# miscarriage cremation



## Saewylf (Jun 4, 2006)

I apologize if this question has been answered. I searched the forum some, but I don't have a lot of time right now.

I lost my baby last night. I would have been 20 weeks tomorrow. Ultrasound measured baby as 13-14 weeks, but I measured him after he came out and he is the size of a 16 week old from what I'm reading.

I am out-of-state away from my home and husband right now, and my husband would really like it if there was some way I could bring the remains back with me. So we were talking about cremation. I'm just not sure, with a baby that small, would there even be any remains left? I would be OK even if it's nothing but a little pinch... as long as it was something. I don't think I'd want to cremate and just have him be gone. I would rather bury him here if that's the case, and I think my husband would prefer that too.

Also, I was wondering if anyone had any rough idea on the cost? I don't want a service or anything, just a direct cremation and some container for the remains.

We are trying to make a decision. Thanks for any insight you can give.


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## Saewylf (Jun 4, 2006)

Hmmm, I guess this won't be as easy as I thought. The funeral homes here are saying they can't perform a cremation without a death certificate from the doctor, and they don't issue death certificates before 20 weeks gestation.


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## alternamama82 (May 28, 2009)

I don't know how that all works, but I just want to give you a







and say I'm so very sorry that you lost your baby. I hope you can figure everything out soon.


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## jtrt (Feb 25, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss, momma...









I hope all will forgive my bluntness. Please do not read on if you are not able. If you are in possession of your baby, is it possible for you to refrigerate his remains until you are able to get home and bury him? You could wrap him in a soft blanket and then place him in an airtight container in the freezer. He will be able to stay with you until you are reunited with your husband.

I have not lost a baby as big as your son but our last lost babe, placenta and sac were of some size. This sounds terrible, and I hesitate to share but the truth is, her remains are in my freezer. I want to wait a little longer so that I can bury her with the placenta from this baby, assuming this baby comes. If we lose this baby as well, I want to bury them together. I know it probably sounds awful. But honestly, it is very discrete and I do not feel it is the least bit disrespectful or uncaring. We will bury her in the way and at the time that is right for us.

You have the right and the freedom to make your own decisions and choices with regards to your son's burial too. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with lovingly and respectfully preserving your precious son's body until you are able to bury him with your husband at your side.

Gentle hugs to you, momma. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Amy


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

i'm so sorry for your loss. it's not fair that we should have to deal with bureaucratic crap at a time like this, is it? i hope you find a solution very soon. (((hugs)))


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

after reading what Amy just wrote, i want to add something. after i lost Matthew, i would send him to the mortuary (very cold) at night and it did a really good job preserving his skin. we didn't bury him for nearly two weeks after he died but he was still very much 'presentable', for lack of a better word, after being in the funeral home's freezer for that period of time after we left the hospital.

it's very hard to talk about the practical side of death and i hope i didn't say anything to upset.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

We lost our son in the second tri, prior to 20 weeks and we had him cremated. See if they will give you a certificate of fetal demise in lieu of a death certificate. I am so sorry, mama.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

Oh, and we've got about a tablespoon full of ashes in his urn. Sorry, I meant to write that in the earlier post. And our funeral home did it for free. Apparently this is not uncommon for babies. I am not saying all funeral homes will do this, but some will.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry.


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Saewylf* 
I apologize if this question has been answered. I searched the forum some, but I don't have a lot of time right now.

I lost my baby last night. I would have been 20 weeks tomorrow. Ultrasound measured baby as 13-14 weeks, but I measured him after he came out and he is the size of a 16 week old from what I'm reading.

I am out-of-state away from my home and husband right now, and my husband would really like it if there was some way I could bring the remains back with me. So we were talking about cremation. I'm just not sure, with a baby that small, would there even be any remains left? I would be OK even if it's nothing but a little pinch... as long as it was something. I don't think I'd want to cremate and just have him be gone. I would rather bury him here if that's the case, and I think my husband would prefer that too.

Also, I was wondering if anyone had any rough idea on the cost? I don't want a service or anything, just a direct cremation and some container for the remains.

We are trying to make a decision. Thanks for any insight you can give.

First of all, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. When our baby died in utero at 16 weeks, I delivered her and then the funeral home picked up her remains. Since I was not at the 20 week or more mark, it says fetal demise on the certificate we have.My husband called the funeral home and worked everything out with them to pick her up from the hospital.

Her cremains are in a little white box and the funeral home did not charge us anything due to the circumstances. I hope this info helps, I have never heard of needing a death certificate.

