# Someone asked me if I spanked my baby!!



## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

I went to a play group with my 7 month old son yesterday. While we were there he was playing and having a really good time. Then he started pulling my hair and laughing. I always just take my hair out of his hands and hand him a toy. Well the lady next to me said "You should really get on him for that now, or it'll only get worse." I asked her what she meant and she said she STARTED SPANKING HER SON AT 3.5 MONTHS!!!







. Then they all started talking about how 7 months old was well old enough to start smacking his hands. I told them that we didnt believe in hitting in our family, and they said "its not hitting its spanking"







: Needless to say, I left. I feel like I'm never going to make any new mommy friends. Anyway, I just needed to share this with people that dont think I'm crazy.


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

That's horrible!







:

I think a good response might have been, "You are *disgusting*" then walked out the door.

I know some people will say you should stick around to be a positive role model. I disagree. By the time they watch you enough to know hitting isn't necessary your baby would have had to watch dozens of instances of babies and children being hurt by their parents.









~Nay


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Oh. That is just heartbreaking.


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## sarah0404 (May 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AntoninBeGonin* 
That's horrible!







:

I think a good response might have been, "You are *disgusting*" then walked out the door.

I know some people will say you should stick around to be a positive role model. I disagree. By the time they watch you enough to know hitting isn't necessary your baby would have had to watch dozens of instances of babies and children being hurt by their parents.









~Nay

Yes, I agree. Most of the time I don't say anything when people are doing things differently than I would. But sometimes, if I am shocked by something people do I will let them know. I think a "WHAT! Are you crazy? You HIT a BABY???" With a look of shock and horror on your face would be more effective. I think it would have forced her to explain herself and defend her position. The fact that someone was disgusted and shocked might make her question what she was doing. But then again it might not have. But surely it would have planted a little seed of doubt in her mind. Same with questions about breastfeeding. "Are you still breastfeeding? Your baby is too old for that!" Give them a look and say: Of course! Didn't you know you are supposed to breastfeed for two years minimum? It puts the shoe on the other foot, and makes them look like the crazy one. (instead of me for a change!)

I'm sorry that you are finding it hard to make friends. I was kicked out of a baby and toddler group when they found out my ds wasn't vaccinated. They were worried their babies would catch something from him.







: So I don't really have any friends in real life. I have loads of like minded online friends though. its just a shame they live so far away.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

Sorry you've had that trouble.

If it happens again maybe just ask them if their husband spanks them when they forget to turn off the hallway light or when they leave the ketchup bottle out on the table? Then ask, if spanking isn't hitting then what is it?

Miriam Websters defines spanking as "to strike especially on the buttocks with the open hand" and they define hitting as "to come into contact with something."

I just don't get it that people don't make the connection. I love mdc and that others feel the same way. I don't feel so alone out there!


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## falcon (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Aimee** 
she said she STARTED SPANKING HER SON AT 3.5 MONTHS!!!

OMG! I think if someone told me that, they would immediately know by the look on my face what I thought. It would be an involuntary reaction


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Thats horrible. I can overall ingnore the dummies who think my 4 year old should be spanked but a 7 month old let alone a 3.5 month old!! WTH? WHat is the world does a 3.5 year old do wrong??????? I wuld have flat out told them how utterly disgusting that was.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

i guess i would have had a hard time not saying something like "and are you saving for his therapy bill now too?" or just "wow, that's really abusive."

sometimes i just can't keep my mouth shut.

we left a few playgroups. now i have playdates with homeschooling/AP mommies i have met online.

i don't go to play groups at the Y or communities centers or places like that, they are too mainstream, and spanking is too accepted around here.


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## frenchie (Mar 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Aimee** 
"You should really get on him for that now, or it'll only get worse." I asked her what she meant and she said she STARTED SPANKING HER SON AT 3.5 MONTHS!!!







.























:


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## gargirl (Dec 30, 2006)

Sadly I used to belong to a religion that advocated spanking babies and children ... with no lower age limit. An elder's wife told me, by way of advising me how to raise my own child that when one of hers was 3 months old he "threw a temper tantrum" so she spanked him!!!

