# I Read "On Becoming Baby Wise" both books...



## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

And I just cried. I not only cried because the advice in these books is purely psychotic. I cried for the parents who fell for this. I cried for the parents who Ezzo manipulates into thinking they are failures if their babies do not go to the T according to the manual. And I cry for the babies who will ultimately suffer. For those who have never read the books, avoid them like the plague. If my warning is not enough, check out the below links:

A paper written about the book using very authoritative sources http://www.ezzo.info/Articles/tyler.htm

An article in the Washington Post--my local newspaper http://attachment_parenting.tripod.com/ezzo4.html

Another article http://www.nospank.net/granju2.htm

I do not want a parent to be hurt, misled, or unintentionally hurt their child due to some expert, who has not had proper credentials by the way, giving them some insane advice. Nobody deserves to prey on firsttime parents or those who are tired and seeking for answers. It breaks my heart that people are cruel enough to do this to make a buck.

I love you all. Keep listening to your heart and trusting your instincts.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

You make good points, but I still can't figure out why you would read the whole book(S) if they make you cry. No offense, but why did you read them in the first place?


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

I read the books because I heard so much about them, and I was curious about what they were. Not to mention, I felt I needed to read them to understanding everything, since I'd like to become an AP activist soon.

Reading these books has really changed the way that I see things. Before, i had a narrow minded view that any parent who practiced CIO was a bad guy--equivalent to a child abuser, since I do view the practice to be abuse to the fullest extent. Now, since I've read the books, I feel so much differently. I feel that these parents are those who have been terribly misled, even though they might be proud of what they do, advocate that it is the best thing in the world, and stand by it just as we would AP philosophies. I used to feel they were stupid and get so mad at them. And of course, it would make my activism work very tough to do, since I'd more than likely run into these parents during my work.

Now, rather than finding fault with the parents, I have the utmost pity for them. I find fault with the books/magazines/experts/resources that councel them to do such things to their children. Some parents take these resources literally, following to the letter. And the thing is, these experts and producers know this; yet, it does not bother them to continue to keep producing this hosh posh. How can they sleep at night? Well, I forgot, psychology is a paying business, and paying customers are always needed. How much better is it than to make depressed babies which will no doubt grow up into being depressed adults that have to pay a very expensive price. The Baby Wise books, especially, will definitely produce these results, as these books advocate extreme rigidity and control over every waking and sleeping moment of a baby's life. The books even advocate punishing them for things that are normal for development.

The advise in both of Ezzo's books is way over the top, and it has even been considered to be dangerous by numerous renoun organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics; yet, it is still readily available in any book store and online and is still falling into the hands of millions of parents.

My work as a future activist requires that I read everything, even though some of it is hard to read. This way, i have a broad understanding and can combat arguments effectively, should i be engaged in a discussion. One book that I do have a copy of on my computer is called "The Care and Feeding of Children: A Catechism for the Use of Mothers and Children's Nurses." It was another hard book to read, since it advocates treating a baby almost no better than an animal--inferior. It is now out of print but can be downloaded and read for free if any are curious.

I hope this explains things a bit more as to why I read the books.


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## Equuskia (Dec 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *velochic* 
You make good points, but I still can't figure out why you would read the whole book(S) if they make you cry. No offense, but why did you read them in the first place?

I read "To train up a child" by the Pearls. It's an incredibly...icky book. Frankly not all that well written either...but I digress. If we educate ourselves on what "the other side" is reading, then it is easier to form arguments against them. For example:

"the Pearls are wrong!"
"Why?
"Because I heard/read somewhere that they advocate switching babies"
"But that's not what it really says! She says....."

vs

""the Pearls are wrong!"
"Why?"
"Because even though she says that we should listen to a baby's needs, she advocates switching them if they cry too much, because according to her, they are being defiant, when crying is the only way an 8 month old can communicate. She claims her advice is based on the Bible, but Jesus said "Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God' (Mark 10:13-14)." Paul said "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Colossians 3:21)"

Obviously, if you have read the book, then you can make a much more intelligent argument then just going by hearsay. It's like sports. You can't plan a good defense (or offense for that matter) if you haven't studied your opponent. The opponents in this case being people like the Pearls, Dobson, Ezzo, etc.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Equuskia* 
I read "To train up a child" by the Pearls. It's an incredibly...icky book. Frankly not all that well written either...but I digress. If we educate ourselves on what "the other side" is reading, then it is easier to form arguments against them. For example:

