# Making hospitals m/c friendly



## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

I have decided to write a letter to the hospital where I m/c. I feel like the treatment was grossly subpar. In addition to complaining, I want to give them tips on how to treat women and men dealing with m/c in the future.

Is there something your hospital did that made you feel better?

Do you have any ideas on how hospitals can improve?

I have a few ideas, but I would love to hear more.


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## Kayda's Mom (Feb 5, 2007)

One of my biggest complaints is that nobody calls you after to see if you are okay. Would that be too much to ask? Some people may not opt for this but it certainly would have been nice to feel like somebody cared.
I had some issues with the service the hospital offers for cremation. The issue is settled and we have our baby in an urn at home.

I also wrote to the Mom Show today (Canadian I believe) to tell them they should have a show on pregnancy loss. They spend so much time on pregnancy and babies.

To whom it may concern:

On March 5 I had a d&c following a miscarriage. At the time I was offered two choices of what to do with the remains. I was given a pamphlet explaining the choices. My husband and I chose option A which was to have the hospital look after sending our baby to a cremation service which would then take the ashes to _____ Cemetery. I was very glad that the hospital provided this service. It was a very sad and traumatic time for both myself and my husband and this brought us a sense of peace.

On March 6 my husband called _____ cemetery and was not able to find out when ashes would be spread. He was told that it may be done a couple of times a year but the person he spoke to was not sure. My husband then contacted _____Cremation Service and he was told that a pick up would be done when he was contacted by the hospital. We fully understood that the cremation service would be cremating multiple remains.

During the next three weeks my husband and I kept making calls to find out when our baby would be cremated and when the scattering of the remains would take place at _____ Cemetery. Every time I called the hospital I was given a different phone number to call...I think I had at least four. I left messages with people, even a social worker and my calls were not returned. That alone left me very distraught.

On March 27 I had had enough. It had been three weeks and I wanted to know when I could expect to be able to visit my baby at the cemetery. I finally spoke to somebody at the hospital and I found out that my baby's remains were still in pathology. To make a long story short I was able to get a hold of _____ Cremation Services and Mr. _____ was able to get our answers and look after our needs. Thank goodness. Mr. _____ is the only person in the last three weeks who showed us any compassion. How sad is that? I am not including the nurses at the hospital. They were very good to us and we have no complaints.

If _____ only scatters ashes twice a year then when are those times? Nobody seems to know.
I do not think it is unreasonable to have these answers. I do think it is unreasonable that my husband and I had to make so many phone calls to get answers. Especially during such a difficult time for us.

It is good that the hospital offers such a service but there are some wrinkles to be ironed out. It should be stated in the pamphlet when a person could expect their child's ashes to be cremated and then sent to the cemetery and then finally scattered. Had I known all of this on March 5 I would have never chosen option A. It has been very stressful not knowing where our baby is. It should be made clear to people when they can expect to be able to visit the cemetery. This is part of the grieving process and gives parents some closure. Leaving the situation ambiguous doesn't do anybody any good.

The point of my complaint is that losing a child is a very traumatic event in a person's life and they should not have additional worries such as what happened to us.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

When we lost our baby, our hospital was actually really good.

They didn't put us up in maternity (I've heard of this happening). We were on a seperate floor, far far away from pregnant mamas and babies.

They also hooked me up with SHARE and a local funeral home that buried babies who had been lost, so I was able to have her remains released to them and attend a funeral service,and I know where she is.

Also, they baptized the baby for me. I know it was probably silly, but they were willing to acommodate me. This meant a lot.


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## KnitLady (Jul 6, 2006)

For the most part my D&C experience was "good". However I do have a few things that I didn't like.

I hated that I had to sit in the main hospital waiting room for a long time. Everyone else was there for various normal procedures, and I was crying and it was really awkward and uncomfortable.

I didn't like that after I woke up the doctor didn't come and see me and say that everything went well. I felt brushed off and squeezed into his busy schedule (which I probably was).


