# Are pacifiers Bad?



## LaLa (Nov 18, 2001)

We never used one with Bean at all, but I offered one to Bella once and she took it like she has always had one! AND she slept better then she has ever slept before, so now I am starting to wonder if this may be a good thing? But it seems to easy and I'm wondering if there is some negative to using a pacifier that I may not be aware of? Let's hear it mamas!


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## Chelly2003 (Jan 5, 2003)

My son is 3 1/2 and still has his









I've always worked and feel the little comfort his binkie can give him is worth its weight in GOLD and DIAMONDS.....

Chelly


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## OhMel (Oct 16, 2002)

We tried giving ds one early on to see if it would curb his need to suck our fingers off. He liked it, but still preferred a nice clean pinky, so would only get the pacifier occasionally.

Around 6 weeks or so my MIL watched him and she had it in his mouth for the whole time we were gone. This combined with some EBM via a bottle earlier in the weekend resulted in some nipple confusion. He refused to open his mouth to nurse. We got over it in a few days, but I banned the pacifer after that.

However just in the last couple of weeks he has started to really like it. This also corresponds to his first teeth (he's now six months old.) Not only does he suck on it but he likes to take it out and chew on it.

I didn't want him to have a pacifer, and I definitely offer alternatives, but it does give him comfort. That said, I hope it goes away after his teething pain is over.

I would say, if you're not using it as a crutch, don't worry!


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## khrisday (Mar 18, 2002)

It's a subject of ongoing controversy, as are many parenting choices. There has been research on both sides of the dental issue (ie some "proving" it has negative affect on teeth alignment later, and some "proving" that it doesn't affect teeth alignment later), so that's a pretty mute point. Personally, I think that some kids just need to oral stimulation, and if mom can't have the child at breast 24 hours a day (and who can?) for several years, then a pacifier can be a really helpful soothing device. I had one pacifier baby, and one thumb sucker, and nothing I did could change that.


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## moonshine (Dec 5, 2002)

I originally did not want to use a pacifer for DD. We really fought it for a while, but after she was constantly sucking on one of our pinkies, we decided to give it a try. We didn't buy the right one at first, but she got the hang of it and it has proven to be quite benefial in soothing her sometimes.

Lately she has gotten to the stage where she quite often refuses it and gets rightly mad when you try to give it to her and it isn't what she is wanting. Weaning herself from it?

I would still prefer that it wasn't necessary, but since she isn't the type to take it all the time and all day long like some babies I know, I take it as it comes. It is great for when we are out, on public transit in particular, to keep her happy and not fussing or screaming.


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## dotcommama (Dec 30, 2001)

I wouldn't say all babies should have a pacifier, but for some it's a really helpful tool. My first ds had such a need to suck that I just could not keep up with only my breasts - especially since I went back to work and my dh had to comfort him while I was working. The paci was a godsend and he used it (only for naps and nighttime, until age 3). DS#2 was a much more mellow child and didn't require that constant sucking and so we never used a paci for him.

I think they can be overused - i.e. parent doesn't pay attention to what the child really needs and just constantly plugs them up to keep them quiet - but I think if you are an AP parent who really listens to your child's needs then you'll know when a paci is okay for calming extra sucking needs and when your child really needs to be held or nursed.


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## BensMom (May 4, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by dotcommama_
*
I think they can be overused - i.e. parent doesn't pay attention to what the child really needs and just constantly plugs them up to keep them quiet - but I think if you are an AP parent who really listens to your child's needs then you'll know when a paci is okay for calming extra sucking needs and when your child really needs to be held or nursed.*
ITA! If it is just part of your arsenal of ways to calm your child, then fine. But too many people I know use it as a plug. Baby falls down and starts crying, stick the paci in their mouth. Baby is sick of sitting in carseat carrier (not in car), bouncy, etc, just stick the paci in their mouth.

So I chose "other".

FTR, I did try to give DS a paci after some of those early nursing marathons and he would never take one. Some people suggested I should just force it in and hold it. Whatever. As a toddler, he occassionaly finds an old paci and plays with it, but thats it.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Well here are my thoughts. Get out your stones.

I think the majority of people who use pacifiers are lazy in their parenting and just want to plug the kid up. I do think they are bad in that sense. I also think it is incredibly horrible to see toddlers with them in their mouth. They are a source for germs, they are displeasing to the eye, they are not good for the teeth -- I could go on. When I see a pacifier in a childs mouth over the age of 18 months I cant help but think the parents are really lazy in several areas, one is hygiene for their child and two discipline. Little children look ugly with those plugs in their mouths and its not a good thing to form an attachment too.
I used a pacifier with my middle child for five months and weaned him off it. He didnt need it anymore, and rather than sucking it was biting it. I never even attempted to use one with my youngest.
Children with a strong need to suck I can understand using the pacifier, sparingly, but I cant help but frown upon a mother or father who lets their baby go around with a pacifier in their mouth like it is a part of their wardrobe. Its just plain gross.

:::dawning on flame suit:::


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## dotcommama (Dec 30, 2001)

OnTheFence - don't worry, I'm not going to flame you. I do think your opinion is a bit harsh though, but I would have said the same thing before having my ds - that paci users were lazy parents and that a child should not have one after age 1 or so. Raising DS #1 was and still is a _HUGE_ life lesson for me.

However, if you think about it most of us here agree that breastfeeding is fine to continue way past the age of one, therefore the need to suck must still there - so why not use a paci if you are not breastfeeding or cannot breastfeed as often as the child needs to suck? Maybe it's not a sign of lazy parenting, but a sign of a parent who cares about the needs of their child (just another way to look at it).

I still have to admit that I hate seeing older children (2+) in say the grocery store with a paci and trying to talk with it in their mouth. We always made my ds remove his paci to talk and as I said when he was a toddler it was for naps and nighttime only - he didn't walk around with it all day long.

Again, I think it can be used as a tool for lazy parents or it can be used to help a child whose need to suck is so strong it cannot be satisfied by boob alone. Especially in LaLa's situation where we are talking about an infant - I think that is a perfectly legitimate way to use a paci.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

Well here are my thoughts. Get out your stones
heres the first rock. you dont know me or my child. do not forget that you are not perfect. I am not lazy. if you didnt want to start a flame war, then you could have put your position on the subject in a lot more diplomatic way. to do broad generalization is just not fair. a woman here at MDC can breastfeed a 6 yr old and get support, but a mom cant give her child a pacifier?

my first child did not take a pacifier. my second child used one when he napped and at night. i never saw him with it in his mouth unless he was in bed. my third child had a tremendous need to suck and i just couldnt have him on my breast 24/7. my nipples were cracked and bleeding as it was. he loved his pacifier. i think it comes down to each individual child.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Great thread! I voted with the majority of not BAD but I prefer not to use one. Sequoia never had one, and Dylan at 7 weeks has found her fingers and loves to suck on them, I probably won't offer them to her either. I do know alot of "lazy paci moms" KWIM. BUT I do agree with the point that an AP parent is usually so intune with her child's needs that she won't use it as a substitute for comfort or whatever the child is lacking. So, use sparingly if at all!


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## LaLa (Nov 18, 2001)

before everyone starts getting upset, let's remember that we are just expressing our opinions and hopefully learning from each other.

And sometimes we just won't agree, but that is life!

I guess I'm just hoping that we can be respectful and try to even be nice in the face of disagreement.

Looking at the numbers above, it looks like the majority of Mothering members so far do not think it is a bad thing to use a pacifier in a non neglectful manner, and I doubt any of us "ap" mamas are neglecting our babies








so let's not get too hot headed! I know you are all great mamas and papas!


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

Sweetbaby3, ITA - OnTheFence, you should walk a mile (or two, or ten, or a hundred) in other people's shoes before you presume to judge them. I was not going to give my baby a pacifier at all, until he ended up in the NICU after he was born, with IVs blowing out left and right until he ended up with bruises in all four limbs and a head IV (that also blew out). The nurses gave him a binky, and it gave him comfort, and I was damn glad that something could comfort him through that horrendous time, especially the (few) hours I couldn't be there (including when they put IVs in).

Since then, he's gone through times of needing it and times of not needing it. I don't think it's any grosser or germier than having his thumb in his mouth - both end up on the floor, but I wash the pacifier once it's been on the floor whereas with my soon-to-be crawling baby it's not like I'm washing his hands every 10 seconds.

Typical experience for the majority of parents? Maybe not. Are pacifiers an unqualifed good or evil? No. As in every situation there are extremes of the spectrum and then shades of grey in between.


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## kater07 (Jan 6, 2002)

.


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

Nothing like coming to MDC to get my daily dose of "you are a terrible parent". Wonder why I took a break?

I won't defend my pacifier use here. I just want to say that it is posts like the one above that lead to me holding myself to some impossible standards and lead me into ppd. (I do recognize that the majority don't feel this way, but it is funny how the negative posts stick with you.)

I exclusively nurse twins on demand, cosleep, sling them and hold them whenever possible, as well as shower them with love and attention. I cosleep and shower ds with love and attention as well. But I recognize that there are people out there that think that is not enough. I am a lazy mom for using pacifiers especially ones that hang off their clothes (so they don't fall on the floor when they decide they don't want them anymore). I am neglectful for using pumkin seats or swings. I am selfish for using disposables at night. Sigh...

I woke up thinking I was a pretty good mom, but thanks for the wake up call. I'll go pick up that antidepressant script now.


