# Deciding how many children . . .



## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Thanks for voting/replying!


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## tracyhos (Aug 27, 2005)

Well, we are done. It was a mutual decision between DH and I. If we have more, we will need a bigger house, I would have to back to work, etc. Plus, I don't know that I could handle another pregnancy. A twin pregnancy (and early delivery) and a suprise conception a little over a year later, has done me in emotionally (scared of another preemie birth) and physically (I am exhausted).

Now if we won the lotto or something... I would buy a big huge house and adopt a couple more kiddos. I have plenty of love to give!


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## Marco Esquandolas (Feb 4, 2003)

I voted partner's preference. I seriously think I could be quiverful. He could not. We're done with three, and just to accentuate that point-dh took medical measures while I was pg w/#3 to ensure we had no more. He regrets that move now. We both do agree that finances come into play, as does our environmental impact of having a large family.


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## ~Scapegoat~ (Jul 30, 2004)

I have always wanted 4 or more kids, Dh and I discussed this before we were married so we were on the same page. Adoption is something that we will look into closer when the monies are right.


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## Penelope (Jul 22, 2003)

I checked finances and time, but exhaustion is really more a factor than time! I'm in graduate school and while I work my tail off to put my kids first (I have always had very little childcare, for example, and try as much as possible to work when my kids are sleeping) I just can't imagine having one more little person to care for. Two is sometimes *so* overwhelming - I don't know how other mamas with bigger families do it!

I'm lucky in that my partner and I are on the same page with this.


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## Verity (Aug 29, 2003)

My age and dh's age (I didn't meet dh until I was 27, didn't marry him until I was 30; dh is five years older than I am) and desired spacing between kids (I didn't want them closer than 3 years apart) definitely influenced our decision, along with finances and time we could spend with each child.


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

dhs preference and finances won this one. (checked for dh)

If we were to have a third it would mean bigger house, car and two paychecks. I prefer to stay home with the kids so for us to have another (on purpous) wouldnt be fair to that child IMO


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

I used to want 4 kids, but now that I have two my mind has changed. I want just one more. Three is the most I think I can handle and still give each one the attention I want to give them. Plus, we're homeschooling, and I don't think I would do well trying to homeschool more than three kids.

Dh, however, isn't sure he wants more than two. He is worried about our ages (he is 41, I am 35) and our finances (he wants to be sure we can provide college tuition for each of our kids).


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## Owen'nZoe (Sep 7, 2005)

Concern about overpopulation here. I think I would really love 3, but am chosing to limit our family to 2 kids. I know that 1 would be better from that standpoint, but I really want DS to have a sibling.


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## pfamilygal (Feb 28, 2005)

We are trusting God with the size of our family. I'm not sure we are quiverfull, but neither of us believe God is done with us yet.


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

Mostly my body...my last delivery totally sucked, but we had decided before I delivered that he was my last too for financial reasons (he was a suprise as it is!)


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## BabyOsMommy (Jul 1, 2003)

I checked finances, dh and time. Dh knew he was done about a week after ds #2 was born and hasn't waivered since. Money is tight with me home. But mostly in my heart I'm realizing I'm done for myself more and more. I'm exhausted. There was a time where I really wanted another one and dh didn't and it took me a bit and a few posts here to come to terms with that. Now, as ds is getting older and I'm seeing how much easier it will be without a baby in the house I realize that I really don't have anything left for me, let alone another baby. So it's becoming more and more mutual with time.

Sigh. I am still mourning the loss of the idea of another one and that part of my life being over.
and cranky and another baby would send me over the edge.


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## PrettyBird (Jun 19, 2005)

I checked finances and time. We are not sure how many children we want to have yet, but the decision to have another child will always depend on how well we are able to provide for another and our ability to devote the time/energy to the child.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

I voted partner's preferences. There's a good chance this is it for us, although we may go for #4 at some point.

I'd love to be quiverfull but dh wouldn't. And really- to be practical I have to remember that dh is 18 years older than I.


