# It's our fault I'm sure..



## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I'm sure James' behavior is our fault.

He throws tantrum after tantrum after tantrum for the most piddly stuff. I'm sure it's because he doesn't have any room to roam, but there isn't anything I can do about it...









Our apartment is so small, we've decluttered and rearranged so that he has room to play but he can't burn off any energy...

The city stopped paying for DH's family membership to the rec center and we can't afford one...I can't take him outside because 1) Our apartment complex isn't safe, I don't feel comfortable having him outside playing and 2) It's too cold for the baby...DH can't take him out when he gets home from work because it's 5:00 and supper time and getting dark already.

There is no free gym thing I can let him play at. The closest mall with a play place is over an hour away. There is no indoor playground, heck, my town only has 1 outdoor playground. All we have is Wal-Mart and a grocery store.









I don't know what to do, his behavior is horrible. He throws tantrums over something every day...he never wants to leave when we go to someones house that is bigger...he cries the whole way home and says he doesn't want to go home.

We can't move. We can't afford anything bigger. We can barely afford this.

The only person that can take him and let him play at their house is my MIL and due to other issues we can't let him go out there alone, and I can't go out there with him because I'm allergic to smoke (They heat with a wood stove, the wood smoke makes me sick). No one else can help with him because of their schedules.

There are no play date or anything around here and even if I started one there is no where to hold it.

How do I let him get the 'busy' time he needs? I think it will help with his behavior so much.

I think this is a GD issue because we're having to get on him constantly for the tantrums, and I suspect they are because he's too cooped up.














:


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## delphiniumpansy (Mar 1, 2007)

It is not too cold for the baby. Think about all the people who live way further north than you who get out daily. Bundle her up and wear her close to you and go for walks. Find some nature if you can and go for exploratory walks. Sounds like he needs this daily. It will help.


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## Hesperia (Sep 3, 2007)

If you honestly think that his behaviour is due to engery get outside. Bundle up, go out 3 times a day for 10 minutes or so. It isn't too cold. Hold baby in a sling and share your body heat, and your son will be running, jumping, playing etc too keep warm.

Turn on music and dance for 30 minutes in the house. Jumping up and down can happen in one spot. It doesn't take much to get your dance on!

5:00pm, sure seems late this time of year, but it really would be beneficial to push back dinner by 30 minutes. Have snacks before DH gets home, then get everyone out of the house for an evening walk (baby too, fresh air does everyone good). This will help get that extra energy out before bed and maybe help him sleep better, which also might have something to do with the tantrums.

You also might think of boredom. Maybe he is just so bored being at home all day (you busy with the baby, cooking etc) that he is acting out. Get him involved as much as you can, go to walmart on the weekend and pick out some cheap cookware, an apron, etc and have it somewhere special for your DS when you are cooking.

Also, look at diet. Is there a pattern of when he acts out, and what he is eating and when? Is he hungry? Too much sugar?? I'd start a little diary of his sleep, tantrums, food intact, liquid intake, and things that set him off. This might help you understand it better.

When my day is rough, which is often, I get outside fast. Even if they are still crying, we just get our gear on (lots of it) and go out. The smiles come back as soon as the air hits our cheeks. Really changes the whole day around. There have been times, where lunch is ready, a nap is needed, we are cranky, and I drop everything for 10 minutes outside. The lunch is pushed back, but they eat well, the nap is moved by a few moments, but when they lay down it is bliss. Seriously. Magic.

Hope you find something that helps James, and everyone else involved!!

ETA: also look at your stress, and the time of year. Is he feeding off you more now than ever?? Try to do things together to relax. How about a mid-day bath when the baby is sleeping, or heck, bring the baby in the bathroom too. Get in together and have some fun with water play.


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## Equuskia (Dec 16, 2006)

There's no McD or Burger King where you live? So that at least you could get a cup of coffee while he plays? Is there any way to turn your house into a jungle..let him climb over sofas, under tables, hide animal pictures and have a safari, or a easter egg hunt type thing? PLEASE don't send him to your MIL's house. I already read your posts about her and your SIL and the last thing you need is more behavioral problems.