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## joesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

jane, wow. hug your sweet boy for me!

i swore i would never use a pacifier, thought the moms who did were lazy, etc. all the stereotypes that have been posted here. i was very judgmental, to the point of assuming a child, esp. an older child, was neglected if he used a paci.

then joe was born. HA! he was colicky for the first 6 wks of life. nothing would calm him down. in desperation, i got out the binky.

he would NOT take it! aargh!

i feel bad for the women who say their child will NEVER take a binky. my son is four & just weaned. a lot of the negative things being said here about pacifiers would have been said about me on a mainstream board if i posted a poll about nursing a three year old.

if seeing a three-year old nursing makes you smile, so should seeing a three-year old using a pacifier. as long as it isn't just stuck in her mouth willy nilly, it could be a great tool for overcoming the stressful times of toddlerhood. (just like nursing.)

i never thought i would post in a poll in SUPPORT of pacifiers, but there you go! let's embrace each other & realize that while the choices we make are right for us, every mother has the right to parent how she chooses.

when no more children are being neglected, abandoned, abused, THEN we can worry about getting rid of all the binks!


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

they don't snuggle, they dump their babies off to CIO. THey are also the ones who don't enjoy their infants
Kater, please do not imply that because my third child had a pacifier that i did not snuggle, that i left him to CIO and did not enjoy my infant.

no one can tell me they enjoyed their baby more than me. I adore my kids, and my third is a dream come true.


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## mum22dd's (Oct 12, 2002)

I voted bad, for lazy parents...I voted that 'cause my older dd has one, and it's my biggest regret! When she was 3 months with colic dh convinced me to use one on her. Now she's almost 2 and a half and uses it for sleeping. I think that when she used it during the day it repressed a lot of her emotions, and they came out when I limited it to night use. I think pacifiers stiffle emotions that need to be vented.
edited to add that I was being lazy, my case was not a case of total necessity. But I can understand how moms of twins and other more demanding situations use pacifiers, and it is definitely not the same as my case of being a bit lazy.


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by joesmom_
*if seeing a three-year old nursing makes you smile, so should seeing a three-year old using a pacifier. as long as it isn't just stuck in her mouth willy nilly, it could be a great tool for overcoming the stressful times of toddlerhood. (just like nursing.)

i never thought i would post in a poll in SUPPORT of pacifiers, but there you go! let's embrace each other & realize that while the choices we make are right for us, every mother has the right to parent how she chooses.

when no more children are being neglected, abandoned, abused, THEN we can worry about getting rid of all the binks!*
A big round of applause for joesmom! Joe's a lucky boy to have such a smart momma!


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

I woke up thinking I was a pretty good mom, but thanks for the wake up call.
I know the feeling. call the mommy police...oh wait, they are right here!!







:
joesmom, i feel the same way. well said, and spoken from a mom who has "been there, done that".


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## kater07 (Jan 6, 2002)

I have a skewed view of LOTS of stuff b/c my son was so very sick and the nurses weren't as nice as baby nurses should be. I am an idealist, not a realist, so I hold myself and others to a VERY high standard, and sometimes, that's not a good thing.

When I think about Pacis, I see a mean nurse, shoving one down my son's throat and making him puke up what little food he was allowed to eat. I see him struggling to get out from behind a heavy stuffed animal that is wedged in front of his mouth so the paci won't fall out, so he can spit out the paci. I hear him squealing behind the paci trying to get it out of his mouth.

I also hear my dear friend's newborn making cute baby noises and trying to see what's around her only to have her mom shove a paci in her mouth to "shut her up" (her words, not mine) because "she's making too much noise" even though she was only making cute baby noise.

Now, I have said that I don't have experience with a baby NEEDING one. That's not to say they don't.

Tell me, would you rather hear your baby's voice and enteract with the new baby noises or shove a paci in so she can't coo? Would you rather your sick infant hold down the 1/2 oz of food he's allowed and get the nutrients and possibly be allowed to eat from the breast or have a paci shoved in so that he pukes up the 1/2 oz and isn't allowed to eat from the breast for another whole day?

In *my* experience, Pacis have been used evilly. In yours, they may be a godsend or as one mom said, worth their weight in gold and diamonds.


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## Czen:) (Jul 31, 2002)

Wow, after all these years of thinking I was a loving, hard working mom I find out I'm actually lazy. Thanks for the judgement.


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## joesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by laralou_
*A big round of applause for joesmom! Joe's a lucky boy to have such a smart momma!*
right back at ya, lara! you are a great mommy!


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## kater07 (Jan 6, 2002)

.


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## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

Our 1st ds wanted to suck suck suck suck suck.. I could not sleep with the not eating bf he wanted.. It made me want to drop him or throw him or something.. IT was an ICKY feelling to me.. So we tried the paci.. (sucker as we called it) and it worked.. Sometimes he didn't want to bf he wanted his sucker.. I would try bf-ing 1st that wasn't what he wanted.. So we gave him what he did want.. His sucker..

Do some people use them instead of feeding thier kids.. Yah.. BUt again, if you happy to see a kid comforted by being held and nursed by his mom, what's wrong with seeing a kid being comforted by his mom by being held with a pacifier when that's what they want..

Warm Squishies...

Dyan


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

I guess what bugs me is those people who judge the mother of a baby with a pacie without getting to know her or who judge me for the pacie pic in my photo page in my sig addy.

If you want to think I am a lazy mom, then come to my house and spend a week with me. If, after that week, you still think I am lazy, then you'll be entitled to your judgement, kwim?

But I mean it about the impossible standards. It is mean to make mothers feel "less than" for using a pacifier. I hope no one who thinks moms who use pacies are lazy ever has twins cause eating your words leaves a terrible taste in your mouth.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Laralou,


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## tessamami (Mar 11, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by kater07_
*When I think about Pacis, I see a mean nurse, shoving one down my son's throat and making him puke up what little food he was allowed to eat. I see him struggling to get out from behind a heavy stuffed animal that is wedged in front of his mouth so the paci won't fall out, so he can spit out the paci. I hear him squealing behind the paci trying to get it out of his mouth.

I also hear my dear friend's newborn making cute baby noises and trying to see what's around her only to have her mom shove a paci in her mouth to "shut her up" (her words, not mine) because "she's making too much noise" even though she was only making cute baby noise.

. . .your sick infant hold down the 1/2 oz of food he's allowed and get the nutrients and possibly be allowed to eat from the breast or have a paci shoved in so that he pukes up the 1/2 oz and isn't allowed to eat from the breast for another whole day?

In *my* experience, Pacis have been used evilly. In yours, they may be a godsend or as one mom said, worth their weight in gold and diamonds.*
Hugs to you. I'm so sorry you had this experience.


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## Raven67 (Apr 20, 2002)

I would be concerned about introducing a neonate to the pacifier because it has been shown to negatively impact breastfeeding. Seems better to just wait a couple of months and see if you can get by without it. With that said, who the heck cares if a baby grooves on his pacifier? Some of the anti-paci comments here are a bit harsh. If we are "offended" by the sight of a toddler with a pacifier, it is because we are so brainwashed by the huge push for independence in Western culture. Live an let live. Also, please don't be quick to judge older children with pacifiers. I have worked with families of special needs kids who used pacifiers through the preschool years. If it helps to soothe the child, why not? It sure beats candy and gum. And, it does not necessarily mean the child is being neglected, or the parent is lazy.


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## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

this thread scares me!

Ok- We used a paci for the first three months. Goo decided to give it up when she found her thumb (her new best friend).

Kater07- I understand your frustration with pacis and your anger. I am sorry you had such a bad experience.

And anyone who thinks pacifiers are for the lazy, I would remind y'all to stop and think if you have never done anything with your child that was for your convience, not theirs! I would like to award the metal of honor for anyone who can honestly say that they have never done something that wasn't for their sake, not their child's. We all do our best and that is the truth. Judgement is not needed here.


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## Mere (Oct 1, 2002)

We started giving dd a paci around 6 months to see if it would help her sleep. Lo and behold it did, and we've never looked back. We all get a good night's sleep and the paci gives dd comfort. She only gets it at night and during naps, and occasionally other times such as weddings (LOL!) and airplane trips







.

This system works very well for us. If anyone thinks I'm lazy or what not, well, I really don't care! I do agree with other posters though about the danger of pacifiers being overused.


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## DeChRi (Apr 19, 2002)

I also thought they were for lazy parents, but then I had my daughter. She didn't use a paci for the first 4 months, but instead nursed 20 minutes out of every hour 24/7. Then she went through some freak nursing thing where she would not nurse, despite her hunger, until she was nearly asleep or waking. The doctor, LLL leader, LC had no idea what was going on. She would get hungry and scream, not latch on and not latch on and I would walk and she would scream. Then when she was nearly asleep, she would latch on and nurse for an hour. After 3 weeks of her screaming 5-6 hours a day, we bought a binky. It calmed her enough to make her instantly doze and nurse. Whatever was causing this freak nursing thing ended 4 weeks after the binky entered the picture. She also slept MUCH better at night. She still has it (she is 3) but only at bedtime. We are in the process of encouraging her to ditch it, but with no stress. She has collected them all and left some for the binky fairy, planted one with some of her flower seeds, and other various things. She is wearing out her one left now. I agree with most of the sentiment here that most attached parents are very conscience of their children's needs and don't use it as a "shut up" tool. Just my 2 cents.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

dd got a paci when she was just a couple hours old and she loved it...she likes to suck for hours at a time, and when she is sucking on my breast she just lets milk drip out of the corners of her mouth making a huge mess whens he isn't hungry. So she gets a paci when she starts doing that and she is happy. She takes it out of her mouth to "talk" and then puts it back in herself when she has "said" what she wants to "say". We only give it to her when she wants to suck and doesn't want food, which we find out by offering her the breast. But we never take it away from her if she already has it, it is her favorite toy and she loves to pass it from hand to hand and put it in and out of her mouth.


