# What can we as a people do to prevent rape?



## alaskan mom (Aug 19, 2004)

Do you know your neighbors? Have you checked the sex offender registry? Do you talk about it with others?

If you have been raped, I give you all the love and hope I have. If you need to tell your story, this is a good place. Of course this is only if you feel completely comfortable.

I started this post to make others aware. Bless all of you :]

If anyone has any thoughts, or feeling, please feel free to express anything. All opinions are welcome.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I have two friends who were raped. Protecting the Gift really spoke to me because my friends both were afraid of the men but they didn't want to be rude.

I live in an area with a lower violent crime rate than the one I grew up in ~ first Santa Cruz, CA (although I knew a woman raped there) and now Heidelberg, Germany. I don't do much to prevent something from happening other than trusting my instincts and be reasonably safe.


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## kaydee (Aug 13, 2004)

Only rapists can prevent rape. Political activism can help end a rape culture.

Feminist self defense (as is taught in IMPACT courses) can help women learn techniques to avoid assault, to de-escalate, or to fight back in an attack. These courses can help women feel more powerful (they were mentioned in The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift, and are recommended by author Gavin de Becker).


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## PurpleBasil (Jan 28, 2004)

Isn't the sex offender registry a United States only thing? And not all states at that? I don't think other countries want to encourage that sort of public identification like the U.S. does.

I agree that activists can help to end a rape culture. Advertising is a big problem in this.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

The registries are not made as public as they should be. Some places do not allow public access to the records. You can go into the police station, and ask if a particular person is registered, but that's about it.

Also, the registries only list those who are convicted of certain offenses - not arrests. Same with background checks - in many jobs, they only check for felony convictions and not arrests. The idea being that an arrest does not prove guilt - but I don't care, I'm not leaving my kid with someone who was "only arrested" for rape!


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## MidnightCafe (Oct 27, 2003)

Anybody ever read the book _Telling_ by Patricia Weaver Francisco? Her basic premise is that one way to begin preventing rape and sexual assault is to start talking about it...and to listen when people tell their stories...to create a community in which is it not embarrassing or humiliating to be a survivor, where survivors can talk without feeling as though they ought to dissapear or stop making people feel uncomfortable by telling their story. In these subtle & not-so-subtle ways our society blames the survivor. When blame begins to be placed squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrators, then we will be moving toward prevention. I think it takes courage on the part of survivors to make this begin to happen. We need to start telling stories & letting other people tell theirs... Here's a thread I started a while ago with my own story:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=158798


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## Penalt (Jan 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kaydeesac*
Only rapists can prevent rape. Political activism can help end a rape culture.

Feminist self defense (as is taught in IMPACT courses) can help women learn techniques to avoid assault, to de-escalate, or to fight back in an attack. These courses can help women feel more powerful (they were mentioned in The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift, and are recommended by author Gavin de Becker).

Let us not forget that rape is not a crime where women are exclusively the victims. Men who have been raped often face a greater stigma then women because rape is a crime that "isn't supposed to happen to men". Yah, right. Evil knows no gender limitations and rape, no matter what justification is attempted, is evil.

I have been personally disgusted by the whole Kobe Bryant trial. Not because of the content of the charges but by the defence's spiritual destruction of the accuser to get their client off. Rape is rape whenever the victim says,"No."


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## Penalt (Jan 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *playdoh*
Isn't the sex offender registry a United States only thing? And not all states at that? I don't think other countries want to encourage that sort of public identification like the U.S. does.

I agree that activists can help to end a rape culture. Advertising is a big problem in this.

Nope, Canada has a sex offender registry too. It also has a "Dangerous Offender" designation. Essentially if a court finds that a sex offender is likely to reoffend no matter what attempts at rehabilitation are, the offender is given this designation and their sentence becomes "indefinite at the pleasure of the Crown".

In other words they stay in jail forever unless a judge is convinced the offender IS rehabilitated. Not attempting, not becoming but is rehabilitated.


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## kaydee (Aug 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Penalt*
Let us not forget that rape is not a crime where women are exclusively the victims. Men who have been raped often face a greater stigma then women because rape is a crime that "isn't supposed to happen to men". Yah, right. Evil knows no gender limitations and rape, no matter what justification is attempted, is evil.

