# Yelling Challenge



## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Swearing too









I have gone 1 full day without raising my voice, talking disrespectfully, or swearing! PRAISE GOD!









I am going for day 2!









Anyone want to join me?


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## MiaPia (Aug 28, 2003)

Congratulations! One day at a time is the way to do it.









I need to try this myself. We are a very loud family anyway, and DH and I *both* have the tendency to raise our voices when situations become tense or stressful.

I vow that for the rest of the day I will NOT raise my voice in anger.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Mia.....I am super loud by nature too


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## Xoe (Oct 28, 2007)

I'll join you.

xoe


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## HotMama (Oct 26, 2002)

I'm in...and no "barking" for me either. That is yelling without raising my voice, but my face sure gets ugly


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## mamabear&babybear (Dec 20, 2004)

I'm in. I've been yelling more than usual lately.


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## dflanag2 (Oct 4, 2005)

Well, I have been yelling/cursing free for a full 25 minutes now, so can I join in?

And can people share strategies as to how they are avoiding yelling? My main strategy at the moment is to avoid speaking directly to my children when at all possible. Or being in the same room with them any more than absolutely necessary, for that matter.

Kidding of course.









-dflanag2


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## gribbit (Aug 30, 2004)

Count me in.. I really need to work on this this week..


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## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

oh, I am totally in. This has been the worst day for yelling. I have not been very nice.


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## swellmomma (Jan 1, 2004)

Count me in. I didn't yell today but I sure spoke with venom in my voice when the kids were acting up at the store. Let's see if I can get through bedtime without yelling, that is a tough one around here, but really how good is it to put the kids to bed by screaming GOod night for 2 hours(they fight me on bedtime), gonna challenge myself not to raise my voice while getting them to bed.


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## Xoe (Oct 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swellmomma* 
Count me in. I didn't yell today but I sure spoke with venom in my voice when the kids were acting up at the store.....


I like how you put this, mainly because I'm not what most people would consider a "yeller." But in a flash of a second, that venom comes out in my voice-- and my tone and my look are so sharp, it might actually cut worse than sheer yelling. Kids who have mom's who are all-day-yellers can tune them out. But I don't think *anyone* can tune out the way I speak to my daughter. It's rare, but it's sharp-- so I think it takes everyone by surprise. When I say "What...did...I...say." I swear grown women turn fearful.

xoe


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## utopia760 (Feb 7, 2007)

we all need me to be in on this. This time of year is so stressful on me and its starting to show. day 1 tomorrow update 1/2 way through


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

I'm in. I don't yell, by nature, but I do speak 'ugly'. I get annoyed waaaaaay too quickly it seems, especially with all that's going on-finances, holidays, pregnancy...ect. Not an excuse, I know. I've done well so far, but we've only been up for 1.5 hours...Lets see how the rest of the day goes!


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## Purple Sage (Apr 23, 2007)

Can I join? Today has been bad, yesterday was worse.







I'm turning into my mother, and it's not a good thing.


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## mamahart (Sep 25, 2007)

I want to join too...my daughter wrote me a birthday card today that showed a good and bad mom with a cheerful note about how we all have two sides- ouch. I want to be kinder, gentler and sweeter with my little monkeys.


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## Pam_and_Abigail (Dec 2, 2002)

I need to work on this. I yell so much at my kids, and I really hate it.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

By the grace of God, I am doing pretty well.









Alittle







: this morning. I asked my dh if he noticed any true reasons for my impaticence. (like blood sugar low, lack of sleep, etc) We still are not sure what causes it, but at least I am aware and trying to bit my tongue instead of exploding.

I have been writing down Scripture too to remind myself of how to be Godly towards my precious babies.







:


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

to everyone in this challenge. We can do this!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I think I need this too. Keeping my temper is a huge, huge challenge for me.

I just asked DD if I yelled at all today. She said maybe a little when DS was in my personal space, but then DS said I didn't yell at him so I guess I'm good for today.


