# Do you let your child sip alcohol?



## Barefoot Farmer (Feb 13, 2004)

So, DD is 5 yr old and _really_likes to sip alcohol. Both DH and I enjoy a glass of wine or beer at dinner and will occasionally have 2 on the weekends. I'm of the philosophy that alcohol shouldn't be the forbidden fruit, but a well explained drink that my daughter is neither ignorant nor intrigued by. With that said, I allow her to sip my wine or my hard cider when I have it. Up until lately, this has been a very random event, maybe 10 tens. However, now, each night she asks for a sip and occasionally she will ask for a second sip. She understands (or at least can repeat back to me) that these drinks are "grown up" drinks b/c they have alcohol in them and that alcohol can make your head funny. I always say no to the second sip (giving the above reason of "grown up" drink/alcohol lesson. My question is, how do you think I'm doing? Should I limit the sips now that they are several nights a week? I don't want to start saying, but I feel a bit unease about how frequent they are happening, but that could just be that I'm new at this. I was raised in an alcohol free home and I'm not exactly sure how to raise a "responsible drinker." thanks.


----------



## Otterella (Oct 13, 2007)

That sounds perfectly fine to me. She probably just wants to be like Mommy and Daddy and drink the "grown up" drink. I agree that forbidding alcohol only makes it more desirable and likely to be abused. Five may be too young for this, but as our kids get older we plan to let them have their own tiny glass of wine or beer for special meals (like 2 oz or so, no more). That's the way it was done in DH's family growing up, and he turned out just fine.


----------



## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Yes, on Friday nights (Shabbat) when we say the blessing over the wine, they each have their own (tiny) glass filled about 1/4 inch.

We used to give them sips whenever, but they really like wine and doing something the grownups do; it became a hassle and something they whined about. So we decided to restrict it to Fridays only, which has cut down on all of that


----------



## lovemybubus (Oct 2, 2007)

My 3yo dd helps her dad brew beer so naturally she gets to have some sips of the finished product. I am like you, op, I do not want to make alcohol the forbidden fruit. We have not yet had to limit her sips as she takes one and is usually disgusted


----------



## Hesperia (Sep 3, 2007)

I'm not sure if I started at five, but close to. I would ask my mother for a 'lip' of wine, which was I could get my lip wet and lick it, but not drink the wine. This was my own idea, by the way.

I loved the taste. And have turned into a very responsible drinker.

I totally agree that alcohol shouldn't be a forbidden fruit, but I would try to maybe limit how often her has her sips. Or, offer her a lip and a glass of grape juice, and explain where they both come from, and what makes alcohol, and continue to include the alcohol is for matured people!


----------



## Porcelain Interior (Feb 8, 2008)

I'm going to be the party pooper I guess lol, I say NO!!!

Us kids were all allowed to sip beer or whatever, but we never liked it and thought it was gross. Two of us are now alcoholics (not saying the sipping caused it).

I don't think alcohol is for children, I don't think it's healthy for their bodies (and really isn't very healthy for ours either past an occasional glass) so I think it sort of sets them up if they end up enjoying the taste, as your dd seems to.

It wouldn't bug me if my friend/relative allowed their child sips, but I really don't feel comfortable with it for my kids. It's also illegal.

I should note I come from a raging alcoholic background so maybe I'm more touchy about this than others. I've never encountered much "healthy" drinking in my life. I can count on one hand the number of people I know that consume alcohol regularly and responsibly.


----------



## pixie-n-hertwoboys (Aug 17, 2003)

yep sure do. Its something they can taste if we have it. Most of the time they don't like it but sure are getting a good life lesson on good beer and wine! LOL I agree on not letting it be the forbidden fruit. Growing up we were allowed our little glasses as well (if it was wine it was watered a bit)


----------



## karemore (Oct 7, 2008)

Not a chance.


----------



## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I don't think I'd let DS sip alcohol. Perhaps once or twice but not daily or even a few times a week. Like a PP, my family is filled with alcoholics so I may have a warped view about it.


----------



## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

I don't see a huge problem with it, but I wouldn't advertise the fact that you do it. Sometimes people can take stuff like that and blow it way out of proportion. For me, I wouldn't start as young as five, but I do like your attitude towards alcohol. I don't think it should be a forbidden fruit at all, but rather something that is enjoyed as a family in moderation. Teaching children to be responsible about alcohol is something that should start while they are very young, so by the time they are older it isn't something "new".


----------



## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

I hope I can live in a state where this is legal when my kids get a bit older. Some states it is legal to give your own children alcohol, some like PA it is not.









I was given sips when I was 4 or 5ish. But it was my aunt and uncle, and it was the nastiest cheap beers (genessee, heinekin, busch, etc). I grew up thinking I hated beer because it was so disgusting. Then after I met DH he finally convinced me to try some decent beers (Guiness, Harp, microbrews, Yuengling) and I realised it was pretty good after all.


----------



## eurobin (Aug 20, 2006)

Sips are fine, IMO. She hates beer but likes a rare sip of white wine. I see no reason to forbid it in our life.


----------



## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

I do let my children sip alcohol. If we're celebrating something and having champagne, they even get a small glass of it.


----------



## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Porcelain Interior* 







I'm going to be the party pooper I guess lol, I say NO!!!

Us kids were all allowed to sip beer or whatever, but we never liked it and thought it was gross. Two of us are now alcoholics (not saying the sipping caused it).

I don't think alcohol is for children, I don't think it's healthy for their bodies (and really isn't very healthy for ours either past an occasional glass) so I think it sort of sets them up if they end up enjoying the taste, as your dd seems to.

It wouldn't bug me if my friend/relative allowed their child sips, but I really don't feel comfortable with it for my kids. It's also illegal.

I should note I come from a raging alcoholic background so maybe I'm more touchy about this than others. I've never encountered much "healthy" drinking in my life. I can count on one hand the number of people I know that consume alcohol regularly and responsibly.









That about sums up my background as well. My children have fairly heavy alcoholism on both sides of the family and it's known to be genetic. I kind of feel like it would be the equivalent of tossing them in a pool and just hoping they make it out okay.


----------



## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

My dh and I disagree on this one. He wants them to taste as much as they will at home so that they have no need to "sneak it" later. He had parties growing up in which his parents provided the drinks to all the teens. This is now illegal, BTW. And I'm sure that it made him and his brothers cool to be around. I see his point but ... I come from a long line of adults with drinking issues... so I'm more conservative on the tasting thing.


----------



## BaBaBa (Jun 30, 2007)

Totally fine.

Alcoholism isn't caused by early exposure to alcohol. If that were true all of Europe would be alcoholics.

I'd give DD a sip of wine before I ever gave her a sip of a soft drink or fruit drink. YKWIM?


----------



## ~savah~ (Aug 24, 2008)

My DD is still very young, so I can't say with complete certainty that I won't allow her sips, but most likely I won't. DH and are more social drinkers though so she probably won't be around it that often in the home.

I read an article around the holidays few years back that warned about allowing sips to children. The study conducted showed the younger a child was introduced to alcohol, even a couple sips during the holiday season, the more likely that child would become an alcoholic. Add that to the fact that alcohol is hard on an adult liver (much less a child's) and the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic father is what makes it unlikely for me to allow my child any alcohol at a young age.


----------



## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

Nope, that would not happen in my house. DH has a few alcoholics in his line, and my side of the family has several. Alcohol is not something commonly around our house. We limit it to a glass of wine on Christmas or something like that.

If we were to have wine, I'd probably buy the kids sparkling grape juice so they could have their fancy drink while we had ours. I'll let them have "kiddie cocktails" when we go out. But they won't have alcohol in my presence until they are legally old enough to do so.


----------



## skybluepink02 (Nov 9, 2005)

I don't have a problem with it personally, but it seems to be setting yourself up for some hard questions from CPS if your child talks about it to the wrong person. Unfortunately, even if you're being responsible, it could be seen in a very bad light and possibly result in your children being taken away.

If it's not in a religious setting, or something like that, it seems better to err on the side of caution. While it's probably not dangerous and all of you mamas seem responsible with it, it's also giving needless ammunition to people who might wish to take your children away. If it's not a deeply held belief, it's too big a risk, IMO.


----------



## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BaBaBa* 
Totally fine.

Alcoholism isn't caused by early exposure to alcohol. If that were true all of Europe would be alcoholics.

I'd give DD a sip of wine before I ever gave her a sip of a soft drink or fruit drink. YKWIM?


----------



## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I don't have a problem letting my kids have a sip now and then. Dh and I have a beer or wine with dinner regularly and don't think that hiding it from our kids will do them any favors.

I don't think exposing or not exposing your kids will make them alcoholics. I do think hiding alcohol and making it some evil thing will make them more likely to try it on their own.


----------



## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

We have let ds sip wine or beer. I think it was only once though, he hated it!


----------



## Lesley77 (Oct 29, 2005)

I would allow it, but it hasn't come up. I don't drink very much and ds(4) has never asked to try it when I do. I'm sure it will happen as he gets older though.


----------



## bscal (Feb 13, 2006)

DH is of Italian heritage so he grew up with the watered down wine with dinner (although in his family it was only about once a week or less). My parents also were pretty okay with us having the occasional sip, but when we were older. So we both have pretty relaxed attitudes about it.

With that said, we both don't drink often at all. I might have a glass of wine in the evenings but normally after the kids are in bed. I've found that my oldest really doesn't want a sip of my drink but rather wants a fancy wine glass. So if I give her a bit of apple juice (with a dash of Sprite in it to make it bubbly) she thinks it's pretty cool. When they are older we'll probably let them have sips though.

Beth


----------



## amynbebes (Aug 28, 2008)

No. While early alcohol doesn't equal alcoholism, alcoholism and drug addiction do run the in the family of my older two children. I've never let the younger ones have any either.


----------



## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

My children are allowed sips of our alcoholic drinks occaionally, although not every time we drink. We have no alcohol issues in our family.


----------



## Millie Ivy (Dec 8, 2001)

I am of the same mindset as the OP. I will always let them try it when they ask, dd hates the taste of alcohol. DS loves it, and I usually let him have a couple sips, he is super responsible and barely even wets his lips. I don't just let him keep drinking it or anything, but with this open attitude I guess, he doesn't even ask every time he sees me with a glass.

We often do mineral water with lime in a fancy glass, and that feeds the need for specialness. And on special occasions i will pour about a 1/4 inch of wine in a glass for them to have.

Funny thing, DS (6) is the one that regularly asks, and loves it, and the most responsible. DD (7) doesn't like it so she never sips it. THe one time she tried a fruity, pink wine I let her do the whole 1/4 inch glass thing and she tried to down it. I think ds is already learning to me moderate and respectful of it.

Anyhoo. My personal opinion.


----------



## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

No. I like wine here and there, and DH likes beer once in awhile, but we always drink when DS has gone to bed.


----------



## luciiesmommy (Oct 11, 2008)

No, my bio mom was/is(dont know if she's alive) an alcoholic and I was told my bio dad was/is( i dont know if he's alive) was one too AND my baby's father is an alcoholic as well...
So, the answer is NO!


----------



## kaliki_kila (Aug 16, 2005)

I think alcohol is an acquired taste and what you are letting her do is slowly, gradually acquire a taste for alcohol and she already likes it. I don't like the taste of any kind of alchohol, even when it is masked in a fruity drink and will never understand why people drink it. Tastes kind of burning/rancid to me. I might think different if I had had a taste here and a sip there as a child and got used to it, but that never happened and I'm glad for it.


----------



## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

Yes, not daily or even weekly, but she'll occasionally ask if she can have a sip of daddy's beer, or mommy's wine. But usually she'll just wrinkle her nose, and say she doesn't like it. I guess she feels she needs to check occasionally?
I might feel differently if there was a strong background of alcoholism.


----------



## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

well, many Europeans I know _do_ have drinking problems. I grew up in a very pro- alcohol-sipping-for-kids household, and I do think it contributed in part to bad habits later in life. We have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism on both sides of our family-alcohol consumption is something we have to carefully and responsibly educate them about. So I'd prefer to give them a root beer instead.


----------



## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I don't think thee is anything wong with a sip or two o even a small glass on special occasions but the constant asking would iritate me regardless of what i was drinking.


----------



## Shelsi (Apr 4, 2005)

Yikes, heck no.

Then again we don't ever have alcohol around anyways. My dad was an alcoholic before I was born so we never had it in the house or saw it anywhere. My dh's parents don't ever drink alcohol either. I think the last time I had a drink was...2-3 years ago?

Regardless I'm pretty strict about following the laws. If you don't like the laws try to change the law but don't commit a crime, kwim?


----------



## goodygumdrops (Jan 25, 2007)

I don't think I would be comfortable with it. I understand the idea of not making alcohol a big deal but we have alcoholism and drug addiction on both sides of the family. My hubby had issues with alcohol and doesn't drink anymore..my father is recovered alcoholic for 20+ years. I myself have never had issues with alcohol but I haven't been able to drink because I'm on meds that don't allow it..and I've actually entertained the idea of being a "dry" house. I guess I just don't like how society makes alcohol such a norm in socializing, dining, entertaining, etc and I don't want my kids to associate fun with alcohol.


----------



## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barefoot Farmer* 
However, now, each night she asks for a sip and occasionally she will ask for a second sip. She understands (or at least can repeat back to me) that these drinks are "grown up" drinks b/c they have alcohol in them and that alcohol can make your head funny. I always say no to the second sip (giving the above reason of "grown up" drink/alcohol lesson. My question is, how do you think I'm doing?

I'm sorry - this just makes no sense to me, so I'm feeling concerned about how a five year old could make heads or tails of it.

Your five year old asks for more than one sip of alcohol each night? You give her one but not the second. How is the first sip acceptable for kids but the second is bad? You tell her - and she can tell you - that it is a grown up drink.... so why are you giving it to her?? Doesn't that send a mixed message?

The law is 21. It is for adults. Dc is five. I would think it was better to not tell her it is for adults if you are going to give it to her. It just seems confusing - "it is for grown ups/here is your sip" ????

