# Daughter is starting to get over weight



## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

My daughter is 14 years old. She is 5'5", 147 pounds. I am concerned about her weight. I looked at some online charts and for her height and weight she should be between 105 and 125 lbs. While she is only a few pounds over weight, I don't want to wait until it's out of control before doing something about it.

I feel I'm at a disadvantage to help my daughter because I've never had a weight problem and have never had to watch what I eat. I'm 5'4" and weigh 110 lbs. The most I've ever weighed (besides my two pregnancies) was 120 lbs.

I've encouraged my daughter to ride her bike, which she does about twice a week for 20 minutes.

I've tried to watch what she eats, we don't eat fast food a lot, maybe once a week. For snacks I keep things like pop corn, Cheeze its, crackers, ramon noodles and Chef Boyardee. At one point I notice she was eating Cheeze its right from the box and I told her not to do that because she won't realize how much she's eating.

I also have to deal with my exH's side of the family, they are mostly overweight and give her a hard time if she doesn't want to eat.

Any suggestions on how to help her with healthy eating and/or exercise? And how to help her with weight loss without ruining her self esteem?


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## jdsf (Apr 6, 2011)

I would disagree that 5'5" and 147 is reason enough to make an issue about her weight. Girls at this age are so super sensitive about their bodies, and while that puts her BMI right on the cusp of healthy/overweight, the psychological implications of being told you're fat by a relative, especially your mother, at 14 will do nothing but guarantee a weight problem. Cheez it's and Chef Boyardee are not good snacks for a child with such a sedentary lifestyle, however. I suggest you either get her involved with a 1-2x per week dance class/sport/teen fitness group (which my DD 15 loves, most Y's or big gyms have them, teaches teens 13-17 to use gym/circuit equipment with guided work out) or have family exercise time. We do yoga, go swim, or play Wii fit or Just Dance (those dancing video games really are a decent work out) at least once a week as a family, aiming for 2 or 3 if we can that week. Both of our girls are underweight if anything, but emphasizing the importance of staying active at every age is important. In addition to, or if you really can't get her to do more than the bike 40 min a week, I would limit the amount of empty carbs available to her at snack time. Instead, offer to make a smoothie or buy those little cups of yogurt that are overpriced, but any kid will eat when the Cheez It's are no more. At our house, each kid gets to pick one container of junky food for the week, and when it runs out, that's it. You can either pace yourself or gorge and then eat healthy the rest of the week, but they still get to choose what they put in their bodies, and hopefully learn to moderate a little. No one's going to lay off snack crackers if the supply is bottomless, but realistically, you can't eat what you want all the time, and your body needs more healthy than junk.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

According to weight watchers the ideal rang for that height is 120 to 150. Unless her pediatrician says otherwise I wouldn't say anything to her. My mother tried to say some things about my weight to me as a teen and it really caused a lot of bad feelings between us. I do think limiting the junk is a good idea no matter what her weight is. Skinny people can still have bad cholesterol, blood pressure, etc... from eating a junk food diet.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> For snacks I keep things like pop corn, Cheeze its, crackers, ramon noodles and Chef Boyardee. At one point I notice she was eating Cheeze its right from the box and I told her not to do that because she won't realize how much she's eating.


These are all pretty crappy snacks (except may be popcorn -- depending on how its made and what it is topped with).

You are super focused on refined carbs, and for many people (including me and I'm guessing your daughter) the blood sugar spikes from such simple carbs leave them feeling hungrier than when they first started eating. The more I eat of certain foods (primarily white flour and white sugar), the hungrier I feel. For me, a snack has NO simple carbs. Instead, it includes a little protein, a little healthy oil, and some fiber. So hummus with baby carrots, or cottage cheese and fruit.

Rather than approaching this as something that you want her to change about herself, I gently suggest that you start learning about nutrition. Buy a new cook book that is focused on healthy foods, and make things with your daughter. Have fun together in the kitchen learning about preparing and then enjoying a more balanced diet.

(If I had the kind of snack food in my home that you have in yours, I would weigh 300 pounds).

Make being active a togetherness activity. We have a family membership to the Y, and a regular schedule for going. Health isn't just about weight -- every one really is better off with regular exercise -- even if they don't "need" it to control their weight. We also hike together as a family -- but that is harder to work into our schedule than our regular Y visits.

I think that saying anything to your DD about her weight is a mistake. It will only make her feel bad about herself and drive a wedge between the two of you. But there are things you could start changing for your own sake, your other child's, and her sake. Healthy food and finding ways you all enjoying being active are the cornerstones.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. I'll see if I can find some kind of activity she can get involved in. The problem is she is always hungry. I used to let her eat yogurt, but she'd eat three of them and still be hungry.

What are empty/simple carbs? I've never had to watch anything I eat so this is all so hard to understand.

Any suggestions for healthy snacks?


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Nuts, cheese, fruit. You need to get bulk and protein into her body. Veggies and fruit provide physical bulk to help you feel full and things like nuts and cheese provide you with longer lasting energy. Get the empty carbs out of the house--they don't do anyone any good. Jerky is often quite lovely.

I am 5'5" and I hit 145 lbs in high school. I wasn't fat. Not even slightly. If you go through and actually evaluate mortality data you will find that people in the "overweight" or first "obese" classification tend to be overall healthier and live longer than people who are "normal" weight. Please keep your judgments about your daughter's body to yourself. She needs to love herself without reservation. She can't stop being in the body she has. She has to learn how to be kind and loving towards that body without feeling shame for not being skinny enough for her mom. That's a harsh load to carry.

I have had to become far more active as a parent than I ever was before. I need to model healthy living and sitting on my butt is not healthy living. I had to learn how to exercise. I had to get up and run around with my kids. Children learn through modeling.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rightkindofme*
> 
> Please keep your judgments about your daughter's body to yourself.


Trust me, I've received MORE than my fair share of judgments from women who assume since I am skinny I must strave myself. I was constantly teased in school because I was so skinny. I KNOW not to make my daughter feel bad about her weight. I don't like it when people make comments about my weight so I would never do that to her.

My daughter is a beautiful, smart young lady. She isn't fat, but she isn't skinny either. The problem is all of her weight goes straight to her belly, her chest is 38", her waist is 37" and her hips are 41". I'd rather start helping her now when it's only a few pounds instead of waiting until she a 100 pounds over weight and say, Gee, we'd better do something. So many times you see obese kids on TV and people say,WHY did her parents wait so long? To me it's stupid to wait until your kid is so overweight that something drastic has to be done.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I'm extremely hostile towards skinny-bashing so I'm sorry you have been on the receiving end.

I'm going to say something slightly judgey. How about if you stop worrying about weight at all. It's not about how much you or your daughter weigh. But if you put crap in your body you won't be healthy regardless of size. Get the crap out of your house and things will be ok.

Maybe she will always have a belly bigger than you like. Maybe she will hit the dreaded oh no 100 pounds over weight!!!!!!! If she is eating healthy food and exercising it's ok. Truly.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Sorry mom but what you're providing her is crap. And telling her not to eat straight from the box you provided her because she won't know how much she's eating... yeah you are telling her she needs to watch it.

Just buy better snacks. More fruit more veggies. You don't need to watch her every move she's 15. She's riding her bike already and you don't need to breath down her neck over her weight. She's sound perfectly healthy to me. My own mother was a size one while I was a size 5. AND OH MY GOD!!! She was never that size! NEVER! I weight 140 and am 5' 6 when I'm not pregnant. People think I look very very thin. I carry my weight different. But my moms constant eye and remarks about how much of what SHE provided I ate caused my anorexia. Mom's can screw a kid up big time.

Also... why do you know her measurements? By knowing those she knows you're looking at her and are overly concerned about her weight.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Also... skinny is not always healthy. And not everyone wants to be 120 lbs. Thankfully Hollywood has given us a new group of role models. Now if only I could get my hips to expand some more... I kid!


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

You really shouldn't jump to the conclusion that I am "breathing down her neck" over her weight. Like I said before, I KNOW what it's like being teased about your weight, I love my daughter and would NEVER try to make her feel bad about her size.

The reason I know her measurements is because when you order clothes online you need them in order to figure out what size to order.

It's hard to find age appropriate clothes for her in her size so I have to order a lot of her clothes online.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Ok... Then what do want? For us to tell you to get her on a tread mill? And why so cranky? I'm speaking from the side of the a kid whose mother thought she wasn't doing anything wrong either. Just giving you a different perspective. Nothing wrong with that now is there?


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

What do I want? Suggestions for healthy snacks which a couple of posters gave.

I'm not cranky. I just wanted to respond to your comments that I "don't need to watch her every move" and I shouldn't be "breathing down her neck" about my daughter's weight. I wanted to clarify that is not what I'm doing.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Would you like to know what it's like to have a mother who is thinner than you and thinks there is something wrong with you even if there really isn't? You may not be saying it to her, but you're thinking it and it's worrying you enough to bring it here. I'm not trying to bash you here I want you to see how hard it can be. Her weigh height ratio is not obese. She's just not going to be your size ever.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Let's approach this gently. This is a new member who came here for advice. Please give it in a kind way.

