# Some woman accused me of abusing my kid today...



## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

...and I feel terribly attacked, especially because I don't think I did anything wrong. Maybe I need a reality check, though. Would you please listen to what happened, and tell me if you would have done anything differently?

I was exiting the preschool where DD1 attends. I had DS in my arms, DD1 beside me, and DD2 walking ahead of me. They're used to this routine. I park by the little school playground, and they usually stand on the patch of grass beside the playground, while I load one child at a time into my truck.

Anyway, as we're walking out, DD2 makes a break for it, and runs straight for the parking lot. Anyway, I was too far back to catch her, so I hollered (loudly, I must admit, and with a lot of fear in my voice, but I didn't SCREAM or anything) "RACHEL, STOP, NO!" I was very sharp and very loud but like I said I didn't SCREAM.

DD2 stopped in her tracks, turned around and stared at me with big eyes, and then burst into tears. I've only raised my voice with her once or twice before, so it got her attention instantly.

I put DS down in the grass, told DD1 sternly to hold his hand, and snatched DD2 up, held her eye-to-eye with me, and said very firmly and loudly, "no street, danger, no no no." She cried, and I held her a minute and told her gently that I was scared, that she scared me, and that I loved her, etc., until she was calm, and then I went back to our carseat loading routine.

Wouldn't you know, some idiot mother of a child we don't know came up to me as I was buckling DS in, and started going off on me about what a shame it was that I felt like I needed to be so harsh on my kids, that they're just babies and it's "pretty close to abusive" for me to be yelling at them, since don't you know they don't understand punishment at that age, and "look at how she's crying," and then topped it off with maybe I needed to be "less wound up" and I should "switch to decaf," which I assume was a comment about me being excessively "wound up" or something.

I just don't get it. I don't see how what I did was so terribly wrong. Where's the punishment? Am I supposed to be laid-back about a toddler running into a busy parking lot? I can see that it would have been better had I been able to keep hold of her, but I feel like I did the best I could under the circumstances.

And now I'm all freaked out about going back there, and wondering if this woman is going to gossip about me to other parents, or report it to a director or something, and with only her word and mine to say what did or didn't happen.

Was I out of line, to yell like I did? Please tell me the truth.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

There is _*nothing wrong*_ with what you did. In fact, it could have possibly saved her life. If my child runs into the street, of course I'm going to scream "stop" at them. There may not be time to get to them and gently ask them to please stop running. I think screaming / yelling is perfectly fine (and a totally normal reaction) in these situations.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

First of all, I want to *thank you* for not allowing your child to run into the street! I get scared driving in parking lots because of the many parents that don't care.
You did nothing wrong! Raising your voice and mindless screaming are NOT the same thing. When I worked retail I saw a mother come in and mindlessly scream at her kids. What you did was totally different.
I don't know how old she is (but I would have if I'd read your signature the first time I posted), but children reach a certain age where their feelings are very sensitive. Not only that, but raising your voice (especially because you don't do it often) probably scared her too.
I can remember my mom telling me once (after a similar incident I believe) that she'd be more upset with me when I scared her than when I made her mad.


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## mama2toomany (Oct 17, 2005)

OMG that women was not only way out of line, but what planet does she live on?

Number one reading your post scared the crap out of me and I might have screamed in your situation out of panic! I think you handled it far better and way more gently then I would have.

Once a long time about my 6 yr old (at the time) ran into the parking lot of a target, I grabbed his arm and yanked him back just in time. If I wouldn't have he would have been struck by an SUV. It left bruises on him, to this day I am so glad I was that quick. I feel bad I left the bruises but damn, better a couple bruises then a very horrible accident, kwim?

That women was way out of line to you and I am sorry you had to hear any of the crap she had to spew.

Much love you to, you did a great job.


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## 2boyzmama (Jun 4, 2007)

I wonder if it wasn't the initial yelling, but the holding her at eye level while you spoke sternly to her that the other woman was concerned with? And I see that your youngest two are twins (or at least the same age), is she perhaps small for her age and could have been construed to be younger? Or could she have not witnessed the escape attempt and maybe only saw you holding and yelling at her? I'm grabbing at straws here...

