# POLL: Do you expect dd to tell you when her period starts?



## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

There were a couple comments on a shaving thread about worrying that your dd won't tell you when the begin their period, and I thought it warranted its own space. It's a subject I have mixed feelings about and was wondering what other people thought.

FTR, I did not tell my mom when I started my period. She was very closemouthed about sex and I didn't think it was her business. I resented her attitude that she should be privy to everything personal that happened to me just because I was her daughter, especially since she was so closemouthed about herself.

My dd is only 3, so of course puberty is a loooong time off. My plan for now is to buy her a bunch of different menstrual products to have on hand, talk to her about sex and her body on a regular basis throughout her life, and let her come to me if she has questions.

Thoughts?


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

DD is 12, but hasn't started yet. I hope (and expect) her to tell me as soon as she does as we very openly talk about it all the time.


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## snuggly mama (Mar 29, 2004)

I expect that she will tell me, though I certainly wouldn't demand it or anything. I would be pretty shocked if she didn't. We've been very open about the subject, and I would think that she'd want someone to share it with. Maybe if she were much older when it happened, she might need more privacy about it. She's 10 now, and the curves are starting to really develop, so I don't imagine she's that far away.


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## katebleu (Feb 4, 2005)

dd is only seven months old so it'll be a while, but i would hope that she would tell me that she period had started. i told my mom, but mostly out of curtiousy because i was going to need her maxi-pads. it seemed rude just to take ne without asking. i remember waiting until she was finished fixing dinner. but also thought she would be proud to know.


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## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

I'm sure that she will tell me, knowing her. We've talked about so many private things already, that I'm certain she'd not feel uncomfortable about it.

I told my mother, but I don't remember why---could have been because I wanted to share, but it also could have been because I couldn't figure out how to get the pad on! She "made" me tell my father, which embarrassed us both considerably, and made me angry with my mother. I absolutely won't require her to tell anyone she's not comfortable telling--that's completely her business.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Dd just started the other day and she told me immediately









ETA: I didn't vote because there wasn't multiple choice. I did expect that she'd tell me right away, because we'd discussed it often and I got the sense that she would let me know. But if she hadn't I would have been fine with that.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

My daughter told me the next evening, maybe 24 hours later. It was while we were having a big party (50+ homeschoolers and homeschooling parents from Friday to Sunday) party at the farm where we lived, and Rain spent most of the time in with a dozen teens watching videos and doing whatever else. She wandered home around 4 am (we lived in a smaller house on the farm; she was in the main farmhouse) and the morning was busy with people packing up to leave, and then she took a nap, and then she mentioned it that evening.

We had all the stuff so she just got a pad at some point and took care of it... I kind of wanted to do something special but she didn't seem very into it and we were tired, so we didn't really...

When I got mine, I had no pads or anything, and I kept trying to tell my mom and she kept blowing me off and saying she was busy, so I kept stuffing with TP all day. It sucked. That's why I wanted to be sure she had stuff and was ready (it started 4 months before she turned 12).

Dar


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## mags (May 4, 2004)

I will be a mom to 2 boys, so no DD for me.







However, I would hope that if I had a DD that she would tell me when she started her period, not just b/c I feel it's a mother/daughter thing, but just b/c I think it's something that a mom should know about... kind of like a medical hx type thing I guess. I got my first period when I was 11, and I don't know why, but I just flat out announced it to my mom. She did not make a big deal out of it, but soon after I told her, she did buy me some pads, etc., and made sure I understood how to use them, etc.. I mean, isn't your mom going to find out anyway, b/c you need to get $ to pay for period supplies (ok, personally I now use the diva cup, but I know most ppl still do not, and I wouldn't expect a teenager to use one)?


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

I have always assume they would becuase of needing supplies.

I told my mom in a btw fashion and a I was kind of pissed. LOL. I went fishing with one of her friend's husbands and I had to use TP and Paper towels all day. :LOL I sure as heck wasn't going to tell him anything.


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## fire_in_july (Jun 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whateverdidiwants*
FTR, I did not tell my mom when I started my period. She was very closemouthed about sex and I didn't think it was her business. I resented her attitude that she should be privy to everything personal that happened to me just because I was her daughter, especially since she was so closemouthed about herself.


