# Would you let DD use this word?



## mommyinIL1976 (Jan 20, 2008)

Okay...so yesterday DD and I were having normal girlchat on the way home from school. Long story short, in referring to her vulva, she used the term p**sy in a very non-chalant manner....didn't even skip a beat. I was so shocked I didn't say anything. She's 12 and I know she's not a little girl anymore and it's obvious she uses this word with her friends. I guess I feel good that she's comfortable in talking with me about her body, but it doesn't take the sting away from the word. Has this word become common-place and no longer "taboo"?

She's always used the term vagina/vulva before and I would like to believe if she was speaking with another adult she would still use the medical terminology. I tried to talk with DH about it, but he refused to even hear it. He literally covered his ears and said, "I don't want to hear it! When you two talk about that stuff, I don't want to hear it!"

I didn't talk with DD about her use of the word. Should I? Is it too late to address it with her since the moment has passed???


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## Labyrinth (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyinIL1976* 
Has this word become common-place and no longer "taboo"?

Um, not in my world? HOWEVER I would take that word any day of the week over the alternatives.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I can only share my opinion. I would object to my daughter using that term, I think it's vulgar. I laughingly use it in a joking way with my husband or adult girlfriends. But I say 'vulva' in regular context.

It's your right to raise your daughter your way, learning your family norms. If you object to her using that term in regular conversation than you should just calmly tell her so. I don't think it's too late, either. It might be a little awkward, but you can pass it off casually.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I don't think that word is for public ears.

I'd talk to her calmly, too.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

ABSOLUTELY NOT! I work in a bar and will handle just about any word, but that word is NOT ok! Would you let her say c*ck? Thats the male version of that word. That word is nothing but 100% completely degrading and exploitative IMO. Its not a word for a young girls vagina, its a word that a man uses in reference to sex, that word means sex. Period.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Honestly if she is comfortable using that word right now I would just go with the flow and appreciate that she is comfortable enough with you to use the language she would use with her friends. I would be very hesitant at 12 to risk putting up walls that might interfere with this particular communication. I am sure it is not meant in any sort of derogatory way. In fact a lot of adults I know use that word as a matter of speech as well.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyblackdot* 
that word means sex. Period.

Disagree


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I also disagree that that word equals sex.

Yes I would let my 12 year old refer to her own body parts in that way if she wished.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

When I was twelve I once used that word in a conversation with my father. I had heard other boys using it (to refer to girls) and had no idea that it was a vulgar term for vagina. (I was a very naive kid, what can I say). I had no concept of the how the word has been used to demean women and insult men by implying that they're weak. My dad was shocked. He clued me in.

Everyone will have their opinions, but if this was my daughter or son I of course wouldn't chastise her for using the word but I would explain that I'd been thinking about that conversation the other day and wanted to revisit it. I'd explain that it's considered vulgar and most often used in a derrogatory way. That if she and her girlfriends use it among themselves, well ok (although frankly, the idea of that squicks me right out) but that she should be very careful about using it in any other setting.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
When I was twelve I once used that word in a conversation with my father. I had heard other boys using it (to refer to girls) and had no idea that it was a vulgar term for vagina. (I was a very naive kid, what can I say). I had no concept of the how the word has been used to demean women and insult men by implying that they're weak. My dad was shocked. He clued me in.

Everyone will have their opinions, but if this was my daughter or son I of course wouldn't chastise her for using the word but I would explain that I'd been thinking about that conversation the other day and wanted to revisit it. I'd explain that it's considered vulgar and most often used in a derrogatory way. That if she and her girlfriends use it among themselves, well ok (although frankly, the idea of that squicks me right out) but that she should be very careful about using it in any other setting.

I see your point about making sure she is aware how others could view this word.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I'm rethinking my stance.

Justine, IMO the word pussy is _nearly_ as objectionable as the 'N' word. I would strenuously object if my child used that word, would correct her and urge her to think twice about using it.

I don't think that calmly, firmly objecting risks putting up walls.

Nit picking: 'pussy' doesn't = 'sex' to me. But I've only ever heard the term used by crass, obnoxious guys and giggling juvenile boys, in a demeaning way, i.e., I'm going to get some pussy.







