# A New Thread For Mamas Who Are Doing Child Led Weaning



## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

It's been a while since anyone posted on the old thread and it's so long now that I thought I'd start a new one. I really miss all of the advice, support and sharing that are so helpful on the CLW journey. So please, everyone check back in!









Thanks Mother Sunshine for suggesting this.


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## NatureMama3 (Feb 25, 2004)

oh goody! I've been looking all over for you folk!









I realize I'm a far cry from where most are (my nursling is only 22 months), but already I'm experiencing a significantly different nursing relationship than most of my friends (irl or online) who nurse due to my philosophy of CLW. I lurk here for support!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Hi!

It doesn't matter what age your child is at all. We can all learn from eachother.









I just realized I should change the thread title since not everyone knows what CLW means. Oops!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

This is a good idea Mama All Natural. The old thread was getting very long and lost in the shuffle so hopefully this thread will bring new life to the forum.

NatureMamaOR, I just got your PM, glad you found it.


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## Angierae (Aug 17, 2004)

Yippy!

I am so far into uncharted territory I hardly recognize myself. I remember once reading an atricle about a woman EBF her 3yo and thinking "Wow, that kid must be SO high-need." I never knew tandem could apply to anything other than bicycles. Now I thank God for 2 boobs! I am so glad you guys are here. You keep me from freaking myself out.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

My son is 3 1/2 and he nursed 2 weeks ago. Before that, it was 3 weeks since he last nursed. Sometimes I considered his weaning to have been child led weaning, but other times I realized I played a large role in his weaning. I read "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and realized that I had done almost everything in the weaning chapter. Only my son hadn't weaned. I got pregnant with my 2nd when he was only 8 months old and he nursed through the pregnancy. There were times when I had to set some clear boundaries with my body or when I just couldnt' nurse him when he asked. But that didn't cause him to wean. He just made up for missing a nursing session later on.
I do feel a little conflicted though on whether I can claim it was child led weaning or mother led weaning. I seriously don't feel that he stopped until he felt like it. I think the impetus was that my milk flow slowed down tremendously due to pregnancy and the taste changed and he just didn't feel like nursing anymore.
My daughter is still nursing frequently.

So anyway, I glanced through the other thread and this has been on my mind a bit. I guess we all have a different story and relationship with our nurslings


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Angierae*







Yippy!

I am so far into uncharted territory I hardly recognize myself. I remember once reading an atricle about a woman EBF her 3yo and thinking "Wow, that kid must be SO high-need." I never knew tandem could apply to anything other than bicycles. Now I thank God for 2 boobs! I am so glad you guys are here. You keep me from freaking myself out.

I can definitely relate! When I walked into my first LLL meeting, there was a woman nursing an 18 month old and I thought, "WOW! That kid is HUGE! And she's NURSING him!?!" I had planned to "give nursing a try" for maybe 3-6 months. Almost 6 years later I have nursed through one pregnancy, then tandem nursed, then tandem nursed through pregnancy, then triandem nursed until my oldest self-weaned on his fifth birthday. I'm currently nursing my 4+ year old and my 2+ year old.

Thanks for starting a new thread, MamaAllNatural!!!


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Hi everyone









It seems I have been on the computer less and less lately, but I am still checking in. I feel like our nursing relationships are such a journey once we surrender to it. I never expected to be nursing all of these years. Still, when I hear the term, "extended nursing", I think of dd, not ds. He is only 4!

I realize nursing into preschool age, not to mention, childhood, is quite suspect in our culture. Why would anyone *choose* to do it? I guess, for me, I chose to follow my chilren's needs and to trust them, and their feelings. Dd nurses less and less...but continues to sing songs about nursing, talk about nursing and talk about nursing her own babies.







I don't know where the journey will lead us..but I do know nursing has helped to nurture empathetic, happy and secure children.


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## Butter (Oct 6, 2004)

We do child led weaning









My daughter weaned at 3 years 5 months. She was nursing 4-6 times a day generally by that point. We had talked about weaning and she knew that whenever she was ready she could stop nursing. One Saturday she was walking with me to get the mail and told me she had enjoyed nursing and thanked me for doing it and said she was now ready to stopped and pronounced herself weaned. She had already nursed 3 times that morning and early afternoon so I wasn't sure if she truly meant it. Turns out she did mean it and she was weaned.

My son was 1 3/4 when Miss A weaned. He is 3 now and still nursing. I doubt he'll wean the way Miss A did. He'll probably be one of the slow weaners. It took him a couple months to completely cut out his night nursings back in May/June/July. I'm not even exactly sure when he nightweaned since he did it so slowly. I figure that's how he wean off his day nursings, too.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I intend to let my son wean himself, though I'm having doubts at the moment. Last night I had BooBah in the sling, and when I asked him to wait for Mike to finish doing laundry so he could hold her, you'd have thought the world ended. He screamed, threw himself on the ground, crying "I want nursies! Mamma, nurse your baby boy! Nurse a little boy! Maaaammmaaaa!!! NUUUUURRRRSSSIIIIIIIIIIIEEE!!" and on and on like that for a good half an hour, until Mike finished the laundry and came in to hold him while I put the baby back to sleep.







It was absolutely awful. I don't think I can handle much more of it. He just doesn't understand that when he wakes his sister up, it will take me much longer to get to him than it would if he was just quiet for a few minutes. I'm totally losing it!







:

He's back to getting most of his nutrition from me; his sister is, of course, recieving all of her nutrition from me. I'm physically exhausted, taking a vitamin doesn't seem to help, and if I didn't NAK I'd spend a grand total of 15 minutes a day online. Doing all this nursing, you'd think I'd at least be losing weight, but no, I appear to have gained five pounds since my daughter's birth. UGH. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself, and that doesn't help the nursing (or anything else).

I feel horribly guilty when I think about weaning my BeanBean, but I do think about it, and often. I don't think I should-- after all, when he's nursing he's quiet, he's my sweet little baby again... but when he's not nursing, sometimes he's just too much for me. He'd rather have me stay in bed all day just waiting for him to nurse than anything else, and I can't live like that. I don't get out enough as it is! I feel like my entire life revolves around when he needs to nurse. It's just really getting to be too much for me. Sometimes I just wish he'd leave me alone.







:


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## callmemama (May 7, 2002)

Hang in there eilonwy! Your toddler is really still a baby himself and can't understand how another baby could take his place!

My nursling will be 5 next month. He usually nurses to sleep every night, but recently dh has been putting him to bed one night a week. We had big plans to ride a train this weekend, and he was so excited about it, he put himself to bed (and to sleep) so he could wake up early! I think my little guy is growing up!









Thanks for starting a new thread MamaAllNatural. The other one really was too long and I was always taken aback when someone would respond to the poll in the midst of a CLW discussion - lol.


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## NatureMama3 (Feb 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom4tot*
Hi everyone








I feel like our nursing relationships are such a journey once we surrender to it. I never expected to be nursing all of these years.

YES!!!!!!! and while I've only been nursing for just under 2 years, I NEVER expected to be nursing THIS long. Until recently I'd only known 1 person who nursed past 1 or so and she was from a different subculture (hispanic).

The biggest difference I see between my/our nursing relationship and others around is there's no conflict of interest. I'm not struggling to (get enough sleep, get him to sleep on his own, get hiim to eat more solids, etc) and stressing about those "problems". We're just going with the flow and it's SO easy!


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NatureMamaOR*
The biggest difference I see between my/our nursing relationship and others around is there's no conflict of interest. I'm not struggling to (get enough sleep, get him to sleep on his own, get hiim to eat more solids, etc) and stressing about those "problems". We're just going with the flow and it's SO easy!


I acn relate to this also. Other moms would say things like..."don't you worry about him eating this or that..." or "Cosleeping can lead to all kinds of sleep problems.." or "don't you worry because you can't leave him?"

No. I din't worry about those things...or at least never attributed it to nursing or cosleeping!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NatureMamaOR*
The biggest difference I see between my/our nursing relationship and others around is there's no conflict of interest. I'm not struggling to (get enough sleep, get him to sleep on his own, get hiim to eat more solids, etc) and stressing about those "problems". We're just going with the flow and it's SO easy!

But what if you were struggling, not to change your child but to get through a day? I'm not trying to get my son to sleep on his own, I'm trying to keep him from hurting his sister or waking her up. I'm trying to keep my nipples from falling off (and boy do I ever feel like they're going to!) and from losing my mind. It's definately a source of tension a lot of the time. What would you do then?


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## NatureMama3 (Feb 25, 2004)

Quote:

What would you do then?
Honestly say I don't know! Haven't tandem'd, which I assume is the big stressor?

That's definitely one of my concerns about tandem nursing (Noah being unable to understand the concept of sharing them).

Do you have someone who can help you during the day so that you are able to recharge your emotional batteries somewhat? I find that all types of emotionally draining parenting things (not just nursing) become bigger and more stressful if I'm not able to recharge my own emotional batteries during the day. When I'm having a particularly hard day, my DH will take the kids (even the nursling) out for a car ride and let me nap for an hour. It's not a lot but it's JUST what I need to be able to Mama again. My kids feed off my own emotional stress so if I'm not doing well, neither are they and the cycle feeds off itself.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

eilowny

I think tandem nursing, especially when you have a young toddler and an infant is really hard. You don't even see your results right away. You just keep hearing, "more. more".

Your little guy is still adjusting to sharing you...I saw a dufference in my 2 as my ds got a little bigger and could intereact with dd more. They began playing simple games and her attention turned to him. not just me all the time. I always told her, she would be his favorite person and it is so true!

You know, sometimes when ds was an infant, I took him out to the bookstore with a friend just to relax. Dh would put ds in the sling and dd and I would go for a walk or to the library...just the two of us.

I know it's hard, but your efforts are so worth it


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## fraya (Apr 13, 2002)

kavamamakava:

I haven't read Mothering your Nursing Toddler. A friend (who suddenly weaned her 2 y.o. daughter one day) loaned me the book but I haven't had the urge to read it. I realize that there is a philosophy regarding child-led weaning that truly child-led means that the child nurses on-demand through his/her entire nursing relationship.

I consider myself to be committed to child-led weaning, but I have placed limits on my son's nursing, starting maybe when he was 2 y.o. or so ... if he asked to nurse because he was bored or something like that while I was eating, I asked him to wait until after I was done eating (and then always followed-through) and offered to have him sit on my lap instead, etc. I didn't delay nursing often, but I did do it sometimes. Until the last 6 months or so, he nursed A LOT. I didn't nightwean him, but I think that on some thread somewhere here, somebody who nursed her daughter until her daughter was 6 or 7 nightweaned her earlier ... and I'd probably still consider that child-led weaning.

I guess to me, weaning begins when we introduce solid foods. Does that mean that anybody who introduces solid foods isn't CLW? I view child-led weaning as being a choice where the child decides when to terminate his/her nursing relationship entirely (and not necessarily determining each of the components of the relationship). To me, to say that placing limits on the child's nursing is not child-led weaning is inconsistent with, say, having another child. The baby needs to nurse, so is nursing the baby (first, let's say--so the older child waits until after the newborn has finished nursing ... and I know tandem is possible, but sometimes, nursing a newborn is tough and the newborn nursling's nursing issues might make it impossible to simply latch two on at the same time) imposing a limit on the older child's nursing relationship? Then anybody who has another child before the older one weans (and delays the older child's nursing, even once, in order to nurse the newborn) is not child-led weaning. To me, that isn't reconcilable.

Also, a mother's needs, in my mind, must be considered (along with all other relevant needs -- the child's, spouse's, siblings', society's ...). If I hadn't put some limits on my son's nursing, I would've been so drained that I'd've probably considered more drastic steps regarding weaning. I believe very strongly in considering my son's needs foremost. I am still co-sleeping with him, nursing him while pregnant, etc. (he's 3.5 y.o.). Generally, my approach is to take care of his needs so that he feels capable of helping me take care of my own (and, the best case scenario is when we can take care of both of our needs simultaneously, by engaging in an activity together that meets both of our needs ... and sometimes, nursing IS that activity). But I would not be doing him any favors if I gave-up my needs all of the time for him (or anyone else), because I'd be cranky, resentful, depressed. I am fortunate that I don't have too many true needs, so fulfilling them is usually within reach. Other mothers have even fewer or different needs that makes it even easier for them to meet their needs and their children's needs simultaneously.

This got a bit off-topic. I'd just hate for you to be feeling like you didn't give your child what you wanted to give him, simply because you got pregnant or occasionally asked him to wait for you to fulfill a need of yours before you fulfilled a need (or desire) of his.


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## Angierae (Aug 17, 2004)

Quote:

I don't think I can handle much more of it. He just doesn't understand that when he wakes his sister up, it will take me much longer to get to him than it would if he was just quiet for a few minutes. I'm totally losing it!
Oh man, do I know where you are coming from! I feel like all day long I'm telling DD1 to be quiet--I swore I'd never do that, but DD2 is such a light sleeper and it takes so long to get her to sleep. Somedays DD1 just starts yelling as soon as she hears me whisper.

On the good side I have figured a way to get DD1 asleep in the sling and then pop out a boob to the side to let DD1 nurse.

However...

Quote:

But what if you were struggling, not to change your child but to get through a day? I'm not trying to get my son to sleep on his own, I'm trying to keep him from hurting his sister or waking her up. I'm trying to keep my nipples from falling off (and boy do I ever feel like they're going to!) and from losing my mind. It's definately a source of tension a lot of the time.
I feel like this at some point EVERY day. It is slowly getting better--I think it takes along time to adjust, for everyone. I have accepted that I am not going to wean DD1, even though I think about it and wonder if she will just stop. Wishful thinking, I know. But the acceptance is helping me stop driving myself nuts.

When both girls are asleep and my nipples are finally getting a break, I watch them sleep and tell myself, "healthy and happy, healthy and happy." Thats all I ever wanted to accomplish as a mother, and I know I am doing that. Validation? Vindication? I don't know, but somehow it helps.


