# how do you deal with toddlers cursing???



## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

omg DS is CONSTANTLY cursing! he's about to turn 2 and he unfortunately knows the words s**t, f**k, and christ. he learned s**t from me and DH (hasn't heard it for MONTHS though), but i don't know where he learned the other 2. anyway, he uses them "appropriately" - as in, when he's upset. he combines them, yells them, etc...what would you do?

we've been ignoring him but then he just gets louder to get our attention. i'm hoping he'll eventually learn that he's not gonna get our attention that way, but it's taking a looooooooooooooong time and i'm hoping some of you have some experience with this.


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## homemademomma (Apr 1, 2004)

i havent dealt w/it with my own child (hes only 1) but i have w/friends children. we just keep on going like it was a "normal" word, and eventually the shock value wears off. we dont consider the normal swear words to be bad, and we have no problem w/ our kids saying it, but there is still that societal shock value, so after learning the word the kids tend to go crazy with it for a while. in our house, any word is okay, as long as you are not using it to be mean to someone.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

If he is old enough to understand them he is old enough to understand "we don't use those words in our family, and I don't want to hear them come out of your mouth" Of course if you are going to say "we don't say those words" you'll have to back it up with action.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Maybe you could come up with some fake curse words and have dh exclaim them loudly at appropriate times. Fortunately for us, ds picked up dammit instead of anything worse. He is an attention hound and ignoring things usually results in him behaving more outrageously. I tried switching him to darnit. He thought knit-it and crochet-it were pretty funny. He used to say OMG a lot, thanks to some uncles. He'll pick up on anything people say with great emotion. He is pretty good now (at 3.5) and was much worse at 2. Squid has a nice sound to it.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka*
If he is old enough to understand them he is old enough to understand "we don't use those words in our family, and I don't want to hear them come out of your mouth" Of course if you are going to say "we don't say those words" you'll have to back it up with action.

If he is like my ds was, it's more mimicry than understanding. Daddy would drop something and curse so if ds dropped something, he would say the same word. If I tried to get him not to say it, it turned into a big game of which I wouldn't be the winner.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *homemademomma*
we dont consider the normal swear words to be bad, and we have no problem w/ our kids saying it, but there is still that societal shock value, so after learning the word the kids tend to go crazy with it for a while. in our house, any word is okay, as long as you are not using it to be mean to someone.

I'm with you.

My son is allowed to use any word to express himself as long as it isn't an insult to someone else. He has a colorful vocabulary thanks to me (one thing I have a very hard time controlling) but I don't fuss over it. I have explained to him that because of "social rules" it is best if he only uses certain words at home to avoid hurting someone's feelings, and amazingly at 3 he really understands because I have had very few occasions where he said a "bad" word in public.

Because he is allowed to swear without consequence it has never been an issue for us. He doesn't even swear excessively, but occasionally he will pick a more colorful work to express himself. I have never understood what the huge deal is with certain words, why some are bad and who gets to decide which ones are bad







At any rate my son has been respectful of others who may not feel the same way, so i've been lucky.

Sorry, I realize that this is probably not the least bit helpful as I am sure I am the in the minority when it comes to allowing kids to swear, but that's how it is in our family, for whatever it's worth.


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## AmandaBL (Aug 3, 2004)

*he uses them "appropriately" - as in, when he's upset. he combines them, yells them, etc...*

I would die laughing. That would not be helpful, I know, but the other night a girlfriend's 4 year old sais "Damnit mom! Let's go!" It was so hard not to laugh. I know I'd loose it if it was a todler! Good luck


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

thank you for all of your replies! this has been really helpful...

i don't really have an issue with the words themselves, which is why i think he's picking up on our inconsistencies. I *do* get very embarrassed when he says them in public...so maybe i'm the one with the issues.









