# Help my dd wants to Gauge her ear



## johub

Well my dd has gotten it into her head to get an ear guaged.
On principle I am against letting her have any body alteration that is permanent.
Her ears are pierced. But holes are small and earrings can come out.
Anyway she knows that I will never consent to stretchign out her earlobes like some of her friends, but she is trying to "reason" with me by telling me she only wants to guage it to "10" which isn't very big at all, just big enough for a dumbell or something like that.
I really have no way of knowing or understanding how much a "10" is really going to stretch her earlobe out. If she takes the dumbell thingy out, is that too big to heal up itself?
She tells me that it isn't big enough to "see through".
Anyway, does anybody know where I can get the information I need about this?
What would you do?
Joline


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## odenata

Here's a link with some info and also a gauge chart showing the different sizes:
http://jewelry.about.com/od/bodyjewe...ging_lobes.htm

The smaller the number, the larger the hole.


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## Jane

If you feel that strongly about it~I see two paths.
Let her know that privledges come with age and that's one thing she'll have to wait for.
If you think it's a fad she'll outgrow, letting her do it now will let it be under your control somewhat.


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## johub

Actually my bigger fear is that it is a fad she will outgrow, but the damage might be permanent!
I am happy to let her dye her hair and wear really wierd makeup.
Ok so Happy is not really the right word. I HATE lots of it, but I stand off on the principle. But I have to answer to her later. I would hate to have a daughter who at 30 says. "Mom why in the world did you let me do this to myself!!"
Thanks so much for the link. It doesnt look like 10 is really so bad, and the article does indicate that the holes will shrink down later if done correctly and not damaged.
This has given me much to think about.
Joline


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## BinahYeteirah

10 isn't so big. I had some piercings done that were pierced using a 10-gauge needle (so the extra skin was actually taken out, rather than the hole being stretched, as happens with gauging up). I have since taken these piercings out after wearing them for several years, and the hole has healed closed. These piercings were on a different part of my body, so earlobes may heal differently, but it is likely the hole would shrink significantly should your daughter later want to gauge down.

Still, I totally understand you concern. I am glad I never stretched my earlobes to 000 gauge or something like that. It wouldn't look so good on me today.


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## milk_maker

If she really wants to do it and you agree, have her do it slowly. I gauged my ear out four years ago. I went down one size every three or four weeks...only after my ear had healed completely. I went down to a four. I took it out a year or so ago and you can't even tell that my ear was stretched. The hole is bigger, but because I did mine gradually it shrank back up without that stretched out look.

Make her do it this way. Also, to slow the process of her stretching it out, make her pay for her own jewelry...it can be costly.


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## forevermommy

I had my ear holes stretched to a 12 gauge, which is the next size smaller. I had the hoops in for about 2 years, got pregnant, and decided hoops and babies were probably not a good idea for me and took them out. That was almost 3 yrs ago. You can't tell that those holes were stretched compared to the others in my ears. I can't imagine it being too much different with 10 gauge. But everyone's bodies are different. You might want to ask people on the Tatooed & Pierced Board within Finding Your Tribe....


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## DaryLLL

How old is your dd? Mine is almost 17 and is going to a 4 as soon as the new earrings come in the mail.


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## johub

SHe will be 13 next month.


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## DaryLLL

Ah. Still pretty young. M 13 yo ds has 12 gauges.


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## chickadee79

I agree with shyly. I gauged my ears to a 10 gradually. When I took them out, the holes went back to their original size pretty quickly. You can get a gauger that you can do yourself at Hot Topic or someplace similar. It starts small and goes bigger. I would really recommend that if you do allow her to do it, that she does it gradually, nicer to her ears really. A 10 really isn't all that big either, its not like you can watch tv through the holes or anything(a friend of mine had 0s, and you could see things through the hole, kinda funny....)
But, imo, its like dying hair, its not permanent, and she may decide after doing it that it wasn't all that spectacular anyways.


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## fayking

i agree with others..the 10g will heal up no prob if she changes her mind. one of my ears is approx 2g (6 mil in UK sizing) which would probably shrink down if i let it. the other is 00g (10 mil) and will never shrink back to its original size. (and yes you can
see thru it!)


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## Jane

Even if the holes don't go back, she could later have the holes snipped and stitched later - it's a lot cheaper than tattoo removal. It's not (totally) permanent.


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## shishkeberry

One of the holes I have in my left ear was gagued to a 00 about two years ago. I took it out (I forget why :LOL) and it closed up to a 12. You can't even tell it was even there.

(I used to be able to let people drink through my ear! It was great.)

Oh yeah, but go slowly. It hurts really bad to put in a gague that's too big. Try getting a taper. They're thin and pointy on one end, and thicker on the other end.


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## johub

I knew I came to the right place.
Thanks for all the great advice. I now see this with a grain of salt and dont really think it is that big of a deal.
I might make it somethign special conditional on turning 13 next month.
Joline


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## ryleeee

My husband and I are both at 0 gauge right now...not so big. To you guys that might seem huge (lol) but...I want to go BIG...like fit my thumb through my ear. We would let our kids gauge their ears if they wanted, it's not like it hurts or doesn't shrink back within like, 2 weeks of taking them out (or sooner) ... but it's your call.


