# Memorial tattoo?



## yummymummy2hannah

It's been over 2 months now since I lost my son. I have this strong urge to memorialize him by getting a tattoo in honor of him. I have a tattoo on my back that I got as a teen and my DH is really against me getting another one. I feel I need to do this though. I am an artist and I would love to draw a beautiful memorial for him and tattoo it. My DH says just to paint him a picture for that reason, but it doesn't seem nearly the same. Maybe I feel like I need it to be permanent or maybe it should hurt a little or something. I feel like people think I'm crazy for wanting/needing this. Anyone else want or have a memorial tattoo? What kind do/will you have?


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## lunarmagic

I don't have one, but I don't think you're crazy. It's like you said... something about it being permanent and etched into your skin. I can wholeheartedly understand your desire!


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## moxielou

Hi,

I lost my DD last month at 22 weeks and I too have been considering a memorial tattoo. (I also have a tattoo on my back).

Though I haven't done it, yet, I'm thinking about doing it in October on her due date. We named her Daisy so I would probably include a daisy of some sort. It probably would only be clear to me and those close to me what the tattoo actually represented. My DH is an artist so I may ask him to design one--he's talked about getting one for himself, as well.

Although you can and should listen to your husband's concerns about the tattoo, ultimately it's your body and it's your choice for how to grieve and memorialize your son, and your DH should respect that. I mean, listen to his concerns and certainly try to address what he says, but I think you should do it if it means a lot to you and will help you on your path to healing.

I agree that a tattoo has a lot "more" to it than a painting or picture. It's permanent; it's a physical part of your body; it does involve pain and growth; and tattoos have often served for a ritual or rite of passage. I think it's really cool if you could design it yourself, as well.

And I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## yummymummy2hannah

moxielou said:


> ultimately it's your body and it's your choice for how to grieve and memorialize your son, and your DH should respect that. I mean, listen to his concerns and certainly try to address what he says, but I think you should do it if it means a lot to you and will help you on your path to healing.
> 
> I agree that a tattoo has a lot "more" to it than a painting or picture. It's permanent; it's a physical part of your body; it does involve pain and growth; and tattoos have often served for a ritual or rite of passage. I think it's really cool if you could design it yourself, as well. /QUOTE] Thank you! I needed to hear that. I'm so sorry for your loss too!


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## claddaghmom

I stopped a lady at the store one time because she had a beautiful tat on her shoulder. It was the foot imprint of her baby and her baby's name below. I commented on how beautiful it was and asked how old her baby was now. That's when she said he was stillborn and they took the imprint before his memorial service.


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## celtic_angel

I lost our baby in March at 10 1/2 weeks and have been planning a tatoo ever since...
We had already been starting a nursery in a nature theme and had ended up with tons of frog items. I had a gorgeous stuffed froggie that I would hold while sitting in the rocking chair in that room dreaming about rocking our baby~~
I have decided that a frog tatoo is what I am getting and it will be placed right over my heart where I will forever carry our baby.
We are lucky in that we actually have close friends opening a tatoo shop next month, and it will be done there. I imagine the entire process will be quite emotional, so I am so grateful that I will be with folks who will understand~~


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## Cuddlebaby

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
I stopped a lady at the store one time because she had a beautiful tat on her shoulder. It was the foot imprint of her baby and her baby's name below. I commented on how beautiful it was and asked how old her baby was now. That's when she said he was stillborn and they took the imprint before his memorial service.









Oh this is a great idea!!


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## iris0110

I have Arawyn's footprints on the tops of my feet. They are tiny and perfect and I love them. Dh also has them, his are on his chest over his heart. He has her name and birthdate between them. To me tattoos are something so much more. I can't really explain it. But then tattoos are also a big part of my and dh's life so he definately wasn't against the idea.

here are mine
http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t...o/100_1723.jpg


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## Fyrestorm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iris0110* 
I have Arawyn's footprints on the tops of my feet. They are tiny and perfect and I love them. Dh also has them, his are on his chest over his heart. He has her name and birthdate between them. To me tattoos are something so much more. I can't really explain it. But then tattoos are also a big part of my and dh's life so he definately wasn't against the idea.

here are mine
http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t...o/100_1723.jpg

That is such a beautiful sentiment!


