# Saying "Yes, Ma'am/ Yes, Sir"? Regional? Polite? Outdated?



## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

I'm from Colorado, now living in Oregon. Ma'am and Sir weren't something we grew up with, though I'm sure my dad would have liked it if we called him sir.







I don't hear kids here using either term. Do kids where you live say ma'am and sir? How do they address adults? Do you think that ma'am/sir is polite? Or is it outdated?


----------



## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

I, for one, would be taken aback if a kid called me "ma'am"!







It's bad enough enough when a store clerk does it, it makes me feel old!









It isn't that common here in the Midwest either, really. We don't really use titles like that at all, just speak directly with please/thank you/excuse me as necessary.


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think it's outdated mostly except when trying to be polite so you don't get a ticket or when in the military where it is required.


----------



## Moonridden (Mar 12, 2012)

It's absolutely common here. I'm not just in the South, but in a _military town_ in the South. The kids in public school are all taught to address their teachers as ma'am (or sir, not that there's a plethora of make teachers here). I hear kids call their parents sir/ma'am all the time.

I am originally from WA state, so the whole thing seems ridiculous and antiquated to me. Also, I HATE being called ma'am. HATE IT.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I think it's outdated and/or regional. People just don't talk that way around here, and it would sound excessively formal. DH used to say "ma'am" to servers in restaurants and such (he's from TN), and it actually made me feel vaguely uncomfortable. Some of the servers - mostly in the hotel based restaurants - took it without a second thought, but I did see the occasional one give him an odd look.

I'm not really a big fan of the "children as inferiors" school of manners, so I wouldn't even think of teaching kids to use "sir" and "ma'am". Around here, most people give kids their first names. My kids, for instance, use first names for the parents of all their friends. DD1 has one neighbourhood friend whom she's known since they were about three and four. I didn't even know her dad's last name until about a year and a half ago. Things are just very loose around here.


----------



## LLQ1011 (Mar 28, 2012)

I call children and all of my employees ma'am and sir. as well as my partner and my kid. Idk.i always like using it. My son is little sir.


----------



## Mylie (Mar 15, 2004)

When I lived in the South it was pretty traditional...My L was taught in daycare and school to address adults with Ma'm,Sir and Miss or Mr....I was okay with it..Just a form or respect...Now that we are living back in the North I don't hear it from anybody else..lol But my L still says it...My relatives love to hear her talk..she has been here a year so she has lost her southern twang but not her manners...lol And I also say Yes Ma'm to her....


----------



## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

My kids were little in the South. Manners matter there. Now we live in Portland , Or. People are polite/nice but very seldom do you hear ma'm and sir. You will hear "excuse me" or "no worries". Or "so sorry" if accidentally bumped.


----------



## HelpNeeded (Jul 18, 2013)

We live in the South, so, as others have said, ma'am and sir are commonly heard. It's respectful. My son has fallen out of the habit, but my daughter still uses ma'am and sir with everyone except her close friends, regardless of their age. I think it's a martial arts thing. They are all about respect.


----------



## HelpNeeded (Jul 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> I'm not really a big fan of the "children as inferiors" school of manners, so I wouldn't even think of teaching kids to use "sir" and "ma'am".


It doesn't have to be about children being inferior. My daughter was taught to use ma'am and sir with everyone to show respect (not by me, but by her taekwondo instructors). She even says ma'am or sir to little kids, which seems a bit weird, but she is so used to it.


----------



## mamabear0314 (May 13, 2008)

I'm from Tx, it's normal here. I don't make my kids say it but other people encourage them to so they do most of the time.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *HelpNeeded*
> 
> It doesn't have to be about children being inferior. My daughter was taught to use ma'am and sir with everyone to show respect (not by me, but by her taekwondo instructors). She even says ma'am or sir to little kids, which seems a bit weird, but she is so used to it.


Fair enough. I've never seen it used that way - only used to reinforce the adult's superior social position. I've always found the "sir" and "ma'am" stuff a bit bizarre, but I was also raised in an area where one just doesn't hear it very much.


