# Toddler won't leave the House!



## OTMomma (Aug 12, 2003)

My toddler is making me nuts! We just moved about a month ago, and dd is really having a hard time adjusting. I am trying very hard to be supportive of her and understanding that this is all confusing for her, but I'm about to go







! She absoulutily won't leave the house with me! Well, not without a kicking, screaming tantrum- which makes me feel like it is not worth it. I am a SAHM, so here we sit in our little apartment all day. She won't even go with me to check the mail or play at the playground here. I offer to take her to the park, the library, the zoo, the mall (all places she likes) BUT the first thing she says to dh when he gets home is "Daddy I missed you! I"m ready to go bye bye now!" She will go places with dh or with all 3 of us together. Just not me. Before this move she was a child that never wanted to stay home, she wanted to go out all the time. She would get her coat and run to the door and tell me "Go Bye, Bye" when she was 11 months!
Please, some one give me some ideas. Or at least tell me you've been there and I won't loose my mind! As is, right after dinner I leave dd with dh and go grocery shopping constantly just so I can breath new air!
Thanks for listening to me.


----------



## chrysgee (May 16, 2003)

this sounds so familiar! my dd is in the process of eliminating napping, which is stressful enough on me. we used to get out of the house all morning and do fun stuff for her to get her tired, then come home and nap all afternoon.

now she refuses to get dressed in the morning and won't leave the house until, maybe after lunch. i think she's just too tired to want to go to the playground or something. yesterday i had to bribe her with ice cream in order to get to the grocery store. We missed our morning playdate with our friends. I was so bummed. I hope some of her friends stop napping soon so we can get together in the afternoon. (We also had to give up our evening playgroup because bedtime is now 6:30.)

of course dad is home today and they got out of the house at 8:45 this morning. I really miss being arround adults, but i guess I'm just going to have to figure out this new routine and make it work for me.

So I don't have any suggestions for you, but I feel for you...

Chrys


----------



## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

Well, easy for me to say since I am not in your shoes (DS 20 mos. still loves to go places) but I personally would not cater to it. It is utterly ridiculous for you to be a prisoner in your own home day after day, esp. since your daughter has shown that she WILL go out with dad. It's not like she is phobic of the car itself.

Since it sounds like this has been going on awhile, it is going to take awhile to fix. Start with short car rides to the ATM or drive-thru bank. Maybe a quick stop someplace she likes. A no-nonsense attitude on your part, combined with some enthusiasm for the fun stuff, may help. Talk to her about what you are doing and why, but I wouldn't go overboard with the verbage. She has too much control over the situation already. You can gradually get her used to getting out with you again. You are going to have to have a greater determination than she does (and that's the hard part). Eventually she will realize that it is going to happen, it is happening, and it is not that bad! Expect an increase in the behavior before it changes for the better...she will try harder to keep the status quo for awhile when she sees that you are changing it.

Heavens, how do you get anything done? What about dr.'s appts or important errands? Not to mention the zoo, the park, etc.

I think this is one of those situations where you just have to be the BOSS even though you may not want to hurt her feelings or go against what she wants. I don't think the current situation is healthy for either of you, though. It is worth trying to fix IMO. I don't think being AP means giving in to this and being stuck in a bad situation.


----------



## Pookietooth (Jul 1, 2002)

Just wanted to chime in to say that my ds is also reluctant to go out, although not as extreme. We also just moved, and it been very hard since then. He doesn't want to walk himself, demanding to be carried, even inside our new apartment. He puts off getting dressed all kinds of ways, and we often spend a lot of time just looking at the things in the kitchen cabinets. I hope things improve with time!


----------



## OTMomma (Aug 12, 2003)

Thanks for the responses. Pookietooth, it sounds like you are dealing with those difficult moving stresses too. I think its just really hard on little ones to understand the concept of moving. I sort of think dd is just sick of seeing something new everytime we leave the house and feeling so disoriented. She seemed fine the first 2 weeks we were here, but the last 2 weeks, she's had this fear of leaving the house. She also keeps telling me "I miss my old house"
Now that I think of it, she has changed her nap schedule too. So maybe that has a lot to do with it too. Since our move she gets up a lot earlier and naps a lot earlier, which is strange for her.
Well, thanks for the sympathy. If anyone has any ideas how to help a toddler cope with moving please let me know!


----------



## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

What about doing some decorating in her room, if you haven't already? There are some inexpensive things like Wallies, which are cutouts of various shapes, animals, etc. that stick like wallpaper, borders, new curtains, pictures, etc.? That might get her more excited about her new home.

I would still try to get her out. I think the behavior/fear will only become stronger without some gentle prodding to teach her that it will be okay if she leaves with you. I think that staying home with her all day and letting her go out with Dad (if that is what is happening) is going to reinforce it in her mind that she is correct in her assumption that there is something unsafe about leaving the new home with you.

This reminds me a little of my older sister, who had a severe school phobia when she was around 5. I think it started when my Dad got sick and the household got a little nutty. My parents let her stay home for awhile, it was that bad. But then she just got worse and worse, so they finally got her to school, and after a week or so she settled in.

Good luck whatever you try!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OTMomma*
Thanks for the responses. Pookietooth, it sounds like you are dealing with those difficult moving stresses too. I think its just really hard on little ones to understand the concept of moving. I sort of think dd is just sick of seeing something new everytime we leave the house and feeling so disoriented. She seemed fine the first 2 weeks we were here, but the last 2 weeks, she's had this fear of leaving the house. She also keeps telling me "I miss my old house"
Now that I think of it, she has changed her nap schedule too. So maybe that has a lot to do with it too. Since our move she gets up a lot earlier and naps a lot earlier, which is strange for her.
Well, thanks for the sympathy. If anyone has any ideas how to help a toddler cope with moving please let me know!


----------

