# Toddler kicked dog....



## pumpkinsmama (Aug 20, 2005)

My 2 yo kicked my dog hard in the ribs. She was laying down and he walked up to her and kicked her. Daisy is amazingly wonderful and patient. She just looked at me, got up and walked away.

I grabbed DS and got down to his level and said something like, we do not kick the dog, that was a very bad thing to do. I was very stern.

A minute later he walked over to her and tried to kick her again. I grabbed him before he could connect and carried him straight to his room and told him to stay in there. I felt like spanking him. I really did for the first time ever.

I think DH was a half a second away from spanking him. (DS has not nor ever will be spanked, but DH had jumped up split seconds after me and I don't know that he would not have slapped a hand or something. He and I were both pretty upset. Daisy has accepted ear pulling, being climbed on, tail pulling, etc. etc. etc. with wonderful patience. We do not "allow" such things, but DS is pretty fast and "loves" to be with "his" dog, sometimes he just grabbed an ear before we realized what was happening. He hasn't done any of those things since he was old enough to listen. But for some reason kicking the dog has turned into some sort of test, I guess because it makes us react so strongly.

DS was laughing pretty much the whole time I was carrying him up to his room. I don't know what to do. He cannot be allowed to kick the dog, cannot really be seperated from her, either. How do I make him understand just how awful it is to do that? He does not have a large enough vocabulary to really understand.

I'm feeling confused and sad. This is my first time in this forum, I never really thought I'd have anything to post here







not constructive advice, as I'm first time parent, nor asking for help. I am asking for help now.

He is such a good kid, mostly. Listens to no, don't touch, hot, not yours very well. I don't know why he thinks kicking the dog is a game, but I think it has to have something to do with the way DH and I both react. But how should I react? Help please!!!


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## tiffer23 (Nov 7, 2005)

I would try to keep him away from Daisy. If he tries to hurt her, he's not allowed to be around her for the rest of that day. You could explain to him that since he tried to hurt Daisy, he cannot play with her anymore until the next day. Let him see how disappointed you are, and how hurt it makes you. When he hurts her, I'd do what you did. Sternly tell him that is NOT acceptable. Then I'd go over and love on Daisy and sort of ignore DS. He then sees that when he's mean to Daisy, SHE gets the attention, not him. I wouldn't be mean to him or anything! But if he's fussing because he wants attention, maybe say something like "Daisy needs mommy's love right now because she is hurt."

And PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE when he's gentle with her! Lots of positive attention!

Good luck! This would be hard to deal with, I'm sure!


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Wow..this is one of the reasons breeders are careful about placing pups with ppl with young children. The ear pulling and all that from a 2 yr old CAN be prevented. I agree with the pp....take away his privelage of being around the dog UNTIL he is nice to her. Also, be sure to talk to him DAILY on how to treat ALL animals. Let him know that like himself, they hurt, too. I really don't know what else advice to give you. But if it continues and nothing seems to help, for the dogs sake -as I am a die hard animal lover-find the pooch a new home before something bad happens. This is another reason why some dogs have aggression towards young children because of the way they are being treated.
Heres a helpful site.
http://www.petsyclopedia.com/dogs/pe...ogsandkids.xml


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

First, I am glad you posted asking for help. Being too rough with pets is a very common problem.

It just isn't fair to the dog to risk her being kicked hard again. Dogs can only take so much before you risk bringing out behaviors you otherwise would never see (growling, snapping).

This is just one of those situations where waiting for a child to understand and/or outgrow a behavior is only part of the solution. The dog needs immediate intervention for it's own safety, and yours as well.

Prevention, prevention, prevention. Do not let him near the dog unsupervised. Sit between them. Use a gate. Keep the dog right beside you when your son is playing nearby. Put ds in a stroller for walks, or insist on holding hands on the opposite side of you from the dog. Stagger schedules so that the dog gets free time while you son naps, and the dog takes a quiet time in a closed room during your sons' most active period.

Start over. Do not assume your child knows how to behave around the dog. He has shown you he does not understand. That process takes time. Until he has the maturity to understand, do not rely on him to keep the dog safe. You can explain, share, model the right behavior to your son. But ultimately it is your job to ensure the dog is not kicked.

I would also consult an animal behaviorist. Let them talk to your son. They can give you insight into the dogs needs better than anyone here. I know small things~such as which person leaves the room after a kicking episode~are significant to dogs.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

When he hurts her, I'd do what you did. Sternly tell him that is NOT acceptable. Then I'd go over and love on Daisy and sort of ignore DS.
I used to think this too.

However numerous dog trainers have said this not the right response. Dogs are not human and that is a human way of thinking. Dogs are pack animals. Most dog to human aggression comes from an animal who doesn't accept the humans as above him in the pack. Doing the above sends the message "The little human is beneath you in the pack". Thus, the dog may feel suddenly inspired to reinforce "sending away the little human" with some "helpful" growling, snapping, and aggression in the future.

This is why it's so important not to let the dog get kicked in the first place. And, consult an animal behaviorist.


