# I feel like a jerk complaining, but I had a terrible mother's day



## Green Eyes (Apr 10, 2009)

My husband and daughter are usually pretty considerate (especially my husband) but we are trying to buy a house right now and we are all stressed. My husband is particularly tense since he _hates_ _any_ debt, and it's blowing his mind that we will have a mortgage!

Things started badly on Saturday when husband said we would go out to eat brunch that day and avoid the crowds on Sunday. I said I would rather eat out dinner (I love breakfast and don't mind cooking it; but I am very tired of planning and cooking dinner every night.) We all had a light breakfast and went grocery shopping and ran some errands, we were all starving at 3:00 so we decided to go get something to eat.

Where should we go? I _really_ wanted to go to a particular mexican place, but husband said that's not good since it's cafeteria-style and he wanted the waitress to bring our food... so we went to a place that serves breakfast all day. It's a very nice little cafe but the waitress completely ignored me, she took my husband's order then our daughter's, then finally mine. She brought their drinks first. She gave them their food right away; later she gave me mine. I joked to my husband that I was feeling really slighted and that he should leave her a very average tip for the average service, but she was really chatty with him and ended up talking to him for a while and he is a nice guy and was really friendly to her.









My husband asked casually if I wanted to see the new Star Trek movie, and I said sure, and suddenly we are planning to see the movie the next day. And then said that I'm not his mother and he doesn't see why he has to do stuff... that our daughter should be the one making the day special! So he didn't buy me flowers or anything, and he didn't warn her ahead of time that he wasn't going to do anything for me. And since she was having a "me me me" day I was feeling REALLY unappreciated.









Since I was now making dinner Sunday, I thought I should try to make it special, so Saturday night I cooked ribs and made the BBQ sauce so I wouldn't have to do it all on Sunday.







I was up until after midnight cooking.

Sunday, I believe they forgot it was mother's day since nobody said anything nice to me (or wished me happy mother's day) until the afternoon. First thing that morning, daughter asked her dad if she could watch dvds and he said okay, so she grabs her blanket and stretches out on the sofa in front of the tv while I made everyone's breakfast, and served it to them (husband was on the loveseat reading stuff on his laptop in the living room).

Since there was no place for me to sit in the living room, I ate breakfast by myself at the kitchen table, then I worked some more on the BBQ dinner for that night. But I had to rush since we needed to get to the movie theatre. The movie was more than two hours long, and I was getting very stressed that I wouldn't have dinner ready until very late, so I wanted to get home, but our daughter wanted to buy (with her money) the bat Webkenz since her account is about to expire, so we went to the mall searching the stores for her bat.

No luck, so husband said to drop them off downtown to look for it while I go home and work on dinner. I told them that we could look for that another time, and let's all go home. But they were gone for several hours while I cooked. They got back just as it started raining and I had to start the BBQ, so I sat outside in the rain alone watching the fire (charcoal BBQ).









When I finally served dinner and was exhausted and angry. I wasn't expecting much but I did hope to be treated like I was appreciated for one day.







Our daughter had been a real pain all weekend, being really rude and unhelpful. Husband didn't make things any better by catering to her.







I know he was trying to keep things peaceful since we are all under a lot of stress, but my protests were ignored.

If anybody had asked me (which they didn't) what I wanted to do on mother's day, I would have said, "Let's get all the errands done on Saturday so we can stay home Sunday and hang out with each other. We can play Scrabble and watch a movie, put a fire in the fireplace, and when we get hungry go out and pick something up or have it delivered. I would really love to have a day to play with my husband and daughter, and not have to worry about making dinner or cleaning up."

I feel like a cad complaining. Husband thought he did okay, he took me out to eat and to a movie. But nobody listened to what I wanted, and the stupid day made me feel more unappreciated than ever.


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## mompy (Dec 30, 2008)

That sounds SUCKY!!!! I'm sorry you had such a crappy weekend.

Maybe next time you could make your wishes a bit clearer? Like telling them what you want to do for mother's day . . . asking for help with some stuff . . . telling your DD to move the heck over so you can sit on the couch and eat breakfast there too like a member of the family.

And hey, just remember--father's day is in a month or two, and payback's a bitch! lol!


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## Green Eyes (Apr 10, 2009)

Thanks for the support (and for reading all that!). I usually BBQ on father's day, and make his favorite dessert, either cheesecake or key lime pie, but this year we are going to eat out! You are right, no work for me this father's day!

Our daughter wants to do mother's day over, so she is going to throw a party (for the two of us) after school today. Just the thought of her wanting to do something special for me has made me feel tons better.


