# spinoff--paying for college for your kids?



## boodafli (May 28, 2005)

if you are, why? if you are not, why not?


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

We're saving toward it, but the most we'll probably be able to cover is a few semesters, or for them to live at home and attend community college for a few years.

Which is more than my folks could do for me! And so I have not finished my degree-- by the time I was finished earning my college money through Uncle Sam, I was pregnant.

DH's parents DID pay for his college. And so he does have a B.A, and makes more money than I could. It has far-reaching repercussions, eh?

I think it makes him sad and worried that we probably won't be able to do that for our kids, unless we really buckle down. He talks about reducing our retirement savings to make up the difference, but I think that is very, very unwise.

I'd rather the kids scramble, take on massive debt, get second jobs, sell themselve to Uncle Sam, etc, for their own self-improvement than for them to get stuck doing the same stuff to keep us afloat in our old age.

At least I think they will resent the former less than the latter.


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## rabrog (Dec 20, 2005)

We will pay for as much as we can and are saving for it.

We have been paying off a moutain ($30K+) of DH's loans for almost 10 years to the tune of $400+ a month. His parents absolutely could not help him so it was all done on loans.

I don't want my kids to have to do that. We'll look so what scholarships we can get, of course, but would like to do as few loans as possible.

Jenn


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## ani'smommy (Nov 29, 2005)

Yes, we will pay for as much as we can. Probably not all of it, depending on where our kids choose to go to school. My parents helped me and I am so grateful to them for that.


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

we're saving as much as possible-if they don't decide to go to college we'll reassess and see about using it to help them launch into whatever else they have planned. but if they do go to college we'd definitely like to pay as much as we can, and will also look into whatever scholarships would be possible.

I didn't pay for school-and took it for granted. Dh put himself through school on scholarships and working for his expenses-and it was no fun for him. Seems like we'd like to strike a balance-not having them feel overwhelmed with pressure, yet teaching them to respect what we're doing.


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## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

As of now, no. We just don't have it like that. I know to some this is going to sound horrible, but it's not the highest thing on my priority list. Don't get me wrong, I very much so want my children to attend college. So much, in fact, that I'm willing to let them continue to live here RENT FREE, meals included, the entire time they attend. And if they're a little short one semester and we have the money, we'll definately help out. But I don't see why my kids can't afford to pay their own way through college if they have no rent, utilities, or groceries to buy. I would think they would be able to maintain some sort of job while going to school. There are also loans and scholorships out there.


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## mightymoo (Dec 6, 2003)

Yes, we have saved for our kids college educations and I will be willing to pay most of their tuition for a state school. Why? Because my parents did that for me (mostly) and because I think its easier to get ahead in life if you aren't starting off below zero. I will however make them pay at least some of it and they will have to earn their own spending money, becuase I believe they need to have some skin in the game too.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

no. we can't afford it as of yet but even if we could i don't know if we would. this is going to sound awful but we honestly feel that it won't kill them to work for their college education. we have a good number of friends who were put through college and have no respect for it. it was always a given and still is so they just slack off and do whatever. we might pay for a bit but definitly not all. they will always have room and board from us while in school, though.


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## ani'smommy (Nov 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeannie81* 
. But I don't see why my kids can't afford to pay their own way through college if they have no rent, utilities, or groceries to buy. I would think they would be able to maintain some sort of job while going to school. There are also loans and scholorships out there.

I think most colleges are much more expensive now than they used to be. I went to the same college that my parents went to, and while they could work through the summer to make the money to pay for the next year, there is no way I could have made that kind of money. I couldn't have paid for one year working ALL the summers.


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## dimibella (Feb 5, 2007)

We are saving as much as we can, but our plan is also for the kids to have part time jobs when they turn 16 and contribute a certain % from each paycheck. My parents offered to pay for all 3 of our college educations, I got a full scholarship to school, my twin brother accepted money only for books and my little brother who has some learning road blocks and can't work full time and do well in school, contributes what he can after rent and utilities. Our parents raised us with strong work ethics and I hope to do the same for my children.


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

I was lucky in that my parents paid for all of my college education... including grad school. It left me without the huge financial burden that many of my friends still have. I worked on-campus for spending money, but that was it. I'd like to think I could do the same for my kids, but no idea if we'll be able to afford it. We have enrolled in a pre-paid tuition program that guarantees them 4 years of State school... so I'm hoping that we can at least offer that.

I think I'd encourage my kids to work for a year or two before entering undergrad, though. I appreciated grad school so much more than undergrad.... and part of it had to do with living on my own, supporting myself, etc. I also think they might have more direction as to what they want to study... or at least what they don't want to do in life.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'm probably not going to because I won't have the resources to do so. We're barely making ends meet now, there's absolutely nothing to put into savings.

If I had the means, I would definitely pay their tuition so they'd enter the workforce without huge student loans to pay back.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

I am not sure exactly. We are putting money away every month. Far more than most parents, I imagine. But if dd attends college, it will be in 15+ years. College costs have more than doubled in the last 15 years and all predictions are saying the same will occur in the next 15 years. So, even with what we are putting aside, I am guessing that it will not be nearly enough. So despite giving all of the help we can, I suspect dd will still be responsible for a good chunk of it.

OTOH, dh and I both put ourselves through school with no help, scholarships, grants, or anything. We both did have loans and graduated with a combined $50K in the hole. We resolved to continue to live like college students until the debt was paid off. With both of us working full time and continuing our modest lifestyle, we had all of it paid off within 2.5 years. And that was while living in one of the most expensive areas in the U.S. We literally sent in 2/3 of our income each month forgoing cable, eating out, and new clothing. I do think it is quite possible and not too crippling to learn that lesson early on. Many of our friends and fellow grads felt compelled to blow money on brand new cars, clothes, new houses, etc......and to this day still complain about their loans. I also feel that we valued our educational opportunities far more than we would have had it been handed to us by our parents.


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## oddeebean (Feb 11, 2005)

Yes. We are paying for their college. I cannot imagine being 18 and having thousands of dollars in debt already, its way too hard. Their end of the bargain is having a part time job to pay for "fun" extra stuff and getting at least a 3.2 GPA.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oddeebean* 
Yes. We are paying for their college. I cannot imagine being 18 and having thousands of dollars in debt already, its way too hard. Their end of the bargain is having a part time job to pay for "fun" extra stuff and getting at least a 3.2 GPA.

Will that GPA requirement be flexible with degree program? I was one of the better/responsible/organized students I knew in college, but I had a 3.1 GPA. Studying more would not have helped. I can honestly say I did "my best". My degrees are in engineering. As a (now) engineering instructor and (former) academic advisor I will say that it is the very rare student in science and engineering that can pull a 3.2 every semester.


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## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ani'smommy* 
I think most colleges are much more expensive now than they used to be. I went to the same college that my parents went to, and while they could work through the summer to make the money to pay for the next year, there is no way I could have made that kind of money. I couldn't have paid for one year working ALL the summers.

Well I guess if you only work for 3 months out of the year during the summer, then yeah, it might be hard to pay for. Everyone I know has paid their own way through college (that went, that is) and my SIL is currently paying her own way through. She goes to a decent college full time and lives at home with MIL. She seems to be doing fine.


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

DH and I neither one believe in paying their way through college. If we are still living in this house then, they will have free room and board as long as they're in school, but they will have to pay for the school themselves. We are within public transit distance of 6 or 8 public and private institutions, so it's not like they'd be that limited in choices. But, if they don't want to go to school, they will be paying rent.

We do not believe in the necessity of entering college immediately after HS, either, though. I entered college at the age of 16 and now at 30 still don't have a Bachelor's to show for it (I paid off my last student loan last year). I decided to stop wasting my money until I could figure out what I truly wanted to do with my education. DH entered college immediately after his stint in the army, he's several years older than me and also does not have a degree (we're still paying on his loans). At this point in our lives, if we get degrees it is because we want them, we've worked for them and have achieved it. Not because we've BS'd our way through 4 years of classes on mommy and daddy's mealticket, and now have a piece of paper that means nothing, and no idea of how the world actually works. I've seen too many people fall into that trap.

Life requires work. I believe in teaching our children that. It may seem harsh to some, but it's reality.


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## oddeebean (Feb 11, 2005)

For my kids, 3.2 GPA at the minimum for anything. I figure that since we are paying for everything, most of their time should be spent studying. I'm not paying for them to go to a great party for 4 years. If she choose engineering we would have taken that into consideration, but she's chosen anthropology so I expect excellent grades since she comes from a family of anthropologists.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

We're saving for DD's college. We started a fund when she was born and we put a set amount into it every month. I don't know if we can fund her entire college bill but we'll do our best. My DH had to put himself through college. His parents refused to pay a dime. All his books, his rent, his tuition..everything he needed during those years was paid by him, partial scholarships, and a huge student loan. He graduated over ten years ago and we're still paying off the loan! We're lucky that my parents paid for my college otherwise we'd be paying two big lstudent oans on top of our mortgage and I don't think we would be able to swing that. I don't know when we'll be paying off DH's student loans (he has consolidated them so at least that saves some money) but I sure don't want *my* child to go through this. Some debt is a fact of life but with college costs expected to be $100,000/year and more in the future, I don't want DD to start off her adult life with a $400,000 loan hanging over her head. I'm not passing judgement on anyone else's choices. This is a personal decision based on our life and the state of our finances. My two cents...


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

I would love to help my children finance their college educations and will do what I can. They'll also have to work/get scholorships/get grants/take out loans.


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)

I will do what I can to help my kids through college. My ILs have accounts for them as well.

I didn't get help from my parents (it just wasn't possible). My DH had his college paid by his parents. I would prefer my kids have my DH's experience as opposed to my own.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

I really want to , this is something DP and I have talked about before. I hope that when my kids are in school and I am working again we can save the money that will be needed. Neither of us had parents that would/could pay for our college, and neither of us felt the kind of support from our families we would have thrived under. Neither of us completed our degrees. So to us, being supportive both emotionally and financially is very important.


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## anubis (Oct 6, 2006)

I'm planning to try my best to convince them to move to my home country where education is free







If that doesn't work out, they'll probably have to take out a loan, we'll most likely still be too busy paying off DP's one.


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

We are saving for our daughter's college, with the intention of paying the equivalent tuition for a state/public university. So, if tution is 10,000/yr (I know inflation will increase it, but, just for fun), we'll pay 40,000 toward her education.

Anything beyond that she pays for herself.

If she gets a scholarship, we'll give her the money we planned for her tuition to her upon graduation as a gift.

If she gets free/reduced tuition b/c of my husband's status (he's got a Purple Heart, which, at this point, qualifies her for free/reduced tuition in some states if we're residents), we will again give her the money upon graduation.

If she decides to not go to college. Mom and Dad will be cashing in the 529, taking the penalty, and going on a very nice vacation.

Why pay? I believe deeply in higher education, and I don't think cost should be a barrier, nor do I think she should have to spend 10 years + paying off her loan...life's hard enough, and I don't think she should be penalized for wanting to educate herself. I think you can get a very good education at a public college (I did), and I don't think "private" schools are all they're jacked up to be, so, I'm not willing to spring for 40,000+/yr, but I'm more than willing to provide adequate funds for a state-run institution.


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## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oddeebean* 
Yes. We are paying for their college. I cannot imagine being 18 and having thousands of dollars in debt already, its way too hard. Their end of the bargain is having a part time job to pay for "fun" extra stuff and getting at least a 3.2 GPA.

Pretty much the same here.

My parents agreed to pay for one year of college for me. (They could have afforded to pay for more; I was the only one out of 4 who attended college and my parents had plenty of money.) When my one year was up, I got married and got a full time job. I've worked full time every day of my life since then.

I want my daughter to have better. I want her to have time to think only about herself; time to learn about the world and about herself without any other worries. I wish parents had done as much for me.


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## ferretfan (Nov 13, 2005)

nope. noone ever handed me anything on a plate like that, i paid my own way as an UG and through grad school. dh paid for his own tuition partly by working through college.

if dd wants to go she's going to have to foot the bill herself. if she asks for financial help we wont flat out refuse, but she's going to have to have a good reason/set of goals, and not just want to go because it's what her peers are doing, and it's 'expected'.


