# mouth "washed out" with soap?



## Mona (May 22, 2003)

This is spured by an Activist thread. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hreadid=115687

I'm wondering how many of us had this done to us as children.

I did. I have talked about it a few times.
I discussed it today with a friend and my DH. They were both mortified. I time travelled back to those days, and remembered the taste... how hard- impossible- it was to get the taste out of my mouth.

yuch.









So is this still going on? Did it happen to you?


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## MamaMonica (Sep 22, 2002)

Me, too. This happened to me several times a week when I was probably 7-11 years old- the soap bar crammed in my mouth. Once my mother was in a hot rage at me and pried mouth open and squirted the dish detergent in there until I threw up.

It was standard proceedure in child rearing back then, I guess







I would never ever consider this- it means nothing for discipline. It made no sense to me at the time and I still am traumatized.


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

Yuck, I had it done several times...it was awful.

My mom also once brushed my teeth with SoftScrub with Bleach because I forgot to brush my teeth for 2 days. She was a little nuts, though.









She was a big fan of washing mouths out with soap...







I think it is so wrong and humiliating for a child.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

Well I am 41 and my oldest sibling is 52. We never had our mouths washed out with soup, I don't even think it was threatened as don't remeber even hearding the phrase. So I don't think it was a it was standard procedure in child rearing back then. I think the first time I heard the expression was back in the 80's when a Christmas story came out.


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## Mona (May 22, 2003)

i just added the activist thread link to my OP.

is that ok or am i going to get in trouble with the mods?


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## manitoba_mommy (Jun 20, 2003)

I had my mouth washed out with soap once and that was by a friends mom. My friend got mad at me, bit her arm and then went and told her mother that I bit her. We were only 3 and 4 at the time. He mom refused to listen to me when I said I did not do it, and gave me the choice between appologising and having my mouth washed out. I of course said I didn't do it, and I was not going to say sorry for something I did not do.

So, she washed my mouth out wiht soap. To this day my mom thinks it is funny and that I deserved it. One of her fave stories







:

MM


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## Mona (May 22, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by HollyBearsMom_
*Well I am 41 and my oldest sibling is 52. We never had our mouths washed out with soup, I don't even think it was threatened as don't remeber even hearding the phrase. So I don't think it was a it was standard procedure in child rearing back then. I think the first time I heard the expression was back in the 80's when a Christmas story came out.*
FWIW
my mom, who is in her 60's, had this done to her.
i am 33.
i'm not so sure this is a generational thing...


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## moonmamma3 (Feb 5, 2004)

Hi Mona,

The memory of watching my brother get this punishment from my mom, is so sad for me (this was about 40 years ago). *I* was the one who told on him, and she must have been overly frustrated already or mad or something. She put liquid soap in his mouth and he struggled with getting it out (coughing, gagging, crying) for about 1/2 hour. I remember being so scared, and my mother looked terrified as she helped him in the bathroom. After that, I wondered what soap was like to taste, and I actually tasted it a week or so later -- just a drop. It was terrible tasting and again, I couldn't image how it felt to my brother.

I've done a lot of parenting advise volunteering at other parenting sites, for the last 7 years. Unfortunately, this mode of punishment STILL comes up in questions and conversations today. Lots of parents still believe this is non-harmful to do to kids, they WANT to do something distasteful and uncomfortable to them to punish them for "cussing" and "back-talk".

Here are some links I recently found on the topic... even the "Disney" site warns of risks/harms. I have a friend in the medical field who talks of seeing a boy come in to the ER with breathing difficulties due to soap in the mouth, also I know a woman who herself went to the hospital due to an allergic reaction to soap in the mouth. She doesn't remember too much of the incident (the actual punishment and swelling), but she does remember being in the hospital, getting all that attention and her mother being devastated -- and never doing that again!

http://familyfun.go.com/raisingkids/...9enc_prof.html

http://familyfun.go.com/raisingkids/...swearing2.html

From ivillage --

http://www.parentsplace.com/toddlers...105905,00.html

And here's an article that I thought was interesting because it discussed kids being stoic during this punishment (which the kid actors are in the commercial)....

http://www.familyeducation.com/exper...-17066,00.html

Plus, here's a health link...

http://www.healthcentral.com/peds/top/002739.cfm

I'm not sure of the rules here about providing links to articles, I hope this is OK.

mm


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

My parents NEVER did this, or even threatened or alluded to it.


