# were you promiscuous as a teen?



## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

I hope this conversation is allowed (please keep it clean)! I am wondering if any of you were promiscuous as a teen and now regret it and/or do not want the same for you DC. This is slight spin off of the age limit for dating thread, where it was mentioned that often premature or excessive sexual activity in teens is sought out by the child/ teen to replace the nurturing they are not getting at home.

I know "promiscuous" may sound like a judgemental term, I don't mean it that way, just couldn't think of a better term.


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## fire_in_july (Jun 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meowee*
This is slight spin off of the age limit for dating thread, where it was mentioned that often premature or excessive sexual activity in teens is sought out by the child/ teen to replace the nurturing they are not getting at home.


I was what some would consider as promiscuous as a teen (though compared to many I knew, I was very restrained







)

But it was in no way to replace nurturing I was not getting at HOME. I have a fantastic family (seriously, people with messed-up families are always jealous of mine) who I am very grateful for.

It was to replace nurturing/approval/positive attention that I was not getting from my PEERS. I was the outcast at school, mocked and teased endlessly, too tall for my age, too busty for my age, too "gifted" and intellectual to fit in, socially inept with those my own age.

But older guys LOVED me. (okay, most did not *love* me, but you know what I mean). I was desperate for the approval of peers - meaning people who WEREN'T related to me and didn't "have" to love me and be around me.

I *don't* regret it. But I will always be sad that it was so hard for me to fit in with or be accepted by kids my own age. Of course, it still IS hard for me to fit in with mainstream society - I think you just learn to deal with it better as you get older. And it doesn't hurt that I have a beloved DP now to forge through life with sharing my "misfit" status. I think that's what I was looking for then - someone to share the load with, if that makes sense.


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## mamameg (Feb 10, 2004)

Promiscuous as a teen, regret it.









I definately was seeking approval and love I didnt feel like I was getting at home, especially from my dad. My parents did the best they could and were not abusive in any way, but they are naturally non-emotive people and we did not express love much, follow through on discipline, or talk about conflict or any of that stuff that makes a teen feel like their parents care about what they are doing.

I should also note, there was a lot of alcohol involved with my promiscuity. Again...









NO, I do NOT want that for my daughter. It's one of my biggest fears, actually.


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## fire_in_july (Jun 10, 2005)

I forgot to say - I truly do not care if my teens are sexually active, as long as they are RESPONSIBLE about it in regards to pregnancy, STDs, and lying to people/using them in a way the other person does not want - which is all a pretty hard task for most teens to manage.

What DOES bother me is the thought that any of my children could go through the emotional hell that is being the adolescent outcast - and I don't have any idea of how to prevent that from happening. You can't MAKE other people accept you if they don't want to.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fire_in_july*
It was to replace nurturing/approval/positive attention that I was not getting from my PEERS. I was the outcast at school, mocked and teased endlessly, too tall for my age, too busty for my age, too "gifted" and intellectual to fit in, socially inept with those my own age.









Same here, except for the busty part.

Looking at it now, I do consider it promiscuous. Not by the number of people (which really wasn't that high), but by my lack of emotional involvement with them. My first time (I ended up marrying and divorcing the guy later) was very confusing and painful. Most of the other sexual relationships I had as a teen involved me trying to find what I thought sex "should" be like, if that makes any sense.


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## jcw (Feb 18, 2003)

I totally regret it. I was definitely trying to find some love, as both my parents were emotionally unavailable to put it mildly. I am not against sex before marriage for my daughter, but I do think that it should be done consciously and not with many people. My daughter is not yet old enough to have sex, but I hope that our relationship is strong enough that she will be open with me and talk to me about these things and let me try to help guide her without judging her.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Not promiscuous at all, and kind of regret it, though that wasn't as option. Is that strange?

I started having sex at 17, and that was with my current DP. My only. Sometimes I wish I had experienced other guys though.

I'd rather my son/and future kids not sleep around, but I won't be devastated if he/they have sex as a teen and have a few different partners. Humans are sexual beings and I feel sex is ok for teens that are truly emotionally ready, not just looking for something they've been missing at home. I do think that teens can be having sex for the right reasons too. All I want is for my kids to be safe, always protect themselves.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Do not regret my sexual past at all.


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## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

I was, don't regret it. What I DO wish though, was that I had had someone to talk with about relationships. Some partners were relationships, others were not. Since there was not a healthy model of a good relationship in the home I grew up in, I was a bit blank on how the whole couple thing was supposed to be.

I wouldn't freak if my kids have sex as teens, but I hope they'll have learned how to treat others, whether the relationship is casual or serious or somewhere in between.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Joan*
I was, don't regret it. What I DO wish though, was that I had had someone to talk with about relationships. Some partners were relationships, others were not. Since there was not a healthy model of a good relationship in the home I grew up in, I was a bit blank on how the whole couple thing was supposed to be.

I wouldn't freak if my kids have sex as teens, but I hope they'll have learned how to treat others, whether the relationship is casual or serious or somewhere in between.









I totally agree with all of what Joan said here. It reflects my experience to a T really. I needed someone to discuss relationship stuff with, and outside of a few friends that only gave so-so advice, I had no one. I started having sex just after I turned 13. When I look back I can see that I was very young and totally looking for something that wasn't really there, but I do not regret it.


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## MomBirthmomStepmom (May 14, 2005)

fire_in_july said almost exactly what I would say









Quote:

I was what some would consider as promiscuous as a teen (though compared to many I knew, I was very restrained )

It was to replace nurturing/approval/positive attention that I was not getting from my PEERS. I was the outcast at school, mocked and teased endlessly, too tall for my age, too busty for my age, too "gifted" and intellectual to fit in, socially inept with those my own age.

But older guys LOVED me. (okay, most did not *love* me, but you know what I mean). I was desperate for the approval of peers - meaning people who WEREN'T related to me and didn't "have" to love me and be around me.

I *don't* regret it. But I will always be sad that it was so hard for me to fit in with or be accepted by kids my own age. Of course, it still IS hard for me to fit in with mainstream society - I think you just learn to deal with it better as you get older.
and

Quote:

I forgot to say - I truly do not care if my teens are sexually active, as long as they are RESPONSIBLE about it in regards to pregnancy, STDs, and lying to people/using them in a way the other person does not want - which is all a pretty hard task for most teens to manage.

What DOES bother me is the thought that any of my children could go through the emotional hell that is being the adolescent outcast - and I don't have any idea of how to prevent that from happening. You can't MAKE other people accept you if they don't want to.
I just want my children to be safe and responsible... I did some pretty risky things when I was younger, and I regret being so irresponsible at times, however, not the acts themselves, if that makes sense...

I had a rough childhood, and for me, it probably was to try to replace a loveless and dysfunctional family... I probably was 'looking for a daddy', as I've been told before... *shrugs*


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamameg*
Promiscuous as a teen, regret it.









I definately was seeking approval and love I didnt feel like I was getting at home, especially from my dad. My parents did the best they could and were not abusive in any way, but they are naturally non-emotive people and we did not express love much, follow through on discipline, or talk about conflict or any of that stuff that makes a teen feel like their parents care about what they are doing.

I should also note, there was a lot of alcohol involved with my promiscuity. Again...









NO, I do NOT want that for my daughter. It's one of my biggest fears, actually.









: that was exactly me as well. I don't have a problem with sexually active teens as long as it is responsible.


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

I wasnt really a promiscuous teen but I was very promiscuous as a young adult. I didnt get started until 17 and just before high school graduation.
I dont regret it per se. I was very lucky though.
What I want for my daughter is to be mature enough to handle her sexuality when it happens. In hindsight I think that 17 was a pretty good age.
I would love for her not only to be mature enough to handle the responsiblity, such as not getting pregnant or an std. But I also really want her to be emotionally mature enough to handle it without it being damaging to her spirit.
Joline


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

I think a lot of us have fears about our teens becoming sexually active "too early." whenever there is a thread on teens and preteens about teen sexual activity, it gets lots and lots of views, even if there aren't many responses.

My fears would be for my DC's emotions. When a relationship becomes sexual the risk of emotional damage gets much higher.


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## mamadawg (Jun 23, 2004)

I wasn't. I was sexually active, but not promiscuous.

My best friend, on the other hand, was extremely promiscuous. I kind of lived vicariously through her.

I don't regret anything.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Voted


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## mshollyk (Sep 24, 2002)

i wasn't sexually active at all, barely even fooled around until i was 18, and i don't regret anything. i'm glad that i waited, but i do wish that it hadn't been such a big issue to my parents. they were very open about discussing stuff with me, but it was always with the understanding that sex is ONLY for marriage, so when i finally had sex (outside of marriage, of course), i felt REALLY guilty, and it wasn't safe because i had never thought about protection. i was also VERY naive, which was not a good thing.


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## trmpetplaya (May 30, 2005)

I was definitely NOT promiscuous, but my best friend was. I was sexually active, but do not regret it because it was with my now dh







and we waited till we were both ready and neither of us forced anything on the other









love and peace.


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## jmhammond (Mar 30, 2005)

I was active, and regret it b/c it was also about fitting in for me. I want to ditto that I wished I had someone to talk to about relationships. If we can do anything for our girls, it's give them ourselves, mentors, aunts, friends, pastors, etc. People they can talk to about relationships and get sound advice; as opposed to the advice they are getting from their other inexperienced friends...


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

How do you define "promiscuous"?

I had one boyfriend that I had sex with in high school. Is that promiscuous? Whatever it is, I do regret it.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

I did a LOT of fooling around before I left home, everything short of actual BDing, you know? It was fun, and probably more satisfying than the "real thing." Whatever that is supposed to mean.

Then I left home at 17, and shortly afterwards got involved with a whole string of guys... some were great, others weren't worth scraping my shoe on, but all of them taught me something important about myself and what I REALLY wanted in my life.

I wouldn't trade that experience for a virginal wedding. :LOL

Got married right after my 20th birthday, but I really wasn't ready, and neither was the guy. We were married less than a year.

Married again just before I turned 22, and am still married to him. I had known my husband as a teen, but nothing ever happened between us till I was older.

I don't regret any of it.









edited to add: I wouldn't be upset if my kid or future kids were sexually active as teens. Seems like with puberty hitting at freaking 10 or 11 years old, there's really no evading it forever. I just want them to know that they don't HAVE to have it to be accepted, loved, whatever. I want it to be a free choice.