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## gratefulmum (Oct 17, 2003)

My sister is a financial advisor, so she set up an account for our dd's college fund. I'm sure we would not have done it (at least not this early) on our own. That being said, I have no idea how much money we will actually have saved by the time she's 18, especially with the rising cost of university.
Why do we keep it? I never finished college due to working full time and having no parental support. My husband also couldn't afford trade school and so we are both on the lower end of the payscale and too damn smart for that! I want to be able to help dd more.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

We will pay for four years at one of our state's excellent public institutions. I don't want my kids to start out in debt. It is hard enough starting out.

It would be nice to be able to pay for them to go wherever, but we wouldn't be able to do that and fund our own retirements. I'm limiting it to four years because I want them to focus on a program of study and complete it. I work at a university and see too many kids who don't and end up taking at least a full extra year to finish. If they want to do that, it's on their dime.

Our parents paid for dp and I to go to college. It was the best gift they could have given us. I wouldn't have had children if I though we couldn't afford to do this for them. It is too important to me.


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## swimswamswum (Oct 26, 2005)

If we can afford it, we will absolutely pay for our kids' college (as long as they get decent grades).

My parents paid for mine and I am eternally grateful. DH had scholarships and fellowships. We are so much better off than almost all of our friends who are drowning in student loan debt.

I am hoping that one of us gets a faculty position at a university that offers our children free tuition. That would be wonderful. I really don't want my kids to be drowning in debt. I also want them to pick majors that they love, rather than studying what makes money. Careers are important, but I feel strongly that college is about much more than getting a job.


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## PrettyBird (Jun 19, 2005)

Absolutely! This was one of the factors when planning to have children. I want her to have the best start in life.

If we did not pay for college our income would count against her for financial aid. I had a boyfriend in college whose financial aid got reduced to zero because his mom got married. They counted his stepfather's income against him even though they never gave him a dime. I would not do that to her!


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## glendora (Jan 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gratefulmum* 
Why do we keep it? I never finished college due to working full time and having no parental support.

Yeah, that.

I'd say that if you're going to set up the expectation that they get good grades _for college_, in particular, then it's ridiculous to the point of emotionally cruel to tell a 17/18 year old to do it on their own.

Edited to add:

I was third in my class. The "there are scholarships" line is _total baloney_ for most people, and if anyone is telling their kids to depend on scholarships, stop it. It's a pipe dream.

And, the pell grant situation is nearly as bad. I only got through as much as I did, because I _got married_ at 17 and didn't have to count my parent's income. And, that was with a cheap-o state school.


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## PiePie (Oct 2, 2006)

yes, in fact we won't have more kids than we can provide with the college of their choosing...that's what our parents did for us. i am constantly reassured that dh and i agree on this.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

When my parents went to college, back in the '60s, education was a priority for this country. Anyone could go to almost any state university for almost nothing. Our state University was under a $100 per semester for tuition including books for a full-time student (that's be less than $400 in today's dollars). Today it costs around $10,000 a year.







:

It's sad that education is not the priority it used to be. Everyone that wants to go to college should be able to.

I'm sure my kids will want to go to college, and we will do everything we can to make that happen for them. I'm hoping they get some scholarships, and they'll have to get some loans, I'm sure. We'll help all we can.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Yes to a degree. So far we have a few savings bonds for DS and he has won a few on his own for art contests but nothing else. If DH retires from the military(and as of now we expect him to) they can go to dh home of state or the state he retires in tuition free. Which would leave us with room and board. I do expect us to swing that. I fully expect my children to help out to some degree. I received a partial academic scholarship to help pay for mine and I see no reason the kids can't do the same. I don't expect them to pay for it all just to try their best at finding their greatness and helping use that later, lol.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glendora* 
I was third in my class. The "there are scholarships" line is _total baloney_ for most people, and if anyone is telling their kids to depend on scholarships, stop it. It's a pipe dream.

Yeah, pretty much. Virtually all the scholarships I've seen are like, 500 bucks here or 250 there, not much when you consider that tuition alone is ten or twenty times that number.


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## swimswamswum (Oct 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eightyferrettoes* 
Yeah, pretty much. Virtually all the scholarships I've seen are like, 500 bucks here or 250 there, not much when you consider that tuition alone is ten or twenty times that number.

I don't think that's always the case. My DH was offered those types of scholarships at prestigious private colleges, but received a full ride at a decent public university. I have two cousins who also received full rides at decent public universities. These people are extreme smarty pants (near perfect standardize test scores and 4.0 GPAs), but those sorts of scholarships to exist.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

We will pay for books, and misc. stuff. We will allow our children to live with us rent free. We will provide clothing, food, pay car insurance, cell phone etc. throughout college. If they go to a community college/state school, we will help what we can with tuition. If they want to dorm or go to a private school, they can pay for all of it. I am not opposed to taking out loans for our kids, but not huge ones. My dh and myself had to pay for our own educations and work through college. We both appreciated our educations and did very well in school, since we worked for them. We had a combined debt of about $65,000. It took 10 years to completely pay off both of our loans. There are ways of going to school if you really want to. I could have gone for 100% free if I would have committed myself to work in a certain place for 2 years post graduation. But I didn't want to do that, so I paid. If someone wants to go bad enough, they can find a program like that. (MANY nursing homes offer programs like that.)


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## glendora (Jan 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swimswamswum* 
I don't think that's always the case. My DH was offered those types of scholarships at prestigious private colleges, but received a full ride at a decent public university. I have two cousins who also received full rides at decent public universities. These people are extreme smarty pants (near perfect standardize test scores and 4.0 GPAs), but those sorts of scholarships to exist.

Okay, but what's that do for your 3.9 kid?

'Cause that was me. 3.98. AP. Extra curriculars. Trailer trash. The whole nine yards.

For bupkiss. I got 180 dollars total in scholarships.

It's better to tell your kid that you just don't care if they go, than it is to tell them to depend on scholarship money.


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

jeca said:


> If DH retires from the military(and as of now we expect him to) they can go to dh home of state or the state he retires in tuition free. QUOTE]
> 
> Have not heard of this! Can you provide more info/links on this?


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Nope...we don't have the money to set back for our crew. We have talked to them from fairly early on about needing to really work hard in school b/c they will need scholarships to help pay for college. They are also looking at the idea of sports scholarships. My daughter is really loving basketball and wants to get a scholarship.

I got a full-ride scholarship for college (though I ended up dropping out after a year) and didn't have a really high GPA. I don't recall it anymore, but I placed 32/122 in my graduating class.


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## edamommy (Apr 6, 2004)

I am very happy to say that my ds's college is already paid for. He has a substantial trust all his when he turns 18 from my MIL.

If it were not for that we would do whatever we could to make sure he could go to school


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glendora* 
For bupkiss. I got 180 dollars total in scholarships.


My partial academic scholarship was for $2500. My book scholarship was $300. This was to a historically black private college.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

katheek77 said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *jeca*
> ...


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## Jennisee (Nov 15, 2004)

We will pay for as much as we can, hopefully all. DH and I put ourselves through college, but tuition has doubled since them--FAR, FAR outpacing inflation. Saying, "I did it, so you can, too," is simply not going to be reasonable. College continues to become less affordable, at the same time that it becomes more necessary, and I would prefer that my children not enter their adult lives with crushing debt. (And my little brother, for whom I'm also saving money.)


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

For all you Minnesotan moms:

http://http://education.state.mn.us/...SEO/index.html

Quote:

PSEO offers high school juniors and seniors (whether currently in public, nonpublic, or home schools) the opportunity to take courses at eligible post-secondary institutions. Students *must meet the admissions requirements* of the post-secondary institution, but *do not pay for tuition, fees, or books*.

And more specifically, there is a grant program for all students graduating from any public or charter school in St. Paul and Minneapolis, MN. It is called the *Power of You*. It will pay for the first two years at a couple different community and technical colleges or also the first two years at a four year univerity. I don't know if it will still be around when my dd or ds is graduating but gawd do I hope it is!

http://www.minneapolis.edu/powerofyou/index.html

Quote:

* *The Power of YOU will enable you to attend college tuition-free.*

* Advising and support services will be provided to help you be successful in your college coursework.

* If you begin the Power of YOU at MCTC, Saint Paul College or Metropolitan State University, you may be eligible for merit-based scholarships to continue on to earn a baccalaureate (four-year) degree at Metropolitan State University.

DS is still only 8 years so we are a ways out for him and college. DD already knows that we'd like her to use the PSOE program, assuming she wants to do it too. After that, she will apply for the fafsa grants (www.fafsa.ed.gov) that currently pays about $4200/year for qualifying students (translation: for students who parents are poor... efc=0). She will not get the full amount but should get some.

I can not say for the future, but currently she is on the A honor roll. I hope in high school she is able to keep her GPA up thus qualifying her for *academic scholarships/grants*.

Depending on how she does in sports, there could be an *athletic scholarship*. Those are getting cut back as of late so I am not holding my breath on that. I also do not want her to focus on that at the expense of academics.

In addition, she could get *scholarships/grants based on the fact she is a poc*.

Dd would like to be a doctor so I am praying to patch together as much money from outside sources. What is not covered by them, she will have to either get loans and/work. IIRC, working on campus would not count against her fafsa money so that will be what I suggest to her.

Can you tell I am sincerely hoping that both dc will be able to do college on the cheap







There just seems to be so much avaliable in grants and scholarships I am hoping to piece enough of them together to cover most if not all of the cost


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## Learnintolaugh (Nov 9, 2006)

Probably not. It just isn't looking like we'll be able to afford to. However, a lot can happen in 13 years, so maybe we'll be able to help out a bit. I hadn't considered the possibility of letting them live rent free at home as being a way of helping out, but I can see that being a big help so thanks to those who mentioned it.

DH and I both paid for the majority of our education, via a combination of scholarships, Pell Grants and loans (and work study/regular jobs). I think we were richer for the experience than we might have been if it were handed to us, but with the rising costs of education what was merely difficult for us may be all but impossible for our kids.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I don't know if we will be able to afford our dc's tuition but if we can I would love to help them pay for their education. We are just barely starting out ourselves--dh has one year of college left and only just started his career. Saving for college isn't on the radar for us right now--we're still saving for groceries at this point--but hopefully once we are a little older and more established it will be a possibility. Although, when dh finally does graduate we are going to have a MOUNTAIN, and I do mean a mountain, of student loan debt of our own to pay off. Thank goodness I didn't bring any student loan debt into our marriage.


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

Well, I have no clue where I'll be financially in 15 years, but my inclination is to say that while I'll support her going to school, she'll probably have to pay for it herself. And I'll encourage her to be independent before she does. Maybe even do what I did and (to paraphrase a previous poster) sell herself to Uncle Sam. Assuming Congress doesn't come along and wipe out the Montgomery G.I. Bill or re-instate the draft and take money away from College Fund enlistment bonuses between now and then.

Or, if she doesn't want to join the military, there's Americorps. And the Peace Corps to help pay off any loans she incurs (what I'd be doing now if I didn't have her--heck, maybe I'll join with her!).

What's more, I'll likely go back to (grad) school when she's (and future children are) older so may be in school myself and very likely will still have a pile of loans to pay off.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Ya know, maybe it's because I am use to paying for dd's private school just as my parents did for me, that I am very willing to anty up when I say going to college is important. Granted, I am hoping they receive money from outside sources but if not, we will find a way to get them through college.

FTR, I would be willing to pay for other ways that they feel they could get training for their passions/jobs. For example, if ds turns out to have a musical talent and wants to study under a master, I find a way to make that happen.

I feel it is my duty, my last duty as their mother, to see that they have the opportunity at college or other apprentice-like training. From there on, we meet as something between old friends and equals, iykwim


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

We are going to try and pay as much as we can. Our parents paid for both of our undergraduate tuition costs. They wanted to do it because my parents both had to work their way through college and didn't want us to have to do that, and DH's parents paid their own way through full academic scholarships. They were able to do this in part because THEIR parents contributed to our college funds. So I guess it's a big tradition in our family. Both DH and I paid our own way through grad school. He took on loans, which are now paid off, and I worked in the summers and had a scholarship and stipend during the academic year.

With the rising costs of college tuition, I don't know if we will be able to pay our children's tuition in full. Costs have gone up significantly since I went to college (1994), even more so since DH graduated (1986). We both make less than our fathers did. But we are going to do our best. Our parents have told us that they would like to contribute to the college funds (as their parents did), so hopefully amortization will be on our side and we can get a good chunk set aside for them.

