# Right-brained, Visual Spatial, ADD mamas!



## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

i feel like i have some very unique challenges homeschooling my kids, running a business and basically being responsible for everything around my house. (my DH works full time but is pretty much MIA around the house)

i have 2 really different kids, one special needs (sensory, ADD, VS, oppositional, explosive) and the other gifted and very high energy.

anyway, i find many things on a daily basis a struggle and could use some support, community, just general understanding. my best friends are pretty left brained! (i am much more like their husbands then them, ha, kinda funny)

anyone wanna talk and share experiences and what is helpful???


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## savannah smiles (May 4, 2004)

Hello! I definitely meet all of the criteria so I'll join you!

As I've gotten older, I've forced myself to get more organized just to lessen my stress levels but I'm still pretty scattered overall.

I have a 9 year old dd1 (who also has ADD along with ODD and Aspie tendancies) and then a totally typical 5 year old dd. It's hard for me to handle the chaos that kids bring as well as I should. I've tried meds for my ADD but they never made much of a difference so last week I stared taking something for anxiety and I hope the meds work.


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## scoobymummy (Sep 5, 2008)

So nice to see this here. I'm Mom to two kids. My 9 year old son is RB. My big challenge with homeschooling is that I have a lot of RB/ADD traits and am extremely noise sensitive. The combination of my very loud, active RBer and my extremely social, chatty LBer is a real challenge for me. I get pretty overwhelmed sometimes. That being said, homeschooling has been such a gift to our family. My ds started in the school system - did JK, SK and half of grade one and was turning into a very angry depressed little boy. Now I have a happy kid who really understands his strenghts and weaknesses, knows how to deal when he's overwhelmed and is approaching learning on his own timetable.

Great to meet other moms through here. I just recently met a group of moms with kids who are similar to mine in a nearby city. I felt this huge weight lifted off my shoulders just to have a chat with moms who get where I'm coming from. Hopefully this thread will do that virtually for others.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

i have had anxiety most of my life. i developed PMDD really bad about 8 years ago. i have a really hard time being productive. i want to zone out a lot. i had a sleep study on friday night. i am hoping it can help with my low energy.

right now my biggest challenge is, i think, that my kids are *SO* different and have opposing needs. it's hard for me to cope. my DH has a lot of stuff he dumps on me too. somehow i am supposed to balance everyone's needs and remember i have needs too. it's all a big bowl of churning chaos for me.

anyway, i am hoping for some support here.


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## scoobymummy (Sep 5, 2008)

One question I have, and I've been asking it around a lot, are you or your kids effected strongly by changes in the weather? My son has PANDAS and I suspect we both have some kind of autoimmune disorder - I, too, struggle with fatigue. Both my ds and I have similar symptoms every time the weather shifts (sunny to cloudy; cloudy to sunny) - anxiety or hyperactivity, followed by lethargy/sleepiness, followed sometimes by aching limbs, little muscle knots on back and neck and then a headache. I've noticed that a lot of parents of kids like ours suffer from some type of immune problem, depression... I'm kind of wondering if autoimmune illnesses are connected with all of this. Another thing I noticed is that, along with all those symptoms, our speech is slurred and ds absolutely can't write.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

scooby, i have no idea about symptoms like that, but would totally recommend an applied kinesiologist for something like this.


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## terra623 (Dec 27, 2009)

Hi everyone,

I have been on this website very infrequently and saw a post about this community thru a homeshool list I'm on. I think I tend toward the right brain-side of the continuum, my son 7 is very right brained, as is my bf and his 11 y.o. son who is also ADD. I can relate to much of what others have said above and look forward to learning and sharing with everyone.

I am a nanny for 2 kids-9 yrs. n 4 months and am lucky to bring my son who just turned 7 and home schools.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

hey terra nice to "see" you.

i am wondering, what is your (generic you) biggest challenge as a mom? how do you cope? what helps? how does being RB affect your marriage (or primary adult relationships)? how do you deal? my DH is very left brained and we experience with world so differently. it's really hard for us to come to any common ground.


