# Cesarean Support Circle-October 2004



## ladylee (Nov 20, 2001)

This thread is a place of sharing, strength and support for anyone recovering from or planning a cesarean birth. We ask that everyone's unique experience be respected and treated with sensitivity here.

Welcome newcomers and hi regulars!

Throwing out a topic to see if anyone wants to talk about it-what emotions come up when you hear other women judging those who have had cesareans?


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## LaughingHyena (May 4, 2004)

Had my c/s 8 weeks ago and so far i've not encountered much judgement IRL. Online I just read very selectivly!

The big problem for me was that since my c/s was planned due to placenta previa I had people telling me how great it was that I would be avoiding all the hard work. NOT what I needed to hear.


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## bwylde (Feb 19, 2004)

nak...I'm a regular but.. I had my first nearly two and a half years ago and my second 7 and a half weeks ago. My incision is in horrible shape and I wonder if I'll ever look normal again







. It itches but I can't scratch or it bleeds.

IRL, all I hear is how lucky I am and that they would of given anything to of had a c-section, which I hate!! Online, it's the total opposite (well, in my natural parenting sites). They judge without knowing the facts. I feel like saying do you think I wanted this? I sometimes wish those who judge could walk in our shoes and see it's not always cut and dry. I hate feeling I have to defend a decision that possibly saved the lives of three people, me and my two kids. So, as you can tell, it kind of gets my hackles up ::LOL. It wasn't as bad when I'd just had the one for some reason.

ok, it's hard to think, type and read with a nursing toddler doing areobics on my lap :LOL . forgive my incoherance


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## prmom (Jun 14, 2004)

I tend to get very defensive and angry when I hear people judging c/s. I understand that a lot of unecessary c/s happen and I sometimes feel like I get lumped into that. I tried to vbac with Gavin, but unfortunately was unsuccessful and had a quick labor and had to be put under. That one was even harder. I agree that I don't have the experience of having my vagina stretched out and maybe even tear to accomodate for a baby. I know vaginal deliveries can be very traumatic. Yet, I still mourn that I could not feel my babies come into the world and hold them immediately and be lucid as I was trying to nurse my baby for the first time. The drugs made my emotions so flat that everything felt emotionally anticlimatic.

Okay, enough of my pity party







. I just don't think everyone considers that some c/s mothers have done lots of research and planned otherwise.


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## TexasSuz (Mar 4, 2002)

It makes me so mad when I hear people say that a c-birth is the "easy way out" or a way to avoid all of the pain! Hello, I had my body CUT OPEN and was in soooo much pain for 3 weeks! I would rather be in labor for 72 hours than have 3 weeks of pain again! It was so awful!

I am having my next c-section in January and I am already dreading the pain. Have more to say but ds needs me now....


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## karendrema (May 20, 2003)

..Right after DD was born my mom was going on and on about how next time it would be easier since I could just schedule it, etc etc. She seemed utterly perplexed at the idea of attempting a vaginal birth instead (and not necessarily because of the medical implications - in her day it was once a c/s always a c/s and she had 3) she actually thinks it will be easier. I guess her only experience of labor was 48 hours with me stuck and no pain meds the c/s was probably a relief, but at the same time, she couldn't get over how quickly I recovered compared to what she remembered!

My other beef is that my DD was 10lbs 8oz, so everyone assumes that was why we had the section. I hate the 'Oh, no wonder!' response I get. I believe the reason we failed to progress was because I had a uterine infection, and so I was induced, combined with the fact that DD was posterior and maybe her size played a small factor combined with those. But because she was so big - as soon as I tell them that they assume that was why we needed the section - and its really hard to dispute it and say I could have had her vaginally because I didn't. GRRRR


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## KKmama (Dec 6, 2001)

Checking in...

Judging others' cesareans... Let's see... I get mad *for* other moms when they express their sadness/anger/regret for having Cs pushed on them for no good reason. I get annoyed when people who don't know all the details make assumptions, though. All birth--including the cesarean version--is so individual. It's good to hear the whole story.


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## Henry's_Mamma (Jan 23, 2004)

Hi everyone! I'm a regular poster. Had my ds by unplanned and most likely very unncessary c/s almost 11 months ago (11/10/03).

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ladylee*
Throwing out a topic to see if anyone wants to talk about it-what emotions come up when you hear other women judging those who have had cesareans?

IRL this rarely happens to me. Most people I know just accept that c/s are a way of life. They don't question anything about birth or about their doctor's preferences or any of that stuff, so if the dr. says a c/s is a good idea (or any other intervention, for that matter), then they say ok.

However, I always feel strangely when among MDC or other AP/NFL types when I say I had a c/s. I always feel I have to defend myself. I admit, my c/s is probably quite a bit my fault -- I didn't choose a path to birth that would lessen my likelihood of a c/s, and probably made some choices that greatly increased my likelihood of one. But it IS NOT what I planned and people just can't understand how even though I was very educated, when it came down to it, I didn't know everything (who does) and I made some choices that at the time seemed like rational ones.

I guess, to try to be more coherent, I get angry at those who judge me. They weren't me, they weren't in my shoes, they don't have my ins. or my dh or any other issues that I had. I readily admit had I made different choices much earlier than labor (and some while in labor), I _may_ have avoided a c/s. But then again, who knows. And it is not their place to tell me I should've made different choices. And I really resent having it pointed out to me like I'm an idiot or deserve to be humiliated or some such thing for what happened. I already feel badly about the experience and sincerely regret it happening. I just wish people who judge would realize, especially around here, that most of us are scarred by the experience and the last thing we need is to be judged and persecuted. Instead, we should be supported and allowed to grieve, to grieve openly, to learn from our experiences, to learn from others, to help others who have fared similarly, to help others who may have to have a c/s for whatever reason, and to make the best birthing choices we can in the future whether that be VBAC or r/c/s. Just b/c this is a NFL community does not mean that no one here will ever have or need a c/s. That's impossible. People need to wake up and realize that.

Off my







now ... (I think someone hit a nerve).


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## J-Max (Sep 25, 2003)

Hi, I am a new poster in this thread, but I really need the support right now.

Henry's_Mamma - You echoed my thoughts about my first birth exactly. I was reading my own thoughts and feelings as I read your post.

I should introduce myself!
I am Jess, I am 24 and married to my wounderful dh for 6 years. I am pregnant with my third child and am planning my third c-section. My first, I planned a natural birth. I had been having contractions for 2 days that were 10 minutes apart and was leaking amniotic fluid. After over 48 hours of this and trying every home remedy I could find (walking, sex, hot food, bumpy ride, ect) I readily agreed to an induction. This started at 5:00 in the evening with cervix dialator gel. Pit was started at about noon the next day. The contractions came hard and fast and I never got up from bed (in too much pain). At about six, I gave in and asked for the epidural. I never progressed after this. By 2 AM the next morning, I gave in to dh and the doctors and agreed to the c-section. I had not slept in 3 days and did not care anymore. I actually fell asleep in the OR, once all the pain was gone.

My second birth, I wanted a VBAC and was still trying to find a doctor & hospital that would do one (we live in a very rural area). I ended up with PIH/pre-e. I spent 6 months on bed rest and had a c-section as soon as I reached 37 weeks (my bp was out of control)

I love my doctor and really like our hospital. We already have to travel over an hour to get there and it is close to both our families. We would have to go several hours the other dirction to possibly find somewhere I could VBAC. We have decided to stay with my doc and have a third c-section.

I have been having a really hard time dealing with the failure I feel because I have never had a vaginal birth.

Sorry this is so long, I hope I can find the help and support I need here.
Thanks!


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## Henry's_Mamma (Jan 23, 2004)

Jess ...







. I understand the falling asleep in the OR thing. Once dh & ds left for the nursery, I closed my eyes (while they were stitching me up) b/c I figured it was a good time to sleep. I was so tired. It freaked out the anesthesiologist, though.

Although I haven't been in your shoes, I often wonder if that is how I will feel if I do not VBAC next time around. I think that you just have to focus not on the birthing part but on the end result. You have nourished and loved 3 babies from your womb to your breast to the rest of the world. It ulimately doesn't matter how they got here, but that they are here and loved by you, their mother. You still birthed them.

Perhaps it would help you to draft a birth plan for this 3rd birth? I know a number of women on this thread (and previous issues of it) have done so for their r/c/s. I think it helps you feel more in control of your situation -- and leads to the birth you want, even if it is a r/c/s.

I don't have any more advice for you as I haven't been there, but I'm sure someone will pipe in with something more helpful. You need to grieve the lost experience and those feelings are valid and justified. And this is a SAFE place to work through that.


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## prmom (Jun 14, 2004)

Not to change the topic....but did any of you decide or are deciding not to have any more children b/c of the devastation of your birth experiences.

Dh and I had pretty much decided we only wanted two, but my failed vbac pretty much sealed the deal. My midwife informed me that they would make me schedule #3 and the thought of trying to hbac scares me, even though I know there are people who are more successful that way. I just pretty much have resigned myself to the fact that my c/b's were necessary, horrible , and I don't want to repeat it. Is that crazy?


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I wondered where you all were!!

I'maregular btuI've had 2c/bs. 1st unplanned in 02 and 2nd planned in January this year.

What do I think about the judging... IRL I get sympathy. NO one says I had the easy way out. No one gives me a hard time about it. I encounter most online.

My real struggle is talking with women going down the same path I went down that led to my first c/b.I warn them. But I think they blow me off because well, I had a c/b.

Example, on another website 2 girls have perfect pgs. One is 39 weeks. She goes to the ob and he says, you are doing great! Lets induce...c/b. Another has high bp and PUPPS. Theob says let induce...another c/b.

Breaks my heart.

Jess-- Its hard to realize but please don't feel like a failure. Once you have that first c/b its hardto get a hold of your births again. You are at the mercy of the ob or mw to handle your pg...

There are some awesome birth plans around here. I think mineis pretty good and I know that On The Fence has a good one that is really detailed.