One of the things my parents said is that were happy to pay for our tuition in cash because they knew that doing so meant that there was more loan and scholarship money to go around for families that couldn't afford it. That's another reason I'd like to pay for college if we can. DH and I are both recipients of a lot of good fortune and circumstances, and if we can make things easier for someone else, I won't feel bad about paying so much for tuition.

The other possibility is that much of our DC's tuition could be paid by my current employer. I'm on faculty at a private university, and one of my benefits is that if my children get into this university, they can go for free. If they decide to go somewhere else, the university will pay up to the cost of its own tuition. It's an incredible benefit, but totally at the discretion of the university to give or take. So it's possible I could work there for 20 years and then they could decide to discontinue the benefit. So it's not something I'm counting on. If it's there when our kids decide to go to college, I'm sure we'll be able to find a use for the money we've saved!


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glendora* 
I was third in my class. The "there are scholarships" line is _total baloney_ for most people, and if anyone is telling their kids to depend on scholarships, stop it. It's a pipe dream.

And, the pell grant situation is nearly as bad. I only got through as much as I did, because I _got married_ at 17 and didn't have to count my parent's income. And, that was with a cheap-o state school.

I totally agree with you. I went to college as an adult in my mid 20's, kept a 3.86 GPA and still didn't get more than a few bucks here and there in scholarships. (and I am also a minority for what its worth







, so much for getting that free ride) I am now over 100K in student loan debts for both my undergrad and grad degrees.

My son will be heading off to college in 3 years so this subject is on my mind, I will pay as much as I can towards his schooling. I am divorced from his Dad, so the legal deal per our divorce decree is that we split the costs.

My current dh on the other hand his folks paid his undergrad degree from a pretty pricey school and unlike me he has never floundred career wise. My folks were pretty much of the we raise you until 18 and then you are on your own camp and frankly it sucked and its why I was married at 18, and had my son at 19 and was in college at 27.

I want better for my kids, and ideally I don't want to see them making bad choices because they lack education or making choices because they are in debt for student loans.

Shay


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## BookishVonLiberal (Feb 24, 2007)

We've been contributing to a 529 plan since dd was born. I hope to at least be able to pay for an undergraduate degree at a public school.
I don't want her to take on massive debt when she's so young. I also am highly suspicious that federal lending programs for higher education will exist at all when she's 18-25.
My parents paid for my college, dp's didn't. DP's loans were a huge burden on us when we got married, same with BIL and SIL.
We have the means to do it, so we will.
If she doesn't use the money, we'll find some other kid to send to college.


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## gamecaco4 (Sep 15, 2006)

We plan on paying for what we can. Right now, we arent in a position to put much away earmarked for college, but if all goes as planned, over the next few years, we should be able to comfortably put more away every month.


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## Selesai (Oct 26, 2005)

We won't be paying for my SS's college (he is 11) but I hope we can at least help pay for room and board for our children. To be honest, we haven't really talked about it.
My worry is this. I have six figures of school debt (mostly from grad school) that I will take 30 years to pay off. DH has no retirement, and likely won't. My children will be in and out of college before my own debt is paid off. If I don't help them with college, which I understand is more expensive now than when i went though I did go to a public in state school and had scholarships, I feel that I'm perpetuating the cycle. My kids will likely have debt that THEY won't pay off before THEIR kids go to college, and the entire cycle will repeat itself. I actually think I am one of the first generations to confront this problem, and it frustrates and perplexes me.

At the least, I want to make sure my kids get something valuable from their education, and that whatever investment we/they make is worthwhile. I sometimes think my ugrad education went by too fast, and I am not sure if I would get my grad degree if I had it to do over. I want them to be more sure than I was. Then any resultant debt might be easier to eat.

Sorry for the long-winded response!


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## Verity (Aug 29, 2003)

Yes, as much as possible. It is one reason I am torn these days about continuing to be a SAHM. I know that going back to work would be a huge lifestyle change and major stress for us, but I so much want my kids to have options when it comes to college. I want them to have choices other than in-state, public schools.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

I am EXTREMELY close to this situation. My daughter goes to college this fall. She has chosen a state university in the next state, and her tuition, room & board, books and estimated expenses total about $17K/year, which I consider to be quite reasonable. In-state tuition in our own state is nearly the same, and she would be even farther away from home. The private college in our town would cost $19K just for tuition. Her scholarships totaled $2500. That's it. And truly, there is no job that a student can get here that would come close to paying for school. There are some full-ride scholarships to be had, but I don't know anyone who got one who didn't have a 4.0 GPA.

My son starts college in Fall, '08. We have encouraged him to look at state schools (maybe even the one his sister is going to attend), and to pursue every single scholarship opportunity. We will take out the loans for the first two years of college, and will re-evaluate then. If they can finish the last two years of school with a manageable debt load, they will take the loans for the last two years. If not, we will. They will each work while in college to help with their miscellaneous expenses, but if at all possible I don't want them to have to bear the entire burden for their educations.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

We are putting aside enough for her to go to a state school. If she wants to go private, she's going to have to hope for scholarships (unless something crazy happens and we have enough to cover that).

I didn't get any financial help for college and ended up in TONS of student loan debt. I worked at least two jobs at all times and my grades really suffered because I was sliding by in the hours I had left over after working. I will not do this to my kids if I can help it.

I don't think anyone is obligated to pay for their children's university but it's something that is very important to us.


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## nina_yyc (Nov 5, 2006)

We started an RESP with our Universal Child Care Benefit money. $100/month isn't gonna buy a whole lot of child care, so we're going to try to live without it. If we can keep saving it until she's 6 and we don't get it anymore, it should earn interest until she's 18 and get her a good start.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

If your kids are Harvard material:

_A record applicant pool of 22,955 applied to Harvard College this year, resulting in a number of new milestones. Traditional admission letters (and e-mails) were sent today (March 29) to 9 percent (2,058) of the pool, the lowest admit rate in Harvard's history. In addition, the Class of 2011 entering this coming September will be the most economically diverse to date, with an estimated 26 percent eligible for Harvard's new Financial Aid Initiative (HFAI) for low- and middle-income families, which *requires no contributions from those with annual incomes under $60,000 and a reduced contribution for those from $60,000 to $80,000.*_


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## TheDivineMissE (Mar 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boodafli* 
if you are, why? if you are not, why not?

We have savings accounts for both kids and are now starting thier long term college plan thingies - the ones where you lock in the tuition rate and pay a certain amount every month until they're in school.

If they choose not to go to college that money will be thiers to do with what they will. We are doing this because our parents weren't able to do it for us. We also feel that if they get degrees right out of high school, perhaps they won't be playing catch-up with their education in thier 30's like we are.

However, it's not going to be a free ride, either. I want to make sure that my kids are aware that they have to work hard for anything they want. So they'll be required to contribute to thier college expenses too. I started paying rent and utilities when I was 16 - I don't think I'll be taking it that far with my girls, but I think sharing some of the costs will be appropriate.

That said, since I haven't done this before, everything is subject to change.


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## Jennisee (Nov 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnysideup* 
If your kids are Harvard material it's free if the students parents make under $60,000:

_A record applicant pool of 22,955 applied to Harvard College this year, resulting in a number of new milestones. Traditional admission letters (and e-mails) were sent today (March 29) to 9 percent (2,058) of the pool, the lowest admit rate in Harvard's history. In addition, the Class of 2011 entering this coming September will be the most economically diverse to date, with an estimated 26 percent eligible for Harvard's new Financial Aid Initiative (HFAI) for low- and middle-income families, which *requires no contributions from those with annual incomes under $60,000 and a reduced contribution for those from $60,000 to $80,000.*_

My brother is going to Harvard Business School this fall, and my understanding is that "no contribution" means "no contribution in addition to subsidized loans," not "no loans." My brother had a low "expected contribution" because his financial aid included $40K in subsidized loans.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

We anticipated investing in a child's education and earmarked some of our assets for that purpose before I became pregnant. The moment we had dd's SSN, we invested a large lump sum in a 529 and we are now just watching it grow in leaps and bounds. We are hoping that giving it 18 years to grow in a hopefully upwardly mobile market will allow dd to go to any school in the country or outside the country. If we need to supplement the 529, we're prepared to do that, but dd will not graduate from college owing a dime. Why? Because we can and because I think that anything you can do to help the next generation have a better life than you have is worth it.


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## dentmom3 (Aug 10, 2006)

We plan to pay for all of it for all 3 kids and are saving and saving to achieve that goal. The In-laws paid for all of DH's undergrad and then gave some $ to help pay off the grad school loans (we kept the loans - they are a low %age and used the $ as a down payment on a house) so I would like to be able to do like they did for him.

My family had no $ so I had some financial aid and then I worked 40 hours a week all through undergrad and on vacations and everything. Summers I worked a FT job and then housesat/pet sat as well to earn extra $ and I still had a hard time paying what I had to. Luckily for grad school I qualified for a disadvantaged student scholarship and had 3 years of dental school FREE!!! Without that I would have been swallowed in debt.

I don't want my kids doing the stuff I had to do for money in college (medical experiments for cash anyone?) so yeah, I'll foot the bill for them...


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dentmom3* 

I don't want my kids doing the stuff I had to do for money in college (medical experiments for cash anyone?) so yeah, I'll foot the bill for them...











In order to make money for school, my DH used to sell his plasma to a medical research company. He donated twice a month. I had forgotten about it until you mentioned medical experiments. He didn't receive a lot of money. I think he made $45-75 each time.


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennisee* 
My brother is going to Harvard Business School this fall, and my understanding is that "no contribution" means "no contribution in addition to subsidized loans," not "no loans." My brother had a low "expected contribution" because his financial aid included $40K in subsidized loans.

I think the "no contribution" policy is just for undergrads. It is very very rare to get any kind of support for tuition for a professional degree like business school or law school.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

We have a modest fund started that we hope will grow some before they come of age. Our biggest contribution is going to be letting them have free room and board and use of a car as long as they are studying full time. I don't think we will be able to cover all their expenses. We will encourage them to go to community college for the first two years to save money, too.


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## boodafli (May 28, 2005)

holy cow! four pages! *catching up*


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## Jennisee (Nov 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thalia* 
I think the "no contribution" policy is just for undergrads. It is very very rare to get any kind of support for tuition for a professional degree like business school or law school.

But does "no contribution" mean "no loans" or "no contribution in addition to loans?" Is the language different for undergrads and grad students? (Not being snarky--genuinely curious.)

When I was in college, if the semester cost was $5,000, our financial aid offer would say something like, "$1000 grant, $2000 work study, $2000 loan, and $0 student contribution." So, even though we had "$0 contribution," we still had loans. I know my brother submitted financial aid paperwork to the business school, received a half fellowship and loans for the other half, and was told his "expected contribution" was very little, like less than $1000 a year.


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## SquishyKitty (Jun 10, 2005)

We have a specific amount already set aside in savings bonds for DS. We've been lucky enough with DH's job to be able to save. We've stopped the bonds, since the last one will mature when he's 18 or 19, and now we've got a mutual fund set up for him.

Going to college wasn't an option for DH or I unless we did it ourselves, so we want to give DS that option. If he's not interested in school, DH swears we'll use it for an awesome over the top vacation, but I'm pretty sure he can't deny the kid anything and will probably end up giving it to him anyways


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## boodafli (May 28, 2005)

we're saving for peanut, but i have to be honest when i say it's not really for college. i'm not going to make college a big thing, but we hope to have a good amt set aside for her to start her life out of our home. i was just surprised that so many of y'all mentioned paying for college specifically on that other thread.

i like the idea of free room and board as a way to help out. sensible.


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## mags (May 4, 2004)

My parents paid for my college education. Although, they basically used it to manipulate me. If I didn't do something they wanted me to do, like choose a certain major, or if they were just upset at me for whatever reason, they would threaten to stop paying. I was constantly stressed out that they would just stop paying, it was not a good situation, esp since they always found reasons to be unhappy with me. Now that I look back on it, I actually wish I would have just taken out loans on my own, so I wouldn't have had to deal with my parents manipulation and so I could have chosen a major that would have been a better fit for me. My DH had about half of his tution paid for by his parents.

As for our kids, we are trying to save for them, within the first yr of their lives, we started saving accts for them. Unfortunately, chances are that they will not qualify for any financial aid. I am hoping that we will save enough to pay for the majority of their education. When they are older, I plan to return to work maybe 1-2 times a wk, and all of my earnings will go directly into their college fund. I am currnently a SAHM, but if I want to pay for my kids' college, I will need to return to work. It's something I am not thrilled about, esp since we are planning to HS our children, I would prefer to be able to just concentrate on HSing and our family instead of having to work too.

