# Feeling empty and angry after a stillborn



## Chez (Aug 11, 2009)

It has now been 7 weeks since i lost my little boy and it feels like yesterday, i feel sometimes like i am going nuts... i have a 4 yr old and i am sooo stressed out.. i guess it is just all the anger.
I really feel ripped off just the fact that i carried him for 38 weeks and then loose him, I have only just lost my mum 19months ago too. i was just so ready this time, and really wanted a little brother for my son too.
I would like to try again.. and i would love it, i am just a little scared incase the same happens again.
I hate that now when i walk down the street some people would say "hows your little baby going". i know that they don't know any better. Its just haveing to say what happend..
Is there anyone out there going thru this too?


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Couldn't read without







s we have a Grief and Loss forum where you will sadly find other kindred souls


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## Mom2M (Sep 23, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with going to the Grief and Loss forum, there are many wonderful people there.
Deb


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

I suggest also the Pregnancy and Birth Loss forum (which I see you've found).
I'm sorry for your loss.


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## MoonWillow (May 24, 2006)

I am moving your thread to our Pregnancy and Birth loss section. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## ecstaticmama24 (Sep 20, 2006)

Oh mama, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not experienced a full term loss, but there are many mamas here who have. Even with a m/c, anger is a stage of grief and one that many of us go through or stay in for a while. I hope you find the support you need and know that we are all thinking about you and your little one.


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## green_sturgeon (Feb 9, 2008)

Big hugs to you, mama. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I had a stillbirth recently too - at 27 weeks, not full term - but I think it was around the same time as your loss. My baby was born on July 3rd. I also have an older child; he'll be 3 in a month. I hear you on the anger, the sadness, the wanting to give your son a sibling, the comments from others who don't know, all of it. Feel free to send me a private message if you'd like to talk privately and think I could help you by listening to your story and your feelings. And post as much or as little as you would like to here - your daily struggles, your baby's birth story and/or pictures, whatever you want to share - this is a great community of women and you will certainly find support and understanding here.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Crossposted...

I lost my dad six weeks before we lost William, by the way... that double whammy... so hard.









***








: Rhys







:

What a beautiful name for a beautiful little boy. I'm so sorry he's not in your arms, mama. We lost William at 39 weeks - no heartbeat at a routine prenatal. And everything in me screamed "DO OVER!" So not fair. So unbelievably, horrifyingly not fair.









We've been trying since William died in April '09... so not long, in the scheme of things. This is month four since he was gone, month three since my cycles returned, two since I started having a 'normal' period again. It's taken me this long, trying, for that feeling of desperately NEEDING to be pregnant again, RIGHT NOW, to start to fade.

I think the hormones and the grief and the sudden unexpected loss combine to make a compelling "I must try again NOW" cocktail in we baby-loss mamas. For me, that's just beginning to wear off, so I know that feeling, believe me, I know.

I still want another baby--although the rational side of things shows through now more than it did in the beginning, way way more--I'm just not so fiercely determined as I was in the beginning. For me, it was a form of denial, that trying to get pregnant. I didn't want to acknowledge my baby was gone - and I wanted to thumb my nose at the universe. Take my baby, will you? Fine! I'll just make another!









The reality is, I can't replace William. And as you can read in this thread, the women here who go on to get pg again have lots of mixed feelings, and even then, the sweetness is always bittersweet.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please do share anything of Rhys you wish to, here and "over there" on the other board, too. So many mamas here who have experienced this pain... we are a club no one ever wants to join. heck, believe me, we don't really want new members either! It's always a sad day when someone else joins these ranks.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

i understand. i lost my Matthew at 34 weeks due to a cord accident 2.5 months ago. i know that empty and angry feeling all too well.

i'm so sorry you lost your lovely little Rhys. like dawn, i wanted to try immediately and only now am i calming down a little with that. i do intend to get pregnant again but i'm also trying to be grateful for this healing time without the additional stress and hormones of pregnancy.

i'm glad you found us but i'm sorry you're here.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Rhys.


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