# what to do? (somewhat graphic and long-sorry!)



## elbee (Mar 2, 2003)

hi mamas...

Found out at our routine ultrasound on Dec. 2nd (when I would have been 10.5 weeks) that there was no heartbeat and that the baby stopped developping at 9.5 weeks... very very sad.

Anyhoo, waited 'til the following Sunday (6 days) when bleeding started. It has continued since then (now 15 days) not super heavy,(volume wise, like a light but persistent period) darkish black blood with only tiny tiny clots (like the size of a pea at most) tapering off to brown and then picking up again. Very little actual red blood and only minimal cramping.
We had another ultrasound on the 18th (3 days ago) that showed us that the egg sac is still intact.
So I guess I am to assume that the miscarriage still hasn't really started?

I keep waiting for the gush of blood and the cramping and actual large clots. Nothing.... I'm getting frustrated and am so unsure what to do... I wanted to do this naturally but am having my doubts now since it seems to be taking so long and bleeding over such a long period of time.
I've been vigilant about monitoring my temp. probing my lower abdomen and checking for 'unpleasant' smells! I am so fearful of infection. Is it possible to have an infection and not know it?
I've been taking megadoses of vitamin c and strong strong ginger tea, garlic and iron (suggested by homeopath, midwife and birth attendants)

Also getting lots and lots of family opinion about this since it is 'interferring' with Christmas. We're supposed to go out to the coast (10 ish hours away) and I just don't know what to do...
Is it awfully stupid to be considering travel at a time like this? It seems a bit insane to me, but I'm having troubles thinking very clearly, having gone over this a thousand and one times in my head.

I know that the risks would include, being in actual labour in the car, hemorraging miles away from a hospital etc. etc.
I know though that having a d&c doesn't necessarily eliminate the risk of hemorrage or infection.

Dh is being wonderful, totally supportive of whatever decision I make and dealing with his family who are wondering why I have to 'make everything more complicated than it needs to be!'

I'm having problems just letting go and trusting my body to deal with this...

Sorry to go on and on about this.. am just having problems knowing what to do.. and why this is taking so long? (or maybe it just seems that way to me? It seems from others experiences that it is over quite quickly)

Thanks mamas and big hugs to all of you.......

Laura
mama to Finn (09/27/01)


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Laura,

I don't know how to answer your questions but did want to offer my sympathy - so, so very sorry.

I would get opinions from my midwife and also my general doctor on possible courses of action now.

I am so glad your husband is being supportive. Your in-laws are being... (trying to find a nice way to say it) well, just horrible! How could they say that to you? How could they not bend over backwards to accomodate you at a time like this?

Xmas happens every year. It is a LONG drive. Regardless of what you decide to do or not do medically, stay at home where you are most comfortable. If it were all over and at least a month had passed, I would say maybe, if you feel like it, go and get your mind off it? But now? I can't even believe they think you should come.

You are not out of line. Please, please think of yourself first right now. And DO NOT let your husband go there and leave you home (I doubt he would). You need him with you now and you need to do what is best for you.

Again, so very sorry for your loss.
Kirsten


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Laura, I'm so sorry about your loss. What a stressfull time you're having on top of it all. You sound like such a leavel headed person, keep searching for answers like you are and you'll know you're making the best choices for you.

As for a D&C, this is surgery. You cannot just 'go to the hospital and get one' and if you ARE able to before your trip, you will be recovering and likely advised NOT to travel. After a D&C you could experience a lot of cramping and discomfort. Sitting in a car for 10 hours is not a good idea. I don't know what dh's family is expecting?

There is no good time for a miscarriage, it has it's own agenda and you cannot control it any more than you can control the outcome of a pregnancy.

As for the path your miscarriage is taking, it could be that your body will let the baby go more gently and you may not experience severe cramping. But again, miscarriage is a birth and each one is unique. If you have a moment read through some of the miscarriage theads here and you'll see no two women go through it the same. Your miscarriage could still be happening normally. but taking it's time.

Nobody can answer your question on weather to go. But I would suspect your Dr. or Midwife will advise against it. It could be a very uncomfortable drive. If you do decide to go, please make sure you stop often to walk and move, I'm concerned about clots forming.

