# Did - your - mom breastfeed you? CIO?



## MamaMunchkin (Feb 3, 2011)

My mom never did - lots of health problems plus difficult pregnancy and postpartum recovery etc. So, my mom did formula all the way with me. And CIO too.

Breastfeeding for my kiddos as long as possible - no CIO either. My mom's decisions have not really affected mine (not consciously anyway ...







). She's clueless about

these stuff - that's about it.

Does your mom's decision affect yours, if at all?


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

My mom did formula with me and my younger brother from day one. She did bfed my older brother for 9 months but had major health issues doing so. She did CIO with all of us. Neither of those affected my decisions with my own kids.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

My mom breastfed my oldest sister, and then had major eye problems and was told she wasn't strong enough to breastfeed her children. So the rest of us were formula fed. They did CIO with all of us (I know they did with me because there are stories about it.)

My mom's experience breastfeeding didn't really affect my decisions. I will say that I probably let my older child cry by himself at bedtime more than I should have when he was 2 because I didn't know any better. But since it felt so intensely wrong to me, it was short lived.


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## allisonrose (Oct 22, 2004)

My mom bf my two older brothers and myself. When my brother was born in 1975, apparently bfing wasn't particularly common and the nurse helping my mom really had no clue what she was doing. She did wean us all about 8 months though. My mom had a rough patch with me because she picked up a staph infection (probably from the hospital) and was put on abx and told she couldn't nurse. So I had to get formula from a bottle for that week or so while my mom pumped and dumped. She said I was miserable and went happily back to the breast when she was done with the medication.

I believe she did CIO with us although it was the check in on them in slightly longer increments version.

Yes, I was influenced by my mom's decisions. I grew up believing natural birth, breastfeeding and parenting with love was the best way to go. I just took things further than she did.







But I contribute that to the fact that the internet has allowed me to connect with and learn from moms who do things a tad different from the mainstream/traditional way. (No, I don't believe in CIO but I am fortunate to come here and learn it's not the only way but if everyone around me was saying it was the only way to go, going another way would be awfully difficult.)


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## goinggreengirl (Nov 7, 2009)

My mom breastfed all four of her children and I'm pretty sure she didn't use CIO. I'm almost positive she bed shared with us for at least a year and then we moved to a crib- still in her room.

I think my largest influence parenting wise is MDC and my older sister. I didn't see my mom do any breastfeeding or co sleeping whereas I saw my sister doing it while I was in college. And, MDC let me see that it was normal and natural and that I should follow my instincts.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

My mum didn't breastfeed, and that didn't affect my decision to breastfeed - in fact she has been very supportive. She didn't CIO with me, and again is supportive of my non-CIO nightime parenting.


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## mauri456 (Mar 4, 2008)

My mom BF'd all seven of us including a set of twins. I think she did push solids early on though and had us eating 'meals' so that she could nurse less. I know this b/c she did have to work yet she says she never needed to pump? But she never went back to working until the baby was about 6 months old. She says she would just nurse when home so she didnt need to do bottles??? and she just gave meals when away and water???.. not quite sure how that worked but oh well....we are all healthy LOL She was very BF supportive ie) she never says oh the baby is hungry AGAIN??? She also helped us out so I could stay home longer with my twins b/c she said 'i know you could pump enough with your older dd but with twins being away for work - no way" so she did give us some money so i could stay home longer. So I am very lucky in that regard.

I don't ever remember her doing CIO. I was the oldest and I never remember a baby crying alone in a crib. She didn't cosleep but I think she was overall a nurturing mom.

I think she helped normalize BF'ing. I came to the decisions I've made on my own but it did help having a mom who got it.

As far as natural childbirth since it was mentioned -- she did have all of us naturally however it sounds like all of her experiences were awful...or at least she did not have good support. It sounds like she had to fight so much to have a natural birth and didn't have a midwife or someone to help normalize/support her. She has a lot of fear of birth also which always seemed odd to me since she had so many babies... I know she needed forceps twice she said??? (I think she was natural up til then and then they did some sort of block) and I know her twins she needed an internal version and was pretty traumatized from that...


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

My mum breastfed both of us, although not extended breastfeeding. I'm not sure exactly when she stopped. I don't think they did CIO but I'm not 100% sure. Their parenting practices haven't influenced ours. We do things a bit differently in some ways but I think they were good parents and made good choices for their circumstances.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

My mom breastfed me and CIO. Said the nightwaking was making her crazy and it totally worked, though difficult to do.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

my mom breastfed me for about a month... the time she was home on maternity leave. She was unable to nurse past that because she was a single mom who had to work and she didn't have the time or space to pump adequately during the day. I think she might have said pumping didn't work well for her either I think? At any rate, she supports me fully for nursing and HER mom nursed all her kids for a long time as a stay at home mom so her using formula with me wasn't her preference. didn't affect my choice but her support is great.

As for CIO, I'm sure she did it. Probably not as much as others though since as a single mom who HAD to get up in the morning and who shared a room with her baby (only a one room home hehe) she probably just held me more and bedshared so she could at lease doze getting SOME sleep for work the next day, but I can't imagine she was against CIO. I'm sure she used it more when I was older and had my own room.. 2-3 years old. She might have used it more with my brother? I don't recall and have never asked. I just don't do it and she knows it and won't when babysitting although I doubt she'd want to anyway.. she likes to cuddle with kiddo and sleep with her hehe.


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## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

my mom breastfed my three sisters and I 2-3 years, coslept, and never used CIO to my knowlege. she was one of the earlier Dr. Sears followers. did mostly baby-led solids and somewhat CLW (though kind of weaned in pregnancy a couple of times I think, so I don't know if my sister or I would have nursed longer otherwise). also did natural births and babywearing. and it did influence my decision to do all that stuff myself because for me that was what was normal from a very early age. I never considered not breastfeeding etc, and then as I grew up I learned more and that just supported the decisions that I had already made.


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## HopefulJo (Dec 28, 2009)

My mom didn't breastfeed me very long, just a few days or couple weeks (She "had a breast infection and the doctor gave her a shot to dry her milk up", she says) and breastfed my sister for a few months. She definitely did CIO and strict scheduling. Now that I have my first (not even 3 months old!), she has not been supportive of continuing breastfeeding as I'm back to work- She thinks pumping is "too much of a hardship". She also gives me a hard time about other AP parenting things- "You hold him too much" "He needs to learn to cry/fall asleep by himself/etc"

Needless to say, my mom and I don't get along very well. My MIL, on the other hand, was very AP before there was a term for it! I'm glad to have her support.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

My mom did not breastfeed me. She breastfed my younger brother and sister for a short time and used CIO on all of us. It did affect the way I parent because I was old enough to be horrified by listening to my siblings scream their brains out.


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## seashells (Jan 23, 2009)

My mother breastfed me for about a week. I don't know what made her decide to stop. She had told me all my life she had breastfed me, and I always figured that meant 6 months, and I felt pretty shocked/betrayed when I was a brand new mom and finally thought to ask how long she had breastfed me. I showed my shock and feel bad about it; I think it hurt my mom. But I think she misunderstood it. I wasn't horrified that she only breastfed me a week, but I felt lied to/misled. My mother has been, on the surface, supportive of breastfeeding, but I think it was a conscious effort and she did not really understand it.

I don't know if she did CIO, but I really don't think she did. And she never suggested I should either. However, I don't think I ever coslept in any way. To this day I can't sleep with someone touching me. Unfortunately that made it difficult for ME to cosleep. I did it for 3 years until my sleep deprivation was too severe to ignore. Now DH does the cosleeping and I sleep alone. I wish I could snuggle with my DH while sleeping, but I just can't. I like the idea that DD will grow up to be able to snuggle peacefully with her partner and children.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

my mother is a wellspring of bad parenting advice. among many other jewels, she said that the doctor told her that she had 'milk fever' with her first child and that she would 'always' get it so she formula fed me from day one, and i'm sure i spent lots of time cio in my own room in my crib. so.. i know if i do the opposite of what she did/advises, then i'm on the right track, pretty much.


