# This is how I am doing it



## MamaNikh (May 18, 2007)

Night weaning that is.

After 8 and a half months of waking up countless times through the night, I finally snapped about 4 days ago and decided to go ahead and nightwean and boy am I glad I made the decision. Last night was only the 3rd night and what an improvement.

This is how I am doing it.:
First: A little about my baby boy. He is my first child He is 8.5months old. He has been crawling since he was 7 months old. Currently he cruises on furniture and anything he can. He has been on solids since he was 5 months and is currently on solids 4 times a day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner and then has some snack meals in the day. He does not do formular milk AT ALL. I have tried and tried he ain't having it. He is still breastfed on demand.

He has not been a good sleeper since I brought him home from the hospital. I should have know at 3 months when he failed to "switch" to proper sleeping like other babies







but I was hanging in there, thinking it would change. It has not. He used to wake up up to 7-8 times a night. I stopped looking at the clock.... didn't help, was still tired the next day. I have not been able to resume jogging because sleepless nights and jogging = one wasted mother!! I thought when he started crawling it would improve....NOT! I thought when he starts solids more regular it would improve... NOT!

Finally I decided to do it. When he would go to bed usually 7-7.30pm he would be up in 1.5hours time to feed, and so it would go on the rest of the night.

So this time, 3 nights ago, when he woke up, I went into the room, tried to put him down into a lying position (he pulls himself up to stand in his crib). He would not have it. So I picked him up and rocked him and he fell back asleep and put him back in crib. 30mins later he woke up again, I went in and this time managed to put him back to lye down and patted him back to sleep. 1 hour later he woke up again, patting did not work, so I picked him up and rocked him to sleep. He was not having that. Then he let me have it, he screamed and screamed and screamed. It was about 10 minutes of screaming.... though it felt like an hour. I was holding him all the time, rocking him, he kept trying to go for the booby and I was like nope.. not tonight. I had earlier prepared a bottle of water for him...cause he DOES NOT DO FORMULA at all.

Finally he calmed down and miracle of miracles, accepted the bottle of water. He was still in my arms having sobbing hiccups (breaking my heart too). He took it and when he was finished pushed it away and fell asleep in my arms. I transfered him to his bed and he slept for 2 hours straight. That was around 9.00p. He had gone to bed at 6.00pm. ( a tad earlier than normal, he had missed his afternoon nap.. so I was ok with that)

He next woke up at 11.00pm and I gave him booby milk. Then at 1.30am I was too tired to do the screaming thing, so I moved him back into my bed and we woke up twice through the night.

I know it is not total success... but it is fantastic. These past two nights, when I put him down he has been sleeping for 3 to 3.5 hours straight before waking up, and he lets me rock him to sleep. He gets booby milk at 11.00pm.

I am gearing to work on the extra feed at 1.00am which I feel he does not need. It will be hard, because I am also usually asleep then and it is easier to just give the boob than have to calm him down. But I have to do it, because I know he can go from 11.00pm to about 3.00am without a feed.

I am gunning for two wakings a night at the moment i.e. Asleep 7.30pm Awake at 11:30/12.00pm: awake at 3.30/4.00am then finally at 6:00am Once we have that down, then I will work on one feeding a night.

I shared this to encourage all the tired sleepless moms. I have been there, its hard and you just have to be in the right place mentally to do it. I know some people will not agree with night weaning, but as long as you do not leave your child to self console then there should be no probs. Apart from the crying the first day... I can honestly say the past 2 days there has been no crying when he wakes. I do not leave him to cry it out, I rock or pat him back to sleep and I respond to his cries.

It is much better now at least for the first part of the night. Good luck to you all and to me


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## Pumpkin_Pie (Oct 10, 2006)

8.5 months sounds early to night wean to me. My son is nearly 8 months and still nurses maybe 5-6 times a night. I just tuck him in bed with me, and we nurse all night.

I am sorry you were having such a hard time.







:


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

8.5 months is really early to nightwean. I'm sure you will find many moms here who will tell you babies waking during the night is quite the norm. We all go through it. It sounds heartbreaking to not soothe your little one. This really is a phase, it will pass at some point.


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## lotus.blossom (Mar 1, 2005)

: I know there are babies out there that sleep through relatively early..... but your son sounds a lot like mine. Its easy to assume that they don't need food between certain hours but nursing is also comfort sucking and its hard to assume when they need that. I don't know if your child has any teeth yet but teething is also a great need for comfort. You may be in for some sleep lapses in the near future.

I'm not trying to discourage you! I know how frustrating lack of sleep can be especially during those trying times. Right now I am enjoying a nice sleep stint with my 16 m/o but I have realistic expectations then his teething will pick up again and we'll be back to all night nurseathons.

