# stillbirth this week



## OneCatholicMommy (Jan 21, 2002)

Hi, I don't post at mothering.com that often. Our baby girl was stillborn this past week. 22 weeks gestation. Right now I feel at peace but of course emotions go up and down. Her burial is on Tuesday. Thank you for this forum. I've read a lot of these threads over the last two days.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

I'm so sorry for your loss. There's truly nothing more heartbreaking than losing a child.

It sounds like your in shock right now. Grief comes in stages as you'll experience over the coming months. You'll have good days, bad days and horrible days.

Would you like to talk about your daughter here? What did you name her? Did you get a chance to hold her?

Please feel free to share what your comfortable with here. Don't worry about what you say or how you say it. The women here TOTALLY understand the deep grief you're going through and will listen and support you in any way you need.

It's been 9 years since my daughter Amanda was born still. Though the pain and intense grief have softened, I still feel the empty place in my life that she was to fill.

Please remember to take good care of yourself. I know it's hard right now. At times I used to think "what's the use of eating, nothing there to nourish". But, YOU are important! You have a tremendous amount of grief work ahead of you and you've just given birth. Your body and your soul have a great deal of healing to do.

Make sure to keep yourself well hydrated and try to eat small, but healthy meals throughout the day.

Do you have a good support system around you? Please take up any offers for help around the house or a shoulder to cry on. You'll need supportive and loving people around you.

Again, I'm so very sorry about the loss of your daughter. Please feel free to pm or email me any time.


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Jacque has given you all the practical advice that I could think of, but I wanted to repeat that we are all here for support, middle of the night ramblings, whatever you need. Grief does come in stages, and don't be surprised that it goes back and forth, sometimes in a matter of minutes. My daughter was born still 9 months ago at almost 29 weeks, and there are moments that it still takes me by surprise all over again. Fortunately the intensity has blurred somewhat, and I am finally able to take joy in the time that we did get to share. Please feel free to share as much or as little as you are comfortable with and know that the ups and downs will settle over time. Again, I am so sorry for you.

Carrie


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't think of anything more painful than to lose a child. I will keep you in my thought and prayers. Be sure and let us know how you are doing. I agree with the others, it does come in stages.

Be sure and let others know if you need anything. It is a real struggle for family members to not know what to do to help and want to very badly.


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## Gemini (Apr 9, 2003)

Oh boy...I'm soooooo sorry...at a loss for words.

I hope you have a good network of support.

Take care of yourself.


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

OneCatholicMommy--

I wish there was a better way I could comfort you. Please know my heart goes out to you. There is much love and support here on this board, please feel free to post as often as you need support. Two to three months after my son was stillborn in November, I posted several crazy-with-grief posts! I have always received much compassion and support here.

I just don't know what else to say. I am so deeply sorry. Please check back in soon and let us know how you're doing. I will be thinking of you and your family on Tuesday.

Much love to you,
Katherine


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## EmmalinesMom (Feb 9, 2003)

I am so, so sorry for you daughter.







I'll be thinking about you tomorrow as you lay her to rest.


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

I'm sorry I wish I had something comforting to say








The loss of a child is so hard


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## Mutherluv (Apr 19, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for your family. Please continue to write about your feelings, it really does help.


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## mom2mygirls (Nov 10, 2002)

Iam so sorry for your loss my prayers are with you and your family.

Christina


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## OneCatholicMommy (Jan 21, 2002)

OK, how bad of me....I never thank you for your responses. I am doing well. Her due date was Sept. 11, and that was hard. I'm still getting those stupid ads in the mail "Congrats on your new baby," free formula and coupons, and stuff like that. It hurts me. But luckily I have a friend who can use the formula! I actually called up a photo studio the other day..... they had sent me a "Congratulations on your new baby " and proceeded to list their portrait packages. I called them up and said, with tears and a shaky voice, that my baby had been stillborn and getting letters like this really HURT! (then I hung up)

We named our baby Gabrielle ( means "God is my strength") She was buried in the same site as my grandfather, who died in 1990. Someday I will look into marking the site w/ a little plaque.

Anyway, thanks again! (PS expecting another baby!)


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

OCM, thank you for comming back. I've been thinking about you. Due dates and other anniversary dates can be very hard









Gabrielle is a BEAUTIFUL name.

How are you feeling with the new pregnancy? We opened up a new sub-forum here for Pregnancy after Loss. You may want to go over and read some of the threads and take part in them. It's amazing how many momma's have gone through terrible losses and now, the birth of a new child.

