# I can never go grocery shopping again!



## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Please someone, anyone help me. My 22 month old is a holy terror when we go grocery shopping. I have her and a six month old to take with me shopping. My oldest is quiet and happy when I am shopping, but when it comes time to check out, and while I am putting the items on the check-out counter, she FLIPS! She screams, tries to grab everything (today she broke all 2 dozen eggs by swiping them on the floor) and then cries and kicks and throws a huge fit until I am done paying. I have tried distractions, giving items to her to hold after they have scanned them, but nothing works. She is fine when we are done and in the car, is she just scared the items are going bye bye? What gives? Any ideas?


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## Mrsboyko (Nov 13, 2007)

Where is she during this time? In the cart, walking, in a sling? If you have a free hand, I would pick her up and show her what is going on. That is my only suggestion....


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

I had to take time off from going anywhere in public with my children at that age.









I am basically no help.


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## MAMom (Mar 24, 2005)

Have you tried explaining all the steps to her 5 or so minutes before getting to the checkout? "We're going to have to go pay or everything soon DD". "Mama's going to take all the groceries out of the cart and put them on the conveyor belt so the cashier can ring in all the prices." Then they're going to put them in bags for us so we can take all our groceries home!"

Also, if you have a backpack/Ergo/MeiTei I'd wear her in that. I find ours extremely helpul in any kind of store!

=================
Mama to DS 5/03 & DD 2/06 (HBAC!)





























: ICAN "Birth is the epicenter of women's power." ~Ani DiFranco


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

LOL!

"This too shall pass"

Can you switch where you put the kids? Maybe she can sit in the front of the cart, and the baby can be in her bucket in the back?

Or can you use the plastic kiddie cart? That way, you can strap her in on the right side, and she won't be able to reach anything on the belt. (or vise versa depending on which way the conveyer belt faces)

Or, can you get her out of the cart and have her put the stuff on the belt? I know that would take a long time and be frustrating to you and everyone behind you, but it might feel more like helping instead of giving her new stuff away.


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## 2 in August (Jan 6, 2006)

I don't know if you have a dp or not, but I ended up leaving my dd home and going shopping either late at night or early morning on my dh's day off (it changes every week). Even now I might take one of the 2 with me, but now that my baby is older I leave him home too. It's my "me time".


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

I tried letting her help put stuff on the belt, but she just tries to run away, which leaves me chasing her and leaving my baby unattended. I tried putting her in the back and the baby in the front, doesn't work. It just is bad because I like to have groceries done before my hubby gets home from work. I might have to go after dinner by myself, but I would like her to learn to be quiet and sit still..I don't what to do. It is just very embarrassing with all the looks and eye rolls from everyone.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Thats how my dd is. While we are moving, she is fine. Stop at the checkout and look out. It sucks, I know. She started getting like that at 18 months old. She is now 27 months old and is the same. I now have a 7 week old baby, so I don't do the shopping now. DH has to do it alone.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Have you tried plying her with food? I bribed my dd with bagels when she was little. She would happily eat her bagel while I finished up.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
I would like her to learn to be quiet and sit still..I don't what to do. It is just very embarrassing with all the looks and eye rolls from everyone.

She will learn to be quiet and still -- when she's old enough! But at 22 months, she's not old enough. It's all about action, movement, etc. at that age. If they aren't moving, they aren't learning.

If you've got an energetic toddler and a 6 month old, you need to focus on your kids and not worry about those eye rolls. Anyone who's had toddlers has had them melt down in the 'wrong' places. Anyone who rolls their eyes has either forgotten or never had toddlers.

If you have to take her, I would put her in the front of the cart strapped in, the baby in a carrier on your front when you pay, ignore her screams and get out as fast as you can! But honestly, for about a year when my kids were around that age, it was just easier to go on my own. And it wasn't a bad little break for me. And I discovered that the meats from the meat counter are massively discounted at 7 pm so they don't have to throw them out!


