# daycare kids showing up w/ processed food. wwyd?



## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

I just started watching 3.5 year old twins and they showed up with a big bag of total junk food! Nasty, cheap mac and cheese w/ 100 ingredients, shrimp flavored top ramen, weird jello fruit bowl things, chocolate pudding snacks, animal crackers with high fructose corn syrup as one of the top ingredients, and tuna and mayo (the only good thing in there). These things are obviously meant to be for lunches, but my 3 y.o dd does not eat this kind of stuff!! She actually wouldn't eat the mac and cheese today "because of the funny taste" (she's used to the good stuff), and I doubt she would eat the other weird snacks either, they would probably just taste nasty to her.
Should I offer the twins the food their mom brought and my dd something else? Should I just not offer the food they brought? My dd is used to stuff like garbanzo beans w/ olive oil and vinegar, lots of veggies, whole grain, sprouted bread, etc.... whole foods. The twins looked a little weirded out when I put out cherry tomatoes and carrot sticks w/ their lunch
wwyd?


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

I would discuss it with their mom. Lots of daycares/preschools (at least in our area) have a non-junk policy.


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## Mrsboyko (Nov 13, 2007)

"junk" is a pretty broad term IMO. The ma n' cheese has dairy and grains (maybe "whole grain!") in it. The choc pudding has diary again. HFCS is not on many peoples lists of nasty junk foods (though it certianly is on mine!).

I guess what I'm saying is you need to approach her from a different perspective. She is probably sending foods she thinks are convenient for you to prepare. Maybe letting her know you are willing to cook a little would broaden her food choices? Or mention that you wouldn't mind serving dinner left overs (that is what DD gets most often at DC).


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I'd talk to the mom. Did you decide on them bringing food from the beginning? I would figure out with the mom if you'll be providing the food or if she will.

Most daycares in this area have it one way or the other unless there are allergies.


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## griffin2004 (Sep 25, 2003)

raise your tuition a 1itt1e and inc1ude food/snacks in your price


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
Should I offer the twins the food their mom brought and my dd something else?

That's what I would do. Besides do the parents know that you are giving your daughter the food that they sent for their kids?


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

I'm in the provide for them camp. Much easier to give everyone the same thing.


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## Liquesce (Nov 4, 2006)

It's definitely something to take up with the parents if you really feel you need to.

I'm sorry, because I definitely don't mean this in a personal way, but when this tone of question comes up on here it just always reads to me mostly like "I want to brag on my child's diet and knock parents who feed kids things I don't like all in one go." The fact is a lot of kids do eat boxed mac'n'cheese, etc, enjoy it, and do manage to thrive on it. Should you bring it up with the parents, I would be very careful ... if you were to handle it privately similarly to how you have publicly ("nasty, weird, funny tasting 'food' vs. my child's sprouted breads and other sundry 'good stuff'") it may not bode well for the future of your career as a daycare worker to these children.


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkymamajoy* 
That's what I would do. Besides do the parents know that you are giving your daughter the food that they sent for their kids?

yes, that.

if it bothers you so much, i would do as griffin2004 suggests, and raise your price a bit to include food, and feed them all what you think is best.


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

You know, unless you have a conversation with the parents and put it in terms of "you're spending a lot of packaged food...would you like me to cook," I would find undermining the parents' nutritional decisions very insulting. No, I don't feed my kids that way, and no, I don't think it's healthy for the kids to eat that way. But honestly, if my DCP undermined my decisions as a parent that way, I'd be really PO'ed.

I know you have these kids' best interests at heart, and I, like Liquese, don't mean this personally at all. I just think that sometimes we here on MDC think we have the market cornered on parenting, and it's hard to remember that, while we don't agree with the choices other parents make, they're choices that those other parents have the right to make.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkymamajoy* 
That's what I would do. Besides do the parents know that you are giving your daughter the food that they sent for their kids?

I was wondering this too. You could tell the parents that you're already making dd food and would they like you to cook for their kids? I wouldn't say anything else. It's not your decision what you eat.

And not to be snarky, but what if your dd loved boxed mac and cheese even though she's "used to the good stuff". Would you then be okay with her eating it?

I try to feed my kids good stuff but they love junk too...I don't consider them liking junk food as a failing on my part.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Whenever my kids see other kids eating trash while they have their healthy snack packed, they would whine for those crackers/cookies/chips/etc instead of eating their snack. So, I would ABSOLUTELY talk to parent ASAP and find a solution that works for both of you. As I said, non-junk policies are VERY common around here (maybe it's just the crunchy Boulder area though), so I wouldn't even think twice as far as bringing it up with the parents, starting it as "One thing that I forgot to tell you....". If they want to pay you a bit extra for cooking it's fine. If not, print (ahead of time and have it handy for the conversation) some ideas of lunches which you consider to be acceptable in your place. Beware of giving it to your daughter. It's SO easy to get a kid into a junk food (since it's often sweet) and it is SO hard to undo it.


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## crunchy_mama (Oct 11, 2004)

I wouldn't be cool w/ that either as pp said then it gets your kids wanting the cool junk food w/ the nifty packaging. I would just offer to make meals- I would just have a nominal price increase and let them know it is much more convenient and easy for you to just make 1 meal at lunch time then to have to prepare their food and your food- I would just play that angle.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I would be very careful in how you approach the twin's parents. Make it more of a "I'd like to feed all of the kids the same thing, would you mind if I cooked and fed your children the same things I make for dd? And what kinds of foods do your children like so I can plan to include them?"

I feed ds a pretty healthy diet. He actually wont eat a sandwhich that is on white bread.







But I in NO WAY kid myself that is my wonderful parenting. He refuses my mac n' cheese (which is REALLY GOOD) and will only eat Annie's boxed. He beggs for Gushers at the grocery store, and yep, sometimes I buy them an put them in his lunch.

I always get this "feeling" from these sort of posts - and the way they are worded, like yours OP, just rubs me the wrong way. Even as someone who puts healthy eating as a high priority.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
He actually wont eat a sandwhich that is on white bread. He begs for Gushers at the grocery store, and yep, sometimes I buy them an put them in his lunch.

Same here!









I think you aren't cut out to do daycare for non-crunchy people - if I can just be blunt.









What did you and their parents discuss as far as meals?

Maybe (like another poster said) she is sending stuff that she thinks is easy to transport/make/serve. Or maybe that is what her kids will eat.

You have a couple of choices - you can feed her kids what she sends and yours what you make. Or you can make food and serve to all three kids - but be prepared that the twins may not be willing to eat garbanzo beans and sprouted bread. I'd venture that many kids wouldn't.

So you are kind of between a rock and a hard spot - unless you get over them eating mainstream food. I grew up on boxed M & C and Oreos (and lots of other stuff) and lived to tell the tale.

I think you should do a bit of a compromise - offer the twins what you make but don't expect they'll jump on board. And let your dc have a bit of "junk" food here and there.

What I wouldn't do is feed their food to your kid without asking the mom. As a parent, I'd be peeved if I was paying you to watch my kid, sending food for them but it was being eaten by the daycare lady's kid. Now and then no biggie. But all the time isn't really what she is sending it for.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

I had a similar problem when I did home daycare. The mom sent all kinds of junk food. He was 1 year old and he would have a walmart brand nutrigrain bar type thing for breakfast on the way over--which is literally nothing but HFCS and dye. Then he would obviously feel bad--I'm talking arched back screaming, terrible gas, and the worst smelling poop I have ever come across. (As a former daycare worker I've dealt with a lot of toddler poop.







)

For lunches his mom sent a bag of processed things also, everything from the not-so-terrible HFCS animal crackers to sugar free jello pudding cups.

I wasn't sure what to do. At first I just didn't say anything and I fed him some of his food and some of our food. But I felt so bad for him because he was crying a lot and pooping often, even spitting up/throwing up when he would lean over while playing. I casually mentioned to his mom that he didn't seem to be feeling well and asked her if she had considered something he was eating was bothering him and she FREAKED out. I said it very gently and non-accusatory.

I have since decided to never do home child care again.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I do home daycare and totally understand where you are coming from because it happened to me. Kids bringing in all SORTS of things that I just don't buy or serve my own children. And when you are doing daycare it's not like this is a "once in awhile let loose at a birthday party" thing, it's day in and day out. So what I did is told the moms that I was having a hard time with all the kids doing the "your kids want my kids' food, my kids want your kids' food" and no one is eating. I told them that in order to stop all the mealtime fighting and make my days easier I was going to have to switch to providing the food. I asked the moms to just bring a little fresh fruit for everyone to share if they wanted to bring something. So usually they would send along anything from a melon to a couple apples or a bag of strawberries. It works really well for me and I highly recommend it. The moms were actually pretty excited to not have to pack snacks and lunches at all anymore.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I'd ask them to send food that is ready to eat only.....or just have you make the same thing for all of the kids. I would so not be willing to cook food that kids brought in their lunch for them, and then cook again for the rest of the kids. That's asking too much.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pepper44* 
I had a similar problem when I did home daycare. The mom sent all kinds of junk food. He was 1 year old and he would have a walmart brand nutrigrain bar type thing for breakfast on the way over--which is literally nothing but HFCS and dye. Then he would obviously feel bad--I'm talking arched back screaming, terrible gas, and the worst smelling poop I have ever come across. (As a former daycare worker I've dealt with a lot of toddler poop.








)

For lunches his mom sent a bag of processed things also, everything from the not-so-terrible HFCS animal crackers to sugar free jello pudding cups.