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

I completely agree about the getting outside thing, as much as possible. Babies are fine in the cold, if bundled up next to mama. If your apartment complex isn't safe, drive someplace that is. Go to the playground or just go to another, safer neighborhood and walk aorund,

Getting out of the house each and every day is VITAL to us. It really is necessary for everyone's health and well-being. Fresh air and exercise does us all world of good. Really. After just 2 days of being cooped up inside, and we all tend to go a little stir-crazy. It is totally worth the effort to get outside, even in cold weather.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

I gott'a tell ya, and I mean it with everything in me...when NOTHING else works, we go outdoors...OUTSIDE SAVES MY SANITY. Seroiusly. Try. I grew up in upstate NY, I don't know where you live but we were out year 'round. Bundle the babe up & let that little man run!
















Hang in there, toddler boys CAN be challenging!!


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## butterfly_mommy (Oct 22, 2007)

I worked in childcare in the infant room and we were mandated to take the infants outside twice a day for at least 20 minutes unless the weather was colder then -15 Celsius (5 Fahrenheit) or with wind chill felt colder then -15 Celsius (5 Fahrenheit) and these were babies who were pushed in triple strollers not worn on us (unfortunately) They were fine. When I worked in the toddler room and preschool room and it was too cold to go outside it really affected the children and there ability to self regulate. So I agree with everyone else get outside at least once a day. We used to go out in the morning before lunch and nap and then again in the afternoon.


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## tashaharney (Feb 19, 2007)

nak

i hate being out in the cold, so i take ds to target or walmart and let him run around a little there. i try to go during the least busy times of the day, we dont buy anything, we just walk around and look at stuff. (we do avoid the toy aisles tho.







)

the grocery store's cool, too. we walk around and name the things we see. ds especially likes the produce section. i get some weird looks for actually interacting with my kid, i guess most folks around here don't talk to their littles while they shop.

i like the mcD's idea, too. you dont actually have to eat there, just go and let that boy burn his energy!

hth, mama. wintertime is so difficult!


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Thanks mama's. My grandma gave us a gift card to Hy-vee so we can buy him some winter boots (I kept meaning to buy him some for Christmas and kept spacing it off...till there was no money). I'm in Iowa...it's been bitter biting cold lately. Wind chill in the single digits or else we were buried under an inch of ice (literally...an inch of ice, branches and power lines down EVERYWHERE).

We have a Dairy Queen play place, I've taken him there three times and he refuses to play in there, he's afraid of it because it's all enclosed.

It's been rough the last couple weeks because DH's car broke down so I've been without a vehicle...as DH has had to take mine to work. We're hoping to get DH's car fixed this week though.

5:00 is too late here, it's dark by then...or near dark. No way I'm playing in my apt complex at night...

I'm racking my brain for places to play...there isn't much, the park but I'm fairly sure they close it down/don't maintain it during the winter....the only other option would be the schools...which are obviously off limits during the day. My town is not very kid friendly...we have 1 park that I would go near, the other is a known hang out for druggies and I'd be too afraid of him finding needles (it's happened before).


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Any chance there might be some cool local playgroups?


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Not that I know of, I belive there is a MOPS group but I don't know how well I'd fit in there, plus I think there are dues.

Hmmm...

My town is pretty kid-unfriendly...the coffee shop used to be good for him to roam around in, burn off some energy (they had a color table and a few toys) but they changed owners and now it's NOT kid friendly at all. Glass stuff everywhere, glass furniture...etc.

I guess we can try playing outside at our apts for a while...we'll just go inside if the scary people come around...they've been scarce since it got cold...no fun to sit out on the picnic bench and drink and smoke starting at 8am.


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## MAMom (Mar 24, 2005)

On the days we can't get outside, my very active DS loves doing his kids yoga DVD (there are lots of them out there, we have this one), doing "energy bursts" (something DH made up - basically jumping jacks - sometimes we do them together) and jumping on our mini indoor trampoline.

=================
Mama to DS 5/03 & DD 2/06 (HBAC!)





























