# Young moms dealing with dirty looks?



## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

I'm just shy of 21 and DS is 8.5 months, and I'm so sick of the looks I get every time we're out in public. (You know, the glares, the "poor baby" looks, getting snubbed by older moms, etc.) I know I'm a great mother, and my son knows it, but it just feels awful to know that so many others just assume the opposite based on my age. I always feel like I'm being judged on my parenting. Anyone else ever encounter this? How did you deal?


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## VaMountainMomma (Jun 6, 2005)

I feel like this a lot. I turned 21 this past April (although I look younger than what I really am a lot of the times), and expecially since I'm pregnant AND have a toddler. I guess people think I don't know what birth control is or something.

I just try to ignore it. I know it's hard though. But like you said, you know in your heart you are doing the right thing, so hang in there mama! ~hugs!~


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## Zyla (Nov 27, 2005)

This was true for me many years ago but I remember it well. I was 22 when my first son was born but I looked much younger -- years later, looking at photos of my baby and I, even I think I looked all of 16!

If it was just a look, I would ignore it -- who really knows why someone is looking grumpy at you?

But if someone makes a comment, or snubs you that's different. Just try to stay relaxed, focus on your baby, be yourself, do your best to ignore them.


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

I used to get this too, and it was horrible. I had my first one month shy of turning 21, and looked much younger (I still look young). I'm almost 27 now, and I've noticed that since having my second child the looks have greatly subsided. Not quite sure why? Maybe because it was around that time that I started to really try to ignore the looks and hold my head high. I still get looks and comments every now and then, but I try to laugh them off or have fun coming up with funny comebacks (well, i think they're funny!):

Them: Wow, you look so young to be a mother!
Me: "Well, thank you!" or, "Yeah, the botox has worked wonders" or "I love my beautician, she works miracles". or, "yeah, by todays standards anyways" (not funny but there's truth to it).

Sorry you're having to deal with it so much.







I know with me, I felt like I was constantly having to prove that I'm a good mom. Don't fall into that trap...not good for you or your child. Sounds like you know you're a great mama. Just remember that!


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Hugs to you mama. I deal with this all the time (need to move out of this small town with all these narrow minded people) and it is rough. It's getting a little better now that I have a toddler (and, frankly, he wears me out and makes me look and feel older







). I got pregnant at 18 and delivered at 19. I'm now 22 and still get nasty looks (and occaisionally comments). It's rough but YOU know you're a good mama so who cares what anyone else thinks?


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## frogguruami (Sep 21, 2004)

I remember when I was pregnant with DS1. I worked at Babies R Us. I did work in a psych ward but that isn't the best place for a pregnant woman!

There was this older lady that walked up to me one day and started shaking her head at me and said "Babies having babies". I looked at her and said "Excuse me" (In a I'm sorry what did you say sort of tone.) She said that she was just so upset that it was acceptable for girls to have babies. She continued to rant about how we wouldn't be able to take care of a baby because I would only be able to work min wage jobs, etc... I let her rant for a while then asked her how old she thought I was. She said 18 or 19. I said, Thank you, i was having a bad day and you have really made me smile. For your information I have a strong career in the behavioral health industry but since it is unsafe to work in a psych hospital while pregnant I have chosen to work somewhere that was safer for my unborn child. She began to say something, I'm not sure if it was an apology or a continuation. I interupted her and said. Not that is is ANY of your business but I am 25 years old. I think I am plenty old enough to have a child. Perhaps you should become a better judge of age before you judge people on their age.

I was so worried I was going to be fired for talking back to her but I guess she was too embarrased to say anything.

I guess my point is, not to worry about what people think. People are so bad at judging age and if they want to judge you they will find something wrong. Just stay away from those people and surround yourself with people that appreciate that you are a good mother.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amseiler*
People are so bad at judging age

Take a look at recent threads in TAO.... this proves that a lot of people are so very wrong when it comes to guessing ages (I'm no exception).


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

I'm so sorry you get those looks! I would give you a look of jealousy, 'cause I kinda wish I had started when I was much younger (I'm 35). This way, I could have had more kids and more energy to chase them all around! I think you're fortunate.


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## mrzmeg (Jul 16, 2002)

(((hugs))), OP. I was pg at 19 and got many of those looks; actually, more when pg than after I was with baby, but they did continue until after I started covering my hair for religious reasons (this seems to mask age pretty well, lol).

The only bit of advice I have is to wear an obvious wedding ring, or a ring that appears to be a wedding ring. It's a sad commentary on our society, but that really cut down on the looks I got.


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## pacifica (Apr 8, 2006)

I feel for you. I was 26 when I gave birth to my twins, but I have always looked much younger than my age. All the moms at playgroup are more in their 30's and I do feel they may judge me as a "less than" parent. They don't know my age, but I'm sure they think I'm much younger.

It's hard because a lot of these activities are my social life! I do take it more personnally because of that.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

I gave birth to my first child August 10th 2005, and I was 20. I am 21 now and my second child is due July 31st. I am married, responsible, stable, educated, and all the other things that those who give me the "looks" think I am not. Trust me those looks have gotten nastier ever since I started showing. Carrying around DS and being 8 months pregnant garners looks that could kill. They assume because of my age that I'm irresponsible, clueless, unmarried, and of course that I FF







: I can't wait to BF ds2 with ds1 right next to me. Grrrr all the naysayers can just go to H-E double hockey sticks....


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

I got that a lot when I was pregnant. I turned 21 the day after I found out I was pregnant and my wedding ring was off by my second trimester. So not only was I obviously pregnant (I gained 50lbs, most at the start of my 2nd) but my ring was off and I was being seen at a place where most of the patients were low-income or no-income and I was one of them. Oy did I get a lot of people telling me to put my baby up for adoption! It didn't help that dh didn't go to any appointments until the end (he started a new job in May and I was due in November.) It just sucked.

The playgroup I joined when Sarah was maybe 6 months old, was AP (actually a mothering playgroup) and none of the mom's judged me. However I was SOOOOO happy when a new mom came and made a comment about her sons turning her hair gray by the time she was 24. Made me so happy to have some one else my age! Everyone else was at least 30 at that time.


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

I was going to say move to NM, but I guess Elmh disproved that. Although I feel old at the mothering playgroup









Teen pregnancy is really seen as a norm around here.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I ad my frist at 19, I am 32 now but still look very teenagerish.
(14 year old boys have tried to pick me up lol....once when I was coaching highschool basketball - I WAS THE COACH, he asked me what gradeschool I came from as a pickupline....)
If you look a certain way that is different from what they expect people will look period usually followed with dumb comments.

But the age thing does get to me, especially since now I am 32.
*the nurse at my last son's birth @30 asked me if I was legally old enough to take custody of my child...... I howled! (yeah I have freckles I had metal braces on at the time and a pony tail sigh









I usually tell those dumb people I am pushing fourty








ask a dumb question get a dumb answer or the how old was the virgin mary when she became the world's greatest mom? she did a great job and how old was she?

Part of it is mom's are getting older (many over 40) with small babies and as you age you think you look younger as a group so like my friend turned 40 we went out dancing, she was commenting how young the people in line looked like they were her son's age (15) so I asked the people in front of us - all over 21... I was a younger mom 13 years ago, and now I am still age wise as many women are starting at 35-38...

actually my line is you really think I look that young? no way how old do you think I look hold on I am calling my husband/younger sister would you repeat that for him he's just not going to believe me....


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## mami_guera (May 4, 2006)

Hey mama, don't worry about it! I have gotten those looks ever since the first one 8.5 years ago when I was 18. Now I have 3 and I am just 27. I still get those looks! In fact the other day we went to get family pics done and the lady said to me and my dh, "Arn't you guys young to have SO many kids!" I just smiled and said THANK YOU!







:


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## lunasmommy (Jun 30, 2005)

I got prg at 18 and had dd at 19 and I used to get those looks ALL the time while I was prg, not too much after she was born, but still I know the feeling. Ah well, you know your a good mom and thats what matters.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eman'smom*
I was going to say move to NM, but I guess Elmh disproved that. Although I feel old at the mothering playgroup









Teen pregnancy is really seen as a norm around here.

New Mexico ranks number one in the country among pregnancy in 15-17 (or is it 19) year olds. However because of this, people are used to the poverty amongst teens and them paying for it and what not (with taxes) so you get weird looks. Also, the health system is so used to dealing with uneducated teens that when they get someone who is educated you're still talked down too. It's really annoying! God forbid I be young, pregnant and smart, let alone married (I married dh at 19, he was 2 weeks shy of 21) they freak! And people are always suprised my mother isn't raising her because that seems to be the norm here.