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## a~...Mamacitaa~... (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi, i am new to this thread.
I had a vaginal birth with my first son, 4 years ago. When i found out that i was prego again i decided to do it all natural, labor mostly at home until i couldn't stand it and then go to the hopital.Yeah right. I was diabetic so i was watched really close. I had a sono at 36 week to get weight and size,Thats when it happed, my world fell apart. BRECH!! My ds was brech. I went in for a version, and it didn't work, 4 hours later my water broke. So we rushed to the hopital and it was going way to fast, a little under an hour later Joshua Mateo Josiah was born.


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## a~...Mamacitaa~... (Sep 18, 2004)

the problem i was having and still am I feel robbed. I know what it is like to have a natural cb. A c-section was unreal. I didn't work of this angel. I wanted to do so many different thing in labor, we had the whole bag packed and everything. I still feel like somethings wrong, don't get me wrong i love Mateo to death and he's perfect, I just can't explin it. To top it all off when he was born his blood suger dropped cause of my sugers, so he had to spend 2 days in NICU. Thw whole pregancy was a fight to stay preggo and then this happens. Just to get him i my room was a fight. Then when we get home , I end up ripping my inscion open then for the next 6 weeks having it packed each day. More babies scares me


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Amanda-- I would feel robbed. I think it is a different experience to have a vag deliery then a c/b. There are some womenthat here that have had that happen so I'm sure they'll have more advice. What I would find comfort in is that you know you can deliver vag. You've done it before. If you do decide to have any other children you would be a good candidate for VBAC simply because you've done it before and your c/b was sdue to breech. It was totally out of your hands. I'm sorry you had a bad time. There are so many joys in haing a newborn. Congrats!!

prmom-- there are several women who have almost decided not to have any more children because of their first experience. Not all of the are c/b moms! I remember one gal about a year ago terrified of getting pg again because f how her vag delivery was. I think it is a normal fear. Give it time.


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## gothmommy (Jul 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amanda721*
the problem i was having and still am I feel robbed. I know what it is like to have a natural cb. A c-section was unreal.


My 1st DS was vag, my 2nd was c-s for face presentation with a persistant posterior chin (if his chin was anterior, this would have been a non-issue and doc says I cuold have birthed him easily). I had a homebirth vbac completely on baby's and my own terms in May and although it was GREATLY healing for me, I still grieve that I cannot "heal" that experience for Nate (my c-s kiddo).

It was unreal, I still feel pain in my heart and discomfort in my incision area from it. I also still get people telling me that it was my own fault for even agreeing to go in to the hospital (I had wanted to UC, and in hindsight SHOULD HAVE because he only became a face presentation after the doc broke my water b/c Nate was still high and not engaged in my pelvis yet). I hear from some in the UC community that I failed my body and my baby and that Im wrong in thinking that a face presentation with posterior chin can't birth vaginally (that is where they are wrong).

Now in the mainstream community and with mainstream people I know, they all thought I was insane to want to VBAC (at HOME no less, LOL). I too hear people commenting on how c-s is soooo great because you can fit itinto your schedule, doc can fit it into their schedule, you pick baby's b-day and you don't have to labour and push a baby though your vagina (*gasp* the horror of it all!


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## bwylde (Feb 19, 2004)

Sandra, once upon a time I wanted a ton of kids. Having had a second c/s makes me rethink that. DH keeps mentioning when we have number 3, but I don't know if I can handle another c/s and I KNOW that's what would happen. We don't have birthing options here like I read about others having and my birth history just about seals it for me







. Hopefully I'll overcome it and reconsider as I love being a mother and know our family isn't done, but it's such a hard thing. It was so easy when it was just once and the possibility was there for a vaginal delivery. I'm also having a hard time dealing emotionally with things from my recovery, which may take me a long time. Physically, I still hurt and my incision is pretty gross 2 months later. Who knows how long I will truly heal this time


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

You know, you really ought to link the new thread to the old one when you start it. That way everyone who's on the old thread is notified that there's a new one.. unless you were just trying to avoid me?









I know this makes me different from everyone else, but my c/s (3 months ago) was a much much easier experience than my vaginal delivery (2 years ago). My son's birth was so difficult for me in so many ways, and the cesarean, while it was totally surreal, was much much easier. I had a shorter recovery time, much much less pain before during and after.. overall, it was an amazing and liberating experience for me. I always said that I think my son should have been a cesarean birth, and got a lot of comments about how much more difficult a c-section is. I guess it's true that you can't make that call beforehand, but now that I've had a c-section I know that I was right all along.









As far as the next baby-- assuming that the problems with BooBah's kidneys are not genetic (and it's not terribly likely that they are) we will probably begin TTC #3 when BooBah is around 20 months old. Birth-wise, I am hoping for an "unplanned" unassisted birth. It's not because I'm angry about the hospital or the doctors or anything like that; I plan to have the same OB care I had with BooBah, and to go to the hospital after the baby is born just as I would if it was truly an accidental homebirth. The thing is, I missed some experiences with both my son and my daughter that I've always wanted to have. I've never smelled vernix, or been the first person to touch my brand new baby and look into their eyes. I've never been the first person to kiss or hold my baby, I've never seen an umbilical cord or placenta in real life, and I want those things. I decided that it's not fair, I should get to be the first person to touch/see/talk to my baby, and dammit, I'm going to next time.







That's all. I just want to be the first.

It's fairly ironic that it took a c-section to make me realize that birth can, in fact, be painless. I know that the experience will be different, but I'm looking forward to it none the less. My husband is nervous about it, because he remembers my screams during my son's birth as, well, the most terrible experience of his life. (I have very little memory of it; I blacked out from the pain







) I'm confident that things will be different this time, because quite frankly I refuse to labor for that long again (4.5 days, counting not from the first really painful contraction but from when my water broke. The first really painful, stop-and-breathe contraction which began a definate, strong labor pattern came some two or three months before he was born.







). Still, I think I can manage a UC, and I'm determined to be the first person to touch my baby so that's what I'm planning for the moment.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Such a long post and I didn't even answer the first question.

I get ticked off at people who judge those who've had cesareans, I always have. Just look at my posts in the "C-Section Vent" thread(s). I see a lot of judgement and no plan of action to change things, just people b****ing and moaning about how god awful the system is and how stupid people are for thinking that homebirthers are crazy, they're just so persecuted and it's so unfair because they're the only people who are right...







:







And when I ask them "well, what are you doing about this horrible system, aside from whining about it here?" they get all pissed off at me, as if I made the system what it is.







I've never gotten a straight answer, but I've gotten a lot of people really pissed off at me, enough so that some of their posts have actually gotten threads pulled. Whatever! I just don't think it's right to judge people you don't know in situations which are not intimately familiar to you and to complain about them here, when you're not doing anything to help anyone deal with it or to change the system. Grow up, already!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

well, I just said baout 4 posts ago that I've never had anyone IRL make a comment.

I was wrong. My mom said to me about an hour ago that anyone who would rather experience the "pain and agony" of childbirth over a c/b needs to have their head examined.

I told her I would much rather have a had a vag birth. She said, well ya the recovery from a c/b stinks but face it its "just" childbirth.

I about cried. I think that was the cruelest thing she had ever said about this. The worst part is that she has no idea how much missing a vag birth affects me.


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## Al Dente (Jan 8, 2004)

just checking in...babe asleep on my lap, so I'll bbl...


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## saritabeth (Jun 25, 2004)

Sigh...I feel really sad to say that the day my dd was born was not the happiest day of my life....Yes I was very very happy to have my daughter at long last, but the whole birth just went so very differently so very quickly than I had anticipated, that I still feel sad, robbed, and annoyed. I am greatful that both of us are fine, but the whole c-section threw me for a loop.
I too feel like I have to constantly explain myself which annoys me even more. I have found good support here.
I do not feel like I *failed* but I am scared to death of another birth like dd's. I went all the way through labor unmedicated, pushed for 4 hours, then had an epidural, then had a c-section. Crappy crappy, crappy! It took me 2 weeks to not feel like a basket case...hard to say if it was baby blue's due to hormones, the pain meds, or just down right depression at the many interventions that happened.
Now, I feel fantastic! I never believed that I would feel this good again (five months pp). I am worried that I will get all the way to the end again and not be able to deliver my baby.

anyway....I do feel defensive about my birth. I feel like it could have been so different. The thing that pisses me off the most though, was that no one showed me my baby for 20 minutes







No one said if there was something wrong (there wasn't as far as I could tell) and they didn't bring her to me until I started demanding to see my baby as they were stitching me up. My dh was right with me just as scared as I was and just as anxious to see dd. I wanted to **see** my baby lifted up over the curtain at the very least....WTF?! She is MY baby after all!!!!! sorry for the







: rant....I just get really mad sometimes even though I think my c-section was warrented and necessary. It just really sucked.


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

I overheard someone (a man no less),make a comment to a young girl who had a new baby by c/s. He said something to the effect of "taking the easy way out"

I 'bout came unglued. Since I've had a c/s, a vbac, and planning another c/s I feel I have the room to talk.

I told her in no uncertain terms (and right in front of the man) to never let anyone tell her she took the "easy" way. Based on the information she had, she made the choice to put her body through a major surgery and give up the "perfect" birth idea for the sake of her child. That's being a mother in every sense of the word!


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

BTW - where can I find out more about c/s birth plans?


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## a~...Mamacitaa~... (Sep 18, 2004)

people don't understand. We get judged from both angles. On one hand people are like a painless birth hck ya, on th eother hand people are like you could have had a vag birth. In my case, All I heard was women give birth to breech babies all the time, how do you think they did it before c-sections.GRRRRR, try walking in my shoes







. I already had a vag birth and then a section. People(not evevn my husband) know the guily and hurt feeling i have, or how much i have cried b/c of this. I NEED SOME SERIOUS THERAPY!!!!! Iwouldn't wish a secton on my worst enemy


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Meagan, that was a really cruel thing for your mother to say.









