# Is Rush Limbaugh promoting spanking or something?



## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

My ILs, whom I love, are have some right wing leanings that personally offend me. My FIL tends to get fired up about whatever the conservative fools on tv are spouting at the time. Lately my ILs have been slipping in advice on how to parent dd. My FIL had a long conversation with dh about how it's ok to spank her. My MIL told me the other day when I was talking about how to get dd to nap on her own without CIO to remember that I "am the boss." Um, yeah, I know I'm in charge here and I could force dd to cry herself to sleep every day, but what I'm looking for is a way to make sleep time pleasant, not stressful. In general, I think they think we're being to soft on dd and she's getting spoiled. I don't agree, but it bugs me that they're thinking this. We visited dh's grandmother last month and I know she thought we were too soft. She even had a conversation with my FIL (her son) about how she thought we should spank. Everything dd did on our visit was perfectly normal for her age. Dh's gm actually said at one point, when dd was asking over and over for great-gm to read to her, "Go ask Daddy. I know he'll give in to you." Give in and read a book? How horrible, we might raise our child to like reading. I guess I'm just venting here. Maybe I need a good comeback, though. I don't want my ILs to think of dd as a brat.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Sounds like you're going to be needing a few useful phrases:
"Thank you, I'll think about that."
"Please address my child respectfully."
"We're fine, would you care for some bean dip?"
"You read that article too? Can you believe anyone would make such a stupid suggestion?







:"
"We are the parents and *we* will handle this."


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## mavery (Jun 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riversong* 
In general, I think they think we're being to soft on dd and she's getting spoiled..... I don't want my ILs to think of dd as a brat.

First, people will ALWAYS disagree with the parenting choices you make, especially if they are different from the choices they made with their kids. I try to brush off "interfering" suggestions by saying something like "I don't think that's the right way for our family, but thanks for your suggestion". Said pleasantly enough, especially with added explanation about YOUR family (like "It's not consistent with what she's used to" or "We find that if we let her get very upset like that, she loses trust in us and it causes more behaviour problems" or whatever), it needn't make people feel defensive about their own parenting choices while at the same time it makes clear that you are the ones in control here and you know your child best and will make decisions for her.

Then, I think especially when gets a little older, there will probably be standards of behaviour that grandparents expect that you won't like, and they'll think she's spoiled if she doesn't follow them. In my family, in these kinds of situations we decide what is reasonable and within acceptable limits to us (e.g. having to ask before getting down from the table) and we explain to our ds that at X's house, we do this because X considers it polite and it's good to show respect for others by following these conventions. Things that we don't consider reasonable expectations for him we either try and avoid (e.g. by serving small portions so there isn't an issue about having to clean his plate) or step in before someone says something.


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## Sabo (Sep 22, 2006)

I know that I would probably only be able to say this to my immediate family, not the IL's, but with those kinds of comments, I'd want to respond, "What? You think we're too soft? Well maybe we should start a "hard-lined" reaction now? OK, here goes . . . STOP telling me how to parent my children! How was that, still too soft?"


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I'm not really sure how to handle the situation ... I deal with similar stuff with my mom and I'm not sure how to handle that either.

We were visiting yesterday. Our girls are very active, so we usually just make short visits to Mom's as she doesn't childproof. But yesterday Mom was really wanting to talk about some problems she was having, so we stayed a lot longer than usual, and dh tried to keep the girls happy while Mom talked with me.

Toward the end of the visit, Mom was making remarks about my oldest dd's "hyperactivity." I just said that dd enjoys church, but usually is kind of wound up afterwards (she is really active but I don't feel she's hyperactive). And when I was using the bathroom (right before we left) I guess my toddler kicked a chair or something.

When I came out, my mom reminded me of how my paternal grandma was all into letting kids express their anger. She used to tell us, "It's okay to kick the furniture, just don't kick people." Mom said it used to make her so mad, when she'd just bought new furniture, to hear Grandma telling us this. She said she thinks this must be what I'm trying to do with my own kids.

I just felt so irritated with my mom. I'd spent a lot of time listening to her, as she went into all kinds of details about the past, telling me AGAIN about events I'm already QUITE familiar with ... and then she criticizes my kids (and my parenting) when they get restless.

