# Heartbroken (Updates: Post #91, 122, 136)



## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

This is a mix between a vent; needing to get my feelings out; and a bit of a need for some compassion/support.

Edited to add: To clarify- I'm not posting this to get advice on how ds's father should parent. This was posted to get my feelings out and to get some hugs.

My son loves music. He's had a passion for music from the very beginning. He's expressed a love of violins and piano's since he was a toddler.
For years, ds's father (we are not partners) has been promising to get him lessons and an instrument for his 5th birthday.
Ds has been getting SO excited as the time draws near (his birthday is in December).

My son finally decided on piano lessons and we got some suggestions on what kind of digital keyboard to buy (for daily home practice). It can't be a cheapy one but it is possible to find a good one (full size, weighted keys) for around $299. (even though the teachers were strongly suggesting ones that cost $600-700).
So, we had a couple picked out from the Guitar Center.

My son's father suddenly tells ds that he won't be buying him a keyboard/piano and lessons.

Ds is heartbroken. I'm not talking about a spoiled kid ticked off because he can't get the toy he wants. I'm talking about the deep sadness that instantly appeared in ds's eyes. His eyes started watering as he was trying not to cry. Ds quietly came over to me and just held on to me while he cried.
















My son is on the autism spectrum. Music is something that brings him out of his shell.

I'm so incredibly sad for my sweet boy. He's crushed...and I can't make it better. I found out that a local music school has financial aid and I even told that to ds's father but he doesn't care.

I know that there are more important things in the world. But my son doesn't know that. This _is_ his world.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to get my feelings out. (this all just happened a couple of hours ago so it's very fresh in my heart).


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## Sarahbunny (Jun 13, 2006)

:

I'm sorry Mama. Did he give a reason?


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## roomformore (Apr 28, 2006)




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## frogautumn (May 24, 2007)

Just hugs, lots of them!!! I'm sorry...


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarahbunny* 







:

I'm sorry Mama. Did he give a reason?

He doesn't feel like spending the money. (he can afford it, he just doesn't want to do it. He's a very selfish person but I just can't believe he pulled this)


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## EvansMomma (Mar 7, 2006)

I'm so sorry mama...It's so hard to see hurt in our little ones.
If the music school offers financial assistance, is there any way that you could get the lessons for your son? Or is it too much?
My heart hurts for you after reading this post...I hope your lil guy finds a way to get those lessons.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

How sad that his father can't keep his promise!

Any other ways to help make this happen for him?


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Oh, man, that's so sad. Is there any way for YOU to make this work? I don't know your situation, but I know you can rent pianos pretty cheaply on a monthly basis, and if the classes are on a financial aid basis...can it work out, even if it's not exactly by his fifth birthday?


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EvansMomma* 
If the music school offers financial assistance, is there any way that you could get the lessons for your son? Or is it too much?

I'm not sure how much the lessons will be but if I actually had the instrument, I would FIND a way to pay for lessons.
There's no way I could buy the keyboard myself though. That's why I feel so bad.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

How very awful.

Is there perhaps a teacher in your area that you could trade lesson time for something?

give that sweet boy a hug.

-Angela


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## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

I am so sorry for your sweet boy, and I have to say based on some of the other things your ex has done, I'm not suprised that he was this selfish again.

I can't believe he would take him TO THE MUSIC STORE, and THEN drop that kind of bomb. That is beyond clueless and selfish into sadistic.


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)




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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Thanks everyone. My head hurts and I'm going to go to bed. I'll check back in the morning.


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## prairiemommy (Sep 25, 2003)

I'm so sorry for you and your DS. He must be so crushed.

Is there anyway you could get a used keyboard fairly inexpensively and perhaps a high school student or a new teacher who would give a price break on lessons (you could ask the music teacher at your local junior/high school). I know I used to teach for pretty cheap when I was in HS.

Poor you and DS.


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## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

: I'm sorry your DS's father is acting like a UA violation.

Could you find a used instrument?


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## baileyandmikey (Jan 4, 2005)

ahhh mama. i feel terible for your ds.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)




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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prairiemommy* 
Is there anyway you could get a used keyboard fairly inexpensively and perhaps a high school student or a new teacher who would give a price break on lessons (you could ask the music teacher at your local junior/high school). I know I used to teach for pretty cheap when I was in HS.

I've actually searched online (craigslist, freecycle) for awhile for a free/lower priced one but haven't found one (unless it's broken).

As for a teacher, he/she would need to have experience teaching special needs children. That's what's so tricky.
There's a boy at our church who is an incredibly talented pianist and he's tried to teach ds a few things but he's not a good teacher. heh heh.
His parents are the ones who highly recommended the music school that offers financial aid.


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## Kitsune6 (Mar 31, 2005)




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## Simplicity (Mar 24, 2004)

I'm so sorry mama! I can imagine it's heartbreaking for you and your boy. Is there any possibility that you could find someone who teaches and possibly trade talents with?