I wasn't sure what to do. At first I just didn't say anything and I fed him some of his food and some of our food. But I felt so bad for him because he was crying a lot and pooping often, even spitting up/throwing up when he would lean over while playing. I casually mentioned to his mom that he didn't seem to be feeling well and asked her if she had considered something he was eating was bothering him and she FREAKED out. I said it very gently and non-accusatory.

I have since decided to never do home child care again.









That's a pretty extreme reaction. All you have to do is have a "No OUtside Food" policy in your handbook. Totally solves it.


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## HisBeautifulWife (Jun 18, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Liquesce* 
Should you bring it up with the parents, I would be very careful ... if you were to handle it privately similarly to how you have publicly ("nasty, weird, funny tasting 'food' vs. my child's sprouted breads and other sundry 'good stuff'") it may not bode well for the future of your career as a daycare worker to these children.

This.

If you addressed the issue to me like you did in this post, you might as well hold up a sign beforehand that says "this will not end well".

Any why is your kid eating their food anyway?


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## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Liquesce* 
I'm sorry, because I definitely don't mean this in a personal way, but when this tone of question comes up on here it just always reads to me mostly like "I want to brag on my child's diet and knock parents who feed kids things I don't like all in one go." The fact is a lot of kids do eat boxed mac'n'cheese, etc, enjoy it, and do manage to thrive on it. Should you bring it up with the parents, I would be very careful ... if you were to handle it privately similarly to how you have publicly ("nasty, weird, funny tasting 'food' vs. my child's sprouted breads and other sundry 'good stuff'") it may not bode well for the future of your career as a daycare worker to these children.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *staceychev* 
You know, unless you have a conversation with the parents and put it in terms of "you're spending a lot of packaged food...would you like me to cook," I would find undermining the parents' nutritional decisions very insulting. No, I don't feed my kids that way, and no, I don't think it's healthy for the kids to eat that way. But honestly, if my DCP undermined my decisions as a parent that way, I'd be really PO'ed.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
I would be very careful in how you approach the twin's parents. Make it more of a "I'd like to feed all of the kids the same thing, would you mind if I cooked and fed your children the same things I make for dd? And what kinds of foods do your children like so I can plan to include them?"

I always get this "feeling" from these sort of posts - and the way they are worded, like yours OP, just rubs me the wrong way. Even as someone who puts healthy eating as a high priority.










I agree with all these posts. If my DCP approached me and critiqued my way of feeding my kids, I'd be mad. There was a point, not too long ago, during the winter where fresh produce was really expensive where DH was layed off and I was working minimal hours. I had to be really stingy with the fruit and veggies. I could buy a huge case of mac 'n cheese for $3.99. I could get a box of granola bars for 99 cents. If someone had critiqued the food choices of my kids, I would've happily changed it if they paid for the food.


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

Here's an idea: ask if it's ok to switch to lunches prepared and served by you, and raise your fee by a couple dollars a day. Present the idea in the interest of convenience for everyone and so the kids all can eat the same thing.


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## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)

But just because the OP serves her child "healthy foods" doesn't mean the daycare children are going to eat it. If the OP wants to raise her daycare costs and do lunches for all the kids, she needs to be more adaptable to the way the other children eat. Chances are if they eat a standard american diet they aren't going to readily accept chickpeas and olive oil for lunch.


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## YummyYarnAddict (Sep 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
I just started watching 3.5 year old twins and they showed up with a big bag of total junk food! Nasty, cheap mac and cheese w/ 100 ingredients, shrimp flavored top ramen, weird jello fruit bowl things, chocolate pudding snacks, animal crackers with high fructose corn syrup as one of the top ingredients, and tuna and mayo (the only good thing in there). These things are obviously meant to be for lunches, but my 3 y.o dd does not eat this kind of stuff!! She actually wouldn't eat the mac and cheese today "because of the funny taste" (she's used to the good stuff), and I doubt she would eat the other weird snacks either, they would probably just taste nasty to her.
Should I offer the twins the food their mom brought and my dd something else? Should I just not offer the food they brought? My dd is used to stuff like garbanzo beans w/ olive oil and vinegar, lots of veggies, whole grain, sprouted bread, etc.... whole foods. The twins looked a little weirded out when I put out cherry tomatoes and carrot sticks w/ their lunch
wwyd?

If I were to start doing daycare, I would have to provide the food myself, adjust my fee for the difference, and hope that "organic", "healthy", etc. would be selling points.

I think that food and DCPs is a common situation. Our DCP used to moan and make comments because my dd arrived with organic yogurt, oatmeal, fresh fruit, pasta and wraps instead of the usual fare. She felt as though I were somehow insulting her or the food she bought in bulk at SAM'S Club for the kids whose parents paid the extra $5/day for her to provide meals. For me, it was just cheaper to provide my own, and, of course, I wanted my child to have what I served at home. We eventually found a common ground where I would bring in big 10# bags of organic raisins and 20# bags of apples for the kids (and not charge her for it so it was $$ in her pocket) and I would pay the extra on the days where she would order in pizza.

I think it would be a challenge to approach an individual parent and that if it happens once, the chances that it can happen again with other parents is high. I would consider -- if it's at all feasible on your end -- providing the meals and having the parents provide the snacks, or just providing all of the food yourself.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pepper44* 
if she had considered something he was eating was bothering him and she FREAKED out

She was feeling guilty about what she was giving her kid.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *staceychev* 
You know, unless you have a conversation with the parents and put it in terms of "you're spending a lot of packaged food...would you like me to cook," I would find undermining the parents' nutritional decisions very insulting. No, I don't feed my kids that way, and no, I don't think it's healthy for the kids to eat that way. But honestly, if my DCP undermined my decisions as a parent that way, I'd be really PO'ed.

Ditto that.

You could always gently suggest healthier alternatives to the junk too, ie: Annie's mac n' cheese rather than the day-glo orange stuff, fruit canned in it's own juice,

I'll also ditto someone else's sentiment that I wouldn't feed your child the other children's food without asking their parents if sharing is ok.

I've found over the years (I've been a mom for 12 years now) that people are generally more accepting of my parenting practices if I'm not looking down my nose at theirs.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mrsboyko* 
She is probably sending foods she thinks are convenient for you to prepare.

She might be sending foods that she feels she can afford.

OP - do you have any idea what her finances are like? When money is tight, especially if people aren't used to cooking from scratch, boxed mac & cheese, and cheap ramen can be really appealing - they fill the kid up, and they don't cost much.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I think the following three points are worth considering:

1. Why is your kid eating their food?
2. You should prepare for all the children, as that's normal child-care stuff.
3. There is really not a good way to tell their parent(s) that you think this stuff is junk, so the best thing to do would be to offer to cook at a lower cost.

However, there are a couple of other points.

One is that children used to the easy calories and easy taste of starch, syrup and salt may not like healthy food, and you don't want to be sending them home hungry. That could be a challenge.

The second is that while I understand that not everyone can afford real food, that doesn't mean it's some kind of lifestyle choice. It's a health issue. Three meals like that a week would seriously affect a person's palate, and thus food choices, and thus, health. So I don't think it's overreacting to demand decent food.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

I think this is just one of those things that you have to be willing to put up with if you're going to be caring for someone else's child.... You need to do what the parents want done, and if you're not comfortable with that, you need to find different kids.
I'd feed the kids what the parents send, and feed your own child what you want him/her to eat. It may not always be easy, but it comes with the package of providing care with your child in tow, too.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
She was feeling guilty about what she was giving her kid.

Or it is also possible that the mom was feeling attacked and accused by her daycare provider.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
Whenever my kids see other kids eating trash while they have their healthy snack packed, they would whine for those crackers/cookies/chips/etc instead of eating their snack.

Really? Your kids sit around and watch other children eat crackers/cookies/chips/etc from trash cans? That's so sad







I hope you would step in at that point and teach your children some compassion about how not everyone can afford food, etc. Maybe get them helping out in a food bank or homeless shelter or something.










Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygrant* 
But just because the OP serves her child "healthy foods" doesn't mean the daycare children are going to eat it. If the OP wants to raise her daycare costs and do lunches for all the kids, she needs to be more adaptable to the way the other children eat. Chances are if they eat a standard american diet they aren't going to readily accept chickpeas and olive oil for lunch.









: Just because you WANT these daycare kids to eat "your" way, does not mean they will eat what you serve. And, personally, if my kid was coming home from daycare hungry and saying they didn't like what you made- you can be sure I'd start sending food again. No child deserves to go hungry, for any reason.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

thanks for the responses, everyone. Reading my op, I can see why I sounded a little snobby, however, I just had that tone because I figured everyone on this board would see where I was coming from. In truth, I respect the mom a lot for many reasons. Also, I will be the first to admit, I _am_ a bit of a snob about food. My dd, however does get what I consider "junk" food every once in a while. Every weekday is not o.k w/ me though.
To answer some questions:
-I'm not actually a daycare, more like a nanny, the twins are my only charges besides my two kids.
-Originally, I offered to make lunches (because I thought this might happen), and told her, "maybe we can have a conversation about what they eat and you can help me stock up every once in a while".
-When she gave it to me, she said "feel free to share with your dd", and I'm not really keen on the idea of making separate lunches for everyone, especially when I have to feed myself and the baby (soon enough!) too. Plus, my dd will want to try what they have.
-Yes, they are living on a budget (which is why I'm giving them such a deal on care). He works at Macy's, she is a part time special ed teacher.
-The twins so far have devoured the annies rabbit crackers, fresh fruit, veggie sticks, peanut butter on whole grain bread, and fresh lentil soup I have offered them.
_-Here's what I have decided to do:_ -mostly just feed them my own stuff, with a few of their things thrown in perhaps. When the mom asks how my stock of food is, tell her "you know, the dry stuff is really easy for me to stock up on, since I shop at Costco, but what would be really helpful is if you could show up with some fresh fruit or chopped veggies (I would offer to chop as well) every once in a while. " What do you think?

thanks again for responses and please don't flame, I'm not looking down my nose at her, I just don't want junk food to prevail in my house.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
Really? Your kids sit around and watch other children eat crackers/cookies/chips/etc from trash cans? That's so sad







I hope you would step in at that point and teach your children some compassion about how not everyone can afford food, etc. Maybe get them helping out in a food bank or homeless shelter or something.