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## scoobymummy (Sep 5, 2008)

I don't know how rb I am, but I have a lot of the ADD characteristics - I'm really scattered brain, so things like organization are really hard for me. I'm easily distracted, so I tend to flit around the house and not really get anything done. I am very noise sensitive, so the noise that the kids make drives me bananas. My dh is completely the opposite, he's calm, organized, tidy, unaffected by noise. He's very supportive, but I compare myself to him and tend to feel bad about my particular needs and feel like I fall short. I have a hard time getting perspective - seeing my good points, seeing the work and effort I put into my family....I guess that goes along with the tendency towards depression that a lot of us have. I have to do a lot of self-talk to get myself out of thinking that my husband is judging me negatively when he isn't or feeling like he's the better parent etc etc.


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## terra623 (Dec 27, 2009)

I tried to quote umami_mommy, but it's not working so I am just replying, but this in response to her question. I think the biggest challenge I have is hands down juggling everyone's needs and the feeling that I am doing everything which gets overwhelming at times. Also, having anytime to take care of myself. I have spoke w/ bf about this and he has made great strides to be aware and help more. Although I think the reality of life in our society is that usually the mom ends up doing more. So in addition to working and homeschooling I come home at the end of the day and was having to do all house stuff, cook etc. But I have been making adjustments in all of it and I have to say it has gotten better. For example, instead of coming home and instantly attacking house work and trying to start dinner I sit down and play with my son, watch the daily show/colbert, maybe have a glass of wine lol and I have to say it has made all the difference for me in my evening. I can then happily make a quick/easy dinner and get my son ready for bed. Sometimes the bf will start something- dinner, laundry, etc. and that helps too. I still feel like I have to stay on top of things more and have more work to do, but I don't feel as overwhelmed. Homeschooling my son and learning about the whole right brained thing has really helped me to realize my problem in school and life as a child, teen and young adult lol. While I always excelled in verbal/language areas I was very distracted, disinterested and eventually defiant in school. It has been such an eye opener homeschooling my son and I am so thankful for this insight for myself and the chance to "save" him from many of my experiences learning. It (homeschooling and family) has also forced me to grow up and get more organized. It's a work in progress, but I like to think I am getting better.  I try to write lists, have a dry erase board by the computer , have things packed the night before, etc. I have also found exercise to be a huge help for all of us. It really clears my head and helps me concentrate.


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## terra623 (Dec 27, 2009)

I can totally relate to what you're saying especially with the perspective bit. I have been working on it too, but it's not always easy. I watched a documentry called Food Matters yesterday and it was amazing. I knew a lot of what it talked about, but it mentioned Niacin B3 and it's help with depression. Apparently eating two handfuls of cashews can give us the same effect as prozac. It was really interesting and I will def. be keeping nutrition more in mind than I had been lately. I highly recommend it to everyone. We watched it on Netflix.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *scoobymummy*
> 
> I don't know how rb I am, but I have a lot of the ADD characteristics - I'm really scattered brain, so things like organization are really hard for me. I'm easily distracted, so I tend to flit around the house and not really get anything done. I am very noise sensitive, so the noise that the kids make drives me bananas. My dh is completely the opposite, he's calm, organized, tidy, unaffected by noise. He's very supportive, but I compare myself to him and tend to feel bad about my particular needs and feel like I fall short. I have a hard time getting perspective - seeing my good points, seeing the work and effort I put into my family....I guess that goes along with the tendency towards depression that a lot of us have. I have to do a lot of self-talk to get myself out of thinking that my husband is judging me negatively when he isn't or feeling like he's the better parent etc etc.


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## terra623 (Dec 27, 2009)

Also wanted to mention I finally got around to buying the book- "Right Brained Children in a Left brained World- Unlocking the Potential of your ADD Child" and I love it! Highly recommend it. I wish, wish, wish! I had gotten it sooner.


