# Gentle Discipline Book List Under Construction: Please contribute!



## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

_Elena, sorry to hijack your thread, but you are motivating me to do something very important!~ Everyone see my post below!! ~ Pamelamama --- GD ModMama)_
_____________________________________________

I know there are a gazillion books on parenting out there, and many of them are GD, but I need one that gives me the "how to" of my philosophy-in-the-making.

The main criteria that I'm seeking is that I'd like to have a family-centered, not child-centered life, but I don't know how to set limits. I don't want to go too far in either direction (parent v. child-- we tend to err on the side of child-centered), but of course, all with GD.

I know that _The Continuum Concept_ discusses this, but I simply can't translate it into practical terms. Apart from this book, any suggestions most welcome.


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

OK, I'm going to HIJACK this thread. I've noticed the book rec thing comes up pretty often. Let's make a sticky of our favorite books, format it nicely and and post it as a resource. You put them here, I'll work up some nice format for the sticky.

Can we do it like this?

_Book Title_ by Jen Dizzy Plin -- brief one sentence synopsis

Spelling counts here, mamas... Get the author's name right!!









xoxo pam


----------



## mrzmeg (Jul 16, 2002)

_Playful Parenting_ by Lawrence J. Cohen -- Explains the idea that play is necessary to children and provides a unique way for them to connect and bond with their parents, and can also be used as a valuable tool to help prevent conflict and discipline problems.


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)




----------



## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Kids Are Worth It : Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline Barbara Coloroso


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

someone didn't follow the di-rec-tions


----------



## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

No apology needed, Pam! I actually looked in the archives for a book recommendation list and found none







, so I'm glad you're starting a permanent file!









I love the idea of including a synopsis, though. Like I said, there are many gentle parenting books out there (or ones that claim to be) and it would be much easier to get a summary here than to sort through the Amazon recommendations.


----------



## mama22gr8boys (Apr 7, 2003)

This might sound a little crazy but some of the homeschooling books give great advice for developing a family philosophy as a whole and as it relates to your school. I would suggest picking titles by thinking "if I were to homeschool we would be a _______" (christian, jewish, secular, unschooled, scheduled, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants, curriculum based, designyour own curriculum, etc). And then read those which pertain to you. I suggest picking books that would describe how you would do it because for instance, if you are not a religious person then some of the religious based books would be of no use. If religion is very important to you and you read books that do not incorporate that you may feel something is missing. Of course this doesn't mean you have to homeschool. But those books really do help one develop a philosophy or as my husband call it, a family mission statement.
Just a suggestion


----------



## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:

someone didn't follow the di-rec-tions
Sorry







I was standing, nursing, bouncing, and swaying ds2 to sleep. Not much ability to type, your lucky I got as much as I did LOL!


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

akirasmama!

OK, let's review... this thread is going to be for BOOK TITLE AND AUTHOR SUGGESTIONS!!

Mama22gr8boys, I don't know how to turn your ideas into something for the book list. Do you have a specific book to recommend here?

Thanks to all!


----------



## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

_I'll play:_

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser.

Takes a developmental approach to parenting according to your values. Emphasizes honoring your child's impulses and feelings and creating situations in which they can learn to become the child they want to be!


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Did you see that, she added a _link_ !! Very impressive, indeed!

Perhaps we can link our whole list through to Powells so MDC gets money if we buy the books!


----------



## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

_How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk_ by Adele Faber

_Giving the Love that Heals_ by Harville Hendrix


----------



## mamasan (Aug 4, 2002)

Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper
Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley

And The Family Virtues Guide by Linda Kavenlin Popov

Edited to bad typos


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Did you mean: _Kid Cooperation_ by Elizabeth *Pantley*?


----------



## mamasan (Aug 4, 2002)

Ooops, bad typing. I just edited it, Pam


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Now I just look like a fussypants don't I???


----------



## HeatherSanders (Jul 20, 2002)

*The Five Love Languages of Children* by Gary D. Chapman

A quote from Powell's:

Quote:

According to the authors, each child expresses and receives love through one of five different communication styles. A parent's love language may be totally different from that of his or her child, which causes hurt feelings and misunderstandings. With the help of this book, adults can discover their child's primary language and learn what they can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in their child's emotions and behavior.
Jeff and I took this course when I was still pregnant with Meredith and loved it. There was much food for thought and it really even started helping me understand more about Jeff's love language too (they have this book for teens, wives and husbands, etc. . . too).


