# putting baby down when drowsy = euphemism for cio?



## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

So, I'm curious about something. I see this advice all the time: _Put your baby down to nap/bed when he is drowsy but not fully asleep, so that he learns to fall asleep on his own._

I'm on my second kid and never *once* has this worked for me. Invariably, the baby cries instead of blissfully drifting off to sleep.

So, what gives? Are there babies out there that don't mind being put down? Is this common? Are my kids weird?

Or is this advice just a thinly veiled suggestion to cio?


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

No, it's not the same as CIO. "Putting the baby down while drowsy but awake" only turns into CIO if your baby starts crying when you attempt it, and you then ignore those cries. You could pat the baby on the back and make soothing sounds while the baby falls asleep in the crib, and then the baby may learn to associate the crib with sleeping and prefer to sleep there.

It's definitely a legitimate way to parent a baby to sleep- but it's not something I ever did with my own kids. I enjoyed snuggling with them at bedtime!


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

I just really don't understand this phrase: "so that he learns to fall asleep on his own."

Aren't all babies born knowing how to sleep?









I know my sis never seemed to lack this vital life skill. She would fall asleep in the middle of dinner. I used to* have a picture of her, slumped over in her high chair, fast asleep....with her face in her spaghetti.









*(I gave it to our mother, and she lost it







)


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## crazydiamond (May 31, 2005)

No, it's not an euphemism for CIO.

I did this very same thing with my DD. 9 times out of 10 she went straight to sleep without even a whimper. If she did start crying, I'd pick her back up, rock some more, and try again. Rinse and repeat until she went down without making a sound.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

It's not CIO, but has never worked for DD either. Granted, she's only 4.5 mos, but still... She gets mad pretty quickly, or will wake herself up and play with her feet until she gets overtired and fussy.

I am amazed at how many of those ideas do not even begin to work for DD - I can't believe so many people have such easy babes!!!


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## Da WIC Lady (Jul 29, 2007)

No, it's not CIO. It's the idea that they are already calm and half way asleep already, and will just drift off on their own and therfore not associate sleep with being held. I know some kids won't settle and fall completely asleep unless touching mom or dad. That is not uncommon. What I do with my kids is to put them down in the bed and lay down next to them, nurse until they're almost out, then get up when they're out if it's not my bedtime too. I hope this clears up the confusion. At least this is how I always read it in all the books. I can't immagine letting a baby scream itself to sleep.

Anna


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## westcoastma (Jan 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *llamalluv* 
I just really don't understand this phrase: "so that he learns to fall asleep on his own."

Aren't all babies born knowing how to sleep?










Of course babies know how to sleep, they do so much of it in the womb. However they don't instinctively know how to sleep "on their own". Much of that has to do with primal survival. Evolution doesn't allow for babies to just lay there alone (for very long) without crying-- that would mean their primary way of communicating would be lost, and surely babies would starve/freeze to death. Babies need help falling asleep so that they feel safe and secure, and know that someone will be there waiting for them when they wake up.

Falling asleep "on their own" means without props like rocking, sucking etc. The theory goes that falling asleep without such props makes for an easier transition back to sleep when the babe wakes up. Like, they fell asleep on their own, so they can go back during their brief night awakenings.

I have gotten ds to fall asleep "on his own". I don't turn my back and walk away... I nurse him until he's drowsy, put him gently in the cradle/on the bed then stay there with him and soothe him to sleep. Sometimes use a pacifier but I take it out before I leave/he's fully asleep. It takes about 10-20 min for a babe to go into deep sleep so I usually stay there with him so that if he does wake up i can shushhh him back to sleep or sometimes he just smells or sees me and will go back to sleep.

He's not an easy baby by any means. He was colicky, now teething... and a tough one to get to sleep sometimes. But it does work, we do it most times. But he still wakes up during the night (frequently right now) and still needs me sometimes.

(oh, and we NEVER cio)


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## knitdelaware (Dec 18, 2007)

DS has always put himself to sleep, and seldom cries. When he cries I go to his crib and rub his back and hum, or hold his hand. He settles right away when he knows I am there with him. He has always slept in his crib and really early started sleeping thru the night. When he wakes at 4:30 (yikes!) DH or myself will change his diaper and put him in bed with us for about an hour to cuddle, then we start our day. It works for us and is in no way even close to CIO. I could never just sit on my butt while my little one cries alone.


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## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

Oh! I'm not *accusing* anybody of letting their baby cry!

I was just curious if this phenomenon of putting a baby down and the baby being okay with it actually occurs in real life, because it never EVER happens at my house.

