# Visiting friends for the weekend who eat very unhealthy



## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

Please don't think i am a judgemental snob! We are not perfect. We eat junk. even fast food on occasion







I am NOT the parent who doesn't let her child have sweets, white bread on occasion, stuff at bbqs, picnics, etc. We do the best we can but I am not super strict.

But I have some things that are off limits. And we are visiting friends we don't see but once a year this coming weekend. And they eat on a regular basis ALL of my forbidden foods! I really get anxiety about this, as i don't want my kids to eat the stuff, but also don't want to be offensive. I usually do bring some snacks and fruit for the road, and then give them some if theres any left over, and this hasn't been a problem in the past...but I am just so torn. i usually sit there and chant in my head: "this one time won't kill them" over and over, lol. What would you do?

These are the foods I am speaking of:

Very low quality hot dogs (EVERY day for lunch)
Jiffy pop (12 grams of trans fat per CUP)
Fizzy drinks (like alka seltzer, but turns into a neon sugary nastiness with about 6 different dyes, chemicals, and no recognizeable ingredients)
Pancakes with trans fat margarine and sugar free (aspartame) syrup

Should I just let it go?


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

I'd let it go. It's one weekend out of your family's whole lives.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

It's one weekend







Everyone will survive. Suggest going out to eat....or your family will take a turn to make a meal for everyone.


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## Areia (Mar 5, 2009)

I'd let it go too, but it if really bothers you tell them that in return for hosting your family, you'd love to cook a couple of meals during the visit. Then bring or buy your own healthy ingredients. They'd probably appreciate the effort and you'll know your kids had at least a few healthy meals that weekend.


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Ditto everyone else, unless you have allergies and can justify intervening.

Except the syrup. YIK. I would (and have) bring a jug of real maple syrup as a house gift. I've even called myself a syrup snob when I've prsented it/used it. You could even bring a whole pancake breakfast as a hostess gift - include a buckwheat pancake mix, TF sausage, maybe bring along your waffle iron and offer to make them with the children. (I've done this, too, as I am a pancake snob, goes with the syrup, I guess!)

If breakfast isn't your thing, you might do this with another meal. I've brought along the ingredients for Moosewood Chili (Red, Black, Green and Gold, if you want to google the recipe) and offered to assemble it for Friday night's dinner. This assures me at least one good meal, and if I make a large enough batch, there will be leftovers for Saturday lunch (for at least myself and, in this case, a child or 2 of mine!).

ETA - Areia - you beat me to the post. You posted while I was prattling on about syrup.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Let it go. The one thing I might do is bring sandwich stuff for lunches but my kids absolutely hate hot dogs.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amila* 
Jiffy pop (12 grams of trans fat per CUP)
Pancakes with ... sugar free (aspartame) syrup

The juxtaposition of those two things just cracks me up.









That food does sound gross, but I agree to let it go. It sounds like that's what you've done in the past, right? Maybe stop at a roadside fruit stand and stock up, then rave about the great deals and how yummy everything looked so you bought enough for everyone for the weekend. My mom always does that when she visits me, and I never think anything of it (and we keep lots of healthy food in the house, so I know she's not trying to send me a message







).


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Is it possible that this is their go-to convenience food since they're about to have house guests? I know when we have people over, my husband always argues for easy, heat and eat type snacks and food and I have to talk him down. Perhaps if you said ahead of time, hey, I'd like to trade off meals with you, how about I do one b'fast, one lunch, one dinner and bring some snacks?

Otherwise, I'd let it go and keep chanting, it's just a weekend, it's just a weekend.


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

I'd let it go. It's one weekend, and not worth the hurt feelings. If it were me, I'd probably ask for something else for the kids to drink, like water, but that's about it.

What is Jiffy pop?


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

I would personally have a really hard time letting it go. So don't feel bad if you do too.

How many meals are we talking about? If it was just a couple, maybe I could let it slide and talk myself down in my head







, but if we're talking about a FULL weekend of meals, I would definitely bring some food along and just present it as this is what my kids like and such.


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## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

Well, I wouldn't be able to let it go, especially the hot dogs. I would call them ahead of time and say that some of the foods they eat you and your kids don't eat/like and ask if they have any alternatives, or if you could buy some groceries once you get there and ask to store them in the fridge. I know its only a weekend, but it could make your kids sick if they don't have this type of food, I know it would make me sick with my sensative stomach and being sensative to artificial foods.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

I'd pretty much let it go, but I would also offer to cook some meals while you are there. We're going out of town with my in-laws for a week. MIL asked what my kids would eat and we told her, but then she mentioned getting hot dogs to be cut in the mac & cheese (boxed.) Now I don't mind hot dogs or boxed mac & cheese, but I did let her know that those things weren't necessary for the kids. She's cooking dinner 3 times and I'll cook it 3 times. Lunch will probably be mac & cheese or sandwhiches. And I'm okay with them eating crap (well crapier things than I already buy since I am far from perfect in the food department) for a week.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

What is Jiffy pop?
It's popcorn you pop on the stove top. I had no idea they even still made it. When we were kids, it was a huge treat because it pops up into a big tin foil ball. Sort of.


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## betsyj (Jan 8, 2009)

I am not a food snob either but I could not let the fake syrup (I am from Vermont-no way we have that stuff), and Jiffy pop go. Everything else I would not sweat.

I would bring real syrup and offer to cook breakfast like Areia suggested. Also, instead of Jiffy Pop maybe you could make kettle corn to bring along instead?


