# How old for full time cosleeping?



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Just curious









How old is/was your oldest child when he/she stopped cosleeping full time? (meaning, sleeping in your room and/or bed all night, every night he/she spends in your home).

If your oldest cosleeping child is still cosleeping, select that child's age.








:

(I made the poll multiple choice, so you can answer for children in addtion to the oldest cosleeper...)


----------



## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

DS was 3 1/2 when he stopped co-sleeping. Then once he got his tonsils out in August of this year (4 1/2 years old), he wanted to start again--he's now 5 and still co-sleeps full time.







We give him the choice of where he wants to sleep each night, and he always picks to sleep next to me.


----------



## pixiepunk (Mar 11, 2003)

we only have one bedroom in our house (small old farm house), so my answers were based on when they graduated to their own beds. DD1, while she asked for her own bed at 3 yo, didn't sleep there with any regularity until she turned 5. DS just got his own bed a couple of months ago and most of the time sleeps at least most of the night there - he will be 3.5 at the end of this month. both still sleep in the family bed occasionally just because (we rarely refuse them when they ask), and always when they're sick.


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

If you're defining cosleeping as 'sleeping in the same bedroom as mom' then I guess my 12yo and 14yo are currently cosleeping.









But I haven't been cosleeping with them full-time since birth (we've moved quite a few times since then.) I first moved the girls into their own room (together) when they were about 1 and 2.5. But they've always been welcomed back into my bed, and there were times when they spent more nights in my bed than their own, even when they had their own room.

DS coslept full time (in my bed or the crib next to my bed) from birth until about 4.5yo. Then he moved into another bed in the same room, because there was no other room available to move him into, although he was ready for that.

Then we've done various bedroom switches to try and optimize sleep and minimize conflict in the house- for a while DS and DD1 shared while I shared with DD2, then DS got too old to share with a sister, so now I'm sharing with both girls while DS has the smaller bedroom to himself.

ETA: Now that the poll is here, I'm not sure how to vote. 4-5 because that's when DS stopped sleeping in my bed, and he's the oldest to have coslept full time from birth? Should I also select the ages my DDs were when I first moved them into another bedroom? Should I select their ages NOW since we're sharing a room again?


----------



## BekahMomToOliver (Oct 31, 2008)

I picked 1-2, only because DS turns 1 this week, but we don't plan to stop anytime soon!


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Bump.


----------



## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

DS stopped co-sleeping full time a little past a year old. He would sleep in his bedroom until halfway through the night then want to be with us for the rest of it - So he was a part time co sleeper by then. Then around 16 months of age, I started working on the weekends. Nothing major changed in our weekend routine - except I was not there for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the late afternoon. This affected him regardless...you would have not know it otherwise but he no longer part time co slept - he was back in our bed full time (and still is) _and_ he needed me to lay down with him until he feel asleep - that was a new one as he never needed that before as he mostly always (not at birth of course!) went to bed in our bed before us as we just are not tired that early in the evening hehe! Only now - just recently so 3 years and 3 months of age (about nearly 2 years after me starting work) is he fine with going to bed and going to sleep without me. I say goodnight and then go downstairs to have my tea.

I am pretty confident, though can not say for sure - that if I did not have to get a weekend job (even though I feel it works out really well for our family, and if DS wanted, he could come to work with me - as it is, we are TTC and I have permission for the baby to come to work with me) - that DS would have stopped co sleeping by now. I dont mean that in a way that says I wish he wasnt co sleeping with us now of course though! - I have even just turned his bedroom into the playroom because I know that when we do eventually have another child that will also be a setback for him and I want him to know that our bed is open for him no matter what, espeically during that time!

I will make a bed for him when our next child is around two (unless he asks for one before hand of course) so that they can co sleep together if they choose, or DS can finally have is own bed if he chooses - no rush though...co sleeping is just normal in our family and we are lucky enough to live the way we do considering some countries where all the family sleeps in one small room together on a dirt floor!


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

I understand about children who move out, and then move back in. I guess I'm trying to get a ballpark average age for outgrowing the need to be cosleeping full time....so if they move out and then move back in, they really didn't (permanently) outgrow it.

