# Spots to go nurse when out in public.



## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Long story short, I need to know some decent spots where I can go nurse DD since apparently I'm not discrete enough (according to DH) even though I keep my shirt pulled down and her head covers the rest. Yes, DD is at a point where she likes to pop off for a minute or so leaving my boob exposed. So when you're out in public (or @ someone's house for that matter.), where do you go to nurse so that you can do it w/o folks seein' the boobs?


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## acannon (Nov 21, 2007)

I don't go anywhere special. I do it whereever and whenever he's hungry. No one's said anything negative about it yet. One guy saw me and told me that he and his brothers were breastfed and that's the only comment I've had about it. Do you use nursing shirts/tanks? Those help quite a bit. Using a carrier, like a sling, helps, too, because you can use it to cover more. I use a sling, have a nursing tank top that I use, and I pull the outer shirt over the exposed part. That seems to work so far.

One reason your DH might have said that is if he's not comfortable with the idea of you NIP. Mine isn't and he doesn't like me talking about it. I think he just tries not to think about it.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Your DH's comfort level should not necessarily be the guiding factor here. If you are comfortable, then you nurse wherever you are, however you'd like. There's no reason to hide.

I usually find a quiet, out of the way bench, the shade of a tree, a quiet bedroom, whatever. That's for DD's comfort, not anyone else's. She's always been very distractable and has a hard time settling down, especially if we're out and about.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *acannon* 
I don't go anywhere special. I do it whereever and whenever he's hungry. No one's said anything negative about it yet. One guy saw me and told me that he and his brothers were breastfed and that's the only comment I've had about it. Do you use nursing shirts/tanks? Those help quite a bit. Using a carrier, like a sling, helps, too, because you can use it to cover more. I use a sling, have a nursing tank top that I use, and I pull the outer shirt over the exposed part. That seems to work so far.

One reason your DH might have said that is if he's not comfortable with the idea of you NIP. Mine isn't and he doesn't like me talking about it. I think he just tries not to think about it.

I've been NIP whereever and whenever but apparently people have told him and not me that they're uncomfortable with it 'cause they don't want to hurt my feelings. I used a MayaWrap for a bit but it makes my shoulder hurt w/a vengeance since it aggravates soft tissue damage done when I got hit by a car. I just got a Mei Tai in the mail today which I adore but am not sure how to nurse in.

I have a nursing tank and a nursing shirt (one of each) but apparently that's not good enough somehow since he said "You do realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs?!" He even started in about how all the "perverts" could see and so on.

Thus wondering where to go, besides bathrooms, of course.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
Your DH's comfort level should not necessarily be the guiding factor here. If you are comfortable, then you nurse wherever you are, however you'd like. There's no reason to hide.

I usually find a quiet, out of the way bench, the shade of a tree, a quiet bedroom, whatever. That's for DD's comfort, not anyone else's. She's always been very distractable and has a hard time settling down, especially if we're out and about.

I'm rather comfortable but apparently folks are complaining to him for fear of hurting my feelings by coming to me directly. So I'm not just dealing w/his comfort level, I'm dealing with other people's too.

Part of me feels like I might as well just not go out for the next year and a half or so that she'll be bfing but I know that's not workable so I'm trying to work out a solution that will please everyone w/o me going completely crazy.


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## NewMama2007 (Mar 4, 2007)

I've always used a blanket, for my own comfort. I used my HotSling thrown over my shoulder also (kind of like a purse - my arm through the loop of fabric and over my shoulder). I don't leave the room though. It makes my inlaws so uncomfortable, but I figure I'm covered, they can't see anything, they need to get over it!


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

I don't have any advice for locations - tonight I nursed DD while sitting on the floor of a bookstore, yesterday I walked around a store nursing her. I just wanted to say that this post makes me sad. You're doing a beautiful thing for your LO. Keep it up!


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## Neth Naneth (Aug 11, 2006)

I agree with teh pp you are doing an awesome job, don't start. My advice is this when you have a baby is pops off a lot try nursing with your hand relaxed at the top of your shirt so the mili-second your DC pops off you can pull your top over your boob. That is what I do. Good luck.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kawa kamuri* 
I don't have any advice for locations - tonight I nursed DD while sitting on the floor of a bookstore, yesterday I walked around a store nursing her. I just wanted to say that this post makes me sad. You're doing a beautiful thing for your LO. Keep it up!









I have no intention of stopping bfing. The thing for me now is to be able to find places quickly when she gets hungry that are private enough so its just me and her while she eats and than when she's done, rejoin the rest of the world.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewMama2007* 
I've always used a blanket, for my own comfort. I used my HotSling thrown over my shoulder also (kind of like a purse - my arm through the loop of fabric and over my shoulder). I don't leave the room though. It makes my inlaws so uncomfortable, but I figure I'm covered, they can't see anything, they need to get over it!

I've tried using a blanket in the beginning but she despises things over her face so I gave up on that rather quickly which leaves me at a loss.


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## pantufla (Jun 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I have no intention of stopping bfing. The thing for me now is to be able to find places quickly when she gets hungry that are private enough so its just me and her while she eats and than when she's done, rejoin the rest of the world.

I just find a nice comfy place to sit. And then I focus on my baby and the rest of the world just fades away...







Unless my 3yo is bugging me of course.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Neth Naneth* 
I agree with teh pp you are doing an awesome job, don't start. My advice is this when you have a baby is pops off a lot try nursing with your hand relaxed at the top of your shirt so the mili-second your DC pops off you can pull your top over your boob. That is what I do. Good luck.

I usually tend to wear some shirts that are a bit large on me so the fabric will fall over my boob if she pops off but apparently its not enough for everyone around me. Any other private spots besides bathrooms and fitting rooms that you ladies know of?


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pantufla* 
I just find a nice comfy place to sit. And then I focus on my baby and the rest of the world just fades away...







Unless my 3yo is bugging me of course.









I wish it was so easy for me. *wistful sigh* Sad to say that I'm surrounded by folks who aren't as understanding of my nursing and are apparently offended by it. The thought of just staying home save for essential trips out such as to the grocery is starting to get really tempting just to avoid the argument altogether.


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## Turkish Kate (Sep 2, 2006)

A few questions: Who are all these people who are so offended by your baby's eating habits? Is this one or two family members? Family friends? Neighbors? The whole town? Or could this be a blown-out-of-all-proportion comment by one ignorant person? And why is their comfort more important than yours and your baby's? Are these people you could choose not to see for a while--like until your baby weans? Could you surround yourself with a better class of people? What about your husband getting your back? Shouldn't he be standing up for his wife and child instead of passing along ignorant comments? Why is it your responsibility to be concerned about another person's discomfort with breastfeeding?

If you want someplace private for *your* comfort level, then by all means, look for some place that suits you, but don't feel that you need to hide because some people around you are uncomfortable with breastfeeding. It's not your problem, it's theirs. There is absolutely no reason for you to stay home except for trips to the grocery store unless that is what *you* want to do. Aboslutely essential is to get your husband on board. I'm a big judgmental, I'll admit, but I have no tolerance for a man who passes such comments on to his wife and expects her to comply for *other people's* comfort. Harrumpf.

For me, if someone had a problem with howmy baby eats, they can go hang out with someone else. Maybe I'll deign to see them again once my baby is weaned. And if someone didn't want me breastfeeding in their house, that's fine. I won't be going over there again. (And this *did* happen to me once with DD, 14 years ago. I was thrown out of my in-law's house for breastfeeding and never went back.)


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## Erin+babyAndrew (Jan 2, 2004)

I think the people around you need to get over themselves and accept that a nursing baby and a glimpse of a human breast is not something that needs to be hidden away. It's their attitude that is disgusting mama, they should be ashamed of what they are thinking. Nursing your baby is normal


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
A few questions: Who are all these people who are so offended by your baby's eating habits? Is this one or two family members? Family friends? Neighbors? The whole town? Or could this be a blown-out-of-all-proportion comment by one ignorant person? And why is their comfort more important than yours and your baby's? Are these people you could choose not to see for a while--like until your baby weans? Could you surround yourself with a better class of people? What about your husband getting your back? Shouldn't he be standing up for his wife and child instead of passing along ignorant comments? Why is it your responsibility to be concerned about another person's discomfort with breastfeeding?

From what I understood, it's members of our friend and our family. Personally, I could care less what they think but apparently my not caring isn't sensitive to the other people's feelings. He told me it's fine and well for me to bf but I need to be more in tune w/others' feelings about it and so I need to be more discrete and/or find another room. He's rather uptight about others seeing my "private" parts because he thinks its his job to protect me and from what I could gather, my NIP makes it hard for him to do so.

I mean, I suppose, I could not just see the family and his friends (mine all moved way out of town and out of state) until she weaned. It wouldn't be the first time I've dropped off the face of the planet but now he's upset that I've changed plans from bfing for a year to 2 yrs. Apparently, it's "icky" to nurse a toddler in his eyes. I'm trying to suss out why but so far no luck

It's part of him trying to help me be more sensitive to others since there's not too much of filter between my brain and my words and actions. The conversation started because some weeks ago, I innocently offered to express some bm for a toddler that is a great nephew of his best friend. So it went from that to my NIP making people uncomfortable. He likened it to my telling people how to raise their child. I was asked if I'd like it if people told me how to raise DD. I responded in the the negative and he told me that what I'm doing is quite similar to that and that I needed to start finding places to be nurse her because I'm not discrete. (Still trying to figure out how but its what he says and I trust what he's telling me.)

