# She poops as a stall technique to avoid going to sleep! What should I do?



## Kim22 (Jul 14, 2003)

Sydney has been daytime potty trained for a long time now. She rarely has any accidents (just the ones when she waits too long to run to the potty, and pees as she's getting onto the toilet) and never any poopy accidents. Undies all day, every day, except for naptime and bedtime. She still wears diapers when she sleeps. She wakes up with a very wet diaper every morning, and always a wet diaper after naps. I'm not sure if she pees when she's asleep or when she's awake in her bed either going to sleep or waking up.

This child of mine will save her poop for sleeptime. Part of our bedtime routine is going to the potty. She will always pee. I always encourage her to try to poop, too. Sometimes she will, other times she won't. We finish our bedtime routine, I leave the room. Five minutes later I hear a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on her bedroom door. (She has one of those kid-proof doorknob covers on the inside doorknob of her room so she can't get out.) I open the door and she has a huge grin on her face and says, "I have poopy in my diaper." I change her and send her back to bed. I don't talk to her any more than I have to because I don't want her to think if she poops she can get up and talk for a while. I've tried making a big deal out of it and it didn't get any better, so I've stopped making a big deal. I get her up, change her, and send her back to bed. That's it. Why does she keep doing this?!?! It's driving me insane! When she knocks on the door she wakes Luke up, who is asleep in his room which is right next to her room.

Any ideas on what I should/can do to make her stop doing this? She's doing it on purpose, without a doubt. Bribery will work for a few days, then she starts up again when she gets bored with that. A couple of people have told me to just let her sleep in it. I WILL NOT LET HER SLEEP IN POOP!!! The only thing I can think of to try is taking a privilege away. "If you poop in your diaper at bedtime you can't play the computer/watch Strawberry Shortcake/etc. tomorrow." I'm just not sure if that's the right thing to do, or if it's against the "parenting laws" to reprimand her for pooping. KWIM? What would you do?


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## sixpence1978 (Sep 21, 2002)

oh man...I can totally relate to where you are coming from. My DS (now 4.5) used to do that at nap time to avoid going to sleep. Of course I would change it...don't even think about not because...ewww.

I think all I did was keep telling my DS that he was a big boy and that I expected him to go in the potty and he eventually just gave it up (it took a few months though). I guess it was just a phase that gets boring especially if you don't make too big of a deal about it.

So, I guess my advice would be to just change her without showing that frustration lurking underneath. Remind her calmly as you change her that you expect he to go in the potty and if you think it would help to take away a privilege for the next morning then I would try that.

Hope she stops soon!


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

You could try not locking her in her room or expecting her to go to bed before she's ready. All I ever do when I try to get DD to go to bed when I want her to rather than when she does is a lot off unnecessary stress.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I wouldnt do any kind of repramand for the pooping I would just change the diaper and not say anything. I learned the hard way that they can have some major issues if pushed to hard. Anouther thing it isnt my place to tell anyone how to parent but locking my dd in a room were she couldnt get out scares the crap outta me what if a fire starts in there?? I am sorry if i came off judgmental prolly shouldnt have said anything at all







but I just had to comment. Sorry.

I remember when I was thinking of moving dd out of the family bed, I was afraid to put her in her room because she might get out and get hurt it was suggested that I put up 2 gates 1 on top of the other so that she couldnt get out of her room my responce to the person who suggested it was what if there is a fire or someone breaks in the house?? How would she get out get awy, they said u cant worry about every little thing that could happen. Dd is 5yo now and still sleeps in our bedroom she has her own bed in there tho. But I still am not comfortable with her being in locked in a room with no way out. Just makes me shudder when I think about it.


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## 3ncountin (Nov 12, 2005)

Not really trying to come off as judgemental either but what is the reasoning for locking your dd in her room?Maybe she's so scared locked in there shes pooping herself and can you really blame her? I mean if my husband locked me in my bedroom I'd do whatever i needed to do to get out so I guess I wouldnt be suprised at a toddler using whatever she must to get out.


