# Puberty education not happening at school!



## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

My 10 yr old is starting to go through puberty. Breasts are not buds anymore, moody, b.o. and hair.

I've told her stuff but I would feel better if they went throught it at school, like what I got in school. I know I probably missed important info. I liked the once over that I got in school.

She goes to a Waldorf School and the teacher says the kids can wait until grade 6. Well my child is needs it now in grade 4. The kids are 10 and 11 and other girls are like my dd.

Don't you think it's dumb that they aren't teaching it yet??

Plus does anyone know where one can get the same video we got 25 yrs ago? It's nice and scientific and they use the correct wording with the egg coming down etc. I like the side by side pic of the girl turning into a woman.

Help!

Thank you.

Michele


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

there are several good books on the subject. I like this one:

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Puberty-All-That-Stuff/dp/0764129929

You *could* opt to read whatever you choose first because some books, like this, are VERY frank.

I personally believe that this type of education is much better handled by parents than by schools, and that making peace with these conversations with our kids can bring us great peace with our own bodies, as well as closer to our kids as they gradually become adults.

good luck


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Wow, that's late for girls. Plus, in Waldorf, aren't they a little older for grade due to the 2 year kindergarten thing? At least that is how our friends Waldorf school works. Our district does 4th grade for girls with a more indepth program for 5th graders. They don't do boys until 6th grade because boys don't hit puberty until middle school in general. All of my Girl Scouts started in 4th and 5th grades except DD who didn't start until 9th grade. Still, I'm glad she got the shpeal in elementary. It wasn't a sex talk... it was straight puberty. Sex ed didn't come until middle school.

Personally, I'm glad the schools offer it. Not all kids are comfortable talking to their parents about it. Getting a straight forward lecture from the school nurse can actually be less stressful. Plus, there is something unifying in being with your peers and really seeing that they are all going to go through it.

Here is a link that might help. http://www.beinggirl.com/?legacyurl=/en_US/yourperiod_inserttampon.jsp They don't have the exact video that my DD got but they have some others.


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Our schools start puberty education in health classes in 5th grade, and more intensively starting in 6th. We have always had open conversations in our house, so when the schools started their ed wasn't really much of a concern to me. However, I do think it's very important because not all kids have this info from parents, and the health teacher is truly a resource for the kids if they need it, and some really do.

I really liked the American Girl book titled The care and Keeping of You when my dd was in 4th grade. I think it's basic, friendly, and well done. If you aren't comfortable having conversations with your dd, you might think about talking with your child's pediatric practice. I know in ours we had a pretty in depth puberty discussion around your dd's age during a well visit. It was truly a conversation, not a lecture. We talked about emotional health, physical boundaries, etc. It was actually great, and completely complemented our at home discussions.


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## mar123 (Apr 14, 2008)

Before my kids learned about it in school, we attended "Becoming a Woman (or Man)" classes held at the local hospital. I heard about it through word of mouth and they were wonderful! The age was 9-12; the covered puberty and bodiy changes without getting into sexuality. We went with some of their friends and moms (dh took my son) which was also suggested and went great; they had a friend to talk about it with. In the class they tell them specifically not to talk about it with friends who haven't had the class yet because you never know what a kid might not know. I liked that they knew about everything before hearing it in school- it can be quite traumatic to learn all about that for the first time in a school setting!


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> I really liked the American Girl book titled The care and Keeping of You when my dd was in 4th grade. I think it's basic, friendly, and well done.


I like that book too! It's more basic than the one I listed earlier, might work better as an introduction.

I don't remember anything in it about actual sex, which might be more comfortable all round.

I really think that moms who are uncomfortable with this topic owe it to their DDs to make peace with it. Chances are it will be YOU, not the school nurse, who your DDs tells when she gets her first period. YOU who buys her hygiene products. YOU that she has to talk to about how to go to the swim party the day after her period started.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> Don't you think it's dumb that they aren't teaching it yet??


I think that's two years too late, yes. My kid's public school starts in fourth grade, separated by sex, and they get a basic anatomy and physiology lesson and video. Same with fifth grade, and in sixth grade they get the opposite sex's lesson.

But I agree with the rest of the responses here, your child's best educator should be you! The lessons my kids got in grade school were primarily about 'the change', barely touched on sexuality, only mentioned 'night immissions' and the like. Real sex education came later, in middle and high school. Too late, I think.

My daughter and most of the girls in her circle read "The Care and Keeping of You". They all loved it, carried it around like a bible.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

I just said some were uncomfortable, not that they wouldn't do it. School is just an extra. Kids take things differently from outside parties and yes, it can seem less scary when you have your peers around you. It also gives GIRLS permission to talk to eachother about it. There is comfort when you are in 4th grade and you've started knowing, you don't have to hide the fact at Girl Scout camp or explain it... you know they all have the information you had. Sure, I had my mom to talk about pregnancy with but I certainly liked reading books, taking lamaze, talking with my friends. I deal with lots of girls and yes, I've been in the position of helping girls who first started and are away from home and mom. There is comfort is seeing that it happens to everyone. Our district does a preview night where they get the whole presentation and see all the materials. Parents have to sign a permission slip for the girls to attend. It's still totally in the control of the parent and like I said, I don't know any moms who don't also talk to their own kids about it lol.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> I like that book too! It's more basic than the one I listed earlier, might work better as an introduction.
> 
> ...


