# Announcing Sierra Rose, born silently 7/3/09



## green_sturgeon (Feb 9, 2008)

So I'm back again, having lost what I hoped would be my rainbow baby after my miscarriage last year. This little one should have been born in late September but...

At an ultrasound at 22 weeks we found out that the placenta wasn't functioning properly, the amniotic fluid was really low, and the baby was growth restricted. I then had weekly ultrasounds with doppler studies to check the blood flow in the placenta and umbilical arteries. We were constantly evaluating whether to deliver the baby, but ultrasound estimates of her size showed she had pretty much stopped growing at 12 ounces and (after consulting a neonatologist) we decided it was too risky to deliver a baby that small. We kept hoping she could hang in there and grow bigger; she fought hard for five weeks, but she just wasn't getting what she needed to grow.

On July 2, I had an ultrasound that showed the baby was no longer alive. The last time I felt her move that I was sure of was June 30. After the ultrasound, I went home and got my stuff together, then went back to the hospital that evening to be induced. The labor was only about 12 hours from first cramps to birth. We used Cytotec for the induction, and I gave in and got an epidural at the end, after a couple of hours of contractions very close together. With the epidural and a tiny baby, it only took two pushing contractions before the baby came out - a very different experience from my three hours of pushing with my son.

Sierra Rose was born at 11:16 AM on July 3, 2009. She weighed 12.1 ounces and was 10 inches long. (Yes, about the size of a 20 weeker at 27 weeks and 5 days.) We held her and rocked her and counted her fingers and toes. She was so tiny, but perfect, with my mom's strong, straight nose, and my husband's feet (the second toe is longer than the first). We did get pictures, handprints and footprints, a cast of her feet, and the clothes she was dressed in for the pictures, all inside a pink felt envelope. Leaving the hospital with that envelope in my arms instead of my baby was incredibly hard, and I'm still very sad.

I also feel so guilty that my body and my placenta failed her. The placenta was only about two-thirds the size of my son's placenta and it was already calcified at not quite 28 weeks. The wonderful nurse who was with us when Sierra was born, and also my doctor, kept assuring me that there wasn't anything I could have done to make the placenta work any better or develop any differently, but I still feel like I starved my baby.

We are having an autopsy and examination of the placenta - I hope to get some answers about what happened and what the odds are of it happening again, but I realize we might never really know.

Thanks for listening to my story.


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## Temperance (Sep 9, 2007)

Goodnight Seirra, sleep well.


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## alternamama82 (May 28, 2009)

I was just on my way out the door and I figured I'd come check the forum just one more time... I couldn't not comment when I saw your post.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart every time I see a new mama on here.

Please know that this is a great place to be, with lots and lots of support. The women on here have been wonderful and I've made alot of great connections with them through sharing our experiences... ((hugs))

My daughter who I recently lost had Trisomy 18. She was very small when she was born at 37 wks (3lbs 9oz,) and had a very small placenta. I do know from all the research I've done that these are markers for Trisomy, just to let you know. I hope you can find out what exactly caused your daughter's problems.

You and Sierra are in my thoughts.


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## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

s to you mama. I am so, so sorry for your loss.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your precious Sierra.








Sierra


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## StacieM (Oct 13, 2006)

Erika ((((HUGS)))) it's not your fault. Bless your angel Sierra. That's such a beautiful name!


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so so sorry..


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I lost my Rainbow baby too. I miscarried in September 07 and lost Emma in labor at 40 weeks last October.

I am so very, very sorry that little Sierra Rose (what a beautiful name) didn't make it here. I hope the PM gives you some answers and some peace. Every single one of us here would have done ANYTHING to help our babies be here but sometimes there just isn't anything to be done.








Sierra Rose


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## WaitingForKiddos (Nov 30, 2006)

Warmth and light to you.

Our babies both had Dh's long second toe. Amazing in their perfection.


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## Authentic_Mother (Feb 25, 2007)

Aww Mama, it's just not fair.
Im so sorry for your loss








This is a great place to be - if you have to be - and there is a great group of ladies to talk to here.
I would love to see your beautiful little girl's picture. We don't shy away from photos of our babies here at all.
Again - Im so very sorry for your loss


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## MFuglei (Nov 7, 2002)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Sierra Rose.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your losses.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

Sierra Rose


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I'm so, so sorry









My heart breaks every time I see a new thread here... So unfair.

You're in my thoughts, mama. Wishing you much peace, healing, & strength. I hope that you are able to get some answers!







:








for your beautiful Sierra Rose


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## colorclash (Jul 14, 2009)

I am sorry for your loss. I think Sierra Rose is a lovely name.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I've thought of you so often. I am so sorry that things happened this way. We had a placental issue as well and I found that if I thought about it as this thing that was between the baby and I, of both of us, it helped. Neither one of us owned it. It wasn't mine completely nor was it his. I don't know why it helped as it's really sort of abstract, but it helped me not blame myself as much. You are in my thoughts mama. I am so sad for you.


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

I shed some tears for you and your sweet baby girl. I'm so sorry. Words can't express how sad I am for you.


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## earthzizu (Mar 6, 2009)

Somewhere... she is laughing... waiting for you to laugh with her.

My deepest condolences *hugs*


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

Erika, I'm so so sorry that you don't have your sweet Sierra Rose with you. Those sound like very, very long weeks of waiting and hoping for the best.

I'm so sorry you're here but these truly are the best bunch of ladies I have ever met online. This place is my safe haven and I hope that it can be yours too.

Hugs, sweetie.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

Sierra Rose

I'm so sorry to read of your loss of your beautiful Sierra Rose. Please be gentle with yourself in the coming weeks and months. It is important for you to remember that there was nothing you could do and you did everything you possibly could for your little girl.

Peace and Strength, D.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

so sorry for your loss. May you find peace. Sleep well Sierra


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Oh Erika... there just aren't words to tell you how sorry I am...









This forum breaks my heart.

Please know this is a safe place to come... say what you feel... we're here for you, walking with you on this journey. Don't hesitate to share everything about your little Sierra Rose that you feel moved to, including pictures... we know how much you love and miss her.







:















: Sierra Rose







:


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Sierra Rose.
















Sierra Rose


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.


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## green_sturgeon (Feb 9, 2008)

Thanks so much, everyone. I'm so sorry that any of us have to be here, but your sisterhood and very kind words are comforting to me.

Shannon and Lisa, thanks for posting here and on the Sept DDC. Lisa, I like what you said about thinking of the placenta as shared equally between mother and baby - that does help some.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

Mama- sending you and your family love, hugs, and healing thoughts.
Sleep peacefully Sierra.


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

Oh Mama.







My Fiona had serious placental issues as well, and it is so very very hard to not blame yourself about it. I try to think of it as similar to if I fell and broke a bone, its something that happened to my/her body/placenta and not something intentional.

Much love for you.


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## amberchap (Jan 14, 2007)

I'm so sorry.


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## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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