# Funny things people say pre-parenthood



## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

You know, your friend who is pregnant for the 1st time, your aunt that never wanted kids of her own... then all the really crazy, silly comments they make. This is my favorite though:

My good friend was pregnant for the first time, with a due date of August 15th. Her good friend was getting married on the same day. She said it would probably not be a problem, because "well, if it is the same day, I might have to miss the wedding if I am tired. But if it is the next day or two, then for sure I will go. I will just pump and leave the baby with DH for a few hours." BTW, she has no car so she would have to take a taxi into town, then take the train 1.5 hours, just to get to the wedding location. Like a few hours after birth? But the comment about pumping the day after the baby was born just so cracked me up.

FWIW, she did give birth on the same day, missed the wedding, and obviously was too preoccupied to care.


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## Apple Girl (Nov 2, 2007)

I had some childless newlywed friends tell me at my DS1's baby shower that I should be sure to "let the baby CIO so he doesn't end up running my life."

Um, yeah, no thanks.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I think I'm pretty much the one who said all the crazy things pre-kids. I knew nothing. I possibly know less now, but at least I KNOW I don't know.


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## Turtlecouple (May 11, 2004)

yeeahhh...I cringe when I think about some of the stuff I said pre-babies...


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

We are all perfect parents before we have kids. Theoretical children are so sweet and actually mind when you talk to them in a calm manner, don't test you, and meet all developmental milestones right on cue. Real children are human--and they don't read the psychology how-to-raise-good-children book-of-the-day.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
I think I'm pretty much the one who said all the crazy things pre-kids. I knew nothing. I possibly know less now, but at least I KNOW I don't know.

Same here. I remember babysitting a 2yo and telling my mom later, "That kid was singing his ABCs while I changed his diaper -- if he's old enough to know his ABCs, he's old enough to poop in the toilet!"


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

I remember a woman telling me years before I had kids that she and her mom went shopping a couple days after her baby was born. For like 6 hours. Leaving the baby home with her husband (I'm pretty sure the babe was FF from day one) and she did this so her DH and the baby would bond well. She raved about how great this was, how her child had such a great bond with dad. I remember thinking that was such a great idea, until I had a baby myself.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I'm still waiting on this one, but at my bridal shower both my sister and my sister-in-law were pregnant. My sister-in-law was about 8 months and my sister about 6 months, and, of course, were both wearing maternity outfits.

One of my friends started going on and on about how when she got pregnant she was just going to wear baby Ts and hip-huggers and never wear those awful maternity capris or big shirts. It was pretty funny when she realized both pregnant women (my sister was actually wearing khaki capris and a denim, sleeveless maternity top) were listening to her, but I kind of wondered if there would be a fight.

Anyway, I keep waiting for her to settle down and get pregnant and see if she follows through on her promise.


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## MariesMama (Sep 26, 2008)

I had quite a doozy myself ... just before getting pregnant I dog-sat for my parents for a week. Two high-strung, dumber than rocks, overbred dogs with allergies to everything, one with FIVE kinds of eye drops for some crazy eye infection. Each eye drop was on a different schedule, requiring me to give the drops at 10pm, 12am, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am, not to mention during the day. I got pregnant a few weeks later and stated that having a baby would be a cake walk compared to those damn dogs.

Yes, I was totally ridiculed. My ex still brings it up as if to point out that I am an unfit parent.

Here's the kicker. After the first week, DD was sleeping five hours at a stretch. Never colicky or cranky. I really did sleep more after having her than I did with those dogs.


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## Adallae (Nov 11, 2009)

A (childless) co-worker advised that all I needed to do to get some sleep while DD is teething is rub some brandy on her gums. He still can't figure out why I won't take his advice.


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## Betleowe (Dec 11, 2009)

When I was a teen, I used to criticize two of my cousins. They both had kids the same age. One of them let her kid do whatever she liked, she was fed with junk all the time, she was a very unpleasant child. Everytime they visit us I locked myself in my room I couldn't stand that kid.

And the other one was as I used to say "extremly attached", I thought that was extreme. My cousin didin't wanted her little boy to go to daycare at 4 and I thought she was the worst mom in the world and that the kid wouldn't learn how to socialize. They had to be in the same room together becuase if no -oh the drama-. This kid was worse than the first one, I used to say that my child was not going to be that way.

Now I won't send DD to daycare or kindergarden, homeschooling is for us. DD is that "attached" kid.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Adallae* 
A (childless) co-worker advised that all I needed to do to get some sleep while DD is teething is rub some brandy on her gums. He still can't figure out why I won't take his advice.









this is good advice, only I've heard it with whiskey:

One shot whiskey per teething baby. Rub a little on baby's gum, then take the shot yourself.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MariesMama* 
I had quite a doozy myself ... just before getting pregnant I dog-sat for my parents for a week. Two high-strung, dumber than rocks, overbred dogs with allergies to everything, one with FIVE kinds of eye drops for some crazy eye infection. Each eye drop was on a different schedule, requiring me to give the drops at 10pm, 12am, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am, not to mention during the day. I got pregnant a few weeks later and stated that having a baby would be a cake walk compared to those damn dogs.

Yes, I was totally ridiculed. My ex still brings it up as if to point out that I am an unfit parent.

Here's the kicker. After the first week, DD was sleeping five hours at a stretch. Never colicky or cranky. I really did sleep more after having her than I did with those dogs.









I totally relate to this.

DH and I always said having two Siamese cats prepared us for having a child.

These cats are the most high maintenance animals on the planet - the screaming and wailing at all hours of the night, health issues, the medication schedules, needy, needy needy. We had to baby proof the house years before we had a child.

Funny? yes

True? yes 'cept DS slept through the night much sooner than the cats, who are still prone to 4am wake up calls for food.

This one made my friend's howl -

I will never live down the statement that I wouldn't have a baby until Coach made a diaper bag. They totally made fun of me. I did get the diaper bag, the baby took longer and 6 years later I am still using that bag.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MariesMama* 
I had quite a doozy myself ... just before getting pregnant I dog-sat for my parents for a week. Two high-strung, dumber than rocks, overbred dogs with allergies to everything, one with FIVE kinds of eye drops for some crazy eye infection. Each eye drop was on a different schedule, requiring me to give the drops at 10pm, 12am, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am, not to mention during the day. I got pregnant a few weeks later and stated that having a baby would be a cake walk compared to those damn dogs.

Yes, I was totally ridiculed. My ex still brings it up as if to point out that I am an unfit parent.

Here's the kicker. After the first week, DD was sleeping five hours at a stretch. Never colicky or cranky. I really did sleep more after having her than I did with those dogs.



















I said similar stuff. We got our dog a year and a half before DS was born, and I cried for 2 weeks straight when we got her, wondering what the heck we had done to our lives. I swear it was a bigger adjustment than when I had a baby. Before DS was born, I'd talk about how hard getting the dog was, but I'd always be sure to put in tons of disclaimers when talking to my friends with kids, saying stuff like, "I'm sure it's nothing compared to kids" and, "Not to compare my dog to your kid," but now that I have 2 kids of my own I can say with confidence that yes, the dog was actually harder in the first few months. I'm sure I sound like a raging idiot to some people, but for me that was absolutely true.


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## ProtoLawyer (Apr 16, 2007)

I am PG with my first (though I do have plenty of toddlerhood-on experience with my stepdaughter, of whom my husband has joint custody)...and I can say for certain I will never wear maternity capris.







 (I'm so short-legged that capris just look like unintentionally too-short pants on me.)

My husband will probably say that the dumbest thing he's heard so far is how he doesn't understand what he's getting into because he's never had a baby of "his own." (Never mind he was actually a SAHD for most of his daughter's first year.)


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## PurpleFireFlies (Dec 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turtlecouple* 
yeeahhh...I cringe when I think about some of the stuff I said pre-babies...
















same here...I was just having a discussion with older DS today about the things I didnt know when he and my DS16 were little.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turtlecouple* 
yeeahhh...I cringe when I think about some of the stuff I said pre-babies...
















