# Very concerned over Music on radio, pop culture



## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

I am the mother of 3 boys- my 10 yo listens to and loves all the pop music. there is some REALLY disturbing stuff out there- all about getting drunk and drinking until your vision is blurred/ your words are slurred-

about women fighting other women and yelling obscenities at other women-

the Rihanna/ Eminim song- Love the way you lie- she is abused and LOVES the way it hurts and he tells her if she leaves him again- he will tie her to the bed and watch the house burn down-

Now Rihanna has a song entitled S&M where she talks about sex in the air and the smell of it and that she gets excited by whips and chains- it has been banned in other countries but it is playing on the radio here every five minutes- I honestly don't know what to do---the garbage they are putting out there for our children to buy and listen to-

I DO talk to DS about what the music says and why i can't stand it, but he doesn't care- he knows all the words and hears it with his friends etc anyway---

Are we to just give up trying to protect our kids because the garbage is everywhere?


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## cateerob (May 23, 2005)

I think the meaning of the words may be going over his head...i loved grease movie when i was a kid and had the soundtrack on tape. I remeber watching the movie with my daughter when she was about 10 for the first time in years and finally realsing what it was all about and thoses songs i had learnt at a young age were about sex..lol

If you cant stp him from hearing the songs just explain you dont approval of some of the messages in them and let it go, i don think these songs will do any harm, and imo the more you try to say they are 'bad' songs the more your kids will try to listen to them to try and figure out what you mean.

catherine


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Isn't this an age-old issue? Our grandparents didn't like what our parents listened to, our parents didn't like what we listened to, and now we don't like what our kids listen to.

I found that it was helpful to find out what it is about the songs that they like - I can almost guarantee that the lyrics don't figure high on the list.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

Elvis used to be considered obscene. And forget the Beatles. Or the Rolling Stones. Or Poison. Scandalous! lol.

I agree, it's just.... one of those things. It doesn't mean I LIKE it. We don't listen to the radio in our house(except NPR). The kind of music my DH and I like aren't on the radio. Our DS1's favorite band is Depeche Mode. Are you familiar with the lyrics? No, they don't talk about beating anyone, but they are very sexually charged. But he has no idea. He just likes how it sounds. And frankly, I don't think sex in and of itself is bad, and it's not something that I want to hide from my kids anyway.

I do take some issue, though, with music that degrades women in the sense of beating them or calling them names that make them possessions. I don't mind female musicians expressing their own sexuality. My favorite band has some really violent lyrics, but they sing mostly in Spanish(entirely coincidental, I don't speak Spanish, nor do I specifically like Spanish music, this is industrial).

I think it's just..... one of those things.....


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

By age 10, it's hard to guide what they get exposed to, I think a better strategy then is to talk about healthy relationships and be a good model for him. Actually talk about why degrading one another is a bad thing and how it's really about being a team and building one another up. Also teach your own view of alcohol, whether it's ok done responsibly at an appropriate age, or always a bad move, or whatever, and why.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

My daughter is only five so take this for what it's worth (I saw this from the main page and it's a discussion I was just having yesterday, so it caught my attention). She LOVES music. She loves loud fast pop music, she likes catchy lyrics. I no longer listen to popular radio with her in the car because while I am not about to start telling radio stations they can't play that (totally stupid) S&M song, I don't want my daughter hearing it. It's my job to teach her our values as a family and our values as a family say that sex is a private thing between adults, not something we use to get attention or for shock value. I have gone out of my way to find music for her that she can listen to. It's not easy but we've found some things. Thank goodness for the iPod, we can just pick and choose. For instance, she LOVES Born This Way, Firework, and F*ing Perfect (edited version) but the rest of those CD probably wouldn't be ok for her.

I can't help what she hears from other kids or when she's not with me, but I try very hard to explain to her why certain songs aren't appropriate for her - not because they're about some secret thing she can't know about, but because they say horrible things about women, promote violence, etc.


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

I have certainly thought about how my parents disapproved of certain music and their parents disapproved of certain music but it seems like the music industry has taken it as far as it could go-- what could be worse than the images in some of the songs- and my 10 yo or any child less than say 15 or 16 should not be listening to songs that want you to pound alcohol until you are incoherent or beat women, and she likes it--- please! maybe parents didn't like Elvis shaking his hips- but this stuff in songs today is so gross----these people need serious psychothereapy--- and it's all over the radio- i wish i could say "We don't listen to the radio" or we only listen to NPR. My boy is a force to be reckoned with and i am trying very hard to keep connected to him- to outlaw the radio would be terrible for our relationship-- and impossible---

And whatever about women expressing their sexuallity- let them do it somewhere else than on the pop radio station that families listen to--- S&M-- whips and chains?? It's already been banned in many countries....no thanks- but it's out there and now I have to deal with it- I don't know what the next generation of music could contain if it is going to push the envelope more than this---

and yes, he likes the beat of the music but he knows EVERY single word of the songs-- every single one-

Isn't there a parent protest group i can join? Do you know of any?


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## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

My son is in middle school and all the kids are listening to this kind of pop music and stuff that is even more sexual (like some of the rap). To forbid him from listening to it would only cause friction in our relationship and cause him to feel ostracized. What we do however is expose him to other types of music as well, all kinds, from classical to jazz to various ethic or "world' music to classical and alternative rock. He also likes a lot of it and has come to the conclusion on his own that a lot of the pop music is not very artistic.

And yep, rock IS very sexual too! In the 50s Elvis was banned from dancing on TV and in general rock and roll was considered to cause deviant behaviour in youths


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

But is anyone seeing how this is os different from hip thrusts and gyrating??

This is messed up - epople hurting each other and liking it- and drinking until you are wasted-- this is different--- what could be worse than some of these images... how could it get worse?


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

Remember Run for your Life by the Beatles? Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix? Both songs about men killing girlfriends because they went with other men. Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash? He shot a man in Reno "just to watch him die". Ever hear some of the 2LIve Crew's music? There are tons of other examples. This type of music has always been around, maybe you just notice it now because you have a child to protect.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

What enkmon said (as well as some other posters too).

I also want to add, as a musician it scares me to hear about wanting to get involved with actively protesting a song or type of music just because you are offended with it. It is not up to you to police what people listen to, or what they can access. Whether you like it or not, those performers have every right to write, record, and distribute that music.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I think trying to protest what artists are putting out is as disturbing as some of the music that you have a problem with. Obviously, you have the right to do it. However, you're the parent in your house and if you don't like what your child is listening to, you can choose to ban it from your house. That wouldn't be my approach, because I think that would shut down communication on some of these issues. For example, while I don't think the Rhianna/Eminem you're talking about is actually advocating abuse within a relationship, I think it's a fairly accurate representation of the cycle of abuse/love/abuse/obsession/love/abuse etc etc that does exist in some relationships - and if my 10 yo son was listening to that, it would serve as a good starting point to talk to him about those issues. And S&M? Well, I guess my gen's equivalent would be Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant" - and I wasn't much older than 10 the first time I heard it. I still love that song, and I don't think it's messed me up *too" much.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Karalina*
> 
> But is anyone seeing how this is os different from hip thrusts and gyrating??
> 
> This is messed up - epople hurting each other and liking it- and drinking until you are wasted-- this is different--- what could be worse than some of these images... how could it get worse?


