# GD Bookclub: Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

FIrst book of the year: Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A Bailey

Let's start reading... find a copy and join on in! Anyone can join/read along/lurk... whatever works for you!

Currently: Getting and starting the book...

Other books on the list - feel free to add:

Unconditional Parenting - Alfie Kohn

Kids Are Worth It - Barbara Coloroso

Raising Self Reliant CHildren in a Self INdulgent World - Glenn

Siblings without rivalry - faber/mazlish

How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen so kids will talk - faber/mazlish

Simplicity Parenting

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen - hands down the book that I use the most when I parent.

Kids, Parents & Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Becoming the Parent You Want To Be by Laura Davis & Janis Keyser

Mother Nature - Hrdy

The Natural Child - Hart

Parenting from the Inside Out - Siegel/Hartzell

The Emotional Life of the Toddler - Lieberman

Without Spanking or Spoiling - Crary

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child - Gottman

What is Going on in There? - Eliot

Love and Logic (not sure which one - its a series?)


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

Rollcall... if you want to introduce yourself, please do and I'll add it here (only if you want) so we can all see who's reading along..

Me: happyinluv - I'm a sahm in NJ who is just starting out on a homeschool journey. I find I'm a better mom when I'm reading a parenting book, and would love to have company along the way... DH isn't a reader and so doesn't get it when I want to discuss a situation as it pertains TO a book...

Married to dh for 8+ years now 

Kids: ds1 - nic, 5

ds2 - joe, 3

ds3 - vin, 1


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

So, I got the book and I just started it (like 3 pages in before I fell asleep). I REALLY hope she follows through on her promises, because the intro sounds perfect! (how to change your behaviour so you childrens behaviour follows suit). Hope it works... here's to a good read!!!


----------



## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Im in.

I'll have the book in about a week.

I'll be lurking to get a heads up.


----------



## hjdmom24 (Mar 1, 2008)

I'm Holly. I live in WI. I'm a single mom to 4 very energetic, smart and challenging kids. I have 3 boys 12, 9, and 2 and a girl who is 5. I also do daycare from my home and care for two 2 yr old boys (one with special needs) and a 6 mo old girl. I have found myself slipping into old bad habits of yelling and timeouts with the kids...I don't care to parent that way and am looking forward to working through this book with everyone to get me back on track. I have read this book before but not actually done the work...I will start reading today!


----------



## samstress (Feb 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *happy1nluv*
> 
> So, I got the book and I just started it (like 3 pages in before I fell asleep). I REALLY hope she follows through on her promises, because the intro sounds perfect! (how to change your behaviour so you childrens behaviour follows suit). Hope it works... here's to a good read!!!












i know, such a simple concept, but it makes so much sense. i definitely have to become more disciplined (in certain things).

i'm sam from CA. married with one dd (3 1/2) and one on the way (due in early may). i'm recently unemployed (laid off in october). i was working as a elementary montessori teacher, but low enrollment in the elementary class made it impossible for them to keep me (i was team teaching with one other teacher). dd was attending the same school (and had been since age one) for free (one of the perks of working there). so, now, not only am i unemployed, but dd is home with me (just can't afford to keep her there). anyway, i'm looking for work, but with the current state of things (and being five months pregnant) i'm finding it difficult. not to mention, i'm feeling guilty that dd is now stuck at home with me instead of at school with her friends where she was once thriving. anyway, i've gotten off on a bit of a tangent.

i always enjoy having a parenting book to read and look forward to discussing it with you all. this one seems to be a good first choice.


----------



## spirit4ever (Nov 4, 2004)

I'm already about 1/3rd of the way through Kids Are Worth It, I'm going to see barbara coloroso in Feb, i don't want to stop, so I'll lurk until you start Kids Are Worth It!!!!

I have 3 kids,

ds1 who is 8 1/2

ds2 who is 6

and dd who is 2 1.2

I'm a work at home mom (run a govt home daycare), so I have 6 kids under the age of 6 that I care for..


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

spiritforever - i am sooo jealous! I would LOVE to see Barbara COloroso!!!!

I just finished chapter 1 and at the end of the chapter she talks about a 7 week program at the back of the book.... if there are any lurkers who have read the book already... do you know if you can do the 7 week program along with reading, or do you need to read it all the way through first?


----------



## spirit4ever (Nov 4, 2004)

I'm excited too!! my dh doesn't understand why!! I lucked out, she's giving a seminar for the parents part of my daycare seminars that I'm attending!


----------



## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

I'll join! I'm already about 3/4 of the way through it, although my library copy is due back so I need to buy it. I'm glad you chose this book as the first one because it is the ONLY one that I have started and actually read most of even though I have most of the other books on that list. I just couldn't really get into them.

