# when did goody bags come to be standard?



## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

When I was child there were no such things as goody bags (I'm almost 29) at birthday parties. You either went to someone's house and played tag/pin the tail on the donkey/kickball out in the backyard or went to the skating rink or pool. There was always a cake and some snacky stuff, and at the end of the party you maybe had a little junky toy that came from out of the pinata to take home with you.

Now, from what I gather, the party-givers are expected to give goody bags to all the kids who attend the party. Am I just a grinch, or does anyone else hate this? Where and when did this custom arise anyways? Is it left over from the era of "poor little Suzy Q is going to be upset if the birthday girl gets presents and she doesn't" and so the goody bag is used to make everyone feel special? IME, to many kids seem to expect that every time they go somewhere, every time they behave well, that they are entitled to some kind of treat. It drives me bonkers.

My dd's birthday is coming up and we'll be having a small party. I'm not worried about the goody bag issue this year since there will only be 2 other kids there, and only 1 of them is even cognizant of such things. In the future, though, am I going to make my daughter a social outcast because no one will want to come to her birthday parties because there are no goody bags? How has everyone else dealt with the issue?


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## Clarity (Nov 19, 2001)

My 1yo and a 1mo foster baby got goody bags, that had a book, a toy and a bottle/sippy, and maybe some other stuff. Probably from the dollar store, but still!! I've seen goody bags from my childhood...they were little paper sacks, with like toys from cracker jack boxes!

I would just not do it. Period. Pretend ignorance to the whole custom? Maybe compromise and give one "souvenir" type item once your children are preschool age and older?


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## darlindeliasmom (Nov 19, 2001)

I think that they've been in vogue ever since b-day parties turned onto "themed" events...with all the marketing that surrounds that. But I remember as a child getting goodies...and I'm 45!! Moostly, tho' they were more like the [arty favors you see at showers and the like. Plus we would play games like peanut rolls or carrying pennies on the tops of our shiny patent leather shoes (I went to b-day parties as a little girl in ruffley dresses, anklets, and polished shoes. I AM OLD!!!). We would have some container to carry the peanuts and pennies home in...

That said, do whatever feels right to you...DD is in kindergarten, and we had a small party for 6 friends (the age she is) at home. EVERY other party from school has been all 18 kids at some big place. Lots of money, lots of goodies, too much stimulation!!
We do goodie bags, but keep it simple, and DD always picks some absurd theme. (This yr it was snow; I think her original plan was to put snowballs in the goodie bags!). Really, I'm talking snowflake pencil, some Hershey's kisses, some snowflake and snowman stickers...

I think the party should be enough--2 hours of fun with your friends.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

Just my 2 cents but if everyone in the class gives out goodies bags and you don't your child will feel the repercussions. However, that is not reason enough to hand them out. You just will need to be prepared on how to discuss it with her _IF_ it does, as you would with any teasing. Kids can be cruel about the smallest things.

Case in point, my friend just celebrated her daughters first birthday with just family but it was still a party complete with balloons, party hats and a cake. The 2 cousins age 4 and 6 kept asking where the goodie bags were and even said "boy, what a bummer, every party we go has them!" when she explained she didn't have any. They then went to their mother to complain that my friend was just plain mean. Now good or bad manners aside kids do notice these things and in their minds Birthday Parties=Goodie Bags. They didn't know any different.


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## mirlee (Jul 30, 2002)

Sam celebrated his birthday at daycare. The birthday parties always include pizza and most now give goodie bags or some cookie or cupcake to go along for an after nap treat. The kids also tend to have character plates.

Sam's party had character plates, hats and napkins. We ordered pizza for the class and baked sugar cookies. It was a huge hit.

I think it is important to match what the other parents do. Not just because the kids expect it, but also so that I am not looked on as a cheapskate by the parents who have done all those things.


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## mshollyk (Sep 24, 2002)

i've done it under pressure, but i don't like it. my ds has all this junk laying around the house that he's acquired from these goody bags. i usually end up throwing the stuff away when he's asleep...

not only that, but they are often filled with candy that we don't eat because of the gelatin in it (we're vegetarians). and some of them are exclusively candy...YUCK.

i also don't remember getting goody bags when i was a kid. but maybe i didn't go to that many parties







:


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## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

I'm 32, and I do remember goody bags from when I was a child. What I have noticed, though, is some people spend way too much on goody bags! Don't get me wrong, it's very generous of them, but my dd has one friend whose parents give little personalized plastic cases filled with hair bows or whatever, and it's like very kid goes home with a gift. I just don't think it's necessary, and I'm glad ALL of dd's friend's parents don't do this!

One good idea for children as they get older is this - do a craft as an activity at the party, so each child gets to take home what he or she made. This past year my dd had her party at a bakery and each child made a whole tray of cookies which were then packaged up for them to take home.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I love the goody bags.







Not so much getting them but giving them. we usually load a paper bag with bubbles, gum and candy, stickers and balloons. Dd decorates the bags and writes thankyous on them. great fun. It is a good way to help her relize that it was very nice of these people to even show up much less bring a gift so this is our way of saying thank you. If you don't want what is in them say thank you and throw it away when you get home. I remember getting these when I was a kid and it was so fun. we usually keep the cost under $2 per bag. At the last big bash we threw ( big meaning 6 kids plus siblings







) kids also took home an apron they decorated. I probably could have skipped the goody bag but we love them too much. We got one once that had nail polsh and lipstic (nasty childrens stuff) and that was really annoying but some parents had complained to her the year before about candy







: so she didn't know what to put in them.