I hope you're feeling well.


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss, and congrats on your pregnancy!







T I just saw a one-man play called I HATE THIS written by a man who's baby was stillborn...it's about the labor, birth, and the year after. There is a big part of the play involving the father calling Gerber repeatedly to get their name off of the "Congrats on the New Baby!!!" list...apparently, it took something like 7 angry calls. How sad for families who have had a loss to find stuff like that in their mailbox.








The play, by the way was incredible...poignant, lovely, and heartbreaking.

Blessings!


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Katie, do you have any more info on this play? It' sounds WONDERFUL!

Yes, it's SO hard getting all thoes coupons and samples! The day we found out my daughter died we came home to pack a hospital bag and there was a Dr. Suess book in the mailbox - a fee sample for the 'little one on the way'. Oh this hurt!

Also, thoes Pampers commercials REALLY got to me!


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

Ok, I did a search....this is the play's website.
A local actor in Cleveland, OH wrote this play. I heard about it by word-of-mounth. There was a one-night only performance sponsored by the CNMs in Ohio last week. He has also performed it at the Minnesota Fringe Festival. Here is a review of the show.

The tagline of the show is, "There is no word for the parent of a dead child." As in, we aren't thought of as "parents" in society, we aren't widows or widowers...what are we to them..?

Anyway, check out the website..I think you can see if there are any upcoming tours, too.


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## lestouffer (Jul 2, 2002)

I am sorry for your loss. I have lost 2 sons ata bout that age (one 9/30/99 at 22 weeks) and one (11/01/02) at 21 weeks. It is not easy.

I get some email which sends me an up to date "development" of my child (who was due March 2003), I went to change the due date to my latest (12/03) and it was already there. I am not sure what to do as its OK in the system, certainly a glitch. My child isnot only not 8 months old, it isn't even born yet......good grief.

The other thing that annoys me (from another thread) is the fact that one of my closest friends who held my hands at the still birth of my first son still wants to have a baby shower at 8 weeks pregnant. This is her second, her husbands first and I guess as she was a single teenage mother the first time around, it feels good to be "legit", but she of all people should realize that things can go terribly wrong.

Sorry, had to vent........


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## Mutherluv (Apr 19, 2003)

Lestouffer, i just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your upcomming delivery. I lost one baby to still birth, and that was hard, I can't imagine two. Please keep us up to date on the birth of your new baby girl. As for the vent, no one knows better then me about baby shower disasters, my shower party became the wake for my baby. After suffering through that, my mother planned my shower for my son Angelo 6weeks after he was born. I have never felt the same about having or attending a shower. Good luck in the upcomming weeks


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## WarriorqueenBea (Oct 7, 2003)

So sorry about your loss. Gabrielle is a beutifull name!
Bea


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## OneCatholicMommy (Jan 21, 2002)

hi again

May 9 (Mother's Day, of all days...grrr) will be one year since our daughter was stillborn. I just want to hibernate...stay at home w/ my husband and kids. My family...who has always been supportive...do not understand this....I think because I am pregnant and due very soon (6 more weeks) I don't even know if I want to hibernate every year on that date but it is important to me now this year. If you pray, would you pls pray for a peaceful mother's day.....not only for me but for my mom, m-i-l, grandma, and aunts? Thank you.

PS I am not expecting my husband to shun his own mother on this date. But I just don't want to go anywhere or do anything.


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## SamuraiEarthMama (Dec 3, 2002)

dear OneCatholicMommy,

my dear friend's beautiful daughter was stillborn on mother's day six years ago. she also had another lovely daughter three years ago, but i know mother's day will always and forever be bittersweet for her.

i would never expect her to "get over it." i hope your family finds the compassion and kindness you need to support you (or at least the wisdom to just leave you alone, if they can't be supportive!).

i will be thinking of you, and my friend, and both of your precious babes, this weekend.

warmly,

katje


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## doulamomvicki (Nov 4, 2003)

Prayers on the way!


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

My thoughts will be with you and Gabrielle.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Sending lots of love your way...I truly am sorry for your loss.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Being Mother's Day, you should get to do what you want to, and if that means hibernating, then you hibernate.

I'm so sorry you lost Gabrielle. I will say a prayer for you on Sunday.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss. Do what you need to do and if people can't understand and render a little compassion and mercy that is thier problem. I will be praying for you and your family. many blessing in your upcoming birth.


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