# what does a co-sleeping, bfing mama do when she wants a night off?



## rachandlily (Jul 15, 2008)

I have the opportunity to leave dd (10 mos) with a VERY loving and capable aunt and uncle on new years eve and actually have a night off in the mountains with my husband and friends. I'm excited about being able to stay up late, drink some wine, and play cards. DD will take a bottle of bm while I'm gone, and I'll pump. They'll bring her to me the next day so she can spend the rest of the weekend with us.

However, my ebf daughter's sleep is VERY dependent on me. She sleeps in her crib until it's time for me to go to bed, and then we cosleep most nights. Without me there, who knows...she might be up all night....which is a lot to ask of my brother and sil. I don't want them cosleeping with her for safety reasons, but I really don't think she'll sleep on her own all night.

So how does a cosleeping mom take a night off? or do I just not get a night off 'til dd is sleeping on her own (who knows how long that will be?)

Thoughts??


----------



## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I have not had a night off yet (DS is 16 months) but my husband and his friend often watch him while I am out, and if he gets tired, he will fall asleep in the crook of their arm and they can put him down, whereas the only way I can usually get him to sleep is to nurse. I think they know that mom has the boobie and get fixated on that, but will usually fall asleep okay for someone else in another way. My son is the same way with solid food-- he will eat better for someone else than he will for me, because he knows that the breast is right there. I think if you decide to go you should just be realistic and ready to be on call if she is having a difficult night and needs you to come home.


----------



## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

For some this might be a taboo subject/suggestion - but in other cultures, this is how they survive lmao...

So... Do you have any other close BF/Co-sleeping friends? Would you/they be willing to give you a night off by co-sleeping and BF your DD? (and yes - I am totally serious).

I never had a night off with DS - I just waited until he was fine with me leaving the house for the night. This happened for a short while after he was two and then stopped - but again now that he is four. (so there is light at the end of the tunnel if you have no other options!). I would not have been comfortable leaving him with anyone else at the age of 10 months old.... Unless I desperately needed that night off and then again, it would only be with another co-sleeping/BF mother (who is a close friend) and was willing to mother/parent my child in the same way as me.


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

This is just my opinion and not a judgement against anyone else, but I would NEVER do it. My ds is 28 months and in NO way could I imagine him not being with me over the course of the whole night. He has never had a bottle in his life and still night nurses and i'm pretty sure he'd be freaking out the whole night. So yeah, for me I'd say no way.

I think part of being a mom is that once you are a mom you are always a mom. There really is no such thing as a night off...because i'm pretty sure that even if you did get away for the night, you'd spend all the night awake and worried/missing your baby. Your body is hardwired that way!


----------



## rachandlily (Jul 15, 2008)

Thanks for the feedback. I'm just VERY tired and craving some grown-up time....I'm also looking forward to sleeping in the same room and BED (!) as my DH...he's been in the guest room b/c he's such a loud sleeper and wakes dd up at night in our bed.

I think part of me continuing to be the best mama I can be is to take time for myself so that I have the energy for my dd. I know I'll miss my little one terribly, but I also know she'll be in the arms of someone who loves her at all times. And they'll stay up all night with her if she needs it.

She actually doesn't nurse that much at night, so I'm not so worried about the bfing...she takes a bottle while I'm at work 3 days a week, and is fine with it.

I guess I was just wondering if there are tricks/tips that other mamas have used if they want to/need to leave their babes for one night.


----------



## lisavark (Oct 27, 2007)

Well, my DD is 22 months and I've never had a night off, but I'm going to disagree with the mamas who say they never would do it. If I had anyone willing to take care of DD for me, I would totally do it. I wish I could. I do NOT think it's biologically normal for mom to be the only one taking care of baby, 24/7, night and day, for years on end. Like a pp said, the "normal" thing, biologically, would be for another relative--an aunt, most likely--to BF the baby in mom's place while mom is out. But that's not an option for most people in our culture.









Take care of yourself, mama. A grown-up night is good for you. Especially if you think your baby is going to handle it well and not freak out. I know my baby would freak out, since I've tried it a couple of times, but I would STILL do it if I could convince my mom to try...


----------



## lizzylou (Jul 11, 2006)

I would leave a baby that age for one night with someone that I really trusted. I bet she will be totally fine! They will dote on her and she might be up a little more than usual at first, but otherwise I would bet that she will sleep ok.


