# Nursing can cause miscarriage, according to MIL...



## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

I just "love" my MIL (note the sarcasm)

My mother in law relayed to me today that the reason that my body won't "carry" a baby is because of nursing. She proceeded to tell me that my body is depleted from nursing my son until he was 2 1/2. That is why my last 2 pregnancies have ended in miscarriage.

I got a little defensive and proceeded to tell her that this was not the case. I told her about what my midwife had said about it being strictly coincidence, considering my previous healthy pregnancy.
My MIL said she was just saying those things to make me feel better. Well I guess my midwife's nearly 30 yrs of experience were of no interest to her!! When my MIL is right, she is right!!

I tried to just deflate the situation by saying that there are certainly physical aspects to promote a healthy pregnancy. Anyhow I just wanted to vent a little.

Oh!!, she also said that God doesn't take those babies, its basically just a physical problem with you. She is a "religious" person with whom I do not share a spiritual perspective.

I am a civil, tolerant person, bought I thought I might get some points from "my team" by talking to you guys...

Sorry about the steam

Blessings - N


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Familykiss, that's what we're here for. Let all the steam off you need. {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

First of all ARGHHH!!!! How frustrating!!!! You must have felt so hurt, angry and more. That was certainly insensitive considering your vulnerable state.

Now, deep breath, keep breathing. You know the facts on nursing and birth loss. However, it's hard to accept what you know is true when others give you such confusing information when your deep in your own greif.

You loved and wanted your baby, your baby felt your love. You nurtured your baby with your body. For some reason that you'll probubly never know, the pregnancy could not make it. Your body did not fail, you did not fail.

1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a loss and out of thoes only about 40% can be explained. Those are real facts. If you read The Womanly Art Of Breastfeeding by LLL you'll find some wonderful information on nursing while pregnant that will support your midwifes information.

My mother-in-law has information like that too. What's helped for me is to say "Thank you for the information" and walk away. This way you're not agreeing with her, but your sending the clear message that she's not being helpfull. If that dosn't help you may want to have your dh talk to her. Have him explain that you need support and love right now and that information like that can be hurtfull.

I do hope your healing well. It's been so hot in most area's, please make sure your keeping yourself hydrated. Get the rest your body needs.

Your in my thoughts.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Well, I tend to be pretty confrontational.

Perhaps you should suggest to her that she share her knowledge with the medical community since they seem to be so ignorant as to think otherwise.

but like I said when God was handing out the diplomacy skill I must have been in the back of the line or soemthing cause I got shafted.


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## gamrgrl (Jul 9, 2002)

Well, that is just ridiculous! And WRONG!! I can't believe some people can be so hurtfull







Hang in there, you know it wasn't your fault.

Perhaps you should point out to your mil (if she is Christian, and Bible believing) the verse which states that "ALL my days were written in you book..." no one dies before God's appointed time, not even babies.


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## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

Oooh, I just lost my reply cuz of a pop-up I didn't mean to touch.

I had said that MILs comment surprised me because she is Christian, however she doesn't "embody" what I know of the Christian faith. Thanks for the bible quote gamrgrl, I'll have to try that on her.









Abimommy; Being that i am in about the "anger" stage of grieving it would not be out of character to make such a remark to her







- she is completely defensive and unnapproachable when she is right.

Ms. Mom; its always good to get a few points for the team. Thanks for reiterating (sp?) what I know in my heart to be true.

I'm taking good care of myself in our hot weather. Just finished pulling off the most stressful birthday party for my son - 30 ppl, all close family. I am hardly bleeding, but it comes and goes. I've picked up some Vit E, more red ras tea, hopefully we will be trying again in a little while. As if I haven't experienced enough loss, our dear sweet kitty ran away, we miss him so much!! - Aaarghh!!

What is the universe trying to tell me here?!?!

Peace out ladies!!! - N


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

I think things become amplified in times of deep greif.

Your doing everything right and moving through this as best as you can. You mentioned that your in the 'anger' stage of grief. I stayed there for a very long time. It's a hard stage, becaus we don't like to explore that dark side of ourselves. But, do take some time to explore your anger. Find out where it's coming from and try to answer the questions your anger is asking you.

Have you ever taken Yoga? I've found it to be a wonderful took in dealing with stress and greif. It brings you so close to your body and what it's limitations are. This may be another tool for you as you heal spiritualy and physically.

Gentle hugs.


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## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

Ms Mom

Just thinking about the roots of my anger...during difficult times in my life I have always had support and understanding from family and friends - this is one of those more difficult times and I have never been surrounded by so much criticism.
It seems so ironic, puzzling, and angering. While I realize that comments are often made out of ignorance by well meaning relatives, I just thought maybe people would be more understanding. I think for me this was a real let down, a disappointment. I am more than grateful for those few who said just the right thing, but still I have anger.
I have been critiscized for nursing my son too long, for being too skinny and unhealthy (i am 120lbs and have been for nearly 10 yrs - good genes too), my faith has been belittled, our fertlility questioned - crazy!! All of this without even a consideration for the beautiful healthy son that we brought into this world already.
I have never enjoyed criticism and my major flaw according to numerlogy is oversensitivity - lol, I guess this would be suitable learning!! I am learning too, but I was just angered by some of the careless comments about every aspect of the way we live, and who we are.

Its all coming clearer...one day at a time

Just found out some dear friends are expecting their first baby - felt that pang and an overwhealming desire to procreate!! hee hee

Thanks Ms Mom - you're an angel


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Familykiss, your so in touch with yourself and your body.

I've found my lifestyle and family values to be questioned too. It really hurts because I did so much deep soul searching when I wanted to have a child. I was judged because I used infertility drugs to conceive, didn't use drugs when giving birth, co-sleept, child lead weening, baby wearing - you get the picture!

I think it hurt most when I was most vulnerable. I do have to say though, as my children have grown and thoes around us see what wonderful children they are, they've let up. Yup, I'm the crazy, radical mom. But, now, I'm proud to be this person.

Continue caring for yourself. Let people know what you need from them. Tell them that you need some time to greive, be angry, cry and just be. I think most people don't know how to react to the loss of a child and they want to make you 'feel better' without understanding that you just need to 'feel'.

I hold you gently in my thoughts.


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