# At what age do kids put themselves to sleep?



## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

I'm trying to get my youngest (13 months) to put herself to sleep. She'll lay down as long as I'm sitting next to the bed, but she doesn't seem to be able to relax enough to fall asleep. She flops around alot and just never relaxes. (If I leave she stands up and screams.) In the past, I've just rocked/nursed her to sleep, but she still wakes up alot. And, when she wakes up it seems the only problem is she can't put herself back to sleep. (She's not hungry, wet, etc.)

She is able to just lay down, but she can't seem to get herself to sleep. Am I expecting too much at this age? (My son slept through the night at 9 months and put himself to sleep at 18 months, but he seems to be much more easygoing.) Any ideas?


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## ps4624 (Apr 16, 2009)




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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I think some kids can do it that young, but it's very rare outside of children who have been sleep trained. One of my three kids went to sleep on her own practically from birth, and even she at around that age started wanting someone to stay with her.


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## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

wow. no idea but my son is almost 3 and nowhere near ready...I wish he was!!


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## laughymama (Oct 14, 2009)

Our 24 month old still needs someone with him (or both of us) 90% of the time. The other 10% are just total flukes where he exhausted himself and passed out in the living room floor while playing or something.

I have a feeling that most will say it depends on the child. Kind of like how some kids sleep "through the night" easily and others just don't. Everyone is different.


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## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

My ds starting being able to go to sleep on his own right around his 3rd birthday. As in, we have bath time, books, and I leave the room and he goes to sleep. But, it took another 4 or 5 months before he was sleeping through the night without me having to help him back to sleep. He would wake up once or twice a night and need mama to lay with him or sit with him or he couldn't go back to sleep.

I didn't really plan any of it, it just sort of happened. I bought a new bed, moved the old one into his room, and he got excited about it, and wanted to start sleeping in it (alone, as opposed to cosleeping). It just progressed from there.

Sorry I don't have any more advice, but I can tell you there was never a time in his first 3 years that he was able to go to sleep without either (a) nursing (b) mama laying with him or (c) being in the car.


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## mizzoh (Sep 9, 2008)

ds is 4 and we still have to lay down with him when he goes to sleep...


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## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

With my son, we rocked/nursed him until he was 90% asleep then put him down in the crib. He inevitably woke up instantly screaming mad and then we'd repeat the process. It took 5x's and a couple of hours, but the next night the first time we put him down, he looked up at me, closed his eyes and went to sleep. He never looked back. But, like I said he's a more complaisant personality. (I don't consider this sleep training at all because he was never left to cry. But, like sleep training it does encourage the child to just give up and go to sleep. However, my daughter may be the type to never surrender.)

I think this weekend we'll start trying to get her to go to sleep with just us sitting there. I'll let you know how it goes.

Anyone else get their child to go to sleep at a relatively early age? Or is the norm much older?


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

My older one was about 3 or 3-1/2.


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## To-Fu (May 23, 2007)

My 29mo is nowhere near ready. I think maybe you got lucky with your son.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

My kids could, at about that age. And no, they didn't CIO. But it did take lots of time and patience. It was definitely a process.


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

My son is 22 months and still needs a LOT of help to go to sleep. But he finally sleeps decent stretches now (since nightweaning between 18-19 months) so it isn't as big of a deal to us to help him get to sleep. We also just in the last month or so finally found a bedtime routine that REALLY helps him fall asleep easier--- read books in the living room, brush teeth & new diaper/pajamas, then we both cuddle with him in his bed for about 10 minutes. After that I leave and DH holds him on the bed until he goes to sleep. The last part can take anywhere from 10-30 minutes. He has always resisted sleep, needed a lot of help to get to sleep, and never slept long stretches. He now sleeps 5-8 hour stretches, and has even slept a 10 hour stretch a couple times!

I guess to answer your original question-- it depends on the child. It sounds like your DD is not ready to do this on her own. And, at 13 months she very well may be hungry when she wakes at night. There's still a lot going on at that age with teething (usually the big ones are coming in at that age-- molars and canines) and development (walking, talking). All of those things affect sleep.

Have you read The No Cry Sleep Solution? There are gentle tips to help her fall asleep alone, though it will take a lot of work. Another great book is Sleepless in America, which has great strategies to structure your day to help maximize sleep times.


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## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

No, I know she's not hungry, because I can send DH in there and he's gets her back down in about 15 minutes and then she might not wake til morning. And, if I go in there she latches on, but doesn't suckle, she just falls asleep.

She is getting her molars, but she seems to have this pattern whether she's teething or not.

I'll try the No Cry Sleep Solution. I've heard of it but never read it. And, Sleepless in America.