That's what I did for my son when he was about six years old. Got him piano lessons and did a trade with talents instead of money. I was really good at organizing and they needed help with that. Maybe it's something you could try?

I wish you luck. I'd be upset too.

Edit: I'm sorry I didn't read all of the posts you did in the thread. You sorta covered what I was thinking. Ugh. I hope something works out.


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## Kleine Hexe (Dec 2, 2001)

How crappy. One of the worst things someone can do (IMO) is tell a child one thing and then not follow through.

I'm sorry. Perhaps you can still find a different way?


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## sunnybear (Nov 18, 2004)

Awww, that is awful.







Poor little guy. Guitar Center has financing, right? Could you maybe make payments on one? Have you tried eBay, craigslist, etc? Do you have a local college that has a music program? Maybe their bulletin boards would have stuff for sale.

Oh, duh...I see above that you already checked out craigslist and stuff.







I hope one turns up for your son! I am very passionate about music...it makes my world go 'round. I can relate to how he feels about it.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Wow, I won't say what I'm thinking of that guy, but it isn't nice.


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## LittlePeanut (Aug 11, 2006)

I know you said you've been looking but I've seen pianos listed on my local freecycle a few times before. Maybe something will come up. You should at the very least post a "want" ad on FC and CL an if you have it, Kijiji too. Sometimes people just assume that things are not wanted or never bother to list them... If they see a want ad, it may make them think again.

LP


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## rachelle-a-tron (Apr 13, 2002)

Im so sorry. Hugs & love to your little guy.

Something will pop up, I just know it.

Have you checked at pawn shops?


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## granolamomma (Jul 11, 2005)

Oh mama, I'm so sorry. My sweet spectrum boy is the same way and would be crushed. My heart hurts just thinking of it for you.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
He doesn't feel like spending the money. (he can afford it, he just doesn't want to do it. He's a very selfish person but I just can't believe he pulled this)

That's just awful, I'm so sorry.


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## CaliMommie (Feb 11, 2004)

Oh mama I am so sorry. I am actually in tears after reading that.







Your poor DS. I so wish there was something I could do. I hope you find a keyboard for cheap soon!


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## twindaze (Aug 13, 2002)

Can you consider a real piano? I often used to see old uprights offered for free in the newspaper, or for super cheap. You have to have lots of people to move it or hire a piano mover though. I got my piano out of the paper for $500 about 15 years ago, it's a spinet though. I play and teach and I like real pianos, the electronic ones just aren't the same unless they're the super expensive ones, like $2000 range.


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## geek_the_girl (Apr 12, 2006)

Im really sorry mama







to you and your sweet boy.


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

DaughterOfKali where do you live? I happen to have a stand up keyboard, the keys aren't as
weighted as the better models, but it's a good solid keyboard. Your ds can have it, and I'll
deliver it to you if your within 200 miles of me. I live in Pittsburgh, Pa.

I'm praying your close. If your not maybe we can connect MDC Mama's across america. I'll deliver
it 200 miles, the next Mama can deliver it 100, the next 200, and so on. A girl can dream right?

Even if we can't get my keyboard to you, we need to make this happen. Music is a wonderful tool
in a young persons life. We can figure it out. There are so many of us here, there is no way we
can't make it work somehow.


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## mamimapster (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trinity6232000* 
DaughterOfKali where do you live? I happen to have a stand up keyboard, the keys aren't as
weighted as the better models, but it's a good solid keyboard. Your ds can have it, and I'll
deliver it to you if your within 200 miles of me. I live in Pittsburgh, Pa.

I'm praying your close. If your not maybe we can connect MDC Mama's across america. I'll deliver
it 200 miles, the next Mama can deliver it 100, the next 200, and so on. A girl can dream right?

Is there a way to pack and ship this? If so I'd be willing to donate some paypal to the effort. if not, I would be willing to be part of a midwest traveling leg for this, and I have a friend who travels through WI & the UP from time to time if help in that area is needed-I can ask her as well. Will it break down into a car trunk?


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

I want to hurt people who do that to kids, especially their own kids. Dammit, what the hell is wrong with him?? Your poor son, I want to hug him too
















Janna, that is such a sweet offer!


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## mrskennedy (Dec 24, 2006)

THAT UA VIOLATION! What the H kind of father is that??????? Waiting for updates..... We have to do this! I know the healing power of music and it just makes me sad, so deeply sad, that a selfish man would deprive his child of that, esp. a special needs child, as they're often the ones to get the most benefit from music!


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## [email protected] (Feb 6, 2007)

I have a great, full-size keyboard too, if she's near me. It's very nice and I'd be happy to send it her way if the shipping wasn't too bad. This makes me want to cry, that poor boy.


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## jellop (Dec 11, 2006)

DaughterOfKali - I am so sorry your son is having to deal with this. And I'm very upset his father is being such a





















.