My own dd has done that a few times, and now, at late 7, is very much needing to cosleep full time. At this stage, she doesn't (won't, can't) sleep in her own room at all, not even for a minute. I was wondering if there was a common-ish age where "late" kids grow out of this need, but so far it looks like almost everyone is out by 7ish


----------



## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

my 3rd LO was 3 years old when he stopped co-sleeping (and nursing). But it wasn't becuase one day he chose his own room, I was in the hospital so it wasn't possible to sleep with me. I do think on some level, he was ready because it was the first time he really slept thru the night (obviously w/o nursing) and it continued for the 3 weeks I was away as well as once I got better.

It really just depends on the kid, I'm thinking. There are nights when my almost 6 yo climbs into bed with us in the middle of the night -- and he never was much of a co-sleeper as an infant.


----------



## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Both kids are still full-time co-sleeping, although I seem to spend half the night rolling ds1 back onto his own bed (which is jammed against the big one) just so I can have room to get up at night. Ds1 went through a stage where I could easily leave him to fall asleep after ds2 was asleep, but now he get upset again when I try to leave. I'd love to have a bigger place with an extra room, get a double bed for them & leave them to it, though.


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

In November (at around 4yrs 3 months) dd decided out of the blue that she wanted to sleep in her own bed in the other room.

-Angela


----------



## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

My eldest is 6 and still in the bed with me, all night every night... there have been a few times where she sleeps on the floor, and her 4.5 yo sister joins her, but really - they're all still cosleeping at this point.


----------



## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 
I understand about children who move out, and then move back in. I guess I'm trying to get a ballpark average age for outgrowing the need to be cosleeping full time....so if they move out and then move back in, they really didn't (permanently) outgrow it.

My own dd has done that a few times, and now, at late 7, is very much needing to cosleep full time. At this stage, she doesn't (won't, can't) sleep in her own room at all, not even for a minute. I was wondering if there was a common-ish age where "late" kids grow out of this need, but so far it looks like almost everyone is out by 7ish









(in general - not aimed at you personally! lol - But I quote you as I think it fits hehe)

I am pretty confident that DS will no longer want to be sleeping with me in the 'family' bed when he is 18 years old! hehe







... Of course, by that time, it will be because he is too busy sleeping in someone elses bed I am sure! lol

I think if we are honest about humans - needs and nature...no one ever really wants to be sleeping _alone_ (unless of course your husband is anything like mine







lol)...Especially in a close connected family, I am pretty sure we all have the on and off need for that kind of close connectedness (and during a busy day, sometimes in our sleep is the only way we can wind down together and get that close connection back again) and it can only help for our children to know that that will always be open for them. ...even at 13 if that is the case! hehe

'Co-sleeping' is almost taboo in our society!... Not only do I sometimes (and I never feel the need really, I just like a good argument







lol) find myself justifying why I do co sleep...but I almost always also add that most children stop co sleeping by such and such age. (you know...so its okay, because they wont always be in our bed right?) (sort of almost inadvertantly saying that, yeah its okay now but its not really acceptable to have a 4+ year old in your bed, but thats okay because they won't still be there then)... But I guess that doesn't really help either. I mean...its not keeping true to our human needs and nature to even deny the fact that yeah, sometimes they come back and that really its a very good thing for them to know that they can!


----------



## griffin2004 (Sep 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Collinsky* 
My eldest is 6 and still in the bed with me, all night every night

us, too; she has a lovely room across the hall from mine; it has a bed all made up and ready, a handmade quilt, books and toys, a comfy reading chair, etc. and yet she prefers to stay with me and the dog; I call her bedroom "The Museum"


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
Now that the poll is here, I'm not sure how to vote. 4-5 because that's when DS stopped sleeping in my bed, and he's the oldest to have coslept full time from birth? Should I also select the ages my DDs were when I first moved them into another bedroom? Should I select their ages NOW since we're sharing a room again?

Sunmama- I'll vote as soon as you answer my question!


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Ruthla, vote for the age they were when they outgrew the need to cosleep full time. If you are roomsharing due to space issues, but they would be perfectly comfortable sleeping in a separate room, then they've outgrown the need.


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ann_of_loxley* 
I am pretty confident that DS will no longer want to be sleeping with me in the 'family' bed when he is 18 years old! hehe







... Of course, by that time, it will be because he is too busy sleeping in someone elses bed I am sure! lol


Well....my sister was happiest sleeping on the floor of my parent's room into her early 20s....

She wasn't living at home, but she would capitalize on any opportunity to sleep there if visiting!


