# Any Scene kid moms out there?



## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

my 13 year old is going through a phase. She is more of a preppy scene kid, but she is definitely going in that direction. She told me she loves the look and how it's different from how the other girls dress. I think she feels displaced among some of her peers (especially the popular girls who haven't been all that nice to her for whatever reason) so she wants to do her own thing. She has gotten to the point where she is friends with only a few girls who are great friends to her, and a bunch of guys, including one boy (whom I think is great, he's a doll!) who is bisexual.
She is wearing skinny jeans, brightly colored tops and hair accessories/jewelry, along with either flat patterned sneakers or converse sneakers (she wants bright orange ones now) She also has long straight, layered hair, and just got side-swept bangs. She doesn't seem depressed or anything...she is just dressing differently, and has finally gotten to the point where she doesn't seem to care so much that the "populars" have rejected her for whatever reason. Next year, she transitions to a different high school than all of her friends, so it will be interesting to see how things go over the summer. She will be in the band with her older sister, and will be hanging around a lot of different kids than she is now, so we will see. A lot of the band kids are scene kid though too.
Anyway, anyone else's kid going through this phase? Do you encourage it? Discourage it? Ignore it? I'm just kind of going along with the flow of things and occasionally suggesting that certain things don't look the best, and she does listen mostly!


----------



## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Chris went through thqt phase, and it sounds like you're handling it beautifully. I kind of overreacted a bit, since he was having other problems that kind of weren't related but his sister was concerned. I did my best not to let him see me worry and didn't make any negative comments about his appearance or music.

Now that he's moved on to something that was initially even more scary to me (gangsta rap) I'm making even more of an effort to learn about the music he likes (instead of what other grownups have to say about the music he likes) and the meaning behind the unfamiliar clothing. We're actually having a lot of fun with it together.

Since he's a completely different kind of teen than his sister was, I expect him to try on several other looks, music styles, and identities as he grows up. I was the same way, and disapproval just made me embrace the new identities all the tighter before I'd really had a chance to explore them enough to see if they resonated with me.

It sounds like you're doing great with your daughter! My advice would be to just keep on going with the flow and maybe make a point of noticing and commenting on at least one fashion-oriented thing you like for each that you don't like. Scene/emo style is total blast, and not too terribly expensive to pull off well, either.


----------



## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Yeah emo is everywhere.









Dd has a bit of that style going on sometimes, but she's so eclectic and always changing. (I love that about her!) She can have a very classic look one day, an emo flavor the next, and a concert tshirt with board shorts the next, and etc.


----------



## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

funny you said that because DD came home today and had on a very preppy sweater, flared LEI jeans, her sperry topsiders and no funky jewelry at all. She has her outfit for tomorrow picked out and she is wearing jeans from aeropostale, a pink hoodie from Hollister, and she said she might wear her hair in a side ponytail and sneakers! Go figure!


----------



## smillerhouse (Aug 5, 2006)

What does scene mean? My dd (nearly 15)has told me before but I cannot remember







I agree with the always changing stuff. Cara is arty, expressive and her own person. We home school so in that sense she has more freedom to express herself. Yesterday it was a t-shirt from a band she heard the night before "Uninterrupted Love Letter". Mostly she wears volleyball practice clothes or uniforms but seems to mainly dress in jeans and casual tops when she goes out. She has always been very musical and I am having trouble finding stuff written for teens about alternative music etc. I found one article that was quite scholarly and she is reading and writing about it for part of her English class. Sallie


----------



## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

if you google scene kid, you'll get several different interpretations of what it consists of or entails. My daughter is considered preppy scene from what I can tell....she is not consistent in her scene dressing and also varies from preppy to sporty.


----------



## aliinnc (Jan 10, 2008)

Sounds emo to me, but I don't think that you necessarily need to worry about that. My daughter always says that the emo kids at her school are happy emos!


----------



## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

no, she is definitely not emo. I know some emo kids....most have their hair dyed black, wear a lot of black, are depressed a lot, wear a ton of eye makeup, etc...she wears bright neon colors, bows in her hair, is always smiling....she just wears funky stuff.


----------



## Organicavocado (Mar 15, 2006)

The labelling drives me nuts. It makes no sense because it evolves, it's never a permanent trend. This kind of label usually starts off as a way to describe a new music trend and then out of nowhere people are using it to describe a fashion, and alarmingly mental states of mind!?

Emo in my day was a clipoff of the "punk" genre of music.. softer, whinier, and we loved it.. emo was the shortened form of "emotional". I suppose the fashion trend started when a particular band popped up with 80's style hair and clothes and it morphed from that into what was then "fake goth".. overly dramatic black outfits, heavy under eyeliner, gigantic leather boots etc. You don't just randomly become depressed because of the clothing style you wear, and you don't start wearing black clothes just because you're depressed. I was extremely depressed near the end of my high school years and wore bright happy clothing, had bright happy hair, and was always appearing excessively happy. On the other hand, I had several "false goth" (not truly gothic, thats another labelling trend I could go on and on about) friends who seemed most content and happy about their lives but liked the look..

