# Military Moms - Sept. - Oct. 09



## ~Katie~

New thread!


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## kirstenb

Katie, I love that pic! Reminds me when DH met DS for the first time...


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## sapphire_chan

Going to visit dh between BCT and AIT. Anything I should definitely try to do on Family Day (besides a million pictures and videos of dh?)


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## Katsmamajama

I know my Family Day was a rushed deal, or at least it felt like it. Enjoy the time with him while you can, and I would recommend just hanging out-- maybe there's a park or something nearby? My Family Day with my parents seemed to end really fast, to me anyway. We cruised through the PX (bad idea, everyone goes there) and then spent a couple hours avoiding anyone remotely in a green uniform.


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## Katsmamajama

Copying this over from the last thread:

I have a question for you all. What do you do to "prep" your kids for when your SO deploys? Anything special?

Our first deployment with DD, she was just shy of turning 2. The most "prep" we could do for her was getting her used to talking on the phone, keeping a stockpile of "daddy shirts" on hand (his brown t-shirts, with his deoderant/cologne on them), and putting pictures of him around the house at her level. It's hard to explain to a child that young what's going on-- although, I did learn the hard way that it's a very BAD idea to let your child sleep through the final drop-off. We let DD stay awake and have daddy cuddles instead of her traditional lunchtime nap, thinking she'd be able to take one after we dropped him off at HQ at 2:00......wrong. She fell asleep in the car on the way there, and she sleeps like the dead. So when she finally did wake up (45 minutes after Daddy hugged her and her carseat goodbye, and after we went home!) he was gone....and we spent the next month and a half with her forcing herself to stay awake until she absolutely passed out from sheer exhaustion, and never letting me, my parents, or my grandmother out of her sight!

His latest deployments/schoolings, she's been old enough to understand that he has to go away for work, but he's going to be located here on the map, and he'll call/come home when he can. He spent a year in Korea between her 1st and 2nd grade years, and we set up Yahoo messenger and mail for her-- she could squeeze a quick chat online with him in the mornings or just before bed, and she could always email him from there. This actually seemed to help out her spelling/grammar, and she's getting much better at typing, too! Now that she sees DH daily, but not my parents, she gets online after school and she'll chat with my dad about what she's learned in the school day.

But I'm getting side tracked. We haven't tried this one, but I've heard a paper chain is a good idea-- usually adding a link for every day your soldier's gone, since Lord only knows when they're actually going to come back! Maybe a scrapbook/journal of pictures, thoughts, notes from your child during the deployment? Something that they can sit down after homecoming with, and share what has gone on.


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## Maluhia

The great thing about the paper chain is that you can sneak in at night and add more or remove some DEPENDING on the age of the child if the schedule changes.

I read somewhere about the child taking down the paper at the end of the day and writing a sentence about what they did - then they mail 10 or so at a time to Daddy who remakes the chain in his tent?


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## FiveLittleMonkeys

Subbing to this thread....

I'm Jen, I live in Hawaii with our 5 kiddos (ages 14, 12, 10, 8 and 3 months). We're just getting ready to embark on yet another year long deployment









Looking forward to getting to know like-minded mamas!


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FiveLittleMonkeys* 
Subbing to this thread....

I'm Jen, I live in Hawaii with our 5 kiddos (ages 14, 12, 10, 8 and 3 months). We're just getting ready to embark on yet another year long deployment









Looking forward to getting to know like-minded mamas!

I'm in Hawaii too!
Are you on the local AP board? It is about 50/50 military/local Moms


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## kristenok18

Hi Ladies!









Dh is AGR in the WI guard, and is a new WO. He's currently at Ft. Jackson for 2 months for the basic course. He's been gone for short periods ever since going into the AGR program 5 years ago, but this is the longest. When he's finished, he's eligible for deployment, so I'm guessing that'll be happening sometime before june of next year (his estimate).

I grew up in the military (navy), so I feel like I deal with his absences fairly well. This time, however, I feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and I can't figure out why. The realization that this is nothing compared to what it'll be like when he goes for a year or more may be coloring my view. Doing all the yardwork by myself after a full day of other activities and coming in exhausted and sweaty at dinner time, and wanting to either cry or order pizza instead of face cooking might also be coloring my view. I feel myself falling farther and farther behind in just household upkeep tasks, mainly because by dinnertime I'm just too exhausted to go in and clean the kitchen, etc. And thinking about preparing for winter by myself (yard, garden, house, etc) is almost overwhelming to me.

How do you guys adjust to longer separations? How do you manage to stay on top of things?


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## sapphire_chan

: Dh is at Ft. Jackson, too. He'll be done in about four weeks.

I wish I had advice for you, but I got my mom to fly out three weeks earlier than originally planned and I have an apartment and I'm still feeling overwhelmed.

One thing, if your LO(s) are old enough for you to consider it, plan to have someone babysit them for a few hours here and there. I'm not yet comfortable with leaving Lina with someone and it's really weighing to be 100% responsible for her even when other people are playing with her and keeping her out of immediate harm.


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## LeslieB

Katie, love the new picture. So cute!

We're almost packed up to head back east to Ft. Bragg.

If anyone's interested in doing a DITY for your next PCS, we're using ABF to do our move. It's somewhat similar to a POD, but it's an actual trailer off a tractor-trailer. You fill what you need, install a barrier, and then the company uses the rest of the trailer for commercial shipping. So it's a pretty good price. So far, so good, but I'll have to give my final report when our stuff arrives to us at Fort Bragg.


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## EdnaMarie

I am getting closer to living a real army life. Trying to decide if I should buy furniture here in the U.S. or in Germany (we have practically none). Cheaper here, but even at Ikea? Will they have Ikea near Baumholder?

Also intimidated in the face of this, lesson 1.4.

We write thank-you notes and all that, the shaking hands part is no problem, but do I need a cocktail dress? My DH is a specialist and hoping to advance and apply for OTC when he gets his citizenship. Eeek. Informal was "a dress or skirt"!

To all those deploying / spouses of deploying: HUGS.


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## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FiveLittleMonkeys* 
Subbing to this thread....

I'm Jen, I live in Hawaii with our 5 kiddos (ages 14, 12, 10, 8 and 3 months). We're just getting ready to embark on yet another year long deployment









Looking forward to getting to know like-minded mamas!









Hey Jen!!


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Also intimidated in the face of this, lesson 1.4.

We write thank-you notes and all that, the shaking hands part is no problem, but do I need a cocktail dress? My DH is a specialist and hoping to advance and apply for OTC when he gets his citizenship. Eeek. Informal was "a dress or skirt"!


Can't access that - but yeah if your DH is going to be an officer, a skirt can be a good thing. I was teasing today that the higher ranking my DH gets the more lip gloss I end up "having" to wear at welcome teas, hail and farewells, appreciation dinners, luncheons, etc. It is a choice to participate for sure - so feel free to make that one on your own, but once you join and participate it makes good sense not to come sloppy.


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## EdnaMarie

Thanks, Kailua! Are you sure you can't access it? It says it only works with Explorer but in fact it does work with Firefox. I would know.









We don't know if DH will go for a career yet. But he already has a master's and is just waiting on citizenship. Time will tell how well we're suited to this- we have three years to decide.









I will be sure to include a few "nice" suit-dresses and things I'd like to wear out. I like social functions and I want to make sure that if DH does want the career, he has the support he needs.


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## Alohamelly

Hey! I'm here. My husband is getting ready to leave at the end of this month. Third time to Iraq.


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## FiveLittleMonkeys

We started the deployment (#3) last night. I wish it got easier each time, but it just doesn't.


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## remijo

to all you mommas whose husbands are gone...

DH passed the Army OCS board today, he goes back later this week and swears in and gets his ship date. So we aren't officially in, but pretty much. Then he'll leave for basic, OCS, training, etc. while I have this baby. I'm proud of him and hope he'll really be happy in doing this. I think it is a much better option for him than a civilian job and he is really excited.


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## EdnaMarie

Oh, mamas, three deployments.


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## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FiveLittleMonkeys* 
Subbing to this thread....

I'm Jen, I live in Hawaii with our 5 kiddos (ages 14, 12, 10, 8 and 3 months). We're just getting ready to embark on yet another year long deployment









Looking forward to getting to know like-minded mamas!

Me too!


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## tallanvor

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Going to visit dh between BCT and AIT. Anything I should definitely try to do on Family Day (besides a million pictures and videos of dh?)

Go somewhere off base in the neighborhood. When DH graduated from basic we went to the zoo. Wasn't near as cool as when I was a kid, but we were able to really spend some time together and not feel like we were surrounded by other grads. So, check out the neighborhood and see what's there.


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## tallanvor

Oh, and are there any other moms here from Nellis?


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## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallanvor* 
Go somewhere off base in the neighborhood. When DH graduated from basic we went to the zoo. Wasn't near as cool as when I was a kid, but we were able to really spend some time together and not feel like we were surrounded by other grads. So, check out the neighborhood and see what's there.

He's not allowed off-base until after grad when we'll be driving him up to AIT.


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## MommytoNakoa

It's been awhile, thought I'd say hey!


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## Soul-O

Hi Everyone:

It's been awhile since I was active on this thread. Looks like there is a lot of movement in our lives, which is the norm in military family life!

As for us, my DH is leaving at the same time as Melly's DH - end of the month (Melly - I think we're in the same BN, right?). I'm the FRG leader for our company, so I'm staying busy with putting together events for the coming months and keeping in contact with the soldiers' family members. I'm trying not to think too much about the deployment; however, the reality of it hit me when DH brought home his orders last night







. His absence will leave a big, gaping hole in our household. I'm sure the hole will fill some in time as we all become busy with activities and such, but won't be completely repaired until he returns. We have a craft fair coming up so that the unit kids can make deployment related crafts (i.e. daddy dolls, counting chains etc.) prior to the deployment. Do any of you have good ideas for deployment crafts that can be made by young children?

TIA, and have a blessed 9/11 Remembrance Day.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hi Everyone:

It's been awhile since I was active on this thread. Looks like there is a lot of movement in our lives, which is the norm in military family life!

As for us, my DH is leaving at the same time as Melly's DH - end of the month (Melly - I think we're in the same BN, right?). I'm the FRG leader for our company, so I'm staying busy with putting together events for the coming months and keeping in contact with the soldiers' family members. I'm trying not to think too much about the deployment; however, the reality of it hit me when DH brought home his orders last night







. His absence will leave a big, gaping hole in our household. I'm sure the hole will fill some in time as we all become busy with activities and such, but won't be completely repaired until he returns. We have a craft fair coming up so that the unit kids can make deployment related crafts (i.e. daddy dolls, counting chains etc.) prior to the deployment. Do any of you have good ideas for deployment crafts that can be made by young children?

TIA, and have a blessed 9/11 Remembrance Day.


Yeah, I think they are in the same. And that's a good way to put it - a big, gaping hole in our household. I feel the same way.


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## tallanvor

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
He's not allowed off-base until after grad when we'll be driving him up to AIT.


Oh. Well, in that case, see what services the base has. Maybe you could go bowling. Our last base had an indoor playground/amusement park. There are usually a few fun things to do, you just have to look for them.


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## Blueone

Hi, I'm new here and an army wife. My husband deploys in January and we have a 2 month old son. We live in Watertown just by Fort Drum. Anyone else out there?

I'm also new to this lifestyle, my husband joined back in February so any tips on deployments with a baby would be great!


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 







to all you mommas whose husbands are gone...

DH passed the Army OCS board today, he goes back later this week and swears in and gets his ship date. So we aren't officially in, but pretty much. Then he'll leave for basic, OCS, training, etc. while I have this baby. I'm proud of him and hope he'll really be happy in doing this. I think it is a much better option for him than a civilian job and he is really excited.

Yay! Congrats to him!

I'm actually on my way home from my deployment. This sounds crazy, but our vehicle was hit by a suicide bomber on Tuesday while were in Kabul. By the grace of God, we're all alive and not injured too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

I'm in Germany right now, in Landstuhl. (if anyone is close, I'll be here until Tue a.m.) I'm in the medical hold building, Rm #101. I'm going home on Tue, if the Dr. thinks I'm not bad enough to go to a burn center in TX.


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## lalemma

I'm grateful that you're (mostly) okay. What an experience to have, my God. May the rest of your trip home be completely uneventful!


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## remijo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I'm actually on my way home from my deployment. This sounds crazy, but our vehicle was hit by a suicide bomber on Tuesday while were in Kabul. By the grace of God, we're all alive and not injured too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

I'm in Germany right now, in Landstuhl. (if anyone is close, I'll be here until Tue a.m.) I'm in the medical hold building, Rm #101. I'm going home on Tue, if the Dr. thinks I'm not bad enough to go to a burn center in TX.

Sending good vibes to you, glad to hear you're making it home.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Yay! Congrats to him!

I'm actually on my way home from my deployment. This sounds crazy, but our vehicle was hit by a suicide bomber on Tuesday while were in Kabul. By the grace of God, we're all alive and not injured too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

I'm in Germany right now, in Landstuhl. (if anyone is close, I'll be here until Tue a.m.) I'm in the medical hold building, Rm #101. I'm going home on Tue, if the Dr. thinks I'm not bad enough to go to a burn center in TX.

I am so glad you are alive. I hope you get to go home.


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## kristenok18

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Yay! Congrats to him!

I'm actually on my way home from my deployment. This sounds crazy, but our vehicle was hit by a suicide bomber on Tuesday while were in Kabul. By the grace of God, we're all alive and not injured too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

I'm in Germany right now, in Landstuhl. (if anyone is close, I'll be here until Tue a.m.) I'm in the medical hold building, Rm #101. I'm going home on Tue, if the Dr. thinks I'm not bad enough to go to a burn center in TX.

How frightening! Thank God you are here, and hopefully you will have a speedy recovery from your injuries. (((hugs)))


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## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Yay! Congrats to him!