----------



## mamabear0314 (May 13, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> Fair enough. I've never seen it used that way - only used to reinforce the adult's superior social position. I've always found the "sir" and "ma'am" stuff a bit bizarre, but I was also raised in an area where one just doesn't hear it very much.


It's along the lines of saying please and thank you here. Just something you say because it's polite.


----------



## cali2tx (Feb 19, 2013)

Its very common in here in West Texas. We're not native Texans but assume our daughter will grow up saying 'Yes sir' and 'thank you ma'am.' Its just the culture here. Everyone also seems to encourage their kids to call grown ups 'Miss Becky' 'Miss Stephanie' etc.


----------



## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

It's not commonly heard in the places I've lived, but I confess that I think it's adorable when I hear it from children. I haven't taught my own children to say it so I don't think it's particularly rude not to say it and I don't think it's particularly subservient to say it.


----------



## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

I live in the Northeast and ma'am and sir is no typically heard across the board. It isn't unusual for a store clerk (or anyone unfamiliar) to say "ma'am" or sir to someone to get their attention but I would find it very strange to hear a young child use either term.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cali2tx*
> 
> Its very common in here in West Texas. We're not native Texans but assume our daughter will grow up saying 'Yes sir' and 'thank you ma'am.' Its just the culture here. *Everyone also seems to encourage their kids to call grown ups 'Miss Becky' 'Miss Stephanie' etc.*


The "Miss" thing really rubs me the wrong way. There is a group of moms in town that started the Miss business. As far as I know, none of them are from the South.

I alienated myself when I told one mother that if she wanted her child to not call me by my first name, that was fine but please call me Mrs. (last name) not Miss Caneel. To me, Miss is a label for an unmarried woman or a 20 yo babysitter or preschool teacher, not a mid-40s married woman. I continued to correct the mother and child to the point of many eye rolls, I just could not stand the sound of it.


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

I live in the Northwest. Here in the white community, it is rarely or never heard. But in the African-American community, it is fairly common - a sign of respect, politeness, of being "raised right". Perhaps from families with Southern roots. I find it cute here, but it made me uncomfortable when I lived in rural Georgia. There, racism was overt, and it felt like another little way of maintaining distance between races, ages, whatever.

When I lived in France, I learned that it was considered rude to to answer a question or greet a person, without their name or the equivalent of sir or ma'am. They never taught that in high school French! But that was 40 years ago, and could have changed since then for all I know.


----------



## simonsez2u (May 30, 2010)

I think it is a regional/ cultural thing. I live in the South and we say it. I'm a grown woman and I still say it to my elders. It's considered polite and a show of respect here. I teach my kids to say it as well.


----------



## tinuviel_k (Apr 29, 2004)

Here in the northwest I've yet to hear a sir or ma'am pass anyone's lips, unless it is involving someone in the military. My husband used to use oretty formal language as a youngster even thiugh he grew up in the Northwest. he just liked formality and gestures of respect. But when he was working in a sub sandwich shop as a teen, a woman once pulled the knife out of his hand and threatened him with it for calling her ma'am. Apparently she thought it made her sound old. Now he won't call ANYONE ma'am!

The children in my daughter's public school are encouraged to call the teachers and school staff by their first name. My daughter really seemed to want a bit more formality and would address them as Teacher Annnie, Teacher Rich, etc. now that she is getting older and no one else is doing it she's switched to the simple first name.

Most of our adult friends would be hideously uncomfortable if she addressed them with a formal total, so we are on first name basis with almost everyone.


----------



## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

I am going to teach my kids only to say "sir" or "ma'am" when they're being sarcastic. LOL just kidding. Honestly, though, growing up in the Hispanic culture where such formal language is actually built in, I confess it gets on my nerves. I know it is my stuff but I still feel the "children are inferior" thing when I hear such language. I want my kids to
bow to no one! I realize I am going overboard but I just want them to know they are equal with every single person.

When I was a social worker I was addressed as "Miss" dalia. Totally fine with that. We call our doctors by their first name, like "Dr. Jack" and "Dr. Jill".