I was the exact same way. I was 10 when I started my period and there was NO WAY I was going to tell my mom, for those reasons.

She found out over a year later and forbid me to use tampons (my preference then and always) and would not buy them for me. It kind of reaffirmed my reasons for not telling her! I had to continue on with the way I had been doing it before I told her - rounding up loose quarters from around our house and stocking up on tampons at the vending machines in restrooms! Sad.

I hope that my daughter feels more comfortable with me, and I will *certainly* allow her her own preference for supplies, be that pads, tampons, cups, or whatever.


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## alwaysamom (Jun 24, 2005)

I have 2ds and no dd but I was asked by my older sister to participate in supporting her dd when she starts her transition into womanhood. Basically my sis is asking a few women to write a letter to her dd sharing 'women's wisdom' with her; things they would have liked someone to share w/ them at the time. My sis is planning to share these gifts with her daughter when her period begins. Her dd knows that it is something very special and knows how this transition connects her to the creation of life. Like most transition times with children I lean towards being proactive and using the time before a change to prepare and keep the lines of communication open.
I hope if I ever have a dd that she would feel thrilled to share such an important time with me.
My exp was not as open and I did not tell my mother when I got mine. She was not there regularly and it was difficult for me to trust I would've had her full attention.
I believe that all we can do is create space that is safe for our children to share and beyond that it is up to them


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

My DD never told me; I was extremely upset.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

i said not sure, because while i assume that she would (it seems natural in a close family that openly talks about such things), should she choose not to tell me, it wouldn't bother me.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I voted I would expect her to tell me. The reason is because when I started, I was so excited- yet didn't have the relationship with my mother to feel okay about telling her. I did tell her, because I needed supplies (she didn't have any in the house) otherwise I would have just kept it my own business. I also went and purchased my first bra because my mother didn't think of such things and I was ashamed to ask for help- easier just to do it on my own.

Anyway, I hope to be open and able to talk with any child I may have and would really hope/want her to feel okay sharing the special event with me.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Joan*
She "made" me tell my father, which embarrassed us both considerably, and made me angry with my mother. I absolutely won't require her to tell anyone she's not comfortable telling--that's completely her business.

That must have been so horrible. I could barely get the words out to my mom, I can't imagine telling my step-father.


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## sovereignqueen (Aug 5, 2004)

My mom was embarrisinly open mouthed about it to the point where I am very uncomfortable talking about some subjects. I didn't tell her b/c I didn't feel I ready (tho I would of told her when I was ready) and didn't want any crass comments, but she found out anyway and she told my dad, etc, which embarrased me. (I had my own stash of stuff from those kits they give you in school, and I had babysititng $, and I was 14, I also perfer tampons which my mom is against) I do expect that dd and dsd will tell me eventually in their own time and season. dsd is already starting to become a woman in many ways (she's 10) so i don't think its too far off. But dd is only 15 months, so i've got awhile.


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## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice*
My DD never told me; I was extremely upset.

Do you mind if I ask why?


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## oldermamato5 (Feb 4, 2005)

My mama was the first to know when I started,and I have talked about it with my dd 7,she knows when I'm on my cycle. We are very open.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

My dd is almost 11, and I asked her today if she would tell me and she said yes. But made it clear she hasn't had it yet. Thank heavens!!!

I do the laundry anyway, and she's not the neatest, so I'm sure I'll find out anyway!


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Yes. We've talked about it multiple times. We decided we're going out to lunch together to celebrate. I told her I have some jewlery to give her as well. She already has supplies that she helped choose.


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## KermitMissesJim (Feb 12, 2004)

I said "not sure" because of my own experience. I was already 16 and one week away from the GYN office because I had not started yet. I started in the shower one morning. Since it was something we'd discussed and were consulting doctors about, I told my mom to cancel the appointment. But otherwise, I was pretty old and may not have mentioned it.

I think if my daughters were younger, I would expect it them to tell me pretty soon. But if they are late bloomers, as I was, then maybe not.

So, I'm truly "not sure..."


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I hope Leah will tell me as soon as it happens, but if she doesn't want to, I'm not going to push it.

Hannah, on the other hand, I can't imagine NOT telling me right away- she's got a completely different personality.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

If she trusts me, she should tell me. If she doesn't trust me, she shouldn't tell me. So I chose "other."


