# Soon to be Sexually Active Younger Sister, WWYD? UPDATE #22



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Standard disclaimer: I am not a parent but would really appreciate the advice of some of the wonderful moms and dads on these boards.

My younger sister is 17, I am 22, yesterday she sent me a message asking to talk to me about sex. She has an open invitation to talk to me about anything relating to sex/sexuality as this is my area of study and I am totally comfortable talking to her about it. So she told me about nearly having sex with her current boyfriend and mostly just wanted reassurance that the things she was doing were OK and she didn't need to feel guilty about enjoying it. After talking for a bit and giving her some information about safer sex (physically and emotionally) she decided that she was going to slow down and wait for awhile. So I think I handled the actual conversation with her pretty well (of course you are all welcome to give your opinion on that too).

My real question is what is my obligation to pass this information onto my mom and/or try to convince my sister that her best option is to wait?

Under normal circumstances I would say little to no obligation to tell anyone, and all i should do is support her in making her own decisions in a healthy way, but there are a couple of other factors that make me question how I would normally do things.

First, the boy my sister is dating has some ongoing drug use issues, now of course this doesn't make him a bad person but it is something that my parents have a problem with and something that my sister has told me makes her uncomfortable.

Second, my sister had a brief period of time where she showed pretty poor judgment with alcohol and drug use, this has stopped and I think she is doing great now but still the poor judgment did happen in the not so distant past. Also at this point when she was doing these things that were really damaging her health I did tell my parents what she told me because she was truly putting her health/life at risk (now I think they expect me to tell them when she is doing something they don't want her to, which of course I would rather not do in this situation).

Third, my sister has some health issues that would make it very difficult and stressful for her to keep her sexual activity a secret from our parents (which is what she wants) and because I know it would be very difficult for her I almost want to try to talk her out of being sexually active in the near future.

So what do I do? have I done enough by giving her the information she needs/wants and supporting her in her decisions? or do I need to do more?


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## Sarah W (Feb 9, 2008)

I think you handled it really well. However, I don't think you have an obligation to tell your parents. I think that although she is a minor, she has a right to some privacy. If you felt she was in danger (like in the past with her drug use) then I think that would be a reason to let your parents know.

I think there are several issues...is she ready to be sexually active? Should she be sexually active with this particular person? However, I think those issues are hers to decide. It is great that she came to you and you were able to give her something to think about. I think that's the best thing you could have done for her.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Thanks, I agree completely that it is her decision. Of course I want to say she isn't ready, and definitely not with this person but I can't make that call especially since I was younger than she is now and with a far worse person for the first time I had sexual intercourse. It's mostly a matter of if something happens to her that could have been prevented how will I feel for not letting someone (my mom more than likely) more immediately in her life know? It goes against what I believe in to break her trust by telling anyone but still I wonder if I am making the right decisions.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Make sure she is using VERY VERY reliable contraception, because having a baby with a man with drug issues is a ticket to trouble.


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

full disclosure-- I waited and I feel like it was the best thing ever!

OK, I'll say it. If it was my little sister.... I would talk to her about waiting. Not a lecture, but a why I think it's a good thing to do. I don't think at 17, that I would tell my parents, but I would be talking to her about bc, plan b ect.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Well birth control isn't really the issue, she has POF (autoimmune, her body attacked her ovaries, but getting into that would put this thread in all sorts of subforums here). The bigger issue is really safety from STIs, and protecting herself emotionally, for now she has said she plans to wait for a bit, so that's good, but somehow I don't think it will be that long.

So my only obligations are to make sure she has the information she wants and needs and support her in whatever happens?


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

It's not so much that your only obligation is the make sure she has the information she needs and has your support, though I do think that is your only obligation, it's also that, as you seem to understand, you can't change her mind even if you wanted too. Also remember that saying anything to your parents could really backfire. As in, she may stop seeing you as someone she can trust in these matters and start seeing you as someone who will listen and then turn around and blab about her private matters.

