# OK, how do you feel about gay teens in relationships?



## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

OK, this is my so called "coming out" My sixteen year son is gay and we are very supportive of him. (Yes, I am a PFLAG mom) He is in a relationship with a really nice boy and I couldn't have picked better for him. I do hold him to the same moral standards that I hold for my other kids. (Meaning no sleazy behavior, safe committed relationships) Anyways, how does anyone feel about parents being ok with their gay teen's relationship. I have had mostly support and







from all my family and friends.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Woohoo!!!







YOu go mama! That is excellent that you are so supportive. PFLAG is a great group. I think teens should be able to be in a relationship not matter their sexual identity. How else do you find the person who you want to be with?

That being said...

This isn't really activism - Moving this to Preteens and Teens!


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

If my DD turns out to be gay I will fully support her, and that means her relationships too. I'm not big into trying to control teens' relationships, gay or straight, I think that just gets you out of the picture fast, lol. If I haven't taught her responsibility by the time she is dating then it's too late.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

My dd hasn't proclaimed her sexual identity yet, but we have talked about all the different kinds their are. And being bi myself, I'm very open to her being who she is. Whatever that might be. We have a very queer friendly household and regularly discuss civil rights issues.

you might want to post in the queer parenting forum also. we don't get any of the debate posts there.


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## dado (Dec 31, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by doulamomvicki_
*how does anyone feel about parents being ok with their gay teen's relationship...*
not in that situation, so i'm having a hard time imagining, well, what else are you going to do? cut your kid off?







i mean, seriously, is there anybody here would actually ostracize their kid because they were a practicing homosexual?


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

sadly there are people that cut their queer kids out of their lives.

but I'd think that could be preferrable to being told your bad for who you are.


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## laralou (Nov 27, 2001)

I have told ds in our many conversations about what it means to be gay that if he was gay, it wouldn't change how I felt about him. All I want is for him to love and be loved by a good person, no matter the gender. I intend to tell the girls the same thing when they are old enough to understand.

This is slightly







T, but the local kids (all attending the same local Baptist church) use "Gayfer" as a put-down. This is highly offensive to me and I have repeatedly explained to ds how using this can hurt kids that are gay. He won't say it, but I hate living in a community where it is used over and over.


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## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

quote by dado:
______________________________________
i mean, seriously, is there anybody here would actually ostracize their kid because they were a practicing homosexual
______________________________________

You would be surprised. Some do.







And I have been flamed by some people for having the it is "ok to be gay" attitude with my son.


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## MaShroom (Jan 25, 2003)

vicki, your son is so lucky to have you for his mother.









my sister's best friend was gay, his mom and stepdad resigned themselves to the fact but were never really supportive. it hurt him immeasurably.

i think gay teens in relationships are no different than hetero teens. maybe slightly different issues but nothing drastic. i think it is great that you're so involved with him. it takes guts and courage to come out, sounds like you have the bases covered!


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## CincoDeMama (Dec 9, 2001)

i agree~your ds is very lucky to have you support who he is









my kids have been brought up right~being taught that being gay is not a choice a person makes & it's part of who the person is & there's nothing 'wrong' with it, despite what others think or believe.

out of 5 kids, odds are that 1 of them will be gay~so i've kind of made it a point to be very open with them on the subject & encourage them to support alternative lifestyles (this past month was a great opportunity to do so with my oldest who wrote and awesome report for school on same sex marriage!).

anyway, i will be there for my kids as well~just as you are for your ds~if & when any of them are gay, straight, or both, lol

shame on the parents who emotionally abandon their kids when they share with them their sexual orientation. i couldn't do it~it would kill me to not be there for my kid.

(((hugs))) to you for bringing this topic here! one strong mama attracts more strong mamas!!


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## Red (Feb 6, 2002)

You know, when my best friends brother came out in his late teeens, the whole family was in an uproar and they all went to family counseling. They're all very supportive now, but t hey freaked, and I couldn't figure out why. I mean, sheesh, _I'd_ figured he was gay since he was 6 or 7 when I met him. He was one of those guys who _walked_ gay.

