# Unsettling situation with my kids



## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

I'm not sure if I am overreacting or what....
Last evening my DS (5) just out and tells me that a lady offered them a ride on their way home from the bus stop.
This came out of nowhere, we were just hanging out in the living room, reading and watching tele.
I was alarmed but didn't want to scare him so just stayed casual and asked who it was, was it so-and-so's mom, etc.
He said no, didn't recognize her.
Now here's the confusing part. There's three of them (kids I mean) DS-5, DD-5 and DS-7. They walk from the bus stop a few times a week and have mostly done fine with exception of arguements over who is faster etc. The main rules are, come strait home, stay together and don't go with anyone, I don't care who it is, NO ONE.
However, yesterday DD ran (way) ahead and older DS lagged behind so when this vehicle stopped by DS -5, DD didn't see/hear anything and older DS didn't hear and didn't really pay attention-to the point that he can't even recall what the car looked like.(he's often lost in his own thoughts anyway)

I fretted over this all night and wracked my brain as to who we know who could have offered my child a ride. And why? And why didn't this person call me if it was someone I know.....?
So this morning I sat DS down and explained that no one's in trouble I just want to hear what happened.
He described the vehicle, he somewhat described the lady. He then told me where it happened. Almost across from our house.
So now I'm thinking, if it was someone we knew WHY would they offer my child a ride when he's 50 feet from his doorstep?
The more I thought about it the stranger it seemed. I called the only person I know who drives a vehicle like the described one just to check that it wasn't her, but no, she was working (and I was caring for here 1 yr old at the time).
So I took the kids to school then called the police. They filed a report and will be patroling the area.
But part of me is thinking, What if it was just someone passing a friendly remark and my child misconstrued it? (But again I think, it was a cold, drizzly day, someone wouldn't be cruising around with their windows down making friendly remarks to pedestrians, particularly little children, they'd have to actually stop and roll down their window)
But I've also got three different kids with three different stories, but on the other hand my kids are very street smart, they've never made anything up (like this) before. We haven't talked about strangers, etc in quite a while so it most likely wasn't in the front of their minds.
And, above all, my child said it was wierd, and I beleive something weird happened.
I just hope I didn't overreact by calling the police.
BTW I am picking them up at the bus stop today, and will be for the foreseeable future, I'm going early just to see who's around.
Any thoughts............?


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## einalems (Feb 23, 2005)

OMG! Sounds really weird to me. I think you definitely did the right thing. Better to error on the side of caution, right? Especially when it comes to little ones.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

I'd be freaked out, too. Sounds sketchy at best. IMO, calling the police wasn't an over-reaction - it's not like you have all the details, but it's not like they're going to go out and make an arrest, either. Sounds like it'll be a good thing to have them patrolling the area a little better.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

It was probably some old woman thinking, "Oh, these kids are out walking home and it's cold. It can't harm anything for me to give them a ride home." Not being that aware of the whole "stranger danger" thing. I mean, once upon a time things were much more relaxed. I remember neighbors, including ones I didn't know all that well, giving me a ride home from the bus stop, and it was no big deal back in the 70s. At least not in the town where I was living in those days.

So someone who hasn't had kids for a while might not have thought about the stranger danger thing and just have seen wet cold kids. Maybe she was thinking of when her kids were little in an earlier decade and got rides home when it was cold and wet.

Now, I don't think you were wrong to call the police though, just so they can keep an eye open. But I wouldn't get your kids or neighborhood in a panic over it.

We recently had a "stranger danger" situation here in my town that turned out to be the newspaper delivery guy. He slows down at houses to put a paper in their box, and some kids thought he was slowing down because of them.

I also read about some old lady and old man who waved at some kids playing, and the kids got scared and the police were called over that.

Anyway, kids are right to not go into people's cars, but not everything a kid sees as a potential abduction turns out to be one. But I don't think it was wrong to call the police regardless. Just because it was probably not an attempted abduction doesn't mean it absolutely wasn't.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

How far away is your bus stop? I guess, personally, if I couldn't see them getting off the bus and walking to the house, I would be there to meet them, at that age. My kids are about to turn 7 and 9, and luckily our bus stop comes right on the corner of the street, but if it were any further away I would drive or walk them.

I think you did the right thing talking to your kids about it, and talking to the school/police since it concerned you.

I do know that my neighbor across the street has offered and picked up my kids in her van to drive them to the bus stop (literally a house length down from hers, though we have big lots here) when it was raining. So, even though she knew they were seconds from reaching the bus stop, she picked them up. But since I was watching from the door, I was able to signal/yell that it was okay.