I'm pretty sure you are sarcastic, but in case not...of course I meant trash food (chips, goldfish, etc) and not eating from trash cans.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
No child deserves to go hungry, for any reason.

I don't think ANY child will go hungry with food around. One-two times, maybe, but definitely not every day. Eventually they WILL eat when hungry and it would be SO good for them to change such unhealthy eating habits.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I don't think ANY child will go hungry with food around. One-two times, maybe, but definitely not every day. Eventually they WILL eat when hungry and it would be SO good for them to change such unhealthy eating habits.









To say that no child will go hungry with food around is a gross misunderstanding. Why not wander over to the special needs forum where we have MANY children who will choose to starve themselves instead of eat what is around. If my child were in your care- yes, I have no doubt he would go hungry every single day. Getting him to even do a "snake test" on a new food is an excruciating process that can take months. Telling him to sit down and eat what you give him.... not going to happen. Not feeding him food that he'll actually eat for an entire day, day after day... IMO should be considered child neglect or abuse.

It must be nice to live in a bubble like that when the reality is that not every child is like yours. Despite my attempts to feed my child "healthy foods", he still has a handful of "trash" foods that he likes. And, you know what, it's what keeps him alive and somewhat growing.


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## Liquesce (Nov 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I don't think ANY child will go hungry with food around. One-two times, maybe, but definitely not every day. Eventually they WILL eat when hungry and it would be SO good for them to change such unhealthy eating habits.

All this really tells me is that you have never experienced a genuinely picky eater.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I'm pretty sure you are sarcastic, but in case not...of course I meant trash food (chips, goldfish, etc) and not eating from trash cans.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic. But the point is still there. Goldfish and chips are not trash. They are foods. Whether you feed them to your children or not are up to you. But they are still food. Trash is what you find in a dumpster or trash can. There is a difference.


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## williamsmommy2002 (Feb 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 







To say that no child will go hungry with food around is a gross misunderstanding. Why not wander over to the special needs forum where we have MANY children who will choose to starve themselves instead of eat what is around. If my child were in your care- yes, I have no doubt he would go hungry every single day. Getting him to even do a "snake test" on a new food is an excruciating process that can take months. Telling him to sit down and eat what you give him.... not going to happen. Not feeding him food that he'll actually eat for an entire day, day after day... IMO should be considered child neglect or abuse.

It must be nice to live in a bubble like that when the reality is that not every child is like yours. Despite my attempts to feed my child "healthy foods", he still has a handful of "trash" foods that he likes. And, you know what, it's what keeps him alive and somewhat growing.











Heck I have 2 food adverse kids who don't even like the same foods for the most part.


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## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

As a teacher myself, unless you have outlined what you mean by healthy food or have policy in place, you would be hard pressed to put a change in at this point. Honestly, this is your issue not the parents. As a daycare provider, I had kids come in eating sweet/sugary cereals. Once in my class, i would ask them to put them in their mailbox because we had a policy that said, "no outside food." We also had a healthy diet policy that stated no candy bars, chips or soda was to brought in for summer camp.

If you get reimbursed for CACFP then you know their idea of "healthy" isn't always healthy. So, I think this is a matter of letting it go for now and for next semester, but something in writing about your healthy food policy.


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## joanna0707 (Jan 2, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HisBeautifulWife* 

Any why is your kid eating their food anyway?









Most kids want the food others are eating, try and stop them









I think the best thing to do will be to make some kind of food policy.
Preschool DS is attending now has "no sugar" policy, which all parents respect.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
She was feeling guilty about what she was giving her kid.

Maybe she felt attacked?

You really need to set a policy down on food. I see in your last post you have some good ideas of how to handle it. But it needs to be concrete. Either you supply the food or she does and that's how it is.

It is hard enough to be a working mom, with a picky kid, leaving your child in care of someone else, without having them constantly judging every choice you make. Sometimes, it's easier to feed your kid mac and cheese when someone else has to make it and get them to eat. Honestly, I'd love if I could feed my kids something so simple, but because of food allergies, I can't. This whole thread is full of judgment when none of us knows why the mother sends food like that. Maybe she's just trying to make life easier on the op. Maybe she has extremely picky kids with issues we have no idea of.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Liquesce* 
All this really tells me is that you have never experienced a genuinely picky eater.

There needs to be a very wide variety of healthy food available but for example, I lived with my in-laws in a very poor country and one of them was very picky to the point that I would have said she must have some issues. She was eleven and ate only broth and yoghurt mixed with honey. Those two foods were both home-made. They could not afford processed foods.

I appreciate that there are some children that will only eat one or two foods of hundreds or even thousands made available, and that these foods are not, say, "superfoods". They will probably be the blandest ones.

But I'm sorry, to insist that your child _needs_ to have his or her food processed in a factory is simply disingenuous. There are plenty of healthy, whole food options for extremely sensitive children, of which a child need eat only one to get like ten times the nutritional benefit available in regular packaged foods (vitamin supplement foods notwithstanding, but that's not what the OP is about).


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## Kinguk (Jun 26, 2008)

I have a huge issue about feeding children junk food. As a result, I've decided that I provide ALL food and then I never have to deal with these issues! I tell the parents from the start that I provide all meals, give them examples of what I serve and that they are welcome to bring food, but anything processed, or low in nutritional value will be sent back home. My last family absolutely LOVED this...however, another family had an issue with this as they didn't believe their daughter would eat healthy food... They found a different home daycare -- which is fine. I find that every parent's idea of "healthy" food is different. If you have a contract between you and the parents then you can write this in as part of your health/nutrition policy.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I don't think ANY child will go hungry with food around. One-two times, maybe, but definitely not every day. Eventually they WILL eat when hungry and it would be SO good for them to change such unhealthy eating habits.

This is SO ignorant!!!

I've got a child that absolutely would not eat ANY food at all - and PediaSure (yep, pretty much processed formula!) is what helped him survive and thrive. No, he would not stick a bite of ANYTHING in that mouth of his, even if he was dying of hunger.

We worked hard and long and got him eating - it took years. YEARS. He's going on 7 now and he eats a pretty good diet of healthy, unprocessed foods.

But you know what? There was a time a few years ago where I would have cried tears of pure joy to see him eat ANYTHING - processed junk included.

I'm far from alone - come over to the special needs forum and repeat what I quoted here. Not all children WILL eat when hungry enough and to suggest otherwise shows just how little you know about sensory issues and truely picky eaters.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
There needs to be a very wide variety of healthy food available but for example, I lived with my in-laws in a very poor country and one of them was very picky to the point that I would have said she must have some issues. She was eleven and ate only broth and yoghurt mixed with honey. Those two foods were both home-made. They could not afford processed foods.

I appreciate that there are some children that will only eat one or two foods of hundreds or even thousands made available, and that these foods are not, say, "superfoods". They will probably be the blandest ones.

But I'm sorry, to insist that your child _needs_ to have his or her food processed in a factory is simply disingenuous. There are plenty of healthy, whole food options for extremely sensitive children, of which a child need eat only one to get like ten times the nutritional benefit available in regular packaged foods (vitamin supplement foods notwithstanding, but that's not what the OP is about).

Ignorance is bliss.


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## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

I've had parents tell me, he/she only eats blah and then once they are in a different environment where everyone was eating the same thing, sureenough they would at least try it. in 5 yrs of doing care giving, most kids didat least try it. I had a few kids with major food aversions, sensitivities and sensory disorders who did not eat (almost all or a lot of what was served).

I know I'm not ignorant, this is from yrs of experience.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aeress* 
I know I'm not ignorant, this is from yrs of experience.

It's from years of experience with CERTAIN KIDS. Just because you've been in childcare for 5 years does NOT mean you've seen or know everything about children. I've been in childcare for 7 years. I have yet to see another child with food issues like my ds (in real life, I know some online). My ds has been in feeding therapy for years. If it were truly an issue of "put him in a different environment and he'll try it", don't you think we would simply do that instead of spending hundreds of dollars every week on therapy? Because, ya know, I'm pretty sure when we put him in daycare (I was working at the same daycare, different room) he starved himself the entire day, every day, until I started bringing in "his" foods for him to eat. Now that he's in Kindergarten he still refuses to eat what the other children have. His teacher has requested I bring in a stock of his snacks because he's not eating what the other kids are and she doesn't want him to go hungry. I also have to make his lunch everyday because he refuses to even look at the school food.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aeress* 
I've had parents tell me, he/she only eats blah and then once they are in a different environment where everyone was eating the same thing, sureenough they would at least try it. in 5 yrs of doing care giving, most kids didat least try it. I had a few kids with major food aversions, sensitivities and sensory disorders who did not eat (almost all or a lot of what was served).

I know I'm not ignorant, this is from yrs of experience.

Well oh my - guess we wasted all that money on feeding therapy then!

I wonder why my child still wouldn't eat when in different environments - Waldorf nursery, traditional preschool - all with kids eating around him and even in Waldorf helping in preparing the food!

Geeze, wish I could have just sent him to your daycare!









Your ignorance and reluctance to even consider that you may not know what you are talking about is really outstanding.