One of the healthiest snacks we love here are frozen berries, a banana, and some coconut milk blended into a smoothy. It's delicious and you can add things like ground flax seed and greens to it. Lots of yummy goodness and lots of nutrients!


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Understood Mod, but I think she needs to see it's only a problem to her because she herself has never been that big EVER. And I wasn't trying to hurt feelings but being the kid in the OP makes me a little upset. That is all.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Another one we did before we found out our kids are allergic to casein (the protein found in milk) was sliced cheese with fruit. We left out the crackers, because they really weren't necessary.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Imakcerka*
> 
> Understood Mod, but I think she needs to see it's only a problem to her because she herself has never been that big EVER. And I wasn't trying to hurt feelings but being the kid in the OP makes me a little upset. That is all.


I was that kid, and I am that adult. I understand where the frustration comes from, but again, please, be kind to a worried mother.


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## Mosaic (Jun 20, 2005)

I agree that the focus should be on health and not weight.

I would encourage you to do some additional research and perhaps talk to your doctor to get a better understanding of health and weight, particularly since you have never struggled with weight issues and also because the teenage body is very different than that of an adult. I will point out that your acceptable weight range is inaccurate: 5'5 and 111 pounds is considered _underweight_ according to BMI, so a range between 105 and 125 is not a fair representation of what good health.

You might consider using the new year to start off a family-wide health kick. You didn't mention whether you worked out regularly or your own eating habits, but you may want to reflect a bit to see if they contribute to your overall health or if there is room for improvement that you never noticed thanks to a high metabolism. That way the focus in on everyone being healthier and not on helping a teen girl lose weight.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

First thing first, she is not actually overweight.

Telling her so would ruin her self esteem.

Ask yourself if she were your size or smaller would you be worried about her cheezit intake?

The snack items you posted are not even good for you. Let alone a growing kid. Snacks you want to keep in the house for yourself as well would be fruits veggies and low carb low sodium snacks.

I suggest you speak with her pediatrician as well. That may alleviate your concerns a bit and he/she may be able to help you with a better diet for the WHOLE family.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Imakcerka - I am not your mother, my daughter is not you. Please stop thinking that I'm telling my daughter this or that. Like Queen said, I'm on here to looking for help. Think about it, if I wanted to make my daughter her feel bad about herself I wouldn't even bother posting on here looking for advice on how to help her.

I used an online weight calculator just now and this is what they said:

Quote:


> A *14 year and 4 months old* (female) child who is *147 pounds* and is *5 feet and 5 inches tall* has a body mass index of *24.5*, which is at the *88th percentile*, and would indicate that your child is *at risk of becoming overweight*.
> 
> Your child's ideal body weight would be at a BMI at the 85th percentile or below, and so would be about *141 pounds.*
> 
> That doesn't necessarily mean that your child has to lose *6 pounds.* As he gets older and taller, he may thin out some and therefore just need to stop gaining weight, gain weight more slowly or lose some of that weight. Talk to your Pediatrician for more help interpreting these results.


Thanks, Queen for your suggestions. I'm going to stop buying the Cheeze its and get the sliced cheese with apples, and baby carrots with ranch dressing.

Mosaic - you are right this is hard for me because the only weight issues I've struggled with is trying to keep the weight on. I've actually had to drink weight gain in the past.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

well I'm certainly glad you got the answers you were looking for.


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## seashells (Jan 23, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> Mosaic - you are right this is hard for me because the only weight issues I've struggled with is trying to keep the weight on. I've actually had to drink weight gain in the past.


You seem very focused on making sure we know how thin you are.

Look, there are two separate things going on.

One - you are concerned about your daughter's appearance. Stop being concerned about her appearance. That is toxic and no good can come of it.

Two - you are not concerned about your health or your daughter's health. Heath does not equal weight. Weight does not equal health. This is not just some PC stuff, it's real. The snacks you stock in your house are not healthy, for you or for your daughter. If you think that your weight proves any level of health, you are wrong. If you think that Cheez-Its are okay for you because you are thin, you are wrong. It's crap no matter what size body is eating it.

So, now is a good time to decide whether you want to be the kind of mom who is focused on appearance (and that is ALL that weight is), or if you want to be the kind of mom who ensures the household knows how to nourish their bodies and has access to foods that contribute to growth, strength, energy and wellness.


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

I think in addition to changing to the snacks that were recommended on this thread (and besides apples and carrots and other fruits and vegetables you really should get some good proteins in there, plain almonds are good, as are hard boiled eggs, cheese has been mentioned, these things will help to keep her full while providing the building blocks for muscle) you might want to take a class on nutrition or have a sit down with your doctors. You have said that you have absolutely no knowledge about what is healthy food (as evidenced by the snacks you keep around), which means that you don't even know how to eat healthy yourself, this could really impact how you respond to disease (my very thin aunt recently had a heart attack and quadruple bypass, she had genetic disposition to heart disease but because she ate healthy and exercised (but was just thin by her predetermined body type, like you) she was able to survive and recover well from her heart attack and surgery. Finding out how to eat healthy will help you to be a good example for your daughter, and hopefully you guys can enjoy doing some exercise together (we like to do family walks, it's a great time to talk). Good luck with developing new healthy habits for your family!


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

My mom is consistently a size 2 or 4. I am consistently a 12 or 14. I am built like my paternal grandmother. Genetics are interesting.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> I used an online weight calculator just now and this is what they said:


And keep in mind that BMIs aren't completely accurate. Athletes will come up on the charts as obese because they have good muscle tone and low body fat. Muscles weigh more than fat so the charts will say they are obese because they weigh more than average.

Many girls and women shy away from weight training (lifting weights) because they are afraid they will look too muscley. It actually takes an enormous amount of work to look like a body builder. Lifting weights is great for women because it improves your bone density and helps prevent osteoporosis. AND having strong muscles means your body burns more calories even while you aren't doing anything.

I'd focus on adding more snack options that aren't starchy high carbs. I like peanut butter on apples, myself. My ds gets in food ruts so I think it's good to brainstorm what food options there are in the house and what would be good to stock up on. You could put a list of snack ideas on the fridge. A list doesn't even have to have the mentality of being about weight and health but could be focused on grocery shopping and budgets. Which foods give you the most nutritious bang for your buck? How much of what do you need to buy for a variety of snacks to last a week? My ds goes for what is easy so chips or crackers are his first choice but he'll eat better if other things are obvious.

Keep in mind if people restrict calories, their metabolism slows down. I wouldn't even talk about calories. The cool thing about people who haven't damaged their metabolism by eating low calories is that they will actually burn more calories while at rest if they over eat one day (or a few). So don't worry about the once in a while over eating when dd is around relatives.

The other thing I'd focus on is getting some physical activity most days. We like to take family walks...


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

There's a big misconception among many people that thin=healthy, and I see it playing out in a number of ways. Some of them do show up in your post.

I'm just going to throw them out here:

Since thin=healthy:


Thin people are all healthy
Thin people don't need to worry about nutrition
Whatever a thin person is eating must be healthy since it keeps them thin
If a person is thin, they don't need to exercise because they must get enough
A fat person must be unhealthy
A fat person must be eating unhealthy things
Whatever a fat person eats IS unhealthy
If a fat person is eating healthy and not losing weight, they must be lying about what they eat
If a fat person is exercising and still fat, they must be lying about exercise
Fat people who eat healthy and exercise all will become thin people.

All those things are accepted as absolutely true by many people. But they are all logical fallacies. I catch myself doing it; in the past, when I've tried to get fitter, if I don't lose weight doing it I think I must be doing it wrong and "its not working." It WAS working - I was getting much fitter and healthier!

I understand the issue with trying to provide snacks for a growing teen, too. My son is mid-growth spurt. He could eat all the time. I've had to brainstorm a set of snacks he can help himself to that won't break our budget.

In addition to the snacks you're providing being very carb-heavy and processed, I'd point out that they're also FULL of sodium. Most people don't realize just how salty ramen noodles are, for example. You're setting up a salt craving that can be very hard to re-train later.

Empty/simple carbs are simple sugars that cause quick rises in blood sugar followed by quick drops. This messes with the feeling of fullness and with hunger cues.

You may want to look up information on the Glycemic Index, which is a measurement of how a food affects blood sugar. Many people do very well on a low-glycemic diet - they feel better and are physically healthier.

You might also look for the book "The End of Overeating," which talks a lot more about processed food like cheezits and why it's a problem in the modern world. It's designed to be eaten quickly, and the processing actually enables our bodies to extract more calories from it, faster. The natural systems that keep our appetite and metabolism in balance are actively overridden by very sweet/salty/fatty foods - because in nature, those foods are vanishingly rare, so it is okay for our brains to tell us to eat ridiculous amounts of them. The problem is that in modern life, these foods are NOT vanishingly rare.

