# Should I call CPS? WWYD??



## shells_n_cheese (Jun 8, 2009)

I am just wondering if what I am about to tell you warrants a call to CPS, or if I am just overreacting and need to mind my own business.

One of my sisters is a loser, to put it nicely. She has 3 kids--has no idea where 2 of them are (they are adults now) because she gave them up to their druggie father years ago (when they were still young children!). Yes, my family let this happen (I was a child myself), and as time passes, and I get older, I see my family just lets these awful things happen.

That same sister had another child (she planned it too!), and she is now 15. Needless to say, she doesn't have a relationship with her mother. They hate eachother. My sister conveniently lives next to our father, so my 15 yo. niece is ALWAYS over there, sleeps there, eats there, my dad would take her EVERYWHERE, even if my sister was home. My sister will actually call my father and have HIM bring her daughter places!! It's sickening! Oh, and my sister is an alcoholic, too.

So, my 15 yo niece is allowed to hitch rides with friends and walk miles to the next town (my sister let her walk BAREFOOT to the next town that was 5 or so miles away--with NO sidewalks and no shoulders on the roads). She is NEVER home. My sister often has no idea where she is, and doesn't care.

CPS was at my sister's house once years ago. I don't remember much, just that someone at school had called--not sure what happened as I was much younger and don't remember much if it. obviously, nothing came of it though.

So, now my 15 yo niece has her boyfriend (who is 17) living with my father. This boyfriend decided not to go with his mother who was moving. So, she let him stay. This kid is supposed to pay my dad weekly, but "couldn't" last week, due to not having work (he supposedly works construction). My niece sleeps there sometmes! My sister doesn't care. My dad NEVER would have allowed this with me or my other sisters--I think it may have something to do with my mother dying last year. he has changed SO MUCH. He admits he is lonely.

This boyfriend is a high school drop-out with NO PLAN. They origianlly say he was staying for a month or so-now its MARCH? I don't think so. My dad gets very defensive when I bring it up. I know he is a grown man and can make his own decisions, but I know he is being taken advantage of.

My sister doesn't even care that her daughter's BF lives with our father. Though the 15 yo does sleep at home much of the time during the school week, she also sleeps at my dad's. This means she is sleeping with the boy (who will be 18 soon, I guess).

Do I have a reaosn to call CPS? The neglect on my sister's part? My dad allowing them to live there? What would I say? Or do I need to mind my own business as I am so often told my my dad, and 15 yo niece.







Part of me is afraid to cause problems with the family, so I am hesitant to call.

WWYD?


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## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

I'm confused.. what would you be calling CPS about? The 15yo spending the night with her boyfriend? The 17yo living with someone other than his parent? Obviously this is not your ideal situation, but I don't think you have any grounds to call CPS.


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## jeminijad (Mar 27, 2009)

I don't think it warrants calling CPS.

In some states a 15 year old can get married w/a parent's signature.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

if you call, they will just tell you to mind your own business. once they are 15 cps mostly doesnt care. at least that has been my experience. i have a neice who did something real stupid just like this. i called just to get info on how i could help her. they said they wouldnt do anything. it might depend on the age of consent there, but you should mind your own business. or if you want to help, do so constructively.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

I'm not sure what CPS "could do for you" in this situation. What are you trying to accomplish?

Obviously this is a terrible situation but she is getting older and may have her mind made up about certain things. She may be on a path that you don't agree with, but I'm not sure someone on the outside to parent her like that would change her. If you feel she is crying for help, can you help?

I'm just saying that if she were a 2-year-old, I may have a different answer. I do get that a 15-year-old isn't an adult, but no one seems to be telling her no or she isn't listening.

I don't know what CPS would do other than remove her and I don't know how that would help. I"m sure more people who've dealt with CPS could be of more help.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

If you think they are taking unfair advantage of your Dad and he is a senior you can report that BUT they will ask him and if he says its okay and there is no signs of abuse, Im afraid your stuck.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

I wouldn't. Not ideal, but there is no abuse or true neglect (she is fed, clothed and has a home, right?). Nobody likes a visit from CPS and since I think nothing will happen/change as a result, you are risking further alienation.

eta: Just make sure that the girl knows you will be there for her if she needs someone.