You lucky mamas!







I love snuggling my little ones, but sometimes it would be really nice if I could just pop the baby in bed, kiss her goodnight, and go do something else!


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## moonfirefaery (Jul 21, 2006)

Drowsy and crying are two completely different things. Yes, there are children who when laid down drowsy will fall asleep without crying. My youngest does it often, though my oldest did not.


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## Mere (Oct 1, 2002)

Both of my 2dcs were able to do this at some point (go to sleep on their own that is), I think around 1? Ds2 is 7months now and I've just started working on it with him. As long as he's really tired and swaddles, he lays down quite easily. He wakes up with every single sleep cycle though, so my short term goal is that he might learn to sleep through, say, 2 sleep cycles!

We do cosleep and all, but it would sure be nice to not have him waking up every 45-60 minutes! I think this 'method' is pretty gentle and effective.


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## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

When my daughter was a baby, I almost always put her down awake. She preferred to go to sleepalone. If she cried, it meant she was hungry/wet/not tired or just in need of some more cuddles.

Now she's 2.5 and refers to cuddle to sleep. Glad I enojoyed the going to sleep alone thing while I could!


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## nathansmum (Nov 13, 2003)

Never happened with DS, but DD was certainly of this type and still is! DS still likes me to lie down next to him while he falls asleep.


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## Peppermint Poppies (Jan 7, 2007)

My LO will do this for his nighttime sleep. We have a bit of a bedtime ritual, involving a bath, naked play, and final feed on the couch. We then put him in his cot, usually awake, and he puts himself to sleep without a whimper.

Daytime naps are a whole 'nother story


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## timneh_mom (Jun 13, 2005)

It never worked with my kids... but mine are both high needs... I don't think it's CIO. To me, CIO means you put them down and let them cry themselves to sleep, alone.


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## stellimamo (Jan 9, 2006)

With dd it never worked. She was to high needs and high strung. However ds will fall asleep on his on in a non moving swing or in the boppy. Not everytime but probably once a day.


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## justamy (May 11, 2007)

well, that is exactly what i end up doing for my little one. at bed time we have a nice routine, but naps have gotten difficult. starting at around 2 months she'd roll on her side, stick her thumb in her mouth and go to sleep whenever she got tired. then at about 4 months she decided she didn't need to nap. since then, i wait for her to rub her little eyes and yawn and then i put her in her crib. (if i nurse her to sleep, she wakes up when i get up, or when the dogs get excited about something, or if the tv gets to loud, etc. and then she's *awake*). in her crib she fights sleep and whines and fusses for two or three minutes. then she's out, and wakes up her usual cheerful self.

i worried about it at first, but avoiding the cries of a baby at 8 pm that hasn't napped all day is worth it.

i think she just doesn't want to be alone, but if i'm there she doesn't want to sleep. long way of saying, it works for us. i'd also like to note that when she actual cries (which only starts after a few minutes of fussiness) i go get her 'cause she is *not* gonna go to sleep...


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## MyBoysBlue (Apr 27, 2007)

That is exactly how DS falls asleep. I put him down in his crib when I know he is tired and he whimpers once pops his thumb in his mouth and out he goes. Doesn't work every time. He knows to just cry and Mommy comes. He started falling asleep like this when he was around 6 months. He naps in his crib and starts out the night there. I bring him to bed around Midnight when he has his first night waking. We co slept full time until he got too mobile and feel off the bed a few times. He can climb down now but he has gotten used to sleeping in his crib.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I don't believe it's the same as advocating CIO, but I think the drifting sweetly off to sleep in her crib all alone with little help because you, magic parent, hit that precious window of drowsy, is, well, a crock. At least, it is for my kid. She's 16 months and hasn't fallen asleep anywhere but in our arms in months and months. Even the car seat doesn't do it. When she was little, the sling, the swing, nothing worked.

But, it is true for some kids, that you can put them down drowsy and they'll just close their eyes and sleep. My 5 mo nephew is like this, and has been since day one. My SIL has no idea how easy she has it. She said to me "He's FINALLY sleeping through the night! Thank GAWD!" He was 3 months old. At the time, I had a 14 mo who has never ever slept through the night, who I am usually up with 2-4 times a night. Not that I mind most nights, I think it's biologically normal for her to be up every few hours. But, you guys know what I mean.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I don't believe it's the same as advocating CIO, but I think the drifting sweetly off to sleep in her crib all alone with little help because you, magic parent, hit that precious window of drowsy, is, well, a crock. At least, it is for my kid. She's 16 months and hasn't fallen asleep anywhere but in our arms in months and months. Even the car seat doesn't do it. When she was little, the sling, the swing, nothing worked.

