# Kids sleeping together



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

At what age is it safe for an older child and a baby (well toddler really) to sleep together? I know I'm not anywhere near that, but my older dd wants to crawl into bed with us sometimes and there isn't a way to make it work right now. When will #2 be old enough?


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

I've read that the younger one needs to be at least 18 months. After that, it really depends on the kids. Until the last 8 months or so, ds1 rolled way too much for me to trust him next to ds2, but he's ok now.


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## SkyMomma (Jul 13, 2006)

I wasn't sure if I should respond, because we're not 'supposed' to be sleep sharing the way we do, but...

DS2 is a super vocal, strong little guy & I'm a very light sleeper. I let DS1 (5ish) in the bed with us almost right away (although not when I really needed sleep - 'cause I would stay in very high alert mode), with DS1 between DH & I, & DS2 between me & the co-sleeper. I felt like it was important for DS1 to know that he was still welcome in the big bed & would get all the cuddles he needed - tho' usually by DH snuggling up in DS1's bed.

Now, my LOs sometimes sleep in the big bed together without me, with DS2 between DS1 & the cosleeper (usually for an hour or so, early in the evening, when both kids sleep pretty soundly & still, & me in the room next door). Very occasionally, we're all in the big bed all night - although not often, 'cause I get woken up too much by 2 squirmy kids who both want to be right next to mama.









I don't feel that DS2 is anywhere near ready to sleep with DS1 is his twin sized bed, although DS1 really wants to try it out.









I don't know what the official 'rule' is about how old your baby needs to be to sleep share with an older child, but I imagine it depends on your children & your bed. I say trust your instincts & what feels right to you.


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Yikes, I guess what we've done wasn't "okay". Oh well, we sleep on pillow top too.







DD slept with us from DS' birth; I mean, the four of us in the bed. I figured my mama sense for my first, still applied with my second... I'm always aware of both my kiddos placement in bed. However everyone slept best was always my only "rule".

Usually one child was on each side of me, but for naps, DD was sometimes next to DS.

As for alone just the two of them... I'd start them out together in our bed, before we came in, from the time DS was reallllllly little; I'd just put a big body pillow between them (so DD wouldn't roll over on him), and we used a baby monitor. I stopped being religious about putting the pillow when he was about 10 months (when I realized that they would find each other in the bed, regardless of the pillow), and then they started sharing a bed for the whole night when he was about 14 months (and DD was nearly 4 yrs). They still bedshare at 22 mo & 4.5 yrs; I usually come in around 4am, or whever DS wakes for the first time, and cosleep with both of them for the rest of the morning.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

The 18 months minimum is for them sleeping next to each other, not for them being in the same bed if there's an adult between them, btw.


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Devaskyla* 
The 18 months minimum is for them sleeping next to each other, not for them being in the same bed if there's an adult between them, btw.

What's the basis for that? What happens at 18 months?

My kiddos have been bedsharing everynight, the majority of the night since DS was 14/15 months (without me there until DS wakes the first time). And previous to that, for a few hours each night until DH & I joined them, since DS was about 10 months. Never had a single issue.


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## Liam's Mum (Jan 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SkyMomma* 
I wasn't sure if I should respond, because we're not 'supposed' to be sleep sharing the way we do, but...

DS2 is a super vocal, strong little guy & I'm a very light sleeper. I let DS1 (5ish) in the bed with us almost right away (although not when I really needed sleep - 'cause I would stay in very high alert mode), with DS1 between DH & I, & DS2 between me & the co-sleeper. I felt like it was important for DS1 to know that he was still welcome in the big bed & would get all the cuddles he needed - tho' usually by DH snuggling up in DS1's bed.

Now, my LOs sometimes sleep in the big bed together without me, with DS2 between DS1 & the cosleeper (usually for an hour or so, early in the evening, when both kids sleep pretty soundly & still, & me in the room next door). Very occasionally, we're all in the big bed all night - although not often, 'cause I get woken up too much by 2 squirmy kids who both want to be right next to mama.









I don't feel that DS2 is anywhere near ready to sleep with DS1 is his twin sized bed, although DS1 really wants to try it out.









I don't know what the official 'rule' is about how old your baby needs to be to sleep share with an older child, but I imagine it depends on your children & your bed. I say trust your instincts & what feels right to you.

sounds a lot like my home, DS1 (4.5 years) wants to sleep with his brother (17 mos) in his room, but I explain that baby is up many, many times a nigtt and needs mommy, so it would be too disruptive for him (although he tends to sleep thorugh it when we are all in our bed some nights -- it's baby that gets woken up by big brother). I would love it if the boys would sleep together, but until baby is sleeping better, and/or not needing to nurse in the night, I don't see it working.


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## earthymato2 (Nov 2, 2008)

hi mamas- i hope it's ok to chime in here. my two boys love to cuddle up together, and with a large age gap between them (6yo and 19mo) i have often wondered about the 18 month rule. i think common sense is most important here as nothing magical happens at 18 months. look at the size and strength of your two children as well as their sleep habits. how deeply does the older child sleep? is he extremely restless? is there a huge size difference? in my case ds2 is a verrry sturdy babe and folks often mistake him for around 2 or 3. i felt comfortable with him in bed with ds1 when he was about 15-16mo. that said, it doesn't often happen for the whole night! it's much easier to nurse when ds2 is next to me. ds1 usually sleeps on a mattress next to our bed now... when ds2 was first born we often slept in the dh-ds1-me-ds2 setup with no problems.







hope that helps!


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

I don't see any problem with it if there's an adult in the bed. My two slept in the bed with us from birth. You have just as much mama sense for the baby with or without a big kid in bed too.


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

I kept my (huge, heavy) toddler in between me and dh when he joined us in bed with the baby. Now he's an almost-five and his sister is almost-three, and they cosleep in their own queen-sized bed perfectly. I would say that she was two and he was four when I let them start, but I don't really remember. There was just this point where she turned from a lump of baby into a well-coordinated toddler, and I could see that it would be safe.

With our new dd (due in May), the big challenge is going to be to convince older dd not to hop right into her crib/bassinet whenever I put her in one. I'll bet we cosleep with this child longer than we did with the first two, simply to keep her safe from being cuddled to death by her baby-crazy sister.


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## BoringTales (Aug 1, 2006)

My first two weren't even 18 months apart. They both coslept from the time DS2 was a newborn. They were just always on opposite sides of me, so they never slept next to each other. When I had to nurse on the other side instead of rolling over, I would just flop down to the other end of the bed with baby.


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## mommy2two babes (Feb 7, 2007)

I think it depends on the kids in the situation/ size of the bed ect
I knew the my older DD didn't roll and we had a king size bed. I had a monitor and would check on them frequently before I joined them in bed.
As to when we were all sleeping in bed I had one on each side of me.
I always thought that the 18 mos thing was only when they were sleeping alone together anyways.


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## slinginhipmama (Feb 15, 2005)

Like many others who have responded, we have been bed-sharing from day one. Now, ds3 sleeps in our bed and the older boys co-sleep in a bed right next to ours. Its like a big HUGE bed!!!


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