# Is there an acceptable way to ask strangers not to smoke around your child?



## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

We actually left the playground today because parents were smoking ON the playground equipment. Not near it, not sitting on the benches nearby (which also drives me nuts, they leave their butts everywhere) but ON the equipment. Seriously, if your kid needs help on the playground, can't you put out your cigarette first??? (Sorry, this just REALLY gets to me).

Anyway so I wanted to say something... like, "Oh my son is allergic to smoke, could you smoke over there?" ('Cause well, isn't everyone technically *allergic* to smoke??) But I don't feel right saying that. And I can't think of any other way to ask. I think partly I'm intimidated by smokers. I have this stereotype that they are all tough don't-mess-with-me types (though I know that's not always true & have met many approachable smokers!)

But I don't want DS playing in smoke!! Gross!!!!

WWYD?


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

"Excuse me, could you please not smoke so close to my child?"


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## angelcollector1 (May 26, 2007)

Some cities, towns and states do not allow smoking in playgrounds, sports fields for school age kids, etc.. maybe you should check your city's rules to see what they say... but I wouldn't hesitate to say- "Excuse me, I or DC are severe asthmatics, could I ask you to please not smoke for the short time we're here because it could cause me to need immediate medical attention."


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I'd probably just frequent other playgrounds. But then, I hate confrontation.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

you cant predict how people will react. for some its something they have never even thought about so they are grateful you pointed it out. for some depending on where they are in life, might give you a dirty look or a finger or some choice words.

i'd still say something politely. i hate going behind their back and complaining. something like Ruthla wrote.


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## kittynurse (Jun 29, 2005)

My way probably isn't an acceptable way but I give them serious stinkeye and then whisper loudly to other parents that I'm with about how rude and ignorant it is. I know, I'm soooooo mature!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Go with asking directly like Ruthla said and hope to goodness they'd just forgot it was in their hand.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

I tend to act really disgusted and wave the smoke away, they usually get the point.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

I'm an ex-smoker and would have no problem asking them politely not to smoke on the playground equipment. Smoking is an adult activity and there's no reason they need to do it in a children's area. I think if you're polite but firm about it there's no reason to assume they'll react badly.

It's not like you're planning to shriek something like, "Hey, Black Lung! Get your stinking coffin nails away from the







playground!"

(Right?)


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

I approach with a smile and ask them to please not smoke near my son. He IS allergic to tobacco (it's a nightshade, along with tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant, and peppers). Sometimes they comply, sometimes not. But if don't ask, they definitely won't stop.


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## grumpybear (Oct 5, 2006)

Yes on what Ruthla wrote and then I'd write to parks and rec or whoever was maintaining the playground to please put up No Smoking signs.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Just ask nicely.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

Unless the place prohibits smoking, the smoking person has as much right to stand there smoking as you do to stand there not smoking. Unless the area restricts it, your child has no "right" not to be smoked around.

So, if it was me, I wouldn't say anything.


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## kindchen (Dec 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SubliminalDarkness* 
Unless the place prohibits smoking, the smoking person has as much right to stand there smoking as you do to stand there not smoking. Unless the area restricts it, your child has no "right" not to be smoked around.

So, if it was me, I wouldn't say anything.

Just because you don't have a legal right to something doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't ask for it. Smoke is unhealthy for people to breathe. Politely asking someone to stop doing something that is unhealthy for your child isn't rude or unacceptable. In fact, I think it is totally socially unacceptable to smoke on playgrounds. Something doesn't have to be illegal in order to not be okay.


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## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kindchen* 
Just because you don't have a legal right to something doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't ask for it. Smoke is unhealthy for people to breathe. Politely asking someone to stop doing something that is unhealthy for your child isn't rude or unacceptable. In fact, I think it is totally socially unacceptable to smoke on playgrounds. Something doesn't have to be illegal in order to not be okay.

I agree with this. Especially as the parent of a child who, while not diagnosed as asthmatic, does tend to wheeze when exposed to various allergens. It's not that his right to be there outweighs their right to smoke, it's that them smoking could possibly cause him to have a a life-threatening response and their NOT smoking will not cause them to have a life-threatening response, KWIM?

If someone is smoking near us in public, we typically just move as fast as possible because I'm afraid of confrontation and we really can not be around it at all.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

I think I'm just afraid of confrontation too







I really wanted to say something but I knew we needed to be leaving soon anyway so I just left. I had asked the Parks & Rec dept. about no smoking signs a few weeks ago but they said I had to call the Garage & I couldn't find their number. I love that playground because it has shade & DS enjoys their unique equipment & it's really close by -- but maybe we should just go to other playgrounds.

I know they have a 'right' to be there but I still find it shocking that they'd actually smoke ON the equipment. But smoking in general drives me nuts, I honestly wish they'd ban it in public places (including outdoors) because I feel like I can't walk 20 feet from home without walking through a cloud of smoke.