We are not telling our kids that we are saving for their college fund. We want them to work PT jobs when they are teenagers to save up for school on their own, so they can assume some of the responsibility and understand what it is like to have a job... usually jobs that teenagers have are not-so-great and low paying. It's a humbling experience. I worked at arby's as a teenager and it really helped me to understand how hard you have to work to make a living. I also worked PT jobs during college to pay for books and spending $ and I was a residence hall advisor for three yrs, so that was three yrs of free room and board. The kids can take out a loan, and when they graduate, we will pay off as much of the loan as possible with the $ we have saved as their graduation present. If they don't graduate from college (ie: they partied and flunked), we are not paying for any of it, they are responsible for paying off that loan.

Some ppl may not agree with our decision to do this. However, based on DH's and my experience in college, we saw many kids whose parents footed the bill, only for the kids to squander their college education by partying it up and then never graduating at all. Most of these kids were not paying for their education, and I believe that played a role. Hopefully, my kids will take their education seriously (we will be HSing our kids), lol. I am also not against the idea of them starting out in community college close to home first and then transferring to a 4 yr university (most students that I know who did this, actually did very well in college and saved $ by being commuter students), or taking a yr or two off before starting college, so they have a better idea of what they want to do. I remember one of my DH's co-workers said that the main motivating factor for him to go to and complete college was that he used to work at a steel mill in the summer when he was a teenager and he knew he did not want to do a job like that for the rest of his life, and realized that having a college education would help him get a better job. I'm not saying I want my kids to work in a steel mill and do back breaking work, but I think it can be an eye opening experience to work a low skill, low paying job and realizing that by furthering your education, you can improve your job and financial situation.

As for grad/prof school, the kids are on their own. DH and I were already past 30 by the time we started our family... I don't think we could afford to save enough for retirement and pay for more than 4 yrs of college for two kids. Unforutnately, the costs of college is why my DH does not want to have another baby. It makes me sad, but I can understand where he is coming from. Getting a college education is a very high priority in our family, basically, it is expected that our children will go to and graduate from college. We will try our best to make it financially possible for our kids to get an undergraduate degree. If we can afford to help pay for grad/prof degrees, then that's great, we will do what we can. My DH keeps hoping he'll win the lotto, lol. He wants to win big, but I keep telling him if we could just win enough to pay for the kids' college education, I would be a very happy woman.


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## Brigianna (Mar 13, 2006)

We'll do what we can. We're fortunate enough to live in a state that provides free public tuition for those who qualify, although who knows if that will still be the case when my kidlets start. I firmly believe that no one should have to work while in school, but unfortunately we may not be able to live up to that.


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## Fiestabeth (Aug 4, 2006)

I'll come back and read the entire thread later, but as of right now I am not planning on paying for my children's higher education. I never had to pay for tuition and occasionally had to pay for books, with a combination of scholarships and grants. I did move out right after high school so I had to take care of my own living expenses, but my parents helped out a little here and there (groceries, a Christmas tree







).

I honestly am really surprised at how people feel it is necessary and/or expected to pay for college. I just really don't feel that way. I don't know that I would pay for college even if we were wealthy. If we were wealthy and our income kept them from being able to get financial aid then I would definitely help cover it. I agree with the PP that would help out by giving them free rent and covering living expenses.

We do have a savings account for the kids, but it's not necessarily earmarked for college. I don't think it's going to amount to a ton of money, but maybe it can go towards their weddings or something. We'll see.

My IL's paid, and are paying, a lot toward my two BIL's college fees, but never even offered to pay for DH because I got pregnant when we were teenagers and he had to go out and find a job to support me and dd. He is considering going to night school now that his job has regular hours and is more stable than it used to be, and we'll figure out a way to pay!


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

It's just a community college, but so far, I am. She does have to work so we can't always afford for her to go full time, but sometimes she can when I can find enough work myself and keep the expenses down.

I do things like keeping the thermostat set at 50 degrees and working at a food bank in exchange for groceries that most people would consider rather extreme.

I don't charge dd for rent, but she does cover as much of her own food expenses as she can, depending on her other expenses, and she's very generous with gifts.

I intend to help her as much as I can with her college expenses for as long as I can. I do not intend to finance any weddings or buy any cars, though.

She has been in community college since she was fifteen and will be graduating next year.


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## CharlieBrown (Jan 20, 2004)

we will help them out as much as possible. i didn't get help as my parents couldn't afford it and it wasn't fun, working, struggling and being thousands of dollars in debt upon graduation.


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## Annabel_the_Sheep (Jul 27, 2005)

I really don't understand why this is such a priority. If yoe can't save up it is always possible to get Federal Aid, and then slowly pay them back. That's what my DP parents did.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Annabel_the_Sheep* 
I really don't understand why this is such a priority. If yoe can't save up it is always possible to get Federal Aid, and then slowly pay them back. That's what my DP parents did.

This is a very narrow-minded view. It's simply not true. My sister has a son going to college this fall. They make too much to get ANY kind of aid, but because he has a congenital liver disease, they have $0 for college for him due to 15 years of very expensive medical bills. They have NO federal aid awarded to them. My nephew is not eligible for any federal aid at all, either. They have poor credit because of the medical bills, so they cannot get a loan. She is now wringing her hands trying to figure out how she can help him go to school. Just yesterday she was crying on my shoulder saying how she wishes she had saved for him to go to college.


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## leafwood (Jun 15, 2004)

Dh and I plan to pay for college. We started saving for dd the month she was born with a 509B account. Only $25/month, but we will start doing more once our income goes up. Second baby will also get an account on his/her birthday.

My parents were able to pay for my undergrad and I am so thankful. DH & I both paid for 5-6 years of grad school on our own and now have a combined 110K student loan balance, but I am thankful that I had to put that effort into my higher education because I took it very seriously and I saw a lot of people drop out or get very close but not finish and that was never an option for either of us.

That being said, dh always jokes that our children (unlike us) will choose to backpack across Europe to study art.......so I will be flexible when the time comes


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I will help out but not pay for all of it. They will still need to work/grants and probably live at home to be able to go.


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## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

We started a 529 Savings plan for dd the month she was born, it's that important to me. Dh's parents paid for his undergrad degree and it made a huge difference starting out after school without him having to carry debt from that. I, otoh, had a full tuition scholarship for community college, then transferred to a state school for the second two (really, three) years, and graduated about 17k in debt.

My hope is that dd will qualify for the Florida Bright Futures program, and then use her 529 for living expenses or graduate school.


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## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?

I don't know a lot of college age young adults who want to live at home for 4 years after they graduate high school.

My dd is 19 and is in her second year of university. She lived at home for the first year but she has now moved into her first apartment, about 2 miles from home. I pay 100% of her college tuition, and I contribute around $300 a month to help her with living expenses. The rest she pays for on her own; she works part time at a bookstore.


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## mightymoo (Dec 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *velochic* 
This is a very narrow-minded view. It's simply not true. My sister has a son going to college this fall. They make too much to get ANY kind of aid, but because he has a congenital liver disease, they have $0 for college for him due to 15 years of very expensive medical bills. They have NO federal aid awarded to them. My nephew is not eligible for any federal aid at all, either. They have poor credit because of the medical bills, so they cannot get a loan. She is now wringing her hands trying to figure out how she can help him go to school. Just yesterday she was crying on my shoulder saying how she wishes she had saved for him to go to college.

My brother put himself through college by getitng a job working for the adjoining law school admissions office. He would take classes at night mostly. He could only take so many credits a quarter, but he continued to take classes during the summer, etc so he graduated I think only one semester over four years. Maybe that might be an option?


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

I replied a long time ago but have been thinking more about it. I said before that we are saving but that I believe it will not be nearly enough.

BUT, I somehow completely forgot that dh and I BOTH work for a public university. Duh. If we still work there in 15 years....long shot.....dd could go there for 1/2 price. I would not encourage her to live at home unless she wanted to. I do feel strongly that part of the college experience is living on your own (if you are ready). I also forgot that she is, and always will be, the only grandchild on both sides of the family. There is a good chance the grandparents would like to help too. So there are options. Of course there is a good chance dd will not want to go to college at all since we are unschooling. I would also wager that our particular university might not be number one on her list since it is an engineering school. We do not have a community college....


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## kewb (May 13, 2005)

If all goes as planned DH & I will be able to provide our children with a college education and grad school, possibly with the help of some student loans and grants.

The reason we want to do this is because we believe it is our obligation as parents to give our children the best education we can and this includes college and grad/medical/law/trade school.


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## MamaNosBest (Feb 20, 2007)

That's our plan, too, kewb.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

Quote:

BUT, I somehow completely forgot that dh and I BOTH work for a public university. Duh. If we still work there in 15 years....long shot.....dd could go there for 1/2 price.
I really wish my public university employer had this kind of deal. They only offer children of employees $500 per semester right now. And it's contract-dependent, so it could go away completely by the time my kids are college age.


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## KnittingShaker (Oct 16, 2005)

nonconformnmom said:


> Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?
> 
> /QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

We are paying off debt right now, but by this time next year, we hope to be able to start saving for our children's futures. We should have about $25,000 saved for each child by the time they each turn 18. I'm not pressuring my children to go to college -- that will be a decision they make for themselves -- but the money will (hopefully) be there for whatever they need, whether it be school, a car, a house, start-up for a business, etc.

Obviously $25,000 won't be nearly enough if they plan on going to 4-year colleges, grad schools, etc., but we will most likely take out loans for them in that case.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

Yes. The cost of college is rising more the inflation. Even adjusting for today's dollars, it will cost SO MUCH MORE for my children than when I was in school. It is already more than $45K per year at some schools to attend college, which is TWICE what it was when I was in school just 12 years ago!! What kid do you know can work their way through college NETTING $40K??? That's like making $75K a year.... if they could make $75K a year working part-time I doubt they'd have any desire to go to college, lol. And state schools are hardly much better -- they used to be super cheap but they just flat out aren't anymore. My state school costs $23K per year!! The days of working in the lunch room or at a little job on the side to offset (much less pay for) tuition, room & board are, in my opinion, GONE. Sure I want my kids to contribute, but being realistic, the percentage that they will be able to contribute to their education costs is plummeting - I mean nosediving - by the year as the costs of college skyrocket.

And expecting us to get loans is taking a big gamble... we'd be unlikely to qualify for much today and who knows what the situation will be in 20 years. Also, I really don't want to have to bank on the fact that my kid is a soccer star or whatever... I hate the idea of having an interest of theirs be judged in terms of whether or not it will "help with college" (i.e., scholarships). Finally, if one of my kids is brilliant and could get into a great school and wants to be a rocket scientist or whatever, it would kill me, just break my heart, to have them go to a mediocre place instead of an amazing academic institution just because we couldn't afford it -- and on the flip side, I also don't like the idea of having to pressure my kids to be #1 in school or have to load up on AP courses or be a whiz kid on the SATs - always freaking out about every grade and test... what if my kid isn't destined to attend a traditional college/university? If they want to go to a vocational school or art school or cooking school... I can help them do that - these schools cost money too and I want to be able to support their education no matter what it may be.


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## pumpkin (Apr 8, 2003)

I can't promise that I will pay 100% of all college expenses because it may just not be feasible. However, we will make sure that with a combination of assistance from us, scholarships, and loans our children can attend any college they are admitted to. To make sure this happens, we will be limiting the number of children we have to the number that we can afford to send to school.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nonconformnmom* 
Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?[/QUOTE
We want to be able help our kids in the ways that we can but we are low income and simply can't afford fto help with living living expenses. If they are able to find a roommate somewhere and can afford it, then they are certainly welcome to.

DS1 will be going to Job Corps when he is 16, he will get a good dose of campus life there and if he wishes he can enter into the college program (live there/go to CC) for 2 years after he gets his HS diploma and vocational training.


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nonconformnmom* 
Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?

I will leave that up to my kids. I had no interest in living on campus when I started college out of high school. I have a friend who spent the first two years at home, then transferred to the main campus and lived in a dorm.

I don't really think that there is a need to live away from home. I will leave it up to them to decide. I know the college I attend, the main campus requires freshmen to live on campus in the dorms.


