# sad to say i'm new here



## tinawoman (Feb 28, 2003)

5 and a half weeks ago my life turned upside down when i gave birth to my beautiful baby boy who never tried to breathe, had no heartbeat and nothing worked to bring him back. he was 41.5wks. i'm still reeling. this thursday we are finally having a memorial for him. the coroner still doesn't have an answer, but we are awaiting more tests results to come back.

in the process i'm in a living hell that some days seems like will never end. i was doing pretty well for a little while there, but as we started planning the memorial i have started sinking deeper and deeper into a depression. i so want to fast forward and be out of this...i want to be pregnant again and holding a new baby in my arms...i want to be happy again. i'm so tired of being sad and angry.

my 3.5yr old is definitely affected greatly by all this...my husband and i fight and my daughter is acting so atrocious i'm embarassed to take her in public for fear she'll put on a scene. the tantrums and whining make it absolutely unbearable to be around her and my lack of patience right now doesn't help. some days i just wish we could stay in bed all day and not deal with anything.

i guess i'm just wondering if anyone here can help me not feel so alone...how do i deal with my daughter without losing it? i really am at my whit's end with her. feel like the worst mommy in the world sometimes...and other times i just don't care. don't get me wrong, i'm not abusive...physically or verbally...just not patient and not particularly kind these days.

and my pain over this loss just seems to be getting deeper, not better...last nite i went grocery shopping by myself and realized i was starting to feel nearly physically raw from all the emotional pain...like i don't want to be touched cuz it would actually physically hurt...and i spent much of that shopping trip telling god off in my head. i mean really cursing him out!

i also am wondering if i might be pms'ing...which might explain the intensity of emotions i've experienced the past couple days...i sincerely hope i am because i want to get pregnant again asap. i was told to wait 3 cycles and i am eagerly awaiting my first one.

anyway, i just need a place to find people who understand...and i have not been particularly comfortable at the other message boards i have tried out that have stillbirth boards..then it occurred to me that mothering boards might be better because not only would i find someone who's suffered a similar loss, but also people who parent similarly to me...it is much more comforting to me knowing that.

i hope to be able to get to know some of you here and hopefully begin to heal, if that's at all possible. i don't see an end to this pain at this point and i know its still early, but wow, this really sucks BIGTIME.

tina
mommy to maeven, 3.5yrs and our angel baby boy, baelin, stillborn 4/17/04 at 41.5wks for reasons still unknown


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## karenpl (Dec 18, 2001)

{{{{{ Tina }}}}}

I am so sorry for your loss, how heartbreaking! I think it is totally normal to be sad and angry and not to cope well. I haven't had a stillbirth, but I have had way too many miscarriages, and it just is impossible not to let them impact you, and not to be sucked into a depression for a while. Very normal, you need time to grieve, time to heal.

Do you have any friends who could help you with your daughter? Maybe taking her on a fun outing for a few hours so you have time for yourself, to rest or whatever else you want to do? Or another mom with a 3yo who could come over and the kids can play together and you have a grownup to talk to, cry on her shoulder?

{{{ HUGS }}} again.

Karen


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Oh Tina...I am so sorry for your loss of Baelin. My heart aches right now for you. My daughter died on March 26, just a few weeks before Baelin.
I am not going to try and tell you anything..except you are so loved here. You are wanted and needed here. What you share in your posts will most definitly help not only yourself, but another mama in her journey of losing her child.

I can understand about your daughter and the feelings you are having right now. I have two other children 5 & 3....and they are definitly affected my the death of our daughter, their sister. I too felt as you...not tolerant, not patient and it was so hard to say out loud how I felt toward my other children







...I honor you and your feelings.









I have had to say over and over to myself, when dealing with my boys, "compassion and love, compassion and love, compassion and love". Have I been perfect?...HELL NO!!! Have I made good choices all of the time in regards to them since Gracie died?...NOPE...Have I secretly wish that I was alone and I didn't have to parent them right now?...I sure have...

I want to say that it will get better...but I hated it when people said that to me...I still do. I want to say that the pain someday won't be so bad...But I hate that too...I want you to know that Baelin knows how much you loved him and how terribly you miss him...but that just made me cry harder...even though all these things are true and I didn't want to hear any of them...please know, please, please, please...that we here on this board _*KNOW*_ your pain.

There is a great book that was given to us when Gracie died. It is called "We were going to have a baby but had a angel instead"...it is a book for children about infant loss. I sobbed the first few times I read it to my kids....but now I can read it without sobbing. They love this book, they always have lots of questions and it not only has helped them, it has me also...