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grniys* 
If we were to have wine, I'd probably buy the kids sparkling grape juice so they could have their fancy drink while we had ours. I'll let them have "kiddie cocktails" when we go out. But they won't have alcohol in my presence until they are legally old enough to do so.

This!


----------



## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

Good topic







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grniys* 
If we were to have wine, I'd probably buy the kids sparkling grape juice so they could have their fancy drink while we had ours. I'll let them have "kiddie cocktails" when we go out. But they won't have alcohol in my presence until they are legally old enough to do so.

That seems like the best idea to me.

I think this is a fine line. We don't want our kids liking/wanting alcohol....but we also don't want alcohol to be the forbidden fruit that's so tempting if no adult is looking.

DD is quite young but I *think* I would allow her ONE sip ONE time so she could try it. Maybe.

This is what one of my friends did: Her kids were very curious about alcohol. She let them have a sip of vodka. Now, they run when they hear "alcohol". The other night we were drinking beer. She asked the kids, "hey, do you want some alcohol?" and held out the beer. All 3 of them shook their heads and said "nooooooooo!". I personally thought that was a really good idea.


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I will give my son his own little glass of wine on Shabbos when/if he asks. I usually dip my finger in the wine and let him suck on it now after the blessing. Wine is a symbol of joy in our culture. Now, it's kosher wine, which is sweeter and has less alcohol, but I see nothing wrong with that.

Re: normal alcohol - I was always allowed a small glass of whatever my parents were drinking. I think a vital part of this process is modeling behaviour. If you plan on drinking LOTS of alcohol in their presence, make sure you don't start to give it to them. If you get one glass with dinner and THEY get their own little glass with dinner (no refills for either), then I think it's fair. If you're going for "fair" that is.

ETA: check this out: http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/Chi...Parenting.html


----------



## sweetiee (Oct 14, 2008)

I would say no. It is illigal to buy or consume under ae 21 so I feel parents should stick to that. I would not allow a child a puff of a cigarette either.


----------



## baltic_ballet (May 17, 2007)

No, Children’s brains are still growing a developing and I believe it can lead to alcohol abuse and dependence.


----------



## Masel (Apr 14, 2008)

I've let my daughter have a drop of beer or wine off of my finger. My DD comes from a long line of homebrewers. I want her to learn to respect the process and to develop her palette.

Because of her allergies we are always telling her no about something or other. A drop of alcohol is much less trouble for her than a drop of peanut butter or milk.


----------



## Sheryl1678 (Sep 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BaBaBa* 
Totally fine.

Alcoholism isn't caused by early exposure to alcohol. If that were true all of Europe would be alcoholics.











If I was drinking to excess on a regular basis I probably would not give her sips (and I would be setting a bad example anyway) but it is occasional and with meals and I certainly do not want her to think it is a big deal. I totally let her have sips.


----------



## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

No. I have alcoholics in my family and my husband has some in his. There is no way I would give my kids alcohol. My husband has the occasional glass of wine, but I don't drink at all. I don't think alcohol is good for growing bodies. When they're legal adults, they can choose for themselves. For now I choose no.


----------



## lovbeingamommy (Jun 17, 2007)

- No -

DH and I don't drink so we don't even have the stuff in the house.


----------



## HomeBirthMommy (Mar 15, 2003)

My girls are almost 9, 6 and 2. They have all had sips at some point. The oldest thinks it's "sour" and has no desire to try it anymore. My middle and youngest like beer. They occasionally get a sip.







It's not really a big deal for us.
I grew up getting a sip here or there, but not really liking it. I was also allowed glasses of wine as I got toward older teens for special occasions like holidays, etc. I come from a family that drinks socially, but thankfully doesn't have any alcoholic tendencies.


----------



## Jezzy (Sep 20, 2006)

I didn't let the big kids when they were little now at 15 & 13 they do. The 13 yo not so much It is allowed here.

i give my lo bach remedies for teething and it has alcohol in it. I am kinda paranoid about that. Mw says it is ok I am just afraid because dh has a drinking problem!

I am here in Europe and I know tons of people with alcohol problems btw!


----------



## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I don't have a problem with a sip here and there. I would not give them their own glass or own bottle of beer, but a sip from mine once or twice a year? Sure! I don't like making things forbidden.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

No way in hell.
Not in a million years.


----------



## Ellen Griswold (Feb 27, 2008)

I grew up in a household where I was allowed to have a tiny (are they called brandy glasses?) filled with wine. The special glass was as much of a draw as the alcohol was. However, I have always liked the taste of wine and I will agree that *with me* the exposure to this forbidden fruit worked. (Although my parents will be the first to tell you that they just did it to shut me up







). It was never more than once a week and it was never more than what would amount to a few baby sips. Now that I have a family of my own, this doesn't come up. I don't really drink wine anymore since I've been nursing for about 5 years (I know a glass here and there is not a big deal), but my husband also has health issues and does not drink, and I'm way to cheap to buy the good stuff.


----------



## gigismom (Nov 26, 2001)

no way!!

peace
jen


----------



## ellemnop (May 10, 2008)

No.

As a child, my parents drank frequently and I was permitted sips from their drinks. In fact, I was encouraged sips from their drinks and when I tasted it and thought it was disgusting and looked sick - I was laughed at... by them and whoever was at our house at the time.

We don't have alcohol in our house on a regular basis, but even if we did I would not permit a child to sip from it.

Take care,
El


----------



## Mulvah (Aug 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BaBaBa* 
Totally fine.

Alcoholism isn't caused by early exposure to alcohol. If that were true all of Europe would be alcoholics.

I'd give DD a sip of wine before I ever gave her a sip of a soft drink or fruit drink. YKWIM?









:


----------



## mamabear023 (Apr 15, 2008)

I'm shocked by the amount of people that see this as acceptable. It's illegal, it is a substance that damages our bodies and can cause terrible addiction. There is no way I want to expose my children and help them generate a taste for it over the years. I do come from a home where alcohol was NEVER consumed by my parents, nor smoking or drugs...so maybe it is just the setting I was raised in.

I'm with the people who mentioned it being risky with CPS...it seems they like to attack the "responsible parents" while the ones who are abusive and neglectful right out in the open seem to be passed over. Is a forbidden fruit at 3-15 years old really worth loosing your kids over? Are you comfortable enough with your decision do it or mention it in front of athorities who had that power? You never know who your child is talking to, or who that person is talking to. I don't think we wanted alcohol to not be a "forbidden fruit" is going to stand up in court...or it was only A SIP once a week...or on occasion

As an adult we have the responsibility to choose for ourselves. Giving a small child that kind of responsibility because they WANT it is obsurd...I"m sure they'd like to play with knives and guns too especially if mama and daddy were doing it on a regular basis...but it's not safe, so you don't let them do it with the real thing, you would offer them a safe, and legal alternative. Sure the risk of those things are immediate, and alcohol sipping may not be immediate but it is a risk.

I do agree with the other poster who mentioned about pop being just as bad. and think that the processed foods, and sugar loaded food that we consume on a everyday basis is way worse for their health than giving them a sip of alcohol on occasion...but it is breaking the law and possibly steering them onto the wrong course. No one can know that they aren't setting them up for alcoholism, just because it doesn't run in the family. There aren't many studies out there on how much alcohol is okay for a 3 year old or what the effects on their little bodies it has. I guess I see as erring on the side of caution as the best choice, and teaching them the effects of alcohol has can make people really sick (for life, not just drunk) and their bodies are too small to know what is safe.

I don't mean to attack anyone, I strongly disagree and wanted to share my reasons why.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

:

And, it is also sending signals to your kids that breaking the law is ok, and we don't care about the law. That's very bad aswell.


----------



## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Actually, in many states it is completely legal for a parent to provide alcohol to their child, either at home or in public. I know it is in mine.

That said, coming up my brother and I were allowed to "dip a finger" into my parents' cocktails. My kids have always been allowed to have a sip (I tend to stick with wine), though they rarely have. My son (16 at the time) had a half glass of bubbly New Years. He is generally pretty opposed to drinking, though. My daughter has no interest.


----------



## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetiee* 
I would say no. It is illigal to buy or consume under ae 21 so I feel parents should stick to that. I would not allow a child a puff of a cigarette either.

Good point! Why make smoking "forbidden fruit"? Do the parents who give their kids a sip of their drinks also let them have a puff of a cigarette?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Masel* 
I've let my daughter have a drop of beer or wine off of my finger. My DD comes from a long line of homebrewers. I want her to learn to respect the process and to develop her palette.

She can't develop her palette starting at 21?

It just blows my mind as I don't even let my kids drink pop.... although I'd give them a hundred pops before a sip of alcohol.

I do think it is confusing - the illegal aspect. How do you explain that to kids?


----------



## Missinnyc (Aug 21, 2003)

Quote:

Good point! Why make smoking "forbidden fruit"? Do the parents who give their kids a sip of their drinks also let them have a puff of a cigarette?
IMO there's no such thing as responsible smoking, and smoking has no benefits. Alcohol is fine in moderation and has health benefits.


----------



## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

I do.


----------



## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i guess this is personal preference.

i am also with letting my dd try a sip. i dont drink so it isnt even an issue with me.

but there is something else that i recall from my childhood that reading this thread brought up.

my parents were permissive and so were my gparents AND extended family. and i look into my families life and find some of those children became alcoholics and some didnt.

so i think alcohol as an 'addiction' has many layers to it. most of the alcoholics i know cant stand the taste of alcohol - esp the cheap stuff they can afford to drink. those who do like the taste of alcohol - like a good wine or a good whiskey drink it reverently rather than just down it.

so it isnt as simple does this make my child an alcoholic or not.

oh and btw - we too were allowed a puff. and to me it was the nastiest stuff. but in high school i did want to smoke because i love the way how gracefully some of the women hold the cigarette but the taste put me off. and i have never done it.

today with all the info about smoking around us (which wasnt there when i was a kid) - even if i offered my 6 year old a smoke she would be appalled because she already knows about the evils of smoking. i think she would be appalled if i or her dad was a smoker.


----------



## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Actually, in many states it is completely legal for a parent to provide alcohol to their child, either at home or in public. I know it is in mine.

how can I find out which states?


----------



## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 

I do think it is confusing - the illegal aspect. How do you explain that to kids?


Because the law doesn't always operate in a way that is mindful of what's best/healthy for us and our families.


----------



## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
how can I find out which states?

I would google something along the lines of "<state> underage consumption law" and see what comes up.

The way I explained the legalities to my two is that, as their parent, I get to make a lot of decisions with regard to how they are raised. So does their Dad. No one else does, except for some very specific areas such as neglect or abuse. So, while *I* can allow them to have a drink at home, their friend's parents cannot. Nor can I allow their friend to have a drink here. Not until they are legally of age. Neither of my kids found that at all confusing.


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

ITA with mtiger. I know that I'm allowed to give my child a small drink for Shabbos.








:

Ok, here it is:

Quote:

Some States *provide an exception when alcoholic beverages are furnished to a minor by a parent/guardian or spouse*. Some States specify that the spouse must be of legal age, while others do not.
In some of these States, the exception for family members applies only if the furnishing occurs in a specified location, e.g., all private locations, private residences only, or in the home of a parent or guardian only. *No State has an exception for furnishing on private property by anyone other than a family member.*

Some States also allow exceptions for educational purposes (e.g., students in culinary schools), *religious purposes* (sacramental use of alcoholic beverages), or medical purposes.
Found here.


----------



## cotopaxi (Sep 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
most of the alcoholics i know cant stand the taste of alcohol - esp the cheap stuff they can afford to drink. those who do like the taste of alcohol - like a good wine or a good whiskey drink it reverently rather than just down it.

I have not seen this to be true. I have never seen any evidence to support this, so I would not use this to justify the decision.

My dd is only one, so no alcohol yet of course. I think I might be okay with an occasional tiny sip to satisfy curiousity about the taste, although I haven't decided for sure yet - it is illegal so that leans me towards no. But every night at the age of 5? Nope, definitely not. No way.


----------



## Gnatty (Jan 10, 2008)

The only thing that concerns me about the OP's post is the frequency. Occasional sips are one thing, this is several times a week. I would restrict my own drinking in this situation or refuse most requests for sips.

I was given sips in my teens, and as a late teen got my own 1/2 glass of wine with Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, or other special occasions. (We were in a state where that was legal, btw.) I continue to drink in moderation (weekly or less.)

We do weekly Communion with wine. Our children will grow up having that weekly tasting, if nothing else.

It frightens and angers me that the government in any state thinks it has the right to say you as a parent can't give your own child in your own home 1/8 tsp of an alcoholic beverage.







:


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gnatty* 
It frightens and angers me that the government in any state thinks it has the right to say you as a parent can't give your own child in your own home 1/8 tsp of an alcoholic beverage.







:

I strongly disagree, I think it's the only right thing to do, and I'm glad we live in a country where you can't give your kids alcohol at all.
18 years for wine/beer and 20 years for liquer.

It frightens and angers me that some parents thinks that it's ok to give small kids alcohol. If it was legal here, I'd never even concider it until they where at least in their late teens.


----------



## burke-a-bee (Jan 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BaBaBa* 
Totally fine.

Alcoholism isn't caused by early exposure to alcohol. If that were true all of Europe would be alcoholics.

I'd give DD a sip of wine before I ever gave her a sip of a soft drink or fruit drink. YKWIM?

Exactly.


----------



## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

What about rescue remedy, cold medicines, mouthwashes and various other preparations?

what about other drugs? benedryl is quite common and certainly more potent than alcohol

at what point does my raw cider become not okay? what about kombocha? I can't even drink that stuff because it makes me feel too funny, but I can drink a beer just fine

ETA- not baiting, I really don't know where the line could be drawn


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
I strongly disagree, I think it's the only right thing to do, and I'm glad we live in a country where you can't give your kids alcohol at all.
18 years for wine/beer and 20 years for liquer.

It frightens and angers me that some parents thinks that it's ok to give small kids alcohol. If it was legal here, I'd never even concider it until they where at least in their late teens.

Are there exceptions in your country for religious purposes? Because if there aren't - THAT would frighten me more.


