# How to deal with spitting....



## hippiemum21580 (Jul 14, 2007)

One of my daycare babes, a three year old little girl, is a spitter. When she gets angry with me for setting a limit or whatever, she spits, either AT me or on my floor. And I don't mean a cute little raspberry. I mean, hawking up a hardcore loogie type spit. I have been explaining to her over and over that that is yucky and we do not spit like that and she is a very pretty young lady and ladies do not spit on floors or at people, etc.....Her mother told me to put hot sauce on her tongue but I am looking for some more creative GD ideas. I would ignore it but now my two year old is picking up on that habit........
In general, she speaks to me with a major attitude, real snide and punkish, which at first is cute cuz it's like talking to a mini 16 year old, but obviously it wears on me and I yearn for some respect! (she comes from a home like that, where they all talk to eachother, her mom has called her 7 year old sister a little b!tch right in front of me, so perhaps this is just a losing battle I am fighting?)


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## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

DS (now 4) went through a spitting age around 3. It was deliberate, when he was p*ssed at me. I would very calmly, and firmly, say, "You may not spit at mama, that is unacceptable behavior. We do not spit at people in this family." and stand up and walk away. I'll tell you, it's HARD to be calm when someone (yeah, even a little one) deliberately spits in your face!! But stating my position and calmly breaking off contact seemed to work. It took a while, but he stopped doing it after a few times.







s


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## Hera (Feb 4, 2002)

It's always better to tell them what they _can_ do instead of what they can't do. Also, if you can stay really calm about it, they won't think "cool! I made hippiemum really excited!" Honor the impulse. "You felt frustrated when I said you couldn't swing on the curtains. I want to hear how you feel about that, but I don't want you to spit at me. Would you like to find a place where you can spit?" I always distracted with toothbrushing. "Oh, you want to spit! We spit in the sink when we brush our teeth. Here, let's go try it!" Or, you can give her a cup and let her get water, swish it, and spit in the sink. I'd avoid the whole "pretty little lady" speech, it would make me want to spit too. Hot sauce is cruel and dangerous.


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## blissbabies (Jul 12, 2006)

Thanks for bringing up this topic, I have a spitter myself. My little lady is snide and punkish at three years old, in a perfectly respectful calm household, I almost wish my house were full of snide punkish people because then it would make more sense. I am going to try the ideas I've seen so far here. The problem is she is so stubborn in every area, never does she listen, no manner if discipline or coaxing can make her change her mind. My other two have reacted well to my attached style of parenting, but Pip squeak is another story. I know its a little off topic, but would you guys mind elaborating on what Gentle Discipline is exactly?


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

We dealt with this for a bit, and I agree with Hera and BlueStateMama.

Quote:

she is a very pretty young lady and ladies do not spit on floors or at people, etc.....
No offense intended, but I'd encourage you NOT to use this as a reason. Would it be okay if a boy were hawking loogies at you? No, but that's the impression this statement gives. If I were that girl, I'd be thinking that being a girl and pretty means I don't get to do what I want.


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## ruhbehka (Nov 5, 2006)

Give her an alternative way to express her anger.

Say something simple like, "I can see that you are very angry. You may not spit. Say, "I'm getting really mad!"* "

* or "If you're angry, you can yell, like this: "AHHH!"
or "Say, "I don't like that!"
or however you would like her to express her displeasure.


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## butterfly_mommy (Oct 22, 2007)

When I worked in the preschool room and I had a child spit at another child or me or on the floor etc when I mad. I would say "I don't like it when you spit at me, bobby, floor, etc. I understand you are mad and that is ok, you can tell me you are mad. If you need to spit you may do it in the sink" Of course remain calm and cool


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## carfreemama (Jun 13, 2007)

Spitter here, too--or, thankfully, ex-spitter. My dd sounds a lot like yours, blissbabies! She'll be 4 the end of February. She gets this tiny, sweet little arm resting on her nonexistent hip, which is tilted just so. Really, it's so hard not to laugh but she is SOO serious! Spitting, though; nothing cute about that. Big gobbers right at someone; often in anger, but not always. NO idea why or where it came from. We were horrified. There's something about spitting...socially, we knew we had to stop it, fast. There's just no slow way to deal with this, IMO. Understandably, peoples' reactions were such that we knew she would alienate potential friends pretty quickly with that behaviour; so, uncharacteristically for us, we made a blanket policy of leaving whatever situation we were in immediately, the first time, if she spit. This meant leaving long-planned playdates, library visits, the playground, whatever. We just had to have zero tolerance. She's a lovely, funny, smart, considerate, intoxicating mix of little-girl-tomboy who was about to turn off a whole pile of people (we had just moved to a new, very kid-friendly neighbourhood) with this behaviour. We did all the redirecting things people mentioned, but we also held firm. I'm not sure when it stopped, but it did. She still sticks her tongue out at people when she's mad and can still be a bit bratty in other ways at times, but spitting was our one big behaviour issue so far. The other stuff I feel we can just work on over time; it's nothing too extreme. God knows where this attitude comes from so young. I really didn't see it coming!


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## hippiemum21580 (Jul 14, 2007)

Thank you so much for the input. I like the spitting in the sink idea and will try to do that. And than you for pointing out how it comes across with my little "ladies don't spit" speech. Hadn't really thought about it in that way but I do agree and won't push that anymore. Hope this phase will pass!


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## kindacrunchy (Jun 25, 2004)

This was one of my proudest gd situations. My then 3 yo started spitting. He started doing that on top of many other undesirable behaviors. I was totally at my wits end and was about to burst. In the most calm voice I could muster up I told him that I knew he was experimenting what his body could do but he could only spit in the sink or outside. Then I handed him a paper towel and made him clean it up. Every time he spit, I would hand him a paper towel and then direct hime either outside or in the sink. The habit didn't last. It's pretty much a non-issue. Occasionally he'll do it and we do the same thing.
Good Luck!


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## mommyabroad (Dec 2, 2004)

I second the "spitting is for sinks" approach -- and agree that it is helpful to tell kids what they can do with their urges. So it's not that spitting is bad, simply that spitting at people is unacceptable. When I taught preschool, there was a spitter in class. Whenever he spit, I'd go with him to the bathroom and encourage him to get all of his "spits out." He'd spit and spit and spit in the sink and that would be the end of it for the day. And then he just stopped spitting altogether.


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## leewd (Aug 14, 2005)

Thanks for posting this! I really like the ideas I've seen.

But if you don't mind me redirecting the question a little bit . . .

My 3.5 yo DD is more of a raspberry blower. Rarely does the spit really come out, so I don't think the "spit in the sink" thing will work.

She does it in the same circumstances as the OP described (i.e. You need to X. I don't want to *spit*).

It makes me and DH furious and I know that doesn't help.

Any more ideas?
Thanks!
--LEE


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## DavinaT (Jun 28, 2005)

I agree with loracx on this.
I used to get the nice gilrs don't cry. I used to say to me - Repressing your emotions is a good thing to do.
It used to make me


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