# my sister had a miscarriage, what should i get for her?



## scatterbrainedmom (May 31, 2005)

my sister lost her baby on Easter. she was 8-9 weeks and is going to bury her baby in her garden under her flowers. I want to get her something, but flowers and small token gifts seem innapropriate. (flowers as in a bouquet, she already has planting flowers). Do you have any ideas?


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

Could you get her a bouqet of Easter lillies? I honestly don't know. I didn't get anything from anyone when I miscarried.


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## scatterbrainedmom (May 31, 2005)

i would prefer to get her something she can treasure. something special she can hold near and dear.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Maybe a piece of jewelry with the baby's birthstone? Even a beautiful card to hold on to as a keepsake would be nice.


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## Naughty Dingo (May 23, 2004)

My friend brought me a meal, some postpartum tea (She covered up the picture on the front with another picture) and some beautiful yarn. It was really touching and I appreciated it all very much. The tea was especially appreciated because drinking it made me feel like I was doing something to care for my body which was going through something terrible.

ND


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## scatterbrainedmom (May 31, 2005)

i just got off the phone with dh and told him i wanted to get her a baby ring w/the december birthstone. he thinks i am making way to big of a deal out of this and i should just try and forget about it. i feel horrible and every time i think about it i cry, so i KNOW she is not okay with it!!

but, what if i am? what if she just wants to forget about it? every time i have spoken on the phone with her she acts up beat and talks about it, but factual and not emotional. Maybe I should just get it anyway and hold onto it and have it if she ever needs it?

I had a blighted twin with Nathaniel, but never knew until the ultrasounds. I never went through the heartache or cramping or bleeding. So I just don't know. I need someone to TELL me what to do.


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## De-lovely (Jan 8, 2005)

what about something from EarthMamaAngelBaby.com ? They have a lot of nice stuff........I think its sweet you want to do something for her and it IS a big deal. I hate it when people try to ignore or forget miscarriages....terrible. You are a wonderful sister.


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## Naughty Dingo (May 23, 2004)

She doesn't want to forget, and your support will be appreciated by her









Our DP's can be lunkheads sometimes can't they?

ND


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## egoldber (Nov 18, 2002)

Be there for her. Be willing to listen when no one else will or has forgotten. Remember her due date, call her and ask how she's doing on that day because odds are no one else will remember except her. Do those things and you're doing a lot.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

I think any gesture you make will be appreciated. I don't think your dh really gets it. She is certainly not going to "just forget about it", so there is no reason for you to do the same. Any support you give her will make a world of difference.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

When i lost my 1st baby i received a book on grief. it was very helpful. My dh had my boys decorate a box for me and i put all of the babies memories in it. My friend gave me a pedicure and it was so awesome. My midwife brought me postpartum tea and flowers. I also received meals. All of these things were so wonderful.
Most people forgot quickly. My dh and my best friend were the only ones that remembered the edd. Mark it in her calendar, take her out to lunch, go to a salon, recognize her baby.
i hope these suggestions help


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## Baby Makes 4 (Feb 18, 2005)

I didn't get anything from anyone when I m/c and it hurt. All I got was stupid advice like "Oh, don't worry about kids, you two should buy a boat".







:

Anyway, I digress. I would have loved something really simple like a small angel pendant to wear, a birthstone pendant or even just a sympathy card.


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## hopesoon (Apr 14, 2006)

scatterbrainedmom, you're such a sweet sister.

Your hb probably just wants to forget, coz that's the only way he knows how to deal with it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care.

It's been over a month since my mc and the pain and tears are still unstoppable when they hit. I got flowers and a birthday party, but I know I appreciate it the most when someone is brave enough to allow me remember. And perhaps, something nutritious to get my health back.


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## JasonsMom (Apr 28, 2005)

I too, think anything you do, will be most appreciated. Just listening and asking how she's doing on a daily basis, will help alot.