Either way, I don't think you did anything wrong. I have often gotten face to face (very close) while speaking sternly in order to get a very important point across (usually involving safety). From what you described, you handled it very well by getting her out of danger quickly, then leaving a (hopefully) lasting impression that the street/parking lot is absolutely off limits.

I'm glad she was okay.


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## Pyrodjm (Jan 9, 2007)

If there is ever a time to raise your voice to your kids, it's when they are in danger or about to be.

That woman was way outta line.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pyrodjm* 
If there is ever a time to raise your voice to your kids, it's when they are in danger or about to be.

That woman was way outta line.

Agreed.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

You did EXACTLY what you HAD to do to potentially save your daughter's life. No further explanation to it.

eta: I just wanted to add that I think there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the fact that you scared your daughter. At her age, there really is no other way for her to understand the concept of danger.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

She was totally out of line. You did the right thing & weren't even remotely anywhere near being abusive.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

And this is exactly why we shouldn't go off at people about parenting--she came to the situation late, made a snap judgment, and ended up being a total UAV to a mom who had already had a hard time.










And I don't get where on earth she got the idea that you were punishing your dd. Stupid woman.


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## SquishyBuggles (Dec 19, 2008)

That mother was completely out of line. You did what was completely appropriate for the situation.


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## elizawill (Feb 11, 2007)

all i could think of ...is that mother is probably going to post on MDC tonight saying she saw a child being abused







. oh gosh, people kill me! you did NOTHING wrong! i probably would have SCREAMED like a crazy person at my kiddo. whatever it takes to keep my baby from being hit by a car!


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

You did the right thing. I had to do it once too around your daughters age actually. I can't imagine the alternative. Let her get hit by a car? That lady was just looking for a fight or something. Sounds like she might be the one that needs to switch to decaf.


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## kchara (Jan 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elizawill* 
all i could think of ...is that mother is probably going to post on MDC tonight saying she saw a child being abused







. oh gosh, people kill me! you did NOTHING wrong! i probably would have SCREAMED like a crazy person at my kiddo. whatever it takes to keep my baby from being hit by a car!

LOL I thought the exact same thing!!

No, OP, you weren't being in the least abusive. Abusive would've been yanking your DD's arm out of socket out of anger for you losing your cool. What you did was very controled, and still got the point across with no danger at all. Good job, mama!


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## ABmom (Mar 6, 2008)

You did NOTHING wrong. I would have done the same thing. I'd rather be misperceived as a mom who yells to stop her dc from being hit by car than a mom with one less child b/c I was too afraid to raise my voice.

I wouldn't worry about her gossiping to the other moms or reporting to the school. I'm sure your past, present and future actions witnessed by other moms will only make her claim baseless.


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## Blucactus (Nov 20, 2006)

Heh...I did this once with my toddler, SCREAMED at him to stop as he ran right into the middle of a parking lot--I grabbed his hand and walked with him after that and someone only heard me screaming, turned around and saw me right next to him and proceeded go into the grocery store at the same time as us and to glare at me in every isle, I'm sure, for what a horrible mother I was. *groan* I felt so awkward.


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## aprildawn (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elizawill* 
all i could think of ...is that mother is probably going to post on MDC tonight saying she saw a child being abused







. oh gosh,

I was going to say the same thing!!

OP -- you didn't do anything wrong. That other mom was out of line.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

That woman need to learn the *actual* definition of child abuse.







What you did was keep your daughter safe. Letting her run into the street would have been abusive, not stopping her from doing so. Sheesh. That lady needs to learn some boundaries. She was 100% wrong to come up to you and judge your. She had no business nor right to say anything at all to you.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

I have done almost exactly the same thing when my son walked into the road in front of our house. And yes, it's appropriate and not at all abusive.

It made an impression on him, because to this day when we ask him what happens if he goes into the road, he says "mommy scared!".


