# Eating "rules"



## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

What are the food rules in your house? I'd rather not start a huge debate and I know this issues becomes hot fast. I just was looking for an idea of how other families work in relation to food, if it's working for you and why you have it that way.

We seem to be having food issues at our house starting up again and am trying to figure out how to balance it.

Specifics as to dessert or sugar limitation would be helpful, too. I was raised where a meal was often a Snickers and a coke and was terribly unhealthy and wished we had "real" meals. I still like sugar but really fight with this even as an adult. Now my two youngest kids eat too much sugar to where that's almost all they will eat. Literally. And both are dreadfully and dangerously (one of them) underweight for what we can't figure out whether is a sugar addiction or allergies.


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## oaktreemama (Oct 12, 2010)

Three meals and two snacks every day. As close to the same time every day as possible.

Fruit and crackers available anytime.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

No complaining.

You have to try everything; you don't have to finish it.

If you don't like what's on the table, you can have an apple.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

I prepare foods when the kids say they're hungry and they usually get to choose what they want to eat. Sometimes I just prepare something and we all eat it. A lot of times I make separate meals. Some of us have food allergies and not everybody is restricted to no dairy/eggs so that is taken into account as well. There are limitless snacks here. We often get treat-type foods as well. I will usually make sure someone has eaten a meal before they get the treat-type stuff (rice ice cream, chips, cookies).

This works really well for our family. We have a five year old, a three year old, and a two month old.


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## momto4plus4 (Mar 18, 2010)

3 meals a day with limitless healthy snacks. Sugary snacks only After a meal. If you don't like it, too bad, unless I know it's something that is truelly not liked. But none of the "it doesn't look good" stuff here.

Maybe an idea for weaning your kids off the sugar and back to the healthy foods are to go slow and sub in organic sweets (organic m&ms, fruit snacks, etc) then sub in things like raisins, fruit with cool whip on top, until you're to a place where it's just fruit. We do a lot of dips. So, all fresh vegies get ranch dip. If they ask for ketchup, they get it, limited and we buy the kind without corn syrup, etc. They seem to enjoy dipping. And, I don't care if they dip broccoli in mustard (dd2 did) or whatever as long as it's healthy and getting them to eat the vegies & fruit! Another idea is smoothies and cutting fresh stuff into fun shapes. I have one of those cutters that makes the ridged edges on food. They like that here.


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## mommariffic (Mar 18, 2009)

We do three meals a day plus snacks as needed. DD is allowed smaller portions [obviously] but we try to have her eat a lot of fruits, whole foods etc. She's also allowed sweets and treats in moderation! We make a lot of our own treats [muffins, cupcakes] and so I know what's going in them..but I also don't say no if she wants a Kit Kat or something. She just can't have 10


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









edited to add that I agree with pathiu-no complaining! If you don't like something just say " no thank, I don't care for that" no gagging noises or rude comments. (even thought it was really hard for me when he chose to buy a halloween snoball the other day!)


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

I make the meals and other than that dd is welcome to eat as much raw fruits and vegetables as she wants. We barely eat any processed foods, and that includes candy, so it's not much in the house. When it is in the house, one treat a day is the "rule". Usually, I have "healthy fruit bars" (frozen pureed fruit, sometimes with cream or yogurt in them, usually not) on-hand and dd will have one of those every day for a "treat". We don't eat dessert, so that's not really an issue. If I have baked something (about once a month), it's not all usually eaten and ends up getting stale (and given the the neighbor dog). Dd just usually forgets that they're there and doesn't eat them after the first couple of days.

We raised dd here in the US and abroad and she has a wide range of tastes and is not picky at all. I don't have any problems with her eating too much sweets and not enough healthy, home-cooked food. We've had a few discussions about fueling our bodies. She's 8.


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## deditus (Feb 22, 2006)

http://www.ellynsatter.com/

We do 3 meals, 2 snacks, "healthy" dessert (fruit, homemade low sugar ice cream, dates, yogurt, ect). What is served is what there is to eat. I don't cater, but I consider everyone's tastes and try to have something that I know dd will eat. Dd can eat as much or as little as she wants as long as everyone else has what they want. We don't have things that aren't food in our home and that includes sugar, soda or junk food, we do have "treats" like fresh seasonal fruit, dates, nuts, rice pudding, fruit crisps, homemade ice cream and baked goods made with honey, stevia, or maple syrup, usually about 1/2 the amount that the recipe calls for. My dd is gluten, dairy, egg, and soy intolerant and she does very poorly if she eats things that aren't food with artificial colors or flavorings, MSG, preservatives, etc. I do not want to fight over them so we don't have them in the house.


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

We don't have any rules, we are just happy if they eat. Well, DD2 is really funny about food and has IBS etc and having had very strict parents who were horrible when it came to food, I developed food issues and don't want to do the same to the kids so I just make the whole thing as relaxed as possible, everyone gets input generally about what we have to eat, I vary the meals depending on who likes what and who doesn't. I think the only thing we do have rules about is sweets and thats it and its simply 'you can have 2 or 3 but thats it'.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









This describes us, as well.


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## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

3 meals and limitless healthy snacks (carrot sticks, pickles etc). Sweets are only on special occasions. You have to try everything on your plate before getting seconds of anything, but you don't have to eat everthing on your plate, just try it. If you don't like anything, you can have pb&j. We gave up the food battle after the oldest went through his picky phase, we realized quickly it was just a phase. Our 4 yr. old is going through a "no food touching" phase and so won't eat salads, but if we seperate his tomatoes from his lettuce, from his cucumbers etc. he'll eat each individual item even though 6 months ago he'd eat a salad. He is also refusing dressing because that constitutes "touching". LOL. It's funny to see the stages they go through.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

We don't have many rules other than dinner is what it is and you have to try it. No "gross, ew, yuck, I won't eat that" type comments.

Breakfast and lunch are up to them mostly. Same with snacks. We don't really limit any food other than out and out junk. Dinner I do cook but there's always something included that everyone likes.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

If you feed the dog, you're done.

If you throw food you're done.

You don't have to eat a full portion of everything, but you need to try at least one bite unless I know you don't like it.

If you don't eat dinner/lunch/whatever meal, fine. But when you are hungry I'm just reheating that or you're getting some thing grab and go (like and apple or piece of bread).

You can have one serving of junk food at a time. There is no way you're going to eat 6 pieces of cake in one sitting. (Although thsi has never come up, DD will reject cake for an apple which is completely weird to me b/c I could eat a whole cake in one sitting.)


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

One thing we do is limit the amount of sweet stuff that we bring into the house, and usually go with the "healthier" option (organic, fruit-sweetened, homemade, etc). We never have any candy, chocolate bars, soda, etc. (besides now, because of Halloween). That really cuts down on the "sweets battle". It's easier to say yes than no, and if the "worst" sweet you have in the house is dried fruit or fruit yogourt then it's not too hard to say yes.

Besides that I also try to bring snacks out at the first hint of hunger from either of the kids. I'll make a snack tray with veggies and dip, nuts, cheese, crackers, berries, etc for them to fill up on, instead of waiting till they get ravenous which makes them a) turn into monsters, and b) crave sugar like crazy (hey, I react the same way myself!).


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## physmom (Jun 15, 2009)

We don't bring sugar into the home at all. I don't eat any but will occasionally cook with natural sweeteners (agave nectar/real maple syrup/honey) but since I definitely don't have the energy to do that every day we don't have desserts everyday. We do make fruit smoothies often, though, when we want something quick and sweet.