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## mesecina (Apr 22, 2004)

I think my older child was about that age when I regularly got through the checkout line by giving her Cheerios one at a time or if it got really bad, letting her empty my wallet. She was also fascinated by the credit card machines, and loved to push the buttons on them (until you swipe your card, it doesn't matter which buttons you push...)


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## MrsTC (Nov 18, 2005)

Just have a big hug and an encouraging reminder that just when you think you're going to lose your mind because your kid is doing something that really challenges your patience, the behavior often softens or the child will move on to something new. I pray that's the case for you!!!

She must be too small to verbalize or give you many clues about why she melts down at that particular time, I guess?

Things I've tried to keep my son entertained and engaged when I would otherwise be focusing on the checkout procedures are talking about each item as I load it onto the belt, talking about the color on the boxes, letting him hold a treasure he found during the course of our shopping (there is almost always something I'm buying that he wants to hold and explore or that he's picked out himself like a banana, or if I'm really desperate, dark chocolate m&ms...)

Could you try a different time of the day, maybe? My son goes back and forth every couple months on whether he takes naps, and it makes a big difference in how cooperative he is with me when running errands.


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## crazyrunningmama (Dec 16, 2006)

It may not help, but my dd is really into paying (20 months). She hads over the money or card. Sometimes it's the wrong one, while I am hissing "just take it and give it back to her" to the cashier. DD loves it, I think she just feels part of it and in control. I always give her lots of verbal warning that we have to go pay now. Good luck and ignore the eye rollers, everyone has been there.


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

What about setting her in the back of the cart and handing her non-breakable items to load onto the conveyor belt? Both of my kids (2 1/2 and 4 1/2) love to help out with the loading.

My 4 1/2 yr old loves to help with the bagging at the other end, too, if we go someplace like Winco where you have to bag your own. He stands on the platform, pushes the buttons to move the groceries down. I open a bag for him and say "Okay, you put all the yogurt in this one" or whatever.

Something else my mom and I hit on for keeping a 2 yr old happy while shopping: Hand the child a box of something you're going to buy (cereal, a cake mix, whatever) and a pen and let them "decorate" the box. For a while, I had some bee-yutiful boxes in my pantry







If nothing else, maybe you could ask the checker to quickly scan a box, then hand it to her to color while you finish up.

Jen


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

I like the coloring of the boxes idea. I have to go out with both of them today cause my hubby is home with a stomach bug..yuck! I will bring along some crayons and maybe having that along with some snacks and having her "pay" for them might help. Something has to work, right?  Thanks for all the tips. I am getting ready to leave right now, so I will check back in and let you all know how it went. Wish me luck mamas! Thanks again!


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## springmama (Aug 30, 2006)

Food, food and more food. I can't get through grocery shopping w/out feeding dd. Luckily we shop at TJ's and they always have samples plus I just start opening stuff and give it to her. She also knows that at the end of checkout they will give her some stickers. I also just had to explain the process to her of how we have to pay for the food, put it in bags and take it home.


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## Susan Kunkel (Jul 13, 2005)

When my ds now 6 was this age and I had an infant ,I did the following. Made sure he had energy out time before the trip. Had a healthy meal or snack. I put the baby in the sling and him in the seat of the cart. I also go over how we act in the store. I still go over with both my sons how we are to act in different places.
Susan


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## mowilli3 (Jan 7, 2007)

LOL!!! I'm glad I'm not alone on this one. People thought I was crazy when I said she did that.

My DD did that for a long time, like months. We would get to check-out and she'd start screaming I DON'T WANT TO PAY!!! She would grab the food. She is 33 mo now and she still gets a little wild, but not too bad. I just talked to her. I say, "We are going to get eh food and put it in our cart. But we can't take it home until we pay for it." So after a while she started saying, "We are going to pay for the food." And she'd be fine. It does pass. Just try to respect that she thinks those things belong to her.

You wouldn't believe how she flipped out when we moved and the movers came to pack us...


