# My children refuse to help me clean up



## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)

It is REALLY REALLY REALLY pissing me off. I get so angry about it and I hate that. My kids are 2 and 4. They have free range of the house, no area's are blocked off and as it is right now, the toys can go anywhere. Their toyroom is small so it's hard to play in there the way that they play.

I have tried time outs. It doesn't work.
I have tried locking the door of their toyroom so they have no toys. They don't care, they will sit for hours without any toys or tv and STILL refuse to help me clean up.
I have tried fun clean up games and songs. Doesn't work.
I have tried chore charts. Everytime they help me clean they get a sticker and when they get 10 stickers, they can pick out a special treat. Doesn't work.
I am really at my witts end.









Right now as I sit here, the floor is COVERED in toys. I can't walk a straight line, and I would really doubt I could even walk through the living room without tripping. The kitchen has toys on the floor, the toy room looks like a tornado blew through it.

I have been trying ALL morning to get my kids to HELP me clean up. I sit on the floor and try to get them to race me, see who can clean up the fastest, and they refuse. I am sick of wasting my whole evening cleaning up their mass destruction.

I just don't know what else to do.







:


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## LilyGrace (Jun 10, 2007)

You might not like my answer.......









When we had this issue I took a hard look at what I was expecting, and found it too confusing. Things had to be very, very, VERY organised for my youngest to be happy, and for my oldest to catch on. I went out and got some cheap cabinets and bookcases, a lot of trays from the Dollar Tree, and baskets, boxes, and my camera.

First thing was to take pictures of every single toy in the room. The pictures and words were hung beneath, behind, or under where the toy was to go.

Next, the toys were put in the boxes, baskets, and on the trays in 'play mode' - meaning board games were ready to start playing with, no cardboard boxes, no hard containers to open.....it was all ready to go.

Last, anything that was broken, unused, or there was just too much of was put away. The room needed to be orderly and there needed to be space to play. Freecycle became our friend.

And then, out came the timers and chore jars, and constant supervision. At first, put one away before another is taken out. And then, we had to work it into our routine - 3 minor "ten second tidies" a day, one major clean in the afternoon with pulling out different jobs from the jar and working that way. "Oh, you got........put the blocks away! How long do you think that will take?" combined with silly ones "Oh, you got.....hop up and down ten times! Ready, GO!" took the pressure off. Since I was in the room mostly when they were playing, the mess never got too big to handle, and I could see when they were getting tired. Sometimes we did it "Yogi Bear style", cutting the room into squares and everyone cleaning one small 3ft square.

Chore charts work now with the kids being older, because they're able to grasp the idea better and the longer list. We don't do rewards, though. Having mommy not break her leg trying to kiss someone goodnight is reward enough.









It's a long road, and it's hard with little ones because they don't have the attention span for such a long job and it can feel very overwhelming. Breaking it into small bites (like, clean for a minute and do something else for 10) or being very vigilant about the toys tends to work better.


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## EvansMomma (Mar 7, 2006)

Is there any way that you CAN give them a space that's theirs to play in and mess at will? That way your whole home is not turned into one big playroom. I have a small apartment. Evan gets the living room. He can make a HUGE mess all day long if he wants, and at the end of the day it's only ONE room that I have to tidy. Better than the whole apartment. At 2, I don't expect Evan to know how to clean the whole room up himself - I ask him, and sometimes he puts his toys in the bins but mostly he puts them in the bins then dumps them all out again. I guess that's his idea of a good time...lol

I don't like chaos and mess all over my home - so I found I was a lot more relaxed about it once I gave him ONE room as a playroom. If he wants to bring something into our room to play with, that's okay but only one thing and it gets brought back out again by him when we're done in our room.


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## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

I think fewer toys, and very clear understanding of where each toy belongs, is the answer.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Once when I was trying to get ds to help me clean up, I had asked him to put away a certain toy.
He didn't, and was in the other room (so I could tell he had no intention of doing it). I did it myself (put it where it belonged) and said "I asked you to pick it up, and you didn't. So I did it." He was SOOOOO upset!! HE wanted to do it. I'm not sure of what impact it made, but I'm sure if it happened often enough, it would make an impact.

