# Is it harder to be on MDC after a loss



## tintal (Oct 19, 2006)

I just had a miscarriage yesterday. I have a healthy girl and just logged on since the loss happened. I joined when I was pregnant with my first and loved hearing all about babies. Now I don't know if seeing all the posts about pregnancy and babies is good. Just wanted to put this out there.


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## cyncyn (Nov 19, 2004)

I found it to be really helpful to read in this forum after my mc. I didn't post much but found the stories of other's experiences very healing. I finally felt like I had some validation and support for my feelings of loss. I hope you can find support too


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

I don't go anywhere else on MDC for now. It is too hard.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Yeah... I know what you mean. I feel strange going anywhere else but here. I even feel weird peeking in and commenting on the TTC after loss and Pg after loss boards... since we're not either... yet... and I still check my old DDC and comment on the new babies once in a while, but I feel like I'm a reminder or a jinx - like I have a neon sign around my neck: "bad things can happen to good people" or "it could happen to you" or something.







I'm sure it's just me... but it's weird.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MI_Dawn* 
I feel like I'm a reminder or a jinx - like I have a neon sign around my neck: "bad things can happen to good people" or "it could happen to you" or something.







I'm sure it's just me... but it's weird.

Totally, I stopped visiting friends from work and their babies because of it... I'm afraid that my mere prescence would make them uncomfortable.

I stay here and on the pages concerning household type stuff.


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

To be honest it hasn't changed for me, I felt unable to have a baby before the loss (due to trying for so long), but even then it was hard. It seems to me the lower my mood is, then the harder MDC is. If I'm feeling hopeful, I can handle anything. If AF has just arrived, every post seems like a kick in the teeth.


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## mischievium (Feb 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MI_Dawn* 
Yeah... I know what you mean. I feel strange going anywhere else but here. I even feel weird peeking in and commenting on the TTC after loss and Pg after loss boards... since we're not either... yet... and I still check my old DDC and comment on the new babies once in a while, but I feel like I'm a reminder or a jinx - like I have a neon sign around my neck: "bad things can happen to good people" or "it could happen to you" or something.







I'm sure it's just me... but it's weird.

I'm impressed that you can even go to the DDC. I've looked there once, but I just can't handle it... or most of MDC at this point. I've been a member of these boards for so long. For so long I've waited to join the club. First, I waited until DH was ready to TTC, so I could post on the TTC boards. Then we had problems and I posted in Infertility. And finally, FINALLY I was pregnant and got to be a part of my very own DDC!

And now, I am so heartbroken and bitter, frankly, to be back to square one (and it's not just square one, it's square negative one because now I have emotional trauma and the loss of my son to deal with) that I just can't even look at any other section of this site right now.

And I know what you mean about being a reminder that bad things can happen at any time, that you and your baby aren't safe past a certain number of weeks. I don't want to be a perpetual downer, so I stay away especially from the DDC.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

Yes, it is difficult.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tintal* 
I just had a miscarriage yesterday.

And I'm so very sorry for your loss...







I meant to say that before...









Quote:


Originally Posted by *mischievium*
I'm impressed that you can even go to the DDC.

Some part of me can't let it go. Maybe I should, I don't know. It's just something I invested my time into for nine months, and it's hard to not check in and see how everyone is doing... even if I'm not in that "club" in the same way anymore. I can't say I'm completely happy when I go there... but it doesn't make me overwhelmingly sad either. It's more bittersweet, to see everyone having their babies.

And you know, William was my fifth baby. (Not to minimize my pain... it's real and it's deep... but our situations _are_ different...) If it had been my first? I think I would do just what you're doing. I don't think I could stand looking at or hearing about other babies - ever - until I was holding my own. I totally get where you're coming from.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

I am so sorry for you loss. It was so hard to stay away form my dd club(s) but I found so much support in the loss area that I hung here and learned to smile again


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

I, also, know how you feel. MDC is all about mothering, babies, families. which used to be my favorite topics, well still are but I need more time. I don't go anywhere else other than here and TV section since, well, that has been my life for a while now....

venturing out (in all ways) is healthy and will come when we are ready.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

I'm very sorry for you loss.
















I used to frequent the Pregnant boards and Birth and Beyond. I SO looked forward to my homebirth. After we lost Duncan I couldn't venture over to those areas for quite sometime. It wasn't 'til maybe a month ago did I begin to really venture over to those areas.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Yes, I have found it harder. Been lurking on some of the other boards that are less child-oriented, like "Diggin' in the Earth".

I'm sorry for your loss


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.
















I never went back to the June 07 DDC. In fact, no one there even knew I lost my dd until they happened upon the post in the grief area. Could never bring myself to even post a birth story. I lived in the loss area for a while. It was the one place I went when I visited mdc. So I guess it wasn't more difficult to be here, I just avoided the baby stuff and came to the loss area.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

it was hard for sooo long. i would skip by the i am pregnant forums and kind of cringe, but one night...9 months or so after my loss, i mustered up some courage and went over there and i actually found it very humbling! i would say 60% of the women have had a loss at some point and that made me feel like i wasn't alone and most of those women aren't just innocent and carefree about their pregnancies. not only that but i was able to post a bit, because i was pregnant and i found i had lots of good advice to offer. but it is hard. hopefully one day it will get easier. that's how i knew i was healing really well from the loss. but like i said it wasn't overnight. it took me 9 months. this past month i had a chemical. pregnancy tests showed positive for about 4 days and i actually joined a ddc







i don't regret it! i was so joyful about that pregnancy and i connected with that little one for 4 whole days.







but on the other hand................................i won't be posting to them that i had a chemical, i never want to log into that december 09 ddc again. know what i mean?


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## LouisianaMomma (Mar 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cyncyn* 
I found it to be really helpful to read in this forum after my mc. I didn't post much but found the stories of other's experiences very healing. I finally felt like I had some validation and support for my feelings of loss. I hope you can find support too










Same for me. I had a MC in March & I don't post a whole lot but I find the stories of the other ladies here very helpful.

Sorry for your loss.


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## SimplyRochelle (Feb 21, 2007)

It's still very hard for me to go to very many places around here. I haven't been active on MDC since my loss. I made the mistake of going into my old DDC this month and seeing everyone elses babies just broke me. I ended up drinking a whole bottle of wine by myself and it was a terrible few days after that. It is better now that when it first happened so maybe over time I can get back to being more comfortable here.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tintal* 
I just had a miscarriage yesterday. I have a healthy girl and just logged on since the loss happened. I joined when I was pregnant with my first and loved hearing all about babies. Now I don't know if seeing all the posts about pregnancy and babies is good. Just wanted to put this out there.

I am so sorry for your loss.








I have basically stayed right here since my last loss. It's just too hard.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SimplyRochelle* 
I made the mistake of going into my old DDC this month and seeing everyone elses babies just broke me.

I made the same mistake the other day.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also find it too painful to go anywhere else on MDC right now.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jules09* 
I'm so sorry for your loss. I also find it too painful to go anywhere else on MDC right now.

I see that you are so very new here.







Your precious Lachlan was beautiful & I'm so very sorry he is not with you. I hope you find this little corner of MDC a safe place to just be in these awful first days of loss.


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