# A Mother's Rage...please help



## PiscesMama24 (Jul 2, 2007)

I feel like SUCH a bad mama! Last night was by far the worst night I've had with DD(10 mos.) She co-sleeps with me and DH is on the couch. Well, last night for some reason she was up LITERALLY every 1/2 hour, fussing a little and not wanting to sleep. Usually she wakes up 3-4 times a night and I can nurse/rock her back to sleep, but last night was another story. By about 2:30, I was SO exhausted, and SO frustrated...I snapped.







I wasn't rough with her, but I did yell "G** Dammit just GO TO SLEEP!" at one point. (Which of course did the exact opposite). She started crying and I got even more frustrated and went and put her in her crib. (She has NEVER slept in her crib before so this of course was very upsetting for her). But I really needed a breather.

I felt so much resentment for DH who has NEVER helped with nighttime parenting. (He can't nurse her so there's not much he can do to comfort her back to sleep). I stomped out to the living room and basically blamed him for not helping me and allowing me to get to the point where I felt I had no other option but to let her CIO. (Note: I am VERY against this so I'm not sure why it seemed okay last night...maybe I was delusional).

I couldn't take her crying in her crib even though it had probably been less than a minute. So I got her out, went back to the living room and plopped her down next to DH so she could cry next to him







I know this sounds horrible, but I wanted him to experience what I had to deal with EVERY night!

I went back to the bedroom, but after probably a minute again, couldn't take DD's crying, so I went back out to the living room where she was pushing DH away, picked her up and proceeded to go back to bed and spend the next 2 1/2 HOURS trying to calm her down and get her to sleep.

Mamas...WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Why was I feeling so much rage last night. I'm usually so calm and nurturing at night...and now I feel absolutely HORRIBLE. Did I do irreversible damage to DD?

Has anyone else ever been through this? How do you overcome it? DH is furious with me and basically told me that if I wanted help...all I had to do was ask...DUH! Ugh...I'm so regretful of the whole incident.

Please help


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## Bunnybee (Jan 16, 2007)

Oh mama! It sounds like sleep deprivation! I have been feeling very frustrated/angry lately and think that is the reason. My DH doesn't help at night either b/c he "needs his sleep since he has to work"! He did offer once to sleep with DS, but like your DH, mine would just let him cry, so that's no good. I'm just praying DS starts sleeping better soon! Sorry, no real advice, I hope it gets better for you.


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## honolula (Apr 11, 2005)

You were tired. Your brain is stressed when you're tired, and reacts from a more primitive place. Did you damage her? You probably confused the living daylights out of her, moreso because her needs are usually met without any resistance. She'll be fine, you'll be fine.

I woke myself shouting at my daughter a few weeks ago. She was digging her feet in my back for the umpteenth time and I wasn't even awake when I hit the breaking point. I think I was almost as confused than she was!


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## earthgirl (Feb 6, 2006)

I think you are being too hard on yourself. If I had to guess, I'd say sleep deprivation is the culprit to why you snapped last night. Well, that, and the lack of help from DH. I have also said less than kind thing to DD in the middle of the night. I always feel horrible about it, too. But, I need sleep and I need support. It sounds like you do, too. I doubt that you did irreparable harm to your DD, but it does sound like something needs to change so that these kind of nights don't keep happening. How much is DH involved in the bedtime routine? Obviously, he can't nurse DD, but he can bathe her and read to her, right? This may help you a bit so that you don't feel completely responsible for all of the nighttime routine. My DH has also been sleeping in another room and there were many nights where I was beyond pissed that I'd been left to take care of it all. We recently had a conversation about this and now he knows to come in and see if I need help when he hears DD crying in the middle of the night. Most of the time, I don't need help, but just knowing that he is taking the initiative is helpful enough sometimes. And of course, there are nights when I do have him lie down w/ DD for a while. Of course she would prefer me, but sometimes I just need a break. Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I just want you to know I've been there, I'm sure I'll be there again. But working at a "plan" w/ DH has helped. Maybe you could do the same?


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

I agree - sleep depravation is a horrible thing. It has caused me to become someone I'm totally not a few times already... Including the blaming DH for not helping when there's not much he can really do and he does try to do what he can.

