# How Do You Night Wean a Comfort Nurser???



## njohnson (Mar 18, 2006)

I need help. I have posted many threads on here about having a crappy sleeper and napper, but I am in desperate need of some help now. I co-sleep with my DS and he is a comfort nurser. He nurses probably 10 times a night, sometimes more, sometimes less. He is 8 months old. He eats solids 3 times a day and nurses probalby 4-5 times throughout the day still but doesn't seem that interested in nursing during the day - he LOVES to nurse at night though. It is obvious to me that it is a comfort thing because I can tell when he is nursing and when he is just sucking, and most of the time it is just sucking (which is an annoying feeling which keeps me awake). Sometimes he will just suck for like 3-5 minutes, then take himself off and go back to sleep. Other times, he will actually nurse for like 15 minutes.

So, I am tired.... literally, sleep deprived, AND tired of the night wakings!!! I have tried letting him cry instead of nursing him. Doesn't work - will cry for 45 minutes and just crawl around the bed. Also, nowadays he wants to be sleeping on me - literally. If he isn't nursing, he is crawling up on top of me to sleep. I don't know what to do anymore!! He does not need to be eating all night long. It isn't that he is hungry, it is his comfort, and I don't want this to continue for much longer! Please help.


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## jgale (Jan 21, 2003)

I haven't read your other posts, so I may not have anything useful to add, but I just wanted to offer some support.

It sounds like this is typical for your son, so probobaly not a teething thing?

My ds was an all-night nurser, though we would have times when he was sleeping more soundly and only nursing 2 or 3 times and briefly. Eventually I nightweaned him (though not until he was 2).

What has been most helpful for me is not a particular strategy but rather a change in mindset. Once I really accepted and believed in my heart that it was okay to set limits around nursing, that the breastfeeding relationship is a negotiated one, I was much more able to make the changes I needed so that we could both get more sleep. I think before that, he sensed my ambivalence.

Of course it took me 2 years and your ds is a lot younger than that. Can your dh help at night? When I was really losing it, I would sleep in the guest room and my ds always did fine with my dh... I had to wear earplugs though!

Good luck and I hope you get some suggestions that help you through this difficult place.

Jessi


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## fireshifter (Sep 2, 2005)

I'm sorry, I have no help but just didn't want to read without replying.

Jen


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

At 8 months it's just not a good idea to nightwean. He's far too young. I would focus on making you more comfortable so that you can sleep through his nursings.










-Angela


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## lara1828 (Aug 11, 2005)

I agree this is probably a bit young to completely night wean.

One thing I did was start refusing if ds1 woke up and wanted to nurse after less than an hour. I had to come up with alternate ways to comfort him and this was _more_ disruptive to sleep for a few nights. By doing this on a regular basis though, I was knew when he was ready to accept these alternate comforts and then completely night wean him in only a few nights.

He was a little older than your ds, so I was able to talk to him about it during the day so he wasn't completely taken by surprise in the middle of the night.

Oh, and I read in a book (after a the fact) that frequent night-waking can be the result of needing pee but falling back asleep before doing it. I'm sure this was the case with my ds because he woke up dry and with a very full bladder most mornings. If you think this is the case, you may want to actually try getting him upright to put pressure on his bladder. Might work









Lara


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

:

loking for soft and nice (as I tell ds) to cut down constant night nureing -- waking more than once an hour all night -- is a 12 month old. not really seeking ot totally night wean -- but a compermise so we ALL get a little more sleep

a


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## njohnson (Mar 18, 2006)

Thanks for the responses so far. To clarify, I am not wanting to totally night wean, just partial. If he wants to wake up 3-4 times a night, no problem, but nursing him almost every hour to hour and a 1/2 is a little ridiculous. I don't feel like he should be waking up 10 or more times a night at 8 months old. And, I really don't want to nurse him for 2 years. I really wanted to be done nursing around a year or so, but that isn't looking like an option anymore. I guess I could try just getting up out of the bed and walking him until he falls back asleep. He isn't a rocker. He needs to be walked. I just don't want to get into the habit of having to walk him 10 times a night, I'd rather nurse him cause I know he'll go back asleep!!! Uh.

Thanks again for the responses, but still looking for advice from anyone in my same situation that has overcome it!!!







:


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## WhaleinGaloshes (Oct 9, 2006)

6-9 months can be a really terrible time for sleeping, you'll see many moms of babies that age posting their frustration with the constant night waking. At 8 months my daughter woke every hour on the hour and I was insane, we "overcame" it but really just by letting it stop on it's own. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear.

