# Stillbirth, stress and how my body reacted



## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Well, it has been one month. I have been dealing with Calliope's stillbirth and in the process of dealing my body has done some strange things. I did some searches at MDC and online trying to find out what was going on but couldn't really find anything. I would be interested if others have had similar experiences. And also someone might be going through the same thing and I can ease their mind that they aren't weird, they're normal.

After Calliope was born I had an appointment for a one week check-up with the wonderful doctor who delivered Calliope (she was very comforting and helpful during her birth). I was a bit worried because I noticed that my pulse was extremely low for me, 45 to be exact (my norm is 70), and I was still swollen in my ankles but only on the right side. Well, I went in for the appt and they found that my blood pressure was very high, 150/100. I had also had a crick in my neck which accelerated severely that same day. I was in so much pain from my neck I couldn't even lay down to sleep that night. Needless to say that all of these things REALLY worried me. Since I already felt like my body had failed me these symptoms on top of the situation pushed me close to the edge and made everything a LOT worse. I didn't know what was happening with my body, I was in pain from my neck, worried about my health and generally felt like dying.

After the stress of Calliope's death I think I silently worked myself up causing my neck problem and the blood pressure because they ran blood tests and found nothing to cause the hbp. The neck pain was deemed muscular. The doctor checked the swelling and didn't see any evidence of a clot so nothing to worry about there. The low pulse and swelling went away about 9 days after her birth when I found myself losing a LOT of water weight. I'm not sure why the water weight seemed to correlate with the low pulse. Maybe that was stress-related as well. I don't see how a higher blood volume and the birth would cause my heart to beat slower. Maybe it was compensation for the hbp? I really have no idea.

Anyway, my body has since returned to a more normal state (normal bp, normal pulse, no neck pain or swelling), my stress levels are lower and I have been feeling great physically. I think I just want to give someone else the reassurance I needed weeks ago that their body is not failing them. Extreme stress and a body's reaction to birth do not mix well but your body changes will go back to your normal eventually.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

hello, and I'm sorry for your loss. I had experienced anovulation for about10 months after havng my daughter. Probably due to stress. My hormones were all over the place, I was depressed, gaining ALOT of weight. I actually had to be on xanax, zoloft, and ambien for a few months.
Now a little over a yr later, everythng is fine, and we are all doing well. med free.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momz3* 
hello, and I'm sorry for your loss. I had experienced anovulation for about10 months after havng my daughter. Probably due to stress. My hormones were all over the place, I was depressed, gaining ALOT of weight. I actually had to be on xanax, zoloft, and ambien for a few months.
Now a little over a yr later, everythng is fine, and we are all doing well. med free.

Is anovulation where you menstruate but do not ovulate? I have heard of amenoration but not that, I didn't even know it was possible.

After Calliope's birth the doctor asked about anti-depressants and I told her I didn't need them and did not like to take a lot of pills. Well, when I started to have so many problems and the stress kept building I reconsidered. So I filled the prescription she gave me and the little bottle is sitting in my medicine chest unused. I reconsidered because I have another little girl to think about and I wanted to be prepared just in case. I tend to internalize my grief and I don't want a day to come where everything catches up to me.

Nowadays I don't really feel like I trust my body anymore and I worry about more things going wrong. It amazes me how stress can affect my body in so many ways and then affect someone else in a completely different way. Thank you for sharing how your Alexis' birth affected you.


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## grumpalita (Jul 10, 2006)

i lost my daughter olive six months ago, and i was amazed at how the stress affected me as well. long story short, i contracted an infection at 41 weeks and had to go to the hospital, where i fell into septic shock and respiratory distress and had an emergency c-section. olive was unresponsive when she was born and passed 4 days later. i was in an induced coma until they took her off of life support, i was sortof pulled out just to hold her as she passed and then i was put back under. i stayed in the hospital for another five days and was released, and after that i had to have my c.section wound opened again and packed until it healed 8 weeks later. needless to say, i was very stressed out. she is my first child and this was my first hospital experience and it took us completely by surprise. my reaction to the stress of losing a baby and almost losing my life played with my mind and soul in ways i could not have imagined. i didnt know what to expect but i just sortof went with whatever i came up with to help me deal. i pumped breastmilk for a month until i just naturally dried up. i went in and out of creative spurts. i barely slept, my blood pressure went up and down. i had back pain, headaches, i lost a lot of hair, but im sure that was post pregnancy symptoms too. i felt like i was going through all of these things but i had nothing to show for it. i feel like i am just now starting to actually pull through, my body is calming down and has gone back to normal. i think the most valuable thing i gave myself was time, in that i allowed myself to take as long as i needed and let myself feel whatever i wanted to feel, because i totally deserve it. also, i take a b.complex and fish oil daily, as well as continue with my pre-natal vitamins. the stress of birth and the stress of death will take a toll on your body and you need to stay strong physically to help youself mentally. i wish you didnt have to go through what you did, i cant say anything more than that because i know really nothing anyone says makes much difference, but i hope knowing that someone else understands what you are feeling helps you even a tiny bit.
take care.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *apecaut* 
Is anovulation where you menstruate but do not ovulate? I have heard of amenoration but not that, I didn't even know it was possible.