I'm sure your LO will not be tramatized by the whole incident. You'll both be okay.

Do you have any idea what was wrong with her?

I hope you both (and we all!) get some sleep soon. When I got really bad over the weekend, DH took DD for a drive for an hour and a half so I could sleep a bit. I only actually slept for about 20 minutes, but the hour of peaceful resting was heaven anyway.


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## puddle (Aug 30, 2007)

Can your DH watch your DD in the evening for a couple of hours so that you can get a good nap? It will probably do wonders for you. Forget about the house and take care of yourself. You're not a bad mama and you're not a bad wife. You're human. Everyone has a breaking point, and I think nearly everyone snaps sometimes.









Get some rest and take care of yourself.


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## CheapPearls (Aug 7, 2007)

I've been at the point at least once with each of my boys. Lack of sleep doesn't bring out the best in people and I don't think your DD is scarred for life because of it.


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## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

I did this twice with my son. Once when he was about 5 months old and once a few weeks ago







I agree that its hard and scary but I think its perfectly normal. I just make a point to apologize to him and love on him. Its okay for our children to see we're human. Sleep deprivation can really do a number on you.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

I lie the nap idea. Can your dh help rock or walk your baby in the night when she doesn't want to nurse?

I hope things are better tonight.


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## Datura (Mar 18, 2005)

I think we've all been there. My DH is an amazing dad, wonderful in the daytime, couldn't ask for more. But, if he's been asleep for even 5 minutes, he's surly and useless, end of story. It took me years to figure out that even the worst emergency is better handled by just me if at all possible if its at night. So I hear ya on not getting any help during the dark hours.

I can remember one night when Bear was about 10 months old. He'd missed his naps that day and just would *not* go to sleep. DH was on night shift so he wasn't even in the area. I nursed him, rocked him, drove him in the car...everything! I was going absolutely nutty trying to get that kid down and I admit it, I shouted and stomped around and even cried because every fiber of my being hurt from sheer exhaustion. Which, in hindsight was probably how he felt, too. Eventually I gave up, took him to our insanely babyproofed lounge, put on cartoons and collapsed on the couch. This was at about 8 or 9 am the next morning, I can't remember. I woke up at about 10 and he was passed out, spread eagle, on the carpet.







Sometimes there is absolutely NOTHING that you can *do*, which drives mommies nuts, they just are going to cry. Being a mommy does't mean you have to be a martyr.

And I'll admit to using the TV trick on more than one occasion, though I usually just slip into a semi-asleep state so I can keep an eye on the beastie. There's something about getting them to sit still and think about something else for a few minutes that seems to work.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

I like the nap idea. Can your dh help rock or walk your baby in the night when she doesn't want to nurse?

I hope things are better tonight.


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## bluebirdmama (Sep 14, 2005)

Hugs Mama!!

I've been there - when ds was about the same age and it lasted a few months. I really thought I was going crazy. I couldn't understand where the extreme anger was coming from. It was so hard to swing from the uncharacteristic rage to the wracking guilt all the time. I ended up going to counseling because I couldn't stand myself and they decided that I was suffering from PPD which was accentuated by sleep deprivation. It was such a relief when they decided that the best way to deal with it was to really focus on the sleep, rather than on medication! And when I brought my son in they said they felt that we had a very solid relationship - how wonderful to know I hadn't traumatized him. (All this to say that I agree with pp).

I've never been able to talk about this with anyone IRL because I've been so ashamed...and for that reason, I suspect that more moms than you think struggle with this. When you haven't had a decent sleep in months, all of your emotions are right on the surface, there's no filter, and it's easy to say or do things that would normally get vetoed by good judgment.

It will get better - I promise you. When you are in the middle of it, it feels like it will never end, I know. But it does. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You are doing your best.


