# Others saying "no" to my baby



## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

Just wondering how you all would respond in this situation. My mother, father sister, grandparents, etc. are all constantly telling my 11 mo. ds "no" when he touches something they think he shouldn't or goes somewhere he shouldn't, etc. For example, at my mother's, he was about to touch her non-breakable chess set. She proceeded to tell him "no" about 15-20 times. To me this seems ridiculous. I just said, "Oh, he doesn't know that word," for lack of something better to say. My sister has actually told her children (aged 3&5) to tell my ds "no, no, no." I'm pretty sure they think my ds "needs" to learn what "no" means. I really would rather not have everyone saying "no" to him all the time. I figure I wouldn't like it, so he probably doesn't either. How do I get this point across to people so they don't think I'm nuts for not saying "no" to him?


----------



## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

If you are in thier home they have a right to decide what does and doesn't get touched. If you do not want your son being told no it is your job to respond by redirecting him, keeping a close eye on him or perhaps just limiting his time there.

they obviously aren't respectful of a no "no" lifestyle but in thier homes that is thier business.


----------



## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

How about some pro-active stuff? Like, when you arrive, you could look around and ask if anything is too fragile or breakable for your son to touch, and either move those things up high or take note, if they're not moveable... and then if they say "no" to something you can say, "Oh, that's okay for him, we moved the fragile stuff" or if it is something fragile, you step in and say something, like. "OH, that's *fragile*. Here, let's play with this instead." and redirect your son yourself. I like the word fragile, we used it a lot when Rain was little. And that way you'll be modeling something besides "no" for your family - maybe they'll catch on!

Dar


----------



## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dar*
and then if they say "no" to something you can say, "Oh, that's okay for him, we moved the fragile stuff" or if it is something fragile, you step in and say something, like. "OH, that's *fragile*. Here, let's play with this instead." and redirect your son yourself. I like the word fragile, we used it a lot when Rain was little. And that way you'll be modeling something besides "no" for your family - maybe they'll catch on!

Dar

Modeling is great, but they have a right to decide what gets touched even if its not "fragile."


----------



## Proudmomoftwinsplusone (Feb 21, 2004)

When mine were that age, i told my mom and mil that I was saving "no" for only a few situations so they wouldn't hear no all the time. I think after that they stopped with the nos.


----------



## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maya44*
Modeling is great, but they have a right to decide what gets touched even if its not "fragile."

Tht's why I suggested starting out by having them identify objects they don't want touched.

And really, if this no-touching thing is becoming a power-play rather than a serious concern about the safety of certain items, I would address that with them, too. They have an obligation to be good hosts, too.

dar


----------



## peaceful herbivore (Mar 17, 2005)

I suspect I will have this issue with my Mom and people from her school of thought.

I don't expect people to rearrange their whole lives or houses, but if you know that the big shiny sparkley glass bright colored candle doodad in the middle of your coffee table is going to attract some major baby attention, what is the big deal to put it up on a shelf for the couple hours we are there?

My mom is kind of from the school of "that isn't the point. A baby should KNOW that no means no and that when you say don't touch, not to touch"..to me that school of thought is SO beyond control freak and it is really bothersome. I told my mom then she will be doing most of the visiting at my home I guess because I will not have my child hurt/upset/frustrated/told no repeatedly just so you can have some power, control trip...it is weird imo...

Again, I don't expect my mom to like, baby proof her whole house with fences, gates, put every single thing away type thing, but within reason...what is the big deal?


----------



## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

is the issue that they're restricting what he's allowed to touch or that they're using the word "no" to do that? i think those are two very different things. i agree that it is their right to determine what is ok for him to touch/play with but i do NOT think that it is their right to determine HOW he should be told what is ok/not ok.

i think that YOU have the right to say to them that you respect their boundaries but that you'd prefer to handle it the way that you handle it, because consistency is the ticket. explain to them that the word "no" is not reinforced in your own home so it won't make as much of an impact as the strategies that you DO use in your home (redirection, etc).

no matter whose home i'm in, i'm the one "in charge" (for lack of a better term) of my son, imo....and i get to say how he's treated.


----------



## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

i also wanted to add that i also agree that it's not unreasonable to expect that they move some fragile stuff to the top shelf or whatever. if they're not willing to, it's indicative of some bigger power issues imo and i wouldn't be spending as much time over there if it were me.