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## HeatherSanders (Jul 20, 2002)

Emelie didn't take one - loved to talk - didn't have a need to suck beyond feeding.

Meredith took one - weaned herself of it at 4 months.

Kenny - we didn't offer initially - but after draining my breasts and him still wanting to suckle on something (with my finger making him mad and my nipples sore - b/c I swear he likes to 'gum-it') . . . we started to give him one when he's settling to sleep (unless he falls asleep at the breast). He doesn't seem to need it regularly.

Never as a 'plug,' per se. His cries all mean something - so not in response to a cry (need to hear it to know what he needs). Just for that suck reflex that often can't be sated otherwise.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

We Ekblads love our pacies!








My almost 5 year old still has one!







My 6 year old sucks her thumb so how can we tell the 5 yo no to the paci? That's a little unfair! Dd2's paci is me. I wish it wasn't some days!

Anyway, like everything else, I think use in moderation is fine. Over use is the problem.

Laralou -







You're an awesome mom!


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## Chanley (Nov 19, 2001)

When I make parenting decisions, I try to go with my gut. I KNOW when I am doing something to be selfish and ungiving of my time and attention ("oh sure honey we can watch this video and I can do BLANK") Sometimes this is necessary (like for bathing) and other times I am being "lazy". My conscience kicks in and lets me know "what is AP".

Ariadne had some food allergies that took us a couple of months to completely figure out.Those months were shear hell, the screaming and crying was awful.

I tried a pacifier with her. She took it for about a week. We left it in the car for about 2 weeks during a really cold spell in the middle of winter. She would not take one after that. REfused it, so I threw it away.

Was I being neglectful by giving her a paci? Absolutely not. This was the child that was worn in a sling, co-slept and exclusively breastfed. Her mommy stayed with her 24/7 and she was never left alone to do her crying. Her screams were made while in my arms even through the most nasty colicky moments where I wanted to just curl up and die from the pain and noise.

Every child is different. I think some are naturally more oral than others. You would be doing her a disservice by NOT giving her a paci if that is what consoled her when she did not want to nurse. Baby refuses to nurse and is exclusively breastfed, loves pacifier. Hmm... I would not think twice about it. She gets lotsa loving from her family.


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## mags&jordy (Jan 8, 2003)

I don't see us surviving without one...
Our problem is that Jordy got used to an European brand and will not take anything else and we have to have them send...
Pretty inconvenient...


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## momatheart23 (May 25, 2002)

A pacifier is like any parenting tool, fine in moderation, yet can be used "badly" if for the wrong reason. I feel it is judgemental and hurtful to criticize another fellow mother for soothing her child with a binky. As a mother you have to look at what is best for your baby, and for some it is a pacifier. Before I had my son, I was against them, until my son taught me otherwise. He was in the NICU, and I had nursed him and was rocking him. He starrted screaming. I tried nursing him more, and he got mad. I swaddled him, and he kept crying. One of the nurses said, I think he wants to suck for comfort so we tried a binky reluctantly, and he drifter happily off to sleep. My son used one then on until he weaned himself at 10 months. He only wanted it to go to sleep, never when he was awake. That is just what he wanted. All babies are different and unique. They know what they want and need, so any mother that is intune with that and responds to that is doing an awesome job. Sending love to all those incredible moms out there. Know that you are doing your best, and don't let any false ideal of the "perfect" parent weigh you down, there is no such thing. All we can do is the best we can with what we know.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by dotcommama_
*OnTheFence - don't worry, I'm not going to flame you. I do think your opinion is a bit harsh though, but I would have said the same thing before having my ds - that paci users were lazy parents and that a child should not have one after age 1 or so. Raising DS #1 was and still is a HUGE life lesson for me.

However, if you think about it most of us here agree that breastfeeding is fine to continue way past the age of one, therefore the need to suck must still there - so why not use a paci if you are not breastfeeding or cannot breastfeed as often as the child needs to suck? Maybe it's not a sign of lazy parenting, but a sign of a parent who cares about the needs of their child (just another way to look at it).

*
Getting on my head gear.
I do not see paci use as meeting the childs need like breastfeeding. I think a peice a plastic is not something they should form attachment too. Breastfeeding for comfort involves a live human being and is different. I dont think children really past a year to 18 months really have a sucking need to fulfill either, and nothing I have read suggest that. The need to suck is in the infant stage not toddler stage. I just believe that if you want your child to form an attachment to something besides you, you should find something else other than a plug that goes in their mouth.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Jane_
*Sweetbaby3, ITA - OnTheFence, you should walk a mile (or two, or ten, or a hundred) in other people's shoes before you presume to judge them. I was not going to give my baby a pacifier at all, until he ended up in the NICU after he was born, with IVs blowing out left and right until he ended up with bruises in all four limbs and a head IV (that also blew out). The nurses gave him a binky, and it gave him comfort, and I was damn glad that something could comfort him through that horrendous time, especially the (few) hours I couldn't be there (including when they put IVs in).

*
I dont think I listed situation like yours as one to deem lazy last time I reread my original post. I also said some babies need them that need to suck. Please read my post first before throwing stones and see if it applied to you.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by OnTheFence_
*Getting on my head gear.
I do not see paci use as meeting the childs need like breastfeeding. I think a peice a plastic is not something they should form attachment too. Breastfeeding for comfort involves a live human being and is different. I dont think children really past a year to 18 months really have a sucking need to fulfill either, and nothing I have read suggest that. The need to suck is in the infant stage not toddler stage. I just believe that if you want your child to form an attachment to something besides you, you should find something else other than a plug that goes in their mouth.*
What if the CHILD chooses to use the paci? I mean, I know I must not be AP and everything. Never mind that I wear my babies constantly, am a SAHM, homeschool, cloth diaper, use gentle discipline and the family bed. I guess I've been a parent too long to really care what others think of my choices but I do think it's a bit judgemenatl and harsh to judge a persons whole parenting style on whether or not they use something like a paci. JMHO.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Well i am not going to try and defend my post or posting style. Last I checked I didnt list anyone here or site any specific problems as lazy, I used general terms and I did post what I felt was exceptions to lazy parenting and the use of a paci. I used one with my middle child, but it was in moderation. Though I have read a few posts that have lead me to believe that some are not using a paci in moderation and have actually used in a not so good way, I have not pointed any of those out, nor would I.
I do think those posters who have gotten offended and defensive maybe need to either reread my original post, see if it really applies to them, let it go or go take a hard look at themselves for the real reason they got so upset.


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## imakebelieve (May 5, 2002)

I think that they can interfere with breastfeeding if introduced too early. We used one for a short time. I would slip it in after he had fallen asleep at night, so I could get up and get ready for bed or have a little time before the night of marathon nursing. Otherwise he would wake up as soon as I took him off. Is delatched a word? Anyhow, we used it then and a few times when I wasn't home for a short appointment or something. We lost it on vacation and just never replaced it. The one time of night was the only time we used it. Though, he did use one when he came home from the NICU, it was used to strengthen his sucking reflex or some such nonsense. I hated it, I never felt it was clean enough. My mom and mil kept popping one in his mouth every chance they got.

I do hate to see them in 4 -5 year olds. Though, someone made a point that it's okay for a 4-5 year old to nurse, so why not. If they need that, then they do, for comfort or whatever.

Is there a study on whether kids who use pacifiers past a certain age have language delays? No flaming here, I'm jsut wondering. Because I often see older children with them in the middle of the day and wonder how much they talk or are talked to.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

Aah, just defending my choices. I think that's allowed. I do get defensive when my parenting style is attacked.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by ekblad7_
*What if the CHILD chooses to use the paci? I mean, I know I must not be AP and everything. Never mind that I wear my babies constantly, am a SAHM, homeschool, cloth diaper, use gentle discipline and the family bed. I guess I've been a parent too long to really care what others think of my choices but I do think it's a bit judgemenatl and harsh to judge a persons whole parenting style on whether or not they use something like a paci. JMHO.*
Who makes the first choice to put the paci in the childs mouth? The parent. I do not make a judgement on the whole parent based on paci use. Not sure where that came from. I just think it can be a form of lazy parenting. I've been called harsh before, thats okay, I am think skinned like a gator.








Also, we all here make judgements upon other people's parenting so I hope not everyone is saying "oh look at that onthefence momma, she is so judgemental". Judgement is judging women who formula feed, dont cloth diaper, let the baby CIO, etc. Most everyone here frowns upon that, and by goddess, if someone elects to have an epidural or a csection lets crucify them.
I was just joining the conversation, adding my very opinionated two cents, more than willing to bat at stones today, but lets be real and keep this on the adult level it should be. I am no more judgemental or harsh than the next person, I am just more blunt.


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## momatheart23 (May 25, 2002)

Must be nice to be such a "perfect" parent, hate to be around when the bubble bursts. I know how the best way for me to parent is, but I would never tell anyone what the best way for them is.l


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## Alstrameria (Sep 8, 2002)

I said good for some babies, like mine. She was also in the NICU and the nurses gave her a soose despite me asking not to. So, it was kind of out of my hands and she really seemed to derive comfort from it. From the beginning we established that it was for sleep or travelling, as I was concerned about the hygeine issue. Although seeing some of the things she's put in her mouth so far I'm not sure it's a concern







. However, we sterilize them regularly, so everybody's happy.