: ICAN


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
I'm racking my brain for places to play...

Check some of the neighborhoods where you live. A lot of places where we live have toddler parks for the people that live there, but they could care less if other people use them. We have a tot play area right behind our house, but sometimes, for a change, we will head to other neighborhood playgrounds that are bigger and better than ours.

Also, how about a library? My kids love going to the library and they usually offer free programs for kids.

As for indoors, how about jumping and wrestling and doing gymnastics on the bed? My kids jump on the bed everyday and get totally exhausted! Today, my DS tied a playsilk around his neck, brought the step stool into my room and jumped from the stool to the bed to pretend like he was flying like superman.


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

We go to walmart all the time to let the kids walk around.


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## HoneymoonBaby (Mar 31, 2004)

Are you on the first floor? Could you buy a small jogging trampoline (they make them with safety handles now) for him to bounce on? What about that new kids' "exercise bike" that hooks up to the TV? I know they are widely mocked here, but in a situation like yours with a small space, cold weather and a new baby, it might be a solution ... I know I considered it (we have a lot more options for indoor play, though, so I decided against it).


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## Terrilein (Jan 9, 2007)

Not that I'm religious or anything, but what about your local church? Surely they must have some group to meet up with other moms and kids?


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I'm trying to say this gently but why can't dh take your ds out at 5?

Could you eat just a little later? Maybe have an afternoon snack?

I did it with my kids all the time. Nothing exciting. We would go to a parking lot that wasn't used at night and he'd play in the snowbanks. There were no snowplows around of course







We do have a yard but we liked to walk to burn energy.

Reflective clothing and flashlights are good.

When my oldest was young I found it hard to take both out as well so I'd wait until dh came home (around 5) and take oldest ds out in the evening.

ETA: I have a size 4 snowsuit that I was going to send to Goodwill. Would it fit James? PM me if you are interested. I used to have baby snowsuits but mine have all been passed on. I could look around though. We have cold winters here too.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Can he do any kind of physical play inside the house? On days when we're rained or snowed in, the kids use the sofa as a climbing toy- flipping from the back of the sofa onto the seat and then to the floor, run around to the back of the sofa and repeat. Sometimes I have DS run laps around the sofa- running, or hopping, or walking backwards, crawling, etc.- we make it into a game.


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## straighthaircurly (Dec 17, 2005)

Don't focus on finding a park or a playground outside, just go out and explore. Winter is an especially fun time to look at ice formations, run/slide on the ice, smash icicles, lay down on your tummy and study ice or snow crystals, climb snow banks, study tracks (people, dogs, squirrels, etc), the list goes on. The baby is fine outdoors even in the cold. When my son was 4 months old we used to walk an 1.5 from work with him bundled in a jogging stroller with hot water bottles under the blankets. Wind chill doesn't matter except to exposed skin so don't let that scare you, just dress for it. If you have a sewing machine it is really easy to make fleece neck gators for the whole family from scraps of fleece...put on long underwear, lined pants or even 2 pairs of pants if that is all you have, and layer, layer, layer.








You are correct in thinking that getting outside is a key component for your son. There are a lot of studies now showing a link between lack of outdoor time and ADHD as well as other behavior issues.

Well, gotta go get ready to take the 4 year old out cross country skiing (he's actually getting good enough that my toes won't freeze


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## auntiehallie (Apr 25, 2005)

i'm sure you're right about not getting outside, because that is a total joy kill for me as a nanny. when i can't get the kids outside, they bounce off the walls and drive me up them.







