# What's the most shocking thing you've ever seen another parent do?



## FrozenMommy (May 25, 2006)

First of all, this has NOTHING to do with the other new thread entitled "Why is it everyone feels the needs to criticize other moms?"







I'm not talking about "shocking" as in, Oh My God that baby's in a stroller instead of a sling! I'm talking about things that are so far out there that you wonder what planet those parents are on, but maybe it doesn't quite constitute abuse.

What got me started thinking about this (and this is my Most Shocking Thing!) was last year I was visiting some old high school friends of mine. They had some other friends over at their house as well, people that I'd never met before. While we were all standing around in the kitchen chatting, one of the moms came in with her baby's bottle (the baby was around 3 mo. old), and proceeded to FILL IT UP WITH COKE - yes, that's COCA-COLA - and give it to her baby! My dh and I were just staring at her, trying to believe if we had just seen what we thought we saw. I was so shocked I was completely tongue-tied!







:


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I watched a woman get into the FRONT SEAT of a car, holding her (approx) 9 month old DD and her DH got in the drivers seat and they drove away! Baby on lap! I called 911 immedietly.


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## Shonahsmom (Mar 23, 2004)




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## FrozenMommy (May 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama*
I watched a woman get into the FRONT SEAT of a car, holding her (approx) 9 month old DD and her DH got in the drivers seat and they drove away! Baby on lap! I called 911 immedietly.

I believe Brittney Spears recently got slammed for doing that...







she said she was trying to escape the paparazzi...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I was probably most shocked by hearing this:

"Don't tell me you just had a damned poop! I just put that effing diaper on you. Do you think we're made of money or something?"

yelled at a 16-month-old boy. I've heard others that are almost as bad, but that one probably took the cake. The same child was routinely (as in more than once a day) eating candy already, as well.

(This mom has been investigated. They concluded that her behaviour was because husband drinks too much. He's gone. Her behaviour hasn't changed.)


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## maria423 (Dec 24, 2003)

I was in a store and a mother was yelling at her toddler (maybe around 2 years old), shouting, "Shut the fu*k up! Just shut the fu*k up!" over and over again.


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

hmm recently (in the last month) I've seen my neighbors on the front porch holding their 5 month old in one hand and lighting a one-hitter (pot) with the other, yelling at their (developmentally behind) 22 month old to "shut the f*ck up!" because he was crying for attention (gee I wonder why he's behind in development) and just last week, as the entire family was outside in the front lawn, the same 22 month old ran out into the street in front of a car because none of the adults were paying attention to him. *sigh*

btw, he's "okay"...well, at least he didn't get hit by a car or anything.


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

At a beach in a posh neighborhood ("known for being child-friendly") in suburban Chicagoland last summer- a woman set her too-young to talk barefoot tot onto the burning hot sand (during one of those 95+ days, if you lived in the area at that time!) so that she could put _her_ sandels on, and yelled at him to stop crying when he instantly began to hop up and down, shrieking. She then turned her back on him and deliberately walked away, and he chased her, shrieking more, while she calmly repeated, "Use your words, and stop screaming at me." As I started hoofing it over there to explain to her the concept of temperature and heat exchange, a young woman she was with pointed out the extreme heat of the sand while picking him up.







:

That pretty much took the cake.

Clara


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Things like screaming at babies, being angry because the parent has to change a diaper, calling kids names. I never understand that.


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## crazydiamond (May 31, 2005)

I wouldn't call this _the_ most shocking thing, but it did bother me. .

Last week I saw a group of adults pushing a stroller with a newborn in it. That baby was so small, obviously very brand-new, no neck control nothing. That's cool, except they didn't have the baby bucket part. Yup, the baby was just in the regular seat part, where an older child would sit. Even that wouldn't have been a problem had they had the back reclined. That's right, the back was fully upright. . the poor newborn was all scrunched up on the bottom part of the seat with no support or anything. Just made me sad


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## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)

i saw a woman punch a crying baby while it was strapped into a carseat


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## Joannarachel (Dec 10, 2005)

Pre-child, I was at a BBQ with a bunch of DOCTORS. There was a woman and her husband there, both doctors, with their ten month old baby. DID I MENTION THEY WERE DOCTORS?!?!?!

When they were getting ready to leave, one of the other people asked how the baby does in his car seat on the way home, and the mother (WHO, IN CASE I FORGOT TO MENTION, IS A DOCTOR), responded, "Oh, he's fine, I just nurse him while DH drives and when he falls alseep I put him in the carseat."

DID I MENTION THEY WERE BOTH DOCTORS?!?







:


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## papayapetunia (Feb 6, 2006)

I saw a series of shocking events one day, a day that I like to call "My Hell." I ran into a girl that I used to be friends with a long time ago. She had four kids. I had one. We made plans to go to this children's museum. Against my better judgment, she convinced me and dd to ride in their mini-van. So I was trapped listening to Christian contemporary music with a bunch of screaming kids for much of the day. My friend just turns up the music when the kids get loud and she sings along.

But this is all beside the point. She decided to stop at McDonald's, which I don't really do, but whatever. She ordered one large Coke for the 2yo, 3yo, and 6yo to share, along with burgers and fries.

The kids were playing on the filthy disgusting play area, and she called her kids to come eat, threatening them with spankings if they didn't listen right away.

When she finished breastfeeding her 9mo, she started feeding him a burger and gave him sips of the Coke too. Gross.

But then. Then. The kids went to play again, and all I wanted to do was leave. The only reason we got to leave after 45 minutes was because the 2yo peed at the top of the jungle gym. Even though it was pouring down all over the place, she rushed the kids out to the car to leave without telling anyone what had happened.

I tried to fake a headache so I could go home, but she says, "Oh here, I have Advil." I don't remember how I fnally got out of there, but I will never ride in someone else's mini-van ever again.


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## mama_bee (Jun 3, 2006)

ugh. this is almost painful to read. those poor children. i've seen some pretty awful things but one of the worst was a family at our local WIC office. there was a mother and a toddler, perhaps 18-24 months old, and a newborn. the newborn was in a carseat sitting on the floor with a huge bottle of formula propped in front of its face. the toddler reached over, took the bottle, started drinking it and the mom said something along the lines of "remember to share with baby! don't you dare drink it all!" and then snatched the bottle out of the toddlers mouth, put it back in the newborn's face in went on reading her magazine. i can't imagine how hungry those poor children are. that toddler was going to town on the bottle and looked starved.


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## mz_libbie22 (Nov 8, 2004)

Parents letting their young kids wander around on their own at busy Greyhound bus stations. I just rode all the way down to GA from MN and the whole ride down I was in total shock that at every station there were kids just walking around, no one supervising them AT ALL. And these were big cities, Chicago, etc. One little boy was missing for 5-10 minutes at one because his grandma? left him and his little sister alone to go outside.







There was also one mother, who I had the pleasure of riding on a bus all day with, who among other things said: "I'm not going to be your mother anymore" to her 2-3 yr old.









So I had to listen to a CONSTANT stream of that kind of







not to mention the sickening sound of kids getting slapped for a good 20 hours straight. I was pretty much ready to uke the whole time.


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

A mom and dad letting their 18 month old drink beer and then laughing at the baby when he was intoxicated.







:
I called the police, but apparently it was not a crime, even though the law says giving minors alcohol is punishable.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

We were at the park last month and saw a woman put her son who had severe mental disablilites on a swing and pushed him *really* high. He was screaming, crying and begging her to stop and she was LAUGHING, telling him he needed to learn to enjoy it. I could not watch it anymore, so we left









I wanted to go grab that baby and make her stop. It was horrible.


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## ameniahsmommy (Jan 7, 2006)

I over heard a woman telling her 3yr old son "stop hitting yourself in the head before I spank you" I thought that was pretty out there







:


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

I interned in DC for the Dept. of Homicide and did numerous ride-alongs with the police in some of the worst areas of the district. In many of the housing projects it was not uncommon for you to see toddlers outside barefoot ALONE wandering around in the middle of the street at 2 and 3 a.m.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies*
A mom and dad letting their 18 month old drink beer and then laughing at the baby when he was intoxicated.







:
I called the police, but apparently it was not a crime, even though the law says giving minors alcohol is punishable.

Christ! Some people







: My dad gets his dog drunk too. Or rather, he just ignores the fact that every time he has a party the dog goes around drinking everyone's beer and tequila if they set their cup on the ground (It's a lot of foling chairs on a patio with no table, so drinks are either in your hand or on the ground.)

Anywho, I've seen some bad parenting out there. Okay, so this was at a Wal-mart in lower Alabama, but nonetheless, there was a toddler (14-18 mo?) running around with a bottle of coke (the bottle was old and cracked and held together w/ duct tape!) wearing only a diaper, which was _obviously_ soiled (sagging and smelly) and absolutely FILTHY! like he had just been rolling around in dirt. He was running around hitting people, and his mom (who looked a lot like Larry the Cable Guy) was yelling stuff like "Yeah, you show that mean man who's boss!" While he hit them. WTH?!?! That just made me think (Okay, THIS is where everyone gets their stereotypes of Alabama from!!!"


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## ShelFish (May 27, 2006)

When I was in college I worked at the college bookstore as an undercover security guard. One guy we busted had his 4 or 5yo son with him while he was collecting new books off the shelves and selling them back to the store during the end of the semester buy-back. Poor kid had to hang out in the security office while we took the guy's statement ("They're mine! I got them sometime last year from a friend . . . ") and called the police to arrest him. The whole time he was crying and asking, "Daddy, can we go now?"

I later worked in the same store as a cashier and heard a mom tell a little girl (2 or 3) that she was going to throw her in the garbage.


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## ChrisCountryGirl (Dec 8, 2004)

While I was in college, I used the bus transit system. I couldn't believe the number of parents who let their YOUNG kids just wander around & I see parents who repeatedly smack/yell at their kids (even the little ones, like 1-2yrs. old)


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mothragirl*
i saw a woman punch a crying baby while it was strapped into a carseat









oh my ... punch??? a baby? wtf? why? and how many people pummeled her afterwards?


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Oh, last month at WalMart (my granny gets her Rx there, otherwise I avoid the place) DH and I see this family and one of the kids is about 10 years old and has an obvious hearing/speech problem (wearing a huge hearing aid, and she spoke like a deaf person- you know how they can't hear themselves so they sound different?) Well, the girl is trying to tell her mom something, is obviously excited about it and the mom just says "whatever" in a really nasty tone and walks the other way. My DH just turned to me with this look on his face like he was going to be sick and all we could say was "that was just wrong".


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## sweetangelbrynlie (Jun 23, 2005)

The most shocking thing I have ever seen a parent do was yesterday evening. My sisters husbands brother had his daughter for visitation and was dog drunk and walked 12 miles with his two year old to visit my sister and her husband (this would be this guys brother)

The child is 2 years old and he walked down a dangerous road drunk with her right beside crazy fast cars whizzing by! The police got him, finally found the little girls mother. I still can't believe he did THAT! He has never done anything like this before EVER. He doesn't even drink! I guess he decided to yesterday. I swear he has been an awesome dad until now, he just screwed up badly!!


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

I think mine was a woman at the park who was "helping" her son learn to ride a bike. She kept shouting at him, and saying, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Dh went over and said something to her, and she ended up shouting for the benefit of the park in general, "This man wants to tell me how to teach my child!"


