# What bedding do you remove when cosleeping with a newborn?



## escher (May 3, 2004)

I know that some people (for example Elizabeth Pantley in _The No-Cry Sleep Solution_) believe that you should remove all pillows and blankets from your bed if sharing your bed with a newborn. Do you do this? If so, how do you get comfortable to sleep? If not, what do you remove and what do you keep?

I'm just trying to imagine going through winter with no blankets and no pillows and I was hoping to hear more about how that works or doesn't work for other parents.

Thank you!


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## ursusarctos (Dec 16, 2008)

Interested to read the responses... I was thinking I'd probably just bundle up in sweats to sleep in the wintertime.


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## themomadance (Jul 26, 2011)

My friend had a co-sleeper when her son was born, She kept all of her regular bedding on her bed, and he was right next to her at mattress hight on a newborn safe mattress with standard swaddling to keep him warm... She got the smaller size co-sleeper and he outgrew it pretty quickly, and recommended the larger one if I get one. I haven't purchased one yet, I may just wait and see how the crib goes on the other side of the room, but I am very tempted. I just have so many other things I need first and need to see how much it all costs!


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## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

Our solution...and it worked beautifully for us...was to put our newborn infant on a firm changing mat with raised sides (it was from Target) while he was in the bed with us. It kept him well above where my blankets would've been (it had raised sides, maybe 4-5 inches or so). I was able to have him close to pull him off of it and nurse, then placed him right back on the pad. This only worked until he could roll over, but it was great til then.


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

We've been bedsharing for over 11 years now and have never removed the blankets or pillows. I keep the pillows under my head and the blankets under my arms. Most often we sleep in the spoon position so that I am holding the blankets down around the baby's waist, with their head near my chest.

I would *never* have bedshared if I couldn't keep my pillows and blankets. I can't sleep that way and the whole reason I bedshare is so that I get enough sleep.


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## AnkaJones (Jul 21, 2011)

Hi,

We're following Dr. McKenna's book (Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping), which is significantly more moderate than The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Basically, he recommends a firm mattress with no pillow top type thing over it, and light blankets (No duvet or comforters), and a single pillow for the co-sleeping/bedsharing parent. I'm using a sheet and a single pillow, and sleep on my side in the 'protective position', which is really quite natural. My arm is above the baby (so seperates my pillow, which isn't migrating because it's under my head, from the baby), and the sheet is low around my waist. I dress to make the ambient temperature comfortable, then dress my baby similarly.

I like McKenna's approach because he's very moderate. His starting point seems to be that almost all parents co-sleep sometimes, and it is important to do it safely, while recognizing that if you make it too prohibitive, people will do it by accident in the wrong place -- the parent whose baby "always sleeps in the crib in the nursery down the hall" might wind up co-sleeping in a recliner, which is quite dangerous, because they fell asleep while nursing.

Best,

Anka


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## lkvosu (Feb 9, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *fruitfulmomma*
> 
> We've been bedsharing for over 11 years now and have never removed the blankets or pillows. *I keep the pillows under my head and the blankets under my arms. Most often we sleep in the spoon position so that I am holding the blankets down around the baby's waist, with their head near my chest.*
> 
> I would *never* have bedshared if I couldn't keep my pillows and blankets. I can't sleep that way and the whole reason I bedshare is so that I get enough sleep.


This is what we did. Also, I used a small pillow instead of my regular big fluffy one. I also wore a sweatshirt with a slit cut across the chest for easy nursing and to stay warm since I kept the blanket down low. After the newborn phase and he could roll over and such, I was not at all particular. We still cosleep and I use my normal pillow and blankets now. He's 9 months.

It really is amazing how aware you are of them even during sleep. I bet you'll know what feels right and safe when the time comes.


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## insidevoice (Feb 16, 2011)

Pillows stay for us, and a single comforter stays (lightweight) the top sheet however is removed (my one cosleeping scare involved the sheet.) The baby is positioned safely within the bed and usually I move the comforter sideways so it only covers to where I am, not to the side the baby is on. I dress the baby in a one-piece footed sleeper or a gown depending on age and what is clean. Only one of my babies has tolerated swaddling, but if yours do, that makes it all SOOOO much easier.