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## MKury (May 14, 2007)

Lack of sleep does bad things to all of us, Mama... you're certainly not alone. I never curse, and about a week ago, the f word came flying out. I haven't said that word since college- and that has been a while. I was soooo tired and soooo frustrated at dd's constant waking, screaming, latching on, popping off, crying, crawling around on the bed- all while I am trying to be quiet and not wake dh. And it has been this way for the last 3 months, unfortunately. I was finally starting to doubt my sanity, began taking an extra dose of iron a day, and some fish oil. And FINALLY, two days ago, dd cut her first tooth!!!! Praise the Lord!!! Last night was the first night in 3 months that she woke only twice. I tell you, I feel like a totally new person today. I am hoping for a repeat tonight...

I hope you are able to get some sleep, soon. It sounds like you need it...


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## Cativari (Mar 26, 2007)

I could write this post TOO!! Except it's my 22 month old that isn't sleeping well. And she's cranky all day because of it now.


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## STJinNoVa (Dec 25, 2007)

Hi, sleep deprived mama - you have not damaged your sweet babe, and you are not a bad mama. bad words and a lack of sympathy for a restless infant happwns to the best of mamas in the middle of the night. ok? ok.

I think the solution is that DH needs to get up in the night to help. To what extent is up to you as a couple, but there is no reason to exempt him from getting up to help. Take her to him before you hit a breaking point. Let them work it out for an hour or two while you sleep. He can't nurse her, but he can take her the second you're done nursing her and rock her, walk her around, wear her, put her in the carseat and go for a drive, sing to her, and soothe her in his own way. He's got to have his own bag of tricks. She may respond badly at first if she's used to you only, but they'll get it. Crying a little in dad's loving arms will not hurt her, and you will be better prepared to nurture her if you can get a break.

No partnered mama should be in charge of baby all night every night - there is no reason for it.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Just another mama who has BTDT. Dh helps out some during the night now, but in the three months after ds2 was born he helped out a lot more. We were so tired and out of it that we had to establish a policy of "what happens in the middle of the night, stays in the middle of the night" because we snapped at each other so often. Seriously, at least three or four mornings a week, we would have to kiss and promise each other that all was forgiven. We were also trying to sell a house, trying to finish a remodel, and totally strapped for cash, so there were some contributing factors to our stress levels for sure.

I'm very opposed to CIO, too, but I think it's best to ward off snapping at your child. If that means you sneak them into the crib for a few hours after they initially fall asleep, I think that's great.

I've found it's best in my parenting to have a line in the sand, for example, I'm not going to CIO, not going to spank, etc. And then to try and be as flexible as possible on the other side of that. That's helped a lot with my rage issues.


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## Septagram (Feb 8, 2008)

Yeah, I've been there too. It's hard, but you just have to move past it and vow to do better next time.







Don't feel alone by a long shot. You're not!


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## Blu Razzberri (Sep 27, 2006)

My son was a good sleeper; but the end of my pregnancy made it impossible for me to rest; so by the time he was born; I was exhausted. I think he was about a month and a half old when I snapped at him because he pee'd all over himself when I was changing his diaper in the middle of the night and now I had to bathe him and I was exhausted. The thing is; you can sleep 12 hours a night; but if it's all broken up in two and three hour blocks; you don't really get rested. So it's hard to tell when we're starting to get to that point sometimes; until it just hits us.

Talk to your husband. Mention that he said that if you need help; all you have to do is ask....and that WAS you asking. Explain that you don't really realize you're getting to that point and ask for help to find solutions to stop it from happening again; but ask that if it does; that he understands that you've just reached a breaking point.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *STJinNoVa* 
I think the solution is that DH needs to get up in the night to help. To what extent is up to you as a couple, but there is no reason to exempt him from getting up to help. Take her to him before you hit a breaking point. Let them work it out for an hour or two while you sleep. He can't nurse her, but he can take her the second you're done nursing her and rock her, walk her around, wear her, put her in the carseat and go for a drive, sing to her, and soothe her in his own way. He's got to have his own bag of tricks. She may respond badly at first if she's used to you only, but they'll get it. Crying a little in dad's loving arms will not hurt her, and you will be better prepared to nurture her if you can get a break.

No partnered mama should be in charge of baby all night every night - there is no reason for it.