I'm actually on my way home from my deployment. This sounds crazy, but our vehicle was hit by a suicide bomber on Tuesday while were in Kabul. By the grace of God, we're all alive and not injured too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

I'm in Germany right now, in Landstuhl. (if anyone is close, I'll be here until Tue a.m.) I'm in the medical hold building, Rm #101. I'm going home on Tue, if the Dr. thinks I'm not bad enough to go to a burn center in TX.

Wow!! I'm happy to hear there were no serious injuries and I hope your burns heal fast and you don't need to go to the burn center in TX.


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## sapphire_chan

Sarah, thank goodness you're alive. I hope that the burns don't feel horrible now and that you'll be able to go home Tues. (or sooner!)


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
This sounds crazy, but our vehicle was hit by a suicide bomber on Tuesday while were in Kabul. By the grace of God, we're all alive and not injured too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

oh Sara all the healing thoughts i can muster in the world go out to you and your unit. please take care and heal fast, I am thinking of you


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## Blueone

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Yay! Congrats to him!

I'm actually on my way home from my deployment. This sounds crazy, but our vehicle was hit by a suicide bomber on Tuesday while were in Kabul. By the grace of God, we're all alive and not injured too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

I'm in Germany right now, in Landstuhl. (if anyone is close, I'll be here until Tue a.m.) I'm in the medical hold building, Rm #101. I'm going home on Tue, if the Dr. thinks I'm not bad enough to go to a burn center in TX.

Glad to hear you are alive and doing well. That must have been scary.


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## sapphire_chan

So there's now a race. I shipped two boxes by Priority mail, one bag (envelope-like, but lumpy) by first-class mail, and placed an order on Amazon.com (shipped via a market place seller) all today within an hour of each other.

Which will reach dh first? Which will make his DI laugh the hardest? Or will it be the sheer volume of cough drops (okay at Ft. Jackson) that sprains their laugh muscles?


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## ~Katie~

I'm so sorry, Sarah. Thank God you are okay!

Hugs to all of you dealing with upcoming deployments, you and your spouses are in my thoughts.

Adorkable - I would have really loved to see a smilie for the military. I have them on every other board I use without a problem. Unfortunately, I have encountered some hostility toward the military here. I think this is a situation where the minority is ruling for the rest of us and this is MDC's solution for avoiding a conflict.

DH leaves this week. This R&R went by too fast. I hope that the rest of this deployment goes quickly, particularly for DS's sake. DH is really the missing piece for him and they have such a good time together. He's not very keen on being disciplined by DH and tries to pull a fast one on him so I think that will be our biggest issue once he's back home for good. The only thing harder than having to say goodbye once is doing it twice


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
So there's now a race. I shipped two boxes by Priority mail, one bag (envelope-like, but lumpy) by first-class mail, and placed an order on Amazon.com (shipped via a market place seller) all today within an hour of each other.

Which will reach dh first? Which will make his DI laugh the hardest? Or will it be the sheer volume of cough drops (okay at Ft. Jackson) that sprains their laugh muscles?

Priority will get there first or at the same time as first class.








E-bay addict!









Amazon may have a lag.


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## remijo

Finally got our ship date! DH leaves on Feb 16 to Ft. Jackson for basic then to Benning for OCS then to wherever for training. The timing is good and bad. He will be home for the birth and to meet the baby but gone for his/her whole first year practically. I almost wished he was gone for the pregnancy more and back sooner but that's the way it works.


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## gagin37

Just now making it over to the new thread. Dh has been on leave for the last couple weeks and we've been really busy as a result. We just got back from a quick weekend trip to DC which was a lot of fun. neither of us had ever been, so we saw a lot of the memorials and monuments.

SarahW- so glad you are ok, I can't imagine how scary that must have been. Wishing you a speedy recovery and trip home!


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## HappyFox05

SarahW - Glad you're (mostly) ok & I hope the burns heal well. And please forgive me for thinking, "Finally - another MDC mama who's been blown up". As a (up til retirement last Oct) military member & a mom, I've always felt like a bit of an outsider. We'll keep you in our prayers.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
Finally got our ship date! DH leaves on Feb 16 to Ft. Jackson for basic then to Benning for OCS then to wherever for training. The timing is good and bad. He will be home for the birth and to meet the baby but gone for his/her whole first year practically. I almost wished he was gone for the pregnancy more and back sooner but that's the way it works.

Good luck mama, and good luck to your DH. Basic is very intense, as it should be, but OCS tends to be unnecessarily crummy (i.e. lots of movement and communication restriction that seems to be without purpose). My DH left for OCS 10 days after our youngest was born, and only saw him twice prior to graduation even though we lived at Fort Benning! Do you have any idea of what your DH prefers for branching?


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## Sarah W

I should be manifested tonight and flying to the US tomorrow!

I do think there should be a military smilie. I don't think it's as contentious as a "I support the war" banners. There are military families and those families have members who are deployed. Politics aside, there should be that type of support for members.


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## ~Katie~

Glad you're going home, Sarah!

DH left today







This was over way too quick. Let's hope that the next 7 or so months fly by.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
DH left today







This was over way too quick. Let's hope that the next 7 or so months fly by.


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## ~adorkable~

a early welcome home fore
Sarah!
a big hug for Kattie


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## Soul-O

Sarah: Good to hear that you are safe and sound back in the states. Here's to a speedy recovery!

Katie:







. I hope the next seven months go by in a flurry of fun activities and great memories for you and your two.

Here's a question to spur some conversation: What is your best suggestion for self-care while your DH/SO/DW is deployed? I'm working a lot on making sure my kids will be supported, but haven't thought too much about myself, beyond scheduling activities to keep busy and hiring a regular sitter for 1 - 2 mornings per week so that I can get out on my own. Thoughts from the more experienced mamas?


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 

Here's a question to spur some conversation: What is your best suggestion for self-care while your DH/SO/DW is deployed? I'm working a lot on making sure my kids will be supported, but haven't thought too much about myself, beyond scheduling activities to keep busy and hiring a regular sitter for 1 - 2 mornings per week so that I can get out on my own. Thoughts from the more experienced mamas?

Those are two important things. I don't have a regular babysitter but it would be nice if I did every once in a while. I think for a while it's a good idea to have low expectations of yourself until you figure out a routine. I give myself permission to have down days where I take a break from things and hang out in my pj's and watch movies with the kids all day. It's really important to have "you" time, for me that tends to be after the kids go to bed but I will honestly spend 4 hours sitting on the couch doing nothing but reading or watching TV or using the internet and I don't feel guilty about it. I need to shut off my brain for a while.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Those are two important things. I don't have a regular babysitter but it would be nice if I did every once in a while. I think for a while it's a good idea to have low expectations of yourself until you figure out a routine. I give myself permission to have down days where I take a break from things and hang out in my pj's and watch movies with the kids all day. It's really important to have "you" time, for me that tends to be after the kids go to bed but I will honestly spend 4 hours sitting on the couch doing nothing but reading or watching TV or using the internet and I don't feel guilty about it. I need to shut off my brain for a while.

The movie day sounds great! I was thinking that regular exercise, even it's just 30 minutes of Wii Fit or a long walk with the kids & doggie, would be key to keeping spirits up. This area is notorious for causing seasonal depression in the winter because there is little sunlight, so taking advantage of good weather will be important.

Katie: I did have to mention that I both smile and have tears when I look at the picture in your profile. Your DD is so lovely and full of joy, and it's obvious how much your DH is enjoying her in the picture. I get a sense from the photo of how difficult it is for the deployed person, who is missing their children but is aware of the need to finish the mission.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MangoMommy* 
I totally agree. The military is much more than just "killing people"







. Pick a natural disaster...our military is there.

This is so true. Many years ago, I dated a Seabee, and his construction battalion was deployed to just about every natural disaster one could think of (i.e. typhoons, hurricanes etc.) to rebuild. Our military does a lot of wonderful humanitarian work in many parts of the country, and does not get much notice for doing so.


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## ~Katie~

Oh yes, exercise is crucial! I like to walk for at least 45 minutes with the kids every night, it releases a lot of feel-good hormones and helps me unwind a lot. I'm looking into getting Wii Fit for the winter time, how do you like Wii Fit?

And thank you for your compliment about the picture







That was DH holding her for the first time, he wouldn't even wait for me to get out of the car so that's where their first pictures together were taken. I added some of R&R to my album for whoever is interested. I think for both of us we view this as a mission, for me it's an exercise in learning about all of my strengths as a mother and partner. This isn't really something you get over, it's hard no matter how you look at it, it's just a matter of accepting it as reality and learning to make it work as best as you can.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Sarah: Good to hear that you are safe and sound back in the states. Here's to a speedy recovery!

Katie:







. I hope the next seven months go by in a flurry of fun activities and great memories for you and your two.

Here's a question to spur some conversation: What is your best suggestion for self-care while your DH/SO/DW is deployed? I'm working a lot on making sure my kids will be supported, but haven't thought too much about myself, beyond scheduling activities to keep busy and hiring a regular sitter for 1 - 2 mornings per week so that I can get out on my own. Thoughts from the more experienced mamas?

Before DH was in training with the military, he was overseas working anyway, also in Afghanistan.

I have found that the following helps me:

1. Have a community. For me it's the YMCA. I hardly know the people there but I can put my kids in the nursery, we can go swimming there, and we can take classes that put a kind of spine or skeleton upon which to hang our weekly routine. Plus they have fun stuff like camp for kids and "Parents' Night Out" when you can leave your kids for a paltry sum and go have fun. Which brings me to:

2. Routine. We get up to the alarm so that we can go to bed on time. We go shopping on the same day of the week every week for a whole session (4 - 8 weeks) at the YMCA. We eat a hot breakfast. We always get dressed, no matter what. We always leave the house at least once for a walk, if for nothing else. These are tips for staving off depression, for keeping alive. Also, when DH comes home, he comes home to a real home that is functioning, predictable, and active. It's not like we've all been amoebas and he has to somehow activate us. Yes, we depend on him, but he can also depend on us.

3. I am trying to keep in touch with the military community in small ways (we get the Army Times, LOL, I never finish half of it, but I try!) at least now, will be bigger when he's actually at work. I want to start doing things for deployed soldiers even when he's not deployed. That way, I can feel more connected to him when I speak to him, to talk to him about things he can more easily relate to.

4. I'm going to counseling once a month. This has more to do with past, pre-Army problems but guess what: Tricare covers it!!! I'm totally planning on continuing.

So, those are my business trip / training coping mechanisms.


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## remijo

EdnaMarie,

Those are some great tips! I think those will really come in handy for when DH leaves in February. Thank you!


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## Soul-O

Thanks so much, EdnaMarie! Your suggestions are terrific! I would like to put together a list of the suggestions everyone has posted here for my FRG families - is that OK with all of you?

One option I didn't mention in my previous post.. get involved! I'm a company level FRG leader, and I joined the Officer Spouses Club. These activities keep me busy, and they offer the opportunity to serve others and also be served. I have met some great wives that I wouldn't otherwise have met because their DHs are in different units. I have also met with the upper echelon officers (i.e. garrison commanders, generals etc.), and been able to relay our concerns about deployments, post life etc. to them. I am not typically a "joiner", but I do like volunteer work, so these activities fit the bill.


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## Katsmamajama

I'm totally having a preggo-brain moment, but to add on to the baysitter idea: Some installations have a program where spouses can get so many hours of free childcare, so you have some "me time" even if it's just running to the commisary. I can't remember for the life of me what it's called, though!

When DH deploys here, I try to focus 50-50 on keeping DD busy, and working on myself. One deployment, I worked on losing my baby weight. Or, I work on the house-- nothing serious, but just making some things better-- organizing closets, sorting out the kitchen and gettng matching dishes (that was a big one!), things like that.


----------



## lalemma

Can I ask a question of those of you who've had a baby while your husbands were away?

My husband is away for a few weeks right now for training, which I'm finding tougher than I would have expected (I'm at the end of the second trimester, first kid). He just told me there's a non-zero chance he'll be sent off in October for more training, training that would basically take him right up to my due date. So a pretty good chance that he'd miss the birth.

I'm not sure how to think about this. On the one hand, I know that if I have to do it, I can do it. Women give birth by themselves all the time. I'm sure it's no one's first choice, but you make it work.

But I also find it a completely overwhelming idea. How did those of you who've done this wrap your minds around the idea?


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
Can I ask a question of those of you who've had a baby while your husbands were away?

My husband is away for a few weeks right now for training, which I'm finding tougher than I would have expected (I'm at the end of the second trimester, first kid). He just told me there's a non-zero chance he'll be sent off in October for more training, training that would basically take him right up to my due date. So a pretty good chance that he'd miss the birth.

I'm not sure how to think about this. On the one hand, I know that if I have to do it, I can do it. Women give birth by themselves all the time. I'm sure it's no one's first choice, but you make it work.

But I also find it a completely overwhelming idea. How did those of you who've done this wrap your minds around the idea?

I was at my mom's. That helped. Had a midwife. Frankly, we'd been going through some rough times so I didn't really want him there except as one human wants another human to see his child being born. I didn't want him to miss that, but I didn't miss him, if you know what I mean. Not at that time. That doesn't answer your question but that's how I did it.







:

Anyway, re: smileys... let's not get _this_ thread closed. Technically, we aren't supposed to debate moderation policy, or other threads, anywhere on MDC. I'm not a mod (HAH! so far from it, LOL) but I just know it's going to happen. I can see it coming.


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## sapphire_chan

Dh is about a month away from finishing his National Guard BCT and is thinking of switching to regular Army. He's been told that he could do that by seeing an Army recruiter in between BCT and AIT and that would let him go to AIT for a different MOS than his current one. His current one was chosen mainly because with him going into the reserves, we didn't want to move just for the one weekend a month. It's a vital one, but not one that uses any of his college training.

So his comparison lists (+ = pro, - = con) which I'd like you all to tell me if they're accurate

Active Army
+ steady job
+ improved benefits
- spending more time deployed
+ can get an MOS he wants
- have to move away from family to join unit
- may have to get rid of the cats

National Guard
- have to find a civilian job quickly
+ bonus and student loan repayment (may be available with active Army?)
+ less stressful training schedule
+ more control of life (like being able to move to a different state)

Really, it'd be better for him to go full-time Guard if that'd let him change MOS since one of his reasons for enlisting in the Guard was the chance to help out people in natural disasters and such.