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## Trishy (Oct 15, 2002)

I voted other. I have 3 children, 2 at home and do not want anymore. I'm sure that if I were to have another baby I could afford it and we would have time for her/him but I am tired and just don't want to have anymore babies.


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## tinuviel_k (Apr 29, 2004)

I posted in "other." There are so many children being born into the world (and I am a big environmentalist), so DH and decided that we only want one biological child. We're open to adopting if we want more.


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## polka123 (Nov 27, 2003)

I did other because:

while in my 20s/30s, I was a single Mama & wanted more kids but finances & time (was woking all the time) were the issues.

Now... in my 40s, its my body making the decision








Had I met DH when I was 35, I would have 3 more by now


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I voted for "body not cooperating" "partner/marital status" and "other."

In my case, "body not cooperating" means that my body didn't cooperate with AVOIDING pregnancy!

I may never have more children, even if I do marry again. I just don't know if I can physically handle another pregnancy and caring for another baby. It's not about fertility- it's about accepting my own limitations and actively avoiding pregnancy if it's not wise for me.


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## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

"Body not cooperating"

We wanted one more, and I really, really, really thought it would happen. It's hard for me to get my mind around people planning how many children they'll have, and what spacing they'll choose--from here it just seems so far out of anyone's control.


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## 2much2luv (Jan 12, 2003)

Finances and other. The other is for stress level. I love my kids, I love having kids, but parenting is so stressful lots of days. I don't know if I'd want to add anymore to that.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

I'm the OP-- here are my picks . . .

(1) Finances. I will have to go back to work eventually because if not, no clue as to what'll happen during my golden/olden years.

(2) Time. My first daughter is the equivalent of 2 children. At the age of almost 4, she still needs me non-stop. Honestly, I think it's just her personality. I need endless time for her (and our 2nd DD) as well as just to get things done around the house. I am getting burnt out with 2 kids. Or rather, the one very demanding 4 y.o.

(3) Partner. My DH is pretty set on just 2. So, even if I wanted 3, I don't think he would.

Older child yelling for me. Must go.


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Marital/partner status- I'm single with no man in sight.
Other- AGE. I'll be 39 in January. I would want to have 1 more before 41.

Plus, I had such a high risk pregnancy and then a preterm birth/botched c-section that I'm a bit terrified to do it all again. heh.

I do wish I could give ds a sibling though.


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## mrzmeg (Jul 16, 2002)

Finances; Time; Religion/Culture; and Other: belief in the benefit of zero population growth. The zero pop growth bit is the primary reason.


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## MrsMoe (May 17, 2005)

I voted:

Finances
Time
Your Partner's Preferences


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## sarahmae1 (Nov 11, 2002)

I voted other. I have always wanted four kids, and hope to have them all! Money doesn't really influence our choice to have more children, I started young so I have plenty of time, and dh well he sometimes says he doesn't want more but he agreed to have four before we were married. He knows how much it means to me and I do most of the 'work' anyway. Anyway, as you can see we have two so far and plan on having two more!


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## FreeThinkinMama (Aug 3, 2004)

Mainly our infertility issues and finances keep us from having 3-4 children or more like we had dreamed of. Most likely we will be lucky (and grateful btw) to have 2 children.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I was single, 18, and I had two kids under 5. Oh and I was also poor. That was pretty much it. I was just done.


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## kayjayjay (Jul 15, 2003)

I checked finances, partner's preference, and time. I should also have checked other as well, because age is soon going to be a deciding factor. I always wanted 4 children and DH has agreed to that, but right now I'm just too busy, tired, crazy, with 3 to think about being pg again. We just might be done, and I think I'm ok with that.


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## Boadicea (Mar 28, 2004)

I voted "other".

