# Is my toddler more affectionate than average?



## Tapioca (Feb 4, 2005)

Is YOUR toddler more affectionate than average?

Trying to think of the right way to word this.

My baby is very affectionate- loves to hug and kiss other children, and has been so since she was 9 months old. People have often commented on how loving she is. however, I have noticed that among my friends she's unusual - most of their babies are not affectionate in the same way and in fact shy away from physical touch So, my questions are:

*Is she more affectionate because we've followed some of the Ap tenents - co-sleeping, extended nursing, etc. etc? Have you found your toddlers to be more affectionate than kids reared in a more distant way?

*How do you deal with it as they get older? Already I'm having to explain to LB that other children don't like to be hugged, touched etc. It's kinda depressing.

She's 21 months old.

Your thoughts?


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

My ds who is 25 months is a big big hugger to me and his daddy. He has always been so cuddly and kissy but he HATES other children to hug him. Its like he needs his space. I am the same way though. I dont like for others to hug me, just family. I am pretty AP, ds has never even left my side for 25 months and he loves to kiss other adults(like my friends) and he snuggles with them he just hates it when he is playing and in the middle of it a kid comes up and tries to smother him. But when hes going bye bye he kisses and hugs then.


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## mominchina (May 31, 2005)

Your little one sounds exactly like mine!! DD is 2 1/2 now, and she loves to give and recieve hugs, she is very affectionate, very empathetic. More affectionate than average, I would say! We do have to remind her (often) when we are around other kids that she needs to give them space, ask first before giving hugs, etc, etc. She is learning! I totally understand that other kids need space...not everyone likes a huge bear hug from a stranger! But it is a little sad to see her enthusiasm for others basically rejected. Just part of growing up, I suppose.

As far as why she's like this, I do think it is part personality, part her AP upbringing. She's a people-person; she loves being around other kids. We've also cuddled her and held her so much. She nursed until recently, still sleeps with us, was carried in a sling most of the time for the first year. But she has a cousin the same age who was raised exactly the same way as her (very AP) but has a totally different personality, and he is not very affectionate at all. So I guess I contribute the "lovey"ness in part to AP, but probably mostly personality. The way we've parented just sort of reinforced some natural tendencies that she had: we've created a hugging monster!









But I figure that it's really a wonderful personality trait. I imagine that in the future she will be a very caring, nurturing person; someone who will make others feel good about themselves. A wonderful mom! She just needs a little direction for a while on what is socially okay around others.


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## Girl Named Sandoz (Jul 16, 2002)

My son is like that too. He's 3.5 now and very affectionate. He spontaneously hugs other kids and often comes up to give me a hug out of the blue. He's also very compassionate and sensitive to others who are in pain or suffering.

I think it's a lovely trait.


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

i have the opposite kid and she was a velcro baby who never wanted to be put down. she will snuggle with me or her dad until the end of time, but doesn't want to hold hands with another child _unless it's on her terms_. i think showing affection has very little to do with an AP upbringing and more with personality.


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## Tapioca (Feb 4, 2005)

Thanks for the responses. That's what I was trying to figure out - whether it's her personality or a result of upbringing. I guess it's her personality







: I think it's awesome. She's so different to me, I'm not a very touchy feely person at all.

mominchina: Yes, our DDs sound very similar







It's too bad you don't live around here, we could get them together for a hugfest.


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## BurgundyElephant (Feb 17, 2006)

My five-year-old has always been very huggy, too. But it's hard, because she still does it. She didn't outgrow it. And she doesn't seem to care that she should hug kids or strangers. We've had soooooo many talks about it. My two-year-old, on the other hand, doesn't like to touch other kids and will lash out (push) if they get too close. She likes to hide behind my legs.

Yes, they've been raised pretty much the same way.


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