# How do I throw a "I became a woman" Party?



## flutterbylvr (Jun 29, 2007)

I really want my DD to be comfortable with this change, and since my experience was so awful, I would like to change that for my kids. I need some ideas on what other people have done for this. What have you done or heard done that maybe good for this? Thanks everyone!!!!


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## tuansprincess (Oct 25, 2005)

I want to do this for my dd(s) as well. I to had an awful intro. I don't own the book, but have read it and I know there are a couple of good ideas in the book "Cunt". http://www.ingalagringa.com/cunt/

This a good site http://www.birthwithsol.com/firstperiodkit.html (I actually bought my birth pool from them







)

Anyway, hope you find what you're looking for.


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## medicmama (May 5, 2006)

What a great Idea!!!! I have a long ways to wait my dd is only 13 mos. I hope it goes well!!!


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

You may also want to give your daughter some input. Mine is totally cool with the whole menstrual situation, but said that she would not want to have a party centered on it.


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## SamuraiMom (Nov 7, 2006)

When our neighbors dd got her period the mom's threw a little party, just for her close friends. I thought this was cute, though other's may not. Her mom made little "pads" from sponge cake and then spooned strawberries on them to signify the menstruation. I think we did other things that were life change related, but that is the one thing I remember. I think throwing a little party is a great idea, it's a huge day to remember, so why not celebrate! Even if it is just the 2 of you as well, she'll remember it clearly in a positive way.


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## iamama (Jul 14, 2003)

sing this (nak)

women am I
spirit am I
I am infinite within my soul
I have no beginning and I have no end
all this I know

Then you change spirit with other words like happy, strenght and growing etc.


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## candipooh (Jun 22, 2004)

Toni Wechler has a book for teens too









Quote:

Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen's Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body by Toni Weschler
I would love it if my daughters would want a party with their friends but I don't think they will. A party with just mom might go over better with them.


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## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
You may also want to give your daughter some input. Mine is totally cool with the whole menstrual situation, but said that she would not want to have a party centered on it.

Same here. I have two daughters who have both gotten their periods, and both have said they would be *mortified* (if I had a party for them) I also don't know of any girls from other families who have had these parties. Maybe it's where we live???(outside of NYC)


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## SequoiasMom (Feb 27, 2007)

well, you could let her throw a party for her friends, and just you and she know what the party was really for. I mean, I don't think teenage girls would really want to participate in a "period party" but I could be wrong. I personally love the idea of having a celebration, totally embracing her venture into being a woman.
She can choose to tell her friends if she wants.
You could even theme the party as a more adult party. You could make "mock-tails" instead of cocktails, just serve colorful non-alcoholic drinks out of martini glasses, let them do "make-overs" maybe wear dresses, or dress nicely to the party, make it a classy ladies event, kindof an interpretation of adulthood, for fun.
Of course, I have no idea if any of this is feasible, if you don't let your daughter touch make-up, or if you would think they would get inappropriate ideas from the party. But, it could be a great way to represent this change in a subtle manner.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SamuraiMom* 
When our neighbors dd got her period the mom's threw a little party, just for her close friends. I thought this was cute, though other's may not. Her mom made little "pads" from sponge cake and then spooned strawberries on them to signify the menstruation.

Yeah, I don't think that's cute at all, personally. Sort of akin to spooning custard on a sheet cake to celebrate my boy's first wet dream. I mean.... really.


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## Ackray (Feb 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Yeah, I don't think that's cute at all, personally. Sort of akin to spooning custard on a sheet cake to celebrate my boy's first wet dream. I mean.... really.









:

I would have been mortified if my mother threw me a party for getting my period. Do people really do this!?


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## CaraNicole (Feb 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Yeah, I don't think that's cute at all, personally. Sort of akin to spooning custard on a sheet cake to celebrate my boy's first wet dream. I mean.... really.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ackray* 







:

I would have been mortified if my mother threw me a party for getting my period. Do people really do this!?









: to all of the above.


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## Dunkles (Oct 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CaraNicole* 







: to all of the above.









:


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## pumpkinyum (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SamuraiMom* 
When our neighbors dd got her period the mom's threw a little party, just for her close friends. I thought this was cute, though other's may not. Her mom made little "pads" from sponge cake and then spooned strawberries on them to signify the menstruation. I think we did other things that were life change related, but that is the one thing I remember. I think throwing a little party is a great idea, it's a huge day to remember, so why not celebrate! Even if it is just the 2 of you as well, she'll remember it clearly in a positive way.

Excuse me one moment. uke

Strawberry shortcake shall never be the same.


