# Daughters and bras



## Amberlogan36 (Jan 19, 2019)

I am still new to this site, but I have a question for moms of daughters. 
I have 2 daughters, ages 15 and 13. As a little background, I myself have a small frame, but have a big chest and don't always wear a bra at home. However, I wear a bra most of the time. Both of my daughters have followed my lead in having a big chest, but they end up rarely wanting to wear a bra and ultimately dont wear one most of the time. What do you guys think about this? I want them to be modest as possible. Also, their bras that they have are appropriately sized.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

I think a lot of women wear a bra out of the house, but not in it. That is no big deal to me. Bras can be uncomfy and I think there might be some health ramifications from constantly wearing a bra, so I am pro moderate use.


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## beedub (Dec 15, 2013)

I have a 10.5 year old who is developing pretty quickly..who is also sensitive to seams and textures of fabrics. Currently will only wear a sports bra around the house (without a shirt) and that's it, haha. I am a fan of tank tops to wear under other shirts, that's what I do as I dislike the restrictive feeling of a bra, although I am not large chested. The spaghetti strap ones with built in bras seem to be a good alternative to regular bra, have you ladies tried those?


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## beedub (Dec 15, 2013)

As for just not wearing a bra, I am all for normalizing stuff like that. It is a slippery slope, talking about modesty and the reasoning behind it. I don't want to crash my daughter's happy, dreamy world with real-world issues like sexual predators, what is considered "sexy" and all that..looking too old for her age based on her outfits. At 13 and 15 though, they may be aware of these issues already. Do they want to be modest? Do they just not like the feeling of having a bra on?


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

beedub said:


> As for just not wearing a bra, I am all for normalizing stuff like that. It is a slippery slope, talking about modesty and the reasoning behind it. I don't want to crash my daughter's happy, dreamy world with real-world issues like sexual predators, what is considered "sexy" and all that..looking too old for her age based on her outfits.


I have found issues around dress and feminism (in the moderate sense of the word) to be huge with me.

I support everyones right to go out as they please (short of plastering hate speech across their chest or wearing clothes that show off genitals) without harassment. Want to wear booty shorts and a tight crop top? Go for it.

OTOH, women are not only sexual objects, so why the need to objectify yourself?

I am not talking about people who dress skimpily because of the weather or even from time to time because they think it looks cute and they feel like it - but women and teens who do it all.the.time.


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## CatherinaM (Feb 10, 2019)

My daughters are about that age too. I leave it to them if they want to wear a bra or not, either inside or outside the house. It turned out that they only wear a sports bra on the days they have PE, other days they don't. I'm fine with that, lots of girls go braless these days so why should my girls be an exception?


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## Amberlogan36 (Jan 19, 2019)

By what my daughters are saying, they like the feel of not having a traditional if you will bra on. They are active with sports now, so I got them both sports bras to see if that will help and so far it has. I even got one for myself and like them so far.
Trust me, I wish I could go without wearing a bra more often, but due to my size, I would have more back problems like i had a few years ago.
The main reason I asked the question about this, I kept seeing and hearing my daughters not wear bras and hearing about them having undue attention paid to tjem because of the constant moving around of their chest and i figured i had better come up with a better solution because my daughters are as big as i am now in the chest and im no where close to small


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## Sustainer (Sep 26, 2002)

I think it's important to leave this up to the girl herself. It should be entirely her choice. I know there can be advantages to wearing a bra, but there are also disadvantages. There is evidence that it might not be healthy to spend too much time wearing one. And of course females should not be made to feel that they have to make themselves look a certain way, especially when it comes to things like breast shaming. I think the bottom line is that it should be a free choice, without anyone putting any pressure on them.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

Amberlogan36 said:


> By what my daughters are saying, they like the feel of not having a traditional if you will bra on. They are active with sports now, so I got them both sports bras to see if that will help and so far it has. I even got one for myself and like them so far.
> Trust me, I wish I could go without wearing a bra more often, but due to my size, I would have more back problems like i had a few years ago.
> The main reason I asked the question about this, I kept seeing and hearing my daughters not wear bras and hearing about them having undue attention paid to tjem because of the constant moving around of their chest and i figured i had better come up with a better solution because my daughters are as big as i am now in the chest and im no where close to small


I have one daughter who has a huge chest. There is nothing you can do about it, and no bra covers the facts she has a huge chest. Yes, she gets undue attention. Some of it is sexual, but some of it is just the way you would notice a large birthmark or something. I know she does not love it, but what can you do? No bra is going to fix being a triple e or whatever size she is. I guess what I am trying to say is if they are large, there is nothing you can do about it...and I am not sure you even should try (there is nothing wrong with being large and we do not want to send the message that they should conceal their size). For whatever reason, these days her taste in bras tends to run towards the pretty.

I would let them choose their own way with bras.


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

As a feminist and someone who feels a moral obligation to oppose arbitrary social rules of control and shaming, I 100% am supportive of anyone not wearing a bra, ever (as well as women going topless where it's considered appropriate for men to be topless.) Yet I still wear one sometimes and am relieved that my girls are wearing bras (though I don't tell them that they need to.) It's not that the bras somehow hide the fact of the existence or size of the breasts (they don't,) as if they are bad in their natural state (they aren't,) but just that so many people are so incredibly judgmental and mean. There are so many things that we get judged for and treated accordingly, and I guess being able to control at least one of those things gives me some degree of comfort in the sense that I can avoid that kind of attention. For myself, I skirt around the issue a bit by wearing clothes that camouflage the shape of my breasts somewhat. For instance, I have this loose dress that has a liner and a kind of embroidered front panel like you see in traditional folk dress, and it's black. So you might guess that I'm not wearing a bra, but it's not really obvious like in a t-shirt, say. I'm so happy whenever I see women not wearing bras in public. Pushing the envelope like that ultimately makes it easier for timid people like me!


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## Tweety_Bird (Feb 6, 2015)

This is a very pertinent article regarding bras: https://wakeup-world.com/2013/11/08/dressed-to-kill-the-link-between-breast-cancer-and-bras/


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## Patty Pagan (Feb 6, 2019)

My daughter's 13 and she's about average for her frame but thanks to homeschooling her for the last year she's gotten in the habit of not wearing a bra at all, I'm afraid she'll get unwanted attention when she does head back to class


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