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## Tway (Jul 1, 2010)

I've been wondering the same thing, since so many people smoke in the big park near home. Worse, so many are smoking weed--which I assume can't be good for DD (although maybe it would make her sleep better... hmmm.....LOL).

I get all hot and bothered by it, but chicken out before saying anything. I always assume people who smoke these days will try to do it away from groups of people--especially kids! Smoking is illegal in restaurants and bars here, so it surprises me that people still light up in public places when others are around.


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## cycle (Nov 18, 2004)

I just ask them to stop smoking or move somewhere else. I abhor smoking and I find that most smokers are inconsiderate, in my experience, so I will try to be polite but if the smoker is inconsiderate I will escalate it to get them to move or stop smoking. I live in a state that has very good anti-smoking laws so if we are somewhere and people are smoking, most likely they are not legally supposed to be smoking there.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

I will never understand why some think they have the "right" to infringe their unhealthy habit upon others. That is no right. One can do what they want to their OWN body but NOT in the safe haven in a playground for kids! Come on!

I will and have said something when I see someone smoking at the playground. That is one huge peeve of mine. Don't bring your nasty smoky cigs to a place specifically for kids. If someone were to get nasty they would get an earful from me. And I am an ex smoker, but one who was courteous when I did it. I hate the things now.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

I guess for me it depends on the setup of the playground. If that's the only equipment around, I would say something. "Excuse me, I'm allergic to cigarette smoke, and we would like to enjoy this public park." If they're on a piece of equipment, but there's other equipment uprange / out of the way, I'd just avoid the area where the smokers are.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

I'd probably move to another area of the park to avoid the smoke. You should also check with your parks and recreation department. If smoking isn't allowed at the playground maybe a sign can be put up.


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## buttercup784ever (Aug 22, 2008)

As an ex-smoker I was hyper-aware of who I was around when I did smoke. If I smoked out in public (rarely unless in a designated smoking area) I always made sure I was FAR away from anyone that I thought might have any problem with it.

In my experience, someone who is a smoker knows that people who don't smoke don't want to be around it. They've probably heard it a million times. If they have the audacity to smoke on a playground they probably won't be very open to someone asking them to stop. I don't believe that 'they don't know and would be grateful that you pointed it out'. They know.

I'd probably just move to another part of the playground. If one of my kids said something about the smoke, I would say, "yeah, smoke is stinky. Let's go play over there." I wouldn't bother to lower my voice.


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## Princess ConsuelaB (Apr 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittynurse* 
My way probably isn't an acceptable way but I give them serious stinkeye and then whisper loudly to other parents that I'm with about how rude and ignorant it is. I know, I'm soooooo mature!









It's not mature but it gets the point hammered into some people's dense heads.

And yes, I'm an ex-smoker, yet even as a stupid self-centered teen I had enough sense not to smoke in a place meant for young children so I stand by my "dense heads" comment.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

I'd just point out that play grounds are for children, and they should be given a clean environment to play in.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

i just passive agressively cough and complain loudly lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

ITA with Ruthla. Don't be passive aggressive, just ask them politely to stop or move.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I just ask people to stop. My husband is better at it than I am, though, because he's a smoker and commiserates with them while politely asking if they can move it away.


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

A couple years ago my g/f and I were at a playground close to our homes and there was a guy there smoking while climbing the structure with his kid. Now this was a smallish structure and between my three kids, my g/f's two and this guy's one, it was pretty crowded. Our first reaction was to laugh hysterically because WHO THE (Bleep) SMOKES AT A PLAYGROUND ANYWAY???

After we regained our composure I just said Dude, can you ditch the smoke before you burn my kid's eyes out??

He did, and apologized, said he didn't even realize he still had it in his hand.

Most playgrounds now seem to have no smoking signs though, and actually one park in my area is designated and posted as a smoke free area - and it's the size of two city blocks - it's huge.

Kind of O/T but I once saw a couple having sex on a playground structure (again in my neighborhood) . I called the Parks and Rec. Dept and suggested they post a sign stating that sexual intercourse is not allowed at the playground but they didn't go for it, said it wasn't nessessary. I just figured they either thought I was joking or perhaps they were A-ok with that sort of playground behavior.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Latte Mama* 
I will never understand why some think they have the "right" to infringe their unhealthy habit upon others. That is no right. One can do what they want to their OWN body but NOT in the safe haven in a playground for kids! Come on!

I will and have said something when I see someone smoking at the playground. That is one huge peeve of mine. Don't bring your nasty smoky cigs to a place specifically for kids. If someone were to get nasty they would get an earful from me. And I am an ex smoker, but one who was courteous when I did it. I hate the things now.