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## BennyPai (Jul 22, 2005)

I don't get a lot of looks anymore (guess I'm starting to look older-not sure how I feel about that







). I am still quite a bit younger than most of the mothers around here. Some of the local moms group were having a discussion, and they decided I was the youngest mom in the group of more than 30 women. I've always clicked with older women - but it felt strange to be singled out.

Dh & I were married a week after my 20th birthday.... we got some funny looks on our honeymoon. I was literally told by a clerk that I looked "about 16." I've never been into wearing makeup and styling my hair, so I guess that didn't help...








Try not to stress about perceptions of strangers. The people who matter in your life will know who you are as a mother.


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

I am 22, have a 2 year old and am 9 mo. pregnant with #2. I look like I'm 14; I'm 5 feet tall and just an all around petite woman. When dd was born I got a ton of dirty looks and people looked freaked out when I was nursing my babe in public. Probably because they thought I was her babysitter. I moved to a military town when she was 4 months old and no dirty looks since then since there is a TON of young mamas with lotsa young kids. I look at it this way - I look like I'm 14 now so when I'm 30 I'll look like I'm 22. That can't be a bad thing.


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## MommaCrystal (May 25, 2006)

The other day I was at the park with my 7 month old. The place was pretty empty because school is still in session but there were a few moms and even a few grandmas.

One lady pushing her child in the swing next to me said "I heard the highschool has an onsite baby daycare, you should look into it." I didn't get it, I said "They do? Do you know someone who does that?" She said "No but you should put that baby there so you can finish school!"

I started laughing! I told her I graduated highschool 10 years ago and have since earned a bachelors and a masters degree, I've been married 5 years and bought my first house three years ago.

She turned BRIGHT red and started stammering! I asked her how old she thought I was. She said around 15. I told her I am 28! She picked up her kid and walked away.


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

Thanks for the hugs, everyone! It helps to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. I like mrzmag's wedding ring idea, I'll have to try that one out.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

I deal with this a lot, too. I am 22 (almost 23) and have three kids. I am getting so incredibly fed up with the rude comments. I literally get them CONSTANTLY. I am a very patient and nice person, but I am at the end of my rope. I swear the next time someone says something, that they are going to feel my claws. I have had a couple of people make nice comments about me having kids, but they are few and far between. I work really hard to give my kids a good home and good family, and I had a terrible life growing up. So having people make rude comments to me like this really p!ss me off something awful.

My dh is 26 with a master's degree and has been a college professor (now in pharmaceuticals), so when people make comments to him, he tells them all about how he's not young and to p!ss off. I love him.


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## mummy marja (Jan 19, 2005)

I'm 27 and I still get comments once in a while. I don't mind looking young, but I do mind that people automatically assume I'm not very smart. It's mostly "you look way too young to be a mother!" and i just say "Thanks!" My mom got this all the time, and now she gets, "You look way too young to be a grandma!" She's 55 and looks 40. I'm 27 and people think I'm 20-ish.


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## Tonia80 (Jun 10, 2006)

I have soooo been there and still am. I had my first at 21 and looked about 16 then and now at 26 I look about 18 or 19 and have three, count em three kids! I get so annoyed at times I want to wear a shirt that says "I am 26!" I KNOW it should not matter at all to me but its hard to feel judged esp about something like parenting ability pertaining to my age, KWIM? I have even gotten a few rude comments. One elderly woman came up to me in a restaurant when I was preggo with my third and shoke her head sadly and said "babies having babies". I smiled politly and told her I was 25 but she didn't blieve me and walked away. the worst was in a pizza place one time waiting for my order I had one of my sons with me and he was being a little hyper, as kids can be. (he was 4 at the time) I mean, not really bad, just kept standing on the bench and I had to remind him to sit down a couple times. The guy behind the counter eyed my pregnant belly and said "And you want to bring ANOTHER one into the world?" OHHH!!!! I was soooo pist I just walked out. Could killed him with my hormonal rage going on! Cuz not only was he implying I was incapable but that my kid was a terror. Of course, it did not help that I was teher with my little brother who was 16 so I am sure we looked like some teenage couple. (my brother was pretty mortified to realize this) LOL
Like someone above mentioned, I have the energy now to chase after them and I will sure be gratful for looking so young whne i am in my 40's.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I'm 22, my DS was born 1 week exactly before my 22nd birthday. I can't count the number of "Tsk tsk tsk, babies havin babies." crap I've gotten I usually just ignore it because it comes from women in their 40's...

I'm a dang good mom, my son is very well cared for. My DH has a great job, we aren't mooching off of anyone.

Am I college educated? No, I don't do school well. But I'm going to be working somewhere soon where I'll get to be manager in a few years, thats pretty good.


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## celestialdreamer (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mummy marja*
My mom got this all the time, and now she gets, "You look way too young to be a grandma!"

Yeah my mom gets that all the time! When she started her new job last year at a local nursery type place I came to visit her with my dd (who was probably about 18 months). Apparently all her coworkers thought my dd was HER dd and I was the babysitter







My mom thought it was hilarious to tell them nope, that was her granddaughter, that her kids were (at the time) 24 & 21.

When I was about 5 months pregnant with ds, my mom, my dd and I were out to eat at a restaurant and ran into the neighbors from the house we lived at when I was a teenager. The woman was *shocked* that I was having another baby, and told my mom that she'd have her hands full and to call her if she ever needed any help with her grandkids. My mom said "Um.... I think Rebecca is the one with her hands full, I just get to do the fun grandma stuff". This woman told my mom that she thought that my mom was raising Anna and then would be doing the same with baby number 2.







: Hello, I'm 25, I'm a former pediatric nurse and I'm married! When I told her that, she turned bright red and quickly said goodbye. I don't think I look young, I think I look my age, but apparently some people think mid-twenties is still too young.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

blah. There's no winning with this one. Everyone under 30 is big sister or babysitter, everyone over 30 is grandma.

I just let it slide. It's their unrightful judgement, not yours.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

My mom gets the 'too young' thing, but she had me young (just a month past her 20th bday) and I had my DS young so we're a young mama family....my grandma had just turned 17 when her first DS was born.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

my grandma had her oldest at 19, who had HIS oldest at 15! She was a 34 yo grandma! My parents think they're too young, and they're in their mid 40's!


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## FrozenMommy (May 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *celestialdrmrmama*
Yeah my mom gets that all the time! When she started her new job last year at a local nursery type place I came to visit her with my dd (who was probably about 18 months). Apparently all her coworkers thought my dd was HER dd and I was the babysitter







My mom thought it was hilarious to tell them nope, that was her granddaughter, that her kids were (at the time) 24 & 21.

My mom (59), sister (33) and I (28) all look much younger than we are - we have the chipmunk cheeks, fair skin, the whole nine yards. My sister just had her first baby and so my mom just became one of those "you can't be a grandma yet!" people.....people are always shocked when they find out her oldest is 33 yrs old









OP, I feel your pain; I'm not a mama yet (except to my kitties







) but as someone who has ALWAYS looked way young I can sympathize! When I was 26, I moved to a different state and while opening a new bank account the teller asked me if I was old enough to sign for the account myself.







:


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## oldcrunchymom (Jun 26, 2002)

I am 33 and my mom is 52. We both look very young and I still get mistaken for a teenager on a regular basis. People are shocked to learn I have a 10 year old.







I've even had people say, "Are you SURE you're the mom?" when I'm with my kids (implying that I'm lying and that I'm really the babysitter or big sister).







I just answer that I was there when they were born so I'm pretty sure, and that my young looks are genetic. Then I ask them how old they are and how much their AARP membership is setting them back this year.

(Just kidding about the AARP thing. Sort of.)


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

or how about of course I look so young, I am a trophy wife after all









People are just plain ignorant period.
I think they want you to be ultra young so they don't look so old.
It does bother my husbands' friends wife who is constantly bragging people tell her she looks 28... I wish I have never gotten above 23. But she does look older her skin has wrinkles and sags (thank god for sunscreen









I get stupid comments even not with my kids once I was training this girl (I was the manager at a very large fortune company in finance)... she asked who my dad was as it was pretty lucky for me to get such a high level highschool coop job....lol.

but also my dh looks like he's in his young twenties, when he started his new job they had a pool going on how old he was they guessed between 19 and 22... he's 32, but he's got all his hair, no paunch. I always think its odd as I am like 170lbs back when I was 15 girls were much thinner my body even with my face would have had people assume I was in my thirties way back then.