I wonder if it was a neighbor or well-meaning person who thought it was too cold for the kids to be out? Just trying to ease your fears a bit, even though I know I would be a bit freaked too in that situation.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *childsplay* 
But again I think, it was a cold, drizzly day, someone wouldn't be cruising around with their windows down making friendly remarks to pedestrians, particularly little children, they'd have to actually stop and roll down their window

I agree that it might just be a friendly person or neighbor you don't know on your block/street who was driving down the road, saw a *little* child walking in the cold and rain, and offered a ride.

Heck, I would probably do the same, and I "know" better, but sometimes little kids in not-so-great situations like that make me sad....I wouldn't want to be walking home cold and wet either!

Why she didn't offer the other kids a ride, I don't know. Surely she would have seen them. That's the only part that kinda seems off to me.


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## MissLotus (Nov 2, 2005)

OP, you aren't over-reacting. This is exactly the chilling scenario I've read time and again in abduction cases in the news. It happens, it's real, it's out there.

There was some thread on here recently and someone said, "I don't see what the problem could be, letting little kids walk alone." What you just described is exactly why I don't! You can't be too careful.


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## swisscanmom (Aug 29, 2007)

My kids are 6 & 8 and daycare girl 9, and they still don't walk themselves to the bus stop.

I think you are right in accompanying them from now on.


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
It was probably some old woman thinking, "Oh, these kids are out walking home and it's cold. It can't harm anything for me to give them a ride home." Not being that aware of the whole "stranger danger" thing. I mean, once upon a time things were much more relaxed. I remember neighbors, including ones I didn't know all that well, giving me a ride home from the bus stop, and it was no big deal back in the 70s. At least not in the town where I was living in those days.

So someone who hasn't had kids for a while might not have thought about the stranger danger thing and just have seen wet cold kids. Maybe she was thinking of when her kids were little in an earlier decade and got rides home when it was cold and wet.

Now, I don't think you were wrong to call the police though, just so they can keep an eye open. But I wouldn't get your kids or neighborhood in a panic over it.

We recently had a "stranger danger" situation here in my town that turned out to be the newspaper delivery guy. He slows down at houses to put a paper in their box, and some kids thought he was slowing down because of them.

I also read about some old lady and old man who waved at some kids playing, and the kids got scared and the police were called over that.

Anyway, kids are right to not go into people's cars, but not everything a kid sees as a potential abduction turns out to be one. But I don't think it was wrong to call the police regardless. Just because it was probably not an attempted abduction doesn't mean it absolutely wasn't.

This. I recall speaking to a retired law enforcement person once (it wasn't regular police, seemed something higher up but I don't recall what) and he told me that the vast majority of people that you see are not a threat. Some are indifferent, but they figured in his line of business that there was roughly 1% of the population you had to worry about. Odds are it was truely nothing of significance or any kind of threat. However, with that being said I would have definitely reported it to the police as well and would be keeping a closer watch just in case.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SunshineJ* 
This. I recall speaking to a retired law enforcement person once (it wasn't regular police, seemed something higher up but I don't recall what) and he told me that the vast majority of people that you see are not a threat. *Some are indifferent, but they figured in his line of business that there was roughly 1% of the population you had to worry about.* Odds are it was truely nothing of significance or any kind of threat. However, with that being said I would have definitely reported it to the police as well and would be keeping a closer watch just in case.

1% is not 0%.

I am 100% sure my kids are getting home safe and sound if I am meeting them at the bus stop myself.

We have to be careful though, this thread will turn into another debate soon.









I think the OP was not over reacting at all, and I think she handled it very well in regaurds to how she talked to her kids about it. I would have found it very hard not to hypervenilate if I was the one hearing that story from my son.


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## calpurnia (Sep 26, 2004)

Did your 5 year old appear unaccompanied, having run ahead of his sibs? If I saw a small kid out alone on the road in the rain I might well think of asking if they were okay, needed a ride etc.


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Anastasiya* 
I agree that it might just be a friendly person or neighbor you don't know on your block/street who was driving down the road, saw a *little* child walking in the cold and rain, and offered a ride.

Heck, I would probably do the same, and I "know" better, but sometimes little kids in not-so-great situations like that make me sad....I wouldn't want to be walking home cold and wet either!

Why she didn't offer the other kids a ride, I don't know. Surely she would have seen them. That's the only part that kinda seems off to me.

Could have been. But, my kids weren't in a not so great situation. They were just doing what they normally do and they like walking. They were dressed appropriately for the weather with waterproof snow coats and snow pants, hats mitts and boots, and eating their way home snacks. If it were pouring rain, sure I'd have gone and picked them up, but an overcast drizzly winter day that they're well dressed for? Usually not. So no, they weren't cold and wet. In fact when they got in, they dumped their backpacks and went back outdoors.

I'm hoping that it was just a neighbor who DS may have not recognized for whatever reason, who may have just said something that he misunderstood. But if that were the case why wouldn't she have taken 10 seconds to pop into my house and say look I think I scared your kid, or hey your kids look miserable or whatever. That way I could have dealt with it rather than DS who shouldn't have to. Or even told DS who she was (X's Mom or Mrs. X or your 5 door down neighbor...)