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## hippiemum21580 (Jul 14, 2007)

Count me in! I am all for proactive parenting and TRY to not hollor across the house at my kids but there comes that point when i am trying to nurse teh baby and simply don't WANT to get up and haul @ss across the house to break up a fight between my eldest two so I just yell. I have also pisked up this awful habit of telling them to shut up and I HATE that! Not all of thetime, but at the end of the day when we have been inside all day and AT eachother.......One day at a time is the way to go! For me, I notice i am worse first thing in the morning, late at night when I am wore out and if I get low blood sugar. For me, I have to be sure to make a conscience effort to take care of myself, to eat regular meals and to grab a banana or something to eat before making my kids breakfast. Little things like that really do halp. It's when I overextend myself that I snap too easily.


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## swellmomma (Jan 1, 2004)

no yelling today!

could be because the kids have been gone for half the day lol

YEsterday was a bit but I caught myself before going crazy with it. bedtime was even easy, we watched a movie together which meant a late bedtime and all 3 older ones were out cold within minutes. That helped alot s I could have some down time for myself.

hippiemum21580 I am likeyou in that it is easier to yell then head to another level int he hose to break up a fight especially if I am busy with baby. I also have gotten n the habit of saying shut up to which my 4 year old always tells me "you said a bad word" You know tha commericial with eh airline attendant quitting smoking and she freaks out "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT" That has been me lateat night when I am completely worn out and they are still fighting or bickering or simply not getting into bed.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Ugh. So yesterday went really well until about 6:30 pm. We were trying to get to my dad's house, we had stopped for a minute at the store and were back in the car, with TONS of traffic. DD likes to buckle the top part of her seat belt and was taking a long while to do it. I did it for her and she cried and I yelled at her to hurry up then! She looked at me and tears just welled up in her eyes. It wasn't a tantrum cry, but a "OMGwhywouldyoueveryellatmelikethatmama?" cry. She tried to even turn her head away from me and cover her face. I almost died right then and there. Of course I apologized right away and held her hand and even got out at the next light and sat in the back with her (I wasn't driving!) and cuddled her. I felt like such a jack a$$, and all for a stupid buckle!!! Today was ok, I didn't yell but I sounded annoyed with her a few times in the morning because I haven't been getting any sleep and mornings are really hard. Overall though it was an ok day.
I feel like so much of my problem is that NO ONE parents like I do IRL. My dh and mom are gentle by nature, but they do place much more limitations on dd than I do. Which is a cause of frustration for her and in turn me, since she comes to me. I know it shouldn't bother me, I should not care what they think, but it wears on me sometimes. And I start to doubt what I believe is right. Not to mention I'm huge and pregnant and hormonal and tired.
Tomorrow is another day though....


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## Wolfcat (Jan 10, 2006)

I'm on day 5 of no yelling... of course, I have laryngitis







and have to strain to get out a voice louder than a whisper, but whatever works, right!!
















On a serious note, this is a great idea... like Yellers Anonymous. I think it is something that most parents can strive for. I'm in... as soon as I can yell again.


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## seren (Jul 11, 2003)

Ok, I'm in. I have been yelling a lot lately. I come from a family of yellers and I would love more than anything to break the cycle. I don't think I've yelled today, but it's been a pretty low key day.


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## ttcintexas (Nov 7, 2005)

I'm in. This morning my daughter (35 months) told me--through tears--to stop yelling. Broke my heart.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ttcintexas* 
I'm in. This morning my daughter (35 months) told me--through tears--to stop yelling. Broke my heart.











I don't think I've yelled at all today. This makes 2 days in a row!!!

But it's not bedtime yet, and that's when I'm most likely to lose my patience and my temper.


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## lovesdaffodils (Jul 11, 2007)

I'd like to be in. I'll have to start tomorrow, as it's definitely too late to salvage today. Tomorrow is a new day though, right?


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## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

I'm in! I feel lie such a worm when I yell.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swellmomma* 
Let's see if I can get through bedtime without yelling, that is a tough one around here, but really how good is it to put the kids to bed by screaming GOod night for 2 hours(they fight me on bedtime)

We've had a spate of excellent days but lately we've had some bad ones. Or I have.







