# Car seat battles with hubby



## Veronique (Nov 10, 2005)

My husband is Mexican and I am Canadian. We have our disagreements sometimes, but mostly about what's good or bad for our son. Like, he thinks it's ok to give our 3 year old Coke for lunch and I totally disagree. Or he thinks a bag of nachos is a healthy snack. Anyways, things like that.....

But, now we've hit the big time----a new baby is on the way and yesterday my hubby said, 'Well, when the new baby comes we'll put our son in the seatbelt in the back and only use one car seat."
Our son is only 3 and weighs barely 30pounds. There's no way he is ready for a seatbelt. The whole idea of carseats is strange for a lot of people here. I always get comments from my friends wondering why I have a carseat. ANyways, if we do have 2 car seats in the back, we won't have room to transport anyone else in the car. I am not looking forward to the day when we go out with his mom, our 2 kids and me, and he wants to take a carseat out and put one of our kids on someone's lap.

We've had issues in the past when we've taken his family or friends out with us and they thought I was being 'difficult' for not taking out the carseat so that more people could squeeze in the back seat. I always gave in after hearing such comments like, "Do you want my mom to take the bus or what?"

Anyways, it's gonna be a tough battle and i have to convince my hubby that a 3 year old still needs a carseat. Any ideas?


----------



## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Because this is more a safety issue than a geographical one, I am going to move it to Family Safety.

Ladies, please be gentle and respectful, and keep in mind that this was moved from the Mexico tribal area, so car seat laws in other countries do not apply. Please also be sensitive to cultural issues. Thank you!


----------



## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

oops I just read Annette's post. Originally I suggested you post this in your area because of the different set of standards to most posters at MDC.







Maybe you could cross post.


----------



## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
oops I just read Annette's post. Originally I suggested you post this in your area because of the different set of standards to most posters at MDC.







Maybe you could cross post.









That's actually a great idea! I thought she would get some sound and compelling safety advice here.


----------



## cognito (Nov 30, 2007)

All I can say is good luck & check out You Tube for videos. I know there are some that show what would happen if holding a baby. There are also ones showing RFing vs FFing, harness vs booster & probably booster vs seatbelt. Don't back down on this one. This is one argument that losing isn't an option.


----------



## LeighB (Jan 17, 2008)

I agree, have him watch some videos and read the reports for himself.
Good luck!


----------



## sunnymw (Feb 28, 2007)

Quote:

"Do you want my mom to take the bus or what?"
"Do you want your (grand)son to die, or what?"







It's as simple as that.


----------



## veronicalynne (Nov 4, 2006)

Hey, your name is very close to mine. Anyway, I am married to an Iraqi and I am also Canadian....we had exactly the same issue regarding the car seat minus the in laws (and the nachos maybe). The only thing I did with my husband was I refused to enter the car without them being locked in properly. It caused a huge fight but I am stubborn and a mama bear where my kids are concerned. He did let dd1 sit in the front one time when he took her to the store. I didnt know but my dd told me and again we fought. He thinks I am a witch with a b about it but I refuse to compromise with it. It might be trickier with the inlaw situation.......I would still insist but maybe also try to show them proof why it is safer kwim?

Veronica


----------



## PassionateWriter (Feb 27, 2008)

i dont know what advice to give. i would simply take one kid out and take the bus myself if those were my options. i understand different cultures have different ways...but the law of physics does not stop at the border, yk?

i would have to go through some serious discussions on that one.


----------



## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

I think the best approach is going to depend a lot on what kind of a person your DH is. What does he respect? What does he dismiss? Some people, you show them some crash-test videos and they're sold. Others will glaze over at that, but will listen to recommendations from doctors or other authorities. Some would respond well to a comparison with other nations (i.e. "Look at the standards in Sweden, and they've got such a reputation for safety!") while others would be offended due to their national pride.

So it comes down to thinking about who your DH is and what kind of argument will persuade him. From the little you've posted, I'm guessing you should be *very* careful about anything that might be seen as a put-down to Mexico's standards or practices, as he seems to be quite proud of his culture (and should be... just maybe not on *this* point ;-). Is he more of a thinker or a feeler? I know a lot of folks hate the Kyle David ****** video (with good reason), but for some the emotional appeal is the best way to convince them that a 5-point harness is important.