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## Artisan (Aug 24, 2002)

I told my mom a few hours after it started. I was too embarrassed to say it in person, so I left a note on the table when I was walking out the door to go to a babysitting job. My mom had been bugging me about it for quite a while, and I wanted her to stop worrying. I started wearing a bra at age 10 and didn't start my period until 13/14, so she was wondering what was up.

She told my dad and made my dad go to the store to buy me supplies. (Oh, the mortification!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) He did and yelled up the stairs to me, "WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS BIG GREEN BOX OF MAXI PADS????" I am still embarrassed thinking about it.

Hopefully DD will tell me shortly after it starts. She is still a baby, though -- I don't want to think about it! And I will not embarrass her the way my mom did me.


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## Openskyheart (Nov 25, 2002)

My dd will be 9 next month - so a while yet before it happens. I put "other" because I wasn't sure about the word "expect" in the OPs question. Do you mean "expect" in the sense that "Sure, I think she will." or "expect" as in "You'd better!" :LOL

I do think she will tell me, but I won't mind if she doesn't. In any case, I'll have supplies ready, and I'll let her know what to do with them before that day comes. That's what my mom did with me, and I remember feeling good about it.

Laura


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

It is her choice but I think/hope she will right away. We have a pretty open relationship and I hope to keep that- she is actually more comfortable talking about tampons and periods than I am. :LOL I can talk openly without weirdness about sex but not about periods- so strange.


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## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Openskyheart*
My dd will be 9 next month - so a while yet before it happens. I put "other" because I wasn't sure about the word "expect" in the OPs question. Do you mean "expect" in the sense that "Sure, I think she will." or "expect" as in "You'd better!" :LOL


I meant it in the "You'd better!" way.

I'm really surprised that so many people expect their daughters to tell them right away, it gives me the impression that some people don't want their kids to ever have any secrets from them, that they expect to know everything about their kid forever. Granted, I may be reading too much into all this because of my relationship with my own mother, who wanted to be my best friend, but never wanted to hear about anything bad or depressing. To this day she thinks she knows all about me, when in reality she knows very little about me.


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## Openskyheart (Nov 25, 2002)

I know whatcha mean. I don't even think of it in terms of "keeping secrets" but of having one's own private life. On another thread on MDC a similar topic about a parent not being being told something has been discussed, and I expressed my belief in the need for a private life even among parents and children who are close.

I know mothers who say that they and their daughter's tell each other everything. But do they really? I mean do the mothers really run to their daughters and tell them about the great sex they had the night before? Doubtful. I think what they mean is that they tell their daughters selective things, but (at least hope that) their daughters tell them everything. Of course, the mothers have every right to keep some things, like the details of their sex life for example, private. And, by the same token, our children have a right to keep some details of their lives private.

I guess I've been influenced by my mom who has a strong sense of privacy! And we're close!







And still tell each other.....almost everything.

Laura


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## tiredmum (Mar 18, 2005)

I also didn't vote as my DD has got hers but I always knew she would tell me. She came wailing out of the bathroom looking like she was going to plow me over and and said "I got it!!!" lol I also had different items on hand for her and she took care of it all on her own.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I am pretty sure my DD would tell me. We are pretty close, but I realize that could change as she grows, but I hope not. I do ask her if she has started growing pubic hair, so I can sort of get a feel for when it will happen. Dh sisters started in 5th grade, I did not start until late 7th grade, so I have a feeling it could happen soon.


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## umbrella (Jul 25, 2002)

Well, it sort of looks like you're using "expect" to mean "demand" in a way.

While I DO _expect_ that my dd would tell me, another option also holds true, that of course she deserves privacy regarding her own body. It's not my right to know.


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## umbrella (Jul 25, 2002)

Quote:

meant it in the "You'd better!" way.

I'm really surprised that so many people expect their daughters to tell them right away, it gives me the impression that some people don't want their kids to ever have any secrets from them, that they expect to know everything about their kid forever.
Well, the reason here is that you're using "expect" to mean "you'd better!" That's not what "expect" actually means. I answered before I saw your personal clarification.

I do want my child to be able to, and to have secrets. I think privacy is very important.