As long as you are aware that its still early for STTN you can enjoy this time of extra sleep!


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## MamaNikh (May 18, 2007)

Oh well...!

Anyway we are all different in our opinions and I MUST assure anyone reading this that i am not CIO-ing him and secondly... he only cried the first night for about 10 mins. Sorry I am coming off defensive..well I am .... its just that, I cannot be one of those mothers who is still waking up endlessly when he is 16,17,20 months old. I know that it is stupid to expect him to NOT wake up at all and that is not what I am aiming at....

oh well...!

He has eight teeth currently 4 at the bottom and 4 on top and I suspect another two are on the way. Teething has never really been an issue with him.. he waking up has been consistent since he was born.

I am not longer buying the it will pass thing..... I cannot do this for another 8-9 months, I just cannot.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pumpkin_Pie* 
8.5 months sounds early to night wean to me.

I gotta agree with the others. This is REALLY early to nightwean.


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## MaryTheres (Mar 21, 2007)

I am just really glad you're not just leaving him to CIO . Hope all works out for you and little one... My little guy is 27 months and still nursing at night







Some nights he's up alot and some nights he sleeps straight through....


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## Mrsboyko (Nov 13, 2007)

It is all about having a plan and being flexible. I really hope your plan works for you, but if it doesn't don't feel like a failure.

My DD was down to one night waking from 5 months till about 8 months all on her own. From 8 months till 11 months, it just got worse and worse. She hates to sleep in our bed (though we give it a try every night still) so I just couldn't keep getting up to nurse her in the rocker 4+ times a night. i work full time and we were both shot come morning, not rested at all. I didn't believe the whole "she will just get it" thing either. We tried something very similar to your plan. It did not work for us. She would not take a bottle of ANYthing from us. One night she cried for 2 hours till I finally gave in and BF'ed her (she had JUST gone to bed an hour earlier). There were a few nights where my DH ended up taking her into the living room and playing with her at 2am. That was not productive because she then thought 2am was play time. Finally we gave up after about a week and a half of trying.

Then an amazing thing happened. She slept. She went from 4, 5, 6 times a night waking to 3. The next night it was only 2 times. One night near the end of the week she actually STTN for the first time ever. I was ecstatic, but so paranoid. I must have checked on her 4 times that night. There is nothing we did different. Actually, we put a room freshener in her room. Maybe she was waking because she smelled something? Not likely. Anyways, she is now 12 months old and she has settled into a 1-2 time a night pattern. I'll take it over the multi-waking or scream fest we were doing. Like i said, I hope it continues to work for you, just don't freak if it doesn't. Sometimes they just need a little more time.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

It sounds like your little one needs his mama and his milk... but...

Some babies can STTN without waking too often, but we are all different. I don't even STTN at 27 (not including waking to feed DS) -- I have one bathroom break. My husband, OTOH, can STTN without any bathroom breaks. I wouldn't expect a little baby to go too long without waking (although like I said, some do).

You may find that if you co-slept full time, your life would get 100 times easier. I can't imagine getting up so often in the night to feed DS. All I have to do is roll over.

Good luck to you!


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## leila1213 (Sep 15, 2006)

I co-sleep w/17 MO DD and nurse her about 3-4 times a night. I wouldn't have it any other way. But honestly, even if I was OVER IT, that does not mean she would cooperate in reducing her nightwaking.

I am just not under the assumption that sleep training even works, no matter how gentle or brilliant the method is. I would just feel like she is going to do what she's going to do and by fighting her patterns I'm just setting myself up for more frustration and less sleep. That tends to be the result on any other behavior, so I can't see how trying to achieve a certain goal while in my tired stupor would work any better. Any one else feel that way?


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## alpenglow (Oct 29, 2007)

Mama Nikh - thank you for sharing your successes. I've been going through a similar thing myself. We've had some success in reducing the number of night nursings from 7 or 8 down to 2-3...with a little help from my hubby in singing her back to sleep (in the dark, lying in our bed...so she still associates darkness and stillness with sleeping). and now she is sleeping in longer stretches - better for everyone, baby especially!

You do not have to be an all night nursing martyr in order to raise a healthy attached child! A happier mom = happier child. It's very reasonable to decide to reduce the number of night nursings in your situation. Your child's behaviour, temperment during the day and growth patterns will guide you.


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## MamaNikh (May 18, 2007)

Its now 8.16am where I live and we have been awake since 7.30am. Last night was a good night. He was in bed by 8.15am and woke up 2 times between 8.15pm and 10.30pm. Both times all I did was rock him back to sleep and he went down. He then woke up at 11.30pm and had his booby milk and was down up to around 3.45am. It was me who kept waking up because my sleep is so messed up. He was down till 5.00am. He woke up due to having to burp and fart.. he refused the breast (this is normal... around that tiime he usually is sleepy but straining to poop or burp.)