I was a metalhead in the 80s...graduated from high school 25 years ago this June. And, I listened to music about people hurting each other. I listened to lots of music about people gettings wasted. Check out lyrics from Judas Priest - "Eat me Alive" comes to mind. That song came out in 1984. Motley Crue were huge back then, and pretty much all their songs were about violence, sex and/or partying. Look at stuff from W.A.S.P. (at least one song title that I can't type on MDC). Heck - check out 22 Acacia Avenue, by Iron Maiden (my favourite band of all time, and the song does operate on two levels, imo) - it's pretty raw.

I heard people in 1983 saying "they can't go any farther than this - they've pushed it to the absolute limit". That's almost 30 years ago. Back in 1967, my mom was genuinely shocked to hear The Doors singing "Light my Fire" on the radio. She's pretty open minded, but she was concerned about her kids hearing stuff like that. My grandmother was truly horrified by The Beatles (although I suspect that had more to do with their image than their content...grandma was all about image).

I haven't heard S&M. I have no interest in hearing it, to be honest. I'm quite sure I wouldn't like it at all. But, it's not new, yk? Rock, pop, hip-hop, etc. have been pushing the boundaries for a long, long time...and as boundaries get pushed back, they have to go farther to push them.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I think being overly-concerned is giving the music and lyrics too much power. Our kids can think for themselves. They aren't going to believe domestic violence is okay just because they hear about it from a song on the radio; if they live it and see it condoned, well, that's a different story.

I spent most of my teen years listening to and loving 2pac. I promise I am not a gangster as a result.


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## HeliMom (Jan 14, 2010)

Karalina,

I think it would be easier if you could try to pinpoint exactly what it is you are afraid of happening because of your sons exposure to music with lyrics you disapprove of. Do you think he will internalize it? Are you worried that he will harm himself or others? Are you afraid he will make bad relationship choices? That he will get involved with someone sexually before he is mature enough to handle the emotional impact?

Is your son easily influenced by others? Does he have trouble with boundaries? Does he allow others to take advantage of him even when he disagrees?

If you answered no, try to feel a little better because the music won't make him do anything, at worst it might normalize a cultural viewpoint you disagree with.

When I was a child my mom took me to the Opera. Trust me it's chock full of tragic awful messages of violence and loving someone despite abuse, murder, deception etc. These topics have been the subject of popular culture for centuries. Or how about classic Shakespearean plays? They can get very crude. I think others in this thread are pointing this out to you so that you can look at the situation more objectively.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> Back in 1967, my mom was genuinely shocked to hear The Doors singing "Light my Fire" on the radio. She's pretty open minded, but she was concerned about her kids hearing stuff like that. My grandmother was truly horrified by The Beatles (although I suspect that had more to do with their image than their content...grandma was all about image).


Exactly my point. That same Mom of mine (now 80)? Has actively asked my son to cut her some CDs with music he likes so she can listen to it. He as, though the years, listened to almost any genre you could think of. Some of it pretty raw and horrific. She listens to it all, and then tells him what she likes and what she doesn't. (Same mother who took issue with my listening to John Denver and Shawn Cassidy....) She prints out the lyrics, follows along, etc. And they have some really interesting discussions about it all. (So do we, but it's different.) And... it spurred him to listen to some of what she likes. Now? He's studying composition, with a focus on modern atonal classical music. Who knows where things lead...


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses.


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## FAmom (Oct 28, 2010)

I was just discussing the issue of music/lyrics with DH the other day. There are some songs that the boys and I like, and I couldn't decide if it was better to get a clean version of a song, or just not get the song. For example, the Cee Lo song. They did a clean version of it. A Glee version of it. And, then the original. The original has the F-word.

Now, I also have 3 boys. 2 of them are old enough to be more interested in the music I listen to, including my 11 1/2 year old. The 3rd is a toddler ..... so, he would be happy with most anything.

But, the issues for me aren't necessarily the words, in a way that I think they are sitting there thinking about all the lyrics and the implications. At this point, my boys are looking for a way to get away with, and giggle about, swearing.

So, while I have my own thoughts about being authentic and listening to an original version, as opposed to an altered version of anything, I also am not interested in providing my boys with a way to run around using profanity that I prohibit, and then giggling all darn day about it.

Also, and I will date myself, I have more issues these days with videos. For me, having grown up with the beginnings of MTV, and seeing the evolution of videos, I think the visuals, at least to my boys, are worse. It is true we had things from a lot of bands that had suggestive lyrics, gyrating big hair men and women, and some stuff that made our parents think "OMG!".... but, I think that these days if a group could put their music to something that would get classified as porn, they would. There is very little left to the imagination. And, I am not a prude when it comes to nudity or sex, but I think that there is nothing creative about having women wearing as little as they can possibly get away with, engaged in what basically is grinding and mimicking sexual activity.

All that said, I have no qualms in being the one that loads my kids' ipods, which I just redid their playlists and reloaded new stuff this weekend. I also don't let them have carte blanch access to the computer, internet, and especially youtube. They have rules and restrictions on a whole host of things, including various media, that I know their friends don't. And I am fine with that. Because, we aren't supposed to give up on trying to protect our kids from "garbage" - especially in our own home.


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## happysmileylady (Feb 6, 2009)

You know, I think we, as adults, tend to overestimate our kids abilities to get below the surface of the media they are exposed to. When I was a kid, I LOVED The Goonies. Loved it. Then, I hadn't seen it through most of my teen years and even into my early 20s. The first time my oldest saw it she was I think 7 or 8, I was excited to watch it with her, for me it was one of those classic type movies that you share with your kids. I was 25 or 26, so it had been at least a decade or more since I had seen it. OMG I was SHOCKED at how "scarey" I thought it was for kids. I was really afraid it was going to freak her out, with the hand in the blender, the dead pirate skeletons with daggers in their eyes etc. But as I thought about it...none of that phased me when I was a kid. I mean I saw it, but it wasn't something I interalized or anything.

Dirty Dancing...ah, Dirty Dancing. It was like 20 years before I ever realized that they were talking about an abortion. And the dancing...when I was a kid it was just dancing. When I watched it as an adult...it was DIRTY dancing lol


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Ah yes, Dirty Dancing. That movie came out when I was 10, I think. I watched that thing over and over again.