----------



## beth37 (Jul 14, 2007)

i chose 2-3 because our DS is 2 ans still sleeping with us...We plan on having him in bed with us until he tells us that he's ready for his own bed, then he'll be in our room on his own bed.


----------



## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ann_of_loxley* 

I think if we are honest about humans - needs and nature...no one ever really wants to be sleeping _alone_ (unless of course your husband is anything like mine







lol)...Especially in a close connected family, I am pretty sure we all have the on and off need for that kind of close connectedness (and during a busy day, sometimes in our sleep is the only way we can wind down together and get that close connection back again) and it can only help for our children to know that that will always be open for them. ...even at 13 if that is the case! hehe

'Co-sleeping' is almost taboo in our society!... Not only do I sometimes (and I never feel the need really, I just like a good argument







lol) find myself justifying why I do co sleep...but I almost always also add that most children stop co sleeping by such and such age. (you know...so its okay, because they wont always be in our bed right?) (sort of almost inadvertantly saying that, yeah its okay now but its not really acceptable to have a 4+ year old in your bed, but thats okay because they won't still be there then)... But I guess that doesn't really help either. I mean...its not keeping true to our human needs and nature to even deny the fact that yeah, sometimes they come back and that really its a very good thing for them to know that they can!










makes perfect sense to me! Thanks for your thoughts


----------



## lurable (Jul 23, 2006)

I chose "other" because I didn't read the instructions properly







and wanted to say that out dd's will co-sleep as long as and whenever they want. But...I should have chosen 3-4 because that is how old our oldest is.


----------



## shooflymama (May 23, 2005)

We started moving each of the boys to their own big boy bed in the room next to ours when they were about 18-20 months old. A cousin whose boys both co-slept suggested that age, as she said it had worked really well for them. And it worked really well for us, too - for whatever reason, that seemed to be a good window. It was an easy transition for the boys, though we did take it slowly (maybe over the course of a month with DS1, and I can't remember for DS2







).

Now, they both start out in their own rooms, and come over sometime in the night. DS1 usually comes over earlier (but he snuggles in next to us so quietly that we're not really sure when) than DS2, who usually comes over around 5:00 or 5:15.


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 
Ruthla, vote for the age they were when they outgrew the need to cosleep full time. If you are roomsharing due to space issues, but they would be perfectly comfortable sleeping in a separate room, then they've outgrown the need.

Ok, i voted "1-2" for DD2 and "2-3" for DD1, as that's the ages they were when I first moved both of them out of my bed and into the bedroom next to mine. They joined me in the middle of the night, most nights, for quite a while after that, and even moved back in full time for a few months during a stressful period.

Then I voted "4-5" for DS. He coslept from birth until a few months after weaning.


----------



## Lula's Mom (Oct 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 

My own dd has done that a few times, and now, at late 7, is very much needing to cosleep full time. At this stage, she doesn't (won't, can't) sleep in her own room at all, not even for a minute. I was wondering if there was a common-ish age where "late" kids grow out of this need, but so far it looks like almost everyone is out by 7ish









I don't know, I think your poll probably skews younger than the reality just because the instructions asked people to also answer for toddlers who are still cosleeping with no end in sight.

My daughter is 7, and still needs to be in with us. She sleeps on a mass of cushy things on the floor. Ds (4) is here too, usually on his own bed until close to morning. We're fine with it. If she wanted to sleep in her own room (she does have one) that would also be fine, but truthfully I kind of enjoy the family bedroom. Hey, at least they won't be kidnapped from their beds, or trapped away from me in a fire! The firemen say it's the safest way to sleep.


----------



## earthus76 (Nov 2, 2005)

My dd moved out when she was 3 ... but she's been back for the past year (she is 8) ever since dd2 was born Sept. 07. I get a lot of criticism for her being in our room and I didn't handle her needs very well in the beginning, but I've made peace with it and enjoy it, even.


