# I need/want him to nap in the crib



## myrmom (Aug 19, 2004)

Yes I want him to nap in the crib(gasp) but the truth is I need it it!! My ds1 needs it desperately and I do too.

Here is our situation...ds2 is 8 months old and will only nap on me, dh or in a wrap/mei tai. For many situations this is ok but during the day when I am home alone with the kids I need him to nap in the crib. ds1 is desperatly looking for some one on one time with mama, he is 29 months and I think he is feeling really left out. His language is delayed but his physical signs are telling me that he needs me to play and be with him without the baby around. When I put the baby in a carrier to sleep ds1 gets mad and hits at the baby. I have been trying to get ds2 into the crib for months and he wont sleep in there for naps for more then 20 min...some times at night he will go 45min to 1.5 hours....

Help me figure out a way to get ds into the crib to nap...(our bed isn't any better as he wakes as soon as I leave him alone..


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## jenjenfirenjen (Jan 9, 2005)

Bump!

I have the same problem. Hoping someone has some advice. I am not getting a break from the baby at all unless he sleeps in the car.


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## brackin (Sep 19, 2005)

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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

I started most naps in a moses basket with #3 because of this. Boy #2 is very sensitive and needs me a lot, and it's worked out very well. When #3 grew too big for the basket we put a port-a-crib in the playroom for his naps. Now as he's becoming more distractable he's started napping in a cradle in our bedroom upstairs. I definitely feel my older boys need my 100% attention for at least one of the baby's naps each day. I would personally keep at it, nurse him back to sleep if you need to, have him nap in the room you are playing with your older son in if he'll do it, or maybe schedule his naps around outings if he falls asleep in the car or a stroller, etc. I wish you luck!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Have you tried the back carry for napping? I've never been able to get any of mine to sleep solo before *they* were ready. Honestly, I don't know of any way of getting a baby to sleep by himself if he's not temperamentally predisposed to doing so. I used to sling my youngest and then lie (lay?) her down on the bed while still in the sling and lean over w/her still inside the fabric for about ten (seemingly eternal







) minutes then slid the sling off me and that sometimes worked









Maybe others will have ideas...Sorry


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

I never had a crib, but I was able to get the babes to sleep a little by nursing them down while keeping a pillow warm near me. Then I would roll as quietly as possible and put the pillow where my body was (kind of under his armpit or at his waist, depending).

I am still doing this, as I babysit my sister's breastfed toddler two days aweek while she works. He does not take a bottle at all and I have been doing it this way for a year . No way, no how, could I nurse him to sleep, but he needs to sleep or he's a sad little dude.

I lie down with him for the 30 minutes it takes for him to fall into a sleep deep enough for me to move and gently put the pillow against him. (Breastfeeding is so much quicker!!) until he's asleep. I get about an hour to read to my hsers this way. 30 minutes in, 60 minutes out. Sometimes a bit more than 60 mins. I have also had good luck on mild weather days walking him to sleep in the stroller (he weighs 35 lbs, so I can't carry him comfortably as long as it would take to get him to doze off well).

I have no idea how one would get a baby to fall alseep in a crib.


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

I have no idea how one would get a baby to fall alseep in a crib
UUMom, me either--I wouldn't even know where to start







I'd keep picking him up, which I'm sure would defeat the entire process?

Anyway, I was thinking about this thread earlier, and I wonder if the No-Cry stuff might work for napping (though I still don't know about solitary sleep)? I read the book about four years ago for a project, and I remember thinking, hmmm, that's interesting and probably helpful to a lot of AP parents. There are tons of threads on the topic in here


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Can you nurse him to sleep lying down on your bed and then sneak off? That's what worked for me. Transferring to the crib was guaranteed to end in disaster (i.e. a woken-up baby), but if I nursed him to sleep on the bed he was already lying down and there was no need to move him.


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## mimiharshe (Oct 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia* 
Have you tried the back carry for napping? I've never been able to get any of mine to sleep solo before *they* were ready. Honestly, I don't know of any way of getting a baby to sleep by himself if he's not temperamentally predisposed to doing so. I used to sling my youngest and then lie (lay?) her down on the bed while still in the sling and lean over w/her still inside the fabric for about ten (seemingly eternal







) minutes then slid the sling off me and that sometimes worked









Maybe others will have ideas...Sorry









This was my advice too...you guys will figure it out.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia* 
I've never been able to get any of mine to sleep solo before *they* were ready.

