# Swearing



## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

DSD (15) swears when she talks to her friends. It bothers me. A lot. It just sounds either bitter or trashy to me, and I wish she'd clean up her language... At the same time, when she tried to talk that way with me, I asked her to stop and she has respected my request. I don't feel right dictating how she should talk to her friends, so here I am looking for some sound advice on "get over it" or "it will pass".

What do you think of it? Do your kids do it? Just with their friends or with you as well? Does it bother you?









Honest opinions are welcome.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Our entire family swears quite a bit and that includes the kids. We do not censor language at all. So that means you're as likely to hear my 14 year old drop the F word as you are me.







It doesn't bother me at all.

We've always talked with the kids about time and place, and we've tried to model when it's appropriate to tone it down a bit. We don't deliberately go out of our way to make people uncomfortable or anything.

I don't see swearing as just an adult thing.

Around our house or with friends and some family it's not a problem at all. We get silly with it. Intent matters more to me. We don't swear at each other in anger generally. It's just a casual part of how we talk.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
Our entire family swears quite a bit and that includes the kids. We do not censor language at all. So that means you're as likely to hear my 14 year old drop the F word as you are me.







It doesn't bother me at all.

We've always talked with the kids about time and place, and we've tried to model when it's appropriate to tone it down a bit. We don't deliberately go out of our way to make people uncomfortable or anything.

I don't see swearing as just an adult thing.

Around our house or with friends and some family it's not a problem at all. We get silly with it. Intent matters more to me. We don't swear at each other in anger generally. It's just a casual part of how we talk.

I could have written this. Except for the "have a 14 year old" part.









Language has the power you give it. If you treat specific words as taboo they will be that much more interesting. The fact that your daughter understands that language needs to be situationally dependent is what is important in my opinion. My goal with my kids (bio or high school students) is for them to understand that different people evaluate you based on different criterion. There are many people in the world who will have a lower opinion of your worth/intelligence/social status/whatever if you swear--do you care about their opinion? If it is your boss.... probably yes. I also try to show kids that whereas I think there is nothing wrong with "bad words" that other people are really offended so you should probably try to put forth effort towards not offending people if you want to be polite. (For example: I had a great professor in college whom I thought was just the sweetest lady. She's a nun. I didn't swear in front of her because she earned and deserved my respect and that was something that would bother her.)


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

ITA that intent is the important part. I also teach DS that if he uses certain words around certain people that it might make them uncomfortable (grandparents, elderly, etc) They can then choose and he has never used the F bomb in front of his granny


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## DaMajha (Mar 30, 2008)

I've always cursed, as does my dh. DD16 does NOT curse in front of us. I'm sure she does it with her friends, but she knows that when she is an adult, she is free to speak however she wants, but as a child, don't do it in front of me.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oriole* 
I don't feel right dictating how she should talk to her friends, so here I am looking for some sound advice on "get over it" or "it will pass".

It wouldn't bother me to tell my child not to do it.









How our children talk out in public and around other people when we aren't with them reflects on the parent.







I wouldn't tolerate that kind of talk from my children no matter who they are talking to. It's not a good habit to get in to and it looks bad in front of other people.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
It wouldn't bother me to tell my child not to do it.









How our children talk out in public and around other people when we aren't with them reflects on the parent.







I wouldn't tolerate that kind of talk from my children no matter who they are talking to. It's not a good habit to get in to and it looks bad in front of other people.


Some people don't think swearing looks bad, or they care less about whether other people think it does or not.









My kids can swear in front of me or when I am not around. What matters to me is that they think about who, what, and where etc. Also, my kids are their own people with their own decisions to make- especially now that they are young adults and not "little kids'. Sometimes we will agree and sometimes we won't, but I don't think every decision they make is a reflection on me. It's a reflection on them being human.


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

I have never had a no swearing rule (except for hate, stupid and shutup) and my kids very rarely cuss (at least in my presence) but when they do I could care less. I think my lack of caring has caused them to curse less than other kids I hear but that doesn't really matter to me. I does irritate me when my daughter uses "freakin'" because I find fake curse words annoying. We all know what you're saying so why don't you just say it? I would expect a 15 year old to curse when they're with their friends. If what she says around her friends bothers you I would just stop listening.


