# washing mouth out with soap



## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

A friend of mine recently told me that her nephew (aged 4) has recently picked up some swear words from the teenagers he rides the bus to school with. His teachers complained to his parents and asked that they have a word with him to get him to stop swearing at school. What was the mother's (this friend's SIL) reaction? Wash the kid's mouth out with soap!!







:

As if that wasn't bad enough, she said that her SIL told her, while LAUGHING, that they realized they didn't have any bars of soap so she pumped liquid hand soap into her child's mouth as punishment. Funnily enough, the kid is still swearing (no surprise there, since he's too young to understand and their punishment is absurd).

I told my friend (after I'd regained my ability to speak) that this was insane and she said she doesn't like her SIL's parenting style but doesn't feel it's her place to say anything. I was thinking that surely pumping hand soap into a 4 year-old's mouth is past the point of a parent's right to discipline and that it may even be toxic to the kid's system. Does anyone know if it could actually harm the child physically? I'm more worried about the psychological implications but obviously these parents don't care about that so they would probably only react to information that said it prevents a health risk.


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## Chanley (Nov 19, 2001)

Not to mention the fact that liquid soap is detergent. It has HIGH amounts of sodium laureth sulfates. Look up the MSD sheet on this. IT IS NOT OK TO GET IN THE MOUTH!!!!

IT is very dangerour to put something like that in a child's mouth. Not to mention abusive to punish someone by sticking anythign in the mouth. That is a major physical violation.

Ugh!!!

Idiots abound where common sense fails.


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## mavery (Jun 3, 2005)

It's hard to say without knowing exactly what was in the soap whether it might be toxic in large amounts, but in the amount that might have been ingested it almost certainly is not.

That doesn't make it any less abusive a punishment.
(As an aside:my dad once put soap in my mouth when I was a kid, and I was very upset by it - there's a long story about the context which is not relevant - but I later mentioned it to a therapist who said that if I had been a child patient and told her about it, she would have to consider whether to report it as abuse.)


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## funkygranolamama (Aug 10, 2005)

In my daycare when I was little mine and my friends mouth got washed with bar soap. We were facing each other at naptime and he smiled at me and we got snatched up and taken to the bathroom and "washed out". "That'll teach you not to talk during naptime!". I still get freaked out when I think about that....... It is totally unacceptable. To be honest with you, I wouldn't put a 4 yo on a bus anyway. That's too young to defend yourself.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Absolutely revolting! So awful.


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

. That's terrible


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## Chanley (Nov 19, 2001)

well I am a soapmaker and unless they are sourcing out really pricey specialty liquid soaps, I will bet you $100 one of the first ingredients is SLS.

I may not know much, but i DO know my soap ingredients!!!


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## Ivan's Mom (Jul 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkygranolamama* 
In my daycare when I was little mine and my friends mouth got washed with bar soap. We were facing each other at naptime and he smiled at me and we got snatched up and taken to the bathroom and "washed out". "That'll teach you not to talk during naptime!". I still get freaked out when I think about that....... It is totally unacceptable. To be honest with you, I wouldn't put a 4 yo on a bus anyway. That's too young to defend yourself.









: This situation is so wrong on so many levels! The little child on a bus the soap in mouth, the mother laughing about it.
In regards to funkygranolamama and her daycare trauma, please know that abuse in daycare is very prevalent!!!!!!! I have worked in many and I have seen so many terrible workers.
So many people make me so sad with their "parenting" styles.







:


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

I do remember a case years ago where a little boy died after his parents had washed his mouth out with soap. I think what happened was that her vomitted and somehow swallowed everything and it killed him. That doesn't sound right now that I type it. But I do remember that it wasn't because he choked.


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## xochimama (Oct 11, 2006)

I used to get my mouth washed out with soap whenever I "talked back"... it's cruel, humiliating, and made me feel powerless.


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## libranbutterfly (Jan 12, 2007)

There was a little boy who went to my daycare who was sweet, quiet,etc. They moverd, and he started getting in trouble at his new daycare, and begging to come back to my daycare







They finally did, and we had no trouble with him, until one day I was trying to wash his face off, and he flipped out, saying No stop, I'll be good. Hew other daycare teacher had been washing his mouth out with soap (for doing things he learned from HER son) When his parents found out, they reoorted the old daycare and got it shut down. I never got my mouth washed out, but I know several people who did. I hate all of the stories they tell that begin with "I dont remember what I did......" and end in a spanking or some other cruel punishment. How is it helping when the kids dont even know wht they did?


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## punchy (May 26, 2006)

My SIL, who I am not close with, recently told me that they'd done the same thing to their 4 year old son. The second most apalling thing about it was that she joked saying, " We had to switch to a bar because he actually enjoyed the taste of the liquid."

