# So sad...



## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

..


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## Narn (Nov 7, 2007)

I posted something on my blog about how I co-sleep and think crying-it-out is harmful. No one has ever told me they used CIO except my mom. I didn't think people actually admitted to that sort of thing! But I got a message from an in-law with links to articles about babies dying because of co-sleeping. That's just rude.

I know what you mean about thinking another mom will have a lot in common like that, only to be disappointed. It's happened to me too. It kind of gets lonely not knowing any moms who make similar parenting choices beyond just one or two things like nursing or co-sleeping. That's why I love all these ladies at MDC.


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## eunytuny (Jan 19, 2007)

I am so sorry about this disappointment.


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

I"m so sorry for you. I understand. It really makes you feel different about someone when you find out they do something like that.

I've met a few people over the last year who I thought were decent people. But after I found out they did CIO - I can't stand to be around them.


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## Breastfeeding Insomniac (Jan 15, 2007)

I can understand your sadness. My heart breaks for a baby when I hear it had to CIO.


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## crazyrunningmama (Dec 16, 2006)

Oh, that is sad! I think it's so wacky how people will say "it only took 3 nights"! That would be an eternity to me to sit in another room and listen to the child of my heart sob! We are in the process of night weaning, and I would NEVER let her be alone and scared. In fact, I think some of our sleep issues are worse because I would always rush in and now I realize some of her noises are in her sleep and I would go in an wake her by trying to comfort her!


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

..


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## prancie (Apr 18, 2007)

I don't get how people can listen to their baby cry and cry and cry and not do something. Everytime I hear ANY baby cry my heart breaks. I can't stand it. I know that people who CIO are not meaning harm...but how could you do that and still have a heart? It makes me angry that society tells women that their babies should be sleeping through the night at very early ages. It's the one question i have always been asked with a newborn.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

*sigh* Poor baby.


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## groovynaturemama (Mar 8, 2007)

wow. IMO CIO is sooooo lame and cruel


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## jasmina32 (Sep 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazyrunningmama* 
Oh, that is sad! I think it's so wacky how people will say "it only took 3 nights"! That would be an eternity to me to sit in another room and listen to the child of my heart sob! We are in the process of night weaning, and I would NEVER let her be alone and scared. In fact, I think some of our sleep issues are worse because I would always rush in and now I realize some of her noises are in her sleep and I would go in an wake her by trying to comfort her!

I can't listen to more than 5 minutes of my son crying....... I don't know how people do it!!!


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## pacificbliss (Jun 17, 2006)

I don't know what to call this person...I worked with her for years and have tried to keep up with her by reading her blog and commenting. We also email back and forth. She's not exactly a friend. Anyhow, she has a toddler and a few weeks ago she wrote in her blog that her son was giving her trouble getting in to this and that. I was laughing because I thought it was going to be a funny story of the crazy things toddlers do to push boundaries until she wrote, "Of course, I popped him a few times and that put an end to that"









I'll don't think I will ever be able to speak to her again. I posted that I could not believe she hit her son and she wrote back, " Just wait until yours is this age and we'll see"


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## tashaharney (Feb 19, 2007)

so many people think that CIO and hitting are the only ways to do things, because no one ever mentioned that there was another way. my sis has a babe that is four months younger than my ds, and i've seen her pop her daughter and smack her bottom. :sad all i can do without seeming like i'm criticising is to show by example. i say 'oh, i just take him to bed with me. i can't stand to hear him cry like that. it goes against every motherly instinct in me.' or, once, my sis asked me about hitting. i said something about studies showing this or that and she tuned me out. but then i said, 'and you know, there's so many other options. i just dont want to do to him what was done to me, you know?" i havent seen her hit my niece since. (doesnt mean she's not, but she doesnt do it in fron of me anyway.)


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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

People that abuse their babies by making them CIO are going to defend what they do to their death. You cannot win an argument with them. You can try, but it is pointless.


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## babymaggie (Nov 11, 2007)

Hearing things like this breaks my heart. I know what you mean about being happy to have this community where everyone is on the same page with child-rearing. I was recently told by a nurse practitioner that I should CIO, start spanking, stop BF, stop co-sleeping, and be a little tougher with my then 9 month old.







And nobody where I am (I recently moved) believes in AP -- they don't even know what it is. I am constantly looked at as extremely weird for raising my DS the way I am. Some people...