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## member (Apr 15, 2002)

I had several girlfriends and then my now DH and I got together in late 1997 when I was 19.

The only thing I regret is not being able to be open about me relationship with my first girlfriend b/c we were in high school and v fearful of repurcussions.


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## sunshinegal (May 20, 2004)

I started at 14 thinking that if you can have sex then you should. I looked at it as just what you do when someone paid attention to you or was attracted to you. I guess you could put me in that group of trying to get what you need from your home.
My parents NEVER even mentioned it. Now for my dc, we have already had discussions (just watch the nature channel







) I know they don't have that driving need for approval like I did. I am hoping that they will wait, but I won't freak if they don't. As long as they can at least talk to me about it. If only I had someone to talk to about it back then.
I do regret the way things went for me, but they had to go that way or else I wouldn't be where I am today, which is very happy.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I think there is a general assumption with many parenting issues that if you the parent had an issue with something then your child will too. And as a result we tend to parent in the way we wish our parents had. Which works well for some things like if you were hit as a child, clearly it's a good thing to not do as was done to you. But it doesn't apply to all parts of our lives. Since our kids are individuals. What we wanted, may not be what they need. So I think it's a mistake to assume that ones child will feel the same as their parents on issues.


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## Coffee Mom (Dec 21, 2004)

Well i was sexually active but was only with two partners from 13 - 20, so I dont think I was promiscuous until i was older. And no I dont regret being active during my teen years at all, both were wonderful relationships. I do regret a few things after I hit my 20s but can't dwell on the past


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

Definitely promiscuous, no regrets whatsoever. No analysis of why (okay, I had a strong sexual appetite if I need a reason), great homelife, great friends, I just enjoyed myself


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

I didn't quite know how to answer







: to me promiscuous means GIO with a different person every week or something and I definately wasn't like that...but I was quite sexually active (not just with one long term boyfriend).

I don't regret it, it was a phase I went through trying to find my identity and explore my sexuality- had nothing to do with not getting enough nurturing at home and EVERYTHING to do with my mom saying stuff like "sex is for marriage, don't just give yourself away..." and crap like that. She made it seem like I had to stay "pure" to be a prize for my future husband and made it seem like if women enjoy sex and claim their sexuality that they are whores. I rebelled against that by enjoying my sexuality and embracing it as a totally natural, very pleasurable thing.

I think the late teen and college age years are a great time to explore this part of one's self as you are developing in many other ways as well. I do hope that I can guide my son and any future children to do so in healthy ways (avoiding relationships where they are simply being used for sex or disrespected). I want them to develop a view of sex as a natural, great thing that you share with someone you feel connected to and respect. I will tell them that when you deeply love someone that it takes sex to a totally higher and more pleasurable plane.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

I was 17 when I became sexually active, I was not promiscuous though. I had a few guys and it was no big deal. It had nothing to do with needing attention/love(they were all 1 night stands), it was just for fun and I don't regret it. Kinda wish I had started earlier. A couple of my friends were bordering on slutty. Theirs wasn't for attention either, but it was a competition between themselves on who had the most sexual partners, 1 night stands, guys in a night, etc. They had lists and everything.

There were 44 kids in my grade, 23 of us were girls. 2 were not virgins when we graduated. 13 of the girls would have been considered promiscuous(or more).


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## love2all (Dec 13, 2003)

I do regret it-
I was way to active as a young teen. Trying to replace the love I wasn't getting from my dad.
I hope my kids can have HEALTHY sexual activity when they are ready


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## desertpenguin (Apr 15, 2005)

I lost my virginity at 16, to my then-bf now-dh, who was 17. He was a virgin too.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Where is the option, "Wasn't promiscuous, regret it" option?


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

I voted "was not sexually active as a teen". Although that may have been the wrong option for me as I had intercourse for the first time with my now-DH when I was 18.

But you know what? I REGRET IT. I regret *not* being sexually active. I regret thinking of sex as something I couldn't engage in without bonding myself for life to the person I did it with. I regret thinking of my virginity as some huge prize to be hung onto for as long as possible. I regret being rabidly curious and horny and yet feeling like what I wanted to do was something only "bad" girls did. I regret having my relationships with males tainted by the expectation that they wanted something I was not to give them. I regret being watched like a hawk anytime I was with someone who had a penis -- no closed bedroom doors, no long walks alone, etc.

If I had my adolescence to do over again, I would want to be confident, assertive and sexually knowledgeable enough to choose respectful and compatible young men to experiment with, and have fun, joyful, non-guilty discoveries of sex with them. I regret the opportunity to experience sexual activity without feeling like it would tie me down to one person, one partner, forever.


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## LadyMarmalade (May 22, 2005)

.


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## 3momkmb (Jul 7, 2005)

I was sexually active but not promiscuous. I had sex the first time at barely 15, but it was with the man I am now married too (and have been for 16years). I was lucky enough to meet my soul mate early on









I used to regret not experimenting more, as though I should have had sex with more then one person. I felt like I had missed something. I don't anymore. DH and I have a great relationship and a very rich sex life, what else matters?

I didn't have sex to fit in or to replace lost intimacy or to please my boyfriend, I had it because I wanted it, BAD!







He was willing to wait, I wasn't LOL! I don't regret it at all, however, I do wish is that someone had talked to me about how sexual desire works and how you don't always have to act on it







it was my hormones talking not my good judgement and it could easily have turned out badly.


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## Eaglevoice (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *girlndocs*
I regret thinking of sex as something I couldn't engage in without bonding myself for life to the person I did it with. I regret thinking of my virginity as some huge prize to be hung onto for as long as possible. I regret being rabidly curious and horny and yet feeling like what I wanted to do was something only "bad" girls did. I regret having my relationships with males tainted by the expectation that they wanted something I was not to give them. I regret being watched like a hawk anytime I was with someone who had a penis -- no closed bedroom doors, no long walks alone, etc.

If I had my adolescence to do over again, I would want to be confident, assertive and sexually knowledgeable enough to choose respectful and compatible young men to experiment with, and have fun, joyful, non-guilty discoveries of sex with them. I regret the opportunity to experience sexual activity without feeling like it would tie me down to one person, one partner, forever.

I honestly could not have said this better myself! This is exactly how I felt as an adolescent.


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## FancyPants (Dec 25, 2004)

Je ne regrette rien


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## Silvercrest79 (Jan 20, 2004)

I chose "Not promiscuous, but sexually active as a teen, and regret it." I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. It was only once with then boyfriend. The only other person I've slept with is my DH , starting when I was 19 before we were married.

I regret losing my virginity to someone who turned out to be a real jerk. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time but a few years after I married DH I felt kind of bad that I hadn't lost it to him, especially when he had lost his to me.









May be viewed as silly but that is just how I feel.


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## richella (Nov 30, 2004)

I have no regrets.

Over the years I have come to understand that much of my behavior in my teens and twenties was a reaction to some early experiences of abuse, though if anyone had suggested that at the time I would have hotly denied it. I made my choices with the information I had at hand. I might not do it all the same again, but not like I was out serial murdering people or robbing convenience stores at gunpoint. Everything that I did in the past brought me where I am now, which is exactly where I am supposed to be.

I hope my daughter's childhood will be better, and that she will be better equipped to make more solid choices in her adolescence (and not just fake it, like I did, keeping good grades, never getting in trouble, being wild in secret!).


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna*
I think there is a general assumption with many parenting issues that if you the parent had an issue with something then your child will too. And as a result we tend to parent in the way we wish our parents had. Which works well for some things like if you were hit as a child, clearly it's a good thing to not do as was done to you. But it doesn't apply to all parts of our lives. Since our kids are individuals. What we wanted, may not be what they need. So I think it's a mistake to assume that ones child will feel the same as their parents on issues.

Very good point.

I guess I was promiscuous- I started at 14 and I didn't have many hangups about it. I loved sex.....wish I'd had a little more considering I'm trying to live off the memories now.


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## umbrella (Jul 25, 2002)

I wasn't promiscuous by MY standards, but perhaps by someone else's (my partners were always serious, long-term boyfriends, but there were a few of those over the course of high school).

I was sexually active. I do not regret it.

There was a brief period where I did regret my sexual past in a way, because my dh did not have a similar past, and it was hard for him to accept my experiences. But then we both realized that that was stupid. He got over it, and I stopped feeling bad about something I never should have felt bad about.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamao'two*
How do you define "promiscuous"? I had one boyfriend that I had sex with in high school. Is that promiscuous?

No, I certainly don't think that is promiscuous by most people's standards. I had to really think before voting - as I couldn't quite decide if my teenage past would fall into or above sexually active but not promiscuous. Whichever, I do not regret it at all. Don't know how to quote two different people in one post so will have to put the next one below...


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eightyferrettoes*
I got involved with a whole string of guys... some were great, others weren't, but all of them taught me something important about myself and what I REALLY wanted in my life.

I wouldn't trade that experience for a virginal wedding. :LOL

I don't regret any of it.









edited to add: I wouldn't be upset if my kid or future kids were sexually active as teens.

Ditto, ditto, ditto! Exactly. Some were great choices and some less so but they all taught me something about what I wanted and didn't want in a long term partner. Some were about love, some were about fun - it was all good.

I agree with whomever said that the late high school years (and college years) are a time to have fun, be free, etc. I would be sad and worried for my girls if they saved themselves for marriage. I don't think it is realistic to wait that long, wouldn't want them to miss out on "young love" as there is just nothing like it in the world, and I just really, really believe that everyone has a "slut phase" for lack of a better term... so it can be when you are young and single or it can be when you are 40 and on a business trip out of town, with a spouse and kids at home. I think the late teens is a better time but that is JMO.

My parents were wonderful - but died when I was in junior high. I'm sure my sexual choices could be linked to the whole "looking for love" thing - and maybe that did have an effect. But teenage kids have hormones - perfect family or not. I think as long as you love and trust and respect the person - and he or she you - then it is all good. I plan to have a big box of condoms under their bathroom sink. I was not so much careful as lucky. Some of my friends did not have the same luck.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I hang out with a group of sluts and we passed men around like they were a cigarette we were sharing. All I can say is I had a lot of fun as a teen and don't regret any of it. I always used BC and condoms so I really didn't see the harm in it.