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## jess_paez

i too, lost my daughter a day before moxie lou lost hers. We were also 22 weeks. Our babies were both due in october and i was thinking about doing the same thing. I never really liked the idea of a tattoo on me, but actually, it sounds really meaningful. Maybe I could put a little set of angel wings above my heart? That way it's small enough, but I would always know its there. I definitely don't think you are wierd for wanting this and I understand why you would want to feel pain. It would probably be a sense of closure for you too? Maybe you could come to an agreement with your hubby. Say, a small tattoo, somewhere hidden maybe? I am so sorry for your loss mama!


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## luvmy3bees

I have been planning one for awhile.
I am planning 2 purple butterflies, both with wings closed and one with right wing bend. I had an ectopic and lost my right tube. Those will be on top, then I am going to have my kids one pink, two blue wing wide open and their intials in the wings. I think next summer.


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## Organicavocado

I wanted a small heart next to the one stretch mark I got with my pregnancy. I got pregnant before I had the chance, though, and I regret it because now I don't know which one is his.


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## RainbowEarthFaerie

I was planning on getting a tattoo for each of my children. Astrological signs, but I think I'll put a butterfly next to Lilith's.


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## AinNJ

Not crazy at all. My dd died at 39w6d and was born silently on her due date. That was 5 1/2 years ago.

When I was in the hospital, they marked my door with a card that had a leaf with a tear on it to silently notify staff that we were in mourning and not treat us like I was birthing a live child. For the longest time, I said I wanted a tattoo of that leaf.

I still haven't done it. I haven't decided against it, I just haven't done it. Probably because I can't decide where I want it tattoo'd. I don't want it somewhere everyone would see it. It would be for me. To somehow, someway make her permanant in this world. I also thought that some people would think it creepy and weird and maybe a little crazy. But again, I never wanted to do it to show the world my baby's memorial. Just to make her part of me again, if that makes sense.

The only appropriate place I could think of to get the tattoo was below my right hip, where my ovary is. The month I conceived her, I ovulated from my right ovary. We know this for certain because the shell of her egg formed a cyst on my ovary that took a few weeks to go away and my dr was watching it to make sure it was a normal cyst and not a freaky one.

I will tell you that the desire, the urge to do the tattoo has lessened. I'm not sure if I will ever do it. But the thought of it is still with me. Lately I've been leaning towards another design, not doing the leaf and tear, but maybe the letter "T" (my dd's name is Tessa) in a scroll looking design.


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## MoonStarFalling

My dh has one on his inner wrist .

It's done in all white. It looks like a brand now that it's healed. He got it done about two years ago IIRC. I designed it. It's an AE for our daughters first names.


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## mytwogirls

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iris0110* 
I have Arawyn's footprints on the tops of my feet. They are tiny and perfect and I love them. Dh also has them, his are on his chest over his heart. He has her name and birthdate between them. To me tattoos are something so much more. I can't really explain it. But then tattoos are also a big part of my and dh's life so he definately wasn't against the idea.

here are mine
http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t...o/100_1723.jpg

That is the most beautiful tribute I have EVER seen. Mama, you should be very proud. How stunning!


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## jessicasocean

I am a tattood mama to begin with. I went and had my tattoo artist create a beautiful memorial for my son. It is a bird (I have a natural love for them) with butterflies, and cherry blossom flowers and his name. It is amazing. I get comments on it all the time, and it makes me feel a little bit more connected to him. I have tattoos for all of my children, but this one has a completely different meaning. I am still in the process of finishing it, it is a big one, (my whole forearm) and pretty soon his handprint will be added to it. I think it is a wonderful idea personally!


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## avivaelona

I haven't done it myself but I have thought about it. If your husbands objection is that it might be wierd than perhaps have him read this thread to see how normal the desire is. If its just that he doesn't like your old tattoo let him help design it and figure out where it should go so that he does like it too. I think its your body but if your husband hates it that is sad...so see what his objections really are and see if you can address them.


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## Baby Makes 4

I have the names of both of my living children tattooed on my back. After this babe is born I will add his/her name and 3 butterflies, one for each baby I lost. I have chosen the butterflies already, they are all butterflies that are found in the Philippines (to honour my husband's heritage) and will be done life size.


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## widemouthedfrog

Quote:


Originally Posted by *celtic_angel* 
I have decided that a frog tattoo is what I am getting and it will be placed right over my heart where I will forever carry our baby.

I am sorry for your loss.