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## Tonia80 (Jun 10, 2006)

OMG i cannot handle to even read these without feeling the need to cry, vomit and hit someone bvery hard. (and I am an extreme pacifist) I cannot tolerate crap like this and probably would have flown off teh handle if had seen some of thsi stuff in person. Christ, I don't even keep my nmouth shut if I see a mom slap the hand of a toddler. (though I say it nicely) If I saw someone scream at a child or punch a baby.......hoo boy, all bets would be off. Personally I think people liek that need to be treated the same way. The same way I think rapists ought to be locked in a cell with a big guy named Bubba.......
I think parents who have kids naturally ought to go through teh same screening process as adoptive moms. Notthat it would prevent this all but maybe with that and some parenting classes it could help.......
Ugh. Disgusting. I mean, I have had overwhelming moments while dealing with PPD when I found myslef yelling at my children but I caught on real quick how messed up it was and got help. I guess in that sense I can understand how some of these moms snap, though I in no way am excusing it. I just feel so sad for the kids who have to live lik this and assume a certain way of looking at themselves within all of it. as if they really are to blame. So sad.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

A screening process? I've heard that before, but I don't think so. I can't even imagine having a government bureaucracy - and that's who it would be - deciding who is or isn't an appropriate parent. You want to bet that abusive rich people would be given the seal of approval, and lower income breastfeeding co-sleepers wouldn't be? I suspect that saying you weren't going to vax would be enough to lose your permission...


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## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CryPixie83*
oh my ... punch??? a baby? wtf? why? and how many people pummeled her afterwards?

i was the only one who saw it. it was when i was 14. the baby had been crying in the store. when i left the store i walked by her putting the baby in the carseat and then she punched it. with a closed fist. then she got in her car and drove away. i just stood there crying, i didn't know what to do. i would handle the situation VERY differently now.


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## bohemama (Jan 29, 2005)

The most shocking thing I've ever seen a mom do to her DD was flick her in the mouth







: The little girl (about 3 at the time) was sort of talking back to the mom and that's how the mom "nips it in the bud". Apparently this is something she does on a regular basis when her DD says something that the mom doesn't like.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I once heard a mama say to a kindergarten child, "Get your f---- ass over here right now, boy." That was lovely, but it doesn't beat the mama who came into the first grade class I was teaching, after her daughter had been kinda mischievous for a few days and I'd called home. The mama came in with a leather strap and got up in front of the class and told the whole class that she was going to come in the next day and beat her child in front of the whole class if her child got in trouble again.

Well, the child had bad days now and again, but you can bet your bottom dollar I never called the mama ever again.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
A screening process? I've heard that before, but I don't think so. I can't even imagine having a government bureaucracy - and that's who it would be - deciding who is or isn't an appropriate parent. You want to bet that abusive rich people would be given the seal of approval, and lower income breastfeeding co-sleepers wouldn't be? I suspect that saying you weren't going to vax would be enough to lose your permission...

I agree. I admit, I give my 1.5 yo pop on occasion if we are eating and she asks me for some of mine. Never a lot, but a couple of sips. It hasn't killed her yet. But who is to decide what is normal/good parenting? Bottlefeeding is apparently the norm in america, most bottlefeeders (99.9%) that I know think that I'm a bad parent/disgusting because of it. Are these the people who would decide I shouldn't be a parent?

Anywho, I have seen lots of examples of bad parenting. Mainly by my own mother who regularly left my brothers with random people in roach and meth infested houses for days so that she could go cook some up out of town. I had moved out by this time and was working 60+ hours a week or I would've got them out of there.

I worked in special education for a couple of months and you would not believe some of the most disgusting parents. One mom and dad of a 7 yo with cp and cystic fibrosis amongst other problems really sticks out in my head. They were alcoholic drug addicts who couldn't work. They had 6 kids and they regularly spent their welfare money or any possible wages on the bars and drugs so that their electricity would get turned off and their son's ventilators would stop working for his lung treatments.

Of all the ones I know, they probably get my crappy parents of the year award.


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## Pandora114 (Apr 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dnw826*
I agree. I admit, I give my 1.5 yo pop on occasion

I read that as "I give my 1.5 yo a pop on occasion"







: I so need new glasses.....

I'm not the most stellar parent on this planet. trust me on this...

I've only seen a mom smack her child upside the head for screaming like a banshee....


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
A screening process? I've heard that before, but I don't think so....









: I do think there should be more free parenting classes available to parents. In my last town, they wanted $180 for 1 class!!!! they did NOT offer daycare nor food, only an 'educator' who gave a speech.

In the city where I live, I attend a parenting group that is free, they actually pay us to attend in gift cards for Target and Rainbow foods, they provide dinner and playtime/daycare while parents meet and talk. Not only do we get to learn how to become better parents, but we are also encouraged to support one another in becoming 'good' parents, kwim?


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## kate~mom (Jul 21, 2003)

this whole thread is so sad.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

Without spending a long time thinking about this...fairly recently, the neighbor's 3 year old standing on top of their jacuzzi, (which is near the edge of their deck probably 10 feet off the ground) naked, wielding a garden weasel. Nobody ever came out to stop him. He must have had that thing for 15 minutes, waving it around like a light saber.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Joannarachel*
Pre-child, I was at a BBQ with a bunch of DOCTORS. There was a woman and her husband there, both doctors, with their ten month old baby. DID I MENTION THEY WERE DOCTORS?!?!?!

When they were getting ready to leave, one of the other people asked how the baby does in his car seat on the way home, and the mother (WHO, IN CASE I FORGOT TO MENTION, IS A DOCTOR), responded, "Oh, he's fine, I just nurse him while DH drives and when he falls alseep I put him in the carseat."

DID I MENTION THEY WERE BOTH DOCTORS?!?







:

The most incompetent unknowledgeable babysitter we've ever had was a friend who is also an M.D. who volunteered to babysit. Never again! I'll hire the 15 year old down the street!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

MITB: That sounds like a great program. I don't know if there's anything like that around here or not, but it sounds much more useful than screening prospective parents!

Not most shocking, but...worst parent award in my life goes to my ex. He used to yell (inluding swearing) at ds1 for asking for lunch when my ex was playing a videogame, banished ds1 downstairs so he could smoke pot in the living room (until I caught him), neglected to feed ds1, wouldn't pick ds1 up from the babysitter's when he got off work, etc.

I got a call from ds1's school while I was at work one day. They wanted to know if he was sick, because he hadn't shown up - he was in first grade. I called home (my ex was off that day), and nobody answered. I called my sister (she lived downstairs at that time), so she went up to check on things. DS1 was sitting on the couch watching tv in his underwear. She went and pounded on our bedroom door, and woke my ex up, then let me know. I called him and asked him to send ds1 to school for the afternoon. He said, "sure". I called the school afterwards to see if ds1 had shown up, and he hadn't. My ex told me that he didn't see the point, since he'd already missed the morning. When I got home at 6:30 that evening, ds1 asked me for something to eat, because his dad hadn't given him anything all day. The reason my ex wasn't up to get ds1 ready for school? He'd stayed up late playing Ultima Online.

He hasn't so much as called ds1 in over a year. He spent about three years promising him expensive gifts every Christmas and birthday, then not following through. He's totally abandoned ds1, and I can't help thinking my son's better off that way..


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## Rivka5 (Jul 13, 2005)

Every time I see a thread like this, I wonder: what's this for? Why do people get so excited about sharing horror stories about how AWFUL parents can be? Why do you enjoy reading this stuff enough to deliberately seek it out?

I'm a psychologist, and when I was a child my family fostered abused children. So yeah, I've seen some awful things, and I've heard some terrible stories. But why would I haul them out and put them on exhibit here? They are not instructive. They are not helpful. Telling horror stories and having everybody shake their heads and say "how awful" does not do one single thing to make anything better for anyone.

I just really don't understand the motivation.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Well...for me, it helps me a lot with my tendency to beat myself up and think I'm the worst mother in the world. I expect myself to be endlessly patient, on the ball, organized and able to gently, calmly and rationally handle every situation that comes along. When I can't, I beat the tar out of myself. So...when I read about someone punching their infant, it helps me keep some perspective on my screw-ups, yk? I still don't think I'm a great mom, but it reminds me that I could be doing a lot worse than I am...and sometimes I need that reminder to keep me centered.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rivka5*
I just really don't understand the motivation.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand how you don't understand, seeing that you're a psychiatrist?? If anything, I'd expect you to tell US why we're interested in sharing these stories. No offense.
I personally just think it's similar to people watching those ER shows on the Discovery Health Channel. Sort of the 'truth is stranger than fiction' idea.


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

Rivka, perhaps it too helps us to see how each of us have reacted in these situations. I have seen and dealt with far worse as a teacher in a low-income school, but I am not necessarily parading those tragic cases around for anyone's "excitement" or "enjoyment." I do however want to see where people have stepped in- was it appropriate for me to approach the woman at the beach? Did a pp's DH have a duty as a caring and thoughtful parent to suggest to a woman a better way to teach her son how to ride a bike?

I can see your revulsion if it was a thread purely for people to talk about the most horrible things they have seen in gory detail, but I am seeing this as a helpful way to gauge when I step in (family members think I butt in way too often). I guess if this is making you ill, do not read it. There's nothing really compelling you to cause yourself grief by this thread, and it is not its intention.

Clara


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganf*
I personally just think it's similar to people watching those ER shows on the Discovery Health Channel. Sort of the 'truth is stranger than fiction' idea.

That, too. It's sometimes hard to believe that things like this are going on around us every day. Well, actually, it's not that hard to believe - but I want it to be hard to believe.


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## Jwebbal (May 31, 2004)

I saw a woman in an SUV driving while holding a under 3 month old in her arms. There was another person in the front seat, I figured if you can't bear to put your kid in a car seat for whatever stupid reason, at least don't drive and hold the baby at the same time, OR at least switch with them????


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## AuntMissy (Sep 17, 2004)

I'm listening to the radio at work right now and there has been a huge traffic jam on one of the highways....

they just said that there is a baby in an abandoned car on the highway right next to the median.









Someone just left their car in the middle of the highway with their baby in it!!


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## kfowler (Jun 7, 2006)

I once heard a father say to his daughter, "Show so and so what you do to a little black baby." The little girl promptly socked her stuffed animal in the nose and the dad laughed and said "That's right! Good girl!"

On another occasion, I heard two parents tell their 3 yo son that if he didn't behave, they'd send him to live with the black people.

And some people wonder why racism is still alive and well in today's day and age...


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## MamaHippo (Dec 4, 2004)

When I was in England last summer, I was in a parking lot and I saw a young (early 20's) mom get into the passenger seat of a car with her approx. 6 mo baby in her lap, and her friend who was driving hands her a cigarette. So they drive off, with the friend's toddler unstrapped in the back seat and bouncing all over, and the other mom smoking and holding the baby on her lap. My friend i was staying with said that if she knew the right number to call, she'd have called the cops. Unfortunately, while I was there I also saw my friend's cousin (3 months pregnant) drinking heavily (to the point of passing out) and smoking like a chimney. When someone in the family asked her if she should be doing that while pg, she said, "Well, it never hurt *me* with DD1." (emphasis is mine). Her DD1 has severe learning disabilities and lung problems, and was on a ventilator at birth.