True--although *most* adult victims of sexual assault are female, and the *vast* majority of perpetrators are male. Many IMPACT chapters across the country also offer self-defense classes for men. My husband took the course in the Bay Area and benefited greatly from it. The feminist approach to self-defense works for men, too, as it challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, machismo, the linking of men with fighting, etc.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

I think it is naive to say we cannot prevent rape. This does not mean I think we can not put blame on who is the attacker. It is ultimately their fault on the attack.

We can do some common since things to help prevent it.

1. Take your own car on dates.
2. Have some one walk you out to your car.
3. Give clear communication. Make no mean no, not maybe.
4. Don't isolate yourself from help or getting away.
5. Be aware of your surroundings.
6. Trusting your instincts.
7. Staying sober (this doesn't mean you cannot have drinks but don't get intoxicated so you can be taken advantage of.)
8. Looking in your back seat before getting your car.

Making it clear to your children MALE AND FEMALE appropriate behaviors.

As for men getting raped we honestly do not have any statistics because it is not reported. Many people think a man cannot get it up under that type of pressure but that is not the truth. Those pictures from the Iraq prisoners gave proof that their penis will work under fear. I have not recently checked the charges but I do not understand why those people were not charged with sexual assault and at times rape.


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

marsupial, i found several of your tips to be the same old blame the victim mentality.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom*
As for men getting raped we honestly do not have any statistics because it is not reported. Many people think a man cannot get it up under that type of pressure but that is not the truth.


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## mom2lyndsey (Jun 10, 2004)

When I read the topic (subject) my first thought was, we should be raising our sons to know that violence is not acceptable. I admit that's theoretical as I have a daughter. I see a lot of behavior defined as "he's all boy". My answer to those moms is "if it's not acceptable for my daughter to be doing ________ then it's not acceptable for her son to be doing it". I am teaching my 3 1/2 yr old daughter that violent behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if the behavior is by her or toward her.

Lydia


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

even if it is a family member 'that just woudn't do that'
I spent years believing it WAS my fault because at age 11 I had on a two piece ( though modest my dad wouldn't let me nor would i want to wear one of the more revealing suits of that time period ot a bit but those compared to todays look like much more coveredup!) and I MUST have done something to set off my loon of an uncle
who was signed out against medical and legal advice from a nut farm, taking lithium, dexedrine, trazadone and several other drugs

Get over the blame the victim mentality though even I have been guilty of that once or twice and admittedly ashamed and working on myself

Just because her skirt doesn't go to her ankles doesn't make her 'asking for it;
Just because his jeans are tighter than what you would wear doesn't mean he is asking for it'

Teach our kids no means no
Teach bad from good touch
the play it safe program didn't exsist when I was a kid that my kids had before we hs...I sometimes wonder if it would have helped??
Let your kids know that they can come talk to you about anything anytime..that they have a safe haven..


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Good point, Lydia! I think we also have to raise our daughters so they never fell bad or wrong about speaking up when something's unacceptable to them. Validate their perceptions & instincts, KWIM? I would *love* to see a generation spring forth of men & women who all retain the assertiveness AND the sensitivity they were born with.


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

*What can we as a people do to prevent rape?*

Matriarchy! Matriarchy! Back to the sacred feminine.


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## griffin2004 (Sep 25, 2003)

One thing we can do is to support the formation and activism of "Men Against Rape"-type groups and similar efforts. In addition to the suffering of a woman who has been raped, the crime also rips families, community, and society apart. The 99.9% of men who are not predators are WAY too quiet about what happens to their moms, sisters, partners, daughters, and friends when you read stats like these:
--Less than 20% of rapes and sexual assaults are reported to the police
--The United States has a 4 times higher rape rate than Germany, 13 times higher than England and 20 times higher than Japan.
--A 1995 study among college women has shown that 1 out of every 5 college age women report being forced to have sexual intercourse.
--Less than half of those arrested for rape are convicted

And lets not forget our precious babies:
--1 in 3 sexual assault victims are under the age of 12

(stats source http://sa.rochester.edu/masa/ )