Next time though, I don't want a soother - I'd prefer the thumb. I've personally consulted an oral surgeon and a speech pathologist about this issue and that's my decision based on their input. But I really mean this when I say - to each their own.

Many many things make up a fabulous momma, each little piece is just that, a little piece.

Jen


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## peggy (Nov 19, 2001)

Good Grief!!!
Ladies, we are ALL loving Mama's here. We are ALL making the choices we think are best for our families.
If a pacifier is the right thing for your baby..awesome!! You are doing the right thing. If you feel a pacifier is not right for your baby..terrific..you are doing the right thing.
The problem comes when what we believe is right for us should be that way for everyone. How can we know what is best for someone else's family?
As AP parents we are "judged" all the time by family and friends who think we're hippy freaks, that we are spoiling our children..blah..blah..blah..
After experiencing that "judging" first hand, I would never presume to judge another Mama.

Please continue this discussion but keep in mind that LaLa was looking for your personal experience with paci's. No more sweeping generalizations please.


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

Thanks, peggy!

I want to add that I don't know of any studies supporting that pacies cause speech delays or problems. My ds sucked one until he was very old and is a very articulate child.

I worked in the communications field for many many years and one of the tricks used to teach both children and adults to enunciate is to have them speak with either marbles or a pencil in their mouths. IMO the pacie served the same way with ds. He speaks very clearly in contrast to his cousin who was never allowed a pacie at all and has real speech difficulties at the same age.

I am not saying that you have to suck a pacie to speak clearly. There are many factors (genetic, environmental, etc.) that go into that. I am just making the point that sucking a pacie into and past toddlerhood isn't going to necessarily do your child any harm in his or her ability to speak clearly.

As for children with pacies not speaking because they aren't spoken to, that is not because of the pacies. That is because the moms, for whatever reason, don't talk to their child. If sucking a pacie delayed speech, then billions of American children wouldn't talk for years. Most kids either take it out or talk around it.

So LaLa, I am saying, if it works for you, go ahead. I didn't vote but I think it is a helpful tool to meet your childrens needs when it is not being abused. I know that you are a great momma and wouldn't abuse it so don't worry about a little judicious pacie use.


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## Quaniliaz (Oct 11, 2002)

Great question, Lala.

I was pretty adamently opposed to using a pacifier when my dd was born. Many things that I had read said that pacifiers were good when mom wasn't available for comfort nursing. OK - well, I was available... My boobs were ready for comforting. Anyways, as has happened to all of us, my baby was born.

We did have a pacifier for the car, since she hates it, and that helped a bit - but didn't use it at any other time. Around 4 wks (otherwise known as "the week from hell") when myself, df, and mom were passing dd back and forth as she screamed at us, my mom gave her the pacifier - she stopped screaming. A fluke, right?? It worked the next night, too. I still didn't want to give her the pacifier!! I was still here for comfort nursing!!! I realized *then* that it would have been *selfish* for me to *not* give her the pacifier. The pacifier (or sucking) was what she needed to feel better (she was having issues with dairy I was eating - which we figured out a week or two later).

I've realized that some babies need to suck - and boobs don't cut it. Sometimes they don't want to eat. My dd nurses for about 10 minutes at a time, tops...she just doesn't nurse enough to have her sucking needs, fulfilled, I think. I would *love* for her to just need *me* but I can't shut the milk off. We also use fingers, but with a screaming baby - its hard to wash your hands, cut your nails, etc. A lot of the time, a pacifer is the cleanest thing around...

My dd is never just left somewhere with a pacifier in her mouth (other than when we are driving somewhere) she is always being held when she has the pacifier. There are definately ways that you can use a pacifier that do not interfere with attachment.

a few more points -

someone said something about neonates should not have pacifiers because of nipple confusion - I think that is definately a concern. I have a thought about premies - many have an oral aversion because of tubes being stuck down their throat - could a pacifier help establish a positive sucking experience - and therefore encourage eating via breast/bottle. A massage of tongue/lips would probably be best, but aside from that, a pacifier might help.

Katie Granju discussues pacifier use in Attachment Parenting "Pacifiers may serve a useful role in attachment parenting a bottle-fed baby because bottle-feeding doesn't allow for comfort sucking, a basic human need in the early years." (p. 37) I think this concept can certainly be extened to breastfed babies. Also, note the use of the word "yearS" as opposed to "year".

3rd and final point (about time, right?







) I was talking to a chiropractor the other day who suggested that a lot of the children you see sucking their thumbs when they are 4/5/6, whatever (I don't remember his exact words...) have issues with their cranial plates (that's probably not the right terminology, but you kwim?) being out of place. (And what else can move your noggin around, but sucking!) So - that can probably be helped by sucking on a pacifier as well (my hypothesis, not his).

Sooo...the conclusion is that I think pacifiers are great for those who need it!!


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## chellemarie (Jan 17, 2003)

Wowza. I don't have time to read all the posts and I don't know that I want to, either. lol

Back on track:

I'm super anti-binky. I think one has to be very careful to listen to baby and avoid the urge to pacify rather than meet a need.

I swore I wasn't going to use any of the three pacifiers I was given for this baby. No way, no how.

He's a comfort sucker and I can tell when he's nursing for comfort rather than food. Most of the time I can just let him keep on sucking no matter what he's doing it for. However, he gets the binky when I have to tend to an older sibling or we have to go somewhere and he doesn't want to be in his carseat.

He's been trying to suck on his thumbs since birth and with a little help from me, he got his thumb in his mouth yesterday. woohoo! But he's still trying to curl his fingers around anything that touches his hand so it'll be a bit yet before he can pop the thumb in his mouth if he wants.

Why do I want him to find his thumb? If he wants it, he can suck on it. I'm not making the decision for him. Neither can older siblings, daddy, extended family and strangers. But I'm not going to let him scream and be uncomfortable when he wants to comfort suck and I just can't let him have a breast...which will be often when I return to work in a few weeks. I hope he's found his thumb by then if he needs it. A pacifier is just one more thing to keep track of. With three kids and work, I don't need it. A thumb is "handier". HA! A pun.


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## LaLa (Nov 18, 2001)

well, for anyone who was intersted in an update, we are using the pacifier when all else fails.

She eats and then gets very angry when I offer her the breast (which is probably because she's full and doesn't want me shoving more food in her face) so those late night very fussy moments and in the car when I am driving are her pacifier times and she is happy with that arrangement.

Thanks for all your ideas and input ladies


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## momatheart23 (May 25, 2002)

I have heard from multiple sources and witnessed in my niece that it is alot easier to get a child to give up sucking a paci, yet not so with a thumb. My seven year old niece still sucks her thumb. A pacifier can be taken away, yet a thumb is always available. I have heard more comments on extended thumb sucking causing teeth problem. Just another thing to consider in whether to choose a paci or thumb.


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## Mere (Oct 1, 2002)

My 3.5 year old nephew, who did use a pacifier (not all the time, but not just at night either) recently went to the dentist for the first time; the dentist told my SIL he was starting to see some malformation of the teeth and jaw due to my nephew's binky habit. While dd uses a binky at night, it did make me think...


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## vein (Mar 7, 2003)

I was anti-pacifier for a long time. When we saw the ultrasound @ about 28 weeks and Gavin was making sucking motions the whole time then, we knew he would want to suck a lot after he was born, but I was still adamant about no pacifiers.

I think it was the 4th day that I broke down and had my mom (who was staying with us for a week after his birth) go buy a pacifier. He would comfort suck literally for hours, try to shove his tiny fist into his mouth while screaming the entire time, and would just about suck our fingers off when we offered him one. He would suck so forecefully (and want to suck so often) that he actually had a spot in his mouth rubbed raw.

With the pacifier, he would still occasionally comfort suck on me, but after he was finished eating, he'd actually seem happier with it, able to look around than just looking at my chest. Now, he's 10 weeks tomorrow and likes his pacifier at certain times - during diaper changes (which he hates with a passion), when he's full but is starting to get sleepy, and when he's in the co-sleeper drifting off to sleep. (He spits it out when he no longer wants it, usually after 5-10 minutes or so)

I find it much more pleasant to look at a toddler with a pacifier (I hate the names some people give it, tho - I cringe when my MIL constantly refers to it as his "buddy" when we're over there) than one with a bottle of either fruit juice or coke (which I've seen more than a few times and wanted to yell at the stupid parent).

For some, I'm sure it does cause problems when introduced at a young age, but, for us, it was right. And unlike some parents, I don't see formula or not breastfeeding until at least 1.5 years an option, so if there were any problems with latch because of it, I'd work them out with a LC, no just immediately quit. I do think, however, that the warnings about women breastfeeding less because of early introduction to pacifiers are simply because many who do use them aren't willing to explore other options to comfort the child FIRST, then resort to the pacifier - those same parents are likely to find some reason to quit breastfeeding early rather than sticking it out.

FWIW, I was a thumb sucker until the age of 6 or 7, when I finally had to have some sort of dental appliance installed to make me stop sucking it. (Gee, wonder where Gavin gets it from? hehe) I had no dental problems and never needed braces unlike my non-thumb sucking brother.

Just my 2 pence.


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## indiegirl (Apr 15, 2002)

Grrr I hate deleted posts. I feel like I can't follow the arguement!