I have seen my SIL give her boys (from the time they were less than a year old) the following things in their bottles : gatorade, cola, lemonade, YooHoo, and koolaide. Her boys are now 4 and 2.5 and they drink nothing but choc milk and Capri Suns. Her kids have the worst diets imaginable, and watch 6-8 hours of cartoons a day. Her DS2 has been kicked out of daycare for frequent malicious, violent behavior - he's 2.5 yo.








I dont like going over there at all. Every day something else shocks me. She loves her kids and isnt abusive at all, but the way she's raising them just blows my mind.


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eminer*
I think mine was a woman at the park who was "helping" her son learn to ride a bike. She kept shouting at him, and saying, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Dh went over and said something to her, and she ended up shouting for the benefit of the park in general, "This man wants to tell me how to teach my child!"

Okay, would you mind if I told you I have a crush on your husband
















Mine happened when my oldest was about 5 months. We were at the ped's office and a mom was threatening her child--about 18m-24m, that if he wasn't 'good', the dr was going to give him a shot. This was so wrong on so many levels and we wanted to say something to her, but we thought that since our first was still a lil' babe we wouldn't have been taken seriously, b/c our child was so young and we had no idea how it was to parent an older child.

When I worked w/the state, I worked w/foster children and reunification, and keeping the bio family together. Some of the things I heard there, made my head spin.


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## papayapetunia (Feb 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jwebbal*
I saw a woman in an SUV driving while holding a under 3 month old in her arms. There was another person in the front seat, I figured if you can't bear to put your kid in a car seat for whatever stupid reason, at least don't drive and hold the baby at the same time, OR at least switch with them????

Was her name Britney?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kfowler*
I once heard a father say to his daughter, "Show so and so what you do to a little black baby." The little girl promptly socked her stuffed animal in the nose and the dad laughed and said "That's right! Good girl!"

Oh, yeah...that reminds me. I was a birthday party for a friend's grandson. A friend of the mom's was there with his little girl. The little girl was taking her turn at the pinata, and the dad said, "go, Lexi - hit it like daddy hits mommy". I wanted to puke.


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## craftymom (Jun 27, 2005)

Well, compared to most of these, mine is a little less horrible. But potentially devastating.

After leaving older ds's preschool one day, we saw his good friend's minivan, going about 30 on a 45 mph street (where most cars go at least 50), going back in forth in its lane, from dots on one line to dots on the other. As we pass by, I see she is turned around, SCREAMING at her kids, looking at the back seat. While driving. This was the same woman who trapped her kids (I hesitate to say locked since there was no lock) on her other floor, in front of the TV, so she could work on her computer. And kept her younger one in a baby bucket carseat well past the age of one--and more relevantly, way past 20 pounds, and her head was over the top of the seat, she was so big. And insisted it was safer that way.

And, perhaps even scarier, other people at the school were _always_ having her pick up and watch their kids. WTF? We don't even see them anymore, I would never trust her with mine!


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
"go, Lexi - hit it like daddy hits mommy".

I hope for that kid's sake that was just a sick joke. I know I have a TERRIBLE sense of humor, and people might think something of me because of the things I joke about. I've been a lot better about it lately. It's like the dead baby jokes-- no one actually thinks a dead baby is funny in the least, but they won't hesitate to tell a joke about it. I'm just hoping this guy has that kind of sense of humor.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
Oh, yeah...that reminds me. I was a birthday party for a friend's grandson. A friend of the mom's was there with his little girl. The little girl was taking her turn at the pinata, and the dad said, "go, Lexi - hit it like daddy hits mommy". I wanted to puke.

I'd interpret that as "he's hitting that" - slang for "has sex with." Kind of a bad joke to make in front of kids, but not about actual spousal abuse.


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

I went to a playgroup through Mommy and Me and this one woman who was the mother of b-g twins clearly and visibly favored the girl and despised the boy. One day at a park, I saw her shake him (not an OMG-I'm-calling-CPS-now shake, but a shake nevertheless) and say something to him that began, "LOOK, you little SHIT..."


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I didn't see but I HEARD a young baby getting slapped at a store once. Or I'm sure I did.

i heard the baby in the cart behind me shriek (sounded like excitement to me) then a loud slap, then silence.

it sounded like the mother slapped her baby across the face.

Let's hope I was wrong.


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

A couple of months ago me and dh were at a book store and behind one of the shelves was a mom and daughter; probably about 3 years old. The girl was whining or crying about something. And the mom just started wailing on her. She was screaming for her mom to stop. After it stopped the little girl said to her mother, "I hate you" and you know what her mom said? "Not as much as I hate you." I wanted to puke.


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rivka5*
Every time I see a thread like this, I wonder: what's this for? Why do people get so excited about sharing horror stories about how AWFUL parents can be? Why do you enjoy reading this stuff enough to deliberately seek it out?

I'm a psychologist, and when I was a child my family fostered abused children. So yeah, I've seen some awful things, and I've heard some terrible stories. But why would I haul them out and put them on exhibit here? They are not instructive. They are not helpful. Telling horror stories and having everybody shake their heads and say "how awful" does not do one single thing to make anything better for anyone.

I just really don't understand the motivation.

Oh come on, it's always nice to be able to say "at least I'm not THAT kind of monster-parent" when you've had a rough day. These threads are sad for the kids and parents who are the source of the stories, but balm for everyone else who gets to feel a little better about themselves in comparison.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:

Oh come on, it's always nice to be able to say "at least I'm not THAT kind of monster-parent" when you've had a rough day. These threads are sad for the kids and parents who are the source of the stories, but balm for everyone else who gets to feel a little better about themselves in comparison.
It doesn't work this way for me. Because I think I *could* be that kind of monster parent, given the circumstances that some of these parents were brought up in as children themselves. And given the resources and support that many parents lack. I hear these stories, and I have to wonder how much these parents must be hurting inside.

Attempting to boost my sense of self-satisfaction by comparing myself to others always backfires. "Getting off" on feeling superior to other people is not cool. But not only that, there is always someone else who appears to superior to me, and then I end up feeling inferior because I have created the habit of making comparisons. So no, I don't think this is a good way to go about patting ourselves on the back. We should each be doing our best, and most of the time trying to believe that others are too.

There have been times that I have seen something awful, and I needed to debrief or "vent" about it in order to cleanse my psyche. That is one thing -- but putting poor parenting on display purely for the sake of having the opportunity to look down on others really does feel wrong. I'm with Rivka -- these are awful sad stories, and I don't see this sort of exersize as healthy.


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck*
There have been times that I have seen something awful, and I needed to debrief or "vent" about it in order to cleanse my psyche.

This is why I'm here too. I just needed to get it out of my mind.


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## outdoorlove (Feb 12, 2006)

The one that comes to mind with me is someone I use to babysit for when I was in my teens. She use to prop baby bottles for her infants filled with coolaide. Possibly back in those days they didn't realize how horrible that was. Needless to say though, her kids ended up with rotten teeth. So, too much sugar on the baby gums does effect the baby teeth.


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## sweetangelbrynlie (Jun 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyD*
This is why I'm here too. I just needed to get it out of my mind.

Me too!


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck*
It doesn't work this way for me. Because I think I *could* be that kind of monster parent, given the circumstances that some of these parents were brought up in as children themselves. And given the resources and support that many parents lack. I hear these stories, and I have to wonder how much these parents must be hurting inside.

Attempting to boost my sense of self-satisfaction by comparing myself to others always backfires. "Getting off" on feeling superior to other people is not cool. But not only that, there is always someone else who appears to superior to me, and then I end up feeling inferior because I have created the habit of making comparisons. So no, I don't think this is a good way to go about patting ourselves on the back. We should each be doing our best, and most of the time trying to believe that others are too.

There have been times that I have seen something awful, and I needed to debrief or "vent" about it in order to cleanse my psyche. That is one thing -- but putting poor parenting on display purely for the sake of having the opportunity to look down on others really does feel wrong. I'm with Rivka -- these are awful sad stories, and I don't see this sort of exersize as healthy.

I don't feel like I'm a better parent by reading these. That's like feeling like you're a great basketball player 'cause you're up against Gary Coleman. I mostly feel sorry for these women and for their children and for the others that they'll encounter along the way. I think of the fact that my own mom and I had some (verbal) moments like the ones above, and how they didn't make either me or her into better people or the world into a better place. I'm not a perfect parent, but I'm trying with my dd to be the kind of parent I think is best.

I'm also finding it useful to "rehearse," as it were, what I would do in a situation where I witnessed something abusive. I did NOTHING about the mother who shook her son and called him a little shit. I considered calling CPS, but I never did anything except tell her husband's cousin, whom I worked with, in the hopes that he could keep an eye on the situation, so in short, I passed the buck. I feel bad about doing that -- I should've stepped in. However, for those of us who are essentially nonabusers and who didn't grow up in a physically abusive household, I think the power of just plain jaw-dropping shock has the power to stun us into inaction and silence, like deers in the headlights, and reading this thread minimizes the possibility that shock and incomprehension are going to be my initial reactions. Hopefully, I'll grow some ovaries next time.


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## LittleBee (Apr 27, 2006)

Once at Target (about 8 years ago), I saw a mom in line...he young baby was just crying and crying (assuming hunger or tired)...she was visible irritated by the crying child. She then strapped the baby in the carseat, got into the front seat---turned around a PUNCHED the baby in the face (I was sitting directly in front of her in my car). Thankfully I had a cellphone...I called the police, pulled out after her (and she knew I was after her because I screamed out when I saw what she had done), I got her license plate #, stayed on the phone with 911...following her EVERYWHERE...until the cops FINALLY caught up to her...they arrested her!!!!!!!!!! **SIGH**


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pandora114*
I read that as "I give my 1.5 yo a pop on occasion"







: I so need new glasses.....

I'm not the most stellar parent on this planet. trust me on this...

I've only seen a mom smack her child upside the head for screaming like a banshee....

No! Not a pop, a few sips of pop. My lord if my 1.5 yo drank a whole pop, she would explode!

But my sil gives her 2 yo 4 gallons of chocolate milk a week. No other drinks are ever even offered. That's worse than pop as far as I'm concerned.


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## kfowler (Jun 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dnw826*
No! Not a pop, a few sips of pop. My lord if my 1.5 yo drank a whole pop, she would explode!

But my sil gives her 2 yo 4 gallons of chocolate milk a week. No other drinks are ever even offered. That's worse than pop as far as I'm concerned.

I read it the same as Pandora initially, only I interpreted "a pop" to mean a smack, as in "a pop in the head". Glad to know you meant a few sips of pop instead of a smack in the head! Guess I need glasses too!







:


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

frontierpsych & pookel: I don't think it was a joke. I've met this guy a couple of times at parties for the kids, and he's...not a nice person. He's a jerk - I know he's addicted to cocaine, and I'm about 99% sure he's a pusher, as well. He and the little girl's mom are separated, so hopefully she's found someone less abusive.









I noticed a couple of references to my thing about feeling like a better parent. It's not really about feeling like a "better" parent. These stories simply help me keep my perspective a little when I'm absolutely convinced that I'm the most horrible, impatient, abusive mom in the world. I lose my cool sometimes. DD is the most delightful, exuberant, full-of-life little girl I can imagine, and sometimes I'm just not up to coping with that kind of energy level. I get frustrated. And, I feel like a monster. Sometimes, reading about people who really seriously cross the line (punching a baby???) reminds me that my _attitude_ toward dd is one of love, that my philosophy about dd is that she deserves to be treated with respect, that I don't see her as some horrible inconvenience that's been foisted on me...in short, that I'm really not _that_ bad at this. I don't know if this is making sense. Lately, I seem to be typing a lot of essays that don't go anywhere...


