# 9 month old wakes every 45 min and only likes lap sleep



## SarahKatN (Aug 15, 2003)

I'm having some sleep issues with my sweet baby and I have a couple method questions. Sorry I wrote a book here but I just wanted to get everything out.

*A little background...*
DD is just about 9 months old. When she was younger, she was a good sleeper. We had her in a sidecar bassinet for three months and then moved her to her crib in her room at that point with no trouble whatsoever. She was consistantly going down at 7pm and waking in the morning at 8am with two nursings usually at 12 and 4. That was a good setup for all of us.

*Then came the problems...*
Just shy of 7 months, she started waking much more frequently. We're talking every 45 minutes to 2 hours. She didn't want to nurse, just be comforted. She would fall asleep instantly in my arms but would either wake up as soon as I laid her down or only 45 minutes later. She got two teeth later that week and sleep improved a little but now it's two months later and we're still doing this same thing every night with no more teeth to show for it.

I can no longer put her in her crib awake, only asleep. As far as naps go, she takes those every day on a boppy on my lap. I think letting her take her naps there has confused her, a "Why can I sleep on Mommy's lap during the day but not at night?" sort of thing. However, I don't know how to make the move to crib napping since she cries when I put her in there. I'm very opposed to cio. I think the issues are related. She falls asleep nursing on my lap during the day and I let her sleep there. At night, she falls asleep on my lap and I put her in her crib. She wakes up and can't get back to sleep on her own since she always falls asleep on my lap. I can't help her learn to fall asleep on her own in her crib because she cries.

*Trying solutions...*
I thought that maybe getting her to fall asleep on her own was unreasonable for her so rather than focus on that, I tried to address why she is waking so often. I know that babies should never be "expected" to sleep through the night. However, I think something isn't right if a 9 month old is generally sleeping in such very short stretches. This, again, I can relate to her naps which 50% of the time last 45 minutes on the dot (though the other 50% she can go up to 2 hours on my lap). Anyhow, she isn't hungry, wet, cold, hot, or not tired, so I can't pinpoint why she is waking up so often.

Since I couldn't figure out why she was waking, I thought I'd try to help her fall asleep on her own. Last night I tried a method I heard about on one of these boards. She was in her crib and I was sitting next to her on the floor with my arm in with her. First she played, then she cried one big yell, then she laid down and kind of whined, then she almost fell asleep, then she started crying harder so I picked her up. I wanted to ask your opinions on this method. The first few nights sit by her crib and rub her back and talk/sing as much as she needs until she falls asleep. Once that is good, move a bit farther from the crib, continuing until out of the room. The thing is she still cried even with me right there.

*My questions are...*
Why would DD be waking up every 45min-2hours at 9 months old?
Is the method of putting her in her crib awake and rubbing her back until she falls asleep no better than CIO?
Does anyone have any suggestions for either getting her to sleep longer or helping her fall asleep on her own? I'd only like her to do one or the other, really, lol.

P.S. Regarding cosleeping, we do this when it's one of those nights where she is waking every 45 minutes and is taking an hour to get her asleep and in her crib. The thing is, none of us sleep well when we cosleep. I don't mind doing it when we need to but I don't think it's a long term solution for us.

Thanks.


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## turtlemama77 (Jul 29, 2005)

My dd is a little older than yours (10.5 months) and starting at about 8 months, she became very wakeful at night. I've read that lots of things affect baby's sleep, teething, separation anxiety, meeting new milestones...so much is going on during the day that baby has a harder time sleeping at night.

I know you mentioned that you maybe aren't interested in cosleeping as a solution, but there are many ways to cosleep that don't necessarily include baby right next to you in bed. It works for us to start dd out in her crib when she falls asleep at her bedtime (usually between 7-8pm, always nursed to sleep). Then when she wakes 2-3 hours later (or sooner...whatever), I bring her to bed with me. I will tell you, cosleeping was something I had to get used to. The first couple of weeks it wasn't the greatest, but dd was actually sleeping, and I was sleeping a lot more than I was when I was getting up with her all the time. Now I really like it because I don't have to get up and go to a different room and try to rock/nurse dd to sleep (in the cold!!).









