# It was meant for my baby......not my niece.



## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

During my first pregnancy, we bought my mother and MIL and little picture frame for Mother's Day. Not really a frame, but a little stand with the wires where you stick pictures.......they have a line at Hallmark of black and white characters with crazy hair. Anyway, it said "Grandma" and had cute text.

So, when I visited this weekend, I saw that little stick on my MIL's desk at work full of pictures of my niece. My mother has no other grandchildren, so hers is empty and waiting. I totally understand that my MIL is grandma to my niece, but it was crushing to see it sitting there without pictures of my baby.







:

I know it's silly to actually think she would be aware of how this made me feel.......it just seems like everybody forgets. Really fast.


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## fallriverfox (Nov 16, 2006)

Oh, I'm sorry. I would have felt just awful too.


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## ~Katrinka~ (Feb 4, 2007)

It's not silly to hope that a close family member could try to be more aware of your feelings. It was insensitive of her to use the picture thingy at all, even more so for using it for pictures of your niece. It's possible she forgot who gave it to her, but that's not going to lessen your pain if you have to keep seeing it. Any chance your dh can bring up the topic and ask her to put it away?


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katrinka~* 
Any chance your dh can bring up the topic and ask her to put it away?


Thankfully, we live 5 hours away, so I noticed it when we visited her at work last week.

We did have "issues" with DH's family after our first loss. They never mentioned it to us after our phone call telling them what happened. So, 2 months later on our first visit, we confronted them in person and they all cried and carried on about how difficult it has been for them. It was weird.........they assumed incorrectly that mentioning it would send me into a fit of rage.







:

So, all that to say, they are CLUELESS about my feelings. It has been hard for me to hear about my niece anyway. Which I feel guilty about, but I guess it's normal. So, seeing her picture "replacing" my baby. NOT GOOD.

FYI: They don't know about our second loss, we decided it's better that way.


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## tammyswanson (Feb 19, 2007)

You could always repay her by sticking a picture of your MIL on the inside lid of your toilet seat at home, laminated of course. I'm bad, I know!


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tammyswanson* 
You could always repay her by sticking a picture of your MIL on the inside lid of your toilet seat at home, laminated of course. I'm bad, I know!

















: DH would die!


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## brackin (Sep 19, 2005)

I'm sorry. That would make me really sad, too.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Oh, that must have been awful.







I'm so sorry, mama.


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

I ma so sorry that your MIL is so insensitive. I would have to say something or ask DH to say something about using that frame. I'll pray for you.

Take care!


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## mrskennedy (Dec 24, 2006)

I understand. I'd be totally hurt to see it too...







Thinking of you!

btw, I like the toilet seat idea! I'd love to do that with a pic of my MIL!


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your losses.







It stinks when people seem to forget after very little time has passed. If I was in the same situation I would probably write a note asking her to please save some room on there for my dc, whether they are around or not. And since it was a gift from you to celebrate the birth of your child, seeing it w/o those pictures brought all the pain of your loss back again. I'm pretty tight with my MIL and feel comfortable telling her about my feelings, but your situation might be different.


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## Meshell (Sep 4, 2007)

I am sorry for your loss. I would've felt my heart sink the minute I saw that picture frame too! Sometimes people just don't think. Last weekend I went out with some friends to dinner (only a week after my miscarriage) and I knew it would be weird as one friend was a month farther along than I would've been. They asked how I was doing and said good and happy that I finally found a pair of my jeans I could button again (as I was having trouble after my laparoscopy). The pregnant friend said "yeah, I am having the same problem too" WTH??? No you are not, shut up and don't talk to me for the rest of the night!! Sometimes people can be too much about themselves to where they don't consider how their actions or words affect others. I hope she is more understanding in the future.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)




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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Meshell: My DH agrees..........he believes that most people are pretty selfish.

One my hopes was that our family would get on the internet and learn a bit about miscarriage. That's what I do if I hear that a family member is dealing with an illness or emotional situation. I have learned about depression, renal failure and ocular migraines.......to support my family.

Maybe I'll buy the exact same picture frame for her again and tell her it's reserved.


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## baileyandmikey (Jan 4, 2005)

(((HUGS))) mama.


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## RainbowEarthFaerie (Oct 11, 2006)

I'm so sorry mama


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