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## swimswamswum (Oct 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glendora* 
Okay, but what's that do for your 3.9 kid?

'Cause that was me. 3.98. AP. Extra curriculars. Trailer trash. The whole nine yards.

For bupkiss. I got 180 dollars total in scholarships.

It's better to tell your kid that you just don't care if they go, than it is to tell them to depend on scholarship money.

I don't disagree with you. I was simply pointing out that there are excellent scholarships available to the brightest students. I was a great student with excellent (but not perfect) grades and scores, but I didn't receive a full ride. I understand what you're saying.


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## RubyWild (Apr 7, 2004)

Our culture deals with education very poorly, expecting unestablished teenagers to take on the burden of tens of thousands of government loans with the idea that said government will then provide an excellent economy in which the graduate can then establish themselves and pay off the loans over the nexts 20-30 years when they should be saving for a home and retirement.

Look at teachers in my area who are expected to earn Master's degrees to teach kindergarten then they're not paid well at all. A freaking Master's degree and then paid half of what my hair stylist friend earns in her upscale salon and not even a high school diploma.

It's madness.

My hope is that we will always pay for all of our Dd's educational experiences and with buying her first home, too. My feeling is that it's our responsibility to get her established in life.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

we are saving for our dd's education and will do the same for future children, but it won't be to pay for it all, it will just be a bit to help out.
Our chldren will be welcome to live at home while they are students but we will have to work out an agreement when the time comes, I don't think it would be good to foot their entire rent/utilities and food bill.


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## domesticzookeeper (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RubyWild* 
Our culture deals with education very poorly, expecting unestablished teenagers to take on the burden of tens of thousands of government loans with the idea that said government will then provide an excellent economy in which the graduate can then establish themselves and pay off the loans over the nexts 20-30 years when they should be saving for a home and retirement.

Yup







:

My parents paid for my first four years of school. Because I switched to my major a little late in the game and am going on my fifth year, I will pay for the remaining semesters. That was the original agreement, and I think it's perfectly fair.

I live at home. I have not had to work three jobs _and_ struggle to maintain near straight A's while paying for my rent. Instead I care for my younger siblings and my grandfather who has Alzheimer's. I cook, clean, do home repairs, and generally act like a responsible adult. I may not live on my own, but I've learned a lot about life by rising to the challenge of being a contributing member of our household.

Do I wish I lived on campus? Not for a minute







: Many of my friends have absolutely *loved* dorm life, or living on their own, and that's great for them. Really. But college isn't the real world, and living on campus can be even more insular than living with your family. I've stayed at home *and* I've grown up, and have learned to make wise financial choices without first putting myself in debt.

I definitely plan to help my kids with their college tuition.


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## RubyV (Feb 4, 2004)

We will help as much as possible, and is a real incentive to limit family size.

My family did not contribute, and I had to work full time. As a result, I never finished college.

I started college 12 years ago, and had to leave several times due to finances. I don't want that for my child.

Tap/pell weren't nearly enough to help out.

When I left school for the 3rd time a year and a half ago (once again, no money), I had a 3.8 gpa. Very few scholarships are available that can really help, even less if you are an adult student.

Hopefully, in a few years I will be able to finish my undergraduate education and go to div school.


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## 2 in August (Jan 6, 2006)

I know it might sound cruel, but we aren't saving for our kids college. We will support them in any other way so that they can go (live here without paying rent, feed them, do their laundry, etc). Both my parents and my ils did the same for dh and me.

I've seen too many parents (both of my friends and in our families) were the parents either resented that they were paying for their kids schooling or that they became obsessed with what classes were being taken, where the kid was living, how many times a major was changed, etc. I've also seen the "if you don't do it our way we'll cut off your $". I don't want that kind of dynamic.

Plus I think that if you work for something it means more to you and you take it more seriously. When you've earned the $1500 (or whatever amount, this was just a random #) for a couple classes and wrote the check out yourself it is a big sense of accomplishment.


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## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

DS is 6 months old, and we have already started a college fund for him. College is expensive, and as his parents I think we should help him out with it.

I am in school now and it's really expensive. It would've been nice if my parents had saved even a little bit of money for me for books or something.


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## domesticzookeeper (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2 in August* 
Plus I think that if you work for something it means more to you and you take it more seriously. When you've earned the $1500 (or whatever amount, this was just a random #) for a couple classes and wrote the check out yourself it is a big sense of accomplishment.

Or when you've finished your financial aid paperwork and signed off on a several thousand dollar loan, it's a big sense of dread.

Whether or not you take college seriously does not hinge on whether or not you're paying for it. I'm sorry, but if you're slacking off because your parents are paying, then you've got much bigger issues. I work hard *because* my parents are paying for it.

And yeah, some parents have a set of rules that go along with their financial investment. It's their money, and I'll say it again, if the dividing issue is going to be whether or not your kid can take certain classes then the issue is *larger* than who's paying for those classes.

Parents who have an open and honest relationship with their near-adult children should be able to work out an agreement regarding classes. My parents did: we'll pay for the first four years. I went beyond that because of a major change (that they _totally_ support) and I have taken out a loan to pay for my final year.

The substance of relationships often becomes exposed when finances are involved. But the finances do not create the substance of those relationships.


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

We will be paying for our kids' educations and have 529 plans set up for each of them. Neither dh or I had much help from our parents. I had some loans and dh had quite a big amount and he even joined the Navy to get some of his education paid for. We don't want that for our kids. And I very much dislike the (general) assumption that having your college education entirely paid for = an entitled spoiled unappreciative brat.


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## roxyrox (Sep 11, 2006)

We will pay for our ds's university education. I don't want him to start out life with a whole pile of debt. We set a savings account up for this purpose when he was born. Depending on how much fees rise he may have to contribute a little to living expenses himself but I don't really think it's good for students to work more than a few hours a week when they are studying if at all possible.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Dorm life may be nice, but I don't feel it is a necessary part of an education. I have the same degree as those who dormed. We get paid the same thing and do the same job. I may not have the memories of the parties, but I was happier to have less debt. DH did dorm (and had an apt one semester), and loved it. But, it was the partying he loved. He said he probably would have had better grades if he didn't dorm. He also would have had much less debt. I guess its a trade off. I just don't see it as a necessary part of the education.


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

well, im still baking number one, but i'd like to have at least something to help them out with, but i really doubt we'll be able to put all our kids through college


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## jkpmomtoboys (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boodafli* 
if you are, why? if you are not, why not?

Yes - as our parents did for us, and their parents did for them.

We feel not only is it the right thing to do but it's our responsibility to pay our debt to our parents by paying for college for our kids...


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nonconformnmom* 
Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?

No, I really don't. For one, the cost of renting a 1 bedroom apartment in this area is more than we pay in mortgage for our 5 bedroom house. That's now. 20 years from now, there's no way that a college student would be able to afford living on their own here.

For another, as a pp pointed out, living on campus is even more insular than living at home. At home you're at least expected to interact somewhat with non-students. And campus living is no cheaper than apartment renting. Not to even mention the party attitudes and preponderance of underaged drinking that occurs on campus.

If I have a 5 bedroom house in the middle of a metropolitan area with almost a dozen schools readily available to my child, why on earth would I expect that they are going to want to pay upwards of $1000/month on renting a place? Because I'm not going to pay for it. I have a perfectly good house with a perfectly good bedroom that they are welcome to use while mom makes sure that there's food in the house.

I'm willing to pay room and board and public transportation costs if they go to one of the local schools. If not, they can talk to relatives (aunt, uncle, grandparents) about living with them and going to school there. If they don't want to do any of that then they're going to have to figure out how to afford what they do want. And I'm not saying I won't help if I can. I am saying that I'm not paying for their education. And at no point am I saying that the offer of free room and board is limited to the ages from 18-22 or whatever. If they want to go back to school at 32, the offer will still stand.

But honestly, I don't expect my child(ren) to go to college and get their degree at 18. I think it's unrealistic to expect a young adult to know at 18 or 19 or even 20 enough about themselves and the world to be able to pick a career path and stick to it. If they're driven and know what they want, more power to them. But most young adults don't have a clue, and college winds up being an exercise in futility and a huge waste of money. I'd much rather they go out and get a few years experience doing whatever, if that means picking grapes with the seasonal workers or shoveling manure or answering phones, it doesn't matter. Doing something teaches them about the way the world works, that life isn't fair, and that there are no free rides. That in turn can help them to appreciate what they accomplish for themselves.


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## ~ATenthMuse~ (Mar 16, 2003)

We'll pay half and they'll pay for the other half. My mil & fil did it this way with sil. (Dh has his education covered by the GI Bill.)


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## RubyWild (Apr 7, 2004)

Some of you, who will not help your children much for college because you think it's their own responsibility, please keep in mind that even if you don't claim your adult children as dependents, for all the years they're in college, they are ineligible for many grants and lower interest loans because of your income.

It doesn't matter if you're not particularly rich or even comfortable. When they fill out their financial aid forms, they'll be told how much the government expects you, the parents, to contribute. So, your college "child" is going to have to pay back loans at a higher interest rate because of their parents' earnings.

I paid my own way what I didn't borrow and went to school side by side with people whose parents paid everything. We got the same degrees, but they're so much further ahead financially.


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## Emmeline II (Feb 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
If DH retires from the military(and as of now we expect him to) they can go to dh home of state or the state he retires in tuition free.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 
Have not heard of this! Can you provide more info/links on this?

Yeah, my FIL is retired military and _that_ was not covered in his out-briefings







.


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## Emmeline II (Feb 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nonconformnmom* 
Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?

I spent a year and a half in the dorms and while I would like for my children to have that experience I think that the actual degree is much more important.

My dad was getting social security for me when I 10 and that paid for the first 3 1/2 years. I switched school 3xs after community college before I found a good fit. I did a semester abroad which was a $5,000 loan and some money I borrowed from mom.

We are putting away the $1000 tax refund each year in their 529s. We hope to pay for an associate's degree (two years + summers) and we'll see what we can afford after that.

Dh is going to school on the GI BILL and gets tuition reimbursement from his job. I have a associate's from cc, BA from a public school, another associate's from the CCAF (pretty much was required for promotion in the AF) and I'm using my GI BILL to go to cc right now because I actually make money from the stipend because the school is so cheap.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

For everyone saying "we'll pay half, they'll pay the other half" or whatever, do you know that you'll be expecting your child to earn approximately $50,000-- in TODAY's dollars -- in gross annual income in order to do that? A 19 year-old student making $50K a year???

That's what I don't get. I understand people who say "hey it's not my problem - if they want to go, they'll figure it out" as opposed to people who actually think that a job flipping burgers or waiting tables or working in the campus dining hall is actually going to put even a tiny dent in a college education 20 years from now. The cost of that education is increasing at some places by 10% or more per year. Like I said earlier, Harvard costs $20K more today than it did just over a decade ago! Do you think wages are going up that much? lol NO WAY! We all should be so lucky to get a 10% raise every year, kwim? So the end result is that the slice of the pie that a child's income _could possibly_ contribute is getting tinier by the year.

So while I think it's fair enough to say "we don't care about college" or "we're not paying at all"... I do think it's a little bit of sticking one's head in the sand to say that a child will be able to cover a large portion of the costs themselves through working their way through college... unless they're ok not getting that degree til they're 40.


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## wwisdomskr (Dec 25, 2006)

Weelll, I have a lot to say about this topic...







:

My mom dropped out of college after 1 year to marry my dad. My dad was the first person in his family to ever go to college. He started when I was in 6th grade and graduated when I was in 9th grade. He worked full-time and graduated with honors. His experience and our experience as a family made college part of my realm of possibility.

My dh's great-grandfather was born a slave. (Dh's grandfather is 95). He went to college and became a teacher. Almost everyone since, in dh's family, has completed a bachelor's--at the very *least*. There's sort of an unspoken, ivy-league competition... But, you didn't hear me say that!









I barely graduated from high school, served in AmeriCorps for a year and then went to college. My parents didn't help. I used pell grants and student loans to pay for tuition and worked a lot of jobs to pay for my living expenses. It was hard. I graduated with honors. I don't think that would have happened if I'd gone to college right away.

Dh went to college right away...well, he's a nerd and was actually taking cc courses concurrently with finishing hs. He struggled in his courses because of financial stress. He took a break, joined AmeriCorps (that's where we met







) and then joined the military. They've paid for everything, including his Phd, for which he's now wrapping up research.

