# Newborn crying herself to sleep every night (Update! #32)



## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

DD is 8 weeks old; she takes all of her naps in her Mei Tai, and falls asleep easily during the day, sometimes just crying for a minute or so. But when it hits about 6 or 7pm, she won't go to sleep in the Mei Tai without crying. I've been putting her down in our bed to sleep (on her side) around 7pm and trying to nurse her to sleep, but it doesn't work, and she ends up crying for about an hour while I lie in bed with her.

So for nighttime, if I put her in the Mei Tai, she cries for a while and then falls asleep, but if I try to put her down in bed she wakes up and cries for an hour. If I just put her in bed with me, she cries for an hour. If I try to hold her in cradle hold, she cries even harder. If I hold her up on my shoulder, she settles down but won't fall asleep quickly, and my back can't take holding her for long in that position. I've also tried putting her in bed a little bit earlier and a little bit later, and I've tried putting her on her back and on her stomach--none of these things help.

What else can I do? The only thing I can come up with is maybe trying a pacifier. I really hate to have her cry for so long every night--how traumatic do you think it is for her to cry like that with me with her?

Thanks for any help you can give me!


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

s:

My oldest had to be either worn/bounced/danced to sleep, or pinned down screaming for a lengthy period of time, for quite a while. Have you tried swaddling? If she's happy snuggled next to you in the Mei Tai, but not snuggled next to you in bed, swaddling may be just what you need.

Looking way down the road, my terrible-night-screaming-fighting child is now 2 1/2 and just calmly tells me when he wants to go to bed.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

is it too early?


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

Maybe she is just not ready for sleep at that point?

have you tried just letting her fall asleep when she is ready and trying to lay her down when she is in a deep sleep instead of trying to get her to sleep when you are ready?


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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

A few of my kids have been like this. My youngest just started the crying to sleep thing. I think right now its teeth. As long as baby is in arms and your doing what you can to comfort them, sometimes thats all you can do







. It's sad though. You could also think about things like reflux (since you say she does better upright), or a food sensitivity, I always cut milk out of my diet while their young. Or try sitting in a rocker with her upright if she likes that. But sometimes there isn't anything more you can do.
Homeopathic Colic Tablets


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

Go for a hike? My 3 month old seems to need a hike in the wrap at bedtime lately. He'll fall asleep walking, then can go to bed with me. If I just bring him to bed with me, he screams (never waited an hour to see if he'd stop). He doesn't go to bed for the night until we do, though - 11 or midnightish.

Are you trying to put her to bed because she's already falling asleep elsewhere, because she's overtired and fussy, or some other reason?

I don't think a pacifier is so terrible. Mine won't take one, though.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

My baby is 4months, but this is what has been working for us in the warmer weather. Its totally random, and we came across it on accident.

We swaddle him in just a diaper and the swaddle blanket, hold him in a cradle hold and sway/bounce/sing in front of the fan. I don't know why he likes the fan so much, but does. Will your babe settle if you sing? That has been our saving grace so.many.times - he loves to be sung to, to listen to music, and will even go to sleep on his own in the swaddle (cooing happily until he falls asleep)

I hope your baby decides to sleep easier soon!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Sorry I guess I wasn't too clear....it's not like it hits 7pm and I just decide, "okay, time for you to go to bed!" Throughout the day, she has slight cues for when she is tired (starts fussing, yawns a few times). When I see the cues, I put her in her Mei Tai and she falls asleep right away. But after about 6 or 7pm, I do the same thing, and she won't fall asleep without crying.

I can't just "let" her fall asleep, she always needs help (like walking around in the Mei Tai, or nursing). Are there actually babies that fall asleep on their own?? If I don't try to help her get to sleep in time, she'll just cry and won't be able to fall asleep.

Also, I wanted to clear up that I don't just lie her down and let her cry for an hour straight--I nurse her, burp her, pick her up if she gets too worked up, rub her back, etc.