Jesse


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## chellemarie (Jan 17, 2003)

My 5yo DD sucks her thumb. You can see how her teeth have been affected. I don't know how our children would have escaped the orthodontist, anyway. Not a biggie.

She stopped sucking it as much when she started preschool. We also started encouraging her to save it for nighttime only about a year ago. That works. If she's sucking her thumb I ask her if she wants a drink or I say, "It's not dark outside." She pops it right out. She does it absentmindedly and usually only when watching tv or being read to.

It's true I can't take away her thumb. I imagine that'd be rather traumatic. I can't imagine she'd be happy if a pacifier she was used to just wasn't there one day, either.


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## HeatherSanders (Jul 20, 2002)

My parents didn't use a pacifier - mom said I came out sucking my thumb. I cannot tell you how hard a habit that was for them to break me of. I will never forget the band-aids, the hot sauce, the 'over the counter nasty tasting' stuff - nothing worked.

My dad told me in 5th grade (yep, I was a 5th grader that sucked her thumb at night when going to sleep) that if I didn't stop he would tell everyone on the loudspeaker at school.

Mean, eh?

Anyway, I stopped. Cold turkey.

Then, I started playing with my hair and battled that.

Oh, and in 5th grade I could stick 2 quarters between my front teeth they stuck out like that 'wascally-wabbit' - Bugs Bunny.
However, no braces - ever . . . they came together.

And that was just a bunch of rambling, but I will agree that a pacifier is easier to get rid of than a thumb. And if my Kenny sucked on my nipple like he attacks that pacifier . . . OUCH!

It would be a 'drain' in more ways than one.


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by chellemarie_
*I can't imagine she'd be happy if a pacifier she was used to just wasn't there one day, either.*
This is why I didn't make ds give his up until the dentist said so. He was old enough at that point that he was able to grieve the loss of his comfort source and move on. He was a brave boy that day.

We actually tried to give it up sooner. He left it for the Easter Bunny one year. Then he went to his day care and found out his best friend still had his. Boy was he mad at the Easter Bunny, so I had to get on the phone and demand that the EB bring his pacie back. It was on our doorstep within the hour.


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## LaLa (Nov 18, 2001)

:binky


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## Chelly2003 (Jan 5, 2003)

OH I love it

:binky




























:bf


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## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

La La!

I think judicial use of the pacifier is fine. Remember that YOU are the parent and only you and your partner can make the right choices for your child!


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

I don't like them and choose not to use them, but I would like to point out to everybody who thinks they are "evil" that if you are NOT breastfeeding, what the heck are you supposed to do to meet your child's sucking needs?

I do have concerns about the effect of prolonged paci use on teeth and jaw development, but like all parenting tools, there is moderation and there is excess. And yes, early paci introduction has been linked to latching problems.

But I think what is most important of all is not the tool itself but the thought behind it. I think what frustrates us is when parents "just do that" without any real thought behind it. I think that it is apparent here that people DO put thought into using such things, and take care to ensure it is not overused (as with swings and exersaucers and all those other "neglect-o-matics" <insert sarcastic smile here>). Ultimately, we are all interested in doing our research, thinking the matter over, and deciding what works best for our families. And nobody is better qualified to do that than the families themselves.

I'd also like to thank you all for opening my mind: I have always thought that older children with paci's in their mouth looked terrible, and I felt something must be lacking in the parenting department. But of course I never thought that if a child can nurse well into the toddler years then it makes sense a child whose mother is not nursing that long (or at all) would still have sucking needs.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

Good grief, I'm tired of seeing good loving mamas get judgemental hooey. We are all here because we love our children and believe that responding to our children's needs is the best parenting. AP is not about whether or not you use a binky or a swing or a stroller. It's about getting in tune with your child and making choices that work for your family. And that just might be a pacifier. Or a crib. Or a bouncy seat. Heck, it might even be a bouncy seat that vibrates! OMG!

My babe was a lot like vein's. Sucking his thumb in utero, a big time comfort sucker out of the womb. We had a binky within two weeks, and I regret waiting that long (we struggled and struggled with not wanting to use one, when it clearly would have given both of us relief).

I never say never anymore, since my little guy has helped me cross item after item off my 'never' list...


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## Czen:) (Jul 31, 2002)

I've been thinking about this thread the last few days. It seems to me that some people think giving a baby a pacifier "turns them off". That you don't have to deal with the baby anymore and that therefore is lazy parenting. I'm a mom of 2 babies who love the soother. However, I have never had either of them stop demanding my attention just because they have the pacifier in their mouth. They still want to be held, loved, read to, and paid attention to.
My 17 mounth old only gets her pacifier to sleep or travel but I catch her almost every day trying to scale her dresser to get the pacifier. If she does manage somehow, she still continues her regular play/interactions with the family, just happily sucking away while she does this.
Obviously, she loves to suck. How in the world does this translate into lazy parenting. I just don't understand!
I also think it would be ignoring her obvious need not to give it to her.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

But of course I never thought that if a child can nurse well into the toddler years then it makes sense a child whose mother is not nursing that long (or at all) would still have sucking needs.
Piglet!! that is so true. i could understand some moms not wanting/liking pacifiers. however, if a 4 yr old, a 3 yr old, and even 6 yr olds can nurse (and its not for nutrition at 6, and if it was then why not a cup?), why cant my son use his binky in the car or a naptime, kwim? why is his binky "evil"? or am i evil for not nursing my 4 yr old? maybe thats what they are really trying to say, that i am the bad guy for not nursing for years and years. that i am not meeting my childs emotional needs, because at 3 yrs old, he self soothes in the car with a binky instead of me offering my breast?

every child, every mom is different.


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## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

This was one of those threads that I knew would get hairy as soon as I saw the title...I always stay out of these for a couple of days.

I personally would prefer not to use pacifiers, and never did with my dd, but I would never, ever say that a parent who does use them is lazy! The reason I don't like them is because they just seem to be one more thing to "wean" a child from, and in some cases they can have a negative impact on health, speech, and teeth. But if a child has a strong need to suck, then by all means, a parent should try a paci! And Piglet's comment about FF babies makes so much sense - I mean, sure, I could comfort-nurse my dd, but it's not like a FF baby can get a bottle every time she needs to suck. And of course, there are many moms who do not want their baby latched on 24/7, and sheesh, that's fine, isn't it?

I think that those "lazy parents" who shove the paci into the baby's mouth every time she moves or makes a sound, using it to "turn the baby off" as someone else said, are lazy parents PERIOD, and it has nothing to do with the paci. Because those same parents, if they had no paci, would just put on the vibrating seat (I had one of those, by the way!) or the tv or stick the kid in the swing, or whatever. It's not the pacifier that's the problem.

There have been threads like this about swings, bouncy seats, even strollers. They're all the same. Like any kind of baby "equipment," there is a use for everything, but unfortunately lots of people who take advantage of these tools and neglect their babies by overusing them. And if there was no equipment to use, those parents would just leave them crying in their cribs. So don't blame the gadgets. And don't judge a parent just because a baby has a binky!!!!


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## tabitha (Sep 10, 2002)

i agree with Piglet, i think it's really obvious that babies who aren 't nursed still have sucking needs.

i am very comfortable, though, saying "never."

my babies will *never* have pacifiers. i have had a few conversations where other moms have taken my decision to say "never" as a judgement- really its just a personal decision. i'm not saying they shouldn't use them, i just know i never will. high sucking needs babies existed before the invention of pacifiers, i know i can do without one whatever sort of baby i end up with.

i only have one baby, and so i can't really know where he is on the scale of sucking needs- i have no way to compare him. he is exclusively breastfed, now beginning solids, never has had a pacifier.

i think it's great if you feel good retracting your "nevers", adapting your parenting style to your child.

maybe i have certain "nevers" i would retract... none really come to mind, as i tend to only say never when i really mean it. but even if there were a few i wouldn't say "never say never". i think making strong decisions is important.

if i end up with a very needy sucker next time, i imagine i'll just nurse him/her 24/7. they way i see it, there is a reason the baby wants to suck so much at the breast. i don't subscribe to the "comfort sucking" vs. "nutritive sucking" dissection of nursing . a baby knows what he/she needs. i'm there to follow the baby's lead.

it doesn't mean i think it's bad not to do what i would do. like i said it's a personal parenting choice.

tabitha


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## sozobe (Aug 5, 2002)

My dd was a champion nurser from the get-go. I was so happy. Then when we were getting her all ready to leave the hospital and go home, she was WAY upset, we tried everything, nothing worked, the nurse (without asking, but hey, she's a nurse, right, she knows what she's doing, we're clueless new parents) plonked in a binky.

Blessed silence. Whew.

Drove home, got out the baby, brought her inside, settled down to nurse -- no go. Just couldn't.

That started one of the top 10 worst 24-hour periods I've experienced. She was HUNGRY, she wanted milk, I had milk, I wanted her to nurse, but she'd plumb forgotten. (Nipple confusion.)

So, that was the last of the binkies around here, once we got that figured out. We had some (gifts), and she plays with them, but she's never _used_ them. I'm generally happy about that, while recognizing that there are situations in which they are needed.

One thing that has often confused me on MDC, though, is the occasionally overwhelming emphasis on support. I mean, that's very very nice, and very very needed, and often called for. But at the same time, if I had posted here that my daughter hated to brush her teeth, so I didn't force the issue, and got a chorus of "Of course, you're being a good mom, don't worry about it"s, I'd be REALLY MAD, or at least disappointed in the advice I got, when I took her to the dentist and found 7 cavities. I come to MDC not only for support but for _information_.

