# Where are you on the GD Spectrum?



## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

Seems like we have a wide range here, just curious how you define yourself. It's totally anonymous (unless of course you post after you answer the poll)


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## EvansMomma (Mar 7, 2006)

_We use logical consequences or rewards sometimes
_

That's what I chose.
Only because that's where we are right NOW, but we're gradually hoping to move slightly more down the spectrum towards consensual living. We will probably never be fully CL, but I'd like to definitely move a bit more towards it.

Our son is 2, and a bit, erm, intense? For lack of a better word. There are just a lot of times right now where we need structure and routine and we've got a few things that we really need him to stop doing - ie: hitting me, throwing his toys AT the windows, etc. So we're maybe a bit stricter, in the gentlest way possible, than a lot on here.

We're a work in progress.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

We are exactly where Evansmomma is. Only my kidsa re 3 years and 4 months. Plus I watch another 3 year old, so between the two three year olds, we tend to need to have some sort of 'rules' regarding hitting, shoving, pulling hair and toy snatching...







Oh, and one about letting the baby sleep in peace.







: We are also constantly moving toward a more consensual lifestyle...I just can't see it a lot of the time with so many little ones.


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

I don't find anything on this list that accurately describes our family. We are not
"consensual". I don't particularly believe in that approach or aspire to practice it. We also don't use punishment or rewards or consequences. We practice gentle discipline based on kindness and respect. I believe in having a structure and routine and in working together to take care of each other and to solve problems.


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## GradysMom (Jan 7, 2007)

I said logical consequences and rewards sometimes... but I also see how we re benevolent dictators too.

I believe we are the Parents, and at times we pull out seemingly dictatorial statements... like you just can't play with knives... you don't understand, get away from the broken glass now.... my job is to keep you safe even if you are mad at me... etc


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

We are the second one -- mostly consensual with a couple of routines -- though we don't have a bedtime or food rules (like the example).

Personally, I think it is nearly impossible to be entirely consensual with very little ones -- but we strive for it. I just don't beat myself up anymore if a happy consensus can't be reached in every single circumstance. I think it is a culmination of many, many circumstances that make the most impact -- and if we are consensual 9 times out of 10, I am happy with that!


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## InochiZo (Aug 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Roar* 
I don't find anything on this list that accurately describes our family. We are not
"consensual". I don't particularly believe in that approach or aspire to practice it. We also don't use punishment or rewards or consequences. We practice gentle discipline based on kindness and respect. I believe in having a structure and routine and in working together to take care of each other and to solve problems.









:
Yeah That or attempting everyday to reach that!


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I voted for me: Logical consequences for a few behaviors. That's the closest I could get. I'm not consensual, and I don't do mainstream punishments. But I don't mind, say, refusing to let ds on a bike if he won't wear his helmet. Or taking away the bike if it's being used to bump into people who don't want to be bumped into (after talking, offering alternatives, etc).
I parent much better when I am ok with a "parent in charge" attitude. That means that I respect ds's opinions and desires a lot. But it also means that sometimes I insist on some things, or refuse others. That happens a lot more than me issuing a related consequence.

My dp would be more the second one- consensual with a few routines (teeth brushing and bedtime are the only ones though). He doesn't get the "parent in charge" philosophy. lol


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## bscal (Feb 13, 2006)

I voted other... I think we're sometimes benevolent dictators and sometimes we use logical consequences/rewards. We're still striving to learn more about GD and not use punitive Time Outs. We take it one day at a time. We used to spank







but that was ineffective and horrible (I hated doing it but felt it was my only option for dealing with behavior issues). So right now we're just working on logical consequences as much as possible. And, of course, lots of redirection for my younger 2 kids.

