# I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this ?, but I'll try!



## benjamins mommy (Aug 24, 2008)

I have a 5 mo. old and he is quite spoiled. I need help breaking the patterns but I have no help. I live with my parents and husband and no one in the house can stand for him to cry so they automatically pick him up as soon as a peep comes out of his precious little mouth haha. I'm a young, new mom so I need some advice!

Here's my questions:

1. How long could/does it take for them to get tired of crying. I lay him down for tummy time and after a while he gets bored and cranky and begins to cry. I let him cry for about 10 mins. then I lay down with him and try to get him to play or just talk to him and rub his back, BUT I don't pick him up. Am I doing a good thing? Will that help break him from being so spoiled with being picked up every time he cries?

2. Is comfort nursing a "spoiled" thing? Sometimes he doesn't stop crying until he can nurse. Even when my husband or family member try to give him a bottle. If he was just hungry he'd take the bottle right? He does bottle feed often so that's why I ask that question. How can I break that?!

Any tips on how to break the spoiled habits would be greatly appreciated. *As far as anything goes!!* And any tips to prevent this behavior in the future would help also.


----------



## KarmaJoy (Jan 25, 2006)

It can be so hard and draining at that age to meet all of his needs BUT...there is no such thing as a spoiled 5 month old. Even the most demanding baby is just expressing his needs and at that age the very best thing you can do is love him and show him that by picking him up, and soothing him every time he cries. It will help build a strong foundation for your relationship in the future and his own development. Just try to change your focus to keep that baby happy and I promise it will be easier on both of you! I held my dd every possible moment I could and everyone told me she would be so spoiled and clingy, but I can tell you she is bright, independent, self aware, articulate, and unspoiled at 3.


----------



## abomgardner417 (Jun 19, 2007)

5 mo old still seems pretty young to me to be worried about "spoiling". At this point babies cry because they need something whether it's a diaper change, a feeding, or YOU, they're not crying to be manipulative.

I don't think one can expect a small baby to be content face down on the floor for very long. The attention span just isn't there yet and let's face it, there's not much to see down on the floor. If he's bored with tummy time then he needs picked up and shown other things or how else will he learn? He's only been on the planet 5 mo and still needs to be near to people, whether it's mama for a comfort nursing or others.

I would keep picking him up/carrying him around personally. My mil told me my twins were "spoiled" because they would cry unless you picked them up at 8 wks old. I unfortunately followed her advice w/ one of them and now have a very hard to deal with toddler. I'm certain had I carried him close to me in a sling more I wouldn't be having these security issues now. Just my $0.02!


----------



## New_Natural_Mom (Dec 21, 2007)

Gently, you CANNOT spoil a 5 month old. If your baby is crying it is b/c his needs aren't being met. You carried him around for 9 months, a part of you, so is it so hard to imagine in these overwhelming, confusing first months he wants to be held and be close to you? I don't let my son cry for longer than it takes me or my hubsand to get to him. I make sure he is fed, warm/cool enough, not overtired, not sick, and if all those needs are met it just means he wants to be held. Why would you think that is spoiling? It is great that you have a support system.

Needing or wanting to nurse is legitimate and not spoiling. Perhaps your son just wants to be more connected to you. This community can provide lots of advice & support. Have you been checked for postpartum depression? Do you understand what a 5 month old baby needs developmentally? Try reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort.


----------



## emmaegbert (Sep 14, 2004)

My son never would take bottles, and he loved to be with me all the time. I nursed him on demand (and really, really, it gets much less frequent and they can go for longer and longer periods w/out it). It would be normal and understandable for your baby to want to "comfort nurse" and personally I think it is wonderful to meet the emotional needs of your infant in this way. Babies will also want to nurse more when they are experiencing any other kinds of stress- teething (could be happening at 5mo), developmental changes (is he about to start sitting, has he recently begun smiling and babbling more?), overstimulation (does he want to comfort nurse when everyone is around, or when the tv is on, or when you are out and about), sickness, or really to smooth over any kind of significant changes in daily life. Nursing is a two-way relationship and if *you* need more space or time between nursings (within normal reason for nutrition and comfort) then, even if this might be unpopular to say here, I think thats okay too. You will find other ways to be close and loving, and offer comfort (or, to alleviate some of the other stresses, if you can figure out what they are). Also, I know of other babies who only wanted bottles if mom was actually out. The breast is definitely the best as far as most babies are concerned!