----------



## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

Common here, and has absolutely nothing to do with equality. Just a polite custom...really! My kids use it, yes, but are often addressed as "Ma'am" by their technical elders.
We're a strange little pocket of "south" though; no one here really uses Mr & Mrs. even as we Ma'm and Sir the hell out of each other. I can't think of anyone my kids aren't on a first name basis with.
I have gotten a few strange/offended reactions...always listen to the accent before using!


----------



## michelleepotter (Apr 8, 2013)

I don't think it's at all about children being inferior. It's just a quaint artifact of the culture here (in Coastal Texas). I know LOTS of parents who say, "Yes, sir," and "No, ma'am," _to their children_ as a way of teaching them -- similar to the way most parents will call each other Momma and Daddy when the kids are around. My grandparents _still_ call each other Mom and Dad.
Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Caneel*
> 
> I live in the Northeast and ma'am and sir is no typically heard across the board. It isn't unusual for a store clerk (or anyone unfamiliar) to say "ma'am" or sir to someone to get their attention but I would find it very strange to hear a young child use either term.
> 
> ...


My kids call adults who aren't relatives or close friends Miss or Mr. Firstname, but I would consider it incredibly rude to continue using that form of address if someone had asked them not to. Especially if someone asked to be called Mrs. Lastname. I've always told my kids, "If someone asks you to call them X, then you respect their request." The whole point of teaching certain forms of address is RESPECT, after all!


----------



## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

We don't use "sir" or "ma'am", but I teach my children to respect all people. When we meet adults I'll introduce them to my kids as, "This is Firstname Lastname. They may want to be called Title Lastname, you will have to ask them what they prefer."

When we're walking out and about and the kids need to watch our for someone I'll say, "Watch out for that lady," or "Watch out for that gentleman." They say "Excuse me," to get an adult's attention, and they expect to get it. It's very frustrating for me and them when they're ignored by adults.


----------



## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *philomom*
> 
> My kids were little in the South. Manners matter there. Now we live in Portland , Or. People are polite/nice but very seldom do you hear ma'm and sir. You will hear "excuse me" or "no worries". Or "so sorry" if accidentally bumped.


I think manners matter in most places, it's just that the social norms of what "manners" are differs from place to place. Where I live, saying "Yes sir" or "Yes ma'am" is borderline ... I don't want to say rude, but it would make someone uncomfortable, like they might think you were being sarcastic.


----------



## michelleepotter (Apr 8, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *limabean*
> 
> I think manners matter in most places, it's just that the social norms of what "manners" are differs from place to place. Where I live, saying "Yes sir" or "Yes ma'am" is borderline ... I don't want to say rude, but it would make someone uncomfortable, like they might think you were being sarcastic.


I agree with this. As a teenager, I went with my best friend to visit her mom in France. I was told that it was rude to just wave at all of my friends when arriving at a gathering -- I was supposed to personally greet each person with a kiss. In Texas, people like to get a hug, but no one expects a kiss, and waving is just fine. But you sure couldn't say manners "don't matter" in Texas. They're just different.


----------



## myra1 (Jan 20, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Caneel*
> 
> I live in the Northeast and ma'am and sir is no typically heard across the board. It isn't unusual for a store clerk (or anyone unfamiliar) to say "ma'am" or sir to someone to get their attention but I would find it very strange to hear a young child use either term.
> Quote:
> ...


We do the Miss Firstname thing and I never thought about it as odd! Mrs. Lastname sounds so old and stodgy like my MIL! I'm not ready for that from a child!

Plus we moms call each other by our firstnames so it's clearer to LO's who mom's talking about. And as they get older, it puts less emphasis on how many moms don't share a last name with their child.


----------



## cali2tx (Feb 19, 2013)

I have mixed feelings on the Miss Firstname. I kept my maiden name & my daughter has my husband's last name. We're still new here & I don't think many have figured this out yet. I don't need to be called 'Sarah's Mommy' but I don't love the idea of random kids from play group or storytime calling me by my first name. I just don't have a problem with my friends' kids calling me by my first name like thier parents do.

