# How could she?!!!



## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

My husband walked in the door yesterday with a dazed look on his face. He had just biked home from work, and up the hill to our home...15 miles.







I noticed that he hadn't come in right away, and saw that he was on his cell phone in the yard. I didn't think much about it. But, when he came in I saw that something was not right. "What's up?" I asked. He looked at me and said that he had been talking to his mom, and when she said goodbye she had said "I can't wait to see you in 6 weeks!" and then hung up.

He realised that she was planning on comming...on my due date...like she had mentioned she would do to "help" when I was still pregnant. She went ahead and bought her ticket AFTER we lost our babies. How could she do that?? How could she think that was a good idea???

She doesn't work. Has NEVER worked...so it isn't about vacation time. She had NOT bought the ticket before because I had spoken to her only a week before the loss, and she TOLD me she wouldn't be able to be sure about dates of comming for another MONTH. She must have just BOUGHT her ticket, and decided "what the hell...I'll just come at the end of summer like I had planned to do anyway. Why change my plans, or ask them what THEY think about it..." LIKE IT WAS NOT A BIG DEAL OR AN INAPPROPRIATE TIME!!!!!!!!









She knows VERY well that I have not spoken to her since the loss...that I have been struggleing with her additudes about EVERYTHING in addition to the struggleing I do without her help! She MUST know that it is going to be a really hard time for me...for all of us. Does she beleive her presence is a good idea?

I sat down...and just looked at my husband. Too upset to talk. Head spinning. He took my hand and said..."I will fix this. I have no idea what her problem is. she obviously should not come then. obviously. That is OUR time...we need that time to be sacred."

I nodded.

This is just more of the same thing from her. She keeps showing me that she has NO idea how hurtful she is and was to me. NO idea that her actions and words keep belittleing this loss. NO idea that she is completely insensitive.

She just wants to come at the same time we were going to have our babies, she just wants to act like nothing ever happened or was going to happen. She just wants to do whatever she wants without any thought of what WE want. She is a spoiled little insensitive rich girl with a stick up her







and is completely clueless that she is out of line.......sigh.

I am soooo sad and angry...and I can not beleive that my wonderful, sensitive, well balanced, intelligent husband came from her body. It is sometimes beyond my ability to understand.

I feel so sorry for my husband. He loves her so much...and he SEE'S how inappropriate she has been, is being....he has to keep informing her of her horrid errors, and it is a lot of work...I know he is bewildered at her behaivior lately...and devastated to know how much she keeps hurting me when I am already gasping for air under this pain.

I know he will put an end to her plans...but...what I want to understand is WHY she keeps doing the things she does!







:


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

Thinking of you and sorry your MIL is so narcissistic.


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## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I'd have a hard time biting my tongue at this point and would tell her that it's not a good time to come and please change her travel dates. Inform her you will not be home on those dates, wether it's true or not. Maybe your dh can tell her/ask her? That is your time together.

My mil has been ok. I stayed at her home for 2 weeks while we were gone and she was ok until the wedding we went to. There were 2 preg women there and it completely shocked me to tears. When I told her I was upset because it should be me that was 6m preg, not them, she told me to "get over it". I couldn't believe it.

Sometimes people just don't think.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Ugh. I'm sorry, mama!!


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I thought my mil was bad because she never mentions my miscarriage. Compared to what you guys are going through, I prefer it! I'm sorry you mil's are so crummy!!


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

She is just really oblivious. I feel better after venting here...I think she just didn't THINK. Well...THAT is obvious...but, really...I think she was just thinking that she would like to see her son and grandkids, and had already planned on comming...so, just decided she would come. She never wanted our babies anyway...it's not a big loss to HER. (rather...a blessing!!)

Sooo...even though I COULD just include her in the plans we had to release balloons, and spread the ashes on the due date....I DO NOT WANT TO.

I don't want someone here that DIDN'T want my babies! I don't want a person who was RELIEVED that they were GONE. I can't share my husbands attention (as needy as that may sound...)...and don't want to entertain anyone or plan menus or act like I am O.K. just to make her comfortable.

I don't want to think that she is callous....she's just clueless. It hurts just the same though...

I'm glad my guy will tell her not to come...it would be better if she came for Christmas maybe...


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## notjustmamie (Mar 7, 2007)

Well, it sounds like your DH and I are on the same page. I would simply tell her she is not invited to visit during that time. If she still wants to come to town and find herself a hotel or whatever, I guess you can't really stop her, but I would not invite her to the house and not inform her of your plans during that time.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. She sounds like a real peach.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm sorry your MIL is being so insensitive. My MIL came to visit as she had previously planned for Lachlan's due date, and overall the trip was a disaster. It was really emotional having my inlaws visiting for what should have been a trip to help with the baby, and on top of that my MIL acted completely inappropriatly the whole time. In any case, DH and I visited Lachlan's grave alone on his due date, and stayed as long as we liked while we remembered him, cried and talked to him. It was our time. I hope your DH is able to cancel her trip. Wishing you peace as you approach your babies' due date.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

oh no, i was afraid this was about your mil. my grand-mil thought our baby was a bad accident too, wanted dh to get the big V (thank GOD he didn't now!) and just said lots of inappropriate things. she came to stay with us for two weeks after matthew and it was difficult, although the housecleaning was nice. she didn't force herself on us though, that would have been a different story.

i'm sorry you guys are in the position of needing to tell her not to come. how difficult.

i really do understand the difficulty of being around someone who didn't want your babies in the first place. it's hard to trust that their condolences are genuine.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am sorry you have to deal w/her.


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