Bedtime is tough here too. The thing is, dd jumps around singing, humming and playing, trying to entice us to play. I feel so bad because it feels like I am squelching her joyful nature, but I don't want to have to tell her five times to come and brush her teeth now or go to the bedroom or whatever. And she's old enough to do what's asked, she's 2.5 for heaven's sake! She often does. I feel like a heel.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Xoe* 
When I say "What...did...I...say." I swear grown women turn fearful.









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *utopia760* 
we all need me to be in on this. This time of year is so stressful on me and its starting to show.

This is what I think is getting to me. The stresses of the time of year (shopping, wrapping, cooking, etc), expecting baby #2 anyday now, dh's father just dying, dd cooped up inside too much. Let's all take a big breath and hold hands and move forward for another day.

I always figure I can try again in the next hour....or tomorrow....


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

First I snapped at DS around 4:30 when DD1 first came home from school, she was trying to tell me about her day and he was talking- he claimed he was only talking to himself but I couldn't hear what DD1 was telling me.

Then a few minutes ago I really yelled at all of them. DD1 complained that DD2 ate all the snack food and she didn't get to have any, then DD2 complained that there wasn't any other food prepared in the house, and then I yelled at her that I'd made food but nobody ate it anyway so why did I bother (but using much stronger language than that) and then I stood up and slipped on DS' homework folder that was on the floor and I yelled at him for leaving his @#$% all over the floor.

He still hasn't done his homework. At this point, I honestly don't care if he does it or not- he'll face the teacher tomorrow if he doesn't. I just can't have the papers all over the floor- school stuff needs to be in his backpack and zipped up. Anyway, I know he can't focus on schoolwork this late at night- it's done quickly and easily if he does it right after school, or it's like pulling teeth in the evenings.

DD1 just asked to turn on the TV and I told her no, I need quiet and no more stimulation right now. And DD2 is eating a cheese sandwich.


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## lovesdaffodils (Jul 11, 2007)

Today wasn't 100%, but it was better than a lot of days. I'm such a yeller by nature; it's hard! I did raise my voice a couple of times (to get DS's attention), but I didn't do any shaming or mean words, so I'm glad of that at least. And I will do even better tomorrow.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I yelled a 3rd time today.







DS was avoiding bed and overtired and not listening and I was feeling tired and cranky and I couldn't keep from yelling when he just refused to listen.


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## ttcintexas (Nov 7, 2005)

No yelling here today. I really seem to yell most when DD whines. I just can't stand it, and I know yelling doesn't help make her stop. Since it was Christmas, and her grandparents are here, there was no whining. Once they leave after the New Year my real challenge will be on.


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## MindfulBirth (Mar 3, 2005)

Can I join this group? I've been avoiding the Gentle Discipline Forum out of a guilty conscience for too long. I yell at my kids and I hate it. I think this week I'll do pretty good because DH has the week off from work and I tend to be more gentle when he is around to counteract his sarcasm







:.

I am worse on school mornings. We have plenty of time to get ready, but my girls dawdle and we end up rushing around at the last minute. I also hate it when they act so helpless and won't walk across the room to get a tissue/toy/whatever or when they whine, whine, whine about everything. ugh.


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## MamaRabbit (May 26, 2005)

I'm in. I'm a big loud Italian







I want my children to respond to my normal voice rather than my loud, shouting one!


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## HotMama (Oct 26, 2002)

Wowsa...UC twins. You have my great respect.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I've been doing pretty well the past couple of days.

I've discovered that when I eat certain foods, not only do they affect my GI system, but they make me sore and irritable. It's much easier to respond gently to my kids when I'm not already cranky from something I ate!


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## HotMama (Oct 26, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ttcintexas* 
No yelling here today. I really seem to yell most when DD whines. I just can't stand it, and I know yelling doesn't help make her stop. Since it was Christmas, and her grandparents are here, there was no whining. Once they leave after the New Year my real challenge will be on.