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## flutterbylvr (Jun 29, 2007)

Thank you for all of your wonderful ideas and input. Although I got some reactions that I was not intending for, I am lmao at the thoughts of some of these things. I was thinking for something more along the lines of her, her best friend, who she already told and myself going to do something. I am not sure what, I think we decided on pedicures, but not a all and out PARTY per say. Not to mention, what the heck would her dad think????? Still lmao, everyone. Hugs.


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## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

I find myself thinking about this thread.....I've seen this question on here several times before. I would love to hear from a woman whose mother did "celebrate" her first period in some form and what her reaction was to it.

I'm wondering if it's a "cultural" thing with me. I was raised to think that some things were private, and not discussed in a public way. I find, for example, that my husband's family will make a lot of jokes about sex at the dinner table, and that would be a real no-no with my family (He is from a completely different ethnic background than I am). And likewise, the whole "celebrating body changes" thing is difficult for me to imagine. I asked my daughters and they had the same reaction.


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

Here are some old threads with great information about having a first menstration party (aka "red party"):

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=371164

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=335054

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=131026

Some really good information there!


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Yeah, I don't think that's cute at all, personally. Sort of akin to spooning custard on a sheet cake to celebrate my boy's first wet dream. I mean.... really.











That is the funniest thing I have read on the 'net in months!!







I may use that as a signature line somewhere....







:


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## jennnk (Feb 6, 2005)

My dad's second wife took me to Victoria's Secret & got me my first matching bra & panty set. Of course, I was still flat as a board & the bra didn't fit for a few years and my mom was PISSED that this woman had the nerve to do something like that (not to mention my mom thought it was totally inappropriate for a 13-year-old to have stuff from VS in the first place), but that's what was done for me. To be honest, I wish nothing had been done at all. I hate blood, no matter where it comes out of me - knee, finger, vagina, doesn't matter, it's all blood, and I really didn't want to acknowledge that I was bleeding at all, ever. Now, _your_ daughter seems willing to do something special, and that's cool. In that case, I'd do something "grown up" like pedicure day and maybe a makeover at the MAC counter or something (demos are free! bonus!). Serve her favorite foods for dinner & dessert, get her a pretty necklace or pair of earrings, and remind her that no matter how old she gets, she'll always be your baby


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## Sandrine (Apr 14, 2004)

I have 3 dds, so, I want to celebrate with them but i'll won't do something big.

My dds ears are not pierces, so if they want they can when they get their first period. Then i thought of takinig them out for lunch at a special restaurant just them and me. Also, maybe go for a pedicure/manicure if they want. Doing a whole girl's day with them.


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ackray* 







:

I would have been mortified if my mother threw me a party for getting my period. Do people really do this!?

I so agree with you.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Well, my mother had something similar for me - and I was ecstatic.









It was just a fancy dinner with female relatives and my friends. Nothing 'symbolic' persay, just a recognition of an important moment in my life (to me).

I definitely agree with discussing it with your daughter first, but I was over the moon at starting my cycle and joining the women in my family.







:

Obviously each girl will react in a different way, and have a different outlook on starting menstruation.

As the oldest of five children, in a very open home, my mother and I had many, many discussions re: becoming a woman, menstruation, puberty, pregnancy and childbirth.

Now, throw in any male relatives and it would have been a different story.









My dad was a much more reserved guy and would not have wanted to be a part of any of that. He always said just being around three hormonal teenage girls (myself and my two sisters) was enough to drive him to drink.


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## Irish (Jun 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sandrine* 
I have 3 dds, so, I want to celebrate with them but i'll won't do something big.

My dds ears are not pierces, so if they want they can when they get their first period. Then i thought of takinig them out for lunch at a special restaurant just them and me. Also, maybe go for a pedicure/manicure if they want. Doing a whole girl's day with them.

Similar to what we have planned, going out for lunch at our favorite restaurant with my sister and spending the day together. While most of us do not enjoy AF I really appreciated the positive spin my own mother put on it, I anticipated it and felt very special and lucky when it did arrive. It's definitely better than what I've seen happen with family members my DD's age who refuse to go to school when they have AF and they all moan and groan about how awful it is together....









She's had her AF care package in her schoolbag for almost a year now: a pencil case with a pantyliner, teen maxi, wet wipe, pair of underwear and my sisters cell phone number (she obviously knows mine).


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I intend to take my DD out for lunch, just to two of us, to celebrate when the time comes. We'll invite along any other female relatives that she wants to invite, but I'm not willing to turn it into a big party. I already had a Bat Mitzvah for one and will be having another Bat Mitzvah in April- the biological coming-of-age will be a much more modest celebration!


