# Failing at avoiding CIO



## andysgal (Jun 13, 2013)

I feel horrible. My lo is 5 months old. I am NOT doing CIO...but I fear that in my efforts to avoid letting her cry, she is actually crying MORE. Whenever I put her down for a nap...i lay with her, cuddle, play music, shush/pat, we cosleep at night, i have tried bw to sleep to no avail, stoller walks, car rides ...well you get the idea. No matter what I do she cries her eyes out before she falls asleep. Sometimes it goes on and on regardless of if I am holding her or not. I have even stopped putting her down for naps which only resulted in a more cranky crying baby. I am at a loss. Now she is waking all night long...wanting her pacifier. At her second night feeding she is no longer staying asleep but waking completely for 2-2.5 hours. It seems that for all of my efforts it is getting worse not better.

Has anyone else gone through this and what did you do that helped? I could never leave her alone to cry...but in essence she is crying 4 + times a day...which is nearly half of her waking time. I am failing at keeping her life peaceful joyful happy and my greatest fear is she will end up nervous like her cio forced mom.


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## P.J. (May 18, 2010)

You'll probably get more replies in the Nighttime Parenting forum than here, as this isn't a discipline issue but a sleep issue.
I wish you the best of luck!


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

andysgal said:


> I feel horrible. My lo is 5 months old. I am NOT doing CIO...but I fear that in my efforts to avoid letting her cry, she is actually crying MORE. Whenever I put her down for a nap...i lay with her, cuddle, play music, shush/pat, we cosleep at night, i have tried bw to sleep to no avail, stoller walks, car rides ...well you get the idea. No matter what I do she cries her eyes out before she falls asleep. Sometimes it goes on and on regardless of if I am holding her or not. I have even stopped putting her down for naps which only resulted in a more cranky crying baby. I am at a loss. Now she is waking all night long...wanting her pacifier. At her second night feeding she is no longer staying asleep but waking completely for 2-2.5 hours. It seems that for all of my efforts it is getting worse not better.
> 
> Has anyone else gone through this and what did you do that helped? I could never leave her alone to cry...but in essence she is crying 4 + times a day...which is nearly half of her waking time. I am failing at keeping her life peaceful joyful happy and my greatest fear is she will end up nervous like her cio forced mom.


1. I agree that this is not a discipline issue.

2. My kids easily cried more than 4 times a day, but half their waking time? That's a lot. Can you ask her pediatrician to evaluate her for reflux, or other issues that might be causing the crying?

3. You can't keep anyone's life peaceful, joyful and happy all the time. Not even a baby's. It's not a good goal to have, because you can break yourself on it and it's impossible. Your baby might wind up nervous like her mom, because genetics are a jerk like that. If that happens, it doesn't mean you failed her in any way. Your best work as a parent is to help her cope with all of her feelings, not to prevent her from having any unpleasant ones.

4. There is a four month sleep regression. http://askmoxie.org/blog/2009/03/a-reminder-about-sleep-regressions.html Your baby may have hit it late. Or she may be an unusually fussy baby for other reasons. Again - check with the pediatrician.

Your dd is at an age where tight swaddling might still help (babies hypothetically outgrow it at 3 months, but mine never did). She might be better with a less stimulating bedtime routine. I have no idea what your nap schedule looks like - she may need more naps. She may be teething. She may be one of those babies who really does fuss to sleep, and needs plain old quiet to get there. What a baby wants and needs at any given moment is a genuine mystery, and can be terribly hard to figure out. Don't beat yourself up for not having solved the puzzle. Hardly anyone ever solves it, except by luck. Eventually, all of our babies get older, and we solve the easier puzzles of figuring out how to cope with infants who are old enough to behave somewhat predictably.