Otherwise, we try to eat fairly healthy and DD rarely gets junk food options (ok, mac and cheese is one exception) but she seems happy with what we offer. We don't place an entire ban on junkfood away from home. We'll let her have a bite of sugar if we're out (but it would have to come from DH since I don't eat it). She's young, though, so it's still in the easy to control stage.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

All food is consumed at the table or in the back yard. With four kids, I need food mess to be contained to one area.

You eat the food you have before you get more food.

You don't have to clean your plate, but I don't want to talk at length about what you aren't going to eat and what you don't like. No complaining.

Good food must go into your stomach first before you can have treat food.

Your body needs protein. You must have some protein ever day. Similarly, you cannot eat only carbohydrates.

I do control snacks to some extent. This is for two reasons :
1. otherwise I would do nothing all day except prepare snacks.
2. our second DD is very thin, and she will use snacks to take the edge off her hunger and never really eat.

We tend to keep junk out of the house, and not worry about the odd crap food day outside the house.


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## seagull (Jun 29, 2005)

The only "rule" is that food stays in the kitchen or dining room. Water and special events like tree decorating snacks or holiday candy are exceptions.
The days tend to follow the same pattern, small self-serve snack like yogurt or cheese at 7 am with more breakfast at 9 am. Sometimes a mid morning snack but that isn't as critical now that my kids are 5 and 3. I usually offer fruit but if they ask for something else that is fine. Lunch is around noon and includes fruit and veg side dishes. Most days they eat breakfast and lunch really well. They both usually ask for a snack around 3. Most days those tend to be the packaged stuff like animal crackers, goldfish, etc. because my children are in afternoon preschool classes. While I am making dinner, I offer a "snack" to them that is usually part of dinner. Then we eat as a family around 6-6:30. I ask them to try a bite of each food, but doesn't always work for my dd. We just let it go. I do think she is more open to trying new foods at lunchtime.


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## ladymeag (Aug 11, 2005)

There's a great blog called Family Feeding Dynamics. I tend to not discuss our household practices, as I have a history of disordered eating and can be very defensive about our specific habits.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Here the kids kind of graze through out the day and we usually have breakfast and lunch.

Dinner time you have to try one bite of what's on your plate and if you don't like it you can leave it but Mama is off duty after dinner, so if you want something else to eat it will have to be something you can get yourself.

We don't really limit sugar. I don't buy biscuits etc. We don't keep fizzy drink in the house either. Sometimes if we stop at the shop on the way home I'll get a little bag of mixed lollies for them and I do buy the odd cake or pack of biscuits or chips for a treat but they're not regularly in our house.

Sometimes we have pudding, but usually we don't.

If there are sweet things there then the kids can eat as much as they like, when they like but once they're gone, they're gone.


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## SnowSparrow (Sep 1, 2010)

Our rules:
- If you finish the last of something, put it on the list (or tell someone who can write) and put the container where it belongs (in the sink or in the recycling).
- If something has a pink sticky on it, it means we're using it in a recipe and you're not to eat it.
- Don't take your siblings' stuff without asking.

That's it. We don't have food rules, basically, just courtesy things. All human beings (save those with actual disorders) instinctively know what their body needs, and will eat according to those needs given availability of variety. We wouldn't have survived as a species if we did not know these basic things, like every other species on earth does. Human beings do not naturally refuse vegetables (or fruit, or grains, or sugar for that matter, we need it all), just like we don't naturally refuse sleeping or moving. Those things have to be taught, and most peoples' problems with food (sleep, exercise) stem from being taught the wrong thing, usually with the best of intentions, but the lesson they learn is hatred and stubborn avoidance of things we are naturally programmed to do/consume. They're taught vegetables are negative because they're forced to eat it while in tears, and that sugar is SUPER valuable because of all the hoops they're made to jump through to get it, or how rare it is.
We don't want to teach those lessons. All food is fair game in our house. We let their bodies guide them, not arbitrary rules and neuroses or a preconceived notion of what family meals are supposed to be like. None of them have food issues, all eat a wide variety.

Family meals in our house look something like this: Usually a few (and not the same few, it's revolving), but sometimes all of the kids or sometimes none of them, eat with mum and dad. The others might wander in and eat at their leisure, take it off somewhere else, ask for/make something entirely different, or eat later when they're hungry. What doesn't get eaten goes into the fridge for leftovers until lunch the next day, at which point it's dog or pig food.
Family meals are happy, full of laughter and craziness, and peaceful. No kids cry as they're forced to eat _just one bite_ (or worse, a whole serving) of something that triggers their gag reflex, no parents yell. No one makes forced smalltalk about their day or stares out the window because they have to sit somewhere they don't want to be just to eat.
I can't think of a better family meal.

Everyone eats. Everyone eats well and appropriately for what their body tells them it needs. Everyone is happy and healthy. And not one of them will grow up remembering family dinners as a source of anxiety, dread, tension or sadness.
Mission accomplished.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittywitty* 
What are the food rules in your house? I'd rather not start a huge debate and I know this issues becomes hot fast. I just was looking for an idea of how other families work in relation to food, if it's working for you and why you have it that way.

We seem to be having food issues at our house starting up again and am trying to figure out how to balance it.

Specifics as to dessert or sugar limitation would be helpful, too. I was raised where a meal was often a Snickers and a coke and was terribly unhealthy and wished we had "real" meals. I still like sugar but really fight with this even as an adult. Now my two youngest kids eat too much sugar to where that's almost all they will eat. Literally. And both are dreadfully and dangerously (one of them) underweight for what we can't figure out whether is a sugar addiction or allergies.

#1 If you don't finish your food, put away the leftovers and the next time you're hungry, at least eat part of it along with whatever else you feel like eating.

#2 No sugar first thing in the morning. Sweets and treats are after a meal, not before.

#3 No eating or drinking in bedroom, bathroom, or hallway. All food stays in kitchen/dining/living room where the linoleum is.

#4 If you make a food mess, clean up.

#5 Once dinner has been served, I'm done cooking and if you're still hungry, eat the leftovers or something else you can grab by yourself that requires no cooking.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Three healthy, home-cooked meals per/day plus healthy snacks.

Dessert on Fridays.

Eat at the table or (snacks) outside.

If you don't like what I'm cooking, you can have bread and hummus. Either eat the food or don't, but don't talk about it (unless it's too compliment the chef).

Cereal every other morning. Oatmeal every other morning. French toast Sunday morning.


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## _ktg_ (Jul 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Learning_Mum* 
Here the kids kind of graze through out the day and we usually have breakfast and lunch.

Dinner time you have to try one bite of what's on your plate and if you don't like it you can leave it but Mama is off duty after dinner, so if you want something else to eat it will have to be something you can get yourself.

We don't really limit sugar. I don't buy biscuits etc. We don't keep fizzy drink in the house either. Sometimes if we stop at the shop on the way home I'll get a little bag of mixed lollies for them and I do buy the odd cake or pack of biscuits or chips for a treat but they're not regularly in our house.

This is us, and typically we have 1 bedtime snack which is eating while we read stories - it varies from a graham cracker to carrots to apples w/pb.

No thank you bites are nice to encourage timid eaters, and if our kids are raising a big stink, it ends up being a very very very small bite they can take.

If we have any cookies - its usually nilla wafers and that's about it in the house.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









edited to add that I agree with pathiu-no complaining! If you don't like something just say " no thank, I don't care for that" no gagging noises or rude comments. (even thought it was really hard for me when he chose to buy a halloween snoball the other day!)