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## BareFootMama

I suppose everyone heals differently ~ but I had my lobes stretched to an 8g and once I took them out, it didn't take long at all to heal up. As a matter of fact, the holes are just about the same as they were before. Everyone gave great advice though about going slowly. Even just going one size too big can hurt. Buying the taper is a good idea though!


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## girlndocs

There's a gal at our health food store who usually wears really big (I'm not sure what size) gauged-up earrings, but the other day she'd switched to some "regular" hoops & there was no big hole or anything, it looked fine.

You know, I've heard of teens who _do_ grow up & say "Why did you let me do this to myself?!" but as far as I can tell, those are teens who engaged in really self-destructive behavior ... drugs, anorexia, bigtime promiscuity. I've never heard of anyone saying that about a body mod they wanted in the first place, KWIM?


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## emomama

first off, that's so cool that you would even consider letting your daughter gauge up! (my mom would have passed out had i even asked...) mine are now at 2's and my dh did have 0's which he has since taken out and have healed over. you can see a little spot on his ear but that's about it. if you go slowly, and taper and gauge up one size at a time until you reach your desired gauge, they should heal up fine if she ever decides to get rid of them. (unless of course, you go really big... then they will never shrink down completely.) letting her gauge up would be a totally cool birthday/rite of passage gift. i would have loved that when i was 13.


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## Curious Me

Quote:


Originally Posted by *johub*
SHe will be 13 next month.

Oh my gosh, I'm reading each message and not "seeing myself" in any of them and am wondering "Am I ultra-conservative on this issue or what?!?!" I would not give my permission for my 13 year-old daughter -- or my 15 year old daughter -- or my 17 3/4 daughter to do anything to her body that involves stretching the holes of the ear lobes (or any other part).

I am comforted by the posts that say the holes will close when (and if) the guages are removed.

I view the stretching/gauging thing much like tattoos. For the most part, it is permanent -- unless it is, of course, a very small hole. I believe that teenagers are NOT mature enough to make such decisions -- "permanent" means nothing to them at these ages.

My step-nephew has huge holes (larger than a quarter) in his ears. He started growing the holes when he was about 14. At 18 he started in with the tattoos and he does not appear to be stopping (his next target spot is his neck). I wonder if his mom knew when he was 14 how far he would go once given the green light (if she even "gave" permission -- I don't really know).

Here's the deal I have with my daughter who is 15 and who wants both her nose and navel pierced. Because the nose is so visible and it could affect her ability to get a job, it is out of the question until at least the age of 18.

She will be allowed to get her navel pierced when ALL of the following are achieved: (1) She is at least 16 years old; (2) she is maintaining above-average grades; (3) she is trustworthy, responsible and reliable (which includes having a part-time job).

The guaging would be out of the question. I'd go for weird hair over permanent changes any day of the week.

Now I'm off to continue reading the posts -- and hope that I'm not the only mom out there who would say "No" to this.......


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## Kirsten

Well, you were the only "no" til now....

I wouldn't be ok with it. However, I don't even think double ear piercings are ok...







:

When I was a kid, every girl in my class had pierced ears but me. My dad always said when I was 18 or moved out of the house, whichever came first. He died when I was 12. My mom let me when I was 13. I let them grow back - I think subconciously I thought I shouldn't have them at all. Now I wish I didn't have these marks on my ears but they are not a big deal really.

My dd1 has already asked for pierced ears - when she is 13 I'll agree to it. She has quit asking as she can tell I am non-negotiable. But gauging, double piercings, body piercing anywhere but lobes of ears, tattoo - no. I guess I'm just traditional in that sense. I would be ok with odd hair color/style and choice of clothing as that is very temporary IMO.

I am going to go follow that link to see the sizes so at least I seem a bit hip (knowledgable) when the kids start talking about it. I haven't seen anyone in my town with gauged ears so not sure if it has "arrived" here as a phase or not.


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## journeymom

Well, no, I wouldn't want my daughter to do this. I would discourage her. But she's not interested in gauging her ears. And there are worse things than body piercings and tats. Even where getting a job is concerned. I'm guessing that if you're the type who likes multiple pierces and tattoos, then maybe you won't want to work somewhere that discourages it. And at least in Northern California, this life style is common enough that many employers don't care about it.

But- as far as piercings being permanent or not, well I think that depends on the person. Dh had two holes in one ear. He didn't wear earrings in either for very long, before he let them grow over. This was maybe 16 years ago and he still has two very obvious piercings on his ear lobe.

So I don't think you can say that all you have to do is take the jewelry out and let it grow over and it'll look like nothing ever happened. On some folks it's' definitly permanent.


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## TiredX2

I have no issues w/piercing, tatoos or gauging, but I just wanted to add...

*please* please please insist that your DD do this safely. That not only means slowly like already mentioned but with good quality materials, advice from a professional, the correct cleaning schedule, etc...


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## Kirsten

OK, so 10 is not that big... But I would still think that if I opened the door to gauging at all, then how do you say "but no bigger than a 10!" Seems like a "gateway" thing and I'd still avoid it. But that is just me.


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## Raynbow

The younger you are, the better the hole will heal (I.e., return to normal when you stop guaging).

I have a coworker who's son had a large hole - took it out a month before senior pix and by the time his pc was taken, you couldn't even see he had his guaged at all.

