# Why is offering lots of unhealthy, processed foods considered a "loving" gesture?



## ~Amy~ (Jun 7, 2009)

I am so frustrated with (and ashamed of) what my 3yo son has been eating the past few weeks. We've been on vacation. We've eaten out a ton and eaten at the homes of various family members. I don't mind a little Mac and Cheese here and there, especially if there's nothing else on offer that he'll eat but it's getting ridiculous. We're currently at my mom and dad's place (2 more days) and every time I turn around, DS is being offered cake, cookies, boxes Mac and cheese, candy, ice cream, low fat conventional dairy, etc. And then when I say "no", I'm the meanie. They're offering my precious child foods that will do damage to his body and *I'm* the mean one?! Can vacation be over now, please?


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## goldenwillow (Jan 5, 2010)

I know how tough that is. Honestly.... you are always going to be the mean one, sorry. Personally, I do not mind. I get teased all the time. We actually take a basket of our own grub while visiting, etc.

If you stand your ground, express your concern, my hope is your family and friends will respect your wishes. If not, for me, it would be hard to stay with them. I cannot respect folks that do not respect me, KWIM? They should really respect your choices for your child. Who cares if you are the mean one!

Good luck


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

I feel the same way about my family we are about to visit. My grandma adds sweet-n-low to everything (vegetables included) and eats lots of conventional meat, boxed foods etc. I do my best to explain and avoid. What bothers me more is when people say "once he gets the good stuff he won't eat this junk anymore!" UGH


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I am SO with you! When we are gets I don't mind DD eating not-so healthy but when it's just junk food for no reason UGH

We went to MILs the other day and she made steaks on the grill with way over cooked mush cauliflower and MSG laden yellow rice...as if that wasn't all bad enough(all conventional of course)...then she's trying to give her a pop (frozen corn syrup in a tube) I told her no and she flipped out saying "kids are SUPPOSE to eat pops, ice cream, and junk food you know" Really they are suppose to eat that? My DD will eat a bowl of kale before she will eat ice cream...


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## mamaecho (Mar 31, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mommy212*
> 
> I feel the same way about my family we are about to visit. My grandma adds sweet-n-low to everything (vegetables included) and eats lots of conventional meat, boxed foods etc. I do my best to explain and avoid. What bothers me more is when people say "once he gets the good stuff he won't eat this junk anymore!" UGH


I don't understand..... why would you add sweet n low to anything... let alone veggies???

I get this though. Now, we aren't super, super strict but there are certain things I don't budge on.. I'm always the mean one


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## tinybutterfly (May 31, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamaecho*
> 
> I don't understand..... why would you add sweet n low to anything... let alone veggies???
> 
> I get this though. Now, we aren't super, super strict but there are certain things I don't budge on.. I'm always the mean one


I've heard of people adding sugar to corn to "bring out the sweetness." Guess Sweet & Low would be used for the same reason?

I tried it once, putting sugar in the corn. It just...didn't make sense to me. Tasted like corn with sugar added.









I'm not even sure why I tried it. Curious I guess.


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## tinybutterfly (May 31, 2004)

On topic, we had trouble with both the grandmas and ds#1. They were constantly trying to give him food way too early, then it was all about how he NEEDED to have candy, jelly, cake, cookies,etc. and I was depriving him...and we weren't even THAT strict/healthy, just we weren't giving him junk food or sweets.

One time we left ds#1 with grandma p and told her to please not give him any chocolate ( it made him HYPER.) When we got back from our date, she told us she had given him FIVE chocolate chip cookies and she would NEVER do that again. That she had thought the whole thing about him getting hyper from chocolate was all in my head...until she saw it for herself and had to deal with it. She was much better after that about being careful what she offered him.


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## goldenwillow (Jan 5, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sosurreal09*
> 
> I am SO with you! When we are gets I don't mind DD eating not-so healthy but when it's just junk food for no reason UGH
> 
> We went to MILs the other day and she made steaks on the grill with way over cooked mush cauliflower and MSG laden yellow rice...as if that wasn't all bad enough(all conventional of course)...then she's trying to give her a pop (frozen corn syrup in a tube) I told her no and she flipped out saying "kids are SUPPOSE to eat pops, ice cream, and junk food you know" Really they are suppose to eat that? My DD will eat a bowl of kale before she will eat ice cream...


Off topic... you went back to our Dad's house?

We make our own ice cream... occasionally, I am talking maybe once every two months! I wish my kiddo would prefer chips if both were presented! ... we do make kale chips that he loves, staple in our home... just made chard ones this evening... yummy! ... no potato chips here!

Edited---meant to say preferred chips!


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

OP, I feel your pain!! I am SO particular about what DD eats, and I get teased CONSTANTLY about it. My parents will even bring it up in front of other people just to embarass me. I get called mean for not taking my 17 month old to Dairy Queen, or for not giving her suckers when we go to the bank, and not giving her candy when a friend offers her some.... It is so frustrating and it happens all the time. I dont like going anywhere because it seems like it is always a battle. When we go on trips I take a cooler full of our own food and I make sure that I know where the closest health foods store is, if there is one. I also take a jar of organic peanut butter, organic whole grain crackers to dip in it, organic bananas, you name it. Relatives and friends think I am crazy, but heck my daughter is the only one who does not have a mouth full of cavities and fillings, and who is not sick all the time.


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

I've recently come to terms with the idea that there are people out there who subsist on junk food 24/7. Generations of children grew up eating breakfast cereal every.single day. and in many cases it was the healthiest meal of the day. So, we are careful at home, generally speaking, to eat as much homemade whole, organic food as we can. But when we're at Nana's or when Grandma comes to visit and brings "treats" - let the good times roll!







Barring food allergies, exposure to junk in the short term is likely doing less damage than the stressful circumstances surrounding picky eating are...


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## ~Amy~ (Jun 7, 2009)

And see, if it were a once in a while day here and there, that's one thing. But we've been away from home since June 30. He just can't eat crap for 2 weeks straight. And we don't just see Grandma once a year or anything. We have 3 grandmothers within a 2 hour radius. We see one (or all) of them at least once a month, often for a week at a time. I am fine with occasional treats but for example, last night we were at my Grandma's house for supper. Wednesday was her birthday and there was cake leftover. DS asked for a piece and I said "no" because it was one of those colored boxed mix cakes and one thing I am pretty unbending about is food dye. So then, my Grandma offered DS a brownie. I said "yes" to the brownie. Then she offered a second brownie. I said "no". Then she offered a cookie. "No". The she brought out a different kind of cookie package and told me to read the ingredients to see if he could have those instead. Where's the headbanging smilie??


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

No no no that is DH's mom! Yes both sides of our family are horrendous...

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *goldenwillow*
> 
> Off topic... you went back to our Dad's house?
> 
> We make our own ice cream... occasionally, I am talking maybe once every two months! I wish my kiddo would prefer ice cream if both were presented! ... we do make kale chips that he loves, staple in our home... just made chard ones this evening... yummy! ... no potato chips here!


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I totally feel you we stayed at a friends for a week as a favor to her (her and DH broke up she wanted support) and we ate crap absolute crap all week. I felt gross, DD felt gross, and we both ended up getting a bad virus after. My body could not handle all the sugar and processed stuff, neither could DD's she had the runs all week...and even that wasn't like candy but more like goldfish crackers, rits bits, and conventional stuff.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Amy~*
> 
> And see, if it were a once in a while day here and there, that's one thing. But we've been away from home since June 30. He just can't eat crap for 2 weeks straight. And we don't just see Grandma once a year or anything. We have 3 grandmothers within a 2 hour radius. We see one (or all) of them at least once a month, often for a week at a time. I am fine with occasional treats but for example, last night we were at my Grandma's house for supper. Wednesday was her birthday and there was cake leftover. DS asked for a piece and I said "no" because it was one of those colored boxed mix cakes and one thing I am pretty unbending about is food dye. So then, my Grandma offered DS a brownie. I said "yes" to the brownie. Then she offered a second brownie. I said "no". Then she offered a cookie. "No". The she brought out a different kind of cookie package and told me to read the ingredients to see if he could have those instead. Where's the headbanging smilie??


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

on the topic of why she adds sweet-n-low... she is saving calories. Personally I would rather have the extra calories from the sugar than the fake chemically junk of sweet-n-low


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

I can see once in a great while. I mean, I make my own homemade treats like pies, cookies, cake... But all organic, and I use some whole wheat flour instead of all white, and dont use the full amount of added sugar.. And DD gets some of that, but only after she has eaten a healthy meal, and she does not get it all day long, or not even every day. If she has already had some and someone offers her more, I say no, and of course I'm the meanest parent in the world... Anyway, just frustrating. And yes, whenever any of us eat out or eat conventional food we all get the runs, DD gets a diaper rash instantly, and we often get sick afterwards. Not just coincedence!! I do not want that for my family, so I have another reason to say no


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

I don't mind DS getting stuff like that at my in-laws because at my parents house he doesn't get any junk except for holidays and even then it's natural versions of "junk" food. So, it's about every 2-4 weeks he gets chocolate milk and candy and the inlaws. That's it. So it's not a big deal to me. My biggest problem is that DH is the junk food junkie, but he sees how DS reacts to it and does his best to do his junk-food eating away from the house(I don't like that he eats crappy either, but he's a big boy, and can make his own decisions, lol).


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

MIL did something similar around Easter. We left DS with her overnight and came back and he had eaten a ton of Hershies Kisses and she was wondering why he was so hyper. DUH! If your kids don't live on sugar every day, of course they are going to be sensitive to it when they get it! She also left it on the counter where he could reach it. I would have put it in a cabinet high up if I knew he could reach it. Oy....


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## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

I did a thread on this same thing awhile back: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1308013/update-wwyd-mil-wants-1-y-o-to-eat-sweets-and-chocolate

It is frustrating. I know I am a control freak over what goes into my precious LO's mouth...but that's my right. DH is fortunately on board, but I get all kinds of looks and comments from EVERYONE, including my good friends. I was recently asked "what's so bad about red #40?" by a good friend who honestly didn't know. I explained that, to my knowledge, it was a carcinogen. She was raised with only processed food for the most part and eats them exclusively now. She has awesome intentions and is just not educated about food.

