# Please help.. without insults... please.



## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

This is a daycare child I have asked about several times before.

I am not willing to terminate care over this.. so please don't suggest that. It's not a money issue either. They pay for only one of their kids, the other one is free. They can't afford anything more.

The almost two year old is deaf. She has cochlear implants. She hates them.

She SCREAMS. ALL. THE. TIME. I have been doing daycare since the early 80s, and this is not the normal toddler scream. It HAS to be louder than is healthy for others to have to hear constantly. I wish I had a decible thing to see just how loud it is.

The audiologist thinks it's a discipline problem. I think it's both discipline, AND the ears. Imagine listening to an ipod all day, and it's playing the most irritating music you have ever heard, but you have to keep listening to it. SO.. you'd probably be irritable.

But. Discipline is an issue too. She's (according to them) MUCH worse at home. So, they lock her in her bedroom. (tempting)

The deaf preschool sends her home early. (to me) because they genuinely think she's upset about preschool. But, she loves preschool... she just screams all the time.

She also will claw at anything she can get her hands on. A child, a picture, a painting hanging on the wall. She will take her arm and clear the entire table of art supplies.. then scream.

She is either VERY happy.. or VERY angry. There is no inbetween.

I NEED helpful ideas that I can work on over the summer. I have fewer kids this summer, and we are going to try to work on this together. (the kids and I)

All I really want right now is a way to stop the screaming. Mostly just the angry screaming. The happy screams, I will tackle later.. I don't really care about that.

But, not anything that's punishing... just something to help her deal with this without screaming. Her parents are using a squirt bottle of water. (can't do that here LOL) It's not working.

Please... ANY idea. No matter how weird you think it sounds. (except squirt bottles)

ETA.. She was NOTHING like this a year ago before her surgery. This has all been since September.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

A few suggestions...don't know if you've tried this or if they will even be feasible...

Could she be in pain?
Does she talk/communicate in any other way? Signs?
Is it an option to just take the implants out? If she has only been doing this since her surgery, and still hasn't adjusted, maybe it would be better to simply take them out for now? Try again in a few years?
How much can YOU (and her parents) communicate with her? Does she understand stuff? At what age level?
What have you tried so far?

I'm thinking, when my dd was almost two, if she got loud, I'd say "Ow that hurts my ears, please talk softer" and model that voice for her. If she continued to scream, I'd ask her to do it in her room/garage/outside/ect. That could be her 'screaming place'. Would something like this work? It would take a TON of work on your part, and with having other kids there it may not be possible, but every. single. time. she screams, take her to her spot. It could be a comfy corner idea...pillow or beanbag, some soft toys or books, ect. This may help when she is frustrated with something...

Um, yeah, Who gave her parents the water squirter idea?!?! That is terribly demeaning to a child!


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I would insist she go back to the doctors. No child should be doing this the whole time they are awake.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
Could she be in pain?
Does she talk/communicate in any other way? Signs?
Is it an option to just take the implants out? If she has only been doing this since her surgery, and still hasn't adjusted, maybe it would be better to simply take them out for now? Try again in a few years?
How much can YOU (and her parents) communicate with her? Does she understand stuff? At what age level?
What have you tried so far?

Thanks.

She communicates very well. No signing, but she can let us know what she wants, and can understand most simple things. Like "Throw that in the trash" or "Get your blankie". But, not things like "that hurts my ears". But perhaps if we all cover our ears while we say that she would understand better.

They can't be taken out. But, the external "ears" can be taken or left off for a while. She is supposed to wear them as much as possible though. I don't think they cause her pain.. but, I think the noise bothers her... I even wonder if what WE think she's hearing isn't at all what she's hearing. SHe may be hearing something really annoying. Like feedback.. I have no idea.

She tested at 24 months age level when she was 18 months. So, she's ahead of the game a little.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
I would insist she go back to the doctors. No child should be doing this the whole time they are awake.

she has regular visits. Twice a month. The doctors think it's just a discipline problem. (or a habit)


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Wow. I'm not sure I could take that. Hats of to you for even being willing to try.

I guess my first question is -- are the parents at all open to a second medical opinion? It seems like the audiologist dismissing it as a "discipline issue" is a major cop-out. I would really want to get a seond opinion on that one.