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## mompy (Dec 30, 2008)

Good for her! That sounds like it will be special for both of you.









Yeah, I think for father's day you should insist on the cafeteria-style mexican place--mwaaa haaa haaaa!







Seriously, I'm just kidding about being totally evil--but I also wouldn't kill myself for him on father's day if he doesn't think mother's day is a big deal.


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## joyfulgrrrl (Jun 8, 2006)

That sounds pretty rotten.

Next year, I would write them a note telling them exactly what I wanted to do on Mother's day. There's nothing wrong with bringing it to their attention and letting them know how you feel - you deserve to have a great day









I'm not big on MD, and did most of the cooking that morning for our family brunch, but DH watched the wee baby so I could go shopping alone for a half hour for my gift. I was kind of annoyed that I had to shop it myself, but to go without little kids, and to hvae permission to get myself something instead of feeling guilty for spending the $ when I'm on mat leave and not making much, was pretty priceless at teh end of it all.

Hugs, and hope your make up day is lovely!


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

That sounds sucky.







It's really sweet that your daughter wants a do-over.

I forgot to check your sig to see if it's mentioned there, but how old is she? I found your DH's comments about how he shouldn't have to do anything for you, just his own mom, on mother's day really odd. Did you remind him of all you do for him on father's day? For me, it's about showing your appreciation for the parent that your spouse is, as well as showing appreciation for your own parents. Also, when kids are young, a parent's role (IMO) is to teach them how to treat people on holidays, so he should be modeling what it looks like to show appreciation for you on mother's day -- help her make a card, make dinner, or whatever.

My normally very considerate, thoughtful DH dropped the ball this mother's day too, so I can totally understand how you feel (and can understand why you feel like a jerk for complaining -- I kept starting and then deleting a very similar thread to yours!). But it's okay to vent, even if it's about little stuff. I'm still going to do nice stuff for my DH on father's day -- he is a wonderful dad, and I think he deserves special acknowledgement for that, even if he did act dense about mother's day.


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

I'm sorry your day sucked, you DH should have let you pick where you wanted to eat, who cares if there is a waitress or not? It sounds like there was lots of communication not happening there, maybe next year you should be a little more clear on what you want and ask your DH to help out your DD with a gift, that was the really crappy part if you ask me.
My mother's day weekend was spent like this:
Wake up early Saturday morning, drive 3.5 hours to mom's house, mom watches DD while DH and I go to the movies (the good part), back to mom's house. Take mom, grandma, aunt and sister out to dinner ($150 bill plus $50 spent on their gifts) and then back to her house for cake. Drive an hour to aunt's house where we spend the night, finally get DD to bed at 11 pm. Wake up at 7:45 Sunday morning with DD. Leave Aunt's house at 11, run over to other grandma's house to give her a card/gift, back in the car again, drive 1 hour to StepMIL's house, take her out to lunch (another $60 bill plus $30 spent on her gift), get back in car drive 3.5 hours back home. Eat candy for dinner. Get DD bathed and in bed. Realize I never called my mom that day, call her at 9, she doesn't answer which means she is mad at me for not calling her on mother's day even though we spent the previous night celebrating with her. Surf internet, watch desperate housewives, go to bed. Time spent driving - 9 hours, time spent having fun - 2 hours (at the movies)


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Oh my you sound like me...as in the little details are what bugs you. Just tiny things like the waitress ignoring you or not going to the right restaurant....







: I would have melted down lol

DH always says I could deal with the world ending but not if I'm wearing the wrong clothes.


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## gabysmom617 (Nov 26, 2005)

That sounds extremely crappy. You should let him read what you wrote and how you felt. (Not necessarily here, but just print what you wrote.) He needs to see how jerky he was, and you need to communicate how you felt.


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## Green Eyes (Apr 10, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear that others had a crappy day, too. I really appreciate your support.

Daughter just turned 11, so she is old enough to do something, for sure. I know she was counting on him doing something, too, he didn't say anything ahead of time.

I believe the reason he's being weird about flowers or anything is because of the upcoming mortgage. It has taken him SEVEN YEARS to decide we should buy, this is after years of research, watching the stock market(s), and many hours he spent doing spreadsheets, etc. etc. He is terrified of debt and he's kind of wigging out about it... flowers cost money. Oh yeah, at the movie theatre he said we couldn't get popcorn (although it was lunch time) because he didn't have enough cash on him so I got the popcorn and used the debit card. See, he's wigging out about the money now.









I guess I should have spoken up more but things are so tense right now, and I wanted everyone to have a good time, and I didn't want to be a jerk by insisting that we do what I want.