----------



## Katielady (Nov 3, 2006)

We went to a wedding when DS was 18 months old and asked close friends to come be with him at our house. We were very lucky in that they didn't have kids yet (they do now) and were willing to cosleep with him. He was weaned so that was not an issue, but I was worried about him trying to sleep in his crib all night when he normally spent at least part of the night with us.

Is that a possibility with the aunt and uncle?


----------



## Altair (May 1, 2005)

I would show them how to swaddle her if she is inconsolable in the night-- my baby is 9 months and that usually does the trick when all else fails. (Even if she hasn't been swaddled in months, it's still like an off switch for them and makes them feel safe and relaxed.) Does she take a pacifier?


----------



## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

I accepted that I would not get a "night off" for a while when I had my kids and at that age I would not even consider it.


----------



## rachandlily (Jul 15, 2008)

I worry that they'll sleep too soundly and not hear/sense her the way I do when she and I bedshare....so I'm hesitant to have them cosleep with her. But I did tell them that throwing down a sleeping pad next to her crib and sleeping "next" to her might help if nothing else does...my dh does that every once in a while when she's too wound up to sleep in bed with me.

We haven't swaddled since she was about 5-6 mos old, but I've been wondering about returning to it lately and if it would help her sleep more soundly since she wakes A LOT at night.

She doesn't take a paci, but she's a thumb sucker which does help soothe her.

Thanks to those of you who agree that it's important/o.k. to take time away from baby...I've never felt that I had to solo-parent 24/7 to the point of utter, unhealthy exhaustion in order to effectively AP. And I'm so fortunate to have lots of family nearby who I trust to leave her with (and who will support my decision to NOT leave her to cry alone).

We'll see...I also wonder if she'll sleep wonderfully as soon as I'm out of the house...that would be ideal!!


----------



## gbutterflykissesm (Apr 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lizzylou* 
I would leave a baby that age for one night with someone that I really trusted. I bet she will be totally fine! They will dote on her and she might be up a little more than usual at first, but otherwise I would bet that she will sleep ok.











If they are willing to take her, I'm sure they are aware of the challenge it might be. But it's only one night for them, and it sounds like they are willing to help you out and sacrifice just one night to let you go have some adult time. Is there a situation where you would feel more comfortable having them cosleep? Say if only one of them slept on the bed with baby, or if you could have baby sleep in one of those snuggle boxes in the bed with them?


----------



## Blueone (Sep 12, 2009)

If you trust them I would go for it. Time off for a mom is important for both you and the child, especially when worn out and tired. I would want some time with my hubby too if he weren't sleeping in the same bed with me.

I would show them the tricks and all before you go and of course (as I'm sure you know) leave an emergency contact number and let them know to call you if they need to even if it's not an emergency.

I'm sure your daughter will be fine! She'll probably enjoy all the doting attention.


----------



## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *almadianna* 
I accepted that I would not get a "night off" for a while when I had my kids and at that age I would not even consider it.

this.


----------



## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MoreThanApplesauce* 
this.

I think we forget for how little time they are so young and that this is not forever. When they are older we are going to miss these times as they pass too quickly.


----------



## KatWozBlue (Dec 21, 2009)

When my son was about that age I left him for a night, forgot why, I think it was for a wedding I was in, but I did and he was just fine with my mom. He drank breast milk out of the bottle,she snuggled with him and he slept soundly all night only waking once and then drifting back to sleep as she rocked him.

He actually slept better when I wasn't there, go figure and the next morning I came home and he was just fine. I think all mothers need to give themselves permission to have a little bit of fun and to blow off some steam once in a while, you are not going to traumatize your baby, you are not going to break the bond, you are going to be well rested and ready to go back to your real life. Yes kids are young so briefly, but one night is not going to count negatively in the grand scheme of parenting.

have fun and don't worry, leave more than one bottle of breastmilk though, you never know


----------



## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Eh...10 mo is kinda young. I'm going to a bachelorette party in a few mos, and DD will be 16 mo AND with DH -- and I'm _still_ thinking about not doing it. You just never know how the night will go. She could be up all night confused and crying. Or, she might sleep peacefully and wake up once or twice. You just don't know.


----------



## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

My goodness.

It's so predictable. Every time we have one of these threads, so many people pipe in with how they would never dream of ever _abandoning_ their child for the night until he was old enough for kindergarten or whathaveyou.

