# Almost hurt baby... again.



## Kontessa (Nov 5, 2005)

My little Toby is 5 weeks old, we want to AP but I am not sre how cut out for it I am. We do practice peaceful parenting with him and our 6 year old daughter, no CIO, no spanking or yelling. We unschool our daughter and shall with our son as well, unless we find something better, as always.

My issue is that baby has been sleeping with us since birth. Once when baby was between us I found myself sleeping so deeply I guess, that I rolled back on him and not sure how long it was till I noticed but it freaked me the heck out. Another time he was between us his head in the curve of his bobby as I thought it would keep us from rolling on him. His father and I both found ourselves putting our heads on the top side of the boppy. I woke up with my head on his chest!

I was worried about him being held by one of us and having the blankets hurt him (They are tucked in half way down the bed but hubby often pulls them up. Hubby would let me got to bed first though, bring baby to bed, and sleep with him on his chest, in his arms, ect... Over 10 times now have one of us woken to find his face in a blanket, him face down on the mattress from him or dad moving, or dad leaning on him. Never any crying out of him, no harm done, but so much potential harm. He will now not sleep at night unless someone is holding him. I can not hold him, I just can not sleep that way, maybe the fear is too strong. So hubby holds him and I am constintly waking up to check and make sure baby is ok as Hubby sleeps very deeply.

Now my current ishue other then safety is that on the 9th of January my husband is leaving for the field for 3 weeks. How are baby and I going to sleep? We did not get a crib as that was not our plan and now I can not afford one and I am thinking maybe when he is a little bigger there will not be so much danger. For now though.... what to do. From time to time he will let me have both arms by napping just a little in his stroller but he will not do it at night next to the bed, even if I push it back and forth over and over. He does not like the swing or the bouncer. Just being held (And who can blame him!) But I am going to have just the help of my 6 year old while Hubby is away and I am going to need more the 20 minutes with my hands free and I really will need sleep. I can deal with him eating every hour, but I need sleep in between it!

Oh, and what is the deal with Parenting Mag saying the last 10 studys show co-sleeping increases chances of SIDS? I thought that was the other way around?

Thank you for reading this. I still have my "blue" moods but it is not terrible so I might be over reacting just a bit, I know.

Blessings,
Kimmy


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

The fact that you woke up both times just proves you still have mommy instinct. I'm sure you weren't laying on him for any amount of time. I find myself snuggled really close to my ds (or him really close to me) all the time. Can you get one of those cosleeper deals from BRU? Picture they are under $50, I'm sure you can find them cheaper. That might help you with your fears

As for when DH leaves, it might get better then because there will be less people fighting for space.

You're doing great! Good luck!


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Here I found it on Target for $40


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## fuller2 (Nov 7, 2004)

Oh boy--sounds like you are in a tough situation. If you (or your husband)are finding yourself sleeping so deeply that your baby is getting his head covered, is lying face down etc., that does not sound safe. Co-sleeping is not an AP rule, and it does not work for everyone. I actually think getting a crib or a co-sleeper or one of those things you put in the bed with you to *prevent* rolling on the baby might be a good idea. You can have the crib or co-sleeper pushed up against your bed, and when baby falls asleep on your chest you could put him down in there.

Your post really alarmed me, actually--when I slept with my baby I'd wake up at the slightest peep, but if you are not, that is a problem. I have to ask, so please don't be offended--are you taking any medications, drinking alcohol, or doing anything that would make you less alert? Or are you or your husband very overweight? Any of these mean co-sleeping is a bad idea.

Even if everyone is skinny and sober, if your husband is a very deep sleeper, he should NOT be the one to sleep with the baby. Ten times he's woken up 'leaning' on the baby?? This freaks me out too.

I would try to find a used crib or co-sleeper (criblike thing that attaches to the side of your bed) ASAP. Check every thrift store & classified ad section in town, check craigslist.com if it's in your area. Lots of people get rid of their baby stuff for cheap. You do not want to be rolling on your baby at night.

It will be OK. Your instincts are telling you something is wrong, and you should absolutely pay attention to them.