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## AlmostAPpropriate (Oct 23, 2004)

I dont worry about how they talk with their friends. I do care how they talk within earshot of adults - for me it's a respect thing. I believe in being considerate. It's not that I necessarily care how others judge me, more like I care how I make others feel. And since swearing isnt intrinsic to who I am, I willingly give it up in the interst of my fellow's feelings.

What does REALLY bug me is when swearing becomes a crutch in language. Like saying "like" or "you know" or "uh". Use them when you need to use them, not just as filler because you cant think of anything else to say.


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## canadianchick (May 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
Our entire family swears quite a bit and that includes the kids. We do not censor language at all. So that means you're as likely to hear my 14 year old drop the F word as you are me.







It doesn't bother me at all.

We've always talked with the kids about time and place, and we've tried to model when it's appropriate to tone it down a bit. We don't deliberately go out of our way to make people uncomfortable or anything.

I don't see swearing as just an adult thing.

Around our house or with friends and some family it's not a problem at all. We get silly with it. Intent matters more to me. We don't swear at each other in anger generally. It's just a casual part of how we talk.

I could not have said it better myself. I swear like a sailor and I figure if swearing is the only thing dd is doing, then I am lucky.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

Thanks everyone.. I feel a bit better.









I enjoy reading everyone's perspective on swearing.


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## stayinghome (Jul 4, 2002)

We all swear here too. The kids know when it's ok and not so much to.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
Our entire family swears quite a bit and that includes the kids. We do not censor language at all. So that means you're as likely to hear my 14 year old drop the F word as you are me.







It doesn't bother me at all.

We've always talked with the kids about time and place, and we've tried to model when it's appropriate to tone it down a bit. We don't deliberately go out of our way to make people uncomfortable or anything.

I don't see swearing as just an adult thing.

Around our house or with friends and some family it's not a problem at all. We get silly with it. Intent matters more to me. We don't swear at each other in anger generally. It's just a casual part of how we talk.

Yup, except it's a 5.5 year old here, not a 14 year old. My biggie is the f-bomb, DD's is ass.









The only ones who really seem to care are DP's family, and Rylie understands that they don't like to hear certain words. She very seldom cusses in front of them -- but is flabbergasted that their DD isn't even allowed to say "Oh my gosh!"


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

we dont really swear much around here, but 4yo has started dropping the f bomb on us a few times. 14yo never swears around us, he will use the word bitch occasionally, as a joke to his friends. we dont really care. its not a big deal to us.


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## Halfasianmomma (Nov 1, 2007)

DH and DSS swear a lot when together, but we've taught DSS that there's a time and place for that stuff, and he's *never* once been in trouble for swearing at school. His grandparents have requested that he not use profanity in their presence because it bothers them, and he complied quite easily. I think that if you don't make a big deal out of swearing in the home, kids don't get all excited about pulling it out in other places where it might not be so well received.


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## stardustdawn (May 2, 2008)

darn it....(insert your own choice of words here!







) I just wrote a reply and it disappeared- I hope I can remember what I said....

I am surprised by how many people swear. For me, it's not really a gentle or respectful way to talk to anybody, especially those you care about. It bothers me to hear parents talk like that with their children. It seems like there are better words to communicate.

My children are really uncomfortable with hearing the language that goes on with their peers, and I'm shocked at how the F-bomb is tossed around so flippantly with kids today. I sound like my mother, but I really dislike hearing that coming out of a pretty girls mouth. Is it really necessary? It's like cigarettes, kids try it to seem cool and grown-up. To me it's not either, and it doesn't seem to reflect or represent a person very well, IMHO.

I'm not a perfect innocent sweet thing either- my reputation with my children's friends is that of "The Rock Mom!" however, I find that swearing is just not a great way to express yourself. There are lots of other great vocabulary words!

I wish though that my children could find a sense of peace, since it is so rampant around us. They really feel like it's a slap in the face, and a cut to the heart to hear some of those words. Their father and his new family swear all the time, and when my children asked them to stop, they just thought it would be hilarious to sit at the dinner table and spout off as many words as they could. My children felt hurt and disrespected.

Now I've heard George Carlin's routine, and it's funny and makes sense, but I still can't reconcile swearing as a way to connect with others.