He's all for me breastfeeding our DD; he's reassured me of this many times. I just don't think he's as on board w/me NIP. The first time we went out for lunch, 2w pp, I fed our DD in the bathroom at his request because my NIP is "rude". We had a row over it and I told him I would not be feeding our DD in a bathroom and I thought that was the end of that. Obviously, I was wrong.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
If you want someplace private for *your* comfort level, then by all means, look for some place that suits you, but don't feel that you need to hide because some people around you are uncomfortable with breastfeeding. It's not your problem, it's theirs. There is absolutely no reason for you to stay home except for trips to the grocery store unless that is what *you* want to do. Aboslutely essential is to get your husband on board. I'm a big judgmental, I'll admit, but I have no tolerance for a man who passes such comments on to his wife and expects her to comply for *other people's* comfort. Harrumpf.

As I've said in other posts, I could care less, but I need to start finding places for the comfort of the people I'm around since what I'm doing is apparently insensitive to their feelings. It's just a compromise that I'm going to have to make if I want this argument to stop instead of going on for as long as DD nurses.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
For me, if someone had a problem with how my baby eats, they can go hang out with someone else. Maybe I'll deign to see them again once my baby is weaned. And if someone didn't want me breastfeeding in their house, that's fine. I won't be going over there again. (And this *did* happen to me once with DD, 14 years ago. I was thrown out of my in-law's house for breastfeeding and never went back.)

I've already wanted to quit hanging out w/his friend because I disagree so strongly w/the way he and his wife raise their children but I was told I need to start coming more because "they think I hate them", which I don't, I'm just not wanting to kick it because I don't have much if anything in common w/them and I turn into a babysitter while I'm there which isn't cool in my book. So it's just this never ending battle that I'm over and that I'm going to give in on just so it'll freakin' go away.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Erin+babyAndrew* 
I think the people around you need to get over themselves and accept that a nursing baby and a glimpse of a human breast is not something that needs to be hidden away. It's their attitude that is disgusting mama, they should be ashamed of what they are thinking. Nursing your baby is normal









It's what I keep telling him but he says it's "insensitive" and that I need to learn to filter my actions and words more because I have been offensive in how I bf because other people aren't as comfortable w/it as I am.

So thus wondering where the good spots are to go bf her before rejoining the world at large.


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## clintonhillmama (Dec 21, 2006)

i don't know if this is enough of a solution for you, but it helps me when i NIP -
i try to go out wearing a cardigan over a tshirt. that way, when i pull up my tshirt to nurse, the cardigan is covering any exposed skin.

i do try sometimes to find a quiet corner when out in public - that way both baby and i can relax while she's eating.


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## jenjenl18 (Jul 6, 2007)

I would tell you to avoid bathrooms...thats icky. Other than that if you're at someones house, ask if you can use a guest room/formal living room, empty room in the house. If its these same people then I bet they will still have a problem with even the idea of you nursing around them. So honestly I would just nurse in front of them but thats me. In public like a restaurant....there only is the bathroom and a waiting room. Ask your husband where he thinks you should go in that situation. If the answer is waiting room then my guess is HE has a problem when your friends and family possibly seeing your breast or something. At target or something I have done it in the fitting rooms (if I'm there), back table of eating area, rocker in baby section. I nurse all the time in front of my FIL and MIL never nursed hers, he has no problems with it I think cause in the beginning (when my breasts were MELONS and it was hard not to expose myself) he was over our house and I just said, "I'm gonna bf DS now but don't feel like you need to leave cause I could care less." And I think that set the tone KWIM?
My only concern is that your missing out on social interactions. Are you planning on having and nursing another child? If so thats 3yrs min. of being a recluse. Do you really want that? And when your DD is older and you have to explain to her that you have to go hide to nurse her lil brother/sister, what will you say and will it make her maybe have an aversion to nursing her own children in the future?? I know those questions may seem far off but really I think they are important to think about.
My DH tells me he thinks that when my DS can ask for it hes too old to nurse anymore. Well my DS is 10mos old and not eating solids and no where near weaning (neither am I) and he pretty much asks for it now. I tell him "do you think DS can just go from nursing every 2-3hrs to nothing...that'd be traumatic...he doesn't look at it as a boob. To him its simply milk and mommy and your a pervert if you read into it anymore" End of convo.
GL momma. I hope you have the strength to stand up to your DH bc I think these are more his issues than that of you being insensitive to others or others having issues about NIP.


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## Turkish Kate (Sep 2, 2006)

I'm gonna be brutally honest--my tact meter is broken today. Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I have no intention of stopping bfing. The thing for me now is to be able to find places quickly when she gets hungry that are private enough so its just me and her while she eats and than when she's done, rejoin the rest of the world.

Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
It's what I keep telling him but he says it's "insensitive" and that I need to learn to filter my actions and words more because I have been offensive in how I bf because other people aren't as comfortable w/it as I am.

So thus wondering where the good spots are to go bf her before rejoining the world at large.


I agree with the PP - this is your husband's problem. He needs to deal with it and not treat you like a child. I'm not sre why you're taking his word that what you're doing is rude - what do you mean about your filter between you mind and mouth not working? It's not your job to always make other people comfortable.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenjenl18* 
I would tell you to avoid bathrooms...thats icky. Other than that if you're at someones house, ask if you can use a guest room/formal living room, empty room in the house. If its these same people then I bet they will still have a problem with even the idea of you nursing around them. So honestly I would just nurse in front of them but thats me. In public like a restaurant....there only is the bathroom and a waiting room. Ask your husband where he thinks you should go in that situation. If the answer is waiting room then my guess is HE has a problem when your friends and family possibly seeing your breast or something.

I _know_ he has issues with people seeing my breasts due to past issues in our relationship but I've tried to explain that the context is completely different. Nursing a baby is so not the equal of me being a slut. And he goes on about the "perverts" seeing my boobs. I can see where he's coming from but I think he's just over-reacting on a grand scale.

I've nursed in bathrooms before so I know I can do it again, I just didn't like it. I just wasn't sure if there were other places besides bathrooms and fitting rooms that one could go. We don't have a "waiting room" in the restaurants around here. (Than again, maybe it's 'cause we got to mom and pop places to eat)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenjenl18* 
At target or something I have done it in the fitting rooms (if I'm there), back table of eating area, rocker in baby section. I nurse all the time in front of my FIL and MIL never nursed hers, he has no problems with it I think cause in the beginning (when my breasts were MELONS and it was hard not to expose myself) he was over our house and I just said, "I'm gonna bf DS now but don't feel like you need to leave cause I could care less." And I think that set the tone KWIM?
My only concern is that your missing out on social interactions. Are you planning on having and nursing another child? If so thats 3yrs min. of being a recluse. Do you really want that? And when your DD is older and you have to explain to her that you have to go hide to nurse her lil brother/sister, what will you say and will it make her maybe have an aversion to nursing her own children in the future?? I know those questions may seem far off but really I think they are important to think about.
My DH tells me he thinks that when my DS can ask for it hes too old to nurse anymore. Well my DS is 10mos old and not eating solids and no where near weaning (neither am I) and he pretty much asks for it now. I tell him "do you think DS can just go from nursing every 2-3hrs to nothing...that'd be traumatic...he doesn't look at it as a boob. To him its simply milk and mommy and your a pervert if you read into it anymore" End of convo.
GL momma. I hope you have the strength to stand up to your DH bc I think these are more his issues than that of you being insensitive to others or others having issues about NIP.









We do plan on TTC when she's around 2 and a half to put approx. 3y between herself and any potential siblings and yes, barring any acts of God that prevent me from nursing, I will be nursing again when/if we have that next child. It's not my favorite plan to leave the room or just not go out while she's nursing but I don't see where I have a whole lot in the way of choice since my feeding choice is insensitive to others.

What will I say to her when she asks why I leave the room to nurse her little brother or sister? I'm guessing something along the lines of "Some people are not comfortable with me not using a bottle to feed DC2 so I go to another room so that I'm not being insensitive to their feelings and am being respectful of what they feel." I don't know if that answer would make her averse to nursing her own child one day. I pray not but it's not something that I can control.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too. 









:










Sorry. I don't hide to feed my child. Period. Someone else doesn't like it- that's their problem. They are welcome to go away or put a blanket over their head.

-Angela


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.

From what my DH said, they were too afraid to hurt my feelings as I tend to feel rather deeply and "over-react" to something that's not meant as hurtful. So in the interest of being more sensitive to people around me, I'm trying to find where I can nurse her w/o them seeing any unintentional boob.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
I agree with the PP - this is your husband's problem. He needs to deal with it and not treat you like a child. I'm not sre why you're taking his word that what you're doing is rude - what do you mean about your filter between you mind and mouth not working? It's not your job to always make other people comfortable.