While DH is not too hip on the idea of having more children, I couldn't honestly say that he is the reason we will only be having two. And while finances are prohibitive at this point, it's just a rough patch, and not the main reason, either. Honestly, it's me. As one of the PP mentioned, a lot of it has to do with my stress level. I love my children, and I love being a mom. But I am mostly a single parent -- DH is away from home for five days out of every eight, and works two additional jobs on the days he is home. So I have all of the responsibility of parenting two small children. And DS (4) is a very spirited, demanding child. Actually, so is DD (2), but she pales in comparison to her brother. I don't seem to have those kind of children that are happy to entertain themselves, play quietly, be alone (for even five minutes), etc. I do not have the emotional or physical energy to raise more children.

Plus, I haven't slept for more than two hours at a time for more than about six hours a night for the the last two plus years. I am a person who NEEDS sleep. I have battled chronic illness in the past, and while I am currently in remission, the less sleep I get, the more I can feel my old symptoms creeping back. I can't add another infant to that mix -- I don't think I could be any kind of decent parent while battling illness and sleep deprivation beyond that which I am already dealing with.

There's also the issue of my personal space, my personal life, my personal goals. Yes, I adore being a mother. Yes, I chose to have these children and give up my career so that I could raise them in a manner that I (and DH) feel is most beneficial to them. However, I'd like to take a shower by myself again eventually, ya know?!?







I'd like to read an entire book in less than nine months. I'd like to be able to listen to the music *I* choose without someone SCREAMING through it. I'd like to pursue a path in life beyond motherhood, something that fulfills the other parts of me that motherhood doesn't.

The environmental impact is also a factor for me, though not as much as the above reasons. Does that make me a bad crunchy mama, that the environmental impact is last on my list?!?


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Finances, Time, and "other". Other meaning that two kids with special needs is enough for us. They are both mostly past their issues now, but I cannot do it again. It was stressful on our marriage. Other also means I cannot deal with another bedrest pg, PPD, and breast infections/oversupply issues. I don't do well with pain and don't want to bring that on myself again.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

I checked partner's preferences. Anything else -- finances, time, stress -- we could work out, but our relationship depends on taking each other's feelings into account.


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## SKK (Apr 9, 2005)

i would have #3 no question if it wasnt likely that I'd have to have another c/s







I feel so broken after 2 of them, I feel like a third one would just turn me into a broken old woman - if it didnt kill me first!


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

I checked time and finances. I feel like we can handle the time and money factors of the babies we have without any lifestyle changes. Another child would change things and I am very happy the way they are.

But I know I physically, mentally and emotionally could not handle another pregnancy. I was content with one child, dh wanted another more than I did. We tried for a long time for dd and I had sort of come to terms with only having one. I was quite surprised when I realized I was pg and it took some getting used to. I had a rough pregnancy, it was physically very hard on me and I feel that I was a lousy mom during those 9 months. I can't put ds through that again. I had another scary delivery and dh and I both decided that it was to scary to go through that again. I told him he is more than welcome to have more kids, I'm not birthing them though







He's happy with two and so am I.

Plus, you know, we have a boy and a girl so we can stop now





















I can't tell you how many times I've heard that in the last 3 months. Buttheads.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

Mothering isn't really my "thing"... don't get me wrong, I love my kid to pieces, but the mom gig is NOT second nature to me like it is to some women. I didn't experience this mystic sense of fulfillment as a woman in the delivery room; I did experience a profound sense of confusion. "Who is this scrawny person, and what does he want?"

I musta missed part of my X chromosome or something.









DH wants to be done by the time he's forty, which means we've got 3 and a half years to add another kid or not.

I worry about overpopulation and feel like there are generally enough other people on earth running around and pissing each other off-- not sure I need to add a whooole bunch of my own kids to the already-crazy genetic soup.

AND there are some genetic abnormality factors with me and the H, too.

Lots and lots of reasons. These decisions tend to be complicated.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I voted body not cooperating. I didn't realize I could vote more than once or I'd have picked finances, too. We are adopting through the foster care system so it won't cost us much to increase our family but it will be a factor in how large our family will eventually become.


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## Penelope (Jul 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SKK*
i would have #3 no question if it wasnt likely that I'd have to have another c/s







I feel so broken after 2 of them, I feel like a third one would just turn me into a broken old woman - if it didnt kill me first!




