:


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
I've only ever heard the term used by crass, obnoxious guys and giggling juvenile boys, in a demeaning way, i.e., I'm going to get some pussy.







:

Same here. I've never heard anyone I respect use the term.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

huh....I guess you havnt seen much porn then? The only word that is used is pussy, nothing else. Its a word that men use to degrade eachother and a word that they use to fufill their erections. Its not a word that they use out of respect. It turns a part of a womans body into a purly sexual object imo. Just like the words tits.


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## Harmony08 (Feb 4, 2009)

Hey,

I don't belong here because I have one baby DS. I just wanted to say that I think it is super cool that your relationship with her allows her to be so open and comfortable. I wish I had had that with my mom. Things my mom said about that kind of thing put up walls and I still have never talked to her about sex or dating or anything like that. If it were me I would do anything I could to keep those lines of communication open. She could really need you someday. I think you should definitely have a conversation about how it made you feel and your view of the word. She may be embarrassed if you jump on her too sharply though. She may be just trying the word out and not have any idea what it means....like 3 year olds having "boyfriends". Once and Aunt of mine jumped all over me for saying "screwed up". I was mortified because I had no idea that screw meant what screw means.

Congrats on your open relationship with your daughter. It will come in handy as she grows through those awful insecure teen years. Ick. Okay, I'll get out of here now.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I have seen a lot more words than the p word being used in porn.

Ina May gaskin uses it in her books. I find it really off putting because I believe in using correct terminology, but lots of people use the p word in non sexual or putting down ways.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Same here. I've never heard anyone I respect use the term.


Well I have lots of people in fact - I agree that the proper term is preferable, but using a term that is comfortable is more important at this stage in the game.

Although I see nothing wrong with letting her know it makes you uncomfortable.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
I have seen a lot more words than the p word being used in porn.

Ina May gaskin uses it in her books. I find it really off putting because I believe in using correct terminology, but lots of people use the p word in non sexual or putting down ways.

I agree. I've head lots of people use it in various ways, including both very sexual and derogatory way (and the sexual uses aren't all derogatory, either - I know several woman who habitually use it to refer to their own parts...but also including simply descriptive.

I personally can't stand it. However, if I head dd say it, I'd simply make her aware that it does have negative connotations to some people, and it could affect the way people perceive her if they hear her say it.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

Nope. Vulgar.
I've never heard it used nicely.

Now... DSD uses the kind of language I'm not fond of, *sigh* but with her friends only. Not really with us, which I appreciate greatly.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Yes, I would. It's crass and crude, true. It gives her an alternative way of labelling and thinking of her own body, and allows her to start forming her own opinions on sexuality, but I'd keep talking along these lines and keep the lines of communication open. I'd try reading Inga Muscio's "cunt" together. I'd talk about the hypocrisy that it's considered perfectly acceptable for men to label their penises as "**cks" but any and every slang word for a woman's genitals has a second meaning as an insult for one man to use to another- the worst insult, according to a PP. That ain't right, and girls and women should not have to use clinical terminology just because the patriarchy has chosen to misappropriate. If she wants to do a spot of reclamation, all power to the girl: as long as she remembers that generally, you don't actually need to talk about your genitals to anyone other than your lover, your doctor and at 12, possibly your parents.

There was a fascinating and deeply, deeply disturbing documentary over here recently about the pornification of our teens : http://sexperienceuk.channel4.com/sex-education LMK if you want me to get a copy to you, but I'm planning on using it as a reference with my kids as they grow.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyblackdot* 
huh....I guess you havnt seen much porn then? The only word that is used is pussy, nothing else. Its a word that men use to degrade eachother and a word that they use to fufill their erections. Its not a word that they use out of respect. It turns a part of a womans body into a purly sexual object imo. Just like the words tits.

Huh, I guess you never really listend to porn then? Trust me, that's not the only word used.

Personally I'm with the "explain that some people consider it derogatory" category. No use doing something if it might cause her to feel upset about talking about her body.

I _would_ sit down with Dh and have a talk with him about his childish attitudes towards discussing body parts and the words that go along with it. IMO the "I'm not listing, I don't want to hear it" will eventually be picked up on my DD and she'll likely feel that talking about sex and her body with guys is not proper, which isn't something she should learn. She should learn that it's important to discuss those things with the guy she's dating so she can make her own desires and expectation clear to him.