Mainly I just wanted them to be nice to me and considerate for a day, and to make me feel appreciated. That doesn't cost anything.

You are all making me feel better, thank you!


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Green Eyes* 
Mainly I just wanted them to be nice to me and considerate for a day, and to make me feel appreciated. That doesn't cost anything.

You are all making me feel better, thank you!

Aww. Can you talk to him about the day you really wanted (zero dollar, so it won't trigger his money anxiety) and maybe do it next weekend?


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## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

if you look up my posts' you will find that I had a not so great birthday once.

Sorry you were not appreciated. Your daughter sounds great.


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## gabysmom617 (Nov 26, 2005)

As moms, sometimes we get extremely selfless and do and do and do for other people during a time when they should really be doing for us. I find that I often get ignored if I don't speak up forcefully sometimes. I would sit around with stuff festering inside of me thinking that my husband "should know" what I wanted, or that I shouldn't "want" what it is that I want, so trying to pretend like I'm not bothered, and trying to be generous and uncomplaining. Then I become a volcano (not always good) and just erupt with arguements telling my husband off about how my feelings were overlooked. Often times he apologizes because he just didn't realize.

You can't really blame some one who doesn't *know* you feel slighted. Even if you think they should know, sometimes they don't. You have to s.p.e.l.l. things out for some guys sometimes. When you do, if they are understanding and open, things can get better.


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

Well I've now had two Mother's Days ignored by my DH who has the same attitude as yours - that I'm not his mother so he doesn't need to do anything for me. But my DD is now 16 months old, so I'm not holding my breath for anything from her either
















Mothering's a generally underappreciated job - it sucks not to get any appreciation even on the one day you might reasonably expect it!


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## Ackray (Feb 11, 2004)

That's crappy. Sorry your Mother's Day sucked.


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## JD5351 (Sep 13, 2008)

s

I'm sorry you had such a bad day.

And it is his job to make you a happy mother's day...He MADE you a mother, right?


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## pinksprklybarefoot (Jan 18, 2007)

I'm sorry that your Mother's day was crappy. I guess you're off the hook for anything special for Father's Day.


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

You know, last year we had a "nice" mother's day. We stayed here, didn't go visit family, instead we went to the zoo which is what I wanted to do. All I *really* wanted was a nice day where we didn't fight or get snippy, and of course that happened, and it is all I can remember about the day a year later. Doesn't that suck? One of these years we'll get a nice day.


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## RoseDuperre (Oct 15, 2007)

I'm sorry you had a crap day. Mine was less than stellar too. I did get to get out of the house for about 4 hours of solo time, yay, and during that time, vacuuming and mopping happened, doubleyay.

But no gift (not such a big deal), no card or even a "Happy Mother's Day" (hey!) and he actually asked ME for a shoulder rub (now, come the hell on).


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Well, if you're not his mother and he doesn't have to do anything for you on mothers day, then doesn't the same logic apply to fathers day?

I'm sorry it was such a rough day! That really stinks. Next year, they should be the ones cooking the BBQ!!


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I'm sorry







I had a crappy mothers day too- not because of my hubby and kiddos but because of other people I'm related to







So Sorry!!!


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## Mama~Love (Dec 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thyra* 
Well, if you're not his mother and he doesn't have to do anything for you on mothers day, then doesn't the same logic apply to fathers day?

I'm sorry it was such a rough day! That really stinks. Next year, they should be the ones cooking the BBQ!!










ITA. So sorry you had a bad weekend







. Just remember Father's Day is coming up next month, so I'd just not plan anything special for him either.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I do not understand why some men act like this about Mother's Day. I asked my husband and he also puzzled by the, "you are not my mother, so why should I do anything for you", sentiment. His dad always did for MIL. He has always done something for me, even if it is helping our boys to do something for me. I do the same on Father's Day.

This does not mean that we don't do anything for our mothers (and our dads before they died). On the contrary. But, we make sure to do something special for the most important mother/father in our lives ~~ each other.

For cripes sake, mothers are the ones who usually do without, give give give, do for everyone, including their husband's parents/family of origin, and put up with a lot of crap. Why can't ONE lousy day be about us. Just one.

OP, I have to ask. Does he expect to be treated like a king on Father's Day? Regardless, make sure that you do what you want to do on Father's Day. Do not even mention it to him. If/when he whines, say, "Well YOU are not MY father." Maybe he will "get" it.


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## Mama~Love (Dec 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
I do not understand why some men act like this about Mother's Day. I asked my husband and he also puzzled by the, "you are not my mother, so why should I do anything for you", sentiment. His dad always did for MIL. He has always done something for me, even if it is helping our boys to do something for me. I do the same on Father's Day.