I later was nursing my son in a room attached to the ladies room and a young mother came in with her wailing 4 month old and went into a stall. I heard 3 distinct slaps and just about lost it... I was so shocked.

How utterly ridiculous to do such a thing. So many children being raised with this kind of violence, it breaks my heart.


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## gargirl (Dec 30, 2006)

Oh and Aimee? I don't know where you are, but we are vegan, co-sleepers etc and you can come hang out with us! *hugs*


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gargirl* 
Sadly I used to belong to a religion that advocated spanking babies and children ... with no lower age limit. An elder's wife told me, by way of advising me how to raise my own child that when one of hers was 3 months old he "threw a temper tantrum" so she spanked him!!!

I later was nursing my son in a room attached to the ladies room and a young mother came in with her wailing 4 month old and went into a stall. I heard 3 distinct slaps and just about lost it... I was so shocked.

How utterly ridiculous to do such a thing. So many children being raised with this kind of violence, it breaks my heart.

No no no my mind can't accept that. Just reading about some dumb b!tch *HITTING* a 4 month old makes me want to go apescat. I can't imagine my reaction if I'd've seen that IRL.








My daughter turns 4 months tomorrow. If anyone ever hurt her on purpose....ohhhhhh god help 'em.

~Nay


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Thats really rough, I am sorry you have to go through such social ignorance.

There is no reason to ever lay a violent hand on a child, or teen for that matter.

It promotes violence and gives us a world that condones violent actions on others.
You're not crazy and







.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

so unnecessary. if these people can't control their *infants* short of *hitting* them, whatever will they move on to once the babies get older and are desensitized to the hitting?
honestly, i am a first time mom, and i have to say that i am shocked to hear about such harshness on the part of some parents. i guess i'm thinking about these things for the first time, but how can that not be considered abuse (i.e., in the eyes of the law) to hit an infant (and similarily, how is it not considered abuse/neglect to lock a baby in a room to CIO)?
i think it's a good move to leave-- rather than waste your time with these people, maybe you will find some real friends.


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## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

Thats horrible! I can't believe she was spanking at 3.5 MONTHS!! And I can't believe she wasn't the only freak in the bunch, that they were all saying 7mo is old enough to smack hands! Wow. Poor babies. I admit I had never questioned spanking until I found this forum and I'm just now really rethinking discipline, but I would NEVER NEVER NEVER "spank" a baby!







:


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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

Oh, my goodness that is SO GROSS!!! I'm looking at my 5 month old right now imagining him being spanked/swatted/smacked whatever you want to call it. Can you imagine the distrust a baby must have after being hit? What must they think when they see their mommy's hand coming towards them?

Shannon


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## guestmama9915 (Jul 29, 2004)

Oh no... what the Z$% is wrong with our world? That makes me so sad.

I went to playgroups and had similar experiences, but not THAT bad. I never made any mommy friends.


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## jyurina (Mar 17, 2005)

Unfortunately there is actually a some groups that advocates this. It is sick and so wrong. My response to a similar comment from a random woman at the park who informed me that it was necessary to spank my year old son to show him who was "boss" was this-"Well as a preschool teacher I have not only learned more effective methods to parent, but I also was taught what constitutes abuse and I would never abuse my son" then i moved before the look of shock was replaced by indignant justification of her ridiculous stance.


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## Maple Leaf Mama (Jul 2, 2004)

This is so disturbing! And ya know what really bothers me? That there are so many parents out there that think this is the only way kids should be raised. They are as dogmatic in their beliefs as we are.
And what worries me is that in 12-14 years, my DD could be potentially dating these boys. This horrifies me.


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## Cassandra M. (Aug 3, 2003)

I have never heard of such a rediculous thing as spanking a small infant like that!!


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Aimee** 
I asked her what she meant and she said she STARTED SPANKING HER SON AT 3.5 MONTHS!!!







. Then they all started talking about how 7 months old was well old enough to start smacking his hands.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *gargirl* 
An elder's wife told me, by way of advising me how to raise my own child that when one of hers was 3 months old he "threw a temper tantrum" so she spanked him!!!

