# why do people think it's okay to lock children in their rooms at night?



## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

(and i mean lock them in and not respond/let them out when they wake and cry)?

this is one of those







topics. sorry to start it, really. but i have to know...

WHY OH WHY is it considered okay BY ANYONE to do this? pediatricians even advise this for toddlers who don't want to stay in their rooms at night...and i read on other message boards about parents doing this all the time.

i think CIO is bad in general, of course, but honestly, i think "controlled crying" with a 6 month old (where you go in and check) seems less awful than locking a walking, talking, screaming toddler in their room and not even letting them know you hear them. i mean, theoretically they don't even know you're in the house at all, and in a way you might as well not be. i can't imagine who would do this. it just makes me














:


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## kikidee (Apr 15, 2007)

ITA. I don't get it. It makes my heart hurt.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Scary thing in my friends' new house. The downstairs bedrooms all had those hook and eye locks on the *outside* right up by the top of the door frames. Creepy!


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Scary thing in my friends' new house. The downstairs bedrooms all had those hook and eye locks on the *outside* right up by the top of the door frames. Creepy!

*shudder*


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Because if you have done CIO, it's just the next logical step when your child learns to crawl out of their crib. I don't know how people enure themselves to any of it, but I know that's the justification.

My in-laws did this, and my nephew tore the chair rail off of the wall and stuck it in the ceiling fan. They retale this story like it's the funniest thing ever. So it's safer to do that than to bring your child into bed with you? Someone needs to sue a pediatrician, that might change their minds.


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## jessica_lizette (Feb 3, 2008)

&


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## Natalie143 (May 14, 2007)

i dont know how anyone does this.. i think they are misinformed into thinking that its okay to do this since someone of medical profession told them and they have trust in them...(i wouldn't do everything my doctor told me...)
It is really really sad because imagine what the child must be going through.. they are helpless.. don't know how to do anything themself and now they are locked alone in a room.. they dont know what to do.... i can imagine what types of fears they will have as they become older.. i would NEVER EVER EVER do this to my child... to me that is major betrayal.. i would never want to scare him that much even to teach him anything.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *readytobedone* 
(and i mean lock them in and not respond/let them out when they wake and cry)?

this is one of those







topics. sorry to start it, really. but i have to know...

WHY OH WHY is it considered okay BY ANYONE to do this? pediatricians even advise this for toddlers who don't want to stay in their rooms at night...and i read on other message boards about parents doing this all the time.

i think CIO is bad in general, of course, but honestly, i think "controlled crying" with a 6 month old (where you go in and check) seems less awful than locking a walking, talking, screaming toddler in their room and not even letting them know you hear them. i mean, theoretically they don't even know you're in the house at all, and in a way you might as well not be. i can't imagine who would do this. it just makes me














:









Not only is it horribly sad







...but I think its dangerous as well! What if there was a fire? Having my child locked in a room away from me is my worst nightmare!

And you right...it does seem more awful to lock a walking, talking, screaming toddler in a room... I bet these parents think their child wont even remember it...But my best friend remembers her mother locking her in the cellar when she had tantrums!!! She has since connected that with her fear of closterphobia (sp?)


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## Hallielynn01 (Sep 18, 2007)

I have a friend that used CIO, and he never did sleep through the night till she weaned him (which the little man was not thrilled about) but she told me, with a smile on her face that she finally got to sleep through the night, that she closed his door as she normally did, but she didn't turn the monitor on. So from across the house, and with their wall unit AC on ,she couldn't hear him if he got up. She was proud of this! Sleep is over rated LOL. I don't know how I would cope if I didn't have my dd rolling over for a nurse here and there through out the night (her crib pushes up to our bed so she has her own space, which she likes)


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Scary thing in my friends' new house. The downstairs bedrooms all had those hook and eye locks on the *outside* right up by the top of the door frames. Creepy!

Completely OT, but to be licesced (sp?) for in home daycare around here you need to have those kind of locks, to keep the kids out of rooms they shouldn't be in. (ie. family bedrooms)


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## Shami (Oct 9, 2007)

Hi mamas. Just want you to know I completely agree with you all and I would never do this, but my mom did this to me. I thought it my make you all feel a teensy weensy bit better to know that I don't remember it, and I don't suffer from depression or sleep disorders. However, I realize some babes may have a personality where it would effect them in very negative ways.
If you knew my mom you would never believe she did this, even I don't believe it! She is a very loving and caring person. She was a special education teacher and counselor later in life. She never spanked me or yelled at me. It was probably some advice from a book or something. I do not excuse it or advocate this so please don't flame me! I just wanted to share my personal experience because OP wondered what kind of person does this. She said I cried at the door until I fell asleep at the foot of the door...so sad.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

Shami --







Glad it didn't affect your sleep patterns as an adult, though.

My friend does this to her toddler. My DH, who often can't mind his own business, and often doesn't have to because he's a gigantic man, went down the hall and opened the baby's (20 mos) door after hearing him scream for about 20 minutes. Sweat was pouring down the baby's body, and he had snot running down his face. Turns out he was a bit sick and his ceiling fan broke. This was in the summer. My friend was shocked and said something like, oh that's never happened before, poor baby, etc., and cooled him down. Like that's never happened before. More like she didn't KNOW ABOUT IT happening because she locks the friggin' door!!!


