# you know you have a crappy sleeper when....



## lurve (May 5, 2006)

*you know you have a crappy sleeper when you start a "you know have a crappy sleeper" thread at 3 in the morning with your LO singing while sitting on your lap (and she's been up for two hours already...)

*when you hear people say their child used to sleep for 5 hours but now gets up every two hours and you think to yourself, "babies can sleep for two hours in a row?!!"

* when at 21 months of age your LO has never slept longer than an hour. ever

* when your LO will not sleep without you there. ever. for naps. for night. so you are in bed 14 hours a day (and your tush shows it!)

*your LO will wake up every three minutes for a period of hours for no known reason. you easily get her back to sleep by switching sides but you are awake. for the rest of the night

*when your fantasy life no longer involves sex but a pillow and 12 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep. ahh, bliss

peace mamas


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lurve* 
* when your LO will not sleep without you there. ever. for naps. for night. so you are in bed 14 hours a day (and your tush shows it!)

*your LO will wake up every three minutes for a period of hours for no known reason. you easily get her back to sleep by switching sides but you are awake. for the rest of the night

*when your fantasy life no longer involves sex but a pillow and 12 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep. ahh, bliss









this was us!

I would also add:

*you are in bed 14 hours a day because YOU need the sleep. In fact, you're usually not actually sleeping most of those 14 hours in bed, you're just laying there not able to sleep for one reason or another, so that's why you need the sleep.

*you really envy those mamas who can actually NOT have to nap with their child, and can get something done during their naps.

*you feel like your day revolves completely around trying to get your child to sleep. all day. every day.


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## Jannah6 (Aug 29, 2007)

And I thought that I had a crappy sleeper.


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## closedaccount15 (Dec 25, 2007)

oh goodness, I won't complain anymore - I have a 2 hour at a time sleeper


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## jennert (Oct 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lurve* 
*when your fantasy life no longer involves sex but a pillow and 12 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep. ahh, bliss


thank you. i sympathize. but it was wonderful to read all this expressed in such a delightful way! i'm still laughing. i needed that.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

*you don't drive any more b/c you can't even remember if the light was red or green or where you are going.

*your house is filthy and YOU DON'T CARE

*you cry as much as your baby

* you know more about infant sleep than sleep experts

V


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## Mommy2Haley (Oct 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KimPM* 
*you feel like your day revolves completely around trying to get your child to sleep. all day. every day.

Day? LIFE revolves around naps, bedtime, nursing, etc!!


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## MamieCole (Jun 1, 2007)

_
*when you hear people say their child used to sleep for 5 hours but now gets up every two hours and you think to yourself, "babies can sleep for two hours in a row?!!"

* when at 21 months of age your LO has never slept longer than an hour. ever

*your LO will wake up every three minutes for a period of hours for no known reason. you easily get her back to sleep by switching sides but you are awake. for the rest of the night

*when your fantasy life no longer involves sex but a pillow and 12 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep. ahh, bliss_

Right there with ya mama. I have this fantasy of leaving DS at home with DH for a whole day, going to a hotel, asking for their quietest room, checking in and sleeping ALL.DAY.LONG.

But I can't be gone more than a couple hours without DS melting down, so it will have to remain a fantasy.

I miss my old friend, Sleep. Maybe one day in the future we shall meet again.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

When it takes you loger to get her down for a nap than she actually naps.


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## leila1213 (Sep 15, 2006)

When you almost cry with desire from the thought of sleeping on your stomach...or even just being able to roll over to face away from your crappy sleeper.

When your DH gets no sleep because he accidentally left the monitor on and could hear your child waking all night...from his cozy couch in the basement.


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

*when you bump your own thread at 2 am with LO on your lap







:


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## HolliM (Apr 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
When it takes you longer to get her down for a nap than she actually naps.

This drives me nuts!!


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## earthgirl (Feb 6, 2006)

When you absolutely cannot wait until your LO outgrows nap time b/c it's such a freaking chore.

But truthfully, DD *finally* sleeps really well at night. But we have been through sleep-hell so I can totally relate.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I have been there w/all of mine..actually am still there w/them!!







:


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## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

...when you wake up in their toddler bed and don't remember how or when or why you got there.


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## Purple Line Design (Apr 24, 2007)

-when your DH is going outside to cook steaks and takes DD with him, you say thanks for the short nap... and DH replies, "But they'll be done in 6 minutes" and your reply is, "Yes, but it's 6 minutes of sleep!"







:

-when you know all of the late night programming due to your DD not sleeping during the hours of 1-5 am

-when you let DD sleep in until noon (or longer) just so YOU can get some sleep too.

-when you briefly fall asleep sitting up while drinking a cup of coffee and get rudely awakened by the hot wet feeling in your lap. (happened yesterday)









I'm so glad I found this thread... I was beginning to think we were the only ones! DD is almost 2 and has never really slept through the night. I can count on one hand how many times she's slept more than 4 hours straight (and 6 was the longest ever). All of the moms I know in real life have perfect children who sleep through the night w/o being attached to the boob. So happy to find we're not as strange as I thought.