My 11 yr old son has his ear pierced and slightly guaged - size 14. I really wouldn't go bigger - partially because his father is vehemently opposed and also because I think he is too young to properly care for it. I also (and this is MY opinion for MY son only... not passing judgement for OTHER kids or parents) think it would be inappropriate for his age to have a bigger hole.


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## midstreammama

I don't have any issues with ear piercing, tattoos, or anything.

Mind you, I wouldn't let my 13 year old daughter get a tattoo or anything like that... I wanted to get one when I was 13 and my mom took me and the tattoo artist wouldn't do one on me because she said I wasn't done growing yet and the skin would stretch.

I would let my daughters get their ears pierced, when they ask me. My 6 year old daughter got her ears pierced when she was about 3.5 years old.
I would have no problem with the gaguing. I am ITA with pp when she said that I wouldn't let them go too big because they can't properly care for it yet.

There are definite reasons why I could day no though. Not just because I think its wrong.


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## bright-eyes

alright here's the info you need to know:
a 10 gauge is about the size of the stick part of a q-tip
ear gaurging is not permanent unless you stretch past a 00
a 00 is larger than the size of a pencil
gauging to a 10 will hardly be noticeable
and she can take out a 10 and will stretch back within a few days
one more thing is that unlike other body mods parental consent is not necesarry for gauging, and it would be very easy for her to gauge without you even knowing it. so i'd let her gauge. its definately not permanent at a 10. and letting her have some freedom will prevent her from rebelling and getting a tattoo or something.


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## talk de jour

bright-eyes, there is no set number at which ear stretching (not "gauging," "gauging" means "measuring") becomes permanent. It is possible to repair larger holes, and some smaller holes (though probably never a 10) become impossible to "unstretch."


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## Piercedboy

A 10 is very, very small. It will close up to a 16 within a few weeks if left without an earring.

I had 3/4 inch plugs in my ears up until about 3 months ago, now they are down to about 00. As long as she doesn't go beyond 00, she should be ok. Stretching should be done very slowly. my DW and I have told our daughter when she is ten she can decide if she wants to gauge up her ears, and no more than 1 stretch every 6 months.


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## mommy68

I would find out first why she wants to do it. If it's just because everyone her age is doing this right now then it's a phase and why allow your child to do what everyone around her is doing? Aren't we supposed to be teaching our children to be themselves?? I guess I don't understand that part, especially with her being only 13 yrs old.

First, I would make her wait a year or two and see if still wants to do it then. She may have different friends with different ideas and at that point something like this in her ear might keep away people that might make friendships with her that would be better for her.

I personally wouldn't allow it with my child. If she is serious about doing it for "herself" and her "own" reasons (which she probably isn't if every other child has done it) then she can wait a year or two down the road. If it's a phase then by that time she will be over it and on to something else.









I would never say I'd let my child do something like this just so they don't rebel and get something worse like a tattoo! Where's the respect I've taught my child up until that point that he/she is supposed to have for me.







Things don't work that way in my house. Where does the parenting come in? That's why kids this age need parents and they need limits. They will jump and do anything they see their friends doing "at that moment." She will get past this phase in a few months. I'd tell her no.


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## MillingNome

My dd will not be able to do anything like until she is 18. Anything that can be remotely permanant will have to wait until then.


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## MamaWindmill

Quote:


Originally Posted by *talk de jour* 
bright-eyes, there is no set number at which ear stretching (not "gauging," "gauging" means "measuring") becomes permanent. It is possible to repair larger holes, and some smaller holes (though probably never a 10) become impossible to "unstretch."

Just as an aside (sorry to be kind of OT), I work in a tattoo shop part-time with a master body piercer, who always refers to stretching piercings to larger holes as "gauging," i.e. "she wants to gauge her ears up, can you get her paperwork going."


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## Piercedboy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaWindmill* 
Just as an aside (sorry to be kind of OT), I work in a tattoo shop part-time with a master body piercer, who always refers to stretching piercings to larger holes as "gauging," i.e. "she wants to gauge her ears up, can you get her paperwork going."

http://wiki.bmezine.com/index.php/Gauging

Quote:

Gauging is slang for stretching a piercing. For example, rather than saying "are you planning on stretching your lobes?" you could also say, "how far are you planning on gauging your ears?"

Gauging by most piercers' reactions, this term is annoying at best, and should be avoided at all costs (Note the proper use of the word 'gauging').


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## MamaWindmill

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piercedboy* 
http://wiki.bmezine.com/index.php/Gauging

Ha! Weird! Thanks for the link.


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## Vermillion

Quote:

First, I would make her wait a year or two and see if still wants to do it then. She may have different friends with different ideas and at that point *something like this in her ear might keep away people that might make friendships with her that would be better for her*
Ouch! That kind of rubbed me the wrong way...

But I can kind of agree. Being a tattooed, pierced and stretched ear mama myself, yes it does keep certain people (ie. judgmental and closed minded) from making friendships with me. Fine by me. It's nice to be able to weed those types out without any effort on my part.







Anyone who would be put off from having a friendship over a hole in an ear isn't someone worth giving time to anyway. JMO.


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## Piercedboy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion* 
Ouch! That kind of rubbed me the wrong way...

But I can kind of agree. Being a tattooed, pierced and stretched ear mama myself, yes it does keep certain people (ie. judgmental and closed minded) from making friendships with me. Fine by me. It's nice to be able to weed those types out without any effort on my part.







