# Why do kids 'need' cell phones???



## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

Ok, I am only 38, not that old and I REALLY do not understand why kids need cellphones. I didn't have my own cell phone until 6 years ago at the ripe old age of 32. Somehow I managed to get through life.

I see so many parents that have issues with cell phones. It definitley seems like more trouble than it's worth. There are enough issues with pre-teens and teenagers adding cell phone abuse just seems to be fueling the fire.

My oldest is 14. He plays sports, goes to a public high school and has friends. Of course he wants a cell phone but he doesn't have one yet. I know where he is at all times. I know the phone numbers of his friends houses. I know when sports practice begins and ends as well as his Sunday night Life Teen.

Don't get me wrong I'm not condemning anyone who gives their kids cell phones just like I don't condemn anyone who has video games or other gadgests. I just don't see the need and it seems to create so much drama. I managed to get through my teen years without a cell phone. Heck, I got through my 20's without a cell phone









When DS asks when he can get a cell phone we tell him he can get one when he can afford to buy his own pre-paid phone. We wouldnt' even consider having him on our plan. He is a good kid and has never given us cause to be concerned BUT I'd hate for him to get the phone, charge up the bill and then we'd have to deal with the consequences. I just don't have the energy. Seems so much easier to just say no until he can buy his own.

Keri


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Convenience. We live in the city, both parents work, and we don't have a car. I give my kids more freedom than seems to be the norm on MDC. The cellphones allow us to keep in touch, change plans if we want, and I feel that they contribute to safety.

If my dd 13 needs to get a taxi to or from an activity, she can call a cab easily. Then, when the cab comes, she phones me from the cab, and gives me the medallion # and driver name. I feel that any driver knowing that he has already been indentified is highly unlikely to try anything inappropriate.

So far we haven't had any problems with gigantic bills or inappropriate cell phone use.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I love for my kids to have a cell with them. We appreciate the ability to be in touch quickly.







It's convienent. Right now we only have two cells and Dh takes one with him, but the kids take mine with them a lot when they go somewhere so they can call me (on the home phone) if they need or want to. We hope to get the kids their own soon. We haven't had any issues at all with abuse.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I'm a single parent and both of my kids are actively involved with in and out of school activities. If there's a change in plans, someone's running late (or early), a bus doesn't show up (or breaks down), etc - it's convenient for us to be able to touch base. They've had phones for 4 years now (prepaid) and I've yet to have a problem with excessive or inappropriate use.

My daughter was on a bus once that broke down. I was at work (just started a new job). My son was expecting her to be home, and called me when she didn't show. I couldn't rouse anyone at the bus garage or at her friends'. They got cell phones the next day.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

It's good to know that you guys haven't had any problems I guess people only post when there are problems









I have been on a city bus that broke down so I know it happens but back in the olden days one would just walk to a pay phone to let their parents know they needed help and then walk home if they were not available. All through high school I rode the city bus to school, work and home and sometimes it meant I had to do a lot of walking between bus stops or if the bus never came or broke down.

I guess my pressure comes from my kids and part of it is peer pressure on me too. I'd say about 75% of my high schoolers friends have cell phones and I have to justify to him why I don't feel they are needed. We live in suburbia so I think that makes them even less necessary.

Keri


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## tatermom (Jun 11, 2005)

Just reading this thread out of curiosity as it's not an issue we'll have to deal with for a while, but I wanted to comment that it's much harder to find a working payphone nowadays that it was in the past.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
I have been on a city bus that broke down so I know it happens but back in the olden days one would just walk to a pay phone to let their parents know they needed help and then walk home if they were not available.

There are FAR fewer pay phones now that there used to be! With the lack of working pay phones, I feel best with them having a cell phone with them when they are away from us.

For awhile our kids had cell phones, but they just didn't use them enough to warrant the expense, so now they just take mine. Sharing works fine for us. When the get to the point that sharing becomes a hassle, we'll get them their own.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I figure it's easy enough to customize the features on a kid's cell phone to eliminate the possibility of abuse, so no reason not to have one to use for emergencies once they get old enough that they're spending a significant amount of time on their own away from home.

That said, I was terrible as a kid about calling home even when pay phones and the phones at friends' houses were easily accessible, so I don't think having a cell phone would have made me any more reliable or let my poor mom worry any less!


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Yeah payphones are harder these days to find. Even if there were just as many as there used to be I would still prefer a cell though. Easier.


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## mmace (Feb 12, 2002)

Hi Keri!

I'm a single mom of three and I got my oldest (almost 14) a cell phone a year ago. She has a prepaid TracFone - the original purchase was $20 and I've put another $25 worth of minutes on it for her, and she has enough minutes to last another four months or so, I'm guessing. She's involved with volleyball and band, so she has something gone on every day of the week except Sunday. Her dad is not at all involved, so she has to be able to get in touch with me at any time. Does she "need" a cell phone? Probably not. But I need for her to have one for the sake of my sanity. I have three different kids in three different schools, and knowing she has that phone really eases my worries.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

My dd is 17 and I've never had a problem with cell phone use. She doesn't have one anymore but that just only because she wasn't using it at all so I got tired of paying the bill







I just give her mine if she needs it as I'll either be home or with dh and he has a cell for work.

I liked her having one in case she needed a ride home, or in case plans changed ect.

ITA the reason you see all the problems is that those of us without problems don'[t have any reason to post about them


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Rain has had her own cell phone since she was 10. It's never been a problem, and we haven't had a landline for years. She's not in school, so she's out and about in the community a lot more. I don't want my kid to have to ask someone else to borrow a phone, and be dependent on their good will - I want her to be empowered to take care of things herself and run her own life. I really appreciate that I can call her when I'm running late, or plans change, and she can call me for the same reasons. I'm also glad she can talk to people long distance for no extra $$$. If she were ever in a situation that made her uncomfortable, again she would be empowered to call me, or another adult, or 911, without having to ask someone if she could use his phone.

Most of Rain's friends have cell phones, without any problems. I think the posters here are the exceptions - if it's going well, there's no reason to post about it.

Dar

ETA: What Arduinna said... if it didn't take me 20 minutes to write a post I could have saved myself the trouble!


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## dolphinkisser (Dec 26, 2003)

I also bought my daughters a cell phone for being honor roll students....it was 2 for one deal. They are 13 and 11 years and they were thrilled with it for the first month. Now they forget about it and leave it off or forget to charge it. It hasn't affected the quality of their ( or my ) life as much as some kept saying it would.


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## Cassifrass (Aug 29, 2007)

We'll be getting my DD1 a phone with our service provider for her 11th b-day next month. She's in 5th grade and still goes to school in the neighborhood so either I, DH, or her BM pick her up, but next year she'll be riding a bus to junior high. She's been going to lots of sleepover/after school extracurriculers laterly too.

Also neither house she lives in has a land line, and she's at the age where she likes to communicate with her friends. She mainly e-mails but we restrict her time online, so she's been begging for a phone.

The phone we're getting her has the option to pre-program in the number of minutes she can use, and which numbers she can call. We're going to allow her to put a few friends onto her contact list, but once her minutes are up she can only call us or her BM since we all use the same service provider, and get free mobile-to-mobile minutes. She'll also have a pre-set number of txt messages she can send/receive.

Also, the phone has a GPS on it, so we can find her if we need to. Love that.


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

I don't yet have a teenager, but I taught HS before DD was born, and I'm only 27, so I actually got a cell phone when I was 18.

I don't think kids *need* cell phones at all. I absolutely see how parents like for their kids to have them - it makes the kids available at the touch of a button 24/7. So, when a kid is running late for curfew, they can just call and let you know what's going on. If you're running late to pick him up from a practice or whatever you can call and tell him. If he remembers that he needs something he forgot at home he can call and tell you....

However, I also see how they get abused in a school situation. I regularly had "good" kids using their cell phones during my math classes. The school district rule (and we live in the same area, if not district, I'm in your API group, though we've never met) was that during the school day phones were to be turned off and in their lockers (meaning that any time I saw a cell phone in my room I was supposed to pick it up). I regularly had kids and parents mad at me because the child was "just talking to my mom".







: In the middle of Algebra, the child should have no need to talk to mom unless there is an emergency situation. This was the good kids. We also had kids texting friends for fun, taking pictures of tests to cheat, etc. It was a serious discipline problem at the school, even when the kids were staying within their plan minutes and such.

Of course, not all of the kids with cell phones were behaviour problems. I found that the students expected each other to use the phones during the day. It's a real social issue if your friends are texting you and you have to be strong enough to tell them "I don't text during class".

Just my 2 cents.


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## Stinkerbell (Aug 11, 2005)

well, I'm THAT MOM who "had issues" with the cell phone.

I got by without one, too, but we had payphones and my parents knew my friends and their parents. Life is very different in 2007 in the city. I want my kids to have cellphones so I can reach them when I need to, so they can call when plans dramatically change, and so if they encounter a problem while moving from one place to the next they can call for help.

We've had a big issue with flagrant abuse. We took the phone away which consequently takes much of his freedom away, he is working off the bill and when it is paid he will get the phone back with some new restrictions built in. Kids screw up (especially teens), that doesn't mean it "isn't worth" teaching them how to responsibly use a cellphone or other privlege so it is an asset to our family life and sanity. It means I have a bigger job of making sure it is handled well.

I dont care if you give your kid a cell phone, buy him a Lexus, or make him earn everything outside of board and food. But I want to keep my kids safe, in touch, and give them the ability to learn to be responsible adults.


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## MidwifeErika (Jun 30, 2005)

I don't think they are "needed", but sure have made life easier on many people. I technically don't need one either, but I think it is easier than a pager.

When I was in high school, cells were just becoming more affordable, but still almost no one had one, at least in my community. (1999) But I can think of so many times when it would have been a wise thing to have! Twice in the winter in MN I found myself in a ditch, once I hit a dog with my car and had to walk to the nearest farm (after dark, in November, MN, didn't know the people) to call my dad to come and help me with the car, quite a few times when my parents had to guestimate when our bus would be coming in from an event and either they wouldn't be at the school yet, or they would have been sitting in their car for over an hour waiting.

My kids are too little for phones now, and won't need them for awhile, but once they cross into a time when it would make my life easier for them to have one, they will get one.... probably a prepaid one.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

I got my kids cell phones because it made me feel better - that's the long and short of it. My best friend in high school went out on a date with a "nice" boy and was driven out in the country and told "Put out or get out". It was a LOOONG walk home, and I never wanted my children to be in a similar situation.

Less dramatically, our phones have been handy when the kids were on bus trips, and could call and say they were 20 minutes away from home, giving us time to be at the school waiting at midnight. Now that they drive, it is great to know they can contact us if they run into trouble, and it is really nice to call and ask them to bring home a loaf of bread!

If my kids abused their phones, I would take them back and only dole them out in emergencies, but mine have been responsible users.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
There are FAR fewer pay phones now that there used to be!

Good point.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

Here is the other spin on it. We don't have a landline at home. So, when my dd (who is 9) wanted, last year, to start staying at home by herself a bit - an hour or so when I am at the grocery store, there was no way to do that. Why? Well, if I left her my cell, then she couldn't call me, she would have to be able to find the grocery number, have me paged, etc.

ABsolutley if she is staying by herself, she needs a way to call 911 or me or whatever. So we added one with limited features to our plan. Guidelines are she can call only those people listed in her phone book. She doesn't answer a call unless it comes up as listed in her phone book. That sort of thing.

Now, we haven't hit the phase of extended phone use yet by her. But it is a safety issue at home as well as outside, if you see what I mean.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

I can definitley see how it is helpful when you don't have a land line. That isn't something we would consider where we live. We are far enough inland not to worry about a direct hurricane hit but the last time we had a major tripical storm most of the cellular services were down, not so with land lines. I know people that only had cell phones and they couldn't get service for days and were obviously without a phone to call family to let them know whether they were ok. So it isn't something that had crossed my mind.
Thanks for all the replies it does help me see how they are more 'necessary' for some families.

Keri


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## onemoremom (Jun 8, 2007)

I had one as a teen, one of the only people I knew at the time (I'm 26). It was mostly for my single mothers sanity after I started driving







She still always knew where I was and everything, but it gave me a lot more freedom and her a lot more ease of mind. She had a long commute, so she could call from work to know what I was doing after school if I wasn't home. I could call the home phone and leave a message for her that she could get from work. If traffic or weather was really bad and I was going to be much later than we agreed to, I could call and tell her where I was and what was going on. It was Much easier on her to know that I was passing exit 12, but due to the snow I'm only doing 25mph on the highway so will be an hour late on a typically 25 minute drive, than to only know there is this massive storm and her daughter isn't home after work when expected. Or if a movie ran later than expected, or after a concert I stopped to get food, or if plans changed at all I could let her know.