DH suggested that we replace our curse words with either nonsense words or words that are totally ok to say in public. of course, in the moment, we both want those power words to express ourselves...so we've agreed on "balls" LMAO!!!!! please don't flame me bc of the sexist nature of that term...it feels "bad" enough to us bc we know the other meaning, but to rowan it's completely different and we wouldn't be embarrassed if he said "balls" in public. he talks about bouncy balls all the time anyway! LOL

so we'll try that and see how it goes.

we're also going to reeeeally try to ignore his words...he does it with such intention and will actually touch my face to get me to look at him and then yell it. so it's sort of hard to ignore it...but i do use the "We don't use words like that".

oh, and it's sometimes IMPOSSIBLE not to laugh at him. he thinks of the most hilarious combinations (gotta give him credit for creativity) and hilarious ways of expressing himself. tonight at dinner DH almost peed in his pants he was laughing so hard at some of the stuff coming out of DS's mouth. :LOL

i'll check back in tomorrow and let you all know how we're doing with it. i'm sure you'll be on the edge of your seats!! LOL


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

:
maybe it is the junior high kid in me but "balls" just makes me giggle.


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## Mommy&Will (May 22, 2003)

Well, for the past few months my ds (2.5) has been saying.... f-ing OGRE. I guess he just likes the sound of those two words together. (yes he watches Shrek on occasion. lol).

But now he combines properly with his mama's favorite expression... f-ing nightmare... he's heard me mumble this on occassion amongst the chaos of a messy house, hungry baby and strawberry-juice-down-the-belly, sticky red fingers toddler running naked through the house...

Anyway, its embarrassing to me and more than anything I feel guilty that my anger and frustrations are so apparent. I dunno. I just feel he's too young to have to deal with that. He also uses the terms in context - when he is mad and angry.

I'm really working at keeping myself in check. I have actually done really well lately but he still holds on to those words... its just a part of his vocabulary now.







I honestly wish it wasn't. But I think if I make a big deal of it, it will just encourage him to use it more. I would just die if he said "that" word in front of my MIL.








:


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## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

Quote:

my ds (2.5) has been saying.... f-ing OGRE
:LOL


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## Frogmorest (Jan 31, 2004)

my 21 month old likes farking h*ll... lol! I have a hard time not swearing (no kidding!)

We mostly ignore it. We try not to laugh very hard







I try to give them other words to tell me how they are feeling (mostly with my 3.5 year old cause the babe is really just mimicking) I notice that the words fade out after a time.

Maddy's first swear was when she was about 13 or 14 months old. She dropped her sippy cup on the floor and loudly exclaimed "oh sh*t" I laughed so hard I though I'd die


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Just curious, why do some of you NOT mind your toddlers/kids use cursing words?

I've never heard of this before...


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:

Just curious, why do some of you NOT mind your toddlers/kids use cursing words?
Mainly because I use them and I would be a hypocrite & unfair to punish or fuss when my son say them. He learned from me! Honestly I really just don't see the big issue with swearing







:

All kids are going to exposed to "bad" words, and most are going to use them. In my opinion, like everything else in the world, there are appropriate times to do and say certain things and there are inappropriate times. Instead of forbidding certain words I'd much rather teach my son when and where he can use them. And in the privacy of our own home, I don't see how the occasional curse word is harmful.

Just because someone at some point said such and such word is bad, doesn't make it so. I also fail to see how teaching my son to use alternate words would be helpful. Whether my son says "oh sh!t" or "Oh fish sticks







) makes no difference to me as the meaning is intended to be the same. I can't see how one word is worse or better than the other. Words are just words to me as long as they aren't used to attack someone else.

Anyway,









Just my opinion, since you asked!







:


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion*
All kids are going to exposed to "bad" words, and most are going to use them.

So what's wrong with *combatting* "bad" words with *good* words or alternative phrases?


