# not sure where i belong right now - updated



## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

right now i am still pregnant but the baby won't survive

i had my first loss last december, the baby died at 14 weeks and was born at 18 weeks. this pregnancy had been going good at then at the 19 week ultrasound it showed almost no amniotic fluid. we have been checked a few times since then and they all show the same thing, there is no fluid and they can't find one of the baby's kidneys or bladder (the other kidney is severly damaged). the dr's figure it is chromosonal and we go for an amnio this week. the main problems i have is we have been told that this baby very likely will survive to term only to die then (no bladder,working kidneys and no way for the lungs to develop with no fluid). they are giving us the option of inducing labor as soon as we want which would of course result in the baby dieing.
i am so torn... to choose to end the baby's life seems so cruel and who am i to make that choice and of course i would always live with the guilt that i choose this and what if they were wrong (though after all the tests we have been through i am confident that they are not). then the flip side is how do i go through another 4 months of pregnancy knowing the baby won't live, how do i handle the "oh your pregnant" statements and worst of all how do i give birth to another baby that has dies around the holidays, i don't know if i could emotionally handle that.

has anyone been through this sort of thing and is willing to share your story?

thanks for listenning

tara


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## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

Im so sorry Tara, I really am... You must feel so sad









I dont know what to say to make this all even a little easier for you, I just read this thread and felt so strongly for you.


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

tara I am so so sorry







My heart is breaking for you. I haven't been thru what you are going thru but just wanted to send you a big


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## armonia (Mar 24, 2002)

I am so sorry for your previous loss and what you are going through now.

I think I would just take it one step at a time...go for the other tests, get the results, and then decide from there.

What a really sad situation...I am so very sorry once again.


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## weetzie (May 29, 2003)

I am so sorry. I have nothing productive to add, but just can tell you how very sorry I am.


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Tara,







I'm so sorry.

When I was reading your post, it struck me that main difference in your two senarios is whether labor begins naturally or is induced. With your baby, sadly, it won't make a difference in the outcome if you wait all those months or not. I don't think it would be cruel for you to induce labor, I think it's cruel that this has happened to you and your baby at all.

Does you hospital have a specialist in Medical Ethics you could speak with? I had a friend in a similiar situation who did that and it helped her a lot.


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Wow, I am so sorry that you have to go through the loss of another baby. Life is so unfair! Does your heart tell you one way or another what you should do?


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that you find the support and guidance that you need. I wish that there was more that we could all say or do to help.


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

Dang it!!!!! I so wish there was a way to make this rule true...that no grieving mother should ever endure a second loss. But I guess if I could make this true, I would just go after the rule that no mommy ever knows what it is like to lose a baby.

I am so sorry that you are faced with this situation. I wish I knew the answer. I wish I knew a way to help ease your pain. I wish I knew a way to make everything better. Unfortunately, as every grieving mother knows, there's just really no right answer. In trying to write this response, I tried to think of what I would have done had I known Connor was going to die. As much as I appreciate the outfits that the hospital gave to me, I wish I would have been able to choose them. I wish I would have had one of those frames where you can put handprints and footprints in the mold. There plenty more but what would you want to do? Is there something that you would remember fondly doing with or having as a keepsake of your beautiful baby?

As for whether to induce now or wait, only your family's heart will be able to answer this. Once you get the results of the amino and all doubt of the outcome is gone, there is no wrong decision. You and your family will be choosing what is best for your family and your baby. No one can judge that (although I know some will but I'm pretty positive they are not grieving any of their children). We will be here to support and listen!

I'm so sorry!!!!


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

Dear Tara,

I'm so very sorry
















While I have *not* been through a similar experience, I did go through a three week period during my first pregnancy when the perinatal department of the hospital where I received prenatal care was convinced that DD was anencephalic and had trisomy 18 after an initial ultrasound at 18 weeks. The perinatologists decided to do another ultrasound at 21 weeks but held out little hope. Ultimately did see DD's brain 3 weeks later---but DH and I did spend 3 agonizing weeks struggling with what we would do if our precious daughter truly was anencephalic and unable to survive after birth.

I did find several discussion forums on the web providing support and information for families struggling with these sorts of heartbreaking decisions. They were very helpful to me during that period of time. Please let me know if you'd like me to PM the URLs to you.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Many hugs to you and your family as you walk through this. You will be in my thoughts.


