# One month old WILL NOT look at me



## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

There have been a few people in my DDC reassure me its not a big deal but I just need to hear (read) more mamas saying it. DD3 will not look at me, if we try to put our faces in front of hers she will do whatever she has to to keep from looking at us. If for a few moments we think she is looking at us, it is quickly dashed when we realize her focus is on something directly behind us. She does insist on being held when not asleep, but lately she is becoming a very fussy baby even when she is held. Just tell me its no big deal because each day I find myself dwelling on it more and more.....


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Oh, how I remember that... yes, it's normal. There's so much exciting stuff in the big world to look at, mama's face is blocking it!


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## sbgrace (Sep 22, 2004)

If I'm remembering properly my typically developing kiddo did that at that age. I was fearful he might be autistic if that's what's worrying you. He's fine-completely. I think it was just overwhelming to him when he was that little. Interestingly, his twin (lots of face contact and smiles) is the autistic one.


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

well she also has an enlarged kidney and from my understanding that can coincide with some genetic problems, so thats why I'm overly worried I think


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Well, if she's focusing on things BEHIND you, then you can rule out vision problems. She's obviously capable of focusing her eyes.


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

well we were thinking if its not a social problem maybe she's nearsighted? I think thats the right one. The one where you can see things far but not close. She will follow a body across the room, but won't look AT us.


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## ZoraP (Jun 11, 2009)

I'd say trust your instincts. If you're feeling more and more worried about it, you should consult your pediatrician. You've got two other children so you know what to expect -- in my experience, by that age they should be making eye contact and smiling once in a while. There may well be nothing wrong at all, but I'd talk to the doctor anyway if she were my baby.


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

The key is being able to focus on things....her eyes aren't just looking all over the place all the time, right?


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

She focuses on stuff, but for the most part it's walls, or the stuff on them. I can't even get her to look at a mirror. She also doesn't appear to focus on her mobile either.


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## Critty (Nov 10, 2007)

My four week old (tomorrow!) doesn't really look at us unless she is feeding and then she will stare very intently at me. When we hold her, or lie her down, she really likes to stare at blinds and where the painted walls meets the white ceiling, just like you say, past us. Does she look at you while eating?


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

My completely unscientific understanding is that it's prolonged eye contact which is important. If your babe isn't looking at your face AT ALL, that sounds more like a purposeful avoidance instead of just not meeting eye contact. Faces are extremely stimulating to young babies, perhaps yours has already figured out that looking away is a good self-soothing mechanism?

It doesn't hurt to ask your ped, but my understanding is that it's too young to be worried about no eye contact.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

I wouldn't worry, but thats b/c my parents were shocked at how alert Lincoln was and how interested he was in peoples faces. They said I didn't make eye-contact with anyone until I was about 3 months old. Might not be normal, but I'm just fine now.


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

nope not even when I'm nursing her. She really will not look at me at all. I set her in the papasan while I took a shower yesterday and she followed my body as I moved, but when I tried to lean down to see if she'd look at my face she wouldn't do it.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

I second the notion to consult your ped. Your mama instinct is obviously concerned about it, so follow that for sure.


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## bedheadmaestro (Jul 22, 2008)

My DD did that too at around 1 month...she went out of her way to avoid looking at us, especially if she was eating. I would follow her eyes with my head and she would whip her head back the other direction just to keep from making eye contact. Now she loves to look at us, I think I first caught her eye at 6 weeks and now she can't stop staring. i remember being really worried. Granted, she is only 4 months old now so I don't know if it is autism or what, but she is developing normally for now.


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## Whistler (Jan 30, 2009)

My DS did that for the longest time when he was an infant. It scared me so badly at the time but he's NT after all.


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## dearmama22 (Oct 20, 2008)

My 3 month old still does this sometimes. Sometimes I worry about him not being able to make eye contact or something, but then he'll stare at me for 30 minutes after nursing or while we're playing later or something. I think like other people said, there's just so much to see in the world! don't worry mama


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

It definately makes me feel better to see other babes did this. I wrote it on the questionare at the ped at our 2 week visit but she didn't address it and we were more preoccupied with getting her kidney checked out. The not looking at us thing isn't new I noticed it when she was born. Our next appt isn't till mid July, unless the urologist appt turns out to be before that.... wonder if I could ask them.... they probably wouldn't have a clue....

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Whistler* 
My DS did that for the longest time when he was an infant. It scared me so badly at the time but he's NT after all.

NT?


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## Whistler (Jan 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OceansEve* 
It definately makes me feel better to see other babes did this. I wrote it on the questionare at the ped at our 2 week visit but she didn't address it and we were more preoccupied with getting her kidney checked out. The not looking at us thing isn't new I noticed it when she was born. Our next appt isn't till mid July, unless the urologist appt turns out to be before that.... wonder if I could ask them.... they probably wouldn't have a clue....

NT?

NeuroTypical. Not Autistic.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

A 1 month old is definitely nearsighted, all of them. And I seem to remember reading in "What's Going In There?" that they don't focus directly? Because their peripheral vision is better at that age? I can't quite remember, it's been awhile since I read it, but maybe if someone has it they can look it up for you.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

i just read about this in a language book. it is extremely important that you respect her and not force her to look at you. babies can be very easily overwhelmed and look away to handle it.

if you are concerned though it is certainly no issue to talk w/ your doctor about it.


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## newmomrose (Jun 11, 2009)

I think when my DD was about 1 month, she rarely if ever looked at people's faces. It drove my family nuts, and there were lots of jokes about "what's so interesting on that wall??" but now at 4 months she makes eye contact LOTS! But still avoids it sometimes of course if she is tired or overstimulated. I think it's fine!


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmomrose* 
I think when my DD was about 1 month, she rarely if ever looked at people's faces. It drove my family nuts, and there were lots of jokes about "what's so interesting on that wall??" but now at 4 months she makes eye contact LOTS! But still avoids it sometimes of course if she is tired or overstimulated. I think it's fine!









:

My DD wouldn't look at me either. She was so used to seeing me--and the shapes on the walls, the light from the TV/windows, and the ceiling fan were so much more interesting. She's just started looking at me closely in the last couple weeks (she's 18 weeks now).


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## geekgolightly (Apr 21, 2004)

My son was born 4 weeks premature, and spent time in NICU (two weeks), and for the first three months of his life, he would not look at me or anyone else. Only things. I was SO worried that he was going to be autistic. I fretted about that often.

He is five now and interacts well with other kids, and is normal. He is on the shy side of normal, but most definitely normal. He has good friends in his preK, and looks forward to being with them. I have noticed that it takes a while for him to warm up to people, and he also has a difficult time adjusting to change, but he's normal. And happy. And I'm thrilled.

When he was an infant, I decided that because he was so withdrawn maybe he needed me loving him lots, so I carried him in the sling everywhere, didn't force eye contact, but would look at him and tell him I loved him, even when he gave me no eye contact. Talked to him about everything under the sun, sang to him, and also just let him exist in his world but present with me. I read books with him on my lap and watched television, when he seemed to need rest.

After the third or fourth month, he began to attach to me. And kept blossoming form there.

Just keep loving your babe and letting him open up on his own, while giving him all the love nad support you can.


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## luminesce (Aug 6, 2006)

I think you should trust your mommy instincts.

That said, if it were me, I'd probably try to relax and take a wait and see approach for a few months. At one month old, she may just get overstimulated very easily. Our DS did this a bit when he was little and he is now highly interactive and demands our attention constantly.


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