So much love to you Tina....I wish I could hold you right now and be at Baelin's memorial service to help support you. It is so hard honey...I am so sorry for you and your family.































~Jackie


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## muse (Apr 17, 2002)

Tina, you are anything BUT a "bad mom" right now...you are reacting in a perfectly natural way to a devastating loss....it must be so impossible to be able to be there for your daughter at the same time as going through a grieving process. Please be gentle with yourself, get all the help and space you can. Maybe look into some short term counseling to give yourself space to explore your feelings. Grief is a necessary part of the healing process. if you were pushing all those feelings down to be able to be fully with your daughter they would just pop up again at some point, and I think it's so important to acknowledge and give space to those feelings to be able to feel ready to ttc again. I've never suffered a stillbirth, but know that even after two miscarriages relatively early on I just needed to stop, spend whole days in bed or crying or just lying on the couch, and Dh needed to take our son away and give me that space. Take care of yourself, and know that you are not alone.


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

tina-
I'm so sorry for your loss of Baelin. Wow, there are so many of us stillbirth mamas here now.

I lost my first child, my ds, Nazir in December-- I can very much relate to the raw-ness of your feelings. We are here to be on this journey with you.

Sending you peaceful vibes as you prepare for Baelin's memorial...


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

I'm sorry that you've had to find this board. I know I wasn't thrilled knowing I needed to be looking for a board to discuss stillbirths. However, I am ten weeks into my grief of losing my son Connor and I couldn't even begin to tell you the number of emotions that have gone through me.

However, I have found comfort and support here. I am positive that you will find the same for the loss of Baelin.


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Oh Tina, I'm so sorry.







. There really is nothing more to say but I so wish I could say something to magically take some of your pain from you. Please don't feel guilty about your daughter, if you can take advantage of some of the suggestions here such as having a friend take your daughter for an outing. For me, I've only had miscarriages, but I know that with my last, I spent an entire week on the couch, about 3 weeks into my loss, I just got to the point where I couldn't take it any more. I had tried to shove that grief down and not deal with it, but boy, it came back to slap me in the face.
Please know that you are thought of here and we're here for you unconditionally. I too wish I could got to Baelin's memorial to support you. But I will be thinking of you and sending you healing vibes.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

I dont know what to say except how sorry i am that this has happened.


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## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

((((((( tina ))))))) I am so terribly sorry for you loss of your sweet little boy. This is a safe and nurturing place you can come, whatever you need to say. There are many loving mamas here who have known deep grief.

Maybe on the Finding Your Tribe boards you could figure out if there are MDC mamas near you, and perhaps pm them -- I'm thinking so you could get some extra support with your 3 year old? I can't imagine how hard that must be to try to be there for her when your pain is so raw. Maybe someone else could offer her some diversion better? I don't know.
















mamabutterfly


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## berkeleyp (Apr 22, 2004)

Tina - I am so sorry for your loss. Baelin is a beautiful name. I too am very new to this site and new to my grief. My daughter Julianna was born without a heartbeat at 40 weeks. As another new member - I would like to welcome you wholeheartedly to this forum. I have already found much comfort here in just a few days and hope that you will find the same. My heart goes out to you. Memorials can be very hard. We buried my daughter within one week and I think that it has really helped me in my grieving so far. It is heartbreaking but it gives a kind of closure to tragedy.


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## ksjhwkr (Apr 1, 2003)

Oh Tina, I am SO sorry for your loss. You need to know that whatever you are feeling right now, is normal and valid. Please don't think otherwise. You are a grieving Mom. You are in so much pain, and that is totally normal.
I am Kim, my daughter Emma died very unexpectedly on August 23, she was 8 months old. I came here for many of the same reasons you did.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinawoman*
my pain over this loss just seems to be getting deeper, not better...last nite i went grocery shopping by myself and realized i was starting to feel nearly physically raw from all the emotional pain...like i don't want to be touched cuz it would actually physically hurt...and i spent much of that shopping trip telling god off in my head. i mean really cursing him out!

I feel this way so often. I would take walks everyday and just YELL at God in my mind. I still do. The pain isn't as raw now, but it is still SO real. Last night I cried and cried and cried. It isn't everyday, but I still do it. Just know that this is a wound that is SO deep and SO real, please be gentle with yourself.

I don't know what to tell you about your sweet daughter, Emma was our first, so I didn't have anyone else to take care of. Either way it is hard, just a different kind of hard.

