# I cannot cuddle this child to sleep ANYMORE!



## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

BAH! I'm quickly approaching the very frayed end of my rope! DS has been in bed with us from day one. I'm 100% down with the family bed. I wouldn't want it any other way... but I just. can't. snuggle. him to bed ANYMORE! I can't! DS nursed to sleep for the first 20 mos of his life, and since then I have snuggled him to sleep for naps and at bedtime... and I need that time back from him.

Sometimes he takes forever to fall asleep and I've got a life to live! I want that time to take a breather, pick up the living room, take a shower, or load the dishwasher, god forbid! Also, I WAH, and sometimes snuggling him down for naps is *super* inconvenient if not impossible.

How in the world do I help him fall asleep on his own? I'm at a loss, here, I really am! I don't even know where to begin, but it has to happen. When I am struggling to get him to sleep at night, all my perceived inadequacies as a mother invade my brain, leaving me VERY ornery, NOT very lovey, and SUPER frustrated!

Please help!


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## tpintsch (Jun 26, 2008)

I got to that point to with my son when he was 2. I would have to lay next to him for at least 2 hrs every night and if I tried to leave earlier he would wake up and cry. Then one night I just had had enough and I explained to him that I would cuddle with him for 15 minutes and then leave. I had to go through a whole night of bringing him back to his bed every 30 minutes and I got no sleep but we broke the habit and I got my life back. I know that my opinion might not be so accepted, but at that point in our life we had to do what was best for our family. It was tough and I wish we didn't have to do it that way, but I felt like I had tried everything else. Good luck with whatever you try, I know its tough.


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

im not sure how old your kiddo is, but maybe you could try the 'be right back' approach?

Get him all settled, hang out or lay with him for ... 10 minutes or so, and then tell him you need to go check this or that and you will be right back. I used to do this with kids I babysat and it worked sooo well. I would come back in a few minutes and then say..... oh I have to check this, I will be right back, and then I will come back in double the time... then 10 minutes... elongating the time I am gone so that they will fall asleep. ... returning reassures them that you will come back.

my friend has a 4 1/2 year old who still wont go down on his own, so she sits in a rocking chair in his room and tells him if he doesnt go to sleep while she is there, she will have to leave to go do what she needs to .. this gets him to settle down and go to sleep rather than fool around. When she does it, it takes about 15 minutes.. when her husband does it and interacts with him and talks to him the whole time, it can take over an hour or so.

try not laying with him but rubbing his back, hten rubbing his back while you are sitting next to him, then rubbing his back while you sit in a chair next to the bed, then holding or rubbing his hand while you sit in a chair.. then only rub his hand for a few minutes... then just hold his hand.. then dont hold his hand... then move the chair further away every few nights (each step is done for a few nights then it changes). This is very gradual and may not create too many power struggles.


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## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

DS is 2. I've tried giving him a time frame and telling him that Mommy can only snuggle for so many minutes, and then he needs to fall asleep... but when time is up, he shoots outta bed faster than I can leave the room. Then I put him back in bed, but he just cries and screams, can it's really sad.

Perhaps I will try gradually getting further away from him. That sounds like a nice enough way. I don't mind if it takes a few weeks to get him falling asleep on his own. Has this way worked for many moms?

I just want to be consistent and clear with him, but when I set boundaries, such as 15 mins snuggle time, and he's still not sleeping... then what? Do I just let him cry? I've tried letting him cry for a few minutes, and coming back in to settle him down, but he just bawls again when I leave. oh, man! It's frustrating!


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## alfabetsoup (Jun 13, 2005)

You don't say how old your LO is but might he be dropping his nap? My 2.5 yo has dropped hers and once I stopped fighting it our lives got a lot easier. It was impossible to cuddle her to sleep for a nap, she would sometimes have one in the stroller (still will but I try to avoid it) and take forever to fall asleep at night. Lots of rolling, kicking, singing, pulling mommy's hair--AARGH.