Dd was vaginal, but ds (my younger) was a C-section, and although it was easier for me than for anyone I've ever met - I cannot do it again. It was very difficult. If I ever get to wanting more I know that will hold me back. (That, and dh has been sterilized.)


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I voted religion/culture.

We are leaving our fertility in God's hand.....whether that mean we have the three we have or a housefull of children.


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## FitMama (Jul 20, 2003)

Partner preference.

He's done with two. Sucks for me. I absolutely love giving birth, caring for a newborn, BFing etc. Not too keen on being PG, but the baby makes up for it.

But DH does not want anymore. Period.


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## Crunchier (Jun 26, 2003)

I voted for time, but I think I meant it a little differently than most. My biggest concern is spacing. I want all of my kids 3-4 years apart. I think if I can manage that spacing, then # of kids isn't really an issue. I'm 29 now, so I figure that we can probably have 4-5 kids before my fertile years are up. Before we were married, I wanted 4, so that works out well for us.

DH wants no more than 3, but has agreed to take it one at a time. We don't use hormonal BC (totally doesn't agree with me) and think that sterilization is not a good choice, so there will never really be "we are really permanently finished" for us till nature takes care of it. We have also discussed adoption if we get to the end of our fertility (which I thought I had, before each of my pregnancies) and feel that we are not done yet.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

I voted for all of them except "body not cooperating.."

I take a lot of things into account when making a decision as big as this. But most of all I take into account what simply _feels_ right to me and dh.


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## Red (Feb 6, 2002)

Either I burnedto have another,or Ididn't. After we decided to try for 'one more' and had twins, making it #4 and 5(!), we decided to be done!

I love toddlers andwouldn't mind havng a houseful. Dh feels otherwise. Then there's our ages(OLD) and the fact that the last pregnancy nearly killed me.....I'm SOOOOOOOOOO DOne!


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Joan*
"Body not cooperating"

We wanted one more, and I really, really, really thought it would happen. It's hard for me to get my mind around people planning how many children they'll have, and what spacing they'll choose--from here it just seems so far out of anyone's control.

The same for this Joan.

We would have one more by now if I had complete control over it.

I'm sad because it isn't in my control and the baby part of my life may be over. Yet, I am a little conflicted, because in many ways, life is easier with 2 'children' as opposed to toddlers. Not that I didn't love that stage...


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## FancyD (Apr 22, 2005)

I voted other- I never planned on children and DS's birth went soooo wrong that I AM DONE.


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## 2much2luv (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

Plus, I haven't slept for more than two hours at a time for more than about six hours a night for the the last two plus years.
I so hear ya, mama. 'Cept make that 5 years.


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## KnitterMama (Mar 31, 2005)

I want 873 kids, DH wants .... two.









I think we're compromising on 3, but we haven't quite gotten there yet ... we're still on #1 and don't plan to have another for a couple years at least.


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## twindaze (Aug 13, 2002)

I chose "other." I couldn't conceive, it took me 3 years to get pregant from IVF. We originally wanted 2 or 3 (dh said 2, I said maybe 3.) Well, it turned out that IVF was REALLY effective for me. From one attempt I became pregnant with one child and had 10 frozen embryos. After two more frozen cycles I have a set of twins and another single baby for a total of 4. AND I still have 2 more embryos left. So the story may not yet be told all the way.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Just wanted to thank everyone for posting. I know this is an emotional topic for many of us.


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## My Tiny Dancer (May 12, 2004)

I voted Other. We're just kinda going with the flow. We have one now, we may or may not have another. I would like another, but now might not be the time. Maybe later on we will have 3 more for all we know. And I am certainly not against having another even 10 years from now.


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## Sweeney (Sep 8, 2003)

I said time, partners preference and other.

Time b/c when I'm pregnant I find it really hard to be the mama I want to be. I also have really begun to look forward to having some of my body and mind back. Maybe it's because DS and this babe-still-in-me were very unplanned, and I've always thought myself such an intellectual person, but it's hard for me that I can't concentrate the way I used to.