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## Jaydedeyz (Jun 23, 2005)

My opinion may not count for too much here,b/c I'm just 20 now.But I was promiscuous in high school [and junior high too].In my JHS [grades 6-8] it was normal to be sexually active [doesn't say much for my bunch,does it?].I think that's partly b/c of all the hormonally induced foods we consume,it makes us "mature" quicker than normal.It's also got alot to do with the younger kids wanting to fit in with the older kids [our HS was right next door,we shared the same buses].I counted every boyfriend I've ever had sex with.Since I started being sexually active in 6th grade [which is also when puberty hit me like a brick wall;my first bra was a size C]I've been with a total of 7 guys [including my DP].Now,I know for many this is going to sound like I was just hanging on every guy in school,but that's not all the boyfriends I had,JUST the ones I was sexually active with.
And I DO NOT regret any one of them.I learned alot from those experiences; about what I liked and didn't like,how I prefered to be treated as a young woman,what I was looking for in a LP,and occassionaly just for the joy of being a sexual creature.And I am still close [NON-sexual]friends with atleast 4 of those past boyfriends [my LP's met everyone of them].As a matter of fact,most of them were virgins when they met me







:.
Me and my best friend in 6th grade were eachother's first.We made a pact to be there for eachother as friends NO MATTER WHAT.And we still are.He's on duty at the Naval base in Washington state now,but we talk online every night,and he's still here for me when I need him.We dated off and on throughout the years,but decided that we were better as friends than partners,so we made another pact: friends with benefits.And we kept that one too [until I decided to date my LP].He understood that.And I'm not tempted by his open invitation.
For the record: I was pronounced infertile at 13,but still used condoms and oral birth control regardless.EVERYTIME.
BUT,just b/c I experimented sexually with my boyfriends throughout the school years DOES NOT mean I experimented with the many other things the kids were doing also.I've never done drugs [no,not even weed].And my first alcoholic beverage was at my niece's graduation party last June.[I can't even stand my mom smoking cigarettes!]So just b/c I took my "new body" out for some fun new tricks,doesn't mean I"m a careless person,or that I'm irresponsible.And I hope my children are one day as sexually experimental [and careful!]as I was,so they don't miss out on any of it.


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

Now now jaydedeyz, you should know that talking numbers only leads to competition


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I put not promiscuous, but sexually active and do not regret it. I honestly don't understand what you mean by promiscuous because it is a subjective term. Personally, I don't believe in "promiscuous."


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Also, a lot of people forget that teens are sexual beings.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion*
Not promiscuous at all, and kind of regret it, though that wasn't as option. Is that strange?









I can relate to that sometimes! I met dh at 13...and have been with him ever since.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BooBerryParker*







I can relate to that sometimes! I met dh at 13...and have been with him ever since.

Hey it looks like there are at least three people who would have voted "Not promiscuous and regret that"


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

My DH, like several other women posted, was my high school boyfriend and my first (at 17). I am glad that that is the case... We did break up and I was with other guys while I was in college before we got back together and subsquently married. DH and I have discussed the fact that we are both glad that we have been with other people. I dated a lot of guys in high school and it had become kinda a joke with our group of friends that I wouldn't sleep with any of them. We enjoyed ourselves but I felt strongly that I wasn't going to have sex with just anyone. I think my DH got a fair share of congrats from our group of friends when word finally got out that he got what no one else good... I do have a few specific regrets but they were from oppertuntities that I DIDN"T take not ones that I did!


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

i wish i had had more sexual experiences too .


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HerthElde*
Definitely promiscuous, no regrets whatsoever. No analysis of why (okay, I had a strong sexual appetite if I need a reason), great homelife, great friends, I just enjoyed myself










I did have a bad homelife but after my first lover I realized something I really enjoyed sex! And that I could have sex without emotional attachement, you can have sex just for the fun of it. That SEX didn't equal Love and that you don't have to put out to have a good time. I like having sex always have.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

I didn't have sex until college - 18 or 19. I've had a few, some in relationships, some not. No regrets and I don't consider it promiscuous. I guess I was barely still a teen. I was very responsible about sex. I made DH get blood tested before we switched from condoms to diaphragm.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I waited until I thought I was "ready" but I really wasn't- at least not with him, and the relationship (or lack thereof) we had at the time. I fell completely and hopelessly in love with him and he broke my heart- then I was fairly irresponsible in sexual relationships after that. Not physically irresponsible- we always used condoms- but I was behaving in a way that felt morally wrong to me, and I didn't feel good about myself.

I have a very strong sexual appetite, and I thoroughly enjoy sex. However, I am unable to separate out sex and love- I simply can't have sex with somebody and not fall in love. During my "promiscuous" time- I basically had my heart broken after each and every "casual" sexual encounter.

I really wish my first time had been my wedding night. My first marriage just might have survived if I wasn't comparing him to all my previous lovers.

I hope my children are not sexually active until marriage, or, at the very least, adulthood and an emotionally committed relationship.


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## sept04mama (Mar 3, 2004)

I have NO regrets. DH and I were both virgins at marriage. I had a lot of fun as a teen. I dated, and kissed boys, and that CAN be enough. I don't think it's unhealthy to wait until you're married. DH and I have a WONDERFUL marriage, and consider it very cool that sex is something he and I share/have shared with nobody else.


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## gentlestrengths (Feb 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fire_in_july*
I forgot to say - I truly do not care if my teens are sexually active, as long as they are RESPONSIBLE about it in regards to pregnancy, STDs, and lying to people/using them in a way the other person does not want - which is all a pretty hard task for most teens to manage.

What DOES bother me is the thought that any of my children could go through the emotional hell that is being the adolescent outcast - and I don't have any idea of how to prevent that from happening. You can't MAKE other people accept you if they don't want to.









No you can't make people like you. You have to teach them to love themselves and teach them that it doesn't matter what people outside of yoru family think of them - ever.


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## gentlestrengths (Feb 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion*
Not promiscuous at all, and kind of regret it, though that wasn't as option. Is that strange?

I started having sex at 17, and that was with my current DP. My only. Sometimes I wish I had experienced other guys though.

I'd rather my son/and future kids not sleep around, but I won't be devastated if he/they have sex as a teen and have a few different partners. Humans are sexual beings and I feel sex is ok for teens that are truly emotionally ready, not just looking for something they've been missing at home. I do think that teens can be having sex for the right reasons too. All I want is for my kids to be safe, always protect themselves.

In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship. Something committed. Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal. And that is a disaster waiting to happen. Within a marriage relationship, both partners can trust eachother with their deepest most intimate self - and only then. What happens (in my opinion) when they break up is someone else slept with your daughters husband, or your sons wife. Gross. I am devastated that I gave my body to other men before my husband. My body was meant for HIM to enjoy...my body is my husbands, and no one else's.

How do you know how sex with multiple partners will affect your child? Just because multiple partners doesn't affect you - doesn't mean it won't affect your child.

I know people that tell me they can't get their past sexual relationships/behaviors out of their head - that they just creep up on them. In dreams, in thoughts, sometimes in lusts. That is a horrible thing to bring into a marriage. Not to mention that this can cause emotional problems within the marriage.

I was watching Dr. Drews show the other night and there was a man on there who was horrified at his small penis size....but wanted to have sex...but avoided it because he felt too small. You know - if he waited until he was in love with a person, and the person was in love with him, and they committed to each other to be married and with eachother forever and they had never had sex before with anyone else - it wouldn't really matter to her what his penis looked like - big or small - because 1) she wouldn't know any different and 2) because she LOVES him and is committed to him - not because of his penis size, but because she LOVES him.

And what about disease? Are teenagers responsible enough to require their partner to show them a negatives AIDS test result prior to being involved sexually? Usually not.

I have so many reasons why I am against sex before marriage, as you can tell! lol. I am NOT against teenagers getting married. I believe this whole "wait til you're 30" before getting married thing is what creates so much sexual promiscuity. I do think we have to raise our children to choose good spouses. But teaching them that sex outside of marriage is okay teaches them that sex is more important than finding someone to commit to.

I am only 28....so it's not like I'm an old fuddy duddy and am so old and conservative (however I AM very conservative!). I didn't have sex until I was 18 years old. I didn't want to have sex until I was married, but felt pressured into having sex because that is what my friends were doing...and I wasn't raised in a home that was a great reinforcement for my purity-thoughts....so it happened. Doing it once was sort of like a gateway - it's okay to do it once...it's okay to do it again. When really, in the back of my head, I thought it was wrong to do until I was married - because that was the goal I set for myself when I was younger. Anyway...I was just going to say that of all the women that I've known in my life - I've only known ONE that saved herself for someone special. She always told me she wasn't waiting for marriage - but she was waiting for someone special. Well, she waited for someone special, and then she ended up marrying him. If I can't get my chilcren to belive that sex inside of marraige is ideal, I hope that I can somehow raise them to be like that woman.









The other women I've known that have had sex before marriage have had multiple partners and all of them have sexual dysfunction within their marriage relationships now. Whether emotional, or physical. I'm not saying it's ruining their marriage or anything, there are varying degrees. Still, it's there.

JMO! =) Thanks for letting me share.


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## gentlestrengths (Feb 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveChild421*
She made it seem like I had to stay "pure" to be a prize for my future husband and made it seem like if women enjoy sex and claim their sexuality that they are whores.

I totally don't understand this sentiment. Why can't you "enjoy sex and claim [your] sexuality" with your husband?

In my opinion, you are a whore if you are having sex with a bunch of different guys all the time, just because you're 'instincts' tell you you need sex (and I don't mean "you" as YOU - just proverbial of course - I myself was pretty promiscuous from 18-22).

Our bodies' hormones have cycles that make us crave sex so that we will get pregnant. So, your body is tricking you. ;o) Unless you want a bunch of kids from a bunch of different men - I just don't see the point. "Claiming" your sexuality..?? Why can't you claim that with ONE person? What is wrong with that?


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## gentlestrengths (Feb 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *girlndocs*
I voted "was not sexually active as a teen". Although that may have been the wrong option for me as I had intercourse for the first time with my now-DH when I was 18.

