# AP = lazy parenting



## scrabblelover (May 13, 2005)

I'm sure a bunch of you came here to give me a piece of your mind, lol, had to get your attention though!

DH and i were talking about how we thinking our parenting (AP) should actually be called Lazy Parenting, because that's what it feels like sometimes it is so easy.

BF - always ready, always warm, always with us. no cleaning, pouring, mixing, sterilizing. No worrying about getting everything together when traveling. Roll over in the middle of the night instead of getting up and fixing a bottle, which by the time you do the baby must be screaming because they had to wait.

Slings - Thank God something to save my back and arms! I couldn't live without one! grocery shopping, house cleaning, anything is so easy with dd strapped on me. I don't know how other people get anything done.

Co-sleeping - I roll over in the middle of the night, she latches on & i sleep. The other option of her being in another room and having to leave my bed to care for her? Why would you chose to do this? Get out of your warm bed & go sit in a hard chair to nurse? How do you live without them beside you?

No CIO - picking her up, calming her and making everything okay. Versus letting her cry? how do people do that? It would break my heart and make me a nervous wreck.

Offering finger food instead of baby food - here's a steamed broccoli, have fun. Versus buying or making food and spoon feeding? i'm too lazy for that!

Any one else had these thoughts?

Now i'm not saying dd is perfect. But i am saying i think we've chose the best way to raiser her, which also happens to be the easiest for all of us!


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## saraann (Dec 1, 2006)

I agree with you and have often thought the same.


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## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

aye!


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

Most definitely!


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## blastomom (Jun 11, 2004)

Yup, I am SOOOOOOO lazy!







Can't imagine having to deal with formula, bottles, etc.


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## Rhannie (Mar 16, 2006)

Well yeah, isn't that why everyone does it? Add in EC--no wet or dirty diapers to change . . . .
Rhannie


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## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

I feel this way a lot. I watch this girl I know fixing bottles, and it just looks like so much work! My way is much easier.








She also never gets any sleep because she is up and down from her room to baby's room all night. Bleh. I like my sleep too much.
And really, even cloth is easier to me than sposies, because I am always washing clothes anyway, what's one more load? A whole lot easier than running to the store just to get dipes every few days.


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## Sap (Feb 12, 2007)

Ug. I do bottle feed and anyone who says it's easier is on crack.

I totally agree, especially with the sleep ones. Really, if she's up crying for a half hour, that means I'm awake for at least that long. Why not just snuggle her for 5 minutes so she goes to sleep?


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## NewAtThis (Jan 9, 2006)

And not to mention saving $$ on contraptions meant to contain the baby...we are clutter free and loving it!


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Honestly, I don't find AP easy at all. Bfing was horrifically painful and difficult for me for 8+ weeks (crying through most feedings) and will always be uncomfortable due to an underlying medical condition. B/c of our nursing issues, when dd wakes to eat in the night, I have to sit up, turn on a low light (or go to the living room where there's a window), and make sure she's latched properly. 3, 4, 5 times a night. It's incredibly difficult for me to fall asleep after this. I would never "sleep train" her, so it means that I usually only get a few hours of sleep a night and I'm usually exhausted.

In addition to our nursing problems, dd would never take a bottle and she still doesn't eat solids (which of course we're not pushing!), so there's never any break for me. Now that she has teeth, they are incredibly irritating and often painful (she's not biting--it's just that my breasts are especially sensitive).

I babywear, but dd has never tolerated being worn indoors, so it's often impossible to get anything done when she's not napping--I'm not going to just park her in a bouncy seat like most of my mainstream friends do. As it is, dd has never been much of a napper, so I don't get a whole lot of time to relax, cook, or do other chores during the day. We've been through every carrrier in the book, and we can't find anything that doesn't hurt my back now that dd is bigger (we do use a stroller as well now, but sometimes dd refuses it and, if I need to get her somewhere, the choice is babywearing or nothing--b/c of course I'm not going to let her cry in a stroller).

When dh is home, dd loves to interact with him, but only if I'm right there. She will not let me out of her sight to pee, shower, anything.

I AP because I believe in it and I believe it's best for dd. She's a wonderful, happy, attached little girl. But I do not find it easy AT ALL. I look at my friends who mainstream parent--their dh's and MILs and mothers can feed and watch their babies, they get breaks, they get sleep, they have time to do things they need to do, their children sit in swings or exersaucers for long stretches of time, they use nannies or day cares. When their children are sick or teething, they just dose 'em up with tylenol or whatever and everyone sleeps through the night. Often, I think this type of parenting is at the expense of their children, but, from where I'm sitting, mainstream parenting looks pretty darn easy.

There are many reasons why we won't be having another child, but one of the reasons is that we feel absolutely certain that we could NOT do this again (and dd is a pretty easy-going baby) and we aren't comfortable doing the things that would make it easier for us.


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## rootzdawta (May 22, 2005)

Sorry . . . can't agree. Being an AP is doubly hard than just going with the mainstream flow especially when you have little to no support. I love nursing my ds but it takes a lot out of me. I love co-sleeping but I want my bed back. I would love to keep ds in a sling, but he's heavy and it hurts. All the other "crunchy" things I do, as far as I can see, make my life more difficult but I do it because I believe that's how it should be done. And I wish society would support my choices more but . . . whatever. No, it's not about being lazy. It's about being very ready to think critically and thoroughly and to be brave enough to go it alone.


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

I'm similar to the prev. poster.... maybe it's that my child is spirited, but it always seems like every choice I make for him, because I believe it is right, is the more difficult and involved choice, the one that take more time, effort and energy away from me, from DH and from the marital relationship...I feel like I am not even human, I am a babycaretaking machine that is falling apart and deteriorating very rapidly in every way until one day when the baby (babies..I'm due in may) is big enough I will have time and energy to take care of myself again. I don't regret what I am doing and neither does DH becuase it is best for our son, but sometimes it would be nice if it was a little easier.


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## njbeachgirl (Oct 8, 2006)

Can I print this for anyone who says my parenting style is "weird"?









eta: I do have to agree with the posters who say it's harder though in some ways. When I feel that way I too remind myself that I'm doing the best thing for dd.


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## cjuniverse (Sep 22, 2005)

Yes and no.

Nursing is easier in the sense that there's no preparation involved, but harder because it's something ONLY mami can do, and as it's often associated with comfort as well as nutrition, that's double and triple duty for mamis. Which in the case of high needs babies especially, is a 24/7 job. Which not all mamis are especially equipped or up for.

Slinging can make things easier when the baby and sling and fit and back and practicality all agree with each other, which sometimes they just don't. I've yet to find a carrier that either a) doesn't hurt my back/shoulders b) my son is agreeable to spending a significant amount of time in INDOORS, where I need it the most c) doesn't require more time and effort to use than simply carrying him in my arms. That said, I love my wrap/backpack for long walks.

Co-sleeping can be wonderful, can help with nursing, etc provided the sleeping space can comfortably accommodate everyone involved. Provided no one continually wakes up the baby with their movements or vice versa. Provided no one is a 'territorial sleeper' who may actually hurt baby in their sleep and not realize it. Provided baby does not constantly thrash about and wake himself up because he touched someone else in the bed which for some reason wakes him up. Provided co-sleeping actually leads to _better/more sleep for all_. Is it obvious that my son now sleeps on a mattress adjacent to ours, and why?

CIO bad. Suicidal/homicidal caretaker worse. Sometimes a choice has to be made (I am not advocating CIO, I have never let my son cry and I never will, I am saying that a crying baby is better than a dead or injured one, and that it is better to seek help/offer help than to guilt-trip overwhelmed/struggling parents).

I have no real opinion on spoon feeding, so long as it takes place after 6+ months and only when baby seems interested. I have done and do spoon feeding and finger feeding. Neither seems particularly easier than the other (after all, I still have to clean up...in that respect, spoon feeding would seem easier as there'd be less messy mouth-missingness).