----------



## MoonJelly (Sep 10, 2004)

I've known alcoholics that grew up in dry homes and in drinking ones and vice versa. In fact, I know more people who are not drinkers because they grew up in drinking homes.

I don't believe it's related to having sips as a child. It's mostly a genetic susceptability IMO. There's just people who have it and can't stop/can't control it and other people who drink what they want and can take it or leave it.

DH brews beer and makes apple wines and ciders and we'll allow DD to taste if she wants.

I think I have a pretty good handle on what to look for and would certainly pay attention for any signs in my daughter when she's older.


----------



## tribalmax (Oct 10, 2004)

This is all very intersting.
DD has never asked so it has not come up for us. I would tend to think that I would let her try a sip -- but if she liked it and wanted it all the time -- I am not sure what I would do..


----------



## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

EnviroKid began receiving Communion shortly after his third birthday, so he gets a sip of half-strength wine at every church service, typically once or twice a week. I don't drink at all other than that, and EnviroDaddy rarely drinks, so the issue of whether to let the kid have a sip just hasn't come up.

However, we do consume a lot of caffeine. At first we took the "this is a grown-up drink" approach. However, EnviroKid began to notice that other kids--generally older than himself, but still recognizably kids--sometimes are drinking Coke or iced tea. We explained that it's important to moderate the use of caffeine and young children should have none at all. He's never asked to try coffee, but when I have iced tea or Coke (which is not very often, just at picnics and such) he wants lots of "tastes" and I sometimes have stopped the annoyance by giving him a small cup and saying that's how much he can have--I think there was only one time he actually finished it. We've talked about how caffeine makes people jumpy and can cause trouble sleeping. I think he's making a special effort to appear non-jumpy and go to sleep easily after being allowed caffeine.









OP, I think you're doing the right thing in refusing a second sip. I think that making a special drink just for your daughter, at the time when you and your husband are having drinks, might help to satisfy her craving for something special. That worked well for us with caffeine: Last winter EnviroKid kept asking for tea and felt slighted by being allowed to choose from only a subset of our teas (the herbal ones), but then he picked up a box of raspberry tea in the store and said, "This tea is only for kids." I agreed to that, and he's now happy with his special tea.

ETA: EnviroDaddy's family is Jewish, and we go to their seder every year. The adults drink wine, but EnviroKid drinks grape juice of a brand that comes in a smallish, fancy bottle. He really likes that.


----------



## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

I was allowed sips occasionally when I was young. DS is too young at the moment to even ask, but an occasional sip here and there when he's older is fine with me.


----------



## pastelsummer (Jun 4, 2008)

I read the title and was thining whiskey or something like that but a sip of wine would be ok I would not do it as I don't drink even that much but as long as it isn't like in excess I see no prblem and like not hard hard liquor


----------



## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Although we allow the kids wine as part of a religious ritual, I want to clarify that if we weren't Jewish I would still allow them to have a sip of wine once a week if they wanted. My kids know very well that legally they aren't allowed to drink a whole glass of wine or any full drink until they are 21. There is a big difference imo between a tiny sip and a full-on drink.

If I came from a family with a history of alcoholism I might feel very differently. But my family modeled responsible drinking as I was growing up - a glass of wine with dinner, champagne on special occasions - and we kids were always allowed sips if we wanted. I had no problems with alcohol as a teen or young adult, didn't see it as this huge big deal that I had to experiment with. In fact, it wasn't till I was in my 30s that I started drinking wine with any regularity.

I'm with whoever said that they are more comfortable giving a sip of wine than a can of pop. I don't want to make alcohol the forbidden fruit.


----------



## Blu Razzberri (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barefoot Farmer* 
_...__I'm not exactly sure how to raise a "responsible drinker."...._

The same way you teach them to be responsible about anything. You teach them that you don't do X just to fit in. You teach them how to make wise choices. You teach them that, aside from healthy foods, too much of anything is bad for you. I believe that responsible drinking is something you learn/teach when the child and his/her friends begin showing an interest in drinking.

On that note, it sounds like you've become uneasy about your decision to allow her to start sipping in the first place. If you want another alternative besides just suddenly saying no; try mixing a hard drink like something vodka based and strong (you don't necessarily have to drink it, just pretend you are) and let her ask for and get a sip of that a couple times - I bet she stops asking.


----------



## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Well, I come from a family of alcoholics and addicts, and I allow my little one to have sips, and on holidays her own teeeeny cup of Manischewitz.

Not a one of those addicts started drinking/using because they "liked the taste" -- they did so because of their host of emotional issues coupled with a genetic predilection for addiction. Growing up, I did NOT see responsible drinking, and so when I got older I had NO model for how to do it. (Eventually I figured it out.)

But In our house, wine and beer are things you have at holidays, with meals, in the bosom of your family.

Also,

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissinNYC* 
IMO there's no such thing as responsible smoking, and smoking has no benefits. Alcohol is fine in moderation and has health benefits.









that


----------



## BaBaBa (Jun 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Masel* 
I've let my daughter have a drop of beer or wine off of my finger. My DD comes from a long line of homebrewers. I want her to learn to respect the process and to develop her palette.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
It just blows my mind as I don't even let my kids drink pop.... although I'd give them a hundred pops before a sip of alcohol.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissinNYC* 
IMO there's no such thing as responsible smoking, and smoking has no benefits. Alcohol is fine in moderation and has health benefits.









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
Because the law doesn't always operate in a way that is mindful of what's best/healthy for us and our families.











You can be given a gun and sent of to war to kill before you can legally have a drink of beer. Explain that to your kids.

I understand people with alcoholism in the family to be afraid of alcohol but there also seems to be a lot of unjustified fear, paranoia and misinformation about alcohol.

We are talking about sips here and not about getting drunk or even drinks. Sips.


----------



## leighann79 (Aug 4, 2005)

I found this info for people wondering what their state says.


----------



## Melanie_7773 (Mar 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
Good point! Why make smoking "forbidden fruit"? Do the parents who give their kids a sip of their drinks also let them have a puff of a cigarette?

I just don't see this as the same thing at all. I can enjoy the occassional glass of wine without developing a habit (not true for everyone, I know, but it is for most), disrupting those around me, or significantly impacting my health. None of which can be said for smoking.

That said, if I smoked, and particularly if I smoked around my children, I think I would have a hard time defending why it was okay for me but not for them. So in that circumstance, yes, I suppose I would let them try a "puff" *if* they wanted it. That's a pretty big "if" though. My mum smoked when I was a child and I found it utterly repulsive. I have never had any desire to try it first hand.

Easier not to get into that position in the first place. Which brings me back to the OP: I think if I were drinking enough that I was concerned that my child was getting too many "sips" then it would be time to re-examine my own consumption habits.

Quote:

I do think it is confusing - the illegal aspect. How do you explain that to kids?
It's only confusing if kids are taught to blindly follow "the rules", rather than understanding and appreciating the reasons behind them.

Once I was driving a car with my 2 year old and my mother. My daughter was encouraging me to break some traffic law (can't remember the details, probably she was telling me to "go!" through a red light). My mother piped up with "you don't want the policeman to give mummy a ticket, do you?" I was appalled. First, because it teaches my child that police officers are to be feared, and second, because it suggests that the only (or best) reason to stop at a red light is fear of being ticketed. Fear of being ticketed has very, very little to do with my reasons for obeying traffic signals.

I don't want to teach my kids to blindly follow rules, whether they are my rules or someone else's.


----------



## mouthcave (Oct 9, 2008)

My son's too young for this to come up yet, but I grew up taking sips of my parents' alcohol. It was usually beer though so I thought it was pretty disgusting (still do, haha). I don't think it's a big deal.


----------



## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Nope, not at all!


----------



## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

DS has had a sip of my wine. He has never asked for it again lol.
I do not drink much though and certainl not now I am pregnant! hehe


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

If we have wine in the house for some reason, I often buy sparkling grape juice for dd, which she likes.

I would let her try a taste of whatever we were drinking though if she wanted. I don't see what that's a big deal. Kids are curious. A taste isn't going to get anyone drunk or turn anyone into an alcoholic.


----------



## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I'll add that my two have been having sips of wine (at Communion) since they were 3mos old. That's not illegal, either.


----------



## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Pixiekisses, where do you live that you don't have coffee and parents can't give their children a taste of wine?

My DD has never had wine nor beer, and if she had, I probably wouldn't post stories about it online. I totally agree with the PP who said that CPS seems to go after the competent parents disproportionately. Anyway.

As DD gets older, I would have no problem sharing a small bit of watered wine or beer with her over a nice dinner-- no problem _at all_. This has gone on for _centuries_. I've been reading some Victorian novels lately (Dickens and Trollope and Gaskell), and it's astounding how many children drink wines and ales.

If I thought moderate consumption were dangerous, I would not drink it myself. Same with coffee, as I posted on the s/o thread

ETA-- I would let my daughter have her own _glass_ of wine before I gave her 100 sodas.... or let her watch the 4 hour-a-day TV viewing avg. of most children.


----------



## Bellabaz (Feb 27, 2008)

on special occasions (holidays etc.) we would get our own "glass" of wine. It was shot glass sized. But we felt special. DP is from Europe and I have lived there and we have a pretty open attitude about alcohol. I would not serve my 5 yo alcohol but if she wanted to taste it sure. I would definitely limit it until she got older however. If it became a problem where she was asking each time we had it then I would have to consider consumig it less often myself or waiting until after she went to bed.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaterPrimaePuellae* 
Pixiekisses, where do you live that you don't have coffee and parents can't give their children a taste of wine?

We don't have coffee? Think you missread something there. Of course we have coffee in the country, but it's not normal for parents to give it to kids (grownups drink it), you wont see that here. And alcohol laws here are 18 yo. for beer/wine and 20 for liquer, so nobody can give anyone under that age alcohol, including parents. It's not something we would do here either, different cultures I guess, and I'm very happy it's like that here.

(We're scandinavian.)


----------



## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

We do not allow it at this point in his life (3 years old) but when he gets older we likely will allow it at special occasions like holiday meals and the like.

Some branches in my family let the kids have wine at special meals starting the early teens and I can honestly say I believe everyone of those young adults are responsible drinkers.

The boys tell me that in high school, they didn't feel drinking was any big deal, meaning they didn't join in with the typical high school binge drinking that I remember seeing. Because they could (sort of) do it whenever they wanted, the fun aspect of sneaking it didn't exist.

Right now, I don't know at what age I will feel comfortable with sips. Problems with addiction run on both paternal sides and I think that is what makes me gun shy.


----------



## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
We don't have coffee? Think you missread something there. Of course we have coffee in the country, but it's not normal for parents to give it to kids (grownups drink it), you wont see that here.

Oops, sorry, I did misread that in your post over on the s/o.

Still, I would not be happy to be living in a country in which I was not allowed to give sips of alcohol to my own child. People give their children far more dangerous stuff all the time, imo, and often under medical advice.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaterPrimaePuellae* 
Still, I would not be happy to be living in a country in which I was not allowed to give sips of alcohol to my own child. People give their children far more dangerous stuff all the time, imo, and often under medical advice.









As I said, I'm very happy it is this way here.

And re. to meds. etc. that's a completely different subject imho. And absolutely no "excuse" to give a kid alcohol.


----------



## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Oh, and one more thing--

My dh and his brother grew up in a totally alcohol-free home. My Dh had never tasted it before we married (he was in his 20s). The first we ever bought together was to cook with. We drink wine occasionally, but it's not a huge part of our lives. I like it for the culinary aspect. So, basically, I shaped his drinking tastes.

his brother, I guess because his parents never really talked with him about it, ended up being influenced by the ******* father of a friend of his. He mixed this guy jack and cokes from a cooler in the back of the van while the father was driving them around dirt roads and shooting hogs. VERY scary. So brother starts drinking, too, but he's drinking cheap beer that he purchased illegally at back country gas stations. My Dh is working on him. At least he's of age now, and he never DUI's himself, _thank goodness_.

I would MUCH rather be the one influencing my children than leaving it to unknown influences. My Dh is just lucky


----------



## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
As I said, I'm very happy it is this way here.

And re. to meds. etc. that's a completely different subject imho. And absolutely no "excuse" to give a kid alcohol.

I'm not at all saying you should give you kids beer or wine; I'm just saying it would bother me from a parental-rights standpoint. If you're comfortable with it, then that's great.


----------



## neostudded (Sep 5, 2007)

No way would I let my son sip alcohol. I am 18 and I am personally not going to touch it until I am 21, even though it IS legal in Australia to drink at the age of 18 (







). I would be very concerned about the affects on the developing brain of a young person. I would also be worried about them liking the taste.


----------



## RiverMamma (Jul 21, 2008)

I think this is really just a personal/cultural decision. In Europe it is common to give children a little bit of waterd down wine with supper. I also think that making it taboo just makes the problem worse, we always want what we can't have. But if it's acceptable, then it's not so tempting.

someone mentioned that she would rather teach her kids about alchohol than letting them learn the hard way... yeah, when I was a teenager, my mom would buy us alchohol, icecream & movies & tell me to have my girlfriends over to our place. Her thoughts were that she knew we were going to go out drinking anyways, & would rather us do it at home where she knew we were safe. I am greatful to her for this & think that it was actually a rather wise tactic.

back to the cultural thing, & a little off topic here, but when I got PG, I told my MW that I was concerned I might have had some beer after conception & before realization. Her responce was, "I had the same concern when I first got PG, I was in Ireland at the time, & when I asked the OB about it, he said "A pint of guinnes a day is a good source of iron."" Culture...


----------



## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

For those of you who are stating legality as a reason to not allow alcohol consumption by minors: http://www.alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/stateprofiles/

It's only illegal in 16 states.

And, yeah I have no problem with tiny sips. I just tell them no more than a taste, because it's not good for growing bodies.


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

We don't, but only because we don't drink often and don't keep alcohol in the house. If we did and they asked, we would let them have a sip or two. I don't feel right telling my children they can't indulge in something that I'm having, and I'm not convinced that alcohol is any worse for a child than it is for an adult when consumed in the same quantity/body weight ratio.