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## Natalie143 (May 14, 2007)

that story is so so so sad







makes me wanna cry...


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## RoadWorkAhead (Sep 8, 2005)

I completely see the reason for locking a toddler in their room ....But not putting a screaming, crying toddler in a locked room to sleep. Yep, I said it (I'm flame proof thankfully). I don't go for CIO or that part, but locks serve a purpose, at least for this SN mama!


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kierdan'sMom* 
I completely see the reason for locking a toddler in their room ....But not putting a screaming, crying toddler in a locked room to sleep. Yep, I said it (I'm flame proof thankfully). I don't go for CIO or that part, but locks serve a purpose, at least for this SN mama!

in my OP, i tried to specify that i mean locking them in and not answering their cries







i do understand why you might have to gate or lock a child in a room--but you'd still answer their calls at night.


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## mama_lola (Jul 4, 2007)

My DH has horrible memories of his father locking him and his 2 younger brothers in their room at night. DH said they would all cry hysterically and throw themselves against the door until they all just collapsed from the sheer exhaustion and terror of being left alone. He would also bolt all of the windows shut. The feelings of being abandoned, scared, and agonized still haunt him to this day.







:







: It makes my heart hurt just thinking about it.


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## Kat_shoshin (Feb 16, 2007)

Hey - my house had locks on the tops of the outsides of doors too - only on the rooms painted for a child too! The parents room never had them nor the bathroom. I now find them useful to keep my son out of these rooms during the day - and I added them to the bathroom. But really - I know these were used to enforce bedtime. We felt it was scary when we first moved in and were freaked.


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## mountainsun (Jan 11, 2005)

Yup, moms were talking about this on our local (mainstream) parenting forum.







I could not FATHOM locking a toddler in their room. And, consequently, I was told that my children were manipulating me because they are allowed to sleep with us at night.

YUCK!


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## mrsdocmartin (Nov 16, 2006)

readytobedone;10529699 pediatricians even advise this for toddlers who don't want to stay in their rooms at night...and i read on other message boards about parents doing this all the time.
[/QUOTE said:


> Is this the other message board I first "met" you on? If so, I'm not surprised. ITA that this is an unbelievable cruel thing to do. Poor babies!!


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## mrspineau (Jan 15, 2008)

I didn't even know that people DID think that this was okay!!!! It just seems totally bizarre to me. I mean what if something serious happened? Anything could happen! I mean, even if there was a fire or something and my dh and I didn't wake up but our child did..... it just makes me crazy to think that people would do this. And what about potty training? I mean what if the child has to go to the bathroom? or what if they wet the bed? I could go on and on. Very very sad.


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## snowymom (Mar 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Scary thing in my friends' new house. The downstairs bedrooms all had those hook and eye locks on the *outside* right up by the top of the door frames. Creepy!

We have those on all the tops of our bedroom doors; not because we lock anyone IN there, but to keep our nosy toddlers OUT of there. I hope no one comes in our home and judges us so harshly. Do you know for a fact that they lock their kids in? I have never locked our kids in there; that is NOT right!


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## prettypixels (Apr 13, 2006)

I've never read about anyone doing that, thank goodness! How horrible!!!!


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Snowy, I think she's saying that her friends bought the house and it looked like previous owners locked their children in, not that she's presuming her friends do. I hope hope hope that most cases are day care requirements; to keep kids out of bedrooms, not in; and appropriate checking in and responsive families.

It's certainly not something I could ever do. In the case of special needs, I'd be frantically searching for another option. Not b/c I think its terrible in all cases (like special needs and checking on them regularly, etc) but I would have a breakdown. My parents did this to keep me in my room, and when I screamed and yelled, they removed all the light bulbs bc I was petrified of the dark and they thought this would keep me in my bed... and they were annoyed by the lights on I guess. It was cruel and horrible and I'd never think of doing such a thing to a child I love. Any locking in of my child would probably send me off the deep end!


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Scary thing in my friends' new house. The downstairs bedrooms all had those hook and eye locks on the *outside* right up by the top of the door frames. Creepy!

This could be more innocuous than it sounds. We have actually considered these types of locks to keep DS out of DD's room and the bathroom unsupervised. He is tall for his age (just turned 2) and very capable of opening all "child-proof" door locks, caps, bottles, etc. He can also open deadbolts.









We need something VERY high up (he moves furniture to get what he wants, too) and on the outside of the door. It might look creepy -- and it might have been with your friend's house -- but it might not be either. Because, although I would use it when nursing DD or when she is napping alone, I would never use it to contain DS in his room.


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## sarahsmiles (Jan 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Scary thing in my friends' new house. The downstairs bedrooms all had those hook and eye locks on the *outside* right up by the top of the door frames. Creepy!

Well, we put those on the outside of our bedroom doors so that DD won't wander into rooms with dangerous things without us noticing. I don't think it will keep her out much longer, which is why I doubt they would be very useful against a strong-willed child who really wanted out of their bedroom, either.

