# How much time does your 3-5 year old spend alone?



## Holiztic (Oct 10, 2005)

By "alone" I mean something like this (you adjust the meaning a little if you want):

Only person of any age in the room

No visual "entertainment" like TV, video game, etc.

It doesn't have to be in huge chunks, but I think if it's only 2 minutes at a time several times a day, maybe I wouldn't count that as an hour, KWIM?

Oh, and awake!

Also, love to know (in a post) how LONG at a time they tend to last alone in a room.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Not very long. He'll play by himself frequently, but he's usually in the same room I am. Between him and puppy, I've got permanent shadows where ever I go.

ETA: he's 4 btw.


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## emnic77 (Sep 12, 2009)

5 minutes tops. He's 5. He plays toys by himself for a good solid hour often, but someone has to be in the room with him. He needs an audience.


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## akwifeandmomma (Aug 13, 2005)

My 4 y/o is almost never alone. But he and his big brother (7) spend a ton of time, alone, together, kwim?


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## Holiztic (Oct 10, 2005)

I figured siblings would be a major factor in this!


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## mizzoh (Sep 9, 2008)

ds ( 4) is rarely alone. he may go into another room by himself for 5 min or so but 98% of the time he is in the same room as me or dh


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## wookie (Dec 12, 2008)

My 4.5yo, if he`s playing with his animal figurines (that are his most imp. companions) and gets really engrossed in his pretend game can play alone in a room for abour half hr. ig i am in the room, an hour sometimes!


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## greenemami (Nov 1, 2007)

My 3 will frequently play by herself-she loves to play dolls especially. I voted 1-1.5 hours, but this is split up into anywhere between 10 min and 30 min. chunks throughout the day. I should add that our house is really tiny, so even if she is technically alone in a room, she is still only a few feet away, lol.


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## Grace and Granola (Oct 15, 2005)

At first I was thinking not very much. I have two boys 3 and 4, so there is not much time during the day where they are not together. BUT, they both have quiet time/nap where they have to stay in their room and either nap or play quietly. So, that could be an hour and a half if they choose not to sleep. Plus it's pretty much the same at bedtime. If they're not tired, they can read/play quietly....lately, that has been about an hour and a half too!

But I voted for one hour, because that's a regular occurrence in our house.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

We have an only. She has always been fine with playing alone and it may *be* related to being an only. There are times that she wants to be with us, but also is OK with alone time. She's now 8 and sometimes when she can't go outside, she likes to just be in her room reading... and she'll do that from 9 to 5, taking a break only to eat. Sometimes *I'll* be the one that gets lonely and ask her to come out and "play".







That usually means play some cards or help with dinner or bake some bread together or something else. ETA: I voted 2+ hrs. and that time has just gotten longer as she's gotten older.


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## Mama2Bug (Feb 18, 2005)

My 5 year old DD will play with herself for very long periods of time- up to two hours, I'd say. There are a lot of factors that contribute to that, I'm sure. For one thing, she's an only child and home schooled, so she isn't used to constant playmates. I am a SAHM but I have an etsy store that takes up quite a bit of my free time. I will play with her some each day but she knows not to expect my constant attention. It's just been this way since she was tiny so she's very good at entertaining herself. She wanders in and out of wherever I am to ask questions, show me a drawing, ask for help with a fiddly dolly dress or ask if I will play a game in a little while- so I guess she isn't totally isolated or anything, but she doesn't expect me to entertain her.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Oops, I voted wrong. Even though I read it I missed the part where there could be no person of any age in the room. I was thinking more like w/o parents or adults entertaining them. Initially I voted over 2 hours, but he has a sibling and they are always together. So that would take it down to pretty much never. Our house is like 900 square feet and there are 5 of us, the older two share a room. I don't know if it is even POSSIBLE for him to be completely alone in any section of the house







Unless maybe the other 4 people in the family are gone. Which would be illegal.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I voted 1.5-2 hours, but I don't really know. He plays outside by himeslf all the time - my older two aren't as interested in playing in the yard. He will also grab a book and go sit on his bed and look through it, or get out his blocks and build in the playroom. He is with his sibs a lot, but he can hang on his own, too. Then there's also the time spent sneaking around doing the things he's not supposed to be doing







.

