# If you lie with your child til they are asleep...



## JorgieGirl (May 13, 2006)

what on earth do you do when it takes an hour and a half? DD (2) goes through phases where it takes longer than 10-20 minutes and it drives me NUTS! I have stuff I could get done, or I just want some alone time. We cosleep, so I join her a few hours later anyway.

I'm starting to get nervous with the new baby coming in a few months. I am just having a hard time picturing nights like tonight where she laughs and rolls around and sings songs for over an hour and I have a newborn who needs tending to.

How on earth am I going to make this work?


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## amynbebes (Aug 28, 2008)

Ummm, play on my cell phone? I unfortunately don't have an answer after 5 kids.


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## blackbird2 (Apr 14, 2008)

forget it and try again later? i have very little patience. i don't last longer than 20 minutes.


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## dogretro (Jun 17, 2008)

That was when I started leaving her to fall asleep on her own







I figured that if she cried & needed me, I would come back in. She didn't! Some nights she still wants me to snuggle, at least for a little bit, but she mostly goes to sleep on her own now! If she's goofing around and whatnot, try leaving. I would keep on leaving & coming back until she realized I was serious & laid down to sleep for real.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Good question! Bella has her days of doing this already - last night she just wanted to kick around and smile at me until about 1.30am...!


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amynbebes* 
Ummm, play on my cell phone? I unfortunately don't have an answer after 5 kids.

Haha, me too! I only have three kids, though. Seriously, I use my iPhone to catch up on e-mails, read the news, check in on Facebook, and play word games. I used to do a lot of reading with a little book light, but for some reason my kids seem to think the light is way too distracting, whereas the phone is okay.


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## Luke's mama (Sep 29, 2009)

I hear you--drives me nuts too! I think No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers is helpful here. I have adapted some of her ideas--if DS (22 mos) doesn't go to sleep after 10-15 mins, I lie at the end of the bed or sit on the edge, not facing him or being close enough for physical contact, but insist that he lies down--if he bounces up, I tell him it is time for sleep or tell him to lie down and pick him up and lay him down if necessary--and that gets him to sleep within ten minutes. If I just leave, I am afraid he will get up and come downstairs (he has done this before). But not lying right beside him seems to help him disconnect better and fall asleep, whereas if I stay there he keeps wiggling around, etc. Do you have a good bedtime ritual, too?


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## Momily (Feb 15, 2007)

I fell asleep, pretty much every time. Sometimes if I really needed to stay awake, I'd read, or I'd set the cell phone alarm to wake me up (my child, although he woke up a lot on his own, could sleep through anything), but mostly I just went to bed when he went to bed and then got up real early to do stuff.

I also can say that lying with someone who is asleep or darn close, generally got my child to sleep faster (I think, then again I was asleep so maybe he was partying) than if I were reading or something.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

I try really hard to stay calm. I really try to live in the moment & take the chance to be quiet & think or reflect. But honestly it is so difficult some nights to not get frustrated or angry.

I can't read or anything 'cause it's just a distraction to ds.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

The newborn just had to come along to put older child to bed too in my experience. But I also stopped laying down with DD by that point, and would sit in her room in a rocking chair with the newborn in the sling. She was better about going to bed and looking at books on her own by the time he was too big to cart along happily.

With my now-2 yo and no younger sibling, I can tolerate about 30 minutes, then I tell him I have to do something else like go to the bathroom or brush teeth. 75% of the time he's asleep when I come back. 5% of the time he's cranky and follows me around (generally this means he's getting sick and I might as well go to bed too and get as much rest as possible before he gets feverish/pukey). The rest of the time, I just brush my teeth and put on pjs, set the alarm for earlier, and go to bed with him while planning to do my tasks in the morning.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

books with a book light
my iphone, game apps, email, or ear buds and a video to watch
or I stay for 10 minutes and ask DD if I can quickly go load the dishwasher, then I'll come back, and she's good at saying, "sure". Sometimes she is asleep when I get back, sometimes not.









Now, though, she sometimes doesn't even need me to lay with her so don't forget, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and try to enjoy this cuddliness while it lasts.


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## Bea (Apr 6, 2008)

I've gotten my 2.75 yo used to a small angled lamp (20 watts) that so long as it's pointing the right way, I can read over his shoulder while he nurses.

He completely ignores this except to get me my book at bed time


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

post on mothering.com








yay laptop!


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

I lay there and check the weather or MDC on my phone (dd won't fall asleep with me on the laptop







) If they are not laying down I get them back up. When they are ready for bed they will just lay there even though sometimes it takes them up to a hour to fall asleep.

Although no DD can't seem to fall asleep with out the glow of my phone.









I had a toddler and newborn and worried about bedtime as my DH was working evenings when DD was born but I would just bring her in and lay with her and DS. She always fell asleep easily and then I could roll over and cuddle with him.


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## L'sMama (Mar 29, 2009)

Anytime we've had those long lie down to sleep times it's always been because my DD has been over-tired and I missed her 'need to go to bed now' sleep cue or I've missed a much needed nap time or missed it's usual time and so it happened late etc and then everything shifts to a later time and takes longer. These three circumstances have made tuck-ins/liedowns last a while.

Usually when I know it's going to take a while, I regroup and do something we'll both enjoy like reading books. I find reading her books relaxing. We read and read and usually she'll start to position her mind and body for sleep and then conk out.

