# From a circumcised man: Why I'm glad my parents left my brother intact



## perspective (Nov 3, 2007)

So I am circumcised, but my twin brother isn't. This is due to a developmental disorder of the penis I had (hypo). Although I learned later my condition was so mild, it didn't really need surgery to correct, the "correction" was still done using my foreskin. 

Putting that aside for a moment, I was talking to another guy much like me. He is circumcised, and like me very emotional about it. I can see in him a lot of the same anger I have felt. Yet for him he has directed it into being VERY strongly pro-circumcision, he makes himself feel better by being unquestionable proud about his cut status, and gets very angry when anyone even mildly suggests that men should be allowed to decide for themselves. 

I wondered what really separated us? Why do him and so many cut men seem so randomly "anti foreskin"? Why did he go his why, and me, mine? 

For him his natural body was an abstraction he never knew. For many cut men, intact males are alien creatures whose very existence they feel makes them question the most intimate parts of themselves. For him, intact men, and those who support them, are the enemy. 

For me intact men are not an abstraction I've never met, they are not an enemy. They are my brothers- literally. I remember seeing him stretching his foreskin in the bathtub and being curious. In a way I grew up seeing the life of a normal boy, just from the outside. And something about that I think healed me before I knew I needed it. 

But more importantly when I got into puberty when all of this really comes to ahead- it gave me a point of contrast and understanding. The natural male body wasn't something to build my anger against, it instead was something I already knew and it made me face some hard truths that are VERY VERY hard to face, especially at 13. Truths I may have otherwise decided to ignore, because at such a young age its so much easier to just push away the anger and complexity (like most cut men do, and I don't blame them).

Having a intact brother forced me to be more open minded, and it made me realize the value in taking the hard road to understanding many situations or topics that I face. 

I realized that all tonight talking to this guy online. I will say I love my parents dearly, and know they always acted out of love (no matter how misguided). But with that said a part of me will never forgive them for what they did to my body, and the free will they took from me. Its the reality of forced body modifications is its just too complicated to just be able to "forgive and forget". I mean I don't have anger with them anymore, and little realizations like this makes me feel a little closer to them each time I have them. 

So I guess I posted all this for Moms and Dads who are in a situation of having one cut son already. Please know its not all or nothing. Just because you cut one son doesn't mean its over. Everything you do from here on counts just as much in how both your sons feel about you and themselves. 

The truth this ISNT as easy as "live and learn". Its always going to be complicated. It will always have happened, but you can still do something so BOTH of your sons feel as loved and supported, and whole as you can possibly can make them. And that counts. 

Teach both your sons (yes even the cut one) to be proud of their bodies, because you are really teaching them to be proud of themselves. Do that well, and they will take those same values to heart as Fathers and not cut their own sons. 

Love to you all, because we live in a tough world.


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## jcdfarmer (Feb 26, 2015)

Thanks for your post. I have two sons who both were born with mild hypospadias, and I absolutely refused to do anything to "correct" it. With my first son (born at home, with a midwife), the pediatrician was all over me, telling me that I needed to have it "fixed" because of "potential medical issues." When I asked her what they were, the ONLY thing she could come up with is that he wouldn't be able to pee standing up. Really??? THAT'S a medical issue???? I walked out and never went back.

My second son was born with the same degree of hypo, and I was like oh, I've seen this before. Funny, the doctor we took him to didn't even seem to think he had hypospadias, just a hooded foreskin. He didn't say anything about "fixing it."

Oh, and I ECed both boys, and guess what? They both pee just fine standing up!


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## perspective (Nov 3, 2007)

jcdfarmer said:


> Thanks for your post. I have two sons who both were born with mild hypospadias, and I absolutely refused to do anything to "correct" it. With my first son (born at home, with a midwife), the pediatrician was all over me, telling me that I needed to have it "fixed" because of "potential medical issues." When I asked her what they were, the ONLY thing she could come up with is that he wouldn't be able to pee standing up. Really??? THAT'S a medical issue???? I walked out and never went back.
> 
> My second son was born with the same degree of hypo, and I was like oh, I've seen this before. Funny, the doctor we took him to didn't even seem to think he had hypospadias, just a hooded foreskin. He didn't say anything about "fixing it."
> 
> Oh, and I ECed both boys, and guess what? They both pee just fine standing up!


Guys with hypo like me and your sons highlight how cutting culture has turned doctors toward the default of surgery on boys. Did you know there is a medical equivalent of hypo that girls are born with, yet there is no equivalent surgery?

Hypo can be a complicated issue and many parents don't know what to do. I am so happy for you and your sons and that you stuck to your resolve. I have talked to many hypo men who had the surgery and all of them had complicated feelings attached to it. There just isn't enough consideration to the mental well being of boys in hypo discussions with doctors. If you talk to them the whole discussion revolves around "fixing the pipes" "peeing the right way" and all these physiological things. Totally ignoring the emotional. Doctors think hypo boys are going to be ashamed of their bodies, but really I spent a life time just trying to know what that was. To have a sense of grounding in myself. Instead I had cosmetic surgery performed on me to fix something that wasn't a problem.

I don't know how old your sons are, but if you have any questions or are looking for any insight from a hypo man, please do not hesitate to PM me.


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