# Dd rubbing herself on table til it hurts



## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

My dd will be 3 in Dec. and from about 10 mos old has been rubbing her privates on things. Stroller strap, high chair strap, even my hip when in a sling. I've taken her to the ped to rule out infections and she's gotten a clean bill of health each time. I think she just does it to soothe herself.

Her favorite place is on the corner of our coffee table, but she also will do it on the corner of our water bed. She's potty trained now so there's not any padding between her privates and the table, and she will rub until it's red and chafed. I asked her recently when she was doing it if it felt good or hurt. She said felt good. I asked was it itchy or tickly and she said tickly. So there's no doubt now in my mind that it's for pleasure and not becuase she has an itch or something.

So how do I stop this? I always thought she would outgrow it and no big deal. I don't care that she does it except that it's hurting her. Padding on the table isn't an option-- tried it and it won't stay, and she still gets chafed. Distraction works for about 5 min. and she's back to it again. I'm on partial bedrest so can't always involve her in other activities to keep her mind off it. I suggest things like to get her puzzles and she says no and keeps doing it. I just want it to stop before she does some damage to herself.

Thanks,
Darshani


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## sleepies (Nov 30, 2001)

id distract her

if a doctor sees how she is injured herself, they might think you did it to her.

id stop it.

she might have a yeast infection.

talk to her about it nice..dont embarass her, but definately stop it


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## mamangazelle (Apr 25, 2003)

Maybe you could suggest she can do it only in private, explain that it is something everyone does (I see it as masturbation, and lots of kids do it, my dd does it), but that you do inthe privacy of your bedroom. Maybe that way she's going to find something less hard to rub against in her bedroom







:







:
I know I'm no big help.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:

Maybe that way she's going to find something less hard to rub against in her bedroom
That's what we were doing before I got on bedrest-- told her to do it on our bed since at least it's padded. But even on our bed she's getting a rash.

Like I said we had her checked out with the ped and no yeast infection or anything. She's perfectly healthy and when I asked dd she said it didn't itch or hurt.

Darshani


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## detergentdiva (Oct 16, 2002)

What I tell our kids is that it is ok for them to touch themself but they must do it in their room. It is a private thing and only they can touch their private areas. If they would like to continue then they need to go into their room until they are finished.
Usually very nonchalant (sp) and I also throw in the bit about no one else touching them. I figure it's perfect timing as they are currently experiencing "pleasure" there so they know exactly what I am talking about.
If you constantly ask her to finish in her room and gently remind her that is a private act then it may help.


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## tausborn (Aug 10, 2003)

My daughter used to rub herself until she was red around her vulva too. I also worried about a yeast infection or UTI, but the doctor always said she was fine. I tried to let her know that she might be rubbing too hard, but she didn't think it hurt. All I can say is that she never "really hurt" herself. I have kind of assumed that it must not hurt even though it looks like it should. I decided to trust that she would stop if it became uncomfortable. She's 4.5 now... She hasn't ever damaged herself or gotten a rash from rubbing herself, even if she's looks a little red from time to time.

I'd say.... don't worry. But it is up to you where you want her to perform this activity. If you need to keep an eye on her during the day from your bed, then you can wait until later to start sending her to her room. I let my daughter use her bath time, her room, or our room (where she sleeps anyway).


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## LiamnEmma (Nov 20, 2001)

Both of my children are avid masturbators. ds has always been very open about it, and I've told him that he needs to do it in the bedroom or bathroom because it's a private activity. He requires reminders periodically, but mostly he's okay with it--he's 4.

Two and a half year old dd has recently discovered that her doll's head is the perfect size for humping. And she spends significant amounts of time doing it. I haven't said anything to her about it though because she _does_ do it in private. In fact, if you walk in on her, she'll pick up her baby and change rooms. The other day, she hid herself under her sheets to do it. I could hear her kissing her baby too. :LOL She has also tried it while sleeping on top of me, and I just ask her to stop. I do find it interesting that she so instinctually knows what to do.

