# My son retracted himself but won't let me clean it?



## Tiffany_PartyOf7 (Mar 1, 2009)

Okay, not sure what to do LOL. My 2 yr old son retracted himself (he's always been a major player lol.. he loves his penis and plays with himself non stop). He retracted himself about 6 months or so ago? Anyways, he used to let me help pull it back just a little so I could check to be sure it was clean and all. I figured since he retracted it (and did so multiple times per day) that it needs to be checked for gunk now. I never pulled it back further than he did and normally I just told him to pull it back so I could check. He now refuses to let me pull it back and he won't do it either (well, I'm pretty sure he does it - just not when I ask him to). Should I worry about infection? When I ask if I can do it or if he can do it for me, he says it hurts? He doesn't act like it hurts any other time. I just worry that if it isn't being checked that he may end up with an infection?


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tiffany_PartyOf7* 
Okay, not sure what to do LOL. My 2 yr old son retracted himself (he's always been a major player lol.. he loves his penis and plays with himself non stop). He retracted himself about 6 months or so ago? Anyways, he used to let me help pull it back just a little so I could check to be sure it was clean and all. I figured since he retracted it (and did so multiple times per day) that it needs to be checked for gunk now. I never pulled it back further than he did and normally I just told him to pull it back so I could check. He now refuses to let me pull it back and he won't do it either (well, I'm pretty sure he does it - just not when I ask him to). Should I worry about infection? When I ask if I can do it or if he can do it for me, he says it hurts? He doesn't act like it hurts any other time. I just worry that if it isn't being checked that he may end up with an infection?

No, you shouldn't worry. Generally its something that only the boy should do, you shouldn't do it for him. At his age it doesn't have to be done regularly. I see no problem with encouraging him to do it in the bath (it starts a good habit) but wouldn't worry if he refuses.


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## perspective (Nov 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tiffany_PartyOf7* 
Okay, not sure what to do LOL. My 2 yr old son retracted himself (he's always been a major player lol.. he loves his penis and plays with himself non stop). He retracted himself about 6 months or so ago? Anyways, he used to let me help pull it back just a little so I could check to be sure it was clean and all. I figured since he retracted it (and did so multiple times per day) that it needs to be checked for gunk now. I never pulled it back further than he did and normally I just told him to pull it back so I could check. He now refuses to let me pull it back and he won't do it either (well, I'm pretty sure he does it - just not when I ask him to). Should I worry about infection? When I ask if I can do it or if he can do it for me, he says it hurts? He doesn't act like it hurts any other time. I just worry that if it isn't being checked that he may end up with an infection?

Well first let me ask you this question (if you have any daughters) do you ask to check in their vaginal folds for any "gunk" regularly?

I know your a concerned parent, but as long as your teaching good cleaning skills, you should not need to "check" at all. The reason he may not show you is because even at 2 he might feel a little uncomfortable showing you. For an intact guy, the head of the penis is the most private part of his body (even more so then for many cut guys). Its understandable if he does not feel comfortable showing you.

So I think its best not to worry, and just make sure he is cleaning in the shower. Because honestly, worrying if a little boy is not pulling back his foreskin in the shower is probably the one thing you can be certain he is doing.

If anything, make sure if he is cleaning the other parts of his body.


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## glongley (Jun 30, 2004)

If he handles it a lot, and you're concerned about infection, I'd concentrate on teaching him about handwashing, and make sure to keep his nails trimmed.

Him just playing with it in clean bath water, is probably all the cleaning his FS needs for now - you don't need to check or do anything to it.

Gillian


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

If he does it himself great if not then you should not help him. It will NOT cause problems to not retract just a simple swish in the water will get in there to clean things out plenty.


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## Tiffany_PartyOf7 (Mar 1, 2009)

Thanks. I was under the impression that once he was able to retract it, that it needed to be cleaned. He only takes a bath every few days and I still wash him. He wears diapers.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

I agree to just ask him to pull it back in the bath and swish it around. I wouldn't try to do any inspections or cleaning unless he was complaining of pain.

I totally second the washing of hands thing. My son is 4yo and about 6 months ago he started to learn how to wipe his own bottom. Well, he gave himself a UTI. It's been a chore to try and cure it. He's on his fifth round of antibiotics and has seen three docs over it. I finally found a doc that agreed the other 4 different types of antibiotics we used just didn't clear it up in the first place. The other docs kept trying to tell me is was a recurrent infection and he needed to be circ'd. This last round of antibiotics has done the trick. YEAH!

So, teach him that he really needs to keep his hands clean when touching his penis.

And, one other thing we learned - DS likes to dab at the end of his penis with a bit of toliet paper to soak up any drips before pulling up his underwear. When he was wiping his bottom he would dab at his penis last and thus transferred the bacteria to his penis. I know that you teach a little girl to wipe from front to back but I never imagined my son was doing this but now that we know he was we've talked about it and he understands that it isn't sanitary.