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## LauraN (May 18, 2004)

We just came out the other end of a bad word period. In a moment I'm not very proud of I yelled "f*** you" to my DH. DS (3yo) immediately picked up on the power of that word and before I knew it he was using it at preschool (As in "I don't want to take a nap. F*** you.") His teacher said that, while she had a hard time keeping from laughing, she couldn't have him saying that b/c all she needed was for the other kids to pick it up and for the parents to freak out. So we did several things. First, the next time I heard DS use it, I had a talk with him and told him that that was an ugly word, that I was very sorry I had said it to Daddy and that I didn't like using it because it hurts people's feelings and makes them sad. I said I would work on not using that word anymore. Second, every time he used it after that, I (and DH and his teacher) would say to him, "How about if you say 'rock you,' that sounds much nicer." And then we would use "rock you" in a nicer context. "I'm going to rock you right now and then we'll make supper together." Or pick him up and dance and sing, "We will, we will, rock you!" He only used the word at school once more, and it took about two weeks for him to stop using it at home. Of course, the main thing was that I never said that word myself again.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmommy*
So what's wrong with *combatting* "bad" words with *good* words or alternative phrases?

Nothing, if that is what you choose to do in your family. In my family, I don't believe in good words or bad words, just words. Even at 3 my son understands basic social rules enough where he doesn't use "bad" words in public, only at home. I have explained to him that he needs to be respectful of those who do not want to use or hear certain words, and he seems to understand pretty well as public swearing has never been an issue for us.


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

well, since DS is only 2yo he's not really able to grasp the concept of "ok at home, not ok in public"....so i'm trying to work on a universal code of conduct right now LOL


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

I suspect if I told my ds the literal meanings of curse words, he would think they are ridiculous things to say and not say them because they didn't make sense. Unless he knew it bothered me and wanted to push my buttons.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion*
I have explained to him that he needs to be respectful of those who do not want to use or hear certain words, and he seems to understand pretty well as public swearing has never been an issue for us.

Thank you. I just hope other mamas explain this to their toddlers. Example, if we are in a *family* restaurant, I wouldn't want my family dinner ruined (and my toddler subjected to this) because a 3 year old is yelling "fu?! you mama" and "kiss my a$$" at the next table.

I agree that if it works for your family, then those words should only be used in the privacy of your home.

It doesn't work for my family and they should NOT have to be subjected to that in other places. I can go to a bar for that LOL! (but I don't do bars, just making a point)

I just didn't know a cursing toddler







boy: was considered "cute".


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

well, my DS is cute no matter WHAT he's doing...but the cursing itself is not a cute behavior. even though it makes me laugh hysterically half of the time...it's the conviction behind the words that makes me chuckle. anyway...yeah...i'll eventually be teaching him that some words are ok at home but not elsewhere...but until he can actually grasp that concept, it's just not good anywhere.


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## water (May 15, 2003)

nak..

Quote:

I can't see how one word is worse or better than the other. Words are just words to me as long as they aren't used to attack someone else.








yep, exactly. I really can't understand how you can be "not allowed" to say a word. very bizarre. My 3yo swears at home, appropriately, and we have had the talk about other people not liking it and different rules at different houses, and I don't think he has evre sworn in public.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Well, I don't want to hear bi#ch, FU, sh!!tt. They sound disgusting, filthy and downright disrespectful.

Furthermore, I don't believe society as a whole would want to hear those words either hence the reason you see "no cussing" signs in public places.

And coming from a toddler???







:

You must think they sound wrong too if you "only" allow it in your home.


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## halah (Apr 28, 2002)

Yeah, this is a tough one for me. On one hand I can see PHILOSOPHICALLY how ridiculous it is to not allow someone to say a "word". But, when my neighbor's six year old called his 3 year old sister a f**king b*&ch in front of my 4 yr old ds, I about lost it. (not from laughter, either).

I guess I err on the side of conservatism by explaining that certain words are not allowed in my home due to the way they make others feel. I can't change the world's connotation of a word all by myself. And I try try try to keep my cursing inaudible to my kids.


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## ComaWhite (Mar 13, 2003)

Everything I was going to type up was already explained much better by Vermillion ...