I just said I never tell my girls to kick the furniture, gave her a hug and we left.


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## AllieFaye (Mar 7, 2007)

What exactly does conservatism have to do with being opposed to gentle discipline?







:

There are plenty of conservatives right here at MDC who adhere to NFL and AP. I know a number of liberals who want nothing to do with any type of parenting, much less attachment parenting. I doubt that it's the in-laws political persuasion that is guiding their parenting style.

And, I'm listening to Rush Limbaugh right now, and he hasn't said a word about spanking.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Limbaugh doesn't even have kids, so I don't see how he could be giving out childrearing advice, anyway.


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## mavery (Jun 3, 2005)

Rush Limbaugh has actually made pro-spanking comments, as has Dr. Laura.
The association between being a conservative and being pro-spanking is obviously not a necessary or even typical one, but it's exemplified by some prominent people.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riversong* 
My ILs, whom I love, are have some right wing leanings that personally offend me. My FIL tends to get fired up about whatever the conservative fools on tv are spouting at the time.

Everybody is going to have different opinions. You only want them to "learn" things that you agree with? What kind of a democracy would that be? The rest of the quote is extremely offensive to me as a conservative. Dr. Laura & Rush are not the only conservatives and I have never even seen them on TV. Unsolicited parenting advice comes with the territory. Just politely tell them that's not how you do things at your home. The end.


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood* 
Everybody is going to have different opinions. You only want them to "learn" things that you agree with? What kind of a democracy would that be? The rest of the quote is extremely offensive to me as a conservative. Dr. Laura & Rush are not the only conservatives and I have never even seen them on TV. Unsolicited parenting advice comes with the territory. Just politely tell them that's not how you do things at your home. The end.

I agree with this. My IL's are as liberal as I am conservative and I could have written the stuff that you said your IL's are doing....I don't see the correlation.

I stand my ground with them on parenting issues. I'm DS's mother. PERIOD. DH agrees with how we are parenting and that is all that matters. His parents have the choice to accept what we have decided and be a big part of our lives or continually bash it and become a smaller part of our lives. We both are glad they have come to the realization that our time spent together is more valuable than these arguments. But I refuse to back down.


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## 2bluefish (Apr 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllieFaye* 
What exactly does conservatism have to do with being opposed to gentle discipline?







:

There are plenty of conservatives right here at MDC who adhere to NFL and AP. I know a number of liberals who want nothing to do with any type of parenting, much less attachment parenting. I doubt that it's the in-laws political persuasion that is guiding their parenting style.

And, I'm listening to Rush Limbaugh right now, and he hasn't said a word about spanking.









: I get a little weary of the assumption that if you are interested in nfl that you are liberal. Believe it or not my conservative values are a huge part of *why* I practice nfl. I'd be happy to explain that to you privately if you want to learn more.


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2bluefish* 







: I get a little weary of the assumption that if you are interested in nfl that you are liberal. Believe it or not my conservative values are a huge part of *why* I practice nfl. I'd be happy to explain that to you privately if you want to learn more.

















: Another politically, financially conservative chick who's about as far from mainstream as you can get, chiming in. Conservative does not equal mainstream/secular. Some conservatives are, just as some liberals are, but it's rude and ill-informed to assume that conservative and mainstream are one and the same. Actually, LOL, I was just telling a liberal pal from college the other day about this board, where liberal is so frequently equated to NFL/AP when she commented to me, "You are so conservative" when I was talking to her about my CD-ing and BF-ing plans.

Clara


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DoulaClara* 







: Another politically, financially conservative chick who's about as far from mainstream as you can get, chiming in. Conservative does not equal mainstream/secular. Some conservatives are, just as some liberals are, but it's rude and ill-informed to assume that conservative and mainstream are one and the same. Actually, LOL, I was just telling a liberal pal from college the other day about this board, where liberal is so frequently equated to NFL/AP when she commented to me, "You are so conservative" when I was talking to her about my CD-ing and BF-ing plans.

Clara

I get the SAME comments from a couple of my friends. They think I'm a "conservative nut" because I BF DS for a year and wear DS2 in a sling!!


