# spacing pregnancies/babies: your thoughts?



## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Hi all,

I'm a lucky mom to one fabulous and (pretty) easy baby boy, who's 5 months old this week. In between my totally-overwhelmed-sleep-deprived-and-panicking-because-I-can't-write-my-dissertation moments, I've recently started jonesing to be pg again...hormones, perhaps? But this got me thinking about "ideal" spacing of babies and wondered if you-all had any thoughts? Have you had yours 2-3 years or more apart (this is what I'd imagined doing)? A year apart? Both? On purpose or by accident? What are the pros and cons, from your personal standpoint, of either? Let's share!


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## ACsMom (Apr 21, 2006)

I just had my first, and we're planning to have 2, and I'm in conflict about this. I'd prefer to space them at least 2 years, 3 would be better, but on the other hand I'm 36 already and I ain't gettin any younger. My dd is not an easy baby so this is another factor motivating me to wait! I can't imagine going through this again anytime soon!


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

My girls are 15 months apart and it is *wonderful*. I can't imagine it any other way. They are best friends








At first I thought it would be difficult having two that young, but actually, nothing changed.


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## Mary-Beth (Nov 20, 2001)

My dd's are a couple days shy of being 19 mos apart.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their spacing for so many reasons. I was committed to not pushing the older child to be a "big girl" and I do think this is important. I would not have weaned her for the purpose of getting pregnant. I got pregnant co-sleeping, nursing, etc. I was still able to carry her and hold her through the pregnancy. Because of EC she wasn't in diapers after 14 months- again this had nothing to do with another baby coming. My dd's have both been very verbal and not really "high needs" although to some extent all little one's are high needs. The advantages are that they are so close...they take the same yoga class, same art class, etc. Of course, they don't have to do everything together...if one develops a different interest they can each go their own way.

I've heard some pretty judgmental comments on MDC about closely spaced children. But it's been very good for us.
I'm hoping for another child but this one will have to be closer to 3-4 years from dd2 and about 5 years from dd1. I hope it will be good for other reasons. I think spacing is personal and what is ideal varies family to family.


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## mamanurse (Jan 22, 2006)

For health reasons, some OBs and CNMs recommend spacing pregnancies at least 18 months apart. They say that a mother's iron and other vitamin/mineral stores are mostly replenished by then. That said, we want to start trying in December for a second and that definitely won't be 18 months after the end of my last pregnancy.


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

My girls are 2 years 2months apart. I'm hoping to continue that trend. It really is long enough to recover from the pregnancy. The girls are close enough in age that they play really well together. I love that. I hope they always are that close.

I think there are pros and cons to all spacing. It just depends on how it works out for you and your family.


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## Mama2 '05'06 (Mar 5, 2006)

My dd will be about 15 months when the new baby is born. In a way I am glad but on the other hand it will be alot of work. I was really thinking 18 months apart would be good and dh said 5 yrs














I don't think he was ready for me to be pregnant again! I don't know if I was ready to be pg again but it's OK now. Now the question is whether we will use some sort of bc after this baby is born. The funny/crazy thing is that I already find myself wanting another little one after this baby and this one isn't even born yet!







:


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## mom*of*6 (May 25, 2006)

Well, we had Nicholas in June of 89 and Ashlee was born in June of 90, so they are 12 months apart. LOVE it.. Then we waited and then August of 92 we had Cassidy and October of 93 we had Anthony... Well then we THOUGHT we were done having babies.. LOL then in May of 2004 we found out we were having Dominic, who was born in January of 2005.. So, we then decided to have 1 more close in age. So in October we found out we were having numero 6!! He is due 26 June. I really love having them close in age, with the 1st 4 kids it was ALOT of work with 4 under 4 and lots of Organization. BUT well worth it. It was odd having an almost 12 year gap, LOL.. We litterly started all over..


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## Nathan1097 (Nov 20, 2001)

Mine are all 2 years apart- except the first and last which are 4 years apart.







Works well! I think whatever gap you get is what you are used to, though.


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

My two will be 39 months apart which works out great for us. I didn't feel ready to even think about it until my son was 2. Ds is so mature now and so much less needy of _my_ attention all the time. He has the patience to wait if I'm busy which is important when one has a needy infant to care for. And I can reason with him, granted he's very intelligent, but still. And I feel I gave my body time to recoup it's resources between pregnancies.

It's a personal choice so you should get pregnant when it feels right for you!


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

having had three I would agree that 36-40 months space would have been ideal for me, it allows for a child to be breastfed for food for the first two years without worries of pregnancy drying up the milk etc. I also liked having the one child out of diapers, not needing to be carried before the next one comes.