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## vivalamanda0883 (Sep 16, 2008)

- when you reach 1000 steps when pacing the house at 3 am! (I used to count my steps to pass the time!)

- when 'Oh Dear God please go to sleep' becomes an actual song that you can't stop humming . . .

Luckily, DD is much better now but I still look back on those days/nights and shudder . . .

~Manda


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Thanks for making me laugh! I have a crappy sleeper, but you totally win. DD sleeps for at least one 2 hour stretch most nights.

*When you look forward to going to work since you can catnap at lunch in your office.

*When your DH sincerely wants you to stop driving and carrying the baby around the house since you are so unimaginably clumsy.

*When you truly want to smack every person who tells you they're "so sleepy" because they had to wake up at 6 AM, or went to bed late, or whatever. I always say "no you're not" when people tell me they're tired, unless they have an LO like DD!

*When your nightly prayer includes "please let her sleep tonight".


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## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

Sounds like some of you mamas have it much worse than I, but dd didn't go to sleep until after 10 last night and then we were up for 3 hours straight in the night:

*when you start to question your sanity as you lie in bed sobbing while your lo nurses

*when you day dream about contacting a sleep center and asking what's wrong with you or your child (or does this actually fit the range of normal? I really want to know.)

*when you adopt the mantra "well, her cousin started sleeping well when she was three" and don't let yourself consider the possibility that it could last longer than that

*when you tell dp you've decided you want to wait longer to ttc to give your body more time to recover from this one -- and he says, "Yeah, it seems like she's not really done with it (your body) yet."


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

When you've been sleepless for so long that you actually DO wake up refreshed and ready to hit the ground running... after three hours (total, not in a row) worth of sleep a night. And you only get cranky if you got less than 1.5 in a 24 hour period.

Seriously, pre-kids I used to love my sleep. I would keep dream journals and have dream pillows and everything. But in the mornings I would still need energy drinks and coffee. Then... pregnancy and kids. It took me about two years to get to this point but now I think my body gave up on trying to get me to go to sleep. I also cut out the caffeine and ironically I am MUCH more awake all the time now.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Oh yeah - I've even asked the ped for a referral to a sleep clinic or specialist.

I forgot one:
*When lack of sleep changes your baby making plans from 2 to just this one.


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## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

when is becomes something blissful to look forward to every night, when you wake up dh for "his turn" and get to lay in bed and listen to your dh handle the fussy baby...right beside you.... as long as YOU are not the one doing it at the moment... because you can stretch and relax and roll over and at least get physically comfortable for a few minutes.

And I know all the late night programming too... The discovery channel needs to get some new shows!


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## netgyks (Aug 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
I forgot one:
*When lack of sleep changes your baby making plans from 2 to just this one.

Yeah I didn't forget that one! Mine's not tooooo awfully bad, asleep by 11-midnight, but I have to get up early to work while he sleeps in and my body just cannot function anymore on the amount of sleep I get, though it used to be adequate pre-baby.

The fear of a really really horrible sleeper scares me out of the 2 kid idea. I'm barely cutting the mustard with 1!


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## chipper26 (Sep 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommy2Haley* 
Day? LIFE revolves around naps, bedtime, nursing, etc!!









:

I keep thinking she'll grow out of it and then another month passes by and nothing changes.


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

thank you my commiserating mamas! i have to second the "when you hear about another child who *finally* started sleeping through the night at a certain time. first it was 6 months for me and then LO didn't start. Then I heard 10 months and I waited patiently. Then a year. nada. Then 18 months. la-de-dum. now i am looking forward brightly to 2 years! but i have a feeling we might be in the 3 to 4 year stage. but there is nothing better than snuggling with her when she is passed out!


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

- when you have your first bonafide nervous breakdown.









- when you no longer think mothers who control cry their kids are lazy and/or terrible mothers; even though you can't bring yourself to do it, you actually understand and _envy_ mothers who do.

- when your husband gets a vasectomy because "we are NEVER doing this again!"

- when you have moved the TV into the garage for storage because there is no such thing as "evening free time", you're in bed by 7pm in desperate hopes of getting in some hours before "it" all starts.

- when you have old sheets up on the windows in more desperate hopes that less morning light means more morning sleep. Doesn't.

- the curtains covering the old sheets are taped with masking tape to the wall at the bottom, to stop the faintest glimmer of light entering under where they gap from the wall.

- your bottle of rescue remedy lives under your pillow.

- you've mastered the "bed rock", which is putting baby on your chest/stomach and rolling from side to side when comfort is needed because it's all the energy you have left.

- when that energy is depleted, you've mastered "resting" in bed while a baby screams in your arms. Sometimes you even manage to muster up enough movement to stroke his head to add to the pitiful pats on the diaper you're offering as comfort. You hope he can't feel you sobbing from your sense of hopelessness.

- you've nursed so much you and the bed are covered in puke and you don't even bother to wipe it before you and baby roll exhausted into it - face first.


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## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Calm* 
- when you have your first bonafide nervous breakdown.