Mamas - this is why I'm so glad to be a part of MDC. So many of you are reaching out, and have such huge hearts. Bless you all.


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamimapster* 
Is there a way to pack and ship this? If so I'd be willing to donate some paypal to the effort. if not, I would be willing to be part of a midwest traveling leg for this, and I have a friend who travels through WI & the UP from time to time if help in that area is needed-I can ask her as well. Will it break down into a car trunk?

Mine is far too large to ship. I'm afraid it would cost a lot. It's a stand up, so it looks like a
upright piano but smaller. I can't even imagine the box we would put it in.







I think (I will
check on this,) that it can be broken down into two pieces.

Well Sarah offered one as well. So we'll wait for DaughterOfKali to let us know her location,
and then we can plan further. If Sarah is closer, we could ship hers (I'd be more than happy to
chip in for shipping on this). If I'm closer, then I will drive it to her.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamimapster* 
Is there a way to pack and ship this? If so I'd be willing to donate some paypal to the effort. if not, I would be willing to be part of a midwest traveling leg for this, and I have a friend who travels through WI & the UP from time to time if help in that area is needed-I can ask her as well. Will it break down into a car trunk?

I too would donate paypal to help pay for shipping.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Alas, I'm in MA. Not exactly near any of you. But I thank you for being so kind and generous with offering keyboards!

I did have an ad up in Craigslist but the only replies that I got were for instruments that were broken.
Can't do a full size piano because I don't have a way of transporting it (vehicle or help).

Thank you so much for the support. I'm determined to get him a digital piano somehow. If I had the money, I could show up at the Guitar Center for 8am on Friday and get 20% off! That's such a great saving! Ack!
There's one called an Adagio and it's marked down to $299 but with the sale, it would only be $260. Normally, it cost $1000!!! I don't normally shop Black Friday but I sure would in this case. LOL.

Edited to add: Happy Thanksgiving (to those who celebrate).


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

An annoying side note: Ds's father took it upon himself to sleep over without even asking me! I got ready to go to bed and I thought he was leaving. Turns out, he went to sleep on the sofa. Wth?! So now he's here this morning (no idea why as he knows we aren't doing anything for thanksgiving) and it's bugging me that he's acting like everything's fine and dandy.







:


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Oh my gosh, how awful.







:

I hope he gets the lessons somehow...


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

Your poor ds.







I'm really hoping something comes through for him.
I have nothing nice to say about your ex.







:


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Thanks. I'm sending my wish out to the universe.


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## klg47 (May 20, 2003)

When I was a kid, we practiced piano at our church. There were many pianos in the church, so that way my sister and I could practice at the same time. Are you a member of a church, or do you think you could find one to set up an arrangement with? That wouldn't cover lessons, but at least it would cover the piano.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

We can only practice at the church on Sundays. With suzuki, you have to practice every single day.


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## klg47 (May 20, 2003)

There's no way you can even ask? Our church wasn't the type that was open all the time - my mom had to get special permission and a key.


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## KayleeZoo (Apr 8, 2003)

Quote:

There's no way you can even ask? Our church wasn't the type that was open all the time - my mom had to get special permission and a key.
I agree- most churches would be happy to accomodate such a special situation. It would be worth it to mention to your pastor/priest/whomever is in charge of your church what the situation is, too. I bet there are people who would be happy to volunteer the use of a piano or keyboard, and lessons. I don't know what it is, but lots of church-goers are great piano players, myself excluded, though


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

My 5 yo. loves music and would be crushed at that, as well. So sorry mama!


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## jellop (Dec 11, 2006)

Yeah, I'd ask a church. Heck, at our church, about half the members have a key (in case the door over happens to be locked - which isn't very often). I've walked in there oftentimes to hear someone at the piano practicing. It's pretty cool. At least ask - it couldn't hurt anything.

And what's up with your ex?!







: While I'm sure it's irritating for him to be there, and acting like everything is fine - I'll bet your DS is thrilled that his daddy is there. Sorry you have to go through any hassles and stress with him being there. But, hang in there. And Happy Thanksgiving!


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *klg47* 
There's no way you can even ask?

I did ask. They run a preschool there (all day) so we can't use the piano during the week. They don't employ people there at night and they don't give the key to just anyone (I'm a new member). Trust me, I tried and tried.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jellop* 
I'll bet your DS is thrilled that his daddy is there.

Yes and no. My ds is very rigid on schedules and this has thrown him for a loop. He's not sure he's liking this unexpected change in plans. Plus, he's not happy with him about the digital piano.


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## bullfrog (Feb 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
He doesn't feel like spending the money. (he can afford it, he just doesn't want to do it. He's a very selfish person but I just can't believe he pulled this)

Ok - after reviewing all the possible ways I could exact revenge on this man- I would take a deep breath and accept that he was under the catagory of 'things I cannot change'.