I used slings and carriers a LOT. I really recommend those if you haven't gotten into it yet. With babywearing, you can get much more done in your day and your baby will be happy and interested in it, but you are NOT lying on the floor trying to "entertain" an infant, or leaving an infant crying, bored, frustrated, whatever! I read somewhere (sorry, can't remember where now...) that a baby should be IN the center of activity, but should not BE the center of activity. SO-- you can play with your baby for 10 minutes of tummy time, then pop him in the sling and do whatever you have to do and he'll very happily accompany you (and meanwhile learn a lot about the world from this great perch). My son developed extremely good head control and strong back and stomach from being in the sling too (IMO, or maybe he would have been like that anyway? I don't know).

There are free patterns for slings online, and they are very simple and easy to make with minimal sewing skills. You can also purchase them easily if the money is not an issue. I had a wrap-style sling and pocket sling that I was given, and a ring sling that I made. I used them all at different times for different things. Sleepingbaby.net has lots of free patterns and pictures and descriptions.

BTW, my son plays beautifully on his own now (at age 3) and still is very needy in some ways (normal for his age I think) but a fearless and independent child. He also eats normal food on a normal schedule, doesn't snack all day long or eat for comfort (actually... that sounds more like me... who was, as a baby, breastfed on a strict "schedule"!)

And, how lucky for your child to have extended family around. I live across the country from all our relatives and I know that my son always seemed to grow by leaps and bounds from all the extra stimulation, love and attention when we are visiting back east. That said, I do know what you mean about family members not being able to "stand" hearing a baby cry. Sometimes they do cry, even when full of milk, in a dry diaper, and held by their mom.

A book I really liked and found helpful is called "becoming the parent you want to be"... they talk about what to expect from babies and children of different ages, and talk about various strategies as a parent for meeting the needs of children AND parents. The authors also do address family situations such as multiple generations, single parents, etc. Its easy to buy and probably available at the library and might help you clarify some of your thoughts and expectations for this age.

Hope something in this long rambling post helps. Your 5mo sounds very normal and will very normally grow out of these behaviors without you having to "do" anything about it. For example... soon he will not be still in "tummy time" and instead will be roaming all over the home finding every last little dangerous or dirty thing you can possibly imagine, and you will look back with fondness on the days when you could plop him down and he'd stay put!

-Emma


----------



## emmaegbert (Sep 14, 2004)

oh, and I wanted to add, that babies, just like grownups, have very different temperments and needs. So, though its tempting to compare the needs and rhythms of your baby to others, its not always that helpful!

oops, nap is over, gotta go!


----------



## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

You cannot spoil a baby. There is nothing you need to "break him" of. At this age his wants are his needs. He wants to be held, then he needs to be held. Please do not let him cry.


----------



## MrsSurplus (Dec 30, 2005)

: I agree w/PPs: you can't spoil a 5mo.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *benjamins mommy* 
Will that help break him from being so spoiled with being picked up every time he cries?

What has always helped me is to imagine that you are in your baby's situation. If you were bored and incapable of feeding, talking, walking, otherwise getting around, wouldn't you be upset also? He's trying to communicate a need.

Quote:

2. Is comfort nursing a "spoiled" thing? Sometimes he doesn't stop crying until he can nurse. Even when my husband or family member try to give him a bottle. If he was just hungry he'd take the bottle right? He does bottle feed often so that's why I ask that question. How can I break that?!
Don't break it! These will be some of your fondest memories one day. Do you like when your husband cuddles you or holds your hand? So does your baby.

Hang in there, Mama...this time passes far too quickly!


----------



## mimie (Mar 7, 2003)

There are no habits that need breaking at five months old. Just do what you need to do to keep him happy and yourself sane. They change so fast at this age - in a few months, you'll be marveling at how the "bad habits" you worried about so much have just disappeared as he grew and matured.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Hold him, nurse him whenever he wants, just love him.







You can't spoil with love and attention. Dr. Sears describes spoiling as with fruit. Fruit doesn't spoil by being used. It spoils by sitting and being ignored until it's too late.


----------



## shantimama (Mar 11, 2002)

You might find Dr. William Sears' book The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two an incredibly helpful resource to have around.

Babies need loads of touch, attention, holding, feeding and love. having those needs responded to helps them grow into more content, independent people than if those needs are ignored. It may sound counter-intuitive, but it is true - a need that is _met_ is a need that goes away.

Try browsing through some of Peggy O'Mara's editorials from _Mothering_ magazine. There is much wisdom and encouragement in her words.


----------



## aaronsmom (Jan 22, 2007)

I'm going to agree with all the previous posters but I am going to add this: I think you should visit the Babywearing forum. Using a carrier will free up your hands, allow babe to be close to you and see the world all at the same time!
It is very stressful being a new mom but letting baby cry is never a good idea. And I'd also recommend nursing on demand.