Anyway, I know where you're coming from, and kind of agree. However, I see and have experienced the opposite as well.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Oh, wanted to add. While CIO would emotionally devastating for me, I don't think it's "hard" in the practical sense. The parents I know who do it say it takes only a few days, they just wear earplugs or ignore the crying, and then everyone's sleeping through the night from then on.









I find it repugnant, but I certainly think that from a mechanical perspective it is far "easier" than spending 2-3 years of your life getting up and comforting your baby many times a night, occasionally all night.

Given that CIO works against every parenting instinct in a mama's body, I'm sure people wouldn't keep doing it if they didn't find it easier than night-parenting.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I'm a lazy parent.

I breastfeed because I'm lazy. It's very, very easy to me. Bottles nad nipples and smelly formula and having to get up and make bottles in the night and trying to remember to bring enough along for every outing--yuck. That doesn't appeal to me.

I cloth diaper cause I'm lazy. You wash 2 extra loads a week, but you never have to remember to go to the store, you never run out, you're never caught off guard (we use fuzzi bunz, with prefolds as the backup for when all the FB are dirty







) CD is infinitely easier to me.

I don't CIO cause I couldn't handle it. Even if everyone around me says it is "good for the baby." Um, yeah, even if I agreed (which I don't), what about the mama? I couldn't do it.

We don't cosleep, but I only get up 2 or 3 times a night, and he's only up 10 minutes or so at a time. Not a big deal.

Slings--yep. Lazy. Cause, my baby wakes up the minute he's out of the carseat (even when it was the bucket coming out of the car), unless he's in the sling. So, if I go anywhere and want peace, I just pop him in the sling, and he'll snuggle back to sleep.

I don't even consider myself AP. We just do what works, I'm naturally lazy, and there you go.


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scrabblelover* 
I'm sure a bunch of you came here to give me a piece of your mind, lol, had to get your attention though!

DH and i were talking about how we thinking our parenting (AP) should actually be called Lazy Parenting, because that's what it feels like sometimes it is so easy.

Yes and no.









Quote:

BF - always ready, always warm, always with us. no cleaning, pouring, mixing, sterilizing. No worrying about getting everything together when traveling. Roll over in the middle of the night instead of getting up and fixing a bottle, which by the time you do the baby must be screaming because they had to wait.
Well, sort of. I work and dh is a SAHD. So constant pumping (still going w/dd 13 mos old), worrying about supply, and we still have to do bottles. Dd is working on the whole "cup" thing but usually just knocks it over or dumps it on herself, and that's not an acceptable use of that precious breastmilk. Also, the first 2-3 months of BF were really difficult for both me and dd - painful for me, both physically and emotionally, and I'm not even sure what it was that made it difficult for her. The LC couldn't figure it out either.

Quote:

Slings - Thank God something to save my back and arms! I couldn't live without one! grocery shopping, house cleaning, anything is so easy with dd strapped on me. I don't know how other people get anything done.
Dd HATED every sling I tried to make/was given/put her in until the last few months. I have one I sort of fudged out of a sheet b/c we can't afford to buy one right now. She likes it, but it doesn't totally work. I'm hoping the next baby likes the/a sling better. She did like the bjorn, but only for pretty brief periods of time and only sometimes.

Quote:

Co-sleeping - I roll over in the middle of the night, she latches on & i sleep. The other option of her being in another room and having to leave my bed to care for her? Why would you chose to do this? Get out of your warm bed & go sit in a hard chair to nurse? How do you live without them beside you?
I wish. I'm a light sleeper, and when I sleep w/dd, I'm up all night. Then I have to get up at 5 a.m., commute, work for 10-12 hours, and then come home again. I need some sleep, too. We did co-sleep when she was a newborn, and that was a godsend. After that, she slept with dh (who snores like a freight train) or in her crib with him on the bed in her room and just came in for nocturnal nursing visits. Not ideal, but I wasn't sleeping at all with the co-sleeping.

Quote:

No CIO - picking her up, calming her and making everything okay. Versus letting her cry? how do people do that? It would break my heart and make me a nervous wreck.
ITA. I do not understand how anyone can allow a baby to cry if you can make it better. I had an episode with this recently - there were too many people around at MIL's house, dd got scared and started crying. She was really frightened. So I took her into the kitchen. MIL's boyfriend asked why we weren't with everyone else, and when I told him, he sneered, "You know, sometimes, babies cry."







: Yeah, all I had to do was walk 15 ft into another room, but what I really should have done was let my 10/11 mo baby cry in terror at all the strangers poking her and sticking their faces in her face.







:

Quote:

Offering finger food instead of baby food - here's a steamed broccoli, have fun. Versus buying or making food and spoon feeding? i'm too lazy for that!
Absolutely. Except we did spoon feed a bit and do some blending when she was choking a lot in the early days of solid food.

Quote:

Any one else had these thoughts?
Yep!









Quote:

Now i'm not saying dd is perfect. But i am saying i think we've chose the best way to raiser her, which also happens to be the easiest for all of us!
I agree. I can only imagine doing things another way would be much harder. Yes, parenting is still hard work and not everything works to keep your baby happy. However, because AP is all about listening to your child's needs and responding, I've found it to be a much easier way of doing things. Plus, all I have to do is go with my gut/instinct. If I think she needs something, or we should do something, we do it - and it usually works. There's no "but we have to have a set naptime/bedtime/feeding schedule" that interferes with the flow of our lives. Dd is just an organic part of everything else we do, and it's wonderful that way.

People warned us so much about how having a child would completely change (i.e. ruin) our lives. Instead, she just completely fits into our lives, like she was always there. It was smooth running from the very beginning (despite the usual colic, etc.). The hardest part of all was when I had to go back to work - I had a hard time emotionally with that. Otherwise, it's been simply wonderful.









Julia
dd 1 year old


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

I definitely agree that it is easier in all the tangible ways you mention. For me, the way that it is harder, is that when you are trying to be self-aware and conscious of what you are doing and why all the time, it takes a lot more concentration and energy than just doing whatever because "that's what you do" and going on automatic. But of course it is a lot more satisfying as well.

On the other hand, when you take the time and effort to really read your child's cues, not only is that obviously better for the child, it probably takes less effort in the long run than dealing with problems that result from not being tuned in.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Moving to parenting issues


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Romana9+2* 
People warned us so much about how having a child would completely change (i.e. ruin) our lives. Instead, she just completely fits into our lives, like she was always there. It was smooth running from the very beginning (despite the usual colic, etc.). The hardest part of all was when I had to go back to work - I had a hard time emotionally with that. Otherwise, it's been simply wonderful.










TOTALLY. DS is 8 mo. old now and at a gathering the other day, a friend said "So, how is everything going...the worst is over now, huh?"
I just said "Well, we really didn't have a 'worst'--we have loved every minute of it." I wish people didn't have such a negative view of and such a hard time dealing with the first months. It gives kids a bad name! And I wish all parents could experience it as a wonderful time, despite not being easy.


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

I always tell people I'm too lazy to bottle feed, 'cause I AM.







We had to supplement in the beginning due to extreme problems, and it was a PITA!! I was sooooooooooo happy to be able to "just" nurse, no mixing, no dating, no sterilizing...none of that crap.

When I taught my bf how to use a sling, she said I was trying to "make her a granola" (good-naturedly), and I told her slings were all about being lazy, nothing about granola.







Dude, I'm too lazy to use a stroller a lot of the time. I'm too lazy to carry my 34 lb. toddler in just my arms.







My sling is my 3rd arm.

We don't cosleep except on vacation (ds can't sleep in strange places alone), and it is sooooooooooo easy to get him down when we do cosleep. Oh man, totally easy.







No rocking, no music, just put him in bed and snuggle up and he's snoring in 10 minutes. Ahhh.


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## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


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## Amris (Feb 27, 2006)

You are fortunate to be so blesssed. AP parenting is work for me.

