# Gentle Bedtime Does Exist!



## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

I wanted to share my experience and give some other moms hope.

DH had taken over putting DS to bed about a month ago. The night time routine was not working anymore. It was taking me about 2 hours to get DS to sleep and we were all miserable. We wanted him to get used to going to sleep without nursing and eventually fall asleep on his own without being rocked, bounced, etc.

For the first 10 days or so DS would cry for a while (maybe 20 min) in DH's arms. DH reassured him that it was ok and he could go to sleep. He would always go to sleep but it killed me to listen to him so upset. I wanted to stop and go back to the way it was but DH told me to just give him a chance.

Then he moved to the next stage. DH started laying on the bed with him and rubbing his back telling him to go to sleep and everything was ok. He would cry from 10-15 min then go to sleep.

The past week or so, DS has been falling asleep within 5-10 min of DH going up with him and very minimal crying (maybe 1-2 min).

Last night he did not cry at all and DH left him while he was still awake. The baby monitor was on and I heard him say something like "good night little guy. Go to sleep and we will see you in the morning." He came downstairs and I was like ummmm WTF? Not even 5 min later, DH went to check on him and he was asleep.

No crying, no fuss. Just asleep.







:

I could not believe it. I'm happy that we were able to get him to sleep peacefully without CIO and causing trauma for him. He was loved the whole way through the transition.

He is still waking every 1-2 hours to nurse and that is the next step.

We begin night weaning in January after the Christmas break and I hope it's just as gentle as this transition was. I hope to be getting a good 5-7 hour chunk of sleep by spring


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I'm happy that he seems to have adjusted, but crying for extended periods for weeks does not sound gentle to me.

-Angela


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## closedaccount15 (Dec 25, 2007)

I have to agree, it doesn't sound gentle to me at all. Even though you didn't leave the room, crying for 15 minutes or more for over 3 weeks seems a long long time.

Maybe it's my child, but if DD cries for more than 2 minutes, she throws up, so we never let her cry if we can help it. Even if I am holding her. So this would never be an option for us.


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CanidFL* 
It was taking me about 2 hours to get DS to sleep and we were all miserable. We wanted him to get used to going to sleep without nursing and eventually fall asleep on his own without being rocked, bounced, etc.

I guess I think it's normal for babies that age (about a year/15 mos/18 mos) to still need nursing or rocking or whatever to sleep. By two or 2.5 years old, that really isn't true anymore (obviously every child is different, but the needing to be rocked or nursed to sleep doesn't go on indefinitely). My 2y8m old dd puts herself to bed half the time now, and usually when she's ready for bed she'll ask someone to go "night-night" with her, so one of us will go lie down with her and get up again once she's asleep. This seems like such a small and natural request to me.

I do remember that bedtime was really challenging until she was about two. Dh and I were both stunned the first time she put herself to bed. And there were many, many nights before age two where she'd not go to sleep until late or wake up upset in the middle of the night. It was a lot of work. So I understand the desire to make it easier. But I don't think I would have been comfortable with the amount of crying. Also, though, I don't think the approach would have worked with my dd, because she gets more and more worked up and upset when she cries rather than calming down eventually. It may have been right for your ds.

I'm glad that it worked for your family and you're happy with the process and result. I'm just not sure that it really is a good example of gentle bedtime.


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## closedaccount15 (Dec 25, 2007)

I want to add my 20 month old still gets up every 2 hours at night and has been doing that since she was 17 months. She never slept through the night, well she did one month, from 4-5 months old. Funny, I always thought that was _normal_ for babies to get up often for the first few years, so when someone else complains about it I tend to get confused.


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

OK









It worked great for our family and the amount of crying was MAJORLY reduced once DH took over. So I guess crying in mom's arms for 2 hours is ok but not for 20 min in dad's? How is it not gentle because Dad is comforting him while he cries?

