# Screaming 2 year old--how to stop behavior?



## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

Our 2 year old DS has just developed a very irritating habit of screaming. Not because he is mad or wants something (although like most toddlers he will scream at those times, but not excessively). The problem here is that he screams for FUN. VERY loudly. It hurts our ears! It has also become clear that he is doing it to get a reaction. He will scream and run around the room. We will tell him to stop: "Quiet voices inside. We don't scream in the house". etc. Then we try to distract him with a toy, etc. Once in awhile this works. The rest of the time he just escalates the screaming, running and laughing all the while! It is clearly a game to him. So how to keep it from not being such a fun game? We're trying to ignore it but it is so loud and so irritating one of us inevitable breaks and tells him to stop, so there goes the ignoring tactic!

Now, it being wintertime and we're cooped up alot, I make sure to bring him to several playgroups a week and get him out and about. I rotate his toys, pay lots of one-on-one attention, etc. He has lots of opportunities for physical exercise in the house--running, push toys, playing on our bed with supervision, etc. So I feel I am doing all I can to get his energy out in a positive way.

But we do not know what to do when he screams and won't stop. In desperation, DH put him in his crib for a time-out yesterday. We explained that he could NOT scream and so he had to be by himself for a few min. I really didn't like doing this as we have avoided time-outs up until now. But I must admit it helped. He screamed in his crib for the allotted two minutes (actually it was more like 1.5 min.) but he didn't cry. When we went up to get him he was dry-eyed, just a bit pissed, I think. He settled down and then we went about our day.

Do you have any suggestions for handling this? I would prefer to avoid time outs. I also feel like warning him about an impending time out sounds like a threat: "Quiet voices. If you scream, you will have to go to your room. " I hate the sound of that!

It's just such a hard one. Clearly, you cannot physically stop a child from screaming. They have control over their vocal cords. If he were hitting or something I could pick him up and hold him, and prevent him from hitting. But if I pick him up while screaming, he will continue to scream and get louder.

Also, this seems to happen at random times. Mostly when we are at home, though. He does scream sometimes at playgroup, usually when a bunch of them are getting all excited. One kid starts screaming and then they are all like a pack of hyenas







That to me seems more like typical toddler behavior....I attempt to quell it but obviously it is a more appropriate setting when they are playing. I don't encourage it but try to make it clear that screaming indoors bothers people.

So, how to get him to understand that we don't scream indoors like that? And how to extinguish the behavior without being overly punative, punishing, etc.?

Sorry this is so long, and thanks for any ideas!


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

we do the whole "outdoor voice/indoor voice" thing. I tell her she can holler as loud as she wants when she's playing outside, but when we're indoors it's too loud and it hurts my ears. It took a while to sink in, but I was consistent about it, and now she very rarely screams indoors anymore.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

My ds was the same way! I could ignore it pretty well, but dh couldn't. I think ds spent age 2-3 trying to get dh to lose his temper. Unfortunately, dh usually complied. One time my MIL thought if she made a big melodramatic production about how it hurt her ears, ds would stop. I guess she thought he possessed empathy. He spent the rest of her visit shrieking. My mom, with whom we live, could tell when dh got home because that's when the screaming would start up. My only suggestions are ignoring and earplugs. He will get tired of it eventually.

If you do end up continuing the time-outs, or think dh will out of sheer frustration, the crib is not a good spot. You don't want sleep to become associated with punishment. I think a child proofed bedroom is considered to be OK, but not a bathroom or (obviously) a closet. I don't use time outs myself, but read that somewhere. Sometimes we would leave the room when ds would shriek. Of course, he would follow us. Sometimes dh would leave while I held ds to prevent him from following. Good luck!


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I think toddlers just do this. It is part of their exploring....their feeling out of cause ane effect. My thinking is that if you give it little to no effect, it will fade. I'd seriously invest in a pair of foam ear plugs and use them! You can hear spoken words with them in just fine but it will protect you from that hidious noise that it seems only dogs should be able to hear. My dd went through it too. It lasted a few weeks and I totally ignored it.


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## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom*

If you do end up continuing the time-outs, or think dh will out of sheer frustration, the crib is not a good spot. You don't want sleep to become associated with punishment. I think a child proofed bedroom is considered to be OK, but not a bathroom or (obviously) a closet. I don't use time outs myself, but read that somewhere. Sometimes we would leave the room when ds would shriek. Of course, he would follow us. Sometimes dh would leave while I held ds to prevent him from following. Good luck!

I just got DH to agree to no more time outs.







I agree about the crib. Good Lord, a closet or bathroom? Never! Would anyone actually DO that. Wait, don't answer, I don't want to know!

We used ignoring to break the biting habit (which was a little easier because we could walk away from him whereas you can't get away from screaming) but we'll do it with this problem, too!

Thanks to all who responded!


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## teriodonnell (Sep 8, 2004)

We checked out a book from the library called "Quiet and Loud". This was fun, and taught DS about the differences. You can try raising your voice in a funny way when your child screams. Then you can whisper. Usually they will stop, just to hear what you're saying, especially if you make a funny face at the same time.

Good luck.


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## Fairy4tmama (Sep 3, 2003)

My Ds started doing the same thing after our new baby arrived and it drove dh nuts....I think men just have a lower threshold for toddler noise. We ignored it as well and I dont think it lasted longer than a week or two once i got dh to go along with it. When it happened at home dh would go to time out and it didn't take Ares long to figure out he would rather play with daddy than try to get a reaction out of him


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

My DD did this when she was 2. Mostly, I just ignored it. If the behavior continued, I would sometimes ask her to go to a different room until she was done screaming. It hurt our ears, and was extremely irritating. The fact is, it was disrespectful to other family members, and we didn't care to have her around when she was engaging in screaming behavior. But DD knew that she was welcome to come back and be with the rest of the family when she was ready to be respectful of the rest of us.

She eventually grew out of it.


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## sadie_sabot (Dec 17, 2002)

My dd (2 years 4 months) screams. sometimes for fun and reaction, and othertimes when she's frustrated.

We areteaching her to growl when she's frustrated...shegrowls at me a lot!!!

We tell her screaming hurts our ears, but the other thing I do is, when we're outside, I encourage her to scream as loud as possible! I tell her, we're outside, do somescreaming! get it all out! and comment on it, like, "wow, that was really loud1 More!" My thinking is, making it clear that it's ok to scream for fun, OUTSIDE.

We're in the midst of it, though, so I dunno if it's effective. But I enjoy it


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

our DS loves to scream for all sorts of reasons. we do the same things you've all mentioned, talked about inside/outside, loud/soft, ignored, said things like "it's hard for me to understand you when you scream like that can you tell me what you're thinking about? what you want? etc"

the only other thing i can think of is to teach him that it might be fun to scream into a pillow instead. *shrug*


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

DD also went through this phase. It was hard, but DH and I finally made a pact to ignore it, and sure enough after a couple of weeks it stopped. I agree it's just a normal toddler phase, and it should pass if you don't reinforce it with attention.

Good for you for recognizing that time-out was not the solution. Good for your DH for agreeing!


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