My little one doesn't WANT to sleep with us (read: won't). I cringed in pure visceral terror for the first 3 months of breastfeeding every single time I prepared to put her to breast. I had caesarean, so babywearing... well, wears me out rapidly. Extremely rapidly.

How I wish I were so blessed that nursing felt wonderful, baby would sleep with us, and I could babywear every minute of the day.

However, I am deeply blessed and fortunate that my little one sleeps through the night now, about 11 hours straight.

I think I'd have a totally different view of it all if nursing weren't such a miserable, painful affair for me for 12 long and excruciating weeks. It's a terrible feeling to hear your baby cry for food, and join right in, doing everything you can to keep from feeling like it's a monster about to attack you, instead of your beautiful child.

Sitting there thinking, "Oh god, oh god, please hurry, please hurry!" and sobbing isn't the first idea of "fun" or "laziness" for anyone that I know personally.

And frankly, I miss my baby at night. But as an AP parent, I won't force her to sleep with me and CIO just so that I can do the "right" AP thing (which is kind of an oxymoron) and sleep with her whether she likes it or not.


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## ATruck (Mar 6, 2006)

For all of those who think it is difficult, I'm not sure how I see that not being AP would have made things easier. I guess with EXTREME BF problems, it would be easier to formula feed, at least at first.

I can see how co-sleeping must be difficult for very light sleepers (both baby and parents). For me, I sleep 8 hours at night (SO FAR-- I know, I know, and broken up of course) and I don't think that would be possible for me to do that if had to get out of bed and walk down the hall to care for a wide awake baby.

But if a baby is "high needs", I think that non-AP parents and AP parents must both struggle -- and I wouldn' be surprised if it was even more of a struggle for the parents who do not respond to that baby's needs, especially as the child grows older.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Interesting that so far everyone seems to be talking about babies. And there are definitely challenges to both AP and more mainstream parenting. A lot depends on your personality and your child's.

I think that AP gets a bit harder at the transition between babyhood and toddlerhood and again from toddlerhood to childhood. Because you are so attuned to meeting every need, many AP parents have trouble distinguishing between need and want at some point, which can be really wearing on parents, especially moms.

Also note that some of what you are talking about (cloth diapers, EC) are more Natural Family Living issues, not AP per se. What type of diaper you use really has no impact on your attachment, assuming that what you use meets your child's needs.


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## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

i tell others that we do ap stuff because we're lazy. it makes for good conversation, and i always like to do a little plug on breastfeeding, cosleeping etc to put it in a positive light. for instance, with cosleeping, i say we do it because we're lazy and don't want to get up at night, but then extol the virtues of being (relatively) well rested parents, and also dd not getting upset at night because we're right there.

but in general, i don't think that making things easier for ourselves as parents while concurrently meeting the needs of our little one makes us lazy.

it makes us, well...SMART.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ATruck* 
For all of those who think it is difficult, I'm not sure how I see that not being AP would have made things easier. I guess with EXTREME BF problems, it would be easier to formula feed, at least at first.

I can see how co-sleeping must be difficult for very light sleepers (both baby and parents). For me, I sleep 8 hours at night (SO FAR-- I know, I know, and broken up of course) and I don't think that would be possible for me to do that if had to get out of bed and walk down the hall to care for a wide awake baby.

But if a baby is "high needs", I think that non-AP parents and AP parents must both struggle -- and I wouldn' be surprised if it was even more of a struggle for the parents who do not respond to that baby's needs, especially as the child grows older.

No, I specifically made the point that my babe is NOT high needs (in fact very easy going) and I still find AP enormously difficult (enough so that, like a PP, I will not be having any more children.

If you can sleep through nursing at night or have a babe who doesn't wake all the time, that's great. If you find nursing blissful and calming, you're lucky. If you find babywearing always comfy, if you have a babe who will be worn indoors when you get stuff done, ditto.

Honestly, my mainstream friends make parenting look so simple. Nannies, sitters, dhs, and relatives can watch the babe any time, b/c babe takes bottles, is "trained" to sleep and won't freak out w/o mama. Mom can put baby down in seat, swing, playpen, or in front of a DVD so she can shower or do stuff. Mom gets 8 hours of sleep a night b/c babe is trained. Teething and minor illness easily solved by OTC meds so babe still sleeps at night. No aching back from babywearing. No sore nipples, thrush, mastitis, biting, etc. No fights with the pediatrician over vaccines. No harrassment for NIP. No ridicule and disbelief at family gatherings. (I'm not saying I've experienced all this, but just pointing out what could be easier about mainstream parenting.)

If people didn't find mainstream parenting easy, why would they do it? There's no evidence to support the value of most mainstream practices (strollers, seats, videos, CIO, bottles) for the BABY, so they must be there for the PARENTS.

Finally, it's a little mystifying to me that people talk about bottle-feeding as though it's SO SO arduous. I don't bottle-feed at all, but I know many parents who do and, honestly, it doesn't look that fargin' tough. I've never heard anyone mainstream complain about it.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
Interesting that so far everyone seems to be talking about babies. And there are definitely challenges to both AP and more mainstream parenting. A lot depends on your personality and your child's.


This was initially posted in Life with a Babe, then moved, so I think that's some of the baby stuff.


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## Amris (Feb 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ATruck* 
For all of those who think it is difficult, I'm not sure how I see that not being AP would have made things easier. I guess with EXTREME BF problems, it would be easier to formula feed, at least at first.

Are you kidding me? I can't tell you how many times I nearly quit. I was bottle feeding and pumping, and I can tell you, having done both...

If I wouldn't feel like I was in some way harming my DD, I would be bottle feeding her now and never looking back.

NOW. And I don't have any more extreme breastfeeding problems. But I still don't like it. I don't find it convenient, and I don't find it pleasant. It's just downright annoying to me. I live in dread of the idea of her getting old enough to start playing with my other breast while she's on the first one. They already itch and hurt bad enough. Ugh. I don't even want to think about it. One day at a time.

Quote:

I can see how co-sleeping must be difficult for very light sleepers (both baby and parents). For me, I sleep 8 hours at night (SO FAR-- I know, I know, and broken up of course) and I don't think that would be possible for me to do that if had to get out of bed and walk down the hall to care for a wide awake baby.
I sleep 11 hours. Uninterrupted. I KNOW I couldn't do that with baby in bed with me. Neither could she.

Quote:

But if a baby is "high needs", I think that non-AP parents and AP parents must both struggle -- and I wouldn' be surprised if it was even more of a struggle for the parents who do not respond to that baby's needs, especially as the child grows older.
Mine's not high needs at all.

But I got my tubes tied while I was on the op table, and I don't regret it for a second. I won't be doing this again, either, and as much as I feared I might change my mind, I'm finding it the opposite. I can't remember the last time I felt more grateful for anything than i feel that I was smart enough to get myself fixed.

I love DD with my whole being. But I don't want to experience pregnancy again, and I sure as HELL don't want to experience the first 12 weeks of breastfeeding EVER again. Abject misery. It was horrible. Horrible.

I shudder to think what would have happened to DD and I in "the old days" before bottle feeding. If I hadn't been able to pump and bottle feed her... dear lord, I don't know what would have become of us.







:


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## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

My ds was/is ultra high needs. Parenting him _in general_ is rough.







BF made my life easier when he had colic and reflux. It also made my life easier when his feeding disorder reared its' ugly head. Wearing him in the sling made it possible for me to take him places I normally wouldn't take him for fear of him running away. Wearing him ALSO made it possible to go out, period, seeing as he screamed bloody murder in both the stroller AND shopping carts. Not CIO probably saved his life, seeing as the _one_ time I attempted it (at dh's urging, in the middle of the night...sigh), he jumped out of his crib...I heard a "thud" on the floor. He was okay, thankfully, but he was and still is one of those kids who will cry until vomiting or gagging. Because of our AP practices, he is doing much better wrt his autism, also. Had I not been forced to be in such constant contact with him, the fact that he was essentially nonverbal until age 2.5 would have been a much bigger problem.