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## Angierae (Aug 17, 2004)

Is there a thread specifically for Tandem nursing moms?


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Rynna









It sounds like you're in a rough spot right now. Try to just breath deep and know it will eventually pass, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.









I do find it helpful to keep the baby in the sling as constantly as you can. This way you're giving the baby your attention but to your toddler's eyes you're not as focused on the baby. It's kind of like being pregnant from the outside. It's easier for the toddler to accept and you can tend to them more easily this way. Also, like a PP said, you can nurse out of one side while the baby's in the sling (the breast under the rings) and Eli can just stand to nurse or sit up beside you. Also, can you nurse lying on your back (with them each cradled in one arm)? Another good one is nursing the baby while side lying and letting Eli straddle your hip and nurse off the other side. I know you want to get up, I'm just thinking if you need to relax these are good ways to do that while nursing.

Also, he'll want to nurse less while you're out and if you can keep from sitting down while you're home. If you can nurse the baby in the sling (especially with an open tail sling you can cover her) he won't know she's nursing so at that moment he won't need to, kwim? Are you able to get out and go to the park, library storytime, playdates, etc.? I would try to keep him really occupied if you can but still try to nurse him when he asks. If he senses you're not wanting to nurse him he's going to want it all the more. Also, if he does need to wait (you're going to the bathroom, you're in the middle of something etc.) just let him know he can have booba as soon as you're done doing X. Then as soon as you're done follow up and nurse him and tell him thank you for waiting, you know it was hard for him. I know, that is so hard to hear them scream. I think this is just one of those places a lot of mothers find themselves adjusting to two children and the siblings adjusting to eachother - whether you're nursing them both or not.

I hope this improves soon.









* I wanted to add a couple of things. Have you read "Adventures in Tandem Nursing?" Also, here are some things that many mothers have found helpful when an older sibling is having a hard time adjusting to the new baby:

- try to involve him in "helping" with the baby (have him bring you a diaper, a toy for the baby, let him lift up her side of the shirt to nurse, if she cries let him gentle "pet" her head to help her feel better, etc.)
- try to comment on what a helpful, kind, special big brother he is. Point out when the baby likes something he's doing. Try to "talk" to the baby about how lucky she is to have such a wonderful big brother (so he can hear you).
- Try to have dh or someone else hold the baby while you can read a story to Eli or do something else that he likes to do with you.

HTH
















Hi Mom4tot!


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

I'm still here!

My issue of the moment: preschool. I'm certain that no other child is a breastfeeding child at this school. I feel like I have to hide our nursing relationship. I worry that we would be admonished for trying to nurse at school - or that they would say something like it is detrimental to DS' growing independence, or say something that would make DS feel in secure about it.


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

Hi.

I lurk more than I post (see my join date and post count).

And I'm not completely sure that I belong in a child-led weaning thread -- I *will* continue to nurse as long as my daughter wants, but have recently (she's 2 years 7 months) started limiting nursing in public and offering distractions at home when I'm just totally touched out.

But I wanted to introduce myself anyhow.


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

nak








T chickabiddy, my ds was due on your dd's bday! (but born 2 wks later)


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## padomi (Dec 28, 2002)

Hi all, dd is 27 months now and still nursing like she's 2 months! I still love it - the only draw back is I'd like to get pg and I seem to be having a hard time with that - wacky cycles - I'm assuming due to nursing b/c my cycles were like clockwork before and I got pg in 2 months w/ dd. Other than that I love nursing her and I love that she loves nursing: "I love your boobies, mommy."

Our first negative comment came this weekend - it was the first time someone ever said anything negative about it, and I cried my eyes out. I guess it happens to everyone eventually.

Nursing her really came in handy this week b/c she had a stomach virus - she's now on day 8 of vomiting and diarrhea. Won't eat or drink anything - not even water - except she's nursing constantly. The doctor said she was lucky to be nursing still b/c otherwise she'd likely be dehydrated by now. Nursing also helps when she doesn't feel good - a comfort to her.

Anyway, that's us. The rate we're going, I'll probably still be nursing her when she's 5...she shows no signs of slowing down!


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

Hi All,

Finally feel ready to join this thread. DD is turning 3 in a week and somehow I finally feel as though we might be doing EBF. It just has never felt "extended" per se. I still can't imagine weaning, though she has been very slowly cutting back on her nursing the past year. We're doing CLW and it just feels so right and respectful for our relationship. So glad to see this thread!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I just wanted to pop in real quick and say how glad I am to see this thread going strong.









And







to those Mamas who are having a hard time right now. Tandem or not, we all have our hard times. Those hard times do end....and then we look back and say "I miss those times". Try to see the goodness in it and live the moment. It's so wonderful to be smothered by our children's love. Our time with them is so short.

I think whatever our definition of CLW, it seems to me that we all belong here. Everyone can benefit from one another's support and experiences. It's nice to see so much tolerance.









I'm a has-been :LOL. Dd has been weaned for a few months now, but I love coming here to offer support and share my experience. Breastfeeding was such an incredibly special part of our lives.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

It is great to "see" you here, Mother Sunshine


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mother_sunshine*
I'm a has-been

:LOL Don't go anywhere! We need your experience. You've been through the entire process. You have a lot to offer us. It's so wonderful to have you here. Thanks for sticking around.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Good to see you too Joan.









Thanks MamaAllNatural.









I try to be the person that I wish I had when I was going through the process. Plus I like the friendship and feel-good atmosphere here.









I think you guys will have to kick me out before I go anywhere.







:LOL


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## mama_at_home (Apr 27, 2004)

Hi there! It is really late here but I just wanted to jump in to say hello really quickly. I find it funny that on all the other boards I visit, I am the odd ball for nursing a 16 month old, but here I feel like I am just a beginner! :LOL Looking forward to chatting and learning more. I frequently lurk on mothering, but it is so big and overwhelming that I rarely post. When I get some time, I will make a cute siggie like all of you.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy*







I intend to let my son wean himself, though I'm having doubts at the moment. Last night I had BooBah in the sling, and when I asked him to wait for Mike to finish doing laundry so he could hold her, you'd have thought the world ended. He screamed, threw himself on the ground, crying "I want nursies! Mamma, nurse your baby boy! Nurse a little boy! Maaaammmaaaa!!! NUUUUURRRRSSSIIIIIIIIIIIEEE!!" and on and on like that for a good half an hour, until Mike finished the laundry and came in to hold him while I put the baby back to sleep.







It was absolutely awful. I don't think I can handle much more of it. He just doesn't understand that when he wakes his sister up, it will take me much longer to get to him than it would if he was just quiet for a few minutes. I'm totally losing it!







:

He's back to getting most of his nutrition from me; his sister is, of course, recieving all of her nutrition from me. I'm physically exhausted, taking a vitamin doesn't seem to help, and if I didn't NAK I'd spend a grand total of 15 minutes a day online. Doing all this nursing, you'd think I'd at least be losing weight, but no, I appear to have gained five pounds since my daughter's birth. UGH. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself, and that doesn't help the nursing (or anything else).

I feel horribly guilty when I think about weaning my BeanBean, but I do think about it, and often. I don't think I should-- after all, when he's nursing he's quiet, he's my sweet little baby again... but when he's not nursing, sometimes he's just too much for me. He'd rather have me stay in bed all day just waiting for him to nurse than anything else, and I can't live like that. I don't get out enough as it is! I feel like my entire life revolves around when he needs to nurse. It's just really getting to be too much for me. Sometimes I just wish he'd leave me alone.







:









I vaguely recall the first year of tandem nursing. It was rough. But you must be so happy when your son is content and quiet for a moment even if it's because his mouth is full of boob. Hehe. If he wasn't still a nursling, he still wouldn't understand that you couldn't drop what you were doing to get him what he needed. It's just one of those things that they do. heh. He'll eventually get it. Don't feel bad. And please eat more. It must be hard to find the time to eat with taking care of the baby and all that nursing babies you're doing. I found that keeping a stash of Luna bars handy was extremely helpful. Your metabolism is quick to go into preservation mode in the interest of producing breastmilk so eating is SO very important at this stage. Hang in there. It will get better. And there are going to be those days when your nurslings hold hands while they nurse on your lap and you'll want to cry with joy at the sweetness of your happy family.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fraya*
kavamamakava:

I haven't read Mothering your Nursing Toddler. A friend (who suddenly weaned her 2 y.o. daughter one day) loaned me the book but I haven't had the urge to read it. ...

I guess to me, weaning begins when we introduce solid foods. Does that mean that anybody who introduces solid foods isn't CLW? I view child-led weaning as being a choice where the child decides when to terminate his/her nursing relationship entirely (and not necessarily determining each of the components of the relationship). To me, to say that placing limits on the child's nursing is not child-led weaning is inconsistent with, say, having another child. The baby needs to nurse, so is nursing the baby (first, let's say--so the older child waits until after the newborn has finished nursing ... and I know tandem is possible, but sometimes, nursing a newborn is tough and the newborn nursling's nursing issues might make it impossible to simply latch two on at the same time) imposing a limit on the older child's nursing relationship? Then anybody who has another child before the older one weans (and delays the older child's nursing, even once, in order to nurse the newborn) is not child-led weaning. To me, that isn't reconcilable.

...

This got a bit off-topic. I'd just hate for you to be feeling like you didn't give your child what you wanted to give him, simply because you got pregnant or occasionally asked him to wait for you to fulfill a need of yours before you fulfilled a need (or desire) of his.

Thank you for this post







I feel comfortable and at peace with our nursing relationship, I was just exploring the term as I'm not intimate with the pure definition of CLW. I, too, feel it's important for me to make my own personal space and needs clear within the nursing relationship. I just wasn't sure if that fit into the CLW definition. hehe.

I really enjoyed reading Mothering Your Nursing Toddler. I sort of chuckled, though, when I read things like offering snacks and drinks rather than a nursing session or "don't offer, don't refuse" or asking the nursling to wait until you were finished a task were all weaning tactics. Not for my nursling. He just nursed extra later on if he needed it when he skipped a nursing session. I never night weaned because, well, I dunno, maybe I'm too lazy or too tired at night to be resolute about dealing with a child who wants to nurse? My daughter amazed me the other night when she woke up for the 3rd time to nurse (she's been night nursing after months of not doing so because of being sick) and I was so tired that I asked her if she could wait until morning and she said OK! I almost woke up all the way. I couldn't believe how easy it was. That she would respect my need to sleep if I asked. That's a really neat part of extended breastfeeding.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AdrianneWe*









I'm still here!

My issue of the moment: preschool. I'm certain that no other child is a breastfeeding child at this school. I feel like I have to hide our nursing relationship. I worry that we would be admonished for trying to nurse at school - or that they would say something like it is detrimental to DS' growing independence, or say something that would make DS feel in secure about it.

I'm such a brat. I'm the one who makes a point to nurse in those types of situations. You should have seen me tandem nursing in the ball pit at the Family Fun Center. LOL.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

:LOL

Me too!

DP and I even made a bet as to when Dylan would wean. He said 2.5, but has bumped it up to 3.5 recently! I said 5,so we will just have to wait and see!

I limit her nursing when I am touched out, and I *tried* to nightwean her, but it didn't work, so I am back where I started, and loving it!


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

We did child-led weaning and will definitely do it again.

Kailey weaned about 4 weeks ago, at age 41 months. Much longer than I would have dreamed, and although I love our new huggley relationship, I do miss nursing.

Congrats to all who are still on their nursing journey!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EvergreenDP*
and I even made a bet as to when Dylan would wean. He said 2.5, but has bumped it up to 3.5 recently! I said 5,so we will just have to wait and see!

My bet for BeanBean was 4.5. Mike says he'll be at least 6. I told him that I put my foot down at puberty; I will not nurse a pubescent child.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

I'm here but it's a crazy week and ds wants to be attached to my boob 24/7. <deep breaths>


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kavamamakava*
I'm such a brat. I'm the one who makes a point to nurse in those types of situations. You should have seen me tandem nursing in the ball pit at the Family Fun Center. LOL.


Yeah, but... I have to "live" with the kids/parents/teachers until next June. I worry about us being ostracized somehow...


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Adrianne, I think you are right to be concerned about that. I am sorry I didn't respond to your preschool thread. By the time I saw it, you were doing better and I didn't have as much to share. We did a traditional Montessori preschool for a year when dd was 4. We eventually decided it wasn't for us and now we homeschool. I could relate to many of the feelings you expressed









One of my closest friends and co LLL leader was going also. We often joked about what the teachers would think if they knew the girls were "still" nursing.

I feel for you. I know you don't like having to compromise your beliefs to fit into this "system", but you are accurate in your assessment that there may be reprucussions shuld you nurse. I do feel however, if your little guy really needed to nurse, you should. Then deal with it later. Ellie and I nursed before school and after. Now, my perspective is different, but I am just trying to say that I understand your feelings.


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

Thanks, Joan! Your post made me feel much better!


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## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm in this camp, too. I don't post a whole lot these days, but I am reading, and have been reading, this thread in both its incarnations.
Our nursling just turned 3 on Saturday and nurses quite a lot these days. She sometimes asks to nurse and before I can even respond, has left the room and is on to some other activity. I guess she's














.
She still nurses at night, too. I had a friend tell me that her 7-month-old still wanted to nurse at night and I laughed at her. It had been a trial around the 2-year mark, but whatever was causing me to get riled up has passed. Maybe it's because my meds have been upped.







Anyway, she is finally sleeping longer stretches at night and I am so grateful! I find it really gratifying to still be nursing her at 3. She is so enthusiastic about it, I can't imagine an abrupt or unilateral weaning. With all the changes she has endured this year, I am glad we still have nursing as a constant. I can't say I wouldn't be a little happy if she weaned next year, but I think her daddy's deployment will delay that day for a while yet.
I'm thinking she'll be one of those who weans between 5 and 6. I don't even want to envision my IL's reactions to that scenario!


