# NVC - Non-Violent Communication?



## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

I did a search, but didn't see a lot on this.

What are everyone's thoughts on this philosophy? I know it's not exactly GD, but I've been using some of the language and it's been amazingly effective. I feel heard and even if things don't go exactly as I envisioned them, we're all getting from A to B in a relatively calm and decent manner.

If you don't like this school of thought, can you tell me why?

I'm really a newbie wrt to it and am interested in hearing some of the pros and cons. I'm not being snarky at all, I am genuinely serious.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I got NVC from the library and only read half of it and LOVED it so much I bought it. I still haven't finished it, but the part that I read REALLY made a positive difference in the way I think.
It's going to take a lot of work, I think, to actually express myself in an NVC way. But, like they say, the thinking is the big part.

I know it's not really a discipline book, BUT I ran into someone yesterday that let me borrow an NVC parenting cd called Connected Parenting.

I can't imagine that anyone would be opposed to NVC. Some may think that the wording sounds awkward. And I've heard people mention that they think it sounds whiney or something. But...whatever. I'm sure it can be adjusted to someone's comfort level, and still be NVC.


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## climbermom (Jan 25, 2007)

I just had a coworker recommend this to me today. I'm going to see if I can find it at the library.


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## Danaoc (Jul 11, 2005)

I like NVC a lot but have sometimes found it difficult to put into practice. My husband and I are going to take a NVC seminar starting in Sept, so I'm excited to see if that will help in the execution between my husband and me.

I do use it for my son quite often. The book on NVC for children is Parenting from Your Heart. It's very thin and is a quick read. Example - instead of telling my son something like, "Don't run with scissors." I would say, "I need it to be a safe environment and sharp scissors can make it dangerous for other kids. Would you be willing to use the scissors on your project and then put them away when you're done?"

I have found it very useful and will let you know results of the seminar if this thread is still going


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## hubris (Mar 8, 2003)

I've been reading the book and it blends very, very well with a compassionate/gentle parenting style, especially if you're at all interested in concepts like unconditional parenting or consensual living. Haven't gotten to the end yet but I believe there's a section about applying NVC to parenting, and some of the examples throughout the book apply NVC to parenting situations.

I started reading it in order to help gather my thoughts about some issues with my in-laws but it has sparked some excellent conversations between my DH and I about our relationship with each other and our relationship with our children. Good stuff.









I agree that it's difficult to put into practice, probably because it requires building new habits. But like anything else, the more you think about it and work on it, the easier it gets.


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## purposefulmother (Feb 28, 2007)

This is very timely for me because I am about to begin a 7 week workshop on NVC. I'm very excited!


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## *LoveBugMama* (Aug 2, 2003)

I`m waiting for my copy of "Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way " to get here.









I do already own the book called Non Violent Communication, but decided I should order the one especially geared towards parenting, too.


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## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

Another great parenting book based on Nonviolent Communication is _Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids_.


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## Viriditas (Aug 30, 2004)

I love NVC and I so wish I was better at using it! It seems like in the heat of the moment, even if I remember to use NVC I'll sometimes choose not to, because it feels more satisfying to rant (mostly at dh) and blame.







: Then I'll feel remorse later on.

I have a little companion book to NVC called "The Surprising Purpose of Anger," which talks about indulging your angry thoughts internally and taking a moment to play out in your head how you want to respond, then letting the anger go and responding with compassion. Sometimes this will work for me. But sometimes my frustration and anger are too overwhelming.

I'm also trying to get dh to read it. I know NVC would really interest him, and maybe if we were both working at it we'd have a better shot, with each other and with ds.


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Dh and I were given a set of CDs from Marshall B. Rosenberg (http://www.cnvc.org/index.htm). They are, so far, amazing!!! When _he_ uses examples of how to communicate a need, it sounds natural; then dh and I try it and we sound like we're reading from a textbook







but we figure that with time and practise, we'll begin to incorporate our personal style and natural way of expressing ourselves into the new vocabulary and it will sound like us again. For now, it's a bit weird, but dh pointed out that when we're really upset about something and we have to stop and work out the wording, that stilted activity and the starchy-sounding expression that comes from it actually help to dissolve a lot of the initial intensity of our upset. We also find ourselves trying to help one another figure out what the need-word is, so we are sort of railroaded into being more compassionate when we otherwise might have walked out or raised our voices before.

It's totally AWESOME with our children. And they've soaked it up like a first language. And they love to correct my tone and language when it isn't nvc...









We're only on CD #3 of six, I think... can't remember. Anyway, we haven't come to the specific ones about marriage and parenting yet, but already there has been a drastic transformation in our home that began only a few months ago. I also read Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting and cannot imagine trying to wade through life withut having learned what he taught me in his book. Currently I'm reading another Kohn book, Punished By Rewards, which is also fabulous- much more academic, possibly less accessible as a result, but really enlightening and provides the philosophical scaffolding of Unconditional Parenting.

NVC is really life-altering, paradigm-blasting and rejuvenating of joy, hope, love, and has given dh and I a new understanding of life itself in every way. I couldn't recommend it more highly, honestly, because I see it as completely necessary in the most basic and ultimate way.


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Thanks to everyone who gave book and cd titles! I need to read something on NVC. I have two friends who love it and go to the seminars and family camps.


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## Gaea (Jul 4, 2005)

I love that book!
Most of us are not used to talk this way, so yes, it sound weird at first







It takes practise, practise, practise to get there, but it´s so worth it!!


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