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## Thalia the Muse (Jun 22, 2006)

The first preference with a good CPS dept., if a child absolutely must be removed, is to place them with a close family member. That's already kind of what's happened here -- niece's grandfather is right next door, looking out for her, and sheltering her when necessary. She does not sound like she is in immediate danger of abuse or neglect, because he is there to keep an eye out for her.

Is your goal to protect your minor niece? Because that is CPS' ONLY function in intervening -- they are not there to protect your father or to punish your sister for being an alcoholic or an unengaged parent. But it sounds to me like she is already being protected, even if the situation is not ideal for everyone involved. CPS is also not there to stop teenagers from having sex with their boyfriends, or from hitch-hiking.


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## shells_n_cheese (Jun 8, 2009)

Thanks for your replies. This is exactly why I posted here, to get unbiased advice as I am not sure what to do, if anything.

You all gave me a lot to think about.


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## shells_n_cheese (Jun 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeminijad* 
I don't think it warrants calling CPS.

In some states a 15 year old can get married w/a parent's signature.

We live in CT. Under 16 is statutory rape.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I'm usually fairly quick to say "call CPS". But I agree that there doesn't seem to be much to call CPS about. A 15 year old sleeping with her 17 year old boyfriend is old news.

What I would do is sit down with my niece if at all possible and make sure she's well informed about birth control and STDs. Take her to Planned Parenthood if you can.

You might also find out what the age of consent is in your state. When the boy turns 18, it's theoretically possible that he could be charged with statutory rape for having sex with a 15 year old. But I don't think that is reason to call CPS. It's a reason to have a word with both kids about the importance of safe sex.

I'm afraid this is mostly a case of MYOB, but make sure your niece knows how to stay safe.


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

If you did call, I'd ask for supports like counselling if she needed it, a mentor, etc. but I don't know if I see an urgent 'need' to call...


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I wouldn't call. You have absolutely no proof that they are sleeping together (although it sounds like it, but still you don't know). This isn't your child, this isn't your choice. If your dad has a problem with it, it's his call.

Your sister may not be the parent you want her to be, but she's still the parent here.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

I wouldn't call, but I *WOULD* call around and see if you can find her some additional support resources. Does her school have a program for "at-risk" kids? Being somewhat transient in housing, she might qualify there, but they might not realize she's transient-ish because it's likely her official mailing address hasn't changed. Planned Parenthood is a good idea if she's sexually active.


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## Banana731 (Aug 4, 2006)

It might be best to focus your efforts on a discussion with your niece about birth control, and help her get whatever she'd prefer to use


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shells_n_cheese* 
We live in CT. Under 16 is statutory rape.

Do you believe HE is so abusive and dangerous for her that you would want him to go to prison for rape and be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PoppyMama* 
Do you believe HE is so abusive and dangerous for her that you would want him to go to prison for rape and be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.











I hope that was a statement of fact, instead of an "aha moment". I abhor seeing kids lives get ruined over stupid applications of statutory rape laws







(which is not to say that all applications of such laws are invalid...)


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## Jessnet (Apr 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shells_n_cheese* 
We live in CT. Under 16 is statutory rape.


But only if the other partner is ALSO two years older. BF is just under the age limit.

Connecticut

§ 53a-70 (a)(2)

§ 53a-71 (a)(1)

"Second-degree sexual assault to have sexual intercourse with a person between ages 13 and 16 *if the actor is more than two years older*"


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## shells_n_cheese (Jun 8, 2009)

Okay, calm down. I do not plan on, and never have planned on, calling in statutory rape. I was simply replying to a poster's statement. I don't even know if they are having sex.


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

Seriously, calling this statutory rape is ridiculous - your ruining a kids life cause' he wants to have sex with his gf. I *hate* statutory rape laws for this reason. I'd say its safe to say that most of us had sex before we were 18. Quite a few before we were 16, or had a boyfriend who was 18+ - and it *was* consentual. To call it anything but is a disgrace to the rape laws and utterly humiliatingly wrong on the 'rapists' part - because then they are labeled as "sex offenders" for the *REST OF THEIR LIVES* - that is to say, their lives are *EFFECTIVELY RUINED* - over sex with gf/bf. Who freaking cares.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i dont get it. what exactly are you complaining about?

walking barefoot for miles? that is a preference for many people. my dd prefers walking barefoot. however without a shoulder on the road or pavement i can see the safety issue.

in many houses an under 18 year old bf staying with gf is allowed - esp. if the boy has an unhappy family situation.

well yeah so your sister is not taking care of her responsibilities. but her dad fills in for her.

it seems to me its a whole big problem for you, but not for them. it seems all the others are happy with how the situation is. except you.

so i am not sure what exactly you find inappropriate. it seems you are getting upset about things that is 'none of your business'.

however i like how pp said to keep your niece informed about birth control and pp.


