# What to do about finger sucking?



## mommy2cias (Feb 6, 2006)

DS has sucked on his 2 middle fingers since he was 4 months old. It's his soothing method. Well, he's now 4 and it's starting to mess up his teeth, it's spreading germs like crazy, he's picking up tons of germs b/c of it, and all the sucking can't be good for his ears, which we've already had problems with. He's had several ear infection, a lot of fluid build up in his ears and right now has an infection in the ear canal.

Anyway, the point is, we need to get him to stop somehow. DH resorts to hot sauce, which I hate. At lunch today he had his fingers in his mouth and dh threatned to get the hot sauce. When ds didn't take them out, he got it out of the fridge, but never used it b/c ds freaked out and took his fingers out of his mouth and covered his mouth. Then looked at me crying and said 'no sauce mommy, no hot sauce". I glared at dh and just about cried. I'm working on GD myself, and need to get dh in on it too.

Any ideas? I can't take this anymore....

TIA


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## Attached Mama (Dec 4, 2005)

maybe a reward system... stickers for remembering to not do it and then when he gets so many he gets a prize every wk - a little one - and when he has so many wks a bigger prize and then when he weans himself from it a new tricycle or something *big* that he wants. Just an idea....


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

My sister sucked her two middle fingers until she was 8, yes she was always sick, lots of ear infections, her adult front teeth have been completely redone because of it......

Anyway when she finally stopped she got a cat. My parents tried painting her fingers with stuff, that didn't work.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Subscribing to this thread. DS does this too...same 2 fingers. He also has to have his lovey when he sucks his.


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## LoveBeads (Jul 8, 2002)

I think when you are considering any type of behavior modification, you need to remember to look at the big picture. Putting hot sauce on his fingers is something that he will remember as an adult and your DH has to ask himself if that is how he wants his son to remember his discipline method.

I think the better thing to do is to tell him that he needs to make sure his fingers are clean before he sucks on them so that his ears won't hurt. You can probably elicit his cooperation and even buy some of that kid friendly sanitizing gel that he might like to use. His teeth will probably need braces but that might be true even if he isn't sucking on his fingers.

The reward system might work too. Good luck!


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

I wouldn't worry about the germs, anything strong enough to get spread will get spread one way or another. if you've found actual research that shows finger sucking causes ear infections I would like to see it, because everything I've read says it doesn't (I've had to read a lot about helping prevent ear infections because my dd has a cleft palate- no infections yet though!) and his teeth are still baby teeth-right?

my sister is 19 yrs old, 20 in July, and still sucks her thumb. developmentally, children usually let go of comfort suckling around 5-8 yrs old. my parents divored when she was 7, so I think she clung to it more, and "missed" her developmental window to stop. my mom is a pediatrician, so she tried every mainstream technique in the books to get her to stop. the bitter tasting stuff they make, punishments, rewards, even a splint at one point. she ended up with a device in her palate that was specifically designed to prevent thumbsucking, several retainers, several sets of braces, and now chronic TMJ (jaw disorder).

obviously, nothing worked, it's not about the thumb, or in your case, the fingers-it's about the way it makes the child feel. just like any addiction, it provides comfort and pleasure to combat stress and relieve boredom. you can encourage him to stop, but more than likely, all it's going to do is make him more stressed out about it and focused on it, which leads to more finger-sucking. none of the reasons you listed sound like a good enough reason to me personally to try and force him to stop. after watching what happened with my sister, I wouldn't even attempt to stop my daughter if she turns out to do this. from what I've read, 5 to 8 yrs old is the natural age to stop, and until it goes past that, I'd let it be.


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## mama_mojo (Jun 5, 2005)

I believe (as a former thumb sucker) that the more you talk about it and draw attention to it, the harder it is to stop. He is really the only one that can make the finger sucking stop, and the adversarial relationship created by parents trying to force a child to stop is an all lose situation in my opinion.

With sucking things in our house, we just handle what happens. If you suck your hair, hair must be washed. If you suck your fingers, hands must be washed before you handle other people's things, before you cook, before you wash dishes, etc. If you mouth toys, they must be washed or discarded. For my dd, who seems to follow in her own dear mother's footsteps for sucking, washing hands and hair so often seems to be enough of a bother for her to self regulate.


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## Doodadsmom (May 27, 2005)

I have no experience with this personally (at least not yet) but my grandmother used the hot sauce method on my mother. She still remembers crying, and rubbing her eyes like children do when they cry...hot sauce in the eyes is not a fun experience.







No advice, sorry, I'm just glad you're looking for a different solution! And, like a PP said, I imagine the more attention is called to it, the harder it'll be to stop.