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## flutterbylvr (Jun 29, 2007)

Okay we talked about it. She and I have decided to wait until her aunt comes out to visit next month, to actually "celebrate" She has known about all of the technical stuff for years. I started educating her early when she asked why I had a boo boo in my panties. She is excited, and confused and upset that she was the first of all her friends, but over all is having a really easy time with it. I too am having an OK time with it, besides the first 3 days she kept asking, is it time to change??? Drove me a little nuts. I finally told her that she is the only one who can be the judge of that. I am sooo sad that my little girl is growing up way to fast for me to keep up with, but it was bound to happen some time. Next daughter will have such a cool time with mom and older sis.

Oh the way we decided to celebrate, all her ideas, We are going to get manicure and pedicures matching, with a deep red color. We of course will be the only ones who know why the red. Then we will go out to luch and eat a strawberry sundae for dessert. I think they were cute ideas so, I am going to revel in the day of her and I and auntie spending some quality time together. I am happy to celebrate this huge milestone with my daughter and the more I think about it, I feel sorry for the people who wont allow themselves to see this as such and enormous wonderful thing.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flutterbylvr* 
Oh the way we decided to celebrate, all her ideas, We are going to get manicure and pedicures matching, with a deep red color. We of course will be the only ones who know why the red. Then we will go out to luch and eat a strawberry sundae for dessert. I think they were cute ideas so, I am going to revel in the day of her and I and auntie spending some quality time together. I am happy to celebrate this huge milestone with my daughter and the more I think about it, I feel sorry for the people who wont allow themselves to see this as such and enormous wonderful thing.

But this is really quite different from how you first presented it. You're having a girls' day out, not the "I became a woman" *Party* you asked about.

Is it an occasion worthy of marking in some way? Sure. So I think you're reaching in feeling sorry for people. (Although I'm still squicked at the idea of eating strawberry goo to "symbolize" the event.)


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## Jeanne D'Arc (Apr 7, 2007)

*

DO IT!

I wish i had gotten a " becomming a woman " party!

Im not sure how it will go with DD, she is only 2 lol.*


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

The best idea for a party I've ever heard (and this gets discussed a lot, as it's rather important to my religion) is simply to invite women whom the girl is close to and have everyone tell the story of their first period. The stories are always interesting (especially from the older women, there's always one it seems who didn't know about it and thought she was going to die.) Other than that, it tends to include some presents, food and chat and that's it. I can't wait until we can throw one for my niece. (She's 12 now, can't be too long.....)


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## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flutterbylvr* 
I am happy to celebrate this huge milestone with my daughter and the more I think about it, *I feel sorry for the people who wont allow themselves to see this as such and enormous wonderful thing*.


I do see beginning menstruation as a wonderful thing.
But I also see it as a _personal_ thing. There are all kinds of things that I think are wonderful but that I wouldn't have a party for: like having sex the first time, a first orgasm, or, as someone said, a party for a boy the first time he ejaculates. (complete with tapioca on a cake.)


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

A party? I think it would depend onthe child but I'm a very private person and always have been. I would have thought my mom was koo-koo if she tried to throw a party for a normal *milestone* in my life and a very personal milestone at that.







: Now when my DD grows up and gets married and pregnant with her first child, party time!

I plan to do a girls day out kind of thing with my daughter. We will have lunch, go shopping, get pampered, whatever she wants....but it will be just me and her and it will be loving and private.


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

This thread caught my eye (not something to think about right now, dd is only 22 months old).
I have to agree that the idea of a PARTY to celebrate is a little much (esp. when you have desserts made to look like a maxi pad with blood on it).
However, the girls day out that the OP decided on sounds great.
I also love the idea of the care package for a dd to be carrying around when she is getting to be "that age". I remember my first time I was in the gym locker room, went to the bathroom, panicked a bit, found my friend who was a little older and had already had her period for a while, and then she took me to the gym teacher. She knew exactly what was going on when she saw my face too. I still remember that I was wearing light pink frosted jeans that day (hey, it was the 80's, ok?) Having a kit handy sounds much better, and more private.

I think the book the Handmaids Tale has a scene in it where they celebrate a young girls transition into womanhood... don't remember the details though.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ackray* 







:

I would have been mortified if my mother threw me a party for getting my period. Do people really do this!?

Funny how everyone has different feelings on this. I would have loved it if someone recognized my womanhood. Instead I was embarrassed and given hardly any information at all, the only question anyone ever asked me was "Do you need some pads?" My mother was upset about me starting my period. There was no rejoicing. I think it is something that SHOULD be celebrated, even if its only between mother and daughter.