I think that weaning may not be your biggest problem; even if he isn't *nursing* 10 times a night I suspect he's going to wake up anyway and probably be that much harder to get back to sleep.

My daughter is night-weaned although she wasn't until after her 1st birthday; we used the advice by Dr. Gordon and it worked well. You'll find that he also does not recommend trying during the first year, but there it is anyway.

My advice for now is to do whatever gets everyone back to sleep fastest. As you said in your follow-up, I think you'll need to be prepared a struggle and for him to wake up anyway, nursing or not, and need help getting back to sleep (i.e. the cure might be worse than the disease in this case.)

Also, try not to worry about what will happen when he's 2 (or even 1.) A lot of changes are just around the corner and he'll be in a much different place then.


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## turtlemama77 (Jul 29, 2005)

We went through that kind of thing when dd was around that age. I have to tell you (and you won't like it), the easiest thing is probably to just ride it out. My dd was waking up about a billion times at night. I wasn't willing to let her cry because I felt that she had a real need to nurse (especially since she was so distractable during the day...too busy to nurse!). It got significantly better after she was around 12-13 months old. She still wasn't sleeping through the night, but she was only waking maybe 2-3 times around then. It was a crummy 4-5 months, but it did pass. I got through it by finding ways to cope. I put dh in charge in the early evenings and took naps, napped with dd during the day, tried to sleep in on the weekends, things like that.

I would guess that if your ds is super busy during the day, he is getting significant amounts of nutrition at night from nursing, even if it seems that he's only nursing for a few minutes. Maybe try nursing before you give him solids during the day, and just offer a LOT during the day. Will he settle down in the evening, maybe you could camp out with him in a comfy chair and encourage him to cluster feed?

There's so much going on developmentally at this age...it really causes nightwaking to the extreme in some babes. Are you treating for teething too? I think teething pain is sometimes underestimated.

Hang in there...it does get better!


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## WhaleinGaloshes (Oct 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *njohnson* 
I don't feel like he should be waking up 10 or more times a night at 8 months old.

I'm not trying to be tough on you at all, but would like to point out that even though you don't feel like he should wake that frequently, it's incredibly common at that age. Really, people post laments about it all the time. Babies his age are dealing with separation anxiety, teething, learning to crawl/stand/walk etc. all at once. It translates into tons of nightwaking, even in babies who slept soundly when they were younger.

It's really hard to deal with and I hear your fatigue and frustration. I hope it gets better soon.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

I know the 'p' word is verboten around here - but have you tried a pacifier? I sometimes bring that to bed with us if DS is kicky and sucky (so it's just hard to nurse him). .







:


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## musemor (Mar 19, 2004)

We went through this kind of nightwaking and comfort sucking, too, when J was about six months old. It took me six weeks of never getting more than 90 minutes in a row until my proverbial rope was frayed enough that I had to do something about it. I ended up doing the walk/rock technique, not in an effort to nightwean, but in an effort to distinguish between when J was actually hungry and when she just needed comfort or help getting back to sleep. If it had been less than three hours since a good feeding, I would walk/rock first to get her back to sleep. Sometimes it wouldn't work because she was actually hungry, and then I'd nurse her. If it had been more than three hours, I'd nurse her automatically. It was just as disruptive to sleep at first, but it was still easier for me to handle because I had a PLAN...plus I was getting to the point where the nursing was emotionally exhausting and I started to really resent it. It was great for my mental health to have another option than the boob. It only took a few nights before J cut way down on her non-hungry wakeups. Her sleep quickly consolidated so that I was getting 3-4 hour chunks instead of 45-90 minute chunks. HUGE difference, and I have to say that the extra sleep was much healthier for her, too. She was a lot happier during the day when she was getting longer blocks of sleep.

J is nine months now and I don't use this technique anymore. I feed her every time she wakes up, which ranges from 0-3 times a night, because I know that she can put herself back to sleep unless she actually needs to nurse.

Have you thought about maybe cutting back on the solids a little bit (like maybe to 1-2 meals instead of 3) to get him to nurse more during the day? I've noticed that the amount of hindmilk J gets right before bed really impacts how long she sleeps, and if I feed her a solid meal too close to bedtime, she doesn't nurse as long so she doesn't get the good stuff.

Good luck! Sleep deprivation is so difficult.


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