When you put it all together, the safest thing you can do right now is be a source or information and support.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Yeah, thanks for confirming my thoughts everyone. I know what I should do, I know what I would have wanted someone to do for me, but still sometimes it helps to know that someone who is a parent doesn't think I am totally off base (especially when it comes to dealing with someone like a younger sister). I plan to keep her secrets and make sure she has the knowledge to protect herself no matter what she chooses to do now or in the future.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I think you handled it really well. However, I don't think you have an obligation to tell your parents. I think that although she is a minor, she has a right to some privacy. If you felt she was in danger (like in the past with her drug use) then I think that would be a reason to let your parents know.

I think there are several issues...is she ready to be sexually active? Should she be sexually active with this particular person? However, I think those issues are hers to decide. It is great that she came to you and you were able to give her something to think about. I think that's the best thing you could have done for her.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Yeah, if you were to say something your parents, I doubt she'd ever trust you enough to talk to you about anything personal again. Just be there to listen, and to bounce ideas off of.


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## aussiemum (Dec 20, 2001)

Just wanted to agree with pps here, I would not talk with your parents about your sister's sexual experiences.

I don't know what POF is, but I would explain to her (if she doesn't already know) that any sort of contact between male ejaculation and the female vagina can potentially result in conception, even if it's only nearly 'having sex'. To put it bluntly, you don't need penetration for conception. Unlikely, but just so she knows the whole biological story....

If she's serious about this lad, then nothing will stop them having a sexual relationship. As an older sister, you are in a good position to talk to her about STI's and give her information to protect herself.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

POF= premature ovarian failure.

Thanks for reminding me of all the little things (but definitely important) I need to make sure she knows.


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## happysmileylady (Feb 6, 2009)

I am of two minds on this issue.

First, my own personal experience-I got pg at 17. At one point he and I were arguing on the phone, he was CONVINCED that I was pg, I knew I was not. We were on a cordless, my neighbor somehow heard the entire conversation on HER cordless phone, told my mom. It was a whole big to do scene and mostly I felt like my privacy had been completely violated. And a few months later, I actually was pg. And my sister (younger) is who told my mom I was pg. Again, I felt completely violated. And I felt like I was being treated like a child by everyone. As a person who experienced that, I don't know that telling your mom is a good idea.

However, I am now the mom of a 14 year old. And if she was wanting to have sex at 17, I would want to know. As a parent, I cannot best parent when I don't have all the information. And I would be very angry to find out that someone else had the information and kept it from me. It's my job, as a parent, to help my child learn the best route for her, but I cannot do my job best, when I don't know all the information. As a parent, I think the parent should be made aware that her child is considering something so life changing.

Also, while my teen was conceived while using bc, my toddler required in vitro fertilization. DH and I were told at that time that it was really our only option for biological children together. And yet, I am pg with my third, naturally, while NOT ttc. The term birth control is a misnomer, and control over getting pg is an illusion. I believe that the only way to be 100% certain that pg will not occur is if all the biological parts just aren't there. Being told they are there but not working is not a guarentee that pg will not occur. So I think it's important to be sure that she understands that biologically, even being told you are infertile is not a guarentee that you can't get pg.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happysmileylady* 
However, I am now the mom of a 14 year old. And if she was wanting to have sex at 17, I would want to know. As a parent, I cannot best parent when I don't have all the information. And I would be very angry to find out that someone else had the information and kept it from me. It's my job, as a parent, to help my child learn the best route for her, but I cannot do my job best, when I don't know all the information. As a parent, I think the parent should be made aware that her child is considering something so life changing.

Sometimes, the best job you can do is not have all the information. Sounds odd I know, but getting your nose into everything because you feel you need the information can very easily drive a teen, particularly a 17 year old who has a right to privacy by that age, even further underground. To the point where they don't discuss things with anyone.

In the OP's case, her sister has someone to talk to that is 1) knowledgeable, 2) non-judgmental, even if she has her own opinion she keeps it to herself and 3) trustworthy enough that these things can be discussed with an understanding of confidentiality.

It is more important that a teen have someone knowledgeable they can talk to, than it is for the parents to have every ounce of information about their teen.

Besides, by 17 I would expect you'd be pretty much done with the child rearing.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

As a mom, my only hope for my children when it comes to sex is that they know everything they need to know to make the best decision for themselves. Obviously, I hope that means waiting for a VERY long time but realistically, I just hope they take the time to really evaluate just how ready they are.