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

IMHO 5 is too young to walk home alone, and 7 is too young to have the responsibility of two 5 year olds. I'd accompany them, for sure. Anything could happen - not just the ride lady, but mean dogs, bullies, accidents.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *childsplay* 
Could have been. But, my kids weren't in a not so great situation. They were just doing what they normally do and they like walking. They were dressed appropriately for the weather with waterproof snow coats and snow pants, hats mitts and boots, and eating their way home snacks. If it were pouring rain, sure I'd have gone and picked them up, but an overcast drizzly winter day that they're well dressed for? Usually not. So no, they weren't cold and wet. In fact when they got in, they dumped their backpacks and went back outdoors.

Well, that makes more sense to me then. Where I'm from a cold drizzly winter day is usually a pick-up-in-a-vehicle day because no one here owns snow suits or boots.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

To be honest, it fit the pattern the predators wait for. Several small kids, lag apart, then approaches one. So while 99% of the time it was innocent, it did fit the profile. But your child did the the right thing and didn't go so you should feel good about that too!


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## JessBB (Apr 10, 2007)

When I was 6 years old, an older woman in a late-model car tried to give me a ride. I was alone and it was unpleasant weather for walking, which where I was meant 90+ degrees. EXACT same scenario, I wanted to go home & big brother stopped at someone's house. I said no and she persisted a little bit, but I pointed to a house and walked up to it and she drove off. I was scared. Statistically, she was probably totally harmless. But 25 years later it is a VIVID memory and I know in my heart I avoided a dangerous situation. Good for your kids for trusting their instincts! But at minimum I'd walk with them until you know that they will stay together.


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## catters (Nov 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *einalems* 
OMG! Sounds really weird to me. I think you definitely did the right thing. Better to error on the side of caution, right? Especially when it comes to little ones.

I completely completely agree!


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I've offered and given kids a ride home in bad weather. One time, I drove two kids home who lived practically across the street from the school.

They were kids I knew...I knew their names and who their teachers were, but the parents didn't really know me at the time. They probably knew who I was, and they could call around and probably find someone who had my phone number. But, they didn't KNOW me. (this was before everybody in the world has cell phones, so I couldn't call and ask)

But, these were also kids that would have walked home with MY kids if I were letting them walk. So, it was the best thing to do. Otherwise, we would have been leaving them to walk alone.

I kinda worried that it would be weird to drive them home, but I worried more about just driving away and leaving them there.

Even though, I have given kids a ride home without asking the parents, I would still be concerned if one of my own kids said "it was weird". I would praise him or her for using common sense and listening to their instincts. Then, I also would have called the police. Just to be cautious. If something does happen to another child, at least you know somebody will come talk to you to see if your son can help find this person.

It may just be a nice mom who's child was in your son's class, and worried about seeing him walking home. (some people freak out over these things) and just wanted to offer him a ride. Or even a mom who's child hasn't made friends yet, and MOm was trying to forge a friendship by offering a ride.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calpurnia* 
Did your 5 year old appear unaccompanied, having run ahead of his sibs? If I saw a small kid out alone on the road in the rain I might well think of asking if they were okay, needed a ride etc.











So, if I understood correctly your DD had run "way" ahead. If DS was only 50 feet from your house, I assume that means she was to your house by then? DS was walking home and a ways behind him was your older DS. So it could have easily looked like a 5 year old child out by himself? I could easily see myself not approaching the child but watching the child to make sure he was going somewhere very close. Perhaps she didn't offer the 7 year old a ride because he seemed older and more able to be "alone."

I think picking them up is a good idea, but I think another idea you might want to consider is impressing upon your children that when you allow them to walk home without you they are to do it together. DS & DD occasionally walk home w/out me and I would be quite upset if one ran far ahead of the other. They know they are to stay together and they are 8 & 11 so much more able than a 5 year old (I assume) to handle themselves on their own. JMO.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissLotus* 
OP, you aren't over-reacting. This is exactly the chilling scenario I've read time and again in abduction cases in the news. It happens, it's real, it's out there.

There was some thread on here recently and someone said, "I don't see what the problem could be, letting little kids walk alone." What you just described is exactly why I don't! You can't be too careful.

I agree with this. It is better to be safe than sorry.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Well heck, my grandmother and her friend WERE kidnapped by a guy in a car who offered them a ride to school. Luckily my grandmother is a spitfire and nearly clawed the guy's face off so he drove off the road when she realized he was driving them OUT OF TOWN, not to school.

It's a little different when you KNOW someone this happened to (and she's in her eighties, so this was a long time ago...that kind of thing probably started with the dawn of civilization).

I think you did the right thing, even if it was probably nothing. The fact is, you don't know, and your children are pretty young. Good for them for refusing the ride AND for telling you about it. And maybe your alerting the police will save another kid, if there really is someone out there up to no good.


