# Okay, now he only wants me to hold him all night long....this is getting ridiculous



## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

You know, I can't even talk about our sleep situation anymore around people because it is embarrassing.

My 8.5 month old was actually a pretty good sleeper up until about 5 months old. Only waking a couple times, sleeping well in his cosleeper. Since about 5 months, he has been waking a lot more. No problem, we just nursed more, did what needed to be done to keep him sleeping. Gradually, it morphed into one of us holding him through portions of the night. I kept on waiting for it to improve, but now it's morphed into only wanting to be held by me all night. He will sleep in his cosleeper maybe for 45 minutes total and then I have to start propping pillows. He doesn't even want to nurse much really.

This situation is becoming unacceptable. I can't lay him down next to me because he will wake up crying and thrashing. He ONLY wants to be held across my lap. He's getting heavy, for one thing. For another, I don't sleep well at all anymore. Last night I fell asleep at around 4am.

I don't know what to do and it's starting to make me really angry. I'm trying to meet his needs and he's just taking the inch and walking a mile. It's one thing to protest having a baby in bed with you....I would be all for that if I could just LAY DOWN. But it's moved beyond even that.

So....help me, please!


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## Shazer (Oct 6, 2006)

I'm so sorry. You must be exhausted.

I'm sure you've tried this, but can you lay down with him stretched out on you? That worked a few times for my daughter.


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

I'm pretty sure it's just a phase but I'm sure that doesn't help your peace of mind any... No real advice as I haven't been there... But sympathy nontheless. It's so hard to not be able to get sleep and comfy sleep at that!


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

sorry to hear you're not sleeping.
It's good to always step back and remember, he's just a baby. He's not trying to keep you up, he's not trying to take advantage of you, he is just asking for what he needs.
Do you do any baby wearing? I know you said he's getting heavy, but a big up on baby wearing (a few hours a day) can make a big difference in nightime sleeping for some babies.
Is there a way to make you both comfortable? Maybe stretching him out on your torso while you lay on your back or wrapping your arms around him if you're on your side....?
Try not to be embarrased. Most other people in your situation would let their baby scream alone in his crib. They are the ones who should be embarassed! You're doing everything you can for your baby, and that is great.
Sorry I don't have any better suggestions for you.... remember
this too will pass!!


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

I did a modified "lay down" last night. I managed to shift him so I was holding him with one arm, his head on my upper arm/chest, and his legs bent over my tummy. He was propped up by the boppy so my arm was just resting around him really. It was okay, except I still didn't sleep. I need to move to sleep and sleep best on my tummy. Sucks to be me. Also, his head was cutting off my arm circulation. Plus, it gets HOT. He gets sweaty. I have no idea why he finds this at all comfortable.

I'm sure it's just a phase because I know he won't be doing this as a teen, for example. But what's annoying is how things are worsening, not improving. I'm just sick of it, and sometimes, sick of him. People need sleep. Sitting up all night, even if I do doze off, is NOT a restful sleep. I'm also having very vivid dreams when I do drift off which take on a nightmare quality. I never had this before. It's difficult not to feel resentful. And how are we ever supposed to have another? I know my husband is at the end of his rope and would rather just have one child than go through this again. Some nights, it's hard to disagree.

Yes, I do babywear. He's not a huge kid, only about 20 pounds, but 20 pounds across your stomach every night is not comfortable.


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## VaDoula (Jan 18, 2007)

I might get flamed for this but have you tried letting him sleep in the car seat next to the bed. I realize it is not the best situation but mine both had periods where they would only sleep sitting up with me holding them. I tried an Amby Bed and the baby would just end up in a heap and still didn't sleep well. Anyway, it is a phase and he will get through it. I would suggest waiting until he is very tired and strapping him in the seat like you are going to take a car ride. Then, you sit with him and gently rock the seat and sing or whatever it takes until his little eyes finally close and you get to sleep by yourself for a little while at least. It worked for me and gave me a little break at night. Of course, this is a method you don't want to over use but I think it would be worth a try.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

How is he napping during the day? 2 or 3 naps? You may need to cut it down to two naps, if you haven't already, and really tire him out before bed.

My now 11 mo DD has always been a cruddy sleeper, but around that age she started to shift toward two distinct naps each day.

Is he teething? Is he having stomach issues with an intrduction of solids (presumably)? Ear infection? Rule out medical stuff just to be on the same side.


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
How is he napping during the day? 2 or 3 naps? You may need to cut it down to two naps, if you haven't already, and really tire him out before bed.