I say if you are uncomfortable about it then don't do but is nice to leave with some token of the party. Perhaps you could get a poleroid and send home pictures with everyone.


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## MamaOui (Aug 9, 2002)

I am 29 and I remember goody bags. They usually had candy in them. Ds#1 just turned 3, so we had a small party the last two years w/ cousins and a friend. We let each child take home a balloon and we give goody bags with a Hotwheel car (99 cents) a notepad (buy a pack of little ones), a washable stamp, bubbles, plah-doh, or stickers (stuff like that). Each bag costs like 3 bucks and they love them.

I think it is hard for a 2, 3, 4... year old to watch one person sit there and open up a bunch of presents and after they are opened, some birthday boys/girls don't even want to share their new gifts. A simple goody bag keeps them all on equal footing and gives the guests something fun to focus on. I think it is important to honor the birthday boy/girl, but young kids feel left out if they just sit and watch one kid have all the glory. I also tell my son it is our way of thanking our guests for coming.


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## KimberMama (Mar 8, 2002)

I'm not thrilled with the idea, but I do them anyway. I don't object to the idea, just the junk. I hate the cheap plastic toys and the hard candies and gum (that my children will choke on). For DS#1's party this year we gave each child (there were 6 in attendance) a cellophane bag with a Rainbow Fish book (It was a Rainbow Fish party) and kazoos. I spent about $3 per kid. For DS#2's party I gave each child a bicycle water bottle filled with a metal whistle, a bag of M&Ms, and Dum-Dum suckers (DH's contribution). I wrote each child's name and decorated each bottle with paint markers. I still spent around $3 per kid, but I did 32 of them!(the party was bicycle parade-themed).

Kimberly


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## ShannonCC (Apr 11, 2002)

We had goody bags when I was a kid (I'm 33).

Maybe this is because the older I get the less I care what others do. Maybe it's because we homeschool and don't have the peer pressure. Maybe it's because my kid isn't "old" yet. All I know is neither my dd or I care what other people do for birthdays. I don't feel obligated to do what they do. We went to a birthday once that was out of this world! The mom (a GREAT friend of mine!) had rented an inflatable space ship, invited something like 50 people, had it catered and had a big craft table set up for the kids in addition to the pinata and goody bags.

When my dd's birthday rolled around we had a party for her little friends. We only invited 4 kids (2 moms). We had a cake, themed plates and hats & stuff (Barbie Princess - go ahead and laugh







), small goody bags and . . . um . . that's it! And everyone had a ball at both parties









I enjoyed making the goody bags but I do not consider them mandatory. I also don't think that her friends (or the moms) would even notice if we didn't have them. I stay away from candy because my dd and one of her friends both have sugar issues. I like stuff like playdough (from the dollar store), stickers and notepads that get used up.

My dd is already talking about her b-day (6 months away!). She wants a pizza party


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

2 birthdays ago I stole an idea from a friend, and instead of goody bags, I bought hula hoops, so each child got a hula hoop and a little bag of candy. A better use of my money, and more useful for the kids too.


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## LambQueen (Mar 20, 2003)

I am 30, and I definitely remember goody bags. But we called them loot bags. How very un-P.C.!

They ranged from brown lunch bags to plastic bags that were made specifically for such an event.

For my 30th b-day I gave out goody bags to my friends joining me for a Sunday lunch. I just found stuff around the house (extra fun soaps, magic markers, super balls) and they loved it. It's a lot of fun.

But it shouldn't be a necessary thing. A craft project at a party is a great idea.

Sometimes kids get so many gifts, I think it's great to say to your child that you'll donate a few gifts to a local women's and children's shelter.


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## oncewerewise (Feb 14, 2003)

For my dd's last bday (4), we gave out gift bags. I bought these craft kits from the dollar store that were $2 each. Some were make a windchime, some were rocketships, some were less involved. I also bought tambourines for the under 2 set. (We had 14 kids ranging from 2 months to 12. The 2 month old is my nephew and his bag had a turtle sleeper in it -- not really a goody bag gift, I would have bought it for him anyway cause it was just so cute.)

My dd likes to make the gift bags, she puts each child's name on it and decorates it. I don't like sending home a lot of candy although this year my mother did buy a bunch of loose candy from the bulk store and little happy face cellophane bags. My dd put those together too counting out the candies so each child got the same ones (she washed her hands first!).

I thought about skipping the goody bag thing but I think it's kind of fun. I also like to do an activity that the child can take home or that we can give them later. For example, last year, each child decorated a frame (we cut them out of bristol board) with paint and felt pieces. We made sure to take a picture of each child during the course of the party. When we got the pictures back, we glued them to the frame and put sticky magnet on the back and wrote a thank you note on the back. I always write on the card who gave what and send a personalized note. Then we gave them back to everyone. I think it's nice to have a reminder.

Having said that, if we start early enough next year, I'd like my dd and I to make something for their goody bags. I don't like sending home stuff that gets thrown out or broken within a week. Mainly because I don't like having to bring that stuff home.

My dd also doesn't expect anything except cake and a good time when we go to someone else's party. I don't think she would mind at all going to a party and not getting a goody bag. But, if she went to a bday party without cake, I think she would remember that! LOL

I think you're fine not giving them out. And, if it does go over badly one year, you can always do it the next if it matters to your daughter.

Peace.


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## Mallory (Jan 2, 2002)

AT ds's 3 year party, we invited two other kids. Ds picked out 1 hotwheel a piece as a gift for them, I think he liked to have something to give them in return. That was all we gave out, not really goody bags, but also not just junk or candy, just a little gift to thank them for coming to celebrate with us.