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

The best part was when they sent me to maternity. While in the ER, losing the baby was so impersonal. I am grateful for the tender treatmet of the OB on call. So I believe somone who understands pg should be the one to take care of you and they *might* want to see if you ae okay with a socail worker (even though I think SW are incompetant most of the time, some women need help to greive initially)


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I know this is a little different, but I had a d&c the day after I found out. It was so awful. I had to retell why I was there to 4 different people. It was awful. Then they didn't let dh come into the waiting room part after they put the IV in. I sat there and sobbed for about 15 mintues before a nurse went and got dh. It was awful, and then the ob referred to what they removed from my uterus, my baby, as medical something or other. But it wasn't very nice. THankfully, I was pretty drugged at that point and it didn't hit me until later. They need to have people who are more sensitive with tihngs like this.


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## perl (Jan 17, 2006)

I actually lucked out and had an unbelievably caring and supportive ER staff taking care of me (and DH and DS).

However, they assumed (as did I) that the OB/GYN office would provide me with follow up care. The OB/GYN office was pretty clueless and didn't really know what to tell me. It ranged from "follow up 7-10 days after you pass tissue" to "call and make an appt if you feel like you need to." I was left with Dr. Google (and, of course, the wonderful ladies of MDC) to get me through this difficult time.

Strangely, I didn't receive discharge instructions from the ER. I don't know if they thought we didn't need them (me being a nurse and DH being a Dr) but I sure as hell could have used some information about what was going to happen. I was scared out of my mind.

In summary, it would have been a *huge* help to get some aftercare instructions from the hospital (expect cramping/bleeding, call if s/sx of infection, here's a website with more info/support/resources). Seriously, if not for the internet, I would have been in reeeeally bad shape.


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## purplepaisleymama (Jan 31, 2007)

I would love to try to make the hospital where I had my d&c at more mc friensly, but I am afraid that that would be virtually impossible. We found out at a routine visit when I was 13 weeks that the baby had stopped progressing at 8 weeks gestation, we decided to wait for a week to see what my body would decide to do. I was violently sick the entire time with hg, so I finally decided after a week of vomiting so much that my throat started to bleed to have a d&c to try to help with the hormonal side of the hg. The physician who actually preformed the surgery was wonderful, she visited with dh, I and a close friend who was there to help out with our ds ( he is an emt and his wife was watching our older 4 children while he helped us), the ob was great and agreed to all of my requests. It had been suggested that I have a spinal for anesthesia because of the state of my throat. I had no idea that a d&c could be preformed without any anesthesia, or I would have opted for that. The surgery went well, and recovery was fine, dh, ds and our dear friend were in the recovery area with me after about 30 minutes and I was ready to leave after about 3 hours, the numbness had to wear off before they would discharge. I went home and enjoyed a dinner with our friends and the next night was our family thanksgiving dinner with my brother and his son who were visiting from FL. That morning dh, the kids and I went to the store to get some groceries, I had to go because the doc had said not to leave me alone for 48 hours after surgery. I noticed that I had a very intense headache start and by the time we returned home about 1 hour later I was miserable. I took some pain meds and the headache was bearable, I rested. Everyone came over for the meal and I needed more meds to deal with the pain, I have a very high pain threshold and this was getting worse. The next morning our friends were becoming concerned that I was getting worse (he is an EMT and she is a nurse), we called the hospital and the anesthesiologist decided that I might have a slow leak of spinal fluid from the spinal. I was told to lay down and see if it would get better, the next morning I began vomiting from the pain when I would stand up. When we called the hospital I was finally advised to go in to see the anesthesiologist, when we showed up, after farming the older kids off with family, they told me that I would have an epidural patch. It was by far the worst experience of my life, the anesthesiologist was horrible, it was an hour long ordeal where I actually screamed for help and for him to stop loud enough that other staff came running. He kept me on the gurney and told me that if I moved I would be paralyzed, I screamed for him to stop, he refused and told me to shut up. It was awful. After 8 tries to get 20ccs of blood he had to start over and kept telling me that he was the one with the degree and that I would thank him for all of this later. I was sobbing sitting up, with a needle in my spinal cavity while this doctor was repeatedly stabbing the needle into my arm at random intervals, not starting from my wrist and going up the arm, but just haphazardly all over the arm. I am begging for my husband and the doctor is telling me that I will be thankful when this is over. After he finally gets what he thinks will be enough blood into the syringe, he injects it into the epidural and tells me to lie down.
I lay there, tears streaming down my face, with nothing to wipe them with. He stands across the room occasionally glancing over at me, the nurse who has been assisting him the whole time stands in the middle of the room looking from him to me, he decides that now is a good time to ask me what medications I am allergic to and whether I have ever had any adverse reactions to any procedures. He comments that I should be grateful that he has taken away the pain from the spinal tap that I had. I tell him that I had spinal anesthesia, it is then that I realize that he had never even looked at my record to see why I was there, he thought that I had been at the hospital to have a spinal tap. I sob that I had a mc and he just rolls his eyes and says that I should have told him that I had difficult veins.
I had that spinal headache 6 months, I suffered for another month before I would allow another anesthesiologist to try another patch, it was more successful than the first and my husband actually held my hand the entire time. I can say that we are lucky that the spinal headache happened as it led to a lipoma in my brain being diagnosed, but I do wish that I had been treated with more respect.

