# Dr. James Dobson



## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

Anyone know anything about him? My mom keeps raving about him, but I thought I had seen his name in association w/the pearls here?


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## sadie_sabot (Dec 17, 2002)

Focus on the Family, I think...advoates abuse in many forms, strong patriarchal figure; in tight with the right wing christians and bushco...


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

I just found the website, and told my mom no way would I ever be interested in that book. She was all shocked that he advocated spanking etc? Then again, she spanked, used soap to wash our mouths out ect. But she knows how ap and gd I am, and she thought this guy was all gentle and stuff? WTH??


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## dnr3301 (Jul 4, 2003)

RainbowBrite- I love your siggy. I'm typing it out and posting it in my house as a reminder. Thank you.


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

Aw thanks! I'm still perplexed over this Dr. Dobson thing. I love Alfie Kohn. I don't believe in punishment- at all. So I don't know why my mom who has supported my very ap/many nfl choices would rec him. She was all surprised when I mentioned I heard neg things about him. After mentioning what I saw on his site, she said ok, no Dr. Dobson. My mom is a practicing Catholic not sure if that is where this is stemming from? I'm so confused now!


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

the site? I want to post a review on amazon.com, and I'd like to see what he actually says in the book before I do so. (I've done the same with the Pearls too). I mean, I know I don't like what the guy says, but I feel like I should at least be informed before I bash him anywhere, kwim?
Thanks!

Becky


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Mr. Dobson and I rarely agree on anything...parenting or no.


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

Here is the website I found of his Dr. Dobson


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I'm going to write a review on Amazon.com.
It seems like he's not as bad as the Pearls. Of course, that's like saying that stabbing someone twice isn't as bad as stabbing them 5 times... But still, at least he doesn't advocate using "switches" on babies!! (at least from what I read)
Ugh. I can't stand these idiots who try to scare people into beating their kids.

I just want to clarify that I don't think that what he says to do is ok in the least!!


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I hate Dobson the most out of any parenting person I've heard of. He advocates a lot of not gd things and his ideas on raising boys and homosexuality are wrong.

I do know he gets hocked a bit in churches, so maybe that is how your mom heard of him.


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

I, too, had a question about him not too long ago:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=317554


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

Hey thanks! His site has a q and a about spanking, and recommends punishment starting at 14 months







: So not as bad as the Pearls, but that doesn't make him good at all


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

Dr. Dobson advocates "taking control" of "willful" children as young as 6 mos. of age in a book of his that I have (gift from my baby shower...I keep it handy just for such occasions as this...to show how evil he really is).

If you want a specific quote let me know, I'll be happy to provide. He's not as bad as the Pearls, no, but he's right up there.


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## LoveBeads (Jul 8, 2002)

He's the devil incarnate.


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## cks321 (Apr 26, 2005)

My mom was an avid DR. Dobson fan. She still has all his books and wants me to read them.....uh no. I didn't enjoy having a hairbrush being broken over my butt so I'm not about to do it to my precious little girls no matter what!


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

Dobson has a widely syndicated radio program (like Rush Limbaugh) on christian stations and sounds very reasonable and mild-mannered on the radio, even while on a rant. He sounds like Sears, but with meaner words coming out of his mouth. But the tone sounds good.

Many, many people have heard him there, and I would not be surprised if some people overlook the substance and think, "ohhh, he sounds like such a gentle man, maybe I should buy that book for my daughter."


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## fluffernutter (Dec 8, 2002)

My mom loves him too.







We were 'trained' according to his books. *barf*

And of course, my mom thinks she did a good job because we all sat through chuch quietly and 'obeyed' her every word. She overlooks the fact that were were terrified.







Not to mention the other various issues we have now, 20 years later.


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

He does advocate using switches:
Dobson Q&A


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

Thanks for a heads up. A friend recently recommended him to me.
Now I know not to even bother checking it out.


