# WWYD if someone else's toddler (who you didn't know) kept sitting on your lap?



## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

This is a bit of a weird question. I was at Barnes & Noble today for Storytime, and during the story, my DD (19 months) was running around grabbing books off the shelves (of course) but within eyesight, so i was sitting on the floor. All of a sudden, this little girl, about 2 years old, comes over and just plops into my lap. She was making it clear that she wanted me to read to her. For some reason it made me really uncomfortable. I was like, what do I do? On one hand, whats the big deal, but mostly I just was wondering where her mother was. This went on for like 5- 10 minutes. I would try to gently have her sit on the floor next to me, but she just kept trying to sit on me, lol. Finally my DD caught on and got mad and started hitting her (still no parents in sight) so we got up and moved. An elderly women later came up to me and apologized about the situation, which was nice. But my thing is, I would never let my child sit on a stranger's lap, and if she did I would immediately go over and get her, and apologize. It is just...odd? I don't know. Thoughts?

ETA: If it is a friend's kid or a kid in your regular playgroup- THAT doesn't bother me at all.


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

Kids come up & sit on my lap all the time.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

So maybe I just overreacted?


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## Loki (Feb 23, 2004)

This happens to me on occasion at my son's preschool if I sit down with them during "group time" when I come pick him up, occasionally another kid will want to sit in my lap. My son isn't too keen on sharing my lap, even if he's not in it at the moment, plus some of the kids I don't know well and it just wouldn't seem appropriate.

The trick I learned from the teachers there (who use it when they're the one running group and can't have someone in their lap) is just to simply say "I'm sorry my lap is closed right now" - sounds really wierd, but for some reason the little ones "get it" more - like a store is closed so you can't go in, etc.


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## katiedidbug (Dec 16, 2006)

Amila, I understand. That would totally freak me out.


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## ryleeee (Feb 9, 2005)

this happens to me ALL THE TIME! i don't know why small children are so drawn to me, but they are. maybe because i have purple dreads, tattoos and piercings? i don't know. but seriously. WHERE ARE THE EFFING PARENTS? it really freaks me out, and it makes me feel bad for my son who gets jealous and doesn't understand (of course)...i don't want to just ditch the kid if their parent isn't in sight, so i end up reading to haye and the kid (or playing with them etc). but haye gets to sit on me first and foremost, and if he is uncomfortable (just as i am) with a strange little person sitting on me then that kid gets to sit next to me. i just don't understand why it's okay to children to sit on people they don't know? not that i hate kids or anything, i love them and are just as drawn to them as they are to me, but it freaks me out to think about my son just going up to someone and sitting down on them and expecting them to read. it makes me think that maybe they just don't get enough attention, and when they see an adult on the floor they are so drawn to it and amazed they just have to be a part of it. so sad. D: i try and keep that in mind.


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## LianneM (May 26, 2004)

It would make me uncomfortable. Before I had kids, I was like a kid-magnet and kids would want to sit on my lap and stuff. I loved it and it was fine. But now, no way, especially not a stranger! I don't even really like it if my friends' kids want to sit on my lap.







:


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## veggiemomma (Oct 21, 2004)

This has happened to me several times at storytime, too. I am pretty okay with it, as long as the other parenys are okay with it. If a kid wants to socialize nicely with me, then I'll be glad to engage them.


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## textbookcase (May 31, 2007)

I help out at dd's school a lot and there is one little boy in particular that is really drawn to me for some reason. He always sits on my lap and wants me to read to him. I don't mind in that situation, but I might if it was a total stranger.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

I've had this happen a few times at activities. It seems like either the child got confused and thought they were sitting on their own mom's lap (wearing same colour of shirt or something; my son has done this with other moms), or they are just friendly and looking for a lap.
In the OP's particular story, I think I *would* be concerned (not uncomfortable...concerned) being that the child's parent or guardian was not around. Then I would feel like I had to supervise that child for their safety, and I'd be worried that another time, they would sit in the *wrong person's* lap, KWIM?
When it's happened with me, the parent is nearby. AS I said, my son has done this too - and he is pretty shy, so I think it's that he just backed his butt up to the wrong person by accident!


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## Datura (Mar 18, 2005)

I'm usually a kid magnet, too. Weird though that the caregiver was so far out of pocket. I wouldn't let my kid just sit on someone like that.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

If a random toddler wanted to sit on my lap, I'd thoroughly enjoy the opportunity, as my own kids are much bigger now! But in the situation in the OP, my concern would be my ability to keep an eye on my own toddler (and jump up to get her if needed) with another child on my lap (not that I didn't have two todders of my own at one point, but in general I didn't sit down on the floor in public places during that phase of my life!)

