# 11-month old, tantrums, and discipline



## ChasingPeace (Oct 19, 2003)

I guess I'm looking for some suggestions and/or reassurance about how to handle ds' tantrums.

My ds is 11 months old, and has just recently started throwing little tantrums. It's always when he wants something and I won't let him have it. For example, he has a cold and last night I was trying to give him some decongestant, but he wanted the bottle so he could play with it. When I wouldn't give it to him, he started crying and hitting me. I said firmly, "we don't hit mommy." This usually is enough to stop him, but not last night (I realize he was probably feeling miserable







). He continued to hit me, and wasn't hearing me, so I grabbed his wrists so he couldn't, and said, "it's fine to be mad at mommy, but it's not OK to hit people," and "Yes, Ali's mad. Ali's angry." He then threw himself on the floor and continued crying. When I tried to pick him up to hold him while he cried, he pushed me away. I then went over to the couch and started hitting the cushions, and hitting the floor, saying "when we're angry we can hit the couch. We can hit the floor. But we don't hit people." Ali thought this was funny and came over and started vigorously hitting the couch cushions. From a GD standpoint, was this OK, or should I have given him his space and allowed him to continue crying? He just looked so upset.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I think that the way you handled it was just fine.


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## byfaith (Nov 2, 2004)

i think it was fine too.


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

I also think it was great. You validated his emotions, you gave him options, and you ultimately found something to help him get past his disappointment. My only suggestion would be when you had to say "no" to taking the bottle, look around for something else to offer him. So you could say "you can't play with the bottle, but you can have this [cool thing]". It might have staved off the tantrum. Then again it might not have.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I was just about to post looking for help with my 12 1/2 month old throwing tantrums. He's just started the same thing in the last month. Yesterday it was insane. We were out all day and he wouldn't stop screaming. He also hit me a few times, which he had never done before. He mostly did this when he wanted something he couldn't have, just like your ds. He did the same thing a few times today at home. I know that yesterday was probably crazy for him so I'm not surprised he acted that way. However, I didn't know what I should do about it. I did the same things you did as far as validating his feelings but saying that it wasn't ok to hit and that I didn't like the screaming. I would ask him to tell me or show me what he wanted rather than screaming. I hadn't thought of showing him that he could hit something else like a pillow or the couch when he's angry but not a person. That's a good one. Those are all great ideas.

What do you do when you are out and your little one is doing this? I'm not so worried about the hitting. I can handle that. It's the screaming that concerns me because as much as it bothers me I can only imagine how much more it must bother others.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Did I kill this thread by hijacking it?







:


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

lol...marinewife.

I would just remove the child from the situation as quickly as possible. go somewhere, anywhere, that's out of the way. so far the only places this has happened to us are the playground and at a kids play place, so both times the noise was nothing unusual.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thanks Piglet68. That's what I would do when I can but what do you do when you can't leave? Should I ignore the screaming and just do what I can to distract him or should I address the screaming and give him what he wants or what? If it got really, really bad I would leave but I am wondering if there are any alternatives to that. I guess I'm afraid if I give him what he is screaming for it will teach him that screaming is the way to get things. KWIM?


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

I would definitley not give him what he's screaming for. My DD has been going through this phase where she screeches if I disallow something. I first tell her firmly "we do not screech when we're upset!". I try to explain the situation to her in the simplest terms possible, but I won't repeat myself forever. When I've made it clear that the answer is "no", then I will ask her to take some deep breaths...then I'll move on to the distraction technique. I don't want her to think that I'm dismissing her disappointment/anger/frustration, and I want to try to label her emotions for her and reinforce our rule about not screeching, but ultimately the point has been made and any further discussion is useless, so that's when I'll move on to the distraction stuff.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Good, that's basically what I've been doing. I try to acknowledge that my ds is upset. Then I ask him to tell me what he wants rather than screaming. He's only 1yo, though, so I don't really expect him to say anything. Sometimes he will stop screaming and gesture. If he continues to scream, I tell him that screaming is no ok and that it hurts my ears and I try to distract him. I guess we were just having one of those times the other day when he just wouldn't be appeased and I felt like I was doing something wrong. Thanks for your help.


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