# Lord, give me patience.....



## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Well, here is a little update on the Moore Family......

So, most of you know that dh refuses to talk about having another baby. he said he would rather adopt because he doesn't want to go through another pregnancy. I've doing some research and it seems that it will be hard since we are able to have our own children and it will probably be too costly for us....

Anyhoo, I told dh we wouldn't talk about it for another 6 months. After that I'm going to bring it up again. He said that the last 3 months of pg and the first 3 months of Tracy were horrible. I wasn't myself, I was slower, wanted to do nothing..... While I could get irrate at these objections I sat back and thought about things. I didn't feel like i wasn't myself, but it is true that I was slow moving and didn't want to move. Why was I like this? We were a very hyperactive couple. We were NEVER home NEVER sitting still. I was a good 180 pounds when I got pg. I was slower moving because of my weight then I got pg and gained another 48 pounds. I was tired from working full time and just plain worn out from growing a baby 24/7! I had a c/s with ds so recovery was a lot longer than expected.

So, I'm compiling a list as to why it will be different if we have another baby.
1. I will be so much smaller before pg...I'm already 16 pounds liighter than I was then.
2. I'm not working full time. Yes, I'll have ds but I don't expect it to be the same. it might actually be worse...but dh will be older too.
3. We wanted them close in age...we're running out of time for that one.
4. I will NOT have a c/s...at least i hope I won't.

So, right now I have to have patience to not bring it up. i find it very very hard. We were in a store and they had "I'm the Big Brother" t-shirts. i looked at my friend and said, "Tracy needs one of these!" Dh was in the store..and I didn't know it. So, I had to try and joke my way out of it. I don't think he bought it though







: He still is saying NO! I'm hoping that once we;'re out of the trenches he'll see things different. I think once Tracy is sleeping through the night...if he EVER DOES!!!...he'll see things different. Right now this is the only complint we have about parenthood.

So, help encourage me to have patience with my dh....I would love to have accountability partners to help me with this!


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Well, my first thoughts is -- "how dare he!" Those first couple months are very special. Of course you are not yourself. Of course you move slow. So what if it is hard on him -- that is his problem to deal with as a new Daddy. Geesh. How dare you make you the "reason" he doesn't want to have more babies. No fair!

OTOH -- it is not a good idea to have another baby before he is ready. My dh gave all the same reasons for not having a 2nd for a long while. It made me feel worthless and guilty and angry. But then one day, he was ready. He suggested it, he initiated it, and now ds is *his* idea and his beloved baby. And I'm *so* glad our family is not something I pushed him into.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

That is exactly while I'm not pushing the issue right now. I do not want to talk him into it or guilt him into it. I cannot change how I feel and I cannot change how he feels. So, I wait. Afterall....I prayed day and night for an oops to happen so we'd have a baby...and vwala!! We have ds!

Secretly I see myself getting pg around April 19.......this is why:

married march 3 2001...conceived ds Aug 5 2001 (Almost 5 months to the day)

Ds born April 26th...conceived Sweetpea October 26-30 (Almost 5 mhts to day)

lost Sweeptpeal Nov 19.....April 19th will be 5 months to the day

Just an idea but one to hope for!!


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I don't know...why don't you take some time to take extra good care of yourself?? Maybe take some yoga or take on some healthy hobbies that will help this next pregnancy be easier on you...your ds isn't even one and generally it is best to wait a year after having a csection before becoming pregnant again (though plenty of women have healthy pregnancies that don't) and you have had a loss since then as well....

Obviously, it is all up to you of course and I understand you want another child but I am just trying to express concern for your health and I am sure that is part of your dh's concerns as well...I am so worried about you wearing yourself out..

I agree about making sure your dh is ready, but I bet he will be ready much sooner of you show him you plan on having your body ready to be pregnant this time around..

Dont think I am harping about the weight gain, I weighed about that at term as well..and I am not tall...

April is two months away so who knows...he may be ready by then...you can always start on the prenatals and the flax seed oil just to be on the safe side so if he is ready you have already gotten prepared..


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

We have NEVER gotten pg on purpose. Ds and Sweetpea were unexpected surprises. The whole Arpil thing wouldn't be planned either. Ds will be 16 months old when we discuss it again. I know about the waiting a yr after a c/s...which is fine by me cause I want every chance to not have to go through THAT again!


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## rwikene (Jun 10, 2002)

I lurk in this forum lots but never post.

Can I add a few things though?

If I understand things correctly, you married your DH with the understanding that the two of you would not have any children right? Then God blessed you with Tracy, who was a surprise. Your DH felt somewhat betrayed b/c you were no longer "yourself". Then when Tracy was 5mo you concieved sweetpea, and sadly lost her. So, DH was probably very worried for and about you. His head is probably spinning b/c now you want another one, and he has seen how devistating a miscarriage was for you...and that be be tough for him too.

Anyway, if it were me, I'd wait. I would do my best to enjoy my baby now, and not think on all the children I could be having. Just take joy in Tracy, give him all of your time, attention and love right now. You might just find that having a single child for awhile is perfect for your family. And a year or so down the road maybe your DH will start to miss the "baby" stage and want another one.