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

Soap, hot sauce, yup. Absolutly a terrible way to "teach a lesson". I'd never do it. My parents did a great job of teaching me how not to parent.


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## artemesia (Nov 27, 2001)

For most of my childhood my Grandma watched us and while I don't remember having it done, it was an explicit threat. We were told that saying bad words would get us the "brown soap", an ancient bar of soap that was kept under the laundry sink in the basement. We rarely misbehaved for our grandmother though, it just didn't seem like an option.


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## smittenmom (Mar 2, 2003)

My mother did it to me once for spitting at my little sister. I was probably 4 or 5. I threw up, so she never tried it again. :LOL


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## Mona (May 22, 2003)

'thanks for all the replies and info
I have to admit, this did not happen to me very often, so it was painful to read some of the accounts where it happened regularly.









This has been helpful for me to deal with some issues that i had buried. Such an act dampens the spirit of a child, IMO. It is very sad. And it makes me mad.


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## Alegria (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi I'm alegria and my mouth was washed out with soap for talking in bed when the lights were out.


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## reeseccup (Jul 3, 2003)

I'm in my 30's and all my siblings and I had our mouths washed out with soap OFTEN...it's very difficult to this day and I have to really think about it, to form the word "ain't", but I do say curse words including "darn"







I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER (did i get my point across) use that as a form of discipline. A few years back, a child sufficated to death when her mother used dish soap to wash her mouth out. I find it amaizing I lived past my childhood. OH, btw







glycerine soap was tollerable, darnit though it wasn't used as much. She would litterally take a bar of soap and rub it into our teeth all over out mouths and sit there for a bit to make sure we didn't spit it out...we learned early on how to not swallow and as soon as she left we'd spit and brush.


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## reeseccup (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by mama_kass_
*My parents did a great job of teaching me how not to parent.*
nod yeah mine did and awsome job of that one as well.


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## noodle4u (Jul 19, 2002)

I remember having my mouth washed out with soap. I still feel angry and helpless whenever I think about.
Both my mom and my sisters used to punish me with it. Was worse coming from my sisters. Yuck!


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## indiegirl (Apr 15, 2002)

I am 28 and my mouth was washed with soap on several occasions as a child--one time I lied and told my mother I had not watched Jaws on TV when I had. Another time was for saying "Jesus Christ" when I was mad. All under the age of 7--then I got taken away from her! Not for soap washing, though!


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## Plady (Nov 20, 2001)

I remember my mom washing my mouth out with soap at least once and with white vineagar (not really "washing" but I guess she was making some correlation to nasty words=nasty taste).

I sympathize with all of you who found this abusive but I didn't think it was so awful. I think I probably had to lick a bar of Ivory and then got to rinse it out with plenty of water.

It may have not been such a big deal because
a) it only happened once
b) my mom was not especially angry when she did it so it didn't seem like the world's scariest moment
c) my mom used to always talk about how she loved to lick Ivory soap while she was pregnant









I admit I have occaisionally thought about it and whether or not I'd ever employ it as a means to discourage bad language. I kind of doubt it will ever come to that. I remember developing an incredibly crass vocabulary as soon as I thought I was old enough (10 years old I think) and to this day I have to try to check my f-words around dd. I think instead I'll try to be a little less prissy than my mom was about it and just try to teach her manners by having them myself.


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## Nikki Christina (Mar 27, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Plady_
*I sympathize with all of you who found this abusive but I didn't think it was so awful. I think I probably had to lick a bar of Ivory and then got to rinse it out with plenty of water.

*
eh well.. Id imagine theres a huge difference from being made to lick a bar & having liguid soap squirted in your mouth or a bar ground in your teeth..

not that I would know about either.. my mom was never crazy enough to make me do either..

but man.. you cant say you would definetly never do this??? thats just disturbing

soap was made to wash bodies .. not to punish children


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## mamaroni (Sep 12, 2003)

Yep, me too. It was my (wicked?) stepmother. I don't recall specifically how many times, but I do distinctly recall one time when I was barely 5 years old--she scraped it on my teeth and wouldn't give me a drink. she had other forms of humiliation she liked to use as well.