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

I didn't know that there were any hotdogs that were actually good









The syrup thing would drive me crazy and I would definitely bring my own of that but I am a self confessed syrup snob. I didn't know Jiffy Pop was so full of fat, I used to love that as a treat when I was a kid.

I'd say bring what you want your kids to eat and just say they are particular about snacks etc..Whats the harm in that?


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## gillibean (Nov 28, 2006)

I'd probably let it go since it's just the weekend. I'd definitely insist on cooking a couple of the meals as a kind gesture for them hosting you. They may be relieved.


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## janey99 (Dec 15, 2008)

Does a cup of popped Jiffy Pop even weigh 12 grams? How could it have 12 grams of fat in it?!

Jane


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

When we visit friends, we always offer to cook a meal or two and to take them out for dinner as a thank you for their hospitality. Bring along your favourite granola and tell them that they just HAVE to try it, lol! Bringing a big fruit basket from the market sounds like a great idea. The farmer's markets are amazing this time of year.

You may still have to endure some unhealthy meals, but at least they won't all be like that.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

I don't remember buy i know the last time I looked at nutrition facts for it I was horrified. Here are the ingredients:

Popcorn, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, less than 2% of: salt, hydrogenated cottonseed oil, natural flavor, color added, freshness preserved with TBHQ, methyl silicone.

I have too much time on my hands!


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## crunchymamatobe (Jul 8, 2004)

Agreed that offering to cook a meal or take everyone out as a treat/thank-you is a good idea.

Otherwise, one weekend isn't going to kill anyone.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ASusan* 
Ditto everyone else, unless you have allergies and can justify intervening.

Except the syrup. YIK. I would (and have) bring a jug of real maple syrup as a house gift. I've even called myself a syrup snob when I've prsented it/used it. You could even bring a whole pancake breakfast as a hostess gift - include a buckwheat pancake mix, TF sausage, maybe bring along your waffle iron and offer to make them with the children. (I've done this, too, as I am a pancake snob, goes with the syrup, I guess!)

If breakfast isn't your thing, you might do this with another meal. I've brought along the ingredients for Moosewood Chili (Red, Black, Green and Gold, if you want to google the recipe) and offered to assemble it for Friday night's dinner. This assures me at least one good meal, and if I make a large enough batch, there will be leftovers for Saturday lunch (for at least myself and, in this case, a child or 2 of mine!).

ETA - Areia - you beat me to the post. You posted while I was prattling on about syrup.

This is such a nice way of doing it!


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JennTheMomma* 
Well, I wouldn't be able to let it go, especially the hot dogs. I would call them ahead of time and say that some of the foods they eat you and your kids don't eat/like and ask if they have any alternatives, or if you could buy some groceries once you get there and ask to store them in the fridge. I know its only a weekend, but it could make your kids sick if they don't have this type of food, I know it would make me sick with my sensative stomach and being sensative to artificial foods.

It would be nice if our culture allowed such honesty without hurt feelings but I bet this could cause some awkwardness. I like the idea of bringing food along for a "thank-you" meal. I wouldn't allow my kids to have artificial sugar but I would probably cringe through the rest of it.


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## Carson (May 21, 2005)

Sorry, I couldn't resist looking at the NI for Jiffy pop. Looks like there are 10g of transfats in the whole pan not one cup. I think others are spot on with their advice - try to be a gracious guest just for one weekend, but do offer to cook something. Maybe come up with some meals in mind that you can make more along your comfort lines but won't be received as holier-than-thou, IYKWIM? Like instead of super cheap hot-dogs, maybe some subltly all-beef franks? I think if you get too far out there, it could be cause hurt and awkwardness.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

I'd bring (or buy there) my own food for breakfast and lunch and try to suffer through dinner with the "it won't kill us" attitude and I'd tell my kids no if they asked for things I didn't want them to have. I'm pretty picky about food though and I *do* believe some of those things kill people.......


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Bring a fruit basket and some maple syrup, and take the family out for lunch one day to some place healthy to thank them for hosting your family.









Other than that, one weekend is not even going to harm you, unless any of you are easily constipated. My son gets constipated very easily if we don't eat well enough while on vacation, so I make sure to bring lots of raw fruit, veggies, raisins, etc., for him to snack on.


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## GardenStream (Aug 21, 2007)

I'm not super strict, but 2 of the things really jump out at me. I could probably look past the drink once, but not more than that. I would bring back up drinks or insist upon water.

The aspartame is a huge NO for me. Not a chance would I let my kids eat that. I would either take my own syrup or have something else for my kids to eat.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NicaG* 
I'd let it go. It's one weekend, and not worth the hurt feelings. If it were me, I'd probably ask for something else for the kids to drink, like water, but that's about it.

What is Jiffy pop?

It must be like a peanut butter soda.

Took me awhile to remember what it was also.LOL It's popcorn I think.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

I make my mom get real syrup for when we visit







It's one of my main requests on a very short list, but she can't believe the price.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
When we visit friends, we always offer to cook a meal or two and to take them out for dinner as a thank you for their hospitality. Bring along your favourite granola and tell them that they just HAVE to try it, lol! Bringing a big fruit basket from the market sounds like a great idea. The farmer's markets are amazing this time of year.

You may still have to endure some unhealthy meals, but at least they won't all be like that.

I like this approach. I guess I'm a jerk but there's no way I could endure an entire weekend of eating that crap. One meal, maybe. As many as nine meals? Not a chance. Junk food makes me feel terrible and there's no way I'd eat in a way that I know would make me feel physically sick just to be polite.