For anyone who is in my situation and knows what it's like they can read this and know it's possible to get your child to sleep with minimal crying and NOT CIO.


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## imholter (Jun 25, 2007)

I completely agree with the OP - crying in the loving arms of a parent is totally different than leaving a child to cry alone. I also think that cries of protest (cries for mom) are different than cries of pain/illness/lonliness/etc.

So glad to hear that this transition was gentle for you.

We've recently switched to having my husband put our 14-month old daughter to sleep. She protested for the first week or so while my DH lovingly reassured her. To me, this was a very gentle approach.


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## Maela (Apr 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *imholter* 
I completely agree with the OP - crying in the loving arms of a parent is totally different than leaving a child to cry alone. I also think that cries of protest (cries for mom) are different than cries of pain/illness/lonliness/etc.

So glad to hear that this transition was gentle for you.

I agree. You need to do what's right for your family as a whole. The baby was over a year, and this was NOT the same as CIOing. I'm glad it worked for you!


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## closedaccount15 (Dec 25, 2007)

My thought is this - what if your child didn't eat - would you leave the house and let your DH put food in your LO mouth, hold it shut and let them them cry till they ate it while holding them the whole time? Would that be okay? Why would that be any different then the sleep issue? How about potty learning? Would you feel comfortable applying that technique to PL too?

I wouldn't let my child cry for 2 hours in my arms or 20 minutes in my DH. That would not happen for us. So therefor, no I don't think it's gentle

I have a 20 month old that doesn't eat - I pulled her out of a therapy place because she cried the whole time even with me there comforting her. So I am taking another approach. There is always another approach.

You can do what you feel is best for your child, you can even tell other people how great your technique worked - but no, I would not call it gentle by any means. It has nothing to do with who put the child to bed, it was that your child was either crying for 2 hours or 20 minutes. There could have been another way, which you did not pursue. If this is what works for you, fine, but I don't think you could advocate it as being gentle since your set up your child to cry 15 + minutes every night for at least, by your post, 17 days.


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lillymonster* 
It has nothing to do with who put the child to bed, it was that your child was either crying for 2 hours or 20 minutes. There could have been another way, which you did not pursue.

Any suggestions?


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *imholter* 
I completely agree with the OP - crying in the loving arms of a parent is totally different than leaving a child to cry alone. I also think that cries of protest (cries for mom) are different than cries of pain/illness/lonliness/etc.

So glad to hear that this transition was gentle for you.

We've recently switched to having my husband put our 14-month old daughter to sleep. She protested for the first week or so while my DH lovingly reassured her. To me, this was a very gentle approach.

I'm so glad it all worked out for you too







:


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## closedaccount15 (Dec 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CanidFL* 
Any suggestions?

Not worry about it? Let nature take it's course, know that they eventually will fall asleep by themselves on their own when they are ready?

This is coming from a mother whose 20 month old child goes to bed no earlier than 10:30, wakes at 7:30 am, wakes every 1 1/2 to 2 hours during the night, has no set nap time (today she went down for a nap at 3 and is still sleeping at 5:45) AND also does not eat solid food at all (never has), so night weaning is not an option. Oh, and nurses probably every 2 hours during the day. Oh and I forgot, she goes from upset to hysterical in about 2 minutes, and then follows that with gagging and throwing up. So yeah, BTDT with the sleeping (still there), only worse because I don't have the option to night wean or let DD cry for 20 minutes. My DD is almost 2 years old.

So while this worked for you, it would not ever be considered gentle option for us.

If that is not acceptable, No cry sleep solution is a very good book to read, even though it didn't work for us.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think it is great that your child is sleeping well now without crying now, but why was he crying for two hours with you? I think that this is something you need to think about and try to find what was happening. I don't think bedtime should be a miserable thing for a child ever whether it is for twenty minutes or two hours. Is there a routine you can put in place to make it funner? You might also consider taking him to the doctor to get his ears checked. Sometimes crying at bedtime is the only sign that there is an ear infection and sometimes there are no signs. If he went to sudden crying spells then I think you should get him checked by a doctor to rule out other possible illnesses.


