# Toddler Separation anxiety in dance class



## wooksmooks (Sep 27, 2007)

My DD is 3 and we went to a free trial ballet and tap class. The teacher seems wonderful and all the girls were jumping and dancing around and were having a great time. I dropped my DD off and left the room, there's a camera out in the waiting room where all the mamas can watch. Within 2 min. my DD just started screaming so I went in a took her out to the room with me to watch the other girls. She was so excited to start dance lessons and Now she's terrified of going back and I already paid tuition, fearing the last spot would be taken up.

I have stayed home with her since birth so this is the first time she's been in a class setting without me. I don't know if I should push her to do it or if she's just not ready yet. The instructor said her behavior is very normal and to just give it time.
Was wondering if anyone has had to deal with this and could use some advise.


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## carmel23 (Jul 21, 2006)

Honestly, I would get my money back and wait until she is older, or find a mommy and me class where the parent can stay and participate.

One of my kids was like that and had pretty intense separation anxiety until he was 5. Now he happily separates, but any class before that that required him going without me was a disaster. He might go one day, and refuse to go the rest of the time. I wasted a lot of money on classes that we would not finish, and it was also unfair to the other kids in the class who would have to listen to my child cry, and have their time taken up by the teacher trying to coax my child back into the class, yk? If the class is 30 to 45 minutes, even 5 minutes wasted is too much, imo.

So maybe give it a few more tries, but don't be surprised if she likes the idea of the dance class, but not the actual dance class. There is time enough for classes.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

I would *maybe* try one more time if your DD wants to go, and if that doesn't work I would let it go for now. Age 3 seems to be pretty young for an unparented class for most kids. I would try to find something you can do together.


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## Girlprof (Jun 11, 2007)

I would probably talk to teacher and keep trying. Our DD is 2.5 and she also just started dance. She's in daycare four days a week. Her brother also dances so she's been to the studio a number of times. I didn't expect any problems, but she totally freaked at the beginning of the first class.

The teacher said to just stay with her. This was the first class of a new session and about 1/3 of the class, the younger ones like my DD, had their moms with them. I consider this amazing, but the studio also had 2 extra teachers and a couple of older students as volunteer helpers so there was a ton of support.

For the initial part of the class, DD mostly sat on my lap or wanted me to carry her if it was a movement activity. I went ahead with that, just doing what kept her happy. The teacher brought out a huge range of props: scarves, teddy bears, balls. It was the balls that got my daughter down out of my arms and participating. She was still happy to have me nearby but she did most of the activities after that.

Well, ever since then we've been hearing about dance class every day. She's so proud of herself. She even remembered one of the little chants they did, which I had totally forgotten. Over the course of a 45 minute class, she went from scared and crying to completely loving it. I'll stay with her again next week if she wants, but it's clear she'll be able to handle this alone fairly soon.

For us, our DD has had some gross motor issues. I was hesitant about dance for someone so young but she was asking for it and it will clearly be helpful for her to learn more about how to move her body.

If your DD was crying after only 2 minutes and then left the class, I would talk to the teacher and try again. A good teacher will have a ton of experience with this sort of thing for this age group. Perhaps they will let you stay with the class as long as your daughter wants you there and then fade into the background if and when she is comfortable.

This is just my experience, of course, but I know if we had left after only 2 minutes, I would be feeling like it was a disaster. Instead, last night when I was taking DS to his dance class, DD threw a tantrum because she wanted to go to dance.


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## Evie P. (Apr 5, 2006)

My son was always like this, we had to quit every class, and there was no way I would ever leave him to cry. I also never understood why the teachers can't just let the mamas in the room so he can relax. The problem is our culture, not your babe. Her comfort is worth the money you'll lose on the tuition, or maybe they'll let you apply it to a class for you to take on your free time? (like any of us have any!) Or worst case scenario, find a family in need and give the class to their kid! I would just surrender to what she feels is best so she always feels safe. We did this for my son and now we are even homeschooling. I think it's wonderful when kids need their parents around them all the time -- the world was always like that til this century, and you can feel like you did a lot of things right if your babe loves to have you by her side. I would only worry about it if she is still unwilling to take dance class without you at age 8 or something.


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## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

I taught ballet classes for this age group for several years, and here's what I've found. most kids at three aren't ready to face a room full of people they don't know in a place they've never been, doing something they've never done without mom in the room the first couple of times. I would ask the teach if you can try sitting in the room with her at the next lesson. most teachers I've known are fine with that if the kid needs the reassurance. stay in the room for the next two lessons, then the third lesson, show her exactly where you'll be sitting, and then tell her that if she wants you she can ask the teacher to get you. If they won't let you go into the classroom, then they should give you a refund on tuition if you decide to wait a bit on taking classes. usually by 4-5 most kids are fine starting dance class without mom in the room.


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