:

the tantrums can be defused, though, even if you can't get out (we all have days when we can't do what we like) and i think if you want to stay sane, dealing with the communication/tantrum issue will pay you back as well as finding a solution to the outdoor access conundrum... and i agree that babies nearly never freeze to death when you're wearing them - even if you're both underdressed by some misfortunate accident.

here's how most of tantrums i see start:

child: i want [insert thing or activity here]

parent/caregiver: [long or short-winded version of 'no']

child: [repeats earlier statement while ramping up to a fit]

parent/cg: [longer version of 'no']

child: [spontaneously combusts]

note how both parties are saying the same thing and getting nowhere. here's my trick for short-circuiting the explosion.

child: i want [thing/activity]

me: you want [repeats child's request]?

child: yes, i want [whatever].

me: boy, don't we both wish you could have that.

child: i want [impossible thing]!

me: yes, i heard you. hmm. let me think. let me think for a minute and see what i can do.

child: [mildly confused by accommodation]

me: i'm not sure we can do/you can have [x]. but i think we can do [y] because of [a, b or c.]

child: (gratefully) we can??

me: yes, i surely hope so. or we shall both go insane.

the short version of the above, once they get used to the idea of being heard, is to just repeat the last thing they said, when they ask for something. before you respond, make sure they understand that they have been heard. most of the time, i think they just don't believe that they got it across. once they believe you heard and really considered their request, they can calm themselves down. but really, not feeling heard winds anyone up; not just short people.


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## BMG580 (Jun 19, 2007)

How about a local library? Most libraries have children designated areas and even weekly story times.

As for the tantrums, I'm sure you are right about him needing to expend more energy outside. We have also found that sometimes my daughter needs a break, not to be confused with a time out. We model taking breaks for her too. We all need to step back and cool off/unwind sometimes when our emotions are overtaking us and helping a little one learn that it is OK to feel upset and also OK to step out of the fray and find ways to calm down and regain some control. My daughter at 2 1/2 will actually ask to take a break when she is feeling out of control and she will either choose to sit quietly in a chair in the living room or go up to her room for a couple minutes. She will work a puzzle or read a story. The emphasis on it being OK for her to feel upset and frustrated and working through those feelings in a reasonable way has worked wonders for our household harmony. Good luck!

I agree with everyone else that a well-bundled baby is fine outside. My daughter plays outside every single day unless it is cooler than 20 degrees F, and sometimes we even go out for a short 10 minute walk if it is colder than that. She looks like Randy, the little brother, from A Christmas Story when we have those cold days because she is so bundled up but if we don't get outside by the afternoon she gets crazy and whiny.

We also have one of those tiny exercise trampolines and it is GREAT for little kids to burn energy on. And have you seen those Bilibo toys? They are great for burning energy inside. My DD will spin around on the floor for long periods of time playing with it.

Good luck!


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Can you drop dh off at work and then have the car a couple times a week?
Find someone in your Tribe Area
Go outside! Bundle that baby up, wear her in a sling or some other carrier if you can (if not, wrap her up good!), and just let the boy explore. You may think I don't understand what cold is, but believe me I do. As do several of the other mamas that have responded. Just get out and try it.

As for avoiding parks w/ shady characters, don't let them run your life. I like to believe that MOST ppl, no matter how shady, will leave a mother and her children alone. I'd prefer to have a little faith in humanity and make sure I'm alert and very aware of my surroundings.

Is there a mall not to far away? I'd drive an hour to go to a nice park or a mall and let the kids just walk or run. I live in a city where gangs are rampant. (Where aren't they, though?) If I don't like the way the parks look, I WILL go and I HAVE gone to another town an hour away because their parks are cleaner. There are gangs and meth labs there, too, but at least the parks look better and don't have scrubby ppl hanging around 24/7.

Take him to the school playgrounds after hours. School's out at 3 PM, kids are off the bus around 3:30. That's an hour and a half before 5 PM.


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

(this is a copy of an old post of mine, hope some of it helps!)
Our son is sensory seeking also. It helps if I connect with him first thing in
the morning and create some type of body compression. We have a few
sensory games that we have created:

"choo-choo train" is when he lies on the bed and I "row" his feet like
a bicycle and we chuga-chuga-choo-choo (he does the train whistle
sound) and we repeat that over and over for about 5 minutes. The
engagement, physical motion and my participatory resistance/driving of
his legs back and forth provides a lot of sensory input in a
non-impact way.

Another is "pillow mash"-again he lies on the bed and I place a pillow
on top of his chest and firmly "aggitate" the pillow in a jiggling
motion and say "pillow mash, pillow mash", repeatedly. This provides
input to his chest.