I'd show up bearing a basket of healthy food like fruit and real syrup and maybe some local cider or something to replace the mystery powder sugar water. We always bring hostess gifts when we stay with friends and family anyway, so it wouldn't raise any suspicions--but if it did, oh well.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

I also think it would be extremely gracious if you go grocery shopping and make a big breakfast one day for everyone and a nice dinner another night. It would be a nice thank you and a way of getting some real food into your children.

I loooove Jiffy Pop. I will have to pick some up soon. We only had it about once a year growing up but it was always so special to me. Thanks for reminding me of that stuff!


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## elisent (May 30, 2006)

Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that! We've been buying it for family movie night once a week recently. Our microwave doesn't turn anymore so popcorn burns in there, and my flat top stove got scratched when I tried to make real popcorn on it because none of my pans are smooth on the bottom. I guess we're back to no popcorn then.


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## MammaG (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't think I could let much of that go without feeling that I'd let my kids down in some way. But I'd hate to think I was an ungracious guest, either. It's a hard balance to strike.

I think I would shop for alternatives to the foods you object to most and bring them along with to 'to contribute to the household'. I'd get uncured hot dogs, selzer water and fruit juice to mix, pirate booty, health(ier) pancake mix and real syrup. Maybe some whole wheat bread and some fruit. I wouldn't make a point of saying that your kids don't eat the less-healthy stuff, and if they head for the junk, at least you tried and you'll at least be able to ensure that they get access to some better-quality food.

If it comes up, I don't think you'd be too out of line saying that you have a family policy of avoiding specific ingredients....don't say why, so you don't sound judgemantal...they may just assume there are allergies or something.

My worry would be my kids....they shop with me and I've been reading them the ingredients since they were born (kept them happy if I did it in a silly voice as infants, even). They aren't old enough to understand that it's OK to chorus in the supermarket, "We don't eat that, it's NOT a grow-food", but it would be rude at someone else's house.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evergreen* 
I also think it would be extremely gracious if you go grocery shopping and make a big breakfast one day for everyone and a nice dinner another night. It would be a nice thank you and a way of getting some real food into your children.

That's what I would do. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about a weekend of junk food.

As someone who has people visit my house a few times a year, I do get offended when someone complains about the food I serve. Granted, I wouldn't serve that kind of food but still it annoys me.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that! We've been buying it for family movie night once a week recently. Our microwave doesn't turn anymore so popcorn burns in there, and my flat top stove got scratched when I tried to make real popcorn on it because none of my pans are smooth on the bottom. I guess we're back to no popcorn then.

You could get an Air Popper








It's even yummier and super low in calories and fat


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

LOVE the hostess gift idea & ditto the grocery shopping & meal making! Our friends always do potluck style for group functions - it's easier & WAY cheaper. Otherwise, yeah - let it go! If something sounds especially gross you can offer to make something as well. I'm sure sharing the work & cost will be MUCH appreciated by the hostess









Feeding 2 families is a huge burden financially and time consuming - if I invited a friend's family over for a weekend & they called me to say that some of the foods we eat their family didn't like I'd be pretty miffed in so many ways - I can't believe someone suggested that!


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## tankgirl136 (Dec 13, 2008)

nak

I find it funny we are having a reverse version of this with a totally different result. MIL and BIL (whose almost 8) are coming to visit the baby and they tend to eat much more "mainstream" foods where we are much more towards healthy eating. She thought nothing of saying they will be shopping when they get here. While I am a little less then thrilled to have meat cooked in the house (long time vegetarian) and was fine cooking meatless things they would be comfortable with (spagetti, burritos, etc) I guess at least we don't have to worry now what they will eat and if they will like it









I do find it interesting though how many people who I know like MIL think nothing of getting less healthy foods when they visit beacuse "the kids just don't like that sort of stuff" to things like whole wheat bread and fresh veggies. But us healthier people suck it up just to be polite. Btw I am one who would bring a few nice things and offer to help cook and othewise suck it up. Funny as that is.


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that! We've been buying it for family movie night once a week recently. Our microwave doesn't turn anymore so popcorn burns in there, and my flat top stove got scratched when I tried to make real popcorn on it because none of my pans are smooth on the bottom. I guess we're back to no popcorn then.

I found a "popcorn popper" pan at Value Village - it has a turnstil & a handle on the top of the lid!

Regardless of that, there are PLENTY of transfat free popcorns on the market







You can also comprimise between no popcorn & the occassional Jiffy Pop fest


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tankgirl136* 
nak
She thought nothing of saying they will be shopping when they get here. While I am a little less then thrilled to have meat cooked in the house (long time vegetarian) and was fine cooking meatless things they would be comfortable with (spagetti, burritos, etc) I guess at least we don't have to worry now what they will eat and if they will like it









But us healthier people suck it up just to be polite. Btw I am one who would bring a few nice things and offer to help cook and othewise suck it up. Funny as that is.


I think it's us POLITE people who "suck it up" and think of nice & thoughtful ways to comprimise (offering to help the purchase and preparation of meals instead of simply cooking our own). Clearly your MIL's rudeness makes you less than thrilled - I think that's what those of us who were suggesting she "let it go" were trying to avoid









We're big meat eaters here. We bring vegetarian dishes to our vegetarian friend's house. I don't feel like we're "sucking it up," I feel we're being polite & letting go of our preconceptions for a night.

