# I really want to change my sleeping arrangement.. tired of nursing so much at night!



## loving-my-babies (Apr 2, 2004)

My son is 13 months and nurses A LOT at night. He gets most of his nursing from cosleeping. During the day, he might nurse 3-4 times minimum, sometimes 6-9 times, but they are usually short nursings. And at night, our arrangement is: I nurse him to sleep, put him down, he wakes up every 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours, I nurse him again and again until I'm ready to go to bed with dh, then I go into bed and attach him to my breast (he knows when I go into bed, it's like he senses my every move! lol) and from then on, I can sleep through the nursings but I *know* I nurse at least 10 times a night, turning side by side, because I don't want to be engorged so I must turn each time. After 13 months, it's wearing me out. I was happy to do this for these 13 months, and I wouldn't change a thing, but I'm so tired, and keep hearing that my friends are sleeping 7-8 hours, having their bed all to themselves, with their husbands, and I can't say that doesn't sound appealing to me. It really does! We have slept with a child in our bed for 4 years now, my daughter left our family bed at age 3 when our son was born, and she now happily sleeps through the night in her own bed, in her own room. I wanted to do the same thing with ds, and I know I could, but I guess it's just tempting, to think how wonderful would be if I could sleep all night without nursing and to do it now! Sometimes I get angry at myself, because he's 13 months and I know it's not going to get better than this, I know he's going to nurse as much as I let him, which is fine, but then again, I really would like a little space for me. I have not slept through the night (without waking every hour) for nearly 4 years!!!!!! Is there anything I can do? am I being selfish?? It upsets me because I get angry at myself, and yesterday dh had ds and he came to hand him over to me, for me to nurse him to sleep (after I tried for 30 minutes without success) and I asked dh if he could put him to sleep, I'm just so tired of nursing him to sleep every single night! dh said "YOU wanted this to be this way, so now you can change it from one minute to another and have me put him to sleep when you know I don't have breasts and it'll take me much longer"







: ok, I get it.. I wanted this to be this way, but why is it not ok for me to feel tired of this arrangement and re-arrange it???

anyone??


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## Kokomom (Jan 21, 2004)

Hi-
Big Hugs!!!
Have been there and am still there depending on the night.
You ARE NOT selfish to want to sleep longer-no way!
My DD is almost 15 mo and Saturday night I slept no longer than 40 minutes a time.







Last night was great-2-3 hours at a time.
There is hope!!
Things I have done really come out of the book No cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. if you have not read it, I do recommend it. Also recommend an article by Dr. Jay Gorden" Changing the Family sleep pattern" (or close to that) type in his name on a search to find that. Especially for co-sleepers, I think. Very good article if you are considering night-weaning at all-no offense if you are not for mama led weaning.
Anyway....
have you tried putting DH between you two?
wearing two shirts to bed?
Keeping more distance between you?(non-touching) (this works for my DD the first half of the night)
De-latching your DS when he is asleep and only flutter nursing?
letting him try to seetle himself back to sleep before offering to nurse? (big one for us-helped cut down on nursing when I realized she could settle herself back down half the time...after a bit of noise making, grunts -not crying)
These work for us at various times.

The book is really really helpful!

Is your son teething?? My DD is, kinda on and off. Molars I think. Makes a difference in how much she nurses at night. Also it helped to make sure that I nursed more/longer during the day by nursing in one place in the house when possible with little distraction. The other thing that sometimes helps us is to feed her more at supper.

Can you take naps when he does? Do it if you can. It will make the nights easier. (i do it occasionally, wish I could more often!).

Also, talk with DH during the day about how tired you are at night. Some of our biggest fights are when we are both anxious over the nighttime routine and take it out on one another. He may be much more approachable about walking DS to sleep if you talk about it away from bed time. I hope he comes around and helps. My DH finally did and now most nights puts her to sleep by singing and walking her, its his special time with her. Sometimes she crys for few minutes in his arms but usually settles in and listens then drops off. Maybe not the "perfect" solution, but hey it works for us know.