And another one is "salt shaker", again he lies on the bed, and I hold
both legs up and "shake salt" out of him. He is sorta upside down
(legs up in the air, body on the bed), which gives input of vibrating
his head and back on the firm mattress.

Another is "burrito"-where he is wrapped tightly in a blanket and
rolled side to side repeatedly.

Another is "sack of potatoes" when he climbs in a pillow case and I
lift him up and down from the floor.

We also do "row-row-row-your boat" where we both lie on the trampoline
with full body contact and roll across the surface back and forth,
singing row-row-row-your boat. The total body compression is very
calming for him.

We have his bed mattress and box springs on the floor. So, he'll go up
to his room and bounce and jump for sensory input too.

Oh, also he loves to stand in place and jump up to reach my hands
above his head. This is helpful when waiting in line, where he is
restless, but needs contained activity. It creates jumping, reaching
and a goal/game aspect.

Another is where I hold my hands together palm to palm and move them
up and down and he tries to clap them with his hands. Again, this is
great for when out and about and he has too much energy for the space
limitations. A variant of this is where he tries to "give five" while
I pull my hands back quickly. These can be used to constructively
engage other people in the "game" also, which might free you up for
short periods.

He also loves to play in the sink with LOTS of soap, that seems to be
very soothing to him (but messy). Some kids really seek multiple baths
a day and having that planned before and/or mid-visit may allow a
connecting time with you; and a recentering activity, enough to make
it a longer night.

So, if we are going to have a lot of sensory stimuli like a cacophony
of sounds from a crowded party, we proactively do these games for 15
minutes several times throughout the day. It helps if we are very
careful to avoid dairy, HFCS and artificial colors which decrease his
ability to hear and consider other's needs. We try to plan activities
for earlier in the day, plan some outside play time, especially
swinging. Big tight, long hugs help in the midst of chaos to recenter.
We also freely use Rescue Remedy (and/or Cherry Plum) Bach flower
remedies before (and during) high stress situations.

I ran across this other comprehensive list of ideas for sensory
activities:http://www.coping.org/intervention/s...nsintegact.htm

It probably helps to practice some of these games so that they are
fun, known and can be anticipated. Perhaps, make a list, or place a
name of each game on a piece of paper and have her choose one from a
jar to play with you or others.

I have another list of activities that I'll send. Most of these can be done indoors, or improvised like with a pile of couch cushions, pillows; blankets over a table to make a tent to provide for crawling. All of these provide for deep pressure body contact and that could help. Also, "obstacle courses": climbing over the couch, run back and forth, bounce on the bed (our mattress is on the floor, etc.). Any chance you have space for a JumpOLene? We had this one: http://www4.shopping.com/xPC-Jump-O-...ble-Jump-O-Gym Also, there are a bunch of ideas for physical kids in this thread: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=balance

Pat


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

Here are some more:

Sensory Activities
Here is a another list of various sensory activities that child(ren)
may enjoy and benefit from. I am copying this from
ShineWithUnschooling. I find that proactively offering and engaging
our son with some of these sensory inputs really helps when we
have/had a busy day. If we have too much unfamiliar stimuli, he needs
a break to recenter with some of these soothing activities. Or
else......meltdown!

==========
CALMING ACTIVITIES:
Experiences that may help to relax the nervous system

* Stretches
* Deep pressure massage
* Slow rocking or swinging
* Fidget toys
* Progressive muscle relaxation
* Quite music with a steady beat
* Bear hugs
* Reduced noise and light levels
* Lavender, vanilla or other soothing smells
* Snuggling in a sleeping bag, large pillows or bean bag chair

>>>

ORGANIZING ACTIVITIES:
Experiences that can help an individual become focused and attentive

*Sucking or chewing on hard candy or gum
* Adding rhythm to the activity
* Vibration-toy massager, vibrating pillow, wiggle pen
* 'Heavy work' tasks to include hanging, pushing, pulling or carrying
heavy objects

Similarly:

