# Voluntary simplicity - Has AP helped you downsize your life?



## beanzer (Feb 3, 2003)

By the time my baby was six weeks old, both me and my husband knew there was no way in God's creation that I would hand my precious baby off to a stranger and head back to my job, and so we had to make major changes in our life. We sold our house and moved into something much smaller. We did not renew either of our car leases, and instead purchased a second hand fuel efficient family car that my husband drives to work. If I need to go somewhere, I take the bus or walk. We never eat out. We shop at thrift shops and all our entertainment comes from the public library, and from each other.

And I have never been so happy. I don't regret choosing my baby over material luxuries for one single second. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard, sometimes, to come to grips with what it means to go from a very comfortable existence (two college profs earning full time salaries) to a much more humble existence (just one salary now).

Are there others here who have voluntarily downsized their lives because of their AP beliefs? Is there any interest in discussing what we've gained and what we've given up?


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## member (Apr 15, 2002)

DH and I don't have kids yet, but we definately chose to downsize our life in preparation for any future children.

About a year ago we really started looking at what is important to us - health, family, culture. From there we structure all our activities around those things. We work less so we have more time for the things we love, but since the things we love are not based in consumerism we save more money.


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## jingwen (Jan 20, 2003)

Hi Beanzer,

I'm with you, I made the same decision after my son was born.

I cut my hours from 32 to 20 and now i'm down to 12 hours a week at work. My husband watches my son for those 12 hours and the rest of the week i get to enjoy my little guy. My husband is a self employed independent contractor so he gets to work from home. Thank goodness! We get to spend a lot of time together as a family.








We sold our house as well and now are renting a townhouse. Like your family we own only one car, so ds and i take a lot of walks to places. All of ds clothes are hand me downs or from the thrift store which works great because he grows out of them sooo fast.
I breastfeed(save on costs of formula), make my own baby food, co-sleep(saves on buying a crib) and make my own diaper wipes. Every little bit does help!

And for entertainment we visit parks and family. We have no cable, and threw out our 27 inch tv for a 13 inch that's never on. .

At first i thought we would not have enough money and would struggle buy cutting back, but it really has not been that difficult. Like they say, when you don't have the money you won't spend it. It actually has been very refreshing to downsize our life. Our minds are less bogged down with trying to keep up with the Jones' and by not watching tv, IMO my dh and i are not brainwashing ourselves in thinking we "need" to buy worthless junk in order to be happy.

It really feels more natural living a simple life. I feel alive instead of a zombie running the rat race.

When i was a baby my mom worked 2 jobs and was never home. Of course i had all the material things i could ask for but i was a very unhappy child. Now after 30 years my mom confided in me that that she regretted never being able to be home with me.
I don't want to say that to my son 30 years from now.

Thanks for the post...as you can see by my rambling i feel very passionate about the subject :LOL


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## Elismama (Jan 2, 2002)

Simplicity is its own reward!

-jeanie


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## 1jooj (Apr 8, 2002)

The simplicity thing has always felt right to me, since I was raised in it--large family, on a farm, not much $$...certain things I do just "make sense." I never gave how I'd parent a whole lot of thought until I was about 4-5 months pregnant, and then AP fell into the "feels right" category. So for me it just all comes together.


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## MamaMonica (Sep 22, 2002)

I, too, grew up this way- on a farm. Then we got everything at garage sales, grew it, sewed it, canned it. In the suburbs I can't go that far. We have no bus here (routes were cancelled in budget cuts), so we need two cars. It is a compromise- not as simple as I might like it, but we have a quality life.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Sometimes I find myself envying my neighbors (we both have 8 week old little girls) because they always seem to have $$$$$. But, she has just gone back to work and he has 2 jobs. I can not imagine going back to my job (although I love it) with such a small baby. Plus, since I am not working or going out I have no need to buy new clothing (my one true addiction) or gas for my car etc. Sure, we have only enough money to cover the mortgage and the bills, but I am home everyday with my precious little ones, and dh gets to see them in the evenings and weekends all he wants! And the baby really doesnt cost anything since we breastfeed and use cloth diapers! I just have to remember that raising my baby my way is so much more important than going to dinner, gym memberships, having a savings account that has more than 87 cents in it, and all the other things I do find myself jealous of my neighbors over!


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## kerrieldelizia (Mar 18, 2003)

It is hard to downsize in suburbia. You really do need 2 cars when public transporation and walking are not viable options!

Being in suburbia does have its merits for those of us who wish to live more simply. For example, lI have become a garage sale and ebay queen! VHS tapes are so cheap- many people have moved on to DVD's only and so I can buy a tape for 50 cents! Of course, there are inexpensive toys and clothing for sale, too.
Ebay has been a joy. I tell DH that I am recycling!







I have resold many of my baby items as well as piles of "stuff" that just seem to accumulate! Even when I get a low price for something I feel good about knowing that someone who wants and ne ds my items will get to use them. I am buying things on ebay, too, because sometimes you do need something specific that you just cannot find at the neighborhood sales.
So, I am still a big shopper, but I am more mindful about what I buy. I enjoys selling as much as buying! I don't feel like I am sacrificing anything any more.


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## catballou24 (Mar 18, 2003)

I am about to give birth to my second child, any day now. We have a 16 year old son now and are thrilled at the imminent birth of our daughter. We too have chosen to downsize so I can be home with our new baby. I was fortunate at the time of my son's birth to be able to be home with him the first couple years and then I taught preschool and he was with me there until he started kindergarten. I do believe it has made a huge difference in who he is now. He's the most confident, honest, trustworthy teenager I've ever known; and I hear the same about him from other's as well. I believe it is so important to set that foundation early.

