# Do you say anything mean in labor?



## diapers4fun (Oct 6, 2005)

What were some of the worst things you did or said during labor?

Is anybody pleasant during their entire labor?


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

I don't think I said anything mean.

During my first labor I had lots of annoying people around me and I never snapped at any of them. In retrospect think I should have let loose on them. They caused me more pain by talking during contractions.

My second birth was at home. I yelled "Holy $***" while pushing but it wasn't directed at anyone.


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## Katielady (Nov 3, 2006)

I never said anything mean to anyone. I did have one moment where I _almost_ did...I was towards the end and having trouble managing the pain, and my doula said, "It's the only kind of pain that's good pain." I almost blurted out, "What do YOU know about it???" because she didn't yet have kids. SO glad I didn't say it....she was pregnant at the time, but had had a miscarriage a few months earlier. And I think doulas without kids can be great doulas...I just didn't like what she had said and got annoyed.

But that said, for the record, telling a laboring mom it's "good pain" is not helpful.









Other than that I didn't have any mean or angry thoughts, I was just in the zone.


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## Blueena (Apr 3, 2007)

while pushing my son, my dh in his nervousness said to me "great job honey, you could push out two or three more after this one" and I looked at him and said "are you f_____ kidding me?", that was about as mean as I got.


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## mchalehm (Feb 5, 2007)

Nothing mean--but after about 10 hours of labor I said to my husband, "You are never, ever having sex again."


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

nope and I rarely ever hear women be unpleasant- what is even more surprising is how polite some women are to there DH or children when in labor-

I have had some moms cuss during a contraction but not at anyone one in particular more like f... ........... it hurts or..... I think that they are expressing intensity most of the time when it happens...


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I really couldn't talk much once contractions got strong. I did kinda moo or something, which I suppose could be taken as an insult...


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## KD's Momma (Oct 24, 2004)

dh was really worried that I would turn into one of those screaming crazy women you see on tv but of course I didn't. one birth instructor told us that women will behave in labor the same way they deal with all major stress in their life. If they normally become focused and introverted, expect that. I don't know if it's true for everyone but it's how I responded to both of my labors.


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## Kelly Jene (Jun 8, 2008)

I'll admit, I did. Just once though. My mom was at my first son's birth. While I was in transition she kept telling my boyfriend and the nurse stupid stories about her trip to the grocery store. I was so irritated I growled in what I'm sure was a Exorcist voice "Would you just shut the h*** up!" I couldn't help it. At least she got the point.


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## happyhippiemama (Apr 1, 2004)

I cussed but not at anyone in particular. I glared at my midwife's assistant when she tried to give me ice that I didn't want. Other than that....

I thought I would be mean. I'm a bitch when in pain, or tired, or hungry, or whathaveyou. I really am. But I guess I just didn't want to waste any energy on being mean while dealing with ctx. Heh.


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## dogmom327 (Apr 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KD's Momma* 
dh was really worried that I would turn into one of those screaming crazy women you see on tv but of course I didn't. one birth instructor told us that women will behave in labor the same way they deal with all major stress in their life. If they normally become focused and introverted, expect that. I don't know if it's true for everyone but it's how I responded to both of my labors.









This makes sense to me. I normally become more focused when I'm stressed. I was sure I'd be a royal b**ch when I was in labor but in fact I was perfectly fine until transition (when I finally called the midwife and my best friend and sister to come over) and after that I was overwhelmed and scared. Not that I was going to die or anything, more scared of how overwhelming the feelings were. I'm told I was actually very pleasant. Everyone was surprised. My sister was cute, she said later she was prepared it to be what I was like during puberty. Unpleasant wouldn't even cover it


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

I am usually foulmouthed, and I actually *stopped* swearing. Make of that what you will.

I did instruct my sister and husband to "Shut up!" when they were discussing something during a contraction.

I feel like I mostly whined that I didn't wanna dooooo it. That was transition.


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## sharr610 (May 14, 2008)

I had a hospital transfer from a homebirth to get some pitocin to strengthen my contractions(that were already quite painful b/c it was back labor...long story). Some idiot lady came in and started trying to put in an IV when I was in the middle of some big contractions. She had no idea what she was doing. At one point after poking me twice and getting nowhere, she sighed heavily and said annoyed, "Mrs. Edwards, I really need you to try to be still for me." I responded, "I'm having a f___ing contraction! I can't be f___ing still, so figure it out and deal with it!"


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

I couldn't talk much in labor because it was very intense and short. Mainly moans and groans. I think I said at one point "I'm not getting any breaks". Once I was pushing, I just kept saying over and over "this is so hard". That was it. I didn't even feel like swearing or anything like that. I did bite my husbands hand at one really hard push but he didn't say a word


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

For the record, ladies, swearing doesn't constitute "mean," especially if it isn't directed at anybody. Rumor has it MWs joke about swearing; it's a positive sign that the baby is about to crown!

Personally, I didn't say anything until after DD was born. At that point, I looked at her and said, "I _reeeeeallllly_ hope you're happy as an only child, kid!"

My favorite story came a few months ago from another poster in this forum who uttered a threat to her scissor-happy OB: "IF...YOU...CUT...ME...I...WILL...SUE....YOU!" Where is that poster, anyway?


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

With my first, I told my mom to *uck off. (She started counting while I was pushing) and that was a medicated birth







: With my two unmedicated births I was fine!


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## katie&micah (May 16, 2005)

The only time I was rude was when DH kept repeating that everything would be ok whenever I moaned. The moaning really helped me and I told him I knew it would be fine and that he needed to stop talking. I also thought beforehand that I would be a royal b*tch, but that didn't happen.


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## zoe196 (Mar 20, 2007)

I wish I had snapped at my friend and the midwife as they were chatting away about this and that. It was really annoying and distracting. However, I think I
a: didn't want to waste the energy
b: didn't want to offend them (!)

Interesting what pp said about being focused/introverted-- I am/ was definalty like that in life and labor!

Zoe , mama to Thomas 01-06


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## amymaew (Apr 25, 2007)

I told dh I would go get a butcher knife and cut his f*****g feet off if he didn't stop running up and down the stairs, but that was about it. He shouldn't have been running up and down the stairs lolol


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## stacyann21 (Oct 21, 2006)

I really wasn't that "out of it" during labor. I didn't cuss anybody out or anything like that, LOL. I think I told my MEDwife to go away once or twice and I probably bitched at DP but that's nothing new







I do remember being very short with my mom because she arrived at the birth center before us and when we got out of the car she ran right over gushing about the baby and how was I feeling etc and it was just too much. I think I said something like, "nooooo" and just walked right past her and through the door, LOL.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

No, not mean... just a tad of diva-ness, that I do not usually show.

Example..

"That shirt is too hot to touch, take it off" to hubby who was wearing a flannel shirt overlayer while I hung on him during contractions.


