# OMG I slapped the baby!



## JoyNChrist

I feel so bad right now, I just need to talk to someone.

DS is 10 months old, and we're still nursing. He has 6 teeth, and he went through a pretty heavy biting phase a couple months ago. But I would just unlatch him when he bit, tell him "no" very sternly, and sit him on the floor to end the nursing session. It seemed to work pretty quickly.

Tonight he was tired and fussy, and I tried to nurse him to put him to sleep (our normal routine...he night-weaned last month and sleeps all night in his crib now, but we still nurse & rock to sleep). He was trying to get down to play on the floor, but I knew he was tired and needed to go to sleep, so I kept offering the breast. All of a sudden, he opened his mouth like he was going to latch, and then bit down on my nipple as hard as he could! It hurt SO bad. But what's worse...

I slapped him. Right on the leg. Not terribly hard, but it made a decent "pop!". I didn't even think about it. It was just a knee-jerk reaction.










Of course his little bottom lip stuck out and started trembling and then he started wailing. He reached for DH, who had to give him a bottle to get him to go to sleep.

I cannot believe I slapped my _10 month old baby_. I feel so terrible. So not only is my nipple hurting (it hurt so bad y'all - I looked after DS went to sleep, and it was bleeding







). I'm horribly upset that I tramautized my baby.















:


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## nathansmum

Awww poor mumma and bubba!

I'm guessing him biting you was his way of disagreeing with you - I learnt too not to over-offer a baby the breast when they were clearly letting me know it was not wanted. Ouch!

I'd have a think about how you might deal with the situation next time if it were (and likely will) happen so you have some strategies to work with. I'd probably let him have a little more crawl around (5 minutes is not likely to make a difference to his tiredness) and then try again when he's out of the mindset to do something else.


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## moondiapers

Isn't it awful how ingrained in us this response is? I've done it too, not when they were babies, but as they got older. If I was preoccupied or super busy with something else and multitasking.....I wasn't fully present KWIM? Luckily it only happened a couple of times before I figured out what worked for me to avoid it, and it wasn't hard enough to cause physical pain.


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## ruhbehka

I nearly did the same when my toddler bit my breast! I was really struggling not to, it was just that strong an impulse of "Get him off me!!!"


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## Super Pickle

I did that once in the middle of the night...I was asleep, DS bit my breast, and automatically I swatted out. Yeah, I felt bad, but DS was okay, and the important thing to realize is that you did not do this on purpose as a way to "teach your child a lesson" or whatever....you had a reflex response to sharp pain, like swatting at a bee that has just stung you. So don't beat yourself up. It was an accident, it wasn't a calculated attempt to beat your child into submission.


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## prettypixels

Give yourself a break mama! It was just a reaction to being bitten like that. I know there are times when my baby bites me and I feel like I'm going to throw her across the room! It is just awful being bitten there.







Your little guy is fine, don't feel so badly!


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## sapientia

*raises hand reluctantly* I did the automatic swat thing with my oldest, too-completely knee-jerk and without thinking. I felt horrible. She was a toddler then. She was mortified and so was I. She really bit me hard, I can tell you that-I thought she drew blood!


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## MaterPrimaePuellae

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
I did that once in the middle of the night...I was asleep, DS bit my breast, and automatically I swatted out. Yeah, I felt bad, but DS was okay, and the important thing to realize is that you did not do this on purpose as a way to "teach your child a lesson" or whatever....you had a reflex response to sharp pain, like swatting at a bee that has just stung you. So don't beat yourself up. It was an accident, it wasn't a calculated attempt to beat your child into submission.

I totally agree! I did the same thing the first time DD bit me-- and she was only 6 mos old. I felt *really* bad about it, and that experience is what made me start questioning spanking generally. It upset me that my immediate response was to slap her, and I did not want that to become a habit.
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one!
Bethany


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## debbieh

First of all, I sympathize with you about your pain. My ds (who is now gonna be 30 this year!) bit me when he was 7 mo. old...hard! It bled, I hurt and it got infected. So I had to take an antibiotic. I agree with pps, don't beat yourself up. You didn't slap him in anger, to "teach a lesson" or dicipline him...but as a reaction to pain. I'm betting the next time he bites, you'll remember how bad you feel and won't do it again.


