# I'm a Bad Mother because



## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

I won't spank a 6 month old.
I can't "contol" my kids.
I don't "whup" my neice and nephew therefor they do not repect me.
I haven't started to "train" the baby.
I'm still nursing so often so I must be starving her.
I won't let the baby "play" in the walker enough so she will never be able to get around.
My two year old wants to be held too much.
Ds too "petted" to be a boy.

And it goes on and on. So I am a bad mother and my children are uncontrable because of it. Afterall these are tings you "must" do in order to have an "efficiant" house and " good" kids.

Thanks Mom glad to no I do everything wrong.


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## PurplePixiePooh (Aug 5, 2003)

Quote:

I'm still nursing so often so I must be starving her








: Gee, that's a bit of a contradiction huh?

I think that we could make a fun tongue-in-cheek thread out of this. All the ways we are "bad" parents!

I think all the reasons you are so bad make you so good!


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## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

I know what you mean. It's a big mystery to me how humans ever walked before plastic walkers!


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

OPr how about..

Don't punish them because your too lazy to get out of bed at night. (re" cosleeping)

You only breastfeed cause you want to sit on your a$% all day.

Don't spank them and their gonna grow up and hit you.( like those mothers on the talk shows whose kids are out of control)

She just wants her funky momma(like that's a bad thing)


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## Justice2 (Mar 18, 2003)

ohhhh.... I got some too!!!

I am a bad mother cause

I don't put him down enough and he is going to be developmentally delayed (My mom said this to me - her way of trying to get me to CIO)

I love him too much and am by doing so am going to make him gay (my uncle said this ~ again with the CIO)

I am sure I could think of many, many more but these are two of my favorites!

Kaeleb is only 7 months old so we don't have any "control" issues yet.
But I can feel them coming~


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## lilirose (Feb 19, 2003)

sorry, having to remove all posts with personal info due to an online stalker.


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## hkrose (Mar 21, 2003)

I love the, "what do you mean, you never give her a bottle?! Don't you go out?" Like I am horrible because I actually don't mind breastfeeding my daughter and enjoy taking her _with_ me when I go out.







:


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

I'm a bad mother because we don't have a television and we're not getting one and I keep being told "he'll feel left out".

uke

Oh, yeah. I'm also _supposed_ to give him stuff like Hawaian Punch with all its fake colours so he "get used to them" and can eat/drink them when over at other people's homes.







: One person who told me that (yes, there's been more than one) got told in return that just as I will not allow him to travel in an SUV unless _truly_ off road, I will not let him play with kids who are fed poisons. (Not true, but I wanted to see the shocked look on that idiot's face.







)


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

Quote:

Ds too "petted" to be a boy.
Huh?


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## happy_mama35 (Jul 14, 2003)

I'm a bad mama because, among other things, I:

-Breastfeed on cue and let DD comfort suck when needed. (You're not supposed to let her use your nipple like that.")
-Won't let my DD CIO. ("You're making her insecure by always responding to her.")
-Respond to my DD in a caring way all the time, even if in the middle of disagreeing with DH about something. ("Go ahead and be sweet to her. DD, learn at an early age that your mother will turn on you and is a b#$%&.")


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## anjel (Aug 12, 2003)

I am a bad mother because...
i refuse to use a johny jumper or a walker
I refuse to ler her (5 months old) 'just have a little taste'
I wont let her watch t.v. ( we dont even have a t.v.) even though she 'clearly enjoys it'
I wont give her orajel for her teeth, (nursing her through it seems to work just fine)
I take her to a chiropracter 'before she can decide if she even wants chiropractic care'
and ofcourse, shes going to be forever damaged from sleeping with us
and last but certainly not least I am a horrible mother for not vaccinating and for not getting the flu shot while pregnagnant
oh yeah I almost forgot, I am a very selfish mother for not getting an ultrasound while I was pregnant
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! whats it gonna take for people to wise up????