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## Diane~Alena (Aug 23, 2004)

I have talked to a few moms who have had to make this choice when faced with a pottersyndrome baby. I have to say that I would carry the baby as long as you are able, if life inside the womb is all you will have with this baby why not enjoy every moment you can with the child? I know you are the only one who can make this choice because you are the one who will have to live with the second thoughts. i chose to let my son go, he was born early and I thought he wouldn't have had a chance at having a real life so I let him go. I regret my choice so much but I know that if I had allowed him to go to the nursery and he had suffered for not I would have been regreting that tone of my friends had a baby with many issues but she thought she was doing best by carrying her baby no matter what and now she thinks her baby suffered inside the womb. My heartbreaks for you, I will support you no matter what choice you make.


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## Diane~Alena (Aug 23, 2004)

I almost forgot to tell you about the MISS foundation on the site forum there is a women names Sue she has a little boy that had no hope of life but she carried him to term and had many wonderfull hours with him. She is a wonderfull lady that I think can give you a great hope for what can still be. I will tell her to look out for you. I will post the link to the fatal diagnoses area of that board Sue is always there, along with other moms that can help you. You will find many different choices there but Sues is my favorite she is so "at peace" with her choice.

http://www.missfoundation.org/forums...hp?act=SF&f=11


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Tara. I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through this. Many many Hugs to you.
Whatever you choose, do not feel guilty. You are giving your baby the best that you can. You are giving him/her all the love you have in your heart. You also have to think about Cailyn, and being able to still be there for her. If that means inducing labor early, then that is what you need to do. We're all here for you.







:


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

Oh, Tara! I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I was also due in December and remember you from the TTC board and the Dec board. The other ladies had wonderful words of wisdom for you. I wish you luck in finding the answers you need.


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I have no words of wisdom but you will be in my thoughts.







s


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## weesej (Apr 19, 2003)

I have met several women who were pregnant and knowing the baby would not survive carried to term. They all wanted all the time they could with the baby. 2 chose to birth at home so the birth would be quiet and peaceful and they could have as much time as they needed with their baby. Any induced labor is going to be more difficult especially this early on-- your body doesn't understand what is going on.

I wanted to add that one of these mamas was carrying a Trisomy baby and would tell people with questions that this baby is special--he has a Trisomy disorder and will on be in this world a short time. That is also what she told her children.

A friend doula of mine supported a mom with a Potter's syndrome baby that she carried until labor began about 1 month early. Baby lived a short time and the doula was there as labor support, took pictures of the family together and kept family members inthe waiting room updated. No matter what you will need alot of support through this wether you decide to induce labor no, or wait. I highly suggest finding someone to doula you...you will need it.

You and your sweet baby are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

i thank you all for your support. this board helped me so much when i lost Keena and it is nice to be among people who aren't sending off the vibe *why are you putting US through this again* sigh...

i am not getting a vibe either way and that saddens me. because of the risk of pre eclampsia this baby will have to be hospital delivered, which really bothers me. i was induced with my last miscarriage and know how much harder it is to go that route, i had over 10 hours of hard labour and the baby was only 14 weeks big. intellectually i am leaning more towards sooner rather then later mainly due to the fact that the holidays are going to be hard enough with it the anniversary or Keena's death and that this is when this baby is due, i had such a hard time keeping it together last year that i am scared to be pushed over the edge, i want my daughter to have a good christmas. but when i think i am ok with that i panic and think maybe this baby has a reason for being here that i don't yet know. i do believe in the spirit baby concept and i am sure this is the same baby as last time and if we decide to try again it will be the same baby again.

pugmadmama - what does a specialist in Medical Ethics do? i will inquire about it when we go in for our next appointment

wilkers - your post gave me ideas of what i can do to have keepsakes of this baby, and reminded me to think of after and not just the right now.