And on the subject of processed foods, you might get a lot out of Michael Pollan's "Food Rules." It's a little book of simple statements about food that condenses down his big, technical books into some easy-to adopt ideas. If you pick a few and try to stick with them, you'll find yourself eating a more nutritious, more whole-foods diet, overall.

Another tip, if you haven't already done this: sweetened beverages of any kind mess with our ability to judge fullness and contentedness with how much we eat. This includes artificial sweeteners. Stop stocking juice and pop, if you have it around. Just because you're thin doesn't mean you should be drinking it either. Drink water. Or water down the juice. I bought old-fashioned 7-ounce juice glasses like my grandmother had, and that's all we drink sweetened beverages out of of in our house. When cookbooks and meal plans talk about a "glass" of juice per day? That's what they were referring to until very recently.

Some of the things we do for snacks at our house:


Hummus with pita and carrots (I make it in the food processor from canned beans, which is quick and cheap)
Peanuts in the shell (having to crack them slows down the eating a bit, so they don't wolf down fistfuls before the sensation of fullness hits their stomach. Also, less salty).
Peanut butter toast (DH bakes bread weekly so it's a cheap option, also doesn't have some of the additives like DATEM which may contribute to T2 diabetes)
Greek yogurt (more expensive, but 3x the protein of regular yogurt) - kids know they get 1 per day
Baby carrots and dip
Apples (we buy them by the big bag)
Pineapple chunks (I buy them and cut them up and have a lidded bowl in the fridge.
Quesadillas with cheese and mashed black beans.
Eggs - hard boiled or fried on toast.
Chunks of smoked sausage (I justify this by buying it at the farmers market so at least its from healthy meat!)
Peanut butter on crackers (not the prepacked "PB Crackers," but actual PB spread on actual crackers, preferably without hydrogenated oils in the cracker)
Cottage cheese (with or without fruit)
Grape tomatoes (good with cottage cheese, actually)
Deli meat - either just rolled up and eaten, or as a sandwich


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

I find savithny's above post to be fabulous advice for looking a bit at practical things and how you may be perceiving the situation.

I'd like to also mention that even teens will put on a bit extra weight when approaching a growth spurt, just like you notice younger children do. And that's normal, and may be there a little longer. Doesn't mean their body doesn't actually need the energy storage they're developing.

Finding healthy and more active things to do together as a family is also always a good habit, even with teens, rather than just 'what can I get her involved in (by herself)'. It'll also be more likely to spark her interest in other active things to do.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Seashells - you are wrong that I am concerned about my daughter's appearance. I am concerned about her health. I wouldn't be so concerned if her weight was evenly distributed over her body, but her weight is concentrated in her belly. Belly fat is not good because it's concentrated around the organs in the abdomen and can lead to diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure.

The only reason I keep talking about my weight is to explain that my eating habits are probably not the best because I've never had to think about what I eat. And you are right that weight does not equal health. I want to be the kind of mom who teaches her kids how to eat healthy, but since it's something I've never had to think about before, it's something I have to learn, hence the reason for my post.

Savithny - thanks for explaining about the empty/simple carbs and all the other information. Very informative and helpful, your list of snacks is exactly what I was looking for. I think she would like boiled eggs.

Couple of questions - I thought I heard that deli meat is bad for you because it's processed?

And we do drink a lot of kool aid instead of water, but the problem with that is when I eat something greasy, I can not drink water. The water seems to sit on top of the food and makes me feel very gassy and bloated to the point of discomfort. Any suggestions?

And thanks to the other posters for their helpful advice.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> Seashells - you are wrong that I am concerned about my daughter's appearance. I am concerned about her health. I wouldn't be so concerned if her weight was evenly distributed over her body, but her weight is concentrated in her belly. Belly fat is not good because it's concentrated around the organs in the abdomen and can lead to diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure.
> 
> ...


This is where I think you're missing the point.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> The only reason I keep talking about my weight is to explain that my eating habits are probably not the best because I've never had to think about what I eat.


Why not? Because you're thin?

This is the fundamental point you will need to examine.

You did need to think about what you eat, whether you did or didn't. But it was every bit as important for you to think about what you eat as it is for your daughter.

I personally think deli meat is not the best because it's processed, you're right. But there's a relativity to this, too. But yeah, I think it's better to use, say, chicken pieces leftover from your roasted whole chicken or roasted breasts than deli meat, sure. But deli meat is more nourishing than, say, Cheetos.

What kind of foods feel greasy to you? You may want to avoid them altogether. Also, a nice alternative to water is iced tea (unsweetened is better, of course).


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Come to think of it, drinking water with just about everything I eat makes me feel bloated,

but especially Italian food like spaghetti, lasagna, chicken Parmesan, etc.

I'll drink juice instead of water, and it doesn't bother me at all.

I can try the iced tea as well, thanks.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

HA!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *amber3902* 


> Any suggestions for healthy snacks?


We keep fresh fruit, dried fruit (although if they start eating too much of that, I stop buying for a while - it's fine in small amounts, but too much sugar for high consumption), raw nuts and seeds. Our usual pantry stock of snacks is:

Almonds

Walnuts

Cashews

Pecans

Raisins

Dates

Prunes (my kids love them)

Apple rings

Sunflower seeds (we eat both roasted and raw)

Hemp seeds

We sometimes have pistachios and dried apricots, and I occasionally buy dried cranberries, but they have added sugar, so I don't do it very often.

The kids also snack on cheese (mostly cheddar) and yogurt. Some people don't think we should eat dairy, but I think there are good arguments on both sides.

I'm obese. I have disordered eating, and actually eat in two modes. My day-to-day eating habits are very good, but I also binge on junk on a fairly regular basis, which is what packed on the weight, and why I'm still so heavy.

However, when I was younger, I was active and healthy. At age 18, I did 30-40 minute aerobic dance workout every other day. I walked everywhere - miles a day. I did yoga twice a day. I did strength/weight training every day (alternating upper and lower body). I had a resting heartrate (measure of cardio health) of 55 bpm. According to the table, I was seriously overweight, as I weighed 160 pounds at 5'5" (same height as your daughter, but 13 more pounds). My advice is to focus on your daughter's health, not her weight. Despite all the press, they actually are two different things.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> The only reason I keep talking about my weight is to explain that my eating habits are probably not the best because I've never had to think about what I eat. And you are right that weight does not equal health. I want to be the kind of mom who teaches her kids how to eat healthy, but since it's something I've never had to think about before, it's something I have to learn, hence the reason for my post.
> 
> ...


You've never had to think about it before because you, too, have bought into the cultural narrative that says "thin=healthy." The idea that you only have to "think about it" and worry about good nutrition if you're overweight is a really dangerous fallacy in US culture. It's incredibly common, so most people don't question it.

Deli meat isn't the best, its true. But "processed" is a relative term. Good deli turkey,for instance, is preserved with salt and some chemicals, yes. But it's not chopped and reformed and puffed and hydrolized and stabilized and de-esterized and partially-hydrogenated and and and.... It's meat with salt and nitrates, generally. Which is almost certainly a better choice than a ramen noodle, nutritionally speaking.

Honestly, about the water? I can't see how adding sugar to it in the form of koolaid would help it mix with grease better. If you were saying that beer or wine or vodka sat better, that makes sense chemically because alcohol cuts grease. Just sugar? I don't know what the issue is with water and greasy meals, but adding sugar water to a greasy meal is NOT an improvement! If you can't drink water with a greasy meal, adding sugar isn't really the answer. Cutting the grease may be a better answer.

I don't even have much advice about how to give up kool aid because I've never drunk it except at birthday parties -- my mother didn't allow it in the house, back in the 70s. We just drank water with meals. You may find that adding a squeeze of lemon to your water makes it taste different and "cuts the grease" the way the kool aid does. While normally I'm one for gradual dietary changes, you may find everyone in your house benefitting VERY QUICKLY from just tossing the kool aid and going cold turkey.

The koolaid is a perfect example of the above fallacy, by the way: either no one ever looked sideways at you for drinking koolaid because you were thin anyway, or you never thought it was an issue. People have been trying to educate Americans that koolaid is unhealthy crap for years. It was why my mother wouldn't buy it. But to most of us, whatever thin people eat or drink is automatically "healthy" because they are "healthy" because they're thin.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Okay - just read savithny's post, and she came up with a much better snack list than mine, and the rest of her post rocks. Well said, savithny!

re: The ensuing discussion about deli meats. There are more and more nitrate free varieties available, so even deli meats can be better than they were. And, I agree with whomever said they're better than Cheetos.

Oh - avocados are also good, if your daughter likes them...or make up guacamole to dip veggies in. I didn't even mention veggies in my post, but all my kids love carrots, cucumbers and celery. There are also a few veggies that all but one (different one for different veggies) enjoy: broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, and tomatoes/grape tomatoes. They all make quick, easy snacks.