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

As everyone else has said - you did a great job. Your daughter hearing the fear in your voice will have a lasting impression that running into a parking lot/street is not safe.

If you are concerned about the other mom talk to the director. See if you can find out who she is and write her a note. Explain what had happened and then ask why she felt the need to accuse you of child abuse. Ask if she saw the whole thing and how she could construe your actions as anything but a protective and loving parent.

I'd really want to call her on her behavior (politely) and give her the opportunity to get the story straight if she did just happen to see part of the incident and not the whole thing.

I'm guessing if something like this happened at my DS's school our director would even be willing to sit down with both parents and talk it out.

Hugs to you. She should not have attacked you like that. I'm glad your daughter is safe!


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## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

What I find interesting in these situations is that b/c our children are so rarely yelled at, when we DO yell, they almost instantly stop and come back to us b/c they don't know what's going on. I had a similar incident happen at DS's school and the second I raised my voice, he knew something was wrong and stopped. Exactly what I wanted to happen.

That mom was totally out of line - geez.


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## ShineliketheSon (Aug 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kalisis* 
What I find interesting in these situations is that b/c our children are so rarely yelled at, when we DO yell, they almost instantly stop and come back to us b/c they don't know what's going on. I had a similar incident happen at DS's school and the second I raised my voice, he knew something was wrong and stopped. Exactly what I wanted to happen.

That mom was totally out of line - geez.

Agreed! The children who keep running or smile and keep doing what they know is wrong are the ones that get yelled at all the time showing the parents do not choose positive parenting and that they are just reacting to a normal situation. *This was NO normal situation and your daughter knew that by your voice!* Good job keeping your child safe.







I would agree maybe talking with that mother, but not to defend yourself, as you don't need to, just to see if she caught the whole thing or if it was just a misunderstanding on her part. Shame on her for saying it in the first place...how many times do I see kids getting yelled at, dragged or spanked and I hold my tounge as it is not considered child abuse and is the parents right to discipline how they choose, though I don't agree most of the time.


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## Love_My_Bubba (Jul 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amylcd* 
There is _*nothing wrong*_ with what you did. In fact, it could have possibly saved her life. If my child runs into the street, of course I'm going to scream "stop" at them. There may not be time to get to them and gently ask them to please stop running. I think screaming / yelling is perfectly fine (and a totally normal reaction) in these situations.









:


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pyrodjm* 
If there is ever a time to raise your voice to your kids, it's when they are in danger or about to be.

That woman was way outta line.

yep.

believe me, i have a 20 month old, and i know that in situations like this, "by any means necessary" is the operative phrase. good work, mama! you kept your baby safe!


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

You did nothing wrong at all.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pyrodjm* 
If there is ever a time to raise your voice to your kids, it's when they are in danger or about to be.

That woman was way outta line.









: Little ones move fast, you gotta do what you gotta do!


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## Lazy Gardens (Dec 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
Anyway, as we're walking out, DD2 makes a break for it, and runs straight for the parking lot. Anyway, I was too far back to catch her, so I hollered (loudly, I must admit, and with a lot of fear in my voice, but I didn't SCREAM or anything) "RACHEL, STOP, NO!" *I was very sharp and very loud* but like I said I didn't SCREAM.

DD2 stopped in her tracks, turned around and stared at me with big eyes, and then burst into tears. I've only raised my voice with her once or twice before, so it got her attention instantly.

That's "command voice", and it's a good thing to have. Ignore the busybody. You kept your child from dashing into a parking lot and that is what command voice is all about ... instant obedience when there is danger around.

And your story points out the good point of seldom yelling and seldom issuing direct orders. When you have to, you get instant results.

Would a toddler leash work? You'll get odd looks, but "leading strings" are a very old way of keeping track of toddlers.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

you did the right thing, I would have done the same. you handled it really wonderfully in the situation you were in. I almost never yell at my kids, but i dangerous situation I have to be loud, sharp, and firm to catch their attention. and they know "that tone means danger"


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## jeliphish (Jul 18, 2007)

Um I would have gone nuts on this woman. Yelling is what SHOULD happen when there is danger, it's human nature- hell even in the animal kingdom "yelling" is used to indicate danger. You do what you have to do to keep your children safe.