To organize
*Swinging on a swing or climbing
* Rhythmical sustained movement: marching, washing a table, or bouncing
* Rocking in a rocking chair
* "Squeezie" toys (koosh balls, balloons or rubber gloves filled with
flour or cream, soft balls, gak, silly putty)
* Hanging by the arms on the monkey bars (20-30 seconds)
* Pushing/carrying heavy objects
* Carrying back packs weighted with books or bags of dried beans (this
should only be worn for 15-20 minutes with an hour or two between)
*A reading corner with a bean bag chair makes a wonderful place for
escape when there is too much stimulation. Some children may like the
bean bag on top of them.
* Play dough
* Tactile Bins (cornmeal, oatmeal, water, sand, rice, beans)
** A bin full of bird seed (brought outside) is merrily cleaned up by
the birdies -- no mess! :')
* Kitchen time (mixing, tasting, smelling, washing up)
* Finger painting

Some children also need extra sensory input in their mouths and hands
in order to organize their behavior:

* Drinking from a water bottle
* Chewing (you can use a straw, rubber tubing or coffee stir stick)

>>>

* Being brushed with a corn de-silking brush (in one direction
approximately 10 times with pressure brush their arms, back (but not
over the spine), legs (on the top, outer parts and underneath, avoid
the inner thigh area), top of the feet and the hands)
* Sucking on hard candy, frozen fruit bar, or spoonful of peanut
butter or marshmallow fluff
* Licorice tug-of-war, blow pin wheels or various types of blow toys,
bubbles and whistles
* Pushing against walls with the hands, shoulders, back, buttocks and head
* Cuddling or back rubbing
* Taking a bath
* Being rolled tightly like a hot dog in a blanket
* Being squished under a therapy ball, mat or couch cushion
* Tug-of-war
* Wheelbarrow walking, jumping games like hop scotch
* Crashing games-run and dive into boxes, bean bags and couch cushions
* Pulling a wagon, carrying a heavy book bag, digging in the yard or
carrying groceries
* Sports such as wrestling and football
* Deep pressure (giving a massage) and joint compressions (holding
above one joint and under one joint then doing a quick 10 repetitions
of compressions, pushing and pulling)
* A mini trampoline
* A sockem bopper or whatever they call those weighted kid-sized
things that spring back up after you knock them down

Oh, and going outside to blow bubbles is my cure-all. I always have
bubbles in the car for "emergencies" too.

Pat


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

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## gabysmom617 (Nov 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
...

We have a Dairy Queen play place, I've taken him there three times and he refuses to play in there, he's afraid of it because it's all enclosed. ...

So, by "all enclosed", exactly what do you mean? Because my child was afraid to play at the kids playplaces and things like that because he was leery of the tunnels and stuff.

But then I had a friend visit me with her little one, and she pointed out to me that the playplaces were for children AND parents. We took the kiddies to Chuck E. Cheese's and she convinced me to go through the tunnels and slides and stuff. I felt quite ridiculous and it took me a good 15-20 minutes to get past the "omg, people are looking at me...the manager is about to come and tell us we're going to break this thing!!" thing I had going on in my mind. After that, it was quite delightful. My little one was happy to have me going through those tunnels with him.

The next time we went to a playplace, he was a tad bit leery again. Being that this one wasn't quite so out in the open and it was empty except for us, it was easier for me to get past myself enough to climb through the tunnels with him.

That's all it took. Those 2 times of me going with him in there to convince him it was safe, and now he loves it. Playplaces are excellent for venting the energetic toddler. (I'm guessing that this is what you meant about your local dairy queen. And I haven't read all the replies yet, so pardon me if some one already said it.)

You can also get yourself a baby pouch and a babywearing coat and wrap up and go outside. (I just got back from doing exactly that just now...)

Just some suggestions.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

WuWei (Pat), What an awesome couple of posts!! Thank you!! I'm going to do those things w/ my ds.