This does not mean that we don't do anything for our mothers (and our dads before they died). On the contrary. But, we make sure to do something special for the most important mother/father in our lives ~~ each other.

*For cripes sake, mothers are the ones who usually do without, give give give, do for everyone, including their husband's parents/family of origin, and put up with a lot of crap. Why can't ONE lousy day be about us. Just one.

OP, I have to ask. Does he expect to be treated like a king on Father's Day? Regardless, make sure that you do what you want to do on Father's Day. Do not even mention it to him. If/when he whines, say, "Well YOU are not MY father." Maybe he will "get" it*.

Bolding mine. Yes, yes, yes! I wish it was a WEEK long, because everyone was actually nice to me for most of the day yesterday. Didn't last long







.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Green Eyes* 
Our daughter wants to do mother's day over, so she is going to throw a party (for the two of us) after school today. Just the thought of her wanting to do something special for me has made me feel tons better.










I'm glad to read this update, because your OP made me sad.

If your dh doesn't try to find out what you want to do next year, then I think you should just tell them ahead of time, "For Mother's Day this year, I want to do X, Y & Z". I've had to do that in the past (not this year, though - dh was _awesome_, as usual).

I don't think you sound like a jerk. Being a parent is a lot of work, and it _is_ nice to have a day where people make a special effort to show their appreciation...and it sucks if they don't do that...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AutumnAir* 
Well I've now had two Mother's Days ignored by my DH who has the same attitude as yours - that I'm not his mother so he doesn't need to do anything for me.

I don't get this at all. It's just so weird to me. What's wrong with a man showing appreciation for the _mother of his children_ on Mother's Day??

It doesn't have to cost a lot, either. Yesterday, dh got me some flowers, which was nice (we actually picked them out together, just so we'd have them on the table), and was the only thing that actually cost money. He gave me a whole body massage, with warmed oil. He got the kids to bring me breakfast in bed (nothing unusual, special, or expensive). He cooked dinner, and washed every dish in the house. Then, I chose a movie to watch in the evening, without any thought to what others would want to watch (we usually do movie nights by consensus). It was a _wonderful_ day and it didn't cost any money, except for the flowers.

Anyway - that was kind of OT. I just really don't understand the "you're not my mother" crap. No, I'm not dh's mother - but I'm the mother of his children, and the oldest is 6. How much could she do for me?


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## Green Eyes (Apr 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
...OP, I have to ask. Does he expect to be treated like a king on Father's Day?...

No, not at all, but I do nice stuff for him anyway. He is kind of cranky about holidays sometimes.

It's been a _really_ stressful couple of weeks for several reasons, he had a physical Friday and the doctor said he could tell husband was stressed because he had a scalloped tongue, on the edges. (I looked and have one, too, I think it's always that way.)

I believe he thought I wanted breakfast since he knows I like breakfast, the thought the nicest thing is to have a waitress, he thought going to a movie would be fun, etc. He just wasn't hearing me... maybe the stress was ringing in his ears.

GOOD NEWS!

Husband and I just talked on the phone and we are going to have a family day next Monday, it is a holiday! We are going to hang out together and play games, etc. And daughter is due home from school soon, I am hungry on purpose because she said she would make banana-peanutbutter-rollups for the party she is throwing for us the two of us.


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## emmalizz (Apr 14, 2009)

.


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## BellaClaudia (Aug 1, 2008)

I defenetely agree that fair is fair. I would expect him to do what you did on mothers day and I would speak up my mind a day or two before..
what he is expected to do and what I am not gonna do.
I think that man are acutaly only can understand feelings they experience.
some of them at least.

I am so sorry that you had bad mother's day. Mine sucked too.Best thing happened was a hug and kiss from my little daughter. It is all that mattered.


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## jojojojojo (Feb 4, 2009)

It's so sweet that your daughter wants to throw a party for you! I wonder if they talked about Mother's Day at school yesterday, and she realized that you didn't have a very special day. If so, that shows a lot of maturity on her part, and you should be proud.

Have fun this afternoon!


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## steelmagnolia9 (May 4, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AutumnAir* 







Mothering's a generally underappreciated job - it sucks not to get any appreciation even on the one day you might reasonably expect it!









:

Sorry you're day was so bad, but at least your daughter has tried to correct it. My day sucked, too! Mother's Day has been rough the past few years since I lost my mom almost 5 years ago, and we lost our first daughter at the age of 4 just over 2 years ago. But, this year we have a new baby girl, and I thought I'd finally have a nice M Day again. My husband returned from a business trip Sunday morning and didn't even tell me "Happy Mother's Day" until hours later. Then, I was instructed by my uncle that we were doing a BBQ at my grandmother's that evening and I needed to make all the sides as my grandmother should not be expected to do anything on M Day! Hello? Since when is she the only mother in the family?!