I have been trying to teach my daughter to use Miss Firstname when I notice they've had their kids use Miss for me.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Regional, polite. I grew up saying ma'am and sir and please and thank you and would you be so kind, and all those little niceties. Most folks around here do not; it's very brusque. I like the way polite talk sounds, I have DD call her teachers Teacher So and So and Ms. Firstname or Mr. Firstname, and such, but I've resigned myself to the idea that my daughter will probably talk more like her dad than like me - and he doesn't have really any of those little social graces. Oh well.


----------



## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cyclamen*
> 
> Regional, polite. I grew up saying ma'am and sir and please and thank you and would you be so kind, and all those little niceties. Most folks around here do not; it's very brusque. I like the way polite talk sounds, I have DD call her teachers Teacher So and So and Ms. Firstname or Mr. Firstname, and such, but I've resigned myself to the idea that my daughter will probably talk more like her dad than like me - and he doesn't have really any of those little social graces. Oh well.


Just to be clear, most people who live in regions in which "ma'am" and "sir" are uncommon don't completely do away with politeness! We simply conform to the cultural niceties of *our* area. Please and thank you aren't regional customs the way sir and ma'am are.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *limabean*
> 
> Just to be clear, most people who live in regions in which "ma'am" and "sir" are uncommon don't completely do away with politeness! We simply conform to the cultural niceties of *our* area. Please and thank you aren't regional customs the way sir and ma'am are.


Around here many people do not say please and thank you so much. They aren't doing it to be rude, they just don't say it. They communicate politeness in other ways, or they have other ways of determining what is polite. To me it sounds rude, but not to anyone who grew up around here. There's also a lot of sarcasm and brusqueness and people don't friendly talk on the street.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *michelleepotter*
> 
> My kids call adults who aren't relatives or close friends Miss or Mr. Firstname, but I would consider it incredibly rude to continue using that form of address if someone had asked them not to. Especially if someone asked to be called Mrs. Lastname. I've always told my kids, "If someone asks you to call them X, then you respect their request." The whole point of teaching certain forms of address is RESPECT, after all!


I'm really glad you said this. I've seen people insist on their children using whatever form they've taught them, even in the face of requests to the contrary. I find it really rude. If someone doesn't like being called "Mrs. LastName" (as an example), insisting on calling them that isn't about good manners, imo.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Since it's come up a few times, I'll add that I find the "Miss FirstName" usage really bizarre, because it's just not a thing around here. The only place I've ever encountered it is in dance schools.

It just popped into my head that one of the moms in our townhouse complex teaches her kids to the call the other moms, "Mama FirstName", so I'm "Mama Lisa". The first few times I heard it, it seemed a bit odd to me, but I"m used to it now. I kind of like it.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Just to clarify a bit on what I said about "children as inferiors"...I have very rarely seen the "sir" and "ma'am" stuff taught to kids in an environment where the titles are used in a reciprocal fashion. Children are taught to "respect their elders", but it's not what I call respect. It's a way of saying "adults are better than you, so show them deference". My kids don't have to respect their elders, in the way that phrase is usually used. I want them to treat everybody with respect, but I see no reason why adults are deserving of special deference.

Mind you, I think our cultural (Western European/North American) concepts of manners, etiquette, etc. are deeply rooted in a very offensive class system riddled with sexism and racism. I remember going through an etiquette book once and thinking "wow - 99% of this is about making sure everyone is consistently acknowledging that they know their place". The culture around the concepts has changed, but I think manners should be rooted in the Golden Rule, not in the idea that some people are better than others.


----------



## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

My son won't call his parents "sir" and "ma'am".

There are no other polite forms of address to attach to a man or woman whose names you do not know. What would you prefer that the store clerk called you? "Have a nice day, lady." "Hey you! Would you like help carrying your groceries?"


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MichelleZB*
> 
> There are no other polite forms of address to attach to a man or woman whose names you do not know. What would you prefer that the store clerk called you? "Have a nice day, lady." "Hey you! Would you like help carrying your groceries?"


I've only been called "ma'am" a handful of times (mostly when visiting Knoxville). I've never had anybody be rude to me in those situation. IMO, "have a nice day" or "would you like help carrying your groceries?" are inherently polite and don't require a label or form of address at all.