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## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Karalina,

You did not mention where your kids heard these songs. If on the radio, try and find a radio station that plays other things besides the top 10

did you boys buy the cd or download the tune?

If that is the case I don't think you can really get rid of it now, but you can expose your kids to different music and there is so much good music out there to listen to!

as I mentioned in my previous post, one my son discovered some of the other types good music out there he started liking all the top 10 hits a lot less.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mtiger*
> 
> Isn't this an age-old issue? Our grandparents didn't like what our parents listened to, our parents didn't like what we listened to, and now we don't like what our kids listen to.
> 
> I found that it was helpful to find out what it is about the songs that they like - I can almost guarantee that the lyrics don't figure high on the list.


Yeah. I remember people thought rock and roll was satanic or something. Of course I was alive during the 60s. Parents were disturbed by all the free love and drug references back then. My 5 year old really likes swing, Glen ****** specifically, and some old rock stuff on one of our mix cds. We don't listen to the radio much, so she hears a mix of electronica, old rock, hip hop, alternative, world fusion, swing and techno. We do censor what she hears when she's with us. I don't think most pop is serious enough to worry about content, but there are some Tool and System of a Down Songs, for example, that are too discordant for small children. Angst and discord are for teens not preschoolers. Once she's older we'll stop the censoring.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MusicianDad*
> 
> Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses.


Very good example - not sure why I didn't think of it.


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

The question was asked "What is it you are afraid of"? that is a good question to ponder- off the cuff- I'd have to say that at 10- I have the opinion that kids' minds should be innocent of abuse, and people hurting each other for fun- or for abuse. and the outright sex mimicking--- I have provided my child with every reasonable good thing and protection i could for almost 11 years-- the good, the pure, and the beautiful. This is just such a major letdown as a parent. It is like throwing a beautiful piece of artwork you have cherish and loved into a mudpit-- it hurts to see it---- I KNOW my child is not an object-- I am just saying metaphorically ---

I'll have to think some more about what it is specifically I am afraid of.........


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

And he would rather die than hear my music--- he is all about the top 10 radio stations and whet they play at the roller rink and what his friends listen to at this point- but i will keep it in mind for the future-


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I get you. I'm shocked sometimes, too. It seems like life is really a little rough and ragged around the edges lately. But I have shared my concerns with my kids and when we hear something like that together, we talk about it. The sexy/slutty stuff bothers me less than the misogynistic stuff. I was in the skateboard shop recently with my teenage son and a rap song came on in which the fellow said he'd slap the bitch up if she didn't blow him well. I had a long conversation on the van ride home with my son and his friend about that. Stressing that good sex was consensual and that the lady should get her pleasure, too. Whew! Parenting gets odder all the time.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Karalina*
> 
> The question was asked "What is it you are afraid of"? that is a good question to ponder- off the cuff- I'd have to say that at 10- I have the opinion that kids' minds should be innocent of abuse, and people hurting each other for fun- or for abuse. and the outright sex mimicking--- I have provided my child with every reasonable good thing and protection i could for almost 11 years-- the good, the pure, and the beautiful. This is just such a major letdown as a parent. It is like throwing a beautiful piece of artwork you have cherish and loved into a mudpit-- it hurts to see it---- I KNOW my child is not an object-- I am just saying metaphorically ---
> 
> I'll have to think some more about what it is specifically I am afraid of.........


Speaking metaphorically, you haven't thrown that pieces of artwork into a mudpit. If you gave up on your son and decided that he is beyond help and let him do those sorts of things, then you have "thrown the artwork away". But you haven't and I doubt you ever will.

I was listening to some fairly non-innocent things before I was ten. I know many people who have been exposed to non-innocent things before they were ten. None of us lost our innocence because of it, or were damaged because of it. We were all raised by parents who understood that no matter what we were exposed to (songs like the ones mentioned above for me and some friends, movies like Psycho or Cheech and Chong for some of my friends, etc) they themselves were the number one influence on their children's lives. And just like that, I have seen parents who did everything to filter out what they found objectionable end up with children who did loose their innocence early and in one case the parents did toss out that artwork because it had been "contaminated". Which is a shame because their son is a truly wonderful person.

Along with thinking about what scares you so much, you need to consider the difference between protecting your children from the bad things in the world and teaching them to not let these things affect how they live their life. If only because there is only so much you can protect them from and eventually they are going to have to deal with it without you there to help.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> Very good example - not sure why I didn't think of it.


I probably wouldn't have either, but I was listening to it at the time.


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

This conversation is really enlightening for me.

I fully realize I am going to completely burn myself out by the time he's 11 if I don't change my perspective. I really appreciate and value the opinions of other mothers here on this board.

Does it seem like teenage years are starting earlier?


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

Oh, and you were right- I would never give up on my boys for anything- it's so not about a judgement or an appearance for me- it is really my concern for his heart and his mind.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I can't speak to the rest of the songs (because let's face it...Ke$ha loves to sing about partying and being drunk off her rear. Nothing redeeming about it, except it makes a killer workout soundtrack! LOL!)

However...why not use that Rhianna/Eminem song as a teaching moment. She's not asking to be abused in the song. She WAS a victim of domestic violence. The two singers are portraying the vicious abuse cycle...he abuses, she stops fighting it because it's happened so much, he apologizes, she comes back, he does it again. Use that to teach about respect, the cycle of abuse, etc.

But yeah, a lot of the songs on the radio are pretty awful these days. I don't think it's new though. I remember similar messages even 10-15 years ago...


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

So I did use it as a teaching moment after I took the CD out and threw it across the car! I know I know--- I have to control myself-- for some reason this has really set me off- this issue!

I ended up talking to my son about the lyrics- not that I ever thought I would be talking to a ten year old about this-- unless they've had the misfortune to live through something like that- he was truly shocked and dismayed that a man would hit a woman-- He said "You mean men hit women? That is disgusting!" So he didn't even realize what the song was about-- i don't know if that makes it better or worse!! And he realized why i had a hard time with it---- This is just all happening way too soon for me-- i never expected this at age 10.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

It's a good lesson for him to learn. Unfortunately, 10 isn't too young. I've seen children as young as 11 and 12 being abused by their "boyfriends". I just helped teach a self defense class to a bunch of girl scouts, ages 6-12. And a lot of the girls on the older end of that spectrum knew friends who had been hit by a "boyfriend" (I put it in quotes because I don't know that I consider children that age to be coupled.)

So, it's not too young for that conversation...


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Karalina*
> 
> So I did use it as a teaching moment after I took the CD out and threw it across the car! I know I know--- I have to control myself-- for some reason this has really set me off- this issue!
> 
> .... This is just all happening way too soon for me-- i never expected this at age 10.


It totally cracks me up that you lost it and threw something! The irony!