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

I'm also 33 and do remember goody bags and party favors. More the party favors, though, and not every time. Now, though, dd1 does get a goody bag or little something when she goes to parties. I think it may be regional, though. She got one every time out east, but here in the midwest, maybe twice now. One time it was a dress up tea party and they all got their picture taken with the hostess/birthday girl (Polaroid) then decorated a little frame to put it in.

I agree that they are a nice way to say thank you. We've gotten thank you cards in goody bags before. I thought it was a nice touch. That said, I really dislike trying to figure out what to do with all the little plastic junk that comes in so many of them. One year we made little wooden finger puppets and the kids took theirs home. Two birds with one stone, an activity and a party favor. Another year, she had her party at the Rainforest cafe and I bought t-shirts in bulk for each kid. They were about $5 apiece and it was something useful. This past year it was just she and her cousin and we did a Magic Schoolbus theme. The party activity was science experiments and my sister made up little goody bags for the girls with safety goggles, a scale, and thermometer. They were a big hit!


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## Jillby (Mar 5, 2002)

I agree about the craft ideas. for my dds 4th bday the kids(of different ages) made placemats out of construction paper,cutout pictures from magazines and clear contact paper.They ate their cake on them and took them home after.


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## LoveBeads (Jul 8, 2002)

I am 37 and remember goody bags - maybe it was a regional thing?. Interestingly, I also made a comment to a friend that my dd has never had candy and she asked "how do you avoid it at birthday parties"? I told her that we have never even seen candy at a birthday party, let alone gotten it in a goody bag (my dd is 3 by the way and has been to at least 15 birthday parties, maybe more!). Maybe it does have something to do with the culture of the area in which you live.

Anyway, I do give out goody bags but (as mentioned) I never put candy in them. We usually give stickers, a book, bubbles, a slinky, playdough, etc. (not ALL of that, just one or maybe two items).

I wouldn't give them out if they contained those junky little plastic toys or candy, I hate that kind of thing.


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## GruppieGirl (Feb 19, 2002)

I'm 28 and I remember goodie bags. My Mom and I used to take brown lunch bags and deccorate them the night before. It was a great art project!

In my own dd's goodie bags I put in things like fruit leather, playdough, crayons, stickers and little notebooks. Her last party had an art theme, so we planned the bags accordingly.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Oh wow, I'm in the minority here. We did goody bags a couple of times for dd's b-day parties, but not the last two times. It bugs the hell out of me, and really seems to add to the growing atmosphere of consumerism in the US. I didn't make goody bags for ds's 3ed birthday party and yes, a couple of little cousins asked their mom where their goody bags were when it was time to go home. To my sil's credit, she simply explained, "There aren't any goody bags this time, Honey. You don't always get something when you go to a party." She's the *queen* of themed kiddie parties. Every kid gets a goody bag at her parties, even the babies. It's a little absured. Honestly, I do not want my child getting yet another handful of candy and little cheap trinkets.

I'm really surprised at the number of respondents here who will do something they don't approve of simply to fit in or avoid repercussions. In dd's class the kids' moms all brought cupcakes to class for their b-days. Some even brought goody bags for all their class mates. I did not do either for dd. (She's 8 y.o., in 2nd grade.) She did ask me about it and I explained we just weren't going to do that, it isn't necessary. In all honesty, I'd planned for us to make cookies together for her to share with her classmates, but ran out of time. And I wasn't going to run out and buy icky grocery store cupcakes to make up for it. (I shouldn't say they're icky. I love them. They're just so decadent and full of chemicals!) It's not like saying I'll bring potato salad to the pot luck and running out to the deli for some because I didn't have time to make some.

I'm 34 y.o. and never saw goody bags. Though I didn't go to a lot of kids' birthday parties! I had one (1) birthday party all to myself when I was a kid. It even had baloons! The rest I shared with my mom and sister (birthdays within 3 weeks of each other). We still do that, actually, and I love it! But I never ever had a birthday party with friends over, just family. Now, don't get me wrong. I really wanted to do that, maybe just once. But Mom worked full time and is not sentimental at all. She didn't believe in having 2 birthday parties for each kid; one for the family, one for the kids.

I'm doing what Hollybear'smom mentioned, talking to my dd about expectations and manners and party etiquette. I want to celebrate the anniversary of my child's birth in a way that makes her feel special and loved, and indulged for one day. But when she goes to someone else's party I don't think she should expect goodies, that will inevitably be forgotten in a few days.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Dang! I sound like such a grouch!







Sorry!

I like the craft ideas, though. Do a craft, take it home.

Just one more thing to mention. We had a neighbor who's son is a year older than dd and she'd never had a birthday party for him. They always went out to dinner for his birthday. He got to pick, so it was usually McDonalds! She's a busy, full time working mom, too, so it totally makes sense. I'm a little jealous. I'd do that if I had the guts. I'd never hear the end of it from dh's family. And here I am scolding some of you for caving to peer pressure!


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## GruppieGirl (Feb 19, 2002)

Journeymom-I used to teach second grade. Yes, some parents would bring in store bought cupcakes or Munchkins for birthdays. Others would bake with their kids, bring in a fruit salad or send in some art supplies. The one child who didn't get anything sent in for their birthday usually ended up in tears.

Please make talk to your daughter about why you are chosing not to send anything into school for her birthday. Chance are she will understand and be fine with it.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

We homeschool so this in noit really an issue for us but here they insist on only store bought cupcakes. No homemade allowed. How lame is that. I would make a million cupcakes but I certainly wouldn't buy enough for tha class. that is insane.


