# Toddler self-soothing observation and question



## luckylady (Jul 9, 2003)

I wanted to ask you if your toddler has a self-soothing habit, such as thumb sucking or belly button feeling? I ask because in my limited exposure to children, the AP ones who still nurse don't do any of these things, whereas the non-ap, and even AP who are already weaned, have developed one of these habits. Just curious if it's a coincidence. My DD has no self-soothing habits (that I can see anyway!)


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## mrzmeg (Jul 16, 2002)

Hrm...I've never thought of that connection, but it might be true! I was weaned at 18mos, and began picking at my belly button a bit before I was 2. I would sometimes pick at it until it bled, and it even became infected once. My niece was weaned at 7 mos, and around a year began pulling her hair out.
My ds is only 14 mos, but he's still bf, and has no self-soothing habits.


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## WithHannahsHeart (Apr 22, 2003)

Hmmm... I "self-weaned" at 6 months (according to my ignorant mother







: ). I never sucked my thumb or a paci. I do remember a great deal of hair chewing and leg twitching as a child, though. My kid does absolutely nothing repetitive like that, is still nursing at 17 mos. She does like to pick her nose in the car, though, which seems to put her in a meditative state :LOL - does that count?


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

Good question. I have wondered about this myself. DD still nurses and does not suck her thumb or any other such thing.


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## LuvMy2Kidz (May 2, 2003)

My dd has sucked her thumb since she could get it to her mouth :LOL She's still nursing too, at age 2


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## Jennifer Z (Sep 15, 2002)

ds is still nursing (almost 2) and has no self-soothing habits that we can see. He also doesn't have a "lovey" that I assumed all kids have.


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## Jaybird (Feb 22, 2002)

my dd sucked her thumb since the day she was born, began twisting her as soon as she grew some, and chose to stop nursing at 18 mos. She is 27 mos. now and still does all of the above!


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## Melaniee (Apr 15, 2002)

Ds is two and no habits. Recently he's begun asking for a certain stuffed animal and blanket at bed- or nap-time, but he doesn't really sleep with them, just puts them near him. It's not the addiction-like behavior that some kids have. LOL! I was the same way as a kid, though, I'd get attached to something to sleep with for a while, then change my mind to something else. I just liked to hug something to sleep, even a pillow. Ds has recently begun falling asleep on his own (sometimes..knock on wood!) if I am there. This is a big step!


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

That's a good observation! I think the thumb-sucking thing often happens in utero, so that may not necessarily be related to nursing one way or another. However, I have noticed that my nieces (weaned) do have those self-soothing behaviors you mentioned. One always had to touch her belly button while drinking a sippy cup, and one has to have juice VERY often (esp. right before sleeping).

My DD, still nursing, has a weird soothing habit. . . she carries around 2 little rubber birds. This just developed suddenly!


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## monkeysmommy (Apr 3, 2003)

I AP and breastfed my daughter and she started sucking her thumb as soon as she could get it in her mouth. She sometimes chose her thumb over the breast! I think she has a high need for sucking, but didn't always want milk to come out. She no longer breastfeeds, and that was solely her choice.

If she didn't fall asleep nursing, I would just lay her down in the bed next to me at night, and she would suck her thumb until she drifted off. At 20 months she still does this every night.









Oh, and she has a lovey. It's a striped IKEA pillowcase. It's name is Babu. Even though we co-sleep and I lie down next to her every night, she still cannot go to sleep without it.


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## monkeysmommy (Apr 3, 2003)

Oh, I just thought of an interesting thing to add, though. DD has not nursed in many months, my milk is all dried up, but I think her nursing substitution is that she likes to sit in my lap and be cuddled while I spoon feed her yogurt. She doesn't like to eat yogurt at the table, only in my lap.

And also she has to sleep with her sippy cup.


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## Kam (Jun 29, 2002)

I think kids have differing sucking and soothing needs, and find all kinds of ways to satisfy that need. My daughter couldn't comfort nurse because of my overactive letdown, so she learned to suck her thumb very early (if not in the womb) after nursing was over. We are still nursing strong, and she is still sucking her thumb to self-sooth at almost 20 months. SHe also has a lovey, which she is growing more and more attached to.

There is another thread here with this exact question, to which I posted this about Winnicot, and nobody had anything to say about it, but I'll put it out there again, for what it's worth. It is my understanding that Winnicot, the analyst who devloped the transitional object theory and coined the term, believed that the stronger the parent/child attachment, the stronger the child will be attached to his/her lovey.

I understand why Sears recommends against the binky for breastfeeding babies, but I don't think the idea that binky users might nurse less necessarily implies that kids who use binkies or have lovies weren't breastfeed, or weren't breastfed enough, or don't have strong enough attachments. It could be taken the wrong way, and could be hurtful, you know?

ANyway, that's my $.02.

warmly,
Kam, mamamamama! to Meg and OUR Lamby! :LOL


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

DS#2 (21 mos) has sucked his thumb for most of his life. He's still nursing. Am pregnant, so the milk is not so much to his liking anymore, but he's nursing even more, and still sucking his thumb.

Neither of the others sucked their thumbs (well, DS#1 did for precisely one month, when he was 5 months old, then stopped completely). Though they did wean when they were already over 3 years old, so that's kind of old, perhaps, so suddenly take up thumbsucking ...

DS#2 actually has pushed away the breast in favor of his thumb, too ...