I'm sorry you ladies have had such bad experiences with this. My sister had two unplanned, uncomplicated, very fast labors & deliveries and when she saw me getting my hep lock she freaked. "Remind me never to have a cesarean," she said. "I hate needles." She was horrified just thinking about the spinal, she got totally pale while the anesthesiologist was talking to me.

My sister's second child was born at 42 weeks, 5 days; she turned from breech to vertex several times in the last few weeks like she was doing somersaults and didn't drop until a few hours before labor, but she never prolapsed her cord or had any problems with that. Then my sister nearly dropped her on the floor, because at the hospital they wanted her to climb onto the bed during a contraction. My sister said "No, if I do she'll fall out!" She was crowning when she got up there.

Best of all, the nurses had tried to send my sister home, and had actually called a cab for her about half an hour before my niece was born. She wasn't admitted to the hospital until after the birth, and they changed the time on her papers because they didn't legally have permission to deliver my niece at the time.









At least she knows she's got no place to comment on the c-section, or even on the horror show of a vaginal delivery that was BeanBean's birth.







She says that if she gets pregnant again, she expects it'll be nine pound twins and she'll drop them on the living room floor. :LOL (Her first was 7 lbs 6, her second 8 lbs 6, so she's sure that the third baby(ies) will be 9 lbs 6).


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

Quote:

All I heard was women give birth to breech babies all the time, how do you think they did it before c-sections.
Yes women did, but there were also a lot of bad outcomes. We can't forget that. I know there had to be mothers who saw their daughters suffer greatly and even die during childbirth. They had to be praying for the day when women could deliver safely in the face of complications.

There are a lot of things women used to do that I'm glad we don't have to do now.

They made childbirth safer for us. We in turn, can make childbirth better for our daughters. (By having these discussions and taking the best from the past and the best of modern science)

I think many of us (me included) have an idealized view of vaginal birth. I have to admit that I don't remember much of Brody's birth. It's all very hazy (and I didn't take any mind altering pain meds). I had longed for a vag birth for the whole 8 years since the twins' birth. I was disappointed with myself for not being more aware and making it the magical moment I had envisioned. All I remember feeling is "thank God he's out" I had a lot of tearing that had to be repaired, so that took time away from my "plan"

So, this time, I am thanking my foremothers for making sure that birth in the US can be safe for me and my baby. My daughters are going to see me being in charge and making the best choices for me and the baby (Rylie ?), that they don't have to fear childbirth. That I don't have to listen to what anyone else thinks birth "should" be. I make my decisions based on what is best for OUR family. That I am researching ways to make the experience more family centered. (apparently it has made great strides since my '93 section)

Yowsers. I didn't realize I had so much to say! I got pancakes to make!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whimsy*
There are a lot of things women used to do that I'm glad we don't have to do now.

They made childbirth safer for us. We in turn, can make childbirth better for our daughters. (By having these discussions and taking the best from the past and the best of modern science)


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## tuffykenwell (Oct 23, 2002)

whimsy said:


> Yes women did, but there were also a lot of bad outcomes. We can't forget that. I know there had to be mothers who saw their daughters suffer greatly and even die during childbirth. They had to be praying for the day when women could deliver safely in the face of complications. /QUOTE]
> 
> But according to all of the research I have read cesearean delivery of breech babies doesn't actually improve outcomes when compared to vaginal breech with an experienced practitioner (although I think that may not be true of transverse and footling breeches which I think are the most dangerous to try to deliver vaginally).
> 
> ...


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tuffykenwell*
But according to all of the research I have read cesearean delivery of breech babies doesn't actually improve outcomes when compared to vaginal breech with an experienced practitioner (although I think that may not be true of transverse and footling breeches which I think are the most dangerous to try to deliver vaginally).

Could you post a few links, please? I'm just curious. My daughter was a footling breech with a prolapsed cord, and I'm fairly certain that it would have been dangerous to deliver her vaginally (no fluid left to buffer, the cord was coming before the feet, and was wrapped around her neck) even with an experienced practitioner... but I'm very curious as to what the research indicates.


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## Sitara (Sep 27, 2004)

Hey everyone!

I'm glad to have found this thread. Thank you for starting it.

Yes I get the comments, from all kinds of people, unsupportive off the wall comments that tick me off. I've just stoped telling people about my c/section all together as of now.

I had a c/section on september 3 of this year. I feel robbed. It was my first labor / delivery, my first child.... ( who is absolutly perfect by the way )

but i was so prepared for everything directed twords a vaginal birth. we took bradley classes,were planning a birthing centerbirth, i'm just devastated that it ended up the way it did.

uh oh daughters up will post more soon. hugs and empathy to you all


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## Al Dente (Jan 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whimsy*
BTW - where can I find out more about c/s birth plans?

OnTheFence has a great c/b plan written up that she's shared before. Hopefully she'll pop in and do so.









I really don't get comments. I'm the one that explains. It's as if it's so "normal" to have a c/b now that no one really cares that I HAD to have one.

I was thinking last night...what if I'm in the same situation (43 wks, no dilation/effacement/etc/, baby malpositioned with dropping heartrates) with my next pregnancy? Will I go straight to c/b? Will I be able to trust my body to do it better than the last time?


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

Quote:

Of course nowadays trying to find an experienced practitioner is almost impossible and that makes me mad!
ITA


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## ladylee (Nov 20, 2001)

elionwy-I usually do cross-reference links on the previous thread, but overlooked it this time. I'm just another busy mom who bumps this corner of Birth and Beyond up whenever I can-but I'm not here very often. Perhaps someone else can start a new thread each month-I only do it to begin with if I see there hasn't been any action for a few days. It would be great if everyone took a minute to check and see that it stays front and center. Everyone take care!


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## Henry's_Mamma (Jan 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whimsy*
Yes women did, but there were also a lot of bad outcomes. We can't forget that. I know there had to be mothers who saw their daughters suffer greatly and even die during childbirth. They had to be praying for the day when women could deliver safely in the face of complications.

There are a lot of things women used to do that I'm glad we don't have to do now.

They made childbirth safer for us. We in turn, can make childbirth better for our daughters. (By having these discussions and taking the best from the past and the best of modern science)

I think many of us (me included) have an idealized view of vaginal birth. I have to admit that I don't remember much of Brody's birth. It's all very hazy (and I didn't take any mind altering pain meds). I had longed for a vag birth for the whole 8 years since the twins' birth. I was disappointed with myself for not being more aware and making it the magical moment I had envisioned. All I remember feeling is "thank God he's out" I had a lot of tearing that had to be repaired, so that took time away from my "plan"

So, this time, I am thanking my foremothers for making sure that birth in the US can be safe for me and my baby. My daughters are going to see me being in charge and making the best choices for me and the baby (Rylie ?), that they don't have to fear childbirth. That I don't have to listen to what anyone else thinks birth "should" be. I make my decisions based on what is best for OUR family. That I am researching ways to make the experience more family centered. (apparently it has made great strides since my '93 section)

Thank you for saying all of this. I think you're right on a lot of points.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Well, since I have relied on the wisdom of Mama's who have "been there, done that" for more months than I can count, the time has come that I introducce myself and become a part of the group!
In May of 2002 I gave birth to my 1st DD and it was anything but a experience to remember - she had decels inconsistiently for hours, but my Dr. was determined to let me avoid a C/S. When I couldn't tolerate the pain anymore, I chose to have an epi..which failed to numb my right side...second epi dose - no help, pull the line, try again (traumatic for me since I get woozy when I have blood drawn!) finaly success. After pushing for 2 1/2 hours, Dr tried the vacuum with no luck, and she left me for a few moments to regain my strength and when she returned the decels were once again scary so she said you have one more try and if no baby, C/S it will be. Luckily with the assistance of the forcepts, my girl was born and the reason she didn't want to come out was immediately apparent - nuchal cord x 4! My DD was rushed to the NICU immediately since they had never sen a cord wrapped so many times and she remained there until released 3 days later. Needless to say breastfeeding never worked, but I did pump for 6 weeks till the raw nipples got the best of me.
Fast forward to January 2004, now in labor with my 2nd DD and her water is stained with mec and she too is having decels...after 1 hour of pushing I began begginf for a C/S so that I would hopefully avoid another traumatic birth. Dr agreed, but only if I continued to push for 1 more hour - she had more faith in me than I did! Unfortunately my sweetie was hanging on with her toes to my ribcage and off to the OR we went! My C/S was much easier than I ever thought, 1 hour later I moved myself to my own bed and I was up and walking 5 hours later. Often I feel as if I have to justify to some why I "gave up" and asked for the C/S, I simply reply that if a C/S would guarrantee that my baby would avoid the NICU, iI'd do it again in a heartbeat!

Sorry this was so long, I just feel I have to prove my membership by telling my story! Thank you all for letting me be a member of this brave group of women - C/S doesn't make you less of a Mommy, just a person who did what they had to do for the best of her child!

Colleen


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

Colleen - I totally agree. Having a baby in the NICU is not great. (I actually had one baby in NICU and the other in level 2 nursery 2 hours away) Another one of those things I'm thankful to have, but would prefer to avoid all together if possible.