Ideally, these can coexist -- supportive, diplomatically dispensed, accurate information -- but it disturbs me that there seems to be a vibe towards support at all costs.

Just my 2 cents.


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

I think there is a difference, at least to me, between someone saying, I don't use them and here is why, and someone who says, they are awful and only lazy parents use them. KWIM? One is informative; the other is insulting.

Like my grandma used to say, you don't have to agree, you just have to be nice.


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## dotcommama (Dec 30, 2001)

laralou









Exactly - one can disagree politely.

Lala is asking for opinions, not support, and so it is completely wthin reason that one should post and say they don't feel a paci is a good choice and here is why. . ., but there is a difference between saying that and saying unequivocally anyone who uses a paci with their child is a lazy/bad/neglectful parent. KWIM?


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## sozobe (Aug 5, 2002)

I do... but it wasn't unequivocal. (There were several equivocations in onthefence's first and subsequent posts.)

I completely agree that it could have been done more politely, but I've also seen this when it WAS done quite politely. There was a discussion of what to do about worms, and someone posted information on the damage that an untreated case of worms can do in a very even-handed, respectful way, and was given the "we're here to support each other" thing.

Just a general trend I've noticed which I don't think is entirely beneficial.


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## Shanny (Sep 4, 2002)

We started out not wanting to use a pacy, but I could not breast feed because we were adopting. Our son was in foster care and I did not feel comfortable trying to do that. Anyway, I read that babies that take a bottle instead of breastfeeding actually may have a desire to suck more even after the bottle emptied. So we purchased some paci's and have not looked back.

My son loves his paci and it soothes him when he feels he needs comforting. Just like a breast fed child who will go to mom when they are hurt and want to nurse.

I think all of us are trying to raise our children to be happy content adults. Should someone who uses formula be judged as not as good a mom as someone who breastfed? I don't think so. We have to do what we think makes us better parents. I know some people who loved breast feeding and others who hated it. To each his own!

Shannon


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## Rollermommy (Jul 1, 2002)

I really don't get all the hostility in this thread. I think we all make the best decisions we can based on our personal situation and the information we have to work with. I used a paci with my first 2 and sometimes they were a blessing, like in the car, but most of the time I hated seeing my kids with it in their mouths, not too mention the times they would get lost (everyday) and dh and I would crawl around the house frantically searching for it while trying to console a screaming child. I used it because I thought that's what you were suppose to do. But I used them like a lazy parent would. So this time, and because I have the time to do so, I decided not to use them with dd and to nurse her (which I do constantly) to satisfy her sucking needs. I know that not all parent have time to do that. As for how I feel about what other parents do, really, I could care less. They are doing what they need to do as am I. Who am I to cast stones? And for what reason should I? I hope in the future we can be supportive of each other and respectful of differing opinons. It is VERY disheartening to get on here and see this much hostility


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## peggy (Nov 19, 2001)

For the record: I did not say you must show only support for pacifier users on this thread. I said LaLa was looking for your _personal_ experiences with the pacifier, and that I didn't think it was right to make sweeping generalizations one way or the other.









peggy


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## sozobe (Aug 5, 2002)

Gotcha. But, I mean, the title of this is "are pacifiers bad?" Is it so surprising that someone would say "yes"?

Anyway, no biggie.


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## peggy (Nov 19, 2001)

I know what you mean. I'm sure LaLa wanted to hear both sides of the issue. My point was that if we feel they aren't right for our baby it doesn't mean they are wrong for everyone...and if we think they work great for our baby we shouldn't say all babies need one..


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## *~*SewHappyNow*~* (Sep 25, 2002)

Wow some harsh judging of others parenting decisions on this thread. Whoever said living up to some of the standards around here is depressing wasn't kidding.

dd is only 12 days old, but her need to suck was pretty upsetting the first 4 days of her life. I had no milk until the evening of her 3rd day and she was sucking and sucking and it hurt so bad, once for nearly 3 hours straight her 2nd day. I couldn't satisfy her need to suck through the pain, nor did I have any milk to satisfy her hunger. She cried and cried. I cried and cired. I got so upset I called the nurse to take her away because I was so upset and I felt like a failure.

So against my previous wishes I end up giving her an ounce of formula twice and a pacifier in the hospital. Sucking on my fingers didn't work, it just made her more upset that her needs weren't met.

I did what I did, because she had needs that needed to be met. and what good did it do for me to loose my mind and get all upset trying to live up to some impossible standards?

Thhings are going much better. We put her paci away for now. Maybe when I go back to work she just mught need it, since dad can't BF, of course. Wearing her in a sling is satisfying some comfort needs too. She needs to suck much less often now.

I think I did the best I could granted the circumstances. I look back now and know I'm not a bad mommy, despite how badly I felt at the time. I was trying to live up to some impossible ideal, rather than trying to meet my childs immediate needs.


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## Quaniliaz (Oct 11, 2002)

Congratulations on your new baby, Lea.

I had the same guilt for giving my baby the pacifier, then guilt that I had kept it from her, when it clearly made her feel so much better.

I'm glad you are working to meet both your needs and those of your new baby!


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## Jude's Mama (Nov 30, 2002)

I vowed I'd never use one but...........I ended up giving in. My nipples were so sore they needed a break!!! So my DS gets a pacifier and he still uses me as well!!! But now I'm not as sore!!!!


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Jude's Mama_
*I So my DS gets a pacifier and he still uses me as well!!!*
that is when you know you aren't abusing it, when they still nurse for comfort


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## OhMel (Oct 16, 2002)

Just an update (my post is way back on page 1 before the discussion got 'interesting). . .

after 3 weeks of unhappy baby (1st tooth, 2nd tooth, and unhappy belly) the pacifier is no longer of interest. If it seems like he's not feeling well he will readily accept it, but in general is not craving it. He's also started to vocalize more (mama, dada) so I think having something in his mouth is not as interesting as testing his voice.


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

I was 100%, totally against pacifiers....... until DD.
When I was pregnant and still nightnursing her in the family bed, here's how it went:
She'd fuss, I'd pop a boob in her mouth... she'd nurse herself back to sleep, I'd stay awake for the next hour, feeling like my bladder was going to explode but not wanting to get out of bed and wake her... I'd finally go pee, get back in bed, she was awake again, I'd put the boob back in..... uh-oh, gonna go throw up... wait, wait, wait... not totally asleep yet... crawl out of bed, throw up, oops!, the wrenching woke her up..... nurse back to sleep.... oh God, I have to pee again...
It would go on like this ALL NIGHT LONG. I had a full time job to go to in the morning. I was probably running off of two or three hours sleep, MAX. Add in constant nausea, vomiting, and keeping up with an almost two year old and I was ready for the mental ward. Not even joking.
So I nightweaned her onto the pacifier, then moved her to a futon upstairs where she could sleep with her dad.
The binky fairy came recently and took all the binkies away, and they gave them to babies that needed them. The fairies left a special treat for DD. I will not hesitate to use binkies if and when I nightwean DS, who is now 10 months old. Worked like a charm


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## chellemarie (Jan 17, 2003)

I have to update, as well. I found that I needed the binky for this baby at times other than tending to other children or getting him in the detested carseat.

When he wanted it.

See, he's been trying to suck his fingers since birth but he sucks and then his arm pulls them away and he gets very upset. He hadn't made the connection yet.

I noticed that my usually very good nurser didn't always want to nurse. Sort of. He DID want to nurse, but he'd pull back a little (nipple still firmly in his mouth) and let the milk dribble out. Suck, suck, suck..pull and dribble. Over and over. He'd fuss, too. Whimper and whine. He wasn't getting what he wanted.

So I tried the pacifier. It worked.

Three or four nights ago I woke up to find him sucking and smacking at his fist. His arm was leaving it at his face for a longer period of time and remembered where to put it when he fussed for it. LOL Today he spat the binky out and started in on the fist. We're *almost* there. Woohoo!

Soon I'll be able to throw away the binkies and then my older children won't be able to plug up the baby whenever mom looks away. *L* They're so helpful!


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## dandelions2 (Feb 18, 2003)

I used a pacifier with my daughter for the first 3 months mainly because I was so timid about nursing in public and it was a way to make her last a little longer in between nursing, so that maybe I could make it home first and not be worried about trying to latch her on in front of people. After I got comfy with nursing though, I got rid of it and just nursed her whenever she wanted and she never missed it. I just got rid of all the pacis I bought since I don't plan on ever using them again. I like to be a human pacifier.









Patti


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

I hate them. My 2 y.o. uses one at night and I don't think he'll ever sleep w/o it. BUT, I know we trained him to do that b/c he doesn't use one at daycare for naps.

my 5 mos. old doesn't use one and I think we may make it w/o.

I guess maybe, bottomline, it depends ont he child's personality. #2 doesn't need it, but his big bro. did.


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## galadriel (Jan 21, 2003)

Can I just ask, how long does it take babies to learn to suck their thumbs, and why on earth wouldn't you rather suck your thumb than a piece of plastic? I'm not judging pro-paci folks, I just don't understand. I sucked my thumb until I was 10 or something and I don't think I have any teeth problems. I loved it! And I self-weaned from it, which seems so much kinder than the whole hot sauce thing or whatever, which just seems kind of mean, almost like putting hot sauce on your nipples to wean your kid from the breast!


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## dotcommama (Dec 30, 2001)

Ubertulip - it usually takes an infant several months before they have enough motor control to coordinate the thumb in the mouth when they want to.