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## amynbebes (Aug 28, 2008)

I'd gently explain to her that it's not the best word to use and that it can be offensive.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
I'd talk about the hypocrisy that it's considered perfectly acceptable for men to label their penises as "**cks" but any and every slang word for a woman's genitals has a second meaning as an insult for one man to use to another- the worst insult, according to a PP. That ain't right, and girls and women should not have to use clinical terminology just because the patriarchy has chosen to misappropriate. If she wants to do a spot of reclamation, all power to the girl: as long as she remembers that generally, you don't actually need to talk about your genitals to anyone other than your lover, your doctor and at 12, possibly your parents. .

Yes! thank you


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## Mandynee22 (Nov 20, 2006)

I think I would have had a heart attack LOL
I don't think the moment has passed. She's old enough to remember saying it and to connect the dots. I think that the *mention it as soon as it happens* rule is intended for much younger children. I would just tell her it's not a nice word to use and things like x,y, or z would be better.


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## MamaMandaJ (Mar 29, 2008)

No, I would definitely NOT allow my 12 year old to refer to herself with that word. It's incredibly demeaning. I've heard it used mostly by teenage boys and inappropriate men. "Gonna get some pussy." Vulgar.
I am actually a bit saddened that someone so young would use it so comfortably.


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## mommyinIL1976 (Jan 20, 2008)

Wow...thanks for all the replies. I think I've decided to speak with her and preface the talk with my appreciation that she is willing to speak openly with me about her body. I plan on telling her that I'm not comfortable with her using the word when she is speaking with me. I'm not going to tell her what word to use with other people...she's old enough that I trust her to make that judgement on her own.

MusicianDad....DH was not being childish IMHO....Guess you had to be there. I respect his wishes to not discuss his daughter's genitalia. DD has me for that and I don't think her father's unwillingness to discuss the issue will have any effect on her with her future partner. I NEVER discussed it with my father and I am very open with DH.

Once again, thank you all for the replies.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyinIL1976* 
Wow...thanks for all the replies. I think I've decided to speak with her and preface the talk with my appreciation that she is willing to speak openly with me about her body. I plan on telling her that I'm not comfortable with her using the word when she is speaking with me. I'm not going to tell her what word to use with other people...she's old enough that I trust her to make that judgement on her own.

MusicianDad....DH was not being childish IMHO....Guess you had to be there. I respect his wishes to not discuss his daughter's genitalia. DD has me for that and I don't think her father's unwillingness to discuss the issue will have any effect on her with her future partner. I NEVER discussed it with my father and I am very open with DH.

Once again, thank you all for the replies.









Sorry but if he feels that strongly about it, what is wrong with saying "I'm not comfortable with this conversation"? Why does he need to act like a 5 year old about it? And why is it so bad that he discuss the issue of your daughter using words your not comfortable with?


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
*Huh, I guess you never really listend to porn then? Trust me, that's not the only word used.*

Personally I'm with the "explain that some people consider it derogatory" category. No use doing something if it might cause her to feel upset about talking about her body.

Ok, what other word is used regularly in porn's in reference to the vagina?

I dont think that explaining that the word its self has negative and derogatory meaning, just like the N word, or f*g or any other word that a group of "dominant" people make into a negative insult and spread hate, or use to show power with would have anything to do with her view on her body in a negative light.

I think saying something like "Why have you chosen that word to use?" And give her a chance to answer, and if she is not aware of the meanings of it, explain it, and that it is used to degrade a woman, and make her vagina into an object that is separate from the woman it belongs to. And then maybe go over some text (like the pp mentioned about the feminist movement) and ideas and thoughts about the word its self and her feelings about her sexuality as a woman. If she wants to use it then, fine, but i dont think a bunch of 13 year old boys, or porno, or movies made by men, or rap, should delegate how my daughter will and does think about her vagina!


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Um really? I can think of about a dozen other words that are used. I'm not going to list them all as it is probably against the UA.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

I could think of nasty words that are used, but the most common word is the p word.