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## ClothManiacMama (Oct 8, 2008)

You handled it better than I do! My 3yo DS "forgets" the rules about parking lots all the time and I feel like I am telling him to stand still all the time. I have had people look at me like I'm some kind of maniac. There have 3 incidents when I have screamed at him to get away from moving cars. After each one I have held him and told him Mommy was scared and that he cannot walk away from me. He STILL walks away from me. He is going to be a fun one to raise...


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## bscal (Feb 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pyrodjm* 
If there is ever a time to raise your voice to your kids, it's when they are in danger or about to be.

That woman was way outta line.

I also agree.

I would talk to the preschool director as Cheshire mentioned. Partly because if this other mom goes to the director and reports it the director may call CPS about the whole thing. If you've been proactive and gone ahead and discussed this with the director then she/he doesn't have to wonder whether or not you are a child abuser. I also think that if your director is willing perhaps she/he could arrange a brief meeting with this other mom. If she has other young children as well you could be in the same preschool with her for several more years.

Beth


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Well I wound up going to see the director this morning, because I owed her money anyway







and it's okay. The woman didn't say anything to them, and they know exactly what happened now, and aren't concerned. So that part's all good. I just hope the woman doesn't blab to other parents, because I have enough of a reputation around that place anyway, although for much better reasons.









Thank you for validating what I guess I knew in my heart-- yelling was the right response, right then. I knew that, but you know how it shakes you when somebody starts in on you like that.

I've actually thought long and hard about toddler leashes, but DH is very much against them, and I have to respect that. And you're right-- if I yelled all the time, then yelling wouldn't get her attention when it really really needed to. Hearing that makes me feel like maybe I'm doing something right after all.

So thank you.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Wow-I would have lost it on the woman for sure!!!! What you did saved your kid's life!!!!! Some people just take stuff way too personally sometimes. I have a very stern and loud voice, not to mention my voice is fairly low for a woman, so when I have to resort to raising my voice, sometimes it DOES scare the kids-but in a situation where they are running into the street and I NEED to use it, I don't care how scared they are because I'd rather have my kid be scared than be DEAD.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

I'd ignore what she said & move on. If you hadn't yelled at her & your child had been hit by a vehicle this mother probably would have said it was abuse then too.

A 3yo was killed in a parking lot here last year, you did nothing wrong.


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## aprildawn (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
Well I wound up going to see the director this morning, because I owed her money anyway







and it's okay. The woman didn't say anything to them, and they know exactly what happened now, and aren't concerned. So that part's all good. I just hope the woman doesn't blab to other parents, because I have enough of a reputation around that place anyway, although for much better reasons.









Thank you for validating what I guess I knew in my heart-- yelling was the right response, right then. I knew that, but you know how it shakes you when somebody starts in on you like that.

I've actually thought long and hard about toddler leashes, but DH is very much against them, and I have to respect that. And you're right-- if I yelled all the time, then yelling wouldn't get her attention when it really really needed to. Hearing that makes me feel like maybe I'm doing something right after all.

So thank you.

glad it worked out alright.


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## graciebell (Feb 29, 2008)

You were not in the wrong, she was! Yelling at your child in the hall is one thing, but yelling to protect her is another.

I hope that you can avoid this woman. I wonder how she feels when other women try and parent her children like she seems so apt to do?


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

That woman sounds like she is way off base. It sounds like you reacted from instinct when your child was going into a danger spot and that is what mothers who love and care about their children do. It should have been obvious to the woman that your child wasn't used to being yelled at because she cried. That woman should be worrying about herself if she can't understand reacting from instinct in a danger situation.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Wow. If that's abuse, I'm in trouble.