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## isaacsmom (Mar 28, 2003)

Post deleted due to a violation of the user guidelines. ~ Beth


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## chellemarie (Jan 17, 2003)

isaacsmom...

I'm pretty sure it wasn't dotcommama who said those things.

I thought dotcommama was acting as a bridge between the pro and anti. I could be a twit, though. LOL I know I'm too lazy to read every word of the thread one more time.


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## dotcommama (Dec 30, 2001)

Wow talk about a case of mistaken identity!









isaacsmom - I think your boulder was meant for someone else. Please re-read my posts. However you might also want to keep in mind that it is no nicer to call someone a narrow minded twit then to call someone a lazy parent - KWIM? We should all be careful not to judge one another and state our opinions without personal attacks.


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## tabitha (Sep 10, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by isaacsmom_
*...well I wish I had a boulder handy to throw at you...
*
i try to keep in nonviolent on the boards, you know, whether i agree or disagree.

i'm one of your twits, isaacsmom, though i chose not to post my opinions outright.

i'm also a first time mom, who goes with her mothering instincts and needs no constant reassurance. i mention this because i hope people out there know that being a first time mom does not always = needing constant reassurance, just as being a second time mom doesn't always mean you know it all.

i am sure i make/ will continue to make little mistakes, but i feel good about all of my decisions, each made on my own, including my decsion not to use artificial nipples.

if i didn't feel 100% good about the decsion, i would question if it is the right one, ykwim? that's how i operate.

anyway, i didn't even vote on the poll, i know this is a sensitive subject on the boards and have made the mistake of posting my opinions on the matter in earnest before, and that time people had plenty of boulders handy for me. what a cruel and archaic metaphor.

tabitha


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

Wow. Must be nice to feel 100% good about all your parenting choices, Tabitha! I certainly don't, and I doubt I am unusual. Life is uncertain, complex and challenging, and parenting is one crazy winding road. All of my parenting decisions are thought out and based on my gut, my instincts and sometimes research, and still are uncertain much of the time. Maybe I'm just not as smart as you.

ubertulip: Jackson could suck his thumb pretty early, but chose not to. But he loved his binky for sleep and the car for a few months... ??


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

I also feel 100% about my parenting choice to allow a few of my kids to have a paci. I think it all depends on the child and the parent. It's definately a personal choice. I honestly don't think there's a right or wrong here. Just a whatever's best for your family thing!


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## galadriel (Jan 21, 2003)

dotcommomma & tara-- thanks for answering my question. It must be so frustrating sometimes to be an infant!


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## alexa07 (Mar 27, 2003)

Ok guys has anyone noticed that only 12% or so of people were saying paci's were bad. There always will be some very judgmental people. But mostly everone here (almost 90%) were not judgmental.

This was not a matter where I could be judged. My first DD would not take a paci and my second could not (she was born with a shortened freunulm which did not allow her sufficient sucking power to keep a paci in, (she was able to BF, Thank God.)


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## Chelly2003 (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Ubertulip_
*Can I just ask, how long does it take babies to learn to suck their thumbs, and why on earth wouldn't you rather suck your thumb than a piece of plastic? I'm not judging pro-paci folks, I just don't understand. I sucked my thumb until I was 10 or something and I don't think I have any teeth problems.*
The reason I chose a paci in place of the thumb:
You can sterilize a paci if needed.
You can limit the amount its used and when its used.
My son is 3 1/2 and still uses his, I'm not intending to force him to go cold turkey in giving it up, but I will continue to encourage him to use it less and less. He won't have it by the time he's 10.

Chelly


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## galadriel (Jan 21, 2003)

Hey Chelly, you're not making fun of me 'cause I sucked my thumb that long, are you?







:LOL


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

Can I just ask, how long does it take babies to learn to suck their thumbs, and why on earth wouldn't you rather suck your thumb than a piece of plastic? I'm not judging pro-paci folks, I just don't understand. I sucked my thumb until I was 10 or something and I don't think I have any teeth problems.
What I don't get is why a thumb is ok, but a pacie isn't. They are both ways to self soothe when mom's boob isn't available or isn't preferred. I think there are some ways a thumb is preferable but some ways a pacie is preferable.

Assuming you think a thumb is ok, shouldn't a pacie be ok too as long as it isn't being forced into a babies mouth to "shut it up"?

BTW, Tabitha I thought your post was respectful - one of the "I won't do it but I won't say you are bad for doing it" ones. It didn't offend me and I am pretty easy to set off these days. LOL.

Bottom line for me is that I would love it if I could satisfy all my girls sucking needs and believe me I come close judging by the amount of time they spend attached to me. I have just found that I have to make some compromises to my "absolute AP values" to effectively parent my twins and my older child. Too many wants and only one me, kwim? I just try to make the *best* choices I can since perfect isn't an option.

Sunmountain, if you are out there, since you are the official threadkiller, can you pay this one a visit? Let's put it out of its misery!


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## Chelly2003 (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Ubertulip_
*Hey Chelly, you're not making fun of me 'cause I sucked my thumb that long, are you?







:LOL*
:LOL - No (well not really) :LOL

No I am just trying to say its easier to take a paci away than to take the thumb away :LOL


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## alexa07 (Mar 27, 2003)

Oh how true. My sweet DD age 6, sucked her thumb until she was 5. She never used a paci, not because I am against them but because a minor physical problem prevented it.

By the time she was 5 she was upset that she still sucked her thumb. She was a "cool big girl" (she got that idea from her big sister.) DH and I did not care about the thumb sucking AT All, but she kept asking us if we could get her a book to make her stop. (Another mom was talking about a book she used to help DS stop bedwetting at age 7.) When she went to the dentist, the dentist asked me if I had any questions, DD pipes up: "How do I stop suckin my tum" The Dentist said they could talk about it if she wanted (she is really nice and a mom of 5). She and DD talked for 20 minutes and came up with the idea (it was really DD's) of putting socks on DD hands at night. (this is when she sucked.) DD was very adamanent about using socks and would put them on herself. She was able to stop sucking in about 5 weeks.


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## tabitha (Sep 10, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by tara_
*Wow. Must be nice to feel 100% good about all your parenting choices, Tabitha! I certainly don't, and I doubt I am unusual. Life is uncertain, complex and challenging, and parenting is one crazy winding road. All of my parenting decisions are thought out and based on my gut, my instincts and sometimes research, and still are uncertain much of the time. Maybe I'm just not as smart as you.*
I did not say i was usual, or that not feeling sure is unusual. Why cant a person just post their situation? I genuinely feel that there is a large misconception that 1st time moms are usually unsure, or need a lot of guidance, or that moms of more than one don't, and i think both are misconceptions- i was only using myself as an example. i have friends who are also "exceptions" to the "misconception" of 1st timemom=unsure of her decisions, maybe if i had used one of them as an example...?

It is not "nice" or unpleasant to feel strongly and sure about my decisions, it is just the way it is. I would never profess that it is due to intelligence. Every person is different. I did not magically become this way with decisions in pregnancy- i have always desired that should i make a decision, i be comfortable with it. very comfortable. especially when it is very important.

i think everyone is capable of choosing to approach life in this way, should they desire, just as i am likely capable of choosing to operate differently, though i wouldn't as i'm doing fine this way.

i am confident that if i approach every decision with an open heart and mind, and listen to my conscience as well, i will make healthy decisions that are good for me, my baby, and the world- not just on the short-term, but long term. it may sound "cocky" but it is true. and i don't write this to show off or look "smart", it is simply a truth about myself.

i hope, tara, as well as all reading this thread, that my posts are not offensive, since that could only mean that i am offensive as a person, laying myself bare here before you without attitude.

tabitha


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## Jish (Dec 12, 2001)

I understand what you mean, Tabitha. I didn't need guidance and help when I had my first, nor did I want it because most of the help offered was too mainstream for me. I did what worked at the time and didn't feel guilty about my choices. I hate it when moms feel guilty about doing things that work for them or their baby at the time. There is enought to feel guilty about. Feeling guilty about letting a baby use a pacifier is wasted emotion, imho. If you are not forcing a child to suck on a pacifier, and are meeting her needs in every other way, why feel guilty about letting your child use a pacifier?

Lets please get the topic on track and respect our fellow members. It seems to me that this isn't a topic that is deserving of any type of "attack." Let's just give our experiences and opinions and leave it at that.

Thanks,
Beth


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## *~*SewHappyNow*~* (Sep 25, 2002)

I want to add something about my expiriences with pacifiers and being a first time mom.. I'm only 4 weeks into it, but this is what I've learned so far:

You can read, study, make informed choices/decisions, but _sometimes_ its really the child who leads you in one direction or another. I didn't realize that these little people have their own agenda/personality/needs/etc... and sometimes you need to revaluate your opinions.

I was 100% against pacifiers (I thought) before my baby was born. She however has certain needs that I didn't anticipate. I chose pacifiers are good for some kids. If my dd's needs were met easily with just nursing, or she was coordinated enough to suck her fist or thumb that would be what we would do.

Developing an attachment to your child that is strong enough to interpret their needs and meet them as completely as you humanly can in an effective and safe way is what most of us are trying to accomplish I think.

Its important to listen to your instincts as well as listening to your child.


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## Jude's Mama (Nov 30, 2002)

Well put Lea!!!


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## alexa07 (Mar 27, 2003)

I am surprised no one had the same experience as me. Didn't any of you have babies whose need to suck exceeded their need to BF????