And, no, I'm not saying women should wait for men to ride in on their white horses and rescue us. My suggestion is just one of a million things we as people can do to prevent rape.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Here are some things that men can do to prevent rape: (with use of the most common pronouns, for convenience)

1. If you are on a date and sharing a car, drive your date home without raping her.
2. If you see a woman walking to her car alone, don't rape her.
3. If a woman says "maybe" or "no", take both of those to mean no.
4. If you see a woman all alone, isolated from any help, don't rape her.
5. If you can tell a woman is unaware of her surroundings, don't rape her.
6. If you can tell a woman is not trusting her instincts and will be highly suggestible, don't rape her.
7. If a woman is extremely intoxicated and won't remember anything, don't rape her.
8. Don't hide in the backseat of a woman's car waiting to rape her.


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Greaseball*
Here are some things that men can do to prevent rape: (with use of the most common pronouns, for convenience)

1. If you are on a date and sharing a car, drive your date home without raping her.
2. If you see a woman walking to her car alone, don't rape her.
3. If a woman says "maybe" or "no", take both of those to mean no.
4. If you see a woman all alone, isolated from any help, don't rape her.
5. If you can tell a woman is unaware of her surroundings, don't rape her.
6. If you can tell a woman is not trusting her instincts and will be highly suggestible, don't rape her.
7. If a woman is extremely intoxicated and won't remember anything, don't rape her.
8. Don't hide in the backseat of a woman's car waiting to rape her.


Thank you!!!!!!


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama ganoush*
marsupial, i found several of your tips to be the same old blame the victim mentality.

I am sorry you feel like they are blaming the victem. I am not!! It is call protecting yourself. These things are thigns all people can and should to to protect themselves from not only rapest but the everday mugger.

I knew before going into the military the advantages of staying in a pack. But it was after being in the military and seeing my buddies, male and female mugged, raped, and assulted by unwelcoming civilians did I realize how these things make since. It is called protecting yourself.

You can protect yourself only so much. It doesn't make it a person's fault if they were attacked.

I was robbed at one of my jobs going out to the trash can. There was a guy at hidden in the trash area. So what did the company insist on doing. 1. put up lighting in these dim areas. 2. Making trash a group activity.

I look at those things like having a burgler alarm on my house. It is a preventive messure doesn't mean it won't happen.


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## alaskan mom (Aug 19, 2004)

what you said was very good and informative. Teaching prople how to protect themselves is important!


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## Mothra (Jun 4, 2002)

I don't think we're going to be able to do anything about rape until we accept that women cannot stop rape. Rape is not a women's issue. Rape is a men's issue. Only men can stop rape by NOT RAPING. All of the self-defense in the world will not stop most rapists.

I also believe that all of the advice for women for preventing rape is well-intentioned but misplaced. It does feed the victim-blaming mentality. Whenever a woman is raped, people want to know what she was wearing and what she was doing alone/out after dark/daring to live her life like she would actually be safe in public. Of course women should take measures to protect themselves. But it makes me angry that we have to take measures to protect ourselves against rapists. It makes me angry that I have to spend my money on mace and my time on self-defense classes and thinking about how to avoid dangerous situations because someone else is a criminal.

I've been raped twice. Not one of those things you listed would have protected me.


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## MidnightCafe (Oct 27, 2003)

Anybody seen this before?

http://www.vday.org/main.html

Here'a a link to the v-day Public Service Ad campaign...

http://www.vday.org/contents/vcampaigns/psa

Check out the ads. They really are provocative. Not sure what I think about whether or not they will really stop violence...but then, if I really believe that the first step is talking about it, this is a pretty good catalyst...

And some of their other campaigns:

http://www.vday.org/contents/vcampaigns


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

Whenever a woman is raped, people want to know what she was wearing and what she was doing alone/out after dark/daring to live her life like she would actually be safe in public.
This is true. People ask the victim if she was drunk or out walking alone in alleys at night. I think they are trying to prove to themselves that rape only happens to people who don't follow "the list" so they can pretend they are not at risk.

Besides, most women are raped by people they know. I'm sure the people you know who would rape you aren't going to be in the bushes or the dark alleys. They will be in your home or your neighborhood or workplace.


