# Completely unbearable waiting



## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

This really sucks! Okay, so this pregnancy will end in miscarriage. I get it . . . . why doesn't my body yet???!!!!

I had an u/s Thursday at 6w4d, which showed an empty sac . . . . okay, no baby. Let's get this over with. I want my body back. I want to drink coffee again (still have a strong aversion to it that started at 4 ks, and I really, really love coffee! Now I hate the smell of it.) I want to _not_ feel sick every day. I want to M.O.V.E. O.N. already.

Okay, thanks for listening to my ranting. Some days I feels as though I am losing my mind. There's this part of me that is trying to live my life as though everything is totally fine . . . then there's the other part of me. . .waiting . . . .


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## twilight girl (Mar 7, 2002)

Greta,

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I felt exactly the same way. I found out at 7w4d there was just an empty sac. Reconfirmed that at 9 weeks, and the m/c didn't start until 10w2d. Then it just went on, and on and on. 10w2d was Aug 13, and I'm still spotting a month later, haven't had a blood free day yet.

The natural route can be terribly frustrating, sad, long and what's worse, most every one doesn't want to hear about it anymore after a certain point. But, I try to believe that this is far better than the D&C route.

I hope you find some peace very soon,
Judi


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## aisraeltax (Jul 2, 2005)

so sorry for your loss...and hope your body "gets it" soon.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Thanks Judi. I am trying to be patient . . . . but it's so hard! You are a strong woman . . .

It's like such a betrayal, really. My body is betraying my soul.


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## Mindi22 (Jun 28, 2005)

Andrea,
I'm so sorry, and I sort of understand what you're going through. We found no heartbeat at our 13 wk appointment, and an US showed only an empty sac. Given that I was still having MS every day, and that my body showed no signs of giving up naturally, I opted for a D&C. I'm not convinced it was the best decision, but I am convinced that it wasn't a bad decision for me at this time.

We found out on a Wednesday, and I had the D&C on a Friday - I hoped that it would start naturally in between those two days, especially after the US when I had quite a bit of spotting since they did a vaginal US as well as an abdominal one. I pretty much hoped that would kick things into gear, but it didn't.

Following the D&C, I've had spotting off and on, nothing hugely major. I have a follow up appoinment with the OB next week (about two weeks post op), and I'm hoping to get cleared for most things. They tell me that I have to wait 2-3 cycles to try again, I'd like to start trying again after 1 cycle, depending on how I'm feeling emotionally. (I'm getting old (35 - HA!), and I really want my kids to be as close in age as possible.)

Enough about me... I hope things start for you soon and that you are able to have support and comfort around you. It's rough, and I'm sorry that you have to go through it!

Judi, you are a stronger woman than I! I can't believe that you've had the patience to deal with spotting and bleeding a month after starting. I'm sorry for your loss.

Blessings to you all,
Mindi


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Thanks for sharing, Mindi. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you are comfortable with your decision, and how difficult a decision that must have been! In a way, I am lucky (??!!) that I forced my hand and got the u/s now, feeling that something wasn't right . . . yep, I have awful MS, my breasts are soooooo tender and achey . . . . my pants are fitting a tad too snugly . . . .all the pregnancy signs one might expect at this point. Every one of them makes me angry at my body for it's betrayal.

I have had some bleeding now . . spotting really, and have had this for 6 days now . . it's nothing heavy, and seems to stop from time to time. Just enought for me to get excited that it's finally happening . . . .then it laughs at me and stops. No cramping, or at least, not much. Again, just enough to get me excited and optimistic, only to dash my hopes as the days go on.

My plan now is to try to hang in until my u/s Thursday, and speak to my midwife afterwards about my options. I just don't think I can hold on for another month or more like this . . . .


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## twilight girl (Mar 7, 2002)

Andrea,

Sorry I called you Greta. I even had looked at your sig, sorry









Hang in there. It can take time. You know best what the best route is for you. You might just want to do the D&C if the waiting is going to get you too depressed. There is nothing wrong with it. I just couldn't bear doing it again.

I spotted for about a week after my follow up u/s, then it kicked in full force. Bear in mind that you have no control, if you go natural, and it can come at any time without warning. And, it can be full on floodgates are open gushing. If you are out, you have a problem. So, it's totally understandable to choose a D&C.

Please don't feel that your body is betraying you. Your body is doing what it needs to do. It's not the outcome that you hoped for and dreamed of, but it is what had to happen. I hope this resolves for you soon.

Peace,
judi


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Oh , Judi. I think you are right about the surgical option for me - if things don't progress on their own. I am looking into some other options, like misoprostil, to avoid the surgical route. The timing is important to me - not only is the waiting hard and surprisingly depressing, but I am not a SAHM, and I only have one pair of black pants! I have worn the for the past 3 days I have worked, but that is going to be a problem, you know? It will be very hard to keep this as private as I'd like while working if it should begin there . . .

I know, you are right about the necessity for the m/c - I am so grateful to my body for figuring out that this baby wasn't going to be okay early enough along to handle it itself, but why hasn't it just finished the job? I t got halfway, and then just forgot what it was doing.

It was kind of nice to be called G! Silly, but any time I hear her name it conjures up an image of her in my mind, and she is my world, so I can't help but smile.

I cannot thank you enough for your kind words and encouragement. Particularly as you are still dealing with this yourself. Take care of you as well!


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Andrea--

Hang in there, this time will pass. I've been in your shoes, and it is misery to still feel pregnant when you no longer are.

Your remark about your body betraying you is so accurate. You put in words what I and so many others of us had been unable to.

Take care, I'll be thinking of you during this difficult time.

Keri


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Hi Andrea,

I am sorry for your loss. You may be waiting quite a while, but I do think it can make you stronger in the long run.