My point is, parenting a high needs kid is tough, period. Regardless of which parenting philosophy you subscribe to. Having a child that everybody...other mothers, therapists, teachers...you name it...agrees is a very *ahem* _difficult_ child, I can tell you that all that nutty AP stuff has made our life easier.


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## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

For me I think it's harder, but I do it cause it's the way I think things should be done. I have a very high needs baby, and to me it seems like it would be easier to just ignore him sometimes. Note I said "easier" not "better". Mainstream parents get the housework done and let the baby cry if the baby has been fed and changed. I often am not able to get the housework done.

Also, I think it would definately be "easier" to shut him the nursery and let him cry in his crib and set the alarm and get him in the morning rather than labor to put him to sleep only to have him wake several times a night. BUt I just can't do that. I think it's neglect boardering on abuse to do that to a child. But sometimes I get jealous of mainstream people who can do that and "train" their baby and get a good nights sleep.

I could go on, but I don't want this post to turn too much into a rant about how hard AP is. The bottom line is I love my little ones and they are worth every bit of frustration and/or extra work. They are people, and they deserve to be treated right, not raised at my convienence. But I definately think AP is harder than mainstream parenting.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Yes, I was very lucky

so it was easier for me to ap

Nursing was easy, never had any problems (very lucky), I was able to sleep with my babies easily

It may also be due to my personality. I would find most "mainstream" practices a PITA

I did bottlefeed my oldest after 2 months and I will say that I never had to sterilize anything. I didn't even heat the bottles-just gave it at room temperature. It wasn't really that bad.

My kids were also very attached to me-my middle was happy as long as he was atttached to my body for the first 12 months.

But having to do everything on a schedule would have driven me nuts.


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## jeteaa (Jan 23, 2007)

I wish it were that simple. BF is not easy for us. dd2 now 9 months is a VERY picky nurser. she will only nurse in bed, nap time, dark quiet room. Not in the van, at the park, in the yard. I pump as often as possible, but I hate pumping becaseu she is stubborn. And I offer her the breast at other times, and she just won't take it. I love my ergo, but she is a wiggly,BIG active babe. So carrying her is not all that easy either. And I enyoy cuddling with her at night, and it does make it easier for night nursing, but sometimes I feel she uses me as more of a pacifier than actually needing milk. I wish I could just comfort her by hugging her, rather than having to get in a semi-uncomfortable nursing position to get her back to sleep. And with finger food. organic is not cheap. and she seems to get 90% on the floor rather than eat it. Sometimes it would be easier and more cost effective to spoon feed. But alas, we try to be as AP as possible, because we do feel that it is much more beneficial. But I won't go as far as to say that it is easy.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg* 
I AP because I believe in it and I believe it's best for dd. She's a wonderful, happy, attached little girl. But I do not find it easy AT ALL.









: In my case I was the mainstream parent with my now 15 yo ds and I have my regrets. However almost 21 mos of AP'ing with my dd and I wholeheartedly agree that it ain't easy at all. When my son was 21 mos he was in his own bed and I slept at night. My dd is still waking up numerous times to nurse and with co-sleeping dh & I aren't even in the same bed anymore because we can't all sleep together (I have not slept in the bed with my dh in over a year) and as a WOHM, the lack of sleep is brutal on me.

My dd never liked slings and with my hernia I couldn't sling much anyway.. no AP is lot of work for us. However I see my girl as well adjusted and well rounded and it works for us and her. Yet I cannot paint a picture of it being easy and lovely..









Shay


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

I think raising kids in general is just HARD. Reallyreallyreally hard. Especially when #2 or #3 comes along.









I don't care whether you have a name for the way you do it or not, whether you feed formula from day one or breastfeed past age 4... it's just danged hard.

That said, I got into a lot of AP stuff early on with my son, not out of some ideological committment, but out of sheer convenience. I used to gush about how "easy" and "natural" attachment parenting stuff was.

Then I had my daughter.









A lot of things have changed in my life since those early days, and with it, I've changed some of my ideas and methods.







Some of my ideas are much more AP/NFL than they were two years ago; others are decidedly less so.









I think most people with kids are just trying to survive and make their children thrive, no matter what it looks like on the outside.


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## pumpkingirl71 (Jul 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eightyferrettoes* 
I think raising kids in general is just HARD. Reallyreallyreally hard. Especially when #2 or #3 comes along.









I don't care whether you have a name for the way you do it or not, whether you feed formula from day one or breastfeed past age 4... it's just danged hard.


I am in love with you...


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scrabblelover* 
I'm sure a bunch of you came here to give me a piece of your mind, lol, had to get your attention though!

DH and i were talking about how we thinking our parenting (AP) should actually be called Lazy Parenting, because that's what it feels like sometimes it is so easy.

BF - always ready, always warm, always with us. no cleaning, pouring, mixing, sterilizing. No worrying about getting everything together when traveling. Roll over in the middle of the night instead of getting up and fixing a bottle, which by the time you do the baby must be screaming because they had to wait.

Slings - Thank God something to save my back and arms! I couldn't live without one! grocery shopping, house cleaning, anything is so easy with dd strapped on me. I don't know how other people get anything done.

Co-sleeping - I roll over in the middle of the night, she latches on & i sleep. The other option of her being in another room and having to leave my bed to care for her? Why would you chose to do this? Get out of your warm bed & go sit in a hard chair to nurse? How do you live without them beside you?

No CIO - picking her up, calming her and making everything okay. Versus letting her cry? how do people do that? It would break my heart and make me a nervous wreck.

Offering finger food instead of baby food - here's a steamed broccoli, have fun. Versus buying or making food and spoon feeding? i'm too lazy for that!

Any one else had these thoughts?

Now i'm not saying dd is perfect. But i am saying i think we've chose the best way to raiser her, which also happens to be the easiest for all of us!


Easy for you. That's great but for us? Nope Nope Nope Nope and um NOPE!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scrabblelover* 
BF - always ready, always warm, always with us. no cleaning, pouring, mixing, sterilizing. No worrying about getting everything together when traveling. Roll over in the middle of the night instead of getting up and fixing a bottle, which by the time you do the baby must be screaming because they had to wait.


Oldest DD HATED being touched too much. Would NOT bf unless in semi-upright position. Would Not do so in bed. Had to pump when I had emergency surgery and dd soooooooooooooo much happier with bottle. So kept pumping. And lets see. Still had to clean and sterazlize. Had to "get everything together when travelling." And even when BF'ing no "just rolling over in bed"

Oh and when used formula (suplemented when recoverying and on meds) used very convenient shelf stable individual cans. Poured into bottle. Took 3 seconds and was at room temp which dd liked best. So could not have been easier, other than throwing nipples in boiling water once every few days (had about 20 so)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scrabblelover* 
Slings - Thank God something to save my back and arms! I couldn't live without one! grocery shopping, house cleaning, anything is so easy with dd strapped on me. I don't know how other people get anything done.


Uh did I mention how she did not like to be touched too much? Slinging made her loco and she would cry and cry and cry and cry. Stroller however was beloved and very easy. And it certainly was great for my back and arms.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scrabblelover* 
Co-sleeping - I roll over in the middle of the night, she latches on & i sleep. The other option of her being in another room and having to leave my bed to care for her? Why would you chose to do this? Get out of your warm bed & go sit in a hard chair to nurse? How do you live without them beside you?

Again, dd had no interest in bf'ing in bed. Would grunt and cry and cry if touched during the middle of the night. After I caught on that she hated it put her alone in crib . Took one second to get her from room next to mine and since she had to be carried to rocker anyway made no difference.

Anyway, the point is every child is very different. What may be easy with one child is a nightmare with another!


