# CPS called- what to expect?



## SunshineRocket (Mar 12, 2012)

::sigh:: My six year old's principal called me to inform me that my son would not be going on his classes camping trip because a mother called to say that my son had told her son he had seen a movie at home that was sexually explicit. 

The Principal spoke to my son and apparently he told him, "My mom watches inappropriate movies when I am sleeping on her bed" and he made a report to CPS. 

I do NOT watch porn with my kids on my bed or ANY time at all- the inappropriate videos are stupid pranks I watch on youtube that I DO tell my kiddos are sometimes inappropriate but do not contain the content that my son supposedly discribed to another child. 

I have a feeling I know which child this is- we used to be neighbors and he is very very sexually inappropriate and his mom is aware of that- we stopped associating with them over a year ago but lo and behold they attending our school now and he is in my sons class.

It is such a small school and I am so afraid that this is going to follow us through the entire time at this school... already my son is excluded from a camping trip. 

I am just baffled as to how this got all twisted- a mother complains about my son (hearsay).. the principal interviews my son alone without my permission and tells him of the accusations (which my son denied, first saying maybe his little brother had told him about the movie.. then saying "mom DOES what some inappropriate things on her laptop")

Anyway, just wondering what to expect from CPS. I will make sure my home is spotless but other than that... I don't know what to do.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

I don't know about CPS, but why are they excluding your son from a field trip? Unless he has some behavioral issue at school that made him ineligible, I don't think that is legal.


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## SunshineRocket (Mar 12, 2012)

The school got a call from a parent saying they didn't want my son to share a tent with her son and then said the whole thing about my son telling her son about a sexually inappropriate movie he saw.. This was Friday and the camping trip is Monday. The principal decided that they cannot trust my son around the other boys.. So he can't go camping. allegedly, the conversation had happened weeks ago but only Friday did the parent tell the school. The principal said he couldn't be sure my son wouldn't share any other such stories so he couldn't come. I understand his side- I really do. It just sucks so much for my little boy. My son is extremely sheltered and has never ever seen anything even remotely like the mom said he told her son about..


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

This is really sad for you son, and it doesnt sound legal. A child gets excluded from a school activity based on heresay? I wish i could offer you advice on how to deal with that issue.

As for the CPS, there are alot of threads on MDC that offer a wealth of information. Personally, I do not trust CPS would not open the door to them unless they had a warrant.


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## ducktapetherapy (Oct 13, 2014)

SunshineRocket said:


> ::sigh:: My six year old's principal called me to inform me that my son would not be going on his classes camping trip because a mother called to say that my son had told her son he had seen a movie at home that was sexually explicit.
> 
> The Principal spoke to my son and apparently he told him, "My mom watches inappropriate movies when I am sleeping on her bed" and he made a report to CPS.
> 
> ...


It's sad how things get blown out of proprotion. I am sorry you have to deal with this, and it's honestly hard to know what to expect. Just keep up the honest, open communication. HUGS!!

~Ducktapetherapy


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## SunshineRocket (Mar 12, 2012)

I spoke to the principal this morning and was able to look at the notes he took during his conversation with my son- it ONLY says that he asked my son if he'd seen any inappropriate movies at home and my son said, "yes, my mom watches inappropriate movies when I'm on her bed"...

Which is all TRUE! We don't have a tv- only a laptop and kindle. I sometimes watch things where inappropriate language or brief sexual stuff or violent appear and I ALWAYS talk to my son about it- "This is inappropriate, we don't behave like that... " etc.. 

So the principal really jumped to conclusions and assumed that he and my son were on the same page about WHAT inappropriate content- he stated that my son really seemed to "perk up" at the word inappropriate- and that is why he was conerned. With two little boys at home, that word somes up a LOT and my sister (who is child-free) has even mentioned that that is one of "our" words in my household..

I am much less concerned about CPS now that I understand the report that he gave them. He assured me that if he receives no more reports and no one observes any inappropriate (there is that word again!) behavor from my child that he will never be excluded again... 

And we did come up with a way that isn't IDEAL but my son was able to go on the trip- I am driving up tonight to get him and we will stay in a hotel and drive back down tomorrow. So, he won't miss out on the first day of fun and will still have a nice "overnight" experience to talk about with his friends (the hotel has an indoor pool) the principal just doesn't want him to be unsupervised around the kids while everyone in getting ready for bed and falling asleep since it is four boys per tent and their chaparone is right next the them in his/her own tent. 

Which still really sucks because I don't know WHO made the report about my son but this morning one of the moms refused to make eye contact with me whatsoever and totally seemed to be avoiding me- this is the lady whose son acted very sexually inappropriate in my home. 

Hopefully this all blows over and anyway it was an opportunity to discuss boundries, privacy and safety with my son. 

