# My son, Jase Orion. ( Quite long, sorry)



## mimi_n_tre (Jun 15, 2005)

Today is my due date. My little boy would have been due around this time if I had went to term. I am now 6 weeks pregnant with his little (hopefully) brother, or perhaps sister. I love and miss you Jase&#8230;.

I was the second child born this year. Mom had my older sibling on January 20th, who was only about 8 weeks old. To help her with her grief I came along the next month.







Mom had me planned out almost to the very minute. My sibling, who was also very much wanted, was planned two years ago, but mom didn't have him until this year so it broke her heart that she had lost him. She had never experienced losing a pregnancy, and so I decided to try to help her work through it. Mom had her aunt flow on February 16, and had her ovulation calculator out so that she could actually try for me. Her fertile days were the 25 through March 3, so she made sure that she dressed especially sexy for daddy, so that she improved her chances of having me. Mom ovulated on March 1st, and on the 11th of March, mom found out that I was here.

Mom wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to leave her like my sibling so she made her doctors appointment where they took her blood to make sure her numbers were rising. Dad made sure to go to all of her appointments, he wanted to make sure I was doing all right too. Everything came back good and Mom and Dad were so excited that Trevor was going to have a little brother/sister. Her first doctors appointment was when I was 5 weeks old and all they did was ask mom about a lot of stuff, and then set up an appointment for an ultrasound to make sure I was doing okay and growing. On the day before mom's birthday, April 12, I gave mom an early present and let her see me on the big screen and they made a movie to take home with them. Mom and Dad started to cry when they got to see my little heart beating.

Mom did a good job of taking care of me, although she could have drank more water... On Memorial Day, we all went fishing and mom got really sun burned on her legs. A few weeks before that mom, who loves her lemons with salt, had cankles ( her ankles were the size of her calves). Dad laughed at her and made her go lay down the rest of the night ( I think he thought she was just way too sexy like that!). I first let mom know that I was really here at about 12 weeks. Mom was so excited to have felt me move, even if it was just a tiny bit. I continued to grow and my kicks became stronger.

Mom kept all of her doctor's appointments, but the hospital near us had changed their policy and since mom didn't want to be cut open again ( With my brother, mom had severe hellp syndrome and she and brother almost died and so she had to have an emergency c-section) they told her that she could try to go to a different hospital. Mom made an appointment, and cancelled the one with her first doctor, and went to the doctors on August 11. Due to the stupid insurance company, mom couldn't see the doctor, and so she had to fix the insurance company and couldn't get back in to the doctors until September 9.

On August 20, I wasn't feeling so well. Mom and Dad went to the movies to see the 40-year virgin. I tried to tell mom I wasn't feeling well, but mom just thought I was saying hi as usual. I kept pushing down on mom's bladder to try to get her attention, but instead mom and dad kept pushing me back up. I decided to tell mom I loved her and gave her one last kick at about 11 that night.

Mom knew there was something wrong on Wednesday. She didn't want to admit it though, so she didn't go to the doctors. Instead she kept making excuses that I was just sleeping or that maybe I was hiding. Dad tried to get mom to go to the hospital on the 28th, but mom thought she had felt me move, so she decided not to. Mom told Dad that I was gone, but they both had hoped I was still here. Mom figured that if I was gone, her body would do its job, but it never did so I must have been okay. Mom wanted to make sure completely that her bad feelings, while they did hurt her, were true so she went to a nearby hospital with Dad on September 7, since Dad couldn't go to her appointment on September 9th. The labor staff looked at mom like she was in the wrong department and said that there was no way that she could be 7 months pregnant. The did an ultrasound and told mom that yes, I was gone, and to keep her doctors appointment for Friday, and that mom would most likely need a D&C. I guess they didn't want to deal with me. They said that I was only measuring at a little over 20 weeks, but I did in fact make it to 26 1/2 weeks. Before we left, they made sure mom didn't have any infections since I had been gone for about 3 weeks.