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## JollyGG (Oct 1, 2008)

I didn't read the whole thread. However what I did read covered the issues of your daughter getting even the subconscious feeling from you that something is wrong with her and a list of healthy snacks. I also wanted to mention that she simply might also be preparing for a growth spurt.

If she seems to be spreading out a bit and this is a change from the way her body has been looking it might just be some changes due to puberty (starting to build body fat for hips and breasts) or she might be preparing for a huge upward growth spurt. I think it's pretty common for a 14 year old to get a bit thicker as their body is going through some pretty extreme changes.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

You could try drinking water with a wedge of lemon squeezed in it. My husband does not like water so he brews celestial seasonings herbal tea, like tangerine zinger, and keeps that in the fridge. Or you could eat less greasy foods;-) If you mix up your own koolaid, you can use less sugar than it says. It's better to not drink it since it is just sugar and food coloring, but making it with less sugar can be a baby step towards more healthful beverages.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I missed the water discussion at first, but I agree about herbal teas and/or lemon water. I think peppermint tea, in particular, tastes really nice when it's chilled. Peppermint also has a reputation for soothing the stomach.


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## jdsf (Apr 6, 2011)

Clearly this is a touchy subject here! Sorry for the negative responses you've been receiving. Anyway, as a partner to someone who was always very thin and had to be careful she was not underweight during pregnancy, I know that skinny bashing and fat phobia can be equally distressing. DP also had a rather unhealthy diet into her early twenties since she could just eat whatever she wanted whenever, and also had to learn about healthy food and eating habits, mostly during her first pregnancy (which she remained a size 0 after). Both of our girls went through periods of being very thin, DD 15 filled out around 13 and has a BMI of 17 now. DD12 is at her long and lankiest, not quite 15 BMI but she is getting taller by the minute and hasn't filled out yet. A lot of people, including a grandmother, are particularly nosy about DD12's weight and suggest we aren't feeding her enough or there's something wrong. She is perfectly healthy, her best friend weighs one pound more than her at the same height, and many kids go through the "all legs" stage, just as many kids might start getting stocky before they reach their full height. Don't let your views, or anyone else's, on what a child *should* weigh influence your parenting here. I agree that a healthier diet is the way to go. I became a vegetarian almost a decade ago, mainly because I knew I would eat crap like fast food cheeseburgers if I could. Being more conscious about what you put in your body is a good practice for anyone.

Healthy, filling snacks we enjoy:
Nachos with multigrain tortilla chips (black beans, tomatoes, green onions if we have them, and a little cheese - maybe 1 cup grated per tray)
Smoothies. They are really great, easy to get a day's worth of fruit and delicious.
Ramen noodles with a healthier bullion (we like better than bullion, also vegetarian) so it's not full of MSG and other crap. Still an empty carb but kids love ramen, it seems wrong to take it away entirely








Cheese tray - serve a Brie or other mild cheese with fruit and some good whole grain bread or triscuits, not too many, mostly apples or pears to eat the cheese on. For some reason, if it's fancy, they feel full after eating less.
Ants on a log - we use almond butter instead of peanut butter and whatever dried fruit we have - cranberries, golden raisins, currants, etc
Applesauce. Simple, and you could eat half a jar without it being bad for you. I buy the unsweetened kind, it's plenty sweet without added sugar.
Meatless chicken nuggets, taste pretty much the same as real chicken nuggets but aren't as bad for you. They aren't great for you, but it still helps make a plate of baby carrots more palatable. Good incentive to get them to eat something they don't care for particularly. I'm all about serving up little hors de oeuvres plates, throw a deviled egg in there with low cal mayo and you've got a good snack.

I also like to "hide" vegetables in most meals, for example, zucchini tots are awesome. Just grate a potato and a zucchini, add an egg and some seasoned bread crumbs and chopped onions and bake in a greased mini muffin tin. They taste like little tater tot/latke cakes, and kids will eat four of them never knowing they ate 1/4 of a zucchini









I love Epicurious and Pinterest, they have great recipe ideas to encourage healthier eating as a family.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Thanks for the additional advice on healthy snacks, Stormbride, Savithny, and 4evermom

I'm sure deli meat even if it's processed is better than ramen noodles.

And I'll try some of the suggestions for kool aid substitution.

JollyGG - you made a good point that a 14 year old's body is still changing. I think focusing on a more overall healthy diet will be good not just for her but for the entire family as well.


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## salr (Apr 14, 2008)

Right on, Savithny. OP, I think you would benefit from reading some books on healthy eating. My recommendation is You Are What You Eat by Gillian McKeith. It's a small, simple book with really pretty pictures and I found that to be inspiring and that it made the idea of eating healthy seem easy and tasty. It's like a coffee table book with a purpose.

Also, I second the recommendation of putting lemon, lime, or a small amount of juice into water. Sometimes water doesn't settle well in my stomach. Like first thing in the morning...don't know why.

Lastly, I understand what you mean about not thinking about these things before as a thin person. It took a big gradual shift for me to get into healthy eating. Now I love it! It's not that I didn't think it was important as a thin person, it was just never on my mind. Sure, that's probably because of society's messed up views on weight and health. But it doesn't make me a bad person.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Jdsf,

I didn't see your post until after I posted, thanks for your encouragement and understanding!

I like your zucchini tot recipe, I'm definitely going to try that one.

Edited to add - And thanks Salr, you're right that since I've always been thin, thinking about these things has never been on my mind. I've always had to contend with family members telling me I need to eat more. I've heard the saying "never trust a skinny cook" and it's happened to me several times where people look skeptically at things I've cooked and when they eat it they are so surprised like because I'm skinny I don't know how to cook!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Oh - another thought about water. Salr's comment about water first thing in the morning reminded me, as I sometimes don't want water first thing, either. I found out years ago that it helps me if the water is warm, not cold. It may not work for everyone, but I thought I'd throw it out there. I think sometimes our stomachs just don't want the cold water. I drink a lot of water, and it's about 50/50 whether any given glass will be warm or cold (or, occasionally, hot), and it depends completely on what I'm in the mood for in the moment.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I have water issues. What I have done is buy a soda stream. I know that carbonated water is still not "as good" as still water straight from the tap but the carbonation allows me to drink 6-8 glasses of water a day without a problem. When I'm stuck with still water I often just can't handle it. I grew up with kool-aid and soda being the beverages of choice. Despite this not being a "perfect" solution it is a significant improvement for me. Progress not perfection.

It has been ridiculously hard for me to turn my eating habits around. I have been a carbitarian for most of my life. I <3 ramen. It's about improvement not perfection.

I'm sorry a lot of the reactions have been so hostile. I don't think you are starting in a horrible place.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rightkindofme*
> 
> Progress not perfection.


This.

My eating habits were never super awful. They got worse in my teens, and then picked back up again in my 20s. Despite some bumps, they're better now than they were. But, it hasn't been steady progress, and I'm not even aiming at perfect. I'm aiming at better.

Thanks to this thread, and a discussion I'm having on Facebook, I made my kids their "bits and pieces" lunch today, instead of PB&J...again...


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I think the important thing is that you are now thinking about more healthy eating. I've found that it isn't always necessary to go cold turkey on the junk we enjoy - just cut it back to an occasional treat. In time? None of you will crave it all that much.

You got some great advice, wrt snacks and exercise. Have you thought about just walking, the two of you? Great Mom/daughter time. Also, you didn't mention what you all eat for your regular meals. Do you cook together? That's a great way for BOTH of you to learn better food habits. Also, those leftovers will add to the snack/lunch possibilities. And yet more good bonding time.

Good luck!

ETA: Also - portion control is key!


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Thanks for the additional tips re: water.

I'm looking into programs at the YMCA - most of the programs I've seen stop at age 12.

At one time she did karate, but it got too expensive for me - it was $95 a month and

I had to stop it. But I'll keep looking around to see what I can find.

Mtiger - Yes, I've thought of walking, but I work full time so by the time I get home from

work it's dark outside. But once the days start getting longer we can start doing that.

To answer your question about meals, my dinner usually consist of either steak/chicken/fish, a side of either baked potato or rice, and some kind of vegetable.

I always try to make sure we have some kind of vegetable with every dinner.

My D14 is usually doing her homework while I cook, but I can certainly have her help me when she doesn't have homework.

You're right, it's a good time for bonding.

Thanks again for all the helpful suggestions.


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## homeschoolingmama (Jun 15, 2007)

It is ok that you have your worries. You want what is best for your daughter. If one of my daughters grew up and looked a bit overweight I would probably wonder what to do as well. I wouldn't mention it to them though. I would worry about her health and the way others will speak to them if it got to be more. Of course you love her and want what is best. Here is what I would do.

I wouldn't let on the way I felt. I would change our food to healthier food and take any junk out of the house. I prefer that anyway. I would turn it into a family thing. The family needs to get in shape. The family needs to eat nutritiously. Don't show any worry toward your daughter.