ETA: When I'm feeling smothered by my kids needing so much attention, I try to remember as far back as I possibly can. How did I feel when I wanted my mommy's attention? How did I feel when I didn't get it? How did I feel when I did? Try putting yourself in your LO's shoes to gain some perspective.


----------



## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

I didn't want to read an not reply. I agree with everyone else. Hold that baby every chance you get.
and would you give his little baby head a sniff for me...love those baby heads!!


----------



## PrennaMama (Oct 10, 2005)

Me too... couldn't read and not reply.

Soon enough he won't _want_ to be held so much at all... even not at all. They get big fast, girl... hold him all the time. You'll miss it when you can't.


----------



## Mommoo (Jun 26, 2008)

How fortunate that you came to MDC for advice. Please follow what these thoughtful mamas have shared with you. Keep strong mama, it's true that it all passes too quickly. Never wanting my baby's cries to go unanswered, I was so relieved to find out that there was no such thing as spoiling my infant, that I could hold and comfort and nurse my baby whenever he needed.


----------



## bright_eyes (Dec 7, 2007)

Please do not worry about spoiling your precious baby!!! You can only "spoil" him by not attending to his needs. When he cries, he is simply trying to communicate with you and letting you know he has a need that must be met. When he is responded to immediately, you are teaching him that his needs are important, that he can communicate those needs to you, and that he can trust you to take care of him. You are building a relationship with him. If you can form a close bond with him, it will be so much easier to raise him. You will never regret the loving attention you dote on him now. Love does not spoil kids!!!

Here is a great article about babies and theirs cries that you might enjoy: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp#T051204

Here's another link about babies and spoiling them. (scroll down to the part about spoiling, it also has tons of great links for even more reading). http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns...aby.html#spoil

And with regards to the nursing thing. It's normal for a breast feeding baby to refuse bottles, even if they are hungry. Babies are smart, they know where the good stuff comes from, and it's not in a bottle. Even if you are feeding him expressed milk in a bottle, it's still not the same. Straight from the breast is where most prefer it- it's the right temperature, it means you get to cuddle with mom, it is comforting. Comfort nursing is OKAY!!!! It won't last forever and it will do your baby way more good than harm.
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sl...g.html#comfort


----------



## EarthMamaToBe (Feb 19, 2008)

Fruit spoils not babies!


----------



## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

I 'spoiled' my babies too, according to just about anyone who saw me with them. I now have three very independent, daring, self sufficient, well adjusted children.

Let your baby know now that you'll be there for him when he needs you and it will do wonders to increase his independence when he's old enough to do things for himself.


----------



## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

i 'spoiled' my babies horribly and today my oldest 2 go off regularly to all sorts of adventures and are very confident and independent.


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
You cannot spoil a baby. There is nothing you need to "break him" of. At this age his wants are his needs. He wants to be held, then he needs to be held. Please do not let him cry.









this

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EarthMamaToBe* 
Fruit spoils not babies!

and







:

-Angela


----------



## Tilia (Nov 18, 2006)

Oh, yeah, just hold him and let him nurse whenever he wants! Its called nursing on-demand as opposed to scheduled. It makes a happy baby, and it is so good for him, physically and mentally.


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think it is great to teach children that you will always be there to help them from the time they are young, especially when they are infants. I really strongly recommend the Attachment Parenting book by Dr. Sears. It is very good. What your family is doing sounds like what they should be doing.
Babies have very short attention spans so ten minutes is a long time to wait. They have attention spans that normally last more like ten seconds unless something is just really fascinating.
As to the breast feeding question, the breast has a completely different feel than a bottle and the comfort level and taste is very different so he is showing a preference for the person and the food he loves most in the world in the way that is most soothing to him, he is not showing that he is just nursing for comfort. If you really would like some more time between nursing sessions then you might consider trying to nurse twice from the same breast before switching over so that he gets milk that is higher in the good fat. This is good for his brain and may help his tummy to stay happy longer. It will take a couple of days for your breasts to adjust to this though and that may mean for longer fussier sessions, but after those few days you should see a difference.
You really can't spoil a baby but the work is very draining. Be sure to nap a lot when he is napping whenever that is possible.


----------



## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

The greatest way i ever heard to explain this was - the only way to spoil a baby is to leave it on a shelf. At least until they are 1, and imo older every cry is an expression of need. Comfort nursing is a great tool, especially when you can't figure out what they want, often it's just to be close to you!