Partners preference- DH is an only child and wants many children. When DS was born he kept asking when we could have another







Between my issues (see below) and his desires we've compromised at 2-3.

My other is that I grew up in a family of four children and it was a really bad experience. So I've always known that I would not deliberately seek out to have 4 kids.


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## SKK (Apr 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Penelope*










Thanks!

You know, my c-sections were not even "bad" as c-sections go. The first was a breeze, after 60 hours of labor, and I healed quickly. The second was a little more difficult (lots of scar tissue and a nicked bladder, with a catheter for a week afterwards, just in case...) after a 50-hour labor. I've also healed quickly this time. Just knowing that the scar tissue increases each time, and each operation is a little more difficult and risky than the last one, it scares me.

FWIW, I would vbac again, but even if I could find a hc provider to assist me, would a vaginal birth really happen for me? I've had ample time and education both times so far and it hasn't yet... Not that the probable c-section will ultimately deter me if I decide next year to ttc #3. It's just a big negative factor to consider.


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## nicole lisa (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eightyferrettoes*
I didn't experience this mystic sense of fulfillment as a woman in the delivery room; I did experience a profound sense of confusion. "Who is this scrawny person, and what does he want?"









:

I voted other. I HATED being pregnant and my pregnancy was fine - very little sickness. But I felt my body wasn't mine (control over my own body is huge for me and I felt I was taken over, lol) and near the end resented having my movements limited. BF and I are huge walkers and hikers and I hated being unable to walk for 2 hours at night, like we did when I wasn't pregnant, because I had to pee every two feet.

I am also not a baby person. Give me kids who can talk and hang out. I love kids, babies bore me. (did I just say that out loud?) I couldn't even imagine going back to zero sleep, colic, diapers, teething etc.

Thankfully BF and I were on the same page with this immediately after DS' birth - we originally thought we'd have 2 - and he had a vasectomy just before DS turned 2.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

For us it was mostly financial and the fact that I just didn't want to be pregnant, go through labor, and care for an infant again.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Partner's preference and my body not co-operating. I've had several years of difficulty conceiving, three miscarriages and three unwanted cesareans. DH doesn't want to go through another pregnancy like my last one, as I was an emotional basketcase and suffered from first trimester nightmares about c-sections. So...he doesn't want more. I still want my four...just one more...


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I want as many children as the universe will give me and while I will use FAM to avoid during DS's first year, I pretty much want to just let things happen as they will. The last trimester of being pregnant is really hard on me but I would do it again a hundred times if I could. The baby really makes up for it.


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## mogit (May 4, 2004)

I voted Time, Marital Status, and Other. I am a single mother of two, ages 4 and 1, and though I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have more, I know I couldn't handle any more on my own. Like a PP, I have chronic health problems, and I really am not getting enough sleep to stay well. Besides, I don't know how I would manage the extra cooking, laundry, and driving that a third child would entail. So unless I marry (which doesn't seem very likely at this point, given that I have no time or energy left over for anyone but my children) I will probably have to stop at two (can't bring myself to say "definitely"!)

My final reason may sound silly to those of you who have had difficult pregnancies and/or labor, but... I really don't think I could go through the stress of another Guatemalan adoption. The endless, nit-picky paperwork and scrutiny by others; the long wait for a referral and the even more agonizing wait for the child to come home; the helplessness of being at the mercy of petty, obstructionist officials; the feeling that YOUR CHILD is there, in another country, and you CAN"T HAVE HIM/HER for weeks or months or maybe even ever because there is no telling how much longer this will go on... Oh, please do not tell me that I got my children "the easy way"!


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## twindaze (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mogit*
My final reason may sound silly to those of you who have had difficult pregnancies and/or labor, but... I really don't think I could go through the stress of another Guatemalan adoption. The endless, nit-picky paperwork and scrutiny by others; the long wait for a referral and the even more agonizing wait for the child to come home; the helplessness of being at the mercy of petty, obstructionist officials; the feeling that YOUR CHILD is there, in another country, and you CAN"T HAVE HIM/HER for weeks or months or maybe even ever because there is no telling how much longer this will go on... Oh, please do not tell me that I got my children "the easy way"!