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

I would explain to your son the consequences of sucking on his fingers, and why he needs to stop.

Then I would ask him for suggestions on how he could stop and how you could help. Write down all the suggestions (yours and his) then go over the list together and pick one that is acceptable to both of you.

If he's involved in the "solution" it will likely go more smoothly and you won't be coercing him with punishments or rewards.

Keep in mind that habits are VERY hard to break. Adults keep smoking and drinking knowing full well how bad it is. Don't expect too much of him, and remember that his self-esteem is more important than his teeth.


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

um...i'm not sure what to say. how old is your child? i just can't imagine making this a battle i'd choose to fight. he obviously is filling a sucking need. do you still nurse?

using hot sauce is absolutely *appalling* and i REALLY hope that you made it clear to DH that it's cruel at *best*.

i'm gonna stop this post before i say something i'll regret.


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## cuttiebearmom (Oct 22, 2004)

I think he needs help finding other ways to meet his own needs for security if you want him to stop doing this one thing that makes him feel secure. Maybe you could get him to start 'cuddling' on your lap when he is sucking or something else like this. Slowly start associating something else with the feelings of security he gets from sucking too?

My DD1 sucks her thumb when tired, cuddling, falling asleep and has since she was born despite also constantly bf'ing when little. I'm not planning on making her stop, but that's just me







If she still does it in college and her dorm friends make fun of her she'll be old enough to deal with it then


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## Hatteras Gal (Jun 1, 2004)

My sister sucked her middle and ring fingers well into high school. By then it was at night, for soothing and falling asleep. She never had problems with her teeth, or ear infections. They are perfect.
My dd sucks her thumb and she is 4. She does not do it nearly as often as she used to. But it is starting to affect her teeth. Her dentist told us as long as she stops by the time she is 5, no permanent damage should occur. She has started saying, 'When I turn 5, I have to stop sucking my thumb or it will damage my teeth.' We'll see. I'm not going to force her to stop but when she is 5 if I see her doing it I will gently remind her about her teeth. The only time I ask her now to not suck her thumb is when she's at preschool and gymnastics. Or of she's talking to me and I can't understand her.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

I pick my fingers. Not the cuticles, the actual finger skin around the sides of the nail bed. I do it when I'm super bored and not occupying my hands with anything, or super stressed and not occupying my hands with anything. I sometimes do it so much that my fingers bleed a teeny bit.







About 90% of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it.

I hate that I do it. It looks gross. I don't want to do it. I've been doing it since I was a teenager, and my parents, my friends, my husband, have all tried various things to get me to stop. I even tried voluntarily putting my hands in lemon juice or nail polish remover to see if I could "pain" myself out of it. Worked great for that day, but then I'd be back to it. The ONLY 2 things that have stopped me are:

Acrylic nails







:, because the fake nails are too thick for me to get a good "grip" to pick at the skin,

and

Putting tape around my fingers, cause then I just pick at the tape and realize what I'm doing.

I don't want to have acrylic nails for the rest of my life, and putting tape on my fingers every day is not practical when taking care fo a small child (and soon 2 small children). I've considered going to hypnotherapy to stop it, but it hasn't been that bad lately (cause I guess I'm pretty occupied with my 2-yo







) and I'm not doing it a lot now. If it ever gets as bad again as it was about 5 years ago, I likely will seek some kind of treatment.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you so much about this, other than to point out that even if your son WANTS to stop, he might not be able to without a herculean effort. I'd love to stop picking at my fingers. I've tried to stop many ways....I even talked to a doctor once to see if they thought it was a mild form of OCD or depression or anxiety or something (he said it's probably anxiety and would try me on a low dose med, but I wasn't ready to take that big a step without trying other things). I also wanted to point out that the "pain" thing hasn't worked for me more than briefly, and I _volunteered_ to do it as an adult. I can't imagine how upsetting it would be to have that done against my will as a small child, over something he likely has little control over doing in the first place.

I would try to focus on keeping his hands busy doing things (maybe playdoh or a yo-yo, or other really tactile things), on transitioning him to some kind of other lovey/security/comfort object, and *gently* but consistently reminding him when he has his fingers in his mouth to please take them out. I would NOT use hot sauce, shaming, or any other kind of punishment to try to stop it, because if it's a comfort or stress release for him, he's only going to turn to it more if he's being made to feel bad for it. I wouldn't even use a reward system, because if he "fails" at it, he's going to be even more stressed than he is now.

Hope this helps in some way. I know it's not helpful with the current medical and hygiene problems that he's facing, but maybe some of this will give you some insight, or maybe some of the gentler ideas for cutting back will help him at least reduce doing it as much as he is now. Good luck. I guarantee you he's at least as stressed as you guys are about it. Trust me.