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## Louisep (May 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Xerxella* 
Am I expecting too much at this age? (My son slept through the night at 9 months and put himself to sleep at 18 months, but he seems to be much more easygoing.) Any ideas?

Honestly, I think you are. Every baby is different but I'm always surprised by babies who fall asleep with little to no parental help. Plus, what's the big deal if she needs your help to fall asleep? (And I don't mean that in a snotty way at all, just in a don't worry about it way).


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I think it depends on the child. My DD is 20 mo and can fall asleep in the car on her own, but that's about it. She's a nurse or rock to sleep kind of kid!

Lately (and I mean like, this past week) there were a few times where I could lay w/her on me and she drifted off, but that's unusual. I look at that as a sign things could be changing w/in the next few months. As in, she might just need someone to lay with her quietly to go to sleep on her own in the not to far off future.


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

My kids are 9 years old and 6 years old and we still have a bedtime routine that involves first dad snuggling and reading to them and then me snuggling and singing. Sometimes they'll fall asleep during the reading part if they're really really tired, but that's not the norm. I don't know many co-sleeping families who can just tell their kids to go to bed and they fall asleep. There needs to be some sort of routine. My kids sleep together in their own bed now, but they still like us to snuggle in there with them. One or both of them may come into our bed in the night also. I can't imagine either one of them putting themselves to sleep at 18mo old!! You must've gotten really lucky with your son.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Way too young for that expectation. In general the EARLY end of the scale is 2-3 years old. Many kids need to be parented to sleep until 5 or 6.

-Angela


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## jennybear (Sep 4, 2007)

I think it just depends on the kid.

DD (almost six months) has been put down awake and falls asleep on her own (without fussing or crying) since four months.

I, on the other hand, am almost 30 years old and have a terrible time falling asleep. I either need DH to rub my back or I take a sleep aid.

So, I guess I'd say anywhere from birth to never? Lol.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

My kids didn't until 3 1/2ish. Now at 4 and 8, they can. My 4 year old still sometimes requests that dh lay down with him (not me for some reason) and dh does, but most of the time he goes to sleep on his own.


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## BeanyMama (Jul 25, 2006)

Mine were about 3 or 4 years old before they were comfortable going down alone.


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## ammiga (Jan 22, 2009)

My dd is 2.5 and after her bedtime routine and tucking in, she can usually fall asleep by herself. She will call one of us back in there a few times to make sure we are really here if she needs us, but we don't need to rock her to sleep. I would still say she needs help to sleep, because it isn't like we just say "good night" and go. It's a process and takes a lot of love and comfort. And there are still plenty of nights that we are in her room until she is asleep.

We only started weaning her off of us being in there when we were stimulating her more than comforting her by being in there, regardless of how calm and quiet we were. That started about 2 months ago. Now, if she keeps us in there, she really does need us to relax to sleep, and we would never deprive her of that need.


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## KatWozBlue (Dec 21, 2009)

I think my son was 2 1/2 and took six months of laying with him until finally we would just kiss and leave the room and he would sleep, he was a bit of a struggle, but once he dropped his nap it went much easier

my daugther was around 18 months old, same thing, we would lay with her less and less and she actually became the easiest child to put to sleep

today my son is 6 and my daughter 3 and we literally read books, kiss goodnight and my daughter is sleeping by 7:15 and son is asleep by 8:00, both are up at 7


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

I think every child is different. My 3 1/2yo can put him self to sleep if he is tired enough but usually I still lay with him. I have to lay and nurse his sister (almost 2yo) to sleep anyways.

My oldest didn't start putting herself to sleep till closer to 4yo. Good luck thought.


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

MY 5.75 won't sleep by herself at all, period. The 2,5 yo won't either.


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## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

my 29 mo old still nurses to sleep 100% of the time. She has started resettling herself at night so she HAS started to fall BACK asleep without help, but to initially go to sleep she still needs me.


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## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

We have a nice routine. Bath, stories, prayers, etc. The key to DS falling asleep was the "we'll check on you" clause. We check on him a couple of times and then tell him we'll check on him after he falls asleep.

The reason I want my daughter to go to sleep on her own is that I think then when she wakes at night she would be able to go back to sleep on her own, too.

We actually had fabulous success at nap time yesterday. She fell asleep after about 20 minutes with just me sitting in the chair by her bed and slept 1 1/2 hours. I figure over time, I'll do the long good bye sort of routine. (When you move the chair farther and farther away from the bed until you're "just outside the door.")

P.S. She did wake up last night when her brother woke up to go potty. I nursed her back to sleep and fell asleep myself before I woke up and put her down. I guess I'll have to try to stay awake to get her to go down on her own!


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