I hope my oldest child will do for her younger siblings what you are doing for your sister. I would hope my DD just gives them the best and most accurate information possible and knows when to maintain trust and handling it herself and when to come to me. Choosing to have sex alone, especially at 17 (rather than say, 13) isn't enough to break sibling trust. That is hard for me to say becaues I'd WANT to know when my children are planning to have sex and I'd WANT to be the one they come to... but I find it much more important that they just have someone who is adequately knowledgeable that they can trust and go to for information and support.

As a big sister, I want my brother to know he can come to me about anything without risk of me going to our mom. Like you, I would go when necessary (dangerous choices) but again, choosing to have sex alone, as long as safty is included, isn't enough of a reason for me to tell our mom.

I think you are doing the right thing by maintaining trust at this point. Just keep giving her the information she needs and letting her know that you support her and just want to be there for her.


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## flitters (Sep 18, 2003)

Not a parent of a teen yet, but caught this on the recent threads list and had two thoughts to share:

1) The best gift I possibly ever received was a book by my pseudo-sister (12 years my senior) when I turned 13. I think it was called "Changing Bodies Changing Lives" but there might be a more updated and similar type book available now. That answered questions I wouldn't have even known to ask and was consulted by me and my friends all through my high-school years to the point where the binding fell apart.

2) Looking ahead (so not advice, just speculation on my part), I don't really have the expectation that I will be the one my children come to with questions or for support with sexual decision making. I hope that they feel they CAN come to me for those things, but even more than that, I hope that they have someone trustworthy and responsible (like the OP) who they can ask about subjects if they are uncomfortable discussing them with me.


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## happysmileylady (Feb 6, 2009)

MusicianDad said:


> Sometimes, the best job you can do is not have all the information. Sounds odd I know, but getting your nose into everything because you feel you need the information can very easily drive a teen, particularly a 17 year old who has a right to privacy by that age, even further underground. To the point where they don't discuss things with anyone.
> 
> 
> > I think you forgot to read the part where I got pg at 17, after the big blow out when my parents found out I was not a virgin
> ...


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Legal adulthood happens far later then biological adulthood, and even emotional/mental adulthood.

We extend their dependence on us far longer then is natural and suffer the consequences of adults who can't act their age because mommy and daddy aren't there to tell them how to behave.

At 17, I was living with DH and raising DD. I am not the only one who was (or is) capable of being an adult at 17.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

happysmileylady said:


> MusicianDad said:
> 
> 
> > Sometimes, the best job you can do is not have all the information. Sounds odd I know, but getting your nose into everything because you feel you need the information can very easily drive a teen, particularly a 17 year old who has a right to privacy by that age, even further underground. To the point where they don't discuss things with anyone.
> ...


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## bronxmom (Jan 22, 2008)

I really don't agree with the "needing all the information to be the best parent" line of thinking. Of course, I'd like all the information and sometimes it does make it easier. But children in general, and teens in particular, are their own separate individual beings with their own thoughts, desires and lives and a right to some privacy. Otherwise, where do we draw the line? Do we read their diaries? Their private emails? Teens in particular need to begin the difficult process of individuating from their parents - and by 17 are much farther along in that process.

I don't see how knowing your kids plans around sex would change the answers and information you give. I would give all the information as if your teen will have sex at some point - and encourage her to feel free to talk to you without judgment AND point her to other resources if she doesn't feel comfortable with that. I know some parents have very close and communicative relationships with their children and I hope to have that. But I also don't think that rules out my daughter preferring to talk to another trusted adult instead. I plan to tell her that she can talk to any of the women in her life (my bff who has known her all her life, her aunts) with a guarantee that the information would not be passed on to me.

I think this is also about recognizing that parents shouldn't be the only resource and aren't even always the best resource for the issues their kids will deal with. Of course, we provide the foundation of love, security, building up confidence and self-esteem and providing information. But once they get a little older they need to learn to rely on a whole network of people and seek out the people who can best help them. In the OP's case her sister has the OP, who seems like an excellent resource who is perhaps in an even better position to help than the parents: she's younger and closer to the teen years so can more easily identify; she studies issues of sexuality so is possibly more informed on recent research, etc; by virtue of not being mom she might feel safer. Of course, the OP can always say if she doesn't feel equipped but that doesn't seem to be the case. Also, OP you do have the option of encouraging your sister to tell your parents if you think there are good reasons for that (e.g., they will be able to provide non-judgmental and neutral support; they can help with bc and medical resources; it'd just be good for them to know for medical reasons). If you think they should know but your sister is just uncomfortable talking about it with her parents then you could offer to be the conduit if that's easier.