----------



## CtMom (Jan 14, 2003)

I think it's interesting that pregnant moms who wouldn't dream of drinking alcohol while they are pregnant wouldn't hesitate to give their kids alcohol if they ask.

Weird conundrum.


----------



## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CtMom* 
I think it's interesting that pregnant moms who wouldn't dream of drinking alcohol while they are pregnant wouldn't hesitate to give their kids alcohol if they ask.

Weird conundrum.

Assume much? I had the occasional glass of wine while pregnant. As my mother always said, "Millions of Frenchwomen can't be wrong."


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CtMom* 
I think it's interesting that pregnant moms who wouldn't dream of drinking alcohol while they are pregnant wouldn't hesitate to give their kids alcohol if they ask.

Weird conundrum.

A sip or two. And I don't think it's a problem for a pregnant woman to have a sip or two, to taste something or toast a wedding couple or whatever, either. There isn't enough alcohol in that small amount to hurt any child or any pregnancy.


----------



## kneedeepnkidz (Jul 24, 2006)

My kids have all tasted it. A couple like the taste, the other two didn't. I think it is important to not make it "taboo" but to teach drinking responsibly by taking alcohol and its effects seriously. I don't think a couple of sips every now and again will hurt them.


----------



## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CtMom* 
I think it's interesting that pregnant moms who wouldn't dream of drinking alcohol while they are pregnant wouldn't hesitate to give their kids alcohol if they ask.

Weird conundrum.


Also had the occasional small glass of wine or beer when pregnant. No regrets.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

I don't drink any alcohol at all when pregnant/breastfeeding. There is just no way I'm willing to take that chance with my babies/kids. No sacrifice at all.
Still, not normal here where we live, thankfully. You'll find hardly anybody here that does.
And there is nobody that can tell you exactly how little alcohol that is needed to hurt the baby, so I don't get taking that chance at all.
I could never live with the guilt if something happened.
And being the mom of a SN kid, and one that died as a baby due to being very ill, I am so glad I know for sure that it is absolutely nothing I did, so I don't blame myself.


----------



## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CtMom* 
I think it's interesting that pregnant moms who wouldn't dream of drinking alcohol while they are pregnant wouldn't hesitate to give their kids alcohol if they ask.

Weird conundrum.

Yeah, weird all right. Especially since I imagine the two groups don't ACTUALLY intersect.

I have beer or wine once in a while when I'm pregnant.


----------



## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I am returning this thread. Please keep this discussion respectful.

The MDC User Agreement states:

Quote:

Do not post in a disrespectful, defamatory, adversarial, baiting, harassing, offensive, insultingly sarcastic or otherwise improper manner, toward a member or other individual, including casting of suspicion upon a person, invasion of privacy, humiliation, demeaning criticism, name-calling, personal attack, or in any way which violates the law.
Please keep this in mind when posting.

Thanks!


----------



## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

We have allowed my DSD to have a taste of wine when we were vacationing in Napa Valley. My DH works in the wine industry, and we took a 2wk trip there. A lot of it was educational for DSD learning the wine making process and developing a deeper appreciation for the product itself as more than just alcohol. For the most part, she only wanted to smell the wines, but I think there were two occasions that she actually asked to taste them. DH allowed her a small taste. She was not too fond of it on either occasion.

While in that environment, we felt it was an acceptable thing to allow her to try the wine. On a day to day basis, we do not feel it is something we need to indulge them in. We will probably feel a bit differently as they become older (teens). We will most likely allow a small glass of wine with a special dinner. We do not want it to be taboo. We want for them to have an appreciation for it in hopes that they will not abuse it.

FWIW, Texas does allow parents to serve alcohol to their children. I worked in the restaurant industry for years, and we had to know the law. We could serve a drink to a parent or spouse of a minor (proof of marriage required), and they could serve their child. The drink had to remain placed in front of the adult, though, or we would be required to remove it. I never really dealt with this, though, in all the years I served.


----------



## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Assume much? I had the occasional glass of wine while pregnant. As my mother always said, "Millions of Frenchwomen can't be wrong."

LOL, I was thinking the same thing. I had a glass of red wine with dinner tonight and I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm also married to a Frenchman and have lived in France...where I drank while pregnant as well. In moderation (as I do when not pregnant as well).


----------



## Sailor (Jun 13, 2006)

I'm from Europe, originally.

We drink from the womb onwards.









So, yea, I don't see any issues with it.

Interestingly enough, neither my partner nor I drink at all now. Even though we were raised in European cultures where wine at dinner was the norm. You got a small glass from puberty onwards. And as you grew, so did your glass, lol. And sips as a kid were fine too.


----------



## PrennaMama (Oct 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
I'm sorry - this just makes no sense to me, so I'm feeling concerned about how a five year old could make heads or tails of it.

Your five year old asks for more than one sip of alcohol each night? You give her one but not the second. How is the first sip acceptable for kids but the second is bad? You tell her - and she can tell you - that it is a grown up drink.... so why are you giving it to her?? Doesn't that send a mixed message?

The law is 21. It is for adults. Dc is five. I would think it was better to not tell her it is for adults if you are going to give it to her. It just seems confusing - "it is for grown ups/here is your sip" ????

I second this... there seems to be some waffling here that might be confusing or sending mixed signals. OP asked how we think she's doing, and I think sending mixed signals is setting one up for unnecessary struggle...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissinNYC* 
IMO there's no such thing as responsible smoking, and smoking has no benefits. Alcohol is fine in moderation and has health benefits.

Alcohol in and of itself actually has not been empirically proven to have "health benefits." Of _any kind._ However, moderate alcohol consumption has been linked to cardiovascular health, and largely, it's believed that the European penchant for wine accounts for the link there... It's the grapes that have the anti-oxidants found to improve cardiovascular health... and one can get the same "health benefits" from grape juice.

Here is a link to a Harvard study on Alcohol and Health Benefits

There are also studies with data showing that cigarette smoking has some health benefits, too...

I'd say smoking in moderation and drinking in moderation are totally in the same family, and comparable. And I'll not be giving my child previews of either vice before she's old enough to make an informed decision about it herself. She trusts me to take care of her health and best interests... 5 is too young, IMO.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CtMom* 
I think it's interesting that pregnant moms who wouldn't dream of drinking alcohol while they are pregnant wouldn't hesitate to give their kids alcohol if they ask.

Weird conundrum.

I think this is an interesting pov. Maybe there are some few exceptions, but for the most part, I imagine many mothers know that alcohol in even the tiniest dose, at any one of a number of crucial developmental points while in the womb, can cause FAS. And until about 36 mo, the brain is creating and destroying upwards of 50,000 synnapses a day. It seems a safe leap to make that alcohol introduced to that brain at a "wrong moment" could trigger developmental issues, and just because folks _do_, it or have done it, legally or not, doesn't speak to the rightness of it, or how that child will view, process, and carry forth with those decisions later.


----------



## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Quote:

I think this is really just a personal/cultural decision. In Europe it is common to give children a little bit of waterd down wine with supper. I also think that making it taboo just makes the problem worse, we always want what we can't have. But if it's acceptable, then it's not so tempting.

someone mentioned that she would rather teach her kids about alchohol than letting them learn the hard way... yeah, when I was a teenager, my mom would buy us alchohol, icecream & movies & tell me to have my girlfriends over to our place. Her thoughts were that she knew we were going to go out drinking anyways, & would rather us do it at home where she knew we were safe. I am greatful to her for this & think that it was actually a rather wise tactic.

back to the cultural thing, & a little off topic here, but when I got PG, I told my MW that I was concerned I might have had some beer after conception & before realization. Her responce was, "I had the same concern when I first got PG, I was in Ireland at the time, & when I asked the OB about it, he said "A pint of guinnes a day is a good source of iron."" Culture...

Quote:

I'm from Europe, originally.

We drink from the womb onwards.

So, yea, I don't see any issues with it.

Interestingly enough, neither my partner nor I drink at all now. Even though we were raised in European cultures where wine at dinner was the norm. You got a small glass from puberty onwards. And as you grew, so did your glass, lol. And sips as a kid were fine too.
Good things to point out!
I live in England and did drink my whole last pregnancy. You are told a unit a week is fine in pregnancy.
I have decided though not to drink at all in this pregnancy. Just because. I dont see it as odd at all that I wouldnt drink in pregnancy but let DC have a sip here and there. Theres a big difference from drinking in pregnancy with a developing baby in there dependant on your body for its needs and growth and a three year old wanting a sip (lick probably is more correct term there) they will probably screw their face up with! lol
But if I was sitting here enjoying a glass of wine, and DS wanted some - I would let him have a sip. I do not think that would turn him into an alcoholic. He has done before and didnt like it so no big deal. If its something I dont want my son having, then I wont have it in the house. Makes life much easier and we are trying to live consensually here! hehe


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PrennaMama* 
It's the grapes that have the anti-oxidants found to improve cardiovascular health... and one can get the same "health benefits" from grape juice.

Yeah, and actually eating grapes!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PrennaMama* 
I think this is an interesting pov. Maybe there are some few exceptions, but for the most part, I imagine many mothers know that alcohol in even the tiniest dose, at any one of a number of crucial developmental points while in the womb, can cause FAS. And until about 36 mo, the brain is creating and destroying upwards of 50,000 synnapses a day. It seems a safe leap to make that alcohol introduced to that brain at a "wrong moment" could trigger developmental issues, and just because folks _do_, it or have done it, legally or not, doesn't speak to the rightness of it, or how that child will view, process, and carry forth with those decisions later.

Exactly.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Alcohol "in the tiniest dose" does not cause FAS. The medical community doesn't know how much it takes, therefore they recommend abstaining during pregnancy, but a sip or two is not going to cause FAS. That's just silly.


----------



## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

Our 11 occasionally asks to taste wine. We let her have a very small taste. At five, I probably wouldn't allow it. I can see giving my kids the occasional half glass of wine as they become teenagers.

Personally, I think the present drinking age is idiotic, ineffective and hypocritical.


----------



## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Assume much? I had the occasional glass of wine while pregnant. As my mother always said, "Millions of Frenchwomen can't be wrong."

yes.


----------



## mbbinsc (May 8, 2008)

Just curious what mom's of teens think. We are a non-alcohol and non -smoking family, so not an issue. But I have a niece who had a serious problem in High School. SHe was exposed to both at early age.


----------



## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mbbinsc* 
Just curious what mom's of teens think. We are a non-alcohol and non -smoking family, so not an issue. But I have a niece who had a serious problem in High School. SHe was exposed to both at early age.


I think that's a hard one. I think it depends almost entirely upon the child. If the child is responsible enough to understand "only at home, only with mom or dad", then that's great. I would *much* rather be the one introducing them to it; maybe then they would develop a palate and appreciate goods wines and beers rather than jello shooters and budweiser.

I and one sibling would have been that sort of child. My other siblings probably would not.


----------



## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I'm torn on it, since there is alcoholism in my family, but I also don't want it to be the "forbidden fruit". (Luckily I've got some time to figure it out yet, as my son is only 6 weeks old!).
My dad has homebrewed beer since I was 12, and I'd help or hang around and by that age he was okay with me having a small glass now and then. (my mom was not, however, and before 12 I think I'd had maybe a tiny sip or two in my life) As a teen I did a bit of drinking, but nothing terrible I don't think. I'm 21 now and only drink on occasion. I've got a pretty high alcohol tolerance for my small size, but still only have about 4 drinks at the most, so I guess I'd be considered a responsible drinker.
Just my own personal experience.


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I don't let dd taste alcohol at this point, I think that five is way to young to start letting them sample it and get a taste for it. I will offer to let her try it when she is much older and I will get her the cheapest and nastiest tasting kind out there in order to give her a feel for how nasty it is. I will also talk to her about safe drinking in case she does drink with her friends and encourage her to call me for a ride home if she does because I think it is important to teach kids to be safe with it when they are old enough to really understand the issues around alcohol.


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I just don't get why you'd trick your kids with cheap, nasty alcohol. I will always be honest with my kids - "I think you're too young to have a full glass/a sip/any/whatever, but there is nothing intrinsically bad about alcohol. It is just frequently abused. This is MY fear, and you're the one who has to deal with it. Sorry. Let's revisit this later, when you're a little older. Here's what I'm willing to do now."

My policy has always been that I will trust my child to be responsible until they prove to me that they cannot be. I agree that 5 is young to put that policy into place, but it certainly works with teens. Treating alcohol as some kind of a "gateway" substance is doing more harm than good, IMO.


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
I just don't get why you'd trick your kids with cheap, nasty alcohol. I will always be honest with my kids - "I think you're too young to have a full glass/a sip/any/whatever, but there is nothing intrinsically bad about alcohol. It is just frequently abused. This is MY fear, and you're the one who has to deal with it. Sorry. Let's revisit this later, when you're a little older. Here's what I'm willing to do now."

My policy has always been that I will trust my child to be responsible until they prove to me that they cannot be. I agree that 5 is young to put that policy into place, but it certainly works with teens. Treating alcohol as some kind of a "gateway" substance is doing more harm than good, IMO.

I would give her cheap alcohol because it tastes bad and I would rather she think it tastes so bad and she doesn't want to get hooked on it than that she think it tastes so good she wants it all the time. I am also okay with not being totally honest about some things, my mother wasn't totally honest with me about some things but I came to understand why when I became a mother and I think she will to. I also think that addiction is a big thing and I would never forgive myself if I gave her alcohol and she turned out to like it so I would go out of my way to get stuff that isn't going to taste that great, not that any of it really does anyways.

I do think that drinking alcohol can lead to alcohol addiction, I have seen it happen with two of my aunts and they didn't get hooked on it by avoiding it and disliking it. I think that treating alcohol like it is no problem and having a policy of waiting until your child is addicted to alcohol before you try to prevent addiction is a much bigger problem then thinking that if you drink alcohol a lot you may get addicted.


----------



## organicmommy05 (Jan 16, 2007)

No way and I also wouldn't let her smoke or do drugs. They will always be forbidden fruit as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not getting the logic in some of these posts. Would you also allow them to smoke or do drugs just b/c they ask?

