# Cutting hair and clothes, logical consequences? Advice?



## fly-mom (May 23, 2005)

DD cut up a brand new nightgown (just bought it yesterday) and cut a chunk out of her hair last night. She's 4 yo next month, and I've never had too much of problem with her and scissors before. We've discussed many times that we just cut paper, and that she is not to cut her hair or clothes. I thought she got it. She took scissors with her to bed last night, and I didn't know she had them.

What should I do? I told her I was angry that she cut up her brand new nightgown and her hair. I told her that she would have to be supervised with scissors now. She told me she was very sorry. I don't plan on getting her a new nightgown right away, even though she needs one; she'll just have to wear her old ones for a while. I don't know whether to get her hair cut to even it up, or just let her go with a chunk out of it. We would have to get about 3 inches cut off to even it out. Would it be punative to get it cut or just a logical consequence? Maybe I should just leave it up to her? I'm more upset about the nightgown though. It hurt my feelings because it was a special present from me, and she just shredded it.

I feel like I should be doing something more...


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

I would talk to her about why it's wrong. And I would keep the scissors out of reach. I wouldn't take it personally, though. I'd sew up the tear to the best of my ability and let her wear it still (if possible). I'd get her hair evened out.


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## jillmamma (Apr 11, 2005)

Definitely keep all scissors out of reach, and when you decide to let her use some again, do it on a limited basis with lots of supervision. I think having her have to wear the old nightgowns for awhile, getting her hair trimmed to even it up, and not being allowed or only on a very limited basis to use the scissors is pretty logical consquences for her actions. Obviously, she is just not ready to be trusted with them on her own yet, so that makes sense to me.


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## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

i dont know if this helps but i remember once cutting a few small holes in my duvet cover as a child, i have no idea why i did it and i dont recall cutting anything else - maybe it was just an experiment?


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## Sharon RN (Sep 6, 2006)

My ds cut some holes in a pair of jeans- because "I liked the way it looks."

I explained that he should have asked for help and that we could have picked an older pair of jeans as they were pretty spanking new and that's why I was unhappy. (Hey, I'm all for personal expression!)

Anyway, he'd received a gift card for Christmas for Target, so he could pick out his own toy. This was right around the same time, so I had him buy a replacement pair of jeans instead, which, of course, left him with less $ for a toy.

Since your dd is younger, I'd probably keep the scissors out of reach for a while. But, I just wanted you to know, it seems lots of children like to cut stuff!


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

My ds did that sort of thing a few times at that age. I put the scissors out of reach unless he was supervised and I told him I'd be happy to help him find things that were ok to cut up. He understood about not cutting clothes once he saw the results. He still is likely to snip the hair on the front of his head if it gets in his way. He has long hair because he doesn't like haircuts so that is actually rather reasonable though I'd rather he let me cut it.


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## Klynne (Jan 1, 2007)

Maybe she was just experimenting and now understands that cutting things "right" isn't as easy as she though... Agree with other pp's : I'd get her hair straightened out and sew together the pj as good as you can so she can wear it. If it was my dd, I'd take the chance to talk about why she only can cut on paper, and if she's in doubt, to ask. My dd isn't as old so I don't know how this would be but, could you try to explain to her how you felt when you saw the cut up pj, since it was a gift? It might be a good time to explain about receiving gifts?


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## fly-mom (May 23, 2005)

Okay , sounds good. Thanks.

She has been using scissors for over a year now, sometimes unsupervised, and never had any problem knowing what to cut and what not to cut. She will usually ask me if something is okay to cut (like she found a big rubber band and asked me first if she could cut it). She adores cutting up paper, and I liked letting her have the freedom to use them, but I guess she's not as ready as I thought she was. I think I understand why she did it. She wanted to see what would happen (just like the pp and the duvet cover, I think I can remember doing the same thing to a sheet when I was younger). I might get her some scrap fabric and let her cut that supervised, just so she has an outlet for her cutting uh... compulsion.

We've had several serious talks about cutting her hair, because she has two cousins who went to town on their hair, and I thought she understood. She wants to let her hair grow long, and talks about it all the time. I think if I insist that she have her hair trimmed to fix the botch she's going to take it really hard. I'm not sure if I should insist on it or not. It doesn't really bother me too much that there's a chunk out on one side, and it is _her_ hair. I just don't know. Maybe I'll have them trim it a little shorter than usual each time until the cut part catches up.

Oh, and I did explain to her that it hurt my feelings that she cut up this special nightgown that I had bought as a treat for her. I don't know if there's any way to fix the nightgown. It is pretty well destroyed.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

She is 4. She is not mature enough to have scissors unsupervised, IMO. I would also trim up the hair and fix the gown as best I could.


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## mmfoote (Mar 6, 2006)

I think that is a good idea you have about getting some scrap fabric for her to cut. I have different containers of things for my 3 yr. old to cut. (He's been using scissors since he was 2) He has fabrics, felts, those paint sample strips from wal-mart, construction paper, old catalogs, the stickers you lick from DVD/CD companies, yarn, etc. Giving your daughter materials that are hers to cut may help her *experiment* safely with different textures. I've also given my son containers to put his cut material into because sometimes he likes to save it and pretend that its food or use it later to make collages with glue. Good luck!


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## Earthy Mama (Jun 4, 2004)

I would ask her if she would like to leave her hair askew or cut it so it grows out evenly. Also, explain that scissors can be very dangerous, my brother cut his finger badly with a pair of children's scissors that were supposed to be safe.


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## 2tadpoles (Aug 8, 2004)

I don't know what it is about 4yo's, but both of my boys cut their own hair when they were 4yo.

And both times, it was in the same room where I was. They were cutting paper or felt, or whatever craft items we had out, and just spontaneously decided to crop a big chunk out of their hair. "Hey, mom! Look what I did!"

And they're 3.5 years apart, so I thought it was so weird that they did the EXACT same thing.


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## fly-mom (May 23, 2005)

There *is* some sort of compulsive fascination with cutting things for her right now. I found her some scraps to cut and, although she was upset that they weren't bigger she happily cut away for an hour or so. Made herself a clever "shirt and skirt" which we pinned onto her. She has (and has had)access to all sorts of things to cut like yarn, foam, cardboard, etc... Hopefully I can just emphasize that some things are okay to cut and some aren't.

The scissors are up now, and will only come down when she can be supervised. I think I will gradually even her hair out.

Thanks for all the advice!


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