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## Threefold (Nov 27, 2001)

Just a thought, my mom kept raving about this guy, Fitzhugh Dodson, and I was appalled b/c I had him confused with James Dobson. Fitzhugh Dodson is much gentler and closer to AP, advocates for natural consequences, though my first impression is that he is more of a behaviorist (haven't read much though).


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fluffernutter*
My mom loves him too.







We were 'trained' according to his books. *barf*

And of course, my mom thinks she did a good job because we all sat through chuch quietly and 'obeyed' her every word. She overlooks the fact that were were terrified.







Not to mention the other various issues we have now, 20 years later.

this was my dad through & through


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## poppyqwn (Jan 5, 2005)

Is he the "The Strong Willed Child" guy? MIL has been telling me about that book since I first met her. I haven't read it, so I didn't know he was so icky!


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## mamimapster (Oct 27, 2004)

Well, He essentially believes that my family shouldn't exist. Sadly he has a little radio slot on one of the channels I listen to for traffic reports, so I have to tune him off. it's rather sad, as he has a very calm & gentle voice that spews venom & gives lots of $$ to anti-civil rights groups.


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## cherity (Feb 26, 2002)

I guess I don't really know where I will be going with all this, but I feel I have a few things to say. I haven't listened to his radio program but for a few minutes on a couple of occassions and really don't have any particular comments about those experiences. I am a Christian and I did have attend the Dobson's 'Bringing up Boys' series at our church...with reservation and critique. I had previously read Dobson's 'The Strong-Willed Child' book and really didn't try to remember any advice in the book beyond my own feelings the IF I HAD followed the book's advice I would have a VERY angry and unhappy child on my hands right now. It just wasn't for me and it wasn't for my very intense, emotional DS. I feel my DS can trust me and feel comfortable asserting his 'strong will' with me because I didn't punish/hurt him for being who he is. God gave me this type of challenging child so that I can slowly and patiently learn to be the kind of parent he needs... I feel this is all my growing experience...not the time to be forcing my child's 'inconvenient, strong-willed, behavior' (my quotes) into submission. I want my child growing up with a image of a loving, merciful, graceful God with myself as a role model (so to speak) and not an angry, wrathful God who expects blind obedience.
With all that being said, I don't think Dobson is THAT bad. He does firmly believe/promote the important of a strong, loving and functional family unit. Albeit, a very traditional, conservative view of family. We could argue the pros and cons of the patriarchal family structure and how it should look/work, blah, blah, blah forever. I think Dobson sees this working well in a lot of families and sees a lot of dysfunction when something in this equation is 'out of whack' (a missing father, neglectful father, two fathers, etc). From the 'Bringing up Boys' series I learned that he does care about children. He does think parents should be loving and fair, understanding and listen to their children thoughts, hurts, feelings, joys, etc. I don't believe in spanking, but I don't have to agree with everything someone teaches to agree with somethings they teach/advocate. I certainly don't think he is the parenting icon/guru that some other Christians parents I know do, but I don't necessarily think him the devil incarnate. I choose rather to follow Christ's lead and I can't imagine him laying a hand on my child. I imagine Christ pouring love and patience into my children, looking at my children with compassion and empathizing where they are coming from. Many times parents have to resort to punishment when they have failed to see the early signs of misbehavior coming (the child needing attention, getting to overwhelmed, too hungry, tired, insecure, etc). I see Dobson's view of punishment as failing to be proactive, choosing to be reactive and not including much creativity in dealing with problems. Call that evil if you will, I call it 'not my style'.


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## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cherity*
With all that being said, I don't think Dobson is THAT bad. He does firmly believe/promote the important of a strong, loving and functional family unit. He does think parents should be loving and fair, understanding and listen to their children thoughts, hurts, feelings, joys, etc.

I think he is THAT bad. Anyone who advocates hitting children does not understand TRUE strength, TRUE love or being TRULY functional. A family as you describe it does not beat their kids.