My dd cried almost non stop until she was 4 mos. I could not set her down for anything. The only time I sat her down and let her cry was to get a shower when I got too stinky, and then I would sing to her as best I could to try to connect to her. I didn't know about shower slings then, and I was afraid I would drop her. I didn't sling her much at all, I was just too milky. I had to just hold her all the time and visit the chiro often







It is really hard, but having people around who are willing to help sure is a blessing! My x worked like crazy and I was on my own.


----------



## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

Beautiful Mama, you have gotten some great advice here. I just wanted to add that breastfeeding as much as possible (exclusively if you can) will also keep your supply up so you can continue to nurse your baby for as long as is possible (the World Health Organization recommends two years). Pumping just isn't as effective as nursing itself. Hang in there. You absolutely canNOT spoil a baby!


----------



## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Hey Benjamin's Mommy: Welcome to Mothering! I see you are relatively new.

Mothering is a little bit alternative and it sounds like maybe you have some what we would call mainstream ideas about parenting.

However, the facts back up the advice you are receiving in this case. You can also call your ped and ask them and they will agree with what you are hearing here.

That being said, here are some add'l thoughts.

1. At 5 months babies are working on a lot of motor skills so, while it's important to respond to baby's cries, it's equally important not to soothe away learning opportunities. If you see that your babe is trying to do something (reach for a toy, roll over) help him achieve his goal (move the toy closer, help him roll). That should alleviate the fussing, if not pick him up and love him or offer him the boob.

The motor development may be why baby is more fussy and vocal in general. It is not a sign to break your baby of being spoiled, but a sign to nurture and support his growth in such a way that he knows he can depend on you.

2. If you have recently fed the baby and all he wants is more and you are ready to pull your hair out, try a change of scenery or a new activity. Maybe baby is bored. However, you really want to nurse as much as possible to keep your supply up. You may also want to consider that maybe your supply is a bit low, hence the constant eating, and try some fenugreek (it's cheap on amazon.com and once you start, don't stop taking it).

3. You will be able to tell when baby is really having a tantrum and when they want something vs. needs it. Trust me, you can't miss it! But 5 months is waaaay too early for that. For the first year, try to focus on following your baby's lead as much as you can.

4. I would suggest reading some parenting books. I know a lot of people like Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn (I have a copy on order but haven't read it) and I've heard Barbara Coloroso mentioned too. You will want some ideas and tools in place for when your baby is actually a toddler and truly needs some gentle discipline. Actually, even reading the threads on this forum are an education.

Good luck momma! Let us know how it goes for you.

V


----------



## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

I agree with everything said here and just wanted to add to this question.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *benjamins mommy* 

2. Is comfort nursing a "spoiled" thing? Sometimes he doesn't stop crying until he can nurse. Even when my husband or family member try to give him a bottle. If he was just hungry he'd take the bottle right? He does bottle feed often so that's why I ask that question. How can I break that?!

You are looking at this from a BFing perspective and not a _nursing_ perspective. Nursing is sooo much more than just providing nutrition to your child. It is about the bond and the comfort. I mean, the best way I can get my toddler to relax when she is stressed or hurt is to let her nurse. She does not need nutritionally but emotionally. That is not spoiling. It is just an extra tool in my bag to help my child. IMO it is one of my greatest tools.

Hang around MDC and read a lot. I think you will get a lot of great info you are looking for.


----------



## Kinguk (Jun 26, 2008)

Hello Benjaminsmommy

I am an Early Childhood Educator and have worked with babies and preschoolers for over 5 years. I have an 11 month old.

I would like to dispell the myth about, "spoiling a baby" and my theory on what causes spoiling...

The first year of life your baby is developing trust. During this year they learn whether or not they can trust their maincaregiver. Your job is to nurture him and to respond to his needs right away. He will let you know his needs through body language and verbally. Trust sets the foundation for their emotion development, including their later development of independance.

Let me ask you something: if a baby is hungry, how does he let you know? if he is tired, how does he let you know? if he is uncomfortable, bored, teething...how does he let you know? A baby doesn't say, "mommy, I'm hungry" No. A baby let's you know first by fussing. That's when you need to go to him... you don't want to let it get to the crying stage.
Respond to your baby's cues, verbally and physically.

Their second year is when they begin to develop anatomy = sense of self. They will be developing their independance. If we parent an independant child the same way we parent a dependant baby, then yes, indeed, you will see "spoiled" behaviours start. That is not a bad thing; it's just a behaviour you will need to address then. No child will not be spoiled for life if you address it when it becomes an issue.

Please do not parent out of for fear of spoiling your baby. Respond to what your baby needs. He will know that he can trust you and later on have the confidence to explore his world knowing that there is always someone there for him.