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## damyen's mommy (May 5, 2005)

Just wanted to let you know that I think your mommy instincts are there as James mama said. If you are waking up then you obviosly aren't sleeping as soundly as you think. I worried about this too at first but I realized that I was waking up and we got the hang of things.. my boy slept in crook of my arm or just real close to me. And armreach might be a good idea though just so you feel safe. Have you thought of maybe putting your mattress on the floor and putting baby next you on a cushion of some sort. So you have the effect of cosleeping but you and your hubby have your own room. Hugs to you, you are doing awsome.
An just a comment on being overweight and cosleeping, by american standards I am very overweight an yet I do not have baby eating fat roles. My hubby and I are big people but our son has always been safe and I find that statement truly offensive. Even the first time I read it on the Sears website I just was truly offended. Just my 2 cents on that matter.


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## pinkmilk (Nov 27, 2005)

Have you tried swaddling your baby at night? I know he wants to feel cozy and cuddled from what you've said and the comfort of swaddling can help him sleep. He's even small enough at this point to fit in a drawer next to you on the bed.(Just make sure it's in the middle of the bed and won't fall off). I can sympathize with your situation, you want to cosleep and you want to be safe.
Maybe these next few weeks with your hubby gone will be good for training your baby to sleep without being held so much? I found my daughter didn't like sleeping without being held but soon figured out ways she would sleep better on her own...swaddling, sleeping on a sheepskin, sleeping on her stomach...sleeping with something humming like a fan or humidifier.
We used to have a craddle by our bed and after I would nurse her I usually would put her there beside me... I'd often keep my arm through the bars so I could be touching her and soon as she woke to nurse I'd be right there. As she got older and bigger we set the crib up beside our bed and there she still sleeps. She has her own big space, still on her sheepskin, (but usually finds us to cuddle in the night). I don't worry anymore about dh rolling on her. He still does sleep very soundly though and we are expecting a new baby soon...back to the craddle by my side.


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## Cajunmomma (Nov 21, 2001)

We always coslept with our little ones. They slept on the outside, with a guard rail keeping them in the bed. I would have a seperate blanket over them, so that I didn't have to worry about us pulling the covers over them during the night (our covers would either be pulled up completely over the bed on that side or would be pulled down below the baby, but still over us).

My husband is the hardest sleeper that I have ever known, but he always woke up when the newborn stirred. That would quit at about 4 months, but when the baby was the smallest and most vulnerable, he was at his most aware.

By the way, my husband also slept sometimes holding our babies as newborns. he loved how warm they were. We never had any problems, but I did worry sometimes as well

If you can't get any rest because you're so worried, try something different. You need to give to yourself, too, so that you can take care of him.


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

Kimmy, I have sat here for 10 minutes debating whether or not I should say what I'm thinking, but I've decided that I have to.

Please stop co-sleeping. It just doesn't sound safe to me.

You can AP and be a great parent and not co-sleep.

While your dh is gone, try swaddling your baby. At his young age, both of mine had to be swaddled, or they would not sleep a peep. Maybe keep trying the swing, their likes and dislikes change so fast at that age, he might start liking it.

I wish you luck!


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## desertpenguin (Apr 15, 2005)

Kontessa-I think it would be a good idea for you to get a cosleeper. You say the baby doesn't like sleeping anywhere besides in arms, but like a pp said, try swaddling. Sometimes you may just have to be persistent in putting baby down after he falls asleep, even if it means having to start all over again. You could also try something that makes white noise like a fan to help baby stay asleep.

damyens' mommy-I think the basic guideline of not sleeping with your child when you are obese has mostly to do with obese people having a higher incidence of sleeping problems. But yes, plenty of larger people sleep with their children without incidence, and that's fine. You have to make the decisions that fit best for your family.


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## TexasSuz (Mar 4, 2002)

I have a snuggle nest I could send you but your son will outgrow it soon. Where in Texas are you? PM me if you want the snuggle nest and I will mail it to you. I am done with having kids so it is no longer needed here.

I agree that co-sleeping is not for everyone and you can still be a good AP parent if you don't co-sleep.


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## sessy (May 24, 2005)

I'd try swaddling too. When dd was newborn, she slept swaddled next to me in the bed, never in the middle. Now at 21 mo she sleeps in the middle, but I felt that was dangerous when she was newborn. She also didn't use our blanket. We pulled our dresser over against the bed so she wouldn't fall out, though a swaddled 5 week old isn't rolling anywhere! It went dresser, dd, me, dh. I would also wake up in pretty much the same position that I fell asleep in, curled up next to dd, so rolling onto her was never a fear for me. Is your bed firm? Your movements shouldn't make ds roll over. You might try some of the suggestions people have posted, but bottom line is if you don't feel your baby is safe, then no one is going to get a good night's sleep. Good luck finding a solution.