Me too. I was very much into corporal punishment pre-kids, and critized people heavily for having ill mannered children. I've learned A LOT, and it's almost like the minute I found out I was pregnant I did a 180 and couldn't ever imagine hitting or berating my would-be child. She's 3.5 and I've never laid a hand on her. Go figure. (Though I'm still what you'd consider a "strict" parent, but I also acknowledge that my daughter's wonderful laid back attitude is due to the way she came out of me, and I'm sure all my theories will be challenged by future children.








)

My sister and I actually had a huge fight not too long ago because she berated for me for how I talked to my daughter when we were late walking out the door and she was goofing around. She was right, I really did snap at her. But what she didn't realize was that something had JUST happened back home (I was visiting them) that she didn't now about, that I was really upset about, and I was trying to hold myself together and just snapped at my daughter. She didn't bother to ask me if I needed help, but just sat there like a lump on a log and watched me struggle, then berated me because I was coming unglued. Not a single "hey what's up, this isn't like you, can I help". But she didn't miss the opportunity to tell me how mean I was being.

Anyway, a few days after that incident (when she figured out I was mad at her) I went up one side of her and down the other and told her to WAIT until the day everything's falling apart for her and some old crab apple at the grocery store makes a snap judgment about her parenting. I told her not to come complaining to me, and that I'd remind her of the day she berated me because I was having a bad moment instead of trying to help.

She's pregnant now.







I still can't wait for that day. Everyone has their moments. Making silly comments to people when you don't know if their mother just died and they got laid off and their car broke down is about as stupid and judgmental as a person can be. And coming from your own SISTER? Yeah, don't be complaining to me!


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## mambera (Sep 29, 2009)

For some unimaginable reason I thought I would be fine with sending an infant to daycare so I could go back to work.

Obviously that was the dumbest idea EVER; luckily my MIL, Lord love her, knew better and stepped into the breach as caregiver when she heard I only got 8 weeks of maternity leave.

Another thing - prior to having a child I was sort of laissez-faire about circ; I figured there were plusses and minuses and though I thought I would probably not have my own kid circ'ed, I really didn't feel super strongly about it.

Even though I had a daughter and it hasn't been an issue yet, now that I've had a child I absolutely cannot imagine letting someone do such violence to a tiny baby. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

You know it irritated me before I had ds (especially as it took us 6 years to conceive) when people automatically disregarded me just because I wasn't a mommy & I refuse to do it to other people.

OF COURSE, we ALL have misperceptions before we have babies. And we do it with everything in our lives. First job, first road trip, before marriage, first house, first credit card, etc, etc, etc. Until you have lived something you can never truly comprehend it. I don't think of that as stupid but just how things are.

I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER say to someone "We'll see when you have kids!" as I found that SO hurtful.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)




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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Before DC#1, I worked full time out of the house, DH worked full time at home. We thought after my maternity leave was up DH could care for DC at home and work at home AT THE SAME TIME! You know, she'd play on the floor on her playmat or with her blocks while DH got his work done. When she wasn't napping of course.


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## BrittneyMarie (Nov 11, 2009)

i thought i'd never ever want to be a SAHM and was planning on going back to work after a couple months. that obviously hasnt happened.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

My favourite was my sister, who gave me all kinds of crap about the fact that I let ds1 sit on the coffee table. She felt it was a _huge_ discipline issue. The fact was that I frequently sat on that same coffee table, and we just didn't have an issue with it in our house. It wasn't a discipline issue at all - it was a different viewpoint about whether or not it was acceptable to sit on the coffee table. She had her first son when ds1 was two, and apologized for her comments...because she couldn't keep him off the coffee table, even though she tried.

The next best was a guy I used to talk to online who assured me that he knew exactly what parenting was going to be like and how good he'd be at it, if and when he and his wife had kids, because he'd just taken his nephew overnight and it went great. Ooookay, then.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I have a friend who was pregnant for the first time. She was having twins, and I know she was TERRIBLY uncomfortable. I felt so bad for her because I knew she was really having a hard time. But there was this one time I will never forget, late in her pregnancy when she exclaimed, "I can't WAIT for these babies to be born so I can finally get some sleep!!"

I knew what she meant but I still nearly choked on my drink.


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## momtomine (May 7, 2009)

i went to a baby shower for a family friend. it was her first baby, and she was young, i think 20 (i had my first at 19, so im not dissing young moms) well i was already the mother of 2 children, and i was the oldest person at the shower, and the only one with kids already. my friend got like, 20 packs of burp cloths as gifts, and people kept telling her that she would need them all of the time. i looked at all these 19 year old, not mommies, and said " youll never have one when you need it, and when your kid pukes all over you, youl reach for anything you can get your hands on to wipe it up. ive used dirty laundry, clean laundry, the sleeve on my own shirt...." those girls looked at me like i had grown a second head and my friend said "oh no, i will never be doing that. that is just yucky." well guess what she does now.


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## petey44 (Nov 6, 2008)

Definitely the most idiotic things I heard came from my own mouth- here's a few:
-when my husband confessed his desire for a family bed, my response was "no way! that kills babies! and besides, our bed is for us- the baby needs to know his/her place!" (my now 15 m.o. has been sleeping with us 100% of the time since about 3 weeks old, and I wouldn't have it any other way)
-"when a child is old enough to ask to nurse, he/she is way too old to be nursing!" (my 15 m.o. asks, and when is told yes, it's time for milk, runs to our nursing spot and gets herself in position- and no, i have no plans on weaning anytime soon)
-i actually had a lot of breastfeeding support while pregnant (my SIL is pretty militant about it) but somehow, i never thought past the first nursing session. i was so focused on getting that intial latch and producing colostrum, that i was completely unprepared for the fact that the baby would need to continue nursing- every day- at least every 2 hours!!! i swear i thought she would age from newborn to 10 year old overnight or something...


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## Everrgreen (Feb 27, 2007)

Pre-baby I judged my SIL for bedsharing with her son







that was a long time ago though before I discovered MDC, which was before I had my own baby









I know a woman who is pregnant with twins and her bf was talking about how the first 6 months won't be too bad because all they will do is eat and sleep - easy!! I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise!


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## Ambishop19 (Dec 7, 2009)

I definitely said/thought some crazy things.

I planned on breastfeeding, but never thought it would mean so much to me. About 8 years ago, my sister-in-law was told by their pediatrician to stop supplementing with formula because her son (my nephew) wasn't gaining enough. I was about 18, and didn't know why hearing that was such a big deal to her and why it was so hard. Now I feel terrible about not really supporting her.

I never ever thought we would co-sleep, and now we do. And for now I love it!

I always thought I would be fine going back to work, in fact, that I would want to. Now I wish I could stay home with my little babe.

I'm sure there are more, but that's what I came up with for now.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I don't think I've heard too many things like this. I think my expectations were fairly realistic, but it's still a shock doing it day in and day out (DS is 15 months). I think I actually get more sleep than I thought I would. I'm expecting maybe I'll get shown when he is a teenager, because I get along so well with most teens that I tend to think I'll be a good teen mom, but who really knows?


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## Mal85 (Sep 3, 2008)

Pretty much any phrase that begins with "I'll never..." or "My kids will never..."

When I was in high school, I had a teacher I never got along with. Her son was an infant when I was in her class and somehow we got on the topic of when kids are potty-trained. She just couldn't believe there was a kid we were talking about that wasn't fully potty-trained at 3 years old. She said "My son will most definitely be potty trained by 2 years old". I laughed at her then and told her she was crazy if she thought all kids were potty trained by 2 years old. I still see her occasionally and always want to ask what age her son was potty trained.


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## Ruthie's momma (May 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
I think I'm pretty much the one who said all the crazy things pre-kids. I knew nothing. I possibly know less now, but at least I KNOW I don't know.