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## terra623 (Dec 27, 2009)

It's also for the right brained and visual spatial learner, not just those with ADD. 

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *terra623*
> 
> Also wanted to mention I finally got around to buying the book- "Right Brained Children in a Left brained World- Unlocking the Potential of your ADD Child" and I love it! Highly recommend it. I wish, wish, wish! I had gotten it sooner.


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## scoobymummy (Sep 5, 2008)

The Edison Trait is also a fabulous book for understanding the RB/ADD mind!

Just thought (actually just dealt with for the twentieth time today) the main thing that I struggle with having an rber in my house -- the distractability!!!! It still surprises me how easily he's distracted - how I have to tell him to do things over and over again - things as simple as eating - I still have to sometimes put the food on his fork to get him to eat it (Honestly! just jab all the beans onto one forkful, gulp them down and be done with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Taking his supplements is also a challenge - I can put them in his hand, give him the water and they still sometimes don't get taken. For awhile I was tearing my hair out - I couldn't understand how we kept forgetting to take his supplements and then I realized my forgetfulness plus his forgetfulness makes for a bit of chaos around here. Dosettes, lists, notes, reminders...I can't live without them lol! I often feel like that 80's cartoon character Kathi - I don't know if you remember her, but she always had hair sticking up and things like paperclips and pencils flying out of her head. That's me - always on the verge of an organizational disaster!


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

i want to hear about a few other things too: emotional regulation! what helps? what makes things worse? etc

what are you good at??

more later.


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## scoobymummy (Sep 5, 2008)

Emotional regulation ..... for myself, I find I need to get away sometimes. I get to a point where I feel like I'm in the middle of a whirlwind and I can't get the perspective to make decisions. I recently went away for three days and I find I'm so much more patient and understanding since I came back. I don't get to do it very often, but I think I'll make a point of it a couple of times a year. Also, I try to get time with my dh - occassional 'grown-up dinners' at home while the kids have movie night and a weekend away once a year. It helps us stay connected. Beyond that, I'm still learning the day-to-day emotional regulation - I'm not very good at it.

For my ds, emotional regulation is just about understanding who he is and what his needs are. We recently went to a museum with a group. After two hours, he started to loose it and was really upset with himself. I pointed out that it was incredible that he made it through two hours in an incredibly noisy environment, that a year ago he wouldn't have been able to. That being noise sensitive is just part of who he is and that's OK. We avoid situations that he believes he can't handle, like swimming lessons or group karate lessons, but encourage playdates, park dates, gym time. We teach him what is going on in his body when he starts to loose it and what to do (walk away, ask to go home, find a quiet place).

What am I good at???? Being self-critical comes to mind lol. I'm definitely a dedicated parent, researching, advocating, thinking, rethinking... I'm a great cook. I'm a creative, if disorganized thinker....Hmmmm... the more I write on this board, the more rb traits I'm seeing....


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## bethiana (Apr 15, 2008)

I so belong here! I am noise sensitive and my oldest son 7.5 has ASD and liked to engage in high pitched squeal fests so yeah daily challenge there. I'm a crazy list person. I like to write things down as it allows me to free up space in my mind. (If that makes sense) I also find it difficult to concentrate and completely finish tasks (especially housework). I wash a few dishes here and fold a few clothes then off to vacuum etc. I'm just so random.

At times I struggle with depression. I have times where I am really low and very unmotivated. Yet, I have times of extreme productivity. This randomness makes it very hard to work in a traditional job setting, and I'm currently working on creating my own business where I'll be able to work from home. I have noticed exercise does help with my energy level and my mood. (I'm also O blood type and I've read it's essential for Os to exercise as their blood is thicker or something and if they don't it can lead to fatigue and depression etc.) This is totally true for me.

Lately I've been taking vitamin D3 and fish oil and vitamin C and trying to eat lots of fresh veggies. All of this has been helping with energy and some focus.