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by The Lucky One_
*Huh?*
You know, he's not "hard" enough. He likes to be loved on(hugs and kisses) and I still hold him. He doesn't act as "rough" as a boy should and it's my fault cause I "pet"(love on him) too much.


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## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

Ooh! Ooh! I'm a bad mother, too!









...because...

...my dd doesn't know anything about the Powerpuff Girls, the Rugrats, or Spiderman (even though other kids have taught her to recognize them).

...my dd isn't allowed to have fun, apparently. Fun is defined as being allowed to eat all sorts of artificially colored food.

...I don't "discipline" her - meaning I don't yell or punish or spank.

...I actually don't give in to tantrums and let her get so upset - funny how this judgment comes from people who believe in CIO and spanking.

...I let my dd do "dangerous" things in the playground - everyone KNOWS girls are so delicate and uncoordinated!!!







:

...my dd ate almost no solid food until she was a year old

I can't think of anything else...hey, maybe I'm not such a bad mother after all!!!


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## mamahammer (Jul 30, 2003)

Can I join? Please, please, please!!

I am a bad mother because
-everyone knows that breastmilk doesn't satisfy a baby's hunger after 4 months or so

-I let my 4 yr old sister "hold" him (on the couch with me there). Don't I know that she's just gonna break him or something?

-I don't let other people take him and comfort him when he's crying. Even if it takes longer for MIL to comfort him, I should just let her do it cause he has to know that I'm not the only woman in the world







:

-I don't have him on a schedule like all other baby's

-When he starts fussing in his sleep, I always go check on him, just to see if he's okay. I mean, come on, how's he gonna grow up and be a big strong man if I don't let him deal with his own problems


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

I'm a bad mother because...

1. We don't do Barbie even though DD would like Barbie.

(My response: If she liked cotton candy for every meal, would I be a bad mom if I gave it to her?)

2. We don't do Disney.

3. We pre-screen packages that are sent to us from people who do not support our parenting practices. This includes all of our mutual relatives and my immediate family.

4. We don't let her drink punch or eat candy except as a rare treat.

5. We don't do kids' television and she has no idea who Dora, Blue, and others are.

6. She taught herself to read at two. This proves we're horrible parents because if she can do that, it's obviously because we duct-taped her to her chair and forced her to do it.

7. We spend too much time with her (see above).

Yup. Just another bad mom here.


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## seedgirl (May 19, 2003)

Ooooh! Fun!

Im a bad mom because I cospelt with our first dd

Im still bad because my twins sleep together in a crib

Im bad because I nursed my first dd "all the time"

I still suck because I formula feed my twins

Im bad because " never put my first dd down as a baby"

Apparantly I still suck because after having twins, I did not grow 2 more sets of arms and use a stroller.

You know what? You all rule! I rule. People dont know to mind their business.

Ok, Im sooo PMSing and in need of some mellow red wine. : )


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

Put me on the bad-mommy list!!!

Lucy will:
"Never get out of our bed till she is 6 or 7!" (I hope to be so lucky...)
"Get sick from no vaccinations." (There's a lot of Polio going 'round these days...)
"Really really like this Disney movie" (The one with the violence and racial slurs, or the one with the sexist references?)
"Not behave if I am not firm with her." (Read: yell at her.)
"Be unhealthy if she eats no meat."







:


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## Oklahoma Mama (Feb 12, 2003)

I too have heard many comments and it is somehow reassuring to know that I am not alone









"You are starving your baby by not feeding solids before 6 months of age"
"You need to listen to me and not your doctor if you want your son to grow correctly."
"If you let him in your bed he will be there for years and you will have lots of trouble getting him out."
"You don't need to stay here with your son. He seems fine. You can leave and he will just cry for a few minutes."
"You want to nurse more than one year!"
"Disposable diapers are so much easier and better. You don't need to change them that much."
"You mean he doesn't get ice cream very much? Not even a little taste?"
"Give him a bottle of milk when he goes to bed."
"You can't let him feed himself. Look at xxxx he doesn't get messy when he eats. Your son gets more food on him than in him. You should spoon feed them for years."
"You need to find a teenager to leave your son with so you can go out and have some time away."
"You limit his sugar?"
"Why doesn't he like me to hold him?"