I tend to say or do what ever comes to mind. No real tact filter as it were. If I think it, it's coming out of my mouth or I'm doing it.


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## crunchyconmomma (Feb 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
Your DH's comfort level should not necessarily be the guiding factor here. If you are comfortable, then you nurse wherever you are, however you'd like. There's no reason to hide.


what she said.

You're DH is a perfectly wonderful man, I'm sure because you married him and had a baby with him, but he seems to have some stuff that he needs your help to work on. You wouldn't be asking where to bottle feed your baby, if his maturity and comfort levels were the only concern, would you? Talk gently to him and help him to be your advocate and an advocate for BF being right, natural acceptable and normal. Boobies are not only for men to fondle and oogle!


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
From what my DH said, they were too afraid to hurt my feelings as I tend to feel rather deeply and "over-react" to something that's not meant as hurtful. So in the interest of being more sensitive to people around me, I'm trying to find where I can nurse her w/o them seeing any unintentional boob.

Why can't the people around you be more sensative to YOU? Seeing skin never killed anyone.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchyconmomma* 
what she said.

You're DH is a perfectly wonderful man, I'm sure because you married him and had a baby with him, but he seems to have some stuff that he needs your help to work on. You wouldn't be asking where to bottle feed your baby, if his maturity and comfort levels were the only concern, would you? Talk gently to him and help him to be your advocate and an advocate for BF being right, natural acceptable and normal. Boobies are not only for men to fondle and oogle!

No, I wouldn't because he's perfectly comfortable with bottles and he'd be thrilled to be able to feed her using a bottle.

I feel a bit at a dead end because I've tried to talk to him and let him know that boobs are not just sex objects, they're natural food for baby and he's protective and wants to keep me and all my parts for him and not let others see them.

If I had concrete numbers or something, this wouldn't be such a battle since he's very into things that can be proven w/o a shadow of a doubt, etc. I tried the "it's normal" tact but was rebuffed w/"it's not normal for everyone. you need to realize that." So I'm rather at my wit's end.


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## spedteacher30 (Nov 20, 2005)

I do tend to remove ourselves from the main activity now that Bigfella is over 2. Part of that is my conscious decision to start gently weaning him. We no longer nurse in the middle of the fun because I want him to make a choice between nursing and having fun with the activity we were engaged in.

We will nurse away from friends/family, but still in public. At a basketball game, for example, we will go into an isolated area of the stadium and nurse there, so I can still see the game, but he is not hanging out with our friends. Or, he and I will go into the area of a restaurant where the payphones are. Or go sit in the stacks of the library--not the middle of the children's room. Yesterday, we were at the book festival, and when he asked for na-na, we went upstairs to the sofas outside an office in the building and nursed there.

Personally, i wouldn't change my nursing habits to make others more comfortable, but if the negative comments were bad enough, I would change my habits to protect myself and my child from all that bad mojo. Covering yourself up won't be enough for those people, since what makes them uncomfortable is nursing itself, not the flash of your breast.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
No, I wouldn't because he's perfectly comfortable with bottles and he'd be thrilled to be able to feed her using a bottle.

I feel a bit at a dead end because I've tried to talk to him and let him know that boobs are not just sex objects, they're natural food for baby and he's protective and wants to keep me and all my parts for him and not let others see them.

If I had concrete numbers or something, this wouldn't be such a battle since he's very into things that can be proven w/o a shadow of a doubt, etc. I tried the "it's normal" tact but was rebuffed w/"it's not normal for everyone. you need to realize that." So I'm rather at my wit's end.

Honestly, I wouldn't even discuss it anymore. He isn't being fair. I'd tell him too bad & feed my baby.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spedteacher30* 
Personally, i wouldn't change my nursing habits to make others more comfortable, but if the negative comments were bad enough, I would change my habits to protect myself and my child from all that bad mojo. Covering yourself up won't be enough for those people, since what makes them uncomfortable is nursing itself, not the flash of your breast.

I'd thought of wearing an oversize sweatshirt over my shirts constantly to somehow reduce accidental boob but wasn't sure if it would work. It's not that I want to change my habits, its more in the line of I'm going to have to if I want to keep this from going any farther than it has.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
Honestly, I wouldn't even discuss it anymore. He isn't being fair. I'd tell him too bad & feed my baby.

I have no intention of stopping feeding my child, just changing where I do it so people won't see. Thus asking where one could do it in public w/o being seen.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.











-Angela


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I have no intention of stopping feeding my child, just changing where I do it so people won't see. Thus asking where one could do it in public w/o being seen.

Why?

I honestly don't understand why you are even entertaining his absurd requests?

Why are you not telling him to get over himself and bugger off?

'Cause if it were my husband making such absurd requests and comments that's the nicest he could expect.

-Angela


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Why?

I honestly don't understand why you are even entertaining his absurd requests?

Why are you not telling him to get over himself and bugger off?

'Cause if it were my husband making such absurd requests and comments that's the nicest he could expect.

-Angela

Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to. And since I'm the offender, I need to find places where I can continue to feed my daughter when we're out in public but not be seen while doing it since what I'm doing is insensitive to others.

I've tried to tell him before to get over himself but he's not budging. We've got a marriage of give and take and so I'm giving since this is not something I'm going to win. I know when I've lost and so I'm trying to lose w/some grace by being proactive about finding places to nurse in private when in a public place.


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

Your husband has some serious control issues. What astounds me most is that in post after to post you're defending them and accepting his totally inappropriate opinion that _you're_ the problem. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. How others feel is not the problem. Your husband has issues. You should feed your child wherever or however you choose. You can do it standing on your head if you want. Doesn't matter. Your baby needs to eat.

And hiding out from others most certainly will decrease the likelihood that she or others around you will choose to nurse their own children.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I have no intention of stopping feeding my child, just changing where I do it so people won't see. Thus asking where one could do it in public w/o being seen.

I guess what I don't understand is why it's important for people not to see. I want people to see, normalizes things. I understand & support moms who are UNcomfortable NIPping, that's valid and fine. But you are being bullied by your DH. Tell him to stuff it. Why isn't he bending over backwards like this to make you comfortable? He could start by telling off anyone who stares or gives you issue...instead he comes down on you? That wouldn never fly with me. People are only trying to encourage you to not give in to his absurdity, that IS what it is.


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to. And since I'm the offender, I need to find places where I can continue to feed my daughter when we're out in public but not be seen while doing it since what I'm doing is insensitive to others.

I've tried to tell him before to get over himself but he's not budging. We've got a marriage of give and take and so I'm giving since this is not something I'm going to win. I know when I've lost and so I'm trying to lose w/some grace by being proactive about finding places to nurse in private when in a public place.

This is ludicrous. This is not a mutual issue. This is his problem. He should solve it. Compromise is not an option.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to.

WHO CARES?! They could be seen as offensive from YOUR viewpoint. And your DH sounds like he needs mental help, sorry.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to. And since I'm the offender, I need to find places where I can continue to feed my daughter when we're out in public but not be seen while doing it since what I'm doing is insensitive to others.

I've tried to tell him before to get over himself but he's not budging. We've got a marriage of give and take and so I'm giving since this is not something I'm going to win. I know when I've lost and so I'm trying to lose w/some grace by being proactive about finding places to nurse in private when in a public place.

No, you don't need to accommodate their requests. What you're doing is NOT insensitive to others. THEY are insensitive to your CHILD'S needs.

There are not many good private places to nurse.

Your child's needs comes before your husband's hang ups.

Stand strong, stand up for your child, stand up for yourself and don't be bullied.

-Angela


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annakiss* 
Your husband has some serious control issues. What astounds me most is that in post after to post you're defending them and accepting his totally inappropriate opinion that _you're_ the problem. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. How others feel is not the problem. Your husband has issues. You should feed your child wherever or however you choose. You can do it standing on your head if you want. Doesn't matter. Your baby needs to eat.

And hiding out from others most certainly will decrease the likelihood that she or others around you will choose to nurse their own children.









:

Don't give in.

-Angela


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## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

Just to offer an answer to your original question, the only other really private space that's probably readily available is the car if you guys drive. The only time I've used this option personally is for my own comfort (e.g. at grocery store, can't nurse a newborn standing up too comfortably, literally nowhere to sit but a hard floor). But you could do it, a car is like your own space.

However I think many of us just cringe when we read statements like your husband's that speak to a mindset that we hope is old fashioned and on its way out in this culture.







You definately are doing an awesome job mothering your dd but I"m sorry you have to confront these kinds of issues and negativity around giving your daughter the food she needs.

Reading over again this part feels really sad:

[QUOTE/]What will I say to her when she asks why I leave the room to nurse her little brother or sister? I'm guessing something along the lines of "Some people are not comfortable with me not using a bottle to feed DC2 so I go to another room so that I'm not being insensitive to their feelings and am being respectful of what they feel." I don't know if that answer would make her averse to nursing her own child one day. I pray not but it's not something that I can control.[/QUOTE]

That made me feel really sad for your dd! Flip it around with words that make it clear that drinking human milk is the norm for a baby human! Rather than buying the starting assumption from your dh and his family that bottle feeding artificial milk is the norm and you are a deviant.