- when that energy is depleted, you've mastered "resting" in bed while a baby screams in your arms. Sometimes you even manage to muster up enough movement to stroke his head to add to the pitiful pats on the diaper you're offering as comfort. You hope he can't feel you sobbing from your sense of hopelessness.

Yep. I often fall asleep in the middle of a word while singing to her, or in the middle of stroking her hair or patting her back. I am so tired right now that I almost cried reading your post...oh, the sobbing and begging for sleep!


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## blueridgewoman (Nov 19, 2001)

I hate that whole "more time putting her to sleep than actually sleeping" bit. Gah. Drives me insane-- I spend an hour and a half getting her down and she sleeps for twenty minutes. WTF?









And yes, we have mastered the side to side rock.


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## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

...you have to hop on MDC in the middle of the night (to check your last post) because you can't remember if your lo went to sleep at 9:15 or 10:15 and you are really curious about how many hours you just got.


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

*you scratch your nose and it wakes the baby*

*you swallow and it wakes the baby*

*the alarm goes off and you all sleep through it.... including the baby*


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabearsoblessed* 
*you scratch your nose and it wakes the baby*

*you swallow and it wakes the baby*

*the alarm goes off and you all sleep through it.... including the baby*










OMG, so true! Ridiculous. But true.


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## NokomisThree (Jun 26, 2008)

man that's funny stuff

how bout these

you learn to sneeze silently, even though you feel like it will blow your brains out.

You try to have everything in the house ON one night and OFF the next, you've tried absolute silence and absolute chaos. No dice. Then you have people over, and the babe sleeps like one, while everyone is eating dinner and enjoying themselves! They all think you're crazy because the baby is "so good." They leave, and all hell breaks loose.


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NokomisThree* 
man that's funny stuff

how bout these

you learn to sneeze silently, even though you feel like it will blow your brains out.

You try to have everything in the house ON one night and OFF the next, you've tried absolute silence and absolute chaos. No dice. Then you have people over, and the babe sleeps like one, while everyone is eating dinner and enjoying themselves! They all think you're crazy because the baby is "so good." They leave, and all hell breaks loose.


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Calm* 
- - when you have old sheets up on the windows in more desperate hopes that less morning light means more morning sleep. Doesn't.

- your bottle of rescue remedy lives under your pillow.

These two things are sooooo us.

I'd like to add:

- when you start the process of nightweaning and comment to your very AP minded chiropractor that you're thrilled you got 4 hours of sleep in a row, and your chiropractor looks at you like you've lost it.


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## Devaya (Sep 23, 2007)

when you want to strangle people who say 'my baby wakes up at 3 am every time'...


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

"When you have trained yourself to wake from a deep sleep and go silently running from the room because you have to cough."

"When you can single handedly hold your dh (who is literally almost twice your size) down when he wants to switch positions right after you have finally delatched the LO."

"When you spend every free moment on MDC's Family Bed and Nightime Parenting board ranting, venting, sharing sadness, disappointment, anger and occasionally laughter, finding strength in the community of women you've never met.


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## Momma2SoSweet (Feb 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *earthgirl* 
When you absolutely cannot wait until your LO outgrows nap time b/c it's such a freaking chore.

But truthfully, DD *finally* sleeps really well at night. But we have been through sleep-hell so I can totally relate.









This is where I am at. My dd has been a crappy sleeper all her young life and is FINALLY sleeping for long periods at night. However, getting her to sleep for her nap is such a chore- it is so draining that I actually dread nap time every day. I honestly can't wait until she doesn't need a nap anymore.


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## *Eva* (Jul 31, 2008)

When you have to pin your child down to get them to be still long enough to sleep. My 4 year old up until about 4 months ago used to have to be held down in a bear hug in bed to get him to lay down and stop moving long enough to sleep.


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## Tinker (Mar 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamieCole* 
_
*when you hear people say their child used to sleep for 5 hours but now gets up every two hours and you think to yourself, "babies can sleep for two hours in a row?!!"

* when at 21 months of age your LO has never slept longer than an hour. ever

*your LO will wake up every three minutes for a period of hours for no known reason. you easily get her back to sleep by switching sides but you are awake. for the rest of the night

*when your fantasy life no longer involves sex but a pillow and 12 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep. ahh, bliss_

Right there with ya mama. *I have this fantasy of leaving DS at home with DH for a whole day, going to a hotel, asking for their quietest room, checking in and sleeping ALL.DAY.LONG.*

But I can't be gone more than a couple hours without DS melting down, so it will have to remain a fantasy.

I miss my old friend, Sleep. Maybe one day in the future we shall meet again.

OMG!! I have that same fantasy!


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## Tinker (Mar 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Purple Line Design* 

I'm so glad I found this thread... I was beginning to think we were the only ones! DD is almost 2 and has never really slept through the night. I can count on one hand how many times she's slept more than 4 hours straight (and 6 was the longest ever). All of the moms I know in real life have perfect children who sleep through the night w/o being attached to the boob. So happy to find we're not as strange as I thought.









I'm right there with ya! Although my dd who is 2 has slept through the night 3 times in her life. I of course did not sleep through the night, because I kept waking up expecting her to wake up.