DS will be 5 in September.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

They generally split up and pursue their own interests for maybe 1/2 an hour to an hour each day (usually this means one wakes up earlier than the other in the morning and manages not to wake up the sleeping sib). Time spent playing with each other rather than requiring a parent's immediate presence is probably more like 4-6 hours a day now. They're 4 and 5 years old.


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## ThisCat (Jun 19, 2010)

No sleeping, no tv, no brother, no me, or no dad would leave the time she is in the bathroom and even then it's not a safe bet she's alone.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Mine is older now. But, at that age, she'd spend a couple of hours in her room alone. Or in the kitchen playing with something at the table. She also had free run of the backyard, so she'd disappear out there for a while.

I'd say she'd last for 30 minutes, to two hours playing alone.

(oh.. she'd spend an hour in the bathroom playing with "makeup" or making messes in the tub by herself)


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## jeteaa (Jan 23, 2007)

we have a small house w/ a open floor plan. Unless you want to play in the bathroom, you are basically always "in the same room". Also, my 2 dc ages 3 and 5 LOVE to play together..... my oldest will occasionally ask for alone time, but its rare.


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

Mine is five, and I said 30-60 minutes. But, that's certainly not every day. Sometimes she's really happy to play in her room for an hour, sometimes she just wants to be with me...

She loves Polly Pockets and can play very happily with them for extended amounts of time.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

DD1 (turns 4 next month) will happily play alone for an hour at a time. She doesn't often get this chance, though, since she's one of four kids. My 5.5 year old DS1 doesn't like to play alone, though he will for about 45 minutes or so. Even my 23 month old DD2 will go up to their room and sit down and "read" books by herself for 30 minutes.

I think (with my kids, at least) the fact that they have siblings and are around them almost constantly makes my girls crave some alone time. DS1 is extremely extroverted and prefers constant companionship.


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## Daffodil (Aug 30, 2003)

My 4.5 year old hates to do anything alone. He will sometimes spend a chunk of time doing something on the computer by himself, and will sometimes play or build something by himself. Occasionally he might spend as long as 30 minutes or even more doing something like that, but that's not common. He usually wants his sister or a parent to be doing an activity with him, and will refuse to do it alone even if it's something he really wants to do and could do by himself. Instead he'll just yell and cry and absolutely refuse all suggestions that he just go ahead and do the thing himself. When he can't get someone to do what he wants, he'll often choose to just sit on the sofa and sulk rather than play by himself.


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## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

I voted 30-59 mins, but only because he has 'rest hour' in his room and usually doesn't sleep. This is not something he would choose to do on his own but I insist. Otherwise, he won't even let me leave the room to pee on my own.


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## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

I voted over 2 hours a day but that will change soon since my 4.5 yr. old is starting K in August. But during the school year, he was alone for most of the school day and for half his weekends (my oldest goes to his dads). He had preschool 3 half-days a week and usually one playdate a week but otherwise would play by himself in his room, read a book, or play outside alone until his brother got home. Currently my oldest has been on vacation with his dad for 2 weeks (back in a couple days) so he's been spending lots of time alone, inside or out. He does play with the neighbor kids a lot and we go do stuff, but at home he is usually doing something by himself (although he's been watching too much TV because of the World Cup).
I'd say he plays by himself for about half an hour at a time, sometimes longer if he gets into a puzzle or something.


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

Not very much since it is summer and the oldest is home, but normally (lately at least) the 15 minutes it takes to nurse his little sister down for nap, and the time it takes to hang a load of clothes on the line when his sister is sleeping.

He is great at playing alone, when given the opportunity. When I sit in the window and read (listening for the littlest to wake so we can join him) he plays in the dirt with cars for sometimes the whole 2 hr nap.

I don't think dd2 will ever get to this point though lol.

DD1 was great at it but I think that is because she was a only child for so long.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

At 3...hmm, I don't remember, but probably about half an hour. She learned to read right before age 5, and that made a huge difference. I would say we've topped out at about an hour and a half? She sits and draws without needing anything from me for long periods, but I'm often right nearby, like in the kitchen. But she is quiet and not needing stuff.