I finally gave up on the nap and now she goes to bed at 7 and goes right to sleep. No nap is hard but I would rather skip it than have to lie with her for 2 hours while she does calisthenics in the evening.


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

my dd gave up her nap at two also... it sounds like the gradual moving away will work best for him. If he resists, you are still there to comfort him through it. CIO is leaving your child to deal with an issue alone, staying with him and comforting him through the change is very ok and healthy because he isn't going to feel deserted. if you sit up and he doesnt like it, just remain seated and comfort him through it. When you get to the point where you sit next to him on a chair..... again.. just comfort him through it if he resists.... if you make the changes in very gradual increments, you may be surprised at what he will learn to tolerate!!! .. without him even realizing it!!

ETA: I have done this with many children that I watch... or at the daycare that I worked at with toddlers. The gradual change is the easiest, and sometimes the kids barely notice it.

you can start simply with incremental body movements that put you more away from him... try using a pillow between you so he still feels something against him...... position yourself a little more away each night... until you are sitting then half on half off the bed with your feet hanging off, etc.


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## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

Oh, man! It never occurred to me that he might be giving up naps. That would be a sad day, indeed. But if it meant that he would go to sleep faster (possibly alone?) at night, it might be worth it.

FWIW, he goes down for naps a lot more easily than at night for bed. With naps, it's usually pretty quick and painless. It takes him forever to fall asleep at night, though.


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## MommaCrystal (May 25, 2006)

We did the "be right back" thing at about 2.5. I had an new infant and the three of us in one place never worked. But I couldn't leave the infant for long. It worked well!


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## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alfabetsoup* 
You don't say how old your LO is but might he be dropping his nap? My 2.5 yo has dropped hers and once I stopped fighting it our lives got a lot easier. It was impossible to cuddle her to sleep for a nap, she would sometimes have one in the stroller (still will but I try to avoid it) and take forever to fall asleep at night. Lots of rolling, kicking, singing, pulling mommy's hair--AARGH.

I finally gave up on the nap and now she goes to bed at 7 and goes right to sleep. No nap is hard but I would rather skip it than have to lie with her for 2 hours while she does calisthenics in the evening.

this. My 2 yr old doesnt nap anymore either, most of the time. He is right now because he is sick and was up coughing a bunch last night.... But usually, he doesnt.

I jsut started giving it 20 minutes and if he wasnt asleep, then it was no nap for that day and an early bedtime. I do love early bedtimes! Then he nurses to sleep peacefully and I can be happy!


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

Is he telling you he is ready for bed? Ds is 2 1/2 and still nurses to sleep, so I am in a slightly different situation. But for me, rather than getting frustrated about that, I just use that time to read a book, or think, or whatever. Why can't you shower while he is awake? Maybe you can do some of the things that you want to do earlier in the evening, and just go to bed with him? I think that age is particularly needy; it's definitely not a linear process in my home!


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

Well, just in case nothing else works, I'll let you know that I had to cuddle and nurse DS to sleep every night until he was 3.5 years old. Then I had to at least cuddle him to sleep, and the one night I wasn't there (had to take a solo trip away for fun for under 48 hours after an incredibly stressful "family vacation") DH had to basically get DS so tired he passed out.

Now he's 4.5 and while he still has DH lie down with him (we have a family bed so it's not difficult for hubby) he doesn't need me at all.

So if nothing else works, even without doing anything in particular, simply getting older and more mature has helped my guy figure it all out.

We're getting him a bed soon, at his continued request, and it's going to be interesting what happens then!