Mostly this.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

3 meals and an after school snack. eat at the table. No whining. if there is dessert (rarely) you had to make a good effort at your meal. We have a one serving of bread rule because kids are total carb addicts and would eat that to the exclusion of everything else. You have to eat everything before have seconds. The only thing you may skip entirely is meat but we rarely eat meat.


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## Lucy Alden (Jun 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









edited to add that I agree with pathiu-no complaining! If you don't like something just say " no thank, I don't care for that" no gagging noises or rude comments. (even thought it was really hard for me when he chose to buy a halloween snoball the other day!)

This is also how we operate.


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## SilverLace (Jul 22, 2010)

We have the same values for our kids when it comes to eating... but sometimes they have be parented differently when it comes to eating.

When DD was little there was no exposure to sweets/processed food so she had no idea and grew up not caring about it. Since about 3 I've been pretty relaxed (I think) and we rarely have that stuff at home and when she wants it she can have it. It helps that her dad and school have similar approaches.

My DSS was raised on processed foods and with treats as rewards. My exposure to what it has done to him makes me think it's a really bad method. When he moved into our home the would apples and carrots.... that was the only fresh thing. He refused all whole grains, the majority of fruits and veggies... he was barely surviving on wheat and cheese. He has some other issues complicating his eating, but it was mostly the early eating habits. So, with him we had to be much clearer and firmer (where with DD it could be a conversation). It has taken three years to teach him to eat a meal that is served without complaining and in less than 60-90 minutes.

For those who think we've been creating a negative experience of food with him- we have done these things with GD, lots of patience, and explaining. I agree with the pp who spoke to the innate knowing about foods, however, that system can be overridden early in life (which is what happen to DSS), and when it does it is a lot of work to try to reset it.

In general:
stock what we are OK with everyone eating
kids can self serve fruit or other things of they ask
most meals have a protein and something fresh
no complaining
we talk about good eating (nutrition, ecology etc) at meals
treats are occasional, and not a reward for eating well
we are relaxed about holidays and when at someone elses house

My DD is 9 and she makes dinner for the family one night a week- we started that this school year and it has been a really enjoyable time for teaching and spending time together.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Hmm. We haven't had many big food issues. I'm often amazed by how well DD eats - she happily chows down on spinach and things, which I've only recently gotten _myself_ to like. But, insofar as we have rules, they're along these lines:

"X more bites or no dessert" if she's balking at food - usually it's not because she dislikes it, but because she's distracted if we're watching a movie while we eat (yes, we do that...). She complies with this pretty happily.

We don't often have juice (except she sometimes has prune juice for, ah, medicinal reasons) - but if we have juice or if she shares my morning sickness ginger beer, I water hers down a bit. I do draw the line at Coke, and other soft drinks 99% of the time. Not sure why I consider Coke _more_ evil than, say, Sprite, but I do. So there.









We limit chips (crisps), chocolate and sweets, because she'd eat them all day if she were allowed. She does sometimes get a chocolate as a reward for going to the potty or whatever. DH is a chocolate FIEND, so I don't feel it's fair to make it a complete no-no for DD.

No food after she's brushed her teeth. Which would be obvious, but you know how tooth-brushing usually makes people _not_ want food, because it'll taste all minty and gross? Yeah, well, for DD it works like an appetiser. She'll trot out of the bathroom at night and be all "Right, now, what can I eat?". Very odd.

Other than that, nothing springs to mind! She's allowed snacks pretty much at will (or at Mother's ability and inclination to heave herself off the couch and get them) - usually cheese, sometimes Vegemite off a spoon (another morning sickness habit of mine she picked up!), and occasionally if she's "wery _wery_ hungry" I'll fry her an eggy. In fact, being pregnant, I'll fry two and join her.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









edited to add that I agree with pathiu-no complaining! If you don't like something just say " no thank, I don't care for that" no gagging noises or rude comments. (even thought it was really hard for me when he chose to buy a halloween snoball the other day!)

This pretty much covers it. I make meals and if my son doesn't want them (after a taste, although if he really resists I say "I wish you had" and move on) he is welcome to have one of 2-3 boring alternatives (PB&J, leftovers, cheese and toast). I also discourage (not forbid) snacks right before meals.

I did want to say that we do a few things to add to the "food culture" in our family though:

- we cook together often; I would say it averages out to about once a day although it's more intensive on weekends
- I meal plan, then run the plan past my son and husband, and my son chooses one of the meals a week, so it's collaborative
- we do a CSA for veggies in the summer and meat & eggs/root veggies in the winter, and the arrival of that box is treated like Christmas every week/month and we learn about the veggies and stuff together
- we have fun/theme meals sometimes - fancy meals to practice etiquette, minor holiday type stuff (corned beef for St. Patrick's Day - the one time a year we make it)
- we have "picnics" sometimes downstairs eating on the couch as a way to shake it up (otherwise we eat at the table); sometimes that meal is sort of tapas-based whwere we bring in different cheeses and breads and olives and veggies and stuff, and my husband and I make a show of trying things
- as stated above we don't bring in a lot of junk....although I do find it is starting to bring itself, esp. since we are entering the High Eating Holidays. We don't banish it outright either

Also after reading Mindless Eating I've used a few tricks - fruit and vegetables are stored front and centre. We have fun names for some dishes like "bloody salad" for Halloween (beets). We serve from the stove, but plunk the salad/raw veggies/veggies on the table for easy access for seconds.

I'm pretty happy with the results so far. We still do have occasional asks for candy, "a meal with a toy" and so on, but I feel comfortable that I can make a decision either way...I can say no and it will be fine, or now and then I can say yes and in the context of our healthy diet it won't set a bad tone or anything like that.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

My primary rules for ds1 (almost 3) right now are 1. I offer two healthy choices and he can decide, OR 2. he can have an almond butter sandwich and peas in lieu of dinner.


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

baby doesn't get any processed foods to the best of my ability-- nothing from a factory and very little added fats and sugar.

Other than that, the other is that we don't force anyone to eat anything, and we don't makes comments on what other people eat. And we're vegetarian.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

I was anorexic when I was younger so I think *A LOT* about food rules etc.

Right now, we don't really have rules except 'no chocolate before bed' lol. DS is only 21 mos so things might change as he grows.

DH is always trying to get DS to 'wait until dinner' and I'm more inclined to let him eat whenever he's hungry, even if dinner is 20 minutes away. I am hypoglycemic & I got so sick when my parents made me wait until dinner. Also, we only keep food I want DS to eat in the house (aside from DH's coffee!) -- that includes everything from veggies to healthy desserts -- so I don't see the issue in letting him eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants. We are vegan & the house is mostly GF since I am gluten-free...

I do worry that my eating-disordered tendencies will somehow affect DS so I am hyper-conscious of things like this & always worried I'm doing everything wrong.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 

I do worry that my eating-disordered tendencies will somehow affect DS so I am hyper-conscious of things like this & always worried I'm doing everything wrong.

This is one of my concerns, as well. I do not have an eating disorder, but I have major food anxiety. I was very poor and often starved and went to bed hungry. I am very weird about wasting food and being ungrateful for food. My children are lucky they don't have to worry about this, but it causes me major issues when I see that they will refuse anything we've made and go hungry on purpose.