As far as material possessions go, nothing is as important as my children. We don't need the dinners out or the fancy cars. As long as my kids are happy and healthy, we've got everything we need.









Cat


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## madison (Nov 20, 2001)

I've been working towards simplicity for a couple of years. I was all "into" having more and better, and then realized there was no end to that grasping. At what point is "enough"? There has to be a point where you have "enough". It's really hard to recognize. I came to that point and said, "NO MORE". I'm gradually working off the "excess" aka credit cards. In the meantime, I'm becoming satisfied with and wanting what I have, not what I don't have.

So now I'm 6 months pregnant. I'll be downsizing again after the babe is born in July. I am pretty sure I'll be leaving my corporate job to work for myself doing a variety of things ~ providing actual NEEDED services and some goods instead of participating in creating a product that I do not believe in, which is currently how I spend 60+ hours a week right now. I don't want my kid raised in daycare. I don't want him/her to look back on his/her childhood and wonder where I was!

To me, voluntary simplicity (or at least recognizing where my "enough" point it and valuing the things I DO have) goes hand in hand with AP, spiritual fulfillment, right livelihood and holistic politics. It's all about living your values - but first you have to recognize what you truly value AND be willing to re-order your life to reflect that insight! But it'll be worth it. It already is and the babe isn't even here yet!


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## gurumama (Oct 6, 2002)

Yes! Our boys are 4 and 1, and I just took ALL our strollers to a consignment shop. We never use them anymore--we love our slings! We bought a bike trailer that doubles as a huge double stroller if needed. I intend to bike all over with them, incorporating them in shopping and exercise. They love it so far, and we got rid of all kinds of baby stuff because we're living with an AP frame of mind. We're getting rod of one of our beds as well, because we co-sleep. Why have the extra bed? (Other than, well, um, ya know...







)

I lost my job last August but the timing was great, because with the new baby it was too hard even to telecommute, as I was doing, for our family. We're moving now (put the house on the market TODAY!) from a house with 2100 sf and 1600 sf of storage (attic and basement) to an 1100 sf apartment (no storage). We're getting rid of so much stuff, and it feels SO GOOD (in fact, dh took the kids and I'm supposed to be decluttering right now







).

We've simplified in other ways too--using the library for 90% of our books/movies, whole foods (though this can e LESS simple sometimes, cooking from scratch), and so on.

One tenet of simplicity that I've found interesting: sometimes spending MORE money is truly simpler. I am frugal by nature and sometimes spend way too much TIME to save some MONEY. My dh has been pointing out to me that my time is as valuable, if not moreso, than our $. Spending 20 hours online to save $50 on a plane ticket may net us $50, but I've just lost 20 hours... So I've learned to loosen up a bit and not view simplicity solely in terms of spending less.


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## cathe (Nov 17, 2002)

After the birth of our first daughter, I left my job at the library to stay home and raise her as well as develop our organic farm. It has been the best decision. Sometimes we get twinges of wanting more - our house is very small - only two bedrooms and one room which is living room/kitchen/family room etc. Rather tight now that we have two children. We have talked about building on a big addition but decided that the money/time etc. would not be worth it. I want time to enjoy life with the kids and I want my dh to be able to spend time with us - not always be working out of the home or on it.

We feel really good about our decision. I have also found ways to help out while being home with the children. I wrote my book and write articles for newspaper and magazines - this also keeps me happy so I don't feel like I had to give up my writing. We plan to homeschool too.

Also, library, thrift stores, buying in bulk, cooking from scratch, raising our own veggies, fruit, and chickens for eggs helps a lot. I can, freeze, and jam our stuff to help it last thru winter. It's a good life.


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## ecomommy (Oct 29, 2002)

Yes! We did the same thing! I'm so glad to hear other mama's stories. We live in Southern California (one of the top three most expensive places in the US) but we have still managed to simplify. After DD was born 2 years ago, I decided there was no way I could go back to work. We had to rearrange our entire lives, including selling our new house and moving into a small condo. DH has been able to work part-time and return to school to finish his MFA, and I have been able to be home with our DD.

Lately, I've been feeling jealous of others I know who have more money or who are moving into new houses and reading your posts have helped remind me of why we decided to make these changes 2 years ago. We are now in a state of flux as DH is finishing school and looking for a job teaching art at an university. Jobs are being cut left and right and it doesn't look like he'll get a job this year. If he does, we'll have to move right around the time baby #2 is due to arrive in August. But I know that if he doesn't get a job that we have gotten ourselves into a place where we can do with less--money, space, stuff and could very well survive on a part-time/freelance salary.

Thanks for sharing your stories!

Blessings,
Ann
Mommy yo Aine 3/5/01, ^i^Phoenix 11/8/02 and Baby Bee due 8/20/03


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## beanzer (Feb 3, 2003)

I totally know what you mean, ecomommy, about feelings of jealousy. None of our friends has made the choice to simplify, although a couple are working half-time and flex schedules, and I have to admit that I feel pangs of jealousy when I go visit them in their nice houses filled with lovely things - I can really appreciate a beautiful environment, kwim? Even though I know that one day, I'll be able to put out the jade rice bowl collection I bought in Shanghai and all my other nice things, that time is no where in the near future. My house looks like a Montessori preschool, and my white couch (what the *&%$ was I thinking?) is some kind of nasty shade somehwere between brown and grey







:

And what about ironing shirts? Who knew what a pain in the butt that was? I long for dry cleaning again ..... sigh ...

