# Is my mom trying to make me crazy or is this really unsafe?



## heathermarie73 (Mar 13, 2006)

My mom is driving me crazy. She is constantly helicoptering over ds 2.5 yrs. She is always telling him no. He is a good kid but coming into a more stubborn phase and more exploritory. Today she got all upset because he opened the utensil draw and showed her a butter knife. First of he never really goes in this draw. Second all it has is butter knives, forks , and spoons. all sharp things are up high. Third I watch him very well, but let him explore. So she starts in with how unsafe this is and such. I replied that there is nothing sharp in the drawer and he never goes in there anyway, ( I only let him take forks and spoons from the draw when he is going to eat something, most of the time I give them to him). then she starts in about how he could impale himself on a butter knife and it could go through his... (sorry I can't write such a horrid thing) I think my mom has lost it. first, He could have an accident with many things, God forbid, but these butter knives can barely cut butter. I would be more worried about the forks. I told her that I am watch him well and she proceed to tell me that it only takes a second. Is my Mom trying to give me a permenant anxiety attack or am I being too lax? I think she is crazy for even saying such a horrid thing that she said. I can't stand to be around her, it is like she needs to take over parenting ds, because she feels I'm not doing it??? Urggh just when I need more stress in my life.


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

She sounds over protective to me.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

We let our kids use butter knives and yes ds has cut himself with them, but I to worry more about forks. My grandmother had a very bad childhood accident with a fork that makes me shudder.

Tell her to leave him be and when he's in his own home he is more than safe. It won't work, but maybe she'll back off just a little. My mom is a helicopter grandmother but I think for her it has more to do with the fact that her house is not at all childproof (she tries but it's hard) so at my house I just tell her to relax.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

people always freak out and move butterknives away from DD. I have been known to allow her to eat butter straight off the butterknife. what on earth is going to happen? you're right, forks are much worse, yet no one thinks twice of letting a toddler learn to use those. I don't get it.


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Your ine. I let DS and DD help set the table, butter knives, forks and all.

FWIW, I also let them play with electronics, the decorations on our tree, and lots of other things. I try to focus on the real risks.


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## flowers (Apr 8, 2004)

My mom is like that about choking and water. I mean really-it's out of control and it stresses me out b/c I feel like she is going to create some crazy accident b/c of how much she focuses on it!

I am a similar parent to you and feel children should get to explore things. Follow your gut.


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## amrijane128 (Jan 6, 2007)

Ugh sounds like mine. She talks about these horrible, gruesome things that could happen and it's like... I KNOW it could happen, but seriously... the chances of her taking out an eye with a broom with me right here are not worrisome enough for me to freak out about it constantly. Arg.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Sounds a wee bit overprotective.

But then again, my (not quite) 4 y/o plugs the Christmas tree in every morning


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## heathermarie73 (Mar 13, 2006)

thanks guys, I was starting to worry that maybe I was crazy or something.


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## PlayaMama (Apr 1, 2007)

dude. your mom sounds like my dad.

i always tell him, do NOT use the words be careful!! say anything else, "don't poke yourself with the fork i the eye" or, "don't let go of that tree branch" but the incessant, "be careful" drives me batty!!

not much advice, sorry.


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## astrophe27 (Aug 27, 2007)

My parents used to be that overprotective, but now that DD is nearing 5 and they've had more and more time watching her in the day and a few spend-the-nights, they too have gotten over the "new-grandparents" thing.

I do remember the helicoptering from her babyhood. It drove me bonkers too.

Hang in there!

A.


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

Maybe your butter knives are different than mine, but mine have a serrated edge on the first two inches of the blade that CAN cut things. And I think that forks are as dangerous as knives in the hands of an unsupervised toddler. It's trite, but it really does take only a few seconds.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

My mom once was telling my kids to be careful b/c they were running down an incline.
I said, "what is the worst that is going to happen?"
She said, "they might get hurt"
I said, "so"
Getting hurt is part of being a kid...ok impaling not so much and horrible fork accidents aside, what's the big deal if they get little cut from a serrated butter knife?
sure I keep them out of the street but both my kids can use a knife and use butter knives for cutting play doh even.
Risks are necessary. Life is not safe.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I would look at her and say

"So Mom, just how many times a year does a toddler impale themselves on a butter knife? How many deaths by butter knife has the CDC recorded?"

and then follow up with:

"You know, Mom, I'm concerned about your anxiety. You seem to be far more anxious about my son than you ever were with me. Have you talked to your doctor about this?" (For my mom, that's the fastest way to shut her up. Heaven forbid that we admit to mental illness!)