It seems the only way I can (possibly) prevent her from crying for so long is to walk her around in the Mei Tai (she still cries but not as much), then try to put her down, then if she wakes up, start the whole process again. Or I could walk around with her on my shoulder and do the same thing. Unfortunately, neither of these things is an option because I can't physically do them. I have back problems and I injured my tailbone during DD's birth. Also, I'm 8 weeks PP and if I carry dd around too much during the day, I start spotting, and that can't be good. If I could carry her around indefinitely to avoid the crying, I would--that's what I did with my son when he was little.

As far as reflux or food sensitivity--could it be that if it only happens at night?

I might try swaddling next time, although she's a big girl and pretty strong--she might break out!

Thanks everyone for the suggestions, please keep them coming!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thyra* 
My baby is 4months, but this is what has been working for us in the warmer weather. Its totally random, and we came across it on accident.

We swaddle him in just a diaper and the swaddle blanket, hold him in a cradle hold and sway/bounce/sing in front of the fan. I don't know why he likes the fan so much, but does. Will your babe settle if you sing? That has been our saving grace so.many.times - he loves to be sung to, to listen to music, and will even go to sleep on his own in the swaddle (cooing happily until he falls asleep)

I hope your baby decides to sleep easier soon!

Haven't tried singing, I'll try it tomorrow. Thanks!


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

When was the last time you tried swaddling?? Lincoln HATED it until he was 4weeks old - then we were desperate for a way to put him to sleep, and we swaddled him (thinking it would make the situation worse, but we needed to at least try b/c we had already tried EVERYTHING else we could think of) and he was out in about 2minutes! Seriously - we were shocked!

And, I know almost nothing about reflux, but its something worth exploring IMO


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## BRmama (Mar 18, 2008)

I agree with pp here. We know our ds is having a hard time sleeping now because we found out he has reflux. Before that and even now sometimes he loves being swaddled really tight and bounced and sung to. I have a huge bouncing ball that I do my abs exercise with and this also happened by accident but I was holding the baby sitting on the ball and before I knew it he fell asleep. So now we swaddle him and bounce him while we sing to him. We also keep him upright when he sleeps and it's been working great for us.
Good Luck!


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## ILovePie (Aug 1, 2008)

Your baby sounds like mine! DS just had a "crying time," which I guess is pretty common when they're pretty tiny. It was about 6-7 every night, though a couple (very trying...) times it went on for 3 hours with DH and I passing him back and forth and trying everything (EVERYTHING) that's already been listed. Eventually he'd just be done, nurse, and conk out.

DS has never ever been able to go to sleep without at least a little help from me (and now, finally, DH can pitch in, too!). Right now he often has to be worn to sleep. And he's always been a "velcro baby" - he requires a lot of touching, holding, nursing, etc. There are babies that are happy to be put down, some even don't like to be touched - and especially while they sleep - but mine is definitely not one of those!

But,an 8w/o might just have a sort of "witching hour" during which crying and fussiness are more common....at least that's what I was told when we had that going on....

DS's was so predictable at that age, and then he slept so soundly afterward, that I once took him to a movie after his crying time passed and he nursed to sleep during previews and didn't make a peep the ENTIRE time!

ETA: My DS is now 13 months old


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## tangledblue (Apr 5, 2008)

Could have written this a few months ago. She would cry no matter what we did. You can try various things that may or may not help--the upright thing in case of reflux, the swaddling, white noise, etc. I know it feels terrible to not be able to figure out a way to help baby, but you might just have to roll with it and find a way to maintain your own equilibrium.

I found that just sitting with her and singing softly or talking to her or just sshhing was the only thing to do (didn't really make her stop, but helped my sanity, because I felt like I was doing what I could.) DH would walk around with her. The only advice I have is, once you've tried what you can try, just try to relax with baby as much as you can and maybe your calm will rub off. Sometimes I think we overstimulated her accidentally just by trying to help her. Maybe baby just needs to cry a little and let out some feelings.