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

hi, i'm new here, was over on the October due date club. my daughter was born via emergency cesearean last Friday 10/15, 5lbs 13oz and 22"







i don't doubt that i absolutely needed the cesearean - i'd been in labor for 30 hours, stuck at transition for a while then my cervix was getting less dilated and less effaced with each exam. i had my husband and 2 doulas with me and they made sure i was never alone and that Willow nursed as soon as possible (right after i was taken to recovery).

i asked about AROM on my own, even asked for 2 hours to decide. no one pushed any interventions on me. Willow never descended past -3 station at any point in the labor ... it turns out she had a short cord which was wrapped twice around her neck that she was pulling downwards on, she never could have come out on her own. everyone says i did really well to labor so long, to be in control of my birth experience from the start, to labor naturally until hour 26 and to handle the rapidly changing circumstances with a little stadol after that. there was a lot of meconium but apparently she couldn't swallow any because of the cord wrap? in any case, we are both very lucky girls









i know i'd be doing better if i could sleep more than a half hour here and there. it's not the normal newborn sleep deprivation, Willow nurses so well and sleeps most of the day. i don't know what's wrong!

is it normal after c-birth to not be able to feel your bladder needs emptying, even when you're going? and also is it normal to not feel when you have to go poop? i felt a weird pressure internally this morning and ran to the bathroom just in time, i pooped a lot but couldn't feel a thing inside or out down there, it was horrifying!!

peace,
meli


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## srmina (Sep 10, 2004)

Hi, I'm new to this thread too. I have never had anyone criticize the fact that I got a c/s the first time around, IRL or online, and now I am most likely having another one in March and no one has criticized that either. Actually, most people think I am nuts for even considering VBAC, although at this point the docs say it really is not a viable option for me.

But I guess my experience is a little different than most c/s, or at least a little more dramatic! My dd1's cord ruptured in utero at the onset of labor (at home). She "died" between the time we got to the hospital and I made it onto the operating table, but was fortunately revived. She almost died several more times during her 33 days in the NICU and has multiple disabilities, feeding tube, cerebral palsy, seizures, etc. If it were not for a c/s, there would be no way for her to have survived. So nobody at all criticizes this decision.

And after what we went though with her birth and now her lifelong disabilities, I think that no one would dare criticize me for having a repeat c/s. The docs still are uncertain of the likelihood of what I had repeating itself, so in my case it seems prudent to just go with the safe way for a healthy baby.

On the positive side, I am really looking forward to being awake during this c/s! And getting to breastfeed without the assistance of a pump (my dd1 cannot suck)!


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## prmom (Jun 14, 2004)

I just want to say thanks to those of you who have had a v/b and a c/b for lovingly reminding me that both can be scary. I think I have a VERY idealized concept of a vaginal birth and forget that I have two beautiful children who survived birth as well as myself surviving thanks to c/b. I am going through one of my episodes where I am tired of being ashamed of my c/b. So just wanted to say thanks to all for validating each other's experiences.


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

one unexpected side effect of c-birth for me ... i can't read birth stories







i used to love reading them especially here, but now i just start crying and crying. jealousy, grief, anger, whatever ... it just hurts too much









i'm Buddhist and there's a teaching, "turning poison into medicine" so i always try to do that with every situation. the first time i touched my scar in the hospital, i wept, i felt sad about it but also i could feel how special it is that Willow came from it. so some day i'm going to get a tattoo over the scar, a little spiral right in the center, to remind me that i now have two "birth canals."

peace,
meli


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mellybean*
i'm Buddhist and there's a teaching, "turning poison into medicine" so i always try to do that with every situation. the first time i touched my scar in the hospital, i wept, i felt sad about it but also i could feel how special it is that Willow came from it. so some day i'm going to get a tattoo over the scar, a little spiral right in the center, to remind me that i now have two "birth canals."

That's so beautiful!
















T I don't think I'll ever get a tattoo anywhere near my scar-- I'm much too fat, and then there's that pesky problem of being terrified of tattoo allergies... :LOL I still think it's a really neat idea, though. My sister has a scar on her forearm from a fungal infection she had, and she had it covered with a tattoo.


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

Quote:

i felt sad about it but also i could feel how special it is that Willow came from it

I love that!!! Something for us all to keep in mind!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I like the thought of he scar being special because that is where my babies came from.

I had the same idea for a tat but unfortunately you can't get it tatted on because most likely the ink won't take







So, I'm going to settle for around it.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Colleen-- We have babies with almost the same bdays!! Tracy was born 4/26/02 and Bryce was born 1/29/04!!

nuchal x4 that is scary! You totally didn't giv up. You pushed for 2 hours. You do what you feel is best and be confident in that!


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

I didn't look at my scar for several weeks - it just scared me!

Megan - what a coincidence with the birthdays! Were your babies both "trouble makers" with their births requiring c-sections or just one?

Thankfully I have babies with extremely long cords otherwise Katie wouldn't be here today - and she has not suffered any from extremely traumatic birth - at 2 she was 36 inches tall!

Even after I tell people about her birth, I sometimes get the feeling as if they don't understand why that led me to be so open to a c-section with Maddie...after Katie's birth where my parents, MIL, and SIL saw her in the nursery before I did more than 4 hours later I knew that I would move heaven abd earth to make sure that I would be the first to hold my second little miracle, even if I did have to wait 45 minutes to do it!

Colleen


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Tracy was a failed induction...I was ignorant and the ob c/b happy.

Bryce was a planned c/b after not knowing whether he wanted to be had down or head up face down or face up. I dilated to almost 2 and then closed up within a week... I said, screw it!


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Oh not fun at all - nothing better than stubborn babies!

Katie was 16 hours of labor, 2 failed epidurals, one successful epidural, 2 + hours of pushing, and one BIG push with the much appreciated assistance of the forceps, but I can be proud and say no tear and episiotomy, Dr. never even brought it up!

Maddie was 2 hours of labor, arrive at the hospital dialated to 8, 1 hour later, dialated to 10 with bulging waters, water breaks, back to 8, successful epi, push like mad for 2 hours with NO progress since she was hanging from my ribs by her toes, ending in a relatively easy c/s with a not so bad recovery!

Did I fail to mention that both had mec staining of their water...but how I do love my troublemaking little ladies!

All I want to know is if my "C/S flap" will ever leave my stomach!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Will the flap leave...don't count on it







i hear they stay forever!! I'm having mine removed









Tracy I only dilated to 4 (might have been 3). I had 16 hours of no meds but the pit. I didn't dialte farther than I was when I walked in the door. The pit did nothing but stress out my uterus "border on uterine rupture" is what the ob said. Tracy was a champ. Never had a decel! With Bryce I dilated to almost 2 then to nothing. The day he was born I was barely effaced and about 1cm. I scheduled the c/b 4 days before it happened. I was with a mw practice and a bc and I left them at 34 weeks because I HATED them.

My ob was absolutely awesome! She was in her 60s too. She was in the paper when Bryce was 2 weeks old. Everyone was horrifed she was in there. I didn't think it was a big deal. Her, her wife and daughter were holding a sign about gay marriage. I think shes awesome!! She had had a mastectomy too. I didn't realize this until she was in the OR. She wears her "fakes" to the office. She was also an ob in Africa for 4 years and planned on going back when she retired. Her goal was to reduce the number of maternal deaths by bringing her expertise and hopefully some grant money to open clinics... Man she was awesome! I'd go back to her in a heartbeat.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

What an amazing OB! It makes a world of difference if the Dr is someone that you not only respect as a Dr but that you like as a person! My OB practice has 5 docs - 2 of which are women and I truly lucked out with both of my births and had the female docs on call! Personally I felt more comfortable with the women when it came to the later stages of pregnancy and delivery - I was comforted by the fact that they both had recently given birth and could basically say "been there done that". Your doc sounds like she has a world of experience, seen a little bit of everything, which is an awesome quality in a doc - she fought her own battle with cancer and, I would imagine, would better understand a mama's need to feel in control of her pregnancy and birth, whether it be c/s or natural. Sure makes it easier to consider doing it all over again when you have a doc you love to take the trip with you!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I found my ob through my friend Debbie. She had 2 kids withthis practice already. It was an all woen practice. One woman I coulndt stand. One was kinda eh. One was alraught. The other was the one I loved. The one I couldn't stand had no knowledge about vbac at all. SHe kept saying we would induce at 41weeks becaue pit never killed anyone







I gave her a piece of my mind and told her if she needed to do some research on vbac before spouting off at the mouth!

I think the reason the ob I loved liked me was because I was very informed. I'm a firm believer in that if you know what you are talking about and can back it up you get respect from drs. If not then at least you know who o stay away from!

With her I was vbac and she told me at any point I could call her and set up my repeat date if I chose. Or I could wait till 42 weeks. I could change my mind in labor. If at any point I was uncomfortable with my decision she would do her best to make me feel better or change the situation. She was awesome!


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

Mellybean's post really got me thinking.......

The idea of honoring my scar has changed the way I view my body and my c/s experience.

Something else that really helped was when the girls got old enough for me to tell them about their birth. Of course, I didn't want them to hear negative things about their birth. I did tell them I was sad that a c/s was necessary, but then go right on with the story. Hearing them cry, seeing their faces, wondering if I'd ever be able to tell them apart, how their daddy stayed with them when I couldn't, how he beamed as he was telling me about them, how it seemed half the town was there to welcome them into the world, how my big burly DH turned as gentle as a butterfly taking care of "his 3 girls" (me and the twins), when I finally got to hold them (they were preemies and had to stay in nursery) etc.

They still like to talk about how they are so special to daddy because he got to hold them first. (I try not to let them know how sad I was about that)

Anyway.....it was really healing for me to present the story to them in a positive light. I had spent so much time focusing on the negative parts of it, I overlooked the positive parts.

So, here's a challenge.....how 'bout if we write up our beautiful c/s birth stories to share? I had to really look to see some of the positive things, but I wanted them to have a beautiful story to tell about their birth.

Anyone? Anyone?


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I can do that. If you read my birth story about Bryce you will see the positive. I felt so much different about his birth.

Tracy's birth is the one that positives can be difficult. So many things were surrounding the circumstances of his birth that it can be hard. It is also hard because I believe it was my lack of patience that led to his birth. But after Bryce's finally weeks in utero I wonder if it would have been any different an outcome...

I'll findmy birth story link fromBryce...

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=120755

Now I'll get Tracy's
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ad.php?t=89346

While I said Tracy's was a wonderufl experience I don't thinkit was quite that wonderful > it hink the day I wrote his story I was feeling positive.







I wasn't scared about the c/b. I knew we would be fine. I mourned the loss of my lost birth. I still mourn it...