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## andysgal (Jun 13, 2013)

Ok thanks. She is healthy...no reflux etc...been evaluated. Already did 4 mo SR. Will post elsewhere...if I get the time. There are too many forums on here to figure out and then find which to use. Back to trying to get her to sleep...might try again later if I have time....but that is not looking good so far. Thanks again


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## Viola P (Sep 14, 2013)

I'm not saying to let her cry it out but the reality of it is that babies sometimes cry. I've thought about this a lot and in addition to putting more stress on others for poor mothers (by sending the message tht they're a bad parent if their baby cries), I also don't want to teach my children that they aren't allowed to cry or that cryig is terrible. I was always able to soothe my son with bf, but my daughter is different. Sometimes when she's very tired she freaks out, and if that happens I put her down in bed and walk away. Usually it stops within a minute or two and she's happily asleep, if not I pick her up! I think some babies don't want to be held all the time, they are all different! We have to listen to our babies, even if they don't follow the rules of "babies like....babies should....etc" I'm guessing my opinion probably isn't beefy popular. I too dislike CIO and I don't consider walking away to be doing CIO because it honestly makes dd happier and I never leave her for long ever. Also, she loves the vibrating chair. I've wondered if she might be nt since she really does often prefer to not be held.


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## sillysapling (Mar 24, 2013)

She may have a food intolerance. Those don't show up in tests and don't always have more obvious signs than a baby who's clearly not happy. We had the same problem with kiddo before figuring out what the problem food was- just screaming for hours and hours.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I agree that this probably isn't a GD question (although certainly sleep and discipline are related). Since this is an infant sleep question primarily, I am going to move this to Nighttime and the Family Bed.


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## Kittymom (May 26, 2004)

First, I want to say that this is not the same as CIO. Not at all. She is not being left alone to feel abandoned and give up on trusting that anyone will be there for her. She is being supported through whatever is making her cry, which shows her that she can rely on you. As for the cause, I would also suspect something food related and general GI discomfort, and you may or may not be able to determine the cause.

You will both get through this, though.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

andysgal said:


> I feel horrible. My lo is 5 months old. I am NOT doing CIO...but I fear that in my efforts to avoid letting her cry, she is actually crying MORE. Whenever I put her down for a nap...i lay with her, cuddle, play music, shush/pat, we cosleep at night, i have tried bw to sleep to no avail, stoller walks, car rides ...well you get the idea. No matter what I do she cries her eyes out before she falls asleep. Sometimes it goes on and on regardless of if I am holding her or not. I have even stopped putting her down for naps which only resulted in a more cranky crying baby. I am at a loss. Now she is waking all night long...wanting her pacifier. At her second night feeding she is no longer staying asleep but waking completely for 2-2.5 hours. It seems that for all of my efforts it is getting worse not better.
> 
> Has anyone else gone through this and what did you do that helped? I could never leave her alone to cry...but in essence she is crying 4 + times a day...which is nearly half of her waking time. I am failing at keeping her life peaceful joyful happy and my greatest fear is she will end up nervous like her cio forced mom.


My now 12 yr old daughter was a tough baby. She was colicky for the first 18 months of her life. She would cry sometimes for days at a time and I wouldn't get any sleep. Nothing would soothe her. I did co-sleep the whole time even though most of the time it was just her crying and me getting her to sleep for 20 minute intervals here and there.

I also had to wear my 12 yr old as a baby. She liked music and being danced to sleep when she got fussy.

I feel for you because I remember all too well how hard it was. I hope it gets easier for you soon!


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## andysgal (Jun 13, 2013)

Thanks for your reply! So sorry to hear you went through a similar experience. We found out it was teething. She has been a fast teether with 8 teeth and molars coming in at only 11 months old. Everyone told me she was too young at five months but we knew it in our guts. Thank goodness for homeopathic remedies!!


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## andysgal (Jun 13, 2013)

As a side note... We were only ever able to leave her alone for four minutes... And that, twice. I just ended up holding and carrying her instead.


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## typebug (Jun 28, 2012)

Totally check in with a homeopath and see about food sensitivities and other body stresses that your GP might be totally oblivious to. 

Some babies are highly sensitive and raising the highly sensitive baby and child has its own set of challenges. Have you looked at any of the articles on this? There are some great books too.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

andysgal said:


> Ok thanks. She is healthy...no reflux etc...been evaluated. Already did 4 mo SR. Will post elsewhere...if I get the time. There are too many forums on here to figure out and then find which to use. Back to trying to get her to sleep...might try again later if I have time....but that is not looking good so far. Thanks again


As long as YOU as mommy know that the baby isn't in a soiled diaper, hungry or sick then a little crying will not hurt them sometimes. But if she is a sensitive baby that is a whole other situation to deal with.


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