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Speaking of which..
I was just at Barnes and Nobles and there was this man there with his 8,4,and 2 year olds. Not only was he carrying around Knives magazine (a bit freaky if you ask me), but his 8yo said something and he said "Why did you say that, why don't you just shut the f$*k up. You are so stupid.". Obviously, I kept my kids far away from him.


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## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

Man, I am so sorry I opened this thread























As to why? As some others have said, I wanted to imagine being the witness to these scenarios to "practice" how I might respond. Such shocking things usually catch you totally off guard so you stand there with your mouth wide open and then later beat yourself up over what you should have done. I have never witnessed anything like the things that have been described, but it is certainly possible that I will someday. I hope I have the courage and presence of mind to intervene in a timely and appropriate manner.


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## graceshappymum (May 11, 2006)

you're so right. I just got back from the mall (I hate malls). I was in a clothing store and a man pushing his 3-4 yr dd in a stroller yelled at her to pick up her feet, and then when she asked a perfectly normal question he yelled at her to shut up. Not the worst thing I've seen by far, but certainly the most recent. I feel awful for the little girl and feel like I should have said something.

This thread has just made me cry.







:


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## gentle_mama04 (Dec 1, 2005)

I was in Hancock Fabrics the other day and there was a mom, grandma and a 10, 6, and 4 year old. The 4 year old said "mommy, I have to go potty." The mom was visibly irritated by such and incovenience and said, "That's why I put a d*mn diaper on you. I'll change you when we get home." This woman by the way had no merchendise in her hands and was just browsing. The bathroom was a whole whopping 15 feet away. The little girl then told her mom that she had to poop. The mom said she didn't care that she would be changed when they get home. The grandma finally said that she would take the little girl. The mom said that no the 10 year old could take her and her other sister.(the 6 year old.) I felt so bad for this little girl, she seemed realy embarassed.


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## Pandora114 (Apr 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gentle_mama04*
I was in Hancock Fabrics the other day and there was a mom, grandma and a 10, 6, and 4 year old. The 4 year old said "mommy, I have to go potty." The mom was visibly irritated by such and incovenience and said, "That's why I put a d*mn diaper on you. I'll change you when we get home." This woman by the way had no merchendise in her hands and was just browsing. The bathroom was a whole whopping 15 feet away. The little girl then told her mom that she had to poop. The mom said she didn't care that she would be changed when they get home. The grandma finally said that she would take the little girl. The mom said that no the 10 year old could take her and her other sister.(the 6 year old.) I felt so bad for this little girl, she seemed realy embarassed.









:

Thanks for the reminder! I keep forgetting to bring DD's potty ring with us whenever we go out! I'm glad she's able to hold it for a long time but man! I keep forgetting the darned backpack that it's in!

See, that's why these threads are constructive!!!!

See she's terrified of sitting on big toilets without a ring under her, you know one of those things that make a big potty a little potty (she loves that aspect) So we have one that fits neatly in her nemo backpack, and I KEEP FORGETTING TO BRING IT ALONG!!! Stupid mommy







:

I'll put her backpack near my purse just to be on the safe side.

Whee!


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck*
There have been times that I have seen something awful, and I needed to debrief or "vent" about it in order to cleanse my psyche. That is one thing -- but putting poor parenting on display purely for the sake of having the opportunity to look down on others really does feel wrong. I'm with Rivka -- these are awful sad stories, and I don't see this sort of exersize as healthy.

To those who are disturbed by the thread, I can see where you are coming from. There is definitely always that temptation to feel good about putting others down. I'm sorry that you were disturbed.

I guess that for me, the comfort levels are reversed: I am usually reluctant to bring up something that I saw in a separate "vent" thread, because then I feel like I am encouraging everyone to gang up (virtually) on one particular parent and speculate, often very unsympathetically, on his or her motives. The reason why this thread feels logical to me is that I don't experience abuse of children as a lot of individual incidents, but more as a pattern. IRL, I witness it fairly regularly, and the general acceptance it seems to meet, where I live, is kind of crazymaking -- it's like, did I just see that? Am I the only one who is shocked? (And then a drama often ensues if someone does have the desire and the courage to say something.) I doubt that I am the only one who feels that feeling of being frozen and incredulous, like, I must be mistaken. Sharing our experiences on this thread helps confirm my awareness that yes, this really does happen, and my resolve to speak up for the child every time.


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## stormchaser_al (Jun 15, 2006)

Before I became a mom, actually before I even thought of the possibility of being a mom, I worked at Wal-Mart in a nearby town. One day I was working and had walked outside on my lunch break. A lady and police officer were standing by a car parked near the front door. The car was running and there were two little children in the car. The adult (mom, guardian, or whatever she was) was inside shopping. Two hours passed and still no parents. The children were okay but when the lady finally came out of the store she got the biggest surprise of her life. Her children were not in the car but at the local police station and she had a police officer waiting on her to escort her in handcuffs to the local station for endangering her children.


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## wifeandmom (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dnw826*

But my sil gives her 2 yo 4 gallons of chocolate milk a week. No other drinks are ever even offered. That's worse than pop as far as I'm concerned.

May I ask why chocolate milk is worse that soda in your opinion?

The sugar content is comparable between the two, but at least the milk has protein and calcium, among other nutrients, whereas the soda has what? None of that.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

I'm guessing she meant just chocolate milk all the time is worse than a few sips of pop on few occassions... that's how I read it at least.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Yea, that's how I interpreted it. Chocolate milk all the time is worse than an occasional pop. I have to agree with her too. Milk is somewhat controversial as is, and then you have to add in all the unecessary sugar and stuff, plus giving it all the time. I personally think that's much worse then having a coke every day. At least with coke everyday, they'd be getting other stuff. It's of course the lesser fo two evils, and ideally no child should be drinking coke ever, but variety is always better.

Personally, with a good variety however I'd choose the occasional chocolate milk over the coke, though. Chocloate milk does offer *some* nutritional value..calcium, ext. Coke is just nil, plus it has funky acids in it.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganf*
Without spending a long time thinking about this...fairly recently, the neighbor's 3 year old standing on top of their jacuzzi, (which is near the edge of their deck probably 10 feet off the ground) naked, wielding a garden weasel. Nobody ever came out to stop him. He must have had that thing for 15 minutes, waving it around like a light saber.

That sounds like mama shower time. This one, as scary as it is, could happen to a sick or showering paret.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

I don't visuallly see it, but I hear it go on every day.....our neighbour in the apartment building we are in is constatly yelling at and from what I can tell, hitting her preschool aged daughter. She won't let her play anywhere but in the stairwell because shes to lazy to watch her at the park, and when her daughter does go up the footpath to play with the kids in the grassed area or to try and go to the park, he mom comes thumping out the door screaming obcesnities at her, then from what I can tell hits her because she starts to cry very loudly in a hurt type of way, then her mom keeps yelling at her, telling her shes stupid etc. Its awful, I can't deal with it some days and I cry, other days I just turn the music or tv up louder to drown them out. Shes had CPS investigate her before, had the police over nuemerous times....noone cares.


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## mrsjordanjr (May 12, 2006)

Once I saw someone smacking their baby (was in a carseat in the back seat) while driving a car at the same time. They had reached over the seat and started smacking several times.







:

The other thing was when this kid got in trouble for retail theft at a Boston Store and when the police called his mom, his mom came to get him. Then as the police and his mother took him outside, the mother smacked the kid in back of the head really hard. The officer walking behind them didn't do a thing, he just let the mother correct her son. He was in his teens.


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## mrsjordanjr (May 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *romans_mum*
I don't visuallly see it, but I hear it go on every day.....our neighbour in the apartment building we are in is constatly yelling at and from what I can tell, hitting her preschool aged daughter. She won't let her play anywhere but in the stairwell because shes to lazy to watch her at the park, and when her daughter does go up the footpath to play with the kids in the grassed area or to try and go to the park, he mom comes thumping out the door screaming obcesnities at her, then from what I can tell hits her because she starts to cry very loudly in a hurt type of way, then her mom keeps yelling at her, telling her shes stupid etc. Its awful, I can't deal with it some days and I cry, other days I just turn the music or tv up louder to drown them out. Shes had CPS investigate her before, had the police over nuemerous times....noone cares.

Maybe someone should start recording it on video and submit that to the Police with a copy also for Social Services.


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## wifeandmom (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *St. Margaret*
I'm guessing she meant just chocolate milk all the time is worse than a few sips of pop on few occassions... that's how I read it at least.

Ah, now that makes sense.


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## warrior mama (Feb 9, 2006)

the most shocking....hmm.....I know a mom who wanted her 11 year old daughter to stay the night alone with her grandmother who was dying. The grandmother was at home, terminally ill and the doctor had said she probably wouldn't last the night. The mother and her brother didn't want to spend the night there so the mother suggested that her 11 year old could stay with grandma. The 11 year old was TERRIFIED! She didn't want to spend the night alone with dying grandma, her mother shamed her for being afraid. Luckily grandma died a few hours later. The mother.....she's mine. Yes, I was the 11 year old. I have many shocking stories from my own childhood


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *warrior mama*
the most shocking....hmm.....I know a mom who wanted her 11 year old daughter to stay the night alone with her grandmother who was dying. The grandmother was at home, terminally ill and the doctor had said she probably wouldn't last the night. The mother and her brother didn't want to spend the night there so the mother suggested that her 11 year old could stay with grandma. The 11 year old was TERRIFIED! She didn't want to spend the night alone with dying grandma, her mother shamed her for being afraid. Luckily grandma died a few hours later. The mother.....she's mine. Yes, I was the 11 year old. I have many shocking stories from my own childhood









Oh my!


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LittleBee*
Once at Target (about 8 years ago), I saw a mom in line...he young baby was just crying and crying (assuming hunger or tired)...she was visible irritated by the crying child. She then strapped the baby in the carseat, got into the front seat---turned around a PUNCHED the baby in the face (I was sitting directly in front of her in my car). Thankfully I had a cellphone...I called the police, pulled out after her (and she knew I was after her because I screamed out when I saw what she had done), I got her license plate #, stayed on the phone with 911...following her EVERYWHERE...until the cops FINALLY caught up to her...they arrested her!!!!!!!!!! **SIGH**

OMG! Good for you for doing that! Wow...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *warrior mama*
the most shocking....hmm.....I know a mom who wanted her 11 year old daughter to stay the night alone with her grandmother who was dying. The grandmother was at home, terminally ill and the doctor had said she probably wouldn't last the night. The mother and her brother didn't want to spend the night there so the mother suggested that her 11 year old could stay with grandma. The 11 year old was TERRIFIED! She didn't want to spend the night alone with dying grandma, her mother shamed her for being afraid. Luckily grandma died a few hours later. The mother.....she's mine. Yes, I was the 11 year old. I have many shocking stories from my own childhood









This reminds me of a friend of mine. Her mom and stepdad asked her, when she was 17, to be a surrogate for them so they could have a new baby. She didn't tell anybody until she was 31, because she didn't think anyone would believe her. I'm the only one she ever told. I know her mom and stepdad, and I'm not even surprised...


