# reward chart? chores? uhhhh..... advice?



## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

i've been considering making sort of a chart / poster to hang on my son's wall (he's 4.5 y.o. btw), that would be like... a table of the stuff that he's done and general "good behaviour" (like, not hitting, etc) and/or "chores" ~ keeping his room clean, helping mama with the laundry, etc. and then have like, a table with places for stickers and then when the table is full he gets a prize or reward of some kind... (yes, i am pulling this directly from my first grade classroom :LOL)

if nothing else, it could serve as a visual reminder of his behaviour.

the thing is... i don't remember it working very well when i was in school.

it just seems like every single teacher i've ever met does something like this... but....... how effective is it, really?

do 4.5 y.o.'s really "need" chores? or should me asking him to help out throughout the day be "enough"? *what is developmentally appropriate for this age, with regard to responsibility?*


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

the only charts I have found that works are the ones I make for myself...LOL and then I forget to check them and still miss doing things







.

I don't think it is harmful however it doesn't necessarily teach the proper motivation imho...I would prefer that my kids were motivated to do something out of a sense of responsibility rather than as a result of expecting a reward. The reward being the good feeling they get from being helpful and part of the family...of course my house is a little bit disorganised as a result but I am hoping in the long run they will see the value in doing their part.

both my older girls make lists though when the have a lot on their plate(they are 11 and 15) but they never had charts as kids. They keep planners(calendars) for school. They don't have "chores" as such but are responsible to feed the cats and scoop kitty litter, they get reminded by cats rubbing around their legs...I also expect them to put away their own laundry and bring me back my baskets. They do it without much trouble.

I give them an allowance each week as well but it's not a reward for chores...we all participate as a family and so we share some of the $$ with them. It's not much but it's something. Both of them have worked for
$$ at different times...they seem to be developing a pretty good work ethic.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

thanks for the input.


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## InochiZo (Aug 17, 2004)

I did a reward thing with my nieces and newphew when I watched them for a week. Now they were older but OMG! That was the biggest pain the butt. They were so focused on rewards and points. The point of the good behavior was completely lost. With my own child I think that doing things because its right and helps will be a better use of my time. Never again!


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

We use Chorganizer. my kids love it. It has a faun little reward system that goes along with it but isn't nesecary.

I like it because it gives a visual reminder of what ech child neds to do. It also has instructions for doing it. they pull the cards and put them in the pocket when they are done. (or you can be in charge of doing this and checkign to make sure it is done properly.) to be completely honest this helps me give them chance to do chores and motivates me to take the time to teach them. it is easier for me to say go play than spend the time and energy to teach them how to fold clothes and put them away. So it works for both of us. My kids have been doing it since they were 4 and 6. They love clearing that chart. and since the crad move in and out it makes it easy to rotate chores on a daily/weekly/whatever basis. It includes everything from basic daily routiens (what my 4 year old gets) to bigger.

what is approprite for a 4 year old :
basics -
brush teeth and hair, make bed, get dressed etc
clear dishes from the table and load them in the dish washer (his own. l oading the dishwasher for everyone might be tricky but he can get his cereal bowl or lunch plate rinsed and in there and any utensils. even if you have to rearrange you will starting a very good habit







)
practice memory verse (this was one my dd had. may or may not apply to you)
sweep floor
gather/sort/fold/put away laundry, hep reboot
help prepare supper
tidy room

think anything simple and slow. it doesn't have to be perfect. you are building good habits and attitudes above all else.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Oh an I would keep household chores and behavior stuff seperate (except for what was his attitude like when it came to doing his chores). they are two different things and one really has little bearing on the other. I don't know how well a behavior chart would work. I htink giving specific praise and being realy hands on in teaching good behavior (rather than just correcting bad or just modeling but actually saying, "this is what I want to see you doing and here is why. lets role play/practice . . what is a better way to do this . . .how would you feel if it were reversed? . . . . yes, thats exactly it. I am glad you remembered that . . blah blah blah" ) has been most helpful in that are for us.

I do expect my children to help with chores through out the day but the chore chart just sort of keeps us organized and on track.

also with the chart we use there is no punishment for not getting stuff done. We do use the reward system (fake money to buy little treats. we use the money for other things too. they have a blast with it) and if they don't do the work they don't get the money. and that chore is still on thier chart the next day. it has to get done by someone eventually. Sometimes it means an extra chore to do before getting your dollar. it is a very open thing so you can really use it however. the fun little pictures and stuff, and the tactile part just really helps it seem more fun. When I have something that absolutely has to get done making a list helps. I just like to see the things checked off. i gues they are the same way.


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

When we tried the chart thing with Ds (sporadically between the ages of 4 and 5) we found he became hyperfocused on everything he did in terms of whether it would get him "points" or not.

I couldn't ask him to do the simplest thing without hearing "now do I get a sticker"? If he misbehaved, and we tried to deal with it, the first thing he would say would be "do I still get a sticker"? If we answered yes, he didn't care what else we said or did about the behavior. If we answered no, it would start a huge tantrum.

He got impressively good at rules-lawyering and wheedling, but it didn't really seem to change his behavior any other way, and the emphasis he was putting on being rewarded for everything was really disturbing.


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## CraftyMommaOf2 (Mar 23, 2004)

personally, i'm not into rewards. we just make things a part of our day and eventually they seem to be sticking. kwim? my oldest is only 3, but he does really well helping out around the house. he is starting to put his things away when he is finished on his own. like, when he would get out of the tub i would ask him if he could get his tub toys out and put them by the tub where we keep them. he automatically does this now. anyway, jmho.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka*
We use Chorganizer.