I shudder to think.....


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## mama_daba (Dec 7, 2004)

i was forced to put shampoo in my mouth as a child, not as punishment but by an older sibling who found every way possible to abuse me. i feel reallyy sad for that little boy.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I can't imagine doing that to a child especially a 4 year old.
I wonder how the teachers would feel about that "talk" the parents had with the boy.


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## devster4fun (Jan 28, 2007)

One of the few (burning) memories I have from Kinder Kare as a child. It was not done to me, but I witnessed it in the bathroom...I can still picture the bathroom, this little boy, 2 workers holding him down so they could force the soap in....what a disgrace. I guess that's why I have a major fear of daycare for my DD. (ie...I left my job as the main breadwinner, to SAH) The best decision we've ever made.


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

: If people would make the same effort to find creative ways to teach and guide their children, rather than to inflict discomfort and pain on them, we might live in a less violent society.

I really don't know much about the dangers of forcing soap into a child's mouth (although it seems counterintuitive to place a cleanser in a human being's mouth) but I have read that children can be seriously injured by being forced to eat tabasco sauce - a punishment that fits into the same mindset as the forced soaping (i.e., "how can I humiliate and force discomfort on a child?").


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

I said a swear word that I heard off my older brother, must've been about 4 years old, and my mom washed my mouth out with soap. It was humiliating and degrading...tasted awful...I was really surprised that she would do it. That was the only time ever. I sure never said that word again (until I was much older







). Otherwise my mom had her good points.


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## napua (Feb 1, 2006)

That is just really sad.







I don't seehow a parent could do that, much less laugh about when they are telling someone else. That is just sick. That little boy doesn't know any better.


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## Katerz2u (Jul 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peacelovingmama* 
: I have read that children can be seriously injured by being forced to eat tabasco sauce - a punishment that fits into the same mindset as the forced soaping (i.e., "how can I humiliate and force discomfort on a child?").

My mom put tabasco on my tongue once when I was little..no older than 3. Anyways, it was obviously terrible enough that I remember it now. She swears that never happened..


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## gargirl (Dec 30, 2006)

Washing our mouths out with soap was just one of the ways my parents abused my sisters and I.







It is sadistic and cruel, humiliating and awful. I would never do this to any child and if anyone did this to my child they would be OUT OF OUR LIVES FOREVER.

Disgusting.


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## kittn (Mar 6, 2006)

that is terrible!
in most states if you use a non food item (like soap) as punishment in a childs mouth it is considered abuse. However if you use something like tabasco or pepper it isnt. either way it's terrible. there are just so many other ways to do things.
why is a four year old riding a bus with teenagers?


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## momuveight2B (Mar 17, 2006)

I think it is cruel to use any kind of punishment on a child for using inappropriate language. I have found that my children use these words not even knowing what they mean. They have heard them elsewhere and are experimenting just like anything else. Once I sit them down and tell them what the word means they usually lose interest.
The other thing I have told my older teen boy is that I know that when he hangs out with his friends they like to cuss but to make sure that he doesn't use those words at home, school or church. He gets this.


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## momuveight2B (Mar 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2mygirl* 
I do remember a case years ago where a little boy died after his parents had washed his mouth out with soap. I think what happened was that her vomitted and somehow swallowed everything and it killed him. That doesn't sound right now that I type it. But I do remember that it wasn't because he choked.

That would be my concern. A child is likely to struggle and become very upset with this type of punishment. Once the soap is aspirated into the lungs there is no way for a parent to remove it. A child could develop pnuemonia or worse could begin to choke on the spot and lose their airway leading to death before help could arrive. A child can only get by for four minutes without air before death or permanent brain damage occurs. Rescue breathing and CPR might not help because of the caustic and sticky nature of the soap. The same thing could happen with anything that you force into a child's mouth.


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## frenchie (Mar 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
A friend of mine recently told me that her nephew (aged 4) has recently picked up some swear words from the teenagers he rides the bus to school with. His teachers complained to his parents and asked that they have a word with him to get him to stop swearing at school. What was the mother's (this friend's SIL) reaction? Wash the kid's mouth out with soap!!







:

As if that wasn't bad enough, she said that her SIL told her, while LAUGHING, that they realized they didn't have any bars of soap so she pumped liquid hand soap into her child's mouth as punishment. Funnily enough, the kid is still swearing (no surprise there, since he's too young to understand and their punishment is absurd).