:


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## Tinker (Mar 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
Thanks for making me laugh! I have a crappy sleeper, but you totally win. DD sleeps for at least one 2 hour stretch most nights.

*When you look forward to going to work since you can catnap at lunch in your office.

*When your DH sincerely wants you to stop driving and carrying the baby around the house since you are so unimaginably clumsy.

*When you truly want to smack every person who tells you they're "so sleepy" because they had to wake up at 6 AM, or went to bed late, or whatever. I always say "no you're not" when people tell me they're tired, unless they have an LO like DD!

*When your nightly prayer includes "please let her sleep tonight".

~Or when your nightly prayer consists entirely of "Dear God, Please make her sleep."


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## Tinker (Mar 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
Oh yeah - I've even asked the ped for a referral to a sleep clinic or specialist.

I forgot one:
*When lack of sleep changes your baby making plans from 2 to just this one.

hehehe My stock answer when my first was little and people asked when we were having another was,"When this one sleeps!" Yup I have 2 kids and no sleepers.


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

* your LO refuses to put on a diaper at bedtime even though she is not potty trained. the last time you tried to put a diaper on her while asleep she woke up for five hours. so now you are laying in a puddle of piss because you are too afraid she will wake up if you put a diaper on. but now you learn she hates the towels you are trying to use and she wakes up anyway. so now the whole bedroom smells like urine and still no sleep

* you let her watch tv for the first time ever because it stops her night time screaming. last night and tonight. thus you can update teh "you know your child is a crappy sleeper" thread


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

*When you are reading a thread entitled ykyhacsw and thinking of things to add when your will-be-four-in-less-than-a-month year old child wakes up after having been sleeping for less than two hours and it's 2:20 am!


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

When your LO playing at your feet at 1 in the morning is an improvement because there is no crying.

P.S. It is one in the morning. right now.


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

lol
when you are online posting on a message board at 4 am, you havent slept in 3 nights for more than 3-4 hrs a night, and you have a lap full of sloppy, asleeping baby who will wake up immedietly when put down.
!
so tired!!!
sleep all you crappily sleeping babies, sleeeeeep!


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

Hey, maybe we should do an energy circle. If it works for healing, maybe it will work for sleep. That last post gave me the idea with the sleeeeeep thing Erin wrote







. So, whenever you check this thread, chant sleeeeeeep to all the babies sending their parents bonkers, and if you are religious, send it out as prayer, if you're otherwise spiritual, send it out as a spell/wish/energy and if you are athiest or otherwise not into the groove of the "oneness" and interconnectedness gig, just do it dammit - even if it's to humour us.









You're not allowed to leave this thread without doing it. Deal? Ok... ready... set... go!


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## Tinker (Mar 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Calm* 
Hey, maybe we should do an energy circle. If it works for healing, maybe it will work for sleep. That last post gave me the idea with the sleeeeeep thing Erin wrote







. So, whenever you check this thread, chant sleeeeeeep to all the babies sending their parents bonkers, and if you are religious, send it out as prayer, if you're otherwise spiritual, send it out as a spell/wish/energy and if you are athiest or otherwise not into the groove of the "oneness" and interconnectedness gig, just do it dammit - even if it's to humour us.









You're not allowed to leave this thread without doing it. Deal? Ok... ready... set... go!









Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppp ppppppppppp stinky little babies!
(and wear diapers so you don't pee all over mama.







)


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## Tinker (Mar 1, 2007)

~ When you're glad it's morning just because it means the night is over, even though you haven't slept. Yup that's how bad the nights are. *le sigh* Why am I still waking up 7 or 8 times a night with a 2yo? I swear I get less sleep than newborn parents. Heck MY dd slept better as a newborn, too bad it didn't last.







:


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## belle.h (Oct 19, 2005)

I love this thread.... I can so relate to all of them. After a sleepless night and feeling horrible, I'm able to sit here and giggle at some these, these are hilarious. I need to spend more time in this forum, I have a feeling I can relate to A LOT of you. I need help, although after 3+ years of sleep hell, I have a feeling that only time will help. Thanks mamas!


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *belle.h* 
I love this thread.... I can so relate to all of them. After a sleepless night and feeling horrible, I'm able to sit here and giggle at some these, these are hilarious. I need to spend more time in this forum, I have a feeling I can relate to A LOT of you. I need help, although after 3+ years of sleep hell, I have a feeling that only time will help. Thanks mamas!

Ha! You know you have a crappy sleeper when you come to this thread to post about your 3 year old instead of your 8 month old!

Praying, chanting... Sleeeeppppp silly sleepless babies.


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## justice'smom (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lurve* 
*
*when you hear people say their child used to sleep for 5 hours but now gets up every two hours and you think to yourself, "babies can sleep for two hours in a row?!!"









It's hard to not want to strangle those people too. They have no idea.
Thanks for making feel like I'm not alone.


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## belle.h (Oct 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
Ha! You know you have a crappy sleeper when you come to this thread to post about your 3 year old instead of your 8 month old!

Praying, chanting... Sleeeeppppp silly sleepless babies.