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

My DS sometimes cries for up to 4 hours at bedtime. Hysterical screaming. And no, we don't CIO, he cries in arms that long. We've tried everything but he fights sleep like nothing else. So her DS crying for 2 hours a night sounds very much feasible, and sometimes there's nothing you can do to help it. I'm going to go against the grain and say that I agree that the OP's family methods were gentlest for the whole family. A few weeks of crying for a few minutes a night, vs. hysterical crying for hours every night that takes its toll on EVERYONE in the house... Bedtimes are a nightmare for me, DH, DD, AND DS. All of us. If I thought that we could "fix" it by the OP's method, I might do it, to save everyone effort. I find that I am much more pleasant and a better mommy to DS the morning after he "only" screams for an hour or two at night, vs when he goes on for hours. I really start to resent him after all that time, no matter how much I love him and empathize with him. But sometimes something just has to give. It's not for the sake of convenience, but for the sake of mental health and sanity.

Before my post gets deleted as favoring CIO, I reiterate that I do not and have never let DS CIO. But it is hard, hard, hard on all of us. Even people who have kiddos who are hard to get to sleep don't always get it. DD is difficult to put to sleep and rarely naps, but it's night and day with her and with DS. She just doesn't want to sleep and wakes up a lot. He fights sleep like it's torture. He has since the day he was born. Etc. It's hard.








s to all those with "bad" sleepers!


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lillymonster* 
I wouldn't let my child cry for 2 hours in my arms or 20 minutes in my DH. That would not happen for us. So therefor, no I don't think it's gentle.









Whaaa? So how do you suggest "not letting them cry" if no matter what you do, they cry? Either in arms or out of arms? If I set DS down on the ground, he bawls. If I hold him, he bawls. If I put him in his bed, he bawls. How on earth is that me "letting" him cry? What am I supposed to do, gag him?


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

:

I was just going to post the same thing!

I think the moms criticising the OP for doing the best she could for her family have never had to deal with a child who fights sleep for all they're worth, or a high needs baby, who will just cry and cry sometimes, regardless of what you do for them. There's no 'letting' about it.

Some babies and children just fight sleep - it's not the parents' fault. They haven't done anything to make the child fear sleep. IMO the children who fight sleep so hard are usually very active and curious, and simply don't want to miss out on anything. If anything their parents should be praised for supporting them through such difficult times and at the same time helping to ensure that they get adequate sleep. My DD, for example, will not sleep without help, no matter how tired she gets. She can be sick with exhaustion and still not sleep by herself. She NEEDS my help to fall asleep, and on occasion that involves me holding and rocking her while she cries in my arms. That is a much better choice than leaving her to wander around trying to play, but being too tired to do so and crying constantly for hours on end.

OP - congratulations on what sounds like a very loving sleeping transition.


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CanidFL* 
OK









It worked great for our family and the amount of crying was MAJORLY reduced once DH took over. So I guess crying in mom's arms for 2 hours is ok but not for 20 min in dad's? How is it not gentle because Dad is comforting him while he cries?

For anyone who is in my situation and knows what it's like they can read this and know it's possible to get your child to sleep with minimal crying and NOT CIO.


CanidFL - FWIW I think what you did was okay because somebody was with the baby all the time. You never let him cry alone. And kudos to your DH who was willing and able to help!

I have had a baby like that, who, no matter what you did would fuss and fuss. Apparently some out there haven't had the pleasure of this kind of high needs baby. I'm glad you found something that works for you. Sometimes you just get to the point where you just can't take it anymore and you have to try something different (but not CIO) and see if it helps.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lillymonster* 
I wouldn't let my child cry for 2 hours in my arms or 20 minutes in my DH. That would not happen for us.