I later was nursing my son in a room attached to the ladies room and a young mother came in with her wailing 4 month old and went into a stall. I heard 3 distinct slaps and just about lost it... I was so shocked.

Along with being incredibly sad, I actually feel physically ill after reading about this kind of abuse. Not that it is ok at any age, but WTH could a 3 or 4 month do to warrant being spanked? I just don't understand why people who are this hostile towards babies would even want to have one in the first place.







:

To the OP, I'm glad you left. I don't even know what I would have done. I would have probably been pretty stunned and speechless. I am really sorry you are having trouble IRL finding some new mommy friends, but honeslty I'd rather be lonely than hang out with people like that. Hey, you always have like-minded mommy friends here.


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## mamus (Nov 30, 2006)

That's appalling. Really, I don't get how some people think that being bigger, stronger and older than someone so tiny and vulnerable makes it OK to physically hurt them.


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## mommacanary (Aug 26, 2006)

That makes me so sad







poor little babies!


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## Soundhunter (Dec 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maple Leaf Mama* 
This is so disturbing! And ya know what really bothers me? That there are so many parents out there that think this is the only way kids should be raised. They are as dogmatic in their beliefs as we are.
And what worries me is that in 12-14 years, my DD could be potentially dating these boys. This horrifies me.









Or reproducing with them...I cant imagine how I'd react if my grandchildren where treated like this by DD's choices in co-procreators


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## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

soundhunter/mapleleafmama ~ Don't give up hope on the co-procreators yet. My dh and I were both brought up with the "you spank a child" mentality... we're both (me more so, but dh is coming around) anti-spankers now. Ya plant the seed and see where it takes you... (if it wasn't for mothering.com, I'd still think spankings were just a part of childhood and necessary for good behaviour)

And... 3.5 MONTHS...that just makes me want to cry...


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## MomOfImandZee (Dec 20, 2006)

That is really sad -- I know some parents who spank their kids, and I think that even *they* would find that obscene!


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## SuperMama (Jan 22, 2007)




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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

Shocking. But then again...not so much. Since becoming a Mom I have learned so much about various parenting styles and while my first reaction was outrage (as in "You f*&#ing monster...you did WHAT to your BABY???"), I realize that there are just too many ignorant people in the world. Look at all the people who believe in the Pearle's philosophy of child-rearing.

I would have left too, but I probably would have expressed myself in no uncertain terms that I thought that hitting a child for any reason, and spanking is hitting, was disgusting and those women should be ashamed of themselves.

It's too bad you did not live here, we have a great playgroup full of crunchy mamas. I hope you are able to uncover some like-minded mamas in your area.


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## greenkids (Jul 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sarah0404* 
Yes, I agree. Most of the time I don't say anything when people are doing things differently than I would. But sometimes, if I am shocked by something people do I will let them know. I think a "WHAT! Are you crazy? You HIT a BABY???" With a look of shock and horror on your face would be more effective. I think it would have forced her to explain herself and defend her position. The fact that someone was disgusted and shocked might make her question what she was doing. But then again it might not have. But surely it would have planted a little seed of doubt in her mind.









:and/or...
I would have respectfully said, "I was raised in a spanking household & I & my sibblings have anger issues. I don't think it's a loving way to dicipline a CHILD and babies are just too little." I think people don't really think about it, they just do things the way they were raised.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gargirl* 
Sadly I used to belong to a religion that advocated spanking babies and children ... with no lower age limit. An elder's wife told me, by way of advising me how to raise my own child that when one of hers was 3 months old he "threw a temper tantrum" so she spanked him!!!

I later was nursing my son in a room attached to the ladies room and a young mother came in with her wailing 4 month old and went into a stall. I heard 3 distinct slaps and just about lost it... I was so shocked.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *maxwill129* 
Can you imagine the distrust a baby must have after being hit? What must they think when they see their mommy's hand coming towards them?