I just layed to rest my little one in my garden yesterday surrounded by my favorite flowers, pansies. When I told my sister i was going to do this, she suggested that I get a garden angel to place there, which I loved the idea and intend on doing. You could get something like that.

Also since yesterday was my MIL's funeral, my family sent a beautiful silk floral arrangement. This will be enjoyed for a very long time.

The only other thing I can suggest, is that awhile ago, my dh gave me a little silver piece with an angel engraved on it and the words, "always with you" as I believe that I have a guardian angel watching over me....now I will cherish this piece even more, carry it with me and will remember my wee one.

I think you're a great sister for wanting to help.


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## scatterbrainedmom (May 31, 2005)

i just got back from walfart







and i got her a plain gold baby ring, an angel garden stake and a card.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

That sounds great. It's going to mean a lot to her. You are a wonderful sister!


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## Ben's Mommy (Aug 11, 2005)

Just for some ideas...this website is wonderful.
http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/

My sil got me this
http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/ind...ROD&ProdID=116
and this
http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/ind...WPROD&ProdID=7
They are my most treasured gifts that I received after Ben passed away. I think the gifts are very appropriate for a m/c too. The website has a ton of great stuff. You are an amazing sister and I can tell how much you are hurting for her. Just being there to listen to her or to give her a shoulder to cry on is an amazing gift in itself.


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## scatterbrainedmom (May 31, 2005)

i gave her the gifts i bought for her and she loved them. I got to see the baby too. she hasn't buried it yet, she also told me she hasen't really cried yet. I think she is holding on as long as possible before it totally hits her.

Her husband griped at me about the house not being spotless







: and i said there is probably a reason for that and he said he didn't care







. he is so heartless to her about this.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Oh your poor sister. I'm so glad she loved the gifts - I know it must have meant a lot to her.

I can't believe how insensitive her dh sounds


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## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

I recently saw a lovely stone bench you can have engraved as a memorial. and it's fully functional too. maybe something like that for her garden? I know if I lost a baby I would forever treasure something like that.


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## babycarrier (Apr 2, 2004)

~~~~~******~~~possibly too graphic ahead~~~********~~~~
i buried my baby (~11wks) with dh under a special tree. i was unprepared for the fact that it would attract animals and my little sacred spot was found by an unknown animal. this was incredibly disturbing at the time and i don't know how to put it out there in a better way but do so only in the hopes of giving someone else the info.

we did take some of the rocks that had encircled it and put them around a rose bush i purchased for my babe. the roses are coming back this year and it is a wonderful gift


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## scatterbrainedmom (May 31, 2005)

she told me that she was scared of that. she was torn between her baby nourishing the rose bush and leaving him in what he was in. she left him in what he was in though. She also named him Daniel









she said her dh didn't understand why everyone was giving her cards and gift and she told him that it is because we lost something too. we lost out on the chance to know our nephew/grandson just as they lost out on the chance to know their son. I never thought of it that way.


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

You are such a good sister. Your sister is blessed to have you there to support her and you are doing a great job.

I'll add some comments for anyone else who might be reading this and wondering what to do for a loved one in this situation.

I miscarried two days ago, and my best friend brought over a meal, chocolate, tea and a candle that night. It really made us feel loved. My DH brought me white roses, and even though i know they will wilt, I love them, and love looking at them.

I think the impulse to give something is a good one, and people shouldn't worry too much about what exactly the gift is. It can really help to be reminded, too. DH and I got an e-card this morning, and it came with a computerized "Amazing Grace" piano solo and your typical sympathy card prose, but it meant so much to us, because all the over-the-top sentiment really helped us FEEL something. We've been numb for two days. We both started to cry and were finally really able to grieve at home (we cried all day in the hospital).

So even if someone sounds fine, they may just be in shock, and I think they WILL want to have the loss acknowledged. A gift or a card or kind words say that you sat down and THOUGHT about their loss, KWIM?, and that you wanted to do something.


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