I absolutely agree with this. My dh of course doesn't nurse but since dd was born 2.5 years ago he has always been involved with the nightime piece, in the early days it was me nursing but him changing dipes. Around the 18 mos mark when I thought I was going to die from sleep deprivation, he took her out of our bed so that I could at least sleep in more solid blocks, I would still be up nursing 2-4 times a night but the fact that he would rock her back to sleep meant I could nurse then fall back asleep.

If you are not comfy with this then see if you can get an early evening nap and he watches babe.

Shay


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## beru (Nov 19, 2007)

Yes, this has happened to me! The couple times it has happened, I did a silent scream and "yelled" profanities voicelessly. I was just screaming in my head, *$%#ing &%64# #[email protected]! Go to sleep!

Anyway, I realized that most nights I can handle all the nighttime parenting. I enjoy being with my daughter and nursing her, especially when she is being predictable. I sleep with my daughter and my husband sleeps with our son in another room. I realized that every few nights, I will have to switch with him-just so I don't get to this close-to-breaking point again. My plan is, assuming she is not sick, that he will bring her to me every 2.5-3 hours to nurse and no sooner than 2 hours. (When she is having a typical restful night, she nurses with longer intervals than this.) Otherwise, he has to soothe her. As Dr Sears says, I will "honor my husband" with his "share" of the nighttime parenting. My husband is very helpful, I just haven't asked him for help at night because I know he can't nurse her. But after having a couple of these incidents, I have to find a way for him to share with me.


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## aprildawn (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PiscesMama24* 
Has anyone else ever been through this? How do you overcome it? DH is furious with me and basically told me that if I wanted help...all I had to do was ask...DUH! Ugh...I'm so regretful of the whole incident.

Please help









Yes. It's happened to me. And my DH was sleeping in bed with us!! Aside from your DH being on the couch, that exact scene has played out in our house before. I am always so ashamed after I explode. Sleep deprivation can mess with you.

Just a couple nights ago I was recovering from a very bad cold, 3 days of fever and little sleep, and was completely exhausted. DD2 wouldn't go to sleep. She's almost 3. I just wanted her to go to sleep so I could be "done" and get some rest myself. I blew up at her, and I'm still ashamed that I did. I apologized and snuggled her and prayed that my behavior wouldn't have any permanent damage on our relationship or her little soul.


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## PiscesMama24 (Jul 2, 2007)

Mamas...Thank you all so much! You don't know what it means to hear all of your similar stories and supportive words... it feels really good to know that I'm not alone in this...I totally started crying reading what you each had to say. Kind of a release maybe...now I just need to forgive myself and let go.


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## jenniepaige (Apr 17, 2007)

First off, you didn't do irreversible damage. I'm sure you didn't do any damage at all! Take it easy on yourself. You were tired, and sleep deprived. This isn't normal behavior for you so I would try to forgive yourself and try again tonight. Hang in there, your doing a great job but it does get tough night after night.


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

oh mama I have BTDT!!! I think this has happened to me twice and DS is only 5 months. I work full time so getting up every hour is wearing me down. Then when he is teething really bad and screaming all night long I literally want to punch a hole in the wall. The rage inside is bad. I could have written your post. I too will try to give DS to DH but the crying is too much and I always go get him in a minute or two.

Don't beat yourself up. We have all been there at some point and lack of sleep is the cause.

I wish I could offer some advice but I don't have much to give. I hope your LO sleeping is better tonight.


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## AkRotts (Sep 2, 2007)

We recently had a couple of nights like the one you are describing. Cailyn had an ear infection and was crying literally all night long. She refused to nurse and would push me away, I was at my wits end. She co-sleeps with us and thankfully hubby was home ( he worls at night so isnt usually home) because he is the one she wanted (first time this has ever happened). She would push me away and crawl over to her daddy. He laid her on his chest and patted her back while she cried. She finally stopped crying and fell asleep and slept on her daddy's chest for several hours.









Your hubby needs to help out, even if it is just holding your baby, while she cries so you can get a break. It is not fair to you, to have to shoulder the burden 24/7. You NEED a break once in a while.

Don't feel bad for having an off night, every single one of us has them. You didnt damage your daughter at all. just move past it and try to get hubby to help you.