Also, another time I was all frustrated with ds because he wouldn't help clean up. I was getting kinda harsh, and yelled "All I want to do is vaccuum, blah blah blah." He responds "Oh! NOW I see what you want," and he picked up the toys. (I felt really crappy that my 3yo acted more mature than I did!)
Once he understood that there was a reason I wanted it picked up, he was quite willing to help.


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## violet (Nov 19, 2001)

I learned more about teaching new skills from my DD's preschool teacher in 3 miutes than all the books on parenting I've ever read. Cleaning is a skill. It is learned. Slowly, over time. So "time to clean up" means not very much at and 4. My DD's preschool teacher gave 3 minutes of instruction on how the class would line up, wash hands in the soapy bin, rinse in the clear water bin, dry with the towel, then go inside for the treat. It was a routine different from the usual because it was party day, and I kid you not, she spent 3 minutes on instruction. That is a LOnnnnnnnng time! She discussed waiting for the first person to finish with the soapy bin, what would happen if we shook our hands off and soap went everywhere on other people, why we all have to dry our hands, how best to pull up your sleeves first. It was hilarious. And that was all before she let any of them touch the water. It sounds mind numbing, but the kids were totally into it - interactive, questions ,the whole bit.

My rather belabored point is, at 2 and 4, they are IMO way too young to get the concept of what is required to go from messy room to clean room. With my kids, at 3, they are _starting_ to recognize when one object is out of place or does not match. So instead of asking them to clean up, we focus on "Take this block and put it in this box here, up against the side so it is coxy and touching the edge of the box. Good, now there's room for one more block next to it. Here, take this block and put it next to the first one. Nice and snuggly." I literally hand them the object and direct it to the next location. Meanwhile I am cleaning up 27 other things to their 2 objects. The point is not for them to do the cleaning-- the point is for them to learn the process so that at some future date (6, 7, 12???) they will actually be able to do it.

and we have reduced the number of toys available at any given time. They do better with 'no toys in the living room' because it is concrete rather than, 'get these things put away'.

the previous post about bins and organization and all that is spot on IMO, and great to start even at age 2 and 4. But I would not be expecting such young ones to be putting away more than about 5% of any big mess. That's how it works out for us away.


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## lovemyfamily6 (Dec 27, 2006)

This is an issue I've really worked hard on the last year or so. Things are much better now, although still not perfect.

First, when I had a moment like you did, where you can't walk anywhere without tripping, I realized that my boys had TOO MANY TOYS! It occurred to me that if it was so overwhelming for me, it must be incredibly overwhelming for them. I spent a few hours one day and collected every single toy we own. I tossed things that were broken. I put things they never played with in a Goodwill box. I've tried many types of organization systems. What is working now is one of those things from Target that has a wooden frame and many colored bins. It comes with 4 large and 8 small bins. Some bins have very few items in them, but it is all very organized. The other toys are organized in small white Sterilite bins and stored in the basement. Every so often I rotate new ones in. I don't do it according to a calendar, but instead when I notice a toy not being played with too much or dumped and left, I'll rotate a new one in.

I've come to the conclusion that things being so organized is my thing, not theirs. So now when it's clean up time, I'll tell them to bring toys to the playroom and I'll put them in their bins. Most of the time they do. And I don't mind sitting in one place organizing the toys. It really has a feel of teamwork because we're all getting it done together. Sometimes just because (and if I happen to be feeling very energetic), I'll tell them that I'll take care of all of it tonight.

We've also started doing several clean ups a day on many days. Sometimes before lunch, before dinner and before bed.

Also, I've really tried hard to work on my attitude. I read many posts here from Pat (WuWei) and she discussed considering it a gift for her child, to give him a clean canvas to play. This shift in thinking has really helped me. I still have nights where I'm just frustrated and want them to help out a little bit, but those nights are infrequent now.