In total he woke up 3 times from the time I went to bed. I do not count the times he wakes when I am still awake. He awoke at 11.30ishpm, 3.45am and 5.00something am. This I can handle for now.. much much better.

I am happy with my decision and happy that the wakings are reducing. I know many of the moms here do not agree and THAT IS ALRIGHT. My child is fine and growing well and happy. Yes we do co-sleep... something I intend to end in the near future. He starts out the night in his crib which is next to our bed and will usually end up in my bed sometime in the night.

That is all from me for now....


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

You really don't have to be so defensive; no one is going to harass you. Disagree, yes. Harass? No.

Anyway -- 11:30 to 3:45 sounds like a good stretch.

You know what's weird is that DS sleeps longer when he has a hat on. Thought I'd throw that out there.


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## babymaggie (Nov 11, 2007)

JMO, but I don't think she sounded defensive at all.


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## leila1213 (Sep 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
You really don't have to be so defensive; no one is going to harass you. Disagree, yes. Harass? No.

Anyway -- 11:30 to 3:45 sounds like a good stretch.

You know what's weird is that DS sleeps longer when he has a hat on. Thought I'd throw that out there.


I remember a dad in another subforum talking about how that (the hat thing) worked for his special needs DD too!


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babymaggie* 
JMO, but I don't think she sounded defensive at all.


I thought the same thing.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

I personally think that 8.5 months is too young to nightwean however, if it works for you great and I am being sincere - just a little piece of information I got from James McKenna's website - 5 hours is considered a full night's sleep when talking about sleep cycles etc. My ds is nearly 28 months and still nurses - ooh I don't know how many times through the night, but that's the beauty of co-sleeping, I really don't consider waking up with a child during the night until I actually have to get out of bed!! Also I did away with any clock telling me the time, then I didn't have to say - oh they've only slept so+so many hours - not that that happened much!!









PS dd is 5 and doesn't nurse through the night - but she still wakes up during the night.


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## gwynthfair (Mar 17, 2006)

8.5 months might not be the ideal time to nightwean, but I don't think it's unreasonable to try and decrease the frequency, at all, especially if frequent wakings are negatively affecting your relationship in other ways.

I, for one, am really struggling with frequent nighttime wakings and breastfeeding is just really uncomfortable right now. I cannot sleep while she's nursing at all. So I understand where you're coming from.


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## aricha (Oct 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dot1* 
You do not have to be an all night nursing martyr in order to raise a healthy attached child! A happier mom = happier child. It's very reasonable to decide to reduce the number of night nursings in your situation. Your child's behaviour, temperment during the day and growth patterns will guide you.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *gwynthfair* 
8.5 months might not be the ideal time to nightwean, but I don't think it's unreasonable to try and decrease the frequency, at all, especially if frequent wakings are negatively affecting your relationship in other ways.

Just adding my agreement with the quoted comments above. I think there is a difference between nightweaning at 8 months and trying to reduce the frequency of nursing at 8 months. Personally, I think babies can nurse on demand without getting the boob everytime they fuss. There are plenty of other ways that our little one enjoys being soothed that don't involve nursing. We do what works for our little nursing team and we strive for balance and attention to everyone's needs. My attitude toward the kids when I am absolutely deprived of any sleep will do far more to damage our attached relationship than any relationship damage that mght come from not nursing her everytime she wakes up.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
You may find that if you co-slept full time, your life would get 100 times easier. I can't imagine getting up so often in the night to feed DS. All I have to do is roll over.

AMEN!


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## MamaNikh (May 18, 2007)

Since ds was born he has always started out the night in his own crib and usually by midnight he is in my bed until the morning. I look at that as co-sleeping. I have been very happy with that arrangement and I am still ok with it, but I am planning to start working on having him sleep in his crib for the whole night. I do not intend to do it soon but it is something in the pipeline. I intend to keep his crib in my bedroom until further notice









2. My intention is to cut down on the number of wakings. Tonight is the 5th night since I started the night weaning / cutting down on number of wakings. Since the first night when he cried for LESS OR 10 MINS he has not cried since. He will wake up fuss fussing, I get to him, rock him, he burps, squirms all around in my arms, looks for booby, realises there is no booby and goes to sleep in my arms and I lay him down in his bed. This whole process takes about 5-7 mins. Tonight it took about 3 mins. He went to bed at 7.15pm. Woke up at 9.00pm... It is now 10.25pm as I type this. _(added at 10.39pm...he just woke up again for less than 4 mins and is back sleeping after a sip of water and a very big loud burp)_ I know he will be awake around 11..00/11.30pm and I will feed him then. (he slept a tad earlier today because he missed his nap, had a consultation with the doctor about vax and stuff). Side note: During the day he requires a minimum of 2.5hrs nap.. sometimes he spreads that over two naps. One in the morning, one in the afternoon; or does a 3 hour block from 12.30pm to 3.30pm.