One of my big hesitations and reasons I won't leave DS with MIL is I know she will give him bad stuff behind our backs and not be honest about it. I watched her do it with our nephew who had food allergies (but she gave him cow milk "because he needed it" even though he's allergic to milk protein).

I hope when I'm a MIL I will be able to follow whatever my DIL comes up with as important to her...but who knows? We all have our soapboxes and think we are right!


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

You are right PP, that is your right! I think that our friends and relatives ought to respect that, it is not like we are doing something bad, in fact it is the complete opposite!! They are our precious little ones, and of course we want what is absolutely best for them!

I have a friend, she is my next door neighbor, and her son is the same age as DD. He has been sick and on different medications almost constantly since he was weaned from the breast at 6 months. This is also when she started giving him candy, ice cream, any kind of junk food including hot dogs and processed foods and freezer meals that she could. What partially saved him is that he was still on baby food fruits and veggies, although he got the Gerber mac and cheese almost daily as well!! But since he has been off of baby food I dont think he has eaten a single vegetable, and only a few peices of fruit here and there. He was on store bought cows milk before 1yr old, and has been constipated and sick with the flu and colds and bronchitis ever since. Watching how this friend feeds her poor child (he has a sucker in his hand almost every time I see them) it just makes my heart ache, and I have tried to talk to her, but she says "my doctor did not tell me to feed him vegetables so I dont have to, it must not be necessary." AHHH, and this brings me to the state of our messed up medical system.... That is another subjuct I will not even get in to right now.

This poor little guy has actually made my husband a believer. DH used to think I was ridiculous for not allowing DD to have junk food, and feeding her all organic, and now he is so on board after seeing how that little boy is always sick like that.

An example of my friends complete ignorance when it comes to food is- as soon as her son could chew little pieces of bread (about 8 months old) she stopped feeding him baby cereal and instead fed him Eggo toaster waffles drenched in Mrs Butterworths(almost pure high fructose corn syrup) "maple syrup" and then rolled her eyes at me because I was still feeding DD "that baby food". She said "waffles are a grain just like that baby cereal is, he is getting everything he needs from these". I tried to explain to her that they were made out of bleached white flour(NOT whole grain) and had preservatives and were processed, and how bad the syrup was (in a very nice way of course) but she acted as if she did not even hear me and just said "Uh huh" and that was it.

After months of doing this, and her son being so extremely constipated, and going to the Dr numerous times, at about 1 year old she asked me what to do (she was giving him prunes every day and it was not even helping and he would only poop once a week or less), I said try switching back to baby cereal, mix it with yogurt, and she did! And it did help a lot.... UGH


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I literally know someone who's DD is 5 y/o and eats junk and is constantly constipated like PP mentioned and they literally give her a supository every 3 days! They are considering a colostomy bag, yet when I suggested probiotics they flipped out and said "she drinks cows milk and eats yogurt that's all she needs for probitoics it's IN her food!" Like I was an idiot....poor kid. Her I am spending $30 a month on probiotics we can't afford for DD to help heal her from a vax reaction and someone is considering a colostomy bag and won't even TRY it! They said the Dr said it was pointless...and they were too expensive to "just try" with no medical advice on it or a prescription....


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

Just sharing my sympathies for OP's venting and others' annoying relatives too.

Our annoying vacation-food experience 2 yrs ago included a big lecture on how my dd was being calcium deprived because I don't force a glass of milk on her with meals (dh has lactose issues and I don't drink milk regularly either), and her diet was so poor from what was observed while eating on vacation with strange and new foods that we don't normally eat (for an already very picky eater - what the heck -- the flipping yogurt we end up having on vacation isn't even vegetarian since it has gelatin and it has aspartame in it too!! yeah, super great!!!).

Oh yeah, and kids portions are TOTALLY DIFFERENT than adult portions. We are constantly dealing with talk about how much dd eats or doesn't. Including one relative who's constantly praising her for eating lots of food (like bread and popsicles or ice cream or whatever







, you know, total health foods there kids don't normally eat tons of and deserve lots of praise for eating).

Thanks for sharing the vent.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

My goodness sosurreal09, that is terrible, I can not believe some people!! Having a colostomy bag would be a terrible thing for such a young girl if it is unnecessary. I can not imagine going through puberty with such a device, and I feel so sorry for those who must but my goodness, I would try ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING else before such a thing would even Enter my mind.

Can I ask you what type of probiotics you are giving your child? I have been looking for some good ones, and these http://www.vitacost.com/Garden-of-Life-RAW-Probiotics-Kids-3-4-oz are the best I have found so far(I have not purchased them because I am still looking), but I would love to know what you have found. How have they been helping your child? How so? If you want to PM me with a response instead that would be fine too

That also reminds me of what a friend was telling me a few weeks ago about her friend. Her friend has a 9 month old son with severe allergies, and he is on steroids and all sorts of terrible drugs to relieve his allergy symptoms and they are not even completely effective, and he is experiencing significant side effects. My friend told her friend about some natural remedys that her naturopath had recommended to her that had really helped her daughter(I think one of them was a sort of medication that the naturopath had to order in but it was not a controlled drug, just something that the company only sells to the doctors and will not sell to patients..), and her friend would not even listen at all and said she would continue to give her son all of these drugs that were not even working that well, and giving him all of those side effects rather than trying natural remedies that were harmless!! My friend is so sad when she sees that little boy, because of all he has to go through and be on all of those drugs at such a young age. What are the long term effects I wonder!! AGH!


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

WOW that is scary about that baby!

I give DD adult probiotics b/c we are rebuilding her system b/c she needs 15 Billion. We will do that for a couple more months and then probably stop taking them as long as she is OK. We are still BFing and she gets coconut yogurt daily as well.


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

My neighbors are huge junk food fans, and as soon as I realized this I let them know (gently, of course, mostly in a making fun of ourselves way) that we don't do junk food, and i am very picky about what ds eats. Their daughter makes me want to cry- she never eats anything remotely healthy, and she walks around with a sippy full of kool-aid ("I had to add extra sugar so she would drink even THAT!"). She has that calcium deficiency that makes her legs bow and her feet pigeon-toe in. In a day and age when healthy food is so available and knowledge about this kind of stuff is everywhere, how can you feel alright with yourself, giving your child a health deficiency that will affect her the rest of her life? I know that they can afford the food because we are all military and know each others' ranks. It is just lack of caring or knowledge I suppose. Doesn't help that the mom is the pickiest adult eater I have ever seen! lol


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

The other day DD had some blueberries. The neighbor boy(17months old, the same one I was talking about earlier) pointed to them and said "jellybean". His mom said Oh he thinks they are jellybeans, I doubt he'll eat a blueberry! I offered him one anyway, and he spit it out. He will not eat ANYTHING that is not Super sweet because he is SO used to candy. It made me sad. DD eats them as if they WERE candy, in fact that IS her candy lol, she has never had actual candy. I am waiting for her to tell me he has a cavity, I know it is coming very soon, he eats so much junk.


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## MoonWillow (May 24, 2006)

Slightly OT but I'm working part time doing a summer pre school day camp class and this little girl (maybe 3 years old) came with a marshmallow fluff sandwich. Whatever yanno? To each their own but her mom shows up a bit later and freaked on the child that some fluff was on her face. "Whats all over your face?!?!"

I'm like, "its fluff from the sandwich you sent her in with."









Aside from that though junk really seems to be all I see being served around here. I'm not super strict about it for my own reasons but I'm floored sometimes by what I see. Do kids who just played soccer in the the hottest part of the summer heat really want a bunch of melted donuts after the game? Or even cold donuts?


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

My nephew is 4 y/o and goes to daycare and his mom was telling me about the lunch she packed him the other day.

1.kool aid

2. PBJ "uncrustables"

3. doritos

4. a twix

Is there anything healthy in that? I guess maybe the PB but IDK what the ingredient are in those "uncrustable" things.


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## berry987 (Apr 23, 2008)

Ugh, I hear all of your pain. My mom loves to dole out nasty, processed "treats" to our kids whenever we are there. SHe just doesn't get it. She thinks that I'm opposed to yummy food or something. I've even said to her "Mom, treats are fine every now and then, but those aren't even real food, they're chemicals and coloring!" How about a homemade chocolate chip cookie or something, at least it's better than Little Debbie snack cakes and twizzlers!

The other hard part is how my 6yo compares his food choices to his friends. He complains that I don't send Lunchables or Doritos or soda in his lunch. I try to make them kid-appealing, but there is a limit to what I'll do. Homemade cookies, pb w/fruit, toast with honey, is about as junky as I'll go. I tell him "because I LOVE you and I want you to be strong and healthy and grow big and tall." That partially satisfies him, but in our culture, there is definitely a feeling that cool parents, who embrace childhood, let their kids eat crap. At least in some of the areas where I live. And the kids pick up on it and somehow my son ends up thinking I don't care enough to let him eat that stuff.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

http://www.thereluctanteater.com/2009/01/ridiculous-food-product-smuckers-uncrustables/ Here is what I found on uncrustables. OMG! I can not believe that this stuff is out there for kids to eat and that parents dont even bother to look at the ingredient list and see what everything is. I research everything before I give it to my kid!!

As PP said, my family and friends also just think that I am opposed to yummy food, and that I just dont want my baby girl to have good tasting food for some insane reason that they just can not understand. I am just so strange and ridiculous that they could not possibly wrap their minds around my outrageous thinking. I guess I just must not love my baby enough to give her treats. I am so mean.... Thats what I think that goes through their minds anyway

I am afraid of what PP says is happening with her DS- comparing his food to others. I am just waiting for the day when DD figures out that there is junk out there and wants it all the time. i am like you, I will not do junk, period. If it is a treat that I have made MY SELF, then I will let DD have some, but otherwise no way, not going into my precious little babys mouth. I will not allow that junk to enter her body and interfere with her growth and cause her problems! Many of the chemical additives that are in food are thought to just remain in the body because the body does not know how to rid itself of them. Stored mainly in fat cells I have read. So this junk becomes a part of their permanent makeup? I dont think so. It is soooooo sad


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## mamaecho (Mar 31, 2011)

Yep. We want our kids to eat healthy food because we hate them.