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## ar2974 (Nov 19, 2006)

I wasn't breastfed. My mom would have liked to but I was premature and she'd had a c-section and they told her it wouldn't be possible. The concept of CIO is utterly foreign to my family. They would all be totally appalled if I left a baby in a room to cry. My parents are big influences on my parenting in that they were very "natural" parents - they didn't over think things and were just inherently very good at parenting. If I'm at a loss for what to do, I can always think, "what would mam/dad do?" and it's usually pretty helpful.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

I was formula fed and there was some cry it out, though my mom says I "Learned" to sleep on my own quickly. I was adopted, so I really don't give the formula a second thought. The CIO on the other hand.... Not cool. Oh well.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

My mom was another who had a c-section and was told breastfeeding was impossible after a section. I don't think she particularly wanted to breastfeed-- it was something all her "hippie" friends did (this was in the early 70s) , and she felt pressured into it, and was glad to have an "out." I have no hard feelings towards her about it at all-- my mom loved me with her whole heart, however I was fed. I do harbor a considerable grudge against the pediatrician who put me on soy formula because I was a high-needs baby, and recommended beginning me on solids at TWO WEEKS OLD. I have a chronic, serious digestive illness now, and I am certain the way I was fed as an infant contributed.

No CIO in mom's house. She would be shocked at the idea. No bottle propping, either. My mom did crib-sleep us, because she was afraid to roll onto us. We started cosleeping as toddlers, and coslept on and off throughout early childhood. But she didn't cosleep with us as babies. But we were never left alone to cry-- she held us and rocked us and patted our backs and sang to us, and whatever else we needed. I can remember how my baby brother was treated as an infant, so I know for sure. And I've seen her in action with my own kids.


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## nsmomtobe (Aug 22, 2009)

My mother breastfed me for 9 months, which was the maximum amount of time she thought was acceptable to breastfeed at the time (although my baby book says I self-weaned). When I was a year old we moved to a new area where she met other breastfeeding mothers and realized that she didn't have to wean me so early. She breastfed each of my younger brothers for 1-2 years. Seeing her breastfeed (as well as hearing her horror stories about her own mother preparing bottles in the night while her younger siblings screamed) definitely normalized it for me and I never considered not breastfeeding.

I asked her after my son was born whether or not she let us CIO and she was unfamiliar with the term, so I said "did you ever leave us to cry ourselves to sleep" and she said "No, I hate hearing babies cry. I won't tolerate it. But you never cried as a baby anyway." Then when my parents found out that my son still wasn't sleeping through the night at 6 months of age, they each told me separately that I needed to put him to bed at bedtime and close the door. When I said, "I thought you never left me to cry myself to sleep" my mother said, "Oh, you never cried." But now that I think about it, they slept on a different floor from my brothers when they were babies so they wouldn't have heard them if they did cry. And according to her, I never cried as a baby. Also according to her, my son never cries now. This has been very frustrating for me to deal with.


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## LiLStar (Jul 7, 2006)

I think my mom coslept for a month or two, then moved me to a crib. idk about cry it out though. I think she's said I was a high needs baby and refused to sleep anywhere but her chest for awhile. My dad was a bit short tempered and didnt put up with crying so I imagine there was some pressure to keep babies quiet at night! So, there might have been some cio but i highly doubt there was full on sleep training.

My mom bfed all 5 of us, 6 months, 2.5 years, 2.5 years, 13 months, 17 months. I'm the youngest. Some time after dd was born, something clicked and I put 2 and 2 together.. one being that I knew the lengths my mom bfed all us kids, and the other being that she was paralyzed from guillian-barre syndrome when her 2nd baby was born. And I realized.. how on earth did you bf that baby for 2.5 years when you were PARALYZED in the 70s where support was minimal and bf was so uncommon?! So I asked!  and this is, seriously, my favorite quote of my mom: "Breastfeeding? psh, that was EASY. I *had* to breastfeed, I couldn't hold a bottle!" Then demonstrated how her wrist was limp and she couldnt grasp anything, but she could move her whole arm from her shoulder.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *hildare*
> 
> *my mother is a wellspring of bad parenting advice*. among many other jewels, she said that the doctor told her that she had 'milk fever' with her first child and that she would 'always' get it so she formula fed me from day one, and i'm sure i spent lots of time cio in my own room in my crib. *so.. i know if i do the opposite of what she did/advises, then i'm on the right track, pretty much.*










Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I feel about my mom too.


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## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

I have no way of knowing who I would be without my mother.

She breastfed 4 babies for 1-3 years each. No CIO. Home birthed all but her first. Became a home birth midwife herself. Practiced all kinds of wonderful gentle discipline kind of parenting -- although there were a few spankings in there over the years. She has had a huge influence over me and my parenting, and has been a wonderful support through my pregnancies, births, and child-raising. I am very blessed.


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## ar2974 (Nov 19, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Llyra*
> No CIO in mom's house. She would be shocked at the idea. No bottle propping, either. My mom did crib-sleep us, because she was afraid to roll onto us. We started cosleeping as toddlers, and coslept on and off throughout early childhood. But she didn't cosleep with us as babies. But we were never left alone to cry-- she held us and rocked us and patted our backs and sang to us, and whatever else we needed. I can remember how my baby brother was treated as an infant, so I know for sure. And I've seen her in action with my own kids.


My parents are like this. I was explaining the concept of CIO to them and they were horrified. To them it's just a given that you sit and pat backs or walk around or hum. My mom was terrified of rolling on me also. I cosleep with my daughter (who is now 4) when I visit and she was fine with it once dd was around a year. DS is just a baby so she puts a bassinet beside the bed for him - I don't want to worry her so we mostly used it (he was fine with it).


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## happysmileylady (Feb 6, 2009)

I am the oldest of 4. All of us were formula fed, my mom had no interest in attempting to bf at all ever. Simply not her cup of tea. And while she still says she prefers bottles so that she knows how much the baby is eating, that's the extent of her support of bottles or formula. The reality is that she doesn't care how a baby is fed as long as baby is fed.

CIO, I am pretty sure she did some version of CIO. However, like most real life parents, her version of CIO is not the set baby in a room, close the door and never go back even if baby screams for hours and hours for weeks on end, like so many posts here discribe. Its just that when rocking or patting or driving or diaper changing or feeding or more rocking or whatever whatever whatever doesn't work, try setting the baby down for 10 to 20 minutes to see if baby can figure it out for herself.

She also didn't bedshare, but all of us slept in a crib/bassinette in their room for the first few months. How long usually just depending on the housing situation at the time-we moved like every 18 to 24 months from the time I was born until I was 11 years old, so number of bedrooms and number of kids seemed to always be changing there for a while.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

My mom breastfed all three of us, for six months each. (My brother was born in 1963, and she was the only mom on the entire ward who was breastfeeding, despite a traumatic labour, c-section, hospital-imposed separation from her baby, and pressure from the nurses to use formula - I'm amazingly proud of her...she also kept my brother intact, which was almost unheard of at the time.) She did not practice CIO.

I have no idea how much those facts affected my parenting. I never grew up thinking there was any other way to do things, so I'd say the impact was profound. OTOH, I have no idea how my grandmother parented her babies, and mom didn't consider any other route, either, so maybe mom's choices weren't that big a factor.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

My mom was an attached parent even though she didn't know it. She breastfed me and my brother (failed to BF the oldest after a very mismanaged birth - spent a week in a hospital with the baby only brought to her for feeding at scheduled intervals), coslept, and never let us CIO. My parents were great at teaching all of us that they had our back (they still do).


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## MovnMama (Jul 3, 2009)

My mom nursed me for 12 weeks before returning to work - it was impossible for her to continue nursing and working. So I went on formula. I think if she had been able to, she would have maybe nursed for 6-9 months, but not an extended period of time.

My mom was not about the CIO with babies at all - she completely disagrees with the idea that crying = sleep. She never would put an infant in a room and let them cry. She's so rational - there's a reason why the sound of babies crying is horrible - it's so you pick them up!!!

But I would NOT categorize her as AP at all. She also puts WAY too much maturity onto children, and expects unreasonable behavior out of 18mo/3yo/5yo etc. Expectations for behavior were always so high, and I always felt like I was in trouble growing up. Like I couldn't do anything right. She's a super logical, concrete thinker, and has a hard time understanding where children are coming from developmentally. Regardless of how many books she reads.