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## Blu Razzberri

Most of us have a story like this. Whether it's hitting or swearing or yelling. Making a consious effort not to react harshly does not mean we're perfect. We are human, we make mistakes. Next time, you'll try just that much harder not to react that way; and hopefully, you'll succeed. But if you don't; it doesn't make you a bad mother; just as your DS biting doesn't make him a bad child. DS might be young, but sit him down and talk to him. Say "I shouldn't have hit you, that was wrong and hitting hurts. I'm sorry. Equally, you shouldn't bite, biting hurts too. Lets try not to hurt eachother anymore, ok." He might not fully understand, but he'll understand your sorry emotion; and he'll associate that he should feel sorry for biting (he'll understand biting too). Trust me mama, you didn't traumatize him, he'll be fine.


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## kissum

I did that to my dd when she was about that age, for the same reason. She hurt me, so my automatic reaction was to hurt her back. It's so normal, and you just have to work to not give in to those urges.
We're not perfect. I felt really awful when I slapped my DD, but I'm sure she doesn't remember it. Hugs mama! Don't feel too guilty!


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## mamalisa

I did the same thing when ds was about 6 months old. Dh looked at me like I was a monster. But I think it's just a normal reaction the first time it happens because you just don't see it coming. You hardly expect that sweet little baby to gnaw on you with those razor sharp teeth. But when they do, it's so shocking and it hurts so so bad you instinctivly do the first thing you know will make it stop.

Now that you've been there, you'll be better prepared for next time.


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## SublimeBirthGirl

Make sure you apologize and explain that biting hurts. I know he's young but I do believe they understand a lot. Don't hate yourself too much. He's not going to be traumatized-it's not great, but it's just a gut reaction sometimes I think, and now you know to be on guard for it.


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## LynnS6

The first (and only) time ds bit me, I screamed so loudly that he went on a 5 day nursing strike. (OK, that should have been my 2nd clue that his ability to process sounds is a bit off.... but that's another story.)

I agree with the others -- apologize to your ds, forgive yourself and move on. It was a defensive action, one that you did before you could think because you were in pain. It wasn't a deliberate attempt to teach him not to bite.


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## Muminmamman

BTDT. Ds was really constipated and I think had a belly ache. I offered him the breast and he bit down (I bled...those baby teeth are sharp!) and it seemed like my hand was moving of its own accord.







I still beat myself up over that. Like a pp, my son also went on a nursing strike (about 20 hours) afterwards. I think I spent those entire 20 hours apologising to him. It's amazing how much internal work it can be to transcend that instinct.


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## cfiddlinmama




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## Kessed

I smacked DDs hand once. We were lying in bed - and she reached up and twisted my other nipple really hard. It really hurt. Before I knew what I was doing I'd smacked her hand.

Now I remember to be proactive about it and occupy her other hand when she's nursing in bed - so that neither of us will have that opportunity again.


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## mack

My ds didn't wait 'till he had teeth, he bit me so hard he left a blood blister on my boob before he was 48 hours old. He has now bitten me so many times I have lost count, and twice bitten so hard I slapped in pain (I manage to keep it to hollering cusswords most of the time- he thinks it's funny). We tried telling him "no" and putting him down every time he bit, and so far all that has taught him is that a bite is how he says "I'm done nursing now, thanks Mama". He will even, if he has already started to crawl off my lap, turn around and give me a quick nip if he forgot to do so while still nursing. My mother says this is proof that the curse "I hope you have a child just like you" really works. I now make sure I offer him some foods he can really gnaw on a couple times a day, and this has helped.


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## dallaschildren

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## ambersrose

I think swatting at something that bit us is a natural reaction. We do it when a bug bites us and it is done without thought. Being a mindful mother takes practice for most of us and like said in many of the previous posts, it was a mistake and we learn from mistakes so dont beat yourself up momma.