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## winonamom2be (Nov 7, 2005)

I don't see how sucking fingers can cause all these sicknesses and infections. There are hundreds of thousands of kids who suck thumbs, fingers, pacifiers, whatever and I think it's pretty hit and miss on whether they get a lot of ear infections or not. I sucked my thumb until I was about 6 or 7 and had a few ear infections, but nothing out of the ordinary. And believe me, that thumb was in my mouth more than out of it. And I never required braces or anything - teeth are perfectly straight. In fact, I think that Dr. Sears says that childhood thumb and finger sucking is unlikely to cause any damage / crookedness to adult teeth...

I agree with some of the other PPs that it is just not a big deal and to leave him alone about it. If you are that worried about germs, just help him to remember to wash his hands more. He'll stop eventually - no one ever went to their high school graduation with their fingers in their mouth.

(Well, actually, apparently they did because I see people on here actually know 20-year-olds who thumbsuck but frankly I have a really really hard time picturing a grown adult doing this, and when I do, it is not very attractive and seems a little pathological at that point, but that is a whole 'nother story.)


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama_mojo*
I believe (as a former thumb sucker) that the more you talk about it and draw attention to it, the harder it is to stop. He is really the only one that can make the finger sucking stop, and the adversarial relationship created by parents trying to force a child to stop is an all lose situation in my opinion.

Yep as a former thumb sucker, I agree. All it will do is shame him. I stopped at 11 of my own accord. I was never sick and I have perfect teeth.

My daughter sucks her thumb, and I plan on letting her decide when she wants to stop.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cuttiebearmom*
I think he needs help finding other ways to meet his own needs for security if you want him to stop doing this one thing that makes him feel secure. Maybe you could get him to start 'cuddling' on your lap when he is sucking or something else like this. Slowly start associating something else with the feelings of security he gets from sucking too?

This is the method I think works best. If you want to stop the finger sucking, you might try finding something else to meet his comfort needs.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *winonamom2be*

(Well, actually, apparently they did because I see people on here actually know 20-year-olds who thumbsuck but frankly I have a really really hard time picturing a grown adult doing this, and when I do, it is not very attractive and seems a little pathological at that point, but that is a whole 'nother story.)

yep, that was my sister. I agree that it's quite rare and weird and I *wish* I was lying about it, but I've caught her doing it while watching TV at my mom's house. & I agree it's a psychological problem.


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Okay first of all it is imperative that I tell you that hot sauce on the tongue, for ANY reason, is cruel at best and in some states it is even considered child abuse and your child can be removed from you. Even if it is not the case in your state, there is no way that the hot sauce will have any positive affect --- furthermore, it can forever damage both your son's tender taste buds, mouth and gums, and forever damage his relationship with your husband.

I am not trying to lecture, but it is important that first you put a stop to your husband's cruel and unfortunately not so unusual punishment before you try to stop anything else.

I think that honestly, the finger sucking is annoying you more than anything. As far as germs, well, welcome to preschoolers. Welcome to babies, infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and children in general. They are going to put things in their mouth, they are going to pick up germs, they are going to get dirty, and do some pretty gross things, and it is just something to let go of. If anything your son's immune system will become STRONGER by introducing it to germs which his body can build immunity against -- then when the bird flu comes, you won't have to freak. Sort of a joke, but I am serious about the other things...

I would just let it go personally. You are just giving the poor boy a complex, frustrating and stressing him and yourself out, your husband is creating an adversarial relationship and making his son afraid of him (as you pointed out in your OP) and frankly, with that all at stake, I would happily pay for braces -- which you very well may have had to anyway whether he sucked his fingers or not.

Let the poor child be. It comforts him and the current methods you and your dh are implimenting aren't doing anything for his comfort level.


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

*applause* thank you, CC! my thoughts exactly!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I got a retainer at age 7 to correct the problems my teeth had because of thumb-sucking. It probably was supposed to have the side effect of stopping me from sucking, but actually just taught me how to position my thumb so that I was no longer pushing my teeth out. I stopped on my own a few months after I stopped wearing the retainer.


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## fek&fuzz (Jun 19, 2005)

I sucked my thumb when I was little. Here is a memory I have of my parents trying to make me stop. We (5 kids, 2 parents) were all on my parents bed watching the Wizard of Oz. It's scary and I was sucking my thumb. My dad said that I could either sit up at the head of the bed with everyone else and not suck my thumb, or sit at the foot of the bed by myself and suck my thumb. I choose to sit at the foot of the bed, because sucking my thumb was soothing to me during a scary movie. But I remember feeling so torn, and wondering why I had to make that choice. Did my dad think I would magically be cured of my thumb sucking? Did he think I would remember to this day what he said and how it made me feel?