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Marsupialmom, how many men do you know who feel the need to assess every situation for the chances of rape occurring, the way your list suggests women do? No, don't give me the line that men get raped too; yes, they do, but my question is, _how many men do you know of who feel the need to regularly take preventative action to defend themselves against rape?_

The whole problem, IMO, is that we live in a society where women need to pass around lists of tips to keep themselves from being raped. This mindset places rape in the same category as heart attacks, or falls from ladders, or drownings. Those things can sometimes be prevented by following safety checklists. *RAPE can be prevented by having a society that doesn't tolerate men who rape*.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

how many men do you know of who feel the need to regularly take preventative action to defend themselves against rape?
I sure don't know any, unless they have already been raped. Even if one man is a lot smaller than the others, I bet when he steps on a man-filled elevator he is not thinking he may get raped in there.

Grown men are not told that if they need directions, they should ask a woman. They aren't told not to wear tight jeans. They aren't told to look in the backseat of their cars, or to have an unlisted number if they live alone, or to call a friend before they go out to the store so their friend can make sure they got back OK.


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

it remiknds me of a news story I read once. Where this neighborhood had fliers posted everywhere warning women to be extra careful cause there was a rapist around. And women started posting fliers everywhere that said something like "Rapists Beware-there are women in this neighborhood who will cut your dick off."


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

T
A friend of mine was raped by a guy we knew, and I had this idea to print up flyers that said "RAPIST" and had his picture, address and phone. She didn't want to do it though.







I really wanted to, but I figured it was up to her and not me.


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Yeah, Greaseball, if it was me, I'd be torn between wanting to do that, and being terrified that he'd come back and "punish" me for it


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## kaydee (Aug 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mothra*
But it makes me angry that we have to take measures to protect ourselves against rapists. It makes me angry that I have to spend my money on mace and my time on self-defense classes and thinking about how to avoid dangerous situations because someone else is a criminal.

It should make you angry. It's just wrong.

As a survivor myself, it's important to me to fight misogyny on a political, cultural, and institutional level.

But I will also do what I can to protect myself, and to try not to be hurt again if someone tries to assault me. As I said before, only rapists can prevent rape (by not raping). But I also want to arm myself with as much knowledge and skill as possible to protect myself if I find myself threatened--whether that means I choose to speak up, to fight back physically, or submit.

Quote:

All of the self-defense in the world will not stop most rapists.
Not sure I totally agree with this. And there is a small body of evidence that suggests that in *some* situations, resistance works.

I am a survivor of sexual assault, the graduate of three intensive feminist self-defense courses, and wrote my masters thesis on feminist self-defense. A significant percentage of women taking these courses are sexual assault and/or domestic violence survivors, and for them, the course was part of their healing. While there are no hard statistics about women using SD to fight back in assaults, there is a fair amount of anecdotal evidence that a range of techniques--from yelling to tricking to physically resisting--have helped.

This is NOT to say that if a woman is assaulted it is in ANY way her fault (and there are many situations in which not resisting is the safest option). The blame lies SOLELY with the perpetrator. As I mentioned before though, I personally choose to give myself as much of a chance as possible to protect myself (though I hope I never again need to).


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## kaydee (Aug 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama ganoush*
it remiknds me of a news story I read once. Where this neighborhood had fliers posted everywhere warning women to be extra careful cause there was a rapist around. And women started posting fliers everywhere that said something like "Rapists Beware-there are women in this neighborhood who will cut your dick off."

That was here in Sacramento (although it has probably happened in other places as well). I remember how the police got kinda worried about "vigilantes" Um, how about worrying about *rapists*?!


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## alaskan mom (Aug 19, 2004)

Mothra, I'm sorry about what happened to you.

I do however feel there are things we can do to help.

My sister was raped when she was 12. The guy knocked on our door and was let in by my mentally challenged brother. The guy held a knife to my throught( I was only 3) and said he would kill me if my sister didn't do what he asked. My sister told him she would do anything at that point. My other brother was 6yrs. at the time, and went into the kitchen and got a knife, he thought he could help. (He wanted to kill this guy) And for the rest of his life he remembered the face of this black man, when he was 18 the cops came to our house and he picked the guy out of photo albums. 100's of pictures he looked through , until he stopped on the picture of this rapist. His mind never forgot, and it has affected him, he once got into a fight at school and beat up a black man severly, he said that the guy reminded him of the rape. Now don't be getting all this man is a racist and a horrible person. He has grown a lot since 18 and learned to control this anger, and even today he counts some of his good friends as black.