My 3 yo is usually in his own little world. Juggling 3 little ones, there are times when I don't grab his hand soon enough and he goes jogging out into a parking lot or street. You bet I raise my voice. It is the *only* way to get his attention before he gets flattened by some unsuspecting motorist. And yes, I follow it up with a stern reminder that cars are big and fast and dangerours and he needs to stay with me in order to be safe.

I'm trying to imagine the effect of a sweet, quiet, gentle "Sweetie, I need you to choose to come back to me....darling...Oh, honey...come along now".









Uh-uh. He literally wouldn't even hear me.

Needless to say, I think that woman was completely off.


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## Cekimon (Feb 3, 2008)

wow i'm sorry you had to have a lady get into your business like that. you did nothing wrong - i think you handled it just right... probably better than i would have handled it!!

I would just stick to attending this pre school if you like it otherwise and let people judge you based on their own interactions with you. if they don't like you because of this lady's gossip then you probably don't want that person for a friend anyway.


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## homewithtwinsmama (Jan 5, 2005)

Wow, I think you handled a very dangerous situation perfectly. I would have probably cussed her out and told her to mind her own business.


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## homewithtwinsmama (Jan 5, 2005)

I've actually thought long and hard about toddler leashes, but DH is very much against them, and I have to respect that.

I disagree. My husband also had that opinion but he NEVER went out alone with our twins at that age. I always was the one taking them out and therefore the decision about how to keep them safe was mine. Now mine didn't like to be tethered so teaching them not to run off suddenly got very easy and we dispensed with the tethers pretty quickly.


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## phreedom (Apr 19, 2007)

I think too many people confuse "gentle discipline" with "no discipline". It's okay for children to learn boundaries, consequences, and respect for certain rules _especially_ in regards to safety. The NEED to. And sometimes they cry and get mad no matter what you do. My daughter has a fit if I gently remind her to go potty while playing. Safety is one area I don't compromise. If my using a stern voice or making her ride in the shopping cart (after repeatedly telling her to stay with me) pisses her off then I'm sorry, but generally she gets the point after that.

To me the goal of GD is not that my child never cries or experiences disappointment of any kind. I don't go out of my way to make her cry or teach her harsh lessons. The goal of GD is that my child respects rules, things and people because it's the right thing to do. Not because she is driven by fear or some sort of reward. I think you did fine. And really that is one of those situations where you almost can't win. Some person is either going to think you're to harsh or someone is going to think you weren't harsh enough. Just brush it off.


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
And this is exactly why we shouldn't go off at people about parenting--she came to the situation late, made a snap judgment, and ended up being a total UAV to a mom who had already had a hard time.

This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading the OP ... thought I better read through before replying it in case it was already mentioned









OP - I don't think there is anything wrong with how you handled things.


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## N8'sMom (Jun 25, 2007)

All I can say is that woman has some nerve.......geez


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

You did nothing wrong. So your child cried over you yelling at her to stop before she hit the road. She will get over it. You were not being mean. You did what you could with the circumstances. No abuse.

The other woman has a lot of nerve to come up to a total stranger and lecture them. In this day and age, especially. She also needs to mind her own business.

I wouldn't sweat it and I would absolutely tell the woman, if you see her again, that she needs to get the whole story before she goes off on a tangent. Perhaps Miss Perfect needs to switch to decaf and get a lesson on minding one's own business.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *homewithtwinsmama* 
I've actually thought long and hard about toddler leashes, but DH is very much against them, and I have to respect that.

I disagree. My husband also had that opinion but he NEVER went out alone with our twins at that age. I always was the one taking them out and therefore the decision about how to keep them safe was mine. Now mine didn't like to be tethered so teaching them not to run off suddenly got very easy and we dispensed with the tethers pretty quickly.

I am with you. If it were me, I would be using tethers so fast your head would spin, regardless of what my DH thought. Normally, I would not disregard his opinions. But, if he was not the one dealing with running toddlers, he would not have the final say in that decision, IMHO.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Just think how much differently you would've felt about it if she had said "Wow it's really scary when they run like that, isn't it?" (You know, if she said anything at all.)