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

I don't get it, why is buying potato salad for the potluck if you don't have time for homemade different from buying cupcakes if you don't have time? I know you didn't mean it that way, but it almost sounds like your dd celebrating her birthday with her schoolmates and friends is not as important as the potluck. They don't allow homemade stuff at school here either. Don't even get me started. I think that so majorly bites the big one! Steam just come out my ears when I think about it. That is one of the things that symbolizes mothering for me! I had the local grocery store make her some schoolbus cookies and we did a science experiment with her class. Magic Schoolbus theme again. Can you tell what dd1 is into?









I guess they think I am going to put arsenic in my homemade cupcakes







:


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## mshollyk (Sep 24, 2002)

i like the craft ideas, and i really like the thank you note idea--anything that instills an attitude of gratefulness is good by me!!

one thing that i've noticed about the parties my son goes to is that the presents are opened after everyone goes home. this eliminates the, "i want one too!" phenomenon, as well as the oneupsmanship that seems to go on.


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## Lady of Z Lake (Oct 1, 2002)

I'm not a goody bag fan... I *hate* cheap toys. And I have a distinct aversion to all the cheap, disgusting candies often chosen for these bags (think bright red edible ruby ring). For my dd's first birthday (which was mostly an adult party) I had a lemon theme (I love themes, but go light on implementation.) and did give out little treat bags with lemon cookies. No goody bags for her 2nd b-day. And for her 3rd birthday I had a dinosaur theme. The kids dug dinosaurs up in the sandbox and I let them keep them. They put them in paper bags they had decorated. That was their "goody bag."

I definitely don't do it because others are. I do it if it seems to fit the mood/theme/reason. Don't know if that makes sense.


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## alexa07 (Mar 27, 2003)

I love giving out goodie bags.

I am a real "theme queen" and I try to give goodie bags that have one nice thing (not junky)

People prob. think I spend a fortune but I am just a great shopper.

For example, for recent art party (park district teacher did drawing lesson with the kids) I sent home every kid with an art kit (crayons, paint and colored pencils all in one case.) These were reduced at my Target to 1.49 each after X-Mas (they had snowflakes on the cover.) I bought them for a party in April!

Other favorites of mine.
Party: Chocolate Factory (kids made chocolate at local chocolate maker) Each kid got copy (paperback bought with special at store so that each copy was 1.25) of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"

Party: Hip Hop Dance Party (kids got CD we burned of all of DD's favorites. Cost of CD 59 cents

Party: Gym Party (DD's gym teacher ran games): Water bottles with kids name on it (I wrote them with paint pens and bought from Oriental Trading.) I noticed many kids brought these to soccer practice later.

Also, I don't mind getting candy in goody bags. When DD's get home from a party they immediately empty bag into our treat jar. My girls are allowed one small treat every night and goody bag candy usually is just the right size for a very small treat.


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## MamaOui (Aug 9, 2002)

Quote:

It bugs the hell out of me, and really seems to add to the growing atmosphere of consumerism in the US.
We give out goody bags, but we ask that noone brings a gift for our dss. Some people insist on bringing a gift, so we request books. I don't think consumerism is running rampant in my house because I give some kids some play-doh, bubbles, or a notepad to have fun with.


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## darlindeliasmom (Nov 19, 2001)

You know, I'm intersted in 2 themes of this discusion: 1) the wanting to fit in theme and 2) the greed/consumerism theme. Some thoughts

I would hope that ideally NO ONE would do anything just because everyone else is doing it. Heck, if mama starts that stuff, what ammo do you have against your child's notions of doing what "everyone" else is doing in middle school/high school? Like smoking or shoplifting, which were the 2 "cool" activitiesI remember from my childhood. OK, maybe that's a little too far, but I want my dd to have her own sense of self.
That said, I think it all goes back to knowing your kid. DD IS her own person, and she loves to do things HER way...she has seen how big themed parties designed by Disney, etc. lead to certain expectations...and she has also been burned by the competition for the most expensive goodies. She was much happier coming up with a snowflake craft to do with her friends and with coming up with the games on her own, and trying to teach her friends the rules than most kids would be.
On the other hand, if you have a child who likes predictable things, then you might find yourself "going along with the crowd" not so much to do THAT as to honor who your child is...does that make sense?

The greed issue is actually partly WHY I do goodie bags...to help DD take some of the focus off herself...we have a budget for the stuff, and we discuss what would be good given her theme. She was so distressed that another friend was going to have "boy" bags and "girl" bags, because she felt that it would discriminate against one girl in her class who is a decided tomboy. "But Mom, Haley's gonna get hair stuff and Barbie stickers, and she's really rather a footballl!" So we go unisex, and keep it simple.
It's also why we limit the size of the parties. It's just too overwhelming the other way...but that's a question for another day.

ok, I'm done rambling. Interesting discussion, all.


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## Chelly2003 (Jan 5, 2003)

I know this is a little OT - but a few weeks ago we took my son to a birthday party. It was very well organized and must have cost a fortune.
Anyway, when the pinata's were done and all the stuff was on the floor, the kids went in with their bags....... and so did ONE MOTHER...... my jaw hit the floor as this mother scrambled around on her hands and knees scooping candy and toys into her daughters bag! Her daughter was doing just fine on her own, but mommy aparently thought she needed help to get the most into the bag before the other kids.