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## Mama2Girls+1 (May 1, 2004)

Yay! A thread I can join!

I am nursing my 13 month old. And I know she wont be letting up for a long time. Which I love!! Im suprised I have made it this far. My 1st dd only nursed 3 months, I just couldnt do it. But I was determined to nurse my 2nd as long as I can. I was only going to a year but loved it so much.

Sydney does great, she nurses 7-8 times during the day and 2-3 times a night. I was tandem nursing for a few weeks but my 3rd dd got sick and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. She likes her preemie nipple more and wont nurse anymore. Which Im fine with, we still try but she shows no intrest. At least Im still getting the joy of nursing my 13 month old!


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

Quote:

kavamamakava: I sort of chuckled, though, when I read things like offering snacks and drinks rather than a nursing session or "don't offer, don't refuse" or asking the nursling to wait until you were finished a task were all weaning tactics.
There are (rare) times when I just don't want to nurse and will offer a juicebox instead -- but I'm not trying to not nurse ever again, I'm just trying to not nurse that very moment (wow, that's a poorly constructed sentence). And "don't offer, don't refuse" is a joke around here: I don't think I've *offered* to nurse for a long time but that certainly hasn't stopped my daughter from asking!


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AdrianneWe*
Yeah, but... I have to "live" with the kids/parents/teachers until next June. I worry about us being ostracized somehow...

Sorry


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## steph (Dec 5, 2001)

I just wanted to pipe up and join the group too. I'm still nursing dd at 40 mos. I've been really struggling with night nursing, as she nurses between 3-8 times a night - and I wake up every time. And to make it more challenging for the two weeks between ovulation and AF, my boobs hurt alot when she nurses. At times I want to night wean, and then other times I just just can't handle the thought of having to endure her being miserable for a week or whatever it would take.

Interestingly, this month has been particularly challenging, and I actually bought her a pacifier at the suggestion of a friend (and the pleading of dd, who has been facinated by them when she's seen them with other kids). I almost immediately regretted it as I was afraid it would lead to yet another thing to wean from instead of just me. When I suggested we forgo the paci, dd threw a fit, and so we came to an agreement that she can use it first thing in the morning, until breakfast, then at night after dinner, before bed. While she hates to part with them, she kisses them goodby. Interstingly, she really doesn't nurse much in the morning anymore since the paci., when before she was a ravenous nurser after waking up. And, she's not nursing as much when we sleep - maybe 3-4 times. And, this may be coinsidental or not, she's started saying she can take a nap by herself on the bed, without having to nurse down now, and she does.

So, who knows where this will lead? I've enjoyed our nursing realtionship - except for the sore boobs and lack of sleep. I honestly can't see it extending beyond 4 y.o., but then again, I've been known to stretch my limits beyond what I thought possible before....

Congrats to all you mamas who are nursing your "older" babes!!!


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)




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## Angierae (Aug 17, 2004)

Last night was so challenging for me! BabyD is teething and nursed all evening until she finally let me pop her off at OlderD's bedtime. OlderD always nurses to sleep, but since she turned 3 it hasn't worked as well. She now needs to mentally make the decision to allow sleep to happen. For some mysterious reason she couldn't do that last night and she nursed off and on for 3 hours before finally caving. She would go 45 min and look about to fall alseep so I'd keep going. Then she'd fly off, open her eyes, and yell "playtime," waking up BabyD in the process who then needed to be nursed back. BY midnight I was just repeating "no, no, no" every time OlderD aksed to nurse. Thankfully DH stepped in and walked OlderD around singing to her, which relaxed both she and I and when they came back to bed she nursed for 2 min and fell asleep. Sweet DH even worked from home today to help me through my frazzled state. Now we are heading up to bed again and I am trying to stay optimistic. She hasn't nursed all day, so maybe last night was a fluke. It seems like things go smoothly for a month or so and then we have a crazy few days where I question everything, then it falls back into place like nothing ever happened.

To keep me feeling good about myself, here is a story...Today I was walking with both girls and stopped to talk to a woman with a baby the same age. She was smoking and had her 4mo asleep in the stroller with a bottle of formula propped up. OlderD pointed to the bottle and said, "I like those funny things! They have silly lids!" as she pointed at the silicon nipple. She thought it was a sippy cup. Just thought that was cute and it cheered me up.

Thanks for listening ladies!


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## NatureMama3 (Feb 25, 2004)

s to all those having stressful times!

What has everone's experience been with family members?

We've had mixed reactions in our family, but overall they've not harassed us at all. Mostly just ignorance (what is baby getting out of it? will they EVER wean?). My Mom (who nursed my sister and I, but for less than 18 months) actually told me she was proud of me recently.







(I know I shouldn't look for validation from others, but it DID feel good)


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NatureMamaOR*







s to all those having stressful times!

What has everone's experience been with family members?

We've had mixed reactions in our family, but overall they've not harassed us at all. Mostly just ignorance (what is baby getting out of it? will they EVER wean?). My Mom (who nursed my sister and I, but for less than 18 months) actually told me she was proud of me recently.







(I know I shouldn't look for validation from others, but it DID feel good)

Everyone just assumes my kiddos are still nursing in my family. I think MIL might have made a comment to her son about our oldest still nursing but I'm not sure. I don't really care what her opinion on breastfeeding is. heh.


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## LittleLegos (May 10, 2004)

Hi everyone!

Great thread. I'm nursing a big boy (4.5yrs), who actually looks even older than he is! Last week on the playground he really, really needed to nurse. I did tell him it wasn't a great time, but he kept asking, so we did. The families there we'll see until June too... I wonder if any other kids there are still nursing. I'm really glad I listened to him because later that night he threw up, just once. I think he was fighting something and hooray again for nursing!









We are tandem nursing too and have good and bad days with that. One amazing thing happened recently. Ds was sick with intense stomach pain and didn't eat and barely drank for days. He was interested in nursing, but not too much. I had been checking in with his dr the whole time, but finally we took him in. Anyway, I finally was encouraging him to nurse whenever he wanted to help him get better and a whole day he nursed on one side and dd on the other. I was concerned about dd getting enough, but do have a lot of trust in the whole supply and demand thing. My body adjusted just fine and everyone was happy. Our amazing bodies.









Look forward to getting to know everyone!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NatureMamaOR*
What has everone's experience been with family members?

I didn't really talk about it with anyone in the family except my Mom. I recently told her that dd weaned and she was happy (and surprised) for us. She was mostly happy because I shared it with her. Natural parenting is so foreign to her, I think she appreciates learning about it. She didn't think dd would wean on her own. We're proof that it does happen! The subject of tandem nursing came up and she was shocked that mothers can nurse two at a time (I think she almost fainted at the thought of triandem nursing:LOL).

We live pretty far from everyone so when we have visited family it was just something we did without worrying about what others thought. Plus I have always been the "black sheep" in my family so I don't think anyone was ever surprised.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NatureMamaOR*
What has everone's experience been with family members?

My mother thinks that a four year old who nurses is manipulating their mother. When I pointed out that three of her five children and one of her two grandchildren over the age of three have been intense, long-term thumbsuckers, she stopped talking. I've told her that I will nurse my children until they stop, and that they all stop eventually. If they haven't stopped by the time they're ten years old, I may well rethink my position, but we'll cross that bridge when we (don't) come to it. BeanBean is not currently a thumbsucker or a pacifier addict, and I'm very confident that the only reason for that is nursing. BooBah may well be a thumbsucker despite the nursing; she needs to be sucking *constantly*, more than my poor, sore little nipples can provide for her. She'll suck on anything at all, and can most often be found with several fingers or a thumb in her mouth.

I told my MIL that they all stop eventually. For now, she's very impressed with the way that nursing immediately calms BeanBean when he's feeling sick, tired, or troubled. Any injury can be instantly healed by a few minutes at the breast, any slight to his dignity quickly forgotten with a few drops of mamma milk. She sees it, I believe, the same way I do: as an invaluable tool to gentle parenting. I'm not sure how that will change as he gets older, but I'm not terribly concerned about it.

My husband had never really thought about breastfeeding one way or the other until I told him that I was going to be nursing for a minimum of two years. Now when we talk about nursing, he says he thinks BeanBean will nurse until he's six years old. He refuses to think about concieving a third child until we're both confident that BooBah is physically able to handle enough solid food to get her by, even though he'd originally hoped to be finished having children before he's 40 and that will alter our timetable. So we're all good.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

My family is all supportive. They were a bit... um, I dunno maybe surprised when my dd was still nursing after 1yo but mostly only because you rarely see anyone NIP around here, even newsborns or small infants.







I explained the benefits etc and said she'll nurse til she weans. She ended up weaning prematurely at almost 21mo due to my 2nd pregnancy and short separations because I was working p/t. Their main concern was that she would continue to be so attached to me that she wouldn't want anyone else. Well, let's just say that's not a concern. She is very loving and responsive to all our family and we get tons of compliments on how happy and well adjusted our kids are.







I've turned my mom, MIL, dh, and grandmas into lactivists!









So needless to say, nobody even blinks at ds nursing at "only" 17mo.


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## Cranberry (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AdrianneWe*
My issue of the moment: preschool. I'm certain that no other child is a breastfeeding child at this school. I feel like I have to hide our nursing relationship. I worry that we would be admonished for trying to nurse at school - or that they would say something like it is detrimental to DS' growing independence, or say something that would make DS feel in secure about it.

I know how you feel! My son is 5 and in kindergarten and still nursing, although he hasn't nursed at ALL in the past 2 days, which is amazing and unbelievable for him! He even goes to sleep without nursing now. I just waited until he was ready to stop... and I thought he would NEVER stop!!

My mom is supportive, but I don't discuss it with my MIL. She probably thinks it's weird or maybe she thinks he's already weaned because we don't really do it in front of her anymore.

One of the great things about nursing a child to this age is that I know he will have wonderful memories of breastfeeding. Also, it's so great to know that the benefits from bf will last for the rest of his life.


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NatureMamaOR*
What has everone's experience been with family members?


I've never had a problem with my mother-in-law. She (until a year or two ago!) was a La Leche League Leader!!! It was actually my dh who brought up nursing when I was pg with Alex and I decided to "give it a try"! My MIL sent us a copy of "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" as soon as she found out I was pg!









My family is a bit different. My mother didn't breastfeed us at all. The oldest nursling they had ever seen (or that I had ever seen) was a 3 month old. They kind of grew into the breastfeeding beyond 3-6 months concept, as I did! I got pg again when Alex was 9 months old, and by that time I had realized that CLW was right for my family ... so we had a few discussions with my family about nursing through pregnancy and beyond/ toddler nursing, etc. before Alex even turned one. My family is used to me doing the "different" or "odd" thing, so they just went with it! :LOL

My grandmother has been an unexpected source of support, telling me stories of a friend of hers who seemed to "throw her boob over her shoulder so that her kids would follow". This same friend nursed someone else's baby (whom she babysat daily) in addition to one or two of her own.

Now if my parents were only open to the concept of me having another child...


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## padomi (Dec 28, 2002)

What a great thread. This is really helpful. We recently moved back to my home state, and while it's beautiful (SC), it's not the most progressive state. So I haven't felt as comfortable NIP here as other places I've lived. And in fact, this was the only place I've had negative feed back (might I add that the negative feedback came from other mothers, which really makes me







Anyway, it's nice to know you're out there, and I have a place to come when I feel like the only mother in the world bf'ing a 2 year old. (I may in fact be the only mother in SC doing so!) :LOL


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cranberry*
One of the great things about nursing a child to this age is that I know he will have wonderful memories of breastfeeding. Also, it's so great to know that the benefits from bf will last for the rest of his life.









"Here Here" to that!

I've heard of people saying "Aren't you worried that she'll/he'll remember?".

We WANT them to remember!


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

I'm worried that they WON'T remember!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2threenurslings*








I'm worried that they WON'T remember!

Me too! People always look at me crosseyed when I say that, but I've never met anyone who remembered nursing and I think it'd be nice. It must have a huge impact on the parent-child dynamic, you know?


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy*
Me too! People always look at me crosseyed when I say that, but I've never met anyone who remembered nursing and I think it'd be nice. It must have a huge impact on the parent-child dynamic, you know?

I remember nursing. I don't remember nursing often, it was just something I did every once in a while since my baby sister was also nursing. I think I probably stopped around 3 1/2 or maybe 4.


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

I never nursed. But I do remember sucking my thumb and dragging around my blankie









I hope ds remembers when he is older!


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## Cranberry (Mar 18, 2002)

I posted the other day about how my 5yo ds hadn't nursed in 2 days, and now it seems he just wants to nurse once every 2-3 days and that's his new pattern! I'm a little sad but mostly I'm happy that he's weaning at his own pace...









He's my only so when he's weaned, I'm done with breastfeeding. That does make me sad.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

I know what you mean Cranberry. I always think I'll be so sad when my nursing career is over. I actually asked my Aunt, who has six kids, if she was sad when the last one was weaned. She said no. I was like







"Really?" She said "well I was nursing for fifteen years straight (most of that time she was either tandem or triandum nursing too) and it was enough." So, she didn't walk away sad. She had nursed enough to last her a lifetime I guess. :LOL

It's so funny, I've never experienced infrequent nursing. My first quit cold turkey (which I think had something to do with how much food I was giving him) and my 3 1/2 yo dd is quite addicted to the boob. She nurses once at night and a few times during the day. I see her nursing for at least a couple more years. It will be interesting to me to see the process happen more naturally and gradually this time. I think it'll be healing from the way ds weaned too whiich was sudden, unexpected and left me depressed and engorged.









*Rynna,*

Are things going any better for you guys lately?


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaAllNatural*
*Rynna,*

Are things going any better for you guys lately?

