# Molar Pregnancy



## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

Two days ago, I found out my pregnancy is a molar pregnancy. I'm 12 weeks pregnant with a cluster of cells that I thought was going to be my little baby kicking in a few weeks, my little newborn in January. Websites describe it as never becoming an embryo, that it was a mass or tumor from the first moment, when the chromosomes went all wacky and wrong and over multiplied to a crazy degree. But for weeks, it was my baby. I still feel pregnant. I still am, technically. I won't be after Tuesday, when I go in for my D&C. I assume that's what's happening on Tuesday, it was all very fast getting scheduled by the doctor and I got a voicemail letting me know where to go and when on Tuesday, but I need to call for the details of what's actually going to happen at the appointment.

We went to the doctor for bleeding, and as the bleeding had gotten heavier, I was less hopeful, but hung onto just a glimmer of hope until the last second. When I found out it was a molar pregnancy, I initially felt better. I thought, oh it was never even a baby. It's not a baby that passed away. It's just cells multiplying in non-baby form.

I did tell my friends, who were all sympathetic, and I did get sad and I have been crying. My husband thinks my friends are who's making me sad, that I wouldn't be this sad without their input and sympathy. I think I was just in shock the first day and that's why I said I was doing okay, that's why I thought I was, and he saw me "handling it." The sadness would have hit me the second day regardless, I believe.

It's hard, because he feels out of it, too, but he isn't sad like I am, and I don't think he understands my sadness and moodiness and my anger that I do lash out with here and there. To him, hearing it was a molar pregnancy made it a completely different situation, like he didn't feel the loss of a baby at all once he heard that. But I guess I still do, and since it's different from how he's feeling, I feel like it's somehow wrong to be sad, even though I know that it's not at all. It's just weird and kind of hard to explain. And it frustrates and disappoints me, too.

I thought I was doing much better this morning, and then I went on Facebook and a friend who is 19 weeks pregnant posted her belly pic. I had been taking pics like that, I had a bunch of them saved up, ready to post along with happy ultrasound pictures. That was my plan. I totally cried when I saw her pic. We hung out when she was in town a few weeks ago and it was fun being all happy and pregnant together. And now I'm not. Not happy or pregnant. I'm happy for her, but I'm so sad that I don't get to keep taking happy belly pics.

Does anyone know what to expect with a D&C? My mom said she was sick for a week after hers, like in bed feeling in pain and awful. A friend of mine said she felt great the same day and fine the following days, no trouble at all. Is it likely I'll be in pain? I have a son who's almost 2 and a half, and still nurses -- I know it's okay to keep nursing him, most likely, but does anyone know if it'll feel weird, like if my uterus will be sensitive and crampy when we nurse? I'm so afraid I'm going to just not want to nurse him, like it'll feel awful to my body or something. That's a terrible fear, because I love nursing him. It's only been since I got pregnant that I've had moments of "okay we need to stop," like I feel over-touched or something every so often. I would love to continue nursing happily with no physical or emotional bumps in the road, but wasn't sure what other people may have experienced? Even though I realize my experience will be its own and no one can tell me exactly how I'll feel. I'm so dreading this... I feel so weird, and sad.

Thank you for listening.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I had a d&c with my mmc/bo.
It sucks to be "pregnant" and embryoless.
Its the biggest mindF* in the world.

D&C easy to start. They really "clean you out" we went out for a nice dinner after recovery. Got on a plane the next day, had sex like a week after. Bleeding minimal after but I did get odd bleeding and cramping out of cycle for a while.
I'd bet nursing is easier and less nipple sensitivity and cramping after (the uterus goes down in size)


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

Thanks so much for responding! So sorry you understand this feeling too. mind f**k is right! Jeez.

Ok cool. Hearing that makes me less nervous and what you said about nursing is very reassuring. Thanks so much.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I hate the phrase
"There's no such thing as a little pregnant" yes actually there is!

Good luck.
Hugs


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## lovecarrieson (Jun 3, 2013)

Meg, I'm so sorry for your loss. It IS a loss on many levels, and you have every right to grieve. You lost the hope and dream of a baby that you had for 3 months, which is a super long time to hope and dream. You lost the family plan you had in mind (how far apart your children would be, etc.) And there may very well be a "spirit baby" out there who was meant to be yours. Perhaps you can find comfort in thinking that soul will come back and be your baby next time.

Please don't let your husband upset you or make you feel like you should handle this differently or "better." Men simply don't experience pregnancy loss the same way we do, and it's both unrealistic to hope they'll understand how we feel as well as absurd for him to want you to react in any specific way. I have to relate a conversation I had with the chairman of my company, who was very sweet and comforting after my loss, but who like most men doesn't realize how different a loss is for women:

Him: We had a miscarriage after our first two kids were born, and my wife still talks about it twenty years later.