StillForest - i would appreciate the URL's. i am so happy your story turned out to be one of the good ones. we were hoping for a similar mistake and that is really what kept me going after the first scan,but we have had 3 scans that all showed the same thing and another one set for this week









Diane~Alena - thank you for that link, i will check it out.

weesej - thank you for the suggestions, i have a great midwife that is planning on being with us the whole time, she was incredible when we lost Keena and went above the call of duty to make things peaceful and memorable. i also really appreciate the suggestion on how to handle the *are you pregnant* question, it seems like a minor thing but it was one of the things that was really bothering me

thank you all again

tara


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *taradt*
...pugmadmama - what does a specialist in Medical Ethics do? i will inquire about it when we go in for our next appointment...

When my friend met with one, it sounded like she was a cross between a psychologist and a medical professional. She shared with them what was ethically acceptable in that hospital and in the medical community at large in their situation. She encouraged them to factor in their own personal beliefs as well before making a decision.

Have you ever seen a therpist that you liked? This seems like an issue where a neutral third party could really help you sort through your feelings and fears.








Please be tender with yourself. Try to let go of things like guilt. You are obviously a loving, caring person so your decision, whatever it is, will come from that place. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, so very sorry.


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## Katana (Nov 16, 2002)

I just wanted to send you some























I'm sorry, mama.

Peace and love to you.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I am just so sorry. I wish I could tell you something that would help. You helped me so much right after I lost Arawyn. I do suggest that you go to special needs parenting and check out the post your childs diagnosis thread. There was a mama there who was carrying her baby to term even though they knew the baby wouldn't make it. I will be thinking about you and your daugher and spirit baby.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

tara







, Reading your story brought tears to me. I feel in your words the deep love you have for this baby. If that love were not strong this wouldn't be such a difficult decision.

Please know whatever you decide that your baby feels your love and knows how deeply you want and care for him.

I've never been faced with a decision like this. I can only imagine how difficult this must be. Wilkers8 put it so beautifully

Quote:

As for whether to induce now or wait, only your family's heart will be able to answer this. Once you get the results of the amino and all doubt of the outcome is gone, there is no wrong decision. You and your family will be choosing what is best for your family and your baby. No one can judge that (although I know some will but I'm pretty positive they are not grieving any of their children). We will be here to support and listen!
You're going to have to dig very deep into your heart and make the decision that feels best for you. We're here as listners to support you in your decision.

Please make sure you're taking care of yourself through this. It's so imporant now that you eat healthy and keep hydrated. Your body is going through a lot now and you need to care for yourself as much as possible.

Many







's to you. You and your family are in my thoughts.


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## crayon (Aug 24, 2002)

My friend and I were just talking about this very thing tonight- I have a bone condition and in some forms of my condtion (not the one I have) the baby would die and have multi broken bones- so not only hard to deal with for the parents but very hard and painful for the baby. I have never faced the door you are at, so I would not know what to tell you, and even if I had, I think it is a personal choice and one that not better either way. It is painful if you chose to stop it now or let it run its course- so to say. And no one has the right choice.

Have you asked your doctors how painful this is for the baby? I mean if the baby has feeling when it is born it has to feel something inside right? I dont know if I could keep going if I knew my baby would hurt or hurt after the birth. But like I said I have not faced that door!

I am thinking of you, and I am very sorry for your losses.


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## LadyWulf (Aug 11, 2004)

First of all i want to say how terribly sorry i am for you having to go through this. It simply isn't fair.

I once knew a lady (on another message board) who went through something similar to your situation. Her and her DH decided to continue the pregnancy to term. They were at peace with this decision and when their little girl was born they got a beautiful peaceful 6 hours with her before she passed.

I don't know what i would do personally since i have never been faced with any sort of decision as difficult as this. I hope the best for you and your family. You will be in my thoughts


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## Soogie (Feb 7, 2002)

Tara- many hugs to you and your family. This is a decision that no one should have to make. A friend of mine found out that her son was anacephalic at her 20 week ultrasound. Her doc at the time offered to induce her labor. But she and her husband felt that it wasn't their decision to make. She knew that her son would not survive after birth but yet she decided that she was going to treat her pg as if it were normal, and prayed everyday for the strength to follow her path of motherhood. She took care of herself, took Bradley classes, and the people around her treated her and her son, Isaiah, as they would have any other expectant mom. She had two baby showers, decorated the nursery, and enjoyed the journey. She went on to have a natural labor and Isaiah lived for 11 hours. Most anacephalic babies do not live more than an hour or 2 after birth, but her doctor attributed his amazing 11 hour life on earth to her taking good care of herself throughout her pg. She was even able to put him to her breast. She mourns his loss but finds comfort in knowing that she was able to have him, hold him, smell him, nurse him, even for a short time.

