# Guilt about stopping cosleeping



## Minky (Jun 28, 2005)

Lately I have been having a lot of guilt related to stopping cosleeping with my DD (almost 3) just after she turned a year old. DH insisted on the stopping mostly cos he wanted to be intimate with me in bed again and did not feel comfortable with DD in the bed or room while it was happening.

So now DD has her own room, with her little bed beside a single bed. She usually nurses right before bed time.

When shes having trouble sleeping I will go in there and lay in my "little bed" beside her bed or we will both get in there and fall asleep or she will nurse and then fall asleep. And then I leave when she's asleep.

But lately I have been wishing I had fought DH and kept up with the cosleeping. Does anyone else have DH problems with the cosleeping? I am wondering if it's worth even bringing it up. I just see so many people on here still doing it that I feel like I have shortchanged my little girl.

Also we are going to be having a new baby and I will be cosleeping with the baby, is she going to feel left out if we don't find a way to include her in that???


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## Diane B (Mar 15, 2004)

Is your daughter happy? Sleeping reasonably well? Developing normally? We had to basically stop co-sleeping earlier than expected (a fire forced us to move out of our house and we didn't have a good co-sleeping situation for quite some time) and I also felt guilty at first. But you know, my daughter is doing just fine. We are always there for her at night when she needs us, in much the same way as you describe.

Our life situations and circumstances sometimes don't fit the ideals in our minds, but if your daughter is ok, then I would suggest letting go as much as possible.

I know your situation is different with the conflict about this with your husband, and I'm sure others have words of wisdom about that part of your post. I just wanted to address your worries about harming your daughter.

peace -


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## ~Nikki~ (Aug 4, 2004)

I wouldn't worry too much about jealousy issues when the new baby comes. We stopped co-sleeping with our toddler when she was about 20 months old, mainly because we have a small bed and she's a major wiggler/kicker. NONE of us were getting sleep. When the new baby came, I thought for sure that DD would be back in our bed. I thought there would be a lot more jealousy about the baby getting to sleep with Mom and Dad. But she totally suprised us. She said "Babies sleep with mommy and daddy, big girls sleep in a bed." It was a total non-issue. It didn't phase her in the least bit.

If your daughter is already in a bed, I would imagine that it'll be the same way for you.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Please save your guilt for something else in your life. I think if your daughter made the transition well, then don't look back. There's lots of ways to stay close.


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## PrennaMama (Oct 10, 2005)

This is something I worry about, a little, too. It sounds like you've got it pretty under control... if she's sleeping, and transitioning well. They say it's usually US who aren't ready to transition. My DH, strangely, is the one who is balking, in our house.

I was in a horrible car crash in July, with our 8 month old, dd in the car. She was JUST entering sep. anxiety-time, when I was sep.'d from her for 3 days. (had never been apart for longer than 1 hr...) Until the crash, she was transitioning into her crib, in our room... now she's back in bed. She is 11 months, now.

Her prospective bedroom is downstairs. I am not thrilled at the idea of running up and down the stairs all night. She starts each noight in her crib, in our room, and invariably wakes a few times a night, until 2-3, when she comes back to bed, and we all sleep soundly.

Was it like this for you? Your current arrangemnet is something I am on the verge of being jealous of...


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## Minky (Jun 28, 2005)

DD is very happy and in my opinion is well adjusted to her own room. As long as she knows I will lie down with her when she needs me.

DD's room is just across the hall from ours but I've found that if I lay there until she goes to sleep she usually sleeps through the night. She still comes and climbs in our bed occasionally which DH is perfectly ok with. I think everyone did that to their parent's during storms and windy nights!

I dont want to lie, she did not like having her own room in the beginning and had a hard time seeing it as somewhere to sleep, not somewhere to play. That's how I got started laying down beside her, so she wouldn't get up and play with toys. That really helped the transition and now I lay down with her a lot less. Maybe you could find a way to lay down beside your child or at least stay with her until she sleeps for a while? It really did help us.

I am worried about her getting jealous when we cosleep with the new baby but We will just have to see what happens. I am actualy looking forward to tandem nursing at bed time.


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