Just IMHO....
back to my hidey-hole


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

While there are times that a sharp, f*ck perfectly expresses the emotion I am feeling, I see it as a bad habit. Sort of the lowest level of expression I use.
We encourage our family members to use more creative ways to express themselves.
I don't get super bent out of shape. It's just not OK in our house within earshot of adults or little kids. When other kids are over and freely use the term "this sucks" I let them know we don't use that language in the house, particularly in front of my 6yo.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

i dont really like hearing young kids under the age of 13 cussing it just doesn't sound right to me. But after that it's all about time and place.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Okay, I was on the main forum page and the title for this thread read:
Swearing
by: OhDang

I don't like cussing. I hate that I say darn.

To me cussing is just not polite. I feel like it makes a person sound and appear uncouth.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AlmostAPpropriate* 
What does REALLY bug me is when swearing becomes a crutch in language. Like saying "like" or "you know" or "uh". Use them when you need to use them, not just as filler because you cant think of anything else to say.

I edited a Tom Clancy book, it was quite interesting the various meanings "D***" takes on. I think you could use much more interesting and descriptive words.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stardustdawn* 
I am surprised by how many people swear. For me, it's not really a gentle or respectful way to talk to anybody, especially those you care about. It bothers me to hear parents talk like that with their children. It seems like there are better words to communicate.

I sound like my mother, but I really dislike hearing that coming out of a pretty girls mouth. Is it really necessary? It's like cigarettes, kids try it to seem cool and grown-up. To me it's not either, and it doesn't seem to reflect or represent a person very well, IMHO.

however, I find that swearing is just not a great way to express yourself. There are lots of other great vocabulary words!









:


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelovedK* 
ITA that intent is the important part. I also teach DS that if he uses certain words around certain people that it might make them uncomfortable (grandparents, elderly, etc) They can then choose and he has never used the F bomb in front of his granny









this. exactly.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stardustdawn* 
I sound like my mother, but I really dislike hearing that coming out of a pretty girls mouth.


So it's better if it comes out of an ugly girl's mouth? Or a boy's mouth? I *think* I get what you're saying, but the way you've said it is offensive to me. Personally, I would have rather you dropped the f-bomb than make a comment about how you dislike a "pretty girl" cursing.

edit: Just trying to point out that there are HUGE variations as to what people find offensive. To me, saying "oh darn" vs. the "real" swear word is only a difference of a few letters. They both mean the same exact thing.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maggirayne* 
I edited a Tom Clancy book, it was quite interesting the various meanings "D***" takes on. I think you could use much more interesting and descriptive words.








:

This reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Mark Twain


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## mamabeca (Oct 3, 2004)

Sam Clemens ROCKS.

ITA that intent is what gives swear words their violence, not the word itself. One can declare war on tangly hair or BO or your neighbors. Very different intents, create a scenario of peace with kids, they will swear as much as they want peacefully. Thing is, if you condone, versus condemn, is it giving credence to using simple words to express complex emotions? I remember an email from eons back about how many different meanings [email protected] has to N. Americanos. It was a whole PAGE. So although I cuss, and probably my kids (at least the older one) does too to reflect on poor moods (such as anger, frustration, disapointment, etc.) trying to give them more words to communicate more effectively is probably a good plan.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

swearing would not be tolerated in my house. and friends of my kids who swear are also not allowed to be around us. But 'tis not much of a problem as many families around here have that rule.


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## VegAmanda (Feb 27, 2008)

My husband has a much bigger problem with it than I do, and coincidentally has the worst mouth in the house.







I'd rather hear a 'f*ck' in fun than a disrespectful non-swear. I just think that if it's this forbidden thing, they'll go out of their way to do it out of earshot.

In the Target checkout line the other day, this tiny kid, maybe 2.5, was looking at the impulse buy stuff while his mom unloaded the cart. He picked a up toy, started to raise it up to show her, and accidentally dropped it. Without missing a beat, he let out a tiny little "Sh*t."







She didn't hear him, but I did, and I couldn't help snickering. He looked at me and explained, "Dwopped dat." Um, yeah, I got it.


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## dhammamama (Mar 30, 2008)

I don't mind swearing at all, but I think it can pave the way for lazy self expression. Sometimes no other word will do, but many times other plosives do just fine.

Creative cursing is an excellent game.







ie-- it doesn't need to be the generic overused curses. You can find equally intense and satisfying, but socially acceptable ways to express those difficult emotions, while increasing one's vocabulary.

