# I am wandering if there are other parents that find thenselves doing both AP parenting and main stream parenting



## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

I find myself doing both main stream parenting and AP parenting. There are some things I have tried and it did does not work for our family like gental guildence. I am wandering if there are other parents that find themselves also doing a bit of both and does it work


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

I would venture to guess that the vast majority of parents here at MDC do exactly what you are talking about.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Oh yes, that's me!

I was a super AP parent when ds was a baby and toddler, but I find that I am much less AP now. We still do gentle discipline and would NEVER EVER hit or shame, but I do expect ds to listen and do what I say.









I thought Waldorf would be perfect for us .. and in the end, it wasn't. I let ds watch some tv and play video games. He's getting a wii on Sunday for his b'day.







: He goes to public school, and we are loving it.

Compared to so many of my friends, I'm crunchy! We eat very healthy, whole foods. I'm careful to make sure ds does not eat HFCS or food dyes. They think I'm extra patient and gentle in my parenting!

But here at MDC, I don't feel crunchy at all!


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## DoingDoing:Julie (May 8, 2008)

Thats me too! We arent going to cloth diaper, we will have to vaccinate, and there is a 95% probability of us doing public school! There is no such thing as "right for everyone" otherwise that is what the world would look like.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

We didn't cosleep, except for the occasional time, because my DF was convinced he was going to crush the baby. She did sleep in a Pack N Play next to the bed for her first four months, and is just now sleeping in her room accross the hall.

I am formula feeding, but not for any lack of trying to breast feed. I have learned a lot from my experiences in this area, and hope it will help me in establishing a successful bf relationship with future babes.

And my baby hates (with extreme passion) being in a sling. We own a stroller, and I like the convenience of taking her bucket seat out of the car, and snapping it into the stroller.

But... we don't CIO, aren't vaxing (I am still researching, but at this point I don't see it ever happening), CD, eat organic foods, won't introduce tv until age two and then it will be severely limited, have banned all things branded with Dora and Baby Einstein from our house, and eat as much organic food as possible and practical. When she gets older I hope to practice both non-punitive and non-permissive parenting.

So, yup. Definitely a mix here.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Depends on what all you lump under AP









We watch our share of TV and have fast food now and then, but neither is really AP - related though they're often included in many peoples' minds.

DoingDoing:Julie- why would you "have" to vax?

-Angela


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

Non-Crunchy: We have boundaries and we enforce them, we eat fast food once in awhile, the big guy is obsessed with comic books, we vaccinate, we watch family movies every now and then (shhhhhhhhh two movies a year and we're out at school hehe). We own a stroller and use it sometimes. We use our car- a lot. Ice cream reigns supreme in our house (at least once a week). We own plastic toys. Our older son is circ'd.

Crunchy: cloth diaper, breastfed, babes that are happily worn 90% of the time, co-sleeping, gentle discipline (as in no hitting/no shaming), no commercial tv or video games or internet for the kiddos, healthy eating, we delay vax, and our younger son is not circ'd. (when we learn better we do better). Oh yeah, and our DS1 is at a Waldorf school.

To me, Attached Parenting is not a checklist and you don't have to do everything on it for your kids to have a healthy attachment to you. Do what works for your family.


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## kirstenb (Oct 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *just_lily* 
We didn't cosleep, except for the occasional time, because my DF was convinced he was going to crush the baby. She did sleep in a Pack N Play next to the bed for her first four months, and is just now sleeping in her room accross the hall.

I am formula feeding, but not for any lack of trying to breast feed. I have learned a lot from my experiences in this area, and hope it will help me in establishing a successful bf relationship with future babes.

This sounds a lot like my house! We don't cosleep either, although DS was in a basinet in our room for many months. He does sometimes end up in bed with us in the middle of the night when he wakes up because I am much too tired to try to get him to fall asleep in his room!









I didn't have a successful long term breastfeeding relationship with DS but I have learned a LOT here at MDC and can't wait until future babies are born so I can have that relationship. I wish I would have known about MDC when I was struggling though...

We have slings but sometimes DS just wants to be in his stroller.

I try to make healthy meals but in busy weeks (like this week), we do eat out more than I care.


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

Same here...we eat partially organic NT, but then also eat out a lot, including fast food...we watch tons of TV and don't garden at all..we homebirth(UC) and extended breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, don't vax, don't CIO...but we also have strollers and use them, buy cheap clothes and food on sale, and GD does not work for us at all. It's a mix.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

But a lot of things you all are talking about, IMHO, are "natural living" rather than AP. Food choices, cloth diapers -- those don't have anything to do with AP. I think vaxes are in the same category, actually. And I don't see that setting limits and enforcing them (assuming you are use GD to enforce) aren't AP either, unless we are talking about enforcing the limits of scheduled feeding or CIO. And if your baby hates a sling and you use a stroller, then that's AP because you are meeting the babies need rather than your need to be "more AP than thou".

The other thing that I've discovered as the kids are out of babyhood, the whole thing gets much blurier.

That said, I'm definitely more on the mainstream end of the spectrum than many here. I like the one person who's sig describes them as "crispy".


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## ABmom (Mar 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Breeder* 

To me, Attached Parenting is not a checklist and you don't have to do everything on it for your kids to have a healthy attachment to you. Do what works for your family.










That's us! I really think that it is really nobody's business which direction you lean towards as long as you raise your children with respect and love. It isn't all black and white. Some aspects of AP are not for us and some are. We pick and choose what we want to implement into our family life.


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## Ofwait (Feb 16, 2008)

We definately do a mix... I have nursed all, but my oldest decided to wean at 12 months when I was pg with #2 and I didn't push it. Kind of shocked when I got on here a couple years ago and find people pumping for months and calling it a nursing strike.
We have co-slept til about a year with all as well, kind of dependent on the baby. I also love my ergo... DH has one too so he can carry the toddler.

Though I am a much stricter disiplinarian than it sounds like most here, I am nothing compared to my parents, or DH's parents...

We homeschool, though I suppose not for any over reaching desire to do so, but because I don't trust the public schools here and can't afford the private.

So yeah a mix.


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
But here at MDC, I don't feel crunchy at all!









yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere


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## library lady (Sep 3, 2007)

I think it definitely depends on how you define AP. We do what works for us rather than following anything that is prescribed by other people's ideals.


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## mollusk (Oct 24, 2008)

i feel like i've learned a lot here. And although i didn't know a lot about the specific philosophies of AP... I have found that we chose to do many of them on our own because it felt right for us.
I look forward to applying more of what I've learned and being mindful of choices... if we are so lucky enough to have another


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

of course!