I'd never tell you that! I personally think that adoption is the HARD WAY. Maybe no physical pain, but the emotional toll, all the work and all the money! I considered and looked into adoption during my infertility journey.


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

I voted "other" because it isnt "exactly"any of those things.
We could have another child and not be any worse off financially than when I had ds1. But It would be longer until our youngest is in school full time so I can start earning some retirement/college/vacation money.
Our home could be arranged to accommodate one more (especially if that one more was a girl)
Dh wouldnt want any more, he alredy thinks we have a 'bonus baby' because I had twins. But if I really felt I wanted more I could convince him. (the same way I decided when it was time to conceive our first).
Pregnancy does make me tired and I have 4 children to take care of so that is a little factor too.
But the truth is that none of these things would have stopped me if I didnt just feel done. There are no more dream babies out there waiting to be conceived. We have two girls and two boys so there isnt a secret wish for a child of a particular gender.
I even have 2 blue eyeds, a blonde, a brunette and 2 redheads.
We have basically covered all of the bases.
My baby hunger hormones dont even seem to be functioning anymore (but who knows, my youngest are only 2)
And of course the last and final reason is that when my twins were born we decided then and there we were done and DH had certain things taken care of 6 weeks later.

Joline


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## rgarlough (Jul 18, 2002)

I voted for "body not cooperating" "finances" and "time" in that order









Dh is the body not cooperating. He is on meds for Ulcerative Colitis and his sperm just aren't right because of it. We'll never get pregnant again with him on them







: He's not willing to get off of them, suffer from a relapse, so we can get pg again









Secondly, since we're just not financially independent yet, I still need to work FT which leaves little $ for another in daycare. I do have some $ in savings for my next maternity leave since I would love to stay home again for the first year. But having 2 in FT daycare would cost us $410/week which just isn't in our budget if we want to stick to our goal of buying a place in the country in 8 years.

Third is time which we never do have enough of really. With ds being a high needs child, I need him a bit more 'ready' to share mom with another sibling.

I am lucky in the sense that we do have a 'large' family if you consider dh's 2 kids but I do not feel fulfilled yet if that makes sense. I would love to have 4 of my own eventually Dh just turned 37 and he's not too excited about being an 'old' dad but he's just going to have to deal with it! Our wonderful daycare provider is 45, just having her 3rd and her partner is 68!!! This is his 2nd child. He waited until he was 65 to start a family


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## PennyRoo (Dec 7, 2004)

I voted finances. I know there have been some heated discussions on this board in the past about whether babies actually cost money or not. In our case, since I work, we would have to factor in the prohibitive cost of 2 kids in day care (we currently have just one child. It is also NOT an option, unfortunately, for me to SAH). DD is in day care 3 days a week (DH and I stagger our schedules, each of us working 4 days a week to minimize her time in day care) and the cost of that is a big burden on us as it is. We are planning to TTC #2 at some point soon, in the hopes that somehow on a wing and a prayer our finances will come together (!!) and we will either figure out the day care thing or, better yet, figure out a way for me to stay home. I am 35 and do not feel I have tons of time to wait, so I'm willing to take a little gamble in this regard and TTC again before we're 100% "ready" on the finances front. I also try to be as environmentally conscious as possible, and from that standpoint do not feel comfortable having more than 2 kids. I feel stopping at one is more compatible with my environmental beliefs, but I also feel our family is somehow incomplete without that second child I believe we were meant to have.







to the mamas whose bodies are not cooperating. I can't imagine how hard that must be.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rgarlough*
Dh just turned 37 and he's not too excited about being an 'old' dad but he's just going to have to deal with it!









My dh is 43 now and will be 44 right after #3 is born. IF we do go for #4 he'll be 46-47 when we finish having kids.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mogit*
Oh, please do not tell me that I got my children "the easy way"!