Next, would it be possible to form a "team" approach with you, the parents and the preschool. I assume that you aren't an expert on deafness issues and that the preschool might have a better idea of what can be done given that it seems like an issue involving the implants.

Just brainstorming here because this is really outside of anything I've every had to deal with, but some thoughts that might trigger actually do-able ideas for you or others with more experience.

Are there things that trigger this? You said it was all the time, but if you watch closely, are there triggers? I would think that finding a way to prevent this would be ideal, and maybe IDing the trigger would make that possible. Or at least would let you know when you needed to be "ready" to deal with the issue.

Can you make the overall noise level in your home quieter? Lots of soft surfaces, no TV/music, lots of emphasis for everyone on quiet voices? Two advantages here -- maybe she is reacting to overall volume in her environment and maybe if the rest of the world were quieter it would be easier to deal with her noise. And, of course, its always nice to be able to address everyone for quiet rather than always singling out this child.

Maybe she just needs to make noise? Maybe singing or music-making or some other type of "controlled" noise time would be helpful in reducing the random screaming?

My child has learned a song about inside and outside voices at K this year -- I think they sing it frequently as a way to "practice" each type of voice. Can you start something similar -- where you have her scream on cue and then practice talking as well?

If you must react rather than eliminate it proactively, I would think the only idea would be to remove her from the group for everyone's sake. Given that you can't split yourself in two, do you have an assistant would can take her into another room when she starts to scream? A nice sound-proofed one? If you don't have an assistant, would the parents be able to supply an aid? Oh wait, you said there were financial constraints, right? OK, are they eligible for any time of home health care or something that could provide someone to work more intently with her?

For that matter, can they get some other type of therapy for her through some sort of program?

If its anger related, could you teach her to (silently) punch a pillow instead?

Like I said, I'm not sure if any of these will help and it seems a real problem that the medical side of this group isn't stepping up to the plate to help.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I would do several things:

1. INSIST that the parents take her back to the audiologist to test the implant with the amplification. Is the audiologist part of the 2x monthly visits? I would also INSIST that she have an eval by a developmental pediatrician. It's possible that there's more going on here. Calling it a 'behavior' problem doesn't really address why she's doing it. Is early intervention involved? Can they suggest something?

2. Is she working with a speech language pathologist? If not she should be. If so, what does the SLP say? It sounds like she needs another way to communicate, and I'd strongly consider sign.

3. Incorporate an intense sensory diet over the summer. The books "Sensational Kids" and "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" would be where I start. She most likely has vestibular issues from the underlying issue, the surgery and the recovery.

4. Provide her with a small, enclosed space (like a small play tent) where she can go when things get overwhelming.

5. As someone else suggested, provide her with a 'screaming spot' (a padded room







?) and direct her there when she starts.


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## Kristin0105 (Mar 1, 2008)

I just have a second for a quick response but is it an issue that she does not have a better way to express her frustration, anger whatever and she needs help learning to express herself?

If the implant is really bothering her is there a way to have it adjusted down? So there is less background noise. Is it possible for you to get written permission to talk with her audiologist? Disconnect it during the day and see if it helps? Okay, that might not be acceptable but sure would be tempting.

Can you use the squirt bottle on the parents? I'm sorry but that's horrid. I can't beleive a parent would think that was a good idea and I would suggest to them that it will only contribute to the problem. Good luck. Poor child I really feel sorry for her.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Take off her CI's.

I have worked with deaf children and adults both with and without CI's and many of the adults and older children will tell you how much they HATE them. The "sound" they hear is not like the sound we hear. It takes years to figure out the right setting to make the noises bearable and sensical. Many people who had CI's as children do not wear them once they have choice in the matter.

Try giving her set time everyday where she doesn't have to wear them, to give her brain a break. See if it helps. If is does help, then the preschool, her slp, her audiologist etc need to know that she doesn't do as much screaming without her ci's.

also, i dunno the family's feeling about sign language (a lot of hearing parents of deaf children are told incredible lies about sign language from medical professionals) but she probably has no way to communicate with you in an easy way. She can't tell you, "my head hurts from this sound" or "i like screaming it makes me feel in control of the sound." etc

working with deaf children who did not have access to sign language in their homes I have seen some things that people consider major "behavioral" or "discipline" problems that are really the result of not having the language to communicate with people. knowing what you want or need and having no one who understands you.

i dunno if that helps at all.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
3. Incorporate an intense sensory diet over the summer. The books "Sensational Kids" and "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" would be where I start. She most likely has vestibular issues from the underlying issue, the surgery and the recovery.