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## motherhendoula (Feb 13, 2009)

The last time we were at MIL's house she asked if she could give LO a hot dog....(he is 10 months old) i said NO, she countered with 'its OK, its 100% beef, c'mon, live a little!'

oh yeah....using my baby as a waste dump is really living!! Next - we are all going to go parachuting together!







now thats living!

hey someone mentioned *Kale Chips*???? help a mother out and share that recipe!!! Thanks!


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## Sayward (Nov 16, 2009)

Kale chips are the easiest thing in the world, and they are DELICIOUS! Just de-rib and tear up a head of kale. Toss with about a teaspoon - a tablespoon of olive oil and salt + pepper to taste. Spread out on pans in a single layer. Bake at 375 until crispy, about 10-15 minutes. Done! They are amazing healthy salty crispy ADDICTIVE not-potato-chips.


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## Contented73 (May 14, 2006)

OP, we have similar problems when we go on extended visits with grandma. One thing I always do when I am visiting people, is seek out the raw milk source as soon as I get there, and drive off to whatever farm I need to and buy milk, eggs, yogurt, and anything else that looks good. Then I know that the kids will at least be drinking the right milk and eggs. I also have made bread as a fun "project", and then we have good bread. I haven't done this, but you could also make some cookies or cake that you approve of, so that when grandma wants to hand out treats, they will at least be semi-decent ones.

It is hard when you feel like all the careful work you do with your family with regards to food, just goes down the drain because of other people's influence. Just try to remember that it is temporary and once back in your own home, you can get right back on track.


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## Contented73 (May 14, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Sayward*
> 
> Kale chips are the easiest thing in the world, and they are DELICIOUS! Just de-rib and tear up a head of kale. Toss with about a teaspoon - a tablespoon of olive oil and salt + pepper to taste. Spread out on pans in a single layer. Bake at 375 until crispy, about 10-15 minutes. Done! They are amazing healthy salty crispy ADDICTIVE not-potato-chips.


This sounds great! How do you de-rib a head of kale?!


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

O-M-G we went to MIL's house last night for dinner, she made stuffed peppers and rice and tomatoes (all conventional) but well at least healthy minus the pesticides and hormones...

Before dinner she's trying to get my DD to eat marshmallows. I say "she does not need marshmallows" and she gets in a tiff but I didn't let her..

Again before dinner she brings over this box of "Fruit snacks" and excitedly says "Oh she can have these they have fruit in them!" I read the box, Nope no fruit just HFCS, wax, and juice concentrates...she has a bigger tiff...I argue that there is NO point in making her eat fruit snacks when she LOVES real fruit! She says "well they are good to have around the house for her though" I say "yeah so is FRUIT which is HEALTHY and she loves it!" more of a tiff...says she should be able to eat fruit AND fruit snacks







(these literally didn't even have Vitamin C in them which I though all those fruit snacks had there was NO way I was going to give them to her)

Then after dinner (and for once in her life) MIL actually thought about her dairy allergy and bought her 2 (!) PINTS of so delicious coconut ice cream. (thinking she would just GOBBLE them all up! since she is so "deprived") I agreed to let her have it and guess what? She ate maybe 1/2 of 1/4 of a cup (by choice, I actually had her eating straight out of the carton) and then saw MIL had bananas and went nuts running for them, jumping up and down, screaming, nanas nanas!!!!









Oh but she is deprived and she needs that junk MIL was trying to shove down her throat all day! Then MIL says "Well that won't last, she will change, and you have to let her" ...

Then SIL gets into a tiff with me b/c her kid lives on HFCS (literally he ONLY eats junk food and when he wants water she will say "Well I really need you to drink your gatorade" and tells me he needs his "juice" more than water"....)

She constantly feels the need to be validated as a "good mother" and looks over at me (after a tiff with MIL about healthy foods) and says "Well my kid pretty much only eats junk food but he's not overweight and he's perfectly healthy!" (I didn't say anything) so she goes "RIGHT?" I said sarcastically "W/e you say" and she flipped her lid on me (I just ignored her)

Earlier she was making fun of me (really, seriously, teasing me!) for still BFing DD, (21 m/o) I made the mistake of saying I believe in CLW and now she will taunt me and say "boobies tills she's 4 boobies till she's 4!" like a little kid....and she's OLDER than me....UGH WHY do people want me to poison my kid with crap and stop doing the things that are good for her?


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

O my gosh, I didnt know anyone was uneducated enough to think that Gatorade was juice, or that it is better than water!! UGH! Contented73, those are excellent thoughts!


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## motherhendoula (Feb 13, 2009)

Thanks for the Kale Chip recipe! i will have to give that a whirl....i de-rib Kale by basically grabbing the two sides of the leaf at once and pulling down...nothing too complex! yowza sosurreal!! i thought my in laws were ridiculous with their white bread = health and longevity mentality!!


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## bonamarq (Oct 18, 2006)

I see this as a CONSTANT battle with society at large - I don't allow dyes and HFCS in the house but at 7yo I don't have total control of what dd eats anymore - soccer team snacks are a big one

Was SO PROUD that dd THREW AWAY the drink from one family that gave out the plastic 'barrels' of pure dye and HFCS - POISON IMO) And at a b-day party I encouraged her to get the ice cream that was NOT neon blue or green (even tho ALL the other kids were getting it) I have turned her into a constant label reader at the age of 7! Looking at gr of sugar and protein









I live in WV and healthy eating is just not in the cultural conciousness here save for a few of us...

I try and strike a balance and limit as much as possible without being a total nazi as I see this as a risk of backfiring - she loves those fruit snacks that the parents feel are "healthy" and if I said 'You can't have that" I think she might rebel and reject my whole philosophy KWIM? She reacts to the dyes those (behavior deteriorates but is never 'out of control' - but I will often point out to her that correlation - not as an excuse for it - but so that she sees whey we don't want her to have it and how her body doesn't like it either...

- as far as visiting folks I'm quite fortunate that most of the people I would stay with feel the same as I do about these issues so we're lucky there..When I recommended to one friend that she try feeding her 9 mo organic cheerios to encourage the pincer grasp she declared "I'm not giving my child that crap!"









needless to say she's lightened her standards a bit now that her dd is 6 yo and I don't worry about what food is offered at her house when we make our visits (she's out of town)


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

You are very fortunate. Have you tried Annies fruit snacks? Albertsons in MT has them, and you can get them on vitacost.com. They actually taste pretty good and they are naturally dyed and they are organic. They have a lot of sugar so I dont let my 17month old have them, but a friend gives them to her 2yo and I tried them

Anyway, I think it is the same way all over this country- healthy eating is NOT a priority, actually it is not even thought of. Today I saw an old friend of mine in the store and her 3yo had a big cup full of those little fried/breaded pieces of popcorn chicken that Walmart sells, and was practically inhaling them He is already overweight and he eats garbage all the time, just like the kids other people have mentioned on this thread. Candy, frozen dinners, Pizza Hut, UGH

Ya know, when my mom was growing up (she was born in 1965), her family was poor. But her mom still wanted to give her kids treats. Their treat often times was peach slices with fresh cream!! She still wants it once in awhile and goes on and on about how much she loved it as a kid and how special it was to get a treat like that  If only that was how kids these days felt!!


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

my hubby is with all the in laws on here! he claims our kids NEED treats...well so do *I* but *I* don't enjoy battling over popsicles while he sleeps--night shift work. So the other day, when I got sick of the whining about the popsicles, I told them to go share them with every child they saw outside. They did. I no longer had to fight about popsicles instead of meals, how many etc etc and my hubby got the flippin point that as long as there is a mega pack of frozen water and dye tubes in our freezer, our kids will not leave them or me alone, and I am going to get rid of them---so he may as well do as I've said. My oldest is 6 now and they do unfortunately know what junk is. I buy like the one person pack of Skittles at teh checkout and they share. I buy the pack of healthier ice cream treats and everybody gets one and it is gone. I absolutely refuse to fight about food. That's just that.


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## gozal (Nov 7, 2008)

I hear you! I am not super strict, especially outside of my own kitchen, and I think it's important to be kind and gracious to friends and family, that a once-in-a-blue-moon processed disaster won't kill my kid. However, it is shocking to me how easily even small kids can get railroaded into eating complete garbage. It is everywhere in a way I don't remember growing up, and it's widely considered normal and safe. I've found that I have to be a little crazy or else this will harm my child. Food is something we habituate to, and it can be addictive. DS prefers water to juice and considers strawberries candy because I'm vigilant (and because that's what I drink and eat), not because he's some kind of miniature food saint!

Question, mamas: Do you have a handy, non-preachy way to explain the difference between fake/highly processed ingredients (HFCS, food dye, bleached flour, etc.) and nonhealthy whole ingredients? For example, we have a relative who loves buying DS these particular cookies. She thinks this is a fine treat because they are relatively low in calories, grams of sugar, etc., all that nutritionist nonsense. Of course, the cookies are primarily bleached flour and hfcs and preservatives. I have tried to explain that I don't mind him having a cookie made with stuff like unrefined sugar, stone-ground whole wheat flour, and dark chocolate. It's not exactly healthy, to be sure, but it's not a bunch of lab chemicals. I'm all for treats. I like them myself and can't imagine life without them! The situation with this relative is not a big deal in itself, because we don't see this relative all that often. But in general, she has no idea what I'm talking about. It does seem like a lot of those who offer DS these processed foods don't get the distinction between "unhealthy" and "toxic" - i.e., unrefined sweeteners are unhealthy; refined sugar is a neurotoxin. They think, hey, a cookie is a cookie, it's not good for you, what difference does it make if it has HFCS or some other sweetener in it? So they see me allowing him a homemade granola bar and don't understand why I don't want him to have the conventional box kind with white sugar and candy in it, think I'm a food snob and control freak, and write me off. And think they are being kind to the deprived kid with the health freak mom by sneaking him a bright blue ice pop. The kid has ice pops! But they are made with yogurt and fresh fruit! Ideas? Or do you not even try to explain?


