# NO!! please, not again.....



## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

Hello,

For those of you who have not read my previous post, I am between 7 and 8 wks pregnant and I had a miscarriage in Oct 01 and Feb of this year. We have a three year old son who was conceived with great ease and without any complications thru the pregnancy.

Ughh....it sounds so "textbook". I just never thought that I would be faced with this possibility again. I had started spotting a few days ago. Actually it was more a yellow/tan discharge and it was never really wet and no tissue. This had continued for a few days and yesterday at one point there was a small amount of blood, darker in color. It happened the one time and then that was it. This morning, more of the same, only once and a small amount. I have the same signs of pregnancy that I started with; tender nipples, tired, dizzy spells and I'm cranky. I haven't really had much morning sickness as with my son.

So far this is different than my miscarriage in that the blood had been bright red, more of it, clots and tissue, cramping, fever.
Anyhow, all of this is happening when i would normally expect my period to come, so maybe thats all it is







: I am hoping its nothing. Have any of you experienced bleeding thru a pregnancy? I really want everything to be okay. I've called my midwife and I am waiting to hear back from her.

I wanted to say that these boards have been a source of comfort to me. You are all such a fabulous bunch of women and so strong, courageous and caring - thank goodness I found you!!

Peace and love - N


----------



## Megs Mom (Mar 19, 2002)

I don't know what to tell you except that I have cerainly heard of women bleeding throughout pg. Please let us know what the midwife says, and how you are doing.


----------



## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Familykiss, I bleed through my son's pregnancy. I had a Placenta Previa and was on bedrest. Happily, everything went well and he's my 7 yr. old love! Bleeding during pregnancy isn't 'normal', but it is commen.

Listen to your body right now. Try to rest as much as possible, put your feet up and don't lift anything heavy. Drink as much water and Red Rasburry Leaf tea as you possibly can. Do see your midwife.

I'll hold you and your baby in my thoughts. I know this is a very difficult time right now. No matter what the outcome - we're here for you. Please take care of yourself and keep us informed when you can.


----------



## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

Hello again,

I thought I would give my update; I spoke with my midwife who has given me the requisition forms to go and have some bloodwork done to determine my Hcg levels. I thought in this way I would be able to tell if this is going to result in another miscarriage. My midwife was very supportive and reassuring and said to remain optomistic.

Yesterday was a teary day for me. I started crying over the kitchen sink, angry, confused, upset. My husband was very supportive and just held me. Bless the universe for giving me a best friend in my husband!!

I had some cramping lastnight and have now continued to bleed, though it is still a very light flow and comes and goes. Not sure if I mentioned the fact that on my ultrasound just over a week ago, there was blood present at the implantation site; here's hoping









I am not filled with fear and anxiety like with my last miscarriage. I was on a mission with my last miss to keep this little soul here, as though I had a choice. I still remain positive this time and am beginning to understand the learning in this for myself. I look out the window and I am reminded of all the beauty around me. I guess even in this present situation there is beauty to be seen too. I am truly blessed, whatever the outcome of this situation.

Thanks for your words and thoughts


----------



## Shannon210 (Jun 9, 2002)

familykiss praying for you and your baby


----------



## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Your on such a rollercoaster right now. I know this has to be so hard on you and your family.

I think your doing all the right things. Your midwife seems to be very caring and I know that will give you some strenght.

Please make sure your drinking lots of fluids while your bleeding. You also need to eat foods high in iron - like leafy greens or beets. Get as much rest as you can. Your health is very important right now. You're better equiped to heal emotionally if you take care of yourself physically.

Your gently in my thoughts.


----------



## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

Hello

Well I'm feeling much better today after having spoke with my midwife again. It sounds as though she thinks this is just a case of bleeding in pregnancy. The light flow is more that which is associated with implantation bleeding. It is not bright red in color and I have still had no clots or anything. Yesterday I had no cramping in the evening when i was usually getting it. My midwife suggested its just signs of fatigue at the end of the day. My husband works split shifts as a chef so I am the primary parent to our very busy son all day and night. I was also feeling a bit of morning sickness yesterday and had those distinctive achy stretchy cramps that you get in pregnancy. So my son and I are trying to do as much laying around (as is possible with a 3 yr old). I still remain positive and I'm prepared for any outcome. I'll go for my next Hcg level today and we'll see what happens,

Thankyou for your thoughts and prayers.


----------



## lamplighter (Nov 20, 2001)

blessings to you familykiss and I hope that all is well with this little one!!

You are in my thoughts and prayers....

beth


----------



## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

Well I have bad news

I miscarried this morning. I was so hopeful and that is helpful to me right now even still.

I feel empty like my body and I am finding it a little more difficult this time. I had more time to dream and hope and think about my ever rounder tummy, the birth, holding this little one...I just really thought it wouldn't happen twice in a row. My midwife has made sure I realize this is not an issue of fertility, just is. Just is as the universe needs it to be. I prayed for the highest good to come of this and I have faith that that is what is happening.