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## veralevitt (Mar 3, 2007)

Just wanted to let you know we are right in the thick of it with you. Trying desperately to get DD (2 in two weeks) to sleep on her own before this babe (due in 5 weeks) comes. We are also potty learning, which means lots of "potty please" to stay awake. I am happy to forgo potty learning for sleep, but DD has other ideas. Last week we tried CIO after consistent bedtime routine and a few minutes of me back rubbing, etc. I puttered around the kitchen and picked up the house so she could here me and would know I hadn't just left her. The crying wasn't constant, but lasted off and on for 1.5 hours the first night, then cut in half every night after that. But DD was falling asleep at the gate to our room (she sleeps in a toddler bed at the foot of our bed, but sleeps with us sometimes too, it doesn't make a difference to us where she wants to go to sleep and she gets to choose, the toddler bed gives us more room if we need it and she transfers easily). Then the 6th night she went to sleep in her bed with no crying at all. Night 7 was back to square one and she sounded so upset (not the mad frustrated cry, but really upset) so we gave in and let her come hang out on the couch till the end of our movie, and i went to bed with her. Huge step backward, but both she and I can only take so much and DH supports whatever i need to do. Last night I tried a different approach as I couldn't handle the crying. I sat just outside the gate so she could see me if she looked up, she cried a few times but i told her "shh, i'm right here" and she was quiet again. She fell asleep pretty quickly. I know she just wants to be with us, but dh and I need some alone time too. He works so much and is out of town so much, we get very little, so i need her to go to bed consistantly, and with newborn sleep coming soon, we need her sleep issues ironed out. Naps are not a problem. I stay with her and use the time to nap myself, or put my feet up and read or get online and assume I will be napping with both kids when the new babe comes and loving it, so I'm fine with staying with her for naps. I can get up and leave after she falls asleep which is very quickly at naptime and often she falls asleep in the car on the way home from mornings out (we spend almost every morning out at playgroup, diaper circle, babyearing meetings, etc) and transfers easily. So anyway, we are in the same boat and I will continue to update what is and isn't working for us and hope you do the same OP, as I could use all the advice i can get. I am picking up the toddler "no cry sleep solution" at the library tomorrow which i think outlines the step by step, moving farther away thing. Not sure where to go after just outside the gate, maybe to the hallway. But I'll cross that bridge when she consistantly and easily falls asleep without me in the room. Thanks for posting this and good luck to you!


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## sarahsmiles (Jan 9, 2007)

Just commiserating. DD just turned 2 and while the move into her own bed was TRANSFORMATIVE (because we could lie down with her instead of trying to move her to a crib without waking her) we now have the opposite problem. Whoever is getting her to bed often ends up falling asleep while actively cuddling her to sleep, and the whole goal -- having time for DH and me in the evenings -- is blown.

Plus, she comes to our bed usually around midnight, anyway.

But right there with you on the calisthenics. And the crying piteously if you try to leave the bed thinking she's asleep, but she's obviously not asleep ENOUGH. "No! Mommy! BEDDDD"

No-nap days are certainly easier to get her to sleep, but those evenings aren't always super fun for the whole family, either.

Still, she's sleeping better than she has her entire life, and when I remember what we went through in the first 18 months or so, I try to realize this, too, will have to pass, right? Someday?


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## mkmoro311 (Oct 23, 2006)

This is what I am dreading! My 10 mo has always slept with us and I want to get her in her crib by 1 yr so we are not trying to do this at 2 yr! The problem is she sleeps through the night, always has and I put her down @ 7 and I get a few hrs to myself, I ask why would I want to mess with that! I guess I would rather get this situation handled sooner than later!


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

If it isn't a problem, why do you feel a need to move her? Maybe it won't ever be an issue.


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## veralevitt (Mar 3, 2007)

So last night I wouldn't say progress was made. After reading about half of NCSS, I tried a few things
1. no sugar (natural or otherwise) after lunch/snack
2. Protien and green veggies for dinner (her first time eating poultry, she has had fish for the last year) and 45 minutes before bed, hard cheese
3. nap was about 20 miutes late and she slept 2.5 hours so we started bedtime routine at 7:25 instead of 7