I told my friend (after I'd regained my ability to speak) that this was insane and she said she doesn't like her SIL's parenting style but doesn't feel it's her place to say anything. I was thinking that surely pumping hand soap into a 4 year-old's mouth is past the point of a parent's right to discipline and that it may even be toxic to the kid's system. Does anyone know if it could actually harm the child physically? I'm more worried about the psychological implications but obviously these parents don't care about that so they would probably only react to information that said it prevents a health risk.

The only way it's going to harm the child on a toxic level, is if he were to ingest it, or of it was being done multiple times daily over a long period of time.
With that said, I feel SOOOOO bad for that little boy. My grandmother did that to my mom once, and she ingested the soap. My mom got her back (which is why it only happened once....lol)...she took my mom to some fancy "to do" that day, and my mom barfed all over my granny. She totally *hosed* her with vomit







My mom still laughs about it to this day. I hope that little boy does the same thing to his mom (am I bad for saying that?)


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## PennyRoo (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *devster4fun* 
One of the few (burning) memories I have from Kinder Kare as a child. It was not done to me, but I witnessed it in the bathroom...I can still picture the bathroom, this little boy, 2 workers holding him down so they could force the soap in....what a disgrace. I guess that's why I have a major fear of daycare for my DD. (ie...I left my job as the main breadwinner, to SAH) The best decision we've ever made.


That is HORRIBLE - OMG! My mother did this to my sister and me - we still are angry about it (although we have a good relationship with her now). The thought of a DAY CARE worked doing this to a child is absolutely horrendous and so very sad.


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## katiedidbug (Dec 16, 2006)

When I went to day care (I was about 2), I didn't have my mouth washed out with soap, but a little girl kissed me on the cheek, and out of fear I would become a lesbian, the dcp threatened to cut off my tongue with a pair of scissors. She even came at with the scissors. I still have that memory. I was scared to death. And, no, I did not grow up to be lesbian.


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## saraann (Dec 1, 2006)

My sister did this to my 4 year old niece who was repeating cuss words that she heard her Dad say while he was driving. I was shocked that she'd do something like this. My Mom was the one who told me about it and my Mom thought it was fine for my sister to do this because, god forbid, my niece repeats these cuss words at school and someone figures out that her parents must be swearing at home. WTF. It's so ridiculous on so many levels.


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## nova22 (Jun 26, 2004)

I am so glad to say my mother never used this "discipline" on me.

A few weeks ago at my mom's group, one of the extremely mainstream moms told us how she washed her son's mouth out with soap after he said "poopy, poopy, poopy" over and over. I couldn't believe people still did that, and I thought all the other more crunchy moms in the group would feel the same. Then the crunchiest mom in the group spoke up and said the soap treatment worked wonders with her TWO YEAR OLD!







: Me and the mom sitting next to me were staring in complete stunned silence as at least five other moms spoke up and told their soap-in-the-mouth stories.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittn* 
why is a four year old riding a bus with teenagers?

They live in a very rural area and it's a half hour drive to the nearest school system so one bus takes them all.


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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katiedidbug* 
When I went to day care (I was about 2), I didn't have my mouth washed out with soap, but a little girl kissed me on the cheek, and out of fear I would become a lesbian, the dcp threatened to cut off my tongue with a pair of scissors. She even came at with the scissors. I still have that memory. I was scared to death. And, no, I did not grow up to be lesbian.











I cannot believe the ignorance of some people. Although, I do feel the need to say that I worked in daycare for 6 years and never knew of anyone I worked with who had done those sorts of actions against children.

THAT SAID...my friend's mother had washed her son's mouth out with soap when he swore (at age 3) in front of her. The mother told me about this, quite proudly actually (we were all in our early 20's) and that he has never sworn since. I had to tell her "Uh, yes he does. Just not around YOU." She was quite suprised.
Someone else suggested to my mom that she have my younger brother brush his teeth with dishsoap when she complained that he was picking up swear words. She looked at them and asked "What will that teach him exactly?" Not suprisingly, they did not have a very good answer.


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## zeldabee (Aug 23, 2004)

My stepmother used to wash my mouth out with soap. She squirted in Ivory dish liquid. It made me very sick, at both ends. It didn't stop me from backtalking.

When I was younger, I didn't want kids, because I was so afraid I would not be able to stop myself from perpetuating the kind of abuse I had when growing up. I considered being sterilized because of it. I'm glad now that I didn't, of course...but believe me, I had years of therapy in my twenties and thirties, and didn't have a child until I was 40!

That kind of punishment was more accepted then than it is now, but I knew then it was wrong. I was a spirited child, and I let no opportunity pass to speak my mind about it. My son has a lot of that in him, and if I lose it, and yell at him, he tells me to stop. He wouldn't put up with it. I just love that about him.