I do think it's important to teach time and place and consideration of others when discussing the concept, though. Flexibility, sensitivity and creativity are important traits in adulthood.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

I have mixed feelings on this one. I haven't sensored curse words with my own kids, and they pretty much don't use them. My kids are gentle and sensitive (and still young!) and don't even like to use the word "fart." LOL. But I've just spent a year working with troubled teenagers and it has been difficult for me to figure out some reasonable boundaries about this issue.

I am dead set against "directed" swearing. Ie. -- its never okay for anyone (child or adult) to call someone a "b" or to instruct them to "get the "f" out of my face," etc. IMO, this takes cursing to a whole new level and its just not okay for people to degrade each other in this way. If I was hearing this sort of directed profanity from my child with his/her peers -- then I would have some real concerns about it and I would intervene in some fashion.

Aside from that -- its hard to know where to draw a line. I work with kids who using "f'ing" as an adjective to describe every single subject of conversation. Five-six times in a sentence sometimes. It does grate on me. You can eliminate these descriptive words and still have a perfectly understandable conversation. Better yet, you can replace them with better words and have a much more meaningful conversation. In these cases -- I tend to insert a gentle, casual, "_Uh -- can you please clean up your language a little bit? My ears just can't take any more."_ I get eye rolls, but they tone it down. I might also say "Save it for the street," meaning -- "not hear, and not now." Kids need to learn when and where, and they need to practice being professional and civil. I would not interfere if this language were occuring between peers during 'down time' when they are alone -- but I think its very reasonable to ask that it stop when you are within earshot if it bothers you. If you find it disrespectful, then you should express that!

But then there are plenty of times where profanity is used and it doesn't phase me -- to express pain, or strong feelings, or anger -- I would never call a child on profanity in a moment like this, when it is so clearly positive for them to be expressing feelings *at all.* I would not want them to clam up, kwim?

Its just complicated.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dhammamama* 
I don't mind swearing at all, but I think it can pave the way for lazy self expression. Sometimes no other word will do, but many times other plosives do just fine.

Creative cursing is an excellent game.







ie-- it doesn't need to be the generic overused curses. You can find equally intense and satisfying, but socially acceptable ways to express those difficult emotions, while increasing one's vocabulary.

I do think it's important to teach time and place and consideration of others when discussing the concept, though. Flexibility, sensitivity and creativity are important traits in adulthood.

Funny creative curses!


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## Mamato2and2 (Apr 7, 2006)

I'm pretty strict about the use of language around here. My kids hear cussing from friends/family (myself included) but I don't think it's appropriate for them to cuss. When I was a kid my friends and I cussed but we never cussed around other people (grown-ups, little kids) and I think that it is VERY important to teach kids this kind of respect. It just makes me sick when I am walking down the street and teenagers, as well as adults, use the "f" word and I have my little kids around....I just think it is really selfish and disrespectful. Yes, my kids hear that language but they don't need to hear it from strangers in public places---just my opinion.


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## cjanelles (Oct 22, 2005)

I don't have a problem with kids swearing. It doesn't bother me to overhear them cussing in groups or to each other or even in reference to circumstances they're experiencing or witnessing or whatever.

In my opinion, words are words and they only have the power we give them. I could make any word be ugly, depending on how I spoke it and how I intended it. I could make the word "cake" be hateful, if I worked at it, ya know?

So, in that regard, we have taught our kids that there are no "bad words," only bad intentions. If you speak words with the intention to hurt someone, it doesn't matter if you're cursing or not. I have tried to instill in my kids the idea of being respectful to the sensitivities of others, though. It bothers their grandparents, the idea of the kids cussing, so my kids don't cuss around them. My husband doesn't like it when kids use the more harsh swear words (you know, the "F" word and such), so they don't talk like that around him.

I have talked to my kids at length about the impressions we make on other people based on the language we use and our appearances and our behavior, and I've encouraged them to remember that many people believe it isn't classy or honorable to use crude language. BUT, my kids would never be punished or chastised for using such language, not even if it offended someone else...because honestly, while I hope my kids don't go around deliberately offending people with shocking behavior, another person's sensitivities are not my children's responsibilities...

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the subject. We've had this conversation many times in my circle of family and friends, LOL.


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## pajamajes (Feb 1, 2008)

I cuss like a sailor. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but mostly not. I feel like its a way to express emotions and its better to let them out than keep them bottled up.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PoppyMama* 
I have never had a no swearing rule (except for hate, stupid and shutup).