You know what? You know your child and caretaker best. If you need a night off, take one. It's ONE NIGHT. Your child will be fine, and YOU will be all the better for it when you get your batteries charged. Also, importantly, you will have a night out WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Your marriage needs time, too.

So don't let people here guilt you out of a single night away from your child. If you did it all the time, it would be one thing. But it's one night. Have fun. Just be upfront with your BIL/SIL about your child's needs. They will understand.


----------



## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

I left my 8-month old, co-sleeping, bfing daughter for a night with my parents on my 30th birthday and she was fine. She went to sleep just fine for my mom, just like she'd take a bottle from DH but not for me.

It sounds like your SIL knows about your sleeping situation and is still willing to take your dd overnight. I wouldn't turn that down, its just one night.


----------



## Shanny2032 (Aug 10, 2009)

I wouldn't do it BUT I MAKE NO JUDGEMENTS ABOUT YOU DOING IT! I also get that you were asking for tips, not permission







. I left dd when she was 11 months during a stretch during the day (until this point I hadn't left her for more than 2 hours with my sister) because my boss bought me a haircut and color at this really fancy place and it took like 4 hours! My Dad and StepMom were in town so I left her with 3 capable adults but I was still a mess! When I got home she was sleeping on the couch with my stepmother. It was the only time she has ever fallen asleep with anyone else (I'm single), I have really cute pictures and we all lived to tell about it. I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable leaving her but when I do I'd like people who did it long before or long after to see that we are all different and need to do what is right for our families.

I hope you enjoy you night out.


----------



## jorona (Nov 23, 2009)

I had my first night away from DS at the same age. My mom was able to cosleep with him by laying a mattress on the floor for the both of them. He took his bottle and went right to sleep for her without a problem. The floor was a good solution because she was afraid of him managing to fall out of the bed otherwise.

Have fun on your night out, it's been 3 months since DH and I had ours and it was well worth it - though I missed munchkin terrribly!


----------



## pacificbliss (Jun 17, 2006)

I will be in the minority here but I left DS with my parents for a night when he was 9 months old. They had him in a pack n play right beside the bed and gave him a bottle of ebm when he needed it. Yes, it was a long night for them but I got a night with my DH to go out for a quiet dinner and have an evening together. Yes, I thought about him all night long. My mom sent frequent text messages including when they were up with him at night and I could always roll over and check my phone








Yes, once a mom always a mom but I don't thin that means you can not have a night to yourself.
Also, DS did very well. He was also ebf and co-sleeping and I expected my parents woud be up all night but, maybe because he could not smell or see or hear me, he settled in with his loving grandparents. Enjoy


----------



## FiveLittleMonkeys (Jan 21, 2009)

When my son was a year old, I had surgery. I spent two nights in the hospital, and he stayed with my mom while my dh stayed with me. He did just fine - and at that point was still waking several times to nurse.

I would do it. I'm willing to bet that your DD will be just fine!!


----------



## SoulCakes (Dec 23, 2009)

I think you might be pleasantly surprised at how easily your child falls asleep without you! I was worried sick the first time we left DD alone with her grandparents overnight. She was never able to sleep without me - or so I thought. If I would have been in the same house I bet it would have been a problem, but since I wasn't she fell and stayed asleep just fine. (Ok, it kind of broke my heart a little, but that's not the point.)

Anyway, I'd just give it a try if I were you. As long as she's in good hands, there shouldn't be any problems.


----------



## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

I had to be away from DS 1 when he was about 11 months old for a work-related training. It was hard for both of us, and isn't something I would choose to do for several more months. I think that if you do make the choice to do this, you should be prepared to go back to your baby if he needs you and can't be soothed. Ultimately though, if you feel you need to do this, and you feel you have great care lined up, then do it. You know yourself and your child better than anyone else.


----------



## isign (Jan 17, 2008)

If you get a break for a night, I say go for it







I know you aren't looking for permission, but encouragement's always great. Mine are 14 months apart, I've been nursing/co-sleeping with someone(s) for the past 28 months and I'm exhausted. I get that they are only young once but I know I'm not at the top of my game, but don't have any help. You know what you need to be the best mama you can be.


----------



## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Yes, once a mom always a mom. You don't have to stop existing as an independent person just because you are a mom. Go for it. If they are willing to take on the night let them! Every parent had to figure out how to comfort their child and they will figure something out too.