I would never ask her if I could cook my family their own meal when we came over because my family doesn't like vegetarian food, KWIM?

Some people are just plain rude!


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Like others mentioned I would probably just stop at the grocery store and bring some things. A grocery bag with a loaf of bread, butter, syrup, fruit, a block of cheese, some already popped popcorn or Pirate's Booty for treats, some lunch food, etc. Then I would just say something like, "Thank you so much for hosting our family this weekend!! We stopped at the grocery store and grabbed some food to help take some of the burden off of you. I would be happy to prepare (breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc) on (this day)! We are so excited to see you guys. If there is anything else I can do to help just let me know!"

Good luck!


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## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that! We've been buying it for family movie night once a week recently. Our microwave doesn't turn anymore so popcorn burns in there, and my flat top stove got scratched when I tried to make real popcorn on it because none of my pans are smooth on the bottom. I guess we're back to no popcorn then.

OK, this is totally OT about the nutrition, but you can buy a regular ole popcorn maker like the Stir Crazy. My brother got us one as a wedding gift. We'll be married 15 years next month and it's still working great! You just add oil and popcorn and it stirs it around so it doesn't burn. You just have to watch out that little kids don't touch it while it's cooking because it gets hot. But my 11 yo uses it no problem.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that! We've been buying it for family movie night once a week recently. Our microwave doesn't turn anymore so popcorn burns in there, and my flat top stove got scratched when I tried to make real popcorn on it because none of my pans are smooth on the bottom. I guess we're back to no popcorn then.

According to the nutrition information link someone posted upthread, the Jiffy Pop brand offers several versions of their popcorn, including 94% fat free ones, 100-calorie ones, etc. So I bet if you scan the shelves you'll find one that works for you. And really, once a week, divided up among a whole family, is probably fine anyway.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JennTheMomma* 
Well, I wouldn't be able to let it go, especially the hot dogs. *I would call them ahead of time and say that some of the foods they eat you and your kids don't eat/like and ask if they have any alternatives,* or if you could buy some groceries once you get there and ask to store them in the fridge. I know its only a weekend, but it could make your kids sick if they don't have this type of food, I know it would make me sick with my sensative stomach and being sensative to artificial foods.

You would really do that? Wow, if someone that I was going to have as a guest called and said that to me I'd be majorly offended.









OP if I were you I would either let it go for the weekend or bring a cooler like everyone has suggested with some healthy foods and make up an excuse about why you brought it. Maybe just to help out maybe you have really picky eaters. I would not say "We don't like the foods you eat" to me that just sounds like you were keeping track of what they eat and it sounds really judgemental.

Best of luck.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that!

Jiffy Pop (the stovetop version) has three grams of transfats per serving not thirteen. http://www.conagra.com/consumer/bran...page=jiffy_pop


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chaoticzenmom* 
It must be like a peanut butter soda.

LOL, I'm trying to decide whether that sounds good or not! I've had chocolate soda and liked it.

Seriously, jiffy pop is awesome though--so fun to make. I should introduce DS to it, I don't think he's ever had it.


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

My dd would be a wreck if she ate like that for a whole weekend. I will sometimes let her have a junkfood hotdog or junkie mac N cheese at a house we are visiting.
I do have an excuse--dd is a mess after and people can see it.
I don't have a problem with natural sugar treats. She doesn't get them everyday but I don't stress about those ones. For me, and her, it's the dyes and artificial stuff.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
Like others mentioned I would probably just stop at the grocery store and bring some things. A grocery bag with a loaf of bread, butter, syrup, fruit, a block of cheese, some already popped popcorn or Pirate's Booty for treats, some lunch food, etc. Then I would just say something like, "Thank you so much for hosting our family this weekend!! We stopped at the grocery store and grabbed some food to help take some of the burden off of you. I would be happy to prepare (breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc) on (this day)! We are so excited to see you guys. If there is anything else I can do to help just let me know!"

I like the tone of this - but I would tell the hostess PRIOR to arriving - as otherwise she would have bought enough food for all of you for all meals - some of which will be wasted. Whether someone else thinks it is junky food or not, they still will have put money out for it.

I am firmly in the camp of suck it up for one weekend if you can't find a polite way to bring a BIT (not a lot, a lot would be rude) of food. The only thing in the list that the OP stated that would bother me is the sugar-free syrup. One, fake sugar is carcinogenic IMO, and two, it just tastes awful.

I think I'd call the hostess and thank her for having you, so excited to spend the weekend together, etc and say that you're bringing some snack items since she is providing meals. Then bring fruit and whatever snack items you want - and a bottle of syrup that you can say "is just our favorite; I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share it with you since you mentioned a pancake breakfast".


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that! We've been buying it for family movie night once a week recently. Our microwave doesn't turn anymore so popcorn burns in there, and my flat top stove got scratched when I tried to make real popcorn on it because none of my pans are smooth on the bottom. I guess we're back to no popcorn then.

You could also try this. It works wonderfully!


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

If I couldn't go and be cheerful and polite about the food served in the house, I'd stay at a motel or I'd stay home. It really is only one weekend.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

I'd worry about tummy aches. I think it's a great idea to bring something with you, so your children can have something nutritious in their stomachs.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I wouldn't say anything negative to my friend about the food she serves -- i.e. asking for alternatives seems a little demanding. But then I speak from the perspective of being lower income.