I get what you're saying. I don't want my kids around smoke, either. But someone DOES have the right to smoke unless there's a law or policy that says otherwise. Sure, you can ask someone not to smoke if you want to, but they can very easily say "no" and there's nothing inherently wrong with that.


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## becca_howell (Jan 3, 2009)

"Come on, son, let's get you away from that nasty cigarette smoke. It's not healthy for you." ~Said just loud enough to be heard by said offender.

DH calls me a cigarette nazi. I can smell cigarettes two cars ahead of us in traffic. DS and I have asthma, so I'm very anti cigarette smoke (anti smoke, not the smoker!). However, I accept that "it's a free country" and they have the right to smoke. However, I also have the right to speak my mind about it, especially if they attempt to do it in front of my children.


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## MammaG (Apr 9, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SubliminalDarkness* 
Unless the place prohibits smoking, the smoking person has as much right to stand there smoking as you do to stand there not smoking. Unless the area restricts it, your child has no "right" not to be smoked around.

So, if it was me, I wouldn't say anything.

This is not the case. There is a growing body of 'second hand smoke' laws that assert that non-smokers do, in fact, have a right to a smoke-free environment. Workers in bars in most states are now protected by bans on smoking in those bars. Many towns have laws prohibiting smoking within 100 feet of any public entryway (effectively banning smoking in dense areas). Just because we don't YET have laws to cover all places at all times, the law does back the rights of non-smokers over those of smokers more and more (as it ought). I would be willing to bet, and bet with speaking out in such a scenario, that if something like this were to some to court, the smoker would lose out.

I would ask the person to leave the playground. The smoke is offensive and unhealthy and exposing kids to people who are smoking increases the likelihood that they will someday smoke themselves. I also have no problems letting people who approach my kids know that they cannot come within arm's reach if they smell like smoke.

This is one of my 'die on THAT hill' issues!


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaG* 
This is not the case. There is a growing body of 'second hand smoke' laws that assert that non-smokers do, in fact, have a right to a smoke-free environment. Workers in bars in most states are now protected by bans on smoking in those bars. Many towns have laws prohibiting smoking within 100 feet of any public entryway (effectively banning smoking in dense areas). Just because we don't YET have laws to cover all places at all times, the law does back the rights of non-smokers over those of smokers more and more (as it ought). I would be willing to bet, and bet with speaking out in such a scenario, that if something like this were to some to court, the smoker would lose out.

I would ask the person to leave the playground. The smoke is offensive and unhealthy and exposing kids to people who are smoking increases the likelihood that they will someday smoke themselves. I also have no problems letting people who approach my kids know that they cannot come within arm's reach if they smell like smoke.

This is one of my 'die on THAT hill' issues!

I realize this, which is why I said, unless there's a law or policy that prohibits smoking in the area, the smoker has the right to smoke there. If there's a law in place, awesome! I think that's great! I wish all places had the laws already, but not all do.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Hmm I checked the laws and it was hard to sift through. It looks like outdoor areas are exempt from the state smoking bans -- except for sports arenas, partially enclosed mall parking lots, etc. Plus they banned smoking on beaches. I couldn't find anything that legally pertained to playgrounds (why on earth no one thought to include that, I don't know -- maybe they figured people would use common sense & just NOT smoke where kids play???) I wonder if it would be included in 'sports arenas' since there are 'official' basketball games played at the park as well.

I just emailed the town (even though I still couldn't find the right phone #) to ask about no smoking signs. We'll see if they respond.

Maybe next time I'll be brave enough to politely ask the smoker to move...


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Speaking as a currently quitting smoker but not a parent yet:

Personally if I was smoking anywhere near your child, I would expect you to tell me to cut it out. Honestly if I was dense enough to light up anywhere near a non-smoker and especially a child it would be because I was totally oblivious to the fact that there was another person around. But that's just me, you could ask politely or yell and I would understand where you were coming from and get far far away from you and your kid or put the cigarette out.

I do believe it is you and your child's right to not have your health damaged by my bad habit (or anyone else's bad habit). So politely (and directly) ask anyone lighting up around your child to stop. If they won't there might not be a lot you can do about it, but it's at least my opinion that they should a) never light up around a non-smoker (unless that person has explicitly said they do not mind) and b) if it is an oversight, move away or put it out.


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## spinknottle (Aug 11, 2009)

Delurking -- I'm a smoker (I hate being a smoker)

If I was smoking at a playground nad someone asked me to stop *politely* I'd probably thank then for reminding me of my manners and reminding me of the fact that most people don't enjoy the smoke. In your OP you stated that smokers intimidate you. I can understand your thoughts on that but we're just the same as everyone else...except with a really bad habit/ addiction.

