# Sitting alone in crib/sleeping sitting up/advice needed!



## xtara2003x (Sep 25, 2006)

Okay so I'm feeling....well I don't know. Confused? Bare with me..this is a long one!

My DD is 14 almost 15 months old. She is having napping issues. Well...she always has....and I simply will NOT make a good mother if I have to keep holding her so that she takes a nap during the day at 14/15 months old. I need her nap time to have a little me time myself.

The other day I rocked her for an hour, tried to lay her down on her twin bed several times, but she would not stay down or stay sleeping unless I held her. After several frusterations during the day...I was at my wits end and I put her in her crib. She's never really slept in her crib at all. She did when she was real small here and there...but she usually just napped whenever she was tired in my lap and once and a while I could lay her on our bed (where we sleep at night).

Well she was in her crib....and she cried for like 20 minutes. *sigh* That's the longest I've ever let her cry in her entire life....but I was just so frusterated that I wanted to scream at her...so I told myself that in 30 minutes I'd go back in there. Well after 20 minutes she stopped crying. I waited and waited, and peaked in on her and she was awake just sitting there staring at the door, so I snuck back out and checked on her later and found that she was sleeping sitting up in her crib with her little legs dangling outside the crib and holding onto the bars of the crib. *cries* She slept in her crib sitting up (but not crying), and when she woke up from her little nap she was SO HAPPY and seemed like she was totally well rested. I really REALLY made sure to watch for any behavioral changes in her because I felt so awful about letting her cry by herself for that 20 minutes...but it actually seemed like she was HAPPIER and MORE rested.

The next day I took her in her bedroom at 1pm. I nursed/rocked her and sang to her until 130pm...and laid her down on her twin bed. She slept for 10 minutes and woke up. I went back in and rocked her for 10 more minutes and laid her down. She woke up and didn't want me to stop holding/rocking her to sleep. I was getting kind of frustrated again so I put her in her crib and said go ni-night baby! And she cried for less than 30 seconds and i walked out of the room. She stayed in her crib until 3pm....and everytime I checked on her she was just sitting quietly listening to her lullabye music.

Is this a BAD thing? Many people i've been talking to about this say that it's fine because she wasn't crying...she was just resting, and maybe she just would prefer to rest by herself in her crib.

I feel so badly that she was just SITTING there doing..well..nothing.....She wasn't crying....she wasn't really sleeping either.

*sigh*

So now tonight...at 915 we went in her room and I rocked/nursed/sang to her for 45 minutes and she still wasn't quite sleeping. I know that I probably should have started to put her to bed about a half hour or 45 minutes later than I started...but that's not how it went tonight. Anyway..after 45 minutes I laid her down in her crib (i think I kind of just wanted to see what would happen) and she's been quiet...hasn't cried at all. I peaked in on her and she was sitting up on the side of her crib again dozing off and on listening to her music. I went and laid her down as she was asleep sitting up...and she fussed a tiny bit but I haven't heard a peep from her now for 20 minutes.

I still want to co sleep at night...but I want her to go to bed for a few hours by herself so that I odn't have to go to bed with her (I'm a night owl).

And I just went to check on her..and she's out cold sleeping soundly. It's the first time she EVER fell asleep on her own in her crib (own bed) besides the car. Why does it feel funny to me?

Does anyone have any opinions on this? Is it okay to just let her in the crib by herself if she's not crying? Am I damaging her or something by doing this? I'm not proud of letting her cry the other day for 20 minutes, but at least it wasn't like 4 hours or something. I could never do that. I've never believed in CIO for babies of any age...but since that one time she hasn't cried at all in her crib.

I don't know what I'm looking for here...just some encouragement and some advice? Part of me feels that it's not RIGHT to let her sit in her crib all by herself...but the other part of me wonders if it's okay and if she actually NEEDS a little time by herself to wind down....I'm just not sure! Help!


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## justthinkn (Apr 11, 2008)

It sounds like you left her in the crib that one time for a legitimate reason - you were losing control and knew you needed a break. Doesn't sound like it happens often at all, and we've all been there at times







So you didn't put her there trying to "train" her...

I guess b/c of that, I think you should try to separate out that one incident and the other times that you have put your DD down into the crib and she has calmly hung out or gone to sleep. If she's ok with it in the moment, and seems ok with it when she wakes up, too - just as content and connected as before - I would go with it personally, while also being prepared for the possibility that it will shift again later. It sounds like you're still doing lots of loving, close parenting to prepare her for sleep.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I don't know- it feels off to me. Sounds like she's a fast learner and learned that you're not coming for her when she's in the crib.

