# First Miscarriage at 16 weeks with lots of questions



## charityreine (Feb 1, 2007)

This is my 4th pregnancy and 1st miscarriage so I am at a loss. I saw my MW at 12 weeks and got strong hearttones 170. Around 15 weeks I started to fill pressure and a very full feeling in my abdomen. On Dec 30, I started to have redsish brown spotting with mild cramps. I saw my MW the next day and she cound not find a heartbeat. We scheduled an ultrasound for that Monday and was on bedrest for the weekend. The ultrsound showed no heartbeat or movement. The baby was measuring around 13 weeks but uterus was still at 16 weeks. She believes that it happened later than 13 weeks but lack of blood flow is causing baby is shrink. Last night I started bleeding and cramping more than ever but now it is just spotting.

When is this going to end? My in-laws are in town to help with my kids. I am so scared it is going to happen while out with the kids. Is there anything I can do? I still look 16 weeks pregnant and that is very hard to deal with emotionaly. Everyone around just wants it to be over and my kids are so confused. We just told them last week. I can't ask my in-laws to stay for weeks until I pass the baby but I don't want to be in public when it happens. What are things I should expect with a miscarriage? My MW said now it will be different that my 16 week baby I was expecting. I am so sad, lost and confused.

Thanks, Charity


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## lollie2357 (Feb 18, 2008)

I'm so sorry, Charity. My baby died at 13 weeks, and I had a d&c at 14 weeks, so I can't help with the questions about miscarriage. I have heard you can take a pill to hurry it along, but I'm sure someone else can tell you about that. My kids are confused, too. We told them our baby went to heaven instead of coming to live with us, that we're sad but we'll see him later. They still don't really understand that, but we talk about it whenever they bring it up.

So sorry for your loss. I'm sure you'll find answers here!


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## frugalmum (Nov 5, 2009)

I also opted for a D&C. I think your body will give you some warning. I can understand wanting to be home-- can you just try to stay close to home for the next few days?


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I would go to the hospital and be induced. I lost a baby at 16 weeks and he was 8 inches long and several ounces. Now the baby has been decomposing for a whole inside of you too. I am trying to say, I don't think this is something you want to do at home.

I suggest going to the hospital and whatever you do, do not have a D&E. Deliver your baby, say goodbye to him, and have him cremated or buried.

((((hugs))))


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Your baby most likely looks just a like a tiny baby. I carried my daughter for a month after she died and she was not decomposed even slightly. It's actually impossible for something to decompose in a sterile environment. Your baby may be smooshed a little bit on the side he/she is lying on but the will be no decomposition.

My 16wk m/c happened very suddenly. I had no bleeding at all until the day it happened. He was out within hours of the first spot of blood. If I could choose how to do it I would get misoprostil (cytotec) and do it at home when I had everything prepared. Of course that is a personal decision for every woman to make but it's certainly not cut and dry that you need to be in a hospital. I've had three 2nd tri losses with absolutely no medical care involved. I do agree that it is a good idea to deliver your baby and hold him/her unless you just can't face that. I held my babies, took their pictures and cremated them; they are my children and I wanted to see and hold them and say goodbye and I've seen too many women regret not doing that.

As for the miscarriage it will probably be a small labor with lots of blood. Ask your midwife what to look for with blood loss, when to get help etc; there's not much else you need to know unless you want to get herbs and such to deal with complications on your own if any arise.

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry, mama.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

I agree with krista fully.

I was 16 wks 4 days when I found out that my baby had died. He was between 13-14 wks when he died. I found out on a friday and went home and prepared my space, cleaned, arranged for meals, etc. I was induced with cytotec at my home under hte care of my midwife on monday (I was 17 wks). She left while I slept. The labor was easy and we contacted her as soon as the baby arrived. He was NOT decomposed at all. I had him in the privacy of my home. We held him and spent time with him. All of the children got to meet him. It really helped in their understanding of hte situation. We chose to do a private burial service at the cemetary near our church. A lot of cemetaries don't charge for babies. We got the book "we were expecting a baby but had an angel instead" and that has helped my children a lot. I do not regret my decision at all and feel that it was the best decision for our family. I took a lot of pictures but wish that I had gotten pics of just his hands and feet and that I had taken belly photos. I also wish that I had weighed and measured him and gotten footprints and hand prints. I didn't get pics of him with the kids or family photos and i wish that I had done that as well. Do as much as you can to get as many memories possible if you never look at them again then that is fine but you will have them in case you choose to. My placenta was 17 wks and my midwife prepared it for me in a smoothy. I have done that before but am so grateful I was able to use my placenta in this situation. It really helped with the energy and the depression.

Pm if you want more info. I can send you a pic of my son if you are interested to give you an idea of what you might see. He was a perfect little baby with fingers, toes, the whole deal. He did not have eyelids and his eyes were a bit "alien like" which I wasn't expecting. Also, he was very soft and I was worried about damaging him but wish that I had held him more and not been so careful. I am so grateful that I got to meet my son and for hte time that I had with him. I don't know if I could have waited longer than the weekend as that was excruciating but am grateful that I got to do it in the privacy of my own home.

I am very sorry for you loss. If there is anything i can do to help please let me know.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

I just noticed that krista said there might be a lot of blood. I did not have any blood until after his birth. then it was like a heavy period with a few small clots. I bled for 4 days (i think it is shortened bcs of the placenta).

I did bleed a lot more with my missed m/c at 12.5 wks. I think each baby and woman are different, just like with live births.


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## charityreine (Feb 1, 2007)

My MW is leary of using any herbs or medicine because I am a VBAC. She does not want to do anything that would harm my scar. I do want to hold the baby but she said it might not look like the correct age due to lack of blood. Can you tell the sex if it died at 13 weeks? She said it might have died at 13 weeks or due to lack of blood it is getting smaller over time. Does anyone know if it get smaller? I have been bleeding since last night with no clots. I want just want to pass the baby so we can begin to grieve and remember. Right now I still look pregnant and sad to think my baby is dead inside me. Thanks for everyones help!!