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## barefootpoetry (Jul 19, 2007)

: I think I called my unborn son a [email protected] Or I might have just yelled it out randomly, like, "[email protected]!" I don't remember exactly. I was really frustrated at a lot of different things. I do remember that the CNM got a really shocked look on her face.







Guess she'd never heard THAT one before.


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## alison_in_oh (Nov 23, 2005)

There was one point in the hospital where I was breathing through a contraction, and the orderly who was setting up the cart with the midwife's gloves and things got really concerned. He kept asking me, "Are you OK?" and finally DH, nonchalantly in the corner setting up his laptop, told him "She's fine." The contraction ended and I finally piped up, saying dryly, "Yeah, I'm just in labor." I was SO amused by this because it was a LABOR AND DELIVERY WARD. I was easily amused during labor though.









But no, the only really snappish thing I did was to tell my DH to stop stroking my hair or rubbing my back or something while I pushed. Whatever it was was REALLY uncomfortable so I was hardly going to say nothing about it! It hurt his feelings though.


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## Eresh (Jul 17, 2007)

At one point while I was concentrating during a contraction, one of the midwives poked her head into the room and asked if I wanted them to stay with me or whether I wanted to be alone with my DH. I said "Just go!" though it was more along the lines of stop bugging me while I'm having a contraction. Later my husband said I kicked them out of the room so I guess it came across a bit more strongly than intended.









And I cussed during transition, but only when my husband was around. I was too embarrassed to cuss in front of the midwives ... LOL


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

I told DH to shut the F up because he was complaining about feeling nauseous from the cafeteria food while I was in transition and thought my crotch was on fire. Please. I don't want to here about your pain when my vulva is ripping open. He totally deserved it.


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## notwonamesalike (Nov 13, 2007)

I had been in labor for about 15 hours - hard, active labor. My doctor came in and the nurse asked him if I was dialated to one or two. "Nope, She's dialated to like station forever. " Meaning I was nowhere near were I needed to be.

I looked at him and told him to "shut up and come back to my room when he could be more productive." He laughed at me and told me I could apologize later. I did.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

I didn't actually say the words...but my head was full of some nasty comments. I remember my sister came in the room and was showing my mom her new coat. "Who the f**k cares about your flippin' coat!!!!!!"


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## Belia (Dec 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *notwonamesalike* 
I looked at him and told him to "shut up and come back to my room when he could be more productive." He laughed at me and told me I could apologize later. I did.










I don't know.... I think he should have apologized to you!


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## Picturesque (May 31, 2007)

I stayed home until late in my labor. When I arrived at the hospital, the nurse said that she would need to send a tech in to take some blood. I was getting ready to get into the tub. The nurse stated that the tech on duty was male and asked if I would prefer a female tech. I mumbled, "I don't give a sh!t." The nursed said, "What?" and I said "I DON'T GIVE A SH!T!" My sweet doula then turned to the nurse and said, "She said she doesn't have a preference."









So, yeah, I guess I was a little bit mean during labor.


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## kitkat5505 (Feb 22, 2005)

During transition with DS#2 DH kept patting my hand saying "It's ok. It's ok." over and over and I finally yelled at him to shut up, cuz it was the most annoying thing at that point and not at all helpful. My sister told me just a few days ago something I don't remember at all about my labor with DS#1. She said my MIL was talking and being annoying and I said something along the lines of "somebody get her out of here" but I don't remember that at all, and I really like my MIL so I can't imagine saying that but she swears I was so annoyed at MIL.


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## littleaugustbaby (Jun 27, 2003)

I can't remember...but I know that I was thinking some not very nice things about everyone in the room when they were being so cheerful and telling me that I was doing a great job!


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## Gremco (Nov 2, 2006)

I yelled at my mom to "shut up" when she was trying to get me to visualize the baby going down the canal (I knew she was stuck at thins point.) This was right after telling her I loved her. She thought it was funny, but thankfully didn't laugh. I don't remember saying anything mean to DH, but I did bite him a couple of times. When the nurse was trying to tell me risks of the epidural I told her to "shut up and stick it in me."


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## MammaB21 (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 







: I think I called my unborn son a [email protected] Or I might have just yelled it out randomly, like, "[email protected]!" I don't remember exactly. I was really frustrated at a lot of different things. I do remember that the CNM got a really shocked look on her face.







Guess she'd never heard THAT one before.









: This is about the funniest thing I have heard in a LONG time. Just wait till DS grows up, and you can tell him you've been swearing at him since before he was even born!!







:nana:

I didn't say anything mean during my labor. In fact, I was the complete oposite. I was _extremely_ sensitive to other people's feelings. In fact, during transition, I remeber screaming/moanin/singing really loudly during a contraction. Right after it let up, I looked around the room and said, "are you guys okay?" Everyone laughed at me and said, "we're fine, just consentrate on you." I guess I was just worried that my loved ones were having a hard time watching me in pain, and I was also a bit embarrassed I think. I'm sure next time I will let that feeling go, because in hindsight, I can see how much it was holding me back.


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## fallriverfox (Nov 16, 2006)

I made it through the birth just fine, but after when I was blissfully holding DD they started to sew me up and I sat up and said "WHAT are you DOING down there!!!" 'cause it really hurt. When the doctor went to leave, we thanked her (she had been wonderful) and I apologized for "being crabby" She looked at me like I had lost my mind. Apparently, I was actually low on the mean scale.


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## greene_mama (May 31, 2008)

Two things: when my family (mom, dad, brother) was driving me crazy early on by hanging around my house, I finally just snapped and said, "You realize you are all going to have to LEAVE." They all got this shocked look on their faces and left promptly. My poor family. My entire family that I grew up with!

But the one we still laugh about is when we were on our way out the door to go to the hospital and my MIL (who is one of the sweetest people on earth) asked me if there was anything she could do for me, and I said, "Shoot me in the FACE!" (while literally crawling on the floor towards the door).

It was totally rude, but it has become a catch phrase among our friends.


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## MammaB21 (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *greene_mama* 
But the one we still laugh about is when we were on our way out the door to go to the hospital and my MIL (who is one of the sweetest people on earth) asked me if there was anything she could do for me, and I said, "Shoot me in the FACE!" (while literally crawling on the floor towards the door).

It was totally rude, but it has become a catch phrase among our friends.









Bwahahaha!!!! These are great!!! LOOOOOVE IT!!!

I can totally picture this in my mind. _Crawling to the door_!!!! Priceless.

Oh, and ETA: I am truely sorry that I am taking such sick and twisted pleasure in all of your 'mean' sayings and birth stories. But is it just me, or is this the stuff we remember forever? Not necessarily the pain, but the funny, random, off the wall humer in it all???


