# Not Sure What To Expect



## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

This has all happened so fast and has been so up and down. I'm not really sure what to expect and I guess I just need to talk about it. Last Wednesday(the 17th) was my first prenatal appointment, I was 9w3d. During the exam the midwife said that everything looked great and that my uterus was measuring perfect for 9weeks. Then she tried to find a heartbeat with the dobbler, but was having a hard time hearing anything over my heartbeat. They keep an ultrasound machine in their office, so she decided to look...she couldn't find a heartbeat. My uterus is tipped back, so it can be difficult to see of hear a heartbeat that early on, so they sent me to imaging to have an internal ultrasound and measure the size. The ultrasound tech. wouldn't let me see the screen and said that she couldn't tell me anything. It was awful just to lay there and have no idea what was going on. There was no visable heartbeat and the fetal pole measured what they thought would be 6 weeks. Blood was drawn to check hcg levels and then it was just waiting 48hrs to test again. Between the first and second test my hcg levels increased, but didn't double, so there still wasn't anything they could tell me. There was a chance that I wasn't as far along as I had thought, but we had to wait to retest hcg levels. That was Friday...I went back on Monday, and had more blood drawn, but had to wait until the next day to get the result...hcg went down, lower than the first test. The midwife wanted me to have another ultrasound, just to see if anything had changed....still no heartbeat. The ultrasound tech wouldn't even let me see the screen, I just wanted to see my baby. Now I'm just waiting again. I have had no cramping, no spotting...just minor back aches. I was told that "most likely" the pregnancy isn't viable and I will miscarry within the next couple weeks...but "most likely" was the best they could say. Just waiting for my body to do something.


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## AugustLia23 (Mar 18, 2004)

I'm so sorry mamma.

Just one question, in your sig it says your DC was born a month ago? and your pregnant again already??


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

Oh, that shoud be 10.25.03. Oops. I'll fix it


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

I've already decided to allow my body to work...unless a complication or infection interferes. I understand that it's a slow process and it can take an average of six weeks to m/c after the demise. I'm not happy with the medical intervention up to this point, I understand that it's a difficult position for a midwife to be in, but it's an even more difficult position for an expectant mother. I'm very upset at not being "allowed" to view my ultrasound and not being informed of what was happening along the way...I know that is not the fault of my midwife, but it was difficult for me. Not one of my blood tests was rushed, I had to wait days for the results and I had to call myself to find out. It seems like someone could have called me to explain what was happening. I was in the position of finding a new midwife when I found out I was pregnant, so I was being cared for by people I had absolutely no relationship with...maybe things would have been different had they known me better. I spoke to a couple different midwives along the way, maybe they assumed that someone else had been explaining things to me. I wasn't really at a point I could be asking important questions. I was given a miscarriage FAQ sheet that leaves a lot of questions unanswered and I've had to do a lot of researching on my own. Part of me is glad to know what is going on before I started to miscarry, but part of me is so mad that I didn't refuse the doppler like I had planned. I was actually looking for another midwife when this all happened, at least I'll know with the next pregnancy to try somewhere else.
Thanks for letting me talk through this.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

just wanted to let you know i am sorry









take extra care of yourself during this difficult time and feel free to talk as much as you feel comfortable, there are many good listenners here

take care

tara


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I am sorry for your loss.

Don't hesitate to ask questions here, that is one of the things this board is for.

There are also some threads regarding different people's experiences. They may help but if you have any questions still please...feel free to ask.


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

I'm still waiting for something to happen. I'd be 12 weeks on Sunday, they think the baby stopped growing around 6 weeks...it seems like something should be happening by now. I know that it's an unpredictable process but 6 weeks seems like a long time. Has anybody here waited longer than 6 weeks to m/c naturally? Should I have my hcg levels checked again? I guess I'm just getting anxious because I haven't been cramping or spotting.


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

First - I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this and that you are not happy w/the care that you received - it can make the worst of situations even worse.

Second - I went in for my forst prenatal at about 10 weeks and found that there was no baby. I didn't miscarry until almost 13 weeks. I figure that the baby stopped developing -if there even was a baby- at 5 or so weeks. So that's 8 weeks.