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## Summerland (Aug 9, 2005)

since my daughter is still waking many times a night, it's so much easier having her beside me in bed so i can just feed her while i sleep, but i love not having to boil bottles and worry about running out of formula


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## ChristaN (Feb 14, 2003)

I'm going to have to agree with those who voted that AP is not easier. Of course, I have never tried the alternative, but here's my comparison:

dd1 (and I, according to my mother) were/are very high needs -- screamed non-stop as babies, rarely slept, intense, emotional children... My mom says that she couldn't take it and just left me in my room in a crib to cry -- put a pillow over her own head to avoid listening to me, formula fed, etc. I carried dd around all night while she screamed. I nursed for years and co-slept.

I basically gave up and withdrew as a child which made me (apparently) easier to parent until I hit my teen years and started self destructing. Dd is still not easy (she's 8). We spend a lot of time talking at night. I spend a lot of time helping her process her strong emotions. It takes a lot more time and emotional energy than shutting the door and putting a pillow over my head, but I also find it rewarding and I hope to garner a teen and young adult eventually out of it who is more emotionally stable than was I.


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## nina_yyc (Nov 5, 2006)

My DD seems to be an easy baby so far, but regardless I think I have it easier than my mainstream friends. I just read my baby to see if I'm doing things right. A lot of mainstream people I know are kind of floundering mentally...trying to rationalize CIO, sift through all of the advice, etc. They seem to have a lot more problems with BF with higher intervention births and not as much support.

I think parenting is just as hard either way...with AP you put more into it, but you get more out of it too.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Laziness is the Mother of all invention. Lazy is a good attribute when it means that you do things in the simplest, most sensible, rational, long-term-goal oriented possible way you can.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

But I'm not sure it's such a good idea to promote AP as such a great choice for lazy parents. There are so many of us for whom AP is terribly, terribly difficult. It's nice to say, "Oh, bfing is so easy--nothing to buy, nothing to sterilize, just roll over at night to feed." But what if you have terrible bfing problems like I did and end up spending over $700 on LCs plus all kinds of medications and products to make it through? What if you're a low supply mama or you work, so you still have to bottlefeed some of the time (and pumping is even more labor intensive than ff--b/c there's the time to pump and the time to feed/clean bottles)? What if you have a babe (like mine) who cannot or will not nurse in bed and who cannot or will not co-sleep. I really don't think I can pitch not CIO as "easy" when I'm up 3-5 times a night with my dd and for me it's UP--picking her up, going to a chair, nursing her.

I don't think we should make parenting choices based on what's convenient. Kids aren't convenient. If I wanted convenience, I would have gotten a house plant instead. I think we should do what's best for our (individual) children, regardless of whether or not it's more or less work.

And seriously, people. Ready to use formula. Dump it in a bottle and go. Or put scoop of powered formula in bottle, add water, shake. Put bottle in dishwasher. I am NOT NOT NOT an advocate of ff by choice, but people describe it here as though it's THE most unbelievably arduous, labor-intensive choice. From what I read here, you would think ff moms do nothing but stand over a steaming stove, hair curling from the humidity, sterilizing nipples day in and day out, while their baby is crying on their hip.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg* 
And seriously, people. Ready to use formula. Dump it in a bottle and go. Or put scoop of powered formula in bottle, add water, shake. Put bottle in dishwasher. I am NOT NOT NOT an advocate of ff by choice, but people describe it here as though it's THE most unbelievably arduous, labor-intensive choice. From what I read here, you would think ff moms do nothing but stand over a steaming stove, hair curling from the humidity, sterilizing nipples day in and day out, while their baby is crying on their hip.


EXACTLY. Its totally great to advocate for bf'ing as the healthiest choice. But in the U.S., if you have ennough money, bottle feeding is just SUPER SUPER easy.

You can buy little plastic bottles with disposable liners and single serve pop-top formula. Baby wakes and you pop open the formula dump it in the bottle
and feed. This LITERALLY takes LESS THAN 5 Seconds. It took me longer to unsnap my shirt and unhook my nursing bra.

And then you just throw the liner in the trash, the bottles barely get dirty and that can be easily solved by a simple run through the dishwasher on "sanitize" (high heat) setting.

I am NOT advocating bottle feeding, but it never pays to advocate your position by LYING about the other options (I am not referring to Anyone here but my original LLL teacher did)

I bf all my kids for 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 years, but supplemented with formula briefly (mixed in with reserve of pumped milk) with two of them for brief periods because of illness.

So I can speak to both.


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## tiffer23 (Nov 7, 2005)

Okay, as a bottle feeding mama, it sucked! Pre-making bottles, heating them in the night, having to be awake through it all, cleaning the bottles, taking up all the space... blech! I hate bottles with a passion. I'm praying the next baby does better with nursing, and I do as well.


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## pixiesmommy (Apr 19, 2007)

This is my first post to the boards and this topic really caught my attention.

I think AP is harder... but primarily because I had little to no support. I was a single mom, working outside the home, when my daughter was born. My mom watched her, and grudgingly followed most of my "rules!"

It was hard for me to pump at work because of the nature of my job. I had to go to my car in a busy parking lot and pump no matter what the weather. I had to come home from a long day at work and immediately sit down to nurse for the rest of the evening since she wanted to nurse CONSTANTLY.

Co-sleeping was easy, and I had no idea it had a name at the time I started it. I had an Arm's Reach co-sleeper but even that was too far away for her and she slept on my chest until she was about 3 months old. But only for about 30 minutes at a stretch. She either nursed or screamed/cried. I never would have let her CIO... she would have probably cried herself into a heart attack. She would cry til she puked even in my arms sometimes.

I never got the hang of wearing a sling. She was a tiny little thing and seemed buried in it. The only way she'd tolerate it was facing outward and sitting in the crossed-leg position, but she would often try to reach out for things and I would feel her tip. I almost dropped her on her head in a store like this once and it scared me to death!

I'm pregnant again and I doubt I'll do anything different. I plan to breastfeed again (first dd nursed til she was 3.5 yrs) and will co-sleep even if it means DH has to move to another bed. I will try to find a better sling that fits more comfortably and will learn how to better use it. I also plan to CD this time around.

I've done lots of babysitting in my day and the only hard part about mainstream parenting, IMO, was feeding the babies on the "schedule." I hated having to sit and watch the clock for another hour while the baby was screaming because the parent said feed at this particular time. It always killed me. And I thought mixing the formula was a bit of a pain, but not as much as pumping and storing BM!

It certainly does get harder as they get older. DD is 6 yrs now and rather than being more independent like all the books say BF and AP kids are supposed to be, she is very clingy and would still love to be co-sleeping with me if she could. She still has problems sleeping through the night and has sensory issues sometimes as well. Maybe this is not the parenting coming into play and just her individuality. I do think things would have been harder for her if I had not been so attached.

My 2c!


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maya44* 
I am NOT advocating bottle feeding, but it never pays to advocate your position by LYING about the other options.

I don't think anyone that is saying AP is easier for them is lying.

_Parenting is hard--no matter how you do it._ Attachment Parenting felt like the most natural and easier option for me and my children. My first baby was high-needs and demanded to be held all the time, wouldn't take a bottle, etc. I hadn't planned on co-sleeping at all (my SIL did that and I didn't want my kids in my bed "forever" like her) or nursing passed a year. But it turned out that that's what my baby required and it would have been very difficult for me to convince her otherwise.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg*
If people didn't find mainstream parenting easy, why would they do it? There's no evidence to support the value of most mainstream practices (strollers, seats, videos, CIO, bottles) for the BABY, so they must be there for the PARENTS.

For the most part I think strollers, baby seats, videos, bottles, etc. are sold to parents because the baby equipment industry makes _billions_ of dollars every year and they would like to continue doing so. We are heavily marketed to.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnysideup* 
I don't think anyone that is saying AP is easier for them is lying.