My brother is 10 years younger than me, I remember seeing him flinch when my parents would make certain moves around him. It never really accured to me why until I had a kid & she NEVER flinches when I move around her. No wonder I have trust issues! From very early on the people I was supposed to trust & rely on the most for safety/comfort were hitting me.


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## katallen (Jan 4, 2005)

I have never heard of anyone spanking a child that small even in the pro-spanking books. It is hard to find friends who don't spank, but there are a lot of people out there who at least keep their opinions to themselves and are more relaxed and realistic about what children do in play groups. My advice is to try to go to a smaller playgroup or invite a couple moms over with young kids and go from there. Or to forget about playgroups until your child is more at an age where he is interested in playing with other children and attend a group that interests you like a book group or a craft group if they are available in your area and let your husband have an hour or two to bond with the baby in his own way without feeling self concious.


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## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

Thank you for all the sweet responses. We had a little flooding incident so I just now checked back. But yes, I cried all the way home thinking about my baby being spanked, even though it will never happen. I think I *will* start my own playgroup! Great idea!


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## CherylDec&Jul (Dec 19, 2006)

I can't believe babies are getting spanked. I thought these must be really rare & isolated incidents y'all are mentioning. And then I was chatting with a very mainstream friend & I just casually asked - oh what do you think of the proposed law in California & do you plan on spanking dd (notice the word plan)?. . . she told me she has "popped" her dd a few times already. I was absolutely FLOORED. Her dd is 11 months old. Is spanking babies really that prevelant? I had no idea.









Luckily, I have yet to see it happen that young. (The youngest Ive seen a child spanked at a playdate has been 2.5)


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## gargirl (Dec 30, 2006)

In the case of the mother who spanked her 4 month old in a bathroom stall, she was "trying to teach her to sit still and be quiet during meetings." *barf*


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gargirl* 
In the case of the mother who spanked her 4 month old in a bathroom stall, she was "trying to teach her to sit still and be quiet during meetings." *barf*

If she got up during the meeting to hit her daughter, she obviously wasn't sitting still either. Hmm so if a 4 month old gets spanked for not sitting still what does the parent get who can't sit still? A punch in the face perhaps?









~Nay


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## mariamaroo (Aug 15, 2004)

I don't know if you know that mother's name, but I would suggest calling DSS or CPS or whatever the agency is in your area that deals with child abuse, because that certainly IS abuse! And if the [arcane, sadistic, draconian] laws do not define it as abuse, it is still a good idea to call and report it as such in order to help change those laws. If you are really motivated, you could also lobby legislators to write new abuse laws.

Generally those agencies are bound by law to investigate all reports of abuse, and it seems worth it to even create a slim chance of that baby being protected and/or the parents educated.


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## Cassandra M. (Aug 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mariamaroo* 
I don't know if you know that mother's name, but I would suggest calling DSS or CPS or whatever the agency is in your area that deals with child abuse, because that certainly IS abuse! And if the [arcane, sadistic, draconian] laws do not define it as abuse, it is still a good idea to call and report it as such in order to help change those laws. If you are really motivated, you could also lobby legislators to write new abuse laws.

Generally those agencies are bound by law to investigate all reports of abuse, and it seems worth it to even create a slim chance of that baby being protected and/or the parents educated.

From what I understand, there has to be some kind of proof of abuse in order for CPS to be able to do anything, though they might still investigate and question her.

ie. bruises or red marks


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Aimee,

That's why I pick up mom friends at AP playgroups and LLL. If you haven't been to your local LLL group, you can find them at www.lalecheleague.org


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

Heartbreaking. Simply heartbreaking.







:


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## mykidsmom776 (Jan 13, 2007)

Wow. I can't believe that people are spanking their children so young!! It's disturbing to say the least... and a religion that advocates spanking babies is appalling.

I am religious, and our leader actually has spoken out against spanking several times. He has said that there is never a reason at _anytime_ to raise your hand to a child.