Then I look at all my friends' kids and just feel so sorry for them ... the constant runny noses and ear infections from daycare, the frantic pace, the constant surveillance that is needed to keep the kids from destroying all the nice things - I know that I would be so unhappy and so unfufilled if I were living that kind of life.

I hate having to explain my choices, too. Why does anyone care? I hate being treated as if I am somehow depriving my children because they don't wear Nike sneakers (well, actually, now she does wear Nikes because I got a pair at the thrift shop for $1.00 ). But honestly. It's fine to deprive my child of my love and guidance and care by going off to work for ten hours a day, but I should feel guilty about her not having Disney pajamas? Whatever ...

Sorry, this is turning into a vent. Friends have planned a weekend away and invited us and are now furious that we just can't afford to go away right now ..... we used to be so much fun, apparently ....


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## katencyn (Sep 10, 2002)

I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!








We've done it too, and yes, we feel the jealousy every once in a while. Especially when we go visit DH's bro and sis-in law who have a huge house in an affluent area and just went out to buy WICKED expensive furniture despite the economy and their three and five year old kids.
But simpler is better for us on so many levels, and our DD is flourishing. Any advice for handling parents who keep pushing the conspicuous consumption? Like, giving me Wedgewood when I can't afford a new muffler?







:
Peace to all.
Cyn


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## wimbini (Nov 22, 2001)

I wanted to go back to work when my baby turned three months old. I just laugh at that idea now! Luckily, my husband was very supportive of my decision not to return to work as a lawyer and to become a SAHM instead. We now share one car and have made numerous financial sacrifices to make this happen. We haven't moved yet, but it's on our list. I've gone through almost all of my savings. I still crave material things all the time, especially little Biscotti and Gymboree Easter outfits and expensive portraits.

The same thing happened with my sister... she planned to return to work when her daughter turned three months old. But she couldn't. She was way too in love with her little girl. She and her husband sold their home and moved to a tiny, cheap little 900 square foot house with two bedrooms and one bathroom. They cut out every possible bit of discretionary spending, and she does free lance journalism from home while her daughter naps.

My sister has left her daughter with a baby sitter one time for less than two hours. My daughter has never been left with a baby sitter, our longest separation has been two hours (and she was with her dada). I think AP really does make the mommies more attached.

wimbini


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## ksc (Mar 18, 2003)

I need some advice from experienced moms on how to save money.

I'm about 5 months along (first babe) but my husband and I have to move from SC to OR when I'm eight months! I have cut down on as much as I can think of, but seem to have hit a brick wall. I've been very picky about buying organic foods for obvious reasons, but it seems that our food bills are drowning us. We will definitely sell our second car before the move, and will be scaling down on a lot of belongings to save money on the move. If anyone has read any good ideas or knows of good books or websites on how to save money on food or moving (and all else!) I would appreciate any suggestions.

I'm already beginning to feel like I won't be able to go back to work full time after s/he's born, so I'm looking at cloth diapers and oiling up my sewing machine to make some wipes and clothes. I'm lucky enough to have older siblings and in-laws who will send me maternity clothes and later baby clothes, so I shouldn't have to buy much in that regard. I'm hoping that once we get to Oregon I will have time to start a garden and have my own organic supply!


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## mrzmeg (Jul 16, 2002)

Hi ksc, and welcome to MDC!
I think it's great that you're downsizing. I'm trying too, myself. Exclusively breastfeeding saves lots of money, and so does Elimination Communication. EC is an alternative to cloth diapers (which can get pretty expensive, especially if you spend much time in the Diapering forum







). If you'd like to learn more about EC, head over to our subforum under Diapering







.

Thanks, everyone, for this thread. It's really inspiring!


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## cathe (Nov 17, 2002)

In reply to KSC, I use my sewing machine a lot to help save money. Although I didn't make my own diapers - which I understand you can - I did get some white towels at a garage sale and cut it up to make wipes and diaper pads. I just get them and zig zaged around the edges to keep them from fraying. those little diaper pad inserts are really expensive so I saved a lot of money. I also make my own menstrual pads that way.

Sewing machine is also handy for altering thrift shop clothes - we especially like to get silky nightgowns and shorten them for dress up play. Look for pattern sales at stores - often can get them for $1.00 when normally they are over $10.00 now. I get fabric at yard sales, thrift shops etc.

Also, buying in bulk is great. I buy 25 lb. bags of organic brown rice and organic rolled oats. We have our own chickens so we always have eggs and we trade or sell the extra. ALso, with our veggie garden, I sell or trade extra stuff that I can't preserve.


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## beanzer (Feb 3, 2003)

ksc, I hear ya about drowning with the food bills. I used to buy everything organic, and luckily, here in Canada, the prices have really, really come down. But a lot of it is still too high for our budget.

So I learned how to can - it's really quite easy, but it is absolutely essential to have another set of hands to hold the baby, because there is a lot of boiling water involved, and things have to be done within certain time frames. I figure my canned vegs and fruits cost less than one quarter of what I'd pay for store bought canned, so there is a lot of money to be saved in do it yourself canning. Jars can often be bought at thrift shops, garage sales and especially estate sales.