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## JamieB (Apr 1, 2008)

What about the five S's from "The Happiest Baby on the Block"? My DS would scream and cry for hours every evening until we started swaddling him, giving him a soother, laying him on his stomach across our legs with a heartbeat bear on his back and jiggling our legs quickly. Turns out his "colic" was really just him being overtired. The five S's saved our life! lol


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## Unconventional1 (Apr 3, 2006)

My DD did the same thing every night until I had cut out dairy, tomato, onion, banana, and citrus- but it had to be out for a few weeks to really have a happy little one- if I eat any of those items (especially the dairy) even in tiny amounts she is fussy for a few days, especially at night.

BTW- all of these items made me nauseous in the first trimester of pregnancy with her, don't know if it's related or not?...


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## changingseasons (Mar 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
As far as reflux or food sensitivity--could it be that if it only happens at night?

I haven't read all the responses, so I hope I'm not repeating, but yes- that is totally possible. Couple reasons- 1) laying down will cause reflux, 2) everything that you've eaten over the day is building up in your milk, so by the end of the day your babe is full of (possible) allergens.

DD started out with colic symptoms like that- she was fine all day, and then absolutely inconsolable at night. She would fall asleep on me, and then as soon as I laid her down she would wake right up screaming. This also started right around 2 months for her.

Dairy is the #1 food allergen in babies, so I would start with that. Cut it out of your diet 100% (watch for hidden ingredients- I have a list on my blog) and keep a food journal to track your diet and your LO's symptoms. I would probably cut soy at the same time, since those 2 allergies seem to go hand in hand. It will take a couple weeks to completely get the dairy out of your system, but if it's actually a problem you should start to see changes within a few days. Hopefully that will take care of it, but check out my blog for more info about elimination diets, allergies, etc. hth!


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

I haven't read all of the posts, but wanted to say that my DS has been the same way since he was about 6-8 weeks old. Now at almost 9 months, he still cries to sleep sometimes. He is a sleep fighter. He is very high-needs and very sensitive to his environment. He gets overstimulated very easily, which is what it sounds like may be happening with your DD.

You said she is usually tired/fussy/ready for bed around 7? If you can, try making this a little more toned-down around 6. Dim the lights (close the curtains- I know it's light outside so late now), speak in low voices. Keep the TV off. Maybe put her in the Mei Tei around 6:30.. before she seems tired at all. Then when she starts getting tired around 7 (or whenever you notice) try nursing her in bed. Get some white noise, make sure the room is very dark, and a comfortable temperature.

Also, you could try a bedtime routine. Start around 6:30, you can do a soothing bath, massage, and then pop her in the Mei Tie until she gets sleepy/drowsy and nurse her to sleep on the bed.

My DS needs motion to sleep. We have to rock. I have to admit, I absolutely hate it.. only because he fights it (wiggles/squirms/pushes against me) and fusses and some nights it takes forever..... But it is what works with the least amount of crying. And he weighs 24 lbs, so wearing him to sleep or walking him to sleep is out of the question for me.

He also has reflux/food allergies, and I am sure that makes the sleep-fighting that much worse.








Mama. Hope you get this figured out soon. It is so hard to hear your baby cry when all they want to do is fall asleep.


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Unconventional1* 

BTW- all of these items made me nauseous in the first trimester of pregnancy with her, don't know if it's related or not?...

When I was pg with DS, dairy and tomatoes made me nauseous too! And he is allergic to both... hm?







:


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Just wanted to toss out there that even if (heaven forbid) NOTHING works, it's okay, it's not the end of the world if your baby is crying while you are right there comforting her, it's *not* CIO, and she *will* grow out of it.







:


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## Friday13th (Jun 13, 2006)

I have to say DS did this every night from 6 weeks until almost 4 months and I went NUTS trying to find a solution: swaddling, not swaddling, bouncing, wearing, walks, diet elimination, earlier bedtime, later bedtime, singing, darkness, probiotics, baths, pretty much everything everyone has suggested to you and it didn't help. That's probably not what you want to hear but he just outgrew it eventually, both my nieces did the same thing. And they're not left to cry, it's in arms while being walked/rocked/bounced/worn/loved on, it's incredibly hard but seems to be a pretty common developmental thing that nobody talks about.