I am in the middle(?) of a miscarriage that sounds very much like your story. After 3 ultrasounds, it was determined that there was a sac, but no embryo (at about 9w). I continued to experience pregnancy symptoms for 3+ weeks, with no bleeding. I was very hungry, and had to get up in the middle of the night to eat most nights. Then, I spotted for about 2 weeks. Finally, I started to really bleed (requiring more than a pantyliner) about a week ago. Yesterday, the bleeding picked up, but I expect that there is still a lot more in there and it may go on for a while.

I am back into coffee, and it's great. The pregnancy symptoms (except for big breasts, but they aren't tender anymore) are all gone. My appetite is back to normal. However, my weight is still up 10 lbs, and I don't fit into half of my pants. So, it's been 6 weeks since I found out, although we were suspicious before that (hence the 3 ultrasounds).

Here are the things I tried to "move things along"

1. acupuncture (only one treatment - I didn't like the practitioner and I haven't had time to find another one). So, not sure how much this helped.

2. herbs prescribed by the acupuncturist. These were to increase blood flow to the pelvic region. They did work, in that I had increased bowel movements. I didn't take them quite as regularly as I should have. However, I do believe that they were responsible for starting the spotting.

3. Flax seed tea. Not sure this did anything, but I wasn't too enthusiastic about drinking it regularly.

4. Oral sex with swallowing (sorry if TMI). I DO think this worked. Semen has prostaglandins which can help contract the ueterus. The first bit of real bleeding started about 12 hours after...and we did this a few times throughout the week to keep things moving. (DH likes this plan!)

5. Exercise. Everytime I get on the exercise bike or go for a long walk, the blood flow seems to get stronger. (At this point, stronger is better; I'll change my tune in a week or so).

6. Epsom salt baths. I've been doing these about every other night for a week or so. They're supposed to be good for detoxing. I do feel rested afterward.

7. Things started to itch after a week of wearing pads, so I plan to order cloth mama pads from someplace online. I can't find them in stores anywhere around here. To deal with the itch, I take baking soda baths and use a clove of garlic. I swear by garlic for yeast and bacterial infections.

8. I also think that an aspirin that I took helped to keep things flowing. It does thin the blood...

I know it's a long list, but I have very few resources for "natural" things where I live, and I absolutely did not want drugs or a D&C. I will do something for myself when it is over - massage at a spa or new outfit or...

Stay strong, Andrea. You can make it through this.


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## twilight girl (Mar 7, 2002)

Someone else told me flax seed tea too. You can google it to find an easy recipe for it. It tastes nutty, and is not unpleasant. It is known to help shed the uterine lining.

I recommend you read the sticky in this forum about what to expect. ASusan and I are two perfect examples of how a m/c can be different for every woman. I had pantiliner spotting for a week. Then one night, after I had been hiking around our coffee farm at 6,000 feet and chopping down bunches of bananas, and hiking them (really heavy) back up to the car ... by the time we got back to the city I had a few cramps in the middle of my pelvic area, then just as we pulled in to our parking spot, GUSH. Soaked through the pad, my underwear and my jeans. Bled like that the rest of the night, couldn't leave my room. Next two days, a mini gush each day, but otherwise, AF type bleeding. Then spotting for three weeks, then AF like bleeding for a week, and now I'm back to spotting. Going natural takes a lot of patience and a lot of zen.

I've been putting cinnamon on my coffee to try and dry up the bleeding now, as i would like to get back to my regular old 28-day cycle.

Miscarriage is definitely not a one solution fits all problem. Just follow your instincts and do what's right for you.


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## fuller2 (Nov 7, 2004)

I went to an acupuncturist for this same thing and it worked quite well--had the miscarriage the next morning. I had some BAD cramps though, like a mini-labor, so be ready for that. Bled for maybe 4-5 days.

I am sorry you have to go through this. I remember my mc very well and how sad it was.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

*Hi Gretasmommy! I'm a lurker in the DDCs and I saw your annoucement. I'm so very sorry. We are also recovering from a full term stillbirth, our baby Alexis. I really hope your body cooperates and you can soon moveon. I'm so sorry you have to join us







*


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## Stayseeliz (Jul 16, 2004)

Andrea I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it was very hard to wait after I found out I was miscarrying for my body to start the process. And it was a very up and down time for me. I know it's hard. Take care of yourself.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

thanks all.

ASusan, I have mama cloth from http://www.tlc-pads.com/, and she's terrific to work with.

Thanks for the many suggestions and for all of the support you have offered. I am trying to be strong . . . things seem to have stalled out though.

Tomorrow is another day . . . .


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Still thinking of you....hoping it brings you some comfort.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Yes, it does bring me some comfort - thank you!

I am still waiting. A bit of mild (and I mean mild) cramping here and there, enough to get me excited, but so far it hasn't amounted to much of anything. Just pantyliner spotting for 10 days now.

I am feeling a bit better in that I have a meeting with my MW tomorrow (must get through one more day) and I will ask her for an rx for the misoprostil, I think. I can take it over the weekend and give my body a bit of a jumpstart. For me, feeling as though I have some measure of control right now would be incredibly helpful.

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. Off to another day of work, putting on the best smile I can . . .


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## pottermama (Jun 14, 2006)

With my first m/c I used black and blue cohosh to "get things started". It seemed to work really well and the cramping wasn't as bad as the medicines can make them. If you decide to try this talk with an herbalist for dosage and such. My thoughts are with you! Remember to take the time to take care of yourself during all this. It is really hard on your body physically and mentally. I hope you find the support you need!


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## Mammax4 (May 26, 2006)

Andrea,

I am sorry for your loss...and your state of limbo. I know how you feel. Take care and know our thoughts (and strength) are with you.

Micheline


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