But I still _figure_ she's going to keep me on the up and up regarding some things. I _figure_ she'd tell me when she starts menstruating. In our home, menstruation isn't an icky secret. When I was younger, and first started, I had no problem telling my parents; it's wasn't a big embarrassing deal. It also wasn't this huge announcement. I told them because it made sense to tell them, and especially "made sense" to tell my dad, because now I would need "feminine products."

My dd, young as she is, knows quite a bit about menstruation just from being around me, and she gets a kick out of how "cool" and pretty my pads are, and has said she wants pretty pads too, when she needs them. So yup, I "figure" she'll tell me when she starts menstruating.


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## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

I started at 9, and DD started at 9 as well. I didn't tell my Mom for over a year, and then only because I had to (needed supplies when we were on vacation). I wasn't sure DD would tell me, but she did, very matter-of-factly, and she didn't want a big deal made of it.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whateverdidiwants*
I meant it in the "You'd better!" way.

I'm really surprised that so many people expect their daughters to tell them right away, it gives me the impression that some people don't want their kids to ever have any secrets from them, that they expect to know everything about their kid forever.

I guess I think it's sad that you're surprised. I'm sorry you didn't have a good relationship with your mom.

My daughter (12) and I have a close relationship. She tells me when she has a new idea for her hair, or has a concern about one of her friends, or when she gets a big zit and wants to know if it's noticeable. She sometimes tells me about boys she likes, sometimes not. She has whatever privacy she seems to need - a whole private livejournal, for example - but she still values my opinion. Getting one's period sems to me to be a topic where a mother's input would be helpful - for acquiring pads, for talking about cramps, for health reasons, for laundry issues. It's not something shameful or embarrassing, or sexual (I know she doesn't tell me all of her sexual thoughts and feelings, and I'm fine with that).

Menstruation has always been a pretty open topic at our house. She's known when I'm getting my period ("Hey, let's get CHOCOLATE!") and I don't think being secretive about hers ever occured to her.

Dar


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## mmace (Feb 12, 2002)

My daughter is eleven and had her first period about six weeks ago. I was actually not the first person to find out, she was on a canoe trip with my parents and some friends from church, so I'm guessing I was about the fifth or sixth person to find out, but she did tell me as soon as she got home! To celebrate I bought her a pair of hoop earrings she'd been wanting. No second visit yet...


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## 3momkmb (Jul 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whateverdidiwants*
I meant it in the "You'd better!" way.

I'm really surprised that so many people expect their daughters to tell them right away, it gives me the impression that some people don't want their kids to ever have any secrets from them, that they expect to know everything about their kid forever.

I answered yes, but I was reading *expect* in the *I think she will* way not the way you intended it. I mean, since I do the grocery shopping and at 11 she has little disposable income (to buy her own supplies) I would think practicality would dictate she at least inform me. I don't think she should *have* to, she didn't tell me when she started getting pubic hair (I noticed it when we were in the pool) and I have no problem with her not wanting to share. In fact she did tell me when she started (just this week!) but it was a very short conversation and I'm cool with that









I can understand what you mean though. I remember my mother used to mark the days I started on the family calender (yes the one on the kitchen wall) and I would get so MAD







: I felt like it was a huge invasion of my privacy and I started to change my pads when I was out of the house in an attempt to keep her from knowing. As a mom I can understand why she would want to have an idea of my cycles (for health reasons) but she could have been a bit more discreet!

So....I will certainly do not expect to know *everything about her forever*, but there are things I probably should know.. you know?


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whateverdidiwants*
I meant it in the "You'd better!" way.

I'm really surprised that so many people expect their daughters to tell them right away, it gives me the impression that some people don't want their kids to ever have any secrets from them, that they expect to know everything about their kid forever. Granted, I may be reading too much into all this because of my relationship with my own mother, who wanted to be my best friend, but never wanted to hear about anything bad or depressing. To this day she thinks she knows all about me, when in reality she knows very little about me.


well in that case, I voted wrong.

No, I don't think she ought to tell me just because. But I do hope we are close enough and that she trusts me enough that she would. I actually can't imagine not being told about something so major in a girl's life! I told my mom as soon as I got home from school. I was a bit freaked out, because all this talk about "blood" I never expected it would be brown and I wasn't sure if I hadn't pooped on myself instead.