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## nursing2mom (Feb 16, 2004)

As a 41 yr old mom of 2 public-schooled kids (will be 3rd and 5th grades,) we have really had the battles. We started out very strict, particularly after discovering a candida imbalance when both girls were very young. It was easier to control what they ate--even at the grandparents, etc--when they were with me constantly and they weren't influenced too much by peers. Now that they are in school, it's a whole different ballgame. I've learned:

1)FAKE IS YUMMY: The first 5 years helps set the tone for taste buds (not to mention the development of the blood-brain barrier, etc.) BUT it doesn't necessarily mean they won't instantly go to the fake taste side once introduced. My kids will definitely eat a much broader variety of foods than their peers, but they still want processed, dyed foods when offered. They react quicker to them, though.

2)GRASS IS GREENER: Hits about 2nd grade. They don't want to be different usually. This works both ways, though. My kids, who eat non-gmo, organic, low-sugar, etc., complain that we don't buy Doritos brand like Susie next door. Or have Coke. Or... BUT then I learned from Susie's mom that Susie was complaining that her family didn't eat healthy enough and why couldn't they eat like our family. Lesson--You will not please your kids all the time (or even a little sometimes!) so do what you feel is right for your family and quit caving. 

3)DON'T WAFFLE: If I am waffling in my brain about a decision (food, activity, discipline) my kids POUNCE on that and can really try to convince me to change my decision. But if I am clear in my mind about a decision, there is very little--or no--whining and complaining. Works for relatives, too. If Grandma wanted to let my 8 yr old play on the main (busy) road, there would be no question in my mind that would not be safe. No discussion needed. But if Grandma wanted to give her a sugar-free chemically-dyed yogurt, I might rationalize that at least it's yogurt and not a doughnut, etc. It might feed on my emotions about my relationship with my own grandma and how I loved the junk foods at her house, etc. Waffle, waffle, waffle...We might gently go round and round about how yogurt isn't healthy, etc. Some things just aren't clear, but when they are, it's SO much easier!

Does that make sense?


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I have tried to explain some things to people and all I ever get is " the FDA wouldn't allow that" or "the government wouldn't allow that" and they think I am a nut job...

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gozal*
> 
> I hear you! I am not super strict, especially outside of my own kitchen, and I think it's important to be kind and gracious to friends and family, that a once-in-a-blue-moon processed disaster won't kill my kid. However, it is shocking to me how easily even small kids can get railroaded into eating complete garbage. It is everywhere in a way I don't remember growing up, and it's widely considered normal and safe. I've found that I have to be a little crazy or else this will harm my child. Food is something we habituate to, and it can be addictive. DS prefers water to juice and considers strawberries candy because I'm vigilant (and because that's what I drink and eat), not because he's some kind of miniature food saint!
> 
> Question, mamas: Do you have a handy, non-preachy way to explain the difference between fake/highly processed ingredients (HFCS, food dye, bleached flour, etc.) and nonhealthy whole ingredients? For example, we have a relative who loves buying DS these particular cookies. She thinks this is a fine treat because they are relatively low in calories, grams of sugar, etc., all that nutritionist nonsense. Of course, the cookies are primarily bleached flour and hfcs and preservatives. I have tried to explain that I don't mind him having a cookie made with stuff like unrefined sugar, stone-ground whole wheat flour, and dark chocolate. It's not exactly healthy, to be sure, but it's not a bunch of lab chemicals. I'm all for treats. I like them myself and can't imagine life without them! The situation with this relative is not a big deal in itself, because we don't see this relative all that often. But in general, she has no idea what I'm talking about. It does seem like a lot of those who offer DS these processed foods don't get the distinction between "unhealthy" and "toxic" - i.e., unrefined sweeteners are unhealthy; refined sugar is a neurotoxin. They think, hey, a cookie is a cookie, it's not good for you, what difference does it make if it has HFCS or some other sweetener in it? So they see me allowing him a homemade granola bar and don't understand why I don't want him to have the conventional box kind with white sugar and candy in it, think I'm a food snob and control freak, and write me off. And think they are being kind to the deprived kid with the health freak mom by sneaking him a bright blue ice pop. The kid has ice pops! But they are made with yogurt and fresh fruit! Ideas? Or do you not even try to explain?


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## bonamarq (Oct 18, 2006)

1love4ever - I do buy the annie fruit snacks - they are the only ones I'll give her and ONLY in her packed school lunches - yes they are high in sugar but at least they have 100% vit c (and this is her 'treat')

This is how bad it is here in WV - my friend (from MA) was at her son's LL game and said the other team was HUGE (fat) and she nearly died when a rather large child - on a hot day in the middle of the game- was being given CHEESE STIX DIPPED IN MAYONAISE for a snack! Like the kid couldn't go through a whole game without eating and that's what he gets? - I try not to judge - maybe they were running late and he hadn't eaten in while, what do I know? But REALLY - an overweight kid needs his CHEESE dipped in MAYO?????

Did you all see that recent article by some harvard peds that suggest that in some cases childhood obesity should be referred to CPS? I don't think that will EVER fly and we can't even get kids who are beaten into foster care so I don't think this will happen - but IMO it takes EFFORT to make a child under three OBESE as they are naturally inclined to be so active-and you can usually tell the difference from the "baby fat" and the kid who is obese b/c he drinks unlimited soda and an endless diet of fast food - .... - we call Mountain Dew "Appalachian crack" around here - and people drink it CONSTANTLY...it is just so very sad and I KNOW it's very much a poverty issue but it's more complicated than that...


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## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gozal*
> 
> <<snip>>
> 
> ...


Boy oh boy, mama, if you can find a good way to handle this situation, let me in on your secret!

Our relatives and friends adore giving my 2 yo DD treats, and I'm very flexible about them. I figure, if *I* have a sweet tooth and love to eat that stuff, it's hypocritical of me to refuse it to DD altogether. I do limit them at home -- both for my own health and DD's -- but out and about I let her have moderate amounts of most 'treats.' Real fats, real sugars, etc.

The trouble is my MIL. She's a retired pediatrician and convinced that she has the last word on healthy eating. She stocks her pantry and fridge with things like non-fat sugar-free fake-fiber-added yogurt, because that's "healthy." She told DH that HFCS is better for us than sugar (a piece of 'medical advice' he is now repeating ad nauseum). Yesterday she gave DD sugar-free chocolate soymilk because 'juice is bad for kids.' I mean, yikes, juice is totally not healthy in any large amount, but at least it's natural. It's just a weird, highly market-driven, technology-crazed way of thinking about nutrition. And there's no arguing with the 'expert', KWIM?

She's very good about having loads of fresh fruit & veggies around, so that's good, but she's also heavily into fake sugars, fake fats, and fad 'health' foods (think packaged granola bars). Worst of all, she's very focused on obesity -- obsessed, really. So she eats almost nothing herself (I'd be surprised if she weighs 100 lbs. soaking wet, and she keeps shrinking), and when she cares for DD she feeds her the way she herself eats. No fats at all, almost no carbs, no snacks between meals. The poor kid comes home starving. So in some ways, it's the opposite problem from many posters on this thread -- she's trying to keep DD 'healthy' and I'm just like, "please give the baby some fat!"


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## RayN (Apr 5, 2011)

What really gets me about people is that little kids, like between 1 and 3 WANT the healthy stuff. I'm not a parent yet, and have only recently discovered how bad some food is, but I have a couple friends and cousins with little ones between 1 and 3, and it amazes me how shocked the parents are that when given Mac & Cheese, Carrots, hot dogs and corn the baby eats the carrots and corn and that's all. They get all bent out of shape that the kid didn't eat the "main" part of the meal. It seems obvious to me, give the kid more veggies, but they just give them more fast food more often till eventually the kid only wants that crap.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bonamarq*
> 
> 1love4ever - I do buy the annie fruit snacks - they are the only ones I'll give her and ONLY in her packed school lunches - yes they are high in sugar but at least they have 100% vit c (and this is her 'treat')
> 
> ...


This is what gets me soda is EXPENSIVE. We don't have money, really we don't and we are lucky enough to get $200 a month in food stamps and I am telling you right now there is no way we can afford soda!

I was poor growing up and we didn't get soda either, we got tap water and milk. It baffles me when the say poor people have to eat junk. Fruits and veggies are like the same or less than junk food. Why pay $3 for a thing of oreos when you can get a bag of apples for the same price? The only thing I will say is that pasta is very cheap and makes a very cheap meal, other than that it really does cost more to eat the processed garbage. Hot dogs are like $5!

People either "can't"/don't want to take the tie to actually make a meal, that's the real issue and in so many homes both parents are working now so time is limited.


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## petey44 (Nov 6, 2008)

I just finished reading through this thread and ew, some of the stories!! Gatorade instead of water? Cheese stick dipped in mayo?

I don't know anyone IRL that feeds their kids like that. I don't even see strangers on the street feeding their kids like that. Thank God.

DD and I are visiting my parents tonight. My mom is stopping on the way home to pick up a treat for DD- corn on the cob.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

I have the same problem when I try to explain any of these things to other people- "The FDA protects us from bad things. It wouldnt be at the store if it was not safe" AHHH!! Are you kidding? Same with vaccines- "If they were not safe the govt would not allow it". Of course we know both of those things are BS!!

On the subject of childhood obeisity being given to CPS- I actually know of a case where that happened, I am shocked I did not think of this before! This is a perfect example for this thread.

