# People who are not pro-active about their lives...



## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

I hope this is in the right forum, but how do you deal with people who are not pro-active about their lives?

I have been encountering the "because my doctor told me so" mentality a lot lately. Sometimes it's just not possible to cut the person out of my life, but at the same time I have NO use for people who blindly walk through life doing what Mainstream professionals tell them to do.

And it isn't so much about parenting, but I do see it a lot with other mothers (especially new ones), but people in general. Some people just don't seem to want to be in control of their lives!!

What do I do??


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## MountainLaurel (Dec 17, 2005)

I have dealt with this issue somewhat with my mother, who will hit 60 this year but has yet to grow a spine. She has done (or not taken action to fix) many things that make her unhappy: not divorcing my father, taking care of her mother for 30 years while her brothers get off scot-free, not taking care of her own health, staying in miserable, dead-end jobs. Yet, she likes to complain of all these miseries incessantly. My approach has been to stop her when she starts talking about it and telling her that unless she's taken steps to deal with the problem, I don't want to hear about it.

As for your situation more specifically, I'm a librarian by trade, so I'm always trying to provide more information to people in my life like that, hoping at least a bit of it would sink in.


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## tamagotchi (Oct 16, 2005)

I think that some people really don't want to fix problems in their lives or take control of their own lives, because they are afraid of what might happen if they did. They are afraid of failure, or afraid of being the one responsible if something goes wrong.

For example, I'm thinking of friends of mine who have stayed in dead end jobs that they hate... I think it's scary for them to think about really getting the job they always wanted, because they might hate it or fail at it. They feel safer being miserable, and being able to say that "if only I had the other job, my life would be great."

Or a cousin of ours who is formula feeding her preemie because "the doctor said to" (!) and then complains that formula gives the baby reflux, so they just give zantac, even though baby was doing fine on her breastmilk before (!) ... well, it's easier for her because she can just lay blame on the doctor for any problems. If she did something different from what the doctor said, any problems would be her "fault."


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## gabysmom617 (Nov 26, 2005)

oh, I absolutely hate the "doctor told me to" attitude. back home where I used to live, this mentality has actually killed a few of the older people I know who had no other access to information. It's a small country town, very old fashioned. My aunt is included, she passed in august.

i absolutely will not take some word a doctor says about myself or my family until I jump on the internet and find out about our symptoms myself, to see if things seem to line up with what he says. I so much wish that more people would do the same.


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## peachymomma (Jun 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
I hope this is in the right forum, but how do you deal with people who are not pro-active about their lives?

I have been encountering the "because my doctor told me so" mentality a lot lately. Sometimes it's just not possible to cut the person out of my life, but at the same time I have NO use for people who blindly walk through life doing what Mainstream professionals tell them to do.

And it isn't so much about parenting, but I do see it a lot with other mothers (especially new ones), but people in general. Some people just don't seem to want to be in control of their lives!!

What do I do??

I have been feeling alot like like this lately! It drives me CrAzY!
Hope this helps http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q...omma/9-1-1.gif


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## gothnurse3 (Dec 13, 2006)

As a practicing critical care nurse.......you have to handle up on yourself. I confronted my mom yesterday. You have to loose 50 pounds, quit drinking alcohol everyday, and get off your lazy butt and MOVE THAT BODY!!!!!! I was scared to death but she acts like a 90 year old but she is 55. I told her I was sick of hearing about her "health Problems" because she does nothing to help herself and takes 15 different meds a day because her doctors tell her to. I also suggested that she see a homeopathic person to help her with her allergies and drop the polypharmacy(too many drugs) situation. She is always attention seeking. THis took place in the ER while I was getting an IV because I have a kidney infection so servere that I needed IV antibotics.







: Sorry to sound so cold this is a real drama issue in my life.


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## ChrisCountryGirl (Dec 8, 2004)

I've noticed too. It's sad when people that type of mentality. People should go with their institution and be confidence in researching other options


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

I was actually lectured by a woman I work with because I research the decisions I make for my health and for DS. She said I should stop researching and just do what everyone else does. She actually said this to my face! I laughed at her. Of course, this is the same woman who constantly ridicules my religion, says DS is spoiled because I don't let him CIO or spank him, and said that DS went through a growth spurt during my business trip because he wasn't nursing (the whole 2 minutes every other day he was nursing was preventing him from growing apparently!).


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

My inlaws are very educated, intelligent people - but they're passive.