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## shells_n_cheese (Jun 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamadelbosque* 
Seriously, calling this statutory rape is ridiculous - your ruining a kids life cause' he wants to have sex with his gf. I *hate* statutory rape laws for this reason. I'd say its safe to say that most of us had sex before we were 18. Quite a few before we were 16, or had a boyfriend who was 18+ - and it *was* consentual. To call it anything but is a disgrace to the rape laws and utterly humiliatingly wrong on the 'rapists' part - because then they are labeled as "sex offenders" for the *REST OF THEIR LIVES* - that is to say, their lives are *EFFECTIVELY RUINED* - over sex with gf/bf. Who freaking cares.

??? Did you not just read my prior post? I NEVER said it was statutory rape. I was only replying to a poster's comment about stautory rape laws in certain states.

I will say it again: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY ARE HAVING SEX. Calm. Down.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shells_n_cheese* 
??? Did you not just read my prior post? I NEVER said it was statutory rape. I was only replying to a poster's comment about stautory rape laws in certain states.

I will say it again: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY ARE HAVING SEX. Calm. Down.

i dont think she saw it. i think she was writing her message when you posted your reply.


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

I understand your concern, really I do. I see pregnant teens all the time, in situations like this. I see teen dads all the time. Its sad to me, but its happening. Your father seems happy that he has the company, even though he may be taken advantage of, he might not care.
The best thing you can do, as an aunt, is support your niece. Discuss birth control. Hang out with her like a mom would, be there for her. I didnt have any mom when I was a teen, and my aunt was like my mom. I owe her a lot.
And try to be grateful, at least you know your teen is safe at your dads. I see terrible situations where teens are living with their friends in condemned houses on their own, runaways, etc....


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I know you're worried about these kids, but I think at this point CPS is not going to be of much help. I'm sorry. It must be so frustrating to watch that happen. If I were you, I'd offer concrete, real support: "I really believe you have a lot of potential no matter what anyone might say. If you ever want to go to college, let me know, and I'll help you with the papers." Or something. Help the boy find a real job.

In my opinion that would be much more useful than calling CPS.


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## shells_n_cheese (Jun 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I know you're worried about these kids, but I think at this point CPS is not going to be of much help. I'm sorry. It must be so frustrating to watch that happen. If I were you, I'd offer concrete, real support: "I really believe you have a lot of potential no matter what anyone might say. If you ever want to go to college, let me know, and I'll help you with the papers." Or something. Help the boy find a real job.

In my opinion that would be much more useful than calling CPS.

You are right. I am not going to call CPS. I will be there for her--that's all I can do. I just don't want her life going in the wrong direction.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

What is your concern, exactly? Is it that you don't want them to have sex and you think it's more likely that they will if he's living with her grandfather?


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## Catubodua (Apr 21, 2008)

i'm glad she has someone worried about her.

i don't think a call to CPS will help. but, i would make her an appointment at planned parenthood and take her there to get her on birth control (if she is not already) and discuss ways to prevent STD's.

start the conversation with her "i wish someone had done this for me when i was 15 ... " and leave your thoughts about the current living situation out of it.

best of luck


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## candycat (Jun 20, 2010)

CPS is for abused or truly neglected, helpless kids, that have no one else to speak up for them.

It is not for policing family situations of teens whose behaviors or home lives you're not happy with.

Just think if you called CPS on this matter and the time it took to investigate it took away from a REAL emergent case where some little kids DID need CPS's help.

I don't see why you'd involve a government agency in this situation. I second (third fourth etc) what the other posters said - you can be a helpful aunt by providing information that could prevent pregnancy, be a friendly ear to talk to, etc. That's all, really. Otherwise it's not REALLY and TRULY your business what relationship your niece has with her boyfriend - unless she is being abused in some way. Which it doesn't sound like she is.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

no, I wouldn't call CPS over this. No way no how. Heck, when I was 15 I had a 19 yo boyfriend (of course, I lived in a healthy, happy home - but still).