So here is how it went...
1. Bath from 7:25 till 7:40. She used to take longer baths, no idea why she is shortening her bath so much
2. After bath, towel burrito snuggle, as usual
3. 7:45 into pj's
4. 7:50 potty (she went)
5. 8pm into bed with 2 books
6. Mommy reads till 8:20pm, then lights out, with the explanation that mommy will stay in the room if she stays in bed and goes to sleep
7. Tossing and turning until 9:45, gets out of bed and asks for potty and tries to take off her longies, mommy has complete meltdown (this includes mommy slamming hand down on the dresser, "why can't you just go to sleep?" screamed at dd, taking off diaper and woolies putting her on potty and sobbing, which causes DD to start sobbing, at which point DH calls and is on his way home from LA (2 hrs) and hears me crying, then hears me scream "GO LAY DOWN IN BED" at DD who has left the potty and come down the hall crying, to which he replies "you can't just scream at her like that" to which I reply "I can do whatever the F I want since I am all alone and doing this by myself"

So you can see why I don't feel progress was made.

I get off the phone with DH, go back to our room where DD is lying silently in her bed. I put her diaper and longies back on and she tries no to look at me. I ask her if she is scared, she says "yes". I ask her if mommy scared her when she yelled and she says, in the most pitiful voice, "yes". I tell her I am very sorry that I scared her and very sorry that I yelled at her and that I love her very much and would never hurt her. I ask her if she is ok, and she says yes. I ask if she can try to go to sleep and she says yes. I ask if I can give her a hug and kiss, and she wraps her sweet little arms around me and hold me tight and gives me kisses. I tell her I'll be right back, she says "ok". I go start some Peaceful Mama tea and come back to sit with her. She is asleep in 15 minutes, just as the tea finishes brewing and I go sit on the couch and sip it while breathing deep and reminding myself that I did not become a parent because the job was easy, and it is my job to help her feel safe and secure always, not scared of mom, and I have a truly wonderful special little girl who just wants to be with me and that will not be the case far too soon. Then I call DH and tell him she is asleep and wonderful man that he is he says he is sorry that he isn't there to help me and will be home the next 5 days to help. Thank God for him, he always knows when I need his kindness.

So tonight we will try again, although we are seeing a friend from out of town for dinner in Downtown SD and will probably be out till bed time so she will just fall asleep in the car and transfer to bed just fine and be out for the night.

I guess it's good to remember I am only human and rely on the fact that attatchement parrenting for 2 years has given DD a deep sense of security and she can whether this kind of storm without any real trouble. I wll not be this pregnant and hormonal for much longer (5 weeks) and I can have a glass of wine soon (although the tea is nice, it's just not the same).

OP, I hope you are having more success, but if not, we are still there with you.


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

I'm starting to wonder if the reason I never had, overall, these sorts of issues is b/c I read while DS falls asleep. I cuddle, I nurse (after 14 days of no nursing he wanted it this morning!), I chat with him, all with a book behind his head, reading my mysteries or Harry Potter or whatever.

I'm not perfect, I have had my moments, but overall I was amusing myself by reading (and the other part is that hubby was always off doing dishes or something nice like that, while waiting to see if DS needed to be walked by him) so it never seemed so horribly horrible.

Hugs to all, and lightweight paperback books to be read by dim, ruin-your-vision (but save your sanity) light to you too!


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## alfabetsoup (Jun 13, 2005)

veralevitt, that sounds like a really hard night. There is something about all the tossing and turnign that really winds me up too.

I just wanted to reassure you, my DD1 was 2.2 when DD2 was born and we've been able to keep our bedtime routine. I wanted to get DD1 going to sleep by herself but it just didn't happen. Here was our evening routine tonight:

5:00 Dinner for DD1. Catnap for dd2 (3.5 months)
6:00 head upstairs. DD2 has top and tail bath and gets jammies on. DD1 plays around the bathroom and her bedroom.
6:20 DD2 in bath. Nurse DD1 in bathroom (toilet seat is soooo comfortable)
6:50 DD1 teeth brushed, jammied. Choose books and tidy room.
7:00 Read in DD1's bed with both kids

Then turn all upstairs lights out, pop DD2 in bouncy seat with binky and cuddle DD1 to sleep. I think she was out by 7:30 but I fell asleep, woke up at 9 and put DD2 in her own bed.