I've also stopped ordering them to do it. It was just a power struggle and I got more and more mad. Now I cheerfully say "Let's clean up. You guys bring toys to the playroom and I'll put them in their bins." If they don't start picking up, I start doing it and say "Whoops! I don't have any toys to put in bins." Generally they start in at that point. If not, I continue and try to remember that I'm modeling helping out and kindness.

I really feel your pain. It has been a *major* issue and source of frustration for me.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

It sounds to me like they have too many toys. You need to pack up about 75% of the toys and put them someplace out of reach, and they can play with the other 25% of their toys. They need to have fewer toys available so that cleanup time isn't so difficult for them.


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## lovemyfamily6 (Dec 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *violet* 
They do better with 'no toys in the living room' because it is concrete rather than, 'get these things put away'.

I agree with this. We've only recently started a "no toys in the kitchen" rule. I slipped on a car or other toy one time too many. Now it is a non-negotiable rule. They can drive through the kitchen on their way to another room, but may not leave a toy in the kitchen. I started getting irritated at first and would end up yelling "I said no toys in the kitchen!" Now I generally swoop up the toy and take it to the playroom and just say "oops, let's keep toys out of the kitchen." Since I've been doing that, they're better about remembering or helping if there are multiple things in there.

Aren't preschool teachers great? I love the few times I've gotten to see part of their day. I think I need to observe a couple classes to see how they do it!


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## Blue Dragonfly (Jun 19, 2005)

I've found that I have to give really explicit instructions to get my three year old to clean up. I have to say "put the brown teddy bear in the basket." It takes forever (and does work), but if I just say "clean up your toys" he gets overwhelmed.


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## MelKnee (Dec 5, 2001)

At that age, my ds (now 6yo) needed specific directions. I stood there and said, "Put the blocks in the bin. Now, put the bin on the shelf. Clothes go in the hamper. Now, put the books on the shelf. Trains tracks in the box.", etc. The "race me" thing _never_ worked with my ds. I just ended up picking everything up. I think because he didn't know or couldn't visualize where to put things.


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## lovemyfamily6 (Dec 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
It sounds to me like they have too many toys. You need to pack up about 75% of the toys and put them someplace out of reach, and they can play with the other 25% of their toys. They need to have fewer toys available so that cleanup time isn't so difficult for them.

Yep. My kids still have a lot of toys, but with rotating them, I can have the entire place cleaned up (with every toy out of every bin) in 15 minutes if I have to do it myself.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

My dd, at 25 months, will only pick up blocks and put them away. I don't ask her to help I just start tossing the blocks into their container and she joins in. She also joins me in sweeping and putting dishes away. I have to pick up all her other toys though. I noticed that if she has separate play areas, she is less messy. I've turned the small bedside tables into play areas, using the drawer, shelf and top of each one as an area for her toys. Her farm and farm animals are on a two shelf unit, so she can play with them right there, for example. So when I pick up, most of her toys are already where they belong or close to it. The living room still gets messy, probably because the balls, blocks and play food are in there, but one messy room isn't too bad. I usually pick up 2 or 3 times a day for a few minutes. Where the toys are and how they are arranged makes a big difference in how messy things get. When I had all her toys in the living room, they ended up all over the place. Now that I've moved over half of them in the bedroom and put everything into play areas it's so much easier to pick up.
If you need a break from toys, making a tent out of sheets, chairs and big boxes can keep your LOs busy for hours, and the rest of the apt or house tidy.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

I keep baskets in the living room and upstairs in their bedrooms to catch strewn-about toys that make their way out of the playroom. Their playroom is pretty big, but they have LOTS of toys, and I don't restrict them to keeping everything in one room because that would be impossible. My 2 year old has a natural inclination to be tidy and happily helps with chores. However I do not think it just comes from nowhere. I clean and pick up the house every day and he sees that and models what he sees. I also think that keeping things picked up helps them learn what "clean" is supposed to look like. Your kids will eventually start getting the idea too, but in the meantime try to organize everything as best you can, and make it a point to have your children watch you clean up. Children really do have a natural desire to do what their parents do (really! said 2 year old routinely watches me do my hair and put on makeup, and HE will grab my makeup brushes and imitate me! ) But they have to see it happening every day, kwim? I really like the basket idea. Put one in every room so you have somewhere for the toys to go at the end of the day. Don't worry, they'll catch on soon


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## Leilalu (May 29, 2004)

If my kids refuse cleanup, the toy in question(usually pieces of one toy in a bin) goes in the garage.
If that doesn't motivate, we stay in the room in question until it is done. I get the vacuum out, which they hate. Sometimes that works because I give a time limit.