From The Strong-Willed Child:
http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/DobsonsDog.html

There are so many other sources of great informationt that advocate strong, loving and functional families. Why would anyone waste their time with someone who is so completely caught up in control issues and would rather scare a child into 'behaving'.

As for Bringing Up Boys, I particularly loved the part about having to emotionally kill off mom to be like dad. Sick.


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## flowers (Apr 8, 2004)

We were raised on the Dr. Dobson "plan" and I have to tell you BOY it backfired on my parents. Now that my brothers and I are all in our twenties they are like completely different people than when we were young...so much more humble and respectful. This is a result of learning from life and experience rather than trying to fullfill the Christian Dobson authoritarian role.

I would LOVE to find the link where the Academy of Pediatrics says he is a danger to babies...anyone???

My mom just bought me the strong willed child b/c I am trying to help my sil who believes in no disciplin at all and she is having some trouble with behaviors. Does she really think someone can go from never saying the word "no" to using a paddle on her kid?

I do have to say though that they feed right off of people who "hate" him and his message. They expect to be persecuted for their beliefs.


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## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flowers*
I would LOVE to find the link where the Academy of Pediatrics says he is a danger to babies...anyone???

I do have to say though that they feed right off of people who "hate" him and his message. They expect to be persecuted for their beliefs.

I am happy to oblige their expectations!

I searched AAP and did not find it. I know they came out against Babywise, but I could not find that either. AAP policy DOES say that people should not spank.


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## mamakay (Apr 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flowers*
We were raised on the Dr. Dobson "plan" and I have to tell you BOY it backfired on my parents. Now that my brothers and I are all in our twenties they are like completely different people than when we were young...so much more humble and respectful. This is a result of learning from life and experience rather than trying to fullfill the Christian Dobson authoritarian role.

I would LOVE to find the link where the Academy of Pediatrics says he is a danger to babies...anyone???

My mom just bought me the strong willed child b/c I am trying to help my sil who believes in no disciplin at all and she is having some trouble with behaviors. Does she really think someone can go from never saying the word "no" to using a paddle on her kid?

I do have to say though that they feed right off of people who "hate" him and his message. They expect to be persecuted for their beliefs.

I'm so with you on all points. Hating him fules the fire and makes you part of the devil's army or some weirdness like that. I still hate him, though...lol...
I was raised around a lot of the first generation Dobsonite kids and most of them went a little nuts, eventually being sent to "tough love" rehab camps and whatnot.
I think Dobson was even weirder back in the 80's. Back then I think the main idea was that Satan was stalking children and parents needed strong dicipline (bizzaro punishments and mind control tactics) to counter this Satanic plot.








I lost a lot of friends to heroin addiction and overdose that I personally blame Dobson directly for. I know that sounds extreme, but it was "Focus on the Family" that told these parents to abuse their kids and then send them off to brainwashing facilities when the kids started acting "rebellious".
The whole "we hit you because we love you" thing just causes so much psychological harm I just can't help but hate it, yk?


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## CaliMommie (Feb 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annab*
As for Bringing Up Boys, I particularly loved the part about having to emotionally kill off mom to be like dad. Sick.









: And I like how in one of his books he says that if a marriage doesn't work it is always the womans fault as she must not have met her husbands needs well enough.







:


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## poppyqwn (Jan 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annab*

From The Strong-Willed Child:
http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/DobsonsDog.html

OH WOW!







I cannot believe what I just read!







If he treats his dog like that, then how does he treat his children?







All I could think is if that was the first time the dog disobeyed him in six years then maybe the dog was feeling ill or something like that. I would have never seen that situation as a "power struggle" more of a something is not quite right. What a







!!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annab*

As for Bringing Up Boys, I particularly loved the part about having to emotionally kill off mom to be like dad. Sick.

Uhhmmm, I hate to ask....but WHAT?!?







I don't really want to know, but I WANT to know!







: I am afraid of what I will find out tho!