Throughout the entire mc at the hospital I was treated without much care, except for the nurses on the L&D floor who had to administer the rho-gam, they were wonderful and put me in a spare room, with a snack and drink to wait, they asked questions, listened to my story and were so comforting. The homebirth mw whom I saw for the very early part of my last pregnancy, before I miscarried was incredible, she offered to come to my house to support me while I was mc. She called me everyday for a week to check on me, she was there to talk to and she was respectful of my decisions. I was so grateful to have someone who was confident in my body and my ability to make the right decisions for myself. My second mc which I experienced at home, was a very different and emotionally easier experience, I felt that I had the time and support to work through what happened to me and my hopes and dreams.

Other women that I know have experienced mc's at the local hospital and they were all left to labor alone in a room. They were all treated deplorably and without any respect at all. I was so saddened to hear of the pain and suffering that they went through when most times all that is needed are a few kind words and a supportive demeanor.

Sorry for this being so long, I have finally started to process this and I feel so much better realizing that I was actually strong, I felt to victimized and helpless when this happened and now I feel as if I have climbed a mountain, I have known the struggle and I am now recounting the journey.
laura


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## jessicasocean (Mar 21, 2008)

I think that all staff members that will come in contact with families that are going through a loss should take a class on compassion, and how to handle things right. They need to understand that this is a devistating issue and they will make it a memory as well. What I mean by that is if a nurse is kind and compassionate, you will remember that as your care during this time, but if she is an a**, you will remember that too, and your horrible experience will be even more rememberable.


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessicasocean* 
I think that all staff members that will come in contact with families that are going through a loss should take a class on compassion, and how to handle things right. They need to understand that this is a devistating issue and they will make it a memory as well. What I mean by that is if a nurse is kind and compassionate, you will remember that as your care during this time, but if she is an a**, you will remember that too, and your horrible experience will be even more rememberable.

This is so true. Some of the nurses I had (2 days in hospital for an induction) were great, some were deplorable. Same with the doctors. I actually had one who completely disregarding my earlier indications that I didn't want an epidural tried to brow-beat me into having one (contractions were at 2-3 minutes). My DH and BF had to threaten physical violence to get her to leave me alone. Luckily the nurse that was on duty when he was actually born was one of the good ones... she caught him, handed him to me and pretty much left us alone. She went and found footprint cards for us and printed him, helped me clean up then got us what we needed in order to give him a bath. But that entire time I never saw a doctor... from the time they threw the doc out of my room until 7 hrs after he was born I didn't see a dr.

<sigh> I really wish compassion and empathy were required courses in medical school.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)




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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

How is this?

Quote:

To whom it may concern:

January 20, 2008 was a day that changed my life forever. That morning I had felt strange pressure in my pelvic region. This was not a good sign since I was 16 weeks pregnant. I feared an impending miscarriage, and I feared that the strange pressure was caused by the amniotic sac.
My boyfriend and I decided to go to the ER at Biloxi Regional Hospital. Eventually, my boyfriend and I were placed in a room. They took some blood. About an hour or two after our arrival, I was taken for an ultrasound.

My worst fears were confirmed.

