# extreme stranger anxiety?



## sarahr (Mar 29, 2007)

Is this normal, based on what your kids do, or is it extreme? Really, I'm trying to get a sense of whether it's a normal developmental stage that she'll outgrow or if it's part of her personality that will always be with us.

DD has an extreme fear of strangers. Two recent examples:
1) We were at a playground that has lots of trikes/ride-on toys. A 6-year-old girl was playing with a trike that Miriam wanted. Without any prompting from me, the 6 year old very nicely offered to push Miriam on the trike. Miriam sat down on the trike -- I was inches away. The girl started to push her, and Miriam freaked out, shouting, "Mama do it!" This wasn't an issue of separation from me -- I was right there -- but rather a fear of this girl.

2) We do a mommy and me gymnastics class. The teachers could not be nicer, sweeter, or more gentle. They help the kids do somersaults and rolls and the other kids (same age) have a great time. Even when I'm standing right next to her or holding her other hand, Miriam won't let the teacher get near her to help her. It's not fear of doing the somersaults because she wants me to help (unfortunately for her, I don't have the skill to help the way the teacher does) and it's not separation fear because, again, I'm right there.

Any ideas to help her with this? She's 26 months.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

That sounds pretty normal to me, but maybe I don't have the best frame of reference. My dd (now 7, and socially successful) has some pretty severe stranger/social anxiety when she was a toddler and preschooler. My 22 mo ds is a happy, social guy as far as I can tell, but sometimes insists on me in the way you describe. "Mommy do it!" is a common refrain here, unless he is insisting on Daddy, lol.


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## beachbaby (Jan 21, 2003)

My DD (just turned 3) is JUST like this. Not sure how typical it is, but she's always been an observer, cautious of strangers, etc. Now that she is more verbal, she says "Mommy do it" when other adults try to hand her something or try to help her do something. As she gets to know someone, she will usually relax a bit about them touching or talking to her, but only if they back off A LOT first. Trying to force it, talk babytalk to her, cajoling and convincing only backfire.
Not exactly the same situation, but I posted a similar thread last week about my DD and personal space. I got some thoughtful responses that might give you some insight, too.


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## mommy amber (Mar 29, 2008)

my 30mo dd is also exactly like this.
I think it's just her personality...it takes her a LONG time to warm up to people...we're talking months and months of repeated interaction on a frequent basis and even then, she can be funny about things and want me to do something for her instead of, say, a family friend or a gp or aunt/uncle.
she has always been incredibly intense and sensitive and I think stranger anxiety just goes with this territory...even when it is someone her size (or there abouts)!


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## ErinBird (Dec 5, 2005)

My 27mo does this. She's shy and a bit timid and it takes her a long time to warm up to people.

Today at the park, we were greeted by a very excied and friendly threeish year old boy. DD flipped out anytime this kid came hnear her. What worked was for me to point out what he might be doing and to relate it to her- "Raina, its okay- look he's just runnign past to go down the slide! Do you think he likes the slide, just like you?" or "Raina, you seem scared. Look! This boy is just smiling and telling us his name! Hi Boy! I am Erin and this is Raina!"

She still freaks out sometimes, but talking her through her anxiety helps us a lot.


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## Keeper at Home (Oct 8, 2007)

I think some children are just like that. My daughter is only 18 mo but it sounds exactly like something she would do. She gets upset/scared with _everybody_ who tries to get close to her aside from me, daddy, grandma, and grandpa. She's well-adjusted in every other way and gets out a lot, so I figure it's just part of her personality and she will get past it someday on her own time as long as I continue to reassure her and don't push her needlessly into scary or uncomfortable situations.


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

DD1 is like this too. A girl at the play area came right up to her and looked her in the face DD started screaming. It was sad but cute at the same time. She usually doesn't want anything to do with new people, it even takes her time to play with her cousins since we only see them maybe 6 times a year. She has to warm up to them each time.


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