# Breastfeeding Dad



## PDTV (Sep 26, 2017)

Hi everyone,

I could really do with some advice and I feel a bit awkward asking. I am the father of a breastfeeding child. It is our second and I felt so inadequate the first time around at not being able to breastfeed our child. The truth is, I even came to resent the bond between my wife and out firstborn a little and I don't want to be left out this time around. So, I am planning on buying a wearable feeding apparatus like the one in the image available from "nurse me tender" so that I can experience what it is like to breastfeed and be that close to my new child. I am nervous about bringing this up with my partner as I am not sure how she will react and she might think it is a bit weird. I would love any advice on talking to her about this and/or any encouragement with breaking down the taboo around male breastfeeding. Thanks and I appreciate you taking the time to answer!


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Do you plan to ask your partner to pump enough extra milk to provide for the amount you want to feed or do you plan to supplement with formula? That is probably the biggest factor that jumped into my mind. I would NOT be willing to pump so my partner could do this because I find pumping excruciating and miserable. But different women have different opinions on pumping.

Good luck. I hope your wife is friendly to your request.


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## PDTV (Sep 26, 2017)

Thanks so much for responding "rightkindofme". I hadn't really gotten that far - thinking about pumping. To be honest, I just assume she will be happy to pump for me so that I can experience what it is like to breastfeed and feel fulfilled as a father. I'll factor that in to my thinking though. Hmm, this is hard to explain. I think the best way I can put it is I always believed that if you believe it, you can achieve it and I believe that a man can also actually breastfeed a child and be closer to them because of it. As a wife yourself, how would you like your husband to handle that conversation? Thanks again!


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*Personally,*

I think you should look at different ways to bond with the baby. You are never going to replicate the nursing experience with that kind of apparatus (and why would you want to, as the previous poster mentioned, your partner would have to pump). If it were me in this situation, I'm afraid I might be annoyed and aggravated and resentful. You can still spend time snuggling with the baby, taking it for walks, giving your partner a break. Cook nice meals for everyone, clean the house, look after the older child.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

I agree with mumto1. This isn't breastfeeding, it's hands free bottle feeding. It won't feel anything like breastfeeding. 

We have two children. Both of them were exclusively breastfed for six months and then continues to bf for another four years. Neither ever had a bottle. My husband has a very close bond with them. He held them, wore them, took them for walks, bathed them, read to them. In short, did everything for them except feeding. 

I would encourage you to read about the benefits of feeding from the breast and try to see it as a great gift you are giving your child rather than something to be resented. I'd also encourage you to read about the benefits of skin-to-skin contact which is something you can do with your baby from birth 


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## PDTV (Sep 26, 2017)

Thanks very much for responding Kate and Mumto1. I appreciate your advice but it seems a little too old-school for me. Cooking for the mother, minding the older one etc. seem like something from our parent's generation. I don't just want to have traditional gender roles. I want to experience the whole thing as much as possible and I really want to experience breastfeeding. I appreciate the skin-to-skin contact idea. I understand why some fathers would appreciate that kind of contact but it just seems a little weird to me. I would prefer to have my clothes on when cuddling or feeding. If I can figure out how to breastfeed I would buy a nursing bra or something that can provide discreet access for baby - especially in public. Thanks again for the help and if you know any men who have breastfed their children please ask them how they managed it! All the best.


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*I don't know if you are joking around.*

You sound like you have some unusual issues that seem (to me) more self indulgent than supportive. Skin to skin contact is a MAJOR part of breastfeeding, it's almost like you see bfing as some kind of public performance and you are jealous at being excluded. And, there is nothing old fashioned about supporting your family. In fact I'd say it's often the reverse. The one time I can single out in my memory of time spent with dad was when he read me nightly stories, and him carrying me up to bed to read those stories. So at least I have that. My hubbys dad spent a lot of time making demands on the household, and watching sports, he was a loud bossy guy who would spend a lot of his income on himself. To me, those are two types of old school dads, but I'm quite possibly a lot older than you.


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## Nazsmum (Aug 5, 2006)

mumto1 said:


> more self indulgent than supportive. Skin to skin contact is a MAJOR part of breastfeeding,


:yeah


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## PDTV (Sep 26, 2017)

Nazsmum said:


> :yeah


Hi Nazismum. I don't know, do you not think it is a bit weird for a man to be naked with a kid? Seems a bit weird.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

PDTV said:


> Hi Nazismum. I don't know, do you not think it is a bit weird for a man to be naked with a kid? Seems a bit weird.


