# When is it not ok for opposite sex siblings to share a room?



## inconditus (Oct 1, 2012)

When is it inappropriate for opposite sex siblings to share a room? Are there ways around this e.g. a folding room divider or curtain?


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## KSLaura (Jan 22, 2007)

I shared a room with my younger brother and sister until I left for college at 18. We had separate twin beds and usually changed clothes in the bathroom. We were poor... We all turned out fine as adults. I figure, 100 years ago, there was no reasonable expectation for children to have separate rooms/sleeping areas. I guess I don't think it is ever inappropriate (assuming no abuse in family). I do think that in this country, teenagers have the expectation of having their own space as they mature into adults. Nice to have if there's extra space and they want it. Not absolutely necessary though...


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

My kids shared a room by choice until my DD turned 12 and DS was 8. DS cried when DD decided to take the spare bedroom. I know my husband shared with his sister until she moved out at 19 (he was 11.) He comes from a big family and he was the only boy. It was just necessary. He said there were a couple years he was always locked out by a mopey sister but otherwise, it wasn't a big deal. They all changed in the bathroom.

I don't think it's inappropriate at all. I do think in the teen years, it's nice for both parties to have their space if possible but in situations where it's not, kids adapt.

I don't know how old you are talking but mine had "bed tents" so they had a way to close themselves in if they wanted. For older kids, I know there are some nice dividers. Ikea has nice loft bed set-ups that can give kids some individual space.


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

Adopted and foster families need separate rooms for boys and girls. Step-siblings should have them too. Past puberty if you CAN give them the option of separate rooms or at least private spaces then do so.


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## udonandbroth (Feb 2, 2004)

My kids shared a room for quite a long time, out of necessity. When ds#1 turned 13 we moved into a bigger space and now all three have their own rooms (dd, 11, ds#2, 9) People seem to get their undies in a bundle about brothers and sisters sharing a room, and it's nice if you can give them the space, but if you don't have the space, you don't have it. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. They still sometimes "camp out" together in the basement, again, not a big deal.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

My oldest girl and my oldest boy (6 years apart) share a room. People do get weirded out by it at times. For us it is a matter of necessity. Housing prices are expensive and bedrooms are not plentiful! Personality conflicts and special needs dictate that this particular sibling set must room share rather then the girls and then the boys.


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## junipermoon (Nov 19, 2008)

I really don't think there's a right answer here, unless there is some gut feeling that the placement is not appropriate, and that could happen w same gendered sibs as well. Doesn't have to be a sexually charged issue, either.


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## inconditus (Oct 1, 2012)

True. I'm just trying to get ideas. Unless we are able to move out of our current house, all our future hypothetical kids (only have one right now) will have to share a room... since it's a two bedroom but the master is HUGE!


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## fisherfamily (Dec 29, 2013)

My FIVE kids share a room. They prefer it that way. So, we have bunkbeds in one large room and turned another room into a large playroom. Just beds in one room (excepting treasures), and toys, etc, in the other. I really don't see it changing anytime.soon.

But, the kids use our whole.house. they are almost never in their.room except to sleep, and we have plenty of other private hidey holes throughout the house.


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## mar123 (Apr 14, 2008)

Back when my two girls were sharing a room (they are only 2 years apart), I wondered if it would be easier for one of them to share a room with their brother. The fighting of two hormonal girls is my personal hell. it. never. stopped. Their room was small, one is neat and one is sloppy, and they fought about everything. We never did have one share with the brother because then they would have fought over who got their own room. Two years ago, we had to short sell our house and we were able to rent a house with 4 bedrooms for pretty cheap (it looks like the 1980s still lives there, but it's spacious and a great neighborhood), and life is so much better with everyone having his or her own bedroom.

From reading these posts, it does seem like many of the opposite sex sharing rooms involves siblings with a pretty big age gap.


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

The idea of every kid having their own room is a bizarre concept for most of the world, and through most of our history. I would say, therefore, that there is absolutely no NEED for a child to have their own room.

My kids are 9 and 11, boy and girl, and they share a room because we live in a tiny, 2 bedroom home. My daughter gets dressed either in the bathroom or my (me and DH's) room. It's really no big deal.

Which isn't to say that I wouldn't like for them to have two rooms - there are times when it would make my life easier, say if each wants to find a quiet place to hang out alone (but one can always choose my room if they want). I put my son to bed first so he is asleep before DD comes to bed, otherwise they tend to gab and keep each other awake. But really, it's not a big deal.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

My kid set up is two girls, and then two boys, exactly in that order. My two girls fight like crazy over every little thing and the two boys have serious aggression issues with each other to the point where we have to keep them physically separate at all times. That is the reason that 1 boy and 1 girl share a room.

We've never had the master bedroom as an adult room, it has always been the kids because it was bigger and we sleep in the smaller bedroom.


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