I know people can be touchy talking about weight but a caring mother can also worry. It doesn't mean that she is being judgmental and negative. I would worry a bit if my daughters started getting overweight. I wouldn't want them to struggle. I love them. I would try to help but through our whole family.


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## pek64 (Apr 8, 2012)

If you are going to be drinking a lot of tap water, filter it. A simple Brita pitcher is not that expensive, and good health is worth the cost!! Filtered water tastes soooo much better, no carbonation is needed!


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## rachelsmama (Jun 20, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> Mtiger - Yes, I've thought of walking, but I work full time so by the time I get home from
> 
> work it's dark outside. But once the days start getting longer we can start doing that.


I used to be reluctant to go out walking or biking after dark, but last winter I was forced to start doing it due to circumstances, and I found it quite liberating. I bought some reflective armbands and small LED lights for bicycling, and I use them some when I walk too, but those aren't expensive. The world can be very pretty on a crisp winter evening.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

I just wanted to add my experience to this. I have some very good friends that I met when their oldest son was 12. He was thicker than what others (not his parents) wanted, and they would harp on him about it. He kept gaining weight and got a bit chubby.

Then at 15 he grew. And grew. And grew. Now he's a beanpole. Teenagers need that fat to grow, and it can take them a couple years. They will often gain that weight even eating healthy foods. I feel the key is to make sure that their food is healthy so they have a wonderful foundation to grow on.

About the belly fat on your daughter, that fat can be important during puberty to ensure she can have children. Or she could just be pear shaped. Or her natural waist could be higher than her belly button.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

Sorry you were given a bit of a hard time.

I would bring DD shopping with you. Maybe let her choose her own healthy snacks? Bulk stores can be quite good - as they have assortments of nuts, seed, granola, etc. I would not control what she eats (at all!) but I would make a concerted effort to bring more healthy food into the house. If crap is not in the house, she cannot eat it (unless she spends her own money on it).

I do not know if you use pinterest or tumblr, but both can be used as a fun source of healthy recipes. It can be something you do together, where you scroll around for healthy snack ideas, and pin the ones you like&#8230;.

Good luck!


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## pek64 (Apr 8, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lazurii*
> 
> I just wanted to add my experience to this. I have some very good friends that I met when their oldest son was 12. He was thicker than what others (not his parents) wanted, and they would harp on him about it. He kept gaining weight and got a bit chubby.
> 
> ...


I agree that you shouldn't make too big an issue of it unless it is an ongoing trend. My mother thought I was getting fat as a teen, and then I grew. I'm glad I didn't listen to her. If it's just a bit, wait to see if she's going to grow.


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## oplong (Jan 3, 2013)

I didn't even read all of the posts, but it sounded like you were getting some good advice about snacks. Basically, the less "processed" something is the better it is for you.

I have a 15 year old daughter who at one time was overweight. I was extremely hesitant to say anything. My grandmother harped at me about weight when I was a child and I struggled with eating disorders all through adolescence. So I didn't know what to say to my daughter.

She eventually decided to do something herself. She started swimming year-round and she became a vegetarian. Now she is vegan. I don't know what she weighs and neither does she, but she looks great. She is about 5'7" and wears a 7 or a 9 depending on the brand.

Has your daughter said anything about her weight? I would use that as a cue.

Also, keep an eye on it. Juvenile onset diabetes and certain thyroid conditions can present initially with increased appetite. If you are really concerned, a trip to the pediatrician may be warranted. The pediatrician also can talk to your daughter about diet and exercise.

Hope this helps.


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## Neaera (Nov 27, 2012)

I think the best thing you can do, for everyone in your family, is to make some healthy lifestyle changes for everyone. This way your daughter does not feel singled out, and everyone benefits. I have a 13 year old dd who tends to fall just below the low end of what is considered healthy for her height and body frame. If she does not work out, she is considered underweight, without the added muscle. She would much rather make art or read, and our doctor was just as concerned about my daughter being too thin and sedentary as she was about me having weight to lose. So, now we all (including my partner, who is in pretty great shape,) are making changes. We all feel in it together, and I feel supported in my weight loss while my daughter is building more muscle, while we all improve our cardiovascular health. Actually, it would be the perfect lesson for your daughter that thin does not always equal healthy. If you have never thought about food or exercise in the past, chances are you probably could make some improvements as well. Win-win.

For us, dance games on the Wii are a great option, as is long walks with our dogs, swimming, and hiking. We also try to walk most places under 1.5 miles away if the weather is cooperating.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Imakcerka*
> 
> Ok... Then what do want? For us to tell you to get her on a tread mill? And why so cranky? I'm speaking from the side of the a kid whose mother thought she wasn't doing anything wrong either. Just giving you a different perspective. Nothing wrong with that now is there?


Who's being cranky???????


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

OP, I think you're heeding this advice. I don't know why people were so harsh with you.

Sav has some amazing points. You should rethink skinny=healthy but I think this thread hopefully will get you thinking about it.

Baby steps....

If I were in your shoes, I'd just focus on having better snack choices for your dd. That is a great place to start. Don't worry about changing everything at once. Then it seems daunting and it's easy to give up.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

There is a whole movement called Health At Any Size. It's a great place to start for all kinds of points of view about healthy living.  You can google it and find lots of good stuff as well.


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## Banana731 (Aug 4, 2006)

You've gotten really good advice about snacks and food here. Something that helps me in deciding what kind of food to eat or buy is to think about how close that food is to it's original state, because that's typically a healthful food choice. Meat, veggies, brown rice- besides being slaughtered/picked and cooked, it's pretty close to it's natural state. Cheetos are corn and cheese, I think, but that's pretty far from what corn and cheese actually are, right? Even cheese, which is processed from milk, is still just milk and bacteria ( and maybe annato to make it yellow) so it's still really close to it's natural form. I also tend to shy away from things that have non-food ingredients. If I don't recognize most of the ingredients as whole foods on their own, I question the healthfulness of the item.

I also don't care for water first thing in the morning. I will drink very diluted cranberry blend juice ( the 100% type, not a cocktail with added sugar) and water with breakfast. About 1/4 juice to 3/4 water. You could start stronger and water it down more over time. It's also nice with seltzer instead of water. Big batches of iced Mint tea or regular tea with lemon sweetened with honey might make a good replacement for the sugary drinks for your family too. Again, over time, you can cut down the sweetness.

It's hard to change your Eating habits, but it's a really good feeling when see your family enjoying goods that are actually good for you. Good luck OP!


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## pek64 (Apr 8, 2012)

Water from the tap tastes like crap, to me. I has too much addes to be very healthy, in my opinion.

A side note on Cheetos -- their dairy cows are fed the Cheetos that are broken, or otherwise imperfect, before bagging. At least that's what their pamphlet said, 10 or so years ago. Just fyi.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Our massage therapist tells us that all winter we should be drinking water mixed with about 10% apple juice because that will help our dehydration better than plain water. My husbands hands no longer crack and bleed all winter so it does seem to be helpful. It's a baby step towards less sugar.


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## pek64 (Apr 8, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rightkindofme*
> 
> Our massage therapist tells us that all winter we should be drinking water mixed with about 10% apple juice because that will help our dehydration better than plain water. My husbands hands no longer crack and bleed all winter so it does seem to be helpful. It's a baby step towards less sugar.


Does your massage therapist have a recommendation for someone who hates apple juice? I have the problem with my hands, but can't stand apple juice!


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *pek64*
> 
> Does your massage therapist have a recommendation for someone who hates apple juice? I have the problem with my hands, but can't stand apple juice!


Any 100% fruit juice is ok. (Though the ratio of how much juice to water changes a bit because some juices taste *nasty* diluted down to 10% in my opinion) The point is to get just a little bit of sugar into the water because your body absorbs more of the sugar water. The plain water often flushes through when you are already too dehydrated.


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## pek64 (Apr 8, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rightkindofme*
> 
> Any 100% fruit juice is ok. (Though the ratio of how much juice to water changes a bit because some juices taste *nasty* diluted down to 10% in my opinion) The point is to get just a little bit of sugar into the water because your body absorbs more of the sugar water. The plain water often flushes through when you are already too dehydrated.


Thanks!


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## Greenlea (Apr 21, 2010)

In H.S. I was 5'4" and 140 lbs but far from overweight. However, your daughter's measurements do seem curvy but not necessarily overweight. Best thing I think is to lead by example. If you're going to buy crappy snacks and eat them in front of her, she's not going to stop eating the crappy snacks and jump up and eat an apple. I find it interesting that you do not know what a healthy snack is - makes me wonder what your actual meals look like then. If you dont' know that Cheetos and Cheez Its aren't healthy, do you know that refined white pasta, and tons of cheese loaded on top of your veggies isn't healthy either? What does a typical meal in your household look like?

How does one not know that an apple is healthier than a Cheeto? Regardless of the fact that you haven't had to worry about your weight and what you eat, come on, you know what is healthy - don't B.S. us!