I hope sharing my expereince is a a little helpful to you. Hang in There!!!
I am sure you will get more responses and suggestions soo...this is a great board!
Hugs again-


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## Cian'sMama (Jan 28, 2005)

I'm sorry you are feeling so exasperated.
Ds has slept in his own bed on the floor in his room since 6mos.. At about 10 months I would nurse him to sleep, then be back almost every hour to nurse him. When dh and i would go to sleep in our bed, as soon as ds woke, i'd go to his room and sleep with him for the rest of the nite. It made no sense for me to go to my bed after he'd fall alseep, b/c he'd be up to nurse again in an hour, if that. I went thru many emotions, too. Anger, sadness, argued with dh a lot...This is all sooo tiring. I feel for you.
The good news here is that ds began sleeping thru the nite, with one waking at 3 am to nurse, at about 12 mos. (just recently). We keep him on a schedule and practice a pretty specific nitetime ritual. Also, as pp mentioned, ds had begun eating a great deal more solid food at dinnertime.
But, of course, there are the nights when he wakes many times. I chalk it up to developmental milestones, and as pp said, maybe teething.
So remember that even if you are in seperate beds, you may not get the sleep you hope for. There are times when ds will need you all nite.
Do what you need to, and don't feel selfish for it. Babies needs our constant attention and endless love, but they also need parents who are healthy and happy-and somewhat rested!
Good luck, and, hopefully, sweet dreams.


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## loving-my-babies (Apr 2, 2004)

Quote:

have you tried putting DH between you two?
yes, and it doesn't work







he wakes up crying. If he doesn't see me, or I don't offer the breast as soon as he wakes, he cries.

Quote:

wearing two shirts to bed?
oh, lol, this is funny. I am a cold person (not sentimentally, lol, but physically) so I sleep with at least a t-shirt AND a sweatshirt. He STILL smells me!! I'm tellin' ya, this kid can smell me a mile away!









Quote:

Keeping more distance between you?(non-touching) (this works for my DD the first half of the night)
he cries!!

Quote:

De-latching your DS when he is asleep and only flutter nursing?
we haven't tried this, but I have a feeling I will need to get him out of our bed to attempt this. If I'm close by he won't let me.

Quote:

letting him try to seetle himself back to sleep before offering to nurse? (big one for us-helped cut down on nursing when I realized she could settle herself back down half the time...after a bit of noise making, grunts -not crying)
I've tried. He begins making noises but it always leads to opening his eyes and a big scream that says "HEY YOU, LADY, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYIN' TO DO AND IT'S NOT WORKIN'!! BRINGING ME THE BOO-BAHS!!" LOL


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## loving-my-babies (Apr 2, 2004)

oh, and I forgot to add.. I have read dr. Jay's nightweaning technique, I find it great and I might try that. The thing is, this week we are moving to a new house, so there will be a lot of changes going on. I think I might have to wait a month or two until we're settled into the new house, I don't want to shock him with too many things at night. I also read NCSS but when ds was a newborn, so I might have to read it again


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## Kokomom (Jan 21, 2004)

It sounds like you are know alot of what to do







now if DS would only cooperate, right








I have reread NCSS so many times, but I do pick up new things as they apply.
Moving will be an adjustment, so you are right to wait a bit to do the gorden nighttime routine. I realy want to do it too but am waiting for DH to have a bit more flex schedule to help and for DD to settle down a bit--at least a few nites in row.

Wish I had more suggestions for you! And I hope DH gets involved soon too.
Hope its a better night!


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## mezzaluna (Jun 8, 2004)

if this works with your anatomy... can you nurse him from both breasts without turning over? i can roll towards my DS a bit and nurse him from the top breast in the side-lying position - i find i don't fall back asleep in that position - but it does wake me up less than hoisting him up and over to the other side of me.


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## faerygirl36 (Mar 30, 2005)

My son is eleven months old. He goes to bed in his crib around 7:30pm. He sleeps until about 11:30pm at which time I nurse him and put him back into his crib. By 1:30am he's awake again at which time he joins me in my bed. We sleep together until the morning, around 7:00am. During the night he wakes to nurse at least three times. My other two boys were sleeping 12 hours through the night in their own beds by eight months of age. I don't know why I'm still co-sleeping with my baby, but it works for us.


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## Black Orchid (Mar 28, 2005)

If you have a crib, you could try side-carring it to the bed. That way you each have your own space, but are still close enough to be cosleeping. Some babies begin to sleep longer.

Also, have you considered a mattress on the floor for your DS? You could lie down and nurse him to sleep there and he'd be in his "own" bed and it would make for a easier transition to his own room eventually. You might find that he sleeps longer stretches that way, too.