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## homeblossom (May 4, 2006)

Our first two dds were 16 months apart. Biggest con was I delivered cesarean first and I abrupted on the second one although I was looking forward to VBAC. Biggest pro was their best friends now, although I must have been insane at the time because I remember running while breastfeeding my newborn to chase my toddler out of the trashcan. Then double diapers, and double stroller, really intense. Living rurally though, they made for great playmates when they got just a little older. Next one was three years later and the next five years later. I guess you slow down after a while. Now my girls are my momma's helpers team with newest.


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## kristenburgess (Sep 15, 2002)

My first two are 19 months apart. #2 and #3 are 24 months apart. I like both spacings and think each had its pros and cons. I like that my first two are very close and are playmates. My second is very shy and I think he would be even more so if it weren't for his big sister.

I loved the spacing between the second two because I felt like I really got to baby #2 for longer than I did #1.

We may eventually have a fourth child and if we do it will be at least another year when we TTC (so our third will be almost 24 months, making him close to 3 before another comes).

Though I am so thankful for my children and love them and the spacing that they have, if I could go back I would honestly wait. I feel like I had no problem managing two so close together and three now, but I feel like I had to rush through #1's babyhood, even though I still "babied" her it wasn't the same. She weaned at 14 months and I'm still sad about that. I would have loved to baby #2 for even longer too, and I don't think he would have weaned at 24 months if #3 hadn't been born then. I sometimes wish we'd waited to TTC until each was 24 months. Also, #2 has some special needs that we are just now addressing. I feel if I hadn't been focusing so much on new baby #3, I might have picked up on those needs sooner.

It's so confusing trying to plan children, and to balance your desire for more with what you should give the ones you have.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

For us, we just leave it up to God.









But my children have been 2yr 2 mths apart, 2 yr 9 mths apart, and this time around will be about 2yr 2 weeks









This has been a blessing for us!


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## gen_here (Dec 31, 2005)

When #2 comes along, they'll be about 21 months apart. It was ideal for us for 2 reasons. 1 - I'll be 30 when this one is born, and we'd like another babe or two... and I'm not one of those women who wants to PLAN a pregnancy in her forties (though, if that should happen, we would welcome the baby... just wouldn't be *our* plan). 2 - We didn't want our son to remember being an only child and feel "dethroned"... we'd rather he always know what having a sibling is like. I'm blessed in that, while my milk supply is down some, I still have milk and he still nurses at will at almost 16 months. We're very happy with the spacing so far


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## umbrella (Jul 25, 2002)

The spacing between kids is 5 years. I never would have planned it like that from the start. That seems absurdly long. And you're totally starting all over with baby stuff, when you've been out of that phase for So long. A 5 year old can do So MUCH.

That said, now that I have that spacing, I think it's great. Like I said, a 5 year old can do so much. It's much easier taking care of my second baby than I expected, because my 1st child is so independant at this point.

My baby is now 9 months old, and I'd like to ttc dc3 asap though. I mean, if I'm going to do it, I want to do now. It worked out fine the first time, but I don't want to get completely out of the baby stage again, only to get back into it _again_. Plus, I'm not getting any younger.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

Mine will be 19 months apart.

DH and I talked it over beforehand and decided we'd just let nature run its course in the family "planning" department.







We're both pretty Type B laid-back sorts, so that works out well for us.

Though I reeeeally don't want to keep having kids every 18 months till death or menopause.







:

Mostly I think everybody likes the spacing of their own kids... I've talked to people who had them 12 YEARS apart who considered it the "perfect" spacing, and people who had them 12 MONTHS apart who swear they'd never have it any other way.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

My older two are 4 years and 5 months apart and that is WAY too long. I have a lot of problems with jealousy between them, fighting and such.
My younger two are 27 months apart and while that seems okay, I actually want to space the next one a little closer to the youngest. We will TTC when DS#3 is about 1.


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## ~Quse~ (Aug 8, 2004)

Mine were 29 months apart. Overall, it worked out very well.

My oldest didn't get jealous, but she did have a hard time getting used to the idea that I couldn't hold her as much.

DS will be 1 this month. We're pretty much leaving things up to nature.


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## milk4two (Mar 20, 2003)

I've had them as close as 14 months, and as far apart as 6 years. Having them close (like 2 yrs or less) is hard in many ways but I love how the bond they have when they grow up little together. I don't think there's one ideal spacing, just depends on the kids and your life.


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## GearGirl (Mar 16, 2005)

Mine are 2 yrs 9 mths apart and I have really liked it. Close enough to play, far enough to have their own special friends/things/etc. If we had a third it would a 4 year or more difference.


