# Dominic's Story



## weesej (Apr 19, 2003)

I lost Dominic 6 years ago today. Just felt the need to share with those who have been there. It can still be hard, even as the years go by.

I found out I was pregnant the summer I was 18. I was a professional speedskater and just starting my season, so this was a major kink in my plans. I very much loved my boyfriend, Scott, so we decided to get married and start a family. I wanted to continue skating, but my morning sickness was so severe I could hardly get out of bed. The OB I was seeing gave my some medication to help it go away, but it made me dizzy instead of nauseous, not much of an improvement. I was unable to plan my wedding, so my Mom did it for me. I remember what a struggle it was for me to go and pick out my shoes, which my Mom finally got me to do 4 days before the wedding. I had lost 30 lbs. by the time I was married at 10 weeks pregnant. My wedding dress no longer fit and I could hardly keep it on my shoulders.
By the time I was 12 weeks pregnant, I had begun to feel much better. I decide to go to Wisconsin to watch my best friend in a series of races while Scott stayed home to work. I was bound and determined to keep up my old lifestyle. The morning of the first race, I began to feel some cramps, but dismissed them as normal. By 10 AM the cramps were getting much stronger and I was begging to get concerned. I told my friend that if I was gone when she had finished her race to look at the hospital which was conveinently located next door to the race track. I watched her race for a half an hour and by that time could feel my uterus contracting about every 2 and a half minutes. I walked over to the hospital and told them I was having cramps. It was about 11:30AM.
I was finally taken into the ER to be seen at about 2PM. When I changed into the gown, there was blood on my panties, and I just broke down. I knew, I was loosing the baby. I told my friend to go call Scott and tell him to come here. He was about 8 hours away. She downplayed it and just told him I was cramping and spotting, so he did not leave right away. I was sent up for an ultrasound at about 4:30. They catheterized my to pump fluids into my bladder, so they could perform the ultrasound faster. The baby was still alive and it was amazing to watch him moving inside of me. I asked for a picture to take with me and the ultrasound tech said no, he couldn't give copies during an emergency ultrasound.
I was discharged at about 5PM with a threatened miscarriage and told to stay in bed. I was 10 hours from home and 1 hour from the hotel. Where was I supposed to stay in bed. I wasn't even provided with a wheelchair, I walked out the door. I was still contracting this entire time. I waited outside the door for my friend to get the car and while I was waiting heard a very distinct POP and felt a gush. I went back inside to check my panties in the bathroom, but a nurse saw my and took my back to my partition in the ER.
The looked and said it looked like amniotic fluid. Finally my friend called Scott and he left to come and get me. They sent me up for another ultrasound at 6:30. This time the catheterization was excruciating. Now on the ultrasound there was no movement, the baby had died.
It was decided that I would be admitted to the hospital. I labored in the ER flat on my back, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I would get a contraction I would arch my back and moan. I was given some Stadol at 8PM. They moved me to an actual hospital room at 9PM. The Stadol took away the pain and put my into a drugged sleep. Not what I would choose now, but a blessing then.
I woke up at midnight and terrible pain and rang for the nurse to ask for more drugs. She said we'll see and left. I dozed on and off, but the pain was so bad, I rang her again to tell her I needed more Stadol. While they were in the room I urgently needed to use the bathroom and the nurse helped me onto the toilet and stood in the doorway to watch. When I went to urinate, I had an intense burning pain, and my baby fell out into the toilet. I was terribly upset and noticed that there were now about 5 nurses standing at the door watching me. I pushed again and felt another large plop, possibly the placenta. A nurse handed me a bottle to squirt off with and helped me off the toilet. I fainted twice on the way back to the bed. (Perhaps all those nurses came in handy after all)
Shortly after that some one came and administered more Stadol and I fell into a drugged sleep again. A woman came in a half an hour or so later and showed my baby. He was about 3-4 inches long and looked perfectly formed, right down to fingers and toes and even down to a little bitty penis.
A little while later, a doctor came in and asked for my consent to do a D&C, I said that I would like to avoid the surgery if possible. He told me Ok, but they would need to examine me and see if there was any remaining tissue. I thought that sounded reasonable, especially if I could avoid the surgery. They wheeled me back down to the ER to do the examination. I was so drugged I kept falling asleep. I remember the doctor inserting a speculum and something to re-dilate my cervix so he could see into my uterus. He began to pull the remaining pieces of tissue out of me. It was so painful that it was pulling me out of my drugged sleep. I don't remember if I was asking him to stop, or crying, or what. My mind has blanked a lot of this procedure out. He would apologize and I would pass out again only to be reawaked with another tug. After he finished tugging, he scraped the inside of my uterus for any remaining pieces. (I don't think about this part of it a lot, I even forgot to put it in the first draft of my story. My mind is keeping it buried quite well. Now that I know more about birth I think he may have performed a D&C anyway, without putting me under anesthetic. This is the first time I have admitted this to myself and I am so enraged that I am shaking. ) The next thing I remember is Scott coming in and holding my hand and I told him the baby was gone and fell back asleep.
They discharged me from the hospital the following day. Scott and I decided to stay in a local hotel and wait to drive back. We ate pizza for dinner. I remember how wonderful it tasted, it was the first time in several months I hadn't been nauseated. Then I felt so guilty for enjoying the pizza, because I had lost my baby to be able to enjoy eating again. I took a bath and Scott sat next to me and we cried together about our baby.
Several days after we returned home the Chaplin from the hospital called and asked if we would like to have the baby buried. The hospital buried children for free in the local cemetery. We did and I wish some one had shared this with me before we had left, it would have meant a lot to be there. We decided that if he was to be buried, then he should be named, so we called him Dominic, meaning "belonging to the Lord."
Losing Dominic has been the hardest part of out relationship so far. I feel very strongly that he was brought to us for a reason. He cemented Scott and I together through pain, and opened the way for to truly be thankful for Colin who would again bring us together through love.