You may want to see if there are any Compassionate Friends groups that meet in your area. They have really helped dh and I. Their website is www.compassionatefriends.org.

It is with heavy heart that I welcome you here. I wish you didn't need to be here, but am glad you found us. Again, please be gentle with yourself.


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## tinawoman (Feb 28, 2003)

in answer to some of the responses...

i do have a lot of support...more than i need actually...i have a very large community of women here locally in the ap mommies group i started...and many of them are very dear friends. i have been connecting regularly with several of them and its deepening our friendships...and my daughter does get plenty of playtime...we are very active in our local homeschooling and AP mommy community and i'm getting back into just taking her to parks and such with my mom. also my mom doesn't work and is available at any time to help me with maeven and frequently does. i'm very lucky in that i have tons of support. it was a little overwhelming initially actually. but nice now.

there is also a local network of help called hinds hospice that offers an angel baby network for those of us that have lost babies...so i have help. i am actually getting ready to call them to find out about getting some counseling for my husband and i because i think we really need it. we needed it before i got pregnant, we really need it now. i have to say, though, that this has drawn us closer together and brought back a closeness to us that we hadn't had in awhile. it comes and goes though...during some of the rough spots i just can't stand to be around him lately. so i want to get some counseling and work through all this. he agrees.

so thankyou very much ladies for all your concern and caring. i do have live help, but i just like to have a place to come online as well and really wanted to connect with some mamas who've been there. i actually have run into several mamas who've suffered stillborn loss too, here locally, but i just was wanting something more i guess.

gotta go, my little one needs me. she's actually having a fairly good day today so i don't want to screw that up.









tina


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Oh Tina, I'm so glad to hear you have help IRL, that makes me at least feel better. The thought of you alone with just your feelings and others that are grieving with you was hard. (that probably sounds weird, but really I just wanted to know you had some real shoulders to lean on)
I hope the memorial goes as well as it can. I'll be thinking of you.


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## sarahbay (Oct 30, 2003)

I can't imagine what you're going thru, but we can try to be strong for you while you're going thru it!!!! I'm sure you've heard it before, but your daughter is probably going to come out ok in time, I know when my little guy was going thru stress I heard "it's just a phase, he'll grow out of it" like a million times, but it does help to hear that anyway.

I'm so so sorry for you and your little son, don't forget we all love you and your little baby and are here for you if you need to vent


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I am so sorry that you had to find this board. But I want to let you know that this is the most caring and concerned group of women that I have ever met. They have gotten me through the rough patches since losing my daughter, and I hope they can help you as well.

It is really great that you have so much support in real life. But still sometimes after a loss real life gets you down. I remember days when I really didn't want to deal with Ds. He has had an intense temperment since brith and having me greiving didn't make things better. There were days when I just couldn't take one more tantrum. Sometimes I even left the room when he started screaming. I felt horribly guilty. I can remember hitting bottom and telling my husband that Arawyn had chosen to die rather than be stuck with me for a mother. I cried so hard that night. But I know that isn't true. I know that trying to find blame is a part of grief. I am a good mother even if I can't always be as patient as I would like. You are a good mother as well. A good mother facing a tragedy no mother should ever have to face. Some days you may not be as patient as you like, but you and your daughter will get through it. I am sure that she is distraught and confused right now. She may feel guilty that the baby died, or upset that you are upset. If you share your feelings with her she will be able to see that grief is a normal healthy process, and it takes time to heal. And she will also be able to see that her mother loves her, and all of her siblings.

I think couples therapy would be a great thing. A tragedy of this magnitude can rock the strongest marriage. And you want your relationship to be strong before you begin the trial of a pregnancy after loss. Most of all take care of yourself, and be gentle with yourself. It is all to easy to be hard on yourself at a time like this, and you don't need that. Remember that you are a good mother and you love your children and that is what is most important.


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## hmpc2 (Jul 1, 2003)

Tina & BerkleyP~ I am so sorry for the both of your losses. It is hard and such raw emotions when you lose a little one. You are both welcomed here with wide open arms. I am just sorry you had to find us.

Tina~ when I read your post I remembered and almost relived those emotions from when I lost my daughter, Adia. I can relate to just searching for someone, anyone who could relate to the gut wrentching pain I was experiencing. So I hope that you find some peace and comfort here.

I am very relieved to know that you have support IRL...that is always helpful. Hugs....


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss.

I would really try and take some time for yourself right now. Finding time to grieve can be really hard but if you don't take that time it can cause a lot of angry painful feelings to build up. Maybe you and your dh need some time together for this as well.