A couple of things. You don't have to be naked to do skin-to-skin. In fact I would suggest that most people are not. Usually the baby is wearing a nappy. And you could either unbutton your shirt or put your baby under your shirt, if the neck was low enough.

Secondly, no, I don't think it is weird for a parent to be naked in the presence of their young child. Bathing together is another lovely way to bond with your baby. And, if you can ever go to the loo unaccompanied once your child is walking then you've had more luck than I have 

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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

Did your partner pump for the first baby? Pumping is so individual.... I didn't mind at all but for a lot of women it's actually painful and at minimum a fair amount of extra work, plus giving baby a bottle early can mess up their latch and therefore make nursing at the breast difficult for Mom and baby. 

I'm not trying to discourage you from asking her-you won't know unless you ask-but I do agree with the other posters that it really wouldn't be the same at all. There's so much hormonal feedback between Mom and baby during breastfeeding-it's what makes it such a powerful bonding thing- that you just couldn't replicate with a bottle in a harness.


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## that1russian.17 (Sep 25, 2017)

I do agree with the other posters on here. I am currently exculisivly breastfeeding my son and if my fiance came to me and asked this i would be kinda weirded out (I don't judge but it is a little weird) and i would say no. There is nothing like actually breastfeeding. When you breastfeed it not only helps the mother but it helps the baby to understand and bond w his mother. I do also agree doing things to help with the baby like playing with him/her, reading, wearing him/her, changing diapers, etc will help you to feel more bonded.
Baby's also knead when feeding on the brest to help milk flow and production and doing that to a flat chest may or may not confuse them. They baby knows his mom. So doing this might upset him/her Also. Just my opinion. 

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## anchasta (Oct 24, 2017)

I see no issue with it. My husband and I are very close, and both very nurturing people. My husband would LOVE to breastfeed for real.

Rather than the apparatus, there are even men in tribes around the world who can actually produce their own milk to supplement the women feeding the babies. Even those that don't actually make milk still let the babies latch on as a comfort thing.

https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-aka-pygmy-fathers-breastfeed-their-babies/

I grew up in a home where nudity was not a big deal, and feel the same way. We all have bodies, it is what you DO with them that can make things weird...how you interact with them.

So, yeah. I don't find it odd, but it is up to YOU and YOUR PARTNER to decide these things. Ask her. Tell her how you feel. Go from there.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

I sense your priority stems not from your child's best interests, but your own. Your baby doesnt need a fake breastfeeding device or a convaluted hormonal maniplation as well as considerable struggle required for you to actually produce milk. Its alot of effort, all for something that you want and not something that your baby needs.

There are a few negatives as well- your attempt to breastfeed will interfere with the delicate balance of supply and demand between mom and baby. It could create nipple confusion, and frankly, if your baby is used to breastfeeding with mom, dont be surprised when s/he rejects you.

What a waste of time and effort all for your own ego and not for the benefit of the child-under the pretense of being above 'gender norms'

There are a myriad ways for you to bond with your child. Start by holding the baby. Skin contact is a great way to bond.

I dont want to hurt your feelings here, but your suggestion is self centered, and and has nothing to do with redefining gender norms. 

You are an insult to feminists. 

Now start bonding with your baby, and supporting the mom.
And start being honest with yourself about your motives. Putting your childs needs ahead of yours is a lifelong commitment.


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## JakeTse (Feb 12, 2018)

PDTV said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I could really do with some advice and I feel a bit awkward asking. I am the father of a breastfeeding child. It is our second and I felt so inadequate the first time around at not being able to breastfeed our child. The truth is, I even came to resent the bond between my wife and out firstborn a little and I don't want to be left out this time around. So, I am planning on buying a wearable feeding apparatus like the one in the image available from "nurse me tender" so that I can experience what it is like to breastfeed and be that close to my new child. I am nervous about bringing this up with my partner as I am not sure how she will react and she might think it is a bit weird. I would love any advice on talking to her about this and/or any encouragement with breaking down the taboo around male breastfeeding. Thanks and I appreciate you taking the time to answer!


I still feel kind of wired


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## thomasmargie (Feb 12, 2018)

JakeTse said:


> I still feel kind of wired


It is actually


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