# threatening to throw child's toys away



## Mama2E&O (Sep 7, 2004)

I have a few friends who use this method of discipline. For instance if their child pushes or hits they take one of their children's toys and tell them they are "throwing it away."








I feel very confused by this method as the moms I know who do this are extremely gentle and loving moms and it really surprises me that they do this. It really disturbs me. I know that if I did this my DC would be so upset and confused. How is this logical? How are they to learn anything except fear that their stuff is going to be taken away forever by mama or daddy?
What do you all think?


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## whoamama (Jan 5, 2006)

That's not very logical, there's no connection between the action and the consequence. I only use that threat for cleaning rooms...I'm pretty serious with a big garbage bag in my hand, stuff gets put away. Anyhow, I totally agree that that is a confusing way to discipline.


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whoamama*
That's not very logical, there's no connection between the action and the consequence. I only use that threat for cleaning rooms...I'm pretty serious with a big garbage bag in my hand, stuff gets put away. Anyhow, I totally agree that that is a confusing way to discipline.









: Why would you take away toys for something that has nothing to do with them?


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

It's psychological manipulation. Pure and simple.


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

It also places too much emphasis on material goods. And reinforces society's throwaway mentality.

Now, if dd and a friend are fighting over a toy, I will take it away for that moment, though. But I never say I'm going to throw it away, just that if they can't share it, they can't play with it for right now.


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## writermommy (Jan 29, 2005)

I have put toys in "time out" when fighting gets out of hand. I wouldn't threaten to throw them out. My step dds mother actually did throw away her toys once when she was little. One was a $40 barbie that I had bought! It was very traumatic for her.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

After the upteeth time my ds trashed his room, we took 90% of his toys away. Unlike some here, I would argue there is a fairly strong connection between taking his toys if he can't keep his room clean. Ds's room measures fairly smallish compared to the other rooms in our house - 12x8 but it does come with a huge closet. All his toys fit in there. The rule is put it away when you are done playing with it before you take out more. Five years ago we had a house fire. His room has an outdoor porch. If his room is a mess and toys are tripping us or otherwise blocking the way, that is a huge problem. For that reason and it's just good to be in the practice of keeping your room clean, his toys get taken away if he can't contain them. They don't get thrown out though. He can get them back after his room stays clean for a set amount of time.


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## dulce de leche (Mar 13, 2005)

Um...isn't it stealing to take someone else's belongings and not give them back?







: Aside from all the reasons that previous posters have given, I just consider stealing wrong, even from children.

ETA: iamthesmiglione, I wasn't referring to you, this was to the OP


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## Dragonfly (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
It's psychological manipulation. Pure and simple.











and

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HerthElde*
It also places too much emphasis on material goods. And reinforces society's throwaway mentality.











It also seems kind of bratty.







:

iamthesmilingone - Your situation is different than the one in the OP. You have valid reasons for removing the toys (fire safety, etc.). I don't agree with the consequence aspect of it for my own family, but at least it's logically related.

I also weed through ds' toys when our space is getting overwhelmed and remove a lot of them (as long as he doesn't object - he usually goes through them and tells me which few he'd like to keep). He doesn't function well in a cluttered, chaotic space. Taking toys away because of hitting, etc., though? That seems retaliatory... just off.


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## Kleine Hexe (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whoamama*
I only use that threat for cleaning rooms...I'm pretty serious with a big garbage bag in my hand, stuff gets put away.

I do this too when it's time to clean.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Do they really do it? Or just threaten it? One night during Christmastime, my SIL threatened my nephew with, "If you don't come open this present that just came in the mail, I'm going to throw it in the garbage. Do you want me to throw your present in the trash?"

My dh and I use, "Do you want me to throw your present in the trash?" as code now for each other when we're getting a little to threatening/controlling.


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## writermommy (Jan 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dragonfly*
:

Taking toys away because of hitting, etc., though? That seems retaliatory... just off.


I guess it depends. Taking away all the toys because a child hit would be retaliatory. Taking away a toy truck after a child smacked another in the head with the truck, not retaliatory, but logical. I would return it when the situation calmed down.


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## Mama2E&O (Sep 7, 2004)

Okay, here is an example of what I am talking about:
My friend's child pushes another child and so she says: "Okay, I am throwing one of your toys away."
Not a toy that was being fought over, not even necessarily a toy that was anywhere near. Just a random toy. I guess the idea behind it is to scare the child into not hitting/pushing etc?








So it has nothing to do with what the child did in the first place.
Oh, and they don't throw it away they hide it and bring it back out later. To make things more confusing for the child.. .







:
The whole thing really bothers me and I just wanted to hear other's input.


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## winonamom2be (Nov 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natensarah*
One night during Christmastime, my SIL threatened my nephew with, "If you don't come open this present that just came in the mail, I'm going to throw it in the garbage. Do you want me to throw your present in the trash?"


Hooo boy. And people think forced sterilization is a BAD idea.

Did I just say that?


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I've threatened (and followed through with) putting toys in "time out" for a few days after tripping over a toy, toys not being put away properly, or a child hurting another person with a toy. I've threatened to give all the toys to the thrift store if they continue to not take care of their toys- and followed through on that as well "I see you can't keep your toys put away. You must have too many of them. Let's give away the ones you don't play with very much so you'll have room for the toys you do play with."

I'd never take a toy away for hitting another child- that just seems random and punative.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *winonamom2be*
Hooo boy. And people think forced sterilization is a BAD idea.

Did I just say that?










Oh, so you must know my in-laws?

Did I just say THAT?!?


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

I think it's a horrible idea. But I think those moms are probably just feeling the incredible embarrassment and social pressure associated with seeing your child act out in front of others or, worse, act aggressive or physical toward other people's children.

Those moms might never do something like that when alone with their children. Maybe they do, I'm just putting it out there.

I know that I have done things that are not GD, and that I regret, when otherp eople are around that I never would have otherwise.


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
It's psychological manipulation. Pure and simple.









: It is a way to control and manipulate someone. It doesn't even have to always be a child, adults do it to other adults, as well.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Quote:

My dh and I use, "Do you want me to throw your present in the trash?" as code now for each other when we're getting a little to threatening/controlling.















:

That is genius. Hee.


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## delicious (Jun 16, 2003)

that's really sad. i wonder if they just don't know what else to do?


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