Me neither.









We got really good at doing everything (shopping, dishes, laundry, exercise, sightseeing) while doing a back carry. Back carries for naps saved us! And they're perfect for when you have to chase after an older child.


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## judejude (Jul 15, 2005)

Well, I only have one dc and I never had a crib, but I do know all about her not sleeping alone for naps. I had to carry her in a sling constantly or sometimes I would lay down on the couch and watch TV but she had to be on top of me or laying in my arms to sleep at all. It is very tiring I know.
I'm guessing that trying to get them to nap alone, before they're ready could be very exhausting and I'm not so sure it would work.

I also understand that your other dc needs you. My first though was something that was already mentioned - I would try and stay near, or even on the bed while tha baby sleeps but still spend time with your other dc. You could play quiet games on the bed, or read books or snuggle all by yourselves, while the baby sleeps on the bed beside you. Although it isn't ideal, maybe it would help and work for a while, or to a degree?


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## jenjenfirenjen (Jan 9, 2005)

Not the OP but dealing with the same problem. I've been looking for a solution to this for a long time and I'm thinking they're just isn't one (I'm sure someone would have discovered it by now.)

I used to be able to lay down with my baby and get him to sleep and then sneak out but it takes too long and I can't leave my toddler alone for that long (nor can he be quiet enough to stay in the room with us.) Likewise, hanging out in the room that the baby is sleeping in is sure to wake him up. Right now I either try to schedule a car trip during the baby's morning nap or I carry him in a back carry. But even that doesn't work very well anymore. He's just getting older and more aware and if I stop moving or talk too much, he wakes up. We walked to the park this morning and he only slept for about 20 minutes, waking up when I stopped to push my older one on the swing.

I feel bad because I was such a slave to DS1's nap schedule and always made sure he was well rested. DS2 just doesn't get that luxury. Luckily, he's a happy guy and doesn't get too fussy regardless of how much (or little) sleep he gets.


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## myrmom (Aug 19, 2004)

Thanks for all the suggestions....sometimes if i'm lucky I can lay him down on the couch....and then play with ds1...back carry doesn't work well he wont fall asleep in it for some reason on front carry...maybe if I keep trying and he is tired enough he will.

as much as I would love to lay down with him and then leave...ds1 is very spirited and high needs so I can't leave him alone in the room for very long alone...certainly not long enough to nurse ds2 to sleep and sneak away....

I guess we will just keep trying...lol....i'm sure he will be sleeping on his own before ds1 is in school and I can have that time with him...lol


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## alfabetsoup (Jun 13, 2005)

What worked for us was a sheepskin rug--you can get them specially for cribs. It's lovely and soft and warm. DH, DD (8 mos) & I slept together with it for about a week and then I moved it to her cot. Now I lie down and nurse her to sleep and then move her quickly to the cot. Even when she wakes up on the way, she goes right back to sleep as soon as she's down, she just rubs her cheek on the rug and drops back off (most of the time anyway!)

She still sleeps with us for most of the night but naptimes are much better now.

Hope that helps!


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

I started getting ds used to a bit of transfering at about 6 months. I would nurse him to sleep, then 5 mins (or 10 or 15) later I would place him beside me on the couch, still right next to me...its like I was slowly weaning him from needing to sleep ON me. If he woke, I would nurse again and repeat.
I then started transfering him to this little mattress we have in the livingroom...the 'napping bed'...actually its a dog bed







but we've only used it for ds







So he could hear me buzzing around doing things and would sleep a lot longer...then when he'd wake he would roll off the little bed and come find me...in the kitchen or where ever.
Plus the backcarry in the Ergo really works for us, especially if we are out.

Dawn


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## Barb36 (Mar 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alfabetsoup* 
What worked for us was a sheepskin rug--you can get them specially for cribs. It's lovely and soft and warm. DH, DD (8 mos) & I slept together with it for about a week and then I moved it to her cot. Now I lie down and nurse her to sleep and then move her quickly to the cot. Even when she wakes up on the way, she goes right back to sleep as soon as she's down, she just rubs her cheek on the rug and drops back off (most of the time anyway!)

She still sleeps with us for most of the night but naptimes are much better now.

Hope that helps!

Where do you get the sheepskin rug specifically for cribs? This sounds like a good thing to try!