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gcgirl* 

I think you did the right thing, even if it was probably nothing. The fact is, you don't know, and your children are pretty young. Good for them for refusing the ride AND for telling you about it. And maybe your alerting the police will save another kid, if there really is someone out there up to no good.


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TiredX2* 









So, if I understood correctly your DD had run "way" ahead. If DS was only 50 feet from your house, I assume that means she was to your house by then? DS was walking home and a ways behind him was your older DS. So it could have easily looked like a 5 year old child out by himself? I could easily see myself not approaching the child but watching the child to make sure he was going somewhere very close. Perhaps she didn't offer the 7 year old a ride because he seemed older and more able to be "alone."

I think picking them up is a good idea, but I think another idea you might want to consider is impressing upon your children that when you allow them to walk home without you they are to do it together. DS & DD occasionally walk home w/out me and I would be quite upset if one ran far ahead of the other. They know they are to stay together and they are 8 & 11 so much more able than a 5 year old (I assume) to handle themselves on their own. JMO.


Yes, DD was in the yard, well in the woods beside the yard actually, splashing in the stream, and DS-5 was still down on the road, as for DS -7, he was probably squatted down in the ditch floating sticks down the stream (if today was any indication) so it's quite possible that DS would have appeared alone.
The thing is, I've never felt uneasy about letting them walk alone from the bus stop, we live on a quiet lane, we know every neighbor, there's a little bake shop at the end where they often sometimes stop for a cookie if I've given them money for it and we've planned it, and they're used to being on their own. They've been venturing out independantly as a trio for a couple years now (not like cross town jaunts or anything, but into the woods, down the street to a neighbor's, into a bakery/movie store/post office, and recently into the grocery store with one item each to pick up, off to go fishing, etc...) I'm usually hovering somewhere within earshot or eyesight, but with this, I've just put faith in that I've taught them well and they will be aware of what is going on around them.
I'm disapointed that they separated, but not surprised, after all they are still young, and I haven't been walking them through the whole 'walking home' deal as often as I should be. It's one thing for me to say stay together, and another thing completely for me to practice it with them.
I am glad though that DS reacted in the way he did.


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SunshineJ* 
This. I recall speaking to a retired law enforcement person once (it wasn't regular police, seemed something higher up but I don't recall what) and he told me that the vast majority of people that you see are not a threat. Some are indifferent, but they figured in his line of business that there was roughly 1% of the population you had to worry about. Odds are it was truely nothing of significance or any kind of threat. *However, with that being said I would have definitely reported it to the police as well and would be keeping a closer watch just in case*.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
1% is not 0%.

I am 100% sure my kids are getting home safe and sound if I am meeting them at the bus stop myself.

We have to be careful though, this thread will turn into another debate soon.









I think the OP was not over reacting at all, and I think she handled it very well in regaurds to how she talked to her kids about it. I would have found it very hard not to hypervenilate if I was the one hearing that story from my son.

I guess people will always choose to read/hear the parts they want to. I shouldn't be surprised. I didn't say it was innocent, I said the odds are in her favor that it wasn't anything fueled by malicious intent BUT that I would have still reported it and would be keeping a closer watch as well. Sigh.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I'm currently reading "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker, and it might be something you want to check out of your local library.

Stranger abduction is exceedingly rare, but you did the right thing by calling the cops. More importantly, I think, you did the right thing by believing and listening to your child. He did a great thing by telling you about it, by trusting and listening to his intuition. You did a great job not overreacting, not screaming about so-called "stranger danger" or haranguing your kids for not staying together. Though I do think I'd be out at least on the front porch watching them walk home from now on. It does seem like too big of a responsibility to place on the 7 year old, or on either 5 yo. A 5-yo shouldn't be in charge of his or her own safety, IMO.


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## lilmom (Nov 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 
IMHO 5 is too young to walk home alone, and 7 is too young to have the responsibility of two 5 year olds. I'd accompany them, for sure. Anything could happen - not just the ride lady, but mean dogs, bullies, accidents.

I agree with this!! I would not be comfortable letting them walk at this age by themselves.

I also think you absolutey 100% think you did the right thing by calling the police. If your kids said it seemed weird, or if even ONE of your kids said it seemed wierd, it probably was wierd and not a safe thing.

I'm a believer also that we should never teach our kids not to trust their gut instincts. So if your baby thought something was off, it was.


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

Once in my naive, childless days I offered a kid a ride home. I certainly didn't mean any harm to him (he was crying and it was snowing out, I just felt bad for him), and he didn't take me up on it anyway. Hopefully this is something like that. But that being said, I think you did the right thing.