----------



## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

How annoying! How about something along the line of "If you're not comfortable with my son exploring the non fragile things at your house, perhaps we should have future visits at mine. At this age, it's very important for children to investigate as many different things with as many different senses as possible. I want my son to grow up to be smart and inquisitive, not dull and placid."


----------



## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

I should have been a little more clear in my original post. I am always very respectful of others' property and would never allow ds to damage anything belonging to others or even touch something deemed off-limits by them, breakable or not. When ds wants to touch the chess set, my mother thinks he needs to "learn" not to touch it because sometimes we play, and at those times it wouldn't be good for him to be grabbing the pieces. A better example: on more than one occasion, my sister has been holding ds and he has tried to grab her necklace. Rather than put him down or tuck her necklace in, she will tell him "no" about 10 times in a row while moving his hand away repeatedly. She thinks (like everyone, it seems) that this is something he needs to learn.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peaceful herbivore*
My mom is kind of from the school of "that isn't the point. A baby should KNOW that no means no and that when you say don't touch, not to touch"

This pretty much sums up my problem...they're not telling him no because he's doing something dangerous to himself or others or the property of others. They think he needs to "learn" what the word means.


----------



## peaceful herbivore (Mar 17, 2005)

I know what you mean exactly, and in my humble opinion, I think that is SO control freaky...just speaking of my family/people I know who think that way. I am left wondering, why is it SO important to you that my child knows "who's boss"?

Weird.


----------



## Dal (Feb 26, 2005)

Ug. How annoying. Perhaps you could tell them that you are reserving no for serious safety issues and that repeated use of no nononononononooooonononononnoooooooooooooo nonono noooooooo non ononono teaches the child to tune it out. You could also add that it's a very negative thing for your son to hear and that you are trying to use positive phrases instead -- e.g., "stay away from the glass; it isn't safe" (or whatever it is that you are doing).

Good luck.


----------



## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

I can totally envision that "no, no, no, ..." in a patient voice. You're going to have to just tell them you don't want to teach him that word yet, especially in these contexts. Tell them you want to save that word for more hazardous things, like a hot stove. Let them think you are crazy. If this keeps up, your ds will be chanting "no, no, no" as he does things, in a couple more months.


----------



## peaceful herbivore (Mar 17, 2005)

Yes, I have always found the complaints from parents "my child says no to EVERYTHING!!!" a bit humorous. How else would you expect a child to react when they hear that word all day long, for everything, all the time...particularly since it rolls off a tiny tongue so easily!


----------



## lorelei (Dec 31, 2004)

I have had similar issues with my MIL and GMIL.
They have all manner of little knick knacks all over, and won't put stuff up when we'd bring our daughter over.

I am a very attentive parent, and keep a close watch on her to make sure she is safe, so it's not like she was unsupervised and running rampant all over the place.

There were times when there was honestly no where in the house I could put her down with out her being within arms reach of some breakable piece of junk.

I spoke with them on several occasions about how stressful it is for us to visit when DD can't be let down to play and explore, and she is constantly being told "no!"

My ILs are very closed-minded people, their way or the highway sort of mentality. They think that the way they 'raised' their children is the best in the world, and look at me like I'm nuts when I try to explain how we're raising our daughters. I really have the feeling that they'd do whatever they wish if I weren't around.

It's really frustrating! Luckily, we moved across the state so DH could go back to school (full scholarship for 4.0) so at least we can minimize our exposure to their ignorance!


----------



## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

I am so glad to read this post, because I had a similar situation happen to me recently and I kept wondering if I was somehow being "posessive" of my DD or something by feeling angry about it. My MIL and 2 little SILs (18 and 14) came to my house for spring break, since we live by Padre Island. The 18-year-old brought a friend with her and they didn't come to visit us, truth be told. We were just free lodging for their spring vacation. My husband is away on deployment, so I've hand to deal with them alone since he left, which makes it doubly hard and makes me doubt myself even more, because I don't have him here as a buffer or mediator, kwim? So anyway, the girls got Monopoly out to play and put it right on the coffee table in my living room. Of course DD (10 months) kept trying to touch the pieces! They were right at her eye level where she could stand and grab them! DUH! And the 18-year-old kept saying, "No, no, Carmen. No, no, no," all in this little patronizing voice, as if pretending to be patient about it made it any better. I wanted to tell her, "Don't tell my child 'no'! She doesn't know what it means because we don't say that. Furthermore, you don't put something right where she can reach it, then tell her not to touch it!" I was SO, SO, SO mad, but I didn't say anything. If DH would have been here, I would have, but he wasn't here and I didn't want to piss them off, so I just bit my tongue and tried to distract her. I've spent the last week wondering if I overreacted, but I feel much more confident now that I did NOT overreact. If something like that happens again, I will stand up for my daughter, after seeing that it IS okay to feel this way. Thank you!