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## Mikani (Aug 3, 2006)

I might get flamed for this, but so be it. I was in a similar situation in terms of need (I *must* work to support our family, and the only daycare we can afford has a 4 to 1 infant to amazing, wonderful caregiver ratio). My nine month old needed to learn to sleep in a crib. That's just the way it was.

I tortured myself about it. I cried for days. I convinced myself that I was the worst person on earth. And then I realized that what I needed to do was find a solution. for all of us.

I went with Jay Gordon's plan, even though he very explicitly does not recommend it for babies under a year old. But the way I see it, it was a matter of survival. We were going to be kicked out of daycare because instead of sleeping, she was standing in her crib screaming, and none of the other infants could sleep. We can't afford a nanny, and I can't quit my job. I'm not willing to lose my house so that my daughter never fusses. Yeah, she fussed. But I always picked her up when the fussing turned into crying, and I never left her alone.

We co-sleep at night and use the crib (in our room) for naps on the weekends now. Here's how we do the crib naps: I nurse her in the glider until she is sleepy and calm (but still awake). I sing her a song that she associates with going down for a nap. When she's hit that sweet spot, I stand up, still singing the song, and take her to her crib. I put her in on her tummy (she's recently started sleeping much better on her tummy, and will roll there if I put her on her back), and cover her with her blankets, still singing. For the first three naps, she was upset at this change in routine. Every time she started to push up from her tummy, I would gently move her amrs and lay her back down, rubbing her back, singing... Eventually she understood that the crib was for lying down. After a few naps like this, I could put her down and just rub her back. And then I could put her down, pat her and move a few steps away. Slowly, step by step. And she was never abandoned.

Everyone needs to do what works for them. Best of luck to all of you!


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mikani* 
I might get flamed for this, but so be it. I was in a similar situation in terms of need (I *must* work to support our family, and the only daycare we can afford has a 4 to 1 infant to amazing, wonderful caregiver ratio). My nine month old needed to learn to sleep in a crib. That's just the way it was.

I tortured myself about it. I cried for days. I convinced myself that I was the worst person on earth. And then I realized that what I needed to do was find a solution. for all of us.

I went with Jay Gordon's plan, even though he very explicitly does not recommend it for babies under a year old. But the way I see it, it was a matter of survival. We were going to be kicked out of daycare because instead of sleeping, she was standing in her crib screaming, and none of the other infants could sleep. We can't afford a nanny, and I can't quit my job. I'm not willing to lose my house so that my daughter never fusses. Yeah, she fussed. But I always picked her up when the fussing turned into crying, and I never left her alone.

We co-sleep at night and use the crib (in our room) for naps on the weekends now. Here's how we do the crib naps: I nurse her in the glider until she is sleepy and calm (but still awake). I sing her a song that she associates with going down for a nap. When she's hit that sweet spot, I stand up, still singing the song, and take her to her crib. I put her in on her tummy (she's recently started sleeping much better on her tummy, and will roll there if I put her on her back), and cover her with her blankets, still singing. For the first three naps, she was upset at this change in routine. Every time she started to push up from her tummy, I would gently move her amrs and lay her back down, rubbing her back, singing... Eventually she understood that the crib was for lying down. After a few naps like this, I could put her down and just rub her back. And then I could put her down, pat her and move a few steps away. Slowly, step by step. And she was never abandoned.

Everyone needs to do what works for them. Best of luck to all of you!

Wow, if it was a matter of 3 5 second fussing sessions and then off to sleep even I'd be ok with it. I do find that usually baby is NOT so agreeing to this sort of thing....like it's really not just a couple times baby is like "a-huh, a-hugh", and then snoooooze. Maybe you do what you need, but a fussing/crying baby is not an option to a lot of people.

DD is an even worse sleeper than DS although I never thought that was possible! I do carry her for some naps. I'm positive about it and don't care anymore when/how long she naps. DS is good about it, because *I* an good about it.

I hear so much talk about the older kid can't stand the younger kid not napping and such. I think it's mindset for mama too. yeah we have days that DD2 doesn't nap enough and she's cranky. But I stay super up-beat about it and pretty much carry on with life as though she is happy. I put her in a fleece sling, and take them out to play. DS doesn't even notice the fussing she does because she's tired, because *I* don't get upset about it

I think the biggest problem anyone could have with a baby is caring when they sleep!!

2. things to get over to make for a happy/peaceful household

1. stop caring when baby eats
2. stop caring when baby sleeps!!