Sometimes nothing works, except me starting in, then talking to them in detail abut why it is not nice to make mommy and daddy do it all, and then waiting for them to help. giving lots of invitation.Sometimes it takes them a bit to get warmed up to the idea of cleaning, even though we do it day in and day out. I find if I initiate, or give them a specific task, they do better. I know i get confused when I look at clutter.

Keep it simple. Everything needs to live somewhere. This can change, but remember young children need organizational boundaries. If the hello kitty puzzle goes in the tin with the fairy on it, then dd knows exactly what to do, for example. Or if the legos belong in the big IKEA bin, or the dolls go in the bottom drawer, etc etc.


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## leafylady (Nov 19, 2001)

ditto to what everyone has said about explicit directions. They need to be told exactly what to do, step by step. It's painful for the adult and doesn't save any cleaning time, but if you want them to clean up, that's the way it has to go. Sometimes it's easier to do the clean-up yourself after they go to bed.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Get all except for one small box of toys out of the house.....then repeat ad nauseum, "You may have more toys as soon as you pick these up." Worst case senario is that they never pick them up....but you only have a few toys strewn about to walk over and around rather than a multitude of toys.


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## yoginisarah (Dec 20, 2007)

I would get rid of a bunch of toys. Not as a punishment, just as a way of making everyone's lives easier and more simple. Have the kids help you pick which toys to give away. We only have one son and he's too young to really understand picking up toys. But he takes all of his toys out everyday and it takes my husband and I less than 10 minutes to clean up at the end of the day.


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## Sioko (Feb 3, 2007)

We don't have the trick down pat, and yes our kids HATE cleaning up, but we've found a few easy ways to make things a bit easier on the kids. I have been teaching the girls to clean up at the end of the day since my first was 2. Now I RARELY clean their room, except once every few months to refine their organizational skills. They are 5 and 3. They are learning teamwork and the 3yr old is learning to "help out" by being given a certain task that only she is responsible for. Like, for example, she is responsible to clean up the toy dishes and that's it. The 5yr old doesn't have to worry about picking those up and she can clean up everything else. As the 3yr old gets older and/or better at her job, she will be given more responsibility to match her ability.

*1. bins are AWESOME.*
*2. Several warnings are great before clean up begins.* "You guys have 15 more minutes to play, so have fun!"
*3. LIMIT/ROTATE their toys.* We keep half their toys in the closet (i.e. the ones with many many small peices) and "trade them out" as they are asked for, (i.e. the blocks go in the closet so the puzzles can come out.)
*4. Failure to clean up or taking longer than an hour results in fewer toys tomorrow.* If for some reason there has to be alot of drama, or 3-4hrs needed to clean up, more of their toys go in the closet.

It doesn't make the whole nightly process "easy" but it's definately easier than it was before I started using these tricks!!!

p.s. It's true that kids <5 do need more specific, step by step, did I say SPECIFIC instruction in order to learn how to clean up and where to put everything. Concistency is good, and will become a habit eventually, though maybe not a self-initiating habit. (^_~)


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

I think that's pretty normal, really. I got rid of a bunch of toys (wanted to get rid of all the MIC crap anyway) and now all the toys they own spread all over the floor can be completely organized in about 20 minutes. Mine are 3.5 and 16 months. I can get my older one to help a little sometimes. I believe in modeling the behavior I hope to create, so I clean up. My husband says, "What's the point? They're just going to spread it all over the floor again tomorrow." But they see that it's nice and clean, and eventually they will realize they prefer their lives clean/organized (hopefully) and they'll know how to do it from watching me. And, hopefully, cleaning will not be a hideous chore like it is for most of us, because they will not have been forced to do it when they'd rather be doing something else.


