# Affirm with me:"I am not a freak, I am not a freak"



## MirandaW (Apr 22, 2002)

At least, not for breastfeeding my baby son!









After the church service, there was a Craft Workshop for the kiddies. I was speaking to one of the mom's and she is amazed that I have so many kids. She was also refereing to my dsd who is frequently with us. I was pleased for getting the compliment.

Later, Zilla needed a nap and really wanted to nurse. I normally nurse wherever, but don't like to at church. Could be because while people are very nice and supportive, they just don't get AP. One mother referred to my beautiful colorful Maya Wrap Sling as a "papoose". I don't think she meant it positively either! Which I just think is too bad because it would have made raising her three boys easier had she known about it.

At this point I am speaking to a friend (male) and he's all embarassed. I start to as discreetly as I can nurse little Zilla and THE MAN WON'T LOOK ME IN THE EYE. OR EVEN AT MY FACE!!







I really hate that!

Then the lady from before yells across the hall, "Wow! You do it all! More power to you!" But while I think she was being really supportive, it only highlighted how different we are from most families. I get tired of always seeming like the freak. I am tired of everyone commenting on my baby's eating patterns (and my oldest ds's "energy").

Why is this so weird? I just don't get it.


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## Mommiska (Jan 3, 2002)

((((hugs))))

The trick is...to realize that YOU are not a freak...you are a thoughtful, educated person who has made carefully informed choices which you believe are in the best interests of your children. That's a great place to be!

I just feel sorry for all those who look at the kinds of choices you have made and don't understand them...







:


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

I know what you mean

Heres some support for you. I get it!!!


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## MirandaW (Apr 22, 2002)

Thanks so much for the support Carolyn and Firemom. I just started attending LLL meeting just so I could see some mom's in real life who nurse their babies past six weeks. I belong to a AP Mamas group, but the meetings aren't convenient for my schedule anymore.
















I can't wait for the day when we lactating mamas of toddlers are the NORM!


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## Megs Mom (Mar 19, 2002)

I am not a freak.

I am about to join your ranks, as my DD will be one in 11 days. Sigh.

We are not freaks.


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## ebethmom (Jan 29, 2002)

I know what you mean about not feeling comfortable nursing at church. Just about anyplace else is fine (except in front of my grandfather!). But I do feel judged at church. Being a pastor's wife, I often feel judged.

There is one woman (in her early 70's) who asks if I still nurse my son, and she always says "Good for you! That's the best thing for him."









I just don't feel like dealing with the rest of them!


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Nursing moms of babies/toddlers and little nursing persons ARE the norm! Artificially feeding (ABM-artificial baby milk) moms are, well, I won't call them freaks, but they are guilty of taking part in an unprecedented medical experiment-- on their own children! (no offense to any moms here who had to ABMfeed, due to unfortunate circumstances, assuming on this board you know ABM is not best).

ABM is not even 2nd best.

!) breastmilk directly form the mother's breast
2) mother's own expressed breastmilk from another delivery system
3) donated breastmilk from another lactating human mom
4) gorilla or chimpanzee milk
5) ABM


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

We're not freaks. We're doing as nature intended.

It's this society collectively that's the freak on this issue.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Hmmmm.

I wonder how long Jesus nursed?







:


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## WickidaWitch (Feb 16, 2002)

YOU ARE NOT A FREAK.
THEY ARE JUST UNEDUCATED.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

I nurse in church. I'm very discreet, but unfortunately, dd2 (29 months) isn't. I don't let it bother me too much. No one has ever said anything either.


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## guest^ (Oct 29, 2002)

My friend who nursed her 1st tii she was 3 yrs, is always getting comments like that from people at her church. She is now PG w/4th and the comments have been along the lines of...."you won't have timwe to nurse this babe as long, or... get this babe a crib!!!"(not a CHance...she is anti-crib!)

I keep telling her that she is a wonderful rolemodel to these people, and that she needs to just not look to them for childraising supprt/advice!!

Please keep in mind that you know what is best for your baby.