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## lil_earthmomma (Dec 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaB21* 
:

I didn't say anything mean during my labor. In fact, I was the complete oposite. I was _extremely_ sensitive to other people's feelings. In fact, during transition, I remeber screaming/moanin/singing really loudly during a contraction. Right after it let up, I looked around the room and said, "are you guys okay?" Everyone laughed at me and said, "we're fine, just consentrate on you." I guess I was just worried that my loved ones were having a hard time watching me in pain, and I was also a bit embarrassed I think. I'm sure next time I will let that feeling go, because in hindsight, I can see how much it was holding me back.

This was me!







While pushing I would lay back after a contraction and then say "is everyone ok? Are you ready? I'm gonna start pushing again ok?" The mw's giggled and told me not to worry about anyone but me.

I sometimes have a potty mouth, especially when I'm hurting, but one of my mw's is very religious, and so I subconciously didn't want to "offend" her. It was good though, because it kept me in a positive frame of mind.

My sister on the other hand had the same mw's and swore like a sailor!


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## ~Katie~ (Mar 18, 2007)

I don't think I was mean to anybody. I was pretty mellow up until 9-10cm when I wanted to push and couldn't because of an anterior lip, I threw out a few G*d D****it's and I just want to f**king push, my midwife laughed at those. Apparently because I had been so calm all during my labor and I was starting to get feisty







At one point my DH started to get worked up. I stopped mid contraction/pushing and looked directly at him and in the calmest voice said "Just relax, everything is okay". That will forever stick with me since I was the pregnant woman doing the reassuring to her husband instead of the other way around.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

At one point during the homebirth I desperately wanted to yell "Enough of this hippie crap, just pull the damn kid out already!" But I had the restraint to keep it to myself.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeydee* 
I told DH to shut the F up because he was complaining about feeling nauseous from the cafeteria food while I was in transition and thought my crotch was on fire. Please. I don't want to here about your pain when my vulva is ripping open. He totally deserved it.

OMG, I can't stop laughing at this.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amymaew* 
I told dh I would go get a butcher knife and cut his f*****g feet off if he didn't stop running up and down the stairs, but that was about it. He shouldn't have been running up and down the stairs lolol

I am now laughing so hard I'm crying.


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

I was always pleasant (at least I think so). In fact, when the mw asst kept asking for random things (like paperwork, shoulder length gloves, various birth kit supplies, etc.) during transition, I remember at one point thinking, "Oh no, how in god's name am I going to make it out to the car right now to get her that paper." What I said was sort of a breathless "I don't know - it might be in the car - do you really need it right now?" sort of thing. I also instructed my dh on how to finish making the lasagna during transition, because I really wanted to have something nice for the midwives to eat when they got there (they arrived after the birth). And during pushing, I asked a couple of times how close I was to having the baby because I really felt I couldn't do it anymore.

But no swearing or being mean or anything.


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## bvnms (Apr 29, 2008)

I don't think I've ever been mean or anything. When I had Stephanie, I remember as soon as she was out, before they had cut her cord, I said "I am never doing that again!" Well, we can see how that turned out. Steph has heard this story and there have been a few times in her life that she reminds me of it and says "I wish you would have kept that promise."














She's not always real fond of her brother's and sister's.


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## Catherine12 (May 15, 2006)

I was never really mean, but I do get short and bossy - because I don't have time to say, "dear, I'm having a contraction. Could you please rub my feet to help me deal with the pain?" I would just yell "feet!" or "contraction!" so I could get what I needed right away.

I do regret the things I have said right before crowning - variations on "I want it out right now!" - because I feel like that's not a nice way to talk about your baby... especially the "it" part, though since we never found out the gender I didn't have much choice there (and again, not enough time to say "I want him or her out right now.")

I do always tell dh that I love him during labor... so maybe I get sappy instead of mean (and I'm definitely sappy after the baby comes out).


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## MeniacleBrat (Nov 21, 2007)

I think the one time that I actually yelled at someone was when I gave birth to my oldest. It was a military hospital so, not a lot of crunchy options there (not that I was even remotely crunchy then). I was in a monitoring room and it was time, so I told my husband to tell the nurse that I needed to go to the bathroom. She walks in, takes one look at me and immediately she's on the bed shoving my knees up to my chest in the middle of a contraction and yelling for the other medics to come in and wheel me to the delivery room. The only thing I remember saying was "get the f*** off me, b****!!!"

Funny thing is, I felt TERRIBLE for cussing out an officer (I was enlisted) and went back after I was discharged and actually appologized to her. She started laughing and said she had heard MUCH worse from many, many patients but that I was the first one EVER to actually come back and appologize. lol


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## neverdoingitagain (Mar 30, 2005)

I was kind of mean during my first labour.
My dh was trying to "help" me push. Wanted me to remember that I went through the "Circle of Pain" in karate. I just told him to shut up.
I also swore when they used the vacuum to extract my dd.

I was much more pleasant the second time around


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## Xenopus (Nov 23, 2006)

No I didn't - say anything mean. Which is interesting, because when I'm not laboring, I have a pretty uncensored vocabulary.

I never cussed out DH or anyone else, and I never said I'd never do it again (I knew we wanted more babes). My verbal communication reduced down to one or two words at a time "water" "don't touch me"

When we got to the ho$pital, I was trying to walk to the L&D suite, and a stupid nursing assistant started chasing us down the hallway with a wheelchair. I was squatting against the wall and waiting for a ctx to recede so I could continue (btw, this was in transition). She actually bumped me in the back with the wheelchair several times...... DH told her to back off, but I said nothing.

in retrospect, wish I had cut her a new one. But, that part of me was on hiatus, during labor, it seems.

Wonder what homebirth will be like this time? I'll let you know.

-Xen


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## hempmama (Dec 16, 2004)

The first time during pushing, my OB was telling me what was happening, and what effect my pushing was having- "that one moved her really far down! Can you try another one like that?" Really helpful stuff, seriously, just what I needed. Only my husband was super excited, and kept repeating verbatim whatever the OB said, like an echo. I'd been super kind, probably over solicitous, like some of the other posters up until that point. I lost it, though, and nearly yelled, "SHUT THE F&*% UP AND STOP GIVING ME MEDICAL ADVICE! YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR!"

No such problems in my second labor.


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## Redifer (Nov 25, 2006)

My first one I had an epidural, so I was stoned out of my gourd. I just kept saying things like "I'm stoned" and "I can see board games on the ceiling!"

My second one was natural, and I got quite cranky as I was starting to hit transition (AND they took my music away... I NEEDED that metallica!). DH and MIL were both touching and rubbing me, and it was just sensory overload. So I wound up flapping my arms around like a duck on meth, yelling at them to "Stop F-ing touching me! Jesus, why must you both TOUCH me all the F-ing time?! DON'T TALK, DON'T TOUCH ME, JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!!"

Naturally, they both completely understood the situation, no hard feelings









And then there was this major pushing urge, to which I announced quite loudly:
"I feel like I have to take a massive dump all over this table!!!"
That certainly got the room into a flurry of movement! Not quite mean, but crude...