3. I am VERY HAPPY with the way things are going, so is DH. I am not seeking perfection, nor am I inflexible. Right now the past 5 nights have been much much better than the past 8 months.

I started this thread to share my experience with other mothers. ~This I did because many many times I have drawn encouragement from mothers here. I have sought advice in "life with a babe forum" and have learned a lot from the forums. My writing about my experience is my small way of sharing back. I am not an expert, I am a first time mom learning the ropes as I go along. It's not an easy ride but I KNOW i am not the first first time mom nor am I the last first time mom so I get on with the job









I am off to bed now... in my part of the world it is 10.42pm.

Goodnite ladies.


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## Sassenach280 (Sep 28, 2007)

I'm actually going to have the opposite problem in a couple of weeks when I have to go back to work! I'm hoping my son, who has been a terrific sleeper since day 1, will start reverse cycling because I know from experience that I'll have trouble pumping and producing enough milk for him during the day. He'll sleep a good 13 hours and only wake up maybe twice to nurse and then go right back to sleep. I don't think I'll start him on solids too soon, though. I don't know, but 4 solids a day sounds like a lot to me? He's a big boy anyway; he already weighs 19 pounds and he's not even 5 months old yet!

Anyway, I remember feeling the same way you do when my daughter was still just a little baby. I was frustrated that she couldn't just let me sleep! Well, she's been weaned completely since she was 14 months old and she STILL wakes up during the night! Oh well, I've just come to accept that I haven't had a good night's sleep in almost 3 years (since I was pregnant with her) and I won't have a good night's sleep for several years to come. I guess it just comes with being a mom.


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## kailotus (Nov 15, 2007)

Cutting down night wakings for an 8 mo. old baby seems reasonable to me. There are a million ways to lovingly comfort a baby, breast milk being one of them (one of the best)! I did the same thing when my son was 8 mo. old...it had gotten to the point where my son thought daytime was for playing and night-time was for munching! He would go all day long exploring and discovering, showing no interest in nursing, and then come night he would want to catch up for all his missed milk. It worried me a bit, because he would literally go 6-7-8 hours in a day without wanting any breastmilk, food or water! I couldn't imagine ever letting him CIO or "sleep training" him...but I did cut him back on the night nursings. He has always co-slept with us, so when he would wake up to nurse I would just say "its sleep time baby, no milk, just cuddle mommy" and I would let him climb on top of me to sleep on my chest (I started sleeping with a t-shirt on)He never really cried, and within three days he was nursing during the day again. He went from nursing all night to nursing between 1-3 times a night. I was very happy, and so was he. Parenting is such a balancing act, it could drive you crazy. Sometimes you just have to do what you feel is right for you and your baby even if it doesn't fit the mold. Sometimes the mold is Attachment parenting, and sometimes the mold is CIO-parenting. Just do what feels right!


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## Lisa85 (May 22, 2006)

Hi mamanikh!

Thank you so muchfor posting that! I am also struggling with the frequent night wakings. A few per night I can handle, it's the up every hour thing that's killing me. I am undecided if we will start night weaning now though or wait until the holidays are over in order to keep things consistant. My dh could also take vacation then so he will be able to help me out more.

I plan on night weaning the same way you are, one at a time. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to go 4 or so hours during the night. When you say "nightweaning" I think some people automatically jump to the conclusion that you want your dc to sleep 12 hours straight through without a peep. When what you really mean is working your way towards no night nursing at all _eventually_.

For us - dd used to sleep straight through until 5:30a, sometimes even 11 hours straight without nursing when younger. As soon as she became more alert, she started waking more. I think she wakes because she is more alert, and nursing is what helps her get back to sleep the fastest so that's what we've done and now it's a habit. You know your ds the best, and know what will work for your family. I know that my dd will not go down hungry so I'm not afraid of starving her - when she gets cranky I know it's because she's hungry or tired and if i lay her down when she's hungry she wakes immediately. Feed her, and she's out like a light. If she isn't hungry and I don't feed her, same thing, rocked and then out. One thing I was going to suggest was to gradually move back the 11pm feeding when you feel he's ready to drop one feeding. Just by 15 minutes or so. Then also push back the next feeding by 15 minutes. Eventually the first feeding will be pushed back so far, that the second feeding is upon waking rather in the middle of the night. Make sense? Anyways that's what I plan to try when we get to it.


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