# Morgans Birth story



## Blessed Sunshine (May 9, 2002)

I haven't been back here for a bit. I've needed time.

July 11th we found out our baby had died silently within me. We were waiting for nature to takes it's course so Morgan could have a gentle birth, and maybe, just maybe I'd have a moment to hold my baby.

I waited, and waited. The only thing that had occurred was mild cramping. Like menstrual cramps but really mild. At times I thought it was just in my mind.

July 23, I returned to the Dr. office. it had been 12 days since we found out. I'd carried the baby nearly 18 weeks. The ultrasound said dates measured our baby to be about 11, the Dr. said more likely 13. I'd been carrying my baby at least 5 weeks, or almost 7 weeks since this precious one quietly slipped away.

Th Dr. asked if anything was happening, any spotting, and cramping. There had been NO spotting at all. not a drop of blood. I told her about the cramps, she wasnt sure. We were to be going away the next week on holidays. I couldn't bear cancellign them, as the kids look forward to it. My husband needed the time away. I didn't want to go, I just wanted to climb into a hole and hibernate and pray that when I wake up it will all be a bad dream.

She asked what I wanted to do. I could wait. There was no danger in that. My blood work was good, I had no fever, no illness. But waiting would mean just not knowing when it would happen. Would a hospital be near if necessary, would I be confident in the staff available?

I could go for a d&c. NO WAY.

Or I could take Cytotec, a medication that is for stomach ulcers, but it causes uterine contractions. there were 4 doses. The first a single pill, 6 hours later 2 pills, again 2 pills after six hours and hours later the final dose.

I said I take the prescription and we'd discuss at home. She explained that it takes effect quickly. There would be spottign within the first six hours, within 12 cramping, and 18 labor would have started, and likely after that 3rd dose we'd "pass the tissues".

I knew by calling hospitals, health lines, mid wives, over the past few weeks that these"tissues" would be my baby. I prayed that the baby would be in tact, but was told that there would likely be some disintegration, and darkening, and I'd be unable to handle the baby. The midwife said if I felt the need to see the baby, that when the urge to push came, to squat over a bowl. I'd beable to gently move things about to find the baby.

My husband wanted me to take the meds. To get this stage done so we coud move toward closure. He hadn't wanted me to wait. When he found out their might be a baby to see, he didn't think he could handle it. And that's fair.

They were ALL WRONG. The Dr. the hospital(who said there'd be no baby), the midwife. No one could have predicted what happened.

July 24th. 2 pm I pick up my mom from the airport. She was coming to help with the kids, and be there should I need to go the hospital.

5:45 After supper I took the first dose.

6:00 Light spotting began.

6:30 we bring mom to pick up her car, hubby was driving.

7pm we're home.

8 pm slightly stronger menstraul cramps, still barely spotting.

9pm tuck oldest into be.

10pm.... ho hum... this isn't doing anything, still mild cramps. Tuck middle child to bed. Have a bowel movement, which is weird, i'm regular am person..lol Husband heads to bed.

10:30 cramps a little stronger, like braxton hicks or early labor contractions, nothing to worry about.

11pm youngest laying with me on the couch, fussing, she wants milk. I sit up to go get the milk. I feel a *pop* and then a second *pop*. As I stand a warm rush of fluid soaks my pad. Anxious I'm trying to find my bucket, which my mom had moved. I tell her my water broke, I needed the pail. give the little one milk and lay down with her. I run to the washroom.

11:03 I close the door, strip down, worried that I'm bleeding every where. Relieved that there is only 2 drops on the pants, but lots of water. I feel another mild contraction coming.

11:04 I squatted over the pail, and with the contractiion, Morgan was gently born. I pushed tring to get the placenta to come, but wouldn't. I gently cut the cord, gathered my baby in my hands.

Morgan was perfect!!! I counted 10 teeny toes, 10 tiny fingers. He had the sweetest lil nose. Sweetly formed lips, slender arms and legs. I place my angel into the blanket I'd embroidered with "Morgan, we love you!" on it. Sat on the toilet, letting contraction come. I tried to take a picture, but the camera wouldn't work. So i as i waited for my body to do it's work, I held and admired this perfect little one. There was NO discoloration, no disintegration of tissue. Morgan was beautiful and perfect.

Then after a minute or two, I realized that the fluid rushing from me wasn't clear any longer, as a piece of the placenta was passed. I was bleeding, heavily. Dh asked if I was ok. I said I was bleeding, but we'd give it a few minutes incase this was just that initial rush, the baby had come, I needed pants and undies. And to make sure mom was putting the little on to bed(didn't want them to see me rush incase we needed to go to the hospital.) As I put on my clothes, with a industrial size pad..lol.. I contracted saturating everything.

