# How to deal with an Oedipal Complex?



## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

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## crb (Aug 22, 2005)

No direct suggestions, but I remember reading something about it in "Becoming the Parent you want to Be" - about explaining boundaries, etc.. I don't remember if "Protecting the Gift" addresses it or not. I'll try to look up the first book later and see what it says . . .

... nope, that wasn't what I was thinking of - I remember a parenting book w/ a lot of discussion of sexuality and had a very similar situation described . . . I will keep looking . . .


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## zaftigmama (Feb 13, 2004)

Are there any other unusual behaviors going on? Extreme outbursts? Anger issues? Depressive episodes?

Obviously I don't know you or your child, so I'm not saying I know what's going on. But I work with children, and overly sexualized behavior (as you've described) is noticed in bipolar children, and children with emotional disorders.

Again, I'm not diagnosing or trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but if there is any history of depression or mental illness in your family (or your partner's family) you may want to mention the sexual behavior to your pediatrician or family doctor.

And definitely explain what boundaries you're comfortable with and try to enforce it. It's so difficult with young kids.

Good luck, hope I didn't offend in any way.


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## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

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## Igraine (Jul 1, 2006)

http://changingminds.org/disciplines...us_complex.htm

An interesting link with lots of other links attached. Some interesting stuff.

My ds did some similar things, but mostly was just really tough on his daddy. I would discipline him and he would blame his dad. I would get upset with him and he would say "I don't like daddy." And daddy did not even get involved! Very frustrating. It went on for a couple of weeks very intensely and has now started to decrease. I hope it is just a phase for your child.

If you think he has bipolar disorder, I have heard and observed kids with bipolar who were highly sexualized when symptomatic. I agree the boundary issues are very important regardless of what may be going on for him (phase or mental health issue). But very hard to institute when some many other things are going on. Good luck.


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## Mamatohaleybug (Sep 3, 2004)

No advice because I haven't dealt with this and I'm not a pediatric mental health professional but I couldn't read and not give you a







. Parenting is *so* hard sometimes!!


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## mightymoo (Dec 6, 2003)

Okay, I have no background in this, I'm just reading your post and I thought I'd give my thoughts on dealing with it in the present, you already are working on getting professional help.

Perhaps you could try to focus on concrete behaviors and let slide the ones that are more gray and hard to explain. I'm imagining what these interactions may be like, so please forgive me if I'm not quite on target. For example, if he tries to kiss you on the lips, you firmly tell him no that is not appropriate, etc but if say he kisses you on the cheek but it just happens to be in a way that is more creepy than he used to, let that slide, etc. Try to think about the different actions dinstinctly and what you will allow won't allow. Perhaps you used to let him kiss you on the neck but now its over the line, so make that off limits, etc.

I think I would also be sure to seperate myself from his desires when talking to him. When he says he wants to take DH's place, think of it as he wants to be in a loving marriage like yours and tell him someday when he grows up he will find a wife he can love as much as daddy loves mommy, etc.

Just thoughts I had, not sure if they are useufl or not, but I hope you get it figured out.


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## Liz (Mar 8, 2002)

I can't help thinking this has something to do with you being pregnant. Pre-kids I used to baby sit for a little boy. When he was about 3-4 his parents broke up, and he started kissing me repeatedly and it made me uncomfortable - I know it wasn't sexual but it was over a line, and it was a little like he was testing that line. I told his Dad and his Mom called me later and grilled me, then I heard later that she'd looked into it and was told it was a possible reaction to the break up. This kid is now 18 and as far as I know has had no mental health issues.

I think he just wants you all to himself and somehow in his little head he's got the idea that that will happen if he can fill Dad's role. I really don't think his intentions are sexual since he can't possibly understand that but he knows that Dad kisses you in a different way than he does normally. Maybe just have a heart to heart with him about what it's going to be like when the baby comes and how you will always love him and try to make time for him just you two. Maybe talk about a special way he can ask for attention when he really needs it, like a special code word, some arrangement that is just between the two of you.

Just my gut feeling!

Liz


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

I'm thinking the same as Liz that it has to do with the new shape of your body. Did you go through the "how babies are born" and stuff already? Maybe getting a "scientific" kind of book (obviously for pre-schoolers) (as opposed to books that cater to the emotional side of being a big brother) may be of help... Just my thoughts, but I may be off target since I do not have any experience in this and I do not have any background...


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