I also very much agree that these kids are too young to be walking unsupervised like that. My school district won't even allow it without a note from the parents. The bus driver watches to make sure that they get indoors before she drives away.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

the main thing that would stand out in the conversation is your child saying something is wierd. i have noticed my dd is an excellent read of character - she picks up if something is off (i could too as a child) and to date she has NEVER been wrong. if she says someone is wierd i totally believe her.

definitely you did the right thing. at least you have it on police report. IF something does happen in the future with some other poor kid, they have this on file. because your son said wierd that's what makes it important to write the report.

i really believe kids understand sooo much more than we adults can.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Really, how your DS handled things makes me think they CAN walk by themselves. After a bit more practice with sticking together.









Being old enough to walk isn't about never encountering "weird" situations, it's about responding correctly. Your ds will probably be proud of himself in future because of this.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I don't see why they can't walk by themselves either. My 7-year-old walks a kindergarten neighbor home on her way here from the bus stop. I have no problem with that.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

You are NOT overreacting.

I would have called the police also.

a) Normal people who are otherwise strangers KNOW to not offer rides to kids, EVER.

b) Normal people who are known to you would have contacted you to tell you that they had offered a ride

c) Normal people who are known to you would not offer a ride 50 feet from the door

d) Normal people who are known to you would have been recognized by your child.

Therefore: this is NOT normal, and you are RIGHT for being worried and taking action.

I am sorry that this happened, but grateful that it didn't result in anything further.

Trin.


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

I think in these times the majority of people know better than to do this-even older generations. And if they don't know better, they really should learn-it's confusing to children.


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## bebebradford (Apr 4, 2008)

Momma.. trust your gut...
That being SAID.. if I saw small kids walking outside beside a road I MIGHT offer a ride. I actually "found" an 2 year old one day that had wandered from a street over. I picked him up, and long story short.. found his mom.. she was tending to a newborn. The child was supposed to be napping but had slipped out of the house. If I hadn't stopped him there's NO telling what could have happened. He crossed a very busy street to get to my side of the neighborhood. It was scary.


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## bebebradford (Apr 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 
You are NOT overreacting.

I would have called the police also.

a) Normal people who are otherwise strangers KNOW to not offer rides to kids, EVER.

b) Normal people who are known to you would have contacted you to tell you that they had offered a ride

c) Normal people who are known to you would not offer a ride 50 feet from the door

d) Normal people who are known to you would have been recognized by your child.

Therefore: this is NOT normal, and you are RIGHT for being worried and taking action.

I am sorry that this happened, but grateful that it didn't result in anything further.

Trin.


I agree somewhat, but IF I thought the child was in danger, running away,lost.. I WOULD stop and figure out the situation. Read my above post.


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## bebebradford (Apr 4, 2008)

Also, OP.. I'm glad your kids did the right thing, but I wouldn't let them walk alone anymore. They are a bit young.. not that THEY are untrustworthy.. but anything could happen.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 
) Normal people who are otherwise strangers KNOW to not offer rides to kids, EVER.

b) Normal people who are known to you would have contacted you to tell you that they had offered a ride

c) Normal people who are known to you would not offer a ride 50 feet from the door

d) Normal people who are known to you would have been recognized by your child.

I don't think any of these statements are absolutes. I know my sister, who's childless, probably wouldn't think anything of offering a child a ride. I asked a kid if he wanted to come in once to wait while I wrote a check for something he was selling. He said he wasn't allowed. Though it obviously made sense that he wasn't allowed, I didn't even think about that when I asked.

I also wouldn't call someone to say "I offered your kid a ride and he said no." Why the heck would I call and say that?

Plus I know lots of people but don't know where they live or their phone numbers.

Look, the chances are slim that there was anything malicious, but it doesn't hurt to be more vigilant from now on. I'd also consider whether they're old enough to do things like go to the post office by themselves since they aren't sticking together or are "lost in thought." That doesn't suggest to me that they are ready for that responsibility.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 

Look, the chances are slim that there was anything malicious, but it doesn't hurt to be more vigilant from now on. I'd also consider whether they're old enough to do things like go to the post office by themselves since they aren't sticking together or are "lost in thought." That doesn't suggest to me that they are ready for that responsibility.

or stopping to play in the stream instead of coming right home. I wouldn't be comfortable with at at age 5 and 7.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

I would not immediately think of abduction. Rather, I'd suspect the woman thought the children were too little and unsupervised. She may have wondered where the legal guardian was and drove up to the child for a better look. Asking if the child wanted a drive home could have been a, "what are you doing out here, where are your parents, are you okay" question.

I'll leave the debate of age alone. My point is that to strangers, the age of a child can be hard to determine. My 5yo sister is extremely tall and talkative. Most people think she is 8. I could easily see a stranger looking at a short, or skinny or perhaps shy child and thinking the child was much younger. If I saw a 3,4,5 yo walking alone, I would drive up and talk to him/her.


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## 4myfinn (Dec 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 
You are NOT overreacting.