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

I should add-my husband's parents are living with us right now, and somehow I've ended up cleaning up after THEM even though part of the reason I agreed to have them move in was help around the house and with the kids (which I'm not getting, really). Talk about pissed! I expect my kids to leave messes for me, but these are grown ups! Just venting


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## Leilalu (May 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SublimeBirthGirl* 
My husband says, "What's the point? They're just going to spread it all over the floor again tomorrow."

This seems to be a common idea held by many adults.







But developmentally, toddlers(especially at ages 4 and up) THRIVE on organization. So just picking up that small mess quickly may help your child play better all day long.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Can you let it go until they are older? When I'm getting really really pissed about something my 3 year old is doing, it's usually more about me than her. My 7 year old picks things up when she's not too overwhelmed. My 3 year old picks up when we start it up, but would resist being bugged about it.

For me, the place to start would be my own feelings of anger at not being helped. Then look for areas in my life where I feel like I need more help.

At that age, I really found the rhythm suggestions in "You are your child's first teacher" helpful.


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## eunytuny (Jan 19, 2007)

I would pack them all up except for their three favorite and re-introduce them by swapping them out. They might not even miss them but if they ask for a particular toy by name, I'd get it out IMHO.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *violet* 
My rather belabored point is, at 2 and 4, they are IMO way too young to get the concept of what is required to go from messy room to clean room. With my kids, at 3, they are _starting_ to recognize when one object is out of place or does not match. So instead of asking them to clean up, we focus on "Take this block and put it in this box here, up against the side so it is coxy and touching the edge of the box. Good, now there's room for one more block next to it. Here, take this block and put it next to the first one. Nice and snuggly." I literally hand them the object and direct it to the next location. Meanwhile I am cleaning up 27 other things to their 2 objects. The point is not for them to do the cleaning-- the point is for them to learn the process so that at some future date (6, 7, 12???) they will actually be able to do it.

and we have reduced the number of toys available at any given time. They do better with 'no toys in the living room' because it is concrete rather than, 'get these things put away'.

the previous post about bins and organization and all that is spot on IMO, and great to start even at age 2 and 4. But I would not be expecting such young ones to be putting away more than about 5% of any big mess. That's how it works out for us away.

I totally agree with this, particularly the teaching part. At my son's Montessori he is learning to tidy things away, etc., but it is really explicitly taught and in very very small, understandable steps.

I really think both those ages (2 and 4) need an adult mentor working beside them in order to achieve any progress in cleaning up.


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## PookieMom (Jan 16, 2007)

when I first read this post I was really interested because I'm having alot of the same problems with my 2 1/2 dd and I love the responses. They are wonderful and I plan on using everyone's suggestions







but I have to post what happened today at MIL's house. I was shocked and amazed.

My MIL has little hand puppets that dd plays with. A tiger and a panda bear. My dd was playing with them and the floor was covered with books and other toys. I asked her to help me pick up. No response. Asked again. Nothing. I have no idea what made me do it but I crawled over to her, looked at her hand and said, "excuse me Mr. Tiger, would you please bring me all the books" and in a flash the "Tiger" was running all over the room, growling and bringing me books! It was amazing! I was in total shock. After all the books were picked up I said, "Gee Mr. Tiger, you look tired." and I handed her panda to her and said, "Mr. Panda, could you please bring me the blocks?" and like magic the "panda" brought me all the blocks. This continued till the room was clean. I'm still in shock.