Beth


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## mackysmama (Jan 11, 2005)

I voted mostly consensual with some routines but we're actually more like what Roar describes. Every now and then there will be a consequence, like "you hit, you sit" but usually there are other ways.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Roar* 
I don't find anything on this list that accurately describes our family. We are not
"consensual". I don't particularly believe in that approach or aspire to practice it. We also don't use punishment or rewards or consequences. We practice gentle discipline based on kindness and respect. I believe in having a structure and routine and in working together to take care of each other and to solve problems.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I voted consensual, because this is what I am aiming for -- just as I consider myself Christian even though I have lots of growing to do. Dh is moving toward gentle discipline, but isn't consensual at this time.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deva33mommy* 
I voted for me: Logical consequences for a few behaviors. That's the closest I could get. I'm not consensual, and I don't do mainstream punishments. But I don't mind, say, refusing to let ds on a bike if he won't wear his helmet. Or taking away the bike if it's being used to bump into people who don't want to be bumped into (after talking, offering alternatives, etc).
I parent much better when I am ok with a "parent in charge" attitude. That means that I respect ds's opinions and desires a lot. But it also means that sometimes I insist on some things, or refuse others. That happens a lot more than me issuing a related consequence.









:

I "tried out" consentual living and found that it left me feeling profoundly uncomfortable - partly because I didn't do it well, but I think I didn't do it well because I don't think a preschooler is capable of consentual living. So, that's not an ideal I strive to.

I do strive for no punishments, but I've determined that using a few logical consequence (i.e. something other people here would call a punishment) such as putting a toy in time out or even a child in time out is sometimes a true sanity saver for the whole family. As my kids get older, this happens less and less.

My dh, who is naturally more GD than I am (he's never ever struck out at the kids in anger, I have), is probably more: "We use logical consequences or rewards sometimes." We had a nice debate about Alfie Kohn not too long ago!


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

Thanks everyone for your input. I'm really just trying to see what's comfortable for me and my family as the kids grow / etc. Dh tends to lean more "you will listen to me" and I tend to try not to make battles, but I'm not sure what feels comfortable even for me. I don't want to negotiate every little thing... but I don't want power struggles either (and one of mine is the champ of power struggles). Anyway I appreciate all the food for thought


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## nathansmum (Nov 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Roar* 
I don't find anything on this list that accurately describes our family. We are not
"consensual". I don't particularly believe in that approach or aspire to practice it. We also don't use punishment or rewards or consequences. We practice gentle discipline based on kindness and respect. I believe in having a structure and routine and in working together to take care of each other and to solve problems.


This is us too! Although I did vote in the 2nd choice since it was worded the closest to what we do.


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## pajamajes (Feb 1, 2008)

I picked the "I use consequences/rewards on a regular basis" one. I try to make the consequences and rewards as logical as possible.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

I chose the first option, because we do seek to live consensually, but it doesn't mean "if everyone doesn't want to, we don't" in our home. Off the cuff, I would say that each individual is responsibility for his or her own needs, and no one else in the family can dictate them. Needs carry equal weight in the discussions, and I try to be free of outside expectations for myself or anyone else in our household. Our methods are fundamentally non-coercive.


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

Somewhere btw. the first and second, I guess.

I'm confused as to why routines would not be consensual? We have routines....when we want to do them. Sometimes we ditch them b/c that's the consensus.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

I think routines can be consensual. I have all sorts of routines.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

Okay, no kids yet, so I only voted because it wouldn't let me see the poll if I didn't (that's new to me), but I picked mostly consentual, which is what I'm planning. I don't want to have to force my kids to do anything, and for the most part I'm a flexible, patient person, so I can see it going well, but I'm worried about emergency situations and absolute necessities. I guess in those cases it'd be hard to live 100% consentually. I guess it's how you look at it though. I mean, I'm an adult, so by law I get to do what I want, but within reason. I have been hospitalized against my will, with threat of a court order (which they could have gotten easily, and I'd have probably been there longer, so I didn't push it to that), but it was a life threatening situation. Short of matters of life and law, I can pretty much make up my own mind about things, and sometimes there are consequences. These consequences aren't made up to teach me a lesson, they simply ARE. If I don't feel like going grocery shopping, I don't have any food. If I don't want to do laundry, fine, but I have no clean clothes. I'd prefer these to be the type of consequences my children experience from most things, because that's how the real world works.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey's mom* 
Somewhere btw. the first and second, I guess.

I'm confused as to why routines would not be consensual? We have routines....when we want to do them. Sometimes we ditch them b/c that's the consensus.