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## abi&ben'smom (Oct 28, 2007)

Well, mine are 6 & 8 and I still don't have it down perfect yet. Now they fight over who gets to push the buttons at the self check out. But this is what I try to remember. Before we go: potty, drink. Bring with us: snack, toy, books. Give them each a job: ds, remember and find apples and bread; dd remember and find cheese and eggs. They get really excited when we go by aisles and they find their items. (And they are actually better at remembering things than I am!) Try to remember the time frame of when they usually melt down, and don't stay that long the next time. (I don't ever get that one right!) They love to do the whole thing at the self check out. They take turns (sometimes nicely) scanning the items and putting them in the bags, then pushing the buttons and sticking the money in. If they are not interested in these things (mine weren't until they were older), try putting together a little bag with stuff in it (toys she hasn't seen in awhile, little notepads with crayons, snack, etc.). And for emergency meltdown at the checkout--keep a sucker in your purse. Good Luck!


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## Cujobunny (Aug 16, 2006)

I either hold my son up or put him in the seat at the front of the cart and let him push buttons on the debit machine and "swipe" my card. he loves paying.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Well we made it out alive from the store. It was not pretty, but it went better than yesterday except for one rude old lady at the store. I tried to crayon thing, but my girl was so pissed she chucked them at the cashier, who happens to have twin boys so she was very understanding. I gave her some Cheerios and she ate those quietly until it came time to pay. I had cash but as I was waiting for change, my lovely daughter decided it would be fun to pull apart the credit card machine and was not willing to let it go once I finished paying. I just told her no we don't do that and as I was leaving I had a lady give me a glance that was not very nice. I smiled and said, "What? Have you never been around a two year old?" She tried to rush by me but I beat her outside and she told me I needed to give my child a good "whupping" (her exact word!) and that would solve my problem. She said she did it to all five of her boys and they turned out fine (yeah...I bet). I was in total shock and couldn't think of a thing to say to her (without swearing in front of my child) I thought that was so incredibly rude and uncalled for. Besides, this trip to the store was mild compared to yesterday.


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## CheapPearls (Aug 7, 2007)

Wow rude woman! I really don't understand why people think they can just tell parents to just spank their kids, even if the parents are spankers that's uncalled for especially from a stranger!

Besides that, I'm glad your trip was a lot better. Hopefully things keep getting better for you!


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2Bugs* 
What about setting her in the back of the cart and handing her non-breakable items to load onto the conveyor belt? Both of my kids (2 1/2 and 4 1/2) love to help out with the loading.

My 4 1/2 yr old loves to help with the bagging at the other end, too,

ITA. Get them involved. And give them choices. The first times you get them involved, it will take you longer to shop. After a few tries, it takes a lot less time, because they are pre-occupied and as they get older, really helping.

My kids love shopping. From the time they could 1st eat, shopping was associated with a banana or apple, which they picked out as soon as we went into the store and they ate while we continued shopping.

A bit older and they could "help" with packages - basically holding them. So what if the cheerios box is a bit torn or soggy when you pay for it? Instead of "taking the items away" when checking out, get your kids involved by saying "now we have to pay, put it on the conveyor, and then you can have it back." 1st time they might scream for a minute, but after they realise cause and effect (goes on conveyor, child then gets item back) the problem is solved.

DS just turned 3 and now has his own mini cart he pushes around the store and I can tell him to get two cucumbers. Things he doesn't like, like tomatoes, go in my cart. If he picked something brushed or smashed, I just show him and say "Oh, look, it is smashed. Lets put it back and pick another one. Do you want this one or that one." That interaction takes longer then just doing it myself, but by taking the time to involve him, he is feeling good about contributing, he is learning how to pick "good" items, he gets a reason why something isn't right, and then a new choice.


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## Arielle (Jan 23, 2008)

We went thru this and it helped if I let my daughter put a couple of the lighter items on the belt. She also liked to see them bag our groceries, so I put her incharge of our reusable grocery bags, this distracts her a little.

Arielle


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Great suggestion about just going to the store, not buying, and waiting for the tantrum. I might try it. Actually I have to go to the store AGAIN (I usually only make one trip per week, we live in the country so going into town is usually a big deal) so I will see how it goes. Hopefully she will be great. I just have to have a positive attitude and it should pass off onto her...maybe!


