# Ectopic pregnancy - needing support



## wantads (Apr 1, 2006)

I am recovering from an ectopic pregnancy that I had surgery for last week. This would have been my third baby. I'm devastated. I need some understanding as to why this happened. I had a little one that was weaning at the time. I was 6 weeks along when it was discovered. The doc told me that sometimes when you're nursing the cilia inside your tubes slow down from the hormones and that 's what could have caused the egg to get caught up and not implant in the uterus. I feel like a life was given to me and taken away, and I can't breathe at that thought. The doc says that I can still have more children, really can I? What are my chances now? Has anyone been through this? How did you deal with the loss? I feel like people are saying to me that I'm lucky I have my life and in some ways I should leave it at that. It infuriates me. I want my baby back!! Forget my life, I'd give my life for any one of my babies. I need some support, advice, etc. Am I crazy for now wanting to be pregnant more that anything in the world. I want to believe that if I do conceive again thta same little soul will come back to me. Is that crazy? I know I need some time to heal, but I want my baby back. With only one tube do I ovulate every other month now? How long will it take me to get a period back? Why, why, why would somthing like this happen? I am so angry . . .


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I'm so sorry. No, you are not crazy. I don't know much about ectopic pregnancies, but I would look into that nursing claim. That sounds - off - to me, but like I said, I don't know that much.

Of course you want your baby back. I do, too. I think that you'll find you're not alone with that on this board. I do know that many women have had ectopic pregnancies and then gone on to have a healthy baby, so it is possible. I am so sorry that you had to go through this, and that you lost your precious baby.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I also don't know much about ectopic pregnancy. And I do not think you are crazy, just sad. I am so sorry you are going through this.


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## ~Mamaterra~ (Jul 5, 2006)

Mama, please feel free to pm me any questions that you have about ectopic pregnancy.

First off, you doctor way off suggesting that nursing had anything to do with the ectopic pregnancy. There is no evidence and I suspect that he was just trying to give you something to hook your mind around. Try going to www.ectopic.org.uk for some real answers on ectopic pregnancies.

I had a ruptured ectopic at 8 weeks 5 days, bled internally for three day and lost my left fallopian tube and nearly my life in September. I wrote about the loss of my little Andrew shortly after....

_My grief of this loss is like sorting laundry&#8230;.there is this huge pile and I'm not sure what piles to make and what goes in which pile. There is the grief of the loss, the physical recovery of the three incisions, the physical recovery of the bruised organs and tissue because of the internal bleeding, the loss of one of my fallopian tubes, the loss of my reproductive potential with my diminishing reproductive years, the drug stuper I continue to operate in because of necessity, the intense fatigue I feel because of the recovery from major surgery_

I did get pregnant immediately after the ectopic, I was shocked because really what were the odds being 37 with one fallopian tube and I considered her our miracle baby. Unfortunately, we lost her in December.

Ovulation is split up 50-50 between the ovaries, yes, but not equally one month one side, one month the other side. You can ovulate a couple months at a time on one side and then take a break from that side and ovulate on the other.

I am now pregnant for the 5th time within the span of a year and I am at 10 weeks. Everything is going great this time, I had a confirmatory u/s at 4 1/2 weeks to make sure that the pregnancy was intrauterine (something that will have to be done immediately as soon as you get pg) and then another at 8 weeks and baby was measuring right on for the dates. I have another u/s in two days to ensure viability and then I am good to go.

Have faith mama, it can happen again.....


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## juneau (May 20, 2005)

*Wantads*, I just wanted to let you know that I am an ectopic survivor and newly pregnant (I am also 44). I lost my right tube to an ectopic in August. I waited three months to TTC and then it took six months after that to get pregnant.

But I know, because I had an u/s right at ovulation, that I ovulated on my right -- tubeless -- side this month AND I GOT PREGNANT. I know that an ectopic feels extra devastating because of the perceived loss of fertility, but if I can get pregnant at 44 with one tube while ovulating on my tubeless side, then there's hope for everyone!

BTW, I think your doctor is way off base in suggesting that nursing had _anything_ to do with your ectopic pregnancy.


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## wantads (Apr 1, 2006)

juneau - Thank you so much for responding, I love hearing your success story because it's so good to hold on to any hope that I can. I'm sorry for your loss.

THank you mama,
Michele


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## meredyth0315 (Aug 16, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss mama







I went through an ectopic last July/ August and it was so heartbreaking. I was nursing at the time and that was the reason I got for it, but I don't really believe that. I was fortunate - dare I use the word - to have caught it before it ruptured. I opted for a MTX injection instead of the invasive procedures. The hardest part was I had to pick up the drug myself and it was, ughh awful to say the very least, it felt like I was carrying out a death sentence. MTX depletes all folic acid, so we had to wait 3 months before TTC. The absolute worst part was I had to wean DS3 cold turkey and that was as awful as having to get that script. So here I am losing one baby and putting another through hell. I had people tell me it wasn't a real baby - well I had some choice words for them. But the hurt I can't forget. I lost my baby, not cells but my baby and I still grieve for him/her. You are absolutely not crazy for wanting to be pg again. I became obsessed with getting pg - it took everything to wait those 3 months. I started temping & charting as I have PCOS/ irregular cycles as well. I had an anovulatory cycle the first time AF came back, so that was discouraging as it was almost 60 days. But there is a happy end to this sad story.....

