# Done having babies? How do you know?



## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Just wondering. I watched my 11 month-old godson the other night. He's a sweet little guy (when he's not crying) but as I held me, it dawned on me I am done having kids. It feels kind of sad but I am quite happy with the family I have now. Plus, dh and I are getting older, to the point where we don't want to go through those babyhood years again. Anyone else out there who's come to that conclusion? How did/do/would you really know?

~peace


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## royaloakmi (Mar 2, 2005)

I had twins; they are only two years old and I KNOW I am done.

My kids are awesome, but I could not possibly go through what I have gone through in the past two years again (especially the sleep deprivation), or another pregnancy for that matter. I think I have postraumatic stress syndrome or something (LOL!); seeing babies gives me the jeebies!


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## frowningfrog (Aug 25, 2005)

For me when I had my 1st child 9 yrs ago I was only 22, and I said am I never having any more kids. well the older I got the more it seamed so. It didnt work out with her dad and I hadnt found anyone worth settling down for. Well When I turned 29 I became pregnant. Totally unplanned. And I love her to peices.
Now after 2 children 8 yrs apart and now im my 30s I know for sure no more children. I do not want to be running after another child. Besides SO is 47...I dont thnk he could handle another one ...lol...


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

How did/do/would you really know?
Well, we joke that only DP *has* to be done having children (he's had the "big snip") but I just don't want to go through pregnancy again.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

For me when I got pg w/ ds i wasnt 100% sure that would be it even tho i thought it prolly would be. If ds had been a girl I prolly would have tryed 1 more time. I love being pg and if I could I would stay that way. But it was very draining on my body and emotional state. The main reason is just a feeling of completeness now 1 of each balanced. My dh got the big snip when xander was 3mo. I honestly will miss being pg for the rest of my life but I know it is for the best that I will not be having any more kids. My patience is stretched to the limit with the 2 I have.


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## kennedy444 (Aug 2, 2002)

I had two great kids but as they got older -- and I got older -- I still had that feel that I wanted just one more. My husband wasn't as sure but since he was waffling we went ahead. #3 was born when other kids were 10.5 and 8. I was one month shy of 40 when she was born.

I am SO HAPPY with this decision. Each day of her one year has been just great for me. Dh grumbles that he feels old but since I really do all the caregiving I pretty much ignore any of his grumblings. The older kids just LOVE her to pieces. All in all, a great decision.

My one regret is that #3 will not have that built in playmate that #1 and 2 have in each other. But I am sure that there will be no #4. Now that I am 41 I can't say that I would want to do the toddler years again with a baby too.

I am happy with how things are now.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Dh and I always wanted a big family-- 3 or 4 kids. After our third was born life was really busy and it was hard to imagine adding another to our family. I debated having a fourth, but decided three was enough. When my kids were 12, 10 and 7 number four decided she had to be born







I wouldn't have planned it this way, but it has been so great for our family. The whole family is crazy about little Evie. But, now I really know I'm done. The thought of pregnancy strikes fear into the core of my being.


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## sevenkids (Dec 16, 2002)

I knew I was done when I could hold other people's babies and not get that achy, broody longing to hold my own.


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

I knew I was done 10 years ago. We had a girl and a boy within 27 months, everything was fine and I just FELT done.

I babysat my niece and 6 month old nephew a few years ago at Christmastime and have e-mails friends threw back at me about how I knew I was done having babies, he was driving me batty,etc.....







Guess who ended up pregnant 6 months later?









I wouldn't trade him for the world, but it took alot to swing back into babydom after being "done". I am most definately DONE now (tubes have been removed).


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## josie143 (Dec 1, 2004)

I HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN AGES 17,10,9,8,4,3,AND 2 THEY ARE HANDFULLS BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH HAVING ANOTHER ONE I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE KIDS TO HAVE THEIR OWN AND I CAN HAND THEM THEIR BABIES AND KNOW IM GONNA GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP !!!!!!!!!!!


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

DH got the big V, that's how I know







I think for us, we don't think it's right for us to have more than 2 children.


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## Butterflymagic (Sep 25, 2005)

Well when I had my first daughter at 21years old 1977, I didn't want anymore, and as my life went through different stages,marriage fell apart,etc.,I still didn't want anymore children(and I love children),well I met my dh on a blind date and that changed my thoughts. He had never been married before,so I wanted him to at least have one child. Well I had my now 16 year old in 1988,at age 34,the thought of having another never entered my mine,till I realized that I was going to be 40,so told my dh if he wanted another child we had better hurry up ,I had my last child at age 39,she is 11 now. When I had my youngest my recovery took alot longer than the other two,so I knew my time to have children was over,although my doctor thought other wise.