Forgive me for being graphic but it seems like I keep seeing all the blood, and it just keeps coming and I want it to stop. I want to pretend that we are only trying to conceive and this is only a period. I don't want to be thinking about this
















Ughh...I have my moments, and I think that was one of them. I have lots of family here, my Mom and Dad were here with me last night while my husband was at work, and I am blessed with 4 fabulous sisters and good friends to talk to anytime... I have lots of support. I'm going out to my little sisters hip hop dance recital tonight, it will be a nice break - already had a long nap today.

I do have a question though, how long can you expect cramping to last? Its only been since this morning but just wondering. I was in a daze last time and can't remember, also that embryo was not viable for awhile before i had the miss, I think - so it was an easier miscarry. I just want to be certain of any dubious signs to watch for. I'm drinking lots, stinging nettle tea is great and high in every vitamin and mineral and Rasberry leaf too, Ms. Mom - thanks!!

Anyways, i'm gonna go and live it up a little, maybe do a bit of dancing in my living room with my son, does a body and soul good. Thank you everyone!!!


----------



## Shannon210 (Jun 9, 2002)

i am truly sorry for your loss. I have been there, three times
and it is a rough thing to go through,
If you need to chat i am here! You don't know me but i do know what it feels like.

take care
Shannon


----------



## Megs Mom (Mar 19, 2002)

So sorry to hear it. Thoughts and prayers with you.


----------



## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

I'm so sorry. I'm not sure how long the cramping should last. I think it varies from person to person. My "miscarriage", as they called it, was at 16 weeks. I got retained placenta ( I think ) so I kept cramping on & off & bleeding for about 2 weeks before I gave in & had a D&C. Just keep an eye out for any chills or feverishness which could be signs of infection. Look after yourself {{hugs}}}}


----------



## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

I'm so, so sorry. What an emotional roller coaster you've been on. Please know that your in our thoughts.

I agree with Oceanmom - please take good care of yourself. Your body and soul need to heal now and your body is a vessel for this healing.

As for the cramping - usually a week, but check with your midwife to be sure. I'm just a mom and don't want to give you the wrong information. I also agree that you sould look for signs of infection, but good self-care and rest should help you transition through this miscarriage.

I'll light a candle tonight to remember your baby. Please continue reaching out to us - we're here for you.


----------



## Mommy StormRaven (Jan 21, 2002)

I completely understand your pain. I had my D&C 9 days ago after I didnt' miscarry. my baby died at 8 weeks, 6days and I never did cramp or bleed I was 12 weeks 2 days when they did the D&C. My first m/c was 14 years ago and I bled off and on for 2-3 weeks but the worst was about a week. The best thing you can do is to heal and love yourself. My heart is with you.


----------



## TracyK (Jun 8, 2002)

I'm so sorry.... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Tracy


----------



## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

Thank you for sharing with us, familykiss... I am also so sorry to hear of your loss and will be holding your family in prayer.

I echo: be gentle with yourself. It must be hard to slow down with an active little one to play with! Hope you have much support to reach out to, to nuture him and you both.

I am glad you have a best friend for a partner to walk with thru this. Take good care. Blessings.


----------



## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

This is kind of like my own personal journal, but instead it responds to me. You have all been so kind with your words, thoughts and prayers. I have no doubt that you are lending me peace right now.

I have had one really tough day - the day the miscarriage happened. I felt removed from reality. Of course, I have had some very insensitive comments, even on that very day. My SIL said,
"What's the matter with you, can't you carry a baby anymore!?"
If I wasn't feeling so sad and down, I would have reached through the phone and wrung her neck. I was in no mood for confrontation. Even an aunt that had miscarriages suggested I go and get checked out by a doctor,
"To make sure everything is working properly." - wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
While I realize that some people are not adept at consoling ppl, I was totally shocked to think that someone would even think those kinds of comments would be appropriate.
While I take great solace in knowing that my daughter will come, (she has been in my dreams for a long time) it makes it difficult to think that she is not here now, inside me. The emotion that hung heavy around me has lifted some and I am left with a gentle melancholy and a subtle peace.

There is a tiny spark of anticipation for TTC again. Though we have wanted a baby for along time, TTC was never a rigourously scheduled activity so it remains without pressure. I bought this months issue of Mothering b/c a friend said there was an article on miscariage. It was a good article and I really liked the story about the "Spirit Child", it kinda resonated for me.

Do any of you that have recently miscarried feel ready to try again? Are you doing anything special to prepare your body, mind and soul for another pregnancy, whether its now or much later? Just wondering...

Thanks for listening - N


----------



## Mommy StormRaven (Jan 21, 2002)

WE said goodbye to our little Eva by wishing her well and asking for her blessing that we have a child within my womb again soon. We sent off balloons fromt he highest point in a local park Monday night and remembered her for the joy that she brougth to us so breifly. Even now, so soon after she has left us I can see our son (I always knew DH & I's second would be a son) lookign down at me with smiles and laughter and sort of a "you couldnt' ahve jsut waited a few more months couls ya mom?" look on his face. I think that this spirit that stepped in to take Max's place knew he wasnt' ready for us yet so she came to help us learn something, and maybe learn something herself.

I take a great deal of solace from thos things and smile knowing that one day soon I'll be PG again and this time, it will stick. I think that you will too. It is hard for us to accept that our children aren't ready for us yet when we are more than ready for them.

Peace be with you...


----------