After Calliope's birth the doctor asked about anti-depressants and I told her I didn't need them and did not like to take a lot of pills. Well, when I started to have so many problems and the stress kept building I reconsidered. So I filled the prescription she gave me and the little bottle is sitting in my medicine chest unused. I reconsidered because I have another little girl to think about and I wanted to be prepared just in case. I tend to internalize my grief and I don't want a day to come where everything catches up to me.

Nowadays I don't really feel like I trust my body anymore and I worry about more things going wrong. It amazes me how stress can affect my body in so many ways and then affect someone else in a completely different way. Thank you for sharing how your Alexis' birth affected you.


Yes , I used to think "I'm menstruating, so I'm ovulating" But that is not always the case, ESPECIALLY if your cycles are irregular. I know how you feel about the meds. I actually waited (and I wish I wouldn't have) until this past March to get my meds. All that time past...because I thought I could handle it and I didn't want to "be on meds" so to speak. But they did me wonders and the xanax and ambien was on an as needed basis. Grieving is a natural part of life, especially when you suffer the loss of a child, but you know when it is taking over your life and causing you to not live normally as you would without the stress.

Grumpalita, I'm also sorry foryour loss as well. It saddens me to see so many mommies are without their babes







: But I'm glad you are ok. I had a uterine rupture and could have had internal bleeding and bled to death.
I'm glad to see you taking care of yourself
you guys are in my thoughts


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grumpalita* 
i lost my daughter olive six months ago, and i was amazed at how the stress affected me as well. long story short, i contracted an infection at 41 weeks and had to go to the hospital, where i fell into septic shock and respiratory distress and had an emergency c-section. olive was unresponsive when she was born and passed 4 days later. i was in an induced coma until they took her off of life support, i was sortof pulled out just to hold her as she passed and then i was put back under. i stayed in the hospital for another five days and was released, and after that i had to have my c.section wound opened again and packed until it healed 8 weeks later. needless to say, i was very stressed out. she is my first child and this was my first hospital experience and it took us completely by surprise. my reaction to the stress of losing a baby and almost losing my life played with my mind and soul in ways i could not have imagined. i didnt know what to expect but i just sortof went with whatever i came up with to help me deal. i pumped breastmilk for a month until i just naturally dried up. i went in and out of creative spurts. i barely slept, my blood pressure went up and down. i had back pain, headaches, i lost a lot of hair, but im sure that was post pregnancy symptoms too. i felt like i was going through all of these things but i had nothing to show for it. i feel like i am just now starting to actually pull through, my body is calming down and has gone back to normal. i think the most valuable thing i gave myself was time, in that i allowed myself to take as long as i needed and let myself feel whatever i wanted to feel, because i totally deserve it. also, i take a b.complex and fish oil daily, as well as continue with my pre-natal vitamins. the stress of birth and the stress of death will take a toll on your body and you need to stay strong physically to help youself mentally. i wish you didnt have to go through what you did, i cant say anything more than that because i know really nothing anyone says makes much difference, but i hope knowing that someone else understands what you are feeling helps you even a tiny bit.
take care.

I wish I could give you a big hug.







So many moms losing their babies, it just makes me cry all over again. Thank you for sharing about your daughter Olive and your experience, especially in your very first post.

Sometimes it is hard to separate the postpartum symptoms and the stress-related symptoms. I understand what you are saying about the creative spurts too. The past few weeks have been nothing but constant knitting and crocheting. It is like I crave that feeling of accomplishing a finished project, maybe because I never got that feeling from Calliope's birth? I think I will be done with my holiday projects in about a month if I keep going at my present rate. But it really does help with the stress. As my hands move I can feel my body slowly release all of that pent up "stuff" and my muscles start to relax. Most times I even cry. I feel like this is the only way to keep my neck and back from going out from all the clenched muscles, massaging just didn't work and seemed to make it worse at first.


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

It's ok to have those thought but KNOW also that they mean nothing. In my case I just too a preg test and came back "undifined" [faint line it's seriously undecided.]

It had me feeling all over again of what could I have possibly done wrong with Las' pregnancy and birth.

Your body is not failing you, it's still healing. Give it some more time.