So, my aunt(by marrige) has a sister who has a now 6yr old daughter. She was weighed more than me for a few years now, and she is twice the size of all the kids in her class. She has been obese practically since she was born. Of course they never even considered breastfeeding her, and if she would ever cry they would shove a bottle in her mouth and would MAKE her drink it til she fell asleep or just could not anymore. She would just sit around in front of the TV all day, hardly ever held, and even when she started to crawl and walk she was never encouraged to be active or played with, just plopped in front of the TV. From the time she started eating food other than formula she was eating junk. By junk I mean JUNK. Like the WORST junk. Twinkies, Ice cream cones, candy bars, pop, cheetos, those were her meals! I went to a graduation party and she was there. This was when she was 5, she looked like she was a fat 8yr old. Anyway, while my uncle was cooking burgers, she was going back and forth to the table that had snacks set out such as trail mix, chex mix, chips, cookies, etc. She was eating what was on the table constantly for over 1hr while people were talking, and then waiting for burgers. She then had 3 full sized burgers with all the toppings (my dad only had 2 and he was stuffed! And he had not eaten off the snack table ahead of time!) After dinner she started begging her mom for a treat. her mom handed her an ice cream bar and told her to quit bugging her! 2 minutes later she was back at her moms side begging for another, and her mom said If you leave me alone I'll give you another, so she did. 2 mintues later, same thing. Her mom rolled her eyes and said Fine! One more! Thats all you get now leave me alone!

I think one of the reasons why this girl eats like she does is because instead of giving her attention, her parents have always just thrown food at her in order to get her to shut up. They also will not play with her at all, just want her to watch TV. They are obese too, big surprise. Well anyway, when the little girl went to school someone at the school called CPS about her and they have talked to the parents twice about the girls weight. The parents actually said "its just her genes, we dont know why she is so big!" I wonder!! But of course CPS cant really do anything about it I dont think, at least they havent yet. Just talked to them. This family is also extreme couponers, and of course you can get coupons for all that junk food. They actually are pretty well off with money so I dont know why they even bother with all the coupons.

Anyway, this is the worst person that I know of as far as junk food goes. I very seriously doubt that she has ever had a single vegetable or piece of fruit. So sad!


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

The worst part about that is that now that girl is a food addict and will never really out grow it. My sis was always like that, huge emotional eater, my parents didn't encourage it though but instead they locked the food up...that certainly didn't help b/c once she was older she felt so "deprived" that she ate everything in sight. My sis would literally just sit down and eat a whole loaf of bread with butter! A LOAF! I couldn't believe it.

I think and believe it is vitally important to establish good and healthy eating habits from the time they start solids. Of course if every baby was fed human milk that would be a huge plus but it is just unrealistic today..Regardless I don't think babies or toddlers have any business eating junk food! I HATE those stupid Gerber freeze dried and "whole grain" and w/e the heck else they have "toddler snacks" I see everyone giving them to their toddlers. They may not be "that bad" but they are still replacing real food and where you could be giving the kid fresh fruits and veggies for a snack you are giving them that stuff instead, it's just setting them up for failure in the future.

While reading your story I just remembered I went to a BBQ for the 4th and there was a 15 *m/o* playing with my DD and his dad walked over and gave him a can of coke and the baby was chugging it down (with dad's help of course). I couldn't believe it I walked away immediately b/c I was infuriated!


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## Veronika01 (Apr 16, 2007)

1love4ever, your story reminds me so much of my cousin's story. She had a little girl first and about 5 years later, a baby boy. Her daughter was wearing an adult size 38 (something like a size 16) dress at age 8. They bragged about feeding her KFC for dinner and spanking her when she didn't finish her meal. Her meal consisted of 3-4 pieces of chicken, a bread roll and a X-Large mash and gravy. I couldn't even eat that much in one sitting and I am overweight. Her little boy was only 3 months older than mine, but they started him on solids at just 3 weeks old. He was off the charts before he was 6 months old. They also bragged about adding sugar to his formula! They often sent messages through my mother and told her that it was time I started feeding my son solids, because their baby outweighed my son a couple of times over and that proved he was "healthier". By just 3 months old, he was eating 3 meals a day, including one meal of potatoes, rice and squash smothered in sugar. By the time he was 3, he was the size of a 5 year old. I haven't heard from them in years and can only imagine what it must be like now, 4 years later. They also bragged about the father, who was very very large, eating a 2lb tin of chocolates in one sitting. So, so sad. Even though I'm overweight and I struggle with eating healthy, I want so much more for my children. I can't imagine wanting my children to follow in my footsteps.. or simply not caring.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

O my that is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard PP! I am not sure when this little girl started solids but it was certainly before 6 months, or even 4. The weight charts are there for a reason, so you can tell if your child is overweight!! Which that one most certainly is! And not that I believe most things that modern medicine has to say, but I do believe that solids should not be started until around 6 months.

One thing I have noticed with all of my friends (except those who believe the same things I do) is that whenever I talk about my beliefs, whether it is when they offer DD a sucker and I say no, or they make rude comments about how "big and bulky" her cloth diapers are(they are actually pretty slim), they always have to try to talk me out of believing whatever it is that I believe is best. I believe that this is because they are not confidant in their parenting choices. For example, when I told my friend I was not vaccinating, she went into a huge argument about how we all had them as kids and we are fine(we had WAY less when we were kids actually, and no we are not all fine!!) and the govt would allow them if they were not safe, and doctors wouldnt recommend them if they didnt work.... And then she would call me every time her kid would go in to the Dr to get his shots just to tell me that he was going to get them today and she would save the papers that they gave her that told information about the shots (including all the risks!), and give them to me. And with my cloth diapers, she is constantly making comments and asking if I'm sick of them yet, and how much easier it is to just use sposies. And with food, she says "oh its not going to kill them" and "the govt wouldnt allow it if it wasnt safe!" and that all grains are the same, Eggo waffles are made of grain just like baby cereal is... She would nag at me about breastfeeding past 6 months old, and especially past 1 year old. Why does she try to talk me out doing things that I have explained to her my reasoning on and all the research that I have found? Obviously from all that I have told her she knows I am making better choices than her. Maybe she feels that if I was doing all the same things as she, that she wouldnt feel threatened by thinking she is not as good of a mom? I do not know. She certainly is not the only one who acts like that, and I do feel that it is because these women know inside that you are making better choices for your kids than they are for theirs, and that threatens them because they feel like they are not as good of a parent as you or something like that.


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## girlspn (Apr 14, 2011)

I just finished reading this thread and I can't believe that people let their kids eat that much junk. How horrible.. I feel really bad for their kids  Kudos to the mamas here who make effort to instill healthy eating habits in their kids! Even though they may complain now, they'll be thankful later (hopefully).

My mom was really strict with me when I was young, no soda or candy, even cake and ice cream were rare. In my teens when I had more control over my diet, I ate a lot of junk almost as if making up for what I was 'deprived' of. But when I was in my 20s and wanted to be healthier, I was able to stop easily, not having much of a sweet tooth, I didn't crave sugar. My mom had given up with my younger sisters, and they grew up eating whatever they liked, and now prefer processed foods over homecooked meals. I used to resent my mom's discipline but 15 years later I appreciate it.

I think it's great how you are all handling your kids' diets!


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## gozal (Nov 7, 2008)

Yep, many people believe if it's on the shelf at the store, it's been safety-tested and is non-toxic, not only for food items but also household goods (fire-retardant pajamas, cookware, plastic dishes, etc.) and medical care. Drives me crazy! The stories told here have been heartbreaking to read. I also grew up without a lot to spare (my parents were students when I was born, and my mom stayed at home with us) but we always ate great food. Just everything from scratch, lots of vegetables, and inexpensive cuts of meat. It has been a great education. I am so grateful to my mom! I just wanted to say, though, that many of the problems causing obesity are systemic, in my opinion. It's not that an individual person can't overcome the challenges, because of course that's true. However, the deck is severely stacked against many people. If only certain foodlike substances were sold with the kind of warning labels they put on cigarettes...


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## berry987 (Apr 23, 2008)

A perfect example of advertising that encourages processed junk=love. There's a popup ad on MDC for Cocoa Pebbles that has the mom from the Flintstones holding a box and a tag line about "cool moms" and "treat em right" (I didn't get to read the whole thing before it switched). Ugh, seriously? Cocoa Pebbles?

My SIL and BIL feed their kids total junk (and my SIL is a pediatrician!). They claim they read labels, but they obviously don't know what to look for...they focus on vitamins and minerals instead of chemicals and additives and sugar. So strawberry milk with HFCS is good for their kids because it's fortified with all sorts of vitamins







The same goes for Lucky Charms and Toaster Strudel! They are also big believers in the eggs=high cholesterol myth so they think it's horrifying that we feed our kids eggs every morning. Ugh...but they are so set in their ways and unwilling to hear other opinions that we can't even discuss it.


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

I've been thinking about one of the pp's questions (about what kind of explanations are accepted well by others for sticking to limiting processed foods).

I have done well in the past with people accepting that we need to limit sweet junky food because of having to watch out for dd1's teeth. "Oh no can't have another one - we really need to watch how much sugar she gets b/c of her teeth" or "Gee, that's too sticky. We'll have apple slices instead. We have to be really careful b/c of issues with cavities".


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

same story here! until the age of 14 when I went to public school I ate really really healthy. I made up for it in highschool...funyuns and cherry coke almost daily! lol. I got married at 21 and wanted to be healthier and I've improved my eating ALOT since highschool, and it wasn't hard. once I educated myself again about eating healthy it became important to me. So yes, work hard on instilling good eating habits. They may not stick, but at least you've done all you can to help your child eat the best way possible. 

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *azhie*
> 
> I just finished reading this thread and I can't believe that people let their kids eat that much junk. How horrible.. I feel really bad for their kids  Kudos to the mamas here who make effort to instill healthy eating habits in their kids! Even though they may complain now, they'll be thankful later (hopefully).
> 
> ...


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

it is weird to me how poor people can afford soda and junk food too. We were very broke when I was a kid, and we ate a good amount of pre-packaged food (think rice-a-roni and hamburger helper) but junk was a huge treat at our house because it was such a waste of money- my mom was no health nut, but she still wanted us to have a meat and starch or 2 veggies at dinner every night and eggs for breakfast more than she wanted soda and candy, and that's where the food money went. It's mostly the same philosophy I have now, only tweaked a little- like I buy really nice meat from a small butcher shop and we eat a lot less of it, and I make a ton of stuff from scratch because it's cheaper.

