# S/O- Stress level during pregnancy & baby's temperament



## ap mom (Dec 23, 2006)

S/O of "General Wonderment of Sorts" thread:

I've always wondered how mom's stress levels & emotional state during pregnancy effect baby/child later on. If you had a "high stress" pregnancy, is your baby more "high needs"? Or not? Poll to come.


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## MariesMama (Sep 26, 2008)

I had a very emotionally stressful pregnancy. Physically I was fine and the pregnancy itself was very easy, but I broke up with dd's father when I was 4 months along but had to live with him until I was about 7 months or so. We had separate rooms but he was always drunk and bringing friends home after the bar for the afterparty. Lovely.

I was also somewhat depressed and cried all the time. It sucked.

I have the most laid back daughter ever. She loves people in general and has only started having stranger anxiety in the last week or so (she is 12 months). She has always been independent and can entertain herself SO well. Everyone comments on how outgoing she is.

Also - NEVER colicky, started sleeping through the night at about 4 months (no I did not ever CIO, she would go down at about 10pm, get up at about 5am for a snack, and go back down until 9 or 10), just the most content infant.

Sorry so long.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I don't know how to answer that one. I had an incredibly easy pregnancy with ds1, and he was a pretty easy-going baby.

I had a very easy pregnancy with dd and she was very high-needs and colicky as a baby (wouldn't settle, wouldn't nurse well, didn't sleep, cried for 4 straight hours every night, etc.) However, I _did_ have some low-level chronic stress, just because it had been so long since I'd successfully conceived and carried to term, and I was _slightly_ worried about something going wrong. Also, the last 48 hours was absolute hell, once I'd caved in and let myself be bullied into the c-section. I don't know if 48 hours of really high stress would be enough to matter, though....

My pregnancy with ds2 was...tough. I don't know if it was exactly high stress. Most of the time, it wasn't bad, but the first month or so was punctuated by nightly nightmares, and my prenatal appointments were hellish. I spent that entire pregnancy fighting for a VBA2C, and that part was awful. OTOH, we were living with my mom and stepdad, so my day-to-day life stress was pretty low, and I was getting lots of walks with dh and such. I did love being pregnant. DS2 is my hardest _child_, but was, by far, my easiest baby.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

1st baby - high stress, calm baby
2nd baby - high stress, high needs
3rd baby - low stress, high needs


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I was very calm during both pregnancies, and both my kids have very easy-going temperaments. I don't take credit for it, though -- I think it's just the way they are!


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

I wouldn't really worry or guilt trip yourself about this. It seems like it's yet another thing to shove off on and stress pregnant women about (as if they didn't have enough already, some of them)--now you can screw up your child if you don't have the pregnancy of a zen master!

I had a fun, low stress pregnancy with DD. She was very low needs as a baby, but is an extremely strong willed (and occasionally I will even use the word belligerent) older child.

I had a horrific and traumatic pregnancy and delivery with my twins, to the point that almost 6 years later I can STILL not write a birth story because of my strong fear reaction to reliving it. Also, the first six weeks really sucked too, because of some medical issues. That being said, while they required a lot (as one might expect from two newborns), both my boys are very laid back, thoughtful, sweet older children.

I think it's good for the *mom* if she can be as relaxed and stress free as humanly possible during her pregnancy, but I kind of worry if tying baby personality to how stressed she was is going to cause more people to worry about their worrying causing damage to their baby, which might roll into a self-fulfilling prophecy, KWIM?


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## Liquesce (Nov 4, 2006)

Two very, very, VERY high stress pregnancies (during the first of which I was convinced my child's personality was going to be ruined forever as a result), and two equally very mellow, easygoing babies.


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## abomgardner417 (Jun 19, 2007)

I would have to say "Other". I had an incredibly emotionally stressful twin pregnancy w/ complications. One of my twins is high needs and the other is totally laid back and easy going.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I had a low stress pregnancy and was the calmest and happiest I had ever been up to that point. My daughter came out mostly calm and happy but also very very needy.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigerchild* 
I wouldn't really worry or guilt trip yourself about this. It seems like it's yet another thing to shove off on and stress pregnant women about (as if they didn't have enough already, some of them)--now you can screw up your child if you don't have the pregnancy of a zen master!

While I totally get where you're coming from, I tend to see it from the other direction. I almost wish negative impact on babies from maternal stress could be documented...so that moms-to-be would have something to pull out when people start hassling them. It would be awesome to be able to deal with some busybody hassling me about a drink (okay - that never actually happened, but you know the "womb as public property" thing) by pointing out that they could be harming my baby by hassling me, and that they should leave me alone. Hey - it might even work on OBs!!


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

1st pregnancy: low stress, high needs babe
2nd preg: medium stress, baby not born yet...


