# Co-sleeping with older children - tell me I'm not crazy.



## sunnylady303 (Sep 17, 2004)

My girls are 3 and 5 and very much wanting to still sleep with us. Right now DH sleeps with the 5YO in her single bed; I sleep with the 3 YO in our queen bed. And we all miss each other. It has been such a treat when we have stayed somewhere with a king and been able to all sleep together. So we are considering moving our queen mattress on the floor and putting a twin on either side of it. I really miss sleeping next to DH (I'm not talking about sex! We manage fine other times with that







) but just being close to him, but I am not feeling like my girls are ready to be alone in their own room. But this is such a drastic thing and my girls are so "old" compared to other cosleepers I hear about. And my inlaws when they visit will practically call CPS. Is this an ok idea? Am I the only one in the world who sleeps with her older children? Someone tell me something, please. Even if it's bad. I just have no frame of reference. Thanks!


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## filiadeluna (Oct 2, 2007)

Do your in-laws live close? If not, I would maybe just set up something different for when they visit if it is a serious concern that they might call CPS.

Anywho, I slept with my mom (divorced since I was 3) quite frequently throughout childhood. It was mostly when I'd have nightmares, but I slept in her bed a lot, even as a teenager, though I never would have admitted it to friends. We'd fall asleep watching SNL or Jay Leno, or a movie we'd rented. I don't see the harm in at all, but some people might think it was weird.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Dh and I sleep on our queen, and our 8 yo dd and 2 yo son sleep on a full size futon next to us









We have 2 bedrooms, but our family of 4 only uses one


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Also, I don't think CPS is a real risk here, in the absence of other factors. We went to a family therapist for a year when dd was 6-7, and he knew that we had a family bedroom. He didn't think it was the greatest situation, but he never suggested it was *wrong* or reported it (and he is a mandatory reporter).


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## churndash (Mar 25, 2009)

Have you asked your daughters if they are ready to sleep on their own? You may not be ready but if they are...

Absent that, I wouldn't make any decisions based on what visiting inlaws might think.

Is it possible for you to purchase a king mattress, so that the other beds are available for the eventual day when your daughters do wish to sleep alone?


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## Not just a mom (May 2, 2009)

Hi. My first post in this community. I'm new to the yuku/zboard, etc.

I have 2 boys, ages 7 & 9, and they still sleep with me. Not because they can't sleep in their own bed but because they prefer it. They always have. We don't tell many people about it, though. Have enough battles without adding more.

I'd be concerned if your kids can't fall asleep without you. Otherwise, do what's best for your family. JMO


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## purplemoon (Sep 24, 2008)

I cosleep with my two boys, 2 and 4. They want to still so I have no issue. I figure when they are ready they will want their own beds. I don't think that is too old.


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## verde (Feb 11, 2007)

My 3.5 y/o DD still sleeps with us and shows no sign of wanting to leave. Personally I love it. Every morning she wakes up and says, "let's snuggle." DH, DD and I all scoot in together for our morning snuggle.


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## minmoto2 (Dec 23, 2004)

My 10 yo dd sleeps on the floor next to our bed since her baby bro was born







She has slept in her own room off & on since she was 3yo, but made it into our room at least 3 nights a week. She informed us that she was sleeping in our room again once the baby arrived, and she kept her word! I think she feels comforted being close to us, and it helps her process. I love having our family bedroom







Our kids are welcome to come & go as needed, even if they are "too old" according to others.


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## Jojo F. (Apr 7, 2007)

Oh goodness it's not bad!! DH sleeps with DS and he is 6. I sleep with my 3 month old DD. If our rooms were big enough we would TOTALLY put the beds together but alas, this house was built in the 1920's so that's a no go.

I say go ahead and put the beds together, there is no harm in that.

As a side note- my cousins slept with their parents until they were 12 and they are the most well adjusted boys I know, so sweet and kind









CPS couldn't do anything to you


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## SunnyDaeze (Mar 31, 2009)

My son is 5 1/2 and I don't think he will ever move to his own bed. He has his own room and bed and it's his decision when he moves. DH and I both love it, but he just keeps getting bigger. We may have to add on a bed. I wouldn't worry.


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## choosewisdom (Apr 29, 2009)

None of the following scenarios are unusual at our house:

Bedtime routine, DD sleeps in her own bed all night.

Bedtime routine, DP and I fall asleep in DD's bed with her.

Bedtime routine, DD goes to sleep on her own in her own bed, comes to me later in the night wanting snuggles.

Watching a movie on the weekend, we all fall asleep in the family room.