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

awww..that is so sad to me, fek&fuzz. your father made you choose between your family and your comfort...when they really should be one and the same. i wish he had offered to hold you closer and alleviate whatever need you had for comfort that you were finding in your thumbsucking. again, i'm sorry...


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I sucked two fingers on my left hand until I was eight. I just washed off the hot sauce and icky tasting crap when my parents tried it. I had 2-6 ear infections every year. When I was three, the drs told my parents to incinerate my security blanket because it was causing my ear infections. They did. I stayed awake for 3 days. (My parents only parenting advice: Never burn your kids security object.) Then the drs told my parents the infections were from the finger sucking. They intermittently tried to get me to stop. When I was eight, I was really only sucking to get to sleep. They told me if I didn't suck my finger for two weeks I could have anything in the toy department. Two weeks later I got an easybake oven. I also stopped being able to fall asleep until after midnight until I was in my late teens.

And I had chronic ear infections until I was 18 and at college.

Soooo, having been there, get your mind around the braces he's going to need as a teenager and don't worry about the sucking. The results of stopping may be even harder for you to cope with. (Trust me, if you have six kids you do not want one awake until midnight every night, even if she is reading by the moonlight in her bed.)


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## mommy2cias (Feb 6, 2006)

Thanks everyone. I don't mind if he does it, most of the time anyway. I know in the car it puts him to sleep and I once gave dh a lecture b/c he kept telling ds to get his fingers out of his mouth and ds never went to sleep before a party. Ugh. He really needed to sleep and the next time I told dh not to mess with ds the whole trip(an hour). LOL.. It worked.

Anyway, I have tried finding something else to soothe him, but it didn't work. I gave him his favorite blanket and said instead of sucking his thumb, he could cuddle w/that. He tried twice and I guess it just didn't work for him. And yes, the more we tell him not to do it, the more he does it. He went a week or so w/o doing it and then suddenly started again. Maybe something changed in the house, I'm not sure. I can't remember now.

I've been thinking of trying a reward chart, but just haven't gotten around to doing it yet. I'll give it a try and see what happens. I can offer his favorite smoothie or toy as a reward. Or maybe I should just save that to use for a reward for not pottying in his pants and find something else for the finger-sucking...

Anyway, thanks again!!


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## J-Max (Sep 25, 2003)

My oldest was a finger sucker. She stopped own her own last spring/summer (she was 6.5). It was very much a comfort/security thing. She also has to have something soft and fuzzy pushed against her nose while she was sucking her finger (she still likes to do this when she is really tired or sick). After about 4-5, she was not doing it all day long, mostly when she was tired/scared/sick - need the comfort. We just totally left it alone and she slowly stopped on her own. She did not have ear infections or was sick all the time, so I don't think you can blame these completly on the finger sucking.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2cias*
DH resorts to hot sauce, which I hate. At lunch today he had his fingers in his mouth and dh threatned to get the hot sauce. When ds didn't take them out, he got it out of the fridge, but never used it b/c ds freaked out and took his fingers out of his mouth and covered his mouth. Then looked at me crying and said 'no sauce mommy, no hot sauce". I glared at dh and just about cried. I'm working on GD myself, and need to get dh in on it too.

Any ideas? I can't take this anymore....

TIA









It's okay, don't feel bad. I don't believe your DH knew any better. Now he knows.

The Hot Sauce Method was common practice back in the day. They did it out of lack of knowledge and thus this "Method" was passed down from generation to generation.

*Now* we know to not use hot sauce. Just let him suck away and give him a big ole hug.

DS does this too and I was just curious if he would stop on his way. So far, we've been letting him suck on his fingers as long as he please. It's a comfort thing.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

My dd who is 12 sucks her thumb. I thought when she started school her freinds would rip her to shreds for it. Nope, didn't happen. Her teeth do have a little overbite but as a pp said, they may have anyway. She will get braces within the next six months and I iamgine at that point her thumb sucking days will be over. For now, we try to encourage her to do it in her room when she is falling asleep. If we catch her during the day, it's not too big a deal. We just throw a reminder at her. There is no threat of hot sauce or other nasty stuff. IMO, it is her body and I don't want to do that to it. I do some things to my body that would be best if I didn't but I would be quite upset if someone tried to stop it in a that defiled my body. Anywho, as she has gotten older, I see her doing it less and less. Life gets busy and there is not enough time to plump a thumb in your mouth. (It was kind of cute when she was a baby







)


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## pumpkin (Apr 8, 2003)

I sucked those same two fingers as a kid. My parents did all sorts of things to make me stop. They only cemented the habit. I did it for stress release and making an issue of it only made me need to do it more. I was in an abusive situation and somehow it helped. They did manage to get me to not do it in front of them, but that is it. I didn't stop until I was a teenager. I did end up needing braces, but I would have needed them anyway since I had to have 8 teeth plus my wisdom teeth pulled because there simply wasn't enough room in my mouth for all my teeth.