I'm fine with swearing for teens - as long as it isn't at school, in public where kids or elderly could overhear, etc. I actually think it is a GOOD thing as kids need to rebel in some way - do you want drinking or cussing? I cussed like a sailor when I was a teen, but never in front of kids or teachers or my parents' friends or anywhere except with my friends.

My kids can say hate - because it is a real emotion that they feel. I feel it too. I don't allow gay or other terms for it used in a negative way. I don't allow the word fat (which is tough when you are reading rhyming books for little kids.... there is always a fat cat with a hat or something like that). I don't allow the word retard; that grates on me something fierce when people use it in a negative way.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PoppyMama*
I would expect a 15 year old to curse when they're with their friends. If what she says around her friends bothers you I would just stop listening.

I agree with this.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
but is flabbergasted that their DD isn't even allowed to say "Oh my gosh!"









I read that on MDC - that some people are offended by oh my gosh. That blows my mind. I really can't work with restricting my language to that degree; they'll just have to be offended at me. I have a friend who was offended when I'd say "oh my god". That phrase has been in my vocabulary since I was a kid; I have a hard time remembering that it is offensive. So I'd talk and it would slip out and I'd apolgize. Lather, rinse, repeat. "blah, blah, blah, blah, oh my god - sorry!, blah, blah, blah, blah, oh my god - sorry!"

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 
I don't get super bent out of shape. It's just not OK in our house within earshot of adults or little kids. When other kids are over and freely use the term "this sucks" I let them know we don't use that language in the house, particularly in front of my 6yo.

I had a close friend in 7th grade. I'd go to her house a lot. Her mom considered the word suck to be a curse word. I had the HARDEST time remembering not to use it, and she'd get so mad at me. "Man, that pop quiz sucked!" and she'd glare. It was like telling me not to use the word "never" or some other common word that just pops into conversation now and then.

I'm totally fine with my kids swearing when they are teens - and in the appropriate situations.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mika3* 
I'm pretty strict about the use of language around here. My kids hear cussing from friends/family (myself included) but I don't think it's appropriate for them to cuss. When I was a kid my friends and I cussed but we never cussed around other people (grown-ups, little kids) and I think that it is VERY important to teach kids this kind of respect. It just makes me sick when I am walking down the street and teenagers, as well as adults, use the "f" word and I have my little kids around....I just think it is really selfish and disrespectful. Yes, my kids hear that language but they don't need to hear it from strangers in public places---just my opinion.

 I am curious as to why the words would be better heard from close friends and family rather than from strangers in public places. If you find the words disrespectful in and of themselves why would it matter who said them, or to a lesser extent, where?

The idea that kids (esp teens) using the same language an adult uses or is at least free to use are automatically being disrespectful is so strange to me. What magical thing happens between 13 and 18 with regard to respect and saying "sh*%" or what have you? Between 15 and 20?


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## PancakeGoddess (Oct 8, 2004)

In our house language was never restricted and they always seemed to know when it wasn't appropriate and refrained from profanity at that time. Now, my 13yo uses it so frequently that he no longer seems to be able to stop himself. I don't think he's tryng especially hard, but even when he does it's become a really strong habit. We've asked him to hold back a bit since we've got very young children in the house and because frankly it gets old.

I regret not drawing the line earlier. I wish he had that instinct to hold back around adults but he doesn't. I'm sure with other kids, it's different,but this is mine.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
I am curious as to why the words would be better heard from close friends and family rather than from strangers in public places. If you find the words disrespectful in and of themselves why would it matter who said them, or to a lesser extent, where?

The idea that kids (esp teens) using the same language an adult uses or is at least free to use are automatically being disrespectful is so strange to me. What magical thing happens between 13 and 18 with regard to respect and saying "sh*%" or what have you? Between 15 and 20?









That logic wouldn't be valid argument in our case, since adults are not using that kind of language with or without kids (neither I nor dp swear). I do find it disrespectful when adults swear too much without regard for what I am comfortable.


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## lunabelly (Jan 4, 2007)

I don't swear very often because I think that in the rare moments when I do swear it has more power. If I say the f-word, dh knows something is seriously wrong. I think dss probably swears around his friends (maybe dd does, too) and I don't care about that. I swore like a sailor when I was a teen.

I don't want them to swear around us, though. I just don't want to hear it, particularly, and I think that once you go down that road it's easy to let the wrong words slip out in inappropriate places-- like in front of a teacher or grandma.