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

halah said:


> when my neighbor's six year old called his 3 year old sister a f**king b*&ch in front of my 4 yr old ds, I about lost it. (not from laughter, either).QUOTE]
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## katallen (Jan 4, 2005)

I give my daughter other words to say and model using them when she picks up a swear word. If it was a habit that was to hard for me to break I wouldn't mind swearing in the home because I can't tell her to do one thing while I do the other, but I stopped swearing (mostly) after I got pregnant, I don't think it is a good habit to teach her the swear words which she will then teach her friends once she gets to school. I also do not think it is cute to hear the f-word coming out of a small child.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmommy*

It doesn't work for my family and they should NOT have to be subjected to that in other places. I can go to a bar for that LOL! (but I don't do bars, just making a point)

Even though we have opposite opinions on the subject, I totally agree with you! I find it extremely rude when I hear people of ANY age swearing in public. Even though I allow swearing at home, I still don't appreciate hearing others swear around my son and other kids in public because they don't know if I mind or not, so it would be best to err on the side of caution and not swear out of respect for others, assuming they don't want to hear it.

Also, my son is pretty advanced for his age when it comes to understanding about certain things such as social rules, if he were not I probably would not be so lenient when it comes to swearing because I don't think it would be fair to force others to listen to him swearing in public. It would be totally disrespectful and I am sensitive to that.

Quote:

Example, if we are in a *family* restaurant, I wouldn't want my family dinner ruined (and my toddler subjected to this) because a 3 year old is yelling "fu?! you mama" and "kiss my a$$" at the next table.
That comment may not be towards me at all, but just for the record I don't let my son say "f-U" or "kiss my ass" etc. Just like I don't let him insult me in other ways that do not involve swearing. Insults are insults swear words or not. Unacceptable.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmommy*
Well, I don't want to hear bi#ch, FU, sh!!tt. They sound disgusting, filthy and downright disrespectful.

Furthermore, I don't believe society as a whole would want to hear those words either hence the reason you see "no cussing" signs in public places.

And coming from a toddler???







:

A lot of people find the sight of a nursing child in public filthy and disgusting. Society as a whole doesn't want to see naked breasts with kids attached either. I am not saying we should hide when nursing, just using it as an example to show that everyone is different. What one finds ok others may not, and vice versa. I try to be respectful of others when possible, when it isn't unreasonable.

Quote:

You must think they sound wrong too if you "only" allow it in your home

Not necessarily. I don't think they are wrong at all. The reason why I only allow them in my home is because I am respectful of those who don't want to hear it. Plain and simple. I won't force others to listen to what they feel is vulgar or disgusting, but I won't forbid it in my own home because I don NOT find anything wrong with it.


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## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:

Yeah, I guess those who don't mind teaching their toddler cuss words would say: "Awwww, isn't that cute what he said to his sister?"
Not quite. As I've said before, there is a big difference between swearing and insults. I don't care whether it is a FU B*tch, go to hell, you're stupid, or you stink. Insults are unacceptable period, doesn't make a difference whether "bad" words are involved or not, it's all hurtful.

Telling someone to go f*uck themselves is hurtful, my son saying oh sh!t in the privacy of his own home when he stubs his toe is not. Again, big difference.


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion*
there is a big difference between swearing and insults.

Exactly. 5-yo DS is welcome to let fly with the F-bomb (and has) when his block castle falls over, but it is totally unacceptable for him to call his sister stupid or clumsy for knocking it over (just an examples, he's never called her names).

I feel strongly that swear words, carrying the "gut punch" that they do, have a valid place in our toolbox of language for expressing emotions. This is true for my son as well as DH and I.

We explain that different people are comfoprtable with different words, and the considerate, responsible thing to do is to avoid using a word if someone is uncomfortable with it. Therefore certain words are best used at home and around people who we know (because we know what they're comfortable with, unlike random strangers). In public he take his cues from us: since we don't loudly swear (so everyone around us can hear) he doesn't either. If someone tells DS they don't like hearing a certain word, he apologizes and substitutes another. (If someone says something about a "bad word" or "language like that" he just looks confused.)