My goodness! Do people actually say or THINK this??? That is beyond ridiculous!


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I voted "other." I think I'm done after two. I am not a patient person by nature and *really* have to work at being patient with little ones, so I think two is all my sanity can handle! I realize that sounds bad, but my kids would never know I'm impatient by nature







It's mostly an inside struggle.

We *may* have one more, but we're having issues about that. DP REALLY wants another, but he wants to wait about 4-5 years. I would be okay with having another, but if we did, I would want it to be in the next 2 years or so. I don't want another huge age gap between children. So I don't know what our decision will be.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

To explain my choice of other:

My age is also a factor. To have more than 2 or possibly 3, I would be pretty old when the later kids were born, because I didn't have my first till I was almost 30. I don't believe in spacing them too close.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I chose time and finances.

I think 3 is a good number for us. I wish I had more time and energy as it is. Another baby would just spread me too thin. Like a pp said patience is another factor. I need more of that









Money is also an issue as we would need a bigger vehicle and home.

My body needs a break! I've been pregnant/nursing for the past 5 1/2 yrs and I'm tired.









If our situation changes in the future I would consider a 4th child but for now we are happy with the 3 we have.


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## mogit (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mizelenius*
My goodness! Do people actually say or THINK this??? That is beyond ridiculous!


Yes, plenty of people have told me that when I adopted, I got my children "the easy way." Thank you, Mizelenius and Twindaze for your understanding!


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

I want a third badly. But I am tired. Tired tired tired. And while I have no problem conceiving, and can't really complain about pregnancy and birth, my body doesn't do well postpartum. Both times I have had horrible recoveries - bleeding, thyroid issues, allergies, eczema, etc.

But even that I would go through again for another baby. I just don't know if I can do another 4 years of baby/toddlerhood.


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## suziek (Jun 4, 2004)

We have three five and under and are expecting this summer. We are done. I would like to have one more, but I am almost 39 and DH is 41--I checked body not cooperating because I think that while age isn't slowing us down at this end it may at the other. DH also is quite sure he's done. With this pregnancy I feel completely full and statisfied, like the luckiest woman on earth. I just hope all goes well with the pregnancy.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mogit*
Yes, plenty of people have told me that when I adopted, I got my children "the easy way." Thank you, Mizelenius and Twindaze for your understanding!

My babies have all been c-sections (another "easy way", you know) and I hated it, hated it, hated it. That said...I'd rather go through that surgery a dozen times than have to deal with all the bureaucratic crap involved in adoption. There's no way that adoption is the easy way. There is no easy way. But, kids are worth the hard work.


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## mogit (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
There's no way that adoption is the easy way. There is no easy way. But, kids are worth the hard work.

Very well put. You've given me the perfect response to That Remark.


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## beanandpumpkin (Jan 2, 2005)

Time, my husband's preference, and my own patience level/sleep deprivation/feelings of chaos and lack of control.

We only have two now, and while I could possibly foresee a third at some point, right now things are just too hectic. I really don't know how mamas of bigger families do it... I know that I'm not capable of having a large family, happy kids, a clean (or even just sanitary, LOL) house, etc etc etc all at once. My husband also wants to stop at 2, so for now at least, we're done.


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

I voted finances, time, partner preference, partner status.

DH and I are not what I would describe as a "perfect match" for one another. However, we are both committed to staying married and working it out. We currently have one child and DH only wants two. I've gone back and forth on the issue myself and I had to realize that financially we would be able to adequately provide for two. I work full time, and I want to make the most out of my non-work hours with my kid(s), and the more kids I have the less time I will have to spend with each of them (this was a huge issue in my family of five kids).

Anyway, because we are not a "perfect match" we have some relationship issues that really need to be worked out. DH is currently working 7 days a week at a start-up business, so this is not the right time to expand our family.

DH is also 16 years older than I am, and we want to be done with kids by the time he's 47 or 48, so we only have 3.5 years left to complete our family, and I'm not a big believer in having kids too close together.