I really didn't want to step into what's becoming a rather messy thread, but I have to comment on this. I would have loved to "never let my child for 2 hours", but some babies/toddlers just DO, no matter what you do. If you've never experienced this, that is wonderful for you.


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## peanutbuttercup (Aug 9, 2008)

I also have to agree with OP, Limabean, and many others...There is no "letting" about it. My DD cries...in my arms...for up to 2 hours a night. There is nothing I can do about it, except comfort her like I always have.

IMO, children cry. And no matter how hard we as loving parents try, it is nearly impossible to comfort and understand how to soothe your child at every time of day. I have ever let my DD CIO, and never will...but she cries. Often. That is just the type of kid she is.

Canid, I believe this was a wonderful alternative to any other option out there, and worked beautifully for your family. Congratulations on taking this step!


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## HolliM (Apr 15, 2008)

Wow, I'm really surprised by all the judgement here.







:

If my baby was crying for 2 hours every night and I had tried everything possible, I think crying with dad for 15-20 minutes is a great improvement!! Sometimes babies cry for reasons we don't know or just because they are tired or don't want to sleep, etc.

To the OP, I'm glad you found something that worked with your family. You decided to do something that would work for all of you. Thanks for sharing for those of us who might need the ideas in the future.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

Comparing putting food in a LO's mouth and holding it shut until they eat it and comforting a child while they are transitioning to sleep makes so sense to me???

My son is a sleep fighter, always has been. And, he doesn't require a lot of sleep, either. He didn't sleep through the night until he was almost two years old. He is now 4.5 and we bed share. We found that trying to get him to go to sleep earlier than we did just wouldn't work until he was ready (sometime around his 4th birthday). When he stopped napping during the day he has to go to bed before we do. DH and I take turns reading to him and staying with him until he is asleep. He doesn't cry but he sometimes whines about it.







Seriously, some kids will cry no matter what you do.

You and DH came up with a loving solution. Your DH comforted him, was there for him and let him work through his need to cry before sleep. I'm sure he never felt abandoned - which is what I believe CIO babies must feel and their tears must involve a great deal of fear. Your DS has learned that you guys are there for him even when he cries.


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## MommaFox (Jul 21, 2008)

I feel your pain Candid. It's been 7 years since I had a LO and I'm learning all over again. WTG on your wonderful sleep solution! I must agree with the numerous posters about the hatsh judgement that's going on! WTH?? I've only had this LO for 7 weeks, but dang people! Sometimes babies cry, loudly and for no reason we can fathom. I've been up til 3:30 with mine, screaming the entire time, clean, dry, refusing to nurse, didn;t want to swing, didn't want to sway, didn't want to bounce. There was no "Letting" to it. NOTHING I did made him happy. SO don't be so judgemental. Just because you were graced with the perfect child whose eyes light up and who bubbles forth giggles at your slightest touch DOESN'T mean the rest of us are so blessed.


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## lizziebits (Sep 3, 2007)

Add me to the had a child who screamed inconsolably at bedtime for no apparent reason list. And other times, too.

We ended up doing something similar to what the OP did, sort of by necessity because I was working a couple nights a week and it went soooo well. I think the enormous bedtime struggle actually resulted in worse sleep overall, and it became a self-perpetuating cycle. Once bedtime got easier, he slept better, and was happier during the day.

Now, many many months later, we have a kiddo who doesn't mind going to sleep at all. He loves to snuggle his animals and fall asleep.


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## La Sombra (Sep 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lillymonster* 
My thought is this - what if your child didn't eat - would you leave the house and let your DH put food in your LO mouth, hold it shut and let them them cry till they ate it while holding them the whole time? Would that be okay? Why would that be any different then the sleep issue? How about potty learning? Would you feel comfortable applying that technique to PL too?

I wouldn't let my child cry for 2 hours in my arms or 20 minutes in my DH. That would not happen for us. So therefor, no I don't think it's gentle

I have a 20 month old that doesn't eat - I pulled her out of a therapy place because she cried the whole time even with me there comforting her. So I am taking another approach. There is always another approach.