I can't even imagine putting soap in his mouth. It's part of my job to teach him how to speak, what's appropriate, what's not. If he picks up some cuss words, well, we'll have to talk about it. As for backtalk, if he's disrespectful or mean to me, I'll call him on it, but if he's expressing opinions, well, he's allowed.


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## freestyler (Jan 28, 2005)

It is just so tragic, what happens to children. My kids were really misbehaving the other day, just pushing limits and being out of control left and right, and taunting the crap out of me, and I was trying hard to disengage and be calm. My mom (who I was on the phone with at the time) said, "You know, spanking REALLY works!" (She knows we do NOT use corporal punishment.) I said, yeah, it works, it works to perpetuate violence and cause psychological damage, if that's what you're after. To which she replied, "Well, you got spanked, and you turned out OK. Are YOU violent?"

wtf?

I told her, "No I am not violent, but I would be if I spanked my kids, wouldn't I? And it took lots of therapy to get to a non-violent place before even having kids!" Also I told her, everyone who uses the "I got spanked and turned out ok" excuse, they could have turned out EVEN BETTER without corporal punishment like spanking, soap in the mouth, etc.

As a child, I was given the soap treatment at school by teachers. It sucked. I still hate those teachers. And it was 35 years ago.


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## tinuviel_k (Apr 29, 2004)

My mother, who normally followed a very gentle discipline method with us, once washed my mouth out with soap.







I don't remember what I had done. i couldn't have been more than 5 or six years old. But I remember her putting the soap on the toothbrush, and I didn't understand what was going on, as I had brushed my own teeth for quite some time by then. Then the toothbrush went into my mouth and she started brushng my teeth with it, and it tasted so awful and horribel. I was so surprised and so upset. Than I had to sit there for 10 minutes before she would let me rinse. I was so scared, upset, and devestated. I couldn't understand why my mom, who loved me, was doing such a terrible thing to me.

She must have been appalled with herself because she never did it again.

I think washing out mouthes with soap is cruel and abusive and I would never even THINK of using it on my daughter. the thought makes me sick.


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## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

They used to do this at the daycare I worked at too. Also they would make "bad kids" sit in high chairs, some for up to 6 hours only getting out to be changed. They would slap mouths and bite children for biting. After a year of working there ( I was only 16 and honestly thought this is just what happened at daycares) I started working for another daycare, and I told the supervisor what happened and we got the place shut down. I think its things like this that make me have an unhealthy fear of daycares and SAH myself. Its so sad how some people treat children


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

DS has come home from school with some "colorful" language, and I talk to him about how it's not a nice word and it hurts my feelings when he says them. Sure, I've had to repeat myself a few times before it all sinks in, but how else would I teach him appropriate ways to talk?

I think it's so sad that so many grownups would first think of hurting a child rather than teaching.


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lesley&grace* 









The mother told me about this, quite proudly actually (we were all in our early 20's) and that he has never sworn since. I had to tell her "Uh, yes he does. Just not around YOU." She was quite suprised.


I am always so amazed at what people think their kids aren't doing when they're not around. I'm certain my dd is testing out all kinds of colourful language at school along with the other kids. You know why? Because she knows I'm not going to do something stupid and abusive if I find out she's swore, and she tells me all about it







I feel like the more weight you give those words by freaking out when they're used, the more interested the kids will be in using them. I told dd that generally people use profanity when they can't think of something better to say. I can take the fun out of anything


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## kittn (Mar 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
They live in a very rural area and it's a half hour drive to the nearest school system so one bus takes them all.

oh I see. That can be scary. I was worried about my 5th grader riding the bus with 8th graders (middle school here is from 5-8) I cant imagine a 4 year old with the teenagers


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## soybeansmama (Jan 26, 2006)

I am having a moment here as I am remembering my mom doing this to us and scraping the bar of soap across our teeth so that it was harder to get out...







there would be huge chunks of bar soap stuck to our teeth...

I feel a little like calling her...







:


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## J's Mombee (Aug 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maliceinwonderland* 
I told dd that generally people use profanity when they can't think of something better to say. I can take the fun out of anything









LOL... my aunt told me that when I was a kid... Sounds like a plan... I do plan to try that... And as for you taking the fun out of everything... my ds's friend told me that yesterday, and I agree, esp. when it is something dumb or something that just needs redirection.


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## NamastePlatypus (Jan 22, 2007)

The first thing I thought of was A CHristmas Story...

I know some who does this with there 2 and 3 year old







: I also know a women on my steet who uses pepper, alot of it







: Poor little ones...







:


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## eve&meresmama (Jun 2, 2005)

I think this is awful and I would never do it to my children. But... I remember having it done to me and not really being bothered by it. Is there something wrong with me? As my Mom tells it, it was just a drop of palmolive and I was way older like 12 or so. I'm just slightly disturbed that I don't even seem to care that it happened to me.