In theory, I also believe we innately know what to eat, but I also know that is influenced by outside sources-family, media, as well as personal variation. I have two very "good eaters" who make good choices. And two children who innately have never known how to make good choices and will always choose dessert and that's one of the causes of them being unhealthy and underweight-they won't eat in the hopes there will be dessert and when there's not dessert, they won't eat at all. I have a brother who is the same way and then 2 brothers who are fine eaters. We seem to be doing about the exact same thing most people are on here (I was worried we were somehow doing it "wrong" but our method seems to be the norm so it can't be that bad, right!), so I'm hoping maybe a sugar detox will help get the craving away from them so they get healthy.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

ds sometimes wakes up early and will get himself something to eat like a piece of fruit leather out the snack jar







. I make both kids breakfast which can be either some sort of cereal or a real breakfast of bacon, eggs, grits or pancakes, crepes etc.

Lunch is a little junkier but still ok....dinner is almost always a real meal exceot fo the occasional frozen pizza or something.

Breakfast and lunch I don't care about as much, because the nutritional mileage may vary (I'm not going to go bonkers if he doesn't finish a bowl of cheerios) but I make a huge effort to create delicious, nutritious, well balanced dinners, sometimes with homemade dessert too, so I or their dad serve the kids and the expectation is that the plate is cleaned. If ds really hates something after he's eaten a few bites we will let it go, but he cannot just get up when he feels like it because often he IS hungry but sjut wants to get up from the table so he can go back outside with his friends.

Oh and for junk food. I buy a 12-pack a month of coke for my SO. i don't drink it unless i'm drinking it with rum and neither do the kids, obviously. Our drinks in the house are juice, "juice soda" (with seltzer water), milk, and water. Chamomile tea at night. Instead of chips I buy rice cakes. Instead of fruit rollups I buy fruit leather and Annie's fruit bunnies. If we really want junk food that badly, I will go to 7-11 after the kids are asleep and get some doritos or something.

I prefer it this way because it eliminates struggles over junk food. worst case scenario, even if my ds DID eat an entire box of fruit leather, he wouldn't be sick from an overload of food coloring, HFCS and who knows what else. However I limit treats to 1 or 2 a day.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

Eat when hungry.No set 3 big meals a day.
I will make you something you like.No forcing my meals on you,but you are welcome to try it.
Something healthy before you ask for chips.
No eating past 8pm.
1-2 candy a day tops
If we have pop you can have 1 can

Dh is all into force feeding.I did it one time with ds and he vomited,so I told dh he can force feed if HE wants to deal with it.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

So what do you all do when you don't BUY the junk but it still gets to your house? My in-laws buy us, literally, like 6+ bags of junk food-doritos, crap cereal, gummies, cookies, etc. every time we see them which is at least once a month. We buy healthy with rare splurges like Newman-O's or we make cookies together since my youngest has a nut allergy and we like homemade things. But then we're sabotaged with a pantry full of junk continuously.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

Don't accept the junk. At the end of the visit graciously say "Oh no we couldn't possibly keep that! Please take it with you so the kids can have a snack when they visit you next."

The other option is to throw away the open stuff (yes wasteful) and then donate the unopened to a food shelter, pantry etc.

When we get food given to us we don't eat on a regular basis (like mass amounts of easter candy, or bags of chips when we have a neighborhood BBQ) I bring the opened bags to the office. It gets demolished and in minutes!









Our local nursing home loves to take unopened candy and cookies for the residents.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

We tell them not to and leave most of it, usually, but they put on the guilt. MIL is a shopping addict and we do throw a lot of it out or try to give it away. But she usually shows the kids first "Look- I got your favorite cereal/cookies/whatever!" and they get all excited since she now has them addicted to it and so we end up being the bad guys by throwing it out or not taking it.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittywitty* 
We tell them not to and leave most of it, usually, but they put on the guilt. MIL is a shopping addict and we do throw a lot of it out or try to give it away. But she usually shows the kids first "Look- I got your favorite cereal/cookies/whatever!" and they get all excited since she now has them addicted to it and so we end up being the bad guys by throwing it out or not taking it.

Well if they are already addicated it will be harder than if it had been nipped in the bud the first few times. Sometimes parents *have* to be the bad guys when it comes to something important to you that is not important to others. However the key is knowing whats worth the fight.

Not sure about your kids age but since my son was small we talked about "sometime" foods. My son loves, loves, loves those mini boxes of cereal-sugar pops, capn crunch, coco puffs, etc. My mom always bought them for him when we went to visit since to her it was less wasteful then buying a whole big box (of sugar







). He would carry them into her bedroom and they would have breakfast together. At 9 he still think of it as "Grammy's cereal". He know he only got it a Grammys. And when he was at Grammy's he could have it anytime he wanted. Because it wasn't off limits he never asked for it any other time.

I don't like imposing rules about food but how about limiting what they can have after MIL leaves? Can you tell your kids that each get one serving after they leave? i.e.: they can each have a bowl of the cereal in the AM, or 2 cookie after lunch or a small bowl of Doritos as a snack. Then toss the rest.

Personally I would just have a snack fest after MIL left and lets the kids have it. Have you read "How to get your kids to Eat...but not that much." The fascination will go way if you take away its power.

Then as parent you need to decide how to handle the IL's in the future. Can you just go to their house instead? Can you trade off visits so the junk binges are less frequent.

If you love everything else about how they grandparent and love the relationship in general than maybe this can be one of the small things won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Your kids might look back fondly years from now about how Gramma used to come loaded down with half the grocery store and they couldn't wait see what she brought. It used to drive mom crazy bit we would all sit around and laugh and play and eat still our stomachs hurt&#8230;

My mom died 2 years ago and our son still call those little boxes of cereal "Grammy's cereal". When we go back her home town we still buy then for breakfast. Small memories are somehow the most heart wrenching.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Well, first thing is that we are flexible. We have occasional days when we don't follow our normal patterns at all and we feel ok with that.

Mostly we have three meals a day with two snacks. I limit to two snacks a day or the little bugger would have me up every five minutes so she can have two bites. Drives me batty.







Her snacking is pretty benign though so I'm not worried about quality (cashews are the biggest fave and she is also into fruit).

Food has to stay on the linoleum.

If you get down from the table you are done.

No banging the tines of the fork on the table.

No flinging food.

If you ask for something you have to eat at least a few bites.

Sugary snacks in moderation, but sure you can have some.

Mostly my kid is an absurdly easy one to feed. She would live on fruit alone if we let her but the only veggies she dislikes are bell peppers and uncooked greens. She has a noticeable sweet tooth but she can eat half a serving of ice cream and say, "Enh, I'm done." I think we guide her a bit towards healthier foods but mostly we present options and she picks well. We talk a lot about how different food affect her body and she seems to pay a lot of attention. She'll talk about how she's getting cranky so she needs calories. And she knows that when she is having trouble controlling her feelings she shouldn't have sugar. It's really awesome to see.







I think she is far more in tune with her body than I am with mine.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittywitty* 
So what do you all do when you don't BUY the junk but it still gets to your house? My in-laws buy us, literally, like 6+ bags of junk food-doritos, crap cereal, gummies, cookies, etc. every time we see them which is at least once a month. We buy healthy with rare splurges like Newman-O's or we make cookies together since my youngest has a nut allergy and we like homemade things. But then we're sabotaged with a pantry full of junk continuously.

Don't accept it.

If it ends up at our house anyway, DH brings it to work & his co-workers gobble it up in 5 minutes (and I'm sure some would love to take a whole box of junk cereal home!)


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

A nutritious, well-rounded, protein-rich breakfast and lunch are far, far more important than dinner. Dinner should be the smallest meal of the day, not the biggest, if you are diurnal, anyway.


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## redvlagrl (Dec 2, 2009)

DD doesn't have to eat if she doesn't want to. I try to only provide foods that I would be happy with her eating many helping of.