----------



## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Richelle*
the girls got Monopoly out to play and put it right on the coffee table in my living room. Of course DD (10 months) kept trying to touch the pieces! They were right at her eye level where she could stand and grab them! DUH! And the 18-year-old kept saying, "No, no, Carmen. No, no, no," all in this little patronizing voice

I would have told them that they need to play at the dining room or kitchen table if they didn't want dd to "play" too.

What I hated was when I corrected my ds's behavior and then my MIL admonished him for the same thing immediately after. HELLO, I've got it covered! My own home, too! Fortunately, she didn't visit often so it didn't happen again.


----------



## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

4evermom, I considered telling them that, but thay had just rented a movie and wanted to watch it while playing the game. If they had gone to the kitchen table they wouldn't have been able to see the movie. I felt kind of stuck because I didn't want to "ruin" their fun, kwim? And there's no way they would ever understand what I was trying to say. The way they grew up, MIL let my DH parent the two little sisters half the time and now MIL goes so far as to SPANK DH's two nieces when they visit her. They're clueless about any type of nonviolent, noncontrolling discipline.


----------



## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

I fail to see how being pregnant (and not yet having a child) makes your opinions and suggestions any less valid than those of anyone else (who has a child.) As far as I am concerned, I value the opinions, suggestions and comments of everyone and welcome them as I am always willing to consider something new. I don't always agree with everything someone else says, but I usually don't comment if that is the case. If I do feel the need to comment, I try to do so in a respectful way, by offering my own viewpoint and possibly reasons for my disagreement.

I, for one, tend to agree with peaceful herbivore that children who hear "no" all day, every day, tend to say "no" alot. This does not mean that children who say "no" hear "no" alot. Two different statements. I value everyone's input, so if you disagree with someone, please either respond with your own reasons and opinions or don't respond at all.


----------



## peaceful herbivore (Mar 17, 2005)

Thank you Abac, I do appreciate your comments!


----------



## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abac*
I fail to see how being pregnant (and not yet having a child) makes your opinions and suggestions any less valid than those of anyone else (who has a child.)

Where did anyone say that? All I saw was someone wondering if her opinion would change once the child was out of the womb. Really, did I miss something?


----------



## tricia80 (Oct 28, 2003)

ok jus because u say no alot to a child does not mean they will repeat it continuously.. it has alot to do with brain and how a child develops.. no is one of the easiest words to say...


----------



## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tricia80*
ok jus because u say no alot to a child does not mean they will repeat it continuously.. it has alot to do with brain and how a child develops.. no is one of the easiest words to say...

As you said, "no" is one of the easiest words to say...therefore, if a child hears it repeatedly, day in and day out, they MIGHT tend to say it alot. I realize that children are individuals; I was generalizing. I understand that this will not apply to all children. Regardless, the point of my original post is that I do not want others saying "no" to my ds repeatedly and I was looking for suggestions as to how I might deal with this. Unfortunately, the thread seems to have taken a slightly different turn...


----------



## tricia80 (Oct 28, 2003)

oh ok...

hmmm how to have ppl stop sayin no to ur ds..

did ya talk to them... maybe offer suggestions that can make it easier.. jus like its an easy word for children its one for adults.. did u tell them about redirection etc..

im kinda new to this forum.. :LOL


----------



## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

Yes I'm sorry about the derailing abac.