A smoker who doesn't comply or who get's rude with you is probbaly just getting defensive. It doesn't make it right but they're probably not so frustrated with *you*. More the fact that we constantly feel like we're being pushed to another "designated smoking area"









Don't feel bad about asking someone to either move or put out their cigarette on a playground.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
"Excuse me, could you please not smoke so close to my child?"

Polite and direct. That's what I would have done (and have done but never had to on a playground). I find that most smokers (not all, but most) seem to understand and not get huffy at all. The weird part about the playground is that they're obviously (I assume?) there because their kids are there too. Usually when I have to ask, it's people who don't have kids with them and often they don't realize it's affecting kids. But I think the request is still totally reasonable on playground equip, given the toxicity of cigarette smoke.

I was once at an outdoor concert but under a tent, and of all people Dennis Rodman was close by smoking a cigar. I didn't have kids then but there were kids close by and all the parents around me were buzzing about how annoyed they were but no one would go up to him and ask him nicely to put it out or move. So I did, very nicely. He seriously looked at me like I was insane, but even he moved away from the kids and somewhere else so it didn't affect us.

So even the biggest, baddest, most entitled people can understand a request like that!


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *childsplay* 
Kind of O/T but I once saw a couple having sex on a playground structure (again in my neighborhood) . I called the Parks and Rec. Dept and suggested they post a sign stating that sexual intercourse is not allowed at the playground but they didn't go for it, said it wasn't nessessary. I just figured they either thought I was joking or perhaps they were A-ok with that sort of playground behavior.

Further O/T, we once walked up on a couple having sex on the ground of a pedestrian walkway of a NYC bridge. The best part was they didn't see us until we were almost right there, and they tried to act like they weren't having sex (while laying on top of each other with clothes all displaced) so they started talking about some car problem they had, like they were sitting at a cafe... it was pretty funny. We just stared as if we were really horrified but we thought it was funny as heck.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Yes there are more laws saying people can't smoke in public places including parks, however it doesn't sound like this is the case here & the person doens't have to go somewhere else if asked. They do have the same right to be there & smoke as someone has to be there & not smoke.

Since there is no law, no the smoker would not lose in court if it (somehow) ever came to that.

Quote:

I was once at an outdoor concert but under a tent, and of all people Dennis Rodman was close by smoking a cigar.
I don't know if you've ever watched a show on MTV(or something like that) called Celebrity Rehab. Rodman was on it for alcohol problems. Right to the end(and onto Sober Living, a continuation of the Rehab show) he denied having an alcohol problem. He smoked cigars the entire time on the show & has a real air of entitlement about himself like everyone owes him & he's better than everyone else.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

There ya go. Like I said, he looked absolutely shocked that little old me (I'm quite short and young looking) would walk up to towering "all important" him and DEIGN to make such a request, but he *did* actually move and give us relief. So as many strikes as he has against him for bad behavior, there was one tiny teeny little check mark...









And seriously, it does go to show the power of a polite, direct request. Especially when it involves children. Doesn't always always work, but 99.99% of the time it seems to.


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## ramama (Apr 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
I'm an ex-smoker and would have no problem asking them politely not to smoke on the playground equipment. Smoking is an adult activity and there's no reason they need to do it in a children's area. I think if you're polite but firm about it there's no reason to assume they'll react badly.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Just ask nicely.

I totally agree! As a smoker, I try to be considerate. I don't even let kids see me with a cigarette, any kids. I certainly don't smoke on a playground. Regardless of whether I'm a smoker or not, I am still a person. I try to be courteous and remember my manners, but if I make a mistake, I appreciate a polite request. Because, you know, I'm human.

In the vast majority of cases, the rude and inconsiderate people are the non-smoking passive aggressive people who feel the constant need to publicly chastise smokers. Fake coughing, "whispers" to others, flailing of arms, evil glares, WILL get response from me and I promise it will be loud and scary. I am a person and deserve to be treated like one. I just don't get why people feel the need to be so aggressive and rude.

But, I am human, I make mistake. If I do, I appreciate a polite request, or a polite reminder. I will apologize and fix the situation.

Oh, and the lying about having an allergy doesn't fly either. So many people lie about having a smoke allergy that no one takes is seriously anymore, which is really sad for people who have true life-threatening allergies to smoke. Think before you speak, your lies can be dangerous.


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

I would check the rules for your park. If there are none-- I wouldn't say anything.


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## hhurd (Oct 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SubliminalDarkness* 
I get what you're saying. I don't want my kids around smoke, either. But someone DOES have the right to smoke unless there's a law or policy that says otherwise. Sure, you can ask someone not to smoke if you want to, but they can very easily say "no" and there's nothing inherently wrong with that.


I hate cigarette smoke, but I agree with this.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

It's definitely true that in the absence of a rule prohibiting smoke in that situation, a person has a right to stay there and smoke. But playgrounds are specifically set up for children to play on/in. If an adult sitting ON the play equipment smoking hinders your child's ability to enjoy the same equipment in a toxin-free way (aside from all the other toxins in the air!), why not go ahead and at least ask? You may not have a *right* to stop that person from smoking, but it's hardly an unreasonable request.

