# She left us at birth, she should be 6weeks old tomorrow...



## KinseysMom (Sep 7, 2008)

Kinsey should be 6weeks old tomorrow. I shouldn't be at home greiving, I should be holding her right now. I lost my daughter at birth. Everything was normal through pregnancy, up until she was delivered. She never took a breath, never had a heartrate. They are thinking it may have been a lung problem, a surfactant deficency... but we aren't sure.
Has anyone else had a problem like this? Im searching for answers, or someone that has had the same thing happen to them. I thought everything was fine, that I would be delivering a baby girl and bringing her home with me and my husband. That didn't happen and I am still heartbroken.


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## hollycat (Aug 13, 2008)

honey, there is nothing anyone can say that can make sense of something so senseless and awful. all i can tell you is that many more women than you know are in your tribe and they can all deeply identify with what youre going through right now.
all i can tell you is let yourself have all your feelings, have all the time you need, let yourself ask for everything you need. if it feels at all appropriate, ask for god or spirit or the divine to fill you and bring you what you need, in this time of need.
know you might be in shock. i was in shock for a long time without knowing it.
you are in my heart.


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## pjabslenz (Mar 25, 2004)




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## mama2toomany (Oct 17, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss,

Be gentle with yourself.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

KinseysMom - you are not alone. my daughter died at 40 weeks in utero. She never took a breathe and her heart never beat outside of me. There is no explanation for her death. I searched for answers but it turns out that there are no answers. You are still in shock from Kinsey's death. In time, it won't hurt quite as much but the pain and sadness will always remain. I think we just learn to incorporate it into our lives. I'm sorry that you have to go through this (((HUGS)))


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## KinseysMom (Sep 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *namaste_mom* 
KinseysMom - you are not alone. my daughter died at 40 weeks in utero. She never took a breathe and her heart never beat outside of me. There is no explanation for her death. I searched for answers but it turns out that there are no answers. You are still in shock from Kinsey's death. In time, it won't hurt quite as much but the pain and sadness will always remain. I think we just learn to incorporate it into our lives. I'm sorry that you have to go through this (((HUGS)))

The scariest thing with us is that up until delivery we thought all was okay. It was a total shock to us that she did not live.
I know that I will never get over this, and I don't want to. Kinsey will always be my firstborn, and if we are blessed with other children one day...they will know that they have a red-headed Big sister in Heaven looking over them.Have any of you tried again after your loss of a full term baby? How long did you wait?


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## MommyinMN (Oct 18, 2007)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter Kinsey.

I don't think there is a right answer on when to try again. I had a second trimester m/c and we are tring again a little less than 3 months later. My BFF had a stillbirth and 38 weeks and her second son was born 1 year to the week later. Take some time, figure out what feels right to you.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

same story as the both of you. Micah never breathed nor had a heartbeat outside of me. Most of the time no one ever knows. even if an autopsy is done. I'm sorry about that. Much of the time that is the hardest part, not knowing.

Micah was born the day before his due date, 10 pounds 10 ounces with strawberry hair.

Your loss is great. I wish I could be with you. I wish we both had our redheads with us where they are suppose to be.

huge huge huge way too empathetic hugs to you!


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## jaclyn7 (Jun 9, 2005)

I don't think there is a right answer on when to try again.


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## KinseysMom (Sep 7, 2008)

I did deliver Kinsey vaginally, and had to push a little over an hour. I did not miscarry...she was born normally, and was supposed to be okay. Its just that after she delivered, she couldn't breathe.
My husband and I are dedicated to trying again as soon as we can, its just the physical part that Im waiting on to be ready for conception. Kinsey is waiting on her sister or brother...and God willing she will see them soon. I only pray that they get to stay here with us. We want children so badly...I physically ache for a baby in my arms.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

KinseysMom - It is a shock and you probably still in shock from everything that had happened. I don't think I came out of it until well after 2 months. Norah died 9.5 months ago. We conceived 4 months after her death. THere were many factors to us trying again so soon. The main one being that I'm not so young anymore. It took 11 weeks for af to come back and we conceived on the second cycle after that first af. If you can bear it, on the Pregnancy after Loss thread (look at the top of the page here) there are questions about this exact thing, polls regarding baby after loss, etc...Several ladies are having to make the same decision you are.

My arms used to get heavy as if I had a baby in them...I could feel Norah in them for a very long time. It is very normal. (((HUGS)))


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Huge, huge hugs.







I'm so sorry about Kinsey.







It's one of the worst things that could ever happen to a mother. The absolute shock is horrible. My dd was stillborn at 40 weeks, but unlike you her heart had stopped a little less than 24 hours before she was born. I found out while she was still in-utero when someone tried to find the heartbeat. Just silence, the most horrible sound.

There were no issues with breathing for my dd, her heart just stopped for no reason. There are a lot of us here that have lost a child and really have no answers for why it happened. I hope you can find a reason. Not that it will make the loss easier, but to know would be nice.

Were you able to spend time with her after birth? Were you able to take pictures?


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## KinseysMom (Sep 7, 2008)

Thanks to all of you who have responded to me so far. I appreciate it so much. In answer to the question of time spent and pictures...My husband and I were able to spend all the time with her that we wanted. My parents and my cousin were there as well, and My Mom got to hold her. Thanks to my cousin being there we got the most amazing pictures...I treasure them more than my life right now. She was so beautiful and perfect, at least on the outside. It was her lungs that weren't perfect. She had red-hair, like her Mama...and looked just like me as a baby. I saw my husband in her as well.
I also started a blog about her. Its been very theraputic for me, and a great way to tell everyone about what has happened without having to say it more than once...unless I want to. More importantly to me its been a great resourse for prayers (which have helped the most) and a great support system.
I can give out the address to my blog if it is allowed here, although I'm not sure if its allowed. But if it could help just one other person....that would be a blessing to me, Kinsey and her Daddy.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KinseysMom* 

I can give out the address to my blog if it is allowed here, although I'm not sure if its allowed.

I see a lot of people with their blog address in their signature so I'm sure it is fine to share.







It's wonderful that you are communicating with everyone how you feel and receiving a lot of support.

I'm glad that you have pictures. My pictures of my dd are so important to me. I can look at them anytime I need to feel closer to her. You will always have that reminder of your dd.


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## Peacemamalove (Jun 7, 2006)

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## KinseysMom (Sep 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *apecaut* 
I see a lot of people with their blog address in their signature so I'm sure it is fine to share.







It's wonderful that you are communicating with everyone how you feel and receiving a lot of support.

I'm glad that you have pictures. My pictures of my dd are so important to me. I can look at them anytime I need to feel closer to her. You will always have that reminder of your dd.









I have to ask, I don't know the abreviations here...what is dd?


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KinseysMom* 
I have to ask, I don't know the abreviations here...what is dd?

It's dear daughter. I got so confused when I first started reading forums too, there were so many abbreviations.







Most of the d stuff is dear, like dear husband (dh), dear son (dh)....


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

KinseysMom, many hugs from another Mama who understands.
My son's heart stopped beating while I was in labor due to a cord
accident. It was wrapped around his legs so tightly it cut off his O2
and he was gone when they triaged me at the hospital.








I'm so very sorry for your loss.
About TTC: I had a normal vaginal delivery, and my doctor told me to
wait 3 cycles before trying to get pregnant again. I did - just - and
was pregnant with my Rainbow 2 1/2 months after I lost J.T.


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## MotherMama (Mar 31, 2008)

I have no advice, nothing helpful to say, nothing that can bring you any comfort. I just wanted to tell you that reading this my heart just breaks for you.


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