My son is much too young for me to think about this yet, we'll evaluate when he gets older, but that was my experience as a teen who had a cell phone.


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

They don't.


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

Because bad stuff happens to good kids and a cell phone can mean the difference between life and death, not being raped, kidnapped, etc, etc. Cell phones, as horrible as they are for bees, are IMO, one of the best inventions ever.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

It's funny how times change.
Pagers were the 'cool' thing in high school when I was a teenager.
Payphones were everywhere.
I lived in a suburb of Portland, Oregon, so the public transportation was a great thing, and I had a bicycle for getting around.
Lots of biking and walking for me.
I didn't need a cell phone. I didn't even have one in my 20's, either.
I have one now, but only pay $1 a month plus tax and I have a landline.
As a SAH tandem-nursing momma, if I have the van, and I'm on the road, I enjoy the security of knowing I have a cell phone in case of emergency.

I just don't see how a teenager needs one.
I can see it is certainly a convenience, and easy, for some families, but I don't see it as a necessity.

I was in so many after school activities: Track & Field, Swim Team, Marching Band, Earth Club, Amnesty International.
I was a busy teenager, but I never needed a cell phone (but they didn't exist, anyway).

If you feel your teens could use them and will be responsible with the cell phone, and you can afford the luxuty, then why not.
My daughters are so far from being teens, so I can't possibly know if I would allow them or not.
In fact, cell phones may be extinct by then.


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## hammycakes (Feb 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaomiMcC* 
They don't.









: Not only that, the jury is out on whether they negatively affect the developing nervous systems of children/teens.

http://www.vote.com/magazine/editori...l1653001.phtml

http://www.commercialalert.org/issue...ll-up-research


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

My two have them for my peace of mind, and sometimes for theirs. A couple of times I've been late to pick them up and they've just called to find out how far away I was. Sometimes the bus runs late and they call to tell me they won't be on time. We have not had any abuse problems because we told them if they use them improperly the money will come out of their savings accounts.

They don't know it, but I've never forgotten the news stories about the kids from Columbine who used their cell phones to call 911. I won't scare them with a recap, but it makes me feel a little better knowing they have the phones just in case they need to make an emergency call of any kind. Odds are we'll not encounter that particular situation, but if _anything_ happens where my kids feel like they are in danger, I want them to have the option of calling for help.

But the reality is, they don't need them so much as _I need them to have them._


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

I can't imagine not having cell phones. I think they are one of the best inventions, ever!. My older teens use cells, and they have been worth their weight in gold. DH and I hace often laughed at how we ever go along without them. Some families may not 'need' them (although ours does) and there is no reason to have something one doesn't need.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
I can definitley see how it is helpful when you don't have a land line. That isn't something we would consider where we live. We are far enough inland not to worry about a direct hurricane hit but the last time we had a major tripical storm most of the cellular services were down, not so with land lines. I know people that only had cell phones and they couldn't get service for days and were obviously without a phone to call family to let them know whether they were ok. So it isn't something that had crossed my mind.
Thanks for all the replies it does help me see how they are more 'necessary' for some families.

Keri

Yes-- if your family doesn't have the need, your family doesn't have the need. No issue.

I'll throw this in: We have friends in NYC, and even younger children have cell phones. But trust me, if my kids went to school in Manahattan and was taking public transportation home etc., I would be thinking about ways to attach cells to their bodies. I don't think there is a parent in NYC, given that hey are always goin to be a 'Ground Zero" , who doesn't want their child to have a cell phone, or immediate access to one.

Sometimes we forget that our particular needs do not extend to other people. We can all decide for ourselves what our personal comfort communication levels are, kwim? You don't need to justify your decision to not give your kids cells, and I don't have to justify our family need to make sure our teens have cells. End of story, that.


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

We just gave a cell phone to our teen around his 15th b-day this past spring just before he went on a trip to Boston with his religious ed class. The peace of mind for me alone is worth every penny. I knew I could reach other kids or the facilitators on the trip, but I wanted to be able to reach him directly. He rarely asked for a cell phone before that, but we knew he wanted one, we were just trying to figure it into our budget. He has been very responsible with the phone, and I am grateful that he has it. I think we will get ds2 a phone around age 13. There have already been times that I wished he had one.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

I plan to let my kids have them when they're older. 12ish? Dunno. I probl. will set limits on it until I feel they can be responsible for overages, etc.

Just a thought but my school had our emergency training and we reviewed all the sorts of emergencies that could result in lockdowns, etc. Now, if it's a nat'l or state emgc'y, yeah, no phones would work but if my kids were locked down b/c someone was stabbing kids in the bldg, (happened in my old school) I would like to be able to contact them.

Or, if they decide not to ride home w/someone, or hang out w/someone, who is making poor choices, I want them to know they can call me and I'll come get them.

Or, they get stuck out on their bike or skis by an angry moose, yeah, I'll come pick them up at a diff location, etc.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

I got by without a cell phone for years.

Heck, the only reason I have one now is...I don't know. I never use it. My DH has one, and is using it now for the first time since we bought it, because he's in training 5 hours away, and it's the only way we can talk.

My kids won't have one until they're old enough to buy one on their own, put their own names on the contracts, etc.

It's just not that hard to say "I need the phone number of the place where you'll be, or you're not going." It's not hard to find out the name (and phone number) of the school where games and events are being held.

I had no curfew from the time I was 14; I would run around the neighborhood/city with my friends, and call my mom every time we went to a new location, to say "Hey, I'm at Jon's house, phone number is XXX-XXXX, we're talking about going up to Steak n Shake on Page, shouldn't be there longer than an hour, I can call you when we get back." It just wasn't that hard, and it astonished my friends that even though they had cell phones and pagers, *I* was the one who had the most freedom.

In the other cell phone thread, people commented that their schools wouldn't allow students to use the office phone. I would be raising 7 shades of h*ll if my kid's school didn't allow them to use the phone, for ANY reason, and my kid certainly would NOT be attending that school. I am just







: that parents allow that kind of crap.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
It's just not that hard to say "I need the phone number of the place where you'll be, or you're not going." It's not hard to find out the name (and phone number) of the school where games and events are being held.

 Sometimes that's just not possible or practical. For instance Dd and her friend were at an outdoor concert from about 7-9:30 pm. We both appreciated how easy it was to call each other during that. There would have been no number to call her at otherwise. Also it comes in very handy for when they want to walk around the mall or etc and I want to be in another spot. It's not hard to ask for a number, but the cell just means I know they have a way to call me that is *right there*.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
Sometimes that's just not possible or practical. For instance Dd and her friend were at an outdoor concert from about 7-9:30 pm. We both appreciated how easy it was to call each other during that. There would have been no number to call her at otherwise. Also it comes in very handy for when they want to walk around the mall or etc and I want to be in another spot. It's not hard to ask for a number, but the cell just means I know they have a way to call me that is *right there*.

So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?


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## ericswifey27 (Feb 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
It's good to know that you guys haven't had any problems I guess people only post when there are problems









I have been on a city bus that broke down so I know it happens but back in the olden days one would just walk to a pay phone to let their parents know they needed help and then walk home if they were not available. All through high school I rode the city bus to school, work and home and sometimes it meant I had to do a lot of walking between bus stops or if the bus never came or broke down.

I guess my pressure comes from my kids and part of it is peer pressure on me too. I'd say about 75% of my high schoolers friends have cell phones and I have to justify to him why I don't feel they are needed. We live in suburbia so I think that makes them even less necessary.

Keri

I've noticed today that all the public phones are disappearing. They are getting harder and harder to find! I think cell phones for an elementary aged child are totally unneccessary, since one should be keeping a closer eye on him/her anyway, but safety and convenience come to mind for a middle schooler/high schooler who is allowed a little more freedom, ykwim?

But still they aren't _needed_. Can your highschooler have a cell phone if he pays for it himself? That's the approach I will probably take when DSs reach cell phone age. Then we'll see how important it really is to them.


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## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

We will probably give DS a Firefly when he starts public elementary school.
 






: He wants one, we can afford it, why not? I kind of don't get the arguments that phones are only for adults/teens or that it's some kind of luxury for a younger child to have his own. It's a pretty paltry luxury if you ask me! It's just a tool.


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## xixstar (Aug 15, 2007)

For our family, we see nothing wrong with them having them, but we're not at that point. DD just asked about having one last weekend and how "everyone at school has one". But since my partner and I both have one and she is either always: 1. with one of us, 2. at home with a phone, or 3. at a friend's house with a phone, we see no reason to get one for her.

Now, we have live in a situation where she didn't always have access to a phone or was often out on her own in the neighborhood (ie. out playing but not at someone's house) and we felt it might be worth getting one. But that situation passed and we're comfortable with how things are now.

When she can drive, we'll probably get her one. Until then, we're pretty confident she can manage without one. In the meantime, we're flexible and will see what comes up.

Oh - and it would be for contacting us, not her friends. The house phone is for social calls.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?

I will only speak for me on this---Why would I want to be out of contact like that when I don't have to? What would the benefit be? I want my teens to have access to cell phones. Just because people got along for millions of years without one doesn't mean they are not highly useful tools. I mean, do we 'need' to post at MDC?


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## Stinkerbell (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I will only speak for me on this---Why would I want to be out of contact like that when I don't have to? What would the benefit be? I want my teens to have access to cell phones. Just because people got along for millions of years without one doesn't mean they are not highly useful tools. I mean, do we 'need' to post at MDC?









ITA. If we're are TRULY talking about necessity vs. everything else, all but our clothes, food and water fall into the latter.

But what is the benefit of NOT giving your child an easy way to contact his/her family? Like I said before, I don't care if you give your kids a cell phone, hire a personal assistant for them, or send them out without any form of communication whatsoever but it feels like I have to defend my decision to be responsible about giving my children a means of communication and safety.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
I have been on a city bus that broke down so I know it happens but back in the olden days one would just walk to a pay phone to let their parents know they needed help and then walk home if they were not available. All through high school I rode the city bus to school, work and home and sometimes it meant I had to do a lot of walking between bus stops or if the bus never came or broke down.

The school system's kind of funny that way... they don't let the kids just get off the bus to make phone calls (even IF they could find a pay phone) or walk home.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?

Well, let's see... I take my kids to a fair number of concerts, along with their friends. The last one was my son and 3 buddies to Projekt Revolution. Started at 12:45, ended at ~10:30. Now, they're 15/16. They REALLY don't want Mommy hanging with them. And Mommy really doesn't want to spend the day in a crowd of sweaty teens and a mosh pit. So what's the option? *gasp* They have the freedom to do their thing and we tie up by cell periodically. Sure, I knew where they were, and who they were with. But I'd be damned if I had no way of getting hold of them for 10 hours.

When I took him and one of the guys to Bamboozle, the two boys got separated at the end. The three cells were invaluable for the three of us to end up in the same place.

So maybe it isn't "necessary" for some, but if it provides peace of mind and is useful for others, what's the problem? Don't get your kids cells. I don't care. But don't judge me for getting them for mine.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

We got our son a cell phone for his birthday. He's not allowed to use it during school or to call anyone not in his contacts (they're all free- we alll have Verizon), but it's good to know I can call him or send him a text telling him I'mm gonna be late coming home from work or if he wants to go to a friend's house, he can tell me so if I come home from work and he's not home, I don't worry.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?

So, turning this around, what if the friends she was with decided to go smoke a joint in the woods behind the concert, and Unschoolnma's daughter didn't want to partake, or even be around that. She could stay at the concert by herself at night for 2.5 hours... or ask a random stranger to borrow his cell phone, but that would seem to support the idea that cell phones *are* necessary. And what if it wasn't a 2.5 hour outdoor concert, but a full day event... and what if, instead of the pot, Unschoolma's daughter started feeling very ill and wanted to go home, or she fell and broke a bone (no, wait, that's my daughter's modus operandi). If the kids were older and had cars that would be one thing, but for 12-15 year olds, they're pretty much stuck without a phone.

Dar


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## mandib50 (Oct 26, 2004)

i don't think kids *need* a cellphone. clearly though, they are useful in certain circumstances.

that being said, i have a cell phone that is 4 years old sitting in my drawer never being used. i think we are probably one of the last families in canada without a cell phone. we keep saying we're going to get one and then we never do









this will change once i start my midwifery apprenticeship and then at least the kids will be able to contact me whenever they need to.

until then, we're good with saying we're going to by a cell phone and then not buying it


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I won't buy my kids a cellphone. They can earn the money if they want one, when they are older. In our situation, they are not necessary. If that changes, we will revisit the idea.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

The day I ran out of gas in South Florida in when it was 100 degrees out and I had to walk down the side of the highway with a 5 month old I went from thinking they're conveniences to thinking of them of as necessities. I never go without my phone. We live in an area that is spread out, so if I break down or get lost (which happens a lot because I'm not from around here) then it's a looooooong hot walk. If it was just myself I had to worry about I might not care. But walking down the side of the road with cars zooming by while I was holding my infant (and you wouldn't know it, that was the day I forgot my sling) was enough to convince me.