My son was sitting on the other side of the crowd, gently picking up one thing at a time, I was so proud. One of the "entertainers" helped my son out a little by putting some stuff in his bag, I was so amazed at how "greedy" these people were - some of the older kids could hardly fit anymore in their bags, they were BULGING from the strain, and the parents were sitting there "oh good job honey"

uke

Chelly


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

I don't usually do the theme parties anymore
HOWEVER dd turned ten yesterday and next week is her very last birthday party
we stop at ten. After that the money that would have went for a party they can choose to eat/shop or go eat.
We let them choose something for that last one and she got the Harry Potter ultimate from birthdayexpress.
I asked a friend of mine "WHEN did goody bags become the standard and the norm? what happened to it being the birthday kiddos big day ? Why are they expected to give presents too or when they have requested no presents but the presence?"
her reply was good question I don't know !

I am 30ish we shall say and the several parties I went to as a kid there were never anything like goody bags...

This kit came with the boxes and there is a stuffed hedwig inthem at least...

Reading all of these replies has been great!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:

I don't get it, why is buying potato salad for the potluck if you don't have time for homemade different from buying cupcakes if you don't have time? I know you didn't mean it that way, but it almost sounds like your dd celebrating her birthday with her schoolmates and friends is not as important as the potluck.
Sophiamomma, I knew I wasn't getting that example out very well. The difference in my example is that I promised ahead of time to bring potato salad, meant to make home-made, ran out of time and so bought some. I knew nothing of this mini-birthday party obligation for each kid in class when dd started school. No one asked my opinion, and if they had I'd have voted against it! I'm so stubborn. And as far as I know it's still optional!

Maybe it wouldn't bug me so much if moms brough fruit salad, like someone here mentioned. But *that* would ostracize dd! Oh man, she's the kid with the weird mom who brought- _fruit salad??_ :LOL

You really aren't allowed to bring home made to school?? That's simply awful!


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## doulamoon (Mar 17, 2002)

what if there were only edibles in the bag, to avoid the 'unneeded junk' problem?
I don't do goody bags for that reason, but this just occurred to me...


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## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

Then you'd have to be aware of allergies and dietary restrictions (which I guess you already would if you're providing food for the party) and give those kids something different. I'm even pickier about food than junky toys since I'm vegan and almost all candy has gelatin or something in it.

I'm really enjoying seeing all the different viewpoints on this issue - who knew it would be so divisive?









Maybe it's just me, but I've known too many kids who have gotten a bad case of the gimme-gimmes. My boss, who felt very guilty about working, would take her dd home a treat every day. Sure enough, after a while, the dd would greet her at the door, little hand outstretched and demand her goody for the day. This same kid also threw a fit when we were at a (adult) crafting party and she didn't win any of the door prizes. The hostess ended up having a fake drawing to make sure that the girl got a small gift.

I just don't want my kid to end up like that. I want her to develop the love of giving for giving's sake, and to get enough of a kick when she gives someone something that they like that she won't even think about getting something herself. I understand that very small kids don't understand why only the birthday kid gets a present - but at what point do you draw the line and say no more goodies for the younger kids? I'd rather just not start the expectation and redirect her attention when she starts to whine.


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

Thanks for clarifying, Journeymom!









I forgot to say, we don't do cake at b-day parties because dd is allergic to dye. I sure hope noone ever thought it was rude, or because we thought we were morally superior or something!


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## Graceoc (Mar 26, 2002)

ds is turning 3 this year (along with all his playgroup buddies) and this has been the first year of birthday parties.....I am 27 and don't remember any type of goodie bags given at parties at all - and my initial thought is that I don't like the idea.......

BUT - we are planing ds's first 'friend' birthday party - there will be maybe 4-6 kids w/moms. I plan to have it at the park or our back yard. Ds is REALLY into dinosaurs so we are doing a dino/reptile theme. I am making a dino cake (fun for me!) and will have dino related games and a dino pinata (pull strings, bats and 3 yo's don't go together LOL!) I found the coolest sidewalk chalk dino eggs at the store the other day. I think I will buy enought for each kid and then do some driveway driving drawing and each kid keeps his egg (when it wears down there is a dino figure inside!) - and maybe some bubbles.....we will see.

I am also not accepting gifts - instead we are putting in the invitation that we will be accpeting donations for our Zoo's Adopt an Animale program. I found that for $35 you can adopt an animale - the child will recieve a picture and certificate, and for an extra $1 or so you can get additional copies. They have a list of animales - and on it was a crocadile (sp?) which is Ds favorite animael right now. So we will accept the donations - and then send each child the pic/certificate with a thank you card. I plan on doing this every year instead of gifts - and allowing DS to pick his charity once he gets a little older.


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## hydrangea (Jun 5, 2002)

I'm 34 and there were always goody bags at parties I went to as a child, and my mother always gave them (often she made them -- I remember she sewed satin heart pillows one year -- my b-day is on Valentine's Day). I always give them now.

My mother did birthday parties in a big way for me, and that's how I do them for my girls. It's partly because we are not religious so we don't do any holidays in a big way. Birthdays are IT.

This year we did a "magic pony" party (their birthdays are two days apart and for now they share a party). For each child, I sewed pony ears cut out of pink and purple wool felt to headbands and made pony tails out of wool yarn. For a craft, each child made a magic wand out of very nice materials. They wore their ears and tails and waved their wands at the party and then took them home as favors.

This is what I had planned, and it would have been more than enough, but my older daughter at the last minute _begged_ for a pinata, so I bought a pony one (I would have made it if I had had more time), and filled it with pony stickers and little pony figurines and pony tail holders. So they took those things home too.

Last year's party was a tea party theme, and children went home with tea bags and honey bears.

I do think a lot of this could have to do with the community one is in. I have always seen party bags, as a child in NYC, as an adult in NYC, and as an adult here in upstate NY. But when I was a child in NYC, everyone opened their presents in front of the other children. However, when my children were children in NYC, no-one opened presents during the party (at least in the groups we moved in). But now, up here, everyone does that and people would be offended if we didn't, so now we open presents during the party too.

