# I cant stand being around my 3 year old! he pushes me



## tracerall70 (Nov 12, 2009)

I am having a breakdown, shaking now and I am scared of what i could do to my 3 year old. he pushes me so much, i cant stand being around him. i am not working right now so i am forced to stay home and take care of him. he is very difficult. he whines all day long, has tantrums, throws things, pretty much out of control. i had to lock myself in my room because i am scared of hurting him!!! he makes me so angry that i start to shake. its like i am not myself anymore. this child is soooo bad! i have two other kids that are much older and they never were this way. i just grabbed him today and i swear i could have hurt him. please tell me i am not the only one going through this. i am a good person, i am not like this usually. this child has done this to me, he is making me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am not the type to sit around all day with a child. i am a "do-er", i like to stay busy all day but with him i cant breathe! he follows me around, i cant do simple things like laundry or clean the house without a meltdown. i never thought i would not like my own child, but right now i am regretting having him so bad!


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## Cujobunny (Aug 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tracerall70* 
I am having a breakdown, shaking now and I am scared of what i could do to my 3 year old. he pushes me so much, i cant stand being around him. i am not working right now so i am forced to stay home and take care of him. he is very difficult. he whines all day long, has tantrums, throws things, pretty much out of control. i had to lock myself in my room because i am scared of hurting him!!! he makes me so angry that i start to shake. its like i am not myself anymore. this child is soooo bad! i have two other kids that are much older and they never were this way. i just grabbed him today and i swear i could have hurt him. please tell me i am not the only one going through this. i am a good person, i am not like this usually. this child has done this to me, he is making me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am not the type to sit around all day with a child. i am a "do-er", i like to stay busy all day but with him i cant breathe! he follows me around, i cant do simple things like laundry or clean the house without a meltdown. i never thought i would not like my own child, but right now i am regretting having him so bad!









Oh my. I couldn't read and not post. I hope you are ok. It's normal for 3 year olds to be pretty intense. It sounds like he needs some things to keep him busy too.

It's too bad that you see yourself as being "forced" to be home with him... lots of people would be grateful for that opportunity. Try to find somethings in your area to do outside the home with him. Parks, library, playgroups, anything.

It is hard to keep up a former standard of "clean" when you are a SAHM but it can be managed. Would he be willing to help? My kids love to put the clothes in the washer and turn the dials (although they fight over who gets to do it...), also I give them a spray bottle of water and a cloth and they help dust.

Maybe go to the dollar store, get some craft and colouring supplies. Can you two sit down together and talk about what you would enjoy doing? Or sometime, maybe after he's asleep, get a pen and paper and write down what isn't working and brainstorm ideas to make it better.

In the mornings I just keep busy. We do something like go swimming at a local indoor pool, go to the library, go to a local park, go for a walk around the block, go out to the yard and chase each other, rake leaves and they play in the pile, anything to get out of the house. If the weather is bad then they paint or colour, draw, cut up flyers and glue them on paper, dress up (we have a treasure chest of costume jewelry, that's fun), put on some music and dance, break out their own musical instruments and make a bunch of racket, whatever. Yes it's more mess but it keeps them busy and there's always time to tidy up later.

I do allow some tv each day so I keep that to the evening right before supper because I need space and some quiet to prep dinner or else I will lose it.








mama... it's hard and it's a challenge to break yourself out of your routine and your comfort zone but your child and you deserve it. It's totally possible.


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

I just wanted to offer hugs, too. It IS hard, especially if you're not a SAHM by choice. (I am one by choice, and I still find it hard some days.)

I learned the hard way that when DS is awake, there is NOTHING else I need to focus on. I may feel like I *need* to do the dishes/laundry/whatever, but at the end of the day, DS needs me more. So there are two possible outcomes:

1. I struggle to do whatever chores I feel I have to do and end up frustrated and angry b/c it's taking 10 times longer with DS hounding me. DS ends up frustrated and sad and feeling rejected, making him even more clingy. And the chores don't get completely finished.