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

My c-birth story is fairly positive, I think. As I've said before, I think that BooBah's birth (emergency section) really helped me to get over the trauma of BeanBean's birth (horrific vaginal). The stress of his birth was so much more difficult to deal with than it needed to be because people kept saying "you're so lucky you didn't have a c-section," or "if it was really that bad, you'd have had a c-section," and such things. I always knew that BeanBean should have been a c-section and that it would have been less stressful for me and him if I had had one. Now that I have, I know that I was correct.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason; one month after BeanBean was born, I learned why we had had the birth experience that we did. Even though I understand, I still resent all the pain and misery surrounding his birth. It wasn't a problem of me not trusting my body (because if I had gone on instinct alone I'd have demanded a section) it was the issue of me feeling like perhaps my doctor, who had already had some babies, might have a good idea of what was going on. She didn't; she was just a jerk.







I wanted everything to be different with BooBah, so I got a male doctor. He was smart, relaxed, and thoughtful; he was never condescending or rude (which my first dr. was, frequently). When I told him that I wanted to hold and nurse BooBah until the cord stopped pulsing, he wrote it into my chart; when I said that I wanted to hold off on the Hep B and that I wanted to be the first to bathe her, he said "no problem." Everything was looking great, right up until she turned around, "broke" her amniotic sac and prolapsed her cord.









The surgeon who did the c-section was a man who didn't like to do them. He told me, "Just today, we did heroic things so that two other women could have vaginal deliveries, but I know when to hold 'em and I know when to fold 'em, and I think that a c-section would be the safest thing to do in your case, and that we should do it as soon as possible." The whole experience was surreal, but it was really great overall.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

In a weird way my last c/b gave me confidence to have a vbac. I just wasn't conident in the idea of it when I was pg with Bryce, I liked the sound of it but that was it. Now if I were to have another I KNOW I could do it.

I found out that Cincinnati, where I ahd Tracy, has the highet c/b rate in the country.... makes sense why my ob had the attitude he did.


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## srmina (Sep 10, 2004)

Can somebody answer my silly questions?

With my first child, my c/s was done emergently under general. She went to the NICU; I went to the surgical floor. I saw her for about 5 min. on the way to the surgical floor and then had to wait about 24 hrs. until I could get out of bed to see her again (hard recovery from general; catheterized for 2 days, no oral intake for 2 days).

What I want to know is about after the c/s. Since this time I will be awake, I want to be able to hold the baby ASAP, nurse ASAP, be in a room with the baby, etc. How long did the ladies here have to wait before being able to do these things?

I guess since I was not able to hold my dd for two weeks and have never been able to nurse her (she can't suck but got 13.5mo of expressed breastmilk), I just really long for that early bonding experience. Did people find they were able to start this process as early as they wanted? Thanks.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *srmina*
What I want to know is about after the c/s. Since this time I will be awake, I want to be able to hold the baby ASAP, nurse ASAP, be in a room with the baby, etc. How long did the ladies here have to wait before being able to do these things?









I wasn't able to hold BeanBean when he was born, either; I had a siezure during his delivery, he went to NICU and I was on mag sulfate and didn't get to see him until he was 22 hours old. It was likewise very important to me that I get to hold BooBah as soon as possible.

I had a spinal for her birth, and I was completely wiped afterwards. I got to see her right away, but I couldn't move my arms (they were straight out to my sides, felt kind of funny) or sit up to hold her. I went to PACU for an hour after she was born and slept the whole time; Mike went with BooBah to the nursery. On the way to my room, I got to hold her briefly, and then once I was there the nurses helped me get situated while Mike brought the BooBah to me.









She was able to room in with me as long as Mike spent the night too, (because I'd had surgery, so I couldn't get up with her right away) so he did and BooBah spent her first night attached to my boob. It was a totally different experience from her brother, who had a hard time latching on initially, and I didn't get to nurse him for two days, and even then it was in the NICU and not in my own room where I controlled the temperature and the lights.

I wouldn't be surprised if every hospital was different, but let them know in your birth plan that you want to hold and nurse the baby ASAP.


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

My sister had a c/s a little over a year ago. Our OB was/is great about the bonding thing (his wife had 1 horrible vag birth followed by 5 c/s)

The procedure in our local hospital is that the baby can stay with you the whole time (except for when they weigh & measure - just as a vag birth would) except if the health of the baby or mom prohibit it. You recover in your room vs. the surgery recovery like when I had mine.

I plan to get more information as I get closer to due date. It's still up in the air which way this birth will go.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

After my January c/s, my baby girl was brought to me about 30 minutes after her birth in my recovery room and my entire family was allowed in to meet her!


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

I had an emergency c/s with dd (after prostagladin gel induction and pushing for 5 1/2 hours).

The surgeon was very awesome. He allowed my dh and my doula to come in to the surgical suite with us, my doula even took photos of my dd's birth. Admittedly they took some time to look at but I really appreciate them now.

My dd never left me after the birth. She came to recovery with me and when we were both stable (she much faster than I) they took a large piece of cloth and tied her to my chest.

We then were admitted into a room in the hospital and a very detailed and kind nurse stayed with us for 3 hours to help us with the nursing. This was at 1 in the morning and I was just whipped, but if it wasn't for that nurse I would more than likely have relented and supplemented, not knowing the slippery slope I was already on.

It took me about 2 1/2 years to become enpowered by dd's birth and not try to 'what if' my way out of my feelings.

She is now almost three, and we are still co-sleeping, breastfeeding and I carry her when I can (in a backpack).

I wanted to tell my story to let all the mom's reading this who are having a c-birth, that it can be a gentle birth, your baby can stay with you, just make your needs known!

I would have loved to have had a homebirth, a non-intervention birth but I did not. The road to heal from that was long, but it has to be walked.








to you all.


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## bwylde (Feb 19, 2004)

Both times it was about 3 hours from birth until I could see them (DH and our families were able to see them about 10 minutes after birth). I had a general each time, so I was a long time in recovery. When I was brought to my room and family, I was kind of out of it, but I tried breastfeeding right away. Thankfully they both took to it.

I had planned to be awake the second time, but circumstances didn't permit it and I was devestated!! That was the big thing I felt I needed for me to accept another c-section and it tore me apart when I was told I'd have to be put to sleep again







.

There are some things I'm still trying to deal with from my hospital experience that is making it hard. I still haven't made my 6 week check up appointment as I don't want to face the OB again (it's been 2 and a half months). I am fine otherwise, just resentful at the care (or lack of







: ) that I got.


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

s to you bwlyde

Hospital experiences can be so negative! I had one nurse actually tell me that I was breastfeeding wrong, I needed to supplement and that I would not be able to provide for my dd.

What a crock, I am still bfing three years later!


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

Willow's birth story: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=208575
i forgot to put this in my story, but it's definitely something that's affecting me emotionally. my OB had actually gotten hostile when i gave her my birth plan around 36 weeks, i think she thought "oh great yet another birth plan mom" ... her attitude changed SO much, i think after she realized i was really committed to my birth plan. i remember when we were talking about Willow not dropping from -3, i reached for her hand and she sat on the bed with me and held my hand. she came to see me the day after surgery and sat on the bed and held my hand again and even hugged me and said i had done such a good job. that really got to me, seeing her more as a person than a doctor. that being said, just the thought of the 6-week exam leaves me icy cold! i'll probably skip it unless something's troubling me.

peace,
meli


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *srmina*
What I want to know is about after the c/s. Since this time I will be awake, I want to be able to hold the baby ASAP, nurse ASAP, be in a room with the baby, etc. How long did the ladies here have to wait before being able to do these things?

i wasn't able to hold or touch Willow in the OR because the spinal numbed my whole body and i couldn't move. as soon as they took me back to my room, Willow was already there and my doula latched her on for me! i definitely recommend having someone help you with that first latch just in case you can't, it was weird just lying there and not feeling it but it was so awesome seeing the amazed look on her face when she tasted her first mama-milk







(if we hadn't done that it would have been another hour-and-a-half!) i was able to room in only because my husband took care of me, he latched her on when i was too weak to sit up or roll to my side.

peace,
meli


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Tracy left the Or with me and didn't leave my side. Bryce was taken to the nursey fo rthe 25 minute sew up and 10 minutes in my room Then he came to me.

Mell-- I was afrad my ob would have the same reaction with my bp. I handed it to her and said, This is what I want. What can you do about it??

Sh elooked it over and was very pleased. She lvoed informed moms and loved beibng informed about what they wanted. She would do everything possible to make my list happen. She was going to ask me towrite a bp but I handed it to her before she got the chance.

I think the biggest thing not followed was that I wanted to ee the placenta. I didn't get to







I'm sure if I would have thoguht about it I could have. But I didn't even remember until 3 weeks later!

The stuff in my bp about Bryce and no paci wasn't followed but they asked permission first. He was in special care and was upset unless sucking. So, I ok'ed it. He doesn' ake paci now and hasn' since he was about 3 months old.

A Bp is the best thing you can do, whether or not your ob likes it. Then you have your wishes in writing. They have acopy and if you need it for later..why did you do this when you were specificlly instructed NOT to?? type thing you have ammo.


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## Mother2Amaya (Jun 4, 2004)

WARNING: MAY BE TMI....

I'm new and will have to post my birth trauma story later but had a question...

I had Amaya by unplanned C-section in April 2004. I got a Depo shot in the hospital (bad, I know) and though I never bleed with Depo, continued to bleed until 3 months after I had her. Then I stopped at about the time I got the second shot for about 3 weeks, and then started up again and have been bleeding since then (maybe TMI... sorry!) and soemtimes will see clots/tissue... I don't have medical insurance anymore, so I'm worried about it and not sure if it's normal or could be retained placenta or what!!

Has anyone had a similar experience after their C/S ??

Amy


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I've never heard of that... but I don't know much about Depo. I didn't evn know they could give it to you so early PP.

You might want to ask in the Health and Healing forum if no one here can help ya.