Oh, and I am nursing my 16mos old and wll continue as long as possible!









Keep up the great work...God is the main player here...he will guide you!





































mamapoppins


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## MirandaW (Apr 22, 2002)

My church is pretty nursing friendly, at least with most of the people I associate with, kwim? I have never hesitated to nurse during the service, this was a workshop and there was no place to go and not be the center of attention. I wasn't worrying about being judged as much as worrying about Zilla's reaction to being in noisy chuch hall full of distractions. When the unusual comments started, *then* I felt rather conspicuous.

We are normal even if not the norm!


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## mamarosa (Oct 6, 2002)

Your story about the man you were talking to reminded me of when ds was only 6 days old (now 3), I went to a party at my sil's. I was standing, holding ds and nursing him. Two old friends came up to me, smiling, 'oh you had your baby'... Ds is actually done nursing and has fallen asleep, so I start to take him off the breast so they can see him. Well these two just turned right around and walked away. I was standing there feeling like a bit of a dolt.
But of course that sweet beautiful babe made me feel so good, it didn't last long. I can't remember now if they approached me again or not. hmmm...


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## yoga (May 1, 2002)

I haven't read all the posts, yet, but I had to say(write) this:

When I read the original post, and it said how a woman commented on all your children, I thought you must have 8 kids or something. Then, I get to your sig and see you only have 3 + 1. LOL That is _not_ a lot of kids in my book.

Oh, and embrace your freakiness. I'd rather be considered a "freak" than "normal", considering the choices ppl make these days...


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## yoga (May 1, 2002)

DaryLLL: On your list, I think it's safe to put Goat milk before ABM.


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## Chi-Chi Mama (Mar 13, 2002)

good for you for nursing your precious little one and shame on them!!

that's why I love MDC and you mamas here









I don't have any mama-friends like that IRL :sad

dh is a big supporter (even though he prefers that we go outside to nurse when he teaches his martial arts classes) and my family is coming around.. my dad has pretty much stopped with his silliness..

and my little sister is so used to it now.. i'm really excited!! I know when the time comes, she's going to be one proud b-feeding mama!

hey, if nursing makes you a freak, i'm PROUD to be one!!


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## rwikene (Jun 10, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by DaryLLL_
*
4) gorilla or chimpanzee milk
*
:LOL

that struck me as soooo funny!!!!! How many moms could you convince to give their child gorilla milk? hehehe, I understand why it would be better but could you imagine trying to milk a gorilla..you would have to teach it how to pump, wow that would be a sight at a zoo huh? :LOL


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## ignit (Aug 15, 2002)

I go out of the sanctuary to nurse at church, but have nursed plenty of other places. I constantly find myself explaining why I am still nursing 9-mo.old as well as the other AP things we do. It seems the short answer that it makes their IQ an average of 10 points higher impresses most of the uneducated inquirers. We too have a Maya Wrap, known to the family as "The Mole". It gets more remarks than the nursing. I was very proud when carrying the baby through the airport and a family struggling with a stroller (which had to be checked at the gate) stopped, regarded "the Mole" and exclaimed "WHAT A GREAT IDEA!" I hate strollers personally because I don't like the baby that far away from me in public, but the baby likes the stroller so we use it sometimes.

Anyhoo you are not a freak, I wish you went to my church!


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

I would go easy on the friend who wouldn't look you in the face or eyes while you nursed. Not all men can handle such a thing. Assuming you know this person isn't a jerk, it's possibly more an exposed-body-part or perhaps a trying to respect your space thing. It really isn't a negative reflection on them. Really. IMO.

And as an aside ...

Quote:

_Originally posted by Britishmum_
*Hmmmm.

I wonder how long Jesus nursed?







:*
Can't say for sure, but since he was a Jew around the time of the Second Temple can guess.

Jewish tradition states that _children are entitled to nurse_ until they are 2yo, and that children generally nurse 'til 2 or 3, and even 4 or 5 "if they are weak."

That's from the Talmud, codified not too long after Jesus' lifetime.