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## cherity (Feb 26, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CaliMommie*







: And I like how in one of his books he says that if a marriage doesn't work it is always the womans fault as she must not have met her husbands needs well enough.







:

Just for my own information and to be well rounded, what book is this in?


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## CaliMommie (Feb 11, 2004)

Let me think on that for a minute. I can't remember the title offhand. I read it a long, long time ago.


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## cherity (Feb 26, 2002)

annab said:


> I think he is THAT bad. Anyone who advocates hitting children does not understand TRUE strength, TRUE love or being TRULY functional. A family as you describe it does not beat their kids.
> 
> This is an issue in which I am torn. I don't hit my children, but I do think it is a little presumptuous and arrogant of me if I was to think that have the TRUE strength, love, and functionality that these families who spank do not. I know many families who have older children who were spanked and carry no more emotional 'baggage' than those who were never spanked. Maybe even less because they had someone who 'lovingly' laid down the law when they went too far. I remember being spanked twice by my dad. Once when I was 5 because I got caught smoking my aunts ciggies. My dad spanked and I remember that not because I was traumatized by the spanking but because I knew I had REALLY crossed the line. Could he have done something different? Probably, but I didn't feel unloved or disrespected because of the spanking. Granted, I know there are times when this is grossly abused. This is one of the reasons I don't do it, but I do caution myself not to be so arrogant in my thinking that I judge others decision too quickly.
> There are all sorts of ways that parents can mess up their kids
> ...


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## cherity (Feb 26, 2002)

There are so many other sources of great informationt that advocate strong, loving and functional families. Why would anyone waste their time with someone who is so completely caught up in control issues and would rather scare a child into 'behaving'.








: And that is why I pay little attention to him now.


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## lunadoula (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cherity*
We could argue the pros and cons of the patriarchal family structure and how it should look/work, blah, blah, blah forever. I think Dobson sees this working well in a lot of families and sees a lot of dysfunction when something in this equation is 'out of whack' (a missing father, neglectful father, two fathers, etc).

Cherity, I certainly hope you are stating only that *Dobson's* opinion is that a child with two fathers is a family that has "dysfunction" or is "out of whack", because stating that kind of *personal* opinion is against the MDC user agreement.

I'm not trying to start conflict, only asking that we not go down that road.


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveBeads*
He's the devil incarnate.

I just visited his website and read a bunch of his articles and I have to agree with you LoveBeads. It is so scary to think my children will be growing up with other children that are treated so horribly.







It makes me want to cry.


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

My issue with Dobson is that his whole, central premise is to break the child's will and make them submissive. Not what I want for my child. I like her to listen, sure - and I even expect that - but to want my child's will to be broken is just uh, sick, kinda? He also does a lot of name-calling in SWC, just what I want to model, not. I'm sure Jesus is up in heaven saying "what a snivvely-nosed little brat that kid is. Someone should sure break her will with a whuppin.'" Jesus was a little strong-willed himself, IMO.

I am fairly sure that this is who Sears refers to when discussing Christian non-AP methods. And Dobson dislikes Sears in return...

Christian response to Dobson:
http://www.stoptherod.net/dobson.html

"Advice of violence-prevention professionals compared to advice of James Dobson"
http://www.nospank.net/perlin2.htm


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

For everyone's benefit, here's the infamous quote to which I refer in my op:

Quote:

A pediatrician received a telephone call from the anxious mother of a 6mo. baby. "I think he has a fever," she said nervously. "Well," the doctor replied, "did you take his temp?" "No," she said. "He won't let me insert the thermometer."
Isn't it amazing that a child, who only a few months ago was helpless and dependent, is capable of *defying* the big adults who would try to *control* him? The truth is, we human beings are born with a rebellious nature. *Babies are not innately "good," as some believe.*
The parts of this quote I find particularly disturbing are in bold.


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

DH's family are all huge Dobson fans.









I got the FotF newsletter for awhile, and lost interest quickly. Not my style.