As a matter of fact, DH is at best buy right now replacing my phone because it's broken. I won't leave the house without it.

When DD is old enough, she'll have her own phone. There are also phones on the market that you can program to only be able to dial a few numbers, so no cell phone abuse. I couldn't a give a rats behind if she wanted to call friends, but if she misses a bus, gets lost on a school trip, etc, I want her to be able to call me NOW... not after she wanders around looking for payphone.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Hey, I'm not judging anyone, so no more personal attacks against me, k? thanks.

I just think it's ironic that the "natural family living community" is so tied down by such a modern convenience.

A teen being "alone" for 2.5 hours at a concert is not a big deal...besides...the teen would probably know that the friend smokes pot and/or would be likely to go smoke a joint during the concert (I was certainly aware of which of my friends partook) and would probably be able to avoid the situation by saying "Hey, dude, not cool, just chill here for the concert" or by *gasp* not going to the concert with someone who does drugs! Amazing how that works...of course, it relies on the teen having good judgment, and the parent being aware of what's going on.

A teen being "alone" for 10 hours isn't a huge deal either - you say "let's meet at X location every hour to check in"...boom, you keep tabs on your kid, they can wander at will, and no need for a cell phone - just a watch.

And, most locations that have public gatherings - such as an outdoor amphitheater - have first aid tents (if you're feeling ill or break a bone) or a security office.

I will concede to the breaking down with a 5 month old...that would suck, and that is a situation where, without a phone, you would be entirely at the mercy of good Samaritans. However...I don't think your every day run-of-the-mill teen is going to have a 5 month old in their car.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?

It's not that *I* don't want to be out of contact, it's that I don't want *her* out of contact.

Cell phones were just becoming popular when I was in highschool. It was about a 45 minute walk to and from school for me, and at one point the path that crossed the river got closed due to a rape investigation. I had to walk AROUND, which would have taken about 3 hours. By the time I hit the river path and saw the yellow tape and all the police officers, I was already 20 minutes into my walk, along a river where there are no shops or pay phones. So I had to make a decision - walk around and *hope* there is a phone to call my mom for a ride. Or walk back to the school and hope it was still open so I could get in to use a phone there (I was walking home after a game, most of the school was still closed up). I chose to keep walking, where about an hour later I was able to borrow a phone at a car dealership.

My mom just assumed I was running late at school and that I'd call when I got a chance. She wasn't worried. But after she learned I had been walking around by the river alone, where there was an investigation going on, with no way to call home and tell her I was late, it really sunk in that we needed a way to keep in touch. Not only that, but had she decided to go looking for me along my usual route since she knew "exactly where I was and and when I'd be home", she wouldn't have found me. Nor would she have know where to look, since from the road you can't see that the river path was closed. She would have had to start driving around town on all my possible routes, trying to piece together why I *might* have gone. But, since this was in the age of "I'll just call when I get there, no big deal" the fact that I called only 45 minutes later wasn't a big deal. There were no alarm bells going off since it was normal for people to run late, find a phone, find a quarter, etc etc.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
It's just not that hard to say "I need the phone number of the place where you'll be, or you're not going." It's not hard to find out the name (and phone number) of the school where games and events are being held.

I do that now even WITH a cell phone. Why pay the minutes if you can use a landline?







But when I'm out alone with a baby, stuck on the side of the highway with no gas, it sure came in handy.

And I want my daughter to be able to call me if she gets stuck, lost, locked out, broken down, etc.


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## jennnk (Feb 6, 2005)

Cell phones were BRICKS when I was in high school, and very few kids had them. If we went to the mall with someone's mom and wanted to go off by ourselves, we'd agree on a meeting point (cinnabon, usually, lol) and a time (an hour from now) and regroup. If I went to a friend's house and we wanted to go somewhere else, we'd use the land line to let our parents know what was up. If we were at a football game and a friend wanted me to sleep over, we'd either use the pay phone at the school or just go to the friend's house, call from there, and if it wasn't ok (though it usually was because it was the weekend and my mom could use the break), I'd go home. When we got in from field trips, I'd call collect and instead of saying my name, I'd say "we're back, come get me"; Mom would reject the call and drive over. My mom had a list of all my friend's numbers right there in the kitchen, and she still has a list because my brother's 18 and still living at home. If he's not home within 30 minutes of curfew, she starts making calls. They don't have cell phones because they can't afford them and my mom is a bit of a Luddite. Her partner has a pay-as-you-go phone, and he uses it when he's working music festivals & such, but usually he only uses $20 every few months.

George's siblings all have their own phones and it's been nothing but headaches. They have a land line and call waiting, yet they use their cells to talk to their friends _when they're at home_. They constantly go over their text limits, give their mom hassle about paying their part of the bill (V is 21, J is 18, and G is 17, they all have jobs and verbally agreed to pay for the bill if they got the phone), it goes on & on. I can understand having a phone if your kid is driving somewhere, especially at night or in a rural area, but MIL has a cell phone they could borrow for that purpose. No, they want their own because MIL's phone isn't "cool" enough









Andy's too young for his own phone, though he does have the store display phones that George brings home from work. I'm not planning on sending him to school, so he won't be texting in class, but I don't see myself willing to get him his own phone, either. We kept in touch just fine before the invention of cell phones.


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## graceshappymum (May 11, 2006)

Thank you, thank you...yes we all somehow managed to keep in touch before the advent of the cell phone. Dh and I both had one for a while and now we don't ahve any, and neither will DD, unless something in our situation changes to necessitate it, and I just don't see what that would be. That having been said, I am not against them all together. My little brother, 24 in April, is currently doing his PhD in Toronto. He could either get a land line or a cell, he went for the cell, and I must admit that it makes sense in his case.

DH has a much larger issue with cells that I do, he can't understand the need to be constantly available. He figures if people want him for something they will leave a message at home.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
However...I don't think your every day run-of-the-mill teen is going to have a 5 month old in their car.

5 month old or not, breaking down along the highway/interstate is dangerous regardless. My FIL once stopped at at accident where a car flipped into a canal, and a looky loo who was busy staring at the accident drove onto the shoulder and hit one of the patrol cars.







: The BIGGEST risk for people who break down on the side of the road is being hit by a car that is too busy looking at what's going on instead of concentrating on where they are going.

If I had a cell phone the day I ran out gas, I would have gotten as far away from the highway as possible and waited for my ride to get there. Walking along highways is not safe, and if/when my daughter is allowed to drive, she will most deffinitly have a cell phone in case the same thing happens.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

there is no need for a cell phone. I'm sure a lot of people get them for "emergencies", but they end up getting used for social reasons.

In an emergency, cell phones are so prevalent that it's easy enough to ask someone to use theirs.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tatermom* 
Just reading this thread out of curiosity as it's not an issue we'll have to deal with for a while, but I wanted to comment that it's much harder to find a working payphone nowadays that it was in the past.









That is true, but it's not difficult to ask someone to use their cell phone. In a mall, I've gone to the cell phone sales people (that are EVERYWHERE) and just tell them I need to use one of their phones and they have let me.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

My 14 year old has been to several concerts including the all day BuzzFest with alternative rock bands but never without my husband.
Obviously we all feel comfortable with different freedoms given to our children.
By the time my son is driving he will have a job and will pay for his own cell phone. Before the age of 16 he won't be going anywhere without us that isn't reachable.

When we go to the mall and split up the only technology we need is a watch - meet me here at X time. I feel there is more accountability when they know they have to be somewhere at a certain time rather than using a cell phone.

I have a cell phone and I am sure it came in handy with your baby and no gas but we are talking about pre-teen and teenagers here, not Mama's.

It seems more necessary once they are driving in case the car breaks down or runs out of gas. But before driving age to me seems unnecessary for most.
Driving+job=self paid cell phone.

Keri


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
I will concede to the breaking down with a 5 month old...that would suck, and that is a situation where, without a phone, you would be entirely at the mercy of good Samaritans. However...I don't think your every day run-of-the-mill teen is going to have a 5 month old in their car.

I've broken down w/o a cell phone at night twice with the kids in the car. Once was very scary and I did get myself a pay as you go phone after that. The second time my phone was not working. I stood behind my car and waved my arms to traffic and made the sign to telephone. I had a police car come to assist me within 15 minutes and another samaritan stopped.

I am comfotable w/o a cell phone where I live. But I live in an area that is known for helpful people and a fairly safe community, and the police and rescue here are responsive. The bad parts of the city are not terrifying as they might be in other areas of the country. If I lived in a larger more dangerous area I may want my kids to have cell phones for security, but I am comfortable with them getting along w/o them where we live. I expect them to learn that other people are helpful and for them to learn to help others in need.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Synthea™* 
Because bad stuff happens to good kids and a cell phone can mean the difference between life and death, not being raped, kidnapped, etc, etc. Cell phones, as horrible as they are for bees, are IMO, one of the best inventions ever.

Honestly, I don't think a cell phone can prevent a rape or kidnapping. It may reduce the chances slightly, but it would not be difficult at all for an abductor to wrestle a phone away from someone. I wish cell phones could prevent abductions, but that's overly optimistic.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
That is true, but it's not difficult to ask someone to use their cell phone. In a mall, I've gone to the cell phone sales people (that are EVERYWHERE) and just tell them I need to use one of their phones and they have let me.

Wel...this is a true story...I forgot my cell, and I was in the parking lot of the library, which had just closed, and I knew I had to pick up my child from a track meet, but i didn't know remember the addy. I asked two people in the parking lot if I could use their cell. One was a teen who said that her parents check every call and she would get in trouble, and the other was a guy who wouldn't let me dial. (Maybe he thought I would take it and run?) Anyway, my dd's phone didn't answer-- they must have still been warming up away from their backpacks. In the end, nobody died, but i had to drive 20 minutes in the other direction to get the addy from my house.

It was a pita, and I am an adult with a car, and am not as vulnerable as a young teen woman. I don't want my kid to have to worry if she doesn't have to. I think people are thinking cell phones are thise fancy toys kids don't need, and only rich kids have. Whereas others of us are to the point where we see them for what they are-- the greatest invention for parents of young people, ever.







:


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
Honestly, I don't think a cell phone can prevent a rape or kidnapping. It may reduce the chances slightly, but it would not be difficult at all for an abductor to wrestle a phone away from someone. I wish cell phones could prevent abductions, but that's overly optimistic.

How old are your children? I am really curious.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Soooooo...if the library just closed...the librarians were probably still there...meaning you could have knocked on the door, and if you were a teen 12-15 (which I think is the generally accepted age range in discussion) they'd PROBABLY have at least come to the door and asked what was wrong.

OR...you could always have been prepared, and written the address down on a piece of paper in your car.







:


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
Wel...this is a true story...I forgot my cell, and I was in the parking lot of the library, which had just closed, and I knew I had to pick up my child from a track meet, but i didn't know remember the addy. I asked two people in the parking lot if I could use their cell. One was a teen who said that her parents check every call and she would get in trouble, and the other was a guy who wouldn't let me dial. (Maybe he thought I would take it and run?) Anyway, my dd's phone didn't answer-- they must have still been warming up away from their backpacks. In the end, nobody died, but i had to drive 20 minutes in the other direction to get the addy from my house.

It was a pita, and I am an adult with a car, and am not as vulnerable as a young teen woman. I don't want my kid to have to worry if she doesn't have to. I think people are thinking cell phones are thise fancy toys kids don't need, and only rich kids have. Whereas others of us are to the point where we see them for what they are-- the greatest invention for parents of young people, ever.







:

So you and your DD having cell phones did lots of good?







: You didn't have yours and she wasn't answering hers.

I guess I am one of those that do think it is a fancy toy/gadget. One of those things we got by without for years and managed to survive just fine.

When you know you don't have a cell phone you double check things before you leave the house. You make sure you have addresses and directions because you don't have the 'crutch' of a cell phone. One of my concerns is that kids don't learn to rely on themselves to take care of things like making sure they bring their homework, lunch, gym uniform, money etc. They don't worry about that stuff because they can always call their parents. I see it all the time when I am at the school - parents bring things to them because they aren' responsible enough to remember them. Why should they? They can just pick up their cell phone.

Yes, things happen. The first day of school my sons bus broke down and he was almost an hour late. We all managed to get through it without him calling me. If it got later I would have driven the route to school or called the bus yard to get information.

Keri


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
I have a cell phone and I am sure it came in handy with your baby and no gas but we are talking about pre-teen and teenagers here, not Mama's.