DH & I were raised in pro-spanking households and are working hard to undo that programming. DH is having a little harder time coming around to the idea that spanking is not a disciplinary tool, I think he knows it logically, but in the moment, due to how he was raised, it seems the right thing to do. I should say that it's so rare when he does. (I'm so sorry to admit that to this board, but we are changing and working on it!!!). Even so, the idea of spanking a child as a baby has always been a disgusting thought.

Babies at 3.5 months old do NOT throw temper tantrums. Babies that young are not even capable of connecting actions, such as discipline, to what they've done. A baby that young who is upset is upset because they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable or in desperate need of affection. When a child cries or even screams at that age... they are asking for love!

And as I'm changing my ideas about discipline, I'm finding that much of that is true of my 6 & 8 year old children. I'm beginning to discover that even at that age (because they are healthy and emotional secure children) when they act out, it is because they are tired, hungry, uncomfortable or just plain need my love and attention.

Wow. I'm so sorry that you went through that!


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mykidsmom776* 
And as I'm changing my ideas about discipline, I'm finding that much of that is true of my 6 & 8 year old children. I'm beginning to discover that even at that age (because they are healthy and emotional secure children) when they act out, it is because they are tired, hungry, uncomfortable or just plain need my love and attention.



Exactly! Always remember HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. It helps you to pinpoint your kids' needs.

You and your Dh sound like great people. I'm glad to hear you're reworking your discipline tactics.









~Nay


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## AidansMommy1012 (Jan 9, 2006)

That is the saddest thing I hae ever heard. I can't even imagine sanking either of my kids, let alone my 6 mo old. It makes me just sick.

In regards to the mom who spanked her baby in the bathroom stall...I thikn I would have been hard pressed to keep at least an "oh my GOD" from slipping out. How absolutely appalling! Whenever stuff like that happens, I just want to grab the kid and run.


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## Papooses (Dec 20, 2006)

UGH







: In my best of sassy moments I might said that I call CPS on people like her







: I'm so sorry you were in such a situation







: Have you look for any API groups in your area? If there isn't one, you might start one yourself! (I did)


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## tikva18 (Dec 21, 2005)

That is just SICK. Sick. I can't imagine doing that to a baby. A baby. A baby. Sick. I would not have been able to withhold the look of shock on my face. I probably would not have been able to keep my mouth shut either. Why on earth would anyone do such a thing ????????

AntoninBeGonin - thank you for HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Very nice.


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## mrbeansmom (Jul 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gargirl* 
Sadly I used to belong to a religion that advocated spanking babies and children ... with no lower age limit. An elder's wife told me, by way of advising me how to raise my own child that when one of hers was 3 months old he "threw a temper tantrum" so she spanked him!!!

I later was nursing my son in a room attached to the ladies room and a young mother came in with her wailing 4 month old and went into a stall. I heard 3 distinct slaps and just about lost it... I was so shocked.

How utterly ridiculous to do such a thing. So many children being raised with this kind of violence, it breaks my heart.

I'm a foster mother and a mandated reporter. I would have called Social Services and turned that mom in on the spot........


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AntoninBeGonin* 
Exactly! Always remember HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. It helps you to pinpoint your kids' needs.

You and your Dh sound like great people. I'm glad to hear you're reworking your discipline tactics.









~Nay

My mom would regularly say "if someone's upset, I give them a glass of water, something warm to eat, cuddle them, and/or put them to bed. Well, okay, I don't do the last two with adults, but I'll at least lend a sympathetic ear and encourage them to get some rest."


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Not only is that crazy, it just seems so ineffective to me. I don't think I've ever known anyone who would try that, but I have known lots of infants, and it doesn't seem like they're really even getting cause and effect by that age. So why even bother? Why not just gently remove their hand like you're doing? They're so easily distractible. And a three or four month old? Why would you spank them when they're crying? Wouldn't that make it worse? Boggles my mind how people can get so out of touch with their natural instinctual need to comfort children!


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## Love_Cyber_Cat (Aug 14, 2006)

I have never ever heard of such terrible thing as spanking an infant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mind can not accept it!!!!!!!!!!


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## chefpaige1 (Jul 12, 2006)

How can those mothers overcome their protective instincts and actually hurt their own child?


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