Has anyone here ever asked a smoker to consider the close proximity of your child and they've actually said no? I'm sure it's happened... somewhere to someone... but if most smokers would consider this a reasonable request (and I'm old enough to remember when there were no smoking bans and people with kids requested this a lot), why not ask?


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## Shenjall (Sep 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaG* 
This is not the case. There is a growing body of 'second hand smoke' laws that assert that non-smokers do, in fact, have a right to a smoke-free environment. Workers in bars in most states are now protected by bans on smoking in those bars. Many towns have laws prohibiting smoking within 100 feet of any public entryway (effectively banning smoking in dense areas). Just because we don't YET have laws to cover all places at all times, the law does back the rights of non-smokers over those of smokers more and more (as it ought). I would be willing to bet, and bet with speaking out in such a scenario, that if something like this were to some to court, the smoker would lose out.

>>snip>>

This is one of my 'die on THAT hill' issues!

Off topic, but sorta not,







, our city just passed a law that states you cannot smoke with children in your car.







I'm still waiting for the no-smoking at parks and beaches tho.....


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

LOL.. I don't think anybody that is smoking at a playground needs to hear polite words. I wouldn't worry about hurting their feelings.

Now, if you were standing outside a Walgreens, and didn't like the smoke, you should just move. But, the playground is for kids, it's not an ashtray.


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## hhurd (Oct 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
LOL.. I don't think anybody that is smoking at a playground needs to hear polite words. I wouldn't worry about hurting their feelings.


Why NOT be polite, at least at first? Modelling good manners and all...


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *childsplay* 
Kind of O/T but I once saw a couple having sex on a playground structure (again in my neighborhood) . I called the Parks and Rec. Dept and suggested they post a sign stating that sexual intercourse is not allowed at the playground but they didn't go for it, said it wasn't nessessary. I just figured they either thought I was joking or perhaps they were A-ok with that sort of playground behavior.

That would already be against the law- having sex in public is a violation of "public indecency" laws or some such thing. There's really no need to post signs telling people "no stealing at the park" or "no beating people up at the park" or "no selling of illegal substances on park property" because those are illegal anyway.

As for the whole "it's legal, so I wouldn't ask them to stop" issue: that's crazy! Even if it's currently legal to smoke on the playground, it's also legal to politely ask them to stop. The smokers might have been oblivious to the fact that others were nearby, and put out the smoke or walked away as soon as it was brought to their attention. They might have assumed that you didn't mind their smoking because you didn't say anything. "Yeah, I'll move if they ask me to, but since they didn't say anything, I guess they don't mind."

Or maybe they're rude jerks and wouldn't stop smoking on the equipment even if you did ask politely. At that point, you wouldn't have any way to get them to move (since it's not illegal) and you're back to where you were when you were too shy to speak up: you can deal with the smoke or leave. But you don't lose anything by making a polite request first.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sharlla* 
i just passive agressively cough and complain loudly lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL.. that's what I would do.


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## buttercup784ever (Aug 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
LOL.. I don't think anybody that is smoking at a playground needs to hear polite words. I wouldn't worry about hurting their feelings.

Now, if you were standing outside a Walgreens, and didn't like the smoke, you should just move. But, the playground is for kids, it's not an ashtray.

I agree. And anyone who 'forgets their manners' and lights up a cigarette at a playground 'by mistake' is full of BS, IMO. If someone is that dense about how most people feel about having smoke around their kids, then they shouldn't get angry when people give them dirty looks or make remarks. They should smack themselves in the head and swear to themselves not to make that 'mistake' again.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hhurd* 
Why NOT be polite, at least at first? Modelling good manners and all...


I don't know. I just get tired of people who can't even think of others. I will never believe they don't know better. I can't be convinced that it just never occurred to them to smoke in another area. The truth is, they feel like having a cigarette, and they are too lazy to move away from the playground. These are the same people who need all these warning labels on aerosol cans that say "Do not spray in eyes".

I wouldn't launch into a verbal assault. But, I would point out that even though it FEELS like the world revolves around them... it actually doesn't.

I think I'm just too old to feel bad for people when they do stupid things. I was more patient 20 years ago.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I have trouble with confrontation. I'd want to ask politely and I'm trying to think of a nice way to ask. "Would you mind moving away from my daughter? I'd like her to avoid the smoke." I don't know. Smokers get treated rudely a lot and can be defensive because of it, and I'd be worried about that defensiveness.


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## zippy_francis (Jan 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I don't know. I just get tired of people who can't even think of others. I will never believe they don't know better. I can't be convinced that it just never occurred to them to smoke in another area. The truth is, they feel like having a cigarette, and they are too lazy to move away from the playground. These are the same people who need all these warning labels on aerosol cans that say "Do not spray in eyes".

