# Wants to wear underwear but not use potty



## beckington (Mar 1, 2004)

Hey everyone

(I'm posting this here instead of Toddlers because we are in that strange in-between stage (ds will be 3 in a few weeks) and my last post in Toddlers got moved here, so I guess it means this is where we belong now!)

My son wants to wear underwear but doesn't want to use the potty. He'll sit on it sometimes, for about two seconds, say he's finished (didn't do anything) and off he goes to play. When I say to him it's time to use the potty he just ignores me or says 'no thank-you' in a very pleasant voice as if I'm offering him a cookie and he doesn't want it! So he pees in his underwear, I change him, saying that when we wear underwear we need to pee in the potty and next time let's try that and he agrees, but never does. UGH! In the summer we had a go, initiated by me, at potty learning and he was doing pretty good but then just stopped. The past little while diaper changes have been just horrible - he doesn't tell us anymore when he's done a poop, like he used to, and absolutely refuses to get his nappy changed. It's been such drama! So I suggested the underwear to him one day, explaining the benefits (no nappy changes) and he thought it was great, but wont' use the potty! Honestly I still prefer him wearing underwear because there's no drama involved now - when he pees or poops, he's happy to be changed.

Anyhow, should I continue as we are or ???? I kind of feel like saying 'look, potty and underwear goes hand in hand, so use the potty or ELSE!', heh, but I won't, don't worry! I'm just worried that he's thinking it's normal and OK to pee in his underwear, you know?

Suggestions PLEASE?

Thanks!


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## mamato271828 (Aug 23, 2006)

Same exact problem here. DS will be three in March (what is it with boys and being almost three?







: ). We've been peeing in the underwear/trainers for 2 weeks and still absolute refusal to use the potty. He knows how to use it but also declines when asked and says he will go "later." Anyone have ideas for a gentle way to encourage using the potty?


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## JanB (Mar 4, 2004)

We had a similar problem at a somewhat earlier age (2.5) with my daughter, who just potty trained recently. Something that eventually worked for us was setting up a routine -- not exactly a strict schedule, but certain times of the day when we would always go and use the potty. So I would say, "Okay Stazi, let's go use the potty before we sit down for lunch!" Sometimes she would resist, and I would gently encourage her to go ahead and do it "because that's what we do before lunch!" If she threw an outright fit or refused, okay, we'd put it off until later. I didn't want to force her. But often she'd agree, and at least sit on the potty for a minute. Sometimes she would go... sometimes not.

After a while of this, we made the switch to underpants. For us it was about 2-3 weeks of very frequent accidents when she basically just wasn't getting to the potty at all. But I would say, "Oh no, an accident, let's get you all clean and dry" and we'd go clean her up and change her, and continue to stick with our little routine ("Let's use the potty before we play outside!"). Eventually she started actually peeing when it was potty time, and then after a few weeks, she had a major breakthrough and actually pooped in the potty. Right after that is when she started to get a sense of when she had to go, and would start asking.

So that's what happened with us. Basically once she was in underpants I didn't want to take a step back and go back to diapers, although I might have, if it had gone on for months and months.

I don't know if any of this is the best advice but it is what we did.









Edited to add: Also, if you are using a little child-size potty, you might want to switch to a potty ring that fits in the adult toilet, or vice versa. Sometimes kids have a strong preference for one over the other. Stazi liked the child potty at first because it was easier for her to get to, but then we got a step stool for the bathroom and then she preferred the ring on the "big potty". So that might be something worth trying.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

We are goign through it right now. I'll tell you what I did







: I bribed. Pee pee in potty gets a chocolate. I started on Wed. and they have pretty much already forgotten about the chocolate. On Fri. I started putting them off (like you can have the chocolate when daddy comes home) and if they remembered tehy got it. No one asked for chocolate today and they both have gone in the potty.

The other thing that has worked is nonchalantly suggesting potty when they ask me for smething. If they ask to paint I'll say "sure, go run quick quick and potty and I'll get the paints out" Usually they agree. Between that and the chocolate we have only really had major accidents the first two days. They have been pretty good since Friday.

Good luck!!


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## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

Same drama here with my 2.5 year old. Total potty strike, which is fine considering his age. But he FREAKS at diaper/ training pants changes. He screams that he HATES diapers and HATES being changed. I tell him I understand and that I will stop changing him if he tries to get back on track with the potty.

He tells me "No, I am still just a baby. I think I'll do potty this summer, ok mama?"

I truly would have no problem with this if we didn't end up having world war three at every dipe change.

Subbing in for advice!


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## beckington (Mar 1, 2004)

Well, I guess misery loves company and all of that!







What is up with our kids?!

