# Let your toddler touch a hot stove?!?



## ~Jenna~ (Dec 7, 2003)

I'm reading this book, The Aware Baby, and I'm at the chapter about conflicts. The author recommends using natural consequences, which I agree with, but then she suggests that you let your toddler touch the stove when it is hot so they will learn not to touch it again. Does this make sense to anyone? Am I missing something? I just can't see that this is a good idea. I plan on just babyproofing until my ds is old enough to really understand that the stove is hot. Am I just being naive? I don't think I could stand there and let my child touch a hot stove. Anyone else?


----------



## Trishy (Oct 15, 2002)

I always told ds the stove and oven are hot. He knows what hot is and would frequently tell me things were hot. One day I was getting something out of the oven and he rushed up and just had to touch it. He touched the rack that I had pulled out with his fingertip and got burnt.







I would never, ever consider letting him burn himself on purpose but short of tying him down while I got supper out of the oven there was nothing I could do to stop it.


----------



## sntm (Jan 1, 2004)

i think it is reasonable for things where the baby couldn't get seriously hurt, but a burn from a hot stove can be bad, so i wouldn't do it.

maybe a corollary could be to hold the baby and let him try to touch it and feel the heat from the stove but then hold his hand to prevent him from touching it?

we are having a similar discussion about our DS and our new (non-declawed) cat.


----------



## alsoSarah (Apr 29, 2002)

I let ds put his hand against the outside panel of the side of the oven while it was on. It gets pretty hot-- hot enough to be a bit uncomfortable to my hand, and very uncomfortable to his little toddler hand, but it wouldn't really burn him. That was enough to change his mind about touching any part of the stove or oven when we said that it was hot!

I can't imagine that an author would advocate letting a child get a burn as a natural consequence!

peace,
alsoSarah


----------



## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

One thing we did when Rain was a little older - like two, maybe, certainly not younger than two - was to put our hands on the burner and then turn it on, and talk about it "getting hotter... getting hotter... ouch! hot!"and take out hands away. Obviously that would only work with an electric stove... I also showed her how to drip a few drops of water on it and see if it's hot. What was even better was my mom's stove, which had a little light that went on when the burners were still hot, even if the stove had been turned off.

Of course, I did watch her very carefully when the stove was on, but this way I could also tell her it was on, and it was hot now.

With stoves, sometimes they're hot, and sometime they're not.

I would never intentionally allow a child to be burned, though.

Dar


----------



## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

That's sor of what we do, Dar. We let him hover his hand over hot (with our hands guiding)--stove, toaster, etc.

And now he ask's? "Dat hot?" and points.

Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. It must be confusing to hear "Don't touch, the oven is hot." and touch it and it's really cold. Makes it hard to believe your parents' warnings about danger, I think.

You can show them the heat without burning or injuring them!


----------



## ParkersMama (Jan 29, 2003)

That seems crazy to me, and counter-intuitive to being a protective parent for dangerous things!! I mean, what's next, let them play with a steak knife to see it is sharp??









We've explained hot, and as a previous poster has said, if the oven door was hot to the touch but not enough to burn and he was REALLY interested in it, that is as far as I could even fathom going.


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

One tip as far as the "sometimes hot, sometimes not".....
I just got a new stove last year, and the previous one got *really* hot on the front surface when the oven was on. So I ALWAYS put the oven light on when it is hot, and leave it on until the oven (and front surface) is cool. Dd learned very young (younger than 2, for sure) that the light meant the oven was hot, and she steered clear.


----------



## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I let my children feel a lot of pain in terms of natural consequences. Burns however, especially from a stove can be really really serious. I would never risk it. They learn with less tragic things what hot is (steam from a humidifier, cocoa, one grabbed a stick of insense once, my bad)and learn to apply it to the stove. My children as a general rule are not allowed near the stove while I am cooking (kitchens are dangerous for little playing children especially when I am the one cooking or cleaning. My second dd has a huge scar above her lip to prove it.)


----------



## sadie_sabot (Dec 17, 2002)

We're struggling with hot right now. I have actually considered something like this, but burns really suck! they hurt for a long time, and they can get infected pretty easily.

I tried to show dd "hot" by letting her touch the outside of my coffee cup, but although it's hot, it's not hot enough to be totally unpleasant, so she kind of got into it. She's obsessed with coffee, I suppose that's inherited?!?!

so we're not working on learning hot for awhile in the hopes that she will forget about the fun hot coffee cup!























One idea I had was to get a contaier of hot water- hot enough to be unpleasant but not hot enough to hurt, and put her hand in it. I am scared of holding her hand over anything *really* hot--she's squirmy! I'll be watching this thread for other excellent ideas.


