# Help, 3 yr old son frequent masturbating



## kimmygurl (May 5, 2005)

My Son was born masturbating. He was literally born in the hospital holding and playing with his penis. In the hospital we were surprised, but ignored it and didn't think much of it. But after we got home, whenever he was having a diaper change or was given a bath, his hand would gravitate towards his penis, and I would always have to grab his hand off to put his diaper back on. But he would often fight with me and want to keep placing his hand there. Now he is three years old and doesn't wear diapers anymore but ever since he was out of diapers he's been masturbating 24/7. If he is standing up or running around his hand is lieing in front of his pants holding the tip of his penis, if he is sitting down he is squirming around on his seat, and if he is lieing down on his back he holds his penis in one hand and shakes it up and down, and if he is lieing on his stomach he likes to rock his waste over a fist he makes with his left hand. We've tried to ignore the activity until we realized that that hasn't helped to stop his behaviour. What concerns me more is that it is constant and seems like a 24/7 thing. Perhaps when he gets older he may learn to do it in private but I'm still worried it will be an obsession all his life, and wow, something that started in the womb b4 he was born?? What kinds of things might you suggest?


----------



## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

most little boys i have changed diapers on reach for thier penis when you take the diaper off. i mean not every single time, but my son sure did!

i am only going on what you said above , so i know i dont have the whole picture, but i will try to respond

it sounds to me that you never fully ignored it. when ds used to do it as a baby i would literally put the diaper on over his hand till he felt it there, and i would gently pull his hand out so that he would think i was getting his hand out of the way of the diaper, *not* taking his penis away from him, know what i mean? if you pull thier hand away it becomes this whole taboo thing. but to ds it just seemed like his hand was in the way of diaper. he never felt he couldnt grab his penis.

not saying you caused it cuz thats probably not true, but i wonder how much your discomfort has played a role?

my friend has twin boys and when they were 3 she would call them little perverts cuz of how obsessed they were ( to me, not in front of them) they were naked 24 hours a day practically and always rubbing on things to experiment. it was pretty gross! but she would just make a joke or ignore it or remind them to to that in thier room. they are 5 now and i havent heard about any pervert activity at all in at least a year or so.

its a sensitive subject and its hard to know how to "ignore" it or when not to, etc. like the other morning my son woke up and said his pee-pee was standing up, and wanted me to see it. i just said "oh i dont need to see it honey, pee pees just stand up sometimes" he played with it for a while but i just groggily asked him if he needed to go potty.

oh and thats the other thing i would do . a few months ago ds walked around holding it all the time. it was when he first stopped wearing diapers. and he would do it *more* when we were around freinds or in public. i just kept asking him if he had to go potty. i still do that when he grabs it, and i offer to take him. i act like i TOTALLY think thats his potty sign---i dont act like he "shouldnt" grab it.

if you are really worried ask your pediatrician. but maybe try some new tactics, like asking "do you need to go potty" or "do you need some quiet nap time" as if you think that means he needs quiet time---try not to draw attention to his penis being the issue, KWIM?

but i think boys really do just obsess about thier penisis.









hope this helps.


----------



## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Just wanted to send you a hig. That is a though one but I think the pp has great advice!


----------



## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

i just wanted to add that i reallty dont think its your fault. i re read my post and it seems it could be read that way. i was just trying to say that he sounds pretty normal.... i used to work in a daycare and one little boy and a little girl actually, they would do that laying on the tummy thing at nap time. one worker was so mean to the little boy and would yell at him to stop it. i think that just made him want to do it more , for comfort and security , KWIM? anyway so thats where i am coming from. i am no expert!


----------



## kimmygurl (May 5, 2005)

So this is normal???

How normal is it for someone to be born masturbating? Is this a first?

And if it is normal, then every other kid you come in contact with will masturbate in front of you. How many children masturbate 24/7? or at least a lot, and then when do they slow down??


----------



## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

i wouldnt call what newborns or babies do when they grab thier penises "masterbating" they are just grabbing at stuff. like some babies like to grab their toes. its totally different than masterbating.
they just reach for it cuz they feel it hanging, or sticking out. its just a grabbable thing.

as they get older like at 2 or 3 i do think there is a "good" feeling and that becomes something like masterbating. but children that age still do not experience the same feelings we do. they simply dont have the development yet. so it still isnt as sexual as when an adult does it.

so you keep saying 24/7. does that mean he will not engage in any other activities? does he play with toys? play outside? eat his lunch? run? get into other kinds of mischeif? if not then you should take him to a dr, and listen to your own instincts that something may be wrong. a dr can help you in that case.

but if he just does it every time he is bored , naked , or nervous....well , that sounds like quite a few 3 yo boys i have known, including my own.