:


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Sorry to hear about your day.







Mine wasn't so great either. But atleast the kids and DH did make breakfast for me. Mine wasn't so good for other reasons.

These are for you...








:


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *steelmagnolia9* 
Then, I was instructed by my uncle that we were doing a BBQ at my grandmother's that evening and I needed to make all the sides as my grandmother should not be expected to do anything on M Day! Hello? Since when is she the only mother in the family?!







:









wow. I would have been very upset to do that. DH wanted us to visit his mom and she said she specifically wanted strawberry shortcake and ofcourse I was expected to go to the store and get all the stuff for it. But DH surprised me and drove up there with me to get it all, something he's never done before. But every year I usually end up doing something for my MIL and forget about me for the most part. In fact, we spent most of our afternoon visiting with her.


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Green Eyes* 
I feel like a cad complaining. Husband thought he did okay, he took me out to eat and to a movie. But nobody listened to what I wanted, and the stupid day made me feel more unappreciated than ever.









I'd be upset too! I think you could honestly tell him exactly what you want for next mother's day just before it happens. Men don't do well with hints, I find that some need it just spelled out. I tell DH exactly what I want to do. This one is over and done, nothing can change it. But, IMHO you should be the one to pick what you want to do!

Here I just wanted the girls to have fun, wanted to go out a bit, have a break from the babe. DH watched the boys while I went out with the girls. I also got a takeout dinner...I probably wouldn't have gotten as much food, but I went along with DH on that one! Plus did have some leftovers to eat yesterday for lunch.

I wound up SHOPPING...for both FUN, and practicality. I actually bought two new backpacks for DD's (on clearance for $3.99--score for next year), and DH's father's day gifts. I also bought some sheet sets that I needed. And, I splurged on some sheets I didn't really need that were cheap and good quality for the kids twin beds (well, we will definitley use them as our jersey knits I know will go bad in the next year or two).

I think with mother's day you just have to do what mom wants.

Here, I would actually be upset *if* DH sent me flowers. He could go out and pick flowers from outside with the kids...that would be fine. To me it's different.

Last year DH picked out a lovely plant, and planted it with the DDs...somehow I want to see the effort and thought...you know.

For last years father's day I bought DH a shellfish/lobster stainless set. Gave it to him with a fresh steamed lobster I made an excuse to go pick up!







He LOVED it! This father's day he's getting a stainless steel BBQ set AND a whole beef tenderloin!







I try to think of things he would absolutely love!


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## luv (Mar 20, 2007)

You're not alone. My hubby said at about 3pm "Uh today is Mother's day huh? Oops. I didn't get you anything."








:

I made it very clear that for Mother's Days to come I expect that he sit down with the kids for a few min and help them draw a picture or make a card or some other little momento. No store bought gifts, just a wee bit of time and perhaps some crayons.

He agreed.

We'll see what happens next year. I wont hold my breath.

-luv


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## bwylde (Feb 19, 2004)

Sounds like that sucked!

My kids said Happy Mother's Day and that was the extent of it. DH and DS fell sick so DH slept all day and I tended to DS while he was sick. I ate leftovers. My big indulgance was eating dark chocolate while I had a few free minutes while playing the Wii and the kids weren't bugging me. My birthday is in a couple of days and I don't expect it to be much better







:


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Yea, mine sucked too. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks that the advertising industry TOTALLY hijacked what was supposed to be a call to disarm from mamas who had lost their precious sons in the Civil War, a reminder to work for a more peaceful society and save the rest of us from having to endure the losses that they had to live with.

Maybe it's because my second son is more of a "boy" than a generic "baby" this year, but I felt so guilty about my failure to protect my adult son from the same darned brainwashing that killed those mamas' sons that I had to send his gf a MySpace message telling her to keep him away from me. He remembered it was Mother's Day and had plans to spoil me, but I just didn't think could be around him without wanting to rip his head off, and it's really not his fault for being a kid and believing the same darned advertising industry that has most of you believing that Mother's Day was created by the Hallmark Corporation for the purpose of selling greeting cards,

Mother's Day Proclamation by Julia Ward Howe, 1870

The anti-war Origins of Mother's Day

Usually i feel like i'm sharing a beautiful secret when I post links like that and that we can take the holiday back from Hallmark, FTD, and Russell Stover, but this year I'm just discouraged; if Anna Jarvis couldn't do it after spending her entire inheritance and the rest of her life on one, single, solitary cause, what ever made me think that I could?