My own brother just came out last year. He has two sons, has been in a committed relationship with their mother, etc. My own familys reaction cracked me up. My sister and I ould be thrilled if he found someone who made him happy. My mother, now she's 80, so this is a stretch for her, said she's fine with it as long as he and his bofriend aren't going to ome over to her apartment and sit around kissing and hugging, because that would be 'gross'. When I pointed out that it would be pretty gross if it were my sister and her new bf, she laughed and said she guessed it would.

On the other hand, my younger foster sister went out every night through out high school with the one girl in school who was a loudly self-proclaimed lesbian. She was very butch, took all shop classes in the day when girls weren't even allowed to take shop! My foster sis never dated any guy, always was with this girl, and then over the years, she came to events alone.

After many years, we were in our 30's, had passed, we were calling to invite her to a family get together. She asked if she should bring a date. Things got turned around a bit and finally my sister said, "But aren't you gay?".







Hmm, while we're still not sure, we aren't likely to find out. She hasn't spoken to either of us since.







: And I wasn't even on the phone !

Anyway, none of this applies to you, does it? I think it's fine. How can the kid find out who he likes if he can't date? Heck, my mother let my foster sister date...oh, yeah, they were just freinds...

Another glass of wine and I'll have to get one of the kids to type for me!


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Teen sex freaks me out. I have issues. I know they are mine and I keep them to myself. I have about a decade to get over them. I don't think hetero or **** is gonna be the problem for me. It's the relationship and the kissy face stuff I'm gonna flip over.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Kama, you are too funny!







Kissy face stuff huh? :LOL


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I came out at 17 but waited around a year for the kissy face stuff. I was already at college but in the same town I grew up in. I think it made it easier that my parents moved a couple years later because it was really hard on my mom.

I have no idea how I'm going to react when my now three year old gets interested in boys/girls/both.

Hopefully you MDC folks will be around to talk me through it!

And doulamomvicki, you probably already know, but thanks for helping bring a healthy happy gay person up. Gotta love those PFLAGers.

(BTW: I'm old...what the heck's a "gayfer?" Is it just a longer version of gay? Help me sound hip...)


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## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

As far as sexual relationships between any teens, I am not for them. I know I am going to be flamed here, but I know I was way too young to have sex at 16. I hold my son to the same moral standards I have for anyone his age.


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## AnnMarie (May 21, 2002)

I think it's great that you support him!







Too bad all parents wouldn't do the same.







:


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

I would like to think I would handle a gay teen relationship in the same way I would handle a straight teen relationship. I would evaluate the situation as it happened and hopefully trust my kid to pick a nice, decent person instead of a jerk.


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## Jane (May 15, 2002)

The only problem that I see is maintaining a sane outlook if you disapprove of teen sex. For instance, many parents don't allow girl-boy sleepovers, but same sex sleepovers are fine. Or kids go off to a tournament in the city and stay in a hotel, segregated by sex. Those "sensible" rules don't seem so prentative when the teen is gay. But not allowing a teen to do teen stuff is not an option, at least for me.
Hmm, now that I type it, maybe we should just publicise that those rules don't really prevent teen heterosexual sex, either! I'd love to see that PSA campaign.


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## polka123 (Nov 27, 2003)

a relationship is a relationship - gay or straight









teen years are tuff for everyone & the more parental support the better.








doulamomvicki

BTW- ot - did you go to hi school in Phx?


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## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

Thank you mamas for all your support.







I wish IRL everyone was like all of you!!!!

Polka123 - went to Xavier in Phoenix and Apollo in Glendale.


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## polka123 (Nov 27, 2003)

Scottsdale Hi my Frosh yr
& Moon Valley the other 3 yrs.
My Sr year I actually lived in Apollo Dist. but I could go to Moon Valley my final yr.
My DD went to Washington Hi.