My now 11 mo DD has always been a cruddy sleeper, but around that age she started to shift toward two distinct naps each day.

Is he teething? Is he having stomach issues with an intrduction of solids (presumably)? Ear infection? Rule out medical stuff just to be on the same side.


He's down to two naps a day. Sometimes one, because he has really fought sleep lately. Actually, they have been cruddy as of the last week. He's teething, yes, but he's in that drooling phase where who knows when you will see a tooth pop out. He has his two bottom teeth. He's been teething since 5 months, or at least that's the excuse I've made.

I haven't had him checked for ear infection, but it isn't a bad idea because he does grab his ears a lot. The thing is, I always chalked that up to teething. Plus, he's perfectly content to sleep on me, and if he was in pain, I doubt he would settle down so quickly. The minute he's placed in my arms (my husband vainly tries to take him for a few hours but it usually doesn't last very long before the thrashing and crying starts) he settles right down. Without even nursing!

He may have stomach issues but it's not terribly noticeable. I'd just be guessing there. We haven't noticed too much gas and nothing out of the ordinary. But it could be. He didn't really start eating solids until 8 months though, and he's been on this steady sleep decline for much longer than a couple weeks.

If it was something like an ear infection though....what would I do? The latest stuff says wait it out and don't jump to use antibiotics. I doubt it is an ear infection, but I can't think of what I would do. Tylenol? We've only used it very sparingly and I have to say I don't know if it actually works.

Is there anything I can do for myself to help myself sleep better? Because even when he is quietly sleeping, I lay awake. I can't just drift off and when I do, he usually just wakes up. My mom suffers from insomnia and I think I'm headed down that path.


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## Decca (Mar 14, 2006)

This might be totally nuts to suggest for an 8 month old, but do you think it would work if you swaddled him? I think the carseat idea is worth a try as well.


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Decca* 
This might be totally nuts to suggest for an 8 month old, but do you think it would work if you swaddled him? I think the carseat idea is worth a try as well.

It isn't nuts. He starts off the night swaddled still. Except for tonight where we put him on his belly. I think he doesn't like being on his back. He likes to feel something pressed up against him. That's why I'm puzzled he isn't a better tummy sleeper. He usually will raise his head and start crying when he is on his tummy (after the requisite 45 or so minutes).

I can't do the carseat idea because when our carseat was installed, it was installed to stay...a Britax Boulevard. The guys who installed it do such an awesome job and I don't ever want to move it. Also, I'm not sure it would work...the incline is good, but he'd be on his back. He's never slept for very long in his carseat anyway....about 45 minutes at a time.

To think when he was 3 months old we were getting chunks of sleep like from 9pm to 3 or 4am. What the heck happened?


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I think I've read that that commonly happens - "good" sleepers go "bad" at some point. It's just a phase, and you'll all work through it, right?

My DD is a side sleeper. She always has been. At first, when she was little tiny, we didn't get that, and even if we had, we'd have been to scared to let her sleep on her side. But she just sleeps better that way. I'm a side sleeper, so it doesn't seem that strange to me.

As for yourself - drink plenty of water and get good, healthy food and exercise during the day. No TV in the bedroom. Turn any clocks in the room so you can't see them. Put a pad of paper and a pencil near the bed so you can write down anything you want to remember for the next day (Like, go pick up the dry cleaning, or whatever). Check out a book about yoga or relaxation from your local library - and learn to breate deeply, slowly and calmly, and release your muscles and tension.

Have you or baby seen a chirporactor?


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

We both see one. Me since the middle of my pregnancy, him since birth.

I need to figure out how to shut off my brain. Also, the weather is so darn hot sleeping is just uncomfortable under the best of circumstances. I hope my sleep improves in the winter.


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## madhavi (Jul 2, 2006)

when you're sleep deprived it actually makes it harder to sleep. when my dd was 7 months she went through 2 weeks of waking every 15-30 minutes to nurse and crying as well. by the end of it i had my dh stay awake and walk her or whatever while i had earplugs and tried to get some sleep my mom would watch her for a couple hours during the day so i could nap. it took a while for me to even sleep during those times. but eventually i was able to recover for a while. i would suggest reading 'the aware baby' by aletha j solter. you can search mdc for articles she has written as well. also, my ds at 5 months has been starting to wake up a lot more than before. i am getting less sleep too. it stinks and it's hard. one thing that has helped me is that every night before i go to sleep i tell myself to relax. i shut my eyes and just tell myself that in the morning i will feel refreshed and happy no matter how much/little sleep i get. and somehow it's been working. i'm still tired but in a much better mood and frame of mind.
i wish you luck on your journey through motherhood!
remember it won't last too long. just make sure you are getting the rest you need to be a sane, caring mother. in a short time you baby will be sleeping through the night with his friends!