- Amy


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## mama2jonah (Jun 27, 2002)

That's true. And baby Isaac and Samuel both nursed for 5 years. They were only children.

Jewish mothers felt that the longer their children nursed, the stronger they would become. Tell that to you freinds at church, I do. And it always makes them stop and think.


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## cmnt2c (Nov 5, 2002)

Well girl....if you're a freak, then count me in to !! I'm still nursing our soon to be 2 year old ! We nurse whenever and wherever we happen to be when she's hungry.

I have LONG since thrown out my insecurities about nursing...I'm not what you would called - a vigilante - but very close to it.

I FF our son, let him CIO, he slept in a crib, wore disposies, fed solids at 3.5 months...why ? Cuz I was "supposed" to.

~

Fast forward 7 years, Christy has slept with me every night since birth, we exclusively breastfed till she was 13 months - THEN introduced solids, we cloth dipe and .....she still nurses anywhere from 8-12 times a day...not including nights.

IMVHO - I say go for it mama ! Stay strong - and do what's in your heart ! You are the ONLY one who knows what's best for your babies....no one else. PERIOD. Let them stare, talk, gawk, oogle, whatever !!!

I don't care anymore - honest...it used to consume me with worry about what other people thought....but, not anymore. I could care less.

HUGS to you and yours....you're not alone in the freaky mama club !!! ROFL


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## MirandaW (Apr 22, 2002)

I love being in the Freaky Mama's Club! I love being able to instantly sooth a tired, cranky, overstimulated baby no matter where we go. I love challenging peoples assumptions in a thoughtful, non-threatening manner.

You go girl!


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## angelfromalasaka (May 19, 2002)

i have nursed both kids at church.maybe its cause of where we live or cause my dh is 6 4 but no one has ever said anything. we went to a different church this week and i didnt plan on it but i did anyway !!!
that is right how long did Jesus nurse?
angel
mom to grace 3.5 and drew 25 months


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## mirlee (Jul 30, 2002)

All you have to do is look around you here in the Mothering community. We think you are normal! They're the weird ones.










Mir


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## NaturalMamma (Nov 22, 2001)

We are Christians and really like our church, but haven't found the Christian community to be very AP-educated. I have always thought this is so odd since I believe that AP is so in-line with Jesus' teachings. (Unfortunately you will find a lot of Christians interpret the verse "Spare the rod, spoil the child" to mean that God wants us to spank our children, but that's another thread...)

I get discouraged being the "different" one. I participate in LLL which reaffirms my AP style, but haven't made any close friends through there. The leaders seem pretty much established in their friendships and most of the other moms are either much younger than I am or aren't nursing a toddler. I really want to find a group of moms who are like me and hope that, one of these days, I'll find those "undercover AP moms" out there.


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## angelfromalasaka (May 19, 2002)

you can always say what I say.........
Do you think Jesus whould have spanked the kids?If he taught the story about not stoneing mary magdleine unless you hadnt sinned why would he hit a child?
angel


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## PookieLove (Feb 2, 2003)

Quote:

but haven't found the Christian community to be very AP-educated.
I think this might be a Protestant thing? I am Catholic and I actually first learned about EBF, cosleeping, etc, from my church!


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## Solange (Apr 10, 2002)

Not a freak
Not a freak
Not a freak
Not a freak


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## MirandaW (Apr 22, 2002)

I bring you guys with me wherever I go. So when someone makes YET ANOTHER idiotic, ill-informed, unasked for comment, I remember that *I* am the "normal" one and they are the freaks!

A relative called because she heard that another relative was giving me a hard time about nursing my ds and I am happy to say that I had no idea. I'm just that good at ignoring it. :LOL

Thanks!


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## cmnt2c (Nov 5, 2002)

Well, I finally heard the dreaded "Are you STILL nursing that child? She's WAY too old for that nonsense...I think it's sick- blah blah blah"

I politely smiled and said....."Yes. I am STILL nursing this child". I so wanted to say what I really felt - you know- one of those "zingers" at the right time....but of course, my mind went blank and I ended up feeling defensive and uncomfortable.