----------



## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

oh and yeah, i think i recall my son grabbing at his maybe not the minute he was born, but as a very young newborn.


----------



## marisa (Apr 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stirringleaf*
but if he just does it every time he is bored , naked , or nervous....well , that sounds like quite a few 3 yo boys i have known, including my own.

exactly, it's completely normal 3 yr old behavior and I think some kids just find comfort in it. as he gets older he will learn to not do it around people and that it's a private thing.


----------



## elkay (Oct 3, 2004)

my three year old son also spends a good deal of time while naked holding or examining or yanking his penis. i was always paranoid about making him ashamed. the first time he held it, during a diaper change, in front of his paternal grandmother, she said, 'oh, don't do that.' i rather rudely told her not to say that to him.
he was clothed most of the cold winter, and now that spring has arrived, i noticed, regretfully, that he looked inappropriate now, yanking away - that is, before he just looked like a little baby playing, but now, somehow, i could tell that it was time to tell him about where and when to do that. he didn't seem abashed as i explained that he should only play with his penis when alone, or in front of me or his father, but not 'in public.'
i was sad about this introduction of self-consciousness, but i saw two happy things about it - one was that i always wonder if i'll know WHEN it's the right time for certain things, and this seemed just right and natural, and two, i really don't want to see people walking around masturbating, so i don't have a problem with this rule, as i do with so many in our society.
i know this does not directly relate to the original question, but i guess i want to say that you are not the only one experiencing this phase. the other thing is, as a rather anxious person, i tend to bite my nails (i know, ugh!), pick at myself, and do other socially obnoxious things - i wonder if it might just not be a personality-type habit.


----------



## GeezerMom (Apr 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimmygurl*
So this is normal???

How normal is it for someone to be born masturbating? Is this a first?

How could it not be normal? If someone is following their instincts, with no input from Mommy or Daddy or Britney Spears videos - then what they're doing would HAVE to be normal, by definition. Babies can't be "abnormal", all they can be is themselves.

Eventually we civilize them, but it doesn't happen overnight.


----------



## BathrobeGoddess (Nov 19, 2001)

Sounds normal to me too! 3 is old enough to understand that somethings are only okay when alone and not in public. Your just teaching him the cultural norms as long as you don't shame him. Just like in public we close the door to go to the bathroom.


----------



## mamamillie (Jul 22, 2003)

My 3 year old DEFINITELY does this. All the time. He is not "masturbating," but is "playing w himself."







I have not said anything at home, except to reach for and move and hold his hand to stop it during nursing (cuz THAT WAS making me feel weird). But a few weeks ago we were at the library computer, he was in my lap, and I looked down and he had his whole self pulled out! He has had it out a few times at the grocery store! So now everytime we go somewhere, I have to remind him to keep his penis in his underwear! I do think it is normal, and I don't really have a problem with it, except for during nursing and in public.


----------



## GeezerMom (Apr 7, 2005)

Just for the record, my baby girl does it, too. She loves to play w/herself during diaper changes, and will rub against the carpet when fully dressed. So it's not just a "boy thing", although I think my son probably has a slight edge in terms of frequency and duration.

Then there was the time I caught them in the kitchen, both on all fours; he was behind her, had pulled down her diaper & was slapping her on the ass! And she was laughing!


----------



## Mummoth (Oct 30, 2003)

DH came up with the *briliant* idea of saying "Gimme 5!" and "Gimme 10!" as a way of getting those hands out of there. DS sleeps with *both* hands in his pyjama pants every night. I've asked him a few times to look around at how other people are behaving: "Is anybodyyyyyy.... standing on their head?" "Is anybodyyyy... walking like a duck?" "Is anybodyyy.... combing their hair?" "Does anybody.... have their hand in their pants?" So far he just replies "ME!!" to that last one







but I'm hoping that I'm sort of pushing the idea of looking around at people & getting an idea of whats socially acceptable. I put that question in the middle, so it's not the last question I ask. I also ask "Does anybody have a finger in their nose?" because thats our other issue.


----------



## vegmom (Jul 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mummoth*
DH came up with the *briliant* idea of saying "Gimme 5!" and "Gimme 10!" as a way of getting those hands out of there. DS sleeps with *both* hands in his pyjama pants every night. I've asked him a few times to look around at how other people are behaving: "Is anybodyyyyyy.... standing on their head?" "Is anybodyyyy... walking like a duck?" "Is anybodyyy.... combing their hair?" "Does anybody.... have their hand in their pants?" So far he just replies "ME!!" to that last one







but I'm hoping that I'm sort of pushing the idea of looking around at people & getting an idea of whats socially acceptable. I put that question in the middle, so it's not the last question I ask. I also ask "Does anybody have a finger in their nose?" because thats our other issue.