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## la mamita (Apr 10, 2005)

I'm young (21) and I look even younger. People frequently assume that I'm the sister or the babysitter, and that my mom is the mama. I just think it's funny that people's assumptions are so far off. I've never gotten any rude comments, but I'd love for someone to try! Most people that know me or have any idea about who I am know that I've always been really mature, that I'm really well-educated and that I have a lot of experience taking care of kids. So if someone tried to imply that I was a bad parent because I am young, I would laugh in their face, frankly.

I do have trouble finding mamas who are the same age as me. It seems all the AP parents around here are 28+, married and are planning to SAH and have more kids. I live with my parents (by choice! they're wonderful), am not married and am going back to college in September.


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## kristenburgess (Sep 15, 2002)

I get the same thing and it's pretty annoying. I'm 24 with three kids. I hate comments about birth control and vasectomies, heh. I try to let it slide because I love my kids, but sometimes when I'm really stressed it bothers me a lot. It seems like I get the looks when I'm tired and when DS1 is having a meltdown and I need support. But I just get the whole "should have waited till you were older" look.

It's better with Dh because he's 29 and looks older. But I look pretty young and think I'll always get those looks. I just stand tall and proud and know I'm making the right choices for my kiddos.


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## SaraBravo (May 28, 2006)

it


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## SaraBravo (May 28, 2006)

it seems so hard for people to understand these words , " judge not lest ye be judge" and " do unto others as you would have them do unto you". we have no problem preaching these words but living by them is soo much harder.

I am 19 and am pregnant with my 1st baby she is due on my 20th birthday. i know about those stares. i hate them soo much!!! they make me want to scream. i am lucky though, no one has made any comments to me, at least not to my face.
i wish it was easier for people to live by those words (even myself).
i admit there have been times when i have thought to myself "that girl is too young to be a mom". i didn't mean to think that and i feel sooo bad for those thoughts now. especially since i know people are thinking that about me now.


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## kittynpokey (Apr 20, 2005)

hi mama i know how you feel. i had both of my DCren before i was 21ys old. i must look real young for my age to cause i still get asked for my id to buy scratch off tickets and to turn them in







i also remeber we i went to the store to buy my DD some cough medicine i had both of my DCren with me but they asked for my id.







i know that they are supposto for that stuff but come on. are you for real! i just stay right back of say a smart remark to who ever im with just slighley under my breath. or the best is when i take my almost 16yr old bro out shopping with me (DD loves her Uncle Billy) everone looks at me like i robed the cradle







: . GL mama. dont let it bother you.








Lisa


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amseiler*
People are so bad at judging age...

A little OT, but I have a great example of this. When ds1 was about three months old, I was walking out of our LC's office to the elevator. Admittedly, I was dressed like a new mom - hair pulled back in a pony tail, t-shirt, sweats, etc.

An older woman held the door for me, and made a comment about how "you young mothers need all the help you can get".

I replied, "oh, I am not that young" She said, "You are what, 23? 24?" - but in a way that made it sound like she really thought I was younger than that, and trying to add a couple of years to be nice.

I replied, "I just turned 33." She was visibly surprised.

Siobhan

- my OB was shocked when I told him I was nearly 35 when I had my second. But my intern, who just turned 22, often passes for 30. Go figure.


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## AuntMissy (Sep 17, 2004)

I had DS when I was 22. I'm 26 now and people STILL ask what highschool I go to.









I had this lady at the grocery store last year actually arguing with me. She's like "you HAVE to be in highschool!" I kept saying "nope, I've been out for some time now" and she just wouldn't believe me.









I'm always the youngest in groups of mothers. But it doesn't bother me too much. I feel insecure about it every once in awhile wondering what they think of me being younger than them...but not too often. I've actually always gotten along much better with people that are older than me anyway.


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## Persephone (Apr 8, 2004)

I know I look pretty young. I'm almost 24 (man, I'm old!







) Dd is nearly 5 months. I don't remember any looks or anything when I was pg, or now. My friend (same age as me) had her first at 18, just after high school. She told me she got lots of looks (she was unwed, and the baby wasn't on purpose). I told her I hadn't noticed any of that with me, even though I still look 16. She said, "maybe that ring on your finger has something to do with it." I said, "good point".







Get a ring that can pass for a wedding ring, and wear it all the time. No one will bug you.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I'm 19 but I look older. It's pretty common where I live for moms to be young, so I don't catch too much crap about it. I used to work at a convenience store (I was 18) and another cashier there was 21. Well we'd get bored and ask people how old they thought we were. Everyone thought he was 18 or so (he's 5'1 and has no facial hair) and I got anywhere from 21 to 29! You know that TLC show 10 years younger? I need them! lol! My brother had a friend over once (I was 17 at the time) and his friend thought I was his mom! (We're all of a year and a half apart) lol, so I know what you guys mean about a bad judge of age! I just happen to get it backwards. I'm just hoping I stay looking 21-29 well into my 30's!


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## Siana (Jun 21, 2004)

I have a friend who is 33, who looks like she's 15 (honestly, no kidding), and I think she gets dirty looks quite frequently.

Her kids are 7 and 3, and she is a nanny for two other children, aged 4 and 5. She tells me whenever she goes out with all, people ask her "Are those all your kids". When she says "No" they get a very relieved look on their faces. Then she says, "The oldest and youngest are mine." They look at her like she has two heads









For myself on the other hand, I had my first at 19, but everyone thought I was 26, so I didn't experience the any dirty looks for that (though the hospital where I delivered my DC1 at treated me like crap, and I'm fairly sure it was because of my age... or perhaps my ethnicity?... hmm never looked at it from that angle before).


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## Shell_Ell (Jun 13, 2005)

Honestly, I think it's alot in how you carry yourself. Your confidence level? I've never had a dirty look. And if I have, I guess I didn't notice. I'm 23. My DH is almost 27 but looks rather young and he says that he's gotten looks sometimes. But I think that has more to do with the fact that he's not as confident out in public with him as he is at home.


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## Bethla (May 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaCrystal*
She turned BRIGHT red and started stammering! I asked her how old she thought I was. She said around 15. I told her I am 28! She picked up her kid and walked away.

In her face! Why is it that strangers feel so compelled to make comments to people? What is that innate human desire to make our stupid opinions known to the world?

My first pregnancy was at 18 and one of my co-workers walked up to me and said, "I'm so proud of you." and I asked, "Why?" (thinking it had something to do with work). She replied, " I'm proud of you for keeping your baby and not getting an abortion."

I was totally blown away-who says that to a 8 month pregnant woman-or any woman for that matter. Just because I was a young mom did not automatically mean that I ever once contemplated abortion. (No way am I judging anyone else about their choices).


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

Maybe it's where you live? I lived in OR and WA when DS1 was little (I just turned 19 when I had him) and I never got any kind of weird looks or comments.


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

your not the only one who gets dirty looks, or comments, under the breath. mine might not much related to yours in the aspect of being a mom etc. but i know how you feel in the area of how people treat you, and how they judge you not by who you are but the fact that your young etc.

im a male and im a nanny, i may not be a girl but I AM nurturing and i take great care of the kids that are in my care, how? i listen to them, i lsiten to the parents, i treat them like my younger brothers or sisters pretty much MY KIDS, i concern deeply for them and have just the same instincts as a girl would, i am very careful, very nurturiung and more, i wish the same that people would look at me for who i was rather than what some statistics would show or what some sterotypes would say.








s

you are not alone.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

I get this all the time. I just turned 27 last week and I look about 18. I have 3 children, ages 5, 3 and 5 months. I went to Walmart with my kids and my mom once and my son asked rudely for stickers at the door. I said, "You can't have any if you ask like that," and the man handed DS a sticker and said, "Don't tell your mom." I looked at him like he was a moron and said, "I AM his mom!" The guy didn't believe me







: Another thing I get a lot since #3 was born is that I go out alone with just her and people ooh and ah over her and then ask, "So is this your first?" When I say its my third they don't know what to say! It REALLY doesn't help that my wedding rings still don't fit. I think I better get some kind of ring!