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## CurlyTop (Jun 18, 2003)

Jeca,

First of all, your mom is wrong and it has never been true that you're a bad mom!







I know you KNOW this, but I thought I'd tell you that I know it too!

Now, please, move aside for the latest bad mom. I'm bad because:

- I don't let my DDs "learn" by struggling or crying in isolation
- I actually ask my DDs opinions on things related to them rather than taking charge of every situation
- DH and I co-sleep on demand
- We buy organic food
- I work (DH is a SAHD but that's not good enough I guess)
- I don't discipline my DDs (meaning spank, yell at or belittle them)

And I'm Good because:
- I finally gave up my ill-conceived attempts at BFing my twins (I was devastated not to be able to get enough milk by one month and ended up supplimenting and finally giving up.)

Now some OTHER people think I'm bad for:
- Formula feeding my babies
- Using a stroller sometimes

Whew, that's a load off! Awesome thread!!!

CurlyTop


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## MelissaEvans (Jan 9, 2003)

We need a theme song or something! =)

~ "You mean he's *never* had a babysitter?" (DS stays with MIL when I go into work 2x a week for 4 hours each, I happen to like being with DS and when I need a break, DH takes over for me.)

~ "You're *still* nursing him?" (he's about 28lbs at 11.5mo... I don't think he's missing anything, and he does get solids if he wants, I just don't force the issue)

~ "You'll never get him out of your bed, that's part of the reason my husband and I got divorced." (my kid, my husband, my bed, back off. whatever, if you're not stable as a couple, anything will set it off.)

~ "When are you going to wean that kid? Six months was enough for me" (My boobs, my kid, back off. I trust DS to be smart enough to stop when he's ready, you saying my kid's stupid?)

~ "He's too big to carry, put that kid down." (he can't walk yet! goodness sake! my back, my kid, back off)

After typing this, I realize my personal theme song would have a chorus something to the effect:

My baby, my boobs, my bed, my back, back off! =)


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

Quote:

You know, he's not "hard" enough. He likes to be loved on(hugs and kisses) and I still hold him. He doesn't act as "rough" as a boy should and it's my fault cause I "pet"(love on him) too much.
Gotcha!!!

My son is 'petted' too. My son is the sweetest most gentle boy I've ever met. I love it!!!

lisa


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## Leatherette (Mar 4, 2003)

Luckily, I am no longer in contact (since my son was 6 months old, and he's 3) with the negative people who told me:

Cloth diapers are disgusting!. They are so unhygenic. I can't believe you are using them when disposables are so much better than they used to be.

You haven't gotten a babysitter yet?

So, what are you going to do when he wants meat?

Put him down for a while!

It's such a waste of time to make baby food. Why don't you make it easier on yourself? You'll be a better mother if you do.

And now I am a bad mother because:

He watches Sesame Street almost every day while I wake up and make coffee. I happen to think Sesame Street is great, and much more educational than I am at 6 am.

He gets candy sometimes.

He said, " I am shitting!" really loud when he farted in the store the other day.

I feed his Hot Wheels obsession.

Sad, but true. Can you believe that my homestudy for adoption is approved?

L.


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Leatherette_
*I happen to think Sesame Street is great, and much more educational than I am at 6 am.*


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## kofduke (Dec 24, 2002)

Out in the "real world," I'm a bad mom b/c:

I only feed my 8-month old one meal a day (your 22-lb. baby must be starving!)

He gets jars of organic fruits and veggies (just give him some hamburger/doughnut/eggs!)

I have his crib in my room (he should be more independent!)