Plus, if your child is in public school, do you really want them going around stating that mommy lets them drink beer and wine at home?


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I would give her cheap alcohol because it tastes bad and I would rather she think it tastes so bad and she doesn't want to get hooked on it than that she think it tastes so good she wants it all the time. I am also okay with not being totally honest about some things, my mother wasn't totally honest with me about some things but I came to understand why when I became a mother and I think she will to. I also think that addiction is a big thing and I would never forgive myself if I gave her alcohol and she turned out to like it so I would go out of my way to get stuff that isn't going to taste that great, not that any of it really does anyways.

That would prob. work through high school, I think. What happens when kids are drinking in college and someone hands her something that tastes great? I want my child saying "BTDT, I'll take a sip/just have one/nah, I'm driving tonight, I'll have some tomorrow", rather than "OMG, not all alcohol tastes like that motor oil mom gave me. I wonder what HER drink tastes like? What about that one?"

I understand that most people (not all) have at least one bad night with alcohol. We're human, and we tend to want good things to excess. I want to be the one holding back my DS's hair as he realizes into the toilet that it's not a good idea - not some strange kid his freshman year of college who I don't know he can trust.

I don't think alcohol and cigarettes/drugs are the same thing at all. That's a different thread, though, and I'm so not starting the MJ argument here.









My children will ALWAYS drink wine in our house unless they tell me they prefer grape juice - in which case, I'll buy it specially for them. It's part of our religion, and I fully expect them to go around talking about it. I also expect them to brag to their friends that they don't have to go to the doctor and get shots. We're not afraid of being different.


----------



## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I would give her cheap alcohol because it tastes bad and I would rather she think it tastes so bad and she doesn't want to get hooked on it than that she think it tastes so good she wants it all the time.

I don't really get this, either. Sooner or later your kid is going to discover that alcohol doesn't all taste nasty. She'll be a teenager at a party where someone gives her a yummy margarita or a nice glass of wine or champagne or some sweet Manischewitz at a friend's Seder. And how will your tricky strategy look to her then? She may wonder what else you've been lying about.

Just because someone thinks something tastes good does not mean they will a)want it all the time or b)get hooked on it. I don't think it's possible for little kids getting occasional sips of wine to get hooked on alcohol.

I can respect the decision not to allow a child to taste alcoholic drinks. But the strategy you're planning to use seems like a recipe for undermining trust between parent and child.


----------



## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

My kids (teens) are free to drink alcohol at home.







No big deal for us.


----------



## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I don't really get this, either. Sooner or later your kid is going to discover that alcohol doesn't all taste nasty. She'll be a teenager at a party where someone gives her a yummy margarita or a nice glass of wine or champagne or some sweet Manischewitz at a friend's Seder. And how will your tricky strategy look to her then? She may wonder what else you've been lying about.

Just because someone thinks something tastes good does not mean they will a)want it all the time or b)get hooked on it. I don't think it's possible for little kids getting occasional sips of wine to get hooked on alcohol.

I can respect the decision not to allow a child to taste alcoholic drinks. But the strategy you're planning to use seems like a recipe for undermining trust between parent and child.

Yes to all that.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I don't really get this, either. Sooner or later your kid is going to discover that alcohol doesn't all taste nasty. She'll be a teenager at a party where someone gives her a yummy margarita or a nice glass of wine or champagne or some sweet Manischewitz at a friend's Seder. And how will your tricky strategy look to her then? She may wonder what else you've been lying about.

Yeah, that.
I would never lie to my kids about anything. Trust is so important for us.


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
Yeah, that.
I would never lie to my kids about anything. Trust is so important for us.

Then whatever our differences, I think you're going about it the right way.









It's the deception and propaganda that surrounds stuff like this that I hate. It's perfectly acceptable to say "they may do X, Y, and Z elsewhere, but that's not acceptable in our family."

ETA: I do that about a LOT of stuff that all of you guys think is fine. And stuff that I think is fine for others to do. We don't do Christian holidays. It's fine for grandma, fine for your friends, but not in our house. And I recognize that when he's old enough to understand what they are and what they mean (not just "but mom, they get PRESENTS!!!") he can make the decision for himself.


----------



## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mbbinsc* 
Just curious what mom's of teens think. We are a non-alcohol and non -smoking family, so not an issue. But I have a niece who had a serious problem in High School. SHe was exposed to both at early age.

As I stated before, both of mine have had wine at Communion since they were wee ones and have also tasted wine & beer at home. I have a glass of wine with dinner most nights. Neither of them are interested in drinking or smoking. Or doing any sort of drugs.

I work late a couple of nights a week and have no concerns about leaving a bottle of wine (open or not) in the fridge or the pantry. They've yet to show themselves to be irresponsible.


----------



## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Wow, wide range of differences here. My girls are 1 and 2 and never had pop let alone alcohol. Dh and I agree, 21 is the legal age and until then no way, nope, not at all under any circumstances. I don't believe in giving them some at home even when they are teens, just doesn't go along with my parenting style, but that is just me. We are not drinkers anyway, maybe one glass of wine per month.


----------



## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

Having _sips a few times a week at age 5_ &#8230; NO WAY.

I think the argument that to not allow it gives the impression that it is forbidden is crazy. I would address any discussions about alcohol the same as I would any about sex, smoking, or drugs for example. Some activities are for grown ups for various reasons.

I also think there is plenty of time after the legal age to develop their palette &#8230;


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *h & j's mom* 
i also think there is plenty of time after the legal age to develop their palette &#8230;

ita.


----------



## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

I am torn on this issue, because I see both sides. We have a lot of alcohol problems in our family, but I did let my children have a sip once in a great while when they were young. I also don't think it would have hurt not to have any, meaning I don't think it would have made any difference now they are adults. The culture thing cracks me up though - french women also smoke a lot to keep thin, does that mean it is okay?


----------



## Beckula (Mar 17, 2007)

All right, I have read all of these responses and I just gotta say: addiction isn't about the substance itself. Do really think heroin addicts really LIKE the stuff and thats why they do it everyday? No. Its usually an issue within the chemical responses of the addict's brain. The same goes for alcoholism. Its not the alcohol itself that is the problem, its the person who's brain is telling them they "need" it to survive. A couple of sips off of Momma's beer or wine isn't going to cause alcoholism. I think modeling responsible drinking is more of an effective way to prevent bad decision making among teens and kids then banning it from your child's presence. JMHO.


----------



## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimim* 
Also had the occasional small glass of wine or beer when pregnant. No regrets.

You can add me to that list too. Even my american dr said that after the 1st tri, an occasional glass was no big deal.


----------



## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

I grew up in Europe so I can agree that it is good not to make it a forbidden fruit. But 5 years is really too young. And B.T.W. in Europe kids are starting to drink earlier and earlier and it is becoming a problem. Research has shown that early introduction is indeed related to alcoholism later in life.
I am not worried about a very small amount of alcohol, orange juice also contains alcohol if you let it sit for a while. But there is nothing wrong with kids learning that alcohol is something you need to respect and be careful with. And at 5 years old they are not ready for that responsibility IMO.

Carma


----------



## dido1 (Aug 12, 2004)

My son, who is 4.5, has the odd lick of beer foam off a finger and once had a drop of beer in a large glass of water at a dinner party. We model responsible drinking behaviour in that we do not drink to excess, do not drive if we've had a drink. I don't think children should regularly have alcohol but I do think it's okay to introduce it to them in a social setting in a very watered down fashion and I think it is very necessary to talk to your children from a young age onward about substances that are legal but altering, such as alcohol, so that they can make responsible and educated choices. Children in elementary schools are sneaking alcohol and I believe it's important to educate kids early about why it's something that is reserved primarily for adults (ie. can impact development, impair judgment, etc.).


----------



## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Beckula* 
All right, I have read all of these responses and I just gotta say: addiction isn't about the substance itself. Do really think heroin addicts really LIKE the stuff and thats why they do it everyday? No. Its usually an issue within the chemical responses of the addict's brain. The same goes for alcoholism. Its not the alcohol itself that is the problem, its the person who's brain is telling them they "need" it to survive. A couple of sips off of Momma's beer or wine isn't going to cause alcoholism. I think modeling responsible drinking is more of an effective way to prevent bad decision making among teens and kids then banning it from your child's presence. JMHO.









:

Also, alcohol does not have the same addictive chemicals that drugs and cigarettes do. I mean, a person that experiments with heroin is very likely to become addicted. It changes the neurons in the brain with just one use. Nocotine does very similar things. Alcohol does not or you would have a world of addicts. You just can't compare them in the same manner.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dido1* 
My son, who is 4.5, has the odd lick of beer foam off a finger and once had a drop of beer in a large glass of water at a dinner party. We model responsible drinking behaviour in that we do not drink to excess, do not drive if we've had a drink. I don't think children should regularly have alcohol but I do think it's okay to introduce it to them in a social setting in a very watered down fashion and I think it is very necessary to talk to your children from a young age onward about substances that are legal but altering, such as alcohol, so that they can make responsible and educated choices. Children in elementary schools are sneaking alcohol and I believe it's important to educate kids early about why it's something that is reserved primarily for adults (ie. can impact development, impair judgment, etc.).

ITA with this, too. That is why the only time we have really allowed my DSD to try it was when we were in Napa learning about it. We also have modeled responsible drinking. We have many conversations about responsible drinking including not drinking and driving. This comes up when we go out to dinner, and DH and I decide who will be driving home and therefore not drinking. Honesty has also been a major part in all of this with our children.

Overall, I think there is so much more to alcohol addiction than any of this is addressing. It can be a combination of genetics, life experience, circumstance, etc. that all adds up to a person having an addiction. It just is not as simple as saying, "Oh, he is an alcoholic because of the time(s) he was allowed to try a sip of his mom's beer.". kwim


----------



## Sailor (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *organicmommy05* 
I'm not getting the logic in some of these posts. Would you also allow them to smoke or do drugs just b/c they ask?

Well, when I was 16 and curious about drugs, my family took a trip to Amsterdam with me. Fun times had by all.









Alcoholism runs in my dad's side of the family. I think everyone has succombed to it over there.

However, I'm 25 - don't ever drink or do drugs.

So, it's really very individual. Alcohol around family and fun Amsterdam family trips didn't make me into an addict.


----------



## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Regarding the smoking or drugs thing...

I think the very best we can do is talk about the real dangers vs the hyped up DARE _"if you ever drink or smoke pot you WILL die for sure"_ crap. Real conversation. My Dh smokes cigarrettes but he'd like to stop. He's been very honest about how hard it's been to do that. We are not opposed to some pot smoking.







We are clear about how different substances affect different people, risks given where you are and who you are with when you do them, legality and consequences, etc.


----------



## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

my dad is Italian and allowed us little sips of beer on occasion. not a few times a week, maybe once every few months. and we did have Sambuca in our espresso when we were adolescents. I don't think that's a big deal and while I wouldn't encourage it, I wouldn't freak out if my dd happened to try a sip out of one of our drinks very rarely. I don't think there are any far reaching implications of that. we weren't usually (exception for champagne at weddings as a teen) allowed an entire glass of anything until we were over 21 in our parent's presence. my sister doesn't drink any alcohol and while I did have a binge drinking phase in my teens I am very certain it was totally unrelated to those little tastes.


----------



## calebsmommy25 (Aug 23, 2008)

I think it is ok for a sip once and a while. When we were children our parents would allow us one. To make us feel like we were drinking grown up drinks, they would pour us some sprite in a wine glass and put a little tiny bit of coke in it to make it look like their wine. It was our 'special' treat when mommy and daddy had a glass of wine or a beer. We loved it.


----------



## KayasMama04 (Feb 4, 2006)

It wouldn't happen here, I don't even let her have any kind of soda and rarely juice.


----------



## kneedeepnkidz (Jul 24, 2006)

My grandmother had these plastic wine glasses and we would get "kid's wine" aka sparkling white grape juice. You know the kind-comes in a champagne like bottle with the gold foil top. We would have it at Christmas and loved it. It became a tradition and now my kid's can't wait for kid's wine. They have tried real wine and sips of beer, but usually one sip is all they need to realize that it doesn't taste good!


----------



## RiverMamma (Jul 21, 2008)

We create our realities with our thoughts. When we live in fear, we create from a place of fear. I have known many an alchoholic, & many a responsible drinker. I think that sips as a kid has nothing to do with either outcome. I do believe that it is our responsibility to teach our children well regardless of wether we do it hands on or not.

OP- I think at that point in the game you could tell her some more about the physical and mental effects of alchohol to help explain why it is a grown up drink, and that she can no longer have regular sips because of those reasons.

BTW whoever posted that FAS can happen from 1 drink at any time is full of it! Fear that is. No one has ever had a FAS baby from one drink!!!!! If that's true... than most of the world's population has FAS!

Oh, also, genetics plays a large factor in alchohol metabolism. I think if I were Native American, I would not let my child taste alchohol, let allone drink it my self. Beeing Scottish & German, married to an Irish Frenchmen, I'm not overly concerned about it. I went to high school w/a guy from Russia who could drink vodka like water, but a little bit of tequila & he was floored. makes ya think!


----------



## Eaglevoice (Nov 30, 2004)

I think a lot of people who feel so strongly against allowing their dc to have a small sip of alcohol have most likely been affected by alcoholism in some form. Most people I know and associate with drink alcohol on a consistent, but moderate basis. On any given night, we may or may not have beer in our fridge or a few bottles of wine in our rack. We appreciate fine wines and high quality micro brew beers. If my dc ask for a sip I will undoubtedly give them a very small sip. I remember sipping my mothers glass of wine as a child. I never liked the taste, but liked the experience of tasting the grown up drink. I don't see a correlation between allowing a child to taste a drink and them turning into raging alcoholics. I truly enjoy the taste of certain wines and beers and I am no alcoholic. I hope to be able to share my knowledge of fine wines and good beer with my daughters as they grow. And at the same time, I will educate them on being responsible with alcohol. There are a lot of people who are able to have a drink and not feel the need to get drunk. I can stop at one drink. Maybe some of you who feel so strongly against allowing your dc to taste alcohol feel the way you do because you personally can't stop at just one drink and there fore have a negative association with alcohol... I'm not saying that's everyone's reason, just maybe some of the reasons for a lot of the strong negative reactions against allowing a child a small sip of wine or beer.