Take care,


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## Saewylf (Jun 4, 2006)

Thanks everyone for the information.

I'm not sure what the issue is, but all the local funeral homes are not being particularly helpful. In addition to saying we need a death certificate, they also are saying there would be absolutely nothing left for ashes, which apparently can't be true considering what some of you (and others from some other threads I read) have said of your experiences.

I really don't want the stress of dealing with the bureaucratic hassle, so with my husband's long-distance help, I am planning on doing our own cremation. I feel most comfortable with this idea, even though I'm not 100% sure what the result will be like. The other option of shipping his body on ice sounds like it could get complicated... if it's overnight shipping, it would be by plane, and I believe you have to declare what it is, and I just have no idea how that would go over. We are on opposite sides of the country, so it's quite a distance we're talking about. I don't want a hassle at this point, I don't want to make phone calls... I just want simple, so I think that's what I've decided.

Thank you all for your condolences and help. I appreciate it.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

My DH is a funeral director and he is certified to operate their crematory so I might be able to get the answers to your questions if you want.

In Illinois he said that to perform a cremation he has to have a death certificate and a cremation permit before they can legally do anything with the remains. Of the ashes remaining that are returned to the family I believe the majority of what is there is remains from the bones of the individual (not 100% about that but I can ask if needed). So if you have no type of death certificate then a funeral home may legally not be able to help you.

As far as cost well it really varies. I know that my DH's funeral homes they frequently do not charge the families of infants and children for their services or request a nominal fee to cover their costs.

Let me know if I can be of any help to you.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I lost my little one at 17 weeks. She passed around 15 weeks. She was a bit over 5 inches long and weighed 1.5 ounces. We were able to have her cremated and there were enough ashes to fill 3 necklace pendants and some to go in a small urn. The hospital actually paid for the cremation, the urn, and the memorial jewelry. They were so wonderful! I know that we had 500 dollars to spend and we ended up going like 90 over because we got an extra necklace. Though the cremation itself was free, and not included in that... Also there were no certificates or anything needed either&#8230; or if there was, the hospital took care of all of that. We only needed to pick out the urn and jewelry and then get the ashes.

It frustrates me so much to hear of mamas having a hard time with things like this after having to go through something so terrible!







: This is the last thing you should have to be dealing with right now









I hope you figure something out and get your baby's ashes somehow!


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## organicpapayamama (Dec 5, 2008)

im so sorry for your loss mama. I lost my dd at almost 20 1/2 weeks, she was still born. They would not let me leave the hospital until I made some sort of funeral arrangement for her. as a matter of fact they had me making these decisions before I was even induced... so awful. at any rate some places wanted to ask hundreds of dollars to cremate her... luckily I found a funeral home that was willing to do it for free because of the circumstances. I love them for that. A death certificate was not issued for dd because I was told you cannot have a death certificate without having been alive outside the womb. I was issued a certificate of stillbirth. The funeral home didnt ask for any of that as I received it weeks after this happened. As for the ashes, yes, there isnt a lot left and the urn I have is mostly empty but she is in there. Hugs mama.


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## tibbi5 (Jul 18, 2009)

I too am suffering. On July 16, 2009 my husband and I lost our baby boy Anderson. I was 18 weeks pregnant, but at delivery he only measured 14 weeks gestation. We have chosen a cremation. We live in upstate New York and we were able to have a death certificate and a cremation. My husband met with the funeral director today and we were told that there would not be much for ashes but that they would fit into a keepsake urn. It is a small container that can be carried along with you. The cremation fee was $100 and the funeral director normally charges $1900, but said that he could not do that to us in good faith. He discounted his price to $200. I think we were lucky to get such a caring person. I am hurting and it is hard to deal with. The pain is so fresh, the emotions are like waves. It just feels like I am treading water and then a wave just comes along and takes me out. This is my third miscarriage, the 2nd in the 2nd trimester. I have 3 great kids, which make things sweet n' sour. I look at them and feel so grateful, but then am reminded of all that I lost. I hope you find peace in time.


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## blueyezz4 (Sep 23, 2006)

Saewylf, first off I'm so sorry for your loss!!! We lost our twin boys at 22.5 wks about 4 wks ago and they were both cremated which cost us nothing, but it was done after an autopsy so that might be why it didn't cost anything, i'm not sure. We then pick them up at a funeral home and picked out little urns that were $55 each. They are really small urns but are filled pretty much up to the top- one boy was 1lb 3oz and the other was 1lb 2oz. We had to sign death certificates b/c they were over the age limit, I guess. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you. Take care of yourself!!


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