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
Sounds a wee bit overprotective.

But then again, my (not quite) 4 y/o plugs the Christmas tree in every morning

My 3 yo DS does, too! He also helps me sew. We camp. When he is a bit older, he will learn knife safety.

I think it is much better to teach kids how to do things safely rather than fear and avoidance.


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## pixiepunk (Mar 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seekingjoy* 
my 3 yo ds does, too! He also helps me sew. We camp. When he is a bit older, he will learn knife safety.

*i think it is much better to teach kids how to do things safely rather than fear and avoidance*.

yes!


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## gini1313 (Jul 5, 2006)

I would say just don't let him run with the butter knife and all is good


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

My parents are wrapping up a 2 day visit and I'm glad they are leaving for exactly this reason. My kids are 5 and 9 -- old enough that they aren't going to kill themselves with the stuff that my mother was freaking about. She made DD cry when she told her that she could hurt her vagina because she wasn't wearing underwear under her nightgown. To which my response (while holding my sobbing daughter) was "Mom, she is fine. PLEASE leave her alone!"







:


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I started teaching DD1 how to use a butter knife about that age. I used to let her cut up bananas or boiled baby carrots, for practice. Now, at 4, she can competently handle a serrated steak knife, if what she's cutting isn't too tough. So no, I don't think it's out of line to let a 2.5 year old handle a butter knife, under supervision. Just don't let him run around whacking people with it, and he should be fine!







And I think your mom needs to relax. My mom is not like that at all, but my MIL is-- her thing is steps, and plastic bags. It doesn't matter if her plastic bags are all shut up in a cupboard out of reach. She has to actually put them in the garage, because what if one of the twins got hold of one and suffocated him/herself, in the same room with five able-bodied adults, all watching them carefully.







And the step-- she has ONE step in her living room, that goes down to a lower level of the room where there used to be a porch. One freaking step. And she's constantly hovering over the twins like they're going to crack their skulls open falling down one step. (My kiddos can competently navigate a whole staircase, with someone spotting them. One step hardly even slows them down.)

I hate when people are constantly admonishing my kids to "be careful." I think it makes them anxious and fearful. I want my kids to be bold and daring and willing to risk minor injury for the sake of exploration and learning and adventure. And yeah, a kid could maybe hurt himself with a steak knife, and maybe even in a gruesome way. Or a meteorite could strike the state of NJ tomorrow, and kill us all. How likely is either one?


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## heathermarie73 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
My parents are wrapping up a 2 day visit and I'm glad they are leaving for exactly this reason. My kids are 5 and 9 -- old enough that they aren't going to kill themselves with the stuff that my mother was freaking about. She made DD cry when she told her that she could hurt her vagina because she wasn't wearing underwear under her nightgown. To which my response (while holding my sobbing daughter) was "Mom, she is fine. PLEASE leave her alone!"







:

Wow, I am so sorry, I felt so bad reading that story. That is scary to say to a little girl and so unnecessary.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

My daughter and sons started buttering their own bread right around 2, with butterknives. Lord knows I got tired of them wanting to "help" and just gave in.

She's 2.5 now, the same age as yours, and is quite good at it. She now empties the silverware tray for us as a "chore" and puts the steak knives in the drawer. She's very careful, she's never cut herself.

People don't give kids enough credit, really!


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## gillibean (Nov 28, 2006)

Kids are kids and part of that is taking risks. As parents we try to make sure that the risks are reasonable. If we don't let our children explore things though, they'll never learn anything. Playing with a butter knife is a lot safer than some other things kids could play with.


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Some of these posts are really cracking me up.

FWIW, my 2 y.o. uses butter knives and often licks the butter off of them. I'm really not worried about it. They're not sharp. I'd say he's more likely to impale himself on a pencil than a butter knife and that's super unlikely. And I'm not keeping pencils out of his reach!

My ILs (who have been grandparents for 18 years!) are still overly worried about kids getting hurt. They do a lot of predicting bad outcomes for their grandkids, which I can't stand. I mean this sort of comment: "If you climb on that chair you're going to fall!"