As for what we tell people, I usually say "Oh, well we're just health nuts, you know?" And around here that usually flies, because the army is a fitness community, and even if not everyone follows it everyone has heard/knows about healthy foods. With my family, I just say we are trying to do what's best for our kids just like they did, only we have different information, just like they fed us different from their parents fed them.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

One thing I have thought about saying to people when they want to give my kid junk is "No, she is allergic to (preservatives, colorings, corn, whatever it is)" lol. I havent yet, I almost did today when DD was whining in the store and a the lady in the bakery asked if she wanted a chocolate chip cookie... Thankfully DD does not know what a chocolate chip cookie is so it didnt cause her to have a fit. I just told the lady no thank you and she acted all offended and said "Um, ok MOM" Whatever, quite offering my kid junk and you would have no reason to be offended lol.

That is a good idea about wanting to prevent cavities!

Anyway, as a child my parents gave me lots and lots of ice cream and candy and junk. My mom tried to control it a little bit because she wouldnt let us have sweets before a meal, but afterwards we could. And she would limit us to 1 ice cream cone a night, but if there were other treats we could have those too. Or we would have a huge bowl of ice cream drenched in chocolate syrup. And summer time we would have a million of those freezer ice pop things that are in the long rectangular tube that are super sweet with all the food colorings. Not trying to say she was a bad mom, I think she was just really uneducated and wanted to make us happy and of course we loved treats so she just gave in for the most part. I remember expecting a treat all the time, such as after church if we behaved she would tell us we could get a treat (we had church 3 times a week!) so we would expect treats after we behaved at any kind of function. We would expect treats after dinner every night. I do not want my kids to expect junk after Everything like I did, and as I got older it got worse and I struggle today even with cravings for ice cream and other junk which was always in the house and we had it every day growing up.

That is sad that there are those ads on mothering.com. I am looking at one for cocoa pebbles treats right now Lets hope that the majority of us are smarter than that.

I think it is very interesting that 2 of you have said that you have relatives who are pediatricians and both of them feed their kids/grandkids junk! They are completely misinformed and do not know what they are doing. That is very sad and just goes to show you one of the many ways in which our healthcare system is messed up. I read an article awhile back by Dr Weil about how we need a healthcare system that is more food based, and focused on prevention of disease by making our lives healthier by eating right and exercising and such. When you go to a Dr now, they do not even ask about your diet usually!! It is outrageous. Even OBs when you are pregnant (where I live anyway) do not even mention diet, and it is so crucial to a babys development! Same with my neighbors little boy- he has been to the doctor several times a month since he was only a few months old(she started him on solids at 2 months!) for all sorts of stuff from constipation to ear infections to the flu, cold, broncitis, broken arm(obviously he does not drink raw milk or eat raw cheese!), terrible teether, unexplained fever, unexplained crying, and of course vaccinations. And I have asked her a million times if the Drs ever asked about his diet, and she said NO, they dont even mention food or ask about food at all. WOW, seriously, for a kid who has seen you at least 40 times, you do not ask one of the most obvious questions? UGH!


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

Just thought of a story from when I was a nursing student that I thought I'd share!

As a nursing student, you are around doctors and other nurses a lot. One day I was assigned to the clinic, and the Dr I was working with that day was covering the walk ins. A mom brought her 5yr old son in because he had the flu and was not getting any better after several days. The nurse went in, checked vitals, asked questions, etc and then gave us his chart and we reviewed it before going to see them. We saw from the chart he was a very obese 5yr old who already had high blood pressure! Anyway, so we went in(he looked about the size of an 8yr old), examined him, found he was very dehydrated(he said "I dont like water so I dont drink it, I will only drink gatorade and pop" and his mom said yes I cant get him to drink water) and he had been throwing up at home off and on and had a fever, if he would have drank water he would have been ok, but the gatorade made him throw up so he wasnt drinking anything. We started him on an IV drip to rehydrate him, and after we left the Dr looked at me and said "O my, some kids and their parents. That poor kid is so overweight". And I said "Do you ever counsel them on nutrition or good eating habits?" And he said "No, not usually. Sometimes if they keep coming in over and over we will mention it, but thats about all. Patients dont want to hear that stuff, they just want medicine, and we have to keep patients happy or they will throw a fit to the hospital and the doctors get in trouble for not keeping patients happy." He also wrote a woman with a cough and runny nose a prescription for an antibiotic, and afterwards I asked him why he did that because it was probably a viral infection and antibiotics will do no good. Once again he said it is to keep patients happy and because they will be mad at the hospital if they dont get drugs. He said 99% of the patients who come there expect to get drugs, and then expect to get better, if you dont play the game, they get mad, call the hospital, you get in trouble because you made a patient mad.

This is just one example of how our medical system works!


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## Alenushka (Jul 27, 2002)

There will be no permanent damage from junk food on vacation. We eat healthy organic local food at home, but when we visit friends and relative , we eat what is offered. There is a lesson in that too.


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## bonamarq (Oct 18, 2006)

On the flip side I have a great story from when I was staying with my friends three teen age girls - Mom was (is) a midwife and vegetarian and always feeds her kids well -

I was in the guest room and the girls were talking amongst themselves - the oldest just says "you know what my FAVORITE food is?" KALE and onions!

This girl was very active and in band etc and had been very busy and had not had a chance to eat anything but fast food for several days - she walked through the door and announced to her mother

"We BETTER be having TOFU for DINNER!"


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## jeslynn (Jul 23, 2010)

I certainly know what you're going through! Our families live on junk food. So whenever we visit it's always being offered to him and when I say no it's "Oh come on! That's what grandmothers/aunts are supposed to do!" Uh no.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I think it's hard b/c yeah sure "once and a while won't kill them" but there is no benefit to it either and since everyone I know for the most part eat complete crap once in a while is any and every time we go to someone else house! So say 5-10x a month is NOT once in a while.


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## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

And, of course, the topic of this thread isn't "will it hurt them" because of course most of us are ok with occasional treats, at some level, and most of us eat what we're offered, to a point. The question here is, why is junk food equated with "love" for so many people? Especially when it is offered to a child?

I think it comes down to the question, is it more loving to give a child what she wants, or to give a child what's good for her? The way our families have answered those questions, historically, will have a great amount of influence on how we answer them ourselves. In many families, it's the parents' job to give the child what's good for her, and the grandparents' (or aunts' or uncles' or godparents', etc.) job to give the child what she wants and never gets at home. This is equated with 'love' and it is easy enough to understand why. My toddler is normally a little reticent, but she showers hugs upon anyone holding chocolate. So I suppose it's only natural for people to want to watch her delight at biting into some bad-for-her-but-yummy 'treat.'

And of course most children want junk food, if they've had any exposure to it. Crap food -- especially crap food designed for children -- has been designed by a lot of very smart people to be as addictive and tastebud-stimulating as possible, so it will be more desirable than natural foods and will therefore make a lot of money. Like a PP said, a child accustomed to jelly beans won't savor the sweetness of a blueberry. Higher profit margin on jellybeans! It's just our job to make sure that junk foods stay out of their regular diet so that they CAN enjoy the real delights of real food. It gives them a better chance at a healthier life and a more joyful relationship with food. And isn't THAT what love is all about?


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## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

When we visit "home", we stay with my DH's grandma. Not because she eats appropriately (she DOESN'T), but because she takes absolutely no offense to us buying/bringing our own food. I stayed with her for a week over the 4th. The only "junk" my DS had was when we went to the two parties (one at my moms, one at MIL's) and luckily (hahaha) DS has Celiac so he stayed away from the worst of it anyway (cookies, cake) without any extra reasoning. I always take a huge bag of organic dry goods (pastas, nut crackers, hazelnut and/or sunflower seed butters, etc) with me when I go - and then pick up produce when I get there. GIL doesn't mind me keeping it in the fridge while we're there and she doesn't mind at all if I prepare all of our own meals. This time around she even tried one







.

Anyway, when it comes to parties and things, I'm just the mean one. And I don't care. My family and DH's are all wonderful, kind people that we get along with... but they are very mainstream and they eat like it. They have identified me as "weird" as far as food - - good. I find that more and more often they pause, look at me and say, "Is it okay for him to have this...?" I either just say "Yes" or "No" and try to do it with a tone of finality. They occasionally ask for reasons and I don't mind explaining......... DS is INSANELY sensitive to gluten, I don't know how/where the food was prepared, he's sensitive to lactose, processed junk constipates him (and my family has actually seen him when constipated, prior to CD diagnosis, not pretty) and we have a whole family problem of damaged guts I'm trying to heal. I try to keep it to a bottom line that I'm saying no because it's important - if it wasn't a big deal, I'd let it slide. But it is a big deal.

I have a niece who is almost exactly the same age as DS. She's not exactly my niece I guess, DH's best friend's daughter. Anyway they've been together since infancy and the way they feed her DISGUSTS ME. She was drinking 10 oz of formula per feeding (NOT an exaggeration) by 4 months old. They skipped baby food (purees) - but they went straight to chips, pretzels, and popcorn. My 8-month-old niece would LITERALLY hang out eating barbeque chips with her parents at game nights on the weekend. Now that she's 3 it's pretty much McDonalds and Burger King. Everything about it frustrates me and grosses me out but hey - she's their kid. And whenever they have cared for DS, they always give him whatever we provide for him and never question it. They are always careful and recently called me to ask if they could bake the cake for his "hometown" birthday party... and asked for instructions (where to get organic ingredients, what kind of flours to use for gluten-free baking, etc). Everyone has the right to make their own decisions about what they put in their bodies, and their kids' bodies... but not my kid's body. The people I get along with the best are the ones who genuinely respect my right to guard his gut!


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

Comtessa has a good point! And I think you are right too PP in saying that people need to RESPECT what a parents choices are for their child. In my family, no one respects my choices because they say "I know it will not hurt her so whats the harm, I just wont tell her mom about it". I wish very much that my friends and family did respect my choices, but they are so confidant that they know Everything and their knowledge tells them that crap food is harmless, therefore DD can have it and they just wont tell me so as not to make me mad. UGH.

And about "occasional junk food is harmless", well I think it depends on the child. If DD even gets a little junk, she gets horrible diarrhea, and gets a rash and tummy ache. Thats not harmless in my opinion because her tummy and the rash ruins at least 1 whole day for her, she cries a lot, and is miserable.