You could also try a crib in your bedroom, a cosleeper attached to your bed...I'm sure others will have more ideas. I don't think cosleeping has to be a long term solution, either. Reese has been more wakeful at night, I think, because she wants to be close to me, much like she has wanted to be close to me during the day. It's very lonely and scary for a baby to wake all alone. Who knows? She may in a few months go back to sleeping in her crib (she's quite the tosser and turner...likes lots of room). My point is that things can change so quickly with babies!

As far as falling asleep on her own, your dd most likely isn't ready for that. I've come to the realization that maybe babies don't NEED to be taught how to go to sleep. When they're babies, they need to be parented to sleep. If dd is crying when you put her in her crib, she's communicating with you that it's not working for her.

Solutions? My best advice is to be flexible when it comes to sleep/night time parenting. Probably not what you want to hear, but it really helped me to just let go and do whatever it took/whatever my dd needed so that we all get sleep.

I don't know if that helps, but you're not alone! This too shall pass, right?









Take care,
Sheri
Reese (12-22-04)


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## pixiexto (Mar 6, 2003)

Well, you probably won't like my answer... but here goes









I think that it sounds like your expectations are high.

My youngest DD is 9 1/2 months old and sleeps rather erratically still. Like you describe with your DD, when she was very young (i.e. up to 6 months or so) she would fall asleep by 7:30 - I could lay her down in the pack & play, and she wouldn't make a peep until 1am or so when I'd bring her to bed. Then she'd nurse once in the night and that was it. It was pretty nice, I'll admit it, but even at the time I told myself not to get used to it! These things go in cycles, kwim? She will return to sleeping more restfully before long. Hey, my eldest DD didn't ever have the "easy stretch" with sleep until she was two, so I figure I was lucky with the time I got with DD #2









I would honestly recommend seeking a co-sleeping solution. Maybe a larger mattress? An inexpensive way of doing this is to put your mattress on the floor and then sidecar a twin mattress. Or take your mattress off the boxspring too, then you could likely sidecar the crib mattress with little difference in height.








Honestly, it *does* ease. When she's older, this will all be a fond memory. Try to enjoy the quiet nighttime cuddles and make changes to increase the amount of sleep you're all getting.


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## jillmamma (Apr 11, 2005)

One thing that worked with my son...he liked to nap on the boppy on my lap too...was to keep him on the boppy, but slide it with him still on it next to me on the couch. I still sat there, but he learned to stay asleep or go back to sleep quickly without being ON me. Even now at almost 3, he likes to sleep on the boppy for naps and bed (I have 3 of them...2 for him, 1 for dd). At night I would nurse him down on it, and then carry him up to bed still on the boppy and put him in bed laying on it. It got me a bit of a longer stretch of sleep anyway, and helped with him not waking up right away when I laid him down. 9 months is prime age for teething, start of separation anxiety, and learning new motor skills like crawling, cruising, walking, etc. which can all interfere with sleep. For teething, we used Hylands Teething Tablets (got them at Walmart) and a dose of Motrin before bed, which helped get a longer stretch of sleep. For the other issues, the best I can say is maybe try having the crib in your room (either sidecar it to your bed or have it set up in there, whatever works for you) so you can respond as quickly as possible when she wakes, so she does not get to "full out" crying which is harder to calm them down. Or, just ditch the crib all together. By that I mean, childproof her room, put a gate in the doorway so she can't wander at night, put the crib mattress on the floor and lay down on it to nurse her off to sleep and sneak off once she is asleep.


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## darwinphish (Feb 13, 2005)

Ah, yes, DD is 10 months and we are there too. She only falls asleep in my arms and then I can move to bed with her, but no more cribs. Up until about a month ago, she was a 12-hr a night crib sleeper. Things change so quickly!

Our solution? We moved the bed onto the floor, DH moved out into the guestroom, and DD and I sleep on the big bed. It may sound odd, but it works for us.

Have you thought of sidecarring your crib next to your bed? That way you could be lying next to her while she falls asleep. I think that seperation anxiety is a HUGE issue at this age... she probably wants to feel you/look at you while she is sleeping, and she gets scared or anxious when she wakes up and you're not there, so she can't soothe herself back to sleep. She probably woke up just as much before, but just went to sleep on her own b/c she didn't have that "where's Mommy?" awareness yet.