But you know what? I REGRET IT. I regret *not* being sexually active. I regret thinking of sex as something I couldn't engage in without bonding myself for life to the person I did it with. I regret thinking of my virginity as some huge prize to be hung onto for as long as possible. I regret being rabidly curious and horny and yet feeling like what I wanted to do was something only "bad" girls did. I regret having my relationships with males tainted by the expectation that they wanted something I was not to give them. I regret being watched like a hawk anytime I was with someone who had a penis -- no closed bedroom doors, no long walks alone, etc.

If I had my adolescence to do over again, I would want to be confident, assertive and sexually knowledgeable enough to choose respectful and compatible young men to experiment with, and have fun, joyful, non-guilty discoveries of sex with them. I regret the opportunity to experience sexual activity without feeling like it would tie me down to one person, one partner, forever.


Thanks for posting your thoughts and feelings. I totally want to make my kids feel "normal" in their sexuality. I want them to know that their hormones are wreaking havoc on themselves, and that they're going to have all sorts of cravings and longings, and that is NORMAL and GOOD. But I also want to teach them self control. I want them to know everything about sex and men and women and sexuality, and know it's fun, and loving, and feels great. But I also want them to restrain themselves.


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## Summertime Mommy (Dec 5, 2003)

I was very promiscuous as a teen. I too think it had to do with the fact that I didn't fit in. I was smart, pretty, had a huge chest, and was friends w/ alot of guys. So all the girls were calling me a slut before I had even considerred sex, and I just kind of decided it didn't matter if I had sex or not since I was already being talked about. I ended up getting pregnant at 16. I can't say I regret it now because I really love my little boy, but I do wish that I would have waited until I was more mature.
I don't think I will mind if my children are sexually active, but I want them to know that I am there for them if they need to talk about anything, and I also want to make sure they are responsible.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
My body was meant for HIM to enjoy...my body is my husbands, and no one else's.

I agree with the general sentiment but the ownership statement? My body is mine. I plan to teach my daughters that whether single or married, their bodies are their own.


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## scoutycat (Oct 12, 2003)

I would have been considered promiscuous by most people, although I didn't think I was at the time. Regret isn't something I tend to feel about my past anymore, but I certainly would not want my daughters going down the same path. I started at 14, and gave birth to my first child a month after I turned 16. I exposed myself to STDs, was often on drugs or alcohol, and was taken advantage of by men twice my age - I was just too naive to know a line and a bad deal if it was candy coated. Somehow, I thought if I gave them what they wanted they would love me more or love me at all. Things were pretty rocky at home, and I didn't feel the love there, and the quickest way to popular girl at school seemed to be flirting and generally getting into situations that were hard to get out of, sometimes ending in date rape, sometimes just going along with stuff that I didn't really want because I didn't know how to say no.

The worst of it all of it is how jaded I became, and how little I respected my body and my own sexuality. Later, I had plenty of casual sex that I didn't regret , but often it was about as special or intimate as a hug between friends. Sex became something physical instead of mental & emotional, and although it was pleasurable (often very), it was just a quick fix kind of sex instead of the quality connected 'making love' kind of sex that is the really good stuff. I still struggle to make that connection today, even though I've been with dh for nearly 10 yrs. Hopefully my kids can find a softer path.


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship.

Your opinion is unsupported by fact.

Quote:

Girls want to have sex to please boys
Ick? Haven't you seen the women here who say they wanted to have sex because they were ready to and they enjoyed it? Granted, we live in a misogynistic culture, so there is pressure on girls to conform to the desires of males, but this is not an intrinsic quality, nor is it universal by any means.

Now that you are married, do you only have sex to please your husband? I hope not. Maybe, like so many other women -- including unmarried and teenage women -- you pursue sex because you want it, because you enjoy it, because it makes you a happier and healthier person.

Quote:

What happens (in my opinion) when they break up is someone else slept with your daughters husband, or your sons wife. Gross.
'Cause marriages never break up.

Quote:

I am devastated that I gave my body to other men
Now _that_ is gross. Enjoying my body through sex, no matter who it's with, is not giving it away, nor does it yield any of my rights, nor does it imply ownership by anyone but me.

Quote:

Why can't you "enjoy sex and claim [your] sexuality" with your husband?
Some women don't want to commit to a lifetime with the person they may want to have sex with. Some women don't want to be married, period. Some people don't subscribe to your belief system. And last but not least, some women will never have a husband because they are lesbians. Are all these women to be permanently chaste? Evidently, according to you.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
Our bodies' hormones have cycles that make us crave sex so that we will get pregnant.

Actually, if this were true, women would only crave sex when we are ovulating, and men would only crave sex when they sensed the pheromones of an ovulating woman. Primates are unique in pursuing sex for pleasure -- but many primates do it, so it is not abnormal. (Oh, and dolphins. I fogot about dolphins.)

Quote:

I also want to teach them self control.
Being sexually active *is* having self-control. It's having control over your self, and your body, and how you fulfil your own desires and with whom.

Quote:

I want them to know everything about sex and men and women and sexuality
Great! Then you will need to teach them that there are many, many people who have sex before/outside of marriage, and love it, and are perfectly happy with themselves, and would not change a thing


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *girlndocs*
(Oh, and dolphins. I fogot about dolphins.)









How could you forget about the dolphins? :LOL


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I forgot I had posted in this thread! Tiredx2 and BooBerryParker, I'm glad I'm not the only one









Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship. Something committed. Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal.

I totally disagree. All people are different and everyone has their own reason for being sexually active. I have never done anything in my life to please ANYONE. That is probably the last reason I had sex with DP. I have sex to please MYSELF









Quote:

I am devastated that I gave my body to other men before my husband.
I am truly sorry you feel that way, what a burden that must be.









Quote:

My body was meant for HIM to enjoy...my body is my husbands, and no one else's.








: Really? My body is mine and for me to enjoy. And anyone else who is lucky enough to enjoy it with me.









Quote:

And what about disease? Are teenagers responsible enough to require their partner to show them a negatives AIDS test result prior to being involved sexually? Usually not.
Some are, some aren't. I was.

That's about all I have to say. I am not really willing to get into a debate on whether or not sex before marriage is ok. In my book it is fine, if you are ready. And only YOU can know for sure if you are ready. We're all different, and that's cool. I just only hope that my kids will be able to make responsible decisions based on honest information not just my personal opinions) and be ok with whatever they choose!


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## fire_in_july (Jun 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship. Something committed. Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal.

Whoa. I find so many things wrong with these statements. We are obviously at completely different mindsets here. I will just say I guess that *sometimes* I have had sex to please boys/men and *sometimes* I have had sex because *I* am hormonal and wanting it wayyyyyy more than the guy in question at the time! You can't just divide it by gender lines there, sorry.

Quote:

I am devastated that I gave my body to other men before my husband. My body was meant for HIM to enjoy...my body is my husbands, and no one else's.
I'm very, very sorry you feel that way. I am not being sarcastic - it must be awful to have such remorse. However, not everyone feels that their body needs to belong ONLY to their spouse, yesterday, now, and forever. Heck, I guess I don't see my body as "belonging" to anyone but myself at all. And I for one am VERY happy that both DP and myself have had other partners. So is he. We feel it brings depth of experience to our relationship. I am not saying you are wrong for feeling the way you feel - just please realize that is not the "right" feeling for everyone.

Quote:

How do you know how sex with multiple partners will affect your child? Just because multiple partners doesn't affect you - doesn't mean it won't affect your child.
I don't know that it won't affect my child. Then again, I also don't know that having NO partners other than their spouse won't affect my child. Many people are negatively affected by THAT - I believe some of them have posted on this thread. Either way, there's a possibility of regret or negative results.

Quote:

I know people that tell me they can't get their past sexual relationships/behaviors out of their head - that they just creep up on them. In dreams, in thoughts, sometimes in lusts. That is a horrible thing to bring into a marriage. Not to mention that this can cause emotional problems within the marriage.
I know that I can't get my past sexual relationships out of my head - and I *wouldn't want to.* They are part of my memories, part of my life, part of who I am. Yes, I have dreams and thoughts of past partners sometimes. So does DP. We find this normal and fine. We share them with each other. Sometimes it's amusing. Sometimes it turns us on - imagine that! Sometimes it just gives us deeper insight into the other person. I don't find it a horrible thing to bring to a marriage at all. Nor has it caused us emotional problems. Please don't speak for everyone that way. For *some* people it might cause problems sure. For others it might be a *benefit.*

Quote:

The other women I've known that have had sex before marriage have had multiple partners and all of them have sexual dysfunction within their marriage relationships now. Whether emotional, or physical. I'm not saying it's ruining their marriage or anything, there are varying degrees. Still, it's there.
Well, I can vouch that I don't have sexual dysfunction in my relationship.







And I have known people for whom never having been with anyone else caused sexual dysfunction in their relationship. Again, you can't say the outcome of one choice or another is going to be the same for everyone.


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## Mamabeakley (Jul 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *girlndocs*
Actually, if this were true, women would only crave sex when we are ovulating, and men would only crave sex when they sensed the pheromones of an ovulating woman. Primates are unique in pursuing sex for pleasure -- but many primates do it, so it is not abnormal. (Oh, and dolphins. I fogot about dolphins.)

While I'm definitely on the sex-is-good end of the spectrum philosophically (and of course enjoy it personally) I have to point out that everyone is different and SOME women basically do only "crave" sex when ovulating. Like me, for example. Sex at other times of the month and while pg & non-ovulating yet bf is nice, but for me not a true neccesity of life.

And a single instance of rape is some # of times more likely to result in pg than a single instance of consensual sex







which I have to think has something to do with men having a (non-conscious) ability to detect an ovulating woman's pheremones and a biological imperative (again, non-conscious - I'm trying hard NOT to imply that rapists have any justification for their actions, which they don't) to reproduce.

Um. That's all kinda beside the original poster's point, though.

I chose not sexually active as a teen, though technically I suppose I was 19 when then-bf, now dh & I began our sexual relationship (we met when I was 13). I certainly had my chances to be with other people earlier. I don't regret not doing it, annd though of course things could always change, I really doubt I'm headed for a 40-something bout of promiscuity either! It's just not my style.

