# Pinching as a form of punishment?



## Yin Yang

I was just wondering where would pinching your child for doing things you don't want him to do fit into?














: My friend has 22 months old and I noticed that if he does something bad they pinch him into his shoulder (well - almost neck)
Few days ago, he was REALLY annoying and bit his mother pretty bad and she pinched him pretty hard.

Isn't it the exact same thing as spanking your child? It's just more convenient for the parent because people don't see pinching you your child. I would not even noticed if I would not have known they do it this way.

What do you think about it?


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## Cranberry

I think that's abusive. The only thing the child learns from that is that it's OK to hurt others. That poor child.


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## Piglet68

IMO, using pain to manipulate a child's behaviour is rotten, no matter how that pain is inflicted.









I doubt you're going to get much debate on that here.


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## Mylie

I once knew a mom of 2 girls that used to pinch her girls skin directly below the chin almost to the throat and she would hang on to it while she reprimanded them when they didn't listen.It used to make me so angry and mad when she did this.I tried talking to her and she only got angry at me.We live 3 states away from each other now but i've never forgotten how she could do that to her little girls.Used to make me cry for them.She was otherwise very loving toward them but I found this barbaric and hurtful. : Love Mylie xx


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## IdentityCrisisMama

Pinching and hitting can both be forms of corporal punishment. I do not support CP.


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## Yin Yang

How can I talk to my friend without her getting mad at me? I hate situations like that....she is already sick of me talking to her constantly about natural childbirth, not letting CIO and stuff like that......
We only found each other recently and I don't wanna loos her as my friend. ( we are both from the same country).
I think her child feels insecure because I came into her life with my 10 months old and her son is extremely jelous of him. Anytime we are around her son behave really badly.


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## gaffa

I'm not surprised he's jealous. You are probably considerate, listen to your child, and give him lots of compassion. His mom pinches him.







:


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## Piglet68

Based on what you said, you can't talk to her without her getting mad at you.

You need to decide if this is the sort of environment you want your son exposed to, and whether it's worth it to have this person as a "friend".

To me, it would be like subjecting my kid to a disturbing movie on TV. I just won't put my kids in situations where they are exposed to parents treating their children that way.


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## mamaduck

Quote:

My friend has 22 months old and I noticed that if he does something bad they pinch him into his shoulder (well - almost neck)
Pretty sure that James Dobson specifically recommends this tactic. Wonder if that is where they got it?

I think its very wrong.


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## phathui5

I remember reading Dobson recommending it in an either Dare to Discipline or the Strong Willed Child.


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## PikkuMyy

How about giving her a suggestion to move him away and say "NO" in a very loud voice, followed by a replacement behavior. If he is hitting her, he has some reason - trying to get her attention, etc. and she can show him what to do instead.

If you save the "NO" in a very loud voice for times when you really mean it, children will take you seriously because they will know it is important.


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## CortLong

IMHO it's worse than spanking- but that's just me.


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## nikirj

My mom used to pinch us on the arms. It hurts like HECK and IMO, is worse than spanking. I'm pretty sure she did it because she didn't want people to think she was hurting us, it usually looked like she was just grabbing our arms. She did it all the way through our teenage years.


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## Parker'smommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
IMO, using pain to manipulate a child's behaviour is rotten, no matter how that pain is inflicted.









I doubt you're going to get much debate on that here.

I agree on both points!!

Yes, pinching is the same as spanking. It is using pain as punishment, not gentle at all!


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## *Erin*

definitely abusive behavior. that's a great point piglet made here

Quote:

Based on what you said, you can't talk to her without her getting mad at you.

You need to decide if this is the sort of environment you want your son exposed to, and whether it's worth it to have this person as a "friend".

To me, it would be like subjecting my kid to a disturbing movie on TV. I just won't put my kids in situations where they are exposed to parents treating their children that way.
i totally agree. sounds like there's not a whole lot you're going to tell her that she'll listen to, you know? so it becomes a situation where you have to decide if you can live with that kind of behavior.


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## Alexander

Are you sure you want to? Just because she is from the same country is not grounds for forming a relationship with another parent around which your child would be exposed.