But she loves me, and I love her. I take her advice with a grain of salt.

ETA: has this influenced my parenting - absolutely! I work really hard to understand where my son is developmentally, and have appropriate expectations. Also she's really supportive of breastfeeding (upto 1 yr, possible 18 mo). And she's a GREAT resource on being a working mother, managing the guilt, making the most of time, etc.

Also, come to think of it - I needed her to sleep with me a lot when I was school aged. She never co-slept at all - culturally against it I suppose. But as I aged, I needed her next to me to sleep, a lot - like 3-4x per week. And she always came and slept in my little twin bed with me when I needed her. Definitely not co-sleeping, but I think that's a product of culture vs her own instincts.


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## briannas auntie (Feb 21, 2011)

My mom didn't breastfeed me, my sister or brother. She has bad epilepsy and the medicines she was on at the time, the doctors told her she could not breastfeed while on them. This was back in the 80's, so there was little information about perscription medicines and breastfeeding, unlike today.

I am on an anti-seizure medicine (Tegretol), and have been told that its not a problem to breastfeed while on this medicine. The doctor told me that a baby would just be a bit more sleepy than normal. I plan on breastfeeding when I have a baby, for as long as the child wants to.

Unfortunately, she followed my grandma's advice and never co-slept, started us on solids way too early (I was only 1 month old at the time), and used only disposable diapers on us. She also did "baby training" by having us in a seperate room to learn to sleep through the night and stuff like that.

Jessie


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## myk (Nov 24, 2006)

technically wasn't bfed, but i received donor milk for a time before switching to goat milk (cow's milk allergy). my stepmom bfed her 2 kids. neither really had any bearing on whether i'd bf, because i always knew i would, plain and simple. it was kind of a no-brainer.

no idea if my mother did CIO but it wouldn't surprise me. stepmom did. i tried it once out of desperation but it felt so cruel, and it didn't work, so i completely regret trying.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Yes, my mom BFed me for a little over a year. She was totally AP -- no CIO, no spanking, GD, and just in general a completely awesome mom who I strive to emulate in my own parenting.


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## nia82 (May 6, 2008)

My mom nursed my older siblings to some degree (2 months for my oldest sister, 2 weeks for my older sister and 2 days for me). I have no idea why, she keeps saying her milk dried up. She did loose 2 children prior to my oldest sister: my brother at 8 months and my sister at 5 months and both times after birth she started to lactate which was stopped by breast-binding and taking some sort of salt-tincture (East Germany, there was no convenient shot to stop lactation for such incidences). That must have left her very emotionally scared and I think gave her a bad taste for breastfeeding somehow. I also know though that she is incredibly vain (it always was about how we look) and that those wonderful tales of saggy boobs were very much alive in the 70ies/80ies when we were born. But she also had no clue about the advantages of breastmilk over formula. She did like though that my dad could feed us at night (I do understand that, sometimes I wish DH could get up at night instead of me, but that wouldn't make me stop nursing). So I think there are many dimensions to us not being breastfed, and I can't really ask my mom, she's been depressed pretty much all of her life and cannot deal at all with criticism, and asking why I wasn't breastfed would be understood as pure criticism... She is incredibly supportive though of us nursing (all three of us are: I unfortunately had to wean DS at 25 months cause I was pregnant and the pain truly got too horrific, I was crying each time; my 32 months old nephew is nursing still and my oldest sister weaned her son at 18 months). My dad mentioned to me when we were alone that my mom feels guilty about the whole breastfeeding thing. I didn't ask more, I don't want to dwell on it.

As for CIO, my parents explicitly told us they did not do that. It was advised by parenting books, society and doctors in East Germany but it was not their cup of tea at all. We all slept in their rooms in a bassinet til 6 months, then moved into our own rooms, but tended to when we woke up. I co-slept later on a lot in my toddler and early childhood years due to nightmares, and just slept in their bed until I felt secure by myself. I think they got grief for that from relatives, but didn't bother.

Overall, my parents are not AP in the classic sense at all, but they never engaged in harsh punishments (never was grounded or such).


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

I am the youngest of 5 and was born in the early 60's and my mother BF all us because she was poor. Formula was "the" thing and she was always embarrassed that she couldn't afford it. It was one of the few things we disagreed about. She never understood why both my sister and I BF. She would often make comments (not mean spirited but more perplexed) about "how breast feeding is what kept woman trapped in their homes", "wouldn't it be easier w/ bottles" etc. I would always laugh back and and say "when I leave the house I just need these 2 babies (my breasts) and I am ready to go! No bottles or water needed!" I think she was a little mortified that I BF anywhere and everywhere.

CIO? I have no idea. It never really came up. My sister basically raised me since she was 10 years older and she loved having a "live doll". My mother said she barely had to change my diaper because my sister wanted to do everything. Since we shared a room I am sure my sister never let me cry. I am going to have to ask her!


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

Some of these stories are shocking, but at least it makes more sense why it's a battle to change the mainstream ideas out there. Bit by bit!

My mom breastfed me for at least a year, she can't remember when she weaned me. But that was with very little support, so I find it impressive. She also co-slept with me (I was in a bassinet next to her bed) for at least 6 months. No CIO, she nursed and rocked me to sleep.

I know it did have an effect on me growing up, because that was my "normal" and it never occurred to me to do something else. When I heard about other non-AP approaches, I was horrified. I can definitely thank my mother for starting me on the APing path!


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

My mom tried with all three of her birth children. She really wanted to, and was upset that she couldn't. I think she nursed my middle sister the longest-6 weeks. I have no clue what the issues were, because I certainly didn't inherit them.

I don't know about CIO either. There are many stories about my dad walking the halls with me, and singing "The Terrible Margaret Ann Song"







I think they tried it once with my brother, but when they finally went to check on him, they discovered that he'd thrown off all his blankets and wiggled out of all his clothes and was stark naked in a drafty house in the winter. So they felt too guilty to try it again.


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## kalamos23 (Apr 11, 2008)

I'm the oldest - my mom breastfed until we "selfweaned" when she was around 3m pregnant with the next, anywhere from 12m-18m, except for the youngest who nursed for around 2-2.5 yo. (and the selfweaned is in quotes because I think we probably would have nursed longer except for the pregnancy drying the milk up).

However, she is TOTALLY against CIO, the oldest 4 of us were born in a hospital but the youngest 5 were at home (she even UCed the last couple), and coslept with most if not all of us (I'm not sure how long she coslept with the older ones, but they did for a LONG time with the youngers). Ironically, her mom formulafed, was told her milk was bad and that she couldn't produce (I am 90% positive that there was a milk protein allergy in the family, as all of my mom's siblings and my mom needed to be on soy formula, my mom still can't drink milk, and my DD had a milk protein allergy). I highly doubt my grandma coslept and am fairly certain there was CIO done, so my mom really bucked the trends there. I'm so very grateful to have the parents I do!


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## KABB (Nov 12, 2009)

My mother was a very mainstream mom, no breastfeeding, smoked while pregnant, etc. She's very proud of the parent I have become. She may not agree with some of the parenting decisions I make but she always supports me.


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## Snowflake777 (Jan 6, 2011)

My mother BF'd me until I was nearly two! She said my younger brother weaned himself at 10 months.

Not sure about CIO, but I'm pretty sure they didn't. My mother mentioned something about co-sleeping, I think probably into early toddlerhood.

When my mother came to visit when DD was a baby, she said she was amazed to see that I did everything pretty much the same as she did. She doesn't live near us, or ever try to offer advice, so it's not like I was learning it directly from her. I guess we just have similar instincts.


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## happysmileylady (Feb 6, 2009)

Quote:

Quote:
Also, come to think of it - I needed her to sleep with me a lot when I was school aged. She never co-slept at all - culturally against it I suppose. But as I aged, I needed her next to me to sleep, a lot - like 3-4x per week. And she always came and slept in my little twin bed with me when I needed her. Definitely not co-sleeping, but I think that's a product of culture vs her own instincts
So, it might not be a full time family bed all in the same room...but how is regularly sleeping in the same bed NOT co sleeping?