I had to sacrifice a bit because we just couldn't afford bushels of organic produce. But a good compromise for us has be to buy from small farmers at local farmers markets. There is some pesticide and herbicide use on small farms, but it is usually just what the crops require, and no more, and some of it can be washed off. It's not great, but better than factory farmed crops. Also, organic dairy is out because it is just too crazy expensive ($7.00 for a pound of butter or cheese), except for eggs, which are quite reasonable. Same goes for organic meats - we are almost 100% vegetarian because of the cost. Organic cereals, beans and rice are almost on par with factory farmed stuff, so I get lots of this. I'm slowly starting to adapt recipes and get used to things made with beans and oats .... it's a slow process though. But I'm happy giving up chicken nuggets and steak, considering what I'm getting in return.

I wish I could have my own garden .... that would be awesome, but our little townhouse complex opens onto common space that we are not free to garden as we see fit. We have nice flowers that everyone pays for collectively, but no tomatoes or cucumbers ....

My inlaws keep giving me really expensive crap I don't need either - they'll buy a $600 set of Tommy Hilfiger sheets, shams and bed skirt (our bed is on the floor - hello!), but they will not pay $50 for a set of cloth diapers or some nice wooden toys







And of course I have to hear about how undesirable my neighbourhood is every freakin' time they come to visit ....









But I get a whole life with my little bean in return, and she is blossoming into the happiest, sweetest little person I have ever had the good fortune to meet .....







I'm the luckiest mama in the world

except for all you mamas, of course!


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## Amys1st (Mar 18, 2003)

Yes! AP has changed our family for the better. Before I had my daughter I knew I would not be able to work full time. We waited 5 years to have our daughter so we could have me at home with her. Yes, it is different not having that extra income but all worth it. We sat down before starting our family and wrote out our expenses. When it came down to it, I would be paying to work. Yes we don't have extra money to go out for dinners as much as before or take all the exotic vacations we did- but when would we do this anyway?? We have changed a lot of the way we do things but to see our daughter grow the way she is each day is worth everything.


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## willowsmama (Jan 11, 2003)

Yup! I'm AP and didn't even know it till recently! I stopped working after a car accident, then got preggo and it didn't seem to make sense to return. I was a single mom with my first dd, i always felt bad about the whole daycare mom has to work thing. I vowed not to repeat it. Dh was on board as long as we could still pay the bills.I think I've read every book about money in our library! The best I've found is the'Complete Tightwad Gazette'
Now I'm loving life!







No more rushing to work, coming home to a dirty house most importantly no more 'mom's to tired to play'.
I get to spend everyday with both my kids(we homeschool)and we're actually better off money-wise.


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## Dana (Nov 28, 2001)

Me too! Actually, we didn't downsize, we're just not going to get to 'upsize.' I'm still in grad school so we're used to living lightly. But, instead of going out and getting a nice cushy job with a big salary and no time to play with my dd, we decided to move back near family and a very low cost of living. I'll get to stay home! In fact, we're moving next week, so I should stop typing and start packing.


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## Rebecca11 (Aug 16, 2002)

I AP, though I don't wear a sling much so far with my new baby boy. But he is my 6th, most likely last, and I am enjoying him so much, especially knowing how quickly my others grew big! And the older ones don't want to be AP'd at this point....they want their privacy









We try harder now to keep things simple as our spending tends to get out of control quickly, between repairs on our van, etc. And the cost of feeding so many people is a constant challenge.

Since we homeschool we have some of our kids involved in activities outside the house. This can get a little expensive sometimes, and there've been seasons where we could not afford to do anything like this. But since my kids are home so much, I feel like it's helpful for the older ones especially. It's become harder to keep everyone involved in stuff at home all the time. Anyone else dealing with this type of thing?


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## okiemom (Jan 3, 2003)

Hi everyone-I'm so glad I found this board. When I (surprise!) became pregnant with my fourth child I knew we had to make some changes. My other three are much older and I was working full time at a job that I loved. We moved to a smaller home and have cut our expenses in ways I would have never thought we could have handled as a family with teenagers and a preteen. Though we don't have the money we use to I feel our life is much more satisfying that it was before. I'm home with all the kids now, the baby is completely adored by all and life is good.








However, I do feel twinges of something close to jealously when I see our friends in their huge homes, new cars, boats---etc...... but somehow thier lives seem so frazzled where our seems so in control. It works for us and I'm happy to see it works for other.









Amy--
Mom to Benjamin, Keagan, Kealey and Caleb


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## mamapajama (Feb 9, 2003)

I think we have always tried to live a simple life. It seemed the only way we could do what we really wanted: travel. When I got pregnant I was finishing my fourth year of interpreting school. I guess I decided somewhere in that last year that none of it really mattered. What matters to me is my family. So far, we have managed to live on one income in Seattle, which I feel very good about. We just make a budget and stick wth it. It can be hard and I do look at my friends with money and sometimes wonder what it would be like if we had two incomes. But then I look at my beautiful little boy and I know no amount of money could compensate for the time I get to spend with him.


