# Dr. Phil on co-sleeping



## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

I was wondering if anyone else saw the Dr. Phil show a couple days ago- there was a couple on who do AP, are vegan, EBF, don't immunize, and co-sleep- and he was actually very cool about it all- he said they obviously love their daughter and she is probably one of the healthiest kids around- he didn't agree with no-vax but felt it really is every parents decision to make! I was amazed at how accepting and enlightened this normally very mainstream man was!

I thought it was REALLY weird that the lady and her daughter co-slept but her husband had to sleep on the COUCH! Really odd kicking your husband out of bed. Dr. Phil brought this up and was like "Dad are you really ok with this- you aren't co-sleeping you're sleeping all alone on the couch!" I'm glad Dr. Phil addressed how negative this can be on a marriage when you put your kids above your relationship- "the most important gift you can give your kids is to let them see a healthy happy marriage/ relationship"- I agreed with him- and I normally don't agree with him at all.

I just thought it was great that he was so positive about natural family issues and didn't seem to think they are "weird hippies" for wanting a more natural lifestyle.

What did you guys who saw the show think? Does anyone honestly think it's ok for Dad to sleep on the couch while mom and the kids sleep in the bed?


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## mommyofshmoo (Oct 25, 2004)

I didn't see it, but I think the place people sleep depends on the age of a child. With a newborn, i think it's normal for people to do whatever is necessary.

With a toddler i think it makes sense to try to help them adapt to the needs of others. I'm suprised morepeople don't do the mattress on the floor thing- We played muscal beds for almost a year with me going back and forth between beds, but it helped my dd get the idea that mommy and daddy had a bed, and so did she, nomatter where we all slept.

That said, in plenty of other cultures, men and women don't have to sleep in the same bed to be considered happily married.

I do think that everyone deserves a bed- even if it's a futon or matress on the floor.


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Thank God Dr. Phil is coming around. I saw his website over a year ago, whiceh emphatically denounced cosleeping and was filled with erroneous advice such as "put a picture of mommy and daddy by the crib, so the baby knows you are there" or some such hogwash. I was so appalled at his website that I have not felt it worth the time to see his show, and I've been disgusted at his success.

However, it sounds like he's coming around -- perhaps enough people wrote it and got him to take a better look at the whole issue..? If he did, and he actually changed his position, then he deserves a lot of respect.


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## ryleeee (Feb 9, 2005)

no i don't think it's alright for dad to sleep on the couch.
what does no-vax mean? vaccinations?


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## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

I was pleasantly surprised too...I was cringing when they started the segment and was worried they'd paint the parents (as they tend to do on mainstream shows) as freaks...butit was actually pretty even-handed.

OT...I thought the parents did kind of overschedule the poor kid...someone could tell them they don't need to spend thousands to help their child develop. They were doing some great things, but I would have mentioned that Baby Einstein videos won't make their daughter a genius!


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## FancyPants (Dec 25, 2004)

Quote:

What did you guys who saw the show think? Does anyone honestly think it's ok for Dad to sleep on the couch while mom and the kids sleep in the bed?
Owing to the schedules we have been keeping - I'm up at 4:30 or 5 to nurse ds2 and DH can't calm down from his stressful 12-13 hr shift (3 days per week) until 2 am. It is better for him to stay on this shift (FIL watches the babes when I go to work from 6ish to 12ish weekdays). I sleep with Ds1 on a mattress in his room. He loves to have the company and is a very deep sleeper. DH goes to sleep in our room. I really like having an uninterrupted sleep and so does DH. If I sleep with DH he will come in and interupt me at 1:30 or 2 and I will then have to return the favor by getting out of bed at 4:30 or 5.


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## mamasoulsista (Dec 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ryleeee*
no i don't think it's alright for dad to sleep on the couch.
what does no-vax mean? vaccinations?


I'm really surprised by the opinions on where dad sleeps. IMO and my experience, where ever everyone gets the best sleep is what the arrangment should be.

I'm a SAHM and I don't want DS (22 months) waking up at 5:20am with an alarm clock everymorning. He is high-needs and will not sleep for more than 2 hours in a bed by himself (we've tried). we all haven't shared a bed since he was about 9 months old. Right now I'm 8 weeks pregnant and _I'm_ sleeping in a different room so that I'm not night nursing and losing sleep.

Back to Dr. Phil, I saw most of that segment and I really wasn't sure what the "problem" was... Their life choices were similar to a lot of ours at MDC, and they seemed comfortable with their choices, so what was left for Dr. Phil to say?? The only issue that he really seemed to help them with, is trusting that their mom wouldn't sabotage their vegan diet if she babysat their daughter. Maybe I missed more information, but that's what I walked away with.

Also, Dr. Sears was supposed to be on Dr. Phil about 3 weeks ago. However, it was scheduled to air the same day as the innauguration, so of course it wasn't shown. Keep an eye out for that re-run. Should be interesting to hear their opinions on co-sleeping, EBF, etc.

Joey


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## catgirl1007 (Feb 9, 2005)

I saw it too and was also pleasantly surprised. My DH starts out sleeping with me & DD, but he eventually leaves because he snores and it drives me crazy.







He slept in our guest bedroom on occasion before DD was born, so it's really no difference for us.