I think the first step is to avoid using the "mainstream" and "ap" labels all together and to jsut do what makes sense to you and works for your family.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
But a lot of things you all are talking about, IMHO, are "natural living" rather than AP. Food choices, cloth diapers -- those don't have anything to do with AP. I think vaxes are in the same category, actually. And I don't see that setting limits and enforcing them (assuming you are use GD to enforce) aren't AP either, unless we are talking about enforcing the limits of scheduled feeding or CIO. And if your baby hates a sling and you use a stroller, then that's AP because you are meeting the babies need rather than your need to be "more AP than thou".

The other thing that I've discovered as the kids are out of babyhood, the whole thing gets much blurier.

That said, I'm definitely more on the mainstream end of the spectrum than many here. I like the one person who's sig describes them as "crispy".

ITA here there is a difference between AP and natural living. I am more mainstream than many of my friends, but I am definitely crunchy compared to my neighbors. I am loving the crispy definition.







I think it is all about what works for your family and meeting those needs. That defines attached to me.


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## ErikaG (Nov 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *library lady* 
I think it definitely depends on how you define AP. We do what works for us rather than following anything that is prescribed by other people's ideals.

That's pretty much what I would say. We do our best to meet the needs of each family member in a thoughtful and considerate way, and to find peaceful solutions to things that are challenging. Things like cloth diapering and vaxing-those are about NFL, and it happens there's a big overlap between people who practice AP and NFL, but they aren't the same thing.


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## redsfree (Apr 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FondestBianca* 
I think the first step is to avoid using the "mainstream" and "ap" labels all together and to jsut do what makes sense to you and works for your family.









: We're very middle of the road here in many ways. In how we parent, in our political views, in our religious views, etc. And we do what works for us.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere









Aww, I think it is a good thing to be unique!







: Yes, walking the line can sometimes feel lonely, but overall, it helps me stay open minded and communicate with people coming from a different perspective.


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## mama_ani (Aug 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere









That's me too!


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

I don't think you have to do "one or the other", as I don't think that they really exist that way. Ask people what "AP" means or "mainstream" and you will get a million answers. If you want to be technical, AP is just a handful of "prcinipals", such as loving feeding (breastfeeding or "bottle-nursing"), preparing for pregnancy and birth, babywearing, etc. (here are the "8 principals": http://www.attachmentparenting.org/p...principles.php). There are many "mainstream" ways to do AP, and many AP ways to do things that some may consider mainstream.

I think all too often we make this division between "us and them" which ends up shorting everyone. The "mainstream" look like "badguys" and those striving to "be AP" are always measuring themselves to some sort of ideal, like there is a club you can only get into if you "do all the right crunchy things" and you are a failure if you ever do anything less than the absolute ideal.

I think setting up this false AP standard really puts a lot of pressure on people, especially new moms. They think AP is "hard" or that they are not good enough if they must deviate from the plan. Really, AP is a few principals that all boil down to listening to your children and treating them with love and respect for their needs. That can look like many things.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I don't consider my food choices very NFL... I loves me some Lucky Charms!







:


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## reepicheep (Jul 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere









that's exactly how I feel!


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Well, I had two of my three kids at home (which I do consider to be an AP-related decision. I did not want to repeat the unnecessary violence of a hospital birth for my other children) I practice "extended" breastfeeding, however I do not know if I will follow child led weaning completely. We do not buy organic food because it is too expensive, however we eat lots of fresh, healthy meals made from scratch and avoid additives like MSG and HFCS. We only let the kids watch certain videos they like, no cable here and the reception for the local channels is so bad we don't even get PBS.

We eat out a lot, which is a bad habit but a necessary one given our insane schedules. I'm also a student and I will be returning full time in January and two of the kids will be in daycare, the oldest will be at preschool.

Homeschooling, while not my idea of fun, may be the only option for us unless we can get a scholarship to the local Montessori school. There is NO WAY I'm sending my kids to the city schools here.

We co sleep with the baby, but as with our others we will transition her to her own bed by 12 months. She enjoys sleeping in her Arm's Reach most nights, so I don't forsee this being a big deal. I also wear her when we go out, and have her in-arms much of the day. I don't wear toddlers because my boys first off wouldn't tolerate being held by a year-too active! And because it is awkward for me to carry a larger child-I'm only 5 feet tall.

So far our children seem happy, calm, well-adjusted. We do what works best for us-isn't that all we can really do?


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

AP/gentle parenting is our philosophical guideline for sure. We really don't stray from that.

The problem I'm seeing with the question & some answers is that I wouldn't necessarily call things like cloth diapering AP and disposable diapering non-AP. Somethings just aren't AP related, but are more crunchy, enviromental, green, offbeat, whatever. And honestly, I think it doesn't REALLY matter in the long run what you "are", but rather what you DO.

The IMPORTANT thing is that you RESPECT & HONOR your children as independent beings with real feelings & needs.

But FWIW, to answer the question, I guess the more mainstream things: we vaccinate (although selectively & slowly), use disposable diapers, own a TV (though kids don't watch it except for Signing Time videos on occasion), I had two hospital births (though they both were "planned" to be natural - midwife, doula, anti-intervention birth plan, yada yada, so its on the fence I guess), I drive a minivan - (or is this crunchy because its the safest one?), I occasionally use a stroller, I work at home (crunchy?) AND out of the home (mainstream?).

The more crunchy things: we're vegetarian & eat organic, kids attend montessori (oh wait... maybe this is mainstream as we don't homeschool?), I tandem nursed & CLW, we have a family bed, don't CIO or sleep train, I own a half dozen slings/baby carriers, did EC with my DD, practice gentle discipline, don't circ. - though this SHOULD be mainstream!


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## butterfly_mommy (Oct 22, 2007)

There is no perfect way to parent, it is all about tradeoffs.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *just_lily* 
And my baby hates (with extreme passion) being in a sling. We own a stroller, and I like the convenience of taking her bucket seat out of the car, and snapping it into the stroller.

IMO, if you _did_ put her into a sling she hates, you wouldn't be practicing AP at all. Forcing a kid to do something they don't like in order to check off an AP lifestyle box isn't about attachment.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alexsam* 
...those striving to "be AP" are always measuring themselves to some sort of ideal...

I"m a far better, and far gentler, parent when I'm able to forgive myself for my many parental mistakes. When I slip into obsessing over not matching up to my own ideal, I start being hard on myself...then I get stressed...then I get easily frustrated...then I start being too hard on the kids (yelling, especially)...then I get hard on myself...then I get stressed...wait - didn't I say that already??

Yeah - if I'm going to forgive my kids, I should probably forgive myself sometimes, too. My children aren't perfect, but I wouldn't change them for the world.


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## momslittleangel (Nov 5, 2006)

I do both. We would die without the TV and McDonalds every once in while.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *library lady* 
I think it definitely depends on how you define AP. We do what works for us rather than following anything that is prescribed by other people's ideals.

Yes, this for us too. "My" attachment parenting means that the relationship between ds and me is the priority.