I think there were some good reasons I didn't bring sex into those friendships, and some less noble ones. The way I have always put it is, why have a relationship if you know it's not going to be permanent? My idea of a friend I haven't known very long is someone I met 10 years ago. This comes straight out of my pain at losing my family (as I as a child felt it *should* be) when my parents permanently separated when I was 8. This I see as less noble b/c it's not logical. More noble is the fact that *I* wasn't ready to separate sex and love as a teen and I knew that and chose not to confuse my friendships with my sexuality. As an adult *I* have the emotional clarity to allow sex to be sometimes about love and sometimes about lust which makes for good flexibility and variety - *within* my monogamous relationship w/DH.

I don't think there's anything wrong with people who do things differently than me, though. I know that there are many ways to be responsibly sexual. I respect my own choices, I chose a partner who thinks and feels similarly to how I do on the topic, and I respect the rights of others to make their own choices an it harm none.


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## umbrella (Jul 25, 2002)

Quote:

Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal.
Did I just read this right?

The female body is incapable of sexual desire? Girls and women do not get aroused? We do not actually want sex? Girls and women don't masturbate?

You ONLY have sex to please your husband?


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship. Something committed. Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal.

I am bothered by the statement that girls only have sex to please
boys. I was a very sexual child (yeah I said child, not teen) , and
no nothing bad happened to me, I was never taken advantage of
as a child. This was what was inside of me. I didn't know that this
wasn't the normal for most children until I was older and talked with
friends.
When I decided to have sex as a teen I wasn't just ready, I had been
waiting for boys my age to catch up. I knew what I liked, I knew what
felt good, from experiencing sexuality with myself for YEARS.
I guess by societies standards I was promiscuous as a teen. I had
two relationships (the second lasting 4 years) and two one night stands.
I also liked to kiss A LOT and didn't have sex with everybody I dated,
but there were those who yeah I wanted to sleep with, and so I did.

I talked to my girlfriends who were having sex, and didn't like to. I
wondered why they would if they didn't feel ready. I felt really bad
for them. I didn't understand.
I also tried to help one friend who was having sex, liked being with
her boyfriend, but wasn't having orgasms. I remember drawing
pictures, and telling her to go home, practice, cause you can't expect
a boy to know what will feel good if you don't. Worked out really well
for her.
I learned so much about myself from all my experiences. I don't regret
anything. Because *I* made up my mind what I did with my body.
I didn't do anything I wasn't ready for, or that I felt pressured to do.

What I wish for my dd in the future is that she knows herself. She feels
confident to say "Hey, stop that" if she doesn't want to do anything. Not
just sexually, but in all aspects of her life. I want her to know her boundaries
and what she is comfortable with doing, and not doing. I want her to own
herself. Respect her body. Plus I do want her to know that her body is
something not everybody is deserving of, and I hope she can make good
healthy choices about who to share it with, while being safe.
She already knows this as a preschooler. I have taught her that her
body is her body. Her teacher at dance class got a real kick when a
boy kept tackling dd. He thought it was funny, and dd responded "This
is my body, this is my space, if you can't respect that, I will have to
tell my Mommy".


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

I really, really hate the word "promiscuous" in this context. It means haphazard, indiscriminate, heterogenous. Like, a promiscuous assembly is an "odd" assortment of people, from all classes/groups/etc. Or a automatic weapon fires _promiscuously_.

By implication it can be applied to the more-than-one-partner idea.

But, although I was very sexually active for a large part of my teens, I would not say I was promiscuous. I was _very_ particular about whom I made the moves on, or who's invitations I accepted.







They had to fit a rather narrow set of criteria. OTOH, life is short, and I had other things to do than just think about sex and so, I found that I had all my very rare spare time filled with those who fit the list. And there were enough of them that there are a few whose faces I can see clearly, but I haven't the foggiest as to their names.









Regrets? Only about those who were clumsy.

Few "relationships". I was completely uninterested in relationships. I liked athletics, however.


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

I posted above _before_ reading all the posts and have just read gentlestrength's post.

Regarding

Quote:

In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship. Something committed. Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal.
I want to ask the following:

What exactly frightens people about female _uncommitted_ sexuality?

And why is male uncommitted sexuality acceptable?

And, btw, I was _certainly_ "emotionally ready" for sex. Why? 'Cause I didn't have emotions tied up in it.

Frightening, eh? You don't like that? Think I'm unwomanly, or some other such thing?

C'mon. Let's hear it.

And my lack of emotionality during the period of uncommitted sex in no way affected my love for my friends, current partner, or son.

Sorry, bub. Yer wrong.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
I was watching Dr. Drews show the other night and there was a man on there who was horrified at his small penis size....but wanted to have sex...but avoided it because he felt too small. You know - if he waited until he was in love with a person, and the person was in love with him, and they committed to each other to be married and with eachother forever and they had never had sex before with anyone else - it wouldn't really matter to her what his penis looked like - big or small - because 1) she wouldn't know any different and 2) because she LOVES him and is committed to him - not because of his penis size, but because she LOVES him.

Or he could have met me. I chose my first sexual partner because he was rather small. I had seen enough to know by that point. I didn't tell him that's why we did it, but he did know it was my first. No regrets.


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## Krystal323 (May 14, 2004)

Good readin'









I am really surprised at how many ppl are comfortable with their sexuality--I feel like I need some serious therapy after hearing about all of you enjoying sex and wanting sex







: I grew up in a home where ANYthing remotely sexual was totally frowned upon. My parents had me, the only, in their mid-40's, and later I found that my mom suffered a gang rape at age 9. She grew up as a devout Catholic and wasn't even allowed to talk about the rape to anyone--it was treated as if it was her fault uke So, as I was growing up, sex/sexual feelings were treated as something dirty and horrible and only to be used for procreation inside a lifelong marriage. (you know, after typing all that I bet I do need therapy)









I was the social misfit teen who didn't know how else to get guys to like me except by leading them on. My first was at 16 and I'm happily married to him now,







but there were plenty of "close calls" in between then and now, one of which ended up as a several-months long series of, well, I guess you'd call them date rapes. I couldn't stand the guy but had zero capability to stick up for myself adn tell him "NO!" To this day he probably thinks it was consentual--bleah.









I unfortunately have a LOT of hangups abbout sex, but I don't want to pass any of that onto my kids either. It would be lovely and amazing to be able to say "no regrets"


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## hslingmomof4 (Jun 4, 2003)

I think I was promiscious as a teen for a short period of time. I was sexually active mostly with older men. I was a stupid teen that thought, hey they are more mature than my teen guy friends. AAAANNNN! Wrong! My first was with a teacher who was twice as old as I was. He approached me and frankly I wasn't attracted to him. I was flattered that by an older man was approaching me (stalking a bit). I thought I was in love. Little did I know he was engaged with someone his age for 8/9 years (she broke it off later). So, I was just a toy to him. I remember the days of fantasizing about marriage. Thinking about him still hurts. It's something that I haven't gotten over. I don't know why I hold on to my pain like it means something. I hate him. I wish I was like some here that didn't regret the past. I hate having those feelings and allowing him to take advantage of me.

After he called it off, he jetted to Florida trying to escape what he did (IMO). It was consentual but manipulated. IMO, I'm glad I didn't marry him. He is pathetic and I know more about his loser life now than I did before.

Anyhow, I'd dated older men cos I thought they would resemble RD (teacher) and of course I thought they were more mature. I don't blame them cos I was 17 and not 15 when I was with the "Teacher".


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## gentlestrengths (Feb 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *umbrella*
Did I just read this right?

The female body is incapable of sexual desire? Girls and women do not get aroused? We do not actually want sex? Girls and women don't masturbate?

You ONLY have sex to please your husband?

LOL. I haven't logged in in a few days. I am still reading responses. I liked this one best so far though and had to respond.

I was being very general, of course (well, not "of course" - since everyone commented on this, obviously!). I mean, of course women, girls...have sexual desires...of course. I think that goes without saying. However, most young girls have a drive to please boys - to bait them. Really, none of you can admit to this? I find that hard to believe. I am only 28. High school wasn't too long ago and I remember clearly how it went. I'll answer all the other horrified responses soon.


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## Leatherette (Mar 4, 2003)

Both of my parents were alcoholics while I was growing up. I had very little attention and warmth from them, and very little supervision, especially at night. I was sexually active at 15, and basically had a few long term boyfriends that I was active with until college.

As a result of finding out that I was sexually active, my mother became verbally abusive, calling me a slut, skanky, nice things like that, and asking me if I was going to be "f***ing" every time I went anywhere. What had been an avenue for love and closeness for me (and I still have fond feelings for those first high school boyfriends) was turned into an avenue for shame and self-hatred.

In college I was a little more reckless. I wouldn't say I regret it, as I was able to dodge STD's, learn a lot about myself, had some fun, and learn what I wanted in a partner. I had no positive modeling from my parents or other adults in my life, and I think I needed to learn this way.

I am very happy with my husband, who was one of my high school boyfriends







, and I have no regrets about my past, and no regrets that I hope to be with my partner for the rest of my life.

L.


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## nykn1205 (Feb 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
I am only 28. High school wasn't too long ago and I remember clearly how it went. I'll answer all the other horrified responses soon.










Trust me mama, high school was a much shorter time ago for me than it was for you, and I certainly don't remember ANYONE that I knew having sex to please boys. I went to great lengths to make sure boys pleased me! I loved sex...no regrets.

Oh, and about the whole aids test thing, before any partner and I would have unprotected sex, we would go together to PP and get a full screen for STD's and HIV. It made sex that much better knowing I was safe.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
LOL. I haven't logged in in a few days. I am still reading responses. I liked this one best so far though and had to respond.

I was being very general, of course (well, not "of course" - since everyone commented on this, obviously!). I mean, of course women, girls...have sexual desires...of course. I think that goes without saying. However, most young girls have a drive to please boys - to bait them. Really, none of you can admit to this? I find that hard to believe. I am only 28. High school wasn't too long ago and I remember clearly how it went. I'll answer all the other horrified responses soon.










I'm only 25, and that is not my experience at all. In fact, my first sexual experience was with my best friend because I wanted to have sex and not deal with a relationship. It was fantastic and he is still a close friend of mine. I can say without a doubt that I did not have sex to please any boys and neither did my friends. I highly doubt that we are the exception.