Your post reminded me of something I just read (The Five Love Languages of Children), and have noticed in my dd's...If their love cups are full, there's less whining. With lots of attention, your dd is not whining. Hmmm...

This isn't meant as preaching, more of a reminder to myself.







:

Also, my dh is home this week and all has been much mellower...could my love cup be full?


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## swellmomma (Jan 1, 2004)

Okay starting over RIGHT NOW. After a very very long challenging day with my ds who kept beating up his siblings and attacked me, which brought about alot of yelling from me. I decided I would get my decluttering/cleaning done over night since nothing got done all day and I know when it is like this in a mess none of us do well. Well at 4 am I hear my 4 yr old screaming. My 9 year has woken up, sat up and punched 4 year in the face because he was snoring(they wereboth in my bed). SO at 4 am I am exhausted, fed up from putting up with all day and now furious that he would punch a sleeping person just because. AND I went off on a 30 minute yelling and screaming fit. NOt even directly at him, once I put 9 yr old back in his own bed I went back downstairs to turn out all the lights/lock up etc and was still cursing and yelling.

This am I get woken up to him beating on dd because she said she would tell that he was stealing my christmas chocolates I was given.

I do not like being woken up by fighting on the best of days but when I am facing only a couple hours sleep , and went to bed angry to begin with I started my day yelling.

SO I fell off that bandwagon and am back on now. I am actually typing this while giving myself a timeout before I decide to punish him just to punish him kwim. I am also purging my kitchen of all christmas candies/treats. The rest of the purge will happen later in January when I get enough money to replace the groceries. I am getting rid of all refined sugars/processed foods and seeing if that helps all of us.

I am also taking hte kids later to go sledding. I hate winter and being outside but I think they are stir crazy and need the fresh air. We are meeting with friend at 1:30 this afternoon, it's a surprise for the kids. Hopefully those things will help keep me ont eh bandwagon.

Between yesterday, last night and today I can see why wild animals eat their young.


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## MindfulBirth (Mar 3, 2005)

We are having a pretty good school vacation so far. I did get annoyed with my 3 yr old earlier this morning when she refused to take off her nighttime diaper and use the potty and then ended up overflowing the diaper and getting her jammies wet. Argh! Like I don't do enough laundry around here already. Although I did use a snapping tone







, I did manage to keep the volume level down.









Its nice to know there are other mamas working on this issue. I thought I was the only one.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swellmomma* 
My 9 year has woken up, sat up and punched 4 year in the face because he was snoring(they wereboth in my bed).

This am I get woken up to him beating on dd because she said she would tell that he was stealing my christmas chocolates I was given.

I do not like being woken up by fighting on the best of days but when I am facing only a couple hours sleep , and went to bed angry to begin with I started my day yelling.

Between yesterday, last night and today I can see why wild animals eat their young.











I wonder what's gotten into your 9yo lately. I don't think I'd be able to control my temper with that kind of behavior going on either.

Getting rid of the synthetically colored junk is probably a good idea- he could well be reacting to that garbage. IMO, it's far more likely from the additives in the junk food and candy, rather than the sugar itself.


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## emski4379 (Aug 23, 2006)

I'm in too. I feel as though I spend way too much time yelling at my son. Particularly when it's time to change a diaper, get dressed or go to sleep. He just wiggles and cries and tries to play.


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## aprildawn (Apr 1, 2004)

I need to join! My oldest DD has started yelling at me a lot. I know it's because that's how she hears me talking to them. It breaks my heart that this is what I'm teaching her.

We are also a loud family, but the yelling needs to stop. DD2 yells even more than DD1.

I know one trigger for me is when both girls are trying to talk to me at once. I can't hear either of them, they know it and both start talking louder, it's horrible.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
Getting rid of the synthetically colored junk is probably a good idea- he could well be reacting to that garbage. IMO, it's far more likely from the additives in the junk food and candy, rather than the sugar itself.

Yes. I keep coming back to this with my oldest. Esp with all the Christmas candies and cookies we've been having. Lots of artificial colors and sugar. DD1 has been insane lately!!