2. I ignore the chores and sit down with DS and read him a book, play with him, give him a snack.... He's happy and relaxed, and not tugging on me, which helps ME to relax, b/c even though I'm not doing the cleaning, I'm not feeling pressured and pulled on and guilty. House is a mess, but everyone in it is happy, including DH, who can't understand why the house is a mess but shuts up quickly when I remind him that at least we're not grumpy and crying when he gets home...

The other thing I learned was that DS needs to get out of the house. When he was a baby, afternoons were AWFUL b/c he had no nap routine so I kept him home, trying to get him to nap. He was MISERABLE. So now, if he's not sleeping, we're not at home. The only exception to this is the hour before DH gets home when I'm making dinner. And let me tell you, it's the hardest hour of the day! B/c despite him getting my attention ALL DAY LONG, he wants to be in the kitchen with me while I cook too.

Since your DS is old enough, maybe he could "help" you with some of the chores, like putting toys away or sorting laundry? Then he's involved with what you're doing, you can make games and talk to him while you're getting things done, and well, you're getting things done! Maybe not at the pace you could without him there, but it's better than nothing.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Tracerall70, may I ask how old you are? How old are your other children? Daughters? Sons? Do you have a partner at home?

Quote:

i had to lock myself in my room because i am scared of hurting him!!! he makes me so angry that i start to shake. its like i am not myself anymore. this child is soooo bad! i have two other kids that are much older and they never were this way. i just grabbed him today and i swear i could have hurt him. please tell me i am not the only one going through this.
*Good job putting yourself in another room when you were really angry with him!* You are a great mom for doing that! That's exactly what you should do. You could have chosen to physically lash out at him but you didn't. It's obvious that you care about doing the right thing.

I completely sympathize. I'm also a sahm mom, by the way. It is no coincidence that I started medication shortly after my own dear son _turned 3._ (I was having other issues with mood swings, as well.) He was behaving a lot like how you describe your son. I was spanking him more and more (was never going to spank him at all) and I was just angry all the time. I wasn't myself anymore.

Quote:

he whines all day long, has tantrums, throws things, pretty much out of control. .... i am not the type to sit around all day _with a child._ i am a "do-er", i like to stay busy all day but with him i cant breathe!
It sounds like he might be like you this way.







He's a 'do-er' and doesn't like to sit around all day with a grumpy mom. I agree with the others, He needs to get busy. Find a group. Take him to the park every day. Take him to story time at the library. Go to the mall. Sign him up for preschooler sports. He needs a routine, make sure he's getting lots of sleep, meals and snacks at the same time every day. Get him a small trampoline and put it out for him every day at the same time. "It's bouncing time!"

Check with your local park and recreation department for a _parent participation_ preschool. I did this with my son. He went 3 days a week, I worked there one day a week, and I learned soooo much about children this age. It was a huge relief.

If you have older children then you've been through the 3 y.o. stage and so you may have discovered that it's vastly more challenging than the 'terrible' twos. It could be that your older kids were particularly easy-going and you got lucky. It could be that your son has specific issues that need addressing. I urge you to look into Raising Your Spirited Child and The Out of Sync Child. Those have both been very helpful to me.

Quote:

this child has done this to me ... i never thought i would not like my own child, but right now i am regretting having him so bad!
Never the less, he's here and he's your precious, beautiful son. He's going to pick up on your regret, and that's really harmful. And he has not done anything to you, you absolutely must not blame him for your reactions. He is a small child, you are an adult. Your job right now is to get yourself some help. You are overwhelmed and don't have the tools you need to cope.

I know you are so angry right now and you sound resentful about being a stay at home mom, you resent having to change your life for this child you don't like. But for _your_ sake you need to get your head in the game, re-orient yourself towards helping this small human who is completely dependent on you.


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