.

I just ordered those two books off of Amazon. Thank you for the reccomendations. I'm looking forward to reading them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tbone_kneegrabber* 
Take off her CI's.

*I have worked with deaf children and adults both with and without CI's and many of the adults and older children will tell you how much they HATE them. The "sound" they hear is not like the sound we hear*. It takes years to figure out the right setting to make the noises bearable and sensical. Many people who had CI's as children do not wear them once they have choice in the matter.

Try giving her set time everyday where she doesn't have to wear them, to give her brain a break. See if it helps. If is does help, then the preschool, her slp, her audiologist etc need to know that she doesn't do as much screaming without her ci's.

also, i dunno the family's feeling about sign language (a lot of hearing parents of deaf children are told incredible lies about sign language from medical professionals) but she probably has no way to communicate with you in an easy way. She can't tell you, "my head hurts from this sound" or "i like screaming it makes me feel in control of the sound." etc

working with deaf children who did not have access to sign language in their homes I have seen some things that people consider major "behavioral" or "discipline" problems that are really the result of not having the language to communicate with people. knowing what you want or need and having no one who understands you.

i dunno if that helps at all.

Bless you! That's what I was hoping to hear. I just really think she hates them. SHe was the happiest baby until the surgery.

We started teaching her sign language, but the parents and the audiologists decided to have her use only spoken language. So, the only signs she remembers are "sit down and eat" (she LOVES to eat) and "no". The rest have been forgotten. Too bad too, because the kids and I all learned sign language.


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## raelize (Jun 17, 2006)

i thinkyou should also see about getting the CI turned off/taken out. that story just breaks my heart.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

I agree with LynnS6 (as usual







)

I like the idea of some vestibular/sensory regulation issues that might have come up as a result of messing around with her auditory system (or that she might just have regardless).

A doorway swing system might help her, something like ten minutes every hour as part of her routine (not contingent on screaming or not screaming). Also, it might help to have a sensory station set up (e.g. big tank of dried beans, water, or dry oats, playdoh, goop, etc) that you can direct her to when the screaming starts and see if she can refocus on the sensory activity.

It might be helpful to have a special "scream time" where that's what she does, with one-on-one support from you or another adult. Maybe have a tape recorder and she can make screams, then play them back... having fun with making loud screams and quiet screams and long screams and short screams. Anything that helps her gets some feedback on modulating the screaming as well as allowing a time for her to scream (maybe she needs to scream, for whatever unknown reason).

Her parents prefer verbal language over sign but you could still post pictures of daily activities, moods, wants, and needs in a location she can access easily, and use the pictures when talking to her (e.g. pointing to "mad" face when she seems mad) in hopes of giving her some other language tools.

In a school setting where you are unable to control the parents' behavior and the parents' values (e.g. diet modification, alternate language, complementary language, giving her a break from the CI's, etc.) you might consider resorting to positive behavioral techniques. I'm thinking that a DRO might be effective if you have the means of implementing it (Differential Reinforcement of Other behavior). A DRO is basically when you reinforce ANY behavior other than screaming. So, for example, if she screams 59 minutes out of 60, you would start by giving her one small tidbit of something she likes every 60 consecutive seconds she goes without screaming. Most of us are inherently opposed to edible reinforcers but if it comes down to having exhausted all other options, it might be better than continuing in a miserable situation (and using positive reinforcers are definitely preferable to punitive ones like spraying water). DROs are very intensive to start and require a lot of your constant attention, but they can be remarkably effective, and get easier as the time period without screaming increases. Some edibles could be: a piece of plain popcorn, a cheerio, a raisin, M&Ms, a mixture. Extend the length of the required time in which she is not screaming as she gets better at it. DROs are probably the best non-punitive behavioral tool for high-frequency behaviors. Their downside is that they don't teach the child what to do instead of the problematic behavior; they just seek to eliminate the behavior. But combined with a sensory program and opportunities to complement language skills, she might do very well.