I'm Sara, my oldest DS is 5.5 and my youngest DS is 2. I like this book because it works on yourself as well and I believe that is where I need to start. I grew up in a yelling (part time abusive) household and I have so much to unlearn! I also like this book because all of the lessons she teaches roll over into all aspects of life.


----------



## jensb (Jun 27, 2008)

I'm in. Currently I'm a SAHM and have been since Aug. Eventually I'll work part-time again. I can't wait to read this book (it's coming Fri).


----------



## earthworm (May 15, 2010)

I'm in too. I'm still waiting for my copy to arrive in the mail. It has a pretty vague estimated arrival time (6th to 26th of january) so we'll see!

I'm a SAHM to a 19 month old and a nearly 4 year old. Age 3 has been trying (and exciting!), to say the least.  I need more tools when it comes to discipline.


----------



## petey44 (Nov 6, 2008)

I'm in! I've been stalking this book at my library for the past week- the only copy is due back on 1/25, hopefully it will be returned before then so I can start!!

I'm a WOHM to a 28 month old DD. She's definitely getting to the challenging age, so it will be good for me to not only read about ways to keep my patience and deal with situations, but also to talk to others at the same time. I'm also a teacher, and I imagine I'll be able to use a lot of what I learn in the classroom with my students as well.

Wait, none of you are using the book from the Pikesville, MD library, are you?? I'm afraid whoever has the book checked out will just renew it instead of returning it!


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

petey4 - did you request it? if you did, they shouldn't be able to renew it... at least, thats how it works here...one of the reasons i've donated so much to my library


----------



## simple life (Apr 14, 2006)

I would love to join in. I have the book, but in general lack the the follow through to finish, but having a group to read it with will be wonderful!

I'm Julie, mom to Paul (3, almost 4!) and Dolores (1). I'm a sahm and have been married to DH for almost 5 years.


----------



## Julianito (Mar 14, 2006)

OK, I'm in. I pulled Bailey's book off my shelf and re-read the introduction (I read it when my son was 3; he's 5 now). I have been sliding into frustration and feeling bad over my DS's behavior. My boy is more challenging than most in certain situations (social or in public) so I feel like her emphasis on behavior as a learning opportunity will be helpful.


----------



## petey44 (Nov 6, 2008)

Happy1nluv, I haven't requested it- maybe I'll do that, but I also just opened an email saying that I get 25% off at Barnes and Noble for the next week- some Educator Appreciation thing- so I'm thinking maybe I'll just buy it. Especially if it's the type of book I can refer to again and again as DD hits different stages in life.


----------



## petey44 (Nov 6, 2008)

Ok, I bought it, read the first chapter- so far so good! I like the emphasis on changing yourself, I do feel like that's key- with issues with my DH, I often recite "you can't change others, you can only change yourself" through my head over and over, so I think this book will be a good fit for me. And, I also do think it will be something I can apply as a teacher with my students, so, bonus!! A multiuse book! I hope we can keep this book club going, because I think that when we get to the end and start on the 7 week plan, it will be helpful to have you all to talk through things with!!


----------



## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

I actually know Becky Bailey through my work and have almost all of her materials. I especially love her CDs. I've been to many workshops with her and have used her materials to train at least a hundred infant/toddler, preschool, and early elementary teachers.


----------



## rebirth (Oct 17, 2008)

I'd like to join, too 

I'm Cheryl, mama to my 1 yr old, Noah. We're just now getting to the stage where I need some better discipline tools, although I have a lot of nanny-ing expereince (not specifically gentle).

I'm also a birth Doula, but mainly just mama.

I'll get the book and start it this week, hopefully tomorrow or Monday!


----------



## simple life (Apr 14, 2006)

I was wondering how we were doing this. Do we read a chapter and then discuss, or just read and post questions/thoughts?


----------



## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

I think that would be nice, but I wonder if people are at different points in the book already. I'm almost done with it, but I would be willing to read it again. I haven't gotten to the seven week program yet although I'm looking forward to it. What cd's does she have? I really wish this was an audiobook but I haven't found it.


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

I'm in the middle of chapter 3... and here's my problem. I get it while I'm reading it and I can see the answer when its spelled out, but so much of it relies on you knowing WHY something just happened...

"You have a choice. You can hit your brother to get what you want or you can say 'May I have a turn'"

"You wanted your sister to move.You may not push..."

What if you don't know why? I'm in the kitchen and the boys are in the playroom. Everything seems to be going well and then panedmonium reigns and two (of 3) boys are screaming. Now what? Or when everyone's happily playing cars and one of em bonks another on the head for no reason (well none that i know of?)? Should I just memorize a few standard reasons and use those if i can't think of why they did it? (like, if he bonked him on the head he must have wanted the car he was playing with - nevermind that we have a BILLION cars?)