I just had to share. It was amazing. What a great start to a New Year


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## dove (Jun 13, 2005)

ds is just about 3.

first, i feel it's my job to keep the toys in an organized fashion to start out with - have baskets and bins of "like" items. this makes for a good start and helps kids to understand that their cherished items have a place in the house.
we also keep it simple - pare down the amount that can be "dragged out" and rotate toys.

ds is really getting into sight reading words, so for us something that helped recently was to label all bins with a bright tag and plain easy to read print.

i play with ds a lot and i do remind him to help clean up one thing before moving onto the next. not always, but often. this seems to really be helping. he seems to like to be organized now that we are trying harder to keep it that way.

sometimes i sing songs - not just "clean up, clean up" but little silly operettas - lol... "plllllllllleeeeeeeeeeease won't you put this red block in the wicker bin with all of the other blocks...it is so lonely without its' pack..." lalala, silly and dramatic at the same time. lightens the mood all around.

i do try to respect that sometimes he just wants something out for what have you reason. but i do let him know if i need it up for a reason...gotta vac cause friends are coming...

and last - we do puppetry, also! it is really fun and ds loves "talking" to and responding to his "friends" that magically come alive...and help him with his daily work, which includes putting away!

i have applied the same logic to other things - his clothing in drawers (getting out and putting away), throwing trash in the trash, bringing bowls and utensi to the sink, putting away the clean dishes (he can do tupperware and small items in low drawers), putting wash in the washer, taking small stacks of clean clothing to his room...etc. and it's coming along!

(it does take a lot of patience, humour, and repetition, though!)


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

If you want the toys picked up, model being happy about toys being picked up. When we deride the picking up as 'not fun', we model that it is not fun to clean up. Ds happily *helps* to clean up. However, when *I* want things picked up, I pick them up.

Here is an old post of mine about cleaning as a gift, not a chore. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...as#post9774260

Pat


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## prettypixels (Apr 13, 2006)

I definitely think 2 and 4 is a bit young to be expected to really understand a general "clean up" admonition. I would try being very, very specific and trying to make a game of it. "Let's see how many blocks we can put on the shelf by the time I count to ten!" And then you do it with them, excitedly, happily. "Whoop whoop! Time for a room rescue! Let's put books on the bookshelf while we sing a song!" Something like that.

(Room Rescue is a flylady.net thing, for the record!)

Anyways







:, I know it can be hard trying to stay POSITIVE with parenting. I'm getting into a bit of a "no, no!" rut myself lately! I need to work on it.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wednesday* 
I think fewer toys, and very clear understanding of where each toy belongs, is the answer.

I was going to suggest a toy purge and the photo and organization also. We cleared out 3 bags of toys yesterday that went to Goodwill and I know we won't miss any of them in the least.

My oldest is 3 and I need to work with him on picking up too. I have taken photos to start labeling some bins, and I want to re-think some of our organization or get more shelving so things more clearly have their spaces to go.

Good luck! I'm sure this is one of those things that takes a lot of time, practice and patience.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My opinion is to just clean and not get it turned into a big power struggle, because they're young enough it probably isn't yet but it sure could become one soon.

I just clean and my daughter can help me or not as she wants. But she almost always helps me. I don't force her or get upset if she doesn't. But we have an organizational system that makes it pretty easy to put stuff away. The easier it is to clean up, the more they'll do it. Also, when telling young kids (and by that I mean the older one - I think 2 is too young to expect anything other than playing along while you're cleaning) is to say something *very* specific. "Please put these blocks into this bin." And when that task is done, "These doll clothes need to go into this bin." Etc.

If you just do it naturally and don't make a big deal of it, and seeing you regularly clean becomes part of the natural rhythm of your home, I think they'll naturally move into that rhythm and clean along. But IMO when I've seen people set up huge power struggles with their kids over cleaning, the kids' stuff never really gets cleaned up. It's one of those few things kids really have a great deal of control over and they know it, so if they feel a need to exert control, that's one of the places they'll do it.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Smaller containers to group toys, so that that a big bin isn't spilled out for a few things on the bottom.

Pictures on the bin of what goes in that bin.

One or two bins out at a time, then they go back.

Categories for bins can be things like, "Imaginative Play" for doctors, construction, etc (I find that these toys get played with together, so I keep them together), "Housekeeping", "Construction Set(s)".