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## CAndMe (Feb 6, 2008)

OP, I just wanted to put my 2 cents in. When I read your post I immediately thought of a friend of mine (pastor's daughter who didn't normally curse) who used that word pretty much exclusively. I don't really think she realized it was vulgar and it may be possible that your daughter has heard her friends use it and didn't realize either.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

P**sy does not equal sex, it is also vagina, and wimp. Also clue your dd in the UK pussy means cat and not to giggle or let her mind go into the gutter.....ok only if she is a drunk adult at 2am looking for a cat (long story). I would think at your dd's age she might not get how vulgar the word may seem.

I would let my daughter know why I don't want her to use that word.


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## youngwife (Apr 5, 2009)

Because I would not want my daughter slinging such an ignorant word around (which would/could cause her to appear to be ignorant), I would share with her why it is not at all appropriate to use. It would be sad if she only said it because everyone else did, but didn't really understand what it meant.







:

FYI: I have a just-about-to-be 15yod and a just-about-to-be 12yod.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyblackdot* 
Ok, what other word is used regularly in porn's in reference to the vagina?

Off the top of my head comes a wort that starts with a C and rhyms with runt... And yeah there are others but giving this is a family board I doubt I should list them.


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## Minky (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Off the top of my head comes a wort that starts with a C and rhyms with runt... And yeah there are others but giving this is a family board I doubt I should list them.

That's what I thought, too. That's the one I would worry about my babies using. Pussy is mild compared to that.

As a child and teenager, I was expected to use the non-clinical term "middle" to describe my vagina. If she heard me saying anything different than the approved word, I was shamed. I wish my mother had let me use the words I felt comfortable using.

I wouldn't be against letting the girl know that "pussy" can have unpleasant connotations and that vagina/vulva are better clinical terms, but the teen girls I know have really reclaimed the word and don't see it as derogatory.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

As long as the words aren't racist, homophobic, or misogynistic, I don't intend to tell my kids what they can and can't say. My daughter is six and knows that pussy is a slang word for vagina/vulva . . . she doesn't use it yet, but she uses lots of other words most parents don't "let" their kids say. I never understand why parents try so hard to control their kids' word choices.


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## THANKFULFORFIVE (Jan 8, 2009)

We had a similiar incident here not long ago with the word "dildo"... DD2 thought it meant something like a "dork" and was using it freely until I explained the actual definition. She was absolutely horrified! Sometimes it is simply something they hear from their friends and pick up without knowing how offensive it can be to others... Of course, she may choose to still use the word with her peers, but I would at least share your opinions with her since you obviously have a healthy, comfortable relationship.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
P**sy does not equal sex, it is also vagina, and wimp. Also clue your dd in the UK pussy means cat and not to giggle or let her mind go into the gutter.....ok only if she is a drunk adult at 2am looking for a cat (long story). I would think at your dd's age she might not get how vulgar the word may seem.

I would let my daughter know why I don't want her to use that word.

Sadly, only Mrs Slocombe uses pussy in that sense any more. Pornification is everywhere. And where wimps are described as pussies, that's because an analogy to a woman's genitalia is apparently the worst insult that some pitiful freaks can come up with







: Personally, I would have thought it a compliment, but people are strange sometimes.


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## Frenchie2 (Sep 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *THANKFULFORFIVE* 
We had a similiar incident here not long ago with the word "dildo"... DD2 thought it meant something like a "dork" and was using it freely until I explained the actual definition. She was absolutely horrified! Sometimes it is simply something they hear from their friends and pick up without knowing how offensive it can be to others... Of course, she may choose to still use the word with her peers, but I would at least share your opinions with her since you obviously have a healthy, comfortable relationship.

I have a cousin who once told her mom that a little boy waiting for the bus was a pr**k - that's what the kids at school called him. She was about 12 and when her mom told her what the word meant she was mortified that she had used it. I imagine at that age there is a lot of learning about different meanings of words and trying to figure out what works for you. I would imagine just letting her know what it is and what others perceptions are of it would be enough.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Off the top of my head comes a wort that starts with a C and rhyms with runt... And yeah there are others but giving this is a family board I doubt I should list them.

Ok maybe its where i live, but i have never heard that word used in relation to someones genitalia, only as a derogatory name for another woman.