Counseling would probably help a great deal in heloing the two of you work through your loss. Not, that I am suggesting of course that the two of you will get over it or anything but that it might help the two of you lean on each other a little better rather than grieving seperately.

I will be keeping you in my prayers.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Tina, a warm and gentle welcome to you







. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

It sounds like the numbness has worn off and now your left with some very raw emotions. Please feel free to lean us for support or just a shoulder to cry on.


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## tinawoman (Feb 28, 2003)

you all are very kind...i'm happy to have found my way here.

i'm back to numb again, i think...last week was the memorial, finally, and directly preceding it i found myself very deep in sadness as i planned the memorial. it went really well, though. i dreaded it and looked forward to it at the same time. we planted a garden for baelin. it is really beautiful and we are struggling to keep it alive as summer heat has kicked in and these plants seem to be getting droopy. but they will hang in there, if i have anything to say about it.

if you would like to see baelin's pages, read about his birth, etc...email me at [email protected] and i will send you the link. i don't want to post it because i'm not sure i'm allowed to and also i don't feel comfortable leaving here for the general public to stumble upon. its very personal. i put a lot my feelings and private thoughts into writing on it and i am happy to share with you all but not with joe schmoe that might stumble upon this site.

there are also pics of baelin. and of all the family and friends working together on his garden. i plan to put up more pics of the garden as it progresses...it still needs some work and there are rocks that the children painted that we will be putting in once i finish sealing them and a sign to designate it as his garden once his daddy makes it. there will be more.

we went to our first counselling session last nite. i don't know if it will help, but i was glad to go. it went well. we have another appt in 2wks.

well thankyou again for all your kindness. i'm so angry and sad i have to be here, but here i am nonetheless.

my daughter needs me now...bye!

tina


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

tina,
What a beautiful, beautiful webpage you have for Baelin. Thank you for sharing it. He's just a beautiful baby.
Good luck with the counseling. It will probably be very helpful. Please keep us posted on how you're doing- physically and emotionally.
ST


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Tina,
Thank you for sharing Baelin's pictures...the web site...it is all so beautiful!!
I simply cried huge tears while reading your story and when I saw your perfect Baelin...he is so damn sweet!!! And your daughter helping witht he garden...she is such a princess...
I am happy that you are willing to share with us your pain...I too am sad that I have to be here...however...here I am.

Blessings to you Baelin's mama....


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Tina, the website is very beautifully done. He is such a beautiful baby. Reading about your mother and you in the room with Baelin between you just made me cry so hard. Your strength is very inspriring to me.
I'm so glad that Baelin was able to give you a vaginal birth but so sad he had to move on to more important things so soon. Without ever breathing, he's touched so many.


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## tinawoman (Feb 28, 2003)

thankyou all so much...i'm glad you like baelin's webpages...it was very therapeutic creating them. he does look just like a sleeping angel doesn't he? that's the thing that really got me, i think...that he didn't look dead...he looked absolutely perfect, and like he was just sleeping. he was so round and chubby (big hands!) and healthy looking! *sigh*

i recently posted about my discipline problems i'm having, on the gentle discipline board...and i've yet to get any response. its kind of making me sad. if anyone here has any advice for me, i'd love to hear it...you might have to look down the board some now as the last i looked there had been not a single response. maybe people don't know what to say?

tina


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Tina,
I, too, have had my share of stuggles with my two other children, ages 3 & 5 since my daughter died.
If you would like to share what is going on here or in an email to me...I will see if I can pass any suggestions to you.
I understand the behavioral problems, the regression, the anger that both my children have been experiencing in the last 9 weeks.
I hope that I can help out...let me know...

love to you...


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## tinawoman (Feb 28, 2003)

its possible i would be having these problems anyway, since my daughter has always been rather high strung and emotional.

but its the screaming and crying at the drop of a hat that are just driving me INSANE!!









she's always been prone to crying and screaming, and i swear not a day goes by that we don't deal with both, quite a lot. it does seem kinda magnified now though...and i'm not sure if its the recent stress or being 3 or both. probably both.

i'm sure its also affected by myself and my husband needing to self-medicate by pulling away to focus on things that make us happy, which usually involves a significant amount of computer time. at a time when maeven wants and needs more time herself...but its sooooo hard because my patience is just GONE and some days are so bad i just really don't even want to be around her! she acts just so dreadful! yelling and snapping and sassy and whining oh the whining!! and wanting to be held all the time, carried because "my legs are tired!!" (yeah ok, you've walk one foot, you are NOT tired!) she just wants to be close to me, i know...and not so much with daddy, mostly me. but its so draining!