I have medium size bins for puzzles. I group a puzzle in a zippered bag (I keep bags from clothing, sheet sets and robeez for stuff like this). Throwing stuff into a zippered bag seems easier for them than into a box. Plus it is see through! No labelling required. (I like see through storage!)

Children's luggage is good for storing small grouped toys like, legos, duplo, construction sets, barbies and clothing/action dolls, or dress up. One piece of luggage out at a time. Then cleaned up before anything new comes out. They slip under a bed very nicely, or line up in a closet.

We have a tickle trunk for dress up stuff.

If something isn't important enough to clean up, it gets thrown away. If it is an "expensive" toy that YOU don't want to throw away, then it goes "away" for a week or two.

When fewer toys come out at once, and are easy to understand to go back into their home they go away more often. I have to direct my 3.5 year old quite a bit.

With DD1, I had to go whole hog with the toys. We purged purged purged after she refused to help. I came up with the toy system, but I bagged up most of the toys and put them out into the garage for a week first. Then I only brought back some. (don't feel too bad, my children are FAR from hurting for junk to play with).


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## ~Nikki~ (Aug 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovemyfamily6* 
First, when I had a moment like you did, where you can't walk anywhere without tripping, I realized that my boys had TOO MANY TOYS! It occurred to me that if it was so overwhelming for me, it must be incredibly overwhelming for them.

Yes, this! We had far too many toys at one point. My two are also 2 and 4 years old. The kids' toys are kept in very well labled, organized bins and shelves in their room. So organization certainly wasn't the issue for us. The issue for us was that they had too MUCH in each bin. DS had collected so many toy cars in his 2 years of life (and admittedly, most of those were DH's old toys from his childhood, haha). When he plays, he does the simplest thing for him to find the car of his choice - he dumps the bin. And then DD dumps a bin to find HER favorite toy of a certain type. And, pretty quickly, the bedroom floor is a sea of toys. They come running out into the living room with piles of stuff. And when I tell them to keep the toys of the room, I get the typical response:

"But moooommmmmyyyyy, the bedroom is too messssyyyyyy."

I ended up having them choose their favorites out of each type. DS got to keep 10 or so cars. DD agreed to get rid of a few Little People sets and all of the duplicated people. We got rid of all of the toys they had outgrown. We went through each bin, and minimized them so that it wasn't such an overwhelming thing for them.

Now, I have a fairly strict One-bin-at-a-time rule. If they really want to take a car out so that the dolls can drive a car, that's totally fine. But if they're playing with a set of toys, I know that they get overwhelmed if they dump the legos and the cars at the same time. This could change over time, but for now, it works for us.









As for cleaning, I do go in and help them, to show them how fast it goes when we all work together. But it wasn't until I minimized the toys that they really got interested in cleaning on their own. In fact, a week ago, the kids wouldn't allow me into their bedroom for nearly an hour, so that they could clean and make their beds and "surprise" me with how well they did.







I thought it was cute.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Haven't read all the replies - sorry if I'm repeating.

I will say to DS that it's time to clean up and then I do most of it while I say to him 'Can you put your truck in the toy box'. 'Can you help me put the blocks in the bag? Can you see any more blcoks?!'

For me, so long as he's helping I'm OK with it. I figure he'll do more as he gets older.

Also, I agree with PP who said they would take away some toys. I agree. I recently did this with DS. I found that he just had too much stuff and would pull something out, play with it for two minutes (literally!) toss it on the floor and move on to something else. Now that there are less toys (and they're more open ended) I find that he spends much more time playing with each thing, and clean up is alot quicker and easier.

Also, maybe try cleaning a couple times a day, so say before lunch you all run around and pick up the toys then again before bed. Hopefully that way it won't be so daunting a task.


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## allborntogrow (Dec 31, 2007)

My 4.5 year old likes to use all of his toys together for creative play so I've never been one of the "put one toy away before getting out the other one" rule.

My methods for keeping the house (somewhat) organized:
I've seen a lot of mentions of this but it really is a great idea - give away or put a lot of toys away. Think about what your child really plays with. If you're not sure about a certain toy put it in the closet and see if your kids mention it for a few weeks.