My husband struggles with my lack of organization and I'm working to implement systems to help with that aspect of myself. (Of course I have to research the best ways to organize all aspects of everything - I just need to implement them already)

To cope with emotional regulation and focus I twirl my hair (not exactly functional at all but it's just a crazy habit I'm not even aware I'm doing at times and I've done this since 6 years of age) Taking just a couple minutes to sit down stop moving and completely clear my mind and relax a few times a day (meditation I guess)

My strengths include my researching abilities, my ability to hyper focus at times (very productive days-months), creative - writing, graphic design,etc., my ability to think (this is also a weakness at times as I can go overboard with analyzing), my ability to evaluate myself (which leads to personal growth)


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## scoobymummy (Sep 5, 2008)

Quote:


> I so belong here! I am noise sensitive and my oldest son 7.5 has ASD and liked to engage in high pitched squeal fests so yeah daily challenge there. I'm a crazy list person. I like to write things down as it allows me to free up space in my mind. (If that makes sense) I also find it difficult to concentrate and completely finish tasks (especially housework). I wash a few dishes here and fold a few clothes then off to vacuum etc. I'm just so random.


 Holy crap!!! You're my twin! I've always wanted to be one of those women who cleans on schedule (you know - monday is vacuuming day, Tuesday bathrooms) - never going to happen. I rely on lists, but tend to forget about them and actually putting my daybook in my purse is a major acheivment.

Quote:


> My strengths include my researching abilities, my ability to hyper focus at times (very productive days-months), creative - writing, graphic design,etc., my ability to think (this is also a weakness at times as I can go overboard with analyzing), my ability to evaluate myself (which leads to personal growth)


 Ha! The amount of researching I've done to solve problems is hilarious - and then I'm snowed under by all that information and don't know where to start - so I just keep researching.


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## savannah smiles (May 4, 2004)

There was a question upthread about what was the most difficult thing to deal w/ in regards to being a parent and for me it's getting the time alone that I need. I'm severely introverted. Severely. If I don't have time alone to recharge my mood goes south very quickly. Luckily, as the kids get older, time alone is much easier to come by!

As for self-regulation, I tend to shake my feet a lot. It drives my dh crazy to sit next to me because I'm always jigging my feet which he can feel, lol! I also try to make time for myself doing things I enjoy.


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## PNWmama (Sep 2, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bethiana*
> 
> I so belong here! I am noise sensitive and my oldest son 7.5 has ASD and liked to engage in high pitched squeal fests so yeah daily challenge there. I'm a crazy list person. I like to write things down as it allows me to free up space in my mind. (If that makes sense) I also find it difficult to concentrate and completely finish tasks (especially housework). I wash a few dishes here and fold a few clothes then off to vacuum etc. I'm just so random.
> 
> ...


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *scoobymummy*
> 
> Holy crap!!! You're my twin! I've always wanted to be one of those women who cleans on schedule (you know - monday is vacuuming day, Tuesday bathrooms) - never going to happen. I rely on lists, but tend to forget about them and actually putting my daybook in my purse is a major acheivment.
> 
> Ha! The amount of researching I've done to solve problems is hilarious - and then I'm snowed under by all that information and don't know where to start - so I just keep researching.


We are triplets!! Bethiana, everything you wrote describes me word for word, I even had a son with ASD who is very loud and crashes and bangs around all day. I'm so sensitive to noise...sometimes I feel like I'm going to go insane. I also will be doing the dishes, and then randomly stop and start the laundry, then sweep the floor, think "oh yeah, I was doing the dishes" and back to the dishes I go. Obsessive researcher too who also gets completely overwhelmed by all the information, so then I research some more, ha ha!

I twirl my hair too . I've done it since I was a kid and it helps me relax for some reason. And knitting. Lot's and lot's of knitting.

I've self diagnosed myself with ADD...it seems like it wasn't something that I had as a child, or at least it wasn't bad enough to affect my grades and performance in school. As an adult, though, wow, the thoughts and ideas constantly swirling though my head make it so hard for me to focus on any one thing.

