# Ryder Angel



## ryders_mummy (Sep 30, 2008)

sorry for the long story as i need to get this off my chest

it all started on the 21st of December 2007 when i first conceived ryder, at that time we did not no i was pregnant. i missed my period and finally worked up the courage to do a test, it was positive.... we ere excited and scared at the same time. i didn't no what to do. at this point i was crying. i called my sister for advice and she told me to call dad and break the news to him, i couldn't call him so i got ray to.... on the 3rd of march i had my first scan which confirmed my EDD for the 1st of October 2008, "trans vaginal scans were performed... showed the uterus to be enlarged containing a single gestational sac with a single fetus the CRL measures 29.5mm consistent with 9 weeks and 6 days gestation, fetal HB was recorded at 176BPM"
on the 27th of march was my first anti-natal visit everything was going smoothly at this point i was 13 weeks pregnant and happy i was out of the "danger period". the 30th of march we moved into our own house, we couldn't of been any happier, the 29th of April i had my second check up everything was still great i was 18 weeks pregnant.
1st of may was my first midwife appointment at the coffs harbour health campus she explained alot of important things,
19th of may was my 2nd scan we found out ryder was a little baby girl







we were do excited "placental site was anterior, fetal measurements and consistent with a gestational age of 20 weeks, HB was recorded at 140BPM she was 336 grams her hand were clenched during the scan".
the 30th of june was another check up, the doc was looking at his watch counting the BPM which he had never ever done. i asked if everything was ok he said "YES" that was the last time i ever heard her heart beating....
the 3rd of july i was getting alot of cramps and all sorts of pains.... the 10th of july i was taken to the hospital so i could hear her HB i was so scared that i had lost her, they couldn't find the HB and said the machine was old so they went and got another one.
they came back but could only hear my HB they said sorry but i cant hear it, my world came crashing down i was so close to giving birth to an alive baby i was 28 weeks and 1 day, they took me to the ultra sound room to confirm it. yup theres my little angel laying theres still with no heart beat, i was a mess. she spent 7 months in my belly it was her home and suddenly became her coffin. i was sent home and told to come back in the morning on the 11th of july at 7am, i had no sleep that night i was to upset. in the morning iw as admitted to hospital,
they midwife came in and inserted something in my cervix to start softening it a while later i had mild cramps but nothing to worry about yet, they told me i was to be induced that day but pfft i wasn't they had better things to do. that night my waters broke at 9pm and immediately contractions started after a while they got real intense i was put into labor and delivery so i could have pain relief medication.i was sucking on the gas with every contraction, i became my best friend, i had 2 pethidine shots that put me to sleep for 4 hours i woke up and my contractions had stopped.. grrrr. at 10am the 12th of july a doctor put a drip in my hand to get things speeding up again the pains got really bad, worse than the night before! i couldn't take it any longer i got another shot of pethidine i got off the bed and said i needed to push.. the nurse said no u dont go to the toilet and relief some pressure i yelled at her saying " does it look like i wanna poo now??" i went and sat on the toilet and done nothing.. ray came in and i looked at him and said "its coming" i stepped away from the toilet, he got the nurse i gave one little push and i was crowning i was so scared at this point, one more tiny push and her head was out staring poor ray in the face she came out and the midwife caught her i remember saying "my baby my baby" over and over.she was so beautiful they cut the cord and ray held her while i went to the bed so they could get the placenta out. i was pushing for about 10 mins for that, in the end it broke grrrrr.i was then sitting outside with my daughters lifeless body begging her to wake up. she had long legs 10 fingers, 10 toes black hair.we were so devastated she was born at 10:57am, 1lbs 3.8oz, 33cms
and her HC was 28cm we got her hand and footprints too. we spent alot of time with her (2days) before she flew to Sydney for a postmortem we took 100's of photos. leaving that hospital was the hardest thing. knowing i had given birth to my daughter and not leaving with her and just carrying a box full of crap was very hard.the 25th was her funeral it was so amazing, it was an open coffin so every one could meet her.
she got cremated. the 25th of September i got the postmortem results back, it was the placenta that wasn't doing its job properly. it was really small and she wasn't getting enough nutrients, she was suppose to be double her weight.
i miss her so much, i cry every day, i kiss her ashes.
mummy and daddy loves u ryder you will live on in our hearts forever








stay safe

sorry its so long


----------



## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

i am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)




----------



## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I'm very sorry for your loss of your little girl Ryder. My heart goes out to you and your family...


----------



## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

My heart is breaking for you....I am so very sorry for your loss








Ryder


----------



## MotherMama (Mar 31, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Mamax3 (Nov 21, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss. I love the name Ryder for a girl. Hang in there, you will have wonderful support here.


----------



## yummymummy2hannah (Aug 23, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am crying with you.

I will light my Nathaniel's candle in memory of your Ryder.


----------



## catballou24 (Mar 18, 2003)

i am so sorry..


----------



## juneau (May 20, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. Leaving the hospital with nothing but a box must be the most devastating thing in the world. My heart aches for you and your little girl.


----------



## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious little Ryder.


----------



## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)

I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl


----------



## Dalene (Apr 14, 2008)

Ryder

I'm so sorry that your baby girl died.


----------



## toughcookie (Aug 25, 2008)

leaving the hospital without your baby is something that is too cruel.

leaving the hospital that gave you such poor and unsympathetic medical care is a blessing. i'm glad that you got home safe, physically at least.

do you feel better, or worse, knowing what caused her to die? if i miscarry again (i have a good chance of doing so), i'm trying to decide whether to find out...

i'm very sorry for your loss of ryder. i like the name.

stay on this board, i just got here, and there's so much help and love to be had here, really.


----------



## kayleesmom (Dec 16, 2004)

hugs


----------



## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

huge huge hugs. we are right there with you.


----------



## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

I am heartbroken for your loss


----------