A little bit, thanks for asking. BeanBean now understands that I have to put his sister down or hand her to someone else a lot of the time before I can nurse him, or that he has to get into a not-so-comfotable position. He still doesn't understand that being quiet will get him where he wants to be more quickly, but he's learning.







I think he was asking to nurse so frequently because he was going through a growth spurt-- not that he's gotten any bigger, but he did gain a whole bunch of new words and his diction is much better than it was before.

BooBah vomits constantly, and everytime she does I'm impressed once again with breastmilk. ChibiChibi had reflux as a baby, but she was on nutramigen-- not only does that stuff stain, it reeks to high heaven!







: Breastmilk puke doesn't stain; if it did, none of us would own an item of unstained clothing.







:LOL


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## CharlieBrown (Jan 20, 2004)

Hi-

I'm new here. My ds is only 14.5 months and I nurse on cue/demand
24/7. Hopefully I will learn from everyone, thus will mostly lurk.







:


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## manda99 (Oct 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy*
Me too! People always look at me crosseyed when I say that, but I've never met anyone who remembered nursing and I think it'd be nice. It must have a huge impact on the parent-child dynamic, you know?

My DH remembers being nursed. He remembers - in quite a bit of detail - a specific nursing session where he bit his Mom and got in trouble. He was nursed until 3 1/2, I think.

Manda


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

Hello everyone!







I am here still :0 I am nursing my 4 y.o. twin girls. No sighn of weaning. In fact, lately Jordyn has been wantin got nuse alot the last few days. I hope she is not getting ill. But gosh I love that I am still able to do this! Lately my dh and I have in in complete awe at how fast our little girls have grown up , it feels sooo good to have my babies still curled in my lap from time to time. To hold them both in my arms at night nursing and all tucked into bed for a good nights sleep.


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## Jazmommie (Nov 19, 2001)

Just saying hello-my 3rd child is now 5.8 years & still nursing at bedtime only-actually fell asleep last night without it!
That is a rare thing!
My older boys weaned on their own -but before this age-so I am letting her guide me a bit.

i loved the article on the 5 year old who hulahooped & breastfed still!


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## NatureMama3 (Feb 25, 2004)

Charmarty and Jazmommie... I'm so jealous! I SO wish I could have b/f the twins.







There are times now when I could just cry because nursing them would be SO much easier than the other (far less effective) methods of calming them.


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Yesterday afternoon I found myself wishing my almost-6 year old was still nursing...he fell off a kitchen stool and broke his arm. Every instinct in my body told me to scoop him up and nurse him, but he's weaned!







I literally thought, "Well what do I do now?" He's doing ok after 4 hours in the ER and having to be sedated so they could set his arm. The breaks are on the "corner" of the bone and involving the growth plate, so this will be a long recovery and years of checking to see if the bone grows properly. My poor little man!

At least we're able to re-use the jacket with the left arm cut off from when his brother broke his arm! :LOL


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry









He will heal quickly, thanks to his years of nursing


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Oh, how sad Amanda!







to Alexander

Ds slept through the whole night last night! First time in 18mo... the only problem is I was sleeping on the couch because dh was snoring so now my back hurts.









On second though, maybe ds slept through the night because I wasn't with him?


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

, Amanda.

I kind of feel that way about my niece sometimes. She's seven and a half, but I think that if she could nurse she would. Instead, she'll watch BeanBean nurse and say "What does leh taste like?" :LOL Her sister is four years old, and not at all roundabout: she frequently asks me to nurse. When I tell her to ask her mother she says, "NO! I want to take a nurse with BeanBean!"







:LOL I'm not sure how comfortable I'd feel nursing a 55 pound four year old who isn't even mine, though. I'm sure that my sister would have issues with it. :LOL


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Oh my goodness Amanda! Your poor little guy! I hope he feels better soon.









Rynna, that's so sweet! How does their mother feel about them wanting to nurse and loving that you're doing it (not to mention wanting to nurse off of you!







)? Speaking of nursing other people's kids...

When I was out of state visiting family my sister nursed my baby. He was being especially clingy and I was thinking, "If only there was someone else to nurse him I could actually get something done." At the exact same moment my sister walks up holding her breasts and saying, "Oh man, all my milk is coming down and she (her newborn) *just* fell asleep!" So I handed my little guy off to her just to see. It was so funny. He didn't hesitate. He saw the boob, he went for it! :LOL He was lovin' that newborn milk! My sister actually offered to nurse my 3 1/2 yo when I was in the middle of cooking a huge meal and dd really, reallly wanted to nurse (they were a little more needy while away from home). DD thought about it but it was really just too much about me for her. I think she would've tried actually if she wasn't wanting to nurse - more of an experimental thing, yk? So my sister tried to tend to what I was cooking while dd nursed.


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

Amanda and Alexander. How long ago did he wean?

NatureMamaOR~









I was just having this conversation with a friend yesterday. I honestly don't know how I would calm my girls down if I couldn't rely on the boob. I mean nursing has gotten us through SO many things. I used to feel bad for ppl in my play group who would constantly tell horror stories about how thier kids won't nap anymore because they couldn't keep them in thier beds! So, they would have to take drastic measures like licking the door, unscrewing the light bulb ect... just to try and keep them in thier rooms! Well, not us, My girls are 4 (TODAY!!!!!) and the only thing I have to do is say, Ok let's go snuggle and have the boob. No kidding, they are right there man!









As far as your little one sleeping through the night busybusymomma, I think you hit the nail right on the head with that one. I just recently night weaned my girls about 4 months ago. I found they were waking each every hour just to nurse. Because they would turn over, feel me and then automaticallly want the boob. Well between the two of them, I was waking up far too much at night. I also found that becuase they were nursing, it would actually take them longer to fall back asleep. As soon as they became night weaned (I needed to teach them how to fall asleep without the boob) if they wake now, I just hold them closer, and they Immediately fall asleep, and have far less wake times at night. But keep in mind my girls are 4 now.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Amanda

There are plenty of times when I wish I could still nurse dd for comfort. The other day when I was changing she decided she wanted to try again because she missed it so much. I let her, and after 1 second she popped off and contently said "no milk".


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaAllNatural*
Rynna, that's so sweet! How does their mother feel about them wanting to nurse and loving that you're doing it (not to mention wanting to nurse off of you!







)?

Oh, she thinks it's nuts. :LOL She totally understands why they don't ask her to nurse (aside from the fact that's she's got no milk); she's not what you'd call "parental." :LOL I don't know what she'd think if I actually nursed them, probably that I was nuts. I have offered them milk in a cup, though; Chibi wouldn't drink it because it was warm. Then again, BeanBean won't drink my milk from a cup, either.







BeastieBeast will eat or drink anything, so she's not a really good yardstick for such things. :LOL


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## spryte (Jan 27, 2002)

I was a single mom with dd and had to work starting when she was just 4 months old. I was lucky and had a good friend who just had a baby (our babes were 2 weeks apart) and offered to be her caregiver. Dd would not take a bottle and after a couple weeks of driving to nurse every 2 hours my friend offered to nurse dd for me. Dd had no problems and was perfectly content after that and I didn't get fired.









Charmarty- happy birthingday!


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## Fianna (Sep 4, 2003)

Just jumping in after quickly reading all of the posts--can I join you guys?! My "baby" is 29 months old, and she still loves to nurse. I've not handled that relationship with the reverence it deserves lately, but I'm going to change that. I love that she nurses and I don't want her to stop. I just need to make myself act that way! I could really use the support of this group.

Padomi, I know exactly what you mean about your regional issues! I am from SC, my parents still live there, and my family has a beach house on Hilton Head Island that we frequent regularly (I live in GA, right on the border). I know a handfull of people IRL who EBF, but I don't see them very often. Thank goodness my mom and sisters are very supportive.

Rynna, just wanted to offer a hug of support. I cheated my older dd by asking her to wean when I was pregnant with her sister. She did it without a fuss, but I will always feel regret over my inability to nurse through pregnancy. What an amazing gift you are giving your babies!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Welcome Fianna!

Spryte, that is so awesome! That is what I would want if I had to leave my baby too. I'd also be more than willing to nurse someone else's kid if they needed me to. Hey, I've even got paperwork (I donate).


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *charmarty*







Amanda and Alexander. How long ago did he wean?

He weaned exactly 10 months ago. He'll be 6 years old 2 months from today.

He had a pretty good day today, until the end of my father's birthday party (at a really nice restaurant!) when he couldn't play a game on our friend's cell phone because he couldn't use both hands...he had a meltdown recalling everything in the day that he couldn't do because his arm was broken and just cried and cried out of frustration (and exhaustion, as it was past bedtime and he barely slept last night!). All three of my kids were asleep by the time we got home and they all stayed asleep as I carried them each up two flights of stairs from the car to the bedrooms (dh is still at work...ugh!).

My left breast is getting engorged, as Haley barely nursed today because she had so many new people to play with today at my parents' house (they have two couples staying at their house for the weekend) and so much to do at my dad's party! I'm going to go upstairs soon and see if she'll nurse in her sleep!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I'm going to a LLL area conference tomorrow; MIL offered to watch BeanBean, but I declined because I tend to become very engorged when he's not around to nurse. I've had to pump three times to relieve the pain since BooBah was born, and I get a ridiculous amount of milk.







I'm convinced that he's getting between 700 and 1000 calories a day just from me. Mike thinks that may be a little much, but if I eat less than 2000 calories a day I feel like I'm starving to death, and I am slowly packing on the pounds anyway because of the whole horrific "starvation mode" thing.







I wish I could eat regularly and often, but I always grab what I can and end up feeling hungry, tired, angry and miserable. I've been somewhat depressed and very angry lately, and I know that my diet (rather, my lack thereof; "diet" means "regimen") has a lot to do with it.

Meanwhile, I need to borrow some money from my mother and buy myself some fat pants, because my behind is freaking huge.


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## sea island mama (Dec 17, 2001)

On the topic of nursing someone else's baby...
I have nursed my niece (9 weeks old) a couple of times as my sister doesn't have enough due to a breast reduction & hates having to give formula. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get anything when I pump or I would give her that as well.

On the topic of nursing a 4 y.o....







:






















It has bothered me quite a bit to nurse her at all since I was pregnant with ds (I had a nursing "aversion") & had to "wean" her about 3 months in. Since he was born she has gradually built up to nursing every morning again (& occasionally during the day if something traumatic happens).

We had a big fight this morning because she tried to force her way in between me & ds who was nursing at the time. He grabbed on with his teeth, I pushed her away (after trying to ask her to wait) & she kicked me! After that there was no way she was getting any







.

This has been building for a while, I think. Every morning she says "I want milky!" & it immediately gets my back up. I usually say "pardon me?" or something to that effect & she sweetly says "may I please have some milky?", but by that time I'm annoyed & only grudgingly let her have some.

Dh says I should "just wean" her







, but as you know, it's not that simple. Anyone else have problems like this? Don't even suggest I nurse them at the same time. Although I have done it a couple of times, it gives me the willies just thinking about it.


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## RadiantMama (Sep 9, 2004)

Hey wow i thought i was nursing a lot. how much water are you drinking? i often think i'm not getting enough...and how long did you exclusively breastfeed? I may do a survey here....


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy*
Mike thinks that may be a little much, but if I eat less than 2000 calories a day I feel like I'm starving to death, and I am slowly packing on the pounds anyway because of the whole horrific "starvation mode" thing.







I wish I could eat regularly and often, but I always grab what I can and end up feeling hungry, tired, angry and miserable. I've been somewhat depressed and very angry lately, and I know that my diet (rather, my lack thereof; "diet" means "regimen") has a lot to do with it.

Meanwhile, I need to borrow some money from my mother and buy myself some fat pants, because my behind is freaking huge.

























I'm in the same boat...unable to lose weight due to the "starvation mode" thing. I'm tandem nursing, always forget to eat breakfast and don't eat much during the day, and my body thinks it's starving. If I could just remember to eat / eat enough! What makes it horrible for me is that my family thinks I'm eating junk or eating too much and I'm actually eating very healthy...it's just my metabolism is basically shut down. UGH!


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

That has happened to me...I didn't realize there was a name for it. It started last year, all of a sudden, I started gaining weight....







The past few months I have finally begun to lose weight, only because we had a couple of very active vacations. I kne it was my metabolism slowing down, but I didn't know why.


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## sparkeze (Nov 20, 2002)

to everyone!

My DS is 30 mos and nurses anywhere from 1-5 times during the day and 1-3 times at night. He's slowly been showing less interest in nursing and I can see that he doesn't need it much anymore. He still loves nursing, but mostly only wants to when he's bored or tired. Unfortunately I can't offer to nurse for distraction or a bribe anymore - he usually refuses to nurse at those times! And the only time that he spends more than 30 seconds nursing now is at night... I miss the settle in to nurse with a book days!


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## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

Nevermind


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Elphaba, I've learned that if you honor one's feelings and respect them for it, then it won't be such an issue. Those are real feelings she's having, and nursing for comfort is a real need. That's wonderful that she can pinpoint exactly what she needs, and be open about it, rather than just crying and you not knowing why. Adults and children alike need their feelings validated and emotional needs met, not denied and laughed at.


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## *solsticemama* (Feb 8, 2003)

A bit late on the uptake but I'm here. We're still pretty early in the game compared to some of you mamas. Ds is 22 mos.

I just got "mothering your nursing toddler" It's been helpful. Before reading it I was thinking I'd nightwean at 2 but now I'm not so sure. Ds is still a big nightnurser, 4 or 5 times a night which makes me think it's filling a need beyond just being close to mama. The part I find hard is when he cluster nurses and asks for "oht side" every 2 mins







At 4 in the morning I'm not always my best and sometimes I wonder whether it wouldn't be better if I just nightweaned completely. But so far I've decided against this.

Right now I think we're dealing with thrush...AGAIN







: My nipples are soo sore I'm rinsing them with vinegar/water solution and I'm applying a paste of acidopholous mixed with a bit of water. This afternoon I'm going to get a homeopathic as well.