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

Thanks for all your responses. I don't use gentle guidance, I use disposable diapers, I used a baby snugly for awhile but baby got to heavy and loves the stroller lots and I tried to breast feed and did it for awhile but always felt my baby was starving so I went to formula and since then baby has been very happy and content, I co-sleep occasionally when my children need some extra TLC.

I did not make a decision to AP parent or mainstream parent. I do what feels right for our childern. I am happy to be a member of MDC and glad im not I only one that does not 100% AP or Mainstream parent

I guess I kind of do use gentle guidance to a point. I give 3 chances then a time out


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## Swandira (Jun 26, 2005)

I'm pretty hardcore AP, as far as the core practices of early parenting are concerned: CLW, cosleeping (though my kids are now so old that they cosleep with each other rather than with us), responsiveness, and babywearing. And I would never, ever have a child circumcised without a STRONG medical need for it, though that might be more of a natural living thing. I totally admire (and even aspire to) natural, unmedicated birthing, though I've never personally achieved it yet.

However, I'm not over the top at all with natural living. I haven't done full time CDing since my first baby was two, and I fully vax them (though only one shot at a time -- if they have a reaction, I want to know exactly what they reacted to, not a guess). And my kids get time-outs and may watch a cartoon here and there after dinner (which is sometimes from McDonalds), and my five-year-old knows his way around a Wii. I drive a huge, gas-sucking Honda Odyssey, too.









I love being on MDC, because I get to feel less crunchy than someone. That practically never happens in my daily life. Here, having nursed a 5-year-old doesn't make me particularly special or unusual. But among my general acquaintance, even though I live in the Seattle area, where nursing for 12 months or more is quite normal, that's not an experience I go out of my way to share with everyone. I get so tired of being the most extreme example around! But around here, I'm pretty middle-of-the-road.

Nealy
mama to T, 5; L, 2; and EDD 12/20/08


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Oops wrong place


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## ABmom (Mar 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ks Mama* 

The problem I'm seeing with the question & some answers is that I wouldn't necessarily call things like cloth diapering AP and disposable diapering non-AP. Somethings just aren't AP related, but are more crunchy, enviromental, green, offbeat, whatever. And honestly, I think it doesn't REALLY matter in the long run what you "are", but rather what you DO.

The IMPORTANT thing is that you RESPECT & HONOR your children as independent beings with real feelings & needs.










:

I feel really annoyed when some AP moms use the cd, bf, no tv, homemade, babywearing, stayhome, don't use dc, etc as checks to make themselves look/feel better than other moms. A friend of mine practices more AP aspects than me but feels constantly inferior to her group of AP mom group because of the remarks or looks.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

We do both. We breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, and do not shame or spank.

We eat processed food, watch PBS, use sposies a lot of the time. We do have rules and do not do unconditional parenting. Our kids have bedtimes and are expected to obey, but negotiation is permitted with most things. EX. THey don't get to do whatever they want. There will be no movies and snacks at 2am. Not happening. We can do that in the evening, but then we will be giving up the playground. Their choice.

Basically, we do what works for us, keeps us all mostly happy, and the home running smoothly. I don't really worry about the label we have.


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## Mrs. Bratton (Jan 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
But a lot of things you all are talking about, IMHO, are "natural living" rather than AP. Food choices, cloth diapers -- those don't have anything to do with AP. I think vaxes are in the same category, actually. And I don't see that setting limits and enforcing them (assuming you are use GD to enforce) aren't AP either, unless we are talking about enforcing the limits of scheduled feeding or CIO. And if your baby hates a sling and you use a stroller, then that's AP because you are meeting the babies need rather than your need to be "more AP than thou".

The other thing that I've discovered as the kids are out of babyhood, the whole thing gets much blurier.

That said, I'm definitely more on the mainstream end of the spectrum than many here. I like the one person who's sig describes them as "crispy".

I agree whole heartedly w/ this. We definantly dont fit in the "crunchy" "natural living" category. We dont eat organic but I eat healthy and plan on feeding DD healthy foods but I plan to get them at Kroger rather than Wild Oats Market. We do vax and I had all the routine medical interventions at my delivery. We use our stroller and carseat frequently and I love disposable diapers. We have plastic toys. DD also eats from a bottle quite frequently but its expressed BM. She has never tasted anything else.

I do feel like we fit in the AP category, though. She is exclusively on breast milk and I plan to BF for a minimum of one year. I BW sometimes. We cosleep most of the time so far. We dont have her on a schedule and I feed on demand. I will be delaying solids at least 6 months (which isnt an AP thing really but NONE of the mainstream parents I know wait that long) I also plan to practice gentle discipline. This is just what I planned on doing anyway before I ever heard of AP.

I come to this site cause I fit in more than I do on the mainstream sites. For some reason, even though I am a mixture, I get along w/ AP moms much more than I do mainstream people. They just arent as accepting of alternative parenting styles. I guess since AP moms are the minority they are used to being tolerant.


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

I agree that the "MDC approved" practices being discussed here are a mix of AP and NFL, not just AP.

And we are not all crunchy/AP, either.

With my first son, I wanted to do all AP/NFL, but now I am expecting child #3 and in reality, in the past five years I have learned that I just can't handle it all.

AP/NFL stuff that we STILL practice or believe in:

will never circ
exclusive breastfeeding/extended breastfeeding
cosleeping
babywearing
partial Traditional Foods diet
homeschooling
we delay vaccinations till school-age
we use holistic health approaches, homeopathic and chiropractic before Western medicine
live in a small space, try to live simply
natural birth/homebirth

Things we've relaxed our NFL/AP stance on:

* we now use disposable diapers and I will never go back to cloth
* I plan to use a pacifier next baby. And a baby swing.
* use paper/plastic disposable plates/cups from time to time to save my sanity
* I wean the boys when it feels like the right time to me, so no CLW-- that was age 2 for the first one, about 18 months for the second one
* I use a stroller a lot (back issues)
* we were going to not vax at all, now we probably will do delayed/selective
* we tried doing no timeouts for a while, now we definitely use them
* we will move into a bigger house when we can afford it (no more tiny space living!)
* we may send our boys to prep school someday.
* although we try to do TF mostly, we don't eat very much organic anymore (can't afford it) and we started eating some sugary/non TF stuff again.
* we let the boys watch a lot of TV, but only shows I approve of
* we shop at Walmart and Target unashamedly

I bet everyone here is a mix of NFL/AP and mainstream parenting practices.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
I was a super AP parent when ds was a baby and toddler, but I find that I am much less AP now. We still do gentle discipline and would NEVER EVER hit or shame, but I do expect ds to listen and do what I say.









It's sort of the same for me. I did most of the AP stuff when mine were little. My kids have all had formula as babies. However, I remember co-sleeping with my 13 yr old back in the mid 90's when most people I knew thought I was crazy.







The pediatrician told me constantly that it had to stop or it would hurt him long term. So many people co-sleep now so I knew I did the right thing there. We did vax, again I wasn't that informed on some things so not vaxing never entered my mind. If I did it over again I'd still vax my children.