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rightkindofme*
> 
> Any 100% fruit juice is ok. (Though the ratio of how much juice to water changes a bit because some juices taste *nasty* diluted down to 10% in my opinion) The point is to get just a little bit of sugar into the water because your body absorbs more of the sugar water. The plain water often flushes through when you are already too dehydrated.


A bit of sea salt (it has to be sea salt, not refined) in water also does the trick.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

More great suggestions, thanks!

For the record, I don't buy potato chips or Cheetos, I think someone mentioned trying to find food that is as close to it's natural state as possible.

That's a good place to start.

No, I'm not completely clueless when it comes to knowing what's healthy and what's not, but some things are very decieving. For example, my daughter like Raisin Bran cereal and I was like, good, it has bran, raisins etc. But then I noticed it had more grams of sugar per serving than Frosted Flakes! Also, I have to admit I like Chef Boyardee, Cheeze its and Ramen noodles because they all have a long shelf life. I can buy several and they can sit in the pantry for months without going bad. Whereas if you don't eat fruits right away they'll go bad and then you've wasted your money. But I just have to be more on top of it to make sure they don't go bad before they're eaten.

And it's great to get ideas you haven't thought of from other parents! I wouldn't have thought of rolled up deli meat or boiled eggs as snacks on my own.

I talked to my daughter the other night. In addition to working full time I had been going to school two nights a week to get my associate's degree. Well, I just finished that up in December so now I have more free time. My daughter has done tennis and karate before the past and I asked if she would like to pick one of those back up since I now have the time to take her.

I didn't say it like, 'well, you need to get active'. I simply said, "Now that I've finished school I have more time to take you to things, would you be interested in taking karate or tennis again like you did in the past?"

She told me she liked when she played tennis and would like to pursue that more, so I'm looking into some local places that offer clinics that would be in my budget.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

I tried drinking water with my lunch today, (Marie Calendar microwave meal) and it was luke warm water temp. I only took a few sips with the meal, but I feel so bloated now I am going to have to get a soda so I can burp out the extra air!









I did notice my daughter is starting to drink water with her meals, though, so maybe it doesn't bother her the way it does me. And NO, I did not force her to drink water, she decided to do it all on her own, yay.

I wish I could drink water with my meals, but it makes me so bloated it hurts! Someone else had once suggested just taking sips of it throughout the day, that so I'll keep doing that, wish it didn't have this affect on me when I eat.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

How about tea? Not iced tea - but hot tea with a normal amount of sugar. It has to be better than soda&#8230;.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kathymuggle*
> 
> How about tea? Not iced tea - but hot tea with a normal amount of sugar. It has to be better than soda&#8230;.


Doh! I forgot about tea.

I'll test that next time, see if that doesn't make me as gassy.

txs


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## womenswisdom (Jan 5, 2008)

Have you checked out www.100daysofrealfood.com? There is lots of information about eating more healthfully as well as meal ideas and resources here: http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/real-food-resources/.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *pek64*
> 
> A side note on Cheetos -- their dairy cows are fed the Cheetos that are broken, or otherwise imperfect, before bagging. At least that's what their pamphlet said, 10 or so years ago. Just fyi.


Yes, I went on a potato chip factory tour and they proudly talked about how they donated all the chips swept up from the floor or otherwise unsellable and gave them to local farms for cow feed. They told us how much and how quickly the cows gained weight from this... I guess I should reprioritize buying grass fed beef!


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Double post


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> I didn't say it like, 'well, you need to get active'. I simply said, "Now that I've finished school I have more time to take you to things, would you be interested in taking karate or tennis again like you did in the past?"


Right on. Well said.

Sort of off topic: working full time and going to school two nights a week, your daughter is getting a *great* lesson seeing her mom prioritize education. You're a good role model.

Forget dieting and exercising. NO ONE likes going on a diet and exercising. What people like is eating good food and the over all great feeling of being physically fit. Diet and exercise. Eat good food and be physically active. It's a lifestyle for the whole family, regardless of their body type.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)




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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)




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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Triple post!


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> Also, I have to admit I like Chef Boyardee, Cheeze its and Ramen noodles because they all have a long shelf life. I can buy several and they can sit in the pantry for months without going bad. Whereas if you don't eat fruits right away they'll go bad and then you've wasted your money. But I just have to be more on top of it to make sure they don't go bad before they're eaten.


YES!!! I can totally relate to this. I work hard to see that my family eats healthy, and this is defiantly one of the challenges. Another challenges for me is that healthier foods tend to take longer to prepare. There are so, so many options that can just be grabbed and heated, but to have a healthy diet with variety, I spend more time peeling, chopping, and cooking.

None the less, it's worth the effort.









What happens if you drink water with a very light, unprocessed meal -- for example, a tossed green salad with grilled chicken (no croutons, tortilla chips, or junky dressings -- just veggies, meat, and oil and vinegar)? I doubt that its the water that makes you bloated -- I think that the processed foods you eat are messing with you, and that it is more noticeable when you give you body enough water to try to process it.

Does your body show signs of mild dehydration?

Quote:


> One of the best indicators of dehydration is the color of your urine, according to MayoClinic.com. Dark yellow urine indicates that your body needs more fluid. Other symptoms of mild or moderate dehydration include a dry mouth, tiredness or fatigue, thirst, dry skin, headache, constipation or dizziness.
> 
> Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/444850-signs-symptoms-of-mild-moderate-severe-dehydration/#ixzz2HjyigLRV


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## AAK (Aug 12, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> Thanks for the additional tips re: water.
> 
> ...


When we were members at the YMCA, they told me that the programs for adults were open to teens also. You two could pick one to do together. The best thing about the 'adult' programs is that your membership covers the drop in classes. . . no additional fees.

Amy


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

I haven't read this whole thread, but have read most of it. I think the major things you need to do are

1) change the entire family's eating habits to a healthier, more whole-foods diet. Get rid of all the processed junk and learn to eat whole, simpler foods. This can be a learning curve, so I would start by making baby steps. Get rid of cheez-its and eat carrot sticks or fruit instead. Replace the ramen noodles with a basic recipe you learn to make yourself that you can make in big batches and keep in the freezer for quick meals. A simple recipe might be something like rice noodles, with cut-up roasted chicken, chopped broccolli and a healthier (ie. no msg or other junk) soy sauce

2) Accept that your daughter will never be as thin as you are..she is a different person and built differently. Everyone is different and 5'5" and 147 pounds is within the healthy rate range...maybe at the upper end, but still within it.

3) Don't assume that she is going to just keep gaining and gaining until she ends up at like 250 pounds. A healthy person with a healthy diet and healthy metabolism will not keep gaining weight..their weight will stabilize. You daughter may continue to gain some, as she may still be growing some..but as long as her diet is healthy and she has some activity and she isn't binging, she isn't going to end up obese or antyhing.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> Also, I have to admit I like *Chef Boyardee, Cheeze its and Ramen noodles* because they all have a long shelf life. I can buy several and they can sit in the pantry for months without going bad. Whereas if you don't eat fruits right away they'll go bad and then you've wasted your money. But I just have to be more on top of it to make sure they don't go bad before they're eaten.


And the above are so bad for you! WHY do you think they have such a long shelf life? (Hint: Preservatives, sodium, etc.) Your Marie Calendars meal is not a heck of a lot better. I swear - I do not even buy that stuff in case of an emergency.

Does cooking from scratch take more time? It can. BUT... You can also cook more than one portion at a time and freeze. In other words - build your own stock of "fast food". Just healthier. I often spend a day on the w/e cooking in bulk (used to do it more when the kids were home). Invest in a crock pot. You can toss a lot of slightly worn veggies into a stew, casserole, sauce, meatloaf. Slightly worn fruit? Make muffins and add them. Then freeze individually. Seriously - almost ANYthing you prep from scratch is going to be better than a load of preservative-laden crap. AND cheaper in the long run.

And I still recommend getting your daughter to cook with you. I cannot tell you how many young women do NOT cook at all. And then they perpetuate the pattern you have with your daughter. (Note for all - get your sons into the kitchen, too! When they grow up, and they find a gal who doesn't cook??? They will thank you for making sure they could. Trust me on this.)


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I would toss (or donate) the Cheez-Its, Ramen and Chef Boyardee. They have no nutritional value, so they're all what another poster called "empty calories."

Fruit does go bad sooner, but you can get canned fruit (packed in juice, not syrup) for snacks/meals or frozen fruit for baking and smoothies.

For our kids' snacks, we buy organic yogurt, applesauce cups and string cheese. I try to keep apples and bananas on hand, though they often get eaten within a day of purchase.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Well, this thread started off on the wrong foot, but I think I've gotten some wonderful suggestions. I think in the past year or so since I've been working and going to school part time I've gotten into some bad habits. Thanks for the kudos on working and school, it hasn't been easy being a single mom, working full time and going to school part time, I'm very glad it's over with. In the past I didn't always eat a bunch of junk, for two years I didn't eat fast food of any kind, it's only been lately with going to school that it got hard to have time for home made, healthy food. But I'm done with school now, I have my associate's degree and now I have more time to prepare meals and take my girls to physical activities.