----------



## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

try filling a sock up with rice or salt and microwaving it until it is very hot (makes a great heating pad). It will get very hot, too hot to touch for long, but not burn your skin unless you keep it there for a long time. Even then I would think only 1st degree (sunburn type) icase she is a little too "into it" :LOL


----------



## KermitMissesJim (Feb 12, 2004)

My BIL was one of those kids who just wouldn't leave it alone, he HAD to know for himself that the stove was hot. He was of above-average intelligence, always an observer and a thinker. He went on to become a pulmonologist. My MIL was much more of a gentle discipline praciticioner (as opposed to FIL, who had a switch and wasn't afraid to use it) and she would never have let him touch that stove--he did it when the sitter was there, lol, because he HAD to know. He was 3.

Some kids just have to see for themselves. Ds took our word for it, we'll see what dd does.


----------



## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by sunnmama_
*One tip as far as the "sometimes hot, sometimes not".....
I just got a new stove last year, and the previous one got *really* hot on the front surface when the oven was on. So I ALWAYS put the oven light on when it is hot, and leave it on until the oven (and front surface) is cool. Dd learned very young (younger than 2, for sure) that the light meant the oven was hot, and she steered clear.*
I love this idea!

And to sadie_sabot - I definitely wouldn't recommend you holding your daughter's hand over or in anything hot. That's a whole different thing that offering, inviting, or doing together, imo...

Dar


----------



## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

I have this trouble too because Goo wants to help so much. Yesterday, the tea pot started to whistle and she tried to turn the knobs on the stove because that's what Mommy does to make it stop.

I had to move her away, turn off the stove and then thank her for helping, but remind her that she shouldn't touch the stove yet. Thank goodness we have knob protectors so she can't actually turn the knobs yet.

Our stove is very insulated so the outside doesn't get hot, but she wants to see the inside.

I have tried the light thing, but she hasn't understood it yet.


----------



## sistermama (May 6, 2003)

I let ds put his hand through the steam of a boiling pot while he was helping me cook. It was hot enough to feel "hot" but not hot enough to burn or hurt him. I told him "hot, hot" and ever since then, he really understood what hot means. It is one of the only words he respects!


----------



## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

I am hoping that the author meant hot, but not hot enough to actually burn. Dd and ds did learn 'hot' by natural consequences, but it was with a bowl of corn and candle drippings, respectively. We just took and applied the concept more widely. About 6 months ago DD did actually burn herself (grabbed the oven rack when MIL was taking out some muffins) and it was quite a fiasco - burns are PAINFUL and she's always been a bit of a wimp - I would never ever burn a child on purpose and I'm hoping the auther doesn't mean to burn a child, just to have them touch the stove when it is uncomfortably hot. Natural consequences are great and all, but we have a responsibility to protect our kids when they need it, you know? I'm not going to teach them not to run off a cliff by letting them fall - natural consequences has its limits.


----------



## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

My son has a very good understanding of "hot" and has had for quite some time. It might be at least partially because he burned himself when he was a year, but I'd definitely never advocate that as a learning method!

I like the light idea. And letting them go near/touch(if it's not TOO hot) a hot stove is good, too.


----------



## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by sadie_sabot_
*I tried to show dd "hot" by letting her touch the outside of my coffee cup, but although it's hot, it's not hot enough to be totally unpleasant, so she kind of got into it. She's obsessed with coffee, I suppose that's inherited?!?!*
thats how my mom taught my sibs and I about hot and we so happened to be living with them when he was becoming mobile and trying to touch the oven when I opened it so my mom taught ds hot with a mug of hot coffee too. At first EVERYTHING was then hot, he was using the word hot to describe temperature. But then we did some experimenting with cold and hot and he knows the difference now. I kinda of say teh word "hot" really fast and quick tempoed so when he gets near the oven when Im taking something out I will say it and he backs away.

Thats not to say that he listens all of the time. Last night, dh and I were trying to put up this wallpaper border in teh bathroom and ds HAD to be in there with us. I had filled the sink with hot water to soak the border and both of us were standing on the sink when he started to get up on teh toliet to reach into the water. I told him "hot" and thought that was it, and then all of a sudden he is crying, "hot hot hot" and He burnt himself. I felt so bad! He cried for a while and had some milk ( of course, mamas milk cures all woes!LOL) . But I think that lesson in hot will be one he will remember! But I dont hink I could ever intentionally allow my child to seriously hurt themselves like from a stove or oven, but its true that some lessons are learned the hard way sometimes!


----------



## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Hot stove - sounds extreme. I taught my toddler the difference by letting him touch cold and hot running water. It wasn't hot enough to scald him, but he got it.

I did let him cook with me at the stove, sometime after 2... but of course, understanding the difference (and he then KNEW not to touch the pan with his hand) was essential.


----------



## ~Jenna~ (Dec 7, 2003)

Well I hope the author didn't mean to let them burn themselves. One of the other examples she gave was that if you don't want your child to get pinched in a door then let them pinch themselves and it will hurt and they won't do it again. That's why I wasn't sure what she meant. I really don't like the book for other reasons too though...like she advises against comfort nursing







:


----------