I wouldn't worry too much about the toddler sitting on "the wrong person's lap" in the future- little kids are pretty judges of character, and feel free to act on their gut instincts since they haven't yet been taught to ignore them for the sake of being polite.







I would be a little concerned if there was no apparent caregiver around- shouldn't Mommy or Grandma or Daddy or Grandpa or Babysitter at least be watching and smiling at her periodically?


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

Ok good, so I am not the only one who would have felt a bit uncomfortable! Thank goodness... my DH also said he thought it was odd.


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## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

It depends on what is going on in my life whether I try to extract myself from the toddler or not. I think if you don't want the toddler in your social group it is OK to extricate yourself or call for the parent to assist you. Excuse me whose is this? holding child up above your head would work. Kinda kidding. I wouldn't worry about it as much as some of you could, though, you guys seem kind of tense.

As to why a parent would see this happening and not do anything, some of us want our children to interact with adults under supervision as it is part of their "banking" experiences to know when someone wants to harm them, among other benefits. Also, as I say to my admittedly highly gifted newly 3 year old, I am not going to negotiate every single relationship. (I am simply going to observe to make sure you are safe.) Though I would definitely try to catch your eye and see if you were cool with your situation.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

I'd have put the child down and stood up. I don't much care for other people's (ie: non-friends') kids, and don't have the first clue how to relate to kids that are raised much differently than mine.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

My DD2 likes to go up to other moms and climb in their laps sometimes, but it has never been a complete stranger and I'm always right there.


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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

i like kids. if they want to sit on my lap and i am not busy, i see no issue. i would have just read to her. or if i was busy, i would have said that i couldn't, and helped her find her mom.
i see what you mean about not wanting your kids to be that friendly, and i would definetly encourage my son NOT to do that and explain the difference in friends and strangers. but this little two year old saw you, felt happy and comfortable enough to come kick it with you, and lucky for her, her instincts were right and you weren't a crazy. so no harm done.


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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I'd have put the child down and stood up. I don't much care for other people's (ie: non-friends') kids, and don't have the first clue how to relate to kids that are raised much differently than mine.

this is so hilarious!!! i love it. i have a girlfriend like this too...she's so not into kids and you can feel how uncofortable she gets around anyone's but hers. i bet that 2 year old in barne's and noble would have gotten that vibe though, and not come up to you. i remember being little and knowing which adults were "cool" i.e. they wanted to play, or "mean" i.e. they weren't down with playing with me, you know?


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## fivi2 (Dec 12, 2006)

I guess I am one of the few whose kids are the ones doing this... I have 2 year old twins - they have always gone to strangers (yes, complete strangers). and they get PLENTY of attention at home. At the big downtown park the other day, I turn around from chasing one to see the pther plopping down in a strange man's lap (there with his own daughter). Yes, I ran over and got her off, but I also felt weird doing that, like I was telling her he was bad - maybe offending him? So - I stop my kids as soon as I see them doing it, but they are both just drawn to stangers and their laps







It is almos timpossible for me to prevent it before it happens (but no, I don't expect strangers to read to them or watch them - I always go grab my kiddos)


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

My kid is a random lap sitter, too- though her usual targets are 5-10 year old girls (big sister types). I quite often have to explain that she needs to *ask* people before she sits on their laps. But I agree with the OP- the parents should be there to check in on their toddler.

My DD also starts conversations with random strangers all the time, and I quite often have to interrupt for people who don't look comfortable talking about their shoes or dinosaurs or meerkats with a talkative two year old







If they're looking around for the parent, it's time for me to step in


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## jaye88 (Oct 31, 2007)

My daughter did this the other day -- we were at a "kids' cafe," so there was quite a crowd of toddlers wandering around, and she sat down in some stranger's lap with a book. She gets plenty of attention at home







but she LOVES books, and has plenty of adults in her life who read them to her, so I guess the draw of a seated grown-up was too much to resist. I was only sitting a few feet away, but it made me a little uncomfortable, too, so I went over right away to check in. They were both OK with the situation, so I just hung out until they finished the book, and then DD and I went to do somehting else.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bellymama* 
this is so hilarious!!! i love it. i have a girlfriend like this too...she's so not into kids and you can feel how uncofortable she gets around anyone's but hers. i bet that 2 year old in barne's and noble would have gotten that vibe though, and not come up to you. i remember being little and knowing which adults were "cool" i.e. they wanted to play, or "mean" i.e. they weren't down with playing with me, you know?

Actually, I have kids coming up to me all the time. It's weird . . . but I don't think I have a "mean" vibe, I just feel totally clueless now that I have my own. Before I had kids of my own, I was great with kids. I babysat all through high school and used to like visiting my mom's pre-school classes, etc. But then bam! I had my own, and I feel like I know and relate to them really well, and most other kids just don't seem to get anything I say to them. They still seem to like me well enough, though.


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