When DH is home in time (not tonight) DD2 gets cuddled to sleep as well. I feel guilty about putting her down but once she's full up and has her binky she just goes to sleep, no fussing or anything.

Why don't you try cutting her nap down to 45 mins-1 hour? I know from bitter experience that 2.5 hours means a 10pm bedtime no matter when you start. It's so hard when you're pregnant and can really use that 2 hour nap yourself but I'd rather have the evening stress-free tbh.

Good luck with it, it will work out!


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## veralevitt (Mar 3, 2007)

Guess I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch...

DD fell asleep in the car as predicted, but once we put her in bed, she was up within 15 minutes. Nap was only an hour today. She fell asleep at 7:15, was awake by 8:30. It is now 10:50 and she is wide awake and eating a snack. DH and I both stayed with her in a quiet dark room for almost 2 hours. She tossed and turned, no crying, not trying to play, just awake. At 10pm I told DH if I didn't get the dishes put away and counters cleared, it would be no use having a cleaning person come tomorrow (a gift from Mom as DD's birthday party is Sunday, usually I keep the house clean myself, but she knew i'd be really preggo and not wanting to deal with the party and cleaning, yada yada)
So he goes out to nd to dishes, I fold and put away laundry and DD is still awake (used to be that me putting away laundry put her right out) She had no TV at all today, tons of physical activity, ate really well at all three meals, about twice her normal amount, and is still apparently hungry. At 11pm I am going to bed. DH at least has a very good idea of what we are dealing with and has no solutions either. He says he remembers being very young and taking hours to fall asleep too. We have her drinking nighty night tea right now, but honestly I MUST figure out what is going on. Frankly I no longer care when she goes to bed as long as she isn't throwing tantrums, and it will ruin our love life, but after baby it will be many weeks anyway so who cares. I am so sick of this. Anyone have a clue as to why my child can't sleep? Like I said, she wasn't trying to play, stayed in her bed with us next to her for 2 hours. I don't get it.

Contrariety, are you having better luck?


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

I just had a gut feeling, Vera, that she is picking up on your stress and haste. You want a certain result by a certain time, because the baby is coming. I think the pressure is adding to the issue, and she is maybe a little stressed by it - and we can't fall asleep easily when stressed.

I also recall my DD getting behavioural issues when I was pregnant. I don't recall sleep issues, but she was almost 6 when DS was born. But a wedge seemed to get firmly between DD and I during the end of my pregnancy and during the first few months of DS's life. It was very stressful for all of us, our connection seemed broken, lost. I feared we'd never regain it. She pushed all my buttons, tested new boundaries, right when I needed more mental rest and then physical rest once the baby was here. I think deep down they know they are about to be ousted from their postion in the family, and they cling to those last moments of alone time with you.

I think the sleep issue will iron itself out, if for no other reason than subsequent children teach the first ones independence and a little more self reliance - we simply can't be in two places at once, there will be moments where they learn those tough lessons. I remember some defining moments in my daughter's life and our relationship dynamics. Like, she used the toilet one time but there wasn't enough toilet paper left on the roll. I was laying on the bed feeding an almost-asleep newborn, I couldn't get up and help, I heard her trying to pull that last stuck inch off the roll to wipe her bum - but she didn't call me for help. I felt terrible, like I'd lost her "need" of me (never thought I'd miss that!) or that she'd only learned "mama isn't there for you", but it wasn't, it was a necessary moment for both of us.

She was always "first child" needy before that, like it proved our love to her or something, needing help with every goddamned thing from finding stuff right under her nose to getting a drink she was quite capable of getting the day before but suddenly, she picked up that she had to pull some weight for us all to get through it. I have seen strength in her I didn't know she had, and she has felt that in herself now. This may not have happened had she not "had" to go through some toughening moments.