i'm trying to focus more on her...not do so much around the house and just be with her more...i suspect that will help significantly...if i can just get myself to do it consistantly...i just keep pulling away. its like this unseen force is driving me to pull away from her and my dh constantly. i really want to be alone! not possible, unfortunately. not enough, at least. i can drop her off at my mom's when i need to...but i feel so guilty because what's the point of being a sahm if you're not with your kid! i really do want to be here for maeven, i just can't seem to pull it together lately!

anyway, my main thing is that i know what i NEED to do to try to stave off some of this stuff (focus more on quality time with maeven...really shower her with love and affection)...but i don't know what to do when it does happen...the yelling and screaming...oh especially from owies...oh man, is she dramatic...every little bump and scrape gets a shriek like she's losing a limb. it grates on my last nerve and i find myself yelling at her to stop yelling!! (oh like that really helps, argh) i know when i'm doing this stuff i shouldn't, but no patience for the screaming! again, i'm trying to be more sympathetic, but also trying to encourage her to tone it down...don't know if i'm doing her a disservice by asking her to not shriek for every little owie...she does seem to experience them all at the same reaction level, despite the actual pain level. i figure she needs to learn that big owies get big shouts, little owies get little "ow ow ow" sounds that are not so hair raising. but she doesn't get it. they are all big owies to her. i want to be able to know if its something i should run for or not overreact over. i don't run even when she shrieks now, and i'm afraid that someday she's going to have a big thing happen and i'm not going to respond fast enough.

anyway, there's so many issues, but these are my biggest. and like i said, i do know what i need to do to set up a better home environment for maeven...work on routine mealtimes and bedtimes, etc...but i'll be darned if i can get it done!

tina


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

Tina,

I wanted to say first how sorry I am for you and your family. I know you have probably heard it already, but how you are feeling and reacting are perfectly normal, that's the nature of grief and grieving. You have gotten a lot of great advice already. My son was about 4 1/2 when my daughter was stillborn, so they were similar in ages, and I wanted to share what was most helpful in the crying and screaming with ds. Have you been able to go over your son's death calmly and quitely with her? We gave a simplified explanation of what happened, looked at pictures, telling him it wasn't his fault, that sometimes babies just don't "grow right" inside and we don't know why, but it was nothing he did and that nothing woudl happen to him. We found that ds needed details, many of them not things that we would have thought to discuss (is she wearing clothes, does she have blood, what do people eat in heaven, off the wall questions like that). He needed concrete simple information. And he needed to be told it was okay to be angry/sad/mad/whatever he was feeling about her death. And then, we stood in middle of the living room and stomped our feet and cried and screamed. I have to say, that explaining it to him, over weeks and weeks of small conversations, was very helpful to me, as I had to explore what I felt and why I thought certain things. I learned that "I dont know" is an okay answer to a child, when said honestly and sincerely. It was also a good time for me to explore our faith and religious beliefs with him. And letting him know that I was sad and angry gave him permission to express that as well. It took us a while to realize that he was proud of her just like we were, and proud that he was a big brother. We needed to reinforce that he would always be her big brother. Just the other day, he said "I am the youngest in our house but Baby Sam is the youngest in our family".

I hope that the counseling helps you. Dh and I found that it was very helpful to us, and it also allowed us to work on some other issues that were clouding the grief issues. We began having a regular date night (which we had never done before), and while it seems counter intuitive to be a SAHM and leave your child, it was important for us to focus on each other and helping each other heal, and we couldn't always do that openly with a little one around. It also helped to focus on each other and being happy for a little while, and giving ourselves permission to be happy was a big step.

I wish I could tell you that it will get better quickly, but it probably won't. You will have good days and bad days and really bad days, but at some point in time, you will realize that you went a whole hour without thing about your baby and crying, or maybe a day even, and the moments of intense sadness will get further apart. I hope these boards offer you a place to come and get support, and be a sounding board, or whatever you need us to be.


