# laying next to while crying to sleep = cio?



## Still_Learning (Jan 29, 2005)

something has to change.

i swore i would never leave my babies to cio, but i'm at a breakign point. my 8 month old doesn't sleep. she takes 2 twenty minute naps a day and wakes every 20-45 minutes all night.

my 5 year old needs his mother back. i spend all day trying to get baby to sleep or back to sleep. i'm exhausted and spent in every way.

so i need to try something, anything. something HAS to change now.

babe needs to learn to sleep without rocking and nursing. if i lay next to her while she screams and fights, is that crying it out? is being there, patting her back but not picking her up crying it out?

if so, i'm considering doing what i always swore i never would.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

nak

I've done that with my 7mo. She didn't cry too long, about ten minutes off and on, so I concluded that she was releasing her tension through crying, because she seemed to sleep quite well that night. Unfortunately, she is still having a hard time falling asleep. period. (no matter what we do. we try everything.) so it's not a panacea. i think its the age.

I think that if you are there with them it is different. We laid in bed and I held her while she cried, and she did not want to nurse. I did not find it a pleasant way for her to go to sleep... BUT it did not break my heart like I thought it would. cuz frankly she has cried to sleep nursing, being rocked, swaddled, and carried on my front or on my back.

i am one tired mama, so even though dd is my first, i feel ya mama. you're doing it with love, do what you must for your whole family to be well. a little crying isn't anything for us to be afraid of. I felt dd's cries were like... annoyance, not fear, because I was right beside her. like "i'm trying to sleep! i'm tired! i need to sleep! help me sleep? sleep! i'm tir.....zzzzzzz....."


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## changingseasons (Mar 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Still_Learning* 
something has to change.

i swore i would never leave my babies to cio, but i'm at a breakign point. my 8 month old doesn't sleep. she takes 2 twenty minute naps a day and wakes every 20-45 minutes all night.

Have you looked into possible causes for her frequent waking? That is definitely not normal for 8mo. For us, it was food allergies- when DD is reacting to a food, she's up that often. When we figure out the trigger(s) and pull them from her diet, she sttn.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Being there with them when they cry is not the same as putting them in the crib & walking away to cry alone. Not the same at all.

Can you wear her during the day & have her nap as you go about activities with your older dc? I often have found ds sleeps best when he's on my back.


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

my DS woke up every 15-30 minutes at that age too. It was exhausting. He does have allergy/intolerance issues, but even with elimination diets he still woke that frequently. I think for him it was developmental, he started walking at 9.5 months and then started sleeping much better. 8 months was the worst time in my DS's life. It will get better.









I agree allergies are definitely worth looking into though.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

that is really tough!

I second food allergies! DD just got a yogurt cup at Grandma's house, had a contact rash and then that night she was up every hour! I thought I was going insane so I can only imagine how you feel with it being consistently every night.









I vote doing an elimination diet and also have you fiddled around with your clothing...my brother was horribly sensitive to detergents and certain fabrics. We thought he was a 'colicky' baby when actually he had numerous food and chemicals allergies.









In the meantime, have you tried giving her arnica 6x tablets and bach's remedy?


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## Still_Learning (Jan 29, 2005)

Thanks everyone. I should have mentioned that I did an elimination diet to no avail.

She was so tired tonight she didn't have the strength to cry, poor thing.

I nursed her in bed and when she finished she squirmed around mad that I wasn't picking her up but fell asleep. She's woken up 3 times in the 2 hours she's been asleep. So far I've stuck to it and not picked her up, just patted her back, snuggled close and nursed once. Nothing more than a few unhappy grunts.

If she weren't soooo exhausted it would be a different story, so we'll see what the rest of the night brings.


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## amylahminute (Nov 22, 2008)

At 8 months, my son started only wanting to fall asleep next to me without being carried. He still cried as he was falling asleep, but he'd scream and wake up if I picked him up. You're doing alright mama. I hope you get some rest.


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## SLPmom76 (Jan 31, 2010)

Funny I found this post, I was just wondering the same thing as I also feel at my wit's end. And now, it's not so much about me as it is about DS. He's just not getting enough sleep, and even when his hours "match up" to the average range for his age, he just doesn't seem to be getting enough deep sleep. I feel like his sleep issues are really starting to affect a normally happy baby. Granted, my DS doesn't wake up as much, but it is still physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting, esp. when I have PPD on top of it! I have tried to let him cry while I comfort him while lying next to him. I found it aggravated him if I did that, but if I just laid there quietly he seemed to not cry as hard and it turned in to more of a "fuss." Keep us updated, I would love to see how it turns out. It also seems my DS doesn't get as mad if DH is doing it...this happened last night. DS was crying, I walked in and said something quietly to DH, and immediately DS' cry turned into an "I'm mad" cry.