I go with the flow with some things, not because I am worried about fitting in, but because if I don't care too much one way or another, I might as well do what people are comfortable with.


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## Funkeemonkey (Mar 29, 2003)

when did it become the norm?

At my ds's no. 5 party I had a little bag on a makeshift clothesline. The children put any prizes or food treats in them so they didn't get lost. When it was time to go home I shared out any left over things and put any spare prizes in the bags. No kids were greedy.


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

It's a marketing scam, like greeting cards.

That said, when my girlfriends and I get together, we make goody bags for each other.







The problem is not the goody bags, IMO, it's the social expectation and pressure to do it that's the problem.


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## Monica (Mar 7, 2002)

For Ds's 1st birthday (all adults and two little babies), we gave each family( total of 5) and each of the babies a board book. We tied it shut with ribbon and put a note from jacob about how important reading to children is and please be sure to share this book with a kid. For his second and third bday's it was family, his second was a huge extended family dinner at my grandmothers (besides him the youngest guest was 13) so I didn't do goodie bags, his third was just us and my parents, so again no goodie bags, his 4th bday will be just family and adult friends too. I am not sure what i am doing for dd's 1st bday yet, but will be similar to the book idea.


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## marchmom19 (Jan 21, 2002)

I know that is a tough one to pass.

myself am a Recreational Coordinator and I love an excuse to plan parties and organize events. However as my child's 3rd birthday rolled around, I was still debating how to have a party and still make sure people dont bring gifts. That is the part that I hate since one) my child doesnt need to get more toys and two) I couldnt stand to see the look on the child's faces who dont get toys, and only elicit fights for those that dont understand yet about gift giving. (in our circle of friends, the moms always buy a group gift...meaning everyone pitch in and one mom organizes to buy a gift for the birthday child. it is a nice idea then with everyone's monies from the pool they can buy a big gift that the mother of the child cant afford and they always ask the mother of the child what the child wishes). Still I always like to make homemade gifts so I mostly opt out of this group gift idea to make my homemade gifts since I am not a supporter of commercialism, materialism things. I prefer the kids to have homemade toys, crafts etc to expand their imagination.









anyway... so back to the point... I decided with big decision to not have a party for my dd this year. We had a wonderful special day together (landed mid week). In the morning we had our usual breakfast birthday table before dh went to work. Blew out candles and sang happy birthday. (we made the carrot muffins together the day before) THen we went for a bike ride (the baby and dd in bike trailer) and visited the animals at the local farms. Played 'boat' at the creek, throwing in leaves or stick on one side of bridge and running to other side to watch it reappear. Then went to the small lake and had a picnic. We talked about the start of spring and showed her how the trees are starting to buds. That soon we will see the tadpoles in the pond (couldnt find any yet) but did see the mother ducks sitting on a nest. We had a lovely day and I had no stress...just worn out from the long bike ride but was fun day. I was so proud of myself not to put on a party since it is my habit to find a reason to organize fun events with lots of games and activities.









I think we have to remember the main thing about birthdays we are celebrating our child's entrance into the world and we tend to get carried away by getting stressed out with the parties and now worried about whether or not to have goodies bag. I think we should focus on if the parties are significant or not.

Instead I think we will have other themed parties throughout the year that are not birthday parties. Then I can easily avoid not getting gifts, dont have to worry about gift bags etc. In the fall I put on a mini halloween party for my dd and her playmates (2-3 years old). We played some games, everyone brought some food for afternoon snack and everyone had fun. No goodies bag needed in recuperation for giving the 'host child' a gift.







This summer we might do a backyard pool party or stuff. I think this way as a family we can celebrate the birthday and the real meaning of celebration of birthday without getting carried away with all the 'ettiquette' one is supposedly supposed to do for birthday parties.







these 'unbirthday' parties are maily way to bring the other playmates together for fun themed time.









Just wanted to bring another perspective to mind.









Meanwhile enjoy celebrating with your children and live each day to the fullest.









stephanie


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

Have avoided giving b'day parties with anyone besides family, so it hasn't been an issue (yet).

DS#1's preschool has a policy with no goody bags when they have in-school parties, but one kid in the fall gave out these little teeny-tiny Lego cars. That was annoying, as a piece of said teeny-tiny Lego car ended up in baby's mouth that evening. Say good-bye to teeny-tiny Lego car.

There was one 4yo b'day party we went to last summer where the "goody" was a book. A very sweet book, too ("The Painting Gorilla," by Michael Rex) that I think they got at some discount for buying a whole lot, or some such ... and it's not a title that I've ever seen anywhere







: so it was nice to get. But then again, those were rich folks.

Another party we went to the broke mama went to one of those .99 cents stores and found all sorts of little toys (plastic slinky things, little puzzles) and each child got one. They were thrilled with them.

Those were the two that stand out. All the rest of the parties with all those goody-bags meld into a huge mental goo of excess.


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## SoHappy (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm 38 and we had goody bags growing up. As a mom I hate them because usually they're full of stuff we don't want and I feel bad that somebody bought the stuff and we throw it away. For ds's party, we bought several truck loads of "snow" (ground up ice) for the kids to play in. We buried organic fruit snacks and a few toys in it. Each child got a little sand scoop/shovel toy to dig with. They got to take home the scoop and whatever delights they uncovered while playing.

This year we're taking ds out of town for his birthday. I'm looking forward to NOT having a party!