Our LO is ten years old... I don't have a problem with any of the above happening on any given night.

Our only concern is that we may need to get a bigger bed as we are TTC.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

We have musical beds right now, so who is sleeping where varies from night to night. Lately it's been a family bedroom with 6y DD1 being the oldest co-sleeper. Other nights, she sleeps downstairs with just DH.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnylady303* 
Am I the only one in the world who sleeps with her older children?

Actually, for most of history in most of the world families would only ever have had one bedroom/sleeping space for everyone. There's absolutely no reason to sleep separately if everyone in the family is happy curling up in bed together


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

we've been using the term musical beds too lately









currently, my 8 and 4.5 yr old always sleep together, whether it be in a kitchen fort, in our bed, on a futon in the livingroom or any random place on the floor









My partner and I sleep in our bed most of the time with our 15 mo old, but we occasionally fall asleep watching a movie on the futon.

When we move, however, we will be living in a tiny apartment and sharing one room. Our plan is to dump our king-size bed (which has been peed on more times than we can count







) and buy 1 queen and 2 twins. (we'll fit them with a twin on each side, so the kids can choose where they want to be)..

So, nah, I don't think your kids are too big.. but don't tell your in-laws about _us_, k


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

My parents said screw it and got a king size bed after my little brother was born and i showed no signs of sleeping in my own bed despite their best efforts. we both slept in their bed until we were quite a bit older then your little ones are now... eventually they added a chaise b/c it was to crowded with my brother my parents the dog and the cat. i was in my own room by then









i doubt cps would be a problem b/c i cant imagine how they would find out. when your inlaws come pretend the kids are only sleeping in their while they are at your house or something. aside from that though i doubt the kids will say anything.. not because its shameful but because i cant imagine when it would come up.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Sounds like a fab idea to me!!! DS is 3.5 and I don't see him anywhere near ready to be in his own bed. We have wall to wall be ourselves! hehe


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
Actually, for most of history in most of the world families would only ever have had one bedroom/sleeping space for everyone. There's absolutely no reason to sleep separately if everyone in the family is happy curling up in bed together









Exactly! It's only in the last several generations that there's been enough wealth to even consider *not* sharing sleep spaces. In most of the rest of the world, there still is not enough wealth for everyone to have their own sleeping space.


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## Niranut (Jul 24, 2008)

In Asia, co-sleeping is the norm and is not related to whether or not you can afford to have a bed and/or bedroom for everyone. Much more a cultural thing than anything else, really. Here in Thailand, kids sleep with their parents or other relatives for as long as they like (anywhere from pre-school age all the way up to teenagers). The other day, one of my neighbors here was telling us how one of her sons slept with them until he was in high school, and that he would hold her hand when he slept, even when he was a teen. No one even batted an eye at her statement, and I chuckled inside wondering how that kind of thing would have been received in the U.S.









So as others have said, no need for concern. And rearranging the sleeping area so everyone can be together would probably help. We've got a king & twin next to each other on the floor, which allows all 5 of us to sleep quite comfortably (ds is 3, dd1 is 21mo, & dd2 is 6mo). The mattresses are literally sandwiched in from wall to wall, so we only sleep in that room, but it works well and allows everyone the room they need


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## k8s-mom (Apr 30, 2008)

DD is 9 and still prefers our bed. We have a queen & a twin next to each other so we have room. Very supportive DH admits he is looking forward to DD sleeping in her own room on a regular basis, but DD and I are happy snuggling up at night for now. She sleeps in her room when we ask for alone time. Whatever works for you! If my in-laws acted like that, they are the ones who wouldn't be welcome. so there!


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## swiesz (Jun 18, 2006)

my 6yo ds#1 and 4yo ds#2 sleep together in ds#1's queen bed, but i lay down with them until they fall asleep. 1y/o ds #3 sleeps with me in his queen size bed and we are often joined by Ds 1 or 2 sometime in the night. dh sleeps in our bed (he can not get any sleep with the kiddos, he can't even stand the dog in the room).
this is what works for us.


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## MomToKandE (Mar 11, 2006)

You're not alone. (we may both be crazy, not sure about that LOL)

My 5 year old sleeps in the king bed with me and dh. My 8 year old sleeps in a twin bed right next to the king.

The 8 year old talks about wanting to move to her own bed but when bedtime rolls around she gets scared and doesn't want to. I'm not sure if I should nudge her out to help her make the switch or keep encouraging her to do whatever she wants at the moment.