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## mom2booman (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Poot*
I gave birth to my first child August 10th 2005, and I was 20. I am 21 now and my second child is due July 31st. I am married, responsible, stable, educated, and all the other things that those who give me the "looks" think I am not. Trust me those looks have gotten nastier ever since I started showing. Carrying around DS and being 8 months pregnant garners looks that could kill. They assume because of my age that I'm irresponsible, clueless, unmarried, and of course that I FF







: I can't wait to BF ds2 with ds1 right next to me. Grrrr all the naysayers can just go to H-E double hockey sticks....
















same here...you sound like me....


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sharlla*
Maybe it's where you live? I lived in OR and WA when DS1 was little (I just turned 19 when I had him) and I never got any kind of weird looks or comments.

Yeah I live in WA and have never really had any mean comments. I've had people who are very surprised to hear I have two children at 24 (first at 18 second at 21) but they've only acted surprised not rude. However, some people think that my mom is the the mom when she's out w/ the girls...ha ha. She tells them she's the grandma and they all tell her she's too young to be the grandma. She had me(her oldest) at 25 and all my siblings before she turned 30.


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## mamamilkbar (Jun 28, 2005)

I'm 19 and currently have 1 DD who is almost 20 months--she was born when I was 17 (2 months shy of 18) and I'm due ANY day now with #2 (EDD was the 10th). I get looks and glares ALL the time. I think it's gotten a little better than it was but it seems to be worse/more I guess when I'm out with my other friends the same age who have kids. OR If I'm with my cousin and her kids & they think they're all mine.. One thing that really annoys me is if I'm somewhere with my mom people will tell her that HER kid is so adorable.. then they find out she's mine and start going on the whole my mom is too young to be a grandma!









I think it all depends where you live though....


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## la mamita (Apr 10, 2005)

...


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## REDBREAST (May 6, 2006)

I had my first when I was nineteen and at the time I looked thirteen, so I got plenty of stares, cooments and really rude behavior. I virtually get no respect from the moms that have kids in my ds's class, as they all think I am some irresponsible bad mama. I get a little respect from the mamas in my dd's class, cause I look a little older, so they assume that I must have been at a somewhat "decent" age to have her.

I have learned to harden myself and to only associate with the parents who are not trying to judge me. Even though I am almost 33 now, I look about nineteen, which I have a love/hate relationship with. Nowdays a lot of people think my ds is my brother, he is taller than me and is my mirror image, this of course does not help! The worst is when complete strangers come up to my face and feel the need to let me and my kids know how they feel about such a young "girl" having babies. I know this is something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my kid's growing years, and sometimes it gets hard!!!


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## LilMama23 (Jul 8, 2005)

I get this all the time. I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when I had DD, and at 20 I still look like I'm about 14. I've had strangers come up to me and say, "Is she yours? You don't look old enough" and I just say "Oh, thank you!" like it's a compliment. Honestly, I'm so glad that I am going to have my kids young and be done by 30 - my parents were almost 40 when I was born and I've always wished they were younger.
The thing that really gets me is that I live in such a mainstream area, and when people find out I CD or cosleep, their first reaction is, "Oh, you're young, you don't know any better." That drives me absolutely insane!


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## Shirelle (May 22, 2006)

I hear ya! When I became a Mom, I stopped telling people my age. Now people usually think that I'm older, so I don't get it as much as I used to. I had my first child at 20, and boy did I get a lot of slack for it! I also got a lot of people telling me to wait to have more children, or just be appalled that we would be trying to have another baby! I've gotten to where I'm proud of my age. I've accomplished a lot for a 23-year old! I can hold my own with any mom, of any age and now that I have two kids I feel even more confident in my abilities as a Mom. And you know what? I'm glad that I did it this way







I remember one Mom in a playgroup who was 41 when she had her first child (not knockin' 41 yo's







) and she told me flat out that I was way too young to be thinking about having a brother/sister for my son.....she was a very cultured, well-travelled, interesting woman. In the next breath, she was telling everyone how out of all the things that she had ever done, motherhood was the MOST fulfilling AND the toughest. And I thought, "Well, I guess I've already accomplished what you consider to be the most difficult challenge you've ever undertaken". It really put it into perspective for me. I'll travel the world later, after I've raised my precious babies.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

I look young for my age too.. but I just think to myself..

well you know what "beeyatch" when I am 30/40/50/60 years old, I'll STILL look young for my age!














:

no one will say anything then!


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## snuggly mama (Mar 29, 2004)

My oldest was born when I was 20 but looked about 16, and I got lots of looks, comments, etc. The day after we came home from the hospital, I called an LC in tears because dd wouldn't latch. She said, "Oh, honey, you're too young to be breastfeeding. Give the poor baby a bottle so she doesn't starve". I swear to you that is a direct quote! Nobody seemed to care that I was graduating college with a 4.0, happily married, and had tons of experience with babies.

Now I'm 31 and look at least my age, so no one bats an eye!


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

I have a friend who had her oldest at 14--he's almost 13 now. She gets zero respect from his teachers or his friend's parents because of her age. It's not like she's a teenager anymore,and even if she was she's still his mother!

I had my twins a few weeks before my 20th birthday and DD 5 days after my 24th. The new baby will come right before I turn 26. Now, I think I look my age but apparently most people don't for some reason and I do occasionally get the dirty looks. I don't wear jewelry that doesn't screw into my body (I lose everything) so I don't wear a wedding ring even though I've been married for several years. The worst comments were during my first pregnancy because I'd had a pretty easy life until then and I looked about 12--people would actually come up and tell me what a horrible mother I was going to be for getting pregnant so young. My standard response was, "Whatever, hag." Hey, I was hormonal.


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sharlla*
Maybe it's where you live? I lived in OR and WA when DS1 was little (I just turned 19 when I had him) and I never got any kind of weird looks or comments.

Yeah, that probably has a lot to do with it . . . I live in the suburbs, and you don't see too many under-25's with babies. (Let alone carrying said baby in a sling, NIP, etc.) That's another thing, finding crunchy/AP younger mamas! It's impossible around here!


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## Summerland (Aug 9, 2005)

I had my son when i was 20, and now im 24 and pregnant again. I still get looks, most people guess my age at 15-18, its very annoying! But i guess i will like it eventually my mom is 43 and people think she is around 30. Usually it's not too bad, but when i took my son to preschool i felt very fingered out, since all the moms in this (rich) neighbourhood are around 40ish, plus we dont own a house, we live in a basement suite. I need a shirt saying i was born in 81 screw off!!


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## HRC121799 (Aug 8, 2003)

I had my older ds a week after I turned 18. Dh & I had been married for 4mos. when he was born. I had my second ds when I was 21. I've never gotten *dirty* looks exactly, but I've gotten strange looks, and the exclamation "you don't look old enough to have two kids!" My Mom, sister & I all look very young. My Mom is in her 50's and can pass for 30. My sister is 31 and could go for 20 easy. She has a 7 year old & an almost-10-year old.

The one person closest to my age who's an AP parent just moved about 7 hours away. ALL our friends are in their 30's! It's hard, no one is exactly at the place we are, so it's hard.


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## wende (Oct 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2Sweeties1Angel*
I have a friend who had her oldest at 14--he's almost 13 now. She gets zero respect from his teachers or his friend's parents because of her age. It's not like she's a teenager anymore,and even if she was she's still his mother!

I had my oldest at 15 (in Oregon) and I get the same thing. The other moms at gymnastics and dance class won't even talk to me. I get the "you're not old enough" comments all the time. I get the dirty looks and have since dd was born. Now that she's 14 and taller than me by at least 2 inches I get the "you two look alike, you must be sisters" and then a confused look when I tell them that she's my daughter. Their teachers never treated me the way that they treated the other parents. I was often spoken to like I was too stupid to understand what was going on. Once when I went to pick my oldest up from school (she was in the 2nd grade) and I walked into the office for a pass one of the office workers said "oh, I saw you walking through the halls and though you were one of our students"...I was 22 at the time! I'll be 30 in a couple of months and I don't see an end in sight. The only time that I don't get comments or looks is when I've only got the youngest one or two with me. Then I look like a youngish mom but perfectly old enough to be beginning my parenting journey.


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaCrystal*
The other day I was at the park with my 7 month old. The place was pretty empty because school is still in session but there were a few moms and even a few grandmas.

One lady pushing her child in the swing next to me said "I heard the highschool has an onsite baby daycare, you should look into it." I didn't get it, I said "They do? Do you know someone who does that?" She said "No but you should put that baby there so you can finish school!"