You can do what you feel is best for your child, you can even tell other people how great your technique worked - but no, I would not call it gentle by any means. It has nothing to do with who put the child to bed, it was that your child was either crying for 2 hours or 20 minutes. There could have been another way, which you did not pursue. If this is what works for you, fine, but I don't think you could advocate it as being gentle since your set up your child to cry 15 + minutes every night for at least, by your post, 17 days.

I don't think this is a very good analogy! Comforting a baby/toddler/child while doing something mean to them would indeed be a confusing and useless signal. But I don't think that putting your baby to bed is cruel or heartless! Babies need to sleep, moms and dads need sleep, and families need peace at bedtime. If you are comparing snuggling in bed with a cranky sleeper to force-feeding a baby, well, how far are you going to carry your analogy? What would you suggest those parents do? Just let their child stay up all night?

I think for those of us who have experienced "bad" sleepers, we know that it's easier to say, "Just deal with it!" than to actually, well, just deal with it! Exhaustion, frustration and concern inspire us to try different things. Op's approach, given the circumstances, sounds gentle and loving enough. Their child goes to bed with a loving parent present--I think THAT'S why their lo stopped crying, not because he gave up hope that his cries would be responded to, as might be the case in a situation of real cio.


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## La Sombra (Sep 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaFox* 







I feel your pain Candid. It's been 7 years since I had a LO and I'm learning all over again. WTG on your wonderful sleep solution! I must agree with the numerous posters about the hatsh judgement that's going on! WTH?? I've only had this LO for 7 weeks, but dang people! Sometimes babies cry, loudly and for no reason we can fathom. I've been up til 3:30 with mine, screaming the entire time, clean, dry, refusing to nurse, didn;t want to swing, didn't want to sway, didn't want to bounce. There was no "Letting" to it. NOTHING I did made him happy. SO don't be so judgemental. Just because you were graced with the perfect child whose eyes light up and who bubbles forth giggles at your slightest touch DOESN'T mean the rest of us are so blessed.

Even though those days are over for me now (







!) how I remember days and nights exactly like that--dd wouldn't nurse, and SCREAMED as I bounced her, cuddled her, sushed her, rocked her, walked with her, drove around with her and felt absolutely paralyzed as to what to do!

Not all of us have babies that sleep like angels from day one on.


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

It sounds like some people here have not had the opportunity to read this article from Mothering.

Quote:

It is important to emphasize that the crying-in-arms approach is totally different from the cry-it-out approach: Your baby is with you at all times, so he will not experience any stress from separation. If you feel that you cannot respond compassionately to your baby's crying, try to find someone else to hold him rather than leaving him to cry alone. Your baby will not cry indefinitely. After the crying has run its course, your baby will probably fall asleep peacefully, or become calm and alert.
It also talks about the fact that crying in a loving parent's arms can actually be beneficial for a baby, allowing them to release pent-up stress.

It's a pity that this mom is being judged for finding a solution that responds compassionately to both her LO's need to cry and need for sleep.


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## calpurnia (Sep 26, 2004)

It's a pity that this mom is being judged for finding a solution that responds compassionately to both her LO's need to cry and need for sleep.[/QUOTE said:


> Indeed.
> 
> My dd sometimes cries for 2 hours when going to bed, if I stay with her & try to get her to nurse to sleep like normal. She sucks, screams, hits, vomits, sucks, screams, hits, vomits. It's HORRIBLE. If DP takes over, he walks her up & down crying for about 20 mins & she falls asleep. How is that less gentle?!
> 
> Well done, CandiFL!