I say all that in hopes you might relax a little, although I know how hard that is right now, with everything going on and only hope that it will rectify itself. But taking the pressure off yourself to get her to a certain point by a certain date, and perhaps slowing it all down, will make the transition nicer, and maybe smoother for both of you.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

I'm feeling what Calm said, Vera, about your anxious energy around bedtime. It sounds like having you in the room while she goes to sleep DOES work, just not as fast as you would like? Can you let that go? What if you get a book light, fix yourself some tea (or wine, for that matter), and just read by her bed for as long as it takes?


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## veralevitt (Mar 3, 2007)

I think we pretty much decided not to deal with it for the time being. DD doesn't have any real behavior issues, is a pleasure to be around 85% of the time and is battling a cough. It always happens as parents that we spend weeks trying to figure something out and just as we do, it's on to some new dilemma. So we are just letting it go. Last night she was up till 10, when I went to bed too, so even though she was running circles around the house till then, it wasn't hurting anyone, DH and I watched out movie anyway, then DD and I went to bed. DH laid with us till we were both asleep. He says she was out in 15 minutes. I think we will stick to our bedtime routine from 7-8 and she will sleep when she is ready. There is no predicting how the newborn will sleep, so I am just not going to worry about it. I have faith it will work out. Normally she is such an incredibly independent child, I'll give her the extra time she needs right now before she is no longer the only child. DH will be home the first month, so I'll have help. Thanks for the support mamas. -Vera


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## chicago_mama (Jan 5, 2008)

We are going through all of this right now too. It is so refreshing to read all of your posts.

My ds is almost 2 1/2. He slept in a co-sleeper and with us for several months and then we moved him to a crib. He could have cared less. In the early morning, I would bring him to bed to nurse. But pretty quickly he just slept through the night and preferred to sleep alone in his own room until the past couple of months.

Now, he is an entirely different little sleeper (or non-sleeper). It started with his wanting me to rock him to sleep which would take FOREVER because he couldn't get comfy in the rocker. So we got him a twin mattress for the floor. Now, he wants me to lay with him until he is asleep which can take over an hour. I slowly get more and more frustrated which I am sure he can sense. Sometimes it is all too obvious. I do think it is the nap thing. On the days he misses his nap, he will go to sleep within 15 minutes. On nap days (school days) it is much more drawn out.

I really need some time to myself. Without the naps, the afternoons are no longer mine. And nighttime is getting later and later. He used to be asleep by 7:30 now I feel lucky if it is 8:30. The worst is when I fall asleep with him and wake up a 10pm to a filthy kitchen, piles of laundry, and train tracks all over the living room.

He is definitely not ready for the "be back in a minute" thing. He just freaks out. And to top it off, he rarely sleeps through the night and comes to bed with us around 5am and sometimes can't fall back to sleep. We are all very tired. And now I am pregnant!


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## BaBaBa (Jun 30, 2007)

I'm in the same boat as the OP and so many of you.

I've sort of resigned myself to it though.

I'm not ready to give up the afternoon nap. I really look forward to it. I do try to make it earlier rather than later though.

I try to be as relaxed as possible heading in to bedtime. Listen to the radio, have a drink, read...

and pray that it will all end soon







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## angelandmisha (May 16, 2008)

I don't have much advice, just comiseration! My 14mo will not stay asleep longer than about thirty minutes if I get out of bed- that includes every nap. The only time he sleeps without me is when he falls asleep in the car and then I hang out reading in the car because I don't want him to wake up getting him out of the car. I have to agree with other posters about reading- I just got a little book light for my birthday and that is really nice but the only thing that has allowed me to continue this sleep routine and not really try to get him to stay asleep without me is my iPhone. Seriously. Right now, I'm in bed, baby on one side, loud snoring husband on the other, wide awake and if it weren't for this iPhone I think I'd go crazy! I can be online, email, listen with headphones to podcasts all in the dark without disturbing anyone! It's awesome and I highly recommend it if you can(or any other similar device) along with a booklight.