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

And... what do you do when your children flat out ignore you? That drives me CRAZY!! I KNOW they can all hear, because I've had their hearing checked (yes, it drives me that batty). I tell them that it bothers me, and that i'm just looking for acknowledgement... and yet they LOVE to do it!!!


----------



## mom2lucy (Jul 22, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *happy1nluv*
> 
> And... what do you do when your children flat out ignore you? That drives me CRAZY!! I KNOW they can all hear, because I've had their hearing checked (yes, it drives me that batty). I tell them that it bothers me, and that i'm just looking for acknowledgement... and yet they LOVE to do it!!!


I just finished the book and I wonder the same thing. The thing that has helped me the most from this book is the section on working on me and my reactions. I find that when I'm calm, relaxed and focused on the ideas from the book things generally go much better.

I have tried some of the other techniques (like choices and empathy) with my nearly 3 yr old and she honestly acts like I'm not even saying anything and continues what she's doing or proceeds with a tantrum.

Everything sounds so good in theory, but works much differently when put to use.

All in all I really enjoyed this book, and actually just sat down with it to skim a few parts over again.

A related question to this and other parenting books-how do you get your parterns on board with changes? DH hates to read and would never read a book, and usually gets irritated when I try to suggest he do something differently. He's a terrific parent and I bring up a major concerns, but I don't want to be overly nitpicky and get on him about everything. Just wondering how much you encourage your partners to make changes.


----------



## rainbringer (Dec 2, 2007)

I finished chapter 1. I read the book a few years ago but glad to read it again. So many quotes helpful to keep in mind on rough days.

Really liked this one

"To get new answers you must ask new questions. Catch yourself when you start to think, 'How do I get my child to __?' Stop right there and change your mindset by asking instead, 'How can I help my child to be more likely to choose to ___?"


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

mom2;ucy my dh doesnt read either....this time around im not even suggesting it...im just going to make cheatsheets and tape them up in obvious places...ill let ya know if it helps at all...


----------



## momma22boys (Jan 1, 2011)

Is it too late to join? I am Becca and I'm a SAHM to two boy ages 2yrs (Will) and 3months (Oliver). We recently moved and I'm having trouble finding gd mommas. Anyway, I'll pick up the book at the library and play catch-up! Hope thats fine!


----------



## happy1nluv (Apr 1, 2005)

Totallly fine... I was hoping to read the book a lot more quickly, but I'm only in the middle of chapter 2 so far...


----------



## mommatooth (Dec 23, 2010)

Yes! I love this book, it's the only one (of the many on the list) that I have read and decided to buy. I have gleaned helpful passages from some of the others- but this book inspires me and I have recommended it to other mommas... too bad for the awful title though- or I may have found it sooner. Can't wait to get all nerdy about it with other mommas!!


----------



## momma22boys (Jan 1, 2011)

grrrr...still waiting on my copy to arrive at the library. thinking i might just try a different library...could really use ut seeing asmy 2 year old is becoming more difficult.


----------



## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Ok, I'm ready to start the 7 week program. I read the book several months ago, but I'd say in the last month I've completely forgotten what I'm doing. Last night was the final straw, I got SO mad at DS1, I can't keep being so mad at him. What ends up happening is that I just get to my last straw in regards to patience and it's been slowly coming. I apologized this am, told him that I was sorry for yelling so much lately and that I need to have some mommy time out so I can regain my composure. I'm typing this from a coffee shop.







I think that I am just so tired of feeling like everything is a struggle, I am out of energy to figure out the "right" way to discipline and I'm so tired of saying something over and over, never to be heard. Get your shoes on, it's time to go...like 5 times. I'm tired of the constant fighting every time I ask him to do something it's NO! I don't want to. It is exhausting trying to come up with "creative" ways to do things. It's time to go, just put your &^$%& shoes on!!!!!!

Anyhoo, sorry about that crazy rant, I just needed to get that out before I burst!

So week one is harnessing the Power of Perception; owning your upset. Some things that stand out at me that I am going to work on this week (or maybe a few weeks







however long it takes me to get it ingrained) are:

-Accepting my feelings of anger.
-Realizing that only I can allow myself to be angry, no one else is "making" me be angry.
-Breathe deeply, discipline myself first, then my child.
-Forgive myself.

Also, I want to type out and print the 7 Powers for Self-Control, the 7 Basic Discipline Skills and the 7 values for living. I'm going to put them somewhere...not sure yet where, but somewhere I will look at them daily.

Anyone want to join me in this first week and offer support to one another?


----------