HTH!


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *perspective* 
Well first let me ask you this question (if you have any daughters) do you ask to check in their vaginal folds for any "gunk" regularly?

I know your a concerned parent, but as long as your teaching good cleaning skills, you should not need to "check" at all. The reason he may not show you is because even at 2 he might feel a little uncomfortable showing you. For an intact guy, the head of the penis is the most private part of his body (even more so then for many cut guys). Its understandable if he does not feel comfortable showing you.

So I think its best not to worry, and just make sure he is cleaning in the shower. Because honestly, worrying if a little boy is not pulling back his foreskin in the shower is probably the one thing you can be certain he is doing.

If anything, make sure if he is cleaning the other parts of his body.

OK, I DO ask my daughter to clean their vaginas and tell them how and have showed my two year old daughter how to clean her vagina properly.

OP- You can't make him do it, just continue to encourage it during a bath.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tiffany_PartyOf7* 
Thanks. I was under the impression that once he was able to retract it, that it needed to be cleaned. He only takes a bath every few days and I still wash him. He wears diapers.

If foreskin retracts, you should clean under it, that IS correct. While you are bathing him, is he retracting at all? I am sure the warm water does get under there in some way. I also reccomend the hand washing. The diaper issue would concern me more than anything. When I was a CNA, my male patients who wore diapers and were intact DID get infections if the CNA's were not pulling back the foreskin to clean. (I am TOTALLY an intactivist, but this is just the truth). Poop in a diaper gets under the foreskin and then the CNA's were half a$$ing it and not retracting and those poor men were getting infections. I even had to show a nurse how to properly clean an intact penis, SO SAD.

But like I said above, I guess you cannot force him.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

A swish in the bath even on a retractable foreskin will do the job. If he dosnt want to do it you dont. Period.

You clean what you see exactly like with a girl. You dont go digging around in there







:

Yes ask him to do it by all means to get a good hygien routine going but dont worry about infection if he dosnt do it every single bath or even every week.

There are men out there that do not retract at all ever and have no problems with either hygien or sex so it obviously isnt the be all and end all of things.

An adult is way different than a child. The rule is if the boy is retractable and old enough to understand then you teach him to retract, rinse in clean water NO SOAP and replace.

Keep in mind to that the glans of the intact penis can be VERY touch sensitive even water could feel uncomfortable to him on his exposed glans.

It is comparable to pulling back the skin on the clitoris and touching the nerve bundle for some guys. I dont know about everyone else but when I have tried that it burns like fire. Especially if I was in soapy water at the time.

Let your ds lead you. He will get it eventually and I assure you his penis wont rot off in the meantime as long as he gets a sit down bath every few days or just washed off during diaper changes.


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## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMindedMomma* 
If foreskin retracts, you should clean under it, that IS correct.

I disagree with that. If his foreskin retracts, HE should clean under it.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygrant* 
I disagree with that. If his foreskin retracts, HE should clean under it.









: That is what I was trying to say but got carried away


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## perspective (Nov 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMindedMomma* 
OK, I DO ask my daughter to clean their vaginas and tell them how and have showed my two year old daughter how to clean her vagina properly.


Yes, but do you insist on physically checking within their folds yourself? Thats the difference I was trying to point out.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I am going to assume when you say vagina you mean the outside genitals and not the vagina itself since that is on the inside and of course you dont reach in there and clean.









I havnt seen dd's bottom since she was around 4yo and then I only checked because she fell and hurt herself









Once they are out of diapers and can wipe properly I dont go anywhere near their bumms.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygrant* 
I disagree with that. If his foreskin retracts, HE should clean under it.

By you, I meant the person who owns the penis. If it retracts it should be pulled back and washed under. Please refer to the parts of my post where I said, something to the effect of not forcing it. I said to encourage it, but you cannot make him do anything.

My DF does pull back his foreskin, does wash with soap and rinses and replaces. If not it can start to smell a little. I was with someone who did not do that and it smelled of urine and a little fishy, if he did not wash with soap.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MCatLvrMom2A&X* 
I am going to assume when you say vagina you mean the outside genitals and not the vagina itself since that is on the inside and of course you dont reach in there and clean.









I havnt seen dd's bottom since she was around 4yo and then I only checked because she fell and hurt herself









Once they are out of diapers and can wipe properly I dont go anywhere near their bumms.

I'm sorry, I was referring to the vulva and not the actual vagina which is the orifice. DD is sealed. I couldnt and wouldnt ever wash inside. She does wash inside the labai majora, as do I and my DSD as well (DSD is 5 and she washes herself, but I do help her in and out of the shower and remind her as I get her in to wash her privates and rinse them well. I do help her dress as well. She is sort of a young 5.


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