# How do you get through the days that seem impossiable?



## katytheprincess2 (Jun 10, 2004)

I have been having a really hard time for the past three days or so. I know that the grief process is complicated and hard but I am having a hard time even doing day to day tasks. I am very depressed and please no flames, but there have been many times in the past few days where I wish I could just go with her because the pain seems to much to handle. I am in cousuling and see hospice on Monday and also have another counsler that I see every week. I am on tons of meds for panic and depression but nothing eases the pain. I am a single parent and have three little boys that I take care of by myself. I spend most of my day alone and this makes it more unbearable. It kinda seems like sense the funeral everyone has just kinda moved on and forgot about me while I am still stuck here in my pain. The thoughts I have been having are starting to scare me. Please can someone tell me if this is normal? Please everyone would you lift me up in your prayers because the lord and my faith in him is all that keeps me going. Hugs to all mamas here as I know you have all lost your babies too. Why is life so unfair.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

mama, you are in my prayers. i know that you will grieve and miss naomi forever, but i pray that your despair lessens soon.


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## ChesapeakeBorn (Jun 23, 2007)

katytheprincess2, I am crying for you as I write this. I have just finished praying for you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. As I imagine your despair, my hearts breaks and I know that your pain is overwhelming. Allow yourself to grieve. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for you to find your way back up again. And even then, you may stumble down a bit now and then. Find joy in your boys, strength in raising them to be young men, and may God bless you with peace and comfort. We are here for you always.


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## firemommaof1 (Jul 3, 2006)

Dh and I will be praying for you... the lord is good and he will lift you up... you do not walk alone


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## sewinmama (May 3, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for all mamas and babies.

I can't say that I know how you feel, because I still have dp and have work to throw myself into. Shortly after we lost Chloe was 4th of July week and we went to the parades and stuff that we had already planned. The distraction helped me.

Please continue with your counseling and don't hold back. They have a huge capacity to help or at the least provide some unjudgemental support. Hopefully your have found that here as well.a

Are you taking antidepressants? They might help you. Talk to your doctor about the possibility. I put it off for a long time, but my counselor told me to look at it like crutches. If my leg was broken, I would use crutches to walk, but since my heart was broken, I needed the drugs. Not forever. Just for now.

I was taking them before Chloe and went right back to them after her birth/death and I believe that they are helping me cope. Not forget, but see that other things are important and need my attention too. Including the children.

Huge hugs to you during this horrible time. My prayers are with you.


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I have tears on my face and my heart is broken for you. Please know that you are in my prayers.


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## ~Katrinka~ (Feb 4, 2007)

I understand about wanting to be with your little girl. It was my first thought after I found out mine had died, and the thought returned many times, in a abstract way, during the weeks that followed.
I am sure you know this already, but if you start having any concrete ideas about how to be with your baby, then you need to get on the phone and call your counselor or 911 immediately. Your boys love you and need you so much.
The days are long in the beginning. I measured them at first, breath by breath, then minute by minute, then hour by hour. After 3 weeks, it got more bearable. Just take every minute and get through it. Hopefully, your other children will help you feel comfort and joy again. You have lots of the hard work of healing ahead of you; remember to reach out for help as often as you need it, whether it's here or to your counselor or a friend. Just because people have pulled back from you doesn't mean they don't care and wouldn't help if you asked. They are probably unsure of what to do and need a concrete invitation, like "please come spend the day with me and the boys tomorrow or the next day."







saying a prayer for you and all your children.


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## jsmith2279 (Jan 12, 2007)

::::::::::: love and peace to your beautiful daughter ::::::::::::

I will pray for you, dear mamma.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

You are doing your best by getting up everyday and facing the world. Nobody bounces back from losing a child, it is a slow, gradual process of learning to live with it.

But your baby girl does not need you, she is at peace. Your sons here on earth need you. Nothing would be improved by you not being here.

Please, do what Katrinka said. If you really are serious about taking your life, call 911 or a suicide hotline.

Your feelings are NOT abnormal. But if they stay around too long, or you want to act on them, you may need some extra help.

And you aren't alone. We are all real people who talk here, you can talk with us.

I will be keeping you in my prayers. Please check in with us often.