Anyone who would be put off from having a friendship over a hole in an ear isn't someone worth giving time to anyway. JMO.

Yeah!


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## mama_bee

i could be the mean mommy here and say "well dear, if you don't even know the correct term for the procedure, HELL NO."









first, what you're referring to is actually stretching the ears, not gauging. to gauge is to measure. the size of the hole is the gauge. the process of attaining that hole is done by stretching.

second, i'm an aspiring piercer and have quite a few body modifications including formerly stretched ears. i had my ears up to a 2g which is quite large by most mainstream standards. the tip of my finger could easily fit through. my point in explaining is to tell you that after the novelty of stretched ears wore off, i was able to remove the plugs and have them close up back to normal sized piercing holes [about an 18-20g] within DAYS. no permanent marks. this is typical. with proper care, stretched ears close easily and without scarring.

the procedure itself is fairly easy and safe. tapers are used to gently stretch the lobe tissue gauge by gauge and then appropriately-sized jewelry is inserted into the hole. if done by a professional or supervised by one, it's generally harmless. the trouble comes with patience. many people will try to speed the process along by skipping sizes or pushing tapers through too quickly. this can cause trauma and tearing to the earlobes.

i don't have a teen and can't say what i'd do in your position but please understand that this is one of the LEAST permanent and safest body modifications popular amongst teens.


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## Houdini

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion* 
Ouch! That kind of rubbed me the wrong way...

But I can kind of agree. Being a tattooed, pierced and stretched ear mama myself, yes it does keep certain people (ie. judgmental and closed minded) from making friendships with me. Fine by me. It's nice to be able to weed those types out without any effort on my part.







Anyone who would be put off from having a friendship over a hole in an ear isn't someone worth giving time to anyway. JMO.









I completely agree.


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## talk de jour

As far as society's reaction, I have 9/16" stretched lobes. I have long hair that covers them up, so nobody sees them unless I want them to.









If I worked in foodservice or something that required a ponytail, I might have a problem, but I haven't faced anything... no one at any of my jobs has even known. I think I even have some friends that don't know.


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## talk de jour

Also, you can get earrings that, if not examined too closely, look like a regular earring just with a big, uh... front piece? Not sure what those are called.

Honestly, it's very safe... I started stretching when I was a young teen. I was extremely researched, and it really wasn't a common mod back then, so I did everything correctly. What I'd be scared of now is kids who want to immediately look "cool," as the practice is rather popular at the moment, and try to stretch their ears to huge sizes extremely quickly. This can result in a LOT of damage and trauma to the ears, and the ears would be a lot less likely to "stretch back." (However, I DO NOT recommend doing this as a temporary mod. I think one should only go into the process if they're ready for it to be PERMANENT, because it can be.)
It took me a year to stretch to 4ga, and I'd be really concerned if your daughter tried to stretch any quicker than that.


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## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shishkeberry* 
(I used to be able to let people drink through my ear! It was great.)









my brother has 00s and we used to do this. I also had a friend in high school whose tongue was gauged to about the size of a coffee stirrer and we used to do that. Pretty gross, eh?


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## mommy68

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion* 
Being a tattooed, pierced and stretched ear mama myself, yes it does keep certain people (ie. judgmental and closed minded) from making friendships with me. Fine by me. It's nice to be able to weed those types out without any effort on my part.







Anyone who would be put off from having a friendship over a hole in an ear isn't someone worth giving time to anyway. JMO.

but you're an adult. If the OP is a mom that wants to allow her child to do this type of thing then fine. But she obviously put this question out there because she wasn't sure what to do. If it were my "child" then they would be told no and told to wait until they are 18 because I've been a teenager myself and know that certain things are just fads.

It's kind of like seeing the tramp stamp on every other 22 yr old right now. I bet there are a few of those girls that wish they would have never fallen in to that little phase when they were younger. I'm not saying all of them probably feel this way but I'm sure some do.







I feel that under 18 that children will do "anything" a certain friend is doing just to fit in and that's not right. The lesson here for a "child" mind you under the age of 18 is to teach them to be themselves and not to do what all their peers are doing.

I want to teach my kids to be themselves. Let's face it, they are NOT being themselves when they want to get peircings or tattoos like all of their friends are getting. How is that thinking for themselves or making their own decision to be "different" when all their friends are doing it?? Give me a break.

If we were discussing smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, doing drugs, starving to be thin like her friends, etc..... I bet this whole thread would be going along differently -- considering that we are discussing a child under 16 yrs old doing something to her body.







I'm talking about the AGE here, not necessarily what they are wanting to do to themselves.


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## mirlee

I think there are way worse things she could do. Mine weren't huge, but you can't tell I ever had holes larger than standard piercings. The size your daughter wants to go isn't that big to me. They will close up. Who knows, maybe once she gets the first size, she won't like the way she looks. Like others have said, there are way worse things she could be doing.

On the other hand, 13 seems young to me for this kind of body mod. If you don't want her to do it, maybe you could talk to her about the impression people will have of her? Talk to her about how adults might see her and how other friends' parents might see her. I would also look at websites that show pictures of people who have done this and talk about how you react and get her thoughts.

If you were in Lousisana, i would have her talk to one of my very dear friends. His ears are serious. I think his disks are about 1/2 inch. No kidding. He has worn his ears this way for over 20 some odd years.