I tend to feel as if they look at me like someone making a mountain out of a mole hill for simple things (in my mind) like not vaxing, refusing to circ, no more well baby visits, and extended breastfeeding.

As far as my family - they believe doctors are god, and will take their word and run with it. My father is on probably a dozen medications - and my mother? Probably 2 dozen. Both of them are very sickly hypocondriacs.

Blah. Can't think. Stomach flu.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

One of my girlfriends is this way... its like she's a spectator in her own life. Makes me nuts. I'm much more apt to jump up and change things.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

Mandy, did that woman not HEAR herself and bust out laughing at the ridiculousness of her statement?

Ugh... all I can say to this whole thread is: sing it, sisters!


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *St. Margaret* 
Mandy, did that woman not HEAR herself and bust out laughing at the ridiculousness of her statement?

Trust me, that's not even the worst I've heard from her! Thankfully, I found out yesterday that she's got a new job so she's leaving! Party time!


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)




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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
I was actually lectured by a woman I work with because I research the decisions I make for my health and for DS. She said I should stop researching and just do what everyone else does. She actually said this to my face! I laughed at her. Of course, this is the same woman who constantly ridicules my religion, says DS is spoiled because I don't let him CIO or spank him, and said that DS went through a growth spurt during my business trip because he wasn't nursing (the whole 2 minutes every other day he was nursing was preventing him from growing apparently!).

My dad is almost 70 and he's very much still believes in "do what the dr says". I understand where he's coming from, but after 6 years of my parenting, he's starting to come around. I didn't know how much until my sister got pg and my dad was like "she's not doing any reading, she's only listening to other people and the damn dr!!". I think so many people don't understand that a dr isn't your best advocate, YOU ARE! I had no idea how little my dr was there for me until after I had my ds, then I learned that I needed to take charge of my healthcare and his. I think a lot of times it takes a bad experience (like an "emergency" csection) to realize you need to take charge.


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## cdmaze (Nov 15, 2005)

Ugh! my in-laws- they are not only not pro-active- they are counter active.

It seems they do nothing but make choices to make their lives complicated, tragic, etc. They are chronically sick but make horribe health and nutrition choices.

Then they act like the world is against them. The truth is- THEY are against them. They are impervious to any positive influence.

I'm just gonna have to write a book about them- truth is stranger than fiction.


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
I hope this is in the right forum, but how do you deal with people who are not pro-active about their lives?
...
What do I do??

The simple truth is that if you're not aware that you have choices, you don't have to take responsibility for the choices you make. And some people prefer it that way, unfortunately.
It's frustrating to watch, I know.


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## PareMesAlt (Aug 28, 2003)

My dad is mostly like that. He had this back problem, and was going from doctor to doctor looking for a fix, and nothing worked. I suggest Tai Chi. Surprisingly he started a senior yoga class, and says it helps a little.

Two years ago, he had a little epiphany about following the doctor's advice. He was having prostrate problems, and the urologist suggest a little microwave therapy. The doctor did the procedure, and overcooked him, and destroyed his sphincter muscle that controls the uretha







: ! He had to have an artificial sphinter put in, which requires him to push a button under the skin, when he has to urinate.

A lesson learned the hard way.


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## mykidsmyworld (Jan 18, 2007)

I have a friend who will not question the medical community or government congress etc.....
It drives me crazy to the point where I am not sure I can be friends with her anymore.. i to hve NO room for these people!
She does not even want to THINK that there is any other way than following the herd...
Everything she reads in the paper or hears on the new or what her doctor tells her has to be right, there is no questioning it!








:
She tells me to stop "surfing" the net and to stop reading b/c it is all a bunch of nonsense.....








it just makes me so mad that people do not take their family and health into their own hands.....


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

Well - I can answer so far as pregnancy and childbirth goes. I have a fair amount of education. I'm an attorney - so being assertive is a job requirement. Yet, when it came to my pregnancies and childbirth . . . I totally "did what I was told". I think its a combo of 1) my mothers expectations, 2) feeling very intimidated by the medical community (I have no idea why??), and 3) being raised that doctors always know best.

I've changed so much since then . . .and I struggle watching others do what I did. Most recently watching my sil get induced at 35 weeks with a singleton, ending up with a c-section, and a baby in the nicu with respiratory apnea, negatively affecting her bf relationship which is still yet to fully recover . . .

Oh well - biggest factor as I read through this - #3 - being raised to truly trust doctors and their decisions.


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