# teens and privacy



## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

What to do when your kid makes a new friend, but you never ever see them, never hear them on the phone, never run into them on the street, they never come here, although your kid is over there pretty frequently? Other than put a tracker on my kid or stalk them... I guess I've just got to let it go? It's going to be my sons b day soon, and they are all going over to this persons house. It's funny because we set up a huge area for our son just because we know privacy is an issue at this age and were hoping one day he'd want friends over. All I've got is some basic info, (a name and gender) for all I know this person could be an adult. This is new territory for me, previously we either knew the kids he was hanging around with or we met them eventually.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

I think I would probably ask him for the name and phone number of his friend’s parents if he was planning to attend a party at their house. 


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## easydoesit (May 23, 2005)

Next time he wants to go to the home of the new friend go with him.


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Ahh.. so we are back to stalking LOL, I'm not sure how he'd like it if I came with him unless it was in the guise of an errand...


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## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

Have you been to therapy yet? any luck on that end of things? I think a good family/adolescent counselor can come up with a plan of action.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

mumto1 said:


> Ahh.. so we are back to stalking LOL, I'm not sure how he'd like it if I came with him unless it was in the guise of an errand...


I think there are a variety of ways to approach the situation but I do not think it's unreasonable for you to meet the parents who will be hosting a party he wants to attend. In fact, it could be a requirement for him to attend the party.

However, having read and participated in other threads you have started about your son, I don't suppose it will be that simple. I agree with Zebra that the councellor (yours or his) may have some valuable input.

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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

He's currently meeting someone weekly, which may be helping, but obviously I'm not privy to those conversations, the intention was that he should feel able to talk freely. I have concerns about the new friends also in terms of whether or not they are treating him fairly, being respectful but it could be him not inviting them over here too (for whatever reason he's being cagey about it). And at this age, what can I do? And to add: he has times were he seems more grounded and is making better decisions, it is the mental health person? I don't know. We have had a/the family talk but I feel like we're still circling around and around.


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

I don't know the whole situation (backdrop) but I would require more information about the new friend or disallow this to continue. My kids got used to me wanting to know lots of details and they did put up with me, though not always happily. I totally know it can be awkward to reach out to other parents or to have the kid over, but those limits could be extremely valuable either now or down the road. My hunch is he either feels more comfortable over there (in which case it should be no big deal to have you meet people) or they are doing something that is easier to get away with at the other house (in which case you need to step in and not allow it).


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## ThanushPulsen (Jun 28, 2018)

All children have secrets but you have to know at least names, and addresses of these ones. I suppose that a friendly talk to your child will clarify the situation. Maybe you should invite these new friends to your hose and ask some questions. In any way, be in an entire ignorance is not a good idea.


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## Verinca (Jul 5, 2018)

quite a sensitive issue


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## Bfor (Oct 30, 2018)

I know I am a little late, but just seeing this thread and wanted to give my two cents. 

It is a very sensitive issue, and you want to be careful how you word it/bring it up, but you should push for a little bit more information. At least something that will confirm that it is a person their age, as that would be my biggest concern. If you can confirm that, and do not think this person is a bad influence on your child I would ease up on it a bit, still keep an eye open but do not push to much.


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## Natasha78 (Nov 22, 2018)

mumto1 said:


> All I've got is some basic info, (a name and gender) for all I know this person could be an adult.


Best to find out more info about them to play for safety. My first thought was about a pedo.


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## alejandragraceiglesias (Dec 29, 2018)

mumto1 said:


> What to do when your kid makes a new friend, but you never ever see them, never hear them on the phone, never run into them on the street, they never come here, although your kid is over there pretty frequently? Other than put a tracker on my kid or stalk them... I guess I've just got to let it go? It's going to be my sons b day soon, and they are all going over to this persons house. It's funny because we set up a huge area for our son just because we know privacy is an issue at this age and were hoping one day he'd want friends over. All I've got is some basic info, (a name and gender) for all I know this person could be an adult. This is new territory for me, previously we either knew the kids he was hanging around with or we met them eventually.


dont be a stalker mom that will just drive him away and make him not want to tell you. just let it go for now but maybe drop him off next time so you can atleast see where hes going? teens are almost adults so they want to do stuff at their own. im only 25 so i wasnt a teen very long ago and i can tell u i used to want to go to other peoples houses not my own. and if thats the issue, its normal.


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

alejandragrace...I wonder if you are a Mom yet yourself? Though a young adult perspective can be helpful, often young adults don't have all the information that a mom may have about the child, about the world at large, about risks in a particular community. The answer is not always for a parent to back off and shut up. Sometimes there is a middle ground to keep a young person safe.


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## Honda (Jan 13, 2019)

You should be friends with your child! And trust them


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## CatherinaM (Feb 10, 2019)

You should just ask your kid for more info, ask him to bring his friend over.


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