If I want to offer cookies then I will break of a small bite, give that to her so that when she asks for more i can give her more, rather than her eating a whole cookei and then asking for more. That way she will get lots of seconds but only really eat one cookie.

If she's fizated on getting more cookie or whatever, then I will offer her something irresistible like frozen blueberries, yoghurt or a cheese string stick. She rarely refuses blueberries.


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## Smidge (Aug 29, 2007)

Nobody gets a special meal unless they're sick. You have to at least try everything. You don't have to finish your meal. The table is for eating, not playing.


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## pinksprklybarefoot (Jan 18, 2007)

I shoot for 90/10 - 90% healthy, nutritious food and 10% full of empty calories but fun food. I don't buy, say Doritos more than once every two months, but I will bring them home on occasion because DH and the kids *love* them. When I was growing up, there were things that my mom absolutely would never buy (Pop-Tarts, for example), so I try not to make anything forbidden.

Well, with one big exception: we are vegan. This is a moral/ethical issue, though, so I feel that it is different. I'm not forbidding it because I think that it is unhealthy, I am forbidding it because it is inedible. Just like our dog.

Other rules include, but are not limited to:

*I am not a short order cook. Dinner is dinner and that is all I am serving. If someone *really* does not care for something, I won't force it, but we make them try it because tastes change. Sometimes kids have to try things many times before they acquire a taste for it. This strategy has proven successful for us - the kids eat most things without complaint.

*If we are eating at the table as a family, everyone will hold hands while DH says our atheist version of grace.

*We try to have a "nice" dinner. Keep the fart noises to a minimum, please.

*I will only play "Pick it up, stupid" with the baby for a handful of times before the fork goes bye-bye.

*The dog is already looking pudgy from baby droppings, so anyone over the age of two had better not be purposefully feeding her.

*Snacks are usually available, but there is a cut-off point before before meals and a food free period after meals before it is available again. If someone is hungry five minutes after a meal, I will gladly give them another serving of something from the meal.

*Sweets and treats are after-meal things. And for some weird reason, after breakfast does not count. So right now, DS1 knows that he has to wait until after lunch to have a piece of Halloween candy. It is just my little thing.


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## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









edited to add that I agree with pathiu-no complaining! If you don't like something just say " no thank, I don't care for that" no gagging noises or rude comments. (even thought it was really hard for me when he chose to buy a halloween snoball the other day!)


This is pretty much us too.
I guess I'm pretty relaxed about it cause my son is generally a good eater.
Veggies are a semi-problem, but I get them in other ways (in meatloaf, spaghetti sauce, chicken casseroles, etc).

My only hard and fast rule is that he has to finish 3/4 of what's on his dinner plate before an after dinner sweet snack...and usually that's not a big-ish deal.
Most of what we buy is unprocessed anyhow, but we still do the occasional McD/Pizza Hut and ice cream.

Moderation and "middle of the road" compromise seems to keep food issues at bay for us.


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## LaughingHyena (May 4, 2004)

I try to be relaxed about what they are eating, but some days it's hard. Both children tend to have tempers which flare up when they are hungry. I find myself encouraging them to eat more often than I would like. However once they are in that downward spiral it seems the best way is to get them to eat.

We generally have 3 meals and a couple of snacks though if they ask for more that's fine too.

meals wise I try to cook one meal, though I generally keep the parts separate so the kids can eat the bits they like. Even one pot dishes I find I often serve theirs before adding the last couple of things for DH and I.

We aim to make trying new foods part of the routine, they see us doing it too. We also talk a lot about foods we liked/hated as children and how our tastes have changed. This seems to have helped with the yuk reactions to anything new.

I am pretty strict about where food gets eaten though, the food stays on the table in either the dinning room or the kitchen. The kids are welcome to leave a snack and come back to it later.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pinksprklybarefoot* 
so I try not to make anything forbidden.

Well, with one big exception: we are vegan. This is a moral/ethical issue, though, so I feel that it is different.

Actually, I disagree. It's not different. It doesn't matter what the reason is. If it's forbidden, it's forbidden. A young child isn't going to understand the ethical issues behind never getting to eat a McDonald's hamburger vs. not eating it because it's junk food from McDonald's and we just don't eat that kind of food. Both reasons are equally valid.


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

No junk until you eat real food. This rule is so beaten into them that all day Monday (after Halloween) dd came to me after every single thing she ate and asked if she could have candy. "I had two bowls of cereal, can I have candy?" "I ate an apple, can I have candy?" Lather rinse repeat with yogurt, her turkey sandwich, a carrot, dinner and a bedtime snack of cheese and crackers. She may have eaten better Monday than she does all year because she was looking for treats.

You don't have to eat what you don't like but you must A) try it again every 6 months (because taste buds change and a nibble won't kill you) B)never make a comment about how it's nasty, gross, smells funny or looks like garbage







C) appreciate the fact that mom takes a lot of pride in her cooking and be respectful of that. Eat until you are full, save large amounts of leftovers from your plate for later and D)the restaurant review is unnecessary if you start the sentence with "it was good but...."

No eating on the bed or couch. Only water outside of the dining room. The dog doesn't eat people food except for apples, carrots and popcorn (her favorite treats).


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









edited to add that I agree with pathiu-no complaining! If you don't like something just say " no thank, I don't care for that" no gagging noises or rude comments. (even thought it was really hard for me when he chose to buy a halloween snoball the other day!)

The above describes our family.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *deditus* 
http://www.ellynsatter.com/

I am so glad I read her Child of Mine before DS started solids.

I was raised in a family that force-fed children gross amounts of food. I am not joking, my mom would sit a plate in front of me so loaded with food, it would be sliding off onto the table and I had to sit there until it was finished. Some nights it would take me hours. Satter's book was life-changing for me.


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

The only "rule" I have for food is "no animal products are to be consumed at home," as we are vegan.

We typically have 3 meals a day with somewhat limitless healthy snacks available. (Dry cereal for finger snacking, Z-Bars and Larabars, fresh fruits and raw veggies, soy or coconut milk yogurts, applesauce, etc). We don't keep junkfood in the house but occasionally buy a pint of ice cream or cookies or something for a treat. DS is free to have some if he'd like.

We don't use food as rewards or bribes either.


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## Maiasaura (Aug 12, 2002)

Interesting thread! DS is 9, will be 10 in January.

Up till he was 4yo, we were vegetarian, and he would eat anything you put in front of him. He'd beg for Greek salad with balsamic vinaigrette at 7:30am, and I'd want to barf, but who's going to say no to a child asking for salad?









Then-- pretty much abruptly-- he got picky. WAY picky. I got really harsh with food and made him eat pretty much everything, but I'm a bit more relaxed about that, now. A bit









Quote:


Originally Posted by *momto4plus4* 
But none of the "it doesn't look good" stuff here.

This.
I started really early with a concept I call "ugly food". Once, in ds's preschool church class, they did a neat thing with pretend gifts. They showed a lovely, beautifully wrapped package, and an ugly dowdy-looking package. Asked the kids which would have the better gift inside. I forgot what was inside each, but it was a lesson in "things aren't always how they seem".
I extrapolated that to food. I have been telling ds for years that sometimes food is ugly, but tastes really good, and sometimes it's beautiful and yummy-looking, but isn't nearly as tasty as it looks. It worked, and it's true!
So he's very good about trying just about anything.