We still use gentle discipline but I will use time outs. My 6 y o has a hard time listening some days more than others and is home 24/7 since we







: and simply asking her to stop some behaviors just isn't good enough sometimes.







We have cable t.v. but do practice limitations. The children don't have trouble with that. We rarely watch t.v. as adults in front of them and I believe kids learn from example.







We don't eat exclusively organic but we practice good/healthy eating habits and again, our kids learn from the example we give them.

I'm not a perfect mom but I've always done the best I can. I feel I do better than my own parents did with me and my siblings which is a good thing.


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## mrsfrenchy (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere










That's exactly how I feel. I'm much less crunchy than many here, but I'm sure that many people I know think I'm crazy for homebirthing and not allowing DD (4mo) to stare at the TV all day.


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## njbeachgirl (Oct 8, 2006)

Great thread







Just like a lot of people we fit in somewhere in between.


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## DariusMom (May 29, 2005)

Put me in the slightly mushy category.









We do some NFL stuff and some mainstream stuff, though I liked what the PPs said about avoiding labels such as NFL, AP, and mainstream.

The main AP thing, overall, though, is that we've formed a safe and secure attachment with DS. He loves us, we love him, and we respect each other. Not every day is perfect. But we are all firmly and beautifully attached to each other.

The rest is just boxes to tick, IMO. If it works for your family, whatever "it" is -- fast food or organics, sposies vs. CD, etc., etc. then do it.

Thanks for this thread so some of us could come out of the closet!


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## Miss 1928 (Nov 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ks Mama* 
AP/gentle parenting is our philosophical guideline for sure. We really don't stray from that.

The problem I'm seeing with the question & some answers is that I wouldn't necessarily call things like cloth diapering AP and disposable diapering non-AP. Somethings just aren't AP related, but are more crunchy, enviromental, green, offbeat, whatever. And honestly, *I think it doesn't REALLY matter in the long run what you "are", but rather what you DO.*

*The IMPORTANT thing is that you RESPECT & HONOR your children as independent beings with real feelings & needs.*























So beautifully stated! (bolding mine)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alexsam* 
I don't think you have to do "one or the other", as I don't think that they really exist that way. Ask people what "AP" means or "mainstream" and you will get a million answers. If you want to be technical, AP is just a handful of "prcinipals", such as loving feeding (breastfeeding or "bottle-nursing"), preparing for pregnancy and birth, babywearing, etc. (here are the "8 principals": http://www.attachmentparenting.org/p...principles.php). There are many "mainstream" ways to do AP, and many AP ways to do things that some may consider mainstream.

I think all too often we make this division between "us and them" which ends up shorting everyone. The "mainstream" look like "badguys" and those striving to "be AP" are always measuring themselves to some sort of ideal, like there is a club you can only get into if you "do all the right crunchy things" and you are a failure if you ever do anything less than the absolute ideal.

I think setting up this false AP standard really puts a lot of pressure on people, especially new moms. They think AP is "hard" or that they are not good enough if they must deviate from the plan. Really, AP is a few principals that all boil down to *listening to your children and treating them with love and respect for their needs.* That can look like many things.

Well said!









Thank you, alexsam, for giving us the list of the principals of AP. After reading that I can proudly state that I am about 95% AP (I don't _always_ offer the healthiest food choices. Very far from the unhealthiest, but every once in a while DD gets some good old fashoned Junk food. (chips or cookies or fries.







) And sometimes we skip breakfast.







: But DD is still nursing and then once she gets to Daycare they give her fruit or yoghurt, so I know she is not starving. Besides, sometimes she just doesn't want breakfast after having nursed. But I'm getting OT.)

As far as unNFL, we vaxed, no CD (It would be impossible without a dryer, which are very uncommon here in Italy, and I am completely unwilling to have diapers hanging to dry in my living room.) and, as stated above, indulge in occasional junk food and cartoons. (I have to have a 1/2 an hour of Teletubbies or I would never get dinner cooked!)

But we do co-sleep, plan on CLW, nurse on demand (most of the time) and although we do our stroller now that DD is 24 lbs, I do wear her often. Sometimes she just wants to be carried and I'm happy to carry her. I'm sure there is more to add, but that's all I can think of right now.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
DoingDoing:Julie- why would you "have" to vax?

-Angela


A little OT, and I certainly have no idea if this is her situation.

I just found out that people who adopt from outside the country have to sign something with homeland security promising to vax. I had no idea.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Breeder* 
To me, Attached Parenting is not a checklist and you don't have to do everything on it for your kids to have a healthy attachment to you. Do what works for your family.









Very well said







I think it's important to take people from where they are right now. While we do want to promote certain NFL values, we don't expect it of our members, nor should we shame people who don't or did not practice certain parenting styles. That being said, we also want to keep in mind the MotheringDotCommune Web Statement of Purpose

Quote:

*The Mothering website is the gathering place* for the reading and discussion of issues of interest to our magazine readers and online community members. We have been in print since 1974, and on the web since 1998. The magazine is read in over 70 countries. Our community is made up of many nationalities, religions, ages, colors, ethnicities, philosophies, affectional orientations, economic groups, lifestyles, and family structures. This is reflected in our magazine readership and in the online community of the MotheringDotCommune.

*Mothering celebrates the experience of parenthood* as worthy of one's best efforts and fosters awareness of the immense importance and value of family life in the development of the full human potential of parents and children. At Mothering we recognize parents as experts and seek to provide truly helpful information upon which parents can make informed choices. Mothering is both a fierce advocate of the needs and rights of the child and a gentle supporter of the parents, and we encourage decision-making that considers the needs of all family members. We explore the reality of human relationships in the family setting, recognizing that raising the heirs of our civilization well is the prerequisite for a healthy society.

*Mothering advocates natural family living*, including the ancient way of being with babies and children that is known today as attachment parenting. This way is reliant on the inherent integrity of children and the inviolate intuition of parents. The family is the dominion of parents and children and authoritative knowledge rests with them. This website is a place to safely explore all the aspects involved in such a parenting philosophy.

*The MotheringDotCommune discussion boards* serve an online community of parents considering, learning and practicing attachment parenting and natural family living. Our discussions on the boards are about the real world of mothering and are first and foremost, for support and information.

Some subjects regularly covered in the magazine and on these boards include:
Non-adversarial Cooperative Family Living
Natural Pregnancy
Drug-Free Childbirth
Homebirth
Midwifery/Doula Attended Births
Siblings present at births
Breastfeeding
Circumcision
Vaccinations
Health and Healing
Discipline w/out Punishment Alternatives in Education
Natural Remedies for Childhood Illnesses
Homeschooling
Cloth Diapering
Babywearing and Attachment practices

To name a few ...

Does this mean we expect our members to embrace all of these values/principals? not at all. However, we do promote Natural Family Living and we do ask our members to respect that in their posting.

