# hate my new house



## amys35 (Jul 1, 2006)

We moved in August to a neighboring town from a townhouse to a larger single house. This was supposed to be a positive move but I am having a horrible time adjusting. I would do anything to go back. I feel like I made the worst mistake of my life. I miss my neighbors, the community and the schools. Everything feels so different here. I feel like I will never get used to it. I look around and think "I hate this house. I hate this neighborhood." I have no desire to decorate or do more than basic cleaning. Can anyone relate? How common is what I'm feeling? I think I'm just in a major shock, not realizing how I'd react to a big change but I don't think I'm going to feel better anytime soon. Not sure what to do!


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## MJ13 (Jun 10, 2007)

I'm kind of feeling that way but for a totally different reason. But I can relate.

We moved from a brand new house to an older fixer upper. The house we moved to is in a much better location for work and shopping and such but all of my friends and my "nice" house are...well "gone". We did get a great deal but when I look around all I see is the work that needs to be done and it's been pretty depressing for me.

Good Luck! Wish I had some advice - but just wanted you to know you're not alone...


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## Owen'nZoe (Sep 7, 2005)

I completely empathize. We moved from an older house in the city to a new house in the suburbs 4 years ago. We moved a) because my husband was no longer willing to maintain an older house (and I didn't have the desire to take over maintenance), and b) because our son was born, and we weren't comfortable with the local school. It took a long time looking for our house because DH would only go for a brand new ranch, and I wanted a walkable neighborhood. When we finally found our house, we thought it would work for both of us.

I instantly regretted the move. The new house is nice, but it really isn't 'me'. I've decorated it a bit, and that helped. There are things about it that I love (the nice big kitchen and bathrooms, the sunny garden), but I can't say I love the house or would miss it horribly if I moved. I still don't feel completely at home in the neighborhood. Individual neighbors are nice, but there is no real sense of community and it isn't as walkable as I imagined it would be. I've tried volunteering for local groups and getting involved, but I'm still not feeling it. I'm planning to start a neighborhood event this spring, but I'm not sure how open the neighbors will be to it, or whether it will really change anything. We'll see.

What has helped, though, has been having my boys make friends with kids in the neighborhood. They love their friends, love being home, and that makes me feel tied to the place a little bit more. I don't know that I'll ever feel really attached to my house, per se, or would miss it terribly if we moved, but now I can see myself living here through middle school for the boys (one of the big benefits of this house was that the middle school is a block away), and being content.


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## wildmonkeys (Oct 4, 2004)

We just moved to the next town over and though I like the house (or I will once we fix it up) and I have met some very nice neighbors - I am feeling a bit out of place myself.

DH and I were happy to get this house for the space, location, and good schools, but if it hadn't been run into the ground and in needs of LOTS of work we couldn't afford it. Well, now that I am here, I wonder a bit if we belong. We are well educated but our backgrounds are in nonprofits and we just have less money than the neighbors. I posted on frugality about how some neighbors have people come to do work at their houses all day long. People on MDC sort of focused on the individual services and why they might make sense, but my point is that they have enough money to pay people to do EVERYTHING for them. Sure some people might like to get their groceries delivered, or their houses cleaned, or their pets groomed at home, or their yardwork done, or have contractors paint, replace light fixtures, etc. etc. etc. but it seems this crowd can pay people to do ALL of it. I can't help but wonder if we will ever fit in with our hand me downs, goodwill purchases, bean based diet, and need to do EVERYTHING ourselves. Don't mind doing everything ourselves, but I just wanted to let you know that I am also feeling a bit out of sorts because of a good move.

Hang in there - I am sure this will pass with a bit of time and as the pp said as the kids make more and better friends.


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## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

I feel your pain, mama!
We moved from a lovely small town back to the big city, and purchased a hundred year old home that needs tonnes of work and is big and not in my faviurite, walkable neighbourhood. We instantly regretted it (well ... it took about a month.)
What did we do?
Put it back on the market, sold ... and purchased a smaller condo right in the neighbourhood of our dreams!
Not saying that's what I'd suggest you do ... but we're happy with our decision to 'fix' our situation.


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## Noelle C. (Sep 3, 2009)

I've moved a LOT, and every time I do, even if I hated where I was before, I miss it for a while. I'm only now getting used to where we live, even though we moved at the beginning of August. The feeling of knowing no one, nothing about the area, etc., takes a good bit of time to get used to.


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## loree (May 19, 2004)

I'm sorry you feel that way!

But I can totally relate. I've been in my "new" house 2 yrs. I HATE it. I haven't decorated it. I resent the fact it's a money pit and it is shabby and dated. We've poured in tons of money for stuff that it needed & nothing improved the aesthetics! I too just do the basic cleaning.

The only positive it that the location has allowed my son to go to a school that fits his learning style and he loves it!

I hope things get better & you start to like your house!


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## MPsSweetie (Jan 29, 2006)

I felt the same way this time! We lived in our old house for 3.5 years and I didn't realize just how attached I had become. When we moved here in March I had the worst time. It took a good 2 months for me to stop crying every night about it, I just couldn't get comfortable. I think maybe its because I had my ds while we lived there and it was such an amazing time, and seeing him grow out of babyhood there. I told dh we need to have another baby now to make this house seem like home, lol.
I don't really have any suggestions but it seemed like time helped me, I really like it here now. But I do miss our old house, that we still own actually, and I have to make sure not to visit it often!


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

I empathize...I think here, even if we moved to a nicer house I would still miss this one. All four of my children were born here, there are just too many memories. We've been here for over 10 years!


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

I hear you, OP! We've lived in this place for about five years, and I still sometimes miss our old place. But, it's way less than it used to be. I think a couple things helped. First, I really needed some time. It took me a few years to really feel mostly comfortable here. Second, I needed to build some connections with the neighbors. This also takes time! I started hosting a holiday open house for the neighbors that first December, and that helped break the ice. Now we do it every year, and a couple of other neighbors have also hosted events. We also go out and chat with the neighbors sometimes when they're outside.

Another thing that helped me a lot was to go for walks through the neighborhood and force myself to smile and say hi to everyone we saw. This did not come easily to me. I'm not the naturally outgoing person who can just talk to anyone! But doing it helped me get to know my neighbors. Plus in those early days I was pushing a stroller around, and I got to meet some other moms that way. I also forced myself to invite other moms and their kids over for get-togethers, and that ended up helping me feel more at home. Plus, just like for the holiday open house, I had a reason to spiff up my house a bit!


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

Yep!!!!

And after living in a neighborhood I hate for more than 10 years, we will be putting the house up for sale and moving to an apt!!!!!!! I cant wait!









If I were you I would figure out what it is that bugs you. If it isnt the house directly, then decorate it a little, make it happy. Invite some of your friends over and have them explore the new neighborhood with you.

I do think that you should give yourself a time limit though. If you arent happier in a certain amount of time then maybe consider a change. We tried the whole life is what you make it bit, and it didnt help. Long, long story, we stuck ourselves here for a decade because we always put the financial part in the way of being happy with the surroundings, and no one supported us. Well, 60lbs later and some severe depression, we are finally fixing our lives.


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