# devastating news...m/c mentioned



## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

I'm afraid I need to vent. We lost our baby yesterday.

We went in for our 12 week OB appt and we were hoping to "hear" the baby's heartbeat. When she couldn't find it, she u/s (both abd and vag) me and there was no heartbeat. We couldn't believe it. We had a nice strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. I look and feel pregnant. This was totally shocking to us. The baby measured at about 10 1/2 weeks, so it must have happened fairly recently. I did have some dark brown spotting over the weekend, (read post) and didn't think too much of it.

We will be having a "full" workup on ourselves and the fetus since this is our second m/c. I don't know what to think.

I had a D and C yesterday and it went as good as a D and C can go. I'm not able to sleep tonight (it's 3:00 in the morning!!) maybe due to the drugs. I did loose alot of blood.

This is "worse" than the first time since we thought we were getting out of the "danger period". How can I trust my body again??

It's not fair. I know that on a spiritual level there are no mistakes and that things happen for a reason. It's sure hard to "digest" that right now. I am completely devastated. How could this happen again?????

Have any of you been through this and have had children? Any good grief books- that are more on a "spiritual level?"

Thanks for listening to me and letting me vent.


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## behr (Dec 10, 2001)

I'm so sorry Abylite!!!
I have no help, nor have i been through what you're going through, I just had to send you my best wishes and warm feelings. It must be so hard especially since you where so far along already. I wish you the very best trying to get htrough your grief.
B.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Abylite, My heart is breaking for you. It's such devistating news for you and your family.

It sounds like you're still in shock. Please know we're here for you and send our love and support







.

Please feel free to pm or email me if you need to talk more.


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## mommybritt (Nov 19, 2001)

Abylite -







to you. I'm so sorry to hear your sad, sad news. Please be gentle to yourself. I'm glad that you are going to try and get some answers - I personally think that's very important. When you're ready, please post about your tests, etc. Lots of us have been through miscarriages and infertility and hopefully we can help you through this. Lots of love to you.


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

Oh, Abylite, my heart hurts for you. I am so very, very sorry.

I also believe there are no accidents, and have had incredible spiritual experiences surrounding Kevin's death, and my other losses (three chemical pregnancies, m/c at 10 weeks, and ectopic pregnancy). But none of that perspective or knowledge takes away the hurt. I struggled with that quite a bit after Kevin died. I kept thinking that since I knew he had fulfilled his purpose, then I shouldn't be so shattered. (And I had several people tell me that, so I guess that reinforced the idea). But now I believe that the grief and pain are a very important part of the healing that Kevin came to instigate.

My suggestion for a book is "Ended Beginnings" by Claudia Panuthos and Catherine Romeo. Its perspective really resonates with me. Another really good book (on grief in general) is "The Grief Recovery Workbook" by John James and Russell Friedman. I've also done quite a bit of energetic/emotional release work that has made a huge difference for me. It has also helped integrate the spiritual perspective with the emotional pain.

To answer your question, my early losses were between my twins and Kyle (now 3 1/2). So, I did have consecutive losses, and then had a healthy baby.

Please know that even though there are no accidents, what you are going through right now is horrendously painful. I'm just so sorry...

Love to you,
Katherine


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## AnnR33 (Aug 1, 2002)

I am so sorry for your loss! I hope you find some answers in your tests-I know how hard we want answers to this kind of heartache.
I m/c at 10 weeks between my DS and DD and I was so worried I wouldn't be able to conceive again-time does heal.
Please be kind to yourself too and take care!

Blessings to your angel baby.

Ann


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

Oh Abylite







I am so sorry. I saw your post yesterday in I'm Pg & was thinking about you today. It must have been such a shock so be gentle on yourself for a while. I found reikii amazingly helpful with dealing with the anger, the hurt & the shock. I'm not sure as words can express this sort of thing adequately second time around.

As to your ?s. I went thru this twice in just slightly less than 6 months. I had an ectopic pregnancy. It was a risk but all my blood work had indicated everything was OK until I went for the 6 1/2 week scan. Big shock #1. Then the next time I got pg ( 6 weeks later ) all the blood work was OK, had the 6 1/2 week scan & saw a strong heartbeat, had killer 24/7 morning sickness for 14 1/2 weeks ( so over the next danger period ) then it stopped suddenly one morning & 2 weeks later I got the big dark blood clot & got sent for a scan & the baby had died at about 14.5 weeks. Big shock#2 .