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## marymom (Nov 24, 2001)

someone mentioned in a post that at 16 they werent ready for sex, and Im not sure about the definition...I mean, I dont think intercourse is what we were discussing, but...being attracted to another human, feeling the phermones and the harmones rtising according to the presense of another human beeing, spending time with that person because it feels good just to talk to them on the phone, that sort of thing is DEFINATELY happening at 16, whether or not you want to stifle it is a parents choice...I guess,
that said it is definately an opinion as to what should be allowed or not and I respect all ~
My daugjhter (15)proclaimed herself as bi, then completely gay, and now bi again, I have been assuming that the best I can do is let her process her sexuality in her own manner (and provide saftey information and counseling which believe me she has, we have condoms available, I am a CBE and work with a midwife, whom she knows and sees for well woman care- She is accepted but I must admnit as opened minded as I was, it through me for a loop when she was experimenting and her older brother still thinks its just 'stupid'
so much for raising an openminded and supportive family...or even being so myself-
and her close friend who is a gay male is competely reprimanded for his sexuality and told by his mom its dangerouys and he needs to change bnecause people will beat him up- and its hard to watch, shes a great lady but...I dont say much because he has asked me not o, altho we did talk when I thought he was becoming suicidal...he seems to be better now but who knows, since my daughhter started homeschooling we dont see him as much-
I am open to input from other bi or gay moms or moms of, regarding how to be helpful or supportive, I think most of all she needs relationship suppport...and Im not so good at that...
~mary soory for the rambl;e


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## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by doulamomvicki_
*As far as sexual relationships between any teens, I am not for them. I know I am going to be flamed here, but I know I was way too young to have sex at 16. I hold my son to the same moral standards I have for anyone his age.*
Not going to flame you at all. I think that attitudes towards premarital sex are a very individual thing, and I think that it is good for parents to let their children know what their values are, and to let them know what they expect of them. As long as this message is given with love and openness and not shame or threats, what's wrong with it?

I think that whether a teen is gay or straight, the way parents handle romantic relationships should be the same. Being supportive of your son and encouraging him to share his thoughts and feelings with you, and making an effort to get to know his boyfriend is pretty much all you can and should do. If your son was straight and had a girlfriend, you would do the same thing, right?


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## jannan (Oct 30, 2002)

the question is what would or how would i react if my ds or dd told me he or she was gay? i would be supportive because there would be no chance of a teen-age pregnancy. but also, i'd be very protective of them. yes, sf is the gay meca but also there is harassment. i would be afraid for my kids. i'd let them know that some people will not accept it. i would be very concerned and careful and protective.


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## marymom (Nov 24, 2001)

I have a younger son who has what some consider a handicap(dont worry, its not for him <grin>) and I have had the conversation with other parents of kids like him, how do we protect him from bullies, people will pick on him...well my answer to them has always been that they may pick on someone a different race or religeon, a short or fat person, somneone who is a slow reader, or someone who makes choices unacceptable to the perpetrators but in reality it is the bully with the handicap/issue, not my kid, and I dont think instilling fear of someone beating you up is healthy, maybe teaching conflict resolution, or even karate' but insyilling fear because someone might beat you up for the way you are actually I think it caused my daughter's friend to consider suicide, He could not change who he is, and felt horrible that it was "him" according to his mom...that made people want to beat him up, (he was not beat up in school by the way
0but reallyit isnt him, its their own issues...(the bullies are theones with the issues)
I am not sure if Im making sense here...but I hope you can consider my thoughts Jannan,
peace and blessings, Mary


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## jannan (Oct 30, 2002)

i know bullies are the ones with the problem and fear and self - esteem issues. ok, so how does that help when there are reports of gay bashings? we need to teach our gay children that what they are is not ok with some people and those people may react violently. protect yourself. take self-defense classes.