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## skolbut (Feb 18, 2008)

As long as it's their choice, who cares??? You get to sleep with your kiddos, they get the security of sleeping with you, and that's what they want! Yay!!

We too have musical beds, also musical recliner when the baby is sick.

I have a friend who has musical beds with her 4 and 8 year olds. I also have a friend whose 3 kids sleep together in the master bedroom and mom and dad sleep together in one of the smaller rooms. Whatever works!!


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

A Queen and a Twin make a lovely big bed. We have that arrangement in our big bedroom, but I am looking to rearrange this summer. My kids are 8 and 5 and both still sleep with me, but DH doesn't like sleeping with us so much (or actually doesn't like getting kicked) anymore so he usually chooses to sleep on the couch (we do have a guest room bed he could use, but he chooses the couch). We put the twin on the floor next to the queen when our youngest was 1 or 2. It has worked out really well for us and is very spacious.

This summer, though, I'm planning on painting our girls' shared bedroom and putting the twin from the big bedroom in there with the other twin that's already in there. I plan to maybe cable tie them or otherwise affix them together and make a king. Did you know that two twins put together equal a king? They do. We have a set of king sheets and I recently bought a king mattress pad so I'll make a king in their room and revert the family bedroom back to just a queen for DH and me. I plan to lie down with the girls until they fall asleep and DH can have a grown-up bedroom again. I'll join him after they fall asleep. If they need me I'll go back to them. I can't really handle sleeping with them in anything less than a king. A queen is just too tight.

Something like that might be a workable plan for you if you don't want to start out with expanding the family bed at this time. I figure that when the girls want their own beds I'll just separate the twins and they can each have one. Keeping my fingers crossed that it works!

OP: I just read your blog about your 3 yr old. I would definitely not think twice about continuing to cosleep with a little one who was sick. Let the in-laws say what they will. She needs you!


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## LaughinWillow (Jul 1, 2007)

Wow. I have a 15 year old daughter, and she would come get in bed with me nearly every night until she was 11 - and even then she would have continued, but we moved in with my fiance (now dh), and I was at least conscious enough to realize that even though I trusted him completely to sleep with her, schools/doctors/whatever might not feel the same way...









Anyway, my almost-5 year old ds and almost-2 year old ds sleep in bed with my husband (and used to be me too, till we had ds #3 last week!). I just think it's crazy to tell children that they have to sleep alone. Who wants to sleep alone? Sleeping alone (for children, but often even for adults) is often scary, lonely, and cold in winter. I think that Americans are so hypersexual that just the thought of a bed is linked to sexuality. So eventually - to the modern mainstream US way of thinking - if you sleep in bed with a child, eventually something sexual is going on. Or if that's too extreme, there's the whole desperation to force children to be "independent" from birth, forcing them to sleep in cages alone, rather than snuggled up against a warm human being where they belong.

Just cuz society's crazy doesn't mean you have to be!


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

I slept with my mom till I was about 9. My daughter is 7 and slept with me for most of the last year. Recently we moved and have no beds so DH and I have a queen air mattress. It's bad enough just with the 2 of us so there's no way we can do more. She's been sleeping in her room ok since we got here but occasionally I go and sleep with her since I miss her.


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## ChinaDoll (Jul 27, 2003)

Your idea sounds like a wonderful set-up!

FWIW, we had a family bedroom (2 mattresses) until DD decided she wanted to sleep in her own room at age 4.5. DS only just moved to his own room at age 5. They are normal, and it's also totally normal for kids to sleep even longer in their parents' bedroom (family bedroom).

If you're really worried about grandparents, why not set the bed back up in one of the kids' bedrooms, house grandparents there, and say, well, since the kids are displaced, they can sleep in Mom and Dad's room tonight ... grandparents won't think a thing about it (trust me







)


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## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
Actually, for most of history in most of the world families would only ever have had one bedroom/sleeping space for everyone. There's absolutely no reason to sleep separately if everyone in the family is happy curling up in bed together









You rock! Absolutely! We still happily sleep with our almost 5 year old and I can't imagine not having him cuddled with us at night.


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## D'sMama (May 4, 2008)

When you said "older children", I was imagining like 10 and 12 or something. 3 and 5 is so young still!

I think people in the US associate bed sharing with sex, since it's most common to share a bed with a sexual partner, we refer to sex as "sleeping with" someone, etc. ...which is probably why some people get uncomfortable with the idea of bed sharing with children at all, even though most people do it at least occasionally. Silly, but whatever. Other people's hang-ups shouldn't be your problem.