There are a lot of myths out there about spoiling your baby. Please learn more about babies devlopment. I think it's awesome you came to this forum, this a great place to start. Here's a page on babies and crying that I hope you find useful: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp#T051205

Nursing is a whole other topic...but, my baby is sending me a cue...gotta run!!
Good luck and keep posting!!


----------



## Just1More (Jun 19, 2008)

I know where you are coming from, and I'm sure when you read all these responses, you are feeling quite tense inside. Because, from where you are, you are doing the best you can and this itty bitty baby is BOSSING YOU AROUND ALL THE TIME. And you're tired, and you've had it. Me, too. I've been there.

So, to read that there's nothing you CAN do, that you just aren't loving him right and that you need to readjust your expectations can seem like a "thanks a lot answer." So, while I agree with just about everything in this thread thus far, I want to look at a different angle...

Yes, he's just a wee little guy, and I nurse on demand (read 12 hours a day or more...sometimes hours at a time, sometimes all night, sometimes over and over off and on in the space of an hour), I hold my babies all the time, and if it is at all within my means, my babies are NEVER left to cry. Just a little perspective. BUT...I'm still the mama.

When mine are being super demanding, I work on giving them WORDS to say it nice. Really, really little, mine were saying "up, please", etc. I don't want mine to get in the habit for 1.)screaming for what they want (so I do my best to anticpate their needs and do it for them ahead of time, and I don't let the crying escalate.) or 2.)thinking that I won't listen to their requests.

When your baby is crying and crying, for example, because he's on his belly on the floor you have 2 choices. Firstly, leave him and let him cry until he stops. That can take a LONG time. But that's what some people do. Or, you can pick him up. That's what most people here at mothering do.

With the first choice, how long are you going to leave him there. Did you check to see if he's cold? Did you eat something funny and so his belly HURTS? (and he's stuck on it?) Is he just hungry, tired. You really can't expect him to say, "Mama, may I please get up now? I'm really tired and would like a hug." That's totally impossible for him...all he's got is crying. But I don't really believe that either. If you watch him really close, there are all sorts of things he tells you with facial expressions and body language.

Watch him really close (you probably already know this about him), he's got very subtle things he does just before he wails because he's had enough of whatever. Intervene THEN. Fill that belly (even if you just did...ever have days when you are hungry...or thirsty ALL DAY?), show him something new, cuddle him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do a lot with my tiny babies to TEACH them how to be nice and ask for what they need, and to know that I WILL take care of them. What is a baby who is crying it out learning? I'd wager not much, except that mama doesn't listen very well. I'd much rather say, "oh, you want up, please?" (repeat "up, please" in a sing song voice 2 or 3 times while picking him up) d"s wanted up. there. mama has you. up, please." You'll be suprised, within another month or so, you'll be hearing a rudimentary "up please" instead of that ear piercing wail. He's yelling because he doesn't know what ELSE to do...so help him learn. (but DON'T expect him to do it, or punish him for not doing it...just keep helping him, supplying the words and explainations for him...he'll catch on.) And I think you'll find a lot of the tension of being bossed by a baby will disappear as you transition to thinking about explaining to him all the things he doesn't know, and how to do them. Just remember, simple clear words, and only a few of them, repeated and used over and over, every time, is the way right now. He can't take much, he's too little. But he'll catch on. Really, he will.

He's not spoiled...he's just a baby. (c: You're doing fine with him!

Pushing a baby away leads to that awkward separation anxiety, trouble being independant, etc. My dd was VERY clingy until she was about 2.5. I just held her and talked to her softly lots of the time...and nursed, lots and lots...it was her "happy place." Then, a little switch flipped in her, and has never gone back (she's 3.5 now)...she's content to talk to anyone about anything and will approach perfect strangers. She's confident and independant, bright and articulate...not an ounce of spoiled or backward in her. And ds is coming along nicely right behind her. (c:


----------



## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Hey mama. I had my first son at 21 years old and his name is benjamin too!!!! he's 15 now and boy does that time fly, let me tell ya! It really sounds to me like you are worn out. I hear a lot of tiredness in your words. Seeing as you have your DH and your parents, that is a great resource for your and your babe. let them pick him up when he cries, he's happy and it gives you a break. Nurse as often as he likes, that is a great way to meet his physical and emotional needs, nap when he is napping, together if you have the means to co-sleep. Co-sleeping is a great way to night nurse and not loose sleep while youa re doing it. Babywearing is also great because baby is happy and mommy can do what she needs to do and be happy too. These days are so precious, I miss them more than I could ever express to you. Treasure each moment, they are gone way too fast.