----------



## lafemmedesfemmes (Nov 16, 2003)

shortly after ds1 turned two, we moved into an apartment that had enough space that we could set up his own bedroom. he started napping in there in the afternoons (rather than wherever he fell over, as he did up until that point







), but we never insisted that he slept there at night. one night when he was around 2.5, he shocked the heck out of me by asking if he could sleep the night his "little bed", and i hardly slept at all until he woke up about halfway through and came back to bed with me. the next time he asked to do it was several weeks later.

now, at four years old, he'll start the night in his own bed about half the time, and about half of those nights, he'll get up and join me about halfway through the night. the pace of his changing preferences works for me!









ds2, who is still nursing at night at 19 months old, still co-sleeps full time. i'm about -> <- this close to nightweaning, though. toddler gymnastics all night long is no fun.

christina


----------



## kaireece (Dec 21, 2007)

I voted age 4-5. My son will be five in april and still co-sleeps. My toddler sleeps on his own!

My eldest has informed us that he will be co-sleeping until he is 10







:


----------



## luv2bmommy2*2 (Jan 26, 2007)

My dd is 4 and my ds is 19 months and are sleeping with us. Each of them had their own rooms. I decided to put both beds in one room and make the other into a playroom since I felt like we weren't utilizing our space well. My mom coslept with my sisters and I when we were young. When I got pregnant with my daughter I wanted a nursery with a beautiful crib. My mom told me in a nice way that it wouldn't be used...and low and behold my mother was right. I was always more comfortable with holding my babies when they were sleep. I never even got out the crib when my son was born. About a year ago we went to a friend's house and my daughter innocently asked why my friend put her baby in a "cage" and why she just didnt hold her and that babies want to be held alot because thats how they talk







. I love cosleeping and my husband at first was skeptical but know I now he loves it too. We like knowing that they are safe and secure with their parents...where they should be.


----------



## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

I hope I don't throw off your poll because my babes are still co sleeping. I voted for the 2-3 year range and the 3-4 year range because that is how old they are now.

I anticipate they will be co sleeping for a long time to come. I'm certainly not going to kick them out!


----------



## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

my youngest just got her own bed. (*sniff*) She's 4.5. She was sleeping in her sisters bed (6 yo) before, but still comes into my bed during the night. I co-slept with them full time up until they were 3 and 4 1/2, when we got their bed.


----------



## kittyhead (Oct 28, 2005)

my 2.5 year old got his own bed some time inbetween 1.5 and 2. he willingly starts out the night there (its shaped like a fire engine, with thomas sheets!) and then comes to our bed sometime in the early morning. so he still cosleeps, but not full time.


----------



## MamaFern (Dec 13, 2003)

my oldest co-slept full time with me till his sister was born then all of a sudden he was "too big!" he was 3 and a few months.. my daughter is 3 and has had her own bed a while now, since her baby sister was born in january of last year. it was more my choice than hers..she was just 2 but i really felt like i needed the space. my baby is still full time co-sleeping.she will be 1 in a few weeks.
that said...most nights my 3 year old falls asleep in her bed happily, but climbs in with me sometime in the night. same with my son, though its less regularity. its not uncommon for us all to be in my big bed. i love it, but i admit i wake up kind of sore and tired!


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lula's Mom* 
I don't know, I think your poll probably skews younger than the reality just because the instructions asked people to also answer for toddlers who are still cosleeping with no end in sight.

Yes, I imagine many at the younger end will continue cosleeping for a few years. But there is a conspicuous drop-off at the 7 year mark, nonetheless.....

Maybe most of the respondents simply have children 7 or younger?

I *definitely* appreciate the safety benefits of cosleeping. I sleep soundly knowing that my dc are at arm's length, that is for sure.


----------



## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaFern* 
its not uncommon for us all to be in my big bed. i love it, but i admit i wake up kind of sore and tired!

Yah.. my kids always want me to put my arm around them, and I get pretty sore doing that for hours on end!


----------



## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I moved all my kids out of full-time cosleeping at about a year, give or take a few months. Well, DD1 was 15 months, and DS was 13 months, and DD2 was about 10 months. I moved DD1 because nobody was sleeping well. The twins were sleeping fine and would have stayed much longer; I moved them because of my health problems.


----------



## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

My oldest co-slept until her sister was about four months old and then they both moved into their own beds.







At the time, she (my oldest) was almost three. I wanted to keep co-sleeping, but my youngest just did not sleep well at all when cuddled next to me and always (sadly) slept best in her crib. In the end I just gave up and put her there despite wanting to co-sleep because we both slept better separately. I kept her crib in my room, though, of course. I also had a bed in there for my oldest, and she just kind of crept over there and was sleeping there until she was three, but didn't have her own room with her sister until later. Now they co-sleep with each other.