Mom went to her doctors appointment on Friday. Mom's original plan for my sibling that was born in January, who was actually due on September 9, was to have the some doctor deliver me as the one that delivered my older brother, but he had moved to another hospital. When mom went to the hospital and told the staff that I was gone, the doctor who delivered Trevor came in and said hi and told mom she might need another c-section. Another doctor also came in, mom much preferred him, and gave his condolences and said mom would be admitted and that she needed to stay at the hospital due to her previous c-sec. Mom was so happy that she didn't have to have another c-section and didn't have to have a D&C. They sent mom up to Labor and Delivery where instead of the nice doctors, she got a very young and cocky jerk. He was so impersonal and gave mom two laminara and sent her on her way. So mom went home at about 2 in the afternoon, and was told to come back tomorrow at the same time for 2 more laminara.

Mom woke up at about 3:30 in the morning. She never had contractions with my older brother so she was unsure of what she was feeling. She had felt her stomach tightening and counted how many she was having. She had seven of them in 20 minutes. Dad woke up during this time, and mom said that they were going to go to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital, they sent mom to Labor and Delivery, and the jerk doctor came in after about an hour. They pulled out mom's laminara and felt to see if she was dilated. It hurt mom when he stuck his whole hand in mom, and then he made her go into the next room where he saw that I was going to be breech and my foot was up. They then sent mom back into her room. She continued to have contractions and such, and finally started to throw up. Mom didn't know it at the time, but I guess that meant she was in transition. A nurse finally came in and put in a huge needle in her arm, while telling mom "just relax, and breathe through your contractions." It was much easier for her to say, since mom had no idea exactly what was coming, and didn't know it would have been so soon.

They sent mom to one room where it was still a mess, and not ready for her. They decided to move mom into another room, but mom was too busy having contractions, then puking, then contractions again. Finally, we got to a room and mom asked for something for the pain, which she very much so regrets. (Mom at the time was hurting badly, emotionally and physically, and felt that why should she feel all of this pain when I was going to be born dead anyways.) Mom felt the contractions and fell asleep in between them. After about a half an hour in the new room, mom felt me start to come out. Dad asked if he should get the nurse and mom said no. Another contraction, just when the nurse came in. Mom told the nurse I was coming, and then went back to sleep. Mom remembers the doctor coming in and he broke her water. Mom no longer had contractions, and my body came out easily. My head was another story though.

Between the time that my body was born and my head was born, mom had to go pee. Mom didn't want to go pee on anyone, but the doctor kept yelling at her to just go, and mom wouldn't. Finally, the doctor got pissed enough and left. Mom went pee. The doctor came back, and mom was told to push like she was pooping. She tried and tried, I think it was hard for her since I was so small, and finally I came out. Mom was relieved, and heard the nurses say something about the dad, and mom looked over and Dad was crying like Mom had never seen before. It was comforting to her. Mom heard them say that I was a boy, but mom still had to get up and see for herself. They asked Mom if she wanted a picture, which of course she did. Mom then went to sleep again for a while.

When Mom finally awoke, she just kind of looked at me in the baby crib thing. She was scared to look at me. She felt so disappointed, and felt that there was something that she must have done in order for this to happen to me. She finally got the nerve to hold me. She thought I looked just like my brother. I was a lot chunkier than him though. She noticed that I would have had blonde hair, and I already had blonde eyebrows. Later, mom noticed that I had the jaw and facial structure like my daddy. She didn't hold me for long, and is one other thing that my Mommy regrets. They gave Mom a box, a very special box. It had my first, well second if you include my ultrasound picture, picture, my bands, my footprints, and a piece of paper that said I weighed 1 pound 1 ounce, and was 11 inches long. I was born at 8:58 in the morning on Saturday September 10.

Mom and Dad made arrangements to have me cremated. Mom couldn't think of having her son that she had only know for such a short time being eaten and disintegrating in a wooden box. They filled out the paperwork, and the man asked for a name. Mom didn't even know I was a boy. She decided then and there that she would use a name that dad had suggested along with the middle name she liked. I finally had a name, Jase Orion.

A few days before I was cremated, Mom came to see me for one last time. She told herself not to cry, but did anyways. My older brother and Dad came along, and my brother finally got to see me and hold me. Mom tried to take footprints and handprints, but neither came out too well. She took pictures, and had made a burial blanket for me to go with. It was very nice and had a big "J" on it, along with a sew on angel. Mom took off all of the cotton and plastic that they put on my body, and inspected me. She thought " how can this be my baby?, my baby has to be alive, I don't deserve this." They put me in my blanket, held me for a while, and then kissed me and said their last goodbyes. Jase 1 Jase 2 Jase 3

Mom came to pick me up in my new home about three days later. She started to cry when they handed her a velvet bag with a box inside. I now sit at home in their bedroom. Mom and dad decided to keep me in my box until they get their own home, where they will plant me with my own tree. It will be the Jase tree. Mom and Dad have decided to keep my name very special, in which if Mom has a boy this next time around, they will call him Alistair Orion, just to make sure that no one will ever forget about me.