We'll be in Columbia, SC one evening after BCT and in Richmond, VA for at least one afternoon and one day before he goes to AIT. Who should I call and how should I start the dialog?


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 

Active Army
+ steady job
+ improved benefits
- *spending more time deployed* I can't decide how to make this BIGGER on this list, but it needs to be, in SO many ways.
+ can get an MOS he wants
- have to move away from family to join unit
- may have to get rid of the cats lots of military family have pets, I'm not sure why you'd "have" to get rid of the cats

National Guard
- have to find a civilian job quickly
+ bonus and student loan repayment (may be available with active Army?)
+ less stressful training schedule
+ more control of life (like being able to move to a different state)


Have him go into the Guard and change his MOS one he is in there - the people who are trying to change his mind have an interest in him filling a job in the regular Army where your MOS can be ignored for the "Needs of the Army."


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Blueone* 
Hi, I'm new here and an army wife. My husband deploys in January and we have a 2 month old son. We live in Watertown just by Fort Drum. Anyone else out there?

I'm also new to this lifestyle, my husband joined back in February so any tips on deployments with a baby would be great!

My ILs are from up there - beautiful country! Wish I knew anyone but really I know there is a great community down at Salem Christian Church in Beaver Falls just south of you, that's it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
too badly. I've got burns on my hands and ears, a couple on my arms.

I'm in Germany right now, in Landstuhl. (if anyone is close, I'll be here until Tue a.m.) I'm in the medical hold building, Rm #101. I'm going home on Tue, if the Dr. thinks I'm not bad enough to go to a burn center in TX.

Holy Moly Sarah! I'm glad you are okay - how long will you be back for? Is this the end of your deployment or do you go back after healing?


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
Can I ask a question of those of you who've had a baby while your husbands were away?

<snip>

I'm not sure how to think about this. On the one hand, I know that if I have to do it, I can do it. Women give birth by themselves all the time. I'm sure it's no one's first choice, but you make it work.

But I also find it a completely overwhelming idea. How did those of you who've done this wrap your minds around the idea?

I had DS while DH was deployed overseas. He left when I was about 30 weeks and didn't come back until DS was 4.5 months. The thing that helped me the most was that it wasn't a surprise. We knew there was a good chance that DH was going to deploy that spring when we got pregnant, so I had plenty of time to come to terms with it. I didn't go home to have DS, but my parents came out right after he was born to help out. I had a very close friend (another military wife) who had a few kids be my labor coach. While I wish DH was there, I was so glad to have my friend there because she knew what I was going through and was a big help to me during labor and delivery (probably more than DH would have been, if I'm being honest).


----------



## lalemma

Quote:

Who should I call and how should I start the dialog?
I think he should talk to an active duty recruiter - and then you might want to double-check everything the recruiter tells you (I don't actually think that recruiters are lying to you, but especially if the MOS he's interested in is a bit more obscure, I think recruiters often just don't have all the right information to share). If the recruiter tells him he can guarantee loan repayment (something I think they should be able to give him), a specific MOS, a specific school, etc. get it in writing before signing anything!


----------



## lalemma

Quote:

While I wish DH was there, I was so glad to have my friend there because she knew what I was going through and was a big help to me during labor and delivery (probably more than DH would have been, if I'm being honest).
Good point. I guess my first stop if this happens should be lining up a good doula?

Quote:

I didn't want him to miss that, but I didn't miss him, if you know what I mean. Not at that time. That doesn't answer your question but that's how I did it. :
Thank you! That makes total sense.


----------



## Maluhia

A good doula is GOLDEN especially with a possible not-home DH. I even paid mine extra to be my "partner" in birthing classes.


----------



## remijo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
Can I ask a question of those of you who've had a baby while your husbands were away?


Personally, I was a little upset when I found out DH was going to be here for the birth because it means he will be gone longer after the baby was born. (And this is his first baby too). Now, he will be here for the birth and about a month after but then he's gone for nine months. The other ladies had great suggestions - find a doula or a family member so that you don't feel all alone among indifferent nursing staff. Second, rejoice in your strength for being able to do this alone and know that he will be home soon to meet the baby. Most husbands/fathers feel pretty ineffectual the first couple weeks anyway because there's not much they can do. And I know its a stupid reason but its only recently that men were even allowed in birthing rooms. This was primarily a woman's thing like up until the 70's or so. Not that I want to go backwards in time and forget the great strides we have made but there are many more women who have given birth alone than those that have had their husbands at their sides.


----------



## remijo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Dh is about a month away from finishing his National Guard BCT and is thinking of switching to regular Army. He's been told that he could do that by seeing an Army recruiter in between BCT and AIT and that would let him go to AIT for a different MOS than his current one. His current one was chosen mainly because with him going into the reserves, we didn't want to move just for the one weekend a month. It's a vital one, but not one that uses any of his college training.


I don't know if going enlisted is different but since DH is a college option going straight to Officer School in the active army, he does not get to pick his MOS unless he graduates at the top of his class. They will pick one for him. Its definitely an incentive for him to do better but please look into all of it before you make a decision.


----------



## ~Katie~

Missed the Fort Drum post! We went to college in Potsdam, NY and DH did drill at Fort Drum, I'm not there now but it's not a bad place to live. Lots of new housing has been going up, there isn't a ton of stuff to do but it is farely small town-ish compared to other posts.

lalemma - Lots of great advice so for. I ended up giving birth to DD two weeks after DH left on this deployment. We didn't end up finding out that he'd be deployed sooner until I was 5 months pregnant, and then didn't get a straight answer as to whether he'd be here for the birth until a month before he left. Her birth really shaped my perception of everything, all of these ladies can vouch for my rotten mood after we knew DH was leaving.

I was really resentful and angry, but her birth felt like some kind of message to me that this is just the way it was supposed to be. She was born accidentally unassisted, and that was definitely the next best thing compared to him actually being here for the birth (not that I'm saying you should do the same). It's okay to be angry about this and hurt, but do your best to not let it reflect on your pregnancy, birth, and baby. That is the greatest piece of advice I can give you, I think in the military you're often told to just abandon your emotions and move on and forget about it but that isn't healthy for anyone. Find a doula and do your best to make this as memorable and positive of an experience as you can. Take lots of pictures and videos, and be as involved in the process as possible.


----------



## georgia

Hi, posts have been removed that were in violation of the User Agreement and FYT forum guidelines.

Quote:

Do not post or start a thread to discuss member behavior or statements of members made in other threads or to criticize another discussion on the boards.

Quote:

Concerns, constructive criticism and questions of clarification regarding the User Agreement or moderator and administrator actions are best addressed directly to the moderator or administrator by private message or personal e-mail. Please do not post on the board to debate, criticize, argue or challenge the MDC User Agreement, the moderators, administrators, or their actions. If private messages or emails are not successful, see Recourse for further steps.
Please PM me with any further questions, criticism or complaints. Thank you!


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 

Have him go into the Guard and change his MOS one he is in there - the people who are trying to change his mind have an interest in him filling a job in the regular Army where your MOS can be ignored for the "Needs of the Army."

I agree. Why did he sign up for the guard in the first place? My DH is Army for many reasons, but there are lots of MOSes (um... that didn't work







) in the guard, too.

Deployment is not only time away from you and baby. It's time spent in a very harrowing situation, and while I am proud of my husband and every person that makes that choice, it's not something I would weigh lightly, you know?


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 

Have him go into the Guard and change his MOS one he is in there - the people who are trying to change his mind have an interest in him filling a job in the regular Army where your MOS can be ignored for the "Needs of the Army."

Definitely helpful

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
I think he should talk to an active duty recruiter - and then you might want to double-check everything the recruiter tells you (I don't actually think that recruiters are lying to you, but especially if the MOS he's interested in is a bit more obscure, I think recruiters often just don't have all the right information to share). If the recruiter tells him he can guarantee loan repayment (something I think they should be able to give him), a specific MOS, a specific school, etc. get it in writing before signing anything!

That sounds hard to do in the couple of days between BCT and AIT.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
I don't know if going enlisted is different but since DH is a college option going straight to Officer School in the active army, he does not get to pick his MOS unless he graduates at the top of his class. They will pick one for him. Its definitely an incentive for him to do better but please look into all of it before you make a decision.

He's interested in an MOS that's directly related to his degree, graduated with honors, he's used to working hard and really understands the area, getting in the top of his class wouldn't be a problem for him at all if it mattered.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I agree. Why did he sign up for the guard in the first place? My DH is Army for many reasons, but there are lots of MOSes (um... that didn't work







) in the guard, too.

Deployment is not only time away from you and baby. It's time spent in a very harrowing situation, and while I am proud of my husband and every person that makes that choice, it's not something I would weigh lightly, you know?

Yeah. And how.

Thank you everyone! I'll pass that all on to him and let him decide if he still wants me to talk to active duty recruiters.

I think part of what he's worried about is not having a job after he's back from deployment since he's not really able to apply for jobs what with the whole going away for who knows how long who knows when.

He's also feeling like he had no real choice in his MOS since with his colorblindness there were only like 6 he could apply for at all and there was only one available in driving distance of our home.


----------



## lalemma

Active duty recruiters tend to be really on top of their stuff! If your husband goes in one afternoon, they should be able to give him LOTS of information in just an hour or so. It shouldn't be a process that takes days and days.


----------



## sapphire_chan

In the middle of writing up your info for dh, he called and told me he'd sent a letter saying nevermind.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Ahhhh went to get on EFMP today. It took forever to get there and then I had to run around. Everyone was super, super helpful and sometimes I think I've gone back in time, people are so nice at the Army. I still didn't get halfway done. I should be filling in forms and stuff to apply for an expedited passport for DD2 (we're going on civvy passports, called "tourist" passports by some but I hate that because none of us got our passports for tourism- we got them for work, DD1 to follow mommy and daddy to work...) and to get on EMFP. There is so much stuff to do! Eeeks!

And storage is FULL of boxes... I need to go to the container store and then spend a whole day sorting and packing. Am waiting until DH arrives to do that.


----------



## DebraStorm

Haven't posted to MDC in awhile & just popped back in. I am Debra, momma to 2...ages 10 & almost 8. DH is active duty Navy & we are stationed in Japan.


----------



## remijo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DebraStorm* 
Haven't posted to MDC in awhile & just popped back in. I am Debra, momma to 2...ages 10 & almost 8. DH is active duty Navy & we are stationed in Japan.









Hi! How do you like Japan? I think it would be awesome but unfortunately since we're Army, I don't think its likely.


----------



## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DebraStorm* 
Haven't posted to MDC in awhile & just popped back in. I am Debra, momma to 2...ages 10 & almost 8. DH is active duty Navy & we are stationed in Japan.









Aloha Debra!! I have a very good friend in Yokosuka, she loves it!







We are in Hawaii and Okinawa is on our list but we are trying our hardest to stay in Hawaii. DH doesn't want Japan unfortunately.







We've done a tour in Italy too, living overseas is such a fun adventure!


----------



## EdnaMarie

Well, we didn't get her passport application in. They didn't accept the evidence that DH couldn't come. I'm afraid we'll never make it in time because the command said we had to have our passports BEFORE he could even leave his training station! Well why are they just giving us all of these papers now? I'm so confused and sad. I don't think we'll ever get there. I've filled in tens of forms and we keep going in circles. Nobody can help us figure out what we need, when, and what has to be done first. Everone keeps telling us, "Well why don't you have..." and I keep saying, "I didn't know I needed it. I'm new to all of this. It's our first duty station, our first PCS, my husband is not even done with AIT yet."

Please, someone, help us. Nobody at Ft. Lewis can help me until I'm on his orders, but I can't get on his orders until... I don't know what. I have to have all of us screened, then they have to send a form to Germany, then to Texas, then here, THEN we can book our move.

By then, DH will be gone and I'll be doing it all myself. I am literally crying right now thinking about it. I haven't eaten all day because I have NO TIME to eat, my kids did not nap, NOTHING is happening but this move and yet... even the move isn't happening.

Is it like this all the time with the army?

The one thing I thought it would be is organized.


----------



## MangoMommy

EdnaMarie--are you guys getting no-fee passports thru the base? I know when we got orders for Italy, I had to do the screening (it was prekids), go to an overseas move class (where they explain everything!), get on EFMP (because of my asthma), get the no-fee passport done and my tourist one too.

What base are you guys going to? Sometimes the bases have websites that can help. Have you looked at militaryonesource.com additional info? On the side is "plan your move" and that might help.

And yes, welcome to the military!!


----------



## EdnaMarie

There are no classes, no info for me, the spouse, because we are not stationed here at Ft. Lewis. The only reason I'm there is that my spouse is in training and this is where I live.

I can't believe that people from Bellingham or Spokane would have to drive out, get a hotel, and stay here until the process is done.

In fact maybe that's what I'll ask them. Suppose I lived four hours away and had a special needs child. THEN what would I do, instead of driving back and forth 90 minutes each way every day?

I am on militaryonesource.com and onestoparmy.mil.

But none of them let you do this part of the process online... or else I haven't found it.

I've been told we need EFMPs even though none of us has special needs. (That's from military.com... ???)

We are supposed to get no-fee passports through the base. The earliest appointment is seven days before we are supposed to leave. The passports take six to eight weeks to arrive. Pretty useless! I hope all our soldiers get passports when they enlist, otherwise they're gonna have a lot of people late to their duty stations!


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
There are no classes, no info for me, the spouse, because we are not stationed here at Ft. Lewis. The only reason I'm there is that my spouse is in training and this is where I live.

not sure if i am a huge help, but i am at Ft. Lewis so feel free to ask if there is something i can do.