Her's is just one path to choose but the one you make will be the right one for you and your family. My heart is heavy with sadness for you...

with tears,
susan


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## shai (Aug 10, 2004)

((((tara))) im so sorry sweetie. I will just add on another hug to the already many hugs u have been given.


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## SamuraiEarthMama (Dec 3, 2002)

i'm so sorry, tara, that you are going through this.

a dear friend, forced to make a similarly terrible decision, told me that she sat quietly meditating on her choices, specifically visualizing the different potential outcomes of her decisions. she noticed how she felt, emotionally and viscerally, about each outcome, and particularly noticed when the decision felt WRONG... it twisted her gut, and just felt bad. she chose the path that "felt" most right to her, that gave her the most peace to consider.

i would also urge you to take your time and be mindful of your decision... don't let anyone rush you. once you are at peace and most confident of your choice, it will be an easier path to walk. if you are pushed in a direction you are unsure about, you will always have a niggling doubt in the back of your mind.

you owe it to yourself (and your baby) to be certain of your decision.

thank you so much for trusting us with your story, and listening to our ideas... we cannot imagine your pain but we hope our tears and gentle words to you help ease your mind just a bit.

i will be thinking of you and your family. you are stronger than you know.

in peace,

katje


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

I was just thinking of you today and wanted to post a hug


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Tara, I just saw this now and I'm so sorry for you. I've known you for a while both from this board and from TTC. Please know you and your sweet baby are in my thoughts.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

thank you to those of you that have shared links and stories, it really is sad that so many woman have had to go through similiar situations. and of course all the positive thoughts and hugs are very much appreciated

katje - after reading how your friend choose what to do, it was like a light bulb went off and it became clear what i needed to do.

i realized the other why i was feeling so much guilt, after much meditating and talking with the baby i realized that what my heart was telling me to do and what my brain was telling me i should do were conflicting. i was feeling that i would be judged and not doing things *natural* if i choose the earlier option, but knowing in my heart that that is what i had to do and what the baby was telling me had to be done, once i figured that out i had the most vivid dream that the baby was telling me it was ok and he was ready to go.

we did go back for another scan and to try the amnio but there was barely any liquid at all, they did find the baby's bladder and the other kidney but it is even more damaged then the first one. the main concern for me is the lack of liquid, i was able to very clearly feel the baby's head and it scared me to realize how unprotected he/she is in there.

we are looking at inducing next weekend, but first i need one last scan to set myself at ease that things have not gotten better. i am really scared about having to be in the hospital that i hate so much for something so private and personal, but sadly there is no other option.

thanks for listenning

tara


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Tara, I've been thinking about you alot the last few days. I'm glad you were able to come to a peaceful decision. Please keep in touch to let us know how you are feeling and know we will all be thinking about during this difficult time.


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

going out to you.

Only you can know what is the right thing to do. Take care of yourself.

McLisa


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Wow Tara, I'm glad that you were able to really *sit* with yourself and come to a decision that you feel is true to your heart and your babies' spirit. Katje's words were also very powerful for me when I read them.
This has got to be an extremely difficult time for you and your family. Sending lots of prayers and support your way.

ST


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

Tara,

I'm so glad that you were able to come to a decision that feels right for you, your baby and the other members of your family. I've been thinking about you and will be sending lots of hugs, support and positive thoughts in your direction. Plese stay in touch and know that we'll be here for you as you walk through this.

Peace and healing to you and your family,

Sharon


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Tara, I am sending you love and support.


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

also sending you lots of love and support. i'm thinking of you, and am so sorry you're going through this.


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## Katana (Nov 16, 2002)

Here's some more love and more hugs for you.































You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Tara, I just wanted to send some more










































and peaceful thoughts. I know how hard being induced in the hospital is. I will be thinking of you.


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

It is very obvious from your post that you are at peace with this decision. I am very thankful for this, as your family deserves nothing less.

My thoughts will be with you and your family.