: that this clears it up because it's forcing me to redirect ds when he asks to nurse too many times in the course of an hour. I really don't like denying him this source of comfort


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Aughhhh! My dad was getting on me about weaning tonight. It was a very uncomfortable conversation. I am not going to get into it right now, and he will have probably have forgotten about it next time I see him, but AUGHHHHH!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Evergreen. Hang in there. You're the Mama.


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## wasabi (Oct 12, 2004)

I thought I'd jump in. My DD just turned two and I'm pg with our second. I'm hoping that she'll wean during the pg but it won't at all surprise me if she doesn't. :LOL I'm starting to experience a lot of nipple soreness and I do find myself limiting nursing somewhat once the milk is gone and I'm in pain. Fortunately she nightweaned herself about a month ago so that has been a huge blessing. Anyway just thought I would say hi.

robyn


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I just wanted to say Congratulations to Joan (Mom4tot) for being Senior Member of the Week!































And







to all our newcoming CLWers!


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Awww, shucks, Michelle!!









I'd like to thank the Academy....and all of the people who love me!







:LOL


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## birthdancedoula (Nov 13, 2002)

I have not read all the replies but I wanted to drop in and say







:
We're CLWeaners







Caleb, who is 5, nurses just about everyday. He says he's going to nurse until he gets married but I may have to put my foot down, lol! His little brother self-weaned at 15 months. I got pregnant with my youngest then but he said that he was "done with nummies cause he is a big boy." I tandemed the oler two and now I'm tandeming the oldest and the baby. Its been a bittersweet experience but I wouldn't trade a minute of it...I'm going to be so sad when my b/f'ing days are over.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Hi Ashley!

My daughter eats very little solid foods. Seriously, she will be two in January,and will eat a handful of Cheerios, a bite of an apple, and two baby carrots for an entire day. This is her normal routine, sometimes she will eat some pasta or soy cheese or salmon but only if it has been days since her last real meal.

I know that breastmilk is the only thing really sustaining her right now. I also think she just had a growth spurt. Everyone is saying she looks really tall. She used to be a pretty voracious eater, but not anymore.

i was just joking with my dad about how toddlers don't eat anything. He said in a really rude way , "Jsut breastfed ones" and kept going on about how I needed to wean her. he is one of those people who never shuts up when he has a point ot make. He said "You don't want her to end up like your brother.' My parents joke that my little brother nursed forever and that is why he is a 22 year old alcoholic who still lives in their Florida room. But he used to eat everything (still does) and he actually only nursed 13.5 months (yeah, forever :LOL)

So that is the story. Like I said, he will forget about it, but he needs to understand that I am the mom. I quoted the WHO and he said he wouldn't beleive anything the UN agreed with


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## Kate522 (Jul 1, 2004)

I CLWed my now 4 1/2 year old. She self-weaned the day our second baby was born. I was all set to try tandem nursing, but she had other plans. I shouldn't be surprised because she's like that: makes up her mind and goes for it. She just needed the closeness with nursing. The hardest part for her was falling asleep without nursing, but we've worked past that.

I loved "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler". It got me through the rough patches. I'm the only one I know who has nursed a 3 1/2 year old (excepting you all). My mother and sister gave me some grief once she turned a year, but I stuck to it. Mostly, they were weirded out because it wasn't in their realm of experience. My husband has been extremely supportive and so have my best friends (both of whom had no children at that point).

Now I'm CLWing my second babe. She's a year old and nurses differently than my first child. She's not as needy with nursing as Elizabeth was. I think she'll wean earlier, but who knows and I don't care.

As far as sleeping goes, we co-slept until Elizabeth was 2. Then we slowly transitioned her to her own bed. She's okay with it. I'd nurse her back to sleep several times in the night until I realized a lot of those time she was sleeptalking! She wasn't even awake. If I left her alone, she went back to sleep. Then, I didn't get up unless she called Mama! three times. A whimpered "mama" meant sleeptalking. Anyway, what really helped me was the simple fact that most children don't "reliably sleep through the night until age four." When I read that, I was like "whoa! why haven't I heard that before?" Why should I get worked up about sleep when they
are not going to do it for four years? It really calmed the situation for me.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Welcome Kate and Ashley


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## Amys1st (Mar 18, 2003)

Hi Ladies,

I must say I love your posts. I am Amy and can I play too?

My DD is 29 mo's and is CLWeaning. She is down to at the most 2 a day. But, since she is not napping as much sometimes just once.

I have noticed her sessions will last on average 15 seconds. Once or so a week maybe 5 minutes to calm down etc. I know my production has gone down to nothing and I am wondering if she is forgetting how to nurse. She seems to go to do it and then stop as if to say "nah" or she has a look on her face like she is thinking-did I forget something? Then she goes about her business or starts to nod off. She has not nursed to sleep in days also. Has anyone noticed this with their nursling(s)?

I don't think I need to go into all the awesome benfits of nursing a toddler...but I am fine with her weaning since we came this far. If she would have weaned last year- I would cry like my best friend did. But she has done so well with it.
I see a confident, bright, not a picky eater little girl who is a Terrific 2 year old not a terrible 2's child. I have had people tell me children are clingy from bfeeding so long. I say thats good since if DD was not clingy- she might move out of town! She is not clingy one bit and I owe her ways to bfeeding. The downside on a humorous note- DH and I think she might be smarter than us! He said the other night jokingly it was my fault since I did the Bfeeding, not him. I then said it was his fault since he wanted me to bfeed in the first place!


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

Well...that didn't last long!

Kailey stopped nursing at 41 months, she has happily taken it back up again, a few days ago. Just out of the blue she sais she wanted to "nu-nu".

Cool with me









Does this happen often? She had stopped nurusing for about a month.


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## darlindeliasmom (Nov 19, 2001)

I heard Kathryne Dettweiler give a talk once on a study she was doing on age of weaning, and she said it was almost universal for the child led weaning moms to answer, "Which time?" cause they thought their children were weaned at 3 only to have them come back and nurse some more, then surely they were weaned at 4 1/2. But no, need some more...

That's been my experience...dd stopped and started for a long time...sometimes now at almost 8 she still plays that she'll start again...
I secretly think it WAS her plan that I nurse her on her wedding day...not gonna happen, folks!!


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

My son will be 4 in Jan and he has nursed once this month. He tried to nurse the other day but was not latching on correctly. I don't know what he was doing, but he was clamping down with his lips and not sucking at all. I could easily just slip the nipple out of his mouth. I tried to help him latch right but he just laughed and got down.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

PD, yes it is normal. When dd slowed down she would take long breaks too. It was her natural way of not needing it anymore, then needing it again for a while... She ultimately weaned because she had been taking such long breaks that my body stopped producing milk. So her last time was a little disappointing for us both because, when she finally decided to nurse, she still expected there to be milk (and I wanted to give her what she wanted). Every now and then (like once every couple of months) she'll try again just to make sure, which is bittersweet because I know that if there was still milk then she probably would still nurse occasionally. But my body thinks she's done, so no more milk. She's contently accepting of it though. I think most of all she misses the sweet taste combined with the comfort of nursing.

Kavamamakava, Dd's latch changed sometimes too. Sometimes it was so strange I would think "Who is this child?!" :LOL. I have no idea why she did it. Maybe she was experimenting or maybe it was one more biologically quirky step in the process of the long path of natural weaning.







: But she always got back on track.


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

You guys, right now alls I can say is, thank goodness my body is able to nurse my babies still!
My 4 y.o. DD just went in for surgery today for dental stuff and they put her under. Let me tell you, I am SO thankful to be able to help her and comfort her this way. Of coarse her twin thinks it's an open bar for her today too







:LOL

Ladies, be sure to thank your bodies for providing this gift. Remember those whe aren't so lucky


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

I am glad things went well, Charmaty. Thanks for the update









You are right, nursing is such a gift...especially when our little ones are hurt. The whole thing must have been scary for you, too. Enjoy your little ones


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

So do you ever feel like not nursing? My son is at this really annoying stage where he wants me to be running around National Geographic style all the time so he can "sip" at his nursies and then run off and come back... well, that drives me crazy, I want him to either nurse or not, the :flyby stuff really irritates me because it's a lot of work for me. I usually have to put his sister down or rearrange her, and that takes time and energy, and then to have him trying to crawl up my shirt while I'm doing it...







:

Of course, my son knows the drill-- if he really wants to nurse and not mess around, he'll say "Mamma, ______ hurts! Kiss a booboo, nurse you BeanBean?" with this face:







or







. He knows that if he's really hurting, I won't deny him the breast. Still, sometimes it really feels like he's just out to make me spend my whole day on my butt, boobs exposed. He actually told me he wanted a sip yesterday! A sip! I'm totally going







trying to keep up with him. As committed as I am to child led weaning, I still feel like telling him no more often than not. He gets so sad, though, he thinks the whole world is against him or something and he just bawls and bawls and bawls; I have no idea what to do.

Please tell me that this doesn't last forever, that he really will wean eventually.... tell me that I'm not creating a monster by caving whenever he cries.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

THat is my Dylan too- see the signature!

She acts like more of a baby when she wants to nurse. She speaks very clearly usually, but when she wants to nurse she reverts to baby talk.
"Mommy, I nurssey couch." Is how she would usually say, "Mommy, I want to nurse on the couch."

Or if she hurts herself, "MAMA!!! I bumpy head, needa nurssey now!"

:LOL I love my nursling!


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## callmemama (May 7, 2002)

My nursling is 5 now


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Congratulations callmemama!! And Happy Birthday to your nursling!


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Good for you Callmeama, that's great!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

We're doing child led weaning here.

Leah nursed through my second pregnancy and then it was a "mutual weaning" when she was 30 months old. Hannah weaned prematurely at 14mo (a month before big sis weaned) due to bad advice I followed from a "friend." I think if I'd had internet access then, I would have been able to salvage that nursing relationship (not to mention salvaging her baby teeth that got decayed from the bottle!!!!)

My sweet little boy just turned 3 and has been "nursing like a newborn" because he's sick. I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to nurse a real newborn again so I'm savoring it.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Happy Birthday to your sweet nursling Callmemama and congratulations to you on a half decade of nursing!









Also, thank you for bumping this up. One of my goals this week was to bump it. I was missing it and all of you.


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

I'm going through one of those phases where I hate nursing.









DS (31months) still keeps me up like he's a newborn all night long.
During the day, if I sit down to look at the newspaper or make a phone call, he wants to nurse.

I've started to set some more limits, but they don't always work (he's going to be a great negotiator someday).

Limits like, at night, I encourage him to try water from a cup instead (doesn't always work). And today at a playdate, he wanted to stay and nap with his friend, but I told him I wasn't going to nurse him to sleep if he did (his friend doesn't nurse, and I just didn't feel like staying, anyway). I guess the limits are mostly at night. He wakes me up every 2-3 hours.

Can I still consider myself a CLWer?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ETA: congratulations Callmemama!















ruthla


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

Ok, I can hear you all out there in cyberspace saying "what the heck happened, Adrianne! We thought you were a CLWer!"

Come on, hasn't anyone had these feelings at least once in five years of nursing?

Anyway, I'm over it now! Yay! It was very brief - a day or two. And no, my limits were not over the top. Just encouraging my ds to nurse less at night, but I usually was overruled by his need. And, during the day, I always did end up nursing him instead of reading the newspaper or while talking on the phone.

So, no, I have not betrayed you all!

But, good news on the night-waking: last night, for the first time in his life, DS slept *7 hours*!!!! 10:30pm - 5:30am! I woke up wondering what the heck happened! I wonder if it will happen again.....


















p.s. read my post with a touch of kiddingness


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

:LOL No Adrianne, I don't think anyone was thinking that! Of course you're still doing CLW. We all have our ups and downs. Dd's actually been challenging me w/it lately. She's become demanding of so many things. I realize it's not just about nursing though. It's a GD issue all around. She's like this w/everything lately. So we're working on it and it's getting better. I just wanted to let you know that of course you're not alone in going through some rough times and as long as you're still planning on doing CLW than of course you are a CLWer!


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

what do you mean by "challenging you with it"? I'm nosy and curious


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I wasn't thinking that at all Adrianne. I think we tend to be harder on ourselves than others are, that's how I am anyway. So, as I always sing to dd (ala Bob Marley).....

Don't worry








about a thing








cause every little thing








is gonna be alright









(I just needed a music notes smilie, not the whistle)
Okay, so that was totally corny. For some reason I just felt like singing it.







:LOL

BTW, I like your DDDDC MamaAllNatural!


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

mother_sunshine, as our longest term bfer (that I know of) - did this ever happen to you, and how often? I mean, the bfing burnout. How did you deal with it?


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AdrianneWe*
mother_sunshine, as our longest term bfer (that I know of) - did this ever happen to you, and how often? I mean, the bfing burnout. How did you deal with it?


Ahem....









Adrianne, I have felp burnt out at times and I suppose some days I reacted better than others. Some days, I felt tired and impatient, others I was able to step back and look at the big picture.

My goodness, setting a few limits as you did doesn't make you a bad mother...or bad breastfeeder :LOL

On days when I felt worn out, I sometimes used distraction by going to the park, getting busy with something else. I remember often, just laying down and surrendering, you know? "Ok, we'll nurse all day..."

These are temporary measures for temporary feelings, because they do pass. Just as you are feeling better today


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

OMG Mrs. Garfunkel how could I have forgotten you!









I





















you all, you dear sweet mamas!









(and, I just polished off a very large bar of chocolate







which might be adding to my MDCMamas infatuation right now)

My circle of IRL friends who are still bfing their 2002 babies is shrinking fast... some have moved on to 2004 babies, but I'm starting to feel like the weirdo!

MDC Mamas rock


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## darlindeliasmom (Nov 19, 2001)

Hey, Adrienne, since I'm just about tied with mother-sunshine, I just want to say YES! YES! YES!