----------



## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I hope you're reading all this with an open mind - no one's trying to be critical or hurt your feelings, in fact, I've read quite a lot of caring and help in these responses.

10 minutes on their belly is about all a 5 month old can stand - holding that head up is HARD WORK! It takes all sorts of concentration - it's a full-body physical and mental workout!

Responding to a baby's cries is natural, normal, and a huge part of your job as a parent, especially the first couple years.

Get a sling so baby can get the closeness he needs, and you can get some hands-free time to do stuff around the house.

Nurse as much and as often as possible - for as long as you can! Giving frequent bottles will hinder this. Are you in school/working away from baby? If so, pump frequently, and only allow a bottle to be given when you are not available. Our number one rule with the baby was, if I'm not at work, I WILL be nursing that baby! No overnight bottles "just so I can rest," no "I don't feel like it," no DH thinking he's "helping me out." In the long run, those excuses will ruin your BFing relationship.

Hang in there! It might not all come naturally, but hold that baby, respond to his cries - he's TELLING you something, everytime! It's your job to decipher what those cries mean, and sometimes they mean nothing other than "I want to be held!" which is a huge need to baby, even if it doesn't seem like such a big deal to adults.


----------



## Danielle13 (Oct 31, 2007)

please don't let your baby cry


----------



## benjamins mommy (Aug 24, 2008)

Wow! Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to give me the wonderful advice that has come my way!! I'm deeply appreciative. From the day I read the first post, I've quit letting him cry for more than 30 seconds! I've just heard so much "you're going to spoil that baby if you keep picking him up" and I've also heard things like "it's called being spoiled" when I wonder why he cries every now and then and it seems like no reason. But, that's why I decided to post here and thankfully received plenty of "you're not spoiling him" replies! I hate having him cry so it took a lot out of me to do that to begin with. Alot of yall said that nursing on demand is a great thing to do, which I do, do! I'm a stay at home mom right now so it's great to get that bonding expierience with my baby boy. Also, I read alot about slings, I'd love to have a sling however I don't. I can't really afford one right now either, does anyone know where I can find a cheap but reliable, good one? Somone told me that people make them for a good price too, if anyone happens to know about that??? I appreciate all the articles that were posted for me also, I'm going to have to read into those. I never really knew how much a baby was developing as far as their trust, independence, and so forth, so I'm getting a great education on this, seriously. Once again, thank you to everyone. Keep em' comin too! I enjoy the responses because with each post I learn something new, and that's great to have being a first time and new mom!


----------



## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

I was going to say







: to all the input you had gotten from others, but saw your lovely update. You are doing a wonderful job, mama!







: It is so hard parenting when we get all kinds of conflicting advice from everyone around us and the "experts"... it can be very confusing. All we want is what is best for our sweet babies. The only sure path is to follow your baby's lead and your own heart.









I was able to find a couple slings on eBay for around $20, so you might look into that. Also, women sometimes sell their used carriers. You might want to post in the babywearing forum here and ask what your options might be and how to get started on a limited budget. If you are interested in a wrap, you can easily make your own, even if you don't sew or have a sewing machine.


----------



## Monkeypants (Apr 30, 2004)

I'm so glad of the gentle advise you have recieved here and that things are going better for you and your baby. I wanted to add something: I see that you are a young mom. Everyone wants to give advise to new moms and when you are a young mom, I think is is even more extreme. I just wanted to tell you to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!! Not all advise is good (i.e. "let him cry" and "your spoiling him") Many people don't understand attachment parenting, but I'm telling you (as are so many others on this forum) that it works. Do your research and follow your heart, and don't let the people in your life (however well intentioned) dissuade you from what you feel is best for your baby. Stay strong; just because you are young doesn't mean you don't know what you are doing!!
Good Luck!!


----------



## riaketty (Jul 26, 2007)

Do you have any sewing skills, or someone who can sew up a few seams for you? Honestly, all a "sling" is is a good length of fabric threaded through a ring (at least, that's the most simple version!). Adding a few seams around the ring helps, stability-wise. If you want free patterns, I'm sure there's a post in the babywearing forum somewhere, or you could ask... No doubt there's tons of mamas in there who would helpfully point you in the right direction!

And when you get a sling, don't get discouraged! It's really tricky to get the hang of, but man, once you do? It's a sanity-saver!