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## Kim22 (Jul 14, 2003)

Without the doorknob cover on she won't stay in her room, no matter how tired she is. She's definitely tired and ready for bed when she goes in there. We tried taking it off not too long ago, and woke up to her wandering around the house in the middle of the night. She pulled our bedroom door closed and all I could see was the light on in the hallway. Scared the heck out of us!







Our room is right next to hers, no worries of not knowing if there's a fire.


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## katallen (Jan 4, 2005)

I really doubt that she will care if you take away something from her that you may or may not have let her do the next day anyways. Besides that, you shouldn't be punishing bodily functions, I don't think there are any parenting books, even harsh ones, that reccommend that you do punish children for pooping even at inconvenient times, it tends to turn things into a power game. If you are very annoyed when you punish her for pooping when it is not convenient for you it may scare her into not pooping at all. If you don't expect her to sleep in poop and won't let her out of her room after you close her in at night then she has no other option but to knock on the door to get your attention so you can change her. If it really upsets you that much then maybe you could make the house childproof so she can wander around without scaring you, maybe put the child lock on the front door, or one of you could stay with her until she falls asleep. Soon she will learn to open the doorknob cover so childproofing the rest of the house now may prevent a bigger scare later when she wanders outside when you thought she was safely locked in her room.


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

well we have to close our kiddos door tight or the kitties will wake them up for lovin.. my dd(2) cant open the door, so she knocks or yells......... i always hear her, and my ds(4) can open the door.

but back to the origional topic, pooping at bedtime. do you think its because she just doesnt like to poop on the potty? Otherwise, i would make a pom pom jar, and let her put a pom pom in it eveyr time she successfully goes to bed without pooping in the diaper. Tell her she has two choices, she can go to sleep if she doesnt need to poop, or she can get up and tell you she needs to go. Once it fills up to the top, she can choose a reward (whatever you want it to be) and you start all over again. This is a constant reward, yuou keep the jar where she can see it and see her improvement, and its not an everyday actual reward, and you can kind of taper off with it if it works, if not you stick with it and reward her less (stuff those pompoms down so it takes longer to fill the jar.... or get new prettier (and smaller)ones to kind of take longer to get to the reward.


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## emblmrgrl (Jul 21, 2004)

Have you tried going to underwear at night? Maybe if she knew there was no diaper to go in she'd try going potty.

For us, as long as my little ones were in diapers at night, they used them. Sure, I had more laundry the first couple days and then again on the odd occasion, but as long as you're prepared for that it's no big deal.

Hope you find something that works.


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## Dakota's Mom (Apr 8, 2003)

I had to laugh when I read this post. My DS is right now sitting in the bathroom because he has to go. It is totally an excuse to stay up at night. We started putting him to bed at 8:30. It is now 9:50 and he is in the bathroom pooping. He has gotten up 4 times to go peepee so far tonight. I would much rather have him go to the bathrrom 10 times than have him wet the bed. He has not had a single wet bed since he decided that he did not want to wear diapers any more a couple of months before his third birthday. DH however gets thouroughly annoyed with all the bathroom trips. I don't care if he's in bed at 9:00 or 10:00. DH wants to be done with parenting for the night by 8:00. That's where the problem comes in for us.

Your DD may be doing it just to stay up later. Or she may really need your attention. I certainly wouldn't punish her for pooping. That will really cause problems. My DS would hold his poopies until he had his bedtime diaper on for a long time. Turned out he was afraid to go in the potty because Nemo lives in the water and you don't go poop on Nemo. Once we figured this out and had a talk about where Nemo really lives (not in the potty) He has had a poopy accident since.

Kathi


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

Lay her down at bedtime, leave the doorknob cover off. Tell her when she's ready to poop, to come out and sit on the potty. When she's done, put her back to bed with the doorknob cover on. Would that work? that way, she's getting up to go, she's not waking up her brother, you don't have to change another diaper.