Think into the future. How will that other child (who, by the way is being subjected to systematic torture) begin to treat your own child.

Have a frank ultimatum -now-. Confront her to stop, and if she refuses, or fails, cut the relationship.

Be ruthless about this. It is for your child's benefit.

a


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## Yin Yang

Well well.....thank you all for your responses.

I do have to say something though. I don't know if she'd get mad if I'd told her - I never said I was sure she would.
She is very kind and loving person to her son, despite of her pinching method of punishment. WE are all only humans and we all learn. She has never been "exposed" to AP parent before and she is very open and understanding person.

I am not gonna quit relationship with her just because of that. I don't think it's the only solution to leave someone when we don;t agree with something they do......it's kind of like in marriage, isn't?
You don't give up on someone because they don't know otherwise, do you?

Maybe that was the whole reason we have met....to show her, there are other ways.........


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## Piglet68

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pavlina*
How can I talk to my friend without her getting mad at me? I hate situations like that....she is already sick of me talking to her constantly about natural childbirth, not letting CIO and stuff like that......

This is what led me to say what I did. You can try to talk to her if you like, of course, but based on this I'd say her response will be the same as with the other subjects.

A new friendship is hardly the same thing as a marriage. I would not subject my child to watching other children get screamed at or hit or pinched even for my husband's sake! I sure as heck wouldn't do it for some lady I barely know.

Look, maybe you could just say to her that you don't pinch and you don't want your child exposed to that, so could she just agree not to do that when you are together...that way you don't have to put it on her to agree she is wrong, etc...just respect your values...maybe that would work?


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## DaryLLL

From my research on Dobson today, I found he does, or at least did, rec "squeezing the trapezius muscle," ie: pinching the neck, as discipline.
















Well, at least he is not as bad as Ezzo.







???


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## *Erin*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaryLLL*
From my research on Dobson today, I found he does, or at least did, rec "squeezing the trapezius muscle," ie: pinching the neck, as discipline.
















Well, at least he is not as bad as Ezzo.







???

ugh. that's awful.


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## Alexander

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pavlina*
.

I am not gonna quit relationship with her just because of that. I don't think it's the only solution to leave someone when we don;t agree with something they do......it's kind of like in marriage, isn't?
You don't give up on someone because they don't know otherwise, do you?


No. But you would if they didn't change after a discussion.

Your arguemnet does not change the fact that it is you child that MUST come first, not the relationship with your friend. I agree with Piglet (again!) that "I would not subject my child to watching other children get screamed at or hit or pinched ..."

So, give her the chance to reconsider what she does. Do it as gently and as firmly as you can. If there is no improvement in her behavior, cut her loose.

a


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## IdentityCrisisMama

I had one of my first encounters with CP recently. It happened that a "friend" (more like an acquaintance on odd circumstances) came to stay with me. Things were complicated because we aren't close but he and his child have been left by the mother. Sad situation all around and I actually think we are one of his closest and most respected "friends"...and he hits his child...what to do???

I can tell you what worked for me while he was here but I will say that we have chosen not to pursue this friendship much further than helping to support him and his child.

I talked to him through my child. I overemphasized that we never hit -- ANY living thing. It only took him a few hours before he realized that hitting was not welcome in our home and he stopped. You may try a similar thing with your friend. I find talking through your child is an excellent way to get uncomfortable things said -- I guess because they are being "overheard" rather than confronted to the person. Perhaps, explaining to your child *why* this woman was pinching may actually highlight the ridiculousness of it - maybe not. What it may do is allow her to see that this is not acceptable for her to be doing in front or your child, which I think is the first and most important step.

I have old friends that are family that I will always support and I have new friends that I will support until they are out of my life. I also have friends that I keep because we have things in common because I have a unique/limiting lifestyle. I understand your dilemma but I would also not let this happen in front of my child. After that is no longer and issue I would reevaluate the situation.

Perhaps a last option could be to keep her as an adult friend and avoid family things. I have a few friends that I would not want to mix with my family life and this works well enough.


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## lavanya_suvvi

Hi


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