I started laughing! I told her I graduated highschool 10 years ago and have since earned a bachelors and a masters degree, I've been married 5 years and bought my first house three years ago.

She turned BRIGHT red and started stammering! I asked her how old she thought I was. She said around 15. I told her I am 28! She picked up her kid and walked away.






























That's one of the best stories I've heard in a while about this. Thanks for sharing! Serves that lady right!


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wende*
I had my oldest at 15 (in Oregon) and I get the same thing. The other moms at gymnastics and dance class won't even talk to me. I get the "you're not old enough" comments all the time. I get the dirty looks and have since dd was born. Now that she's 14 and taller than me by at least 2 inches I get the "you two look alike, you must be sisters" and then a confused look when I tell them that she's my daughter. Their teachers never treated me the way that they treated the other parents. I was often spoken to like I was too stupid to understand what was going on. Once when I went to pick my oldest up from school (she was in the 2nd grade) and I walked into the office for a pass one of the office workers said "oh, I saw you walking through the halls and though you were one of our students"...I was 22 at the time! I'll be 30 in a couple of months and I don't see an end in sight. The only time that I don't get comments or looks is when I've only got the youngest one or two with me. Then I look like a youngish mom but perfectly old enough to be beginning my parenting journey.

Wow, that's rude. And it's ridiculous that you're *still* getting this at age 30. Do you ever call them on it?

I'm 26, and have a mom friend who is at least 10 years older. We both have kids the same ages. She tells me (and seems sincere) that people make such comments because they're jealous. She said that many--not all, of course, but many--wish they would have started having children earlier in life. I had another friend who is in her late 30s say this to me as well. I don't think they were trying to make me feel better either, lol. Who knows?


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## la mamita (Apr 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaley*
I'm 26, and have a mom friend who is at least 10 years older. We both have kids the same ages. She tells me (and seems sincere) that people make such comments because they're jealous. She said that many--not all, of course, but many--wish they would have started having children earlier in life. I had another friend who is in her late 30s say this to me as well. I don't think they were trying to make me feel better either, lol. Who knows?

haha, really? i think (what i've gleamed from discussing young parenthood with other people) that most people who have a negative opinion think that young parents aren't as good of parents, because they think that young parents are immature, don't have enough patience, often don't understand the responsibilities involved with parenting, can't support their kids because they can't finish their education, etc. obviously, we all know that these are just assumptions--whether or not they are true for an individual really depends on that person, not their age. i think that the jealousy thing MIGHT be true for parents who started in their mid-twenties (if that's even considered "young", which i don't think it is) but i really don't think that that would apply for someone like me, who got pregnant at 19. i'm very blessed to have the life that i do, but i can't imagine anyone being jealous of it! it has not been easy! FTR: i would define young parenthood as having children before graduating college, so before 21 or 22. i know all don't go to college or plan to, but it seems like that's an age where society views us as "real adults".


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

Hi La Mamita, I'm in no way denying that what you said is usually the case. Believe me, I wasn't a teen mother, but was pregnant and unwed at age 20 (still considered adolescence, lol) and have been the recipient of more stares and comments than I can count. I guess it is naive of me to think that there might be truth to what they said, and these things were not said to me until I was in my mid-20s.


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

I was out in the yard playing with ds just a couple days ago when a neighbor I had never met before comes strolling by and asks "so are you babysitting or is he yours?" he's mine thanks! "how old are you?" 22









When my mom and I go shopping or out to lunch with ds people think he's hers.

I really hate the "young moms are stupid and irresponsible" stereotype. I know that my extended family looks at the fact that I had ds at home, don't vax, left his penis intact, breastfeed, and co-sleep as the result of being young, poor, and "undignified" rather than being a result of hours upon hours of research and reflection.


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## la mamita (Apr 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaley*
Hi La Mamita, I'm in no way denying that what you said is usually the case. Believe me, I wasn't a teen mother, but was pregnant and unwed at age 20 (still considered adolescence, lol) and have been the recipient of more stares and comments than I can count. I guess it is naive of me to think that there might be truth to what they said, and these things were not said to me until I was in my mid-20s.

oh, i totally believe that they were probably telling you the truth! there are many women who DO wish they had started having kids younger in life and not waited until 35 or 40 and that look upon those who have kids already at a young-ish age with some envy. i was just reading in the price of motherhood (great book, btw) about many career-women who start a family in their late 30's or early 40's and regret waiting so long, because of fertility problems, the stress of saving for retirement, having less energy, etc. (not that that's applicable to all moms in their late 30s!) i can even see that, for me, i never had to interrupt a career to have kids. i just took time off of school and that's something that can easily be resumed without being negatively judged for taking time off (as opposed to taking time off during a career which can have serious financial repercussions). so being my age is probably better than waiting another 5 or 10 years when i'd have to leave an established job to have kids.

i guess i was saying that with the really rude comments (like "hey, didn't someone tell you about birth control? har har) i would assume they're probably just being judgmental poopies.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

_i guess i was saying that with the really rude comments (like "hey, didn't someone tell you about birth control? har har) i would assume they're probably just being judgmental poopies._

Birth control? What's that?









Or how about "You DO know what causes that, don't you" at young pregnant women.

Yeah, it's got something to do with exposure to harmful radiation right?


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

People can be so judgemental...I got it when I had my oldest when I was 19...I got it when I had my last at 30. I was too young the first time, too old the last time. I want to know what the short little space of time is 'acceptable' to have a baby, you know?


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych*
Or how about "You DO know what causes that, don't you" at young pregnant women.

Yeah, it's got something to do with exposure to harmful radiation right?









No no no..... if you wear a skirt that goes above your knees. THAT'S what makes you have a baby. Didn't you know that?? I'm going to c+p a post I made on another website last month...

I took Owen to the ice cream place today and we were sitting at one of the picnic tables eating. I normally wear the "mom" clothes (jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers). Today was a rare day I was wearing something else (black shirt, jean skirt, and black boots). Okay, not exactly "mom" wear but it wasn't like I was standing out on a street corner







As Owen and I were sitting there eating some random lady comes up to me and says 'So you haven't learned your lesson?". I'm totally baffled by what she means so said "What lesson is that?". She gets this snotty face and says "The lesson that wearing clothes like that is what causes unwanted children" (said as she glances at Owen).







Holy crap! Who says stuff like that??? She was just standing there, like she was waiting for me to say something. I don't know if she wanted to start a fight or what. So, as I was packing Owen up (I certaintly wasn't going to stick around for him to hear anything else she had to say) I said to her "Wow, really? And all these years I thought it was sex that made my beautiful, very much wanted son. I guess I should go have a talk with that sex-ed teacher!" and walked away. Seriously cannot believe someone would come up to a total stranger and say something like that!


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

Steph, did you really say that? If so, that was good. (If not, I don't blame you...I always think of the best things to say later,lol)







What a horrible person she must be to say something like that. I just can't believe some people some times. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.


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## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

I get a lot of looks/comments too. its worse when i comment on how i can't wait for the baby to be born and the idiots think he's my first...I get "oh just wait its not like you think it will be...having a baby is more than dressing them up you know" to which of course i sweetly say "oh i'm well aware of that since my oldest is 15mos old...i'm not really looking forward to his first year but in order to have the toddler you must endure the baby"

of course keeping in mind that all teenage mothers (expecting) think that *babies* are soooo cute and sooooo fun to dress up etc. and of course they have NO CLUE that parenthood is way more than that. b/cuz of course not enough brains.

its so annoying.

it gets even worse when i'm out and about with ds...they say "oh wow you DO know what causes that right?"

and when they see my ds in his cloth diapers...

the list is endless. of course i look about 14 so I expected a certain amount of dirty looks...it was easier before my x left me i could honestly say (to my knowledge) my husband and I are thrilled to be expecting our second child


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## Jilian (Jun 16, 2003)

Some people are just rude. I like to say things like "You do realize that you just said that out loud right?"







I am 27, but most people think I'm 18 or younger so I sometimes get looks. It was REALLY BAD when I was pregnant. I had a women ask me if I was old enough to have a baby...I was freakin 8 mos pregnant at the time! My response was "It sure looks like it huh?" and I looked down at my belly.

My wedding ring stopped fitting around 5-6 mos preg so that added to the rude stares and comments. I would see people look at my belly, do a double take, then look at my ring finger and look disgusted. I started rudely telling people I was 23, married, and owned my own home and had a job making $45,000 per year. Then I gave up, I don't really care what rude people think of me anymore. I don't need to justify myself to anyone!