Combined, we have about $50,000 in student loan debt. We're okay and basically secure. We make the minimum payments and worry about other debt more because student loans get canceled when you die!







: We have a great gig...dh has a permanent duty station, and in 10 years he will be eligible to retire (at 42) and receive 2/3 of his officer's pay for the rest of his life. Plus, he'll be so young and have great earning power with his Phd. Our retirement is secure.

However, all of our present and future security is completely wrapped up in the government literally owning my dh... He's a "change agent from the inside" kind of guy, but that can suck the life outta ya sometimes, kwim?
I'd like our children to have both security and a little more freedom.

We have 529 accounts for the kids and will contribute as much as we possibly can toward their educations. We feel that we want to take the next step in this generation. Our families made it possible for us to get to college. We want to make it possible for our children to get to college and then start adulthood with as little debt as possible.

I definitely agree with pp that college is not a necessary part of everyone's journey...and that's it's not necessarily a good idea for most traditionally-schooled teens to head directly to college. I'm glad that I served in AmeriCorps first...

Our kids are unschooled, so they will have many years of making decisions, having extra personal responsibility and gaining deeper knowledge of themselves. If they choose, they may be a little more prepared to head to college at the traditional age. Or not... Or they may make a different decision altogether.

As a pp said, the money and our support will wait until they're ready. Or, we'll cut off the ungrateful trolls and give the money to someone else!


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## wwisdomskr (Dec 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RubyWild* 

It doesn't matter if you're not particularly rich or even comfortable. When they fill out their financial aid forms, they'll be told how much the government expects you, the parents, to contribute. So, your college "child" is going to have to pay back loans at a higher interest rate because of their parents' earnings.

I paid my own way what I didn't borrow and went to school side by side with people whose parents paid everything. We got the same degrees, but they're so much further ahead financially.









:

My parents weren't contributing anything...but financial aid still considered their income in calculating my "award." I had to fight for over a year (and it got very ugly) to be officially declared "independent" of my parents in the eyes of the financial aid office. At the point which I learned of this option, and applied for it, I had been *completely* supporting myself (in different states from my parents) for 2 years. FA told me that my parents' income would be considered until I got married, was pursuing a master's degree, or turned 28. Whether they were lying or not...that was what I was stuck with at the time. When my independent status was finally granted...my parents hadn't paid any of my expenses (school or otherwise) for 3 years.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

My husband has three kids from his first marriage. His ex wanted to pay for the kids' college because she wanted input into what they studied (I am not lying...she would tell you this herself) and majored in. My husband and I gave each of his kids a monthly stiped for four years, regardless of whether they attend college. His idea is that it helped ease into adulthood. We're still paying for the youngest two (nearly 23 and nearly 21). (So you see, we are not averse to helping them financially)

My dd from my first marriage (nearly 18) is just graduating high school and doesn't know if she wants to attend college. My husband and I will likely give her a monthly stipend as well.

The money isn't the only thing but we've found that his children have had a hard time accepting pending adulthood. We've had some major growing pains and problems. I now think we (and the ex paying for tuition) did them no favors by giving them money each month. Jury is still out on this...we're doing lots of thinking and talking about this.

We don't know about paying for college for our 8yr old...still lots to consider.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Periwinkle* 
For everyone saying "we'll pay half, they'll pay the other half" or whatever, do you know that you'll be expecting your child to earn approximately $50,000-- in TODAY's dollars -- in gross annual income in order to do that? A 19 year-old student making $50K a year???

That's what I don't get. I understand people who say "hey it's not my problem - if they want to go, they'll figure it out" as opposed to people who actually think that a job flipping burgers or waiting tables or working in the campus dining hall is actually going to put even a tiny dent in a college education 20 years from now. The cost of that education is increasing at some places by 10% or more per year. Like I said earlier, Harvard costs $20K more today than it did just over a decade ago! Do you think wages are going up that much? lol NO WAY! We all should be so lucky to get a 10% raise every year, kwim? So the end result is that the slice of the pie that a child's income _could possibly_ contribute is getting tinier by the year.

So while I think it's fair enough to say "we don't care about college" or "we're not paying at all"... I do think it's a little bit of sticking one's head in the sand to say that a child will be able to cover a large portion of the costs themselves through working their way through college... unless they're ok not getting that degree til they're 40.









:

This college costs calculator is interesting. It gives an idea of how much tuition will be in the future.

http://www.finaid.org/calculators/costprojector.phtml


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## psyche (Apr 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RubyWild* 
Some of you, who will not help your children much for college because you think it's their own responsibility, please keep in mind that even if you don't claim your adult children as dependents, for all the years they're in college, they are ineligible for many grants and lower interest loans because of your income.

I knew someone who was secretly married in college because then she didn't have to count her parents' income. Her husband was in the military so he got more benefits out of it as well. They'd known each other for two months before opting for this solution to their problems. I always wonder what happened in the long run.


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## Kajira (May 23, 2006)

my kids get a almost free first degree from my country of origin, since I own property and pay plenty taxes every year there you bet I'll tell them take advantage of that, then their second degree would be funded by family, if they choose not to do a second that money goes towards their first home

funny enough neither dh or I used or family money for school, and I still don't have a degree much to my mother's dismay







:


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

My dh and I have a combined $80,000 (give or take) in school loans. We will do whatever we can to help our children out so that that doesn't happen to them.

For me, I could have used the advice to not choose the grad school I chose. My parents got so wrapped up in the name of the school I went to and it's reputation that they never once talked to me about how I was going to pay for it. I think even they were shocked when I graduated, and they found out what my debt load was.

We'll give that sort of advice to our children.

I also have some sort of desire for my children to have some training or a degree that enables them to get work. If they really don't want to, that's find, I suppose, but I do hope that they pursue something. (and that's the totally selfish bad mama part of me coming out)


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## MissSavannahsMommy (Apr 8, 2005)

I'm in school right now with massive debt (seriously to the tune of "I don't even check the balance b/c it's so outrageous") I work 2 jobs just to stay afloat so I don't take out any more outrageous amounts, I'm in school full time, and it's to the point where I have anxiety attacks that I won't be able to pass nursing school and i'll be debt ridden for the rest of my life.

I live with my parents right now (had to move back in b/c i'm that broke) and I do pay rent, everything for DD, car, insurance, gas,







, the whole nine yards just with somewhat reduced rent. It's to the point where i'll have to remain living with my parents for at least the first 1-2 years after graduation just to pay off all the loans. After I graduate, I cannot live outside of this house and continue to just pay the minimums on my loans. Economically i'd be in the red every single month, due to the massie amount of loans i had to take out. My parents contribute nothing right now. It costs me almost 29,000 in tuition per year (were not counting books, daycare, expenses to get to school and whatnot) Multiply that by 4 and it'll make you







:

Basically moral of my self pity fest: I will *NEVER* do this to my daughter. Living with this much debt consumes me. I refuse to have any more children because I cannot economically afford it. I'd love more kids, but I won't even entertain the thought because i'm in so much debt and I want to make sure that the DD I have now, will never go through this. If she wants to go school, I will make every attempt to pay for 100% of her tuition. Granted, I will not pay all of her college costs and hopefully she'll work to have some extra spending money, money for books, gas, car insurance, blah. But the majority of her tuition will be paid by me provided that she exceeds in school and will get a degree in a field that has some type of relative stability (i.e. i'm not paying for a bachelors in basket weaving because she has no idea what she wants to do with her life but since the "free ride" option is potentially available courtesy of her bestest mommy ever, she'll snatch it up)

After struggling with all the debt and seeing how "financial aid" really works, I consider paying my DD's education a huge priority and it being just another one of the many financial aspects that comes with parenting. I want her to have every tool she possibly can to succeed in her life, if that means me paying for her college and giving her the means nessicary to persue a degree, i'm all for it


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

This is an interesting thread, it seems like those who say that the kids will get financial assistance such as scholarships or grants tend to be the folks who didn't go to college themselves.

This is not a slam but an observation both in this thread and in my own life, my ex husband seems to think that our son who will be heading to college in 3 years will get full scholarships to college. My ex did not go to college and I have a BA and a M.Ed that were financed primarily with loans.

Sadly because I went back to school when my son was 6 and finished last year when he was 14, paying for college is one of many things that keeps me up at night.

Shay


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## MissSavannahsMommy (Apr 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
This is an interesting thread, it seems like those who say that the kids will get financial assistance such as scholarships or grants tend to be the folks who didn't go to college themselves.

This is not a slam but an observation both in this thread and in my own life, my ex husband seems to think that our son who will be heading to college in 3 years will get full scholarships to college. My ex did not go to college and I have a BA and a M.Ed that were financed primarily with loans.

That was going to be my other question as well!!!

What are the educational backgrounds of all the posters? Does your education influence your decision at all?

Where are all these people finding scholarships and justifying that their children will get these glorious scholarships because i've applied for 23984723984739284732984723 bazillion of them and stopped after i realize i spend so much getting official transcripts and denied by all of the scholarship institutions. I finally stopped applying because it was costing me so much money just to apply for them!

My ex and I are currently having the fight you and your ex are. I would like for him to pay half of her tuition to a private school, but he's arguing that public and private are the same (around here, they're not). Push comes to shove, if he doesn't pay, i'll pick up the slack and send her. It's not her fault that her dad and I can't agree on squat financially. I think again it's my responsibility as her parent to give her the best education possible, if that's a private school that makes me want to donate a kidney to fund her education- so be it. She's totally worth it


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## katydid317 (Dec 18, 2006)

At this point I am too drowning in my own student debt (and not done racking it up yet either!) and DP is going back to school this fall. We probably won't be able to save up much for our kids, but I think they will all manage. I constantly kick myself for not staying home when I started school. if I had, I would have been able to pay for my undergrad myself with the job I used to have. I think there are ways to make paying for university/college easier but it requires some sacrifices on your kids part as well. I didn't expect my parents to pay my way and I'm not really that upset about the debt I have. I prefer to earn what I have on my own.

if I can afford it though, I will help. I sure won't pay everything though. and if they choose to move away from home, they'll be paying for that. paying tuition and books is the most I would do.


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

My kids will both have about $100K each by the time they are 18. I hope that inflation will not rise too much and that the money will actually pay for something -- like at least two years of a prestigious private college if they choose to go that route.

If my husband is successful in selling his company, than we will make sure they each have at least $500K for school and what not. Yes, $500K each. I want them to be able to get a Ph.D. if they want one, without incurring any student loans.

We feel it is our responsibility as their parents to make sure they can afford to go to college and graduate school. We do NOT want them to be handicapped by debt when/if they get their degree(s).

ETA: FWIW, I went to a City College and worked my way through, then got a full scholarship to Harvard for graduate school. I am one of the lucky ones -- no debt. My husband went to a local university and worked his way through, then got a full scholarship to MIT (Masters) and then Harvard (Ph.D.). He is also lucky -- no debt either. We have so much to pay with a mortgage each month and basic costs of living in overpriced Boston, we cannot imagine having to also pay off huge loans. We definitely do NOT want that for our kids. Should they get lucky, as we did, then they can invest the money we've saved for them.


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## nina_yyc (Nov 5, 2006)

To the poster who asked for educational background - we have diplomas from college (DH) and tech school (me.) We are saving as much as possible for DD's education, which probably won't cover all of it. We both paid for school ourselves, although at that time (late 90s) you could get a 2-year diploma without incurring too much debt. I still have the money my parents gave me for university - never went, never spent it, and am now planning to put it towards a down payment on a place. We both work(ed) in an industry where education can get you in the door, but doesn't matter much long-term.

I just want DD to have the best we can give her, and I'm hoping we'll raise her to be smart enough not to waste it. If she does waste it, well, it can't be worse than not having faith in her all this time. Now if she only masters sitting up....


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

We will pay for 4 or 5 years, at the going rate of in-state tuition (including room and board). If they would like to go to a private school, then they'll have to make up the difference in scholarships. If they choose to go to vocational or technical school, and if the tuition is less expensive than 5 years of in-state tuition (sometimes it's not, once you complete your training/apprenticship, ect) then they'll receive the difference upon certification.

And of course, we'll be willing to help them finance stuff and/or offer loans. The goal is to get them with a solid post-secondary field they choose. We're not going to check for grades (since it's really their grades and their business, technically and legally). It's our money and it's either gifted or not. If something happens in the future that leads us to reconsider (for example one commits some horrible crime, or becomes a substance abuser in which case giving them that amount of money w/o strings might be dangerous/unwise) then we will. But when we give it, there's no strings. There's a finite amount of money, we are teaching our children about money management/financial planning ourselves, it's up to them to make good decisions.