But, you do have to respect the fact that you two made a commitment before you were married to not have any children, and you married him anyway. He still needs to respect your desire for more children, but not bringing it up for 6mo and showing him how inlove you are with Tracy may just nudge him in the right direction. Who knows


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

You are right. That is the understanding we had coming in to our marriage. We would have NO children. However, we are both very excited about Tracy. Dh even admitted long ago how wrong he was about saying no to kids in the first place. That ds was a wonderful addition. I can't help wanting another baby. I'm trying vfery hard not to think about it...but its next to impossible. One of my new good friends has a dd 2 day older than ds. She is now pg again. So, I'm living it with her. That is hard enough but then I can't help thinking about how far I'd be with sweetpea and feeling her move and such.... I'm just in a hard place now....thats why I'm trying to commit to not thinking/talking about it for 6 months. So far, it isn't going so well.


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

I just wanted to say that I think it is only natural to want another baby. Everytime I see a newborn, I feel baby pangs.
I can understand how hard it would be to fight such urges. I think the mothering drive is very strong.

I am getting antsy for AF to return so I can pregnant again.

I don't have any advice for your husband, but I do think this is a very important issue in your marriage. I think the number of children the couple wants to have is one of those biggies that needs to be agreed upon.

I'm not sure that waiting is necessarily the best thing to do. I think you both should really pray and discern about it. I also think that the issue should be discussed and resolved, not shoved under the table for a couple of more months. Of course, I would assure your dh that you aren't necessarily asking to TTC right now, but just to come to an agreement which you are both happy with on how many children you will have, when you want to TTC them and what type of family planning you will use.

I tend to think that problems like this just get bigger if they aren't resolved.

I know you said that when you got married to agreed to No children, however you said that you were always praying for an "oops". So, obviously you did and do want chldren. .


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

During this "waiting" time, do extra things for yourself, paint your toes, exercise eat right. Once you are pregnant again, or have a second child there will be no time. Try to distract yourself, focus on saving for the future, activities with Tracy, things other than getting pregnant again.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I'm trying to stay busy...I think I'm doing pretty good honestly. Yes, I still think about it but it isn't controlling my thoughts. I'm actually losing weight too! I'm down one clothing size and have lost about 16-18 pounds!!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Well, I am doing good with the whole patience thing but last night dh said something kinda interesting.

A friend of ours has a 10 month old and is about 7 weeks pg right now. I told him I was tlaking to her on the phone and that I told her that she probably had the easy baby first. Her ds is like the perfect baby. She has slept through the night since almost birth. She goes to bed at 8 and gets up at 6:30. She takes 2 2-3 hour naps a day, plays by herself and anything else you could imagine the "perfect" baby to do. So, I've been riding her pretty hard that I got the better deal having Tracy first. Cause if we were to have a second baby they would hopefully seem easy in comparison. Thats how my sister and I were. I was a hirrod baby but a good toddler and my sister was the opposite.

Anyway, he looked at me and he said, "I know there aren't any guarantees but if we were to decide to have another baby its possible that they would be an easier child than Tracy right?" I told him mst likely but not to "count" on it. But I couldn't imagine baby being more high needs. And that if baby were high needs we know def things we would do different or change.

He liked my answer got ds out of the car and walked away smiling.









I have no idea what he was doing with the conversation....but I think he likes the idea that he is controlling the "no more babioes" rule. Because he knows I'd be pg tomorrow if I had my way.

Anyway....just an update!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Yup, he's caving!! With all the stuff ds is learning to do...dh is just so excited!


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

Just don't get your hopes up, there is a difference between talking about another one "someday" and another one tomorrow. It sounds like your dh does want another one, just not right now.

On the high needs angle, ds is very high needs we can't imagine the new baby being any more high need, we are hopeing for easier but if not we know what to expect.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

i don't really want him to say tomorrow.....I want him to say we will....I just don't like that he has already said no way...and we are still in the middle of babyhood!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

i've had some personal revelations but I don't really think this is the appropriate place for it......I think I'll post it in ppd......I think it will fit in better there.....


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## Chelly2003 (Jan 5, 2003)

I was in the same boat a while back. My DS is now 3 1/2 - I wanted another baby when he turned 2, but DH would have none of it. DH knew that the thought was ALWAYS on my mind, I changed my mind and said ok lets just make sure we have another baby when DS turns 3 - DH still didn't bite.
He said in January this year, that he's ready for us to try again, just when I started to think that it was ok if we didn't!









So we've been on the TTC wagon for 3 months, with my mind going backwards and forwards - yes no yes no yes no. I told him one time that I didn't think I was ready anymore, that I didn't think we had enough money at this point - he said DON"T WORRY ABOUT THAT. (It did make me feel better about it all) But I'm still the one who pays bills etc..... so he has no idea how close we live pay check to pay check.... but we're still TTC, I don't want to lose out NOW..... DS will be close to 4 1/2 if we get pregnant SOON.... and that is a WAY biggger age gap than I ever wanted.

Good luck and just take it easy, he'll come around.

Chelly


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

So, I'm trying to stay focused........

But I o'd this week so it got a little harder!! The other thing is I have all these weird things coming up.....sore boobs, sore uterus, cramps after o-ing and pretty intense nausea.....I know they are most likely PMS signs for my post m/c body but I still can't keep out the "I wonders" or "What ifs"

Oh well....I'm only about 4 dpo so I have awhile to keep my cool till af shows and puts me back on the ground from out of the clouds!!







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