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## JMJ (Sep 6, 2008)

I could have written this post. DD has been like this since birth. At first, I couldn't handle walking around with her, so DH had to do it, and it wouldn't work, so I would end up holding her in bed with me as she screamed herself to sleep. I felt horrible, but I knew it was the best I could do. The only thing that has kinda worked is to extend the time it takes to put her to sleep and be in no hurry. She does the same thing about wanting to be held upright, but I think it's about wanting to have her head against my chest, not reflux or allergies. I try to enjoy the time with her and just get her calm. Getting her asleep doesn't matter as much to me as getting her calm. Eventually, she falls asleep, and she often wakes when we get into bed, and we have to do it all over again. I've been trying to change my attitude and enjoy special time with her, sympathizing with her as she cries and cuddling with her as she dozes off, and it's helped a lot. I really think it is just something that she'll outgrow.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

My oldest dd had reflux and did that. Changing nursing patterns helped. Only one boob for a 3 hour set.

My youngest dd would quite quickly once daddy had her. She just didn't want mommy anymore







She was and is still a daddy's girl. Even if she was crying she cried less severly with her daddy







Do you know how rejected I feel when she is upset and she goes "You will do until daddy gets home." LOL Ok as hurtful as it is I still love it.


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## woodsymommyof3 (Mar 25, 2009)

No advice, but I couldn't not send







your way.


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

Do you have someone else around (husband or other adult), who could wear the baby in the evening to save your back and try walking her to sleep? If that worked with your first baby, it might work with this one.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
DD is 8 weeks old; she takes all of her naps in her Mei Tai, and falls asleep easily during the day, sometimes just crying for a minute or so. But when it hits about 6 or 7pm, she won't go to sleep in the Mei Tai without crying. I've been putting her down in our bed to sleep (on her side) around 7pm and trying to nurse her to sleep, but it doesn't work, and she ends up crying for about an hour while I lie in bed with her.

So for nighttime, if I put her in the Mei Tai, she cries for a while and then falls asleep, but if I try to put her down in bed she wakes up and cries for an hour. If I just put her in bed with me, she cries for an hour. If I try to hold her in cradle hold, she cries even harder. If I hold her up on my shoulder, she settles down but won't fall asleep quickly, and my back can't take holding her for long in that position. I've also tried putting her in bed a little bit earlier and a little bit later, and I've tried putting her on her back and on her stomach--none of these things help.

What else can I do? The only thing I can come up with is maybe trying a pacifier. I really hate to have her cry for so long every night--how traumatic do you think it is for her to cry like that with me with her?

Thanks for any help you can give me!

I just noticed your baby is 8 weeks old and that reminds me that my DD cried to sleep when she was 8 weeks too. I wrote it off as a hindmilk/foremilk imbalance. DH had to take her after she would nurse for an hour...she would be so full that she would start burping it up. He would walk around and bounce her to sleep.

That only happened a few times. I started pumping 1/2oz before feeding her and block nursing. I always attributed those two steps to eradicating the problem but maybe it's just a phase?


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## ILovePie (Aug 1, 2008)

I googled "witching hour baby" and this was the first hit:

I'm pretty certain this is a very normal "developmental" thing. At that age, my son was seriously soooooo content as long as I nursed him at the first grunt. He slept through the night and everything (well, honestly...I think he did...but I could have just not woken up very well, and he always went right back to sleep?).

But that stretch in the evenings...it was always there. I think it's pretty common, but considered colic if they do it for really extended periods of time every night? Like I said above, for us this was about an hour a night except for a few isolated incidences that were 3 hours long.

Looking back, I can say, "yeah, that wasn't us, and there was really nothing to do about it." At the time, though, I remember being very distressed (that's putting it lightly). The sound of my own baby crying had (and still usually has) a PHYSICAL consequence for me. It caused an almost fight or flight response - more like fight or nurture. lol

I used to tell DH that I wasn't responsible for anything I said to him in the car while DS was in his seat crying (he HATED the infant carseat...I shudder thinking of some of the rides we had to take with him screaming inconsolably...). I even repeatedly banged my head against the back of the driver's seat once because my whole body was screaming to get DS out of the stupid carseat and nurse and comfort him.