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

I was, and I regret it.

But there are SO many issues why I did it to begin with. I was WAY WAY to young (12) but I thought I was so much in love with this boy (14 or 15) and I had wanted him to notice me. So when he did, it was like I would have done anything to please him..and I did. Well...you can imagine how that whole debacle turned out and I was just devastated of course because he cared not a wit about me and after the first time he kept coming back for more. No matter how much this guy hurt me or what he said about me, and talk he did, I just could never tell him "No." I mean this went on for years and years...like up until the time I was 15 or 16. I just could never cut him loose or tell him no when ever he came around. Finally he just stopped coming around all together....It took me FOREVER to get over him. BTW...this is tooo bizare. I've never told anyone about the true nature of this relationship, this is the first time I've ever talked about this OR gone in to detail about it.

On the other side of the coin is the fact that I absolutely LOVE men. I always have. I love the way they smell, the way they walk, the way they look in a good pair of jeans. There is nothing about men that I DON'T love. Living near a naval base, an airforce and an army base was like being in a candy shop for me. A man in uniform still floors me everytime. I have always loved men. So there is that and it didn't help being a hormonal teenage girl who's sex-drive was in perpetual overdrive.

I don't know....I want very much to teach my daughters the value of virginity. I think it is the most special thing you can give to the one that you love...and it shouldn't be thrown away lightly. If I could take back mine...I would in a heart-beat. I wish I'd never, never even laid eyes on that guy. It was such a slippery slope on a downward path. I married my husband (a military man,







BTW) when I was 18...we've been together for 16 years. I love him SO much and I wish I would have saved that special part of me to give to him.


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## Krystal323 (May 14, 2004)

Oh, I don't know...I'm 24, and when I was in highschool I knew several girls in my circle of friends that were just baiting the boys and not knowing how/when to say NO. But I think they were all a lot like me--girls who grew up in fanatical-religious homes with "sin-induced" shame for even thinking about boys....







One of them, we used to joke with her that her motto was "what was I thinking??!" usually spoken the next day! Another friend of mine was very, ah, active and most of the time enjoyed it with "kid in a candy shop" zeal. But I also saw her deal with date rape, and miscarriages, and I think it's fair to say she had her own share of regrets.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momo7*
I was, and I regret it.

But there are SO many issues why I did it to begin with. I was WAY WAY to young (12) ... Finally he just stopped coming around all together....It took me FOREVER to get over him. BTW...this is tooo bizare. I've never told anyone about the true nature of this relationship, this is the first time I've ever talked about this OR gone in to detail about it.

I was in a similar situation but it was abusive/ non consensual. This sounds like an abusive relationship, esp. given the age difference.


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## athomept (Jul 29, 2005)

Hi All,

I was not sexually active as a teen, in fact things did not get started for me until college. I don't have girls, but I remember many friends growing up who were very active. I grew up iin a family that gave plenty of love, some what strict but not to bad. All in all I would not change anything.









Michelle


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

No, I was never promiscuous as a teenager, nor at any other time in my life.

I do not regret it.

I waited until I was married. Then I became sexually active.

I highly resent it when I go to a doctor and I am treated as though I have been promiscuous and I am subjected to every test.


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meowee*
I was in a similar situation but it was abusive/ non consensual. This sounds like an abusive relationship, esp. given the age difference.

















I'm so sorry about that for you. What a terrible experiance.









I'm not sure if I'd classify that relationship I had as abusive...I mean I was certainly abusive to myself...but he didn't do anything that I didn't let him do...I could have said no, I could have kicked him out of the house, I could have told my parents but I never did anything to tell him I didn't want it....I was definitely talked into it but he didn't rape me...I just never said "I really don't want to do this."

Geez now it sounds like I'm protecting him...which I am TOTALLY NOT doing...I wish I had more about me at the time to know the guy was just using me. The worst part about it all is what it did to my self-esteem and the path of self-destruction it set me on.


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## threeforme2005 (Sep 12, 2004)

Yep I was pretty promiscuous as a teen but only for a short time. I lost my virginity to my BF when I was 15...had some fun while dating him if you know what I mean and then had a child when I was 17. While I will say I don't regret those years I do wish I could have made wiser choices


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I was not active. I didn't even have my first kiss until after I was 18


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## partymoo (Jul 13, 2005)

.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I wasn't promiscuous. I took the first boyfriend that came my way (finally) and had sex with him very quickly. We were together for a couple of years and I never really liked him. I liked that I had a boyfriend. I regret it because I was so eager to have a boyfriend, I never thought about whether I enjoyed being with him.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
However, most young girls have a drive to please boys - to bait them. Really, none of you can admit to this? I find that hard to believe. I am only 28. High school wasn't too long ago and I remember clearly how it went.

I'm 24 and nope, never "baited" boys.
What does that even really mean? Aren't women sexually autonomous beings, too?

When I got around to having sex for the first time, it was to satisfy my own sexual urges and curiosity, not to impress that cute guy with the blond crew cut. :LOL

My life as a teen was more about practicing the clarinet than chasing boys, but that didn't mean I was a celibate saint!


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## mamawanabe (Nov 12, 2002)

Vermillion said:


> Not promiscuous at all, and kind of regret it, though that wasn't as option. Is that strange?
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## BabyBumblebee (Mar 16, 2005)

Voted sexually active and regret it. Was molested repeatedly by a teacher from the age of 11 to 13.....then got involved with (much) older men 'cos I though they loved me.....yeah right







:

And for me it absolutely was a case of trying to feel loved and wanted. I had been sent away to school, was bullied and generally had zero self esteem. I wish that I had been able to take control of my sexuality in a way that would have let me feel comfortable and confident, instead of ashamed and dirty.


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## tweetyznan (Aug 10, 2005)

I was not sexually active as a teen.








I also hope my dd will be the same!


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

elcome tweetyznan! and









ITA with what you have said!


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## pfamilygal (Feb 28, 2005)

Nope. I waited until marriage. So did dh. And I've never regretted it.


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## sevenkids (Dec 16, 2002)

I started having sex when I was 15. I couldn't wait to have sex!
I had my first 2 kids with him. I can't say I regret it, because I have my 2 lovely adult children, but I wish it wasn't him because he turned out to be such a dickwad. but he was my one and only for the time he was my one and only.
My next partner was when I was 19, and stayed with him for 11 years. then a very brief fling before I met dh, then dh.

I also regret not having had more lovers when I was younger.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pfamilygal*
Nope. I waited until marriage. So did dh. And I've never regretted it.

Me too. ITA! Good luck with your plans for a VBAC!


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## jaclyn7 (Jun 9, 2005)

Hmm, I voted promiscuous but with no regret. It put me on the path to meeting DH and helped me to become the person I am today. However, by most standards I wouldn't be considered so.

I waited until after my 18th birthday to engage in sexual activity and I'm glad I waited until then, but I'm also glad that I had some experience before my husband. However, in a period of a year I had a new partner every couple of months (I've slept with 8 men total in my life) and I sometimes wonder what made me so active.

Looking back on it, I'm sure it was a combination of finally getting my braces off, getting to my goal weight, and developing a greater confidence in myself that led me to become overwhelmed with the male attention I received and I went with it. Oddly enough, all of the men I dated (they were all slightly older) were wonderful, kind and very respectful of me but I was the one who ended it in all cases except one. They were not replacing any nurturing from my family, it was simply me making up for lost time during at time when I was restless, not sure of what direction to take, and very vain & proud of all that I had overcome in regards to being an ugley duckling.

As for my children, I hope that love themselves enough to do whats right for them (& I know with certainty that I had to do what I had to do), but I definitely believe that there is a time & a place for everything. The ramifications for being promiscuous at 14 are a lot different than the consequences of being so at 18 or older.


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## achintyasamma (Aug 4, 2004)

I was active, but not promiscuous. I don't regret having been sexually active. Looking back I wonder why I got involved with the people I did though. More than the actual sex, the reasons for my being attracted to certain people were definitely a reflection of my insecurities/unmet needs.


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
Why can't you "enjoy sex and claim [your] sexuality" with your husband?

In my opinion, you are a whore if you are having sex with a bunch of different guys all the time, just because you're 'instincts' tell you you need sex (and I don't mean "you" as YOU - just proverbial of course - I myself was pretty promiscuous from 18-22).

well, I guess because I didn't want to be married (I'm still not married, in a long term relationship). I certainly didn't want to settle down at 16.







I've had a killer sex drive for as long as I can remember. I don't believe in supressing natural drives and desires- what makes someone a whore IMO is if she is using sex to get something else- whether it be money, trying to get the guy to marry her, or buy her dinner. I never have used sex as a means to an end other than mutual pleasure. I've learned a lot from my experiences and definately don't have any problem with sexual dysfunction in my relationship







In fact if it hadn't been for the experiences I had with my best friend when I was in college I don't know if I would have found what I liked or needed to "o"









I just feel that my body is for my own enjoyment and I never felt as if I was "giving myself away" in any way- I felt as if I was developing my sexual self and having a good time doing it.

oh and I just have to comment on this:

Quote:

I was watching Dr. Drews show the other night and there was a man on there who was horrified at his small penis size....but wanted to have sex...but avoided it because he felt too small. You know - if he waited until he was in love with a person, and the person was in love with him, and they committed to each other to be married and with eachother forever and they had never had sex before with anyone else - it wouldn't really matter to her what his penis looked like - big or small - because 1) she wouldn't know any different and 2) because she LOVES him and is committed to him - not because of his penis size, but because she LOVES him.
that's a great reason to "try before you buy" IMO







sure she loves him but she'll spend the rest of her life trying to figure out why she isn't enjoying sex and why she isn't having orgasms while her friends talk about how they are. If I had married one of the first guys I was with, oh man, I would have become a total prude because I thought something was wrong with me for not enjoying sex. Ignorance ain't always bliss when it comes to marrying Mr. Small


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveChild421*
sure she loves him but she'll spend the rest of her life trying to figure out why she isn't enjoying sex and why she isn't having orgasms while her friends talk about how they are. If I had married one of the first guys I was with, oh man, I would have become a total prude because I thought something was wrong with me for not enjoying sex. Ignorance ain't always bliss when it comes to marrying Mr. Small









But somehow lesbians manage to have orgasms with no penis, large or small......