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

Just to let you all know I am NOT uncomfortable talking about sex and puberty education. We've spoken about all that since she could talk. No problems there!

Just wondering if there was a video on the internet, on youtube or where ever that the schools use. I know I've missed some good scientific tid bits in all our convo's. I've printed off a good pamplet from an Always site.

When I talk about bringing pads to school in her nap sack, just in case, she refuses. She is just not into me talking about it any more. I know she wishes it would all just go away. (don't we all, I just got my period last night!). Anyway just looking for that video.

Glad I'm not the only one that thinks the teacher should tell everyone about puberty. I know her son who's in the class is clueless, which she prefers. dumb.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MicheleRMT*
> 
> Glad I'm not the only one that thinks the teacher should tell everyone about puberty. I know her son who's in the class is clueless, which she prefers. dumb.


It's all a matter of how the school handles the curriculum. When I was a kid? It was in 5th grade. With both of my kids? It was 5th grade. That's pretty standard. So if you feel your daughter needs information sooner than the school provides it? It's up to you to provide it. I don't think it's dumb to follow that.

Nor do you know what her son knows or doesn't. Unless you've talked to him in depth about it. Which would be kinda weird.


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

I know what her son knows. She told me she wants to keep him in the dark about that stuff.

In waldorf they are a year later than normal schools. The kids arre 10 and 11. So that's like grade 5 in normal schools.

And thanks, I did provide it, just looking for more info. Nevermind mtiger.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MicheleRMT*
> 
> Glad I'm not the only one that thinks the teacher should tell everyone about puberty. I know her son who's in the class is clueless, which she prefers. dumb.


but you made a choice to have her in a school that doesn't do that. I'm not sure what you are looking for in the way of support. In most public schools, she'd be in 5th grade and she would have had a little chat from the school nurse.

I'm not convinced that school is even right place for every child, and some of the moms on this board home school. Some moms have kids in public school, and some, like me, have kids in private schools.


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

Kids develop at different rates. Sometimes you may think the stuff they are discussing is too old for your kid, sometimes you wish they would get to it earlier. That is life. Both have different remedies - but honestly, the "they are waiting too long for my kid" is a much easier fix. Do it at home.

As someone who started their period at 10, I do think grade 6 is too old. I could have used a little info before hand (an area my parents dropped the ball in...)


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> . I'm not sure what you are looking for


just a video online. For some reason I thought there would be a good one somewhere here.


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

One other suggestion to get the science information you may have missed - your health care provider or a community sexual health clinic. It's a good idea to help her become comfortable talking to health care providers about sex. It will make it a little easier for her to approach them in a couple of years whenever she has an issue.

Oh, and I agree that the school is waiting too long.


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree*
> 
> One other suggestion to get the science information you may have missed - your health care provider or a community sexual health clinic. It's a good idea to help her become comfortable talking to health care providers about sex. It will make it a little easier for her to approach them in a couple of years whenever she has an issue.
> 
> Oh, and I agree that the school is waiting too long.


oh good suggestion! Thank you so much!


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MicheleRMT*
> 
> just a video online. For some reason I thought there would be a good one somewhere here.


I, personally, don't feel that is the best way to teach this subject because how we present the information to our kids is part of the message. If we present the information in a book from the library, we are telling them that when they want more information on this topic, the library is a good place to look. If we get it from a video online, we are telling them that online videos are good places for information about sex. And while I'm sure there are quite nice videos on puberty on-line, there is tremendous on-line content about sex that I wouldn't want my kids to stumble across.

There is good on-line content for teens about sex, but finding the good stuff can be like looking for a needle in the haystack. I don't want my teen DDs on that hunt.


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> I, personally, don't feel that is the best way to teach this subject because how we present the information to our kids is part of the message. If we present the information in a book from the library, we are telling them that when they want more information on this topic, the library is a good place to look. If we get it from a video online, we are telling them that online videos are good places for information about sex. And while I'm sure there are quite nice videos on puberty on-line, there is tremendous on-line content about sex that I wouldn't want my kids to stumble across.
> 
> There is good on-line content for teens about sex, but finding the good stuff can be like looking for a needle in the haystack. I don't want my teen DDs on that hunt.


You're being a little bit painful.

I said several times that I taught her most of the stuff. And *I* am going to look for a video, I didn't say that she will be searching on-line for info about sex ed. haha That would be rediculous.

Anyway, I didn't come on here to argue but I feel like I'm having to defend myself. I'm done.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

nm


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## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

Not everyone likes the agency but planned parenthood has part of their website dedicated to education. Some of that is for parents, some for 'teens', there is a section with references and so forth.