You get used to the stares and comments after a while and they stop hurting. Just look the person in the eye and smile and keep on walking.


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## BennyPai (Jul 22, 2005)

I find age-specific associations offensive, like this one:

This came from the Brangelina thread here:
(I'm 25. I became a mother at 23.)

Quote:

I think it's also, for some people and maybe for her, the difference between 25 and 30. And also the change that comes with becoming a mother.

At 24/25, I was a crazy bike messenger, taking lots of risks with my life, doing all sorts of weird crap, and definitely self-centered. Then I became a mom. By 30 (and now at 31), I hardly even recognized that person that I was. Actually, I think it was within the first year of being a mother that most of the change had occurred.


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## la mamita (Apr 10, 2005)

Somewhat derailing the thread, but how have you guys met other young mamas to hang out with?

I live in a crunchy town, I go to a lot of playgroups and am meeting some other AP/NFL mamas but they're all a lot older than me, are married, are done with school, etc. I think I'm going to contact the teen parenting center to be a mentor, and maybe I'll meet people through that. I'd love to meet some educated, young mamas--but I honestly don't think any exist in this town! Everyone waits to have kids.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I need to get out more! There are a lot of young moms around here, but they are all very mainstream, in an almost toxic way, very judgemental, so I keep to myself. I know there are crunchy mamas out there, I just never get around to looking for them. Most people are somewhere in between, but in my particular neighborhood (apartments stuck too close together) All I hear is crying kids and screaming parents all day.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaley*







Steph, did you really say that?









Yes. It was one of the rare times I thought of a comeback before I left







:

As far as meeting other young moms to hang out with- I haven't







Like frontierpsych- I live in an apartment and all I hear is kids crying, parents screaming, and tv's blaring.


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *la mamita*
Somewhat derailing the thread, but how have you guys met other young mamas to hang out with?

I live in a crunchy town, I go to a lot of playgroups and am meeting some other AP/NFL mamas but they're all a lot older than me, are married, are done with school, etc. I think I'm going to contact the teen parenting center to be a mentor, and maybe I'll meet people through that. I'd love to meet some educated, young mamas--but I honestly don't think any exist in this town! Everyone waits to have kids.

I met another young AP/NFL mom a month before I had DS (her DD is 2 mos older than my DS), but that was pure coincidence (our significant others worked together). She's my only friend now. Like the other posters, the other moms in my area are older (30s) and very mainstream. It gets lonely!







:


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## GruppieGirl (Feb 19, 2002)

My 17 yo SIL is great with my kids. She will take my 5 yo and 3 yo to the park, mall, wherever.

She said that she almost always gets weird looks and hears people whispering about her.

She is a strong girl and laughs about the attention!


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## PinksMommy (May 31, 2005)

Haven't read all the replies yet, but I have never really gotten any weird looks or comments because of my age.

I was pg at 19, birthed at 20 and am 21 now.

But in my community, that isn't especially young. It was very 'trendy' in my high school to have a baby and I knew several girls who were actively trying to get pg before graduation.

Even in my local AP group, I am by no means unusual. There is a good mix of young early 20's moms with all ages of kids as well as 30's+ moms too.

I don't think I look all that young though. I am not small or slender and I rarely get carded for buying alcohol.

I don't look any different than when I was 15, but I've never had anybody ask me how old I was or say I was young to be a mother.


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## PinksMommy (May 31, 2005)

I wanted to add that I live in a suburban area that is pretty upscale and conservative in a very red state. It is not crunchy or predominatly lower-class, but teenage pregnancy is still very common and to my knowledge isn't treated negatively.

One of my friends is my age and her DD is 4. She was married and had her in high school and finished school. When she graduated, her principal begged her to carry her dd when she walked to get her diploma because he wanted other girls to see her as a role model. She refused because her DD was scared of loud crowds, but I was shocked and surprised that the school was so encouraging to young mamas.


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## momsgotmilk4two (Sep 24, 2002)

My best friend was 17 when she had her first and is a great mom. I had ds 1 when I was 23, so I got a few, "Oh you look so young" comments, but nothing disapproving. I try to be extra nice to younger moms just because I know how much crap they get from everyone else!


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## momsgotmilk4two (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PinksMommy*
I wanted to add that I live in a suburban area that is pretty upscale and conservative in a very red state. It is not crunchy or predominatly lower-class, but teenage pregnancy is still very common and to my knowledge isn't treated negatively.

One of my friends is my age and her DD is 4. She was married and had her in high school and finished school. When she graduated, her principal begged her to carry her dd when she walked to get her diploma because he wanted other girls to see her as a role model. She refused because her DD was scared of loud crowds, but I was shocked and surprised that the school was so encouraging to young mamas.

Wow, that is so cool. When my best friend was pg in high school, they tried to make her leave and go to continuation school because they said it was a bad influence on the other girls







Thankfully she refused and got her diploma with everyone else


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BennyPai*
I find age-specific associations offensive, like this one:

This came from the Brangelina thread here:
(I'm 25. I became a mother at 23.)

I don't really find that offensive, but just relaying a personal experience...and there was a point there. Motherhood DOES change you. You are no longer self-centered, someone else is now the center of your life...no matter if you're 16 or 46.









People may judge with how THEY may have been at that age, not realizing that circumstances and experiences may have changed them too and they wouldn't have been as immature and unready as what they're judging others.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

Oh ya, I've had them all...the nasty comments, the rude stares, the obvious disgust, the guy who told me I "have balls. I mean that with the greatest respect." bleck, and my favorite: "you sure do have your hands full." My dh just told me that people tell him all the time "busy boy." nasty nasty nasty. It doesn't help that I'm 22 and have 4 kids.

Yes I know what causes it and I like it!!!

I've quit telling people my age because I don't have to justify myself to them. My line is "Eleanore of Aquitane ruled France & was Barroness of Acquitane @ 15." Give me a break! Having kids is fun & easy comparitively!

I went to a private school & wasn't allowed to cont. because I was pg. even though I was about to get married......

Someone on here has a siggie that says "if you think my hands are full you should see my heart." I love it and if you don't mind I'm going to borrow it! Ciao!


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## BennyPai (Jul 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alkenny*
I don't really find that offensive, but just relaying a personal experience...and there was a point there. Motherhood DOES change you. You are no longer self-centered, someone else is now the center of your life...no matter if you're 16 or 46.









People may judge with how THEY may have been at that age, not realizing that circumstances and experiences may have changed them too and they wouldn't have been as immature and unready as what they're judging others.










I agree with the statement that motherhood changes folks; I just don't understand the need to associate specific age - a new first-time Mama in her forties is still less experienced as a Mama than a veteran Mama in her twenties...







:


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## lauraheartslittle1 (Apr 12, 2006)

I'm in my late twenties and got carded for buying an action movie for my father for Father's Day (it was rated R and apparently, the clerk thought I was under 17). So of course, I get the condescending looks. I already have a Bachelor of Arts and will be working on a combined BSN/MSN in the next year or so. I guess I'll be grateful when I'm 50? But for now the condescentation and assumptions drive me batty.


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## Karry (Apr 10, 2002)

I have always looked young. I was 24 when I got pg with dd. I'm sure I looked 18 or 19 and probably got lots of looks. I remember when I was pg with ds2 everyone assumed he was my first baby. When I would tell them that no this was my third pg, they would ask me how old my other kids were and how old I was. I also get the "you have your hands full" comments.







:


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## shoefairy3 (Jun 15, 2006)

I am 24 and preggo with #4 and i still get grief from other people even tho, technically my last 3 babies were planned. Most people still dont think i am even old enough to have 1 let along 4







It makes it hard because often i feel like i have to justify myself







I just try to remeber that i chose to have my babies young and i will always be one hot mama


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## shoefairy3 (Jun 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Karry*
I have always looked young. I was 24 when I got pg with dd. I'm sure I looked 18 or 19 and probably got lots of looks. I remember when I was pg with ds2 everyone assumed he was my first baby. When I would tell them that no this was my third pg, they would ask me how old my other kids were and how old I was. I also get the "you have your hands full" comments.







:

lol..i get the "you have your hands full" comment all the freaking time. Especially since i work in a dept store and am very pregoo and many of my customers ask me if this is my first


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

i just look at it from the perspective that age does not = maturity. I will never prejudge someone by their age.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych*
i just look at it from the perspective that age does not = maturity. I will never prejudge someone by their age.