It does sound, though, like there are some cultural differences at work here; maybe your husband's family has been inculturated a certain way, or he was raised that way, and while I disagree I just wanted to recognize that these things can be slow to change. You can let him know you respect his views while not choosing to change your own actions based on them. This happens sometimes in marriage, it doesn't mean you don't love or respect him (or his relatives).

You have a good idea in suggesting your dh might like hard facts - there are some great resources on the "stats" on breastmilk's importance for health, brain growth, reducing asthma etc. Maybe someone else has a link?

Meanwhile realize that cultural perspectives can be slow to shift but think of yourself as being a pioneer in that little subculture - your own daughter,maybe your nieces and nephews or whomever, will learn from your example, so be proud of the gift you give them!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annakiss* 
This is ludicrous. This is not a mutual issue. This is his problem. He should solve it. Compromise is not an option.











This. Really.

You asked a question. Here is input from numerous well-educated women.

-Angela


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
THEY are insensitive to your CHILD'S needs.

Yup.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabutterfly* 
It does sound, though, like there are some cultural differences at work here; maybe your husband's family has been inculturated a certain way, or he was raised that way, and while I disagree I just wanted to recognize that these things can be slow to change. _*You can let him know you respect his views while not choosing to change your own actions based on them.*_ This happens sometimes in marriage, it doesn't mean you don't love or respect him (or his relatives).

This is good advice. There has to be a better way. You don't have to give in just because he won't. You are at a standstill. Sometimes that's okay. It's perfectly fine to agree to disagree. Eventually, I would hope, he would begin to see bfing, even NIPing, as normal.

The other thing is that by giving in to something like this, you are letting him control you and _that_ is a totally negative message to send your dd.


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

Out in public there are rarely private rooms to use except dressing rooms and bathrooms. A few more child oriented places have nursing/feeding/family lounge type rooms that are more private. Our Babies R Us has one and our mall does too (although it isn't even closed in by doors, it's just set aside and has couches and arm chairs and such). At other people's homes, you could try bedrooms or the like. If you're at a small Mom and Pop type restaurant and the only rooms are the dining area, the bathrooms, and the kitchen, well, then those are your only choices. (I personally would not recommend the kitchen or the bathrooms) We can't tell you about magical rooms that you didn't know existed.

I would encourage you to have this fight (or simply refuse to have it) with your DH. Your baby needs to nurse. You are not doing anything wrong at all. You should NEVER feel like you have to nurse in a bathroom. Public bathrooms are absolutely not appropriate places for eating. You don't list your location, but many states have laws that specifically protect a mother's right to nurse her baby in public. This gives the laws by state. I hope that you can come to a peaceful agreement about this that respects your comfort and your baby's needs.


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## cellarstella (Jan 2, 2006)

If someone can't come to _me_ when they have a problem with me, then I just play dumb like I have no idea what the problem is. I just don't feel like they deserve a change in my actions if they can't even show me the respect to bring it up to my face. I'd tell DH that as far as I'm concerned, there isn't a problem, because they haven't brought it up with me. I'll address it on an individual basis when they bring it up with me.

And of course I agree that you shouldn't change your breastfeeding habits if you are comfortable. I've always been comfortable nursing in public because it's just not at all sexual. People may get a flash of nipple for a nanosecond now and then and frankly it's not going to kill them! We've all seen parts of people's bodies we may have not really wanted to see, but we get over it. It's a cultural norm that nipples are covered and so when they are not, it's jarring to a lot of people. They interpret this as offensive, but we all know there is nothing innately offensive about a nipple! Just keep doing what you are doing, and if they can't get over themselves, know that you are the more evolved being of the bunch.


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## nalo (Oct 25, 2005)

DD won't nurse with ANYTHING of ANYONE around her. It's really annoying and inconvenient but we always retreat to the car to nurse because it's the only place I can actually get her to eat.


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## princessgrace (Jan 8, 2008)

I've found that people really don't care as much as you would think. I think your husband is being oversensitive.

Or if they do - who cares? People sit and make judgments about all sorts of stupid things, like your brand of shoes and the car you drive. Most people are more concerned about themselves than others - I really try not to let other people bother me!! Especially about something as important as nursing my baby.

However, that aside - have you tried a Hooter Hider? They are made by Bebe au Lait (I got one as a gift, from Nordstrom I think). My wiggly baby is okay with them where she isn't with a blanket, since the top is opened up so she can see me. I would make your husband buy you one (they have cute prints! a plus in my book hehe) and then tell him to shut up lol.

I agree with the other here to some extent, but you know your husband better than we do. Some people truly are squeamish about these things. I think people are being too harsh. If you can find something like the Hooter Hider that will allow you to nurse her but also make hubby feel better - that's the best solution.


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## princessgrace (Jan 8, 2008)

I've found that people really don't care as much as you would think. I think your husband is being oversensitive.

Or if they do - who cares? People sit and make judgments about all sorts of stupid things, like your brand of shoes and the car you drive. Most people are more concerned about themselves than others - I really try not to let other people bother me!! Especially about something as important as nursing my baby.

However, that aside - have you tried a Hooter Hider? They are made by Bebe au Lait (I got one as a gift, from Nordstrom I think). My wiggly baby is okay with them where she isn't with a blanket, since the top is opened up so she can see me. I would make your husband buy you one (they have cute prints! a plus in my book hehe) and then tell him to shut up lol.

I agree with the other here to some extent, but you know your husband better than we do. Some people truly are squeamish about these things. I think people are being too harsh. If you can find something like the Hooter Hider that will allow you to nurse her but also make hubby feel better - that's the best solution.


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## Turkish Kate (Sep 2, 2006)

I can see you wanting to be a little nicer if you're occasionally tactless and say things like "What a fat @$$, she shouldn't be wearing clothes like that!" But that's a far, *far* different thing from feeding your baby. Really. Not even in the same ballpark.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I would not lower myself to a hooter hider to please anyone else.

-Angela


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

first my advice wrt the actual question posed:

there aren't many private places to nurse in public.

if you're eating at mom n pop type places you can try sitting in a booth and turn into the booth so that you're kind of facing the wall instead of the room at large. the tactic of facing the wall rather than the room at large can work in many situations.

you could also try the hooter hider. and you can go to your car. i used to pump in my car at work b/c that was my alternative to pumping in the bathroom. fitting rooms are an option. in other peoples homes you can use a bedroom.

now:

Wait a minute these people are too uncomfortable to even tell you they are uncomfortable and yet your husband feels you must bend to their wishes. wtf?


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I wish it was so easy for me. *wistful sigh* Sad to say that I'm surrounded by folks who aren't as understanding of my nursing and are apparently offended by it. The thought of just staying home save for essential trips out such as to the grocery is starting to get really tempting just to avoid the argument altogether.

Why do you care? Are they more important than your LO?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
If I had concrete numbers or something, this wouldn't be such a battle since he's very into things that can be proven w/o a shadow of a doubt, etc. I tried the "it's normal" tact but was rebuffed w/"it's not normal for everyone. you need to realize that." So I'm rather at my wit's end.

The answer to this is "So? Who cares?" As for concrete numbers, what rock has he been living under that he doesn't realize breast is best?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
No, you don't need to accommodate their requests. What you're doing is NOT insensitive to others. THEY are insensitive to your CHILD'S needs.

This isn't an issue about your right to nurse. (That's what hubby is doing to distract you) This is an issue about your child's right to EAT. And honestly? I'd telly DH he's being a jerk, and whip it out. It doesn't matter how much breast is shown. YOU ARE FEEDING A CHILD. And if your "Friends and family" aren't uncomfortable enough to talk to you about their problems, than they aren't uncomfortable at all in my book.

TBH if my DP didn't tell family and friends to keep their thoughts to themselves, I would be really hurt and upset with him. He is my partner and it's his job to stand up for me, not spread rumours behind my back!


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
I'm gonna be brutally honest--my tact meter is broken today. Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too. 

Absolutley!


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## mama_at_home (Apr 27, 2004)

Well I guess I will be one to disagree. I have been nursing for almost 5 years straight, I nursed my oldest in public til he was 3, nursed my twins in public, etc. But I totally get not wanting to make people uncomfortable. Are you usually in other people's homes or restaurants or what? If you are in someone's home and need to nurse discreetly, you can try sitting on the couch with your knees pulled up. It kind of supports the baby and your knees block the view. You can also drape the blanket over your knees instead of the baby or put a big couch cushion up. I've done that sometimes. Or just flat out ask "do you have a room where I can go nurse?" At the mall you can find a family lounge areas with couches to nurse. Restaurants are tricky if the people you are with are uncomfortable. I will normally request a booth and sit on the farside with dh on the aisle side to give us some privacy. Sometimes, though, there is just nothing you can do about it. I have asked people before "do you mind if I nurse?" and no one has ever said no. If they did say no I would have had to say "well, I need to nurse the baby, sorry."