Just for the record, by the time he was 3 DS was really adept at adjusting his vocab depending on where he was. Even his grandmother, who is not the most openminded person about child vocabulary







was impressed.

Newmommy, respectfully, I can see this is a new idea for you, but is it necessary to approach it with so much scorn?


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## Pam_and_Abigail (Dec 2, 2002)

This is something that has been troubling me, as I agree with the idea that no words are "bad" but I'm having a hard time in practice. I've just grown up with the idea you shoudn't swear in front of little kids. I like a lot of what I've read here though.


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## owensmom (Feb 23, 2002)

I'm going through this right now, ds says the F word a lot these days. He just walks along saying "F F F F". Then he sings "Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music.







Anyway, I do say it, although I try not to around him and I can't think of the last time I did. I don't want him just saying it for the fun of it, or whatever it is he is doing. I didn't freak though, I tried to ignore it, but he keeps doing it. So I told him that a lot of people don't think that is a nice word. Mommy and daddy say it sometimes, but we try not to, so if I say it he should tell me and I'll correct it, and vice versa. Then I tried to brainstorm with him on words to say instead, like Shoot and Poop and Mamma Mia! (We play Super Mario...). None of these stupid techniques I read about ever work on him though! ~sigh~

Vermillion, way to be calm in the face of adversity!


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pam_and_Abigail*
This is something that has been troubling me, as I agree with the idea that no words are "bad" but I'm having a hard time in practice. I've just grown up with the idea you shoudn't swear in front of little kids. I like a lot of what I've read here though.

I grew up with the opposite, which is why I feel the way I do regarding kids and swearing. I was always allowed to swear as a child, it was always a non issue in my house. I never had problems with swearing in public or excessive swearing.

As I got a little older (12 maybe, give or take a little) at the age where kids are going to hear swearing a lot, whether the parents like it or not, I always found that my friends whose parents made a big deal about swearing (punishing, forbidding, etc) were the ones who cursed like sailors the second they were alone. I never had that problem because I knew if swore at home there would be no punishment for it. My parents never made it an issue, so I didn't either.

I don't know, it just seems really silly to have good words and bad words. Poopoo and s*** mean the same thing, ass and butt as well, why is one somehow worse than the other? Who gets to decide that? All in how you look it at I suppose.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *girlndocs*
Newmommy, respectfully, I can see this is a new idea for you, but is it necessary to approach it with so much scorn?

Forgive me for that, this IS a new idea for me to embrace. And although my goal was NOT to change or influence the minds of you mamas, I was perplexed at the concept and was seeking understanding.

Perhaps my *personal feelings* seeped...

Thank you for not allowing it in public places.


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## PM (Nov 19, 2001)

When she was 2 or 3 dd heard someone say shit. She said it now and then (ofr a fairly long time) but got NO reaction from me. She's never said it since.

Now, stupid is a word that she thinks must be the worst word in the world. And I'm damned proud of that!







The other evening, I was talking to dh at the dinner table and said something about the "stupidity of doctors" or something like that. She was appalled! "Mommy what you say?!"


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## bethwl (May 10, 2003)

Another idea I have heard is to give them a specific place where they can curse and only can they do it there (their room, a playroom, the bathroom, whatever). And then say "If you're frustrated and feel like saying those words, you can go to your room and say them and then come back." I guess this would be the adult equivalent of going in another room and closing the door to scream?


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## thoesly (Dec 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisMaman*
Now, stupid is a word that she thinks must be the worst word in the world.

We simply don't use curse words and neither do our kids, so it's a non-issue right now, though I will be in the not-allowed camp for numerous reasons (none of which have bearing here). But my family members sometimes do "slip up" in front of the kids, and one of my favorite memories pertains to the above quote. One time, when we were visiting my parents, my dad was looking out the window and said, "Look at that stupid son of a ---!" My oldest son looked at him and said, "Grandpa, we don't say 'stupid'" and went back to playing. It's still one of my favorite kid moments.