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## nichole (Feb 9, 2004)

we are lucky that we can put a gate in the hall and the only place my son can go is into our room or just hang out in the hall if he gets out of bed in the middle of the night. i don't think there is anything wrong with what you are doing. you didn't say anything about you locking her up in there and her screaming to get out. and you said punishing for accidents was something you didnt want to do. maybe i need to reread...i dont get why everyone is flipping out on you.

i'm not sure but my son would have to get out of bed to poop right before falling asleep which would delay bedtime. it was just a phase. and yes he was doing it on purpose. it wasn't because he was scared of going to bed. i stayed there with him. it was (1) he rather be awake than sleeping even though he was just on the verge of falling asleep and (2) he was potty training and had it on his mind i'm sure.

good luck. i say keep doing what you are doing.


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

I would try to let it go. Maybe she is waiting to poop in the diaper because she doestn want to poop on the potty.
Maybe the urge isnt there yet before she goes to bed but comes once she starts to relax.
(really, I couldnt go even 15 minutes before my body decides it is ready.)
Maybe she IS stalling, but you cant just poop because you want to. If your body isnt ready to, no amount of not wanting to sleep is going to make it happen. SO the REAL issue is that the urge hits around bedtime. Maybe she holds it until she gets the diaper on. Maybe the urge doesnt always hit till after she is in bed.
But this is a biological process and not something that can be punished or shamed away.
Is there any signal you can set up so she can let you know she needs to be changed without waking her brother?
Perhaps a bedtime of 15-30 minutes later will time the urge to go before bedtime rather than after.
I like the reward suggestion of the pom pons in the jar like the PP mentioned.
But even so, I think I would try to let it go. She cant get out of going to bed forever with this tactic so even if she wants to delay bedtime, how far is she goign to get? It is not like she is pooping again every time you change her diaper. At least she tells you. Sometimes my dd poops in her diaper then promptly falls asleep without alerting me. Then she wakes to dried on poop and a diaper rash.

I also wanted to add that my 2 year old twins also sleep in a room with a doorknob cover and I dont think there is anything wrong with it.
J


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## MyrDawn (Nov 24, 2005)

We don't use a doorknob cover but we keep a safety gate across our DD's doorway when she's in bed. I sure prefer doorknob covers and safety gates over what happened to my friend that didn't use any. Her toddler woke up during the night, managed to pull a chair over and unhook the saftey chain on their front door, open both locks, and get out of the house. Someone who lived almost a block away heard him crying in their yard. Luckily, they knew where he lived. It was the middle of the night and very cold out! I shudder to think what could have happened if the neighbor hadn't heard him!

Now, for the going poop after he's in bed. I think it's probably a stalling techinque, too. Kids that age are pretty good at stalling, If you think it's stalling, I think I'd try telling her she'll have to go to bed half an hour earlier every night until she stops pooping after she goes to bed, because you're afraid she won't get enough sleep. Maybe she'll decide it's not worth it that way.


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## Kim22 (Jul 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nichole*
i don't think there is anything wrong with what you are doing. you didn't say anything about you locking her up in there and her screaming to get out. and you said punishing for accidents was something you didnt want to do. maybe i need to reread...i dont get why everyone is flipping out on you.

i say keep doing what you are doing.









Thank you so much!


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

I don't think you should reprimand her or take anything away, but I don't think there's anything more you can do but do as you have been. Change her and send her back to bed.

I don't know if I'd consider it stalling though, she obviously has to go or else nothing would come out, you know? Maybe that's just her inner clockwork, going the same time everyday?


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## oyemicanto (Feb 11, 2005)

I find that by getting into bed and chatting and singing for a few minutes with her (DD 4 y.o.), and staying with her until she falls asleep eliminates any struggle over going to bed. It's a nice time for us to be together and talk about anything she wants to talk about, and she feels safe and happy when she goes to sleep.

As far as pooping as a stalling technique, maybe it is, maybe it's not, only your daughter knows. I wouldn't even give it a second thought except maybe to change the going to bed routine.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

What could be happening is she is starting to relax, as she relax it just comes.

I would put a potty chair in her room and/or to out of her room.

I think the snarkiness is that your child can't get out of the room. That compounds your issue.