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood* 
Everybody is going to have different opinions. You only want them to "learn" things that you agree with? What kind of a democracy would that be? The rest of the quote is extremely offensive to me as a conservative. Dr. Laura & Rush are not the only conservatives and I have never even seen them on TV. Unsolicited parenting advice comes with the territory. Just politely tell them that's not how you do things at your home. The end.

Yeah, I realized later that writing "conservative fools" was not the right way to word what I was trying to say. Sorry to offend you.

There are some people I've seen on TV who I really think are fools and who offend me. Certainly, all conservatives are not fools.

To respond to your question, I don't only want my kids to "learn" things that I agree with, but I will keep them away (for as long as I can) from hearing people who spout hatred and anger and say things that I think are morally wrong.


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## seamama11 (Jan 5, 2007)

THis is way off topic, but i found mdc about 6 months ago. I just assumed that the VAST MAJORITY of ap parents with followed nfl were liberal. For me my beliefs usually fall into the same realm of liberalism. anti-war, pro social justice, social programs, environmentalism, pro-choice, economic justice. I guess I just assumed all the aspect of parenting I practice went along with those other issues. MDC has taught me to be more open-minded, more respectful of conservative views (other than my own, and as I have come to realize...similar to my own). So, I guess I just wanted to put that out there. My ILs are mormon, very much into following the male of the house, timeouts, CIO, spanking, authority-type parenting. But that is just them, and I should generlize to all people. Sure this will offend someone, but please know that it is me that was narrow-minded and such.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riversong* 
Yeah, I realized later that writing "conservative fools" was not the right way to word what I was trying to say. Sorry to offend you.

There are some people I've seen on TV who I really think are fools and who offend me. Certainly, all conservatives are not fools.

To respond to your question, I don't only want my kids to "learn" things that I agree with, but I will keep them away (for as long as I can) from hearing people who spout hatred and anger and say things that I think are morally wrong.

I'm sorry, I wasn't speaking of your children. I was speaking of your IL's. You said "My ILs, whom I love, are have some right wing leanings that personally offend me".

I would never expect you to expose your children to things you don't agree with any sooner than you personally thought fit.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seamama11* 
THis is way off topic, but i found mdc about 6 months ago. I just assumed that the VAST MAJORITY of ap parents with followed nfl were liberal. For me my beliefs usually fall into the same realm of liberalism. anti-war, pro social justice, social programs, environmentalism, pro-choice, economic justice. I guess I just assumed all the aspect of parenting I practice went along with those other issues. MDC has taught me to be more open-minded, more respectful of conservative views (other than my own, and as I have come to realize...similar to my own). So, I guess I just wanted to put that out there. My ILs are mormon, very much into following the male of the house, timeouts, CIO, spanking, authority-type parenting. But that is just them, and I should generlize to all people. Sure this will offend someone, but please know that it is me that was narrow-minded and such.


Don't worry about it.

Everybody's going to have their own preconceived ideas. KWIM?

Like it's been pointed out, sometimes people assume AP = conservative sometimes they figure it = Liberal.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Also, some of Peggy Omara's editorials in Mothering Magazine do seem somewhat liberal. When I used to faithfully read the magazine, I saw a lot of what seemed to be assumptions that everyone reading was liberal, that liberal was the ONLY conscientious way to be.

I still love Omara's editorials and the magazine. I just don't think I have to agree with writers on all counts, in order to learn from them.

And the conservatives I know irl all seem to think you can't raise Godly, moral kids without spanking and punishing them.

I'm a mix of liberal and conservative, but believe in Attachment Parenting and Gentle Discipline all the way. I seriously believe that if AP became mainstream, it would solve most or all of the problems the republicans and democrats are trying to solve politically.


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## Magnoliamama (Apr 20, 2004)

My ILs used to be more verbal about how we should spank, AND they thought that our girls needed more traditional "discipline." But now at age 3.5 and 4.5, with our gentle methods working, we have social, energetic, not fearful, responsive children....so I don't hear it anymore. I took pains when they would "misbehave" in front of the ILs over the years to implement a very clear discipline approach, and to take it fully in my or my husband's own hands, rather than leave it up to them or to the group. No one else was invited to assist with or comment to my child about the approach, whether we were using some kind of natural consequences or a time out to blow off steam. The other thing is, I simply didn't engage in the conversation with the ILs about it. If asked directly, I simply stated, "We do not hit our children. Our family does not hit." Without apology or explanation. Eventually, they got the hint.