IME, the NCSS and Dr Jay are not completely "No cry". For many toddlers, there is crying involved in any change to the routine that they are used to. Now there is no alone crying, but there is crying. But all kids are different and my experience might not be the same as yours.


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## AugustineM (Mar 21, 2005)

I've been thinking about this issue lately. My DS is only 6 1/2 months old, but I can see the possibility of wearing out from all night nursing. I've considered a few different things, such as putting a mattress on our floor, then moving it to his room. I do love sleeping with him, but it is very tiring sometimes, so I can relate!

My only idea: I have a good friend with two children and she cosleeps with both. When her youngest was about 1 1/2 she was so tired because of his night nursing, she knew she had to make a change. She decided she wanted to keep him in their bed, but not nurse at night. So, she took a time when DH would be rested and home more, and decided to quit nursing at night. When he woke up, asking for milk, she would not nurse him. She hugged him and sang to him and cuddled, and gave him a soft blanket. It was a rough few nights, she said, and he did protest, but it wasn't as bad as she thought. Now it's OK, and she doesn't nurse him at night anymore. I know it probably won't work for every baby, but at least it's a story of someone who made it work!


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

Carmen, your post describes all I was thinking and feeling the last few nights...except my ds is just shy of 10 months. I feel I have tried *everything* and my ds also doesn't "fuss" or "grunt," he cries, so there is no "settling himself" other than CIO. I don't know what to do either, except in my case I hold out hope that once he crawls or walks he'll be "tired enough" to sleep for real. He slept better as a newborn than he does now! All I can think to explain it is he is a very alert, active person with waaaay too much energy, and has great difficulty being alone right now, or slowing down enough to rest. Much of this stuff is temperament; our dd slept through the night from day one with almost no effort on our part, though she did have some nightwaking around this age. But I wasn't burnt out by then, as I am now. We had no schedule with her and routines only came into the picture when she was two years old or so. Conversely, routines don't seem to have any effect on this one either.

I am *really* tired of nursing so much at night as well but a point comes at which I am so sleepy it is simply easier to nurse him- but I wake up upset at not being able to move in my own bed; he wants to be latched on all night. The pediatrician recommended a modified CIO type thing as soon as this bout of teething is over, and this baby does sound like Dr Spock's description of the chronically sleep deprived (contrary to popular belief the *only* time he recommends any kind of CIO). I don't even want to nightwean, necessarily- I just want the three or four hour stretches that are driving *other* people insane by now! That seems really long to me!


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## Mama Rana (Aug 18, 2004)

Carmen, Elizabeth, I'm with you. My ds is almost a year old now and he still nurses every hour or two at night. He starts out in his crib (in his own room, our room is too smal to sidecar). He'll sleep there a couple hours then come to bed with us. Then the nursing marathon begins. When he finally falls asleep and unlatches, I am afraid to move cuz he's such a light sleeper, but I need to curl up to sleep. Sometimes I think he wakes so much cuz he's cold so I try to make him warmer. Sometimes I think it's teething so I give him hyland's teething tabs and/or a little tylenol. Sometimes I think he's just not getting enough to eat during the day, or not enough activity, so I try to fix that, but he still nurses so often. If i or my dh try to comfort him back to sleep he screams like it's the end of the world. It's so frustrating to be so needed, though i know there will be a day i miss it. I just wish he'd sleep more restfully and in longer stretches. yk, 3 hours, maybe 4. *sigh*


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## LorrieJ (Jul 29, 2004)

I hear ya momma. I have the same problem and dd is almost 2yo. I know I am doing a great thing for her but now she is beginning to seem very tired in the daytime. I might try the mattress on the floor option soon. She also screams bloodcurdling screams if we try to comfort her in any other way than the boob and I usually give in within 15 minutes after trying everything else. I just thought she would be happier if she got a better nights sleep. Great to see I am not the only one. Sorry, but it makes me feel better and not so alone.


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## faerygirl36 (Mar 30, 2005)

I am so tired of the night time feedings. Today I put DS down for his nap awake and I'll do the same this afternoon and at bedtime. I will nurse him around 11pm when he usually wakes up to nurse, but after that I will let him cry it out. I know it's cruel, especially since we've been co-sleeping since birth, but he's so cranky during the day, I know he'd like 12 hours straight sleep, too.

Wish me luck!