My point is, is if something as innoxious as running out to get groceries and gas resulted in something dangerous for *me*, an adult, why wouldn't it for my (one day)teen? And before driving age there are buses, and walking (to which I gave an example of above from when I was a teen).

For my mom, who has NO need for cell phone beyond emergencies, she has a prepaid phone that she spends 10 dollars on every 3 or 4 months that she can keep tucked into her purse. Every few days she puts it on the charger, but for the most part it stays turned off. But if/when she breaks down and needs help, she won't have to walk in the rain or snow looking for a pay phone or shop where she'll have to ask for a phone.

I'm with UU mom, why _wouldn't_ you want that convenience? You don't have to use it. Keep it turned off, keep it charged, tuck into a pocket and forget about it.. but it's nice knowing that the your loved ones can call QUICKLY in an emergency.

It would be like me saying that I don't "need" to keep homeopathic in the house, because if I "really" needed them I could just go out and get them. Sure, but the store might be closed, or they might be sold out of what I need, or it might take longer. Why not be prepared?


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
So you and your DD having cell phones did lots of good?







: You didn't have yours and she wasn't answering hers.

Keri


My toilet malfunctioned once...but I still want a toilet.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
I'm with UU mom, why _wouldn't_ want that convenience? You don't have to use it. Keep it turned off charged, tuck into a pocket and forget about it.. but it's nice knowing that the your loved ones can call QUICKLY in an emergency.

In a well-planned life, there are no emergencies, is why.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
My toilet malfunctioned once...but I still want a toilet.

I am pretty sure everyone would agree that toilets are a necessity. Just a *little* different.

Keri


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
I'm with UU mom, why _wouldn't_ want that convenience?

And therein lies my point. It's a CONVENIENCE...not a necessity.

I'm with Kerikadi - you learn more responsibility without the crutch of the cell phone. You learn to check your gas gauge, and not to let it get below a quarter tank in spring/autumn, and a half tank in winter/fall. You learn to double-check your pockets to make sure you have everything you need before you leave the house. You carry a watch so you can tell people when you're going to be somewhere; you make sure whoever is expecting you knows the phone number of the place where you are/were, so that if you're late, they can call that location and find out if you're still there or when you left. You don't run up hundreds of dollars of bills for your parents to pay. You learn to plan ahead, and know that you're going to need a ride home from a sporting event, so you arrange to carpool with teammates - Johnny's mom is picking up Sue, Nick, and Phil on Tuesday, Sue's mom is driving on Wednesday, etc. It's called planning and being prepared...it worked for decades before the invention of cell phones, and I'm willing to bet it will continue to work for many more generations to come.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
I am pretty sure everyone would agree that toilets are a necessity. Just a *little* different.

Keri

I am saying this very kindly. When Corey starts driving, you'll want him to have a cell.


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Just what exactly is so bad about teens having cell phones? Of course we don't *need* it, but we like the convenience and the added measure of security. Makes *me* feel better that I can contact my son easily and directly. I don't make him check in with me on any certain schedule, and we have been out of contact for way more than 2.5 hours. I don't want him to rely on others cell phones/pay phones. These are not needs, but choices.

I also don't understand this prevelent tone throughout that teens are likely to abuse cell phones and must be so closely monitored with them. That just isn't a given in my mind. We have had no problems and have yet to over our minutes. Since ds enjoys his phone so much I let him have my upgrade and he ended up with an awesome phone (to him) that he loves. He does use it for social reasons as well as safety/convenience and that is all good, imo.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
My toilet malfunctioned once...but I still want a toilet.









:

I'm kind of chuckling at how silly this conversation is. Someone asked why parents would want their kids to have cell phones, but seems to care less about the answers, while others want to argue the gazillion ways why those people could just knock on doors or ask strangers for THEIR cell phones.







: Are you kidding me? They're just phones. If you don't need one and subsist just fine without, considered yourself spared the expense. But for cripes sake, get down off your high horses and acknowledge that other people might live in different circumstances. It's called opening one's mind. Don't ask if you aren't interested in the answers.







:


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 







:

I'm kind of chuckling at how silly this conversation is. Someone asked why parents would want their kids to have cell phones, but seems to care less about the answers, while others want to argue the gazillion ways why those people could just knock on doors or ask strangers for THEIR cell phones.







: Are you kidding me? They're just phones. If you don't need one and subsist just fine without, considered yourself spared the expense. But for cripes sake, get down off your high horses and acknowledge that other people might live in different circumstances. It's called opening one's mind. Don't ask if you aren't interested in the answers.







:









You're absolutely right. If you think a cell phone is a necessity in your life, by all means, own as many as you want!









I just can't imagine ever thinking a phone will be a necessity. Now, a computer with DSL, on the other hand...


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
And therein lies my point. It's a CONVENIENCE...not a necessity.

Ambulances, anti venom, indoor plumbing... they're all modern conveniences too.

I consider my cell phone vastly different from my play station, which is a frivilous convenience.









I'm out of this convo, it's painful (though I'll likely continue to read for the train wreck factor... )


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
Ambulances, anti venom, indoor plumbing... they're all modern conveniences too.

I consider my cell phone vastly different from my play station, which is a frivilous convenience.









I'm of this convo, it's painful (though I'll likely continue to read for the train wreck factor... )

Indeed they are...but I dunno, I'm thinking indoor plumbing has become a necessity...I sure wouldn't want to be answering nature's call with all the neighbors watching!


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
And therein lies my point. It's a CONVENIENCE...not a necessity.

I'm with Kerikadi - you learn more responsibility without the crutch of the cell phone. You learn to check your gas gauge, and not to let it get below a quarter tank in spring/autumn, and a half tank in winter/fall. You learn to double-check your pockets to make sure you have everything you need before you leave the house. You carry a watch so you can tell people when you're going to be somewhere; you make sure whoever is expecting you knows the phone number of the place where you are/were, so that if you're late, they can call that location and find out if you're still there or when you left. You don't run up hundreds of dollars of bills for your parents to pay. You learn to plan ahead, and know that you're going to need a ride home from a sporting event, so you arrange to carpool with teammates - Johnny's mom is picking up Sue, Nick, and Phil on Tuesday, Sue's mom is driving on Wednesday, etc. It's called planning and being prepared...it worked for decades before the invention of cell phones, and I'm willing to bet it will continue to work for many more generations to come.


It is also a responsibility to own a cell phone and to care for it and use it properly. Ds does many of the things you mention above (he does not drive) with the added convenience/responsibility of a cell phone.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigeresse* 
It is also a responsibility to own a cell phone and to care for it and use it properly. Ds does many of the things you mention above (he does not drive) with the added convenience/responsibility of a cell phone.

And what's this deal about kids abusing the phone for 'social' reasons? You can only call Mommy if your car is on fire, but please don't call your friends and make plans...? Really? That's just silly. My teens have never 'absued' their phones, and making 'social' calls is fine with us. You get a bazillion minutes with our family plan...the monthly bill doesn't change if you make plans to meet for pizza. Where's the teen love, the trust, people? This is a NFL site, after all.


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## jennnk (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigeresse* 
I also don't understand this prevelent tone throughout that teens are likely to abuse cell phones and must be so closely monitored with them.

Because, believe it or not, your responsible son is the exception to the rule. My husband works for Radio Shack and deals with cell phone customers and cell phone companies day in and day out. He has said, and I quote, "companies RELY on people to go over their minutes, over their text allowances, to use internet when they don't have a plan, because they make a LOT of money off it." He has at LEAST one person every day come in and argue with him over the bill because Billy talked to his friends too much even though Dad told him to stop. Kids, because they are human, are social creatures. They want to talk to their friends about anything and everything. I can understand borrowing mom's phone or having a prepaid phone for traveling, but chatting can be done for FREE on a landline or for the cost of internet access using IM, or hey even better IN PERSON! Stick a phone in someone's hand and s/he's more likely to use it. YOU (general you) might be able to stick it in your purse or glove box & forget about it, but that again is the exception to the rule.

And I fully understand that some people believe that it's better for their families, easier, more convenient, whatever, for them to all have phones. Fine, whatever. But it's not a necessity, it's a convenience. And no matter how much 13-year-old Mykynnzye teases your daughter about not having one, it's still not a necessity.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I am saying this very kindly. When Corey starts driving, you'll want him to have a cell.

I know this wasn't written for me, but I will mention that a cell phone for a teen driver is a double-edged sword. A teen driver can use a cell phone for emergency purposes, but a teen driver speaking on a cell phone while driving is a dangerous proposition. And an overconfident teen may think he or she can handle talking and driving at the same time. There's risk on both sides.

I respect that each family will decide what works for them. But a cell phone is not a necessity for us, and I believe our family, living in our geography can get by without them.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
]Where's the teen love, the trust, people? This is a NFL site, after all.

I trust my teens will be bright enough to get along in life without having to rely on a cell phone.







And because I love them, I will teach them how to survive w/o one.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
I know this wasn't written for me, but I will mention that a cell phone for a teen driver is a double-edged sword. A teen driver can use a cell phone for emergency purposes, but a teen driver speaking on a cell phone while driving is a dangerous proposition. And an overconfident teen may think he or she can handle talking and driving at the same time. There's risk on both sides.

I respect that each family will decide what works for them. But a cell phone is not a necessity for us, and I believe our family, living in our geography can get by without them.

That's a safety issue, and has nothing to do with having a cell, per se. . Some people don't wear seatbelts, and sometimes they drive too fast. DVD players and Ipods can also be problematic. I remember reading a news report about a woman who wiped out an entire family on bikes while she was changing the radio station in her car.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
I trust my teens will be bright enough to get along in life without having to rely on a cell phone.







And because I love them, I will teach them how to survive w/o one.

That's how it goes-- Give a cell phone, end the love.







:


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

My children CAN get along in the world without a cell phone, too. But if my daughter ever has to be put in the situation my best friend was in (date rape or walk home alone), I want her to have a cell phone.


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## Momily (Feb 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
I will concede to the breaking down with a 5 month old...that would suck, and that is a situation where, without a phone, you would be entirely at the mercy of good Samaritans. However...I don't think your every day run-of-the-mill teen is going to have a 5 month old in their car.

If it's a circumstance I wouldn't feel safe being in with a 5 month old, I wouldn't feel comfortable having my teen in it alone. Our children don't get less precious as they get older. However, "good Samaritans" are sadly much more likely to reach out to a mother than a teenage boy.

I believe in giving kids a fair amount of freedom, and letting them learn their mistakes. I also believe in giving them to tools to get help if they need it. My son will have a cell phone as soon as he's old enough to go places without me. He's 8 now and doesn't go anywhere without an adult. In a couple years though I expect he'll be walking over to the local elementary school to practice skateboarding, or walking to a friend's house to play. At that point I expect I'll want him to have a cell phone. He'll probably have a "pay as you go" phone so that any "misuse" will be his problem.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?

I don't think it's just that. Suppose your child needed to dial 911 and didn't have a cell phone? Have you ever needed to use a pay phone only to find it didn't work, or you didn't have change, or your ATM card was buried at the bottom of your purse? Have you ever had an unexpected death in the family and been unable to reach another family member?

There are many scenarios where a person might suddenly need a phone, and not all of them involve obsessively calling your child every 1/2 hour just to check on them.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
That's how it goes-- Give a cell phone, end the love.







:

No, that's not it. Love is not equal to a cell phone, or any other object. Just because a child does not have a cell does not mean that he or she is not loved or not trusted.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?

Could I have been? Sure. We've done that many times. But in this case we felt better about her having it with her. Also we weren't sure what time she'd be heading home (there was discussion about whether she'd be spending the night with her friend, or at the least going out for some coffee and such after the concert). We just felt better in this, and many other situations about her having the phone. Makes everyone involved happier.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momily* 
However, "good Samaritans" are sadly much more likely to reach out to a mother than a teenage boy.

That's a good point. I had not given thought to people's willingness to help females vs. males.


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## Momily (Feb 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
That's a good point. I had not given thought to people's willingness to help females vs. males.

As the white parent of a black boy I'm very aware that if I were walking along a highway (with or without a 5 month old) people would stop, offer to call for help, probably give me a ride or change my tire for me. If DS was doing the same thing people would lock their doors and speed up.

Needless to say my son will have a cell phone.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
there is no need for a cell phone. I'm sure a lot of people get them for "emergencies", but they end up getting used for social reasons.

I love using mine to talk "socially". Why on earth would that be bad?







LOL


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
5 month old or not, breaking down along the highway/interstate is dangerous regardless. My FIL once stopped at at accident where a car flipped into a canal, and a looky loo who was busy staring at the accident drove onto the shoulder and hit one of the patrol cars.







: The BIGGEST risk for people who break down on the side of the road is being hit by a car that is too busy looking at what's going on instead of concentrating on where they are going.