I would have called the police also.

a) Normal people who are otherwise strangers KNOW to not offer rides to kids, EVER.

b) Normal people who are known to you would have contacted you to tell you that they had offered a ride

c) Normal people who are known to you would not offer a ride 50 feet from the door

d) Normal people who are known to you would have been recognized by your child.

Therefore: this is NOT normal, and you are RIGHT for being worried and taking action.

I am sorry that this happened, but grateful that it didn't result in anything further.

Trin.

I totally agree. OP was totally justified in calling the police. If it really is just a misunderstanding, let the police sort it out.

Kudos to OP for teaching your son the right thing to do.


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
I'll leave the debate of age alone. My point is that to strangers, the age of a child can be hard to determine. My 5yo sister is extremely tall and talkative. Most people think she is 8. I could easily see a stranger looking at a short, or skinny or perhaps shy child and thinking the child was much younger. If I saw a 3,4,5 yo walking alone, I would drive up and talk to him/her.

To me, this is the main issue with the thread, rather than trying to scry whether or not the person in the car had innocent or dark intentions.

The age thing is not about predators picking children, it's about the child's developmental ability to think reasonably and logically in a time of stress, or to even listen to basic instructions (ie. don't stray from your siblings, which in this case, they did).

How many kids do you hear about in the paper that were lured away by strangers offering candy (still, yes), looking for puppies, asking for directions? And not just 5 or 7 year olds, older kids. I think 60 min did a 'sting' with kids and showed parents - of 'mature', reasonable kids - how easy it was to lure them away.

Kids are kids. If their mental development was better, we'd let 'em vote and drive way earlier.

As someone said earlier, being there ensures their safety 100% of the time.

People will make their own safety choices, obviously, and being there is one of mine. Nothing will likely ever happen to the OPs kids, but that 1% or whatever is enough to skeeve me.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 
How many kids do you hear about in the paper that were lured away by strangers offering candy (still, yes), looking for puppies, asking for directions? And not just 5 or 7 year olds, older kids. I think 60 min did a 'sting' with kids and showed parents - of 'mature', reasonable kids - how easy it was to lure them away.

And there are always the ones who are outright snatched - as in forced into a car against their will. Just sayin'. (Thinking of that Tahoe girl - what was she, like 12?)

It's not like you need to be paranoid, but it WOULD definitely be better if you reiterated that the kids should stay as a group.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

Sorry, I should not have said "EVER".

Of course, if it is a very small child, or a child in danger, etc, these are exceptions.

Trin.


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)

*nm*


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## ktmeyer (Jan 13, 2010)

If it was raining I might offer a ride to a child I knew, say a friend of my son's. I might not know where he lived or his phone number, but recognize him. But...If your son said it was weird, then it was weird.

That said, regarding the safety risks of letting kids walk...yes, there is a small chance someone could abduct them. But there is a GREATER chance you could get in a car accident on the way home after picking them up. No one says it isn't safe to pick your kid up from school in the car.


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmeyer* 

That said, regarding the safety risks of letting kids walk...yes, there is a small chance someone could abduct them. But there is a GREATER chance you could get in a car accident on the way home after picking them up. No one says it isn't safe to pick your kid up from school in the car.

I read that parallel in a book ("Free Range Kids"). Stranger abduction risk is 24 percent while family abduction risk is 50 percent.


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## Spirit Dancer (Dec 11, 2006)

honestly I would have done what you did and contacted the police and I would keep an eye on them for a few weeks to make sure the lady did not show up again. But after that I would let them walk home on their own. It sounds like a quiet road and they seem smart enough to handle it. Sure there is that allusive 1% (I actually think it is WAY) less of stranger abduction but many things we do carry risks. I am of the mindset that we assess and teach our children to be safe but that it is also critical to let them have a lot of freedom. 5 and 7 is not too young, imo, to walk home from school alone. Children here do. I would however, counsel then to walk together in the future.


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## Golden (Mar 15, 2002)

Around here, an adult must meet a child at the bus up until a certain age. I'm not positive what age it is b/c my kids attend a private school. However, we get stuck behind this one particular bus that literally stops at every driveway along this 2 mile stretch of road to let off a kid to a parent. These kids are older elementary, like maybe 5th graders? Every.single.stop had an adult. And these were single family homes. The only thing I can guess is that there is something to be said for making sure that a 1)child isn't dropped off at the wrong place, and 2)making sure that someone is even home to receive the child.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:

How many kids do you hear about in the paper that were lured away by strangers offering candy (still, yes), looking for puppies, asking for directions?
I hear about the same very very very few kids, over and over again. Like "the Tahoe girl" mentioned in a PP.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 
As someone said earlier, being there ensures their safety 100% of the time.

At no time is anyone's safety ensured 100%.