Anyway, I'm sorry you are in this position. Maybe the more you nurse around your friends and family, the more they will get used to it. My stepdad and granddad always get uncomfortable when I nurse so they just quietly get up and leave the room until I'm done.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I'm one that really struggles with NIP. I don't like to show my skin to anyone, even if I am feeding my baby. So, I was set to answer your question from that frame of reference.

BUT...then I read all the comments you made about your dh. I think that he's a little far reaching. If I was you, I might offer to cover myself/baby, but as far as removing myself from the situation EVERY time to NIP, I don't think I'd go that far. This isn't about you or your baby being uncomfortable. This is about your dh being uncomfortable. Do what you can to help him out, but he needs to grow up, too.


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## stellimamo (Jan 9, 2006)

Your child's right to eat is much more important that your friends and family's delicate sensabilities.

The issue here is them. They are obviously overlooking the biological function of the breast and assigning sexual feelings to breastfeeding if they are that uncomfortable with you nursing. Sounds like they need to get to the root of what s making them uncomfortable.

Aere they uncomforatable with the fact they might see some skin or they uncomforable with the knowledge you are nursing in their presence?

If you are comfortable and your baby is comfortable there is no reason to search out a place that makes others more comfortable.


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## Inspired007 (Aug 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
No, you don't need to accommodate their requests. What you're doing is NOT insensitive to others. THEY are insensitive to your CHILD'S needs.

There are not many good private places to nurse.

Your child's needs comes before your husband's hang ups.

Stand strong, stand up for your child, stand up for yourself and don't be bullied.

-Angela

I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment. It took my dh a while to come to terms with my NIP but he got over it b/c he realized he had to...I was gonna do it regardless. IMO the husband has to defer to the wife in most cases regarding the baby b/c she is blessed with the motherly intuition and not the reverse.

I try to be discreet while nursing but sometimes people notice and if they do then it's their choice whether to be offended or not. I didn't do it, they did.

Also, I fully understand your dh's feelings about nursing. Our society looks at breasts as a sexual object. We would do better as a society if we normalized nursing more. Nursing has become characterized as something lewd and it isn't.

I honestly had a few issues myself with the way that it felt early on. It was difficult for me to switch my mind to the sensation of nursing not being sexual. Now, dh can't touch my breasts at all b/c I can't go back and forth. Either the feeling is sexual or it isn't. I choose for the feeling to not be sexual. For me it was a struggle. I don't really know why but it was what it was.

By the way, we're both strong lactivists now. Your dh should change for you and NOT the other way around.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabutterfly* 
It does sound, though, like there are some cultural differences at work here; maybe your husband's family has been inculturated a certain way, or he was raised that way, and while I disagree I just wanted to recognize that these things can be slow to change. You can let him know you respect his views while not choosing to change your own actions based on them. This happens sometimes in marriage, it doesn't mean you don't love or respect him (or his relatives).

There's a bit of a cultural difference between myself and his family and friends as they're bottle feeders and I'm not as well as them being a bit religious as well so I'm stepping around a lot of issues that I can't change since they're other folks issues. What I can change, however, is how I act and what I do around them. Since they're not comfy w/me nursing in front of them, I am trying to find where I can nurse and than rejoin the folks around me.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabutterfly* 
You have a good idea in suggesting your dh might like hard facts - there are some great resources on the "stats" on breastmilk's importance for health, brain growth, reducing asthma etc. Maybe someone else has a link?

Meanwhile realize that cultural perspectives can be slow to shift but think of yourself as being a pioneer in that little subculture - your own daughter,maybe your nieces and nephews or whomever, will learn from your example, so be proud of the gift you give them!









He's well aware of the benefits of bfing, he's all for me doing it but with more discretion than I've apparently shown and his mind's still blown that I've decided to nurse our DD until she's 2. (The original plan was until she was 1 and than wean. The amt. of reading I've done here on MDC and my own research has shown me that it'd be a good idea to give her that extra year.) It's just my nursing in front of others that he's got a problem with.

I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gemelos* 
Well I guess I will be one to disagree. I have been nursing for almost 5 years straight, I nursed my oldest in public til he was 3, nursed my twins in public, etc. But I totally get not wanting to make people uncomfortable. Are you usually in other people's homes or restaurants or what? If you are in someone's home and need to nurse discreetly, you can try sitting on the couch with your knees pulled up. It kind of supports the baby and your knees block the view. You can also drape the blanket over your knees instead of the baby or put a big couch cushion up. I've done that sometimes. Or just flat out ask "do you have a room where I can go nurse?" At the mall you can find a family lounge areas with couches to nurse. Restaurants are tricky if the people you are with are uncomfortable. I will normally request a booth and sit on the farside with dh on the aisle side to give us some privacy. Sometimes, though, there is just nothing you can do about it. I have asked people before "do you mind if I nurse?" and no one has ever said no. If they did say no I would have had to say "well, I need to nurse the baby, sorry."







Anyway, I'm sorry you are in this position. Maybe the more you nurse around your friends and family, the more they will get used to it. My stepdad and granddad always get uncomfortable when I nurse so they just quietly get up and leave the room until I'm done.

Normally, I'm in other people's homes or my relatives are visiting, thus DH saying "You realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs?!"

Thanks for the tips on body positioning. Usually I sort of lean back on what ever I'm sitting (the butt eating couch 9 times out of 10) and use the cradle hold w/her. Now that she's older, I'll try the blanket again or step into another room.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *princessgrace* 
I've found that people really don't care as much as you would think. I think your husband is being oversensitive.

Or if they do - who cares? People sit and make judgments about all sorts of stupid things, like your brand of shoes and the car you drive. Most people are more concerned about themselves than others - I really try not to let other people bother me!! Especially about something as important as nursing my baby.

However, that aside - have you tried a Hooter Hider? They are made by Bebe au Lait (I got one as a gift, from Nordstrom I think). My wiggly baby is okay with them where she isn't with a blanket, since the top is opened up so she can see me. I would make your husband buy you one (they have cute prints! a plus in my book hehe) and then tell him to shut up lol.

I agree with the other here to some extent, but you know your husband better than we do. Some people truly are squeamish about these things. I think people are being too harsh. If you can find something like the Hooter Hider that will allow you to nurse her but also make hubby feel better - that's the best solution.

I'll look at them. Maybe they have a nice in black. (Prints scare me. I'm horrible at matching them. The only thing I have w/a print is my Mei Tai.)

He's not trying to pick on me or be mean, just make me more aware of how people feel and how my actions affect them since I can be rather oblivious.


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.

You're not affecting their health. _They_ are affecting the health of your child. eta - And actually it's not even them it's your husband who is amazingly amzaing, astoundingly insensitive. Who cares if people see your breasts doing what they are intended for?


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stellimamo* 
Your child's right to eat is much more important that your friends and family's delicate sensabilities.

The issue here is them. They are obviously overlooking the biological function of the breast and assigning sexual feelings to breastfeeding if they are that uncomfortable with you nursing. Sounds like they need to get to the root of what's making them uncomfortable.

Are they uncomfortable with the fact they might see some skin or they uncomfortable with the knowledge you are nursing in their presence?

If you are comfortable and your baby is comfortable there is no reason to search out a place that makes others more comfortable.

As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.

So instead of trying to fight it, I was just curious where one could nurse w/o being seen before rejoining friends and family.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 

I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.

And this right here is the problem. Smoking imposes on other people. Breastfeeding does not.

Please be a good example for your children and don't be bullied by these people. Breastfeeding is normal and does not need to be hidden.

THEY are the ones with a problem. Let THEM find somewhere else to be.

-Angela


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
Normally, I'm in other people's homes or my relatives are visiting, thus DH saying "You realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs?!"

So what?

Honestly, so what?

Do you realize that every member of his family has seen your ELBOWS! Yes, your elbows! Isn't that just NASTY?










-Angela


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
He's not trying to pick on me or be mean, just make me more aware of how people feel and how my actions affect them since I can be rather oblivious.

Yes, he is trying to pick on you and be mean and control you. That is not acceptable.

What matters here is that your child needs to nurse. If others have problems it's from THEIR baggage.

Nursing where people can see is normal and natural. Anyone who doesn't want to see it can go somewhere private until you're done.

-Angela


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.

So instead of trying to fight it, I was just curious where one could nurse w/o being seen before rejoining friends and family.

So what? There is no problem here except other people and their hang-ups.

There is no reason to segregate yourself to nurse. It sends the wrong message.

-Angela


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## dcgrl (Jun 13, 2007)

This sounds more like your husband's issue--he wants to control your body and who gets to see it, thus him saying "You realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs". So what? they're boobs! fleshy, self-filling, sanitary milk bottles! do these people avert their eyes when they pass cows in the field, or throw a blanket over a mama cat nursing her kittens? If they're religious, maybe you need to print out and laminate a painting of the Virgin Mary nursing Jesus--if it was good enough for them, it should be good enough for you. here you go: http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strol...TION032708.jpg

seriously, I want to be gentle, but this makes me so upset!

anyway, an actual answer to your question... when we're out and I want shelter or privacy, I nurse in the car. I do this frequently if we're out running errands and he gets hungry--I drive to a convenient parking lot and nurse him...


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## stellimamo (Jan 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.