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## Sarihah (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whateverdidiwants*
There were a couple comments on a shaving thread about worrying that your dd won't tell you when the begin their period, and I thought it warranted its own space. It's a subject I have mixed feelings about and was wondering what other people thought.

FTR, I did not tell my mom when I started my period. She was very closemouthed about sex and I didn't think it was her business. I resented her attitude that she should be privy to everything personal that happened to me just because I was her daughter, especially since she was so closemouthed about herself.

My dd is only 3, so of course puberty is a loooong time off. My plan for now is to buy her a bunch of different menstrual products to have on hand, talk to her about sex and her body on a regular basis throughout her life, and let her come to me if she has questions.

Thoughts?

My dd is 14 years old. Whether or not to 'expect' her to tell me when she started her period never really crossed my mind; I guess I did just expect her to tell me, and she did.

I went out and bought my daughter a pair of heart shaped, ruby earrings when she started, to commemorate the day.


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## purplemama (Jun 4, 2004)

I voted before I read what you meant by "expect", as well. I feel like my daughter would tell me, just because we're both open about that kind of stuff. She's 11 and already pretty developed and she told me about when she was getting pubic hair, underarm hair, etc. I also told her that we should go out and buy her some of her own feminine products soon, just so she can be prepared when it does happen. I was living with my grandmother when I started, but I called my mom as soon as I found out and she was the one who told my grandma. A woman's period has always been just a matter-of-fact thing in our house, something I don't even hide from ds.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I didn't "expect" her to tell me. I don't know, the wording makes it seem like she is obligated to tell me. I did find out, but she didn't like run to me the second it happened, and I didn't expect her to. She already had all the supplies she would need and the topic had been covered in depth enough that she didn't need any training. We talk about everything, and she can come to me if she needs anything but I give her her space and privacy also.


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## ryansmom02 (Jan 8, 2003)

My DD started today at the age of 11.... She came into my room this morning and told me..... I told her where to find the pads and we talked about it about 2 hours later....She had no problem telling her father as he does the laundry and she wanted to know what to do about her blood stained panties.... He told her welcome to womanhood and to soak the panties in her bathroom sink....Then I took her to lunch got her a pedicure and we just had a great day......I didnt expect her to tell me but I would have liked her to tell me..... and she did


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## tweetyznan (Aug 10, 2005)

Yes, I did expect my dd to tell me and she did. I was glad. She and I talked about her period way before it happened. I talked to her at 8 yrs old . And she started when she was 11.


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

I voted expect because how else will I know to get her the right supplies?

I'm not into the "celebrate your menses" thing at all although I'm happy to be if any future DDs are excited about it. Otherwise, to me it's just another medical thing like having a cold and needing tissues. Not that I won't think of it as a coming of age thing, I'm just not into the party/go out to lunch thing.

I totally understand kids needing to have privacy, lord knows my mother tried not to give me any, but this isn't like having a crush on a boy. THis is something that will happen every month, that will affect how she feels physically, the laundry, what I buy for supplies, etc. So I really need to know. And I'd figure it out anyway even if she didn't tell me, so she might as well. I don't care if I'm the first to know or the last, as long as I know in time to do whatever she needs. I won't tell anyone else or force her to tell anyone else. That would be awful!

And I'll make sure that she knows before it happens that the first time might be dark brown. Mine was, too, and I didn't tell anyone for a couple of days (I was at sleepaway camp) because I didn't know it was my period! And I'd read about it and learned about it at school and my mother.


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

I didn't tell my mother and my daughter didn't tell me. Of course I had the fantasies of the kodak moment, presenting her with a basket filled with soft, homemade cloth pads and a garnet bracelet, taking her out to dinner to celebrate, and then coming home to a house full of wimmin welcoming her to the next chapter of her life, but it really wouldn't have been practical with a younger brother around.

I feel good about how we did handle things. I bought her some pads when she was 9, even though it would be over three years before she needed them. She's a reader, so she had plenty of books about the subject and could handle practical matters just fine on her own. When I saw that she needed more pads, I was conscientious about getting them for her.

It was kind of a shock when she switched to tampons, though; I reached for one and the box was empty!

About that time, she became more relaxed about talking about the natural functions of the female body and comes up with some hilarious jokes. I'm seriously thinking about getting both of us Diva Cups fairly soon and don't think it would embarass her if I gave her one for a birthday or solstice present.