Welcome to The Big Issues. It's a whole new phase of parenting, and one I think most of us are a little shocked by when it hits.

I let my kids listen/read/watch whatever they want, but I stay in the loop (we all share an iTunes account) and talk to them. A lot of the music my DDs (who are 12 and 14) like have great beats and sound very fun, but the lyrics are trashy. Some of the videos just cause me to shake my head. Girlfriend, by Avil Lavign, ends with her having managed to steal the boyfriend, and then taking into a public restroom stall. And all because "I can do it better." And none of it is any worse that I what I listened to 30 years ago.

I decided I wanted to put together a play list of "emotionally healthy songs" (just for me) and ask my kids to help. It was a lot of fun. I keep talking to them, and so far, they seem have pretty good heads on the shoulders. Listening to trashy music hasn't translated into trashy behavior.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

You can't really stop him from hearing the songs. I was also very cautious with my choice of music. I listened to more easy going music when she was young. I also checked most of her book choices, and movies too.

Growing up, we had music that has inappropriate lyrics. I actually didn't understand most of those songs... even though I thought I did. I listen to them now, and think "Holy cow.. THAT'S what it meant?"

But, movies and books had a much bigger impact on me. I'm still traumatized by movies I saw as a kid. "Soylent Green..... is people!" I still haven't recovered from that one.

I read a book that I bought in the young adult section when I was 13. It was about incest. I thought it was about a brother and sister having the whole summer to dig a fort in the yard, when it was really about incest.

But, most of the music, went over my head. So, it never left an impression on me. But, if you are uncomfortable with it, keep your radio on a channel you are comfortable with, and don't bring too much attention to lyrics when you don't like them.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> Listening to trashy music hasn't translated into trashy behavior.


This, exactly. DS1 mostly doesn't listen to things with truly obnoxious lyrics (well, at least by my standards, which are probably not as stringent as many!), but he's definitely listened to some. I remember hearing one that he really liked when he was about 15, and wincing at the disrespectful tone about women. He and I talked about it, too. But...he had a girlfriend at that time, and he was always very respectful to her. (Her mom has told me more than once that she really misses ds1, because her later boyfriends haven't treated her that well. DS1 and her are still friends, too - and he also helped her realize that one of her boyfriends was being verbally abusive, and she got out of it.) He's been respectful to every girlfriend since. While I know I'm seeing him with a mother's eyes, and may have some blinders, I truly believe he's just an all-around good person. His liking of a certain amount of music with sexually charged and/or violent lyrics doesn't change that.


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## 2goingon2 (Feb 8, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MusicianDad*
> 
> Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses.


Yeah that and pretty much anything by Prince from the late 70's to late 90's. Loved it. Made my parents cringe but they did not censor what I listened to. Nor do I with my kids. I don't like everything they listen to but I don't like everything my husband listens to, or my co-workers, etc. I hate pop music today and really couldn't tell you what is popular now. It's not so much the lyrics as it is the auto-tune crap. Can't stand it. We do a lot of NPR and satellite radio. I do hear some of what my kids listen to because I hear it on their stereo or the computer or their iPod. I can't censor what they listen to. What I think is crap might be a masterpiece to them and that is the beauty of art. We have however, discussed the lyrics when I have heard something that I find objectionable but not a whole lot bothers me other than music that is demeaning to women. Then again my 17 year old is in to country right now and has everything from Van Morrison to Massive Attack on her iPod. My 11 year old is a huge Marilyn Manson fan as well as Sia. Go figure.

Can't relate to the videos though because we don't have cable or satellite or even local channels on our TV. We only do Netflix. My kids will show me some weird stuff on You tube though. I'm just glad they are comfortable enough to share with me.

We may not always agree with what our children listen to but the bottom line is - censorship is bad all the way around.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *2goingon2*
> Can't relate to the videos though because we don't have cable or satellite or even local channels on our TV. We only do Netflix. My kids will show me some weird stuff on You tube though. I'm just glad they are comfortable enough to share with me.


Everything is on YouTube. They've also downloaded videos onto their iPods.

I, too, am glad that my kids are comfortable enough to share things with me.


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

This thread brings to my mind George Michael's "I Want Your Sex" and Samantha Fox's "Touch Me." Both were big radio hits when I was close the OP's son's age. Yep. I knew every word to both. If the Rhianna S&M song came on the radio when I was in the car with my kids, I'd either turn it off or talk to them about it. Dh and I listen to quite a bit of music that mentions drug use/abuse, but not in the "glamorous" way that Ke$ha may mention it. The kids have asked why they talk about drugs and we tell them that some people choose to use drugs for whatever reason. It really brings some good, healthy discussion about drugs/smoking/alcohol.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

The DiVynils "I Touch Myself" is another one that comes to mind for me.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

DD was obsessed with Les Mis around the ages of 4-5 (and could read). She thought that "Pimp" was a name, oh well.

I have not yet faced this issue, but I have a huge issue with songs that advocate mysogony/abuse/racism/etc... I have no issues with songs that discuss masturbation, reasonable drug & alcohol use and other "adult" matters. To me, there is a serious difference and accepting the second group is not simply being accepting of your child. I wouldn't be accepting of my child spewing hatred of their own, I think I would feel the same if they were spewing lyrics that made things that make me physicallly ill into something "cool." I view it as I view pornography/pornographic images. I think the human body is beautiful and assume that my children will eventually have *some* contact with porn. If it's "erotica" or images, though, IMO it can be part of a healthy worldview. If my kids were watching porn on the internet that involved animals, child rape, etc... Nope. I don't need to accept that in my home to be accepting of my children.

I guess what I'm getting at is we all have different lines that we're willing to die on. There *is* music out there that I would be willing to say, "not around me/in my house" to.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Is your 10-year-old the oldest? or youngest? I guess I'm wondering where he's getting his exposure. At 10, my DD was totally oblivious and didn't care about pop culture. We listened to CD's around the house and in the car instead of the radio. We didn't watch much in the way of TV with her. Her friends were all into the Disney channel and so hooked on those singers but it was pretty much limited to that. Even at 14, she's far more into musicals which aren't squeaky clean but not typically violent, abusive, ect. My DS, currently 10 knows more about the pop world due to having a big sister but still, his exposure isn't so much that he's singing about abuse, rape, ect.

Where would you say your DS is getting it from?


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> Is your 10-year-old the oldest? or youngest? I guess I'm wondering where he's getting his exposure. At 10, my DD was totally oblivious and didn't care about pop culture. We listened to CD's around the house and in the car instead of the radio. We didn't watch much in the way of TV with her. Her friends were all into the Disney channel and so hooked on those singers but it was pretty much limited to that. Even at 14, she's far more into musicals which aren't squeaky clean but not typically violent, abusive, ect. My DS, currently 10 knows more about the pop world due to having a big sister but still, his exposure isn't so much that he's singing about abuse, rape, ect.
> 
> Where would you say your DS is getting it from?