I have a tattoo to commemorate my daughter's birth and my diagnosis of diabetes. It is based on the pre-columbian gold frogs created in Costa Rica and has several water swirls on its back - these mean rebirth and transformation.

I just checked through my flickr site and my photo of it is not up, though. Just to give you an idea.


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## birthangeldoula

I only have one tattoo on my body, and it's a memorial tattoo in honor of my son.
The tattoo artist took his hospital footprint and shrunk it down and added angel wings. I got it on my right ankle.

http://s97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...cc32afae3e.jpg


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## 2shy2post

First, my condolences on your loss.









Second, yes, I understand the desire to permanantly memorialize your child.

I, at one point, considered a tattoo myself. However, we are opposed to vaccinations. On many levels, but specifically because of the toxins that are introduced into the body. It is my understanding that many of these toxins are transmitted to the body by tattooing (sp?







). That's what made us consider memorial alternatives.


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## SimplyHeartBroken

I think it's a great idea. Am thinking about getting one with my daughter's name, her feet, and her date of birth. (She was stillborn at 23 weeks on July 2nd, 2008)


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## sarahlg33

I love this idea! I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I lost my ds on July 19th. I've never been one for tatoos on me (scary idea of pain!), but suddenly I feel like it's the perfect memorial. My dh loves it too. Thank you to those of you that provided pics, there are a lot of neat ideas out there.


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## philomom

I'm not into tattoos, but that seems like a cool thing. After all, your baby lived under your skin.


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## rockportmama

Hi! So sorry for everyone's loss









My DH is a tattoo artist, so I had to jump in. He does lots of memorial tattoos, for babies, kids, adults. The instinct to memorialize your loss is perfectly normal -- human, in fact. In our culture we've eliminated many traditional rites of passage. Tattooing has helped fill this void. Something about getting your feelings permanently etched on your skin helps us deal with them. Why? Not sure. Not a psych major! But my DH can attest that memorial tattoos can be very helpful to those grieving.

HTH!

PS. My husband uses only all natural inks with no artificial chemicals. If this is a concern, you could always shop around for all natural inks. I'll try to remember to ask him the brand name....


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## 2shy2post

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rockportmama* 
PS. My husband uses only all natural inks with no artificial chemicals. If this is a concern, you could always shop around for all natural inks. I'll try to remember to ask him the brand name....

Thank you for sharing this information! I figured that there had to be artists who are concious of these concerns.


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## mama k nj

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yummymummy2hannah* 
It's been over 2 months now since I lost my son. I have this strong urge to memorialize him by getting a tattoo in honor of him. I have a tattoo on my back that I got as a teen and my DH is really against me getting another one. I feel I need to do this though.

I can really relate! I have one I got when I graduated college. My DH is not a tatt fan AT ALL! But when I explained why I want to get one and how this has really affected me, he was ok with it. (Still not happy but ok.)

I didn't get it yet since I don't have the funds and we just started TTC this month, but I wanted a white/blue buttefly on my upper hip. Something subtle with a symbolism just for me. (Butterflies represent the human soul, rebirth and new life depending on who you talk to... all of which apply IMO.)

Now I gotta read all the responses...


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## caro113

I am so sorry for your loss.

My S/O lost his daughter and fiancee three years ago and immediately got a his fiancee's eyes tattooed on his shoulder. He still hasn't gotten anything for his daughter yet, but that's bc he hadn't come up with the perfect tattoo yet. I drew something up for him that commemorates both of them really well and he is planning on getting it on his chest, right over his heart, whenever we have enough money (it's very detailed and extremely colourful).

I'm glad you decided on what kind of tattoo you want (-: Even if dh is against tattoos, I'm sure once he sees it on your skin he won't be so opposed to it.

I don't know how to word this without it sounding rude, so please forgive any meanness that shows through in this next statement. Did you ever think that maybe you having the tattoo would force him to see it everyday and remember and feel that pain everyday? For my S/O the constant reminders help, but maybe your dh is different? I don't know, I'm just suggesting that maybe there's something more to his adversity.

Anyhow, again, I'm sorry you had to go through something to tragic and painful. I hope the tattoo helps ease your pain - even if it brings you some temporary physical pain


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## cc_mama

I'm hoping to get mine this weekend. We just had our 4th loss - this one ectopic at 9.5 weeks. I've been thinking about a tattoo since the second miscarriage. DH always thought that it would remind me too much - then I explained it's not really something I've forgotten and that I think about it every day anyway.