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Oh mama,







All the eggs, that must have been soooo hard!

I remember a moment around this same age when I took DS to get the car worked on. All was fine and we were readying ourselves for a walk while the mechanic was going to get the car and then DS saw the mechanic get into our car and drive it into the bay... HE FLIPPED OUT. Completely lost it and I was stunned. The possessive thing can be so powerful for some kids and with some circumstances causing more problems that others. He grew out of it, and I remember I did some "playing mechanic" at home before the next time we went. I prepared him for all that would happen: We'll park the car, we'll go check in, the mechanic will take the car and drive it into the garage and when he's done, he'll give it back all fixed. The prep helped immensely at this age.

Perhaps you can play grocery store at home and practice taking the items out and giving them to the clerk, etc... she can be anybody she wishes and switch roles as much as she'd like, etc?

My .02 for what it's worth. Hang in there, grocery store ills are the worst worst worst! I have taken DS (7) to the grocery store VERY few times since he was about 4... when the gimmes started.









Em


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Well I have some semi-happy news. When we came to check-out, I gave her a $20 bill and said "Hold on to this for mommy and you can pay for the groceries. You are sooo big!" She smiled and I began un-loading the groceries. She started a meltdown and I reminded her of the money, she looked at it, stopped crying and waited patiently. I thought Woo HOO I solved the problem. When it came time to give the money to the cashier, she didn't want to! Oh great. I had to PRY the money from her to give to the cashier. She only screamed for a minute or two and then was fine. Hopefully it will be better with time! Thanks mamas for your help. Glad to know I am not the only one who experiences it. It just seems like I am the ONLY one with kid who has a meltdown when I am at the store. It is so embarrassing, but it will pass.


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## Blucactus (Nov 20, 2006)

No advice, just wanted to say I still haven't been grocery shopping with both boys myself & my youngest is 4 mo. Just to let you know other people find shopping with LOs HARD too.


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## Way Up North (Sep 15, 2007)

I haven't read all the responses, so excuse me if I repeat something!
Could she have a little grocery bag of her own to anticipate packing? That is the stuff has to go on the belt and be paid for and then she can pick some things to put in her bag to carry?
This might help her focus beyond the upsetting (to her) putting of the things out of HER cart on to the belt..?


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## ruhbehka (Nov 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Well I have some semi-happy news. When we came to check-out, I gave her a $20 bill and said "Hold on to this for mommy and you can pay for the groceries. You are sooo big!" She smiled and I began un-loading the groceries. She started a meltdown and I reminded her of the money, she looked at it, stopped crying and waited patiently. I thought Woo HOO I solved the problem. When it came time to give the money to the cashier, she didn't want to! Oh great. I had to PRY the money from her to give to the cashier. She only screamed for a minute or two and then was fine. Hopefully it will be better with time! Thanks mamas for your help. Glad to know I am not the only one who experiences it. It just seems like I am the ONLY one with kid who has a meltdown when I am at the store. It is so embarrassing, but it will pass.

I wonder if telling her that the cashier is going to "trade" her for lots more money might help her give up the $$?

Meaning, she gives the cashier a $20 bill, and the cashier will give her two dollar bills and a handful of change....


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Hmmm...there is an idea. Now I would just have to worry about her eating the change..would not want to dig though THAT diaper..


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Beneath the Rowan* 
I haven't read all the responses, so excuse me if I repeat something!
Could she have a little grocery bag of her own to anticipate packing? That is the stuff has to go on the belt and be paid for and then she can pick some things to put in her bag to carry?
This might help her focus beyond the upsetting (to her) putting of the things out of HER cart on to the belt..?

Just a little anecdote here to hopefully make the OP feel better. (Practical advice: if you do this, definitely make it a bag that is yours.)

One of the grocery stores near our house has little "kiddy carts" for the kids to shop with (and true fact from the manager: they are little money makers 'cause parents will often buy what the kids put in them whether they are on the grocery list or not). Anyways I had this theory that the kiddy carts were great and we should use them to make the shopping fun for us both.