I also wondered this, but I figured it was just a regional/neighborhood thing. I definately feel like DD is not to this point at all, yet, and she is in 7th grade (which is junior high here). Mostly, though, it's making me feel lucky! She'll still listen to Alphabuts, lol.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Haha, when I was 10 or 11, one of my favorite songs was "sit on my face" by Monty Python (found a bunch of their comedy cassettes at the base thrift store, and between them and Weird Al I was hooked!). I loved that song, I played it super loud. I thought it was talking about sitting on someone's face and farting or just being silly. I can't believe that my parents ignored it (super straight laced arch conservative) but I bet it was because trying to explain what the lyrics would have been worse than just putting in the earplugs and letting it be. 

I actually enjoy talking about song lyrics with my kids. Unfortunately I don't get the opportunity much because DD is on a j-pop/c-pop/k-pop kick, so neither of us understand any of the lyrics since we don't speak Japanese, Mandarin (or Cantonese), or Korean!  And we don't have cable and DD is not allowed unrestricted access to You Tube, so seeing videos just doesn't happen yet.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Karalina*
> 
> And he would rather die than hear my music--- he is all about the top 10 radio stations and whet they play at the roller rink and what his friends listen to at this point- but i will keep it in mind for the future-


I was thinking (tongue-in-cheek) that the more you pretend to like it the less he'll listen to it. 

I'm not sure throwing is a good thing but you know what? I bet he will remember your reaction for a long time, and since you discussed the reasons for it, your values.

I guess I'm learning in this conversation that music is one way to have a conversation with our kids...we're not quite there yet but I am filing it away for later.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Tigerchild*
> 
> Haha, when I was 10 or 11, one of my favorite songs was "sit on my face" by Monty Python (


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *TiredX2*
> 
> DD was obsessed with Les Mis around the ages of 4-5 (and could read).


Thanks to you two, I've had "Sit on my face" and "Master of the House" alternating in my head all afternoon. It's driving me bonkers. I'm going go listen to some Lady Gaga and see if I can drown them out!

(has every one seen the You Tube video of Christopher Walken reading "Poker Face" lyrics like a dramatic reading? Should I link it?)


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

So.......................... my boy gets his music interests from school and the skating rink where he goes on Friday nights with his friends-- and it's a christian run place!! but they play Top 40-

The irony is that we were very very very sheltered from the pop culture until about 2 years ago bc he was at the Waldorf School and then homeschooled--- He is the oldest by the way and now the 7 yo and 4 yo love the Top 40!!!

I guess I was just horrified to think this was Top 40!!! It certainly wasn't Top 40 Casey Casum i grew up with!

BUT (hold on to your hats!) there has been major progress on my part. I was thinking how some of you will be proud of me as i have been working on being more open minded and less reactive.

So I don't think i told you girls on here that my son got a concussion on Tuesday- long story but a basket ball goal metal pole landed on his head- ER and everything- so he is on rest at home-- this has given us time to sit together on the couch and watch some movies on Netflix together and look at Youtube on my ipod touch--- so he says "I don't know if you'll like this or not" and he shows me parodies of the Rihanna Eminem song and some Kesha Parodies and he totally gets how funny they are because they are exaggerating what the actual songs talk about- I swear i was laughing so hard with him and I really got to see that he's not going to behave these ways bc he hears the music (lightbulb moment!!) and I just got this feeling to just go with it and stop being so negative about it - and even though i don't see myself as Prudish- i AM prudish by today's standards! The other night in bed- he said "you know Mom- you see those songs as the way real life is and I just see them as pop songs." gold nugget!!

We were riding in the car and the Rihanna Eminem song came on- and he begged to hear it- (mind you this is the one that I threw across the car) so I braced myself, took a deep breath and said OK. So we listened--- he sang it- and at the end he said "Mom, you MADE it all the way through the song!" and he high-fived me. And when i just listened to the song- I didn't mind it so much- if you can see that this guy in the song is really struggling with himself---- and my boy doesn't even get that far into it to analyze it before the next song comes on (about partying or sex! LOL!) After the song, I told him that i wanted him to know that it was hard for me and that I consciously made myself see his point of view instead of being inflexibly stuck in my viewpoint-- and that i thought it was important to be open minded and flexible, and not impose your viewpoints on others. I told him he had helped me grow as a person. (I also realized what the love we feel for our kids can motivate us to do- to break through negative traits that we have and to expand).

The motto- "If you can't beat 'em Join 'em " has been going through my head.

We have been listening to all of his music. And we have been getting along better than we have in forever. He is hugging me, and even came up and kissed the top of my head as I was typing this. So what if there's bleeped out bad words or occasional not-beeped out bad words- he is not taking this seriously--- I truly feel like i have busted through a huge barrier, and your viewpoints here helped to support me to do that. Thank you.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Well done.


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## Syriani369 (Jan 28, 2011)

Ugh...im going to go live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere to get my kid away from this sh*t(I wish). Its a horrible,putrid,disgusting culture we live in.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Syriani369*
> 
> Ugh...im going to go live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere to get my kid away from this sh*t(I wish). Its a horrible,putrid,disgusting culture we live in.


No worse than it's ever been.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

I'm on the young side here and I feel like the music today is "@^#^%" compared to what it used to be. At least people used to sing and PLAY INSTRUMENTS...

Now any chick who can shake her butt in a provacative way can be a "star". No actual talent required. Auto-tune has destroyed music.

At least when people used to sing about sex and drugs they actually sang it. I cannot stand any music I hear on the radio anymore, it disgusts me, not because of the profanity etc although I think that is just stupid too but because of the OBVIOUS lack of talent people have and it is considered music...

Then again DH and I were born in the wrong decade and DD (a toddler) gets huge helpings of the Grateful Dead, Zeppelin, Beatles, and all sorts of hippy jam music. If she wants to listen to today's trash she is going to have to wait until I don't control the radio anymore because I won't be turning it on anytime soon and if she wants to buy those kinds of cds or itunes songs (how times have changed) she can do it when she can pay for them herself.

I know that people have been singing about sex etc... for decades but to me these days it is soooo much more trashy and dare I use the word the women practically roll around like strippers in their videos. I guess you have to dress like you are working the red light district when you have no talent to back you up....I feel very old fashioned saying all this and I am only 25


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> I'm on the young side here and I feel like the music today is "@^#^%" compared to what it used to be. At least people used to sing and PLAY INSTRUMENTS...
> 
> ...


Honestly, I think music is far more lyrical today than say, in the 90's. At least you can understand what they are saying now lol. Every generation tends to think the music past their own teen years is junk. Every generation thinks the next is corrupt in some way. Fact is, I've seen little from DD's generation that is worse than say the "Girls on Film" video Duran Duran made in the 80's. My generation listened to Madonna... um, "Like a Virgin" and "Papa don't Preach" weren't exactly innocent. How many times did Michael Jackson grab his crotch? My parents music, not so innocent either in the late 60's and 70's.

