# Talking about tight fitting clothing with a pre-teen



## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I have a 5th grade daughter and her first choice for middle schools is one without uniforms. I was pondering that yesterday and realized that I may have to talk with her more frankly about some of her clothing come middle school time next school year.

My DC is really most comfortable in leggings or yoga style pants. I love that comfort is a big factor in why she chooses the clothing that she does but I am concerned that tight fitting leggings with short shirts may not be all that appropriate for a middle school student.

I think I need to tell her why but I'm not even 100% sure of the whys myself, let alone have a good plan for how to talk to her about it. What are your thoughts on this?


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

I have boys, but our talks about appropriate clothing start much earlier than middle school. I'm sure my view will be unpopular on MDC, but I would explain that revealing clothing attracts the wrong kind of attention and shows a lack of self-respect.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *blessedwithboys*
> 
> I'm sure my view will be unpopular on MDC, but I would explain that revealing clothing attracts the wrong kind of attention and shows a lack of self-respect.


Although I may disagree even if this issue were about looking attractive, my DC's motivation for dressing this way is comfort. So, it's as if I'm bringing all this adult world negativity that a big part of me feels a child should not yet have to deal with.









This is a complicated issue for me because a part of me is resentful that I should even have to have this talk with my DC. I mean, she's not objectifying women/girls, yk? She's just a kid.


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## Banana731 (Aug 4, 2006)

Maybe you could suggest long shirts/ dresses for over the leggings? Some yoga pants are not ultra tight, the waist band is really what the style is about. Maybe find some that are less form fitting?

I'm not sure I'd bring it up. You may find that as she matures physically, she may not want to wear very form fitting things. Changing bodies are not always something we want everyone to see kwim?


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

You may find she moves away from these naturally first few weeks into middle school without you saying a thing. They do tend to want to match their peers at that age (even if they haven't cared a lick prior) and leggings/yoga pants aren't currently big in our area at least. Honestly, I'd probably not say anything but take her shopping before school for some alternatives.. comfy jeans, some cute skirts or tunic tops to go with her leggings. Give her a few alternatives going in and see what happens.

If she is starting to look inappropriate in them. If they are not so opaque when she moves around. Go ahead and say something. Otherwise, she may come to that herself in middle school.


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

The school more than likely has a dress code. Maybe talk about that.
They only thing that stood out to me was the short shirt. How short? Every school my kids have attend had a strict no skin at waist.

Leggings, yoga pants, skinny jeans, and jeggings are very popular at my dd middle school. Tightness isnt even on my radar. Too much skin might be, but the dress code takes care of that.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I have my DC follow the dress code and don't buy anything that is too revealing anyways. I think choosing your own style is an important part of getting older and try not to impose limits except when the dress code requires it. We did recently talk about the shallow minded beliefs people have about kids and makeup recently when she brought up how unfair restrictions on makeup are at school and that is about the extent of our discussions.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I'm sure my DC's school will have some minor restrictions on clothing but they have no formal uniform or dress code the way a lot of other public schools do. When we asked about this the response was, "This is an arts school (with a track for fashion)."

When I say DC wears short shirts, I mean they are normal length - they don't cover the butt the way a lot of women/girls wear leggings. I think this is fine on a younger child but a little too revealing on an older pre-teen. JMO.

I appreciate all the thoughts. I think we will not discuss it until it becomes an issue. I we'll school shop and have a dress code for the family. We can frame this around weather appropriateness, comfort, personal style, and we may touch just a little on modesty (not the word I want...but I'm tired).


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

I personally wouldn't say anything either if she's just wearing it for comfort. I'm on mat leave now and my main pants are yoga pants and I'm not doing it for any kind of attention. They're just comfortable and if you wear brand names, you don't look like a bum with them out in public! lol

I would focus more on her behavior and attitude than her clothes.


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## 34me (Oct 2, 2006)

My son goes to a school that is considered pretty "out there" by most in our city. I would wait on buying new clothes until after school starts since what she gravitates toward are not traditional back to school fashion sale items. Let her figure out what everyone else is wearing. It might change her mind and it might not. I have seen everything from short shorts over wripped tights and a blouse to khakis and polo shirts at his school. It's a pretty "whatever floats your boat" kind of school as long as they are covered. My older two on the other hand had a 5 page dress code in middle school but no uniforms.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

It also could be that she just enjoys the sensation of tight clothes. I love wearing tight knit pants and shirts, it feels comforting. I've found that wearing a pair of shorts over my leggings helps me feel more covered and it's certainly in fashion right now. That might be a good compromise.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *34me*
> 
> My son goes to a school that is considered pretty "out there" by most in our city. I would wait on buying new clothes until after school starts since what she gravitates toward are not traditional back to school fashion sale items.


Great point.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lazurii*
> 
> It also could be that she just enjoys the sensation of tight clothes. I love wearing tight knit pants and shirts, it feels comforting.


Same. I never understood why people say that jeans are comfortable. It makes me want to ask if that person has ever tried on a pair of yoga pants.









I'm so glad I asked this question!


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
> 
> Same. I never understood why people say that jeans are comfortable. It makes me want to ask if that person has ever tried on a pair of yoga pants.


Little off topic.... but it depends on the jeans!







I find Urban Star jeans from Costco *SO* comfortable! They're stretchy and fit SO well that I sometimes forget I'm wearing pants! LOL


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## Banana731 (Aug 4, 2006)

I hate them, myself. I wear them a lot, because it's cold for a good part of the year.

When the weather is warm, I wear a lot of fisherman pants. Not revealing at all, and super comfy. Though probably way down on the fashion/cool meter


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

My dd is 11, and she is a fan of leggings/comfy clothing. She doesn't wear leggings with regular-length shirts anymore, but instead wears them with a long sweater (long or short sleeve, depending on the weather). She has always wanted her clothes to feel tight and can't tolerate bagginess. She also can't tolerate shoes that are even slightly too big. She has lots of little quirks like that!


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Doodlebugsmom, my DC is the same way - since she was a toddler. Imagine the challenge of a off-the-charts small peanut of a toddler who was out of diapers by 18 months, wanting to only wear tight clothing. I made friends with the sewing machine quick and can now take a few inches out of a waistline in seconds flat.


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