Me: Yeah, I think it's different for men to go through that kind of loss than women.

Him: I don't know about that. You get pretty invested in the baby as soon as you learn your wife is pregnant.

Me: (THINKING TO MYSELF) Hmm, she's the one who still talks about it twenty years later!!

Anyway, yes, it sounds very normal to be relieved at first and then plunge into grief and depression. That keeps happening to me. E.g., I learned that my baby likely died (second trimester) because I had an undiagnosed blood clotting issue, and at first I was so relieved that at least I knew what happened and it will be treatable next time. For two days I was super cheerful and positive. Then I became deeply depressed thinking that it could have been prevented and I might still be pregnant if someone had thought to test me. Grief does not travel in a straight line. Expect to have good days and bad days. Take care of yourself and try to rest!


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

*Shiloh* - Ugh I hate that phrase now, too! I never said it myself or really gave it too much thought because I just never even realized how off base it is.. People think they're being funny/cute to sometimes say that, but jeez.

*Lovecarrieson* - *thank you* for everything you said. I think you're really right about how men and women process these things. It's soooo intimate for us, these little people that grow within us. Or little beings that are supposed to be little people, or little people/or should-have-been-people who die within us too. Men simply can't ever know quite what that's like.

Even though my husband was kind of upsetting me, we had a talk this morning, and I realized the poor guy didn't even realize he was depressed. (Which lines up with the article I just read about how kids who do not have a great attachment in early childhood grow to be adults who don't even understand their emotions. Interesting and sad.)

So in my sadness, I didn't see his sadness, and neither did he. He was saying today he just feels weird and has all weekend, and he was so sweet/funny/sad when he said, "But I'm not like sad like thinking 'oh how can we go on?' and I'm not sad like feeling SO devastated, but... I just don't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I wish I could just lie in bed all day today." (instead of going to work). I was like, oh honey, you are sad, and that's okay! It made me feel better to know he's in a funk of his own because that explained a lot of his kind of insensitive behavior over the weekend (we only just found out on Friday). We are both kind of more on the same page now that we talked a bit, which is cool. I still think he's processing very differently than me, and feeling it differently, but while I'm not glad he's upset, per se, I kind of am, too. If that makes sense.

I'm so sorry for your loss too. The 2nd and 3rd trimester losses or ones just after birth just gut me. I seriously just weep over the harsh truth that no time is ever promised to us. I could seriously throw up at the thought of anything ever happening to my son, who is now 2. It's weird how much life changes. I used to think I wanted so many things like a certain career and blah, and now pretty much the only thing I ever truly hope is that my kid (hopefully one day kid*s*, plural) outlives me... and is happy and healthy along the way, too, of course. It's just weird how there are times in life we don't really think about death, and then there are times we really face it, and it is scary and hard, two words which are the understatement of a lifetime.

Thank you for sharing with me. I really truly appreciate your response.

And this:

Quote:


> Grief does not travel in a straight line. Expect to have good days and bad days. Take care of yourself and try to rest!


makes so much sense. Thank you. And I will surely do that. <3


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## smlame (Nov 13, 2007)

I just want to second the whole feeling okay then not feeling okay thing. There really must be something to this because with all of my losses, sometimes I would be feeling so relieved over getting an answer (even though the answer was loss) that I would be quite cheerful for a bit. Or like when I had an ectopic, knowing I had taken the meds and my unresolved bleeding was going to resolve, I felt huge relief! Then later, the feelings of loss would hit and I would be quite sad and depressed. My hubby who is quite loving and caring does the same thing "but you were feeling so great yesterday" as if I can never change! He is learning that there are ups and downs.

And I can imagine a molar pregnancy being really tough to wrap your brain around! And I agree with Lovecarries......the second you get a positive on a pregnancy test, that version of life begins to stretch about before you. Even after 2 losses this year, when I got a third positive, there I was again that same day planning for a Feb due date! So to be 12 weeks, of course there is much about what you thought was to be that now is not. Of course there is grief! Lots of hugs sent your way!


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

Smlame - thank you! It's so true, the ups and downs, it being hard to process. I'm so afraid of having another loss but I just hope next time everything goes okay.

Lately I've been feeling pretty good and kind of back to normal in many ways. But then I swear any time I see someone in person or on facebook (not really here on mothering though), who mentions wanting to be pregnant with their second child or actually being pregnant with their second... I keep feeling like I've been punched in the guts. It often makes me cry. All part of the process though, I know. It's good to be feeling a little bit better though and getting through this.

Thanks for your kindness and support!


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

i dont have anything to say about a d&c but i want to tell you how sorry i am for your loss


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## bdoody11 (Aug 16, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a partial molar pregnancy 4 years ago. My D&C was painless, not even a cramp. I was still nursing DD1 and nothing changed. In fact, I nursed her another year and a half after.