I don't follow 'the rules' exactly, but I do use a good deal of common sense. My one big deviation is that I am much more comfortable with a baby near a comforter than a sheet (DS managed to grab my sheet and wrap it over his neck. I woke up JUST in time- the sheet left that day. It means I have to wash my duvet cover a lot more often, but I am fine with that.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Everything stays. I do switch to a smaller pillow rather then my large one with a young baby and then when they are a little older, I switch back. I don't pull my covers up as much as I would either when they are smaller.


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## SilverFish (Jan 14, 2010)

we didn't change much. we usually have two pillows per person and a duvet with a duvet cover. we got rid of the second pillow altogether, and didn't worry about anything else. the duvet is a lightweight, cotton poly fill, so breathable, and the pillows are on the smaller, flatter side anyway. we felt totally safe. in the very early days, you are on hyper alert whether or not they're in bed with you, and by the time you relax a bit, they can move their heads and roll around a little anyway.


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## southernmommie (Jan 7, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *fruitfulmomma*
> 
> We've been bedsharing for over 11 years now and have never removed the blankets or pillows. I keep the pillows under my head and the blankets under my arms. Most often we sleep in the spoon position so that I am holding the blankets down around the baby's waist, with their head near my chest.
> 
> I would *never* have bedshared if I couldn't keep my pillows and blankets. I can't sleep that way and the whole reason I bedshare is so that I get enough sleep.


9 years here and we've done the same thing! It's amazing how God gave us moms the ability to instinctively respond to our babies. This is what has worked for us.


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## mediocrewitch (May 22, 2011)

A Friend gave us one of those little co-sleeper things to put in bed with us and we used that at first when he was tiny, but it gave us very little room on either side, and having to lift him out and put him back when nursing was a pain in the butt- he'd wake up every time I tried to put him back down. I had yet to learn how to nurse while lying down, too. Once I got comfortable with that--it was just so much more natural to curl my body around him and nurse him with us both on our sides & we'd both sleep better. So, we only used the co-sleeper for the first 2 or 3 weeks, and it was outta there! I am glad we had it to start with, though, just because it made me less nervous when he was so small til we got into our groove.

We have a very firm mattress (for my man's back- I used to have padding to make my side comfy for me, but I took that out when we had the baby) and we still have regular pillows ,sheets, blanket & comforter. He's at my breast level so the pillow isn't by his face, and he's such a little heat generator that I usually only have the sheet over us just up to his waist. Also, I bought some foam bumpers that tuck under the fitted sheet that are on the outside edge of the bed so I can have him on either side of me for nursing. I like to turn over & switch sides each time he wakes to eat- I can use either breast while on one side, but it's not very comfortable to use the upper one!


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## curiouslysane (Jul 16, 2011)

I think they've been recalled, but when our baby was an infant propped her in a' snuggle nest' between our heads. We didn't alter anything about our own pillows/sheets/duvet...but we did put her higher in the bed. That is to say we scooted our pillows down a tad so that if the comforter was at our shoulders, it was only at her waist. When she outgrew the snuggle nest, we ceased making any alterations to our bed...she just nestled against me, and we slept great that way.


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## Emalin (Dec 5, 2010)

I also use a small pillow and pull a light blanket just to waist level. All three of us have our own blankets so baby, who stays at chest level between us doesn't get covered. When it was cold, I used a space heater to keep the room extra warm. My husband travels for work quite a bit. When the baby and I are alone, I use a "Trestria" natural latex bumper that fits under the fitted sheet to block the open side of the bed. I love it and would recommend it to any single co-sleepers or couples who want to sleep next to each other with the baby next to mom (would need a king bed though...very crowded with a queen). Baby has started rolling over now, so it gives me peace of mind for naps too. Not sure how I'll modify when she starts crawling.


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## Ma Cactus (Mar 11, 2011)

We sleep with blankets and pillow(s). I found that since I was worried about the blankets and pillows when awake, I kept worrying about them when asleep, and if the blanket got too high, I would wake up. Instantly.

My best breastfeeding tops were short sleeved (and I was too cheap to buy any), so I also wore 'arm cozies' recycled from an old shirt in the winter so that I could sleep comfortably with my arms outside the blankets, which helps keep me in control of the position of the blanket without having to think about it.


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## AnkaJones (Jul 21, 2011)

I love your arm cozy idea, Ma Cactus! I'm already eyeing an old shirt.


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## greenmulberry (Jan 11, 2009)

I have one pillow under my head, and a light blanket.

Sometimes I have another pillow for between my knees.