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## Liquesce (Nov 4, 2006)

I know I'm fishing, but since you mentioned it a few times -- could it be the heat? I know logic would dictate that if he's hot he should want to be away from other warm bodies, but, well, babies aren't always logical. When it's hot my son will cry to be picked up and it's like being comforted by being held trumps getting even hotter for being held. Putting him in the path of a fan usually helps, maybe from the cool air and the white noise both.


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

Benton is also a snuggly sleeper. The only way we can get him to sleep in the day without him pressed up against us is to do the following: swaddle one blanket around his torso, a second around his legs, to try to keep him as snug-feeling as possible, tuck him into his crib (or our bed) with a weighted blanket on one side and a stuffed animal on the other, smooshed up against him like a person. My goal is to make a long, tube-like fabric thing full of rice to act like arms, so I can wrap them around him and free myself up.

Sorry you're not sleeping, you're right, you really do need it - describing your dreams that are happening sounds like you're starting to suffer from sleep deprivation, and that is bad news...I hope we can keep helping you! Post on posting with what's working and not, so we can keep suggesting things.


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

Well, last night I put him on his belly and he slept in his co-sleeper from 8-12 midnight. Then he woke to be nursed and actually let my husband hold him for a while (no idea how long...didn't look at the clock.) Then I held him for a while and then my husband took him again.

We tried to put him back down but he was very rolly and woke himself up rolling into our bed.

We do have a ceiling fan running, as well as a regular fan and also an air cleaner so we are all about white noise. Sometimes it's still not comfortable...I guess it's just August weather.

He only napped for an hour and 45 minutes yesterday...so he was quite tired, which might explain the good 4 hour stretch. That doesn't usually happen though...his night sleeping is usually not great if he hasn't napped. Not that it's been any good lately when he DOES nap.

eta: I do have The Aware Baby....maybe I'll reread the sleep chapter.


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## *Karen* (Jul 28, 2006)

I did the lay down modified holding baby all night from about 9 to 12 months. It SUCKED. No way around it. He wanted to be held with my nipple in his mouth. I was at my wits end when he finally started sleeping without touching me. I didn't want to make him independent or anything like that, but we HAD to get some sleep. He starts out in a crib now and makes it to out bed most nights, sometimes not. Things didn't really start to improve much until about 14 months. I feel your pain! But it will get better.


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## ~Shanna~ (Nov 17, 2005)

We've had some similar issues with DS needing constant [something] in order to sleep, especially with what you've described about not being able to sleep even when he is sleeping. We've had some luck with having DS sleep in his swing for part of the night. It doesn't always work and it never works for longer than a few hours, but it has kept me from too often getting in that angry and resentful place. I feel choked up reading your post because it sounds so familiar, and I know how hopeless it can feel. I'm still waiting for validation that it won't last forever......


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## milkmamma (Aug 20, 2007)

night time is the hardest time to parent, thankfully they get easier with time. My son went through a rough sleep phase. We had to break it by having daddy do bedtime. I would nurse him and then my DH would take him upstairs and lay him in the crib or lay in bed with him. Because it wasn't me it seemed to break the expectations that our baby had for the evening and it gave me a break so that when my DS woke up I was more ready to deal with him.

Sounds like your son wants YOU to hold him in your lap. What if your DH took over laying with him for a few night? He may cry for you at first but your DH will be there to comfort him so it's not like leaving him in his crib like a lot of non-AP parents would. Your DH should be willing to give a try...in my house a tired mommy is a grumpy mommy and when mommy is grumpy everyone is grumpy.

Also, if you can get him to finally lay in bed, I used to sleep on my belly with my DS sleeping next to me, we would be almost nose to nose because he would curl around me...see there is hope, he just needs to get out of this phase he is in.

sweet dreams, I hope


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

The ironic thing is that I thought we were doing pretty well with the "getting to sleep" routine. He doesn't need to be nursed down to sleep. Some nights he does, but other nights daddy walks around with him in the Ergo and it works just as well. It's getting him to stay asleep without being held after his first waking....that's the big issue.

I always hoped he would love his swing, but you know, just my luck it never caught on with him. According to my parents, I loved the swing and so did my brother and sister. Figures my child wouldn't!

