# Please help me get through this



## TappinMamma (Dec 24, 2002)

Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital so my baby can be born still. As if loosing your prescious baby isn't bad enough, being induced into labor to give birth to a baby you know has died is the worst I can imagine. Please tell me how to get through this. If you could say a prayer that labor will be quick and as pain-free as possible, I'd appreciate it.


----------



## LyndaB (Apr 8, 2003)

I am so sorry you are having to go through this--it is definitely awful. I will keep you in my prayers for a quick and painless delivery and for peace within.


----------



## Ellie'sMom (Aug 10, 2002)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no advice, but I know there are mamas here who have been through this and they will chime in.

Lots of healing thoughts and prayers are coming your way


----------



## srain (Nov 26, 2001)

I'm so sorry- I hope your birth goes as well as it possibly could. Some mothers want to birth their stillborns as naturally as possible. I, on the other hand, desperately wanted an epidural, but my midwife inentionally prevented me from getting one (just because she personally doesn't like them). Don't let anyone bully you into anything you don't want, and make sure you have someone there (partner/ friends/ relatives/ SOMEONE) to help you stick up for yourself.


----------



## weebitty2 (Jun 16, 2004)

Oh Sarah ... *HUGS* I'm so sorry you're going through this, mama, you're in our thoughts .. And remember, if you need company, hugs, or just a shoulder, I'm only a town away.

~heidi~


----------



## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

I am so sorry for your loss. There are quite a few mommas here who have gone through what you are going through. My daguhter died last year and I have found an amazing circle of support here on the boards. You and your child are in my prayers.
Gossamer


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

I am so sorry that your baby will be born still.

Of course, this is a nightmare and you will *somehow* get through it.

What I can suggest to you is that you think now about what you want to do with your baby when you have him or her.

*Bring a camera (with extra film and batteries) and take pics of your baby- clothed and unclothed so you can see her body after tomorrow- at least in pictures.

*Do you want to dress her in her own clothes? You will need preemie outfits if you're not full term.

*Do you want any family or friends to be there with you to hold your baby and to help you through your birth process?

*As far as the labor, if you want pain medication, you may want to stay away from Demorol, Stadol and those types of drugs because they will make you feel really out of it and you will already be feeling "out of it" as it is.

I gave birth to my son last December and my labor began after I found out that he had died. It was extremely quick and not pain-free (what labor is?), but I felt so moved by the power of being able to give birth to him that I now see the pain as another gift that he's given me. I don't know if that makes sense.

You will be in my heart mama.


----------



## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

My son was stillborn on 3/17 of this year. I wish I had some magical words that will help you get through this, but most of the time...I still don't completely know how I managed to birth my son.

What I can tell you are things that I'm very thankful for but didn't even realize they were happening at the time (SweetTeach mentioned some of these as well):

- I didn't want many people at the hospital...now I wish I would have let anyone who wanted to come, COME. I had two friends, my mother, my BIL, and of course my husband. Having the experience with these people and allowing them to hold my son as well, as help them to understand what I am enduring.

- Pictures. I don't even remember my BIL or the hospital taking pictures while I was holding my son. Despite my sadness, I absolutely cherish those pictures.

- Get as many mementos as you can....hair, outfit, blanket, id tag, hospital records, etc.

- Make sure that there is some sign that indicates your dealing with a loss for the employees. There is nothing worse than having someone ask about your newborn bouncing baby.

- Ignore their cell phone policies if you want to call multiple people to be a part of any ceremony, etc at the hospital. I don't recall this but I demanded that my MIL be called while we were having the blessing.

- Take as much time with your child as you want. I had such a fear that I wouldn't be willing to give my son back that I sometimes think I didn't hold him long enough. Although, I probably would never have a feeling like I held him long enough.

I'm so sorry for your loss!


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss mama...sorry that you are having to go through this.
I agree with SweetTeach and Wilkers...ditto, ditto....
The only thing I have to add is make sure that you get everything you want before your son or daughter is taken to the funeral home. If he/she is going to be cremated...you must request these things before the funeral homes takes your baby.

I didn't ask for my daughters things, I ASSUMED, they would give them to me later...she was cremated with her dress, bracelets, etc...

Again...I am sorry !!!


----------



## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this.















You and your baby will be in my thoughts.


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Quote:

- Take as much time with your child as you want. I had such a fear that I wouldn't be willing to give my son back that I sometimes think I didn't hold him long enough. Although, I probably would never have a feeling like I held him long enough.
In total agreement!!!