It took 5 months after the MTX, but I'm currently 25 1/2 wks pg with a darling little boy who is healthy and I am so beyond grateful, it's just unreal. You can get pg again - even with one tube - it can and will happen again for you. Take the time to grieve and sort out feelings; and know you aren't alone. If you ever need to vent or anything, please PM me. Be gentle with yourself and sending you lots of healing & hugs


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

I went on to have three children after mine, with no problems at all conceiving.

I'm sorry for your loss


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## wantads (Apr 1, 2006)

Meredyth and Amy,
Thank you so much for sharing your stories with me and your kind words of encouragement. Since only a couple of mamas responded I was beginning to think I was pretty alone in this situation. I'm very sorry for your losses too. It's all just so heartbreaking and unfair. I'm trying to sort out my feelings and anger but I just don't know how. DH is very supportive but still doesn't get it. I would give my life for any one of my babies, but I never thought one of my babies would have to give their life so that I could have mine. I'm really struggling with that. This poor little soul never had a chance b/c my body failed . . .

I'm struggling with my loss of fertility on some level. I don't know now what my chances of conceiving are now that I only have one tube. It's so wonderful to hear other woman who have had success. I have a follow up with my doctor this week and I have so many questions but at the same time I'm so angry with her. For her to suggest my breastfeeding was the cause seems so out of line to me. Also, I feel like she made no attempt to even save my tube. She was taking it out no matter what. I remember her saying several times, "you can still have more babies." She didn't get it though, she didn't acknowledge the one she was about to cut out of me as being a baby. The only thing I could choke out was "what about this one???? What about this one????" And her awful response was, "this isn't a viable pregnancy." But this is my baby . . . everything just happened so fast in my situation, I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and had about 4 minutes to absord anything before I was put under. I'm so heartbroken, angry, confused, lonely, etc. I'm still struggling with this even being a reality. The only real part is when I touch my belly and feel the cuts from my surgery.

Meredyth - I have had people act like it wasn't a baby to me either. Or even that I may be a bit overreacting at this loss. I hate them, I hate them so much. How could they???

I know I sound crazy, I am though. I'm crazy mad, I'm crazy sad, I'm crazy heartbroken, I'm crazy all around right now.


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## MamaSong (May 1, 2006)

Another success story - I am currently 9 weeks pregnant after an ectopic last April. I know that the baby is in my uterus this time because I just had an ultrasound.

I don't believe that your body failed - perhaps the pregnancy was abnormal to begin with and that's why it didn't make it all the way up your tube? I also don't believe that nursing has anything to do with it. If it is such a risk factor - then why do women get ectopics who don't nurse? I just don't buy it.

You are still experiencing the loss of pregnancy hormones and recovering from surgery - so please be gentle with yourself mama. For me, the feelings of shock and grief did change and morph over time. I feel much more at peace about the whole thing now. And, I believe that the spirit baby of my ectopic pregnancy just wan't ready to be born yet - for whatever reason that may or may not have had anything to do with me - and now he is ready and is back again. That belief has brought me a lot of peace.

I do remeber feeling like I got hit with a truck after my surgery. I just felt weird and numb - and I kept asking myself, "what just happened to me?" It was a very traumatic experience. I don't think that medical professionals handle ectopic pregnancies very well - from an emotional/spiritual point of view. I know that I have to rebuild confidence in my body angain, and that will take time, but I also can tell that it is already happening. Slowly.

I hope you find peace and strength. Sending a huge hug.


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## wantads (Apr 1, 2006)

MamaSong,
Wow, you really captured many of my thoughts. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you went through. I agree, the medical professionals don't seem to handle ectopic pregnancies very well at all. I am still asking myself, "what just happened to me," just like you said. It's very traumatic, any loss is traumatic, but couple that with the possibility of losing your life and it's just a numbing thing. I was wondering if I could ask you if you also lost a tube?

I am happy to hear you are on your way to making peace. The thing you said that really touches me is that you believe the spirit of your ectopic pregnancy is back and now ready to be born. I believe that and I pray for that. I am hopeful God will bless me with that same little soul again. I am hopeful . . .

I have my follow up today with my doctor. I have so many questions . . hoping to get some answers but already anticipating that I won't. Many thanks for your support mamas, I have needed this special place . . .
Michele


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## MamaSong (May 1, 2006)

Wantads, just wondering how you are feeling? Any better? Any different?


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## meredyth0315 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi Michele - I was thinking of you, too, hoping you're doing good


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## fuel1316 (May 22, 2008)

im sorry for your life.







i dodnt have an eptopic and i lost my fisrt baby so i dont know much about it. my friend had an eptopic before she knew she was pregnant, went to the hospital and they helped her through it. she didnt lose a tube i dont think but i know for a fact she got pregnant before her AF (concieved about 3 weeks after m/c) and now she has a 7mo. baby girl.


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