# Recommend Bringing up Boys?



## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

A non-mother, christain woman I work with gave me the book Bringing up Boys by Dr. Dobson of focus on the family. I am a tad leary of christian-based parenting books, but wanted to know if anyone here recommends or highly not recommends this book. I haven't even opened the book yet.... I don't know if it will correspond to my efforts in GD, if I should donate it, or if I should toss it all together... any advice would be helpful.


----------



## sistermama (May 6, 2003)

Eeeek!!! Its James Dobson...that should say enough. Toss it!!!


----------



## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

I've never read anything by Dobson..... is he eeeeeeeeevil? :LOL


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

OK, so I don't like Dobson either....however out of curosity, I had to read it. Simply because I am the mom of FIVE boys...

Parts are OK....others simply suck.

Now....if you are a die hard GD, AP, etc....this book is not for you...kwim...

HTH


----------



## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HaveWool~Will Felt*
Parts are OK....others simply suck.

Thanks - this is what I imagined. I read a lot of GD/AP parenting books (I'm a nerd, I know - I took one look at the book list on this site and bought half of them) and when presented with this particular book, I was told to just give it a read and take any advice I thought I was worthwhile and take the rest with a grain of salt. I was just making sure there isn't anything particularly harmful in this book (like, say, Ezzo-isms) that might make me question my parenting style, etc.

thanks!

Anyone else have any further comments?


----------



## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

i loathe Dobson...i'd toss it. or burn it. LOL


----------



## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I would pay for shipping if you would be willing to send it to me. I would like to check it out.


----------



## Super Pickle (Apr 29, 2002)

Well, it was definitely not all it was hyped up to be before it came out. I was pretty disappointed. His style is annoying and he just doesn't write very intelligently. The content isn't horrible (though it is not exactly in line with what most of us AP/GD'ers believe) but why waste your time?
The one thing I liked about it was that it affirmed that boys are different from girls and that their differences should be respected and celebrated. Defend and rejoice in your boy's boyishness.


----------



## Super Pickle (Apr 29, 2002)

Wanted to add:

1. You and your son are beautiful, Daffodil!

and

2. Don't you just _loooove_ it when childless people give you child-rearing books?


----------



## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

My father gave me that book. It is garbage!

On the discipline front he starts out recounting a charming story of a mother and toddler at the grocery store. The toddler has a tantrum about not getting something, and the mother tells him that when they get home he will be spanked. Dobson is so impressed by her method that he goes over to commend her on what a good mother she is. uke

I won't even go into the chapter on how to keep from turning your son into a homosexual.









I don't know what redeeming qualities one could extract from this piece of garbage.


----------



## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle*
Wanted to add:

1. You and your son are beautiful, Daffodil!

and

2. Don't you just _loooove_ it when childless people give you child-rearing books?









1. Thanks!







I think my boy is simply gorgeous, but I'm his mommy so I know I'm biased. :LOL

2. Riiiiiiiiiiiight - this particular woman is in her 50's, has never had a child, and just cannot comprehend that a young thing like me could possibly have any clue how to raise a boy (or any child for that matter). Slighly off topic, this woman also suggested to me when I was pregnant that I should give my child up for adoption to a good, christain family (implying what? that I'm not good enough, christian enough to raise a child??







: )

AngelBee - I tried to PM you, but your msg box is too full...


----------



## SRHS (Jan 9, 2003)

I don't read Dobson, but I like Micheal Gurian and William Pollack For good books about Boys.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD SOMEONE SUGGEST YOU GIVE UP YOUR BABY FOR ADOPTION??? (Assuming this wasn't an option you discussed with her) Maybe its a good thing that woman has no children, she sounds a bit off her rockers to me!!!

Susan


----------



## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SRHS*
WHY ON EARTH WOULD SOMEONE SUGGEST YOU GIVE UP YOUR BABY FOR ADOPTION??? (Assuming this wasn't an option you discussed with her) Maybe its a good thing that woman has no children, she sounds a bit off her rockers to me!!!

Susan

I wasn't married (and still am not) when I got pregnant.







:


----------



## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ExuberantDaffodil*
I wasn't married (and still am not) when I got pregnant.







:

I was told the same thing when pg with ds1 and also not married.









Sorry about my pm box. You can email me if you want at [email protected]


----------



## SRHS (Jan 9, 2003)

Same here...had my first as a single mom....nobody suggested I give him up for adoption. Maybe I was older, I was 25 at the time. I'm married now, but I was totally comfortable and confident raising my son by myself....so you go girl!!!


----------



## AmandaBL (Aug 3, 2004)

If you want a boy book, try "the wonder of boys"

The dobson one is crap - I read it. The chapter about how to insure your son doesn't become gay, especially if he's exhibiting "pre-homosexual tendancies" would have been funny if it wasn't so disturbingly sick.