I'll upload a picture when I get it.


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## katytheprincess2

I have a memorial tattoo for my daughter on my upper arm and found it to be very healing to get it done. Hugs to you mama!


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## cc_mama

So I got my first tattoo on Saturday - in memory of my 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic.

http://tinyurl.com/6mug7q

I was going to get something with PAIL ribbon with footprints. But when I decided to put it on my arm I decided to do something more symbolic so that I wasn't asked about it by strangers. And I saw this in the shop - funny I'd always said if I got a tattoo it would be a purple rose.


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## thomatuttle

I had always wanted to get an ankh tattooed around my wrist to symbolize my first pregnancy. It is less than an inch and then I have it wrap around and connect to the top. It is just a simple line drawing that I can easily cover with a watch and most people think it's just a piece of string. To me, it symbolizes the circle of life. It's to remind me that life is full of life and death and that is somewhat comforting to me. I got it about 3 months after the loss of my twins at 10 weeks. About 6 weeks ago, I lost another baby at about 10 weeks as well as my right tube which it had implanted in. This time if I decide to do another memorial tattoo, it'll probably be Picasso's Dove of Peace. Once we are done having children, I am going to get a back piece to symbolize our family. It will have the birth month flowers of my husband, my children, and I. I think I will probably also put the birth month flowers of the little ones I lost, but make them smaller than the other flowers.


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## willowsmom

I have a tattoo for Willow and have been planning more.

I would probably do this.







Earlier this year I wanted to get a memorial tat for my dad (he died suddenly in March)...

Anyway... LOVE this idea


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## yummymummy2hannah

I have finally decided the memorial tattoo I will get. It will be on my shoulderblade and wrap to my arm and my chest on that side. On my shoulder blade it will be a very realistic shaded black and gray rose for me, my DH,and my DD (and leaving room for another child). Then my son Nathaniel will be a boldly colored blue butterfly flying up my shoulder (symbolizing that he is in Heaven) and there will be black thick and thin lines swirling round the roses and by my arm and around my shoulder to my chest. On my chest will be a vintage sparrow with a red face to symbolize my grandfather in Heaven (long story on why that is appropriate). So, it will all be black and grey except for the butterfly and bird. I am an artist and have started to draw and design this. I want it to be perfect before I get it.


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## CookieMonsterMommy

I have a small (nickel sized?) Kanji character for "Spirit" inside of another tattoo--got them the same day...the other tattoo is a heart that turns into a "K"...kind of to remind myself that I matter and to take care of myself.

I did it in 2004 after losing my daughter (pregnancy loss) and haven't regretted it for a split second.

It's on my hip, so not many people see it unless I'm showing off my ink. Or I'm at the beach.

I like that it's in Kanji despite Kanji being kind of played out. This way, I get to decide whether or not to explain it to people who see it. I usually either say that it means "spirit" and don't elaborate, or I'll say it's something totally bogus (usually to people--guys--at the beach who annoy me), or I'll tell the whole story.


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## NullSet

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anicholsonmartin* 
So I got my first tattoo on Saturday - in memory of my 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic.

It's beautiful.


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## mommyto3girls

I have a tattoo that memorializes my daughter Sierra (died at 3 days of age) and my 5 miscarried little sprites. It is also a tribute to my living daughters, Maia and Sage were on it, and I added madison (my step-daughter) last january.

I chose a dragonfly for Sierra because that is our remembrance symbol for her (Stemming rom the story of the waterbugs and the Dragonflies), each miscarriage is represented by a star, and my living girls are my beautiful butterlies. i love the way the background makes them seem to be emerging from within me as they all did (even though madison is not mine biologically, she is a part of me)

I completely understand the need to permanently remember our children we have lost and as a PP said, the pain of getting the tattoo was healing as well. I needed to relive that physical pain of the loss as part of my healing.

My Tattoo!

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo...XGntEF11FnS_CQ

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo...Tv5ndnuC9Cw8dA


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## MarilynP

my hubby got a tattoo in memory of our son a few weeks after he died...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...avid/017-2.jpg

he wants to get another one that is kind of combined memorial for his mom and our daughter who both died late last year but he hasn't figured out what to get yet...