Now that I have kids, I can't imagine EVER doing it! WTF???


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

and I did this one time to my ds-I wish I had known so many things when I had him that I learned about when I had dd and ds#2.
That there were other things beside Ferber,cio, etc etc.. I did it at one time but thank the Goddess I learned better not too long after that...
one of our old peds even advocated this as a proper punishment








Now when other parents ask me should I do this guess what I say..


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## TexasSuz (Mar 4, 2002)

I had this done to me by a day care when I was 4! I still remember that horrible taste. If fact all of the horrible punishments I experienced were in day cares. My sweet momma was a single mom and was so good to us - it broke her heart to have to send us to day care. I guess that's why I never leave my child in anyone else's care (besides dh and my mom). Oh the horrible memories!

(I am talking day care chains that popped up in the early 1970s - not home day cares).


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## TinyBabyBean (Oct 18, 2003)

Not me. But, I had a neighbor the other day telling me how annoyed she was that it was against the law now to put soap or hotsauce in your kids mouths. Her son is 3!!!!!







:


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## TinyBabyBean (Oct 18, 2003)

Oh. And she wants to do this because her son calls her an idiot and stupid. Sounds like she is to me!!! lol!


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## mamaroni (Sep 12, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by TinyBabyBean_
*Oh. And she wants to do this because her son calls her an idiot and stupid.*
He probalby only calls her that because she calls him that, KWIM?? And people wonder why thier kids say such things!


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## TinyBabyBean (Oct 18, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by mamaroni_
*He probalby only calls her that because she calls him that, KWIM?? And people wonder why thier kids say such things!*
Oh I am sure she is from the way it sounds. Or that he is hearing her or DH say that to each other. Either way he learned it from them I am sure. So sad.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

My stepfather put it in my mouth when I was 3. He never even warned me that the "f" word was bad, just made me eat soap. That was how I learned to be afraid of talking in front of him.
I learned the word from him in the first place.
When my son swears, I just remind him that it is a bad word. I need to quit swearing myself. I feel like such a hypocrite.


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## SpringRain (Nov 19, 2001)

With my mom it was red pepper on the tongue







Water just made it worse. I will never do that to my girls!!


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

I had it done to me. My mother would rub the soap into/ onto my braces, depending on whether she used a bar or liquid.


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## Annabel (Jul 15, 2003)

It never happened to me, but when I was 7 my teacher did it to a boy in my class. It was horrible, she made the entire class watch.


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## Plaid Leopard (Sep 26, 2003)

This never happened to me but I remember seeing the teachers doing it to other kids at my Montessori preschool.

My parents poured a pitcherfull of cold water on my face when I was lying on the floor throwing a tantrum. Not as bad as soap, I'm sure, but still... I just can't imagine doing that to my children. I can still see them looming over me and remember the shock of the cold water hitting my face. UGh.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by artemesia_
*For most of my childhood my Grandma watched us and while I don't remember having it done, it was an explicit threat. We were told that saying bad words would get us the "brown soap", an ancient bar of soap that was kept under the laundry sink in the basement. We rarely misbehaved for our grandmother though, it just didn't seem like an option.*
I don't remember it ever being done to me, but I remember this threat of the ancient bar of soap coming from my mother. She may have done it to my siblings tho. It is just awful. So humiliating. I can't even imagine it being done at school by a teacher. Yikes.


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## ComaWhite (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:

She would litterally take a bar of soap and rub it into our teeth all over out mouths and sit there for a bit to make sure we didn't spit it out...we learned early on how to not swallow and as soon as she left we'd spit and brush.
We got it with *pumice soap.*


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Moving this to Parenting Issues...


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## Zanymom (Sep 2, 2003)

I am 24. I was 5 or so I think. I don't remember what I said. But I do remember my mom lathering up the bar of soap and sticking it in my mouth. Then she set a timer and I had to sit there







One time she got a tooth brush and scrub the bar of soap and then my mouth. Yuck yuck yuck!

I would never dream of doing that to my kids.


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## Susana (Feb 26, 2002)

I was 7 years old, and I asked my mom what the f word meant. I actually said the word when asking. Next thing I remember was my mom holding me down on the bathroom floor and putting a bar of white soap in my mouth, complete with the scraping of the teeth.
I didn't know what I did wrong either, I just remember being scared and bewildered.