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## leaveit2beeker (Jun 2, 2009)

If the situation were reversed and you were sending your child to daycare with sprouted bread and chickpeas, would you be upset the caregiver wasn't feeding your child what was sent? (For most everyone I know, these food items are pretty foreign...) I think you should keep in mind how you would react before you approach the other parent.

Also, where is the line that you would consider 'healthy' foods? What if they sent a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Would you say something if it were on white bread? Is it still junk food if it's not whole grain bread, natural nut butter, and all fruit preserves? I'm just trying to play devil's advocate, to give you perspective before you possibly ruin a business and personal relationship.

I can honestly say I would be pretty disgusted if another child I was responsible for was eating these kinds of food every day. I mean, I would be responsible for their acute and immediate safety, right? Why wouldn't I be watching out for their long term health and safety? But I would approach it from the standpoint of convenience; that it's really no trouble to make a third and fourth serving of xyz, and have something they WILL eat as a backup plan. If you try to come to the other parent from the angle that you don't agree with what she's feeding them, then you might find yourself without that little extra income.


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## YummyYarnAddict (Sep 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
thanks for the responses, everyone. Reading my op, I can see why I sounded a little snobby, however, I just had that tone because I figured everyone on this board would see where I was coming from. In truth, I respect the mom a lot for many reasons. Also, I will be the first to admit, I _am_ a bit of a snob about food. My dd, however does get what I consider "junk" food every once in a while. Every weekday is not o.k w/ me though.
To answer some questions:
-I'm not actually a daycare, more like a nanny, the twins are my only charges besides my two kids.
-Originally, I offered to make lunches (because I thought this might happen), and told her, "maybe we can have a conversation about what they eat and you can help me stock up every once in a while".
-When she gave it to me, she said "feel free to share with your dd", and I'm not really keen on the idea of making separate lunches for everyone, especially when I have to feed myself and the baby (soon enough!) too. Plus, my dd will want to try what they have.
-Yes, they are living on a budget (which is why I'm giving them such a deal on care). He works at Macy's, she is a part time special ed teacher.
-The twins so far have devoured the annies rabbit crackers, fresh fruit, veggie sticks, peanut butter on whole grain bread, and fresh lentil soup I have offered them.
_-Here's what I have decided to do:_ -*mostly just feed them my own stuff, with a few of their things thrown in perhaps. When the mom asks how my stock of food is, tell her "you know, the dry stuff is really easy for me to stock up on, since I shop at Costco, but what would be really helpful is if you could show up with some fresh fruit or chopped veggies (I would offer to chop as well) every once in a while. " What do you think*?

thanks again for responses and please don't flame, I'm not looking down my nose at her, I just don't want junk food to prevail in my house.

That sounds like a great solution! I remember from packing my dd's lunch for the sitter that it was a challenge to try to pack everything, every day and always making it "just so" to make sure she had balanced snacks and meals, so having it where you provide the dry stuff and the children's mom provides the fruit and veggies so that you have a happy medium seems like a workable situation for both of you.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I've only had one kid in my daycare that truly wouldn't eat what I put in front of him.... BUT he would eat anything that was white. So I started making plates of white food for him...peeled apples, pasta with butter and parmesan, even peeled yellow squash seemed to be white enough for him. Scrambled egg whites were a hit, white cheddar cheese etc. I switched my bread flour from red whole wheat to white whole wheat.... I got him to eat so many things just by being creative. His mom was so greatful. I wasn't even making him separate meals....the other kids got mostly the same food, I just didn't peel their's or make their's appear white for them. We later learned that he has Asperger's.

However, children with true food aversions aren't something you see everyday in a home daycare situatio. The number of children we deal with compared to a center is a pretty small sampling of the population. Under normal circumstances most kids are just picky eaters....and will eventually choose to eat something from their plate when they get hungry enough. It's not fair to say that the providers above would starve these children. That's only likely to happen if the parents aren't communication with the provider that their child has a special need. We're trained by the food program and licensing that it's our job to put healthy food in front of the kids, and it's the child's job to decide wether or not he/she is going to eat it. We're supposed to act nonchallant about it and move on if it's not eaten.

Out of the many picky eaters I've had in care in the past 10 years, only one has truly had an issue that needed to be addressed. The rest just prefered junk, and weren't gong to get it at my house. I go out of my way to make healthy foods toddler friendly too. I make homemade baked chicken nuggets, baked fries (sweet potato fries are a current hit at my house) and I even occasionally make things shaped in silly ways to get a giggle out of the kids and make them want to eat the food. The kids wouldn't touch salmon patties until I renamed them "krabby patties" and put them on a bun. Now they beg for them. They also love hotdogs (uncured ofcourse) cut like octopi and boiled with pasta shells, served in tomato soup (octopus in the red sea soup). Getting creative can be fun and healthy.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Heather, that's so funny. My ds is Aspergers and when he finally started chewing food - lived off things that were colorless/white. So yeah, lots of peeled apples, cucumbers, etc.

He now eats all kinds of foods and actually wont eat bread that's not whole wheat.







But it's been a long road with lots of therapy - and lots of very creative cooking, etc to get him to actually try things and chew them.

My point with the OP is not that her daycare kids are this way - simply that's it's insulting to those of us with SN kids to say kids will eat if hungry enough. That's simply NOT true, and is offensive.

I understand just wanting my kid to take a bite of ANYTHING - even a McDonalds nugget if he would just TRY IT. The OP just comes off as ignorant, judgemental and offensive.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
Out of the many picky eaters I've had in care in the past 10 years, only one has truly had an issue that needed to be addressed. The rest just prefered junk, and weren't gong to get it at my house. I go out of my way to make healthy foods toddler friendly too. I make homemade baked chicken nuggets, baked fries (sweet potato fries are a current hit at my house) and I even occasionally make things shaped in silly ways to get a giggle out of the kids and make them want to eat the food. The kids wouldn't touch salmon patties until I renamed them "krabby patties" and put them on a bun. Now they beg for them. They also love hotdogs (uncured ofcourse) cut like octopi and boiled with pasta shells, served in tomato soup (octopus in the red sea soup). Getting creative can be fun and healthy.

It sounds like a fun place to be come lunchtime







And I agree with you- a lot of the time all it takes is a little creativity and no pressure to get a child to try new foods. But there are times where that just doesn't work. Out of all the foods listed in the above paragraph, my son would eat the baked fries. Maybe. If they were made just right and looked the right way. Sweet potato fries wouldn't get touched. Chicken nuggets, salmon, and hot dogs wouldn't even get touched as he doesn't eat any meat (his choice), though he is offered meat every day. He doesn't eat pasta or soup. Even if he did eat hot dogs, pasta and tomato soup separately- you would have a HUGE meltdown on your hands if you dared mix them together to create a cute meal. Nothing can be touching. Nothing can be mixed. Things have to be cut/prepared a certain way. Trying different shapes can set off a meltdown because things aren't the way he expects them (though this is getting better and I can cut his peanut butter sandwich into different shapes now and he'll usually eat it, but not other foods). I have quite a few cute, kid friendly cookbooks... all of them sit gathering dust.

And yes, he has autism.

I'm not saying it's impossible to get a child to eat healthier foods. But in some cases it is darn near it. Some children only need to be exposed a couple times before they start eating a new food. Some kids can be exposed to that food every day for a year and still not even "snake test" it.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

whoa whoa whoa everyone!!!

I'm sort of feeling like my op got blown waaay out of proportion, and people are putting words in my mouth. First off, these kids do _not_ have special needs. They so far have eaten lots of whatever I have offered, they are _fine_ eaters. Second off, the mom is totally open to me feeding them, she just brought the food as a back up, because I told her I might want her to help me stock up.

I happen to have a cousin with a special needs kid who _literally_ won't eat and lives off pedia sure. So I understand that some kids won't eat. These kids _do_ eat, they do not have special needs.
I'm just asking people to read my solution above and tell me what they think. This is turning into a raging thread about special needs kids and how they eat, I was just asking for advice about these two particular kids.....


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
Ignorance is bliss.

It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

StephandOwen, you mentioned peanut butter. I thought I'd just mention that peanut butter is not recommended for autistic kids. If I remember correctly, it's because it can have mold (if you google it, I'm sure you will find more info). I personally don't know about it, but I do know a couple of mamas with autistic kids who are strictly peanut butter free.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.


Her son, like my son, have autism. (And I happen to know her son personally since it is my nephew. And I'm way happy that he ate the home fries I made him, and licked the homemade coconut milk ice cream. Makes me feel special.







: ).

I do agree that what's not given is not an option. However, my son *has* ended up in the hospital for 4 days because he DID try to starve himself. He even refused junk food. He refused all foods and waters. After he was discharged, he had 6 months of feeding therapy. At 2 months from 6 years old, he's 38 lbs, very thin, and still doesn't eat enough. So yes, some kids will starve themselves...at the time my son was admitted, he was listless, unresponsive, and dehydrated. He had lost 6 lbs (which was almost a sixth of his body weight) in a week. He was.not.going.to.eat.

I do agree that if it's not available, it isn't an option though...we don't do a lot of the processed foods--he has no idea what a pizza roll is, that chicken nuggets and french fries are actually fried foods in many houses, and that donuts aren't really baked. He doesn't know whether he likes multicolored goldfish crackers or soda because he's never had them. I won't give them to him. But, that doesn't mean he'll eat the other stuff...except some baked breaded cod that he called a "giant fish stick"...apparently that's ok because it's a "stick" (he will eat things in stick form but won't eat the same stuff in non-stick form...go figure).







: I subscribe to the notion that for feeding aversion children, it's important to make every calorie count...whatever you can get in them has to pack as many nutrients as possible because that might be ALL they eat that week. We also eat gluten/dairy/egg (except for him...he gets hardboiled eggs a couple times a week)/nut/transfat/hfcs free. So, he doesn't really have an option for most of the junk food.