When you've decided on an approach, I'm sure the folks on this board can help you with finding the material for your argument. ;-)


----------



## morganeldi (Nov 9, 2007)

I don't have much advice but I just wanted to sympathize. My dh & fam are from Panama where they also pretty much don't have carseat laws from my understanding. We are not living there so it's not as much of an issue but when my MIL comes to visit she is always making comments about "Poor baby all strapped up and trapped there, he looks so uncomfortable, why don't you take him out and put him on your lap?" and stuff. And when we go to visit there it's a constant explaining of WHY he needs the carseat, why we need to bring it, why we need to install it in the car wherever we go. People just seem to think its odd and that we're over protective. I've had to really stick to my guns in some situations where they want to just cram a bunch of people into a car...Like seriously, 10 people in a 5 person car...all the kids go on laps. Luckily my DH is so go with the flow so he will do whatever I say is best but I always have to remind him how important it is that the chest straps are in the right spot, that the seat is installed correctly etc. But at least he just says "oh ok" lol...


----------



## Veronique (Nov 10, 2005)

Quote:

Do you want your (grand)son to die, or what?" It's as simple as that
If I said that to my mom-in-law she would think that I was just overreacting...or say, "I'll hold him tight on my lap."

The thing is, here, carseats are not common. This is gonna freak everyone out, but----I see drivers with their kids sitting on their laps ALL THE TIME. It scares the crap out of me, but there is seriously nothing I can do. The only thing i can do is keep my kid in his carseat.

The thing is my DH's family members don't think it's dangerous. I've tried explaining the laws of physics but it falls on deaf ears. Also, i'm such a paranoid person to begin with that if I watched those videos of crash-test dummy car crashes, i would be afraid to even leave the house!

Thank you so much for all your helpful comments! I'm not going to drive without a carseat, I don't care if people think I"m a "beeyotch". But, it's more like they think I'm some over-protective, paranoid mom. I wish I could teach them some safety things, but it's a hopeless cause.


----------



## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

I wonder if you could simply frame this as a cultural thing of yours? "I know people don't do carseats here, but it's what we do back home... *I* even rode in a carseat when I was little... I wouldn't feel like I was taking care of my baby if I did otherwise." That might carry more weight with people than the physics that is going right over their heads.


----------



## pear-shaped (Dec 1, 2007)

I couldn't read without replying. I'm an American living in Italy with my Italian husband and I've had to deal with resistance to car seats as well. I really can't give any advice other than to be strong and stand firm. My dd is only 7 mos. old but I already have the reputation for being a stickler on this among my husband's relatives, and they now accept it but they shrug and act like I'm being ridiculous. Whatever. Fortunately my husband has some around for the most part, though I don't know if he'll be in agreement with me even when our daughter is older. I'll just have to deal with any future resistance on his part if and when it happens.

I am certain that the laws here are similar to those in the U.S., it's just people here don't give much thought to safety. I always see babies in their mother's arms in the front passenger seat. I have even seen toddlers alone in the front passenger seat without even a seat belt!







I just don't get it, because the same people who risk their kids lives in this way freak out if they're ever exposed to a draft or to wind.

BTW, I can sympathize with you on the coke issue too. All my in-laws give their kids coke, the youngest is just shy of 2 yrs. and he's been drinking it for a couple of mos. Dh even wanted to give our dd a little taste of it a couple of weeks ago! And when I said absolutely not, the in-laws were all, "why not, it's nothing!" And this was after I wanted to give her a little bit of melon and they all said that melon was too difficult for babies to digest!


----------



## Veronique (Nov 10, 2005)

That is hilarioius, Pear-Shaped.! My family also freaks out when there's a tiny hint of rain or wind, but they think it's ok to ride in the back of a pick-up truck!

Now that we've solved the coke problem (no more in the house), my husband has been giving our 3 year old coffee in the morning to 'warm up his tummy'..! HELP!


----------



## hottmama (Dec 27, 2004)

Where are you in Mexico?
I'm a carseat fanatic, I swear-- my kids RF until 33 lbs. and are both harnessed still-- but we drive on crowded freeways that have 70mph speed limits and people driving 90mph.
I've travelled a lot in Mexico (yes, in the backs of pickup trucks, mostly), and there are lots of places where I'd be okay with my child not in a carseat due to the lack of traffic and slow speeds. I let my kids ride in my stepdad's truck on the farm, too. Obviously, in any sized city you definitely need a carseat but if you are rural, I'd consider compromising about the 3 yr. old to keep the peace.


----------



## thepeach80 (Mar 16, 2004)

We went to Mexico once (Peurto Vallarta, so not country or anything) and there's no way I would go w/out a carseat! Our taxi drivers were nuts, lol.










This link might help.
http://www.car-seat.org/showthread.p...light=extended


----------



## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

I just wanted to jump in to say I can understand where the frustration would come for you. We are constantly amazed at how many people drive here with too many people in vehicles & babies & children on laps, crawling all over the place. Even more amazing to me is the whole family on a motorcycle!

Is it possible for you to get the stats on accidents & deaths in Canada (you should be able to get this off the gov't website) & Mexico - or if that's too controversial another country with similar carseat laws & showing your dh the difference. That may convince him.