So true. I just don't get it, our 3 year old has us baffled.


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## Mirta (Jan 11, 2008)

Quote:

When it takes you longer to get her down for a nap than she actually naps.
I can soooo relate to this one!! today he nursed for over an hour and a half.. never did fall asleep, which means neither did I..







and I specifically took him up to nap because I had a migraine! I don't even want to consider night time sleep right now... Dreading tonight..

--you postpone going to bed, because you don't want to deal with the fight that you know that bedtime is going to be, thus making the situation worse on some nights because DS becomes overtired and thus more fussy, but even though you try to resolve that you won't do that again, you find yourself doing it over and over again, because you just do NOT want to deal with the bed time fight..

--you truly wish it were possible for your DH to nurse your DS to sleep just ONCE to give you some relief!

--you have not one, but THREE books on improving your child's sleep checked out from the library


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

When your co workers wife had a baby 2 weeks ago and today was his first day back and work and when you ask how he is doing he answer "I'm so tired. The baby is waking up every 4 hours." And you start crying because your 15 month old has never slept 4 hours. Ever









Gah that was embarrassing







At least I got to the bathroom before he saw the tears.


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## Terpsfan (Apr 14, 2008)

I so need this thread today. 12 month old no-sleeper here.

- I burst into tears when our friends with 7 month old twins said they go down at 8 and sleep till 7. Oh, when teething, they're "not too bad..wake up for 10 mins, give motrin, go back to sleep. only happens like one night". They also take 2 hour naps in the morning and night like clockwork. Really, I was crying at dinner.

- when people ask you what you want for Christmas and you say "a full night of sleep".

- when DH asks if you wanted to go on a "girls weekend" with sisters and cousins that just occurred and you say you'd rather check into a hotel by yourself and sleep. Why would I go do something that would make me sleep even less than at home?? (going out, staying up late talking, etc)


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mirta* 

--you have not one, but THREE books on improving your child's sleep checked out from the library

And not one of them has anything useful....


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Terpsfan* 
- I burst into tears when our friends with 7 month old twins said they go down at 8 and sleep till 7. Oh, when teething, they're "not too bad..wake up for 10 mins, give motrin, go back to sleep. only happens like one night". They also take 2 hour naps in the morning and night like clockwork. Really, I was crying at dinner.

- when people ask you what you want for Christmas and you say "a full night of sleep".

-









:

I burst into tears, too, when I saw not one, not two, but three babies drift off peacefully to sleep in a room full of people. (Your baby sleeps somewhere other than a darkened room with white noise while you wrestle them to be still long enough to sleep?) Then the moms put the babies down and they were STILL ASLEEP!

-when you openly lie when people ask about sleep. I say "Seriously, I don't know, I stopped counting. I know she's improving because I don't feel as badly. Or, ya she wakes once or twice sometimes but I barely notice anyway." Lies, lies, all lies.


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## sniffmommy (Mar 15, 2007)

SLEEEEEEEP babies, and toddlers, SLEEP!:yawning:


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Autumn C.* 







:

I burst into tears, too, when I saw not one, not two, but three babies drift off peacefully to sleep in a room full of people. (Your baby sleeps somewhere other than a darkened room with white noise while you wrestle them to be still long enough to sleep?) Then the moms put the babies down and they were STILL ASLEEP!

I was recently on a flight with a mom and kid who fell asleep, with no crying, after she walked him around for 2 minutes, and then slept on her lap for like an hour. DD, of course, was awake for the entire 5 hour flight. I am also amazed at people's kids asleep in strollers out and about.

It makes me want to cry.

People with kids who do sleep like the twins described make me physically ill with jealousy. The dark kind that is not healthy.


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## colleentara (Aug 12, 2008)

I _really_ needed to find this post today!!! Thank you--I was feeling so isolated and all around crappy... but reading these had me laughing out loud.









You know you have a crappy sleeper when....

* your husband's suggestion of a baby sedative begins to sound like a reasonable idea.


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## Mirta (Jan 11, 2008)

So glad that bumping this old thread helped someone besides me!









See, you really aren't alone in your misery... we're crying with you!









Sleep babies sleep!!! Sleep toddlers sleep!!!


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## lawschoolmama (Mar 12, 2008)

Right there with ya mama. I have this fantasy of leaving DS at home with DH for a whole day, going to a hotel, asking for their quietest room, checking in and sleeping ALL.DAY.LONG.

I miss my old friend, Sleep. Maybe one day in the future we shall meet again.[/QUOTE]

This. Totally this. My constant dream.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

As a mom of a crappily sleeping 3-year old, I love this thread. Thank you for making me not feel totally alone.

You know you have a crappy sleeper when

*You have chucked The No Cry Sleep Solution across the room and vow to do the same should you ever meet Elizabeth Pantley in person

*You get migraine headaches from the sleep deprivation

*You burst into tears whenver your hubby closes his eyes to rest for a few minutes on his weekends off

*You are actually surprised when you write coherently

*You not only can't remember the meanings of words like "ephemeral" and "esoteric" but you can't even recall how to spell them (had to look these up), and then once you look them up in the dictionary you can't remember what you read 10 minutes later

*You refuse to discuss sleep with any other mother on this planet unless it's in a thread about other crappy sleepers


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Oh I am so so so so so here.
I have a friend who had a 3.5 year old who slept from ~8pm-7am. Ugh. UGH. UGH!