I think many parents feel like they don't fit in with one particular parenting style. It's hard to find our way as parents, especially when we're trying to live more naturally in mainstream society - that's what drew most of us here and keeps us coming back







.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

I've been with MDC since its infancy, and was a moderator for a number of years here. I helped write the website guidelines to include the idea that "Mothering advocates natural family living, _including_ the ancient way of being with babies and children that is known today as attachment parenting..." that is that natural family living is a broader umbrella that includes attachment parenting. I may have even written those words (can't recall). I've been a Mothering Magazine reader longer...started reading it when I was a preteen (in fact, there is a photo of my mother and sisters standing together at a bus stop in one of the magazines from the 70s).

I have met a lot of families from MDC. Without fail, I always get nervous beforehand. Will I live up to their standards of AP, natural family living, etc.?? I bite my figernails, and then we meet up and I discover that no one is the NFL/AP supermom I picture when we are chatting online. All of us fall along a spectrum, and I just haven't met a parent here yet who isn't as complex as the other parents I meet in daily life.

I think when we are all on here talking about things specifically from the NFL/AP perspective, especially because each of us is going to have certain NFL/AP topics about which we feel very strongly or see things more in black and white, it is easy to get a skewed idea about the kinds of people on "the other end of the line."


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Sierra, that is a really good point. I think it's easy to believe that many people on here are the "most crunchy" in every category.
I know a bunch of women from MDC irl, and while the people I know are respectful of kids and are caring and gentle, none of them (myself included) are the epitomy of NFL crunchiness. lol.


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## Joyster (Oct 26, 2007)

I just parent with what works. I don't believe in ever hitting, shaming my child, and my first method of operation is to sit down and talk with my 3 year old and try to reason with him. It has a 50% success rate. lol Last resort is a time out, it sucks, we hate using it, but once in a while we find we have to.

We try to anticipate and respond to our kids needs. They are fed on demand, cry it out is not an option, co-sleeping is fine til our kids start kicking the hades out of us. Sorry, I really need sleep! They are held whenever they'd like, we don't ignore them and try to create a strong bond.

If I homeschooled, my poor kids would never know how to add. We do believe in small schools though and have to pay for private schools to back up that belief.

No cloth diapers either. I admit, pure laziness...well not so much that, it's just that if I had another load of laundry to do, I'd cry. Fortunately we can compost our diapers, otherwise I would have cloth diapered. Healthy food, but we do have pizza and burgers from time to time. Cookies are a staple, preferably home made though.

I dunno, I just try to be a loving parent the best way I can. I find if I'm stressing over fitting a certain ideal, I'm not going to be a good parent, so I just go with the flow.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

We do a little of both and a little of our own thing.

AP: babies/toddlers are worn a lot, we do CLW, co-sleep, CD, follow the kids' leads on when they're ready for something, watch what we eat most of the time

Mainstream: we vax, DS is circ'd, he wouldn't co-sleep (although I still call that AP because we listened to what he needed), when we eat fast food I let him eat french fries instead of apples, own 3 strollers and use them when its convenient, and we're pretty strict with DS (he's a "give an inch, take a mile" kind of kid).

As for schooling, we're totally undecided but we need to get on the ball because DS is 3.5.


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## ema-adama (Dec 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ABmom* 







:

I feel really annoyed when some AP moms use the cd, bf, no tv, homemade, babywearing, stayhome, don't use dc, etc as checks to make themselves look/feel better than other moms. A friend of mine practices more AP aspects than me but feels constantly inferior to her group of AP mom group because of the remarks or looks.

I totally agree. I guess I would be able to tick off most AP principles. However, I do not consider myself AP. When I discovered this parenting philosophy I was so excited as it seemed to embrace so much of how I had been intuitively parenting my newborn. And then I started getting all hang up if I was being AP enough and started to loose some of the joy of my mothering experience.
Now I just do what feels right and keep myself informed to satisfy my curiosity as to why what what feels right to me can be supported by current child development understanding. It works for me.... but then again, I have never been one to subscribe to any philosophy other than my own personal one.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

I do what I feel is best for my children, regardless of what category it may fit into. So, yeah, I am a bit of both.

I'm waiting for it to catch on, but I like to call myself:

*CR*unchy + mainst*EAM* = *CREAMY*!


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## ABmom (Mar 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SAHDS* 

*CR*unchy + mainst*EAM* = *CREAMY*!

I like this!







Sounds much better than yummy mummies.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

If by mainstream you mean imposing limits and rules and enforcing some consequences for when rules are broken then I definitely do a blend of AP and mainstream parenting. I think that there is a place for boundaries in AP though, especially the AP that is described by Dr. Sears. I think that the answer to this question depends on whether you consider consequences and boundaries a terrible non-AP thing or not and who you are using as your AP and mainstream guides. I really like reading things on this site though, especially the CL things, because they help me to question what I am doing and why and to let some of the little things go.


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
yep! But I don't fit into regular society AT ALL. I fit in nowhere










Haha! That's exactly how I feel. A lot of times, I think I'm too mainstream for MDC, but I'm considered a little wierd IRL for the crunchier stuff.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
However, I remember co-sleeping with my 13 yr old back in the mid 90's when most people I knew thought I was crazy.







The pediatrician told me constantly that it had to stop or it would hurt him long term.

I co-slept with ds1 in '93, and I just didn't tell people. I never figured it was anybody's business, except for those directly affected - me, ds1 and my ex-husband.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
I have met a lot of families from MDC. Without fail, I always get nervous beforehand. Will I live up to their standards of AP, natural family living, etc.?? I bite my figernails, and then we meet up and I discover that no one is the NFL/AP supermom I picture when we are chatting online. All of us fall along a spectrum, and I just haven't met a parent here yet who isn't as complex as the other parents I meet in daily life.

This is so true. I get really nervous meeting other moms from here, because I'm only slightly crispy...if that, these days (my adherence to my crunchy ideals tends to depend on my mental state, and post-Aaron and now first trimest...not so great). But, I really like the moms I've met from here, and don't feel judged irl at all. The hardest one for me is that I'm pretty high stress (have tried a lot of ways of dealing with it), so I do tend to lose my temper and yell at my kids more than I like. The local Tribe all seem to be naturals at the GD stuff, and that does make me nervous. I remember one mom in particular telling me she sometimes yells at her kids, and I was just like, "you...but, but, but...you're so...serene". It actually helped a lot.


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## jeteaa (Jan 23, 2007)

If you lable yourself, any % Ap, NFL, crunchy etc, how do you feel when you think of yourself as these titles, but your children don't?
I know a, IMO, crunchy AP mom who loves wearing her "baby" in her ergo...but he is not a baby anymore, he wants to run and play with the other "free" kids, but his mom insists on holding him. So I wonder how the situation when from positive AP to IMO negative AP?
Co-sleeping for me was a issue. My dh did not want to co-sleep. I did. And my babies seemed to want to aswell. Both girls sleep well in thier own beds now.. but during those nurse at night months.... I was really stressed about my sleep relationship w/ my dh and my sleep relationship w/ babies.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

I feel that whole, dont fit anywhere thing too! IRL Im the weird hippie. On here, Im barely crunch. Slightly crunchy?

