# He did not remember...



## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Yesterday was one year.

Not one person in my life remembered this day except me.

Why did no one remember?

Why did my DH come home and not say a single word to me?

Why when I was in bed crying did he keep tormenting me to get up?

Why when I was in bed crying did he keep bringing me the phone to talk to ppl who were calling.

Why did he not just let me cry and have "my time"???

Why did I have to get in my car and drive to my friends house to sob like a baby.

Why is it my friend was the ONLY one who gave me any sort of support yesterday?

Why was my HUSBAND not there for me?


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## fek&fuzz (Jun 19, 2005)

:


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## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)




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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

I just wanted to add...

I did not EXPECT others in my life to 'remember' yesterday.. but I did expect my own damn husband to remember and do something.. even if that was just a.. sorry


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm so sorry--sometimes dh's just don't get it. As for others, I think you have to had your own loss to really understand why it is so important. Not making excuses, just offering from my experiences. I hope today has been better for you.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

I've not lost a child but I have know people have....I honestly never know what to say or do. There has been times I haven't said things because I feared of making it worse. He grieved your loss differently than you have/are. He could also be trying to be "strong" for you.

((((HUGS)))) I hope your day is better.


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## savannah smiles (May 4, 2004)




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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

ITA that DH's just don't get it. Your baby grew in your body, not his. To him, your child was an idea, but to you s/he was a person.

My Angel #1 only lived to ten weeks gestation, but I felt that she was a girl. Her name was Phoebe. I felt a definite personality, likes and dislikes, a soul that was completely different from any of her younger half-siblings. I had never known love or protectiveness like I felt for her. She was not a planned pregnancy, in fact she was a catastrophe in timing; neither me nor her father ever wanted to have children.

Her father and I broke up a few months later. I still feel a bond with him and cannot fathom that it is not and has never been mutual.

My name might ring a bell and he would laugh at the foolishness of his college days and how he strung along some "low class girl" to get some free p*ssy, but I seriously doubt if he even remembers that we once had a child together.

Tummy, your husband wasn't there for you because he is a man. My son is a man too. I have to remind him a week or so in advance that Mom is likely to be grumpy in the next few days because October 10 is coming up.

He knows what October 10 means and he knows that his oldest sister would have been twenty by now.

Please come here or find a place online where you can be with the many, many womyn in this world who know what August 24 means and when you're feeling better, maybe you can explain in very dispassionate terms that dh can understand what he can do to help you.


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## mccelticmom (Aug 6, 2006)

I am so sorry. I wish that I could hug you. I mean it!

I lost my first child. After the shock, after all it all was a surprise, we found out that I was miscarrying. I told my husband and you would have thought the whole world was lifted off his shoulders. He never mentioned it again. Men, well, just don't get it! It affected our relationship for years, but let me get to my point...don't let this affect your marriage, like I let it affect mine.

Please talk to your husband. Tell him what you are feeling. Tell him that he doesn't have to fix it, but just hug you and love you and be honest with him. Don't resent him, like I did my DH for years...all because I thought that he could get over it or didn't care. Please!

Sending cyber hugs to you!


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## *Devon* (Aug 9, 2004)




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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

I am so sorry, mama. My dh has not grieved the same way although he too is sad. When we talked about it, he said he doesn't keep track of the dates the same way that I do by marking how much time has gone by and I am not sure that he knows the exact date our daughter died unless he sits and thinks about it. I guess it is different for moms.







You are in my thoughts.


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## ILoveMySofie (May 28, 2005)

I know you must be hurting very badly and just wanted to say









i know there is no excuse for forgetting...and nothing could be said. but know there are people out there who dont know you and they feel your pain and are sending you energy so you may heal just a bit of your pain.


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## VikiL (Aug 20, 2006)

I have a unique situation in that I had twins. We have to remember my daughters birthday and subsequently my sons. I however make a point of reminding my husband when we have to go to the cemetary (for Mothers Day, not Fathers, that is his choice, Holidays, and the anniversary of when our son died.) I expect my husband to be there for me when I tell him to be there and not one second more.
Men just think different, especially because they did not carry your baby, but also because they grieve differently. They go right back to work to avoid feeling sad. They want you to not be sad, because then they are sad. If they could avoid all memory it would be easier, wherein lies the difference. Women do not avoid emoitional pain--men do. Talk to your husband, tell him he has to let you be sad when you need to and he has to be there when you tell him to, but do not expect him to initiate a discussion or to really get why you would want to be sad.
Hope this helps--so many marriages fail after the loss of an infant, if you really love each other, don't let yours be one.
Viki


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

I'm so sorry mama.

My first year is coming up too... November 1st.
I told DH _one month ago_ that he is to get that day off work, even if he has to take a sick day - no exceptions. I don't think I can handle being by myself with two kids on that day.


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