"the Pearls are wrong!"
"Why?
"Because I heard/read somewhere that they advocate switching babies"
"But that's not what it really says! She says....."

vs

""the Pearls are wrong!"
"Why?"
"Because even though she says that we should listen to a baby's needs, she advocates switching them if they cry too much, because according to her, they are being defiant, when crying is the only way an 8 month old can communicate. She claims her advice is based on the Bible, but Jesus said "Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God' (Mark 10:13-14)." Paul said "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Colossians 3:21)"

Obviously, if you have read the book, then you can make a much more intelligent argument then just going by hearsay. It's like sports. You can't plan a good defense (or offense for that matter) if you haven't studied your opponent. The opponents in this case being people like the Pearls, Dobson, Ezzo, etc.

i'm going to have to read that book, too. I have come across some Pearlites, as they like to refer to themselves. i'd like to have the opportunity to have a better argument next time, as a result of knowing their literature.

Can I get the book in digital or audio format? I'm blind, and those are the best mediums. If not, I can get it in print and modify it myself. I could either scan it into the computer or pay to have it transcribed into Braille. Please let me know.

You have a wonderful knowledge of the Scriptures, by the way. Thought I should let you know.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I look for both of these books in the consignment shops that I go to. I buy them for a little bit of money and destroy them. I don't want any other parent reading that stuff and applying it to their baby. It's my bit of activism.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Equuskia* 
I read "To train up a child" by the Pearls. It's an incredibly...icky book. Frankly not all that well written either...but I digress. If we educate ourselves on what "the other side" is reading, then it is easier to form arguments against them. For example:

"the Pearls are wrong!"
"Why?
"Because I heard/read somewhere that they advocate switching babies"
"But that's not what it really says! She says....."

vs

""the Pearls are wrong!"
"Why?"
"Because even though she says that we should listen to a baby's needs, she advocates switching them if they cry too much, because according to her, they are being defiant, when crying is the only way an 8 month old can communicate. She claims her advice is based on the Bible, but Jesus said "Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God' (Mark 10:13-14)." Paul said "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Colossians 3:21)"

Obviously, if you have read the book, then you can make a much more intelligent argument then just going by hearsay. It's like sports. You can't plan a good defense (or offense for that matter) if you haven't studied your opponent. The opponents in this case being people like the Pearls, Dobson, Ezzo, etc.

Don't get me wrong. I don't agree with these books. I, too, think they are awful. However, I can't see the logic in putting oneself through emotional anguish... to the point of crying... just to be able to argue that one opinion is better than another. That just didn't make sense to me. I know pleny enough about Ezzo to make my point if I have to and I never read the books. I just didn't understand the crying and crying and *still* reading. That was my point. If it is anguishing, then find a way to make your point without the anguish.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

My cousin was a baby-wiser. I don't know too much about her/it and why she did that.

At her baby shower, both of our babies were 1 month old. Her baby was screaming and screaming, he was hungry.

She said she wouldn't nurse unless it had been 4 hours. (Getting him on a schedule) so we all sat there, uncomfortable, while her baby screamed while she waited for it to be 4 hours, which was at least 30 mins from the start of the crying.

I guess she taught him!

She now has her fourth and I know they've all be scheduled like the first. Honestly, I don't ask her about it. I don't want to know....


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

I have a copy of a dobson book... I was given it by my mother in law. It's the one about raising boys. I skimmed it. Meh.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

On one hand, I want to read Ezzo's books because I think its good to know what you're against.

On the other hand, I don't want to poison myself with what's in there.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Oh, I LOVE the idea about buying them in consignment shops and destroying them! BRILLIANT!!!

(I will admit to hiding them in the regular bookstore, but I figure I'm also punishing the employees who have to go thru and put them all back, so I don't do that too often!)...

_Thinking about heading out to used bookstores today..._


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## beru (Nov 19, 2007)

I have 2 coworkers who read/recommend babywise. I read it because I was curious about their philosophy. But I found out these women weren't really following it to the letter. They used their intelligence and instincts to avoid the really damaging parts of the book. I don't think they realized they were doing that. So I feel better that some of the people that recommend it are not taking it totally literally.

Another mother-to-be at work told me it was recommended to her and asked me what I thought. I said I read it, didn't like it and feel it sabotages breastfeeding success. I also said if you like it, just remember to follow your instincts when any particular points doesn't sit well with you.


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## leaveit2beeker (Jun 2, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PuppyFluffer* 
I look for both of these books in the consignment shops that I go to. I buy them for a little bit of money and destroy them. I don't want any other parent reading that stuff and applying it to their baby. It's my bit of activism.