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## art4babies (Mar 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamthesmilingone*
How did/do/would you really know?

Menopause.









Actually, I thought I was done about 14 years ago, but then I met my (now) husband several years ago who wanted another. We agreed we would have one. She was born 3 months early and it was touch and go. We would never want to go through something like that again. Besides, we are financially stable with me not having to work, but one more (kid) and we might not be...


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## dukeswalker (Feb 1, 2003)

After my 2nd I KNEW within weeks of her being born that there was another baby who was meant to be mine....DH wasn't too sure, but apparently he didn't communicate to his lil' buddies - bacease after much debate dd#3 surprised us both! I expected to have that same "oh, I can't wait to do this again" feeling - but I didn't. My family felt - and feels - complete...I was just something I *felt*....Plus DH KNEW he didn't want anymore surprises - so that helped make the decision for him to get snipped miuch easier...


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

I'm not mamabear. I'm her sis. She used my puter and now I'm unable to reg for myself but love the site. Sorry UM! Their reg will be back in a few days. Hope you don't mind.
When are we done? Still not sure, twin boys







: in 89 and single girl








in 93. Hubby's been wanting more. Thought a puppy in 2001 would work but hasn't. He goes gaga for all the babes in stores, church, everywhere. Even holds friends infants. Had 2 endometrial ablations in 98 & 99 but doc feels I could get preg again. dh is 43 and I'm 42, we're approaching college and someday, hopefully not too soon, grandchildren. I do wish I had more back when I wasn't







But, dear angel cub nieces














and nephew cub







are my babies.


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## tweetyznan (Aug 10, 2005)

I a done on oh so many levels. I had a tubaligation when my dd was 3 . I had a hysterectomy in Sept.2004.So, I a way done. I love kids and babies but I don't have the pangs anymore. I will enjoy my grandkids if I have any .


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## KariM (Mar 13, 2004)

For me, I think I'll know when menopause hits.









I honestly want as many children as I can have and I suppose I'm lucky in that so far two are all I've managed to conceive.

I would love to have another (or two or three or...), but I'm just so elated to have had the opportunity to have these two.

--Kari


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## SabDoulaMommy (Dec 9, 2005)

I'm done! I'm weeks away from delivering #4, w/ 2 yo twin girls & a near 10 yo girl. I love being pregnant, giving birth, bf, babies, I don't even mind night wakings. I just HATE TODDLERS!!!! If I could farm out my kids from 19 mos to almost 3, I'd have more, but since there's no place to send 'em. . .I'm done. Although my dh is only 31, so I'm trying to convince him not to get snipped (what if something happened to me & he found someone else he fell in love with?).

You're right it is kinda sad to come to this ending. I hate making such a definitive decision, but I know I could not two the "terriffic twos" again & remain out of jail.







But there are other things to look forward to in life, even before grandchildren. . .


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'm probably done, but I haven't done anything permenant to ensure that.

My health isn't great- I'm having enough trouble caring for the 3 I already have, I can't imagine what I'd be like dealing with another pregnancy, much less caring for a toddler again.


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## bricorssk (Dec 11, 2005)

This was such a hard question for me, I had 3 kids in a row now, 11,9, and 8 but I never felt done and a dear friend told me whatever you do if you don't feel done don't make a permanent decision. So 7 years later DD came along and we are all so happy in the family. It is like we gave a gift to everyone. All of us adore her and we are so much more relaxed now then we were with 3 little kids running everywhere. So my advice is even if you are stressed now by younger ones but have just a thought of wanting another one don't do anything permanent. Wait awhile. BTW DH got the snip this past summer, I was still sad a little, more because I knew a stage in my life was over than wanting another baby.
Corina
SAHM to 4


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

This may sound funny, considering, but I am two days late. So if you know anyone who really does not want a visit from af, please, PLEASE let them know she is more than welcome at my house. I won't lock the door or anything. Heck, even though it is 10 degrees here, I'll leave a window open.
































TIA


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## tekslilbrat (Jan 17, 2006)

I knew when I got pg with #4 that I was done. I have my four:2







: and 2







: and my boyfriend has 3 sons. We are in a 3 bedroom house with all of them(My kids full time and his kids part-time) and it is plenty. I have a well rounded bunch so when the baby was a year old, I had my tubes tied.I do miss being pg, but really don't want to deal with overnight feedings and such. I am happy with my 4 who sleep all night and only having 1 that totally depends on me and even he is getting to be a very independent almost 2 year old. I'll wait for the grandkids in 10 years or so.