I guess you could say we fell off the wagon, so to speak. I think I was also concerned because I recently saw some of my daughter's cousins on their father's side of the family. These girls were about my daughter's height and weight a few years ago, and now they are obese. I'm not talking a few pounds overweight,

I'm talking 150 pounds overweight. Everyone on her father's side of the family is overweight, and

I started worrying that that was going to be my daughter in a couple of years.

We have the Wii at home, and the other day I bought the new Just Dance game for my girls. Me, my D14 and D7 all played it last night and had a great time.

I also used to buy a lot of fruits, like strawberries and grapes, so when I went to the grocery store last night I bought baby carrots, apples, cucumbers, and popcorn. My girls love cucumber slices with salt and pepper and I'm sure pop corn is better than Cheeze its. Just a few tweaks to get us back "on the wagon".

*Water update*

I also remembered hearing from somewhere about putting baking soda in your water. I tried that and it kept me from getting bloated.

So for those of my fellow water challenged friends you may want to try that. Just a little sprinkle of baking soda in the water helps keep the bloating feeling away.

Thanks for all the encouragement, maybe one day I'll be able to help someone on here in return.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I know what you mean. Some of my dh's many siblings are obese, they're all overweight. I'd be an idiot not to take that into account when considering my kids' health.


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## nd_deadhead (Sep 22, 2005)

I've skimmed through all the posts, and only once did I see what I think is the most important question of all:

OP, how does your daughter feel about her size/weight?

If she is comfortable with her weight, that's great! You both could still benefit from healthier eating. If she feels like she is overweight, or headed in that direction and wants to do something about it, you could offer some suggestions.

I have rarely been what I would consider "skinny" (except for one summer out of college, when I couldn't really afford to eat). My Mom struggles with her weight, and I saw her do Weight Watchers and various diets. Over the years I've learned a lot of weight loss tips. One of my sons developed a bit of a spare tire in high school, so we talked about what he could do to reduce it. I don't think he ever weighed himself, but he judged by how his pants fit.

- Portion control is very important. Before taking seconds (or thirds!), I reminded my son to think about whether it was his tummy or his mouth that wanted more food.

- Using a smaller plate makes a small portion look like more food.

- We have never made our kids clean their plates at the table. They often leave a few bites of food on their plates.

- I reminded my son that it took a long time for that extra weight to get there; it was OK if it took just as long for it to go away.

- It's better to eat healthy snacks between meals than to be starving and eat too much at mealtime.

It did take a while, but my son did lose some weight, and kept it off for a year or so - until he started college and lived in a dorm. After just a few weeks he found himself gaining weight, and decided to do something about it. Fortunately he had the tools and knowledge to make changes to his eating habits, and by Christmas he weighed less than he did when school started.


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## mar123 (Apr 14, 2008)

It's really interesting how people can weigh the same and be built so differently. My 14 year old daughter is 5'4, weighs 141 and plays basketball- JV and varsity. Her measurements are 35,24, and 36. She recently lost about 8 pounds because SHE wanted to. She is active and eats well. She would get a little tummy on her right around her period, but that was it. However, she wanted to lose wieght. She changed her eating: more protein, fewer simple carbs, started running 2 miles a day when she doesn't have practice or a game. In a month, she dropped the weight hshe wanted.

I have fought my weight my entire life; DH never has. My kids are normal weight for their height, but all know they need to be careful. They will never be the kids who can eat without gaining. (My hubby was until he hit 40. Now he skips ice cream and drops five pounds, LOL)


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Well done, Amber! Switching up some of those snacks and incorporating physical activity into your routine is the way to go. My mantra is "moderation in everything". You CAN have some of those junky snacks, every now and again. As long as it is an occasional treat and the rest of your diet is pretty healthy.

I LOVE Stauffers Mac & Cheese. Just love it. But I cringe at the amount of salt it has. Yes, I know - my homemade is so much better, but... I still love it. So I allow myself to give in maybe once a month. Satisfies that "itch", and I'm good for a while. Give it time, and you all may be able to do the same.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mar123*
> 
> It's really interesting how people can weigh the same and be built so differently.


I agree. My DD 15 has always weighed far more than she looked. Twice her doctor has had her re-weighed because she couldn't believe the numbers. DD looks like a bean pole. However, she's actually on the heavier edge of "normal" for her height. She's got that runner/dancer muscle and extra long legs and arms. Looks light... isn't really.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

you know OP you are worried about your dd and here after reading the whole thread i am really 'worried' about your own health if you have been living off of what you have written you were eating.

forget ur dd. forget her fat.

focus on healthy eating as a family and hanging out physically as a family.

visit the eating side of this website. there are many suggestions of healthy recipes. dd and i are vegetarians and i can cook up a meal in 15 mins plus 10 minutes prep.

because i am so busy i chop my veggies over the weekend and when i make beans i make a huge amount and then i freeze them.

it helps to have my prep all done. then i have choices of what to throw together to make a meal.

watch out on the fat for all of you guys. it can get v. addicting. nuts and cheeze are great, but be careful you dont overdoze on them.

take a look at myplates and get a good balanced meal. i really would focus on yourself to get back on healthy eating. i think at this point your health is more important than your dd's - esp. if you have heart issues in your family.

limit fruit juice and fruit - even fresh fruit. meaning keep an eye on it that you dont eat a whole pineapple. too much sugar.

i would not drink anything with your meal. either drink a half hour before food or after. i would keep away from even baking soda too. its getting your body used to 'help' that you dont really want now do you. ten years down the line you still dont want to be drinking water with BS do you.

OP let me say this society does not support healthy eating at all. it is VERY VERY difficult eating healthy food. i am surprised you have been able to work out a great program with your dd. most teens have a hard time letting go of junk.

i struggle with this all the time. it is VERY hard for me to give up junk. i would say 60% of our diet is junk. most cereals i would call junk. even the best ones. the rest of the food others call junk i dont even call food. things like ramen, soda. soda especially. if you have time i would advice you to take a nutrition class in your community college. you will be blown away by discovering how much junk you really eat.

it is this junk that is spreading all over the world and making people obese. obesity is not just limited to the US any more. it is spreading all over the world. interesting it is esp. spreading in countries which have macdonalds.

i sympthise with you OP. Wonder Bread from the what was it 20s or 30s started the processed food generation and can you imagine in a 100 years we have forgotten how to eat. what is good nutrition and how to cook. we eat only 10% of variety that our grandparents ate.

it is tough, tough TOUGH. junk surrounds you everywhere but you have to be proactive and win.

my dd at 10 finally understands good nutrition and can stand up to the kids who tease her about teh food she brings to school.

i am trying to clean up my own diet and take out the junk out of my diet. it is all so addicting. i've been trying since last month and i havent been able to have one clean day. my dd supports me a lot in this endeavour. but the moment i step out of the house - i fail.


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## Banana731 (Aug 4, 2006)

Small steps can lead to big changes. Good for you, Amber. There are times in most of our lives when for one reason or another, our eating habits are not where we'd like them to be. Trying to do a little better all the time is a good place be


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Meet the person where they are now. Start from where you are now, and make those baby steps. OP, if you come across great sale on pineapples please don't hesitate to take 2 or 3 home. If it's replacing Cheez Its or Chef Boy R Dee or Kool Aide, feel free to eat a whole one in one go.

I guess I'm tripping over the pineapple example because we don't get a lot of pineapples and just a week ago I found pineapples for $1 each. So I got one and the 4 of us devoured it in one shot. Gosh it was good. Very satisfying and guilt-free from a mom perspective.







Squarely in the 'doing it right' parenting column. Our thing is ice cream, so for that day our bodies got a big shot of vitamin C and fiber along with the sugar we would have been having anyway. And no fat.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Meemee, I'm not sure what's wrong with putting baking soda in your water? I mean, to me that sounds fairly unappetizing, but if the OP likes it and is drinking it instead of soda or punch or whatever, that's a big, big win. She should continue it for the rest of her life, if that's what it takes for her to choose water over sugary drinks.

And I'm not sure what's wrong with drinking water with your meal. In terms of replacing existing unhealthy habits with new, healthy habits, drinking water with your meal is, again, a big win, if it means you're choosing water over soda, etc, regardless of whether you drink before, during or after a meal.


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## OrmEmbar (Oct 25, 2012)

I would like to add 2 more things to the idea list:

1) Breakfast in your most important meal of the day. (even if you don't feel hungry - FYI - caffeine suppresses feelings of hunger, so make sure you get a bit of food in before that morning cup) Have it include protein, carbs and good fats. This makes a world of difference for those of us who find we crave sweets or caffeine or a nap around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Breakfast that includes all 3 (protein, carb, fat) could look like this:

- whole grain toast with nut butter (at least 2 pieces for growing girls!)