We've tried the potty ring - he prefers the potty, I think. Today he sat on the potty more than normal but only peed twice and that was in underwear. The second time he peed he asked for a nappy after, so that's what he's wearing now. I do wonder if we should discourage nappies in the day now - it's kind of like he falls back on them every few days. Maybe if he was 100% in underwear during the day it would help the process along.

I'm not a briber, but I'm getting close!







: I'd rather keep trying to gently encourage him though, you know. Maybe try the potty time routine idea a bit more - I've probably mostly been asking him rather randomly about using the potty so maybe I'll start only suggesting it before we go out, after eating, and before bed. I think less might be more with my little guy as well, you know?

Any other suggestions greatly appreciated!

Cheers!


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## mamato271828 (Aug 23, 2006)

Thanks for the suggestions. I like the schedule idea. I think that would work well for my DS. We tried the bribes and they worked initially but no more. We may try again but with a special toy he has been wanting for awhile







:

Good luck to everyone and I hope for many pee-filled potties


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## AuntNi (Feb 26, 2003)

My DD was the same way. After a few messy panties, I told her no more panties until she'd go in the potty. We did pull-ups for a couple months. Then one weekend, she decided she wanted to wear panties and her swimsuit without a swim diaper. She cold-turkey potty trained, solely because of wanting to wear panties. (It was July 4th weekend. Can you imagine how hot and sticky pull-ups were?







)

I'm all for incentives and bribes.







Can you use the underwear thing as a bribe?

Good luck! I remember thinking it was one of the best moments of my life when my DD potty trained!


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## levar (Jan 28, 2002)

We turned 'potty time' into 'reading time' and so a few times a day we'd sit in the bathroom, with our son on the toilet, and read to him for at least 15 minutes or more. I tried to "time" them for his "go time" too.

The BIGGEST help though was having my Sister (beloved aunt) chat with him about "everybody goes poop" during his toilet-reading time. He will do ANYTHING for her, including, I guess, use a toilet. Having an 'important' adult other than yourself do this might help?

Also, yucky though this may sound, I had my SON change his own pull-up and later undies. I'd stand by with words of encouragement like "get a bag, take your pants off AND socks etc, pull off diaper and put in bag, get wipes and wipe up (with help), wipe up floor (EEW with help), put bag in can (or laundry), wash hands (with help), get re-dressed" FYI we did/do this with bedtime accidents too. He cleans up, with help.

In public though I'd just march him into the restroom and quickly and mutely change him and go on with what we were doing. I draw a BIG line between public and private, but feel strongly that a negative attitude (etc) only leads to a negative outcome (etc). It took us 'forever' to get 100% it feels, but I do think we did so with 'dignity'.









PS. We too tried bribes, as suggested. But eventually gave that up. I think that what changed our mind was it occurred to me that *I* dont get a bribe for using a toilet? Why should my son. [We've since translated this to manners, chores, etc FYI]


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

bfak

my older boys born 93 and 97 were both out of nappies at 2 which was normal back then. They wet their pants every now and then but it was no big deal. They never liked potties. They both weed standing up either in the garden or at the toilet. They loved weeing behind trees or in bushes or down drains

We part ec'd dd1 and are ec ing dd2 so I'm loking at this from a different perspective now. 3 years is a long time to learn that you wee and poo in your clothes. It's going to take a while to learn new habits so a transitin with wet pants is to be expected.

Try using the toilet in the bathroom if that's where everyone else goes why should the be 'babyish' and use a potty? Use the garden and bushes! Also I do believe it is a dad's/man's job to show boys what to do in the bathroom. My boys loved using urinals with their dad or grandad when they were little; just the novelty was motivating and rewarding.

i remember being out with my aunt uncle and cousin when he was about 3 and in the middle of the meal he and his dad went to the toilet. When they came out again he announced to the whole place 'I did a stand up wee. Yay!'


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## FancyPants (Dec 25, 2004)

When my ds2 was 16 months he wanted underwear but didn't care at all if they were wet.
Just before 3 he wanted to wear them too. Like your child, I kept changing him. DH talked to him about how wet = pee, etc. But he was ready. He started to go in the toilet consistently within 2 weeks of wanting to wear underwear. Was dry at night in a month etc. So he may be ready. He may decide he doesn't like being wet/getting changed all the time.
anyway, here's hoping.


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## channelofpeace (Jul 14, 2005)

We have been at it for a few days with my ds1, but nakey tush has been effective so far. Having a dipe or undies on seems like permission for him to potty, so we have had him nakey. I had been putting him in undies at naptime and he would poo when the undies were on, but i didn't put them on today and he pooed in the potty this afternoon! Good luck!


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