Sometimes children with masturbate as a sign of anxiety. I know that ds does that periodically, and I wonder if maybe your dd is having a bit of anxiety too? I know you were also concerned with her aggression, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's increasing the rate to lessen anxiety or distract herself a bit from your situation? Anyway, I agree with other posters that I wouldn't necessarily stop it, just redirect it to a more appropriate privacy level and location.

hang in there!

Leah


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:

Sometimes children with masturbate as a sign of anxiety. I know that ds does that periodically, and I wonder if maybe your dd is having a bit of anxiety too?
I know that's what it is. She had almost "weaned" herself from it until I got put on bedrest. She also spent a few sleepless nights calling out to me every hour or so to make sure I had not left for the hospital. It scared her that I left for the hosp. and dh put her to bed, but I was home by morning. It's a big change for her to not have me take her out anywhere and so she probably doesn't burn off her energy and needs some other way to get it out.

She's regressed in potty training too, since the bedrest. She was going all on her own and now I have to remind her or she'll have an accident. So I'm sure it's just the stress of adjusting to this new change.

The aggressiveness thing is different I think. That's been going on for a couple months and I think she's just not interested right now in playing with kids her own age. I'm going to respect that. She enjoys structured group activities but not free play. She is an only child and doesn't know how to handle kids always wanting to grab toys from her, or how to wait for someone to give up a toy that she wants. She knows the rules for playing nicely but has very little impulse control sometimes, and probably doesn't think it's fair from her point of view. After all she can't really put herself in the shoes of others yet. She's starting too.

Thanks for the tips. Dh and I suggested nicely and then threatened to put her in time-out if she kept doing it on the table. We told her she could do it all she wanted on the padded corner of our waterbed frame. She took that seriously and is now excusing herself to our room when she feels the need.

Leah, lol! about the doll's head! Maybe I should find something portable for dd too!

Darshani


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

Yes, DEFINITELY DON'T stop your daughter from masturbating like this, as stopping her may cause more trauma than letting her continue. In fact, make sure that she knows that it is very OK to do that, BUT in her own private times. I would find an object for her to use (like the doll's head) so that she could carry it with her and pleasure herself with it whenever she felt the need. My two sons (ages 5 and 7) have enjoyed masturbating from early on and I have never discouraged them from it, although they know that it is something that they should do in private. My oldest has been an "expert" for quite some time, but I think my 5 year old is becoming even more experienced (lol !). They both know that it's ok with me and that they can have fun without being chastized for it. My sister's 4 y/o dd uses a doll's head (she has worn the hair off the doll by doing it so much !) as well as the soft arm of a chair in her room for her humping purposes. My sister is completely ok with it and has taught her the privacy issue. Everything is going fine with it. So let your daughter enjoy herself ! It's totally natural and healthy !


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## jayayenay (Sep 28, 2003)

How are things going now?


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

I'm not saying this is the case for your dd but when I was 4 I was molested by an older cousin (14). After that I did inappropriate touching until I was old enough to know better. I never told my parents until I was much older as I didn't know the molestation was wrong.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:

How are things going now?
Great! She's almost totally stopped. She gets constipated easily and I'm seeing a pattern between her being constipated and rubbing herself, then a few hours later will do a hard bm. Since we've taken care of the constipation with diet changes, she doesn't do it nearly as much. When I don't pay attention to her diet as well, she starts doing it again.

Another factor is if she's upset about something she'll do it. When I see her doing it I offer to rock her instead. I'm keeping her busy with helping me around the house, and take her to YMCA to play in the childcare area while I read in the lounge, or dh will take her when he goes to swim. She loves it, loves playing with the other kids, and just seems overall much happier as a person.

If she chooses to do it we've taught her to pull a comforter over the corner of our waterbed frame to pad it first so she doesn't hurt herself. She's no longer allowed to do it in the livingroom on the diningroom table. I think she does it about 1 time a week now, vs. several times a day when I wrote this post. I think she's on her way to outgrowing this.

Darshani


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## jayayenay (Sep 28, 2003)

Sounds great.







Glad things are going well.


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