Listening to my MIL and SIL quoting from Dobson's books is a constant reminder of why a I stay away from "parenting" books in general. It's like they have no thoughts or ideals of their own; and they believe that children all all cut from the same cookie cutter and should all be dealt with in the exact same way....that "way" being the so-called "expert advice" of some parenting guru.









For crying out loud, I have four children and could write a different parenting book about each one!


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## mama2claire (Oct 31, 2003)

posted twice.


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## mama2claire (Oct 31, 2003)

Quote:

My mom is a practicing Catholic not sure if that is where this is stemming from? I'm so confused now!
Just to be clear, I'm fairly certain no Catholic church or parenting literature is advocating Dobson. In fact, the only Catholic parenting book I've ever read blasts Dobson. I've also NEVER seen a Dobson or Ezzo type class offered in any Catholic church in which I've been a member for 28 years. It's more than a little presumptious to associate Dobson & Catholicism.


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2claire*
I've also NEVER seen a Dobson or Ezzo type class offered in any Catholic church in which I've been a member for 28 years. It's more than a little presumptious to associate Dobson & Catholicism.

Maybe so, but my ILs are as Cathlolic as they come; and, as I mentioned previously, huge Dobson/Focus on the Family fans.

Also, my SIL's Catholic parish in MI hosted a "Growing Kids God's Way" (wow, is THAT a misnomer) seminar featuring Mr & Mrs Ezzo themselves as the keynote speakers. uke


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2claire*
Just to be clear, I'm fairly certain no Catholic church or parenting literature is advocating Dobson. In fact, the only Catholic parenting book I've ever read blasts Dobson. I've also NEVER seen a Dobson or Ezzo type class offered in any Catholic church in which I've been a member for 28 years. It's more than a little presumptious to associate Dobson & Catholicism.


I was just wondering if she liked him due to the Christian connection








I sent her that dog abuse link. I'm still peeved about this


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## wasabi (Oct 12, 2004)

I can't believe giving a 6 month old baby not wanting a thermometer put up their butt (and really who does?!) as an example of defiance. That is seriously warped!


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## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraeileen*
My issue with Dobson is that his whole, central premise is to break the child's will and make them submissive.

I think that kind of is the point. The more submissive people are, the less they think. The less they think, the more likely they are to listen to someone like him. Logical thinkers would NEVER read his book and say, "Hitting someone to teach them to stop hitting....now that is a theory that makes sense."

I would love to see their tax returns. I am sure they are raking it in at the expense of kids. Lovely.


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annab*
I would love to see their tax returns. I am sure they are raking it in at the expense of kids. Lovely.

Well, between the kid-breaking and the gay-bashing and the anti-spongebob rants...yeah. I'm sure they've got plenty on hand.

Disclaimer: I don't love Spongebob either, because uhh, well I just don't, perhaps because I'm not a 6 year old boy...but for gosh sakes, it's a cartoon character, not the gay scourge/scouring agent sent in to brainwash good little children into tolerance. Scaarry!


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## mama2claire (Oct 31, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rainbow Brite*
I was just wondering if she liked him due to the Christian connection








I sent her that dog abuse link. I'm still peeved about this









I know, I was just trying to make the distinction between Evangelical Protestant (Focus on the Family) vs. Catholic literature.

*skellbell* ~ Wow, I truly am shocked! I've been a member of 8 Churches in my life and not one has suggested anything like that. It's certainly not compatible with what Catholics are *supposed* to believe about the dignity of human life and the 'divinized nature' of humanity







I know this is a little off topic, but you should tell your ILs to read something like "Parenting with Grace", which actually _is_ about Catholic Parenting and VERY supportive of GD, BFing and other practices that all of us here would agree are in the best interests of the child.


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## cherity (Feb 26, 2002)

Lunadoula-

Based on Dobson's book 'Marriage Under Fire' those comments I made were to be reflective of his opinion, not mine personally.


