# friend got a "big boy booster" seat- do you say anything?



## BethSLP (Mar 27, 2005)

Hi mamas,

I'm wrestling with an issue and would love input. I (like many MDC mamas) am vigilant about car seats, my kids RF longer than anyone I know IRL, and they will be in a 5 pt harness as long as possible. I try not to be preachy, but I wonder how much I am supposed to share with other moms on this issue?

One of DD's classmates (and one of her very favorite friends) just got a "big boy booster seat." His mama called it that when she posted the picture on Facebook. I don't know the mother extremely well, but we are chummy at the kid's school, always go to eachother's b-day parties and have met for dinner before parent's night. So we are closer than just acquaintances. We have talked about setting up some playdates this summer, but haven't yet.

Do I say anything to her? My fear is that its hard to not come off as a smug parent or that the underlying message is somehow that they are bad parents for not having "the best" for their kids. So I tend to think I should just stay out of it. However, I watch the video Kyle David ******'s parents put out, and it just breaks my heart. The whole "if I had only known" part of this issue bugs me. What if something happens to that precious boy and I could have said something?

I worry too that if I send her a link to that, it will communicate some kind of judgemental vibe or that if they choose to continue using the booster seat that I'm going to judge them when they roll up for a playdate. argh.

Don't know what to do.
XOXO
B


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Kyle David ****** died because his seat belt failed, not necessarily because he was in a booster (though I agree he shouldn't have been in a booster). Had he been in a 5 point harness his seatbelt would STILL possibly have failed and he would have been ejected while strapped into his carseat. He was beyond the LATCH limits.

I never understood the point of using his death (which was seat belt failure) to encourage longer harnessing.

Anyway, you don't mention how old the child is. If he's 4 or 5 I wouldn't say a thing.


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## seagull (Jun 29, 2005)

First I would want to know the weight, height and age of the child. I have been reading lately that there isn't proven data to support use of a 5 point harness over a booster seat for a child who fits and sits correctly in the booster.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Unless the kid is 2 or 3 yrs old, I wouldn't say anything.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Anastasiya* 
Kyle David ****** died because his seat belt failed, not necessarily because he was in a booster (though I agree he shouldn't have been in a booster). Had he been in a 5 point harness his seatbelt would STILL possibly have failed and he would have been ejected while strapped into his carseat. He was beyond the LATCH limits.

I never understood the point of using his death (which was seat belt failure) to encourage longer harnessing.

Because of the accidents that have apparently happened where the carseat is found away from the car with a live and relatively healthy baby still buckled up?

Mind you I have no idea if any of those stories are true, it's just that they might be contributing to the idea that being harnessed would've made a difference.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Because of the accidents that have apparently happened where the carseat is found away from the car with a live and relatively healthy baby still buckled up?

Mind you I have no idea if any of those stories are true, it's just that they might be contributing to the idea that being harnessed would've made a difference.

I can see how an infant carrier (with it's rigid shell practically surrounding the infant) could protect a baby better if ejected, but a convertible seat with an older child? Imagining the dynamics of that cause me to shudder. That's a whole lot of seat and child flying around in a vehicle.

Anyway, surviving an ejection or experiencing seat belt failure are both pretty rare.


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## BethSLP (Mar 27, 2005)

the child just turned 4. I don't know his height/weight. But he is smaller than DD who is 41 1/2 inches and 38 lbs.

You are all making me feel better about this situation.

As for the Kyle David ****** story, I always figured it was because his seat would have been tethered if he had been in a 5 point and it would have given his seat an additional anchor to the car (if the seat belt failed).

XOXO
B


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BethSLP* 
the child just turned 4. I don't know his height/weight. But he is smaller than DD who is 41 1/2 inches and 38 lbs.

You are all making me feel better about this situation.

As for the Kyle David ****** story, I always figured it was because his seat would have been tethered if he had been in a 5 point and it would have given his seat an additional anchor to the car (if the seat belt failed).

XOXO
B

If I remember correctly, the van they had didn't even have LATCH.

And in a situation like that where the belt fails but the tether is still attached - makes me wonder if the tether would snap under the force and impale someone in the head.


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

You can always post something on facebook about safest procedures for carseats and young children. Then she can choose to either read it or not and you aren't pushing it on her.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

For a four-year-old I wouldn't say anything. If it comes up in conversation I would just say something along the lines that you are holding off changing your own child to a booster because she doesn't yet meet all of the requirements for riding in a booster safely. Maybe the other mom will ask what those requirements are. Maybe not. Either way you are making a comment about your own child, and not passing judgment on anyone else.

But if you have her on Facebook, definitely post a link to the David ****** video if that is something that influences you. But post it on your own wall so you aren't singling her out. I post carseat stuff all the time.


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## Nicole730 (Feb 27, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
You can always post something on facebook about safest procedures for carseats and young children. Then she can choose to either read it or not and you aren't pushing it on her.

I've done this before, in the hopes of certain people reading my stories.









-----

I know what you mean about sharing information. I am the type of person who likes to learn more about everything, especially health/safety issues related to my children. So I am not offended if someone were to tell me, you know xyz isn't that good. I take that info and research it myself and make a decision. Thing is, lots of people are offended and don't get that you are trying to help.


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## ~Amy~ (Jun 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Anastasiya* 
Kyle David ****** died because his seat belt failed, not necessarily because he was in a booster (though I agree he shouldn't have been in a booster). Had he been in a 5 point harness his seatbelt would STILL possibly have failed and he would have been ejected while strapped into his carseat. He was beyond the LATCH limits.

I never understood the point of using his death (which was seat belt failure) to encourage longer harnessing.

Anyway, you don't mention how old the child is. If he's 4 or 5 I wouldn't say a thing.

This. Since the child's 4 & 38lbs, I wouldn't say anything. Honestly, if she just switched to a booster, that's pretty good in general population. Hopefully it's a highback booster, though.


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

There is a lot in the KDM video that makes carseat techs/advocates skeptical, but it feels wrong to me to pick apart a grieving family's efforts. I'll just leave it at that I do not consider it "evidence" against boosters.

I would prefer to see a child who is 4yo and <40# harnessed. But if he meets the minimums for the booster they chose, I would keep my beak out of it, just like I would hope my friends would keep their beaks to themselves if I made a choice they didn't really like.


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

Another thought on the KDM is that the seatbelt didnt fail, but the child unbuckled it (which, correctly strapped into a harnessed seat he wouldnt have been able to do b/c he couldnt reach to do it)

To me this is a better argument for harness vs booster:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2LFo...eature=related

Little girl at the minimum limits of a booster died, her older/bigger sister walked away. Same car, same crash, same seats. It was a minor crash too.

And here is a crash test comparing harness vs. booster:


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## goodheartedmama (Feb 1, 2007)

As compelling as these videos are, I think it's important to not really get caught up in them when debating safety of something like harness vs. booster. The child was 3--too young for a booster.


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