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## k-liz (Aug 8, 2007)

I think it is both something that is good to recognize AND something private. Our "white american" culture is sadly lacking in ritual for things like this. My daughters are both older teens now (16 and 18), and this is what we did- when they were born, we did not give them middle names.

When they 'became a woman', i.e., got their first period, they were allowed to select a middle name which we then legalized. They did not HAVE to do it at that exact moment, but they could. My oldest daughter did right away- she chose my middle name and I felt, and feel, honored.

My 16-y-o STILL has not settled on one! She has changed her mind 5 times or so- but she was the one who would spend an hour deciding to get the pink "my little pony" or the purple one, then be convinced once she got home she would have liked the other one better...

One friend I have had a more open celebration, on the beach with some close friends. They did a sweatlodge, told stories, sang some songs & chants, and one really neat idea- B (the mom) and K (the daughter) were tied together with a long, thin thread. They then raced down the beach together, K eventually of couse outrunning, and breaking the thread, with her mom.

Made me tear up when she told me about it- but for our family it was just more private, yet still marked with an important "becoming adult" idea.

-Karinne,
partner to Matt, mom to Mariah(18), Reyna(16), and Sage(9)


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## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

Why don't you ask her what she wants to do?


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## karina5 (Apr 15, 2006)

My thoughts? Period shmeriod. It's a pain in the butt and not worth celebrating.

Maybe I'm the only girl that wasn't "thrilled" to "become a woman." I wished, at the time, that I was, since all the girls in the Judy Blume books were. But really, I thought, "Oh man, I have to deal with this hassle for the next 40 some years?!?"

And I would NOT have wanted a party, especially with red "symbolism" stuff such as red sundaes and nail polish.

But, hey, whatever floats your/her boat. But don't feel "sorry" for me that I don't find this thrilling.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Poot* 
Funny how everyone has different feelings on this. I would have loved it if someone recognized my womanhood. Instead I was embarrassed and given hardly any information at all, the only question anyone ever asked me was "Do you need some pads?" My mother was upset about me starting my period. There was no rejoicing. I think it is something that SHOULD be celebrated, even if its only between mother and daughter.

Interesting. My mom was upset too - she acted as though I had done something wrong, something dirty. She told me to make sure my older and brother and younger sisters didn't see the package of pads.

My older DD and I did have a girls afternoon to celebrate her menarche, but it was pretty private. Younger DD knew all about it, of course, but the afternoon was just older dd and me. It was fun, I wanted her to view it as a happy occasion, but not one of gigantic world shattering significance.


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## PajamaMama (Dec 18, 2004)

I bought my daughter a pair of ruby earrings to wear when she has her period. She was happy with this 'celebration' and said she would not like to have a 'party'. (She was 12, I think that the age of menarche might mean a different kind of thing might be better, for instance if your daughter is only 9 she might be so freaked she doesn't want anything, while if she's 14 she might want a party or something. I don't know.)


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## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *karina5* 
My thoughts? Period shmeriod. It's a pain in the butt and not worth celebrating.


I'm not speaking directly to you karina, but your comment kind of sums up the idea I'm replying to.

I think the idea is that if you treat it as a positive thing it seems more like a positive experience. If we act as if we are "cursed" by menstruation, then it's going to seem like an awful experience. If we act like it's a productive part of life, it's going to be easier to tolerate and seem like less of a nuisance.

I equate it to attitudes about childbirth. If you have the attitude that giving birth is a pleasure, then it's a lot easier to get through the pain

My DD is only two, but I definitely plan to mark the occasion of her menarche. Ear piercing or a special piece of jewelry will be part of the celebration. Even if she is a little embarrassed by it, I want her to look back and realize that menstruating isn't shameful or gross.


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## karina5 (Apr 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimim* 
I'm not speaking directly to you karina, but your comment kind of sums up the idea I'm replying to.

I think the idea is that if you treat it as a positive thing it seems more like a positive experience. If we act as if we are "cursed" by menstruation, then it's going to seem like an awful experience. If we act like it's a productive part of life, it's going to be easier to tolerate and seem like less of a nuisance.

I equate it to attitudes about childbirth. If you have the attitude that giving birth is a pleasure, then it's a lot easier to get through the pain

My DD is only two, but I definitely plan to mark the occasion of her menarche. Ear piercing or a special piece of jewelry will be part of the celebration. Even if she is a little embarrassed by it, I want her to look back and realize that menstruating isn't shameful or gross.


That's cool. I still to this day don't find anything positive about my period, so maybe this would have helped me, LOL.

And honestly, like I said, whatever works for people. It's just not for me to celebrate.