It's so cute.


----------



## urchin_grey (Sep 26, 2006)

DS is 3.5 and still co-sleeping. Usually with me in my room, but sometimes with his dad in his room for naps (my ex and I are roommates for the time being).


----------



## Tangled Hill (Jun 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 
Maybe most of the respondents simply have children 7 or younger?

This is my guess. Lots of parents with young children on Mothering. Not nearly as many with older kiddos.

Son is nearly eleven, and we still co-sleep. I'm sure he'll be wanting more privacy soon, so I'll savor it while I can.


----------



## emaye_to_2 (Jan 16, 2008)

At about 2.5 years we introduced DD to her bed (bottom bunk of brother's bunkbed). She still falls asleep in our bed sometimes and rarely, stays the whole night (turning 3 in a few weeks).

My DS co-slept halftime and slept in the crib in our room the other half until a little over age one. Then he went to his crib in his own room in a new house. He did not like it one bit. In hindsight I feel bad we didn't co-sleep with him longer.


----------



## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Ds was about 2.5 when he decided to move into his own room.


----------



## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Well dd1 stayed with us until she was 9 months old (not breastfed) and dd2 is still with us at 20 months (still breastfeeding).

I am kind of hoping that I can move her into her own bed in her sister's room somewhere between 2-3. I really, really would like my bed back.


----------



## teastaigh (Dec 17, 2001)

Our boys are ages 12 and 8. They've slept with us since birth -- same bed, big huge King+Twin bed together now.

They've always also had their own rooms and use those to store clothes, store special treasures, and play in.

Gosh, it feels good to admit this out loud.









peace,
teastaigh


----------



## teastaigh (Dec 17, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tangled Hill* 
This is my guess. Lots of parents with young children on Mothering. Not nearly as many with older kiddos.

Son is nearly eleven, and we still co-sleep. I'm sure he'll be wanting more privacy soon, so I'll savor it while I can.










I'm with you.







I've just noticed that my son, who is recently 12, is now sometimes covering up a bit rather than blithely zooming around naked like his younger brother and dad. None of them are yet self-conscious or privacy-concerned enough to give a hoot about when I might be undressed. I figure that the self awareness will come when it's natural for each child. While I'll miss the cosleeping someday, it will be nice to have some alone time while dressing and also with my husband.

peace,
teastaigh


----------



## Thandiwe (May 14, 2007)

I said 3-4, but I'm finding it's not a constant thing. My three and a half year old was completed sleeping on his own in his bed until the past week. Now he's coming into our bed every night once we're asleep. I think this will be a phase and he'll once again be back in his bed, but I'm cool with it. Only problem is there's five of us in a full sized bed: me and dh, a 7 mos old, a 15 mos old, and a 3.5 y.o. We're cramped. We just got our W2's, so we're going to take a chunk of our tax money and buy the largest king sized bed we can find!


----------



## bbsc (Dec 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ann_of_loxley* 
(in general - not aimed at you personally! lol - But I quote you as I think it fits hehe)

I am pretty confident that DS will no longer want to be sleeping with me in the 'family' bed when he is 18 years old! hehe







... Of course, by that time, it will be because he is too busy sleeping in someone elses bed I am sure! lol

I think if we are honest about humans - needs and nature...no one ever really wants to be sleeping _alone_ (unless of course your husband is anything like mine







lol)...Especially in a close connected family, I am pretty sure we all have the on and off need for that kind of close connectedness (and during a busy day, sometimes in our sleep is the only way we can wind down together and get that close connection back again) and it can only help for our children to know that that will always be open for them. ...even at 13 if that is the case! hehe

'Co-sleeping' is almost taboo in our society!... Not only do I sometimes (and I never feel the need really, I just like a good argument







lol) find myself justifying why I do co sleep...but I almost always also add that most children stop co sleeping by such and such age. (you know...so its okay, because they wont always be in our bed right?) (sort of almost inadvertantly saying that, yeah its okay now but its not really acceptable to have a 4+ year old in your bed, but thats okay because they won't still be there then)... But I guess that doesn't really help either. I mean...its not keeping true to our human needs and nature to even deny the fact that yeah, sometimes they come back and that really its a very good thing for them to know that they can!









I must be a bit of an oddball on this, because I prefer to sleep alone. I am looking forward to when my four year old is ready for his own bed.


----------