I have never heard that word in porn (maybe its the type i have seen isnt violent) but the word used over and over again is the p word.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Sadly, only Mrs Slocombe uses pussy in that sense any more. Pornification is everywhere. And where wimps are described as pussies, that's because an analogy to a woman's genitalia is apparently the worst insult that some pitiful freaks can come up with







: Personally, I would have thought it a compliment, but people are strange sometimes.

No, not in the UK..the dirty word would be fanny. Like in fanny pack.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I'd just make sure she knew the context of the word and that it possibly could offend some people. If I were 12 I would WANT to know that. Imagine she may be embarassed using it in the wrong time and place if she really just doesn't know!

But no, I wouldn't bar her from using it. As long as she isn't using it to insult someone, I don't see why it matters what she calls her body parts.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
No, not in the UK..the dirty word would be fanny. Like in fanny pack.

lol, yep! Reminds me of the Kevin Smith show in England where they're talking about euphamisms for sex and one girl calls it "a little fanny fun"-- he was confused and thought she meant anal since fanny means butt in the US.

Ok, that was off topic, sorry!


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaMandaJ* 
No, I would definitely NOT allow my 12 year old to refer to herself with that word. It's incredibly demeaning. I've heard it used mostly by teenage boys and inappropriate men. "Gonna get some pussy." Vulgar.
I am actually a bit saddened that someone so young would use it so comfortably.

ive always used the word. I also use "the C word". not in public venues or at work, Im not uneducated or ignorant. But *I* define my body, and my language... Im not going to let crass, rude and ignorant men banish a word from use because i do not feel that any word meaning vagina or vulva is crass or vulgar.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
I have seen a lot more words than the p word being used in porn.

Ina May gaskin uses it in her books. I find it really off putting because I believe in using correct terminology, but lots of people use the p word in non sexual or putting down ways.

I love that ina may used it.

It is not a word owned by men to degrade women.

I do not have a teen, I saw this in new posts.... but I think it is *great* that your daughter felt comfortable and liberated enough to discuss her body in the way she feels comfortable with you.

If you start regulating her vocabulary with you, what message will that send? that there are certain things not to be said or discussed with your mother? certain words that you can only say with friends?
that she is vulgar or dirty for using a word?

Why not ask her why she identifies with that word and let her share what experience she has with it?

maybe that word empowers her in some way we havent thought of?

before you censor her- Id ask more questions!


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## TwinsTwicePlusTwo (Dec 7, 2008)

Wow, I had no idea so many people still found the word pussy to be offensive! It's the word I use in reference to my vagina when I'm talking to other adults, and the word a lot of my friends use. When I started writing books with explicit sex scenes I was told that pussy and cock are now the accepted terms, and that the only word still considered offensive is c*nt (I've heard this from at least 50 different people in three different countries by now).

Maybe it's cultural, or something?


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Sadly, only Mrs Slocombe uses pussy in that sense any more. Pornification is everywhere. And where wimps are described as pussies, that's because an analogy to a woman's genitalia is apparently the worst insult that some pitiful freaks can come up with







: Personally, I would have thought it a compliment, but people are strange sometimes.

Mrs. Slocombe is the first thing I thought of too!


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

And to answer the OP, dd is almost 15 and has never used that word around me, but I would tell her what I thought (I hate it), and ask not to hear it again. And if her friends say anything offensive (calling everything retarded is a popular one), then I pull dd aside and give her the chance to stop it or I will. I do not need to listen to it, and she appreciates not having me speak to her friends on it.


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## Serendipity (Nov 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallulahma* 
ive always used the word. I also use "the C word". not in public venues or at work, Im not uneducated or ignorant. But *I* define my body, and my language... Im not going to let crass, rude and ignorant men banish a word from use because i do not feel that any word meaning vagina or vulva is crass or vulgar.

I love that ina may used it.

It is not a word owned by men to degrade women.

I do not have a teen, I saw this in new posts.... but I think it is *great* that your daughter felt comfortable and liberated enough to discuss her body in the way she feels comfortable with you.

If you start regulating her vocabulary with you, what message will that send? that there are certain things not to be said or discussed with your mother? certain words that you can only say with friends?
that she is vulgar or dirty for using a word?