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## Barb36 (Mar 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mikani* 
I might get flamed for this, but so be it. I was in a similar situation in terms of need (I *must* work to support our family, and the only daycare we can afford has a 4 to 1 infant to amazing, wonderful caregiver ratio). My nine month old needed to learn to sleep in a crib. That's just the way it was.

I tortured myself about it. I cried for days. I convinced myself that I was the worst person on earth. And then I realized that what I needed to do was find a solution. for all of us.

I went with Jay Gordon's plan, even though he very explicitly does not recommend it for babies under a year old. But the way I see it, it was a matter of survival. We were going to be kicked out of daycare because instead of sleeping, she was standing in her crib screaming, and none of the other infants could sleep. We can't afford a nanny, and I can't quit my job. I'm not willing to lose my house so that my daughter never fusses. Yeah, she fussed. But I always picked her up when the fussing turned into crying, and I never left her alone.

We co-sleep at night and use the crib (in our room) for naps on the weekends now. Here's how we do the crib naps: I nurse her in the glider until she is sleepy and calm (but still awake). I sing her a song that she associates with going down for a nap. When she's hit that sweet spot, I stand up, still singing the song, and take her to her crib. I put her in on her tummy (she's recently started sleeping much better on her tummy, and will roll there if I put her on her back), and cover her with her blankets, still singing. For the first three naps, she was upset at this change in routine. Every time she started to push up from her tummy, I would gently move her amrs and lay her back down, rubbing her back, singing... Eventually she understood that the crib was for lying down. After a few naps like this, I could put her down and just rub her back. And then I could put her down, pat her and move a few steps away. Slowly, step by step. And she was never abandoned.

Everyone needs to do what works for them. Best of luck to all of you!

Thanks so much for sharing your story...gives me hope!! I agree with you entirely that we all do what we have to in order to survive. When one has to work and has other outside factors, it certainly changes things. I very much applaud you for doing what you needed to do and doing it in a way that you felt good about. What a wonderful mama.

I am in that phase of toughing it through...naps suck. Sometimes they are better than others. If I didn't have an older child to take care of I wouldn't worry about it at all...but my DS#1's needs are just as important as anyone else's in the family...I tend to be a very "family centered" person. So if he is losing out as a result of a miserable, tired baby who won't nap then I feel I have to start exploring other ways to help baby sleep.

Right now, I'm shooting for going getting to 1 year before intervening too much but at times I'm tempting to start earlier. For now, we're muddling along trying to take it as it comes.

If I had to work and had the constraints that you do, I would have done the exact same thing. We don't all have the luxury to go with the flow.


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## Barb36 (Mar 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *425lisamarie* 
I hear so much talk about the older kid can't stand the younger kid not napping and such. I think it's mindset for mama too. yeah we have days that DD2 doesn't nap enough and she's cranky. But I stay super up-beat about it and pretty much carry on with life as though she is happy. I put her in a fleece sling, and take them out to play. DS doesn't even notice the fussing she does because she's tired, because *I* don't get upset about it

I think the biggest problem anyone could have with a baby is caring when they sleep!!

2. things to get over to make for a happy/peaceful household

1. stop caring when baby eats
2. stop caring when baby sleeps!!

I tend to think it's more about a mama's temperment and personality rather than an attitude that she chooses to take. Attitude plays a role, for sure, but I wouldn't discount the fact that some people can't just make that choice so easily...just doesn't fit who they are. Some people are able to let go and go with the flow more easily. Others struggle very much with that. I think if we could all follow your two pieces of advice, we'd be very happy. But it's not that easy for some.


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## Mom2MJLR (Jan 15, 2007)

I haven't read all the responses, so I may be repeating, but I had the same problem with our baby for a while. Every time I would lay him in the crib, he would wake up instantly. Then I would have to spend another hour settling him again.

Now as soon as I get him to sleep on me, I can lay him in the crib and he naps a long while. For me, the key was comfort! I placed a pillow in his crib, and toss a blankie in the dryer to warm it. I lay the warm blanket in the crib (spread over the pillow too), then lay sleeping baby propped a little on pillow on his back or side. He's usually already wrapped in a blanket that I was holding him in, so he stays cozy.

That said, we have a crib set up in our living room, so I am always in the room with him while he naps during the day. It wouldn't be safe to put a pillow and blanket in there and leave him alone where you couldn't constantly keep an eye on him.