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## mahogny (Oct 16, 2003)

I witnessed something 6 years ago, before I ever had kids, that still haunts me.

My DH and I were at Sea World in Orlando, and they had a huge ray tank. It was about waist high, and you could reach in a touch the rays. My husband had gone to the restroom so I was just sitting there by the ray tank and I saw a dad pick up his ~3 yo son and tease him, "I'm going throw you in the tank!" The boy was SCREAMING, "NO! NO! NO! Please, Daddy, NO!" Sobbing, screaming, the whole shebang. The dad kept persisting. I'm going to dunk you! Here we go!" And was holding the little boy over the water and was lowering him close to it, as if he was going to put him in feet first. The boy just kept screaming and sobbing...

Fortunately, my husband returned then, and I told him I wanted to leave the park. Just witnessing that make me sick to my stomach, and I wanted to go.

I know some question the purpose of this thread, but for me, it was very healing writing this out right now, amongst women who understand my horror at witnessing the situation. Thank you. That scene has haunted me for six years.


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## Tonia80 (Jun 10, 2006)

I agree with Sarah, it's why I feel so comfortable here at MDC. If I opened my mouth on a mainstream board about how upsetting it is to me taht my friend keeps her almost 11 month odl in a car seat almost all day it would be debated but here you agree with me, you are all educated enough to understand where I come from in my view of a situation like that. Like yesterday at teh store, I witnessed a man smack his three year old on the back of teh head cuz the (obviously tired) child accidentally stepped on teh back of his shoe. The child started crying and the dad ignored it. Plenty of other people saw and no one even blinked. But I had JUST read this thread before leaving the house and it REALLY made me upset. Normally I keep my moputh shut cuz I don't knwo where to begin but this time I lookd right at the guy and said "Great communication skills your'e teaching him." and walked off. I didn't give a crap if I pist him off. It bothered me.


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## Galatea (Jun 28, 2004)

The concept of this thread bothers me.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Galatea*
The concept of this thread bothers me.

what about it bothers you? the content or severity of whats been seen or that its being discussed at all?


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

1. before i was a mom, i saw a mother in the store backhand her baby (sitting in the grocery cart) and start yelling at him.







even without being a mom myself yet, i felt so sad i could cry.

2. sitting in my then-OB's office, i saw a mother hand a package of Cert's (?) candy to her 8 month old baby.... and let her baby start eating them.


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## Galatea (Jun 28, 2004)

Well, the stories make me sad, but I am uncomfortable with judging other parents, no matter how awful they are treating their kids. I just think, what was done to them as children that they learned to parent like this? And how sad is it that generations of families live this way? I also get sad when reading about people calling the cops on these people, b/c it just makes me imagine having someone try to take my kids away; not that I do these things, but what if someone tried to take my kids away for not vaxxing them or something? And how sad for the kids to be separated from their parents, even though they are terrible parents, it is still going to scar them. The whole thing is just so sad that I don't like the idea of using these people to practice our tattling or to make us feel better about our own slipups.


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Galatea*
I also get sad when reading about people calling the cops on these people, b/c it just makes me imagine having someone try to take my kids away; not that I do these things, but what if someone tried to take my kids away for not vaxxing them or something? And how sad for the kids to be separated from their parents, even though they are terrible parents, it is still going to scar them. The whole thing is just so sad that I don't like the idea of using these people to practice our tattling or to make us feel better about our own slipups.

Part of ending the cycle of abuse of children is to report such parents, discuss why it is not okay to hit/hurt children, etc.
If we remain silent, who will ever give a voice to these children?


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

I have never told the police about any parents style of discipline unless It was tottaly obvious they were outright abusing the child and not stopping, like an ex neighbour on the other side of our wall. The neighbour I was talking about has been under suspicion of drug selling and using, and has had numerous domestic problems at her apartment needing the assistance of the cops, so thats why the cops etc have knowledge of her. As for other people saying they contacted the police or told CPS.....thats their perogitive.

I agree with you, Its terrible to know these people have probably grown up this way, and their kids will probably go on to act the same way. My veiw of the reason for this thread was more of a cathartic outlet for the pain we feel when we have seen these things.

I myself have the same fears you do, I worry when I start homeschooling will a nosy neighbour report me and possibly have CPS involved to the point where I may have them taken off me....I worried what might happen to me when I refused my GD test during pregnancy.

I definatly don't read this stuff and feel better about my "slipups", in fact, it makes me feel worse, and make me want to control my temper even more in order to protect my children from ever having that pain in their life.


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## kfowler (Jun 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies*
Part of ending the cycle of abuse of children is to report such parents, discuss why it is not okay to hit/hurt children, etc.
If we remain silent, who will ever give a voice to these children?

My sentiments exactly. Too many people turn their heads and try to pretend that what they saw didn't happen. And what is up with feeling pity for the abusive parents? What about the children who are being abused day in and day out? Where's the pity for them?

Furthermore, I'm sick of people using the excuse that an abusive childhood is a valid reason for abusing their children. I grew up in a verbally and physically abusive household and I do not, nor will I ever, abuse my child. Instead, I purposely took the hard road and endured years of counseling to help me come to terms with the abuse and overcome it so that I wouldn't continue the cycle with my own child. I realize that in times past, such help may not have been available but, in this day and age, I see no excuse. JMHO.


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## JillChristina (May 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kfowler*
Furthermore, I'm sick of people using the excuse that an abusive childhood is a valid reason for abusing their children. I grew up in a verbally and physically abusive household and I do not, nor will I ever, abuse my child. Instead, I purposely took the hard road and endured years of counseling to help me come to terms with the abuse and overcome it so that I wouldn't continue the cycle with my own child. I realize that in times past, such help may not have been available but, in this day and age, I see no excuse. JMHO.









:

My dh was raised in many horrible environments and had awful things done to him (though it could have been worse). He is the most wonderful father and would NEVER do to his children what was done to him.

I've seen some good examples of poor parenting in my day but thankfully nothing so horrible that sticks in my mind.

Jill


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

Well, I'm going to outright admit that the reason I read this thread is morbid curiosity. I'm human. And I also like to get hopping mad from time to time . . . really, for me it's no different than reading a formula-feeding forum periodically on another discussion board. It definitely gives me pause to think of how I would respond to certain situations but the main reason is to shake myself out of my comfort zone. I tend to lead a bit of a charmed, zen-like life for the most part, or maybe I just have really strong blinders on, and I've never witnessed anything like this, so I need a pull back into reality from time to time.


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## JSerene (Nov 4, 2004)

I once heard a survivor of severe child abuse (can't remember his name) tell his story on the radio in promotion of his memoir. Something he said has always stuck with me. He wanted to know why no one ever intervened. Why did no one ever stop his dad from hitting him while they were in public? Why didn't any of the neighbors call the authorities when it was obvious the kids were being abused? Why didn't anyone ever help him?

I have also heard a survivor report that it was a shock when someone stepped up and confronted his parents in public, basically because it had never occurred to him that he didn't deserve to be treated that way.

I have never been witness to child abuse and I don't know how I would react if I saw it. When I read stories like these I hug my baby and tell her how much I love her. I grieve for all the sadness this life has to offer so many (adults, children, animals)...sometimes it's hard not to let it get me down.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wifeandmom*
May I ask why chocolate milk is worse that soda in your opinion?

The sugar content is comparable between the two, but at least the milk has protein and calcium, among other nutrients, whereas the soda has what? None of that.

Having your kid drink more than half a gallon of cheapo chocolate milk everyday is much worse in my eyes than letting your child have an occasional sip of pop. THe thing is, her kid only drinks chocolate milk and only eats cheese. Her grandma (my MIL) has her eating like this and she is the same woman who never once even offered a fruit or vegetable besides a rare potato to dh. He became diabetic. I bet she will, too. Now dh loves veggies and healthy food. And while his niece was here, we got her to drink rice milk, soy milk, juice, water, and eat papya, mango, banana...We basically gave her the only nutrition she's had since she was on formula.

That is why I consider gallons of chocolate milk a week to be worse than a sip of pop.


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## FrozenMommy (May 25, 2006)

EVC said:


> Man, I am so sorry I opened this thread
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

I couldn't get past the stories on the first page.


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## guestmama9915 (Jul 29, 2004)

Whatever. Why do I bother.


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## mom2evan (Feb 3, 2005)

I find this thread terribly disturbing, and worry, as others have, that it could be used as an outlet for malicious gossip and as a way to make ourselves feel superior as parents.

In the end, though, I believe that bearing witness to the suffering of innocents is an important and necessary part of effecting change. I also believe there is value in confirming, among like-minded members of the community, that the acts described in this thread are, in truth, shocking.








:


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

I few years ago I was putting kids in the car and saw next to me a woman in a mini-van beating her carseated baby with a shoe. As I backed out I noticed that she had a pro-life license plate.

This afternoon I saw a mother repetadly hit her babys hand because she had taken her baby bracelet off.


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

oops! double!


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## celia (Apr 22, 2005)

Someone mentioned Barnes and Noble. It reminded me of when I was in one with DD- when she about 6 months old- and I suddenly realized I had forgotten to strap her in and she was sliding out the bottom of the stroller...








maybe we should do a more lighthearted thread about our own screw-ups. Now THAT might help me feel like a better mom....


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DoulaClara*
At a beach in a posh neighborhood ("known for being child-friendly") in suburban Chicagoland last summer- a woman set her too-young to talk barefoot tot onto the burning hot sand (during one of those 95+ days, if you lived in the area at that time!) so that she could put _her_ sandels on, and yelled at him to stop crying when he instantly began to hop up and down, shrieking. She then turned her back on him and deliberately walked away, and he chased her, shrieking more, while she calmly repeated, "Use your words, and stop screaming at me." As I started hoofing it over there to explain to her the concept of temperature and heat exchange, a young woman she was with pointed out the extreme heat of the sand while picking him up.







:

That pretty much took the cake.

Clara

Omg, I just had a flash back. When I was a teenager, I saw a young woman at the beach, walking through the red hot parking lot with a toddler. She put her down on the hot pavement, barefloot and yelled at her to "WALK". When the child started shrieking and trying to climb up the woman to get off the hot pavement, the woman slapped the child, hard. I burst into tears. Luckily the woman finally picked the child back up, I was about to go over and pick her up myself.


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## AmyAngel (Dec 3, 2004)

This is not something I saw actually take place, but...

When I was working daycare during college, we had two brothers in our class - an almost 2 and a 4 month old. The 4 month old cried CONSTANTLY. He cried when you held him (no matter what position), when he way lying down (back or tummy), when you changed him, when you sat him in a baby seat (we had a couple bucket seats for feeding the little ones who were starting solids), everywhere EXCEPT the swing. If he was in the swing, he would sleep and stop crying. We kept him in the swing WAY more than we would have liked - we tried to only use it as a keep-baby-calm-for-a-few-moments device while we had our hands full with the others. He occasionally had bruises, but they were easily and convincingly explained away - "his brother hit him yesterday", "dad wasn't watching carefully and bumped his head on the door frame, he felt so bad." The brother had slightly more suspicious bruises - "he just got a big boy bed and fell off while jumping on it" "the broom leaning against the wall fell and hit his face" - all plausible.