Quote:

We are supposed to get no-fee passports through the base. The earliest appointment is seven days before we are supposed to leave. The passports take six to eight weeks to arrive.
i know that folks with plane tickets can get same day service in Seattle, certainly not free, but maybe the army has access to that same speed when it needs to. or in a pinch you can just knuckle down and pay.

Quote:

Pretty useless! I hope all our soldiers get passports when they enlist, otherwise they're gonna have a lot of people late to their duty stations!
Soldiers do not need passports for anything that involves the army, my Beloved has never had one and he was stationed in Germany in the 80's and has been to Iraq twice. He has also been on a mexico vacation with me and just had to have hid DOD ID and papers. So if they are sending him there, i would not worry, he'll be fine.


----------



## mmgrimm

Edna Marie- We live here at Fort Lewis and we have been stationed as a family in Germany. So if u have any questions feel free to PM.

I know for sure your DH will not need a passport...only his orders and ID card. You and DC will need a passport with a visa that allows u to live in Germany and not visit. The first thing to do is make sure ur DH has command sponsorship for ur family to have a concurrent travel with him. This will be noted in his orders to Germany.

The whole EFMP thing is to make sure that no one in ur family has any medical or educational needs that would either prevent being stationed in Germany or where in Germany to be stationed.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Ack, I lost my post.

Bref- Thanks, mmgrimm and Adorkable.

You reminded me that I need to get pages in my passport for my visa. Can we get our visas in our civilian passports?

We had planned to pay- it's not THAT much more for express service- but it still takes two weeks.

So if we buy plane tickets, then they'll do it faster, but if we are cautious and plan ahead, they take their time. Great. Good to know. Is this an ask-for-forgiveness-not-permission type system?


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Is this an ask-for-forgiveness-not-permission type system?

yep, sadly


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
Edna Marie- We live here at Fort Lewis and we have been stationed as a family in Germany. So if u have any questions feel free to PM.

I know for sure your DH will not need a passport...only his orders and ID card. You and DC will need a passport with a visa that allows u to live in Germany and not visit. The first thing to do is make sure ur DH has command sponsorship for ur family to have a concurrent travel with him. This will be noted in his orders to Germany.

The whole EFMP thing is to make sure that no one in ur family has any medical or educational needs that would either prevent being stationed in Germany or where in Germany to be stationed.

His orders say family can go, but we're not listed in them.

We are trying to get listed...


----------



## mmgrimm

Edna Marie- The reason for getting the passport through the military is they secure your visa for the length of your DH orders. Also without command sponsorship you cannot get military housing in Germany. Doing an overseas PCS move their are different rules than a stateside PCS when it comes to having your family with you. You really need to get the command sponsporship and military passports...I have seen when families show up without the proper paperwork and it was not good.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Oh we are not going without sponsorship! How is that even possible? We can't afford the tickets, the moving of all our stuff, without the military. It's not even a question in my mind, don't worry. The question is, how can we physically do this so that we're with him when he goes three weeks from now if I haven't been able to get DD2's passport because both parents need to be there? Etc.

Can we go without the residency visa, just as Americans, and then get that while in the Schengen zone, once we have our no-fee passports? So that I don't have to face the prospect of flying with a couple of kids all by myself?


----------



## mmgrimm

Unfortunately this happens all the time its called nonconcurrent travel...which the soldier heads out to report and the family comes later. The problem with travelling on the civilian passport is it is only good for so many days...if the military passports don't come in that time you have to leave the country.


----------



## DebraStorm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
Unfortunately this happens all the time its called nonconcurrent travel...which the soldier heads out to report and the family comes later. The problem with travelling on the civilian passport is it is only good for so many days...if the military passports don't come in that time you have to leave the country.

I agree.

We had to wait on our no-fee passports & had to do nonconcurrent travel. We just did that in July.


----------



## DebraStorm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
Hi! How do you like Japan? I think it would be awesome but unfortunately since we're Army, I don't think its likely.

Hi there! We love it for the most part. We're having a hard time with the Commissary not carrying any organic food at all & the selection of things such as produce is so sad for the price it is. You get 4 medium apples for around $10.







We are going to check out some produce markets out in town on payday. Praying we find some good produce there!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MangoMommy* 
Aloha Debra!! I have a very good friend in Yokosuka, she loves it!







We are in Hawaii and Okinawa is on our list but we are trying our hardest to stay in Hawaii. DH doesn't want Japan unfortunately.







We've done a tour in Italy too, living overseas is such a fun adventure!









Konnichiwa! That is awesome that you have a friend here. If she is looking for a new buddy, I always up to meeting new people. Would you mind asking her if you can pass along her contact info to me?! I don't know a lot of people here yet.


----------



## Soul-O

Hey Mamas:

DH is leaving very shortly (i.e. within the next few days), so I'm trying to prepare myself for the departure scene. Would it be best to drop him off at the bus, say a quick goodbye, and be on our way; or stay with him and the bus until they actually leave? I'm trying to put the departure in the best possible light for the kids, and also minimize the sadness. How do you cope with departures?

TIA!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hey Mamas:

DH is leaving very shortly (i.e. within the next few days), so I'm trying to prepare myself for the departure scene. Would it be best to drop him off at the bus, say a quick goodbye, and be on our way; or stay with him and the bus until they actually leave? I'm trying to put the departure in the best possible light for the kids, and also minimize the sadness. How do you cope with departures?

TIA!

We waited until he actually got on the bus and left. It was important to me to spend as much time together as possible before he left and to get those last few hours in with DS, and while it was hard to watch him walk away I knew that we had been able to spend those last moments together. When he left there were many families there saying goodbye so it was a shared sadness. It's hard no matter how you do it. Many







to you, mama and I will be praying for your DH's safe and quick return to you. We're here if you need us.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
We waited until he actually got on the bus and left. It was important to me to spend as much time together as possible before he left and to get those last few hours in with DS, and while it was hard to watch him walk away I knew that we had been able to spend those last moments together. When he left there were many families there saying goodbye so it was a shared sadness. It's hard no matter how you do it. Many







to you, mama and I will be praying for your DH's safe and quick return to you. We're here if you need us.

Thanks Katie. This is great advice. I think my DH would feel worse about leaving if he was one of the few sitting in the parking lot without his family.








for you and yours as well.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hey Mamas:

DH is leaving very shortly (i.e. within the next few days), so I'm trying to prepare myself for the departure scene. Would it be best to drop him off at the bus, say a quick goodbye, and be on our way; or stay with him and the bus until they actually leave? I'm trying to put the departure in the best possible light for the kids, and also minimize the sadness. How do you cope with departures?

TIA!

Our husbands are leaving at the same time, I'm guessing. We are going with him and are going to stay until the very end. We'll be with him for as long as they let us. It's going to be very hard on my 2yo son, but I hope to find a good distraction for him after my husband leaves by going to a park or something. I am worried about the coming days and months. He is really going to miss daddy.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hey Mamas:

DH is leaving very shortly (i.e. within the next few days), so I'm trying to prepare myself for the departure scene. Would it be best to drop him off at the bus, say a quick goodbye, and be on our way; or stay with him and the bus until they actually leave? I'm trying to put the departure in the best possible light for the kids, and also minimize the sadness. How do you cope with departures?

TIA!

I don't know if this is of any use to you, but we ended up saying good bye and then seeing dh again before he really left. We dropped him off at 7:30 one morning and then the next afternoon he called to say he was still in town and we ended up going to dinner together.

Helped me. Don't know how kids would take to it though.


----------



## Soul-O

Today was the day. We did our best to stay until the soldiers got on the busses, but I ended up leaving with the kids about 15 minutes before they left because I just couldn't take it any more. I have already run through several emotions, but am just feeling resigned at this point. I know that the kids and I will make it through the next year and hopefully will thrive rather than just survive.

Thanks for everyone's positive thoughts and suggestions. I'll keep up with this thread a little better now as I should have more time to myself in the evenings after the kids go to bed, which is a small consolation for losing my wonderful DH for the year







.


----------



## kristenok18

Hugs to you, Soule-O. May the year pass quickly.


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## ~Katie~

Lots of hugs for you, Tabitha. I know what you mean about the resignation. You are both on a mission now and you will find that even though you're far away, you'll support each other more than you ever knew you could. You will find strengths in yourself that you never knew existed. I hope that this next year passes quickly for you both, just keep lining goals up for yourself and pushing toward them. You will be surprised at how quickly it goes.


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## MangoMommy

I'm sorry about his deployment.







Give yourself some time to grieve (that's how I felt anyway) and then try to find your groove. This time of year goes fast, that's the good thing, so it will be 2010 before we all know it. I find that once we get our groove/routine things just go faster.


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## EdnaMarie

Oh Katie, I don't know if I posted before, but now that the pic is your avi, I just have to say that it's soooo wonderful. I have a couple of DH and DDs1 & 2 like that. It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

How is your husband doing?


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Oh Katie, I don't know if I posted before, but now that the pic is your avi, I just have to say that it's soooo wonderful. I have a couple of DH and DDs1 & 2 like that. It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

How is your husband doing?

Thank you







I added some of R&R to my album as well. It was really great having him home, definitely gave me the push I needed to get through the rest of it.

DH is doing well, he left on the 17th and it took him close to a week to get back to Afghanistan. He's having sleep issues now and only gets 4 or 5 hours. I sent some melatonin with him but he said it doesn't help.

I need some food help with DH as well. He works nights and so he pretty much eats the heavily processed junk that people send to him in the mail during meal time. He said that eating at the DFAC is the equivalent of what is sent to him anyway and he doesn't always have the opportunity to leave and go get it. He also doesn't take the time to work out because he's sleeping so poorly. You can see where I'm going with this (ahem, quite a bit of weight to lose now). So what do I send this guy that will hold up in the mail and isn't junk? It has to qualify as a meal since that's what he uses it to replace.


----------



## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
So what do I send this guy that will hold up in the mail and isn't junk? It has to qualify as a meal since that's what he uses it to replace.


Good question. I can hit up my DH (who is in a constant battle with weight/tape) and see what he would recommend.









I'll get right back to ya.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Today was the day. We did our best to stay until the soldiers got on the busses, but I ended up leaving with the kids about 15 minutes before they left because I just couldn't take it any more. I have already run through several emotions, but am just feeling resigned at this point. I know that the kids and I will make it through the next year and hopefully will thrive rather than just survive.

Thanks for everyone's positive thoughts and suggestions. I'll keep up with this thread a little better now as I should have more time to myself in the evenings after the kids go to bed, which is a small consolation for losing my wonderful DH for the year







.


----------



## EdnaMarie

@ Soul-O

@KatieJD, would healthy snacks that he can eat instead of chocolate (raw nuts, dried fruits) help? Can they buy off-base in Afghanistan?

Unfortunately I think fresh is generally key when it comes to eating a healthy diet. However, cod liver oil and natural walnut and almond butter can help reduce appetite.

His sleep problems are almost certainly due to stress. When I had sleep problems I used to pray for a good night's sleep... I got it when I prayed. However, I'm thinking that's like asking for a miracle in Afghanistan.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 







@ Soul-O

@KatieJD, would healthy snacks that he can eat instead of chocolate (raw nuts, dried fruits) help? Can they buy off-base in Afghanistan?

Unfortunately I think fresh is generally key when it comes to eating a healthy diet. However, cod liver oil and natural walnut and almond butter can help reduce appetite.

His sleep problems are almost certainly due to stress. When I had sleep problems I used to pray for a good night's sleep... I got it when I prayed. However, I'm thinking that's like asking for a miracle in Afghanistan.

They don't have a PX or any type of place to buy food where he is. Anything he needs (non-food items included) have to be mailed by family members or whatever he managed to bring with him. He has a notoriously horrible diet, something he tends to sneak when he's at home because I don't allow junk in the house. Pair that with only having to take a PT test once a year and he's probably in the worst shape he's ever been. It worries me because he has high cholesterol and the Mediterranean diet we normally follow at home he can't do there. He seems to think it's okay to eat bacon every morning because "he had an egg-white omelet as well". I've been sending him nuts and dried fruit but I have a feeling he's giving away the healthy stuff. I have insomnia also and I agree that stress is a big factor. He said he managed to get about 9 hours during the day yesterday so he seems to be getting himself evened out. I'll have to make a trip to Trader Joe's soon and see if I can find some good tasting healthy stuff that I know he'll eat.

I told him if he manages to lose 50lbs. I'll let him fulfill his dream of being a movie star


----------



## Madalyn

I guess I could jump in here!







I'm an air force wife stationed in Florida.


----------



## mmgrimm

I would not eat anything "fresh" on the economy in Afghanistan.

KatieJD- Does ur DH like tuna? I would send DH tuna packets with single serve mayo and relish packets. He would eat those with crackers or bread from the DFAC. Also alot of can veggies and fruit have pop-tops...so DH would eat them as is. Dried Fruits and Mixed Nuts are also good ideas. We also found it hard on his diet when he was in Afghanistan...except it was the opposite way...he is very picky about what he eats so he came home weighing about 120 lbs.


----------



## mmgrimm

Soul-O
I hope you and your family are doing good!


----------



## Katsmamajama

@KatieJD, I might have some answers for you!







DH was a little confused, he'd never heard of anyone going downrange and actually putting weight on! From his experience, if the PX isn't there yet, then the gym is probably junk anyway, and the DFAC....I don't think I can actually say what he said about the food (T rats) there if that was the scenario. Although, he did ask if your DH was the type who just looks at a piece of cake and puts on 5 pounds because usually the food doesn't usually stick around for long, the way he put it. But of course, he also blames the T rats and some of the crazy downrange foods for his current digestive problems, so he might be a tad biased.

He recommended the tuna lunch kits, or the pouches of flavored tuna. He likes to have those around, becuase he can fit it in his cargo pocket and have it anytime, and it's not loaded with total junk. On the plus side, he said that if the PX isn't there, then there shouldn't be soda to tempt your DH-- however, there's most likely coffee and the assorted flavors and sweeteners somewhere in the vacinity of his workspace or living area.