So instead of trying to fight it, I was just curious where one could nurse w/o being seen before rejoining friends and family.

Why should you have to go to another room when they could just avert their gaze? I think it would be a lot easier for everyone if they just didn't look at your breast . I feel so sad that the natural way of feeding a baby it a "hidable" offense.


----------



## Inspired007 (Aug 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 

I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.

I really hope that you see this as very different from being asked to leave the room if you were smoking. Smoking truly does infringe upon the rights of people nearby. You are releasing toxins in the air that people have to breathe. When you NIP, you are feeding your baby and your baby has a right to eat whenever and wherever it needs nutrition. What if you are on a plane and your baby is hungry? It is your divine right to be able to nurse your baby and have the freedom to do so.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Honestly? It sounds like they all must be just STARING at you, WAITING for a flash of skin. They sound like perverts when your DH talks about it!

DD has always been very easily distractible, and my ILs are bottle feeders. I usually go to the den, and sometimes close the door, to nurse DD. But that is for HER, not for them.

You said they are religious? What do they think Jesus ate?


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.

As others have stated, breastfeeding is different than smoking in that it does not harm the health of the people around you.

Think of it this way - what if your husband came from a family of extreme lactivists and you were bottle feeding for some reason? Then, what if your husband told you that the sight of your baby drinking a bottle was offensive to them? Would it seem reasonable to not feed your baby around them?


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Well, I'd have to say that I think your husband believes your breasts belong to him and he is the only one with the rights to them. HOWEVER, they in fact belong to YOU and your dd is using them for nutrition.

If you decide that it is just easier to leave the room than to fight, then I would suggest saying something like this (when at someone else's home) "Oh, the baby needs to eat. I don't want to offend anyone, so may I use your bedroom to feed her?"

I'll bet money that people will either say "That doesn't offend me, do it whereever you want (proof its DH's problem)" or they'll let you use their bedroom.

In more public places, you can suggest more nursing friendly resturants and shopping places, places that have another room to go into to nurse if there are any in your town.

You can go out without DH and what he doesn't know won't hurt him!!!!!!


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Oh and have you ever been to the beach in the summer. So many male nipples!!!! It's sooooooo offensive, why can't they just put on shirts........


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

I can't read this anymore and not post.

I'm sorry but your husband has an issue and he just needs to get over it. There is no way you should have to go to a "private" place to nurse for him. Just do it! Nurse where you need to. The only reason to go somewhere to nurse is if YOU want to or your child needs you to. Does this cause major friction in your marriage? I can understand if you were fighting non stop about this issue trying to work something out like a hooter hider but please please please know that your husband is trying to control you because he views your breast as a sexual object.

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this before but have you tried to talk with these relatives that are supposedly offended by your nursing? Have you talked to them directly without DH around? If not, I would. Mention that your DH said they were uncomfortable with your nursing in front of them and try to find out what the issue is. Maybe tell them you will do your best to nurse discreetly but in the end, you child needs to eat and this is the natural way of feeding you child. If they are getting really bothered and threatening you, tell them you are sorry they feel uncomfortable but this is not your problem and if you can't come to an understanding then you will not be coming to their house. Who knows&#8230;maybe once you bring it up, they won't really have a problem and your DH was exaggerating because he is really the one with a problem!

I'm sorry you are in this situation. My DH looked like he would rather be dead then seen with me NIP when we first had DS. I think he has gotten over it but we have compromised on one thing&#8230;.I don't walk and nurse in public at the same time without a sling. For some reason, DH just can't get over that and I'm fine with it anyway. I have my sling 99% of the time and if I don't, then we sit at a bench. I understand how comments from others can be offensive and make you want to hide but you need to stand up for yourself mama!

To the PP who said about Jesus eating...I used that one once and they told me that of course Jesus was breastfed but do you really think Mary was flashing her boobs all around? No. she only nursed with other woman around or in the privacy of her home (this was someone at church). Yeah...I was shocked when I heard that but for some people the Jesus argument doesn't work.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
So what?

Honestly, so what?

Do you realize that every member of his family has seen your ELBOWS! Yes, your elbows! Isn't that just NASTY?










-Angela

Only if I put my elbows down in the dog poo when I laid on the grass. 

(Seriously though, it made me LOL You do have a point. After my home visitor leaves, I'll ask him more about it and try to suss out which folks are actually offended and confront them directly.)


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
Only if I put my elbows down in the dog poo when I laid on the grass. 

(Seriously though, it made me LOL You do have a point. After my home visitor leaves, I'll ask him more about it and try to suss out which folks are actually offended and confront them directly.)


















There was a time and place (and still exists in some cultures) that elbows were seen as far too sexy to be seen naked.

Breasts are functional. Anyone seeing them while you nurse is seeing them function. *IF* this "they" has a problem with it, then "they" need to get over their problem.

It is their problem. Not yours.

If they're deeply offended by a flash of functional mammary gland then feel free to invite them to leave the room before you nurse.

-Angela


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
Honestly? It sounds like they all must be just STARING at you, WAITING for a flash of skin. They sound like perverts when your DH talks about it!

Seriously!!


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to. And since I'm the offender. . .

We've got a marriage of give and take and so I'm giving since this is not something I'm going to win.

You are not the offender. You are not doing something offensive. They are choosing to be offend by something normal and natural and they truly don't care about your comfort, or they'd shut their mouths.

And give and take, what does he have to give up? What's it cost him to say, this is our choice and our lifestyle. Of course if he isn't supportive. . .

IMO, it's sneaky of them to talk to DH, and he's got gall to not stick up for you. Who's his wife anyway? Who's he sleep with, live with, who's more important? He should be supporting his wife, not a bunch of people who stick their noses where they don't belong. If my DH didn't stick up for me, I'd be seriously questioning his value of me as his wife.(not sure how to express that, value isn't the word I'm looking for).

There are not generally alot of easy places in public. I like to sit in the nice big armchairs at Barnes and Noble.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cellarstella* 
If someone can't come to _me_ when they have a problem with me, then I just play dumb like I have no idea what the problem is. I just don't feel like they deserve a change in my actions if they can't even show me the respect to bring it up to my face.

ITA they are being disresepctful and not honest. I mean, I suppose I might not too much, if they said "Here is a nice bedroom with a comfortable chair, feel free to use it, if you want. . ."

Because my DD is distractible, I did go to a back bedroom this weekend, but I wouldn't if she would nurse at all, which she did when we were in the middle of the potluck and my two BILs were directly across from me.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
so I'm stepping around a lot of issues that I can't change since they're other folks issues. What I can change, however, is how I act and what I do around them. Since they're not comfy w/me nursing in front of them, I am trying to find where I can nurse and than rejoin the folks around me.

You've got it right, it is their issue, it's not your responsibility.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
He's not trying to pick on me or be mean, just make me more aware of how people feel and how my actions affect them since I can be rather oblivious.

He's definitely not standing up for you and running interference. He's passing the buck and making your responsible for their issues.
If someone comes to a family gathering wearing an immodest top, midriff showing, cleavage, does anyone complain about modesty? No way!!! The issue is not about modesty. It's about our culture being weird and sexuallizing everything. As much as I can figure out.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annakiss* 
You're not affecting their health. _They_ are affecting the health of your child. eta - And actually it's not even them it's your husband who is amazingly amzaing, astoundingly insensitive. Who cares if people see your breasts doing what they are intended for?


Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.

If they can see the flash of flesh, they are staring. Bug off.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Inspired007* 
I really hope that you see this as very different from being asked to leave the room if you were smoking. Smoking truly does infringe upon the rights of people nearby. You are releasing toxins in the air that people have to breathe. When you NIP, you are feeding your baby and your baby has a right to eat whenever and wherever it needs nutrition. What if you are on a plane and your baby is hungry? It is your divine right to be able to nurse your baby and have the freedom to do so.

I totally agree!!! Whatever you believe, we are made to nurse. Anything else is unnatural, altho' sometimes necessary.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tbone_kneegrabber* 
Oh and have you ever been to the beach in the summer. So many male nipples!!!! It's sooooooo offensive, why can't they just put on shirts........











Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
There was a time and place (and still exists in some cultures) that elbows were seen as far too sexy to be seen naked.

And ankles!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
It is their problem. Not yours.

Yeah That!


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## akilamonique (Jun 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
Long story short, I need to know some decent spots where I can go nurse DD since apparently I'm not discrete enough (according to DH) even though I keep my shirt pulled down and her head covers the rest. Yes, DD is at a point where she likes to pop off for a minute or so leaving my boob exposed. So when you're out in public (or @ someone's house for that matter.), where do you go to nurse so that you can do it w/o folks seein' the boobs?

Get a hooter hider


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## jenjenl18 (Jul 6, 2007)

I'm not sure that your DH is trying to be controlling here. It may be likely that hes embarrassed about what other people think of you breastfeeding in public or in general. Unfortunately BFing is not the cultural norm in US society. My DH was kind of weird about it after one of our male friends came over and was completely weird about it (at our house I was BFing DS in a leather chair situated in front of him and facing the same direction so there was no way he'd see me even but he left the room). I discussed with DH why he thought our friend was weird about it and the next time he was over and I had to nurse I brought up the topic of why it bothered him. He had no real reason and I told him I could care less if he saw boob and I know hes not trying to sneak a peak or anything. I think this helped DH. I also think it helps for them to hear +comments from ppl when NIP.
Hang in there mama


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenjenl18* 
I'm not sure that your DH is trying to be controlling here.