Sounds like me!

Before DD was born, I was totally convinced that I would simply hire a nanny and return to law school within a few months. But, once I layed eyes on my LO I realized that there was no way in He** that I could leave her!!! She is almost 2.5 yo and I am just now getting things in order to return to law school w/i the next year or two...maybe...


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## terrainthailand (Mar 31, 2008)

I definitely was a bit judge-y on the co-sleeping before I had kids. I assumed that mothers who co-slept did it, not in the best interests of their children, but because they were overly attached to their babies... and I am now a happily, overly attached, co-sleeping mama.


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## curiouscanadian (Aug 28, 2009)

Long before I got pregnant I kind of agreed with the rest of my family that my cousin was "weird" for co-sleeping, extended BFing and especially ECing. Lo and behold, I've become _at least_ as "weird", if not weirder!









Of course, the more I've learned about all of these things, the worse I feel for having judged her.









I also didn't see why my SIL wouldn't let her one-year old CIO to get him sleeping through the night...







NO WAY would I do that now!


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

You know, there were even things I said after having one child that have actually happened.

When I just had one I couldn't ever imagine wanting to be away from her for more than a couple of hours, but there were a few times after I had #3 that I fantasized pretty seriously about running away. And I thought that everything my dd did would delight me forever. Ha! She's not even 7 and drives me crazy sometimes.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fuamami* 
You know, there were even things I said after having one child that have actually happened.

When I just had one I couldn't ever imagine wanting to be away from her for more than a couple of hours, but there were a few times after I had #3 that I fantasized pretty seriously about running away. And I thought that everything my dd did would delight me forever. Ha! She's not even 7 and drives me crazy sometimes.

OMG yes! I only have two, and when my youngest was 6 weeks old I went out to dinner with the girls. never, ever would have left DS for that long til he was i don't know, 6 months maybe? And then I called every 30 minutes and worried th whole time. With DD I was out for three hours had a great time and never called. Of course the boobs wanted to explode, but it was worth it.


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## PJsmomma (Apr 21, 2003)

Mine own dear little brother is about to become a daddy in 3 weeks!
I can't wait!









This fall, we flew across country to my Grandmother's funeral. Their time zone is 2 hours earlier than ours.

My brother and my son and I slept in a camper in the driveway. One night, all my siblings came out and we were playing games.
My son (almost 9 then) played for awhile but got really sleepy.

I wasn't thinking about the time change. It was nearly 1 a.m. at home! He started getting whiney and said he was going to bed.
My dear brother (yes I love him very much!) told me I was raising a quitter because I let him go to bed before the game was over









I didn't say, "you just wait" but I can't wait


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fuamami* 
but there were a few times after I had #3 that I fantasized pretty seriously about running away. And I thought that everything my dd did would delight me forever. Ha! She's not even 7 and drives me crazy sometimes.









:

Also, all the nice parenting books I consulted when ds1 was a baby were SOOO unhelpful once I wanted to get TWO children to nap at the same time. It was like they thought everyone only has one kid...one book even went so far as to say that you can only really be a great parent if you space your kids 3-4 years apart...Uhhh, newsflash...

My fave recent comment from DH's childless aunt when we were downtown the other cold, windy day trying to cross the street - "Shouldn't we walk down to the light since we're walking with a baby?" Umm, no, I'm cold. There are no cars coming, and I'm not walking an extra block for no reason


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

On all the going back to work comments: A lot of women don't realize how they are going to feel about that while pregnant. In the military, an enlisted woman has the option of getting out, but it has to be done by 30 days before her due date. So, not really knowing how she will feel, she stays in and has the baby. Six weeks later, she's back at work. If she's still breastfeeding or breastfeeding not much longer after that, it is a miracle. Then she realizes she wants to stay home. So, she gets pregnant again in order to get out or does stupid in order to get out. Honestly, I think they should extend it to 6 months after the birth (however, re-enlisting stops that clock).

Other thing I heard: "yeah, I'm going to waive the extra two months that I don't have to deploy and deploy when baby is 4 months old".

(I thought Babywise was the greatest thing ever...)


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MariesMama* 
I had quite a doozy myself ... just before getting pregnant I dog-sat for my parents for a week. Two high-strung, dumber than rocks, overbred dogs with allergies to everything, one with FIVE kinds of eye drops for some crazy eye infection. Each eye drop was on a different schedule, requiring me to give the drops at 10pm, 12am, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am, not to mention during the day. I got pregnant a few weeks later and stated that having a baby would be a cake walk compared to those damn dogs.


LOL I have a high-maintenance dog and I thought having a baby would be exactly the same, except with the advantage of being able to bring the baby into stores etc. instead of leaving him at home or in the car like I had to do with the dog!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!


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## dancindoula (Jun 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
You know it irritated me before I had ds (especially as it took us 6 years to conceive) when people automatically disregarded me just because I wasn't a mommy & I refuse to do it to other people.

OF COURSE, we ALL have misperceptions before we have babies. And we do it with everything in our lives. First job, first road trip, before marriage, first house, first credit card, etc, etc, etc. Until you have lived something you can never truly comprehend it. I don't think of that as stupid but just how things are.

I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER say to someone "We'll see when you have kids!" as I found that SO hurtful.

Yep, I agree. With every word. But in addition, to try to save my own sanity, I do my best not to say a word about my intentions or doula knowledge now unless *directly* asked. It's just not worth the assumptions and laughter, especially having been a doula for 7 years and 5 years TTC with one m/c. I do sort of laugh though when the predictions I (internally) make about someone's parenting future turns out to be ironically accurate.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

ive used dirty laundry, clean laundry, the sleeve on my own shirt...."
And on that same kind of gross note, I never thought my first reaction to vomit would be to try to _CATCH IT IN MY HANDS_ because it's easier than cleaning it out of the carseat, pool, bath, bed, etc. When you find yourself trying to angle the baby so she throws up on YOU and not the furniture because you _know_ it's easier to shower than steam clean the sofa (again), you're at a whole new level of what the heck.

Can you tell I have a refluxer?


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

LOL... I was the BEST MOTHER before I had a baby. I told everyone how my baby would sleep through the night because I wouldn't spoil my baby. "Having a baby is easy, just have a schedule"









I knew NOTHING!!!!!!


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
And on that same kind of gross note*, I never thought my first reaction to vomit would be to try to CATCH IT IN MY HANDS*because it's easier than cleaning it out of the carseat, pool, bath, bed, etc. When you find yourself trying to angle the baby so she throws up on YOU and not the furniture because you _know_ it's easier to shower than steam clean the sofa (again), you're at a whole new level of what the heck.

Can you tell I have a refluxer?

I remember being mid-20-ish, longer before I ever thought about having a child, and hearing a woman at work talk about catching vomit. My BFF and I practically ran to my office and had a 45 minute discussion about how gross that was and how we would never do such a time.

And now, I am a darn good vomit-catcher.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Things I said --- someone was off for nursing at 18 months......my oldest daughter nursed until after her 4th birthday. LOL

The crib thing --- had one with the first, good laundry basket. The other two I didn't even purchase one. We knew they would not be sleeping in it.


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## Mama_Meme (Apr 18, 2007)

Man, the things I said.

First, I said I wanted like 20 kids.







My DD is now just over 2 and I have no inkling towards another (though I love my child infinitely and think she is the biggest gift ever) yet.

I thought mothering would just be like regular life "only with a baby".









I actually said that "breastfeeding will just be so natural and will come so easily". mmhmmmm.... and i've had: bleeding cracked nipples, engorgment, recurring milk blisters for 6 weeks, mastitis twice.... SO easy!

Something that I did know though, is that I wanted to stay home with my babe. I don't think it ever even came up in discussion, it was such a given for me. I'm still at home and have no inkling to go back to any sort of work (though I do write an article a month for a newspaper, if that counts...)