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## luckylady (Jul 9, 2003)

Interesting replies! So it's just a coincidence - the belly button attachments seem to be quite common, and I agree different babies have different suck needs.

Kam I hope you didn't take my posing the question the wrong way - it was just an observation I became curious about. I had never heard the theory you mentioned - very interesting!

DD does have a little bear she loves.


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## Aiti (Dec 24, 2003)

Hi,
My daughter nursed for 18 months, and also has sucked her thumb since she was 4 months old. She seems to be doing it less these days - mostly just when she's sleepy.
I wonder if there's a genetic component. I was a diehard thumbsucker (and breastfed baby) too.


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## Glitterbeam (Jul 26, 2002)

DD is 15 months and still nurses quite often. She has no habits except patting and pinching my breast and trying to twiddle my nipple (I don't allow this one)


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## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

My 19 month old is still nursing and has always been nursed and cuddled and hugged on demand, including during her colicky first four months. At around 5 months old, it was as though a switch turned on in her head and she said, "Oh. Ok. Done crying now." She became a little ball of sunshine around then. Suddenly, we found her sucking her thumb when she woke up in the mornings. As time went on, she sucked it more and more, until it became her way of showing us she was tired or sad. Through all of this, I've continued to nurse her and offer her as much affection and love as she wanted. She still sucks her thumb and twirls my hair when she's tired. If I'm not in reach (like in the car), she'll twirl her own hair.

Kids can form attachments to things, discover their own ways of comforting themselves, and STILL feel secure in their parents' love and attention. For my daughter, a sign that she trusts and loves someone is that when they pick her up, she puts her thumb in her mouth and her head on their shoulder. That's what she does with her daddy and me.

-Debi


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## Kam (Jun 29, 2002)

I just love hearing about all these babies and their hair-twirling, thumb-sucking, lovey loving behaviors. Ahhhh. Couldn't you just squeeze them all?

Cheryl, thanks for replying to my post, but no, I didn't think you were saying anything negative about self-soothing in your OP. I guess I'm still feeling a little frustrated at the prior posts on this subject, and wanting to nip the negatively-nuanced posts in the bud, if I could. Not just for me, who worries constantly about whether Meg is feeling loved enough or dissatisfied in some way, but for those mamas who use formula or binkies, or whatever. Sometimes my defensiveness gets ahead of me.







: I just thought _your_ post was asking an interesting question with genuine curiosity. As for your posts on the PC issue, may I just say that...THEY ROCK!














:LOL

warmly,
Kam, mamamama! to MegAs for


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## Ivarson (Aug 28, 2002)

My twenty one month old ds weaned himself at 16 months and still pulls my ear lobe and rubs it when he's tired, scared or unsure of something. He started doing this when he was still breastfeeding, and after he weaned, he kept up with the ear fetish. I love it, but it does hurt after a while when my earrings are in! I don't know if this proves your findings wrong, but he started the habit while he was still nursing a lot.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

My first one started sucking her thumb after we took away her pacifier (4 months after she weaned) she was 2 and a half. She is 7 1/2 now and still has to constantly be mouthing something.

My 3 year old slef soothed from the time she was about 4 months. She would pull her hair until it came out and would do this *while* she was nursing even. It is just how she would unwind and get to sleep. She weaned at 2 and started ear rubbing at about 2 1/2 right before her baby sister was born.

Ava is a year and is still nursing and pats herself. It is too cute because she will also sooth others by patting them gently. iguess because that is the first thing I do when she cries is I baack or bum. Go figure.

which reminds me. My first one would kiss her own owies. God forbid I start slobbering all over her ans slow her down. Once she fell and I jumped up to go to her and she hollered "Got it mom", kissed herself and went on playing. :LOL what a goofy set of kids I have.


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## mom2jack (Apr 19, 2003)

I always wondered about this also. DS also doesn't suck his thumb or a pacifier and doesn't really have a lovey and is still nursing. Although from all the other posters it looks like it's just an individual thing. Good to know!


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## noodle4u (Jul 19, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by lilyka_
*
which reminds me. My first one would kiss her own owies. God forbid I start slobbering all over her ans slow her down. Once she fell and I jumped up to go to her and she hollered "Got it mom", kissed herself and went on playing. :LOL what a goofy set of kids I have.*
That is hilarious!:LOL

My 18 month dd bites her nails. Shes been doing this for about 4 months now. I also notice she wiggles her fingers when apprehensious. She twirls my hair and rubs it on her face when nursing to sleep. She trys to chew on my hair if Im absorbed in something and am not giving her my full attention.
DD is a sensitive child, a little high strung and intelligent. I wonder if she would do this if she were more laid back.
Oh and I still nurse on demand wherever and whenever (which is ALOT!)


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

Does it count that he wants to mess with *my* belly button? He doesn't seem fully soothed from a worked-up state unless he messes with it - very weird. He has no real self-soothing habits otherwise, but for some reason his hand always creeps its way to my belly when he wants a little extra comfort.

My siblings and I all self-weaned at around 4, and my sister has always had a fingernail-biting thing (and I have always had a lip-biting habit), so I think that it is pretty safe to say that nursing on demand and child-led weaning don't abolish self-soothing behaviors entirely, as the others have said. My daughter weaned just after 2 (it was a cooperative effort, not entirely child-led but very sensitive to her too) and has no self-soothing behaviors. I don't know whether this is just due to chance, though.


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