ETA more I thought of after I hit the post button:

When the entire intern staff came in the room.. because, apparently, a shrieking, swearing woman having an all-natural labor was completely foreign and a 'learning experience', I looked up, looked at the ob, and just said, in a totally monotone voice: "Are you F'ing Sh-ing me? You people don't even F-ing ask before having 15 people come in and stare at my crotch?!"

And then when she was stitching me, I told her several times the local hadn't taken effect. I kept wincing, flinching, etc. The nurses grabbed my legs to hold me still, and I flipped. They told me I needed to be still, and it wasn't that bad.
"Isn't that bad?! I am running away from my own A$$ right now! Do you see this?" Then they got irritated, and I got louder "I swear to all that is Holy, if you don't give me more local, I'm going to take that needle and stick it all up in your lady-bits, let's see you be still about it!"

Nurses after weighing DD:
"You had a 10 lb baby?! Vaginally?! With no meds?!"
"Umm, yup, still bleeding from my crotch here, gals. Clue enough for you?"

Yea, I get cranky, and mean. Especially when people just refuse to do what I want them to without me telling them!


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

I worked hard to be pleasant and nice. It's me, my people-pleasing personality and I wanted to make things nice for my mw's and attendents. It helped I was in a good setting, if I had been in a hospital setting, maybe it would have been different.

I was somewhat snappish with my mom, when she got (what I Thought) was pretty late to the birth and I thought she was going to miss it. And she reminded me that they are just like menstural cramps and I told her "This hurts MORE than menstural cramps!" She still hasn't forgive me for that, but then again she's extremely sensitive and holds grudges







I guess in her own natural labor she was nice as can be.

Quote:

My first one I had an epidural, so I was stoned out of my gourd. I just kept saying things like "I'm stoned" and "I can see board games on the ceiling!"

Quote:

So I wound up flapping my arms around like a duck on meth,
Oh my lord the above two have me dying laughing....although I'm sure the epidural experience wasn't funny at the time...or maybe it was, since you said you weren't very crunchy then. Board games on the ceiling? That's one I've never heard.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KD's Momma* 
one birth instructor told us that women will behave in labor the same way they deal with all major stress in their life. If they normally become focused and introverted, expect that. I don't know if it's true for everyone but it's how I responded to both of my labors.









I think that's definitely true. My usual approach to stress is to get really testy and irritable, and to resent and snap at anything that takes my attention away from what I'm doing. Labor was the same way for me. I was never openly RUDE to anyone, but I was a little, um, SHORT with people. I just wanted to be left alone. I remember sitting next to the bed and repeatedly kicking the leg of it over and over and over, and DH would ask me if I was "okay," and I'd be like, "shut UP would you please just SHUT UP." And yeah, I said please, but it was in this "leave me alone or I'm going to slaughter you" voice. That's me. I'll say all the right polite words, but I'll say them in the voice that kills.

That was with DD1. With DS, I WAS alone and paralyzed with fear. I had the OB on the phone with me talking me through what was happening while we waited for an ambulance, and I was too busy being unbelievably grateful for her to be rude to her.

I do remember telling DH off, with DD1. He was all helicoptering over me fussing and trying to be helpful and asking me a million times if I needed anything, and I basically told him, "look what I really want is for you to sit down way over there in the corner and don't move and don't say anything and for the love of God don't even BREATHE so's I can hear it. Okay?"

I didn't labor with the twins.


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## spewie (Oct 3, 2006)

I was pretty nice until the MW was holding a cervical lip back while I was pushing. I screamed at her to get her fingers out of me and when the contraction was over I whimpered "your fingers *hurt* me!" And she replied "you hurt my fingers."







I told her I didn't feel bad


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## turnquia (May 26, 2008)

I didn't say anything in particular. But my nurse kept trying to listen to baby's heart rate mid contraction.. she'd just come at me with monitor. LOL having someone messing with you mid transition isn't fun!

Well I kept telling her to wait, and she didn't get the hint so I smacked her hands away. Then after contraction I said something like "I"m a nurse I know you have to listen but damn just give me a minute!" LOL she waited until I said it was ok after that. But it was helpful our MW/doula would announce she needed to listen and I should tell her when I was ready.


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## veronicalynne (Nov 4, 2006)

I had a vbac with my 2nd dd and had an new assistant dr who just had to shove her hand in me when I was in transition and having contrations. At first, I asked her nicely to take her hand out and she refused so finally yelled at her to "take her f*&^%%%* hand out now" in a deadly voice. She ended up leaving the room when I again had to yell at her that I was not getting a damn epidural because i wasnt having a (insert ur own word here) c/s.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Redifer* 
My first one I had an epidural, so I was stoned out of my gourd. I just kept saying things like "I'm stoned" and "I can see board games on the ceiling!"

My second one was natural, and I got quite cranky as I was starting to hit transition (AND they took my music away... I NEEDED that metallica!). DH and MIL were both touching and rubbing me, and it was just sensory overload. So I wound up flapping my arms around like a duck on meth, yelling at them to "Stop F-ing touching me! Jesus, why must you both TOUCH me all the F-ing time?! DON'T TALK, DON'T TOUCH ME, JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!!"

Naturally, they both completely understood the situation, no hard feelings









And then there was this major pushing urge, to which I announced quite loudly:
"I feel like I have to take a massive dump all over this table!!!"
That certainly got the room into a flurry of movement! Not quite mean, but crude...

ETA more I thought of after I hit the post button:

When the entire intern staff came in the room.. because, apparently, a shrieking, swearing woman having an all-natural labor was completely foreign and a 'learning experience', I looked up, looked at the ob, and just said, in a totally monotone voice: "Are you F'ing Sh-ing me? You people don't even F-ing ask before having 15 people come in and stare at my crotch?!"

And then when she was stitching me, I told her several times the local hadn't taken effect. I kept wincing, flinching, etc. The nurses grabbed my legs to hold me still, and I flipped. They told me I needed to be still, and it wasn't that bad.
"Isn't that bad?! I am running away from my own A$$ right now! Do you see this?" Then they got irritated, and I got louder "I swear to all that is Holy, if you don't give me more local, I'm going to take that needle and stick it all up in your lady-bits, let's see you be still about it!"

Nurses after weighing DD:
"You had a 10 lb baby?! Vaginally?! With no meds?!"
"Umm, yup, still bleeding from my crotch here, gals. Clue enough for you?"

Yea, I get cranky, and mean. Especially when people just refuse to do what I want them to without me telling them!

This is hysterical. Not what happened, but how you tell it.

This is also why I'm planning a solo UC.


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## Bad Horse (Mar 17, 2008)

These are great!

Board games on the ceiling! Butcher knives! Hehe.