THEN... Dad heated the baby's bottle WAY too hot and gave it to him anyway, scalding his throat. They went to the ER, of course, and in the course of things (I suspect the doctors must have had their suspicions raised), they took x-rays of the baby. Broken collarbone, broken femur, multiple broken ribs in various states of healing! The poor baby! We were all horrified that we hadn't taken our niggling suspicions more seriously!







What if we had said something earlier?

I have read this thread partly because of morbid curiosity, and partly because it is cathartic to share stories that affect us so strongly. I do feel a bit sorry for the parents who are at the end of their rope and hurt their children, but I feel much worse for the children. The parents are supposed to be the adults - it's their responsibility not to let their own abuse trickle down to their children.


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## sweetangelbrynlie (Jun 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyAngel*
This is not something I saw actually take place, but...

When I was working daycare during college, we had two brothers in our class - an almost 2 and a 4 month old. The 4 month old cried CONSTANTLY. He cried when you held him (no matter what position), when he way lying down (back or tummy), when you changed him, when you sat him in a baby seat (we had a couple bucket seats for feeding the little ones who were starting solids), everywhere EXCEPT the swing. If he was in the swing, he would sleep and stop crying. We kept him in the swing WAY more than we would have liked - we tried to only use it as a keep-baby-calm-for-a-few-moments device while we had our hands full with the others. He occasionally had bruises, but they were easily and convincingly explained away - "his brother hit him yesterday", "dad wasn't watching carefully and bumped his head on the door frame, he felt so bad." The brother had slightly more suspicious bruises - "he just got a big boy bed and fell off while jumping on it" "the broom leaning against the wall fell and hit his face" - all plausible.

THEN... Dad heated the baby's bottle WAY too hot and gave it to him anyway, scalding his throat. They went to the ER, of course, and in the course of things (I suspect the doctors must have had their suspicions raised), they took x-rays of the baby. Broken collarbone, broken femur, multiple broken ribs in various states of healing! The poor baby! We were all horrified that we hadn't taken our niggling suspicions more seriously!







What if we had said something earlier?

I have read this thread partly because of morbid curiosity, and partly because it is cathartic to share stories that affect us so strongly. I do feel a bit sorry for the parents who are at the end of their rope and hurt their children, but I feel much worse for the children. The parents are supposed to be the adults - it's their responsibility not to let their own abuse trickle down to their children.

OMG!!! That just hurts so badly!!! How very terrible. Do you know whatever happened to the baby? Was he put with another family? I wonder how he is doing now.


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## AmyAngel (Dec 3, 2004)

I know that the father was ordered to stay away from the kids while being investigated (though we at daycare suspected the MOTHER had more to do with it than the dad). BUT, he was in the car one day with the mom when she came to get them - of course we couldn't let her take them and I believe the police were called. The last I heard the kids were living with their grandmother, still having contact with the parents. That's been a long time ago, and I have no idea how things turned out.


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

I won't go into my students' stories because they are too bad, and I immediately took care of them.

Just wanted to reiterate that I have been affirmed by many of these stories that when I confront a parent about what they are doing, I am certainly doing the right thing. I also hope that more of the posters of this thread are being convicted that they are indeed doing the right thing when they _gently_ try to help a child/parent (ex: "It looks like you have your hands full trying to put your sandles on- can I help put your baby's shoes on his feet so that the sand doesn't burn him?")

I guess I'm either a major buttinsky, or just used to telling parents the whole scoop as I've taught for a couple of years now; but I did used to wonder if it was too much to tell strangers to quit harming their kids. I do feel reaffirmed that I am doing the right thing for me, even if the parent is outraged that I dared tell them to stop whomping on their offspring.

That's what this thread's done for me.

Clara


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

I'm with you, Clara!


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DoulaClara*
I won't go into my students' stories because they are too bad, and I immediately took care of them.

Just wanted to reiterate that I have been affirmed by many of these stories that when I confront a parent about what they are doing, I am certainly doing the right thing. I also hope that more of the posters of this thread are being convicted that they are indeed doing the right thing when they _gently_ try to help a child/parent (ex: "It looks like you have your hands full trying to put your sandles on- can I help put your baby's shoes on his feet so that the sand doesn't burn him?")

I guess I'm either a major buttinsky, or just used to telling parents the whole scoop as I've taught for a couple of years now; but I did used to wonder if it was too much to tell strangers to quit harming their kids. I do feel reaffirmed that I am doing the right thing for me, even if the parent is outraged that I dared tell them to stop whomping on their offspring.

That's what this thread's done for me.

Clara

Ita Clara.
In my case (with the child walking on the hot tar), I was only a teenager, so I didn't know what to do. Now I do and I would say something!


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## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

I wanted to share a story that surprised me in how appropriately the situation was investigated...I expected to be able to do almost nothing...

Years ago, long before marriage and kids, my dh (then boyfriend) and I were walking in a well-populated urban area and heard, from across a sidestreet, a child screaming, clearly in pain. He and I both took off to figure out where it was coming from. We saw, on the other side of the street, a group of four people: an older woman (perhaps the children's grandmother), a baby she was carrying, a young girl holding her hand, and a little boy about four years old walking behind them and screaming. The little boy was screaming "NO!" and it seemed, at first glance, that he was just not wanting to go wherever they were going, but then the grandma turned around and started walking back to him. He ran to a lightpole and wrapped himself around it, arms and legs, and would not let go. The grandma then let go of the toddler, and, still holding the baby, drew her free hand and arm back and smacked the boy in the back of the head with an open hand. She did it so hard that we could hear the boy's forehead SMACK against the pole from ACROSS THE STREET.

He screamed like crazy and the grandma walked away, yelling at him in a language we didn't understand. We watched as she walked away, taking the two other kids with her, and the little boy eventually let go and followed her, crying, to an apartment building. We wrote down the address and walked to a payphone, where we called 1.800.4ACHILD, an abuse-reporting hotline we had heard about.

We told them what we saw, described the kids and the grandma, and expected that was all we'd ever know. Interestingly, a caseworker from the local CPS actually called me a few days later to tell me that he had been to the house to check out the kids. He said he had walked in and the baby had been wearing just a diaper, was very fair skinned, and had no visible marks on her. He talked to the little boy and girl, who spoke very little English, and was convinced that this was either an isolated incident or at worst an uncommon occurence, but that the grandma had been warned that she was reported, and they had scheduled a followup visit in a few months.

I was so glad I'd called. It's not always a futile exercise, and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again.


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## 5thFromHeaven (May 2, 2006)

Hmmmm, why am I reading this??? Because it let's me know that when my heart hurts for someone or something, it means I am normal. MDC let's me read about things and feel things that society closes away and instead forces porn and women as objects on TV down our throats. And so I flip that channel, here I don't need to "flip the channel" here people care!

Years ago, I was looking for a spot to park at a store, I witnessed a man slam his fist through an open car window into a woman's face, knocking her back while her children (3 of them) watched. I was immediately on my way, driving my car at him, by the time I got to a point that he realized what was going to possibly happen, he had hit the little boy across the face knocking him back, for what appeared to be his objections to this man abusing his mother.

I chased the man with my little Nissan across the parking lot, into a ditch, he crossed it, I caught up on the street across from it and chased him into a developement. He hid between apts. I called out to someone out in the front yard to call 911 NOW! and they did, I turned around, went back to the parking lot and got the women and her children, gave my slurpy to the child to put on his now bruised face and took them to the scene of their abuser being arrested after I, ID'd him. They were taken to a shelter and given a safe home and she is now supporting herself, her 3 children and has a wonderful new husband.

Do I regret having gotten involved? %&(( no! Would I do it again, yes! And have done many things similar since and will continue. So for the 10 people that pass by as if nothing is happening, there will always be someone who cares, BUT will it be before or after it is too late? Call me a busy body or whatever, considering, I don't look out to see why the sirens are in my developement, I don't call and tell my friend, "oh did you hear what happen to so-and-so?" I mind my own, but if it's abuse, it's abuse and I draw MY line there. I don't think I would like it if someone, "smacked me in the back of the head" for stepping on their foot, than again I am a lot bigger than a 3-4 year old. Someone has to stand up for them...

My apologies to those I offend and for ranting BUT, I stopped crying a long time ago and got mad instead.

Love to all of you and the children that loose the silent battle and those make it even when no one intercedes.


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## mollyeilis (Mar 6, 2004)

5thfromheaven, your story made me cry in a way the others haven't yet. My mom was a safe haven for her friends and acquaintances in abusive situations, something that sprang from her having been abused by my dad, and having the San Jose police not give a rat's behind about it no matter how many times she called. Even though she still wasn't entirely safe from him (once their marriage was a few years over he stopped that sort of thing, and later marrying a woman almost as tall and strong as him stopped the abuse with him, interestingly) she still opened our door to women needing a short-term place to stay. Not quite the same situation, but from the same place of caring.

*****
My little story just shows how children can get so used to being abused that it's hardly a big deal anymore.

Young 20s brand new to Spartanburg SC for chiropractic school, exploring the "other" side of town to go to WalMart, a place I'd never been to before. While walking up and down the aisles in awe of the number of things all in one place (I swear I lived in a big city! I'd been to a Target! But nothing as big as this WM, and it wasn't, yet, even a "supercenter" WalMart), I heard a smack from another aisle, and then this little boy (I think) saying slowly...."Mama, would you quit beatin' on me?"

Made me sad, it did.


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## 5thFromHeaven (May 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mollyeilis*
and then this little boy (I think) saying slowly...."Mama, would you quit beatin' on me?"

Made me sad, it did.

That made me cry just imagining it. I wish I had been there...

Esmeralda<------Does this make me a vigilante???


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## SunShineSally (Jan 18, 2005)

My story has haunted me for a long time.

My X his brother and a few friends and I were on our way camping and to the renissance (SP?) festivel we stoppe at a Tops close to the camp ground to pick up a few of those "ohh we should have takens' " and we pulled right next to this car (now mind you it is at least 80 and humid to the point of discusting. I look over and see this little girl at the most 2 1/2 years old in a car she was eighter not strapped in her seat or got herself out. She was full of sweat and with curly bleach blond hair stuck to her face pounding on the car window. X and his brother stopped me from trying to take her out of the car. We waited for about a few minutes to se if anyone was coming. No one came. I gort out of our car and told her that it was okay I would go get help. So X's brother and I went in the store while X waited to see if anyone would come and not let them leave. We told the store amnager who just looked at us and said what do you want me to do







I said what do you think call the police there is a baby in a car windows up it is feaking 80 degrees out if you don't want to do it give me the phone! (no one had a cell) so he called and we waited until the police came the mother ofr whoever wa not out by the time they got there but they took the baby out and gave her water. But her little face will never get out of my mind. I never spoke of it after that day it was very helpful and theraputic to get it out I never found out what happened but at least I know that something did happen. I hope she is happy and healthy with someone who truely loves her. I mean she didn't eve have a window cracked for her!

Thanks for the thread
Karen and baby Joe


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## Nora'sMama (Apr 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JA'sMama*
My story has haunted me for a long time.