I love you and miss you Jase. I wish you were here.
Love,
Mom


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

I am so, so sorry.

What a beautiful tribute to your baby.


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## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

I am soo sorry- I am balling..
thank you for sharing your beautiful story- much







to you-


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## littlemama06 (Oct 29, 2005)

mimi-I am sorry for the loss of your baby boy.The story you tellis very beautiful.Thank you for sharing your baby with us.I can tell how much he is loved by you.


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Jase

Thank you for sharing your little boy and his beautiful story with us.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I am sorry mama, for both of your losses. Sending healing, loving and gentle vibes your way.


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## KYCat (May 19, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss.
I am sending you hope and peace for this holiday season and through your next pregnancy. Know that Jase's love is watching over you and will be with you always.







for Jase Orion


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I am so sorry.


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## Mylie (Mar 15, 2004)




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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I am very sorry









Thank you for sharing Jase with us

tara


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## CartersMomma (Jan 4, 2002)

Hugs to you mama. Thank you for sharing Jase's story. My heart breaks for you, but I also have HOPE for you and this new life you carry.


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## Twilight (Jun 9, 2005)

and thank you for sharing. what a precious little angel... he is beautiful.


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## mimi_n_tre (Jun 15, 2005)

Well, it has been a while. 11 months ago you left me. I now have a two month old daughter, which would have been a 9 month old son.

I am sitting here crying once again. I miss you so much baby. Between Sunday and yesterday is when you left me last year. I have 2 1/2 more weeks until the one year anniversary of when I met your little body. After hearing your sister cry, the only thing I said was that it should have been you. I love you.

I am so sorry this had to happen to you.
I am so sorry that you died from something that could have been prevented.
I am so sorry that you sit on my t.v. stand gathering dust.
I am so sorry that so many will forget the times we had together.
I am so sorry that I did not grieve long enough for you.
I am so sorry that I could not handle the pain of delivering you without meds.
I am so sorry that I didn't hold you enough.
I am so sorry that you had to die in order for me to meet your little sister.

I wish you could be here now.
I wish you could have worn the outfits I bought for you.
I wish you could be here now to hold your sister.
I wish you could be a baby drinking from my breast.
I wish I could be changing your diaper.
I wish I could hold you one more time.
I wish I could feel you again.
I wish I could see you grow up.
I wish I could see you get married.
I wish I could see your children.
I wish I could see you here playing with your family.
I wish I didn't have to be writing this...

I love you so much. Why did this happen? I am so sorry mommy didn't take care of herself enough so that perhaps you would be here today. But if this didn't happen, your little sister wouldn't be here. I named her after you baby. Her name is Arianna Kharma Orion. When we have another, the baby will also be an Orion.

Here are some pictures of your baby sister.

Arianna a few hours old

Arianna a few weeks ago

Arianna and your brother

Arianna and Dad

I think you would have Dad's color, like your sister. But I think you looked a lot more like Dad that Ari does.

I just wanted to tell you Jase, that I love you and I miss you so much.

I love you.
Mom


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## Summerland (Aug 9, 2005)

Im so sorry


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

Congratulations on your beautiful baby daughter!

I'm so sorry about Jase.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I'm so sorry about your loss. I'm sure that Jase knows how loved he still is.









Arianna is beautiful. Congratulations on your little girl.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

The is the first time I've cried in a couple of months. Thank you so much for sharing. you have a beautiful family.








Jase Orion


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Mary







s Arianna is so beautiful. She looks alot like Jase I think. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am thinking of you and your family.


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## Ben's Mommy (Aug 11, 2005)

You have such love for your babies. I am so sorry you have to go thru any of this.







's


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Mary,
Your daughter is beautiful. Thank you for posting -- it has been so long but I realized I replied to your post about Jase. He will never be forgotten. He will live in your heart and your thoughts forever and watch down on his brother and sister. Much love to you all.


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## Katana (Nov 16, 2002)

Mary, much love to you, and all of your babies.


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