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

I think I'm one of the "I'll know when Menopause hits" crowd. I only have 2, dd is 16 and ds is 14. I had my reasons for wanting them young and I told myself that 35 would be the cut-off point, but when 35 rolled around I didn't feel done and wound up getting in a brief but unfortunate relationship that I am glad did NOT result in a child. That was my only relationship since xdh and I split when the kids were 2 and 5 and I am so done with heterosexual relationships, but there's always AI. I'm 41 so it would be medically improbable, but not medically impossible. I'm low-income, but I could always win the lottery....well, I never PLAY the lottery, but for all I know someone could accidentally drop the winning ticket in my front yard....































You get the point, anyway.


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## EricaLeigh (Apr 25, 2005)

I'm going through this right now! DD#1 is 8, & DD#2 is 2.5. I don't want to close that door yet! I'm 26 DH is 29, he is willing to have a vasectomy. Finances are super tight, but hopefull that won't always be the case! I really wanted 3, now i'm on the fence. I just want to know that it is an option! KWIM?


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## FitnessMom (Mar 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sevenkids*
I knew I was done when I could hold other people's babies and not get that achy, broody longing to hold my own.

I still get this way, so I KNOW I am not done yet. LOL

My 2 children are 10.5 years apart, 15 and 4.5, and I would LOVE to have one more. I am just getting my own business off the ground this year, so hopefully by this time next year, we will be able to finish our family. My youngest will be in grade one by that time. If we don't have another baby within the next 2 years, we are probably done--I will be 40 then.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I'm not done. I have my heart set on one more baby. I've wanted four for as long as I can remember. It took me ten years to get pregnant and keep a second one. Then, I had my precious ds2 six months ago. And, now, I want one more...my fourth. Then, I'd be done.

Unfortunately, I _am_ done, because dh doesn't want any more. I refuse to trick him or beat him over the head with this (although my resolve on the latter does slip sometimes). : I want my kids to have parents who want them. So...


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## kkiolbassa (Oct 14, 2003)

When I was pregnant this last time, I just knew I was done. I never felt that way during any of my other pregnancies. When I developed preeclampsia, that just sealed the deal for me. I had my tubes tied when my daughter was born (via emergency csection)


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## Verity (Aug 29, 2003)

I knew we were done when I was pregnant with my third. I was 39, and my age definitely had something to do with the decision, but I also knew I just wasn't cut out to be the mother of a big family. Being mother to three children can sometimes overwhelm me, and I knew that as much as I adore babies and toddlers, I just didn't need to be raising more children of my own.


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## CherylAnn (Aug 23, 2005)

It's such a funny thing. I KNEW I wasn't done after #2, but KNEW I was done after #3. I loved the whole experience of being pg, with all it's discomforts, and my home birth, and holding and caring for a baby, wearing them in the sling, snuggling all night with them. But, I NEVER, EVER want to be pg again. I would probably adopt a baby if I had the opportunity, but I'm not seeking it out, either. I do get that achy feeling when I see or hold a newborn, but it isn't a driving pain like it was when I was talking dh into #3. He was our only planned baby. But, I NEVER want to gain all that weight, have to worry over the birth, suffer through 6 weeks of getting flat nipples to pop out again...I loved every second of it before but I don't want it anymore. Someone told me that you just know when you're done. It was true for me.


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## PancakeGoddess (Oct 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kennedy444*

My one regret is that #3 will not have that built in playmate that #1 and 2 have in each other.

My kids are the same space as yours, and this above comment is the reason I'm 20 weeks pregnant







I'm 34, and although I'm not looking forward to baby and toddler together, my bigger kids are really helpful, so it's nothing like last time. I can understand your reasoning completely, though.

I have an uncle and BIL who were the younger of three boys with a big space, and both of them really had hard times with it. Since you have girls and boy, I bet it won't be that way - my sister and are 10 years apart and VERY close









It feels just right having two bigs and two littles (all boys, by the way), and it was fun hoping for a girl, anyway. We're definitely *finished* now.