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommysusie* 
People that abuse their babies by making them CIO are going to defend what they do to their death. You cannot win an argument with them. You can try, but it is pointless.

Actually, that's not true. I tried CIO with my eldest, and all I actually needed was for one wise, experienced mother to sit down and talk honestly with me about what life with a babe is really like. What a normal sleep pattern for a 3mo is, and that it's OK to feel completely to-the-bone exhausted. Someone could even have suggested that I kept my baby in bed with me. That would have been radical. Otherwise, first-time mums are going to have to keep reinventing the wheel again and again.


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## Dizzie (Nov 28, 2007)

My thoughts are not to turn your backs on people who resort to CIO or smacking. These people are obviously in a bad place and in desperate need of sensible advice and direction on parenting from you wonderful mamas.

Yes it is horrible but l too attempted CIO with my son when he was only tiny and helpless and l was delirious from a lack of sleep and l didn't know any better.







I sincerely thought that this was the only way to get a child to sleep based on the info l received from various 'baby and health professionals'. CIO broke me and my baby's heart and as much l wanted it to work, l couldn't continue with it and chose listen to my instincts (and not a bunch of idiots around me) and to co-sleep (l hadn't even heard of the term co-sleep then) instead, which was received as (gasp!) shock horror from the people around me and those so called 'baby and health professionals' but l didn't care because l had found a solution that worked for us and made us all happy.

I now talk to my friends about AP despite the fact that most do not even children yet l like to plant those seeds so that they can see there is ALWAYS an alternative. I just wish l knew a mama back then to step in and say "There is ALWAYS an alternative" when l was doing the WRONG thing. It would break me think that if l did know a mama, she turned her back on me because l was doing the wrong thing, rather than to guide me. This isn't intended as a critism for anyone, just another point of view from someone who's BTDT.


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## kennedy444 (Aug 2, 2002)

I agree, it is sad and disappointing.

Had to add, loved the pics of you and your family in your sig.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

That is so sad. I'm sorry for your disappointment as well.

I don't get CIO. At dd's 6 month WBC, the doc asked me if she was sleeping through the night. She's not. She told me, "It would be fine if you just let her cry herself back to sleep. A couple nights of that, she'll stop waking up in the night." Yeah, I'll hop right on that









I've done pretty much the opposite of what all these "experts" say to do (I think most mama's here have). And ya know what? I have the happiest baby I've ever seen (and I'm sure all of you do too, lol). Everyone we come across (in any public place) tells me, "Oh, she's just so happy! All smiles!" She cries when she's tired, hungry or hurt--that's it. My gramma has a friend who has 4 kids and a bunch of grandkids and they told my gramma, "You tell Amy that she has one happy baby! Tell her, 'whatever she's doing, to keep it up!'" What I'm doing: Not listening to the "experts". WE (mama's) are the experts...we know how to keep our babies happy! (And the first thing we do, is ignore the medical experts







)


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

..


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## amyescott (Mar 13, 2007)

I had to reply to the post by Dizzie. I, too, with the advice of many parents, decided to stay in my son's room with him in his crib to try and get him to go to sleep. After an hour of his crying, I was finished with CIO. I had never heard of attachment parenting, co-sleeping, etc. I simply parented by instinct, and kept him in bed with me. He was a high needs little guy, still is, and I was exhausted and my DH was out of town when I resorted to CIO for that one hour. My point is, I think, by in large, most parents do the best they can with the knowledge they have at the time. They are told over and over an over that babies have to learn to soothe themselves, to sleep independently, and told this by "experts". It is up to us to educate, support and help these mommas learn other ways, and we have to show them by example. Trust me, I have pretty much no "mainstream" friends anymore, and I know how hard it is to even be social sometimes with them. But, if this momma was open to babywearing, perhaps she would be open to more if you present it to her. Maybe give her a book by Dr. Sears, Pam Leo, etc and say something like "I just read this great book and thought you might enjoy it, it was really thought provoking...". I hope this message does not sound preachy, because it is SO not meant that way. More a suggestion to reach out even more, unless she is totally unreceptive. Then, you can't help anyway. Thanks for reading my random stream of thoughts...


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## manitobamama (Jan 1, 2007)

cio makes me cringe... I so couldn't do that ... it tears me up to hear of a mom cio never mind smacking the LO... I am pretty judgemental and even as an inexperienced teen mom I could not cio it didn't feel right to me


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