We cosleep, bf, ebf, tandem nursed, I wear the baby some, but all my kids loved the stroller. Dont even own a crib, dont spank. Do have rules. Do eat at mcdonalds,chuck e cheese, shop at walmart and target andI love bath and body works! I have birthed in a hospital by choice after a not so great experiance with a midwife birth. We are currently homeschooling two, public schooling one.

I agree with pp's who said: we just find what words for us. To me, thats what AP IS....being attuned to and meeting your childs needs, whatever they may be. Example: first ds had to be put to sleep, walked, rocked, strolled,driven. Second ds I was doing that, out of habit, then one night I HAD to put him down in the bassinet to give myself a break, thinking I'll pick him back up in a minute....the second I put him down he was asleep. Poor baby just wanted to be left alone!!! Who knew? So yeah, no two kids are the same, even brothers!


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## janasmama (Feb 8, 2005)

'I love this thread. And I especially love what Sierra wrote.

I've been living in an area that doesn't have very good food choices, you never see anyone wearing their baby and CD'ing is a shocker!

Now we are moving to a more progressive area. I want to babysit another child in my home but I wanted to take care of a child whose family had interest in NFL but then I started thinking, "what if they think I'm not that NFL...they might do more than I do."

But it's true...we're all very normal people, the kind you meet at the coffee shop.

Like every other mother here, I'm just doing the best I can with the tools I've got. And if being here on MDC acquires me some new tools...awesome! I'll put them to good work.

OP, I hope you can find new parenting tools here...God knows that our children are ever-changing so we must be prepared!


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
I've been with MDC since its infancy, and was a moderator for a number of years here. I helped write the website guidelines to include the idea that "Mothering advocates natural family living, _including_ the ancient way of being with babies and children that is known today as attachment parenting..." that is that natural family living is a broader umbrella that includes attachment parenting. I may have even written those words (can't recall). I've been a Mothering Magazine reader longer...started reading it when I was a preteen (in fact, there is a photo of my mother and sisters standing together at a bus stop in one of the magazines from the 70s).

I have met a lot of families from MDC. Without fail, I always get nervous beforehand. Will I live up to their standards of AP, natural family living, etc.?? I bite my figernails, and then we meet up and I discover that no one is the NFL/AP supermom I picture when we are chatting online. All of us fall along a spectrum, and I just haven't met a parent here yet who isn't as complex as the other parents I meet in daily life.

I think when we are all on here talking about things specifically from the NFL/AP perspective, especially because each of us is going to have certain NFL/AP topics about which we feel very strongly or see things more in black and white, it is easy to get a skewed idea about the kinds of people on "the other end of the line."

Thank you so much for that beautiful post.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SAHDS* 
I do what I feel is best for my children, regardless of what category it may fit into. So, yeah, I am a bit of both.

I'm waiting for it to catch on, but I like to call myself:

*CR*unchy + mainst*EAM* = *CREAMY*!

I like that.


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## ABmom (Mar 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeteaa* 
If you lable yourself, any % Ap, NFL, crunchy etc, how do you feel when you think of yourself as these titles, but your children don't?
I know a, IMO, crunchy AP mom who loves wearing her "baby" in her ergo...but he is not a baby anymore, he wants to run and play with the other "free" kids, but his mom insists on holding him. So I wonder how the situation when from positive AP to IMO negative AP?

Very good point! Sometimes I think that we are so concern about being that "Perfect Parent" that we fail to parent our children the way that would benefit them the most. I know moms (sils and friends) from either end of the spectrum and some are very fixed in their parenting style/choice and some are very dynamic as their children grow. From observation and talking to them, I found the the more dynamic parents are more relaxed and enjoy their children more.


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## tjjazzy (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I would venture to guess that the vast majority of parents here at MDC do exactly what you are talking about.

me too!
we cloth diaper, our newest sleeps with us (mostly b/c i fall asleep while feeding him!), we babywear (for walks and such), and i breastfeed. i also stay home with my LOs. _but_ we do many things that are "mainstream" too.


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## annie_noah (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ks Mama* 
AP/gentle parenting is our philosophical guideline for sure. We really don't stray from that.

The problem I'm seeing with the question & some answers is that I wouldn't necessarily call things like cloth diapering AP and disposable diapering non-AP. Somethings just aren't AP related, but are more crunchy, enviromental, green, offbeat, whatever. And honestly, I think it doesn't REALLY matter in the long run what you "are", but rather what you DO.

The IMPORTANT thing is that you RESPECT & HONOR your children as independent beings with real feelings & needs.

I totally agree with this! For me, attachment parenting is about treating my child like a human being that has emotional and physical needs that I am responsible for meeting. There are some "tools" that help me to do that, but using those tools (e.g. babywearing, co-sleeping) do not make you an attached parent and not using them don't make you unattached.

To me mainstream parenting is about doing what everyone else is doing without questioning it and following the trend of pushing our kids away (pushing them to be independent before they are ready).

More on this here: http://phdinparenting.com/2008/11/16...ent-parenting/


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## mamasaurus (Jun 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 

But here at MDC, I don't feel crunchy at all!









Me, neither. Read my sig.









I just don't "fit in" anywhere...


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## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Depends on what all you lump under AP









-Angela









:

IMO, AP and "crunchy" are not synonymous.
AP is the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting (which cosleeping, gentle discipline, babywearing and breastfeeding fall under).
Things like CDing, homeschooling and not vaxing fall under "crunchy", IMO. They aren't necessarily AP. You can be AP and not cloth diaper,IMO.
I consider myself an AP parent, definitely, because I cosleep, use GD to some extent, babywear, and breastfeed. I do not cloth diaper for various reasons, and we do vax (on a delayed schedule). I do not plan to homeschool because it just isn't feasible for us. I'm a vegetarian who cares about the environment and I have a penchant for embroidered blouses and flowy skirts, but that's about as "crunchy" as I get.


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## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
But a lot of things you all are talking about, IMHO, are "natural living" rather than AP. Food choices, cloth diapers -- those don't have anything to do with AP. I think vaxes are in the same category, actually. And I don't see that setting limits and enforcing them (assuming you are use GD to enforce) aren't AP either, unless we are talking about enforcing the limits of scheduled feeding or CIO. And if your baby hates a sling and you use a stroller, then that's AP because you are meeting the babies need rather than your need to be "more AP than thou".

The other thing that I've discovered as the kids are out of babyhood, the whole thing gets much blurier.

