# natural consequences of hitting



## nannymom (Jan 23, 2004)

I have posted here a few times about my problems with my 2 year olds violent behavior. I have been trying to use natural consequences as much as possible.

Today, she kicked my in the eye. She hits me any time she is displeased with what is happening. My question is what is the natural consequence of hitting and kicking?


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## MelKnee (Dec 5, 2001)

The natural consequence is that mommy is hurt and upset and doesn't want to sit near dd anymore. I would model gentleness for her, take her hand and pat my arm gently and say, "Be gentle". Then, I would move away from her and say, "When you hit me, it hurts. I will sit with you when you can be gentle". Repeat a thousand times until she gets it.


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## carmel23 (Jul 21, 2006)

my toddler is now 3 years old, but when he would hit me (usually when he wanted something that we didn't have at the time or I had to take something away from him that was causing problems) I would say OUCH! and move away saying, "mommy doesn't like to be hit." And then move away from him--into another room, and divert my attention from him. He would usually come in and say sorry and pat the area that was hit and be real sweet. I think that the most effective thing was him loosing my attention-- that got his attention real fast!


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## numericmama (Apr 27, 2005)

I'm sorry you are being hurt. These little guys/gals are strong!

What worked for us was to:

1. block the hit before connection.
2. Say "No hitting, hitting hurts."
3. Address the emotions behind the behavior.
For us, it was anger. So I would say.
"I can see you are very angry with Mommy about the X. It's scarry to be angry at Mommy isn't it. "

If he tried to keep hitting, I would block and say again "No hitting, hitting hurts. You can be angry (Mad) but no hitting."

If I needed to, I would do the bear hug, which would mean that I would sit behind him and restrain him until he had control of his body again, then I could release him.

We were lucky in that acknowledging the emotions behind the hitting (of me) took away the need to hit.

I have also heard of people having success offering other things to hit until the child could get their emotions out.

Good Luck!


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I say "Don't hit me. I don't like to be hit. If you're frustrated/over excited/angry you can do x." Where x is an alternative way of expressing the impulse. Dc learns that feelings are ok, and learns socially acceptable ways of expressing them.
(Ds doesn't really hit out of anger, so these are just ideas). So for angery hitting, maybe growl like a lion, make a mad face, say "I feel angry!" clench fists, jump up and down, etc.


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## vgnmama2keller (Apr 27, 2006)

I might say:

Ouch, you hit me and it hurt me. you may not hit. Hitting hurts and we do not hit. You wanted me to play with you (or read to you or whatever it is that you think it is they really wanted- you wanted to take that toy home) and that is why you hit me. Next time you can say... I want to play with you...I want that toy...I'm bored...I'm angry. and you may touch me like this to get my attention (take tehir hand and show a gentle touch) (this is all from Becky Bailey's books Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline- which I think is a great book!)

And of course this takes time and patience and time and time and time!







But it is not only giving them the words to use when they feel that way but it is also showing them your love by helping them through a difficult time with patience and guidance instead of avoidance and anger.


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