About evolutionary traits...you're right--many children with severe food aversions likely wouldn't have survived 100 years ago. Thank goodness today there are ways to keep them alive even if they don't want to eat organic/vegan/whole foods/whatever. We actually had a hard time with feeding therapy because she kept trying to feed him yogurts with HFCS, puddings, fried foods, etc. We finally had to tell her that he won't be getting that stuff at home, so please try to help him eat the foods he WILL be offered. But had he continued his starvation diet, I don't care if it was a 20 gallon drum of McDonalds french fries...I would have given it to him over the other option (nearly dying of starvation and requiring days of IV therapy. Or the other option--the "force feeding" program at our children's hospital where they admit the kids, stick them on IVs, make the parents leave, and literally force the food in the child's mouth with them in restraints so they can't fight back. And I am not fricken joking on that one--THAT was the other therapy option we had for kids with "severe behavior-based food refusal" like my kid had. I'd let him drink a gallon of cooking oil before I let them do that to my kid.)

Food aversions are hard. It's a daily struggle for us. We have a child who "fails" every well child checkup because he shows signs of malnourishment and anemia. Neither the OT, feeding therapist, or psychologist can make him eat. All we can do is offer him healthy stuff and hope he eats it... :sigh:

Anyhow... OP...I don't see anything wrong with asking parents to bring in fresh fruits & veggies. Maybe offer to take the kids on a field trip to a you-pick farm (invite the parents too if you'd like) and have them pick their own fruits & veggies...my own son even gets excited to eat things he picked himself.

Yulia...whoa, that's crazy! I didn't know that! My son has autism plus mold & peanut allergies...that all makes sense now!


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
Heather, that's so funny. My ds is Aspergers and when he finally started chewing food - lived off things that were colorless/white. So yeah, lots of peeled apples, cucumbers, etc.

He now eats all kinds of foods and actually wont eat bread that's not whole wheat.







But it's been a long road with lots of therapy - and lots of very creative cooking, etc to get him to actually try things and chew them.

My point with the OP is not that her daycare kids are this way - simply that's it's insulting to those of us with SN kids to say kids will eat if hungry enough. That's simply NOT true, and is offensive.

I understand just wanting my kid to take a bite of ANYTHING - even a McDonalds nugget if he would just TRY IT. The OP just comes off as ignorant, judgemental and offensive.









But it's unfair to all children to suggest that we frame the debate around 1 - 5% of the population.

It's also unfair to suggest that the only people who can make creamy white foods are factories.

My child goes days eating only soft dairy. As I mentioned, I knew a child in a poor country who at ELEVEN ate only soft stirred yoghurt and broth.

But it was homemade, there was no saccharine, and no MSG, you know?

I just don't see how it's insulting to suggest that with most kids, they will eat when they're hungry, and with the remaining, it is possible to make them relatively nutritious foods that they can eat, even if that's yoghurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.

First I never said my child ONLY eats processed foods. It is PART of what he eats. When your child is not getting enough calories, fats, vitamins, etc on a DAILY BASIS (I'm not just talking about having a bad day and not eating much, I'm talking about day after day after day for years)- you get to the point where you will feed that child ANYTHING to get an extra couple calories in them. One of my ds's favorite foods (and has been since he was 1) is Cheez-it crackers. Are there healthier versions available? You bet. Have we tried them? Yup. Has he eaten them? Not a chance. But if you look past the "trash" part of them you would see that they have 150 calories, 3g protein, 2% vit A, 4% calcium and 6% iron per serving. Is it the BEST way to get that nutrition? H*ll no! But does it get him *some* calories, vit A, calcium and iron? Yup. The fruit/nutrigrain bars mentioned previously in the thread is another food he will sometimes eat. It has HFCS and that sucks. It's not the most nutritious food around. But it has 130 calories, 2g protein, 15% vit A, 20% calcium, 10% iron and numerous other nutrients in it. Again, it's not the BEST way to get that nutrition, but if it's either that or let him starve while staring at a plate of food he won't eat....

H*ll, even M&M's have calories, protein, calcium and iron in them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
StephandOwen, you mentioned peanut butter. I thought I'd just mention that peanut butter is not recommended for autistic kids. If I remember correctly, it's because it can have mold (if you google it, I'm sure you will find more info). I personally don't know about it, but I do know a couple of mamas with autistic kids who are strictly peanut butter free.

Wow, I didn't know that. Will have to go looking into it now. Unfortunately, peanut butter is pretty much the main source of protein for him so I can't cut it out. He doesn't eat any meat or beans or anything like that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllyRae* 
About evolutionary traits...you're right--many children with severe food aversions likely wouldn't have survived 100 years ago. Thank goodness today there are ways to keep them alive even if they don't want to eat organic/vegan/whole foods/whatever.









Many years ago we also locked them up and forgot about them, calling them "crazy". Thank G*d we've learned to be a little bit more tolerant. Or, at least, some of us have.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I just don't see how it's insulting to suggest that with most kids, they will eat when they're hungry, and with the remaining, it is possible to make them relatively nutritious foods that they can eat, even if that's yoghurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil.

I would pay to have you come to my house and cook what you think my son should be eating AND get him to eat it. If you can accomplish that feat I would give you anything and everything I own. Actually, just get him to eat "yogurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil". You don't seem to get that IT IS NOT THAT EASY! If it were, do you really think he'd be in feeding therapy? He will eat 1 yogurt. 1 brand, 1 flavor. And, unfortunately, it is one with HFCS in it. Do I wish he would try other (non HFCS) yogurts? You bet. Have I tried to get him to? More than you can imagine. But yogurt with HFCS in it is better than no yogurt at all.

Until you've had to sit in a doctors office (more than once I might add) with your child being told he's in danger of DYING because he's not eating enough and having to make the agonizing decision on whether to have a feeding tube inserted- please do not try to dumb it down into a "if you take the junk away and only offer healthy foods he'll eat". You have no idea.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
But it's unfair to all children to suggest that we frame the debate around 1 - 5% of the population.

It's also unfair to suggest that the only people who can make creamy white foods are factories.

My child goes days eating only soft dairy. As I mentioned, I knew a child in a poor country who at ELEVEN ate only soft stirred yoghurt and broth.

But it was homemade, there was no saccharine, and no MSG, you know?

I just don't see how it's insulting to suggest that with most kids, they will eat when they're hungry, and with the remaining, it is possible to make them relatively nutritious foods that they can eat, even if that's yoghurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil.

Where did you get that I said white creamy foods were only made in factories? Or that they had to be processed??


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## lil_earthmomma (Dec 29, 2006)

Wow, I can't believe all of the harsh judgements being tossed around.

Mamas who feed their children Cheez-its, mac and cheese, fruit cups etc love their children just as much as the sprouted grain chick pea sugar free Mamas, and I think on MDC we can get a little carried away thinking we have the best ONLY way to parent.









I am an adult with no "special needs" that I know of... but I starved myself at the age of 5 for a week and a half because my mother was councilled (by her doctor) to continue offering only the foods she was feeding the family (macrobiotic diet from scratch, no "trash" foods.







) I had to be put on an IV because I refused to eat ANYTHING. For years I ate fruit, cucumber, tomatoes, kraft mac and cheese, raman, cheese, cheez wiz (ew), butter toast, ham and cheese pizza, hotdogs, ham, frenchfries. I gagged every time I tried a food outside of this list. I tried so SO hard to eat new foods. Who knows why I couldn't get past the taste. Over sensitive palate? Over sensitive olfactory glands? I don't know, but I do know that I kept trying new things and gagging, until one day when I was about 21, suddenly I wasn't gagging any more!

I just thought I'd share, as I'm not autistic, or sensory disordered, or anything like that. Just one of those "picky kids". My mom just clapped her hands in glee if I ingested anything in a day, and had to break down and try "trash" foods even though her home had been processed food free since before I was born. So it's not like she didn't try it her way first. When your baby is starving, you will feed them anything.


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## MissMaegie'sMama (Jul 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
She was feeling guilty about what she was giving her kid.

Really? I think she felt JUDGED.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

I think the key issue is not always WHAT the kid is eating. For me it's more important how the child is feeling. This was the problem I had with my childcare baby eating only junk food--he was obviously having digestive issues that were making him cry in misery. If he had just been eating junk but happy as a clam, then I would have been able to over look it.

The same thing applies to mamas with special needs children or picky kids. If the child is happy and over all healthy (and eating something and not nothing), then it shouldn't be a huge deal. I don't see any reason to judge those families.

Of course healthy eating is very important, and some families don't eat healthy because they don't know better. It's harsh to act as if they are inferior. Most people want to do what's best for their child. I don't think some of the things named here are "trash" foods. Goldfish crackers are not that bad, for example, when eaten along with a healthy diet of mainly whole foods.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissMaegie'sMama* 
Really? I think she felt JUDGED.

Um no, I really don't think so. I pointed out to her how he had terrible gas and foul poop and suggested maybe he was reacting to something he was eating. I suggested dairy or wheat...not processed foods.


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## Klynne (Jan 1, 2007)

OP, from one food snob to another







, I have the same problem. I think your solution sounds great and I'm going to copy it with kid I nanny (a family members kid). I will be providing the mom with a list of lunches for the week, just so she knows what going on with the food. She (the mom) was really positive about that aspect


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## MissMaegie'sMama (Jul 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pepper44* 
Um no, I really don't think so. I pointed out to her how he had terrible gas and foul poop and suggested maybe he was reacting to something he was eating. I suggested dairy or wheat...not processed foods.