----------



## prettypixels (Apr 13, 2006)

Hi there, here are some resources for slingmaking:

http://www.mamatoto.org/Default.aspx?tabid=63

http://www.sleepingbaby.net/jan/Baby/

http://wordpress.com/tag/simple-pieces-of-cloth/

Really all you need to get started is a piece of cloth... maybe a sheet? Anything you have handy as long as it is sturdy.

It is so hard to hear conflicting advice from people, you are doing a great job!


----------



## KarmaJoy (Jan 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *benjamins mommy* 
Wow! Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to give me the wonderful advice that has come my way!! I'm deeply appreciative. From the day I read the first post, I've quit letting him cry for more than 30 seconds! I've just heard so much "you're going to spoil that baby if you keep picking him up" and I've also heard things like "it's called being spoiled" when I wonder why he cries every now and then and it seems like no reason. But, that's why I decided to post here and thankfully received plenty of "you're not spoiling him" replies! I hate having him cry so it took a lot out of me to do that to begin with. Alot of yall said that nursing on demand is a great thing to do, which I do, do! I'm a stay at home mom right now so it's great to get that bonding expierience with my baby boy. Also, I read alot about slings, I'd love to have a sling however I don't. I can't really afford one right now either, does anyone know where I can find a cheap but reliable, good one? Somone told me that people make them for a good price too, if anyone happens to know about that??? I appreciate all the articles that were posted for me also, I'm going to have to read into those. I never really knew how much a baby was developing as far as their trust, independence, and so forth, so I'm getting a great education on this, seriously. Once again, thank you to everyone. Keep em' comin too! I enjoy the responses because with each post I learn something new, and that's great to have being a first time and new mom!









I hope you both are happier for it!







:


----------



## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

What a wonderful update mama!!







Keeping following that mama's intuition that you were gifted with and you will do just fine and your baby will be better because of it.


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think you can get a sling for about $40 at a La Leche League meeting and they go up to 40 pounds or so, this is a really big price but depending on your childs size a sling or backpack can be a good investment. My dd wasn't that big until she was past four and she is still light enough for a backpack carrier, just to long for one though. I have heard that Wal-Mart also has some slings and front packs that are very reasonably priced. I really loved my front pack when dd was younger. Thrift stores also carry things like that sometimes and they can be really good quality if you look around a lot.


----------



## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Awesome, mama! Keep learning! Keep listening to your heart and your gut instinct!

You can get a sling at Buy Buy baby or Target, if you happen to have one close by - great way to use a gift card!

Check out thebabywearer.com (can be overwhelming, there's a LOT of info there!), and once you get more posts, you'll be able to see the Trading Post here (I think you need 50 posts first?) where people sell things to other MDC mamas. Also, etsy, ebay, and individual WAHMs with their own websites have slings for sale.

Oh, what a wonderful update!


----------



## justthinkn (Apr 11, 2008)

Know anyone who sews? They're really easy & cheap - like $10 -to make, you just have to order the rings on-line for a ring sling, which I'm sending you a link to the pattern... And someone else may know of a good pattern online to make a simply "pouch" style sling.

http://www.mayawrap.com/n_sewsling.php


----------



## Mommoo (Jun 26, 2008)

Yay mama!! It's lovely to hear that you are doing better and feeling more confident. I also encourage you to trust your motherly intuition.

I did a craigslist search for slings in your area and found a lot! I'm not sure what the posting rules are for such links, but if you go here http://houston.craigslist.org/bab/ and search for slings you should get a big list. Good luck!


----------



## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *benjamins mommy* 
Wow! Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to give me the wonderful advice that has come my way!! I'm deeply appreciative. From the day I read the first post, I've quit letting him cry for more than 30 seconds! I've just heard so much "you're going to spoil that baby if you keep picking him up" and I've also heard things like "it's called being spoiled" when I wonder why he cries every now and then and it seems like no reason. But, that's why I decided to post here and thankfully received plenty of "you're not spoiling him" replies! I hate having him cry so it took a lot out of me to do that to begin with. Alot of yall said that nursing on demand is a great thing to do, which I do, do! I'm a stay at home mom right now so it's great to get that bonding expierience with my baby boy. Also, I read alot about slings, I'd love to have a sling however I don't. I can't really afford one right now either, does anyone know where I can find a cheap but reliable, good one? Somone told me that people make them for a good price too, if anyone happens to know about that??? I appreciate all the articles that were posted for me also, I'm going to have to read into those. I never really knew how much a baby was developing as far as their trust, independence, and so forth, so I'm getting a great education on this, seriously. Once again, thank you to everyone. Keep em' comin too! I enjoy the responses because with each post I learn something new, and that's great to have being a first time and new mom!