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## zaksma (Mar 18, 2005)

I voted "other"- my dh works out of town Mon-Fri (and moany time for 2 weesk straight) so that puts me at home alone with my children from 5-12 days alone and that is hard on a mama. Plus, with each subsequent pregnancy, it has been harder and harder on my body.


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## k'smami (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2much2luv*
Finances and other. The other is for stress level. I love my kids, I love having kids, but parenting is so stressful lots of days. I don't know if I'd want to add anymore to that.

This is me too.


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## ms65442 (Dec 21, 2005)

Energy level/stress count as "other" for me. I also voted "time."

I have 1 ds, am ttc #2. Sometimes I get this crazy idea I want 5,6,7 kids, and we'll just keep going! I'm 26 so we have the time, and we're financially able, if we choose to.

Then I wake up!

We definately want 1 more, I think we'll end up at 4. Maybe 3. I dunno!

-Michelle


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

I voted for time. For me, that is what is most important, how much time and attention I can devote to dd, while being the type of parent I want to be, and having the relationship I enjoy with her. Right now, we are thinking of not having more, but if we do, it won't be for much later, b/c of the time choice. Off to read the other replies now


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

We have several reasons...we're hoping for one more in a few years, but not hanging our whole life on that hope, kwim? We'd be fine with just DS.

1) Finances, I want to be a SAHM and HS my child(ren), that wouldn't be possible if we had more than 2 (and still live the lifestyle we like to life, nothing against frugal, I'm sure I could adapt, but I like having disposable income)

2) Body not cooperating, we have MFI issues that may or may not be able to be fixed again DS was a miracle. We won't spend the $$ on ART.

3) OTher- Health issues. DH is T1 diabetic and begining to suffer the health issues that come along with being T1 diabetic.


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## greenmansions (Feb 16, 2005)

I voted finances, time and other.

Finances - I want to stay home as long as I can, and don't plan to return to a full time job ever. Even when my kids are in school, they get out at 2:00, and summers are off. I want to be around, know what they're up to, spend time with them. To manage this at all comfortably from a financial perspective, we won't be having anymore kids after our second arrives in February.

Time - I like a little time for myself, even if it's just surfing MDC in the evenings, and I want to be able to give each of my kids as much attention as possible. Can't see how to do that with more than 2, and I expect 2 will be enough of a challenge in this aspect. And my DH at some point will want more of my time, right now he is happy being second fiddle to babies but that can't last forever. (And I don't want it to either.)

Other - We are in our early 40's and think that is old enough to be parenting small children. Would be nice to be able to retire in our 60's and enjoy it.

We also are proponents of zero population growth and are concerned about the environmental impact of having any kids, so we are stopping now.


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## LadyMarmalade (May 22, 2005)

Finances









If we won lotto I guarantee I'd be pregnant within a very short time.


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## ComfyCozy (Dec 7, 2005)

At 29 we have 5 kids under 9. We definitely want more, but we have something of a space issue, with only 1200 sq.ft. Next on the agenda is "bigger house". This will give my body some recuperative time, as my 5th pregnancy was the only one which did not end up with catastrophe or bedrest. I just don't carry well. We also homeschool, and it's hard for the kids to have out-of-the-house experiences when Mom is sick, on bedrest, almost on bedrest, or dealing with a newborn. So with hopefully 15 years left for childbearing, we would like to space out the next 2-3 children we hope to have.

CC


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

When we first talked about kids, DH and I said two, then it was two, unless we have two girls or two boys and then we'll go to three (we really do want one of each gender). Now we've revised our "plan" We have our DD, plan on conceiving one more and then adopting one, possibly two children (hope to adopt infants so I can nurse).

Finances are a factor for the adoptions (one or two, but we're going to try our darnedest to adopt). Personal preference are a big factor (I've always wanted at least two) but we don't want a super-huge family. Time not so much since we're both young, but I do want each of my children to have their babyhood to themselves ( nursing, diapers, extreme mama-baby attachment), if that makes sense.


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