Why not ask her why she identifies with that word and let her share what experience she has with it?

maybe that word empowers her in some way we havent thought of?

before you censor her- Id ask more questions!

I agree with tallulahma, I would talk about it with her and help her see it as empowering.

As an aside, I love the idea of teaching kids "There are no bad words, just bad times to use them" so that's what we do.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Harmony08* 
Hey,

I don't belong here because I have one baby DS. I just wanted to say that I think it is super cool that your relationship with her allows her to be so open and comfortable. I wish I had had that with my mom. Things my mom said about that kind of thing put up walls and I still have never talked to her about sex or dating or anything like that. If it were me I would do anything I could to keep those lines of communication open. She could really need you someday. I think you should definitely have a conversation about how it made you feel and your view of the word. She may be embarrassed if you jump on her too sharply though. She may be just trying the word out and not have any idea what it means....like 3 year olds having "boyfriends". Once and Aunt of mine jumped all over me for saying "screwed up". I was mortified because I had no idea that screw meant what screw means.

Congrats on your open relationship with your daughter. It will come in handy as she grows through those awful insecure teen years. Ick. Okay, I'll get out of here now.









:

I think you could casually, later, away from the official conversation, say Hey hon, just FYI I'm not comfortable with that word. I trust you to use it in company that doesn't find it inappropriate, but that's just my thing"

That way it's not you 'coming down on her' but more a statement of personal comfort and boundaries.


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## Labbemama (May 23, 2008)

LOL because the word came up at work in a report today and my boss was reading out loud.







And yeah it was in the objectified way "get some P$#@!
I'm so glad for my training in psychology that I've had to say these words until I no longer blush so that I could work with victims of sexual abuse. I am comfortable hearing the words and having ppl use whatever terms they call their private parts.

I guess what you call it in private is your business is what I would tell her. And I would tell my daughter that it was a degrading term, that it objectifies people to the equivalent of their sex organs.

I would understand though that kids use the vernacular, common words in their peer group. I'd probably just say I overheard her say it and wanted to make sure she knew the history of the word as an insult.

I'm puzzled though, porn has WORDS? I never knew.


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## willthiswork (Mar 29, 2007)

Dork is another word for penis so why would that be better than dildo?

I live in Ireland and pussy means vulva here too.


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## flowers (Apr 8, 2004)

I don't have teenagers, but did have some thoughts.

I would definitely bring it up again to clarify that it's usage can denote negativity, but I would tell her it can be a powerful thing to choose words.

Definitely have her read Cunt. It is the best book and talks about the power of owning language instead of letting it own you.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Dork is another word for penis??? OMG....check out my senior title....I'm ROTFLMAO.....


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyblackdot* 
Would you let her say c*ck? Thats the male version of that word.

ditto that. I wouldn't allow any such words in my home.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
Dork is another word for penis??? OMG....check out my senior title....I'm ROTFLMAO.....

Yeah.

And despite what some may say, there _are_ insults derived from slang terms used for male anatomy.

p.s. I don't consider dork one of them though.


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## angelamariebee (Jun 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallulahma* 
ive always used the word. I also use "the C word". not in public venues or at work, Im not uneducated or ignorant. But *I* define my body, and my language... Im not going to let crass, rude and ignorant men banish a word from use because i do not feel that any word meaning vagina or vulva is crass or vulgar.

I love that ina may used it.

It is not a word owned by men to degrade women.

I do not have a teen, I saw this in new posts.... but I think it is *great* that your daughter felt comfortable and liberated enough to discuss her body in the way she feels comfortable with you.

If you start regulating her vocabulary with you, what message will that send? that there are certain things not to be said or discussed with your mother? certain words that you can only say with friends?
that she is vulgar or dirty for using a word?

Why not ask her why she identifies with that word and let her share what experience she has with it?

maybe that word empowers her in some way we havent thought of?

before you censor her- Id ask more questions!

This is what I'm thinking.

I don't have a teen but it wasn't that long ago that I WAS one. I cannot imagine using that word at that age because even saying "vagina" was hard for me. And I definitely wouldn't have said it to my mother, I was NOT that comfortable speaking to her about things like that. I agree with having her read Cunt, it was a great book. And FTR, I prefer that word over "pussy" any day.