It's only natural to have days when you just want to, you know, SIT DOWN without your 30 to 40 lb toddler or preschooler crawling over you looking to nurse, when you long to hold a book with 2 hands, or have a hot drink...

And since I tend to self-pity in my worst moments, I'd be saying to myself, "none of the other mommies are having to go through this."

I always found that after I fretted for a few days and *maybe* raged for another, that I surrendered and the nursing jag was over.., and I could once again enjoy a variety of activities with her.

It's truly one of those things in life that does fit under the heading,"this too will pass."


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom4tot*
Ahem....









:LOL I was just going to post the reminder.
















I agree with Joan and Darlindeliasmom, this will pass. After you asked me that question, Adrianne, I started feeling panicky trying to remember those times :LOL. I think if those times were truly lasting and life-changing I would remember them more clearly.

I know there were plenty of times when I had my fill of frustration, and like Joan, I handled it in different ways depending on all the circumstances (mood, health, level of patience, luck). We do the best we can. Even though we all have this ideal of exactly how we should always be and how things should always fall into place, we are all human and we all have our proud and not-so-proud moments. Motherhood can be extremely tiring and exhausting, even more so for us because we listen to our instincts, and I think it is our instinct to doubt ourselves and our actions at times. Especially when we live in a culture that conditions mothers to deny their instincts. We feel especially all alone sometimes...like "what is wrong with me?", yk? Oh yeah







, now I'm remembering it. I remember when my last friend who was breastfeeding weaned her dd at 2yrs (when dd was 2yrs) and then I was completely on my own. I didn't have internet and I was ignorant to the "alternative" info that was out there (ie: Mothering mag). I was riding on pure instinct then (dd's and mine) and questioned what was "right" all the time.







:LOL

(please pardon me














. Dd has been sick all week and is holding me hostage at home. I am going a little crazy right now







NEED.....TO....GET....OUT







)

But really, I know how it feels. And you're not alone Adrianne. And this will pass (even though it doesn't feel like it right now).


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Adrianne, I meant she's been challenging me a bit w/breastfeeding WRT being demanding. She's been like this in many ways. ITA w/everything Joan said in her post, esp.WRT seeing the big picture.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *mother_sunshine*
Don't worry








about a thing








cause every little thing








is gonna be alright









:LOL You're so cute Mother Sunshine!









Quote:

BTW, I like your DDDDC MamaAllNatural!
Thanks.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom4tot*
Ahem....









I was going to post this too! :LOL







to Joanie!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom4tot=*
bad breastfeeder :LOL









: Yes, how does one define a bad breastfeeder? :LOL That's so funny.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

I'll miss you, ladies!!


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)




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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Hi Mountain Mom!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom4tot*























I'll miss you, ladies!!


Where ya goin' Joan?


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

I mean when MDC goes down for a few days! I will miss talking to you all


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

mountain mom


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

(we posted at the same time)

Ah! gotcha.









Glad you're not going anywhere.









I'll miss you guys too.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Happy Thanksgiving Michelle!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

BTW Joan, Ellie's package came today. It made dd feel better.
















ETA: Happy Thanksgiving!








(are we totally in-sinc today or what?







)


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

I'm so glad she got it. She can color the leaves and put them in a sunny window


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

That's so sweet, Joan


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Okay, so I'm a little slow today. I knew MDC was closing for an upgrade soon but I didn't realize it was tomorrow morning.









I'll miss you all.









Here's to family.









And here's to our sisterhood


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

yay, we're back! I missed you all, too! I lurked a bit on the Yahoo threads, but that was after the fact. I wasn't online at all on Saturday so I didn't get to participate in the bathroom talk :LOL


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Missed you. too!

What bathroom talk?










Now, I am pretending MDC is still down. Must clean! :LOL


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Wow, that was actually a lot shorter of a break than I expected. I'm in the middle of getting the house ready for MIL this week, and I just caught dd's cold







. And dd just caught what seems to be Part II of this nasty cold







. Ugh.

Anyway, I missed the potty talk too. :LOL


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Bathroom....







: ...I must remember to turn the heater in my bathroom on ... it was waaay too cold in there this morning ...









Speaking of cleaning...we got a 7 foot long cabinet w/ bookcases on top from my parents, who are remodeling their kitchen. Earlier I was sitting on the floor putting stuff into the cabinet and rearranging the stuff I already put in and just happened to notice that Haley was nursing as I was doing all this. I didn't even notice her latch on, or the fact that I was (automatically) working around her! I suppose after (almost) 6 years of continuous nursing... :LOL


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## fraya (Apr 13, 2002)

Hey, y'all. Somehow I stopped getting the email notifications ... but I'm glad to see this thread is still active!

I'm starting to prepare for our second child's arrival, and I need help with a couple things. So I posted in the EBf forum a question about how y'all nurse a newborn outdoors without getting cold. Getting outside is really important for everyone in the family, so I know I'll be doing it from a pretty early age with the baby, but I have trouble keeping warm even without unzipping my jacket. So I posted this thread and would appreciate your input!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?p=2319263

Thanks so much!

Regarding CLW, I had a weaning "scare" a couple of months ago where my son (3.5 y.o.) actually asked to snuggle instead of nursing to sleep (an alternative I have NEVER offered him!), and then refused to nurse back to sleep when he awoke at night, asking to snuggle again. Now that he's sleeping through the night, he's only nursing once/day, usually, and that's to go to sleep. That's fine with me, but a sudden weaning was more than I could bear! I worried about his health through the flu season (immunity and nutrients) and the sibling transition, but honestly it was just a huge change for me! I figured it'd happen gradually. And now he's still nursing once/day, usually, so I've calmed down!


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## callmemama (May 7, 2002)

I'm wondering if ds has done a "sudden weaning"?







He hasn't nursed since the weekend - I can't even remember if it was Saturday or Sunday because it didn't occur to me that it might be "the last time". Today is Friday... The weekend was 2 1/2 weeks after his 5th birthday and up until his b'day he was nursing every night with an occasional skipped night. On the weekend we were snuggled up in our reading chair when he asked to nurse - he hadn't done that in ages, then he nursed at bedtime and that was it (to date). I am so torn. We've never even talked about weaning, its just something he has been gradually doing. Should it remain "unspoken"? Should we talk about it?

In re-reading my post, I did have to laugh a little - how many people can ask if their 5yo has done a "sudden weaning"?


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

callmemama







This could be another step in his weaning, which, as you say, has been gradual. Do you want to talk about it? I probably would, even just to comment about it. What do you think? Of course, there is nothing wrong with it being unspoken, but, it is such an important relationship that words may help you both through it. Many







's You are a wonderful mama!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

callmemama, Every child is different, so he may have weaned himself or he may just be taking a break. My dd would take week-long breaks toward the end of her weaning, I would think she'd be done, then she would want to nurse again. But that's my child, every child is unique.

I personally would talk to my dd about it, not with pressure or sadness, but just to communicate. You should do what is right for you and your ds.


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## callmemama (May 7, 2002)

Thanks you two!







We actually talked about it a little while ago. He was in a happy, chatty, snuggly mood, so I mentioned that I realized he hadn't nursed in almost a week. He smiled real big and said "I know!". Then I told him that little children that get to nurse always stop sometime. He said "I'm not stopping!". So I said that's fine, but all little children do eventually. His reply? "Well, I might not!". So whether he really has weaned or just taken a break, "the talk" was priceless!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *callmemama*
He said "I'm not stopping!". So I said that's fine, but all little children do eventually. His reply? "Well, I might not!".

:LOL Too cute!


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## fraya (Apr 13, 2002)

I'm so happy for you!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *callmemama*
Thanks you two!







We actually talked about it a little while ago. He was in a happy, chatty, snuggly mood, so I mentioned that I realized he hadn't nursed in almost a week. He smiled real big and said "I know!". Then I told him that little children that get to nurse always stop sometime. He said "I'm not stopping!". So I said that's fine, but all little children do eventually. His reply? "Well, I might not!". So whether he really has weaned or just taken a break, "the talk" was priceless!

















That *is* priceless.


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

How precious!









Speaking of weaning...my "weaner" and I were talking the other day about how his 6th birthday is swiftly approaching (the 22nd) and that on that day it will have been a year since he weaned. He can't believe it was *that* long ago ... and asked me if he remembered that he's going to "re-nurse" when he's six (he said that for a few weeks starting a few months after he weaned - I didn't even know he remembered!). Our conversation got interrupted by his little sister falling off the ladder to the bunk bed, so....I'm now wondering if he was just asking if I remembered, or if that's his plan!


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## Fletchersmama (May 23, 2003)

Hi all,
I'm on mdc so little these days, but I am so greatful to be able to check in here. I remeber when I was a teenager and my older sister was nursing my four year old niece - I thought "that's a bit much" Even though my own mother clw'd me (I was around six when I quit completely)!
My ds is 23 months and nursing strong.
I am also greatful that my dh, who asked when I was pregnant "shouldn't we keep some formula in the diaper bag, in case we ever need it?" and "I think you should probably nurse till about 1 year." Is fully supportive of ds nursing till he's ready to stop. He "preaches to all his friends AND their wives why nursing is so important, and is ready to let anyone have it who might approach us negativly about nip!!
Life is wonderful when you just let nature do it's work, and I feel so blessed to be a part of this group!
Sorry I just got a bit sappy from reading all your posts and thinking about some friend's kids who don't have the option of clw:
One friend is trying to wean her 2 year-old and told him he was a "being a baby" the other day when he wanted to nurse - I felt so sad for him!
Keep up the good work mamas!!!


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

Fletchersmama~ I have to ask...DO you remember nursing with your mother?

Would you be willing to share your feelings from a 6 year old P.O.V. on nursing? DOes it bring warm feelings or others?

I am very curious because I have two 4 year olds who are and no doubt will remember this thier whole lives( I can see us nursing till they are 6 or so the way they are going!) I think I just need to know how it may affect thier outlook on it later in life.


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## callmemama (May 7, 2002)

Fletchersmama, its so great that you're carrying on with another generation of CLW!!!

As for my 5yo, he asked to nurse last night. I don't know if it was our talk earlier in the day, if it was just time, or if I conveyed my stress onto him about being called for jury duty! It will be an interesting journey from here - in fact, I think I'll mark yesterday on my calendar, since you never know!


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## Fletchersmama (May 23, 2003)

to be honest I don't remeber much, i'm not sure exactly how much I was nursing by six. My mom was nursing my younger sister (by two years) and I think I just wanted to join in the snuggle some times.
what I do remeber is closeness, comfort, relaxation. The clearest memory (I just posted about this elsewhere!







) is of nursing in my mom's bed - both my sister and I were nursing. my older brother (by eight years) walked in and freaked out "Mom, why do you have to do that - it's gross!"
I don't remember my mom's exact responee (and from this memory I suspect neither my sister or I were nursing alot - since it seems my brother was not too used to seeing it) but I have and emotional memory that she handled it calmly and I know we kept right on nursing.
Acctually this particular brother was often put off and upset by my mother's parenting style with us girls and was quick to give his opinion







- still is!


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

Thank you for sharing that. It helps me.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fletchersmama*
One friend is trying to wean her 2 year-old and told him he was a "being a baby" the other day when he wanted to nurse - I felt so sad for him!

You might tell her what my mother (who's not a CLW kind of person) told me-- two year olds, for the most part, do not wean. 14 month olds wean and 40 month olds wean, but kids rarely stop between 22 and 40 months. I can't imagine what kind of trouble it would be to try to wean my two year old-- I have a hard time getting him to wait five seconds while I move his sister.







:LOL


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## moss (Feb 7, 2004)

hi mama's, if you have an extra minute, can you look at my post? http://www.mothering.com/discussions...96#post2378596

i posted it on it's own thread so that it wouldnt get lost on your lovely thread over here.


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## lpmeadows78 (Oct 5, 2004)

I consider myself an instintual parent,so, I have always maintained by thinking when she is ready she will stop. That thinking works most of the time and I have definatly had good days and bad. I remember hitting a wall at 3 weeks, 3 months, a year, and it seems that I have hit another. I tell her no when I am buisy, and she understands, but she always motions for me to sit down. She knows that if I a sitting down in one place for more than a second she can get a nip in. She has never been a power nurser. If she had it her way ( and she usually does) she would have me lying on my back anywhere with my shirt and bra up on my neck pinching one nipple and eating of the other. Switching every five seconds. She doesn't want me to touch her or hold her. My mother calls me her milk puppet. Which is true. I think that if I could just sit and hold her and nurse I might enjoy it alot more. She makes me feel as if I am being used up most of the time. Much like you see the Lioneses with there cubs nursing and dancing all around her at the same time. She wants me to preform for her like this all the time wherever we are, and it is very imbarassing the way she always has to have her hand down my shirt to touch my nipples. Not to mention how raw they feel all the time from the constant pinching, scratching, and rubbing. I often reach a touch limit several times a day and at night. I hope no new mom's read this and get discourgaged as I have found that non of my friends baby's are this demanding and particular about nursing. What can I do without making her think that I don't want her to be close to me. I do, just not on these terms. She is 18m old and I hope this isn't a set behavior.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

lpmeadows78, Nursing is a _relationship_ between mother and child. I don't think it's healthy for one member to dictate a relationship. Both individuals should be respected. That said, it is very hard for an 18mo to understand that, especially when she is running on such strong instincts!









I personally believe it is fine to set limits. I'm not speaking of limiting the amount of breastfeeding necessarily, but the way she is breastfeeding. It is okay to tell her that certain actions are not okay, that mama doesn't like it and will not tolerate it. I don't think it's healthy for either one of you to be expected to grit your teeth and just bear it. Tell/show her that you love her and show her what *is* okay with you. It might take some work but it will be worth it in the long run. There can be a balance where you are both happy with the breastfeeding relationship.