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## abclan (Apr 18, 2005)

This has been a tough question for me. We have got three great kids and I am only thirty. I could see wanting a fourth in a few years but dh has already had his "BIG V". He was very clear about it while I was and still am unsure. But he is also 41. He justs knows he is done - not even interested in adoption. He just feels like we are stretched too thin. I am still not so clear and I don't know if I will ever be. When I mentioned this to my midwife she told, "Remember you don't just make babies, you can also catch 'em" (I am also her apprentice on a break). I just feel like I am bowing out when I am at the top of m game, yk? My indentity has been pregnant, homebirthing, nursing queen - I know I need to expand my self definition to be healthy. I figure we'll just feel our way year by year - my youngest is still nursing but turned on last month.

Wish I was as clear as some of you ladies


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## Galatea (Jun 28, 2004)

I have a very hard time with this question. I definitely do not feel done; nor does dh. We are still young (28 & 27). His parents had 5 boys spaced 3-4 years apart so MIL still has boys in high school and is a grandma! We definitely don't want that. Ds1 and ds2 are 18 months apart. So do we go for ds3 this summer and have another 18-24 mos. apart? Or wait and have 2 more close together in a few years? I dunno.

I worry that I will never have the done feeling. I'll be on child #15 and still not feel done. Does anyone know anyone who never felt done? What did they do?


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## jdedmom (Jul 11, 2006)

I'm going through this now too. I have three boys. Sometime I wonder if the next could be the girl. DH has had the paperwork filled out to get snipped, he says he's done, but I don't want to shut the door yet. In my head I'm done but my hearts not sure. Around 3-4 years I get amnesia and forget all the hard work babies are and want another. I must remember I do regret having the boys 5 and almost 4 years apart (planned) because now it's hard to do things as a family that everyone enjoys.

BTW if I tried for a girl my luck I'd end up with twin boys.


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## fierymyst (May 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamthesmilingone*
it dawned on me I am done having kids. It feels kind of sad but I am quite happy with the family I have now. Plus, dh and I are getting older, to the point where we don't want to go through those babyhood years again.
















:









I decided several years ago I was done, I love to look at a newborn, hold a baby and watch them grow but lord save me from having to do it again. I now go to restaurants and watch the other parents and then look at my own kids who aren't throwing food on the floor, who aren't crying cause they are bored... We travel with no baby equipment, not toys, no diaper bags... ahhhh its wonderful!! Though I do miss nursing, cuddling, and everything else....


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## littlest birds (Jul 18, 2004)

I am 30yo and have four children, our oldest 11yo and my youngest is almost four and almost weaned... Thank goodness well-beyond potty trained.

When the twins were born (in the middle) we knew we were not done.... After The youngest, we got a vasectomy as it seemed so sensible and I was never happy with birth control methods, and though it is crazy I think A LOT about having more children and maybe getting a V reversal. I think there may be something addictive about having babies and children, and they are each so special and beautiful it is unbelievable WOW to get to know them.

At the same time I am a professional artist feeling deep pangs for that part of my life that has been completely on hold. And we are homeschooling so I feel the years of my life committed as pretty formidable. One of our children has Asperger's and has been so high maintenance with no end really in sight. We don't have very much financial security either... So it probably won't happen. But maybe.


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## AprilDaisy (Jul 20, 2005)

We have two (11d and 8s) and after having the second... I really wasn't sure if I was done... We were so young (26-27) after the second one and we really didn't know if we were done. As the years have passed, we've decided we're done, lol. We'd know how cute babies were, yet we knew they grew up into children, lol. We joke about this all of the time, lol. We still would be happy with just what we have...yet neither of us are fixed...we simply use protection. We talked about it again the other day...who knows for us... I realy wouldn't want more kids...because I feel I'd have to "be on hold" again with a newborn... Right now I'm just starting to tell myself I could do my own thing aside from taking care of everyone else too, lol.








Blessings,
April
Intuitive Medium


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

It took me ten years to have my second baby, and I spent most of those years trying to come to terms with the apparent reality that my longed-for four children were going to end up being an only. Then, I had dd and ds2 two years apart. I still desperately want one more, but there has been a lot of emotional work involved...how much of it is that I don't want to give up on my dream family of four kids...how much is that I still want a vaginal birth...how much is just stubbornness...do I really have what it takes...etc., etc., etc...

DH wants to stop at three, so I'm probably done. But, I can't claim I'm coping with it very well.

ETA: I just realized I've already answered this thread - months ago. My answer has changed a little...maybe because the "3 or 4?" discussions around here haven't ended yet.