My X his brother and a few friends and I were on our way camping and to the renissance (SP?) festivel we stoppe at a Tops close to the camp ground to pick up a few of those "ohh we should have takens' " and we pulled right next to this car (now mind you it is at least 80 and humid to the point of discusting. I look over and see this little girl at the most 2 1/2 years old in a car she was eighter not strapped in her seat or got herself out. She was full of sweat and with curly bleach blond hair stuck to her face pounding on the car window. X and his brother stopped me from trying to take her out of the car. We waited for about a few minutes to se if anyone was coming. No one came. I gort out of our car and told her that it was okay I would go get help. So X's brother and I went in the store while X waited to see if anyone would come and not let them leave. We told the store amnager who just looked at us and said what do you want me to do







I said what do you think call the police there is a baby in a car windows up it is feaking 80 degrees out if you don't want to do it give me the phone! (no one had a cell) so he called and we waited until the police came the mother ofr whoever wa not out by the time they got there but they took the baby out and gave her water. But her little face will never get out of my mind. I never spoke of it after that day it was very helpful and theraputic to get it out I never found out what happened but at least I know that something did happen. I hope she is happy and healthy with someone who truely loves her. I mean she didn't eve have a window cracked for her!

Thanks for the thread
Karen and baby Joe

Karen, you very well may have saved that little girl's life.


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## SunShineSally (Jan 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nora'sMama*
Karen, you very well may have saved that little girl's life.

I have thought that a few times. I always wondered if X's brother and I didn't go in that store if anyone else would have done anything. A few people while we waited a few minutes just look at her and walk by not batting an eye














:









Karen and Baby Joe


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

I was not always AP but most here know that. THat I wish I had known about it when my 19 yr old was young. I was parented mainstream and he was for a while too (old thread somewhere where i asked mom WHY didyou do that to me and him and she said because your grandparents did it to me)

Rivka said "I just really don't understand the motivation."

I read threads like this because it reminds me how far I have come and how far I still have to go







And that there are still mamas out there that speak up for the kids that were like me ...


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CerridwenLorelei*
Rivka said "I just really don't understand the motivation."

I read threads like this because it reminds me how far I have come and how far I still have to go







And that there are still mamas out there that speak up for the kids that were like me ...

that embodies the reason I read this thread to......I wasn't raised ap....mum and dad used a few GD techniques, but it was mostly spanking (with an inch thick wooden spoon







which funny enough snapped clear in half on my butt one day) and it reminds me why I want to use GD, and how easily things can escalate from a small spank to other types of abuse.


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## PinkPixie (Apr 28, 2005)

I was at the foodcourt in the mall, and the parents of a 3yo were bribbing him with money to finish his hot dogs???

Huh? I'll bribe you money to eat junk? Please...someone give the child some vegetables!


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## GotKids? (Aug 31, 2005)

Oh my word. My sister & her husband are HORRIBLE. They have two children~ a 4 yo son and a 2 yo daughter. Their daughter (in their eyes) is a perfect little angel and gets no punishment whatsoever. Their son, though. The poor kids. First of all, he's a little stinker. ha ha. BUT that is still no excuse~ they flick him in the mouth/cheek; pull him by his ear; she's told him she's sending him to jail if he doesn't listen; he's always running away from them-- he was almost hit by a car just recently b/c he runs into the street. When he was three he ran off several times. One time he went to my grandparents, which is 4 houses and across a street. They weren't home, so he proceeded about 10 blocks and 7ish streets down to the park before they realized he was even GONE!!!!! That's just the tip of the iceberg. She wants two more kids and I'm hoping her DH sticks to his word, which is no more kids. I can't imagine what they'll be like. (Their daughter acts just the same, and I'm pretty sure she's delayed in some way or another, but they're blinded by it and she's perfect.)







:


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PinkPixie*
I was at the foodcourt in the mall, and the parents of a 3yo were bribbing him with money to finish his hot dogs???

Huh? I'll bribe you money to eat junk? Please...someone give the child some vegetables!

SID kids. You might check the SID threads here and in SN..
its quite possible they were desperate to get *something* even if it wasn't the best nutritionally in him and that was something in the past they could get him to eat. USAmama can give more insight on this. I know you would have cringed at me a few years ago with ds and chicken nuggets but since you wouldn't have known the medical history I wouldn't have cared...







:


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## PeacefulSeams (Apr 10, 2006)

The worst I have seen was when I was in 3rd grade. We lived in some apartments. In the next complex was a lady and her 2 younger daughters. The ONLY thing they were allowed to do was watch tv. They had toys that they were not allowed to play with. She would show them the toys and taunt them. They had to ask permission to even use the bathroom. If they got up from their designated spot in front of the tv, they were hit with a spatula, flyswatter, whatever was handy at the time. You could hear her screaming at them from down the street, that is all she ever did. Her nickname at the apartment complex was screamer. I think I saw them outside only like 4 times the whole year I lived there. The mom was outside all the time. I witnessed this whenever I went over to see if they could play outside with me. She was investigated by child services but nothing was ever done.


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## PinkPixie (Apr 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CerridwenLorelei*
SID kids. You might check the SID threads here and in SN..
its quite possible they were desperate to get *something* even if it wasn't the best nutritionally in him and that was something in the past they could get him to eat.

I'm having trouble finding info on SID because the search engine is dissabled. What does it stand for? I'm interested in finding out more.

I hope the child didn't have a problem. He finally did eat his food and ate ice cream after. I just interpreted the situation from a different point of vue.

Just to mention, this wasn't the Worst thing I've seen , It was just the most surprising. I'm used to seeing people bribe to eat vegetables was all I was saying.


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## lasciate (May 4, 2005)

Sensory Integration Disorder.


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## kgrfcharlton (Oct 24, 2005)

Ok, this wasn't witnessed by me, but some good friends of ours. This happened about 4 years ago. They were parking in a shopping center & see this Jaguar parked w/a baby inside! I think it was spring so heat/cool wasn't the big issue. They didn't know if they should call the police & were just standing next to the car trying to think what to do when a woman walks out of the store & they just knew it was the "mother"! They barely said anything to her & she was SOOO defensive & cursed them as she was leaving! It makes me so mad every time I think about it & so wish they would have called the cops on her!!!







:


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## GranoLLLy-girl (Mar 1, 2005)

this one I can see -some of us felt the same way until we had

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkPixie
I was at the foodcourt in the mall, and the parents of a 3yo were bribbing him with money to finish his hot dogs???

Huh? I'll bribe you money to eat junk? Please...someone give the child some vegetables!

SID kids. You might check the SID threads here and in SN..
its quite possible they were desperate to get *something* even if it wasn't the best nutritionally in him and that was something in the past they could get him to eat. USAmama can give more insight on this. I know you would have cringed at me a few years ago with ds and chicken nuggets but since you wouldn't have known the medical history I wouldn't have cared..."
quote

Thank you for posting this. I could have easily been that parent (though we don't usually go to the mall, and we don't give our kids money). My dd was g-tube fed for a long time. And she is a SID kid (with resolved severe silent reflux) And a hotdog is one of the two or three things that she will actually eat. She's the size of a large two year old and she's four and a half. Most people think she is much younger. And believe me, after a g-tube, I'll take hotdog any day. I used to give her clothes away at the end of each season--I deluded myself into thinking that she would be a size larger the next time the season were to come along. After doing this for a couple of years, I finally had to face reality and keep all of her clothes--I know she will be back in 2 and 3Ts this fall, even as she approaches the age of 5. How bad is it when a parent gives the clothes away in hopes that the child won't need them the next time the season rolls around? That was me!

I didn't read many of these posts, but I have to say that I really have had some bad days that I wish I could have taken back as a parent.
And some of them have been bad days in the public eye--when I could not avoid being in public. Especially during the tube days.
And I don't recall ever feeling such a deep sense shame in my employment (before my children were born and when I was working) when I did something stupid or something that I later regretted as an employee for a company.
But parenting is the one place where people feel like it's OK to shame or degrade a parent (especially a mother!) for something that they've done.
Granted, some of these situations are probably really bad (I haven't read them all, just a couple here and there), but sometimes I don't think that as parents we (meaning anyone "we") don't know what to do to correct ourselves so that we can do better. I love the Oprah comment: when you know better, you do better.
Yes, there are books and classes that you can take to improve your parenting skills, but there are so many mixed messages thrown out there (CIO, don't CIO, spank, don't spank, etc.) that parents (especially those are ill-equipped with life skills in general) may not know what to do, how to start, and how to be consistent in their approach to raising their children.
Some of these people came from poor role models and are repeating what they know. That seems to be what happens with many people when they find themselves in situations in which they do not have the skills to change the outcome.
I am not saying that people should not be held accountable for what they do--I just sometimes think that we all have such high expectations for what others should do (without knowing their life skill level, common sense level, emotional IQ, etc.) that we sometimes forget that MOST parents (even the really bad ones) are really doing the best they can.

Anyway--it's that same tone that I see in the posts of feeding kids junk food, etc. Come to my house, and g-tube feed my kid for a few years (which is lovely if you have to do it in public; God forbid you should see the horrible looks people give you--I don't know if they aren't sure what they are seeing or just horrified at seeing a kid with a tube sticking out of their tummy) and then post away about how bad I am as a parent because I'm so happy when my kid eats a hotdog and a few tortilla chips. And I call it a good meal!


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## illinoismommy (Apr 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Joannarachel*
Pre-child, I was at a BBQ with a bunch of DOCTORS. There was a woman and her husband there, both doctors, with their ten month old baby. DID I MENTION THEY WERE DOCTORS?!?!?!

When they were getting ready to leave, one of the other people asked how the baby does in his car seat on the way home, and the mother (WHO, IN CASE I FORGOT TO MENTION, IS A DOCTOR), responded, "Oh, he's fine, I just nurse him while DH drives and when he falls alseep I put him in the carseat."

DID I MENTION THEY WERE BOTH DOCTORS?!?







:

Hehe.... I just want to say that some blessed women can sit in the backseat with their child in the carseat and breastfeed just by leaning over the carseat. I can't do it (not blessed) but I've heard about it.


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## bamamom (Dec 9, 2004)

glad to see that this post has come so far! I was really interested in finding out what you knew about older nurslings!


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## kgrfcharlton (Oct 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyAngel*
THEN... Dad heated the baby's bottle WAY too hot and gave it to him anyway, scalding his throat. They went to the ER, of course, and in the course of things (I suspect the doctors must have had their suspicions raised), they took x-rays of the baby. Broken collarbone, broken femur, multiple broken ribs in various states of healing! The poor baby! We were all horrified that we hadn't taken our niggling suspicions more seriously!







What if we had said something earlier?

I have been so sad reading this thread...so sad, but this one is the one that has really really upset me. I have struggled w/PPD & have not just yelled but screamed at my sweet, little dd. I have sought help (I knew where to get it) & will still yell sometimes, but it has gotten so much better. It is just so sad to me, b/c I can see me in these some of these people. Some of them don't want help I'm sure, but some of them don't know getting help is an option and don't know where to turn and they just keep taking it to another level much to the harm of their little ones. I am all for intervention, I think it can make all the difference in the world!


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## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *papayapetunia*
I saw a series of shocking events one day, a day that I like to call "My Hell." I ran into a girl that I used to be friends with a long time ago. She had four kids. I had one. We made plans to go to this children's museum. Against my better judgment, she convinced me and dd to ride in their mini-van. So I was trapped listening to Christian contemporary music with a bunch of screaming kids for much of the day. My friend just turns up the music when the kids get loud and she sings along.

But this is all beside the point. She decided to stop at McDonald's, which I don't really do, but whatever. She ordered one large Coke for the 2yo, 3yo, and 6yo to share, along with burgers and fries.