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## loomweaver (Aug 17, 2004)

I cotinually see his books in used book stores and that's a bad sign for me. I very rarely am able to find a Sears book or LLL book....


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## bookwitch (Jun 30, 2005)

I work in a bookstore, and I have to tell you, James Dobson frightens the hell out of me (pun not intended).


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## bookwitch (Jun 30, 2005)

I also wanted to add:
I grew up with several children who were raised according to the "spare the rod/spoil the child" crock and I have to say,
The preachers' kids were always the worst behaved!


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2claire*
*skellbell* ~ Wow, I truly am shocked! I've been a member of 8 Churches in my life and not one has suggested anything like that. It's certainly not compatible with what Catholics are *supposed* to believe about the dignity of human life and the 'divinized nature' of humanity









Terrible what people choose to align themselves with, isn't it??? Just because somebody uses the word "God" in their parenting techniques does not make it Godly ... a point that is, I'm afraid, quite lost on my ILs.

Like sheep to the slaughter they are led...

It just breaks my heart when I see my SIL using what I damn well know are Ezzo-inspired techniques in parenting my sweet little niece. And my SIL is so NOT that ... but she believes it's "God's way", so she does it.









I'm not the perfect parent. I'm not even very GD most of the time.







: But at least I don't try to break my kids like they're animals, and then claim the right to do so in the name of my Lord.


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

I know many Christain families really respect Dobson, but I have to say, I grew up with a dad who took the Dobsonisms to the extreme. He belived in "breaking" the child, and boy did it work. We (my siblings and I) were the best behaved kids anyone ever met. We were TERRIFIED of my dad, the belt he used to beat us, and the fires of hell. And even though I can honestly say my dad never hit me with a spirit of anger, he would spank me so hard with the belt that I would have welts and bruises. And if I cried too hard, the spanking would last even longer. I can remember being a girl of eight, in the middle of a spanking for sprinkling baby powder all over the house because I thought it stunk, and I just wanted it to be over, so I held my breath to keep from crying. I ended up passing out.
My dad started "breaking" my brother when he was nine months old. My brother is a very nervous, spychologically damaged adult who rebeled hard at 18 years of age, had turned to many types of drugs to cope, and has been in and out of jail. Was it really worth it to have a perfectly well-behaved child?
When my dad's kids became too old to beat into submission, he went to work on "breaking" the cats.
My dad honestly thought he was doing the right thing, the Godly thing, because he respected Dobson, who used God's name. Dangerous if you ask me.
The end result: Therapy has helped me some. Educating myself has helped tremendously. My siblings and I have no positive relationship with our father as adults.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I will never ever be able to get my head around someone who says that "babies are not born innately good".


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## sadie_sabot (Dec 17, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annab*
I think that kind of is the point. The more submissive people are, the less they think. The less they think, the more likely they are to listen to someone like him. Logical thinkers would NEVER read his book and say, "Hitting someone to teach them to stop hitting....now that is a theory that makes sense."

Just slightly off topic, but Dobson is influential in the current administration in this country. there's something scary to think about.


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

Daffodil, that's the one of the saddest things I've read in a long time.







I'm so sorry you and your siblings had such a horrific childhood. I feel such sadness for you.


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## mandib50 (Oct 26, 2004)

i just don't get his views on spanking (can't stomach browsing through the site after the little i did read). they're not even rational or logical. i mean hugging your child after you've just hit them







? yeah, that makes a lot of sense







!

mandi


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## kayjayjay (Jul 15, 2003)

My parents raised us according to Dobson's ideas. I remember seeing that book "Dare to Discipline" on our bookshelf growing up. Just the sound of his name makes me cringe. Wow, I hate it when bad memories like that come welling up.

I've told my mother in no uncertain terms that I will not read anything written by him, so don't even try to recommend his books (she did try when our first DD was born).

Once in a while when one of my kids does something "bad" my mom will say "Can you believe some people think kids/people are born basically good?"







: Now I know where that comment keeps coming from.


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