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
While I totally get where you're coming from, I tend to see it from the other direction. I almost wish negative impact on babies from maternal stress could be documented...so that moms-to-be would have something to pull out when people start hassling them. It would be awesome to be able to deal with some busybody hassling me about a drink (okay - that never actually happened, but you know the "womb as public property" thing) by pointing out that they could be harming my baby by hassling me, and that they should leave me alone. Hey - it might even work on OBs!!

In an ideal world, yes. But I don't think that's how things tend to work.

People take common sense things such as: avoid a lot of processed foods while pregnant, try to eat the healthiest, freshest diet you can...and turn it into ZOMG IF YOU EAT THAT LUNCHMEAT YOUR BABY WILL DIE OF LISTERIA!!!!! zOMG!!!!! IF YOU DON'T GRIND YOUR FLOUR YOURSELF TO MAKE YOUR BREAD YOU'RE POPPING YOUR BABY'S BRAIN CELLS LIKE BUBBLE WRAP!!!!!111!eleventyone!!1

Things like that are almost always used by OBs to hassle women, not the other way around. And then you have the obnoxious people too that are going to take credit for what is in part an inborn trait, and use it to rant about and look down on other moms.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigerchild* 
In an ideal world, yes. But I don't think that's how things tend to work.

People take common sense things such as: avoid a lot of processed foods while pregnant, try to eat the healthiest, freshest diet you can...and turn it into ZOMG IF YOU EAT THAT LUNCHMEAT YOUR BABY WILL DIE OF LISTERIA!!!!! zOMG!!!!! IF YOU DON'T GRIND YOUR FLOUR YOURSELF TO MAKE YOUR BREAD YOU'RE POPPING YOUR BABY'S BRAIN CELLS LIKE BUBBLE WRAP!!!!!111!eleventyone!!1

Things like that are almost always used by OBs to hassle women, not the other way around. And then you have the obnoxious people too that are going to take credit for what is in part an inborn trait, and use it to rant about and look down on other moms.

Sadly, you're probably right. I rarely slip into fantasyland in my reproductive life anymore, but a magic pill to make OBs treat women better would be nice...

And, yeah - you're right. I really envy the "zen" mamas, but it's hard when I get the "you could be just like me if you _really_ wanted to" vibe. I'm not serene. I always wanted to be, but I'm just not. My personality is very...intense? Something like that. Relaxation is not my strong suit, even though I work on it all the time.

ETA: I _am_ probably belligerent enough to tell off an OB if he/she was causing me stress and I had scientific backup saying it was bad for my baby, though! Might be fun...


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

high emotional angst while pregnant - marriage broke up, easy, easy pregnancy and v. high needs baby.

but i think we are the perfect match. my dd is go go go and i am pretty laid back. she has the type A personality as her dad. i definitely feel we balance each other out. i help her 'smell the roses' and she helps me from falling into apathy.

she was the perfect high needs for me. i discovered inspite of my experience with babies and my ECE classes, i wasnt v. intuitive where babies were concerned. so i feel she 'whipped' me into place by being demanding so that she got her needs met. i hope at least. boy how can i say how grateful i am that my dd was a screamer. i would have been a worse mommy with a calm baby.

she was v. v. active in the womb. and now outside the same.


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

Oh, this is a good one too. I've just posted onto my thread "General Wonderment" with another idea for a 'cause' for HNs babies if anyone wants to make some more suggestions over there...

I wasn't entirely sure how to answer this. DD is definitely high needs, but I wasn't sure how stressful my pregnancy was. Nobody died, I didn't have any serious emotional or financial problems, physically everything was just dandy apart from a bit of morning sickness at the beginning and some swelling and carpal tunnel syndrome at the end.

But I did have a huge amount of stress directly related to my pregnancy. I was living abroad (still am) in a very anti-homebirth country. I encountered a number of awful OBs who thought that my being pregnant meant that I had relinquished all rights to my own body, started to really research homebirth, read so much on the internet and in books about how the vast majority of obstetrics is most likely doing more harm than good and not at all evidence based. I spent ages trying to find a midwife to do HB here who spoke English. I spent quite a while terrified that I would have to have a C-section because DD was breech for a while. Then I went post dates resulting in a huge amount of stress about that too. Finally had DD at 43+1 weeks, unfortunately culminating in a very traumatic birth where the midwife was unprofessional, coerced me into transferring to the hospital where I was punished for having attempted a homebirth resulting in a lot more unnecessary trauma for both of us.

I finally voted 'high stress pregnancy, high needs baby' but really I wouldn't have been stressed at all if I lived somewhere where the environment was supportive of natural birth, as none of the things I was stressed about and bullied over should be a consideration in a properly civilised society that understands the process of birth as physiological, not pathological.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

I've had three low stress pregnancies, and have two happy / calm children and one high needs.


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## wild fire child (Jun 25, 2008)

My internet connection is like molasses atm, so we'll see if this posts or not...