----------



## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Dobson um, yikes.

I can however recommend _Raising Cain._ It's good and all too truthful. I kept having to ask DH, "does this stuff really happen?" In the end however, there is hope and things we can do to help connect with boys and help them grow naturally. _Playful Parenting_ by Lawrence Cohen also go far in his book about how we can connect with boys.

In addition, I recently read _Hold On To Your Kids_ (why parents need to matter more than peers) by Gordon Neufeld. It's not specifically a boy book, but because it does talk extensively about, and what we can do about peer orientation in our kids, I've found it incredibly valuable.

The best,
Em


----------



## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

While not as bad as Ezzo et al, Dobson is definitely not AP/GD by any stretch of the imagination. He is pro-punishment, including spanking, and nearly obsessed with making sure that moms don't do any of the things he claims turn boys gay. That's right -- its all the parent's fault, especially mom. As others have said, there are much better books out there and I can't imagine anyone who has read any other parenting book would find anything of value in this one. A waste of your time.


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I second The Wonder of Boys and Raising Cain....both very good.
I also really love Spiritual Parenting.


----------



## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

My DH read Raising Cain before I looked at it. We both really like it.

Dobson scared the crap out of me, personally. Why read a book that you know will cause you to spend more than half your time trying erase the information from your brain? Why not read one that is positive start to finish? Here is a Dobson sample:

http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/DobsonsDog.html


----------



## Village Mama (Jul 22, 2004)

Oh yuck! A mom here has been trying to lend me those books as well. She is bothered that my 4 year old and two year old love dolls (which I make) and always choose the pink bike at playgroup and make dinner in the playkitchen.Small town, and I know people talk about it. "boys are supposed to be aggressive" they tell me!







Now I know my instincts were right!


----------



## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey's mom*
My father gave me that book. It is garbage!

On the discipline front he starts out recounting a charming story of a mother and toddler at the grocery store. The toddler has a tantrum about not getting something, and the mother tells him that when they get home he will be spanked. Dobson is so impressed by her method that he goes over to commend her on what a good mother she is. uke

*I won't even go into the chapter on how to keep from turning your son into a homosexual*.









I don't know what redeeming qualities one could extract from this piece of garbage.


I actually watched the videos for a class I was taking....It was SO SO SO SO hard to bite my tongue. I had a really hard time with most of the things that he said.


----------



## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

The book is Yucky, IMO but I have recommended to a few Christian people over EZZO and Pearls. They wouldn't read anything non-Christian. Out of those three he is the lesser of evils.

I would highly recommend "The Wonder of Boys" by Michael Gurian.


----------



## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom*
The book is Yucky, IMO but I have recommended to a few Christian people over EZZO and Pearls. They wouldn't read anything non-Christian. Out of those three he is the lesser of evils..

Doesn't Sears have anything comparable? Seems like he would be even a better option.


----------



## chicagomom (Dec 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ExuberantDaffodil*
Slighly off topic, this woman also suggested to me when I was pregnant that I should give my child up for adoption to a good, christain family











I would ask her if that's what she did with her babies.

I've read this book and would summarize it thusly:

"Boys are hard to handle, and parenting is a power struggle, so it's best to hit and threaten them a lot while they're small and still afraid of you."

One of the things I like least about Dobson books is that they're just absolutely *chock full* of awful sexual stereotypes, and this book is no exception. Yuck.


----------



## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom*
Doesn't Sears have anything comparable? Seems like he would be even a better option.

Yes, he does

https://www.askdrsears.com/store/detail.asp?pid=16


----------



## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Because of being Ezzofide (although questioning him) they wouldn't read anything from Sears







They were leaning towards Pearls. In one case.

The other cases I didn't know Sears had written a Christian based book.


----------



## Eli's_mom (Jan 1, 2005)

I am a Christian and I am so saddened that the general concensus is that Christian parenting books offer bad advice. It should be the opposite. Jesus is all about love and that should be reflected in a Christian's parenting style....especially if you're going to write a book about it. Hopefully this kind of parenting that Dobson recommends will phase out with more people turning to GD and AP. I hope no one gives me any of Dobson's books!!


----------



## corwinegall (Jul 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle*
Wanted to add:

1. You and your son are beautiful, Daffodil!

and

2. Don't you just _loooove_ it when childless people give you child-rearing books?









Good gosh, no kidding.


----------



## HoneymoonBaby (Mar 31, 2004)

There's a book called "Heartfelt Discipline" by Clay Clarkson that is really good, although not completely boy centered. It's Christian and pro-GD.


----------



## sagira (Mar 8, 2003)

Specifically for boys, I recommend Real Boys by William Pollack.

