# Why Does My Toddler Hate Me?



## momma2libby (Apr 1, 2007)

Okay so I know that my 2.5 year old doesn't _hate_ me but it sure feels like it sometimes. Background: Her needs were always met as a baby, breastfed on demand (still nursing once a day), babywearing,co-slept, no CIO, I'm a SAHM etc....We have never been that close (since after she was a year old). I try to cuddle her and she will say "Don't touch me". She was like this before her baby sister so I can't really blame it on that. She bypasses me for Daddy and forget about it if we are with her Grammy. She wants nothing to do with me then, and will even run away from me. She tells her Grammy that she doesn't want to go home, and stuff like that. I know she is just a kid but it really hurts my feelings. I also get these looks from my mom like wth are you doing wrong? Although I may be paranoid. I guess my biggest concern is how she acts when we are with my mom. I feel like such a bad mom bc my kid wants _nothing_ to do with me.

I thought that AP was supposed to build a strong attatchment. I feel like I'm doing things all wrong!!! Please help!


----------



## MPsSweetie (Jan 29, 2006)

We haven't hit that phase with DS yet, maybe, hopefully we won't.
But with DD it was bad. It started at about age 3 for us, I think. She didn't want to see me at all. She was in preschool and would scream and cry every day when we picked her up, the same at my moms house, my brothers.... People started wondering why she hated coming home so much.
Thankfully she has grown out of it somewhat, but she still has a tough time leaving something fun to come back to boring old mama.


----------



## momma2libby (Apr 1, 2007)

Hopefully she will grow out of it, too! Thanks for responding. I picked her up from my mom's tonight and she was actually happy to see me







:.


----------



## Mariellen (Mar 14, 2007)

I think you are missing it... perhaps it is because she is so well attached that she pushes you away? My kids go through phases... sometimes wanting me me me me me until I want to put a want ad in the paper for another *me* so that I can get a little time alone to even just go potty. Other time (and seemingly out of the blue) they seem to want nothing to do with me and only want to cling to their father.

As far as not wanting to leave grammy's to come home... TOTALLY NORMAL. At that age, anyone's house is more fun because there is all new stuff.


----------



## momma2libby (Apr 1, 2007)

Thanks, that makes me feel a little better Mariellen!


----------



## SheepNumber97245 (Apr 20, 2007)

My son is starting to pull away from me as well. I also did all the standard AP practices like baby-wearing and he still nurses several times a day, but there are times when he's around other people like my mother or his uncles where he won't come to me. He used to cry and cry and cry if i left him with anyone else, now after leaving him with his grandmother for a while he won't even want to come back to me until he wants milk.

I think maybe it might have to do with the level of discipline he gets from me versus everyone else. My mother will let him play with things he shouldn't be because they're dangerous and when i see this i will take him away. Maybe that's the case with your daughter? Does your mother let her do things that you don't?


----------



## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

She just might need some space. She might be comfortable with the amount of attention she has received from you, and not need or want more at that given time. She will come back to you when she needs more....... People have varying degrees of neediness, when she needs you she will come to you. If you cling to her she will run away... it's the same in adult relationships as well. If someone is particularly needy (not saying you are, just throwing it out there as a suggestion) it can overwhelm someone.

One of my babysitters is a very clingy and needy person. An older woman, very very loving and attentive, also nervous and actually hyper sensitive and even on edge watching to see people's reactions.

With me, my kids are often clingy and I'd say they both need more attention in general. One is 3, one is 18 months and I'm totally overdrawn with every resource so they're always trying to "get more" from me, and it's a struggle for me who just wants to escape the constant demands. Papa is also rarely home. So anyway, My older son, who is a highly demanding child, after a very short time with this lady, the babysitter, actually withdraws and tries to escape her. Not completely.. just by removing himself from her clutches and taking himself across the room to play with his toys. He loves her more than anyone except his father and brother and I - she's been in his life since he was a baby and is his only "family" here exceot a sporradic grandmother. But that neediness and overattentivness becomes overwhelming, even to him, and he just tries to get away from it. So, after he starts to play with his toys, and she'll follow him calling his name, trying to get his attention, trying to get him to talk to her, wanting a hug or to have him sit on her lap. It's a child's way of creating boundaries and needs to be respected.

I think if you are sufficiently attentive to your children, or if they are just the type to need more "space" that could be a reason for her not clinging to you.

ps: please please mothers of clingy children don't think I'm saying they're clingy because you're not giving them enough, I was just offering a possible reason for why this toddler might be escaping the mum for a little bit.

The following links might explain it!

http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/.../9/412164.html

http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/.../9/412419.html


----------



## momma2libby (Apr 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SheepNumber97245* 
Does your mother let her do things that you don't?

That is a big Y-E-S. That could def be part of the problem.


----------



## momma2libby (Apr 1, 2007)

Meg, thank you for your insight. You make a lot of great points.







. This gives me a whole new perspective on the situation.


----------