I agree with you on your comment. For example twins. My husband has a twin, and they are the complete opposite. Opposite as in their maturity levels.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

There is disadvantages and advantages to both being a young mom and an older mom..

why can't we just be treated equally?...

haha was that a naive question?


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## ndunn (Mar 22, 2006)

Oh my can I relate to this. I'm almost 22 and my dd is 2.5 months old. I always get looks when I'm out, especially since I take a city bus route that has alot of formula feeding teenage moms that take it too. I think I kind of blend in....except for the breastfeeding! People always give me funny looks and really stare until they see my ring finger....looks like they are just making sure I"m married and then they smile at me. Totally judgemental, I hate it.


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## SunShineSally (Jan 18, 2005)

hey another WNYer here I think I just posted to you in tribel areas too










I am 23 look like I am 17 I have been told when I went to a WIC appointment last year they aked me if I pump at school I looked at them odd and said no they then said ohh did you get your GED yet I said no I graduated 4 years ago they said ohh my god wow I am sorry I thought you were 16 or 17. I mostly get the sad smiles at tops or budways. When I have my nephew who I babysit I get the nasty looks from people I mostly just smile all sweet to them and they then shy away







so I also get the hands full comment the most with my nephew and Ds with me. BUT the hands full comment is the most annoying when it is just Ds and I and he is being super good just sitting and playing in the cart or in the Kozy (in the Kozy I can understand more since he is 2 and on my back but it is still annyong)

Okay there I go rambleing again!!
Karen and Baby Joe


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## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

I LOVE that I look young. My voice and the way I carry myself tends to give away my true age. But I was just shy of 19 when I delivered my first. Second is on the way now, and I just turned 24. And of course I still look young.

I still get curious looks, but I don't recall ever getting a mean look or a look of "knowing". If I suspect one may be coming my way, I tend to loudly say something intensely motherly and wise to my daughter







Or mysteriously, she will say something intensely wise at that exact moment on my behalf


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## studentmidwife (Apr 23, 2004)

I'm not a mother, but I do look much younger than I am. A few weeks ago I was working at the hospital (I'm a nurse) and one of the transport people came up to me. I wear a skirt and cover my hair for religious reasons, and she said, "You know what, you need to get out of your community. You need to go to school." Clearly she thought I was a poor brainwashed girl stuck in some religious cult. I was like, "Um, I have a college degree, I'm a nurse." She looked surprised and said, "That's really good!" I said, "Um, thanks," and walked away. I tried to laugh it off, but it made me mad.







:


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## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shoefairy3*
lol..i get the "you have your hands full" comment all the freaking time. Especially since i work in a dept store and am very pregoo and many of my customers ask me if this is my first

yep same here!


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## AdoptChina (Dec 7, 2003)

Im in my 30's (but people say I look younger) and get comments from people---mainly b/c I have a lot of kids and they say I don't look old enough etc....this usually happens when I have all 5 of the younger ones w/me....then of course I have to comment that there are 3 more at home







lol


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I'd love to have 8 kids. If I get on a roll I can have 'em before I turn 30!


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## witchbaby (Apr 17, 2003)

i had k when i was 24, m at 26-- i'll be 27 in a couple weeks. i look about 15, 17 on a good day. i'm short and "cute" (really, the only descriptor that works for what i look like) and wear pretty much exclusively jeans and t-shirts. when i was pregnant with k (about 36 weeks or so), i was at the grocery store and a complete stranger came up and started a little small talk about me being pregnant, then asked "is the father happy about it?" i was dumbfounded. i stammered out a "yes" and got away fast. i still can't believe she thought she had a right to ask me that-- i'm pretty sure she wouldn't have asked an older looking woman.
i got a lot of looks while pregnant with m, toting around toddler k (it got worse when she broke her leg due to histiosytomia: we got glares like we belonged on cops or something). always fun!


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *witchbaby*
i was at the grocery store and a complete stranger came up and started a little small talk about me being pregnant, then asked "is the father happy about it?"

oh I got that one all the time! Our apartment manager even had the nerve to ask me that when I brought the rent by one day. ds was 100% planned and I really didn't know what to say but I just said "of course." It seems like people can't comprehend that you can have a planned pregnancy and also be young, in school, not married, and not rich....


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

My FAMILY asked me if this baby was planned. So did DH's. FTR we're 26 this year. I guess since they started their families in their 30s we still count as "teen parents" or something at our age.

I'm another one who looks much younger than I am, I think because I have fair hair and wear no makeup so I kind of look "fresh" (though today, one week postpartum, "fresh" is definitely not a word I would use to describe my appearance.







) So as soon as I started to show I started getting dirty looks and the occassional snide remark. Really I think that the disapproval lodged at "too young" moms is just an excuse some people use to be generally misogynist or hateful towards mothers. I don't think they really care how old we are, it's bad enough that we're female and "breeders."


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelgianSheepDog*
I don't think they really care how old we are, it's bad enough that we're female and "breeders."

God forbid the continuation of the human race...


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## LaceyTX (Mar 1, 2006)

I got married at 18 and had my son three days before my 19th birthday. I got a few strange looks while pregnant, but so far people have been nothing but nice since my son's birth -- they see the baby and want to talk to him, hold him, etc. And I always thought people in my town were rude!


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## BathrobeGoddess (Nov 19, 2001)

I am over 30 and I still get carded for everything...which while I should be flattered, annoys me. I did have my first at 19 and if I got any weirdness, I never noticed. Actually, a lot of my personal identity was wrapped up in being a young mom so it was quite a shift for me when my ds was born at 28. I was now an average aged mom...and now with this new bun...I am an older mom...

My mom changed jobs when I was 16 and at the interview she said she had one dd who was 16. The person asking the questions said "16 months?" My mom was 43 at the time and looked about 29. I love that story!


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

I'm 36 and dress in jeans most of the time. I have that "young' look about mey face as well. And I am short. People automatically assume I'm young because of these things.

I get alot of people looking at/for my wedding ring when I'm out with ds.


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## Quinn'sMommy (Jan 2, 2005)

Oh yes, I get this. I'm 28 and look about 16; people are shocked when they find out how old I am. I was 26 when I had my son and it sucks that I don't get the respect I deserve (not that younger moms don't deserve equal respect.) The worst looks I got was when I was huge pregnant and hanging out with my two year old nephew (my younger sisters kid.) I would get remarks on my "parenting" from old ladies (I'm his aunt, if I want to buy him a smoothie and let him waste the whole thing that's my privilege.) One old lady yelled at me because she thought I was about to put my nephew in a soaking wet shopping cart (I wasn't I was waiting for an employee to come back with a towel to dry it off.) I don't think I'd have gotten that if I looked old enough to have a two year old and pregnant with another.

The good part of looking so young is when solicitors or Jehovah Witness knock on my door and ask if my mom is home. I just smile and say "no sorry."


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## forthebest (Jun 19, 2006)

I think all you women are lucky to look so young! Think people are just jealous seeing women blooming with kids instead of haggard and tired out(like me)







Some awful comments from people tho can't they keep their daft/nasty thoughts to themselves?


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

So us "young" mamas get dirty looks and comments... does that mean we (young mamas) here can give older moms dirty looks and comments back??

How many of you has indeed said something rude back? I for one haven't (yet), but it is just so tempting sometimes.

how is this fair?


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## trmpetplaya (May 30, 2005)

I'm 23, but look a lot younger (like 17, some people have said...) and I don't get dirty looks, but I get a TON of advice. Older people think that I have no idea how to raise a child and are always giving me terrible advice. I would be fine with just the advice, but the tone of their advice is so condescending







I bet if I looked older they would still give me advice, but maybe they'd be somewhat polite about it...

love and peace.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

I'm youngish (21) and usually it doesn't affect me, but yesterday on the bus someone was giving me a hard time and glaring at me, and I could tell they thought I was stupid and young. She was totally checking my left hand for a ring too







The only other time anything like that happened was a lady at the bus stop telling me it must be hard being a young single mom, and she actually argued that I must not be married because i wasn't wearing a ring... whatever! I can't believe someone would argue with me over my marital status and age.









I'm so glad most Mamas treat me as an equal. I feel like I have more in common with a Mama of a babe the same age, even if the Mama is twice my age, kwim?