----------



## kdtmom2be (Aug 26, 2006)

I'm joining the ranks of "yes I'd totally do that" and I have. DD was 14 months and it was my wedding night (she was/is high needs and sooner than that wasn't possible because she wouldn't take a bottlr OR eat enough solids). With DS, who is a champ with the bottle, we left him with my mom at 6 months. My mom is happy to co-sleep with my kids.

Why do you think that co-sleeping with your bro &/or SIL would be unsafe? Let them know what is required for safe co-sleeping/bed-sharing and that your DD may prefer it and leave it at that. I TRY to let the caretakers that I leave my kids with make thier own decisions about what to do with my kids, after all, if I didn't trust them to do this I wouldn't leave them in that situation to start with!


----------



## Kikelet (Jun 21, 2007)

I would go for it!! Just that you are posting shows that you care deeply about your baby's comfort. I wish other moms wouldn't take this as you abandoning your responsibility, as though you'd like to pretend you didn't have a baby or something. In almost every attachment-type parenting book it talks about mama also getting what she needs so that mother and baby are equally well. This includes mama spending some time away from baby if she needs it. We're not talking days here, it's one night. I hope you feel more confident after hearing so many mamas say that it's perfectly healthy and normal for you to want to do this


----------



## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

You might want to consider whether you'll need to be able to pump to keep yourself comfortable since you won't be nursing?


----------



## Italiamom (Mar 18, 2009)

Oh yes, bring your pump!


----------



## rachandlily (Jul 15, 2008)

Thank you so much for all the comments ladies. I appreciate hearing ALL of your opinions. I'm of course going to be worried about how the night will go, but I really do think it'll do wonders for my husband and me to have a night off together. A high-nighttime-needs baby can be and has been SO exhausting for both of us. It's worth every second to us, but a chance to "hit the reset button" will be wonderful for us, and for baby!

I'll definitely leave plenty of BM (that way she can have a bottle every time she wakes up if that helps comfort her), and I'll for sure have my pump with me so I'm comfortable.

I like the idea of a mattress on the floor...that might work really well. I also like the idea of getting texts throughout the night, even if she's up and having a tough time, so at least I know what's going on and I'm not lying there all night wondering.

I know she'll be in good hands. And the family member I'm leaving her with seems to have a special way with her...she's very comforting to her, which is why I feel comfortable leaving the baby with her for the first time.

Thanks again for the support and guidance mamas!


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
My goodness.

It's so predictable. Every time we have one of these threads, so many people pipe in with how they would never dream of ever _abandoning_ their child for the night until he was old enough for kindergarten or whathaveyou.

You know what? You know your child and caretaker best. If you need a night off, take one. It's ONE NIGHT. Your child will be fine, and YOU will be all the better for it when you get your batteries charged. Also, importantly, you will have a night out WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Your marriage needs time, too.

So don't let people here guilt you out of a single night away from your child. If you did it all the time, it would be one thing. But it's one night. Have fun. Just be upfront with your BIL/SIL about your child's needs. They will understand.

I don't see anyone here trying to "guilt" the op. She asked for opinions and we gave them. i even started my whole post with "this is MY opinion and not a judgement" If you are fine with leaving your baby that's fine and great but don't tell the op that she will be fine and her baby WILL be fine because you don't know that! So you are the one that is TELLING the op what to do! sheesh. My ds is 28 months and I would not be comfortable with it...that is MY opinion. I'm not telling the op not to go...just what I think/feel and that is what everyone else seems to be saying thus far as well (their own opinions and leaving it up to the op).


----------



## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollytheteacher* 
I don't see anyone here trying to "guilt" the op. She asked for opinions and we gave them. i even started my whole post with "this is MY opinion and not a judgement" If you are fine with leaving your baby that's fine and great but don't tell the op that she will be fine and her baby WILL be fine because you don't know that! So you are the one that is TELLING the op what to do! sheesh. My ds is 28 months and I would not be comfortable with it...that is MY opinion. I'm not telling the op not to go...just what I think/feel and that is what everyone else seems to be saying thus far as well (their own opinions and leaving it up to the op).

Well, when somebody asks for advice on _how_ to do something and the first ten responses are all "OH I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!!!" it sure doesn't sound supportive to me.

And her baby WILL be fine. I do know that. Do you honestly think he's going to be scarred for life because he spent one night in the loving arms of somebody other than his mother? Uh, no.


----------



## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
My goodness.