Plus, when he was that little, one of the road-trip games we played (still do, sometimes!) is "Gross Food". Who can come up with the grossest thing? Hair spaghetti with eyeballs. Worms with sauce. It's hilarious. We also do "My monster has...", as in "My monster had 3 eyes, a horn on its forehead, and blue fur". Usually the monster has at least 3 things. We like road-trip games









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
We don't have many rules other than dinner is what it is and you have to try it. No "gross, ew, yuck, I won't eat that" type comments.











DS has gotten rather snarky, in this department. I do allow things like SpaghettiOs (usually for breakfast, as he won't eat typical breakfast food) so at dinner he'll say "Can I have something _edible?"_ in a very snarky manner. Oh, I get so mad...but I haven't found a way to deal with that, yet, aside from trying really hard not to _show_ I'm angry.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Honey693* 
If you don't eat dinner/lunch/whatever meal, fine. But when you are hungry I'm just reheating that or you're getting some thing grab and go (like and apple or piece of bread).

Yep.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_ktg_* 
No thank you bites are nice to encourage timid eaters

What's a No thank you bite?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SilverLace* 
My DD is 9 and she makes dinner for the family one night a week- we started that this school year and it has been a really enjoyable time for teaching and spending time together.

My DS is 9. What kinds of things does she make? How do you foster this? I would like to see DS get more involved with food, but he's not really interested. He's timid about opening a can and heating it up, but he'll do it. Sometimes. And make his own microwave meals (which he gets every Tuesday/Thursday b/c we have precious little time after his martial arts class, so it's a treat and easier for me).
But I would love to see him start to make things. What kinds of things are good for us to start with, together?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
Our drinks in the house are juice, "juice soda" (with seltzer water), milk, and water.

We do this, too. With the exception of milk. But DS loves homemade "soda"!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittywitty* 
So what do you all do when you don't BUY the junk but it still gets to your house? My in-laws buy us, literally, like 6+ bags of junk food-doritos, crap cereal, gummies, cookies, etc. every time we see them which is at least once a month. We buy healthy with rare splurges like Newman-O's or we make cookies together since my youngest has a nut allergy and we like homemade things. But then we're sabotaged with a pantry full of junk continuously.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittywitty* 
We tell them not to and leave most of it, usually, but they put on the guilt. MIL is a shopping addict and we do throw a lot of it out or try to give it away. But she usually shows the kids first "Look- I got your favorite cereal/cookies/whatever!" and they get all excited since she now has them addicted to it and so we end up being the bad guys by throwing it out or not taking it.

I say have a major food fest while she's there, then put it all away when she leaves and tell the kids it's all gone. Which it would be. It'd be gone in the trunk of your car. Then you can donate it to the food pantry. I like the idea of "Grammy food"-- my ds also loves those little boxes of sugary cereal, and eats.it.up. at my mom's. No other time does he get them. And we don't even keep cereal in our house, because nobody eats it, including him-- but at Nana's? OMG you'd think it was edible spun gold









Quote:


Originally Posted by *pinksprklybarefoot* 
I don't buy, say Doritos more than once every two months, but I will bring them home on occasion because DH and the kids *love* them.

Here, too. I hate Doritos, but occasionally I will buy them for DS. Usually it's road-trip food. Same for commercial soda (fizzy drinks; I love that term! Might steal it!







)

Quote:

*Sweets and treats are after-meal things. And for some weird reason, after breakfast does not count. So right now, DS1 knows that he has to wait until after lunch to have a piece of Halloween candy. It is just my little thing.
I was like that till just days ago-- my man said "Why NOT in the morning? Get the sugar rush out early in the day; let him run it off, rather than after dinner" and I had to give pause. It really did make more sense







It's just my little thing, too, not to have sugar in the morning-- but I have to say, I might be changing my mind about that.

All that said-- my ds is on ADHD meds and no, I don't limit dietary things in order to manage it (except for food colors; I do try to limit those anyway, and HFCS, but that's for both of us, not just because of his ADHD). His meds make him WAY not hungry in the middle of the day, but his school makes me send lunch anyway







SO, I make him eat the lunch at 3pm when he gets home, if he hasn't eaten it at school. It's a huge dilemma because I am SO not about wasting food, money, time, and resources. Yet he's not hungry. Ugh.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

1-Treats (fast food, candy) are for Saturdays-ds will, if offered candy, will say "ok I will save this for Saturday" no questions asked.
he is allowed the occasional organic lollipop if he asks nicely for it.

2-I try and stock only healthy food....so snacking is allowed through the day as long as it is healthy (piece of fruit, hummus on pita, yogurt, etc)

3-try not to eat too late (if hungry at bed time then has to be something light light a glass of milk, or a small bowl of cereal with milk)

During the week I stock up on healthy snacks and we have healthy alternatives. We love Kettle Bakes (baked potato chips) even more than regular chips and will have them with cottage cheese as a yummy snack. I also always stock popadums as everyone loves them....prepared in the microwave with a mist of olive oil they are a very healthy crunchy snack.

DH and I are constantly battling our weight and don't want there to be any weight issues with DS. Fortunately we seem to be doing a good job of modelling as he is fit and trim and always asks for healthy snacks-broccoli, cottage cheese, hummus, apples lol


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Without reading the other posts, here is what I have done. We have 3 meals and 2-3 snacks. spaced about every 2-3 hours apart. Breakfast between 7-8, morning snack around 9-10, lunch 11-12, afternoon snack after nap time or around 3 pm, dinner around 6 pm. No food after 4 pm. If child slept through nap or for some reason wasn't around for afternoon snack, fruit would be offered before dinner. We don't have dessert as part of any meal except for holidays. The evening snack is available after 8 pm for those who's bedtime is after that. The only cookies in the house regularly is the oatmeal cookies that I bake for dh and Dylan"s lunches. Snack options will include quick breads, popcorn, tortilla chips and salsa, fruit, yogurt, smoothies, pb&j sandwiches, salads, raw veggies, cheese, chocolate milk.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
We don't have any real rules around food other than "it is the parents job to provide healthy meals and snacks and its the child job to eat or not as they see fit".

My own personal rule is not to bring into the house that I wouldn't "allow" my child to eat. Doing so means he can eat whatever he wants in the house. There are no off limit foods.

Another personal rule is not to sweat the small stuff when we are out and about. If he eats junk at a friends, buys a snowball (ugh!) with his own money or a relative takes him to McD's after the movie I don't freak out.

Food is so not worth the power struggle to me.









edited to add that I agree with pathiu-no complaining! If you don't like something just say " no thank, I don't care for that" no gagging noises or rude comments. (even thought it was really hard for me when he chose to buy a halloween snoball the other day!)

Should have read ahead and just parked my







here.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittywitty* 
So what do you all do when you don't BUY the junk but it still gets to your house? My in-laws buy us, literally, like 6+ bags of junk food-doritos, crap cereal, gummies, cookies, etc. every time we see them which is at least once a month. We buy healthy with rare splurges like Newman-O's or we make cookies together since my youngest has a nut allergy and we like homemade things. But then we're sabotaged with a pantry full of junk continuously.

If the package has already been opened, I leave it at grandma's house. Or throw away at home after the first day. If it's unopened, it gets given to the local food bank. And I steer grandma toward the more acceptable "snack" foods. She would take suggestions, especially if I tell her how much the grandkids liked them. But I never told her that I didn't want them in the house. It's much better to put the suggestions in a positive light.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittywitty* 
So what do you all do when you don't BUY the junk but it still gets to your house? My in-laws buy us, literally, like 6+ bags of junk food-doritos, crap cereal, gummies, cookies, etc. every time we see them which is at least once a month. We buy healthy with rare splurges like Newman-O's or we make cookies together since my youngest has a nut allergy and we like homemade things. But then we're sabotaged with a pantry full of junk continuously.