I do give both of the big kids a hard time about using "hate" and "stupid." I don't ever want ds to learn those words. I know he will, but I hope it's not any time soon.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

I think it's unfair to swear and then not expect your children to do so. "Do as I say, not as I do" seems a bit hypocritical to me.

I am very against swearing and very rarely do in front of my kids (I'm sure they've caught a mumbled "damn", though). DH will let one slip then cover his mouth like a little kid. DS and DD will give a *GASP* and laugh.

I just think it's unnecessary and ugly. Just my opinion.

Oh, and I'm also one who doesn't let "shut up" or "stupid" fly in their house. I'm not into demeaning and belittling words.


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## smillerhouse (Aug 5, 2006)

I choose not to swear. I do not allow my teens to swear in front of me. I think it is a respect deal. I acknowledge their feelings and the right to have their thoughts,opinion,and express themselves. I do not though want to listen to this.I consider it word pollution







I avoid power struggles around it. Sometimes they will try to get my reaction so try to discuss something interesting. Sallie


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## nancy926 (Mar 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
To me, saying "oh darn" vs. the "real" swear word is only a difference of a few letters. They both mean the same exact thing.


I disagree. "Darn" is way down the scale of frustration/annoyance/anger, compared with [email protected]*n. Same with "freaking" and its less acceptable counterpart. When I'm annoyed, I say "crap." When I'm REALLY angry or frustrated, I say other things that I'd rather my 5-year-old not say.

It's not all or nothing to me.


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## MotherSuperior (Mar 25, 2008)

Swearing is laziness....not being creative enough to find a more appropriate word. A lot of people might not be offended, a lot more will be. You can't really control what your kid says when you're not around, so let it go.

My teen does not curse around me and I offer that same respect to him.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MotherSuperior* 
Swearing is laziness....not being creative enough to find a more appropriate word.


I totally disagree that swearing = laziness. Sometimes it's exactly the word I want to use and I use it deliberately.

As far as creative, you should hear us sometimes!









It's fine that you don't care for swearing, but to deem the rest of us automatically lazy seems just a tad snooty.


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

I'm OK with cursing.

I really like DD's use of Sponge Bob and Sponge Bob like curses. "Oh, Barnacles!" DD comes up with some pretty funny ones (which my sleep deprived brain can not think of at the moment).

DD can be quite intense and sometimes she just needs to say, "That sucks." I would much rather have her use some strong language than throw a temper tantrum.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AbbieB* 
I really like DD's use of Sponge Bob and Sponge Bob like curses. "Oh, Barnacles!" DD comes up with some pretty funny ones (which my sleep deprived brain can not think of at the moment).

Tartar sauce. DS says that









Quote:

DD can be quite intense and sometimes she just needs to say, "That sucks." I would much rather have her use some strong language than throw a temper tantrum.

I said "sucks" when I was *14* and my mother slapped me on my mouth (hard, in public). I would never go that far.


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## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

I grew up around very swearing mouths and dirty jokes etc. I have much of that in my language although when my kids were babies I did make an effort to tone it down. The ironic thing was Grandma was the one saying the worst stuff, and it was in anger usually and she was the super devout, titheing catholic, while my Grandpa was an atheist and the worst I ever heard him say was 'dumb dirty dog s**t' quietly when he was working on cars. My mother is a loud and proud throw it in your face swear-er. When my kids use a word in context at home I don't care, but I have taught them that it's a word that other people might not like to hear, so keep it home until you are a grown up. If we were unschooling like I really wish it would be easier, but I am not healthy enough to handle kids 24/7 in a super rural area with no other non-religious un/home schoolers to interact with.


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## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

I was at a playground last week near a neighborhood middle school with my nearly three year old. There were eight or so middle schoolers there and they weren't just swearing (mostly *very* violent name calling), they were speaking exclusively in swear. I swear. Well, after a couple minutes, I asked them to stop. No, I told them to stop and to leave. I don't feel badly that I was interfering with their right to express themselves.

My older daughter I think would rather die than swear. Last year, she was really upset one day getting off the bus. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that she heard one kid call another the *J* word. As I was racking my brain trying to figure out what she meant (Jew, Jesus, J-Frick?) she said,
"You know mommy. JERK"







:

Needless to say, we're not big swearers around here. I do think, however, that there's a HUGE difference between name calling and a reaction to a stubbed toe or a computer meltdown. I also think it's a respect thing. I wouldn't swear in front of my kids and I don't want them swearing in front of me. To me it's crass and bad manners - kinda like chewing with one's mouth open. Who wants to see that all day?