Another point would be that some things that are put in food such as synthetic sweeteners are dangerous neurotoxis, as explained in this video, 




You may not see immediate effects, but who's to say that the child may have had a higher IQ, or not had whatever problem, later in life had he/she not eaten .............. whatever junk it was. Just a thought.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

BTW I was kind of indirectly responding to this post with my above post...thought I'd mention that since people are quoting me now...

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Alenushka*
> 
> There will be no permanent damage from junk food on vacation. We eat healthy organic local food at home, but when we visit friends and relative , we eat what is offered. There is a lesson in that too.


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## cat13 (Dec 8, 2010)

I'm not a parent yet, but I already know this is going to be a problem with my family. My family gives me a hard time for eating SO HEALTHY (although not as healthy as I know I should or want to sometimes). I just tell them, "Look at all the unhealthy stuff you fed me growing up and I struggle every single day to make healthy choices about exercise and food. DH grew up eating well and being really active, and while he can enjoy some junk food here and there, it's a no-brainer for him to choose the healthy options." That's how I want my child to grow up.


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## AnnaBees Mama (Jul 9, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Alenushka*
> 
> There will be no permanent damage from junk food on vacation. We eat healthy organic local food at home, but when we visit friends and relative , we eat what is offered. There is a lesson in that too.


This.

Our philosophy is to eat exceptionally well in our home and then 'do as the Romans do' when we are guests at another person's home. Our daughter will be gently encouraged to choose the best possible options from what is available; but we see at as rude and inconveniencing to expect others to cater to our standards when visiting, or for us to flat out refuse food that they've spent their own time/energy/finances preparing for us because it doesn't meet our exact specifications. When we visit my family, we stay with my mom; there are many reasons for this, but one being that she eats similarly to us so it relieves some of the food burden and we don't feel like odd ducks (and she's cool with us bringing food in). When we stay with others, we try to be gracious and honor the act of them sharing and providing for us by partaking. Pure wholesome foods and excellent nutrition are extremely important for us to impart to DD, but so are social graces and fostering warm relationships with people who think differently from us (especially family). Sometimes, one priority has to give way to make room for another.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *Comtessa*
> 
> And, of course, the topic of this thread isn't "will it hurt them" because of course most of us are ok with occasional treats, at some level, and most of us eat what we're offered, to a point. The question here is, why is junk food equated with "love" for so many people? Especially when it is offered to a child?
> 
> ...


I've been thinking about this, and how I see it is- Love is a long term thing. Your childs life is long term. The happiness that they will get from junk is short term. Very short term. So, I think it is showing your love for them to NOT give in to their wants for junk, and instead do what you know is best for them, because their bodies are literally made out of what they consume, and like I said, they will have that body for the rest of their lives. The love you show them by not doing what everyone else is doing(throwing junk at them all the time) is a greater love than if you were to give in and let them have what they want.

I guess this reminds me of when I was a teenager and I wanted to stay over at a certain friends house because she snuck out of her house at night to go meet up with guys, but my mom would never let me stay over at her house. At the time, I was very unhappy because I could not have what I wanted so bad, but now I am very thankful because who knows what could have happened. I could have ended up pregnant like her at 16 and would not be where I am at now. I believe my mom was showing me love by not letting me have what I wanted, but instead doing what she knew was best for me.


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

I think the tendency to offer children unhealthy food as an act of love comes from the tradition of hospitality where a host offers a guest something they believe the guest will particularly like. It's indisputable that children like sweet things - there have been studies done - so, alas, those treats are often sugary and sometimes veer right into gross territory. Personally, I think it would be thrilling if people offered home-made treats. In my personal fantasy of being a fabulous hostess, I have fresh fruit hand-pies available at all times. Alas, I don't have the time, and neither do the vast majority of people I know.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *1love4ever*
> 
> When you go to a Dr now, they do not even ask about your diet usually!! It is outrageous. Even OBs when you are pregnant (where I live anyway) do not even mention diet, and it is so crucial to a babys development! Same with my neighbors little boy- he has been to the doctor several times a month since he was only a few months old(she started him on solids at 2 months!) for all sorts of stuff from constipation to ear infections to the flu, cold, broncitis, broken arm(obviously he does not drink raw milk or eat raw cheese!), terrible teether, unexplained fever, unexplained crying, and of course vaccinations. And I have asked her a million times if the Drs ever asked about his diet, and she said NO, they dont even mention food or ask about food at all. WOW, seriously, for a kid who has seen you at least 40 times, you do not ask one of the most obvious questions? UGH!


I admit, I haven't surveyed my neighbors, but my kid's doctors (we've seen a total of 6 doctors and 3 pediatric nurse practitioners at two practices) ask about diet at every well visit. Not so much at sick visits - those tend to be shorter. But like I said, I haven't surveyed my neighbors.

I have to say, though, that the collection of illnesses and injuries you list here would not lead me to think the child was malnourished. Ear infections, flu, cold, and bronchitis are all highly contagious and easily transmitted to young children by caregivers and older siblings. In the absence of an underlying genetic condition, a broken arm can sometimes be seen as an indicator of a healthy level of physical activity, depending on the cause (many active kids never break bones, but sedentary kids don't break bones through physical activity and have a really hard time recovering when they're injured in accidents or as a result of abuse). And some people just get unlucky with the constipation.

1love4ever, I hate to sound rude, but you seem kind of hung up on your neighbor's child's diet and medical care. I'm sure it's just the way you're dealing with the topic of this particular thread, because you feel strongly about childhood nutrition and your care in re. your own child's diet leaves you little to comment on, but it does sound a little judgmental. Maybe you have more influence on your neighbor's child's diet if you stopped quizzing her about her child's doctor visits, and just offered him a slice of fruit or some whole grain crackers or whatever your child is eating when they drop in.


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *1love4ever*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


It is, of course, a parent's job to set limits. But the love that my dd got from a relationship that started over tootsie rolls she shared with my great-grandfather will also last a lifetime, even though he has gone. My older dd is the only child in her generation of my extended family to have known him while he was alive. He was very deaf when they met, and she was very shy - she had such a quiet little voice. I thought it would bring him pleasure to see her, but I did not think they would be friends. I am so glad they came to know each other, and when I mourn my grandfather, I mourn the bond my older daughter has and the love that her sister and cousins will never directly know. He sent her a bag of tootsie rolls for her fifth birthday with a note that said "One A Day" in his lovely, loving spike-y handwriting (the same writing that came on notes he sent me in college along with coupons for peanut butter, "For You," and the notes he sent me on news clippings until he died "Sounds Interesting,"). I kept the note - it's in her baby book. He died very old, but I would let my children eat a million more tootsie rolls if he could send a note to my younger dd, too.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

I did not say malnourished(although his head, height and weight are all between 5% and 20%, and have been since she took him off the breast at 6 months), my point is that he has nothing giving him anything to get over illesses, no vitamins, nothing to help his body heal(which you would get from fresh fruits and veggies and other raw food). He was sick for 4 straight months, and my DD was around him every other day(and would sometimes grab his water and drink it) and never caught a thing(one time she had a runny nose for 1 day though). And she is a stay at home mom so her kid is not exposed to other kids except mine. This kid is just an excellent example of what this thread is about, not that I should have to defend myself. And the broken arm thing was ridiculous, I was there. How can your bones be strong and dense if all you eat is chips and hot dogs and candy? I know a few things about other peoples kids, but none enough to speak with confidance about them only eating crap except that little boy and the girl I mentioned above. And the worst part about what you said about me offering him a healthy food when he comes over? She does not bring him to my house because she does not want him to eat the healthy things that I have(she thinks it is mean to "make" a kid eat healthy, but I dont feed DD anything she does not like, in fact she loves fruit and a lot of veggies)!! I offered him watermelon that DD was eating one time, and she gave me a disgusted look but let him have it anyway. He actually ate a little bit of it and she made him stop because dinner was in 2 hours. Like watermelon really fills you up....

I guess it may have sounded like I quiz her about her Dr visits but I do not. Like I said before, she calls me every time he goes to the doctor and she tells me everything that happened and everything that was said, and sometimes I ask her if the Dr asked about diet and she says NO, and other times she tells me straight out that her Dr "did not even mention diet so obviously it is not important." (she also calls me because I dont take DD to every well child check because I dont vaccinate so she thinks that by telling me all the "crucial" information that she got that she can influence me to go see the Dr so she encourages me to ask her questions) No Dr that I have ever seen has ever asked me about my or my childs diet, and I have asked several other friends who are healthy eaters about it, and their Drs have never asked either. Maybe it is the extremely conservative area we live in.....

Again, not that I should have to defend everything that I say. I am not rude to my neighbor and our friends actually say that I should try harder to get her to improve her kids diet because of how sick he always is (he has basically not been well since he got off formula and on to all solids and regular pasturized cows milk) but I tell them that I am not going to harass her about it or she will hate me. She knows how I feel, she knows what she feeds him is not healthy but she thinks thats ok(mainly I think because she trusts 100% in Drs and if the Dr did not mention it, then it is not important). I have told her and I continue to mention to her every once in awhile these things and she knows that if she ever has questions she can ask. Like a PP said, we need to respect other parents choices for their children (even if they are poor choices). There is nothing wrong with trying to reason with them, but if they wont listen, that is still their kid and it is their right to give them what they choose. All we can really do is just sit in the background and feel sorry for them. Yes of course offer them something healthy if we get the chance with their parents permission and believe me I do try.


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

I don't know my own children's records well enough to say with any certainty what trends they have been following on the growth curve. It sounds like you need to disengage from discussions of health and nutrition with your neighbor.