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## HappiLeigh (Mar 30, 2005)

Hugs.

That's sleep deprivation, not you! It's okay for your DH to take turns. If DD doesn't need milk for food, it really is okay for him to comfort her (even if she would prefer the parent with the boobs). You have a full-time job too, and you deserve your sleep as much as DH. Baby unhappy with the less-preferred parent is NOT the same as CIO. Hope you get some rest!


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## TattooedMama (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *STJinNoVa* 
I think the solution is that DH needs to get up in the night to help. To what extent is up to you as a couple, but there is no reason to exempt him from getting up to help. *Take her to him before you hit a breaking point.* snip>>Let them work it out for an hour or two while you sleep. No partnered mama should be in charge of baby all night every night - there is no reason for it.

*(bolding mine)*

My DP does not wake up quickly or easily. But if I ever wake him up in the middle of the night with one of the children he knows to move quickly and step in---- that I am really really DONE. I know my breaking point and I know that I need to involve him before the rage gets to me.
OP, get earplugs and get some sleep... your LO and DP will be fine left for an hour.


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## moon.mom (Feb 27, 2007)

A Big HUG to you Momma-

You are human. You are NOT alone.
We are all in this together!

Take care of yourself...You are important, too.


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## EdieMama (Feb 22, 2008)

It's nice to hear all of this! I think I'm about to "hit the breaking point". I did make my DH wear my Edie for about an hour tonight to let me just have time for myself...


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Oh my goodness- we've all been there. My DH and I went for marriage counseling after having our first solely because sleep deprivation and nighttime parenting brought out our worst. I am so impressed with you that you haven't reached the limit before this! I remember almost slamming DD on the bed physically one night. I never did but it was one of my worst moments. You have to cut yourself some slack at night- irrationality is par for the course. You'll be ok


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## surprisesarefun (Jan 19, 2005)

Sleep deprivation does crazy things to us.

Try to nap with your lo today.

My dh doesn't get it either, and he co-sleeps with us. He manages to tune us out really well though.


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## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

Yeh I think every kid has that one night where they go to sleep for an hour or two and then decide to be up all effing night..... finally after hours of trying I just gave up, blocked off the living room and slept on the couch while dd played for 2 hours from 5-7am because I couldn't stay awake anymore and DH had already gone to work.....


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## pacificbliss (Jun 17, 2006)

We've all been there. I yelled at DS when he was 8 months old, "Just shut up and go to sleep". I still feel bad. We got DH involved in the bedtime routine and I get a break that way. Now it's so cute, before bed I will nurse DS on both sides. He pops off sleepy and reaches for DH who picks him up to take him upstairs and put him down to sleep. Sometimes DS puts his head on DH's shoulder and is out before they hit the top of the stairs. Other times on the way up DS gently pats DH on the back, like, go to sleep Daddy. It melts my heart every time.

You're not a bad mom, just human like the rest of us.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

There is a reason sleep deprivation is used a method of torture. It sucks. I swear you just described my household a few months ago. My DH was sleeping on the couch and little one and I was in bed...she would wake constantly. I finally scooped her up, both of us crying our eyes out, and I put her in her crib and then I went out to the couch, took a pillow and slugged my hubby awake and said, "HELLO! Can you PLEEEASE help me!" He looked very confused and then said he never heard a thing. I forgot he sleeps like a hibernating bear and doesn't hear her cry. Thank god I am light sleeper. I guess the point is please ask for help. It takes to two to make a baby and it takes two to put one to sleep at night sometimes (or most of the time in my house!) Hang in there and don't worry about damaging your child...we all goof up and no big deal.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Absolutely I've felt this way, and come very close to losing my mind in the middle of the night as well.

This is so, so true of me:

Quote:

My DP does not wake up quickly or easily. But if I ever wake him up in the middle of the night with one of the children he knows to move quickly and step in---- that I am really really DONE. I know my breaking point and I know that I need to involve him before the rage gets to me.
My dp sleeps downstairs in his own room, so he knows if I ever show up at the door with the baby, he needs to be instantly awake and step in - even for five minutes.