:
I worked in a daycare too, I also some very disturbing stuff. Scarey, huh?


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## kellers1384 (Nov 8, 2004)

ya know what i learned from having my mouth washed out with soap?

not to swear where adults could hear me.


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## jellop (Dec 11, 2006)

This is so awful!!

As an adult, I use Ivory bar soap to brush my teeth with. It's supposed to be really good for teeth, and I love how they feel when I'm done. The taste isn't bad to me, I'm just extremely careful not to swallow it (they recommend not to swallow toothpaste, also, so that's not too different). But, I guess I was never tramatized as a kid, so I have no deep issues with that. My kids are starting to use bar soap like mommy, and love it. I wonder how they would react if someone tried to threaten to wash their mouths' out with soap?


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jellop* 
This is so awful!!

As an adult, I use Ivory bar soap to brush my teeth with. It's supposed to be really good for teeth, and I love how they feel when I'm done. The taste isn't bad to me, I'm just extremely careful not to swallow it (they recommend not to swallow toothpaste, also, so that's not too different). But, I guess I was never tramatized as a kid, so I have no deep issues with that. My kids are starting to use bar soap like mommy, and love it. I wonder how they would react if someone tried to threaten to wash their mouths' out with soap?









That is wild! Where did hear about brushing your teeth with ivory soap? What does it do exactly?


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## jellop (Dec 11, 2006)

My ds (2 1/2) has TERRIBLE teeth, so I was doing tons of research to try to find things that would help make his teeth better. I found a book by Gerald F Judd called Good Teeth Birth To Death. The idea is that your teeth are constantly trying to remineralize, and toothpastes contain glycerine, which takes approx 27 rinses to remove from your teeth, whereas bar soap is very pure and natural - mixing insoluble oils on the tongue, teeth, and inner cheek with the water and rinses away (taking about 2-3 rinses vs 27 w/toothpaste to be clean enough to remineralize). Apparently, many germs are killed by it's wetting ability alone. For more info, see: http://gerardjudd.com/goodteeth.htm

My teeth feel so incredibly clean, it's amazing. You really do get used to the taste by around the 5th day. And, if you have a crazy-busy day and don't get the chance to brush more than once a day - you don't feel like you have junk growing on your teeth!

Soap is a good thing, not a bad thing. It's too bad that people think they can "wash" the bad/offending words out of their childs' mouths. I wonder how they would feel if every time _they_ said something that offended someone else, _they_ got held down by someone bigger and forced to eat soap, if maybe they'd feel a little differently. It still gets me that if you were to do an action to another adult, it's abuse/assault, but if you do it to your children, it's "discipline".


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## Incubator (May 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maliceinwonderland* 
I am always so amazed at what people think their kids aren't doing when they're not around. I'm certain my dd is testing out all kinds of colourful language at school along with the other kids. You know why? Because she knows I'm not going to do something stupid and abusive if I find out she's swore, and she tells me all about it







I feel like the more weight you give those words by freaking out when they're used, the more interested the kids will be in using them. I told dd that generally people use profanity when they can't think of something better to say. I can take the fun out of anything










That's EXACTLY what i want to do with DS! THank you for proving to me it CAN be done!


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## Equuskia (Dec 16, 2006)

I think people, instead of worrying so much about their kids swearing, should worry more about what adult is setting that example and what other behaviors they could be modeling. After all, profanities don't just pop into kids' heads, they had to have learned it from somewhere!


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

First of all to all of you that this has happened to







I am utterly shocked







by the amount of people to whom this has happened and that people are still doing it today







- this isn't parenting of any style IMO, it's abuse, I could never imagine doing anything so barbaric to a small helpless child, and then to teenagers as well, I guess that brings the teenager closer to them so that they can have a meaningful and healthy relationship - not!!

It makes me so angry that parents actually think that this is acceptable and funny - WTF?????????







the mama bear in me is rising!!!