I will say, I do like some of the newer stuff out. I like Train for example. They aren't young guys but they have songs on the charts. Sure, there are a few songs on the radio that make you cringe but at least the younger generation has some options. There is still plenty of bubble gum pop and with ipods and MP3 players, you don't ever have to listen to the radio and hear anything you don't want to hear! If you go on itunes, many of the bands offer "radio versions" of their songs without cussing and tamed a touch. Like Cee-lo's "Forget You" is a groovy song.... just don't want to listen to the CD version lol. You know what my DD and her friends favorite band is right now? The Beatles. I tease them about how they were old when I was a kid but they love them. My 14-year-old has a Beatles lunch box lol.

I really don't know why some kids get all obsessed with pop-culture and others don't. I've been pretty happy with what my kids have picked and chosen from what is offered them.


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## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Karalina,

I am happy to know about the change of course you took and that it is improving your relationship with your son! That is so touching!

I do hope he recovers from his concussion! BTW, Ds went to a Waldorf school until he was 7, so I understand where you are coming from.

When DS 13 had to do an assignment for his music class last fall he chose the Rolling Stones. He discovered, and I rediscovered hippy music. It is great! We both love listening to it: The Rollingstones, Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Hendrix, and the Kinks, the Who.......

I agree with Ldavis24, It really was a great period of music, so much more original than now and yes, they all could play their own instruments and write their own songs and could also improvise on them in concert, (which many of the younger performers today can't do) My son has realised this on his own too and although he still listens to the top 40, he definitely likes other things now too.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> I'm on the young side here and I feel like the music today is "@^#^%" compared to what it used to be. At least people used to sing and PLAY INSTRUMENTS...
> 
> ...


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> Honestly, I think music is far more lyrical today than say, in the 90's. At least you can understand what they are saying now lol. Every generation tends to think the music past their own teen years is junk. Every generation thinks the next is corrupt in some way. Fact is, I've seen little from DD's generation that is worse than say the "Girls on Film" video Duran Duran made in the 80's. My generation listened to Madonna... um, "Like a Virgin" and "Papa don't Preach" weren't exactly innocent. How many times did Michael Jackson grab his crotch? My parents music, not so innocent either in the late 60's and 70's.
> 
> ...


I guess my point was I thought the music from my teen years and on is junk. I was 13 in 1999, I was fairly aware of the music around me starting probably around 10 or so...middle school aged. I still think it was all crap. Seriously just bad music. 3 Chord bands make me want to puke, then we have the stupid acoustic "revolution" with all the whiniest most angsty &@^$% you could ever want. Now it is stuff that isn't even made with real instruments. Nobody needs actual vocal talent (unless you are trying out for American Idol, sort of) or the skill to play instruments in ways that don't just copy somebody else.

I am not even talking so much about "innocence" who cares anyway. I completely agree that music hasn't gotten any crazier in the sense that it is STILL all about sex and drugs and stuff like that. My point is that the quality of music and the depth of lyrics IMO has decreased to the point where some rich little teenage brat can make her dad pay for her to record a song and make a video (look up Friday song teenager on youtube). Don't have talent...thats ok we can auto-tune it! I guess I am a music snob (DH loudly proclaims about himself to the point where I roll my eyes at him) because I think there are few real musical innovators today. Everyone just copies everyone else and none of it is good to me.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> I guess my point was I thought the music from my teen years and on is junk. I was 13 in 1999, I was fairly aware of the music around me starting probably around 10 or so...middle school aged. I still think it was all crap. Seriously just bad music. 3 Chord bands make me want to puke, then we have the stupid acoustic "revolution" with all the whiniest most angsty &@^$% you could ever want. Now it is stuff that isn't even made with real instruments. Nobody needs actual vocal talent (unless you are trying out for American Idol, sort of) or the skill to play instruments in ways that don't just copy somebody else.
> 
> I am not even talking so much about "innocence" who cares anyway. I completely agree that music hasn't gotten any crazier in the sense that it is STILL all about sex and drugs and stuff like that. My point is that the quality of music and the depth of lyrics IMO has decreased to the point where some rich little teenage brat can make her dad pay for her to record a song and make a video (look up Friday song teenager on youtube). Don't have talent...thats ok we can auto-tune it! I guess I am a music snob (DH loudly proclaims about himself to the point where I roll my eyes at him) because I think there are few real musical innovators today. Everyone just copies everyone else and none of it is good to me.


This I do have to agree with. Now I do like listening to someone the new stuff, but if I had to choose between that or the stuff from before auto-tune, it's gonna be before. There was a time you could go to a concert and expect the singer to be on key. Now you're lucky if they can even manage to stay in the right octave.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> I guess my point was I thought the music from my teen years and on is junk. I was 13 in 1999, I was fairly aware of the music around me starting probably around 10 or so...middle school aged. I still think it was all crap. Seriously just bad music. 3 Chord bands make me want to puke, then we have the stupid acoustic "revolution" with all the whiniest most angsty &@^$% you could ever want. Now it is stuff that isn't even made with real instruments. Nobody needs actual vocal talent (unless you are trying out for American Idol, sort of) or the skill to play instruments in ways that don't just copy somebody else.
> 
> I am not even talking so much about "innocence" who cares anyway. I completely agree that music hasn't gotten any crazier in the sense that it is STILL all about sex and drugs and stuff like that. My point is that the quality of music and the depth of lyrics IMO has decreased to the point where some rich little teenage brat can make her dad pay for her to record a song and make a video (look up Friday song teenager on youtube). Don't have talent...thats ok we can auto-tune it! I guess I am a music snob (DH loudly proclaims about himself to the point where I roll my eyes at him) because I think there are few real musical innovators today. Everyone just copies everyone else and none of it is good to me.


I get what you are saying, but thing is, it doesn't really matter if it's crap. Kids don't generally want to listen to what their parents listen to. My parents were folk musicians. I was around all sorts of fantastic song writers. I didn't think twice about the fact that Sam Hinton was sitting in my living room. It was "ugh, folk music." I listened to Wham lol who was total crap... but fun, and different from what my parents listened too. DH is a major classic rock fiend. The kids listened to that stuff when they were younger. My 10-year-old still is. My 14-year-old is very eclectic but I tell you, if *I* like it, well, it's not very good apparantly.