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## ricemom3 (Jan 29, 2008)

I also, so understand this. I think we have all been there. As much as we love our kiddos, when we are tired, we just act crazy. I also understand "blaming" DH, I have also done that. I think that they are the easy target. I do not think that our LOs will be damaged by that. They just momentarily think that mom has lost her marbles...trust me the teenages think that constantly. haha

Big hugs to all the sleep deprived mamas out there. With a small nap and a large cup of coffee we can make it!


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## sunnymw (Feb 28, 2007)

Wow, I could have written THAT post!!

I'm pregnant, hormonal, been sick, and have horrible sinus/throat problems. One night a week ago, I was trying to get DS to sleep and he just kept pushing his head away from my chest, and when I'd try to lay it back down he'd scratch me in the face! I'd never been so mad, so I just started punching the mattress with my free hand as hard as I possibly could, screaming silent obscenities and crying... then I finally laid him on the floor (still crying), went to the bathroom to pee and wash my face, and came back to try again.

On the WORST night of my life ever (DH works nights, so no help) when I thought I really WAS going to lose it on him... I put him on my back in a carrier and played loud music into headphones... and bounced... and bounced... and waited.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

i don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet, but your babe likely has fluid in the ears...the fluid causes pain when laying down and this is what causes the wakefulness.

the same thing happened to me the first time my DS had fluid, he was up every 1/2 hours screaming and i finally freaked with "i can't take this anymore!!" little did i know what was wrong.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Any way the 3 of you can sleep together? Can you expand your bed? (we had the mattress on the floor with DH sleeping on a yoga mat next to us until we got our king bed).

When DS was a newborn DH didn't sleep with us and I HATED it. It made me feel so lonely and desperate. I wonder if that would help you.


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## Keirasmommy (Jan 17, 2008)

A big thank you to all you ladies who shared your stories. I was just about to post on this topic myself as I just screamed at my poor DD who is 17 mo. today. I feel like such a bad mommy, but she's cutting her top two molars and has been up every hour for the past 5 nights and I am dead tired. Usually when this happens I nap with her, but lately she hasn't been hardly napping either so I'm not. I just hate it when I get like this and hate the person I turn into. She doesn't deserve it. My DH has been out of town and gets back late tonight - already sent him an email asking for a break tomorrow night. I just need to recharge so I can be the patient loving mommy that I want to be for her. I'm just glad I'm not alone - thanks brave ladies for sharing what mommas don't like to admit to.


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## newmama8824 (Jul 8, 2007)

Sounds like sleep deprivation to me.

Boy, I have been there. Before the babe I use to sleep A LOT. I loved my sleep, and I guess I just never realized just how demanding parenting would be at night. So there have been a few times where I feel like I have not been so much like myself, or I have said things that I don't mean. I wish we could all wake up happy as a peach every night, but that just doesn't happen. I live alone, so I don't have much of a choice but I agree with pp's and you really need to get your DH involved.

Mamas need sleep, too.


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## PPK (Feb 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nursemummy* 









Absolutely I've felt this way, and come very close to losing my mind in the middle of the night as well.

This is so, so true of me:

My dp sleeps downstairs in his own room, so he knows if I ever show up at the door with the baby, he needs to be instantly awake and step in - even for five minutes.


Exactly the same w/my dh and I.

***I suggest using earplugs after passing him off to DH, it really helps to get back to sleep!****

Its happened to me about 4 or 5 times really bad, but got really good w/handling the nighttime wakings about two months ago (ds is 6months). The worst was that the first time it happened he was only a week old









I talked to a therapist because not only was I verbally aggressive, I felt I could potentially be physically abusive as well. He put it well. When you're sleep deprived your brain works itself backwards from your frontal portion (rational, etc) to the base (fight or flight, basic animalistic survival...this includes rage)..."deevolving" so to speak. It helps me to recompose myself faster if I remember that when I'm in the grips of a meltdown and that I can handle it.

Hope you're feeling better, you're definatley not alone!


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## kikidee (Apr 15, 2007)

Just wanted to add my voice to the others on here. It's sleep deprivation!! I have found that the times I have gotten frustrated or had a shorter fuse than normal, it's because I am TIRED. Nighttime parenting is very rewarding, but it can also be so exhausting.