I'll cry with/comfort them when they make mistakes, but I consider paying for college a gift, not an obligation. I'd rather they learn about financial managment early, where there are consequences, but also a safety net, than to go crazy-nuts after college (like a lot of folks I know did, and are really paying for it now).


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

We will pay for DS's college. I actually changed my mind on this recently. Initially I thought he could do what I did (live at home and work his way through) but like many others posting on this thread, I realized that with the way college costs are inflating, the odds of him being able to earn anything that would come even close to paying for college is practcally nonexistent.

This goal of paying for college will probably mean that we have one child. But it is important to me to provide this for him. It will make a huge difference in his life and I want him to have a leg up in life.


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## eurobin (Aug 20, 2006)

My husband and I both chose to attend our state university because we both got full scholarships there. Also, we were both RA's, so room and board after our freshman year was free as well. We both graduated wtih B.S. degrees with no student loans.

We have a college savings fund for DD. I'd like to be able to pay for at least the equilivant of in-state tuition for all of her undergrad, and more if possible. At this point, I don't plan to contribute financially beyond her bachelor's degree though.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Yes. The children will contribute as they realistically can. However, we will foot the great majority of the bill. Not out of wealth or pleasure, but how else could they attend?

As difficult as it might be to help that much, we don't know any children making 45k a summer, although they must exist. (That's in 2007 dollars, in case this thread is revived in 2200 or something lol If so, -- the earth is either A. A crater with some Internet hookups and an underground MDC following. (Yeah, Peggy!) Or B. The cost of tuition for a child is over 500k/yr. And if so, raise me from the dead and tell me how much your kid makes each summer teaching Hover Tennis).

Ok then:

I would like to assure those who are making say less than 40k or less than even 60k, that they will get good free money if their child finds the right college. (Not all academic scholarships-- I have no idea where people think that the majority of undergraduate money can come from academic scholarships. (Smart kids are a dime a dozen. What schools want, and lack, are elite athletes. So get those dang tots out on the Hover Soccer field!).

Low income families with bright children (who test well --unless it's 2200 and they have abolished testing) won't have a problem.

Those making more than 50 or 70 k (In 2007 dollars) will have to pay a goodly amount on a 45k a year tuition. That's over half your income, so start saving, Don't move. Take care of, and perhaps make select improvements on your house, so that you can take out home equity loans. (Which is what some friends were told by their child's financial aid office. "You do not qualify for much financial aid, we simply can't give you this money. However, you have a lot of equity. Might we suggest using that equity to help pay your child's tuition bills?" I swear on my G grandmother's grave ( g grandmother I adored) that this is a true exchange).

One can hope your child is one who wants to stay local and live at home. I am working on that as well.


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## Kristine233 (Jul 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamthesmilingone* 
For all you Minnesotan moms:

http://http://education.state.mn.us/...SEO/index.html


This is what I did to pay for my first year of college. It was all free while I was going to PSEO instead of my senior year. The classes counted as high school credits AND college credits. You just have to have a good gpa. My SIL started when she was a junior and got her AS at the same time she got her HS diploma.

This is what I'm going to encourage my kids to do. We will not pay for college, we don't have the means to do so. I'm paying for my college myself right now with 3 kids. My parents are not paying.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Changed my mind.)


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

Yes my experience has dramatically influenced my decision. I graduated with $0 in student loans (magna cum laude too... for people who think I would have pissed my opportunity away because I didn't pay for it myself, lol







). I got to go into a field I loved making peanuts but for something larger some day - a stepping stone to a better opportunity down the road that did eventually pay off. A very dear friend of mine basically took a job she despised because guess what, those loans started to be due and it was killing her - she based her decisions on how much money she would be making that year, not considering where her passion was or where she wanted to be 10 years from then. I took almost a year off UNPAID leave with each baby. She had to go back to work to keep paying her loans. It's not just in your early 20's when it hurts but potentially the impact can last a lot longer than that.


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## SomedayMom (May 9, 2002)

Yes. It will be paid for. All of it as long as they appreciate it. I think that 1. higher education is neccessary for most professions, 2. School is a full time job, and 3. If we have more than enough resources to pay for it and let them concentrate on school, we should pay for it.

FWIW, DH and I both have undergraduate and graduate (doctoral level) degrees. Both sets of parents paid for as much as they could, but that still left us with a good load of debt. We were very lucky to be in high income professions and got rid of it fast, but it's a burden we would not choose for our own children.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I don't know. If I can afford it, I will pay for it.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kajira* 
my kids get a almost free first degree from my country of origin, since I own property and pay plenty taxes every year there you bet I'll tell them take advantage of that, then their second degree would be funded by family, if they choose not to do a second that money goes towards their first home

Damn, I have to know where this is?


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

We will pay for up to 5 years of in-state college assuming our kids will live at home while they attend school. If they choose out-of-state or private schools, or wish to have their own apartment during college, they can pay the extra costs.

I lived at home during college -- my mom paid all my living expenses and tuition fees; I paid for my books, gas, and car insurance. I graduated with no debt, took a few years off, then put myself through credential school, again graduating with no debt.


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## Leylla (Aug 22, 2006)

IN Georgia, undergrad education is free if you maintain a 3.0 GPA. This was how I made it through college completely debt free. And I actually profited b/c we were so poor I received a pell grant on top of it.

If my kids wish to attend college, they will graduate HS w/ a 3.0 and maintain that 3.0 through college. HOPE pays for tuition and $150 towards books a semester. I will cover any aditional book costs. If they wish to attend a university further from home, they will have to take out loans or save their own money to pay room and board.

The same scholorship covers TECH schools, and the same rules apply.

If this doesn't suit them, they are free to take out loans all day long, or join the military.

I will support them in the sense I will be their biggest cheer leader, and I will give them a place to live during college. I will not however foot the entire bill like it is a right.

And yes, a part of that is from how I had to get my education. I worked my tail off for it, and watched SO many people come in on Mommy and Daddy's dime and waste it by drinking and partying all the time. While I had a 5mo old baby and a husband and a full time job myself. But, to me, it's all about how hard you want it. If you want it bad enough, keeping a 3.0 is not that hard.

Steph


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## SquishyKitty (Jun 10, 2005)

We recently found out about 529's and are planning to set one up for DS. You can buy tuition credits at the current rate, for when they go to school. So, even if the rates inflate 200% by the time they turn 18 and graduate, they will still go to college on the rates set in 2007 or whenever you started buying them.

You can also transfer them across to other states, or cash out if the child decides not to go to school (penalty and taxes), or transfer them to other family members.


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## zjandosmom (Dec 13, 2004)

We plan on sending our kids to college. We have529s set up now. I really hope we can do this. We won't be able to afford an Ivy League and our state has a really great scholarship program which I pray is still in place when my kids are in college. For those we say their kids can live with them I have to say that the college 'experience' includes living away from mom and dad. I would not want my kids to miss out on that. I did not do the traditional college thing after high school but my friends did and it sure seemed like fun! I wouldn't mind my kids taking a year off after high school to work and live on their own (they would foot their own bills during this time) to get a taste of what that is like. I think they would really appreciate college at that point! My feelings may change as the time gets closer....we have a bit. FWIW- when I decided to go to college I lived on my own and paid my own bills. I did have a scholarship which covered tuition. I worked really hard and was very tired!!! I was also very proud that I was doing it on my own. Never did finish thought







dh and I got transferred out of state 1 yr before I got my degree.







:


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I would love to save for my kids' college, but right now I am just managing to afford to feed and house them, so saving will have to wait. My mom was a single mom and poor, and I had to rely on my own efforts to go to college, and I did fine. I did two years of Americorps to help pay off loans. But college is getting so expensive and financial aid keeps getting cut so I really worry about my kids.


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## momma4fun (Jan 23, 2007)

IME, student loans are NO BIG DEAL. Together DP-PhD has 80,000 in debt. We pay about 200/month, according to the salary chart. THere is NO MOTIVATION to pay it off any faster. THe interest rate is so freakin low that there is NO interest. We were able to lock in on that right before it got raised 2 years ago.

We will not be saving for college tuition for our daughters. They can take care of it if they want to. I'm sure the grandparents might want to help a bit.

If we do manage to save some it will be to fund our daughter's travels and hobbies, which we will encourage them to pursue for a year or2 right out of high school. Or, if they want to go to school right away, we will give them what we saved. But, I really don't think we will save any. We send them to private Waldorf schools, so that's our contribution to their education.

I have a lot of faith that the educational costs levy is going to break by the time they are ready for college (in 16-18 years). I hope that by then, education should be free. There's already such huge signs of inequality -- the poor can't go as easily anymore since Bush lowered the $$ available, bachelor's degrees don't really cut it anymore, and unless you're a nurse, the most widely available jobs these days are hiring for associate's degrees or PhD's. Something's gotta change.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RedWine* 
My kids will both have about $100K each by the time they are 18. I hope that inflation will not rise too much and that the money will actually pay for something -- like at least two years of a prestigious private college if they choose to go that route.

If my husband is successful in selling his company, than we will make sure they each have at least $500K for school and what not. Yes, $500K each. I want them to be able to get a Ph.D. if they want one, without incurring any student loans.









Will you adopt me? I'm really cute.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zjandosmom* 
For those we say their kids can live with them I have to say that the college 'experience' includes living away from mom and dad. I would not want my kids to miss out on that.

Sure it's fun, and that's great if you can afford it, but I don't plan on spending tens of thousands of extra dollars per year just so my kids can experience living on their own -- when they want to live on their own, they'll get to experience the responsibility that comes with all that fun and freedom.

I've known students who got their own (parent-funded) apartment even though their college was within reasonable driving distance of home, and I have to say that most of them did not truly appreciate or respect the enormity of what their parents were providing them.

I'm fine with my kids living in dorms or off-campus during college, but I don't believe that it's my responsibility to finance that desire.


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## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

My dd is in her second/ third year of college and I paid for her to live in a dorm for one year because I wanted her to get truly immersed in campus life. To me, making those friendships and learning to live with a roommate are just as important for her 'education' as attending lectures are. She now lives in her first apartment and I am contributing $300 a month toward her living expenses; but she has to earn the rest ($300 won't even pay the rent much less food, insurance, travel, utilities, cable and cell phone etc. if she chooses to get those.)

I'm not doing it so she can have "fun". I actually think that figuring out a budget, learning to live within it and to pay your own bills on time is a huge responsibility. One that is an essential part of becoming an adult in our society.

I plan to reduce my contributions toward her living expenses next year and then eliminate them completely the year after so that when she graduates college she will be completely on her own financially, but it will occur gradually over her 4 years in school.


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

Absolutely - I feel it is my responsibility to provide, to the best of my ability, the opportunity for my daughter (and any subsequent children) to pursue post-secondary education when she's ready for it.

eta, in response to MissSavannahsMommy's question:
I have a BA earned with financial support from my parents via loans taken on my behalf, significant aid from my alma mater in the form of grants, significant aid from an external scholarship, Stafford loans in my name and work-study. My mom and Bryn Mawr always handled all the paper work -- I was utterly shielded from that aspect of the process. All I did was show up at the financial aid office to sign for my loans. It was a tremendous gift: attending Bryn Mawr was life-changing in many ways (not least of which is that I met my husband while a student there).

Both of my grandmothers earned undergraduate degrees. My mother and father have master's degrees. Education has long been valued in my family, for both girls and boys -- perhaps because the girls have worked outside the home for the past three generations at least (I don't know much beyond my grandparent's generation).


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## RubyV (Feb 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RubyWild* 
Some of you, who will not help your children much for college because you think it's their own responsibility, please keep in mind that even if you don't claim your adult children as dependents, for all the years they're in college, they are ineligible for many grants and lower interest loans because of your income.

It doesn't matter if you're not particularly rich or even comfortable. When they fill out their financial aid forms, they'll be told how much the government expects you, the parents, to contribute. So, your college "child" is going to have to pay back loans at a higher interest rate because of their parents' earnings.


This is so true. It's one of the things that did me in. I worked full time to pay for my education, and all that did was hurt me more, because it was combined with my parents small income. I think this is true through age 23? I don't remember right now, but it's an unfortunate truth, whether or not you live at home.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissSavannahsMommy* 
What are the educational backgrounds of all the posters? Does your education influence your decision at all?