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## mojomom (Mar 5, 2003)

We are an AP family also and probally like a third of AP'ers we did not realize the way we chose to raise our children had a name.
Well anyway about the whole simplifying thought, for me and dh simplyfying our lives entails alot more then just downsizing our income and spending. We live a very simple life materially,space wise, time wise, and clutter wise. I know lots of families who have a SAHP and still do not live a simplified life. Their lives are full of stuff. Dad's doing "projects" that take up whole weekends. Mom's involved in "projects" that take them away from their babies every Saturday and then they spend all day Sunday catching up on what they did not get done Saturday. The weekends gone and they are wondering where their family time went. Just like cosidering whether taking on a new financial expense is best for the family, dh and I always take time to discuss whether one of us getting involved in something extra curricular is going to effect our ability to give our children and our family everything it is going to need. We look at what is going to be sacrificed when we take on something new. I am not saying we don't do anything special for ourselves we just try to be balanced and remind ourselves what kind of family life we like.
I know this thread was dealing mostly with financial aspects of being simple, but I have been thinking alot about this lately. It is hard sometimes to say no to oppurtunities that come or people asking you to help with certain things, then trying to explain that you like your family time sometimes they look at you like your crazy! Well thanks for letting me ramble


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## petitemama (Nov 20, 2001)

Me & dh have done some major downsizing. It started with the birth of our ds because I decided I wanted us to own a house and live and raise our children in a better neighborhood. In 2 months of living frugal we went from having no savings to having a downpayment on a house and a little extra. It stuck and we have been downsizing more and more ever since. I am a sahm and sometimes I think it is the frugal thing to do. Because I am Sahm I need less clothes, have more time to cook from scratch, time to sew, shop sales, garden, etc. I nurse my ds and clothe diaper. I am happier!!! We have no cable and barely ever go out to eat. We have one economical car. I weigh the pros and cons before spending. I am pregnant and recently wanted to start prenatal yoga. I looked into classes which cost $143.00 for one class a week for 11 weeks. I figured I would have spent about $500.00 by the end of my pregnancy for a once a week class. I instead bought 2 prenatal yoga tapes and 1 prenatal fitness tape for a total of $42.00. I have a yoga & exercise session every morning before ds awakes. I am saving on gas, not having to leave my family,& getting in shape. Little things like that save alot. The only things I am finding hard are buying organic, sometimes feeling secluded( I spend alot of time home), and dh working alot. My dh feels he is provider and sometimes works too much. A really decent book on downsizing is THE TIGHTWARD GAZETTE by amy dacyczyn. I could go on and on about this subject!!! It is my favorite!!! I am also now in the process of trying to communicate to family a better alternative to christmas. Either less gift exchange or more quality gift exchanging. I also need to learn to live harmoniously with shopaholics. I have family & friends where both work and there is no family time and all there life consists of is shopping and working. I sometimes get angry with their ways and I know it is neither right or healthy to feel this way-- It is their life. One last thing- pay cash!! I only use credit cards for online purchases and pay whole balance mothly!!
Frugal & simple for life
Laurie


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## cathe (Nov 17, 2002)

I can relate with Petitemama about sometimes feeling secluded. I was sometimes actually envious that my dh could go out and work just because I was feeling housebound (we live way out in the woods and it's about 35 minutes into town so I don't get out with two kids much). One thing that helped me was joining a local MOMS club. For $25.00 a year, they have playgroups and lots of free activities and even a monthly Mom's Night Out which I really enjoy. Now that the kids are older, I was able to join a writers group (free!) and I get another time to socialize with adults.

This discussion group is a great help to me. I love getting to talk with other moms.


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## HotMama (Oct 26, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by ksc_
*I need some advice from experienced moms on how to save money.

I'm about 5 months along (first babe) but my husband and I have to move from SC to OR when I'm eight months!

I'm hoping that once we get to Oregon I will have time to start a garden and have my own organic supply!*
Where in OR are you moving?


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## SoHappy (Nov 19, 2001)

At last, people who understand where I'm coming from!! I love my simple life. My family is happy and healthy. We enjoy life so much we don't have to try to spend our way out of misery like we see so many people doing. I wish they could see we live this way because it's a full and rewarding life, not because we're poor. They can keep their trophy furniture and fancy dinners. Our slipcovered couch and home-grown lettuce suits us just fine.

So, what have I gained? The most incredible relationship with my son. Time to play. Confidence in my abilities and womanhood. Time to work in the garden. Knowledge about things I never made time for. Peace. Sleep. An awesome, generous, compassionate child. An increased appreciation for the beauty surrounding us. Time to help others. I also regained my public activism -- I ran a non-profit, so I was hesitant to offend any supporters with my politics and had to do most stuff kinda "underground". Now I can shoot off my mouth again, and it's wonderful! Ds and I can visit out of town friends at the drop of a hat. I can listen to my neighbor tell me the same story for the 9th time without feeling angry about how much of my precious and rare spare time it's taking. Satisfaction of volunteer jobs. Appreciation for our son's fascinations. Oh, it goes on and on.

What have I lost? I'm sure there are times I must think I've lost something, but right now I'm drawing blanks. I don't miss my boss, I don't miss my sporty cars, I don't miss kissing a**, I don't miss the ladies in the office who worked full-time so they could have houses they never spent time in and ladies to clean them. I don't miss the clothes. I don't miss the rush to fix dinner in half an hour. I don't miss waking up in the middle of the night all stressed out and making lists in my head until dawn. I don't miss the snooty ladies in the snooty lady clothing stores.

Tonight's library night. We look forward to it each week. A nice stroll to get there, an excited chat on the way home with our new items. New books and videos and a visit with the librarian. A climb to the top of a parking structure to look at the town below and admire the tree tops. Maybe a ride down on the elevator for fun. A simple and delicious dinner when we get home. Lots of snuggling, maybe a glass of cheap wine. Books to read in bed.

Simplicity soothes the soul.


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## mojomom (Mar 5, 2003)

I already posted once but I reall am enjoying this thread.








SoHappy, your Library night sounds heavenly. I really truly believe these are the things our children are going to remember and cherish. Taking the TIME to enjoy things.
I agree about people working to live in homes they don't even get time to enjoy. We live in a very affluent area, lots of big houses I was telling dh people don't live in their homes anymore. They buy these big homes and for what, to sleep in. It is very sad.Just wanted to say thanks for such a nice read and reminder.