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Tina, I can't offer advice on your daughter, but the others seem to really know what they're talking about. I did want to say a couple things though.
1. Please feel free to come here and talk about it as much as you want/can, in reading your last post I thought that maybe just writing it could have been theraputic.
2. Don't feel guilty now. The ideal of being a stay at home mom is just that, the ideal, if you can't cope though you're not going to be the ideal mom, whether you're with her or not--I hope this doesn't sound bad, it's not meant to and when I read it I think it could be taken a way I don't mean it. Basically, it's qualitly of time, not quantity and your feelings are so normal adn I just hate the thought of you beating yourself up over not being the best you can be at a time when nobody should expect you to.
Take care and I hope some of the other moms can help more than me.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Tina, your daughter sounds alot like my son. He has always been a high needs child, and after losing Arawyn things got worse. I don't know if it was because he was upset about losing his sister or because I was more upset and high strung. I think it may have been a little bit of both. some things that helped me were getting away occasionally. I know you feel guilty leaving her, and I felt the same way, but you need time to be by yourself and heal, and your daughter needs you to have that time. You will find that you have more patientce if you give yourself some time every day just for you. I found that exercising gave me more energy and helped drop my stress level. It helped me get through the screaming fits without losing my head. I don't know if your daughter's screaming over little owies has more to do with wanting your attention or if it has more to do with her worries over her brothers death, but there are some things you can do. First I think queencars idea of going over the death with her, and discussing things with her may help. Small children don't really have a firm grasp of death, neither do many adults for that matter, let her know that you are sad and that it is ok for her to be sad to. Also reasure her that your love for her hasn't decreased. I found that Kearnan really needed me to let him know that I loved him and his sister. He is almost three and unable to voice this need, but by my reassuring him many times that I loved him and that his sisters death in no way lessened my love for him seemed to help. When she screams about a small ouchie you could try saying something like "That must really hurt you. maybe a kiss from Mommy will help it feel better." You may find that your acknowledgement is all she needs, or you may find that she is harboring fears that these little owies may lead to her own death. If this is the case, then a candid discussion will help allay her fears. As far as the screaming and whining goes, I don't know exactly how to help. When Kearnan gets a really good fit going, and I feel like I am going to lose it I try to just walk away. Some days he is really hurt, or just needs some attention and reasurance, and at those times a hug and some redirection do the trick, but there are times when he is just frustrated and he doesn't want hugged or played with, he just wants to scream. At those times I allow him to get his anger and frustration out. I check to make sure that he is in a safe place and then I let him go. I will go far enough away that the screaming doesn't hurt my ears, but I can still see him. Then I just wait for him to calm down. With out an audience for his tantrum he calms quickly, sometimes it takes longer because he is really mad and needs to get all of that tough emotion out. But when he is done I reassure him, and we go back to playing happily. I look at it like the times that I need to cry. I don't necessarily want to be held or reasured I just want to be left alone to get my emotions under control. When I am done I want some reasurance and then I want to go on about my day. Small children feel the same way.

Wow I just wrote a book. I hope some of that helps you. I just want you to know that you are not alone. It can be hard to deal with everything in the wake of such a loss. You need to remember that you have to attend to your needs as well as the needs of your daughter. If you are stressed and at your breaking point then you won't be able to help her. Give your self a break sometimes to think and to mourn. You will begin to feel better, and so will your daughter.


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## Shakti (Nov 20, 2001)

tina,







I am very sorry for your loss. I really don't know what to say to help with your DD. However, I wanted to suggest that you also see a good practitioner of homeopathic medicine. When I had my miscarriage, mine gave me Ignatia for grief. It was totally amazing. It does not take away the emotional pain - nothing can do that, even though time will make it recede a bit. However, it does make the grief easier to bear. The way my naturopath explained it is that the Ignatia makes your whole being large enough to contain the grief, and that is exactly what it felt like to me.

My thoughts are with you.


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## Welovedante (Dec 18, 2003)

Tina, thank you for sharing Baelin's webpage and photos. My heart broke reading your story, but I'm so glad he was blessed to have you for his mom - you so obviously love and care for him. (I hope this doesn't offend you - I'm not very practiced at saying things that I feel...)

Regarding your daughter, I don't have much advice except possibly to try and be kind to yourself - this will help you have more patience with her later. All the other posters above have given great ideas about ways to interact with her. Good luck! (I'll try to go find your post in GD, and give it a bump)


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

~tina, thinking of you today~


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

Tina- I have been thinking about you alot lately....I am still here for you if you want to talk about ANYTHING (related to your huge loss. Or not)
I really don't know what to say to help with your DD. When I lost Emily, I had no other children to take care of.... But it sounds like your mother & the other AP mammas are there for you.








Im thankful for that!

PM me for my phone # if you want it.....

ALSO I would *LOVE* to see your beautiful son's website! Please honor me And share it.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Tina,
Been thinkin of you a lot these past few days...Just wanted to send you lots of love and to let you know you are been thought of.


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