----------



## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Beckula* 
All right, I have read all of these responses and I just gotta say: addiction isn't about the substance itself. Do really think heroin addicts really LIKE the stuff and thats why they do it everyday? No. Its usually an issue within the chemical responses of the addict's brain. The same goes for alcoholism. Its not the alcohol itself that is the problem, its the person who's brain is telling them they "need" it to survive. A couple of sips off of Momma's beer or wine isn't going to cause alcoholism. I think modeling responsible drinking is more of an effective way to prevent bad decision making among teens and kids then banning it from your child's presence. JMHO.


ITA.

Also, those few folks in my family (on either side) who don't have serious drug or alcohol addictions tend to have big problems with sugar addiction. Same chemical pathways and all.


----------



## monkeys4mama (Apr 25, 2006)

I don't drink, but have in the past and dh still has an occasional drink. We don't allow our kids to sip alcoholic beverages. But we also don't make a huge deal out of it. The kids are young now. They understand that there are some things that are appropriate for grown-ups that aren't appropriate for kids. And they know that some drinks are for grown-ups. If a child wanted a taste, I'd allow them, to satisfy their curiosity. And if a child picked up a glass and drank some, I wouldn't get bent out of shape. But at their ages, I think it's perfectly OK to say that some things aren't appropriate for them to consume (or see or do). As they get older and if they develop greater curiousity, we'll adapt our approach as fits the situation. I don't think we're creating a "forbidden fruit" situation by choosing this way. But at the same time, I don't think the occasional sip is horrible.


----------



## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayasMama04* 
It wouldn't happen here, I don't even let her have any kind of soda and rarely juice.

Same here. I don't think my girls have ever had even juice! Water or milk only.


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I let my daughters have a glass of wine each whenever I serve wine- generally Friday nights and other Jewish holidays, less often Saturday at lunch and daytime holidays.

I offer DS a sip but he doesn't really like wine.


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Same here. I don't think my girls have ever had even juice! Water or milk only.

... and here's an interesting difference. I have no qualms serving a small glass of wine, but MILK? Yech. So many hormones. Unless it's hormone free and unpasteurized and unhomogenized, no thanks. Not for my kids.

I think this may be one to chalk up to "agree to disagree" or "different strokes for different folks." We all prioritize based on our life experiences.


----------



## mystic~mama (Apr 27, 2004)

great thread! this issue has come up...I have given dd sips in the past, I got worried because of how much she liked it.

I feel better after reading this...we brew our own beer too and I would like for us to be a little more relaxed and give her a sip. We drink organic wine once a week or so and she asks and hasnt had any for awhile...i think next time i'll surprise her and let her have a sip. and maybe on thanksgiving...we will see.


----------



## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
... and here's an interesting difference. I have no qualms serving a small glass of wine, but MILK? Yech. So many hormones. Unless it's hormone free and unpasteurized and unhomogenized, no thanks. Not for my kids.

I think this may be one to chalk up to "agree to disagree" or "different strokes for different folks." We all prioritize based on our life experiences.

It's rice milk.


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
It's rice milk.

Ok. The point still stands. We prioritize based on our experiences.


----------



## RiverMamma (Jul 21, 2008)

After giving it some thought, I think I would let my DD sip a good beer before leting her sip a Coke. (not that I will have to deal with this for a few years yet.) However, at least the former contains things like hops, barley, perhaps oats... as oposed to just a ton of sugar, cafeen, and artificial flavor.









My MIL drinks nothing but orange soda, oh and tang ocationaly. No water, ever. There are 53g of sugar in 1 of her sodas... 53g!







Now that's what I call an adiction!

My dad came to visit reciently, he brought us a couple of Samuel Smith oatmeal stouts, & said the lady at the liquor store told him "Did you know that this beer was originaly developed for lactating mothers?" Go figure!

Also, let us not forget that we are talking about sips when asked here, I used to have a neibor who once asked me for some juce while they were over. My DH said that he saw them put the juice in their 3yo DD's sippy cup w/ some whisky... to calm her down & knock her out basicly. Now that is WRONG!!!!!







I had some choice words the next time I saw them!







:


----------



## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RiverMamma* 

My dad came to visit reciently, he brought us a couple of Samuel Smith oatmeal stouts, & said the lady at the liquor store told him "Did you know that this beer was originaly developed for lactating mothers?" Go figure!



brilliant!


----------



## PlayaMama (Apr 1, 2007)

dh and i are both alcoholics. my dad, grandma, grandpa and both his parents are alcoholics.

at this point i can have 1/2 a glass occasionally but i don't like the way it impairs my judgment. we have no way to model responsible alcohol use and given our genetics i think ds and dd would do better not ever touching the stuff. i still haven't decided how we are going to do this because i try to practice CL for the most part but i have serious issues with alcohol.

to me, drinking every (or even most) nights a week sounds excessive. i don't really care if it's one beer or ten. a child having one sip or two to TRY would not be a concern to me but sipping on a regular basis would bother me at age five. that seems too young.

and frankly, just because "millions of french women" do it doesn't really have any bearing on me or my actions. honestly, it sounds like a justification or rationalization for doing something you know you shouldn't do









millions of americans do all sorts of things i would never consider for an instant. so, i'm not sure why a different culture's mores would overrule my own opinion.








:


----------



## RiverMamma (Jul 21, 2008)

PlayaMama, I think if I were in your shoes, I would steer clear as well. That seems the wisest thing to do given your circumstances. I think the cultural debate is based on personal reasoning. Like you said, there are American cultural things that are rediculous, and I tend to pick & choose from many cultures what resonates with and sounds reasonable to me. I don't subscribe to one culture or another, or religion for that matter. We don't have to fit into any particular box, we can reason & weigh what philosiphies suit our lives & personalities from a multitude of cultures, religions, etc... to create the best life for us as individuals, and for our families.
I think that you have chosen wisley for your life and your family.


----------



## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Ok. The point still stands. We prioritize based on our experiences.

Have you ever had "raw" milk? I grew up in a rural area, live on a farm and I have NEVER had raw milk? Is it good? I would be willing to try it, I just can't FIND it anywhere!


----------



## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

Nope. DS1 knows that beer and wine is for grown ups and when he is older he will be able to have some too but right now his body is still growing and alcohol would not be good for his growing body.

I was never allowed sips of alcohol as a child and I am not nor have I ever been an alcoholic. I didn't consider it 'forbidden fruit', just something like coffee that some adults enjoyed but I thought was gross.

We drink maybe once a month. (But that's mostly a money saving issue not a moral one)


----------



## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Have you ever had "raw" milk? I grew up in a rural area, live on a farm and I have NEVER had raw milk? Is it good? I would be willing to try it, I just can't FIND it anywhere!

I have had raw milk. It was creamier. Hard to find because a lot of states have outlawed it. At least mine has. (We bought directly from a local farmer for about 2 years before the law was passed.... I miss it, reusable glass bottles, the little letters about how the cows were doing. *sigh*)


----------



## Keeping up (Apr 7, 2004)

I let our dd (6 yrs) have a random sip on weekends.

My dh and I have a drink every night - on a light night, it is one glass of wine other nights it is a bottle between the two of us (so 2 glasses ish) of wine. I have no issues doing it - helps me sleep better, and unwind after a very stressful day (I am a WOHM in a time pressure job). It adds calories and expenses so we are contemplating cutting back - but not because of it is alcohol content. Excercise would be better all round - but who has time for that (I only wish I did!)

I grew up this way - my dh grew up with scotch every night in his household - all reasonable boundaries. I don't expect anything negative from a sip at the family dinner table - I think it will create responsibility. It isn't illegal in my province so no issues there.

I understand people's reluctant to alcohol if they have a history of dependency - makes sense to me.

I have a fear of dependency so I set up all these odd rules - don't drink alone, no drinking on a empty stomach and no alcohol before 6pm.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Breeder* 
I was never allowed sips of alcohol as a child and I am not nor have I ever been an alcoholic. I didn't consider it 'forbidden fruit', just something like coffee that some adults enjoyed but I thought was gross.

Yeah, me neither, and I've never been an alcoholic either.


----------



## guestmama9904 (Jul 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mata* 
well, many Europeans I know _do_ have drinking problems. I grew up in a very pro- alcohol-sipping-for-kids household, and I do think it contributed in part to bad habits later in life.....

certainly anyone of any nationality can aquire alcoholism or alcohol abuse/misuse. however my Europeon grandparents allowed my father and his brother to have sips/small glasses of wine frequently and esspresso whenever they wanted as kids, and neither my dad nor his brother ended up with alcoholism or alcohol abuse as a lifelong problem. (but they do love their esspresso and coffee!) these grandparents exhibited what i would consider to be a healthy relationship with alcohol, drinking socially or with a meal and not in excess and not ever to where it created negative consequences for them or anyone around them.

My mother on the other hand grew up in an alcoholic family, her father was a severly ill alcoholic and at least 2 out of 8 sibling aquired alcoholism and one other sibling was hit and killed by a drunk driver while he himself was also drunk, dancing in the street at age 18







. but my mother grew up healthy and not alcoholic and to this day enjoys a glass or two of wine or beer a few nights a week. my dad actually chooses to not drink any alcohol as it causes him to feel sluggish the next day at even 1/2 a glass.

I did abuse alcohol as a teenager but fortunately never aquired alcoholism and i certainly was not forbidden to try alcohol as a kid, nor was drinking forced on me, i just made choices as a young adult/teen that weren't the healthiest but i dont blame this in any way on having been allowed to try wine occaisionally as a child. also I am half Jewish and was allowed wine on Jewish holidays such as Passover.

my son has never had any interest in even trying wine so it's been a non-issue thus far, he is 7 years old. if he does want to try a bit i will let him but my husband and i don't usually have any alcohol in the house as we just don't like to drink much.


----------



## PlayaMama (Apr 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RiverMamma* 
PlayaMama, I think if I were in your shoes, I would steer clear as well. That seems the wisest thing to do given your circumstances. I think the cultural debate is based on personal reasoning. Like you said, there are American cultural things that are rediculous, and I tend to pick & choose from many cultures what resonates with and sounds reasonable to me. I don't subscribe to one culture or another, or religion for that matter. *We don't have to fit into any particular box, we can reason & weigh what philosiphies suit our lives & personalities from a multitude of cultures, religions, etc... to create the best life for us as individuals, and for our families.*
I think that you have chosen wisley for your life and your family.


thanks mama!! this issue is NOT easy for me and i seriously wish i could model 1 drink/ month and have alcohol not be an issue. i am concerned about the "forbidden fruit" aspect for our kids but i figure i will just explain explain explain!

nak, i especially agree with the bolded part. coming to threads like these it always surprises me the variance in what is considered reasonable. helps me to see things from a different perspective!


----------



## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

not really but thats because DH and I are just not drinkers the very few times we do its easy just to say not its for grown ups. We take wine with communion and of course when she takes her first she will start that as well. I also wouldnt be against allowing the single one time taste but not countinued sipping.

Deanna


----------



## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

My kids are (practically) 6 and 3 and they both get one finger dip if e have wine or beer with dinner.
No sips unless it is a Major holiday.
My kids would never dream of drinking soda...if asked they laugh b/c they know soda is never allowed...a glass of wine however will generally get little sneaky finger in it.


----------



## Masel (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
She can't develop her palette starting at 21?

21 is too late. She'll be away at college. If the first thing she tastes is Bud Lite.... no good can come of that.

I think it would be cool for her to start a batch of mead at 11 and served it on her 21st birthday.

Many many thanks to those who posted the Alcohol Policy Information System links. It is very nice to have one's instincts backed up by law. What I'm doing is not illegal here.


----------



## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Yeah, it's okay for my kids to have alcohol at my house. Which is 98% the only place they have it.









I think I was 11 the first time I had a full wine cooler? Dunno now...


----------



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Have you ever had "raw" milk? I grew up in a rural area, live on a farm and I have NEVER had raw milk? Is it good? I would be willing to try it, I just can't FIND it anywhere!

Oh yeah. The dairy down the street sells grass-fed, raw, and no hormones.







: You should try it! It's a PITA to find, though.


----------



## finn'smama (Jan 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
I don't think thee is anything wrong with a sip or two o even a small glass on special occasions but the constant asking would irritate me regardless of what i was drinking.

This exactly.

I allow a sip or two. That is all I will allow of soda as well though. Funnily enough, ds1 calls pop beer!


----------



## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Masel* 
21 is too late. She'll be away at college. If the first thing she tastes is Bud Lite.... no good can come of that.

.











I feel like I have a heavy responsibility to teach my kids healthy drinking habits as they have alcoholism on their dad's side of the family. So I do drink with them around and let them know there are responsible healthy drinking habits (by modelling and explaining) and I do allow them sips. I don't want it to appear taboo. I want them to be able to tell me if they start drinking when they're older and to be honest with me. That way I can guide them a little and keep an eye on their safety and just generally know what's up with them. So I'm not going to model dishonesty and I'm not going to attach a bunch of shame to drinking or the chances of them telling me if they do start will be slim to none.


----------



## BaBaBa (Jun 30, 2007)

Anyone hear on CBC radio today about a study that shows the earlier kids are exposed to alcohol the less likely they are to develop drinking problems as adults?
I missed much of it but I heard something about adding a teaspoon of wine to their water.....?


----------



## ShwarmaQueen (Mar 28, 2008)

Alcohol is poison- I wouldn't voluntarily put that into my child's body. I drank as a young adult and it made me do things I regret and made me depressed (one sip is all it takes- depression runs strong in our family).


----------



## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BaBaBa* 
Anyone hear on CBC radio today about a study that shows the earlier kids are exposed to alcohol the less likely they are to develop drinking problems as adults?
I missed much of it but I heard something about adding a teaspoon of wine to their water.....?

I only heard a snip of it too. Darn!