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## flyrabbitfly (Jul 28, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ma Cactus*
> 
> We sleep with blankets and pillow(s). I found that since I was worried about the blankets and pillows when awake, I kept worrying about them when asleep, and if the blanket got too high, I would wake up. Instantly.
> 
> My best breastfeeding tops were short sleeved (and I was too cheap to buy any), so I also wore 'arm cozies' recycled from an old shirt in the winter so that I could sleep comfortably with my arms outside the blankets, which helps keep me in control of the position of the blanket without having to think about it.


Ma Cactus! You are so crazy with your arm cozies! Ha ha! ( no worries, readers: Ma Cactus is my twinnie, so I can laugh at her)
We got rid of the top sheet and just use a lightweight down comforter with a duvet. DH wears long sleeves because the blanket is always at waist level. He has a normal pillow, and I use a dog-bone pillow (great for low back support for the reluctant side-sleeper as well! I have 2) We were super nervous with him in bed as a newborn and now I wish we had relaxed more! I finally read the cosleeping chapter in the Dr Sears sleep book and that helped.
Good luck, relax and enjoy


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## wondertwins (Oct 12, 2007)

I thought for sure I would read our solution, but maybe it's not as practical or common as I'd thought! We sleep on a memory foam mattress, with baby in between us, where the "snuggle nest" is situated, and DH and I sleep with separate covers. Our twins slept one on each side of me, for ease of nursing and it just made sense for DH and I to have our own blankets (his is a sleeping bag). We actually like the set up, we can do our own temp control. The baby sleeps next to me, usually with his head on my arm, and sometimes in the snuggle nest. The control freak in me likes the barrier of the nest, protecting baby from his rolling daddy and twin siblings! We also kept our pillows with all three children and at 10 months, the baby sometimes sleeps on his back on my pillow, with my arm supporting his back making sure he doesn't roll.

Also, it's amazing to me how my sleep has changed after becoming a mother. As other mama's have posted, you instincts really kick in when co-sleeping. Before children I tossed and turned and was a really deep sleeper. These days I sleep very still, and wake up to the slightest noise.


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

I am significantly more paranoid about co-sleeping than most and also my son seemed bound and determined to try to suffocate himself. After waking up with him with a thick blanket covering his face...twice...we tucked the blanket into the bottom of the bed so it only went up around our waists and then put a sweatshirt on to keep warm on top. Then I used a small and firm pillow and kept that fairly far from his face. He slept between me and the wall and DH slept on the other side of me. Even now at three, he tries to bury his head in pillows and it drives me nuts!


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## insidevoice (Feb 16, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *APToddlerMama*
> 
> Even now at three, he tries to bury his head in pillows and it drives me nuts!


I gave up with my three year old. He's taken to wrapping the blanket completely around himself and ducking his head under the pillow at night. I invested in a couple super-light breathable pillows for him because it made me paranoid. I also put up a heavy duty ceiling fan AND have a window fan in blowing fresh air over the bed. I talked to my pediatrician about it yesterday, he laughed and said he didn't worry much about three year old, they often put a pillow over their heads to sleep, but they have enough body mass (usually- and certainly in my DS's case) that there isn't a way to trap air under the pillow- even a little crack will be enough air exchange for them. His worry is with tiny babies who don't have enough body mass to create much air exchange or who might have parents cover them and who aren't strong enough to move themselves or a pillow for better air exchange. The other thing he said to watch for is a child who snores a lot- in that case, he feels it is best to keep them in snuggle sacks instead of with blankets and pillows for a longer time to help preserve a good airway,


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *insidevoice*
> 
> I gave up with my three year old. He's taken to wrapping the blanket completely around himself and ducking his head under the pillow at night. I invested in a couple super-light breathable pillows for him because it made me paranoid. I also put up a heavy duty ceiling fan AND have a window fan in blowing fresh air over the bed. I talked to my pediatrician about it yesterday, he laughed and said he didn't worry much about three year old, they often put a pillow over their heads to sleep, but they have enough body mass (usually- and certainly in my DS's case) that there isn't a way to trap air under the pillow- even a little crack will be enough air exchange for them. His worry is with tiny babies who don't have enough body mass to create much air exchange or who might have parents cover them and who aren't strong enough to move themselves or a pillow for better air exchange. The other thing he said to watch for is a child who snores a lot- in that case, he feels it is best to keep them in snuggle sacks instead of with blankets and pillows for a longer time to help preserve a good airway,


Thanks insidevoice! He does snore. He had apnea as a baby from reflux too which is half the reason I got so paranoid. I think I need to get the snoring checked out. I am wondering if he needs his adenoids out or something...