I'm so glad I found this thread...the baby has woken up so I'll be back later to write more!


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## scoobymummy (Sep 5, 2008)

Quote:


> I've self diagnosed myself with ADD...it seems like it wasn't something that I had as a child, or at least it wasn't bad enough to affect my grades and performance in school. As an adult, though, wow, the thoughts and ideas constantly swirling though my head make it so hard for me to focus on any one thing.


 I never thought I was either, but looking back I can see that I probably was (am). My binders were always a disaster - didn't matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to stay organized. I did well in elementary school, but as soon as I got to highschool and was more responsible for my stuff, I struggled. I never got the grades that I felt I could have gotten. Small details were impossible for me to remember. I would get perfect on the essay components of tests and exams, but would fail the detail questions. Maybe it isn't as obvious in girls as it is in boys? I don't think it was really visible with me, but looking back, I don't know how I made it through. I can barely sit through a two hour meeting now.


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## terra623 (Dec 27, 2009)

My son is the same way with eating! It's exasperating at times, but my patience has come a long way. The funniest thing about it is it takes him 3x as long because he wants to talk, talk, talk to you and yet is impatient to get back to whatever activity I disturbed by having him come eat!

One of the things the book I read talks about is how sensitive RBer's are, how much they want to be perfect, etc. It seems like sometimes my son is waiting to be told to do/how to do something (even if he's been told a bunch of times before/knows how) because he doesn't want to be wrong/make a mistake. I have learned to wait before reacting or telling him to do something and sometimes it works. Like the other day someone gave him something and he was quiet for a sec. and my gut reaction was to say, "what do you say?" But I waited a minute and he said Thank u himself.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *scoobymummy*
> 
> The Edison Trait is also a fabulous book for understanding the RB/ADD mind!
> 
> Just thought (actually just dealt with for the twentieth time today) the main thing that I struggle with having an rber in my house -- the distractability!!!! It still surprises me how easily he's distracted - how I have to tell him to do things over and over again - things as simple as eating - I still have to sometimes put the food on his fork to get him to eat it (Honestly! just jab all the beans onto one forkful, gulp them down and be done with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Taking his supplements is also a challenge - I can put them in his hand, give him the water and they still sometimes don't get taken. For awhile I was tearing my hair out - I couldn't understand how we kept forgetting to take his supplements and then I realized my forgetfulness plus his forgetfulness makes for a bit of chaos around here. Dosettes, lists, notes, reminders...I can't live without them lol! I often feel like that 80's cartoon character Kathi - I don't know if you remember her, but she always had hair sticking up and things like paperclips and pencils flying out of her head. That's me - always on the verge of an organizational disaster!


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## terra623 (Dec 27, 2009)

Yup I can relate to everything too  I have also thought about where these skills would come in handy for me in a career. My BF leaves any research to me, because I can jump on the computer and have a question answered or info for him in minutes where he'd still be wading through the search results. It helps that I read fast too. I constantly will be doing something, then get distracted, move on to something else and then remember what I really wanted to do. I always make lists, but seldom refer back to them :/ The list making in itself does seem to help me remember. Though I totally get what the one poster said with it clearing space in your head. I have so many thoughts, ideas, etc. and I keep trying to get myself to write them done, b/c I do feel like a lot of them get lost, but it's hard to make myself do it-esp. in my hectic day to day life.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *PNWmama*
> 
> We are triplets!! Bethiana, everything you wrote describes me word for word, I even had a son with ASD who is very loud and crashes and bangs around all day. I'm so sensitive to noise...sometimes I feel like I'm going to go insane. I also will be doing the dishes, and then randomly stop and start the laundry, then sweep the floor, think "oh yeah, I was doing the dishes" and back to the dishes I go. Obsessive researcher too who also gets completely overwhelmed by all the information, so then I research some more, ha ha!
> 
> ...


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