# When is it "safe" to cosleep?



## aeterna (Nov 6, 2008)

We have a 2-week-old who sleeps with us in bed. We also have an arm's reach sidecar, obtained with the best of intentions to observe sleep safety (because we have a very soft bed), which DS quickly shared his derisive opinion of when he determined he would not sleep anywhere but in arms. Or on our chests. Lol. Turns out, everybody is right and I'm comfortable with how *aware* I am of him overnight, plus I'm rather enjoying the sleep sharing so no objections there. =) the sidecar now conveniently holds the pump and other supplies.









But I was advised not to tell my ped that we were Co-sleeping. Fair enough, I know many object. Just wondering if there is an age at which bed sharing is no longer cause for concern that you'll "smother the baby"? 6 months? A year? When can I expect to not get lamblasted for having a family bed? Just curious. =)


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## atlantafemme (Aug 4, 2007)

If you have a conservative ped, he or she will never like it. Those types think family beds at any age are dangerous and cause children to develop "attachment disorders." Total crap, of course. My two boys who've both coslept in our bed since their first days alive have never been harmed and are both almost too independent.


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## Oldoak (Dec 27, 2011)

I have shared a bed with both my boys since birth. Before I even knew about "co-sleeping"! My oldest is four and falls alseep fine on his own in his own bed.

With the birth of my second, there has been change. My big boy falls alseep in his own bed and then moves in with my husband to sleep with him while Baby and I move to Big Boy's bed so we can nurse.







Our bed just isn't big enough, also I was concerned about the safety with the older sibling in the bed.

I never have told my Ped about it. I don't really like her all the much anyway. Terrible, I know! (She is the only one available to us.)

I did have my oldest sleeping in a crib after about seven months after some urging from concerned family members. But I know better now!

I think mothers/families will always get some concern/harassment about co-cleeping. Oh how in the world did babies sleep before cribs and bottles came along?!









I'm new to Mothering, btw. This is my first post, so, hello!


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## whozeyermamma (Oct 11, 2007)

Coslept from birth with both kids. Well, both kids slept on my chest for the first 2 months at least. DD (older) was in and out of crib and our bed for years. DS (younger) was always in big bed. (Still is. Now as we speak. Type, anyway.)

As for your soft mattress - this can be an issue - I would not feel comfortable with baby on a very soft mattress. Ours was rather firm. Oh and DS tummy slept from the beginning too. If you feel the mattress is too soft, I'd use the cosleeper once babe is out of arms. (I was totally never worried about rolling over on either of them. In arms/ on my chest was always fine by me.)

I would tell your ped you are cosleeping. You will find out about their philosophy quickly and will know whether you could use a different ped! 

My ped has never asked about general parenting issues about sleep, or anything else - I love their philosophy - they are just there to take care of them when they are SICK as they are DOCTORS (which I can't do.) They recognize that I am the expert on parenting my own children.

Good luck!!!


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## lactomom (Nov 11, 2009)

First off, I recommend reading "Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping" by James J. McKenna

I have bed shared with both my kids at birth, and our 3rd will he no different! Neither of my children have sleeping issues! However, we didn't force our kids into their own bed. When they were ready, then they moved on to the next stage, NO RUSHING!


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

It really depends on who your ped is. I see ped in the same area as you, and she has known that we coslept from day one, and never said a word against it. Honestly, if you have the arms reach, you may find that you will use it as he gets older. My DD went back and forth between my arms and the pack n play bassinet that was sidecarred to my bed for months. Eventually, she got too heavy and just slept in the bed with us. It is my opinion that if you cant tell your doctor the truth about how your child is being cared for, then maybe you arent suited with the best doctor







But, it all depends on how you look at it. If you dont care what the ped thinks, then dont tell him/her. I dont think there is an age where doctors all of the sudden think its appropriate. I think most doctors who are against co sleeping probably go from the "you could smother them" mentality, to the "they shouldnt be at the breast all night" mentality, to the "they will never learn to sleep on their own" mentality. If they arent supportive of how you are choosing to parent, then they are just that- not supportive.


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## lactomom (Nov 11, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> It really depends on who your ped is. I see ped in the same area as you, and she has known that we coslept from day one, and never said a word against it. Honestly, if you have the arms reach, you may find that you will use it as he gets older. My DD went back and forth between my arms and the pack n play bassinet that was sidecarred to my bed for months. Eventually, she got too heavy and just slept in the bed with us. It is my opinion that if you cant tell your doctor the truth about how your child is being cared for, then maybe you arent suited with the best doctor
> 
> ...


Very well put! Agree 100%


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## sunflwrmoonbeam (Oct 9, 2006)

Why bother mentioning it to the ped at all? I don't talk to my doctor about my sleeping arrangements, why would you mention it to the ped? Peds are doctors, not parenting advisors.


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## amautik (Nov 23, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sunflwrmoonbeam*
> 
> Why bother mentioning it to the ped at all? I don't talk to my doctor about my sleeping arrangements, why would you mention it to the ped? Peds are doctors, not parenting advisors.


The doctor specifically asked about it, and when the public health nurse came by for a visit, she took a look to see that the crib was in our room and empty save for a sheet on the mattress.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Our pediatrican also asked about our sleeping arrangements. I didn't say we were co-sleeping as I don't think its their business.

We co-slept with our DS(9) until he was about 7 and he still sometimes comes in our bed for snuggles. We co-sleep with our new born because he loves it, he wants to be close to me, and we BF.


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## aeterna (Nov 6, 2008)

My ped hasn't asked, and I don't expect it to be a problem (and I don't much care if it is, lol).... It was really more of a curiosity thing, if you did have that kind of problem, when might you expect for a "professional" to no longer give you crap about it. Adaline's mama, I think you have the right of it, honestly... The objection will change as the child ages, but if they object to it at all they're likely to keep objecting, they'll just change the reason they're objecting. Interesting! =)


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

always 

Seriously, it's the pediatrician's issue if he or she objects, not the fact that you co-sleep. My midwife encouraged me from the very beginning to take ds in bed with me, and never mentioned anything about "safe" co-sleeping (that would imply co-sleeping is unsafe).

Personally I would have felt that my babies were unsafe if they had slept apart from me, especially as newborns.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *transylvania_mom*
> 
> *always*
> 
> ...


I have to disagree with this. There are times when it is NOT safe to co sleep.

~When you bed is up off the floor and you dont have a bedrail or co sleeper to keep a baby from falling off.
~When either parent has been drinking or is taking sleep inducing medication like Nyquil or Benedryl
~When the mother is a very hard sleeper and does not wake to small noises in the night.
~When either parent is a smoker, especially if they are smoking in bed or right before bed.
~When parents are obese to the point of having respiratory problems that could result in deeper sleep.

I could think of more, but these are just a few off the top of my head. There are plenty of times when it is not okay to be cosleeping. If a mom is a a normal, healthy, sober, person who can wake up very easily then it is safe to cosleep. But, that is not always the case.


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