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## 2pinks (Dec 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pyrodjm* 
If there is ever a time to raise your voice to your kids, it's when they are in danger or about to be.

That woman was way outta line.


Agree here too.


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## Mom2Ian (Feb 7, 2008)

I would have done the exact same thing


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## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

Wow! Me yelling at DS in an emergency (safety, etc.) would scare him but honestly some nut attacking me would probably scare him even more... What a nerve! Sorry you ahd to experience that.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

The fact that you didn't yell at this woman attests to the fact that you are not too "wound up." If anything, SHE sounds like she was having a bad day or something. That was incredibly rude of her.

I think kids running in streets is the time to let them hear some fear and volume in our voices. What PPs have said is exactly right; our kids don't hear a tone like that often, so they know to pay attention. Heck, my mom yelled at me once (recently) when I was going to step on a lizard out on a hike-- none of us wanted squished lizard, and it was totally approriate. It wasn't abusive or toxic. Same thing for your and your kids in the street.


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## Hopeful VBA2C (Dec 30, 2008)

No you did nothing wrong. Goodness if they think you were harse they should come meet me. My son loves to run away from me but he also has PDD ( autism) so I can never get though to him. But I seem to raise my voice all them time. I try to save it for serious harmful situations. I try all the time to think before I yell, but sometimes it just doesn't work that way. I would have giving her an earful. letting her know to mind her own. but that is my opinon and please to feel ashamed about wanted to protech your children and reacting to your fear that something was going to happen.


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## Still_Learning (Jan 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShineliketheSon* 
Agreed! The children who keep running or smile and keep doing what they know is wrong are the ones that get yelled at all the time showing the parents do not choose positive parenting and that they are just reacting to a normal situation.

Have to disagree with this. I have only yelled at DS a few times in his life, he's 4.5. He thinks it's hysterically funny when I do and tried to do what he was doing faster.

Not the norm, but I'd hate for you to see me yell at him for running into traffic and think I must scream at him constantly when he doesn't stop in his tracks.


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## Jackpackbaby (Oct 9, 2006)

Oh brother. I scream at my kids all the time if they do something dangerous. I think the shock value is most important at this age. You can't really reason with a baby KWIM? Tell her to mind her own next time.


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## fhqwhgads (Oct 30, 2007)

I have to raise my voice and even yell with my DD often - not because I'm mad or have anger issues, but because she is one of those danger-seeking kids who like climb the railing on the stairs or jump off the back of the couch onto the hard tile floor (like..belly flopping pose. man that kid....) or a whole host of other impending-doom type activities. It's gotten to the point where she goes deaf to me when she's about to leap from the top of the 6 foot jungle gym (she's 3 for crying out loud!), so I've learned to be insanely quick. At least she keeps it to daredevil activities where I can stop her, catch her, or otherwise prevent injury and then show her my "not amused" face and voice. She knows the big dangers like cars, fire, and running away from me in the store, thank goodness, and does not press her luck with those ones.

Fortunately for me, she has never bolted into a parking lot so fast that I couldn't catch her. I would most CERTAINLY use my scariest mommy-voice should that ever happen. You were completely correct in what you did.


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## chanibell (Sep 25, 2002)

My aunt told me a similar story a few months ago when I was asking for her advice on how to get my ds to listen to me and your story mirrors the one she told me. A friend of her's child was about to run into the street and the mother yelled a loud "NO" and it very well did save that child's life. Hearing his mother's voice stopped him in his tracks, so what you did was the same thing. You were preventing something that could have ended badly and it was to save your child's life.

My son does this ( not as much anymore)but I still have to tell him "STOP!" No one has ever come up to me to chastise me for telling him this.

You did the right thing and were not acting inappropriately.

If that woman came up to my face like that...... ( I wish there was an icon on here for a "oh no she didn't")


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## Symbi (Jul 19, 2008)

From the scenario you describe, I would say you are an amazing mom. You needed to keep your child safe, which is what you did!
The woman was completely out of line and had no right to say what she did to you.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *homewithtwinsmama* 

I disagree. My husband also had that opinion but he NEVER went out alone with our twins at that age. I always was the one taking them out and therefore the decision about how to keep them safe was mine.