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## Mpenny1001

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ambersrose* 
I think swatting at something that bit us is a natural reaction. We do it when a bug bites us and it is done without thought. Being a mindful mother takes practice for most of us and like said in many of the previous posts, it was a mistake and we learn from mistakes so dont beat yourself up momma.

I agree. I slapped DD the first time she really bit me during nursing. I ran crying to DH and explained that I had been dozing off and I didn't feel angry at the bite - before I even knew what had happened I had slapped her arm. DH was calm enough to recognize that it was just an instinct, as if a mosquito bit me. From then on, I just paid more attention when she was nursing so that if she bit, I could reason out my response rather than instinctively swat. It never happened again (well, she bit again but I didn't do anything other than say no).


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## nathansmum

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
The first (and only) time ds bit me, I screamed so loudly that he went on a 5 day nursing strike. (OK, that should have been my 2nd clue that his ability to process sounds is a bit off.... but that's another story.)

Yes, we had a strike too after a series of events. The dog barked, I jumped, the baby bit me, I screamed, he screamed and it was all off for 3 days and I worked so hard to get him back on the breast.

Anyway, that was OT...


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## Perdita_in_Ontario

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mack* 
My mother says this is proof that the curse "I hope you have a child just like you" really works.

LOL! If my mother said that to me I'd be pissed. But not being involved, that is actually quite funny!


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## AppleCrisp

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
I did that once in the middle of the night...I was asleep, DS bit my breast, and automatically I swatted out. Yeah, I felt bad, but DS was okay, and the important thing to realize is that you did not do this on purpose as a way to "teach your child a lesson" or whatever....you had a reflex response to sharp pain, like swatting at a bee that has just stung you. So don't beat yourself up. It was an accident, it wasn't a calculated attempt to beat your child into submission.

Poor mama! I did it once too when my son was around a year. He never slept, and we'd spend hours at night with him screaming and struggling, and one night I was totally exhausted, up for hours, and he reached out and slapped me right in the face, hard. I instantaneously slapped him back, and you're right, the look on his face and the crying was awful!

He knows you love him, it will be okay







Sometimes those knee-jerk reactions just happen, especially when they do something that really hurts (which tends to happen the bigger they get!!). 99.9% of the time you are a caring and loving parent, and he knows that.


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## MrsBear

Aw, I'm no saint either. For what it's worth, I curse a blue streak or primal scream at the top of my lungs if I'm bit. Sometimes, if I'm exhausted or sick on top of being bitten, I'll kick like a mule to avoid slapping because some part of me needs to get physical under the circumstances (obviously, I'm not kicking anyone or anything). I'm willing to bet that my consistent reactions as described do more harm than your once off smacking your babe.

It's mean, rotten, and evil, but you know what? They don't teach anger management in school. They just punish kids if they act out. No one ever helped me to the skills I'd need to not be mean, rotten, and evil.

Even when you try your hardest to avoid situations that set you off, do your best to respond appropriately, and make amends as quickly and thoroughly as possible after the fact, it won't stop you from making mistakes once in a while. I wish I were perfect. I rake myself over the coals for not being perfect for my LittleBear. But it's not just over imperfect responses to being bitten, smacked, or otherwise hurt by her, it's over hormonal meltdowns, a disagreement with MrBear, or burning dinner. I think we can find an endless assortment of things to martyr ourselves over, but the most important fact is that you knew what you did was wrong, you took steps to remedy it, and to make sure you never do it again. 90% of people never seem to get to the realization it's wrong. It's amazing those of us who were raised by people who had no qualms hitting ever got it. Maybe our children, raised as gently as we could manage, will take it a little further and raise our grandkids with more empathy and kindness than we ever could.


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## prothyraia

It's a hard instinct to overcome. If most animals play too roughly, mama nips them.

We can control our reactions, but it's really hard when you get taken by surprise like that!


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## EdnaMarie

What I think is great is that you know hitting is wrong and by committing to not hit out of anger or for any other reason, and being willing to admit it's wrong, you are helping stop this cycle of violence so that your own babes will be less likely to hit out of shock.

Hugs to you and your babe.