Every generation produces a lot of crap but we tend to only look back at the best stuff. Even then, what is "good" all depends on perspective. My MIL is in her 70's and outside of the Eagles, doesn't think any good music exists outside of Dixieland Jazz. I get that you think everything is crap right now but fact is, it's not ALL crap. What you are getting access too is limited and frankly, the music industry is far more to blame than the talent of todays generation. We're around a lot of really talented kids. I've heard some fantastic songs written by teenagers but they aren't going to sell. I also know a couple kids who have done the "buy a producer" thing and got agents right away. Can't really blame the kids nor the talent for the fact that the recording industry only wants to sell one thing. It'll turn around.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> Every generation produces a lot of crap but we tend to only look back at the best stuff. Even then, what is "good" all depends on perspective. My MIL is in her 70's and outside of the Eagles, doesn't think any good music exists outside of Dixieland Jazz. I get that you think everything is crap right now but fact is, it's not ALL crap.


Exactly. There is crap and good stuff in every time period. The reason we hear all the good stuff from "the good old days" is because the rest was crap! In 20/30/50 years? They'll be saying the same about today's music.

And yes, a lot IS all about what one likes. Ask my Dad? There has been no good music written/produced since, oh.... maybe 1880. Perspective.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mtiger*
> 
> There has been no good music written/produced since, oh.... maybe 1880. Perspective.


No, I'm pretty sure that's an objective fact.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Wow. That song is intense. Honestly, the message I got out of it is that if you're doing crazy stuff in the name of so-called "love" break up ASAP, because no matter how much you promise to change you will just get worse and worse and worse. And if you're the one who's getting told again and again to come back, it'll be different, I love you, I promise, to RUN.

Explain to your ds that he can listen to the song once he's old enough to have a discussion about the meaning behind the lyrics. And then, when you think he's ready, let him read some stuff on abusive relationships and point out that the song outlines a classic abuse pattern down to the lines said.

Honestly, I don't think the song should be on the radio, because it'd be triggering for any domestic abuse survivor.

1880 misses out on Take Five, Dvorak's Requiem, and Teddy Bear's picnic.

Encompasses plenty of racy racy stuff, and violence, though.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> I get what you are saying, but thing is, it doesn't really matter if it's crap. Kids don't generally want to listen to what their parents listen to. My parents were folk musicians. I was around all sorts of fantastic song writers. I didn't think twice about the fact that Sam Hinton was sitting in my living room. It was "ugh, folk music." I listened to Wham lol who was total crap... but fun, and different from what my parents listened too. DH is a major classic rock fiend. The kids listened to that stuff when they were younger. My 10-year-old still is. My 14-year-old is very eclectic but I tell you, if *I* like it, well, it's not very good apparantly.
> 
> Every generation produces a lot of crap but we tend to only look back at the best stuff. Even then, what is "good" all depends on perspective. My MIL is in her 70's and outside of the Eagles, doesn't think any good music exists outside of Dixieland Jazz. I get that you think everything is crap right now but fact is, it's not ALL crap. What you are getting access too is limited and frankly, the music industry is far more to blame than the talent of todays generation. We're around a lot of really talented kids. I've heard some fantastic songs written by teenagers but they aren't going to sell. I also know a couple kids who have done the "buy a producer" thing and got agents right away. Can't really blame the kids nor the talent for the fact that the recording industry only wants to sell one thing. It'll turn around.


Actually I should be more clear...I am around a lot of newer music today...We (as a family now) go to a lot of shows/festivals that very often showcase/feature new and local emerging artists. There is some really fabulous stuff out there but you will NEVER hear it on MTV (not that they play music anymore anyway). So in that accord I totally agree with you!

I'm not looking to be convinced that there is tons of good music out there today. I know there are some really talented people making some really great music in places all over the country...However, what I am talking about is POP music...which no matter what anyone wants to defend it with, IMO is just total crap...I have a secret soft spot for Lady Gaga but she has lost me recently.

Music is a really really hard topic to find agreement on in any circle of people. DH and I disagree about a lot of stuff and I tend to disagree with most of our friends...It's not a big deal, I actually find it fascinating how 2 people can hear the same song and get something completely different out of it...No one can tell me there are many redeeming qualities in the pop music of today though. Music to me is actually playing instruments...and singing using your real voice. That doesn't happen anymore. Maybe to someone else it is purely instrumental, who knows.

Oh I am also fully aware that DD will probably end up hating all the music her super lame parents made her listen to..I expect that to occur right around the tween years. No surprises there... I also look forward to the day when she (hopefully) realizes that there is some music that should go beyond any generational or parental disdain type feeling...Aka the Beatles....

I guess I am just actually in somewhat agreement with the OP that I do in fact think Pop music today is total crap...I wouldn't punish a stick by using it to pick that kind of crap off my shoes


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Karalina*
> 
> The motto- "If you can't beat 'em Join 'em " has been going through my head.
> 
> We have been listening to all of his music. And we have been getting along better than we have in forever. He is hugging me, and even came up and kissed the top of my head as I was typing this. So what if there's bleeped out bad words or occasional not-beeped out bad words- he is not taking this seriously--- I truly feel like i have busted through a huge barrier, and your viewpoints here helped to support me to do that. Thank you.


That...is so cool.

Also, Kurt Cobain, if we're tossing out people whose music is better than whatever is going on today. And Queen.


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## Karalina (Dec 9, 2001)

WoW! we digress- or at least change the subject!!

This wasn't started as a critique on modern music- maybe that conversation can be bumped???

This was a thread about letting/ or not letting our children hear Top 40 or any other inappropriate music-------------- I could care less than less if it is auto-tune or acoustic real time voice--- it is what is said and how it will affect my child------------------------

And those of you who have "compliant" or easy- natured or whatever you would like to call themtype of children-- i have 2 of those types BTW---- and those of you who have much younger kids---- you may be talking a different talk when they get to be a tween- or teen- IF you want to maintain a relationship with your child---- I used to think the exact same thing- 11 years ago--- HA! My agenda got me nowhere but totally frustrated and angry-- and distant from my children. Do be careful of your own agenda---- I fairly well shoved mine down everyone's throats and it didn't go over so well- once my DS got old enough to have a say so----but it was nice while it lasted.........

I guess I've come to the conclusion that i'd rather have a close relationship with my child--- than forbid him from music that he likes loves and is everywhere around him in our particular lives-

And believe me I thought of running from our culture- but surprise- they play our music all over the world and watch our movies too------

I have to say after having flipped out about the whole music thing- i have come to a sense of peace about it and i have faith my DS will be fine--- now bc I have chosen to allow the music (the radio) and the cleaned up versions--- I know what the songs are that he is listening to and we can discuss them if need be- i have found out through all of this that he doesn't even know what the songs are talking about mostly- even though he knows the words-- crazy but true------

the beautiful thing about parenting is we are all free to choose how to raise our own kids and how to negotiate the rough times-- and then we can always learn and change ad infinitum--- this is what makes parenting such a wonderful process for healing and growth-----


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## NannyMcPhee (Nov 24, 2010)

I haven't read the whole thread, but hun, music has been and forever will be, be about sex, drugs and rock n roll. There is nothing new here. Its just music.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AllyRae*
> 
> It's a good lesson for him to learn. Unfortunately, 10 isn't too young. I've seen children as young as 11 and 12 being abused by their "boyfriends". I just helped teach a self defense class to a bunch of girl scouts, ages 6-12. And a lot of the girls on the older end of that spectrum knew friends who had been hit by a "boyfriend" (I put it in quotes because I don't know that I consider children that age to be coupled.)
> 
> So, it's not too young for that conversation...