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

Thank you for sharing your loss of Dominic.

I only lost my son four months ago and I often fear that I will forget the details or the feelings associated with this time as the years go by. Reading your post helps eliminate this fear as I read the heartfelt message you've written six years after your loss. Thank you.

Wishing you comfort and tons of support today and everyday.


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## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

Im so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I am so angry that the dr was so mean to you.


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## weetzie (May 29, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## armonia (Mar 24, 2002)

remembering Dominic today.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Thank you for your ever so special story and experience of birthing Dominic.








Thank you for trusting us to share your heart...

Love to you mama


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## julielp (Jul 16, 2004)

so sorry for your loss. I'm also glad to see that you remember so well. I lost my angel a month ago @ 21 weeks and I go over the story in my head all the time to make sure i remember every detail. I'm 18 and that is the same age that you were and my fiance and I have also been brought closer together through this experience. I wish that you could have been at your babies funneral. I had never been to one before my carter's and it really was a bit of closure. It was nice of him to be remembered as a real person and not "disposed" of as the hospital kept saying. I hope that your day isn't too sad but i'm sure he is happy to see that he is still in your heart and thoughts.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Thank you for sharing Dominic here with us. It is so amazing that you remember every detail like that 6 years later. I am so sorry that you had to lose him.


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## babycarrier (Apr 2, 2004)

It is overwhelming. Thank you for your honesty and sharing. Thank you for sharing Dominic.


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## kanpope (Mar 12, 2003)

Thank you for sharing your story. I came upon this post on accident during a search. It was so well written that I read the whole thing before realizing what forum I was in. I apologize for the intrusion.
Although I want to thank you for helping me to better understand (and be able to empathsize) how mamas feel when losing thier children. I appreciate your honesty and will always remember Dominic and your couragous journey.


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## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

I too, came along this post by accident. I am truly sorry for the loss of Dominic and think the name you chose for him was a perfect fit. I hope that posting your story further aids in your healing, and am grateful to see how you and yours turned this tramautic day into a strong foundation for your future.

Thank you for sharing.

Peace and love,
Katie


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## BinahYeteirah (Oct 15, 2002)

bs"d

Thank you for sharing Dominic's story.


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## weesej (Apr 19, 2003)

So many, many thanks to all of your wonderful and heartfelt replies. Loss is fresh for so many of you, my heart and prayers are with you.


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