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## SimplyaMama (Jan 4, 2002)

I do feel a little resentful when I plan a party & get to the 'goody-bag' part, but I've come to take it up as a challenge. Items that were hits (one item per party...I'm cheap!) were:

*watercolors wrapped with a bit of ribbon
*a bandanna for a petting zoo party...everyone got one & it kept our group together!
*a slinky
*a cloth puppet the children got to decorate with paints, beads & yarn etc., and DD got a little wooden puppet theater as a gift that all loved playing with!
*kazoos

That's all that I can remember at the moment. We alternate Birthday party 'styles' every year. One year, the child gets the classic suburban migrane inducer with pinata, etc. The next, the parents choose & plan a themed suprise 'outing' for just the family. We've done two outings so far...

*for DD, a day horseback riding & cookout at the Ponderosa Stables here in Phoenix...that was great fun!

*for DS, an overnight trip to Williams AZ, where we went on the Grand Canyon Railroad & had luch at the Canyon. We were entertained by Cowboy singers, and 'Train Robbers' held up the train on horseback. DS was 3, and STILL talks about it with wide eyes.

This way we let the children host parties every other year, but also have nice 'family' ones. DD & DS are both due for their 'adventure' birthdays this year...time to get planning!









Worst goody bag we ever got...a live fish!







: Poor thing was a feeder fish...came in a beta bowl, we moved it to a bigger bowl & then it died. DD was 2, and







...we bought another fish, couldn't stand the little bowl & bought a 10 gal. tank. THAT fish dies.







: Bought more fish, still have fish...LOTS of fishy, fishy, FISH! Thanks a LOT! :LOL Found out later that the 'extra' fish the hostess had in a punch bowl for a decoration (no punch, just fish & water!) died overnight from lack of oxygen.


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## granolamom (Sep 30, 2002)

Now I feel like an awful mom.......

Almost 19 years of parenting and we have never had a traditional kids party before..ever.... We have always done something small with our family and a few close friends. But we have never had a birtday party with "goody bags" and themes and games and the such.................

We do have a family tradition of Breakfast in Bed for the birthday boy/girl..... a picnic for lunch ( regardless of weather and we have two Feb.birthdays.. which sometimes have happened indoors) and an outing of their choice ( Ice skating, swimming, fishing, rock wall climbing, horseback riding)

We homeschool and my husband takes off work for each kids birthday................ We spend the day as a family and that evening we invite over our family and close friends and have dinner............. I have always asked for hand made gifts only....
something simple from the heart...........

Grandparents more than make up for any "flashy" Plastic gifts they may be missing elsewhere............( I have never gotten either set of grandparets to give homemade gifts, I have stopped trying)

Granolamom


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## [email protected] (Jan 5, 2002)

my sister (whi isn't real with the world anyways) does her bags really really cheap - but not in a nice way

she does sandwich paper bags with a bunch of pinata filler stuff.

i dont mind keeping it cheap but last year i had to take 3/4 of it out of the bag before my dd got it because it was candy not appropriate for my dd's age

if youre going to have candy/food at least have it be somehwat age appropriate (my 3 yr old doesn't get taffy pieces)

one of the ideas i read about was a 'necklace' of cereal on yarn or plastic gimp

keeping the cost down doesnt have to mean you give a cheap gift


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## momsgotmilk4two (Sep 24, 2002)

I don't think goodie bags are an obligation, but I do remember them from when I was a child, only they were called "loot bags".

Personally, I love doing them. I usually go overboard on them







I order things from Oriental trading company like "birthday bubbles" and these cool animal bubble wands. For ds's first b day we did this big themed party with "a day at the beach" theme and included sand toys, fishy crackers, a beach ball, and a book in the goodie bags and I put fish stickers on them. I had fun with it. Some other things that I have put in goodie bags are animal crackers, juice boxes, stickers, hot wheels cars, and ritz bitz (not the healthiest I'll admit, but better than candy).

A friend of mine sent everyone home with veggie booty put in a little bag tied with a bow. That's pretty healthy. Another way to go is to just do a craft and have everyone take that home. My mom did that.

With the school thing, a friend of mine took pretzel sticks (the big kind) and dipped them in carob and brought those to her son's class in lieu of cake. The kids liked that and it was fairly healthy.

I don't think anyone *has* to do goody bags. I've been to plenty of parties that don't have them and no one thinks anything of it. Most of the parties that ds's friends have give goody bags without candy in it because the moms are all pretty much in agreement about not wanting sugared up kids.


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## momsgotmilk4two (Sep 24, 2002)

Oh, and hands down WORST thing my kids have ever gotton in a goody bag are those stupid death balls. You know, the little rubber bouncy balls that are the perfect size for getting caught in a baby's throat and cutting off all oxygen?







Ever since my friend's friends' baby died from choking on one of those, I search all goody bags for them and throw them out in the outside garbage before handing them over to my kids.


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## Touch of Sunshine (Mar 24, 2003)

LOL... fun thread.

I'm turning 30 soon and never received loot bags as a child.

that said, I sometimes do, sometimes don't.

This year, dd6 bday, I gave out live fish(yes, i did), and they were feeder fish, I have a 20 gallon tank full of them. They are colorufl, lively and easy to replace. I supplied bowl, food, rocks and water treatment. The bowls were a garage sale find. So far, 2 months later, every one is still enjoying their fish.

DD4 birthday, we gave out sand pails and shovel. That was well received as well.

Ds8 last year, got his party cancelled. (long story). So this year, I'm doing it at the park, the boys can kick the ball around, we'll do a bbq thing, and then cupcakes(homemade), not favors, if we do, it'll be funky school supplies. I think this will be the last kids party we'll do for him.