Adult women are much more commonly abducted than prepubescent children, so maybe our kids are at greater risk of getting hurt if they're in the way when someone is trying to abduct us than they are alone.


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## colsxjack (Dec 9, 2009)

I personally do not think you over reacted by calling the police. I would also tell the kids school so that they can warn other kids and maybe go over the stranger danger and trusting your instincts lessons.

I honestly think that your son did what he was supposed to and you should be proud of him and it shows that he is old enough to walk by himself. (although they may not be old enough to play around streams alone). I hope that I am able to let go and let my children have some independence. I live in a large city and you rarely see kids younger than 12 or 13 out without adults. I want my kids to learn how to listen to their instinct and be independent.

You should be proud of your son and reiterate to all your kids that he did the right thing and what you should do when something feels "weird".

Women have and do abduct people. Last year, just an hours drive from where I live, a young woman abducted a child from close to her school. She was caught on video tape. She was seen walking hand in hand with this 6 yr old child (whom she never met before). Turns out she abducted the child and brought her home to her boyfriend. It took the police 2 weeks to arrest the couple and months to find the childs remains.


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
At no time is anyone's safety ensured 100%.


As my 6 yr old says, well...duh. We could be hit by a meteorite.









But you can exponentially increase the safety of YOUNG CHILDREN by being there.

Instead of letting them lag.

And wander off to do other things.

And be approached for rides by strangers in cars.


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## tiffani (May 17, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Really, how your DS handled things makes me think they CAN walk by themselves. After a bit more practice with sticking together.









Being old enough to walk isn't about never encountering "weird" situations, it's about responding correctly. Your ds will probably be proud of himself in future because of this.

agreed. it's a good example of why you stick together when out walking -- probably just someone offering a young child a ride home in the rain, nothing to worry about, but not necessarily overreacting to contact police, just in case.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 

a) Normal people who are otherwise strangers KNOW to not offer rides to kids, EVER.

I'm not sure why you would think this -- If I had my kids with me (thereby making me a "safe stranger" I would offer a ride to a 5 year old I saw out walking alone in the rain... better me than someone who meant to do them harm, right? actually, if they said they lived nearby, I'd just watch them walk home, to make sure they made it safely. I understand that kids are not supposed to get into cars with strangers, but I hate that people are so afraid to help kids that we ignore situations where they might be in trouble.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jenifer76* 
I read that parallel in a book ("Free Range Kids"). Stranger abduction risk is 24 percent while family abduction risk is 50 percent.

can you explain these percentages? 24% and 50% of what?


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## coffeegirl (Jan 1, 2008)

Personally, I don't think I'd have called the police simply because someone offered my child a ride. As others have said, it sounds like he might have appeared to have been alone, and it was cold out, etc. I could see myself stopping and offering the same thing, depending on the circumstances and if I really thought that the child was too young, alone out there in bad weather, etc. And I know that there are a lot of just old-fashioned, friendly, neighborly people who wouldn't think twice about something like that.

However, at the same time I wouldn't ever say that you overreated by calling the police. You're the mom here and I believe 100% that you need to trust and follow your instincts when it comes to your kids.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 
... but that 1% or whatever is enough to skeeve me.

thing is, that 1% was the chance that the lady was planning something other than actually giving him a ride home. So 1 time out of 100 times a kid trusts a stranger more than they should it's a bad bad thing. Only her DS didn't. 1% of zero times is zero.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Haven't seen kids alone out in the street like that, but in stores and such I've done a number of "do you know where your mommy is?" (generally followed by glancing up and spotting the adult coming round the corner "oh good, there she is, whew."







)

I think "are you okay?" is a more normal question than asking if the kid needs a ride. Which is why the police should have a heads-up. Even though there are a dozen reasons things could be innocent.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Am I the only one who would be more worried that they are playing in a creek in weather that's cold enough for snow suits







than that one got offered a ride?

The person offering the ride probably meant no harm, and he was cautious enough to turn her down.


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tiffani* 

can you explain these percentages? 24% and 50% of what?

From the Klaas Kids Foundation (and the number is 49 percent, not 50 percent per their site, sorry):

Quote:

Based on the identity of the perpetrator, there are three distinct types of kidnapping: kidnapping by a relative of the victim or "family kidnapping" (49 percent), kidnapping by an acquaintance of the victim or "acquaintance kidnapping" (27 percent), and kidnapping by a stranger to the victim or "stranger kidnapping" (24 percent).
Edited to add: The book Free Range Kids is where I read about the parallel of kidnapping vs. car accidents -- not where I got my statistic from.


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## hermionesmum (Feb 8, 2007)

I think you should be very, very proud of your son for the way he reacted. Even though it was probably nothing I think calling the police was a good idea, too.
We had an issue with a neighbour in our old house, a middle aged man and his dog who used to appear every time the kids went out to play







Even though he probably didn't mean any harm; he was lonely and had mental health issues), I'm glad I got advice from the police at the time. My girls were 5 and three, playing in a quiet cul-de-sac in a country town. They had boundaries in sight of the house where they were allowed to play.