My DS is only 2.5 months, but so far he is the easiest, quietest baby I could imagine. My pregnancy was stressful at first (I'm 19 and living with IL's and had never ironed out my full stance on termination and DH would not give me his opinion, so I had a lot to think about), but as soon as we hit 12 weeks it was a breeze. Never any physical complications, I stayed small in the belly, worked until the night before I went into labor, never even had swollen feet, had clothes given to me so he really didn't cost much, etc. The first few weeks were stressful because of physical complications with breastfeeding, but I got through it and he was wonderful.

We'll see what the future brings!


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## Smalls181 (May 12, 2006)

Very calm, low stress pregnancy in general. Very cranky newborn. Most calm content older baby and 2 year old.

My sister had the opposite. She had a lot of stress going on during her pregnancy, and a very stressful, induced labor. Her baby was incredibly calm and content and rarely cried as an infant. But now she is a difficult 1 year old.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

The poll presumes that mom's stress -> baby's personality.

How about the other way around? I suspect that my child's personality actually impacted me during pregnancy, rather than the other way around.

I felt more anxiety in my first pregnancy than I have ever had in my life - and it disappeared upon birth (I was very scared of postpartum depression, but in fact, I was great!). My first child is anxious. I also suffered hypoglycemia during pregnancy and it disappeared upon birth - and my child, I suspect, has hypoglycemia.

Second pregnancy, I did not have the anxiety and my child does not have anxiety issues. I also did not have hypoglycemia and my second son doesn't have it either.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Well, stress inutero can affect brain development, so it is scientifically plausible for it to affect temperament, since brain structure and neuron activity is partially responsible for behavior and emotions. I don't think it's a "catch-all" thing though, because it can depend on the biological make-up of both mother and developing child, the type of stress, prenatal nutrition, ext.
My first pregnancy was very stressful at times, but also happy and relaxing at others. Destiny was somewhat of a high-needs baby, always wanting to be held and played with, but she wasn't unhappy. She was very friendly and loved attention. She only got upset when she felt like no one was paying attention to her. My second pregnancy was extremely stressful in the beginning. It was a huge surprise and I nearly terminated, but changed my mind right after I had checked for my appointment at Planned Parenthood. After that I had a hard time accepting that my body would probably never be what it was before children, and at 20, it was really tough. My relationship with my children's father was not that great, but overall, I had a lot of support, my own apartment, and felt more prepared for parenthood than I had with my first. I ate better, didn't gain as much weight, and was more committed to parenting this time around. Deanna was always a very particular baby, wanting things "just so" if you will, but was never really "high-needs". She was much more independent than her sister and didn't care to be held as much-sometimes not at all. She ate better and was less sensitive to stress, unlike Destiny, who would jump at the slightest noise or change in tone. She was more in her own little world, and even now, is still that way. Destiny still feels emotion very intensely, is very sensitive, and has a hard time calming down when stressed. Deanna, on the other hand, although she does have a temper, is easier to calm and reason with.


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## craftymom (Jun 27, 2005)

1st baby--low stress pg, high needs kid (not so much as a baby, but as a toddler to now at 9, yes)
2nd baby--high stress pg (high risk, medicated), happy go lucky kid

Did not vote because I couldn't figure out how to do 2 kids!


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Ds: High stress, 'high needs'. He has sensory issues and is on the autism spectrum.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I have easy, low key pregnancies. I have one very high needs child and one laid back child, we'll see what #3 is here soon, I hoping for another "easy" child though.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I had a very high stress pregnancy with my son - I had lost my daughter due to a cord accident at her full-term birth, and I was first selling my house and then commuting back and forth between two cities 5 hrs apart, and then we were buying a house and moving. Plus, my son had some growth issues and we were worried that he would not have a good birth weight (I only gained 17 lbs and he was measuring quite low).

He was a very calm and easy going baby.

I don't think we need to get on pregnant women over whether they are stressed or not.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I couldn't vote because there was no option for me.

My answer would be: easy pregnancy/easy baby/CRAZY TODDLER!!!!

I had a very enjoyable pregnancy in fact it was definitely the happiest I have ever been in my life, I was almost like a new person. DD was a very easy baby and then she became a toddler and all hell broke loose. She's sweet tempered but oh lordy the child is non-stop, go-go girl. She started crawling and cruising at 6.5 months and has not stopped to take a breath since. She didn't really walk she ran all the time. She does now actually walk and hold my hand, she is mellowing a bit, but she's 2.5 and has major attitude. Ugh...


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

It fits for me. With #1, I was working full time and really stressed out from juggling that, pregnancy, and home stuff. And #1's temperment, particularly as a baby, was rough. Colic, but just generally high needs. And she still is pretty high needs, though she's a sweetie.

#2, though, I was much more relaxed, and so far #2 is easy easy easy.


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