I am big on encouraging independent play. From a very young age, I "fade out" when I see the child is playing happily. DS is 2 and will play by himself (though I am usuaully nearby, though not engaged with him) for easily 15-20 minutes.

ETA: Oh, I misread. TOTAL time? I'm sure it was at least an hour a day for my oldest at 3. It's probably an hour a day for DS now. If DD is home all day (she's 6) I would say 2 hours a day for her.


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## PatchChild (Sep 1, 2006)

DS just turned three and is a pretty independent little kid, always has been. I'm a firm believer in letting kids entertain themselves, right from the start, and I think that helped. DS will happily play by himself for anywhere from 5-60 minutes at a time, many times over the day. Funny, he'll be super quiet and playful after dinner ebcause he knows it's bedtime. He seems to hope that if he's quiet, I'll forget to put him to bed.


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## ecoteat (Mar 3, 2006)

DD is four and will play for 30+ minutes at a time alone. Sometimes she's content by herself for well over an hour. She goes outside alone to play, too--we live on 80 acres and have a well-defined area that she is free to explore.


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## crowcaw (Jan 16, 2009)

I voted less than 30 minutes but my 4.5 yo's are twins and they're always together. They will do things quietly by themselves for quite awhile, but they're almost always in the same space. Very occassionally one will take a book and go and sit in a corner by herself for a long time, but it doesn't happen more than once a week. I don't know if they didn't have each other how willing they would be to be by themselves.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

My 5yo would come home from half day kindergarten and spend up to two hours by himself, doing legos, listening to books on tape.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

I would have to say pretty much zero. My boys are 3-7 in age, and share a bedroom, share toys, share naptime, share playtime...

The only circumstances I can think of would be if my 3 yo fell asleep at rest time and the older boys left him to sleep when they got up. Or occasionally my 5 yo comes for a "cuddle" and after 40 minutes of him jumping around on me and chattering I ask him to go play in the living room until his brothers wake up. That lasts maybe 15 minutes or so and doesn't happen every day.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Well, I have a 14-month-old, so it's hard because she walks between the 3.5 and me in our small apartment. I would say an hour maximum, when baby is napping if I am working at that time. She's usually playing.


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## greenmamapagan (Jan 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emnic77* 
5 minutes tops. He's 5. He plays toys by himself for a good solid hour often, but someone has to be in the room with him. He needs an audience.










Completely alone & no visual entertainment so reading eggs or watching ballet doesn't count? Less than 30 minutes a day.
Add in alone in the playroom with her brother (with me looking in every few minutes) and the total would be more like 1.5 hours.


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## lucysmom (Oct 17, 2004)

DD (nearly 6) is an only child. She will spend long stretches with toys narrating elaborate scenarios. Not sure she would say she is alone ...

There is literally a constant stream of talking, usually in script form (various entities speaking their parts). They are usually quite courteous and solicitous of one another









It's going on right now & I always get a huge charge out of it. Sure, she loves TV and videos and watches too much, but is really just as happy to do this. It is the one reason I don't feel terrible about the large number of toys she has amassed -- she actively deploys them in these scenarios, all of them, in a sort of rotation.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

It depends on her mood for the day but not much. Usually she is either with me or with her little sister playing. Maybe 30 minutes but usually not even that. Its perfectly fine with me by the way, her being alone spells trouble, she always gets into something.


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## p.s (May 27, 2005)

anywhere from 30 min to 1.5 h, the far end being the rare times that ds2 sleeps in (as in ... past 5:30), so ds1 will get up and play by himself downstairs. During the day when they're both up, they're constantly together.... alternatively playing together.... or in each other's hair.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

I wanted to vote for both "under 30 minutes" and "more than 2 hours"









I've got a 3 yo and a 5 yo, and they go to daycare together, and at home they are usually doing something together. Even if they are doing different things, it is often in the same room. So I would have to say under 30 minutes.