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## RootBeerFloat (Nov 22, 2005)

This sounds like a very scary and frustrating situation. I agree with other posts about trying a co-sleeper and swaddling. Have you read or seen the video for The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp? Great, great helpful info in there on swadding and encouraging sleep. I recommend it highly, especially the video, which you can get at alot of libraries.

DD also would not sleep without being held for her first 6 weeks. I used to wear her in a tummy to tummy hold in a stretchy wrap sling (check out www.mobywrap.com) and we'd sleep together in our rocking chair. It was very, very helpful to me when I was so exhausted that I could barely function.

After that, we moved onto an Amby bed, which is a baby hammock that the baby can sleep in while swaddled. You can sometimes find them on ebay.

Good luck. Remember that co-sleeping is technically sharing the same bedroom as your babe, and you can do that in many, many ways. AP is not like following a set of rules, it's being baby led and sleeping in an unsafe situation certainly isn't that! Taking care of both of your needs in a loving and gentle way is attachment parenting, and if bedsharing isn't that, then so be it.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kontessa*
Another time he was between us his head in the curve of his bobby as I thought it would keep us from rolling on him.

I have read that you shouldn't use the boppy for sleeping, and there is a tag on the boppy itself that says you shouldn't do it. I guess it's because the baby's face can get pressed against the side.

I'm in the "don't do it if it doesn't feel safe" camp. When my kids were that young I used to lay them down perpendicular to my body, like a T, with their feet against my stomach. (We have a king size bed.) There is a dip in the mattress, and they would roll down into it and I was afraid they'd get pinned against me. Maybe you could try that while your DH is away and you have more room.

On the bright side, eventually this won't be an issue any more - DD is 6 months and so much stronger than she used to be. Soon she'll be able to defend herself fully if one of us invades her space at night, lol. Though we're pretty used to having her there by now so we make room automatically. On the rare nights she doesn't sleep with us, I wake up in the morning and frantically search for her to make sure she isn't buried in the blankets or on the floor or something!


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

I think if there's any way you can afford a cosleeper that you should go with it. Yes, your mommy instincts kicked in, but for peace of mind a cosleeper would probably be ideal.


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## musemor (Mar 19, 2004)

Just wanted to add that if you can't afford a co-sleeper, you probably have something else around the house that will work as a baby bed for the time being. A dresser drawer as mentioned above, a laundry basket, even a lidless cardboard box! You could put it on the floor or on a sturdy surface near the bed. I'm about to be a new mom and I know that if I was in your situation, I would stop sleeping with the baby in bed. It doesn't sound safe to me. Go with your gut instinct...if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.


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## Kontessa (Nov 5, 2005)

I just wanted to let everyone know that we are all still alive and ok. Baby gos for a walk with sister and Daddy before bed in the stroller, he falls asleep well and I get about two hours sleep, once I got 4! Then he wakes for eating and will not go to sleep unless in arms like before but it is a step forward. Hubby lays against the wall with baby on him and neither one moves as hubby has a blanket wedged in on his other side so he can not roll. Thankfully I have been finding myself not moving around now either. We always try and out him to sleep after a feeding not on us but it does not seem to work and we just give in as we need sleep too. In the morning when hubby goes to sleep I try and get baby to sleep next to me, not on me, but more often then not it does not last long and we get up and I hold in in the recliner while I read on here and try not to be bitter. Sometimes the swing will give me an hour break but that is rare.

We have a pack and play in our room, baby will not use it, yet anyway, and hates it for changing his diaper even.

He has a swaddler thing but is fast growing out of it already. Back to berlington coat factory this weekend in hopes of finding a bigger one. We have a queen size bed and it might be big enough for the sleeper from Target, we will go look this weekend as well.

Come to think about it, I was still on pain killers a few weks back for pain and I am a over weight though not horribly so. Hubby is in ideal shape, what a hotty army guy I must say. But he works very hard and sleeps hard too. Going to bed sooner is helping us all.

As it turns out hubby will be coming home at night and not staying out in the field for three weeks. So one less thing for me to worry about right now as I need the time without baby on me as he is on me all day long and I am feeling a little bitter honestly. I know it is just me though and as soon as I can shake these blues the better.

We are trying to get baby to sleep without being on us but it is slow going at least though no more close calls this past week.