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## Tinas3muskateers (May 19, 2004)

I didnt have sex persay with a lot of people but I would get in a car and make out with any tom dick or harry that had pot or booze. Not only was a promiscuous but not to bright. We would go with anyone any where and age didnt matter most times. I lost my virginty at 15 and by 17 I had been with 6 or 7 guys. Then it was just DH and I from then on out. I was with 2 boys before him and then we split up and I was with a few people and then we got back together. Not sure why I acted that way, I hated athority, I wanted to be everything no one wanted me to be. I would not fit in the mold that was set for me. Then in my twenties I expermented with women alot. But since the birth of my last child, I have lost my labito <sp> totally, I think it fell out at the hospital and no one returned it to me lol.


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## Tinas3muskateers (May 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momo7*
I don't know....I want very much to teach my daughters the value of virginity. I think it is the most special thing you can give to the one that you love...and it shouldn't be thrown away lightly. If I could take back mine...I would in a heart-beat. I wish I'd never, never even laid eyes on that guy. It was such a slippery slope on a downward path. I married my husband (a military man,







BTW) when I was 18...we've been together for 16 years. I love him SO much and I wish I would have saved that special part of me to give to him.


I couldnt agree more. I feel like I cheated myself that experience.Saving it, waiting it out, sharing it for the first time on that speical night. Maybe its old fashioned or corny but I really wish I had that chance.


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

i voted not sexually active as a teen. even though my first time was when i was 19.

i did go through several phases of promiscuity after that though. i've also had one self chosen dry spell of about 3 or 4 years since becoming sexually active. sometimes i've slept with boyfriends (and sometimes not) and sometimes friends or aquaintences, a few times with strangers.

since i've skirted stds and unwanted pregnancy. i can't say i have any regrets. but then the only thing i can think of that i really regret is never getting a mohawk. (and since i'm 30 i don't guess i'll ever fix that one) seriously though my past has brought me to my present and i am so happy with where i am now that i would not risk changing anything that brought me here.

as for my children i would love for them to wait for marrige. but that is an ideal and we humans are not likely to lead ideal lives. we're not perfect. and considering the average age of marrige keeps going up and up...

i would like for them to know that i love them and god loves them no matter what they do. that their bodies are their own. that sex is beatiful and natural and fun. i would like for them to wait until marrige but i would also like for them to marry their "soul-mates". if they find the "one" early in life i do think that would be a blessing but i would hope a long engagemen was planned if they were under say 20. if they can't won't or just don't wait till marrige i would like for them to at least wait for a special, loving, long-term, mutual, wonderful, beautiful partner and experience. i would like for them to fully understand and accept the mechanics of sex including the possible physical and emotional results. i would like for them to be at a place in their life where they will continue any resulting pregnancies.

i think that sums it up for me.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Well, I hope I can drag this back up. I clicked not sexually active as a teen (truth was I didn't do squat as a teen or young adult - no smooching, nada). But I'd also like to let it be known that I've got a bit of regret about that, truth be told, I was too shy, thought I was too fat, and of course didn't want to even think about pregnancy. But I really wish I had experimented even a little so as to know a few things about myself, and sexuality. I think sexuality is something that's healthy, natural and should be explored, so long as there is ample information about sex given to a teen or young adult. Also the importance of a respectful relationship should also be taught wrt sex ed.


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## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

I was sexually active, but didn't and don't consider myself promiscuous. By the time I'd married (at 23) I'd had around 20 partners. And I don't think that's alot. I'm sure some people do. I had sex when I wanted to have sex. I have/had a high sex drive.

So, I didn't vote. I don't regret almost all of my sexual life before marraige, and I certainly don't regret it after.


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## CorasMama (May 10, 2002)

I was very promiscuous as a teen (several dozen partners btwn 17&20 yrs old), and I *absolutely* regret it! I have abandonement issues, guilt issues, trust issues, and a LOT of "exes"! Not to mention, an abortion, two miscarriages, and a child before I was 24! And then there's the lifelong pain in the ass (literally) of herpes, though that came from a date rape.

I came from a very progressive family, and I have literally no idea where my sex issues come from. My parents did everything right when it came to educating me and modeling healthy attitudes about sex. That scares the crap out of me, because that means I can't necessarily control that outcome with dd.


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

I have to admit, I was very promiscuous as a preteen/teen and I do NOT regret it! To be honest, i would probably be just as promiscuous if I could go back to those years as I was the first time.


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## Bartock (Feb 2, 2006)

I had lot of boyfriends, lots of fooling around, but no sex untill I was 17 he was my first(well that's obvious LOL) and he is now the father of my 2 ds, been almost 12 years!!!


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## momsincmay (Mar 11, 2006)

was i promiscuous throughout my teen years-no, but at some point during my teen years-yes(13-14).Looking back at my actions i can honestly say to some degree my lack of affection from my mother may have played a part but at the time I saw it as a way, my way of fitting. i didn't fit in with anybody which made me feel like a nobody- not the athletes, not the band, not the cheerleaders, not the "nerds", nor the class clowns or any other social group. so what could i do about it? get noticed. i thought being easy would make me "cool" ( i really didnt think things through...for that matter i really didnt think at all) Lack of nurturing may play a part in promiscuity but i honestly believe even in the most loving, open, nurturing home there's room for error. In my case looking for love, looking for acceptance, looking for validation all in the wrong places in the wrong way.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

I agree with "mama two" I had a long term boyfriend that I started dating in my teen years. We began having sex when I was 15. I do regret doing it that early on. I wish I would have focused more on school and other things up until the age of 18.


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## sandim (Mar 18, 2006)

I lost my virginity @ 14yrs old and i regret it. I also regret the amount of people i slept with which was about 10 people in highschool.

I never knew my dad, and looking back i so longed for a man/boys attention and affection.

Being a mother now, makes me regret it even more. I pray that my daughter never has to feel so alone.


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## natrowmum (Apr 7, 2006)

Promiscuous as a teen, and do NOT regret it. is what i picked as being most applicable and the most accurate answer to what i thought you were asking

i think most people would consider me promiscuous, but i never considered myself to be so. i do regret some of my partner choices. i hope my DC enter the realm of the sexual active with more taste. if only for the jokes at family get-togethers later.









besides 1st time was awful (not his fault or mine, just wished someone had known what they were doing), i would hate for that to have been my DH. i certainly would not want my DD to be married to someone she had the sort of experience with and i will probably tell her so, especially if she asks.


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## charmander (Dec 30, 2003)

Hard to answer the poll. I had one sexual partner from the time I was 19 (still technically a teen) to age 24 when we broke up. I don't regret it at all.


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## momfirst (Apr 14, 2006)

I was pretty much a slut! Wow, how easy that is to say in the anonyminity of cyberspace!!!







I do regret it now. Part of why I was promiscuous was due to my home life...drunk, abusive mom....emotionally distant dad. Also, there were so many rumors floating around about me, I thought why not!? They all think I do anyway! I was tall (5'9"), skinny (118 lbs), long blonde hair and huge boobs (DD). There were always rumors going around about how I had sex with certain teachers (which I didn't) and how I had an abortion (again, not true....at that time I was still a virgin). I also started using drugs for pretty much the same reasons.

Anyway, I do regret just giving myself to guys because that's what they wanted! I valued myself so little that I thought that was all I could offer.

Do I want better for my dd?! YES! I do want her to wait to have sex...maybe not for marriage, but certainly for a commited relationship...more than just teen aged puppy love. I want her to value herself and know that she has more to offer someone than sex!

BTW, my dd tells me everything







...I am not looking forward to the day when she comes home to tell me, in detail, about her first sexual experience...and she will!


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

I was not at all sexually active as a teen and I regret it. I had 1 boyfriend for about 3 months when I was 14 and that was it until I was 18. I lost my virginity at 18 (yeah, still a teen but I was out of high school), then married the next guy I slept with. I love DH, I really do, but I wish I'd experienced more before settling down. I have dreams about having sex with other guys and have fantasies about cheating because I would love to know what it's like to be with a lot of different men. I won't cheat and I wish the fantasies would go away.


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

2Sweeties, I know exactly what you mean: I have a friend who was not at all sexually active as a teen and very much regrets not having been. She basically says the same thing you do about it. I was just the opposite (as I mentioned above): I was quite the little promiscuous vixen and no, I did not, and still do not regret it, nor do I make apologies for it. It helped me know what I wanted. Was I what could have been defined as a "slut"? Probably, but it never bothered me then and, looking back on it now, still doesn't bother me.


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## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

2Sweeties1angel, I did not loose my virginity till I was 23. I also did not have a father growing up (he died when he was 4) but my need to feel safe went the extreme... I did not trust people easily (would they protect me?) So that's why I waited so long.

By 23, I was desperate it would never happen, so I slept with someone who became my first real boyfriend.

I do not regret being sexually active as a teen (I feel the opposite feelings that you do, let me explain).

I dated "stupid" for a year. He was handsome, GREAT in bed, but a loser. He was a musician, but had emotional issues. He was verbally abusive to his mother (his mom divorced his dad when he was little). He smoked weed from time to time. He didn't want to work, he was a super at his father's apartment building. I moved in (a thief trashed my apartment and I was too spooked to go back). After a few months, he started ignoring me and just hung out with his friends. I was very withdrawn and just kept to myself. By one year, we broke up. It was very good thing too. I shudder to think what our life would have been like together if we married and had children. (I really thank God we never got pg and ended up tied to the hip for 18 years.) I was a completely different person then.

Then I started dating the person







who I married. He was pretty opposite of stupid in every way, but kind, loving, was really into ME!, compassionate, very successful, yada, yada, yada.

I do not regret having "more lovers."

I regret having the one I did. I know that sounds weird to some.

When I was at my midwive's office, she had some ancient (80s







) birth book with stories of women. One homebirth mama was determined to wait to have sex until she found the man who would father her children.







WOW. I was blown away. That sounded so pure to me. I wish I had read that story when I was a teenager.

I had a lot of amazing sex with "stupid." I don't spend time dwelling on it or yearning for it or remember that year in my life fondly. I don't wish for him again. UGH!!!! Sex without love sucks (to me).

