# Parents that think time out is child abuse. Why?



## Childrenareawesome (Mar 30, 2017)

On a website that's not active anymore Gentle Christian Mothers the rules are to not advocate punishment on children. This means no spanking or time out. Crying it out is not allowed to be encouraged either. I'm not going to judge any parent as I understand if you think time out is wrong as I believe spanking is wrong. I am completely against physical punishment including spanking. But why is time out bad? I can understand why crying it out might be bad and I hate spanking but I don't understand the problem with time out. I'm sure your kids are well behaved and I'm not going to judge your parenting style. But two questions. What are the negative affects of time out? and if you don't spank or use time out then how do you discipline?


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## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

I don't think it's child abuse, I just don't think it's useful. There's lots of articles out there on why timeouts aren't helpful. Here's some: http://time.com/3404701/discipline-time-out-is-not-good/ http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/column-why-you-should-never-use-timeouts-on-your-kids/ http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/timeouts

Aha Parenting is particularly popular around here.

To me, misbehavior is often a cry for help calming down, and a bid for connection. When you do a time out, you are rejecting your child when they most need to connect for you. Some people do a "time-in" where the parent and the child go away from the problem and reconnect.

For us, we have a punishment free home. I believe the only true discipline in this world is self discipline. Hold your children to a high standard of behavior and they will meet it. By laying out punishments for whatever, you are stating you expect them to fail. I know, you don't mean that, but that's what you are doing nonetheless. State your expectations and leave it at that. There's no need to add an "or else." If the kids ask, "what if I don't?", calmly say, "I know you will, so there's no need to worry about that."


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

Most parents can't manage a helpful time out. They are usually angry when they issue it as a disciplinary measure. It is a slippery slope to keep the child in there longer and longer as a retaliative measure. 

My personal opinion is that you have to figure out your child and what is working best for that child. I had one child that responded very well to time out (he was quite spirited and defiant in nature), while the other two children did not need that approach. You also have to figure out what is driving the behavior at a particular time. Example-- a tired hungry child that misbehaves is not the same as a child that premeditates a hurtful act on a sibling. Also, some children just have different temperaments and you have to learn how to work with the temperament of the child. So time out as a general intervention, is not helpful across the board. For certain kids in certain situations, it is helpful.


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## PacificMar (Jul 24, 2012)

I find it more helpful to send myself, the parent, to "time-out" than to ask a child to do it! :smile: It demonstrates emotion-management skills (giving yourself some cooling-off time before saying or doing something you'll regret, escalating an argument, etc.) I've noticed that children who witness their parents going to a "quiet place" (in their minds, even if not to a separate location) tend to take their own time-outs when they're feeling frustrated, and then they return ready to give whatever it was that was bothering them (a dispute with friends usually) another chance.


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