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## kdmama33 (Jun 20, 2006)

DS1 is 13, DS2 is 5, and DD is 2.5 and I'm just starting to feel comfortable in my role as mother. I want to say sure of myself, though that is not entirely true, as I don't know if that will ever happen. But just like I've found a groove, kwim? It's taken a long time, three kids, and some serious loathing of the toddler years to feel that I'm getting good at this gig, and I wouldn't do anything now to possibly mess that up. So I'm done having babies.

You know, thinking about it, if I could go on having babies, I'd never stop. I love being pregnant, and I love babies -- I miss the whole feeling of having my child just to myself, having him/her in the sling, breastfeeding when it's a peaceful exchange, even those quiet moments when I'm up with a babe at 2 a.m. and s/he gives me one of those fathomless other-world stares. Toddlers, on the other hand, make me want to jump from a 15th story window. As a PP mentioned, I never want to do the toddler thing again.

So I'm done. I just know I am.


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## eve143 (Jul 27, 2005)

My husband and I have a large family, 5 children.
Large families are frowned upon these days... My last 2 pregnancies I got comments like- This is your last one, right?- Wow, you're not having anymore are you? I enjoyed my pregnancies, they were special times and I felt special and my deliveries were all different but all experiences of mine. Personal, wonderful, experiences. I "feel" like I'm not finished, but then comon sense sneaks in and taps me on the shoulder. Hubby says who cares what other people think- on some level I guess I do, then I read posts like the one from the lady with 7 children and I don't feel so ?????(don't have a word for it).
Does this mean I'm gonna have 7 children? I don't know but in my heart I don't feel I'm done.
I used to answer these people with a "yes we're done" or "yes this is our last one" as if to assure them or make them feel better, now-just to get a reaction- I say "no, we're gonna have 2more"...


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## jet1295mamajenn (Jul 21, 2006)

Someone referred to the "I'll know when menopause hits" crowd. Guess that's me. Dh & I are Catholic and are letting God decide. That's been a tough thing to swallow sometimes, but not in the way you might think. We had a hard time conceiving #2. Our children are almost 8 years apart. Then we learned I was expecting again this April, but lost that baby to a ruptured ectopic. We have been devastated by the loss, and just hope that there are more babes in the future, hopefully sooner than another 5 years from now. There was a time when I easily saw us with 7 or 8. Given our ages now (32 and almost 33), I'm not sure the number will be that high. It would still be nice to end up with 4, 5 or 6 in the long run, but who knows what our future brings.

JET


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## eve143 (Jul 27, 2005)

Jut- I'll keep a good thought for ya! Refreshing to hear you'd enjoy a large family.


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## my4magpies (Mar 24, 2006)

After I had my second, I said I was done, but didn't do anything about it. I kept having this nagging feeling in the back of my mind...3 yrs later, I got preg with DD and few months later I told DH "well, if I get pregnant, it was meant to be..." Whan DD was 9 months old, I DID get preg (not trying). After him, I just KNEW! My sister just adopted a newborn and when I held her, I didn't get all warm and fuzzy inside. Don't get me wrong, I love the baby, I love holding her, but realized that the feeling I was having confirmed that I PERSONALLY do not want another baby.


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## muckemom (Jun 26, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamthesmilingone*
Just wondering. I watched my 11 month-old godson the other night. He's a sweet little guy (when he's not crying) but as I held me, it dawned on me I am done having kids. It feels kind of sad but I am quite happy with the family I have now. Plus, dh and I are getting older, to the point where we don't want to go through those babyhood years again. Anyone else out there who's come to that conclusion? How did/do/would you really know?

~peace

I am about 99.9% sure that I don't want anymore children. I've only got one (11 months old sweetheart) but I want to homeschool him through elementary levels and then send him to a private school... and the off to college. While my DH, DS and I are comfortable we are not "rollin' in the dough" so it would be better for us to only have one... and give him everything he deserves... he has tons of cousins that are close in age that he spends a lot fo time with, so I am not too afraid of him feeling alone or anything.

PLUS - I'm sure I could never love anyone **not even a baby** at much as I love DS.


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## Mama2 '05'06 (Mar 5, 2006)

SabDoulaMommy said:


> I love being pregnant, giving birth, bf, babies, I don't even mind night wakings. I just HATE TODDLERS!!!! If I could farm out my kids from 19 mos to almost 3, I'd have more, but since there's no place to send 'em. . .I'm done. QUOTE=SabDoulaMommy]
> 
> This is how i feel!! If I could get some one else to take over at about 14 months and give them back when they are 3, I would be soo glad!!
> 
> ...


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