But occasionally my 5 yo asks for some space and time alone (meaning away from his little sister but also away from us), and would be happy to do this for more than 2 hours if he has a big project he is working on. And my DD will often draw for extended periods by herself and just ignore the rest of us.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

DD will play by herself for little spurts pretty well but she really prefers to be in the same room, whether I'm working or cleaning or whatever. Very occasionally she'll go into her bedroom alone and hang out for 10 minutes, max.


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## frugalmum (Nov 5, 2009)

I have 7 children-- my 4 year old is almost always around one of her siblings but occasionally will hole up in her own room, or in the play room, to be alone. Maybe about an hour a day.

She spends a lot of hours not under my direct supervision, however. Probably 4 hours a day I don't know exactly where she is, but her older siblings are keeping an eye on her (we live in a huge house, so without security cameras, I couldn't keep track of everyone every second!).


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I have three in that age range. DD1 spends quite a bit of time alone. She's 5, and she can read, so she spends some time every day reading, and likes to be alone to do it. Plus, she sometimes just goes and sits on her bed and plays quietly, or she'll be alone at the dining room table doing projects, and stuff like that. On days she's not at school, it might be as much as three hours a day.

The twins are 3. They spend a lot of time alone with each other, but not so much with each of them completely alone, just because they are always together. But there are periods during the day, especially when DD1 is at school, when one will play upstairs and one down, for instance. I would guess at least an hour on an average day, and probably more. But together, and away from me, it has to be at least three hours a day.

I've always strongly encouraged them to spend time alone, and to play away from me.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Probably not even 20 minutes a day. He's always following a sibling somewhere.


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## mcohee (Jun 25, 2014)

*2 year old*

I have a 2 year old. Usually when I get home from work I lay her down for a nap. But lately she hasn't wanted a nap. I also go to school online so often I will put her in her room with the TV on so I can clean up the house or do homework. My house is tiny so I can see in there from the living room. Also, If she is in her room I know she is not getting into things she is not supposed to. If she isn't in her room she seems to find EVERYTHING in the house. I feel like I do not spend enough time with her. I rarely go in her room to play with her but I do try to lay down and watch a movie with her a few times a week. And her grandparents watch her while I am at work and give her constant attention. What are your thoughts? I work from 7 am - 4pm, by the time she wakes up from a nap its dinner time, bath time, time with daddy when he gets home, and then bedtime not long after. She watched T.V. in her room at night and often plays before falling asleep.


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## doopamama (Sep 23, 2008)

I have a 4.5 and 6.5 yo. We own and operate a small livestock and veggie farm and while they'll often go along with us and harvest or work in the veggies or help or "help" or just tag along with various chores they very very often are kind of on their own. Sometimes together, sometimes on their own. We found that it's pretty necessary to enforce some alone or quiet apart time on them whether it's chill time in different rooms in the mid-afternoon (akin to naptime but that's rather a dirty word around here unless you're over the age of 7) or split them up among available adults. (grandma and grandpa live and work with us also so it's 4 grownups to 2 (soon three) munchkins)

When they aren't helping or "helping" they're often down by the creek catching frogs or just playing (shallow, tiny creek! no worries! Papa and I have both been trained lifeguards so we already know all those risks of drowning in inches of water...). Sometimes they're climbing trees (I wish they wouldn't climb the old orchard trees but i'll admit they're perfect for it) or riding bikes and sometimes i'll find one playing on her own quietly in one place or napping and the younger one playing with a posse of stuffies/dollies/toys/etc and singing her own narrative.

it also varies from day to day. sometimes the younger one simply MUST shadow someone (grownups are best because she usually drives her sister nuts these days) ALL DAY LONG. Sometimes I'll not see them from the time they get up until the time the sun goes down (except for needing food of course). With the oldest, when she was little, we definitely encouraged her to play on her own (whether we were in the room or not) as much as possible for our own sanity. with the younger one being #2 and so close in age to #1 , she was rarely alone until big sister started half-day kindergarten this last year. Took her a while to get used to NOT having sister around and big sister often NEEDED some alone time after school, especially at first, since she'd had to be around 27 other kids all morning.

I feel so lucky that we have a life and place that allows them to have such a childhood. I sure hope they realize how special it is someday! (even if they never thank us for it!)


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