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

oops double post


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

I had my first at 18, and my second at 21...and I'm 24 now...not much has changed about my looks since I was 18. I'm one of the youngest moms at my church...by probably about 6-10 years. Just the other day I was dropping of my older dd for Bible Camp and some girl gives me a weird look and says in a somewhat snooty tone "So, are you her mom or her sister?" She was young so I kind of laughed it off and I told her, no I'm her mom, I just look really young. She seem satisfied with that...but I was surprised she asked...b/c my older dd and I look exactly alike. See?

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c2...anddestiny.jpg


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## Silvercrest79 (Jan 20, 2004)

I'm 27 but I get the "You look so young to have three kids" remark a lot.







: Just last weekend at the art fair in Ann Arbor a vendor said that to me and I promptly told her how old I was and she said I looked 16!









Yes it is annoying.







:


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## june'smom (Nov 8, 2003)

The only thing that really bothers me about the looks and comments is that it is hard to find other mama friends when they all assume you are stupid and just don't know how to use birth control.

I am a student (pre-law, even) and I get sooooo many comments about how I am crazy and too young and I should have waited.

Oh, well. I love being a young mama. Now if I can only convince my hubby to have #3 so we can go through it all again...

Louise


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## Diane~KJ (Jun 10, 2006)

My lil sister was a young mommy, started at 18 years old with her daughter and dealt with a lot of that. She is now 32 and looks really young. She gets treated with disrespect sometimes and I wonder if it is because she looks so young. It makes me sad!


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

i feel for you mama's... i got those looks and they werent even my kids.... i practically raised my nephews starting when i was 17.... i remember once, about 2 months before i turned 18, waiting at the bus stop (which just happened to be at the corner by a red light) with my nearly 2 yr old nephew in a stroller, a 2 month old in a snugli, and my sis (who was 15 about to be 16) with a friends 8 mo old - it was their anniversary, so she watched their son for them, i always had the boys, and we were taking him home..... i could see people in their cars looking at us and talking.... it was hurtful, and i knew they had nothing to talk about, not that it was any of their business if they were my kids... i got over it though, with having the boys all the time, and 2 or 3 other kids i took care of...... heck those looks were nothing compared to the ones i got when the boys were loder and i went out with them, and 2 little boys i watched who's daddy was a friend of mine, a single teenage dad, and i was 20 with 4 boys ages 4,2,2 and 1, lol


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## bullfrog (Feb 19, 2003)

I'm 38 and dress in jeans - no (well almost none) makeup, streaks in my hair - my DH is 35 and has tons of tattoos - let's just say people assume we're very young. So of course if one little thing is out of place (ie: sunny day and the 2yo won't wear his hat.) Some snarky lady will feel free to snap out a "Get a hat on that baby!" comment. Know what I say?
"He left it at the whore house with his crack pipe."
My DH gets really embarassed, but the looks on their faces just makes my day


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

I had my first child at 22 (and looked 16). I went to the crisis pregnancy center just because I heard theyd do the test for free. I told them yes, I planned to have the baby and I was thrilled, they still showed my abortion pics and prayed over me. Kinda a downer.

I had dd at 33. In a lot of ways, it was easier at 22 believe me!

I have worked for the last eight years with kids and thier parents, childre with disabilities and/or developmental delays. I can attest that age has NOTHING to do with parenting. Ive seen teenage moms who are doing an awesome job of loving thier babies and Ive seen 40 yr old moms who were freaked out and/or clueless. Its a personality issue and a maturity issue and you can be mature at 19. You can also be immature at 50. Judging someones parenting abilities by age is just stupid.

ITs not just the age thing, if you have a toddler and a pregnant belly, you get looks no matter your age. Because preception is, only ignorant uneducated people keep popping out babies, right? When I was 22 and had just had ds1, I was with my mil at walmart and saw a mom juggling three kids in her cart. I was just thinking how lucky she was when my mil made a comment about her not knowing how to keep her legs closed (this from a woman who HAD three kids!) I was so taken aback I was speechless (a feat for me).


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## arlecchina (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dantesmama*
I'm just shy of 21 and DS is 8.5 months, and I'm so sick of the looks I get every time we're out in public. (You know, the glares, the "poor baby" looks, getting snubbed by older moms, etc.) I know I'm a great mother, and my son knows it, but it just feels awful to know that so many others just assume the opposite based on my age. I always feel like I'm being judged on my parenting. Anyone else ever encounter this? How did you deal?

I hate it. I look far younger than I am and I've gotten evil looks and snobby attitudes pretty much from the beginning. I was too young then I admit but I looked 11 or 12 at the time, it was just....ugh :/


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## midstreammama (Feb 8, 2005)

I am 24, we have 3 dds. I am frequently out by ourselves as dh works long, weird hours. I get plenty of looks. I think i'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me anymore. i don't even really notice it anymore.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I'm nearly 29, I never wear makeup, and I look perpetually exhausted (as do many parents of three children under four). I'm also fat, and my hair is falling out in clumps, but for some reason people still believe that I'm a young parent and love to give me







for it. It doesn't help that my 3.5 year old son looks (apparently) like a five year old to people, and going out with my nieces, one of whom is nine years old and bears a striking resemblance to me is just a nightmare. They look at the two of us and I can see them trying to do the math.

Funny enough, my sister (who actually had her kids at 15 & 18) doesn't seem to get these looks as often as I do.


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

I have to say I am shocked by the sheer amount of you that deal with this! It really shows what a judgemental society we live in, I guess.

I had dd about a month before I turned 21, and dp is nearly 16 years older than me. I look to be right about my age, I think, though people who don't know me usually seem to think I'm a little bit younger than I am, just going by looks. He is balding and looks his age, as far as I can tell. You'd think we would get all kinds of nasty comments, but I've never noticed a thing. Very strange.

I once had a lady at the library tell me that I looked awfully young to have a child, and it threw me off guard. She didn't seem to mean it in any mean-spirited way, though, and then went on about how she never had one herself, and was now too old. She sounded kind of sad about it, and I think the comment about my age was some kind of manifestation of her own issue. Then again, all of these comments you guys have shared probably are.


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## MujerMamaMismo (Oct 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bjorker*

I had dd about a month before I turned 21, and dp is nearly 16 years older than me. I look to be right about my age, I think, though people who don't know me usually seem to think I'm a little bit younger than I am, just going by looks. He is balding and looks his age, as far as I can tell. You'd think we would get all kinds of nasty comments, but I've never noticed a thing. Very strange.









Perhaps people are less likely to stigmatise you because *at least* you have a male partner.

I think that much of the stereotyping around young motherhood is because people make an assumption that young mums are single mums. And God forbid a woman might be a single mother...just imagine what might happen to her children!! (eek - please all know that i'm joking!)

Age does not determine how good a mother is, nor does marital status - but we've got a lot of stigma to smash before we can get the rest of the world to agree with us!


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

I am finally getting to the point where I don't look like a young mom







I guess I have thick skin because it really didn't bother me. Being a mom was what I always wanted and having a baby made me the happiest person on the planet. Basically I didn't care...most of the time.

The thing that irks me now is the strange looks my family gets but I guess it's undestandable: dh and I have a few years between us, dd is biracial and ds is white and autistic, noticablely at times.


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessper44*
Perhaps people are less likely to stigmatise you because *at least* you have a male partner.

Well, I'm out with dd far more often by myself than I am together with dp.
But I get what you mean.

Actually the biggest "trouble" I've had is on the occaision that I'm out by myself, without dd. While getting my eyes checked, the doc was making the usual friendly small talk, started asking me about school... and was shocked when I told him I was a SAHM.

I do actually work at a bookstore one day a week, and in my conversations with customers (I work in the children's section often), they are always shocked as well. One lady last week also started asking me about my schooling... it happens pretty often. I do get tired of the suprised reactions, but I really haven't had anyone be negative to me about it. I think it's just a mix of getting lucky and the area I live in. People tend to be alright about such things around here.

I remember reading horror stories when I was pregnant about unmarried women getting total sh*t about being pregnant/having young kids. I read quite a few of those actually on another online forum. Back then I worked full time in retail, and was sure that without the wedding ring on my finger would bring me lots of hateful comments (we are unmarried by choice, long story). Combine that with being/looking young (I was 20 then), and I'm just shocked that I haven't noticed anything more than this.

Ok. Ramble off.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

I am in my mid 30's but look very young. I just stopped getting carded so I must actually look 21 now! I don't notice any dirty looks per se, but I have seen people looking for a wedding ring when I am out and about with ds.


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