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## talk de jour

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
I want to teach my kids to be themselves. Let's face it, they are NOT being themselves when they want to get peircings or tattoos like all of their friends are getting. How is that thinking for themselves or making their own decision to be "different" when all their friends are doing it?? Give me a break.

If we were discussing smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, doing drugs, starving to be thin like her friends, etc..... I bet this whole thread would be going along differently -- considering that we are discussing a child under 16 yrs old doing something to her body.







I'm talking about the AGE here, not necessarily what they are wanting to do to themselves.

So it's okay that I did it as a young teen because it wasn't cool then?


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## stellimamo

I had bottom holes a 6 and the middle a 10 about 4 years ago and had to take them out for a job and now they are no different then a normal sized piercing.. no perminate damage.


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## Piercedboy

Bear Big Ears

10 gauge is small!







:

I really think that the argument about what people think of you if you have stretched ears is ridiculous. I live in Texas, and off the top of my head can think of about 35 friends, both guys and girls who have ears considerably larger than 10 gauge. We aren't freaks, we do hold down good jobs, and we are nice people. Claiming it shouldn't be done because of what vanilla people think, is just being small-minded imho. It ranks right there with discriminating because of race, religion, or sexual preference.

(Vanilla is not a derogatory term, it just means people who haven't yet had flavors added to them.







)


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## bright-eyes

i may be a bit biased in this conversation as i'm currently stretching to a 0.
and as for the 'gauging' versus 'stretching' thing, i think its different depending where you are. just like you can call the things you use to stretch either tapers or stretchers. not really a big deal. but again, i really love body mods, piercings, tattoos, the whole bit. i also think that it depends a lot ony our daughter's maturity level. you can have a 13-year-old who behaves like a 17-year-old. only you know your daughter.


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## Korkana

10 really isn't big at all.. It will definitely close up, it's small enough. I'm 16 and my ears are at 00's because my mom won't let me go any bigger for the time being, and I've had them stretched for awhile, but definitely went too quick, I was from 16's to 2's in less than 5 weeks. She's really weird about stuff too, and pretty judgemental, which suprises me. She complains but she knows it's something I wanted and I love having them, and know in my mind I won't regret it. She also let me get my monroe done last year... Which was a big suprise. So your daughter is asking pretty little really, why not let her?


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## MamaWindmill

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bright-eyes* 
i may be a bit biased in this conversation as i'm currently stretching to a 0.
and as for the 'gauging' versus 'stretching' thing, i think its different depending where you are. just like you can call the things you use to stretch either tapers or stretchers.

Yeah, the MBP I mentioned in my PP usually calls it gauging (or stretching, I realized - he doesn't ALWAYS say gauging), and the thingies







he uses, he calls tapers. I really think it differs from place to place and shop to shop - I asked him about the whole "body piercers consider it uncool to call it gauging" thing and he just laughed. And he's been doing it for 14 years!

As an aside, I would let her do it. I don't think it's at all comparable to smoking cigarettes or doing drugs to fit in - those things are destructive and illegal, stretching/gauging her ears is not. Just my opinion.


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## Mizelenius

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
Aren't we supposed to be teaching our children to be themselves??

I always thought this about the "alternative" people at my high school. I thought it ironic that (1) they tried hard to look different from the mainstream because that in and of itself VALIDATES the mainstream and (2) in their attempts to look different, they ended up looking exactly like each other.

I would allow my DD to do anything that was temporary. And even piercing the ears . . .I dunno. I have mine pierced, but after seeing a girl in HS with huge keloids as a result of getting hers done . . .I am not sure even that is a great idea.


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## MissAbbyRosesMamma

ive wanted to go to at least a 10 for the last...6 or 7 years...havent gotten around to it but the desire is still there. the reason? cuz i like the way it looks, so yeah, it might be that some of her friends have it done but thats probably not WHY shes doing it, its probably WHERE she saaw it...


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## trmpetplaya

If you think a 10 is too big, then maybe compromise on a 14 or 12. It's not going to cause lasting damage (from what I've read) and as pps have mentioned, the holes can size back down in time. I looked at the chart with sizes and the 10 isn't big at all. I wouldn't do it, but if my dd really wanted to and did the research then I don't see why not.

Unlike starving herself and doing drugs or binge drinking, etc, this shouldn't do lasting damage and I don't see where the comparison is (other than doing things other kids do). Not ALL popular things are damaging or bad to follow. My group of friends in high school wore black, studied a TON, and had really good grades. So I wore black and studied







Just like you can take off black clothes once you tire of them, so can you let the stretched holes get smaller. You can never undo all the damage from years of drug abuse or severe eating disorders. There's a HUGE difference









love nd peace.


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## amyjeans

Hi OP-
this thread has given you (and me!) lots of information about the whole event- procedure, types etc. FWIW, if our dd came to us wanting to do something like this, dh and I made an agreement long ago that our kids can do anything they want as long as they approach us with a good argument backed with proof, and information making their choice a sound one, in this case providing info about the procedure, risks, benefits, long term effects and the like. Thereby proving to us that not only was she ready, but well educated through her own means to do the piercing (or whatever it may be). Now in your case, you have an added advantage that you know a great deal about the piercing to compare your findings to hers.
So maybe putting the ball in her court and offering her that as a solution. She can do it, as long as she researches it to the enth degree and reports back to you with her reasoning.
Does that make sense?
What I mean is, "I want to peirce my ears because everyone else is doing it in school" is not an acceptable reason. Little more explanation required. kwim?

all my best!