On the ultrasound I could plainly see that my baby's legs were dangling outside my cervix. The ultrasound technician said nothing to me, but I knew what was going on.
Once again, I was pushed on a cot through meandering hallways back to my room. A little while later, a male nurse told me not to get up, and he also said I may need a catheter. They were not sure what was going on. Even later, a female doctor came in. She informed me that I was having a miscarriage, I was 2 ½ cm dilated, and there was nothing anybody could do. I was given a choice between a D&C and pushing baby out naturally. I chose the latter.
The decision was difficult to make. Going through with it was even more difficult. I am on a 'bed' with my legs up. This is very emotionally painful and heartbreaking. My boyfriend was next to me holding my hand, and he broke out in tears. I asked them if I could stand up. I reasoned that the whole process would be easier and quicker if I stood up. Evidently, they knew this as well-that is why they were trying to give me a catheter. Consequently, the process lasted longer than it had to. In addition, the nurses gave me Pitocin without my consent. Since the placenta did not come out fast enough for them, I had a D&C anyway.
The whole experience was awful. I did not care for how I was treated at the hospital either. I suppose the purpose of this letter is to bring about change in how this facility manages miscarriages.
One of my deepest regrets was not having anything by which to remember my baby. I did have an ultrasound, and no one offered me a copy. Please understand that I did not ask because I was in shock which a lot of women and their partners experience during and after a miscarriage. Also, I felt guilty because I saw the baby, but my partner did not. The hospital should offer printouts of the ultrasound and allow the male partner in the ultrasound room. In fact, the hospital should probably offer an ultrasound at least once.
Some hospitals offer memory boxes or memory books that contain pictures, footprints, and handprints of the baby. Some go a step further and help arrange small funeral services. I would also like to suggest that the hospital provide resources for bereaved parents such as support groups specifically for those who have miscarried, websites, and books amongst other things.
Parents should be given the opportunity to hold the baby and grieve privately if they so choose. I cannot emphasize my next point enough-caregivers need to be more compassionate. The staff members had a general air of coldness about them. I was given statistics on how often miscarriage occurs (20-25% of pregnancies). I suppose the doctor was trying to make me feel better, but it did not work. It especially did not work after I discovered the chance of miscarrying in the 2nd trimester is 3%. I don't recall anyone saying so much as, "I'm sorry." Perhaps a bereavement counselor would be able to help the hospital staff. As far as billing, use different language besides "spontaneous abortion." This can be both offensive and saddening. Besides, men get euphemisms for their difficulties. It would be much easier on mothers especially those on Medicaid to get one bill in a timely fashion since their benefits may expire within several weeks.

Please for the sake of women and their spouses who may experience a miscarriage at Biloxi Regional Hospital, consider revising hospital policy.


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## mommy2j (May 17, 2008)

Hello, this is actually my very first post, but I had to respond!
I'm mother to a healthy and beautiful 7 month old boy, but back in Dec. 06, I had what my dh and I KNOW was a miscarriage at about 6 weeks along. We had been trying and Aunt Flo was over 5 weeks late! I was sleeping under my desk at work, craving chocolate milk 24/7, bloated, etc. One day at work I started cramping uncontrollably, then after work I bled out immensely. DH rushed me to the ER, and I was handled by female docs so I thought, "Great! At least they're women, they'll be understanding!" Well, I was told it was "just a heavy period" even though I was LATE and my DH was so upset, he brought out a pad I had soaked at home earlier with a HUGE purple mass which the doc dismissed as a "big period clot".

You KNOW when you are preggo, esp. now that I've had a baby...it shocked and appalls me to this day how non chalant and dismissive they were of us! These ER docs need way more sensitivy training IMO.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2j* 
Hello, this is actually my very first post, but I had to respond!
I'm mother to a healthy and beautiful 7 month old boy, but back in Dec. 06, I had what my dh and I KNOW was a miscarriage at about 6 weeks along. We had been trying and Aunt Flo was over 5 weeks late! I was sleeping under my desk at work, craving chocolate milk 24/7, bloated, etc. One day at work I started cramping uncontrollably, then after work I bled out immensely. DH rushed me to the ER, and I was handled by female docs so I thought, *"Great! At least they're women,* they'll be understanding!" Well, I was told it was "just a heavy period" even though I was LATE and my DH was so upset, he brought out a pad I had soaked at home earlier with a HUGE purple mass which the doc dismissed as a "big period clot".

You KNOW when you are preggo, esp. now that I've had a baby...it shocked and appalls me to this day how non chalant and dismissive they were of us! These ER docs need way more sensitivy training IMO.

I'm sorry for your loss,and I'm sorry you were treated like that.

That's what I thought when the doctor finally came. She was cold as ever. The only staff member who should a modicum of true concern was male.