You aren't the only one. he he he he he...


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## marispel (May 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 

She said she wouldn't nurse unless it had been 4 hours. (Getting him on a schedule) so we all sat there, uncomfortable, while her baby screamed while she waited for it to be 4 hours, which was at least 30 mins from the start of the crying.

I guess she taught him!


Honestly, the book (at least the version that I read) doesn't say to NOT feed your baby if they are hungry. It says - if the baby is hungry feed him. It does encourage a routine and it encourages flexibility. Your cousin was not following the routine correctly for a 1 month old. It is a 3 hr (1 hour for eating and activity and 2 hour nap), but Ezzo says if your baby wakes up early & is hungry..then feed him.

I guess with ANY book I read, I use common sense. Not every book has everything right or wrong. You just take what you need & apply it. If it doesn't work, try something else.

We hired a nanny to help us set up a routine, but I noticed that it was very similar to Ezzo's book. A routine for us SAVED OUR SANITY. For us, we had no idea what we were doing! We thought if we kept our DS up longer he would sleep better at night. If he was hungry we would feed him, which seemed like every 45 minutes. What we didn't know and what our nanny helped us with was a routine. Once we established a routine of EAS that we all did better...We also realized that our DS was snack eating. He would drink an ounce her, an ounce there and never got a meal. We started monitoring and feeding him with the routine and he started drinking more at one feeding. We eliminated the around the clock snack eating.
For us, whether it was the nanny suggesting it or Ezzo - a routine with flexibility worked great.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Which version of the book did you read? The first one or the revised one? Even the revised one, I'd not follow, and the first one is still circulating and being sold with no intention of recalling it.


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## tanyam926 (May 25, 2005)

OT, but my babies nurse frequently and I think it's healthier. I always lose weight easier, and feel better when I eat a small amt of food every 2 hrs or so. I don't think it's healthy for MY babies to eat a large amount and then go a few hours w/out eating, as it isn't for me either.

On topic, I guess the point of parenting is to find what works best for your family. The problem I have w/the Ezzos and other rigid baby schedulers is that there is little to no respect for the child as a human being. And I can't personally skip over the parts that are horrific, when they write one thing that feels like abuse or cruelty they lose ALL credibility in my eyes.

I feel a heated thread coming on (from past experience on this topic).


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tanyam926* 
OT, but my babies nurse frequently and I think it's healthier. I always lose weight easier, and feel better when I eat a small amt of food every 2 hrs or so. I don't think it's healthy for MY babies to eat a large amount and then go a few hours w/out eating, as it isn't for me either.

On topic, I guess the point of parenting is to find what works best for your family. The problem I have w/the Ezzos and other rigid baby schedulers is that there is little to no respect for the child as a human being. And I can't personally skip over the parts that are horrific, when they write one thing that feels like abuse or cruelty they lose ALL credibility in my eyes.

I feel a heated thread coming on (from past experience on this topic).

I agree with you. I hate all of the books, but I felt it was necessary to read them so i can best understand who and what I'm dealing with. It is difficult but necessary.

I'd love to destroy all the books. I'd love to burn all of them, as a matter of fact. But i feel that educating parents in the right and more healthy things to do is good also, so they can know that there is a better way to do things and treat their babies and children with dignity.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

If your baby is exclusively breastfed then nursing every 45 min to every hour and a half or so is NORMAL. Some babies can go longer in between, every child is diffrent. Breastmilk is so highly digestibly that thier little stomachs get empty again very quickly, but thats a good thing. What a lot of people dont realize is that formula fed infants keep full tummies longer not becuase formula is somehow better, but because it takes longer to digest, so its sitting in the stomach longer and therefore they arent getting as many calories. With my dd I had the opposite problem with the pediatrican scaring the crap out of me about her becoming hypoglycemic from not eating often enough. After a few days of going to herculean lenghts to wake her up only to have her take one sip and go back to sleep, I decided if she was growing and developing then it was up to her when she was hungry or sleepy!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Parenting is hard work, and exceptionally undervalued in our community. If mothers feel like people are constantly looking at them and judging them and their parenting, constantly feeling vilified by outside sources then how are they EVER to find the confidence within themselves to follow their hearts? The books are a symptom, not a cause, of the wider problem IMO: the idea that it is acceptable to judge another human being or their actions, and that parents must do the right thing, raise their children the right way lest they too be judged.


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