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shells_n_cheese* 
You are right. I am not going to call CPS. I will be there for her--that's all I can do. I just don't want her life going in the wrong direction.

You sound like a very loving person and your niece is lucky to have you in her life. All you can do is offer support when she needs it and hope that in time, she learns from her mother's mistakes without making too many horrible ones of her own.


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

*


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Ditto Cascadian and others who pointed out how lucky your neice is that she has someone who really cares about her and wants to see her happy and safe.

While I agree that I'm not sure what you'd say to CPS if you did call (and therefore don't think calling CPS is the answer), I never EVER believe that when a child is in a concerning situation (and walking 5 miles alone to other towns and hitchhiking are concerning behaviors in a 15 yr old) that adults who care should "mind their own business". The main question is HOW you try to help.

I agree with everyone who said have a frank conversation with her about your concerns (sex, hitching, heck even tell her what you think of her boyfriend - you can't make her stop dating him but she should hear from an adult who cares if you have concerns). But ALSO talk to her about what you hope for her, how you hope she feels about herself and her life in 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 20 yrs. We don't talk enough to kids (especially older teens) about our hopes and dreams for them and often in these situations they don't have anyone who's particularly future-focused. They need that perspective. It's not about telling her you think she should be a doctor or a lawyer... it's about whatever you hope she'll be able to choose for herself and that she'll be stable and happy (I'm guessing that's what you'd want for her, but whatever it is, share it with her).

And definitely ditto talking openly with her about sex and if she's sexually active, taking her to Planned Parenthood and helping her protect herself from pregnancy and STDs.

Good luck, she's lucky you care so much and hopefully she'll be open to hearing your concerns.


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## bella99 (Sep 25, 2008)

I'm glad that you've decided not to call CPS on this. The threshold for CPS involvement in the case of a 15 year old is much higher than that of a younger child (I work in foster care).

Unfortunately, here, what you are talking about is bad parenting, not abuse or neglectful (legally speaking) parenting. The difference between the two is key.

Also, I support all the PP who suggested talking to your niece about safe sex, and getting her to Planned Parenthood. It sounds like her mother isn't helpful, and I doubt your father wants to talk to his granddaughter about sex (or she, him), but you may be able to get in there.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

ha, you'd die if you lived where I live. You would have to call CPS on pretty much every family on my block.

I'm so sorry for your niece. It sounds like she really has a rough situation and is coping the best way that she can. There are two teenage girls on our street whose mom regularly locks them out for hours so she can have sex with her current man of the day. There is a 13 yo girl on my corner whose dad is a functioning alcoholic, so she runs away aout once a month because he "pisses her off." Oh and she is screwing his brother, her "uncle" (her "dad" is not her bio dad), but no one can prove it because she won't admit it, even though it's pretty obvious.

All of these girls frequent my house. I can't call CPS....they would just end up in some nasty group home somewhere;how would that help them? And honestly CPS wouldn't care much. So I just let them come over and hang out and play with my kids and they vent about their families, and then they go home.

your niece's situation is a shame, it really is. But I fail to see what the reason or purpose would be of calling CPS. What would you tell them? and what outcome would you be hoping for?


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## zippy_francis (Jan 9, 2008)

I would totally agree that situation is not something I would want for my kids. But I agree with pp, what can CPS really do? There really isnt neglect. Bad choices by your sister and your dad, but not really CPS worthy.

I have a similar situation with a few of my nieces/nephews (on DH side) that drink, do drugs, sleep around, come and go as they please, drop out of school and dont contribute anything to the family i.e. getting a job, chores etc. Basically taking advantage of their mom, but hey, she lets em. So my sympathy runs thin.

I can just tell you from personal experience, if you are ready to deal with everyone being upset and not wanting to be around you (for fear you might call again) then go ahead, but I doubt you will find it worth it. I had something similar happen in my family where siblings were paying FAR to much attention to the other's children and their parenting, even documenting it. In the end CPS was called and now people dont talk. Even years later, and I doubt it will ever get better. For the record, the CPS case was closed with nothing found to be wrong with the parenting, maybe not what I would do, but not true abuse or neglect.

I feel what you are saying, I dont agree with those behaviors either. But I would say, for me, unless it is obvious neglect or abuse, just leave it alone.

Dont meddle if you arent ready to deal with the repercussions.