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## talk de jour

The point is that saying "gauging" is not the correct term, because you're not measuring your ears.


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## talk de jour

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Korkana* 
10 really isn't big at all.. It will definitely close up, it's small enough. I'm 16 and my ears are at 00's because my mom won't let me go any bigger for the time being, and I've had them stretched for awhile, but definitely went too quick, I was from 16's to 2's in less than 5 weeks.

I wouldn't let you stretch any more either if I were her, considering you didn't do what you already have intelligently and safely.


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## MeganW

read through all this and keep my mouth shut. I agree with the PP that said this about AGE no What they want to do per se.

My DH is an EXCELLENT piercer and NONE of our children will have anything pierced other than ears before 16 and nothing will be stretched till 18.

These holes do not always close as they should. DH has his ears stretched to an inch and a quarter and nothing short of plastic surgery will correct it if he ever decides he doesn't like it.

I bet not a single one of these children could tell you the REAL tribal and ritualistic reasons for any of their piercings. (or the ones they want)


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## hookahgirl

Mine are at 00 and if I leave them with nothing in them for more than 2 days they are quickly on their way to 2g....just an FYI!
Take her to a shop, they will talk to her and let her know whats up, ivolve her in the process 100%, if oyu dont she may start using things like q-tip sticks and marker tops to make those holes bigger (eek!!)


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## Mizelenius

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeganW* 
read through all this and keep my mouth shut. I agree with the PP that said this about AGE no What they want to do per se.

My DH is an EXCELLENT piercer and NONE of our children will have anything pierced other than ears before 16 and nothing will be stretched till 18.

These holes do not always close as they should. DH has his ears stretched to an inch and a quarter and nothing short of plastic surgery will correct it if he ever decides he doesn't like it.

I bet not a single one of these children could tell you the REAL tribal and ritualistic reasons for any of their piercings. (or the ones they want)

Interesting!


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## amyjeans

Quote:

I bet not a single one of these children could tell you the REAL tribal and ritualistic reasons for any of their piercings. (or the ones they want)
well, to me that is a shame. I would expect that to be part of the explanation. Perhaps a child wishing to do this could learn something along the way about another culture (kinda the point of the research).


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## Piercedboy

The reasons for getting pierced are incredibly diverse. I know some christians who have gotten their ears pierced to show their willingness to serve, many of my friends in Togo have gotten their ears pierced as part of a coming of age ceremony, and people from all over do it as a trial, to prove themselves.


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## oneKnight

A 10ga ear isn't that huge or stretched out looking, my ears are 14 and my "other" piercings are 12ga. The bigger sizes are actually more comfortable because the metal is less likely to cut into the skin. It took me about a year to go from 18ga (regular earrings) to 14ga and that's only 2 sizes but I just did it slowly! I'd like to go to 12ga so that all my piercings are the same size, but I haven't ever saved enough $$ for quality jewelry.
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...Picture156.jpg 14ga looks pretty normal

Good jewelry is key. Also the weight of bigger jewelry will stretch some so I wear Titanium in my VCH because the thin skin is prone to stretching anyway. I haven't had any problems in that regard.


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## talk de jour

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeganW* 
These holes do not always close as they should. DH has his ears stretched to an inch and a quarter and nothing short of plastic surgery will correct it if he ever decides he doesn't like it.

I would say that comparing 10ga to 1 1/4" is nothing short of misguided and ignorant.


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## talk de jour

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oneKnight* 
A 10ga ear isn't that huge or stretched out looking, my ears are 14 and my "other" piercings are 12ga. The bigger sizes are actually more comfortable because the metal is less likely to cut into the skin.

Yep! The smallest size that GOOD piercers will pierce at (aside from cartilage, which is a bit different) is 14ga, for good reason.


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## earthmama369

Depending on her reasons, I would let her at 13. I'm aiming for certain standards when it comes to my children asking for things that might be outside my comfort zone:

-Is it self-harming?
-Is it harmful to others?
-Is it permanent?
-Have they really put some thought into it?
-Can they take responsibility for their decision?

You could make an argument for self-harming, but I'm thinking more of intent here than the fleeting pain of piercing. If she could earn the money for the piercing(s) and be responsible for keeping it clean while healing, I wouldn't forbid it.

As far as the job worries go, my husband has an earring through his upper ear and hair halfway down his back, and works for a computer tech firm. No hassles. A friend also has long hair and a tongue piercing and works for a VERY conservative firm. So every morning he puts on his shirt and tie, his slacks, ties his hair back, and puts in a clear barbell through his tongue. It's been 6 years and they don't even know his tongue is pierced. (Even after the time he got a Lifesaver stuck on his barbell during a meeting, right before he had to give a speech.







)


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## talk de jour

Quote:


Originally Posted by *earthmama369* 
You could make an argument for self-harming, but I'm thinking more of intent here than the fleeting pain of piercing. If she could earn the money for the piercing(s) and be responsible for keeping it clean while healing, I wouldn't forbid it.

It's not exactly a "piercing," and the pain (it's really more of a stretching-burn and then soreness) is not fleeting.