At the same time I truly believe (please no flames) that the truth of the matter is somewhere between the laxness of latin america & the obsessiveness of Canada.


----------



## dongurigal (Aug 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
Even more amazing to me is the whole family on a motorcycle!

I lived in Vietnam-this always freaked me out! And no helmets. I used to carry around a helmet with me and people thought I was crazy.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
At the same time I truly believe (please no flames) that the truth of the matter is somewhere between the laxness of latin america & the obsessiveness of Canada.

No flames from me--I'd just change it to the laxness of the rest of the world and obsessiveness of Canada.









Re OP. My DH is French and I am Canadian. We came to an agreement, after a couple of frustrating discussions when DD was born, that we'd probably both parent differently and unless we thought something was dangerous, we'd try to let stuff go. We don't have an issue about car seats, but if we did, say, if I thought no big deal and he thought it was, I'd defer to his safety concerns. It's worked for us so far....but dd is only 7 months old, so we'll see. But it really helped us to have that talk. It's constant negotiation in an international marriage, eh.

Hope your dh comes around to your way of thinking on this issue.


----------



## Papooses (Dec 20, 2006)

Lost my post -- sorry if this is a duplicate....

If you're in Canada or the U.S. then it's probably completely illegal for your 3 year old to ride in merely a seatbelt. However, the laws of PHYSICS don't care where you live or what your nationality may be.

Please feel free to share any/all information, research, links, videos, photos, etc. @ my site with your husband > Sacred Journeys (don't forget to review the basic crash dynamics there, too)


----------



## Spirit Dancer (Dec 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
I think the best approach is going to depend a lot on what kind of a person your DH is. What does he respect? What does he dismiss? Some people, you show them some crash-test videos and they're sold. Others will glaze over at that, but will listen to recommendations from doctors or other authorities. Some would respond well to a comparison with other nations (i.e. "Look at the standards in Sweden, and they've got such a reputation for safety!") while others would be offended due to their national pride.

So it comes down to thinking about who your DH is and what kind of argument will persuade him. From the little you've posted, I'm guessing you should be *very* careful about anything that might be seen as a put-down to Mexico's standards or practices, as he seems to be quite proud of his culture (and should be... just maybe not on *this* point ;-). Is he more of a thinker or a feeler? I know a lot of folks hate the Kyle David ****** video (with good reason), but for some the emotional appeal is the best way to convince them that a 5-point harness is important.

When you've decided on an approach, I'm sure the folks on this board can help you with finding the material for your argument. ;-)

Ironica has some good advice.


----------



## Papooses (Dec 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Spirit Dancer* 
Ironica has some good advice.

Indeed







:

I wonder if he might also appreciate knowing that recent studies show that although Central & South American countries do have much higher rates of motor vehicle related injuries + deaths for children compared to the U.S. or Canada . . . the Hispanic/Latino populations within the U.S. & Canada tend to show the greatest improvements in correct, safe carseat usage before vs. after receiving the education









A blend of all the knowledge presented in a way of loving care is generally most beneficial







: GOOD LUCK


----------



## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Papooses* 
Indeed







:

I wonder if he might also appreciate knowing that recent studies show that although Central & South American countries do have much higher rates of motor vehicle related injuries + deaths for children compared to the U.S. or Canada . . . the Hispanic/Latino populations within the U.S. & Canada tend to show the greatest improvements in correct, safe carseat usage before vs. after receiving the education









That's fascinating! I don't suppose you have a link on that? I'd love to know more.

I've been thinking lately about becoming a CPST, because hey, I'm a geek, and carseats are fun to geek about. ;-) If I did, I'd probably try to organize car seat checks at the health fairs we run at our clinic locations, and our client population at those clinics is largely Latino. It'd be nice to be able to show to the Execs that such a service would do a lot of good!


----------



## Papooses (Dec 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
That's fascinating! I don't suppose you have a link on that? I'd love to know more.

I've been thinking lately about becoming a CPST, because hey, I'm a geek, and carseats are fun to geek about. ;-) If I did, I'd probably try to organize car seat checks at the health fairs we run at our clinic locations, and our client population at those clinics is largely Latino. It'd be nice to be able to show to the Execs that such a service would do a lot of good!

Unfortunately, most of my stellar advice like that is just a collection of notes on dinner napkins from last year's NHTSA & Lifesaver's conferences







I completely trust the instructors who gave me the information as they led the workshops/seminars, but I'm not sure if it's included in the downloadable files @ those websites (NHTSA + Lifesavers: *not* the candy







) because I have a horrible knack for crashing computers, thus losing wonderful links along the way.... SIGH


----------