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## marymom (Nov 24, 2001)

I think that is appropriate to teach EVERY child problem resolution, because ultimately, given the premise that it is the bully's issue, it could be ANY child that is subjected to being bullied, and because gay bashing is an issue I believe we can address the gay bashers as the problem.
I am not saying to exist in denial, and I hear your point, but to live in fear not safe/healthy -especially for a child, damage to self esteem is measureable and far reaching.
just my thoughts, thanks for reading and pondering them with me








~mary


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

For those of you with gay or lesbian children, at what age did they first come out to you? Did you have suspicions before they came out? Did you ask them about it or did they come to you on their own?

Sorry to ask so many questions in a row...


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## marymom (Nov 24, 2001)

My daughter was 14 and said she was bi, I thought she was just experimenting(well life is just an experiment...) then at 15 she said she was just gay, girls only, now she is bi again...
I think she is definately not sure,
she will be 16 in July.


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## SingleDad (Mar 18, 2004)

My son came out to me just a few weeks ago, he's only 9 years old. And I agree with everyone on PFLAG, couldn't have made it through without them and this board!!


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## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

My son came out last year, but truthfully I always knew. We speak very openly and honestly to each other. Like I said, I hold him to same standards I would hold anyone to. He has great self esteem and is very comfortable with himself. That is all I can hope and pray for all my children.


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## Huggablejan (Aug 20, 2004)

Hi my 15 year old son just came out this year that he is http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=gay&v=56">gay</a>. I actually asked him and because I had knew but I wanted to see if he would tell me and he told me he was and we had a nice conversation and I can tell it has opened up a new relationship between him and I because he has told me but he is so happy he wants my decision on what things I will allow him to do in front of me. I have a 16 yr old daughter that is http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=dating&v=56">dating</a> and I will allow her and her boyfriend to hold hands and kiss each other good bye in front of me. But with my son I dont feel comfortable yet to see that in front of me so I allow him to have his door shut to his bedroom when his boyfriend is over because I also have a 20 yr old son that does not like gays and does not get along with his brother. So I feel to keep peace in the http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=family&v=56">family</a> I allow him to keep his door shut and I check up on them from http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=time&v=56">time</a> to http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=time&v=56">time</a>. But in the meanwhile my daughter is upset that she doesnt get the same privelages as him. So I was just wondering how you handle things with your son. I am new to this site and new to finding out that my son is http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=gay&v=56">gay</a> and I am trying to be supporative and be fair to all my children but I fill with him being http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=gay&v=56">gay</a> you just cant put it out there for everyone to see. I want him to feel loved and excepted in his own http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=house&v=56">house</a>. But it is causing complications between the two teenagers. Any adivice


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## Huggablejan (Aug 20, 2004)

I have 20yr old son, 16yr old daughter, 15yr old son. My 15 yr old son came out to me this year and I am supporative of him. Well at least I am trying to be. I feel since he has came out it has brought us closer together. But I have a question he is wondering what I will allow in front of me as far as his relationship with his new friend. With my daughter I allow them to kiss good bye and hold hands. With my son I dont think I am ready to see them kiss good bye and hold hands so I allow them to go into his room and have the door shut. This causes conflict between his sister she is upset that she doesnt have the same privlages. I was just wondering how you handle things in your family as far as dating goes. Any adivice would be helpful to me.


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## SeaClearly2004 (Aug 9, 2004)

Well my sons I don't think are gay but my oldest I won't ever know but my youngest might be I'm not sure. He seems so emotional and doesn't really like sports that much but that could be because he is very short and small and very smart so I'm leaning towards that. But I think being Gay is not something that is a choice. I just don't think anyone would choose to get slammed down when they can say choose not to be gay. I think its everyone else that needs to change not the gay people. I don't like it when people smoke around me but should I go beat the living crap out of them. I don't think so. Plus if my younger son ended up finding out for himself that he is gay I will support him. At least I don't have to worry about him being a father at 14 so thats a good point. I don't think teenage sex is a good thing but just because it can lead to a child having to raise another child but its not the act of sex itself that is the problem its the aftermath. I know I would be fine with it because my older sons friend lost his key to his house and my son called me and asked me if he could stay at my house until his parents get home and I said yes and why wouldn't I. I ended getting home and walked into my bedroom and my sons friend was going at it with another guy and I was pissed off just because they were doing it in my bed and for some reason I could care less about two guys being in my bed it was just that they were in my bed. My son got grounded for that. Now I told my sons friend that I don't care who he has sex with but just not in my bed and he was pretty cool after that.