----------



## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> I've only been called "ma'am" a handful of times (mostly when visiting Knoxville). I've never had anybody be rude to me in those situation. IMO, "have a nice day" or "would you like help carrying your groceries?" are inherently polite and don't require a label or form of address at all.


Ok, but it's easy to think of a situation where you would need to address someone. For instance, what if (on our hypothetical grocery trip), we dropped some of our groceries on the way out but didn't notice? Someone would have to call after us. What should they call me? Ma'am. I am an adult woman and it's polite.

I teach young children, and I make them refer to me by my name. But for when you don't know a woman's name, I can't think of anything better than "Ma'am".


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MichelleZB*
> 
> Ok, but it's easy to think of a situation where you would need to address someone. For instance, what if (on our hypothetical grocery trip), we dropped some of our groceries on the way out but didn't notice? Someone would have to call after us. What should they call me? Ma'am. I am an adult woman and it's polite.
> 
> I teach young children, and I make them refer to me by my name. But for when you don't know a woman's name, I can't think of anything better than "Ma'am".


I can't really think of any situations like that. I've done that - dropped something that was noticed by a stranger - and people generally just say, "Excuse me - you dropped something".

I think this is probably just a regional thing, but "ma'am" and "sir" just sound really excessively formal around here. I very occasionally run into it with someone in a service job, but it's just not something you hear around here very much. Personally, I really dislike the sound of both terms, especially from kids.


----------



## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Regional.

I grew up doing this, but I'm military/southern. We also used Mr/Mrs/Miss lastname (or firstname sometimes, if we were close to the adult). My kids don't but out here I've never heard anyone doing it.

I used to ask adults what they would like my children to call them, and now that my kids are old enough they know to ask themselves. I'm all for addressing people as they wish to be addressed, and I think it's good for kids and adults to extend that courtesy to others. I think it's okay to not have blanket presumptions on how kids should address adults, and it only help their social skills/confidence to interact with people beyond their peers if they learn to ask and take that into consideration.


----------



## purplerose (Dec 27, 2010)

I am in the Deep South. Growing up we would be spanked for forgetting to say Sir or Ma'am. It was that important for some reason. I DO NOT teach my kids to say it. They did pick up saying it to certain people as they got older but I had nothing to do with it(and they all have a knack for knowing which people "need" to be called those terms). I can't stand to be called ma'am and always tell the person to not call me that. Even kids. Their parents can force them to say it but it's rude to call someone that who doesn't want to be called it. JMNSHO lol.


----------



## purplerose (Dec 27, 2010)

And also, I NEVER hear anyone pronounce "Mrs." properly, they only say, "Miss" for Mrs., Ms. or Miss. It's all pronounced the same.


----------



## intentionalmama (Aug 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> Mind you, I think our cultural (Western European/North American) concepts of manners, etiquette, etc. are deeply rooted in a very offensive class system riddled with sexism and racism. I remember going through an etiquette book once and thinking "wow - 99% of this is about making sure everyone is consistently acknowledging that they know their place". The culture around the concepts has changed, but I think manners should be rooted in the Golden Rule, not in the idea that some people are better than others.


I think the above statement kind of nails for me my feelings of not feeling comfortable with some of these terms. I also live in the Northwest, where sir, ma'am are rarely heard. I work at a shelter for homeless kids and one of the youth who was black and I believe from Somalia, but who had also lived in the States, would call me Miss Lesley. This was the first time I had ever been called this. It really made me feel uncomfortable. I knew he was being polite and showing respect, but I finally talked to him and asked him to please just call me by my first name.


----------



## skreader (Nov 19, 2008)

It's all based on culture and when teaching "manners" or politeness, one must be very aware of one's cultural context.

I grew up calling my parents friends by their first names, but also used a default "Mr. last name or Ms. last name" unless I was introduced to the person as "first name" or invited to call them by their first name after I called them "Mr. or Ms.". All my teachers in school were Mr., Mrs., or Ms. "Mrs. Chadwick, Mr. McGartey, Ms.Cole".