Doesn't matter. Having another person suggest that their child has a food sensitivity or digestive issue can still smack of judgmentalism to many parents. Reading between the lines, I could imagine she felt that you were suggesting that she's not feeding her kid the "right" food because if she were, he wouldn't be having the gas and poop issues. You didn't have to say that you really thought it was probably processed food causing the digestive issues- just suggesting that she's allowing him to eat anything that gives him foul gas and poop could be enough to make her defenses pop up. Further, I think that just pointing out to a parent that their child has "foul gas and poop" could be offensive to some people.


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## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

MistyMama- You did not even hear what I said. I said most children would at least try it. I also made a point of mentioning that I have seen some children who did not. If a child said no, that was it, the answer was no.
I also didn't say I was some strange cure all.

Why are you attacking me for giving my experience?

I am done with the conversation since you aren't even listening.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissMaegie'sMama* 
Doesn't matter. Having another person suggest that their child has a food sensitivity or digestive issue can still smack of judgmentalism to many parents. Reading between the lines, I could imagine she felt that you were suggesting that she's not feeding her kid the "right" food because if she were, he wouldn't be having the gas and poop issues. You didn't have to say that you really thought it was probably processed food causing the digestive issues- just suggesting that she's allowing him to eat anything that gives him foul gas and poop could be enough to make her defenses pop up. Further, I think that just pointing out to a parent that their child has "foul gas and poop" could be offensive to some people.

Would you not want to know, as a parent, if your child was crying almost all day long in pain and having terrible gas and explosive poop with whole pieces of food in it?


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## Liquesce (Nov 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
There needs to be a very wide variety of healthy food available but for example, I lived with my in-laws in a very poor country and one of them was very picky to the point that I would have said she must have some issues. She was eleven and ate only broth and yoghurt mixed with honey. Those two foods were both home-made. They could not afford processed foods.

I appreciate that there are some children that will only eat one or two foods of hundreds or even thousands made available, and that these foods are not, say, "superfoods". They will probably be the blandest ones.

But I'm sorry, to insist that your child _needs_ to have his or her food processed in a factory is simply disingenuous. There are plenty of healthy, whole food options for extremely sensitive children, of which a child need eat only one to get like ten times the nutritional benefit available in regular packaged foods (vitamin supplement foods notwithstanding, but that's not what the OP is about).

Some kids are very genuinely willing to starve. Completely willing. And when faced with just such a child, there is no parent on the face of this earth who would sensibly limit the foods they try to those which meet an _ideological_ standard. If you can't afford something, then you can't afford it ... sometimes that means all you _can_ afford is to watch you child's health suffer the effects of inadequate nutrition though. You know my religion ... if it came down to it that the only thing that was going to keep my son out of the hospital was a pork chop per day, that's what he'd have been getting. Knowing the culture of my religion on that, you know exactly how serious a statement that is. Can you imagine, then, that I might have looked at my starving baby and thought, "well, I know there's this food available that we haven't tried yet ... but it has corn syrup, so no go"?

I'm sorry, but casting judgments on parenting choices that favor regular goldfish crackers over all-natural organic homemade goldfish is ordinarily wrong, and I would personally argue senseless, but extending those judgments to people making choices in the face of serious, imminent health risks to their child from inadequate caloric intake is just extremely disturbing. Bottom line: not your situation, not your call to make on what is and is not feasible.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aeress* 
MistyMama- You did not even hear what I said. I said most children would at least try it. I also made a point of mentioning that I have seen some children who did not. If a child said no, that was it, the answer was no.
I also didn't say I was some strange cure all.

Why are you attacking me for giving my experience?

I am done with the conversation since you aren't even listening.

What was your point in sharing your experience if not to show you believe *most* kids will try food if in a different environment? Did you have some other point in sharing that? Because yes, I fully understood that you said most children would try it.

And I'm simply pointing out (as have others here) that yeah, most kids would try it. But not all will, and you really need to be careful about judging - for example - when my ds was not eating anything, he didn't have a diagnosis yet. Aside from the food issues (and some other social stuff, but pretty minor) he seemed like a pretty normal guy without any special needs. His diagnosis actually didn't come until this past summer, years later.









That was my only point - don't be so quick to judge, or to think you know the answers. And yeah, those of us who have lived through the pure hell that is having a child who WILL starve themselves can get upset any statement close to "they will eventually eat".

Sorry to upset you - wasn't my intention.


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## dillonandmarasmom (May 30, 2005)

Sorry if I am repeating another poster, but, I have always offered foods-- snacks, lunches, etc--as a benefit to using my in-home childcare. i don't buy HFCS, processed foods (not organic, even), or juice, so the kids get what i make or have on hand. Makes life much easier!


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## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

Misty- I am not judging- I am sorry you feel judged. Most doesn't mean all. *shrugs* As I said, I know some children won't. And yes, considering the OP is doing childcare, I thought my experience working in childcare might be helpful to her situation. Yes, I have heard therapists recommend daycare as for kids with food aversions and I personally don't get it.

I am happy to share my opinion but apparently it isn't valid because I said "most". I really don't get how I am judging a parent. If a parent told me a child didn't eat something, it isn't as if I snuck the food to them to try to get them to eat. We were required by CACFP to serve on veggie, one fruit, one protein and one grain at lunch. The child didn't have to even try it but we had to serve it. I know some children would be upset by having certain foods on their plate so we would have had to work with the parent on the issue (cacfp issue) so that we weren't out of compliance. *shrugs* I think it is time to leave this thread.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.

The only "not from a factory" foods that my not-quite-4 year old, absolutely neurotypical son will eat are bananas, milk, muffins, cake, cookies and white rice. Otherwise he likes cheese, chicken nuggets, dry cereal, seasoned ground beef, pre-stirred fruit flavored yogurt, granola bars, pretzels and noodles.

This kid has gone an entire day with my MIL without eating a bite.


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## williamsmommy2002 (Feb 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.


I am sorry this is very ignorant. I never thought that Steph or any of us spoke of only factory made foods for a moment. In fact from reading post from her I know that is not true. My 2 kids have food aversions. My youngest will mostly just eat (white) bread products, cheese and yogurt. He won't go near a vegetable or fruit. My oldest won't really eat white bread(must be whole wheat) and doesn't like dairy outside of cheese. He does love apples and grapes and for a while his only foods were potatoes, broccoli, beans and rice. He does prefer processed foods though. His special needs preschool teacher was even surprised by his food issues. However he also won't eat a lot of sweets due to the same aversions. Both kids have gone long periods without food because there was nothing acceptable. They are also both thin and on the lower end of the weight charts. My almost 7 year old 2nd grader who is of normal height barely weighs enough to change to a booster seat. He's my good eater. And yes there have been times when we have decided that calories and a little nutrition were the better way to go instead of self imposed starvation.


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## pampered_mom (Mar 27, 2006)

Wow, this thread has veered waaaaay off the OPs question at hand. I can understand one's own frustrations when dealing with what they feel to be judgment on their parenting choices with their children (or the realities they are faced with as a result of a number of situations with their children), but I *seriously* think you're reading a whole lot into the OPs post.

There's a number of accusations on the part of posters that the OP is "judging" the parents of the children she is caring for. I understand that posts often strike a chord within us due to our own situation, but why do responses always have to be as if it were a personal affront on us. IMO it isn't any better or more justified than the original accusation that the OP or any other poster was "judging" the parents.

OP - I think the thoughts you came up with are a fantastic idea. Even if you did increase your fee slightly it might be even more cost effective for the parents than sending food along for you (the whole buying in quantity thing). Plus, I would suspect that providing a large bag of apples or carrots may very well be similar in cost to the other goods.

If the kids aren't used to the kinds of foods you serve presentation may very well be key. For average children it won't solve every issue, but it will likely go a long way.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pampered_mom* 
Wow, this thread has veered waaaaay off the OPs question at hand. I can understand one's own frustrations when dealing with what they feel to be judgment on their parenting choices with their children (or the realities they are faced with as a result of a number of situations with their children), but I *seriously* think you're reading a whole lot into the OPs post.

I can only speak for myself when I say that it wasn't necessarily the OP that put a bad taste in my mouth. It wasn't exactly my cup of tea, but it wasn't insulting to me. However, it quickly got there with posts such as this...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
Whenever my kids see other kids eating trash while they have their healthy snack packed, they would whine for those crackers/cookies/chips/etc instead of eating their snack.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I don't think ANY child will go hungry with food around. One-two times, maybe, but definitely not every day. Eventually they WILL eat when hungry and it would be SO good for them to change such unhealthy eating habits.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
But I'm sorry, to insist that your child _needs_ to have his or her food processed in a factory is simply disingenuous. There are plenty of healthy, whole food options for extremely sensitive children, of which a child need eat only one to get like ten times the nutritional benefit available in regular packaged foods (vitamin supplement foods notwithstanding, but that's not what the OP is about).


Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.

And so on and so on...

I think the OP has a good idea to offer to make all the kids lunches and have the parents bring in fresh fruit AS LONG AS she has an understanding that the kiddos NEED to eat and if they won't eat *her* food, they have to eat something.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

I've already said over and over that these kids are good eaters. They both inhaled a pb and j on whole wheat and peach and apple slices today. no problem there.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pampered_mom* 
Wow, this thread has veered waaaaay off the OPs question at hand. I can understand one's own frustrations when dealing with what they feel to be judgment on their parenting choices with their children (or the realities they are faced with as a result of a number of situations with their children), but I *seriously* think you're reading a whole lot into the OPs post.

There's a number of accusations on the part of posters that the OP is "judging" the parents of the children she is caring for. I understand that posts often strike a chord within us due to our own situation, but why do responses always have to be as if it were a personal affront on us. IMO it isn't any better or more justified than the original accusation that the OP or any other poster was "judging" the parents.