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## avivaelona (Jun 24, 2005)

Honeybunch I'm so sorry you were treated so poorly and even more sorry about your loss. Some of the larger child loss organizations actually have information packets to send to hospitals about child loss that you might want to include with your letter. Look at the MISS website and the SHARE website and see what they have. Here is the link for the MISS one: http://www.misschildren.org/


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Thanks for that link. Even though I already sent the letter, I can e-mail them the link.


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## mamabearing (Jun 2, 2006)

I applaud you for taking such a postive action to help other moms not go through what you went through.

Where I work we do almost everything you were asking for, sometimes more if we can.

I am so sorry for your loss. I do believe that had the staff had the correct education on how to deal with miscarraige and loss that it could have been less painful.

This is the program everyone where I work went through. It is VERY helpful.

http://www.bereavementprograms.com/

I had a loss at 11 weeks and it was very painful, even though everyone was kind and did and said the right things. I have a memory box. I have made footprints of 16 week babies, made memory boxes, helped them in creating memories. It is possible to do SOMETHING at almost any gestation but even I think 20 years ago in nursing school was the first time I helped a woman at 16 weeks, and did much of what you asked for.

I just want to say I respect you a lot and you wrote a great letter. It was so well written I think you may have a good chance of making a positive impact at the hospital.

I am so sorry you had to endure this loss and so sorry that you were not treated with the kindness, respect and educated care that you deserved.


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

well written letter.

I went to the ER after I began to bleed very heavily, and after the baby had been born. (9 week m/c) The staff behind the desk was not very caring. They asked what my complaint was as I was signing in, and I told them, I'd miscarried about 5 or 6 hours ago, and the bleeding had increased to the point I very nearly passed out. "ok, go sit in there and we'll call you back"

Once back I had a very sweet nurse, who was good with a needle (didn't feel the blood draw, literally did not feel it) but the OB on call for the ER. He was trying to be charming. It bothered me. It didn't help that my husband had taken our 3 yr old out of the room when the doc came in, because neither of us wanted him (our ds) to see me like that.

Good for you for writing a letter.

I also didn't receive any kind of information for support. Just "call your doctor in the morning" and even they had nothing. I found SHARE by luck. They were a great help.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

No response from the hospital. What should I do now?


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

i was 22 weeks pregnant last month when we lost our baby and when they took me in the wheelchair to labor and delivery, I saw a hugely pregnant woman walking down the hall to increase her contractions while waiting to deliver. wow. how rude that they let me see that...and the pictures on the walls of cute babies. Take them down!


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## railyuh (Jun 29, 2005)

Who did you send the letter to? I'd try sending it again with multiple copies to different people like the public relations person and the hospital admin.

I've had some good and some bad experiences with my miscarriages. Some of the docs were very caring. With my first I went to the ER and sobbed in the waiting room for 3 hrs before they would see me, and then the woman told me I needed to stop crying and calm down because if I was miscarrying there was nothing they could do. Gee, thanks for your empathy!

I've had a couple doctors who acted like they didn't believe I was pregnant even though I'd taken home tests and even had them confirmed by a test with my primary doctor (had to so I could get a referral for an OB). With my last m/c, the doctor talked to me like I was stupid asking over and over how I knew I was pregnant and was having a m/c. Um, I had a positive home pg test, I had a blood test for my primary doc so I could get a referral, and now I am bleeding and this is the THIRD time I've been in this situation. Ugh. Then he does the u/s and he actually said, "OH, I guess you are pregnant." Um, duh! And then it took him another 5 minutes before he said anything else even though I could clearly see there was no movement and no heartbeat.

I've also come in because of spotting/bleeding and had the nurse run me through all these questions. I couldn't figure out why she needed to know all this info and it wasn't until she started asking about DS's ped and I was so confused that she said, "so that we can refer the baby to the same ped when it is time." Yeah, that was awkward to tell her that I was there because I thought I was having a m/c. I felt bad for her honestly, why did no one tell her why I was there? The front desk receptionist knew exactly who I was and why I was there when I showed up, don't they put it on my chart or something?

I think they should flag your chart for this so you don't have to tell people over and over you are there because you are m/c or just had a m/c, etc.


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

Gotta love how they don't talk to each other. After my m/c I had to go back to the OB's office for a follow up. I had been seeing a midwife but it was her 'day off' or whatever. And that was ok, it was just a quick ultrasound to make sure I didn't need a D&C. Well, the OB, female at that, was very cold. "And what can I do for you today".