We have a couple "junk" cupboards....they are way up high...high enough that with even my little stepstool, I can't reach. They go up there for Saturdays in the future.


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## fuzzylogic (Nov 3, 2010)

If you don't like dinner, the next meal is breakfast.

Eat at the table.

If you drop it, you lose it---the dogs took care of that!

They had to stay at the table. Didn't have to eat, but couldn't whine about it. If you fussed and whined and carried on, you could eat it or wear it.....dumped on your head in the front yard. Actually quite a family joke, each kid wore their meal at least once. By the time it hit their head, it was ICE cold, smashed and mushed into oblivion, and we all felt much better afterwards.

If you didn't finish food---which they selected serving sizes!--you didn't get more food.....I told them I wasn't wasting it. So sorry, you aren't hungry enough to eat what you took.....


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

We usually do 2-3 meals a day. Lunch and or/breakfast might be something leftover from dinner the night before. Dinner we have as a family as often as possible, lunch often is as well.

No special meals for ds other than substituting non-allergy foods for things he cant have (putting vegan cheese on his portion for example)

If you dont think it looks good, take one 'no thank you bite' (often he ends up liking it!)

If you want seconds of something, you have to finish the veggies on your plate first. (often after this he isnt hungry anymore)

One sweet per day, after healthy food only. Often a honey stick, a small scoop of coconut milk ice cream, some baked apple, a homade cookie etc. Sometimes an organic lollypop (usually when traveling)

you must wear shorts or underpants at the table, no naked butts.

no getting up and down, if you are done, ask to be excused and entertain yourself until everyone else is done, or you can sit at the table with everyone, but no playing with food.

take plate to kitchen. He also often helps set the table for dinner, and gets his own water for all meals.

Snacks - he has a cupboard that holds all his dishes/utensils, and a basket of healthy snacks (dried fruit, nuts, etc), and an area of the fridge (leftovers, hard boiled egg, cut up fruit, vegan cheese, etc). He can help himself during the day. Usually when he is hungry its meal time though, he likes to snack when he see's other people eating, but otherwise doesnt usually.


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

3 meals a day. I make what I make, and you eat it or don't. There are no other options. Breakfast is usually cold cereal or frozen/leftover waffles/pancakes. Lunch is usually leftovers, sandwhiches, hotdogs or chicken nuggets or pizza or something else quite easy (unless I'm making lunch our big meal as DH is going to be at school/work for dinner...). Dinner is the 'big' meal of the day and varies hugely. DS1 never has to eat anything. But what I make is what I make. And I do. not. cater. Period. I do allow some input for certain meals (usually 'what do you want, X or Y?', usually for lunch). But... yeah. It works. Not always fantasticly, but it does work. :shrug


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I deleted my post because I didn't realize this was such an old thread.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *One_Girl*
> 
> I deleted my post because I didn't realize this was such an old thread.










its not that old a thread. it was just started 12 days ago. so please come back and post.

its just dd and me. dd is 8 so our eating habits are completely different than they were at say 3 or 4.

dd is usually a good eater and likes everything i make. or should i say i take her imput to make food. she is open to reason.

so sometimes like this morning she ate icecream for bfast. she hasnt had any in a month. but then seh had a big bowl full of veggie stew.

dd has the kind of personality where its doing lots of it at one time and then a rest for a while. so food issues truly have never been a problem for us.

lately though - her first phase of food issues. no veggies. but when i talk to her seh eats some - maybe twice a week.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

We eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. We have two snacks together.

You do not have to eat anything I prepare, but you may not have a special meal prepared for you.

You may have any condiments on your food you wish, within reason (if you can spoon it into your mouth, it's not a condiment, so put down the ketchup already, LOL).

Food is a gift and you must treat it with respect: no spitting, throwing, lazy dropping, playing, or mixing playing so that it's inedible as leftovers.

Food is something that was once alive, possibly seasoned with salt. (Milk and vegetable juices for sauces are halfway there, LOL!) We eat food at meals and snacks, not other things.

****

The following are not rules, per se, but I still use them as guiding principles:

We have fresh fruit or vegetables or nuts and dried fruits as appetizers, so the kids get more in that way. Serve the veggies and fruits first when no other food is available and they'll chow down.

If you don't like what's being served, there's always bread, homemade, whole-wheat sourdough bread, maybe even a nice homemade white bread or tasty rye, and fruit from the fruit basket.

Candy and sweets are a treat. It makes us feel good in the short term but it rots our teeth and makes us forget how to taste other things. So we shouldn't have it more than a couple of times a week. This is HARD because around here, candy RULES. There is candy everywhere. A candy-free day is hard to achieve *even when I do not buy candy for months*. I put DD1 on a no-candy diet for one month and I was saying no two or three times a day! I explained it was for her teeth.

Then came her birthday (she got a BAG of candy... seriously... who does that? LOL Our friends, I guess!) and Halloween. We are finally candy-free at home again.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

Eat real food before eating junk food. Junk food does not replace meals. If you do not eat meals then the less healthy food goes away.

If you ask for it, eat it.

Don't feed your food to the dogs.

Put food you can not finish in a baggie or container so you can finish it later. Eat it before getting other stuff.

You may choose 1 treat when we go grocery shopping- doesn't have to be healthy. If you choose to eat it all in one day then that is your business. You will have to wait 1 or 2 weeks until the next shopping trip.

No food in your bedroom or at the computer.

Fast food is a sometimes food. We will not eat it every day.

We do not have dessert every day. We do not buy a lot of candy, ice cream, cookies or pop on a regular basis.

We aren't strict about times we eat. Dd eats when she is hungry.

I don't have a sweet tooth. I'd rather have salt. Since I am the one making the shopping list the sugary laden foods don't make it on as much.


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

"Food is a gift and you must treat it with respect: no spitting, throwing, lazy dropping, playing, or mixing playing so that it's inedible as leftovers."

This, plus NO WHINING and GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE FRIDGE, ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT pretty much sums up our food rules. And if they could ever remember to close the fridge door, I might even let them graze in there. ;-)

Every other value I have around food is effortlessly enforced by just. not. buying. stuff I don't want to see being eaten! MIL brings over junk sometimes, but I can roll with that. As long as it's her treats and not my everyday grocery list, we do OK.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

My rules are different during the week vs. the weekend.

During the week-

Breakfast is served at 7am, is usually cereal unless Daddy is making himself eggs or oatmeal.

Lunch for dd (who goes to school) is 1/2 a sandwich, a piece of fruit or veggies, a cheese stick and a granola bar or chips if we have it. She's expected to eat them in that order so usually is having the cheese stick or granola bar/chips in the car on the way home. Lunch for ds1 is served between 11-12 usually and is whatever he feels like eating that I feel like making. He has a hard time eating fruit or veggies during lunch, so he gets them for snack instead.

Dinner is served around 6 and we all eat the same thing. Dessert is offered very rarely and is contingent on you eating at least a good amount of the main meal.

During the weekend-

Breakfast is whatever dh and I feel like making. We let the kids have more input on Saturday (Sunday we have church at 10 so we all need to have eaten by 8) and if dh is in charge, he usually gets their help making it.

Lunch is whatever mommy feels like making 

Dinner is the same as during the week.