It does get better.


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sabo* 
I know that I would probably only be able to say this to my immediate family, not the IL's, but with those kinds of comments, I'd want to respond, "What? You think we're too soft? Well maybe we should start a "hard-lined" reaction now? OK, here goes . . . STOP telling me how to parent my children! How was that, still too soft?"


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

This is an interesting discussion, I think. Not to get too OT, but maybe people are defining liberal and conservative in really different ways. I never thought of bfing or babywearing as conservative. I assumed spanking was a conservative thing to do. I'm thinking too narrowly. I suppose some of the things I do would be considered conservative, but I think of myself as liberal. Funny.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I think we tend to define conservative as "old school," or "keeping the status- quo," and liberal as "new school," or "shaking things up."

When you define it in that limited way -- then, yeah, spanking, cribs, schedules, and cry-it-out would be conservative, and attached, responsive parenting would be liberal.

I think liberal attachment parents are shaking up feminism because there's now more open discussion, even among liberals, about the crucial role of mothers in breastfeeding.


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

See, to me I've always thought of conservative in terms of "conserving traditions." In other words, keeping things that are traditional. To some, that might be some harmful things (but then, continuing to do things that have caused harm is sort of the definition of idiocy) but in my family, we keep the tradition of growing and nourishing healthy babies. Working for what we have. Earning every step of our way, without looking around and wondering what we're entitled to. Making our abilities count- can we do useful things? Fix a car? Grow a garden? Heal a wound? Can we use every part of the food we grow or hunt for? Composting vegetable matter, using every part of the deer possible that FIL, DH, BIL, and uncles get in the fall. We limit interferance, is a huge thing- politically and socially. Traditionally, conservatives want to keep governmental interferance at a minimum.

Politically, I can get into a whole other series of describers, but that's not for this forum or thread. I can say it's very similar. I think where people get befuddled and confused is that for so many people, Democrat=liberal, and Republican= conservative. While there probably are a great deal of liberals who are Dems and Conservatives who are Republicans, it's not a mutually exclusive deal. In other words, just like beagles are dogs and not all dogs are beagles, not all conservatives are Republicans.

As a conservative (who has taken quite the road to define myself as such), I spend a lot of time thinking about who I am. I don't really know how to (or if I can) qualify what a liberal is, other than loose definition of dynamic and under change. At any rate, in terms of discipline, I have friends that range over the entire political spectrum. I also belonged to a cooking message board that largely self-identified as moderate/liberal, and I can say for darn sure all those ladies were heavily into punitive discipline and CIO and were very snide when it came to my birth choices.

Clara


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Yes, I can't help thinking that the people who'd like to criminalize homebirth are probably one type of liberal. Not ALL liberals are opposed to homebirth -- but the people who'd like government interference in issues like homebirth, and extended breastfeeding, are probably more liberal than conservative. Good point, DoulaClara.


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## numericmama (Apr 27, 2005)

*************

Yes, I can't help thinking that the people who'd like to criminalize homebirth are probably one type of liberal. Not ALL liberals are opposed to homebirth -- but the people who'd like government interference in issues like homebirth, and extended breastfeeding, are probably more liberal than conservative. Good point, DoulaClara.

*************

Not in my experience at all. Perhaps this is more of a matter of US geography than whether conservative or liberal?


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I'm not saying that all liberals are more likely to want interference in family-life issues such as homebirth. I don't know, it could be more of a geographical issue, as you say.

Most conservatives I know are strongly opposed to some current realities, such as Child Protective Services having the right to invade people's homes. Some liberals are opposed to this, some aren't.

I really respect "Mothering" for the coverage it gave, a few years ago, of the issue of HIV-positive mothers being coerced into formula-feeding their babies. "Mothering" seems to be one liberal magazine that takes a strong stand on supporting personal rights.


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