Oh and welcome!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I've never heard of anything like that either. In fact, I was told that most women who have c/s (where I delivered) actually have less bleeding, because the doctor does a bit of cleaning up afterwards.

My sister got a shot of depo in the delivery room after each of her children was born. Her pp bleeding was very short, both times, and she didn't get her periods until she went off of the shot.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

with DS they let me see him while they were sewing me up. that was after they cleaned him and weighed him. as though he would weigh in differently if they had waited an hour. then I did not have him in recovery. they did not bring him to me until four hours later after I was in my room screaming at everyone to bring me my baby. I had PPD after his birth and still relive it daily. its a long long story.
While I still ended up with an unplanned c/s for DD I was adamant before and during the durgery that I get her ASAP. DH was all over the nurses and I got my baby right away, had her in recovery and she has been with me every moment since. Thank God, because if I had to relive my hospital expereince with DS I would be in therapy right now, and am actually considering it anyway, since DD is not even 8 weeks and already I am thnking about #3 and planning a HBA2C.


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

Wow - tons of activity since I was here last!

I had my first (and only, so far) baby as a planned c-section due to breech presentation. Tried everything, and the little guy just wouldn't turn!

I too have a hard time reading and hearing other women's birth stories, but I'm happy to report that it has gotten better and easier with time. I'm sad that I didn't get to experience labor, and sometimes my scar itches and I get angry about it all again, but for the most part I'm getting past it. DS is so wonderful and so exciting every day that I just can't spend a lot of energy on yesterday.

I had a great OB who I was referred to by my homebirth midwives - he was taking care of another patient of theirs who was also breech (our babies were born 3 days apart). He was really supportive and just a wonderful guy. I went to him to get a version, and he was totally supportive of the idea that if the version succeeded I would go on with my original plan to have a homebirth. Needless to say, it didn't succeed, and he ended up delivering my little guy.

I wrote a birth plan, which really helped me to take some ownership in my c/s. Going from planned homebirth to planned c/s was a big transition for me, and I did a ton of journaling during that time to work through my feelings and concerns. My birth plan is in that journal at http://www.livejournal.com/users/tammylc/276736.html. My "processing" of the transition starts around April 6th, if anyone's interested in checking out those journal entries. I also got a lot of support from all of the wonderful mamas here at MDC.

Thanks to all of the mental preparation I was able to do, DS's birth was mostly a pretty positive experience for me. DH was touching him within a couple of minutes of him being born and held him beside my head as they were stitching me up. We were only separated for a little while right at the end of my surgery before they moved me to recovery, and DH was with him the whole time. As soon as we got to recovery I was able to hold DS and try to nurse him. Nursing turned out to be another huge challenge, but eventually we got over that too, and six months later DS is a total boob man!

Well, just wanted to throw out some of my experiences. I hope I can help other women who are facing similar circumstances. I've gotten so much help and support from this website that I want to be able to give back to others!


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## srmina (Sep 10, 2004)

Thanks ladies for sharing all of your post c-section experiences with me. I talked to my midwife about it this week (I see both a midwife and an OB at alternating visits...much prefer the midwife LOL!) and she said that the hospital staff will be very supportive of nursing in the recovery room, but that I should expect to need a lot of help at first. She also said dh can stay with the baby the entire time when I am getting sewed up. The bad news is that she said they typically will not allow a doula or other individual (even her!) to trade off with dh in the operating room. What I had hoped to do is have my dh go with the baby and then have my mom or a doula take his place while they finished up with me. So I will have to rethink that.

I worked with the lactation consultants a lot when my dd was born (since I pumped exclusively, things were a bit tricky) and I have confidence that I can get one in to help me within an hour or two of birth. The nurses at my hospital are also really pro-bf...I am not sure that I would have gone through with it the last time if it had not been for their encouragement. The prospect of pumping 10 times a day for months was really kind of daunting, especially after my oh-so-dramatic c-section.

Does anyone know if there are fill-in-the-blank birth plans available for c-sections anywhere? Thanks!


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## veggiemomma (Oct 21, 2004)

I am the proud owner of about a thousand stretchmarks and one perfect c/s incision scar!!!!

Listen ladies, I really never wanted a c/s. I fought it till the very end. In reality, I fought it almost to my death. But, after 36 hours of labor, water already broken, my bp 200/100, baby's bp going up and a dialation of 3 cm, it was PAINFULLY obvious that a c/s was going to have to be performed.

I did feel guilty, I felt cheated...and then I decided that I needed to feel blessed instead. I had a baby! My beautiful boy! I mean, how many women in this world can't have a baby at all?

So, c/s moms, I say to you - I am proud of all of you. Every one of you "birthed" your babies. What a sacrifice - (grafic)you got cut open like a watermelon, partially gutted and then had everything shoved back inside of you for your babies! You are wonderful! Who would choose to have major surgery and be in pain for weeks afterward to possilby save another person? A true, wonderful, giving momma, that's who!

- Not that I am slighting natural births - that is asacrifice, too.

I just want you guys to feel good about what you have done and be proud of it! I can't stand to see mommas who are upset!

Mommas - BRAVO!!!!!


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## Mother2Amaya (Jun 4, 2004)

Did any of you other C/S mamas have a hard time BFing?

I tried in complete agony to do it but had no supply... I tried fenugreek, domperidone, pumping with a hospital grade pump constantly, mother's milk tea, a lactation aid, went to 3 lactation consultants... ugh.. I still feel guilty.

I have read some articles that say there is a hormone that you release when you have a vaginal birth that helps with BM supply and that article is the only thing that has made me lose the guilt... trying to blame the lack of supply on the C/S.

Did anyone else have issues?


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

Amy - it sounds lke you did absolutely everything you could to try to get breastfeeding established. It's rare, but sometimes there are women who really just can't make enough. Please don't feel guilty - you did your best, and it's for your exact situation that formula should exist.

We had a hard time breastfeeding, but it didn't have anything to do with my c/s. My son had tongue tie and a small mouth, and didn't latch on for the first 29 hours. Then he figured it out, nursed 8 times in 15 hours, and brought my milk in 2 1/2 days postpartum. Whereupon his tongue tie and small mouth completely prevented him from latching on to my engorged breasts. Nipple shields got him on the breast until we could get his tongue clipped, and a couple of weeks later he weaned off of them and has been a booby boy every since.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I had a hard time getting my son latched on, and he was a vaginal birth; it was because I didn't get a chance to nurse him for nearly two days.

My daughter (c/s) latched on right away-- spent her first night outside the womb pretty firmly attached to my breast.







I'm sorry that you had such difficulties.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Amy-- I had a hard tome establishing supplywith Tracy. He was about 7 days oldbefore milk came in. I had no idea it wasn't ehre until it showed up. I didn't supplement at all. I was so new that I didn't realize there wasn't any milk there! I ahd some colostrum but not a lot.

Tracy was taken at 38 weeks after a failed induction.

I've heard its common for it to happen because the body doesn't always realize its delivered because you didn't "finish" labor.


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

My Milk was also delayed coming in...came in about the fourth day. I had to fight like cats and dogs to avoid supplementing and the nurses were really on me to put dd in the nursery and were constantly telling me my latch sucked!

The first night in the hospital after the csection was okay, the nurses helped but the second day and night was hell, nurses all over us to do things their way. I understand they have a job to do but it went against ever mothering instinct I had. So the second night I signed dd and I out and went home.

After that the breastfeeding went much better, we stayed in bed and nursed nonstop while I drank rickmilk tea and squirted fennugreek tincture under my tongue.

I had a friend a few years before this not succeed at breastfeeding and it just about did her in, so I was very determined at that point "To get something right".

Thankfully I do not see things so black and white now.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

thanks veggiemomma. its good to hear that. its hard though because i know so many people see a c/s as the easy way out. a friend of mine who had a difficult vag birth thinks i am crazy for being so pro-VBAC etc. A mutual friend showed her a picture of her c/s incision and this friend said she was surprised- she had no idea that it looked like that and that it was so big, etc. it made me a little happy that she at least realized that hey- these moms have given birth too. just in a different way.

as far as BFing

with DS we had trouble BFing and I gave up. I am still BFing DD. But I think it had less to do with the c/s for me than the fact that with DS, he was in the NICU and got bottles there, and with DD I had a GREAT LC who helped me.

Is it insane to want another baby just for 'another chance' at birth? I know it is. But I cant help but feel that way. Anyone else?


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *srmina*
The bad news is that she said they typically will not allow a doula or other individual (even her!) to trade off with dh in the operating room. What I had hoped to do is have my dh go with the baby and then have my mom or a doula take his place while they finished up with me. So I will have to rethink that.

the reason my doula was able to be with me in the OR is that she's also a CNA and knew sterile field procedures. she asked my OB directly if she could be there, explained she knew exactly how to scrub up and what to do/not do in the OR. so i think if you have a doula with any kind of medical background, it really helps.


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommytoTwo*
Is it insane to want another baby just for 'another chance' at birth? I know it is. But I cant help but feel that way. Anyone else?

Totally. I wasn't sure I wanted one baby, but now that he's here I keep thinking about the next one. And I know that I a big part of that is wanting a chance to have the homebirth I'd been hoping for. Which is the dumbest reason ever to have a baby!

And I wonder how I'd feel if my next baby ended up breech and had to be a c/s too?

Ugh. I'm tired. Time to go crawl in bed with the one baby I do have! G'night, mamas.


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommytoTwo*
Is it insane to want another baby just for 'another chance' at birth? I know it is. But I cant help but feel that way. Anyone else?

Oh Yeah, I felt that way for a long time too.

Dh and I always talked about how we wanted to be a family of three, just him and I and our child. Then the c/s happened and I really struggled with how I felt.

It has taken about three years but I am at peace finally. And when that peace arrived so did an invitation to attend my friend's homebirth. I am so excited and happy to be part of her experience. To me this is the final stage of my healing.