I have found the same thing. My roommate says "no" and uses harsh tones with my dd and I dont like it. I dont have a perfect solution in my own life, I'm afraid. What I do currently is always moderate their interactions (my roomie actually loves my dd and they have a lot of positives in their relationship). If the "no" is once and doesn't scare dd, I just let it go. She is learning that ppl interact with her differently, and I tell myself that it is good for her to see female gender modelled differently (my roomie is butch, and generally roughhouses a lot and is more gruff in all her interactions with her, which dd loves). If the no is too harsh, I intervene and repeat the constant lecture about how that is not an appropriate way to interact with the baby. When this happens I figure at least dd is learning that mama can protect her. I don't know what else to do.


----------



## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tricia80*
oh ok...

hmmm how to have ppl stop sayin no to ur ds..

did ya talk to them... maybe offer suggestions that can make it easier.. jus like its an easy word for children its one for adults.. did u tell them about redirection etc..

im kinda new to this forum.. :LOL









Tricia, that is downright pathetic. Love you girl.


----------



## tricia80 (Oct 28, 2003)

very pathetic.. but i dont know..

nothin u can do can really control someone elses actions..

no matter how much i tell my mom not to do something.. they still do it.. u cant prevent it from happening unless u cut them out totally.. so there is a point where u talk.. and if it dont work then u jus dont allow ur dc...

no real suggestions to a situation like this..


----------



## tricia80 (Oct 28, 2003)

at least my post was on topic..


----------



## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

:LOL Yeah I hear you tricia. With more formalized grammar I basically said the same thing. Don't know what else to do. I struggle with it too.


----------



## sistermama (May 6, 2003)

I don't remember where I first read about it, but when ds was about a year old I started teaching him the "one finger touch." Basically he was allowed to touch anything as long as he only used one finger - I would model it for him, and then he would also do it. This helped us out a lot, because usually he didn't really want to get something down and play with it, he just wanted to know that he _could_ touch it if he wanted to. This also helped around grandmas' houses and helped banish the notion that I was raising a wild heathen.


----------



## ryssann (Jun 25, 2004)

When my husband started telling DD no, I reminded him that the way we speak to her, is the way she will speak to us. I gave him alternatiives to no. I told him I prefer to save no for danger situations.

You might be able to tell your mother, that you are trying to avoid hearing no every other word and you prefer to come up with other ways to get the message across.

It worked with my husband.


----------



## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelemiller*
i wouldn't be spending as much time over there if it were me.

I think it is important for children to develop a strong relationship with their grandparents and extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins), irrespective of the kind of interaction they have with them.
My grandmom was a disciplinarian, and a real control freak. She never spanked, neither her children nor her grandchildren, but ... kwim? .... Yet the memories I have of her are really nice. I remember her orderly clean silent house, while ours was a holy mess, as a safe haven (we are 4 brothers and sisters) ...
You do not know what it is that makes or will make this relationship an important one for your dc. You also do not know how long these people will be with us. It is so important to make the most of the years when they are healthy and still strong!
In my view, it is us who parent our children, and we can try and explain our parenting philosophy to others, but if the children are exposed to a different kind of interaction, it will not hurt them (unless spanking is involved). It may take them some time when you are back home to readjust to their environment, but it is all worth it, IMO.


----------



## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:

but if the children are exposed to a different kind of interaction, it will not hurt them (unless spanking is involved).
Well, first I want to weigh in that spanking is not the only form of damaging interaction a child can have with family members. Read Alice ****** if you have any questions on the issue.

My way of handling my control freak Granny is to remove DS without warning when she gets inappropriate. If it's really offensive I tell her we don't treat him like that. It's more for his benefit than hers. He stays safe and gets the message he doesn't have to take that treatment, and she's rather see him than have her time with him interrupted. So over time I have to do that less. But there's no point "discussing" or asking her to change. She'd just feel MORE controlling b/c I dared dissent from her superior ways.

Quote:

This does not mean that children who say "no" hear "no" alot.
On this sub-topic, I thought I share my DS's silly thing he's up to now... A few months ago, he came up with the idea to use his "all-done" sign for "no" when he doesn't want something, like getting dressed always gets an "all-done". He added saying "nananana" b/c I responded "No no, Max doesn't want that!" So eventually b/c he understood it already, we started using his "nananana" sign and word for really dangerous things, like outlets and the stove... So he goes over to the dangerous things and says "nananana" while he tries to touch it. So we arrived there in a very strange way!


----------



## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aira*
Well, first I want to weigh in that spanking is not the only form of damaging interaction a child can have with family members.