My kids? Eh. I'd say we get maybe 3-4 nights a month of solid sleep. (Waking a few times to nurse, of course, but that doesn't count.)

My BIL said to DP the other day at dinner, "Don't you think it might be easier to just - you know, put them on a schedule or something?"














laughup






















Oh, yeah, thanks childless BIL, we never thought of that.

You know you have a crappy sleeper when...

-You end up on a nocturnal sleeping schedule every once in a while, and it doesn't bother you all that much, as long as you get *sleep*.


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

*When you've cancelled countless appointments because of how your previous night went.


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## kalamos23 (Apr 11, 2008)

*When you seriously want to strangle DH for saying he "is so tired" not forgetting the fact that every 15-30 minutes, while your baby woke up, he was SNORING!

*When the thought of peeing your pants sounds like a logical decision rather than chancing taking the sleeping baby out of the wrap and going to the bathroom.

*when you wonder if maybe going formula fed, CIO would have gotten you more sleep.

*when the thought of NEVER having another 8 hours (heck, I'd settle for 2 hours straight) of sleep for years makes you teary.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kalamos23* 
*When you seriously want to strangle DH for saying he "is so tired" not forgetting the fact that every 15-30 minutes, while your baby woke up, he was SNORING!

*When the thought of peeing your pants sounds like a logical decision rather than chancing taking the sleeping baby out of the wrap and going to the bathroom.

*when you wonder if maybe going formula fed, CIO would have gotten you more sleep.

*when the thought of NEVER having another 8 hours (heck, I'd settle for 2 hours straight) of sleep for years makes you teary.

Yeah to this, and all of every single previous post!

-When DH complains he's so tired cause he 'didnt get much sleep' cause he CHOSE to be online till the wee hours. Then when he came to bed he jostled it, woke up the baby (balanced precariously into the crook of my arm, FINALLY asleep) and I'm FUMING and thinking of VERY inappropriate uses for his pillow...grrrrr!

I have more. But I've been up for HOURS and I'm exhausted.
zzzzzzzzzzz.........
Bellevuemama


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LuxPerpetua* 

You know you have a crappy sleeper when

*You have chucked The No Cry Sleep Solution across the room and vow to do the same should you ever meet Elizabeth Pantley in person

*You refuse to discuss sleep with any other mother on this planet unless it's in a thread about other crappy sleepers

Both of these, but add throwing anyone who recommends the NCSS to you as well. Frankly, anyone with any sleep advise. My personal favorite - "have you tried nursing to sleep?" Yes, that fixes night wakings, thank you.


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## petram (Oct 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
When it takes you loger to get her down for a nap than she actually naps.

oh, that is me! an hour and a half to achieve a 30 minute nap!!


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## petram (Oct 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
Oh yeah - I've even asked the ped for a referral to a sleep clinic or specialist.

I forgot one:
*When lack of sleep changes your baby making plans from 2 to just this one.

that's me too. both asking the pediatrician, and only wanting one child now that we've seen how this one sleeps


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## petram (Oct 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tinker* 
~ When you're glad it's morning just because it means the night is over, even though you haven't slept. Yup that's how bad the nights are. *le sigh* Why am I still waking up 7 or 8 times a night with a 2yo? I swear I get less sleep than newborn parents. Heck MY dd slept better as a newborn, too bad it didn't last.







:

hilarious! i'm so the same. i'm cracking up reading these posts, summing up my life! and now he's finally asleep and i've got the insomnia.......


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## kalamos23 (Apr 11, 2008)

I got a new one...

*when you don't have to worry about birth control because you never have sex... because the baby never sleeps!


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## petram (Oct 3, 2008)

* when you lie rigid with fear because you suddenly remember you forgot to take the phone of the hook and your little one is finally asleep (you know what will happen if you move to take it off now.........)

*when your secret secret, but only hope is that, without hurting himself, your baby accidentally falls off the family bed and hits his head, knocking that sleep mechanism back into place. I am the most evil mama right?


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kalamos23* 
*When the thought of peeing your pants sounds like a logical decision rather than chancing taking the sleeping baby out of the wrap and going to the bathroom.

this is so me except change out wrap with bed! i have gone so far as to eye the female urinals on amazon http://www.amazon.com/Each-Feminal-F...689094&sr=8-18

and yes, i am writing this at 5:30 in the morning and yes, DD has been up for two hours already. and yes, i started this thread and things haven't gotten any better. well, except now i know i am in good company.
now, sleep little babies, sleep!


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## editornj (Jan 4, 2008)

OK, I know these should sort of be funny, but it is so, so sad.

You know you have a crappy sleeper when

*you get really good at holding your breath a long time, because you unconsciously do this when your LO looks like he will finally close his eyes.