It was kinda like that old saying, when you are looking for love you never find it. When you are finally ok with being alone you find your soulmate. I finally surrendered and stopped the constant questioning of dd's birth and found the courage to be empowered by it. Then the invitation came, to see a homebirth up close.








to you all.


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

Hi guys.









I just had an unplanned cesarean on Monday, after attempting a home VBAC with my midwife. I felt like having the cesarean was the right decision at the time, but I am not so sure now. I am feeling pretty sad, especially since this is going to be our last baby and I really wanted to birth naturally.







Having a VBAC was so important to me.

We transported to the hospital after a couple days of prodromal labor, a couple days of early and active labor, and 4 days of ruptured membranes. We tried cohosh induction, castor oil, everything...but we just couldn't get productive contractions. I decided to transport because I was in a lot of pain, and I hadn't slept in days. I am really questioning this whole decision now.

Anyway, just checking in.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

LM-- I've been waiting for your update. I'm sorry about your vbac but it sounds like you made the right decision.

I'm glad Levi is here. I love that name


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

hi mamas









another weird side effect of c-birth ... the baby tv shows drive me nuts! Baby Story and Birth Day. i keep seeing stories where they do so many things "wrong" - asking for induction, or allowing pitocin because they just showed up at the hospital too early (and have "failure to be patient") or getting epidurals and having to lie still for the rest of the labor - and they are having the vaginal births they wanted. i know it's petty to be envious, but damn







i feel like i did everything "right" because i educated myself, i enlisted lots of support, i made such careful decisions. it's really in the hands of Fate, i know that, but i honestly believed that by working so hard before the birth i could help fate be in my favor a bit, you know? so it's very hard to see/hear other women who do all the stereotypical "wrong" things having such beautiful vaginal births.

well, then again the ones who get that epidural didn't even get to truly feel their vaginal birth, so i still feel very blessed i went through the labor that i did, it truly was a life-changing beautiful experience, something to hold in my heart forever and tell my daughter someday









i'm still going through the "you have a healthy baby so just get over it" thoughts and guilting myself all day. anyone else? how long does that last?


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

You know, I couldn't watch those birth shows after my son's birth, because I was so angry about it and because they never showed a woman in my situation. When I finally saw a woman who was in day one of my four and a half day labor odessy, they did a section on her. I could have spit nails-- I knew that I was right and finally when they did show a few women who had long labors, their water broke, they didn't progress, the baby passed meconium, they developed fevers... they got their sections. I was left to suffer, to have a siezure, to black out from the pain, to swell up like a hot air balloon, and finally to have my son pulled out by a glorified vaccuum cleaner while my friends and family looked on in horror and agony. There was no beautiful, triumphant moment when I got to see and hold my brand new baby, just a rush of doctors and nurses trying to get him to breathe and keep me from having another siezure. No happy music played in the background, and the people crying were shedding tears of agony, not joy.

I know the pain of traumatic birth, even though my section was not a bad experience at all. I can watch those birth shows again, and I feel sorry for so many of the women who don't know what their options are, who spend all their energy fighting their own bodies instead of working with them, who aren't educated enough in the process to demand what they want or have their advocates do it for them.


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

After my section, I watched those shows compulsively. Not sure why.

And Meli, is there an ICAN group that meets near you? They really helped to validate my feelings, and I started accepting that I had experienced something traumatic, and having a healthy baby wasn't the only thing in play.


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

I can mourn the loss of my vaginal birth, while still being thrilled that I have a healthy beautiful baby in my life. The two are not the same, and the one does not invalidate the other. Let yourself grieve - it's okay!

I'm 6 months postpartum now, and it's slowly become easier for me to hear and read birth stories again. I still get a little sad occasionally, but at this point I'm pretty busy keeping up with my almost-sitting, almost-crawling, happy little boy, and don't have much time to get melancholy anymore!


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## RosieTook (Sep 4, 2004)

Hi everyone, don't know how I missed this thread, but I did...I am new around here, I gave birth to my darling daughter by c-sec 8 weeks ago...I wanted a homebirth and labored for one, but dd didn't engage, so we went to the hospital, just in case... she still didn't engage even after 18 hours of labor, dilating to 7cm and water breaking...sigh, so I had a section.

I have not yet come to terms with it, I kind of thought I had, but it keeps coming back on me. I know my section was neccessary and not caused by intervention, the first intervention was the c-sec







so I am okay that way, but loosing my homebirth and then my vaginal birth, and then the hospital stay...I'm still so sad about it...and I'm not sure how to move on...

Anyway, thanks for just being here...I'll be back


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

Melly I could've written your post...I know someone who is going to try to VBAC even though she isnt even sure she wants to... if she VBACs I'll cry. How can I try SO hard for something I dont get and other people fall ass backwards into it?


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## veganbaby (Oct 28, 2004)

I'm glad i found this board. I too had to have a C section with my daughter after laboirng for 31 hours. I even got to the pushing session of it. When my water broke, I was on dialted a fingertip. She had mecconium so I was unable to labor in the tub. Finally I decided it was best for me to have an epidural so that I could get some rest. They gave me a pitocin later because I was progressing to slowly. I probably would have been laboring longer because I wasn't able to relax enough. I still think up scenarios around my head. What I should have done differently. I hpe to have a VBAC next time. I think I'm okay with it, but then I have my days in which I still cry over it.


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## dlamis (Oct 23, 2004)

I don't post here often but am enjoying this thread- good info and support. In the event that baby #2 has to come by C/S like DD#1, I would like to include my wishes for an ideal C/S in my birth plan (along with a vaginal birth plan).

Anyone want to share theirs or point me to a website where I can see others? I read every book on vaginal briths and what to do/not to do but I can't seem to find anyting on C/S births. Like what medication to request, BFing in recovery?, what I can request regarding where the baby stays after the birth, etc.

TIA~
Daniella


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

Here's my C/S birth plan:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/tammylc/276736.html


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

WIth my 2nd c/s I talked to the dr in the area where they prep you and I said I HAVE to have this baby in my arms ASAP or I will lose my mind. SO he told the nurses and my DH was all over them too. I didnt really have a plan per se, other than that. That was all I cared about after the nightmare of the first c/s. ANd it worked- I got my baby right away. (and then I didnt really need a plan since she was in my arms- they couldnt do anything to her without my knowing)


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## Henry's_Mamma (Jan 23, 2004)

Hi everyone and







new people.

I'm having a tough day today. It is my beautiful, wonderful, crazy-in-a-good way ds's 1st birthday -- which is also the 1 year anniversary of my c/s. I've been doing well with my feelings, but today they seem so much more present. I've been relieving the day as the hours have progressed and now I am inching up on the moment of his birth. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was being prepped for the c/s as I type this. I'm just a little sad, and I know you ladies understand.

I'm worrying about my possiblity for a VBAC, too. I'm due for my well-woman annual in December and I just can't seem to pick up the phone to call the only mw available to me in order to find out (a) if she even attends VBACS (who knows with the litigation climate around here), and (b) if not, then who I should go see. I guess I'm afraid of what I might hear, yk? A VBAC is so important to me. But I know, in all honesty, I have to prepare for the possibility of a c/s next time as well. But I really think another c/s might just do me in emotionally, especially b/c I know if I have a c/s next time, I will always have a c/s if we have any more kids. The idea of never birthing vaginally saddens me greatly.

So here's my question. For those that have planned VBACs, whether or not you were successful, how did you plan emotionally for the possibility of a r/c/s?


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## dlamis (Oct 23, 2004)

Tammy-
Thanks for sharing your birth plan- that is exactly what I needed to see!
Daniella


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dlamis*
Tammy-
Thanks for sharing your birth plan- that is exactly what I needed to see!
Daniella

Happy to help!


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

Henrys mama- I just wanted to let you know that just because you have had 2 c/s does not mean you are resigned to Forever c/s deliveries. I know many mamma (IRL clients & Online friends) who have had 2+ c/s and have gone on to have natural vaginal homebirths.







One was even a UC after 2 c/s!! & one had a UC with her last. (first 4 were c/s. then one HBAC & then the US) So it is TOTALLY possible. But keep educating yourself & STAY HOME w/ a Midwife for your *BEST* chance of getting this VBAC w/ baby#2!!


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Ms Doula is right.









How did I prepare? Um, I don't think I should answer but I will. It was because of the emotional aspects of my vbac that made it so I couldn't do it. I just couldn't get over the possibility of not doing it. I knew how hard my 1st was to recover from. I knew that if I labored for days and then had a c/b I would have such a hard recovery that I jsut hd the repeat. If you can remember when I had Bryce I struggled daily with my vabc. Oddly though, I feel prepared now. I'm not sure what it was about my 2nd c/b that was empowering.

What I would suggest... Do a lot of soul searching now. Why is a vbac important to you? For me I realized that I only wanted a vbac for my ego. To say "Well *I* did it!". Then I realized it wasn't that important to me. That is when I started struggling. Why am I doing it? Why should I be doing it?

Um, i need to go. Baby on the steps


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

So, I've been on vacation from the Mothering Forums for awhile, but the cesarean goddess is back with a new babe on the way. Not sure how far along I am.







I have been having all day sickness for the last two weeks and just tested the past 24 hours, TWICE. I barely peed and they were positive.









Of course I will be planning a csection with this babe too. I have a new OB, that I am a little unsure of so when I go in, I will talk to her about my wants and what she is willing to give me. I hope none of it is a problem. I have another doc in mind if she turns me down.

I hope everyone is doing well, I haven't read the whole thread but plan on keeping it active and will try to respond later to some posts.