We sometimes have great intentions for cooking special foods for coming visitors -- then at the last minute realize we forgot to subtract something or an emergency comes up, and we have negative balance, or a lot less than we thought we did, and have no money for the special stuff we wanted to buy.

So we serve our friends whatever we have in the house. It would feel overwhelming if they were, like, what alternatives do you have?

That said, I have one child who's a rather picky eater. So if we were visiting friends out of town, we'd probably tell them not to take it personally if she didn't want whatever they were serving ... plus with her, you can't always even be sure she will like what she normally likes, because when it's served she may decide she's not in the mood.

So we would probably bring some food ourselves, both to share with everyone as well as to provide some alternatives for our choosy child.

I don't think it's rude to bring some food to share with everyone ... at least I've never had any hostess act like this was a problem to have more stuff for everyone to snack on. The more food the more fun.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Our family would not be able to "suck it up" and eat that stuff for a whole weekend. We would all be constipated wrecks and dd would be so wired the entire weekend that our hosts would probably kick us out







Seriously. When grandma insists on feeding dd brownies and hot chocolate for breakfast she turns into a monster I do not recognize.....and that is with healthy food for the rest of the day. It takes a full week to "fix" her.

But I think there are lots of good suggestions for ways to get around things, bring "gifts", and treat everyone to a dinner out or whatever. How well do you know these people? If you are really close, I think being delicately honest before you show up is best. Explain that your kids do not do well with certain foods and offer to bring alternatives. If you do not know them well enough to do that, perhaps you could become "vegetarians" for the weekend to avoid some of the really gross stuff (hot dogs) and just minimize the other stuff.

We have a similar problem when visiting my mom. It is not as bad because we stay in a hotel and we can all eat there then eat far less of the offending foods when with her. We also take everyone out for at least one meal....more if we can get away with it. But in some ways it is "worse" because not only is the food unhealthy but she has a hard time managing her food (and the rest of her life) so she is often dishing up stuff that is ROTTEN







Like, her power went out for a WEEK once, and she did not throw out the food in her fridge! I have to be extremely vigilant because dd is too young to understand this and grandma will try to feed her stuff on the sly. Obviously, the whole situation is part of a much bigger problem but we just do not see a fix at this point. So, we are often snarfing food in the car on the way there and politely declining the ravioli with mold on it


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

I often bring individual, or large boxed Annie's Mac & Cheese when we visit people. It's a treat for dd, and pretty "normal". Something like that could sneak into a lot of meals without being pushy or anything.
Most people usually dig pizza and salad - you could suggest making some at home or picking it up for everyone.

We have to balance our stuff like that otherwise all of us have digestive issues. . . so we wouldn't do a whole weekend of eating like that, and so, we sorta always end up bringing or making tons of food when we visit people (plus we love to cook, anyway







).


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Yooper, not to take things OT -- but I'm wondering if your mom and my mom are the same age? My mom was born in 1925 to a family that was already poor and then of course they lived through the Great Depression. It pains her to throw ANYTHING away.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Oh, that's too bad about the Jiffy Pop I didn't know that! We've been buying it for family movie night once a week recently. Our microwave doesn't turn anymore so popcorn burns in there, and my flat top stove got scratched when I tried to make real popcorn on it because none of my pans are smooth on the bottom. I guess we're back to no popcorn then.

You can make popcorn in a regular pan by keeping it slightly elevated over the heat source. That's what I always did as a kid. That way, it can't scratch your stove top.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
Yooper, not to take things OT -- but I'm wondering if your mom and my mom are the same age? My mom was born in 1925 to a family that was already poor and then of course they lived through the Great Depression. It pains her to throw ANYTHING away.

She is a bit younger than that but did grow up very poor. This issue and others related to it developed over time. She was pretty "normal" when I was growing up. And while never the world's "cleanest" cook, things were OK then. Now she lives alone and has hoarding/cleanliness/hygiene issues. I have analyzed this to no end with my sister and we have yet to figure it out, although I do suspect having a distant past of being poor contributes to it. It is like she does not notice or something. Every time we point out that something has mold on it, smells off, or is WAY past the expiration date, she gets very angry. So we quit doing that. It is so goofy. If we are around other people and decline to eat something, she will go on and on about how we eat like birds (or some other story) even though we KNOW she knows why we are not eating it and that we certainly do NOT eat like birds in any other venue except her house. Things came to a similar "head" when we came to the decision that clearing enough space to sleep on the floor in her packed-to-the-gills-and-very-dirty-cat-pee-filled-3600-square-foot house was not going to happen anymore and that we needed to stay in a hotel..... She was very angry and now makes up these elaborate stories to others as to why we do not stay there. Something flipped in her brain some time ago and it appears to be permanent


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

oh yikes. that would be hard for me to let go.

when i visit my brother (whose child eats pudding snacks for breakfast...and has to "finish it" before he can have an oreo) i usually buy things to make a big salad which i eat along with whatever type of weird meat he is barbecuing. (he only eats meat that he grills. it's very weird) but for my dd...she is just now becoming aware of a whole world of "food" that i don't want her to have! even if it is just one weekend...i don't really want to set that precedent. and i feel like i can respect my brother's right to only eat grilled meat and feed his kid chocolate only (i don't really respect it actually, but i don't try to change it) and when he comes to my house, i don't try to feed him like, vegan food or something.

i would: offer to cook meals, go out to eat, supplement whatever meals and snacks with normal food that you provide

good luck!