If I had a cell phone the day I ran out gas, I would have gotten as far away from the highway as possible and waited for my ride to get there. Walking along highways is not safe, and if/when my daughter is allowed to drive, she will most deffinitly have a cell phone in case the same thing happens.

I feel that if anyone is driving, they need a cell phone (or Onstar).
yes, I'm sure in some cases, it may not be a necessity, but I always have my charged cell phone with me when I am in the car.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kerikadi* 
When you know you don't have a cell phone you double check things before you leave the house. You make sure you have addresses and directions because you don't have the 'crutch' of a cell phone. One of my concerns is that kids don't learn to rely on themselves to take care of things like making sure they bring their homework, lunch, gym uniform, money etc. They don't worry about that stuff because they can always call their parents. I see it all the time when I am at the school - parents bring things to them because they aren' responsible enough to remember them. Why should they? They can just pick up their cell phone.

Keri

This is a good point. Teaching your child planning, organization, preparedness, etc is certainly important. Having a cell phone doesn't automatically mean a teen hasn't learned these things. Really, that's more a parenting issue than a cell phone issue. But I do see how some parents don't teach their children these skills because they.... I don't know, aren't that bright? use a cell phone as a crutch? expect their kids to learn through osmosis? I don't know... it's obviously important to teach your teens such basic self-preservation and self-reliance skills.

I also feel like people here are too judgemental of other people's choices.
It's their choice!
Live and let live.
OH, and I don't have a teen.
I didn't have a cell in high school (they weren't invented yet).
I did help raise my younger half-sister when I was 19-29, and she was 5-15.
She had a cell phone, portable DVD player, MP3 player, her own computer, her own tv, etc., all the technological luxuries in her mother's home that I never had. She didn't have them at my home, unless they were portable. Heck, she not only brought her MP3, cell phone, but even her own pillow and fan. hehehe.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
Soooooo...if the library just closed...the librarians were probably still there...meaning you could have knocked on the door, and if you were a teen 12-15 (which I think is the generally accepted age range in discussion) they'd PROBABLY have at least come to the door and asked what was wrong.

OR...you could always have been prepared, and written the address down on a piece of paper in your car.







:


Or kid could call you on a cell and it's done.







Perhaps it's just a matter of preference? Perhaps it's a matter of adults seeing all kids as irresponsible or not yet "worthy" of a cell? I don't know.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
So you couldn't be out of contact with your daughter for 2.5 hours, even though you knew where she was, who she was with, and what time to expect her home?

It's absolutely boggling the amount of unplanned or unanticipated events that can occur within a 2.5 hour span of time. If my teen is alone or scared and needs help, he need a means to get help. And, nope, we really don't have public pay phones widely avail. here. Suppose you could hike in and beg at a store but not always practical.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Abi's Mom* 
I feel that if anyone is driving, they need a cell phone (or Onstar).
yes, I'm sure in some cases, it may not be a necessity, but I always have my charged cell phone with me when I am in the car.


hehe Oh I have an example
I used my cell phone to call 911 while I was trapped underwater in my car at night off a country road. I did manage to smash the back window and was swimming, though, when the troopers came.


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## memiles (Feb 23, 2005)

My son is 16, has had a cell for about 3 years. Twice his junior high was put on lockdown for hours at a time. I was watching it on the news, the phone lines to the school were completely crashed from the volume. The school staff actually gave the kids permission to call their parents so as many of them as possible knew that everyone was ok. That alone made the phone worth it's price. (and yes, if I homeschooled, that never would have happened, no need to bring that into the equation).

He plays 3 sports a year, and practice times can vary by up to an hour. When he wasn't driving, I needed to know when to pick him up, yet the school doesn't have a phone available for kids to call home after hours. They assume everyone has a cell. When I was in school, they had payphones every where on campus, but that's just not the case any more.

Now that he's driving an older car with 200k miles on it, I'm more thrilled he has the phone. I couldn't tell you the location of a pay phone-even the malls don't have more than a few any more. If he needs to call me and I don't answer right away, I can call him back. I can send him text messages with instructions if needed.

And yes, he texts about 1504837 times a day, and it annoys the crap out of me. But at his age, I was glued to the land line in my family's home. Teenagers want to communicate with each other, and I'm perfectly ok with that.


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## bscores (Oct 20, 2006)

They need them these days. It just the way things are. We have a family plan and it makes me feel much better to know they can call me or dh if they need help. It also helps with coordinating our busy busy lives.

I remember when I got my own telephone in my room.


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## meco (Mar 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I'll throw this in: We have friends in NYC, and even younger children have cell phones. But trust me, if my kids went to school in Manahattan and was taking public transportation home etc., I would be thinking about ways to attach cells to their bodies. I don't think there is a parent in NYC, given that hey are always goin to be a 'Ground Zero" , who doesn't want their child to have a cell phone, or immediate access to one.

This is funny because I actually live in NYC, and I live in a neighborhood of many teens that we hang out with often on the stoop (my immediate neighbors include 9 teens, many teens on the perpendicular street and we attract a lot of others) and come to my house. I know 3 who have personal cell phones (there are others who borrow a phone from a parent. And those 3 pay for their phones on their own. Others have had them but cannot afford them.). And most take public transportation for an hour plus each way to get to school. Most families cannot afford it anyway, but if they could the kids do not think it is a necessity (it is all about your perspective). But we still live in a place where it is easy enough to find a pay phone. A lot comes into play--age, maturity and so on. This is not a black and white issue. I do not think anyone can make sweeping generalizations about it.

My kid is homeschooled so I do not know where the issue stands currently, but the DOE has a ban on cell phones in schools anyways in NYC. They were problematic (which we know if very possible. I am in grad school, and cell phones are a pain in the butt there!). I know there has been controversy. A lot of teachers say the kids response of they need their phones is a red herring. They are being used to text friends, cheat, pass notes, take pics inappropriately, tease and so on. If kids would leave them in lockers (if they exist) it might work, but kids are not. and they disrupt the classes. I know there is a pilot program with coin-op lockers to store phones in during school hours.

I went to boarding school at 13, thousands of miles from my parents, and I communicated my whereabouts and status solely by pay phone. Sure it is less convenient, but it worked. Antecodotal, but kids do not need cell phones, sure they are convenient and they may want one and you may want them to have one, but certainly they would get by without one if need be. This does not mean kids should not have them though. I just dislike the alarmist attitude that your child must have one or bad things will befall them.

Quote:

Sometimes we forget that our particular needs do not extend to other people. We can all decide for ourselves what our personal comfort communication levels are, kwim? You don't need to justify your decision to not give your kids cells, and I don't have to justify our family need to make sure our teens have cells. End of story, that.
I do agree with this though. My son is not a teen so I do not have an opinion on the matter yet. I do know other people can do what they want.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Has anyone here actually had to look for a payphone these days? They're not on every corner like they used to be and, how many people actually have exact change in their pocket at all times, assuming they do find a pay phone? And if the person you're calling doesn't answer the phone, you need to wait by the phone and call again, assuming you have more change on you. Personally, I'd rather have the comfort of knowing my son can find a phone (cell phone in pocket) and is able to call (no change neccesary) and if I don't answer, he can leave a message telling me to call him back (again, just call his cell phone). As for asking a stranger to use their cell phone? No way would I want my child telling a stranger that they are basically helpless and need to call to tell his parents where he is or that he needs to be picked up. Also, has anyone heard of *ICE*? *ICE*- *I*n *C*ase of *E*mergency. In most places now days, police officers, EMTs, fire fighters, ect, are now being trained for *ICE* these days. You add in your cell contacts *ICE* and then the name of who to call in case of emergency. As much as I trust my son to keep himself safe when I'm not around, I take great comfort in knowing that if, God forbid he was injured or unconscious and on his way to the hosptal, someone could check his contacts and call my Husband or myself, so that we could come to him, sign medical care papers for him if need be. I like having that extra safety net.

Also, on another note, I have a cell phone and, unless I saw someone in immediate need of medical attention or a younger teen (my son's age- 12ish) or maybe a Mother with small children, no, I would not let them use my cell phone. Not because I'm a selfish person, but because I wouldn't want to chance losing it. After 911, I feel much more comfortable knowing I can contact any family member at any time if need be. (And yes, I know cell phones were all jammed up on 911, but it still makes me feel better. Sometimes text messages can get through when phone calls can't.)


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## graceshappymum (May 11, 2006)

I must say that it is quite true that pay phones are almost impossible to find, and when you do find them they are often out of order. I supposed, after having read the responses that didn't just snipe at each other, that I may get a cell for my DD when she is a teen. That's a long way off yet though







. I do realize that as I have not parented a teen, and it has been some time since I have been one, I might not think of all the situations in which a cell phone might be not only useful, but necessary.

I think that the reason that my husband and I don't have them is more so that we are not always available to anyone who has our cell number. I think that having a pay as you go in the car for road trips etc is a great idea. I must admit that I miss that part of my cell, being able to call when you are stuck in traffic is a great thing.


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## ancoda (Oct 17, 2005)

My kids are a little young for me to really have much of an opinion, but I just wondered if all of you who do have kids with cell phones. Does their school let them carry them at school.
I just wondered because up until this year my littlest sister's school would not allow any cell phones or pagers on campus. This year they are allowed to keep them in their lockers but not carry them to class.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Ours are allowed to have them, but they are not to be visible during school hours. If a staff member sees one (or an mp3, iPod, etc), they confiscate it. Really.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Ours are allowed to have them, but they are not to be visible during school hours. If a staff member sees one (or an mp3, iPod, etc), they confiscate it. Really.

that's the policy at our school too.


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## iamama (Jul 14, 2003)

Whatever happened to the messenger bird? A peregrine falcon for all the kids? Now that would be NFL!


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## graceshappymum (May 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamama* 
Whatever happened to the messenger bird? A peregrine falcon for all the kids? Now that would be NFL!









:







:







: Thank you for that....I'll tell DD that when she is old enough to ask for a cell. Actually DH is a bird of prey enthusiast, maybe he'd like one for his birthday instead of a cell phone.....


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

He better back off my kids' doves or else they'll be heck to pay.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

_Would you seriously feel good about your teen daughter walking down a highway and no one knowing that she needed help? Until some stranger stopped? How loved that will make her feel, knowing that nearly all parents want their kids to have cell phones, but that you won't ensure she has access to one._

Here we go again with the cell phones = love analogy. Just because all the other parents are doing it does not mean it's right for everyone.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
I love using mine to talk "socially". Why on earth would that be bad?







LOL

I know! What's the big deal there? Some mothers in this thread might not have cell phones, so maybe they haven't experienced how useful they can be with an active child? Otherwise, I am scratching my head trying to figure out how a cell phone is different from any other phone. ???

My kid needs one. My 15 yr old called from cross country practice today (and I acutually had my phone with me!) to ask if she could go with a friend to her impromtu pool party after practice. Saved me a 40 minute trip.









Two years ago she was always home, this year she does stuff with other hsers. She needs a phone-- to call dh or me, and to make plans with friends. No biggle.


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## rabbithorns (Dec 20, 2005)

I'm laughing about the "what if your daughter were walking down a highway" thing. I told my daughter not to walk down any highways in the first place! She's too young to drive out of town at 17 (we don't live rural though so that could make a big difference if there were truly safety issues). Even in Alaska when we broke down by the side of the road, we carried survival gear for that very purpose, and it's the law for folks to stop if they see you pulled over since it's a life or death issue.

I can find a payphone anywhere and I don't have a cellphone. People who say you can't find a payphone are just repeating gobbledy-****. There were broken payphones back in my teen years (70s) also, but every business I go into will let me make a quick call if needed. Many times, I've asked for the nearest payphone and they've just handed me their phones.

Do teenagers need cell phones? Heck, I don't know anyone who "needs" one although I'm sure there are some very good reasons for some folks to have one. I don't need one. And my children don't either and they are not suffering so much I've had to hospitalize them or anything....When they are 18 they can buy their own if they want. I don't care if they have them, I'm just not buying, that's all.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rabbithorns* 
ked for
ng so much I've had to hospitalize them or anything....When they are 18 they can buy their own if they want. I don't care if they have them, I'm just not buying, that's all.


So your reasons are financial rather that philosophical? I can totally understand financial reasoning. That I get. I am havng trouble with the philosophical reasoning. Meaning, I can understand not wanting/being able to foot another bill, but I don't understand why cells are inherently bad for teens.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

I think a major reason, besides financial, for teens not needing cell phones is based on the word 'need'. Yes, it's a convenience, yes, it's a time saver, yes, it can keep you more in touch, etc, but I think the parents who are against calling cellphones a need, are against the word need because they see a cell phone as a luxury or bonus or a want fulfilled as opposed to being an actual need.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Abi's Mom* 
I think a major reason, besides financial, for teens not needing cell phones is based on the word 'need'. Yes, it's a convenience, yes, it's a time saver, yes, it can keep you more in touch, etc, but I think the parents who are against calling cellphones a need, are against the word need because they see a cell phone as a luxury or bonus or a want fulfilled as opposed to being an actual need.