Slinging - You can use a piece of fabric about 5 to 6 ft long and probably about 2 to 3 ft wide depending on your size and ds's size and how fast he is growing. You'll want to use something not stretchy. Try laying the fabric on the end of a bed lay back on it, lay baby where you want him, and tie the fabric so it goes under one arm and the knot is just to the front of the opposite shoulder. Once he is able to hold his head up you can put him on your back by doing the same, just lay him on the fabric and gently lean back, get it as snug as you can, bend over and tie it better. There are directions for making your own with rings at Maya Wraps, don't know exactly the web addy, but this was my favorite kind of sling(w/o rings) and is usually called a rebozo. I am so happy to hear that you are able to take our responses well and find comfort here! It is wonderful to feel connected to your baby. I kept hearing the same stuff and 'your gonna kill that baby' due to my co-sleeping. As long as you follow the safety guidelines ( no meds, alcohol, no headboard and no heavy blankets etc.) it's very safe and very good for baby. Nothing like just barely waking up to an 'uh' rolling a bit and feeling her latch on while we both drift back to sleep







Good job mama! Let us know how your 'advisors' are taking to your new support







We can help with that too.


----------



## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

I would definitely look at craigs list and freecycle.com. I bet you can find someone who has a sling for cheap (craigs list) or for free! (freecycle). Good luck!


----------



## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

Ben's Mama, my local AP group has a Baby Carrier Lending Library so mamas can try out slings and wraps before buying. I wonder if yours does too? You can search for a local chapter in your area at www.attachmentparenting.org or find some local mamas in your area in the mdc tribes section.


----------



## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Violet2* 
However, the facts back up the advice you are receiving in this case. You can also call your ped and ask them and they will agree with what you are hearing here.

Not mine. He thinks you should let babies cry. I'm glad I knew better than to listen to him.


----------



## MoonWillow (May 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Lilya* 
Not mine. He thinks you should let babies cry. I'm glad I knew better than to listen to him.









: More often than not, I hear of peds _recommending_ CIO. I fired our first one for just that. My SIL thinks she "created a monster" by not taking the advice of hers and letting her ds CIO. And I've seen countless posts around here about peds saying that they should let baby's cry. It's become a major pet peeve well, peds in general but specifically that topic.

benjamins mommy keep up the good work!


----------



## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Hey mama,

Ten years ago, I could have written your post. My firstborn son was a bit of a handful, easily frustrated, permanently hungry, and he screamed. Then he screamed and he screamed and screamed some more, regardless of what I did to comfort him. It was hell. Now, of course, he's a very bright, active, intelligent articulate young man who can eat a pound of apples and half a pound of cheese in a sitting and still be hungry.
The most important thing for me, and the point that nobody here has yet picked up on, is that you need to be feeling happy and healthy in yourself to be the best possible mother you can be, and you need to feel confident in your own judgement. That can be a really hard lesson to learn, whether you're 21 or 41- but you can do this and raise a beautiful, healthy, pleasant boy who grows up to be a fine upstanding man. Equally, though, you need to feel confident in your family that you can all work together to raise your son and nobody is going to make anyone else feel bad.
Are you getting time for yourself to unwind?


----------



## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Lilya* 
Not mine. He thinks you should let babies cry. I'm glad I knew better than to listen to him.

CIO is a bedtime thing, no? Not a tummy time thing. The OP was letting her DC cry for tummy time. At that age and for that activity I'm not aware of any literature that would suggest CIO would be appropriate. I doubt a ped would support it as well although they may advocate CIO for sleep.

V


----------



## LauraN (May 18, 2004)

I just want to say you're a wonderful mama!







:

I remember back when my first was a newborn, I was so stressed out b/c I had all these voices around me telling me how things "should" be but knowing in my heart that they wouldn't be that way. I am so grateful that my husband just went along with whatever I wanted, sometimes pushing me in the right direction.

You have a long, amazing journey ahead of you. I'm so glad you've started it out by listening to your heart and listening to your baby when he tells you what he needs.

Big hugs to you.


----------



## tynme (May 28, 2006)

I am also a young mama, and I remember when people told me I was spoiling my DS by tending to his NEEDS instead of letting him cry, and it would make me so mad! I would tell them: Spoiling a child is giving in to them and letting them have that candy bar at the grocery store after they've screamed and stomped their feet for five minutes for the darn thing, NOT picking up my infant child when he is upset!! Also, as far as slings, I have tried everything from Didymos (a wrap avereging around $100) to a simple two yards of fabric tied like a sash with the knot at my hip, and you know what I grab the most?? My 2 dollar fabric! Go with your instincts, and welcome to MDC!!


----------