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## mommymoose (May 29, 2004)

Quote







I will nurse him around 11pm when he usually wakes up to nurse, but after that I will let him cry it out. I know it's cruel, especially since we've been co-sleeping since birth, but he's so cranky during the day, I know he'd like 12 hours straight sleep, too.

Wish me luck!)

Sorry, but i can not wish you luck when you are trying to CIO.... I too am in a very similar situation as many here, and my DS has taken to being up for an hour from 3-4 lately, not sure why, but obviously something's up... Anyway, Think twice about all of the effects your nighttime parenting has on your days... and remember that your baby will not be doing this when he's in college!!
ALthough i am pretty tired myself these days, I have to admit, i'll miss this when its gone... they only stay little for so long....


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## MamaE (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kochh2*
 Anyway, Think twice about all of the effects your nighttime parenting has on your days... and remember that your baby will not be doing this when he's in college!!
ALthough i am pretty tired myself these days, I have to admit, i'll miss this when its gone... they only stay little for so long....




I have to say, I agree with this. I am currently night-nursing a 24 month old for what seems like all night long sometimes. It's tiring, and I have been envious many times over of those who have their babies sleeping through the night. But, what always stops me is that I am NOT envious of the process it takes to get a baby or toddler sleeping through the night. I personally do not believe it is worth sacrificing the deep attachment and all the trust you have been working so hard to build all these months. I trust my dd to know what she needs and I believe that now, she needs me (well, my boobs anyway) and yep, she needs them all night long. When she's ready, she'll give them up and start sleeping through the night.

I can imagine you are ready to have your bed to yourself - you must be exhausted with 2 underfoot and an avid nightnurser to boot, but I think that you're doing your son a tremendous service by providing him the same comfort you provided to your dd - and I am sure you can look at her for an example of exactly why you chose "this way," as your dh puts it. I say, hang in there. It's normal to have periods of resentment. I've resented it many times, but I don't think the Sears statement "if you resent it, change it" should be taken too literally. It's normal to resent it sometimes, and then we all get a reality check and realize that as the adults, we're the ones who have to do the compromising because we CAN and they can't.

Good luck!


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

Well, I had to do something. I was really going to lose it- thinking my milk was gone, or I should wean him, or anything, just anything to make him stop nursing all night long. He *is* having a growth spurt, and his fourth tooth *did* just come in, and he *has* got a bit of a cold, but the past sleepless months do not make me feel good about these regressions. With my dd I was rested enough in general that I could even enjoy the milestone- or illness-related bouts of nightwaking. But two nights in a row I did not sleep at all. I couldn't stand nursing him anymore but then I would and I would hate every second. So that's not good either.

Yesterday I napped with him for three hours (with nursing intervals







) and felt marginally better. When he went to bed, after a big dinner (in addition to helpings of our food I mixed organic formula with rice cereal and he ate it all) and a hot bath with me, I picked him up and walked with him whenever he woke. I also decided to see if he needs to sleep in his own room. Dh had already said he had to sleep in our spare room- he had to work all these days and needs rest. So I started the night with him, but when I got up did not go back and risk interrupting his sleep. I do plan to return to a different room after every nightwaking one night this week and see if that will help.

What I ended up doing was nursing one more time at 1:30 am, when I was still up, and then said to myself, ok, I am not nursing him again for five hours. Not til 6:30. He woke at 3, and at 5, and I rocked him or rubbed him back to sleep. At around 7 he woke again and I nursed him in my bed; we then got up at 8:30. To be fair, he is cranky and doesn't seem himself, so he has a cold or something, but even two-hour stretches of sleep *alone* in my bed were wonderful.

I believe in cosleeping and enjoyed it with dd when she wasn't in her crib- but she slept. It was for my enjoyment and convenience to have her in bed with me for the latter half of the night, and she didn't nurse all night long except these rare instances. This child seems to get less rest when he is with me, or even in the same room.







I was going to do everything "right" this time (didn't even get a crib til he outgrew the cosleeper at 5 months) but have to accept that "right" for this baby is something really different! And I am so tired, I don't much care what that is!