Rather, in simplistic terms, it's putting a larger earring into a hole with the intent of making that hole larger.

IMO it's better to learn how to do it yourself than to go to a piercer for it. It puts you in control, helps you figure out what feels right and what feels wrong, etc. And if you do your research, the process itself is pretty hard to screw up (unlike piercing yourself).


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## mama_bee

Quote:


Originally Posted by *talk de jour* 
I would say that comparing 10ga to 1 1/4" is nothing short of misguided and ignorant.









: i couldn't have said it better.


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## MamaWindmill

One other thing to add - and I know to some this sounds painfully obvious - some people don't realize that body piercers do not use piercing "guns" like in the mall. Of course, this doesn't pertain to stretching, but the number of parents we have bringing their kids in thinking our body piercer uses a "gun" is somewhat suprising.

I guess my only other thought on this issue is that if the worst trouble your kid ever gives you is that she/he wants to stretch his/her ears, I would get on my knees and thank whoever. There are so many things kids can choose to do that is actually harmful or dangerous, stretching their earlobes isn't even on my List of Things to Worry About. Just my opinion.


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## oneKnight

Quote:


Originally Posted by *talk de jour* 
Yep! The smallest size that GOOD piercers will pierce at (aside from cartilage, which is a bit different) is 14ga, for good reason.

I had my lobes done at the mall years ago before I joined the piercing communities and learned better. Thankfully, I survived it. I would never do it again!
I also stretched all of mine myself, slow is the key with good jewelry to back it up









Quote:

I would say that comparing 10ga to 1 1/4" is nothing short of misguided and ignorant.
I agree.


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## Yo Becca

If it were me, I would probably let her do it, although I would set some sort of deadline, like, "let's wait 3 months, you save your money, and if you still think it's worth it, I'll take you." THat way, you'll both know it's not a flash-in-the-pan interest, and she'll have time to really think about it rather than acting on impulse.

I would INSIST she go to a professional peircer with professional, sterile equipment and that she pay for the service and jewelry herself- either with money she earns/saves or by earning through standards you set. And I would talk to her and the peircer and agree on a nice, slow plan for doing the gauging and have her agree to it. honestly, I think having her do it slowly will give her things to look forward to and make it more something she "earns".

I would let a teenager stretch her ears ANYDAY before I'd let an under-16/17/18 year old pierce her belly button. Navel piercings are painful, ridiculously long and slow in healing, and easily infected. And they are intended to be sexy and shown by pulling up your shirt. Which is fine for people of an appropriate age, but I hate to see girls younger and younger making body and fashion decisions aimed at being sexy. but I would rather my daughter have fun, punky ear piercings than a navel piercing hands down.

DH has his ears stretched right now to a 4 and most people wouldn't even noticed they were stretched. He constantly loses his earrings, and when he does they go down 2-4 gauges within days. He took out his earrings for a few months and had to start back at the beginning. And he didn't start until his late 20's.

Do go slow and set some standards - i would not allow her to stretch her own, but that's me. However, my mother would NEVER allow me to get a second earring when I was 14. So I got this guy Benji i sorta knew who played bass in a band to pierce it in the front seat of his car with an earring my friend loaned me. It's still there. If she had said yes, the outcome would have been the same - only it would have been done sterily and professionally. Not saying anyone else's kid would do the same - or that the "they'll just do it behind your back" arguement is a good reason to say yes. But my mom couldn't give me a reason WHY it wasn't okay other than what other people would think - and I couldn't have cared LESS what other people think. It was in for months before she noticed - and it took my folks over a year before they noticed my toungue ring.

And, for what it's worth, I've never been turned down for a job for which I was qualified - despite my toungue ring, now-removed eyebrow piercing, and 10 lobe and cartilage ear piercings - including teaching public high school, various waitressing jobs, 1-on-1 tutoring with teenagers, and teaching at a community college.


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## Houdini

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaWindmill* 
I guess my only other thought on this issue is that if the worst trouble your kid ever gives you is that she/he wants to stretch his/her ears, I would get on my knees and thank whoever. There are so many things kids can choose to do that is actually harmful or dangerous, stretching their earlobes isn't even on my List of Things to Worry About. Just my opinion.









I think this is a very good point that bears repeating.


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## talk de jour

:


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## Piercedboy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *talk de jour* 
It's not exactly a "piercing," and the pain (it's really more of a stretching-burn and then soreness) is not fleeting.

If stretching a lobe piercing hurts, you're doing it wrong. Pain during a non-cartilage stretch is your body telling you it's not quite ready. I've never had any amount of pain during a stretch, there is a small amount of soreness, which is your body accommodating the larger piece of jewelry, but that usually goes away within 12 hours with some light massage with a vitamin e oil.


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## Sharlla

I'm gauging my ears to a 4 (right now I'm at an 8) , I think small and cute and they could shrink back to normal size later should I not want them big anymore someday. I've found great deals on my earrings on Ebay ($3 ish for a pair plus $3 shipping) the local place charges $8 per earring. I'm using the dead stretching method and just going up to a larger gauge every couple of weeks. This has been working well and give my ears time to stretch slowly and without pain.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ear_gauging


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## MamaWindmill

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piercedboy* 
I've never had any amount of pain during a stretch

Did it hurt at all the very first time you went up a size? One of the people I work with at the shop had some bleeding and pain when she was first "stretched."