Recently, I was talking with a certain in-law, who asked me when DS would move to his own bed (he's only 4 months!). I said "when he wants to" and smiled. She then said she knew a family where the wife was sleeping with the 3 year old daughter and the husband was sleeping separately. She said they had really screwed up priorities.














:

If it works for your family, what does it matter to anyone else, right?


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## MaryJaneLouise (Jul 26, 2005)

Did you ever notice how many kid's books talk about "monsters under the bed" and such? Young kids like yours are not ready to be by themselves at night.

Your bed doesn't need to be on the floor, if you don't like being on the floor. If you live in a high humidity area, sometimes mattresses on the floor can mold and mildew.

Put all the mattresses up on bed frames. Bungee cord the legs of the beds together tight so there is no gaps between mattress. Scooch one edge of the bed up against the wall, and put a bed guard on the "out"side. Voila! A super-deluxe-extra-double-king bed!

Happy dreams!


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## chrisgb (Sep 22, 2009)

i am asian so co-sleeping for smaller children is a part of our culture, and that's what i did with all of our babies. however, my daughter is 9 years old now and my husband sleeps with her in her single bed. he also sleeps without a shirt (which he has always done) i'm not concerned at all that something inappropriate is happening, but it may not be good for her emotional development and evolving sexual identity. i think he does it partially because we don't have a great marriage and so he has invested all of his emotional energy into our daughter. i've suggest he either sleep in a trundle next to her. thoughts?


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## Beebsmom (Mar 23, 2011)

I fully plan on letting DS sleep with us until about age 2 or so...and then transition to a bed besides ours...then across the room...and eventually into his own room. The only issue my SIL had with her little girl is that at age 9 she wanted to start going to sleepovers and having them, but was afraid/had anxiety about sleeping without her parents.

In my opinion it isn't a big deal...SIL just helped her transition to her own bed SLOWLY...but that was only b/c she showed signs she wanted to sleep on her own.

Hubs says age 7-8 is when he would like DS in his own room...however that could drastically change if we decide to have another baby.

I have been a child welfare advocate for over 10 years now, and CPS can't do a single thing because you co-sleep. If there are no other indications of abuse...they don't consider co-sleeping abuse...especially if the child has their own bed but chooses not to use it.

Do what is best for your family, and I say let your kids choose when they feel ready!


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## babamamma (Apr 3, 2011)

I've slept with my son since he started standing up in his crib and threatened to climb out. We have 2 bedrooms, one is ours the other is mine (separated). I read to him, and we have a little chat, cuddle then he falls asleep. I get up and go to my own room or watch tv. Then I either sleep with him or sleep in my own bed. Invariably he comes and gets me at some point 1am usually and I spend the rest of the night there. It seems to be ablsolutely fine with both of us. He knows where to find me if he wants me. And if I have trouble falling asleep or he is kicking etc. I stay in my own bed. He's 5 now and I've been worried if I'm doing him any harm by carrying on like this. I'm glad to know that I'm not. He's an only child and with the separation I think it is very reassuring and comforting to know I am there for him. When he goes to sleep he rolls over and is very content and so am I. I don't feel there is any odd connection forming between us. Only that he is comforted that I am near him.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *prothyraia*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


Indeed! I can't imagine being any cozier than when my family (dh, me, 3.5 year old ds and 4 month old dd) are all cuddled together in our family bed. We have a queen and a double pushed together and it is great. OP, what you plan to do with your beds sounds like a great idea. I don't think I would be very happy with our family bed if it wasn't big enough.

I think it is weird to think a family bed is weird. I can't tell you how happy I am that we discovered how natural and right it is.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

I never slept with my parents, so until I was 22 and met he-who-was-to-become-my-DH, I'd never slept touching ANYONE before.

It's hard for me. And it makes me sad. I would really like to cuddle with DH at night, but I just can't sleep that way.

We both coslept with DD until she was 3, and I was in really bad shape sleep-wise. So at that point, I moved to the guest room. DD stayed in the bedroom with DH. Yeah, our society would have all sorts of sick things to say about that, but it's the society that is sick, not us. DD just wants to be with someone, and DH is a comforting presence for her. So now I sleep alone, and DH and DD share a bed. I like the idea that she will grow up to want to cuddle with her partner at night.

DD is going to visit her grandparents by herself for a few days for the first time (they live 4 hours drive away). DD says she will be fine sleeping in her own bed in her own room while she's there. She does still want her grandmother to stay with her until she's asleep, though. (But that doesn't take too long anymore).