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

Oh, the other thing I am trying is limiting caffeine. This is hard when one is so damned tired, and I don't think I really drink enough to have an effect, but I'll try it. I'm not having any after 2 or 3 pm, and will see if this helps at all.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:

This child seems to get less rest when he is with me, or even in the same room. I was going to do everything "right" this time (didn't even get a crib til he outgrew the cosleeper at 5 months) but have to accept that "right" for this baby is something really different! And I am so tired, I don't much care what that is!
This was me to a T with my last baby. In fact, I DID cosleep with him/nurse him longer than his older sister. I'm really proud of that. But those last 3 or 4 months were very difficult. Not only was dh getting frustrated with having a wiggly, kicking toddler in bed, but I was too. I was the walking dead much of the time. I got opportunities for naps now and again, but not enough to count on. And there is a difference between night time sleep and day time naps.

Just like there are all kinds of children, there are all kinds of women. Some women can manage to be stable and kind to their children even when sleep deprived. Some women do very poorly without good sleep. Especially women with mood disorders or ppd. Please don't under estimate how important it is for mom to get enough sleep.

Also, there is a huge difference between a newborn, a three m.o. and a 13 m.o. Your 13 m.o. is better equipped to handle this transition than before.

I have NO advice on how to get your child sleeping through the night in his own bed without CIO. I tried CIO once even though I knew better, and hated it and never did it again. I DID get a lot of support from dh, though. He'd be the one to dance ds to sleep at night so ds didn't get in the habit of nursing to sleep. He'd get up with ds probably 3 times out of 7. It was a rough transition, but eventually ds was simply sleeping longer and longer in his own bed. Tell your dh that situations change and your origional plan is no longer appropriate. Ask him to help out more at night.

[Donning flame suit] You have my permission to take care of yourself and stop night nursing and co sleeping. It'll be rough for a while, but worth it.


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## WriterMama (Mar 27, 2002)

I used Jay Gordon's method (modified for us) with both kids. Ds was 20 mths when I did it and dd was 18 mths. I personally don't think it's a good idea to try to nightwean AND end cosleeping at the same time. I think it's too big of an adjustment for a baby or toddler.

A couple things that helped us succeed:

1. I nursed and offered food all day during the day to make sure my kids were good and full and not trying to make up calories at night.

2. I had a sippy cup of water by the bed to offer when my kids woke up. Ds always took it, dd never would. Go figure.

3. I wore non-access clothes to bed, lol.

4. I really worked on the whole, "We nurse when the sun comes up, but we sleep when it's dark." Can't remember what my little mantra was, but it was short and sweet and repeated regularly during the night and day. When 6am came around and my kids would wake up, I would make a big deal about how, "Look! The sun's out. We can nurse now! Yay!"

5. Ds was the hardest to nightwean. He was very upset, but I held him and loved him and consoled him. I walked him around if needed. I offered a drink of water when he woke. It took him 5-6 days to realize that I really wasn't offering the breast any more at night. He still woke a few times a night for several more weeks, but it was always just for a cuddle or a drink. Dd, otoh, was a breeze. She would fuss for a second, then turn over realizing it just wasn't worth it to fight for her "nur-nur."

I have to say that I thought about nightweaning ds for a few months before I actually did it. You have to prepare to not get any sleep for the few nights it takes. But, I was 6 mths pg with dd when I nightweaned ds, and I was 3 mths pg with this baby when I nightweaned dd. My own exhaustion and excruciatingly sore pg breasts were the motivation I needed.

And I have to say, with ds in particular, he really *was* suffering from lack of sleep by nursing all night. I know that cosleeping is wonderful and important, but I think in some children, the waking can become habitual and unhealthy if it's truly interfering with their sleep. After my ds nightweaned, he became a different kid--happy, content, energetic. His 45 minute daily catnip became a solid 2-2 1/2 hour nap with no effort. He slept from 7-7 without a hitch. He really needed more sleep. Dd still wakes a few times a night, but her naps have also increased in length. I still think she could use a little more sleep, though, so I'm looking into black out shades for our room.

I hope you find a good solution. Here's Dr. Gordon's article if you're interested: http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm

ETA: We transitioned ds to his own bed about 3-4 months after he nightweaned. It was really easy, I think, because he was only making one change. He sometimes came into our room, but we put a blanket and pillow down for him which worked well.

We have transitioned dd to her bed, too, but she comes in to our room every night. We just got a king-sized bed, though, so it doesn't bother us







Pretty soon, I'm going to have to encourage her to lie on a pillow and blanket so I have room to sleep with the new baby. But for now, I'm just going with the flow.