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## debbieh (Apr 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 

I totally disagree that swearing = laziness. Sometimes it's exactly the word I want to use and I use it deliberately.

As far as creative, you should hear us sometimes!









It's fine that you don't care for swearing, but to deem the rest of us automatically lazy seems just a tad snooty.

I agree completely. Sometimes, depending on the situation, "darn it", "shoot" or "fricken" just isn't strong enough to express what I feel.
My 17 yo dd will swear sometimes, mostly with her friends, but occasionally around me. Doesn't bother me. I figure if that's the worst a teen does, then why complain?


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## rhubarbarin (May 2, 2008)

I like swearing.







I don't plan to censor my kid's language at all - though I guess I'll have to help them understand that other people are not tolerant of certain words.

I don't like swearing when it's used in rage or to try to hurt someone.. but I never use it like that. I just like to use foul words!

We were not allowed to even say 'butt' or 'fart' in my house growing up, and my mom still reprimands me when I swear.. which I ignore, of course!


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## mommy777 (Nov 12, 2007)

I swear more than I want to. I don't want my kids saying bad words because it really embarrasses me when they do it in public places.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy777* 
I swear more than I want to. I don't want my kids saying bad words because it really embarrasses me when they do it in public places.


I know what you mean, I really don't have a problem with it morally, but my kids do swear a lot and now my 2 1/2 yo grandson has taken to saying F U and it really does scare me he will say it in public and I will die.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

We are swearers and our children are good at picking exactly the right word when needed - swear word or not. It all language to me and I'm not bothered by it.

What *does* bother me though is people namecalling using swear words in public, especially children. As in 'Come here you little sh**. That makes me feel so bad for them.


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## jellybellyxoxo (Jul 3, 2008)

My DD [13] is like your son. Except she curses around her friends [and her friends do to so none of them object] AND she curses around me, her school principals [there's 4 at her school] and even to other random people [ie her teachers, her camp leaders, librarians, ect]. I've gotten used to her doing it to her friends and i guess I've gotten used to her doing it around me. But I can't stand her doing it to other adults. Though if I'm around her, she doesn't curs but she does when I'm not around her. So I'm not sure what to think about it.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Swearing is no big deal in this house. We try to limit the big ones, but we don't censor. Our dd uses the occasional cuss word when the situation warrents it, but she knows that where she is a who she's with is an important thing and refrains until she knows how the other person(s) feel about swearing.

The one thing we don't allow is the swearing punctuation. You can't add the f word after every other word in the sentance.


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## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stardustdawn* 
darn it....(insert your own choice of words here!







) I just wrote a reply and it disappeared- I hope I can remember what I said....

I am surprised by how many people swear. For me, it's not really a gentle or respectful way to talk to anybody, especially those you care about. It bothers me to hear parents talk like that with their children. It seems like there are better words to communicate.

My children are really uncomfortable with hearing the language that goes on with their peers, and I'm shocked at how the F-bomb is tossed around so flippantly with kids today. I sound like my mother, but I really dislike hearing that coming out of a pretty girls mouth. Is it really necessary? It's like cigarettes, kids try it to seem cool and grown-up. To me it's not either, and it doesn't seem to reflect or represent a person very well, IMHO.

I'm not a perfect innocent sweet thing either- my reputation with my children's friends is that of "The Rock Mom!" however, I find that swearing is just not a great way to express yourself. There are lots of other great vocabulary words!

I wish though that my children could find a sense of peace, since it is so rampant around us. They really feel like it's a slap in the face, and a cut to the heart to hear some of those words. Their father and his new family swear all the time, and when my children asked them to stop, they just thought it would be hilarious to sit at the dinner table and spout off as many words as they could. My children felt hurt and disrespected.


Yes!! The English language is full of great words. I don't think swearing is a moral issue, exactly-- for me, it's more of an aesthetic one. Also, quite frankly, if you use the words all the time they lose their power, anyway, and all you're left with is a word tht doesn't mean anything definite *and* is offensive to some people. My husband and I don't use them at all, and I'll try to encourage DD not to, too.