It's so predictable. Every time we have one of these threads, so many people pipe in with how they would never dream of ever _abandoning_ their child for the night until he was old enough for kindergarten or whathaveyou.

You know what? You know your child and caretaker best. If you need a night off, take one. It's ONE NIGHT. Your child will be fine, and YOU will be all the better for it when you get your batteries charged. Also, importantly, you will have a night out WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Your marriage needs time, too.

So don't let people here guilt you out of a single night away from your child. If you did it all the time, it would be one thing. But it's one night. Have fun. Just be upfront with your BIL/SIL about your child's needs. They will understand.

*slow clap*

this. x 1000


----------



## LisainCalifornia (May 29, 2002)

It sounds like this was a rhetorical question since you already know you are going and have someone lined up to watch your child. Hopefully you will have a nice night out, and your child will indeed be "fine" (I am not sure what the definition of fine is here...).

I find that I can actually re-connect with my husband better at home away from the hustle and bustle of going out (especially on a night like New Years Eve). A little take out, nice glass of wine, some laughs and lots of talking is always a good way to start.

I can understand the desire to get out, but at the same time I think it is good to find ways to reconnect as a couple at home, too. We haven't been out for NYE since our first was born 15 years ago, and we are connected as ever. I am actually happy NOT to have to join the masses out. Some peaceful time with my loved ones, some where quiet (where we can actually hear each other) is such a wonderful thing--and it can be carved out of almost any day or night--no babysitter required.


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
Well, when somebody asks for advice on _how_ to do something and the first ten responses are all "OH I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!!!" it sure doesn't sound supportive to me.

And her baby WILL be fine. I do know that. Do you honestly think he's going to be scarred for life because he spent one night in the loving arms of somebody other than his mother? Uh, no.

I still don't agree with this. And not to say I believe that the baby WON'T be fine, but just the fact that you.do.not.know. Regardless of how loving the caretakers are.

When my ds was 14 months(ish). I was in the hospital over night (til 6am). He was with DH (yes my husband and his father who is with us every single night) and he cried/wanted mama the whole entire time. Dh got no sleep, DS got no sleep and for me that didn't feel "fine". I felt terrible...obviously I had to take care of my own needs (I was in the e.r.) so I had no choice...but if and when I have the choice to leave DS overnight, I wouldn't do it until I felt 100% comfortable. If the OP does, that's great! And she should feel free to (which I think she is anyway...have fun OP







), but you don't have to come on this thread and say that everyone is trying to guilt the OP (I don't see that anywhere).


----------



## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

I say go for it







As long as the caregivers are aware they might have a rough night. Your child WILL be OK, really, even if they have a rough night. Life will go on, baby will be happy to see you, everybody will be OK in the end. Mama's need care too! And it sounds like you are ready for a little of that time







My DS was 10 months (BFing and cosleeping), he stayed home with Daddy. They did have a hard night, but DS was his usual happy self in the morning. It's a whole 'nother story at nearly 3, and still BFing and cosleeping. He REALLY has a hard time (hours of hysterical crying) with me gone at bedtime (evening work things that have me home by 10pm). Just don't forget your pump







I did that when DS was about 22 months and I was gone for the night. Pumped with a cheapy free pump from behind the desk at CVS. I was like a rock by the time I saw DS. Yikes! Enjoy your self


----------



## phrogger (Oct 16, 2006)

Honestly, I have been the friend/family member who took care of a young/nursing child and frankly, nothing the mom suggested made a difference. We made up our own routine for the two nights and had a BLAST. There wasn't an issue at all, but I did co sleep with her. I however have already co-slept with my own kids and I was pumping at the time for a child I had just delivered as the result of a surrogacy, so I did have milk at the tap if needed. (mom was fine with me nursing her if need be). Honestly, it was the mom who was more difficult then the child. Wanting lots of updates and calling all the time I know was important to her and SHE needed it, but we were having a good time and mom just needed to have a good time and relax, not calling me constantly. She trusted me enough to keep the child, so really, I would just suggest having a good time and trusting your family to call you IF and only IF there is a major problem.

Now my baby right now, in 5 months if someone wanted to take him over night, I think I would cry tears of joy. Not that I don't love him more then life and not that I don't want to spend all my time with him, but one night, just ONE NIGHT of sleeping all night long would be a god send to me. And he is only 6 months old and already I know my body is majorly lacking sleep. I am sure too my baby would do and sleep so much better for a night if his boobies weren't right there.