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

Wow, I'm glad to find this thread! I was needing some encouragement. Lily doesn't wake up as often as every hour on a regular basis... She has segments of sleep that are very restless, nursing non-stop, rolling around, can't get comfy, etc. She's almost 15m (WOW!!!!), and we are going through major transitions w/ a move (actually 3 moves in 4 months, but who's counting?!). So it seems every day is a new adventure and there's no "normal" for us right now. Makes nighttimes hard. So don't discount the transitions that are happening around you (or about to happen). Children are so attune to our moods, it's amazing.

Also, just wanted to say that Lily does sleep longer stretches w/o me, I think. She senses somehow when I come in the room at night and always has. I've always nursed her to sleep, put her in her bed (pack n play) in our room and then go to bed a few hours later. Never fails that she wakes up as soon as I fall asleep, no matter what time it is relative to when she fell asleep (went to sleep at 8, I come to bed at 11; or she goes to bed at 11, I come in at 12, etc.). Once we get settled here, I'm going to try to do the "nurse back to sleep and then put you in your own bed" deal. But I love co-sleeping! I just want to cut back the nursing marathons! And I'd love for her to sleep w/ dh--that would be awesome. And I hope maybe in a year or so to let her in ds sleep together. I think they'd both like that.

I skimmed and read NCSS a couple months back and it was SOOOOO incredibly in encouraging and helpful!!!! I need to buy it so I can really put into practice the ideas and tips.

One of her big things (E. Pantley) is that the daytime nap is *crucial* to good sleep at night. She suggested doing everything possible to have a good nap during the day and then at night is when to try the techniques. Anyway it is great to read the "success stories" from parents using very gentle and deliberate "techniques" (really just various mothers' instincts and ideas put in a book!). But it won't be an overnight success story, most likely. It's a change that can take a while, but worth the effort and much more effective and "healthy" than CIO.

I'm totally rambling.... I'm off to try to go back to bed w/o waking Lily... (my boobies need a break!). I know I'll miss this in a few years. I try to remember that whenever I'm having a bad night.


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

Well, two nights in a row I have started in the spare room with dh, but I get anxious having two doors between me and baby (across the hall, and I have a monitor-it is irrational







) and have gone back to our own bed by 1 am, when he wakes (probably because I'm there) and I nurse him one last time. Then I have said ok no matter how tired I get I am not bringing him in bed (he will only want to nurse if he's in my bed) and not nursing until 6 am. He has woken a few times, but goes back to sleep quickly, and at 6 this morning when he woke, I was actually pleased to get him and nurse him and bring him in my bed!!!

How nice to be pleased again to have a nightnursing in bed!

So, even if he wakes frequently I am finding the break for the boobies helps tremendously, as well as having some time in my bed without a baby. And in just two nights his wakings have already become more regular.

Other things I am trying:

naps- these were ok, at good times, though not very long. I am trying to keep them more or less on "schedule" or at least make sure he gets that much sleep during the day.

daytime nursing- i am trying to nurse him every two hours as well as give him three meals a day. He hasn't been eating a whole lot of solids but I am trying to keep him full, and a regular routine to the day as well as the night.

dinner, bath, nursing, bed- routines don't seem to help him yet but i hope that over time the signals will be set. I like a routine and early bedtime for the 2-5yo set, so we'll just get that set in motion early!









It feels so much better to be *doing* something about it, I can't tell you. And even though I was interrupted no more or less than usual, I feel better-rested and refreshed. For me, the committment to a break from nursing has made such a difference I could run laughing through the street. (Now you know how sleep deprived I am!!) I think *I* slept better in those hour- or two stretches because I wasn't contorted uncomfortably around a squirmy nursling.

Thanks to the member who posted the jay Gordon article. I had read it before but a refresher helped. It was good also to hear that he doesn't recommend much in the way of sleep-scheduling with those under one year; this will help me stay in perspective about my 10 month old. But my son is big, fat, strong and happy, and I think he will truly benefit from longer sleep on his own as well. I *loved* Dr Gordon's line about better-rested parents take their babies to the park more- so we are going to the park today!