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## heldt123 (Aug 5, 2004)

Cool thread! We've had this problem as well as my husband often uses swear words that I don't use or care for and our son picked them up right away. At first it was really hard not to laugh, becuase the way he said it was just too darn cute (not that I liked it or anything). Had to leave the room a few times.

Anyway, I have struggled with how to deal with this issue as well. It seemed odd to tell our 2 yo that it was wrong to say these words when it was OK for daddy to say them, so we tried ignoring it or making rhymes to de-emphesize the words. Now, I've just been trying to get my husband to use alternatives. One of the best we've found is "for Pete's sake." This one has been really fun and at least gives him something to say.

Some of you make a good point about there really not being much difference between some words. Like poop and s*t and what about crap. Really what's the difference when you use it in the same context. Who really decided which words were inappropriate anyway? It is OK to say darn it, but not d*mit....Oh, blowing holes in my word philosophy... I'm surprised that this thread hasn't gotten deleted because of profanity! :LOL


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmommy*

Yeah, I guess those who don't mind teaching their toddler cuss words would say: "Awwww, isn't that *cute* what he said to his sister?"

I think you've missed a crucial distinction. My mom always told me that words are just words--it's how you say them, not what you say, that makes a difference. So, if my dad said "s*t" what he dropped something, that was just a word. If he said to my mom, in anger, "You're a s*t," that would be a different story altogether--totally inappropriate and wrong, because the word be used to hurt. And this would be true of any word, swear word or not. (BTW, this is just a theorectical example--my dad never said that to my mom!). Any words used insultingly can be harmful. But just saying words out loud...I guess I don't see why one should be "bad" and another "good." If your child says "Fudge!" when he drops something, he's engaging in exactly the same emotional release as if he said a swear word--that is, he's just using a word to express frustration, not hurting anyone. And I think the reason why some mamas might make a distinction between words that are okay at home but not okay in public is not because they think that, yes, those words are inherently "bad", but that OTHER people would find them uncomfortable. On the other hand, other people find NIP uncomfortable, so...?

BTW, as a medievalist, let me tell you: in Chaucer and most of the canonical, founding texts of English literature, you'll find plenty of obscenity! My students are often shocked to come across this stuff in "literature"--but I think medieval people were not quite so Puritanical as we are when it comes to stuff like this!


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg*
I think you've missed a crucial distinction. And I think the reason why some mamas might make a distinction between words that are okay at home but not okay in public is not because they think that, yes, those words are inherently "bad", but that OTHER people would find them uncomfortable. On the other hand, other people find NIP uncomfortable, .

Ah sorry, I don't belive I have. And to me, the above is a hypocritical statement.

If words are "just words" then you wouldn't mind if someone called you a "fng [email protected]@" to your face? Can you honestly walk away from that person and shrug "oh they are just words"

Come now, *cuss words* take on a sort of *evil personality* if you will. Enough that people are killed, shot, stabbed, hurt...

Why do you think the film industry has Rated R for strong language? It IS with purpose, I assure you.

I'm getting off this thread, but you can continue to say "*cuss words* are *just words*" if it makes you feel validated in your decision...


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## peaceful herbivore (Mar 17, 2005)

I don't think anyone would be okay with someone calling them a F-ing B- ...but it has nothing to do with the actual words and I think a lot of people have attempted to explain that, though it seems you refuse to accept at least the distinction---even if you don't agree.

I would be JUST as upset if someone came up to me and said "You are an ugly fat cow" as I would if they called me a F-ing B-. An insult is an insult is an insult, the actual words said don't particularly matter to me.

The same goes for cursing. I curse occasionally, and have no problem with my child doing it in appropriate situations. For example, saying "oh shit" at a football game when the guy drops the ball is WAY more widely accepted than saying "oh shit" in the middle of church wouldn't you agree?

In very, very young children I can understand people (like the OP) not wanting to use the words in any context because they haven't yet grasped social graces and what is appropriate and not in public, around certain people and so on---

However, in my parenting, I strive to avoid the "do as I say, not as I do" type parenting, that is not only ineffective, but also very hypocritical and as it relates to curse words, uselsess.