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## Shami (Oct 9, 2007)

I am struggling with this right now. I understand that most who answered this thread are completely comfortable and happy with cosleeping until the child decides not to anymore. I would be okay with it, but... I am concerned that when she is older she won't be able to stay anywhere without me. Even now, I'd like to leave her at G,ma and G,pas house, but i'm afraid she won't do well. she is 3 1/2. And down the road I am expecting her to want to do sleep overs or our church camp (starts in 6th grade). If she never transitions to her own room, she may have to miss out on activities because she isn't secure unless she is in bed with us. Some may think it's a silly concern, but i personally know 2 kids who are in 5th and 6th grade and cannot stay anywhere, but in bed with parents. To the OP: I don't think your crazy, i'm just thinking down the road some. i think there is some value for children to feel secure enough to sleep at other peoples' houses.


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## eastvanmom (Apr 4, 2011)

Before my 2 (8 & 5) kids were born I was really critical of my cousin for cosleeping with her girl, and now I really regret having given her a hard time. I didn't understand before I had my own and my upbringing was pretty strict about NOT cosleeping. When mine were born it just worked for us to snuggle - my daughter didn't sleep well unless she was with us and I tried to Ferberize and that was a nightmare and just felt wrong in my gut. Even Ferber has apologized for having hurt so many families! My HB is a light sleeper so soon moved into the spare room and left me with the kids in the queen bed. We have bedrails on both sides and my 8 yo goes back and forth to her own bed. Within the last month she has expressed frustration that she's not ready to do sleepovers when "all the other kids are doing them" and that she wants to be more independent - which I'm applauding and we're talking about how to help her get herself ready, so we agreed that she will start each night in her own bed now and work on getting more nights on her own. Funny thing is that almost 'all the other kids' are, according to their parents, also not ready to do sleepovers - even ones who sleep in their own beds!

I'm not one of those parents who is anxious to unload my kids and I don't need them to be independent for my sake, it's got to work for them. My 5 yo is not at all interested in his little bed.

It's good to read these posts - sometimes I need reassurance that we're not harming our kids by just going with what works. So many of my friends are really focussed on "sleep training" and devoting so much energy and discipline to making sure their kids sleep all night in their own beds.

I find it very interesting to hear from grown-up kids who coslept with their parents and remember it - are you all screwed up?


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## Shami (Oct 9, 2007)

Eastvanmom, when you said this," I'm not one of those parents who is anxious to unload my kids and I don't need them to be independent for my sake, it's got to work for them. My 5 yo is not at all interested in his little bed." It reminded me of some other posters who have this kind of concept. I know you didn't mean any offense.

My dd being able to stay with grandparents over night is an important thing to me because i think it is an important skill for her to have. Also, when i was a kid, around the 6th grade, so 12 years of age, sleep overs became a big thing for me. While I don't care if my dd doesn't want to do a sleep over in her entire life, that would be fine with me. But what is not fine is if she is in the 6th grade and cannot sleep at grandma's due to her insecurity of being with out me. I want her to feel secure where ever she sleeps.

I agree age eight is probably too young for most for sleep overs...unless it's at grandma's house.

Anyway, my seeing value in her being able to sleep somewhere without me is all about her learning to be confident and secure, and has nothing to do with me being anxious to unload my kiddo. And it has nothing to do with me wanting her to be independent for MY sake, rather it is for her sake. Just because I want her to get used to sleeping in her bed or at grandma's it doesn't mean that i fall into those two categories that you mentioned. Actually, I absolutely love cosleeping and would like to do it for a long time. I happen to think that it is important for kids to be able to do both, for their sake, not mine.

I just felt the need to clarify that...really no hard feelings on my part.


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## ChelseaWantsOut (Oct 2, 2008)

I slept with my parents off and on until I got married, pretty much, Haha. I went to college hundreds of miles away, but when I came home for holidays I would usually spend at least one night in their bed. Also, my grandma slept with me when I spent the night at her house until I was a teenager. I did sleepovers just fine, sleepovers entail sleeping either in your friend's bed, or on the floor in a sleeping bag right next to your friend. I think if a kid can't sleep without his/her parents at ten, it's not caused by continued cosleeping. There's something else stressing that kid out.

As for whether I'm screwed up, well, aren't we all on some way? I'm living on my parents' basement to save money right now, is that messed up? I feel like I'm pretty well-adjusted, and I have spent long periods of time sleeping alone, for 6 months I lived alone in a studio apartment, and one summer I lived alone in a platform tent (I was a camp counselor). I definitely prefer to sleep snuggled up with DH and DS.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

I already wrote, but I just wanted to point out that my 5 year old feels confident about doing her sleepover at her grandmother's. It hasn't happened yet, so I don't know if she will have problems when she actually is there, but she says she's fine about it. I don't think we created a monster at all, and I think she'll be fine. Even kids who sleep in their own beds at home might have to adjust a little to sleeping at grandma's by themselves for the first time.