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## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *happysmileylady*


Looks like the quote function may not have worked, but anyway. I think the difference is that we often talk about co-sleeping with infants and toddlers, and she is talking about her mother coming to her bed when she was an older child.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

My Mom bf my brother & I & always had fond memories of it so that definitely influenced me. When it looked like we wouldn't be able to have children of our own I was most sad about missing out on that bonding opportunity.

She also did CIO with me. I am a TERRIBLE sleeper & have lots of sleep issues even as an adult. I don't know where they originate from but a part of me feels the trauma of cio is still with me on a cellular level 'cause I feel such a feeling of dread at the thought of going to bed. So this definitely influenced me in that there is no way I would take the chance of doing that to my child.


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## MovnMama (Jul 3, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *happysmileylady*


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sunnygir1*
> 
> Looks like the quote function may not have worked, but anyway. I think the difference is that we often talk about co-sleeping with infants and toddlers, and she is talking about her mother coming to her bed when she was an older child.


Yeah, quoting is not working right.

Anyway, yes. This is why I don't call it co-sleeping. I was in my own room in my own crib from day 1 in infancy. I remember as a very small child being lonely and scared of the dark, etc. My mom began sleeping in my room with me when I complained, but then, I had to be old enough and verbal enough to complain. I think this went on from age 4ish to age 8-9ish.

I call it definitely not co-sleeping because I truly think my begging her to sleep with me in later childhood was a result of non-attachment and little to no co-sleeping in the early years.

For the record, she told me in adult hood that the only reason she would come sleep with me was to get me to stop waking her up. Which is the logical reasoning for cosleeping in the first place, but all the emotional connection is a reason to co-sleep. That reason is not why she came to my bed with me. Kind of like when people plug a pacifier in just to stop the crying, rather than take the time to meet other needs. She used to yell at me about squirming and fidgeting too, and didn't actually, like, cuddle me or anything.

But she did come sleep with me, which I appreciated.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

My parents didn't co-sleep, instead my brother and I shared a room as babies. My mom wanted to BF me, but had a hard time b/c my older brother (adopted from Korea) was only 6mo when I was born, so 2 babies, one on the boob and one the bottle was hard to manage. I was BF for about 2 weeks I think.

She's an awesome mama though. I got pretty lucky!! No CIO, she thinks thats terrible, and I don't know if I'd call her super AP, but she's a great mama, and VERY supportive of all my choices.


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## JFTB1177 (Sep 9, 2008)

My mom did not BF me (I am the oldest of 3 kids); I was a C-section baby and she said the doc asked her if she wanted to BF and if she didn't he was going to give her a shot to stop her milk from coming in (this was 33 years ago and she was 21 when she had me), so that's what she did. She DID however, EBF my younger sister and brother (kind of makes me mad when I think about it! lol).

I didn't BF my first (I wanted to badly but my milk never came in, long story), but my 2nd and now 3rd are breastfed and I love it! I do feel very guilty about my oldest not being BF (even though it wasn't my choice) because I know how it makes me kind of jealous that my mom didn't nurse me. 

Oh- and my parents definitely did NOT cosleep. They also did not do CIO b/c my dad couldn't stand to hear me cry.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I did not live with my mom as a baby. I see my mom sometimes and I already know she thinks nursing is gross. It actually makes me want to nurse longer, knowing how she feels about it.

For my own daughter, she says IF she has children, she will definitely nurse them for a long time. I know she plans to nurse for years...IF she has them. She always says IF.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

My mother had 7 of us, 6 of us lived (i'm #7, #6 died of anencephaly).

She had 3 of us at home, #1 was born in a nursing home (in 1955) and #5, #6 and #7 were all born in hospital. #5 was an emergency csection for an abrupting placenta praevia at 31 weeks, she lost 3000cc of blood and they both nearly died. #6 was a spontaneous vaginal birth at 23weeks, listed as a miscarriage (though i think he did try to breathe a little but being anencephalic he was not helped or even held while he died ), #7, me, i was a planned csection at 37+4 because they thought a VBAC was too risky.

She breastfed all of us surviving kids apart from the preavia baby - he was too teeny to suck for a long time and her massive bloodloss meant her milk barely came in anyway. She did try to pump for him but by the time he left hospital she had no milk so he was onto formula.

She breastfed me for about 9 or 10 months and then i went onto cow. The rest got slightly less because the first 3 were born with only 10-11 months between each birth and she was told it was too dangerous to tandem nurse (she was also told if she BF she wouldn't be able to get pregnant again...twice!). My sister, in at #4, got about 12months i think.

She never CIO any of us. The thought horrified her. She coslept with the baby until we were big enough to sleep through spontaneously (about 12-18months usually) then we went into our own rooms (with siblings).

I was influenced in that i knew homebirth was safe and never considered anything but BFing in terms of feeding.

She died before i had my first baby, so i might know more/different things if she had lived to see ME parenting.


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## JFTB1177 (Sep 9, 2008)

I'm so sorry 

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *GoBecGo*
> 
> She died before i had my first baby


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## MamaofLiam (Nov 20, 2010)

my mom bf me and my other 2 siblings. she also used CIO. actually, lol, she said we "never cried at night" so i don't think her memory is too clear on that part. both have influenced me - definitely. i bf my ds, but we definitely do not use CIO. we cosleep, which my mom never did with us. she is very supportive of breastfeeding (albeit I need to cover more), but completely against co-sleeping. she insists that my son "wants his own bed". which i think is hilarious and ridiculous since he loves to snuggle with us.


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

my mom breastfed all of us until at least a year, and she did not CIO. she said we were all great sleepers except my brother who didn't stop waking at night until a year when she weaned him, but she never said she let us cry alone. this influenced my decision for sure! pro-bf mom and a sister who had 3 kids before me who all BF'd for at least 2 years..it's my normal!


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## hasya (Jun 27, 2010)

It isn't so much my parenting choice as what was done in my country. I don't think anyone was formula-fed routinely or made to sleep separately. However, my mother had to leave me at home when I was a month old and go to work for half a day. She hated having to do so, but she had no choice. My parents were supporting too many people including older children, parents, and extended family. My grandmother gave me dilute tomato juice and dilute dried grape juice in the interim, because that was what the doctor told my mother to give me at the time, when she couldn't nurse me directly. Plus, she only nursed me for 6 months, and I think it was the same with my brother and sister. Luckily, I get a year's maternity leave (which just finished this month), so I have been able to nurse my little one and continue to do so now, with no intentions of stopping anytime soon.

No plastics, no artificial foods, etc. were my father's parenting choices. He was a scientist, and didn't believe that food and factories mixed well. I think my choices are more reflective of my father's choices than my mother's, because my mother went with the flow and did the best she could, without having strong opinions. However, to this day, she'll never boast of our achievements, and I find it odd when others do so about their kids. I wouldn't toot my own horn about how great a parent I am. I may think it, but won't say it.

Clarification: Proudly speaking of kid's achievements and constantly boasting of them are different.


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## Agatha_Ann (Apr 5, 2009)

My mother breastfed all of us. She said it was really sad for my grandmother, because she had wanted to nurse her children, but back then they gave you a shot to dry you up no questions asked. So seeing my mother breastfeed made her sad that she wasn't able to, and sad that she couldn't offer advice! My mom also didn't do CIO as a rule, but her and my oldest sister tell the story of when the Dr told her she needed to with me. So they stayed up watching Mary Tyler Moore and waiting for me to cry from my bed, but all I did was yell Mama three times and then that was it. So I can't tell you how it would have turned out if I did cry, but I do know that they decided to try.


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## abm79 (Feb 21, 2011)

My mom bf me and my 2 siblings and let us self-wean (which we all did just after the 3 year mark) and that has definitely affected my parenting views and planned style. I currently bf my daughter and plan to let her self-wean as well. For me, the biggest influence wasn't so much that my mom did it, but that I'm so much older than my siblings (8 years and 14 years) that I was able to witness the bonding and positive experiences for everyone involved and immediately knew that's what I wanted with my own children.


