# I'm upset- (a bit tmi)-hospital report on baby



## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

I got my hospital report back today and just feel crushed. And still confused. Our baby was a boy Everything was ok except for something called lumbar sacral meningomyelocele.
That is the real confusing part. When I looked it up it's a type of spina bifita, but, that type would show a cyst on the ultrasound. We had two super clear u/s and the baby was perfectly fine-absolutely nothing wrong, no cysts, no odd things etc. The spine was perfect. I only found one article that it could be caused by some type of trauma. The only thing I can think of is maybe the damage to the spine was done in the process of going to the hospital?
My delivery-a little tmi- was my water broke at home, and then the baby was born. Standing in the bathroom I was petrified to move the baby and wrap it in something, because I was afraid it was still attached to me and I didn't want to start bleeding real bad or something. Plus just being in shock. So I kept my undies on and my mil helped me put shorts on, then had to walk to the car, go from car to wheelchair, wheelchair to hospital bed. So I'm wondering if in all that moving around, the spinal damage could have been done then?
No one would connect me to the pathologyst to ask-some privacy thing, even though I am the patient. My mw hadn't got back to me, and since it's the weekend will prob call on Monday I guess. I don't know if she would even be able to answer if it's possible the damage was after the birth.
I guess I just don't understand how two u/s showed the baby with no problems and then suddenly like 5 hours after the u/s there is this on the report. The second u/s we had was super detailed too, she was really checking the baby and everything to make sure all was ok, even though I was bleeding and ctxing.
So I feel crushed and blameful. If it some how wasn't some type of trauma then I feel like I should have been taking a double dose of my prenatal to make sure I had enough folic acid. But if it wasn't genetic, then I still blame myself because I was driving the car, which lead to the ctx and miscarriage.
I'm sorry I'm sort of venting. I'm so confused and upset and just feeling aweful.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I don't have any real words of wisdom except to say that I found that if I could blame someone or something, it made me feel like I had control. And if I could control the situation, I could stop it from happening again. It's sort of like magical thinking. It's much easier to think "A ha!" than it is to realize that we have no control over life sometimes. I blamed myself for a placental abruption. If I had only ________. It's part of the mind game of baby loss. I'm sorry you're here.


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## Mary-Beth (Nov 20, 2001)

I'm sorry for your loss. Oh so sorry.

It doesn't sound like the trauma could have happened just from moving around as you describe it here. Maybe the ultrasound missed something. Maybe you'll get more info when you discuss it with your Dr. and ask him/her why the us didn't show this??

Either way, please don't blame yourself. Often we want to blame someone and something as a way of digesting this situation internally and as a coping strategy. We often blame ourselves. We look for any thing we could have done differently and convinces ourselves it must have been what caused it.
At least that's what I did.

I hope you find the answers you seek.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Ultrasound techs miss things sometimes. It's certainly possible they missed it.

I'm so sorry, mama. I know the blame-game so very well. Big HUGS.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry. Maybe Dawn is right -sometimes ultrasound techs miss things, depending on the angle and position of the baby. ((hugs)) I hope you are able to find answers, it's so scary to not understand or not have reasons that we can blame...


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

Something like that develops as a baby develops in utero. Nothing you did caused that.







Did you have chromosomal testing done on the baby? That might tell you more. Spina bifida does occur with some of the trisomies & those have nothing to do with how much folic acid you do or don't take.

A friend of mine whose dd was stillborn had a perfectly normal 20 wk u/s. It wasn't until she was 32 weeks & had another u/s that they discovered multiple developmental defects including the most significant spina bifida that that u/s tech had ever seen. Ultrasounds are not perfect & they do miss things.

All the questions are hard. I found that I had to ask them though, and I had to find someone willing to answer them in order for me to move through my process of grief. The unknown is bigger and scarier then when you can rule out what to fear.


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## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

We never made it for testing yet. I was to have my first appt the week following the accident. We would have had blood work then. The did bw at the hospital, but not testing. They tested me for different infections that might have been causing the bleeding, but everything came back ok. I don't know why they didn't run tests for genetic on the baby to see if something was wrong at the same time. No one seemed to think of it.


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## oakparkveggie (May 7, 2004)

Yes, techs can miss things and no u/s is 100% conclusive. It is really tricky to see everything.


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## usolyfan (Jul 2, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself. Spina Bifida is a birth defect that takes place in the first 30 days of gestation. Before you probably even knew you were pregnant you baby's birth defect was already in place. There is no ONE cause of SB. There are many!


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