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

_Had to make some edits on this thread... When I have collected enough suggestions for a nice list, I will post it for a final edit and anyone who wants to PM me about inappropriate books can do so before it is published.
_


----------



## water (May 15, 2003)

_Parenting from the Inside Out_ - Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell

This is a book for those of us, like ME







who are dealing with our own sh*t from childhood and how it is affecting us as parents. Especially with regards to my anger, I have found it very helpful in explaining some of the possible underlying reasons, and what I can do about it. It is fairly technical in places, but I like that. It also has good exercises for you to do to understand your own reactions to your child and where those reactions are coming from.

It is less of a "how to parent" book, and more of a "how to deal with your own crap that is making you be an angry/frustrated/disconnected parent so that you can be a better parent" book. Great for me!

In fact, I may go start another thread about this book because I am so excited about it!

Jenn


----------



## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

Raising Your Spirited Child and Kids, Parents and Power Struggles both by Mary Sheed Kurcinka.

Quote:

In Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, she offers unique approaches to solving the daily, and often draining, power struggles between you and your child. Kurcinka views these conflicts as rich opportunities to teach your child essential life skills, like how to deal with strong emotions and problem solve. With her successful strategies, you'll be able to identify the trigger situations that set off these struggles and get to the root of the emotions and needs of you and your child.

Quote:

Spirited kids are, in fact, simply "more"--by temperament, they are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and uncomfortable with change than the average child.Through vivid examples and a refreshingly positive viewpoint, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka offers parents emotional support and proven strategies for handling their spirited child.


----------



## SoHappy (Nov 19, 2001)

Here's a list I've compiled from recommendations on the Mothering Boards. I haven't read many of them.

The Discipline Book, Dr. Sears

The Continuum Concept : In Search of Happiness Lost
by Jean Liedloff

Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child
by Katie Allison Granju, Betsy Kennedy

Natural Family Living : The Mothering Magazine Guide to Parenting
by Peggy O'Mara, et al

Our Babies, Ourselves : How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent
by Meredith F. Small

The Mother Trip : Hip Mama's Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood
by Ariel Gore, Ellen Forney (Illustrator)

The Baby Book : Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two
by William Sears, Martha Sears

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be : A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years
by Laura Davis, Janis Keyser

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Adele Faber, et al

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
by Gwen Gotsch, Judy Torgus

Magical Child
by Joseph Chilton Pearce

Natural Learning Rhythms : Discovering How and When Your Child Learns
by Josette Luvmour, Sambhava Luvmour

The Path of Parenting,
by Vimala McClure

When Your Child Drives You Crazy
by Eda Leshan, Catherine Whitney

Love and Anger : The Parental Dilemma
by Nancy Samalin, Catherine Whitney

Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be? : End Old Patterns and Enjoy Your Children
by Charles H. Elliott, Laura L. Smith

The Aware Baby
by Aletha J., Ph.D. Solter

Helping Young Children Flourish
by Aletha Jauch, Solter

Everyday Blessings : The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting
by Myla Kabat-Zinn, Jon Kabat-Zinn

Smart Love
by Martha Heineman Pieper, William J. Pieper

Kids Are Worth It! : Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline
by Barbara Coloroso

Laughter and Tears : The Emotional Life of New Mothers
by Elizabeth Bing, et al

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles : Winning for a Lifetime
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours
by Kevin Leman

Raising a Thinking Child : Help Your Young Child to Resolve Everyday Conflicts and Get Along With Others : The 'I Can Problem Solve' Program
by Myrna B. Shure, et al

Parenting Young Children : Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (Step) of Children Under Six
by Don C. Dinkmeyer

Kid Cooperation : How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate
by Elizabeth Pantley, et al

The Whole Parent : How to Become a Terrific Parent Even If You Didn't Have One
by Debra Wesselmann

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Twenty Alternatives to Punishment (this is just a list, not a book)
http://www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm
by Aletha Solter, Ph.D.

The Natural Child Project
at www.naturalchild.org


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

wow, thanks for doing all that work!!!!

can anyone provide a synopsis for any of these???

I'll match them up for our master list.


----------



## carolynb (Dec 13, 2003)

Hey Pam - just delurking to say that I really like your Gentle Discipline forum. I usually don't post but I just wanted to let you know how glad I am that you stopped beating Sam and Eli.

JUST KIDDING EVERYONE!!

Love Carolyn
Mom to Sophie and max


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

T








Carolyn!!!!







So happy to see you here... a big WELCOME to you.

mwah mwah!

now, back to the books!!


----------



## LoveBeads (Jul 8, 2002)

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey, Ph.d.

This book starts with the premise that you have a choice in how to raise your kids so that they cooperate with you: you can raise them with fear, or you can raise them with love.