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## Mylittlevowels (Feb 16, 2005)

Well, my dd is not yet 3, so take from this what you will...
I voted yes, when she's ready. I do want her to tell me because it's a health issue, having a monthly cycle is a good indicator of health and fertility. If she is going to be sexually active, I want her to have a gynecological exam and pap, and discuss birth control/STD prevention.
I also would love for it to be a bonding moment between us, but I won't be too hurt if it doesn't happen, that's totally up to her. When I got my period, I wanted that so bad and I didn't get it







I had just moved in with dad and stepmom and stepmom was not forthcoming with support or information...but I don't think my mom would have been much better







: I would have loved one of those "Red Tent" type things, I've always felt a spiritual connection with my cycle. The women in my family are mega fertile and it's always been a source of pride for me


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Well, our daughter is only 7 onths old, so take it for what it's worth









I don't *expect* her to tell me as in "you'd better!" ... but I would hope that she would feel open about it enough to let me know. I am into the whole ceremonial part of it -- if my daughter is open to it that is. I think that women, especially during their periods, have been the subject of so many ugly stories and wive's tales --- people used to believe menstruating women were of the devil and such...and I want her to know that it isn't a "curse"...

I think it is cool to celebrate a new chapter in her life -- not so much celebrating that she got her period as much as celebrating her womanhood and all the power and beauty and wonder (and yes, sometimes pain) that goes along with becoming a woman...

We are really open in our home anyway, so I suspect that she will know everything anyway and by the time she gets her period chances are I will still be getting mine (I will be about 40-42) so there will be "supplies" around anyway. It will probably be an ongoing dialogue as everything else, and I will make her a basket of different things -- pads, tampons, cloth pads, the cup, herbal teas and pain relief ... and just probably give it to her before she gets her period and let her know if she has any questions or concerns or wants to talk... that I am here... but if not, she can keep it private if she wishes...

I wouldn't make a ta-doo around my husband though (her dad)...if she wants him to know, she is free to tell him... I may mention it privately to him, (as a heads up if she is cranky or tired or generally moody etc) but I wouldn't make a big SHE GOT HER PERIOD!!! announcement... that is so embarrassing for girls I imagine!!


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

I think so many said yes because they like me understand "I expect her to" to mean that "I assume that is what will happen."


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I already have supplies in the house- I don't use disposable pads anymore, but I have some left from when I used to use them, so I made sure to show both DDs where the pads were kept, just in case they need them.

DD likes sewing, so I might get her to make some cloth pads for herself. I suggested it when I made an eye mask for myself out of some yummy cotton sweatshirt fleece, and she agreed that it would make for comfy pads!


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## LadyMarmalade (May 22, 2005)

I don't have a daughter, but I voted 'other'. I wouldn't *expect* her to, but I'd hope (and would be 99% sure) she'd tell me as soon as it happened. We would carry on the family tradition of celebrating the event. My mother let me have the next day off school and we had a party - just the two of us. She gave me a red rose and we told stories/shared memories about the women in our family.


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## erniebobernie (Aug 6, 2005)

My dd#1 told me right away and I know my dd#2 will too. She is excited to have her Red Party as her sister did. She has called me into the br a couple of times but it was a false alarm. We, as a family, are very open about menses and our bodies and they know that it is a celebration of life, a passage to the next stage of their life, as a woman. All the woman in our family come over and we have an evening in honor of the young woman. We were red, we red food eat (foods such as soups, fruits, veggies, cranberry juice) we read poems and tell stories of our cycles, give advice, give a red gift to the young woman. DD#2 is only 8, she will have to wait a bit longer....


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## dynamicdoula (Jun 11, 2004)

I don't 'expect' my step-daughter to tell me anything she's not ready for me to know. Fortunately, we have a very open relationship and while she didn't tell me right when she got her period, she did tell me before her second one came along. It was great because I told her about cloth pads and she was VERY excited!


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## guestmama9924 (Mar 16, 2002)

I voted yes! We talk about that stuff all the time though- as a doula and midwifery assistant, let's just say the woman mystery is not so mysterious!
But I get teary just thinking about my 10 year old growing up and getting her first period.

So did any of you cry?







:

I am also searching for some positive books on the topic too. I relied on Judy Blume for all my information.