That's the thing, though. I work part-time, and my kids are with DH while I'm working. He's equally likely to be the one taking them out. So it's different for us. It's very rare the man takes a stand on ANYTHING, and this he feels very strongly about, with reasons that are important to him, so I feel like I have to respect his feelings.


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## LenasMommy (Apr 16, 2007)

You did absolutely nothing wrong. When your child is in danger, you need to yell in order to get their attention. Had you not, something could have gone terribly wrong. The woman that approached you had no clue what she was talking about. It is natural and necessary to act the way you did. You were protecting your child!


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I would have asked her what she would have done in the situation... Honestly you did the right thing. Raising your voice because the child is in danger and raising it out of anger are two different things. You did what you had to in order to keep your child safe.


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

I think what you did was fine. I'd rather my child be startled and stop, then keep going and be hit by a car.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

My cousin's wife was 9 months pregnant when her 4.5 yo son ran out into the road not listening to her shouting stop, he was knocked down by a car and spent months in traction for his legs and back - that's what happens when they don't listen albeit his was older than your lo kids don't have a full concept of danger until around the age of 6/7 even then I'm not sure that it's accurate! So I think you did the best thing possible and all your kids learnt a valuable lesson today in that to hear the fear in your voice when you shouted out is something not to be messed with, its a very raw emotion and will stay in their memories for a long time to come - in this case you absolutely protected your child in danger and also all three from future possibilities of danger. - well done you!!


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## K&JsMaMa (May 26, 2002)

It sounds like you handled it fine and that woman needed a firm stfu.


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## Ligeia (Jul 24, 2006)

I know this has all been said already but just to reiterate...The fact that raising your voice like that has such an effect on your child is an awesome sign! You obviously only use that tool when absolutely necessary and it very well might have saved her life. It sounds like you're a wonderful mother.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

My GD mom screamed at the top of her lungs the other day. It even stopped me in my tracks, lol, took me a second to realize it was her.

The whole family was mini-golfing at the Incredible Pizza place. My youngest brother (5yo) was running through the turnstile. I don't know if anyone has seen these? Basically like the turning doors, only one side goes into a criss-cross of metal bars. (Um, think final destination via being cheesegrated through these locking bars. I don't know how this pizza place hasn't been sued).

So my brother and my sister are fighting over who gets to go through this contraption first. My sister wins the argument, but my brother jumps in with her. He keeps pushing past the opening and is basically about to be grated into kid-cheese. The only reason he didn't end up going to the hospital that day is b/c my mom screamed and he froze. LOL we still had to get an employee to unlock it and get him out.

The whole crowd of people turned and stared at her, but you know what, I highly doubt she cared. All that mattered at the time was the safety of her child.


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## Wugmama (Feb 10, 2005)

Are you kidding me? You did exactly the right thing. In this culture, for the parents who don't spank "except", running into the street is the #1 exception that gets listed. It is serious, obviously, as can be fatal. You conveyed the seriousness of it to your child. In no way were you abusive. That other mother was completely out of line. You weren't trying to upset your child. That is crazy that she would approach you like that.









Tracy


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## Lovin' It (Jun 7, 2006)

I agree with everyone that you did the right thing. The safety of our children is paramount.

However, I don't agree with those who said that the woman should have minded her own business. I completely agree that she handled things in the very worst way, though. But if more people would say something when they felt a child was being abused maybe there would be less actual abuse happening. I saw a woman in the mall smack her young child twice (back and head) from a distance and by the time I got near they had disappeared. There was plenty of people standing by watching it all go on.

The woman who attacked you could have easily just have walked up and asked if everything was okay instead of jumping to the worst conclusion. She might have actually had a productive conversation with you and realized that you did nothing abusive. It's interesting that she did to you (overreacted) what she accused you of doing. Maybe the decaf comment was projection.


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