You will be in my thoughts.







s


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

I'm just so ready for this to be over...I need closure. I'm really determined to allow my body to work on it's own, but so far it hasn't been doing much. I started spotting a little a few days ago, but it's been light and infrequent. I haven't been too crampy, but I have noticed that after cramping I do have more spotting. That seems reassuring that something is working. I was really hoping to have this over before Christmas and I really want to start ttc as soon as possible. I've explored the option of herbs a little bit but I am hesitant to do so alone and I really don't want to go back to the midwife until after this is over. I'll have to go back within 72 hours for Rhogamm and then again 2 weeks later for a physical exam...not looking forward to either of those. I've been a hermit for the past month, afraid that I'll be out somewhere and start bleeding...I realize that I would probably have a little warning and that I'm not just going to start gushing, but I'm still not wanting to be out and about. I'm just getting so tired of being cooped up in my house. My one year old ds has been getting his molars and it's been difficult to cope. I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I'm feeling pretty lonely today...my husband has to work tonight and I'll only get to see him for about 90 min. before he has to leave...my mom is out of town and most of my friends are at least 2 hours away. I do fine most days...I feel strong and together...and then there are days like today where I just can't cope.
I guess I just need reassurance that this will happen on it's own. I've been praying a lot and trying to get to a place where I can let go of this pregnancy and say goodbye to my baby. I've been trying to trust my body. I feel better getting this off my chest...


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

the waiting is really hard







why not go to your midwife and see if she can give you something to speed things up? she can also give you the rhogam now (it is good for 12 weeks and i was given it before i lost my daughter so i didn't have to go back). i was at the same stage as you and really needed it over with, i was getting confused as to what was real (the pregnancy or the loss). can you get out for walks? maybe stay close to home and wear a pad, but that might get things moving as well (and will help with the trapped in the house with teething molars).

you are in my thoughts and i am hoping things happen soon for you

tara


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

thanks tara...i've been trying to calm myself down and take things one at a time. I could get out of the house...tonight is the family christmas party with the inlaws and I've been toying with the idea of making an appearance. I had kind of "decided" that I wasn't going to go...didn't want to be having to tell everyone, didn't want to be a downer. It might be good to get out of the house and have a little support. My hubby has to work, so I'd have to go by myself...but I'd have a little help with the baby and I might be able to relax a little...and I'd be out of the house. We kind of live out in the middle of nowhere and it's a 40 minute drive into town....that's a big reason why I've been housebound. It's hard to go anywhere knowing that it takes 40 minutes to get back to my comfort zone.
I have been confused with what is real...not wanting to say goodbye to a baby that might still be alive. The spotting has been reassurance that this is real and I feel better prepared to let go. I'm trying to take care of myself, drinking lots of water, rrl tea, taking my prenatals, and lots of vit. c. The walking might help...it's been pretty rainy, but I've never had a problem walking in the rain and ds has a stroller with a canopy.
Thank you for the support...it helps so much.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

don't worry about being a downer, people should be worrying/thinking about you during this time, and anyone who doesn't, doesn't deserve your company. i drove myself nuts last year thinking the same thing. i do understand the having a hard time saying goodbye, i had a moment of panic both times after we had induced to set things in motion, even though i knew both babies had died i kept thinking what if we and the ultrasounds were all wrong sigh...
did you go to the party?
it does sound like you are taking good care of yourself and that is very good (and often very hard)

tara


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

I didn't go to the party. I ended up talking on the phone to my sister for almost 4 hours. That helped the day pass...and I was able to finish a couple sewing projects at the same time. My ds was perfectly behaved all day...probably because I started feeling better. I have really noticed that if I'm sad or grumpy it really effects him. It's really helped me try to keep things in perspective and remember that I'm still a mama and I have a baby to love and take care of.
I really want to try to get my house cleaned today and start getting the Christmas decorations up. It's been helpful to have a goal for the day to accomplish...even if I don't do anything else I feel good for having done that one thing.
It helps so much to be able to talk through this...especially with women that have been there. Thank you so much.