----------



## mntnmom

I'm hoping someone can help. I'm trying to have a homebirth in Germany. I have the website to search for midwives, but I was hoping one of you ladies might have information about English speaking midwives in the Kusel area. Landstuhl isn't doing referrals right now, so I'll have to switch to prime or pay out of pocket. but I'm trying to find someone before I make any commitments. Thanks


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katsmamajama* 
@KatieJD, I might have some answers for you!







DH was a little confused, he'd never heard of anyone going downrange and actually putting weight on! From his experience, if the PX isn't there yet, then the gym is probably junk anyway, and the DFAC....I don't think I can actually say what he said about the food (T rats) there if that was the scenario. Although, he did ask if your DH was *the type who just looks at a piece of cake and puts on 5 pounds* because usually the food doesn't usually stick around for long, the way he put it. But of course, he also blames the T rats and some of the crazy downrange foods for his current digestive problems, so he might be a tad biased.

He recommended the tuna lunch kits, or the pouches of flavored tuna. He likes to have those around, becuase he can fit it in his cargo pocket and have it anytime, and it's not loaded with total junk. On the plus side, he said that if the PX isn't there, then there shouldn't be soda to tempt your DH-- however, there's most likely coffee and the assorted flavors and sweeteners somewhere in the vacinity of his workspace or living area.

That is him exactly.

This is the first time my DH has ever been away from home and not lost weight. He's naturally a huge muscular guy, but because he's not running he has developed a bit of a spare tire. He eats to deal with stress also, which wouldn't be such an issue if he was working out. Our DFAC is one of the best supposedly, but lunch and dinner are non-existent in the middle of the night when he's working. I think he's probably using breakfast as his main meal so he eats a lot and then goes to sleep. The problem is that we have many friends and family members who want to send something and I think they hear that he doesn't have a PX and all of a sudden he ends up with 10 boxes of junk food, I'm at least somewhat happy that he ends up giving a lot of it away. He has his own coffee maker and people send him coffee and creamer and sugar. I didn't even think of the tuna lunch kits and canned fruit, I will pick some of those up this week. I'm trying to motivate him to start the running plan I'm on, and I told him that I'm not allowed to look better than him so he better get his butt in gear


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Madalyn* 
I guess I could jump in here!







I'm an air force wife stationed in Florida.

Welcome, Madalyn! I was wondering when you'd find us


----------



## gagin37

Maybe some healthy granola type stuff? I've seen recipes for making it at home, but I don't know how that would hold up in the mail??? dh gained weight while he was over there too. Most of the time he was stuck at a desk on the night shift, so he also ate a huge breakfast then went to bed. He also didn't do any PT the entire time.


----------



## LeslieB

KatieJD, does he like food bars? There are some great healthy ones that are packed with calories, so maybe he could eat those to fill him up so he won't snack on junk food.
Probars and Mealpack bars are great for that.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
I would not eat anything "fresh" on the economy in Afghanistan.


Because of sabotage? I could see that, but as a civilian in Afghanistan (I lived there for three years) I really enjoyed the food. They have some of the best fruits in the world. The lamb is great!

Of course, the question of how to obtain those from a reliable source, as a soldier, is entirely different. But presumably they trust their translators.


----------



## Katsmamajama

I don't think much has changed, when I was enlisted and we were deployed to Albania, we were told not to accept anything local unless it was distributed by the military-- like the "near beer" they offered at the canteen on the Air Force/NATO side of the flight line.


----------



## Maluhia

I'd go for the flavored tuna packets for sure, canned fruit in water and maybe some chocolate protien powder to make his own protien drinks to fill him up on less fatty stuff?

And maybe send out an email to family and talk about how you two are doing a "biggest looser" competition from afar - so send him healthy so he has a chance!

Also - stuff his care packages with Mens Health and the like, make his leisure time about something like National Geograpic Adventure (hiking), or other themed magazines to get him in the mood to be in better shape.


----------



## mntnmom

Mostly, it's just an attempt to control the situation. My husband ate the local food in Afghanistan( he was on a small firebase), yes he had frequent "intestinal issues"... but so did the guys who just ate at the chow hall.
It really does depend on what you're doing and where you are. DH just got back from Iraq, and had almost no contact with the locals at all because he was on a large base stuck in an office, working nights.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Because of sabotage? I could see that, but as a civilian in Afghanistan (I lived there for three years) I really enjoyed the food. They have some of the best fruits in the world. The lamb is great!

Of course, the question of how to obtain those from a reliable source, as a soldier, is entirely different. But presumably they trust their translators.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
I'd go for the flavored tuna packets for sure, canned fruit in water and maybe some chocolate protien powder to make his own protien drinks to fill him up on less fatty stuff?

And maybe send out an email to family and talk about how you two are doing a "biggest looser" competition from afar - so send him healthy so he has a chance!

Also - stuff his care packages with Mens Health and the like, make his leisure time about something like National Geograpic Adventure (hiking), or other themed magazines to get him in the mood to be in better shape.

Those are great ideas! I will save these ideas for care package time. I was going to suggest raw almonds, but I think someone has already done so.

AFM: We are doing pretty well. The first night alone in the house was a bit tough on everyone, especially our doggie who barked at every little noise and kept us all up







. However, we seem to be settling in some. We have new sports for the older boys starting up in a week, and art classes for my smaller kiddos. I haven't felt very well lately, so not much cooking, but we are eating nutritiously. I've been connecting with other unit wives, especially my neighbor whose DH is the Chaplain for our unit, so I really don't feel alone. I think Halloween will be a bit tough, as DH loves to dress the kids up and take them out trick or treating







. I have heard from him a couple of times so far, and anticipate talking to him every other day or so.

Thanks everyone for thinking of us. Hope all is well with all of you.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mntnmom* 
Mostly, it's just an attempt to control the situation. My husband ate the local food in Afghanistan( he was on a small firebase), yes he had frequent "intestinal issues"... but so did the guys who just ate at the chow hall.
It really does depend on what you're doing and where you are. DH just got back from Iraq, and had almost no contact with the locals at all because he was on a large base stuck in an office, working nights.

Yeah, I'm not saying giardia is not going to happen, or that someone could always easily get "regular" food, just was curious about the reason, if it was like a general ban or what.


----------



## ~Katie~

I think me telling him that I'm not allowed to look better than him got him in gear







He's been working out after breakfast for the past week. I'll definitely take your food recommendations and get him some things on my next shopping trip.

Now I need to rant about housing. I am so DONE with on-post housing and the crime. I've had my GPS stolen out of my car twice, and now my wallet is gone. My wallet was in my house. Every single neighbor around me has had something either stolen or vandalized. This is a community-wide issue since the spring, and no one has been caught yet. It is most likely teenagers. I am determined to move off post once DH gets back. I don't care if it costs us more money, having security knowing that there is less criminal traffic around my house is worth it to me.

Tabitha - Great that you have activities to keep the kids busy. That will help a lot. It will take some time to adjust but you will settle in and get yourself into a routine. Having support through your unit is going to be extremely helpful for you as well.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Those are great ideas! I will save these ideas for care package time. I was going to suggest raw almonds, but I think someone has already done so.

AFM: We are doing pretty well. The first night alone in the house was a bit tough on everyone, especially our doggie who barked at every little noise and kept us all up







. However, we seem to be settling in some. We have new sports for the older boys starting up in a week, and art classes for my smaller kiddos. I haven't felt very well lately, so not much cooking, but we are eating nutritiously. I've been connecting with other unit wives, especially my neighbor whose DH is the Chaplain for our unit, so I really don't feel alone. I think Halloween will be a bit tough, as DH loves to dress the kids up and take them out trick or treating







. I have heard from him a couple of times so far, and anticipate talking to him every other day or so.

Thanks everyone for thinking of us. Hope all is well with all of you.

Glad you are doing well. We are struggling badly here. Fortunately, we have activities to keep us busy during the day, but evenings are very hard. I can't believe it's only been 5 days or so since my husband left. It already feels like he's been gone forever. I'm having a hard time keeping it together. At least tonight I managed to make a decent dinner - meaning it didn't come from a restaurant or out of the freezer!


----------



## Alohamelly

We went and had our picture taken yesterday through http://pmdaportraitsoflove.com/index.php Definitely worth doing if they are in your area.

Why does everyone have to be so nice to me? I'm so sensitive that it makes me cry and it's embarassing.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
We went and had our picture taken yesterday through http://pmdaportraitsoflove.com/index.php Definitely worth doing if they are in your area.

Why does everyone have to be so nice to me? I'm so sensitive that it makes me cry and it's embarassing.

This reminds me, OPlove will also do free pictures before, during, and after a deployment.

I was very emotional during the start of our deployment also, I swear I cried at least once a day and cried a lot in the car for some reason. It does get easier







Don't feel embarrassed about crying, it really helps to release those emotions. This is hard, no doubt.


----------



## DocsNemesis

Hey mama's. I'm not a military mom-yet-but my fiance is concidering joining the airforce. There's still a lot of questions for us before he makes a decision and he's waiting until this baby is born and a little older before even thinking of it.

My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

Anyway, as a result, if he were to get stationed elsewhere I'd either have to leave my kids (not going to happen) or he'd have to go alone. Right now this is the biggest deciding factor as to whether he's joining or not. He wants to be a mechanic (aviation).

It's kind of funny not knowing now what's normal since I'm from a military family! (My grandfathers were both war vets, my uncle is a vet, my dad is a vet, and a lot of my friends in highschool were army kids-or joined after graduating themselves.)


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mntnmom* 
I'm hoping someone can help. I'm trying to have a homebirth in Germany. I have the website to search for midwives, but I was hoping one of you ladies might have information about English speaking midwives in the Kusel area. Landstuhl isn't doing referrals right now, so I'll have to switch to prime or pay out of pocket. but I'm trying to find someone before I make any commitments. Thanks

I'm so sorry I hope another Mama knows the answer - I sure don't!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DocsNemesis* 
Hey mama's. I'm not a military mom-yet-but my fiance is concidering joining the airforce. There's still a lot of questions for us before he makes a decision and he's waiting until this baby is born and a little older before even thinking of it.

My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

Anyway, as a result, if he were to get stationed elsewhere I'd either have to leave my kids (not going to happen) or he'd have to go alone. Right now this is the biggest deciding factor as to whether he's joining or not. He wants to be a mechanic (aviation).

It's kind of funny not knowing now what's normal since I'm from a military family! (My grandfathers were both war vets, my uncle is a vet, my dad is a vet, and a lot of my friends in highschool were army kids-or joined after graduating themselves.)

I think moving every 2 years is normal - longer than that is "lucky" and less is not abnormal. Honestly - I think custody issues with step kids is a HUGE hurdle for a military family and I know more than one military Mama who can't follow her DH because she legally has to stay in one place for the courts or give her kids to an XH.

In your situation I don't think I'd encourage DH to join the military.


----------



## DocsNemesis

Yeah, I was kind of thinking the same thing. We are planning on moving one way or another, to SC-the other side of the country-in 3-4 years and my ex knows this. We agreed to figure out custody/visitation at that time. Obviously if he were in the military, we'd end up moving...well, who knows where! But at that point it won't be such a big deal, since my kids will be a bit older, in school, and better able to understand long periods of time without mom or dad. Maybe we'll just put this off for a few more years and see where we are at that point.

Also-Hi all you Ft. Lewis moms! I grew up in Tacoma and Lakewood and I'm about an hour north of Tacoma now, though my mom still lives there.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
This reminds me, OPlove will also do free pictures before, during, and after a deployment.

I was very emotional during the start of our deployment also, I swear I cried at least once a day and cried a lot in the car for some reason. It does get easier







Don't feel embarrassed about crying, it really helps to release those emotions. This is hard, no doubt.

We contacted all of the Op Love photographers in our area before my husband deployed so we could take family pictures. It was really disappointing. Two of them weren't doing Op Love photos at the time, one of them moved away and the others never returned my emails or calls at all.

I can't believe how emotional I am this time around. I've done this 3 times before! I guess this time there's just more at stake since we have more kids and we really miss him a lot.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DocsNemesis* 
Hey mama's. I'm not a military mom-yet-but my fiance is concidering joining the airforce. There's still a lot of questions for us before he makes a decision and he's waiting until this baby is born and a little older before even thinking of it.

My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

Anyway, as a result, if he were to get stationed elsewhere I'd either have to leave my kids (not going to happen) or he'd have to go alone. Right now this is the biggest deciding factor as to whether he's joining or not. He wants to be a mechanic (aviation).

It's kind of funny not knowing now what's normal since I'm from a military family! (My grandfathers were both war vets, my uncle is a vet, my dad is a vet, and a lot of my friends in highschool were army kids-or joined after graduating themselves.)

My husband is Army, but I'm an AF brat. We moved around, but not as much as most people think military moves around. We were in Denver for 5 years, Hawaii for almost 10 .. so my dad's job was pretty stable. I wish I could say the same for my husband!


----------



## Madalyn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
I think moving every 2 years is normal - longer than that is "lucky" and less is not abnormal. Honestly - I think custody issues with step kids is a HUGE hurdle for a military family and I know more than one military Mama who can't follow her DH because she legally has to stay in one place for the courts or give her kids to an XH.

In your situation I don't think I'd encourage DH to join the military.

I agree. Not to sound totally pessimistic but the odds of getting a base within an hour or so of where you live now is probably slim to none. DH and I are from NC. When he filled out his dream sheet of assignments in bootcamp he put a NC base at the the top of the list and then worked his way down the east coast. We did get a base that was on his list (which I believe that in itself is rare) but it was of course the one at the bottom the furthest away from our family.

Oh and my husband is a mechanic too.


----------



## gingerstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DocsNemesis* 
My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

I don't know if this would work for you, but we had friends who shared custody as a military family, and the way they did it was 6 months with mom, then 6 months with dad, wherever the family lived at that time. They split it so that the kids were in school here one semester, then switched at the holidays and began school in January at the other home. But yes, it would be very hard, however you did it.