That said, I'm definitely more on the mainstream end of the spectrum than many here. I like the one person who's sig describes them as "crispy".

Yes to everything you said.


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## kaydahl (Nov 14, 2008)

Raising hand.

But for my area, I seem to be a super dupe crunchy person.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

I've never found checklists to be helpful or useful, just divisive. A checklist makes me look deceptively oddball and "perfect", whatever the heck that is. I EC, nearly UCed, CD, babywear, ate my placenta, don't shave, eat mostly organic, don't own a stroller or crib or playpen, etc, etc, but my house looks a lot more like most American's than it does a happy hippie commune. I'd fit in more at a mall than a protest. We all have a lot more in common than checklists imply.

I value attachment parenting, and I want to do my part to reduce my impact on the planet. I try to be gentle and caring toward my child and the earth, and that's why I'm here, and that's why I love this place. Checklists are beside the point.


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## Kappa (Oct 15, 2007)

Let's see:

AP-- breasfeeding 6 mo exclusive and we are on month 8 and plan to go on beyond infancy, cosleeping, no CIO, whole foods (no Gerber), we plan on GD. I don't wear him, but I pretty much carry him, we have a stroller I've used exactly 0 times. Oh, and natural soaps and oils for his skin. We had a natural birth (no drugs/pitocin).

Mainstream -- sposies, vaccines, circ'd, DS gets an occasional Cheeto or BBQ sauce







:

Things we will do more crunchy for next baby: cloth diapers, out of hospital birth, no vaccines. I will be working and we'll be able to hire a nanny next time so CD and no vaccines will be more easily achieved.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

Me me me!!!!

I guess though that if you consider AP parenting to just be listening to your core mothering instincts, and trusting your own and your babies cues and signs, then we are as AP as you can get.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

Sure, I also fall into this category. When I checked out the AP principles, I pretty much fall within their guidelines except when it comes to the gentle discipline. . .this is a tough one for me. I really do try, but often my environment influences me. I have found in our family that *gasp* timeouts really do work when our children are so worked up and we explain that sometimes DH and I also need timeouts just to refocus. As for NFL, we do watch about 30 minutes of tv a week, we eat as much local/fresh/real food as we can (although sometimes we do get a craving for chips, not organic chocolate, and we do eat sugar), we do cloth dipe, clw, both homeschool and send our children to Japanese school (the school mostly by their choice though), no circing, DD was vaxed for a year but when we learned more about it we stopped and DS hasn't received any, cosleep/co-room, etc. . .


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## DaytonsMom (Aug 25, 2007)

thanks for this thread. i've really been struggling with this latley. i feel better now.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Just for the record, although not really popular with a lot of people who are really in to gentle discipline (and I think there are good arguments against them), time outs _are_ GD when gently implemented.







They're at one end of the GD spectrum, but definitely on there.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

I was just going to post what Arwyn did... Time-outs are not necessarily "not Gentle Discipline" if they are used to give a child (or parent!) some space to gain perpective or cool off (not as a purely punitive experience). GD also very much includes boundaries, (natural) consequences, finding ways for children to learn social expectations (manners, "playing nice", etc.), and deciding on family rules. Heck, we even yell sometimes







.

As with the general idea of AP, GD is about disciplining with the idea of teaching instead of punishing and seeing a parental duty to guide a child into acceptable behavior as needing to be respectful of the child, their feelings, and their developmental stage. And just as we are talking about how many different ways the ideals of AP can be upheld according to the infinite ways we parent, GD is the same.


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## Murihiku (Oct 2, 2008)

Until I got to MDC I didn't realize Attachment Parenting wasn't mainstream! I guess I just got lucky in the culture I lived in with my first baby. I didn't know anyone who wasn't planning to breastfeed for at least a year, although I knew two women who didn't make it that far. Everyone I knew both wore their babies and used strollers. Half the parents I knew co-slept. No one practised corporal punishment or CIO. Half the births I knew of were unmedicated hospital births, half of the rest involved epidurals. (The other quarter were c/s.) Vaxing was common, circing was rare.

So I'm a bit startled to find out that I'm apparently not all that mainstream after all!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

I absolutely consider us AP... baby wearing, co sleeping (though DS is starting to take up a LOT of space) Never CIO ... which is one of the things i am really proud of b/c i didn't know it was bad until i found MDC.. i just thought it was stupid to let a baby cry.







. I bf for a while and stopped (you know better you do better) i re-lactated and tried to get ds back to the breast but i didn't feel right pushing it.. so i pump as much as possible (which isnt much and is getting even less







) ever since i stopped bfing ds has been bottle nursed on demand. We will use GD when it comes time for that... mostly we just do out absolute best to meet the needs of our son, each other, and our family.

I am aspiring NFL lol. we eat all organic food, we cloth diaper, put an indefinite hiatus on vaxing, use as little disposable products as possible, and try to repurpose our things instead of getting rid of them. we avoid western medicine and only use it as a last resort, and we are a chemical free household! o and all our light bulbs are CFL!!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Murihiku* 
Until I got to MDC I didn't realize Attachment Parenting wasn't mainstream! I guess I just got lucky in the culture I lived in with my first baby. I didn't know anyone who wasn't planning to breastfeed for at least a year, although I knew two women who didn't make it that far. Everyone I knew both wore their babies and used strollers. Half the parents I knew co-slept. No one practised corporal punishment or CIO. Half the births I knew of were unmedicated hospital births, half of the rest involved epidurals. (The other quarter were c/s.) Vaxing was common, circing was rare.

So I'm a bit startled to find out that I'm apparently not all that mainstream after all!

can i come live with you?


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## babysnyder'smommy (Jan 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FondestBianca* 
of course!

I think the first step is to avoid using the "mainstream" and "ap" labels all together and to jsut do what makes sense to you and works for your family.


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## Devaya (Sep 23, 2007)

I agree with what PP's have said, that it's certainly not about ticking boxes and should be what works for your children and your family. No one is going to give you a prize for being the most AP mother. I also like coming on MDC as I'm not the crunchiest, when IRL I am one of the most AP/NFL parents I know.

I don't like to use these labels, but I tend to see my parenting as mainly AP. I have baby-worn as much as I could (less and less now that he is older and bigger and my weak back can't take it) but have finally got over my 'stroller guilt'. I cloth diaper (though that is NFL not AP really), and I would never consider circumcising, luckily my partner's also totally against it. I wouldn't CIO, I demand-feed and always have, and although I've considered formula at times I didn't do it. I also had a pain medication-free birth although not completely without intervention.

I can't think of anything 'mainstream' that I go for, but it's early days yet...when DS gets older we will see what happens with discipline and TV and food etc. At the moment I'm leaning towards doing Unconditional Parenting but I'm not so sure and am open to flexibility along the way on this.


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## Miss 1928 (Nov 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SAHDS* 
I do what I feel is best for my children, regardless of what category it may fit into. So, yeah, I am a bit of both.