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

I cringe every time I think about anything I said that started with "If that were my kid...." (and I said it way more than I like to admit)

The other thing that I find funny (in a not so ha-ha funny way) is when I had this whole plan that DS would sleep in his co-sleeper for a few months until he was sleeping through the night and then we would gradually move him away from us until he was in his own room at about 6 months old... what was I thinking? 21 months and he's only slept through the night once... goodness I was naive.


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## Abraisme (Mar 8, 2009)

My best friend was pregnant while my DS was about 3.. One day we were walking home from a resturant and he was throwing a terribly fit (the kind where he's practically hanging upside out of the stroller, flailing around). She said, "my child will NEVER behave like that"! I just looked at her and went, "uh huh, SUUUURE"..

Her child is now 20mo, VERY stubborn, high needs and throws fits all the time. A little bit of reality has set it.


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## berry987 (Apr 23, 2008)

Oh, I remember being a smug overworked, 26 year old with a stressful job and not enough time for myself. I thought those SAHMs had it easy with their strollers and coffee in hand and chatting at the park. I remember being totally exhausted on the weekends and needing to de-stress and unwind from my hard work-week. I didn't have "enough time for myself," but I managed to do my hair every morning, get massages and pedicures, and wear cute, well-tailored clothes. Not to say working people w/out kids don't have stressful lives, but in retrospect, I was just an annoying, entry-level employee in a big-deal field and didn't have the first clue about exhaustion.

Three kids under four? That's true exhaustion. It's a beautiful life, but an exhausting one.

Edited: I have another one! When I was very pre-kids (like 17 or 18) I remember telling people I was going to have five kids and work out of the home for Doctors without Borders (you know, lots of international travel!) because my husband would be a SAHD. Yeah, sure.


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## AAK (Aug 12, 2004)

My favorite comes from a SIL who was all for planning a giant all family cruise (all=all adults, no kids). I was against it, as my youngest would have been 2 at the time of the trip. She was due just 2 or 3 months prior to the planned date. She said it would be no problem because she wouldn't be nursing, and most likely she would be pg again because she wanted her kids close together. She was planning on leaving baby with her parents for the week.

The cruise never happened, but that SIL did nurse (although not for a real long time) and was a very attached baby wearing mama. There is no way she would have left her for the cruise. And, to top it off, she is just now pg again. Her dd1 will be nearly 3 when the second is born.

Amy


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

I had a lot of naive ideas. I had spent literally no time with babies since I was 3 yrs old with my brother having just been born. After that, I had never held or even seen a newborn up close except in pictures once I found out I was pg (BIG surprise!!!) with ds1. I'd never held a baby, of any age and had only babysat twice and once was a 5 yr old who was under the primary care of my friend and the second time was an eight yr old and I was 12.

Soooo, clearly I had no life experiences and few memories to draw on when we rsvp'd for an out-of-town wedding 3 weeks following a planned (though not wanted) c/s. We went and I vowed to never do that again. It was insane. An older lady took my ds1 out of my arms (I could barely walk and was so weak that I couldn't even stop her, let alone raise my voice because I was so ill and unable to breathe properly from severe adhesions) and walked away into a crowd of about 75 people, out of sight. My dh had lost his voice from the air conditioning in the hotel room the night before and I couldn't yell for him. I eventually hobbled close enough to get his attention and he came and RAN frantically to find our son, which he did, and he severely reprimanded the lady. The wedding was in a rural church, on a highway 50km from the nearest town. What was she thinking???!!!

Before having a baby, I used to be annoyed when people wouldn't disappear from sight and earshot when their babies cried and couldn't understand why anyone with a baby would even go out where others would have to hear that.

I also thought my dc would never throw fits, say disrespectful things or hit. They just wouldn't because I wouldn't allow it, so they wouldn't do it.

I also didn't see myself having children or being married/partnered, though, so my thoughts were all hypothetical and I assumed they would always be.

It's probably a huge gift to me and my friends that I was the first to have children among us. I have to say though that my experiences with a high needs 1st baby scared two of my friends so much that they didn't end up even trying for a baby until they saw that my second and third sons didn't kill me.







And they WANTED children beforehand!

I am also a great vomit catcher and bodily recipient. Oh, and I'm good with urine and feces and my legs seem to be very convenient for wiping food remnants off on while my dc walk by...

One of my friends has just recently after her dc are now 3 and 4.5, stopped meeting my 'this is just how it is' comments about my own life with "why don't you _just_ _______ (insert idea that works with two children and is utterly impossible with four)." I'm glad because it was seriously straining our friendship.

I know so much now that I didn't beforehand, but this has illuminated how much I don't know and how much I am floundering around in a sea of good intentions. "I'm doing my best" never seemed quite sincere enough to me when I heard others say it before I had my dc, but now, it has a world of meaning so deep and beyond the simple phrase it is that I use it sparingly and only when I know the person who recieves it can appreciate what I mean by it.


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

There are a couple big things I remember in these discussions... I have a Bachelors in Child Development and was a preschool teacher, then center director prior to being a Mom. Needless to say, I had it all figured out... I had a former co-worker who left to SAH, she talked about how she was co-sleeping, but safely, being very careful with bedding, blankets, etc. I remember very clearly lecturing her about how dangerous that was, how she needed a crib, she knew better, etc. She reassured me she was careful, had done her research, didn't have extra bedding, etc. and I was still just SHOCKED at her callous disregard of all the "rules". I still want to try to find her and apologize...

I had a mom who was having trouble with her 4 yo getting in bed with them at night, and remembering laughing with my (childless) coworkers about how our kids would NEVER do that...

And I vividly remember the mom still nursing her 3 yo, and being HORRIFIED that I would NEVER nurse past a year or so. My kids would self-wean by a year, anything past that was mama-led..

Well, I now have a co-sleeping 5 yo, and a co-sleeping AND nursing 2 y. 11m. old, so yeah...


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Oooo, I remember visiting our friends who have three dc, one is an aspie with some very challenging issues that take a lot of time even with a care worker coming in for a few hours every day to relieve mum. They also homeschooled at the time (they don't now) and there were always toys on the floor- even on the stairs.

I used to wonder how anyone could stand to walk around a toy on the floor not just once, but repeatedly, and not bother to pick it up! I mean, it's right there! Just lean over and pick it up; how hard could that possibly be?








I'm glad I never said anything because then I'd have to relate the grace with which I reel around the myriad toys and acrobatically navigate our home mid-day.







I find toys in the sink, the fridge and the cupboards, no less. And we have very few toys, but they spread amazingly easily for their sparse population.

It turns out that one can only lean over so many times before it seems pointless, and is. I think of this when our childless friends come over and they have to step around a wooden car, in front of the door, that's been there for an hour or so...


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *berry987* 
Oh, I remember being a smug overworked, 26 year old with a stressful job and not enough time for myself. I thought those SAHMs had it easy with their strollers and coffee in hand and chatting at the park. I remember being totally exhausted on the weekends and needing to de-stress and unwind from my hard work-week. I didn't have "enough time for myself," but I managed to do my hair every morning, get massages and pedicures, and wear cute, well-tailored clothes. Not to say working people w/out kids don't have stressful lives, but in retrospect, I was just an annoying, entry-level employee in a big-deal field and didn't have the first clue about exhaustion.

I remember being the same way. I remember complaining all the time about being "so tired" and "so busy" when I was in college and as a new employee, and I look back now and can't believe I didn't use alllllllllll the free time I had more wisely. I would kill for that much time to myself these days!


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PreggieUBA2C* 
Before having a baby, I used to be annoyed when people wouldn't disappear from sight and earshot when their babies cried and couldn't understand why anyone with a baby would even go out where others would have to hear that.

I also thought my dc would never throw fits, say disrespectful things or hit. They just wouldn't because I wouldn't allow it, so they wouldn't do it.