I totally agree with this of course, otherwise I would not be on this board. What I am trying to say is, one has to weigh the pros and cons of dc spending time with their extended family. Clearly, if spanking is involved, the idea of just spending less time with them becomes a very good option. Otherwise, I am saying one should try to find other ways to cope, respectfully protecting the dc but still letting them benefit from the interaction with their extended family, who in many ways may be very important in their lives. I am not suggesting that I would just let them trample all over my dc. I think for instance what you do with your Granny is just fine, because over time your child will spend more and more time with her. This is very different from the approach in the other post I was quoting, which, IMO, a would lead to just less and less time with the extended family.


----------



## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

I certainly agree that it's best to preserve relationships if the child can be protected from demeaning treatment! My "other" grandmother was one of the fondest aspects of my childhood. My aunt hated her and would not let her children see her. But I know first hand that it was NOT abuse from Grandmother - only Auntie's resentment at childhood poverty.

OTOH, the side of the family I mentioned in the first post was mostly WACK! I wish that SOMEONE had stood up for me when they were humiliating me "for my own good". I will never allow DS to experience that hoplessness. But I have found a way to handle it that is working, and I too value the good interactions they have.

Another side of this worth throwing into the mix is DH's experience. He grew up resenting his paternal GM for not being invovled in his life. One day he learned that his mom had kept her away, b/c she really was just that evil. Really. He never disputed that, but when he learned that his mom was protecting him from her back then he really made peace with it all.


----------



## my2girlsmama (Oct 21, 2004)

I get this too with both my children. I disagree that you should be redireting constantly and let your parents say as they wish just because you're in their home. Why visit then?

What I do is simply tell my folks that NO is a useless word..and while we all say it at time in a reactionary way, it serves no purpose. I am learning how to try and discipline without it and it isn't easy so I can't imagine how our parents' are at it. I tell them to redirect as I do, to clear the house and carpets etc of dangerous things etc. Babies are only small for a short while so what harm will it be to clear the house of bad stuff? If they don't like it remind them you don't have to visit, they can come to your home.









I also just teach by way of showing them as I do. I redirect and say *not for .....* and so on. It is tiring so I see how they wouldn't want to try it much but they are starting to. My dad is a rough and tumble trucker so we have so many issues with him and rough housing, swearing etc that I just pick and choose what issues are most prevalent and that I cannot live with.


----------



## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

My personal response is to model, model, model. Well-meaning grown-ups don't like being told no any more than babies do. If someone says no, don't touch my baby, I might say "Can she touch the baby's foot? Gentle touches on baby's foot..." and demonstrate. Things like that.

I think know is a visceral primitive kid thing (much as hitting). Even if you never hit, some day your child will hit. Even if you never say no, your child will say no.


----------



## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

I don't think this situation need be as complicated as it appears. The one very simple solution to this is: SHADOW YOUR CHILD.

If you are following your child around the house while you are there, you will be the first one when DC approaches an object deemed "untouchable". You will be the one to respond with "gentle touches" or "this is not for touching, but we can touch _this_". I would also take the initiative to move breakables and other potentially damaged items out of reach before baby gets to them. This will accomplish several things:

1. you don't have to worry about your child breaking anything.
2. you are modelling the kind of discipline/parenting you wish to practice. you'd be amazed that even your family is open to some discipline, lol...my mother started using techniques that we use simply by seeing us using them all the time.
3. you prevent anyone else from inundating your child with "no"'s (because you will always have dealt with it before anyone else gets a chance to step in).

It's true that this means you won't have much chance to visit, chat or sit down with the others. But not only will that also be modelling for your family, but personally we limit the visits with non-baby-proofing family for that reason. And anyone is welcome to drop by our place any time, so it's unfair to suggest that you're removing them from getting to know their family (if that was the suggestion) by restricting your visits to said family - if they have an open invitation to be at your place then the onus is on them.

and as for the issue of whether saying "no" alot leads to kids who say "no" alot - to me that is not the issue. it's about fostering creativity and not stifling the natural desire children have to learn, touch, taste, feel, and explore their environment. an environment filled with "no" is just going to shut that all down. and how very sad for the child. it's just a big ol' negativity festival in some households, and we don't need that.


----------



## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

ITA Piglet- my step-mom and dad like to decorate with things like antique lighters and little trays full of buttons. Not only do they not put them up, but they get annoyed if you ask. We only go there a couple times a year, but when we do, I stick tight.