Never in a bazillion years would I degrade or hurt my children like that.

I cuss like a sailor now...yep, in front of my mom. No f word though!


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## Plady (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:

but man.. you cant say you would definetly never do this??? thats just disturbing
Hey Nikki Christina,








I don't think I deserve the attitude for admitting to having a thought. Like I said before, I'm sorry so many people had such violent experiences with this. Based on my own experience I don't think it is necessarily always so abusive. I also didn't say I thought it was a good idea.
Having thought police like you on the boards could really inhibit the level of honesty in the posts, and where would that get anyone?


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## Kylix (May 3, 2002)

Never had this done to me. Nor was it done to my siblings although my sister was threatened once to be popped in the mouth for back talk.

I find that to be more common.

Kylix


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## mamacrab (Sep 2, 2002)

Oh my goodness, this thread is just so sad and disturbing!!!

Big hugs







to all you mamas who experienced this. No one should ever be treated that way, and especially not by their parents! I'm nearly in tears reading about these memories.

And even bigger hugs for treating your own kids with the respect and gentleness that every child deserves! (especially when that same kindness was not extended to you)


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Plady_
*Hey Nikki Christina,








I don't think I deserve the attitude for admitting to having a thought. Like I said before, I'm sorry so many people had such violent experiences with this. Based on my own experience I don't think it is necessarily always so abusive. I also didn't say I thought it was a good idea.
Having thought police like you on the boards could really inhibit the level of honesty in the posts, and where would that get anyone?*
Penelope-

With all due respect - conversely, it is Nikki Christina's right to react negatively to YOUR post, too....she was just being honest, like you were. Calling her the "thought police" is very disrespectful of her opinions.

JMO.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

I had my mouth washed out with soap once and that was by a friends mom. My friend got mad at me, bit her arm and then went and told her mother that I bit her. We were only 3 and 4 at the time. He mom refused to listen to me when I said I did not do it, and gave me the choice between appologising and having my mouth washed out. I of course said I didn't do it, and I was not going to say sorry for something I did not do.
*That* would be my little sister. She constantly bit herself and then got me in trouble for it (I was "the liar"














. Anyway, I finally went into my bedroom and tried to knock my teeth out on the edge of my desk. Didn't work so I got a hammer. Between the desk and the hammer I got my two front teeth out (no idea how old I was, but obviously young enough to still have only baby teeth). The next time my sister did that, I bit myself on the arm and showed my parents how the bite marks looked different. So *that* ended







:

I definatley had my mouth washed out with soap. As did my siblings (ages 24-43). As have some of my nieces & nephews. I never would, but honestly compared to the screwed up parenting practices out there this doesn't even register on my radar.


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## Nikki Christina (Mar 27, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Plady_
*Hey Nikki Christina,








I don't think I deserve the attitude for admitting to having a thought. Like I said before, I'm sorry so many people had such violent experiences with this. Based on my own experience I don't think it is necessarily always so abusive. I also didn't say I thought it was a good idea.
Having thought police like you on the boards could really inhibit the level of honesty in the posts, and where would that get anyone?*
you didnt say it was a bad idea either.. just one you had considered.. but *doubt* you will have to use







:
& yuppers I think its abuse & think its disturbing someone would consider doing it

did you forget what board you are on??


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

I got my mouth washed out with soap many times for "cussing," which I never understood cause both my parents swore heavily, and right in front of me. I made up my mind that I would never do that to my kids ! So now my boys both "cuss" once in awhile in front of me and do not get punished. I would much rather just teach them when its ok to use language like that and when its "improper" (they actually seem to already know that...they cuss at home but not at school/ day care/ grandparents house, etc.). I figure they'll end up swearing someday anyway, so why worry too much ? I think this is much better than abusing a kid with soap in the mouth.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

I asked DH if he had had his mouth washed out with soap (he was spanked maybe once and his parents were pretty GD). He said twice. But that his mom waited until he was too old--- both times he took a *BITE* of the soap and chewed it up and swallowed while staring her in the eyes. She gave up after that. :LOL


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

Just posting to remind everybody that attacking members in your posts is against the rules...









