# How do you deal with hearing their name?



## KYCat (May 19, 2004)

Our son's name is Finnegan Albert, and we call him Finn. Since it's not common, I don't hear his name out, but I hadn't realized that. Then last week I started watching Gilmore Girls, (I've missed a couple seasons), and there's a side character named Finn. I'm not sure if I can keep watching the show. Have any of you chosen names that you do hear around town and if so, how do you deal with it?







to all.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

s Cathy







s

For the first couple weeks I didn't want to hear her name at all. If I talked about her I would use "her" or "the baby." It was too painful to say "Reagan" out loud. In fact, I got upset w/the bereavement nurse in the hospital for using her name.







That is not my personality at all, but it was almost like the name was all ours and held such a different meaning than it was intended to.

Reagan is not a common name around here and so the only way I hear her name is if we say it or someone who knows us says it. It's comforting to hear her name now, but it's been 5 weeks today and I get a little, tiny bit stronger each day.







s


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I love to hear my daughters name. I LOVED her name. I use it all the time & it warms my heart to hear others use it.

But I get what you both are saying. It can have a stinging effect too. Peace to you Mamas.


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## rn (Jul 27, 2003)

I also go both ways, but for the most part find comfort in his name. I love saying it, hearing it and reading it.

Oh and btw. I LOVE the name Finnegan Albert.


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## KYCat (May 19, 2004)

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I should clarify though -- I love to say and hear his name when we are talking about our Finn. It was just unnerving to be watching tv and folding clothes and then hear his name without the proper appreciation for my little Finn. From that moment I was no longer thinking about the show, but my baby and my loss, when I was having a reprieve from thinking about my life. Does this make sense? I'm not sure how I would/will react if I hear his name at the grocery or on the playground.
Peace to all.

Thanks rn - we love the name,too.


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## rn (Jul 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KYCat*
From that moment I was no longer thinking about the show, but my baby and my loss, when I was having a reprieve from thinking about my life. Does this make sense? I'm not sure how I would/will react if I hear his name at the grocery or on the playground.

Yes, I know what you mean, and I have now read it in books while reading to my dd (unexpectedly), heard his name at parks, an on t.v (I forgot until recently about the character Freddie on scoobie doo).

It does change everything though, I dont think of scoobie doo anymore w/out thinking of my son. But that is okay.

I see where it can even be more unexpected and a shock for you though Finn is pretty uncommon to hear.

its all so hard isnt it?


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## ladybugchild77 (Jun 18, 2004)

I was "certain" we were having a girl with the second baby I miscarried so we named her Alexandra. It took some time for me to not cry when I would hear a girl called "Alex" in the grocery store, etc...but until I was ready it stung like nothing else. Sorry about your loss, Mama. I promise it will get better each day. Be kind to yourself.


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## ediesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

Its been 14 years since my daughter Zoe was born still. I still have a reaction everytime I hear her name. A sense of loss, I think it is. 14 years ago the name was not popular, it is now. Edie has 2 close friends named Zoe. It doesn't go away, you just come up with internal plans on how to deal with it (does that make sense)


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## wheezie (Sep 18, 2004)

It's been 2 years almost since Ryan died, and I still pause everytime I hear someone else say his name, especially if they are talking to their child named Ryan.







It's hard to hear, for me anyway.


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## shimmer (Mar 17, 2003)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Finnegan. (That was one of my favorite boy names but doesn't fit at all with our last name.)

I totally know what you mean! Our lost daughter is Livia. Not Olivia, which is quite common around here. But lots of moms call their Olivias by Livia or Liv (what we call Livia as well). It is very hard for me to hear them using "our" name, especially when they've just shortened their daughter's name. I feel like it should be sacred, just for us alone. I know that is a bit crazy; their daughters are as precious as mine, but grief is a strange thing.


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