# Did you sleep train your 3-4 month old?



## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

I didn't for first DD. We had a loose nightime routine and were able to nurse her to sleep and leave her in the bed for a couple hours before she would cry. Now 2nd baby doesn't last but a few minutes without me next to him. I am reading an article in Parents magazine that says the best time to sleep train your kids is between 3-4 months, that you shouldn't rock, walk, or cradle them to sleep and that the ideal time to put babies down for night is at 5:30pm! I don't mind nursing or rocking my baby to sleep...i just want him to stay asleep when i put him down. And I can't imagine 5:30pm being a realistic time to try to get my baby to sleep - that would be the time that i'm cooking dinner.

Anyway, just curious what you mommas do.


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## althara (Jan 21, 2007)

I think you should throw away that article and listen to your baby. Every person has different night time needs and sleep patterns, and babies are people.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *althara* 
I think you should throw away that article and listen to your baby. Every person has different night time needs and sleep patterns, and babies are people.

LOL! ya know, i normally don't read this magazine at all. I pretty much disagree with everything in it, but i guess it hit a nerve because my DD is a terrible sleeper and I really want to help my new baby sleep better on his own if possible.


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

Sleep training at any age, but certianly at that age, would be damaging both physically and psychologically to your child. A child wakes up and cries when they have a need, children are not inherantly manipulative but rather survivalists who communicate to us when they need emotional safety and food. The same is true of going to sleep - a child needs to fall asleep feeling protected and safe. If a child feels safe being nursed and laid in a crib, awesome....many of our children feel safter closer to their parents in the family bed. Either way - listening to the emotional cues and direct communication from a child will always restrict any type of "training" a psuedo-expert might proport for a child. People train animals, not children. Children are people who deserve to have their family members respond to their emotional and physical needs.


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## kdescalzi (Jul 30, 2007)

I think it is great to parent a baby to sleep whether your lo is rocked, nursed, cuddled etc. I think you should listen to your lo's needs and not even think about sleep training. It is so very normal for your baby to wake without you near. They feel so safe and secure sleeping next to you. Just listen to your heart and do whatever lets them sleep. Good luck


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Is that article by Mindell? Despite having adequate resources to do a proper study, she's completely failed to support her opinions with research. Her racist, baby-hating opinions.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I think that is way too young to do any sort of sleep training, gentle or not.


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## Pavlovs (Dec 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flower01* 
I didn't for first DD. We had a loose nightime routine and were able to nurse her to sleep and leave her in the bed for a couple hours before she would cry. Now 2nd baby doesn't last but a few minutes without me next to him. I am reading an article in Parents magazine that says the best time to sleep train your kids is between 3-4 months, that you shouldn't rock, walk, or cradle them to sleep and that the ideal time to put babies down for night is at 5:30pm! I don't mind nursing or rocking my baby to sleep...i just want him to stay asleep when i put him down. And I can't imagine 5:30pm being a realistic time to try to get my baby to sleep - that would be the time that i'm cooking dinner.

Anyway, just curious what you mommas do.

Not that I'm a fan of Parents magazine, but I do put my baby to bed around 4:30 or 5:00 depending on what kind of day he had (how well he napped). He's always needed this early bedtime, since he was born. It's the time of night that I'm cooking dinner or already eating, and having to do the whole bedtime routine with my older son (dinner, bath, wind down, brush teeth, etc.). I wear my baby during all of it - he sleeps soundly and I get my other stuff done (even though it means I eat standing up!). AfterI put my older son down for the night I slip my baby out of the wrap and nurse him while putting him down in bed.


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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

Oh my goodness! Yes, throw that article away!
Could you imagine? A little one, even at 3-4 mnths old, who is still adjusting to life. To be put down and what if not nursed, rocked or walked with? I mean I understand all babies are different. Just follow the little ones lead. And make babywearing a normal part of life, it makes things so much easier.


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## Pumpkin_Pie (Oct 10, 2006)

I would just put baby in a pouch sling laying down so I could move her around to my back if need be for a minute and then swing her back around to the front when I was finished cooking, or whatever. Honestly, 3-4 months old is still so tiny, she is completely normal in not being able to sleep more than a few minutes without you. It sounds like you had an exceptionally good/easy sleeper with your first, and now you have a child who is a version of normal.