I grew up calling people I didn't know "ma'am" or "sir". For example, at the hardware store "Excuse me, sir, where can I find the plungers?". Or just "Excuse me..."

In the context I now live in, an unrelated woman my age or a but older will be usually called "JieJie" - older sister, or "Xiaojie" - which many translate as "Miss." My husband will call almost any man over the age of 16 "Gogo" which means "older brother". A lot of people will call an elderly unrelated woman "PoPo" meaning maternal grandmother. Kind of like in Russian, calling an older woman "Babushka".

And yes, these titles have a LOT to do w/ hierarchy & age. I met a Taiwanese guy who thought it was wrong that my kids called him "Suk-Suk" which is common in Hong Kong Cantonese for an "unrelated uncle" - I think it's father's younger brother; but it's kind of generic for "man of my parents' generation or older" & he said "No, they should call me "BoBo" meaning (I think) father's older brother.

Even friendly people used to call each other "old (family name)" or "young (family name)" based on their relative ages.

Even using English in HK, people will teach their kids to call unrelated people "Aunty" or "Uncle".

But, in a US context, it's very rare to call a woman you don't know well "Sister" or "Granny".


----------



## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i think its all 3. and should be used in the right context. if someone ma'amed me here in california i would think they were being sarcastic. but i know the valet will always use that. sometimes its makes you feel 'upper class' as at posh establishments everywhere i hear the sir ma'am.

however sometimes i have been ma'amed by a teenager. that's the day i discovered in the teen world i am considered old.

i will use it and expect dd to use it where appropriate.


----------



## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

I noticed today (probably because of this thread), that in our circle the kids get "ma'am and sir"-d far more than the adults! Seven kids between us and I heard a ton of "No Sir! Get off of the roof!" "Can I have more water?" "Yes ma'am, here you go."
So at least here I'm not getting the disrespect of children vibe at all.


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

Since this thread, I have been noticing also. My kids are teens. They would never say sir or ma'am to anyone they know. Our style is more casual than that. But they address strangers in the polite form: "Excuse me, ma'am, I think you dropped this", or "thank you, sir" to a store clerk. I have never taught this, but probably unconsciously modeled it.


----------



## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

We ask for yes ma'am/yes sir as opposed to back talk from our boys when we ask them for help or give them instructions. A simply "ok" or something to that effect is fine too but when they're trying to have some self control over a contrary will it helps to make a point of a proper response. I'll say yes sir to them in a friendly way when I'm giving them what they ask for too sometimes.


----------



## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

Here kids call adults Miss firstname and Mr. firstname, for their friends parents, random adults, and teachers every place except actual schools (i.e. they do this for classes at the rec center, homeschool classes, etc, but in school their teacher would be Mrs. lastname)

Ds uses "sir" and "ma'am" for older adults, if they talk to him in a "serious" way. He doesn't do it for everyone, and somehow seems to know who to use it with and who not to, people he usues it with always seem to appericate it.

He also calls me ma'am when he knows he is in trouble.

I don't know where he got the "sir" and "ma'am" thing from, I never ever use those terms. And the Miss. firstname thing he picked up when we moved here when he was 18months old (he was already a very good talker), it just seems to be what everyone does here, I think its weird, but have stuck with it.


----------



## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *skreader*
> 
> Even using English in HK, people will teach their kids to call unrelated people "Aunty" or "Uncle".


I grew up in Hong Kong and I've taught ds a lot of this - many of my close friends who are totally unrelated are called "auntie" and "uncle" by him. We call the 2yr old I nanny for "mei mei" sometimes too!

I also still call my friends parents from HK "Mrs. and Mr. lastname, and they do the same with my parents, even though we have known each other's families sense we were in middle school.


----------



## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *leighi123*
> 
> I grew up in Hong Kong and I've taught ds a lot of this - *many of my close friends who are totally unrelated are called "auntie" and "uncle" by him*. We call the 2yr old I nanny for "mei mei" sometimes too!


Same in our family (I was raised in the US), DS calls our close friends "aunt" and "uncle" and it is a role that they fill in his life.