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## cat13 (Dec 8, 2010)

My mom didn't bf me. She had severe post partum psychosis after having my older brother, which didn't get diagnosed until it got really bad and she had to be hospitalized. She was on lithium for the next 4 years until she found out she was pregnant with me. Pretty much the instant I was born they put her back on it and told her that she couldn't bf me, which I don't think she minded. I think she felt very contemporary to not have to bf.

Growing up I was always "the crybaby" in the family, and they all just let me cry for hours and hours on end. I have memories of being really young, staring up into the ceiling lights, eyes cloudy with tears, not remembering why I was crying but just wanting affection. I don't think I really learned to self-soothe myself until I was much older.

This has definitely affected how I plan to parent my new LO that's coming. I think I've always kinda resented the way I was raised, so it has always been natural for me to do the opposite of what my parents did... that must be what pointed me in the direction of learning about cosleeping & bfing, but now I'm choosing these things because I think they are going to be what's best for me & my family. My mom isn't alive anymore, so I don't know what she'd think about these choices, but my dad thinks that once I'm 3 months in to the whole parenting gig, that I'm going to drop my natural parenting style and start using formula, CIO, eating fast food daily, and everything else that's the "easy" road (at least what's easy in his mind).


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## MamaofLiam (Nov 20, 2010)

good for you for figuring out your own path. i think your self awareness and understanding what you didn't like about your own upbringing will definitely help you as a parent. how sad that you remember staring up at the ceiling crying for hours. 

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cat13*
> 
> My mom didn't bf me. She had severe post partum psychosis after having my older brother, which didn't get diagnosed until it got really bad and she had to be hospitalized. She was on lithium for the next 4 years until she found out she was pregnant with me. Pretty much the instant I was born they put her back on it and told her that she couldn't bf me, which I don't think she minded. I think she felt very contemporary to not have to bf.
> 
> ...


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## lilysmama1124 (Aug 26, 2006)

I was a 33 week premie and they wouldn't let my mom nurse said her nipples were too big for my mouth so she pumped and bottle fed for a bit but then got really engorged and I couldn't latch so ended up ffing within a few weeks. 10 years later in the same nicu she nurse my 33week premie sister successfully with the support and help from a great nurse....who happened to be my nurse 21 years later when I had the twins....
My mom did CIO and didn't want to let me cosleep due to dr. Spoke type sentiments of the day....she has since apologized.
I remember crying outside my moms room for hours some nights so not doing CIO and cosleeping was not just intuitive but a direct result of my experience


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## Alenushka (Jul 27, 2002)

My mother nursed me for a year and my brother for 2. I slept in her bed often untill my brother was born. she was very supportive of nursing. I nurse my children. I did not co-sleep because it is not for me but they were in the same room with me untill I think 8 or 9 months when they started sleeping at night.

:Some of what my mom did influence me in the way that I did the opposite: I went to therapy and never used alchold to drink my troubles away


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## moonfirefaery (Jul 21, 2006)

My mom used formula with both of us, and I remember both of us having a ton of ear infections. We've only had ONE ear infection in this whole family, ever!


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## innle (Mar 16, 2007)

She sure did, both my brother and I were breastfed past 2 years, slept with mum and dad (either same bed or same room) for a few years, weren't left to CIO, weren't ever hit, etc. Mum's probably even crunchier than I am!


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## Chamomile Girl (Nov 4, 2008)

My mom only breastfed me for six weeks, and she did CIO (and smoked like a chimney while she was pregnant). However she came from a very abusive family where she and her siblings were routinely beaten by their alcoholic father and she resolved to only treat her children with love...which she did







.

I wish she had co-slept with me. I was massively afraid of sleeping alone as a child, and I was also afraid of the dark. Some of my earliest memories are of being paralyzed with fear looking at the moon-shadows on my bedroom walls and hearing scraping sounds outside the window (there were rosebushes there I later found out). I must have been about two. And since I am an only child I never was even able to share a bedroom with anyone until college. In fact my parents slept upstairs so I was alone on the main floor of the house at night, and I never stopped hating it and feeling frightened.


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## MnMtm (Jan 15, 2008)

My mom BF me for the first 3 months. Then she got mastitis and was tolld by her Dr that she had to stop BF-ing. She did use CIO, again as she was instructed to by her Dr. She has actually apologized for CIO saying she wishes she would've known then what she knows now and she never would've done CIO. I think she really did try to do what was best for us kids, and I've got a great relationship with her. She is my DS's favorite person in the world.


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## SharonAnne (Jul 12, 2004)

Whenever I think about my mom breastfeeding me, I just take a moment to sit back in awe. She had a really, REALLY rough labor and delivery with me. I ended up being a forceps baby, and she ended up being knocked out with some heavy meds. She developed an infection, and couldn't even see me for 3 days till her fever broke. And it was 1976. Not exactly the breastfeeding epicenter of the 20th century. But my mother was able to, despite all that, breastfeed me for about three months. Her milk dried up because of some really bad advice and other external factors right around that time and I was switched to formula. (I was already on some solid foods at that point, anyway. I know, I know. It makes me shudder :lol ) I am so proud of my mom for nursing me as much as she could, despite the adversity she faced.

I don't think she did CIO with me, or my brother. Well, I know she didn't with my brother, because there are stories of him not being able to sleep, and mom and dad taking turns pacing the halls with him.

I'll tell you what, those things don't really affect the way I parent. You know what did? Spanking. Yelling, screaming, belittling. THAT's the stuff that I have consciously thought about in my own parenting and try really hard to do differently. REALLY hard. Sometimes it works (I am not a spanker.) Sometimes it doesn't (I am, unfortunately, a screamer). It's a process and I'm working on it.


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## poorlittlefish (Jul 20, 2008)

Formula from the start and then moved to cows milk at 4 months!!! I am lucky though and have no known allergies or stomach issues of any sort.

They also did CIO with me but my mom is a very gentle person and said that it hurt her to do it but my dad wanted it. Whatever.

I am very attached to my mother and she has been super supportive of me if not a little ignorant about breastfeeding (you haven't dried up yet?? are you going to stop when she gets teeth? etc). I certainly don't hold any grudges, I firmly believe that 99.9% of parents do the best they can with the knowledge that they have at the time.


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## 7thDaughter (Jan 8, 2006)

Reading all these posts has been amazing. What we know and don't know about our mothers and their parenting! As the youngest I saw very little, and my mom was very private, rarely speaking about her parenting decisions. But she was convinced she was a good mom, proud that she taught us to share (we had no choice, there was never enough to go around and the younger ones always got the chicken wings and backs) and that the older ones raised the younger (because she wasn't interested in us). She had her first 3 in hospital, swore never to return after birth #3, and had 4 homebirths. We were not vaccinated and had absolutely no health problems. Dad left the child-raising all to her and his only comment was "When the kids were hungry we fed them." In recent years he has admitted he left her too much alone. By the time I had my babies she was progressing with Altzheimer's so I got very little information from her -- she was losing her memory. After my daughter's birth two things happened: I observed LLL mothers in action, and learned about AP; and in deep conversations with my lactation consultant, I learned that my mother's parenting would be considered emotionally abusive today. Our family was very private and it wasn't until after her death we siblings started talking about our experiences, and at her funeral I had a chance to speak to my older aunts and cousins, who were concerned for us but lived across the country. So much came together then. I realized how she gave us no affection, it was all about meeting her standards or being punished; and how we really raised ourselves as best we could. On the positive side, she provided a completely stable home environment and high educational standards, leading us all to successful lives free of addiction and reasonably successful marriages. So, from that perspective, she was a good mom.

There were no hugs and cuddles in our house. Today I cannot sleep with anyone touching me. It's been a problem in my marriage because my husband is a cuddler. We coslept with our children and the chronic sleep shortage was hard on me. I work hard to change the ugly patterns of neglect - hugs every day, frequent I love yous, care and attention to each child's health and safety; and always an awareness that I want to keep the good patterns she gave us and get rid of the bad. It's the best any of us can do.


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## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

i was breastfed until age 4. we coslept and i was worn in a baby sling. i was born in the early 1970s.


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## cat13 (Dec 8, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *7thDaughter*
> 
> Reading all these posts has been amazing. What we know and don't know about our mothers and their parenting!