He told her _she_ was being insensitive. *Repeatedly!*


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## Luvourlives (Apr 28, 2007)

No offense, but people who are offended by NIP are probably going to be grossed out that you would go to another room in thier house to do it anyways. I don't think it is the showing of skin that offends but that sick idea that the act is sexual. I probably wouldn't go to thier house even if they did think I hated them or I would go but explain that we couldn't stay more than an hour or so because you didn't want to offend anyone by nursing.

Really people who get offended by nusring just irk me!


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## mamaluvs (Nov 9, 2007)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know this has been mentioned before but try the hooter hider. I love mine! I'm a bit of a prude (for myself, not anyone else) so it makes me more comfortable in public and mixed company. DD doesn't mind it because she can see me. In fact, we sort have a special version of peek a boo. I think DD feels like it is our own private little world when we use the hooter hider. You probably could make one on your own easily if you didn't want to spend so much money on so little fabric.

I know I am only seeing a small snapshot of your husband and your marriage but from what you write, he does sound controlling. I hope this is truly a healthy relationship for you.

Good luck.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaluvs* 
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know this has been mentioned before but try the hooter hider. I love mine! I'm a bit of a prude (for myself, not anyone else) so it makes me more comfortable in public and mixed company. DD doesn't mind it because she can see me. In fact, we sort have a special version of peek a boo. I think DD feels like it is our own private little world when we use the hooter hider. You probably could make one on your own easily if you didn't want to spend so much money on so little fabric.

I know I am only seeing a small snapshot of your husband and your marriage but from what you write, he does sound controlling. I hope this is truly a healthy relationship for you.

Good luck.

This is just a small bit. He's a loving father and husband. Due to some things that happened earlier in our relationship that are my fault, he's a bit uptight about my body.

After some deep thought, I'm debating just NIP as per normal. I've already done as I wish to feed her for 6m, what's another 6m at least, if not a year and a half.

You ladies have all given me some food for thought that I'm chewing over and mulling. Ty


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## tylerdylan (Aug 29, 2007)

I am a big introvert and don't feel comfortable nursing in public unless I'm covered up. I just use a big receiving blanket (DS's swaddles actually) and try to find a quiet spot with few people around. I am getting better with DS2 then I was with DS1. I am most uncomfortable around people I know and always find an empty room and close the door. No one is offended that I leave nor would they care if I stayed, but for me I am more comfortable. DH could care less either way so I am lucky.


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## lesmac (Dec 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
I just got a Mei Tai in the mail today which I adore but am not sure how to nurse in.

Thus wondering where to go, besides bathrooms, of course.


Use it as a cover up if you c/n wrestle your breast into the baby's mouth while s/he is riding in it.

For us, I always felt like a draped receiving blanket, etc., was the same as wearing a neon sign that said "I'M NURSING A BABY OVER HERE!" While the colorful cover-ups they have now (Hooter Hiders?) are prettier than those things Target sells that look like lead aprons, I still think that they are less discreet than just sitting, cuddling/nursing a baby.

Just my opinion.

PLEASE, never in a bathroom...would you eat lunch sitting on a public toilet??


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lesmac* 
Use it as a cover up if you c/n wrestle your breast into the baby's mouth while s/he is riding in it.

For us, I always felt like a draped receiving blanket, etc., was the same as wearing a neon sign that said "I'M NURSING A BABY OVER HERE!" While the colorful cover-ups they have now (Hooter Hiders?) are prettier than those things Target sells that look like lead aprons, I still think that they are less discreet than just sitting, cuddling/nursing a baby.

Just my opinion.

PLEASE, never in a bathroom...would you eat lunch sitting on a public toilet??

Not one of my prouder moments, but yes I have when I was working and only had like a 15 min. lunch break and I had to use the bathroom and was starving. I'd snag my lunch start towards the bathrooms eating, finish while I was on the toilet and back to my station to clock back on.


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## lesmac (Dec 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
You said they are religious? What do they think Jesus ate?

My husband used this line on Christmas Eve a couple of years ago; our mothers would have had fits if they heard him.

And I agree, I doubt that anyone is truly staring at you, hoping you flash them.

But to answer the original question, and I'm not sure whether it's available to you or not, but Nordstrom has a FANTASTIC ladies lounge. Both in VA & MI, this is a mecca for nursing moms.


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## SophieAnn (Jun 26, 2007)

Here is (I think) a much prettier option than a hooter hider, if you decide you are looking for a cover.

http://www.lovedbaby.com/nursingshawls.html


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

Armchair psychology moment:

I'm thinking that since this is a fairly new issue, that it's somehow connected to his discomfort of your decision to nurse DD until her 2nd birthday. I wonder if he's working through his issues indirectly by taking what were perhaps innocuous comments and hearing them much larger in his head...that his own issues have magnified the discomfort that other people feel and that it's his awkward way of trying to navigate his complex emotions about extending breastfeeding.

Just a random thought.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
This is just a small bit. He's a loving father and husband. Due to some things that happened earlier in our relationship that are my fault, he's a bit uptight about my body.


It sounds like you and your husband need to come to terms with what happened in the past, and leaving it there. Your body belongs to you and you only - he doesn't get to make decisions about it, especially ones that seem based in jealousy and petty revenge that affects not only you, but your daughter. I know he's your husband and you love him, but he needs to leave the past in the past.


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## akilamonique (Jun 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SophieAnn* 
Here is (I think) a much prettier option than a hooter hider, if you decide you are looking for a cover.

http://www.lovedbaby.com/nursingshawls.html

OH, those are nice too, if you like something more reserve, or if your baby doesn't overheat easy.
I liked the funky prints on the hooter hiders and it allowed for more circulation for my sweaty boy!


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## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
I'm gonna be brutally honest--my tact meter is broken today. Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too.


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KurumiSophia* 
It's what I keep telling him but he says it's "insensitive" and that I need to learn to filter my actions and words more because I have been offensive in how I bf because other people aren't as comfortable w/it as I am.

So thus wondering where the good spots are to go bf her before rejoining the world at large.

So....it's insensitive for you to feed your baby, but it's perfectly normal and acceptable for everyone in the room to gawk at your breasts?







:


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## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

No offense, but finding a place to be discreet is just plain common sense.
In someone's place, ask for a room.
In public, look for a quiet area away from the fray- a bench, a nursing room, a changing room, etc. Never a bathroom, I might add.
Barring that, there are nursing shawls.
The thing is, if YOU are comfortable doing it the way you have been, then do it that way.
ITA with other pps who say that you should talk to the people who are supposedly so offended. I bet you they are not nearly as offended as your DH makes them out to be. It's obviously his problem.
He needs to get over it.
YOUR breasts are meant to feed YOUR child. Period.
Your child comes first and if others are that uncomfortable around you when bfing, then maybe you need to not be around them until your DD is weaned.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WilliamsMama* 
No offense, but finding a place to be discreet is just plain common sense.
In someone's place, ask for a room.
In public, look for a quiet area away from the fray- a bench, a nursing room, a changing room, etc. Never a bathroom, I might add.
Barring that, there are nursing shawls.

Are you kidding me? No it is not common sense. It is common sense to treat NIP as normal and nothing to be "discreet" about or to hide.


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## acannon (Nov 21, 2007)

:


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
Are you kidding me? No it is not common sense. It is common sense to treat NIP as normal and nothing to be "discreet" about or to hide.

I think she meant how to go about it if it's what mom wants to do...









I was taken aback for a moment too.

-Angela


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## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
Are you kidding me? No it is not common sense. It is common sense to treat NIP as normal and nothing to be "discreet" about or to hide.

Uh- excuse me, but before you get excited and in a tizzy, read carefully.
You obviously didn't understand what I meant. I said that FINDING a place was common sense. IF she wants to be discreet, then it's easy enough to do it.
I never said that it was common sense to be discreet.
I NIP however and wherever I want. I don't use covers and I don't hide.
I was answering her ORIGINAL question.
Calm down.


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## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I think she meant how to go about it if it's what mom wants to do...









I was taken aback for a moment too.

-Angela

That's exactly what I meant.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WilliamsMama* 
Uh- excuse me, but before you get excited and in a tizzy, read carefully.
You obviously didn't understand what I meant. I said that FINDING a place was common sense. IF she wants to be discreet, then it's easy enough to do it.
I never said that it was common sense to be discreet.
I NIP however and wherever I want. I don't use covers and I don't hide.
I was answering her ORIGINAL question.
Calm down.

I apologize, but it can read both ways. I'm not excited or in a tizzy, fwiw.


----------



## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
I apologize, but it can read both ways. I'm not excited or in a tizzy, fwiw.

Fair enough.


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## HappyMommy2 (Jan 27, 2007)

Can we get over the fact that her DH is totally wrong, and just share places to NIP discretely? I think it is a worthy question, and am curious about your ideas and experiences so I can copy!