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## bwylde (Feb 19, 2004)

Wow, congratulations!!! It will be good to have you around again


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bwylde*
Wow, congratulations!!! It will be good to have you around again









Thanks! I believe I am finding good balance in my life right now. So my name OnTheFence is even more fitting. I have really come to accept my balance and dont feel ashamed of it or guilty for it. I think there are a lot of us out there, and I feel most at home at Mothering with my pregnacy, baby experiences.
My plan is not to stress over this pregnancy. I am not going to take progesterone this time (I dont think I need it this time like I did with Jack) I believe if I was going to loose a pregnancy for that issue it would have happened by now. Because of the uterine deformity my first trimester will be iffy but, I dont feel all urgent and stressed like I did the last time. Very relaxed. I probably will have an ultrasound to date the pregnancy since I really am unsure when it happened. Since I do want to plan the csection I need a good forcast on that.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

OTF--I've missed you!! Congrats on the pg!


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## Henry's_Mamma (Jan 23, 2004)

Kim ... welcome back and congratulations!!!


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

yeah,







OTF, havent seen ya in a while















CONGRATS!!









(and, cause Im nosey like that; WHY are you automaticly scheduling another c-sec.?) Sorry, If you dont mind my asking, of course.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms.Doula*
yeah,







OTF, havent seen ya in a while















CONGRATS!!









(and, cause Im nosey like that; WHY are you automaticly scheduling another c-sec.?) Sorry, If you dont mind my asking, of course.









Several reasons.
Emotionally this is what I know. At this point with no 3(bio) on the way, having had a wonderful experience the last time, I see no reason not to do it. My new OB, did offer me a trial of labor, if I wanted one. Since I feel that I having a VBAC is pretty slim, I do not want to labor and then be cut because I feel this is far riskier.
Physical reasons are simple, I have a malformed uterus and its been cut on twice. The likely hood of this baby being transverse or in some weird stuck position is very likely. My last baby was head down for 7 weeks and stayed in that one spot. His shoulder presented against the cervix and they had trouble getting him out during the csection. Once my babies get in position and get to a certian size the physically cant move in the uterus.
Ten years ago I would have loved to been having babies at home or just natural, it just is not something is going to happen for me. With my prenatal history and uterus I am not a candidate for homebirth, and after lots of research I know that my rupture rate is much higher than the average girl with a csection.
From my research I beleive that planning a repeat is far safer for maternal fetal outcome than after laboring first. I do not want to have a csection on a weekend or in the middle of the night. I dont want to risk prolapse cord with ruptured membranes.
I do know that with this pregnancy I am scheduling this one two days before my due date (due date is on a weekend). I really doubt I will go into labor before then.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

I tried for a VBAC and had a c/s. What did I do to prepare for the possibility of a c/s? The only thing I could do was to do everything possible to have a VBAC. I read every book about VBACs and natural birth that I could. I posted and lurked on many VBAC boards online. I read and bookmarked dozens of websites. I joined ICAN and learned everything I could about c-sections, VBAC, inductions, labor, etc. I hired a doula at $500. I interviewed doctors and midwives, switched hospitals twice, went 2 weeks overdue in a climate where a day overdue is "unneccesary"...

I thought - no- I KNEW if I had to have a c/s I would go crazy and so I had to know that if it happened, that it happened for a valid medical reason. ANd it did. Thats the only reason I can even begin to be ok with it. I am still, and will forever be bitter and sad about the FIRST one that caused all this. That was the unneccesary one, the one that was so bad. The second one I knew what I wanted- baby in my arms ASAP- and was VERY vocal about it and I got it. I was treated with respect as a mother, not just a vessel that a baby was extracted from. Try to identify what you want out of your vbac- what it is you need emotionally, and try to make a plan to get that from a c/s birth. For me it was having the baby immediately and not being separated. So I made that my top priority and I was ok.


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

i'm freaking out ... we had to wean from breastfeeding suddenly last week due to medication issues on my part. it feels like "adding insult to injury" on top of the c-birth







the cesarean happened once, it's something i can grieve over and heal from. the bottlefeeding happens 8 or more times a day, and every time i am hurting so badly!! nursing her was the best times of every day, i will cherish those 3.5 weeks forever. when my husband is home, or someone else is visiting, i have to let them give her the bottle (the smell of my milk bothers Willow, she gets so frustrated) and i have to leave the room and cry my guts out. when i feed her, i try to make it as much like nursing as possible, a quiet and gentle time, and i am choking back tears and trying not to let my emotions upset her. it's just a constant reminder of my failure and a constant grieving process. i feel selfish for saying this, but i needed the BFing to heal from the c-birth, i needed to know my body could do something right. so now i have two big losses to deal with, and i'm not doing it very well. i'm crying all the time, my dr. put me on Effexor to head off PPD. i have to put Willow down (safely!) and leave the room to cry really hard, i even end up throwing and breaking things in frustration.

anyone else also lose breastfeeding?


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

MellyBelly - lots of doctors know squat about breastfeeding and will tell you you have to wean, "just to be on the safe side." According to Kellymom.com, Effexor can be used in breastfeeding moms. Or are you referring to another medication issue? Anyway, Kellymom has a good list of medication safety - please check it out! Maybe there's still a chance you can breastfeed!

http://www.kellymom.com/health/meds/index.html


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## whimsy (Aug 6, 2004)

I agree about getting a second opinion regarding meds and breastfeeding. What has your ped said? I have a very pro-bf ped and she says there are only a few meds that warrant weaning. I think they are like chemo type drugs.

It's her opinion that the little bit of most meds that cross into breastmilk are still better than formula.

On the other hand, I did lose nursing with my twins. They were preemies and in different hospitals 100 miles apart. I was very upset. It made me all the more adamant that I nurse Brody. That's how I found our new ped. I searched for the most pro BF doctor in the area.

Blessings to you......


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## chantald (Oct 26, 2004)

Hello
I was wondering if I could join our group??

I hadmy first c-section in April of 2001. My son was a transverse arrest. After 29 hours of labor I ended up with a c-section. Long story short.. My water broke, I was told to come right to the hospital, dutifuly went.. was induced (not allowed to wait for labor to start on its own..), left alone to labor with DH (all the nurses were busy).. struggled through 6 hours of intense back labor.. got an epidural.. pushed for 3 hours and was told to have a c-section.
It was a crushing crushing blow.. and coupled with a baby in the NICU for dehydration, bfing difficulties and 9 weeks of thrush..started a downward spiral of depression and anger..
With my second pregnancy I vowed that I would not have this happen again.. I chose a new practice..with a MW, hired a doula and read and educated myself as much as one could humanly do..i think.. Having a second c-section never entered my brain.. But guess what.. it happened last month..
It was a much different experience.. much more positive..My birth story for my second child is here
http://www.ovusoft.com/forum Tell Someone, then Birth Stories, then Sophia Edith's birth (sorry a direct link doesn't work..)

But I am still coping with feeling saddened by my second C.. and striving to stay positive...Hearing of others who have had bigger babies vaginally makes keeping positive hard...Some days are harder than others..

So.. that is the abridged version of my story.. Thanks for listening..

Chantal


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

wow chantal, that's quite a story! and quite a briuse on her forehead, too!


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

Did breastfeeding help you?

I really think that if I had not been able to BF DD for some reason that I would just go crazy. I wanted that VBAC so bad, and I feel like breastfeeding her is .. I dont know... something natural and physical I can do for her, something very "motherly" I am doing, even though I didnt get those things with her birth since I am getting them now it really has saved me. Does that make sense?


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## srmina (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mellybean*
i'm freaking out ... we had to wean from breastfeeding suddenly last week due to medication issues on my part. it feels like "adding insult to injury" on top of the c-birth









anyone else also lose breastfeeding?

I don't know how long you plan on being on the med, but you could pump for now (get a double pump, preferably a hospital grade pump which rents for $50/month) and then resume breastfeeding later on.

I was never able to breastfeed my dd because she was extremely sick at birth and still (at 16mo) is 90% tubefed. But I did pump for her for 13 months, which was extremely fulfilling (albeit somewhat time consuming) for me. And she is the healthiest tubefed kid most doctors have ever seen!


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## chantald (Oct 26, 2004)

Hello
I know that with my first c/s I needed to BF my DS.. I felt so badly about his birth that I didn't want to "fail" in that area too.. We had such difficulties for 9 weeks.. thrush that would not go away.. DS had a dairy protien allergy.. gas.. I was so close to giving up so many times.. But I am a very stubborn person.. and we prevailed..
This time.. I was so certain I would have a VBAC and certain I would be crushed if I didn't get one.. but neither thing happened.. I had a repeat C, but it was a much more affirming birth.. and I wasn't crushed.. just saddened.. I think that BFing helped again too.. to reaffirm that my body does work just fine and we just had rotten luck.. But I also think that if you can't or don't want to bf.. that it is ok too.. you can bond and love your baby too..
Meli: the loss of bfing must be so hard for you. I am sorry to hear about that and wanted to tell you so. Allow yourself to grieve.. but try not to blame yourself. For me, forgivng myself was the first step in healing.. and I had a hard time doing that.. but once I started to do that, that also helped me be a better mommy to my DS..









Chantal


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## calla lily (Nov 23, 2002)

Hi all. I'm just now getting around to reading this. I had my 2nd c/s 4 1/2 months ago. The first was unplanned and unwanted and I'm still not sure if it was really needed. The second was a planned vbac, but dd was transverse up till the end, so I agreed to the c/s. Anyway I'm wondering if it is normal to still be sore 4 1/2 months pp. My incision site feels fine but my belly above that and below my belly button is still numb and sore, at the same time if that's possible. And there are a couple spots near my belly button that have been sore since the c/s. I can't really tell if it's my skin or below my skin that hurts. It's not too painful and doesn't really stop me from doing anything, but it's bugging me. I don't remember being sore for this long after my first. I asked my dr about it when I went in for my pp checkup at 8 weeks pp, and he had no idea. I've been working out, which doesnt' seem to be doing any good, and doing pilates and I wonder if maybe I should stop with the stomach exersices. And I don't understand why I'm sore up near my belly button.


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## chantald (Oct 26, 2004)

Hi
Sorry.. I don't know about your lingering pain. I don't recall that from cs #1 and its been only 6 weeks since cs #2. The numbness I remember, that took years to go away

Chantal


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