----------



## Soul-O

Docs Nemesis:
I can definitely speak to the shared custody issue. I fought long and hard to get a decent move away order for my two older children. At this point, my ex has the older boys for all non-school vacations: winter break, spring break, summer break minus a two week vacation for me. My order allows us to move wherever we are assigned (within the United States). However, I also have a particularly vindictive ex who likes to drag me back to court periodically looking for sole custody because we move too much







:. Anyhow, I would suggest speaking with a family law attorney who is knowledgeable about move away orders in your home state. Some states are more sympathetic to military moves than others, and the amount of visitation your ex is currently exercising plays a part.

Good luck with your decision!


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DocsNemesis* 

Also-Hi all you Ft. Lewis moms! I grew up in Tacoma and Lakewood and I'm about an hour north of Tacoma now, though my mom still lives there.









We are an hour SE of Tacoma.









Can't speak to your custody issues but I think your chances of getting a post near your kids are slim.

We are going to Germany and my kids passed the EFMP review today! They're officially developmentally normal as well as physically healthy!







Now, we just have to wait from Baumholder.


----------



## EdnaMarie

BTW... does anyone here know of a good resource for washing, starching and ironing fatigues??? I want to do it properly the first time. I'm washing on cold, delicate, but I think it's easy to see when something has not been properly ironed or starched, so tips / links are much appreciated.

I got my Gap rewards and I'm spending it on a fancy cocktail dress to match my shoes.







My husband is an E-4. Will I need it or should I spend my money on something more low-key instead?


----------



## FiveLittleMonkeys

Is your dh in the Army, EdnaMarie? If so, you aren't supposed to starch the ACUs. They are meant to be "wash and wear" - no starching/ironing like the old stuff.

I wash my dh's ACUs on hot, with All or Cheer (which do not contain optical brighteners). The directions say to wash on cold, but they don't seem clean enough to me. If he has something special to go to (a meeting with someone important, etc) I will touch it up with an iron, but as a general rule, I pull them out of the dryer and hang them up.

As for a nice cocktail dress - I wouldn't go too fancy, but a nice dress always comes in handy. I don't know if it's changed, but when my dh was an E-4, there weren't many events that were "mandatory" for him - most fancy events that would require fancy dress were limited to E-6 and above. I miss those days.....


----------



## EdnaMarie

5LM, thanks! Yes, he is Army. I'm not looking forward much to events but I'm looking forward to the result of brown-nosing and being social at said events, which we hope to be promotion.









Good to know about ACUs. I didn't want him showing up unkempt. I will just be vigilant about getting them out of the dryer on time. I wash with BioKleen, no brighteners. Nothing gets clean in my mom's old top-loader. I hear we won't get to buy our own in Germany, either, though I was dreaming of a front-loader LG like the one I had before. Sigh.

The Gap doesn't have anything that fancy.







It has to be versatile and black to match my shoes.

Is your DH E6 or higher? Were you the one who had to keep buying more lipstick? At least they sell nice lipstick in the PX. It's like Duty Free!


----------



## ~Katie~

Yes ACU's are wash and wear, they don't wrinkle. I wash on warm and dry in the dryer, he pulls them out and throws them on. Just remember to take off his rank and everything before putting them in the washer. And FWIW, my DH is an O-2 and I don't dress up or wear really nice stuff ever. We've only ever been to dining out's when he was a cadet. Depending on the unit you may have a dining out once or twice a year, but I can't think of any other activity where more than casual attire would be necessary. Maybe dress pants for a holiday party but nothing more than that.


----------



## EdnaMarie

How interesting, Katie. I read on AFTB that I should respect dress codes as per invitation and some were given and they were way more formal than this West-Coast-born-and-raised, aid-working casual dresser has ever done as a requirement. It's so good to talk to Military moms that I have something else in common with.

But hey, wait a second. Are you just trying to get me to spend my Gap bonus on clearance items for a holiday helpers package?


----------



## FiveLittleMonkeys

My dh is now a W-2, and we've had some events where a cocktail dress was required. I'm thinking mostly about the General's New Year's reception or dining outs. I tend to be pretty conservative in my dress and have found many a dress, whether for a ball or a reception or a Hail and Farewell at Ross.

I think that like in anything, you'll find all kinds of dress at any event, but it is a general "rule of thumb" to follow the dress code in the invite - if one is specified.

Also, every unit is different in what events they hold. We've been in some units that are very "social" for lack of a better word, and others that have very few social events.


----------



## ~Katie~

@Edna. Well if you insist....

It has to depend on the unit because none we've ever been a part of gave two hoots about what you wear, only for dining out's. I've honestly never seen a dress code for any other event. I am not a dressy person either so I dig that, but I don't mind dressing up every once in a while.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 







@Edna. Well if you insist....

It has to depend on the unit because none we've ever been a part of gave two hoots about what you wear, only for dining out's. I've honestly never seen a dress code for any other event. I am not a dressy person either so I dig that, but I don't mind dressing up every once in a while.

ITA. The last time we went to a dining out was when DH graduated from OCS, and the dress code was formal. Otherwise, dress is always casual. It would be nice to have a reason to get out of the jeans more often, but at least I save money this way!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
ITA. The last time we went to a dining out was when DH graduated from OCS, and the dress code was formal. Otherwise, dress is always casual. It would be nice to have a reason to get out of the jeans more often, but at least I save money this way!

Yeah dining out's can get expensive. When he was a cadet we had one dining out and two fraternity formals every year, so the costs of dresses and hair and shoes all really add up. Getting a LBD is an essential though, I have them in all sizes (even maternity)!


----------



## EdnaMarie

Cost of HAIR?

I have a bob. That's just gonna have to work. I can blow-dry it if they really want.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Cost of HAIR?

I have a bob. That's just gonna have to work. I can blow-dry it if they really want.

I no longer get my hair done in updo's for dining out's, but if you've ever seen my hair you'd understand why I did. It's very thick and coarse/curly, afro-like if you will. So it takes quite a bit of maintenance for the upkeep. Now I just curl it a bit when I'm doing the normal straightening, now it's all about the outfit


----------



## Soul-O

Nevermind.. just venting about something that probably shouldn't be public.


----------



## ~Katie~

I'm so sorry









It truly is like that everywhere, unfortunately. I'm not involved in our FRG because they are very badly organized, or more like they organize things conveniently for themselves. They expect me to do things that are scheduled at night or when child care is necessary. No one even called me after Laine was born.

I've just had to look elsewhere for support and friendship. Chances are good that someone else is feeling the exact same way that you are or there is a group who would gladly welcome you into their activities.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Hey, anyone know if our TV antenna will work in Germany or can we leave it for my mom?


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I'm so sorry









It truly is like that everywhere, unfortunately. I'm not involved in our FRG because they are very badly organized, or more like they organize things conveniently for themselves. They expect me to do things that are scheduled at night or when child care is necessary. No one even called me after Laine was born.

I've just had to look elsewhere for support and friendship. Chances are good that someone else is feeling the exact same way that you are or there is a group who would gladly welcome you into their activities.

Thanks







. I know you're right.. it's just hard feeling as though I never quite fit in. Do you ever feel like dealing with spouses is sometimes like high school all over again







?


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Thanks







. I know you're right.. it's just hard feeling as though I never quite fit in. Do you ever feel like dealing with spouses is sometimes like high school all over again







?











You picked the perfect day to ask me that question!

Its typical bored military spouses doing what they do best. There is always one bad apple in the bunch who spoils it for everyone usually. I wish I could just find a group of people that were friends simply for the sake of being friends. It's either people only befriending me because they want to use me for something or I'm being segregated from people because of pay-grade/beliefs. It's like a race you have to keep up with, and if you don't play the game you're the odd man out. I don't understand the intricacies of social interaction, I guess. I hate it.


----------



## ~Katie~

On a serious note though, I am having a bad day for the exact question you just asked me. I'm glad somebody gets it, as unfortunate as it is.


----------



## thea77

We just got orders for Nellis AFB. Anyone stationed there? We'll be moving in the next couple of months. DH is going to Korea for a year unaccompanied and Nellis is our follow on base. My DD and I will be moving there without him








BTW, Nellis was not our first choice...we volunteered for Korea to get our base of preference and the AF couldn't give us any of the 12 (!) bases we wanted...so Nellis is our last resort.
Anyway, just wanted to hear from some people who are there. What do you like/dislike about the area? Best place to live (we're looking at Summerlin). Is it baby/kid-friendly? Things to do with little ones? Any info would be great! Thanks!


----------



## mesa

Hi! I didn't even know we had a tribe, or I would have been here long ago. For those who don't know me, my name is Misti. We are currently being held hostage in the inlaws basement, and my husband is stationed in South Korea. We have 3 kids, Nicolas who is 9, Noah who is 6, and Shelby who is 16 months. We are in the deep dark depths of getting command sponsorship so we can move to Korea with my hubby.

We will also be taking our 100 pound Rhodesian Ridgeback with us. Pet ownership IS possible in the Army, it just takes some ingenuity, determination, and in some cases (like ours), a good chunk of reserved cash.

I am rapidly approaching critical mass in my knowledge of command sponsorship...especially with regard to Korea. So if anyone has any questions about how to get cs...the steps involved...stuff like that, let me know


----------



## Alohamelly

Hi Misti! I feel for you ... I also stayed with my inlaws while my husband was in South Korea. It wasn't that bad, but it is nice to have our own space now! Anyway, my husband did get us CS when he was in South Korea (June 07-June 08), but we didn't take it and I regret it because he's in Iraq now. I've been getting to chat with him quite a bit lately so I'll ask him what he did to get CS next time I catch him online. He wants to go back to Korea, and wants us to all go with him next time. He thinks we'll love it! He did!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Do you ever feel like dealing with spouses is sometimes like high school all over again







?

that is EXACTLY what it's like sometimes







It's so hard when you don't feel like you fit in with the lifestyle. I dread the squadron events because no one will ever sit next to me or talk to me- it's like the highschool lunch room all over again.

Quote:

We just got orders for Nellis AFB. Anyone stationed there? We'll be moving in the next couple of months. DH is going to Korea for a year unaccompanied and Nellis is our follow on base. My DD and I will be moving there without him
BTW, Nellis was not our first choice...we volunteered for Korea to get our base of preference and the AF couldn't give us any of the 12 (!) bases we wanted...so Nellis is our last resort.
We've never been at Nellis, sorry. But that sounds pretty typical. Dh has never gotten any of the bases on his list either. Hopefully you can find someone who's been there to give you some info.


----------



## jewellz

I was wondering if you could take a look at a question I asked about military and vax's. http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1149612
Thank you.


----------



## FiveLittleMonkeys

I LOVED Korea, and wish so much that my dh's job would go back there!! We were at Humphreys.


----------



## mesa

just got news today that our sponsorship was approved! We should get orders on Monday. Then I have to drive my van to St. Louis to drop it off for shipping, fly back, and set up the movers, book the tickets, book the dog on the flight, and go!

Think I can do that in 2 weeks?


----------



## EdnaMarie

Mesa, :yipee: we are soooo there with you- just got through EFMP, are waiting for the final approval from Baumholder, and then we're off. Luckily we only live 1 hr. from Ft. Lewis. I was wondering how people who lived far from an installation managed.

But doesn't the military do the booking for you? I was told that if we booked our own tickets, we'd never see that money again.


----------



## mesa

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Mesa, :yipee: we are soooo there with you- just got through EFMP, are waiting for the final approval from Baumholder, and then we're off. Luckily we only live 1 hr. from Ft. Lewis. I was wondering how people who lived far from an installation managed.

But doesn't the military do the booking for you? I was told that if we booked our own tickets, we'd never see that money again.

yes, but I have to call them and have them do it...we have to have a particular flight because of the dog.


----------



## dynafets

Hi! My husband is AF and we found out that we're going to the U.K. Anyone on here there? Or more specifically at Lakenheath?
We're still waiting on our EFMP to go through but don't forsee anything being a problem.
I'm excited but have a ton of questions. Mostly about what to take/not take. We've done an overseas move before but this is the first time with kids (2 boys ages 5 and 2).

Stefanie


----------



## thea77

I've been at Lakenheath since 2006, if you want to PM me any questions, I'll try to help!


----------



## Maluhia

UGH I'm over the FRG and I am the darn advisor to it







he he he

I do like the Officers' Wives' Club though, our group does good charity work and there seems to be a variety. Thank Goodness because the wives on my DH's boat, um, are difficult to say the least.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mesa* 
yes, but I have to call them and have them do it...we have to have a particular flight because of the dog.

Oh, okay. You can do that by phone???

:zoiks:

Does anyone know if my infant will get a seat or if we have to buy that for her? Will they accommodate our request to be on a flight with seats left so we can get her a seat with ours?

I guess I'll have to wait and see, but I'm most anxious about that.


----------



## mesa

I have to because the nearest post is 4 hours away









I hope they provide seats for the babies! That's an awfully long flight to hold a lap child.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Yeah, but as DH says, there's stupid, and there's Army stupid.


----------



## mesa

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Yeah, but as DH says, there's stupid, and there's Army stupid.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mesa* 
just got news today that our sponsorship was approved! We should get orders on Monday. Then I have to drive my van to St. Louis to drop it off for shipping, fly back, and set up the movers, book the tickets, book the dog on the flight, and go!

Think I can do that in 2 weeks?









Yay! You'll have so much fun! I really loved Korea, I was stationed there twice. The first time I was in Seoul but the second time I was down South, close to Osan Air Base.

The winters are colder than anything I've been in, but other than that I really enjoyed it.


----------



## Sarah W

So, I've been home a little over 2 weeks now. It's nice to be back! We found out yesterday that I was in the local paper, here's the link: http://conchcolor.com/0942_files/Page649.htm You can see how short my hair is now, I had to get all of the burned hair cut off.

We drove to Orlando and spent a few days at Disney, just relaxing. Last Sat, my aunt flew in, she just left yesterday.

DH leaves for ROP on the 30th, maybe 31st. He'll be gone for 3 weeks so now I get to do the solo parenting.