----------



## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Do you think if she's in a bed of some sort (whatever you were planning for her) right next to the sitters' bed she'll be okay? Back when my DD ws 10 months old, I would've been one of the ones to say I'd never do it, etc. Now that she's older, I wonder why I felt so strongly about it.







It may have had something to do with the fact that we didn't live near any family, so she didn't know anyone well enough to be comfortable with them overnight. I'm sure that colored my perceptions a LOT. I guess I'll find out in about a year, since I'm pregnant again. I have a feeling I will never be in a situation where I'd feel comfortable leaving a baby that age with anyone, but that's because we have a lot of...erm...not good babysitters







...between my family and DH's and we don't live close to any of them anyway.

However, I think if _you_ can do it (because your situation sounds a lot better than mine, lol) it will be fun for you and you have caretakers you and your DD are comfortable with, then there's no reason _not_ to at least give it a try. I think it must be so nice to have someone who will see to your DD's nighttime needs gently. You have a lot to be thankful for. (I'm sure you already knew.







)


----------



## MG01 (Nov 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisavark* 
Well, my DD is 22 months and I've never had a night off, but I'm going to disagree with the mamas who say they never would do it. If I had anyone willing to take care of DD for me, I would totally do it. I wish I could. I do NOT think it's biologically normal for mom to be the only one taking care of baby, 24/7, night and day, for years on end. Like a pp said, the "normal" thing, biologically, would be for another relative--an aunt, most likely--to BF the baby in mom's place while mom is out. But that's not an option for most people in our culture.









Take care of yourself, mama. A grown-up night is good for you. Especially if you think your baby is going to handle it well and not freak out. I know my baby would freak out, since I've tried it a couple of times, but I would STILL do it if I could convince my mom to try...









Yep, mamas need to meet their needs too, you know your babe and your situation better than anyone.

For us (solo mom w/ family near-by, but we clash on occasion lol- DS is 10 mos), I have been away from DS one full night because neither of us were sleeping and I was under a ton of stress and was seriously going to die or lock my son in the other room (not really but you know that point, I imagine) if I didn't get some sleep- i would not have been able to be a good mother under those circumstances so i took him somewhere (my dad and mom's) where even though my mom was not very "AP" with me/sibs growing up, I knew that she does and did give him her all and loves him completely and is gentle and loving, and he adores her. Now, did he sleep? Not so much, 45-60 minute stints on someone's lap or the pack-n-play. Will she ever do it again? It would be pretty hard to convince her. But he survived and wasn't screaming all night and I had to take care of my mental health and physical health and biological need to sleep. Again, YES, as a mama you _have to take care of yourself_ too (addressing both OP and above post here) and you know that you would need, and that your child will be with people you trust and who love her.

I have also left my son a couple times for partial nights (doula births) and returned v. late (or "early" I guess lol, depending how you see it, I'm talking 2-4 am) we then went to sleep then and slept through much of the next day together- I think he'll need to be a bit older before I really take on many birth clients, and for now am going to focus on other aspects of birth work (postpartum, lactation, etc.) and advocacy for the most part, because while he was fine (i.e. generally not miserable), he would NOT sleep and it did throw us both off schedule (well, not that we really have one, I guess a loosely defined one..)

You may well find, OP, that your bil/sil do have to stay up with her, but not all babies are like mine so who knows. And it is one single night, they have agreed so they know it may entail disruption of their usual routine and are obviously ok w/ that, yk? I do know my son, used to nursing and co-sleeping, was confused and will not just lay down and sleep without me around to nurse him to sleep (and sometimes even then he won't- he's all over the place.. 'nother time, 'nother thread..) Although, if your daughter will start in a crib and take a bottle of pumped milk, that is a very good start







And if she doesn't stay asleep, then she'll have aunt and uncle to play with or soothe her and can catch up and nap with you or in the sling when you reunite.

And with regard to the above quoted post, right on. *sigh* It really sucks that our society is structured as it is, it seems very difficult to find that balance.
This post is intriguing: http://www.hobomama.com/2009/03/pare...need-more.html

Oh one more thing- I do think if it is a fun-night (rather than an emergency) you may want to have a back-up plan just in case- i.e. at what point are you willing to say, I am too stressed, or my child is too stressed, and go home- is that an option you've considered? Not saying it's likely to happen, but plan for contingencies just in case- have fun, i think all will be well and you deserve a break and some time w/ your dh and friends!