"I had a miscarriage 36 hours ago, I'm here for a follow up per the doctor at the hospital"

"alright, lets take a look, lie back, and we'll do a vaginal ultrasound.....Yes you had a complete miscarriage. No sex for 4 weeks, and don't try to get pregnant for 3 or 4 months"

Then she gave the whole "if you experience.....call the office...blah blah blah"

Then she left the room. I was so livid. I did not go back there when I was pregnant with my daughter (4 months later, after trying when my first PP af came and went)


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeybunch2k8* 
No response from the hospital. What should I do now?


Hospital Administrator, Chief of Medicine, Chief of OB, Head of the "Mother baby" unit.

Send it to anyone and everyone.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Thanks y'all. I was thinking about going down there personally and asking to speak with someone, but I'll stick to the letters for now. lol


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

Hey, I think if you're up to the face to face, make some calls/appointments, and do it! I wish I'd done something about it.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Maybe I will just make an appointment.

I'm telling you, I've written to Congressmen and large Corporations, and I've ALWAYS received a response even if it was complete BS. I feel like I'm being disrespected again.

I didn't write it to anyone specific, but I don't know if I want to wait X amount of time to maybe get a response.


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

Thats a very good letter, I hope changes are made. I miscarried one twin with my first pregnancy, didnt know he was a twin until afterwords, and as i was miscarrying the doctor actually asked me if I had planned to get pregnant, or was it an accident where i was so young (21 and married lol) so yeah i would like to see some changes.

On the upside, my other little boy(who i was told would most likely miscarry too) held on tight and is now a healthy almost 4 year old


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

In a way you are being disrespected! They're ignoring you because they're uncomfortable. People don't know how to 'handle' miscarriage. So they ignore it.

Get in there, so they can see that you are a real person, who lost a real baby, and you deserve respect and guidance.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

They sent me a bill. Sure it's only $10, but it's a bill. It's been about 7 months, and they are still sending me bills.

Don't you DARE send me a bill that's dated for the fourth of august but not respond to my letter of complaint that has been mailed months ago.
















This is gonna get ugly!


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

I got a bill for $20 from my miscarriage. I didn't pay it







:


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AutumnBreeze* 









I got a bill for $20 from my miscarriage. I didn't pay it







:

That did not work for me. Now they are threatening my credit over 10 [expletive] dollars.









Oh and they still didn't respond to my letter. MORE DISRESPECT!!!

I admit I didn't call yet. Well, I did call but it was the weekend. I think they make sure I get these bills on the weekend.







:


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

They should allow husbands full access to their wives. I only went to the ER to find out if I was really losing the baby or not, but by the time I got there and got taken to the back it was obvious I was and they wouldn't let dh come back with me and I was alone for a really long time.







: while he was waiting worried and having no idea what was happening.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
They should allow husbands full access to their wives. I only went to the ER to find out if I was really losing the baby or not, but by the time I got there and got taken to the back it was obvious I was and they wouldn't let dh come back with me and I was alone for a really long time.







: while he was waiting worried and having no idea what was happening.

^I agree, and I'm sorry.







:

My OH wasn't allowed to go to the u/s so he never saw the baby. The funny thing is that I had a prenatal appt scheduled for 2 days after I m/c, and I'm sure he would have seen the baby then. I think not seeing the baby had a tremendous impact on how he is grieving.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Okay, I just called. It went well, director of the ER seemed really nice and listened to me. I'm suspecting it may have been one of the nurses perhaps???
I think if the physician had been on the phone I would have started acting ignorant.









I told him my complaints, he agreed and acknowleged them for the most part. At the end he asked how I could help him, and I told him not to let it happen to anymore women. I think this could bring about some change.









Oh and he said he didn't see any letters from me. Hmmm...

I'm glad I did call b/c he told me I might still be able to get the ultrasound, which I didn't know that.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

I finally spoke to the chief nurse. Turns out they have all the things I was going to ask for-they just didn't do it for me!!!









Also, the staff thinks it's not such a good idea that someone hold a 16 week fetus. Well, isn't that great. I never held my baby nor will I ever know the gender. It also seems like the staff may not have thought it was a good idea to hand-and footprint a 16 week old fetus (I've spoken with another nurse as well).


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