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## rabbitmomma (Dec 15, 2010)

We have this problem already and our baby isn't even born yet. My mother in law is huge on feeding treats and junk to our pets, particularly our dog and rabbits. We're really big on nutrition, and that includes our pets. I have small, organic dog treats in a container in the kitchen that I ask all of our relatives to use instead of their own. I purposefully cut the treats up into quarters beforehand so that dog doesn't get over fed when company is over. Well, this doesn't fly with mother in law, who despite my requests insists on bringing her own horribly unhealthy brands of dog treats with her everywhere (I think they're called choco-bones- chocolate treats that are "safe" for dogs







) and feeding them to him in mass amounts. When I tell her that we don't want to feed our dog junk, she gives me the whole "how can you be so mean and strict with your poor dog" lecture as if feeding him healthy, natural food is being strict. And don't even get me started on our rabbits who she likes to feed bread and yoghurt of all things. I had a rabbit die last year from being fed junk, yep junk food literally kills rabbits, and yet she still thinks I'm being the mean one for not letting them have the "occasional treat". Drives me nuts!

I cringe to think what it's going to be like when DD is old enough to be fed treats.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *stik*
> 
> I don't know my own children's records well enough to say with any certainty what trends they have been following on the growth curve. It sounds like you need to disengage from discussions of health and nutrition with your neighbor.


?? Why are you so concerned about my relationship with my neighbor? As I said before, she calls me and tells me everything that happened at the Dr including is height, weight and head and what they were on the % growth charts and I remember that DD was always smaller than him (because boys are bigger, she's always been at 50% for everything) until he was no longer breastfed and was on more and more solids and he just kept going down and down on the charts and now he is at 5%. Why do you feel that I should have to defend everything that I say to you?


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

It's not my intention to suggest that you have to defend yourself to me. I'm sorry I came across that way. I disagree with you on some points and I felt the need to point out alternate explanations.

I think your neighbor is deliberately winding you up.


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

*Why is offering lots of unhealthy, processed foods considered a "loving" gesture?*

In answering the OP's original title: I see this from a slightly different perspective. It seems that throughout humankind, offering food has been a loving gesture. We have opened up our homes and offered weary travelers food; we nurse sick people back to health with warm food; family celebrations tend to center around food...just to name a few. I think the wider problem now is the incredible misinformation and lack of education regarding nutrition, as well as lack of investment (emotional and practical) in good food preparation. It doesn't help that the most widely marketed foods are junk foods, and that junk food (or bad food) is often quick and cheap (or at least the perception is that it is cheap). The love of offering food is still there...it is just that the type of food offered has taken a negative turn.

I was lucky that I came from a long line of people who loved to cook and prepare food. As adults, both my siblings and I love to prepare food. We were allowed sweets every day (even though my dad was a dentist) and we had an occassional trip to McDonalds growing up. What mattered, though, in the long term, was the modeling of a respect and love for food that you can't get out of a box. Look at the overall American diet...it is crap. I think all this started in the first part of the 20th century when easy foods were marketed (vegetables in cans; instant mashed potatoes; hot dogs; etc.). I think this stuff has a time and place (we stock a few cans of canned soup for when we all get colds or come down with the flu), but I think that processed foods have become a mainstay rather than an occassional convenience. A lot of people see processed foods and junk as food...as perfectly normal nutrition. Everything else is pretty much fringe (reserved for health food nuts, vegans, abnormal people...LOL). So, I think that when they offer this kind of stuff, it seems perfectly normal, loving, sincere.

While I have no issues with this kind of thing with my family, shopkeepers in my neighborhood are always trying to pass off lollipops to DD. Some are kind enough to ask me first. I have nothing against lollipops...I think they're fine in moderation and as long as they aren't a daily habit. I do have problems with the way our present society views food and consumes food. It is all messed up.

OP, when we travel, we do take a lot of food with us (we're vegetarians so that it part of the reason), plus we scope out stores in the towns where we are visiting and offer to make food or buy food for some of our family members. They tend to enjoy that and we feel like we are contributing in some respects.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

poverty affects people in many different ways. for some people who live with minimal income, time is a major factor in decisions that are made about food. so is education about healthy foods, preparation, and the ability to read and interpret labels. also, MANY people live in locations that are far from stores that sell anything besides junk, and transportation is a barrier to accessing healthy food. It's pretty easy to walk to the corner and get junky stuff but much more difficult to orchestrate a family trip on the bus to the grocery store and struggle home with large packages.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mommy212*
> 
> it is weird to me how poor people can afford soda and junk food too. We were very broke when I was a kid, and we ate a good amount of pre-packaged food (think rice-a-roni and hamburger helper) but junk was a huge treat at our house because it was such a waste of money- my mom was no health nut, but she still wanted us to have a meat and starch or 2 veggies at dinner every night and eggs for breakfast more than she wanted soda and candy, and that's where the food money went. It's mostly the same philosophy I have now, only tweaked a little- like I buy really nice meat from a small butcher shop and we eat a lot less of it, and I make a ton of stuff from scratch because it's cheaper.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

to answer the original question, though:

we are surrounded by media that enforces the idea that the unhealthy stuff is somehow better. there aren't really ads on tv for homegrown tomatoes. that's how capitalism works, you know.. to sell us something that we don't need and to separate us from the idea that we could do something/make something/grow something for ourselves.

the fight for healthy food goes SO deep. evil people are trying to patent seeds in such a way to remove the autonomy from farmers.. and pass legislation that makes it difficult if not impossible for people to provide sustenance for themselves-- neighborhoods that outlaw chickens, bans on raw milk, etc.

there's a lot of money being poured into marketing the products that are processed. some of it's not even direct marketing... there's much being done behind the scenes, such as placement in the grocery store of the crap cereal at eye level for kids, for example. packaging and DIRECT advertising for children, who are incredibly susceptible to commercials. they are advertised to and the ad companies call it the "whine factor," meaning the kids will whine for the product if they make it look good enough and the parents will usually give in.

because when it comes down to it, we as parents do NOT like to deny our children things.

and again, that's part of our consumerist culture.. we are told again and again that love is expressed in the things we purchase. work out of home mamas also are told repeatedly to assuage guilt by buying stuff.

lots of times that stuff we buy turns out to be food.

i guess in the case of your well-meaning relatives, they are probably influenced by the many factors that suggest things like kids LIKE the crap stuff. kids will only EAT the crap stuff. sometimes even the commercials and tv enforce this.. think of all those ads that suggest or imply that kids won't eat broccoli or spinach. or that you have to force them to. and obviously, when given the crap stuff... it's made so that we respond to it. sugar is addictive and provides some brain chemistry altering reactions that initially seem positive. to somebody who has limited interaction with kids, it's an easy way to provide happiness that is immediate and visible!


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

What she said.

Also, I dont think that a lot of these people have a good idea of what "healthy" means. To some of my family members salad is what you eat for "diet food".

This happened to me the other day:

MIL (who everyone knows Im not a fan of) brought food to a restaurant for DD to eat. DD eats real restaurant food, she does not need "kiddie food" as MIL calls it.
Out comes the following onto the table:
Cheezits
Lucky Charms
yogurt drop bites (DD hasnt eaten these since she was like 8 months old)
frosted animal crackers

I wanted to kill her, but instead I say, "Id really like DD to eat some real food. And she responded, "well, I brought milk for her cereal." Vanilla Nesquick. We dont do non hormone free milk at all. Ive already had a huge fit about Chocolate milk. At any rate, I said, "well, something healthy- not cereal". And she said "everything here is healthy except the cookies."

And she really believed it. I think if she spent a week at our house she might understand what I mean when I say "healthy" but otherwise, she thinks that these pre packaged foods ARE healthy. Jeeze, they say "with calcium:" right on the front of the box, so how can that NOT be healthy?


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

hildare is totally right, she has some excellent points.

PP, this reminds me of the time a friend was giving her 11month old Chef Boyardee raviolies from a can for lunch. She said to me "I love these things, they are so easy AND healthy!" I asked in what way are they healthy, and she said "Well look! It says they have 1 serving of vegetables per can right here! A whole serving!" I thought WOW you seriously believe that the overly processed garbage in that can is as good as giving your kid some real tomatoes.

It cracks me up when I see packages of animal crackers that say "excellent source of calcium, vitamin D, Vitamin C" etc..... I think to myself "now how could that package have the claimed 100% DV of those things if its made of bleached wheat flour and sugar? Who believes that? Who is dumb enough to think "Oh, I'll give my kid this package of crackers and then I wont have to worry about giving him milk for his calcium needs, taking him outside for some vitamin D or giving him any fresh fruits or veggies for his vit c because that is all covered by this package of crackers"

Anyway, our society is ridiculous.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> What she said.
> 
> ...


Sounds like my MIL! She thinks fruit gummie snacks are actually a fruit group selection. She actually yelled at dh once a couple of years ago for getting more salad (that I brought) because "there is Meat Lover's Pizza here!". There really is no coincidence that dh is diabetic.


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## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

I have posted several times about similar issues with MIL--the same stuff that Holly deals with. And Holly--good for standing your ground. She probably looked at the nutritional information on the Lucky Charms and said "Well, it says vitamins and minerals." Of course, Snickers bars also have peanuts, so they're healthy, right?







We've talked with MIL about our feelings about sugar, food color, additives and organics (which we don't do a lot of, but try to do stuff like pick blueberries from spray-free farms), and she honestly just doesn't get it. She's from a generation, I think, that was probably glad to have food of any kind available. That said, many grandparents (she's in her 70s) also had "organic" gardens...they just ate what they could plant in their backyards. That has actually been a good conversation we've been able to have with her since she has a garden. She knows if she grows it and doesn't spray it, we will be so happy to serve it to our LO (whether he'll actually eat it or not is another issue, but we make a big deal out of saying how much he loves her strawberries and that kind of thing).

Honestly, my feeling is that there is just kind of a lot of rampant ignorance about nutrition. The folks on this forum know better because, for whatever reason, we have been exposed to books or articles or research or what have you. We've learned more about what constitutes healthy food than many other people. We weren't born with the knowledge about nutrition that we have. I didn't know nearly as much about real nutrition as I thought I did until I got GD with my children (and, for the record, I have always been slightly underweight--I had two obese grandparents and two very slender ones--and 3 out of the 4 of them were on insulin). I learned though that GD experience, some good books, some documentaries, some MDC. Not everyone has access to these resources and not everyone would choose to learn more even if they did have access.

I definitely agree that media has a ton to do with it. This is one of many reasons we haven't had a t.v. since '99.


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