Then I would move over to the 'things I can change' and start working very hard towards making a very strong and sturdy boundry between him and your son.

Some of my more painful memories are of waiting for my dad to 'come through' and he never ever did. It's a very unsafe and unloved feeling, while I don't blame my mother for it, I wish she could have protected us (me and my sis) from it.

I hope there is something - I don't know that there is - but if there is I hope you can find a way to make it crystal clear that he is not to ever do anything like this again.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I hope smething works out for you. My ds has been obsessed with his keyboard since thestart of school and is teaching himself to play. I know how much it mellows him out. We can't afford lessons, either, but he is doing so well on his own, it's amazing!


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## Avani (Feb 14, 2006)

I would ask a music teacher to loan you one and apply for the financial assistance for the lessons. Also because he is autistic i bet you could really push that with the music place to get a lower discount. I have been able to get my dd help in so many ways by explaining our financial hardships and her disability.


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## momfosampson (Jul 2, 2005)

Good Grief. His dad sounds like a real jerk. If he is true to his nature he will eventually say "yes" then his ego will be all pumped when his son says "thank you" over and over.

If not, look on freecycle or craigslist. There are lots of people unloading free pianos (yes, you may have to pay transportation charges) AND there are plenty of people who give out free lessons.

I am a music teacher and I do this all the time especially if the student wants to learn. I didn't care if they were talented but if they practiced and loved it, you bet I'd do it for free.


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## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

your ex is a real jerk


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

I'm so sorry. How totally disappointing.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Thanks all.


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## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

That totally stinks.

I will pm you with some possibilities, though. I am in the NE.


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## AmyY (Jul 22, 2004)

I'm a music teacher (in the middle of the Pacific so can't help directly sorry







) but here's my thought for what it's worth.

Call the school and explain that you will be looking to barter for lessons and a keyboard. Just be matter-of-fact about it. If they are the ones who have someone skilled to teach your DS, go with them.

I barter with students for childcare, personal organization stuff, etc. If a student needed access to a piano, I'd give them the combo to the practice rooms at the local univ. where I also teach.

This is not an impossible situation, logistics-wise.

I also get that you had it settled and are dealing with a new revelation about DS's father's behavior and attitudes. It's really beyond the pale what he did.

But when it comes to getting lessons and an instrument, there are teachers and instruments littered all over the place. We get into this because we have lotsa heart. We usually need help and will barter. We always have ideas for how/where to practice.

Seriously. You can do this. Hugs.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Thanks Amy...What a heartwarming post! I'm determined to make this happen.


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## Himom (May 25, 2005)

: Oh, I'm so sorry this happened to your DS.


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## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

Hi again--

I also wanted to add that my DH says that there are computer programs available that can play music through a special small keyboard (m-Audio makes a bunch of models). You hook up this small keyboard to your PC and the program essentially allows you to make music. If you have a Mac then you already have the program (Garageband). If you have a PC there are programs you can buy. I don't know what the cost is but certainly less than a regular keyboard or piano. It might be an option if you cannot get either of the above. At least your son would be able to make music...


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## rambunctiouscurls (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
I too would donate paypal to help pay for shipping.

me too! hugs for you Op and your little boy.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rainbowbird* 
Hi again--

I also wanted to add that my DH says that there are computer programs available that can play music through a special small keyboard (m-Audio makes a bunch of models).

I have an old pc that someone put together for me. Unfortunately, it doesn't have sound for some reason. Because it's so old, it can't handle most computer software that's out there.
Ooh, I only wish I had a Mac!







That would be awesome.
Thanks for trying to come up with a solution. You're awesome!

I'm determined to make this happen. I'll try selling stuff (books, cd's, dvd's) and will do whatever I can to get my sweetie a digital piano. When I really put my mind to something, I usually get it.

I just have to remain positive and get creative!


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## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

I'm sorry that your son has to go thru sadness on his birthday...


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## mrskennedy (Dec 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rainbowbird* 
Hi again--

I also wanted to add that my DH says that there are computer programs available that can play music through a special small keyboard (m-Audio makes a bunch of models). You hook up this small keyboard to your PC and the program essentially allows you to make music. If you have a Mac then you already have the program (Garageband). If you have a PC there are programs you can buy. I don't know what the cost is but certainly less than a regular keyboard or piano. It might be an option if you cannot get either of the above. At least your son would be able to make music...

I don't think this would work in this case. Besides, it's totally not the same. Also not good for him with his need for routine, b/c if he ever gets the keyboard, he'll be all out of sorts then... Playing music on a crazy PC bx. a keuboard? No comparison, esp if you're trying to learn! It's ok to use a program if you already know music, aren't autistic, etc. But having a keyboard at home is truly the best option.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Janelovesmax* 
I'm sorry that your son has to go thru sadness on his birthday...









Thanks. It's not his birthday yet, though. Almost.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrskennedy* 
But having a keyboard at home is truly the best option.