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## samann1121 (Mar 10, 2010)

I'm the oldest of three. My mom has told me that breastfeeding hurt too much with me, so she gave it up very early. Didn't even try with my two brothers. Same thing with her c-sections -- I got "stuck" (whatever that means), so she had a section with me, and then of course had them with my brothers too.

She pretty much did everything by the book (this was during the 80s). She had neither the resources nor the confidence to challenge any of that. I think I'm making up for it -- I challenge things enough for the both of us!


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## ocelotmom (Jul 29, 2003)

My mother breastfed both my brother and I for about two years. She was a Bradley instructor and had two (but very medicalized in the way that was the norm for the time - shaving, routine episiotomy, and delivering in the OR and so forth. I feel bad for her, since birth was obviously something important to her) natural births. I have no clue about CIO - I kind of doubt it, but I don't know for sure. She didn't co-sleep - my parents had a waterbed, so probably just as well, but she thinks I'm weird for doing it. I know she babywore my little brother, at least.

I was born in the late 70s, and my brother a few years after.

I'm sure my mom's actions helped shape my thinking. I grew up knowing I was breastfed and that she had natural births, though I didn't realize I was breastfed for that long until around the time I had my own kids. I mean, I'm sure I saw her breastfeeding my brother as a toddler, but I don't remember it. But, despite the fact that I'd only ever seen one person breastfeed that I could remember (a friend of my mom's who I thought was a bit odd for nursing her toddler, but I thank her now for that exposure) and had seen plenty of bottlefed babies, I felt that it was just what you do with babies. Same with natural birth. I had a good example that it was possible and desirable, so it wasn't something I found unusual or intimidating.

It's even possible that the fact that I can't remember seeing a baby being breastfed is related - if it became something I was so used to seeing with my brother that I didn't even really notice it.

My mother's mother also had natural births (5 of them). It's possible that I come from a maternal background that has never had pain meds during birth


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## Luvmy2Joshs (Oct 3, 2007)

Growing up, I remember hearing stories of myself as a baby being left alone to cry until I threw up, turned blue, and eventually passed out... seriously. My mom nursed me for two weeks and then used formula. So... when my first son was born I nursed for 2 weeks and thought about stopping, luckily my husband is from a family where extended nursing is very common and he convinced me to keep going. My oldest nursed for 3.5 years. My mom also pressured me to try CIO when my first son was about 4 months old, I tried it for two nights when she was over but it didn't sit well with me and my husband was pretty pissed. He's from a family where cosleeping is the norm and he didn't even understand why I wanted a crib, and I didn't understand how he didn't see a crib as a necessity. That crib was the biggest waste of money, my son used it maybe 10 times total. My own parents are totally uncomfortable with my parenting style, I cosleep with my now 4 and 2 year olds and my 2yr old is still a little nursling. I had a natural waterbirth with my 2nd and will do the same with baby #3 due later this month. My mom was at both births, and although I told her that people cheering at me during pushing was irritating during my 1st birth.... she started cheering and telling me to push during my waterbirth which was extremely annoying. It's like she couldn't get over the whole coached pushing thing, but it really irritated me (especially since I had specifically said NO cheerleading). I also try to use gentle discipline with my boys, whereas my parents spanked and excessively used "the corner". My mother recently threatened my 4 year old with "if you do that again you're going to go stand in the corner", and he innocently turned around and asked "what's the corner?". I think sending children away when they can't handle themselves is ridiculous and sends a bad message... instead we sit with him and give him time to cool down and talk about different ways to approach a situation, it's way more time consuming but I think it's much better for him.

I am really not that attached to my mom, to be honest... I don't even like her. I love her, because she's my mother, but something is definitely missing. I truly think part of this is her parenting choices which seem to have been ones to consistently alienate me from her at a young age. So, I'm determined to make sure my own children have a more secure attachment to me starting out.


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## heybabyquepaso (Mar 5, 2011)

My mom's struggles pushed me to fight harder to breastfeed. She passed a few years ago so I didn't get to talk about it with her but my Dad told me that she tried with me and my brother but didn't make enough milk for us/we decided we didn't like it (!) And my sister, who was born at like 33 weeks, was straight to formula because they told my mom that my sister needed special nutrients that breast milk didn't have. My mom's booby traps and knowing that we all could have benefited if she'd been more educated, break my heart.

CIO is similar. My Dad said that they had to with all of us at one point and HAD to with my brother because he was high needs and it was the only way to get sleep. I think it might have been the only way my parents could deal, based on who my parents are, but I'm determined and know better.


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## hasya (Jun 27, 2010)

My mom was given pethidine when in labor the first time and she believes that that's the cause of his respiratory problems when he was born. I think he's fine now, but he does get allergies way too many times.

The other 2 labors were med free; my sister was born in 2 hours, start to end, while I kept threatening to be born for 15 days and then...! However she did have episiotomies, and that was the norm then. My grandmother had home births, all, because that was the norm.

She told me something when my DD was born - she was nursed twice. I don't know when the first time stopped, but my grandmother lost a baby when my mother was 4, and was suffering from engorgement. Her family suggested that she nurse my mother because she was so skinny and would benefit. So she NEVER asks me when I plan to stop. MIL nursed my husband for around a year, but not sure exactly how long. And, she believes me when I tell her of research. In fact, she advises her daughter based on what I tell her too. So, no pressure on either side to conform to what they think I should do or not do.

CIO - I am not sure, but I don't remember crying too much as a kid except for not wanting to do schoolwork. So, perhaps not. She would tell me however, that I can wait until dd cries to feed her. Good thing I had an exit seminar at the hospital where they specifically told us that you cannot spoil a child by soothing her every time she cries, until she starts using cries to get her way. Also, that if a baby cries for food, I've waited too long to nurse her. I experienced this first hand. On the rare occasion that I was delayed nursing her, it was impossible to get her to latch on. Needless to say, I never listened to that bit of advice of mom's, and watched for fist sucking or lip smacking.


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## JohannaInDairyland (Mar 24, 2009)

My mom had four c-sections and breastfed all of us. This definitely had an impact on my decision to BF since it was really all I knew. She has been a great source of support on this front. Same with cloth diapers and no circ. When my son was born, I was adamant about keeping him intact because of my mom's example.

Re: sleep, my mom did a little this and that with each kid. Her advice was that each kid has different needs and temperaments, so their sleep needs will be different. She said she co-slept the longest with my youngest brother because she almost lost him once in utero and twice in infancy, and she was scared to let him sleep alone. OTOH, she did some CIO with my sister who was very colicky, after she ran through all her comforting options. We all sleep extremely well.


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## Benners Mum (Sep 10, 2007)

My older brother was born 10 weeks prematurely in 1971. My mom was never encouraged to try breastfeeding with him, so she didn't think she could. I arrived 3 years later & she breastfed me for a year (? maybe longer). I've breastfed my first son for 2.5 years & my youngest for, so far, 14 months.


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## Veslemor (May 11, 2010)

Another 70's baby here. I don't know how much my mom smoked during her pregnancies, but I know she said she chain smoked thru out labor and delivery- in the hospital! My mom bf'd me when I was born, but I was "failing to thrive" so the Dr.s said it was her milk and she needed to switch me to formula. I went into anaphylactic shock from soy formula, so was switched to cow and soon developed that allergy as well. And I was withering away and dieing. Pretty soon my mom was getting frozen milk (from the mother of my future boyfriend who was born the same day as I). Her milk was used to help mom re-lactate, and I was bf'd until I was almost 3, even tho that was considered very unusual, due to having so many allergies. So I would say that this affected my desire to bf since I knew that allergies can be passed on, but I probably would have bf anyway just because I'm attracted to natural living.