Did the police have any advice for you? I found ours very supportive of giving kids a bit of independence and reassuring.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jenifer76* 
From the Klaas Kids Foundation (and the number is 49 percent, not 50 percent per their site, sorry):

Edited to add: The book Free Range Kids is where I read about the parallel of kidnapping vs. car accidents -- not where I got my statistic from.

That number almost certainly includes teenagers. Teenage girls are abducted at a much more frequent rate than prepubescent children. There's much more to fear with teenage girls than with little kids. Teenage girls are the most commonly abducted people, then adult women, and then maybe prepubescent children? I read that in Protecting the Gift but I can't remember the specifics. The number of prepubescent children kidnapped from their neighborhoods by strangers is very very low.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trinitty

a) Normal people who are otherwise strangers KNOW to not offer rides to kids, EVER.
This kind of attitude make me so sad









I think of the kid whose bus driver left him off on the wrong street, miles from his house. His grandmother was frantic when he wasn't on the bus. A kind hearted woman saw him, stopped and got him home (she called the police as well). Should she not have stopped and helped??


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

I must be really paranoid and borderline obsessive, because statistics do nothing to ease my worries of my children being "snatched". Must be my upbringing. (My mother watched me and my sister get on the bus until we werent riding it anymore) Nor does the statistics of car accidents being higher then child abductions.

I guess the way my brain rationalizes it is I cannot control the need to use my vehicle. I can control how I safely use carseats and my own driving, but not the driving of others. I can also control my children being met when dropped off by the school bus. One way or the other, I will find a way for them to NOT have to walk home alone, as my mother always did. (she works full time and always has)

FWIW, the school district we are in will not alow a child (7 and younger I THINK) to get off the bus if there is no adult present to meet them. This include the bus that drops off the after school kids at my DCP. And we are talking 6-7 kids. I can't tell you how many times I have been there picking up my boys, and one of the girls is running out to meet the bus so the kids can get off.


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## coffeegirl (Jan 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
This kind of attitude make me so sad









I think of the kid whose bus driver left him off on the wrong street, miles from his house. His grandmother was frantic when he wasn't on the bus. A kind hearted woman saw him, stopped and got him home (she called the police as well). Should she not have stopped and helped??

I agree with you.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Well I can't be taking a baby a few blocks to meet the bus twice a day in the dead of winter when my 7-year-old is perfectly capable of walking there and home, and plays all through the neighborhood anyway. And I'm not going to become a huge environmental burden by driving her to school or to the bus stop when she's perfectly capable of walking to and from the bus stop by herself. If my school district had a rule like that, I'd seriously complain. If we lived within a reasonable distance, I'd let her walk alone to school alone, too. I walked alone to and from school in Kindergarten. Things are not more dangerous than they were in the 70s.

A much more common problem for kids is obesity due to not being allowed to run around outside as much as they want and walk to and from school when they live close enough. That IS a much bigger problem than it was in the 70s.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
A much more common problem for kids is obesity due to not being allowed to run around outside as much as they want and walk to and from school when they live close enough. That IS a much bigger problem than it was in the 70s.

I def agree this is a much more common problem then child abductions, which is why I take a very active role in providing lots of activities for my kids. They are still little, and I will still be a nut about letting them do things alone until they are older, but I am sure I will relax a bit with age. I hope anyway.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trinitty

a) Normal people who are otherwise strangers KNOW to not offer rides to kids, EVER.

This kind of attitude make me so sad

I think of the kid whose bus driver left him off on the wrong street, miles from his house. His grandmother was frantic when he wasn't on the bus. A kind hearted woman saw him, stopped and got him home (she called the police as well). Should she not have stopped and helped??
It makes me sad too.... but, that's the way things are.

I did amend my post to take out the EVER.... the small child looking bewildered and lost at the bus stop, falls into the category of an emergency. So, yes, in this case, she should have stopped.

A STRANGER has no business stopping and asking children _if they need a ride_ while they are dawdling their way home. That includes friendly mothers on this board.

No matter how kind-hearted you know yourself to be (not addressed to anyone specifically), that child *does not know you*. That child's parent does not know you. You cannot extend your sense of kindness and your intention of safety and goodness around that child like some sort of exceptional bubble. It is NOT appropriate to interfere with them and offer rides. Because if he or she gets a ride from you, then, they might as well climb into any other stranger's car, right? They mean well too, right?

Like I said, an emergency, yes, do what you can while alerting the parents and police asap that you are helping, let the whole world know that you are dealing with a child which is not your own.

The situation here is different. The child was not in danger. The child did not know the person. The person offered a RIDE. The person did NOT contact the parents. WRONG all around.

Trin.


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