OP - I think the thoughts you came up with are a fantastic idea. Even if you did increase your fee slightly it might be even more cost effective for the parents than sending food along for you (the whole buying in quantity thing). Plus, I would suspect that providing a large bag of apples or carrots may very well be similar in cost to the other goods.

If the kids aren't used to the kinds of foods you serve presentation may very well be key. For average children it won't solve every issue, but it will likely go a long way.

I gave the OP advise way back on how I think she should deal with the issue she posted about. Going off topic was a result of other messages, not the OP.

OP, glad to hear the kids are eating your food well and the problem is solved! So I'm guessing the talk with their parents went well? Good news!


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

I'm not going to talk with the mom until she asks "How is your stock of lunch food?", and I'm then going to tell her "I'm good with dry stuff, I shop at Costco, what I could really use help with is some fresh stuff. Do you think you could provide some fruit or a bag of organic carrots?"


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## pampered_mom (Mar 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
I can only speak for myself when I say that it wasn't necessarily the OP that put a bad taste in my mouth. It wasn't exactly my cup of tea, but it wasn't insulting to me. However, it quickly got there with posts such as this...

I get that given what you've known and experienced statements like that might be tough to see, but I also think it's important to be able to disagree without lobbing the "judgment" card everywhere we go. Perhaps I've been on MDC too long or been away from threads like this a bit, but given the fact that many members face being the "odd" one IRL I have a hard time understanding why here of all places can't be different. Why can't we give others the benefit of the doubt? Why must it always be so personal?


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

I think that there is some guilt in the air and this is what blew this simple question/vent out of proportion. We all do the best we can and that it all there is to it. I personally do not think there was anything offensive in the original post. OP, I'm very happy you are helping those girls to get more balanced diet. You are a godsend for them! Imagine the poor things instead ending up somewhere where they were actually FED all the gold fish and other packaged food provided by their parents....


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I think that there is some guilt in the air and this is what blew this simple question/vent out of proportion. We all do the best we can and that it all there is to it. I personally do not think there was anything offensive in the original post. OP, I'm very happy you are helping those girls to get more balanced diet. You are a godsend for them! Imagine the poor things instead ending up somewhere where they were actually FED all the gold fish and other packaged food provided by their parents....


I don't think it's guilt so much as offense taken from posts like yours. You have absolutely no idea what these children eat away from the op's house.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

to the mom's credit, the girls did show up one day with home made sushi (made w/ spam, but still!), and I saw their brother eating an apple so I know they don't eat all junk. Goldfish crackers I would have understood more, it was mostly the shrimp flavored ramen, sugar free pudding cups and sugar free weird jello cup things that threw me off. Oh, and the hfcs cookies.....


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
I don't think it's guilt so much as offense taken from posts like yours. You have absolutely no idea what these children eat away from the op's house.

No I don't know and I am not jumping to conclusions. But I did say that many preschools/daycares in our area DO have no junk food policies. My kids go to two different schools and both send parents papers AND emails (in the beggining of the school year) about school rules and both had "no junk food, please" (in this exact words) written in RED capital letters. I talked to few neighbors whose kids go to other privet schools and they had the same experience. It never even occur to anyone I know to take it the wrong way. Really. "no junk food at school/daycare" that it just ALL there is to this statement, without any conclusions about their diet the rest of the day.


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## Amandamanda (Sep 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
to the mom's credit, the girls did show up one day with home made sushi (made w/ spam, but still!), and I saw their brother eating an apple so I know they don't eat all junk. Goldfish crackers I would have understood more, it was mostly the shrimp flavored ramen, sugar free pudding cups and sugar free weird jello cup things that threw me off. Oh, and the hfcs cookies.....

you know, some people dont realize how bad artificial sweetners are.
you always hear about how "you shouldnt give kids too much sugar, etc. etc."
so maybe she thought sugar-free WAS being healthy.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amandamanda* 
you know, some people dont realize how bad artificial sweetners are.









artificial sweetners are worse than sugar...MUCH worse.

Sugar free can also mean sweatened with stuff like xylitol or stelvia (or even honey) though.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
No I don't know and I am not jumping to conclusions. But I did say that many preschools/daycares in our area DO have no junk food policies. My kids go to two different schools and both send parents papers AND emails (in the beggining of the school year) about school rules and both had "no junk food, please" (in this exact words) written in RED capital letters. I talked to few neighbors whose kids go to other privet schools and they had the same experience. It never even occur to anyone I know to take it the wrong way. Really. "no junk food at school/daycare" that it just ALL there is to this statement, without any conclusions about their diet the rest of the day.

The thing that gets tricky about this is that people have very different opinions on what is considered junk vs. healthy.

When ds went to Waldorf - it was pretty simple - we all agreed there that healthy was fruits, veggies, whole grain breads, minimal sugar, etc.

But now in mainstream school? Woah. Some people honestly think that some of the yuckiest stuff is "healthy" - like those jello cups with fruit in them, fruit roll ups, etc. The teacher keeps sending home notes to please only bring HEALTHY snacks to school - but I really wonder how you enforce it, kwim? I'm sure there are parents out there that think the HFCS with red dye yogurt is a healthy option.

And regarding the "guilt" thing - I'm one poster who took offense to some posts here. No guilt at all - my son eats a diet that I consider to be very healthy. I'm not sure what guilt really has to do with it at all - it had much more to do with the ignorance of people stating that kids WILL eat if hungry enough - and several of us pointed out that is not always true. That's all.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
The thing that gets tricky about this is that people have very different opinions on what is considered junk vs. healthy.

When ds went to Waldorf - it was pretty simple - we all agreed there that healthy was fruits, veggies, whole grain breads, minimal sugar, etc.

But now in mainstream school? Woah. Some people honestly think that some of the yuckiest stuff is "healthy" - like those jello cups with fruit in them, fruit roll ups, etc. The teacher keeps sending home notes to please only bring HEALTHY snacks to school - but I really wonder how you enforce it, kwim? I'm sure there are parents out there that think the HFCS with red dye yogurt is a healthy option.


Good point. Perhaps I'm just kind of in a Boulder area "crunchy bubble", but it's different in other areas. Here usually even if a family eats unhealthy at least they are aware of the fact (not that it makes a difference, but still)


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

First off, spam and sushi should never be in the same sentence...







: I have to give them credit though...that sounds awfully creative. LOL!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I think that there is some guilt in the air and this is what blew this simple question/vent out of proportion. We all do the best we can and that it all there is to it. I personally do not think there was anything offensive in the original post. OP, I'm very happy you are helping those girls to get more balanced diet. You are a godsend for them! Imagine the poor things instead ending up somewhere where they were actually FED all the gold fish and other packaged food provided by their parents....


Uh, yeah, not quite sure it's guilt when your last sentence calls kids who eat goldfished and packaged food "poor kids". Yeah, "poor fed loved children whose parents might be busy and grab something a little convenient". Poor deprived souls.

Honestly, that reeks of judgement. I don't like goldfish crackers, but they are better than potato chips and candy and are lightyears better than the parents who can't even afford those for their kids so the kids go hungry. And not every packaged food is evil...

I suspect that the "poor things" would have grown up perfectly healthy and fine even if they ate some goldfish crackers with their lunch. Heck, we eat almost all organic, and we eat df/ef/gf/hfcf-f/tf-f and my in our family, I have a bone marrow condition, my son has autism and FTT issues, middle daughter is on the spectrum as well, and we have more confirmed food allergies than one would like to keep track of. Oh yeah, and 2 of them were breastfed too (OMG, the horror...you mean multiple severe food allergies, FTT, and autism can happen even when kids are fed the healthiest food known to man instead of the alternative?) Yet there are "poor neglected unloved little kids" who eat goldfish crackers and turn out appropriately sized athletes with no chronic health issues at all. How about not adding "poor things" in front of kids who likely are very much loved and cared for?

But hey, it's all about the guilt, eh? It can't possibly be because statements like that are judgemental and offensive right?

And I don't even feed my kids those. But I've seen children who have REALLY been neglected. I've seen kids who REALLY are "poor things". Starving, malnourished, unhealthy children who have nothing to eat. Who are neglected, starving, and nutrient deprived. I hardly think these daycare kids fit that criteria. Heck, I even know kids who, instead of being given goldfish crackers, they are given soda and candy.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllyRae* 
First off, spam and sushi should never be in the same sentence...







: I have to give them credit though...that sounds awfully creative. LOL!

Uh, yeah, not quite sure it's guilt when your last sentence calls kids who eat goldfished and packaged food "poor kids". Yeah, "poor fed loved children whose parents might be busy and grab something a little convenient". Poor deprived souls.

Honestly, that reeks of judgement. I don't like goldfish crackers, but they are better than potato chips and candy and are lightyears better than the parents who can't even afford those for their kids so the kids go hungry. And not every packaged food is evil...

I suspect that the "poor things" would have grown up perfectly healthy and fine even if they ate some goldfish crackers with their lunch. Heck, we eat almost all organic, and we eat df/ef/gf/hfcf-f/tf-f and my in our family, I have a bone marrow condition, my son has autism and FTT issues, middle daughter is on the spectrum as well, and we have more confirmed food allergies than one would like to keep track of. Oh yeah, and 2 of them were breastfed too (OMG, the horror...you mean multiple severe food allergies, FTT, and autism can happen even when kids are fed the healthiest food known to man instead of the alternative?) Yet there are "poor neglected unloved little kids" who eat goldfish crackers and turn out appropriately sized athletes with no chronic health issues at all. How about not adding "poor things" in front of kids who likely are very much loved and cared for?