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## NatureMommy (May 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
SHe was the happiest baby until the surgery.


So, the screaming started when she got the implants? I have a few questions: Were both ears implanted? How long has she had the implants? How long have the implants been turned on?

It has been many years since I worked with deaf children. When I left the field the procedure was to implant only one side at a time. Wait 2 - 4 months before even activating the implant and then build up the stimulation intensity over an entire year.

I wonder if she is over-whelmed and over-stimulated. How is her behavior with out the transmitter turned on?

I think a team meeting needs to be held involving all professional and para-professionals involved in this child's care: preschool, audiologist, speech pathologist, pediatrician, psychologist, parents and child care providers.


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## BMG580 (Jun 19, 2007)

I thought cochlear implants could be switched on and off? Have they even tried giving her a break or seeing if there is something audibly wrong with her implants? Surely there is a way to test that.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NatureMommy* 
So, the screaming started when she got the implants? I have a few questions: Were both ears implanted? How long has she had the implants? How long have the implants been turned on?

.


She had them both done at the same time. The surgery was in July, they weren't turned on until The end of August. The screaming started after they were turned on. She was still almost her old self before they were turned on, but had severe stranger anxiety for about six months. (understandably)

They turn them up a little every few months. I don't remember what level she is at right now. Ironically, right after they turn them up, the screaming stops for about a week, then goes back to screaming.

She came in late today without her ears on, and I didn't put them on.. I gave her some lunch, and she's pretty happy right now. (I'm not holding my breath or anything.) She also had a power nap in the car, so she may just be feeling pretty perky.


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## Laggie (Nov 2, 2005)

They LOCK HER IN HER ROOM? And squirt her with water...

Wow. I would scream too. Although, I wonder if the doctors are calling it a "discipline problem" because the child's parents don't seem to have any parenting skills? Maybe that's too harsh, but how is a deaf child supposed to learn to communicate when she is locked in her room or being squirted with water?

I'm sorry that I don't have anything constructive to say but your story is very disturbing. I hope things get better over the summer. You are obviously a very patient and loving mama and I'm glad this little one has you to help her.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

I've read your other posts, and I have to be hoenst, I just feel so badly for this little girl (not because of anything you're doing). I think you've gotten good advice, and I hope hope hope that the parents will agree with just trying turning off the amplifiers to see if it makes a difference in her behavior. Maybe you could present it in a "let's try it for a couple weeks" type of deal; things probably can't get a lot worse than they are right now (well, I mean, sure they COULD), but if they get a lot better in a few weeks with them off her, my God they HAVE to realize that it's a problem for her.

I hope you can find a way to work with the parents and doctors.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Is she getting early intervention services other than the doctors? Here the Infants and Toddlers program will do a full evalutation with different kinds of therapists for free and then set a child up for services if they need them. The therapists can even come see her at daycare if they need to.


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## Whistler (Jan 30, 2009)

Oh, this absolutely breaks my heart. The fact that they aren't teaching her ASL, that her implants seem to be bothering her.... all of it. I hope some things change soon for this little girl.


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

I applaud you for caring for this little girl. It seems you are on the right track, that the implants are bothering her. If they do not do something about it, then you need to do something about it. It sounds like you are the only person willing to help, so I suggest you require that you have access to the childs medical records as a condition of your care for the child, and that you then act as the childs advocate by seeing what is going on with the implants. I think she is in pain, and there is nothing you are going to be able to do from a GD standpoint until the underlying problem causing the disturbance is healed.


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## jocelyndale (Aug 28, 2006)

A friend of mine who has opted (as an adult) to get CI recommended talking to the folks on this list:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cicircle/

I think it's a parents' circle. Of course, she also points out that your charge's parents may be on that list, so be careful where you tread.

I have no experience whatsoever with hearing issues or CI, but I do get easily overwhelmed with certain types of noise/frequencies and the sensory set-up mentioned above is exactly the kind of thing I seek out when I'm in a situation where I can't escape that noise. It's better than clamping my hands over my ears and shrieking, though I'm tempted. You might try something like that, just in case this is a sensory input issue.