Snacks are either a fruit or veggie until you've had at least one of each. Then you might be able to talk me in to something else (chips, granola bar.) Candy is rarely in the house (at least not kid candy, mom has her own stash and they know I don't share!) And when it is (like now after Halloween), we let them have it here and there. Ds1 tends to ask first thing after we get home from school drop off, and I let him have 1 piece.


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## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

We're fairly laid back about food (we both grew up in open-kitchen families). We don't eat at set times, although we do eat 3 meals and a couple snacks per day, rather than just totally open grazing all day long, which would wear me out. We do have a few rules though:

1) Real food before treats. Sometimes this just means, "Eat two baby carrots before you get your ice cream."

2) No sugary stuff after 5 pm- we used to be laid back about this but we discovered that they both stay up too late if allowed to have sugar too late in the day!

3) You don't have to eat what is served, but we are not short order cooks. If you don't like the stir fry, then you can have a sandwich or an apple, or a bowl of cereal. Something simple like that.

We try to make sure that they each get some veggies, fruits, and protein throughout the day. They both love simple carbs and would probably live off of crackers and fruit alone, if not encouraged to eat other things throughout the day.

Really, these food rules exist mainly for DD, as DS will eat just about anything we put in front of him, or at least try it..

(ETA: I guess I should add that I'm not totally laid back about candy (which is really only in the house a couple times a year), as DD is very prone to cavities. Her Halloween candy is put up out of her reach, but every day or so she asks for it, and I let her have as much as she wants for 10 minutes or so, then we put it away again and brush teeth. But this is really more of a preventing-tooth-decay thing than a food rule, I guess.)


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## tjlucca (Jun 16, 2008)

In our house, snacks are offered to those who finish their meals. A starchy snack here and there (granola bars), but usually fresh fruit or veggies, sliced cheese, trail mix, nuts, etc...special treats on occasion ( a few times a week), dark chocolate covered almonds, an organic soda, potato chips....DD is just like her Mama and wants everything sweet. Argh, my karma and/or genetics. hehe


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## tjlucca (Jun 16, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie*
> 
> You do not have to eat anything I prepare, but you may not have a special meal prepared for you.
> 
> ...


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## tjlucca (Jun 16, 2008)

In our house, snacks are offered to those who finish their meals. A starchy snack here and there (granola bars), but usually fresh fruit or veggies, sliced cheese, trail mix, nuts, etc...special treats on occasion ( a few times a week), dark chocolate covered almonds, an organic soda, potato chips....DD is just like her Mama and wants everything sweet. Argh, my karma and/or genetics. hehe


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## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom*
> 
> 
> 
> Well if they are already addicated it will be harder than if it had been nipped in the bud the first few times. Sometimes parents *have* to be the bad guys when it comes to something important to you that is not important to others. However the key is knowing whats worth the fight.


We have had to be the bad guys where DH's aunt is concerned. She lives next door, so we see her often. She loves my kids and is like an extra grandma to them, and loves providing snacks for them each time we visit. With DD's history of cavities, obviously I don't want her gorging on sweets and soda every time we visit. I had to say something EVERY SINGLE TIME we visited for a while, but she did finally switch from hard candy and sugary drinks to little bags of teddy grahams and cups of water. It took a LOT of me being the bad guy to get to this point, though.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)




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## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

I'm pretty non-negotiable when it comes to food.

I feel that farmers and ranchers put a lot of time and care into growing/raising the food, we spend a ton of money buying healthy food(local/organic/pastured/grass fed etc), and I spend a ton of time preparing 3 made from scratch meals a day. Plus i provide healthy snacks like fruit, carrot sticks(more prep work), whole grain crackers, raw milk cheeses etc. When it is meal time- we eat. Period. I give my son (and will give my daughter when she's old enough to eat) reasonable portions. In fact I start small...if they want more there's always more. But meal times are family times where we willsitandtalk and have goodtablemanners and eat foods that nourish our bodies.

I do however make things that everyone likes. My son gets homemade waffles most mornings, or popovers on the weekends, maybe eggsa dn toast and bacon if we have time. Lunch is usually a fancied up version of leftovers like a chicken sandwhich(slices of chicken, jam,mayo, spinch, cheese, on sprouted grain bread) or a steak with apples and carrots...something along those lines. Dinner I usually roast or grill a protein, with two veggies.

We don't do dessert or sweets everyday. However if my son or hubby have a craving for something...I'll make it "our way" with organic ingredients and natural sweeteners. We'll also go out for ice cream occasionally or eat out and DS can choose his dinner, but we also only eat at nice places where they have something not totally unhealthy on the menu.

I don't allow junk food. At all. I guess I feel most food nowadays is just so far from food that I can't imagine eating it. Especially my kiddos who are growing.

This sounds pretty strict on paper...I guess I feel that IRL I'm nota total tyrant. DS had halloween candy(in extreme moderation), he just recently had a french fry for the first time this summer on a trip to RI when my hubby wanted whole bellyclams. So wedo get out a bit and DS has had the occasional taste of junk but day to day we eat a very healthy diet and I expect food to be respected.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:

Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 

I feel that farmers and ranchers put a lot of time and care into growing/raising the food, we spend a ton of money buying healthy food(local/organic/pastured/grass fed etc), and I spend a ton of time preparing 3 made from scratch meals a day.

I realised food became an intellectual decision for dd when she turned 7. because we went and started volunteering at our only urban farm. we've weeded, planted, cleaned, worked the farm stand AND worked in the community kitchen. there are times where I have been the head chef. there is just something to being there and helping and experiencing how things are grown. my friend has a farm too and dd has helped her with the sheep and weeding and other animals.

so i think dd this time has a whole different relationship with food than she did earlier. i did have a community garden that dd helped with when she was much younger but i dont think she remembers much of that.

we are trying to eat seasonally too. we look at the stickers that are put on food. i buy from the local asian farmers market because i cant afford the local farmers market. we have a relationship with the farmers we buy from. they are growing food in their own backyards and not using fert or pesticides. my dd is aware of the whole marketing of food and how i dont want to 'feed' the food corporations.

plus dd is cooking. serious cooking. learning about spices. herbs. what goes with what. she watches cooking shows and then tries those recipes. freaks my roommate out to see an 8 year old completely adept with a knife and unsupervised in the kitchen.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *BarnMomma*
> 
> I'm pretty non-negotiable when it comes to food.
> 
> I feel that farmers and ranchers put a lot of time and care into growing/raising the food, we spend a ton of money buying healthy food(local/organic/pastured/grass fed etc), and I spend a ton of time preparing 3 made from scratch meals a day. Plus i provide healthy snacks like fruit, carrot sticks(more prep work), whole grain crackers, raw milk cheeses etc. When it is meal time- we eat. Period.


We inculcate this attitude too. We participate in a CSA and visit "our" farm (this weekend we were at a trade show and my son proudly insisted he was a farmer too, to the confusion of the real farmer ). But we don't add in the "you must only eat what's prepared for dinner" aspect of it. My son can have alternatives - they're not nuggets and fries - and they tend to come from the same place, like leftovers or whatever.

I can't really say, with only one 5 year old to have experimented on, but seeing how important control is to him I just don't think a hard line would make him more respectful/grateful - I think it would make him less so, just given his personality. That said, I totally agree with your expectations...I just think for our family it's all in how it's carried out.


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## averysmomma05 (Feb 28, 2007)

We don't have a lot of rules at our house seems like a lot on paper but not really.

We all eat together at the table

No one can complain

Must take 1 bite per age of everything

You get 1 dinner I don't make anything else

No liquids after 7pm unless a few sips of water for bedtime at 8pm

No desserts ever usually unless we go out for ice cream which isn't much


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