I agree it isn't to young, nor should it be about boys hitting girls.

My just turned 13 year old was laughing with about her friends because "so-in-so" gave their boyfriend a black eye. After getting the scoop on the situation, I pointed out to the girls it wasn't funny. Their "friend" is abusive. Nobody, of any gender has a right to act like the girl was.

My dh and I are concerned about early "dating" or pairing up. These preteens and young teens don't have the skill. We have seen and heard of some weird stuff. My 13 year old has talked about one situation were the girl was spreading rumor the guy was gay because he wouldn't let her touch him (privates). I asked my dd why this guy was less of a "man" because he wasn't ready for sex. That situation shows more what is wrong with her not him. I also let her know, not all boys are physically mature at that age. I asked dd how she would have felt if the guy put pressure on her to let him touch when she wasn't ready. There is one girl at the school that got suspended because she thought it was funny and OK to grab boys crotches.

My dh and I have both corrected our dd because she said she was going to hit a boy upside the head, because he hung up on her. We were like WTF. We asked her what she was going to do when and if he hits back. We chalanged her to think about the appropriateness of her "idol" talk.

There is a lot of peer pressure to grow up way to fast.

I have talked to abuse, cycle of abuse, with our kids. We have made the decision gender neutral, I would hate my kids to get into a same sex relationship, and them to feel their was no way out or it couldn't happen to them.

We have used songs like Good Bye Earl by Dixie Chicks to "I like the way you lie" ...............one long on going conversation about abuse and how to have respectful relationship. The songs mention are new but there have many songs Carry Underwood and Miranda Lambert both have songs that started conversations. There has been other songs but at 2AM they are not coming to my mind. In part, I think it is because we don't generally listen to the music that has a lot domestic violence.

One person mentioned Glenn ******. I have to remind that person that "In the Mood" is just about that  Lot of Ragtime and Blues has sexual and/or violent lyrics.

We have had talked about Rhiana's S&M song. Dh and I remember "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me." from our younger years. What you do in your bedroom is your business. Some people like that stuff and there is nothing wrong as long as it is mutually agreed to and in a "safe" environment. S&M is not new or from one culture you can find it through out http://www.wellcome.ac.uk/en/pain/microsite/culture1.html My kids heard me talk about "little Nikki" and how my mom handled it compared to a friend of mine. I learned what Trojans were and responcible sex.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *NannyMcPhee*
> 
> I haven't read the whole thread, but hun, music has been and forever will be, be about sex, drugs and rock n roll. There is nothing new here. Its just music.


Always and forever, really?


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom*
> 
> Dh and I remember "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me."


After reading this thread, I went and looked up the lyrics to this song, because I'd never heard it (I'm not a Rhiana fan). I read this part and started giggling inside, because tons of people I know used to say this. It was a joke. And it might be a joke to her. . .or she could be into that, but whatever.


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

Haha, I love the S&M song...so does my 7 year old nanny boy (his parents let him listen to whatever is on the radio)







Ke$ha is on frequent repeat too.

OP, I'm glad you have worked it out with your DS! When I was 12, my mom found "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy on one of my mix cds and instead of freaking out, we listened to it in the car on the way to school every day (hey, it's catchy!). My brother is older than me, and he moved back home for awhile when he was 19 and I was 10. We listened to all sorts of dirty (uncensored!) music. My favorite? "Caress me down" by Sublime. Go look up the lyrics, haha. I'm a very well-adjusted adult and I thought I was just the coolest 10 year old EVER.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

That's one of my favorite Sublime songs. And, yes, it comes up on the Ipod when the kids are in the room. Oh well.







. The love Sublime.


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

We love all music and so censorship won't happen to often around here when it comes to music. However I wouldn't be above buying the clean radio edits either. One thing I think and I do it still to this day. I hear a song and know the words but I don't actually listen to the words till much later. Its the tune that grabs me first 9 out of 10 times. So its possible that your child could be doing the same thing.

I look back at a lot of the music I listened to like She's Got Skillz by All 4 One and I loved that song when it first came out. it wasn't till a few summers ago when the words actually hit me and I looked over at DH and was like do you know what this song is about and I knew all the words. And I really am not all that dense. But it was the beat that got me to like it.

I also believe that even the worse of songs can have a good meaning teaching moment behind them as well as what one song means to me can mean totally something else to the next person.

So for that we won't censor to much when it comes to music because. I watched DH's dad try it. I mean he even tossed out my CDs that DH then BF had in his car because it wasn't Christian Music. He went way overboard IMO. My parents were the ones that for the part raised us on all types of music. For us music is art even when its crap music at times.

DH and I always joke about what nursing homes are going to sound like by the time our generation, shoot even our parent's generation get there because right now walk into most nursing homes and they are listening to Polka and Big Band type music. Our generation its going to be Metallica, System of the Down, Korn, Tool, GnR, Zeplin, The Doors and so on. We used to work in a nursing home so we listened to a lot of polka which I love as well..lol

But the bottom line is IMO is its not the music or movies or games that shape our children its us as parents and how we chose to react to thing we don't always agree with.


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## NannyMcPhee (Nov 24, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mtiger*
> 
> Always and forever, really?


I should of said pop music.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *new2this*
> 
> *We love all music and so censorship won't happen to often around here when it comes to music. However I wouldn't be above buying the clean radio edits either. One thing I think and I do it still to this day. I hear a song and know the words but I don't actually listen to the words till much later. Its the tune that grabs me first 9 out of 10 times. So its possible that your child could be doing the same thing. *
> 
> ...


that is EXACTLY how I listen to music! DH cannot believe I can hum the tune of pretty much anything hearing it once but some of my "favorite" songs I barely know the words to!


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *NannyMcPhee*
> 
> I should of said pop music.


Just pop?

How about this...

There will always be music that is about sex, drugs and rock and roll, but there will always be music that isn't too.


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## NannyMcPhee (Nov 24, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MusicianDad*
> 
> Just pop?
> 
> ...


And there will always be people who get their panties in a bunch about the debil music kids are listening to these days.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *NannyMcPhee*
> 
> And there will always be people who get their panties in a bunch about the debil music kids are listening to these days.


Until I point out how raunchy and dirty and sexist the music they listened to was.


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