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## momtokay (Apr 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom2JandG*
Mine are 2 yrs 9 mths apart and I have really liked it. Close enough to play, far enough to have their own special friends/things/etc. If we had a third it would a 4 year or more difference.

i'll just ditto that.








though mine are 2y8mos apart as dd2 came almost a month early.







since dd2 is now 3yo if we were to have a third that one would be at least 4 years after the second as well.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I think that it really depends on the children. Personality wise, my spacings (19 and 21 months, respectively) are perfect for us. I'm still upset about the milk issue, though; while I was pregnant with BooBah, I lost my milk for BeanBean and he got sick. He wasn't physically ready to be eating as many calories as he needed in solid food, and it was hard on all of us. It wasn't an issue for BooBah who self-weaned at 15 months due to a developing lactose intolerance, but for BeanBean the pregnancy was very difficult. Given the choice to do it all over again, I'd have planned to concieve BooBah after BeanBean was down to 1-3 nursing sessions a day.

I loved tandem nursing, but nursing during pregnancy was *awful* for us.


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## lexbeach (Mar 6, 2002)

My twins will be 3 years, 9 months old when this baby comes (this one was actually conceived 2 days after their 3rd birthday). It is a further spacing than I thought I wanted, but now I'm really glad for it. Our situation is somewhat different since the first two kids are twins. I think it can be really hard for a child to be an only child for close to 4 years, and then suddenly have a baby sibling. I'm hoping that since my kids are already used to sharing our attention, there won't be quite as much jealousy as there would be were this to be their first sibling experience.

I initially thought I'd like to have my kids two years apart. That absolutely wasn't going to happen since with nursing twins, I didn't get ppaf until they were 21 months old. Then I thought an ideal spacing would be 3 years apart, but at the point when I would have had to start trying (when the boys were 27 months), they were both still nursing very frequently, sleeping in our bed, not sleeping through the night, and generally going through a hard time with their relationship to each other. Dw and I decided that we would start trying as soon as they were mostly weaned (down to 2-3 nursings a day), out of diapers, and sleeping in their own beds most of the time. All of these milestones were met by the time they were 2.5, and we started trying a couple months later. It took five months to get pregnant, so that's how we came to our spacing. Since I got pregnant, the boys weaned completely (nursing is really painful for me during pregnancy, and didn't feel right at all), and I'm glad I wasn't pregnant earlier for that reason alone. I'm glad they got 3 years of unhindered nursing (not that there wasn't some mama-led weaning in there, there definitely was). They also *stopped* sleeping through the night, and are now back in our bed most of the time, but since they're not nursing anymore, I appreciate the extra snuggle time and don't mind at all (although I do wonder how it will work when the baby comes).

I hope that my boys won't be too much older than this baby to form a close relationship with him/her. Ideally, I'd like to adopt a 4th baby when baby #3 is 2, but I don't know if I'll be able to get dw on board with that plan (she's thinking 3 is enough). I do feel sort of bad for this baby to not have a built-in playmate the way my twins do.

Lex


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## MyCalling (Sep 1, 2004)

My oldest two are 15 months apart and that was perfect. They are best friends, tandum nursed, and even sleep in the same bed together. So after the second I decided no closer than a year apart...not a problem, I exclusively breastfeed...then we went and conceived twins!

Although my 3rd was born 2y4m after his brother, my 4th of course came along only 9 minutes later. Now having experienced 0 months spacing...it's all fine with me. Personally I love the bond my older two have and my twins have. I wish the twins came closer to their brother though...2y4m just seems so far apart.









Now the twins are 14mo and I'd love to be fertile to be able to get pregnant...hense I've wondered into the fertility section.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

For me the spacing was very important. I wanted to make sure that nothing interfered with our nursing relationship and have it so she could wean when she was ready. Also I did not want 2 in diapers. I also wanted to make sure that dd got as much 1 on 1 time as possible with me. So I planned for at least 4yrs between them. I would have been ok with 5yrs as well. Now that dd is in school it gives me and ds the same 1 on 1 time I had with dd. She is old enough that she understands better and she absolutly adores her brother. If I had planned to have more there would be at least 4yrs between them as well. For us it is the only way to go.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

Well my first two are 10 minutes apart, but they are







: I got my first post partum period at 6 months and didn't think much of it (it took a year for us to concieve the girls), but I got pregnant the next month. While I wouldn't have planned to have 3 kids under 18 months







:, it worked out pretty well. The girls all play together now, they are into the same toys. I don't have to worry about picking up parts to games the baby could eat / choke on. They go to bed at the same time and sometimes nap at the same time so I can go on MDC







. I am taking a little break now, mainy to get back into shape (and because dh needs some space). I gained 60 pounds with the girls







: and only lost about 25 before getting pregnant with Rivka. I need to get back into a decent shape before I can handle the stress of another pregnancy. I think we will TTC in a year or so, and then hopefully have 2 or 3 more close in age.


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## Adamsmama (Oct 24, 2003)

I'm trying to figure this out, too. I like the 22 month spacing of our first two--although, they seem to fight a lot now (jealousy over toys) the good thing is they play with the same stuff and wear the same size diapers. I think I would like a 2-3 year spacing more just to give more time with the baby before the sibling comes a long. We may be trying for a 2yr4 month spacing this time...


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