:

As for a do-over, ds1 wants to be a :cop: so the only way he'd ever go to a protest with me on Mother's Peace Day would be if he was putting the cuffs on me and loading me into the paddy wagon--not exactly an unlikely scenario, of course, but not something to look forward to. I'm supposed to be happy the military didn't get him and I'm trying, I really am.....

No offense intended to military personell and LOAs in general, this just wasn't what I raised ds1 to want to do or a career that i think anyone should take on for his reasons ($$$) and Mother's Peace Day was intended to save your lives by creating a society that made your sacrifices unnecessary, not to be an advertisement for corporate merchandise.











































uke














:ba ng


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Green Eyes* 
My husband and daughter are usually pretty considerate (especially my husband) but we are trying to buy a house right now and we are all stressed. My husband is particularly tense since he _hates_ _any_ debt, and it's blowing his mind that we will have a mortgage!

Things started badly on Saturday when husband said we would go out to eat brunch that day and avoid the crowds on Sunday. I said I would rather eat out dinner (I love breakfast and don't mind cooking it; but I am very tired of planning and cooking dinner every night.) We all had a light breakfast and went grocery shopping and ran some errands, we were all starving at 3:00 so we decided to go get something to eat.

Where should we go? I _really_ wanted to go to a particular mexican place, but husband said that's not good since it's cafeteria-style and he wanted the waitress to bring our food... so we went to a place that serves breakfast all day. It's a very nice little cafe but the waitress completely ignored me, she took my husband's order then our daughter's, then finally mine. She brought their drinks first. She gave them their food right away; later she gave me mine. I joked to my husband that I was feeling really slighted and that he should leave her a very average tip for the average service, but she was really chatty with him and ended up talking to him for a while and he is a nice guy and was really friendly to her.









My husband asked casually if I wanted to see the new Star Trek movie, and I said sure, and suddenly we are planning to see the movie the next day. And then said that I'm not his mother and he doesn't see why he has to do stuff... that our daughter should be the one making the day special! So he didn't buy me flowers or anything, and he didn't warn her ahead of time that he wasn't going to do anything for me. And since she was having a "me me me" day I was feeling REALLY unappreciated.









Since I was now making dinner Sunday, I thought I should try to make it special, so Saturday night I cooked ribs and made the BBQ sauce so I wouldn't have to do it all on Sunday.







I was up until after midnight cooking.

Sunday, I believe they forgot it was mother's day since nobody said anything nice to me (or wished me happy mother's day) until the afternoon. First thing that morning, daughter asked her dad if she could watch dvds and he said okay, so she grabs her blanket and stretches out on the sofa in front of the tv while I made everyone's breakfast, and served it to them (husband was on the loveseat reading stuff on his laptop in the living room).

Since there was no place for me to sit in the living room, I ate breakfast by myself at the kitchen table, then I worked some more on the BBQ dinner for that night. But I had to rush since we needed to get to the movie theatre. The movie was more than two hours long, and I was getting very stressed that I wouldn't have dinner ready until very late, so I wanted to get home, but our daughter wanted to buy (with her money) the bat Webkenz since her account is about to expire, so we went to the mall searching the stores for her bat.

No luck, so husband said to drop them off downtown to look for it while I go home and work on dinner. I told them that we could look for that another time, and let's all go home. But they were gone for several hours while I cooked. They got back just as it started raining and I had to start the BBQ, so I sat outside in the rain alone watching the fire (charcoal BBQ).









When I finally served dinner and was exhausted and angry. I wasn't expecting much but I did hope to be treated like I was appreciated for one day.







Our daughter had been a real pain all weekend, being really rude and unhelpful. Husband didn't make things any better by catering to her.







I know he was trying to keep things peaceful since we are all under a lot of stress, but my protests were ignored.

If anybody had asked me (which they didn't) what I wanted to do on mother's day, I would have said, "Let's get all the errands done on Saturday so we can stay home Sunday and hang out with each other. We can play Scrabble and watch a movie, put a fire in the fireplace, and when we get hungry go out and pick something up or have it delivered. I would really love to have a day to play with my husband and daughter, and not have to worry about making dinner or cleaning up."

I feel like a cad complaining. Husband thought he did okay, he took me out to eat and to a movie. But nobody listened to what I wanted, and the stupid day made me feel more unappreciated than ever.

















My dh forgot to get my dds to do anything for Mother's Day too. He got his mother a card, but totally forgot about me.