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## babywearer_anon (Sep 11, 2009)

My 8 month old is similar right now. I think it might be the teething, though.
She's almost exclusively still on breastmilk as she's just not really into solids. But I guess I should see about my own diet affecting her.

Thanks for posting with such honesty, mamas. I don't post much, but appreciate everything I read!! It feels good to be reminded that we are never alone!!


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## Still_Learning (Jan 29, 2005)

Well I haven't tried it yet as dd has a cold now. No way can I not rock her when she's not feeling well, poor girl

as soon as she's better I'm going to try, something has to change.


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

what you describe id DEFINITELY not cio. when my ds2 was that age he woul dnurse to sleep but then wake up (in my bed or in my arms if i was onthe couch watching tv) and cry for hours, in my arms. nothing i could do about it, he cried if i paced, if i put him in the sling, if i dared to try a midnight car ride, if i offered the breast, so after a few weeks i just gave up and held him and watched tv while he cried. later, i got internet at home and learned about a whole list of things that could have been making him cry, but at the time, i did the best i could, which was to jsut to hold him while he cried.


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## SLPmom76 (Jan 31, 2010)

Just tried to do with my DS's nap, where we have the most problems. Tried for at least 15 minutes, and thought he was settling down, but didnt' (Trying to do techniques from the "Good Night, Sleep Tight" book). Went to swaying and pacifier, got really drowsy, then I put down when he was just asleep. Fussed for a few seconds as I patted his back, then he fell asleep pretty quickly. Slept for about 90 minutes, with me turning on the crib vibrator once and me touching firmly, patting him a few times. Never really sure if he got back into deep sleep though, but he seems pretty happy now. My DS also got over a cold and was on antibiotics for an ear infection that I know messed with his gut. Keep me posted on your situation!


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## beep (Aug 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessedwithboys* 
what you describe id DEFINITELY not cio. when my ds2 was that age he woul dnurse to sleep but then wake up (in my bed or in my arms if i was onthe couch watching tv) and cry for hours, in my arms. nothing i could do about it, he cried if i paced, if i put him in the sling, if i dared to try a midnight car ride, if i offered the breast, so after a few weeks i just gave up and held him and watched tv while he cried. later, i got internet at home and learned about a whole list of things that could have been making him cry, but at the time, i did the best i could, which was to jsut to hold him while he cried.

This is what we end up doing-nursing our 9 week old down, then just holding him after he wakes up and shrieks for hours. It's not anything basic that's keeping him up (hungry, wet, etc.). What can we do?


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

beep how long is your 9 week old asleep - could it be reflux?


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## beep (Aug 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
beep how long is your 9 week old asleep - could it be reflux?

He usually only sleeps 15 minutes or so. He only has this issue at night, though, and never during the day, which makes me think it's not reflux.


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

Well....it might not be severe reflux but the quick wakeup implies something. Earache? Fuller tummy at night? Only time he nurses lying down?


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## beep (Aug 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
Well....it might not be severe reflux but the quick wakeup implies something. Earache? Fuller tummy at night? Only time he nurses lying down?

These are good questions and helpful... We hadn't considered the earache, but will try to pay more attention to whether any of his discomfort localizes to his ear. I don't think his tummy is fuller--we have tried nursing longer and shorter to test this, and feeling the roundness of his belly, and it doesn't seem to make a great difference. I don't think it's the nursing position, because the same one works fine pre-nap.

I think the idea of trying to figure out what is special/different about nights is a good one. Among the things we've come up with are that maybe he is tireder or having problems settling down, and that maybe cosleeping isn't for him. I had thought it might be that his bedtime is too late (he usually naps solidly in his napping place from about 7-9, and then is up nursing until we go to bed about 10-10:30...and then by 11 is rigid, bright red, and howling so hard he can't catch his breath. But our going to bed really early with him didn't help--he just did the same pattern but all in bed. We don't have the heart or the energy to try to prevent his evening nap to see whether he'll sleep better later. We have tried bringing his napping carrier into the bedroom, having him sleep on the bed in his snuggle nest, having him sleep next to, cuddled up to, and on each of us... none of this seemed to help.

Thanks for all your thoughts and for being a forum where I can write it out.

P.S. We are going to try keeping him upright while and after eating tonight to test the reflux hypothesis just in case that's it.


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## Sweetiemommy (Jul 19, 2005)

Keep up the good work mama, be consistent. You are there, it is not CIO. Stay calm, they seem to get more upset if you are stressed. I would do kegels to distract myself, LOL.


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