# Stillborn twins



## azamazon (Sep 26, 2008)

June 19th 2008 I gave birth to my identical twin boys at 26 weeks.... How does one move on, without a scar? I am so mad with God right now it hurts! He didnt just take one baby from me, he took both. How does one become whole again, when you feel like your drowning in a sea? Every baby cry crushes my heart. I am surrounded by loving friends and family that are welcoming new family members, how am I to reach in my aching heart and be happy for someone else getting the happiness I am deprived? I was strong untill my due date hit.... Now I am a mess... Please help with ways I can move forward and ot be so angry! Thanks


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## p.s (May 27, 2005)

i don't have any advice, but want to give you lots of hugs.


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

I'm soo sorry







It's so unfair. You accepted the risks and the difficulties and you lost your sons anyway. I just feel so sad for you. You are a strong person.









Lisa


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

you are SO muchstrongerthanyouthinkyouareat thismoment. Iam SOsorry. hugehugehugs.SOOOtough.

REbecca


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## MotherMama (Mar 31, 2008)

I am so sorry.


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## Dalene (Apr 14, 2008)

Talk it out with others and with us. It is only through expressing my grief that I am able to work through it. Many hugs to you.


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## savvybabygrace (Feb 15, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your devastating loss.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *azamazon* 
Please help with ways I can move forward and ot be so angry! Thanks

I am so sorry about your twin boys mama.







I hope you were able to spend some time with them and maybe take pictures. What did you name them?
I don't know what to tell you moving forward. Every minute you can make it through helps. Being angry is a natural acceptable reaction. I am still angry my daugter isn't here with us where she should be. Personally, I think it's OK to be angry, sad, lost, weak, heartbroken, etc for as long as you need to. Quite possibly forever. You do not need to be strong now. You will find ways to move on and cope and maybe feel like you can face the world again but you will always be the mama of these two boys who are not here with you and that changes you.
Right now just do whatever you can to help yourself. If talking helps then find people who will listen. If not talking helps then don't feel like you need to let others know you're OK. Please be gentle with yourself during this grieving process.


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## Finding Serenity (Aug 10, 2005)

Sending you many hugs.


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## azamazon (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eliseatthebeach* 
I am so sorry about your twin boys mama.







I hope you were able to spend some time with them and maybe take pictures. What did you name them?
I don't know what to tell you moving forward. Every minute you can make it through helps. Being angry is a natural acceptable reaction. I am still angry my daugter isn't here with us where she should be. Personally, I think it's OK to be angry, sad, lost, weak, heartbroken, etc for as long as you need to. Quite possibly forever. You do not need to be strong now. You will find ways to move on and cope and maybe feel like you can face the world again but you will always be the mama of these two boys who are not here with you and that changes you.
Right now just do whatever you can to help yourself. If talking helps then find people who will listen. If not talking helps then don't feel like you need to let others know you're OK. Please be gentle with yourself during this grieving process.









Baby A was Alex Christian Brown 15 oz 11 inches
Baby B was Blake James Brown 1 lb 4 oz 12 inches long


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

Alex Christian Brown








Blake James Brown


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

What a devastating loss

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dalene* 
Talk it out with others and with us. It is only through expressing my grief that I am able to work through it.

yep, me too


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## jennifer_lc1 (Sep 8, 2007)

i have no advice for you, i have not been through your situation. i had a miscarriage at 10 wks and i know it hurt me so bad emotionally i thought i would never be the same.

and i'm not. i will never forget my baby that never got to be. but i will also move forward with life, continue to grow as a person, love myself, my family, my life.. you only get to live once and it's always full of ups and downs and the terribly cruel things that happen to us completely unwarrented.

your babies will live in your heart, keep good memories of them, talk to them. they're with you mama, always. you will always love your boys, no use in keeping it only to yourself. write them letters, talk about them to people, whatever you feel you need to do to feel better and honor your babies.

these things happen and it's the saddest thing that can happen to a woman. the loss of life you were carrying suddenly gone without the chance to ever be, it's heart wrenching and i know for me i felt like a failure as a woman, a mother to little spark of life that never got a flame going.. and i failed it some how. i beat myself up all the time until i got pregnant again.

there is light at the end of the tunnel. you will go on to have children, to love them, hold them, nurture them, they will never replace your precious boys.. but you will love them more than you can imagine and you will be ok, you're a strong strong woman and will be a great mom.

again, i haven't nearly been in your situation but i know what a loss feels like and i said to myself " be angry. yell. scream. cry. breathe. punch the pillows. do what you need to do to get your anger out because it being bottled up hurts even more." be angry at god. he will understand. you don't have the answers and he does.

i never knew exactly how bad i hurt about my loss until i finally held my little archie in my arms. the pain goes away instantly, but you don't forget your loss.. you just.. heal i guess.

be gentle with yourself. i will be thinking of you always.


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## carmenfr (Oct 18, 2008)

Hi

I'm very sorry, I wish I could do something. Nobody can understand unless they have lost a child. At times I felt angry with people for not understanding and frustrated because I almost feel that I have become separted from these people. Wishing I could go back to being the person I was and wishing I could get rid of the pain in my chest. Wishing the desire to smash my home to pieces would go.

Next Saturday it will be a year since we lost our twin boy, 25 weeks +6. I just want Sunday to come. I'm so apprehensive, I can't explain. I have no choice but to carry on, I have a daughter, who is 4 and she needs me.

My uterus went with them because they could not stop the bleeding. I kept my life though, which is due to 5 people and 7 hours of surgery. They only gave me a 50% chance of surviving.

I just can't understand what I did to deserve this....

Maurice & Owen Fritz
26 October 2007
You have no voices to cry
but i hear your cries
your have no tears to cry
but mine will flow for you
they say time heals pain
but my pain only grows


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