Well, my first was in a hospital, where I arrived at 9cm, having driven myself in transition (it was close, at least!).

There was this nurse, oh goodness. I almost sued the hospital and would have probably won because of her, but ended up not.

Anyway, I screamed a LOT at her to leave me the f* alone, and it ended up that I kept kicking at her. She broke my water against my will, and finally I took a REALLY good kick at her head, knocked her a really good one, and she left. Ha.

I remember screaming at the stupid ped that came in to get me to sign papers for the Hep B vax, and I told him I didn't want it (while in transition with one on top of the other contrx, no breaks, water broken against my will, and PITOCIN against my will at this point, yes, I'd gotten to the hospital at 9cm after having only been in labor for about 2 hours. Me=no hospitals. EVER.) I said I just didn't because of what I had read, etc. And he demanded I explain... I finally screamed at him that I knew what the hell I was talking about and that I didn't have to explain it to him and he needed to leave me the f* alone!

Geez people. WTH?

Oh, and my favorite parts of this are that #1) the next day they told me they would send the LC in to my room before I left, and it was HER. She walked in, saw me, I flipped her off, she walked right back out. Heh.
#2) The Hep B was recalled due to safety concerns a few days later, so I felt vindicated on that one, too.

Fortunately with my 2nd it was home with just my dh and mws, and for the most part I really think I was quite pleasant towards all of them.


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## purplepaisleymama (Jan 31, 2007)

With my first I was annoyed by my Mother, who at the time still smoked her clothes reeked and I was nauseous, so I did fight the urge to throw her out of the room. I was short with the replacement nurse (when our nurse went on lunch) and she was talking through my contractions. With my second I was nice to everyone, though my mother insists that I was rude and I yelled at the midwives, the midwives and DH do not agree with that, they were in the room with me and I was yelling across the house to give directions to where the washcloths and the ice-packs were in the freezer. I remembered that it was our assistant midwife's birthday when she came in while I was in transition and I looked up and wished her a happy birthday, then I put my head down and kept on with the contraction. The midwives were very surprised and told a few other mom's about how polite i was during labor.
My third labor was my nicest, I was almost in a good type of pain, and had spent the entire hard labor in the bathroom. At one point just after the midwife showed up she suggested that we send our kids over to the neighbor's house across the street because they were jumping on the mattress in the living room. I was not happy with that idea especially since the neighbor in question was a heavy smoker and not very competent with children, our childcare hadn't shown up and she was worried that the kids were messing with the bed. I yelled from the bathroom that the kids were fine and they would not be leaving the house. DH was very supportive and told the midwife that she was not in charge and that the kids were fine, we did end up inviting the neighbor over to watch the kids, because the midwife was so annoying about it. It turned out to be a great thing as the neighbor had three children and had never seen a vaginal birth, so it was a very moving experience watching Cal be born, while holding our 2 yo.
With our 4th DH and I were the only ones in the room and I have video evidence that I only spoke three times between the time my water broke and Sea was born, about 6 minutes. IIRC the three things were 'oil' , 'now' and get the squeegie ( blue nasal syringe) that was it, though I did roll my eyes at DH who chose the last 3 minutes before the babe was born to finally discuss the 'do you think it will be a boy or a girl' topic that he had been avoiding for the previous 8 months.
With our fifth I was moaning and saying that it didn't feel right, up until I reached transition, then I was quiet until I needed to ask for the towels as I caught him.
I am usually a very loud person and that seems to escape me when I am in labor, though I do really think and concentrate on the situation. I am constantly assessing the situation and planning for the next possibility.


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## Katie Bugs Mama (Feb 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diapers4fun* 
Is anybody pleasant during their entire labor?

I was. DH has anxiety issues, so I've always been very protective of him whenever he's outside of his comfort zone. Seeing me in labor was definitely way out of his comfort zone. Between every contraction, I assured him that it really wasn't that bad and that I was fine, and I kept asking him if he was OK and if he needed anything.

My midwife seemed to think that it was very strange, but I think that focussing on someone other than myself distracted me and kept me sane.


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## ema-adama (Dec 3, 2007)

Gosh, some of these have me in stitches with laughter.... they are hilarious!























I think I fall into the pleasantly labouring category. I had been really worried that I would be nasty to DH, but I actually just craved his comfort and his solidity throughout the labour. I think I was so deeply involved in the labour process - almost meditating - that I did not need to say much. I also had an awesome team who did not intrude except to tell me I could feel DS's head crowning when I didn't want to.

Very mild in comparison to some others


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

In my second labor, which was mind-bendingly intense, I kept telling Dh to shutup. He could ask questions or say, "You're doing great" in between contractions, usually - but during contractions and then later on when it was just all the time, he couldn't talk at all. If he did I said, "Shut up... I'm sorry... shut up." I felt bad that I couldn't find better words, when he was SO supportive and awesome to me, but I really couldn't find a polite way to phrase it, not under the circumstances! A couple of times I said, "Hold, please" which is a quote from Galaxy Quest when the sh** hits the fan and Sigourney Weaver's character is trying to play it off.







But mostly just plain Shut Up. He said I didn't say it mean, just VERY business-like.

But I've never felt angry in labor, or irked, or anything. Too busy, and the only person I've actually had to deal with is Dh who is monumentally respectful and sensitive when I'm giving birth.


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## spu (Dec 6, 2002)

I didn't say anything mean while in labor, but after the head came out (and I screamed in joy!) I innocently said, "now what?" and DH said "shoulders" and we all laughed.


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## barefootpoetry (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Redifer* 
My first one I had an epidural, so I was stoned out of my gourd. I just kept saying things like "I'm stoned" and "I can see board games on the ceiling!"

Oh man, your entire post was hilarious, but this bit reminded me of when I was pregnant and had to go to the ER because I was having a panic attack and couldn't breathe. They gave me morphine to calm me down, and I sh!t you not, I laid there in the room singing, "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones. I was high as a KITE. All the nurses who kept scurrying by the open door would give me the WEIRDEST looks. Not a labor story, but still prety funny if you ask me.


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## granola_mom (Jun 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diapers4fun* 
What were some of the worst things you did or said during labor?

Is anybody pleasant during their entire labor?

Heh. While I was pregnant I kept telling myself I wouldn't... that I would keep the vibe peaceful. At one point while I was pushing I wanted to yell out every swear word I knew, but then I told myself, "no, chloe, keep it peaceful!" haha!

I think the meanest thing I said was "Get me water, NOW!"


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## knucklehead (Mar 12, 2008)

While I was having very painful contractions my DH was filling out generic hospital admit paperwork. One of the questions was "is there a chance you could be pregnant?" Well he asked me this in a humorous tone right in the middle of my moaning in pain. I yelled at him, "it isn't funny you f$*%ing jerk!" Then I threatened to throw him out of the room. The nurse didn't even flinch. I'm sure she has heard it all.