I wouldn't launch into a verbal assault. But, I would point out that even though it FEELS like the world revolves around them... it actually doesn't.

I think I'm just too old to feel bad for people when they do stupid things. I was more patient 20 years ago.

Agreed, I swear maybe it is because I have gotten older too, but people seem to have ZERO accountability anymore.

You know smoking is bad for you, but hey it is a free country so by all means do it. But at least go give yourself cancer somewhere else, besides near my kids.

Just like people who smoke in their car or outside their home and just flick their cigarette butts into the street/yard. So my yard/neighborhood/street gets to look like a trash heap because you are a smoker who is too lazy to pick up after yourself?!

I just cant worry about people's feelings when they should be accountable for such basic behavior/common courtesy.

Now I myself would probably not go off and yell at a stranger but I may say "Could you PLEASE smoke somewhere else besides near children?!" In a very terse manner...


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I have trouble with confrontation. I'd want to ask politely and I'm trying to think of a nice way to ask. "Would you mind moving away from my daughter? I'd like her to avoid the smoke." I don't know. Smokers get treated rudely a lot and can be defensive because of it, and I'd be worried about that defensiveness.

I think this is a perfectly polite way to ask. I might not say "Would you mind" because TBH, I don't care if they "mind" doing - I'd just like them to do it, whether they're thrilled about it or not, you know? I would probably say "Excuse me, will you please move away from the kids to finish your cigarette?" If it's at a play ground, I've added "I don't mind keeping an eye on your child while you finish your cigarette."


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

The more I think about this the more I'm annoyed. The parks dept. said I have to take the issue to the town council except I'm not a citizen of that town (I live right over the border) -- maybe I can take the issue to a state level?

Anyway, as far as asking someone politely, I think the reason I'm most intimidated is because if someone is smoking around me/my children, I automatically classify them as 'incredibly rude' -- because seriously, how could anyone think it's OK??

I don't know who Dennis Rodman is. But I'm glad he moved lol. I need to be more brave.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Here's Dennis Rodman's wiki page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Rodman

He's a 6'6" former pro basketball player with a history of aggression on the court and off (just read about domestic violence charges that he pleaded no contest to).

And even though I understand assuming all smokers who would smoke around kids must be rude thoughtless people, I'm telling you they aren't all like that. You've had a couple in this very thread tell you that!







Try it, you'll probably be suprised how accomodating people can be to a reasonable request.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I don't go to places where smoking in public is legal.


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## buttercup784ever (Aug 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LROM* 
And even though I understand assuming all smokers who would smoke around kids must be rude thoughtless people, I'm telling you they aren't all like that. You've had a couple in this very thread tell you that!







Try it, you'll probably be suprised how accomodating people can be to a reasonable request.

Either they are rude and thoughtless or they are dumber than a box of rocks. There really can't be any other option.

If someone is smoking at a children's playground, they are HOPING that no one says anything. In that case, they may be accomodating if someone asks them to quit, but it's still extremely rude behavior on their part. Other people shouldn't have to ask you to be courteous.

There is no way anyone can claim ignorance on this subject. Are you trying to say that some people don't know that it's not ok to smoke around kids? Or that they are so in the habit that they just light up without thinking? Do these same people find themselves smoking in hospital waiting rooms or in the grocery store?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

If they don't smoke inside, then they might regularly smoke when they're outside watching their kids play, so watching their kids play might trigger that inclination to smoke.


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## buttercup784ever (Aug 22, 2008)

Like I said, I was a smoker, and I can honestly say that I never accidently lit and smoked a cigarette. I don't care if their kids playing outside triggers them to 'want' a cigarette, but I refuse to believe that they don't realize they are smoking around kids.

Actually the only time I've ever seen someone light a cigarette and not notice is when they were drunk. In that case, maybe asking nicely would work.









Someone mentioned the guy on the playground equipment while smoking and him saying, 'he didn't realize he had it in his hand'. I can't tell you how many times I've seen kids with cigarette burns on them because they ran into someone holding a lit cigarette. He would fall into the 'dumber than a box of rocks' category.


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## grumpybear (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
The more I think about this the more I'm annoyed. The parks dept. said I have to take the issue to the town council except I'm not a citizen of that town (I live right over the border) -- maybe I can take the issue to a state level?

Anyway, as far as asking someone politely, I think the reason I'm most intimidated is because if someone is smoking around me/my children, I automatically classify them as 'incredibly rude' -- because seriously, how could anyone think it's OK??

I don't know who Dennis Rodman is. But I'm glad he moved lol. I need to be more brave.