But hey, it's all about the guilt, eh? It can't possibly be because statements like that are judgemental and offensive right?

And I don't even feed my kids those. But I've seen children who have REALLY been neglected. I've seen kids who REALLY are "poor things". Starving, malnourished, unhealthy children who have nothing to eat. Who are neglected, starving, and nutrient deprived. I hardly think these daycare kids fit that criteria. Heck, I even know kids who, instead of being given goldfish crackers, they are given soda and candy.

There is so much anger in your post.

I'm so sorry your family has to deal with so many health conditions







. Life is so unfair sometimes. You are doing everything you can to help your kids to reach 100% of their own health potential and that is what matters.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I think that there is some guilt in the air and this is what blew this simple question/vent out of proportion. We all do the best we can and that it all there is to it. I personally do not think there was anything offensive in the original post. OP, I'm very happy you are helping those girls to get more balanced diet. You are a godsend for them! Imagine the poor things instead ending up somewhere where they were actually FED all the gold fish and other packaged food provided by their parents....

Why would a parent have any reason to feel guilty for making sure that their child was eating enough food to sustain him, even if that diet was less than crunchy? Would it be better to serve that child an ideal diet and slowly watch them starve to death?

As for your last statement, I'm not sure how to respond ecept to say that I find it offensive to insinuate that all children who are fed goldfish crackers by their parents are better off in a more natural home.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
Why would a parent have any reason to feel guilty for making sure that their child was eating enough food to sustain him, even if that diet was less than crunchy?

I am not sure why, but I guess the reason would be similar to one that makes parents become very defensive when one, for example, posts about harm of circumcision or questions vaccines on a mainstream forum. I posted few times in a very polite manner and yet was immediately called all bad words that possibly exist. I guess, deep in their heart they know that it is just not the child's best interest.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllyRae* 
First off, spam and sushi should never be in the same sentence...







: I have to give them credit though...that sounds awfully creative. LOL!

Uh, yeah, not quite sure it's guilt when your last sentence calls kids who eat goldfished and packaged food "poor kids". Yeah, "poor fed loved children whose parents might be busy and grab something a little convenient". Poor deprived souls.

Honestly, that reeks of judgement. I don't like goldfish crackers, but they are better than potato chips and candy and are lightyears better than the parents who can't even afford those for their kids so the kids go hungry. And not every packaged food is evil...

I suspect that the "poor things" would have grown up perfectly healthy and fine even if they ate some goldfish crackers with their lunch. Heck, we eat almost all organic, and we eat df/ef/gf/hfcf-f/tf-f and my in our family, I have a bone marrow condition, my son has autism and FTT issues, middle daughter is on the spectrum as well, and we have more confirmed food allergies than one would like to keep track of. Oh yeah, and 2 of them were breastfed too (OMG, the horror...you mean multiple severe food allergies, FTT, and autism can happen even when kids are fed the healthiest food known to man instead of the alternative?) Yet there are "poor neglected unloved little kids" who eat goldfish crackers and turn out appropriately sized athletes with no chronic health issues at all. How about not adding "poor things" in front of kids who likely are very much loved and cared for?

But hey, it's all about the guilt, eh? It can't possibly be because statements like that are judgemental and offensive right?

And I don't even feed my kids those. But I've seen children who have REALLY been neglected. I've seen kids who REALLY are "poor things". Starving, malnourished, unhealthy children who have nothing to eat. Who are neglected, starving, and nutrient deprived. I hardly think these daycare kids fit that criteria. Heck, I even know kids who, instead of being given goldfish crackers, they are given soda and candy.


I tried posting basically the same thing and couldn't get it out without sounding awful, so thank you for that post.

For our family, we eat really well. We also have food allergies, have kids in daycare/school, have parents who work or go to school full time. So yeah, sometimes my kids eat packaged stuff. Because their parents are exhausted. And trust me, we've been judged because of that. It just sucks to do the absolute best you can, then feed your kid something some one else labels "trash" and be judged that harshly over it.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I am not sure why, but I guess the reason would be similar to one that makes parents become very defensive when one, for example, posts about harm of circumcision or questions vaccines on a mainstream forum. I posted few times in a very polite manner and yet was immediately called all bad words that possibly exist. I guess, deep in their heart they know that it is just not the child's best interest.

You may have worded your posts politely but the meaning behind your words was clear to many here. Just because a person is defensive does NOT mean that they believe their actions are wrong. Chances are it is more a case of feeling attacked by someone who has most obviously never been in their difficult position and has no clue what their life is like. Are you honestly saying that even though the moms who have posted here about how their children will simply not eat anything placed in front of them that deep down inside they know that they are not acting in the best interest of their child?

My personal opinion is that I have NO RIGHT to judge another person unless I have experienced his/her situation firsthand.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
Are you honestly saying that even though the moms who have posted here about how their children will simply not eat anything placed in front of them that deep down inside they know that they are not acting in the best interest of their child?

No, I am not talking about special needs kids by any means. My dh's cousin's son has autism and I personally witnessed how he refused to eat a pancake because it was not all the same color. Or he would only eat a specific kind of pasta with no salt, no butter and goldfish. So, no I am not talking about kids like that.

As far as kids without special needs, I believe that it is possible to slowly change/improve their eating habits, it just requires a lot of work.

While I do feel bad for kids who I see day after day eating tons of crackers, cookies, chips, chocolate bar, I don't really judge. My problem with them is different: other kids whose mamas take the extra mile to cook them fresh nutritious meals would whine and bag for those (mostly because of a pretty packaging) instead of eating their regular meal (that they normally eat and like). This is just really not fair for those moms. I know that some of them are SAHMs, but others are working (I'm one of them) and are just as exausted and yet they still do take that extra mile.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
There is so much anger in your post.

I'm so sorry your family has to deal with so many health conditions







. Life is so unfair sometimes. You are doing everything you can to help your kids to reach 100% of their own health potential and that is what matters.

It's not anger. It's confusion at how someone can honestly look at a child who is otherwise loved and cared for and think "poor kid" because they eat goldfish crackers or something that came in a box and not get that people might be offended at how judgemental that sounds. Just as much as it would be if someone saw a kid who had never had an ice cream cone and thought "poor deprived child". It's confusion over why something like a baked cracker can cause people to cast such judgement onto another person, making statements that imply that the kid is neglected or less loved than someone who gets fresh made tahini for lunch. The "poor kids" just seemed so out of line... And like I said, this is from someone who doesn't even feed their kids that...


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

And just something else to think about...I spend *hours* in the kitchen every evening making homemade breads, muffins, granola, etc. plus I cook all of our meals from scratch out of necessity--too many food allergies for many processed foods, plus it's expensive enough just cooking what we can eat without adding in premade stuff. And because I spend the day playing with them and running errands and such, most of the baking takes place into the late hours of the night. Once a week, Brandon's school has pizza day and because of his allergies, I make his pizza by hand and send with him (whole grain, homemade sauce, vegan cheese, and nitrate free pepperoni...with the dough cooked into whatever shape/creature/thing he requests). But, he also will go to school with graham crackers (organic ones...but you can't tell that since I don't send the box in) or rice cakes or the like. So just because they come in with a premade food doesn't mean they aren't getting tons of homemade stuff. And it certainly doesn't mean the parent isn't going the extra mile--I spend probably between 3-6 hours in the kitchen a day...sometimes until 1-3 AM. But sometimes you have to draw the line and say "hey, I need to spend time with my kids and I need to take care of myself too, so a cracker isn't going to kill them."


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## lovebug (Nov 2, 2004)

all i can say is WOW to the bulk of this thread... sad!

OP your ideas sound great! i am so sorry your thread has turned into a flame fest, not at you but in gen... so sad. i hope your new plan works out. it sounds great to me!


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## CrunchyMom05 (Aug 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
I'm not going to talk with the mom until she asks "How is your stock of lunch food?", and I'm then going to tell her "I'm good with dry stuff, I shop at Costco, what I could really use help with is some fresh stuff. Do you think you could provide some fruit or a bag of organic carrots?"


Maybe you could tell the mom you enjoy cooking and preparing home made meals and it would be most helpful if she could provide ________. She is probably trying to be helpful by providing convience foods and she will probably appreciate you efforts.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
Good point. Perhaps I'm just kind of in a Boulder area "crunchy bubble", but it's different in other areas. Here usually even if a family eats unhealthy at least they are aware of the fact (not that it makes a difference, but still)

Oh yeah, area most certainly matters. I grew up in California, very aware of what was in food, what it meant to eat healthy and had lots of healthy options around me. Then I moved to the deep south! Oh my! There is certainly a growing population here that is interested in healthy eating, and we've even got a Whole Foods.







But there are lots and lots of people here who are just clueless about what is really GOOD for you - and I think we are also one of the fattest states in the nation.


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## shantimama (Mar 11, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
whoa whoa whoa everyone!!!

I'm sort of feeling like my op got blown waaay out of proportion, and people are putting words in my mouth. First off, these kids do _not_ have special needs. They so far have eaten lots of whatever I have offered, they are _fine_ eaters. Second off, the mom is totally open to me feeding them, she just brought the food as a back up, because I told her I might want her to help me stock up.

I happen to have a cousin with a special needs kid who _literally_ won't eat and lives off pedia sure. So I understand that some kids won't eat. These kids _do_ eat, they do not have special needs.
I'm just asking people to read my solution above and tell me what they think. This is turning into a raging thread about special needs kids and how they eat, I was just asking for advice about these two particular kids.....

I am now closing this thread. It has veered way off topic in spite of the OP reiterating her particular situation, which is what the thread was started to discuss.


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