Sorry for the tangential rant  My point is really that, while I think what is happening for you is normal....that doesn't make it any easier, I know!


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## MLA (May 22, 2008)

Definitely try swaddling. When DS was little, as soon as I put him in the swaddle, he'd settle right down. It's very comforting for many babies. And if you're not sure you'll be able to swaddle her well enough for her not break out of it, I suggest buying one of those kiddopotomus Swaddle Me wraps. They worked great for DS once he was too big and strong for a regular swaddle. And they're pretty cheap at BRU.

http://www.kiddopotamus.com/p_swad.php


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## haurelia (Mar 12, 2009)

I haven't read all the posts, but we had a very similar time starting around 8-10 weeks old...had a nap or two in the day (short ones) but then putting him down for night sleep was terrible. He usually had to be nursing in the wrap while bouncing or rocking along with some form of singing or white noise.

Have you tried eliminating caffeine from your diet?
I finally faced facts and did it when he was about 14 weeks old








I'm really addicted, so I was in denial about caffeine being a problem (seriously!).
Once it was cleared, we had a happy baby who napped and went down for the night with just nursing. It still takes help for him to get to sleep, but the help is pretty minimal at this point, and expected for babies his age. If I slip up and drink a bit of coffee, he's alert, fussy and speedy throughout the day, and takes literally hours to go down at night, with much bouncing, shushing, and singing.
I encourage you to try eliminating all caffeine and see if that helps make life a bit easier. HTH and good luck mama!
Oh! And I second those who suggested putting the babe in a carrier and taking a walk before the usual sleep time window, if you can. It helped us some days.


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *haurelia* 

Have you tried eliminating caffeine from your diet?
I finally faced facts and did it when he was about 14 weeks old








I'm really addicted, so I was in denial about caffeine being a problem (seriously!).
Once it was cleared, we had a happy baby who napped and went down for the night with just nursing.

how long did you have to cut caffiene before you noticed a difference?


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tangledblue* 
Could have written this a few months ago. She would cry no matter what we did. You can try various things that may or may not help--the upright thing in case of reflux, the swaddling, white noise, etc. I know it feels terrible to not be able to figure out a way to help baby, but you might just have to roll with it and find a way to maintain your own equilibrium.

I found that just sitting with her and singing softly or talking to her or just sshhing was the only thing to do (didn't really make her stop, but helped my sanity, because I felt like I was doing what I could.) DH would walk around with her. The only advice I have is, once you've tried what you can try, just try to relax with baby as much as you can and maybe your calm will rub off. Sometimes I think we overstimulated her accidentally just by trying to help her. Maybe baby just needs to cry a little and let out some feelings.









:

DD went through a phase like this from about 5-9 weeks, then suddenly stopped. I was going out of my mind trying to keep her calm from 10pm-2am. Keep trying things but don't feel badly if she cries. Its not like you're leaving her alone to CIO. She may just grow out of it.


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## SilverWillow (Dec 23, 2003)

My daughter is now nine years old and I look back on her newborn sleep issues with astonishment that I actually survived! This too shall pass, I promise. As other posters have said, if nothing else works, just try to let go of your anxiety and frustration and know that you are giving her yourself, which is the most you can do. It's so far from CIO in a cold and lonely crib! It's not even in the same realm. I found that eventually I had to just give in to the crying and wait it out. The thing I read that helped me most back then was a quote from Parenting magazine, of all places. Sometimes, "you don't have to love it, you just have to do it." You always love your baby. But it's natural to NOT love trying to calm her in vain for two hours straight. I allowed myself to feel a little bit like a hero for it and, silly or selfish as that may sound, it helped me keep it up. Don't feel guilty. Just get through that bit every night and she will outgrow it. She's not going to be traumatized, though you might be. ;-) You're a great mom. I think you're a hero!