And as for people who got screwed up, I can't sleep with anyone... having never coslept. Isn't that kind of screwed up, not to be able to cuddle with your own husband at night? Oh, I can cuddle - awake. But sleeping, I can't touch anyone, or I absolutely cannot sleep.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Do it  We at one time had a king size bed with a twin pushed up. Now that my kids are 16,13, and 10 I enjoy our queen bed but when they were that young family snuggle time was awesome!


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## CheriK (Mar 18, 2003)

Yet another "not crazy" here. My twins slept with us every single night until they were just over 8 years. Well, not every night, as they did sleepovers @ friends and grandparents, but if they were at home we were all in one family bed. When I was pg w/ #3, we added a twin next to the king and moved our super-restless DD into that. For a year after DD2 was born, the arrangement in the king was DD2, me, DS, DH, with DD1 in the twin perpendicular to the rest of us in the king. And, no, they didn't fall asleep by themselves but had an adult with them to fall asleep almost every single night. When they spent the night at grandparents, grandpa would lie down with them. They moved out on their own but are still welcome in our bed and it's unusual for us to have only DD2 in there.

I loved that time. Sharing sleep was wonderful for us. It gave DH so much more closeness with our children; otherwise, he's at work so much he barely would get to spend time with them. And nighttime seems to be the time when they are willing and interested in talking. We have our best conversations, with all the really important questions, at night when we *should* be asleep. I suspect DD2 will move out far earlier b/c she wants to mimic the big kids. It actually makes me sad. I don't sleep well anymore with all that space!


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

It wasn't until the kids and I moved into our current apartment that the 5 year old and 8 year old started sleeping on their own. I still sleep with the almost-3 year old, and probably will for some time, but up until last August, I had a king sized bed with a crib (drop side taken off) pushed up against the mattress. All four of us plus two cats slept in the bed together. It was very close quarters sometimes, and occasionally I found myself wishing for more room, but I kept it that way as long as I could. Now I am down to a full-sized bed for me and Lil' Man, and I know if I still had the big bed, DD at the very least would still be crawling into bed with me most nights!


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## MsFortune (Dec 5, 2010)

It sounds like it's worth exploring. Why not?

Have you considered putting the kids in one bed and you and DH in the other? My sister and I shared a bed for a while when we were kids.


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## moonfirefaery (Jul 21, 2006)

I sleep with my 3 year old and 5 year old.

I have a love/hate relationship with it... I love sleeping next to them, waking up next to them. I miss sleeping alone, waking up alone. They like to get right up against me to where I'm smushed against the wall or hanging off the bed. They stretch out, they lay in odd positions and angles, they crawl on the bed and find new sleeping positions, and consequently, I have to do that a few times a night too.

I need a king-sized bed lol


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

DD is 9 (almost 10) and DS is 6. We used to have a king sized bed (where we all slept) but went down to a queen last year (our king was super old). Now, both DCs have their own beds in their own bedrooms, but still want to sleep in the room with us. Our queen is too small, so they sleep on a futon next to our bed. Sometimes DD will sleep in her own room, but lately she's wanted to sleep in ours every night. . .and that's okay! We love having our family all together!


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## canadiangranola (Oct 1, 2004)

Our almost 8yr old, almost 6 yr old, almost 3 yr old sleep with us. As do our dogs and cat. And we will add another babe to the mix in November. We have a queen and a double and a single on the floor and a loft bed overtop. Baby, me, 7yr old sleep in a row and 5 yr old and dh switch all over the place depending on where dd decides she'll sleep when she falls asleep.

We have had odd nights where the kids want to sleep in their own rooms, and they do, and they are with us by morning.

I love how cozy and snuggly it all is, and I love how I never have to worry for a moment b/c I can pat a bum or give a hug if someone has a bad dream, without ever getting out of bed. Eventually they will want their own space, although ds insists he will sleep with mama forever.







I will miss them when they're gone, so I say, enjoy it while it lasts, and don't tell others if you're worried about their reactions. It's none of their business anyway.


