# Mahlah's story



## karen t. (Mar 2, 2002)

couldn't sleep, so i was roaming the web and found you guys.
i was saddened and yet encouraged to read so many similar stories of loss. on may 29, 2001, i went into labor (first pregnancy, full term, completly healthy) and gave birth to a beautiful girl. she was still....strangled by the cord that should have given her life...we started out at the birth center with my wonderful midwife (and now very precious friend). she checked me every seven minutes. everything was going smoothly, until she came by to check, and her face turned white....my husband woke up. she said "get up. we are walking across the street to the hospital. be prepared for an emergency c-section.!" i was so tired...it still seems like such a bad dream...the er nurses scrubbed my belly with betadine (spelling?) and shaved me..Kathy my midwife said the ob doctor on call must perform a c-section, we cannot detect her heartbeat...Kathy said to be strong, and she started an iv, and put an oxygen mask on my face...my husband was crying.....the doctor came and said first he wanted to break my water and also do an internal electrode monitor on her sweet head, then he would determine if it was worth it...worth it?! i told him that any thing in my power to bring Mahlah here and breathing is dang worth it!!! he said (as she was struggling worse) that she would more than likely have brain damage. that's not up to him, now is it? the longer he takes, the harder it is for her. i begged him to cut me open and get her out. Kathy was arguing with him.....my husband was demanding another doctor....he said it's not worth risking my life for a possibly damaged child.....poor sucker, he cuts babies out of their mothers every day....and yet, he couldn't bring himself to fight for her, to give her a chance. i told him it's my child. mine, not his. my child in any outcome. but he went away. and i laid there listening to my husband wail on the er floor with all of those nurses staring at him, crying too. the head nurse called another doctor, but it had been too late......about ten hours later, with family and friends around, Mahlah came into this world, just quietly sleeping...she wasn't upset, just sleeping. she was 21.5 inches long and 7lbs. 3oz. she had big cheeks to collect many kisses and black curls for me to comb..my husband washed her and dressed her....Kathy, my midwife had done labor and delivery for 18 years in a hospital, and six at the birth center as a midwife. she had never lost a baby before. two days later, my husband and i , and Mahlah in her little coffin drove down to georgia, and burried her next to my mother...this was her first grandbaby....she gets to hold her forever now. they know each other well....grief is not something we go through, as if there's an end. it is something you enter into and learn to live with. i've learned to live with my precious and wonderful mom not being here, and so now with my daughter, sweet Mahlah. her nursery still waits for her. little clothes and letters her dad wrote to her...her walls have hebrew written on them. her name is hebrew, my heritage from my father's side of the family. her name means tender. and on the walls, a special verse for me. one that is a comfort and a promise that all is not lost, or ever forgotten. PSALM 139:13-16 "....for you created my inmost being.you knit me together in my mother's womb. i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made. your works are wonderful, i know that full well. my frame was not hidden from you when i was made in the secret place. when i was woven together in the depths of the earth. your eyes saw my unformed body. all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." her life was celebrated as we read this at her funeral. i hold all of you in my thoughts as you miss your precious children. be encouraged, none of us are alone. i am grateful for you all. fondly, karen t.


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## azmountainmama (Nov 20, 2001)

check your user cp, i pm'd you.


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

{{{karen}}} it took me 3 goes to be able to read mahlah's story. my heart goes out to you & your dh.


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## lunarmomma (Nov 18, 2001)

karen,
I am so so sorry for your loss. Your story made me cry.
May your heart heal from this, may the pain that breaks your heart open bring you joy somewhere, somehow down the line.
Sending you hugs and love
please be very gentle with yourself in the coming days and weeks...


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## ediesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

karen,

I don't really have anything to say. I think I will sit quietly and think of you, Mahlah, and your dh.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Karen, your story is so close to my heart as you are now. I do agree with you greif has no end, only a begining. It's a journey with many paths. Remember, only you get to choose which paths to go down.

Mahlah knows your deep love for her and she takes it with her. Please know that the women hear care and are hear for you.


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## Brandonsmama (Dec 25, 2001)

Karen, my heart and thoughts go out to you today. I cry for you, with you, and for my babies that were not ever able to be held by me. If you ever need a friend to talk with, feel free to pm me. I am sending gentle and healing energy to you. Sandi


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## LEmama (Nov 21, 2001)

(((Karen))) We read psalm 139:1-18 at our son Henry's memorial service...thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story.

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I hope that you will find peace, and the support you need to hope again.

Sending love your way, dear mama...


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## jordmoder (Nov 20, 2001)

(((karen))) we also read Psalm 139 1-18 at our sweet Jacob's memorial service.

being so close to life and death has helped me to know just how precious life is, and how much we are given that we tend to take for granted

thank you for opening your heart and telling us Mahlah's story; there are gentle readers here

are you getting the love and support you need to process this big life-thing? How are you and your DH doing now?

I'm glad you found us

Barbara


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## mahlahs daddy (Mar 6, 2002)

hi, everyone, i'm karen's husband. i just wanted to thank you for all the kind words that you have left for my wife and i. they have been a great deal of comfort to us.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Thank you for checking back with us. I hope the two of you are finding some peace. Please feel free to come hear whenever you need to.


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## Darci (Feb 10, 2002)

I wanted to tell you also that I am thinking of you and hope that you can find the peace to continue your journey. I also feel that grief is a journey with no destination; and as already stated you are the one who choses the path you will take. I pray for you the peace to chose the path created for you.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss. It makes me ill to hear how horribly that Dr. treated you abd your family. I am so very sorry.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

It has taken me awhile to post to this thread...I am just having a really hard time trying to find what to say....your post really touched me as well as brought back a few memories......

it is just so shocking that such a thing could happen....

I am so terribly sorry....

I am praying for you....


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