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## swellmomma (Jan 1, 2004)

Why would school playgrounds be off limits during the day? Around here at least prechoolers and homeschooler's use school parks during school hours. We just don't go during recess/lunch time. I don't like going outside in the cold, nor do I like tking hte baby out in it if I can help it, and winters get darn cold here, but I find other things to do. So we walk the mall, or go to a mcd's indoor playland,play games like leap frog or simon says,follow a workout video(they make ones just for kids), dance, I've even been known to put an inch of water in teh tub, have them sit on their bums and push themselves from one end to the next sliding on thier bums (this is fun when I have 3 out of 4 resting and 1 that needs to be active without waking the others). If on an 2nd or higher floor of the apt complex, let him go up and down the stairs a few times. What about a gymnastics class or something? I am a single mom but my kids can take lots of sports because I put in man power rather than $$. SO gymnastics for example, I clean teh entire gym, it takes 6-8 hours, for each time I do it one of my kids can attend for free for that semester. That's a savings of $150 for only 6-8 hours of work. I bring baby with me and bf her as needed while I do it. Alot of places will waive fees, allow a payment schedule, or reduced rates, you just have to ask, that will get you guys out of the hosue and give him somethign physical to do.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I wish I could take DH to work...but he has to be there at 5am and the kids would NOT go to sleep when we got home, we've tried this a couple times. James was exhausted and grumpy by 9am but refused to nap.

We'll try walks...I hate the cold







but I have a poofy coat so it should be okay for 15 mins or so and don't have snow boots so I'll just have to stand and watch if he plays in the snow. We tried playing on the school play ground early this year (forgot they were back in session) and the principal came and yelled at me.









We'll do the running in the halls on days where it's simply too cold (for me, I'm a wimp) to be outside.

We got some Christmas money so we should be able to get a battery for DH's car, and my mom got him some snow boots *YAY* can't get any for me because we don't have the same size foot.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
Not that I know of, I belive there is a MOPS group but I don't know how well I'd fit in there, plus I think there are dues.

I'd go to a couple of MOPS meetings! I belonged to PEPS (Program for Early Parent Support) when dd2 was little and had raging colic. I was a bit of an odd man out with all regards to pregnancy and childbirth - but I didn't let that stop me from enjoying the camraderie of other moms with kids the same age as mine.

Ended up we varied wildly in age (23 to 42 I think it was), religion, politics, and everything else. And we became an amazing support system for each other, even with the differences. Three of those ten moms are still great friends to me today - seven years later.

PEPS rotates hosting (one mom in our group who had a small apartment had us meet at the apartment lobby a time or two, then we just squeezed into her place. It was completely fine. But I believe that MOPS rents space from churches?

And I think the dues are very minimal. Definitely worth it to get that support. Can you ask for the dues as a holiday or birthday or Mother's Day gift?


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *auntiehallie* 
i'm sure you're right about not getting outside, because that is a total joy kill for me as a nanny. when i can't get the kids outside, they bounce off the walls and drive me up them.







:

the tantrums can be defused, though, even if you can't get out (we all have days when we can't do what we like) and i think if you want to stay sane, dealing with the communication/tantrum issue will pay you back as well as finding a solution to the outdoor access conundrum... and i agree that babies nearly never freeze to death when you're wearing them - even if you're both underdressed by some misfortunate accident.

here's how most of tantrums i see start:

child: i want [insert thing or activity here]

parent/caregiver: [long or short-winded version of 'no']

child: [repeats earlier statement while ramping up to a fit]

parent/cg: [longer version of 'no']

child: [spontaneously combusts]

note how both parties are saying the same thing and getting nowhere. here's my trick for short-circuiting the explosion.

child: i want [thing/activity]

me: you want [repeats child's request]?

child: yes, i want [whatever].

me: boy, don't we both wish you could have that.

child: i want [impossible thing]!

me: yes, i heard you. hmm. let me think. let me think for a minute and see what i can do.

child: [mildly confused by accommodation]

me: i'm not sure we can do/you can have [x]. but i think we can do [y] because of [a, b or c.]

child: (gratefully) we can??

me: yes, i surely hope so. or we shall both go insane.

the short version of the above, once they get used to the idea of being heard, is to just repeat the last thing they said, when they ask for something. before you respond, make sure they understand that they have been heard. most of the time, i think they just don't believe that they got it across. once they believe you heard and really considered their request, they can calm themselves down. but really, not feeling heard winds anyone up; not just short people.