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## zippy_francis (Jan 9, 2008)

Also, wanted to add that I agree with pp. Be the positive in her life. Be a good influence if even indirectly. Talk to her about safe behavior and show her that someone does care for her, by helping her make good choices. She has a terrible example for a mom and even though she doesnt live with you I think she can learn to trust and respect your judgement because it comes from a good place, and that will help her to respect herself more when she knows someone truly cares for her wellbeing.

Her mom, just disgusting example to me. Unfortunately, there are far too many people in the world like that.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

If you call CPS they can start the ball rolling on getting the boy under statutory rape laws in a few months. I think the situation is sad and angering, but no not CPS worthy.

http://www.infoline.org/InformationL...0Rape%20fj.asp
Charges may be filed by:

the victim
the victim's parents or guardians
the State's Attorney
Even if the victim or the victim's parents refuse to cooperate, the State's Attorney can still file criminal charges against the other person. Also, the victim's parents may file charges even if the victim does not want to file charges.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
If you call CPS they can start the ball rolling on getting the boy under statutory rape laws in a few months. I think the situation is sad and angering, but no not CPS worthy.

http://www.infoline.org/InformationL...0Rape%20fj.asp
Charges may be filed by:

the victim
the victim's parents or guardians
the State's Attorney
Even if the victim or the victim's parents refuse to cooperate, the State's Attorney can still file criminal charges against the other person. Also, the victim's parents may file charges even if the victim does not want to file charges.

Why would anyone actually do that?


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

I wouldn't call CPS but if you have a good relationship with your niece you may want to take her out for lunch and discuss being responsible in regards to sex and other areas of her life. She's fortunate to have an aunt who cares enough. Instead of calling CPS, call her regularly. She probably is longing for a motherly figure who can help direct and guide her.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
I can't call CPS....they would just end up in some nasty group home somewhere;how would that help them?

My thoughts exactly. I think she'd be exposed to more awful stuff in a group home than she's getting exposed to right now.

Also, though the situation doesn't sound that great, I can't imagine thinking in terms of "letting" or "not letting" my 15yo walk someplace barefoot.

Gosh I just think that by that age they'll know whether they want to wear shoes!


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I'm not that up on statutory rape laws, but I thought that if the kids were within like 3 years age it wasn't considered statutory rape? I guess that must not be the case everywhere? I don't honestly even know the law here as this isn't an issue I've had to deal with. Anyway, that doesn't meet my personal belief of what statutory rape is. I'd hate to see some 17-year-old's life ruined over a consensual relationship with a girl so close to his age. And I agree there are troubling things going on, but not CPS worthy.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
If you call CPS they can start the ball rolling on getting the boy under statutory rape laws in a few months. I think the situation is sad and angering, but no not CPS worthy.

http://www.infoline.org/InformationL...0Rape%20fj.asp
Charges may be filed by:

the victim
the victim's parents or guardians
the State's Attorney
Even if the victim or the victim's parents refuse to cooperate, the State's Attorney can still file criminal charges against the other person. Also, the victim's parents may file charges even if the victim does not want to file charges.

Why on Earth would she want to do that? It certainly does not sound like the BF is coercing anything or having any major negative effect. Yet, it seems that you are advocating for essentially DESTROYING his life.

Not to mention it may not even accomplish anything, if PP was correct about the age span being a factor...


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
Why would anyone actually do that?

People get their panties in a wad about many things. Teen sex is one of them







It is why we need reform in state rape laws, teen sex, sex offender laws, and technology.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

While it all sounds frustrating, I'm not seeing something that CPS would be able to help you with.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
People get their panties in a wad about many things. Teen sex is one of them







It is why we need reform in state rape laws, teen sex, sex offender laws, and technology.

IN-freaking-DEED...


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Why on Earth would she want to do that? It certainly does not sound like the BF is coercing anything or having any major negative effect. Yet, it seems that you are advocating for essentially DESTROYING his life.

Not to mention it may not even accomplish anything, if PP was correct about the age span being a factor...

I think I am being misunderstood. If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney. There for starting the ball on someone else doing something about the relationship, that shouldn't be an issue at all. A 15 year old and 18 year old does not bother me one bit. That is a freshman and a JR or SR in high school.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
I think I am being misunderstood. If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney. There for starting the ball on someone else doing something about the relationship, that shouldn't be an issue at all. A 15 year old and 18 year old does not bother me one bit. That is a freshman and a JR or SR in high school.