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## kellers1384 (Nov 8, 2004)

something we do with our dd, is when she uses what we call, "grownup" words, she has to go spit them out in the sink cause she isn't old enough to say them yet. she thinks its funny and she stops saying that word until she hears a new one to replace it with. ha. another thing she thought was funny for a while was to say "potty" words every second. this is something i just personally can't stand, so we told her she was more than welcome to say those words---in the bathroom. but she could not say them anywhere else. it worked. although i do occasionally hear her in the bathroom yelling about poop and farts.








maybe one of those alternatives would be a good thing to "slip" out to anyone you know who washes out with soap. especially the spitting out one. it has worked wonders for us.

and i did have my mouth washed out with soap as a child. just once. and that was when i was like 10 and called my mom a very naughty word. my mom had used hot sauce once before, years before, but me and my sister liked the taste so much i guess the next time she went with soap. i never viewed it as abuse in my case, my mom wasn't ramming the bar down my throat and really i knew what i did was wrong and kinda did it on purpose. it was gross, i hated it that one time it happened, but i never felt abused. i could see though how others might be affected in worse ways by it, especially depending on how the soap was "administered" by the parent. i don't want this to come across like i think its ok, by no means! just that i was fortunate enough to not have a bad experience with it, but i could totally understand how it could be worse for others.







:


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## Marcee (Jan 23, 2007)

Back in the late 70's my mom was told by the ped to do this for/to my older brother. She did but regrets it now. He curses like a sailor by the way.

My older 2 boys have gotten in trouble 1x at school for bad words. They are 11 and 9 and both instances happened while in Kinder. They lost recess at school and it has not been a real "issue" since. On the rare times I hear them say bad words they do have to write me a letter of apology for using such language in my home. I myself do not say those word either, although DH is another story. We have also discussed that those words show asign of ignorance as you are not creative enough to think of something better to say (this is what my Dad told me growing up).

I would never put soap im my child's mouth as a punishment!


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## Cleopatra (Jun 25, 2005)

Liquid soap could be very dangerous because of the risk of aspiration. As far as toxicity, it would probobly cause vomiting or diarrhea rather than any real organ damage. But the aspiration risk is real and potentially fatal. If the kid were crying it would be very easy for him to inhale the stuff.


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## pilllowhead (Jun 4, 2003)

I can't believe I'm writing this down here (please be kind!) and am ashamed to have done it, but I went through a stage last year of washing my son's mouth out with soap. I just want to say that I had lost it, I'm not proud of doing it and I would like to take it back. Something about the anger in his voice felt so provoking at the time.
It definitely didn't work and he now knows how much it gets my goat. How strangely random that some specific words are deemed worse than anything else and we are all looked down on for saying them... I think that is partially why i did it as well, I didn't want people thinking he was awful and not liking him because he said it (or was it a fear of not being liked myself???







)
Well I do think that if I could have kept my cool it would have passed, but I made a horrible mistake and I hope that some of the constant changes I make as I grow and learn will prevent me from making some other mistakes.


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

dh suggested using soap for James last week b/c he had picked up quite a potty mouth and attitude from his friend. I was really surprised he even suggested it b/c he's totally anti-spanking. He was surprised that I said no way! "Why? It's a legitimate consequence." And I told it's b/c it's still physical punishment and I'm just totally not comfortable w/ it. My parents spanked us occasionally, but never did the soap. Bleh.

And this boy the op is talking about is 4?!? Wow. On a bus w/ older kids and all..... ?????


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## kellers1384 (Nov 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EmmaJean* 
dh suggested using soap for James last week b/c he had picked up quite a potty mouth and attitude from his friend. I was really surprised he even suggested it b/c he's totally anti-spanking. He was surprised that I said no way! "Why? It's a legitimate consequence." And I told it's b/c it's still physical punishment and I'm just totally not comfortable w/ it. My parents spanked us occasionally, but never did the soap. Bleh.

And this boy the op is talking about is 4?!? Wow. On a bus w/ older kids and all..... ?????

i lived in a teeny tiny town in middle school, and all students road the buses together. the town was just so small it would have been kinda wasteful to do it any other way. the highschoolers got the back, middle school in the middle, and the little kids thrown up front.


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## Emmalina (Apr 2, 2006)

Just wanted to add that I think this kind of punishment is child abuse, even more than hitting because it is so calculated and mean. I am not in favour of hitting either but I just can't believe you would do something like this to a child even when really angry.

The stories here break my heart. Hugs to all of you who have been through such pain. xxx


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## FLmom_3 (Jan 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katerz2u* 
My mom put tabasco on my tongue once when I was little..no older than 3. Anyways, it was obviously terrible enough that I remember it now. She swears that never happened..










One of my dd's stepmoms (long story with the plural!) used to do that to her when she was between 4-6 yo. This was supposed to be her 'civilized' punishment as a compromise! My dd told me she'd ask "why" or something that stepmom would consider back talk and 'sassing' and she would threaten to either pop her mouth or knock her teeth out! At that point, I walked up to her next time we saw them and looked her straight in the eye and told her that violence is not the way and I don't believe in it but I DO believe in protecting my dd and if she EVER touches my child's mouth I would take her head right off! I know this wasn't the way but could you imagine the thoughts that would rage through you if you found someone talked to & treated your child this way! She never did hit her though.