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## ahimsa_in_action (Mar 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rachel_eva* 
i thinkyou should also see about getting the CI turned off/taken out. that story just breaks my heart.

Doesn't it just make you want to go and do it yourself (if you could)?







Stories like these are almost unbearable for me. This little girl sounds like she's being tortured....oh, how it breaks my heart, too


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

Thank goodness this poor child has someone as kind and understanding as you in her life!

Would you ever consider reporting her parents for their abusive and neglectful "care"?


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i have no helpful suggestions to add here but agree how sad this situation is.

i am so glad that NC you are doing this. that you are willing to put yourself so much out there. this is something the parents 'should' be looking into but i am guessing they have bought into the doctor knows best theory. hopefully you can help guide the parents to finding something.

i hope something comes out of this and she finds some relief from this nightmare.

i wonder if 10 years or so from now people will look back and call this a 'barbaric' side-effect when they better understand this process.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Just coming back to clear up that I don't have a problem with the implants in and of themselves; my problem is that the poor girl is obviously having problems, and the acting out is for some reason (trauma from surgery, etc. etc.) and the fact that this is being called a discipline problem instead of the poor girl getting the intervention she needs just breaks my heart. I don't have much of an opinion one way or another about the implants...my heart just hurts for her because she's trying to tell her parents that there is a physical or emotional problem, and they're just not listening. nextcommercial, I'll be thinking of you and hoping you find a way to advocate for the girl. I think the recommendation of Early Intervention is a GREAT one. Maybe you could offer it up to 'all' the parents, since it's free and could be done at your house?


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessedwithboys* 
Would you ever consider reporting her parents for their abusive and neglectful "care"?

woah woah woah!!! lets not jump to conclusions. by reporting the poor child jumps straight from the pan into the fire. take the chance of taking NC away from the little girl.

look at the parents. they are low income. can barely make ends meet. they are doing what they think is in the best interest of the child. they do not have this thread for education. they are overwhelmed and doing the best they can at the moment.

if someone does report nothing will be done. except bad blood.

do you know how many special needs children are locked in their because the parents cant handle it anymore. sad but true. the parents need help. need resources. but there isnt much there to help them.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think you should document her triggers. Try to write down what seems to have set of the screaming for a week or two to look for patterns of things that you can prevent.


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## cyberfish (Aug 13, 2005)

Deaf and hard of hearing people do not hear things the same way as hearing people do. This is true regardless of whether or not they amplify their surroundings with hearing aids or cochlear implants.
This little girl was deaf for the first almost 2 years of her life. And suddenly there is all this NOISE. She is probably overwhelmed by it all. Have you ever walked into a crowded restaurant from a quiet outside? Now imagine that happening to you all the time. Imagine being 2 and not fully understanding what has happened to you after getting implants. She was signing before but people suddenly decided for her that she could only use spoken language. A language that is probably unclear for her and, if she couldn't hear before, brand new.
I am a very hard of hearing adult, deafened in my late teens. I've had lots of deaf friends and volunteered with deaf kids. Across the board people hate their cochlear implants. I have to work very hard to hear things in a noisy room with my hearing aids. I'm told the cochlear implants distort sounds and it just sounds like a lot of noise. Older deaf kids often do have discipline problems because their parents either let them do what they want or are harshly punitive because they can't communicate. This is why they get the cochlear implants in the first place -- they think it will be the magic communication bullet and are unpleasantly surprised when it's not. So I'm not surprised that everyone is just assuming it's a discipline issue, when it's probably not.
I think this little girl is scared, confused, and overwhelmed. I think the best you can do is make her feel safe, comforted, and reassured and it sounds like you're doing just that. Accept her for who she is.
A screaming place sounds like a good idea. "You need to scream? I do too. Let's scream together."


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Yup, a whole bunch of sound suddenly in my life, and then my parents start spraying me in the face... I'd scream too actually. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job.