Also, OP, I just wanted to say that I think your parents' expectation that you will tell them whatever you know about your sister is unreasonable and intrusive. I think it'd be worth it to clarify to them that there were exceptional circumstances that led you to share the drug use issue with them but that does not mean that you will break her confidence over non-health threatening issue. And having sex, if prepared, is not a health-threatening issue.


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## Happiestever (May 13, 2007)

I don't think you are obligated to tell your mom. Some things are better kept between sisters. And if sexuality is your area of expertise, I would think you have given her great information. No need to freak your mom out. You've hopefully given her the tools, no let her use them.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

And now for an update..... So my sister decided to start having sex. She seems to have approached it as responsibly as possible for a 17 year old so in that regard things are good.

Now onto the real update and the thing I really need advice on dealing with. Our parents found a text on her phone that suggested something sexual and questioned her about it until she admitted to being sexually active. I thought they handled it well at first not a lot of yelling only minimal shaming but that changed very quickly. Within a couple of days she is no longer allowed to drive, her boyfriend is not allowed around, she has no cell phone, cannot use the house phone, no friends, no computer, lots of yelling, threats, telling her she is irresponsible, is screwing up her future, her boyfriend is a loser and so on and so forth. Whether I agree with my parents approach or not (and i definitely do NOT) there doesn't seem to be a lot I can do about it as far as I can see. So what would you do (or think I should do even if you wouldn't)? Help please.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

Wow, don't your parents realize your sister will legally be an adult soon. They are poisoning their relationship with her by being so controlling and condemning. Are you close enough to your parents to talk to them about the possible repercussions of treating an almost adult daughter this way? The relationship is forever and your sister is only going to be subject to their control for a matter of months.


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## simple life (Apr 14, 2006)

Wow, what a horrid place your parents have put her sister! Are you living away from your parents? If so, I"d consider letting your sister live with you for a little bit to let your parents cool down. Your parents are not doing any good being that restrictive. And those horrible words can not be taken back, ever. I spent most of my high school years grounded (and hearing those horrible words and worse, directed at me), for bad grades, so not as serious, but the same social effect. Is there a way you can talk to your parents? I know I couldn't do that, but some people have much better relationships with their parents.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

I agree with simple life, if you are living away from your parents than maybe your sister can come and stay with you for a little while.

And if you can talk to your parents, try to make them see reason.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

I have talked to them, they really want me to stay out of it because they know how strongly I disagree about the way they are treating her and how strongly I feel about every person's right to own their sexuality. They listen to me but mostly disagree and still feel they have my sister's best interest at heart which although I'm sure they do they are going about it entirely the wrong way. I really feel for my sister because at that age I had such a terrible relationship with my parents but now just a few years later we really get along great.

I do live away from my parents but several hundred miles away which would severely interfere with my sister's schooling and health care which at the moment is really important. Aother complication with that is that my parents primarily support me by paying my living expenses while I go to school full time which I pay with scholarships. So moving her in with me would risk her health, her education, and my education. It would still be a pssibility and I would be willing to risk my part of that and do my best to find her doctors where I live but logistically it would be very complicated.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Oh so I guess my question then is any ideas on what I can do to support her without moving her in with me and taking into consideration that it is unlikely I will be able to talk some sense into my parents (at least until things calm down significantly)? I've already put off heading back to my apartment 200 miles away so I can stay here for venting and hugs when she needs me, but I'm not sure how long I can delay that since I need to get back to classes and other school related necessities.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Would you be able to help her find somewhere else to live for a while, maybe close friends or extended family?