Outside of this, I just try to watch her cues so I don't bungle up the bedtime-time. I tune into when she really needs to go to sleep (too much energy, whiney, staring off into space, play with her head down, yawning, rubbing eyes) and have found if the timing is good, so is the tuck in/lie down session. Also if Daddy is home, he will take over and be the one to lie down with DD. If your little one is simply lying down quietly and just not sleeping yet, I like the suggestion of a carefully placed light and a book. Sounds like a nice way to pass the time.


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## SparklingGemini (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dogretro* 
That was when I started leaving her to fall asleep on her own







I figured that if she cried & needed me, I would come back in. She didn't! Some nights she still wants me to snuggle, at least for a little bit, but she mostly goes to sleep on her own now! If she's goofing around and whatnot, try leaving. I would keep on leaving & coming back until she realized I was serious & laid down to sleep for real.


This.

Most definitely.


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## Emmery'sMom (May 31, 2009)

I nurse, hum, and rub her back until she's asleep- tonight it took an hour and 20 minutes







It was an unusual night though. Sometimes while she's nursing I can browse the internet on my BB while I hum. Once she falls asleep I lay there for another 20 to make sure she doesn't wake when I get up and then I definitely play on my BB.


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## durafemina (Feb 11, 2004)

when it was really bad for a period there (newborn ds and 21 mos dd) I got her ready for bed, sat on the couch in the dark and watched tv while they both nursed to sleep. Then I moved dd into bed.
Nowadays I can generally read or be on the laptop. Sometimes I just go to sleep. . . .


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## marimara (Jan 31, 2008)

I lie down with my 3 year old till she's asleep at night. If she doesn't fall asleep in 20 minutes or so it means she isn't tired enough. I have just got pretty good at reading her sleepy signs. If for some reason, we're in bed and she isn't going to sleep, about one hour is my limit and I get up and dh takes my place. If that doesn't work, and I'm about to go to bed myself she just gets in bed with me but that's rare. Most nights (at least 90% of the time) she falls asleep in about 10 minutes. I don't let her nap anymore during the day though, unless we have evening plans.


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

It takes me an hour to get both kids to sleep. First we read a book, then the lights go off and we sign some songs, and then I lie there till they both sleep. DS (1yo) nurses.

I am wondering if other people do any reading, singing etc in the bedroom, or do you do that kind of stuff before getting into bed? Sometimes I wonder if it would be quicker if we read a book in the living room, but mostly I think reading gets them in the mood for sleeping.


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## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

I lie down with my 4yo DD, read her 3 stories, and she knows that after that, no more stories or talking but I will still stay there with her until she is asleep. She is old enough now that she knows that she is supposed to lie down and not flip around and be silly, or else I will get up. Sometimes, I can pull the, "I'm just going to go get something," trick. If I stay away for 5 minutes before peeking in at her, she will sometimes (maybe 30% of the time) have fallen asleep in the interim.

I bring my own book to bed with me, and lie facing away from her reading the book if it takes her a long time to get to sleep. And often I fall asleep in her bed, and don't come to my own bed until 3 am when DH brings the baby to me to nurse.









Now if I could just get bedtime moved about 3 hours earlier, we'd be golden...


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

MittensKittens;15194609
I am wondering if other people do any reading said:


> We do reading in the living room because our bedroom light sucks. But singing makes my kids dance even when tired so we don't do that as part of our routine. We read so many books during the day that it isn't part of our night time routine, but our routine is short. When DD2 is ready for bed she is. ready. for. bed. lol
> 
> Ds would do great being read to before bed but he won't let DH do the night time stuff.


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## hakeber (Aug 3, 2005)

Actually, now that I _have_ the baby things are MUCH MUCH easier. If after stories and songs he asks me to stay and lie with him and we turn off the light and he is still being goofy, I just say, I have to check on your sister, or I have to feed Emily, or if she is with us I say, You are keeping me and Emily awake so we're gonna go lie down in the living room.

Then I always say, I'll check back in on you when she's asleep.

He has never not been asleep when I went back.


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## JorgieGirl (May 13, 2006)

Thank you everyone! I'm mostly just glad I'm not alone. lol...

we do have a very regular routine. 7pm we do bum change and jammies. Upstairs in bed we read one book, lights out, then nurse.

I realize she has probably been having a hard time due to the recent DLS time change. Duh, why didn't I think of that sooner???

Hakeber, I'm glad to hear your story in particular. I didn't think of it that way, but I'm sure hoping that is how it works for my DD. I do think I will start testing that out now with other things, to maybe 'put the cat on the roof' with me sometimes leaving the room while she's still awake.


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## AmyKT (Aug 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MittensKittens* 
It takes me an hour to get both kids to sleep. First we read a book, then the lights go off and we sign some songs, and then I lie there till they both sleep. DS (1yo) nurses.

I am wondering if other people do any reading, singing etc in the bedroom, or do you do that kind of stuff before getting into bed? Sometimes I wonder if it would be quicker if we read a book in the living room, but mostly I think reading gets them in the mood for sleeping.

We don't do anything in bed but sleep. We do all the reading and stuff beforehand in another room, but that doesn't mean that bedtime goes smoothly. DD will hop up if she's not really ready, and that's fine with me. We just go back out of the room and play or cuddle some more.


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## angelandmisha (May 16, 2008)

DS usually falls asleep easily with nursing. If he's not falling asleep, it turns out it's usually because he's hungry, so we get up and get a snack. I agree with pp's- if it's taking a really long time, they're probably not ready for sleep yet. We have also quit napping regularly during the day(unless, like a pp said, we have an evening outing) and that has helped tremendously with bedtime going faster.


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