# mama's sex life



## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

we haven't done the deed hardly at all since Willow was born, mostly because it was a c-birth and i'm having a lot of problems with adhesions, some PPD problems i'm also working on. just plain haven't felt like it! but now i'm feeling more like it, and i'm wondering ... what do you do if you co-sleep and you have a baby that is "hyperaware" of their surroundings?? this baby has been an open-eyed watcher of the world since day one, and she is uncanny at absorbing everything she sees. i mean, the first time i tried some rice cereal with her at 5 months (i know, bad mama, it was a reflux problem, she was refusing to eat, it worked) she grabbed the spoon and stuck it in her mouth correctly! she'd seen me eating cereal with a spoon every morning. anyway, me and my husband will be kissing intensely, and suddenly we become aware of a little person staring at us ... it is more unnerving than having a dog in the room! her gaze is so wise, and she is so intensely interested in everything we do!

i have a swing and could put her to sleep in it in the next room, then move her to the bed later on (she's good about sleeping anywhere, at the beginning of the night). but what about spontaneity? i mean, middle of the night stuff? (he comes to bed later than i do.) supposedly babies don't understand and won't remember, but the way she'll suddenly wake up and be watchful of anything really does freak me out :LOL


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## PajamaMama (Dec 18, 2004)

Just sacrifice spontaneity, and be happy with *something*, you know? Plan ahead and use another room, or put her in her swing as you said. You will feel better if you get your love life back into a normal rhythm, I think.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

We've tried waiting until she was asleep, but timing that is hard because dh is tired at night and wants to go to sleep. When she was very young, she slept a lot and it was easier, but now dh is reluctant because she might wake up. Having her in the room has definitely put a damper on things for us. If we had more free time, we could work it out, but I haven't had much of a sex drive anyway so I haven't been actively looking for a way to make it work. Although last night I made the offer and he was too tired.


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## JenniferC (Dec 5, 2002)

Sex..what's that? LOL. Seriously though, we have a high needs DD, and the only time we can get in is JUST after she falls asleep at night, since that's the only time she sleeps deeply enough not to need her mouth or hand on my nipples. Unfortunately DH is ALWAYS asleep by then, so I have to wake him up, which he doesn't always like. But if she'll go in the swing for you I'd jump at (on) the opportunity.

Have fun!


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## be11ydancer (Dec 2, 2003)

We cosleep as well and we have no sex life in the bedroom. But the rest of the house is available. While it's nice to be in bed to DTD, it's not necessary to a healthy sex life IMO. There's always the shower, couch, floor, guest bed, or any other spot really.


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## justmama (Dec 24, 2002)

We've gotten so desperate for some "alone time", not just sex, that we've started waking each other up! I went out with a friend for the first time since Sara was born(she'll be 4 months next week) and woke dh when I got home for some "lovin'" because it had been so long. Yeah it's nice to get sleep because we do miss out on some, but our marriage is more important than a lot of sleep. And I believe that sex is important to a marriage. We BOTH lay down with dd until she's asleep no matter if it's 8pm or 11pm because we snuggle each other while we snuggle dd. It's just that we have to catch it while we can. And I know there was a thread a while back about having baby in bed with you while you. . . . . do the horizontal mambo. We personally have no problem with it as long as she is sleeping. We do that. Otherwise she sits in her bouncy seat facing the other way(dh gets performance anxiety :LOL ) and we have a quickie. She has no clue what's going on and it keeps us from getting crabby with each other!!
Meg


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## katallen (Jan 4, 2005)

When she was younger and slept we did it any time we could and I was in the mood or pretended to be for husbands sake. Forget about unscheduled sex for now, it probably isn't going to happen that often so take what you can get. Probably the most spontaneous you will get is putting her in the swing when she seems happy and going for a quicky. Also, if you are uncomfortable having sex in bed while she is there try new places. I resented having sex with my husband for two years after she was born, but we tried out some new places and got a book and now I enjoy it, just not in bed.


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## muppet729 (Feb 15, 2005)

We have two beds on the floor - one queen and one twin. At this point the "Queen" gets the big bed and we end up using the twin for sex and couple snuggling.







It can be interesting, but it's worth it. Then my dh sleeps on the twin so he's not disturbed by me flipping in the middle of the night to bf dd.


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