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

shes almost an adult, its really none of your parents business and if it were my little sister i would direct her to go to planned parenthood so she can get bc and condoms. thats what i did when i was 15
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Sharlla: She has plenty of condoms, probably about 500 from me, so she's set there. Hormonal birth control is not an option because of serious health issues, but I am taking her to planned parenthood within the week (made an appointment) to get STI testing just to be on the safe side and to talk to the people there about what's going on at home right now. I do agree it is none of their business and the only difference between her and I at the age she is now is that 1. she got caught and 2. she's probably better prepared because she did have someone to talk to.

MusicianDad: I'm looking into those options now but unfortunately we have absolutely no family living in the area. The closest person besides me is probably a 10 hour drive away. Our family doesn't have a lot of close friends and those that we do i doubt would be willing to take her against my parents wishes. I'm hesitant to put her in the hands of my close friends because she is under 18 and I have had friends of mine get in legal trouble for aiding minors in similar ways.

She has an appointment with a counselor set up in a couple of weeks which is great because she really wants someone with some sort of authority to talk to her and my parents right now but a couple of weeks seems like an eternity and is honestly longer than I can stay around to keep her safe until then.

Any other ideas for more immediate counseling resources for her to reach out to? I'm looking into that now too but any help would be appreciated.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Oh and I forgot to say, Thanks so much everyone for the suggestions, I am definitely considering all of them and even some of the ones I think will not work, like having her move in with me, it's nice to hear from someone else because it is definitely something I have considered and still would if I need to.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Oh and the resources might have to be something I can find for her initially since she has virtually no access to anything right now.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Have you pointed out to your parents that she will never, ever talk to them about something like this again if they continue to act this way?


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

eclipse: Oh of course, I pointed that out to them long before this ever happened. "You know mom and dad if you act judgmental when she comes to you about sex/sexuality she's never going to talk to you about ANYTHING like that again." I had hope that they heard me then, but apparently not. And of course I have pointed it out in the last day or two, probably the last hour, but either they don't care or don't believe me.

My poor sister is never going to forgive them for this or forget it.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Hopefully the counselor will be able to help out with the parents.

The advice I would give her? Comply, comply, comply with whatever they want. Act all repentful. Say she agrees with them.Then do whatever she wants when she has the chance, just being very very careful not to get caught. And not ever tell them anything ever again.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

I think your sister should just give your parents some time to get over it. I doubt moving out would be a good option at this time in her life.
How long has it been since they found out?


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Ah yes that is exactly how I survived the highschool years, exactly that way. She has a stubborn streak a mile wide though and will NOT NOT NOT do that. I wish she would sometimes, it would make my life 100x easier but I understand her reasons for refusing to give in to the demands. I think I may have to repeat that advice though, it's only a year of living at home, then she can go to college and get out of the house.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *weliveintheforest* 
I think your sister should just give your parents some time to get over it. I doubt moving out would be a good option at this time in her life.
How long has it been since they found out?

It's only been 4 days since they found out. I do think it will blow over some in a couple of weeks but I'm not sure how much it will. I have some hope that they will get over it but honestly I don't think she is going to forgive them anyway and they are angry enough to keep restricting her freedom over this for at least a few months.

I agree that moving out is probably not the best option, so how can I help her while she is here besides holding her hand while she cries and talks to me?


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

I was sort of in the same position as your sister at that age. Extremely religious parents who were pretty controlling and who found out I was sexually active. It wasn't fun.

I guess my big question would be --what are her plans? In my case, I definitely wanted to go to college, and my parents were paying for it. It was so worth it to me to just shut up and pretend to comply for 8 months or so until I knew I'd be off to college and could do what I wanted to do.

If I was planning on moving out at 18 and getting a job, I wouldn't have been so compliant.


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## aussiemum (Dec 20, 2001)

Good point EFmom, some of this kind of depends on where the OPs sister sees herself in 6-12 months with regards to parent support, etc.

I also agree with pps who think that the parent's response here is really, incredibly detrimental to their long term relationship with their daughter. She is 17. How on earth can you expect to prohibit the sexuality of a 17 year old??

In response to the OP: Also I am wondering why the STI test? Do you have a reason to suspect that your sister's partner has an STI? Did they use condoms and did they minimise the risk of transmission? If they took precautions, why worry about it immediately?