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

My almost-3 year old has been helping me cut veggies and other foods with real (Henkel) knives for several months now. He also has a great chopper that he uses at my mom's -- he calls it his "favorite knife." He's my little chef.

My mom is overprotective about a lot of things (and was a worrier with me, too), but even she doesn't care about the kids having knives. She actually thought it was really funny/ridiculous when my partner's young niece freaked out that there was a (Pottery Barn KID'S) knife next to her plate one holiday.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Quote:

She made DD cry when she told her that she could hurt her vagina because she wasn't wearing underwear under her nightgown.
Man, that's messed up. And my mom always told us to *not* wear underwear to bed so our bodies had time to 'breathe'.









My youngest doesn't use knives, but he does plug in the Christmas tree lights. My oldest quite often makes sandwiches for them both.


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## tubulidentata2 (Aug 6, 2006)

Um, DD (2.5) has been cooking (supervised) at a hot stove since she was 18 months old, we've never used outlet covers or toilet locks, she's been using breakable plates since she started solids, many of her toys (dolls, acorns, sticks) are choking hazards, we let her use plastic bags, we allow her to use a screwdriver to help us replace batteries, she uses scissors, and we only had baby gates up for a few months. She is just naturally careful (we rarely tell her "no" or "be careful") and she takes a simple explanation of danger very seriously. We are probably less worried about safety than most parents, but I also think that parents know their own child's capabilities and tendencies.


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## flowers (Apr 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tubulidentata2* 
Um, DD (2.5) has been cooking (supervised) at a hot stove since she was 18 months old, we've never used outlet covers or toilet locks, she's been using breakable plates since she started solids, many of her toys (dolls, acorns, sticks) are choking hazards, we let her use plastic bags, we allow her to use a screwdriver to help us replace batteries, she uses scissors, and we only had baby gates up for a few months. She is just naturally careful (we rarely tell her "no" or "be careful") and she takes a simple explanation of danger very seriously. We are probably less worried about safety than most parents, but I also think that parents know their own child's capabilities and tendencies.

We fit into this camp.


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## angelachristin (Apr 13, 2007)

She sounds like my MIL which is why we have lately seriously cut down on the time she spends with DS. She just can't seem to quit it and I hate having him exposed to it. OUr home is set up for him to play and explore, there is very very little that he could get hurt on and if he does, it's part of life and exploring the world around him. But whenever she is here she will always be telling him "NO!" for the dumbest things. "NO! Don't slide across the floor on your socks! You'll fall!" She's always telling him, "You'll fall," even though I tell her specifically not to say that. She tells him not to hug and kiss the dog, even though the dog doesn't mind (our dog, in our home) and he is allowed to do this. Everything, even safe things, are NO NO NO with this woman. She drives me bonkers.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

I can kinda see two sides. One one hand I too believe that young kids can learn to use knifes and such I know by two mine was handing sissors and using basic butter knives for spreads and such.. At the same time there is a diffrence between using a knife at a table to spread butter and just gong to a drawer and playing with them and if they are not used "properly" he "could" get hurt more than one may feel comfortable with. OTOH while I can see why "grandma" wants to protect her grandchild getting overly upset and snaping at the kid isn't going to help a simple oh yes thats a knife lets leave those alone and redirrection would have likely worked just as well with out geting overly dramatic.

Deanna


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

When Im chopping vegtables Ill give DD a butter knife and a piece of vegatable to cut up. Im planning on starting to teach her how to cook and cut up her own food as well. I personally believe its a lot safer to teach kids what things are used for and how to use them safely than it is to try to keep it away from them. Eventually they will get ahold of it, if they don't know how to use it or what its used for it could be dangerous.

Oh, the only big danger Ive found with the butter knife is that she cuts up paper and tries to cut up her stuffed animals with it as well. Its a mess danger.


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## KaliShanti (Mar 23, 2008)

Quote:

My mom once was telling my kids to be careful b/c they were running down an incline.
I said, "what is the worst that is going to happen?"
She said, "they might get hurt"
I said, "so"
Getting hurt is part of being a kid...ok impaling not so much and horrible fork accidents aside, what's the big deal if they get little cut from a serrated butter knife?
sure I keep them out of the street but both my kids can use a knife and use butter knives for cutting play doh even.
Risks are necessary. Life is not safe.
Yup.


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