I was told to wait 3 months before trying to conceive and I had to have my hcg levels checked weekly and then monthly because molar and partial molars have the ability to turn cancerous.

Also, this was my second miscarriage in a row. I had had another one the previous October. DH and I have very different feelings about the losses. We experience all the emotions and physical symptoms of pregnancy, our Dh's do not. My DH just couldn't get sad about a baby he had never felt kicking or known in any physical way. Hopefully your DH can give you the space to be grieve.

Be gentle with your self.


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

*unuselyriver* - Thank you so much. I truly appreciate it.

*bdoody11* - (your username is great btw, I can't figure out whether to pronounce it b. doody-ell, or b-dude-y'all, or something else completely. That may even be the number eleven!)

On a more serious note, I'm so sorry you went through that too. Especially two losses in a row, and your husband processing so differently than you. I really feel for you. It was hard that my husband felt it differently than I did, but realizing that he did get a bit sad about it, that he shed any tears at all, even if only a few, made me feel a million times better. But it makes sense that some men never get there, or like if we'd lost the pregnancy much earlier, I think he would have been far less affected. It's interesting the different ways we all grieve.

Thank you for the wonderful advice, I am definitely trying to do just that. 

Yes, I was told I was going to have to be on birth control, so they inserted a mirena IUD at the time they did my D&C. I think because of the IUD, I actually did have some cramping after I woke up from the anesthesia, but only took one dose of pain medicine, and was fine after that. I had gotten general anesthesia, so was pretty exhausted for about two days. They only wanted me to pump and dump once that afternoon then said going back to nursing was totally okay, so that's what I did, and I'm glad. My son and I are back to enjoying our nursing time together.

Like you said, they told me I couldn't get pregnant, but they wanted me to get weekly blood draws, then once my hcg hit zero, to wait 6 months to get the IUD out.

Then the craziest thing happened - the pathology came back and it turned out not to be a molar pregnancy at all! I was so surprised!! I guess she said since there were no molar cells, that meant that I had had a missed miscarriage, probably around 8 weeks. Bizarre. But she took the IUD out and gave me a clean bill of health.

I feel pretty relieved, but damn it's been weird going through all of this health stuff on top of grieving, too. I'm doing much better than I was, though, for sure.

It really helps to get the support I've received on this board. Thanks so much to everyone for your kind words!


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## bdoody11 (Aug 16, 2005)

That's great news about the miscarriage not being molar. Now you can try again as soon as you feel ready.

Take care of yourself and know that your rainbow baby is coming!


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I hope your rainbow comes soon!


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

Thank you bdoody and Shiloh! That made me smile!


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I got mine after being told I was infertile my tubes were blocked AND being on the pill!!!!! I have 65 days to go before my induction with my little girl!

My loss was one of the hardest things I have ever pushed through. I'm a better person for it but I wish I could have stayed niave


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

Oh Shiloh, how awful. I know what you mean. So many things in life make us stronger but it's like, okay I'm strong enough, no more awfulness please!! Aww, a little girl. How wonderful! I'm so happy for you!


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

MC are devestating, rainbows huge anxiety. The hardest lessons are only learned the hard wway!
I'm trying to get excited but its as if my brain has severed the connection that
pregnancy = baby


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## bdoody11 (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Shiloh*
> 
> I got mine after being told I was infertile my tubes were blocked AND being on the pill!!!!! I have 65 days to go before my induction with my little girl!
> 
> My loss was one of the hardest things I have ever pushed through. I'm a better person for it but I wish I could have stayed niave


I remember being angry at friends who were done having kids and had never had a miscarriage. Not that I would wish it on anyone, but it angered me that some of us have to feel this pain and others are spared.


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

Bdoodyll - yes I completely understand that.

I also get angry at people who attempt to be comforting but aren't. More often than not, it's people who've never been through it. Or people who are like, glad you're better! When you know you're not 100% "better" whatever that even means.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

People say the dumbest things to grieving people. The dumbest.


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## meg007 (Jul 9, 2010)

They really do!!


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## tenzinsmama (Apr 30, 2011)

I know this thread is old, but I just have to say how much it has helped me to read this. Thank you to all who have shared.


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## David147 (Mar 6, 2015)

This occurs when the nucleus of an egg is either lost or inactivated. The sperm then duplicates itself because the egg was lacking genetic information. Usually there is no fetus, no placenta, no fluid and no amniotic membranes. 

The uterus is rather filled with the mole that resembles a bunch of grapes. The fluid filled vesicles grow rapidly, which can make the uterus seem larger than it should be for gestational age. Because there is no placenta to receive the blood typically you will see bleeding into the uterine cavity or vaginal bleeding.


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