But, it is true for some kids, that you can put them down drowsy and they'll just close their eyes and sleep. My 5 mo nephew is like this, and has been since day one. My SIL has no idea how easy she has it. She said to me "He's FINALLY sleeping through the night! Thank GAWD!" He was 3 months old. At the time, I had a 14 mo who has never ever slept through the night, who I am usually up with 2-4 times a night. Not that I mind most nights, I think it's biologically normal for her to be up every few hours. But, you guys know what I mean.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Ive not heard 'drowsy' ...but I have heard that saying with drowsy replaced by 'awake'...and this is what we did.
Some children are just more high needs than others - but my son was not one of them. I could put him down awake (we co sleep - so it was always in our bed) and he would fall asleep on his own. This was nice for us, as it helped for us to eventualy have evenings to our selves (thats mummy and daddy time







)... But I have never left my son to cry.
Some people may think I am lucky for having this type of child ...but I can see the downside to it as well. I wish I would have held my son more. A first child, all the 'mainstream' advice we are surrounded by....I would still do this if my next child is fine with it...the first few weeks we went down with my son but eventually when his own body clock started to change he was going to bed earlier than we were so this was without us ... He was happy and always has been...but having read the contiuum concept, I have said- I wish I would held him more, because I have seen the difference it makes and the importance of it. Just because he seems fine and happy doesnt mean he doesnt need me. If I could go back in time I would have held him more (not that I neglected my son) even when he would have been fine without me there. Not sure if any of that makes sense.
oh in answer to the op...no I dont think its euphamism for cio... however I do think certain parents suspetable to cio would see this as the way to go about 'doing it'...?


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## crazydiamond (May 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
But, it is true for some kids, that you can put them down drowsy and they'll just close their eyes and sleep. My 5 mo nephew is like this, and has been since day one. My SIL has no idea how easy she has it. She said to me "He's FINALLY sleeping through the night! Thank GAWD!" He was 3 months old. At the time, I had a 14 mo who has never ever slept through the night, who I am usually up with 2-4 times a night. Not that I mind most nights, I think it's biologically normal for her to be up every few hours. But, you guys know what I mean.

And to throw another wrench into the works. . the two are not mutually exclusive.

While it's true that my DD would drift of peacefully when drowsy, she still woke up 2-4 times a night until she was nearly 2 years old.


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## Elipsisqueen (May 7, 2007)

I think this probably works for easy babies, but for those of us with high needs babies, we know it's definitely the same thing as CIO.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

My DS just stopped nuring to sleep around 9mos. We'd rock and nurse... and he'd just pop off an look around, sort of quietly. I'd try to get him latched on, he'd pop back off. We were in a darkened room without distractions.

So I just put him down one night. And he just rolled over and went to sleep.

Didn't do it every night, but it became more common than not.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

that doesn't work for my dd (she has to be held, rocked, bottle, even at 2.5 yrs) but it does work for some. I worked as a nanny and in daycares for years so I've seen all kinds. some are very light sleepers so even if you've rocked and held them for 1/2 hr after them falling asleep, the second you get up to put them in the crib, they wake up crying. Those are the ones where you're better off putting them in the crib when you know they're tired, and patting them or singing to them even if they do fuss a little (not all out screaming). their eyes slowly droop and you make your exit. it's not CIO, at all, I've had to do it with a few once I realized they were light sleepers. that's listening to their needs and helping them form a pattern they're comfortable with so they get the sleep they need and aren't miserable.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

i think the idea is that if you do this from day 1 with a baby they will get better and better at falling asleep on their own. it's not necessarily that you leave them to cry--but that you attempt having them go down on their own each time, and if they don't (i.e. if they start crying), you parent to sleep.

but DD used to sometimes go down on her own (put her in the crib with paci and blanky and say night night and she'd just fall asleep!), and now she never does at all, so i definitely don't think just cuz they used to do it means they have "learned a life skill"







i think something like this, like most things baby-related, ebbs and flows.

and BTW even when she could put herself to sleep in the crib on her own, she was still not sleeping through the night. so that also blows the theory that once they "know how to fall asleep" on their own they will put themselves back to sleep at each brief awakening during the night. not so for my baby!


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Not a euphemism for CIO. Some kids really do go to sleep that way, I've seen them.

No WAY for my first, but I think my second may well do it.


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