# Tell me about having kids 3 years apart!



## Hollin (Jun 26, 2005)

Because I'm about to have just that! My son just turned 3 last week and I'm 35 weeks pregnant with another little boy. I'm curious to hear any tips, what was good and what was hard, etc. Anything I can do to help prepare my son in this last month or 2? We've been doing the usual stuff like playing with baby dolls, reading books about being a big sibling, talking about it, etc.

My first is a good little guy and is gentle and listens well, but he's very energetic. He goes to preschool every morning so that is helping provide entertainment, but I'm just not sure how I'm going to keep him entertained all afternoon. My husband works long hours and often isn't home until after ds1 is in bed. How do you get 2 kids to bed at once?

Also if anyone could talk about jealousy issues with nursing I'd appreciate it. I weaned my son without trauma at about 27 months, but he definitely still remembers it and is kind of attached to my breasts (like he likes to rest his head on them and sort of stick his hand in my collar when we're snuggling). We've been talking a lot about how baby brother is going to nurse and watching videos of newborns nursing, but I'm still worried this is going to be a major source of jealousy. Any tips on dealing with this? My preference would be to not unwean him, but I'm willing to do it if it would help with his relationship with his brother.

Thank you so much for sharing any insight and experiences!


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## suabel (May 24, 2005)

Congrats on your second little bundle! My first two are 2.75 years apart. To be honest, my oldest wasn't at all jealous of the baby at first (when she got old enough to crawl around and touch her toys it was another story). She mostly ignored her, with a little attention thrown in when she felt generous.









One bit of advice someone gave me that I thought was genius was not to always make the older child wait. Of course we don't want to let our babies cry unnecessarily, but if the little one is fussy sometimes it's okay to vocalize, "one minute, sweetie...Bobby needs Mommy first," and finish attending to the big sibling first. This way the older child knows that he isn't always on the back burner.

Really, it sounds like you are preparing your son well. Psyching him up to be the older brother by reinforcing all of the things babies can't do that he now can (the baby can't have ice cream; you can) sometimes help soften the blow of the things baby gets (mommy's milk, pacifiers, etc.). Good luck.


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## Sheryl1678 (Sep 15, 2006)

My dd1 (3.5) has responded remarkably well to her new sister. I think the advice from the pp is excellent.

I had weaned dd when I first became pregnant and now I let her nurse once in awhile again, not full time and not on demand but enough so that she doesn't feel left out and still gets the nutrition. We frequently tandem and its really great for the three of us.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Ours are 3 years apart (3 years 3 weeks to be exact). Ds weaned at 16 months, so while he was curious about nursing, he didn't remember it.

I agree with "asking" the baby to wait. "OK, I'll be there as soon as I finish helping your brother get his shoes on" made ds realize that he wasn't the only one who had to wait.

Ds was remarkably uninterested in his sister for the first few months. It took him about 5 months to realize that she was a permanent addition. I remember driving somewhere and he asked 'so, at Christmas, are we going to send her back?'

Carving out a little special time for you to spend with your ds every day will go a long way. So, while the baby naps, find something that the 2 of you can do together.

Get some books on new babies and make them available. He may or may not want to read them.

Create a nursing box full of special things that only get taken out when you nurse.

If your dh isn't around to help you get the kids to sleep (my dh was, or I think I would have gone nuts), then I recommend all 3 of you together in your bed, and if you don't co-sleep with your older son, you can move him after he falls asleep. Perfect side-lying nursing. Since I had to be up more and had less time to nap, that was my saving grace.

ETA: My kids are 4 and 7 now and play together VERY nicely.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

My first two are three years apart. I thought the spacing was nice. the only issues we had was that #2 was a diffcult and I wasn't always able to tend to my 3 year olds needs like her need for a nap. but they have always been extremely close.


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## mamaUK (Jul 9, 2008)

I have two girls 3 years 4 weeks apart and it is such a lovely age gap! Its great b/c your older one will be able to vocalise his needs, which makes it so much easier. As a pp said, it was only when my baby started crawling that little fights over stuff has broken out, but overall, not really that often, a couple of times a day maybe. My older girl really thrived on being the 'big girl', she decided to potty train when baby was 3 weeks old (attention maybe?) and b/c I had left it until she was alomst three it happened it a space of two weeks and she loved wearing her 'big girl pants' as she called them LOL. She also wanted to be allowed certain privaliges again b/c she was a 'big girl' i can't think of any examples right now. So that difference between her and the baby really seemed to help. I know it doesn't always work like this though, sometime the older child will want to revert to 'babyish' things, like nursing or starting to wet themselves if they have been potty trained, which is all pretty normal. Unless you're completely against it, maybe you might think about letting him nurse or pretend to if that is what he wants and just see it as a phase which will pass within a couple of months. I must admit though, my older girl has been receiving more cuddles than baby (well 10 months now) b/c i was so worried about her feeling left out. this has helped too, but now i feel like i need to give plenty of cuddles to younger one to make up!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Mine were just about the same ages as yours will be, and I found that they were great together.

I have to say that dd1 is pretty good at entertaining herself for periods of time. She likes me to see what she's done or she'll come and check out what I'm up to, but fre play time is good, especially if he's in part-time preschool.

I never found bed time an issue because the baby doesn't go to bed until after dd1. I used to bath dd2 earlier in the day to avoid the bedtime crunch. DD1 really liked to help with this. Now that d2 is a year they bath together.

I've found supper is the busyist time, especially if baby is wanting to be held. I try to save something special for that time of day, and made very simple meals when the baby was small. DD1 likes to help make dinner, but if that's not possible, and she won't play alone, I pop on a video for her.


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