oo, wait, one tiny bit of practical advice. After an hour or two of walking, bouncing (she liked to be held upright, head on my shoulder while I bounced on the edge of the bed or a birth ball), walking/bouncing while nursing, etc. -- sometimes I got exhausted and just lay in the bed with her. I found if I held her on one side very firmly all tucked in next to me it had the swaddle effect and she FINALLY fell asleep. it only worked after hours of the other stuff though. also: don't be afraid to ask for a break if you get overwhelmed. it's best for the both you and your baby to break the cycle of frustration by having your partner take over for a few.

hang in there, Hero Mom!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Thanks so much mamas for all your advice and support! So the last 3 nights, DD has gone to sleep without crying! I've been trying different things, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it is I'm doing right.

At first I tried to get her to sleep in the Mei Tai without crying, and walking outside before she was really tired seemed to help. However she'd still wake up when I tried to put her down in bed.

So once I had her in bed, I've been nursing A LOT, like I keep offering the breast constantly, as soon as she starts to fuss, even if it seems like she's full, and she keeps nursing. If she starts to cry at all, I alternate between lying her on her side (usually while rubbing her back), putting her on my shoulder, and lying her propped up on a pillow. Eventually she just falls asleep. It still takes a while (like between 45 min and 1 hr 15 min), but she hardly cries at all!

I think my main problem has been that I've assumed she'd be like my son was. My son's always been a bad sleeper, and the longer I waited to get him to sleep, the more he would cry. DD doesn't seem to be that way; if I take longer to get her to sleep, she doesn't get any more worked up. I guess I've been afraid to keep moving her around, for fear she would cry even longer, but it seems with her I just need to keep distracting her, and not let her cry at all, and eventually she'll just fall asleep.

Just goes to show that every baby is different. (And all those baby "experts" who have a formula for dealing with all babies are full of it.) DD is actually a really good sleeper; last night she slept for 5 hours after I put her to bed (!) and she always sleeps at least 3 hours initially. My son still doesn't sleep that well!

Anyway, thanks mamas, and keep your fingers crossed for me that things will continue to go well!


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

:


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

: that's great Mama!


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## Altair (May 1, 2005)

Instead of doing all that back in the bedroom, I just keep my 9 week old out with me in the living room and continuously offer nursing all evening. If he's not nursing then he's tucked in the crook of my arm and he likes it best if I just ignore him and read/watch TV/go online. If I talk to him or interact too much he gets overstimulated. If I just hold him and go about my business, he falls asleep sometime between 8 and 9. I either hold him until I go to sleep or lay him on the couch when he's really out and then bring him in when I'm ready for bed.

I also REALLY recommend a pacifier. It's made for this time of night! We love the MAM brand pacifiers. He loves just sucking away on it in my arms at night.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Try the 5 Ss. White noise and swaddling seems to do the trick for my 4.5 month old, but DD1 (now 32 months) needed all 5 (yes, even swaddling) till well over a year.

I'd have given her a pacifier long before this, but I know lots of mom are dead-set against them. But, in this situation, I'd think the BFing is well established by now, an it's better to intro a paci than to have her so miserable for an hour each night.

Is she sleep fighting? Like she just can't allow herslef to go to sleep and miss all the fun? DD1 still has a lot of trouble shutting her brain down and allowing herself to stop long enough to fall asleep some nights.


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## maizy (May 13, 2003)

What about nursing to sleep?


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## Momma Moo Martin (May 24, 2009)

Someone mentioned it before but the "Five S's" from Dr. Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Baby on the Block" were very helpful when my little girl was that age. I would put her in the sling or rock her in the rocking chair and hold the hairdryer close to us with my free hand. She would instantly calm down. I also used a vaccum cleaner a few times. Have you tried anything similar? Also, swaddling is so wonderful. The Happiest Baby program utilizes the "DUDU" wrap - I found instructions for it on their website. Good Luck! Hang in there!







:


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