I think what I was getting at with that one was the differenct between people who are basically consential, but, for examaple they have rules / routines about certain things such as "I prepare food, but I won't prepare 5 meals so if you don't like it you can have (choice between 3 options) but I'm not going to make you spagettie & meatballs because that's what you ordered tonight" or "we are basically consential, but we do a bedtime routine at 8:00 (don't wait for the children to ask to go to bed). Bedtime might not be forced, but it would be encouraged / expected. Or even people who are basically consentual, but they for example work and *need* to be out of the house by 8 so they can't be agreeable to a toddler refusing to sit in the carseat until he is ready.

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. I know we have a lot of active posters on this board and I kind of wanted to get a more of an "across board" view of people who might not speak up so much, but would answer a poll.


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## pia (Jul 28, 2003)

I voted consensual.







:


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## honeysesame (Dec 10, 2005)

i picked "the famous other" for: all over the map/completely inconsistent









i think we do every one of those at various times.... not proud of it but there you go. mostly we don't have specific punishments-- occasionally when we're really angry and nothing's working one of us will tell ds to go to his room (dh will enforce, i don't so much) but mostly to make a point and he usually bounces right out and we talk about it.... more standard for a big disagreement is for either the kid or parent to have a tantrum







(well, yelling, anyhow) and then we make up and talk about it. got some fiery tempers in this family. but all that said (i wrote "sad" accidentally! it is sometimes....) we are actually all pretty gentle and sweet and respectful of each other *most* of the time and while i wouldn't say we are consensual, we are considerate....? ds helps decide many things and weighs in on lots but in the end the adults are in charge-- i also think i parent better that way, when i'm considerate and kind and give explanations about it. just need more conscious parenting moments. i think when i try to read or talk something about it every day it helps.....









ETA: when we are conscious in our "discipline" we will probably lean more toward either logical consequences or just communicating our feelings. much upset in our house comes from ds just getting frustrated about not getting something he wants or something going not how he planned (rather than doing something "wrong") so sometimes we just let the feelings exist or talk about them. i want to move more toward empathic listening and granting wishes in fantasy. i'm often quick to try to "fix".


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

We are benevolent dictators, we enforce our household rules / routines gently but firmly


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## Thalia the Muse (Jun 22, 2006)

We're somewhere between "logical consequences sometimes" and "benevolent dictator" -- we have reasonable house rules that help us all live together comfortably, and the kid is expected to follow them. We are not consensual, because the parents are the final arbiters of things like bedtime, whether you are going to school today, how pets may and may not be handled (NO GUINEA PIGS IN THE BATHTUB), whether a bike helmet is worn, and who sets the table for dinner.

We don't do direct rewards, but the reward for being responsible and trustworthy is that you get more trust and more latitude. She can get up before us on the weekend and do art projects, because we know we can trust her not to use the scissors on the cat's fur or the upholstery, that kind of thing. If I can trust you to close the refrigerator door and put food away when you're done, you get to make your own snacks instead of waiting until I feel like getting up to serve you (which might be a while). If I can trust you to pace yourself, I'm not going to make up a homework schedule and enforce it on you -- but if you blow it off this week's until it's piled up and you can't finish without tears and staying up late, next week I'm going to tell you when and how much of it to do.

We don't have apply consequences too often, but I think that's mostly just because we have one, pretty easygoing kid.


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## Daffodil (Aug 30, 2003)

I picked "mostly consensual, but have some routines." I don't actually aim to be consensual, and I'm comfortable telling the kids that they're going to have a bath or that they can't do X, or making plans to drive us all around on various errands without consulting them. But I'm always willing to listen to suggestions and complaints, and if someone absolutely doesn't want to have a bath, or really wants to stop somewhere I hadn't planned on, I'm often willing to go along with what they want. We don't do rewards or consequences.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thalia the Muse* 
We're somewhere between "logical consequences sometimes" and "benevolent dictator" -- we have reasonable house rules that help us all live together comfortably, and the kid is expected to follow them. We are not consensual, because the parents are the final arbiters of things like bedtime, whether you are going to school today, how pets may and may not be handled (NO GUINEA PIGS IN THE BATHTUB), whether a bike helmet is worn, and who sets the table for dinner.