We're going to Disney World in two weeks. I'm so dreading the whole trip. Aside from how I feel about the Disney company in general and I don't really want to spend my money in their park (although I'm not super black & white about it), it's just an overstimulating, loud place full of junk food and stuff to make my kids go nuts. I just want things to settle down after the holidays and I don't even have that to look forward to. I spend all day at home with two small children doing my best to control my temper and be a good mommy. The vacation I want is to go off to a cabin somewhere alone.


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## ttcintexas (Nov 7, 2005)

Said by HotMama (I don't know how to do the quote thingy)--"Your post reminded me of something I just read (The Five Love Languages of Children), and have noticed in my dd's...If their love cups are full, there's less whining. With lots of attention, your dd is not whining. Hmmm...

This isn't meant as preaching, more of a reminder to myself."

Totally not taken as preaching. And I totally know it's an attention thing. I have a two month old DS, and until he was born my DD got my constant attention. Overall she is doing great with this addition to our family, but the need for mom comes out in whining or asking for mama milk. Even knowing this it is hard to deal with the whining when I'm tired, the baby is crying/needing to be nursed/changed/put to sleep. But preventing the whining the best I can is definitely a better method than yelling at her to knock it off.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Tonight has not been a good night. Dd was inside most of the day. Dh is depressed, anxious, moody, uncharacteristically low on energy and patience since his father died a couple of weeks ago (I totally understand why). I had to run a bunch of errands today before our next baby is born so he was home with her most of the time. He let her nap from 4-5 p.m. (!!!!!!!) so it's no wonder it's 10:30 p.m. and the child still doesn't want to go to sleep.

Dh is desperate for alone time today, is ruminating about his widowed mother, mourning the loss of his father, and I'm overly tired, due with baby #2 very shortly.

We phased out giving dd a bottle of milk in bed eons ago. She was sleeping in her own bed at the start of the night (in our room) and joining me in our king sized bed in the middle of the night. She has returned to sleeping in the family bed FT as the talk of her baby sister's imminent arrival has increased. Tonight she is screaming and crying for milk. Both dh and I offered water with a straw, to sing, rock her, comfort her, etc. But she just cries bloody murder for milk. Finally I ran into the room, flung a bottle of milk at her







and screamed "THERE! DRINK THE MILK ALREADY AND STOP THIS CRYING! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"














:

Dh just stood there looking at me incredulously. "Who was this crazy woman who was back? I thought she was gone since the Prozac." I could see those thoughts in his eyes. He said, "What you're doing is not helping."

I stopped in my tracks and looked down, deeply ashamed, apologizing to all. "Mommy you scared me" dd said over and over again. "I know, I'm sorry, I owe you both an apology, I shouldn't have done that" I said over and over again.







We had a group hug.

Dd had her milk and cheered up, calmed down. I feel like hell. There are more issues going on right now, I think I'll post in another area regarding them. I feel lonely and tired and frustrated and distanced from dh. I am worried about him and don't know how to help him. I am worried about this upcoming birth. I am trying to be Super Woman and hold this household and family together but I need help too sometimes. I feel lonely and skin hungry since he hasn't touched me in months. I feel like another burden on his shoulders since his father died and he just wants to retreat and be with his thoughts.

Take a deep breath woman.

Thank goodness tomorrow is another day.







This will pass and we can try again. My mistake was going in there and acting when I had a flare up of anger and frustration. I should have walked away and calmed down first.


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## EllenC (Oct 12, 2006)

It's funny I saw this thread since this is exactly what I have been struggling with early. I do yell some but I also do the other things some have mentioned like venom in the voice or just clearly expressing annoyance.

So I have awareness of this problem now, but my question is how do I change? What is it I can do to remind myself when I am in the heat of the moment? Yes, I can apologize for it later but I'd like to stop doing it all together. I came from a family that yelled a lot and talked sharply the rest of the time and do not want to raise my daughter that way. I'm a long way from that but not far enough.


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