_Parenting is hard--no matter how you do it._ Attachment Parenting felt like the most natural and easier option for me and my children. My first baby was high-needs and demanded to be held all the time, wouldn't take a bottle, etc. I hadn't planned on co-sleeping at all (my SIL did that and I didn't want my kids in my bed "forever" like her) or nursing passed a year. But it turned out that that's what my baby required and it would have been very difficult for me to convince her otherwise.


I totally agree that parenting is hard no matter what. And when a bf advocate says "Its so easy FOR ME" that's fine.

BUT when they claim that the alternative is having to constantly wash and steralize bottles and that you must get up and get the bottle and then take time to go get everything and heat it up in the middle of the night and the poor baby is left to cry in hunger while all of this is being done" welll it's not completely truthful.

With today's individually packed pop top formula and disposable bottle liners, you can "make a bottle" in under five seconds and very little in the way of cleaning is required.

Now saying "It's nowhere near as healthy and WAY expensive" that is a LEGITIMATE argument. In fact there are tons of great arguments why Bf'ing is better, so why bother with one's that are false?


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## gdmwtf (Jul 29, 2005)

I agree that sometimes the BF advocacy can overemphasize things that may vary for some people. I bf'd exclusively for 14 months and my period came back 8 weeks after delivery. So where was my glorious year of no periods? Didn't get it. And the baby weight just "falling off" from bfing? Didn't happen for me. And it didn't stop me from conceiving #2 - so there you go. At least I was warned about that one by my midwife! Happy surprise there.

Not that these were reasons for me to bf - but they are heavily touted extras that didn't end up happening for me, which made me feel like some of the bf advocacy was promising stuff that just doesn't happen for all people, without saying that.

Also not sure it's so much cheaper for everyone: decent nursing bras, pads, LC visits, pump, lilypads, soothies, nursing tops - and you need bottles anyway if you pump - add up. I know not everyone uses that all stuff - but I did.

Like Maya44 says - why bother with arguments that are false?


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## waylonsmama (Apr 1, 2007)

APing has to be much easier than mainstream parenting... but it can still be difficult. I could not imagine having to prepare bottles all day and night...and then listen as my baby cried himself to sleep. There are many other things that people do and think that it is easier that way...swings, bouncy seats, carrying their poor babies in those bulky carseats







:


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## eternamariposa (Mar 27, 2007)

To NYCVeg, I am so with you! Everything you said is just right on the money for us. I had a really really difficult time establishing bf, ds is very demanding. My dh and I were just talking about how one bby is really all you need.







And I agree propping up bottles, not caring so much about cio would make life so much easier, less happy, but easier. Trying to AP a high needs baby is incredible work. Work worth doing but work nontheless.


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## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waylonsmama* 
carrying their poor babies in those bulky carseats







:

You'll get my bulky carseat away from me when you pry it from my cold, dead, hand.

My "poor baby" would FINALLY fall asleep in the car. If you think I was going to wake her up just so that she could feel the privilege of being held by me for the two minutes it took to carry her inside, therefore ending her much needed nap, just so that you could slap an AP label on me, well, you can guess again.

"







: "


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## RBinTEX (Apr 16, 2004)

I was agreeing with OP when I first started the thread, but a lot of you convinced me AP might just be harder! Why didn't someone tell me this 15 years ago! What the heck have I been doing all this time!









AP has felt easy for me, and after I had my first child, I was one of those way obnoxious moms who thought she invented motherhood. Time and 3 more kids had a way of knocking me off my high horse. Still, I've always been conviced that the AP choices I've made have made us a better family.

A month ago, I had painters in my house for about a week. They were a husband, wife, and their two grown sons. They were horrible to each other -- screaming, cussing, threatening, belittling one another. I secretly patted myself on the back because we get along pretty well around here, and I assumed it was because of our AP style. Well, on the last day, the wife saw a picture of our family at the birth of our last child, and noticed we were not at a hospital. I told her we used a midwife. She went on to say how she birthed her children at home, extended breastfed, coslept, etc. Well, that blew the last bit of my theory away!









Still an AP mom, just not patting myself on the back too much!


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
You'll get my bulky carseat away from me when you pry it from my cold, dead, hand.

My "poor baby" would FINALLY fall asleep in the car. If you think I was going to wake her up just so that she could feel the privilege of being held by me for the two minutes it took to carry her inside, therefore ending her much needed nap, just so that you could slap an AP label on me, well, you can guess again.

"







: "
















Loved that. Some people mistake the means to an AP end (for most people) as the END in itself.

Having a baby whose needs are being met is (supposed to be) the goal of AP. Confusing that goal with the things many babies need to meet that goal is a huge mistake.

A baby whose needs for comfort and security are met by being in arms or a sling means that a parent who meets those need by using the sling or holding their baby is being AP.

A baby who is miserable in a sling and tries to squirm out of her mothers arms after a few minutes should not be forced to be in a sling or even carried if there is an alternative.

My first born was always a misery in arms. The first day I dragged the stroller into the house and put her in there while I interacted with her, was the first day she spent an entire day happy and content.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Yep, I have been told this several times by members of my family.


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## Brigianna (Mar 13, 2006)

For me, ap is lazy. I have 2 exclusive bf kids (now weaned), a ff kid, and a pumping+nursing+supplementing kid (for whom I'm now pumping as I type). Without a doubt, bf is easiest. Bottles, whether containing formula or ebm, are much more hassle. So I've never understood the case of ff'ing "for convenience" unless the person had serious bf'ing problems.

We don't cosleep, but we have the baby in our room, which is much more convenient than having her down the hall. And feeding her in the night is easier than hearing her cry.

Laziness is a huge motivator in my sah'ing and homeschooling. I believe it's best for the kids, but I also couldn't image getting everyone up, dealing with school/daycare, working an outside job, plus doing parenting things. Definitely lazy there.

Gentle discipline is the only aspect of ap that I think is not lazy or is more difficult for the parent than the mainstream way. But a lot of that might be mindset. If I had grown up in a culture that respected children as people, and that were my natural frame of reference, that might be easier too.

All species, humans included, are made to survive. Parenting is difficult, but it's not meant to be impossible.


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

i wouldn't call it lazy, but that is just me. there are times when it is really hard for me to do AP. . .


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
You'll get my bulky carseat away from me when you pry it from my cold, dead, hand.

My "poor baby" would FINALLY fall asleep in the car. If you think I was going to wake her up just so that she could feel the privilege of being held by me for the two minutes it took to carry her inside, therefore ending her much needed nap, just so that you could slap an AP label on me, well, you can guess again.

"







: "
















Isn't this the truth. I hear ya, when my dd fell asleep in her bucket, there was no way I would take her out to appear more AP or whatever. The few times it happened it meant eating with 2 hands or on a few occasions dh & I getting some quality time







.

Buckets are not inherantly evil, its when they are overused and the baby never gets any contact. I suspect when we see someone in a mall or public place with an alert baby in a bucket we are only getting a snapshot of what their life is like.

Shay


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Quote:

It's nice to say, "Oh, bfing is so easy--nothing to buy, nothing to sterilize, just roll over at night to feed." But what if you have terrible bfing problems like I did and end up spending over $700 on LCs plus all kinds of medications and products to make it through? What if you're a low supply mama or you work, so you still have to bottlefeed some of the time (and pumping is even more labor intensive than ff--b/c there's the time to pump and the time to feed/clean bottles)? What if you have a babe (like mine) who cannot or will not nurse in bed and who cannot or will not co-sleep. I really don't think I can pitch not CIO as "easy" when I'm up 3-5 times a night with my dd and for me it's UP--picking her up, going to a chair, nursing her.
Excellent post. ITA. I also had an extremely difficult BFing relationship (similar to yours... I consulted multiple LCs, bought a pump and medications, and had to sit up with the light on to nurse) and let me TELL you, straight FFing would have been much, MUCH easier. I stuck to it out of sheer teeth-gritting determination. Everyone thought I was insane.