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## Elismama (Jan 2, 2002)

SoHappy-

That was beautiful, thank you!

-jeanie


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## okiemom (Jan 3, 2003)

Bravo, SoHappy! Thank you for reminding me why I stay home. I also feel secluded-not because we live too far out but because I don't know too many other families like us. I would love to have someone close by who lived the way we do.

Thanks again
Amy
Mom to Benjamin, Keagan, Kealey & Caleb


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## barbara (Feb 13, 2002)

We married and started our family young, so we never really had a chance to get entrenched in the material lifestyle. My sister choose a different path, has never had children, and it has been easy over the years to envy the carefree lifestyle she has.

Now that some of our children are grown with children of their own, I have a new perspective. I wouldn't have changed a thing! The benifits of sacrificing so much to be able to be home with my children so vastly out-weigh any discomfort we have encountered over the years. Not that it hasn't been hard, but the rewards of nurturing and watching my children grow up to be confident and loving individuals, has made the hardships fade into the backround!

















-b


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## yogamama (Nov 19, 2001)

I just wanted to add our family to the list.

My husband and I always worked toward making environmental and socially responsible choices, but being attachment parenting parents has pushed us much further. I quit my job to stay home and now we are really working to live out our values. And it is hard (and lonely) sometimes. I really feel like an outsider in many situations - we live in a pretty mainstream neighborhood and I'm really feeling like I could use alot more community support. Too bad our house is so affordable and moving would be such a huge undertaking - I fantazise about living in a more supportive neighborhood.

Besides our own convictions and Mothering Magazine, the thing that really helps me is my Le Leche League group. The example of other AP mamas really helps me when I doubt what I'm doing - and I don't feel like such a radical for making the choices that I'm making...

Good thread. I'm tired and need to get to bed, but more later!
Blessings.
Kathleen


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## LailaCA (Jan 4, 2003)

So Happy....

Where are you on the Central Coast? I am in Morgan Hill.


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## LailaCA (Jan 4, 2003)

I try to downsize as much as possible. I have two pairs of jeans and only bought one pair of low heeled winter boots...the first pair of new shoes in several years. My largest food expense is organic as well. I BF exclusively.

My DH wants me to go back to work. He has very expensive hobbies. I have none and he keeps insisting I get one. Staying home with ds, reading, writing emails, Mothering, and working on my baby book are hobbies enough for me. I love cooking too and that is an enjoyable hobby. I have been very conservative with spending...nothing for me. NOt so with him. He refuses to cut back but wants me to go to work. This is so hard on me.
Thanks for all the inspiring posts. This is the lifestyle I want...not the 150 stupid channels on the dishnetwork that we supposedly need.


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## Genevieverae (Mar 20, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by ksc_
*I need some advice from experienced moms on how to save money.

I'm about 5 months along (first babe) but my husband and I have to move from SC to OR when I'm eight months! I have cut down on as much as I can think of, but seem to have hit a brick wall. I've been very picky about buying organic foods for obvious reasons, but it seems that our food bills are drowning us.

*
I made a similar move when I was 7 months along from OH to MT and we really did it cheap. We sold everything, clothes, all furniture, we were ruthless. Haven't missed the clothes a bit, it's nice to get different things when you get where you're going.... but if you want to do it cheap hit yard sales and used stores like Good Will and Salvation Army and Value Village. If you only pay a $1 for it, it's not hard to part with later either. Often you can get good clothes too, just be picky, buy only what you need, and stick to your values of simplicity. Only bring what you can fit into your car... the only thing to keep is any camping gear if you already own and use it... and bikes.

For food there is expensive organic and cheap organic. Bulk beans cost the same here whether they are organic or full of pesticides. If you make everything from scratch it's much cheaper. Nothing premade, and no junk food. Other ways to be cheap are to be vegetarian or even vegan, or cut back to meat one day a week and make it in ways that it will stretch into several meals. A chicken can be bought whole for the same $ as just the breasts. Cook it the first night, the second night it can be deboned and served on a salad, as filling for enchiladas (corn tortillas filled with chicken, onions (optional while pregnant) and parmesan cheese and then covered with monteray jack cheese, and blend a can of tomatoes, milk and a can of chilies and an egg-bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes) or you can make chicken soup with TONS of vegetables.

Don't be afraid to apply for WIC and anything else you qualify for, think of it as a tax break for being a good mother, car and oil industries get lots of tax breaks and you are much more worthy.

One book that can help save you money when setting up shop is THE ART AND SCIENCE OF DUMPSTER DIVING-not for the faint of heart, and definately a mind bend. In the suburbs it's more like shopping from your car. It's the best way to pick up old furniture and big stuff like that... we wouldn't actually bother to stop unless something caught our eye, then we'd pull up and check it out and if we could use it, throw it into the back of the car. It's usually pretty obvious what people are throwing out, and if you do it during the day you can always knock on the door and ask if you are in doubt.

A step up are garage sales and used stores... but don't let the cheap price lure you into collecting crap you don't need.