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HappyMommy2* 
Can we get over the fact that her DH is totally wrong, and just share places to NIP discretely? I think it is a worthy question, and am curious about your ideas and experiences so I can copy!

Nope









I don't believe in NIP discretely... it's against my religion...









-Angela


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## prancie (Apr 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Neth Naneth* 
I agree with teh pp you are doing an awesome job, don't start. My advice is this when you have a baby is pops off a lot try nursing with your hand relaxed at the top of your shirt so the mili-second your DC pops off you can pull your top over your boob. That is what I do. Good luck.

I do this exact thing and I nurse in front of EVERYONE. It is a discreet technique. Us BFing moms should not perpetuate the myth that women need to go hide to bf. Unless, of course, our babys won't nurse unless we do







. Mine gets to distractable unless he's really hungry.

I do, however, nurse in my car a lot, not to hide, but because I have a place to sit and can listen to the radio.


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## prancie (Apr 18, 2007)

The only "discreet" places i have ever found are dressing rooms and my own car.

I think that you might have a problem getting the ladies on this board to really answer your question because most of us find the idea of hiding that we are nursing deplorable. We are all a bunch of rebels anyways. We will thumb our noses at anyone over it....family included.

Maybe just give your DH time to get used to it, and if you have to, talk directly to the complainers as your DH may be tired of being the constant go-between.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Nope









I don't believe in NIP discretely... it's against my religion...









-Angela

Well...who ever thought we'd have religion in common?







Against mine too...


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
Well...who ever thought we'd have religion in common?







Against mine too...


























:

-Angela


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

I have a couple thoughts on this.

1) It really sounds like you need to talk to both your DH and your family/friends to find out what the real issue is. Why are they uncomfortable? Would it be ok if you covered up, or do they want you out of the room?

2) If you are around people that are uncomfortable, just announce that you are going to nurse. If they are uncomfortable, THEY should be the ones who leave - they can go to another room, take a quick walk around the restaurant, visit the bathroom. And you can sit right where you are and nurse. Tell them ahead of time that that is the plan - "From now on I'm just going to give you a little warning before I nurse, kay? And if you want, you can use that time to escape." or however you want to say it.

3) If it's the specific people you want not to see you in public, vs. just the general public, just leave their general vicinity if you want to leave. So say you are in Barnes and Noble for example - just head to another area of chairs. Or go to an empty booth nearby if you are in a restaurant.

4) As far as other discrete ideas, there aren't a lot of other options. Learn to nurse in your mei tai and wear a sweater OVER the mei tai. That almost completely covers you up. (ETA I mean a button-up sweater, unbuttoned but using the side to shield you. Not a pull-over sweater.) Nurse in your car. That's all I can offer.

Good luck and







I hope you figure this out soon - it sounds like it's stressing you out!


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## peekaboom (Dec 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
I'm gonna be brutally honest--my tact meter is broken today. Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too. 

amen. and btw, i have nursed in public a TON and used the nursing tank ( www.bravadodesigns.com) under a front opening shirt ( hoodie, jacket, sweater) combo...and the ONLY bit of skin that shows at all is when babe was latching on. if that is "unacceptable", you could turn your back til babe has latched and then turn back around.

i seriously don't think this is your problem. if it were me, i'd be telling dh where to go if it EVER got to that. but it never would. thank god...

i hope you come to a decision that suits you, but in my opinion, it's not you that has to change what you are doing.








peekaboom


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarefootScientist* 
I have a couple thoughts on this.

1) It really sounds like you need to talk to both your DH and your family/friends to find out what the real issue is. Why are they uncomfortable? Would it be ok if you covered up, or do they want you out of the room?

Apparently I'm supposed to leave the room or if we're in public, go to a bathroom or a fitting room.







: Somehow I'm less than discrete to them and so even though I do my best to cover my breast while she's nursing, sometimes it just isn't possible to to her moving my shirt around so the alternitive is that I leave.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarefootScientist* 
2) If you are around people that are uncomfortable, just announce that you are going to nurse. If they are uncomfortable, THEY should be the ones who leave - they can go to another room, take a quick walk around the restaurant, visit the bathroom. And you can sit right where you are and nurse. Tell them ahead of time that that is the plan - "From now on I'm just going to give you a little warning before I nurse, kay? And if you want, you can use that time to escape." or however you want to say it.

The problem is I found its his WHOLE FAMILY that is offended. Instead of coming to me, they were going to his mother, his mother was going to talk to me, and DH intercepted, saying he would take care of it.









We had a HUGE fight over it last night and he popped off with "Well, just use a bottle!" He doesn't seem to realize that by doing that, it's a whole lot more work and nipple confusion can result. We've dodged the bullet so far but that doesn't mean it can't happen to us. I'm so livid at him right now that I could just scream.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarefootScientist* 
3) If it's the specific people you want not to see you in public, vs. just the general public, just leave their general vicinity if you want to leave. So say you are in Barnes and Noble for example - just head to another area of chairs. Or go to an empty booth nearby if you are in a restaurant.

I don't want to leave but I'm being made to. I don't have a lot of choices and none of them are really attractive.

A.) I can NIP as I have been doing and say bedamned to their feelings causing large amts of stress in the family
B.) I can just start leaving the room and going to bathrooms, etc. for her to eat, risking a screaming baby.
C.) I can try a cover but she's not normally thrilled with something covering her head or face. (I can't even get her to wear a hat when its cold.)
D.) I can just stop going out save for the absolute most needed trips until she weans.

I'm in a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarefootScientist* 
4) As far as other discrete ideas, there aren't a lot of other options. Learn to nurse in your mei tai and wear a sweater OVER the mei tai. That almost completely covers you up. (ETA I mean a button-up sweater, unbuttoned but using the side to shield you. Not a pull-over sweater.) Nurse in your car. That's all I can offer.

Good luck and







I hope you figure this out soon - it sounds like it's stressing you out!

I'm trying to learn to nurse in the mei tai but it's not as easy as I thought it would be. We don't have a car or I'd do that.










What's worse is I went to get some support from my own blood family and they won't even take my side. I never thought my feeding choice would leave me feeling this alone.


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## avalanchelynn (Jun 8, 2007)

i head for the toilet or changing rooms or just nurse in the car







dd is at the age of being super curious and so easily distracted too and latches off at the drop of a pin, so i find i need to nurse in a quiet place, without too many people around...


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## k9sarchik (Nov 11, 2006)

Kurumi~ Have a party and invite everyone whose uncomfortable with BFing including all your BFing friends and all the babies! It'll be a nurse in party! Maybe they'll see more boobs then they've seen in years and get over it all ready.

Wow, I'm sorry you are going through this with such close minded ignorant, prudish people. I wouldn't do a damn thing to make them all feel more comfortable.


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## joshs_girl (Dec 8, 2006)

I have to say, I'm a very petty person at times, and if something like this happened, I'd be inclined to say







and just stay at home, not let them see the baby, and only go out in public by myself.

But like I said, I'm pretty petty.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Just keep nursing. Any issues with it are NOT your problem. If it's causing "stress" that is the problem of the stressed party.

-Angela


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## mamakay (Apr 8, 2005)

Quote:

A.) I can NIP as I have been doing and say bedamned to their feelings causing large amts of stress in the family
They'll get over it eventually.

I'd plan some kind of speech about "Do you know how many women quit nursing because they feel like they can't leave the house because they're afraid people might see them nursing? Yeah! It's true! And there are even laws specifically in place to protect women's rights to nurse in public! What sort of weirdo gets offended at the sight of a baby eating? I mean, it's a baby eating!"...and launch it as soon as you start nursing around them.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *k9sarchik* 
Kurumi~ Have a party and invite everyone whose uncomfortable with BFing including all your BFing friends and all the babies! It'll be a nurse in party! Maybe they'll see more boobs then they've seen in years and get over it all ready.

Wow, I'm sorry you are going through this with such close minded ignorant, prudish people. I wouldn't do a damn thing to make them all feel more comfortable.

It sounds like a great idea but I'm the first (and probably only) person to have a baby in my circle of friends, let alone bf.

My mother bought me 2 nursing covers in an attempt to help me compromise w/my DH. It's so very stressful. This on top of DD having her first cold. It makes me want to scream.


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## KurumiSophia (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamakay* 
They'll get over it eventually.

I'd plan some kind of speech about "Do you know how many women quit nursing because they feel like they can't leave the house because they're afraid people might see them nursing? Yeah! It's true! And there are even laws specifically in place to protect women's rights to nurse in public! What sort of weirdo gets offended at the sight of a baby eating? I mean, it's a baby eating!"...and launch it as soon as you start nursing around them.

It's awful tempting, esp. at something like his big sis' annual barbecue get together where it'd be impossible not to be heard. (I can project like no tomorrow so my voice will CARRY)


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## k9sarchik (Nov 11, 2006)

Get onto your MDC Tribal forums and you will be able to find some other mamas like yourself. Also look for support groups like Le Leche League meetings and /or Holistic Moms Network.
You'll find the women who can help you through this.


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