I pump b/m at work (formula tastes better and is healthier)

I only work part-time (got to make $$ for that baby!)

I c/d part time (gross)

I sling (isn't he uncomfortable?)

I've never left him with a teenaged babysitter - just at his licensed child care center or with grandparents (you need time to yourself!)

I won't leave him with his grandparents for a long weekend at 10 months old to go on a trip w/my husband

I won't FF him in a car seat (he wants to see)

Here at MDC, I'm a bad mom because:

I feed my 8 month old 1 meal/day (he only needs b/m until a year!)

He usually gets jars of food (instead of making my own)

I pump b/m and let his child care worker feed it to him

I work part time

I let my baby sleep in a cage

I sometimes use a stroller

I only c/d part time

I leave him at day care or with grandparents occasionally.

Well, that about covers it...seems like everyone probably thinks I'm a bad mom except my little guy, my DH, and all of the grandparents







.

eta a few more badmommy things!


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## seedgirl (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by kofduke_
*
Here at MDC, I'm a bad mom because:

I feed my 8 month old 1 meal/day (he only needs b/m until a year!)

He usually gets jars of food (instead of making my own)

I B]*
*
*
*

......so whats up with this? Whats the deal with a community thats supposed to be so "open" and "caring"? Why have some of us felt put down or judged because of our choices?

Discuss?*


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## kofduke (Dec 24, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by seedgirl_
*......so whats up with this? Whats the deal with a community thats supposed to be so "open" and "caring"? Why have some of us felt put down or judged because of our choices?

Discuss?*
I think that people here are in general very open and caring. It's just that here, as IRL, people have strong opinions about what they think is right in terms of raising kids. I wouldn't expect to come here and find support for letting my DS CIO, or never touching him, etc. - even from the most caring individuals. Just like out there, I feel free to take and use what is right for my family. Further, I while I'm "mainstream" in some ways, I certainly lean more towards the AP model, and it's easy to find support "out there" for mainstream choices (like CIO), it's not so easy for others that are more common here - even if they're not "as AP" as some people here. That's why I keep coming back.

Sorry, didn't mean to stir up trouble







- I meant to be tongue-in-cheek about how some of the things I do could be criticizd by anyone - and yet they are right for my babe!


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Oklahoma Mama_
> *"You can't let him feed himself. Look at xxxx he doesn't get messy when he eats. Your son gets more food on him than in him. You should spoon feed them for years."
> 
> my mother has said this so many times it's annoying.*


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## seedgirl (May 19, 2003)

kofduke, no stiring trouble! : ) I so know what you mean about being able to find support out there for very mainstream things. Its just that, I am also a mix of many parenting styles and I dont really fit with the really conservative sites. Mothering sometimes is a bit too judgemental for me but at other times I love it here. Blaaa.. sometimes i just wish people would think before they write.

have a great day!

seedgirl


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Well mamas this applies to everyone. It's not that we do things a certaain way, it's that we do things OUR way. Whatever way that may be. We step outside the box and have a certain way we like things to be with our family and it seems to just bother people that we won't take stock into what they say and alter our parenting.
That's what makes us bad mothers to the world." well I tried to tell her but she just won't listen, makes things hard on herself" I hear that so often I laugh everytime. Why does it have to be there way or it's the wrong way? Every family must adaopt to their own set of rules.
Anyone Feel me?!


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## seedgirl (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by jeca_
*Why does it have to be there way or it's the wrong way? Every family must adaopt to their own set of rules.
Anyone Feel me?!*
Me! I do!

Know what? I just read my post (and thought about my own situation and my own community) and realized that this space exists for folks who may live amongst strong conservative parenting philosophies. Where I live, the mainstream is to AP so Im going against the grain by the choices we have made for our family. So interesting... : )

Maybe its not the *specific* choices we make that has made us "bad" but the fact that we have made our *own* choices and refuse to follow whatever mainstream way there is.

input anyone?