I really like this approach!


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Thanks so much for the suggestions mama.

We're contemplating what can be done...I really do hate my town, but we can't afford to live in the city (and we can't afford to drive to the city more than once a month, it takes all my gas allowence for 2 weeks to drive there).

hopefully DH can get his car fixed this week so I'll have my van again.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

I am figuring you live in a place that is wind chill under zero cold, as babies can go outside. Tucked in your coat in a csing, you will keep each other warm. Layers on everyone will help. Walking outside at 5pm with a flashlight is fun. It's not too late. Eat 15 minutes later.

Maybe someone mentioned this already-- but indoor water play is very soothing for many children. Warm soapy water can be very calming. Maybe at the sink, maybe in the tub, maybe in a smaller tub on the kitchen or bathroom floor. Add funnels, colanders etc. Wash dolls and plastic trucks with sponges etc Afterwards, just wipe everything down with a towel and it's clean. lol If your child is not sensitive to food coloring, streaks of it in clear water is neat.

How do you feel about putting the sofa cushions on the floor and letting him jump into them?

Is there anywhere you can hang a swing from a doorway? Maybe a cross bar to hang from?

Make a tent out of table.

I am going to sound insane on Mothering fro suggesting this...but...here I go out on a limb. What about a McD's indoor playground?







You could get a saladm, he could have those apples with carmel...or you can have nothing at all. And...cough cough...Chuckie Cheese in not crowded during the day when it's not vacation time. You don't have to play the games, just maybe hang in the pall pits, and crawl in the tunnels...bring a friend...it's more fun.

OK. I've said McD's and CEC. I am going to MDC hell.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gabysmom617* 
But then I had a friend visit me with her little one, and she pointed out to me that the playplaces were for children AND parents. We took the kiddies to Chuck E. Cheese's and she convinced me to go through the tunnels and slides and stuff. I felt quite ridiculous and it took me a good 15-20 minutes to get past the "omg, people are looking at me...the manager is about to come and tell us we're going to break this thing!!" thing I had going on in my mind. After that, it was quite delightful. My little one was happy to have me going through those tunnels with him.

When my older kids were little I always had to go into playplaces with them. There's only one that I couldn't do (lucky for me they were old enough to go by themselves by the time it opened) and I'm not a small woman









I did it 9 months pregnant and at other times with a baby in a sling. Fun times.


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## eli janine (Jun 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
I wish I could take DH to work...but he has to be there at 5am and the kids would NOT go to sleep when we got home, we've tried this a couple times. James was exhausted and grumpy by 9am but refused to nap.

We'll try walks...I hate the cold







but I have a poofy coat so it should be okay for 15 mins or so and don't have snow boots so I'll just have to stand and watch if he plays in the snow. We tried playing on the school play ground early this year (forgot they were back in session) and the principal came and yelled at me.









We'll do the running in the halls on days where it's simply too cold (for me, I'm a wimp) to be outside.

We got some Christmas money so we should be able to get a battery for DH's car, and my mom got him some snow boots *YAY* can't get any for me because we don't have the same size foot.
























I'm up in Duluth, and JamesMama, I just want you to know I've totally been there. I understand about the cold, and I understand about the dark. Especially when your area doesn't feel all that safe to begin with, and you don't have any transportation at the moment. It's tough not to feel like every single moment with your child ends up being a power struggle when everyone has cabin fever, is sun-deprived, and in close quarters.

Everyone has given such great advice. (I have a one-year-old and a four-year-old, and I'm writing down every word for myself! Last year at this time, with a newborn and a three-year-old son who was a little unsure about being a big brother, I just about went nuts.)

It is better outside. What size boots do you need? Does James or the baby need any outside clothes? We have generous friends with older boys, and so we have some extra. I have also a bunch of extra gently used winter gear. I have some nice Gortex hiking boots in I think a size 7 that would be great for walking while wearing the baby. Just put on the sling, put on the baby, and wrap the two of you in a big fleece blanket! PM me if you want any of the outdoor stuff!


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