# How do you politely tell someone they can't hold your baby?



## kweir (Sep 13, 2004)

I recently went to brunch with my father and some of his friends (b/c he wanted to show off his 1'st grandchild) and this women who smelled like she smokes three packs a day and wears a gallon of perfume held my dd. I was uncomfortable with it but she was so excited about having a little baby at the table and I just didn't know how to politely refuse. She didn't do anything unsafe and my dd didn't seem to mind...but when I got home I immediatley changed her b/c the cigarette/perfume combo was nauseating!


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## bookwormmama (Dec 11, 2001)

not sure. there was this really nice grammy lady at the hotel we were staying at 2 weeks ago. she wanted to hold silas, and while i wasn't crazy about the idea, i let her. she also stunk to high heaven of cigs and bad perfume.

maybe say your baby has allergies?









i'm terrible with confrontation, plus the people are usually nice.

how do you say, no thanks, you stink? :LOL


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## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

When my son was a newborn I just said "I'm not ready for people to hold him" and let people think it was my weird emotional issue if they wanted to. Once he was a bit older I would fib and say, "Oh, he cries when strangers hold him." Most people don't want to make a baby cry, although you do get some weirdos who want to prove that all babies love them--you just have to be firm with those folks.


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## oneotamama (Apr 23, 2004)

i've recently started to take my maya wrap w/me everywhere. people don't even ask now!

my mil is one of those though that even when dd cries for me to take her back, she'll walk away to prove babies love her. it never works. dd keeps crying and i eventually have to go snatch her.


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## Parthenia (Dec 12, 2001)

No need to make excuses. They asked, you have a right to say no. If they need a reason, be truthful, and tactful. You don't have to mention people's ciggy stink, but you can say, "she's still very young, and I'm not comfortable with people holding her." Don't worry what people think.

I don't get why people think that infants and children (and pregnant bellies) must be held, kissed, and touched by strangers. Ever heard of personal space??

I have pushy relatives that do this, and I'm so glad they live far away....


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

The sling helps wonders here. Just say the baby is all comfortable in there. Maybe later. You don't have to say anything if later never comes.


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## kweir (Sep 13, 2004)

I guess part of the problem is that I don't see my father very often and these people we were with know that...so while I let my dad hold the baby and she doesn't cry they assume she would be fine with them too...which she is. But my dad doesn't smoke and I really don't know his friends very well. I was firm with the stinky woman about making sure she didn't give my dd something dangerous to play with like the straw that she almost handed over and I just took her back when the food came...I don't know how to avoid people that are sort of pushy...


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## pilesoflaundry (Dec 9, 2003)

In situations like that I tend to let it go







: I would have washed her up/changed her when I got home like you did. But if a someone I don't know at all walked up to me in a store or something I would be able to say no without a second thought. It's friends of family that kinda make me just not say anything. The sling does help a lot though!


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## kweir (Sep 13, 2004)

Oh I agree! A total stranger NO WAY! That's way easier b/c you don't have to feel bad and you can walk away...


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## Kia (Sep 21, 2004)

Hi Kweir,

Like you, I find myself in this situation quite a lot. Luckily, my little 3 month-old daughter only wants to be held by me and she lets people know this. Her shrill screams usually get her back in my arms within seconds









As for the situation you described above, I have a different point of view than previous posters'. I think that you generously allowing the stinky lady to hold your baby probably made that lady's day. It was your good deed of the day. I am not saying you should hand your baby over to just anybody but if baby seemed happy and the lady was ecstatic then...maybe hosing down baby at home is not a high price to pay?? Just my opinion...

FWIW, my husband's aunt almost never washes herself, drinks too much and has these black fingernails and it kills me to let her hold my sweet dd but I see how happy it makes her and it's only for a few seconds and believe it or not but dd even forgets to scream.

Although, I might not have been so laid-back with my first child (dd is my 3rd.)

Good luck to you as you muddle through.

Kia


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## Nabbe (Sep 27, 2004)

I used to go for the "he/she cries when strangers hold him/her" if it was too bad smell or if it was someone i did not want to hold my baby. But usually i dont have an issue with that, but what i had more issues with was wellmeaning other parents who wanted their older kids (even 2 yrs olds) to hold my babies. Then i went nuts. I even almost yelled at one woman, for pushing me to let her 2 yrs old daughter hold my newborn! And i did not even know her, i was in a cafe, and she was in the other table next to me, i seen her before though, but did not even know her name.


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## KKmama (Dec 6, 2001)

I go with the honest answer: "I'm a mama bear, and I have a really hard time letting others hold my baby."


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

I just say,"Sorry,but I don't let anyone hold my baby."

If people get upset-to bad. I never even liked when people(esp. kids) got near my babies.

Best wishes!


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## mamacarla (Jul 25, 2004)

i want my ds to be held as much as possible -- i get to do this all day and all night if i want - dh holds him as much as he can after work -- if in rare moments someone else would like to hold him and he remains ok with it i take a break to shake my arms and stretch my back and know he will be back with me very soon -- sometimes i even get to eat something without rushing!
i haven't encountered smelly or dirty people yet though but i am sure that i can clean ds up - and i always ask people to wash their hands especially now that colds are running around
carla : )


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