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## jnyflwr (Sep 28, 2003)

I have the same MIL issue too. It's so good to know I'm not the only one. Her soothing methods are barbaric (CIO). I apparently hold my baby too much and would you belive an "intervention to save me from my clingy baby" was planned. MIL & GMIL tried to get me out of the house and away from my baby (7 mos) to "break her"


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## summerdgo (Sep 17, 2003)

While in public with my oldest son yesterday I noticed that his knees were practically black with dirt and commented that people will think I'm a bad mom because he's so dirty. He immediately responded, "You're a good mom because you let me play outside all the time and don't make me take a bath every day!"


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## Eggie (Aug 7, 2003)

jnyflwr, definetly you are not the only one, my inlaws are the same.Well, everyone can have opinions but to have the nerve to do something like that??? What a lack of respect.







s to you.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

I am a bad parent because of all of the above.

I am hated because of some of my responses. Please understand these responces are to people I know longer care, I am just tired of battling.

You will make him gay/lesbian ~~~~~~~~~ and the problem with that is?

You are smothering him/them~~~~~~~~~no he is breathing quite well.

Don't you think he will have a problem identifying with dad (reference to my son not being circ'ed)~~~~~~~ Ummmmmmmm???? Is there something incestuous about you and your dad's relationship that I need to know about? NO, don't answer that I honestly don't want to know how you identify with your dad's dick.

You will never find another guy while letting your son sleep in your bed. ~~~~~~~~~~OHHHHHHHHH WHOOOOOOO IS that man I am living with?

What about your sex life~~~~~~~~UMMMM??? I pregnant??

*********************
Other ways I am a bad mom.

---You should give them meds.

---You should try homeopathic treatments instead of getting tubes. (My oldest daughter has a birth defect with her ears and hearing loss. I had to be more aggressive medically for her. I would not approach my physically normal kids in the same manner.)

---You shouldn't make him figure out how to ----------it all by himself. I don't know how many people I have infuriated because I have made my kids face and overcome their fears and figure out how to get out of their own messes. Don't get me wrong, I won't let them get hurt but if they climbed up on something they have to figure out how to get down.

----They are to young to clean up their own messes. ***Now these same people are bitching because their children will not clean up after themselves. My 3 yr old knows how to at least smear the mess around and I don't care she as long as she (they) does their best.

----I don't force them to fold the towels all exactly the same. Again our policy is the best they can do. Who cares if my linen closest is not the neatest??

-----I don't dress and make sure everything is matched.

I have three responsible kids that I am very proud of. They work and play hard. They are making sound decisions and choices.


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## MissMisha (Jul 16, 2003)

If making the choices that are best for us and our children makes us bad moms, then I want to be a charter member of the club! I already joke with my baby bear boy that my "mom of the year" points are seriously lagging. Why:

I traded in the sling on a soft pack carrier. Baby bear has *no butt* and kept sliding out of or sideways in the sling. It doesn't help that he has a baaaad case of the wiggles.

If he starts to cry and my hands are busy and/or dirty, I finish and wash up before picking him up. Oh, but then I pick him up at the first whimper - he won't *die* from crying. Note to my mom: please pick a consistent theory of parenting before you criticize mine!







:

I won't give him ground up, boiled chicken "for protein". OMG, major yuck!!!







Or mashed egg yolks. Baby bear actually likes tofu just fine thanks and most Americans easily get about 2-3 times as much protein as their bodies need. (Study by Vegetarian Times magazine) He also seems to have pretty good motor functions and reflexes so I don't think his brain is shriveling, oh great and mighty pediatrician.







:

Oh yeah, I'm definitely a bad mom because I sleep with baby AND the dog. Forget gender identity issues, Marsupialmom, my baby is going to think he is a siberian husky!!!! Secretly, I wish he would so I could housebreak him in six weeks or less!







Then I wouldn't be a bad mom for using cloth diapers on his delicate skin!