Yep, that's what all the music teachers that I've spoken to have said.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

I agree that having an instrument at home is the best situation, but in the meantime, while you are saving up for that... (or scheming ways to sell DS's father's car...







)

You have had lots of suggestions for ways to get access to a piano, and here is one more. If there is a college/university near you, they often have practice rooms for their music students with pianos in them. I see you are in New England - I went to Framingham State in MA and UCONN, and they both had private practice rooms with pianos in them that were available 24 hours a day, in the college center. I think you had to sign out a key with your student ID, but you might be able to work something out or get a student friend to help you out.

Good luck - I hope you figure something out. If I think of anything I'll LYK. Also, I know your church wasn't a possibility as far as using their piano goes, but another church in your area might be able to help.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

To be honest, my son would not do well if I had to bundle him up every single late afternoon/evening (especially in the winter) and shlep over to a church or college to use their piano. That would be very difficult for a autism spectrum child. I honestly think it would take the joy out of learning/playing the piano.
It may work for another child but I know that mine would have major meltdowns/tantrums.

My mom doesn't really have money and she's retiring soon (she's a nanny) but I called her and sent her a link to the keyboard. I asked her if she could put it on her credit card and then I could pay her back in monthly installments. My mother is cheap so I don't know if she'll do it but I'm hoping she will.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Just want to thank everyone for their thoughts and suggestions. It's comforting to have support even if it's just online.


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## katie9143 (Oct 3, 2006)

hey - where in ne do you live if you dont mind saying? i am a musician and live around boston but am from maine (and went to music school there). although i dont teach myself, i know tons and tons of teachers and i could even put out the word with some ppl to looks for an old instrument that someone might be getting rid of - as well as some potential inexpensive lessons. im not promising any miracles but maybe i can help.


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## mrskennedy (Dec 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
To be honest, my son would not do well if I had to bundle him up every single late afternoon/evening (especially in the winter) and shlep over to a church or college to use their piano. That would be very difficult for a autism spectrum child. I honestly think it would take the joy out of learning/playing the piano.
It may work for another child but I know that mine would have major meltdowns/tantrums.

My mom doesn't really have money and she's retiring soon (she's a nanny) but I called her and sent her a link to the keyboard. I asked her if she could put it on her credit card and then I could pay her back in monthly installments. My mother is cheap so I don't know if she'll do it but I'm hoping she will.

First of all, if your mom won't do it, PM me--seriously.
Second, I had to practice at a church... It SUCKED!!! And I'm only blind. I can't imagine what it would do to someone like your DS. I do know it would be much worse than just taking the fun out of it though.







to you and your sweet boy! My heart goes out to both of you!


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

I can see how that would be difficult. I hope your mom helps out! That would be great.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrskennedy* 
First of all, if your mom won't do it, PM me--seriously.

Thank you, mama.









I should know sometime in the early afternoon on Friday.


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## Nora'sMama (Apr 8, 2005)

I just read the OP and the first few responses, so I'm sorry if my suggestions are redundant.

OP, your post brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I love music and have played piano since I was 5, and I cannot imagine the pain of being denied a much-anticipated chance to learn an instrument. I remember how excited I was to start piano lessons and can imagine the hurt had I been told that I wouldn't get to have them.

First of all, see if you can rent a keyboard by the month, preferably rent to own. That is how I bought my keyboard. It is a very nice one, retailed for $1250 7 years ago. I paid for it $50 per month. Now it is mine. I did this through a small family-owned piano store, maybe they are more likely than big stores to make this kind of arrangement, but call around to see what kind of arrangement you can make.

Secondly, if you can't find a rental or rent-to-own arrangement, see if you can arrange to practice in a local church. If you explain your situation, I think many churches would be happy to let your ds play on one of their pianos a few times a week for a few minutes...he will not need to practice that much at first.

Thirdly, just call EVERY place in town that offers piano lessons and see what the scholarship or financial aid potential is. I used to teach piano and taught a few kids at a lower rate than my normal rate, of course I didn't advertise this in order not to tick off the people paying the market rate, but for one family in particular who really could not afford the lessons, I was more than happy to make them a GREAT deal. But, I know a lot of private teachers can't afford to do this; I was living with my parents at the time so I didn't really need the $$ from teaching and I could cut my rates in half if need be.

You might see if someone knows a high school student who is good at piano who can teach your ds a few things for a very low fee. I taught piano in high school for like $5 a lesson.

I hope you can work this out and I believe that if you are creative and persistent, you can do it. Without ds' father's help. That truly sucks that he would do this to a child.








to you and your ds


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## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrskennedy* 
I don't think this would work in this case. Besides, it's totally not the same. Also not good for him with his need for routine, b/c if he ever gets the keyboard, he'll be all out of sorts then... Playing music on a crazy PC bx. a keuboard? No comparison, esp if you're trying to learn! It's ok to use a program if you already know music, aren't autistic, etc. But having a keyboard at home is truly the best option.