- eggs & toast (add meat, nut butters, veggies to make it even better)

- baked oatmeal http://kellythekitchenkop.com/2009/03/healthy-breakfast-recipe-from-sue-baked-soaked-oatmeal.html

- hot cereal WITH whole milk yogurt, nuts, dried or fresh fruit, butter or coconut oil, whole milk etc.

- french toast (1 egg for every 2 pieces of bread and a spash of milk, butter or coconut oil, maple syrup)

- sourdough pancakes with eggs or meat (these cook super-fast)

- baked ham and eggs (put slice of ham in muffin tin, crack and egg on top of ham, bake at 350 for 15 minutes) can add cheese and veggies

2) Aversion to drinking water and feeling yucky after drinking water and no tolerance of cold water is often a sign that one has low stomach acid. People with low stomach acid cannot digest food well and often find themselves taking baking soda or eating TUMS like it's candy and avoiding drinking with meals. Acidifying your water with 1 Tablespoon lemon, lime or apple cider vinegar and see how that feels. Here is a page that talks about low stomach acid. I am not promoting this website, just using the page so I don't have to type so much! http://balancedbites.com/2012/01/why-you-want-more-stomach-acid-not-less.html

I love that you are now having a bit more time with your kiddos . . . being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs I can think of. May you have all the support that you need to enjoy your lovely children. They grow so fast!!


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *journeymom*
> 
> I guess I'm tripping over the pineapple example because we don't get a lot of pineapples and just a week ago I found pineapples for $1 each.


If someone is diabetic, sure, they are going to avoid fruit. Otherwise, fruit is a great snack. My family could and do easily polish off a good pineapple in a day! Our favorite Disneyland snack is their pineapple spears.... better than an ice cream bar in taste and nutrition.

We're vegetarians with kids who aren't that crazy about vegetables. At 12 and 15, they eat any veggie put in front of them but when they were younger, we relied heavily on fruits. Fruits offer a lot of the same nutrients as vegetables in a package that kids will readily accept. It satisfies the sweet tooth without refined sugars. It's filling without being high calorie. Mine eat at least 2 whole fruits a day and I have no issue with it at all. It's not the same as drinking gallons of juice. Fresh fruit is fantastic!

I'll be honest, I find the idea of a life never eating cheez-its totally depressing. My kids eat some sort of cracker/pretzel/popcorn/granola daily. It's all about moderation. These things are a treat and you just have to be careful not to over-treat yourself. As Americans, obesity is a problem but it's not just food... it's activity. Increased activity will do more for kids than restricting their diets.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *journeymom*
> 
> Meemee, I'm not sure what's wrong with putting baking soda in your water? I mean, to me that sounds fairly unappetizing, but if the OP likes it and is drinking it instead of soda or punch or whatever, that's a big, big win. She should continue it for the rest of her life, if that's what it takes for her to choose water over sugary drinks.
> 
> And I'm not sure what's wrong with drinking water with your meal. In terms of replacing existing unhealthy habits with new, healthy habits, drinking water with your meal is, again, a big win, if it means you're choosing water over soda, etc, regardless of whether you drink before, during or after a meal.


baking soda in water is 'medicine'. its actually a cultural remedy in many countries to take away bloating. why treat the symptom? why not experiment with taking the symptom away and get to teh root. why the bloating? does OP have some health issues that she is not aware of? or is she sensitive to some foods and her diet is causing this bloating?

as OrmEmbar pointed out its about stomach acids. some people have stomach acid issues. so you dont want to drink water and futhur dilute the stomach acids. so usually i never drink anything with my meals (its actually discouraged in many cultures) but i do drink my 8 glasses as they keep my longing for junk and snacking down. if i drink my regular water i am not that hungry.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> i do drink my 8 glasses as they keep my longing for junk and snacking down. if i drink my regular water i am not that hungry.


Great point. This is really helpful with portion control. That's interesting about acid/pH in the stomach.

Quote:


> These things are a treat and you just have to be careful not to over-treat yourself.


Yes! And know the difference between treats and snacks. But yes, this would be a sad world without Cheez Its. I love them!


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

OrmEmbar - I do suspect that I have low stomach acid. Several years ago my doctor prescribed me Nexium for acid reflux, however, I learned that acid reflux medications can actually weaken your stomach's ability to produce acid. You do need SOME acid in order to properly digest your food.

I began to suspect that my stomach acid was being weaken so much that it was affecting my digestion so I stopped taking it. It's been years since I stopped taking Nexium, but I think the damage has been done to my stomach, what with the bloating, indigestion and occasional constipation I suffer from.

That's a good idea about the apple cider vinegar, I used to drink it on a regular basis and got out of the habit, just another thing I have to pick back up again.

I agree that I need to get to the root cause of why I'm so bloated, but maybe it is just a case of low stomach acid.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

be very careful about ACV - any vinegar actually. it can go the other way. just coz you have low stomach acid does not mean you will constantly have it.

i have been able to control my acid issues with food. here is a link to help you figure out if you want to http://www.angelfire.com/az/sthurston/acid_alkaline_foods_list.html

it is very fascinating to me how my body talks. there are times when meat, oranges and lemons would be revolting to me (i love love love tangerines and have been known to eat a whole 5 pound bag in one day). and if i went against my wishes and ate them i would have such trouble for the next few hours. mind you though they help with stomach acid.

here is what low stomach acid is. hypochlorhydria. here's the link to the extract below. http://drmanlove.com/diet-and-nutrition-articles/low-stomach-acid.html there is tonnes more info about other stuff on this page.

Because hypochlorhydria (low stomach acid) is so common and yet leads to terrible degenerative diseases such as cancer, congestive heart failure, osteoporosis and even Alzheimer's, patients as well as doctors need to become aware of its causes and symptoms and how to respond to them. I believe by working together in community we can apply healing helpful principles to ourselves, to others and the land. Your journal encourages us to do just that.

When my doctor told me to take antacids 21 years ago, he diagnosed hypoglycemia and hypothyroidism. Since writing the aforementioned letter, I've learned that these are caused by hypochlorhydria; let me explain why. We need a healthy level of hydrochloric acid (HCI) to stimulate digestive action in the small intestine, to break down fiber, to provide enzyme activity for nutrient absorption, and to assimilate minerals. Herein lies the electrical and manufacturing potential of our entire body. Non-absorbable, cooked or heated minerals become absorbable liquid crystalloid electrolytes, and organic minerals from raw foods are made more available and their electrical quality is maintained via healthy gastric activity. The body needs most of its minerals to be 'ionic' (electrically charged) and in solution. With low stomach acid there are fewer and fewer electrolytes in the body, and even these can lose their ionic quality and go out of solution-to form troublesome deposits. Liquid crystalloid electrolytes give us the correct alkali and acid balance (pH) needed before almost any chemical activity can occur. When the pH of the stomach is chronically 'off' (from low gastric activity -- hypochlorhydria), the pH won't be correct anywhere else in the body.

Not one enzyme, can be produced without the assistance of liquid. crystalloid electrolytes. All hormones, vitamins, proteins, amino acids, carbohydrates, fats, sugars, oils, etc. require electrolytes and enzymes to be properly metabolized. Even a slight deficiency of electrolyte minerals has a progressive effect (in hypochlorhydria) on our assimilation of all nutrients and every bodily process suffers. [1, 2]

i am not trying to freak you out here. just information.


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## amber3902 (Dec 2, 2011)

Thanks for those links.

No, you didn't freak me out. I think the key is finding a balance, like most things in life.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

yup you are right. balance is the key.

however balance before 40 and after 40 are two different things. esp. with food. you can get away a lot before 40 but after 40 plus menopause - woah very unforgiving.

the sad part that i am discovering around friends whose parents have heart disease and who are getting their first heart attacks around 35/40 changing their diet in their 20s is still too late enough to avoid heart attacks but not late enough to avoid open heart surgery.

which freaks me out as a mom since it is becoming more and more apparent that under 20 or so are the building years when you need to have a good diet. after that you can cheat a bit. its interesting to see the difference in my friends groups. immigrants from asia who grew up on a good diet and then ate terrible stuff - seemed to do better than my non immigrant friends who ate horrible stuff (which was the norm then) and then cleaned up their diet in their late 20s or early 30s. mind you though this is just a small group of people in my universe - but the results scare me.

though its not all about nutrition either. there is so much more that we dont even talk about. stress and stress control for instance. friends and community.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> I agree. My DD 15 has always weighed far more than she looked. Twice her doctor has had her re-weighed because she couldn't believe the numbers. DD looks like a bean pole. However, she's actually on the heavier edge of "normal" for her height. She's got that runner/dancer muscle and extra long legs and arms. Looks light... isn't really.


For our athletic kids, it's important to remember that heavy doesn't mean fat. As we all know, muscle weighs more than fat does, so a muscular kid can be heavy, but should not be trying to lose weight.


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