----------



## Stone Fence (Mar 10, 2004)

I don't have a child yet (one on the way), but, I really pay attention to the way other people parent. I've seen some good stuff.

One friend (who I only see in a group of 5-10) will put her DD down on the floor with toys. It's OK for DD to move around, but if she's paying untoward attention to something she'll hear "that's not for (Insert name here)". I like it. It's not "no", and I think it probably has had some positive reinforcement at home (redirection or something else). This way the baby can explore but be safe(mom is pretty attentive).

Words and how we use them are so important.


----------



## Messac888 (Jan 24, 2005)

I say no to my son.







: I don't feel there's anything wrong with it as long as it's not all the time, and it's not in a bad way. Example- I see my son climbing up the side of the playpen where his infant sister is getting tummy time (put there for the purpose of not getting trampled on by her brother). I'll say, "No no honey, we can't climb in there because it could hurt Talia. Do you want to play with her?" He'll usually either say he wants to play with her, or else he wants to hold her, so I have him sit so he can hold her (supervised, of course) or I get a rattle and they play. Sometimes he just wants to give her kisses.

Other times, such as when he's trying to plug in the TV, which is currently napping while facing the corner, I'll say 'no' much more authoritatively and then explain that it could hurt him. He's very good about not touching the stove when I'm cooking (careful honey, it's hot) or the knives (no honey, they're very sharp). He is a very respectful and considerate little boy and I don't feel that telling him no has harmed him in any way.

I have a friend whose son is not allowed to touch much of anything at home and gets yelled at constantly. Yet when they're in public she won't tell him no, she lets him do whatever he wants and get whatever he asks for. I feel that it is more confusing to a child to have the rules constantly changing than it is detrimental to say no once in a while.

Without no, there aren't always clear boundaries. I do believe we should tell our kids yes as often as is possible and is safe, even if it means doing something we don't necessarily want to do (such as cleaning up fingerpaints off the kitchen table). No has a place and a purpose. If you use no but don't explain why you're saying no, that's when the problems begin. My son doesn't tell us no unless we ask him a yes/no question, or if we ask him if he would like to bathe now or after his nap.







He doesn't like baths so he'll just answer us, "No, no bath."

Everyone parents differently and what may works for one family may not work for the next. I do agree that the parents or inlaws have a right to say what can and cannot be touched in the home, but if it's impossible for the child/ren to be there without getting into trouble often, maybe it's time for the family to come over to your place instead. My mom collects lots of breakable junk and it's very hard for my son to keep his hands off of it all. We don't take him over there very often as a result of her unwillingness to put some of it into safer locations. As a result, she sees him less.

Anyway, I have tried to explain my stance on this topic without offendeing anyone so, if I've offended I'm sorry, I just wanted to put in my own point of view, for what it's worth.


----------



## Tracyn (Feb 1, 2005)

My MIL is a "NO"-er, and she was just visiting for a week (yikes!). Anyway, she started saying "No" to Dylan for this and that, and finally I told her (as politely as possible) that we don't like to use "No" with him if at all possible. However, if we do use "NO" we do our best to explain to him why. "No, don't touch the wood stove becomes sometimes it is HOT", or "No, please don't bother the kitty, she is trying to eat" etc. Etc...

My MIL seemed to adopt the phrasing pretty well, and the No's we either followed by an explanation, or completely changed to something else. She still slipped every once in a while and would raise her voice and say "NO!", but she's getting better.

I think for the most part, people are understanding.

Good luck!


----------



## Tracyn (Feb 1, 2005)

My MIL is a "NO"-er, and she was just visiting for a week (yikes!). Anyway, she started saying "No" to Dylan for this and that, and finally I told her (as politely as possible) that we don't like to use "No" with him if at all possible. However, if we do use "NO" we do our best to explain to him why. "No, don't touch the wood stove becomes sometimes it is HOT", or "No, please don't bother the kitty, she is trying to eat" etc. Etc...

My MIL seemed to adopt the phrasing pretty well, and the No's we either followed by an explanation, or completely changed to something else. She still slipped every once in a while and would raise her voice and say "NO!", but she's getting better.

I think for the most part, people are understanding.

Good luck!


----------