We don't do direct rewards, but the reward for being responsible and trustworthy is that you get more trust and more latitude. She can get up before us on the weekend and do art projects, because we know we can trust her not to use the scissors on the cat's fur or the upholstery, that kind of thing. If I can trust you to close the refrigerator door and put food away when you're done, you get to make your own snacks instead of waiting until I feel like getting up to serve you (which might be a while). If I can trust you to pace yourself, I'm not going to make up a homework schedule and enforce it on you -- but if you blow it off this week's until it's piled up and you can't finish without tears and staying up late, next week I'm going to tell you when and how much of it to do.

We don't have apply consequences too often, but I think that's mostly just because we have one, pretty easygoing kid.

This is very much how we are right now.

I picked benevolent dictator because we do enforce our rules gently. However, we do not have crazy rules or anything. We try to hold ourselves to the same rules and standards that we expect of them because that shows respect. For instance, I would never have my children make their bed everyday if I was not willing to as well. kwim

In the ideal situation, we try to be as consensual as possible, but I just do not feel that is possible with little ones right now. I see it more as a possibility as they grow older. I can tell that already with my DSD who is almost 10yo. We can reason and negotiate things that work for all of us, but it has been a process to get there.


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

I voted for the second option, mostly consensual. Most of that comes from having an extraordinarily active 2.5yo and a high-needs 10.5mo, and I expect that as the kids get older it'll get easier. We don't have bedtimes or food rules. Ds1 eats a balanced diet although he generally chooses what he wants to eat; and I don't really see how you can force someone to go to sleep when they're not tired, so we all go to sleep when we feel the need to (although I'll suggest cuddling in bed if ds1 seems tired, but it's completely up to him). We generally don't force him to get in his carseat, but there are times when we absolutely *have* to be somewhere. And sometimes he doesn't want to leave the park yet, but everyone else is cold and hungry, and in that case we'll leave. But on the whole, we're pretty much a CL family.

For the record, consensual living isn't about letting your kids run wild, walk all over you, abuse pets, or run around with knives. It's not permissive. It's about establishing a way of living that addresses everyone's needs equally, regardless of age, and finding creative ways to meet those needs. It's not even really a discipline style; it's just a way of life, and it will look different in every family because every family's needs are different.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I think I'm another "in between" type. We use natural and logical consequences for some things, and we are benevolet dictators at other times. We definitely aren't at the consensual living part of the spectrum. We are blessed with generally cooperative kids, so we don't have to get too "discipline heavy" very often. But, last night when 8 YO DS didn't want to get dressed for little sisters preschool graduation, we did insist that he do so. No real reward or consequence, but definitely "You need to do this, it needs to be done within the next five minutes and "no" is not an option". He had a small temper tantrum (in his room with the door closed), then came out with appropriate cloths on. Honestly, I'm not sure what we would have done if he hadn't come around, because he always does. We used time outs when he was younger, but only for hitting/hurting people or pets. DD never went through a hitting stage, so she's never had a formal time out. We do insist that both kids take their mean/screaming/temper fits to their rooms and will carry them there if necessary. But again, that's a rare occurrance. We definitely set bedtimes, meal routines, and help-around-the-house expectations, and we have delayed going somewhere fun because cleaning wasn't done. I think our biggest techniques are high expectations, rational explained rules/reasons, listening/responding to their (calmly expressed) opinions, and the rare natural/logical consequence. That and generally providing a pretty cushy live that they enjoy participating in.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I'm not convinced the distinctions are "real" for me.

I don't really think i punish, but i know many of you would say i do. If DD is drawing on the wall i give her paper, if she is still drawing on the wall i remind her of the paper and get down and draw with her. If she is STILL drawing on the wall i take the crayons away. Crayons are not a right, and NO ONE, of any age, is allowed to draw on the walls in this (rented) house, so i don't feel i'm imposing punishment. It might prevent her doing it next time (it hasn't yet) but i'm more interested in stopping it THIS time. I know when she's 4 or 5 i'll be able to explain why i don't want her to draw on the walls and perhaps then, when i believe she's actually disobeying me, i'll punish, though i've no idea how!