As others said, get your DH to help, or get some sleep when you can, so you can catch up.

Lots of hugs to you.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PiscesMama24* 
I feel like SUCH a bad mama! Last night was by far the worst night I've had with DD(10 mos.) She co-sleeps with me and DH is on the couch. Well, last night for some reason she was up LITERALLY every 1/2 hour, fussing a little and not wanting to sleep. Usually she wakes up 3-4 times a night and I can nurse/rock her back to sleep, but last night was another story. By about 2:30, I was SO exhausted, and SO frustrated...I snapped.







I wasn't rough with her, but I did yell "G** Dammit just GO TO SLEEP!" at one point. (Which of course did the exact opposite). She started crying and I got even more frustrated and went and put her in her crib. (She has NEVER slept in her crib before so this of course was very upsetting for her). But I really needed a breather.

I felt so much resentment for DH who has NEVER helped with nighttime parenting. (He can't nurse her so there's not much he can do to comfort her back to sleep). I stomped out to the living room and basically blamed him for not helping me and allowing me to get to the point where I felt I had no other option but to let her CIO. (Note: I am VERY against this so I'm not sure why it seemed okay last night...maybe I was delusional).

I couldn't take her crying in her crib even though it had probably been less than a minute. So I got her out, went back to the living room and plopped her down next to DH so she could cry next to him







I know this sounds horrible, but I wanted him to experience what I had to deal with EVERY night!

I went back to the bedroom, but after probably a minute again, couldn't take DD's crying, so I went back out to the living room where she was pushing DH away, picked her up and proceeded to go back to bed and spend the next 2 1/2 HOURS trying to calm her down and get her to sleep.

Mamas...WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Why was I feeling so much rage last night. I'm usually so calm and nurturing at night...and now I feel absolutely HORRIBLE. Did I do irreversible damage to DD?

Has anyone else ever been through this? How do you overcome it? DH is furious with me and basically told me that if I wanted help...all I had to do was ask...DUH! Ugh...I'm so regretful of the whole incident.

Please help









Do you go to bed when she does? Are you in a position to nap when she does?


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## PiscesMama24 (Jul 2, 2007)

PP- I usually go to bed about an hour or two after she does. It gives DH and I some alone time. So I'm usually not in bed until at least 11:30-12:00. Last night I decided to go to bed with her and I actually felt much more well-rested and sane during her nighttime wakings. (Although I had to sacrifice time with DH last night).

It seems llike so many mamas out there have had such similar experiences.


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## PiscesMama24 (Jul 2, 2007)

Oops...I posted before I finished typing...

Okay so, would those of you who have had similar experiences be willing to share your stories in a small group setting of AP mamas? I ask because I'm meeting with other like-minded mamas in my area tomorrow for the first mamas support group and I'd like to bring this topic up for discussion. It might be a heavy one to start with so I might wait a few weeks, but I would hope that the mamas in my group would feel safe enough to talk about such a difficult subject.

What do you think? Would you open up about his in a face to face dialogue? Or does being somewhat anonymous make it easier to talk about it?


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## Mamatolea (Jan 17, 2007)

and good sleep vibes. You are just tired!!


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PiscesMama24* 
Oops...I posted before I finished typing...

Okay so, would those of you who have had similar experiences be willing to share your stories in a small group setting of AP mamas? I ask because I'm meeting with other like-minded mamas in my area tomorrow for the first mamas support group and I'd like to bring this topic up for discussion. It might be a heavy one to start with so I might wait a few weeks, but I would hope that the mamas in my group would feel safe enough to talk about such a difficult subject.

What do you think? Would you open up about his in a face to face dialogue? Or does being somewhat anonymous make it easier to talk about it?

I just wanted to say that I've also BTDT in the middle of the night also. And yes, I would bring it up in a small AP group. I'd probably wait a little and get to know the mamas for a couple of weeks, but just feel out the group and see if the first meeting seems right to you. If you feel comfortable with these mamas, I think talking about hard times as a parent is really helpful to do in person.


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