I think this book is wonderful and I hope you all do to! From discussions of age appropriate behavior to the intolerance of spanking or otherwise humiliating a child, this book covers it all! The thing about it that is unique is that it forces you to address ALL aspects of your life, not just child-rearing since the way you ARE is intrinsically linked to how you parent.

Any questions, I am more than happy to answer!


----------



## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton

Based on biblical teachings, GBD (grace based discipline) is a nurturing, God-centered approach to parenting your child from birth to adulthood. Taking the stand that parenting is a covenant and not a burden, GBD insists on the formation of loving bonds of trust and mutual respect that begin at birth and will carry on throughout a lifetime.

Her website: http://www.aolff.org/


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I'll second Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso

Quote:

Coloroso says that there are three types of parents--Jellyfish, Brickwall, and Backbone. The first two muck it up royally by being too wishy-washy or too firm. The parent with a backbone, however, can be stern when necessary and provide structure yet have the flexibility that children and families need. Coloroso applies these models to a variety of parenting situations, from toilet training to curfew setting.
I especially like how -she clearly defines the "brickwall" parents (authoritarian, oppressive, do more harm than good), the "jellyfish" parents (permissive, wants to be their child's friend, do more harm than good) and "backbone" parents, who find a sane, sensible, loving, accepting and firm middle ground.- I knew there had to be parents out there who parent this way, but all the parenting books I was reading were too much of the Brickwall style (I'd put Ezzo at the end of the spectrum here) or too much of the Jellyfish way. Or just didn't give specific advice on what to do when your child does thus-and-such.

I love and use regularly as a referance Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, PhD. I took a class based on this book last summer, through dd's school district. It picks up where Kids Are Worth It leaves off, in that -she helps you get into your child's mind to figure out why s/he is misbehaving. They do this when "they are thrwarted in their need to feel they belong and in their need for love and attention".- Then she advises how to respond to your child's specific needs based on each situation.

I highly recommend as a referrence along with it, Positive Discipline A to Z. It's even more specific, kind of like a dictionary how-to. Everything from "aggression" to "zits".

ETA, I just realized none of this was at all brief, so I put dashes around the portions I figured summarized the point best.


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

and









keep em coming mamas

I don't mind if some of the summaries run for a few extra sentences.









*question:*

In the final list for the sticky, I am thinking to include the title, author, summary, any links we have, and the mama who recommended the book. How do you all feel about that?


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

fine with me.


----------



## heythere heather (Apr 11, 2003)

Want one from a total lurker?









Relational Parenting, by Dr. Ross Campbell

I actually read this when Erik was a newborn, but it changed my perspective, and got me looking forward to positive discipline. Here's a quote from an article he wrote about it:

Quote:

*As parents, we all have a mental and emotional picture of what we want for our children. As we think of the many facets of their lives, we know in our hearts that we need to prepare them for life. This means reaching out to their emotions and their spirits, as well as to their minds and bodies. We must learn to raise positive, strong kids in a troubled world.

Parenting is about much more than just controlling behavior. It takes a whole different approach to parenting to help your child eventually take responsibility for her own behavior. Positive, relational parenting is based on four important foundation stones.*
And here's a link to the whole article, a very good summary:
http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_m...D50018,00.html


----------



## ja mama (Sep 6, 2003)

So happy lists "making children mind without losing yours" by Kevin Leman. I just finished it and while it has many good points, he advocates spanking in it. Thus disqualifying it as a gd resource!


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Thanks, we'll X that one out.


----------



## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

i've met mr. leman. i do not have kind things to say about him.


----------



## scoutycat (Oct 12, 2003)

These have come recommended to me, and are on my reading list:

The Power of Postitive Parenting, by Glenn Latham

Powerful Struggles--managing resistance, building rapport--by John Maag

Parenting without Punishment-by John Maag

this is great! -jen


----------



## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

Bumping this back up!

Are we ready for the "sticky?"


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

BUMP! Ok, I'm going to get to work and make this into a beautiful sticky. But for now, I'll sticky this thread.


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Many books still need sponsors... can you lend your support to the books with no sponsors?

See how i"m working on the formatting here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hreadid=114935

xo pam


----------



## TranscendentalMom (Jun 28, 2002)

The Secret of Parenting: How to Be in Charge of Today's Kids--from Toddlers to Preteens--Without Threats or Punishment
by Anthony E. Wolf

This is the perfect book that explains how to discipline gently and firmly. The main quality that is unique about this book is that the advice is so practical. So many books I have read on GD are so theoretical...its hard to understand how to apply the ideals to everyday situations. In Wolf's book he gives scripts...which show the logical way that conversations and arguments go based on the way you respond to your child. His idea of "disengaging" is so simple and yet so effective. Every parent should OWN this book...so you can highlight and go back and read again and again.