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## snoozeanne (Mar 22, 2003)

I'm currently pregnant and plan to stay home when my first baby is born in september. I've been working a seasonal job and my huband is a student (getting a better job so he can work less so we can play more!). Some of the reasons I'm planning to stay home: breastfeeding will be easier, I want my children to have MY values imparted on them not the daycare provider's, I can homeschool, we get to enjoy fabulous food (I'll have more time), and when hubby gets home from work we can enjoy our evenings and weekends instead of having to do routine household chores. i grew up in a large family, so doing everything with a kid in tow doesn't bug me.
I already lead a pretty frugal lifestyle, partly necessity, but also because it frees up $$ for things I really want, mostly bike stuff, but at least that's a very healthy hobby, I feel no guilt, and healthy organic food. Some of the ways we save is by not having cable (frees up lots of time too), having one not so new fuel efficient car (I ride to work, seasonal employment helps







) We don't buy prepackaged foods. We rarely eat meat, although that's more of a health issue but it does save a ton of money. TVP is great, it's a staple in my kitchen- replaced ground beef in sauces etc. We compost and recycle to cut down on garbage removal costs ($1/bag here) I use baking soda and vinegar to clean just about everything (non toxic too), I don't use expensive beauty products, I buy almost all my clothes and household goods at thrift stores... I love hunting for bargains. I'm also going to use a simple cloth diaper system once baby arrives, I use a keeper for myself and am collecting almost all baby items used. I do belive in buying some things of good quality new because in the end they save you time and money.... I'm not just being frugal, I'm also being environmentally concious.
I don't feel deprived. I live in a small town and we hardly ever go out for dinner because by the time the food is as good as or better than i like to make it myself it's quite pricey. I don't smoke at all or drink much when I'm not pregnant so the bar isn't a temptation.
As soon as dh is done school, we're planning to buy a place in the country, which will mean a second car, but we'll be able to grow a lot of our own food.
I think it's time women who are SAHM's stop having to explain themselves to others. I certainly think my quality of life as a child was enhanced because my mom was there whenever I needed her, especially when I was older. Besides, why is it OK to have a baby sitter look after your kids, but when you want to do it yourself you're met with a dissaproving gaze by some?! I think that being a full time parent is a valid job (not like you're sitting on the couch all day, lol)
That turned out to be rather long... thanks for reading. one of the $$ saving websites I have found useful is http://www.stretcher.com/index.cfm
Susanne


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## Addie's Mom (Mar 23, 2003)

I very rarely ever post and have never done so here, but this is such an interesting topic, I had to add my 2 cents. I am a first time mother with a 15 month old little girl. Having her in my life has totally changed my perspective on what is important in life. I have known for some time that if I have everything that I want, then someone else will not have what they need. Having Addie in my life has made me live closer to my ideals. Richness in life is not monetary. I want to teach her that. I want to be a living example.

Best of luck everyone.


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## Averilbaveril (Mar 23, 2003)

My husband and I are both qualified to do the same thing: teach oboe and music theory. So when I took leave from my college job to have our first child, he covered for me. Then we decided to share the job, and we have continued this through a second child and perhaps for much longer. I do not regret not moving "higher" in my career, but I do find it hard sometimes to be as health-conscious (buy organic food for instance), when we have less money. I know that once we made the decision to work this way, I could never go back. Leaving my 8 month old for four hours a day is hard enough!


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## MSings (Jan 3, 2002)

Thank-you to everyone who has posted. You have reaffirmed for me what sometimes gets lost in the day to day- that the life I live is a conscious choice which results in a richness that money can't buy. I stay at home with my son and my husband is running a business in our dining room which is actually just a "space" downstairs with no separating wall or door. I went to a professional meeting this week to keep up my license and when I told two old friends (both moms) that "I work at home" it took a while to get through that "I work" can mean "I am a full time stay at home mom" My best advice for someone who wants to adopt a simpler life is to "Stop shopping" as much as possible. I wondered through a department store yesterday for the first time in many many months and had to laugh at the little sand toy sets on sale for $12- it is sad how our society works so hard to get its members to buy stuff they don't need and fails to support the building and maintenance of strong relationships and loving families.


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## SoHappy (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm just poking my head back in to say I'm really enjoying this conversation, and it's nice to see so many of the newer members contributing.
Thanks everybody!!!


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## galadriel (Jan 21, 2003)

I've gotten flamed before on message boards for believing that AP has anything to do with simplicity. I always get "Well we have a 5000 square foot house and every baby accessory known to man, and we're AP because we're responding to our child's needs".

I am totally committed to ecologically thoughtful and simple living, and was long before I became a parent. If AP technically has nothing to do with how much stuff you have or don't have, by choice or not, then what do you call an AP parent who is equally committed to parenting well and walking lightly on the earth? I need a title for myself, because if I just say "AP" then people make assumptions that I have no problem with certain lifestyle choices, which, frankly, I do, whether I express it directly to people or not. I don't know if it should matter, but I feel I need to go farther than "AP"-- I want to belong to a group of people who are also committed to simplicity-- like most of you on this thread.

"Attachment Parent Committed to Simple Living"? Hmm.... APCSL-- messy acronym! Ooh!! "SLAP-- Simple Living Attachment Parent"! How's that for ironic? LOL!!


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## member (Apr 15, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Ubertulip_
*"SLAP-- Simple Living Attachment Parent"! How's that for ironic? LOL!!*
:LOL
















We should start a SLAP thread in FYT!


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## mommymushbrain (Nov 2, 2002)

Not only has my monetary lifestyle downsized, so has my attitude. I have lost so many friends because I am no longer the wild party girl... They never thought I'd be the type to have children to begin with and yet here I am, with 3... AP, extended breastfeeder, non-spanking.