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## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

You are a brave woman but you can't bear this burden all by yourself. I'm so glad to hear you're going to counselling - it really helped me.
But is there someone who could look after the boys a few days a weeks so that you can take care of yourself? Is there a family member, neighbour or someone at church? Is there a support group for bereaved parents near you? Your faith is strong - is there a family night at church you could attend with the boys or a women's bible study group?
Please reach out for support - grief is a lonely road.


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## jerri (Apr 6, 2005)

I'm sorry you are having those rough days.
God carries us when we are too weak to walk.


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## katytheprincess2 (Jun 10, 2004)

Thanks so much mamas! Hugs to all of you


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## jl22martin (Apr 29, 2006)

i'm so sorry for your loss. You daughter loves you very much and wouldn't want you to be so sad. Just keep hugging your boys and lean on them a bit. The unconditional love a child gives you can work miracles. God has a time and a place for you and your daughter to reunite. Place that in His hands and try to hold on until it comes. Your sons will need you. Just think of all you'd miss with them. Do you have anyone you can call to come over or meet you for a playdate? I know how hard it is to be alone. It doesn't help you overcome your grief. Being alone and griefing can swallow you up. Start small, count every time you can smile or laugh and hold on to that because it will get better. It'll take awhile but just hold on. I'm praying for you and your children.


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)




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## maisiedotes (Jan 2, 2005)

I am so very sorry. It is so unfair that anyone has to go through losing a child. When I lost my son I went through alot of suicidal feelings and through my counselor I got into a partial hospital (it is basically the psychiatric ward of the hospital but you go during the day and go home at night). It was SO helpful to me- they helped me learn ways to occupy myself when things got really lonely. It has been over 2 years for me and sometimes it is still hard but I try to utilize the things they taught me to get through it. I am sure alot of hospitals have programs like this. You and your family are in my thoughts. Much love.


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## katytheprincess2 (Jun 10, 2004)

Thanks to everyone. For some reason the past couple days have been really rough. Prayers would mean the world to me right now. God bless all you mamas you have been so wonderful in my time of grief.


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## amydawnsmommy (Mar 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katytheprincess2* 
I have been having a really hard time for the past three days or so. I know that the grief process is complicated and hard but I am having a hard time even doing day to day tasks.









I am so sorry to hear of the death of your precious baby Naomi.

What you are feeling is completely normal. Grief is overwhelming at first.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *katytheprincess2* 
I am very depressed and please no flames, but there have been many times in the past few days where I wish I could just go with her because the pain seems to much to handle. I am in cousuling and see hospice on Monday and also have another counsler that I see every week. I am on tons of meds for panic and depression but nothing eases the pain. I am a single parent and have three little boys that I take care of by myself. I spend most of my day alone and this makes it more unbearable.

This is completely normal too.







Of course you want to be with your baby. I am glad to hear you are getting the support of a counsellor and the hospice.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katytheprincess2* 
It kinda seems like since the funeral everyone has just kinda moved on and forgot about me while I am still stuck here in my pain. The thoughts I have been having are starting to scare me. Please can someone tell me if this is normal? Please everyone would you lift me up in your prayers because the lord and my faith in him is all that keeps me going. Hugs to all mamas here as I know you have all lost your babies too. Why is life so unfair.

This is all normal too. Painful, but normal. I am so sorry.









Which scary thoughts are you having?

I highly recommend getting a copy of the book Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah Davis. It really helps!

Allow yourself to talk, write, journal and cry it out as much as you need to, for as long as you need to. This is how we get through grief.

Know that we are here for you always, any time of day or night.
What you are feeling is completely normal.


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## heidsz (Mar 2, 2006)

I am sorry for your pain. My son died at 38 weeks about a week or so before your daughter died. Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions of life. But I do feel a little better then when it first happened. I have several books if you are interested that I would send to you if you wanted them (for free). They have helped me realize I am not crazy for feeling the way I have. Please let me know and I will gladly mail them to you. You can email me off line if you woud want [email protected] . I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is a horrible thing and losing a child is just unimaginable, but I have to hold on to the thought that God has a reason for letting these things happen, there has to be a purpose although I can't imagaine what at this point. I have to be somewhat positive about the future or I would really be in worse condition. I had those same thoughts of wanting to go be with my son, but I know that is not possible.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

I came here with the same question this morning. It has been just a week and the world is supposed to go with me in it and I am supposed to act like nothing happened. DH is now help and the kids can't understand. So it is me and my cyber sisters to work out my grief. I am going to cry o er my NB stash right now since I have to clean the boys room anyway--what a trigger.


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