The point is rape effects a lot of people, and there has to be some way to make things better. Longer jail sentances, maybe?


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

alaskanmom, not wanting to derail this thread, but was it necessary to post that this particular rapist was black?


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

The point is rape effects a lot of people, and there has to be some way to make things better. Longer jail sentances, maybe?
I don't think longer jail time is a deterrent. Most people are not expecting they will go to jail.

I think that after the fact, people need to stop humiliating victims who report rape. Most of them say the hospital exam was like being raped all over again, and it's often performed in the presence of a male police officer. Would it be too much trouble to wait until a female was available, and send her?! Not that that's any guarantee; some female officers are not at all compassionate. If victims were not humiliated, more of them would report.

I think some self-defense can be useful, like stuff that teaches you things about rapists that you may not know. For example, that they are most likely not going to shoot you in a public place, so if someone does have a gun to your head it's still a good idea to run away.


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## the sunshine (Jul 31, 2003)

Quote:

Most people are not expecting they will go to jail.
Most rapists *don't* go to jail. It's a free crime.


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the sunshine*
Most rapists *don't* go to jail. It's a free crime.

Yup.

See? We're right back where we started. Women get raped because our society tolerates rape.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Barging in....

Quote:

"Rapists Beware-there are women in this neighborhood who will cut your dick off."
Gosh, i just love that.









Interesting (and sickening) that the police then became worried about "vigilantes"


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## alaskan mom (Aug 19, 2004)

Mama Ganoush,

Sorry, the rapist was black, thats a fact of this crime, that I described. I'm not going to cover the truth in any way. Sorry if this offends you. I know that all races rape, but in this case it was a black man. Telling the facts and not trying to be politically correct is a step in the right direction, whatever race was the criminal.

Greeseball, Thank you for your comments. :] Too often our society humiliates the victim, this is just plain wrong.


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## whatever (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alaskan mom*
Mama Ganoush,

Sorry, the rapist was black, thats a fact of this crime, that I described. I'm not going to cover the truth in any way. Sorry if this offends you. I know that all races rape, but in this case it was a black man. Telling the facts and not trying to be politically correct is a step in the right direction, whatever race was the criminal.


Sorry, what would the right direction be in this instance?


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## TingTing (Jan 12, 2004)

Quote:

Mama Ganoush,

Sorry, the rapist was black, thats a fact of this crime, that I described. I'm not going to cover the truth in any way. Sorry if this offends you. I know that all races rape, but in this case it was a black man. Telling the facts and not trying to be politically correct is a step in the right direction, whatever race was the criminal.
Er, no offense, but I think we can be pretty certain that if the man had been white, you wouldn't have specified his color at all. So why is it relevant?


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

No other races were specified...I assume no one else was black? Why did we not get to hear what race they were?


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alaskan mom*
Mama Ganoush,

Sorry, the rapist was black, thats a fact of this crime, that I described. I'm not going to cover the truth in any way. Sorry if this offends you. I know that all races rape, but in this case it was a black man. Telling the facts and not trying to be politically correct is a step in the right direction, whatever race was the criminal.


How tall was he? What was he wearing? Did he have an accent of any kind? why is the fact that he was black relevant, but nothing else?


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

VERY good question....

What do I (as a survivor of sexual assault) think can be done? I believe that there are endless suggestions....will any of them work?? I don't know.

I agree with Mothra that women (as much as it sucks--And God knows it does!) NEED to know some ways to protect themselves. I do not feel as if this is blaming the victim so much as it is trying to prevent more women from becoming victims (just as I do not think that teaching my ds road safety implies that when a child is struck by a car it is his/her fault. You'll always have bad drivers, DWIs, people not paying attention, etc). Some suggestions are obviously much more viable and fair than others. For example I would never tell my hypothetical daughter not to wear_________(fill in the blank with short skirts, tight pants, tank tops, etc) because she may get raped.....I know that rape is VERY rarely about sexual attraction/gratification. For another example, I think that "Go to a party with someone you trust/watch your drinks" is good one because it focuses more on a watch-your-back approach, as well as a women-stick-together idea.