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## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by momsgotmilk4two_
*Oh, and hands down WORST thing my kids have ever gotton in a goody bag are those stupid death balls. You know, the little rubber bouncy balls that are the perfect size for getting caught in a baby's throat and cutting off all oxygen?







Ever since my friend's friends' baby died from choking on one of those, I search all goody bags for them and throw them out in the outside garbage before handing them over to my kids.*
OMG! I know... of course the kids would LOVE to play with them, but even a 3 yr old could put it in his mouth and die!

That's why I don't buy them.









just this morning, my son found a broken earing with a small pearl. He shoved it into his ear cannal







because he wanted to wear an earring. Thank God I was able to take it out (easily with a hair pin) and not have to go to the ER.


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## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by granolamom_
*Now I feel like an awful mom.......

We do have a family tradition of Breakfast in Bed for the birthday boy/girl..... a picnic for lunch ( regardless of weather and we have two Feb.birthdays.. which sometimes have happened indoors) and an outing of their choice ( Ice skating, swimming, fishing, rock wall climbing, horseback riding)

We homeschool and my husband takes off work for each kids birthday................ We spend the day as a family and that evening we invite over our family and close friends and have dinner............. I have always asked for hand made gifts only....
something simple from the heart...........*
Granolamom,







you are awesome. Your family traditions sound absolutely wonderful!!!


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## thejmeister (May 5, 2003)

I think that the best "goody bag" that we ever got was a pop-up book on dinosaurs when my son's playmate turned two. The whole party had a dinosaur theme, but nothing was really commercialized. The mom just wrapped each book up in dino-theme paper, so that all of the kids could unwrap something. They were definitely a hit!


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## summertime (Apr 10, 2003)

I'm 29 and we had goody bags growing up.

I like giving the kids stuff too, giving is fun! I gave crayons, a notepad, a blues' clues matching game and I found USA map puzzles at the $1 store, I thought they were great.

For school, I just bought cupcakes, that was enough of a treat for school.


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## domino (May 1, 2003)

We had our daughter's 3rd b-day party in March. We gave goodie bags, not because I feel pressure to but because I like to. I think it is fun to shop for cheap, fun, cool little toys. We request that our guests bring no presents, so I like for everyone to get a little something to play with. Plus, part of my daughter's gift is the party, so giving everyone a few little toys in a baggy is also a way to give my daughter a few things to play with.


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## mojomom (Mar 5, 2003)

My dd and ds went to a graduating pre-school party







: They had fun that is allt hat matters but the mom sent us home with two goody bags filled with candy. My children don't eat candy, it is more of a neccesaity then choice, anyway 2 bags ,I asked dh what I was to do with all this stuff. I think it is nice to pass out things for the kids who come but I would like to find better things. We are having a bug themed party for our kids at the end of the school year to reaqauint(sp?) them with their friends for the summer, we have alot of friends who home school. I have been on this site called The Oriental Trading Co. and they have all kinds of cute little crafty things you can buy in bunches. I am buying Butterfly nets for the kids and filling thme with a magnifying lense, 2 magnet crafts one is a butterfly the other a bee. Bubbles, bug stickers and maybe some pencils or fake bug things not sure. But the nets are only a few dollars a piece and all the rest are pretty cheap, the stickers and bubbles I am getting at the dollar store. we have two parties a year this one and when school gets ready to star, that one is going to be a carnival themed one. I know the goody bags are going to be the red and white popcorn boxes, I just have not figured what to fill them with yet.

I agree with some of the posters it is nice for your children to have something to pass out to their friends, my dd likes to help me pick the things and put them in the bags. For me I just wish they were not so candy filled.


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## girlzmommy00 (May 15, 2003)

We do give out goody bags but I try and do something different since I hate bringing home bags of junk that will just end up getting tossed out.
One year we gave out little snack cups with lids (the kind you can but like 10 of at Babies R Us real cheap), that I filled with cereal and personalized myself with the childrens' names. Very cheap and it's something they can use again and again.
Another year I did board books (I found them for 25 cents each in a discount store).
And this year at my 9 year olds party, the kids all did a ceramic project at the party so that was their favor.
I try and find things that won't just end up in the trash but don't cost an arm and a leg either. We have another party coming up in 2 months and I may just do personalized beach pails and shovels. I found those personalizing markers at the party store in different colors that won't wash off.


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## WendyLouWho (Apr 16, 2002)

I am really enjoying reading all the responses, good thread.

FWIW, I'm 34 and definitely remember getting goody bags when I was a kid.

We love making goody bags. However, ours never have any candy (we don't eat it) and always envolve the whole family making things.

The boys' last party was Chinese New Year themed. For the goody bags we made felt "fortune cookies" and the boys and I made up funny fortunes







We also included chop stix, a Chinese zodiac chart and a neat Chinese decoration thingy. All of it was packaged up in a Chinese food container which the boys decorated with rubber stampings and ribbon. It was awesome, if I do say so myself. But more importantly, we had a blast making them and giving them away. That's what matters. If you don't want to do it, don't. It's that simple. But for us, it's more than just buying a bunch of junk and stuffing it in a bag. We enjoy planning it out and making everything...it's a labor of love for those we care enough about to invite them to share in our boys' birthday joy.


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## Ame (Apr 15, 2002)

We don't do goody bags....instead we have some sort of crafty art project that they do and take home with them.

I've never had a child ask "where's my goody bag" and if they did I'd say " well, you got a lot of goodies - lots of fun with your friends, food?, cake, a trip to the park, and a widgit (craft) to play with it. "


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