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## kwillmorth (Aug 8, 2005)

Heh heh! Gotta love these forums. I get such a kick out of reading all the "Hey, I Was Going To Ask That a Month Ago" threads...=)

Anyway, we went through EXACTLY this a couple months ago with my DS, then about 2 1/4. The biggest part of it I think, is just a phase. My other friends with older kids went through the same thing and just rode it out for a couple of months. But, one thing we did do that worked great for us was to start the bedtime routine of jammies, brush teeth, whatever, maybe 10 minutes earlier, then INTO the bed for a couple of stories. After 2 or 3 stories we'd casually slip in, "hmmm, I think I need to go potty," or "does anyone need to use the potty?" No mention of using it before bed, or before lights out, just a suggestion. He took us up on it 90% of the time. He'd get the job done, then we'd make a game out of racing back to his bedroom. He didn't get poop in his diaper, and he got to bed on time. Everybody wins! Of course, it makes for a bit longer bedtime routine, but we also didn't have to change a poopy diaper! We couldn't try others' suggestion of *just* moving bedtime up a half hour or whatever because my son as a serious internal clock. You can't trick him into thinking it's another time of day just by chaning routine. I swear he knows exactly what time it is all the time.

Anyway, you might give it a try. It sounds plausible that maybe their little bodies relax just enough after they get into bed to get the urge. This way, it eases them into bed, but still gives them a chance while you're there to attend to them.

So, we past that hurdle ourselves. Now if only we could get over the backsliding that happened after our vacation last month, I'd be thrilled! One step at a time I guess. =)

Krista


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

On the securing-child-in-bedroom thing: I have put some serious thought into this as ds is getting older and I know he will transition out of the crib someday soon. There is no way, NONE, that my entire house could be childproofed sufficiently to keep him safe. He is smart, adventurous and has no sense of caution or self-preservation. I would not hesitate to secure a mentally confused elder in a safe room while the household was asleep, and I think it's kind of scary that some people here are so opposed to doing it with toddlers. Although we all know darn good and well that they'd change their tune the very first time their kid wound up in danger. My rule is, I don't sleep unless ds is safe from the dogs, the cat, the toilets and his own creative ideas about how to pile stuff up and climb up it. He can't keep himself safe yet, he's not even 2 years old for godsake.

On the pooping thing: I think you're totally right not to let her sleep in it (yuck!), but if rewards just plain aren't working, you might try establishing an earlier bedtime and explain that because she's waking up to poop and missing needed sleep, the bedtime routine needs to start earlier. You might have this conversation earlier in the day, and when she protests, offer her a poop-inducing snack like prunes with lots of water and suggest that pooping before bedtime will solve the problem. I think the ultimate solution is to work her pooping schedule around to afternoon, so that the bedtime issue is moot. Obviously, that will take time.


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## nichole (Feb 9, 2004)

i totally agree with krista. we had to plan the bedtime routine like 20 minutes earlier to allow for him to get out of bed and poop.

he really was stalling. he would never tell me he had to poop any other time of day. all the other times i would take him to the potty based on timing or body language. then right before bed i would take him to the potty and he would not go. he hardly would ever have a poopy diaper at night time. i think it is more natural for most people to go in the morning or after a meal. he would feel himself drifting off and make excuses to get out of bed. like needing water. so then i learned to keep a cup of water by the bed. it was like this little lightbulb would go off in his head-hey this is boring...going potty would be more fun. seriously! i mean sometimes he would ask to go pee even though he just peed. i would of course give him the benefit of the doubt, but after a few trips to the potty and no pee, i would start to catch on. same thing with poop. so i would just start the routine earlier and plan for a few trips to the bathroom.

it doesn't sound like much time but then we have to get back into bed and he has to relax all over again. then he would go to bed at say 10pm instead of say 9pm and wake up at the same time. then he would be tired and cranky.

anyway, he doesn't do it anymore. often times i will give him some juice in the morning and that gets things going.


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## Kim22 (Jul 14, 2003)

Thank you for the _helpful_ comments and suggestions. Thanks also to those of you who sent me supportive PMs.


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