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## Stugroupie (Aug 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lpmeadows78*
If she had it her way ( and she usually does) she would have me lying on my back anywhere with my shirt and bra up on my neck pinching one nipple and eating of the other. Switching every five seconds. She doesn't want me to touch her or hold her. ...it is very imbarassing the way she always has to have her hand down my shirt to touch my nipples. Not to mention how raw they feel all the time from the constant pinching, scratching, and rubbing. ... She is 18m old and I hope this isn't a set behavior.

My ds is 18 mos and is very much the same way. He wants to nurse in crazy positions, twiddle the other nipple, put his hand down my shirt, pull my shirt up, etc. I am not comfortable with these antics, so I am teaching him "nursing manners".

When he is trying to dig down my shirt, I gently remove his hand from my shirt and tell him "Please do not put your hand there, Mommy doesn't like that." When he is trying to get in crazy positions, threatening to bite, etc. I tell him he needs to nurse nicely. He doesn't talk much, but he does know the sign for nurse (milk). He learned quickly (just a few days) that mommy won't nurse him until he asks nicely. If he starts yanking my shirt up, I gently say, "Please use your hands to ask nicely." (If you child can talk, you could say "Please use your words to ask nicely.") Teaching him these manners has improved our nursing relationship tremendously. It is definitely easier to NIP!

When he does ask nicely for nurse, I try not to make him wait. I will say something like "What a good idea! Mommy loves to have nurse with Milo. Thank you for asking so nicely!."

Nursing is a relationship and should be enjoyed by both mother and child. Your child will pick up on any negative feelings you may have about nursing him/ her. Each family needs to decide what behaviors are acceptable and which are not. You can respect yourself and your chld's need to nurse.

Hang in there...it does get better! Good luck!


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## Dominique (Oct 28, 2003)

Hi there, I have decided to come seek some support because I am getting so frustrated with nursing. My dd is turning 3 on Saturday and I am so tired of nursing. I thought that by this point I should just let her wean herself but to be honest I'm really tired of it. The minute I turn on the computer she decides she wants to nurse, which I know is a grab for attention, so I usually just try to give her some attention and she forgets about the nursing. But as I sit here writing she is nursing. She's nursing what feels like all night long, and then if we are home she nurses 2-3 times/day.

Any ideas, suggestions?

Thanks,
Dominique


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## lpmeadows78 (Oct 5, 2004)

I apreciate the feedback, but I have tried several time. I am sometimes afraid that I let it go to long this way. I love my daughter very much, but she has her own mind when it comes to this one thing. My mom says that boys are even more possesive then girls. I can't believe that. I am giving it my all at this point, and I will try as long as I can. Like I said before. I have hit walls before. This is just another one of those walls. I can wait it out and hope for the best. I am very glad that I have an outlet to talk about it, because no one else really cares. They think it is really funny the way she nurses, laughing and clapping. Like it is a circus trick.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lpmeadows78*
I apreciate the feedback, but I have tried several time. I am sometimes afraid that I let it go to long this way.

You have to be very firm with her. My son was a total twiddler and it was only mildly irritating until I got pregnant; suddenly it became a huge priority to make him *stop*. I just couldn't take it, when he reached for the other nipple I was filled with an overwhelming urge to throw him accross the room!







:

Now, when he starts to reach for the other breast or reach down my shirt, I remind him to "mind your own nursie." I tell him to use his words and ask politely to nurse, and to keep both hands on his own nursie (or holding his sister's hand or patting her back







). I don't allow the gymnastics either; it's too painful for me, so I tell him that he can nurse calmly and holding still or he can wait. Sometimes he'd rather be running around anything, so I can talk him into eating something else; other times he wants to be nursing so he stays calm and nurses with me.

Nursing is a _relationship_, and you do get a say which is just as important as your daughters. There's got to be give and take on both sides, kwim? Just like any other relationship.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

They think it is really funny the way she nurses, laughing and clapping. Like it is a circus trick.
The question is: are you the ringmaster or the circus *ring*? :LOL

Sounds like you've got a great attitude at least!


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## Stugroupie (Aug 19, 2003)

You have to be really firm about teaching nursing manners (or anything else for that matter!). Ds got mad, cried, and generally pitched a huge fit when I told him that he couldn't nurse unless he did it nicely. I guess it was a matter of will - I was more stubborn about it and never gave in. I understand that he was angry with me. I had never refused to nurse him before...kids don't like change. He wants to nurse more than he wants his own way, though.

As a disclaimer, you need to make sure that your child can understand you when you tell them why they can't nurse and what behavior you expect from them. (I wouldn't dream of doing this with a child under a year.) Mommies need to judge for themselves when the child is ready as all children are unique.


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## carrietorgc (Sep 16, 2003)

I've never posted on this thread b/c I always felt like dd and I weren't "there" yet, whatever that means.

Now that I am pregnant, I am getting worried both about my intentions to led dd CLW AND possible nursing two babies. I am feeling SO guilty about ttc now, b/c dd does not really like the taste of my milk and the lower supply (I'm only 6 wks now), and I can sense that she might wean. She is just a VERY easily distracted nurser and frankly now that the milk tastes "funny" and there is less asks MUCH less often to nurse.

Oh, and I hear you on the nursing manners. DD is 18 mo and thinks it is fun to hit when nursing. I find that when she does, and I say "we don't hit when nursing, show mommy nice" and end the session that she was ready to end it. it is like she is acting out to tell me she is done. Does your dd ever do that?


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy*
You might tell her what my mother (who's not a CLW kind of person) told me-- two year olds, for the most part, do not wean. 14 month olds wean and 40 month olds wean, but kids rarely stop between 22 and 40 months. I can't imagine what kind of trouble it would be to try to wean my two year old-- I have a hard time getting him to wait five seconds while I move his sister.







:LOL

That is very interesting! My dd weaned at almost 21mo (I was pg again) but ds at almost 20mo shows NO signs of weaning anytime soon. So I'll plan on nursing till he's four. LOL









clarify: I mean I'll figure as though he won't wean until 4yo or after.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Hey All!

I haven't checked in in a long long while. So glad to see another CLW threadup and going strong. DS will be four in a couple of weeks and we're still going. I wonder what new enlightenments this year will bring to our nursing relationship.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy*
You might tell her what my mother (who's not a CLW kind of person) told me-- two year olds, for the most part, do not wean. 14 month olds wean and 40 month olds wean, but kids rarely stop between 22 and 40 months. I can't imagine what kind of trouble it would be to try to wean my two year old-- I have a hard time getting him to wait five seconds while I move his sister.







:LOL

I can totally see this! What sense it makes! I could have much more easily imagined weaning DS at 14 months than between 2 and 3. Not that I considered it at either time, but all the same. I do seem to think that right around the third birthday was the last real nursing intensity we've endured, but since things have slowed way down (he'll be four in two weeks). We have had some actual dialog about weaning (his initiative, not mine), and I could very well imagine pushing the weaning process at this time if I felt the need to. Um, but I don't so... here we go. Year five.









The best to all,
Em


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## Girl Named Sandoz (Jul 16, 2002)

We are doing CLW too. My son is 2 years 3 months. I love reading this tread & all the support here.


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## tiffani (May 17, 2002)

I finally weaned my 4.5 yo after tandem nursing for 2.5 years when my resentment over having to nurse her back to sleep 4 or 5 times a night outgrew her need and it was the right decision for us -- she started sleeping soundly all night within a week or so, and my patience with her returned.

I came here today for nursing support, and after reading through your posts today I'm encouraged to stick it out with my 3.25 yo -- how could I resist his comment last night that he was going to "have boobie with all my heart and love"







The problem is when he wants to have boobie for three straight hours in the morning and anytime my butt touches a seat, and pretty much anytime there is a lull in activity.
when any of you had kids at this stage, did you find it more helpful to succumb or to be more firm in setting limits? I feel like right now I'm trying to set limits and he's getting insecure about it (secretly I'm wishing he'd wean on his own soon, but I'm not holding my breath







) and I'm not sure what to do -- he's just insanely persistent right now, mostly in the morning, and I'm not sure what the best way to deal with it is. It makes it really hard to get going in the morning (which, because we're homeschooling isn't very early or very often, but sometimes I'd like to get out of the house before noon!) and most mornings we can't get out of bed without tears and frustration.


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Just checking in...

I continue to nurse my 2.5 year old and almost 4.5 year old ... and we're ttc!







I'm so excited! I won't mind tandem nursing through pregnancy again....it was WONDERFUL last time!

Wednesday is Alex's 6th birthday ... and the one year anniversary of his (self)weaning! He can't believe it's been a whole year since he nursed. He even mentioned "un-weaning" on his birthday, which was his plan when he was around 5 years and 2 months old when he started to miss nursing. I'm wondering if he'll give it a try again or not.....we shall see!

I'll try to catch up and post personals later...after I get the kids to bed, Christmas gifts made and wrapped, and a bit of housework done ... if the kids go to bed easily, if I have enough supplies for the gifts, if I can find the wrapping paper and if I have the energy left for housework...


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tiffani*
when any of you had kids at this stage, did you find it more helpful to succumb or to be more firm in setting limits? I feel like right now I'm trying to set limits and he's getting insecure about it (secretly I'm wishing he'd wean on his own soon, but I'm not holding my breath







) and I'm not sure what to do -- he's just insanely persistent right now, mostly in the morning, and I'm not sure what the best way to deal with it is. It makes it really hard to get going in the morning (which, because we're homeschooling isn't very early or very often, but sometimes I'd like to get out of the house before noon!) and most mornings we can't get out of bed without tears and frustration.

Is this normal, everday stuff or is your DS going through one of "those periods" right now. I can't quite tell from your post. My DS has gone through periods where nursing was clearly a priority in his life (growth spurt of the emotional kind usually) and I have indeed found that succumbing seems to get us through it more quickly and holding him off seemed only to perpetuate his need for nursing and nursing often. I haven't always handled it this way, but somewhere along the line I began to notice a pattern of huge nursing periods moving into a period of even less nursing than ever before... that whole 3 step forward, two steps back and then 4 steps forward and hold!









Hope this helps. Three hours in the morning is an awful lot and it's been sometime since DS has been through one of those so my perspective is one of hindsight rather than present time, i.e., it might be slightly warped...

Hang in there!


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## tiffani (May 17, 2002)

It's definately one of "those periods", and my attitude shift (brought on by the wisdom of MDC moms







) has helped a lot. He came in here a second ago, climbing on my head saying "boobie?boobie?boobie?" and I asked him to wait a minute for me in the living room and he ran off happily, which is a nice change. Just my change in mindset helped, it's amazing how in tune they are with our emotions, even when they seem totally oblivious!
thanks for the pep talk, embee, I'm ok now for another few months!
tiffani


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Glad to help, Tiffani! There is this great quote in Kids Are Worth It which I pull off the shelf and read whenever I feel _myself_ going through one of "those periods." I don't have it readily available, but something to the effect that no matter which way you look at it WE (parents) define the weather so to speak. It's our attitude that will set the tone for the day, the week, etc. Reading it is my own little peptalk to myself! Hang in there, mama. Glad you were able to get a little break today!


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Hi I haven't posted on this thread yet. It is so overwhelming, so many pages. I wish we had our own sub-forum (I REALLY don't understand why we can't). Anyways I wasn't able to nurse my son but my daughter will be self-weaning. She is 25.5 months old. I can't beleive we've made it this far with all we had to deal with (I am bfing after reduction surgery and had to use a lact-aid for 16 months). I don't believe in any form of weaning, including night weaning, so she still nurses 2-5 times a night and oh my goodness - at least 20 times a day! Usually more. She would just sit on the breast all day if she could. between 14-20 months or so she wasn't as into it. If we were out in public she would never ask. Now she's right back into it and doesn't care where we are, she wants to nurse. That's fine, I must be a weird person because I LIKE shocking people in public. We are in the process of adopting a baby boy from Haiti who will be between 6-18 months when he comes home and I plan to adoptive breastfeed as well. He won't be home until late 2005 so Liv will be 3, I'm sure I'll be tandeming. Anyways, question -is there anyone else who LOVES nursing and has no desire whatsoever to wean? Another question - why do people say I believe in some child-led weaning, or partial child-led weaning? Child-led means child led right? So why don't they just call it gentle weaning and leave it at that?


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly*
I LIKE shocking people in public.

:LOL I wish I was a little more like that.









That's great you'll be adoptive breastfeeding. If I ever adopt someday I'll definately do that.









Quote:

why do people say I believe in some child-led weaning, or partial child-led weaning? Child-led means child led right? So why don't they just call it gentle weaning and leave it at that?
I think they are afraid of being judged.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Hi there. I'm subscribed to this thread, but haven't posted anything till now. I need to have some support, cause I'm not really loving BFing my 2 year old these days. She definately is going for the 40 month nursing thing, and I always wanted her to nurse till she was done, but tandeming can be challenging (for me, anyways).

I have a younger baby as well so I am always nursing them. I feel like she (H) could just eat and drink, why feed off of me at every oppertunity? My younger one is so little compared with my 2 YO, and I guess I partly feel like my older one, comparetively, doesn't need the milk. She was at the 100%th percentile at one month, and has always been very big and healthy for her age.