Please remember that your body is going through a great deal right now. It's very important that you keep hydrated, try to eat a good ballanced diet and rest often.

I wish you gentleness as you move through this


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## wolfmom (Jan 10, 2003)

Laura - I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, especially now. I went thru this this summer and it is very hard to make these decisions. Yes, i think that when you are waiting it does seem like a REALLY long time no matter how long it is. I remember feeling like my m/c would never happen(i had to wait about 2 weeks). that said, many women take as long as you or longer with no negative outcome. You will know if you get an infection before it gets too far. you will have a fever, abdominal pain, the odor will be unavoidable, and you will have body aches. but it is very good that you are paying such close attention 'cause if it does happen, the sooner you get treatment the better. I second the recommendation of staying home just because i thought it would be good to distract myself and we went on a 4 hr round trip day trip and that is of course when my m/c decided to happen. Doing that away from home and inthe car is NOT fun! But you must decide what is best for you. Most importantly, be very gentle with yourself, support your immune system, be patient, and stay in contact with your care provider. Good luck with everything and pm me if you want to talk!
peace and health,


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## karenpl (Dec 18, 2001)

{{{ Laura }}}

What a incredible hard experience to go through :-( So sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks early this year, and it took 'ages' to complete. And even in the end I still had episodes with clots and such. I didn't do an u/s, but I might have had the same experience as you had, not having lost the baby yet after 'only' 15 days of bleeding.

What did help me was having weekly blood draws for hcg levels. The numbers kept going down, which gave me confidence that my body was taking care of things, even although it was taking way way longer than I wanted!

I think you are the only one who can make the decision on this trip and let it be YOUR decision, not guided by your family. I think that I would do it, figuring that most likely things will work out, but I can totally see where you would prefer NOT to do it, but have a quiet christmas at home instead. It really is YOUR decision, and whatever you decide will be right for you.

I remember feeling that things were taking way too long, that I just couldn't stand it. I waited three weeks before I started miscarrying, and then the miscarriage took about four weeks I think. But I hated the idea of a D&C more than just waiting it out. And although it took so long, looking back I am very happy that I did it this way, and that I let my body and my baby take care of things, that I could let things happen at their own pace.

{{{ HUGS }}} again and good luck on making the right decision for you!

Karen


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Lauren, I am so terribly sorry you are going through this.

I agree with the others about traveling right now. It isn't just that you may labor in the car but traveling is exhausting. We don't realize it so much while we are healthy but going through such a sad experience and then be expected to travel 10 hours is a bit much IMO.

After my dd was born my grandmother died a week later. Since it was my grandmother, my dh and I traveled the 5 hours to the funeral. While it was lovely to see everyone sooner after my birth than I expected, it was awful feeling so incredibly drained.

I am pretty good with traveling, I have been all over the country but this was much different. I don't ever recall being so exhausted and worn, I wasn't even that tired after the birth, when we got home I was a wreck. The trip really took a lot out of me and I tend to be pretty hardy.

It is sad your in-laws are reacting the way they are. How can they possibly blame you for such a thing, that is very unkind and pretty selfish IMO.

Maybe you can make them an offer, if they buy your airfare then you'll consider it. I really think 10 hours would be too hard for you right now. I am really not certain how being around people who would react in such a way would be good for you right now but I know how it is to try and keep things peaceful in the family.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this.


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## momto11 (Jul 13, 2003)

Laura, sending my sympathies and understanding to you. I know that many have said that each loss is different, and that is so true. I also know of the millions of thoughts that keep running thru your head, can be overwelming and also very tiring too. I guess you just have to go with your instinct on this, along with the advice from your caregivers. I miscarried in July, right during the 4th of July weekend celebrations, and I had my dh take the kids and continue with their normal routine, while I stayed home. I didn't want to chance having something happen while I was at the relatives, especially because no one even knew that I was expecting. It took my body about 2 weeks to complete the miscarriage from the time I started spotting. My doc preferred me to do it naturally, but also told me when I needed to come in, for infections, too much bleeding etc. I am glad now, of how I chose to proceed, but it is so individual for each person. Please know that you need to make the decision that will be right for you, and don't worry about what anyone else will think! I am glad that you dh is supportive of whatever decision you think will be right. Take care, and get lots of rest.


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