By the time I found out about the tobasco sauce, dd had already begun taking care of it out on her own - she started pretending she liked it and asked for more everytime stepmom would put any on her tongue! OR she made smart little comments like "are you sure that was enough? it didn't feel like enough to me". Once stepmom's empowerment over her was lost and stepmom was no longer able to control her with it, she stopped. I was upset that dd didn't tell me sooner but was SOOOOOOO proud of her for taking up for herself and amazed at how smart her lil' self was to come up with a "plan of action!"







I didn't tell her I was proud, of course, but did tell her that no matter what anyone told her or threatened with, she could ALWAYS tell me! Makes me SICK the way some of these people handle children - ESPECIALLY when it is my own child!


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FLmom_3* 
I was upset that dd didn't tell me sooner but was SOOOOOOO proud of her for taking up for herself and amazed at how smart her lil' self was to come up with a "plan of action!"









Completely off topic, but the other day dd phoned SO to come and pick her up from school because she was sick. When he got her home, she was obviously perfectly fine, and we were kind of puzzled as to why she would lie because she just never lies, ever. So I asked her what had gone on at school and she said "We had a supply teacher who was being really mean to all of the kids, and really mean to me, and I decided I didn't have to take it and was going to get out of there!" I must admit, it was one of my proudest moments as a mother so far. Damn right she didn't have to take it!


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

I got my mouth washed out with Dawn dishwashing soap as a kid... I don't remember what I said or if I ever said it again, but I do remember that I vomited.


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## FLmom_3 (Jan 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maliceinwonderland* 
Completely off topic, but the other day dd phoned SO to come and pick her up from school because she was sick. When he got her home, she was obviously perfectly fine, and we were kind of puzzled as to why she would lie because she just never lies, ever. So I asked her what had gone on at school and she said "We had a supply teacher who was being really mean to all of the kids, and really mean to me, and I decided I didn't have to take it and was going to get out of there!" I must admit, it was one of my proudest moments as a mother so far. Damn right she didn't have to take it!









Off subject too but I had to tell it (even though it's hard cuz' I'm telling one of my recent screw ups here







). Riding in the car and dd3 (11 yo) was just dead set on aggravating & being mean to dd2 - everything she said was wrong, even if she wasn't talking to dd3. Finally, after about an hour of this, I snapped and chimed in with "why the hell are you so SET on irritating & being so mean to her today?" She snapped right back with "First of all, I need for you not to talk to me that way" in a very calm voice. I slammed the breaks, pulled on the side of the road, jumped out and BUSTED out laughing! I felt bad for the words used and normally don't react that way (hormones & an hour of constant arguing between them, I think) but I was blown away! It was SO funny that I'd taught her so well not to take anything off people that she'd fired it at me!







Then, obviously she's learned about taking time to cool off also and thought that's what I got out to do because when I got back in, she asked, "can we talk calmly now?" I SO wanted to get out and laugh again but just said yes ma'am and proceeded. They really can blow your mind at times, can't they!


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## mike (Sep 5, 2005)

most soaps are mildly harmfull to the body just useing them correctly because your skin absorbs those chemicals but putting it in your mouth is the worst thing you can do. I'd recomend beating a child befor i'd recomend washing there mouth out with soap and personally i'd chose being beat than having my mouth washed out with soap and thats from having experence in both cases


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## PapayaVagina (May 11, 2002)

I can still remember my mother forcing my mouth open and pouring liquid dish soap down my throat. I will never forget the way that felt. Burned!


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

I belong to another board (very mainstream) that has a thread going on this very topic at the moment. One of the mothers is touting it as the latest and greatest thing. After all, there is soap everywhere! After "only 4 days" her daughter is "behaving". She's told a few different stories where they've been somewhere and this little girl (age 3) has wondered what the soap there tasted like. In one case it was a restaurant and she wasn't eating and when soap was mentioned she started shoveling her food in. Yeah, that kid's not going to have issues. How does she not get that this little girl is ONLY motivated from fear and humiliation in this case?

The best part? This advice came from her pediatrician.









2Bugs


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

Whoah. I don't know what else to say. That's shocking.


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

I remember watching my aunt do that to my cousin. I never forgot it. I got tobasco sauce. Only happened once. I never swore (in front of my parents) after that. Now, I can talk like a trucker sometimes







.


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## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

I had it done as a kid, but I had to bite the bar - and not a baby bit either...then slide it around my mouth for a few minutes. To this day if I smell ivory soap I almost puke.

I was surprised at just how many people around here (like where I live, not on MDC!) do it...and how many of them use it instead of spanking, like it's so much better. The kids I know get it for bad words, bad attitudes, or sassing - sometimes multiple times a day in some cases.