I bet you can see what's coming. My son fell in love with the cart itself and threw a major meltdown when we had to leave it there. And for months howled with rage whenever we went near there. I had to switch stores. (And yes I did get him his own cart at home, but it is not as cool as the "real" ones.)


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## Way Up North (Sep 15, 2007)

Oh no! It is for this reason we have never used the cool race car cart at the store. Exactly!

L


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
She will learn to be quiet and still -- when she's old enough! But at 22 months, she's not old enough.









:

It sounds like shifting your shopping to evenings when your DH is home is an option for you, and doing that now doesn't mean you'll have to do that forever -- it just means that you're giving your DD a break from a stressful, unpleasant experience, and that you can revisit it with her in a few months when she's older and might be able to tolerate it better.

It'll probably take her the same amount of time to learn to be quiet and still either way, except in Scenario A (continuing to take her with you every time) you both have to go through something quite unpleasant regularly until she matures enough to gain those skills, and in Scenario B (shopping alone for 2-3 months and then trying again) you both get a break from the unpleasantness while she matures enough to gain those skills.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Yeah, I am going for option 2 on this one. I have all but given up. I am waiting until my hubby gets home and then going by myself. I think of it as a mini vacation for myself at least. I can concentrate and I might even be able to have an adult conversation...even if it is about the price of steak


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
I think of it as a mini vacation

Me too! If anyone ever told me that I'd regard shopping alone as a gift to myself, I would have laughed and yet... I can count on one hand how many times I've taken DS to the grocery store in the last several years.

You know, I was thinking also it's just one of those "things" that becomes "a thing." Does that make sense at all? Like, sometimes DS just gets into a certain habit because it happened once, maybe I reacted and then it becomes "a thing." Maybe a break from the shopping routine will allow you to revisit doing it together at some later time?

Best to you mom and have fun on your "vacation."









Em


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Embee: Yes, I just came back from my "vacation" It was great. And yes I totally understand it is just a thing now. I will try again sometime...maybe


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

I had to get some stuff for a baby shower I am hosting so I had to take the kidlets with me. When we approached the dreaded checkout line, I just began unloading my stuff like a madwoman. My daughter started wigging out, and I began counting the items to make sure I had everything. All of a sudden, she stopped, looked at me and started counting too! We counted all the items and then re-counted them (the lady in line ahead of me had about two billion coupons!) but it worked! Who would have thought..COUNTING! I am sooo excited!


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Sometimes things just appear seemingly out of thin air, no? It's times like these you just gotta laugh at how EASY a thing can distract from the most momentous wiggy moment!

I'm really happy for you!


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## Julian's Momma (Oct 25, 2006)

I can relate! I also went through this recently with my 19 mo old DS. I could not even get in and out of Walmart for a pack of diapers without a total fiasco occurring.

I began to dread shopping trips and was so frustrated.

At the advice of a friend, I dusted off my old Ergo Carrier that I stopped using a while back. I now backcarry while shopping and he loves it. He will sit patiently for 45 minutes or even more back there as there is so much for him to see and loves being carried by momma.

I know you have another little one, but if they are contented riding in the cart, perhaps you could try it. It saved me and I am so excited to be babywearing again. I forgot how much we both enjoy it!

Good luck!


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## alllyssa (Sep 1, 2004)

That's what the candy in the check out isle is for - a yummy treat at the end of the trip is just what we both need


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

My son never went through this phase, but he went through different ones.

What is it about groceries that sets off such weird phobias? LOL.

My suggestion would be to make some trips to the store where you only get a few items. Hold her close up on your hip and explain to her that you have to pay for the stuff, so you're going to hand it to the cashier, she's going to swipe it (insert cute sound effects) and then she will hand it back to you.

Then if you just have a few items, you don't have to have a conveyor belt involved, you just hand the items to the cashier and she hands them right back.

Would that maybe help her? You'd have to make several small trips before working your way up, probably.

Hope that helps. My DS started freaking out at about that age and then just as suddenly, it was over with. She is at an age where she needs something to do while you shop, though, it seems like. It was around this age that DS started opening and snacking on items in the cart before we paid.


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