Either way adopting a particular trend in fashion is never "looking different from how the other girls/boys look".. hot topic and torrid happily prepackage and sell these trends at outrageous markups. It's not a unique look if you can waltz into a chain store and buy several outfits aimed at the same style. The people I went to school with who genuinely wanted to be different would MAKE THEIR OWN clothing, usually out of thrift store second-hand stuff for extra obscurity, and loved it for the sake of loving something one of a kind despite the odd looks they would get (Im remembering a jeans skirt with bright pink tulle one classmate made... it was bizarre but she made it beautifully). I don't buy the "I want to look different from x and y" mentality when there is actually a label that several people across the US can identify with to describe that particular style.

That said, please don't link music/fashion styles with states of mind as your clothes do not affect your mood to an extent that blankets everyone who wears them together... this is what is making parents go "Omg should I worry? Encourage this? Leave it alone?"... they are only clothes. Just treat them like any other kid who is wearing clothing... their behaviour/attitude will tell you much much more about them than their outfit will.


----------



## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

I'm not so much worrying about her clothing style, as I am the SUDDEN change in her style and also in the friends she is hanging around with. I just want to make sure that the change isn't also linked to something more. The reason that most parents do wonder if there is something to worry about, is that many times over the years, there IS something to be concerned about when there is a sudden change.
She made a T shirt the other day out of an old shirt....she got fabric markers and drew some really cute things on it and sewed bows and buttons on it too. I have always encouraged the kids to recycle their clothes ad make funky things and give them access to fabric scraps and whatever they want.
Again, I just need to make sure she is doing okay, whether she starts wearing strange clothes or not. I ask both girls all the time "Is everything going okay? Is there anything bothering you that you'd like to talk about" Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn't.


----------



## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

I won't label dd but I will say she discovered brand names. She just wears comfy clothes (w/ logos-yuck). Either way, for as long as her clothes are reasonable, I don't care.

(reasonable = everything covered that needs to be covered, nothing across the back-end and nothing too mean spirited in words-do a search of "mean" on cafepress.com and you'll see what I mean)


----------



## kathywiehl (Dec 9, 2003)

Kayla dresses this way and I'll be honest. I kinda like it, lol! Before she got into this style of dressing, it was all about the brand name and she'd only accept clothes from certain stores. Now, we can shop at TJ maxx and as long as it fits her style she's happy. This takes lots of pressure off her and she's much happier now.

Although, the makeup she wears drives me absolutely bonkers. She wears so much black eyeliner and mascara it really looks horrible IMO. She likes it and feels more comfortable in it, so I let it go and on the rare occasion I catch her without makeup I take a picture, lol!


----------



## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

true...it is kinda cute, and it does take them away from the name brand things moreso....Lindsay was searching for stuff in WalMart the other night, which she wouldn't have done a few months ago. She isn't into the eyeliner just yet, mostly because her eyes are sensitive and they get all watery when she tries to put it on. She puts it on the top lids, but not the bottom. She does wear bright eyeshadow though, which sometimes looks a little prostitute-ish! Right now, she is bugging me for a new pair converse sneakers, and I'm trying to talk her into the colorful flats you can find at WalMart or Payless because we can get her TWO pairs vs. just one.


----------



## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I just wanted to second everything Organicavocado said! Fantastic post. I totally agree with this:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Organicavocado*
You don't just randomly become depressed because of the clothing style you wear, and you don't start wearing black clothes just because you're depressed. I was extremely depressed near the end of my high school years and wore bright happy clothing, had bright happy hair, and was always appearing excessively happy. On the other hand, I had several "false goth" (not truly gothic, thats another labelling trend I could go on and on about) friends who seemed most content and happy about their lives but liked the look..


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Organicavocado*
hot topic and torrid happily prepackage and sell these trends at outrageous markups. It's not a unique look if you can waltz into a chain store and buy several outfits aimed at the same style.

Dd and I were just saying these very things.







She's clearly aware that she dresses, or at least includes elements of a style that half a bajillion other kids are wearing right now. She digs the look, but she knows she's not unique in it.


----------



## Buddhamom (Jan 16, 2007)

My 16 yr. old only wears clothes from Hollister, Abercrombie and Aeropostale and while I think it's foolish to spend that kind of money on just clothes, I respect her for making her own choices. However, she will go to Goodwill and be more than happy as long as they are those brands *LOL* I figure it could be worse, she could be failing in school, drinking, doing drugs, out having sex and getting into trouble with the law. Instead she is true to her vegetarian beliefs, has a lot of self value and holding a benefit for an orphanage in Zambia. I have learned to pick my battles


----------