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
I was sort of in the same position as your sister at that age. Extremely religious parents who were pretty controlling and who found out I was sexually active. It wasn't fun.

I guess my big question would be --what are her plans? In my case, I definitely wanted to go to college, and my parents were paying for it. It was so worth it to me to just shut up and pretend to comply for 8 months or so until I knew I'd be off to college and could do what I wanted to do.

If I was planning on moving out at 18 and getting a job, I wouldn't have been so compliant.


Her plans are similar to yours, go to college which my parents are willing to pay for. Financial support is a big big reason there is this struggle. I'm relatively certain if they were not going to be putting her through college she would have just left at the start of this trouble. So right or wrong it's probably in her best interest for the future to try to get along to make it easier for her to get the education she wants.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aussiemum* 
Good point EFmom, some of this kind of depends on where the OPs sister sees herself in 6-12 months with regards to parent support, etc.

I also agree with pps who think that the parent's response here is really, incredibly detrimental to their long term relationship with their daughter. She is 17. How on earth can you expect to prohibit the sexuality of a 17 year old??

In response to the OP: Also I am wondering why the STI test? Do you have a reason to suspect that your sister's partner has an STI? Did they use condoms and did they minimise the risk of transmission? If they took precautions, why worry about it immediately?


Honestly I am wondering why the STI test too. She used condoms every time as far as I know, however, her partner did have other sex partners before her so there is always a risk there no matter the precautions that are taken. I think since my sister knows the risks she would just like to get checked while I am still around town to take her and help explain the whys, hows, and whats of STI testing.

Also, my parents, I think are insisting on it to try to scare her out of having sex, obviously this isn't going to work. But I think my sister is handling it in the most mature way possible by just going to get tested, most likely so she can say "ha told you I was being the safest possible."

So the STI testing may be mostly unnecessary at this point but it's something she is plenty willing to do, and I think since I will still be around to take her to Planned Parenthood, at the very least it will allow her to know where it is and become comfortable with the building in case she needs to go there for anything else. (oh and hopefully talking to someone there about what is going on will make her feel a little better.)


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<3mymom* 
Her plans are similar to yours, go to college which my parents are willing to pay for. Financial support is a big big reason there is this struggle. I'm relatively certain if they were not going to be putting her through college she would have just left at the start of this trouble. So right or wrong it's probably in her best interest for the future to try to get along to make it easier for her to get the education she wants.

Then I guess if I were you, I'd support her in biting her tongue and hanging in there until she goes to college. The reality is that your parents do have the upper hand unless your sister is willing to forego a free education and become self-supporting.

I also have to say that I think your parents have a point that really it isn't your business to interfere with them. Obviously, I strongly disagree with how they are treating your sister, too, but they are her parents and until she's out of their house, they do have the right to call the shots. It sucks, but fortunately, she's already 17. And while she's at college, they'll have little idea what she's up to.


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## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Thanks, I will support her in doing that if she is willing.

I agree with you that it isn't my business to interfere. I've only said anything to them when they have brought it up with me or asked my opinion and my sister is out of hearing because I really do not want to interfere with their parenting. All I've really been able to do for my sister so far is be a shoulder to cry on, listen and give her a hug. I disagree with them and I do think they are doing damage to the relationship but I have some hope that it will work out in the end because I remember being 17 living in my parents house and it was hell. Now that I'm not at home most of the time we get along great and even when we don't we manage to get through it.


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<3mymom* 
Thanks, I will support her in doing that if she is willing.

I agree with you that it isn't my business to interfere. I've only said anything to them when they have brought it up with me or asked my opinion and my sister is out of hearing because I really do not want to interfere with their parenting. All I've really been able to do for my sister so far is be a shoulder to cry on, listen and give her a hug. I disagree with them and I do think they are doing damage to the relationship but I have some hope that it will work out in the end because I remember being 17 living in my parents house and it was hell. Now that I'm not at home most of the time we get along great and even when we don't we manage to get through it.

Being 17 _was_ awful, wasn't it? I think the best thing you can do with your parents is agree to disagree, and with your sister, support her in making good decisions. IMO, that means sucking it up until she's out of the house and jumping through whatever hoops your parents present. Sucks that you're in this position. Good luck.


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