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

Quote:

I wouldn't say anything negative to my friend about the food she serves -- i.e. asking for alternatives seems a little demanding. But then I speak from the perspective of being lower income.
i'm fairly low income. however, i provide my family and guests with real food. if i were a guest in someone's home, i would not necessarily ask for alternatives, but contribute something to the meal.


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

I'd let it go, but seriously consider bringing maple syrup as a gift... Most people do love it, just don't/can't justify the cost (and neither could I if I bought it in the store - but I buy it from a local place for $25 a gallon every winter


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## SuburbanHippie (Aug 29, 2008)

I don't think it's obnoxious to bring food as long as you bring enough for everyone. If they like popcorn, bring some coconut oil and some kernels and teach them the best way to make it (on the stove







). If they like hot dogs, bring some nitrate free ones. Same with the syrup. Tell them you didn't want to put them out and wanted a way to thank them for having you so you're helping them with their food budget for the weekend by bringing some yummy treats.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

The hot dogs and aspartame would be a no go for me. I'd rather starve.

I like the idea of grocery shopping and preparing food while you are there. It seems like a nice gesture since they are letting you stay in their home. What about going out to eat for a couple meals? That way everyone can choose what they order.

Air popper's are pretty cheap - I think we paid like $15 or so for ours - and kernals are even cheaper. That might be a nice gift.


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## JollyGG (Oct 1, 2008)

Personally I'd pick one or two things and just endure the rest.

Mine would be the artificial sweetener and the pop.

At breakfast I'd just lightly say "Oh the kids will have some butter and cinnamon and sugar on their pancakes. I don't let the kids eat artificial sweeteners" "Oh water will be fine for us."


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

I run into similar (but not as bad) problems when i visit my dad. You know - the food is always good, and not necessarily junky (sometimes from trader joe's, but canned/bottled) but they get barely any fiber in their diet, where we're USED to a lot, so I always have pooping issues for the whole time and then a few days after, and just generally feel yucky.

They also exclusively drink diet soda... and always try and pick some other flavors of diet up for us, which is just a big "NO" on the aspartame, for us, but they don't get it. And then they send us home with piles of food that we don't necessarily want because of the other issues... Meh.

They also insist on cooking when they come to our house *sigh*... which is so nice, but they think we're crazy when I choose the organic chicken or organic milk or whatever at the store. They think we vastly overpay for food. I think they're paying in their health (at least that seems pretty obvious to me, considering their health situation...), but what do I know, I'm not a doctor







(they can totally afford better food - she's a lawyer and he's higher up in the government... they definitely make a lot more than we do, and have no kids at home and fewer other costs)

I feel your pain, I guess, OP. Aspartame is a big struggle for me with my dad and his wife.

But then, I'm a total foodie and clearly a food snob, so I guess there's that aspect.

I think in this situation, I'd have to go with bringing some nice maple syrup and holding my breath through the rest. Offering to cook is really nice, but speaking personally, I really HATE when other people are trying to cook in my kitchen. It makes me crazy. LOL I assume most other people don't feel that way, though, but I'd have a hard time offering because of my own hang-ups with it.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think you should just let it go. If your family eats mostly healthy foods except once a year and white bread is considered a splurge to the junk food side in your family then I don't think you need to stress yourself out with anxiety over what you eat on this vacation.


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## Triciabn (Nov 6, 2005)

At first I was going to say just be cool and eat what you can handle....but on second thought do you or the kids have stomach upset when you eat junky foods. I know I do.... and after spending the evening at a friends'... my kids don't seem to do to well on junk.
I know I used to get sick when I ever ate at one friends house... I know now it was from a certain perservative that I don't do well on.
So you know what your fam can handle without 20 trips to the bathroom.
Tricia


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I think you should just let it go. If your family eats mostly healthy foods except once a year and white bread is considered a splurge to the junk food side in your family then I don't think you need to stress yourself out with anxiety over what you eat on this vacation.

I agree with this, frankly I would be so hurt if someone I allowed to stay in my house and offered hospitality to felt this way about my food. I really don't think there is a nice way around this without creating the potential for hurt feelings. If you have never brought a gift before and show up with a food basket I am still not sure if that would go over well.

IMO aside from offering to treat them for a few meals out which can be done under the guise of wanting to repay their hospitality, I would suck it up. I hope I don't come across as harsh but I am dealing with a similiar situation and this thread struck a note with me.









Shay


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I was thinking about this some more... b/c I am very much a let it go, it's not a big deal type of person (say, about stuff like soda, goldfish crackers, fast food, birthday cake







) BUT, for me personally, I feel horrid if I eat/drink certain things. Which is why I mentioned not being okay with aspartame - I get migraines. Red 40, artificial sweeteners, icky versions of nitrate loaded hot dogs - I cannot eat myself without feeling ill. My children, and DH, are not near as sensitive, though. So, if it was me, I would be grocery shopping for the family (or stashing food in my suitcase) or spending the money and insisting on taking everyone out to eat (maybe use wanting to get out and explore various parts of town as an excuse). I just would not have a good time if I felt crummy.

I don't think your hosts would be offended by a little grocery shopping. If you bought fruits and veggies, etc., they would likely be happy you wanted to help with food costs. We have relatives who often make trips to the store while staying with us, and I'm not offended b/c they wanted a specific type of beer, or diet soda, or even junk food (so, they do the opposite of what you would be doing).

I guess if no one in your family will feel sick from what they serve, and it's just a nutritional annoyance, I would just go and eat as it sounds like you have in the past. If there are sensitivities, I would gently find a way to offer more healthy food choices while you are visiting.