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## afishwithabike (Jun 8, 2005)

I truly hope she does. I would like to think she could feel open and comfortable talking to me about her changing body.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

I had the expectation that my dd would let me know when she started her period, and she did - as a courtesy. We had purchased myraid supplies in the months prior to the event, and she had experimented with what worked best for her. She did not need my advice, she did not want a celebration, and she said she would let me know if she needed anything. I purposely let her take the lead, and here's why:

My mother "expected" my sisters and I not only to tell her when we had our first periods, but every subsequent period we had while we lived at home. These were tracked on a family calendar, so that she could be on the lookout for pregnancy. My younger sister did not tell me mom about her first period, and when mom found out there was HELL to pay. Having no privacy about personal functions is something I would never wish on anyone.


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## erika h (Dec 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fire_in_july*
I was the exact same way. I was 10 when I started my period and there was NO WAY I was going to tell my mom, for those reasons.
...
I hope that my daughter feels more comfortable with me, and I will *certainly* allow her her own preference for supplies, be that pads, tampons, cups, or whatever.

I hope that all moms of our generation are as open minded and supportive as the moms in this forum. Based on the timelines laid out here, my daughter and I maye have another 3-4 years... I do believe in talking to her about it in advance, so she is not totally caught by surprise. I also want her to be somewhat prepared in case her first period catches her off guard, occurs at school or another place away from home.
I'd like to think that I am ready when the time comes, but at the moment I just cannot picture my little daughter becoming a little lady.


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## LizaBear (Feb 1, 2003)

I really hope that she will, but as she's only 17 months old it's a long ways off yet.

FTR - my mom didn't find out about my cycles for around 2 years after I started. I had babysitting money (I was 9 !) and wasn't that close to my mom (sad








) and saw no reason to tell her.


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## agcj (Sep 20, 2005)

dd was 13 1/2, and it started during her history class. She had a speech. Every other woman in my family did not start until 16, so I was not expecting it. I was pregnant at the time, and had only one very, very large pad with wings left in the bathroom and a box of large scary tampons. She did not tell me. She came home from school and fell asleep. I found soiled underwear, and asked her about it. She was just so tired because of middle school and the period. She felt absolutly miserable. She and I fought the whole week before it sarted. When I found out, I felt terrible because it explained so much. I went out and bought small pads and chocolate for her. poor baby.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

I was six weeks shy of my thirteenth birthday.

I told my mom, and I expected my DD to tell me, but she did not.

She was eleven.

I was hurt, and she said that all I did was work and I did not care about her. I suppose this was her way of getting even.

I was pregnant, working two jobs because my DH was sick (terminal) and I honestly did not have alot of time, but I did care about her. DH did not have the energy.

Fast forward a couple of years; she is having bad cramps and she does ask me for advice on relief from that, so I guess I am good for something.


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## latinmom (Nov 20, 2001)

Mine certainly did (she's 18 now!). I didn't read the rest of the thread, but I can't imagine any mother-daughter relationship these days that wouldn't include this. Even if its just to ask where you keep the supplies!


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## JennieYoung44 (Jan 21, 2006)

I have no daughters, all sons, but I read this thread b/c I wanted to know what the thoughts were and I just want to congradulate all of you on being such positive loving thoughtful caring mothers to your daughters. I personally have never told my mother though I'm sure she must know by now...








I was too







when it happened and used a concoction of toilet paper and scotch tape for the first year until a good friend's older sis introduced me to tampons.







what an invention.


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## chiro_kristin (Dec 31, 2004)

I'd expect her (if and when I'm blessed with her) to tell me bc I think we'd have that type of relationship. I wouldn't demand it.

I knew all about AF but was clueless that I had gotten it... it was just light brown discharge at first. My mom noticed while doing laundry and told me!


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whateverdidiwants*
FTR, I did not tell my mom when I started my period. She was very closemouthed about sex and I didn't think it was her business.

My mother never discussed sex or periods with me. I had read up about it, though. There WAS a box of pads in the bathroom closet. I was 15 when I got it, didn't tell her. When the box of pads ran out, I had to tell her. She was hurt that I didn't tell her, and cried. Why the hell should I tell her when she seemed to think it unnecessary to ever discuss it with me? I was supposed to miraculously know all about these things because she was too embarrassed to talk about it. Her big thing after I did tell her was to make sure to hide the pads or later tampax so that my older brother would not see the box. Lord knows it might have blinded him if he knew his sisters menstruated.