I definitely vote for tossing that article and wearing your baby. Yes, it makes some things a bit more complicated, but not as complicated as trying to nurse baby down every five minutes.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

My DS2 is 14 months old and still loves to be rocked and "nursed" to sleep (bottle now) AND he still wakes up in the night, and I just move him to a comfy little "bed" I have set up for me and him on the floor of his room. Hes just a snuggler and would rather snuggle up next to mama then sleep by himself all the time. Hes the opposite of his brother. It happens. Your DD is not a terrible sleeper because of you. Whoever tells you that (And I am sure you get told all the time that it was something you did that CAUSED her to sleep poorly) doesn't know SQUAT and are just blabbering maindstream nonesense about "sleep training". THAT does not exist, and I wish people would stop thinking that leaving LO's to cry in the middle of the night to "train" them to self soothe is considered good parenting. I think its just mean. Sleep deprivation comes with the job. There are perks too, though, like watching your little one open and reopen and reopen his eyes over and over again just to check and make sure you are still laying right next to him. I tell ya, my eyes well up just thinking about it.









Just do what it takes to get you and your baby sleeping good at night. If he needs to be next to you, so be it. He wont be 16 laying in bed with you, and when he IS 16, you will want your baby back.







. I tell you, once I excepted that I just had to do what was necessary to get sleep, which meant ignoring the flap from others, I was a much happier, saner mama.


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## gbutterflykissesm (Apr 8, 2008)

Parents magazine also had a recent article where they said something to the effect of "Don't be afraid to let your baby cry himself to sleep." and said something to the effect of how if you DON'T do that, they will never be able to soothe themselves to sleep. That was ridiculous. They stated it as a fact, but everyone is different. It suprised me that they were trying to scare people into trying CIO. I don't advise that method of sleep training.

Every baby is different, and there are also different methods of sleep training. There are methods like the No Cry Sleep Solution, which focus more on establishing a bedtime routine, and using whatever methods you need to soothe your baby while slowly weaning them off of those methods. But your question is if and when to start those "weaning" tricks.

This is a long post, just because I had so much trouble with my baby (now 8 m.o.) sleeping, and there was a constant nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "if you don't wean him off of this [rocking, nursing, paci, etc] now, it will be harder in the future". I read the NCSS and it seemed to make sense. But then I realized, why should I try to start weaning my baby off of those comforting sleep methods now? I will have to wean my baby off of rocking and nursing to sleep at some point, but will it be any harder when he's 2, 3, 4 or 5 than it is now? I mean, he certainly finds it soothing and comforting now, and needs it to sleep. So if I tried to wean him off of it now, I feel like it would be just as hard - or harder - than when he is older. At least with an older child, they understand you when you say, "Honey, I'm here. I'm just going to sit with you while you sleep, and then I'll leave the room, but I'll just be in the living room." A baby doesn't understand that. So for me, it's easier to nurse and rock my baby to sleep. I love doing it... it's our special bonding and cuddling time.

Now, there were days where I was exhausted, and when 2 and 3AM came around, and I had been up every 30 minutes all night, I wanted to pull out my hair. And I will admit: I was at my wits end for a while, and let my baby cry once at 2AM for 20 minutes, and then he fell asleep. And I let him cry a couple of times when I put him down for a nap. And he didn't fall asleep. And even if he would have fallen asleep, it made me feel really guilty, and I won't do that again. Make sure you have a really good support network, and if you and your partner need to work out some kind of shifts to avoid exhaustion, do it.

And until he was maybe 5 months old, my DS would wake up soon after I set him down after our bedtime rocking/nursing routine. Sometimes he would wake up every 15 minutes or every 30 minutes. And I would just snuggle and rock him and nurse him again if he wanted to.

Then one day at 5 months old or so, I nursed him and set him down. He opened his eyes wide and was awake. I left the room just to see what he would do, and he never made a sound. Ever since then, his first stretch of sleep at night has been amazing. He goes right to sleep whether he is awake or falls asleep nursing, and stays asleep for at least 3-4 hours. But this change came about in him. I really don't think I did anything to cause it. This was the same time that we stopped swaddling him at night because he could roll over both ways and he could make himself comfortable in bed. Now he doesn't sleep well in bed with us because I think he gets stuck next to me in the depression I make with my weight, and he's more comfortable with a lot of room to move around. (He likes to sprawl out and readjust a lot at night). But it took me a while to realize that he DOESN'T do better being all snuggled in next to me.

So the moral of my long story is that your baby's sleep habits will change, hopefully for the better, as he gets older. But there will be regressions and changes in his sleep patterns. And I think that as parents, we need to be there for our babies and if they need us to rock them to sleep, then we need to be there for them. And we need to constantly read their signs, and try our best to figure out how to meet their needs. My baby is now 8 months old and is turning into a little independent boy every second. I am relishing our nighttime routine, because it's a chance to savor my baby when he's not trying to scramble around the room or grab the spoon to feed himself. He's still my little baby. And I want to hold onto that.


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