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

if you have already started bleeding my guess is that it want be too long, your body has already started the process. I was able to tell that my son was a boy and he was probably about 13-14 wks I heard the hb at 12 wks 4 days. You can use evening primrose oil to soften the cervix (check with your mw but that shouldn't cause any problems with your scar). My son was about 3 1/2 inches long, no idea how much he weighed but not much. I pm'd you.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

I had hardly any blood with my 21wk loss. The most blood I lost was with my blighted ovum at 12wks; with my 16wk loss I lost a good amount and got dizzy and warm but it was all okay, I just needed to lay flat on my back with my feet up for a few minutes. It really is just different for every woman but I think most women do tend to bleed during the labor with a m/c whereas you don't see much of that with live birth.

Yeah I totally understand not doing the cytotec as a VBAC, I wouldn't do it either. I waited a month with my last loss; it was incredibly difficult but I am glad that I did it that way and got to hold her and see her.

At 13wks you may be able to tell the sex if you look up pictures of fetal genital development online. It will NOT look like a newborns genitals at that stage. I don't think my babies shrunk at all, their body size was totally spot on for the point at which they died even thought they'd been dead for some time.


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## Milk8shake (Aug 6, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *charityreine*
> 
> The baby was measuring around 13 weeks but uterus was still at 16 weeks. She believes that it happened later than 13 weeks but lack of blood flow is causing baby is shrink.
> 
> Thanks, Charity


I'm not sure how your midwife is drawing a conclusion regarding blood flow - it seems a bit odd to me.

I can tell you for certain that with two of my losses, my uterus continued to measure ahead, even after the babies had passed. At the time of my most recent D&C, my uterus measured exactly at the gestational age, despite the baby's passing nearly 2 weeks earlier.

I would consider it pretty doubtful that you would have such a significant amount of 'shrinkage' in such a small time, and would lean more toward the possibility that your baby passed at 13weeks. Also, I would think that your chances of determining sex are quite good.

Cramping is a sign that things are progressing, but there is no guarantee that it will happen quickly. As rule, the later the gestation, the longer it can take. As mentioned, you could ask to be induced with misoprostol, but it wouldn't be advisable to be home alone if you do. You need to have a responsible adult with you at all times.

Sounds like your midwife is quite cautious, and that is fair enough. Having said that, I have had 3 uterine surgeries (not c sections), and doctors had no qualms about giving me misoprostal.

As far as worrying that it will happen when you are out, I think you would have enough warning, once things start to happen, to be able to get home.

My first loss was 12.5 weeks (natural), and I had dull cramping for at least 12 hours, and then more pronounced cramping for about 3ish hours, and then serious cramping for 45ish minutes before I actually passed the baby. You have to keep in mind that, even at 13 weeks, your cervix has to dilate a reasonable amount in order for you to pass the sac.

Hope this is somewhat helpful. Best of luck mama

ETA: my 12.5 week loss, there was a lot of blood. It was scary, but normal. If you fill a pad an hour for more than two consecutive hours, then you need to seek medical attention asap.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

just wondering how you are doing.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *theboysmama*
> 
> just wondering how you are doing.


Same here. I was thinking about you last night.


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## charityreine (Feb 1, 2007)

I am still bleeding but no closer than I was last week. I feel like my body is failing me and I just need to have this baby to greive. I have a dull pain in my lower left adomen so I don't know if that is good or a start of an infection. I am going to give myself a few more days then try blue/black cohosh. I am just afraid of making plans and feel like my life is on hold until it happens.

Thanks for all your support and help!!


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

Please know we are thinking about you.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

I have always had lots of funny pains in my belly while waiting to miscarry (and after it was done), I've never had any kind of infection. I used homeopathic blue and black cohosh, sometimes people's bodies respond better to it in that form but the herbs can definitely work. I certainly don't blame you for wanting to get it over with; it can be a terrible wait and it really does just stop everything. (((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I am so sorry









I hope everything goes as smoothly as it can so you can start healing. Peace to you~


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## charityreine (Feb 1, 2007)

I just wanted to update everyone. I did have my natural miscarriage Jan 17. I started having cramps Sunday night and by midnight I couldn't sleep anymore. I labored in the shower and bathroom until 5am. Things were hard but I am a doula and have experienced natural birth. At 5am I took a shower and things got intense fast. I passed a large clot and got very light headed. I guess I yelled for my husband who helped me to the bathroom floor where I continued to pass large clots. Somehow I made it to the bathroom and passed 3 more large clots. I looked at 1 and it seemed like the placenta but I started throwing up and shaking too much to check out anything else. My husband got scared and flushed the toilet.

I am so sad and miss my baby. I really wanted to hold it and say goodbye. I also wanted to see if we could tell the sex. It just hit my husband yesterday that he flushed our baby and what happened to us. He was in denial and just wanted things to be over that he shut down for the past weeks. I am not mad at him because know he did the best he could in that situtation.

I feel like everyone around me wants to move on and see me happy. I am okay when I am busy but cry a lot when I am alone. I just feel lost and empty. Part of me would like to try to have another baby and part of me is so scared of going through this again. This miscarriage broke me down and I don't know if I can go through it again.

I guess I am just having a hard time moving on to the next step. I hate feeling lost and alone but don't know what to do.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

I'm so glad you are done physically and got to do it naturally like you wanted. I'm sorry that you didn't get to hold your baby. Lots and LOTS of parents freak out and flush the baby.









I've been using EFT and matrix re-imprinting to deal with my losses and it has helped me tremendously.


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