My daughters can tell me or not as they choose, I wouldn't expect it and wouldn't feel hurt if they didn't.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I am raising my daughters to hopefully be comfortable enough to tell me that kind of thing. In Hindu culture, the start of first menses is a very special time. There is a small ceremony and family celebration to welcome a girl into womanhood. She is treated like a princess and given gifts to help symbolize her new status. So she'd better tell me!


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## crysmomofthree (Mar 18, 2004)

I never told my mom. We never had any conversations regarding sex. There was a box of pads in the bathroom. I was 15. We never had any conversations about sex until she found my birth control pills in my school bag when i was 16, then she just yelled at me and called me a slut (I wasn't living at home by then) needless to say, I was pregnant at 17 (It was hard to get those pills.)

My dd is my fourth baby. As she is only 9 mos. I don't know how our relationship is going to go, but I hope that we have open communication between us. And I would love to share this experience with her. I hope we can celebrate her becoming a woman. I do have a 9 year old ds, and I feel like we have great communication and he asks me all sorts of questions like "what does it mean when a girl has a crush on you? " I really hope my kids and I maintain open communication.

I voted "other" because I don't "expect " her to tell me , but I really hope she would so I can help to make it a positive experience.


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## MareliMoo728 (Feb 4, 2006)

ok well i have to say (i'm only 13) i personally didn't know how to approach my mom with the whole idea when it acctually happened... i think in her mind we are "very close" but i don't ever really tell her when i like a guy or much... its usually through email if i do tell her... i dunno i guess we are really close in some ways like we are open to each other but i'm more open to other adults about it than i am to her... i don't understand why a mom would be mad about it if their child didn;t say anything . you just have to be TOTALLY open with your kids and from the time they are really little you have to be open with them about about... well everything and as they start coming closer to the "maturing age" its good to talk to them about it more often. DON'T BE TOOOOO PUSHY WITH IT time will come ... just always have some "spare equipment" on hand.. sometimes i like to use hippy pads and other times i use regular disposable pads from HEB or whatever i guess its just the way your mom does it or who influences you cause my mom is totally NOT a hippie but my "sister" (just a close family friend) is a hippie and she uses hippie pads and then cups... so i guess just have a variety or if you guys are TRULY close enough... talk to her about what she would like to use...

if you moms out there have any questions for me... SHOOT!


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## ImoKit (Jan 20, 2006)

I started in school and told my mum in the car on the way home. She was confused that I'd let her do the after school mumsie chat without interrupting. Seemed to assume that I was physic .enough to know that having my period was a reason interrupt instead of politely letting her talk







:


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## ImoKit (Jan 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MareliMoo728*
ok well i have to say (i'm only 13) i personally didn't know how to approach my mom with the whole idea when it acctually happened... i think in her mind we are "very close" but i don't ever really tell her when i like a guy or much... its usually through email if i do tell her... i dunno i guess we are really close in some ways like we are open to each other but i'm more open to other adults about it than i am to her... i don't understand why a mom would be mad about it if their child didn;t say anything . you just have to be TOTALLY open with your kids and from the time they are really little you have to be open with them about about... well everything and as they start coming closer to the "maturing age" its good to talk to them about it more often. DON'T BE TOOOOO PUSHY WITH IT time will come ... just always have some "spare equipment" on hand.. sometimes i like to use hippy pads and other times i use regular disposable pads from HEB or whatever i guess its just the way your mom does it or who influences you cause my mom is totally NOT a hippie but my "sister" (just a close family friend) is a hippie and she uses hippie pads and then cups... so i guess just have a variety or if you guys are TRULY close enough... talk to her about what she would like to use...

if you moms out there have any questions for me... SHOOT!









ITA,
I'm 15 and grew up thinking its a fact of life. I never even considered not telling my mum because to me it was a fact of life and not a private issue. A lot of my friends are amazed about how open I am about these things.


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

Quote:

It was kind of a shock when she switched to tampons, though; I reached for one and the box was empty!
That happened here too! A little warning would have been nice!

We're pretty open about that sort of things around here. I think we all deserve a little extra attention during that time.


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