I've been reserving one boob for her (right one) and one boob for the "baby" (left). S can have H's boob if her's is not very full. I'm always conscious of how much hindmilk and foremilk my little one is getting. SHe has never been a big nurser or pooper. I want her to nurse as long as possible, because she really seems to need it for her health.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Well I can't speak on the tandem part but I can give advice on one issue. My son was almost 22 months old when my daughter was born. All of a sudden he looked SO big to me. In retrospect I really pushed him to be grown up. I didn't think he should need me so much. He was bottle-nursed so held for every bottle plus I was rocking him to sleep 3 times a day. I admit I was resentful of the time he took away from the new baby. I really feel like I caused a lot of damage to him because now looking at my 2 year old (my youngest right now) I realize how much of a baby she still is. It is hard to see that when you have a wee one as well but when the 2 year old is the youngest you realize that 2 is still such a baby. Your 2 year old really DOES need to nurse that often. She is adjusting to a new baby and the loss of mommy's 100% attention. Add to that, 2 is still such a baby herself. Plus 2 year olds need a lot of time to touch base with mom because they are learning and doing so much, plus 2 is when they start becoming more inquisitive and in my daughter's case inquisitiveness leads to fears. She is nursing more now at 2 than she did at 1. Like I said I can't commiserate on the tandem issue but I hope my words of "wisdom"







have helped in some way. Keep up the good work!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Shawna, that is helpful. I have a really hard time thinking of my two year old as a baby-- he's such a person. He talks, he understands, he does so many things and his sister is still new enough at crawling that she goes over the edge of the bed without thinking about it. It's hard for me to think of him as a baby, doubly so because he's so bright and verbal.

But I suppose he is at that. A walking, talking baby. I'll have to think more about this... I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around things at the moment.


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## DecemberSun (Jul 6, 2003)

Hi all, can I join in?

My son just turned two, and he's still addicted to the "bobby". I am ready to wean as soon as he is, but it probably won't happen anytime soon. I'd like to hear from other mamas going through this, so I don't feel like I'm alone, so that's what I'm posting here.









When Zachary asks to nurse I usually see if he wants a drink of water, juice, milk, etc., or a snack, and if that doesn't work I "give in". We've had little chats about saying goodbye to the bobby, and that bobbies are for babies, and he needs to share the bobby with a baby (we're planning on TTC this spring), but DS doesn't like that idea, LOL. One time I told him that he could have one bobby and the baby could have the other one and he told me "No, is Daddy's bobby." :LOL Then I explained to him that Daddy would probably be willing to share.









Of course I love my baby more than anything, and I don't want to "scar" him or anything by taking away his comfort, but I am getting rather tired of being a human pacifier. I don't want him to grow up too fast either, so I guess it's a Catch 22... That's why I'm here I guess!

Hi to Rynna and Jasanna...


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

Rynna...I still consider my 2.5 year old my baby. She is my youngest. However, when my second ds was born, my older ds was only 19 months old, and he immediately stopped seeming like a baby to me (he was very verbal by then, was running around like crazy, into everything, etc.). I had to constantly remind myself that he's "just 19 months" or "just 2"....and that children his age usually have a very high need to nurse because of all they are going through developmentally.

DecemberSun...Welcome! It sounds like part of you wants to practice child-led weaning and part of you wants to do the leading. It's a tough place to be in. I hope you get the info and support you need here....this is a great bunch of mamas!!!


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## Rox5266 (Nov 26, 2004)

Hello, thought I'd join this thread after lurking for a while. I am doing CLW because I love my son so much and can't see ever taking away something he loves so much - he is 16 months now. I also am a WOHM mama and I see nursing as a special way to reconnect with him after a long, hard day at work.

He seems to be going through one of those times where he wants to nurse frequently, coming over to me when I am sitting down and grabbing at my shirt and trying to reach in and grab my boobs. I was glad to see this seems to be common with mommas doing CLW.

I am also getting pretty fed up with his twiddling! He is not gentle, twisting and pinching my nipple. I try my best to protect myself, but it is a battle of wills most off the time! I haven't figured out how to get him to stop nicely yet.

Anyway,I love this thread! Thank you ladies, all your info really helps!

Roxanne
Mom to Daniel 8/9/03


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rox5266*
I am also getting pretty fed up with his twiddling! He is not gentle, twisting and pinching my nipple. I try my best to protect myself, but it is a battle of wills most off the time! I haven't figured out how to get him to stop nicely yet.

My son stopped twiddling when I gave him someting else to do. Now, he likes to drive a matchbox car over my breast while he's nursing. :LOL Ah, the joys of a nursing toddler!


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Ok, everything I know about CLW tells me this isn't something I should read much into, but it's a first for us. DS hasn't asked to nurse in upwards of 4 days. You'd think after the gradual dropping off over the last year, I wouldn't be much noticing it, but honestly, I do feel in my heart that he might be headed in the weaning direction... The longest he's gone without is two days. Had to grab Mothering Your Nursing Toddler off the shelf and do some brush up. I flipped through the pages and there was actually a section on spontaneous holiday weaning?!

Anyway, it feels truly strange to have gone 4 days without nursing. Might I say, I feel a little sad, panicky? I know he's four but indeed, my baby and he's growing up. At any rate, I think we're into the on and off portion of the nursing show. 4 years and counting... but if he's ready, he's ready. Which is good. Bittersweet for me... but such an accomplishment for him. Honestly, as much as I've loved and embrace CLW, I did think I'd feel more relieved about heading toward weaning. I'm definitely more mixed feeling than I'd thought I'd be.

Thanks for the ramble. Feelings, thoughts, experiences?


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## callmemama (May 7, 2002)

Embee, I think that's where my 5yo and I are right now. He just turned 5 last month and a couple of weeks ago, he went almost a week without nursing. Then we talked about it (after I came here for advice!) because I didn't want to let our nursing relationship go without acknowledging it. He informed me that he hadn't stopped and when I told him it was normal and that all children did eventually, he replied "I might not!". Then he nursed every night for a week, and now once again he's missed several nights in a row. It is most definitely bittersweet, but I'm glad he's secure enough to feel ready or to at least experiment with some "dry spells"! Cold turkey would be hard on this mama, though!!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Embee

Dd would skip a day, then skip a few days, then skip a week, then go back to every day, then skip a week... I knew weaning was coming but I didn't know when. It wasn't a steady decline, it was more up and down. So, even though all children are different and wean in their own time, I wouldn't call it over yet. Even though your ds doesn't know what the future holds either, it does help to talk about it openly just to express yourselves (and help set a precendent for open communication once weaning does happen).

It is bittersweet. Nursing is something that has been such a huge part of our life together, it's hard to just let it go without conflicting feelings of joy and sadness. It's a cool rite of passage though, full of pride and satisfaction knowing that we survived the whole journey.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Thank you both so much for your insights and support. As it turn out, DS awoke in the night (bad dream) and guess what? "I want to nunny." It was less than 30 seconds, but I cherished it dearly, knowing that we may well be on the on and off again road...

*sigh*

The best,
Em


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Thank you everyone for just *being* I really needed to check in on here after reading the "need help weaning" thread. MDC is supposed to be my CLW "safe" place, kwim?









Anyway


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Let me ask a question - do they eventually sleep through the night? Anybody? Anybody? Olivia is almost 26 months and she still wakes at least 3 times a night, often much more. We don't co-sleep, she is in a twin bed in her own room so I either nurse her in our bed and then take her back to bed or nurse her laying down in her bed and then sneak out. She falls back asleep quickly, that's not a problem. Its just the amount of times she is up! I have been having really bad problems falling asleep because I am laying there in anticipation of her waking up. She has been waking up right when I fall asleep and now I can't sleep. Last night I couldn't fall asleep until after she woke the first time at 12:30 am. I nursed her and left her room at 12:40 am. I had to take some melatonin to fall asleep. She woke again at 2:10 and I was just so exhausted I marched her back to bed, told her she did not need to nurse and left. Surprisingly she didn't cry and went back to sleep. Just to say I normally do not ever say that but I was just so tired. Anyways she slept until 5:40 which is good for her as she has been waking every 15-20 minutes from 4:00 am onwards. I nursed her back to sleep at 5:40 and she went back to sleep until 7:00 am! Normall she wakes for the day at 6. Anyways she went 5 hours without nursing. i can deal with that, I just need some solid sleep. I am a basket case, I can't play or be patient with the kids like I want because I am exhausted!


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## callmemama (May 7, 2002)

My ds nightweaned on his own at 2.5 years. We <still> co-sleep. When he was waking to nurse at night, it really helped! But to each his own.







I know all kiddos are different and there are some on here that haven't nightweaned by 3.5, and some that have chosen to gently nightwean. I hope you find the support ... and sleep! ... that you need! This too shall pass.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Yes, Tired, that one made me sad too.







16 months old?







: Anywho...

Funny you should ask that Heavenly. I started a thread a couple of months ago that natural nightweaning *does* eventually happen. :LOL DD stopped night nursing completely on her own at 3 years old. If you could find that thread you can read some other replies of the ages other people's children night weaned on their own.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

My dd was so weird, she was sleeping through the night pretty much starting at 2 weeks old and was 99% nightweaned at that point. Talk about uncomfortable boobies in the morning! She also weaned on her own at almost 21 months.

Ds on the other hand... he still wakes up, once or twice a night I think. We cosleep so I just roll over so he can latch on and I go back to sleep! It usually doesn't bother me, so nightweaning isn't a big thing for me... but if it was affecting my sleep I know I'd have different feelings about it.

I still feel sad that dd weaned so "early". Not early by cultural standards, but early by CLW standards. :LOL


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TiredX2*


















Thank you everyone for just *being* I really needed to check in on here after reading the "need help weaning" thread. MDC is supposed to be my CLW "safe" place, kwim?









Anyway

















I was avoiding that thread but finally just went and read it. Does she even know this is _Mothering_?









(sorry mods, I know we're not supposed to talk about other threads, but better here than there, yeah?)


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

I avoided that thread...I just can't deal with it right now!









Natural nightweaning .... yes, it does happen. When depends on the child. My first self-nightweaned at around 12 months old, my second at 18-19 months, and my third is 2.5 years old and continues to night nurse several times a night. I may have a different view of nightweaning than others ... to me nightweaning is when they no longer nurse while *I'm* sleeping. I don't include nursing to sleep or nursing right before I get out of bed.

Speaking of nursing...my two nurslings are requesting that we watch a Little House on the Prairie DVD (my b-day gift to myself!) and nurse.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

That is my view of nightweaning too. Dd nursed to sleep til she was 6yrs (almost 7), and she nursed upon waking at dawn for I don't remember how many years but it was at least til 4 or 5.








I LOVED Little House of the Prairie! It's on tv sometimes but I can't seem to figure out when.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

I love Little House too. Mmmm, Michael Landon!







Okay, I just embarrassed myself, but he always seemed so wholesome. KWIM?

Back ON-topic, I looked for the aforementioned thread. I wanted to respond in a good way, but couldn't even think of anything to say since she obviously intends to wean.


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

Can we find a creative way to link us to that thread? Perhaps a pm? I am curious, kind of like a carwreck curiousity, kind of way.







:

All of you are so wonderful! I had a few road bumps with family and bfing this holiday season. I have found my balance and dd is thriving because of it, she is so healthy! All of the kids in our families are sick with 'holiday flu' and dd is just cruising along. She rocks!

Thanks to all for you continued support!


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

I am not planning on nightweaning, I believe in full child-led weaning. But I am trying to see if she will go to sleep without it in the middle of the night. I figure if I say go back to sleep sweetie and she does without a word then she didn't really need it. I don't count nursing to sleep or nursing early morning night-nursing. Actually I don't really consider it night nursing until I'm asleep. So if she wakes up 10:30 pm and I'm not in bed yet that's not night nursing to me. Hopefully tonight will be more restful.

I totally agree on the weaning thing. I know its not nice to judge but it is so hard when I hear of babies so young being weaned. At 16 months Olivia was still such a little baby. She was still nursing like an infant, she'd only started solids a couple of months before.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

I had no idea people defined night weaning as not nursing to sleep or upon morning waking either! Wow, that's really sad to me. I always thought it just meant not nursing *during* the night.

mountain mom,

I think it's called need weaning tips and is in this forum.

Also, I'm glad to hear your dd is doing well and that you guys made it through the holidays with the families.


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

Thanks Mama all Natural and BusyBusyMommy for the info.

Man, if dd didn't nurse to sleep or in the early hours of the am before getting out of bed, we would pretty much be done! She only asks for boob many 1 time in 7 days during the day. She is really connected at night before bed and just as we awake.

I really think that this is her attachment to dreamtime or the spiritual world that brings her to the breast. To deny that for her would be awful for her and for me. She is angelic at these times. She is completely at peace with her creator and its beautiful to see. I wish this for all the woman who nurse their little angels!

We are at 37 months and proud of it!

Plus on a logical note, bedtime is mostly a happy time, a loving time, a time for her and I to connect. I never have to encourage her bedtime, she does. It is simple a beautiful thing.


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## ~*Cherimoya*~ (Jun 16, 2002)

Coming into this thread late, but I wanted to say that as many times as I have "planned" on weaning and said "this is the weekend" or "just night weaning", I always chicken out and decide that breastfeeding my 27 month old is one of the best ways for us to bond because he's such a busy kid and really enjoys our nursing time. When I think of weaning, I see his sweet little face when he's nursing to sleep or looking up at me while having a nip of milk and I realize that child led weaning is best for us...at this point. I know that things can change, but he's my last baby and I want to savor every moment and allow him to do so as well.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

I had no idea people defined night weaning as not nursing to sleep or upon morning waking either! Wow, that's really sad to me. I always thought it just meant not nursing *during* the night.








I consider "nightweaned" going 4-5 hours in a row.... having high need night nursers has really given me some low standards. Even with those standards, we're still not there with DS (39 months).


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2threenurslings*
Speaking of nursing...my two nurslings are requesting that we watch a Little House on the Prairie DVD (my b-day gift to myself!) and nurse.

Ah, LHotP. *sigh* What an excellent gift to yourself. My birthday is in a few short months and I just might treat myself too!







Of course, lately I've been tuning into the show in the am... I just turn on the last 10-15 minutes or so, have myself a good happy ending cry and move on with my day!









The best,
Em


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TiredX2*







I consider "nightweaned" going 4-5 hours in a row.... having high need night nursers has really given me some low standards. Even with those standards, we're still not there with DS (39 months).









me too!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

For all who haven't seen, there is a new Child Led Weaning forum!









Go there! I don't think we need to post here anymore.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

I JUST found it! WOOHOO!!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)




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