We've got such a busy month ahead of us. He's going to ROP and will be done on the 20th of Nov, we're PCSing back to Lewis, and closing on our house hopefully on Dec 3. DH is going back to Rgr Bn, but I have no clue what unit I'll be going to, so that will be exciting.


----------



## kristenok18

What a great article, Sarah. You look beautiful!


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## EdnaMarie

Welcome home, Sarah! You have such a gorgeous family. Good luck with this month. ROP, ROP... hmmmm. What does that mean?


----------



## ~Katie~

Happy homecoming, Sarah! You look wonderful!


----------



## ~Katie~

So we're at $2400 and counting in back-pay. DH got promoted in May and they haven't paid him the extra $400 a month he's supposed to be getting. We've pretty much come full circle and he just keeps going up the chain harassing people with no success. His active duty unit has nothing to do with it, and his National Guard unit claims they don't either. First it was that he needed some form from one unit for the other, so he got that and then of course they tell him that they don't handle it and go back to the other unit. Just the same old song and dance that we've been dealing with for the past 4 years. He's doing this all via email because of the time zone difference, I told him to email these people every day and to not stop harassing them until they get so sick of it they do something about it and pay us the money.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Welcome home, Sarah! You have such a gorgeous family. Good luck with this month. ROP, ROP... hmmmm. What does that mean?

Regimental Orientation Program. There are two versions; RIP for lower enlisted and ROP for NCOs. You have to go to the course before you go to a Ranger BN or anywhere within the Ranger Regiment. Since he went to teach at the Scuba school, he technically left Ranger Regiment, even though he was their rep at the school. So, before he goes back to his unit he has to go through the school.


----------



## mesa

We should be on a plane November 3rd









Oh, and they told me that EVERY dependent gets a ticket, no matter the age









And no, before you ask, it has NOT sunken in yet. Still in denial over here!


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
So we're at $2400 and counting in back-pay. DH got promoted in May and they haven't paid him the extra $400 a month he's supposed to be getting. We've pretty much come full circle and he just keeps going up the chain harassing people with no success. His active duty unit has nothing to do with it, and his National Guard unit claims they don't either. First it was that he needed some form from one unit for the other, so he got that and then of course they tell him that they don't handle it and go back to the other unit. Just the same old song and dance that we've been dealing with for the past 4 years. He's doing this all via email because of the time zone difference, I told him to email these people every day and to not stop harassing them until they get so sick of it they do something about it and pay us the money.

Agree. Keep harrassing whomever it is you need to harrass, and someone will eventually pay you. DH was owed funds from his TDY to Ft Huachuca for MIBOLC, and it took him 4 months of weekly phone calls to DFAS to find someone who would take responsibility for the error and pay him. Considering that you probably have the right POA to speak to someone about your DH's pay, I'd consider making the phone calls yourself to see if you can get somewhere with the pay people.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
So, I've been home a little over 2 weeks now. It's nice to be back! We found out yesterday that I was in the local paper, here's the link: http://conchcolor.com/0942_files/Page649.htm You can see how short my hair is now, I had to get all of the burned hair cut off.

We drove to Orlando and spent a few days at Disney, just relaxing. Last Sat, my aunt flew in, she just left yesterday.

DH leaves for ROP on the 30th, maybe 31st. He'll be gone for 3 weeks so now I get to do the solo parenting.

We've got such a busy month ahead of us. He's going to ROP and will be done on the 20th of Nov, we're PCSing back to Lewis, and closing on our house hopefully on Dec 3. DH is going back to Rgr Bn, but I have no clue what unit I'll be going to, so that will be exciting.

Glad you're back stateside, Sarah. I hope you enjoy your stay at Ft. Lewis. The post is pretty deserted right now because almost all of the resident BDEs are deployed; however, this is a pretty good place to be overall.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Agree. Keep harrassing whomever it is you need to harrass, and someone will eventually pay you. DH was owed funds from his TDY to Ft Huachuca for MIBOLC, and it took him 4 months of weekly phone calls to DFAS to find someone who would take responsibility for the error and pay him. Considering that you probably have the right POA to speak to someone about your DH's pay, I'd consider making the phone calls yourself to see if you can get somewhere with the pay people.

I've been thinking about making the calls myself but I really don't even know where to start. He said he has a new contact to harass so hopefully he gets somewhere with that person.

On a side note, I haven't even been able to enroll DD in DEERS because my midwife hasn't sent me my ultrasound report in order to get her birth certificate. This has become so much more complicated by the fact that no one actually witnessed her birth, and apparently I need someone who did. I had planned to take care of all of this when DH was home but my midwife can't get herself in gear. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, her care of me bordered on neglectful during my pregnancy, so it was only fitting that she miss the actual birth







Part of me just wants to say screw it and wait until DH gets back but that's going to be pushing it too close to her first birthday.


----------



## Soul-O

Oh wow... I think the midwife should be your next harrass-ee! I can't believe she hasn't gotten herself in gear enough to give you the u/s report so your DD can get a birth certificate and DEERS enrollment. Seems kinda goofy that someone has to witness the birth to make it valid. I mean, your DD is here, right? Isn't that proof enough? Sheesh.. some laws are really cumbersome!


----------



## EdnaMarie

Wait... we didn't have a u/s report to enroll DD2 in DEERS. They just put her in there when my midwife filed the birth certificate and billed the post-natal labs to Tricare. Then they had to see her birth certificate to get her off temporary status. This was at Ft. Lewis, btw, in Waller Hall. So that is strange!!!

***

I have a question that I'm cross-posting in Germany Mil Moms- DH said they have great apartments on post where we'll be moving. I really wanted to be off-post for cultural reasons. Is it a huge difference? Can you foresee us getting off-post daily for stuff? What about pre-school for DD?

I know living on-post is going to be like living in a little dream-world with all these amenities and so much ease compared to off-post. But I'm used to living abroad. I used to walk a mile to the market and carry 15 lbs. of groceries home with a baby on my back.

Still... we have two under four now.

What do you recommend?


----------



## ~Katie~

I need the ultrasound report in order to get the birth certificate, which I need when enrolling her in DEERS. I need actual proof of pregnancy and that is the only proof I have, I never had bloodwork, glucose test, etc. No other record exists anywhere other that the paperwork my midwife kept on me and the ultrasound report. They say they need someone who witnessed the birth because they need a witness to vouch for the fact that you actually gave birth to the child you're filing a BC for. I haven't even seen my midwife since 5 days PP, her assistants handled my 2 and 4 week appointments and I never heard from anyone for my 6 week appointment. She is a classic case of someone who takes on too many births and can't keep track of them. If it comes down to it they may request that my midwife be there when I file for it, and if they do that well it might take me months to even get her to be there.


----------



## EdnaMarie

I see, I didn't realize you didn't have any bloodwork ever or anything. We had the PKU test after the birth, plus basic blood tests for me.


----------



## ~Katie~

We did the PKU and hearing screen in our house when she was 5 days old but I've never received any paperwork as a result, all I was told was that both were normal. She was supposed to have it done when she was 2 days old but my midwife had other stuff going on (surprise, surprise). She's actually a CPM, so not recognized in North Carolina. I was _supposed_ to have a lot of things done during my pregnancy, but she kept having to reschedule appointments and she would forget that I needed certain things done. Honestly, I wasn't too worried about it but now it would be nice to have some kind of record in order to get her birth certificate.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Wow, that seems like a really disorganized midwife! How awful, with all the other stuff you have going on, to have to do that.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Wow, that seems like a really disorganized midwife! How awful, with all the other stuff you have going on, to have to do that.

My DH is furious with the whole situation. We paid $2700 out of pocket for her services and while I am more than satisfied with how Laine's birth turned out, he is upset that we paid for someone to do a service for us and to attend her birth and she couldn't even get that right. The reason she missed the birth was because she got lost and I had to give her directions about 5 minutes before Laine was born. Later on she said she won't get a GPS because listening to it is too distracting for her when she drives


----------



## EdnaMarie

WOW. Um. Turn off the sound, lady, and look at the freaking map.

You don't get a refund if she doesn't find your house for the birth? I mean, that could totally happen to me but THAT'S WHY I DON'T WORK IN PUBLIC SERVICE.

It's fine to have a UC, accidental or otherwise, but what if something had happened and she were your backup with pit on hand or something? Ack!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
WOW. Um. Turn off the sound, lady, and look at the freaking map.

You don't get a refund if she doesn't find your house for the birth? I mean, that could totally happen to me but THAT'S WHY I DON'T WORK IN PUBLIC SERVICE.

It's fine to have a UC, accidental or otherwise, but what if something had happened and she were your backup with pit on hand or something? Ack!

That is my DH's reasoning. She did show up about 5 or 10 minutes after she was born, and in time to catch the placenta. I'm glad that she was there for the placenta because I did have retained membrane that needed help, I wouldn't have know what to do about that had I been alone. I had read enough as far as checking for a cord and removing it, and what to do once the baby was out.

Her contract states clearly that there are no refunds if she misses the birth, it's just kind of something that you assume may happen when you have a homebirth. I think mine could have been prevented if she had been a little quicker about getting to my house but I am happy with how the birth turned out. I think I knew all along that I'd end up UCing just because of how we interacted during my pregnancy.


----------



## EdnaMarie

That's crazy- fun that you got to UC without the pre-UC angst, but crazy. My midwife actually does give refunds if she misses the birth.

But then, she will drive two hours just to check dilation if you think you're close, and she will stay 48 hours. She is used to working a rural area. I say "is" but she finally got her baby, and is no longer working for now.

DH wants to have # 3 in Germany so it will be German.







We'll see.


----------



## Soul-O

Has anyone done the whole IM/webcam chat thing with Skype while their spouse was deployed? If so, what did you think? Was it worth the initial expense and set up? We're considering using the Skype once DH has a reliable internet connection in his office, so I'd like some opinions on it.

Thanks!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Has anyone done the whole IM/webcam chat thing with Skype while their spouse was deployed? If so, what did you think? Was it worth the initial expense and set up? We're considering using the Skype once DH has a reliable internet connection in his office, so I'd like some opinions on it.

Thanks!

I thought some form of it was free? You can either use that or Yahoo I believe. We haven't used either yet but now that DH has internet in his room we will eventually, I didn't even think to find out if we could use it from his office. We've used it with my BIL when he was deployed and it worked fairly well.


----------



## elus0814

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Has anyone done the whole IM/webcam chat thing with Skype while their spouse was deployed? If so, what did you think? Was it worth the initial expense and set up? We're considering using the Skype once DH has a reliable internet connection in his office, so I'd like some opinions on it.

Thanks!

My husband and I did yahoo messenger (which has voice and video options) while he has been gone in Korea. It worked great and it was really nice for him to be able to see the kids.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I thought some form of it was free? You can either use that or Yahoo I believe. We haven't used either yet but now that DH has internet in his room we will eventually, I didn't even think to find out if we could use it from his office. We've used it with my BIL when he was deployed and it worked fairly well.

Not while deployed, but while DH was in Afghanistan working as a civilian, we have used it. Yes, it's free, but if you don't have a webcam, you do need to get one. The quality of transmission to his civilian office was pretty poor, so my young child did not recognize her daddy's voice or face because the picture was so pixelated and the voice was all electronic-sounding. A lot of times, it just cut off. With a child four or older, I'd say it would be worth it for sure.

It might work better from Iraq.


----------



## ~adorkable~

we wanted to use vidio or voice and ended up just using text chat a ton, he was at camp Liberty in Baghdad, but internet was there but always schetchy!! a lot!! just having text was great. the tech and camera is built into a Mac right out of hte box and did work great when we had good internet signal. but for us it was nice neer to get cut off so text was a often and comfort thing we could allways count on.


----------



## remijo

This may be a ways back for some of you but when your SO went to BCT, did your housing allowance start right away? Our recruiter told us DH wouldn't get the housing allowance until the start of OCS. That extra three months would help alot. TIA!


----------



## gingerstar

Our housing came right away in his first paycheck, which is nice - but his first pay was over a week late. Just a head's up, so you are prepared that it happens sometimes.


----------



## ~Katie~

Pay was 4 months late for us, but when we finally did get it BAH was included.


----------



## sapphire_chan

we got bah during bct, but dh is only an e4. I don't know if it's different for officer candidates.


----------



## EdnaMarie

We got it right away, and DH was an e4 as well. But he didn't go to OCS. Hopes to when he becomes a citizen.

Question- if your DH is not an officer, and you lived or live in Europe, did you manage to live on the economy?


----------



## Soul-O

I feel like I should know this one, but can't seem to remember the answer. My DH will be promoted on November 29. If the Army gets the accounting right (i.e. in a perfect world!), will the pay raise be reflected in the November 15 pay or the December 1 pay, given that everything is paid in arrears?

TIA!


----------



## kristenok18

If your dh is enlisted, he probably won't see the difference in pay until mid-month or end of December, and you'll see back-pay anytime up til then. If he's an officer, it could be months, unfortunately.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kristenok18* 
If your dh is enlisted, he probably won't see the difference in pay until mid-month or end of December, and you'll see back-pay anytime up til then. If he's an officer, it could be months, unfortunately.

He's an officer, so March/April







? Thanks for the head's up! I won't make any plans for the extra money.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I feel like I should know this one, but can't seem to remember the answer. My DH will be promoted on November 29. If the Army gets the accounting right (i.e. in a perfect world!), will the pay raise be reflected in the November 15 pay or the December 1 pay, given that everything is paid in arrears?

TIA!

If they get it right, I'd estimate it would take about a month from the date of promotion. It never works out that way though.

DH got promoted in May, as of right now we have yet to see any extra money. This next pay day will bring us to a total of $2800 is back pay. I've been told that once they get their head's out of the behinds we'll get it all pretty quickly, no clue when that will be.


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## mmgrimm

My DH likes to tell me the day before payday "I hope the Army pays us tomorrow!"...Can u guess how many times we have had problems with pay? If u owe the Army money they take it yesterday...if they owe u money u may see it one day!