Totally cracking up here. Mostly because I can relate.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
I remember being the same way. I remember complaining all the time about being "so tired" and "so busy" when I was in college and as a new employee, and I look back now and can't believe I didn't use alllllllllll the free time I had more wisely. I would kill for that much time to myself these days!

So so so so T.R.U.E. OMG. I was sooooo tired and busy. Now, if I have one tenth of that free time, I am grateful, and I use that precious gift of time wisely.


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

My sister and I used to roll our eyes whenever we witnessed my aunt "disciplining" her kids. They'd be getting into something breakable or dangerous and she say calmly and quietly, "Honey, please don't do that" "Honey, please stop." We were raised in a much louder, more physical environment that entailed one or both parents yelling, "NO!" and yanking us away from whatever it was. So we just couldn't BELIEVE this quiet pleading would work for her....

Joke's on me. Now those kids are two of the most well-adjusted, even-tempered adults I've ever met, and I'm trying to mother my son more like she did, even though the natural tendency is to the yell-and-yank approach. Thanks to you moms here, I've seen with my own eyes that remaining calm really does work much better! Still working on it, but I laugh out loud every time I hear myself say, "Sweetie, please don't do that" to my son.


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## hibiscus mum (Apr 6, 2009)

If I had stumbled upon MDC before having kids, i would've thought you were all huge weirdos. Co-sleeping? Crazy! Cloth diapering? Gross! My tune changed once I had a baby of my own.

My husband and I were at a store one day pre-kids, There were 2 kids running around, getting into things, and frequently running across our path, getting in our way. My husband said to me, "Our kids will NEVER behave like that. They will be respectful and MARCH in a single file!" He was sort of kidding. But I was reminded of that statement when I had DD at the grocery store last week and among other things she decided to: pretend to be a cat and crawl around the store and meow, spin around and make herself dizzy, and run fast and get in peoples' way.


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

I used to mentally berate parents for bringing their kids on the plane...I mean, jeez, couldn't they hire a nanny to take care of them while they went away? They are soooo disruptive







I made the worst faces seeing little kids on red-eye flights









Oh...and didn't ya know...I was going to take art classes and write my book while on maternity leave..

6 years later and I'm lucky if I get time alone in the bathroom to myself..


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## anne1140 (Apr 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
You know it irritated me before I had ds (especially as it took us 6 years to conceive) when people automatically disregarded me just because I wasn't a mommy & I refuse to do it to other people.

OF COURSE, we ALL have misperceptions before we have babies. And we do it with everything in our lives. First job, first road trip, before marriage, first house, first credit card, etc, etc, etc. Until you have lived something you can never truly comprehend it. I don't think of that as stupid but just how things are.

I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER say to someone "We'll see when you have kids!" as I found that SO hurtful.

Ditto. I've been TTC for over two years, and it's so hard. On another message board I'm on, there was an argument as to whether childless people should be posting on the parenting board. One person said, "If you don't have kids, you haven't earned the right to give advice." That was so hurtful. Did she really do something special to "earn" being a mother? What do I have to do to "earn" it? Because as far as work goes, I'm pretty sure I've put in way more work than her trying to get pregnant!

That's not to say that the things said on here aren't naive. They are. And I am laughing at a lot of them. I'm SURE I will be changing my mind on things. But just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't mean they don't know what they are talking about ever. Even parents say stupid things. A lot. (See *worst parenting advice* thread.







) I absolutely love lurking on the Parenting and Gentle Discipline boards here. I have a library in my house of Attachment Parenting books.







From all I've gleaned, I don't have any expectations of how my kids will be, because I have no clue! I can plan to do things like breastfeed, cloth diaper, and co-sleep, though, and I most certainly will not circumcise. My MIL gives me flack all the time, saying, "You'll see." I really hate it, because I'm not just pulling things out of my butt. I've done lots of research, and these things are very important to me. I think it's different in that I am not saying, "This is how it will be," but, "I feel strongly about this, and it's what I would like to do."

Okay, I'm done. This isn't directed at anyone here, because as far as I've read, no one's said, "All childless people are stupid..." or whatever. But I just wanted to throw it out there as something to think about.


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anne1140* 
But just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't mean they don't know what they are talking about ever. Even parents say stupid things. A lot. (See *worst parenting advice* thread.







) I absolutely love lurking on the Parenting and Gentle Discipline boards here. I have a library in my house of Attachment Parenting books.







From all I've gleaned, I don't have any expectations of how my kids will be, because I have no clue! I can plan to do things like breastfeed, cloth diaper, and co-sleep, though, and I most certainly will not circumcise. My MIL gives me flack all the time, saying, "You'll see." I really hate it, because I'm not just pulling things out of my butt. I've done lots of research, and these things are very important to me. I think it's different in that I am not saying, "This is how it will be," but, "I feel strongly about this, and it's what I would like to do."

Okay, I'm done. This isn't directed at anyone here, because as far as I've read, no one's said, "All childless people are stupid..." or whatever. But I just wanted to throw it out there as something to think about.









I just wanted to offer you support. I didn't have anything to do with mothers or babies until I became one and had my own, and although I had horrid thoughts about the way others raised their children before my ds1 was born (see my above posts...







), I was _actually_ clueless.

Everytime I see a ttc with no children (yet) member on here, I think very highly of the person who considers life and family so important that s/he is willing to really learn and really engage others on topics related even before having children. I always feel a bit envious because I think that while I'll continue to make mistakes as a mother, I wouldn't have made some of the particular ones that I did, had I spent some time even talking with others who cared, whether or not they had children.

I have a friend who doesn't have a partner, isn't pg and won't be anytime unless she finds one or makes other decisions leading to raising a child, and I looooooove talking with her about family life because she is so in love with family life that she has taken her whole adult life so far and learned and grown and matured in ways that have truly blessed many mothers and fathers and children and families. Her reading and her work are dominated by her interest in gentle and creative family living.

She is lightyears ahead of where I was even years after having children.

I always wish I had the foresight and love that she does now before my family started. I had so much catching up to do when I found myself overwhelmingly drowning in love for my new babe and no information and no support for the ways I found myself instinctually mothering, and no idea where to go to find others who knew more.

I just love that you do participate, even with such ignorant remarks as the ones others have made toward you or others in similar situations (not at all meaning to demean; your 'situation' is perfectly valid and valuable!!!).


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PreggieUBA2C* 







I'm glad I never said anything because then I'd have to relate the grace with which I reel around the myriad toys and acrobatically navigate our home mid-day.







I find toys in the sink, the fridge and the cupboards, no less. And we have very few toys, but they spread amazingly easily for their sparse population.

All it takes is one box of Legos!


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Oh, and even after having my 1st I was overconfident about sleep!

She started STTN all by herself at 12 weeks, and we were in a hotel, no less. So I was just sure that my careful attention to her schedule and needs were what caused that, and when ds1 started STTN at 10 weeks I was patting myself on the back like crazy. I was sure in for a shock when 2 months later he was sleeping in 40 minute stretches, and then crying for an hour or two in between.


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## Pavlovs (Dec 25, 2007)

When my best friend was in her early 20s she was very career minded. By nature she's uptight (she admits to it!) and worries about appearances. She actually said to me "people shouldn't bring their children in public, ever" because they can be uncooth and noisy! Many years later she gave up her career to be a stay at home mom of 2 and laughs at the way she viewed kids before. To boot she's got one incredibly stubborn girl, according to her mom is more stubborn than she was as a toddler - how it comes back to bite you in the end!

I have another friend who thought her friends were being abusive to their baby by swaddling him. She had to go home and google "swaddling" to find out that it's an acceptable (heck, in the case of my kids necessary) parenting skill!


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## Lovemy3babies (Apr 23, 2007)

My friends just had there first baby.

Through pregnancy, I would offer any help/items/advice I could to help them if they needed it.

I told her that after the baby comes, I would be happy to help her with nursing if she needs it. She said No, ive seen my friend nurse, its natural and easy.