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## ilanam (Sep 27, 2006)

I think this is something well worth celebrating. Part of a girls mortification at these things is the sense of shame and secrecy that's often attached to this...celebrating this sends a very clear and different message. How you celebrate should certainly be based on your DD. A great book that goes into some of this is Moon Mother, Moon Daughter. I was originally planning a part with family (her godmother, aunt etc..) but as she gets closer I can tell this is something that would uncomfortable for her so we'll do something quieter. She's been wanting to peirce her upper ear lobe and this may be something we do to celebrate the event. I don't think it's so important how one celebrates this event, just that it is celebrated as a joyous thing...it may be a pain, but it is also our power!!


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## magikalmoon (Aug 24, 2007)

I have tried to do research and find sites and groups for mothers raising daughters and got very frustrated because there is nothing. So I started a group for mothers raising daughters, step-daughter, adopted or foster daughters to come and chat, laugh, cry, ask and tell the joys, challenges, heartaches and tears of raising our daughters. We talk about everything...puberty, school, friends, peer-pressure, sex, drugs, alcohol and so many other topics related. Share stories. Share resources...what ever is needed. I did this and is dedicated to my dd who is 9 and educating her as I never was. So please, fix a cup of tea or coffee, don't forget the chocolate, pull up a comfortable chair or some pillows and stay awhile...

www.groups.yahoo.com/group/MothersRaisingDaughters


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pumpkinyum* 
Excuse me one moment. uke

Strawberry shortcake shall never be the same.









Is your bucket big enough for more puke







:









Seriously, people







:


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimim* 
I think the idea is that if you treat it as a positive thing it seems more like a positive experience. If we act as if we are "cursed" by menstruation, then it's going to seem like an awful experience. If we act like it's a productive part of life, it's going to be easier to tolerate and seem like less of a nuisance.

.


No amount of airy-fairy positive thinking would have made my period a 'positive experience' when I was a kid. It was sheer hell. Agonizing pain month after month, vomiting, fainting, missing school, the mess, the smell, the embarassing leaks.

Granted, not everyone has that bad of an experience, but let's not belittle people for not wanting to celebrate what was really quite hellish.


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## karina5 (Apr 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
No amount of airy-fairy positive thinking would have made my period a 'positive experience' when I was a kid. It was sheer hell. Agonizing pain month after month, vomiting, fainting, missing school, the mess, the smell, the embarassing leaks.

Granted, not everyone has that bad of an experience, but let's not belittle people for not wanting to celebrate what was really quite hellish.


LOL at "airy-fairy positive thinking"


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## kafka (Jan 10, 2007)

I'd suggest taking the day off from work/school and going out to lunch together at a really nice place. The party idea sounds ghastly. My aunt did this to my cousin (my age) and I can honestly say she never recovered from the mortification.lol

ETA: lol...Just saw you decided upon basically the same idea. Have fun!


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## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pumpkinyum* 
Excuse me one moment. uke

Strawberry shortcake shall never be the same.










My thought's exactly. If my mom had done that, I'd have had to find all new firends after that. Not. cute.at.all.

I'd say just go out for a special lunch, if she's into it. And NO illustrative foods!


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

Red Flower is a book for girls experiencing or coming up on menarche. It has some great positive info about menarche and such. Though I must say I haven't read it in a while....
Puking aside,







: and







: I have to agree with PPs, my daughter just looked at me (at the suggestion she might consider a menarche celebration) and said "Uh, no....but thanks for thinking of me". At this age girls generally are mortified at the thought of people both knowing they have gotten OR have NOT yet gotten their periods!!! Pretty much anything regarding menstruation is just WAYYYYY TMI....








OTOH, my now 16 y o DD is totally without shame and happily discusses periods, etc in the presence of her DSF, who is also without shame. Thank Earth! At first it freaked me out a little, but the fact that neither is bothered by the discussion, and in fact welcome the chance to gain understanding made me relax about the whole thing.
laoxinat


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## CaraNicole (Feb 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
No amount of airy-fairy positive thinking would have made my period a 'positive experience' when I was a kid. It was sheer hell. Agonizing pain month after month, vomiting, fainting, missing school, the mess, the smell, the embarassing leaks.

Granted, not everyone has that bad of an experience, but let's not belittle people for not wanting to celebrate what was really quite hellish.









I've had the same problem EVERY month and no amount of "positive thinking" would change the dread I had every month. Not to mention having to plan off days (when I worked) around my period and explaining to male managers, No I can't come in that day I'll be sick. Which of course always lead to "How do you know your going to be sick 2 weeks from now"


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