I do wonder if CPS will show up but I think just talking to the social worker and allowing her to talk to my son if necessary will be enough to put her at ease- my son is clearly not sexually abused to even exposed to sexual content so I am not very concerned.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this! You might just ask your son to describe the inappropriate scene to you that he was telling his friend about. It sounds like the principal called CPS simply based on your son using the word "inappropriate," without even bothering to ask for details about it. This seems like such a dumb move for a person who supposedly has lots of experience with kids. Kids may see something as inappropriate if there's the least bit of profanity, or even the word "fart" or someone farting!


If CPS does contact you, I'd let them know that you sometimes tell your kids that certain language or behavior that they're witnessing on a video is inappropriate to use with their friends, so you think that's why your son was calling the video inappropriate. You could also let them know what your son told you about the "inappropriate" video that he'd been talking about. The worker will most likely also want to confirm this with your son.


Additionally, regarding the other mom who you think was the one who complained: Is she aware that you stopped associating with them because of her son's inappropriate sexual behavior? If so, it seems quite likely that she's resentful and looking for a way to turn it around on you. You might be able to be reasonably sure if your son can remember which friend he talked with about the video. Also, although the principal probably can't volunteer the name of the parent who contacted him, you might see if he'd be willing to confirm whether it was this parent with a yes or no answer.


If you're able to find out for sure that it was this specific mom who made the complaint, I don't think you'd be out of line in telling the CPS worker, as well as the principal, that you think this other mom's resentful because you don't want your son associating with her son outside of school, and why.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

P.S. I remember helping in my younger daughter's Sunday School class once when one of the boys said something like, "I like inappropriate movies and computer games," and the teacher and I just laughed. And the Sunday School teachers at our church are mandated reporters, too. The word "inappropriate" is not a "red flag" for most normal people, IMO. 


About CPS, I think they only have 24 hours to respond to a call about suspected abuse -- but maybe it's different from state to state? At any rate, I'd say that if a week passes and you haven't heard anything, CPS probably has more important fish to fry and this report didn't even make it onto their radar.


It would be super cool if the principal is willing to call CPS again and admit that he thinks he overreacted about the word "inappropriate."


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## SunshineRocket (Mar 12, 2012)

The thing is - my son has no memory of it. He is pretty mature for his age and is big on right and wrong.. He didn't know exactly what the principal was talking about but just assumed he must have talked about something "bad" since the principal said he did.. And he promised not to do it again. 
I expect that kids often don't understand exactly what adults are saying but go along with it.. I know I did as a kid. 
Principal absolutely gave no sign when I mentioned the mom I suspected.. So he is keeping mum.
I really thought there was more to this whole thing the way the principal was talking on Friday but he seriously had no reason to react like he did and it really makes me worry about future events- if hearsay can cause so much trouble. Feel like we are living in a police state where I can be reported for any accusation


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## sillysapling (Mar 24, 2013)

Did he even ask your son to describe what he meant by "inappropriate"? As others have said- it can mean so many things. You could be watching a video where a kid, who's set up as clearly in the wrong, pushes down another and say "this is inappropriate" even though the video itself is _age_ appropriate. It's really awful to drag CPS in over that!

I've seen suggestions to set up cameras around the house to make sure everything the CPS worker does is recorded. Be prepared to bring a lawyer into it. I hope you won't have to, but CPS has gotten _nasty_ towards parents over basically nothing, so it's better to be prepared. CPS varies from state to state and county to county, so the only way to really know what to expect is to talk to other families in your area who've dealt with them.

Try to keep your house absolutely pristine until the person shows up. No dirty dishes. No piles of laundry.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

sillysapling said:


> Did he even ask your son to describe what he meant by "inappropriate"? As others have said- it can mean so many things. You could be watching a video where a kid, who's set up as clearly in the wrong, pushes down another and say "this is inappropriate" even though the video itself is _age_ appropriate. It's really awful to drag CPS in over that!......
> 
> *Try to keep your house absolutely pristine until the person shows up. No dirty dishes. No piles of laundr*y.


All good advice so far, but as far as the bolded is concerned, i dont wash the dishes to please some random strangers who work for the CPS, who have come to bother me because someone made a call that was an inappropriate response, to the use of the word 'inappropriate'.

In short, just dont open the door. My dishes are not the business of the CPS. Ask for a warrant if necessary, and if the dishes are part of the warrant, then let them inspect them then.

My dishes, my business!

Im sorry you have to go through this OP, but it does sound like the CPS have more important things to do, given the passage of time.


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## VocalMinority (Apr 8, 2009)

I'm sure CPS responses are different, from state to state, even county to county. But years ago, my neighbor made a very frivolous CPS report about me (I hate saying "CPS report about me" so much that I want to give all the details. But that's really not the point here. Let my emphasis suffice: it was REALLY ridiculous.)

Several days - maybe even a week - later, someone from CPS did show up. I think she called first, to let me know she was coming. She didn't even ask to come inside (although the report had involved my kids walking the dog, nothing inside our house). She stayed very briefly and expressed extreme annoyance about having been forced to leave the bedside of a hospitalized child, beaten by her parents, to come "investigate" this stupidity with me, because "some people" (my neighbor) don't understand what is and isn't appropriate to report.