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

we tell people to not talk to moms during a contraction-- using this example
imagine carrying a fridge into the house- now in the middle of the lift answer questions with more than a grunt or a curse ; ) I think that short answers or directed answers are not mean. plenty of times moms think that they have been loud or have been unpleasant and what they have said is shhhh or stop talking or don't touch me or hold me or put your hand back there... very short direct/directive statements and I think that women may not be use to being that focused about what they need or want and feel guilty---- but it is not my definition of mean and I love it when women are clear and focused like that


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## hapersmion (Jan 5, 2007)

I could hardly make myself say anything in labor, much less anything mean. (That even happens when I'm sleepy, I just don't talk much.)







But I remember being rather annoyed at my DH for not rubbing my back during each contraction. He was supposed to know when to start rubbing, somehow, without me saying anything or making noise or moving.







He didn't time them like I asked him to, either. Slacker.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I wasn't purposely mean.

The meanest things i said was a gasped "this stings like f---!" as she crowned, and the midwife replied "Yes, this is the stingy bit", and then a quite stern "give me my baby" as soon as she was out. I hadn't begun pushing yet (i had a really fast labour) though, so i was quite shocked that she was coming out already. I can remember holding her against my breast and wondering if i was ok to push yet (i'd had a longish period of prodomal labour with premature pushing urge as she was posterior, which blended seamlessly into a real pushing urge, but i didn't realise it was, and then she emerged, just under 4 hours after being found to be in prelabour (2-3cm, 25% effaced).

I did also at one point roughly push XP's hands away. He'd been pressing on my sacrum during contractions when she was still posterior and that was great if he was touching me before the ctx started but if he wasn't there already, starting to press after the contraction began was awful, and i couldn't speak so i just pushed his hands off. I did apologise when the contraction ended


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

I told my husband to be quiet--he was spouting something very nice and hippie-dippie about "Think of all the women in labor with you right now..."

That's it, though.


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## pixiepunk (Mar 11, 2003)

i said a few curses but not directed at anyone. actually i don't say much of anything while i'm in labor. i'm pretty much in my own little world most of the time.

when i had a bunch of back labor with DD1 and my mom was helping with counter-pressure on my sacrum i did keep snipping at her to push harder, though







poor mom probably worked harder than i did, and had to stare at my naked butt while doing it


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## MamaEli (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Redifer* 
My first one I had an epidural, so I was stoned out of my gourd. I just kept saying things like "I'm stoned" and "I can see board games on the ceiling!"

My second one was natural, and I got quite cranky as I was starting to hit transition (AND they took my music away... I NEEDED that metallica!). DH and MIL were both touching and rubbing me, and it was just sensory overload. So I wound up flapping my arms around like a duck on meth, yelling at them to "Stop F-ing touching me! Jesus, why must you both TOUCH me all the F-ing time?! DON'T TALK, DON'T TOUCH ME, JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!!"

Naturally, they both completely understood the situation, no hard feelings









And then there was this major pushing urge, to which I announced quite loudly:
"I feel like I have to take a massive dump all over this table!!!"
That certainly got the room into a flurry of movement! Not quite mean, but crude...

ETA more I thought of after I hit the post button:

When the entire intern staff came in the room.. because, apparently, a shrieking, swearing woman having an all-natural labor was completely foreign and a 'learning experience', I looked up, looked at the ob, and just said, in a totally monotone voice: "Are you F'ing Sh-ing me? You people don't even F-ing ask before having 15 people come in and stare at my crotch?!"

And then when she was stitching me, I told her several times the local hadn't taken effect. I kept wincing, flinching, etc. The nurses grabbed my legs to hold me still, and I flipped. They told me I needed to be still, and it wasn't that bad.
"Isn't that bad?! I am running away from my own A$$ right now! Do you see this?" Then they got irritated, and I got louder "I swear to all that is Holy, if you don't give me more local, I'm going to take that needle and stick it all up in your lady-bits, let's see you be still about it!"

Nurses after weighing DD:
"You had a 10 lb baby?! Vaginally?! With no meds?!"
"Umm, yup, still bleeding from my crotch here, gals. Clue enough for you?"

Yea, I get cranky, and mean. Especially when people just refuse to do what I want them to without me telling them!


This whole post had me laughing so loud. I read it to DH (completely uncensored, and I almost never cuss) and he just stared at me and said, "Oh please, don't be like that." Well, we'll see!


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I think the only time I got mean was when my bladder got compressed and I was having wild and crazy urges to pee.

I was getting VERY angry about it and people were kind of holding me and telling me to push and I shrieked at them "NOT THAT KIND OF HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!"

They gave me a catheter once they figured out what the problem was and I felt MUCH better

Mostly I told jokes, inappropriate jokes, or taunting my Dr, it was late at night and every time he would leave I would make fun of him, "Aaawww....What's wrong?? Are you tired??" or "You better get your hand stamped if you want back in"


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## clemrose (Dec 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
I am usually foulmouthed, and I actually *stopped* swearing. Make of that what you will.

I did instruct my sister and husband to "Shut up!" when they were discussing something during a contraction.

I feel like I mostly whined that I didn't wanna dooooo it. That was transition.

I didn't get very far in reading the responses yet but I had to quote this one...

I too am frequently a swearer and didn't swear during labor/birth. I couldn't handle people talking during the contractions but, not wanting to be mean, said, "Stop talking." (Maybe because my mom was there, we weren't allowed to say "shut up" when we were growing up, we had to say "please refrain from being audible"







)

I became very introverted and focused during labor but also very nice to those around me when I could "surface" to talk. I kept saying during contractions that "it" (the contraction) would be end soon and I could make it through. My husband, wonderful, helpful man that he is, tried to help my saying, "Not much longer now." During a brief break between contractions I told him, as nicely as I could, that he couldn't say that anymore because he meant the entire labor and I could just handle the one contraction. I kind of hurt his feelings because he was trying to help, but of course, he understood.

I did get a little snippy at the end, but only because I didn't want discussions I wanted decisions. At one point my midwife asked me if I wanted to get in my bed (I had knelt on the floor on the way back from the bathroom) and I couldn't decide and kept saying, "I don't know," in a distressed voice. Finally she told me to get in bed and I did.

Then I my midwife was offering to let my mom (former midwife/ob nurse) catch the baby and my mom said she didn't know because we hadn't discussed it (my husband didn't want to) and I said, "I don't care who catches the baby!" because I really didn't. My midwife ended up catching her, which was great, but I wish I could have been coherent enough to allow my mom to.

But, I was fortunate in that I had a homebirth with only people that I really wanted at the birth attending. I love them all and didn't want to be mean!