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Our 6 yr old and 20 month old co-sleep with us. Our 6 yr old starts out co-sleeping with his brothers but if he wakes up, then he comes in our room and gets into the "Big Bed". We have a queen. I would just do a queen with a twin on the side or at the bottom. My friend has this swet up at her house - Queen and then twin along bottom and a little toddler mattress on the side (she has 4 kids that co-sleep). I like how she has it. Then she has bunk beds with a trundle in another room. Good luck deciding the set up. 80% of the world co-sleeps, I wish people here would just be more accepting of others and what they do and let it go!! What is worng with families sharing sleep??


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## Shaki (Mar 15, 2006)

Our 5 year old DD has her own bed and starts out in her own room every night (we started doing this when she was 3-for anyone who is interested) she usually joins us in our bed sometime between midnight and 4 am, which is fine. She knows she is always welcome! Waking up in the morning all together is such a special snuggly time, I know we will treasure those memories. Any day now we'll have a newborn to add to the mix we'll have a co-sleeper attached to the bed but if he is anything like DD, the baby won't sleep in it much. We have a king size bed, I'm not sure how we are all going to fit, but we'll figure it out.


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## ellura13 (Aug 22, 2011)

So, what happens when one partner wants the 3 year old to sleep with them and the other partner does not. What do you do when it is a big problem for the one partner but the other refuses to give it up? What do you do when the one partner starts sleeping in another room so they don't have to sleep with the 3 year old? What then?


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ellura13*
> 
> So, what happens when one partner wants the 3 year old to sleep with them and the other partner does not. What do you do when it is a big problem for the one partner but the other refuses to give it up? What do you do when the one partner starts sleeping in another room so they don't have to sleep with the 3 year old? What then?


Er.....you talk about it together like grown adults?


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

DH put the girls mattresses in the front room side by side. We sometimes sleep out there with them or one of us sleeps out there or In our own bed... ya know it doesn't matter. It's all about how you guys need to sleep. It's comforting and good for all to be happy in this situation.


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## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

Co-slept with DS1 until he was nearly 12. I just was extremely selective about who I mentioned it to (as I recall, "extremely selective" meant "nobody"). I knew in my heart it was fine and good for us both for a variety of reasons.

Perhaps if it makes your IL's uncomfortable they could stay in a hotel, or perhaps wait a decade or so (okay, I meant that to be sarcastic...but it's YOUR house and YOUR bed and YOUR family). I'll be mad at them on your behalf.


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## barefootmama883 (Aug 23, 2011)

I have a cousin who slept in her mother's bed until she got married at 18. They never had a problem.


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## midnightwriter (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *1littlebit*
> . when your inlaws come pretend the kids are only sleeping in their while they are at your house or something. aside from that though i doubt the kids will say anything.. not because its shameful but because i cant imagine when it would come up.










You could say something like "We're "camping" in this week," if you feel it is warranted. I find that the camping reference puts people at ease as it provides a socially acceptable context for bed sharing.


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## ellura13 (Aug 22, 2011)

Er..... obviously we have already discussed this and have discovered that we are at an impasse. Why else would I be reaching out for answers from strangers unless my partner and I were unable to come to some middle ground on our own?


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *ellura13*
> 
> Er..... obviously we have already discussed this and have discovered that we are at an impasse. Why else would I be reaching out for answers from strangers unless my partner and I were unable to come to some middle ground on our own?


WHY is it a problem for one of you? WHY does the other person refuse to give it up? Is there any way to address the problem that the one parent has with co-sleeping without kicking the kid out of bed altogether? Is there any way for the other partner to get what s/he values about co-sleeping in a different way? If you've already had that conversation without a resolution, then pretty much all that's left is "Can I live with the way things are or does someone move out?"


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## saralm (Mar 31, 2011)

Sorry if this got posted already. I slept in the same room until I was 13 because I was not ready to move out earlier. I distinctly remember trying to sleep in my own room but finding it too scary at 11 or 12.

My parents built a platform across their bedroom and put 2 large mattresses on it. I shared on with a brother and my parents shared the other one with my other brother.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sunnylady303*
> 
> Am I the only one in the world who sleeps with her older children?


It probably feels like you are, only because most people don't talk about it. I have found that there are actually lots of families (even mainstream families) that co-sleep at least partly with older children.

I would make sure that there is a separate bed for each of your children, and then have a family bed if that's what's working for everyone. If CPS is called because of this issue, you could easily show them that each child has their own sleeping space, end of story.

In our situation, ds has his own room with his own bed. He also has a mattress right next to our bed, if he chooses to use it. Friday and Saturday nights are special nights around here and he can fall asleep in our bed (or downstairs on the couch, and then he and dh have a "boys night" downstairs while I get the big bed to myself.... woo!). DS chooses to use the mattress next to our bed maybe once every other week (it was every day, but then he weaned himself into his bedroom). The rest of the time, he sleeps in his own bed.