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## MarilynP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *birthangeldoula* 
I only have one tattoo on my body, and it's a memorial tattoo in honor of my son.
The tattoo artist took his hospital footprint and shrunk it down and added angel wings. I got it on my right ankle.

http://s97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...cc32afae3e.jpg

that is a really sweet tattoo..

yesterday it hit me that I wanted to get a tattoo in memory of my two beautiful babies... I really want so I hope I don't chicken out..

I was thinking of either two flowers, one pink and one blue, or maybe a blue flower and a pink butterfly....

I just want a very simple tattoo and I would probably get it on my back right by my shoulder..


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## Catubodua

i have been thinking about this today. since my miscarriage was on St Patrick's Day i was thinking of getting a small shamrock tattoo.

i just don't know where to get it. over my heart? by my hip?

but, i'm scared to death of them - i am afraid of how much it will hurt.









eta - sorry, i didn't realize this was an old thread. i just did a search with tattoo in the title and this is the one that popped up.


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## organicpapayamama

I totally understand where you are coming from. when we lost DD my DH told me the same thing, that he didnt want me to get a tattoo. He said think about it for a while maybe try getting a bracelet with her name. I did get the bracelet. It had to be just perfect and he didnt mind spending money on something so special. It cost clost to $800 and while it was nice and gave me some peace it wasnt the same. I dunno what happend but DH left and hes is my stbx and I decided there was nothing holding me back now. Almost exactly a yr to the date of her original due date I finally got the tattoo with her name on it and a pink tokidoki bird. I got the bird to signify it was a girl and tokidoki because the diaper bag I got for her was that brand. I feel more complete now, if that makes sense. She is with me in a sense, a way that will be there forever and no one can take that away. I think each person is different and copes differently and I had to do what I had to do for me and your DH shouldnt take that away from you. I second that its your body your choice.

I wanted to add that I was scared of the pain too and I think thats why I put it off for over a year but it didnt hurt nearly as bad as I thought. It just felt like someone was scratching me with a finger nail firmly. I didnt even cry! I wanted to at the end though but only because it was so beautiful and I loved it!


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## StarMama

I started my memorial tattoo for Fiona:
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g3...mama/013-3.jpg

The hireoglyphs were there before, they are my husband's name in a band around my arm (he has my name in binary around his arm). The lotus stands for Fiona, 6 stars for the 6th of December, and there is also the sag. constilation there too.

Now I just need to get the rest of the sky done.


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## Vespertina

I'm planning to have one finished. The first one ended up not turning out so well in the end. I planned to get Duncan's foot prints on my upper arms, but then DH made the suggestion to have them done on my feet. I was SO nervous about it because it's one of the most painful places to get a tattoo. I went along with it and boy did it hurt like f'ing hell. Worst physical pain of my life. They turned out beautifully. But then I developed a reaction to one of the inks that was used, at least according to the doctors, and an infection and both basically ended up causing tissue damage. There's no ink in certain places. The skin is actually still red and sensitive in some areas. I think the infection resulted from when the scabs got taken off when I took my socks off. I was told I could resume wearing socks and shoes after a week. It was freezing outside. I couldn't stand wearing flip flops anymore. LOL. I thought the tattoos had fully scabbed over, but I parts of my socks got attached to the scabs and even though I tried my best to be gentle, I did end up taking some scabs off with the socks.

Blah. It was bad. My feet became huge, swollen, cold, blue/purple -- not good. They became itchy and my skin peeled, which I'm told is attributed to the skin reaction. That was the first time I ever had a reaction to a tattoo.

But, after all of that, I think it's kind of symbolic and thematic to the whole experience with losing Duncan and it leaving scars. I've embraced the scars. I don't want it to be touched up.

I have two others, one is his birth date in Roman numerals on the top of my left forearm that I plan to add to. I'm thinking a lotus flower. I love the symbolism. The other is MGRS coordinates on the inner forearm of my right arm. The girls' have lat/long coordinates.


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## AbbeyWH

wow! this has really prompted a ton of replies
it's beautiful to see how all the lost babies have been remembered on our skin
i too have had this thought/urge to get permanent ink for my sleeping baby boy Milos
my hubby wants one too
and my mom wants to get one for her lost grand-son!

maybe you can share all of these posts with your husband to help him see how normal/common a reaction this is and if he still can't understand... it's your body







:


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