Please no arguements about "if you have a beer at home, can your 5 year old?" I think we would all agree that underage drinking is illegal and you can be punished by the law due to it and that alcohol and the like are drugs that affect your brain and nervous system.

I am speaking more metaphorically in terms of arbitrary rules that in my humble opinion, have no basis in common sense, such as the arguement "Daddy can say shit, but you may not." I feel when my children are older, as long as it is in the scope of accepted social situations and they are not being insulting towards another person, "shit" when they break something is the least of my problems. I have enough faith in my children that they will learn appropriate social behaviors due to my modeling and that they won't write "I learned a lot of useful shit in school" on their college applications.


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## Pam_and_Abigail (Dec 2, 2002)

Has anyone seen Penn & Teller's Bulls**t show about swearing? It's very enlightening, especially the interview with the linguist. Really, why should the sounds that come together to make a word mean it has some inherently evil quality about it?


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## water (May 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmommy*
Ah sorry, I don't belive I have. And to me, the above is a hypocritical statement.

If words are "just words" then you wouldn't mind if someone called you a "fng [email protected]@" to your face? Can you honestly walk away from that person and shrug "oh they are just words"

Come now, *cuss words* take on a sort of *evil personality* if you will. Enough that people are killed, shot, stabbed, hurt...

Why do you think the film industry has Rated R for strong language? It IS with purpose, I assure you.

I'm getting off this thread, but you can continue to say "*cuss words* are *just words*" if it makes you feel validated in your decision...

Yeah, you just don't get it. What NYCVeg said:

Quote:

I think you've missed a crucial distinction. My mom always told me that words are just words--it's how you say them, not what you say, that makes a difference. So, if my dad said "s*t" what he dropped something, that was just a word. If he said to my mom, in anger, "You're a s*t," that would be a different story altogether--totally inappropriate and wrong, because the word be used to hurt. And this would be true of any word, swear word or not. (BTW, this is just a theorectical example--my dad never said that to my mom!). Any words used insultingly can be harmful. But just saying words out loud...I guess I don't see why one should be "bad" and another "good." If your child says "Fudge!" when he drops something, he's engaging in exactly the same emotional release as if he said a swear word--that is, he's just using a word to express frustration, not hurting anyone.
That is exactly how I feel. My ds can say whatever he wants when he drops something on his toe, but I don't want him to say f-you just like I don't want him to say you are stupid, or any other insult. The two are totally different things.

And yep again to what NYCVeg says here:

Quote:

And I think the reason why some mamas might make a distinction between words that are okay at home but not okay in public is not because they think that, yes, those words are inherently "bad", but that OTHER people would find them uncomfortable. On the other hand, other people find NIP uncomfortable, so...?
I am teaching my ds that other people will feel uncomfortable with him swearing and so maybe he shouldn't do it in public. Not because I think it's bad to swear, but to respect other people. Just the same as not swearing AT them.

Why so worried about what other people are teaching their children? Why should you get so upset about what my son says in his own home? Maybe you need to look at your own issues here...


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

wow. didn't mean to start all of this.







sorry! i do think it's been very helpful, though. i feel the same way in general about curse words not being inherently evil, but i am very sensitive to social expectations. not saying everybody should be, but i am. so when my son screams "f*cka sh*t" (he's never heard that particular string of curses, but hey he's creative) in the middle of Target, i get embarrassed. because i know that a lot of people equate cursing with a certain level of ignorance, trashiness, etc. and i don't want to be perceived that way. not necessarily because i believe that that sentence is particularly evil.

i do agree about using the words TO someone as being totally unacceptable, just as insulting anyone without curse words is unacceptable. i hope that DS is able to grasp the distinction and the difference between "home" language and "outside" language or i'm in for big troubles!!









thanks for the thoughtful responses everybody...hope i haven't inadvertently hurt anyone's feelings by bringing it up.


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