I know it's not the same. It was an idea to perhaps tide him over until she can work it out. Professional musicians do use computers..obviously very expensive ones but my DH was just wracking his brain and trying to help. That's all.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

mrskennedy, I sent you a p.m.


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## mrskennedy (Dec 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rainbowbird* 
I know it's not the same. It was an idea to perhaps tide him over until she can work it out. Professional musicians do use computers..obviously very expensive ones but my DH was just wracking his brain and trying to help. That's all.


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## mommy2maya (Jun 7, 2003)

Can you switch to an instrument that would be less expensive to buy outright? Since he hasn't started any lessons yet, that might be a different route to take. Also, the renting of whatever instrument he starts with, for the first year or so, might be better for you, as in, what if he decides three months from now that he REALLY doesn't like piano, then you are stuck with it.


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

I have only just read this Kali, after being offline all week. What a disappointed for your beloved boy and what a thoughtless thing for his Dad to do.

Surely he must have seen how crushed his son was







:

Peace


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2maya* 
Can you switch to an instrument that would be less expensive to buy outright?

The only other instrument that he's interested in learning is the violin.
It's actually pretty expensive in my area to rent instruments. I was told that going the piano/keyboard route would be cheaper in the long run.
It's not like I'm going to be spending thousands on an instrument. Just a mere $300.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Imogen* 
Surely he must have seen how crushed his son was







:

Hiya Imogen! His father is a cold person. I don't think it really registered in his brain how much he hurt ds's feelings (either that or he truly doesn't care). Ds is going to grow up mistrusting his father.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Ooh! I just went to the website of the store that the keyboard is at and found out that the Black Friday special applies to phone orders too!!!!!!!!!!!
That means an extra 20% off!

I'll be calling my mom (across country) in 30 minutes to let her know. Their special sale only lasts until 10am local time and I don't want it to become sold out.
Eek! Maybe I should call her now. Even though it's only 5:30am where she is. LOL


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

(kick. his. butt. out.! What is he still doing there? You let him spend the night?)








It will work out somehow.

ETA made it through the post. Call mum and wake her


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zonapellucida* 
(kick. his. butt. out.! What is he still doing there? You let him spend the night?)

He's not still here.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Update: My mom couldn't get through on the toll free number in time for the sale.
Don't know if she'll still order it at full price.


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## rachelle-a-tron (Apr 13, 2002)

Crap!!!!!!!!


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

That about sums it up.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

*Update*: My mom ordered it for me and even though it was past the sale time, they gave her the sale price because she tried calling for hours!!

I'll have to pay her back (starting with a hefty first payment of $100) but at least ds will have it.

Now I have to wait til the 26th to contact the music school about financial aid and setting up lessons.







I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay for these lessons but I'll make it work somehow!

I love my boy.


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## EvansMomma (Mar 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
*Update*: My mom ordered it for me and even though it was past the sale time, they gave her the sale price because she tried calling for hours!!

I'll have to pay her back (starting with a hefty first payment of $100) but at least ds will have it.

Now I have to wait til the 26th to contact the music school about financial aid and setting up lessons.







I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay for these lessons but I'll make it work somehow!

I love my boy.









That is awesome!!!
Your lil man sure is lucky to have you as his mama, ya know that?
Who knows - he may be the next Beethoven...or Yanni...whatever....


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## jellop (Dec 11, 2006)

Oh, I am so glad this is going to work out!







:







You are an awesome mama!!

So, have you told your son yet, or are you going to wait?


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Whoohoo for Grandma!!!

Think you could get your UA violation of an ex to pay for it anyway (ie, have her pay your mom back instead of you paying her back?)


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EvansMomma* 
That is awesome!!!
Your lil man sure is lucky to have you as his mama, ya know that?
Who knows - he may be the next Beethoven...or Yanni...whatever....









Aww, thank you! He loves classical music and wants to meet Andre Rieu soooooooo badly. LOL.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
Think you could get your UA violation of an ex to pay for it anyway (ie, have her pay your mom back instead of you paying her back?)

Um, doubt it. He didn't want to pay for it in the first place. Maybe I can get him to buy a piano bench. If I lay the guilt on. Heavily. And often.


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## CaliMommie (Feb 11, 2004)

I am SO happy to hear that your mom is helping you get him the instrument!







Let us know what happens when you call the school about the financial aid!


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## JustVanessa (Sep 7, 2005)

I am so glad this worked out for you and your ds.
Maybe a little chat with ex about promises is in order.

My dad promised me a pony that never appeared and it broke my 6year old heart.


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## AEZMama (Jul 24, 2005)

Oh-I wish I could call my old neighbors. They both work for NESM and teach out of their home. Not sure if she has experience with SN kids, but wait-when I talk to my old roommate I'll see if she can ask.

Are you near Boston?