She never breast fed one day out of the hospital, after the babys "rough start", meaning low blood sugar, she just didnt want to force her to latch. Not one day.

They asked about being induced, I said dont do it. They wanted there baby so bad, it didnt matter what cost. Went in to be induced, ended in a csection.

The funniest to me was me telling them in the hospital saturday night that its different when its your own baby. I was 19 when I had the twins, and I called 911 after 2 hours of being home alone. Elizabeth started coughing while I was feeding her a bottle (I was nursing, but of course, the hospital told me I HAD to supplement) and I freaked out, thinking she was choking. Dh called 911, and all the firetrucks in the city showed up for nothing.

My friends told me I probably hadnt been around babies before, that is why I was so nervous. I was 12 when my brother was born, so I was old enough to help and take care of him. I told them, its just different.

Fast forward to the next saturday (last week), middle of the night, decides the baby is breathing funny. Calls MIL and she says calm down, let me come over and assess her. They say we have already assessed her, she needs to go to the ER. They all go, and guess what? Baby is just fine, nothing funny going on. I just had to laugh, because it IS different when it is your own. All the reading, studying, helping in the world cant prepare you for your own.

I said I would NEVER put my kids on a leash, and I happily use one now for my high needs ds.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think the "I would never let my child do _______" and the "My child will never__________because I will be _________kind of parent" are the funniest comments. I laugh at myself everytime my dd does something I said she would never do because they are such silly little things that I really don't care about now that I have an actual kid.


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## MamaChicken (Aug 21, 2006)

Before DS1, I was planning to BF (not a single drop of the EVIL formula) but not co-sleep. DH was adament that we co-sleep so I gave it a try, and thought I would never do it any other way. DD came and yet again it worked well. I love babywearing, never took a stoller anywhere.

Then I got pregnant with twins.

One of them sleeps in a crib. Both are partially formula fed. The stroller is still my best friend and I never managed to wear them on a regular basis.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Oh let's see...

there's a 20 y/o that I used to be that said, "Ugh, breastfeeding is disgusting. Why someone would do that in public is beyond me, isn't that what bottles are for?" (oh yes I really did say that). Now I am a die-hard lactivist









and there was the time I said that I couldn't see myself nursing past 1 year, anything after that is just creepy







and here I am still nursing my 31 month old









I also thought cloth-diapering was just stupid, now I own my own collection of prefolds, wraps, longies, and wool covers.

I also thought I would never be like my parents. And this was doubly important for me because I came from a very abusive home. And while I can say I am not at all like my parents, I was still taught by them, and the way they parented still runs strong in me, and it is very hard not to do what I was taught. I thought it would be so easy, just do the opposite. It is not that easy.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Boudicca~* 
I also thought I would never be like my parents. And this was doubly important for me because I came from a very abusive home. And while I can say I am not at all like my parents, I was still taught by them, and the way they parented still runs strong in me, and it is very hard not to do what I was taught. I thought it would be so easy, just do the opposite. It is not that easy.

Yep, I do this too. That's when it's not so cute or funny, but just makes you want to tear your freakin' hair out, huh?


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fuamami* 
Yep, I do this too. That's when it's not so cute or funny, but just makes you want to tear your freakin' hair out, huh?









Yeah...







I'm glad that you understand.


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## chipper26 (Sep 4, 2008)

One of my good friends is pregnant. We were discussing traveling with the baby. I told her she would probably be limited for awhile b/c she isn't going to ant to hear the baby scream during a long trip.

Her response was that she put up with a whining, screaming cat on a long trip this year!

I said that she is not biologically linked to the cat and the cats cries do not effect her the same way. Plus, she isn't going to want her baby to be in misery during the trip.. she'll care more about the baby's feelings than the cats.


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## littlehoneybee (Jun 20, 2005)

I just had a young, twenty something, childless airline worker ask me why I didn't just drive 10 hours nonstop to my destination. This was after my flight had been cancelled for the third time in three days, due to the east coast snow storm. I was alone with two young kids who were crying their eyes out because they want to see grandma for Christmas. I asked him if he'd ever driven 10 hours nonstop with two screaming children through snow. He replied that he'd driven lots of long trips, but WITHOUT children. I told him then he didn't know what he was talking about.


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## bandgeek (Sep 12, 2006)

I thought I'd just nurse a year. Ha!

I said I'd never use cloth diapers because it was too much work.

I didn't want the baby in the bed with me.

I'd lose the pregnancy weight or die trying (I just don't even care after I have a baby).

I'd pump so the baby could take a bottle once in a while.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bandgeek* 
I didn't want the baby in the bed with me.

I'd lose the pregnancy weight or die trying (I just don't even care after I have a baby).

I'd pump so the baby could take a bottle once in a while.

ME TOO!!!

Baby is sleeping in my bed all night now & I think it's awesome. We disassembled the crib and he only slept in it 5 minutes total his whole life.

I don't care that I still look 4-5 months pregnant (ok maybe just a little but not enough to do anything about it!) I thought the pregnancy weight would be a huge issue for me!!

And my baby has never once had a bottle!

A few more...

I thought DH & I would have plenty of time to relax together each night after the baby went to bed. Well, baby goes to bed at midnight!!

I thought being a parent was easy. I saw all those cute quiet babies & loved holding and caring for them for a few hours. When I was 12 or so and my aunt adopted her first child, I begged my mom to have another baby -- "I'll take care of him for you, I'll feed him and burp him and change all the diapers, I promise!!!"


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## hippiemommaof4 (Mar 31, 2008)

have a family friend who I love but she is just well...socially ridiculous sometimes and clueless too. Anyway she always says" oh i can relate (to whatever childhood issues etc.) because my boys do xyz
.....well her "boys" are two huge dogs who are agressive and horrible btw. so she always compares her dogs to kids, it drives me INSANEEEEE. Not only that, one day I was talking about something one of my kids had done and she goes "you should spank them" so I go "umm yeah right, do you spank your dogs when they do horrible things(all the time in her case)?" she goes well no...and she shut up after that lol.


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2lilsweetfoxes* 
We are all perfect parents before we have kids. Theoretical children are so sweet and actually mind when you talk to them in a calm manner, don't test you, and meet all developmental milestones right on cue. Real children are human--and they don't read the psychology how-to-raise-good-children book-of-the-day.

Love it!


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## Catubodua (Apr 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER say to someone "We'll see when you have kids!" as I found that SO hurtful.

I am so with you on this. I'm starting to refuse to discuss any choices i'm making now because of how often people scoff and tell me how i'll change my mind about xyz and about how i don't know what i'm talking about.


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## rhiOrion (Feb 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Catubodua* 
I am so with you on this. I'm starting to refuse to discuss any choices i'm making now because of how often people scoff and tell me how i'll change my mind about xyz and about how i don't know what i'm talking about.

It also makes it so much harder when we DO end up changing our minds.

I find myself doing a lot of "I'm *hoping* to have a natural birth" and "I'm *hoping* to BF for at least a year" (which I know isn't that long in the MDC scheme of things, but I just can't even think past that right now), and "I'm *hoping* to use cloth diapers *most* of the time."

That said, I HAVE said some pretty stupid things. And I'm sure I'm still thinking stupid things now.

I remember years ago when my friend (and fellow MDC momma) said that she wanted to have her future babies either at home or at a birth center thinking (and maybe saying?) that it was just CRAZY! Babies are born at hospitals, don't you know?

Guess who's having her baby with midwives at the local free standing birth center in April...


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## KittyDanger (Jan 27, 2009)

My childless brother, then about 29, was in town just after the birth of DS1. I wasn't sure if he and my dad were coming for a visit or not, they were sort of being wishy washy about whether they were coming that day. DS fell asleep and I blissfully fell into a deep sleep along with him.

I wake up to my maintinence man letting my dad and brother into my apartment. Apparently they had been trying to call and were knocking and I wasn't answering. My brother goes "What!?? Are you taking sleeping pills?"