But to be honest it was funny as heck to see both of them trying to get their cloths on while I'm yelling you better clean this up before my wife gets home because you don't want to see her get mad. She is also fine with same sex sex but just againt not on her bed.

I would just say that its a private matter and you don't have to show it too everybody and even though its their right to show it and they should have nothing to be ashamed off the problem still lies beyond them and sometimes it can be more painfull than what you gain from it and I'm all for standing up for whats right but sometimes you have to know exactly how far you can take things at any given moment in time. Sadly that is the world we live in today in that even though we are a free country its very far from being free IMO but thats not saying this is the worst county to live in because its very far from it but it can use lots of work and updating for sure.


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

You are an awesome parent for supporting this!!
My brother is gay and I wish that he has dated boys when he was younger. Instead he only dated girls because he wanted to try and 'change'. He made himself physicly ill while being with girls, because it felt so wrong, and gross to him.
Our mother is not supportive, and was always preaching 'Adam and Eve-Not Adam and Steve'.
We both hold alot of resentment to our mother for trying to brainwash us like that. I'm So proud of my brother that he was able to fully come out to everyone.


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

I was scanning some of the posts. I understand some of you don;t like the idea of teens havign sex, but just cause they are dateing it doesn't mean they will do it, kwim? I sure as heck didn't sleep with every guy I dated when I was a teen, lol


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## Rhonwyn (Apr 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SingleDad*
My son came out to me just a few weeks ago, he's only 9 years old. And I agree with everyone on PFLAG, couldn't have made it through without them and this board!!

9!!!! My son is 9 and he doesn't even know what sex is yet. He knows where babies come from but not how they get there. I can't imagine him declaring an orientation at 9. We have told both our kids that families come in all shapes and sizes so they know about Mom-Moms and Dad-Dads but neither has expressed a preference. It has been hard explaining the marriage thing but they don't seem too concerned about it. It is more likely that my daughter will be gay than my son. She has always preferred girls but at the same time she flirts shamelessly with her older brother's friends. I haven't worried about it. We will just accept whatever they declare when the time comes.


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rhonwyn*
9!!!! My son is 9 and he doesn't even know what sex is yet. He knows where babies come from but not how they get there. I can't imagine him declaring an orientation at 9. We have told both our kids that families come in all shapes and sizes so they know about Mom-Moms and Dad-Dads but neither has expressed a preference. It has been hard explaining the marriage thing but they don't seem too concerned about it. It is more likely that my daughter will be gay than my son. She has always preferred girls but at the same time she flirts shamelessly with her older brother's friends. I haven't worried about it. We will just accept whatever they declare when the time comes.

Being gay isn't about 'sex' Your child may not know what the act of sex is about, but he can have a sexual orientation. When I was nine and playing Barbies it was always Barbie and Ken going on dates..My brother was only 5 when we played barbies together, and he made the Ken dolls date.


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## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

Quote by Huggablejan:
I have 20yr old son, 16yr old daughter, 15yr old son. My 15 yr old son came out to me this year and I am supporative of him. Well at least I am trying to be. I feel since he has came out it has brought us closer together. But I have a question he is wondering what I will allow in front of me as far as his relationship with his new friend. With my daughter I allow them to kiss good bye and hold hands. With my son I dont think I am ready to see them kiss good bye and hold hands so I allow them to go into his room and have the door shut. This causes conflict between his sister she is upset that she doesnt have the same privlages. I was just wondering how you handle things in your family as far as dating goes. Any adivice would be helpful to me.