HOWEVER--completely agree with Greaseball (as I often do!) that women would never have to worry about any of this if there were not rapists (My bumper sticker said "Men Can Stop Rape"&#8230;.this is, before some idiot took a permanent marker and changed it to Women&#8230. So what do we do about this?? This is obviously a more deep-rooted problem, as we are talking about criminals.

We need to get rid of (as someone said) the "Boys will be boys" BS--IMO the only thing a boy should get away with that a girl can't is Peeing Standing Up. This starts very young.

We need to teach them what being a *man* really is (that includes leading by example--if you are with a man that beats you/talks down to you--what message are you giving to your sons AND daughters?? Yes, this doubly includes men. Dads need to show respect for women).

We need to stop glorifying power and the sense of entitlement found in many sports teams, clubs and fraternities.

We need to stop acting like the woman should be ashamed and flip that around-ostracize the criminal-the one who is at fault and did something wrong.

We need to make rape a REAL crime, not just something that looks serious only in the books (yes, this includes jail time, no plea bargains, more detective work put into it, etc).

Of course no one suggestion will EVER be a cure all.

I have one ds,age 5. I teach him to respect people (yes--women are people too!). I teach him empathy. I teach him that when he is doing something that makes someone else uncomfortable, (be it tickling, discussing their acne, etc) he is to stop. I teach him morals. I do not glorify or place value on winning/power/dominance. I reward kindness. He has positive male figures to take example from (it doesn't have to be a father-it can be a grandfather, uncle, friend of the family, etc). I teach him not to associate himself with people with few morals/no respect (I explain to him that we do not visit Uncle So-and-so because he doesn't treat people nicely). I basically raise him the way I think he should be raised, to grow up to become the wonderful man that he deserves to be. One day when he is older I will tell him what happened to me-I think it is important to wash away the stigma.

I'd like to add: Personally, I know that my sexual assault would not have been prevented by any of these "woman things"&#8230;. (I was wearing jeans and a big sweater and it was a person that I trusted, close to my home, etc). Hindsight is 20/20 and I now realize that this scumbag asshole (I will not watch my language when it comes to this "person"-besides, I would hope that not many youngsters are reading this!) has NO respect for women, has severe control issues and feels that because he was a hot-shot basketball player that the world (and my body) was his. With this case, I "blame" it on his parents&#8230;.a dad that didn't care about him-lived 2 hours away, and a mother who worked way too much (IMO-this was way beyond "getting by") and didn't take the time to raise her sons. I also blame the school we were in for letting him basically run the joint (skipping class, stealing, vandalism, cheating-all without consequences) because he was the b-ball captain. That's where I think it started&#8230;(of course I acknowledge that as a human being one should know what constitutes appropriate behavior and what constitutes being just evil and wrong).

**Please note that I am not blaming single mothers...I am one. I know how hard it is, but I also know how important it is to RAISE my son, not just feed him, clothe him and watch him grow up!

Okay, well, I think that I've mentally exhausted myself enough for tonight. I have a test tomorrow. 2 actually. I'll be checking back here though-I am truly interested in what you all have to say, as you can imagine I am very opinionated and passionate about this cause.

Best Wishes to All,
Kelly


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## sadie_sabot (Dec 17, 2002)

lots of stuff here I agree with. I think it is absolutely crucial that we make the shift to understanding that only rapists can stop rape. and that since most rapists are men, rape is a men's issue.

And de-stigmatize rape. It is sickening that people who have been raped are still shamed in our society (and killed for it in other societies).


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## alaskan mom (Aug 19, 2004)

I mentioned that the man was black, because he was, and I was trying to explain the effect it had on my family , exspecially my brother. He didn't like black men for a lot of years, and practically disowned me when I went to school in Jamaica. I was a key figure in helping him to understand that it was not a race that had raped his sister, it was a person.
Sorry if I didn't make myself clear.


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