CIO was the big thing in my family. I'm surprised to see it referred to here as only a sleeping technique; in my family it meant if you were crying, you were locked in your room until you were done. My parents were psychologists, and it was the theory that any attention was a reinforcer. Since crying was undesired, you just didn't give it any attention. Consequently, I have almost no attachment to my parents. So I would say that it influenced me greatly. People in my family always said they hoped when I had kids that they would be criers so I could see what I put my family through with hours of screaming. My first son was very colicky/ high needs as a baby and he did cry a lot. I can say that I grew spiritually from that because I certainly spent a lot of time in prayer and it was very cathartic for me. It's a little sad in retrospect because I felt like it was my lot in life, and had I had a different perspective I might have spent some of that time out of meditation rocking my child and on the 'net trying to figure out diet changes which may have helped. I remember one day when he was a couple of months old my mom called and he started in with the crying so I told her I had to get off the phone. She told me, "Just lay him down. And walk away. Just walk away". It sounded like the creepiest thing I'd ever heard. Now he's four and he's never had a marathon tantrum, and I know it is because I always comfort him. When he was young I got to work out a lot of old feelings of anger and neglect, but now I just feel sorry for my parents that they missed out on all the best parts of parenting which all come from having a strong love bond.


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## tabrizia (Oct 24, 2007)

My Mom breastfed me for 10 months, until she knew she was pregnant with my sister. She breastfed my sister for 12 months and the twins for 12 and 13 months! She did CIO with all of us, and did CIO with all of us, but not the extreme never go in and check type, more of the couple of minutes type. She also co-slept with us from when we were 6+ months on, she couldn't sleep with us in the room when we were infants, but I know my sister slept with my parents from around 6 months till 4, when she told her there was no more room. She also babywore, as did my Dad, and did cloth diapers with me and my sister, though switched to disposables with the twins.

Other then the CIO my Mom was actually fairly crunchy and she has been a good support with how I am raising my 3. I don't do everything she did, and we don't agree about everything, but she was definately fairly crunchy for the late 70s/early 80s and raising her children.


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## LittleBirdy (Apr 28, 2008)

I know this is an old thread but I just stumbled upon it and was fascinated so I thought I'd bring it back to life









My mom BF either me or my older sister until she went back to work at 6 weeks PP. I can never remember which. I think it might have been me since sister was born in the late 70's and I was early 80's when BFing had started to come back into vogue? I asked her if she ever let us cry to sleep and she said no, but I wonder if that might be a little subjective. She said it was book, bottle/boob, bed and that it was never a problem. So there may have been some tears/fussing but she doesn't count that because we didn't scream our heads off for hours? And she did say that my older sister STTN the first time because she didn't get the bottle prepared fast enough, so I guess that's unintentional CIO? Needless to say there was no cosleeping.

My mom didn't really influence my decision to breastfeed, and I don't fault her for her choices at the time. She did what she thought was best with the information she had availalbe to her, just like we all do. And the information she had available to her was far less than what we have - just think: no internet! She pretty much had her mom's advice, a few words from the L&D nurses and maybe a copy of Dr. Spock.

As for CIO... I remember asking her all about this when my difficult sleeper was presenting. And I do remember thinking that if she had let me CIO that I might change my mind about it, because I knew that I was OK after it all. I was pretty desperate at that time. But because she said she didn't do it, I stuck to my guns and kept nursing DS at every one of his very very many nightwakings. He's 11 months old and still a frequent night nurser and now looking back I'm glad I did what I did - so thanks Mom


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## mad4mady (Dec 29, 2006)

my mom did not breastfeed me at all. she had a fairly negative view of bfing and with dd1 it did have an influence since i was having a hard time bfing and really needed support. with dd2 her feelings had no influence and in fact i was able to talk to her and change some of her views towards bfing. she is somewhat supportive of bfing now so that is cool.


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## MountainMamaGC (Jun 23, 2008)

My mom breastfed and coslept because it was free and easy. She only coslept for the first 6 months and then moved us to a crib, but then my brother and I coslept in the same crib till I was about 3 or 4. He is 18 months younger than me. We are still close to this day.

I breastfed because my mom taught me that it was frivolous to formula feed, and I would be thankful I was doing it when I could just roll over, nurse and go back to sleep. I am totally thankful.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Breastfed all of us, early (2 months I think) solids and some bottles when parents were going out. (that I remember bc I would bottlefeed my baby brother). No CIO here! I remember my mother sitting outside my baby brothers room (first in his bed, then a few nights later holding his hand, then in the room, then in the hall, til he was used to sleeping alone). I've only heard a baby CIO once, and DH and I made an excuse and quickly left the house. Now I say to relatives that I don't care how they get babies to sleep, but I don't stay overnight nor may they stay with me if they are presently sleep training. I suspect a few don't like it, but since I leave the room to nurse for their sensibilities, they can leave the screaming and puking for their own houses!


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## bandgeek (Sep 12, 2006)

I was nursed for 2 1/2 years and my parents don't believe in CIO. I definitely lucked out! Not just in that I got lots of snuggles and closeness, but because I don't have to hear them talk smack about how I raise MY kids! LOL


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## Fynns Mommy (Jun 1, 2011)

My mom breast fed my brother and I both for about 18 months each. I know that she co-slept, but I'm not sure for how long. This discussion definitely makes me want to talk to my mom more about this though  I know my dad would not have been ok with co-sleeping past infancy, because he's quite misinformed honestly. He thinks I'm silly for not wanting to let him babysit my son overnight at 7 months old. I also dont know if they did CIO or not.

I personally dont like CIO very much. I know a lot of people who do it though. My cousin, who is like a sister to me has done that with her 3 boys (oldest is almost 4yrs and youngest is 10 months) and is convinced that that is the ONLY way to do it. I can see why she thinks that because she has extremely nice, polite, well behaved, happy little boys who go to bed when they're told without putting up a fight (except occasionally the youngest). But I know that there's always more than one way to do things.

When my son was a newborn, CIO would not work with him at all. He's a cuddler, and I love cuddling him, so this was fine. Now that he's gotten older, it's changed a bit. He's fairly consistent in his routine; awake for 2-4 hours, sleep for 1-3, sometimes more, sometimes less. He's really sleepy in the mornings, and is easy to put down for naps for the most part. But usually in the afternoon or evening, when he's tired is when he's his fussiest. He wont fall asleep at the breast or in my arms at all. My choices are to put him in the carseat and drive around (in a car with very little gas, of course) or his crib. Sometimes I put him in his crib and he'll fall right asleep. Other times he cries for a little bit first. Sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes 15. 20 minutes is my max though, so at that point if he's still upset I'll go get him and try to nurse again. He refuses, and is content to practice his crawling on the floor for a little bit longer. When the eye rubbing fussiness starts again, it's back to the crib and usually the second time is the charm, he'll fall right asleep. Again, I dont really like CIO, and I hate hearing him cry, but I've found through lots of trial and error that sometimes, my son does have to just cry. He'll go literally ALL day with no sleep at all otherwise, and it makes him miserable. He's always happy as a clam once he wakes up from his nap, of course.


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## sunshinemum (Feb 6, 2007)

my mum breastfed me for a couple of months, then was told by a friend that I looked like I was hungry, and to put me on formula, so she did. No CIO that I know of, although I do take with a grain of salt her claim that she just used to put us to bed and we would fall asleep by ourselves, every time!


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## 77sugaree (Jul 3, 2007)

When I was a teenager I asked my mom if she breastfed me and when she told me no, I remember promising myself that I would breastfeed my own kids. She also never allowed us to sleep in her room. I remember being so scared at night but knowing I couldn't go to my parents for comfort. I also promised to never do that to my own kids. So yes, my mom's parenting choices definitely affected how I parent.

I nursed DS1 and DS2 for 2 years each and I plan to nurse DD for at least that long. And we co-sleep and don't plan to stop anytime soon.

What's funny is my mom is super supportive of my style of parenting and criticizes my step-sister for formula feeding and CIO.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Breastfed, yes, for almost 3 years (tandem nursed w/my lil bro). CIO - no. At least I'm pretty sure we were never left anywhere to cry. My mom was very AP/NFL.


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## intange (Feb 4, 2011)

My mom Bf-ed all three of us for about 4 months, except my adopted youngest brother, that's what she told me. She wean because her milk 'dried up' I'm not sure how it can happen in reality, I'm BF-ing my 21 months DS without any 'drying' happen, thanks god. She never cio, as far as I remember. My youngest brother however was adopted, and he breastfed for a month by his biological mother before we adopted him. I remember he always sleep in his crib in my mom and dad bedroom until he was about 1-2 year and then he had his own room. He never cried. I remember vividly he was a pious baby, seldom fussing.