I wouldn't have a problem with DD using words like that depending on the context and who she was saying them to. I would definitely explain that some people think it is inappropriate but I wouldn't censor her completely.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Labbemama* 
And I would tell my daughter that it was a degrading term, that it objectifies people to the equivalent of their sex organs.

Whatever one might think about the use of the word "pussy" to describe people, I fail to see how the above applies in this case. The OP's dd was using the term in reference to her sex organs, not in reference to a person. Using a term that refers to sex organs to refer to one's sex organs isn't inherently degrading, just because the term is also used in other ways. That just makes no sense to me. It's like saying there's something wrong with calling a dog a dog, because "dog" can be used as an insult when applied to people.


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## lorijds (Jun 6, 2002)

I don't think it is as simple as "It's a bad word because some people use is as an insult or in a derogatory manner." Look at the word "queer" Depending on the context, it might be negative, or simply descriptive. Most gay people I know use the work queer in a positive sense.

Many words can be used in a negative sense. "Girl" can be used in a negative sense--"You throw like a girl!" Does that mean we should switch to using the correct term of "female" instead?

I personally don't use the word pussy in general conversation. I use vagina and vulva. I might use it in intimate conversation, though.

And food for though--vagina comes from the word meaning "sheath" or "scabbard" as in, the man puts his sword in its sheath. It's not like this clinical term was invented to empower women--it was a term that *still* was defined by what a man wanted to do with it!!!

If my daughter used the word pussy with me, I'd have several thoughts:
a) I must be the coolest mom ever if my kid is just having a general conversation with me *and* wants to talk about her vulva *and* uses the word pussy
b) I better make sure she knows that in certain circles that would be considered inappropriate
c) I have a cool kid
d) We have a great relationship.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I think people should be able to talk about their bodies comfortably, using words with which they are comfortable. This includes teens and preteens. However, if I didn't think she already knew, I might gently let her know that some people see that word as vulgar, and she might want to think about her audience when speaking.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lorijds* 
If my daughter used the word pussy with me, I'd have several thoughts:
a) I must be the coolest mom ever if my kid is just having a general conversation with me *and* wants to talk about her vulva *and* uses the word pussy
b) I better make sure she knows that in certain circles that would be considered inappropriate
c) I have a cool kid
d) We have a great relationship.









:
All this.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lorijds* 
I don't think it is as simple as "It's a bad word because some people use is as an insult or in a derogatory manner." Look at the word "queer" Depending on the context, it might be negative, or simply descriptive. Most gay people I know use the work queer in a positive sense.

Many words can be used in a negative sense. "Girl" can be used in a negative sense--"You throw like a girl!" Does that mean we should switch to using the correct term of "female" instead?

I personally don't use the word pussy in general conversation. I use vagina and vulva. I might use it in intimate conversation, though.

And food for though--vagina comes from the word meaning "sheath" or "scabbard" as in, the man puts his sword in its sheath. It's not like this clinical term was invented to empower women--it was a term that *still* was defined by what a man wanted to do with it!!!

If my daughter used the word pussy with me, I'd have several thoughts:
a) I must be the coolest mom ever if my kid is just having a general conversation with me *and* wants to talk about her vulva *and* uses the word pussy
b) I better make sure she knows that in certain circles that would be considered inappropriate
c) I have a cool kid
d) We have a great relationship.

All of the above. Just want to note there are a few people who object to "female" because it contains "male" and feel it is yet another word that defines a woman by her connection to men (same with woman). Just food for thought...

... and another example to your point. We can't stop using every word that someone might find offensive or that can be associated with an insult.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lorijds* 
If my daughter used the word pussy with me, I'd have several thoughts:
a) I must be the coolest mom ever if my kid is just having a general conversation with me *and* wants to talk about her vulva *and* uses the word pussy

I know right!? this line just made my day!!


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

I find it to be extremely vulgar, much worse than "f&ck" in my opinion. I would be more ok with the "F" word than the "P" word.

I'm not a prude... I curse like a sailor and am 100% ok with porn but I really can not stand that word.