Quote:

The only thing I have to add is make sure that you get everything you want before your son or daughter is taken to the funeral home. If he/she is going to be cremated...you must request these things before the funeral homes takes your baby.
This is also sooo important. Ah...I'm getting so sad.


----------



## weebitty2 (Jun 16, 2004)

Thinking of you today mama ..


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss. I second what all the other ladies here have said. Pictures are so important. Don't let any one make you feel like you have to do anything, or like you can't do anything. I wish I could go back and not ask for an epidural with Arawyn, but at the time I was in so much pain I just couldn't do it alone. If I would have known labor was only going to last another half hour I would have waited. I shook so badly from the epidural that I had to wait 20 minutes to hold my daughter for fear that I would hurt her in some way. I also couldn't get up and rock her or bathe her like I wanted to, because I couldn't stand. I also wish I would have demanded that my mother stay with my son. As a result of her leaving to take him to my FIL she wasn't there with me when I delivered, and Ds didnt' get to see his sister until her funeral. I asked that some one go get him so he could see her, but no one would. I am also going to second them on demand as much time as you want with your baby. I can remember telling the nurses that I wasn't going to give them my baby until my SIL arrived. I had been holding her for three hours, but it seemed very important that my SIL see her. I am now very glad that she did as she is one more person who remembers how beautiful my daughter was, and how it felt to hold her.

I will be thinking of you and your baby this week. I hope that your labor and delivery are a quick and painfree as possible. I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## julielp (Jul 16, 2004)

I also agree with everyone. Pictures and momentos are precious. I had no idea what was going on when i went into labor and pictures were the last thing on my mind. The nurses took pictures for me but i don't have any of myself and my baby or the baby with his father. Also I only got to see and hold my baby for about 5 min. My fiance's father came in and took him which was very upsetting. I had been put to sleep and so the rest of my family was w/ him for about 30 min before i woke up. But knowing that my family and his father's family were there to see him did help them to understand that he was real. My sister went to the funneral home and took pictures of him and of the grave side service. I wouldn't have thought of that. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. good luck and my thoughts are with you


----------



## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

My best friend miscarried her twins st 23 weeks. One of the mementos that she cherishes is the molds that they made of the babies' hands and feets. You can see how perfectly formed those little fingers and toes are.
Our hospital also has a nurse that has had specialized training in helping moms go through the grief of losing their baby. She is awesome resource. You might want to check with your hospital about the availability of this or an infant loss support group in your area.
McLisa
Maddie 2/12/01
Ellysia 4/24/03
m/c (Nathan) 7/25/04


----------



## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

((((((( Sarah )))))) I am so sorry for your loss.









I will hold your whole family in prayer tonight as well. Do you have a circle of people to support you and your other children in this time?

thinking of you mama,

mb


----------



## BinahYeteirah (Oct 15, 2002)




----------



## jan229 (Aug 5, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I had to be induced myself and gave birth to my still daughter at 22 weeks (July 4th) I had said I wanted no pain relief as somehow I wanted to suffer too. That quickly went out of the window and I ended up having everything on offer. When she was born I turned to my husband and said - I feel at peace now - this feels really peaceful. I actually mistook that feelin - it was overwhelming love - make sure you do as others have suggested - I treasure my foot prints and hand prints - I look at them and kiss them loads.

You are in my thoughts
xx


----------



## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I hope that everything went as well as possible.







s


----------



## shai (Aug 10, 2004)

I know that you had already had your baby, the same day that I gave birth to my little Isaiah. They are probably having a grand time together









I also wish that I wouldve known that the things that Ive been reading.

I wish I had more time with him. I couldnt bear to hold him any longer, b/c my heart longed for him and to see him there with no movement was hurting me even more. I was glad to find out that hubby did hold him for about an hour after he was born. I was able to hold him later on that morning. I only could stand to hold his little self for about 10-15 minutes. The hospital was WONDERFUL!!! They took 2 pictures of Isaiah, he looked gorgeous! They took his footprints and gave me some momentos and put it in a keepsake box. They also gave me his blanket that they wrapped him in, it still has blood stains on it, but the smell of the blanket is heavenly.

My mom got tos ee him, she didnt want to hold him, she was trying to be brave for me. My children did not see him until they saw the pictures.

I wish that i had more time with him, that is one thing that i wish I could do over.


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Wow, what a sad *happy*? coincidence that Isaiah and Elijah were born on the same day.

shai, I think we all felt like we didn't spend enough time with our sweet babies. If we could do it over, they wouldn't have died in the first place.


----------