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## Devaya (Sep 23, 2007)

I agree that crying-in-arms for a few minutes in the arms of a trusted parent is not harmful, and certainly not as harmful as hours of crying and extended bedtime agony for all involved. I think you need to look at the health and wellbeing of the whole family, and as long as CIO is not involved, there is quite a continuum of what is okay, and only the individuals involved can decide that. I find it a bit worrying that judgement has been passed on the OP for sharing something far preferable to many mainstream 'sleep training' approaches, and which was done, as far as I can see, in the most loving way possible. I have also read the 'crying in arms' literature and my impression is that research only shows harmful affects for _uncomforted_ crying, i.e. CIO.

I also think babies can fight sleep and that the crying (as long as they're with someone and being comforted) does not mean they are feeling abandoned and are being traumatised. My baby fights sleep and in fact he fights it less now that he is able to be put to sleep by his dad, too. With just me and the 'boob' it would take up to 2 hours sometimes ending up with both of us very frustrated. Thanks to the OP for sharing your story. We have recently made progress with virtually no crying and in accordance with DS's readiness, to do just what you describe. Unfort my partner works a lot of nights so this is not possible to do every night.


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## SimpleBean (Mar 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
I really didn't want to step into what's becoming a rather messy thread, but I have to comment on this. I would have loved to "never let my child for 2 hours", but some babies/toddlers just DO, no matter what you do. If you've never experienced this, that is wonderful for you.









:


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## Sasharna (Nov 19, 2008)

I'm still marveling over the fact that in this day and age when so much research indicates that the majority of a child's temperament is inborn, there are still people who will blame the _mother_ when she happens to have a baby who cries excessively.

OP, I feel for you. I'm also very happy that you were able to make this kind of progress. My ds was one of those rare babies who is overstimulated by too much touch at nighttime, so I know first hand how heartbreaking it is to try everything to soothe your crying baby, to no avail (for hours each day!), and then have a bunch of mamas with easier babies insinuate that the reason yours cries is that you're a horrible/ignorant/abusive parent.


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

Thank you all for the kind words. I was a little scared to come back and read the thread









I will give a quick update! DS is still going to sleep within 5 min of being put on the bed and (to my surprise) this is now happening for naps too. I am so glad we changed things up because we are all happier now.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lillymonster* 
Not worry about it? Let nature take it's course, know that they eventually will fall asleep by themselves on their own when they are ready?

I'm glad this works for you but as my child's mother, I know that he needs his sleep and leaving sleep up to him would end in a VERY cranky, tired boy. Trust me, I've tried it. It is my job to ensure my child is getting the sleep he needs.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I think it is great that your child is sleeping well now without crying now, but why was he crying for two hours with you? I think that this is something you need to think about and try to find what was happening.

I honestly don't know. We have had a routine for many months now. We eat dinner, take a bath, brush the teeth, read 3 or 4 books then it's bed time. As soon as I try to get him to sleep the crying starts. It doesn't matter what I do







I have talked to the ped a few times about it and he said DS is healthy as a horse and there is not much to be done unless I want to CIO which he does not support.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisabeeprague* 
That is a much better choice than leaving her to wander around trying to play, but being too tired to do so and crying constantly for hours on end.

Exactly. If we let DS make his bedtime, it would be 1am. Seriously. And he would not be a happy playing baby, he would be cranky and crying and frustrated with his toys.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peanutbuttercup* 
I also have to agree with OP, Limabean, and many others...There is no "letting" about it. My DD cries...in my arms...for up to 2 hours a night. There is nothing I can do about it, except comfort her like I always have.









I hope things can get easier for you too.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DianeAK* 
I think for those of us who have experienced "bad" sleepers, we know that it's easier to say, "Just deal with it!" than to actually, well, just deal with it! Exhaustion, frustration and concern inspire us to try different things.

Yes, it is harder just to deal with it! I hear this all.the.time. "well he will sleep eventually, you just need to deal with it". His sleep hasn't gotten any better but at least I have 2 hours of quiet down time at the end of the day which I never got before







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisabeeprague* 
It sounds like some people here have not had the opportunity to read this article from Mothering.