*you look like you've been beaten up. But it's only because your LO kicks and claws at you when in a wrap or being held in a dim room (with soft music playing or you singing sweetly)

*when you consider CIO every nap- and bedtime. But you know you'd never try it.

*you've never been able to move your sleeping baby. (Even during the newborn months when everyone says is the time to sleep train.) And you'd never try because you worked too hard to blow it with a luxury like having the baby sleep independently.

And, the one that really makes me feel alone...

*when you discuss sleep with other parents, they cock their heads to one side as they're thinking of suggestions (that you know won't work because you've tried them a million times) and you just KNOW they think it's your fault.


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## editornj (Jan 4, 2008)

oh wait, one more.

you know you have a crappy sleeper when

*the term "put baby down" for a nap or to bed is a sick, sick joke


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *editornj* 
oh wait, one more.

you know you have a crappy sleeper when

*the term "put baby down" for a nap or to bed is a sick, sick joke











As I sit here w/snoozing bb in arms, typing away at MDC and cursing the phone that got left on down the hallway...cause only NOW does it begin to ring. And ring. And ring. So I'm 'whisper yelling' for DD to come here so I can explain to her that I REALLY need her to go turn the phone off, but she doesn't completely get what I'm saying cause it's ringing.

ARGH!!!!!!

Must. Not. Wake. Sleeping. Baby!
Bellevuemama


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## georgiegirl1974 (Sep 20, 2006)

when your almost 3-year old wakes 4 times btw 12:30 and 6:30 even though you haven't nursed her at night for two weeks (when oh when will she "get" nightweaning)

when you think having a "typical" newborn would be easier than you almost 3-year old sleeper


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Oh man - if she's not sleeping by 3 years I'm definitely not having another one...

YKYHACSW...

you pee every 20 minutes from whenever she goes to bed until you go to bed. Once I go to bed (when she wakes up next time) that's it for the night so I try to make sure my bladder is completely empty whenever that is!


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

oay, i am just bumping up my own thread because well, i still have a crappy sleeper and it's been four months since this thread got started and 26 months since i have had sleep! this week she has been waking up every night and staying awake from about one to four am.
they say that sleep regression occurs* right before a big developmental milestone. well watch out world, my DD is going to be the best brain surgeon/rocket scientist/peace maker that you ever saw!!

*of course for "sleep regression" one has to sleep first.....ooops.


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## Terpsfan (Apr 14, 2008)

Oh my favorite thread!!! Love you guys! My latest...

- when you are filling out the "about my toddler" sheet at daycare and the line for Special Napping instructions you say "You tell me! She sleeps longer at daycare than she does at home!". Seriously, DD sleeps for 2 hours straight on a little cot surrounded by 8 other toddlers. On the weekends, I am lucky to get 30 mins and that is with her in arms. Screaming banshee if I try to put her in her crib for naps. I just don't understand.

I am convinced also that we have a rocket scientist here as we are going on a 16 month sleep regression. She's going to start speaking 7 languages or something...


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## Lusa's Mom (Sep 8, 2008)

All of the moms I know in real life have perfect children who sleep through the night w/o being attached to the boob.

You know they are lying right?!
That is the best advice my expert mom friend told me. All those people with perfect children are lying.

BTW I heard if you don't get enough REM sleep you go crazy. What's the time frame on that? 2-3 years?


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## Lusa's Mom (Sep 8, 2008)

*When the thought of peeing your pants sounds like a logical decision rather than chancing taking the sleeping baby out of the wrap and going to the bathroom.

the thought above made me realize...

*When you only wear pants with elastic/ties so you can just pull them down one handed rather than disturb the sleeping baby in the wrap.


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## Loralz (Feb 20, 2009)

lurve said:


> oay, i am just bumping up my own thread because well, i still have a crappy sleeper and it's been four months since this thread got started and 26 months since i have had sleep! this week she has been waking up every night and staying awake from about one to four am.
> they say that sleep regression occurs* right before a big developmental milestone. well watch out world, my DD is going to be the best brain surgeon/rocket scientist/peace maker that you ever saw!!
> 
> Oh man! This is so what I've been saying this week, as Iz takes naps, but wakes up every. hour. at. night. Ack! She's going to be curing cancer in the next couple of months at this rate.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

This thread is hilarious!









But here's my contribution...

You know you have a crappy sleeper when - you call the neighbour you don't know very well to come and take the baby because you are out of support resources and you're afraid you're going to hurt her.

True story.







Good way to bond with your community, that's for sure.

The woman next door to me has three LOs and we'd said hi and small talk over the fence.

Bet she was surprised to see me one night at three am, babe in arms, asking her to please help me because I had no one and I couldn't take anymore crying.


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## RubySlippers (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mirta* 
--you have not one, but THREE books on improving your child's sleep checked out from the library

...and you're too tired to actually read them.

I so relate to this thread - my almost 3 yr old has been doing really well this week (my hopes are getting up that there is light at the end of the tunnel), but wow, I've felt most of the things here, and not really had any one irl who's experienced the same.