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

I used a small pillow and kept the blankets down just above my waist. I didn't use my blankets for them. Every night I wore a super-soft poly fleece shirt to keep my top half warm. This felt warm and comfortable against my skin.


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

I never removed anything. I have 2 small pillows and a thin blanket and sheet on my bed. I am a pretty light sleeper and am always aware of the position of the blankets and pillows and baby, so everything has always worked out. I would not use a heavy comforter that is for sure.

One thing we are trying to do now is replace all of our bedding including our mattress with natural products that are free of petroleum chemicals and flame retardants. I wish I would have known about that stuff when DD was a baby so she would not have been exposed to my traditional mattress and pillows. Our first step is to replace our pillows with wool pillows, I already got a cotton and organic cotton mattress protector to use until we can afford a natural/organic matress.


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## hasya (Jun 27, 2010)

I used to place the nursing pillow around her feet until she was 6 months old. To tell us that that is where she is. I use only a light pillow. All other pillows go to the foot of the bed. We used only thin bedsheets for "comforters", and then, wrapped them around us. Just these past 2 days. it somehow feels comfortable to use a light comforter over all of us. We don't pull it up high, though, and her head is just below mine; just right for nursing, haha.


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## Somemyrrh (Oct 1, 2010)

I sleep with my daughter with the normal number of pillows, but she sleeps between my knees and shoulders so she can nurse at night. I use blankets over my legs and sometimes over my back, but not over the baby. I sleep topless for the skin to skin connection and to make sure my body keeps the baby at the right temperature. We just set the central HVAC to between 67 degrees (winter)and 71 degrees (summer) at night. This has worked well for over a year.


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## Archaeomom (Jun 12, 2011)

What about transitioning out of co-sleeping? This down the road, but I can't find any literature on this issue. Eventually I want my bed back for me and the hubby. Mom of 15 month old.


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## StarCoveter (Jun 28, 2010)

We didn't change anything with DD. I've been mindful of how high the comforter goes, but haven't been too concerned. We haven't had a scare and I feel she's completely safe between the two of us. I usually sleep with my arm around her and can wake up in an instant if she begins to fuss. She's now 7.5 months old. It really hasn't been a problem at all!


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## PrettyBittyMama (Jun 25, 2011)

When DD was very young (0-4 months) she had her own blanket (warm, but not fluffy). The bed we were using at that time was big enough that she could have a "side" all to herself. That way the comforters and pillows that we (adults) used never really got too close to her.

Now (she is 16 months old) I just tuck the blanket around her like I would with any child (not around her face, of course). She doesn't use pillows, but they are there on the bed for me. If it is winter than the blankets are big and warm. We've never had problems with it.


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## jldumm (Sep 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Peony*
> 
> Everything stays. I do switch to a smaller pillow rather then my large one with a young baby and then when they are a little older, I switch back. I don't pull my covers up as much as I would either when they are smaller.


this. we/ i just watch the comforter. and dress more warmly myself when needed..


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## hasya (Jun 27, 2010)

She's 15 months old, and I am now feeling comfortable with tucking the comforter around her legs, with the other side tucked below me. She kicks it off if she doesn't want it.


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## Kobaby (Mar 28, 2011)

When DS was tiny he had a Close and Secure co-sleeper in bed with us. From 2.5 months he was sleeping with us, and we didn't reduce any bedding. I got lulled into a false sense of security, and just recently at 8.5 months we had our first co-sleeping scare. We no longer sleep with pillows in the bed.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

We didn't change anything. With ds1, I actually had him completely under the covers after a couple months because it was winter & our place was *cold*. There was no way I was going without blankets and I had them pulled over my shoulders. He & I shared a single bed for the 10 months or so, so if I was covered, so was he. With my other 2 kids (and the purchase of a king size bed) we keep all our blankets & comforters, I just make sure they aren't pulled up over the baby's head. I do actually cover them with the blanket though, if it's cold enough & depending on how their skin feels temperature wise.


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## greencarnation (Oct 1, 2010)

We are new at it, though I grew up with family bed. I use a pillow, but I keep him with his head at breast level. I sleep on my side curled around him, sometimes with him in the crook of my arm. I am using a thin blanket that I tuck under my pillow and smooth out, so he can be on top of it, then I pull it over me. I usually put him in a swaddle blanket or one of those sleep sack things.