----------



## Kaydove (Jul 29, 2010)

The idea that kids need to say ma'am or sir as a sign of respect to their elders rubs me the wrong way. The fact that a person is older automatically gets them more respect than anyone else? What if I don't think that person deserves respect? To me respect is earned on a personal relationship level, not a 'just because they're older' way.

This might be my anti-authority coming out or my Seattleness, where they cops are being investigated by the FBI for their record of brutality. I have a hard hard time addressing them as sir or being respectful to them at all. Sorry off topic.

To me manners are please and thank you.


----------



## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

I grew up (and still live) in Northern CA, and I never addressed an adult as Sir or Ma'am. It's something I've really only seen on TV.


----------



## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

Certainly not outdated, def. regional, though. I was raised that way and still address most people older than me that way, and anyone else I feel like, children included. I think it's it great to show people, in general, respect. Makes life so lovely and I am all about little lovelies. I get it where I can.

And I can't relate at all to hating being called 'ma'am'...I just love it  <3


----------



## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

A wise but crude friend of my husband's once told me "Ma'am doesn't mean you're old it just means you're not a skank." which was his odd way of saying respectable, I think. We were watching a western last night and a young man was defying somebody and kept repeating "No, sir!" I just loved it, the politeness remained whilst refusing adamantly.


----------



## thatgirliknew (Dec 1, 2009)

I feel like by even saying this, I'm going to be "heard" wrong. But this is my experience, and definitely NOT a negative comment.

I am white, and never grew up saying ma'am/sir. It wasn't expected, it was rarely heard (maybe when we were trying to suck up to an adult?) I called my sister (who is like my mother) ma'am once and she flipped. This was in the country about 10 years ago.

Fast forward 10 years and move to a large urban area. My sister is married to an African American man and he grew up required to say "yes ma'am" or "ma'am" when answering his mother instead of "what?" My sister has her children say ma'am/sir. Her mother-in-law is one of my best friends and she asked me why I don't have my kids say "ma'am" and "sir", I told her it was never said when I was a child. She said she thought (in our area at least) it was more of a racial thing and that white people didn't reallly expect it from their children, but black people still do. And in looking at it, I realized that at least in our city, that seems to be right. SHE said she thinks it has to do with her generation being required to say it to white people, so in turn they just said it to everybody and it stuck? (Note, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with saying it or not saying it. I hate bringing up race because I feel like it's going to be taken wrongly, especially since you can't judge a person's tone on the internet.)

The area of the city we live in now, is 94% African American. The majority of the people who we interact with on a daily basis are A.A. All of my daughter's teachers are A.A. and they expect it from their students, whereas her previous school and teachers did not. I have since started having my children use "ma'am" and "sir" because it's expected. There's definitely no harm done in having them say "sir" or "ma'am".


----------



## thatgirliknew (Dec 1, 2009)

Oh and I'd like to add, that definitely seems to extend to me as well. Even as an adult, I feel obliged to call our campus coordinator/landlord/daughter's teachers, really anyone in "authority" that I see ma'am or sir, As well as Miss her-first-name, because everyone else around me does it. Even my sister's mother in law who is a close friend of mine, I call Miss her-first-name. But I live in a very large city, and I feel like if I just travel to the other side of the city, it's pretty much nonexistent.


----------



## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

West end, I suppose? I'm from Germantown originally. I consider it a positive and respectful thing whatever culture encourages it. But if I regularly demanded it from my kids I'd personally feel I was being uptight and outdated. Which in so many ways I already am so maybe that would bring it over the top.


----------



## thatgirliknew (Dec 1, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *JamieCatheryn*
> 
> West end, I suppose? I'm from Germantown originally. I consider it a positive and respectful thing whatever culture encourages it. But if I regularly demanded it from my kids I'd personally feel I was being uptight and outdated. Which in so many ways I already am so maybe that would bring it over the top.


Yep, West End. I have no problem with people saying it. It doesn't hurt to do it even if not expected. I'm just saying I went from an area where it wasn't expected to an area where it was. Now my kids are trying to get used to it.


----------