Discipline in general, Dr. Sears' Discipline book and Grace-based Discipline for Christians (I'm a Catholic).

I really did not like Dr. Dobson's book Bringing up Boys and felt sad when he advocated the "necessary separation" of mother and son in favor of dad









No way! Boys need their mothers! As much and sometimes even more than their dads!


----------



## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sagira*
Specifically for boys, I recommend Real Boys by William Pollack.

Discipline in general, Dr. Sears' Discipline book and Grace-based Discipline for Christians (I'm a Catholic).

I really did not like Dr. Dobson's book Bringing up Boys and felt sad when he advocated the "necessary separation" of mother and son in favor of dad









No way! Boys need their mothers! As much and sometimes even more than their dads!

Thanks for the recomendations.









I was a little upset over the favor of the boys relationship with the father over the mother. I am a single mom who is trying her best to do all I can for my boy - his dad walked out on me 12 weeks into my pregnancy and acted very cowardly in many parenting decisions. I can't think that my boy needs to be taken from me and given to a father like that...

I read Dr. Sears dicipline book, and liked it.... I even photo-copied the section for fathers and gave it to DS's dad. (because I am all in favor of DS knowing who his father is)

Off to go find Real Boys....


----------



## Wabi Sabi (Dec 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom*
Because of being Ezzofide (although questioning him) they wouldn't read anything from Sears







They were leaning towards Pearls. In one case.

The other cases I didn't know Sears had written a Christian based book.









I have a neighbor who is really into the whole Dobson/Ezzo junk. I gave her a copy of the Sear's Christian parenting book last week hoping that the religious aspect of it would appeal to her. No more than 20 minutes after dropping the book off at her house she called me to say she had skimmed through a few things and found it "too radical."







:

I did actually borrow her copy of "Bringing Up Boys" just to get a better feel for her approach to parenting and to see what all of the fuss is about. Let's just say that even as a 100% heterosexual female I am deeply offended by his views of homosexuality and the emasculinization (sp?) of boys, not to mention the "touching" stories of mamas spanknig their children.


----------



## falcon (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sagira*
Specifically for boys, I recommend Real Boys by William Pollack.

Discipline in general, Dr. Sears' Discipline book and Grace-based Discipline for Christians (I'm a Catholic).

I really did not like Dr. Dobson's book Bringing up Boys and felt sad when he advocated the "necessary separation" of mother and son in favor of dad









No way! Boys need their mothers! As much and sometimes even more than their dads!

I thought Real Boys was a really terrific read too







my favorite book for parents of boys so far


----------



## Raynbow (Aug 2, 2004)

Burn it... and I'm very anti-censorship, but that man has no business being around children, no less giving advice on how to raise children.


----------



## Raynbow (Aug 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmandaBL*
If you want a boy book, try "the wonder of boys"

The dobson one is crap - I read it. The chapter about how to insure your son doesn't become gay, especially if he's exhibiting "pre-homosexual tendancies" would have been funny if it wasn't so disturbingly sick.


Gee, I have a picture of my 2.5 yr old son in pink high heels... shall I send it to him and ask him if he thinks that is proof of "tendancies"?


----------



## melixxa (May 20, 2003)

My mom gave me the Dobson book after my first son was born. I can only figure that she has NO idea about the content - she doesn't read - probably heard the book praised on Dr. Phil or something. I mean, my mom is pretty conservative, but she does have a gay son (her favorite! if she were allowed to have favorites among us) and a gay granddaughter, whom she ADORES. Also, her best friend is, like, the former choir director from her church, also gay.

Anyway, I was very conflicted about what to do with the book. I am VERY strongly anti-censorship and so could not conscience burning or otherwise destroying the thing. And I can't sell it to a used bookstore because that would be like spreading evil in the world, LOL. It sat on my shelf for quite some time. Then I decided to alter it.

http://www.alteredbookartists.com/

The theme of the anti-gay pages is sort of a Rocky Horror/Frankenfurter thing, with lots of frills and furbelows as well as a nice parade of cross-dressers throughout. I'm pretty pleased with the book now, though I think it might take years (the years I spend raising my two sons perhaps?) to finish my little work of art ....


----------



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *melixxa*
Anyway, I was very conflicted about what to do with the book. I am VERY strongly anti-censorship and so could not conscience burning or otherwise destroying the thing. And I can't sell it to a used bookstore because that would be like spreading evil in the world, LOL. It sat on my shelf for quite some time. Then I decided to alter it.

http://www.alteredbookartists.com/

The theme of the anti-gay pages is sort of a Rocky Horror/Frankenfurter thing, with lots of frills and furbelows as well as a nice parade of cross-dressers throughout. I'm pretty pleased with the book now, though I think it might take years (the years I spend raising my two sons perhaps?) to finish my little work of art ....

