# so tired of potty training. been at it for too long.



## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I think maybe I just need to vent, although if anybody has any ideas for how to motivate DS, I'd love to hear them.

I'm just sick and tired of potty training. I've been doing it for more than three years straight, and I'm just so FED UP.

DD1 took awhile to get the hang of it, between 2 and 2 1/2, and then the twins were born when she was 2 1/2, and she regressed, and then developed withholding issues and encopresis. We've only just in the last six months got her so that she's not having accidents during the day. She still occasionally wets the bed when she's very tired, but not often, and she cleans up after herself, so that's fine.

DD2 started pottying at 21 months, but it's been a PROCESS.







She refused diapers completely, but could only potty when naked, and it was a long, long process of patience to get her so that she could wear clothes again. She'll be three in February, and although she still needs a diaper at night, I guess I'd say she's fully potty learned now. She had a few accidents a week still though.

And now here's DS.

Honestly, he was probably ready to learn to potty months ago, but I kept him in diapers, and even switched him to paper diapers (we cloth diapered for five years, and I finally couldn't deal with cloth anymore), because I was just so unable to deal with three kids all having accidents at the same time. So now I've finally got the ball rolling with him. I took away his diapers, and he's mostly going nakey or with pants and no undies, and he has maybe two accidents a day during the day. He still needs a diaper at night, of course, and I don't trust him in the carseat without a diaper, but at least we're moving along now.

But he's so utterly and totally unmotivated. He basically potties for refined sugar (the only sugar he ever really gets, actually-- right now it's swedish fish) and if I try to pace out the rewards, he stops pottying and just goes on his feet or on the floor and tells me he'll potty when I buy more candy.









His new favorite strategy is to sit on the potty and squeeze out a few drops of urine, and clamor for his swedish fish, and then ten minutes later, do the same, all day long. He's figured out that he can not fully empty his bladder, and that he gets more rewards that way. And he still demands a diaper to poop. He's hilarious, I guess, if you're not his mother-- he can only poop while standing between DH's side of the bed and DH's nightstand, in this little space that's there, and he has to be holding his security blanket to do it.

I'm really afraid to put too much pressure on him, too, because he's very strong-willed. I don't want to wind up with another case of withholding like we had with DD1.

And I'm just so tired of diapers and puddles and poopy undies. Somebody peed on my feather pillow the other day, (and it wasn't the cat, because the cat was outside,) so it was either DS or DD2, who were both naked, and both denied it to the heavens above when I asked who did it, and it took me a whole day to wash and dry the darn pillow.

After five and a half years of washing diapers and cleaning up accidents and wiping bums, I guess I'm just ready to be DONE, and the fact that DS is so unmotivated is getting on my nerves.

Thank you. Rant over, and thank you for letting me vent my aggravation.


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## Plarka (Jul 1, 2008)

Oh, I'm so sorry, this sounds so tiring! I don't have any advice, we're in the middle of our own potty problems. DD potty trained by 18 mo, and after a few months got bored of it and now just pees herself instead, most of the time. And she is 2y 4 mo, so that has been going on for 6 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to say I hear ya in the aggravation of things potty related!


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## naismama (Oct 28, 2005)

I was just about to post my own potty rant about my ds whom I started pottying at 21 months. Now at 25 months, he poops and pees himself without even trying to go to the bathroom. Ironically, he has been consistently dry through the NIGHT every night for 3 months!!! Your situation sounds so exhausting....... but is it okay if I laughed at the Swedish fish thing?


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## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
He basically potties for refined sugar (the only sugar he ever really gets, actually-- right now it's swedish fish) and if I try to pace out the rewards, he stops pottying and just goes on his feet or on the floor and tells me he'll potty when I buy more candy.









His new favorite strategy is to sit on the potty and squeeze out a few drops of urine, and clamor for his swedish fish, and then ten minutes later, do the same, all day long. He's figured out that he can not fully empty his bladder, and that he gets more rewards that way. And he still demands a diaper to poop.

Nothing helpful to add except to say that really is hilarious. Smart, smart kid. And yes, it sounds like a really bad idea to pressure him. Who knows what he'll think of next.

My sister had a similar toddler who would only poop for candy too. She is seven and still jokes about it...


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I would put anyone having accidents more than once a week back in diapers. Try again in six months. When each of my three were ready (them ready - not me), they PT in a day or two. They were each three or three and a half though. I watched too many of my friends go through months or even years of accidents and frustration - I wasn't up for that.

I hope everyone hits the potty for you today!


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## mamabear0314 (May 13, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
I would put anyone having accidents more than once a week back in diapers. Try again in six months. When each of my three were ready (them ready - not me), they PT in a day or two. They were each three or three and a half though. I watched too many of my friends go through months or even years of accidents and frustration - I wasn't up for that.

I hope everyone hits the potty for you today!









That's how I feel about it. I'd rather change diapers than clean up accidents. When he's ready, we'll do it.
OP, I'm not speaking from personal experience..but it seems like even though he's physically ready, maybe he's not mentally/emotionally ready. I would put the dipes back on him for a few months. Good luck!


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

first, I have to laugh at both the poop thing and the swedish fish. Very smart kid you've got!