I wonder a bit if the screaming helps because then that's all she can hear? Maybe some sustained sounds (like new age music that doesn't change registers too suddenly, or not-too-intense drumming) would help to even out the sounds around her? This helps with my sensitive-to-sound son... but it is just tossing something out there; I really have no experience with CIs or anything like that.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

Is there any way that you can work with her on ASL, so at least she can communicate at your place? Possibly provide the parents with the research/books on how ASL even benefits hearing children, reducing frustration and improving communication skills.


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## cyberfish (Aug 13, 2005)

I wanted to add, can you sign and talk to her at the same time? It's not really ASL and it might not go over well with her parents if they are dead set on a hearing only model of life, but the reality is this girl is not hearing. Maybe giving her some choices about how *she* wants to communicate may reduce the screaming if in fact the screaming is caused by her frustration.

Talking while you sign makes her see that there is more than one way to communicate and if she feels she can't wear her ears one day she is not "stuck." Maybe she will take comfort in seeing her old way of communicating, even though you say she's forgotten most of the signs.

An ability to communicate and function sans ears will be even more important later if she wants to go swimming, slide down a plastic slide, etc. -- places she can't wear the outer portion of the implant.

Sorry this is the best advice I have. I feel for you and this poor girl.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

They are actually wonderful parents. They are just frustrated and at a loss for what to do. I don't complain much to them because they are so afraid I will let them go that they overreact. They adore her. Everyone adores her. She's incredibly cute.

Their attempts to stop the screaming are dumb ideas.. but they will see that this isn't working, and stop, then try something else. Putting her in her room, may be better than making the whole house mad at her.

They made the choice for the Cochlear implants and I doubt they made that decision lightly. They researched it, they asked questions, and that is what they chose.

I don't understand why they have chosen not to use sign language, but they obviously researched that too. I agree that having both would be safer and less frustrating for her.

Oddly.. today went better than most days. Maybe it was because she slept a long time, or because I vented to you, or because I never did put her ears on at all today. (she got here before nap time) Whatever the reason, it was a really good day, and I got a huge kick out of her.


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## annanicole (Dec 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
They are actually wonderful parents. They are just frustrated and at a loss for what to do. I don't complain much to them because they are so afraid I will let them go that they overreact. They adore her. Everyone adores her. She's incredibly cute.

Their attempts to stop the screaming are dumb ideas.. but they will see that this isn't working, and stop, then try something else. Putting her in her room, may be better than making the whole house mad at her.

They made the choice for the Cochlear implants and I doubt they made that decision lightly. They researched it, they asked questions, and that is what they chose.

I don't understand why they have chosen not to use sign language, but they obviously researched that too. I agree that having both would be safer and less frustrating for her.

Oddly.. today went better than most days. Maybe it was because she slept a long time, or because I vented to you, or because I never did put her ears on at all today. (she got here before nap time) Whatever the reason, it was a really good day, and I got a huge kick out of her.


You're a good friend to these people! Keep up the researching. 3 of my cousins are deaf. The main philosophy, right wrong or indifferent, to not teaching deaf children sign language is; sign language is a very very simple language much simpler then our spoken language. Therefore, if you teach sign language, it will be MUCH more difficult to teach spoken launguage later. For hearing people this isn't a big deal, but for hearing impaired spoken language is such a difficult task to begin with, so the thinking is people will take the path of least resistance, and not fight to learn spoken language.

So if you agree with this philosophy I can understand not wanting to teach ASL.

good luck, it sounds like you needed to vent, and this little girl is frustrated to the max and sounds way overloaded.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
They are actually wonderful parents. They are just frustrated and at a loss for what to do. I don't complain much to them because they are so afraid I will let them go that they overreact. They adore her. Everyone adores her. She's incredibly cute.

<snip>

Oddly.. today went better than most days. Maybe it was because she slept a long time, or because I vented to you, or because I never did put her ears on at all today. (she got here before nap time) Whatever the reason, it was a really good day, and I got a huge kick out of her.

So if they're at a loss for what to do now, what would happen if you just didn't put the amplifiers on for a while, and if her behavior improves you could not that to them and kind of show them that while this was a well-researched decision that they made, that it's clearly NOT working for the little girl at this point.

It would also work in that if the behaviors *don't* improve, maybe it really is a discipline problem and you can go from there.