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## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

This kind of issue is one of the many reasons I am grateful for my ds' severe food allergy (to corn)







We have to bring our own food everywhere we go.

If it were me I would just claim picky/sensitive kids and say you are bringing stuff you know they will eat to take care of snacks and to be sure there are some healthy items on hand (bring enough for everyone). And offer to take care of a breakfast, a lunch, and a dinner if you are staying a couple of days out of gratitude. That is a nice thing to do anyway when visiting.

Maybe bring some Annie's mac'n'cheese and some all natural, nitrate and filler free beef 'hot dogs', and other things that are similar enough to not be offensive but should be liked by all? Or order pizza for everyone one night? That way there should be enough for leftovers for lunch (if you order enough). It would probably be easier to just focus on the few things you absolutely can't get over and let the rest go.

I personally couldn't let the hot dogs, drinks, or syrup go. Ditto on the foods with lots of chemicals and dyes. They can be really hard on the digestion of people who don't regularly eat that sort of thing. If we didn't have the allergy issue that is.

There are lots of ways to handle this kind of thing without saying anything about their food choices. You can be polite and creative without being judgmental. Even just choosing the junk or fast food you ARE comfortable with as an alternative could work.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

OP in your case i would offer to take them out for a meal. and then offer to cook one too casually and go on a grocery trip rather than show up with grocery. if you plan to cook take their nabits into concern and not cook what you would typically cook but would not suit their diet. kinda try to acheive middle ground.

i am lucky that my dd would refuse such food. definitely the hot dogs and the pancakes and jiffy popcorn. and even if they served pasta with spaghetti sause that would work well for us.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Call ahead of time --"oh just a head's up, I'm bringing a cooler full of food for lunches and snacks so you don't have to worry about feeding the kids all weekend. No, no I insist. And you must let me cook at least one meal or take you out to dinner to thank you for your hospitality."

Do they have kids too? Make sure you bring enough to share.

I understand how you feel, but time with friends is too precious to let some white bread and trans fat get in the way, IMO.

ETA - I'm not always creative with food and feeding a visiting family of 4 might be enough to make me break out the frozen chicken nuggets too


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

And I agree with a pp, find middle ground. Maybe some high quality hot dogs (?) and some Hansen's root beer or cider or something.


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife* 
I was thinking about this some more... b/c I am very much a let it go, it's not a big deal type of person (say, about stuff like soda, goldfish crackers, fast food, birthday cake







) BUT, for me personally, I feel horrid if I eat/drink certain things.

Me too! I couldn't let something like that go. I would be ill. I'm not even sure I could get some of that food down. Seriously. I'm vegan and my kids are vegetarian, so at least that would remedy the hotdog problem. My kids' behavior would be out of control and it would possibly make for a very difficult weekend. I have tummy issues, and if I ate that much trans-fat and artificial flavorings and additives, I'd be spending the weekend on the toilet.

OP, I would take some food for you and your family. Heck, when my BILs and their families visit us, or we visit them, we all take food with us. (We're all healthy eaters, but with me being vegan and dh and the kids being vegetarian, we don't want anyone to feel responsible for our food choices.) Tell your friends you don't want to eat them out of house and home, and bring some good healthy snacks.

I'd let my kids try the soda. ONCE! I'm quite sure they would gag at the fake maple syrup, though.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
Call ahead of time --"oh just a head's up, I'm bringing a cooler full of food for lunches and snacks so you don't have to worry about feeding the kids all weekend. No, no I insist. And you must let me cook at least one meal or take you out to dinner to thank you for your hospitality."

Do they have kids too? Make sure you bring enough to share.

See, a call like this would be a total relief to me, since I'd prob'ly be overwhelmed with cleaning right before they came, LOL, so this would be "one less thing" for me to worry about.

Whereas having my friends call while I'm in the midst of all the cleaning, asking whether I'll be able to offer healthy alternatives to the foods we normally serve, would be dumping a load on me at an already-overwhelmed moment.

And, yes, I'd be very much looking forward to the actual visit -- but I tend to procrastinate so much on my housework that I tend to get a tad stressed slightly "before" the big moment.


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## Snapdragon (Aug 30, 2007)

Yeah- if it were me I would just bring my own food and cook for them, like some others have said.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FreeRangeMama* 
This kind of issue is one of the many reasons I am grateful for my ds' severe food allergy (to corn)







We have to bring our own food everywhere we go.

If it were me I would just claim picky/sensitive kids and say you are bringing stuff you know they will eat to take care of snacks and to be sure there are some healthy items on hand (bring enough for everyone). And offer to take care of a breakfast, a lunch, and a dinner if you are staying a couple of days out of gratitude. That is a nice thing to do anyway when visiting.

Maybe bring some Annie's mac'n'cheese and some all natural, nitrate and filler free beef 'hot dogs', and other things that are similar enough to not be offensive but should be liked by all? Or order pizza for everyone one night? That way there should be enough for leftovers for lunch (if you order enough). It would probably be easier to just focus on the few things you absolutely can't get over and let the rest go.

I personally couldn't let the hot dogs, drinks, or syrup go. Ditto on the foods with lots of chemicals and dyes. They can be really hard on the digestion of people who don't regularly eat that sort of thing. If we didn't have the allergy issue that is.