My rules for my son are the same for my straight daughter/ straight sons- no boyfriends/girlfriends in the bedroom. Not appropriate. Actually dd is still too young to have a boyfriend but I know she would be the first to say "You let Ian have a guy in his room". I hold my children to the same moral standards regardless of their sexual orientation. The best advise I can give you is find a good family conselor to hash all this out and make uniform rules they all have to obey. It will make it alot easier.


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## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

Quote:
9!!!! My son is 9 and he doesn't even know what sex is yet. He knows where babies come from but not how they get there. I can't imagine him declaring an orientation at 9. We have told both our kids that families come in all shapes and sizes so they know about Mom-Moms and Dad-Dads but neither has expressed a preference. It has been hard explaining the marriage thing but they don't seem too concerned about it. It is more likely that my daughter will be gay than my son. She has always preferred girls but at the same time she flirts shamelessly with her older brother's friends. I haven't worried about it. We will just accept whatever they declare when the time comes.
Today 06:31 AM

I have suspected my son was gay from the time he was five. He says he knew he was "different "his whole life" and knew he was gay when he was 9.


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## Rhonwyn (Apr 16, 2002)

I have gay friends who when looking back could tell that they were gay when they were children but none of them really fixed on an orientation until they hit puberty.

My kids just don't seem to have a preference other than liking to play with particular toys. They play equally well with boys and girls but will choose friends of the same sex to play with if given the choice. It will be interesting to see how things unfold not that it really matters to me. As long as they are happy, I will be happy.

I guess I just can't imagine my son at 9 coming up to me and saying I like boys and want to marry a boy anymore than I can imagine him saying I like girls and want to marry a girl. My daughter has already told me she likes girls better but her behavior around my son's friends is downright flirtatious.

Anyway, when the time comes the same rules will apply to each whether they are dating girls, boys or both. They will be able to date but no closed bedroom doors. They will each get the same talk about condoms and protecting themselves.


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Upset? Hey, to me, there seem to be a number of ADVANTAGES to my dd being gay. (She's not 4 yet, so I have no idea who or what she'll be interested in.)

However, if my dd were gay, here are things I see as advantages:

1. NO RISK of unmarried teenage motherhood!!!









2. TEENY risk of AIDS compared to the risks she'd run with a hetero dude.

3. REDUCED chance of being sexually or physically abused -- at least she'd be with someone closer to her own size.

4. A good chance she and her partner would mutually double each other's wardrobes!

Okay, what's not to like? If they want kids, they can always go the Melissa Etheridge route (but not, one hopes, using David Crosby's sperm.)


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

4. A good chance she and her partner would mutually double each other's wardrobes!

Then they will argue over who wears what when. LOL









The girlfriend will put holes in her socks and runs in her stockings.

So that one is not always a good thing.


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## marymom (Nov 24, 2001)

OMGosh great thread, glad it was bumped again








I think when I last wrote was like 6 months ago, and my daughter was still gay...well now she is bi...but is seriously doing some thinking about her sexual orientation at least I see her writing alot about it...
I'm thinking that current society is pretty ok with girls with girls AND boys, (which is currently my daughters thing, she has a friend/boy who she says is saving himself <who knows> and girlfriends...and admittedly, I was easier about the door being shut with her and a girl, than her and a boy...but Ive switched over to no doors shut (unless it is to keep out unruly siblings and then Im popping in if the mood looks romantic or...sexual) but
that doesnt keep them from making out and experimenting doing whatever...
My daughter wants to start a gay/straight alliance at her school, we live in a small town, her best friend's parents (he is gay- self defined and seems pretty sure of himeself since about 13-14) have a really hard time with their son being gay, at first he was so depressed I suspected suicidal tendencies, but he has come a long way, and so have his parents, sexual orientation is a very sensitive area, his parents, his mom, loves him sooooo much, and really had a good strong attachment with him so forth and so on, but is truly terrified that her son is gay, she has told me (and unfortunaltly him) that he will be beat up and raped if he is gay so he can't be (no wonder the kid was depressed?)
We have tried to show her other views and over the last year or two I think she hasreally mellowed, but I don't know...
just rambling here...
~mary


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## LovinMyKids (Aug 3, 2004)

Your son is very lucky to have such a supportive mama. i would hope that I would be the same way.