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## rachelle-a-tron (Apr 13, 2002)

Yay!


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## Iris' Mom (Aug 3, 2007)

Yay about the keyboard. Hope you can guilt dad into some contribution. It's the least he can do for his child, especially after the broken promise.


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## LittlePeanut (Aug 11, 2006)

That's wonderful news! Yay for Moms!!!

LP


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AEZMama* 
Oh-I wish I could call my old neighbors. They both work for NESM and teach out of their home. Not sure if she has experience with SN kids, but wait-when I talk to my old roommate I'll see if she can ask.

Are you near Boston?

No, Boston isn't close by.


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

Man, when you thought he couldn't be more of an ass, he just adds onto it, doesn't he? I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that crap.

I'm glad your mom helped you out though!







:


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Thanks! It'll take a long while for me to pay her back but at least ds will have it.


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## AEZMama (Jul 24, 2005)

I just had an idea-are there any colleges with music departments near you? You could inquire about any students who might be taking classes in music therapies-maybe there is someone who might be interested in teaching ds for school credits?

Have you tried any local churches? Maybe some of their organists/pianists might be willing to teach ds-maybe you can do a barter type thing, like lessons for cleaning or something?


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AEZMama* 
Have you tried any local churches? Maybe some of their organists/pianists might be willing to teach ds-maybe you can do a barter type thing, like lessons for cleaning or something?

You know something, I didn't even think to ask the music director of my church. I'll send him an email and see if he'd be willing. Maybe he could do it on Sunday afternoons. We shall see. Thanks for the suggestion!


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## Himom (May 25, 2005)

I'm so glad things are looking up for your DS. You and your mom are heroes in his life...


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## 2 in August (Jan 6, 2006)

I missed this thread earlier, but I'm glad to see things are looking better even though his dad hurt him so badly. I hope things keep working out for the best for him.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

:







Grrrrrr....

That's all I have to say.
But then, you know me IRL. Ugh, I can't believe he'd do that to him.
I really hope something works out by his bday.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganf* 







:







Grrrrrr....

Yeah, his father is becoming more and more of a person that makes you say Grrrr. (that was my nice way of putting it.) I've got to have you come over some time when he's here so you can see what I have to deal with.
He just met my upstairs neighbor and after about 15 minutes, my neighbor looked at me with this look in his eyes like "holy cow, what is _with_ this guy?!"
But that's a whole other story.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
I've got to have you come over some time when he's here so you can see what I have to deal with.

I guess he was on good behavior when he was at my house. But then again we were outside the whole time and I was ignoring him







.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Yeah, try being in a closed room with him. He will be in your face and won't shut up. He'd probably try to parent your kids (even though he can't parent his own). If you leave the room, he'll still keep talking to you. I could go on but I'd violate the UA.


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

just found this thread today. so glad your mom came through!


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## prairiemommy (Sep 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
*Update*: My mom ordered it for me and even though it was past the sale time, they gave her the sale price because she tried calling for hours!!

I'll have to pay her back (starting with a hefty first payment of $100) but at least ds will have it.

Now I have to wait til the 26th to contact the music school about financial aid and setting up lessons.







I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay for these lessons but I'll make it work somehow!

I love my boy.









That is so awesome! You are one great mama!


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prairiemommy* 
That is so awesome! You are one great mama!

Thanks!







I certainly try.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

That's a terrible thing to do.







for your little one.

I just read the rest of the thread- I'm glad you are figuring out how to do it without the UA violations help.


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## AmyY (Jul 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
*Update*: My mom ordered it for me and even though it was past the sale time, they gave her the sale price because she tried calling for hours!!

I'll have to pay her back (starting with a hefty first payment of $100) but at least ds will have it.

Now I have to wait til the 26th to contact the music school about financial aid and setting up lessons.







I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay for these lessons but I'll make it work somehow!

I love my boy.









Yeah!


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
*Update*: My mom ordered it for me and even though it was past the sale time, they gave her the sale price because she tried calling for hours!!

I'll have to pay her back (starting with a hefty first payment of $100) but at least ds will have it.

Now I have to wait til the 26th to contact the music school about financial aid and setting up lessons.







I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay for these lessons but I'll make it work somehow!

I love my boy.









YAY!







SO HAPPY FOR YOUR DS!


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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

I just read through this entire thread and I am sooo happy your mom came through for you and your ds! Yay!!

On your ds's father...my cousin was like that with his kids, promising stuff and never coming through on it. Their mom never said anything negative, when they would come to her all excited saying "Daddy said he's going to buy me a (insert lavish gift here)!!" She would say "That sounds lovely" nearly biting her tongue off to stop herself from adding "you won't see that ever"

Now his kids are in their early teens, tired of Daddy's promises and don't speak to him. They don't go see him, they are old enough that they don't have to go for the visits if they don't want to, and he's stopped trying to see them claiming his ex "poisoned them against him."