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

Quote:

I had to send his gf a MySpace message telling her to keep him away from me. He remembered it was Mother's Day and had plans to spoil me, but I just didn't think could be around him without wanting to rip his head off
I say this gently, but I would really consider therapy, maybe meds....parents with good mental health don't do that kind of thing to their kids. I hope you see he (and the gf) deserve an apology. It doesn't matter how you see the holiday, if you don't want to celebrate it, just say so! Nicely!








to all the mamas who had a bad mother's day.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

my first mother's day we had a 3 week old baby, and not a lot of money, so i told DH all i wanted was a card. he forgot to get me one.







:

my Dh treats me like a queen most of the time, and he felt horrible.

the next mother's day we went out for a $200 dinner, then to see an opera ( (him in a tuxedo for the first time since our wedding







) to make up for the crappy first mother's day.

this mothers day we had another brand new baby, and it sucked. my toddler has a molar coming through and a brad new baby sister, and she had a really rough day. my DH was grumpy from lack of sleep, and they were feeding off each others frustrations.

i was close to taking the baby out by myself







but i didn't want to make dd1's day worse.

*sigh

i told DH i will require another super-mother's day next year to make up for this one.








s to all the mamas who didn't get their day.


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## Maeve (Feb 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Dragon* 
I say this gently, but I would really consider therapy, maybe meds....parents with good mental health don't do that kind of thing to their kids. I hope you see he (and the gf) deserve an apology. It doesn't matter how you see the holiday, if you don't want to celebrate it, just say so! Nicely!








to all the mamas who had a bad mother's day.


I agree. How sad.


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Dragon* 
I say this gently, but I would really consider therapy, maybe meds....parents with good mental health don't do that kind of thing to their kids. .

Why what a sweet thing for you to say! I don't think anybody has ever compared me to Alice Paul before!

COuragew in a woman is often mistaken for insanity








:


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 
Mother's Day Proclamation by Julia Ward Howe, 1870

The anti-war Origins of Mother's Day

Usually i feel like i'm sharing a beautiful secret when I post links like that and that we can take the holiday back from Hallmark, FTD, and Russell Stover, but this year I'm just discouraged; if Anna Jarvis couldn't do it after spending her entire inheritance and the rest of her life on one, single, solitary cause, what ever made me think that I could?

Many of us feel we can honor the pacifist origins of Mother's day, and also enjoy the opportunity to simply celebrate motherhood with our families. It isn't either/or. And the op clearly said it wasn't about hallmark, flowers, and spending money for her (or is it for me, but I admit I had a wonderful mother's day).

The history of MOther's day is timely and important, but, imo, would be more appropriately served in its own thread.


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## Maeve (Feb 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 
Why what a sweet thing for you to say! I don't think anybody has ever compared me to Alice Paul before!

COuragew in a woman is often mistaken for insanity








:


There's a difference between courage and being rude to your child who is just trying to do something nice.


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## glendora (Jan 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maeve* 
There's a difference between courage and being rude to your child who is just trying to do something nice.

Yeah, when you're imprisoned fighting for the rights of other mother's to be rude to their children, THEN maybe there will be some scant connection to Paul. As it is now, I'd compare it more to that guy in Forrest Gump that hits Jenny and blames it on LBJ.


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## Maeve (Feb 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glendora* 
*Yeah, when you're imprisoned fighting for the rights of other mother's to be rude to their children, THEN maybe there will be some scant connection to Paul.* As it is now, I'd compare it more to that guy in Forrest Gump that hits Jenny and blames it on LBJ.


I agree with the bolded part and







: to the rest.


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## sophiekat (Oct 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maeve* 
There's a difference between courage and being rude to your child who is just trying to do something nice.









:
frankly, it makes me sad that a child's attempt to show love would be so resoundly rejected. No matter how old the child that hurts and is entirely uncalled for in this situation.







:
OP, I know how you feel.







:


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Green Eyes* 
I'm sorry to hear that others had a crappy day, too. I really appreciate your support.

Daughter just turned 11, so she is old enough to do something, for sure. I know she was counting on him doing something, too, he didn't say anything ahead of time.

I believe the reason he's being weird about flowers or anything is because of the upcoming mortgage. It has taken him SEVEN YEARS to decide we should buy, this is after years of research, watching the stock market(s), and many hours he spent doing spreadsheets, etc. etc. He is terrified of debt and he's kind of wigging out about it... flowers cost money. Oh yeah, at the movie theatre he said we couldn't get popcorn (although it was lunch time) because he didn't have enough cash on him so I got the popcorn and used the debit card. See, he's wigging out about the money now.