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## Four&Me

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
I did that once in the middle of the night...I was asleep, DS bit my breast, and automatically I swatted out. Yeah, I felt bad, but DS was okay, and the important thing to realize is that you did not do this on purpose as a way to "teach your child a lesson" or whatever....you had a reflex response to sharp pain, like swatting at a bee that has just stung you. So don't beat yourself up. It was an accident, it wasn't a calculated attempt to beat your child into submission.

i did this also! it was middle of the night. baby still latched. and i swatted because it felt like a bug or something. i felt HORRIBLE!! poor baby..


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## PlayaMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamalisa* 
I did the same thing when ds was about 6 months old. Dh looked at me like I was a monster. But I think it's just a normal reaction the first time it happens because you just don't see it coming. You hardly expect that sweet little baby to gnaw on you with those razor sharp teeth. But when they do, it's so shocking and it hurts so so bad you instinctivly do the first thing you know will make it stop.

Now that you've been there, you'll be better prepared for next time.









:

i was coming on here to make sure that there was some support for the poster and i just keep finding the exact post i was going to write!! my dh yelled at me and i cried and our ds was crying but it *really* hurt!!

just think about how to handle it better next time.


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## Ruthla

I don't think you've ruined your baby for life- you had a reflex reaction when you were in pain. You may have shaken his trust in you but you haven't destroyed it- he may need some extra reasurance in the next couple of days.

I'm glad you were horrified by your actions- it shows that you have no intention of doing it again! (not that this is a guarantee that this won't happen again, but it sure minimizes the chance of it!)

The first time my oldest bit me while nursing, I let out a blood-curdling scream that probably frightened her as much, if not more, than hitting her would have. None of us are perfect!


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## ThreeJane

I did this too...my DS was about six months old, and I screeched at the top of my lungs AND smacked him on the leg...it was only after the hollering was done (on his part) that I looked down and saw blood RUNNING down my stomach...so I totally understand. Don't worry, you won't scar the baby for life...


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## Datura

It sounds like a purely involuntary reaction to pain. Almost all of us have done it at some point and its not punishment. Punishment has an intent, this was just an isolated knee jerk. Its ok, your baby loves you and forgives you.


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## bobica

another mama who has been there. I beat myself up for ages over it. i was a MESS!!! it took me a lot longer to heal from it. I used it as a learning experience- i've tried to be more present and not get locked into a struggle with her. In your case, it sounds like a total knee-jerk reaction. That *is* deeply ingrained and pretty involuntary. Please give yourself some







and forgive yourself!


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## juju's mom

hugs to you. I have been there too. It is a strong impulse.


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## Autumn Breeze

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 









I don't think you've ruined your baby for life- you had a reflex reaction when you were in pain. You may have shaken his trust in you but you haven't destroyed it- he may need some extra reasurance in the next couple of days.

I'm glad you were horrified by your actions- it shows that you have no intention of doing it again! (not that this is a guarantee that this won't happen again, but it sure minimizes the chance of it!)

The first time my oldest bit me while nursing, I let out a blood-curdling scream that probably frightened her as much, if not more, than hitting her would have. None of us are perfect!









:

My dd was around 6 months when she bit me. I yells "OWW!!" in almost a guttural tone, she flipped. She only had 2 bottom teeth, and lets face it, since the tongue is usually there, it's not as "tough" as the top side.

I pulled my shirt back down, stood up and put her back in the hotsling, and just hugged on her, and sung to her. After about 6 or 7 hours she nursed again (I kept her in the sling cept for diaper changes) and I think that helped. She could "feel" my apology.


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## LizD

I think this is what T. Berry Brazelton meant when, in an interview, he was asked, "Is it ever OK to hit a child?" and his answer was, "Probably not, but we've all done it."









(Neither Dr. Brazelton nor I advocates spanking; I think he's talking about how some things are not at all OK, but many if not most of us find ourselves doing them on occasion anyway, and it will be all right in the end.)

As you can see from all the responses, it happens to the most serene of us, and doesn't in any way undermine your efforts. If anything we can try to be more compassionate toward those who really do hit their children- for whatever reason, they are in that quasi-involuntary, raging state all the time.









Your baby will be just fine.


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