"I was like, uh, no, I have a newborn. Unless you are baby crying I am not going to hear you."

IDIOT! Like you would even NEED sleeping pills when you have a newborn.


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## Snapdragon (Aug 30, 2007)

It is really fun to read this thread as someone who is pregnant with my first baby







It is making me laugh because I have said and thought some of the things you guys are mentioning!


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## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

Some of these are really cracking me up.









I can only imagine what some people said about my 'advice' when I wasn't a parent. I'm sure it was AWFUL.

I'm also laughing because I thought all the loony 'advice' people gave me when I was pregnant was _such_ a great idea. Now I'm like "_Are you kidding me?!_"


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## BarefootGirl (Aug 5, 2009)

anne1140 said:


> Ditto. I've been TTC for over two years, and it's so hard. On another message board I'm on, there was an argument as to whether childless people should be posting on the parenting board. One person said, *"If you don't have kids, you haven't earned the right to give advice." That was so hurtful. Did she really do something special to "earn" being a mother? What do I have to do to "earn" it? Because as far as work goes, I'm pretty sure I've put in way more work than her trying to get pregnant!*
> 
> That's not to say that the things said on here aren't naive. They are. And I am laughing at a lot of them. I'm SURE I will be changing my mind on things. But just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't mean they don't know what they are talking about ever. Even parents say stupid things. A lot. (See *worst parenting advice* thread.
> 
> ...


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## Peppermint Poppies (Jan 7, 2007)

Two friends/colleagues (from when I worked pre-DS) are now currently pregnant at the same time. On facebook, one of them wrote to the other and said it was so exciting because _now they could be ladies of leisure together_.


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## sweetpeppers (Dec 19, 2007)

Funny things I said and did while pregnant with my son:

-My mom was saying something about how pro-breastfeeding she was, and somehow LLL came up and she said, well some of them are pretty extreme, I think if they are old enough to chew their own food then they're too old to be nursing. I totally agreed. LOL, now I'm nursing my almost three year old and my mom is always telling him how lucky he is to have all this good milk.








-I set up my son's crib in his own room.
-I knew I wanted as much time with my son as possible, but I really planned on going back to work after I took all my family leave up. Didn't happen.
-I still refuse to have a child that throws a fit in the grocery store...only sometimes I do...

*I think the thing is babies and kids are just so not a part of regular life, that most (many?) mothers are basically clueless about how babies or children really act.* Case in point: the classic sitcom baby: one episode of crying baby, sleepless mother and then she's back to regular life and you never see the baby again, except for cute camios. It's always one extreme or the other.


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## Jill0905 (May 11, 2005)

My mom told me when I was pregnant with ds1 to never say anything about "how my child will never..". She said it will come back tenfold. So true! I said that my child will never have fits it the store.







oh yea, sure!! Never say never is all I am going to say!


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetpeppers* 
*I think the thing is babies and kids are just so not a part of regular life, that most (many?) mothers are basically clueless about how babies or children really act.* Case in point: the classic sitcom baby: one episode of crying baby, sleepless mother and then she's back to regular life and you never see the baby again, except for cute camios. It's always one extreme or the other.

YES!! Years ago, the extended family all lived in the same house. People had lots & lots of kids, so whether you were 12 or 20 there was probably a baby around... I think people might have known a little more what to expect back then, although it's always different when it's your own! But now... I don't even watch much TV but the "sitcom baby" is ingrained in my mind. I really thought my life would be exactly the same except "with a baby"... I really thought I'd still go to work, go out & about, go on "dates" with DH, get lots of sleep, etc... I had NO CLUE what babies were really like. I thought something was wrong with my baby for months because I was in such shock... well he had colic & he's very high needs but I think I would've dealt better if I'd had more realistic expectations.

ETA: Now when I watch TV I laugh at how inaccurate the shows are... I'm always thinking, where's the baby? Who's watching the baby? How come the baby never cries? Why is the baby still in a 22-lb max carrier but can already walk & stack blocks?


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## ProtoLawyer (Apr 16, 2007)

I don't think it's particularly "naive" or "stupid" to say things like "I don't want my baby in my bed" or "I don't want to be a SAHM and don't envision myself ever doing so." Because you know what? I don't, right now. It's an expression of a state of mind, an opinion, right now. These things can change, I understand. It's kind of like "I don't want to be a lawyer," 10 years ago--back then, I didn't, and it wasn't naive of me to say so. Now, I am.

Ditto for "I will go back to work when my leave is up." Because, you know what? I will. I'm the breadwinner. If I don't, we don't eat. I also have a mental health issue that will make it worse if I *don't* have an externally imposed schedule (even if being away from the baby all day will suck). And I'll find a way to be OK with it.

Edit: The "just you wait" stuff PPs remarked about infuriate me as well. I find it as unhelpful from the "crunchy" ("you may THINK you don't want to sleep with your child but JUST YOU WAIT!") as I do the "mainstream" ("oh, you may THINK you're down with natural childbirth, but JUST YOU WAIT!")
How about letting me figure out what works best for me and my family for myself? (I have to give my husband a LOT of credit here...he's experienced in this--well, the having an infant part, the pregnancy part is only vicarious--but has not really not given me any "oh, you won't wanna do that because when my ex was pregnant with my daughter, she did X...")


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turtlecouple* 
yeeahhh...I cringe when I think about some of the stuff I said pre-babies...
















exactly!









I remember when I would be out in stores and see unruly toddlers or babies and thinking my kid wuold never be allowed to do that. HA! Little did I know that the children that act this way sometimes can not be quieted by even the best parents in the world. No parent is perfect and no child is perfect and nowadays when I witness those types of children in stores I nod my head in sympathy to the parent.


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
ETA: Now when I watch TV I laugh at how inaccurate the shows are... I'm always thinking, where's the baby? Who's watching the baby? How come the baby never cries? Why is the baby still in a 22-lb max carrier but can already walk & stack blocks?

I have always liked how sitcoms (soap operas too) with babies always make the babies magically disappear and always wonder who is watching them.


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetpeppers* 
Case in point: the classic sitcom baby: one episode of crying baby, sleepless mother and then she's back to regular life and you never see the baby again, except for cute camios. It's always one extreme or the other.

And the next season--the baby is a preschooler.

Though the bringing the baby out very rarely is probably due to the child acting labor laws--if the baby has a central role, then they need to hire twins or triplets, and the amount of time it takes to get one shot. Also, babies are unpredictable.


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fuamami* 
All it takes is one box of Legos!

Indeed!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peppermint Poppies* 
Two friends/colleagues (from when I worked pre-DS) are now currently pregnant at the same time. On facebook, one of them wrote to the other and said it was so exciting because _now they could be ladies of leisure together_.










I laughed really hard when I read this. Then I read it to dh; he laughed really hard too.

I am presently planning to do EC with our next babe, and I told my friends, who were completely shocked at the idea, which surprised me because of their backgrounds, so I explained it and that didn't help. I am prepared to be mocked if it doesn't work out for us...







But I really, really want to.

Just watch, this will be the first babe of ours to actually sleep, and then my senses will relax and I'll be doing a lot of poopy non-diaper laundry (before I give in and use the cloth diapers instead).


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## Mrs. Bratton (Jan 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onemomentatatime* 
Before DC#1, I worked full time out of the house, DH worked full time at home. We thought after my maternity leave was up DH could care for DC at home and work at home AT THE SAME TIME! You know, she'd play on the floor on her playmat or with her blocks while DH got his work done. When she wasn't napping of course.










This is exactly what DH did w/ Chloe until she was over a year. Now she has been going to daycare a few days a week. She has gotten to a point where she has a fit if he is not in the same room as her. her "room" at his warehouse/office thing is across from his actual office where his desk and computer is. He uses a baby gate in the doorway and the entire room is baby proof and full of toys. So she can hang out and play in there and he can see her.

