# Nearly 3 and she still needs to hold my hand to fall asleep



## CherieBerry (Feb 16, 2007)

My daughter is almost 3 and she still needs to hold my hand to fall asleep. She'll either sleep in her BigGirlBed in her bedroom, a mattress on the floor next to our bed, or she'll sleep in bed with mommy and daddy. Regardless of where she sleeps, she needs a hand to hold. I really don't care where she sleeps, just as long as she sleeps, KWIM? Honestly, I don't think she needs to hold my hand anymore. I don't mind sitting with her until she falls asleep. I just want my hand back! When I don't give it to her, she screams and begins a tantrum. I'm such a softie, so I give her the hand back. I know I should grow a spine, especially now that her 3rd birthday is next week, but I give in way too easily. I've tried stuffed animals, blankets, etc. She doesn't care for them.

Any thoughts?


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Your baby is only 2 years old- what's the rush in "weaning" her from hand-holding at bedtime?


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## mamadawg (Jun 23, 2004)

My twins are almost 3 and a half and they still need me to lay next to them to fall asleep on most nights. Whether they actually "need" me there isn't really an issue to me. If they feel like they need me, then they still do.

Ruthla is right, she's still a baby. If it's uncomfortable for you to give her your hand every night, could you try giving her a stuffed animal or some other beloved object to hold while you lay next to her? Maybe you could hold her while she falls asleep? I find that holding them is way more comfortable than me extending body parts to them.









ETA. Sorry, I missed the part about giving her a stuffed animal.


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## Mary-Beth (Nov 20, 2001)

Do you want to hold her hand as she drifts off to sleep? Why or why not?

I think you could look at what you want and your reasons.
Is it because you think "good mom's" teach their kids to go to bed a certain way by a certain age? Or, is it becasue you are just too tired yourself or have other things you want to be doing instead of holding her hand (not saying that is wrong either.) I think you need to find a routine that works for both of you. I wouldn't recommend letting her cry and I wouldn't recommend giving in when she cries...instead you get clear about what you each want and then you find a solution to help get you there. For example, hold her hand for say 5 minutes then tell her you are going to go get your pajamas on (or some something esle) and you'll come back and hold her hand for 5 more minutes. Keep your word with her and don't tell her you'll be back if you won't. Read stories - make up stories about going to sleep and what you can do to drift off to sleep or go back to sleep in the night. Encourage her to come up with ideas for herself. But if you look at your reasons for not wanting to hold her hand to sleep and you realize that you just think 3 yo should be going ot sleep on their own....I'd say you might re-think that. It's a sweet time that passes quickly. The years pass so quickly. There is nothing wrong with holding her hand to sleep unless it just isn't working for you. You know? If it isn't then there is nothing wrong with helping her feel comfortable going to sleep on her own either.


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## tribalmax (Oct 10, 2004)

I had to laugh when I read this post because DD is almost 3 and I would LOVE it if she were able to just fall asleep while holding my hand. lol

DD and many of her friends are not this easy to get to sleep.

Personally, I would consider yourself lucky!









Sorry, I know this is probably not all that helpful, but I couldn't not post.


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## MomInFlux (Oct 23, 2003)

DD turned 3 just two months ago, and she's taken to falling asleep with my hand either on her cheek or tucked under her cheek. She needs the contact and the comfort, and it's an easy thing to give. Honestly, it's one of the best times of day, when we're laying side by side and her face gets soft and her eyes get heavy and she looks so HAPPY that we're snuggled up together







:


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

I LOVE falling asleep with DS







. I can't imagine the day he wouldn't want me to. He likes to hold hands, or have me put my arm around his waist. It's the sweetest thing in the world and I couldn't imagine not being a part of his good-night


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## Mama_Michelle (Mar 15, 2006)

My DD will be 4 in July and also has to hold my hand to fall asleep. I would guess it is not that uncommon at that age to need some physical contact to fall asleep. If you are not comfortable with it that is a different story and I would agree with the pp about coming to some agreement that works for both of you. My DD only takes about 5-10 minutes to fall asleep these days so I have no resentful feelings about laying with her, holding her hand.

Things were rougher for us when she was 1-2 yrs old because she was still sleeping on my neck and face







. Laying with her on my neck for an hour while she fell asleep was driving me nuts so I slowly worked with her to move her next to me, still snuggled so close. Ahhh! The years go by so fast and already I yearn for those days when she was so little and snuggly. So to be honest...I am thankful she still wants to hold my hand.