This is GREAT! What a cool idea! I'd never heard of that before, I wish I'd done that with "Becoming Babywise."


----------



## dinade (Nov 12, 2003)

this book for christmas a few years back. Maybe that's why I can't get through the first 10 pages. I've picked it up to read it 4 or 5 x and can't ever read it. LOL Who knew. Now I know not to bother. THanks.


----------



## malibusunny (Jul 29, 2003)

i have a friend who loves this book. i bought her the pollack book in hopes of balance.


----------



## sabros (Nov 24, 2004)

ExuberantDaffodil said:


> Slighly off topic, this woman also suggested to me when I was pregnant that I should give my child up for adoption to a good, christian family (implying what? that I'm not good enough, christian enough to raise a child??
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sabros*
Good for you for not telling her to stick it where the sun don't shine.









:LOL

It was hard, let me tell you. I believe at the time it took everything in my power to just say, "hmm." as if that was an interesting suggestion, and turn around and walk away before my pregnancy hormones convinced me to rip her head off.

......

I just ordered Real Boys....


----------



## spunky (Mar 27, 2005)

I have not read this whole thread. I am not Christian. I have some friends who are and they showed me a book by Sears called The Complete Book of Christian Childcare and Parenting.
This Dobson guy sounds horrible.
I was looking for what people thought about Gurian. I have a friend whose child seems miserable whenever I am around (he is 3 1/2 and my son is 17 mo.) She uses time-outs, threats, bribes, etc. She asked me about her parenting because she said she was uncomfortable with the results and I told her about Unconditional Parenting. She emailed me the next day saying she would rather stick with Good Son as a guide (which I have not read.)
Any comments?


----------



## L.J. (Nov 20, 2001)

I've got both "Real Boys" - Pollack and "The Wonder of Boys" -Gurian and I really liked them both. I had no idea some of the things that boys go through and NEED to go through. Lots of good help in both books.


----------



## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

A very old friend who is the mother of 3 boys recommended this book to me.
I put it on my list of books to look for.
I am very glad to get this feedback before wasting my time.
I wont bother checking it out.
I am all for taking the good and chucking the bad in some parenting books.
But the author must at least have a basic respect for children that I think is absent from any author that advocates spanking.
If they dont even respect kids, they arent worth reading to look for "good points'
Joline


----------



## YankeeMomInVA (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey's mom*
=

I won't even go into the chapter on how to keep from turning your son into a homosexual.








.

A friend let me borrow this book... and I couldn't read it beyond that particular chapter...there were little tidbits here and there that annoyed me, but THAT really took the cake... you can bet that I promptly returned said book to my friend LOL

Let me also add that I do agree that there are some parts that are worth reading and others that are not... I was definitely feeling the whole confirmation that boys ARE inherently different from girls and that those differences should be celebrated and not squashed...

I also found that reading it really re-affirmed my decision to give up my government job so I could raise my child and future children.... sure, sometimes the going gets tough, but I just have to look at my son to remind me that I made the best decision of all


----------



## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

I picked this book up at the used book store. I couldn't remember who Dobson was, just that the name was vaguely familiar (I was also in a hurry).

I looked at the TOC, and was curious about the Homosexuality chapter, so I turned to it. YIKES!!!!

His views on that subject are not based on, well, any actual homosexual men from what I can tell. Or science, or any pesky facts.

Raising Boys is a pretty good book, although a bit brief. It's a good one to pick up if you come across it. Not lengthy enough, but it really gave me some insights!!!


----------



## Juliacat (May 8, 2002)

So, uh, how DOES he suggest you prevent your son from turning into a homosexual?


----------



## MonieMama (May 9, 2005)

Here you go, Julia, straight from Dobson's parenting site:
http://www.focusonyourchild.com/deve.../A0000689.html


----------



## Juliacat (May 8, 2002)

People believe the craziest things.







:


----------



## bluets (Mar 15, 2005)

I'd also avoid the book:

Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men
Steve Biddulph, Paul Stanish (Illustrator)

I havent' read Dobson's book but the one above sounds like it might as well have been written by Dobson.


----------



## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

A well-meaning Christian co-worker gave me this book and as I unknowingly perused the chapters (and there is one directed at how to avoid having your son be a homosexual







: ), I grew sicker and sicker to my stomach.
He is also the doctor who advocates spanking but says that you should use an object to hit with (like the backside of a hairbrush) but not the hand itself because the "hand should be viewed as an object of love".
Uh, hello...what is holding the hairbrush that hits your child? Does he honestly think the child doesn't know the difference?
RUN FROM DR. DOBSON!!!!!


----------