Great idea! We don't realy have the hands in the pants problem but we do have the finger in the nose problem!


----------



## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

my dd likes to rub herself too (almost 2 yrs old)
she LOVES it

and mostly when she is sitting in our laps and we are reading to her

once she was feeling really good while rubbing herself and her dad was reading to her, and she finally yelled, "i LOVE my finger!!!!"

we had to laugh then.

i remeber rubbing myself a lot as a young pre school kid, and it felt good.
i say more power to them
and although it is not easy to teach social cues about anything to a toddler, it is obviously something that every toddler is in the process of learning and everyone else inour culture SHOULD understand that.
it is not like you are telling your ds that the grocery store IS a good place to touch himself! lol.


----------



## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GeezerMom*

Then there was the time I caught them in the kitchen, both on all fours; he was behind her, had pulled down her diaper & was slapping her on the ass! And she was laughing!

:LOL


----------



## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimmygurl*
So this is normal???


Yup! Perfectly normal.


----------



## willowsmom (Oct 28, 2004)

My nearly two year old daughter also does this. I know it's normal...and I don't have a problem with it...but holy cow...

She has a toy horse that she laid on the ground and will sit there watching tv...etc etc.

What responses do you give to your kiddos? So far...I've said and done nothing. I figure...why call attention to it, it's HER body...


----------



## kimmygurl (May 5, 2005)

What on earth do all the abbreviations mean?

pp, DH, DS, DD for example?


----------



## Mummoth (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimmygurl*
What on earth do all the abbreviations mean?

pp, DH, DS, DD for example?










Go here for acronym meanings.


----------



## SophieB (Aug 20, 2004)

Oh yeah, how we've experienced this....









My two sons are both big masturbators. They love their little 'toys' and with them being mostly naked at home, they have plenty of access to them. My older DS (now 4) has a habit of laying on one of his soft animals and rubbing against it. I don't really have a problem with it as long as the behaviour is restricted to the home. It's their body, and it doesn't do any harm.

My sisters DD does something similar to yours, mama justice. As a comfort thing, she started to do this behaviour of rubbing against anything (sometimes on her parents legs or feet) before she was put to bed. At first my sister and her DH were weirded out and didn't know what to do, but they find it helps her be less nervous, anxious and more relaxed about sleeping.

Doing it 24/7 is probably excessive, I would just try distraction like inviting the child to play with a toy or do an activity. It's most likely a phase which will probably reduce if you just ignore it and let him do whatever.


----------



## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

yes, welcome! i forgot that if you are new you might not get all that

in case you didnt go over there yet, its

Dear Son
Dear Daughter
Dear Husband

and so on

dont ask me why all the Dears . it seems sort of Stepford familiy to me, but i just got used to the abbreviations after a while :LOL


----------



## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

I really don't think we can call this behavior masturbating. It's a whole different level of thought and sensation to masturbate.
They are touching themselves, experimenting, playing whatever. But calling it masturbating I think just implies a discomfort on the part of the person watching, not the person touching.

Anyhow, my DS is only almost 11 months, but he like to grab for the equipment during diaper changes too. Only he grabs and PULLS and STRETCHES it to unreal lengths.







I worried he was going to hurt himself stretching it our like a rubberband, DH said "if it hurt, he wouldn't do it."

ok.

The only other problem I have is when he is all poopy and it is on his penis he wants to grab it and I have to beat him to the grab so I can clean it off first. It's getting harder, he's FAST!


----------



## GeezerMom (Apr 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boatbaby*
I really don't think we can call this behavior masturbating. It's a whole different level of thought and sensation to masturbate.

Maybe she caught him alone in his room, staring intently at the Coppertone baby ad!


----------



## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GeezerMom*
Maybe she caught him alone in his room, staring intently at the Coppertone baby ad!


:LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL


----------



## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

thanks boatbaby i totally agree with you. i dont think they have the physiological development, nor the phsychological development to truly "masterbate".

To the woman who started the thread, my heart goes out to you though, cuz it seems that it has really been worrying you, and its hard, anytime we worry about our kids. i hope this helps ease your mind.

EDITED BECAUSE i put geezermom instead of boatbaby. i was referring to her post about them not bein old enough to truly masturbate


----------



## GeezerMom (Apr 7, 2005)

Yah, I hope you know I'm just teasing. I spaz out all the time over my kids' behaviors, and then realize shortly afterwards that it's just another phase.


----------

