# tooth fairy alternatives?



## T. Elena (Nov 23, 2001)

Ugh. I hate this. We have a bunch of 4/5 y.o.s in our neighborhoods, and the moms recently had an impromptu discussion about going rates for tooth fairy visits. No one wants their kid to get short-changed, KWIM? The only problem is, I am inclined not to participate in this thing anyway.

I respect the good intent behind the tooth fairy tradition -- to give kids a way to feel positive about an event that might otherwise be frightening (losing a part of your body). On the other hand, I don't buy the argument that it's nice (if not important) to allow children to participate in such "fantasies." In my book, the natural world is full of wonder and mystery, esp. for kids, and you don't need to make stuff up in order to allow your child to experience "magic."

So I thought I'd roll out this tooth fairy story as a story, and let my kid decide if he wanted to participate. But, frankly, he was a little freaked out by the idea of a stranger entering his room at night and fishing around in his bed for a tooth that had fallen out of his mouth. He asked if we could put the tooth elsewhere, not in his room. And last night, he brought it up again. He asked me if the tooth fairy was real; I asked him what he thought. He said he doubted it. So I asked him who he thought would be switching the teeth out for cash . . . he looked puzzled, and asked, "God?" (Now that was a surprise! We're humanist-leaning Unitarian Universalists, and we hardly talk about God much.) Oh dear -- it just hasn't occurred to this sweet, trusting, usually very scientific boy that I would not simply tell him the truth.

So if it comes up again, I want to be prepared to just tell him the truth, because I feel like trust is at stake right now. He's not really buying into this fantasy, and apparently not enjoying it. But I would like to come up with an alternative to the tooth fairy scam . . . something that will help him celebrate this growing-up milestone. We could just treat it like a simple financial transaction, but that's not really the spirit I'm after.  Any ideas?

And has anyone else been through this? And if so, were you able to convince your child not to "spoil" the fantasty for his peers? Honestly, I'm worried about ticking off the other moms. And I'm sure this is going to come up soon around the whole Santa Claus thing, which I'm not inclined to "push" either.

Thanks!


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

I know how you feel mama. My son does not believe in santa Claus, and to answer one of your questions, he's been great about not telling his peers (we just explained to him that some people believe in diff things, and that when their mommies and daddies are ready, they will tell their children and that it's not our place to do so). same with the tooth fairy.

With my son, we plan on having somewhat of a holiday when he loses his tooth (he's 5 and a half, so we have a little time) complete with a small party (immed fam only) where he'll pick the foods (lol, maybe tooth shaped something or other) and we'll place the tooth in a special keepsake box. Maybe I'll buy him something special, or tell him that it's Daddy or I who will be leaving a special surprise coin (silver dollar) under his pillow.

I feel that it IS an important thing for kids, a rite of passage so to speak, but one that does not have to include a fantasy creature. Not to knock anyone who takes the tooth fairy route, but it's not our bag. Like you said, there is so much magic and wonder in real life that we don't see the need.









Hope this helps! Best Wishes,
Kelly


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## oldcrunchymom (Jun 26, 2002)

We don't do tooth fairy, Santa, Easter bunny, etc. My kids know who holiday presents are from. When my son loses teeth he puts them in a special box, but we don't do a ceremony or anything like that. People in my family don't start losing their teeth until age 8 so it would be kind of silly to start doing a "tooth fairy" at that point.


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## sovereignqueen (Aug 5, 2004)

hmmm....maybe reserch what the "tooth fairy" is in other counties, maybe yo'll find an alternitive there. The exchange student we had when I was a child said something about a little mouse taking the tooth (not that that is any more comforting than a stranger entering your room, LOL)


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## bunny's mama (Nov 19, 2001)

i have a friend who is kikuyu from kenya. when they lose a tooth, they get to go out to a special place all by themselves (their pick). then they throw the tooth behind their back and ask "Grandmother" (not their real grandmother, more of a spirit thing, i think she is meant to symbolize all the female ancestors) for nice healthy new teeth.


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## Book Addict Jen (Mar 1, 2004)

My kids know we are the tooth fairy, santa, etc... I do give him a dollar, so I can keep the tooth.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

I do what my mom did for me. I talk about the Tooth Fairy in a way that my kids completely know its me. Like I say "Wow, the Tooth Fairy is sure tired tonight, I hope she remembers to bring your money and present (we do presents)"

They just say "Oh, mom" and laugh


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## 13moons (Aug 9, 2002)

I also do the tooth fairy but they know it's me...same as some other posters. The tooth fairy idea sort of a symbol of the occassion and sometimes dd#2, who is 7 and very into fairies, likes to pretend its a real fairy and sometimes not. We have discussed whether its a boy or girl, how the heck the little fairy lugs those teeth out of there and, more importantly, what would a fairy do with all those teeth?! Its all in good fun and when you start talking about it, the whole idea is pretty silly and leads to lots of laughs.
We also do presents though because I did not like the whole "what's the going rate for a tooth" discussion and my kids aren't all that excited about $$. Plus, when dd#1 started losing teeth, she was just 5 and had lost 4 by the time she was 6 y.o. so money was nowhere near as cool to get as a new book or a small toy. (They always get a snazzy new toothbrush with the first lost tooth also.) That stuck and ever since, the "tooth fairy"







has brought little gifts.
So, if you want a way to celebrate the occassion in a meaningful way, a small gift as opposed to money might fit the bill (um, no pun intended) and maybe even a celebratory meal or something. Whatever you choose to do, I'm sure it will work well for your family. We do a lot of things differently than most people around here and my kids have just learned that different people celebrate holidays and honor special occasions in different ways and we must be respectful of those choices/traditions. So if that means they believe a real fairy comes into their home and takes their tooth and leaves money, then it is not our place to tell them they are wrong.
Good luck!


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## michelle1k (Jul 7, 2002)

I just saw this in a catalog today and thought of this thread: "Throw your tooth on the roof" is a title of a book that describes what children in other countries do. From the catalog: "when children in Botswana lose a tooth, they throw it onto the roof. In Afganistan they drop their teeth down mouse holes, and in Egypt they fling their teeth at the sun!"

Enjoy!









Michelle in NY


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