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

you take to threatening your dh/dp if he/she farts in the night and wakes the baby you *will* inflict bodily harm
its the old 'if I can't fart, you can't fart" rule in our house


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

oh~ and she wakes herself when she farts... it's a lose -lose







:


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

mamas









sleep, little ones, sleep


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## Cartesia (Mar 26, 2008)

* when you must stay in constant motion like a shark

* when you weigh 15 pounds less than your pre-pregnancy weight b/c of the constant motion

* when you give "die now" dirty looks to people in the park who do audible things like talk or laugh when you obviously have a BABY in a wrap

* when your DP buys you a massage & you say "no you take it, I'd rather sleep"

* when you can't go to mama's groups or even LLL meetings b/c other babies might be sleeping there and that is just too upsetting

* when you have to carry a gym ball for bouncing naps if you want to go over to a friends house with your LO

....and....forget peeing.....

* when you consider pooping in the desk trashcan, close enough to the bouncy ball that the LO might sleep through it....


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## HoneybeeWaterfall (Dec 12, 2008)

(I love you people.)

*When you await those last four teeth like the second coming because you hold out a tiny flame of hope that will signal a great sea change is coming.

*When at work talking about adult topics you regularly forget how you started a sentence before you end it. Short sentences.

I saw a co-worker from a different building today and commented that my 19 mo DS is still not sleeping. She said, "Really? Well how do you cope? My DS [16 mo] sleeps 11-12 hours every night. I get up and do my thing in the morning and when I go in his room he is playing quietly." She could be lying but her son just joined the toddler room at my daycare and he is mellow.

How do I cope????????????? How do I cope??? (Breaking off to hysterical laughter.)


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## AngeliqueW (Jan 28, 2009)

...when you wonder if nipples can get worn off while LO nurses all night.
...when you have them nap on your lap in front of the computer while you surf the net so you can feel like you got to do something for yourself.
...when DH (who snores through all baby wakings) says, "I'm so tired." and you have to take a deep breath and count to ten.
...when your MIL asks how baby is sleeping and you sigh and change the subject.
...when friend complains that her baby woke up twice during the night and you choke and shoot herbal tea out of your nose.
Thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only one.


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

AngeliqueW;13579641...when DH (who snores through all baby wakings) says said:


> or he says "I *need* to sleep~ I have to work tomorrow..."
> OMG! like being responsible for 3 lives other than my own isn't 'work'?!?


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## Bkwyrm (Apr 18, 2005)

...when you look forward to going to the dentist's office, because you can sleep in the chair.


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## justice'smom (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bkwyrm* 
...when you look forward to going to the dentist's office, because you can sleep in the chair.


That is so true!


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HoneybeeWaterfall* 

*When you await those last four teeth like the second coming because you hold out a tiny flame of hope that will signal a great sea change is coming.

This is SOOO me right now. she is getting her last molar in and i am about to cry for fear that it won't stop her sleeping troubles. last night she went to sleep at 1am and woke up at 7 am and was up EVERY 30 minutes. Dear lord, she's 27 months old. i must go get caffeine now.

sleep babies, sleep


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## Spirit_of_Fire (Oct 14, 2005)

...when red puffy eyes with dark circles under the lids looks normal....and you're starting to think it's looks nice....


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## Terpsfan (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cartesia* 
* when you must stay in constant motion like a shark

*
* when you have to carry a gym ball for bouncing naps if you want to go over to a friends house with your LO

.

My DD was born exactly 1 year before yours! I lived on my exercise ball for the first 6 months. Constant bouncing. I had the strongest core in all the land! She's 16.5 months now and the yoga ball still does the trick when she's waaayy overtired. I would seek out exercise balls everywhere I went to get her to nap! We took our ball on vacation with us! Thankfully it's pretty portable


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## Terpsfan (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justice'smom* 
That is so true!

I totally fell asleep sitting up in the stylist chair last week while getting my hair highlighted. I am so used to falling asleep upright in a chair with no head support that I can do it anywhere. I guess that's a bright shining spot in this madness.


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## rlynn08 (Jun 22, 2008)

have to add

when your child wakes you at 4am by whacking you in the head with her soggy, wet diaper that she's pulled off of herself and you actually think to yourself...

she's not crying, she's entertained, maybe i should just go back to sleep.

NOTE: Aria is 13 months and has ALWAYS been a cruddy sleeper. Developmental milestones...yeah...right. I've been getting by for the last 13 months on roughly 3-5 hours of sleep...all broken up of course. And thats only if we don't count the lack of sleep during pregnancy.

*sigh* But I love my little boogie.


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## Cartesia (Mar 26, 2008)

Oh I have another one....

*when you only ever eat dinner in bed
*when you never know what part of your dinner you are eating because it is in the dark
*when you eat said dinner with a wooden spoon so there is no clinking
*when you eat only soft food so there is no crunching


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rlynn08* 
have to add

when your child wakes you at 4am by whacking you in the head with her soggy, wet diaper that she's pulled off of herself and you actually think to yourself...

she's not crying, she's entertained, maybe i should just go back to sleep.

.

laughup

BTW, LOVE you LO name!!! I wanted to name mine Aria but dh and his conservative name ideas vetoed my "beautiful melody" <sigh>


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