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

I miscarried on Tuesday. The cramps and contractions started pretty early on Monday morning and I passed a lot of blood and tissue. I thought that it was over and I even went to the widwife's office to get the Rhogamm shot. I started cramping again on Tuesday and they kept getting worse and I actually miscarried that afternoon. Part of me is so relieved that this is almost over and not to be waiting anymore...but I'm so sad and angry that this has happened. I guess that it's going to be weird to have things "back to normal," kwim? Not pregnant, not waiting to miscarry, not recovering from miscarriage, still waiting to ttc...just normal.
I guess it will take time for body and soul to recover. I've been patient this long...it'd be silly to give it up now.
Thanks for the support mamas.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

i was just wondering how you were this morning.
the feelings/thoughts you just described are the same ones i had, it really is a hard time. i hope you find peace soon

tara


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

I'm feeling okay today. I'm still pretty crampy...I'm probably doing too much. I just can't seem to sit still. I'm going to really try not to do anything today and see if that helps with the crampiness. I'm not feeling as sad today...trying to get back in the swing of normal life. I'm planning on going to church on Sunday...my first time since finding out that the baby had died. I'm a little nervous about seeing everybody and fielding questions. I'm sure it'll be fine...I just really haven't been out and about in big groups of people I know.
Thanks for the support Tara.


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

I'm so sorry to read of your loss. It can be helpful to give a lot to the little one you have during the next days and weeks; lots of craft projects, cooking, going places and just being and enjoying. It can be so difficult to make yourself do it but it helps. Love and healing to you.


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

Will this ever end?! I *finally* miscarried (it's really strange to think of it like that) and was finally feeling like I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I was getting the closure I've been waiting for. I woke up Friday morning in horrible pain and I knew something wasn't right. I called the midwife and she wanted to see me. A physical exam and ultrasound confirmed that I had miscarried and passed all the fetal tissue but my endometrium was about 5 times thicker than it should have been (the interior walls basically touching) and the available space was completely full of clots. My endometrium was too thick to allow my uterus to completely contract, so I couldn't pass the clots on my own. I had to have a partial D&C, they just used the suction to remove some of the clots and blood...it was pretty painful and just awful. They were concerned that I might have developed a minor infection, so the doctor that performed the D&C called in a prescription for an antibiotic to my pharmacy. I went and picked it up...didn't read the label while I was there, got home and discovered that she had prescribed something that isn't safe to take while breastfeeding. I had to call my midwife and have another prescription called in...I was very irritated...I made it clear that I was breastfeeding and needed something that was safe. I was probably more irritated because of the circumstance...but I just kept thinking what could have happened had I not read the label.
So, here it is Sunday...I should be through bleeding, but I'm not. I shouldn't be cramping, but I am. My back is just aching, I'm just plain exhausted, not sure what is "normal" and scared to death that an infection or God-only-knows-what will endanger my future fertility. I'm ready for this to be over...it's been a VERY long month.
Thanks for reading...


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

It is normal after a D&C not to bleed much, or to bleed a bit and then stop, and then a few days later get this really gross gelatinous bleeding, lots of thick clots. Sorry for the graphic details but it can be frightening if you don't know to expect it. It is usually perfectly normal and after that you'll bleed like a light period and then get back to normal. Cramping is very individual and there is a wide range of normal.

The idea that a D&C interferes with future fertility is rather outdated, from the times before abortion was legal and before so many were performed for various medical reasons. Doctors receive so much more training and practice in these now there is really very little to worry about. Even a perforation can heal well and cause no future problems. Many women choose not to take the prophylactic antibiotics with no ill effects, so if you take your course of abx and promptly address any signs of infection you should have nothing to worry about in terms of fertility returning.

I'm sorry you have had such an ordeal and hope you feel better soon. I know you are breastfeeding but this might be a circumstance in which to have a break from your little ones for a day or a night so you can really sleep uninterrupted. (I mean someone else handle nightwaking, for instance, not that you send them on a sleepover) The stress from all this can be so exhausting it is difficult to get back on your feet. So do make it a priority, since on that hinges almost everything else.


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## MamaFern (Dec 13, 2003)




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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

i am so sorry you had to go through a whole ordeal, it is bad enough you lost your sweet baby, but to have all that uncertainty and waiting and still to end up needing a d&c








i really hope everything is physically over for you so you can finally begin the road to healing.
i was nursing after my first loss (DD weaned a week before my second loss) and i found it a great comfort to be able to still nurse her and feel that my body could at least do *something* right.

keep taking care of yourself and i do wish you a peaceful holiday season

tara


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

Thanks so much...I'm starting to feel better physically. I've stopped bleeding and the cramping has pretty much stopped all together...just a little bit tender still. It's been great to be able to come here for support.
tara, I totally agree that nursing has been a great comfort...being able to care for my son has helped me through this ordeal, even when my patience was lacking.
Happy Holidays to all!!


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