We live outside of city limits but we go ahead and attend city council meetings anyway and petition council.
It's not as if you are asking for something outrageous and the least they could do is hear you out. The worst they can do is say no.
I'd preface my request with,something like, "I live outside city limits but am in town everyday and do a lot of my business here".
Just recently a bunch of us petitioned council for something. NONE of us lived in the city. Which was, in fact, something used against us by the council members opposed to our petition. Our petition was approved.








I guess what I am saying is that even if an idea comes from someone who is not a citizen of said town, councilmembers can still hear it out and decide if it is for the betterment of their city. Wouldn't hurt to ask.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *buttercup784ever* 
Either they are rude and thoughtless or they are dumber than a box of rocks. There really can't be any other option.


Or they don't buy into paranoia second-hand smoke. After all, do your children breathe around running cars? Are they playing on plastic or chemically-treated wood on the playground equipment? There are plenty of dangers out there, and someone smoking in the general vicinity of a child isn't the gravest of threats. The chance of getting lung cancer from being exposed a handful of times to distant second-hand smoke is pretty small. The studies on second-hand smoke tend to look at enclosed spaces and are suspect in many instances.

http://www.gasdetection.com/news2/he...s_digest6.html

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Stossel/s...1955237&page=1


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## zippy_francis (Jan 9, 2008)

Well I can say that my kids getting cancer from second hand smoke ranks really low on my worry list. I agree there are far more pollutants out there to worry about.

However, second hand smoke fears is not what makes me not want to be around that, especially with my kids. It is the disgusting smell that makes my eyes water and burn, gives me a migraine headache and makes me nauseaous. Not to mention WE then get to walk around smelling like an ashtray, becuase of someone elses personal choices.

I just refuse to believe smokers are 'unaware' that their cigarettes smell and may bother people, in addition to the fact that it is also not healthy for everyone involved


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grumpybear* 
We live outside of city limits but we go ahead and attend city council meetings anyway and petition council.
It's not as if you are asking for something outrageous and the least they could do is hear you out. The worst they can do is say no.
I'd preface my request with,something like, "I live outside city limits but am in town everyday and do a lot of my business here".
Just recently a bunch of us petitioned council for something. NONE of us lived in the city. Which was, in fact, something used against us by the council members opposed to our petition. Our petition was approved.








I guess what I am saying is that even if an idea comes from someone who is not a citizen of said town, councilmembers can still hear it out and decide if it is for the betterment of their city. Wouldn't hurt to ask.

OH! I had no idea, I thought you HAD to be a resident to attend meetings!! Though I'm still toying with the idea of taking it to the state level (because I can just envision myself going to town council meetings for every surrounding city lol!!)


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VisionaryMom* 
Or they don't buy into paranoia second-hand smoke. After all, do your children breathe around running cars? Are they playing on plastic or chemically-treated wood on the playground equipment? There are plenty of dangers out there, and someone smoking in the general vicinity of a child isn't the gravest of threats. The chance of getting lung cancer from being exposed a handful of times to distant second-hand smoke is pretty small. The studies on second-hand smoke tend to look at enclosed spaces and are suspect in many instances.

http://www.gasdetection.com/news2/he...s_digest6.html

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Stossel/s...1955237&page=1

But do those studies factor in genetics and other risk factors that would make one more susceptible? Unless people have a child's medical charts in front of them it isn't something someone can just brush off.

Regardless of cancer there are allergies, asthma and a host of other issues that have nothing to do with cancer that would make it risky if one were exposed.

If I wanted someone to smoke around my kids I wouldn't have quit smoking for them.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VisionaryMom* 
Or they don't buy into paranoia second-hand smoke. After all, do your children breathe around running cars? Are they playing on plastic or chemically-treated wood on the playground equipment? There are plenty of dangers out there, and someone smoking in the general vicinity of a child isn't the gravest of threats. The chance of getting lung cancer from being exposed a handful of times to distant second-hand smoke is pretty small. The studies on second-hand smoke tend to look at enclosed spaces and are suspect in many instances.

http://www.gasdetection.com/news2/he...s_digest6.html

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Stossel/s...1955237&page=1

I don't think the whole second-hand smoke thing is paranoia -- and those articles do little to convince me otherwise. And obviously 5 minutes of smoke exposure isn't going to kill you, but 5 minutes 10 times a day really adds up (because it seems like EVERYONE smokes around here)... Not to mention non-lethal effects like asthma, and the 'gross' factor -- I cannot STAND the smell of smoke, and it makes me cough like crazy. Obviously there's no way to eliminate every potential threat (i.e. running cars & plastic playgrounds) but smoking is so obvious & unnecessary. Plus the litter! Why on earth do smokers feel more 'at liberty' to litter & leave their butts everywhere? It's just gross! I just feel the whole thing is so inconsiderate on so many levels.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Oh yes, the litter of the butts! My DS likes to pick up the garbage at the playground to throw it in the cans







and I HATE when he picks up a nasty butt. I always try to get to him before he does but those should not be on a playground


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## Princess ConsuelaB (Apr 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LROM* 

And even though I understand assuming all smokers who would smoke around kids must be rude thoughtless people, I'm telling you they aren't all like that. You've had a couple in this very thread tell you that!







