# 4 y.o. not listening



## molarmama (Dec 14, 2006)

Lately I'm having trouble getting my 4 year old to listen. I've had his ears checked and he can hear fine. After the 15th time asking him to do something, I'm yelling. As I'm yelling, I' m feeling guilty.

This has only really been a problem in the last 2 weeks and it is really getting to me. We haven't had any life changes. The only difference is that it is really cold here and we haven't been getting outside. (He does go out 4 mornings a week in preschool).

I find that I have a lot more patience with my 2 year old who is much harder to handle. I use all my patience on him and then snap at my 4 year old.

Any helpful advice for me?


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## lizanneh (Jun 4, 2006)

When I read your thread title, I thought, "4 year olds can listen?"









I too have a 4 year old, and I've found it helpful to think of things from their perspective: When I ask them to do something 15 times, am I guilty of an obnoxious behavior? Yes. I'm nagging.

So, I ask once. If she doesn't seem to hear, I go to her and get on her level and ask her to look me in the eye, and then I ask her again. If that doesn't do the trick, then I tell her, "okay, I'll do it for you." And then I follow through. This goes for everything from getting into jammies to brushing teeth to sitting down to supper. For the latter, I'll go scoop her up and set her in her dinner chair.

Do I still occasionally nag? Yes. Especially when I'm nursing the baby, or otherwise unable to do for her what I'm asking her to do. But I will still ask her to come to me and look in my eyes and ask her directly. It helps most of the time.

Good luck!


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## molarmama (Dec 14, 2006)

I appreciate the advice. I'll try that tomorrow. I think perhaps I sometimes need a time out for my own bad behavior


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## Fairy4tmama (Sep 3, 2003)

my almost four seem to be going through a spacey phase







: where I am talking at him and he just flat out genuinely does not hear me. When I finaly get his attention I can tell that no he was not actually ignoring me but it is so FRUSTRAITING I don't have much advice accept to secondwhat the pp said. I am really tring hard to remember to go to him and get on his level, BEFORE I waste alot of time and breath







:
Good luck


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## molarmama (Dec 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fairy4tmama* 
my almost four seem to be going through a spacey phase







:

That is actually weird, because this is contributing to my problem. I'm not really sure if he hears me sometimes. He seems kind of zoned. I was attributing this to bordom and being cooped up.


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## TabbyK (Jan 14, 2007)

DS (4 yrs old) does this too. It's either completely not hearing it, choosing to ignore it, or the whole "What?", "What?" about a dozen times. I finally got a little worried and straight out asked him if he has trouble hearing what I say or if he's just not listening. "I hear you mom, I just don't listen"







Well, at least he's honest I guess! Since then I've implemented the rule that I will only repeat myself one time (unless there's actually a reason he may not hear me). Funny thing, once he missed out on an ice cream sundae, he started listening a LOT better!! We still have our moments, and I swear some of it may be gender related, but it's gotten better. Good luck!

K.


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## Alexander (Nov 22, 2001)

1)

Get down to his level, look him in the eye, and blow a huge raspberry on his belly! OK, now you have his attention!

2)

ASK him if he would do xyz for mummy. If you think you are entitled to automatic complience from him to do your will, you are in the wrong universe!







and in which case, you can show me how to "push with string"!

3)

you need to figure out how to make him WANT to do the things you need done.

Hope this helps 

as


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## lizanneh (Jun 4, 2006)

I love the idea of blowing a rasberry on the belly! Anytime except when we're getting ready for bed, I'd be willing to throw that into the mix. (she'd get to riled up if I did that at bedtime)

You know, I do have to say that every time someone comes on with a problem here, and they give their child's age, it seems there's a dozen more people who help you feel like YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Thanks MDC for that!


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## mom22girls (May 5, 2005)

We went through a "whadya say?" phase. And I fell into it. I realized that there was no focus on what I was saying, and so in actuality, my dd didn't really hear what I was saying/asking. And then it seemed to become a habit not to listen when I spoke (and I kept repeating myself







: ) Eye contact is key before talking. My mom always said that we as adults are focused on 100 different things at once, whereas a child only has to focus on one thing (which is why power struggles are so hard to win!) so I have to "re-focus" her before I speak. That being said, once I get an acknowledged response, and there's no compliance, we either share the task or there consequences (depending on the situation).

Now, should we start the DH not listening thread?????

-H


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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

At 5 years old I was diagnosed with having "Selective Hearing" by the specialist my mother took me to (He actually said "Oh, her hearing is fine, better than most. She's just not listening to you"). She went through a lot of the same frustrations you are describing. And honestly, I can remember hearing her talk to me, but not really listening to it, because I was focused on something else.

Now, my dss (7) has selective hearing as well, so I can see it from the other perspective as well. He has ADHD as well, so I try to make sure that we have eye contact when I am asking him to do something. I can tell you that with age, in both my case and the case of my boy, it does get better. Until they are teenagers when they will purposely ignore in the hopes that you will go away


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## Fairy4tmama (Sep 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom22girls* 
My mom always said that we as adults are focused on 100 different things at once, whereas a child only has to focus on one thing









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom22girls* 
Now, should we start the DH not listening thread?????

-H


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