----------



## Joyster (Oct 26, 2007)

My guys haven't had a taste. We generally don't drink, and when we find ourselves doing so, the kids are often in bed or we're out at a dinner alone. My 3 year old has never really asked to taste my drinks other than water/juice/milk. It's not taboo, but it's pretty much a non-issue simply because we don't drink much.


----------



## RiverMamma (Jul 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Have you ever had "raw" milk? I grew up in a rural area, live on a farm and I have NEVER had raw milk? Is it good? I would be willing to try it, I just can't FIND it anywhere!

Yes! it is wonderful! I can handel raw milk just fine, but not regular store bought milk. I have goats, so that's how I get my own raw goat milk, but I didn't milk this year because I kidded around the same time my goats did!







Anyways, there is a raw milk share in our reigon, I used to live by them & work for them, now though I just buy from them. Oh, & raw cow works just as well for me as the goat. I don't know how to tell you to find a milk share in your area, I know they are arround though. This one little farm delivers milk as far south as Santa Fe, NM to as far north as Aspen , CO. Maby just start asking around.


----------



## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

Responding first to give my gut answer, then I'm going back to read responses. I don't see much harm in a child tasting beer or wine (or like the 1/4 inch of champagne I was allowed on New Years Eve, I also loved to dip my tongue in Creme de Mint...wouldn't touch that stuff now, but it was the HUGEST treat as a kid.)

With mine, though, the answer is no. My kids have huge mouths and the last thing I need is them announcing "We drank WINE last night with Mommy!!" to their Montessori class.







: Seriously, though, that stuff taken out of context can really raise some eyebrows!


----------



## sungodis (Jun 18, 2006)

I will definitely let my DS have a sip of my wine or whatever when he is old enough to ask. I think that it is important that it not be made into something super cool and forbidden. It is also NOT illegal for a parent to serve their own child alcohol in the privacy of their own home in any state I have ever lived in (five ATM







).

On the other hand, the thing that bothered me about the OP was the frequency. In fact, she herself seems to be uncomfortable with it as well. I don't think (at her child's age) I would be OK with it more than a few times a month at the most. Of course, it would depend on the size of the sips, etc. I really liked the idea of a special glass or special drink until they were old enough to really know the difference. I know my son mostly just likes drinking out of my cup... at least I drink a lot more water, now!









I think comparing giving your child alcohol to giving them drugs or cigarettes is kind of out there since they are obviously illegal and could get your children taken away. Obviously, there are some states where it is a problem, and I wouldn't give them alcohol there since it would never be worth the risk. Just my opinion.


----------



## StarMom2 (Apr 29, 2008)

Wow - great thread. I actually looked it up because I gave my DS a tsp of brandy in his apple cider before bed tonight because he has a cold. I was curious whether that was legal or what a safe amount was to give a small child. I am relieved to know that it is not illegal in my state for a parent to make this decision themselves. I did grow up with an alcoholic mother who obviously did not model good choices in this area. My father, on the other hand, was (and still is) a bartender. Yet, he modeled responsible drinking to me. I remember drinking my first small glass of wine at age three. I have never been drunk, but I do drink wine occasionally. I agree with those who have said that alcoholism and drug addiction go deeper than allowing a child a sip of wine. IMHO, it is safer to take away the taboo aspect and to teach children responsibility. In reality, both of my parents taught me a lesson. My mother taught me what not to do in this area, and my father taught me how to drink responsibly.


----------



## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Don't know what I'd do if we drank alcohol w/regards to kids & sipping.
We don't drink (never acquired the taste, I guess), so









The amt. of alcohol you describe drinking & sharing with your child _sounds_ like a lot to me, but then, like I said, we don't drink alcohol at all, no one in our family does, other than the occasional drink while out to dinner, and we're Americans, so drinking daily isn't exactly the norm, I guess... maybe my gauge to norm is slightly skewed.









If it's helpful at all, I let my DD & DS sip my coffee & tea when they ask. I've never called them "adult" drinks... but I do tell them that they have caffeine in them, which isn't good for childrens' growing bodies. And I do say no thanks to sharing after the first sip, if they ask again. And if DD or DS start asking routinely/frequently, I will just redirect them to their own drink.

Maybe instead of "adult drink" you address the aspect of alcohol not being good for growing kids bodies, that might help reduce the asking? Do you provide her with a separate special drink when you're drinking?

I think that alcohol CAN be a big problem when used incorrectly. I do agree somewhat with the forbidden fruit line of thinking. But I can't completely agree... because I don't see that by us NOT drinking, that our kids are going to somehow run out & desperately try alcohol as soon as they possibly can. It's not that we're KEEPING it from them, its just not part of our daily lives. I don't think things need to be introduced in order to acheive restraint. I think explaination & disclosure is key. Being honest & up front that alcohol CAN be addicting and CAN be dangerous, that it should NEVER be drank before driving a car, but that it can also be enjoyable in the right circumstances is the best way.


----------



## Freedom~Mama (Apr 6, 2008)

Yes for me. DH and I don't drink often but when we do we will occasionally give a small sip to our girls. I grew up with my parents doing the same thing and since I was used to that I never went to any parties or drank because I saw alcohol as something to be used in moderation for celebrations not to get drunk on.


----------



## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

We drink maybe a couple times a year, if that, & the kids are allowed a sip or 2.

I don't know if my parents gave me sips as a kid, except for when a guy who was rooming with us brought back champagne from Europe. They were big wine drinkers, though & quite often had a glass with supper. Starting around 16/17 (legal age here is 18), they (ok, dad, but mom never said anything about it) would buy me alcohol for special occasions. I think it maybe happend 3 or 4 times. I remember once when we had a French exchange student, my graduation bbq & my grad party, for sure. And we could have a half glass of wine with dinner occasionally if we wanted. Never have liked wine, though. Yuck.


----------



## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

So here I am with a glass of wine reading the thread finding myself singing "Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo". DD stops by asks why I was singing that particular song so I explain the thread.

*DD eyes the glass of wine*
Me: Want a taste?
*Dd tastes it*
DD: nope, still don't like it.

She had her first sip of wine at about 5, she spit it back in the glass. The next time she asked was tonight. So yes, we allow a sip of wine if she asks.

My dad never had to deal with it because I never really asked. I was 7 when I had my first "sip". The quotation marks are because I got a hold of someones Rum & Coke and took a big swallow. Dad told me I might feel a little funny because of the alcohol. When I was a teen, alcohol wasn't much of a mistery because we had talked about alcohol before and I was offered chance when I showed interest. He did tell me once to never by the cheap crap because the only thing you get out of that stuff was a buzz and that's not what alcohol is about. That was an interesting conversation, I relaize that day my dad was big on enjoying wine as one would enjoy a fancy dinner. It's not about the eating, it's about enjoying the flavour and the specialness. I did my share of binge drinking as a teen, that was always thought out before hand and I accepted the fact that if I came home drunk enough to have a hangover the next day, my dad would make no consessions for the hangover.

I do enjoy a glass of wine most nights, so does DH. We have other alcohol in the house, but that's more for our private together time (I will admit with only limited shame that I enjoy body shots but not for the buzz







).

Would I allow her drugs? Well, if she came to us wanting to try MJ, then yes we'd allow it. Why? Because one way or another she's going to try it if she really wants to and at least I know what's in the stuff we have (yes dh and I smoke it occasionally when dd is staying with mom or dad for the night. No flames please.) unlike what any of her friends can get which could have anything from pesticides to hard drugs laced in there.

In BC it's legal for us to give DD alcohol in our home.

I truly do not understand the parents who will give their children the cheap horrible tasting alcohol to trick them into thinking it's all gross. It's not all gross and the kid will find out eventually. Trust is also a very important think in our house, and lying to dd is not something DH or I would ever do.


----------



## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Not a chance in







: me and dh do not drink at all. Though dh has in the far distant past.

I personally have only had a sip of beer and 1 wine cooler in my nearly 37years. I was 17 for both the beer and cooler.

Not only does my religion forbid it but both sides of my family have alcoholics. I dont see a reason why anyone would want to give it to their child







: What is the point?

They grow up fast enough anyway being exposed to alcohol that young is jumping the gun big time.


----------



## Theia (Oct 30, 2007)

This has been an interesting read. I fall in the camp that when my DD is older (I'm not sure of the age, but I've got a few years to figure that out) I will allow her to have a sip or small glass if she asks for it. Even at this point she has had alcohol twice in Rescue Remedy. Alcohol is alcohol regardless of what the bottle or glass looks like.

I just wanted to offer my own experiences as a child. My parents were "T-Totalers" as they called themselves. No alcohol at all, not even on holidays or celebrations. In earlier childhood though, I do seem to remember the men having beer out in the garage away from the children. I did not see drinking modeled in anyway really (except maybe that you should be sneaky with it). I did hear lots of negative scare tactic stuff surrounding alcohol and it's real dangers, I have a few uncles that are alcoholics. But at some point when I was maybe 15 or so, alcohol was brought into the home, mostly for cooking (I was told) and I don't remember seeing either parent drink it at that time. When I was 16 at some point it occurred to me to start taking shots here or there. Then I'd drive. I also encouraged a friend to sneak alcohol from her parents cabinet too. I was the child out drinking with my friends and driving around on gravel roads in the country so we would be less likely to run into cops. I would drink to the point of vomiting, so I was not being responsible with it in anyway. Then after 18 I ended up traveling overseas and living in a country where the legal age was 16. My irresponsible drinking behaviors continued minus the whole driving thing. It took me way too long to become a responsible drinker. And I am amazed that I survived my experimentation period. I would drink to the point of incoherence and for an 18yo woman that is very dangerous. One time while living in a dorm situation I had been out drinking heavily. I was with my boyfriend at the time, and he made sure to get me back safely to my place in bed. He went down to his room for a while. But for some reason he decided to come up and check on me. I was choking, lying on my back unable to vomit and unable to roll over. He rolled me on my side and I'm sure he witnessed more of me than he wanted to see. Then he cleaned me and my mess up. And wouldn't you know he cleaned it so well that I didn't believe him when he told me about it the next morning. And this bit of knowledge still wasn't enough for me to change my habits either. Really, it wasn't until my mid-late 20's before I calmed down and begin to develop an appreciation for different kinds of alcohol. Now in my mid-late 30's I would consider myself a responsible drinker, but it was a long and dangerous road despite my parents well intended actions.

I just wanted to add my experience in there. I did exactly what my parents were afraid of and trying to prevent by not having alcohol in the house. My parents are not drinkers in anyway. Very very occasionally dad will have a beer, or mom used to drink a tiny glass of blackberry wine. But I didn't ever see them model such behaviors with alcohol until I was well into adulthood. I think if I had seen them doing their normal behavior of occasional drinks (in this case sometimes not even monthly) while I was still an impressionable child things might have been different. Pure speculation of course. Just my 2 cents.


----------



## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

I don't see how there could be a law against it considering the church my daughter does choir with has open communion and has been offering her a sip of wine at each service since she was a young four year old and joined the choir.

I don't think it matters much either way.


----------



## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

I have let my kids have sips, my mom let me have sips when I was a kid, and dh's parents did the same, and we are far from alcoholics... I don't want it to be forbidden or cool to drink to get drunk at 18 like it was for so many when I was in high school, and I think be allowed to drink it, in controlled amounts, is a possible (I doubt it's 100% effective, or the only way) way of avoiding that. When they are older and bigger I will allow them to have their own glass with a small amount in it at special occasions, like nye.


----------



## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I wanted to add that my dad used to drink before he married my mom she refused to marry him until he promised not to any more because she grew up with and alcoholic father and her life sucked because of it. Well shortly after I was born my mom caught my dad hiding a beer outside and she got me and my older half brother dressed and took off walking down the road she has never drove. My dad decided that day that my mom and us kids where more important to him than having a beer. He never drank again and actually became a preacher









So I was NEVER exposed to drinking growing up and heard the stories and knew I would also follow my mom's example and not marry someone who drunk and I didnt and I would never drink (curious I took a taste yes but that is as far as it went).

My dh on the other hand grew up in a drinking family not alcoholic but drinking socially and on special occasions he did end up drinking on occasion and getting drunk a few times. He was never taught drinking was bad so he didnt see it that way.

Now everyone is different and some can be taught something then go on to do it anyway while others learn from being taught and never make the mistake.

For me I will be teaching my kids as I was taught and hope they follow my example.

So if you dont see drinking as a problem then giving your child alcohol isnt a big deal I guess.


----------



## guestmama9917 (Oct 26, 2008)

i do not have children, however, i would allow my child to have sips of alcohol but only if they asked.

my dh's family allows teenagers to drink at family gatherings, sometimes 2-3 whole drinks (usually beer) i do NOT agree with this.

just my 2 cents.


----------



## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

nope. my dad is an alcoholic... i also dont let them sip soda on a regular basis. i have played up on how gross carbonation is. They have had.... 1 or 2 sips of soda in their lives and hate it......


----------



## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angela&avery* 
nope. my dad is an alcoholic... i also dont let them sip soda on a regular basis. i have played up on how gross carbonation is. They have had.... 1 or 2 sips of soda in their lives and hate it......

Why is carbonation gross?


----------



## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamajama* 
Why is carbonation gross?

well.. I dont think its gross... which is the problem







, I grew up drinking a ton of soda, and really dont want my kids to get hooked on it like I was. If my kids decide they like soda, it will be allowed on special occasions, etc... but Id rather they not like it, personally. A friend of mine did that with her dd and to this day she hates soda.. she is 16. I just remind them how gross and "spicy" they thought it was the last time they tried it, usually this makes them not want to try it again.


----------



## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Ahhh I see.







That wouldn't fly in my house because I'm always drinking naturally carbonated mineral water which I am sort of almost addicted to.


----------



## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamajama* 
Ahhh I see.







That wouldn't fly in my house because I'm always drinking naturally carbonated mineral water which I am sort of almost addicted to.

heh, well if only i could like that stuff, it turns out i like the sweet of the soda PLUS the carbonation...LOL

Also, i have terrible teeth and so far so good, but its sooo bad for their teeth, which is another reason I try to avoid it altogether..

i dont keep soda in the house...