Can I ask where you got this? I searched the web and couldn't find it. Do they sell them at educational stores, bookstores, ? Is there a website or a link?
Thanks!


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

Personally, I don't like the idea of a reward chart for things like household helping. For all the reasons above, but also I think there's a better way.

Why don't the two of you sit down and discuss together what chores there are to be done, what you think he could help you with, and what he would like to help you with. Together you can make a list of things. This way, he gets to be part of the problem-solving process, he owns it, and that is the motivation. And it's a more valuable life lesson than "you get a sticker!". Not to mention when the fun of getting a sticker wears off, then what do you do? The kid now has an expectation of "getting something"...but the adults sure don't get "rewards" for doing the same things...seems kind of mixed up to me.

I have mixed feelings on "chores" anyways. It would be nice to have help with things around the house, but just as I don't expect my kids to bring in a paycheck, I don't expect them to make a significant impact on my domestic duties. Simple things, like putting away their toys, etc...I can see making sense. It's taking responsibility for one's toys. In that case, the problem is really the child's (messy toys get lost/broken) and you are helping him come up with his own solution, for example.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

We have list of what needs to be done each day. You can use pictures. There is no reward for doing them. It is more of a reminder and check list.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *girlndocs*
... He got impressively good at rules-lawyering and wheedling, but *it didn't really seem to change his behavior any other way, and the emphasis he was putting on being rewarded for everything was really disturbing.*









that's what i was worried about. thank you for addressing this.







... plus i pretty much respect your opinion on everything...









Sandra, thank you for all your advice! i wanted to address this though ~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka*
what is approprite for a 4 year old :
basics -
brush teeth and hair, make bed, get dressed etc
clear dishes from the table and load them in the dish washer (his own. l oading the dishwasher for everyone might be tricky but he can get his cereal bowl or lunch plate rinsed and in there and any utensils. even if you have to rearrange you will starting a very good habit







)
practice memory verse (this was one my dd had. may or may not apply to you)
sweep floor
gather/sort/fold/put away laundry, hep reboot
help prepare supper
tidy room

1) what is "memory verse?"
2) we don't have a dishwasher but i do usually have him bring his dishes to the kitchen + put them in the sink

other than those he seems pretty spot-on with this stuff.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

http://www.lovetolearn.net/catalog.lasso?itemID=6397

here is where i got mine.

memory verse: My children have a memory verse for church each week. I put it on thier chore chart to remind them to practice because th whole little Bible club thing is thier thing. My 8 year old is ersponsible for practicing andmemorizing it herself. my 4 year old has to ask me to help her if she wants to get it done but it is her responsibility to make time and bring it up. I was mostly just going down my 4 year old's chart .

If you don't have a dish washer then either have your child wash his own plate and put it in the drying rack or dry it and put it away or just rinse and stack. My kids love to do dishes at this age and do a surprisingly good (messy but good) job.

and like I said we just do the chart for chores and I only randomly reward for stuff. I wouldn't do a reward system for things like good behavior. in our house good behavior is something that is just expected and you don't get rewarded for doing it. But for chores it just make it easier for us to have some sort of system. think of it as flylady junior :LOL

My 4 year old has stuff on it hat she does every day like school work,. making her bed, tiding her room etc and 1 or 2 rotating chores. My 8 years has all those plus 3 or 4 rotating ones.


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## LoveBeads (Jul 8, 2002)

I just want to say that we have a chart but there is no reward for doing the things on it. Well, unless you count putting the "x" in the box as a reward - for my DD that's the entire thrill!

So I am pro-chart but anti-reward chart.

Oh, and the chart was all DD's idea, too. She insisted on having one and she loves to check things off as she does them. She's mini-me! :LOL


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveBeads*
I just want to say that we have a chart but there is no reward for doing the things on it. Well, unless you count putting the "x" in the box as a reward - for my DD that's the entire thrill!

So I am pro-chart but anti-reward.

Exactly, me too! I just think the chart will be a way for them to remember "oh yeah, I have some stuff to do" and keep track of it. I think it will be fun for them to move the cards. Anything to make it fun. It also gives them some power - it is not me telling them to do xyz right now. They have the chores on the chart - do them anytime today.

Lilyka, thanks for the link!!! I had not been able to find Chorganizers anywhere (but my searching skills are not great) but did see it on lovetolearn via your link.

For anyone else who may be wanting that though - I did find it cheaper on Christianbook.com (being on that mailing list is really ironic....) Cheaper for the item and cheaper shipping. Just FYI.

I am excited to get chores started around here - my kids are 8, 4 and 1 and I am burned out on being the maid (I am terrible at it anyway so could use a little assistance).


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## Linda KS (Oct 30, 2004)

We don't use rewards but we usually have charts (right now we are in temp housing and our charts have vanished)

anyway, the kids have a morning routine and an evening routine. They are short list of what needs to be done and in what order. I just made them myself and put them in sheet protector.

When my kids were 4, I stuck with basic things like get dressed, put jammies away, eat breakfast, take plate to kitchen, feed the dog. I had my DH draw a little picture next to each thing since they couldn't read.

Once a week I would have them feather dust the living room.

The chart made it clear what was expected and gave us something to refer to. My kids do best when we are consistent, and the charts help me be consistent.

I NEED TO MAKE NEW CHARTS!


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