I totally know how you feel! But I do think we have babies going through a very normal developmental stage that translates to less sleep overall. :sigh:


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## beansavi (Jun 26, 2005)

Sounds like separation anxiety to me...very typical in both mine when they were 9 months...


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## alybeans (May 22, 2005)

I'd bet you $20 she's teething! Aly did the same thing for months and every few weeks she got another tooth. She's suddenly sleeping much better and there are no signs of impending teeth. I know it sucks but I don't think there is a whole lot you can do. We started cosleeping because of this and it made it much more bearable. This won't last forever! Hang in there.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

I hate to say it, but my daughter used to sleep wonderfully, too -- until she was about 8 months old. She hit a growth spurt, developmental spurt, and teething all at once and that was the end of that. Since then she's had more frequent-waking nights than not. (She's also be cycling through teething, developmental, and growing phases almost constantly since then. She's 11 months old.) We're trying to be patient and flexible, because really, there isn't much else we can do at this point without causing more harm than good. We cosleep, I try to nap with her during the day to catch up, and my husband has taken over morning potty time when she wakes up so I can catch an extra 10-15 minutes of sleep/rest before starting my day. I just keep telling myself "this too shall pass."


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

Teething.

More teething.

And then some more teething.



















Deal with the teething. Really.

And then it continues on and off for the next two years.

(IMO teething is so underrated as a cause of sleep problems ...)


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## SarahKatN (Aug 15, 2003)

Thanks you all for your replies!

*turtlemama77*, thanks for reminding me that cosleeping can mean different things. I'd love to bring her crib into our room but we'd have to take it completely apart and rebuild it since it won't fit through our doors, lol. Still, it might be worth a try. I think that would be a possible compromise for us since all of us (including DD) value room when we sleep.

*pixiexto*, I hear you on the cycles! Before DD was born, friends told us that as soon as we get used to something odds are she'll change it up on us. I know this will pass eventually, I just thought it would be now since it's been over 2 months now. You're right about the nighttime cuddles. Even DH says when he goes in there to soothe her it's impossible to get that frustrated looking down at the angel in your arms.

*jillmamma*, interesting boppy technique! I'm in a recliner in her room so when I've tried to set it down with her on it I've had limited success since I have to get up and move around so much. Next to me on the couch or bed might be good. I am SO tempted to ditch the crib. I'd love to put a queen size bed in her room on the floor and surround it with those guard rails. Then I could nurse her to sleep and slip away if need be. Something to think about, for sure...

*darwinphish* and *beansavi,* I think you're right about the separation anxiety. She HATES for me to leave the room. She hates for me to be on the other side of the room! I've thought about not even worrying about this sleep stuff until she passes the anxiety because it seems like a losing battle.

*alybeans*, lol you're on! No, seriously, I bet there is some teething going on. The thing that is weird is that she slept poorly for a week in August, got her two bottom teeth, and that night slept great! That lasted about a week...So this has been going on for two months with no new teeth. I just wish they'd pop through so that would be done for now.

*earthmama369*, so very true about it being new development after new development. The last two months have literally gone teething, start of separation anxiety, vacation, return from vacation, allergies, learned to sit up, learned to crawl, and now her allergies came back a few days ago. And all the while I'm sure she has teething pressure, as well. Poor girl has had no break. Flexibility is absolutely key and DH and I are pretty patient so we're willing to try anything or nothing, whatever she needs.

*merpk* , yeah I had no idea how long teething would last! Sometimes the Hylands help, sometimes they don't. I can't believe how long she has already been teething with only 2 to show for it.

You know, she really teased us the day after she learned to crawl. For two nights in a row she slept through the night, 7pm-8am waking once at 4am, self-soothing with no crying, and back to sleep. It was pure bliss. I joke that she wanted me to catch up on sleep for round 2!

I'm appreciating all the suggestions! It helps to know we're not alone...


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## pixiexto (Mar 6, 2003)

I have to recommend Chamomilla for teething... seriously, this stuff is GOLD to us! It works super for easing angst-filled days in my three year old from time to time too... Seriously, gold.










Oh, and the Boppy trick is a great one! I used this with DD #1 all the time, and it was how I began to transition her to sleeping off of my lap. All worship the Boppy! (and Chamomilla...







)


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