We haven't gone totally organic, but we are starting our first garden this year. I want some chickens... I want some pigs (but that is because I hate my neighbors and want to put the pen near their side of the property line so they can whiff it)... I went from partying in downtown Indianapolis to barefoot in Arkansas.

What I love is when I have all 3 of the kids out in public and I hear the "my you must have your hands full!" I smile and say that I wouldn't have it any other way... and 9 times out of 10 the person always tells me how well behaved they are. The best I ever heard was "I didn't even know there were children in here! They are just so quiet and behaved!"

That is just one affirmation that I am doing right. The others are seeing my girls so happy and not fearful of me or their dad. They trust us, they know they can come to us... I find it so sweet when my 3y/o comes to me and tells me that she accidentally broke something and always follows with an I'm sorry. All of them know that we might be dissappointed, but they don't have to fear spankings.

I cannot fathom our lives being any other way.


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## DebraBaker (Jan 9, 2002)

We live way below our means and it feels so good. (seriously)

I have been a SAHM for 24 years and when we started out we were desperately poor (too young to have children LOL) but as we became more prosperous I realized that the choices I was making as a poor young mother were the ones I more consciously choose as an older more affluent mother (just now I can buy more of the beautiful wooden and natural fibre toys and healthy organic foods this is the only real benefit I see, that and being able to afford healthcare)

It is just a basic truth that resonates within my spirit that it is moral to live modestly. That it is immoral (can't judge others but must evaluate my own choices) to have more stuff than I need!!!

About six years ago I felt the L-rd speak to me that I shouldn't hoard things. I had, at the time, consigned clothing making about $150/season that I used to help buy clothing for my children. I felt the L-rd tell me to *give* away extra things, to not hoard because hoarding was an act of fear.

So I decluttered and gave away anything we didn't need (saving only one memory clothing for each child) and we have been so tremendously blessed, I am always able to find good sales for good high quality natural fibre clothes for my children.

My grown children have also learned to live this way. My oldest is married and she and her DS have, like 60 or 70 prime acres of land that he inhereted and they live *very* simply. She shops for bargains and cooks natural organic foods as much as she can. My secondborn is engaged and her fiance grew up in an affluent home (dad was fatcat corporate lawyer, the kind you love to hate) and he has no clue why getting the jeans at the gap for $10 is such a thrill. (she's teaching him LOL)

I think the philosophy of ap (valuing the relationships rather than relying upon things) is so harmonious with VS philosophies.

Oddly, the very best place where I fit are right here on the Mothering boards (others think I'm a bit crunchey)

Debra Baker


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## taliatoes (Jul 28, 2002)

I love this thread!
My dh and I have done many of the things you all mentioned. We live downtown in a small apartment so dh and I can both walk to work. Our dd has a tiny bedroom, that is perfect for her toys, books and clothes. If we bought a huge house we would have to spend time working to make money to buy things to fill it. Then we we would have to spend time cleaning and caring for it. Our little apt is easy to clean, and we can always see each other no matter what we are doing (essential for a busy 2 year old)
I work opposite time of day as my husband so he can watch 2 year old dd when I am away. I only work 12hrs / week so I can throroughly enjoy dd. We don't have a car, much to the dismay of our family members. We walk everywhere: groceries, library, play centres, local YMCA etc. The only thing we have spent money on is our strollers and baby carriers and cloth diapers: 3 things I am obsessed with








We buy any necessary clothes on sale, buy groceries at the furthest possible location because it is cheaper, get movies and books from the library and make everything from scratch. We are all happier living simply and enjoyiong time together rather than making money to pay for childcare and fancy clothes that will get stained and expensive trinkets that will get broken.
Our friends and family think we are crazy hippies beacuse our beds on are the floor, dd still breastfeeds, cloth diapers and I stay home even though I could make good money in my career.
We couldn't be happier


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## michinisly (Jan 14, 2003)

Thank you for all the encouraging post. I have never regreted staying home with my DD. It is a little harder for my DH. He does enjoy spending money, but even the short period I babysat he realized he hated it when I worked. I enjoy making nice dinners and having a somewhat organized house. I think the advice someone gave about not shopping too much was great- even good bargains can add up and you spend more money than you should have. It is hard when everyone around feels you need to have so much stuff. I feel the more stuff you have you simply have more clutter. In my house if it hasn't been worn or used in a year I give it away. (Well reall only my stuff- My DH's stuff gets put in a box in the attic) He never misses it though. I feel renewed in my convictions to live a simple life- Thanks!!!


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## LI_mama (Apr 8, 2003)

I really just want to say 'ahhhhh'

I'm on Long Island, New York - home to the strip mall & consumerism!

These are all the issues I have been struggling with & it seems like such a blessing to have found this forum & I particularly enjoyed reading this thread. Thank you to everyone for sharing!

Gwen


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

I wasn't going to post because I thought, "Well, it isn't AP that's helped me downsize--we live pretty simply already!" But then I realized







our values come from our parents! It's because of the way we were raised that we find it so easy to live this way!

We have a medium-sized house for our family size, as do my parents. My outlaws (partner's parents) have a huge house. All of those houses are moderately cluttered. BUT the clutter comes from yard sales, hand-me-downs, etc., and is lovingly preserved to last as long as possible and is passed on to others when we have no further use for it. We tend to entertain ourselves rather than spend a lot of money on stuff, walk instead of drive, etc., etc., all because those are values we learned in childhood.








I hope this encourages all of you when you think about your kids' future! Your way of life isn't just helping them to be healthy and well-adjusted; it's helping them to be kind to the earth for many generations to come!


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