----------



## rachandlily (Jul 15, 2008)

I love that my request for tips has spurred such a good debate/discussion...that's what MDC is for, right? No one's remarks have made me feel the least bit guilty about leaving for the night....yes, I had already made up my mind and was just looking for thoughts/tips from other mamas who have successfully done this before me. I've gotten a lot of ideas from the discussion, so thank you! I agree that even if she doesn't have a great night, my baby will be just fine, it won't scar her for life. She has plenty of rough nights when both dh and I are home with her, so another rough night, with some different loving arms will be o.k. I'm sure. I also hope and expect to be able to enjoy myself without worrying excessively/obsessively all night. Thanks mamas.


----------



## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

"I think you might be pleasantly surprised at how easily your child falls asleep without you!"

This is how it has always been for me. I have two older kids (3 and 5), and left them both overnight with my mom and dad for the first time when they were about 12 months old. No problems.

My current baby has been impossible to leave with anybody except one particular caregiver, even for brief daytime necessities like haircuts, until about three weeks ago (she is seven months old). In another three months, I don't doubt it will be possible to leave her overnight if I should want to. IME, while all kids are different, 10-12 months is a pretty typical age for a child to be able to tolerate a night away from mom without freaking out.

It's one of those things where you can't know for sure unless you try, and if you have caregivers you trust, I don't see much of a downside to trying.


----------



## pantrygirl (Jan 5, 2009)

I don't have any advice on how to do an all nighter as I have yet done so but I do feel your need to have some grown up time and 'me' time.

I don't do it often but when I do need a breather, I keep it local. Friends/neighbors with kids/fellow parents occasionally choose a local bar/diner/home and keep our cell phones on hand.

My spouse watches our daughter and I go out for an hour or two.

It does help refresh your brain.


----------



## moonmom08 (Feb 22, 2009)

I wanted to reiterate this link, SO fantastic and an oft-overlooked issue in modern APing.
http://www.hobomama.com/2009/03/pare...need-more.html

My DH and I did an overnight away from my DD when she was 15 months. My sister (who actually lived with us and DD for the first 11 months of her life) and my mom stayed with DD. She was no longer BF very often and was fine being put to bed and co-sleeping with with them. I did a solo overnight away when DD was maybe 10 months old and still BFing at night, but she took bottles just fine from DH during the night (she took the occasional bottle/day before that). My sister was there too, so she could have helped if needed. DD had no trouble drinking 30 oz or so of BM from bottles while I was gone. Now, I felt fairly confident that things would go okay before I left (meaning, I knew she would take bottles if I wasn't there, was comfortable being put down by my sister, would probably sleep ok with just DH or my sister). So if you are going to go, I assume that you already intuitively know these things about your child too.

Specific tips though: PUMP! I pumped and saved 30 oz in 24 hours away with a hand pump no less. Couldn't believe how full I got. Also, be aware your relaxing evening may not be entirely so, I was awake several times, not with worry but with habit







. I also like the idea of a back-up plan...just keep in mind "I can always just go home." Simple as that. Make sure your caregiver is very comfortable calling you and knows you won't mind for a minute her doing so!


----------



## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

Personally, I wouldn't. Not because I didn't *really* deserve it but because whomever was caring for her would be really miserable and so would DS. And knowing that I wouldn't enjoy it. I left DS for the first time when he started sleeping through the night. I would have been okay leaving if that was at 6m or 24m.


----------



## rachandlily (Jul 15, 2008)

Just wanted to post an update to this thread. Well...we survived! My dd was up a lot on NYE, but wasn't inconsolable. She was just up wanting to play with her aunt and uncle. They took turns getting up with her and putting her back to sleep. My brother ended up camping out on the floor with her for much of the night. They were fine, looking forward to a nap the next day, and safely delivered her to me. She was fine, a bit more "clingy" the next couple days and nursed more than usual once we were reunited. I stayed up until 4 a.m. playing cards, had a "few" adult beverages. Pumped fine and thoroughly enjoyed time with my husband and friends. Didn't catch up on any sleep (only about 3 hours), because of course at 7 a.m. I was up calling to see how she did....
But the next night she and I got into bed around 7:30 and cuddled all night.
Overall, a good experience for everyone. Not something I'll do too often, but I'm thrilled that it worked out as well as it did.
Thanks again for the support and insight.


----------

