# talking about yourself in 3rd person



## quietserena (Apr 24, 2006)

I see this a lot in GD posts and I'm wondering whether it's a GD technique.

If DD is biting me, I say something along the lines of: "It hurt me when you bite me. " But most posts I see here say something along the lines of: "It hurts mommy when you bite her."

Is there some significance to the dissociation? In my mind the 3rd person was the equivalent of baby talk but for all I know there's an important lesson here...


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## sarahr (Mar 29, 2007)

Don't know how it fits into GD, but I use the third person when I really want to make sure DD understands because she understands it better. Pronouns are confusing because they refer to different people each time. She also refers to herself exclusively in the third person.


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## Think of Winter (Jun 10, 2004)

I never use the third person with my kids. (Well, ok, I have caught myself doing it when I'm at my wits end, and I do believe it's to dissociate.)







I think that's why my dc used pronouns correctly from about 2 yrs. The pp is interesting, though, about making sure your child understands, and that pronouns are confusing. I'd never heard that before. But I never, ever got the impression that they didn't understand who I was talking about.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I never use the third person either....
I have actually never seen it mentioned on here though! lol
But I will add that I do remember it being mentioned in Alfie Kohns 'Unconditional Parenting' book...about _not_ using it though! I dont have the book to quote though, but I remember really agreeing with him at the time.
I actually have to admit I find it really annoying. DS, just turned 3, does not have a hard time undersatnding me at all...but then again I have found that he is actually realy good with using such phrases correctly (I, me, they, them, etc)...and language has come really slow for him. Either he has been sitting there rolling it all over before he talked so he could get it just right (posibility) or the fact that I have never used things like that incorrectly (like refering to myself in the third person). Maybe its a combination! (probably).
I dont know...I just find it.... patronising.


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

I doubt if it's a GD thing. I think it's a parenting thing. I've heard EVERYONE do it.

Two words that were said in this post are how I feel about it. To me it sounds patronizing and it also disassociates you from what you're asking the child to do. It's like this mythical "mommy" wants little Johnny to do something. The woman asking it doesn't care but "mommy" does.

I've never been able to stand to hear it, it grates my nerves. My husband agrees, but it's how he was raised (his mother STILL does it, refers to herself as "mommy" and her kids are well into 40s and 30s) and it comes out at bad times.

DS has always, since he started speaking in more complex sentences, been able to use pronouns almost perfectly. He gets a little messed up with when to use her/him vs she/he, but those are complicated IMO anyway.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

I think it's easier for very small children, and then some parents just keep doing it because it's become a habit.

Before a child has a complete understanding of pronouns parents will often say things like "that hurts mommy" or "Mary must not hit" rather than "that hurts me" or "you must not hit." Kids understand proper nouns before pronouns.

Plenty of parents do fine with never simplifying their language, but for a child who is struggling sometimes simpler language helps.


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## Quaniliaz (Oct 11, 2002)

I was just thinking about this the other day. I was looking at the Sears Baby Book, and in is "tips for talking to your baby" or something close to that, one of his recommendations was to speak in the 3rd person.

I haven't ever done this with my kids (at least not regularly - perhaps i have once or twice) - and it totally grates on my nerves as well.

However, I can see how pronouns are very abstract, and can be hard to understand - perhaps if there are language issues this might be something to consider, but barring that, I personally would choose to avoid changing my language.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChetMC* 
I think it's easier for very small children, and then some parents just keep doing it because it's become a habit.

Before a child has a complete understanding of pronouns parents will often say things like "that hurts mommy" or "Mary must not hit" rather than "that hurts me" or "you must not hit." Kids understand proper nouns before pronouns.

Plenty of parents do fine with never simplifying their language, but for a child who is struggling sometimes simpler language helps.









:

The childs ability to understand abstract references in language really needs to be take into consideration.


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