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by TranscendentalMom_
*The Secret of Parenting: How to Be in Charge of Today's Kids--from Toddlers to Preteens--Without Threats or Punishment
by Anthony E. Wolf

This is the perfect book that explains how to discipline gently and firmly. The main quality that is unique about this book is that the advice is so practical. So many books I have read on GD are so theoretical...its hard to understand how to apply the ideals to everyday situations. In Wolf's book he gives scripts...which show the logical way that conversations and arguments go based on the way you respond to your child. His idea of "disengaging" is so simple and yet so effective. Every parent should OWN this book...so you can highlight and go back and read again and again.*
Sounds too good to be true.







I will add it to the list.








Pamela


----------



## SoHappy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by ja mama_
*So happy lists "making children mind without losing yours" by Kevin Leman. I just finished it and while it has many good points, he advocates spanking in it. Thus disqualifying it as a gd resource!*
Thanks for the heads up! The list I posted was a compilation of recommendations I'd seen on this board. I'm glad somebody read it to let us know about the spanking. I'll remove it from my list, too.


----------



## wwhippetcrazy (Mar 3, 2002)

I want to add to the list
The Mother of All Toddler Books ~AnnDouglas (I think)
~ I just started it, but it seems really good, easy read so far too. Great for Canadian Momma's especially cause it has resources etc for Canada.
She also has a The Mother of All BAby books and The Mother of all Pregnancy Books too (haven't read either of them)

I always look up what a book says about bf (especially ones about "toddlers") to see what there basic ideas are. Usually if they are "ok" with extended bf they are usually pretty good with everything else. So I am basing my recommandation on this fact and the fact that it's Canadian.

Jen


----------



## mamasan (Aug 4, 2002)

I'd like to add one more book:"Hold on to your kids: why parents matter".
By Dr.Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate'.
I'm quite psyched about this new book.The co-author(Neufeld) is our local psychologist.He is big on promoting AP and natural parenting....for more info about this book you could check out thought Amazon.com ( i don't know how to post a link yet







)
or his site: www.gordonneufeld.com
I'll post my review when I'm finish his book


----------



## kimberlylibby (Dec 28, 2003)

Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel BRAND SPANKING NEW (published 02/04) and the premise is to parent the way God parents us.... lovingly.

I haven't read it, but I heard him on the radio and he is a very wonderful guy


----------



## emmalala (Dec 3, 2001)

Whole Child, Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends. The first of the spiritual parenting books. Out of print but available used. Enjoyable for dipping in when you are looking for the "big picture" but also contains book lists and practical tips. Somewhat dated and an odd mixture, but pragmatic and refreshing.


----------



## MisfitMama (Sep 4, 2003)

Hi,

I hope to find out where this list ends up, as I do not know what a "sticky" is. . .

Two books that I don't think have been mentioned, which go right along with _The Continuum Concept_ (as was originally mentioned on this thread):

1. _Spiritual Parenting_ by Hugh & Gayle Prather - good, practical advice w/ anecdotes, esp. about older children. This book is a good one, IMO, for anyone who reads _The Continuum Concept_ and thinks it's "impractical" in our culture. <<Clamping my hands over my mouth>>

2. _Your Competent Child_ by Jesper Juul. This book is extremely insightful. Lots of anecdotes, very intelligently written, based on the concept that children are innately cooperative and social. Apparently there is a more how-to version of this book (sequel) as well, but it has yet to be translated into English.









There are more books I haven't read, but are advocated by Alfie Kohn at:

http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/ptarticles.htm

And finally, there is some *excellent* info in the *excellent* book by John Holt, entitled _Teach Your Own_ -- especially in the chapter called "Living With Children." SO GOOD - and that chapter makes a good, short read for reluctant-to-read spouses and children. It gives tips on dealing with children - in a way that is totally respectful and in keeping with the way children are described in _The Continuum Concept_. I would recommend this book to people who aren't even into the idea of homeschooling. (But that's an off-topic comment!)

ONE MORE THING: I would love to know which of the books on this long, long list that is being compiled assume that children are innately social, and which ones assume that some forms of punishment (time-outs, for instance) are necessary. To me the difference is extremely important!

Thanks,

MisfitMama


----------



## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Ok, I'm getting ready to make these updates to the book list. Any more 'summaries' you want to add? Any books you want to recommend?


----------