Quote:

Also, Dr. Sears was supposed to be on Dr. Phil about 3 weeks ago. However, it was scheduled to air the same day as the innauguration, so of course it wasn't shown. Keep an eye out for that re-run. Should be interesting to hear their opinions on co-sleeping, EBF, etc.
I saw this one. Dr. Phil comes on at 3pm CST where I live. I was totally irritated by it. It was one of Dr. William Sears' sons (don't know which one) and he didn't get as much air time as the anti-co-sleeper-psycho-babble-idiot. I can't remember the details about it, but it really did irk me, and Dr. Phil wasn't very supportive of the co-sleeping situation on that episode. That's why I was surprised at his response to the most recent one.


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## kirei (Dec 2, 2004)

I wouldn't think it's okay for dad to sleep on the couch either. If thats what works for other people, then by all means -- but for me, I simply can't imagine sleeping in different beds. I think its just a really significant part of our intimacy, and something we both need and want. I really like that all of us sleep together.

Riley, yeah, no-vax is no vaccinations.


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## EveningGrace (Oct 20, 2004)

There was a post here a while back titled "you and DH - separate beds?" - in which a lot of people responded that there actually *are* people in situations where the mother (or father) is sleeping with their DC's in different rooms than their spouse. I was amazed to see how many people responded to that post (me included







: ) -- I think people should sleep where they can get the best, most restful sleep.....and if that happens to be in a separate room from your spouse, so be it (although don't get me wrong - I want our situation to be TEMPORARY, until DD starts sleeping better - ugh; but that's a different post altogether







).....


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## bethwl (May 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamasoulsista*
Back to Dr. Phil, I saw most of that segment and I really wasn't sure what the "problem" was... Their life choices were similar to a lot of ours at MDC, and they seemed comfortable with their choices, so what was left for Dr. Phil to say?? The only issue that he really seemed to help them with, is trusting that their mom wouldn't sabotage their vegan diet if she babysat their daughter. Maybe I missed more information, but that's what I walked away with.

I think the problem was that they were so paranoid that any second spent away from their daughter could result in her being harmed. The mother said something to the effect of "I watch her like a hawk," implying that she wouldn't ever get hurt if the mother was around, but might if she left her with the MIL. Kids can get hurt when the parents are right there and it doesn't mean the parents are negligent. Also, I thought Dr. Phil made a good point when he said "What if she goes to school and she's a great kid, but she's just average?" And the parents admitted they'd be disappointed. That's a lot to saddle your kid with--the expectation that they be "exceptional." How about just letting them be exceptional in your eyes because they are your child rather than worrying about being smarter, more athletic, healthier, prettier, what have you than everyone else? The hovering and the pressure to be perfect are going to affect that girl when she gets older, I think if it continues she'll feel smothered and resentful. But she's young enough now that they could examine what's behind their drive for her to be perfect and let go of it before she's old enough for it to cause harm. They can continue on with all the AP practices and that's great, but they really need to let go of the "we're raising a superchild" attitude. IMO.

Beth


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

I agree, the whole "raising a superchild" angle was kind of weird. For all the research they seemed to have done, they really missed the boat on the TV watching - do they really think Baby Einstein videos are going to make their DD smarter?

But I liked what Dr. Phil said about vaxing - not just that it was a decision every parent needed to make for themselves, but he even went so far as to say that there is some compelling evidence out there that supports not vaxing.







I just about fell off the couch when I heard him say that, lol.


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## Zootiegurl (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EveningGrace*
There was a post here a while back titled "you and DH - separate beds?" - in which a lot of people responded that there actually *are* people in situations where the mother (or father) is sleeping with their DC's in different rooms than their spouse. I was amazed to see how many people responded to that post (me included







: ) -- I think people should sleep where they can get the best, most restful sleep.....and if that happens to be in a separate room from your spouse, so be it (although don't get me wrong - I want our situation to be TEMPORARY, until DD starts sleeping better - ugh; but that's a different post altogether







).....

This is certainly true in my case. It is the best situation where ds and I will move into ds's room to sleep at night. Right now my poor dh is sleeping on the couch. DS is going through a lot of changes right now and is teething so he wakes up during the night all the time. Which means none of us sleep well! My husband works in a job that requires him to be alert or he could be seriously injured if he is not, so sleep is important. So, some situations do require that parents need to sleep separately with their dc. Its not by choice! We would all rather be in the same bed. Hopefully in the future we can do that again, but right now, it just isn't possible.....

Oh and I'm glad that Dr. Phil lightened up about co-sleeping!!


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

My DH does sleep in bed with us, but I wouldn't consider it a problem at all if he did not. I don't see how where we all sleep relates to the quality of our relationship. Just as forcing baby to sleep in a crib is a cultural thing, so is assuming parents must sleep together to have a good relationship. In traditional Japanese culture the mother and children all sleep together, while the father sleeps in another room. .

Furthermore, I _disagree_ with this quote, "the most important gift you can give your kids is to let them see a healthy happy marriage/ relationship". Saying that is saying that parents who were never married to begin with or who can't work it out aren't giving their kids "the most important gift". The most important gift you can give your kids is love - period. I do think having a healthy relationship is important, but it's definitely not the MOST important!!!


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