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## polka123 (Nov 27, 2003)

I would not have a problem at all


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *doulamomvicki*
Quote:
9!!!! My son is 9 and he doesn't even know what sex is yet. He knows where babies come from but not how they get there. I can't imagine him declaring an orientation at 9. We have told both our kids that families come in all shapes and sizes so they know about Mom-Moms and Dad-Dads but neither has expressed a preference. It has been hard explaining the marriage thing but they don't seem too concerned about it. It is more likely that my daughter will be gay than my son. She has always preferred girls but at the same time she flirts shamelessly with her older brother's friends. I haven't worried about it. We will just accept whatever they declare when the time comes.
Today 06:31 AM

I have suspected my son was gay from the time he was five. He says he knew he was "different "his whole life" and knew he was gay when he was 9.









:

Delurking for a minute.
When I was really young, in daycare at around 3 or 4, there was this little boy in with me named Keith. Keith was very different then the other boys, even the really, really shy ones. You couldn't really put your finger on it, he just was. He also really liked to do things like dress up in the girl's play clothes, and wear high heels.
He was my friend for a long, long time off and on. When he was ten he asked me if I thought he was gay. I did, but I thought maybe he was asking me because he was feeling uncomfortable so I said, "I don't know". He wanted me to be his girlfriend to 'make sure', since he knew me well.
So, it didn't work out. :LOL I think he kissed me once, and had a dramatic, public 'break up'. He didn't date another girl, ever. He officially came out when he was around 13 but we lived in a small community our entire lives and EVERYONE knew he was gay since he was a toddler.
You don't have to be aware of yourself as a sexual being to know if you're gay, or bi, or straight.

How did YOU know you were straight at 20? At 15? Or even at 10? Sometimes you really just 'know'.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dado*
not in that situation, so i'm having a hard time imagining, well, what else are you going to do? cut your kid off?







i mean, seriously, is there anybody here would actually ostracize their kid because they were a practicing homosexual?

That's exactly what happened to a friend of mine in high school. His mom and stepdad basically abandoned him and my mother basically took up the slack (though she wouldnt let him move in til he turned 18 to avoid legal issues.)

My 1st ex has a gay sister, and I've always thought of her partner as my sil (now ex sil) and as my kids' aunt since my first baby was born.

I have complete respect for choices that adults make. I will admit that I'd be dissapointed if my children make different lifestyle choices than I did (keeping a Kosher home, observing Orthodox Jewish Laws, etc) but I could never stop loving them, cut them out of my life, or disrespect choices they make for themselves after they become adults.

I'm not sure how I'd handle teenaged dating (hetero or ****) but I hopefully have a few years before I need to worry about that! I'm trusting that I'll know my children well enough to make appropriate decisions when we get there- just as, when my oldest was a baby, I couldn't fathom parenting a 10yo.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

I dont think it's okay for teens to be having sex gay or non gay. There is too much risk physically, emotionally, and spritually involved.

Non sexual dating is ok IMO.


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## craZmama (Oct 5, 2002)

First, I want to point out that teens today get involved with very risky relationships, gay or straight. I think there are a lot of kids who are experimenting...they don't think of themselves as gay or straight...they're bi and they will fool around w/ anyone.

I agree...teens really need to not be having sex. It's just too dangerous.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I don't understand the comments about teens need to not be having sex (I'm repeating someone verbatim but talking about all the comments along this line). Abstinence based sex ed programs, in my opinion, are naive, and so is this philosophy. Kids are sexual, and many will have sex. It could also be argued that adults need to not be having sex, but we do. Or that kids need to never go outside because it is dangerous.

I also don't see a direct connection between talk about teens having sex and teen sexual orientaiton.


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