I have read that and thanks for linking to it again. I also heard Dr. Sears speak about a month ago and he was very clear that babies cry to show their emotions and when they are crying with a loving parent, there is nothing wrong with that. All the research shows that the harm is done when the baby is left to cry alone.








to all those who are dealing with non sleepers. It's so hard and I really understand your frustration.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

I think your approach was gentle, at least imho.
I used a similar approach for ds. He was a horrible sleeper, up until age 3.5 or so.
It would take me 3 hours to get him to sleep at one point, and my cuddling and talking to him resulted in him fighting sleep and becoming more and more hyper and agitated. I was so exhausted and resentful, it was awful.
If I had let him fall asleep when he was "ready" he'd stay up till 2a.m.
We followed the No Cry Sleep Solution and it worked nicely for us. Ds still came into bed with us, but he also slept in his own bed most of the night.

I don't think you need to be a martyr and neglect your own needs for sleep.
I also don't think CIO is acceptable. But there is a middle ground, and it looks like you found it, and it's improved bedtime for your whole family. I'm glad things are better!


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

I'm so happy that your LO is going to sleep tear free. It sounds like you have found something that works for all of you.

(I totally understand the cranky baby thing.... well, I've been outspoken enough about it... check out my DDDC)


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## guestmama9972 (Jun 5, 2003)

Sounds gentle to me. Does crying not equate to gentle parenting?

If you have never had a child who cries for long periods of time, no matter what you do, I'd be very careful about passing judgment on parents of "criers". My oldest used to cry like that and it was very difficult to parent her at times.

Some babies cry more than others, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. The important thing is to not just let them scream and scream with no interaction from you. Crying in the arms of a loving daddy is about as gentle as it gets. What a lucky baby to have such caring, thoughtful parents.

Good job, OP, on a very loving and gentle nighttime transition.


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## guestmama9972 (Jun 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I'm happy that he seems to have adjusted, but crying for extended periods for weeks does not sound gentle to me.

This comment surprised me. I guess I wouldn't consider 20 minutes "extended" after the little guy had been crying for two hours with his previous bedtime routine.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Miss Blue* 
This comment surprised me. I guess I wouldn't consider 20 minutes "extended" after the little guy had been crying for two hours with his previous bedtime routine.

It's possible I misunderstood the OP.

I read this:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CanidFL* 
DH had taken over putting DS to bed about a month ago. The night time routine was not working anymore. *It was taking me about 2 hours to get DS to sleep* and we were all miserable. *We wanted him to get used to going to sleep without nursing and eventually fall asleep on his own without being rocked, bounced, etc.*

to mean that getting him to sleep was a slow process that involved nursing or being rocked, bounced, etc. I did not understand it to say that he was crying for 2 hours. Rather that it took 2 hours of nursing, bouncing, rocking etc before he went to sleep. That's what I based my response on.

If indeed, it was not just that it was taking that long, but rather that it was 2 hours of crying WHILE she tried everything, then yes, this sounds more gentle.

I read it to mean that the OP wanted to change how things were and no longer wanted to nurse (etc) to sleep.

If I misunderstood and there was 2 hours of crying before- even with nursing and such, then yes, this does sound like an improvement.

-Angela


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

I can see how that was misunderstood. It wasn't 2 hours of quiet nursing/rocking/bouncing/etc. It was more like nurse for 5 min, scream and wiggle till I put him down, cry on the floor while hitting me to pick him up, biting my shoulder while I bounced him, clawing at my neck with his fingers, etc. That can get on anyone's nerves after 2 hours.

I also wanted to add that I ALWAYS let DS nurse for a good 30 min or so before bedtime and now that we are in the new routine, he knows this will be the last session and then it's sleep. I think we both appreciate the calm, cuddly nursing session at the end of the day. It's such a pleasure now to nurse him before sleep when I know I don't have to actually get him to sleep.


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