I'm waiting for it to catch on, but I like to call myself:

*CR*unchy + mainst*EAM* = *CREAMY*!

I love this! I'm CREAMy!!! I'm CREAMy!!!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
I have met a lot of families from MDC. Without fail, I always get nervous beforehand. Will I live up to their standards of AP, natural family living, etc.?? I bite my figernails, and then we meet up and I discover that no one is the NFL/AP supermom I picture when we are chatting online. All of us fall along a spectrum, and I just haven't met a parent here yet who isn't as complex as the other parents I meet in daily life.

Thank you so much, Sierra, for this post. I also have the tendancy to think that nearly everyone on MDC is so much more AP/NFL than I am. Thank you for putting it into perspective. And thank you to everyone who has replied that they are also in the "CREAMy" category.


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## soccermama (Jul 2, 2008)

It's nice to be a little bit of both - it keeps things interesting and fun! We certainly enjoyed breastfeeding, babywearing, etc., I'm certainly no where near as crunchy as some mamas I know, but that's okay. That's what makes us all unique.









BTW, thanks for starting this thread! It's nice to see and makes me feel a little better about my parenting 'style'.


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## SpiderMum (Sep 13, 2008)

I'm not an AP parent...I'm a common-sense parent. I don't follow any sort of parenting philosophy...I just do what makes sense for me and my family.

I breastfeed (aiming for CLW), co-sleep part of the night (DD starts out in her room till she needs to eat. After that she stays in bed with us till morning), we CD (which was mainly a financial and comfort decision), I babywear (she sleeps so comfortably in her sling or wrap), no vaxing, avoiding TV till age 2 and then limiting it, homeschool (I was homeschooled myself, so that's what's normal to me), and I tend to avoid modern medicine.

But then I don't eat that healthily. I'll try to do better with DD, but I'm sure she'll eat some junk too. I don't hold her all the time...and I do have a stroller (though the only time I've used it so far is to cart dirty diapers to be washed.







) No clue what I"m doing about discipline as of yet. And I have absolutely no problem with video games. I had DD in a hospital (though I'm very supportive of homebirthing, etc) with a doctor. Even ended up with an epidural. I'm happy with the decisions I've made. That's about all you can hope for.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SpiderMum* 
I'm not an AP parent...I'm a common-sense parent. I don't follow any sort of parenting philosophy...I just do what makes sense for me and my family.

Yeah -- when people want me to classify my parenting style I say "pragmatic".


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

Quote:

What is attachment parenting?

*Attachment parenting is an approach to raising children rathar than a strict set of rules*. Certain practices are common to AP parents: they tend to breastfeed, hold their babies in their arms a lot, and practice possitive disiplince, but t*hese are just tool for attachemt, not criteria for being certified as an attachemnt parent*. So forget the controversies about breast vs bottle, cio or not, and which methid of discipline are acceptable, and go back to the basics. *Above all attachament parenting means opening you mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby and letting your knowledge of your child be you guide to making on-the-spot decisions about what works best for both you you.*
-Dr Sears from "The Attachment Parenting Book"


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## MangoMommy (Oct 20, 2008)

Following the cues of my child and doing what is best is what is AP to me. Especially when they are babies...I tell new mamas to trust their instincts and love their baby! (vs letting it cry,etc)

As far as crunchy goes...I'm crispy too. Extended bf, co-slept for years, held babies all the time, no CIO, held off solids, no tv until after 2, etc...but I love McD's, have yelled at my kids, they are vaccinated and go to public schools,etc.


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## 2pinks (Dec 20, 2007)

i'd say I'm mildly crispy


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## Phoenix~Mama (Dec 24, 2007)

I am really liking the term "crispy". lol

From my time here I have realized I am totally not mainstream but I am totally not super crunchy like what seems to be the majority of members here... but compare me to most of my family and/or friends and they think I am some sort of crunchy "freak". lol

I guess I'm a middle roader.

I love a lot of things I have learned here, but there are some things that just don't work for me. Such as co-sleeping. I have fibromyaglia and toss A TON due to pain and such... When DSD needed to sleep with us sometimes when she was younger I would wake up in soooo much incredible pain because I could not roll as freely and she would always get her knees into my back... I would spend the next days in agony. I had to put my foot down with DH and tell him if he wanted to sleep with his daughter, he could, but he would need to go sleep in her bed with her, I could not continue being dysfunctional and in mind numbing pain.









I use some of GD, but totally do time outs. Sometimes I need the time out. lol I will give DSD three chances to do something/stop doing something and will try talking to her about something, if she is still screaming and not wanting to talk, we both need a time out til we can communicate in a less stressful time.

Bored at work the past two days and I decided to browse a more mainstream board... and I knew instantly that even though sometimes I feel I don't precisely "fit" here with being less crunchy... I felt way way way uncomfortable on the more main stream board and did not connect to those people what so ever... some of what they were saying was truly disturbing actually.

So yes... a crispy middle roader is what I shall dub myself. lol


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

I'm extremely "mainstream" compared to most people here.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I hereby dub myself a "crispy pragmatic parent". Crispy, sort of like the bacon I ate for breakfast (which some people on MDC wouldn't touch, I'm sure). I am a proud CPP!


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## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

We do both AP and mainstream. I parent the way it feels natural. I never knew there were names and catagories for the way you parent until I joined some mom groups.

AP- Co-slept when DS was a baby (we still co-nap togather), No CIO, No spanking/hitting/shaming-Gentle discipline, Babywearing, Delay vaxing, eating organic and natural foods, I'm a health nut!

Mainstream- Formula feeding (was unable to breastfeed despite my 3 month long, hard battle with trying to get breastmilk), Hunter now sleeps in his own room.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i so would not consider ff after a 3 month batter trying to get bm mainstream.. i'm pretty sure thats not a real common occurrence. lol







i'm sorry you had a hard time!!


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## Kristine233 (Jul 15, 2003)

We call what we do "Alternative Parenting". Its a mix of all the parenting beliefs that fit us. Its not straight attachment parenting _as defined on MDC_, but its defintely not mainstream either.


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## AndrewsMother (Jul 30, 2007)

We are very AP, but not quite crunchy. Of the 8 principles of AP, Striving for balance in family and personal life is where I fall short. I am all was stretched to the limit and I feel as if DS needs me more at times, but right now I am on a mission to complete my education.

As for NFL we are not complete followers. I believe in early education and the benefits of excellent private schools, I detest the public transportaion in my current city and I drive whenever I am able, we delayed vaxed DS, supplemented w/ formula and I had tubes placed in his ears. I also LOVED my bucket seat (why wake a sleeping baby) and the stroller. Trying on clothes is a PITA without a stroller and I enjoyed drinking coffee w/out worrying if I would spill it on my baby.

However, we shop organic, strive to reduce our waste, co-sleep and made our own baby food and wear DS often.


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