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## Veritas Vitae (Dec 26, 2011)

Wondertwins, that is what my twin sister and her husband do as well, they each have their own twin sized blanket, and then have the baby in between them. I'm thinking that is what I'll do as well.


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## ChristinaLucia (May 1, 2006)

There was a baby who recently died close to where I am living due to pillows so I think it is good to be cautious.

I love having a blanket on even in summer, so that was an adjustment. I wear flannel pants and a nursing bra which helps it feel more like a blanket to me. I later bought a tiny travel pillow to sleep on too.


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## MrsGregory (Dec 21, 2011)

When she was brand-spankin' new (and it was already obvious that if she didn't sleep in my arms she didn't sleep) I slept flat on the mattress with the sheet and cotton blanket pulled up to my waist. Now that's she's older, stronger, and able to adjust herself (and squawk loudly if she's in trouble) I have my pillow back. Which is AWESOME for my neck.

Husband reports that many mornings he'll be trying to rouse me by rubbing my arm, saying my name, and he gets no response, but shortly before or after she'll sigh and try to turn, and I'll pop and eye open, arrange her to her liking and move around her again. He's amazed by it.

She hates the blanket. So it's still just up to my waist, and over the shoulder farthest from her.

I did not plan to bed-share. We planned to have her in her co-sleeper and not in the bed. The hospital would not allow her in my bed, so after 48 sleepless hours (we'd drift off, nurse would come in and move her, she'd scream, I'd pick her up, nurse, comfort, we'd drift off... repeat) I got in bed at home and we took our first good nap together. And we were off to the races, so to speak. She naps in her co-sleeper now, and starts the night out there. But as soon as she wakes up for her first middle of the night feeding she comes in bed with me and stays there until morning.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Veritas Vitae*
> 
> Wondertwins, that is what my twin sister and her husband do as well, they each have their own twin sized blanket, and then have the baby in between them. I'm thinking that is what I'll do as well.


I would never be comfortable with this. I just dont feel like my DH has the intuition that I have about our babies while he is asleep. IMO, little babies belong in between their mother and the edge of the bed, not in between two adults. But, Im also a cuddlewhore and I cant imagine not being able to sleep next to DH.

We would love to sleep under a heavy down comforter and keep the room at about 60 degrees at night. But, we dont. We use only a sheet and a quilt and two pillows that are fairly stiff and very large. Basically, they stay where they are supposed to stay and I sacrifice being able to put a pillow under my arm at night. We go back and forth between the co sleeper and having him in the bed, and did the same with DD. Everyone has to do what is best for them, but I dont know that dads should be sleeping right next to brand new babes.

edited for clarification.


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## greencrunchymom (Feb 14, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> I would never be comfortable with this. I just dont feel like my DH has the intuition that I have about our babies while he is asleep. IMO, little babies belong in between their mother and the edge of the bed, not in between two adults. But, Im also a cuddlewhore and I cant imagine not being able to sleep next to DH.
> We would love to sleep under a heavy down comforter and keep the room at about 60 degrees at night. But, we dont. We use only a sheet and a quilt and two pillows that are fairly stiff and very large. Basically, they stay where they are supposed to stay and I sacrifice being able to put a pillow under my arm at night. We go back and forth between the co sleeper and having him in the bed, and did the same with DD. Everyone has to do what is best for them, but I dont know that dads should be sleeping right next to brand new babes.
> edited for clarification.


I know that I don't trust my DH to sleep with the baby in the bed because he's a heavy sleeper and I'm afraid he'll squash the baby. I agree that babies should be by mamas and not in the middle.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My husband and I are both very light sleepers so this isn't something I've worried about. I never removed any bedding, but at some point I put the first one under her own blanket so she wouldn't get overheated by my body temp, and I always had the second under her own blanket. I don't have extra pillows anyway but if I did I would get rid of those.


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## element2012 (Jun 13, 2011)

When DD was first born, we spent most of the night with her between me and the edge of the bed, and her in her own blanket. She's always kept at breast level, not head level, or even just a little lower. When she slept between us, we pulled the blanket down and she still slept in her own blanket. We never removed any pillows. My DH is a very deep sleeper but always has a keen awareness of where she is, not saying that all men are like this. At around 5 weeks she was sturdy enough to sleep in the same blanket as us, and I'm always very aware of where the blanket is, I've woken up when it became too high.


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