# Is 18mo just a really hard age?



## msiddiqi (Apr 28, 2005)

I have been lurking and sometimes posting on the GD boards quite a lot. I read a lot of books etc. It really makes sense to me, as well as TCC (so far, I just started looking into it).
But it's seems so hard to use any of that on DS. He's still preverbal besides a few words here and there. Most things I say to him seem to just go over his head. Distraction just doesn't work when he really wants something and he's REALLY strong willed, not to mention strong physically (or maybe I'm just weak







).
I find myself forcing him away from things, getting impatient, and grabbing stuff from him. I get so mad at myself, and he does too because he starts to do those things even more. Sometimes he looks for me in the apartment so he can show me he's doing the very thing I don't want him too.
DS is an amazingly sweet baby, but I'm finding myself really doing everything I never wanted to. I don't feel like playing with him anymore because I'm just so tired (not to mention the fact that he's nursing all night long now)
Please someone tell me it gets easier when you can communicate with them better. I worry too that what it going on right now is going to form some sort of basis to our relationship that I will not be able to undo.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Yes, 18m is a hard age. They're just going from "baby" to "toddler" and that can be as big an adjustment for the parents as for the child. Suddenly your child has "wants" that aren't "needs" and it can be tough to sort through them, or deal with the crying/tantrums when you say no- because not too long ago, crying meant your child had a "need" that had to be fulfilled. A newborns desire to nurse is a legitmate need. A toddlers desire to dump everything out of your purse in the middle of the grocery store is NOT a need! Nor is the desire to run around in the store, or play "blocks" with the canned goods!

Toddlers are a huge challenge and take lots of energy to care for. They need to be chased after a lot- more than any other age group (babies can't go anywhere and most older kids understand verbal directions to stay within a certain safe area and come back when called.)I don't think it's possible to avoid all tears and "toddler meltdowns." Nor is it possible to keep your own composure 100% of the time.

They're big enough to do more stuff but not big enough to truly understand what they're doing or why they're not allowed to do some of these things. As parents, it's our job to teach our children limits, and it's toddlers' jobs to test those limits!

It DOES get easier when they're a little bigger and more verbal. Not that big kids don't have their own challenges, but they're less physically exhausting.


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

DS is just 15 months but has already become well-acquainted with tantrums. For me, right now, GD means keeping in mind the fact that he's not doing it purposely to annoy me. I also do things like verbalize for him "Yes, I know you want to play with my cosmetics case but you can't because I need it now, you can have this instead." He still screams, but I do feel it shortens the duration. And at this age he still needs to be physically removed from situations (ie the toilet when he wants to keep opening it) or distracted (he wanted to play with my pearls, I put a cheap necklace into his hands instead).

I really liked the book "your one year old" by Louise Bates Ames, it's not GD but it tells you what is reasonable to expect. And knowing what I can work with and what he will more or less grow out of was very helpful to me. In fact I'm planning a trip to the library tonight so I can re-read it.


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## babybun (Mar 22, 2006)

Is 18 months a really hard age?

Yes!










That's all I have to contribute. I'm right there with you (and a newborn too). The gap between comprehension and verbal ability is just really frustrating, I think, and is the root cause of much of my son's acting out IMO.

Let's just hope there's really no such thing as the terrible two's!


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## faithnj (Dec 19, 2004)

Yup. Turns out The "Terrible Two's" can actually start at 18 months!

On top of that, if your child isn't very verbal, imagine how frustrating it must be to be smart and know what you want, but not be able to do anything about it??? And no, you aren't imagining that he can't be distracted from what he wants...he has a good memory now, so you can shelve that technique in favor of either honoring the original impulse, or accepting you have to say no to some things. As for coming to get you to show you he's doing things you told him not to do? I went through that a while ago. I'm happy to say that stopped already. (The final straw was when she got OFF of the potty, laid on the floor with her butt up against the thing, and peed on the floor in front of me with a smile on her face! It was funny in retrospect....but that period of testing me was a humdinger.) I'd like to tell you that this "testing" period doesn't last for long-- but I've only had one child, so I can't be the definitive word on this. All I know is that it seemed to help that when my daughter tested me, that I became more consistant,
I mean ultra-consisant- than I had previously been. I saw it as she was asking a question about who I was, and how this world worked. I felt it was very important that she got answers. Guess she got what she was looking for out of the experience. Now that she isn't testing me every hour of the day, I find I can be easy-going again. Our relationship seems to have normalized again--- with the exception of her saying "I want, I want, I want" all day long! LOL! Now THAT'S a new issue for me. I think I'll post a question about it.

Faith


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## msiddiqi (Apr 28, 2005)

Ok, I need to post this on my fridge:

1. He's not trying to annoy me
2. It's just a phase
3. Either honor his impulse or set the limits consistently
4. It's fustrating for him to not be able to express himself

I know all these things, but its soooo easy to forget sometimes. Especially the fact that he's NOT trying to annoy me, because when he gets that smirk on his face every sense of logic I know inherently screams he is!
Thank you all for the reminders. I'm going to take a deep breathe now and get back to toddler chasing







:


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

To answer your title question - as a mother raising 3, 19 month old triplets -- and I can without a doubt say - YES!







:


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## RootBeerFloat (Nov 22, 2005)

We are just getting here ourselves, and all I can say is HOLY FARKING CRAP!


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## msiddiqi (Apr 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TripMom*
To answer your title question - as a mother raising 3, 19 month old triplets -- and I can without a doubt say - YES!







:

Oh my.... somehow I feel a lot better about raising my one. In lieu of Wayne's World, I must say.... I'm not worthy.


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## msiddiqi (Apr 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ally'smom*
We are just getting here ourselves, and all I can say is HOLY FARKING CRAP!

HAHA! Yep, that sums up this thread


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## Ozzy'sMama (Mar 10, 2006)

I'm not sure if it's 18 months that is so difficult or the fact that he's not quite verbal yet. I found that once Oscar had more words, things calmed down a ton. He's 21 months now and things are still tough, but for different reasons now. He can understand much of what I am asking him. We can communicate soooo much better.

I really think that every age can be tough. Toddlers are tough. I feel like I can never catch my breath!! I think in a couple months you may see a bit of a difference though. I really believe once babe is a little bit more verbal, things will ease up a bit.

Good luck

Sara & Oscar (04/11/26)


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