I guess I should have spoken up more but things are so tense right now, and I wanted everyone to have a good time, and I didn't want to be a jerk by insisting that we do what I want.

Mainly I just wanted them to be nice to me and considerate for a day, and to make me feel appreciated. That doesn't cost anything.

You are all making me feel better, thank you!

I see it that it is the father's role to help the kids to make mothers day special. I told dh it is not 'Wives Day', but that he is in charge of organizing the kids.

I personally hate the flower delivery and going out for dinner/breakfast thing, as it seems to me that it takes so little effort and costs so much money, and does not give the children any opportunity to participate, except as guests at the table. I prefer a piece of toast lovingly buttered by my own preschooler's hands to a slap up breakfast in an expensive restaurant. And at 11, your dd is way too old to need much organizing. She and your dh should have talked the week before and made a plan of what they were going to do. And they should have done that with your preferences in mind. So, if flowers are important to you, they should have cut some flowers. If breakfast out is important, they should have pooled their spare cash and taken you out. Or if they really couldn't afford it, cooked you something really special. I recall a friend's partner laying a tablecloth on the floor of their teeny tiny kitchenette when they were first together and serving a breakfast picnic. It was so sweet, and a memory that she treasured forever. All it takes is some imagination and a little effort!

Next year I'd talk to them ahead of time and make sure that they have it in hand. I see it that your dh should be showing your dd what it means to be considerate and show appreciation. That doesn't need to cost money. Our mothers day cost virtually nothing, but the kids got a good experience in showing appreciation. They cut flowers from the garden and made cards and cooked breakfast together. That's enough for me. Lack of money is no excuse, imo.


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## hippiemommaof4 (Mar 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 
Yea, mine sucked too. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks that the advertising industry TOTALLY hijacked what was supposed to be a call to disarm from mamas who had lost their precious sons in the Civil War, a reminder to work for a more peaceful society and save the rest of us from having to endure the losses that they had to live with.

Maybe it's because my second son is more of a "boy" than a generic "baby" this year, but I felt so guilty about my failure to protect my adult son from the same darned brainwashing that killed those mamas' sons that I had to send his gf a MySpace message telling her to keep him away from me. He remembered it was Mother's Day and had plans to spoil me, but I just didn't think could be around him without wanting to rip his head off, and it's really not his fault for being a kid and believing the same darned advertising industry that has most of you believing that Mother's Day was created by the Hallmark Corporation for the purpose of selling greeting cards,

Mother's Day Proclamation by Julia Ward Howe, 1870

The anti-war Origins of Mother's Day

Usually i feel like i'm sharing a beautiful secret when I post links like that and that we can take the holiday back from Hallmark, FTD, and Russell Stover, but this year I'm just discouraged; if Anna Jarvis couldn't do it after spending her entire inheritance and the rest of her life on one, single, solitary cause, what ever made me think that I could?








:

As for a do-over, ds1 wants to be a :cop: so the only way he'd ever go to a protest with me on Mother's Peace Day would be if he was putting the cuffs on me and loading me into the paddy wagon--not exactly an unlikely scenario, of course, but not something to look forward to. I'm supposed to be happy the military didn't get him and I'm trying, I really am.....

No offense intended to military personell and LOAs in general, this just wasn't what I raised ds1 to want to do or a career that i think anyone should take on for his reasons ($$$) and Mother's Peace Day was intended to save your lives by creating a society that made your sacrifices unnecessary, not to be an advertisement for corporate merchandise.











































uke














:ba ng


well you should tell your son that as a prior service military member and a military wife now that we dont make a lot of money anyway and my husband has been in 10 yrs and we could actually get public assistance because we do qualify if we really needed it but we dont use it







. so there is no money in this job lol. Its a pretty selfless job honestly my husband doesnt really get a true day off ever and he's always on call it kind of sucks for the pay! no sick days,no calling in etc etc.


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 
Why what a sweet thing for you to say! I don't think anybody has ever compared me to Alice Paul before!

COuragew in a woman is often mistaken for insanity








:

I've never heard of turning on your own kids labeled as "courage". It's more dysfunctional. Could be caused by insanity, definitely. But there's no courage in turning on your kids. I really, truly hope your family gets the help it needs to be functional, even happy.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sophiekat* 







:
frankly, it makes me sad that a child's attempt to show love would be so resoundly rejected. No matter how old the child that hurts and is entirely uncalled for in this situation.







:
:

I also can't imagine my how painful it be for a child, even an adult child, to know that everything they do someone how disapoints the parent. That's a psychological tradegy of epic proportions.


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## sunkissedmumma67 (Jul 9, 2007)




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