But maybe I'm being naive!

Now I see that others have the same response. I should read the whole thread, I guess.


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

Mothers in my local playgroup were talking about this not so long ago. Totally breaks my heart







I can't imagine the terror these kids must feel.


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## Muminmamman (Jul 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
My friend does this to her toddler. My DH, who often can't mind his own business, and often doesn't have to because he's a gigantic man, went down the hall and opened the baby's (20 mos) door after hearing him scream for about 20 minutes. Sweat was pouring down the baby's body, and he had snot running down his face. Turns out he was a bit sick and his ceiling fan broke. This was in the summer. My friend was shocked and said something like, oh that's never happened before, poor baby, etc., and cooled him down. Like that's never happened before. More like she didn't KNOW ABOUT IT happening because she locks the friggin' door!!!

Your husband rocks!


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## sunshine's mama (Mar 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Scary thing in my friends' new house. The downstairs bedrooms all had those hook and eye locks on the *outside* right up by the top of the door frames. Creepy!

We have those on our doors as kids, my sister and I. My mom has told us (at age 34 and 32) that they were there to keep us from walking down the 2 flights of stairs (falling down) if we got up in the middle of the night.....

My brain believes her, but my heart doesn't...and that makes me sad......

I remember being scared in my room and not being able to get out during a storm or in there crying bc I wasn't sleepy but my parents were having a dinner party downstairs (we had a big old restored farmhouse) and then my sister coming in to get me (we shared a large bathroom and both our bedroom doors opened up into it) and me sleeping with her in her bed...and vise versa....

There were times I would cry and cry and cry but I was in trouble for something and was told to nap and so I would just cry until I fell asleep....usually under the bed with my blanket and stuffed doggie....sometimes in the closet bc it was big and my toys were in there....

So, I don't believe that they were there to keep us from falling down the stairs......they were there for convience for our parents.....and that sucks....

I don't think they were locked much after we were 5.....that's when the memories stop......

We don't lock our doors here.....prolly for that reason. Dp wanted to put locks on them to keep them out, like those doorknob covers which really aren't locks when you think about it......

If we don't want dd1 (almost 4) in a room, we just close the door and if she gets in, we'll put a gate up.....she respects that for the most part.

Maybe being locked in my room when I was scared or crying or what not is why I feel so strongly from way deep within about having my girls IN bed with me.......or super close.....DD1 recently started sleeping in her own bed but we leave her door and our door open with nightlights to light her way JUST IN CASE....and put a gate at the top of the stairs.....

Just sucks......


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## MyBoysBlue (Apr 27, 2007)

When DS 1 was first in a toddler bed. We put a gate across his door at night so he couldn't get out with out us knowing. He was able to open the outside door to our apartment. Even now he wakes up and plays quietly until he needs something. I know this is very different than locking them in their rooms so you can ignore them. That I don't do.


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## Hazelnut (Sep 14, 2005)

My SIL does this and acts like anyone who doesn't is crazy and doesn't know the right thing to do. And she's always praised for having such well-behaved kids. Honestly I can understand why some parents might decide it's best to tell their kid to stay in their room and close the door. Our 2yo was waking the baby up all night int he bed. But my dh helps him get to sleep in his room if he's upset. It's the crying and screaming and just leaving them locked in there that seems extra cruel. My SIL did this with her then 2yo while at my parents for xmas. We could all hear it, and she got mad when my dad went in there. My niece was just wailing and screaming. But people get really obsessed with not breaking the routine b/c then you have "bad habits".


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## theretohere (Nov 4, 2005)

I didn't know people did that. I know a few SN moms who have locks, but that's to keep the kids safe, not ignore them.


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## littlelentils (Feb 15, 2007)

it makes me feel sick hearing stories of parents locking away their kids while they cry it out..

my great-grandmother would do this to my grandmother when she was a kid.. my grandmother would end up urinating on herself while her parents threw parties at their house because she wasn't let out to go to the bathroom.


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## ~Heyokha~ (Nov 21, 2006)

this is terrible


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

I had a friend at work who did this for a short time when her son was mobile, extremely active and not at all cautious. She did it so he wouldn't get out of his room and tumble down the stairs at night, and she stopped doing it when he became more coordinated/sensible about stairs. She said he'd try the door in the morning and if it was locked he'd go back to playing quietly (i.e., no crying or yelling).

Not something I'd do (mine co-sleep), but not necessarily awful I don't think, depending on how it's done and the child,


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

My aunt and uncle did this with my cousins (who are much older than me) my Mum always regrets not having done anything when it started, she thinks that if she had done something then she could have prevented my cousin from having severe schizaphenia (sp?), as a baby to young boy he was locked in a broomcupboard with a bare lightbulb, no air vent, the room could only just hold the cot he was in, he's a great guy but is constantly on medication and has been for over 20 years because of the neglect he suffered as a child, this obviously is an extreme case, locking kids in rooms is not my personal idea of parenting I think here in europe it would be very much frowned upon as a practice.


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