Mama's - what do you actually SAY ?? Thankfully it was from someone that well - I don't really care for much anyways - and seldom see. My family is very supportive so that's not a problem, but I'd LOVE to have an instant response !!!

Any ideas ?








Maura
Mama to Ryan(6) and Christine(27mos)


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## MirandaW (Apr 22, 2002)

Maura,

I usually play dumb and pretend like they are asking a valid question. "Why, yes I am still nursing. You know breastmilk has the optimum balance of essential fatty acids so necessary for brain development" (I use the brain development stat because being "smart" is a big deal in my family)

Other times I point out how much easier to sooth a cranky toddler by nursing. They finally just start sniping about it behind your back.







:


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Miranda, since I know you personally I can safely say you ARE a freak! I say that in the nicest, most loving way! And, not for nursing - heck dd nursed untill 4!

I do have to say things are getting better for us extended breastfeeding mommas. But, we still have a long way to go. You're not a freak for doing what comes natural - nurturing your child.

Ok, you're not a freak, I just wanted to say it :LOL You go mamma! You have my support. Remember, I'm MUCH freakier than you












































Gently,

Jacque


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## MirandaW (Apr 22, 2002)

It was really funny meeting with my kids school principal, a very distinguished gentleman, and just whipping out my boob and nursing my little guy. I forgot that its so unusual until I notice the averted eyes. :LOL

PS Gotta show dd your smilies, she loves watching them.


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## abigailvr (May 17, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by CK'sMama_
*I received the most disturbing and ignorant comment the other day from an uneducated, childless woman. She says to me ?How can you continue to nurse a baby with teeth? I am all for breastfeeding but when a baby gets teeth, that is nature telling you it is time to wean? What is that?!







*
I'm not anywhere near an extended nurser yet (DS is only 8.5 months old), but he has 6 teeth and that is what everyone asks about. "Doesn't he bite you?" "Do his teeth bother you?" Especially since babies biting at the breast have been promenantly featured in the newspaper (in For Better for Worse). Everyone's fascinated with DS' teeth on my boob.


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## gurumama (Oct 6, 2002)

The teeth thing--by that ridiculous logic, if babies with teeth shouldn't breastfeed, then people with teeth shouldn't be giving bl*w jobs!


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## abigailvr (May 17, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by gurumama_
*The teeth thing--by that ridiculous logic, if babies with teeth shouldn't breastfeed, then people with teeth shouldn't be giving bl*w jobs!*
:LOL

I am going to have a hard time resisting saying that to the next man who asks about DS' teeth and nursing!


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## Bekka (Nov 20, 2001)

Isn't there a reason that primary teeth are sometimes called "milk teeth"?


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## TigerTail (Dec 22, 2002)

bekka and guru, you have just given me the two best arguments (tailored for who is harassing) ever- i love it! not that anyone has dared (other than that b*tch at McDonald's, but that was not an age issue, but just that I should dare do it at all.)

suse


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Gurumama, I'm going to remember that one, just in case.


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## gurumama (Oct 6, 2002)

Thank you! I think I'll pull that one out for shock value if ever confronted by a bore.

DS is just 12 months and I haven't had any problems yet. Ever since he was born I've told family members we'd be bfing to at least 14 months out of my own selfish reasons--then I'd have nursed for a total of 24 months between the 2 kids, and my cancer chances would be lowered.

Then ds developed/has milk allergies, so now when asked about how long I'll nurse him when I tell them he has milk allergies and can't have too much soy because hypothyroidism runs in the family and too much soy can exacerbate it, I get total agreement that bfing him as long as necessary (2 or 3, in most folks' opinions) is wise.

Another thing I've found that works is to look at ds when questioned and say, "They're little for such a short period of time. In the blink of an eye he'll be driving, or off to college, or live a thousand miles away. They grow up so fast, don't they?" This really works well on older people who have older kids--it softens them and redirects the conversation.