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## Beeblebrox (Apr 6, 2005)

With DD1 I had her in the hospital with an epidural, but felt everything when I was pushing her out. For some reason the nurse decided to ask me, in the middle of pushing where the call button was. I yelled at her, "I DON'T F%&ING KNOW!" I didn't like her. She also reminded me (read: threatened) that if I didn't get the baby out I'd need a c-section. I had only been pushing for TEN minutes.

With DD2, the most recent birth so pretty fresh in my mind, everyone knew things were getting serious when I rather calmly said to my DH, "shut up Steve". He also tells me I was VERY specific about what music I wanted on. He says that he'd hear me yelling or grumbling about what music was on from the next room while he was trying to get it set up.

I also got angry when after yelling F*****CK during a big ol' contraction I heard someone in the room laugh (my mom and two aunts were there). I told them not to laugh at me! With the next contraction I think I yelled out FUUUUUUDGE.









Another little funny story during the last labor. My midwife's name is Kelley. There was a point during my transition contractions that I kept saying her name over and over again. "Kelly kelley kelley kelley kelley". I guess everyone in the next room kept laughing because it reminded them of that Cheers episode where woody sings the song, "Kelley".


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## DocsNemesis (Dec 10, 2005)

I just get labor tourettes. I curse...a lot...lol


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## In Exile (Jan 12, 2007)

Well, let' see. I just used "the lord's name in vain" a WHOLE lot...I remember a lot of GOD, JESUS and the like. Guess deep down I really am that way...

The meanest part was snapping at my Hubby once to PLEASE HOLD THAT FU**ing leg", he was not expecting me to be that strong, I was in a weird position, not quite on my back, not the side, could not sit or anything.

The funny thing ist- my room was across a "labor room"-and the next night I heard someone do a whole lot of Gods and Jesuses...seems to be a standard,haha.
But then the night after (we stayed for almost a week-DS had issues and wonderful lactation consultant managed to not get me discharged but actually let me stay in the same room across where he was hospitalized-so I could be with him all the time) sombody was REALLY getting mean- I am still laughing at the nurse who just looked up and said matter of factly: "Oh, sounds like somebody is in labor"-just the way she said it was enough to make me laugh.


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## FREEmom1120 (Feb 23, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diapers4fun* 

Is anybody pleasant during their entire labor?

I was. It's actually quite weird because I'm not pleasant under pressure/stress. I guess I did a good job relaxing.









Everyone commented on the fact that I said "thank you" when water was brought to me as I was in transition.







Oh, and I was apologizing for peeing on the delivery bed with every contraction. Also during transition, obviously not thinking totally clearly.


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## Sonnenwende (Sep 9, 2006)

Not that I remember. In the first 2 hours, it was no big deal. In the second, the only thing I really did if I opened my mouth was scream. I don't think I had ever been so angry in my life.


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## 3xx1xyFamily (Nov 25, 2007)

My husband found it to be mean, I honestly don't remember saying it:

"SHUT UP!"

I really just didn't want anyone talking during contractions, it ruined my concentration.









Maybe it was the way it was said, not so much the actual words, but, I still don't remember telling him to shut up, though it's possible....


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## durafemina (Feb 11, 2004)

ohh. ..I was all kinds of mean during the 20 or so hours of labour that were overwhelmingly painful.

Luckily my partner and my midwives were all extremely calm people who let it completely pass at the time.

In early labour, my mother came in (I was birthing at her house but we had agreed that she would come in only during the pushing stage because I am NOT calm with her around) and was clomping around in these red high heeled shoes on the wooden floor, moving boxes around and getting me to fill in some change of address form for something and finally I told her to "just get out!" I feel like I may have also told Dp to "get her out!" but I don't know if I actually said it out loud. She was insulted, but she got over it, and left, thankfully (and ended up missing the whole birth which suited me fine).

Dd was posterior and I needed pressure points on my back pressed every ctx and only Dp's hands could do it properly, so whenever I felt one coming on I would get panicky if he wasn't right there and yell at him to come. I also gave very abrupt orders for water, juice, TENS machine etc. Later on I snapped at him to "STOP EATING!" because the smell of crackers on his breath was making me feel totally ill and I couldn't take that on top of being in so much pain. Poor guy didn't eat for like 18 hours after that.
Oddly enough I also commanded him to "Talk to me!" during some contractions. I'm pretty sure he was scared that whatever he said would invite more of my wrath, but he went into some running-visualization crap that was actually super helpful and I wanted more of it.
Mainly I was just so exhausted that I had no extra energy for being nice about asking for stuff that I *needed* or else I was going to *die*. That's how it felt anyway. I also told Dp repeatedly for hours that I was dying and that he didn't understand, I was *really* dying and did he get what I was saying?!

As for my lovely midwives, I screamed at them to:
-get the BP cuff the f**k away from me
- ditto with the doppler
- get the F**K out of there when they were doing a cervical check and a ctx was about to start
- Don't push the cervical lip back! (they weren't, I just thought they might)
- and lots of just plain swearing (including in German - and I am not German)

And best of all, while I was pushing I yelled *"I'm going to kill you all!*" at the three of them!

They're super cool because afterwards they said they'd love to have me back again









As for beleaguered Dp he commented after the birth when I would ask him for stuff that "it was really nice to be asked nicely!". He had a really bad tooth infection many months later, and, unable to speak, wrote me a note that read:

"sorry that I was offended when you were short with me during labour".

I figure if that's what I needed to do to get dd out, then that's that. There was no 'deciding to be calm or not'. I've been to lots of births as a student mw and no-one has been quite up to my standard, yet . . . .


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## user_name (Jun 8, 2005)

Maybe not saying something mean, but does donkey kicking a nurse count?
And sadly, I fully intended to kick in her face - missed and landed it smack on her shoulder instead. (She was holding my DD's head in despite my screams for her not to & yelling "This is assault!" about three times to my DH who was a complete deer-in-the-headlights, bless his heart.)

I'm hopeful that's not my normal response to stress. I'd say it was more of a Mama Lionness kinda thing...


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Not mean, but not censored either. I had no patience what so ever for anyone asking me to repeat myself or asking me open ended questions.


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

I think I said quite a few means things... I had a big support team, my do, my mum, my little sis and of course the midwife, so I had lots of targets!!
I remember swearing A LOT!!!

The funny part was though right before baby started crowning, I got all soppy, I turned to DP and said something along the lines of
_"OH thank you so much for giving me this baby"_

It was so out-of-character for me that everyone in the room laughed!!

hmmm ... Don't laugh at a woman whos crowning


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## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

After I birthed dear daughter he said "Wow, you said 'sh*t' alot!" and I said "If I hadn't been in so much pain and I'd been thinking clearly I would've been dropping the F bomb!"

Other than that I was waaaaaay too polite, so much that I think it consumed a lot of my mental energy.


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## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

I didn't say anything mean. I didn't really say anything at all, I wanted it to be peaceful the entire time, which it was.