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## ocelotmom (Jul 29, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *intange*
> 
> My mom Bf-ed all three of us for about 4 months, except my adopted youngest brother, that's what she told me. She wean because her milk 'dried up' I'm not sure how it can happen in reality, I'm BF-ing my 21 months DS without any 'drying' happen, thanks god. She never cio, as far as I remember. My youngest brother however was adopted, and he breastfed for a month by his biological mother before we adopted him. I remember he always sleep in his crib in my mom and dad bedroom until he was about 1-2 year and then he had his own room. He never cried. I remember vividly he was a pious baby, seldom fussing.


3-4 months is a common time for this complaint. That's around the time milk production switches fully over to autocrine control - milk is produced as it's removed, instead of just being produced automatically as it is when the baby is first born. Because of this, women stop getting engorged or leaking, and in absence of better info, think their milk has dried up. A growth spurt, with the baby nursing frequently and being fussier than usual, can reinforce this idea, when in reality it's totally normal and not a problem.

This is also the time when supply problems tend to develop for women who are feeding their baby on a schedule, rather than on demand - their body produced enough when the milk was produced automatically, but they're not getting adequate stimulation to produce more if they're only feeding every 3-4 hours or whatever. (This could also be an issue for women who went back to work around 12 weeks and weren't able to pump quite frequently enough.)


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## rparker (Jul 15, 2008)

My mother breastfed myself and my sister for a year each, no formula/bottles. She also let us cry it out. I do think that seeing her breastfeed my sister helped to normalize breastfeeding for me. It never occurred to me not to breastfeed. Not doing cry it out with my children, on the other hand, was also a no-brainer... so maybe she didn't have that much influence after all.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

My mother did not breastfeed or even hold me or spend time with me. I was shipped to relatives as an infant. I know I lived with her again by kindergarten, but even then, she never really spoke to me, unless she had to. And then it was to be angry. She was angry if she had to be bothered at all. I am certain she would have done CIO with what little time she had me around. I was also in the hospital a lot during the little time she had me because she was a chain smoker and I kept getting pneumonia.


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## girlspn (Apr 14, 2011)

My mother didn't breastfeed all five of us. I think breastfeeding wasn't in fashion then, because my aunts didn't breastfeed my cousins either (most of us were born in the late '70s and '80s).

I chose to breastfeed after reading about all the benefits, and became very determined after attending a few LLL meetings. I felt it to be the right decision for me and baby. My dh was exclusively breastfed for 3 years so he supports me. I'm lucky enough to be able to spend this time with my baby, so I figure, why not?

So my mother doesn't quite understand my decision to breastfeed exclusively and on demand, believing it to be spoiling the baby. Her argument is that all five of her kids turned out just fine being exclusively formula-fed on schedule, so it has to be good, whereas with breastfeeding, mother needs to put in that much time day and night to nurse baby.

As for CIO, it seems that everyone around me believes that crying is good for the baby's lungs and disapproves of my responding to her cries by nursing. It is easy for everyone to say let the baby CIO when they are not the mother!


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

my mom BF me until i was 6 weeks old and stopped when the ped told her i wasn't gaining enough and had her put me on formula with rice cereal at 6 weeks. i recently found out from my dad that her doctor told her when they took me home to put me in the crib and let me cry... at 2 days old! and they DID! but after the second day my dad said they couldn't take it and they always rocked me to sleep after that. my dad told me then that he was very glad we co-sleep with our kids. my mom BF my bro for 6 months and stopped when the ped said she needed to push more food and formula. i can't remember if the used CIO with him, my guess is they didn't. we didn't co-sleep though.

i guess in some ways how i was parented has led me to parent the way i do. i bf because i do remember my mom doing it and because a SIL did and she was a huge support. but over all i think i parent differently then my mom and it upsets her because she thinks i am judging her.

ETA: after i had ds#1 my grandma came to visit and she told me she only nursed her first dd for 6 weeks and it was so bad that she didn't nurse any of her other children (she had 5 daughters). i think she might have used CIO, but i don't know. she did think i held my kids too much, but then she always wanted to hold them. strangely my grandma (both actually) were awesome. maybe they felt more pressure being a parent, then being a grandparent.


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## yearner-learner (Jul 5, 2011)

My mom always told me she had breastfed all four of her children, of which I am the youngest. I knew we had all had bottles, too.. because there were MANY pictures of us with bottles, but I had assumed she did both.

Well, when I asked her as an adult, after my guy was born, she said she only nursed us 'occasionally' in the hospital, felt very uncomfortable doing it, especially around relatives, and stopped.

She says she is supportive of me nursing my son, but she is constantly asking (she lives out of state) if I am STILL nursing him, when I am going to give him formula, am I going to stop now that he has teeth, etc..he is 8 months old and I will nurse him as long as he needs.

I thought she must have been a bit 'alternative' because she used cloth diapers on me almost exclusively, I was born in 1987.. but when I asked her about it, she said she did it because it was easier.. she used a diaper service and never had to run out and buy diapers. She also said it was cheaper than disposables.

My parents did CIO ALL.THE.TIME... I know for a fact, because everyone in my family does it. I am 24 years old, and all my relatives still tell me how I would never "give in and go to sleep" when I was put in my crib. I would cry for hours before exhausting myself and passing out. Even as an older child, I remember hyperventilating, OFTEN, while locked in my room because of some 'bad' thing I did. I would cry until I vomited. They refused to acknowledge me, except taunting me, which made it worse.

I had terrible nightmares, and knew I could never enter my parents room at night, so I slept in the hallway near their door.

Both of my parents say they don't regret it. They said they didn't want 'spoiled' children and that we all grew up to be well adjusted, independent adults.

I co-slept with my 3 year old, until the day his baby brother was born (older boy was 2y,10m) and everyone told me I was creating a monster, he wouldn't adjust, etc.. well, he transitioned just find into his own toddler bed, at the foot of my bed. He has absolutely no sleep issues, goes to sleep without a fuss, if he wakes up at night, he will come to my bed and sleep with me and the baby. When the baby was tiny, I didn't allow him in my bed, though he never fussed about it.

I think it's impossible not to be influenced by how you were raised.. either you parent how you were parented or you parent the opposite.

I will never let my children CIO, I will ALWAYS comfort them when they need it, they will ALWAYS know I love them and I am there for them. They are always welcome in my bed. I spent most of my childhood scared or upset, I am not joking.


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## yearner-learner (Jul 5, 2011)

I wanted to add something interesting.. my grandma had 8 children, they are like.. 64 - 45 years old. She didn't breastfeed ANY of them, not ONCE. She said no one she knew breastfed, and the doctors just gave a shot to dry up the milk. She used corn syrup mixed with evaporated milk, but had to use 'that expensive formulated' stuff on my dad (2nd youngest) because he wasn't gaining weight.

I was so surprised that it was 'unheard' of to breastfeed back then.. especially in a poor family in South Dakota!

We have come a long way, but breastfeeding still isn't as accepted as it should be.


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## Sharon RN (Sep 6, 2006)

My mother did not breastfeed any of her children, generally because he doctor told her she shouldn't if she was uncomfortable with "things hanging on her breasts."







Goodness, what married woman in the 70's was going to say to her OB, "Oh, I love having my breasts fondled and having things hanging off of them!" Nice.

My mother stayed with my for 3 months after DS#2 was born, and she was a godsend. Very supportive of BF (as she had been with DS#1), co-sleeping, baby wearing (even put on the Moby), etc. Despite her OB (grrrr!) she lucked into a good pediatrician who advised her AGAINST letting babies CIO or feeding on a schedule. He told her babies had their own schedules, and she needed to answer to their needs. She said that with her first 3, my parents co-slept for about 6 months because they enjoyed it, and then we were moved to a crib. Her 4th, my younger sister, died of SIDS (during a nap)







, and #5 (my younger brother) not only co-slept with my parents, but they would take shifts so that at least 1 of them was awake all night to watch him sleep. I don't know how long they did that, at least a year if not more.


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