Mel


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## burritomama (Aug 26, 2002)

I like all the snappy comebacks. I hope my mushy mommy brain can remember them all for the times we really need them.

My little guy turns one at the end of the month and we've been getting comments for some time now - I think because he is sooo large and has a mouthful of teeth

When I complained about this at work to a colleague, he (a bio prof) told me that if humans stopped breastfeeding when our little ones got teeth, we would have died out long ago.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

My pregnant best friend told me yesterday that she will wean when the baby gets teeth, "I don't want it to teethe on me." was her exact words. I couldnt think of anything to say ( she was always the 'cool' one in our relationship growing up and still sometimes intimidates me, kwim?) Next time she says that, which should be about the time mine starts to get teeth I will be sure to use that great comeback! Of course she will probably say something like, "Well, thats what formula is for." Grrr, she thinks that stuff is liquid gold or something (never bfed her 1st child) although she did admit that it stinks and makes the poop and burps stink.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

If you can do it such a way as to make her think without feeling attacked,...

ask her why can't the baby just be taught to not teeth on mommy? Isn't that why we have these big brains, to figure that kind of thing out?

Given that if babies need formula they still need nursing, ask her what our ancestors did before relatively safe formula came along, just allowed the early teethers to starve?


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## dandelions2 (Feb 18, 2003)

I was embarrassed to nurse my dd in church until she was about 3 months old. Then we were both comfy with nursing and I really didn't care anymore if anyone was watching. I gave up coving myself with a blankie. That just made me nervous. Why should I cover up anyways? I'm doing what God intended for my babies. More often then not, no one is even paying attention to us. Now that dd is 13 months, I still have yet to hear a negative comment or even get a "look."

You are not a freak!

Patti


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

I just thought I'd point out that there's no concrete link between soy and hypothyroidism (which runs in my family, too).


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## moonlightinvt (Jan 3, 2003)

The more we, as mothers, put aside the uncomfortable feelings that society inflicts upon us breastfeeders and do what is natural--at the moment--the more our children will reap the benefits.

We shouldn't have to feel like "Militant Moms" just for nourishing our little ones whenever and wherever they need it, but that is how I look at it at times. I feel like it is my duty to MAKE this society more accepting of this just by subjecting them to it--WITH A SMILE!

Thanks to you and all the Moms who posted for joining the fight!


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## doulamoon (Mar 17, 2002)

I am a freak, and proud to be so - last week my parents took our huge clan to California (all 25 of us). dd is the only grandchild out of 8 to get long-term mee-mees, (the rest were all weaned before 6 months, and 2 never even got colostrum) and I nursed all over Disneyland, Knott's, Universal, and Legoland. Not one member of the family made a comment, which in my loudmouth family is much more of an indictment than evidence of acceptance, believe me... but then, a couple of strangers stopped me in the hotel parking lot to give support and cheers - right in front of the family who were all in a line on the smoking balcony. Yay!


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## velcromom (Sep 23, 2003)

We are normal in a society that has become unbearably freaky. Sometimes I watch the news and think that maybe I was not meant to be born on this planet because it all seems so alien to me. Then I come here and breathe a sigh of relief! Thank you ladies for having the guts to be normal in an abnormal society!!


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## mthomas (Mar 20, 2004)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Britishmum_
*Hmmmm.

I wonder how long Jesus nursed?







:*
oooooh - great comeback!!!


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## mthomas (Mar 20, 2004)

i have to admit - before I had my son and started bf i thought it was strange to bf past age one - and forgive me ladies - a little icky. but I had enough sense even then to know that it was normal and it was just myself falling victim to society's misguided views. does that make sense? but now that I bf - still just a newbie, my guy is almost 3 months, I see how it's the most loving gift I can give my child. To nuture them at the breast, not w/just simply food, but love and closeness that bottle feeding lacks and to know that I"m giving him the healthiest start in his life, that will prob reduce health problems even into adulthood make me really proud of my body. anyways - moral of the story - you are ansolutely not a freak and shame on anyone who tries to make you feel that way!!


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