I'm not sure as it is ever to do with trusting your body again. I think once that naievity of it not happening to me has been taken from you, all you can really do is either let it go & take a what will be will be attitude aka stick your head in the sand or you can do as much as you can before you ttc next time to ensure a healthy pg & then spend each subsequent pregnancy a nervous wreck - which is what I did. I *think* maybe it would have helped if I had found out exactly what caused my second loss as I would have had something to focus on. Like it was X & X is OK this time. Whereas for me having no real reason I just spent my next pg & this current one waiting for something bad to happen. That said, I have one healthy happy 2 1/2 yr old & am in due in 5 weeks with the next one. So you do get thru it. I found with ttc & being pg, acupuncture really helped with the whole process & keeping me emotionally sane. What I found even better is acupuncturists ( or a good one ) can tell from your pulses when you are pg. Even before a blodd test can. They can also tell if the baby is still alive, as your pulses change if it isn't. So all those times I went to see my acupuncturist for morning sickness in the first trimester, she could say the baby is OK. So I could breathe for the next 24 hrs.

I grapple with the spirtual level a bit some times. I know so many ppl who have babies who have such bad karma. I know too it is not my place to judge. But I'm not sure I can totally relate to the me needing my babies to die to give me a lesson. Or quite a few of the other women I know who have had this happen for that matter. I tried & still try to get something spiritual from the experience as I feel I need to take the positive & move on with my life & not sit there & fester in bitterness. Knowing one or two women who have done that kinda shocked me out of it. But it is easy to do.

Please be gentle on yourself & take good care. PM me if you need to talk

Edited coz the love smiliey has a big grin on its face & it looked terrible. What I meant was much love to you & a massive


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## wolfmom (Jan 10, 2003)

My thoughts and prayers are with you!
peace and health,
jenny


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## karenpl (Dec 18, 2001)

So sorry for your loss, Abylite! {{{{ HUGS }}}}

Please take good care of yourself and we are always here to listen to you and support you.

Karen


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## emmaline (Dec 16, 2001)

I'm so very sorry abylite, what a blow,esp thinking you had got past the riskiest time

I also had two m/c close together, 13 yrs ago. The first just broke my heart, it was so bad that by the second all I could muster was akind of numb acceptance that nothing was as I thought it was

it took until very recently, even with two beautiful living children, to lay aside most of the pain and grief, though reading your post makes it all feel fresh again

I learned many lessons, from the sure knowledge that suffering exists in life to knowing that my heart was opened by the pain of loss as much as by the love I had for those babies

I hope you can have as much time and space as you need to heal


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## turquoise (Oct 30, 2002)

I'm so sorry for your loss!







There's a lot of support on this board, and please vent all that you need.

I lost my first at 10 wks, had a beautiful baby boy a year later, had another loss at 14wks - a partial molar. We found out the day after Christmas just after we finally told my mom (why we took so long to tell her is another story). We think the baby died at about 9 weeks; and like you I bled a lot - I almost didn't get to go home and I needed a 2nd d&c a few weeks later. Then we had a natural MC at about 9 weeks. Then we had our second child, a beautiful baby girl now almost 6m old.

Your body is a beautiful and magical thing. With all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy and birth, it's truly a miracle that any of us are here today. I'm soooo sorry for your suffering, I pray that your next baby is healthy and beautiful and I'm sending happy healthy baby thoughts your way.

On a spiritual level, I don't think everything happens for a divine reason. I can't believe that God, who loves me, would purposefully hurt me in hopes that I learn a lesson. I think that when God has a lesson for me to learn the message is perfectly clear. I believe that some things are just random and that God suffers with me because of them, just like I suffer when something bad happens to my children. God didn't cause these things to happen, but I do think he allows them to happen and he hopes and expects me to take something good from the bad. We can't control the things that happen to us, but we can control how we respond to them.

Please go easy on yourself and take care of yourself while your mind, body, spirit heal. Lots of hugs for you.


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## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

Thank you all for your warm replies. The tears come and go...sometimes they come very unexpectantly!

I'm hoping that when we have the testing that it may show something that will help us keep the next baby...or that everything is fine and it's another fluke.

I'm taking care of myself as much as I can. I have some time off from work (so thankful because I work in pediatrics with abused kids...). We will be starting our new life in another part of this country in 2 weeks so I'll continue packing in a couple of days.

Thanks again. I'm so glad you all are "here".


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## indiegirl (Apr 15, 2002)

Oh my dear. I am so sorry.

I've had two miscarriages and have two babies. First m/c was very early, didn't know i was pg. Second m/c was at 11 weeks. Sounds similar to yours--in fact.

I went on to have a beautiful baby girl four months ago. The first trimester of Zoe's pg was terrible. I never relaxed. I don't know if its a comfort or not...

My heart is with you. I know how terrible it is to lose a wee one.

Jesse


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## EmmalinesMom (Feb 9, 2003)

Abylite, I'm so, so sorry.









Our situations are similar in that our most recent mc was also a bit unexpected, and right around the same time.

I wish you much luck and happiness in with your move and "new life."

Take care,


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