# Can you share what you did with the ashes?



## yummymummy2hannah (Aug 23, 2006)

My son (who passed at 16 weeks) is sitting in a decorative Mother and Child wooden box above my fireplace. I don't really know what to do to honor him. We have some problems with burying his remains. We don't want to bury him at our home incase we move and if we bury him at a cometary we don't like the thought of him all alone. Could you share your plan or way of honoring the ashes?


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## michelle.english19 (Jun 13, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss.

I just had a miscarriage on July 9. I was 10 weeks by the calendar but the baby only measured about 6 weeks. I had a natural miscarriage at home and was only able to capture the placenta. But it was part of my baby's experience in the womb and I have not been able to simply throw it away or knowingly flush it down the toilet.

I thought about burying it outside but didn't like the idea of it being exposed to the elements. Plus, we will move in 5 years or so and I didn't want to leave part of my family behind. So....I went to the florist and bought an indoor plant that is hearty (I do NOT have a green thumb!) and it is buried in the pot with that plant. This way I get to protect it from the elements and it gets to stay with us wherever we move to.

Some women bury it with a tree/bush, etc. that will bloom during the time when she was due. I think that's a really neat idea.

There were things about several plants at the florist that I liked. One was a lilly and I liked that it bloomed....like it would be a frequent reminder of life and its beauty. I eventually chose a simply ivy. They are hearty and I liked that I could clip the long vines and restart a new plant. Sort of like sharing my baby's love with the world and with important people in my life.

That's what I did. Every woman is different. Listen to your heart and it will lead you to a way of processing the grief that is best for your heart.

God Bless you and your family.


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## ladybug732 (Apr 29, 2008)

Right now, Audrey's ashes are in an urn in the room that was to be her nursery. I bought a plain cream-colored jar with a seal and then decorated it with ribbon and silk flowers. We had planned on burying the ashes at my parents' river cabin but decided that we liked the idea of having her home with us. Eventually we will move her urn and memory box to our bedroom to be close to us and also so another baby will be able to have the nursery (hopefully).

We also bought a native scrub/tree called a Mountain Laurel and buried a piece of her placenta with it. We are planning on staying in this house. It is also super hardy because I'm also not much of a gardener. It has beautiful lavender blooms that smell like grape Koolaid and look like small Wisteria blooms. My husband always wanted one, so it seemed right to get it. We also bought a fake stone that has Jesus' hands holding a dove and the Scripture from John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you."

Take some time to think of what you would like to do. There is no rush, and you'll know when you've found the right thing.

Grace and Peace,
Kathleen


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss.

I still have my dd's ashes in the black box from the funeral home. I don't know weather or not I will transfer them to another holding vessel, maybe if the right thing comes to me I will.
As for now I have decided to keep her here at home and bring her with me when I die, so she will be buried with me. I will always see her a baby who needs to be with her mama.


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## Mamax3 (Nov 21, 2001)

My son's ashes (he was 18 weeks gestation) are in a small golden cube that the funeral home gave me. He is in our dining room hutch on the top shelf for now. When we buy our forever farm then I will probably spread his ashes there. That is the plan anyway. For now, I am comforted by him being here with us in the house.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Our son's ashes are in a small urn that is engraved. It sits on a shelf in my bedroom. I'll have his ashes scattered when they scatter my own!


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

It has been almost 4 years and I still don't know what to do. I have my Son's ashes on a bookcase shelf.
With my first loss we planted a tree and buried her, but I was never able to choose what to do for our second loss.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

It has been 4.5 years now, and we still have Arawyn's ashes. There was a time when we considered the possibility of scattering them, but I never knew where to do it. So her urn is on the mantle with a little collection of figurines and they will stay there, probably forever. I told dh when it is time to cremate me I want them to send the urn through with me, or if not at least mix the ashes together after. Then he or the kids can do what they want with the ashes, spread them, bury them ect. I just want her to stay with me. She only ever lived inside my body, it just seems fitting somehow.