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## July05mama (Nov 9, 2004)

DH and I still co-sleep with our 6 yo DS for part of the night every night. He falls asleep in his bed while we are reading together and finds his way to our bed at some point. The reading before bed in his own room is a new thing. Up until recently, he would fall asleep in our bed and stay there all night. He's getting so big that I'm finding it quite uncomfortable but not enough to "kick him out".  Love having my boy next to me!


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

We actually just moved all the beds into one room. Two twins and a queen, the thing is they don't want to be in a separate room and I can't imagine it any other way. I don't like to be without them. Now if anyone asks why we're all in the same room, I just ask why they even care. Also my sister asked how we do the grown up dance with the kids around... and I told her that you only need a bed if you've recently had hip replacement. Geez! Add a little excitement to your life! Makes you have to think outside the box.


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## rupunzlkim (Oct 29, 2010)

I guess what I would like to hear is how do cosleeping families work around differing bedtimes. Our daughters go to bed around 7:30 but me and DH don't retire till around 10:30 (and sometimes much later). We also get up eariier than the girls at around 6:30 and DD2 doesn't wake until about 6:45-7:00 and DD1 not until 7:30-8:00. If you're all sharing the same room, how do you go to bed without waking the LOs? How do you get up and go about your morning ritual (stationary bike, bathroom, showering, etc.) without waking the LOs? How do you deal with one child who rises (quite energetically!) earlier than the other(s)? Our master bedroom has the traditional attached bathroom with no door.

Also, when DH and I go to bed, there's probably about 1/2 - 1 hr of bedtime ritual before actual lights out and sleeping. Like bathroom, brushing teeth, washing faces, reading books, doing crosswords, little computer work, etc. Both daughters were in our room in a co-sleeper until they were about 6-8 mos old before they went to their own room. When our daughters were getting around 5 mos old, it became an ardurous task of tiptoeing around in VERY dim light trying to get ready for bed and trying to VERY quietly slip between the sheets so as to not wake the infant. If we didn't do a good job, we had a crying baby who wasn't happy about being wakened. We HAD to get them in their own room so that they could have undisturbed sleep. So I'm very interested to hear how families work around these issues while maintaining a family bed.

Also, for those with a family bed, what about when someone's having a tough night (or week!) like sick, teething, etc. Doesn't that ruin everyone's sleep for a while?

When DD1 was 3.5 and DD2 was 8 mos we had them sharing a room because we thought they'd like the company. DD2's disruptive sleeping was making DD1 grouchy and irritable during the day because her own sleep was being negatively impacted, so we had to move DD2 into her own room. We kept a pack-n-play in DD1's room in the hope/expectation that DD2 might spend some nights there once her sleeping was more regular (teething is a constant disrupter), but DD1 is ambivalent about having DD2 sleep in her room. She asks for it, but if we attempt it she gets all out of sort during bedtime routine so we have to abort and put DD2 in her own room. And DD2 seems to like having her own room and doesn't seem interested in sharing with her big sis.

I guess my question regarding that is how does anyone get a good night sleep with all the bodies so close together? Seems like the more bodies you have the more potential for someone having issues on any given night and causing a problem for the whole family??? Just curious how this works out as I haven't really seen any posts addressing this.

Me, myself, not only didn't I cosleep with my parents but I remember having the feeling that I wasn't allowed in the parents room. My folks divorced when I was 5, but neither household had any kind of "inviting" presence regarding the bedroom. I love it now that my 4yo comes into our room upon waking and I get to see her morning face (and hair!) and I get to greet her with a smile. I also would like our 4yo to sleep in our bed occasionally, but when I've tried she starts getting into our things (like playing with lotion or vasaline or nail files, whatever) while we're not in the room and I have to send her back to her own room. And I can't have our 20mo daughter sleep with us because with me being in such close proximity she'll want to nurse all night long and I can't sleep while nursing, it's too disruptive to my sleep. FWIW, she started sleeping through the night early and hasn't night nursed since she was about 3 mos old (lucky me!!!), even when she was sleeping in a co-sleeping in our room. She's almost 20 mos and nurses about 3-4x/day, upon waking, before or after nap (or both) and at bedtime.

So, I'm just curious how co-sleeping families address these issues as I'd like to co-sleep occasionally, but just can't figure out the logistics. We do have a king sized bed, so I'm not too concerned with space, though I do toss and turn a bit because of should issues. Suggestions? Comments??


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