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## 2goingon2 (Feb 8, 2007)

Weeellll....it's not a word I'd be comfortable hearing coming out of my own almost-16-year-old-daughter's mouth. I'd let her know very gently that it's fine when she's with her friends but stick to vulva/vagina around Mom, thank you very much.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I would explain how I felt about it and then let her call her parts what she wants.


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

Jessy1019...I agree COMPLETELY ! I also don't understand why so many parents get upset about the language their kids use! Instead of worrying about the words themselves, why not teach them WHEN they are not appropriate? My boys swear like sailors and always have, yet they know when they should not use such words and when they are OK. To the OP: i think you WAAAY over reacted to the word "pussy!' Let her use the words that she feels comfortable with!


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
There was a fascinating and deeply, deeply disturbing documentary over here recently about the pornification of our teens : http://sexperienceuk.channel4.com/sex-education LMK if you want me to get a copy to you, but I'm planning on using it as a reference with my kids as they grow.

Check your library! My library has it and we are small as libraries go. Back to your regularly schedueled program


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## dawningmama (Jan 14, 2003)

I don't police language. I have conversations about words that are used that make me uncomfortable. My oldest is 11, though, and we haven't come to a word he uses that I explain my dislike for and he's continued to use---so I am unsure what I'll do when/if we reach that point.

I don't have a problem with the word pussy. I don't use it a lot, but it's not jarring to me. I have adult friends who use it in conversation and I might use it with them.

OP, I think it's fantastic that you have such a great realtionship with your dd. I would take a moment and pat myself on the back if I were you! Not many young women that age are comfortable enough with their mothers or their own bodies to have a conversation like this. I would probably bring it up again, in sort of cultural linguistics conversation. With my younger (in their early 20s) cousins, I know the word is used less sexually and more matter-of-factly in conversation. I think it's part of the evolution of the word, which I always find interesting.


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## cateerob (May 23, 2005)

really its just a word...as long as u explain that other people might not like to hear that word what does it really matter?

btw i live in the uk and we have two new pussy's...lol


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Nope. Not around me.
Use it around others, friends, or whatever, but not so I hear it.
I would just have a calm talk about the use of that word, why I don't appreciate it and don't want it around me, and say that she could use it with friends, but not with me.
Simple as that.

And yeah, I do have a grown daughter who I've had these conversations with a lot, and she uses proper words around me and other adults. She got the difference between her young friends, and other adults when she was that age. Didn't effect our amazing, open relationship at all.


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

So, I have a friend a couple of years younger (less than 5) than me who uses the term "cooch" to refer to her vulva. To me, that term is vulgar and a bit offensive, and she says that she often gets that reaction from people not much older than herself. However, it's what she and her friends all used. There was something about "coochy pants" too, which I guess are low cut pants?? Apparently I missed all of that being in HS a few years ahead of her. I think that how offensive words are depends a great deal on what you grew up with as well as context and audience.

I'm 28 years old and graduated HS in 1998. I personally find pussy to be a bit offensive, but not nearly as much so as many of the women on this thread. I would certainly not chose to use that word myself. I find cunt to be highly offensive. Then again, I find most slang terms for vulva and/or vagina a bit off putting at least. I didn't hear the word "yoni" until I was in my 20's and had been married for several years. Maybe I'd have taken that one up in HS if I'd heard it then. I generally used clinical terms with my peers, (not that we discussed our vulvas often) but we were all geeks and used clinical terms for many things. My mother taught me the term vagina as well as penis and so on from a very early age. I was comfortable using all of that with her, though we didn't often discuss sex. My DH and I, who dated throughout HS, made up our own words over the years - generally things most people wouldn't think were sexual at all. I'm quite comfortable discussing sex, my vulva, his penis, and so on with him, both in clinical and not so clinical terms.

I too think it's awesome that your DD felt comfortable refering to her vulva in general context with you.


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## reece19 (May 21, 2008)

Pussy is a pretty common word in my world. I would be happy enough that my dd was comfortable talking about anything sexual with me and not try to correct her word choice. I would, however, cringe a little (bc I'm not a huge fan of the word) and let her know that some people really hate the word, and if she were talking to her doctor or in mixed company (whatever type of company that may be for her) that she may want to think about what words she chooses. I imagine she would be taken more seriously by a doctor if she used a more specific and/or medical term, for example.


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