# i am back and choking on death



## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

it has hit me too (ambrose, i think we lost our babies around the same day...)

and i am choking on it...

i can not function...
i just want to scream
all the wisdom and sweet holy protection that i have felt wrapped in...has all melted away
and i am very pissed off.

furious and scared and sick and still so broken

cyber scream
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh
where is my baby?
why did this happen to me?
and why am i so alone in this?

i want my body back
i want my trust back
i want my joy back

i want me back

i do not even know who i am.


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

Lasius was born and died the day after your angel. But yeah- we're right there together.

I wish it was possible for me to come and give you a hug IRL. I know we both need them.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Moma J--

No one should have to endure what you have. It is unfair, you have been wronged, and you have every right to be angry.

But you aren't really alone...I know we aren't the same as people IRL, but I care about the women who come here to unload their pain. We are all sisters of a sort. And you know we will listen to your cyber screams.










Keri


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

: I have no words to express what I long to say to you


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

it is a nightmare. expected to move along with life, get better... and its not even like you are living in the same world anymore. i am so sorry you are feeling this. i really hurt with you. i don't know how to deal with the anger, this feeling of living with the remainder of what was. it feels better when someone understands, somehow. you've been in my thoughts. i hope you can find a break, some peace. its like waves (so tired of hearing that) it is true. there will be a break, but you have to feel the pain when it comes like a wave over your head and you have to go under and be tossed around and hit your head and choke and turn inward and just want to die. in my own experience, i have gone under alot and then the wave disappates and i can breath again. somehow the pain becomes bearable, even though it is still present, somehow it calms down and i feel like i can deal with life again. ha, i'm still sopping wet, drenched with it, looking like hell, but i'm on a break from it and i can breath again.

much love to you...


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

The pain is so real, so constant.

Coralsmom is right - it is like a wave, with crests that seem insurmountable, and the, just when you can't take it anylonger, it breaks and you can tread water for a bit.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope peace finds you soon, temporary though it may be. Please know that you are not alone.


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## Nettie (May 26, 2005)

: I just wanted you to know that I hear you.







:


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## *clementine* (Oct 15, 2004)

If it helps in any little way, your post made me cry.


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