Let the babes do what they will throughout the day, and at the end of the night have a family clean-up. My son is far more efficient when we are all working together. If he doesn't help he doesn't get some evening fun thing like dessert or a long story.

Also, I've found it really helps if there are specific baskets or bins for everything. It makes it a lot easier for a little kid to remember where things go!








J.R.


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## abeliamama (Feb 5, 2007)

I haven't read all of the posts but what do those with older children do? My kids (4,7) spend hours coming up with great imaginative games but the house is a wreck after! The bin of toys idea does not work here because they use parts from different toys for uses of their own making. I love their creativity but hate the reorganizing...often they dump all of the bins and play with the bins, LOL! Any ideas that work with school age kids that won't clean up? I will purge toys today. I just can't let them see me. They may get rid of a few things if I ask, but we need major clean out. I would never get rid of anything they love or play with regularly, but somethings gotta give. The new year always makes me want to purge the house. Does it you?


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## LilyGrace (Jun 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abeliamama* 
I haven't read all of the posts but what do those with older children do?


We set limits and standard clean up times. At 7am and 7pm, everyone is cleaning. The at-home adult is tidying the kitchen, laundry, etc., child cleaning the bedroom. If the 7am tidy is not done, the answer becomes "Of course you may do X, AFTER you finish your chores." when school is over and the kids want to play again.

It does help, though, when there aren't too many toys. So a purge first, then a reorganization, (with the pictures and words, because they still help at 7 and 4) might be your best bet.


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

Sounds like it might be time to get rid of a lot of toys. If they have less its less to clean up.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

:


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

I don't require my kids to clean up. And at 6 and 2.5, they are becoming more and more helpful and willing. This: http://sandradodd.com/chores really changed the way I thought about this issue. And it's *really* changed the dynamic in my house.

My kids love to vacuum, they make our family bed, they wash dishes (in a bin on the floor in the kitchen), they feed the animals, and pitch in on cleaning up toys and whatnot.

In the OP's situation, I'd first look at how it's happening that the kids are making such a big mess in the first place. If it seems like the play in our house is creating a "trail of tears"







I'll just kind of go along behind them and clean as they go. That's a LOT easier than being tired at the end of the day and having to recreate the house.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

If at all possible, I would find someplace for your kids to go visit for an extended playdate. Eight hours, if possible. And I would would throw myself into sorting, purging, and organizing for a day, by my blessed self. I would play music, or watch movies while I sorted, straightened, and organized without interuption. I would also get myself some chinese take-out for lunch as a treat.









I would try to think like a 2-year old, and make everything as simple and clear as possible. Everything needs a place that is easy and convenient. And the number of options needs to fit your available space. So if you have room for only 10 well organized toys - then reduce your toy load to that number. If you have storage, you can plan to rotate toys.

Then after a quick drop-off at Goodwill, I pick up my children and would usher them into their home at the end of the day, and enthusiastically give them a grand tour of their newly organized belongings --- doing my best to make it seem wonderful. Then I would tell them that we need to keep everything nice, and we're going to have some new rules -- and I would ask the 4 yo. to think of some rules that might help, and then I would tweak his rules to suit my interests as well.

And then I would be very vigilant for the first few weeks, until putting one thing away before taking out another becomes an ingrained habit.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

mamaduck said:


> If at all possible, I would find someplace for your kids to go visit for an extended playdate. Eight hours, if possible. And I would would throw myself into sorting, purging, and organizing for a day, by my blessed self. I would play music, or watch movies while I sorted, straightened, and organized without interuption. I would also get myself some chinese take-out for lunch as a treat.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I wouldn't expect a 2yo to help clean up except to dictate exactly what needs to be put where one item at a time. Even my 7yo needs me to sit and knit in the corner while she cleans her room. The 3yo I still need to tell her where to put what. We have a rule that toys are generally not allowed out of their rooms. THey can hold one and walk around with it but if it's set down and left there I remind them that if they don't put it back I get to take it for awhile.


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