If anybody has any problems with a post, please bring it to my attention rather than post to the thread about it.

thanks!


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## Friendlymama (Nov 13, 2002)

My grandma did this to me once. I remember it was bar soap.

Poor grandma- she had her share of problems and wasn't perfect by any measure, but other than the "soap episode" she was fantastic to me.


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## Jane (May 15, 2002)

I never had my mouth washed out with soap. I asked my husband, too, since he was subjected to lots of strange, humiliating child-rearing practices from his step-mom, but she missed that one. So, nope for us.
I remember it coming up several times from adults, but my mother somehow communicated to me that that was never going to happen to me.

I *think* it could probably be used in a humiliating OR a non-humiliating way, just like spanking or time-out or grounding or CIO or anything. But I wouldn't have it in my arsenal, 'cause I don't need it. Attitude is more important than technique.


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## samsara (Jan 4, 2003)

funny the things that move me out of lurkdom to post here...

...a couple of years ago, my sister tells me about my nephew, 5 at the time, working on his homework in the dining room with his siblings; she peeks around the corner in time to hear him say, "damn! how do you make a three?" she says, "so i yanked him out of his chair, dragged him into the bathroom by his arm, took a couple of pumps of that antibacterial handsoap and shoved it in his mouth! he was gagging and crying and he threw up -- he'll never say _that_ again!" she was actually laughing while telling me this story, it was so horrible; i told her i thought it was abusive and she was mortified, claiming that, "when you have kids, you'll see."

it was never done to me, but i felt really bad for my nephew. and what do you know? now that i have a child, i can honestly say that i will never do it to him.


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## pilesoflaundry (Dec 9, 2003)

It was not done to me or my siblings. My mom had it done to her though. And I will not ever do it to my kids.

My son willing eats soap!! We have to hide glycerin soap or bubbles because he likes the taste uke, I caught him tasting it in the bathroom once. It actually concerns me a bit...








s to anyone that had that done as a child, how awful







.


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

I had this done to me also. Maybe 6 or 7 times. Once for sticking my tongue out at a friend while we where playing and she did it to me too. My mother thought I had done it to her. (Go figure??) Anyway, she never let me explain, so there you go.
It was always racked across my teeth so it stuck in them and took forever to get out. Then I was spanked and sent to my room. Real nice parenting technique!

I have a "friend" (not really close to her now) how use to use tobassco and soap in her dds mouth if she got "sassy". My niece also uses pepper or some kind of hot sauce in her 3 dd's mouths if they "talk back". It makes me sick to even think about it.

I wouldn't do it to my kids. Besides it being just palin mean IT'S GROSS!









H


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## aguacates (Sep 17, 2003)

My grandma did this to me when I was about five. I can't remember what I did, just the taste of soap...

It's funny, I remember flipping my dad off at the dinner table (I rode the bus with highschoolers in kindegarten) and he asked me what I thought it meant. I honestly had no idea, and he told me it meant 'intercourse' I still had no idea what it meant, but was mortified, and probably didn't flip anyone off again.

And whatever I said to my grandma that made her wash my mouth out, I'm sure I've said it since.


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## Glitterbeam (Jul 26, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by andrea88_
*My father did the same, but used the pumice soap.







*
When I read that my hand flew up automatically to protect my mouth.









I never had it done to me... I just got spanked.







: I saw it done to my cousin though and it looked awful. I would never ever do anything like that to my child.


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## Glitterbeam (Jul 26, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by TiredX2_
*Anyway, I finally went into my bedroom and tried to knock my teeth out on the edge of my desk. Didn't work so I got a hammer. Between the desk and the hammer I got my two front teeth out (no idea how old I was, but obviously young enough to still have only baby teeth). The next time my sister did that, I bit myself on the arm and showed my parents how the bite marks looked different. So *that* ended







:
*
Oh my God, that is so horrible.







I don't know how you did that but I could just cry thinking of the desperation that could drive a child to cause themselves that much pain.


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## kimberlylibby (Dec 28, 2003)

I had my mouth washed out and I found it truly revolting.

My sister does it with her oldest son (3 1/2) and it KILLS me.

she does it it he gets out of bed at night.... is that even a RELATED punishment?? I don't htink so!!!


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