Nevertheless, because a report was made she *had* to come out. I also *had* to follow up by bringing my kids to the CPS office and letting them be interviewed and photographed in their underwear, without me in the room. I was l-i-v-i-d about that. But the woman from CPS insisted it is part of their process; that if I cooperated that would be the end of it and if I refused they'd have to spend more time "investigating". So I cooperated and that really was the end of it.

Hopefully, it will be even less involved, for you. But I really think that, with rare exception, CPS workers tend to be so overloaded with kids who really do have problems that they're not any happier than you are, about having to spend time on kids who obviously don't.


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## SunshineRocket (Mar 12, 2012)

VocalMinority said:


> I'm sure CPS responses are different, from state to state, even county to county. But years ago, my neighbor made a very frivolous CPS report about me (I hate saying "CPS report about me" so much that I want to give all the details. But that's really not the point here. Let my emphasis suffice: it was REALLY ridiculous.)
> 
> Several days - maybe even a week - later, someone from CPS did show up. I think she called first, to let me know she was coming. She didn't even ask to come inside (although the report had involved my kids walking the dog, nothing inside our house). She stayed very briefly and expressed extreme annoyance about having been forced to leave the bedside of a hospitalized child, beaten by her parents, to come "investigate" this stupidity with me, because "some people" (my neighbor) don't understand what is and isn't appropriate to report.
> 
> ...


A CPS report involving children walking a dog meant that they needed to photograph your children in their underwear, without you present? That is insane... something like that would be tramatic to my six year old, who by his nature is more modest than a lot of kids- this is the sort of invasive thing that I am concerned about happening. The report was made Friday afternoon and I have heard (couldn't find anything online..) that they need to respond to reports within 10 days (24 hours for serious ones) so I won't relax until the ten days is up..


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## VocalMinority (Apr 8, 2009)

SunshineRocket said:


> A CPS report involving children walking a dog meant that they needed to photograph your children in their underwear, without you present? That is insane... something like that would be tramatic to my six year old, who by his nature is more modest than a lot of kids- this is the sort of invasive thing that I am concerned about happening.


Evidently, CPS' standard policy (_here_) is to spend a few minutes with kids, without any adults from their family, so the kids can feel safe reporting abuse, if there was any; and they check for signs of physical abuse which the kid may be lying, to cover up. Maybe my sons were subject to more stringent standards than in some cases, because they're developmentally delayed - and some developmentally delayed kids might not be able to verbalize a report of abuse?

I don't have a problem with any of that, as a general rule. What I find insane is that caseworkers can be as overtaxed as they are here, yet not be afforded the discretion to say, "This report was frivolous and we don't need to go the whole 9 yards, on this investigation."

But again, these are local regulations and it may be totally different where you are.


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## Viola P (Sep 14, 2013)

A CPS drop-in is the government coming into your home to judge you as a mother. Know that they will write everything you say down and will not hesitate to use it against you later. I work in this area and where i am the social workers are all terrified of being sued so they'd all rather take extreme action to "protect" a child than possibly expose themselves to litigation. They care less about what's best for children and more about what's best for their bottom line. Know what you are up against. Do not offer information that isn't requested and definitely talk with a lawyer first. Write down what was said, can you have a witness there? Get the name of the person interviewing you. Godspeed to you.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Make sure you dont have any of those fake foods lying around, i have in mind, the red beans, which a cps worker, in the interests of their bottom line, and without a warrant that states the specific purporse of their visit, could well photograph, and claim in court that it is feces.

This has happened.

I really dont see the need to open the door. But please, consult the manifold threads on mdc that contain much good advice, and links to information in case you need it. 

If i had the means, the first thing i would do is consult a lawyer and protect myself. I am someone who doesnt have that means, and there are many like me, That is to say, the poor are the biggest targets of cps abuse.

It sounds like you will be fine, but i wanted to mention that i came upon a poster the other day, with information on a big march in favor of cps reform.

fpafoundation.org


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## sillysapling (Mar 24, 2013)

There are states where the state actually gets federal money for each child in foster care, so the state has an incentive to "find" reasons to take parents from children. It got really bad in a few states where they got _extra_ money for taking native american children- in one case, they almost adopted out the children despite having _no_ reason for taking them in the first place! I'm not sure if anyone has stepped in and stopped that practice or not. There also is definitely a class issue. Rich people who can afford lawyers that CPS is afraid of can get away with a _lot_ of abuse. Poor people who are providing for their family but can't afford legal help or luxuries, CPS can come down on them basically without fear of repercussions.

It varies so much. State-to-state, county-to-county, worker-to-worker. Hopefully you'll get lucky and have a sympathetic social worker and this will all be over with easily. But be prepared just in case.

(I see no reason that the parent can't be present for the near-naked photos. Parents can't exactly cover up bruises. The kids should at least be asked if they want their parents there or not)


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