A want fulfilled? By the parent or the child?


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## rabbithorns (Dec 20, 2005)

I'm not footing the bill because they don't need it. It's also a philosophical choice. If we lived way out in the country with our old cars, then maybe we would need them. Southern Arizona heat can kill you. We will pay for things we need.

But we don't live rural; there's a Walgreens every 5 feet around here.

My kids don't need cell phones for anything. My son got one when he moved out and paid for it himself. My older sister worked after high school to buy the clothes she wanted because my parents didn't buy more than we needed.

If they want something, they are old enough to earn it. That's the lesson I want them to learn before they move out and become as useless as half their friends who are being given everything.

My daughter broke up with her "true love" because he had no incentive to get his license and a car and a job. He lived at home at 18; his parents paid for his cell phone, food, whatever. And he hadn't even finished school, just dropped out. She got tired of taking care of him as well as herself as she was getting her own car and license and job and now her own apartment (she's almost 18). He was useless, she determined. Now she has a cell phone and it comes out of the child support (i give her all of it - she's the last one) because she budgets her own money and she can afford it and she wants it. But it's her choice to figure out whether or not she can afford it because it's clearly a want, not a need.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
A want fulfilled? By the parent or the child?

Either, or. In some cases, it may be the child, in other cases it may be the parents want.
Everyone is different.
With my half-sister, it was a want on both her part and her mother's part, for different reasons, obviously.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Abi's Mom* 
Either, or. In some cases, it may be the child, in other cases it may be the parents want.
Everyone is different.
With my half-sister, it was a want on both her part and her mother's part, for different reasons, obviously.

So you are not opposed to cell phone use by teens as long as they pay for it? To me, that's not the same as believing teens don't 'need' phones, or that they can't be helpful. I can understand not wanting to foot the bill. That's not the same as thinking kids never have a need for anything other than a landline.


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

Hi,

Several posts from this thread have been removed...MDC is a forum for healthy discussion, not heated debate. The cell phone issue has proven to be a touchy subject, let's not bring personal disagreements into things and keep the peace.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rabbithorns* 
If they want something, they are old enough to earn it. That's the lesson I want them to learn before they move out and become as useless as half their friends who are being given everything.

Ahh there we go. See we involve the kids in the budget and our financial situations so that they know what we have, where it's going, and why we are putting it there. We have no problem "giving" them things. They've never asked for anything out of our range and I've never noticed them being selfish or greedy before. If they want something we can't afford I explain that we can't afford it at the present time, and we discuss options. Waiting for a better time? Finding a similar thing for less? Selling something we don't need? My goal is honesty and to help in whatever way I can.

Sure I want them to know that much in life must be worked for, and we talk and they've seen good examples of both hard work and total "mooching" behavior. But Dd (almost 14) just asked me if we could her buy her best friend a birthday present next week, and the plan is to head over to Target to see if they have cute shirts on clearance. She doesn't have to earn the money for the gift, and she will not "owe" us for buying it for her. Is this the useless stuff you speak of or are you referring to the kids who demand (rudely) and actually get $40,000 cars ala _"My Super Sweet 16_" style?

Quote:

My daughter broke up with her "true love" because he had no incentive to get his license and a car and a job. He lived at home at 18; his parents paid for his cell phone, food, whatever. And he hadn't even finished school, just dropped out. She got tired of taking care of him as well as herself as she was getting her own car and license and job and now her own apartment (she's almost 18). He was useless, she determined.
Without touching the useless thing...

I think it's totally fine that your Dd determined she and her boyfriend were not in the same place in their lives. That happens quite a bit esp at that age I think. (My step Dd is 18 and recently her boyfriend ended it too.) Good for her for doing what she feels is best and right for her.







s

I am always wierded out when people mention that a teen _"still lived at home"_ at age 18. Is this really an awful thing?







Not every young person is ready or wants to move out at that age. There is usually the implication that an 18 year old at home is a total loser or incapable of dealing with life. Very very strange. Also, not every kid that leaves high school has to get a GED. We are unschoolers (I helped my kids "drop out" when they were really young lol) and mine do plan to get a GED, but there are often other options.

Quote:

But it's her choice to figure out whether or not she can afford it because it's clearly a want, not a need.
And that's totally cool if that's what works for her. It's also totally cool for families to give their 13 year old a cell.


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## mmace (Feb 12, 2002)

One thing I've learned over the past few years is that using the word "never" often comes around to bite me in the butt. It is next to impossible for anyone to say what they would do if they were in my shoes - single mom, three kids, one a teenager, dad not involved at all, all three in different activities, all three in different schools, rural area, live 20 minutes away from two of those schools, etc. etc. etc. - for my family it makes sense for my teenage daughter and I to each have prepaid TracFones.

I'm so glad cell phones were invented to that mommies would have one more way to judge each other!


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
Ahh there we go. See we involve the kids in the budget and our financial situations so that they know what we have, where it's going, and why we are putting it there. We have no problem "giving" them things.

And that's totally cool if that's what works for her. It's also totally cool for families to give their 13 year old a cell.

I think a lot of people have jealousy leftover from childhood about other people having things couldn't have, or couldnt afford. It's a lot easier to demonize children who do have these things than to imagine it's possible to be a decent, thoughtful, generous human being even if you did get some things other teens didn't.

My dh is one of those who is deeply grateful. He was a well-loved child whose parents were able to give him what he needed, and also what might seem firvilous. His parents paid his college, his parent got him a used car and they paid the insurance. Many times my MIL would slip him money for gas as well. He would have had a cell phone if such a thing exsisted in the early 80's. My dh had summer jobs, but no jobs during the school year. His parents gave us tens of thousands of dollars for a down payment on our first home.

My dh had/has a fantaastic relationship with his parents, and esp his father, until the day he held his father's hand as he was dying. One day when his father was so ill and incapacited that my dh had to change his diapers, his father said to him. "I want you to know I how much I love you, and how proud I am of you. I am sorry if I ever did anything to ever make you doubt that" My dh said he was surprised as he never felt anything but his parents love and pride. And that is what he told his father. Not long after, his father lost the ability to speak. That's the translation my dh gave me, anyway, I wasn't there and I didn't hear it.

That's what can happen when you respect a child, and don't set out assuming your child is unworthy of anything you could offer them.

It would be a better story if my dh had gotten all of that stuff as a child, and then tried to suffocate his father (instead of changing his dipaers) for the insurance money. But the truth it is.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Another thought on the safety issue:

Some have implied that since cell phones haven't always existed and we all survived, they aren't needed for safety. As I thought about this point, several things that weren't around when I was a kid came to mind:

*car seats* (had not been invented when I was a baby)

*bike helmets* (hey, I never had one and never had a head injury, so my kids must not need them either!)

*seat belts* (they existed, but no one I knew used them, now everyone I knew wears them).

*smoke detectors* (we've never used ours. It is a PITA because sometimes the batteries run low and it makes god awful noises in the middle of the night, yet I consider it a safety item and want it there just in case we ever do need it)

Even though these things weren't around when I was a kid and I turned out just fine, my kids are buckled up in the car, sleep in a house with multiple smoke detectors, and wear bike helmets! And they will always have access to a cell phone!


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Okay, I'll bite









From your list, my life has been saved by:

*seatbelt* 2x (I was knocked off a enbankment by a car going 60mph)
*helmet* (Dh and I have each had bad wipeouts where our helmets were cracked clean through)
*cellphone* (sorta: called while underwater in my car)

Not supposed to happen but stuff does. I don't need to argue or debate. It's my personal choice.

BUT I will teach my kids NOT to talk while driving!









eta: I don't think this is inflammatory but one thing to consider when we talk about the availability of landlines for stranded teens, I have been on the unpopular sides of debates here about
how much you would trust an unfamilliar teenaged boy
and
would you let a stranger use your phone


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## rabbithorns (Dec 20, 2005)

It wasn't my intention to suggest that living at home at 18 is a dumb thing.

It beautiful when kids stay at home and extended family is nurtured. I certainly see many kids living at home and going to school, working, taking care of siblings, doing laundry, etc. But I also see the ones who don't go to school or work, get rides from friends so they don't get licenses or bus passes themselves, and don't do a lick of work at home. They are nice kids, just kind of lost and sad.

IMHO, there's no problem with having a cell phone. I can think of many work and rural situaltions where they are extremely useful, and they have replaced some radio communication for some types of jobs. They are just a tool, so people can choose whether the tool is useful or not for themselves and their kids.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I think a lot of people have jealousy leftover from childhood about other people having things couldn't have, or couldnt afford. It's a lot easier to demonize children who do have these things than to imagine it's possible to be a decent, thoughtful, generous human being even if you did get some things other teens didn't............

That's what can happen when you respect a child, and don't set out assuming your child is unworthy of anything you could offer them.

.


I think there is a misunderstanding. I haven't seen anyone demonize kids who have cell phones, or parents who give their kids phones.

I say that cell phones are OPTIONAL for teens. They are not a NEED. If people want them fine. If I don't want them, that's fine too.

It certainly doesn't imply that I do not respect or love my children or that I think my child is unworthy. You're trying to make this into something it's not.

I think a teenager can get along in the world just fine w/o a cell phone. As I don't have teens yet, I don't know 100% if my child will have a cell or not. Even if we get one eventually, I will still view it as an option we choose and not an absolute requirement of teen life / survival.

To me, needs are food, shelter, love, etc. Plenty of kids are surviving and thriving w/o cell phones. Therefore they are not needed, they are optional.

Hope that's clear. Cell phone status is just about the phone, it has very little to do with love or respect or trust or other values. A cell phone is just a tool and good families can be good families with or without them.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
So you are not opposed to cell phone use by teens as long as they pay for it?

I never said that AT ALL!!!
I am not opposed to anything any other parent chooses for their family.


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
I say that cell phones are OPTIONAL for teens. They are not a NEED. If people want them fine. If I don't want them, that's fine too.

I agree cell phones are optional, not a need, like lots of things. But what if your child wants one? I think a lot of posters here are trying to point out that our kids desires are just as worthy of respect as are their "needs".


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

But there are levels of needs, as Linda pointed out. Is a carseat not a need? The vast majority of babies will be perfectly fine without one - my entire generation went without them, and I don't ever remember hearing about a friend or relative's child dying in a car accident. We also eschewed seat belts, and laid across the back seat , or else sat cross-legged in the back part of the station wagon. Are seat belts a need, or a luxury? Because I truly believe that a cell phone is more likely to prevent my daughter from harm now than her carseat was when she was little.

The convenience factor is also huge. If Rain and I turned in our cells and got a land line, anyt time she went somewhere without me with an unscheduled ending time, I'd have to stay home, or stay by a phone, or arrange to return to a phone at specificied intervals... and she'd have to do the same. What a pain! Without a cell phone, she would be much more limited in what she could do, because of scheduling. Finally, our area is also pretty payphone-less - there's one on campus, outside the union, and one downtown in front of one of the bars (not a great place to hang out), and those are the only two I know of...

Dar


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
I think there is a misunderstanding. I haven't seen anyone demonize kids who have cell phones, or parents who give their kids phones.
It certainly doesn't imply that I do not respect or love my children or that I think my child is unworthy. You're trying to make this into something it's not.

I
.

I wasn't writing anything in relation to you or your family. ?? I don't think your kids are unworthy of anything-- I wasn't even thinking of your kids when I wrote. In fact, I don't even know if you have kids...:headscratch. I think I asked you their ages, but I don't think you answered. That's the extent I know your kids. lol You might be personalizing something I've said, but I am not saying anything in particular to you.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigeresse* 
I agree cell phones are optional, not a need, like lots of things. But what if your child wants one? I think a lot of posters here are trying to point out that our kids desires are just as worthy of respect as are their "needs".

Well...add to the fact that I do think my kids need them, and I do need for them to have them. However, I accept that some people don't think they are a need, and do not need for their children to have them. But we do need ours. I would get rid of the computers before I got rid of the cell phones. Confuzzle much?

I don't need my computer if my child is stuck out on a hghway somehwere, and my kids don't need a computer of they find themselves stuck with some kids who decide to rob a 7/11. Not that my perfect children would ever find themselves in such an imperfect situation...or anything.


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## Teensy (Feb 22, 2002)

Slightly OT -

Man, some of you mamas are OLD! The first child car seats were invented in 1921!

Hehehe

I know they weren't required by law everywhere, but my mother had a car seat for me, and I was born in 1971.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Teensy* 
Slightly OT -

Man, some of you mamas are OLD! The first child car seats were invented in 1921!