She's only 2 so she still concretely NEEDS me to lead so she can follow. Today she was getting all antsy and moany at a graduation ceremony we were at, but she didn't ask for anything. Eventually i picked her up and asked if she wanted to go back in the mei-tai (interpreted btw as a "time-out" by some of the others in the group) and she said "oh-kay" because that WAS what she needed (she's VERY happy to say "no"!). She can make choices but she can't yet communicate needs consistently. It was NOT a time-out for me to put her back on my back - she needed some security as she'd met a lot of new people.

I have routines which she has no say in just like i have housework i have no say in. I don't believe she will regulate her sleep in such a way that we will be ok (i've tried it, she stays up too late, naps too late and within about 4 days is essentially nocturnal, which is fine for her, but not for me and since the household grinds to a messy halt without me and our life doesn't work if we're nocturnal) so i plan the activities of her day so she gets plenty food and exercise around a routine that means she's ready for a nap after lunch and ready for bed about 8.

My premise for parenting/life is that responsibilities = rights, so every decision she is responsible for she has the rights over. Obviously at 2 her rights are limited, but that will change over time.

I'm happy to be the dictator of a happy population in a peaceful country.


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## aschmied (Apr 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mackysmama* 
I voted mostly consensual with some routines but we're actually more like what Roar describes. Every now and then there will be a consequence, like "you hit, you sit" but usually there are other ways.

That's us, too. I voted the second, but seein Roar's response made me think - that's more where we are. I mean, if a toy is being used violently, it goes, no matter WHAT DD thinks about it...


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

We are constantly striving to be more and more consensual.

We have routines, but they're not forced upon our children (or upon the adults, for that matter.) I don't want to have anything called "rules" because that sounds like imposing my decisions upon others. I'd rather have agreements among all the family members about how we want to live together. Obviously our kids will be able to participate in making agreements more as they get older.


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wallacesmum* 
I chose the first option, because we do seek to live consensually, but it doesn't mean "if everyone doesn't want to, we don't" in our home. Off the cuff, I would say that each individual is responsibility for his or her own needs, and no one else in the family can dictate them. Needs carry equal weight in the discussions, and I try to be free of outside expectations for myself or anyone else in our household. Our methods are fundamentally non-coercive.









: I had a hard time picking an option, because I didn't feel like any really fit - but I didn't want to default to Other! I went with the one that philosophically resonated with me the most.

We work to find solutions for conflicts, to honor emotions, to respect autonomy, to live together in harmony and joy. Each individual is their own person, and no one's needs/desires automatically trump anyone else's.

The reason I hesitated to choose the first one is because with four children under 6, well, a lot happens that isn't what I'd consider consensual. Diapers get changed, noses get wiped, babies get slung on backs... all with sensitivity and responsiveness to their needs, but I'm not exactly bringing them into the decision making process there. There are times when someone is just simply convinced to settle for what they don't want. We aren't coercive, but hopefully as we go along we'll become more about consensus and less about compromise during those tricky times.

But in many ways we are consensual, and I find that with my 2 Dds (ages 5 and almost 4) it is significantly easier than with my preverbal toddler. And I find that it becomes much easier with practice as well!


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

I have clicked on this link several times...I just don't fit anywhere.

I like to think of our family as cooperative but taking into account the experience, skills and abilities we each have. We have rules and boundaries and they apply to all of us. None of us gets hit, none of gets called names, none of us are treated disrespectfully, we don't swear, none of us ride bikes without helmets, we all wear seatbelts/carseats in the car etc.

We model the behaviour we want to see, we show them how to do things, we take away privileges if they are abused but otherwise we don't do punishments. We talk talk talk all the time and we hug hug hug even more.

We don't insist on please and thank you or force apologies but we see them all the time. My children are among the most polite I have ever met.

I have read all sorts of books, got a picture in my mind of how I wanted my family to work and gently work towards that. I am very understanding of my children's feelings, particularly when they are tired and hungry and over stimulated and I expect them to be sensitive to mine as well.