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## luckymamato2 (Jun 3, 2006)

I told my dh to shut up and the room got really quiet. I felt bad and apologized at the end of the contraction. I told my doula, the m/w and nurse that I didn't mean them - they weren't the ones talking. I also said Oh S$#t! while crowning. I think if I hadn't been worried about what the m/w, nurse, and doula would think of me, I would have been dropping the F bomb.

I still had a sense of humor at 8 or 9 cm, trying to get dh to laugh at an inside joke.


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## starshine1001 (Feb 16, 2008)

With my first, hard labor hit right after everyone came back from lunch, and their breath was making me sick to my stomach. I put up with it for a while, then during a particularly hard contraction, I just told them all that their breath was bad and to please not breathe in my face.

With my second, the only thing that bothered me was when a friend of mine (I was so glad she was there, but she just wasn't thinking) tried to "help" while I was having a contraction while waddling back from the bathroom. I was just slow-dancing with DH thru it, then she came up beside me and started rubbing my tummy and telling me I can do it and I'm doing a great job, etc., etc. I had to ask her to please not touch me, I'm having a hard contraction and I need to relax. That's as offensive as I got. Oh, except when I was getting sutured up (both times). Apparently my vagina is resistant to local anesthetic, because my Dr. with my first got kicked, and when my midwife with my second heard me swear for the first time since she's known me! She used a lot of local, but it just wasn't kicking in...I wanted to take a shower and hold my babe, etc., so I told her to just go ahead anyway...I was spewing four-letter words the whole time!


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *user_name* 
Maybe not saying something mean, but does donkey kicking a nurse count?
And sadly, I fully intended to kick in her face - missed and landed it smack on her shoulder instead. (She was holding my DD's head in despite my screams for her not to & yelling "This is assault!" about three times to my DH who was a complete deer-in-the-headlights, bless his heart.)

I'm hopeful that's not my normal response to stress. I'd say it was more of a Mama Lionness kinda thing...









Ha, I'm sorry you missed your intended target!


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

My son's labor was very fast but pretty easy. I kept quiet for the most part.

My daughter's labor was much longer and much more painful. She was crooked so "labor" defines exactly what I was going through







. At one point I was being given orders by both midwives and my husband and I yelled at them to "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Then later during some really intense, painful, and tiring pushing I moaned "Just get this f***ing thing out of me!!"














But then within 5 minutes I had a sweet little girl







.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Redifer* 
My first one I had an epidural, so I was stoned out of my gourd. I just kept saying things like "I'm stoned" and "I can see board games on the ceiling!"

My second one was natural, and I got quite cranky as I was starting to hit transition (AND they took my music away... I NEEDED that metallica!). DH and MIL were both touching and rubbing me, and it was just sensory overload. So I wound up flapping my arms around like a duck on meth, yelling at them to "Stop F-ing touching me! Jesus, why must you both TOUCH me all the F-ing time?! DON'T TALK, DON'T TOUCH ME, JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!!"

Naturally, they both completely understood the situation, no hard feelings









And then there was this major pushing urge, to which I announced quite loudly:
"I feel like I have to take a massive dump all over this table!!!"
That certainly got the room into a flurry of movement! Not quite mean, but crude...

ETA more I thought of after I hit the post button:

When the entire intern staff came in the room.. because, apparently, a shrieking, swearing woman having an all-natural labor was completely foreign and a 'learning experience', I looked up, looked at the ob, and just said, in a totally monotone voice: "Are you F'ing Sh-ing me? You people don't even F-ing ask before having 15 people come in and stare at my crotch?!"

And then when she was stitching me, I told her several times the local hadn't taken effect. I kept wincing, flinching, etc. The nurses grabbed my legs to hold me still, and I flipped. They told me I needed to be still, and it wasn't that bad.
"Isn't that bad?! I am running away from my own A$$ right now! Do you see this?" Then they got irritated, and I got louder "I swear to all that is Holy, if you don't give me more local, I'm going to take that needle and stick it all up in your lady-bits, let's see you be still about it!"

Nurses after weighing DD:
"You had a 10 lb baby?! Vaginally?! With no meds?!"
"Umm, yup, still bleeding from my crotch here, gals. Clue enough for you?"

Yea, I get cranky, and mean. Especially when people just refuse to do what I want them to without me telling them!

Oh my god. You are my hero. My daughter is seriously mad at me for laughing so much.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

My husband says I wasn't mean, but I was definitely short of patience. He also mentions that I was really patient for the first half or so. I was in labor for 49 hours so I figure that if I was patient for 24 hours or so most of that with contractions every 6-8 minutes then I got short of patience I did just fine.









The closest to mean that I remember was asking the midwife's assistance multiple times to stop touching me. I finally told her, "Look. You notice how my husband is across the room looking concerned? That's not cause he's a jerk it's because he knows I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED. Please stop touching me."

She finally got the hint.


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

I thought of one. I had a really annoying red cross person who talked to me during contractions. She was obviously uncomfortable being around a naked, moaning, and laboring woman. So to deal with her own discomfort she asked her questions *louder* Or maybe she was trying to be heard above my moaning. My dh tried to get her to be quiet but I think she had her eyes fixed on her clipboard so she didn't see his frantic gestures to get her to shut up.

To get her to shut up I said "I have to push" I didn't feel an overwhelming urge to push but I felt glee at watching her eyes pop out of her head. The OB checked me and dclared I wasn't dilated enough to push yet. So they let red cross lady grill me more. oh, yay.

I guess that's as mean as I got.


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## trancechylde (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:

- and lots of just plain swearing (including in German - and I am not German)

And best of all, while I was pushing I yelled "I'm going to kill you all!" at the three of them!
Oh my- this just had me spluttering my muesli everywhere. FUNNIEST thing I have read in a long time.
I'm picturing some kind of excorsist scene here.
Your daughter is gorgeous and I LOVE LOVE LOVE her name!

I don't think I was particularly mean- more like pathetic really








I was in a very mainstream hospital on my back the entire time "tethered" to the bed by a miraid of wires and monitors (completely healthy pregnancy and labour by the way- I was just uninformed and bullied) with nurses standing at the end of the bed "tsk-tsk"ing me saying "what, so early and you can't TOLERATE?" (I was at 4cm after 12 hours of contractions 5 mins apart)

I was so overwhelmed, scared and in agony (they wouldn't "let me" get up and walk) all I could manage was writhing around and sobbing and hiccuping and begging for my Husband.







:
Husbands are not allowed to be with labouring women here until the pushing stage.
Needless to say- at some point I started begging for an epidural which led to stalled labour which led to oxygen levels dropping in DS's blood = "emergency" c-section.

I know better now.


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## flowerpot (Dec 8, 2007)

I want to thank everyone of you lovely ladies!!! I am not in any way making light of your pain (I will be joining you in just a few short days if this child ever decides to it’s ready to come out), but your stories had me laughing out loud at 4 am in the morning!


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