I think what wakes the baby is when you move him from your warm soft body to a cool flat crib.

Good luck


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mikani* 
Every time she started to push up from her tummy, I would gently move her amrs and lay her back down, rubbing her back, singing... Eventually she understood that the crib was for lying down.

I've been trying this for, oh, I don't know.. 2 months now. I nurse her down and try to roll her over, and when she pushes up I try rubbing her back. She ends up screaming, so I would have to nurse her down again. In the beginning it probably took about 10 tries to finally get her to stay asleep. Now we're down to a 50% success rate (in other words, it works about half the time).

She is the type that will she would scream and scream and scream, and become down right hysterical if I _just_ rubbed her back. Over time she is becoming better and better about staying asleep, but I have to agree that if they aren't ready, then this won't work.


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## Mikani (Aug 3, 2006)

Quote:

I've been trying this for, oh, I don't know.. 2 months now. I nurse her down and try to roll her over, and when she pushes up I try rubbing her back.
I'm so sorry. That sounds really hard. I'm certainly no sage, and even though I wish I had some advice, I don't. Anyone else?


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## ladylove (Mar 6, 2006)

I don't post often, but the thread reminded me of something I read in the book The Baby Whisperer (when I was pregnant I read the full spectrum of baby books before settling on the Sears books as the route I wanted to go...anyway).

She recommends actually getting in the crib with the baby to help them get used to sleeping in it when a baby is recovering from CIO (or in your case, just hates being in it). Check the weight limits for your crib before doing this, of course. I think most top off around 150 lb. Once your baby is calm or asleep, you can get out of the crib. Maybe you could take the side rail off for awhile if you want to try this?


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## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

I haven't read through the whole thread, but have/can you try an amby baby hammock. My son would only sleep in arms/sling until I found a trick...if i put him in the amby baby hammock and put my hand on his chest and rocked him, he would fall asleep and i could sneak my hand out...


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## sleepnrain (May 20, 2006)

Try a bouncy seat.

A friend's family used to place their babies in bouncy seats once they had fallen asleep in arms (nursing or just being rocked). They sometimes woke up once they were put in the seat, but the mom would just stand over the seat and nurse for a minute or the dad would give baby a paci or a finger to suck on. As soon as the fast, awake sucking stopped, the breast/finger/paci would be pulled from the baby's mouth, and the motion from the bouncy seat would keep the baby sleeping.

They'd place it somewhere on the same floor where they were but not in the same room, and cover baby with a blanket. Their kids slept like this for naps until at least 18 months if not longer!


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## eli janine (Jun 29, 2006)

I could never get DS1 to sleep in a crib...he was a hysterical crycrycry baby, and nothing worked until he was 15months and we turned his crib into a toddler bed. After that, he loved it and slept for all his naps there. We, too, did the nurse down on the bed and sneak away thing. The trouble was, often I'd fall asleep too, and that doesn't work now that we have two!

That said, I second the bouncy seat or swing route if that works. Also, if your baby will sleep in the car, sometimes I had luck with DS1 by putting him in his bucket seat and just carrying it around the house for a bit so that he would think we were in motion. Then I'd set it down once he got into the limp limb stage. When he started to wake up, I'd pick up the bucket and do a once around the house again. Noise really didn't seem to be an issue, so although we had no toddlers playing at that time, I still could do things that were normal noise level without waking him. Also, when we were making the transition to DS sleeping alone in the toddler bed, I put a waterfall thing in our room next to the bed, and he liked the white noise.

We'll see how DS2 goes--he's only seven weeks now so is not napping on any kind of schedule, just in my arms or wherever. He likes reclining against my Boppy pillow much better than lying down flat, though.

Good luck to everyone! They do eventually sleep okay!


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## Barb36 (Mar 19, 2006)

You're so right, Elissa...they do sleep eventually! I try to remind myself of this when I'm having to lie down with my 9 month old for an hour while he sleeps attached to my breast. I know that in a short time this will be a thing of the past...so when I can muster the perspective, I try to enjoy it!


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## Ary99 (Jan 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mikani* 
I might get flamed for this, but so be it. I was in a similar situation in terms of need (I *must* work to support our family, and the only daycare we can afford has a 4 to 1 infant to amazing, wonderful caregiver ratio). My nine month old needed to learn to sleep in a crib. That's just the way it was.