My older DD needed to suck all day. I LOVED BF'ing but if she ate more than every hour and a half or so, she would get very colicky and spit up like crazy.

I gave her the pacifier if she had eaten within the past 20 minutes and still wanted to suck.

Anyone else use a paci for this reason???


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

Yes, I absolutely had that experience. My youngest currently sucks his two fingers after he nurses. Some kids just need to suck all of the time!


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## Peppermint (Feb 12, 2003)

Well, we used a paci with dd, and we weaned her from it (cruely-looking back) at almost 2.

I wanted to mention something from my experience. My orthodontist told my mom and I that my teeth were so out of line, b/c I had sucked my thumb, that I had mishappened the roof of my mouth. Well, when dd was born and I was seeing a L.C. for trouble BFing, she couldn't figure out why no matter what she did, it still was hurting me. Finally she said, "do you mind if I feel in her mouth?" So, I was like "OK"







: Anywho, she felt dd's roof of her mouth and said it was very high and narrow, and that my nipple was being "sucked" a long distance so to speak, so the roof of her mouth at a couple of weeks was like mine, so I'm assuming it is just the way our mouths are formed (genetics) my mom's is the same way. I wonder how often the mouth of the child is mishappenes either way, nothing to do with the paci or the thumb? I realize that there must be times that the paci or thumb is to blame, but I know lots of people who needed braces, who never used either thumb or paci.

Anywho, more on topic- I was totally anti-paci before having my dd, and still would like to avoid it, but ds never used one, then starting sucking his thumb at 18 months when he saw his cousin do it









I'd rather do the paci than the thumb, I think, but would obviously prefer to have babes that are totally content with just the breast, it just doesn't always work out that way.


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## DreamerMama (Feb 2, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by laralou_
*What I don't get is why a thumb is ok, but a pacie isn't. They are both ways to self soothe when mom's boob isn't available or isn't preferred. I think there are some ways a thumb is preferable but some ways a pacie is preferable.
*
Yes, ITA. I don't think either is bad. I did, however, want to encourage a paci instead of the thumb with my youngest. (I'm so ducking right now, don't throw anything.) I have an eight year old that still sucks her thumb. Nothing we have said or done has helped her wean. We have set limitations, but of course when no one is watching, in it goes. She's habitual about it. Do they have some kind of AA for thumb sucking? Sorry,







T. Luckily, she doesn't have any teeth or mouth problems at all.

With our last we made a deliberate decision to encourage paci use (if he was a needy sucker), because of my experience with my dd. I say, to each their own. I had one who is a thumb sucker, one who didn't need anything, and one who uses a paci in the middle of the night.







: I couldn't have possibly been lazy with one or the other, I believe that I am pretty consistent in my parenting style. So, it is my best MD diagnosis, that all children are different and all have deifferent needs







. Who knows, maybe the next one will insist on sucking something totally different.

Jenny


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## KayleeZoo (Apr 8, 2003)

Chiming in on a hot topic as a newbie









My 3 yo dd still has her binky- for sleeping only. She was bottle fed from the get go and needed the extra sucking to be soothed. She also had wretched colic and I would have cut off my right arm to stop the pain for her. Her binky helped her to calm down and it was worth every single second she sucked on it. She is very verbally advanced, and has an amazing vocabulary. Sucking on a pacifier hasn't hindered her speech progress at all.

My 5 mo old dd will use it occasionally, and she is ebf. There are times she just doesn't want to nurse- she will scream and spit up if I offer her the breast, but will suck on her binky readily. I am holding her while she is binky-sucking, so she's not missing out on any mama contact. She isn't as suck-needy as her sister, but does want it pretty often. She has also always bf like a champ and has had a binky since she was 2 days old. It hasn't affected her nursing/latch on at all.

I'm surprised to see some of the judging that goes on here, but I guess no online group is void of that.

I'm confident with the decisions I've made for my girls in this area, and that's that.


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## TranscendentalMom (Jun 28, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by tabitha_
*if i end up with a very needy sucker next time, i imagine i'll just nurse him/her 24/7. they way i see it, there is a reason the baby wants to suck so much at the breast. i don't subscribe to the "comfort sucking" vs. "nutritive sucking" dissection of nursing . a baby knows what he/she needs. i'm there to follow the baby's lead.

*
Sister, you've obviously never had a baby with reflux (GER). The more you nurse, the worse it gets, and trust me, if you were in a situation where you're baby was wailing in pain from reflux(stomach acids rise up in their throats) and you could ease their pain with a binky, you would give them one. I would sincerely hope that your principles aren't so zealous that you would let your baby scream in pain over them.

You make a good case but still.....never say never. There are always exceptions.


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## Robinmama (Dec 17, 2001)

I had blood blisters on my nipples.

We got a paci.

DD still uses it to sleep only. She is 3. When she is ready, she will give it up. I will not force her. Waaay back someone commented that older children have pacis because the parents are lax with discipline. My discipline does not involve forcing my darling daughter to give up her dearly treasured paci any more than I would voluntarially toss away my most treasured down pillow that I even pack in my knapsack when I travel. Her teeth are perfect and her vocabulary is excellent. I ask her about giving it up and she says "when I am older."

However if I do have another child, knowing what I know now I would probably try and see what would happen if I stopped using it around 5 or 6 months.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

I had blood blisters on my nipples.
Me too. It was awful. The pacifier saved my breasts and my relationship with my baby.


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## MomOfHeathens (Apr 24, 2003)

kater07- sounds like those nurses need to be shot! How horrible!

Here's my view on pacis- I think it's a baby by baby case. Some babies can't stand the things and others can't stand it without them. All three of my kids have been take it or leave it babies and the oldest two threw the things away themselves by 9 months. My little one now is the same way but since I breastfeed he prefers to nurse for comfort and the bink is really just something he pops in his mouth to bite on.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

sounds like those nurses need to be shot!
Well, I was shot at early friday morning, around 2:30 in the ER where i work.

Nurses do not need to be shot, especially not over a pacifier.

Jo, you might be the proud mom of three heathens, but friday morning about 25 real life heathens descended on the ER after a night of clubbing, and assaults. The shooter shot randomly at the crowd, of which i was a part of, trying to help a desperately hurt young man who had himself been shot. a bystander was hit, and as of today is still on life support.

Normally, when i read posts bashing nurses, i try to look the other way. however, today your post hit me right between the eyes given my night that thursday. All i was doing was my job, and someone took a shot at me and my coworkers. I am most likely being over sensitive, and some will think me melodramatic, but i can tell you that saying a nurse should be shot, really bothers me today, especially because i was shot at.

have a nice day.


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## Stayathomemommy (Jun 7, 2002)

as a soon to be mom i swore i wouldnt use one. but she slept so good when i ended up tryiing it. sleep made me a better mommy when we were up during the day and i only used it for naps and bedtime. at 1 1/2 i cut off the top and gave it to her. she thought it was yucky and threw it away herself. she still sleeps just as great without it but having it during the first year or so helped her develope good sleep habits. and it was great because she would go to sleep anywhere for anyone so it gave dh and i the freedom to take some time for us as a couple and not worry about her babysitter being able to get her down to bed. i remember babysitting other children who where pure hell to put to bed and it was so nice to lay her down and give her a kiss and hug and say goodnight and be done.

i was not neglectful and she was never seen out in public with it. now with twins i have to say they may have it a little more then my first but we will see. i have so much milk that they get full fast but want to suck still and get really mad because they just dont want any more milk.

And personallly i think thumb sucking is far grosser. you cant wein them of that and thumbs are really dirty! thumbs hurt teeth and a lot of pacifiers are more like the breast.

just go by what your baby needs. there is no reason to pass judgement on others decision esspecially on pacifier use. really who cares!


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## MomOfHeathens (Apr 24, 2003)

sweetbaby3- I never meant that the nurses literally should be shot and I'm sorry you took it that way. I just meant that was horrible of them to be the way they were with her. There is only one nurse I wish would be shot and that has nothing to do with the woman being a nurse so I in no way shape or form wish ill on someone like you who is just trying to do her job.

On the reverse side of that, I AM a real life Heathen and want you to know that a "real life heathen" would never even touch a gun much less shoot one or harm another human being so hooligans yes...disgusting examples of humanity yes but heathens no.

I'm honestly sorry you had to deal with something like that sweety. No one has the right to put your life in danger like that. I hope it's not something you have to deal with ever again.


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## sarasprings (Mar 30, 2003)

We also resisted the binkie thing, until ds was in his beyond-colic phase, at about four weeks. He loved it (although he cried, er, communicated for about 8 hours a day). I figured he would be one of those kids who sucked it at 4 yrs, but at about 6 months, he started using it less and less until he gave it up. At about 10 months, he walked around chewing it because he was teething, but that was short lived.


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## nuggetsmom (Aug 7, 2002)

As long as you don't force them on the child, or cause nipple confusion, I see no problem with a pacifier. DD wasn't into it much and she had no nipple confusion at all! She knew there was only one nipple good enough for her. I wished she liked a passy now and then...


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## melixxa (May 20, 2003)

I received a pack of pacifiers at my shower from my SIL, who said, "I don't know how you feel about pacifiers." I said, "I don't know how I feel about them, either."

Truth is, I had an intense love affair with pacifiers till I was 6 years old, at which point probably peer pressure and public humiliation caused me to self-wean. I have always had perfect dental alignment.

I agree that pacifiers look ugly in a child's mouth. That, to me, is the biggest downside.

Not sure what I'll do once my baby is here.


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