Hey, do we bad moms get a clubhouse and a secret handshake, too?


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

Can I join the bad mom club?

Let's see, if you ask my MIL, even if I'm doing it right, I'm doing it wrong. Seriously, my favorite bash on my parenting style was, "he wants to wash his hands when they get dirty, that's just not normal. What did you do to this kid?"

I'm bad because I don't keep his unruly hair cut really short all the time. I'm bad because I don't always get all the food off his face because I don't want to upset him. I'm bad because I let him get dirty and don't force him to get in the bath before we go out. I'm bad because I let him bathe himself if he chooses. I'm bad because I don't keep the house spotless. I'm bad because he believes in sharing (yep, MIL thinks he should be more selfish). I'm bad because he loves his baby brother and wants to help take care of him. I'm bad because baby brother gets held when he wants to be, and I'm bad because baby brother stays in the bed or swing when he wants to be left alone. oh, and I'm really bad because both my boys are tummy sleeping cosleepers.

And, I've got you all beat, I let my 3 yo watch Blue's Clues and Dora the Explorer when he wants to. Dora the Explorer will give him "gender issues", and when he watches Blue's Clues, he talks to the TV and points out that inanimate objects don't really talk. Where is his imagination? He left it over there by the basket full of invisible puppies.


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## grisandole (Jan 11, 2002)

To the inlaws, I'm bad because
We Co-sleep

We ebf

I don't work and we do struggle financially (according to them- my dh is a teacher, so we aren't broke, but we aren't living high on the horse, either), so I should get a job

We wouldn't leave ds with them overnight when he was a newborn







Or now that he's 15months

We waited until about 8months to introduce solids

We don't let him eat junk (for the most part), when can he eat a Happy Meal?

We let him get dirty and get into things (as long as they're safe)

We don't freak out when he puts dirt and rocks in his mouth

To some, I'm bad because

Recently (the last week) ds2, 15months has started watching Caillou. I never used to turn on the tv; but did one morning when I was sick to see if he'd be entertained, and he LOVED Caillou. So I bought a dvd (I hate the commercials on pbs) and he watches it every morning.

I do let him have sweets sometimes, and french fries!

He now sleeps in his own bed in his own room for part of the night.

~Kristi


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Hey mamas at least these are issues with your in laws and not your own family, mine is always my own.

I'm a bad mother because I've forced DS into being ridiculed by not having him circumsiced. After all the other kids will make fun of him! My aunt actually said it was nasty.

Also I'm going to make my nephew a perve by breastfeeding in front of him. He's two and likes to watch.

I won't wean DD just because she has teeth!

I don't feed my two year old everymeal. Firts of all I don't ahve time like that second of all how can she learn if I feed her until sh'e five just so she won't "make a mess". and number three she hates it, she's two and at the independent stage and throws a cow if I try to help her with anything. But I'm bad cause I should insist, afterall I'm just making it harder on myself to clean up.

I'm a bad mother because I let me 2 year old nurse occasionally. She's been weaned a while but every now and then she comes to ask out of the blue and I let her. I'm going to give her issues cause she'd "too old". The only reason she weaned earlyw as cause I was pregnant otherwise we would have went further than 15 months I'm sure.


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## Anna'sMommy (May 20, 2003)

Isn't it funny that even though we are all grown up married and have our own children and our mom's still have to voice their opinion? Just remember they are YOUR children and you are doing a great job! Your mom got to make the decisions when she was raising you. Now you have your own children and it is YOU that gets to make the decisions now! When my mom voices her opinion I kindly thank her for the advice and then raide DD they was DH and I want to.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I have heard:

"Your son will be coming home from dates and getting in bed with you!"

"Your son is going to walk all over you if you don't spank him."

"Everyone is going to hate to see your son coming."

"Your son is going to be a heathen."

Then these same people turn around and tell me what a calm, laid-back, happy child I have, and I'm thinking, "Hmmm...wonder what caused that."


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