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## pumpkinsmama (Aug 20, 2005)

Keeping them seperate would punish Daisy as much as DS. She has never been locked up in a certain area. She is the best dog I have ever seen. I let her out in the unfenced backyard untethered, because she is disciplined enough to not go outside of the boundaries I set for her. She has never barked or growled at DS. I never let her snap or bite as a puppy and I've never seen her snap at anyone or anything. She sits outside DS's door when we put him down for a nap and waits there until he gets up. He is her best friend in many ways. He brings her dog food from her bowl, piece by piece and feeds it to her. Then runs back to pick up one more tiny piece. You would really have to see them together to understand. I am 100% certain that DS is in NO danger from her. I just don't know how to make a two yr old with a limited vocabulary understand just how terrible it is to kick an animal.

He has done nothing but love on her today, so we'll see.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I'm not saying Daisy is aggressive , I'm saying this *may* turn into aggression if he keeps this up. She may get tired and try to defend herself and the results will not be desirable. In most cases, people get upset and want to euthanize the dog, which imo, isn't really fair. Like a pp said, I'd seek an animal behaviorist maybe to help you with your son & Daisy. You don't want things to get out of hand. If she does get injured by your son (I mean seriously like something broken) and you have to take her to the vet, and someone hears whats going on, there can be animal cruelty charges just because as a parent you have to make sure that both your son AND dog are safe from harm. Just a thought. Daisy seems like a wonderful dog and I'd hate to see something bad happen. As a parent of 2 young ones, yes it takes time to teach them about pets. We've had pets (especially dogs) since ours were born so they know very well now how we treat all living things. Nothings perfect right off the bat, it will take some time. But when things are good, dogs and kids go hand in hand and they are eachothers best friend! My dog Dottie adores my Aja from head to toe and I'm sure Daisy still feels that way about you ds.


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## meandk0610 (Nov 8, 2005)

we have 3 dogs, 1 of them old & arthritic. dd is only 15 months, but we have been working on "gentle touch" since before she could even crawl. you might try telling him something like "no kick, hurt daisy". maybe he would understand all of those words.

hth,

sarah


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Keeping them separate when you can't be within arm's reach isn't meant to "punish" either dog or toddler, it is to keep the dog SAFE. At two, your child probably doesn't have the impulse control not to kick the dog (or whatever), even if he knows he shouldn't do it. It will take lots of time and attention to get him to the point where he and dog can be together outside of your arm's reach. So you need to figure out how to make that work. Yes, it might be hard on the dog and the child. But better that then the dog reaching her limit and biting the child, or the child doing serious damage, completely by accident, to the dog. This is one of these "emergency room (people or animal, or both) or prevention" sorts of decisions. It will be hard, but it is your job to protect both of them.

And when they are together, you need to model and help him be gentle with her. Your hand over his. Your body ready to get kicked if he forgets what he is doing. Your reminders as he gets a bit older about how to treat the dog. And the automatic, no second chances at that moment, separation of dog and child when he gets too rough. For both of their sakes.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

*At two, your child probably doesn't have the impulse control not to kick the dog (or whatever), even if he knows he shouldn't do it.*
Yes yes yes!

Keep them apart if you can't be right there between them. I think this is one of those "lack of impulse control" developmental things and all the "gentle touch" demos in the world can't fix that. It's probably something he'll have to outgrow as he grows into more empathy. This post seems to come up here all the time so it's totally totally normal, but it's not fair at all to the dog to have to be kicked for someone's amusement, even if it is just a "stage" thing.

I know it's a lot of work, I have to do it myself, but I think it's only fair and it's my responsiblity as a mom and as someone who shares my home with a small and fairly helpless creature.


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## apriljoy (Sep 22, 2005)

I know what you're going through. We're having to keep our dog separated, too, and it's so hard. He's so attached to us that it does seem like punishment to make him stay in another part of the house for such a large part of the day. But YOU know it's for your dog's own well-being. Your dog may not understand, but you can take other measures to make sure Daisy still feels very loved. My dh started taking our dog on an extra, very long walk each day at a place he (the dog!) loves to sniff around. And I've started sneaking in extra cuddles during ds's naptimes. But I've finally accepted that I cannot let them be together without my direct, hands-on supervision. I feel that my dog is finally starting to see how protective I am of both him and ds. And I'm modeling to ds how important it is to take an animal's well-being seriously. Even if he doesn't quite "get it" right now, I think he will grow up to understand. It's hard, but it's so worth it.


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## jackaroosmom (May 12, 2006)

First of all, I want you to know that you are not alone! My son is about to turn 2 this week and has delighted in chasing, hitting and pulling the tails of our animals (2 cats, one very old dog).

I really believe that my boy is a good-natured child and would not consider him to be ovely aggressive. I think that he enjoys doing these things to our pets because they are like live-action toys to him.

I don't think he can understand that he is bothering them or even hurting them. I really don't think that he will be cruel to animals for the rest of his life!

Anyway, I try to be right on top of the situation and remind him with words and modeling that we treat our pets gently. When he pets gently I make sure to acknowledge his effort. I will stop him if he gets rough and remind him all over again that it is not okay to hurt our pets. I sometimes seperate him from any pet that seems to need a break.

From what I have seem and read, this is normal toddler behavior. In my 3 year old preschool classroom, we had all kinds of pets and I never had a problem with children hurting the animals. They were more developmentally ready to control those impulses.

It is a phase that will one day pass, but will seem to take forever to do so!


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