And I am one of those who just does terribly with cosleeping. In theory it sounds nice, but in practice it was awful for me. I woke up every time DD moved or made a sound, and she didn't sleep all that well either. Even now, when we occasionally cosleep, I get no rest.


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## edamommy (Apr 6, 2004)

I do NOT find ap'ing lazy parenting. It's the opposite for me.


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## hippymomma69 (Feb 28, 2007)

Quote:

Gentle discipline is the only aspect of ap that I think is not lazy or is more difficult for the parent than the mainstream way. But a lot of that might be mindset. If I had grown up in a culture that respected children as people, and that were my natural frame of reference, that might be easier too.
I agree with this. Now that I am in the GD "mindset" it seems so much easier than traditional discipline. My mainstream friends are constantly working to come up with elaborate rewards/punishments - I'm like "huh?" We don't do timeouts or rewards and now that I've got the hang of the GD method I don't really think of it as anything that needs to be "worked on".

I'm definitely a slacker mom and proud of it - AP is the easiest way to get along with my kids and make sure we're all happy!
peace,
robyn


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## theretohere (Nov 4, 2005)

I think it's easier. I tell people all the time that I'm too lazy to formula feed, to have my baby sleep in another room, and use disposables.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

Ok, I may be a little naive, but you guys are kidding about being lazy, right? Because I don't understand how someone could be proud of being a lazy parent. I took parenting on full force and knew I would have to work my butt off and did. I didn't do it to be lazy and look for easy ways out of getting up and doing the right thing. Maybe I'm too old or something, because lazy isn't a trait I want to be labeled with. So, you're kidding about the lazy part, right?


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## maxsmum (Nov 29, 2006)

Way easier in the beginning, now not so much...

Wearing DS is getting hard - he weighs so much and I have lots of different carriers but all pull or hurt some part of me.

Co-sleeping has become difficult as DS is up all of the time to nurse suddenly

DS won't nap alone for more than 20-30 minutes and won't go to sleep at night without us.

this makes for 24 hour parenting with few breaks to do anything else and it is definately not easier on any of us.
but hopefully this too shall pass and I do believe it is worth it. I don't know if I could do it again...


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

In terms of effort I can agree that AP requires less in some ways but I think it is much more mentally taxing as children grow.

It is much harder to reason with a child than to just shout 'No' at them and AP in the long term leads to you to analyse yourself much more than traditional 'rote' parenting so is harder emotional work in some ways.

Of course the fruit of this labour is hopefully a less confrontational and stressful journey which bringsd us back to the 'easy life'









Lazy gives you more time to spend doing things that are fun - like sleeping.


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## saraann (Dec 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ATruck* 

But if a baby is "high needs", I think that non-AP parents and AP parents must both struggle -- and I wouldn' be surprised if it was even more of a struggle for the parents who do not respond to that baby's needs, especially as the child grows older.

My baby is high needs and this is the main reason why I find AP easier. Meeting her needs just makes life easier for everyone in our house. I never planned to parent AP but did plan to follow my instincts. DD let me know early on what she wanted and it was clearly and AP mom. Parenting is hard no matter what, but I imagine it would be much harder for me to ignore my instincts and not meet her needs.

It's what has worked for us.


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## wemoon (Aug 31, 2002)

ITA with the OP! I've always thought that AP was for the lazy parent! I could not imagine having to fix bottles, making sure to remember to bring all that stuff with me wherever I went, taking time out of my meal time to spoon feed, getting up at night to feed. No way! Too much work!


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I know that AP is very hard for some parents, and breastfeeding is very hard for some mothers. But it wasn't for me. And that's the one thing that I think no one said to me before dd was born. It was all about how hard things were, but breastfeeding in particular has always come very very easily for us.

Cosleeping too was easy easy. Dh had a harder time with it, and he was the initial impetus behind the slow transition to dd having a separate room. At 18 months it was the futon on the floor, then at about 2 her own bed, and at nearly 3, her own room. She loves it though, and always has. But I don't think she sleeps any better or worse there really. We'll cosleep with the next.

We only nightweaned after multiple tooth issues that we couldn't stop with natural and conventional treatments. It might or might not have helped them. Barring that though, I'd have been happy to keep doing it indefinitely. She was old enough by then to wake up infrequently come in my bed, nurse, and I'd eventually put her back in her own bed. I would have actually preferred to stop NIP/have less daytime nursings and night nurse on demand, but chose the reverse in favor of her teeth.

In NYC, the carriers have been a godsend for me. I didn't switch to the stroller until really necessary (several people told me they didn't know I had one). And now I use a volo stroller b/c I can fold it and carry it onto the train with the shoulder strap. My mother was shocked that I don't want a double stroller with the new baby. I hope that by the time he's too big to be carried, dd will be out of her stroller need entirely.

The ability to take dd anywhere at nearly any hour was the thing that I was most pleased with. I can't fathom needing to be home at a particular hour to put a child to bed or to nap. She sleeps wherever when she's tired. At a dinner party, visiting relatives, etc. are much easier this way imo. We've been to very fancy restaurants, she's been to work meetings with me, all kinds of stuff.

I've never known a cio child who could do this. They all needed to be home at 7pm sharp for bed, and home in a crib for naps, and would need repeat training if in a hotel/relative's house, etc. I've known a few AP babes though, who need their regular routine for sleep, and needed to be home at a specific hour. So I don't know that it's AP per se, but it seems to me that you might get a "go baby" with AP, and you'll never get one with CIO.

I also believe strongly in a family dinnertime and gathering around the table. People who do the really early bedtime mainstream thing seem to feed the kids first, then the adults. They may sit there and talk to the kids while they eat, but my dh wouldn't be home for an early dinner, and he'd have so much less interaction! DD and I eat a snack at 5:30 and dinner at 7:30 so we can all eat together. I think she also eats a better variety of stuff, and is less picky at 3 than she would be if I fed her "kid food" at a separate dinner.

Cloth diapering I don't find easier, nor delaying vaxes. NIP can be daunting as dd is over 3. I do all of it because I believe in it, but some are easier than others!


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
I also believe strongly in a family dinnertime and gathering around the table. People who do the really early bedtime mainstream thing seem to feed the kids first, then the adults. They may sit there and talk to the kids while they eat, but my dh wouldn't be home for an early dinner, and he'd have so much less interaction! DD and I eat a snack at 5:30 and dinner at 7:30 so we can all eat together. I think she also eats a better variety of stuff, and is less picky at 3 than she would be if I fed her "kid food" at a separate dinner.

I'm not sure what AP has to do with bedtimes. My dd goes to bed right around 7pm--her choice. Since AP is about following your child's cues, I make sure to nurse her to bed as soon as she shows signs of tiredness--anywhere from 6:30-7. I would love to have family dinners together, but I believe in following dd's lead, not forcing her to stay up. We do family breakfast instead. Also, dd isn't really eating solids yet, but I definitely don't plan on making a "kiddie food" dinner when she does, even if she's eating before we do!

Oh, and FTR, I do know scheduled, sleep-trained babies who will relatively easily stay up at late dinners out with their parents--OTOH, my dd has not fallen asleep while out in a carrier (or stroller for that matter) since she was around 5 months old. I think temperment plays the biggest role in how adaptable kids are to situations like that.