I tortured myself about it. I cried for days. I convinced myself that I was the worst person on earth. And then I realized that what I needed to do was find a solution. for all of us.

I went with Jay Gordon's plan, even though he very explicitly does not recommend it for babies under a year old. But the way I see it, it was a matter of survival. We were going to be kicked out of daycare because instead of sleeping, she was standing in her crib screaming, and none of the other infants could sleep. We can't afford a nanny, and I can't quit my job. I'm not willing to lose my house so that my daughter never fusses. Yeah, she fussed. But I always picked her up when the fussing turned into crying, and I never left her alone.

We co-sleep at night and use the crib (in our room) for naps on the weekends now. Here's how we do the crib naps: I nurse her in the glider until she is sleepy and calm (but still awake). I sing her a song that she associates with going down for a nap. When she's hit that sweet spot, I stand up, still singing the song, and take her to her crib. I put her in on her tummy (she's recently started sleeping much better on her tummy, and will roll there if I put her on her back), and cover her with her blankets, still singing. For the first three naps, she was upset at this change in routine. Every time she started to push up from her tummy, I would gently move her amrs and lay her back down, rubbing her back, singing... Eventually she understood that the crib was for lying down. After a few naps like this, I could put her down and just rub her back. And then I could put her down, pat her and move a few steps away. Slowly, step by step. And she was never abandoned.

Everyone needs to do what works for them. Best of luck to all of you!


You know, I am in the process of introducing the crib for naps to my baby, and worked myself up into a total GI episode worrying about it, but I have to say, he was more agreeable to it than I thought after some persistence. Did he like the change at first? No, and neither did I, BUT I was able to lovingly calm him by staying there next to him and he responded to my hands, my pats, my voice. If he did not calm, I got him out, re-nursed him and started over, but still went back to the crib.

My husband has been traveling, we only have my aging father here in town (who needs my help), a 4 year old, pets and all those other responsibilities. I needed him to get some good sleep so I could spend some time with my older child and get stuff done around the house. I had tried doing book time and quiet activities with my older child, but the baby always woke up and I found myself getting frustrated with both of them.

He's been asleep for about 2 1/2 hours now.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

I just want to be clear...

Is MDC now advocating 'moderate' CIO, and the mainstrem message of the need for cribs and the separation of babies from humans during sleep time?

This whole thread appears to be going in that direction.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barb36* 
You're so right, Elissa...they do sleep eventually! I try to remind myself of this when I'm having to lie down with my 9 month old for an hour while he sleeps attached to my breast. I know that in a short time this will be a thing of the past...so when I can muster the perspective, I try to enjoy it!


Thank you.


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## Mikani (Aug 3, 2006)

I think "CIO" gets tossed around a lot here as an accusation. Maybe we can all agree that we each do everything we can to be gentle to our babies, but we should remember to be gentle to each other, too.

For a lot of moms, this is the only AP-oriented community they have available, and when they need help and support (and yes, maybe some new infromation or perspectives), they should be able to come here and get it.

Accusations and labels get us nowhere.


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

From this Mothering Magazine article:

Quote:

Biologic Model versus Cultural Message

Nighttime solitary infant sleep is not practiced in traditional societies, and even during daylight hours it is the exception. Babies are kept near their mothers. Shared nighttime sleep may take the form of bedsharing (actually sharing the same sleep surface) or cosleeping (when the baby is within arms reach of its mother, but not on the same sleep surface).

According to Katherine Dettwyler, adjunct professor of anthropology at Texas A&M University, Many people in the United States assume that non-Western cultures cosleep or bedshare because limited resources prevent them from creating separate sleep areas for their children. This is simply not true. Mothers in non-Western cultures traditionally sleep with their children to monitor them and keep them safe, to facilitate breastfeeding, and simply to be near them.1 If shared sleep is the behavioral template from earliest human history, why, of late, are some voices seeking to erode its legitimacy?