I don't think we can be labelled. I guess we are mostly consensual.

This was a tough question for me..which is good I guess...have to use the brain occasionally


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## kacymoose (May 18, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
I voted consensual, because this is what I am aiming for -- just as I consider myself Christian even though I have lots of growing to do. Dh is moving toward gentle discipline, but isn't consensual at this time.

Love that perspective. CL is my ideal, but don't always live up to it.


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## anne+arun (Feb 13, 2007)

similar to wallacesmum i chose the first option but its not the wording i would normally use.

We aim to find win win solutions, ones that can work for all of us which includes myself, my dp, dd (6yrs), ds (2yrs). It may not be exactly what each of us had in mind to begin with, but its something that we all ideally would feel pretty good about.

Basically I try to respect our children's opinions and autonomy as I would that of my dp.

sometimes it involves a lot of discussion... even a lot of negotiating and creative problem solving but it feels right.

We also have a routine of sorts, more a rhythm to our days and weeks... but no rules about them.


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## mama*pisces (Feb 17, 2008)

I answered #3, using logical consequences for a few defined behaviors. But honestly, I'm not really sure what category we fall into....I would guess somewhere in between 3 and 4....I strive to integrate myself with GD as much as possible, and DH is pretty much mainstream, "a little swat on the butt won't hurt 'em and it'll show him who's boss".







Yeah, life is very difficult around here sometimes! I think time-outs are a good compromise for us, but they are never secluded stuck-in-his-room time-outs. I sit him on one of the first steps on the staircase and sit right next to him, and talk to him about why such and such behavior is not desirable(although I think this could be considered a time-in...?).

Today though, I lost my cool when ds picked up a small ceramic plate that I had within reach(oops!), I asked him to give it to me and he said: "No!" and threw it. Thankfully it didn't break, but ohhh, I was mad(we had also had a rough day leading up to that point though). I marched him over to the steps and sat him down, and said "you are in time out for one minute" I knelt in front of him and held him gently in place as he tried to wriggle away, and he just sat there and laughed. I counted to 60 and let him go. I walked away from it feeling like it was not effective at all. Next time I will try sitting down next to him and giving myself some 'cool off time' too.









Anyway, I think that 'logical consequences' is what fits us best at the moment, though I strive to be more on the consensual side. We are defintely a work in progress as well!


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## springmama (Aug 30, 2006)

I didn't really see anything on the poll that exactly describes my family. We are still learning a lot about GD. And I guess we are kind of a little bit of each. If I had to pick one I guess it would be benevolent dictator. Compared to the way I was raised we are GD'ing. I still have a lot to learn as a parent about GD


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I'm in the benevolent dictator category, I think. We are a fairly structured household, compared to many here. But I don't really resort to "rewards" or consequences all that often. I find I don't need them, if we keep everybody's needs met before a crisis arises, and if we maintain consistent rhythm and routine to the day and consistent expectations in social situations. But I don't hesitate to enforce reasonable rules when I feel they're necessary, and I don't always stop for discussion first. Sometimes I say, "because that's what I need you to do," and I feel I have that right and responsibility as the leading adult. In that sense we're definitely not consensual. But mine is a family where everybody's needs and opinions are given respect, so I wouldn't call us authoritarian either.

I used to be a heck of a lot more "consensual living" in my outlook when I had only one child, but with the twins to care for and no help all day I found I had to implement some structure into our life. I think everybody's needs actually get met BETTER since we did that.


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## RAED (Jun 9, 2004)

It was great to see how different people are doing things. Thanks for putting this out there. We have some routines because we have to get places sometimes but on Monday morning if my ds is in tears because he is tired, we slow down and everyone is "late" to school. I figure in the great scheme of things, his being a half hour to an hour late is not going to make the world fall apart as he is only 5.5 yrs. old (school is mandatory here at 5 yrs and is 6 hrs a day!). Also he can't generally see that he needs to go to bed when he NEEDS to go to bed, so we start the bedtime routine but if he is having difficulty settling, we lay down with him and read a few more "one last story" until he is really sleepy and says he is ready to sleep.


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