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## CherieBerry (Feb 16, 2007)

Thank you everyone!!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Sounds normal and pretty easy to me!

-Angela


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## Zaxmama (Mar 2, 2004)

my first thoughts when I saw this post was WOW her child is 3 and she still *gets* to hold her hand to sleep..lucky Mama and Lucky lil one.
One day our children won't need/want us there all the time..We should treasure the innocence of there youth now...( at least thats what I tell myself when I start to feel otherwise...)


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## dillonandmarasmom (May 30, 2005)

sounds like a sweet way to drift off. i understand it can be frustrating to have to wait there for her to fall asleep, but she is getting so much comfort from that little gesture.
Okay, no longer nak...
My DS is almost 4 and still needs my hair in his hand to get to sleep. Both DC are in our family bed, but I don't usually go to bed when they do, so I rest and wait for them both to be out and sneak away. I sometimes feel frustrated that he needs to twist and turn my hair, but I remind myself that both our dc go to bed sooo peacefully, this is the least I can do. I am grateful that bedtime isn't, and has never been, any sort of struggle. Would you really want to create a stress for her by having her go it alone? She'll want her independence soon enough...


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## ani'smommy (Nov 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tribalmax* 
I had to laugh when I read this post because DD is almost 3 and I would LOVE it if she were able to just fall asleep while holding my hand. lol

DD and many of her friends are not this easy to get to sleep.

Personally, I would consider yourself lucky!









Sorry, I know this is probably not all that helpful, but I couldn't not post.









: I would be thrilled if all I had to do was hold her hand.


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## jai mata (May 31, 2006)

I undertand, don' t feel bad for wanting your hand back...you probably go back an forth with it I'm sure....what worked for my now eight year old was to put his toddler bed at the foot of our bed and he held onto my foot to get to sleep!

It didn't bother me at all and he could grab my foot at night if he needed it!

Good luck and this will pass...promise!


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## MilkbarMom (Mar 28, 2003)

My daughter weaned at 3yrs 2 months, and she still held on to a "boobie" every night to go to sleep until she was five. She would get in my lap to cuddle and go to sleep, and would look up at me with her big baby blues and say in the sweetest voice "can I PLEEEESE snuggle with a boobie mommy". Even now still at 6, every now and then if she had a bad dream she will ask if she can cuddle next to my breast.

I agree with the other posters, a hand is a walk in the park, enjoy it!


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## Nunny (Jun 24, 2005)

My daughter will be 4 in may and I hold her hand over her brothers head while I bf him. Our saving grace was when she stopped taking naps and she's out in 10 min or less.


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## editmom (Dec 6, 2006)

Mom, I know you are so serious with your concern about hand holding. Some of us have points that send out the creepy crawlys. I am sorry that it send you into the creppy crawly place. When my daughter was 3 she was nursing at night, during the day when she was hurt, and whenever things were real stressfull. Se stopped nursin by negotiation and bribing(yes, I reallly did that) just before kindergarten. Now, in college she comes home and crawls into our family bed and touches and tells us how much we are missed, it seems like her resting, meditation place. I am glad she had my breast within that firs minut and I am greatful that she had a daddy who got up with her when I was exhausted and played blocks. I am so glad she chose to be my child.


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## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

I would cherish it. A year or two from now, when she no longer does this, it's going to be one of those things you really, really miss.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

In a couple of years, you will look at the pix of when she was 2 and think
"She was a baby, and I thought she was so grown up".

It's not something one truly understands until the time passes.

I would, at this point, simply say, "There is nothing wrong with your toddler".

I know none of that helps at this point...but as she has only been on this earth for 2 years, walking for maybe a few months...try not to worry and let it be.


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## Krystal323 (May 14, 2004)

my ds did this til he was pretty old, i really don't even remember when he stopped, but i might guess 4. He's a kid who's really highly sensitive, and any little change in routine/expectations/etc always annoys him a LOT and takes him awhile to make peace with it.

my dd is the complete opposite and wants to be miss independant in everything, including falling asleep.

I'd say just roll with their little quirks, she's only a kid once and before you'll know it she won't want you to hold her hand anymore









good luck


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## aprildawn (Apr 1, 2004)

My oldest DD will be 5 in May. She holds my hand to go to sleep. Most nights she's out in 3-5 minutes. A friend's DD (also almost 5) holds her face in her hands while she falls asleep. That would give me a crick in my neck! I'm grateful all DD needs in my hand!

Your kid is normal in my book.


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