That just recently started to be a problem so we got her in an in-home daycare. But before that it wasnt an issue.

When she was a newborn he just worked right from home. She slept a LOT.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
Why is the baby still in a 22-lb max carrier but can already walk & stack blocks?

lol, well, my son is 18 lbs and can walk and stack blocks! (he's 16 months)


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onemomentatatime*
Before DC#1, I worked full time out of the house, DH worked full time at home. We thought after my maternity leave was up DH could care for DC at home and work at home AT THE SAME TIME! You know, she'd play on the floor on her playmat or with her blocks while DH got his work done. When she wasn't napping of course.

That is what I do actually, I watch DS while I work (he crawls up to me when he wants to nurse!) It works well but definitely can get stressful at times... especially when I'm trying to talk to clients while he is screaming in the background!! But, just wanted to say, it CAN be done.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych*
lol, well, my son is 18 lbs and can walk and stack blocks! (he's 16 months)

LOL!! Well I just meant... the age the kid is 'supposed' to be doesn't always seem to match his abilities/size/etc.

I have a chunky kid but he's almost a year & the same height as his 4-month-old cousin!!!!!!!!!! lol


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## TulsiLeaf (Nov 23, 2009)

Oh I was gonna pierce my babies ears at 6 weeks old.


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## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

DH and I agreed all around that we were going to travel with baby often and we were not going to let a 2 year old stop us from going to restaurants, we were going to teach him to be nice at the table and NEVER let him run around and he was going to sit quietly while we all ate.

Yeah. We still take him plenty of places, don't get me wrong, but we've become bonafide homebodies now! And we like it!


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

Before we had kids, DH wanted a dozen. Now, 3 is sometimes "too many"









I have a friend who gives me crap whenever I mention the latest thing the kids are doing to drive me crazy because when DS was about 2 weeks old, I informed her something along the lines that he was the sweetest being on the planet, **Everything** he does is cute, and I will *NEVER EVER* feel that way about this person... (in response to something *her* kids did that drove her crazy I'm sure...)

Yeah. In the days before he had siblings or the ability to fight with them...

Said same friend breastfed to age 2. While I never said anything, I did think it was a little above and beyond.
My daughter self-weaned shortly before the baby came and we briefly tried out tandem nursing. (She wasn't *truly* all that interested in nursing anymore, and *I* didn't particularly love tandem-ing...worked out well for both of us. She was 5 days short of 22 mos when he was born)
DS2 is nursing and I have no plans on making that stop. (13 mos)

Almost everyone I know has coslept and before I had kids, I was "NEVER" going to do that....till I got DS1 home and well, I just couldn't sleep WITHOUT him! (he stayed in my bed 11 months full time, I crawled in *his* bed--a queen mattress on the floor--till he stopped night-waking at around 18 months, napped with him well beyond then. DD coslept till shortly before DS2 was born. DS2 is almost 14 months and while I occasionally entertain the idea of doing what I did with DS1, I don't *really* want to do it anytime *soon* he's just too dang cuddly and it's too easy to just stick in the boo and get extra sleep at 6 AM








)

Oh and when my dad advised "Don't do cloth diapers" I actually laughed and said "Who does *that* anymore anyway, Dad?" (then I found MDC, and ds1 had cloth diapers at 7 months old







)

this one would be funny if it wasn't so sad.....I was going to breastfeed when I was pregnant with DS1....nobody warned me the hospital could sabotage that. I was *completely* unprepared, figured I'd just well, stick boob in baby and it would all work out. It didn't.
It just made me that much more determined to NOT be sabotaged with DD, which I WASN"t


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## Blueone (Sep 12, 2009)

I remember telling my mom how I would let my husband spend as much time as possible with our baby and how I wouldn't tell him what to do or how to do it or hover.







Do you know how hard that is to do? I have to bite my tongue if I see him try to put him to sleep the wrong way and repeat to myself that it's ok if he holds him differently or spends time with him differently. LOL!

I swore he'd sleep in his own crib in his own room, that we'd breastfeed (didn't work out and still disappointed about that), that I'd never cloth diaper, etc. I've done the opposite of all of those, we bed share, bottle feed, and cloth diaper.

Now that I know the challenges of breastfeeding though, I'm determined to make it work next time and not let the hospital ruin it.


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## Amys1st (Mar 18, 2003)

This thread makes me LOL.

When ever we have someone who is childless tell us a "well when I have kids..." story, DH usually just chuckles and says "Parenting is a humbling experience." and is the person in question says something back, DH always says "You know, we were also the greatest parents too before we had our kids." That usually ends the conversation.

We were very fortunate to grow up literally around babies. DH is from a family of 9 and he is number 8. So he was an uncle at age 11. I started dating him in HS so I was around babies whenever we were around his family. MY dd1 was #12 on the grandchild list and dd2 was #14. We both watched his and my siblings have babies and raise kids so we were fine waiting a while earlier in our marriage. Being young and childless, we could also babysit and stay later so we were used to babysit a lot in those days.

So most of what has happened in parenting we were not really surprised other than you have no idea how much you can really love someone until they are your children, kwim??


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## BlueWolf (Jul 21, 2008)

A week before DD was born, we were at my in laws 4th of July party. DH's aunt is only a couple years older than him so her children are all under the age of 10. The six year old had been running around outside in the mud, then jumped on my IL's nice couches and got mud all over them. Both my ILs were so angry. I told my FIL that his granddaughter would NEVER behave in that manner. He just smiled at me and said "I'll hold you to that".

That being said, I will tried my darnedest to not allow my child to disrespect others belongings. I know I wont always be successful, but.. there you have it! lol


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I said I'd NEVER co-sleep(says the woman who has a 3 month and a 3 y/old in bed almost nightly







). Silly mama.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ProtoLawyer* 
I don't think it's particularly "naive" or "stupid" to say things like "I don't want my baby in my bed" or "I don't want to be a SAHM and don't envision myself ever doing so." Because you know what? I don't, right now. It's an expression of a state of mind, an opinion, right now. These things can change, I understand.

I agree, actually. These things are reflections of where someone is at pre-baby...and that can change (and doesn't always).

Quote:

Edit: The "just you wait" stuff PPs remarked about infuriate me as well. I find it as unhelpful from the "crunchy" ("you may THINK you don't want to sleep with your child but JUST YOU WAIT!") as I do the "mainstream" ("oh, you may THINK you're down with natural childbirth, but JUST YOU WAIT!")
I find this stuff annoying, but I do understand how some of it happens.

The comments I really don't like from childless people are the "my child will _never_ blah, blah, blah". That category grates on my last nerve. I very rarely say anything back, but that's when I'm most tempted to pull out the evil "just you wait". I've never understood why, in some cases, person A feels the need to tell Person B, who is doing something that Person A has never done, exactly what Person B is doing wrong, and how much better Person A would be at it...if Person A had ever done it. And, the number of people who pull out the, "oh, I know I'll be a wonderful parent, because I've babysat/had my niece over for a whole day/worked in childcare" absolutely blows my mind. I feel that's a bit like claiming one could win a golf tournament, because one has played the game with some friends a couple of times.

Quote:

How about letting me figure out what works best for me and my family for myself? (I have to give my husband a LOT of credit here...he's experienced in this--well, the having an infant part, the pregnancy part is only vicarious--but has not really not given me any "oh, you won't wanna do that because when my ex was pregnant with my daughter, she did X...")
Your husband rocks. Seriously. The number of people who have to put up with that kind of thing blows my mind. I kind of get it, with respect to the actual parenting part - I know I used to talk to dh about things that had and hadn't wroked with ds1, when dd1 was little (although I did keep in mind that ds1 and dd1 have _very_ different temperaments). The way some men will try to run a second wife's pregnancy by remote control, based on what their first wife's pregnancy was like just amazes me. Yeah - because obviously the second wife is _exactly_ like the first wife - we're all stamped out with cookie cutters. *sigh*


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