Hehehe

I know they weren't required by law everywhere, but my mother had a car seat for me, and I was born in 1971.

somebody older than _me_







told me some of the first ones were more like a little box that you just laid the baby down inside. Not much of a carseat, imo.


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
Well...add to the fact that I do think my kids need them, and I do need for them to have them. However, I accept that some people don't think they are a need, and do not need for their children to have them. But we do need ours. I would get rid of the computers before I got rid of the cell phones. Confuzzle much?

I don't need my computer if my child is stuck out on a hghway somehwere, and my kids don't need a computer of they find themselves stuck with some kids who decide to rob a 7/11. Not that my perfect children would ever find themselves in such an imperfect situation...or anything.

True, *I* need my ds to have one for my sanity







! But I do concede that it is possible to manage without one, as ds did until only 4 months ago or so, which is when he got his. He doesn't drive yet, but I'm sure when he does my feelings on the "need-factor" will change. Obviously there is a huge range of opinions on this.

I guess for me it boils down to the notion of no absolutes. There is more to consider than need when it comes to a teen having a cell. It is not a bad thing for a teen to have a cell just because it may be for a reason in addition to, or other than, pure need.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigeresse* 
But what if your child wants one? I think a lot of posters here are trying to point out that our kids desires are just as worthy of respect as are their "needs".









ITA. Just because something isn't life or death doesn't mean that it's not valuable or worthy of having or doing.


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## GalateaDunkel (Jul 22, 2005)

As a young girl I was physically assaulted on my way home from school on more than one occasion. I also experienced countless situations where I felt unsafe for one reason or another. Often because my activities required me to walk or wait for the bus in an area where there weren't a lot of people around or open businesses one could just walk into. Add to that the fact that for several years, starting when I was only ELEVEN, I was subject to a large volume of verbal harassment from men every time I went out. I was pretty street smart but the ability to whip out a phone, loudly say 'hi, Dad' and report my location would have been vastly reassuring in many situations.

Maybe a lot of MDCers live in more sheltered environments but the attitude that young people, especially young women, should just rely on the kindness of strangers for their communication and personal safety needs just blows my mind.
Like it's pure spoiled-adolescent self-indulgence to want an easy solution in such situations rather than nervously wander around looking for help, feeling more and more like a target with each passing minute.

I also don't understand the attitude that up to date means of communication is a luxury of which teens are unworthy.

I'm sure my child will have a phone as soon as she starts going places without supervision. I was in the third grade when I had my first difficulty with a male in a public place.

This is the same website where leaving a toddler in a car for one minute while returning a grocery cart is unthinkable? Weird.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Teensy* 
Slightly OT -

Man, some of you mamas are OLD! The first child car seats were invented in 1921!

Hehehe

I know they weren't required by law everywhere, but my mother had a car seat for me, and I was born in 1971.

:::sigh::: I am old. I was born in 1968, and my brother was born in 1970. I remember that he had a little box-type thingy on the floor for car rides. It wasn't secured to anything; it just sat on the floor.

My sister was born in 1980. She had a carsear but only rode in it when my mom was driuving somewhere with her alone, and she stopped rising in it when she was a toddler. After that, she mostly rode standing up in the middle of the car, leaning between the two front bucket seats.

I do think car seats are safer, just to be clear, but so do many other things...

dar


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GalateaDunkel* 
As a young girl I was physically assaulted on my way home from school on more than one occasion. I also experienced countless situations where I felt unsafe for one reason or another. Often because my activities required me to walk or wait for the bus in an area where there weren't a lot of people around or open businesses one could just walk into. Add to that the fact that for several years, starting when I was only ELEVEN, I was subject to a large volume of verbal harassment from men every time I went out. I was pretty street smart but the ability to whip out a phone, loudly say 'hi, Dad' and report my location would have been vastly reassuring in many situations.

Maybe a lot of MDCers live in more sheltered environments but the attitude that young people, especially young women, should just rely on the kindness of strangers for their communication and personal safety needs just blows my mind.
Like it's pure spoiled-adolescent self-indulgence to want an easy solution in such situations rather than nervously wander around looking for help, feeling more and more like a target with each passing minute.

I also don't understand the attitude that up to date means of communication is a luxury of which teens are unworthy.

I'm sure my child will have a phone as soon as she starts going places without supervision. I was in the third grade when I had my first difficulty with a male in a public place.

This is the same website where leaving a toddler in a car for one minute while returning a grocery cart is unthinkable? Weird.

Yeah to all of that. I had men bother me from a fairly young age and I _did not develop early at all._ It's not like I was some sex bomb just oozing it from every pore and they couldn't resist.







I was in my mid 20s when a male friend told me the way I walk is very wiggly and most men think I do it on purpose. It actually is a byproduct of being pigeon toed as a child, I kind of criss cross my feet when I walk, and that is what they teach models to do so they will have that bouncy wiggle on the runway.

Try as I might, I can't make it go away. It isn't a come-on, it's the way I walk, period. And even so, does that give a guy an excuse to pinch me, or grab my ass, or touch my hair? <shudder> People are just weird.

And yeah, a cell phone at 12 would have been a nice thing. You never know what someone might be thinking, or why.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

OMG You just made me remember something terrible that happened to me when I was 12. I ran away and hid in a strangers front door entry way for hours, I was so scared. My mother was looking for me everywhere but I was frozen there. I finally made it home, but my mother was frantic with worry, and I was a slobbing mess of tears. She had been driving around looking for me. That is a horrible memory.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
OMG You just made me remember something terrible that happened to me when I was 12. I ran away and hid in a strangers front door entry way for hours, I was so scared. My mother was looking for me everywhere but I was frozen there. I finally made it home, but my mother was frantic with worry, and I was a slobbing mess of tears. She had been driving around looking for me. That is a horrible memory.









I'm sorry. I had an experience where some guys tried to get me into a van while I was walking home from school. My mother was _mad_ at me when I told her.







:


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## GalateaDunkel (Jul 22, 2005)

I'm sorry you had that experience. I think that to a large extent women repress our knowledge/memory of how threatening the streets can feel to a young girl. Maybe we think we were imagining things. I also was not very forthcoming to my parents about the details of my experiences. My fears were often invalidated, for example I remember as a teen telling my dad with great passion about how the streets aren't safe for women, and he rolled his eyes and said 'the streets aren't safe for *anyone*.' Actually I think the streets are more dangerous for teen girls than for adult women. Of the several women I know who have suffered violent stranger rape, they were all teens when it happened. If other people are fine with their daughter 'looking for a pay phone' when they feel scared, that's their business, but not me. Even if the benefits are purely psychological.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dar* 
:::sigh::: I am old. I was born in 1968, and my brother was born in 1970. I remember that he had a little box-type thingy on the floor for car rides. It wasn't secured to anything; it just sat on the floor.

Yeah, I was born in 65 and my mom had a "car bed" for me that was a like a bassinet, but it didn't attach to anything in the car. It just sat on the back seat. We were in a wreck when I was 6 months old -- the back door came open (because this was before automatic locks) and the bed fell out of the car. I was fine, but I wouldn't never dream of putting my own child in that situation. My mom was doing the best she knew how, but now she would be charged with neglect.

As a small child I used to climb into the back window of the car and sleep. I know this is hard to picture if you are too young to remember what American cars were like before the first oil crises, back when gas cost 15 cents a gallon and cars were like huge land boats.

And yes, some of us are old!









I think it is normal to want what you see as best and safest for your kids, even if for whatever reason you didn't have it growing up. I don't understand the logic of saying that since I never had it, kids don't need it. That just isn't how I make parenting decisions.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GalateaDunkel* 
I'm sorry you had that experience. I think that to a large extent women repress our knowledge/memory of how threatening the streets can feel to a young girl. Maybe we think we were imagining things. I also was not very forthcoming to my parents about the details of my experiences. My fears were often invalidated, for example I remember as a teen telling my dad with great passion about how the streets aren't safe for women, and he rolled his eyes and said 'the streets aren't safe for *anyone*.' Actually I think the streets are more dangerous for teen girls than for adult women. Of the several women I know who have suffered violent stranger rape, they were all teens when it happened. If other people are fine with their daughter 'looking for a pay phone' when they feel scared, that's their business, but not me. Even if the benefits are purely psychological.


Thank you. I have not repressed it...I just don't think about it much these days. So I do get what you mean about some folks thinking a young teen might not 'need 'a cell-- we forget how vulnerable we may have felt in the past.

The whole time I was posting about how my kids need cells, I didn't recall that day. But when you and BE posted, it came back.

That could be why I am so admant that my children be able to reach me, no matter where they are. My mother could have saved herself a couple of hours of terrible worry, and I could have been comforted much sooner had I had a cell phone that day. A couple of hours missing, or hiding in fear with nowhere to turn, is no small thing.

Wow. Epiphany. Thanks.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dar* 
:::sigh::: I am old. I was born in 1968

Speak for yourself. I was born in '63 and I am anything but old.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 







I'm sorry. I had an experience where some guys tried to get me into a van while I was walking home from school. My mother was _mad_ at me when I told her.







:

((I'm sorry))). When my mother saw me, she looked at me, a crying mess, and said "What happend?!" I said 'Nothing", and I have no idea *why* I said that! She looked at me again, in tears, and said "Tell me". She made it so easy to just break down.

Could it be that your mother was so scared that her fear & pain came out as anger? You know, when you are between hysteria and madness? That can sometimes feel and look like anger.


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## dolphinkisser (Dec 26, 2003)

I still don't see the hype about cellphones. I have seen them be destructive to community and family relationships...like people getting a call on the cell when someone is visiting or at a restaurant and taking the call instead of talking to the person they are with.
I used to see cell phones as a necessity only because i drive often and i don't want to get stranded. I don't need a cell phone if i get stranded in the middle of a civilized place...i can take care of myself. I was worried to get stuck in the middle of nowhere...but no cell phone has ever helped me relieve that worry since most of the times., you don't get service driving in the middle of nowhere..either that or the service breaks up and you can't make out what anybody is saying before it goes blank.
I have no problem if teens have 10 cell phones...i just can't see them as a necessity....i guess unless you are using it instead of a landline.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
((I'm sorry))). When my mother saw me, she looked at me, a crying mess, and said "What happend?!" I said 'Nothing", and I have no idea *why* I said that! She looked at me again, in tears, and said "Tell me". She made it so easy to just break down.

Could it be that your mother was so scared that her fear & pain came out as anger? You know, when you are between hysteria and madness? That can sometimes feel and look like anger.

No, sadly my mom is a bit of a UAV.







:


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## hotmom (Jul 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Synthea™* 
Because bad stuff happens to good kids and a cell phone can mean the difference between life and death, not being raped, kidnapped, etc, etc. Cell phones, as horrible as they are for bees, are IMO, one of the best inventions ever.

That is exactly right.

My 6 yr old had one when she started first grade days after 9-11 happened. she went to school 45 minutes and 4 freeways from our house, near the west coast ports and the oil refineries . If anything in LA was to be attacked that would be it.
Even if my dd could only call me to say goodbye, it would be invaluable, no question.
At that time especially not everyone had a cell phone, including her elderly teacher. Who knows how that phone could have came in handy.
She has had one ever since. It gives ME peace of mind to always be in touch. As a single mother, it is a necessity. Life is too wild and crazy, with Myself and three children, I need to tell my daughter if I am going to be late b/c her sibling is ill, or if someone else is picking her up b/c my car broke down, or if she needs to walk. If I didnt have a cell phone, I could have never left her father! its my extra arm.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Teensy* 
Slightly OT -

Man, some of you mamas are OLD! The first child car seats were invented in 1921!

Hehehe

I know they weren't required by law everywhere, but my mother had a car seat for me, and I was born in 1971.

I wish I'd had one- I clearly remember standing in the back between the two front seats with my Grandmother driving and my Mother in the passenger seat and my Grandmother slamming on the breaks really hard and me flying between the two front seats and cracking my head on the dashboard. I was 26 months old.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
As a small child I used to climb into the back window of the car and sleep. I know this is hard to picture if you are too young to remember what American cars were like before the first oil crises, back when gas cost 15 cents a gallon and cars were like huge land boats.

I did, too. Wasn't it comfortable the way the sun kept you warm and the car kinda rocked you to sleep?


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GalateaDunkel* 
As a young girl I was physically assaulted on my way home from school on more than one occasion. I also experienced countless situations where I felt unsafe for one reason or another. Often because my activities required me to walk or wait for the bus in an area where there weren't a lot of people around or open businesses one could just walk into. Add to that the fact that for several years, starting when I was only ELEVEN, I was subject to a large volume of verbal harassment from men every time I went out. I was pretty street smart but the ability to whip out a phone, loudly say 'hi, Dad' and report my location would have been vastly reassuring in many situations.