My husband does try to put him back to sleep every night. Some nights are better, like last night. Usually though, he goes back to me so we can avoid a meltdown. When he cries, it goes through my head like a knife, especially at night. And not in the "poor baby" way, more in the "poor me" way. So my goal has always been keep him as peaceful as possible. Is that making things worse?


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## charmama (Jul 23, 2004)

I don't have much advice, just saying my dd has been this way too. Starting at about 4 or 5 months, she needed to be latched on to my boob the entire entire night. I too need to move around, sleep on my stomach, etc. I did finally work out a way to be sort of comfortable, she doesn't need to be on top of me though, just latched on. This has just started improving over the past week or two, she's 10 months now.

Is there a morning or two that dh can take him and you can sleep in for a few hours? I have never been able to really work this out, but perhaps it could help some.


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## lilsishomemade (Feb 12, 2005)

It seemed like when my babies started doing this (and they were excellent sleepers normally), they were getting ready to reach a new milestone. They'd be grumpy and sleep horribly, then *boom*, they'd start rolling over, or crawling, etc. Just some food for thought.


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## dandilion44 (Jul 10, 2007)

Sorry for your lack of sleep. Would he sleep on a large pillow if it were on your lap? Maybe then you could transfer the pillow off of you when he was asleep? Wishing you a restful night...


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

Hey, mamas. Still awake here. DH walking baby around. Tonight is not going to be a good night.

I think there is something physical to point to tonight though. He has not pooped in two days. I think he is a little constipated. He keeps thrashing around (way more than usual). NO more solids until he poops again.


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## prettypixels (Apr 13, 2006)

I don't know the answer. I just wanted to send you a hug and say that your son's sleeping issues are totally normal. I had a No Cry Sleep Solution support thread going and most of the mamas there had the same experience... decent sleep through about 5 months and then getting worse and worse. It really is a phase and a common one! Maybe it'll help you know you're not crazy and you're not alone in the middle of the night. We should start a "It's 4 am and I'm awake" support thread HA!


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## hammerwest60610 (Mar 18, 2007)

could you get a night nurse to come in overnight to hold him so you can catch up on some sleep? The nurse could just bring him in to you in a separate room to feed. You could rest assured that he is in good hands. He is and will be ok.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pandme* 
I think there is something physical to point to tonight though. He has not pooped in two days. I think he is a little constipated. He keeps thrashing around (way more than usual). NO more solids until he poops again.

How long has he been eating solid foods? Is there any correlation between when he started and when his sleep went down hill? My oldest was never an easy sleeper, but when he frist started solds - whhhhooo boy, that was bad! We had to take him completely off them for months, or no one in our house would have been sleeping.


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## momma_monkey (Mar 26, 2007)

I know you said you need to move around/lay on your stomach to sleep, this pillow/nursing pillow might help? I have one that DP bought for me to use as a body pillow. I used it to nurse my DS a few times, and as a support for me so I could rest and he could stay nursing. I love it as a body pillow and as a nursing pillow (if my DS wants to stay nursing for an extended time.) It is impossible to get out of though if you want to slip away while babe is sleeping









http://www.babyage.com/products/906x...ncy_pillow.htm


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## JenitaBonita (Dec 31, 2006)

I've had similar issues w/ my DS. Nighttime for me isn't nearly as rough as yours sounds, but DS doesn't nap unless I am holding him or have him propped up on my hip as I lay on my side. Nighttime he will lay down, but he wakes up to nurse a ton and is pretty much attached to the boob all night, so it makes it difficult for me to get comfortable. Also, nightime seems to have regressed for us lately, too. So, just want to let you know that I do have at least a glimpse of understanding of what you are going through!

With my DS, it really does seem to be digestion problems. He had to sleep on a wedge bed until he was about 6 mo. due to reflux, so part of it too may just be that he's used to sleeping propped up.

I don't have any quick solutions for you, but one though is that you may want to try taking your DS to a homeopath. With the level of sleep deprivation you are at, I'd say it's at least worth a shot!

Oh, and do you have anyone that can look after him in the day time, maybe for just an hour, so that you can take a nap???


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

Hey, guys, thanks so much for the support. And the link to that pillow....that's BRILLIANT. I'm so getting that...it would help, I know it!

Last night I held him for a good deal of the night, but he also went in his cosleeper for a few hours too, so that was good. I slept better because of the comfort level of the room. It was cooler and I felt clean and comfortable (I showered before bed). So I think working on my comfort is going to help me get the sleep I need....I can't make him sleep in his cosleeper for longer than he is going at this moment....so I need to deal with me.


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