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## Trini-soca (Apr 21, 2007)

i mix it up...i'm not totally AP or anything else. when my dd (who is now 4) was younger i breast fed...to me there was no other choice, like some, i thought the formula smelled awful! and carrying around all that stuff just seemed like too much work for me.
CIO...i tried it in the begining but i couldn't hang. i just couldn'thear her cry like that, i still can't. so instaed of me going to her all the time, i made up a new bedtime routine, cuz she had a bedtime. momma needed some rest! starting at 6 she'd eat, then we'd hang out a bit and play or something. then it was bath time, after that bedtime, but i'd read her a few stories first and snuggle a bit....and that was that! she'd sleep!
CD...no thanks! i'm the oldest of 4 so i had lots of cd's to change (i'm from trinidad so my mom cd'd for a long time) and let me tell you...it was not fun! so just like i knew i had to breast feed, i knew i had to use sposies.
as for the spoon feeding, i did that for about 2 months and then Ming just quit on me, see, she didn't get teeth when most kids do at 5 or 6 months so it was veryhard for her to eat. she got teeth at 13 months...of course we worked it out before then but we had to try lots of different things. lol. we ended up just givingher what we ate, but a little mashed up...it worked for her.
Co Sleeping...did that too. didn't wantto at first but ended up doing it. we bought a nice crib and everything. but ming was very fussy her first couple months so she slept with us. after that i just took the gate off the crib and rolled it up nexttoour bed so it was like an extension, which worked well for us cuz i wasso afraid of my husband crushing her. she never slept in the crib with all four sides on and up...she hated it. so when she turned one i moved her bed over a bit tosee how she'd do, and she did ok...fell off the bed a couple times but i had a few pillows there just in case and it became a game...throw yourself off the bed game! lol

basically i think we as moms have to do what's best for us and our kids..simple. we have to collectively come to the realization that the "mainstream" stuff is not really mainstream at all...most moms i know parent like i do. and there are thousands of you ladies out in cyberspace that do the same thing! i think it's really the media that tries to make people belivethat thosethings are what you have to do for your kid to be "normal"...and what mother doesn't want that? (well not necessarily normal but "well") so if you believe the hyp on tv and in mags and such you'd do it too wouldn't you? if you belived that you have to have these things so your kid can be well thenyou'd do it...simple.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
So I don't know that it's AP per se, but it seems to me that you might get a "go baby" with AP, and you'll never get one with CIO.

NYC Veg, I said this, and you may have a different experience with cio babies, but I haven't seen any that don't have to leave for home by 7 or 8 pm max. Not all APed kids will sleep everywhere, but I do think it's more common for kids who are used to nursing or rocking to sleep with a parent to be capable of doing that anywhere as opposed to kids who are used to being in a totally silent, dark room. It's not necessarily that dd will stay up past her bedtime because I don't actually think that's a great idea, but that she'll sleep anywhere.

The early dinner time and kid food thing is what I see many nannies and parents doing and talking about when I take dd to preschool. They feed the child lunch and then get something "fancier" for the adults at a restaurant. You may or may not find that when your child is older. It's something that has seemed to me to be less common with AP versus mainstream culture. Not because it's AP per se, but just anecdotally a difference.


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## Fiercemama (May 30, 2003)

Haven't read all the posts, but I do agree that parenting must be a lot easier when you are not fighting against your child's needs.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
The early dinner time and kid food thing is what I see many nannies and parents doing and talking about when I take dd to preschool. They feed the child lunch and then get something "fancier" for the adults at a restaurant. You may or may not find that when your child is older. It's something that has seemed to me to be less common with AP versus mainstream culture. Not because it's AP per se, but just anecdotally a difference.

No, I definitely see a lot of parents doing the "kiddie food" and "adult food" thing. I've never understood the idea of the "kiddie menu"--yes, I'll have the whole wheat pasta primavera with pinenuts and a spinach salad, but why don't you just fry up any old thing for my growing child.







IME, though, that has more to do with being food-conscious than with being AP, per se. That is, I know VERY mainstream parents who are also very knowledgeable about nutrition, and they feed their children the same healthy foods that they eat. Of course, I also know mainstream parents who just give their kids chicken nuggets and fries, because "toddlers just don't like vegetables." One could argue that one is more likely to research food choices if one is AP (insofar as the AP parents I know tend to research EVERYTHING more), but I don't know if that generalization would hold up. I know there are plenty of MDC mamas who do like the drive-thru.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

I was at a wedding shower last weekend, and there were several small children there.

It was held at a restaurant. They brought a course of appetizers, a course of pasta, a course of salad, and then the main course which we could choose from a list (steak, salmon, chicken francese and chicken parmesan).

One mother asked them to bring breaded, fried chicken fingers for her 2yo daughter, and the daughter ate almost an hour before the rest of us. The other mothers, whose children were about 1 yo, just had their children eat with them.


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## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

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## LisainCalifornia (May 29, 2002)

I must be doing something wrong, because I find AP to be harder on all fronts, but the right thing to do---so I do anyhow. The hard work is worth it to me and to my children. Bottles are not harder than breastfeeding--I have done both because while my first two kids were both breastfed until around 3 years old, my last child was adopted and bottle fed. The ease of bottle feeding was easily apparent to me. Breastfeeding and co-sleeping are not the easy way out for me, nor is gentle discipline.

I actually find the phrase AP= lazy parenting to be a bit insulting, actually. Your milage and perception may vary.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LisainCalifornia* 
I actually find the phrase AP= lazy parenting to be a bit insulting, actually. Your milage and perception may vary.

Thank you. I was wondering this thread has (obviously) gotten my hackles up a bit.







I think it's because to say AP = lazy parenting is to completely gloss over the very real struggles of those of us who work our a$$es off to AP, b/c we believe it's the right thing to do. I am not a lazy parent. I am a parent who struggles to get through every single day trying to do right by my daughter. I would LOVE to be lazy. I would LOVE for things to be easier. But I'm not comfortable switching to formula so I can drop dd off at Grandma's for the weekend or letting her CIO so that I can get a good night's sleep just ONCE or allowing her to scream until she takes a bottle so that someone else can take one feeding, any feeding, EVER and give me a little relief. But, trust me, for ME, all of that would be a heck of a lot easier.


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## lula (Feb 26, 2003)

I personally think that a full time, 24 hour a day staff of nannies and boarding school would be easier.

Seriously, AP has not been easier for me as far as time, level of daily stress, workload etc. however I am banking on the fact that in the long run I will feel peaceful about my decision to AP.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LisainCalifornia* 
I actually find the phrase AP= lazy parenting to be a bit insulting, actually.

I don't think the op meant that literally. I see it as a reaction against the way our society is sold the idea that mainstream parenting is easier. All parenting is hard. The billion dollar baby equipment and formula industries would like you to believe they can make things easier for you. Some parents find AP is easier--follow your child's cues and skip the extra equipment. But I think the AP=lazy parenting was tongue-in-cheek


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Lilya* 
I was at a wedding shower last weekend, and there were several small children there.

One mother asked them to bring breaded, fried chicken fingers for her 2yo daughter, and the daughter ate almost an hour before the rest of us. The other mothers, whose children were about 1 yo, just had their children eat with them.

I don't think it's "non-ap" to feed your child when they are hungry. That may have been the case with this woman. Breaded chicken is not the most nutritious thing but it's okay.

I've been known to feed my kids early at occasions like that. Not all 1 yo's really eat solids so that may the case with some of them. Did they nurse throughout? If so then they did eat at non-adult times.

Actually I'm not sure that separate adult and child mealtimes are an "ap" issue. Families eating meals together is good. Children eating nutritious food is good. But there are other factors. If a working parent has a long commute and the child has to go to bed early it might be more practical for the kids to eat first.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

I feed my kids an hour or two before DH and I eat all the time, for exactly that reason-- he's often unpredictably late getting home. I can easily wait, they can't wait. Not without a loooot of complaining, anyway.

It does bug the heck out of my grandma, though. She thinks it so cruel that the kids then just watch us eat, even though they wouldn't eat anything if you offered it to them, because they _just freakin' ate an hour ago, Grandma!_







:

But I just think of it as "dinner in shifts."







And hey, maybe the chicken strips were a promised special treat or something.

Mmmm... fried chicken strips.....


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maya44* 
Some people mistake the means to an AP end (for most people) as the END in itself.

Having a baby whose needs are being met is (supposed to be) the goal of AP. Confusing that goal with the things many babies need to meet that goal is a huge mistake.


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