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

I wantd to say first of all, how sorry I am for all of you. I had my own list of symptoms, primarily related to sleeping and flashbacks, and my hair got much thinger almost overnight (similar to PP hairloss, but it continued). Periods are also crampier, even almost 5 years later. After the SIDS death of my friend's baby, half of her pubic hair turned grey, amongst other symptoms.

But apecaut, I did want to mention to you that you PP symptom at 1 week really, really sound like preeclampsia to me. I had early onset, severe PE that resulted in an emergency CS of the oldest at 30w, and I developed it againg around the time of my daughter death in utero, although that was due to a cord injury. Post partum PE can be very serious, inpart because it can be easily missed but also becasue it can progress so quickly unnoticed. At one month, PP, you should be fine even if you had it most likely. But it would be worth asking about at your next visit, as any future pg should be more colesly monitored.

I hope your heart continues to work through it's grief. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *queencarr* 
I wantd to say first of all, how sorry I am for all of you. I had my own list of symptoms, primarily related to sleeping and flashbacks, and my hair got much thinger almost overnight (similar to PP hairloss, but it continued). Periods are also crampier, even almost 5 years later. After the SIDS death of her baby, half of her pubic hair turned grey, amongst others.

But apecaut, I did want to mention to you that you PP symptom at 1 week really, really sound like preeclampsia to me. I had early onset, severe PE that resulted in an emergency CS of the oldest at 30w, and I developed it againg around the time of my daughter death in utero, although that was due to a cord injury. Post partum PE can be very serious, inpart because it can be easily missed but also becasue it can progress so quickly unnoticed. At one month, PP, you should be fine even if you had it most likely. But it would be worth asking about at your next visit, as any future pg should be more colesly monitored.

I hope your heart continues to work through it's grief. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

My doctor wanted to do blood tests at my one week appt after her birth because she was worried about preeclampsia. The blood tests didn't show anything out of the ordinary and my pee in the cup was fine too. Was one week postpartum too late to catch it with the blood tests? I had also had an appt 3 days before we found out she had no heartbeat and everything was fine then too. It just makes me feel really crappy that if she had come on her due date I would be holding a little girl right now. My next pregnancy I am going to be overly cautious about everything. This pregnancy I was so adament about no internal exams toward the end. My next might be an induction because I'm not sure I can handle losing another little one.


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

Yes, blood and urine test can be back to normal within one week PP when you have PE. With my







dd, my levels were all back to within normal limits by the time I was discharged, IIR. Actually, blood tests can be "normal" and you still have PE; if they are abnormal, they can indicate a more severe form of PE called HELLP syndrome. And depending on the urine test done--dipstick screen or 24 hour--that can even show "normal", too. Dipstick tests can be affected by how much or little water you drink, when the last time you went to bathroom was, etc. As a matter of fact, I dipsticked as negative on protein the morning of the day I was admitted with severe PE. They started a 24 hour urine immediately, and I was dangerously high. The neck/shoulder pain is a symptom, too.
After having PE the first time, I was more cautious in some ways and did less testing in others in my second pg. After losing dd, I would be extreme watching for PE, for my own sanity. DD's death was a random, unrelated fluke that could not have been prevented, but that wouldn't keep me from being obsessive about risks that I could monitor for. For me, however, pg is AMA at this point because I get PE so early and so severe. And the plan, if I were to get pg accidentally, would be to do steroid shots automatically as soon as they are effective and induce no later than 36w (probably closer to 34w, if the shot matured the babies lungs sufficiently, if I even made it that far). I too wonder what if...what if I had gone in when I felt off during the days before she died, what if I had developed PE earlier, since ironically the earlier delivery that I was trying avoid would have saved her life? But the truth is, that I could not have known, and it was not preventable. I know it won't help to say this, but try not to beat yourself up over what if's. But the truth of the matter is, you made the best decisions at the time with the information you had. In future pg, do what you have to do to feel comfortable, regardless of what others might tell you is the right choice.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Wow, it is kind of weird to think that this could have been PE and they don't really have a reliable way of detecting it. And it looks like there is no preventing PE, if you are going to have it that is just it. What a crap shoot life is. I'm very accepting of how my life flows and I've never regretted anything that has ever happened to me, not even Calliope's death. All my experiences make me who I am and I like who I am. But it is all still a little scary to think about.

Do many women who have had PE go on to have it with subsequent pregnancies? And since Calliope's death occured at 40 weeks, 3 days does that mean that I would be okay inducing a little early for any subsequent pregnancies? It seems so awful when you talk about how all their blood and urine tests are not very reliable. How are you to know?

I am going to have SO many questions at my 6 week PP appt next week.

Oh, and I had no idea that the neck/shoulder pain could have been a symptom. I've always had problems with my back going out on me during stressful times so it could have been anything.... That is very interesting.


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