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

yea!! What an improvement in your well-being! Seems like things are going well, avoiding CIO, ds is taking to night-weaning well--hooray! Just wanted to say I'm excited for you! Having a bed to yourself for a couple hours can be heaven. I'm heading to bed, where I'm sure Lily will wake up as soon as I fall asleep. I should just skip the trip and bring her to bed when I go, but I keep hoping one night she'll forget I'm there or something! Fat chance!! Maybe I'll nurse her before hitting the pillow, put her back in her bed and see what happens...hmmm... I know I'll miss our co-sleeping days sometime down the line. But as I told MIL today, I'm sure she'll be still nursing till high school, so I think I'll be doing this forever!







And that's ok too!!










Thanks for sharing your experiences LizD!


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## mama magnolia (Dec 29, 2004)

We've been considering really trying the Dr. Jay method to help us all get some longer stretches of sleep. My DS will be 13 months old next week, and we co-sleep in a king size bed. We actually have tried to implement the "plan" a couple of times and failed miserably, e.g. gave up after 1 night b/c as I'm sure many of you know, when you are so tired that you begin to actively change sleep patterns, it is incredibly difficult to see it through, and I end up putting my ds on the boob just to get some immediate relief.

However I have a renewed sense of motivation...and I want to try again w/some modification to make it more achievable and that brings me to my question...for anyone who has used the Dr. Jay method, - having used it do you have a sense for just how "critical" it is to do the part where you put your child down to sleep/pull off nurse while they are still awake - as opposed to just basically following all the other steps, lessening the contact till child is nightweaned? WriterMama, you mentioned that you did a modified Dr. Jay - did you do the put baby down awake - or (for the first nights) pull baby off the boob before they are totally alseep thing?

I ask b/c I think we can handle parenting ds back to sleep w/out the boob till he gets used to that (and my hope is that once he is - he'll stop waking so frequently) - but our main way for example is to put him in the sling till he sleeps - he'll take to that, but if we try to put him down before he is really out, he'll immediately scream and cry. Dr. Jay indicates that that is a critical step though, so I am worried that if we don't go full monty then we're just going to drag this out & it won't work etc.

Anyone w/experience w/this or successful nightweaning stories in general - your words would be greatly appreciated!

- Carrie,
Mama to Lucas


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

Sounds like a tough situation, Carrie. I can't offer any btdt advice, but I do feel for ya! I think this is a slow process for most children, esp. the night weaning. Well, it's slow if you try to go at the child's pace, do it gently, etc. I think you have to find the balance and tricks that will work for your family. Just b/c Dr. Gordon say to do it a certain way doesn't make it the only way or the "right" way. It's just a method. I am reading through "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by E. Pantley, and I feel like I'm recommending it all the time b/c it's just an awesome resource. Great ideas and tips, very practical. But not an over-night success story.

Good luck, and I hope you get some better answers. I'm sure you can post this as your own topic and get better feedback.


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## Tangle (Mar 3, 2005)

I'm so tired as I read these posts that I'm not sure I can write. My DD is only 8 months, but I'm going crazy without sleep and need to do something!! We read the NCSS and it felt like we were making a bit of progress on things.. then she figured it all out. Now everytime I pull my nipple out of DD's mouth she starts to cry. She won't let me rub her back, pat her or anything else that has worked in the past.

In addition, this new need to nurse non-stop has moved into her naps. She previously would nurse to sleep in 10 minutes or so and we could transfer her to her crib for naps. She was a great napper (1-2 hours 2 or 3 times per day). Now she cries when we stop nursing, misses half her naps, wakes when we transfer.... As I write this my DH is asleep on the bed with her. We put her down at 9:30 am for her nap. She nursed down (30+minutes) and woke during transfer. We let her warble in the crib for a bit, then got her up. We tried again at 11. Nursed, then dad hung out with her and tried a bottle of water, massage, etc. Nursed again and got her to sleep for about 3 minutes, dad tried again because I was starting to cry. Now its 1:00 and she is (FINALLY) taking her 9am nap.

Nights are the same lately. DH is helping more, but it doesn't seem to matter. We are both brain-dead.

I enjoy co-sleeping and nursing my sweet baby and I realize this could be just a phase (teething, trying to crawl, mommy recently started working part-time)- but I am starting to resent her, my body hurts and I think I am starting to become depressed.

Okay- now I am rambling too. It is good to find mommies who are struggling with this and are supportive. I never thought I would miss my college days- late night studying and early classes plus work often resulted in 4-6 hours of sleep a night.... who knew that was to be missed!! :LOL

Sleep be with you all!!!!

T


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