EdnaMarie- I would wait until u get to Germany to see about housing. We got there and on post housing was full so the Army went out and leased us an apartment on the economy. Which gave us the luxury of off post housing without the expense







Where in Germany are u getting stationed? We were in Schweinfurt!


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
My DH likes to tell me the day before payday "I hope the Army pays us tomorrow!"...Can u guess how many times we have had problems with pay? If u owe the Army money they take it yesterday...if they owe u money u may see it one day!

I feel like stating this publicly will jinx me forever, but...

Aside from some back TDY pay that wasn't received in a timely manner, we haven't had any pay snafus yet. When my DH was promoted, and when he was commissioned, the pay was always correct. I suppose my luck is bound to run out sooner or later, no







? I asked DH about it last night, and he is not anticipating any problems. He's also an eternal optimist.


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## mesa

We leave for Korea on Tuesday! The local post is giving me a hard time about shipping our HHG, they're saying that we're not entitled to any, just 500 pounds of unaccompanied baggage. Here's hoping that they get some sense beaten into them today by my peeps in Korea, LOL.

Cross your fingers, I'm not taking much, but what I am taking, I really, really *need*.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mesa* 
We leave for Korea on Tuesday! The local post is giving me a hard time about shipping our HHG, they're saying that we're not entitled to any, just 500 pounds of unaccompanied baggage. Here's hoping that they get some sense beaten into them today by my peeps in Korea, LOL.

Cross your fingers, I'm not taking much, but what I am taking, I really, really *need*.

This is not correct. Did he give them his old orders and not his amended ones? That may be the problem. Since he's accompanied, you're authorized that HHG allowance.


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## EdnaMarie

Mmgrimm- no such luck. Baumholder just had a ton of people leave and they have blocks and blocks of houses free for the taking on base.







I mean I shouldn't complain but I'd love to live off-post. We'll see.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I feel like stating this publicly will jinx me forever, but...

Aside from some back TDY pay that wasn't received in a timely manner, we haven't had any pay snafus yet. When my DH was promoted, and when he was commissioned, the pay was always correct. I suppose my luck is bound to run out sooner or later, no







? I asked DH about it last night, and he is not anticipating any problems. He's also an eternal optimist.

I don't think you'd have any problem either, it's pretty straight forward given that you don't have any special circumstances.


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## FiveLittleMonkeys

In over 12 years, we've also never had a pay issue, other than an allotment that was done incorrectly. Enlisted, officer, promotions, flight pay increases - not once!

Of course, now that I've said that, we'll have a "no pay due" on the 1st!!


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FiveLittleMonkeys* 
In over 12 years, we've also never had a pay issue, other than an allotment that was done incorrectly. Enlisted, officer, promotions, flight pay increases - not once!

Of course, now that I've said that, we'll have a "no pay due" on the 1st!!









LOL! My thoughts exactly. However, it's nice to hear that, even in an organization as large as the U.S. Military, pay can be doled out correctly every time. May your good luck continue.


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## mesa

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
This is not correct. Did he give them his old orders and not his amended ones? That may be the problem. Since he's accompanied, you're authorized that HHG allowance.

nope, I'm the one that gave them the orders.







I gave them the CSP orders, and then they wanted the original orders, and THEN the pinpoint orders...and then they wanted to know how long we've been married (







) and whether or not the Army was paying for the move (umm, duh? isn't that the point of csp?)

then she got into a long email debate with the head of transportation in Korea, who finally asked her, "if you know something about command sponsorship and Korea that no other CONUS installation knows, please let me know so we can get this case back on track. We process hundreds of families every week, and have never had this issue before"

soooo, yesterday, I emailed her a couple of times asking for an update, and she finally consented to the shipment. Gah!! I'm so ready for all of this to be D.O.N.E.

They're coming for UB today, NTS tomorrow, and HHG on Friday. Dog goes for his health certificate this afternoon, and van ships on Monday. We leave TUESDAY!!!


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## crazyeight

Hey! I know this has been asked a billion million times but oy it's so hard to figure this stuff out!

I am trying to figure out home birth info! Aggghhhh! Just being pregnant is confusing enough. Now they're throwing out things like global auths and needing to have a referral to any physician for pregnancy. I SWEAR i did not have to do this for dd. Things were easier it seemed! Anyways I'm supposed to have an appt with my PCM to get a global auth for pregnancy but it's just rediculous as this point. I'm 16.5 weeks and have NEVER met this pcm let alone the fact that base care has hit the bottom of the toilet. It'd take a month to see them! Ugh. Anyways my problem is if they do cover home birth. I swear they do right? CNM's only right? We have a freestanding birth center (that became covered when i was pg with dd) that have CNM's but they don't do home births and there are no CNM's that do homebirths listed on the triwest site. So how does it work? What magic words do I need? Do they cover 100% or 80%?


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## Maluhia

I've only ever rarely seen them cover homebirth and that is based on state, etc. and it's always a fight depending on rules they are forced to follow in some states. Good luck.


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## MangoMommy

Hmmm I think the friends I know paid out of pocket for the actual birth. They went Standard perhaps for prenatal care w/the CNM. Standard is a Global package, covers 100% except for some labs and you have to stay off Prime for a year if you are E5 and up.


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## ~Katie~

Your best bet is really going to be calling the midwife directly. CNM's are covered under prime as far as I know. They're going to know how to bill Tricare and all of the intricacies involved. I ended up paying out of pocket for mine, though.


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## EdnaMarie

My midwife took Tricare in Washington state- she was an LM. She said the way she billed them, they covered most of it.


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## MrsReady2bMama

Hi there! I hope it is ok to post a question in this thread, though I myself am not a military mama (and God bless you women who are!!)

(If you suggest I start a separate thread or post elsewhere I'm open to that!)

I just wondered if any of you had suggestions for what might be best to put into a military care package for someone deployed overseas? My brother deployed to Iraq earlier this month, and I'm kind of struggling with something he might find useful and fun to receive over there. It's like, you don't want to send anything bulky that takes up a lot of room, obviously you can't send perishable items, we communicate fairly regularly on email/skype so while I will be sending a letter it won't be super exciting... ya know? I'll put in a recent photo or two of my daughter b/c she's the only kiddo in his life right now and he worships her (he and his wife have no kiddos yet).

Also, this time around I will be sending him a big surprise - the gender of his unborn niece or nephew in a sealed envelope, so he'll be the only one to know! How do I top that for future packages?!

Anyhow any suggestions would be super great. And again, please forgive me for thread-crashing!

~Gina


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## Maluhia

No problem - baby wipes, those little crystal light packets to flavor one water bottle at a time), snack food that is harder (beef jerky, thick pretezels, etc.) and PICTURES - looking at home, nieces/nephews etc. is great.


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## Alohamelly

My husband is in Iraq right now and there's a large PX on his base, so he doesn't need a lot. There are some magazines he can't get over there and some vitamins he asked for, so I'll be sending those soon. But most things these days, they can get over there. I think anything would be fine and just getting a package will be appreciated.


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## Katsmamajama

Some of the wives/girlfriends that are around here are sending "seasonal" decorations, like a theme box-- Halloween ones went out the beginning of October, Thanksgiving type stuff will go out in the next week or so, etc. etc.

Chocolate doesn't hold up at all. It's better to skip it-- the thought is nice, but it's usually one big blob by the time they get it.

Crystal Light/Gatorade tubes are good. The new Starbucks viva line is a bit pricey, but a great idea for your coffee drinking deployed person!


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## Alohamelly

A little Christmas tree would be nice! My husband didn't have one for his second deployment and he actually took one over this time.

It's so hard to know what ot send these days because they have jsut about everything over there - including Starbucks and other chains!


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## EdnaMarie

Can they download music? Would a Christmas CD be appropriate? I remember when I was in Afghanistan it took ages to download music and I didn't have a lot of Christmas music on my computer. I sure missed it.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Can they download music? Would a Christmas CD be appropriate? I remember when I was in Afghanistan it took ages to download music and I didn't have a lot of Christmas music on my computer. I sure missed it.

My husband was asking me for Christmas music recently. The internet is too iffy and slow most times over there for downloading. Depends on who the CD is going to though. Not everyone likes or celebrates Christmas.


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## EdnaMarie

Well, sure, but I bet for some it would be a welcome taste of home.


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## MrsReady2bMama

Thank you so much for the suggestions! I picked up some packets of Crystal Light lemonade and iced tea, and also some instant coffee from Starbucks. I think he'll really like that - he loves coffee. And if not, I'm sure he can find someone who would







We also sent some photos, along with the mysterious ultrasound results. (My mom also sent him a package last week with lots of baby wipes - he requested those himself already too!)

I may keep the Christmas music in mind for next time - I bet he would like that.

Thanks again!
~ Gina


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## ~adorkable~

i hint on baby wipes, the cheep ones from Costco are great and dont smell like baby t all! we have used them for years


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## MrsReady2bMama

The Costco ones are the only ones we buy - too funny! They are great


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## racie0417

New here and with alot going on....

My DH is in the AF and will be leaving very soon for a joint assignment Special Ops deployment. We are at a training base where few people deploy, and his work has been less than supportive.

We have a 26 month old son, who was just diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I am going to have to navigate getting him set up in the EFMP program by myself. We have a 7 month old son with severe reflux. I have beeen battling to get better medical treatment for him since he was 3 weeks old, but am consistently ignored by the doctors. For example, they refused a referral to a ped GI until he was spitting up blood. Now they are blaming lack of weight gain on poor breastmilk supply and refusing to do food allergy testing.

I don't have any family support, and am not close with my family. I do have a pretty good local support network but few people can manage 1 of my boys for a short period of time, and I don't know anyone that can handle them both.

Any suggestions?


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## EdnaMarie

The costco wipes are great. Plus they don't LOOK like baby wipes.


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## nia82

We used the Costco wipes as wet wipes for us, just you cannot flush them... so we switched to Scotty's. Pretty cheap too.

@ Soul-O: you can see the money more quickly. Your DH needs to harass finance all the time. It took 4 weeks after his promotion for us to get the backpay and new salary on his paycheck. It took less than 3 weeks to get our DITY money (each time!) and DLA and so forth. We pester them a lot, in a friendly way, but he keeps checking up every other day. That way, you do not have to wait ages for your money. We'll see what happens in June when he'll promote to the next rank. New base, you never know


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## kirstenb

It's been awhile since I have checked in on this thread, just thought I would pop in to see how everyone was doing! We are doing well here. DH isn't in the middle of a DI cycle which is really nice, so he has been able to come home every night and all weekends. DS is ecstatic about that! Plus he'll be able to be off for a few weeks when the baby comes (hopefully any day now) which will make a huge difference. He was deployed when DS was born so this is all new for him!


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MrsReady2bMama* 
Thank you so much for the suggestions! I picked up some packets of Crystal Light lemonade and iced tea, and also some instant coffee from Starbucks. I think he'll really like that - he loves coffee. And if not, I'm sure he can find someone who would







We also sent some photos, along with the mysterious ultrasound results. (My mom also sent him a package last week with lots of baby wipes - he requested those himself already too!)

I may keep the Christmas music in mind for next time - I bet he would like that.

Thanks again!
~ Gina

Crystal Lite is the best deployment present ever!! I loved getting it, because I was trying to quit drinking soda. You had to suck down something all day long and I'd get tired of water.


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## Thystle

*{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ft Hood}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}*


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## kristenok18

For all those at Ft. Hood, or who have loved ones there, our prayers are with you.


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## ~Katie~

Lots of prayers to anyone at Fort Hood right now that you and your loved ones are safe









My heart is breaking for all of those soldiers and their families.


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## MangoMommy

So heartbroken about Ft hood.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *racie0417* 
New here and with alot going on....

My DH is in the AF and will be leaving very soon for a joint assignment Special Ops deployment. We are at a training base where few people deploy, and his work has been less than supportive.

We have a 26 month old son, who was just diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I am going to have to navigate getting him set up in the EFMP program by myself. We have a 7 month old son with severe reflux. I have beeen battling to get better medical treatment for him since he was 3 weeks old, but am consistently ignored by the doctors. For example, they refused a referral to a ped GI until he was spitting up blood. Now they are blaming lack of weight gain on poor breastmilk supply and refusing to do food allergy testing.

I don't have any family support, and am not close with my family. I do have a pretty good local support network but few people can manage 1 of my boys for a short period of time, and I don't know anyone that can handle them both.

Any suggestions?

That's awful! Is there anyway you can switch pcm's to someone off post?


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## gingerstar

Sending my thoughts and prayers to anyone affected by the Ft Hood tragedy.


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *racie0417* 
New here and with alot going on....

My DH is in the AF and will be leaving very soon for a joint assignment Special Ops deployment. We are at a training base where few people deploy, and his work has been less than supportive.

We have a 26 month old son, who was just diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I am going to have to navigate getting him set up in the EFMP program by myself. We have a 7 month old son with severe reflux. I have beeen battling to get better medical treatment for him since he was 3 weeks old, but am consistently ignored by the doctors. For example, they refused a referral to a ped GI until he was spitting up blood. Now they are blaming lack of weight gain on poor breastmilk supply and refusing to do food allergy testing.

I don't have any family support, and am not close with my family. I do have a pretty good local support network but few people can manage 1 of my boys for a short period of time, and I don't know anyone that can handle them both.

Any suggestions?

Okay - do you have PRIME or Standard? I'd say switch to Standard so you don't have to wait for a referral. That being said you need to go to the MTF Ombudsman and ask for help - because this attitude with medical care is NOT okay.

On your EFMP - do you have the contact, help of his command? I think they have to sign off on lots of paperwork so you want them to know, before he leaves, that they need to assign an XO or CO who you can speak to who can sign the paperwork - NOT some low-ranking guy who will always promise to call back when he talks to someone. Get that "someone"'s number directly and make it work!

Good luck Mama - have you made any local MDC through your Tribal area? Maybe a local SN board for Moms of kids on the spectrum? Sounds like you could use a good mentor/friend to help through this journey.








Ft. Hood


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## ~Katie~

NEW THREAD!!!


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