Frankly, I would consider letting it go. He will likely stop on his own if you don't make a big deal out of it.


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## colobus237 (Feb 2, 2004)

As a former finger-sucker, I have to add another vote for "forget it."
In my experience, nothing you do will "work" - not punishments, not rewards, not shaming...He will stop when he is ready. And it may be a few more years. If you can't tolerate seeing it, maybe you could discuss with him places and times that finger-sucking could be done without bugging you.
My mom told me that she would take me to Disney World if I would stop sucking my finger (I was six at the time). So, I stopped sucking my finger in front of her. On the plane home from Disney World, I came out of the closet again. My teeth are ok. Even kids who don't suck on their fingers as a comfort thing still put their hands in their mouths and get sick.
Anyway, IMO and IME it's a losing battle and not worth it.


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## frogguruami (Sep 21, 2004)

Can't help you but I can say my son sucks his two middle fingers and he just turned 5. He is very healthy so I am doubtful that the finger sucking is directly related to the illnesses. My son will also put his mouth on ANYTHING and he is still quite healthy. When we pushed him to stop he simply replaced the habit with another one that was worse. We are back to finger sucking now and I'm okay with it. The peds says it is fine and that it won't affect his teeth much until he is older.

You might try replacing his mouth with something else. By that I mean, maybe there is a texture that he likes and he can rub that with his fingers instead of sucking on them. Many kids really like the feel of satin. Maybe when he is sucking on his fingers you can ask him to hold on to and rub the satin.

If sucking his fingers is a sorce of comfort it would be wise to not stress him out while asking him to do something else or it will just make him "need" to suck his fingers more. Maybe ask him try something else when he isn't "past the point" of "needing" them and ease him into a transition.


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## aprildawn (Apr 1, 2004)

subscribing. my DD1 does the same thing. she'll be 4 at the end of May. we've started to talk about when she wants to stop, what will happen when she stops (mommy will paint her fingernails is her motivation at the moment), and i remind her she's doing it when i see her doing it and i ask her if she wants to do something else to keep her hands busy or if she wants to suck. sometimes she chooses to suck, sometimes she chooses another activity.

she says she'll stop when she's 4 so she can have her finger nails painted. we'll see.


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## mommy2cias (Feb 6, 2006)

Thanks again.. I've always been one to let him do things on his own time, so I'm not sure why this is any different. I'll talk to dh about it tonight. He mostly has them in his mouth when he is sick or tired, so it's not an all day constant thing.. Though they are in his mouth now that he is sick. I have been asking him today "are you tired? Is that why you have fingers in your mouth" and sometimes he'll say yes.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *captain crunchy*
I think that honestly, the finger sucking is annoying you more than anything. As far as germs, well, welcome to preschoolers. Welcome to babies, infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and children in general. They are going to put things in their mouth, they are going to pick up germs, they are going to get dirty, and do some pretty gross things, and it is just something to let go of. If anything your son's immune system will become STRONGER by introducing it to germs which his body can build immunity against -- then when the bird flu comes, you won't have to freak. Sort of a joke, but I am serious about the other things...

I would just let it go personally. You are just giving the poor boy a complex, frustrating and stressing him and yourself out, your husband is creating an adversarial relationship and making his son afraid of him (as you pointed out in your OP) and frankly, with that all at stake, I would happily pay for braces -- which you very well may have had to anyway whether he sucked his fingers or not.

*Let the poor child be.* It comforts him and the current methods you and your dh are implimenting aren't doing anything for his comfort level.









: Also, I disagree with the suggestion of using hand sanitizer on his hands- I'd rather have my child consume germs than chemicals. Washing hands before touching something else makes more sense.


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

Another former thumb sucker here. I was 8 when I stopped, and luckily my parents didn't try anything too bad to make me stop. When I started getting teased in school about it my mother used a reward system to help me stop. I remember lying in bed at night awake trying not to suck my thumb. I persevered, so I got to see the Care Bears movie in the theater. The difference was that I was ready to stop - the reward system just helped me get over the hump so to speak.

He'll tell you if he needs help to stop. Otherwise just let it go.


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