There are lots of ways to handle this kind of thing without saying anything about their food choices. You can be polite and creative without being judgmental. Even just choosing the junk or fast food you ARE comfortable with as an alternative could work.


ditto, sometime I love the fact we have to follow a special diet because it gives us an excuse not to eat food I find horrifying. I would say one weekend won't kill them but I would also bring say, half the food you would need for every one to limit what they eat. For example instead of the soda with red 40 in you could bring 7 up, bring real pancake syrup and mix you approve of although not sure I would go as far as whole wheat since thats a bit of an acquired taste but maybe something like bisquick? (I dunno whats in it, were GF). Just bring extra of foods you do approve of thats not to far out there but won't offend them. Like if you were to bring all natural/organic food you would probably offend them but if you bought stuff that you can find at a regular store thats a healthier option, say cheerios instead of fruit loops I think your less likely to offend.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Wow, I am by no means a food snob, people around hewre would be horrified by what I let my kids eat, but that grossed me out just reading it. I don't know how you could eat that every day, every meal without getting physically ill. I mean it is one thing if your kids are used to all that but yours are not.

I know you are probably willing to compromise and let them have hotdogs once or twice. If they will actually eat them. Where else can you compromise? Pancakes with real syrup? Microwave popcorn with less fake (the make some all natrual ones...orvil reddenbokker i think). Maybe offer to take the kids out for lunch......bring a fruit basket as a gift? I don't know. Good luck.

ETA - i just realized it was for a weekend and not a week. I would just make sure to bring snacks for everyone so that your kids will fill up on that and eat leass at meals. and better syrup. that sugar free stuff is just gross.


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

Quote:

If I couldn't go and be cheerful and polite about the food served in the house, I'd stay at a motel or I'd stay home. It really is only one weekend.
I agree with this.

I do think it would be reasonable for you to bring some simple snacks/foods that your kids do eat (with enough to share, of course) and offer to prepare a meal or two while you're there.

I'm curious though... if you only see these people "once a year", how do you know what they eat on a daily basis?


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## mommy2maya (Jun 7, 2003)

do people really think Annies mac and cheese is *healthy*? It is still white pasta and powdered processed 'cheese'.


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2maya* 
do people really think Annies mac and cheese is *healthy*? It is still white pasta and powdered processed 'cheese'.

I don't think anyone thinks it's "healthy," but the ingredient list looks a lot better than Kraft's. Especially if you avoid artificial colorings like the plague!

Annies: ORGANIC SEMOLINA PASTA FROM DURUM WHEAT, CHEDDAR CHEESE (CULTURED PASTEURIZED MILK, SALT, NON-ANIMAL ENZYMES), WHEY, BUTTERMILK, BUTTER, SALT, NATURAL SODIUM PHOSPHATE.

Kraft: Ingredients: ENRICHED MACARONI PRODUCT (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, FERROUS SULFATE [IRON], THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID); CHEESE SAUCE MIX (WHEY, MILKFAT, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, SALT, SODIUM TRIPOLYPHOSPHATE, CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF CITRIC ACID, LACTIC ACID, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, MILK, YELLOW 5, YELLOW 6, ENZYMES, CHEESE CULTURE)


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

I would have the same problem as Yooper. My Dd would lose her mind if she ate like that.
My husband once got on his high horse about letting the kids have donuts b/c I kept saying no and I told him exactly why but he wants it not to be true...and lo and behold DD cried and screamed and could not handle anything all day. she was leaping around and driving him crazy...for what ? A stinkin donut.
So my DD definitely could not endure an entire weekend like that. I feel, thoughI could tell that, too any of my friends My friends know how we eat and if I were going to their home I could say, "Oh no way can Dd have that. I brought these alternatives to keep the peace all weekend; Otherwise we will all go crazy" My friends would laugh and that be it.
I can't imagine a single one of my friends thinking that I was being uppity.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2maya* 
do people really think Annies mac and cheese is *healthy*? It is still white pasta and powdered processed 'cheese'.

and it is gross. no one who eats kraft is going to be satisfied with this as a subsitute. better to just have a pb and j and move on with life.


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## mystic~mama (Apr 27, 2004)

I'd bring my own food.

I've gotten to where I am much more concerned about our health and feeling good than about if it will bother people

and I try and be as nice about it as possible

I'd talk to DD about it before hand also and let her know what we can and can't eat

I let her have treats and do accept food for her I wouldn't always have but for the most part, guess I'm snobby about it and I am okay with that.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

I would call them ahead of time and say that some of the foods they eat you and your kids don't eat/like and ask if they have any alternatives,
I think it would be really rude to ask someone to provide alternatives if you aren't allergic to something.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

So, how did it go?


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
If I couldn't go and be cheerful and polite about the food served in the house, I'd stay at a motel or I'd stay home. It really is only one weekend.

I agree.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamadelbosque* 
I'd let it go, but seriously consider bringing maple syrup as a gift... Most people do love it, just don't/can't justify the cost (and neither could I if I bought it in the store - but I buy it from a local place for $25 a gallon every winter









The hot dogs...the sugar free syrup...to me, they suggest a diabetic diet. Is the soda sugar free? Is the pancake mix whole wheat or high protein? In that case, real maple syrup could seriously hurt someone who is a diabetic, someone who might not want to offend a guest by not tasting the gift.

And this is coming from the perspective of a diabetic's wife.


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## ZanZansMommy (Nov 8, 2003)

I would bring my own food. When we have just let it go by saying, "oh it's only the weekend or it will hurt so & so's feelings," we have ended up sick & detoxing for a few days. That's not worth it to me.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
So, how did it go?

This.


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