Maybe a lot of MDCers live in more sheltered environments but the attitude that young people, especially young women, should just rely on the kindness of strangers for their communication and personal safety needs just blows my mind.
Like it's pure spoiled-adolescent self-indulgence to want an easy solution in such situations rather than nervously wander around looking for help, feeling more and more like a target with each passing minute.

I also don't understand the attitude that up to date means of communication is a luxury of which teens are unworthy.

I'm sure my child will have a phone as soon as she starts going places without supervision. I was in the third grade when I had my first difficulty with a male in a public place.

This is the same website where leaving a toddler in a car for one minute while returning a grocery cart is unthinkable? Weird.

I'm sorry that you've suffered like that as a child.









I fully admit I live in an area that is "sheltered" so to speak, and as a parent I will put in effort to keep my kids/teens sheltered and safe. It's my #1 job. If a cell phone will be helpful, we'll get one. I fully understand that parents in other situations and communities would want a cell.

I do believe in the goodness of other people, especially in my experiences in the community where we live. Also, I would have no hesitation helping any child, in any way.

Cell phones may be a helpful safety tool. I don't necessarily think they are the best or only means of providing safety for a child. As this community has a great diversity of people in various situations and with various experiences, to each family their own. I don't see this as a topic with a right or wrong answer to it.


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## Stinkerbell (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
Hey, I'm not judging anyone, so no more personal attacks against me, k? thanks.

I just think it's ironic that the "natural family living community" is so tied down by such a modern convenience.

A teen being "alone" for 2.5 hours at a concert is not a big deal...besides...the teen would probably know that the friend smokes pot and/or would be likely to go smoke a joint during the concert (I was certainly aware of which of my friends partook) and would probably be able to avoid the situation by saying "Hey, dude, not cool, just chill here for the concert" or by *gasp* not going to the concert with someone who does drugs! Amazing how that works...of course, it relies on the teen having good judgment, and the parent being aware of what's going on.

A teen being "alone" for 10 hours isn't a huge deal either - you say "let's meet at X location every hour to check in"...boom, you keep tabs on your kid, they can wander at will, and no need for a cell phone - just a watch.

And, most locations that have public gatherings - such as an outdoor amphitheater - have first aid tents (if you're feeling ill or break a bone) or a security office.

I will concede to the breaking down with a 5 month old...that would suck, and that is a situation where, without a phone, you would be entirely at the mercy of good Samaritans. However...I don't think your every day run-of-the-mill teen is going to have a 5 month old in their car.

I'd love to talk with you about what happened to me when I was a teen and was out with "friends" my parents trusted. Had I had a cell phone, my life would be very different right now.

Dont buy your kid a cell phone if you dont want to. But confrontational statements like the ones you have posted only serve to negate what other parents feel is an important, responsible thing to provide for their family.


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
Hey, I'm not judging anyone, so no more personal attacks against me, k? thanks.

I just think it's ironic that the "natural family living community" is so tied down by such a modern convenience.

A teen being "alone" for 2.5 hours at a concert is not a big deal...besides...the teen would probably know that the friend smokes pot and/or would be likely to go smoke a joint during the concert (I was certainly aware of which of my friends partook) and would probably be able to avoid the situation by saying "Hey, dude, not cool, just chill here for the concert" or by *gasp* not going to the concert with someone who does drugs! Amazing how that works...of course, it relies on the teen having good judgment, and the parent being aware of what's going on.

A teen being "alone" for 10 hours isn't a huge deal either - you say "let's meet at X location every hour to check in"...boom, you keep tabs on your kid, they can wander at will, and no need for a cell phone - just a watch.

And, most locations that have public gatherings - such as an outdoor amphitheater - have first aid tents (if you're feeling ill or break a bone) or a security office.

I will concede to the breaking down with a 5 month old...that would suck, and that is a situation where, without a phone, you would be entirely at the mercy of good Samaritans. However...I don't think your every day run-of-the-mill teen is going to have a 5 month old in their car.

Yup. Agreed.


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

My kids have cell phones for my peace of mind. I pay for basic service and texting. If they want more they have to pay for it. Do they need it? Nope. Do I? No, and if I couldn't afford it none of us would have a cell. But they're sure darned convenient, and that's why we all have one.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

My ds1 is 14 and has had a phone for a year. He took it to school with him today because he was taking his bike and going home with a friend to his house for the first time and wanted to be able to call me if he needed to. As it turned out the friend rode half way home with him, came off his bike and ripped half the skin off his forearm. Ds1 isn't squeamish but he said it looked fleshy and way deeper than a scrape.

Anyhow he used his phone to call the friend's mum to come and pick him up off the side of the road because he was in a state where he couldn't have got back on the bike and got home safely. Then he called me to tell me what had happened and that he might be home later than the time we had agreed because he was going to wait til the friend's mum came for him.

There probably would have been a way to sort this without a phone but the phone made it easier.

And FTR no my son isn't the type to make up a story so he can stay out later - even if he is a teenager.


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## <~*MamaRose*~> (Mar 4, 2007)

I've only read up to page 4&#8230;.I will finish reading once I post this.

I have a total love/ hate thing going on with the idea of my son having a cell. Because of this I have not purchased him one and he finally just purchased his own pay as you go.

Kids having cells can be unsafe too and honestly I'm surprised that nobody else has brought this up!

Kids have been jumped when out in the community and guess what their cells did to help them with that, crap because it was their CELL, PSP or whatever other electronic gadget that they were being jumped for! I've also spoken to my sons HS about their stance on cell phones and they DO NOT want kids bringing them to school period end of story. There are totally responsible kids with phones, I get that, BUT there are also too many kids abuse them. They also mentioned that schools have is a big problem with school bags being stolen and lockers that getting broken into for the loot that might be inside.

Anyhoo, I guess I have more of a problem with kids walking around with electronics period&#8230;.makes me worry even more.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

So which is it, damned if you do damned if you don't Sheesh.







: It's an individual choice for each family. There are families where the benefits of having a cell phone for the kids outweigh the risks, and there are families where the opposite is true. Obviously, there is no "right" answer to this. Bottom line, we can discuss this and pick it apart until our eyes turn blue, the at the end of the day we all walk away from our computers and do what we feel is right for our families. I am of the belief that yes, in some cases, kids do need cell phones. However, there are some people that live in areas and lead lifestyles that simply don't necessitate the use of cell phones. I think that the area in which you live, the activities in which your child participates in, and your particular comfort level and trust in your child is all going to play huge roles in this decision. I my own situation, my kids will have cell phones. I live in a suburb of a large city, where there is crime, and scary people walk at night. There are at least seven dangerous sex offenders living in close proximity to my living area, including one that is one mile from my daughter's school. So yes, when my daughters get older and want to "hang out" with friends and go to the mall, they will have a cell phones. It's well within my comfort level. I can't trust the world that I'm in to keep my kid safe, so I'll do everything in my power to do so. For me, that means cell phone. For you, it might not. Fine, let's agree to disagree.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelpie545* 
For me, that means cell phone. For you, it might not. Fine, let's agree to disagree.

I know.







Why is the no cell phone camp so admant about other kids not needing cell phones? If your kid doesn't she doesn't. Don't get her one.

This is a really long thread.


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## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
Convenience. We live in the city, both parents work, and we don't have a car. I give my kids more freedom than seems to be the norm on MDC. The cellphones allow us to keep in touch, change plans if we want, and I feel that they contribute to safety.

If my dd 13 needs to get a taxi to or from an activity, she can call a cab easily. Then, when the cab comes, she phones me from the cab, and gives me the medallion # and driver name. I feel that any driver knowing that he has already been indentified is highly unlikely to try anything inappropriate.

So far we haven't had any problems with gigantic bills or inappropriate cell phone use.

I have to agree with this. Same reasons we give our dd (13) a phone. I feel so much better knowing I can get a hold of her ANYTIME. I also have 2 toddlers so it makes my life that much easier I don't have to wait around for her to get done with something she does not when it ends. she just calls me and I come get her and the kids don't have to wait either. It saves me time and worry. She only ran up the bill once and we made her pay for it out of her allowance. She hasn't done that again.


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## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<~*MamaRose*~>* 
I've only read up to page 4&#8230;.I will finish reading once I post this.

I have a total love/ hate thing going on with the idea of my son having a cell. Because of this I have not purchased him one and he finally just purchased his own pay as you go.

Kids having cells can be unsafe too and honestly I'm surprised that nobody else has brought this up!

Kids have been jumped when out in the community and guess what their cells did to help them with that, crap because it was their CELL, PSP or whatever other electronic gadget that they were being jumped for! I've also spoken to my sons HS about their stance on cell phones and they DO NOT want kids bringing them to school period end of story. There are totally responsible kids with phones, I get that, BUT there are also too many kids abuse them. They also mentioned that schools have is a big problem with school bags being stolen and lockers that getting broken into for the loot that might be inside.

Anyhoo, I guess I have more of a problem with kids walking around with electronics period&#8230;.makes me worry even more.

I see your point but we live in an area where most of the kids have cell phones and know one has been robbed because ..well.. the novelty has just worn off.. kids don't steal cell phones around here so I am just not worried about that and if it did get stolen we got insurance on it, no big deal. The highschool does not care if they have them as long as they have them turned off during school hours (also there is a blocker in the school so they can't make phone calls anyway they have to go outside)


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## <~*MamaRose*~> (Mar 4, 2007)

I agree that most kids DO have them and the novelty should have worn off but yet it's still happening







!

Anyhoo, I just wanted to throw that one point in as food for thought but honestly after reading all of the posts I guess *my* cell *issue* isn't really what this thread is about







....I should have started my own thread about the dangers of kids walking around with expensive electronics not just cells.

Cheers!


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Buying kids expensive cells is a different issue. I really don't think I need to worry about someone stealing a $24.99 TracFone.

At the end of the day, for some parents/families, it is a luxury. For some it is a nice thing to have. For others it is a necessity. Why we need to judge the decisions of others regarding their family's needs (or lack of them) is beyond me.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Was it Sex and The City where a woman's Jimmy Choos were stolen? The robber told her to take off her shoes at gunpoint and she says "Oh but they are my favorites!"

What I am saying, and this thread is making me even more punchy, is that anything can be stolen. Maybe kids should wear uniforms to school (that old can of worms







) and white no -name tennis shoes (no Jimmy CHoos for you!) Then there would be nothing worth stealing, right?


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## <~*MamaRose*~> (Mar 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
Maybe kids should wear uniforms to school (that old can of worms







) and white no -name tennis shoes (no Jimmy CHoos for you!) Then there would be nothing worth stealing, right?

Ohhhh you are so right, absolutely uniforms and nondescript shoes would prevent everything BUT the uniforms would be ALL THE TIME not just at school.:nana:

Sorry my posts urked you. I was just posting my thoughts which I recognized didn't really fit into this thread but I had already posted so the damage was already done.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<~*MamaRose*~>* 
Sorry my posts urked you.

No need to apologize for something that never happened.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Perhaps this is slightly off-topic, but it is related.
My mom is an elementary school teacher (5th and 6th grade is what she is currently teaching).
The school district she works for has a rule that no electronics can be brought to school including i-pods, cellphones, MP3's, etc. (I honestly don't know what all the personal electronics are.)
The two reasons are:
1) They are a distraction in class.
2) They encourage theft.


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## KarenEMT (Aug 10, 2002)

My son needs a cell phone because he goes on long training rides on his bicycle and may be miles away from home with a mechanical he can't fix with his small tool bag. If this were not the case, he wouldn't have one.


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## jenangelcat (Apr 17, 2004)

Deleted by user.


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## momma of monkeys (Aug 10, 2006)

My ds is seven and got a cell phone for his bday (he will soon be 8)...I am trying to teach him the responsibility of it NOW so that when the time comes he will be used to having it. I got him a kid phone that has all sorts of restrictions and when he is old enough I can turn on the Chaperone feature (basically a GPS locater so I can monitor where he is).
I didn't have a cell phone until my mid twenties....they just weren't practical or affordable at the time....I did however have a pager....
I guess ds doesn't "need" a cell phone...but he has one just the same.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenangelcat* 
Studies show that they actually make them less safe because parents are given a false sense of security with them. A cell isn't going to stop your kid from getting raped and/or murdered. That phone will be meaningless in that type of situation. It likely won't even make it to the getaway car.

I think it's definitely a personal choice for what works for your family but nobody should believe that a cell is going to protect their child because it's not.

I agree with this.

I am not against kids having phones and can definitely see where they come in handy especially if you live in a large city and your child has a lot of freedom or you are a single parent or you SO travels a lot.
However, I don't think they make kids safer and do feel they can give parents that false security.
I think back to things that happened to me as a teenager (raped at 14) and I know even if I had a phone, it wouldn't have done any good.

Keri


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