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## 106657 (Apr 9, 2008)

I am sure my kids cuss around their friends, I did when I was a teen. I would be more upset if they were to cuss at me then if they were just to cuss. I don't cuss at them so I would want that same respect.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

dbl post


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

I would not dictate how my children speak to their friends once they are teens. I would talk to them about how it may make them look to people (trashy, uneducated, etc.) and explain the who, what, when, and where about using it.


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## ninelives (Sep 4, 2006)

I think most swear words are ridiculous. It's when you stop and think about the literal meaning of the words, that you realize how ridiculous they are. Suppose, for example, that a couple had an argument like this:

*"I can't copulating believe it. That eternally-condemned plumber sent us a bill for five hundred copulating dollars!"

"What the abode of condemned souls? You should have gotten a copulating quote, before you let that illegitimate son work on the pipe!"

"Well, how the abode of condemned souls was I supposed to know? If I'd have known that son of a female dog would charge us this condemned much, I'd have told him to shove it in his rectum!"

"Bovine excrement! You do this kind of excrement all of the copulating time! I'm so divinely-confounded sick of it!"*

See what I mean?


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## HisBeautifulWife (Jun 18, 2008)

We don't curse in this house because it's just unsavory.
I cringe when other people curse in public, especially
in front of their children.

HOWEVER I can't turn my nose up at anyone because I used to curse all of the time. I cursed like I was drinking water until I met my husband and he told me that he didn't curse and he found it unattractive when others did.

I thought "whatever fool!" But as I got to know him, I found that even in the most frustrating situations, his language was always classy. That inspired me to change because most of the time cursing really is unnecessary.


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## Kathryn B (Jan 23, 2007)

My response to the use of "foul language" from my children (or nieces and nephews) has been a bored-sounding, "You know, that's really not very polite... it might be better if you said it a different way." I strongly encourage a broad vocabulary because, like it or not, people who go around dropping F-bombs, etc. tend to be regarded as less-than-intelligent; it just makes a really bad impression and it can greatly limit the individual's interpersonal mobility in a variety of situations. Just as personal hygiene can be important in helping others to be comfortable around us, the language we choose is important as well. Some people may choose not to bathe or brush their teeth regularly and that is up to them, but we can't really blame other people for not wanting to be around them.

Just my opinion


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## CompostMom (Jun 9, 2008)

I soo can't believe that many of you don't censor your childrens language. I try to teach my children by example. I expect them to be on their best behaviour when not in our presence. We get compliments on their behaviour all the time both while they are with us & when they are not. This means we are doing our job. Trying to teach them to be upstanding, quality adults. I want them to be able to get any job they want. I hate to hear constant cussing on a movie or in public. I just cringe. This is also how I was brought up and everyone I know for that matter. I am the first to admit that both Dh and I let a few choice words slip on occasion. But at that time the kids are on full alert and know something big is wrong. We are human and all make errors. My kids (all three) are quick to catch when someone says a bad word and it bothers them. If I let one slip they are apt to be heard saying "MAMA" watch your mouth, especially my 5 yr old. As for my older ones I do not allow them to use profanity but on the other hand it has never really been a big issue. In our house it's just understood. It to me is also about respect for oneself and others around you.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

We don't censor our language, we don't swear every sentence, but we do swear. Our dd is complimented often on her kindess, politeness and respectfulness.


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## fanniefarkle (Oct 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ninelives* 
I think most swear words are ridiculous. It's when you stop and think about the literal meaning of the words, that you realize how ridiculous they are. Suppose, for example, that a couple had an argument like this:

*"I can't copulating believe it. That eternally-condemned plumber sent us a bill for five hundred copulating dollars!"

"What the abode of condemned souls? You should have gotten a copulating quote, before you let that illegitimate son work on the pipe!"

"Well, how the abode of condemned souls was I supposed to know? If I'd have known that son of a female dog would charge us this condemned much, I'd have told him to shove it in his rectum!"

"Bovine excrement! You do this kind of excrement all of the copulating time! I'm so divinely-confounded sick of it!"*

See what I mean?









rotflmro rolling on the floor laughing my rectum off

most teens are going to swear or use by-words whether they hear it at home or not. For me it began as a way to rebel, but then it became habit. These days, I do not make a habit of swearing, but if I have a near-miss traffic, one may slip out. Personally, I do not like to be around people who are swearing.


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