The American cultural values of independence and control explain a great deal of the societal encouragement of parent-infant separation and the priority placed on parental convenience. (Think of the many products designed to spell parents from their children during daylight hours, such as the swing, infant seat, playpen, jumper, activity center, and walker.) Since bedsharing literally embodies maternal-infant interaction in order to meet a child's nighttime needs, it may appear both out of sync and just plain unattractive.
And this advice/information written by Mothering contributor, Sarah Buckley, might be helpful (it's the question that begins with *"My 7month old son has slept in our bed"* Very sensitive response, IMO









Brief blurb here:

Quote:

Secondly, babies have their own personalities and some babies are more flexible than others, in terms of their biological needs. Many babies of your son's age would tolerate separation during daytime sleep (and some will beexpecting this, if they sleep separately at night), and there are of course many 'methods' (eg controlled crying) designed to stretch our baby's biological capacities so that they conform to our social expectations, eg of sleeping alone through the night. Some babies who have less flexibility may be labelled difficult or high needs, but their protests are, I believe, actually a very healthy expression of their biological needs. Note that our babies' ability to adapt to cultural norms does not mean that there is no harm from these practices. On the contrary, I believe that when we stretch our babies' biological needs too far in our quest for'independence' in our babies, we can interfere with the development of trust, which is a baby's first developmental task.
HTH


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## Mikani (Aug 3, 2006)

Thank you for posting that, georgia! Very balanced and sensitive.


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## Jenlaana (Oct 28, 2005)

I think that patience vs CIO wins out every time. As someone else said, sooner or later they will sleep, and sooner or later they can adjust to a crib without CIO. That being said it really drives me nuts when someone says something that worked for them and people question "mdc's stance on CIO changing" because nobody came in and laid the axe down on someone's tale of what worked for them. (and no, I dont CIO, used a crib at most 6 times when my daughter was first born (she's 15 mos, breastfeed, have a well worn in/out mei tei and am very pro-AP)

Disclaimer stated... now on to the actual topic









Have you tried BF to sleep with a blanket between you and babe? If I am having trouble putting my daughter down somewhere, be it bed, couch, carpet, whatever, I put a blanket between us (solid but not smothering) between us (maybe that rug thing would work. That way when I have to move her to a new spot, it doesnt feel so foreign, because she's already on her surface before I move her.

I hope that helps! And have faith momma! Do what you feel is right for you and your babe. If you listen, I think your heart will guide you in the right direction, more than any of us possibly could. Come for ideas and support, but in the end, you will know better than anyone else what is right for you and your babe.


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## Ary99 (Jan 1, 2002)

If the baby isn't crying, it isn't CIO.


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## Ary99 (Jan 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jenlaana* 
Have you tried BF to sleep with a blanket between you and babe? If I am having trouble putting my daughter down somewhere, be it bed, couch, carpet, whatever, I put a blanket between us (solid but not smothering) between us (maybe that rug thing would work. That way when I have to move her to a new spot, it doesnt feel so foreign, because she's already on her surface before I move her.

.

I think this is a great idea as well!


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jenlaana* 
I think that patience vs CIO wins out every time. As someone else said, sooner or later they will sleep, and sooner or later they can adjust to a crib without CIO. That being said it really drives me nuts when someone says something that worked for them and people question "mdc's stance on CIO changing" because nobody came in and laid the axe down on someone's tale of what worked for them.

direction, more than any of us possibly could. Come for ideas and support, but in the end, you will know better than anyone else what is right for you and your babe.


By MDC allowing this conversation, with support for CIO is supporting CIO. They do not allow pro circ threads, but a CIO thread is fine?

That's not the MDC I know.

No CIO. It's not healthy for a baby, no matter what the parents 'need'.

The need of the baby should come first. Always. I think we can be a bit more creative that teaching a baby to sleep alone in a crib (since when is that a good idea here?). Sleeping through the night is not even healthy for an infant. (Yes, some infants do sleep naturally through the night).

If that makes me a hard ass on this, so be it. CIO harms babies.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mikani* 
I think "CIO" gets tossed around a lot here as an accusation. Maybe we can all agree that we each do everything we can to be gentle to our babies, but we should remember to be gentle to each other, too.

For a lot of moms, this is the only AP-oriented community they have available, and when they need help and support (and yes, maybe some new infromation or perspectives), they should be able to come here and get it.

Accusations and labels get us nowhere.

There are no accusations here of anything.

CIO is not gentle parenting, it's not respectful parenting. You can twist it any way you want, but CIO is not healthy for babies.

I can't bear to read on MDC "Whatever works for you family". That is the biggest cop out there is.

If people want creative ways to help a baby relax, help the needs of other family members be met, great. But to suggest getting a baby to sleep alone all night long in a crib, and using 'modified' CIO or any sort of CIO is appropriate? Maybe if this was Parent magazine...but this is Mothering.


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