Second, could you try using a timer? And tell him that every time the timer goes off he can try pottying for swedish fish? and then gradually space out the intervals until they are maybe an hour apart. I know you said he doesn't like you to space out the rewards, soI don't know if it would work, it definitely won't if he catches on to what you're doing, but it might be worth a try. timers are my absolute favorite thing ever for potty training. It's something really concrete and predictable and kids seem to like that.

Ihave no idea if that will help at all but I sympathize with you....my ds still has "off" days sometimes where he just isn't in the mood to go potty. And since he thinks it's really super duper fun to squeeze the spray bottle and clean with the rag, and he LOVES doing laundry, "natural consequences" do not help my cause.In fact he has been known to stand right beside the potty and pee onn the floor, just for the joy of cleaning it up which makes me


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## crunchymamatobe (Jul 8, 2004)




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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
I would put anyone having accidents more than once a week back in diapers. Try again in six months. When each of my three were ready (them ready - not me), they PT in a day or two. They were each three or three and a half though. I watched too many of my friends go through months or even years of accidents and frustration - I wasn't up for that.

I hope everyone hits the potty for you today!









Six months is so long. In six months, he'll be nearly 3 1/2. I'll be having to put him in bedwetting pants during the day, by that time-- he's already in the largest size of diaper at this point, and growing fast.

Three weeks, maybe. It's a good idea, maybe, to give it a rest. But not six months...


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## ILoveMyBabyBird (Sep 2, 2006)

sorry mama, i know potty training can be so frustrating. My ds took forever to train. I started trying to train him at 21 months, he was practically trained at 24 months, but got sick and totally regressed, from then on it was a battle, he would go sometimes on the toilet, but mostly not, the last 6 months i put him fully in pullups and cloth underwear and not cloth diapers. He finally trained at 38 months, just 3 months ago, but he does have an occasional accident, but doesn't wet to bed. I told my dh with the next one i won't starting trying to train until 2 1/2, it will save me and the next lo a lot of frustration. Ds did get a lot of candy rewards for going on the toilet, but one thing i learned is that he has free will and he starting going fully on the toilet when he was ready...


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## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

I would put him back in diapers until he starts to ask to use the potty. Sounds like he's found out he can get a lot of attention with his potty antics. If you completely ignore his bodily functions but just calmly change him without comment when needed he might decide he's ready to do it on his own. I don't think he's very old to be still in diapers. Lots of boys are still not potty trained by 3.


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## MissMommyNiceNice (May 1, 2007)

Has your DH taught him to pee standing up yet? This helped things along in our house a lot!

yeah, I agree, I'd rather change dipes than clean up pee. Good luck!


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I think the hard part is that when HE is ready may be different from when WE are ready...







I have heard the average age of potty training is 3 for girls and 3.5 for boys. I know plenty are earlier, and some are later - but unless the child himself asked/showed interest/had the signs of readiness, I wouldn't try prior to 2.5 for girls and 3 for boys.

And they make diapers in sizes up to well past even a large four year old - for kids who have bed wetting issues. A friend's 8 year old boy had nighttime accidents for years - and they sold those sizes in Safeway and Target (common stores here - not sure where the OP is).

I just really believe that unless the child is both physically and emotionally ready, no amount of timers or candy or anything will really be effective to the point of trusting that you can be out of the house with him in underwear. To me, accidents away from home are much harder (on mom and on child) than changing a diaper when necessary.

I would give potty learning a break for as long as it takes for him to show all the signs of readiness. Maybe when he sees that you are really willing to wait for him to be ready, he will be ready sooner rather than later.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Since this threat has been brought back, I should update.

DS is very happily and proudly pottying almost every time, these days. He's not reliable when we're at too long a distance from a bathroom; he's got a very short interval between "gotta go," and "GOTTA GO NOW," so he wears diapers if we're going to be somewhere like the mall where the bathroom is at a distance. But he's pottying at other people's homes, and at church, and places like that. I don't know what got him over the hump, but now we're in business. I think he really needed some steady consistency-- I agree with the PP that for some kids, it's best to give it up and try again later. But I don't think this was true for DS. All the switching back and forth-- me deciding to give it a few weeks, then trying again, then going back to diapers again-- was confusing to him. So I think that in his case, toughing it out through a difficult week but insisting on underpants was exactly the right thing to do.

Besides I really do think that a child who's capable physically of holding it and letting it out in short bursts, on purpose, to get more rewards, is a child fully and totally capable of toileting. It seemed ridiculous to put a child with so much physical control back in diapers, no matter what shenanigans he's getting up to.

FWIW, he's now abandoned that game, for a new one that involves climbing on his twin sister in the middle of the night when she's sound asleep, and scaring the living crap out of her by screaming right in her ear. So now I have a new challenge to cope with...


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## mamadeb (Sep 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
FWIW, he's now abandoned that game, for a new one that involves climbing on his twin sister in the middle of the night when she's sound asleep, and scaring the living crap out of her by screaming right in her ear. So now I have a new challenge to cope with...









Thanks so much for the laugh. I was searching the forums today for ideas for my 3 yo DD that is still wetting and refuses to poop on the potty much of the time. I find this thread and just cried I was laughing so hard.

It's a good reminder that kids are on their own path. They have certain ideas of what works and those don't always match up with our own.

Onward - and good luck to all trying to potty train!


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