He also gave me an STD (chlamydia) we had







unprotected sex once in awhile (he was curious to see what it felt like). That's the risk you take when you sleep with someone who has slept with more than 10 people! Arghhh!







What an idiot I was!

There is some Tara Reid movie (don't remember the title) about college students? and she goes off on some guy because her friend claims that he raped her. There is a very telling scene where he has sex with her on top of a parked car. Yuck. I'm sure some people imagine all sorts of things, but when it's really happening (sex without love) really isn't all that it's cracked up to me.







That movie "Unfaithful" also had a lot of "hot" passionate sex scenes, but I have the same reaction. Ugh. The only movie with a hot passionate sex scene that I really enjoy is "The Big Easy" because there was real chemistry/passion between the characters (at end of the movie they end up married.)

I wish you peace. Having this issue torment your thoughts is rough.









I swear, prayer helps! Try it. See if it helps you. It can't hurt.


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## Shakita (Apr 21, 2006)

I was sexually active, I hope I had waited a little bit more.


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## rozzie'sma (Jul 6, 2005)

I was promiscous and REGRET IT BIG TIME.
I was looking for approval and love I didn't find at home. My firsy bf, who I was with for 2 years, was A LOT older than me. Even though my parents were married and my dad was physically there he was emotionally absent. This guy cared. It was kind of twisted, but if I bombed a test it was my bf who would be upset not my dad. Thanks to bf, I graduated at the top of my class and never got into drugs. Not saying our relationship was right, it wasn't, but it could have been worse.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

As a teen, I had sex with only two boys. Both were "serious" relationships.

In college, I was too promiscuous. I do regret it. One day, I ran across my old phone book from college/early adulthood. I had a hard time finding men's names in there that were men I did NOT sleep with. I was at one point all excited when I would run across a man's name that I can honestly say I didn't sleep with. (The music minister from church LOL) YAY me!

It wasn't an approval thing...I just liked sex. I would gladly go back to those years and NOT *do* most of those guys.

I hope my daughter finds a partner and has a long healthy relationship with him. I hope she never does the "trolling for men" things that I did.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentlestrengths*
In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship.


Quote:

How do you know how sex with multiple partners will affect your child? Just because multiple partners doesn't affect you - doesn't mean it won't affect your child.
This interests me. In the first part that I quoted, you say _no_ teen is emotionally ready. In the second part, you talk about the difference in how sex with multiple partners affects one person, and how it will affect another. So, in the second, you acknowledge that people are all different, but in the first, you make it sound as though all teens are the same.

Quote:

Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal.






























I was as hormonal as any guy I knew when I was younger - and more so than some of them. I'm not sure I can identify a single moment from age 12 to age 18 that I wasn't horny. Sure, there were other factors at play, but there were other factors at play for the boys, too. This kind of stereotype is a bit ridiculous.

Quote:

Within a marriage relationship, both partners can trust eachother with their deepest most intimate self - and only then.
That's what I have now, and I don't want anything else. But, when I was younger, I wasn't so much into that. I did marry the man that I got together with at 16 (he was 15). We stayed together until just after he turned 30. The last several years were absolute hell. I couldn't trust him with anything at all. Honestly, I'm glad that I'd had a couple of sexual partners before I met him, because "giving up" my virginity in an exercise of mutual horniness was much easier on me than knowing that I'd "saved" it for a worthless jerk like my ex!

Anyway....I voted "sexually active, and don't regret it". I definitely regret that my ex was such an accomplished liar, and that I didn't realize what he was really all about until we were married, with a son. I regret that we didn't live together before we got married, because if I'd lived with him, I'd have known what he was all about. On the other hand...I have my wonderful, talented, creative, kind, loving, intelligent ds1. So - no regrets.

And, I don't regret any of my sexual experiences before I met my ex - except the ones that weren't consensual, and those were before I was a teenager, anyway...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Oh, my - I just realized how old this thread is! I guess my response was kind of pointless.


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## papayapetunia (Feb 6, 2006)

I was not sexually active as a teen, and I regret it tremendously.


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## Moon Faerie (Aug 2, 2004)

I said I was sexually active as a teen and don't regret it. Depending on your def. of teen, not sexually active might be more accurate. I was 18, so technically a teen but an adult teen.


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## Attached Mama (Dec 4, 2005)

I got married when I was 27 adn DH was 30 and it was the 1st time for us both and we were both so happy it was that way for us.


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## MamaTaraX (Oct 5, 2004)

Attached Mama -- that made me smile









Since i just discovered this forum ten minutes ago, I'll asnwer this but no tthe poll because I'mnot sure how to.
I have only slept with one guy willingly and that'smy husband. We began having sex a few months after we committed ourselves to each other. I say that I lost my virginity to him. Technicaly, however, my virginity was taken from me in in the least happy of wayswhen I was 15 and I continued that abusive relationship for a while. So while I was sexually active as a teen, it was with my husband. Myfirst son was born when I was 18, a month after our 2nd anniversary









For my kids, I want them to have sexually healthy lives at whatever age. I want them to kno w and enjoy sex in healthy,loving relationships. Committed relationships preferably. I am not against experimentation and whatnot and I think it can be healthy. My oldest is 7 and I already shudder to think that in as many years, sex will be on his mind, even if only a blip on the radar. I think I would be disappointed tofind my children sleeping around and engaging in risky behaviours and unhealthy relationships. The best I can do though is to hope and pray and model a happy relationship to them.

Namaste, Tara


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## shemphoward312 (Jul 12, 2013)

Hello, I hope it's not too late to post here! I wonder if you would accept some input from a guy.
I was not only NOT promiscuous, I was such an outsider and a momma's boy that I didn't even know anyone was having sex. I wonder where all these girls are/were who competed, kept lists (# of guys in a night? WOW! Where was I?). I feel like all of that happened in a galaxy I was not allowed to visit. I missed the secret memo.
I didn't know there were parties, didn't go away to college-- in fact, no girl ever said two words to me all through HS. This whole process of having experiences, finding out who you are and what works for you, what YOU want out of life and out of relationships, never happened. I was expected to be responsible for my parents--since they did not get along--and that is exactly what I did, at the expense of my own social and psychological development and long-term well-being. I learned to be
ashamed of my sexuality and of my desire for independence.
And I ABSOLUTELY regret and resent having been left out and ignored. You better believe it!


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## Katobi (Jul 9, 2013)

Sorry for posting on a zombie threat! Shemphoward revived it...

I lost my virginity my senior year in high school (I was 17, barely) to a guy I had a crush on. The next day his best friend screamed it through the halls. I was mortified and labeled a slut, but he was slapped on the back and given high fives. I never had sex with any other person in high school and didn't for a long time until after I moved away. I regret that experience (the way I lost my virginity). I wish I had one like my husband: he and his first "love" dated and stayed together for a long time.

I think that even as a teen, if you have a good experience with someone you Iove and trust you'll have a healthier outlook on sex as an adult, but this belief is due to my background. I went through a time when one could say I slept around, I was 18-19 away form we're I grew up and on my own. For all intents and purposes I was an adult, but given my age as a teenager ill say, I don't regret it at all. Everyone has a different threshold for what they think is promiscuous. I don't think I was promiscuous as a teen, but someone else may judge me to have been.

I hope that when this baby arrives and the day comes that I have to have "the talk" with he or she (I never got the Talk) I can let them know my story so hopefully they can learn from it. But, that won be happening for about 15 years so who knows what I'll actually do or say.

Interesting question.


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## GarysWife (May 16, 2013)

I guess I would say I was promiscuous as a teen but I do not regret it at all. I think it has made me who I am today and I do think it's made me a better lover to my dh. My 16 year old SD became sexually active last year at 15 with her boyfriend. She trusted me enough to come and talk to me and tell me that they were thinking about it and she wanted to go on bc. We had a long discussion about it, what was good about it and what the risks were. I told her I wasn't going to encourage her to have sex but if she felt she was ready I would completely accept it and support her decision. This happened last summer and her and her bf are still together and in a very loving committed relationship. Sex is a part of their relationship but it is not what their relationship is based on. And my sd and I talk alot and she knows she can come to me with any questions or advice.


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

I appreciate this thread for a couple of reasons.

I can't away from the moral/judgment aspect of the word "promiscuous." I just realized that beyond nonconsent/coercive sexual situations, I just don't have much judgment or "should" about it from an absolutist/moral perspective. Some choices are more likely than other to result in personal harm, but I don't see that as much different than choices in other realms of life (finances, cleaning the house, etc.)

I did make some choices sexually that were harmful to me. I don't regret anything at this point. It's all part of the discovery of life and has contributed to whom I've become, and I like me.

I am at a point now as a middle-aged, single woman with two teenagers where I'm really figuring out what I believe about sexual activity and what it means to me, what values I do hold, what lines I believe to be appropriate and acceptable. I don't think that people who don't have the same lines are necessarily wrong. (Again, nonconsent and coercion are never okay. Hard line on that!) But it's not what I was taught it is, it's not what I feared it might be, and it's not what I've made it into.

I want for my children: I want them to enjoy sexual activity for it being sexual activity as soon as possible (in their sexual experience, not as soon as possible in their lives!), without it being about pleasing others, about hoping for a relationship, about acquiring experience or social status (whether in their own heads or with others). I want them to be able to know what they want, how to ask for it, and to avoid partners who aren't willing to play that way. I want my son to see sex not as something that he gets from someone, but something that he shares with someone -- and now that we're to this point, I am wondering how to frame it this way because I know what message he's getting from his father. I want my daughter to see herself as an active participant and sex as something that is about her pleasure. I want them both to recognize the greater emotional and social pieces that sexual activity sparks. If we tell them anything, we tell them about reproduction. We don't (as a culture) go much into the vast emotional landscape, and how it affects relationships.

So thanks for this thread. It gave me a good space to think about what I really think and feel.


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

As far as being "emotionally ready" goes, there are a great many things in life for which we may not be "emotionally ready," if by that we mean "can't possibly be hurt by at all." I wasn't "emotionally ready" to graduate from college and get a grown up job (and I was late 30s). To some extent, I believe that we become "emotionally ready" through experience and perserverance rather than for waiting for a moment of perfection that may never come.

Are we not ready for sex because of age/maturity, or because we've been led to believe that it means things that it doesn't have to?


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