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## ChildoftheMoon (Apr 9, 2002)

Tara-just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I am sending you all the healing and loving thoughts I can muster. You are strong and love your children. This is not an easy thing to get through, but remember, we are all here for you.
love, Brandi


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

we go in tommorow for the final scan and to start lamenaria, then induction will start thursday. even though i know this is the right choice and i feel comfortable i am still quite scared to go through this again. i also know once all the planning and thinking is over then the real heavy duty grief will start sigh...

tara


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Tara, we're all here, hugging you and holding you and your family up during this awful time. I hope you find peace and love during this journey.


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Tara, I wish I could say something, anything to ease your pain just a little. I am holding you gently in my heart and thoughts.


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## dani76 (Mar 24, 2004)

Tara, I am so sad for what you and your family is going through right now. I'm glad that you were able to make as much peace with your decision as you can. Take good care of yourself and we will all be keeping you and your family in our thoughts.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Please know that I am holding you close to my heart and that I will have a candle lit first thing Thursday morning for your sweet baby.

hugs and love to you mama!!!


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

~thinking of you and your sweet Angels~


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

I will be keeping you in my thoughts throughout the weekend. Know that you can let it all out here, if you need to. We will be here for you.


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Tara,







I'm thinking of you today.


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

Tara,

You and your family are in my thoughts. Lots of love and hugs to you. I will also be lighting a candle for you and your baby.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

we went in for our final ultrasound, which right before they had us fill in all the admittance papers and the consent forms ect.. when the dr came in to do the scan we noticed that there was a bit more fluid then last time (it is now about what it was when they first noticed problems so still very very very low but much better then last week), he also found both kidneys and said they looked a bit better then last time. we weren't too sure what to make of the information and went back and forth and finally asked the dr what he thought. we figure the baby must be producing fluid now or else there would have been none but it might still not be enough and there could still be badly damaged kidneys. he did say based on what he saw today versus what he has been seeing he now thinks the baby could have a survival rate as high as 10 % (last week he would have said 1% and even that was generous). he also said there is a chance that this could have been a viral infection that the baby may be recuperating from, he gave it a 50-50 chance that it is viral vs chromosonal. anyways with that information and the great pocket of fluid we had we went for the amnio (successfully this week) and will wait until we get the results, if it is chromosonal then we are back to square 1 and will more then likely be back to having to induce, but if it shows it is not then there is a chance this baby may actually pull through, we won't know if there has been brain damage or other major damage because we don't know what the baby has/how long it has gone on, but they will do a major scan if that is the case and we will try to find out a bit more.
so while things are still pretty bad they are better then they have been for weeks, we are all pretty shocked by the turn of events and are really hoping and praying that it is a good sign not just putting off the inevitable

tara


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

What a rollercoaster to be on emotionally. Find the support you need as you continue to struggle.


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

My goodness Tara, my thoughts are with you and your family as you ride this rollercoaster. You sound fairly strong right now, which has got to help.
Here's hoping this little one knows how many people are pulling for you all.


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

My goodness! Take good care of yourself and surround yourself with love and support. You and your family are in my thoughts. Your baby will be in my prayers and we'll all be here to support you as you walk through this. Hugs to you and your family


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

Tara, I am pleasantly shocked. I realize that you and the baby are not out of the woods by a long shot, but at least there is a long shot. Please know that I will be thinking of you. Keep us informed on how the baby is doing when you can.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)




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## armonia (Mar 24, 2002)

Please baby keep getting better for your family that loves you.

Hugs to you mama. I sure hope that good news continues.


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Tara









I only imagine how emotionally draining this has been for you and your family. Please take good care of yourself and let other care for you as well. You and your family continue to be held in my thoughts and in my heart.


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

Tara







I am praying for you & your little babe. Hang in there Mama!


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I have been thinking of you. I am hoping that everything continues to look better.







s


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## mamabean (May 1, 2002)

tara-
my ds was born with posterior urethral valves(genetic) which is a form of obstructive uropathy which is a blockage in the urethra that damaged his kidney(only one formed) and bladder-it's all stretched out. his condition was completely undiagnosed-i had planned a homebirth-had no fluid when my water broke and he was breech so we went to the hosp.- he was born with lung troubles(almost died)-was intubated for 6 days and has some mild lingering asthma because of it. ofcourse, the larger health issue that we had to deal with was his kidney disese. he started peritoneal dialysis at night at home when he was 10 months and was transplanted(twice) when he was 2. it's been a tough road but he is now a thriving, about to go to preschool, potty trained three and a half year old. i used to belong to an email group for parents of kids with kidney disese if you are interested....contact Erin at [email protected] to join. they are an excellent source of support and i have heard several stories from them of being told to abort and making the decision not to.