The kids were playing on the filthy disgusting play area, and she called her kids to come eat, threatening them with spankings if they didn't listen right away.

When she finished breastfeeding her 9mo, she started feeding him a burger and gave him sips of the Coke too. Gross.

But then. Then. The kids went to play again, and all I wanted to do was leave. The only reason we got to leave after 45 minutes was because the 2yo peed at the top of the jungle gym. Even though it was pouring down all over the place, she rushed the kids out to the car to leave without telling anyone what had happened.

I tried to fake a headache so I could go home, but she says, "Oh here, I have Advil." I don't remember how I fnally got out of there, but I will never ride in someone else's mini-van ever again.

Other than pee-ing in the tubes and not telling, this doesn't seem so bad to me.


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## Threefold (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *illinoismommy*
Hehe.... I just want to say that some blessed women can sit in the backseat with their child in the carseat and breastfeed just by leaning over the carseat. I can't do it (not blessed) but I've heard about it.









I can and did














until I found out that







a carseat cannot withstand the impact of a crash with an adult's weight leaning into it. Maybe not so blessed afterall.


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## jaynejohnson (Jun 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maria423*
I was in a store and a mother was yelling at her toddler (maybe around 2 years old), shouting, "Shut the fu*k up! Just shut the fu*k up!" over and over again.

I just witnessed this behavior on Saturday as we were walking through the mall. A little boy under 2 was being carried by his father and mom was walking along side telling him to shut the ef up through gritted teeth.

Jayne


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## jaynejohnson (Jun 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mz_libbie22*
Parents letting their young kids wander around on their own .

I see this all of the time. I live in the Orlando area (can you say crowded). I see children wandering around without adults quite frequently.

Jayne


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

of the pearls book. It sounds exactly like some of their
"training" methods.
Pink pixie I forgot the search was disabled. I will go look in a bit and see what I can dig up


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz...n_disorder.jsp

http://www.incrediblehorizons.com/se...ntegration.htm

These are not from our sn forum here -i need a little more time to figure out another way to search.

I can tell you a bit about my son. He can't standeating green things-to him he can literally "feel" the colour. To him it has a certain texture
And textures of certain foods are a problem.
Have you have seen those hanes socks with the red lines? He can feel those lines. As the OT put "to you and me they are just red line thread in a sock. To him they are something pushing into his skin making him wanting to jump out of it"
There's more but I am too tired to be coherent.


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## merrick (Dec 8, 2003)

I was at McDonalds not too long ago (I know, bad enough in and of itself) where I saw a boy who looked to be probably around 8 years old. He was extremely heavy (more than baby fat, he was obese) and was with two women, I'm guessing mom and grandma, who were also severely, I would even say morbidly, obese. They sat down with their food outside by the playplace. The boy wanted to go play, but the women told him he had to finish all his food first!







: I'm just like, let the kid play!!!


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CerridwenLorelei*
http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz...n_disorder.jsp

http://www.incrediblehorizons.com/se...ntegration.htm

These are not from our sn forum here -i need a little more time to figure out another way to search.

I can tell you a bit about my son. He can't standeating green things-to him he can literally "feel" the colour. To him it has a certain texture
And textures of certain foods are a problem.
Have you have seen those hanes socks with the red lines? He can feel those lines. As the OT put "to you and me they are just red line thread in a sock. To him they are something pushing into his skin making him wanting to jump out of it"
There's more but I am too tired to be coherent.

the seams of socks make me sooooooooooooo mad, I hate wearing socks, i hate tags on clothes, seams in underwear and pants lol i to cant do some textures of food, i gag at the texture.

i wonder if i have a mild form of it but was never diagnosed.


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## LeslieB (Feb 17, 2006)

Dh and I were at the movies when I was still pregnant. This couple was sitting a few rows back from us with a baby (my guess is 6-8 months old; not really sure) in a stroller. Every time the baby started to cry they would yell at him to "Shut up!" and then they would slap him. It was horrible.


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
This reminds me of a friend of mine. Her mom and stepdad asked her, when she was 17, to be a surrogate for them so they could have a new baby. She didn't tell anybody until she was 31, because she didn't think anyone would believe her. I'm the only one she ever told. I know her mom and stepdad, and I'm not even surprised...

that happend to someone i knew in middle school, but her mom held her while her stepdad raped her







she was taken by social sevices, thankfully, i never knew if she actually got pregnant though.... she was about 13


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

I'm glad this thread is here. It is good to discuss these situations. In the olden days the general rule was to not interfere in other peoples' parenting which allowed allowed of abuse continue. Sometimes you have to interfere. I don't care what happened in someone's past...that doesn't justify abuse. I am not talking about having a bad day and yelling or ignoring your kid. As we all know, being a parent is hard work and some days are easier than others. But there is a difference to me of a parent shouting "stop it!" and swearing or beating them. I don't consider someone giving their kid a hot dog or pop or maybe even a spank abusive but I think there is a difference between judging another parent with a smug "I am sooo much better than her because of xyz" than seeing actual abuse and calling someone on it. i'm sure we all agree that there is no excuse for beating a child, etc. People sometimes, myself included, have not always said something because society teaches us to mind our own business(unless, God forbid, someone nurses in public)and to not offend anyone but it is more important in my opinion to risk making someone mad than to do nothing....it's my business because these abused kids will grow up thinking they deserve no better and may date my child and treat her the same.







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: lol Julia did those


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## hajenkatt (Jul 10, 2005)

Not the worst, but recently:

A work colleague told me that when she left her 18 month-old son with his father for the weekend that he looked at the little boy, held up three diapers and told him, "Now be careful. Yow know that these are the only diapers you get until tomorrow."

She tried to tell me he was kidding with the boy. But she didn't look all that convinced when she said it to me. The whole thing made me sick to my stomach.


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## arlecchina (Jul 25, 2006)

worst I've seen:

baby daddy's last gf: would lock her two year old in her room nightly at 8 pm and proceed to drink with her friends, ignoring the daughter screaming and pounding on the door over the music.

neighbor upstairs from the same period of time: called friend. "come watch my kid, I'm going out". friend is tired of this and says no. she she leaves her 3 year old home alone and brags about it at the bar. the BAR called the cops, cops took her home to verify the kid was alone. he was. they removed him. last I heard she hadnt gotten him back.

edit: not sure this counts cause I didnt SEE it but if it counts, it's pretty bad.

old friend. has daughter he never sees (him and momma fight alot). momma calls friend and says "my bf was molesting our daughter, she's got genital warts because of it". that's how they found out, she took the kid to the dr, daughter has warts and momma doesnt recognise it, takes her to the dr, and lo and behold bf has a case too. so CPS investigates, BF is gone at the time, then after that SHE GETS BACK WITH THE GUY. Friend (who is the father) says well that sucks. I was like...CHRIST DO SOMETHING! friend says like what? god will punish him for it.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *arlecchina*
worst I've seen:

baby daddy's last gf: would lock her two year old in her room nightly at 8 pm and proceed to drink with her friends, ignoring the daughter screaming and pounding on the door over the music.

neighbor upstairs from the same period of time: called friend. "come watch my kid, I'm going out". friend is tired of this and says no. she she leaves her 3 year old home alone and brags about it at the bar. the BAR called the cops, cops took her home to verify the kid was alone. he was. they removed him. last I heard she hadnt gotten him back.

edit: not sure this counts cause I didnt SEE it but if it counts, it's pretty bad.

old friend. has daughter he never sees (him and momma fight alot). momma calls friend and says "my bf was molesting our daughter, she's got genital warts because of it". that's how they found out, she took the kid to the dr, daughter has warts and momma doesnt recognise it, takes her to the dr, and lo and behold bf has a case too. so CPS investigates, BF is gone at the time, then after that SHE GETS BACK WITH THE GUY. Friend (who is the father) says well that sucks. I was like...CHRIST DO SOMETHING! friend says like what? god will punish him for it.





































That is some of the most horrible things I have EVER EVER EVER heard...that mother who was aware that her bf molested her daughter...then GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM...I'm sorry but she should not have had custody of that child. Period. Some people just should not be parents. Yes, that's harsh..but that child is going to have to live with a sexually transmitted disease for the rest of her life! Did her mother ever think about that? Or how that will affect any future relationships? I'm going to go throw up right about now.


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## Ellp (Nov 18, 2004)

I read this thread to remind me that there are horrible things that go on and that I may be shocked but I need to do something if ever I see something happen with my own eyes.

My worst experiences were:

When I was a student nurse, I did a rotation at a Peds ward where there there was a 9mo boy who had a body cast on from arm pits to ankles. His mother had thrown him against the wall, and he had broken ribs, a hip and a femur (thigh bone).

I was once on a 2 hr ferry ride where the ferry was so crowded that folks were sitting on the floor as there weren't any seats left. A mother and her 2 daughters, one about 15, and the other about 11-12, were arguing as they had just came back from the gift shop and the younger girl had wanted something that her mother wouldn't buy for her. The girl kept nagging at her mother and tugging on her sleeve. Then out of nowhere, the mother slaps her hard across the face. If you can imagine a confined space with about 300 people all shocked into silence... Mouths were agape. The girl started wailing and howling loudly and the mother got all embarassed and dragged the girls down to the car park to hide. A couple of fellow passengers followed them to make sure that things didn't get out of hand.

An aquaintence of mine who I just met about 2 months ago gives her 2yr old chocolate milk instead of regular milk because she says that her Dd won't drink anything else. She gets CM with every meal. The mother also, when we went out to dinner once, ordered a ice cream sundae for her Dd when dinner didn't arrive soon enough to stop Dd from fussing!


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

OMG, it's amazing how much awfulness is out there. If it serves no other purpose, this thread has motivated me to give my dd a few extra kisses today.

The worst thing I've ever seen: a group of adults and kids walking down the street near my apartment. The adults are all talking at the top of their lungs. One of the kids, a boy around 4 or 5, runs a little bit ahead of the adults (not dangerously far and not close to intersection or anything) and starts calling back to some of the other kids. One of the women responds by screaming, at the top of her lungs, "Get your a$$ back here and shut the f*ck up!"







The ironic thing was that the adults were the ones making all the noise.


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## arlecchina (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelpie545*



































That is some of the most horrible things I have EVER EVER EVER heard...that mother who was aware that her bf molested her daughter...then GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM...I'm sorry but she should not have had custody of that child. Period. Some people just should not be parents. Yes, that's harsh..but that child is going to have to live with a sexually transmitted disease for the rest of her life! Did her mother ever think about that? Or how that will affect any future relationships? I'm going to go throw up right about now.


yeah I was horribly shocked. I dont know the mother, and I cant grasp it, but the fact neither parent seemed too concerned just blew my mind. CPS in this area unfortunately legitimately has its hand full.


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## janellesmommy (Jun 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FrozenMommy*
one of the moms came in with her baby's bottle (the baby was around 3 mo. old), and proceeded to FILL IT UP WITH COKE - yes, that's COCA-COLA - and give it to her baby!

I actually saw a pediatrician (not mine, LOL) fill up his 1 year old's bottle with coke.


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## LadyMarmalade (May 22, 2005)

Last night I saw a 2 week old baby being subjected to crying it out. I saw a child getting hit with a wooden spoon recently too - he was being defiant and his mother wanted to teach him a lesson. Every time he said 'no' he got whacked. He was 2.

It's not the worst I've ever seen, but it's the most recent.


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