Yep... good perspective...

Thanks for the clarification


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
I think I am being misunderstood. If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney. There for starting the ball on someone else doing something about the relationship, that shouldn't be an issue at all. A 15 year old and 18 year old does not bother me one bit. That is a freshman and a JR or SR in high school.

Got ya. I thought you were telling her to call and get him brought up on charges. I'm glad I was wrong. The way statutory rape laws are sometimes used is an insult to teenagers and victims of actual rape.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:

If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney
.

I agree and this is what I got from the original post of this person. And yes, it will destroy this young man's life. I hate it when any crime must be stated and used against a person after that person has already served her or his sentence, and statutory rape laws used this way, as well as bar fights that go to felony charges, really make me sad. Let a person serve his time and move on.


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## bella99 (Sep 25, 2008)

Here in NY, the difference in ages can be used for what is called an "affirmative defense". Which is to say, that if a 15 year old is having sex with a 17 or 18 year old, because the 15 year old is not yet the age of consent and the other person is, the older person can still be charged with a crime, but can use the age difference between the two parties as an "affirmative defense" and charges are generally dropped. In NY, the age difference must be less than 3 years, 9 months I believe.

I work in foster care (as I said, sorry to repeat) and I was told by a work at another agency that a 16 year old boy on her caseload was currently in detention for having sex with his 15 year old girlfriend, even though it was consensual, and even though the parents of the girl were aware and supported the relationship. There was a feeling that an disapproving friend or school administrator had made some sort of call. They expected the charges to be dropped because of the age difference, but in the meantime, this kid was in JAIL for having sex with his girlfriend.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
ha, you'd die if you lived where I live. You would have to call CPS on pretty much every family on my block.

I'm so sorry for your niece. It sounds like she really has a rough situation and is coping the best way that she can. There are two teenage girls on our street whose mom regularly locks them out for hours so she can have sex with her current man of the day. *There is a 13 yo girl on my corner whose dad is a functioning alcoholic, so she runs away aout once a month because he "pisses her off." Oh and she is screwing his brother, her "uncle" (her "dad" is not her bio dad), but no one can prove it because she won't admit it, even though it's pretty obvious.*

All of these girls frequent my house. I can't call CPS....they would just end up in some nasty group home somewhere;how would that help them? And honestly CPS wouldn't care much. So I just let them come over and hang out and play with my kids and they vent about their families, and then they go home.

your niece's situation is a shame, it really is. But I fail to see what the reason or purpose would be of calling CPS. What would you tell them? and what outcome would you be hoping for?

Just for the record, I know of very FEW CPS's that would NOT care that a 13 yr old was having sex with what I assume is an adult man. It does matter, and many states would screen that in (i.e. investigate it). I know you have strong feelings about not calling CPS, but I don't want the mistaken info out there that in general most CPSs would not care about that, because it isn't true. What would happen should CPS get involved is a different question, and varies from state to state and even from CPS office to CPS office. But it is not a situation that most would turn away from.


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

OP, if that's all there is to the story, I would not call CPS. When I was 15 I lived with my boyfriend because it was a better situation there than in my own home. We were sexually active, but we were safe and slept in separate bedrooms in his house.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
ha, you'd die if you lived where I live. You would have to call CPS on pretty much every family on my block.

I'm so sorry for your niece. It sounds like she really has a rough situation and is coping the best way that she can. There are two teenage girls on our street whose mom regularly locks them out for hours so she can have sex with her current man of the day. *There is a 13 yo girl on my corner whose dad is a functioning alcoholic, so she runs away aout once a month because he "pisses her off." Oh and she is screwing his brother, her "uncle" (her "dad" is not her bio dad), but no one can prove it because she won't admit it, even though it's pretty obvious.*

All of these girls frequent my house. I can't call CPS....they would just end up in some nasty group home somewhere;how would that help them? And honestly CPS wouldn't care much. So I just let them come over and hang out and play with my kids and they vent about their families, and then they go home.

your niece's situation is a shame, it really is. But I fail to see what the reason or purpose would be of calling CPS. What would you tell them? and what outcome would you be hoping for?

actually cps would care about that. 13 is nowhere near the age of consent. and with an adult man? that iis a pedophile. would a group home be worse than what she has right now?


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