If your ex is anything like that, odds are he'll never see the damage he caused, only that your son pulls away. People like that never "own" their actions.

I hope Karma delivered a big 'ol smack upside his head...and I'll be watching for news of your son as the next big thing!!


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## mrskennedy (Dec 24, 2006)

I'm so thrilled that it worked out for you and DS!!! Still sending positive vibes about the lessons and payments!


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Another update: Spoke with music director at church. He's too busy to give lessons.









Going to call the music school in the morning.

Edited to add: I took a pic of ds watching another boy play the piano at church today. I took the pic with my cell phone though so the quality is bad. If I can upload it, I'll post a link.
Ds was so enthralled!
I told him that I'm hoping to get him the digital piano and his eyes got all teary and he jumped up and down and squealed with joy.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

I put a pic of ds in my Momspace of him watching a boy at church play the piano.


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## chrysalis (May 8, 2007)

how cruel and heartless of your ex. i'm sooo sorry. hugs to you and your sweet son... you will figure out a way i'm sure of it.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chrysalis* 
hugs to you and your sweet son

Thanks. Hugs are good.


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## ediesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

what a beautiful boy.

i'm so glad your mom came through.......and you'll find the lessons. Is there a "Time Dollar" network near you? or the barter group on CL might have something.....

hugs for you and your little one.

i struggle with dd's fathers' broken promises and games. its so frustrating. for me I have to just remember to not expect much, then we aren't disappointed.

OT....at least your thread wasn't moved to parents as partners







:
hugs for that, too


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Don't think I've heard of Time Dollar network.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

This is my travelling thead. It's gone from TAO, to Single Parenting, to here. LOL.


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## PrennaMama (Oct 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
*Update*: My mom ordered it for me and even though it was past the sale time, they gave her the sale price because she tried calling for hours!!

I'll have to pay her back (starting with a hefty first payment of $100) but at least ds will have it.

Now I have to wait til the 26th to contact the music school about financial aid and setting up lessons.







I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay for these lessons but I'll make it work somehow!

I love my boy.









I am so glad that things are working out... it sounds like you have really _called_ it to you, kwim? Keep up the positive manifestation!

I skipped a few posts, but was surprised to read that you and dad are ex's... is this a new development?


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PrennaMama* 
I skipped a few posts, but was surprised to read that you and dad are ex's... is this a new development?

Why are you surprised? No, it's not new...It's been like that since I was a couple months pregnant.


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## PrennaMama (Oct 10, 2005)

Surprised because in the OP it read (to me, and consider the source, I have ADHD, and don't always catch the details....) like you were co-parenting as a unit... I read it like this was a conflict in your home, a decision that had been made by a dh, not an ex, kwim?

It's hard when you put work into parenting one way, and the other parent isn't co-parenting with the same basic model. I'm sorry.







:


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Nope, he's not my partner and we were never married. And he doesn't live with me.
(thank goodness).

Ok, enough about that.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

I haven't read through all of the responses, but I just wanted to ask if you've tried music students. When I was in college, most of us in the music school gave lessons pretty cheaply. (Heh, how much are Ramen noodles?) That may be a less expensive route to take.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
Another update: Spoke with music director at church. He's too busy to give lessons.










Wait -- you spoke with both the music director at church and the pastor and this is as compassionate a response as you got? No offer to find someone else, or some suggestions of where to turn? Our music director doesn't teach either, but he certainly would have offered a dozen contacts or more so you could find someone who could help you. No offer of odd-hours work for the church to earn the money? No offer of discretionary money from pastor to help buy the instrument? Nothing like that!?!?! You said you were a new member ... have you considered finding a more compassionate church? I'm really disappointed to hear that they weren't more helpful.

Since your son needs a teacher with experience with special needs, perhaps there is some sort of special-needs funding sources you can tap? The idea of trying for a teacher who is studying music therapy or similar sounded good too. But I'm wondering if there aren't some sort of special grants you might be able to tap into. Maybe a local (or not so local) music school would know? Or any agency or therapist you have worked with? Someone on the special needs forum here? Since you need a teacher with special skills, there must be some way to turn that into an advantage.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Well, I'm waiting to hear back from a local music school. I don't know if they have experience teaching special needs children but that's one of my questions. They also offer financial aid so I will see how much it will end up costing me.

Yeah, the church music director was not helpful _at all_. I was disappointed.
If the music school financial aid isn't enough, I'll go back to my minister and talk to her about this.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

*Update:* My mom's coming on Saturday (from across the country) and I don't have the money for the keyboard to give her. Doh!









Spoke with a few piano teachers. The lowest price I got so far was the assistant music director at church and she charges $25/30 minutes. I'd have to go to her place though. I don't think it's going to be an option. My car is having SERIOUS problems so I think I need to find someone to come to us.

I've put the search off until January though.


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## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

You teach him the basics. There are books, videos and websites.
Good-luck!


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