We needed to go to the hospital. I'd need the d&c. But it was ok. My baby was at home, cradled in the blanket I'd made with love. No one would harm my child. I had my husband place the tiny coffin I'd made into the fridge and had him bring my a beach towel and fresh clothes. And then another towel. It was getting serious, but I was calm. I didn't have my prayer of the medicals being wrong, but God does listen, and I did get to hold my baby.

I went to the hospital, was admitted, was examed by the emerg Dr, to have him tellme my body was still trying to expell tissues(like I didn't know that.) My blood pressure had sank to 84/40. IVs were started, consent for surgery and blood products signed. It was my luck that night, my OB was on call. At 1:04 am anesthetic was injected into the iv. At 1:40, I opened my eyes in recovery. The first words I spoke were "I only wanted a baby". And the recovery nurse consoled me quietly. And then the next words were "Is dr. **** tucked back in bed?" I was wheeled into the gyn. ward where my husband waited. The next morning I was home.

The Dr. was shocked to here it all happened with only 1 pill. My figuring was it would have happened with in a day or two with out. I do know that no matter what I did I'd have needed teh d&c, as the placenta was sticky, and it took effort for her to remove it. There was a baby, they were wrong, and there was no break down of tissues as they anticipated, or the discoloration.

Morgans memorial site is started, still dead links and typos, and Morgans story is not yet complete. But if anyone would like to read, you can find it at http://www.blessedsunshine.com[url]

We asked for a baby and were blessed with an angel,


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## Brandonsmama (Dec 25, 2001)

Oh my dear, I weep with you this morning. Bless you for having the convictions to do what you needed to do. I wish you a safe journey thru your grief and a sense of peace in your heart. I know that your beutiful little Morgan will live on in you forever. I will light a candle for you and your family Sandi


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

((((Blessed Sunshine))))


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Reading your story I was filled with a peacefull feeling. As horrible as it is that your baby could not stay with you, you were granted the one wish - to hold him and see that he was whole and perfect. You will carry thoes images with you always.

I remember how absolutely perfect Amanda's hands and feet were. I use the image of baby footprints as a reminder of her and the prefection she was. It's been almost 9 years now and I still hold her memory deep within me - just as you will your precious Morgan.

I'm going to go to your site later. I'm anxious to see your memorial to him. Please make sure you have a printed copy of his birth story in a special place. I have a small box with all of my writings, sympathy cards and many other memories of her. This is a nice way to keep your baby's memories safe and special.

Morgan will always be remembered here - I've already lit a Bergamot candle in his honor and memory today and it will burn and let off it's light all day. Just as Morgan left his light within you.

Please continue self care. It's extremely important for you to keep hydrated and eat a well balanced diet. Red Rasberry Leaf tea is full of iron and very hydrating. Give yourself the time you need to move through your greif. You'll find many emotions sneeking up on you - some may be very frightening. Please know that this is all normal and it's your bodies way of helping you through. Allow yourself to feel and journey through your greif.

We're all here for you to listen and support you. You may also pm or email me any time [email protected] you're deep in my thoughts.


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## lisamarie (Nov 19, 2001)

Thank you for sharing your story and Morgan with us. She sounds so precious and beautiful. My heart reaches out to you and your family.

Much Love~

Lisa


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## moonglowmama (Jan 23, 2002)

Blessed Sunshine,

I have been so anxious to hear about Morgan's birth. Thank you so much for sharing him with us. I'm sorry you had to have a D&C, but thankful that Morgan was safe at home.

Our stories are so similar- both my husband and I cried as we read yours. Our Stella was also born on the 24th (February) and as that day approaches each month, I get pretty emotional without knowing why, until I realize what the date is.

I'm sorry you are not able to hold Morgan now, but glad you were able to hold him for those moments on his birthday.

Take care.
Sarah


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## mamarain (Nov 20, 2001)

Thank you for sharing your beautiful, heartbreaking story.
My warmest deepest thoughts are with you all.
Satu


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

What a beautiful birth story! I've never posted on this board before and didn't intend to tonight but I read your birth story and found myself sobbing. My miscarriage was 2 years ago and our stories were somewhat similar. I'm very happy for you that you were able to hold your little one. Peace be with you.

Christie


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## Chloe (Aug 13, 2002)

Blessed Sunshine- your baby counted. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry he passed.


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## sunmountain (Nov 19, 2001)

I was hoping to catch up with you again, as you have been on my mind the past few weeks, after reading your first post about Morgan way back when. I will remember your beautiful inspiring story for a long time, as Morgan was born on my birthday. I am in awe of your strength and gentle nature through all of this turmoil, you are such a wonderful mama. Take care of yourself, I send you peaceful thoughts.


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## sun-shine01 (Aug 9, 2002)

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family.


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