# loss at 20 weeks....



## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

I just labored and delivered my baby at 20 weeks in my pregnancy. This very ironically is my only vaginal birth ( 2 babes before are csection deliveries). I still feel raw and just don't know what to expect as far as emotionally in the future and would really appreciate some insights from any mommas that have btdt. I feel like everything is upside down and now all of our plans for our family is destroyed. Will I ever feel normal? Thank you.....


----------



## blaqpearl (Nov 16, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss.









I am not sure what btdt is but the hurt will never go away. I still miss my baby girl deeply. I lost her at 21 weeks. Time does make it easier. Cry...embrace the sorrow and slowly it will get better.


----------



## dmarieb (Dec 9, 2006)

Heather, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.








I have a friend who lost her daughter at 28 weeks - and another friend who lost her son at 41 weeks. It is a slow process. Give yourself lots of time and surround yourself with people who will support you through this.


----------



## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

So sorry, mama.

I know the women here will have much support to offer you, and we are always listening.


----------



## Kristine233 (Jul 15, 2003)

Big hugs hun. I haven't experienced this but want you to know you have a lot of people thinking about you and I'm really sorry about your loss. I'm sure the little one will be watching over Parker and Carlee too.


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

s I am so sorry you lost your sweet baby. I lost my baby girl at 22 weeks three years ago. Normal is a hard word. I am not the same as I was before Arawyn. But we have found a new normal in our lives. I still miss her every day. I think about her and wonder what she would look like, how she would act, what she would do and say. I want more than anything to feel her in my arms, and I ache to hold her again. But I am not as sad as I was in those first weeks and months. I am not numb any more. I have found ways to make her a part of our lives and to move foward. I don't think you ever really move on, but you can move forward with your child's memory. I've even had another baby. I would say these days I have more happy times than sad. I can even think about Arawyn and think of the good memories. But it is never going to be the same. Our family will always be short one member. I could have 10 more kids and I would always feel like one child was missing, because she is. That is our new normal. In the begining it is so hard, everything is so raw and fresh. Be gentle with yourself and take time to greive. Don't let anyone tell you you need to get over it and move on. Share as much or as little as you need to. I am sooo very sorry.


----------



## Leddie (Nov 22, 2002)

Heather,

I'm so very sorry about your loss and my heart aches for you and your family. This board is an amazing source of support and help and I hope it will assist you.

As you know, losing a baby is so amazingly painful and beyond words. As others have said, it gets easier with time. I have lost a baby as well and at the time felt like I could never go on.....it's still painful but managable.

*hugs* mama.


----------



## Alohamelly (Jul 1, 2005)

I am so sorry.


----------



## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

i am so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## Mindi22 (Jun 28, 2005)

Heather, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Shannon, your words are achingly beautiful, I'm so sorry for your loss as well!


----------



## Frankiesmom (Nov 26, 2006)

Heather, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son, Frankie, at 33 weeks back in October and it has been very difficult. I miss him every day and think of him all the time. I don't know that you ever "get over" losing a child. I think you just learn to live with it. Please allow yourself time to grieve. There are many mamas here that have btdt and have been very helpful in my grieving.

I'm so sorry


----------



## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Zephaniah at 18 weeks. It was very hard, but I have survived. I think that is the best that I could do, just to survive. I still miss him, and I still have my moments of sadness. But they have been overshadowed by life and other losses. So as time goes by I can talk about him without crying.


----------



## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

I've *only* ever had early MCs so I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I'm so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## khaoskat (May 11, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss, and I know that no words can comfort you. I also know that right now you wont believe anything anyone says because of how you are feeling, even if the person has btdt. But that is all part of the grieving process.

There are 5 stages to death and dying and each person moves through each stage at their own pace. Some people will move through all 5 quickly and it doesn't mean that they didn't grieve, it just means that they were able to process their feelings, emotions and grief. And just because someone moves through them very slow doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with that person, they just need a little bit more time to deal with their feelings, emotions and grief.

As a person who has BTDT after an unexpected full term stillbirth I can say that it does get easier with time. I don't remember much about the first two months after birth. There was a lot of anger, sorry, sadness, family problems both between hubby and I and our extended families.

It has now been a little over 4 months and I am feeling much better emotionally and physically. I remember my daughter on a daily basis, I pray that she is doing well wherever she may be. I always carry a picture of her around with me. There are times when I think of her that I cry or get sad. But there are times I have started to look back at my pregnancy and remember the good times and the good memories I have of my daughter.


----------



## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

I lost a baby back in August at 19 weeks and know just how you feel. I felt so numb the first couple of weeks and it took a good month for it to hit me that I wasn't going to have my baby. The most important thing I think is to let yourself grieve. I had to labor with my baby too, this was my only birth after 2 csection too. The only thing that really "cured" me was getting pregnant again, but even now I am still sad for the baby I lost and am having a hard time enjoying this pregnancy because I am so darn worried that something will go wrong. Just take it easy on yourself. You've been through alot.


----------



## Leddie (Nov 22, 2002)

Heather,

I've been thinking about you - I hope you're doing ok.


----------



## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I lost a baby last summer at 20 weeks gestation. It was a very hard time for me as well. After the first couple of weeks, I was able to go through the motions and it did feel like my life was coming back together in some respects. I will admit that I continued to grieve for a long time. For several months, it was hard for me to be around my friends who were pregnant. My grief has come in waves. As time has gone by, it HAS gotten easier, and I've thought about my loss less frequently than I did at first. Although I do occasionally still feel sad about my loss, it's not the all-consuming grief that I felt at first.

I was quite suprised at how I felt better, like I was moving on, and then suddenly I'd be hit by another wave of grief. I expected my grief to go away steadily, but instead it comes and goes at unexpected times. Allowing myself to own my feelings, rather than sweep it under the rug has been very helpful for me.

It will get easier, but no one's grief follows the same pattern.

Love and light to you.


----------



## brookesmommy (May 2, 2006)

I'm so sorry mama!


----------



## wtchyhlr (Oct 15, 2002)

Oh Heather, I'm so sorry.


----------



## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Heather, I'm sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family during this time. Sending you love.


----------