----------



## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

In our house we rarely drink alcohol. Holidays, special occasions, an occasional nerve soother, that's it. There is almost always a bottle of wine or a beer or 2 in the fridge and a stocked bar in the house though (we still have the leftover booze from our wedding...7 years ago!)

We do drink a few beers at BBQ type get togethers with friends.

I have no problem with my 5 year old having a few sips. When we are drinking beer from the backyard cooler we stock some IBC root beers for her.

We were at a family wedding last month and I let DD finish the last 4 sips of champagne from my glass. My sister (who PARTIES) was super pissed off and chewed me out for it. I think the scene she made was more harmful than the champagne.









It's up to each family to decide for themselves what is best. Only you know your family history and your kids. Only you should make the decision. What I do in my house really does not matter.


----------



## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

No way! Its against our religion and its not allowed in our house. I also come from a family where there are a lot of alcoholics.


----------



## *LoveBugMama* (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
And alcohol laws here are 18 yo. for beer/wine and 20 for liquer, so nobody can give anyone under that age alcohol, including parents. It's not something we would do here either, different cultures I guess, and I'm very happy it's like that here.

(We're scandinavian.)


I`m Norwegian (part of Scandinavia, ofcourse) and that`s the law here, too.








I feel that the difference in the laws regarding children here, and in USA, is that most scandinavian laws are to protect the child from EVERYONE who does something that is considered a bad thing for the child. But it seems, from my limited knowledge, that the focus in USA is more on the FAMILY? That in a family you are allowed to do "what you want" because it is your children, and thus your deciscion? In Norway children are their own in a much bigger way, it seems like. The focus is more on childrens right, not on parental rights.







This can be both positive and negative, depending on the issue, I feel.









Ooh, and about Europeans and drinking: Norway is part of Europe, and I can tell you that we don`t drink in the way you typically talk about European drinking. Not at all. I think what you guys label as Europe in this thread, is more like Southern Europe, like Italy, Greece, Spain etc. It is definitely not the way Norwegians, and most scandinavians, drink. Here it is not normal to give kids alcohol at all. And I have seen plenty of research to back up this, so I will not give my child alcohol.


----------



## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

I don't have time to read through this whole thread, so I hope I'm not posting something that's now completely off-topic. I just wanted to say that there is alcoholism on BOTH sides of my family, and my sisters and I grew up drinking (watered) wine at dinner when my parents did - maybe a couple times a week at most? I don't think we started as young as five, but I'm sure we were allowed sips then.

None of us has a problem with alcohol, none of us abused it as teenagers. One sister has similar depressive problems and mental health issues as one of my alcoholic uncles, yet she has no difficulty drinking responsibly and I have never even had a suspicion that she used alcohol for any purpose other than her hobby of wine-snobbery.

Honestly, I don't think that childhood exposure to responsible alcohol consumption, and the odd sip or taste, could have a negative impact on whether a person develops alcoholism later on in life. Overindulging peer groups in high school? Sure. But sips with mom and dad, no. I don't think it's a sure-fire preventative, but I don't think it can hurt, either.


----------



## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 

I truly do not understand the parents who will give their children the cheap horrible tasting alcohol to trick them into thinking it's all gross. It's not all gross and the kid will find out eventually. Trust is also a very important think in our house, and lying to dd is not something DH or I would ever do.

I don't understand the lying part either. I don't lie to my children. But telling your child that alcohol tastes gross isn't lying when it comes from me... because I really believe it tastes gross!







I don't like the taste at all, in fact I find it gag-inducing. I can't even stand the smell of alcohol.

Each to his own, I guess. I don't think its a big loss, as alcohol has more negatives than positives in my eye.


----------



## Alison's Mom (May 3, 2007)

My kids are only 2 and 4, and I hardly ever drink. DH has beer sometimes and drinks socially, so they don't see us drinking that often. DS, when he was maybe 1, picked up an almost empty beer can when we were having a party and my dad thought it would be really funny to let him have a sip. My mom nearly had a fit.

I would be OK letting them have a sip or two when they're older - haven't really given it much thought, but I do think that having an easy going attitude about alcohol and letting them have small amounts at home in our presence before they are legal is probably a good thing so they're not obsessed with it.


----------



## east carolina (Apr 5, 2006)

I live in hops and beer country, and DH really enjoys a good beer and will often have one with dinner. I don't drink much. We've gotten into the habit of buying non-alcoholic beer for me, and I don't even have that everyday. It has 0 alcohol content (kombucha would have more) and it's unpasteurized, so it has all the goodies from the hops.

DS is 3.5 and so far he knows that alcohol is only for adults and that he can have non-alcoholic beer.

Dunno when we'll start giving him sips. Probably not til he's much older, like closer to 10.


----------



## *MamaJen* (Apr 24, 2007)

My parents were Catholics from New Orleans with recent European family roots, and they often had wine with dinner and that sort of thing. They actually have a full bar in their house -- they do a lot of entertaining. But I have never seen them drunk, with the possible exception of being maybe a bit aglow with holiday cheer at their annual New Year's Eve party. But I've never seen them for-real drunk.
They let me sip wine when I was little, and maybe from the time I was 14 or so they let me have a little half-glass of wine with dinner, that sort of thing. I think I grew up with a very sensible relationship to drinking. I really didn't
drink in high school unless it was wine with dinner with my parents, and when I got to college, I think I was a lot better off that some kids who were raised to think alcohol was the devil.
About four years ago, before my current partner, I dated an alcoholic and saw first hand how ugly and miserable true alcoholism is. There's nothing romantic about it, and it opened my eyes to why some people are so anti-drinking. It made me reevaluate my own relationship with drinking, and it solidified in my own mind what is acceptable for me -- a glass of wine or a beer or two here and there, a happy hour cocktail sipped and slowly savored, and the rare, rare night of cutting loose (like my grandpa said, moderation in all things, including moderation.)
So I guess at some point I'd let DS interact with alcohol in the same way I did. But I wouldn't push it on him. I've seen some, y'know, kind of trashy looking parents goading their kids into taking a swig of beer and then laughing at them. That's pretty appalling. But if DS asks for a sip of wine at the dinner table, I think I'd give it to him.


----------



## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

I grew up with parents who were very relaxed about alcohol. Early on we were allowed tastes and small glasses of what the adults were drinking. As we got older into teen years, we were allowed to drink whatever at home.

The only thing I found it did for me was to demystify alcohol. When all my teenage friends went through the big 'let's steal some of our parent's booze and sneak out' I was 'meh'. It didn't do anything for me.

Funnily enough, neither dh or I drink (more that we don't enjoy the taste of most alcoholic beverages) although dd1 is allowed a taste of whatever any adult at the table is having (if they're willing to share! lol)


----------



## pumpkinhead (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nursemummy* 
I grew up with parents who were very relaxed about alcohol. Early on we were allowed tastes and small glasses of what the adults were drinking. As we got older into teen years, we were allowed to drink whatever at home.

The only thing I found it did for me was to demystify alcohol. When all my teenage friends went through the big 'let's steal some of our parent's booze and sneak out' I was 'meh'. It didn't do anything for me.

Funnily enough, neither dh or I drink (more that we don't enjoy the taste of most alcoholic beverages) although dd1 is allowed a taste of whatever any adult at the table is having (if they're willing to share! lol)

This is more or less my story also. There is alcoholism on both sides of my family, but my mother and father have managed to escape it and my brother and I are not afflicted. They taught us by example what it was to drink responsibly.

I allow my 6 year old the occasional sip of an alcoholic beverage. He's tasted it maybe 3 times in his life. I'm comfortable with that.

I also allow him the occasional sip of beverages sweetened with aspartame.


----------



## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

no


----------



## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

nope. there is a reason that there are legal drinking ages. its just not good for you in any amount at that age.


----------



## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

absolutely not.


----------



## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

My grandfather let me suck the foam off of his beer. I am not sure exactly how old I was, but younger than five.

My family are pretty big social drinkers. Not wild parties, fall down drunk kind of drinking, but beer on a hot day, wine with dinner, sort of thing. I was allowed to try drinks growing up, but wasn't allowed to have a full beverage of my own until I was legal age (19).

My dad always used to tell me that learning how to drink responsibly is an important part of becoming an adult. I couldn't agree more.

So when my babe is old enough to ask, I would let her have a sip of what I was drinking. If I felt like she was asking too often, I would be more inclined to cut down on my own drinking, rather than starting to say no. I can see letting her have one (ONE!) drink of her own as an older teenager, say 16+, while at home. I would never supply alcohol for her friends.

I think it is really a cultural thing. In Canada the legal age is 18 or 19 depending on the province, not 21, and it is perfectly legal to give your own kid alcohol in your own home.


----------



## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *just_lily* 
My grandfather let me suck the foam off of his beer. I am not sure exactly how old I was, but younger than five.

My family are pretty big social drinkers. Not wild parties, fall down drunk kind of drinking, but beer on a hot day, wine with dinner, sort of thing. I was allowed to try drinks growing up, but wasn't allowed to have a full beverage of my own until I was legal age (19).

My dad always used to tell me that learning how to drink responsibly is an important part of becoming an adult. I couldn't agree more.

So when my babe is old enough to ask, I would let her have a sip of what I was drinking. If I felt like she was asking too often, I would be more inclined to cut down on my own drinking, rather than starting to say no. I can see letting her have one (ONE!) drink of her own as an older teenager, say 16+, while at home. I would never supply alcohol for her friends.

I think it is really a cultural thing. In Canada the legal age is 18 or 19 depending on the province, not 21, and it is perfectly legal to give your own kid alcohol in your own home.

I really like this post.

I was taught that aclohol was EVIL and that people who consumed it were EVIL as well









My first experience with alcohol was when I was 12 yo and my friend's parent's (Hard core bikers) gave us Mad Dog 20/20
I didn't understand at the time how messed up it was. I certainly didn't understand that people could drink responsibly. I thought it was alcoholic or nuthin' because that is what I was taught. So I got in a lot of trouble with alcohol, before I learned how to consume responsibly.

I have given DS #1 sips of wine in the past few months. He doesn't like it...







easier for me

nak crazy octopus boy so gotta go







:


----------



## Freud (Jan 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PrennaMama* 
I second this... there seems to be some waffling here that might be confusing or sending mixed signals. OP asked how we think she's doing, and I think sending mixed signals is setting one up for unnecessary struggle...

Alcohol in and of itself actually has not been empirically proven to have "health benefits." Of _any kind._ However, moderate alcohol consumption has been linked to cardiovascular health, and largely, it's believed that the European penchant for wine accounts for the link there... It's the grapes that have the anti-oxidants found to improve cardiovascular health... and one can get the same "health benefits" from grape juice.

Here is a link to a Harvard study on Alcohol and Health Benefits

There are also studies with data showing that cigarette smoking has some health benefits, too...

I'd say smoking in moderation and drinking in moderation are totally in the same family, and comparable. And I'll not be giving my child previews of either vice before she's old enough to make an informed decision about it herself. She trusts me to take care of her health and best interests... 5 is too young, IMO.

I think this is an interesting pov. Maybe there are some few exceptions, but for the most part, I imagine many mothers know that alcohol in even the tiniest dose, at any one of a number of crucial developmental points while in the womb, can cause FAS. And until about 36 mo, the brain is creating and destroying upwards of 50,000 synnapses a day. It seems a safe leap to make that alcohol introduced to that brain at a "wrong moment" could trigger developmental issues, and just because folks _do_, it or have done it, legally or not, doesn't speak to the rightness of it, or how that child will view, process, and carry forth with those decisions later.

Nice post. I agree with it all.


----------



## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i absolutely would. we were all allowed to taste alcohol growing up.. and i was allowed to drink it with dinner and such around 16 or so...so were my friends..







we are all responsible drinkers.. more so then anyone else i meet in college. i grew up around responsible drinking... i had no desire to drink until i puked like everyone in my dorm. the first time i got drunk i was with my parents .. on a cruise ship.. it was legal. i guess i don't get what the big deal is.

and there was a post somewhere back there that said early introduction of alcohol contributes to alcoholism.. which is completely untrue. alcoholism in your family makes it more likely. if you are around responsible drinking and your parents and family model responsible alcohol consumption there is no reason to say that it would lead to alcoholism.


----------



## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

This issue is really huge for me but for the sake of my pregnancy induced high blood pressure I will keep this very short and not read any other answers.

NO. Have not and will not ever do that (nor would I recommend, commend, or find it positive that other choose to allow any amount of alcohol). I've never had a single sip of alcohol myself so it is entirely possible to get through life never being allowed by parents or yourself. My parents weren't excessivly strick by many means so it was in most part my decision not to partake in underage drinking.

I won't explain the details of why I dont' think ANYONE should drink but will simply say that life without alcohol is not a life of depravation or missed experiences. Kids should have convictions, and that was always mine... I'm very glad I made that decision at a young age and will empower my own children in hopes that they too will make what I see as the wise decision in this matter, not to drink.

it's very hard not to judge others based on this decision but, I do always try to keep an open mind and allow for other to have valid explainations for their actions either way. It's a toughie for me.


----------



## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FondestBianca* 
This issue is really huge for me but for the sake of my pregnancy induced high blood pressure I will keep this very short and not read any other answers.

NO. Have not and will not ever do that (nor would I recommend, commend, or find it positive that other choose to allow any amount of alcohol). I've never had a single sip of alcohol myself so it is entirely possible to get through life never being allowed by parents or yourself. My parents weren't excessivly strick by many means so it was in most part my decision not to partake in underage drinking.

I won't explain the details of why I dont' think ANYONE should drink but will simply say that life without alcohol is not a life of depravation *or missed experiences.* Kids should have convictions, and that was always mine... I'm very glad I made that decision at a young age and will empower my own children in hopes that they too will make what I see as the wise decision in this matter, not to drink.

it's very hard not to judge others based on this decision but, I do always try to keep an open mind and allow for other to have valid explainations for their actions either way. It's a toughie for me.

But it is missed experiences. For some it's missed drunken parties and for others (like me) I would miss out on all the amazing wines etc. I have enjoyed as part of my cultural experiences.


----------