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## Piercedboy

Not at all. It has never hurt to stretch. I had my ear dermal punched at a 00, and then stretched up to 3/4 inch this time. Previously I started at 14 and stretched up to 00.


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## Hera

Hi,
I'm 30 years old and in the process of stretching right now. I have a couple of thoughts for you, because I am thinking things through especially as regards "grown-up" jewelry and possibly being able to wear the real stuff with actual cut stones and things ever again.

1. 10 is not very big. I was at a 10 last week, and when I took the posts out the hole looked pretty normal. Left them out overnight and it was hard to get the jewelry back in. Not a big deal, it would totally be OK to do that and still be able to wear post or wire earrings.

2. I think with this stretching trend that we're seeing, in a few years more jewelers, especially the more artistic craftspeople, will be making jewelry to fit stretched holes. There are already some beautiful pieces available in horn and bone, and with carved semi-precious stones. This is why I'm doing it, because I'm allergic to some metals and am hoping I can wear the organic materials. I can imagine beautiful designs with gold, silver, and stones. Maybe Titanium because it is lighter...

3. My mom and dh bought me a ring and pendant set for my birthday, like these. We were in a jewelry store looking for a chain for the pendant, and I was browsing the jewelry. All of the earrings looked strange to me, and I could imagine how they would look as "piercing" jewelry instead, and to me it seemed like a much more fluid design choice. Looking at people with those wires and earring backs, I think they look weird, like there's this ugly extra metal bit attached to the earring so that it can go through that tiny hole.

I guess my point is that lots of kids are doing it (and grown-ups too) and yes, at the larger sizes it is more permanent. That means that it will be a lot more normal as these people get older, and jewelry will be made to suit and it won't be any big deal.

Just my 2 cents.


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## Hera

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaWindmill* 
Did it hurt at all the very first time you went up a size? One of the people I work with at the shop had some bleeding and pain when she was first "stretched."

Was she going from a regular ear hole up to a 12 the first time? I could see that, but you don't really want the skin to tear.

I get a pinchy feeling and maybe some swelling, but it goes away in a day or two. Ring of fire, lol.


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## Hera

Oh, and I'm using glass, Pyrex, plugs which I really like. I am allergic to some metals, nickel especially, and this is the only jewelry that I've been able to stand for any length of time.

At first I tried to do it myself with "surgical steel" figuring it would be cheaper, but me ear swelled up and oozed and my glands on my neck swelled up. I thought I had an infection, so I took out the jewelry and let it heal, then went to the piercing shop. Allergy, he tells me. So, I get glass. It costs $20 for the jewelry and the stretching is free, though I tip.

I'm doing what the pp said, stretching gradually every 2 weeks or so, once the hole feels comfortable and healed. My piercer actually said that he recommends people come more often, and catch the window when the scar is granulizing but isn't healed yet, but I think he has great big earlobes in mind when he says that. I don't want huge plugs. I've got two holes in each ear, I think I'm going to 6 and 4, or maybe 8 and 4. Then I'll stop.


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## Piercedboy

You might want to try Niobium, or Surgical grade Titanium as well. My DW has problems with steel, but no problems with the titanium jewelry. I really like glass and organics, but you have to be a lot more carefull. I lost a nice pair of pyrex eyelets when I knocked them off the counter onto the tile, and a nice pair of coconut plugs when they got wet.


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## MamaWindmill

Gosh, she was...eep, you know, I don't know. I just remember she was all excited that day because our piercer/tattoo artist was going to move her up a size "finally."

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hera* 
Was she going from a regular ear hole up to a 12 the first time? I could see that, but you don't really want the skin to tear.

I get a pinchy feeling and maybe some swelling, but it goes away in a day or two. Ring of fire, lol.


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## talk de jour

Sorry, piercedboy, but it DOES hurt for some people. I stretch correctly (it took me 2 years to reach 1/2" -- I'm past that now, but I stayed there for a long time), and it still burns to stretch. Not everyone has the same amount of skin elasticity. I could not stretch EVER if I believed that I could NEVER stretch without burning. You are very lucky to have such elastic tissue. I have been told that I have "perfect" stretchies with no scar tissue, so I have a feeling I'm doing it correctly









Speaking of jewelry, I just ordered these:

http://bodyartforms.com/productdetai...ProductID=2612
Beeyootiful


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## Hera

Those are lovely. I was eyeballing some red tiger eye, myself...


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## Piercedboy

Be carefull with the organics from that site. They aren't all very high quality, and I've found some very sharp edges I've had to take care of on what I've gotten from there.


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## meemee

wow this was a year and a half ago thread resurrected. joline i wanna know how it went. did she do it and does seh still have it or has she changed her mind?


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## A&A

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Curious Me* 
Now I'm off to continue reading the posts -- and hope that I'm not the only mom out there who would say "No" to this.......


I'm right there with ya.


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## talk de jour

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piercedboy* 
Be carefull with the organics from that site. They aren't all very high quality, and I've found some very sharp edges I've had to take care of on what I've gotten from there.

You get what you pay for, I guess.

organicjewelry.com (I think) has some lovely stuff. I go to a shop that stocks some of their things, have bought several pieces from them, and it's great. You have to be careful with the prices, though -- retail is twice the listed price.


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