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## starparticle (Jun 30, 2005)

I had Luna's ashes in an urn for a long time and fretted that I was "supposed" to do something with them.

We moved last year and I finally felt at home enough to plant a tree over some of her ashes, but I kept some for myself. I may never "do" anything with them...

Don't worry, it will become clear what to do, even if that is nothing.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

I personally am choosing to keep mine for a while. My mom bought me a beautiful seashell shaped little urn and we put her in that. I liked that one because it reminded me of SC where she was conceived. We would like to take the trip back there someday and spread them where we were married. She also got me a necklace that is cresent moon shaped, so I can put some ashes in there and always carry her with me. Don't rush if you're not comfortable. Take your time and I think when you come across the perfect time and place (if you wish to spread them) you will "just know" and I am so sorry to hear about your sweet boy.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Calliope's ashes are in an urn I keep with me. We are in the process of moving and it seemed the right thing to do. I have this idea that I want her ashes mixed with mine when I die.


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

I personally was not comfortable w/ keeping the ashes inside our home (we have a lot of clutter & this sounds terrible, but I was afraid that eventually the box or whatever would end up pushed aside somewhere or underneath a pile of crap). We also have "black thumbs" & didn't want to risk killing a plant w/ his ashes buried in them.

SO... we decided to scatter them in a state park 20 mins away where we love to hike. When we went on the day, we decided to put them in a creek there... my grandmother's ashes are scattered @ sea & somehow it was nice symbolism to think of them reuniting eventually. In the times that we've been back there (we don't go regularly), it's been really neat to see the seasons changed & think about how far we've come on our journey.

Also, the day before we were to scatter the ashes, we planted a forsythia. I lost ds at the end of March & the forsythia were stunning- I knew I'd forever think of him when I saw them in bloom. We still had dd's placenta in the freezer & had been procrastinating doing something w/ that. So we dug an extra deep hole, buried the placenta & scattered a few ashes on top of it (again the symbolism of the siblings being together) & then the forsythia on top of them. We joke that if the forsythia dies, we'll blame it on the placenta


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## Tellera (Oct 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *apecaut* 
Calliope's ashes are in an urn I keep with me. We are in the process of moving and it seemed the right thing to do. *I have this idea that I want her ashes mixed with mine when I die.*

apecaut, this is beautiful and touching.


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## avivaelona (Jun 24, 2005)

We've let Isaac's ashes go several different places, but there are still some left and we can't decide what to do with the rest. We expected to decide on something before his due date this year...I just was feeling like I wanted some closure....but then we became unexpectedly pregnant and it just felt like it wasn't the right time.

Its definitely ok to just wait til something feels right.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tellera* 
apecaut, this is beautiful and touching.

We had planned on getting a statue of a lamb, little boy and lion for our front lawn anyway (on a house not yet built) and thought we'd get an inscription on the lion or somewhere and bury Micah's ashes under that and plant a ton of plants and a tree but I think I'm liking the idea of mixing his with mine. exactly right. thanks. We'll still do the lion, lamb, little boy thing just without the ashes. I still have his placenta so will plant it with the tree and shrubs and flowers.

thanks for this idea.


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

My two babes are still in the black boxes the cremation services gave them to me in. I don't think I will ever be able to separate myself from them. I might get a different vessle to hold them in, but that's it. I've told my dh, and my parents that if I die that I want my babies' ashes to be buried with me. Like someone else said, they are my babies and need to be with me....always.


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## SimplyHeartBroken (Aug 9, 2008)

Currently my daughter's ashes are in the container the funeral home put them in. I am going to bury her with her great grandfather (so she will never be alone) and plant minature roses on top of her. I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet ...


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## gratefulbambina (Mar 20, 2005)

Francis is in a beautiful urn on our fireplace that is wrapped around in a knitted blanket that was given to me during my blessingway.


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