# I'm here.



## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

Hi all,

I'm Laura. I gave birth to my second son on Monday. He was born still, and had been gone for some time. He never had a chance. I still don't have any answers at to why this happened, but I will say that something has been "off" about this entire pregnancy from the start. I knew something wasn't right. I just never honestly expected this. I was 35w4d when he was born. My due date was exactly one month from the date he was born.

I have been lurking here since hours after his birth, when I was forced to stay in the hospital under their watchful eye. I'm not sure how social I am up to being yet, but I wanted to introduce myself so if y'all saw me posting to existing threads, you would know who I am.

I posted the birth story in the birth stories sections a few minutes ago. Its there if anyone wants to read it. Its terribly sad, as these things always are, so I'm not going to link it.

I'm very glad that MDC has this section. I have been very active on a DDC at another message board, and on the UC forum here. I obviously no longer have anything to contribute to those boards, and its nice to find one to fill the empty space.

As much as I hate that we are all here, I am looking forward to getting to know everyone.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so, so sorry, Laura. I lost my first born son 8 days after he was born at 32 weeks. I read your birth story, and I'm just so sorry you lost your beautiful son, and that the hospital staff were not more sensitive or respectful. I'm here, thinking of you and feeling your pain with you. Wishing you peace and healing.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Hi, Laura.







I saw and responded to your thread on DS. I'm so very sorry, mama. My heart just aches for you. So, so sorry. You express that something seemed off about your pregnancy. I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with Duncan. I just didn't feel right. I felt like something wasn't right. We were planning a homebirth and I just *knew* I wasn't going to get the homebirth even though nothing at the time could point to why. He passed at 34 weeks and change (I think) and I had him at 35 weeks. I'm certain I last felt him move Monday night while watching Heroes. The movement wasn't subtle. I discovered he was gone late Thursday morning and had him Friday morning. So he must have passed away later Monday night or very early in the morning on Tuesday. I miss him terribly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him.

These ladies here are wonderful. They have been such a great support during this sad journey.









We're all here for you, Laura. My thoughts are with you, mama.














Did you have a name picked out for him?


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## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

Thank you so much for the responses. It is very comforting to know that other women have gone through this very thing and survived it. In the past few days, I have often questioned if I would ever be functional enough to fold a load of clothes, or remember to wash my hair, brush my teeth, eat... Everything just requires so much energy, and I have none to give.

Britt, its nice to have someone validate my thoughts the entire pregnancy that something wasn't right. I mostly do an unassisted pregnancy, but I did see a midwife a few times, and a doctor twice, because I just felt so off. No one would ever really take me seriously. I was measuring right, my blood work was perfect, my BP and sugars were perfect. There was nothing I could quite put my finger on.

I am with you, too, and even though I was planning a home birth, something niggled in the back of my mind the entire time, saying it just wasn't going to happen. I justified it away thinking I was just worrying that he was almost always transverse. I figured he just had plenty of room and would turn by 38 weeks, or I'd find a chiropractor.

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, though it absolutely breaks my heart for any of us to be here. I have known people who had losses in the past, and I have had several early miscarriages myself, but I have never in my life imagined the pain of giving birth to a baby that would never get to come home.

My DP and I picked out a name for him just a few hours ago.

I have been a wreck all day, and I'm feeling the need for some closure, or the beginning of the initial gut-wrenching-247 part of it, so we borrowed a truck this afternoon and put every single baby related thing in storage. I even packed away my maternity clothes - I'll just have to make something I had before work for a couple of weeks.

So, anyway, as we were loading it all and making the trip I pinned my DP down on a name. We named him Jack. Charlie was my first choice, and Alvin was his. Jack seemed to meet in the middle somewhere. I'm going to change my signal to have his name in it. There was something so... accepting about giving him a name.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

I'm sorry for your loss
















Jack


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

((Laura)) I'm so very sorry.







I'm glad you've found your way here to our little corner at MDC. It was certainly a lifesaver for me in the early days after my loss.


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## my-j-angel (May 10, 2004)

Dear Laura,







s I'm so sorry you lost your sweet Jack. Life can be so cruel at times. This forum is excellent, unfortunately the other mom's here have had similar stories to share. We're all crying with you during this hard time.

-Becky


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## jtrt (Feb 25, 2009)

Laura, I am so sorry for your terrible loss. This is a safe and sacred place to grieve and be comforted.

Sending you much love...








Jack

Amy


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## Mosaic (Jun 20, 2005)

I am so very sorry that you need us but so incredibly glad you found us here. This is not the path any of us wanted, but we don't have to walk it alone.

Laura, Jack is a beautiful name for your beautiful son.


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

Hugs, Laura.








Jack

I too so understand the clarity after the fact that "something felt off" with the lost pregnancy. With my first loss, I told a close friend that I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. And so far, baby was fine, so I let it go. When I found out our baby was gone, it was upsetting and terrifying, but not really shocking. I already knew, but couldn't admit it.

I hope you find comfort in this forum like I did when I lost my three pregnancies.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I have just read Jack's birth story. I am so very, very sorry that he died.

Our baby girl, Emma, died during labour almost 2 years ago - probably from a cord accident. Like you, I had very strong intuition during my pregnancy. I posted about my fear of a stillbirth on a vbac forum when I was 29 weeks pregnant - and then it came true and I was - and am - heartbroken.

The coming days will be tough. Grief will take every last drop of your energy and anything else will seem so hard. We're here. Very little helps to begin with because nothing is your baby and he is what you want to make it right but I found the support on this forum absolutely invaluable as I began to pick my way through the grief.

I wish you moments of peace which grow longer and more sustained with time.


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## Milk8shake (Aug 6, 2009)

So sorry for the loss of your boy. I read his story also.
I hope you find some comfort here.


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## Wendlynnn (Oct 14, 2009)

I'm so so sorry you lost your little Jack. My heart and tears go out to you. Try to take some time just for you.


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## scarletjane (Feb 4, 2009)

Your story brought me to tears. I am so so sorry you're here. This forum has helped me tremendously during my darkest days. I hope it can do the same for you.
Know i'm thinking of you and your sweet Jack.


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## Maine Mama Doula (Sep 6, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I read your birth story also. I hope things get better soon.







s


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I am so, so sorry









I can relate to you in the feeling that something wasn't right... Even when TTC my daughter I just had an icky feeling. When I got my bfp, I honestly thought I was going to miscarry, so I was very surprised to hear a strong heartbeat and make it into the second trimester. Then at 17 weeks I gave birth to her. She was perfect. We never did find out what went wrong, but I knew right from the beginning that it just wasn't going to work out.

Anyway, much peace and healing to you during this time~ I hope you find comfort here.
















Jack


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