Blessings,
Kimmy

P.S. I would drink if I could, though never been one to be big on that, but I can't as I BF and that would not help the situation I know.


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## Ammaarah (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *damyen's mommy*
An just a comment on being overweight and cosleeping, by american standards I am very overweight an yet I do not have baby eating fat roles.









With 60% of US folks being overweight or obese and around 70% of parents co-sleeping at least part-time (according to something I read on MDC, no official cite) you'd think baby-eating fat rolls would be more of a problem.


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

Glad to hear that things are going better, Kontessa. My little guy slept smooshed into my husband's back or face down in the mattress or smothered in my boobs right from the start - it was scary and I got pretty sleep deprived, but he knew what he wanted. I really calmed down once he got head control.

A cosleeper did not work for us, he wanted to be CLOSE. I would not hold him all night, though, because I was freaking exhausted, I'd just put him right next to me and pat him while he expressed his outrage and he learned pretty quickly that snuggling was a good way to sleep.


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## InDaPhunk (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kontessa*
P.S. I would drink if I could, though never been one to be big on that, but I can't as I BF and that would not help the situation I know.

Co-sleeping and drinking are a bad idea, so it wouldn't be a good idea for that reason anyway, _especially_ with the concerns you've been having.

It sounds in your post as if you're a little depressed, maybe have a touch of more than the baby blues? Talk to your PCM and/or look into some natural remedies for depression....it's better to get a hold on things before they get out of control. Your 6 week check-up should be coming up soon, make sure you mention your feelings to your ob or midwife, too. For now, rest as much as you can, eat well and whatever you want, let the house go to pot, and just take care of yourself and your new one. Hang in there, Army wife....we're AF and I know the challenges of being far from friends and family....not too much support sometimes, so I feel ya, I really do.


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## mollyeilis (Mar 6, 2004)

This situation just doesn't sound that scary, or that bad, to me.

You said you're still on pain killers. That *right there* is the one thing that can change to make this an easier situation.

For NOW, you might want to check out the cheapie sleep positioners at babies r us. We used one for the longest time, just a little mat with two foam wedges with velcro; at first the wedges went on either side of him, then as I got used to having Eamon next to me (and as I got off my own pain killers) we put both of the wedges on the side between DS and husband.

We never worried about blankets.

With rolling over; if he's capable of moving himself to a new position, then it's OK.

Don't use the Boppy; takes up too much room, yeah you're going to thin kit's a pillow, and you're not supposed to use it.

Hubby slept with DS on top of him for awhile; loved it. I liked it too, the few times he'd do it for me, but then he got longer and kept kicking me in places I diidn't want to be kicked.

All in all the situation doesn't seem bad to me!

Oh, and the very fact that you guys are waking up to find these positions means that you guys are aware. Rather than think "how long has this been going on", think like I do "wow, baby must have JUST gotten himself into this position, how great are we that we woke up because of it!??!"










By the way, and not saying this so you go out and drink but rather so no one comes away from this thinking "I can't drink while b'feeding?"...you can drink a little (glass or two of wine/beer) while breastfeeding, it's not a big deal, or even a deal. And while I wouldn't sleep in the bed if I were DRUNK, 2 beers over the course of 3 (or more, man I'm a lightweight anymore!) hours isn't going to keep me from bed (and in our house it's not the baby that gets kicked out, it's whichever adult who feels they aren't safe to sleep with). So if you ever desire *a* beer, once you're off your pain meds, it's OK.


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## Slabobbin (Jan 29, 2004)

To make it safer for us we got a twin bed and put it in our bedroom next to our queen sized bed. Now we have one huge bed. DD sleeps between me and the wall and she has a very large area to sleep in. I roll up in the covers (I sleep that way anyway) and she doesn't have anything on or around her. Would something like that work for your family?


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

When our dd was first born (so very long ago







) she wouldn't sleep without being swaddled. We wanted to cosleep but were a bit nervous, so we swaddled her up and put her on top of the blanket between me and the edge of the bed. I then faced her away from me, with her side/back against me. This way she was swaddled, cuddled with me, but there was no way her face would get trapped against me or the bed.

Now I am less careful with positioning, because dd will get into whatever position she wants, but I don't use a pillow and I just use one blanket that is tucked in so it can't come up very high. It might help if you and hubby have separate blankets.

i also wanted to mention, if baby falls asleep on you, can you then transfer him to his back on the bed while he is still asleep? This would give you a break.


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