We've had no real problem with 'bad' words. I don't use them most of the time and I don't present them as being bad. I say that some people find them offensive or disrespectful and I ask that the kids notl use them until they're old enough to understand when they're appropriate and when they aren't.

So one night about a year ago the little two had gone to bed and my then 6yo was sitting in the livingroom with my sister and I and he came out with "What the hell?" It really shocked me because he hadn't used any of those words in a loooooooong time. His response? "What? You told me that the only reason I shouldn't use them is because some people are offended by them. I don't see anyone here who is offended by that word." He had a point, and while it bothered me to have him use it for some reason I couldn't quite verbalize, I just bit my tongue and said "you're right". He hasn't used it since.

Once though, I had just walked in the door and remembered that I'd forgotten something WAY important I exclaimed "Crap!" So the next day we were on our way to pick up my grandmother and I was sitting in the backseat with my ds so that she could sit in the front and he leaned over to me and whispered "mom, try not to say crap, ok? Great grammy might take offense to it!"

I've also heard mothers threaten to break their dc's finger if they stuck it up again (ya know, the middle one). Some of the dc have been as young as 3. Funny thing is that usually as soon as the mom turns her back that finger is back up - and while the first time it might not have been intentional, it certainly is intentional from that point on.


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## melissel (Jun 30, 2004)

Funny, I JUST posted about this on another thread:

Quote:

I was at a new playgroup with some MOMS Club members shortly after my DD2 was born. DD1 was just over 3, as was the little boy, and the other little girl was just under 3. We were sitting on the floor and the little girl was upset about something, and the mother was pretty harsh with her--basically told her to stop being "fresh" or else. The girl finally sulked off, and the mom asked the other mom, "Do you think she's too little for soap in the mouth?" I thought my head was going to fall off. There was a pause, and I thought, Oh good, the other mom will say something. And then she said, "You know, I don't know. I asked my mom the same question about N and she said she didn't think there was such a thing as too young."
I forgot until I read this thread that after that they got into a lively discussion about it, and the first mom said that she especially like using liquid soap because it was perfect for a "sneak attack."








Even my mom, who's still pretty conservative about discipline despite learning a ton from me, heard that and shook her head, and said, "And we wonder why people grow up to be serial killers."

I thought soap in the mouth was something out of the mid-20th century. I literally had no idea it was done anymore until this playdate a year ago. I'm so upset now that I didn't speak up for those kids. And to top it all off, I read an essay in a mainstream parenting magazine recently by Jacqueline Mitchard, whose work I generally like very much, about swearing. I totally agreed with everything she said and it was a wonderfully written essay--until I got to the part about how, when she catches her kids swearing, she makes them PUT THE SOAP IN THEIR MOUTH THEMSELVES.

It breaks my heart.


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## melissel (Jun 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3lilmonsters* 
I've also heard mothers threaten to break their dc's finger if they stuck it up again (ya know, the middle one). Some of the dc have been as young as 3. Funny thing is that usually as soon as the mom turns her back that finger is back up - and while the first time it might not have been intentional, it certainly is intentional from that point on.

Oh, this thread is making me cry


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## MandyLou (Jan 28, 2007)

I honestly didn't realize that people still did this. A couple of months ago, a friend actually told me she'd been doing it because her three-year-old was backtalking her. I didn't say anything, mostly because I didn't know what to say. I just don't get that kind of punishment at all. How cruel.

One time I asked for some advice from my playgroup regarding my son, who was about 12 or 13 months at the time. He was just starting to be aggressive with me, kicking during diaper changes, etc., and I was feeling kind of lost on how to control him. One Mom suggested that if he got too loud or was yelling, to put hot sauce on his tongue. She had done this with her eighteen-month-old at a restaurant because he wouldn't stop shouting.










So, yeah, a lot more common than I had originally thought.


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

I just cannot imagine the lack of loving connection that would be necessary in order to be able to do that to your own child. You'd have to be seriously @#$%ed in the head to do something so cruel and punitive. It's inhuman.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

OK - my neighbor just told me she "had" to do this with her 2 year old. Again, I was shocked. I hadn't HEARD of anyone getting their mouths washed out since my father was a child. She acted like it was all normal to do. I told her it wouldn't work and she should teach her child how to swear properly, like mine.


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## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ellien C* 
I told her it wouldn't work and she should teach her child how to swear properly, like mine.

OMG, did you really say that?

















What was her response?


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## mommacanary (Aug 26, 2006)

It just makes me feel like crying







How could anyone do this to their child?
So I guess they are trying to teach them that cussing is bad but violence against a child is ok?


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