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## peaceful mama (Jan 6, 2003)

Tara,
I just saw your thread for the first time and I wanted to send you BIG hugs! I will include you and your family in my prayers each night! Sending you so much support and love. What a strong Mama you are!
Jill


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

I'm so glad to hear that the doctors have been able to give your family some hope. I know how wonderful even the smallest bit of hope can be during emotional times. My wish...that this hope just keeps growing for you and your family!


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Tara,
I am thinking of you and your sweet baby. I am sending all of the love and positive energy I have towards your little one. Hold on Baby.


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## fernlink (Jul 24, 2003)

Good luck Tara with all the doctor visits and in dealing with all the stress. It is amazing the decisions we are forced to make in these days of technology. I hope it turns out that you don't have to make a decision after all...


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## Simisma (Nov 20, 2001)

You are in a very difficult situation. We had a trisomy 13 baby boy in July who lived for 2 hours after his homebirth. His due date was September 4. We had an amnio in mid April to get the diagnosis, then chose to continue the pregnancy. I was so grateful when we were able to switch to an experienced midwife who advised me to go on with it. It was hard to see the hopeful smiles of the passersby. Sometimes I was able to tell people that he would be different, other times it was just hard. Are you feeling your child move already? I am afraid I didn't bond much with our son during the pregnancy. That is my one regret. It was wonderful to meet him, and be flooded with the love that I had been holding back. Like you, I worried that choosing to end the life inside me would be hard to live with. For me, the months of pregnancy were preferable to possible years of guilt/ or wondering what would have been. It is a hard decision to have to make. In the end, all we can really do is love our children. I wish I had loved William more while he was inside me. I guess I was protecting myself, knowing we were going to lose him. Whatever you decide, know we are here surrounding you with warmth and light. Dana


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## homebirthing (Nov 10, 2002)

Tara,

I am holding you and your family so close to my heart as you go through this incredibly difficult journey. Please know that there are a lot of prayers said everyday for you and your baby. Big hugs.

Sarah


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

we got our genetic results back and it isn't good news. the baby has a rare genetic disorder trisomy 9. he/she seems to have the full version of it and in reading the limited information out there it seems because of the internal organ damage the baby has no chance at survival. while this seems to be the final blow part of me is happy that we now have awnsers and that i can begin the grieving/healing process, i feel like i have been on hold for the past 5 weeks and that is really starting to take it's toll on me.
we talk with the specialist on tuesday and then will likely induce tuesday or wednesday.

thank you all again for your stories and support in this very trying 5 weeks

tara


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## ChildoftheMoon (Apr 9, 2002)

Tara, my love, I am so sorry. My heart and thoughts are with you. Your sweet babe feels your love and you will always be mama to your angel. I am here for you if ever you need me. Please feel free to pm at any time.
Peace and healing to you and your family.
Love, Brandi


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

Tara I am so sorry


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Tara, I have been holding you, your baby and your family in my heart and I will continue to do so. I'm sending you my loving support.


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

Tara, I am so very sorry. Please know that we will all be there with you in spirit as you go through this difficult time. I will be praying for you and your family.


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

I'm so sorry Tara, You've been so very strong through all of this, I just can't imagine how you've hung on.
I've been thinking of you often and will continue to do so.
If there is anything at all that you need, please do not hesitate to let us know.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I am so sorry. I will be thinking about you this week.







2 to you and your family.


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

2
I'm so sorry.


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

I'm so sorry


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## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

((((Tara)))) You are in my thoughts







2 Please take care of yourself - we are all here for you.


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


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## peaceful mama (Jan 6, 2003)

Sending love to you and your family!
Much Love,
Jill


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

Dear Tara,

I'm so very sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts.
Loving and healing thoughts, warmth, and light to you and your family as you walk through the coming days.





















2


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Tara, Just wanted to let you know that you've been in my thoughts.







2


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

2


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