In our area PP has education classes for kids ages 8-15?? and parents, some just for parents and they will also have a Q&A for teens. I've been to the parent program and was pleasantly surprised.


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## sstichler (Jul 18, 2012)

Yes, I am a parent educator and I would suggest going to Healthy Chats.com. This pediatrician has a wonderful DVD that you can buy to watch with your daughter!! I highly recommend it. We live in San Diego and went to her seminar but if you don't live near by, you can purchase this DVD anywhere in the country!! Enjoy!


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

Thanks for the dvd idea. I would totally do that but instead I just took her out of Waldorf School. Now she's learning way more of academics as well.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Interesting! So was your dissatisfaction with the puberty education just the beginning of the end?


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

That not being taught in class had no bearing on pulling her out. That's such a small thing compared to the bullying (boys actually beating on her) and if that wasn't enought my dd was crying because she was sick and tired of the teacher going on about fairy's and knomes instead of learning real stuff. I know people will say well, you don't know yourr leearning but you are. No she wasn't. The teacher said about 3/4 of the class is behind in math but they only have 1 learning assisstant, so each child gets her for about 4 sessions then on with the next child.

The schools in Europe ARE great. I don't know about the school in the US. But in Canada the teachers baby the students. I'm sure there are a few exceptions of greeat teachers in Canada. that's just the general drift. Our teacher was VERY waldorfy and my child didn't learn anything except fairy tales. She was there for grade 3 and 4. She went to a different private school for grade 5 and even learned more and better ART than Waldorf school. She loves her new school. Going into grade 6 in Sept and she's looking for to it. Plus it's nice not to have a boy punch you in the head, then tell the teacher and nothing gets done!


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

oh and by the way, they had a course in Sex Ed in grade 5 in her new school.

Also someone here said it's up to me to teach her that stuff. I did! As much as I could, but I like the idea someone else doing it too to catch any points I may have not covered.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

The schools in Europe are great... are you referring to Waldorf schools ar schools in general?

I'm very glad to hear she loves her new school!


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

Waldorf school. She went to one for a couple weeks in Frrance. Plus i spoke to a couple waldorf teachers here in Canada that say in Europe the kids have more respect because it's actually taught. Angie notice when she was there, they give hmwk. etc.


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## amnesiac (Dec 28, 2001)

I teach it to my 5th graders in the fall semester. Our district specifies it is to be covered during 5th grade but they don't say when so most of the other nurses actually wait until spring. We are required to use the Always Changing program which may not be just what you'd like to use but here it is - scroll down & you can look at the videos & things online:
http://www.pgschoolprograms.com/programs.php?pid=1


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## amnesiac (Dec 28, 2001)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> I really liked the American Girl book titled The care and Keeping of You when my dd was in 4th grade. I think it's basic, friendly, and well done.


Sorry for the serial posting - I meant to say that my dd liked this book at that age too. She's very private & shy & that book was a good conversation starter for her.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I know this is an older thread but I think kidshealth.org has some helpful answers about puberty if anyone is looking for something online.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/body_stuff/puberty.html

http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/changing_body/puberty.html#cat20129

I don't think they have videos but there is an interactive explanation of the female reproductive system and menstrual cycles.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/interactive/female_it.html

I do think waiting until children are 10 years old to have a beginning conversation about puberty is late on the part of parents. Kids don't have to know every detail before they begin puberty but should know the basics so it doesn't freak them out.

I think it is okay if schools do not present the topic of puberty until children are age 10 though even if some kids do start earlier or later. When I was in school they showed us a film and had the puberty talk around age 10/11.

My dd started her period exactly at age 12. I started getting some books specifically about puberty around age 8. We do have The American Girl Care and Keeping of You book. I think it is on a good level for girls to look at on their own.


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## nerdmomma6885 (Oct 25, 2011)

My oldest started Family Life in 5th grade, they had to watch "The Miracle of Life" movie which was WAY tooo overrated for fifth graders (that's what she said!) so I don't recommend it until she's older. Yes, "The Care and Keeping of You" is nice, also a book called Body Drama but probably good for older kids. She started sex ed in 7th grade, which was very good for her. Unbelievably, her science teacher was very good and open and informative, and willing to discuss morbid topics. As someone who started at age 11, I could have used more information beforehand, but it ended up ok.


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## RitesForGirls (Mar 1, 2012)

There's some great advice here. All I would add is that 'coming of age' groups can be a lovely way to study the changes that come about during puberty. Yes, parents are a great first port of call, but as some have said, their children begin to squirm at yet another of those conversations. Yes, some schools raise the issues really well. And whilst it can be really supportive to learn about these things together, learning with your classmates and your teachers may not be the most comfortable. Gathering together with a group of other girls, expressly to explore coming of age and growing up, can be a really fun way to form really supportive bonds with others over a passage of life that is full of change. I find that the girls I work with often stay friends with the others in their group right through school and into their child-bearing years...


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## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

The UU and the UCC have a sex ed curriculum and people from outside those churches register for it. I think it's called Our Whole Lives or something close.


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