Good luck!


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## EineMama (Jun 2, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel! What helps me is to remember that this will pass, too. They grow up so quickly, and one day you will miss their snuggles. I try to "stock up" on them.


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## dylan (Sep 20, 2006)

Oh boy this post brought me back!

My dd is going to be a teenager next month, but we sure did the angst about sleeping for naps when she was almost 2. I was SO not ready to have her stop naps, but when I didn't fight it, it made everything so much easier!

I had to realize that even if *I* wasn't ready to drop the afternoon nap, *she* was, and who's agenda was it anyway?

That said, it does sound like the OP's issue is at night more than at nap time. Dropping naps might make that much easier...but as far as how to deal with the crying if it happens just remember that any major change in routine is going to trigger all the unresolved emotional upsets that might have been adapted to...like sometimes the need for mama to be close like that during a transition such as awake to sleep could trigger something like a separation at birth, or a time when as an infant he was scared and it never got resolved in his psyche.


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## amma_mama (May 20, 2008)

BTDT...actually still doing it sometimes. Our DD, now 4yo, has always been a night owl, so "bedtime" is around 9:00. I find that the more that I struggle to get her to sleep, the faster that it goes down hill and the longer it is before she settles down to sleep. After many long stretches of difficulties putting her to sleep, we are in a good cycle right now (though I won't starting counting any chickens), with her going to sleep within 15-30 minutes. We do not have a strict bedtime, as it never worked with our very stubborn DD. But most nights, once I give a string of events (OK, 3 books, a bedtime snack and off to bed), she usually complies without too much trouble (though with some horse trading in between before we settle on a "deal"). I think it gives her more of a sense of "control". Other nights, she asks to go to bed. DH is pretty good on those other nights (now more rare) that she is buoncing off the walls and I am wiped out tired (why do they always seems to coincide?). I admit to having a few nights when I lost it - not pretty. So I try to hand her off to DH when I feel myself getting too frustrated. Those nights, I go to sleep in her bed and she joins when she is ready, usually within 30 minutes.

Good luck to all in finding something that works for you and your LOs.


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

I'm past that age for the first, and not quite at that age for the second. With DD, I held her or was at least laying in bed with her until she was 3 or so. I just read a book or magazine. I recall falling asleep in those months/years when she'd take too long, sometimes before she did. I also remember frustration at times feeling that I was missing DH time, it was so much easier on nights he worked as the pressure and options were gone.

After that age I was able to, most of the time, leave the room while she fell asleep with the promise of frequent check ins. Sometimes I'd lay with her during a check in for a minute, and sometimes I'd just give her a kiss. And AAAAAHHHH the bliss when during a check in she was asleep!

She's 6 and a half now and with DS I have my hands full at bedtime so she's on her own. Now it constitutes her mooching around by herself until 6.45 when I can sneak out while DS is in bed falling asleep; I get her dressed and tucked in by 7pm, and listen to her read _me_ a story. Heh, how things change. I then leave her to read and eventually go in and turn her light out and put the book on the floor. By 7.20 I'm child free, and that includes the baby. Most APers are very flexible and whatnot but I'm not so much. I hear about bedtimes "between 6 and 10" and that just makes me shudder







. I run a pretty tight ship cos I'm a bit of a control freak. I like to know what's coming next and this seems to be shared by my kids.


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## Mom'n it (Nov 3, 2005)

My guy just turned 3 and is now requiring just cuddles to sleep "Don't go mama". Before I could read book after book and then he'd just fade into dreamland. So now, if I need to get work done and he's taking a little longer for cuddles, I just tell him that "I'll be sitting over there" and I'll put a clarinet cd on for him and he may be awake, but it mostly always works. Sometimes if he's too worked up/excited, I'll give him "honey-water" which is kid's valerian tincture. He doesn't nap anymore either, that's long gone, well unless he falls asleep in the car... Good luck!

Personally, I don't mind cuddling so much, but I do appreciate that night time to myself.


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