Try it, you'll probably be suprised how accomodating people can be to a reasonable request.

I am sorry but I feel I have to disagree with this statement. "Polite" smokers(I do know many) do _not_ just casually smoke around children or on public play equipment with other people's children, if they do this(particularly without asking others if it is minded) then they are by default NOT polite smokers. If (general)you smoke casually with children present then "you" are mistaken in believing yourself to be a polite(or thoughtful, whatevs) smoker, that's just the truth.

***That said***

I think people have the _right_ to do all sorts of things, that does not make it polite or socially acceptable to do so. I have the "right" to sit next to your lovely picnic lunch in the park and proceed to pick the skin between my toes and eat it(would never do something so disgusting, it's just a pointed example... you could substitute; I have the right to open mouth cough my germs everywhere or fart prolifically







) but it's gross AND impolite and you would also have the right to ask me to cease or move elsewhere to engage in said behavior....sure you could also move your picnic but why should you have to, "I'm" the one being thoughtless and rude in the first place, "I" am in the wrong...period. Basic consideration of those around you is part of being in a society. In this case one has a (well known to be and indefensibly) nasty habit which may affect or bother others around them and which could easily be delayed or engaged in a few feet further, therefore they should be the first to concede out of manners and consideration to others(in this case, especially because it is specifically a.place.for._children_.to.play). Yes, it's passive aggressive and immature to whisper and glare as a response, I fully admit it, however the truth is if "you" were smoking off to the side or making some real effort to be unobtrusive with your smoking I might sigh to myself but I would appreciate the effort and either ask politely or not give you another thought depending on the situation. Dumba$$ery however, trumps your right to a perfectly polite response imo







Most people I think can differentiate between reasonable polite smokers and the other kind.Smoking around children is not socially acceptable, it has been so in the past but this is no longer the case.


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## buttercup784ever (Aug 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VisionaryMom* 
Or they don't buy into paranoia second-hand smoke. After all, do your children breathe around running cars? Are they playing on plastic or chemically-treated wood on the playground equipment? There are plenty of dangers out there, and someone smoking in the general vicinity of a child isn't the gravest of threats. The chance of getting lung cancer from being exposed a handful of times to distant second-hand smoke is pretty small. The studies on second-hand smoke tend to look at enclosed spaces and are suspect in many instances.

http://www.gasdetection.com/news2/he...s_digest6.html

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Stossel/s...1955237&page=1

Yes, and 9 out of 10 doctors smoke camels.









As if lung cancer is the ONLY threat that cigarettes pose. There are many children that have asthma, and cigarette smoke can trigger asthma attacks. But let's pretend that all the children at the park are perfectly healthy...cigarettes STINK. It's rude to go into a shared, public environment and make other people suffer just because you 'feel like it'.

It was on the radio this morning that here in San Antonio they are about to pass a law banning smoking in ALL public places. And the state of TX is considering a statewide ban.


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## junipermuse (Nov 1, 2006)

I saw this article earlier today and it reminded me of this thread.

http://health.usnews.com/health-news...ms-airway.html

According to the article it seems that even incredibly minimal exposure to cigarette smoke can cause damage.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

I'd probably just give them a look like they were insane, but I'm not sure I would say anything. I do hate the smell though, so I'd probably leave if it was a small park and no way to really get away from mit.

To be honest, I'd be more worried about a kid getting burned than breathing in the smoke, so perhaps I would approach it that way..."Excuse me, but could you put out that cigarette, I'm worried that a kid might accidentally run into it and get burned".

I've been burned by a cigarette before and it hurts!


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *junipermuse* 
I saw this article earlier today and it reminded me of this thread.

http://health.usnews.com/health-news...ms-airway.html

According to the article it seems that even incredibly minimal exposure to cigarette smoke can cause damage.

This is what my gut has always told me all along. And who knows, maybe it will turn out to be an over-reaction & they'll find out second-hand smoke is really harmless 10 years down the line (though I doubt it) but since there are absolutely no BENEFITS to being exposed, why not be extra cautious?

Oh and noobmom, I was worried about someone getting burned too!


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CherryBomb* 
I tend to act really disgusted and wave the smoke away, they usually get the point.

Me, too. My mom is a smoker and I smoked briefly before quitting (dh would not date a smoker). The smell and smoke seriously hurts my lungs and makes me sneezy. I get really mad when people smoke around kids after memories of my mom smoking around me as a kid. So I'm not too friendly if they are being rude or irresponsible about it.


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