-Angela


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## xtara2003x (Sep 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justthinkn* 
It sounds like you left her in the crib that one time for a legitimate reason - you were losing control and knew you needed a break. Doesn't sound like it happens often at all, and we've all been there at times







So you didn't put her there trying to "train" her...

I guess b/c of that, I think you should try to separate out that one incident and the other times that you have put your DD down into the crib and she has calmly hung out or gone to sleep. If she's ok with it in the moment, and seems ok with it when she wakes up, too - just as content and connected as before - I would go with it personally, while also being prepared for the possibility that it will shift again later. It sounds like you're still doing lots of loving, close parenting to prepare her for sleep.

I really really appreciate your response. I am not proud of the 20 minute crying session whatsoever...but that's the only time it's ever happened.

I think part of my anxiety stems from the fact that part of me feels like the only reason she is NOT crying in her crib is because maybe she feels like she might as well not cry because I won't come and get her. I'm afraid that maybe that one incident broke her trust somewhat or something.

I mean....it's been 2 hours that she's been in her crib tonight. One hour she was sitting up...and one hour she's been snuggled up with her blankie sleeping soundly listening to her lullabye music.

I just don't want her to feel like I'm "mad" at her or that she's being "punished" by going into her crib or something y'know?

Man...this just really really bothers me...and my family doens't seem to understand why this concerns me so much. They just tell me that I need to make sure she knows "who's boss" but that is just not the way that I see our mother daughter relationship.

*sigh*


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## xtara2003x (Sep 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I don't know- it feels off to me. Sounds like she's a fast learner and learned that you're not coming for her when she's in the crib.

-Angela

And that is something I desperately DON'T want!

Any ideas on how to change this now?

I have to admit that it is nice for me to know that she is safe in a crib (as opposed to her twin bed) and that she's sleeping all by herself..but not at the expense that she believes that I will not come for her when she's in her crib.

We have a very loving and strong attatchment to one another. I want her to know she can always count on me to be there for her no matter what. Of course I'd also like to help her learn how to fall asleep and stay sleeping on her own as well...but like I said..not at the expense that she doesn't trust me when she's in her crib.


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## justthinkn (Apr 11, 2008)

As moms we are so vulnerable to thinking that we have done things wrong, and I really really think kiddos are more resilient than one time where we just HAD to take a break for our own sake and theirs, that they become broken somehow and lose trust in us and our responsiveness to them! If so, it's just an impossible ideal.

Keep loving your daughter and following her lead. If she somehow is having a temporary feeling of cautiousness in calling out to you (which I personally really doubt) with all the love you're showering on her, I have no doubt she'll start calling again. But if she doesn't - trust the bond you've spent so much time building. You're doing a great job, mama.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *xtara2003x* 
And that is something I desperately DON'T want!

Any ideas on how to change this now?

I have to admit that it is nice for me to know that she is safe in a crib (as opposed to her twin bed) and that she's sleeping all by herself..but not at the expense that she believes that I will not come for her when she's in her crib.

We have a very loving and strong attatchment to one another. I want her to know she can always count on me to be there for her no matter what. Of course I'd also like to help her learn how to fall asleep and stay sleeping on her own as well...but like I said..not at the expense that she doesn't trust me when she's in her crib.

Personally I would skip the crib for at least a week to attempt to clear the board in a way.

good luck!










-Angela


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## seaheroine (Dec 24, 2004)

I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong - that she is reacting to the crying incident. I've felt that way myself sometimes, as I'll occasionally put LO down in the crib (for safety's sake, now that she's rolling everywhere) to get a few things done that are more difficult wearing her, ie dishes, picking up trash, dealing with the dogs...and she's done the same thing, sitting silently or playing with her mobile or toes. I too have wondered if I'm "damaging" her leaving her alone, too - but then I see her studying the closet full of clothes or the diapers and I think she may be intrigued in something quietly.

That said, if she cries, of course I go pick her up. But she doesn't seem to be ill-affected by the time to herself. I agree with the pps that she knows you'll come if she cries and may just be experiencing the world on her own. From the time DD was small, there were times when nothing would satisfy her except being put down. We've always worn her/held her and once in awhile I really think she's tired of the touching...you know your baby and I think you've got the mama instinct in this situation. If it feels okay and she seems pleasantly engaged by herself, I don't think there is anything wrong with that and would agree with the pp that you are reaping the results of long-established trust.


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