I'm just thinking, have a frank, caring talk with them. She's obviously unhappy and acting out. She's still so young, I can't see what harm taking 2-3 weeks of not using the amplifiers and seeing if her behavior improves is going to do in terms of her hearing/speech. If she's already not communicating much since moving to verbal after they stopped signing, you're not losing much by her not wearing the amplifiers, KWIM? If after a couple weeks her behavior improves, then they could try to figure out how to help her in other ways until *she's* more ready for the amplifiers....if her behavior doesn't improve with them off, then it becomes more of a discipline thing. Even if it's just that she hates the things on her ears, and it's not actually hurting her, I mean...she's what - not even 3 years old? Just over 2? She's so little.

I just don't see why they're not willing to do a trial of the amplifiers off - she's so young, I can't see how a few weeks would make that much of a difference at this point, when the gains (in her temperament and emotional health) could be huge.

I just really feel for her. Whether it's pain, or just discomfort, or even just annoyance with the amplifiers, she's been put through a lot that was not of her choosing at all. She has had no control over any of it, and that's likely scary and frustrating for her.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annanicole* 
You're a good friend to these people! Keep up the researching. 3 of my cousins are deaf. The main philosophy, right wrong or indifferent, to not teaching deaf children sign language is; sign language is a very very simple language much simpler then our spoken language. Therefore, if you teach sign language, it will be MUCH more difficult to teach spoken launguage later. For hearing people this isn't a big deal, but for hearing impaired spoken language is such a difficult task to begin with, so the thinking is people will take the path of least resistance, and not fight to learn spoken language.

So if you agree with this philosophy I can understand not wanting to teach ASL.

good luck, it sounds like you needed to vent, and this little girl is frustrated to the max and sounds way overloaded.


Sorry I couldn't let this comment go without saying something. ASL is not "simple" language. It is just as complex as any spoken language. It is easier for deaf people to use than spoken language, but not because it is "simple" but because it is a visual language.

I'm sorry to jump on you, but that statement was wrong and offensive.


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## b_light (Jan 10, 2006)

I was a nanny for a little boy who has cochlear implants. I went to every single appointment and both surgeries (his first implant failed







), and I took him by myself to about 90% of his speech therapist appointments. Both of his parents had to work a lot to afford all of his care (he also has severe CP).

Some things I've learned from that experience that may help you:

-In the beginning (and I'd still consider her being in the beginning, first year and all), the child has great difficulty in distinguishing between background noise and noises that we would normally isolate. All at the same time, one can hear the air conditioner, the neighbor's dog barking, cars on the street, the toilet swishing, the fish tank, footsteps, moving chairs in and out, plus all those things we actually WANT to hear--like people talking to us. It's difficult in the beginning to isolate out just what other people want you to hear. Some homes/schools limit as much background noise as possible, cut a tennis ball and put on the bottom of chairs (to make that sound much softer), etc.

-Are there different settings on her implant? I'm actually surprised she doesn't knock it off all the time. The boy I babysat had barely any motor skills and he'd always find a way... (by the way, he likes it now--after 4 years of having it). Anyway, I thought of this especially since you said she's often better right after an adjustment. The boy I babysat would often get his on a different setting that would irritate him more. So, making sure the number on the implant says what it's supposed to may help. Or....like the boy I babysat, they may be setting it up to progressively change over a few weeks. He'd have, say, 3 settings and the first would be similar to what he already had, then the next one would be tweaked a little, and the third even more. And each setting was meant to be worn for a week or so.

-I know several have mentioned a second opinion, or an insistence to look further. I agree, but respect that you have very little control over that. But implants CAN have problems.

I hope things start to look better soon!


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *b_light* 
. It's difficult in the beginning to isolate out just what other people want you to hear. Some homes/schools limit as much background noise as possible, cut a tennis ball and put on the bottom of chairs (to make that sound much softer), etc.


Sadly.. I think that's what it boils down to. Our enviroment is just too loud. She's 90% of the noise, and if she'd quiet down, the others would too. Her sister is super loud also, and I know it's because you have to yell to be heard over the little one. Our house is loud. Their house is loud. Her deaf pre-school is loud. (they sent her home early again BTW)

I will have to find ways to muffle some of our noise. Maybe that will help. Plus having less than half of my group over the summer should make a difference.


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