Where are all these people finding scholarships and justifying that their children will get these glorious scholarships because i've applied for 23984723984739284732984723 bazillion of them and stopped after i realize i spend so much getting official transcripts and denied by all of the scholarship institutions. I finally stopped applying because it was costing me so much money just to apply for them!

Well, I have a bachelor's degree and had approximately 50 percent of it covered by scholarships (mostly teeny private ones).

They're not 'glorious', they tended to be in the $500-1000 range each. Some I needed to reapply for every year. It's a lot of work to write all the crap essays, ect, and you have to spend some time researching every possible angle of ties to scholarship eligibility. But for me, I liked doing that better than working through the year, as personal preference. My college career center had a scholarship database, but in my senior year in high school I was paper-searching at the local library (and made friends with the librarians, who helped me).

It's one thing to say it didn't work out for you, for whatever reason...but it is a strategy that I used successfully, and I have to admit--it probably annoys me just as much to have people say "Oh WHO could do THAT ugh!" as it does you to have people mention that possibility.

I wasn't valedictorian (I had good grades, but not a 4.0), but I received more scholarships than all of our valedictorians combined because I actually applied for them. I even got some that I declined. It's helpful to have a high-er GPA (mine was 3.7 or something like that), and high scores on the stupid standardized tests. You have to be willing to do a lot of busy work and it's very helpful if you have somone who can coach you through what's worth applying for and what's not (I credit my librarians for that).

Edited to add in response to other responses: To be honest, if the financial situation is such that the parents can't contribute very much, then it's really not going to kill someone to work for a few years before going straight from HS to college. While I won't push my kids to do that, I'm definitely going to encourage them to consider AmeriCorps (if it's not been destroyed completely by then) or something like that as a buffer between HS and college, unless they're pretty set on what they want to do, even though we are going to be funding post-secondary education for them. The people I've met who did that seemed a little more grounded and a lot less wasteful than people for whom college was a given next step after HS. It's a different story if one has a high drive towards a specific goal, but I think that's relatively rare. I just want my kids to be clear that I'm not going to freak if they decide to delay school (or go to an alternative).


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigerchild* 
Well, I have a bachelor's degree and had approximately 50 percent of it covered by scholarships (mostly teeny private ones).

They're not 'glorious', they tended to be in the $500-1000 range each. Some I needed to reapply for every year. It's a lot of work to write all the crap essays, ect, and you have to spend some time researching every possible angle of ties to scholarship eligibility. But for me, I liked doing that better than working through the year, as personal preference. My college career center had a scholarship database, but in my senior year in high school I was paper-searching at the local library (and made friends with the librarians, who helped me).

I had the same experience. My tuition was low anyway (in state tuition in TX at my university was very reasonable when I attended from 1997-1999, before they lifted the tuition cap - it's more expensive now) and I was able to cover at least 25-50% of my tuition and fees every semester with scholarships. Yes, it was a pain. Yes, it was annoying. But for some scholarships ARE a good way to pay for college. I wasn't even that stellar of a student... I just applied for a lot of scholarships.

I'm just not counting on scholarships to pay my DS's way through college.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nonconformnmom* 
My dd is in her second/ third year of college and I paid for her to live in a dorm for one year because I wanted her to get truly immersed in campus life. To me, making those friendships and learning to live with a roommate are just as important for her 'education' as attending lectures are. She now lives in her first apartment and I am contributing $300 a month toward her living expenses; but she has to earn the rest ($300 won't even pay the rent much less food, insurance, travel, utilities, cable and cell phone etc. if she chooses to get those.)

I'm not doing it so she can have "fun". I actually think that figuring out a budget, learning to live within it and to pay your own bills on time is a huge responsibility. One that is an essential part of becoming an adult in our society.

I plan to reduce my contributions toward her living expenses next year and then eliminate them completely the year after so that when she graduates college she will be completely on her own financially, but it will occur gradually over her 4 years in school.

Cool -- like I said, that's great if you can afford it. It sounds like you have a really well thought out plan for helping your daughter learn to live on her own!

I guess we all just have different ideas about what our parental obligations are regarding college (as has been made clear by the variety of answers to this thread). For me, providing a separate place to live is not on my list of "have-to"s. I'm sure this is partly because I lived at home during college, so I don't see the whole dorm thing as being an essential part of the college experience.


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## imalwaysreading (Oct 13, 2005)

I fully intend to cover college costs or trade-school costs, depending on what my children choose.

I will pay tuition, boarding (on campus), and will pay book fees. I will not give them money to live on, they will need to work for that.

I was promised by my own parents that they would cover college and when the time came for me to apply, I was told they chose not to. (Not that they didn't have the money. It was just out of spite.) I ended up graduating with a Master's Degree $65,000 in debt from the student loans I had because I didn't qualify but for one $200 scholarship. I refuse to make my kids go through that. It's a personal choice.


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

We'll pay for college, we're saving for it already and she is only two! Also, both of our parents have stared savings accounts for my DD's college. I'm not sure if we would pay for 100% (I'm not sure where she will go and what it will cost) but I do know that I am up for paying for at least 4 years of state school tuition and room and board.

I don't think it's a bad thing for a kid to take out a loan though, to pay for the rest. But I do feel like it's my privilege to be able to give my child every benefit I can. And, if it comes time, and she wants to go on to grad school and I can pay for it, I will.

If I didn't have the resources that would be another story entirely, but as it stands now, we have the ability to shoulder those bills.


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thismama* 







Will you adopt me? I'm really cute.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ani'smommy* 
I think most colleges are much more expensive now than they used to be. I went to the same college that my parents went to, and while they could work through the summer to make the money to pay for the next year, there is no way I could have made that kind of money. I couldn't have paid for one year working ALL the summers.

A friend of mine actually was ineligible for financial aid one year because she made $8000 in a summer job. Since she was still a dependent on her mother, and had 0 dependents listed on her tax paperwork, they expected her to be able to use that money entirely for school. But, her mother had retired and SHE was supporting her mother with that $8000.

------------

My parents took out a loan on my behalf against their home, since I was 17 and had no credit history, and since with collateral there was a much better interest rate. They paid the interest, and I paid the principle. I paid it back very fast, even though it was a lot of money, because I didn't want to hurt them for retirement.

My husband and I also took out the government-subsidized loans we were eligible for.

The total we owed when we started off our lives was $87,000. It WAS a big burden, and it prevented us from having a family sooner or doing anything we wanted.

-------------

My parents DID save, even 10 years before I was born. But the cost of college rose so much more than expected, that all their 27 years of saving for me was only able to pay for 1 year.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yooper*
OTOH, dh and I both put ourselves through school with no help, scholarships, grants, or anything. We both did have loans and graduated with a combined $50K in the hole. We resolved to continue to live like college students until the debt was paid off. With both of us working full time and continuing our modest lifestyle, we had all of it paid off within 2.5 years. And that was while living in one of the most expensive areas in the U.S. We literally sent in 2/3 of our income each month forgoing cable, eating out, and new clothing. I do think it is quite possible and not too crippling to learn that lesson early on.

That is how we lived. That is how we STILL live. But, I think it WAS crippling, in that we have been longing for children for a decade and only now can we afford for me to be home with them. Had I skipped college entirely, I could have done this 8 years ago.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeannie81*
Well I guess if you only work for 3 months out of the year during the summer, then yeah, it might be hard to pay for. Everyone I know has paid their own way through college (that went, that is) and my SIL is currently paying her own way through. She goes to a decent college full time and lives at home with MIL. She seems to be doing fine.

College students I know can't find a job that pays more than minimum wage, since they do not yet have a degree. Also, employers are hesitant to hire them because they expect them to quit once the summer is over. In addition, those who want to work during the school year are an annoyance to employers because of issues of scheduling around their classes. The employers have thousands of desperate people knocking at their door for these minimum wage jobs who can work any hours they are scheduled. It is simply much more convenient to hire those instead of college students. So, many of the college students I know spend their free time job-hunting and never find anything.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glendora*
Edited to add:

I was third in my class. The "there are scholarships" line is total baloney for most people, and if anyone is telling their kids to depend on scholarships, stop it. It's a pipe dream.

And, the pell grant situation is nearly as bad. I only got through as much as I did, because I got married at 17 and didn't have to count my parent's income. And, that was with a cheap-o state school.

Yeah, I had spectacular grades. I graduated high school with a GPA of 102.55 out of 100 (due to having taken many strenuous college courses and those being weighted into my average) and had a perfect score on the math portion of the SATs. I had a huge amount of extra-curricular activities, including some academic ones and some artistic ones. I had great recommendations from heads of departments who had also been my teachers and knew me personally. I had a Regents Diploma, meaning I got over 90 in every Regents exam I took (and there is a list of the ones you HAVE to take to be eligible...I took many more than were required). I had 5s out of 5 on many Advanced Placement exams, including Calculus BC (the harder one that counts as 2 college courses) and English. I was a well-rounded student with no "bad subject".

As for grants and loans, I was entitled to a little over $1000 loan the first year, a little over $2000 the second and third year, and a little over $3000 the fourth year. Total loans I could get through the student loan programs: less than $9000. I searched very hard for grants and scholarships, and didn't find any that i was eligible for.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnysideup*
When my parents went to college, back in the '60s, education was a priority for this country. Anyone could go to almost any state university for almost nothing. Our state University was under a $100 per semester for tuition including books for a full-time student (that's be less than $400 in today's dollars). Today it costs around $10,000 a year.

When my father went to college, he worked one weekend a month unloading cargo at the port and was able to pay all his tuition and books at LIU (Long Island University) in NY, and his share of rent and expenses (he rented a brownstone with 2 other guys). He had money left over for dating.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glendora*
Okay, but what's that do for your 3.9 kid?

'Cause that was me. 3.98. AP. Extra curriculars. Trailer trash. The whole nine yards.

For bupkiss. I got 180 dollars total in scholarships.

It's better to tell your kid that you just don't care if they go, than it is to tell them to depend on scholarship money.

Sounds like me. My high school gave me about a dozen awards at graduation. One of them included a $100 bond (worth $100 at the end of 10 years). I think I got a scholarship for $75 offered to me if I went to school in NY State, but I ended up going out of state at first.

I interviewed with Harvard and Yale. I know the guy from Harvard really liked me. He told me that he was concerned that I wasn't going to get in because of the financial situation. Harvard doesn't want people who need financial aid, they want people who can donate to the school.

Quote:

Quote:
PSEO offers high school juniors and seniors (whether currently in public, nonpublic, or home schools) the opportunity to take courses at eligible post-secondary institutions. Students must meet the admissions requirements of the post-secondary institution, but do not pay for tuition, fees, or books.
Yeah, I highly recommend taking opportunities like this to get college credits at a discount. I was able to take those Advance Placement courses for only about $75 per class. If I got a high enough grade, it counted for college credit (depends on the course and the college). It saved me half a year.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nonconformnmom*
Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?

I lived the first semester away from home. I thought it would be a good idea for me to get out on my own and be more independent. Quickly I realized that i did not want to live with other 18 year old girls. They were free from their parents for the first time and simply went wild. It was so difficult to get any work done or get any sleep. There was a constant temptation to go out and party with them instead of doing what I should have been doing (i didn't give in to the temptation....i took care of business first). I was already so much more grown up than they were -- my interests and values were so different.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RubyWild*
Our culture deals with education very poorly, expecting unestablished teenagers to take on the burden of tens of thousands of government loans with the idea that said government will then provide an excellent economy in which the graduate can then establish themselves and pay off the loans over the nexts 20-30 years when they should be saving for a home and retirement.

It took my husband 3 years to find a job doing what he studied for. In the mean time, he took what he could get -- usually temp work doing data entry. It was decent money (sometimes as high as $24 an hour, and some temp contracts as long as 6 months) but we couldn't count on it. The economy was just in a bad place when he graduated. For me too. I ended up making much less money than I expected after graduation.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2 in August*
I've seen too many parents (both of my friends and in our families) were the parents either resented that they were paying for their kids schooling or that they became obsessed with what classes were being taken, where the kid was living, how many times a major was changed, etc. I've also seen the "if you don't do it our way we'll cut off your $". I don't want that kind of dynamic.

We aren't saving SPECIFICALLY for college, but we are big savers.

We are also not big believers that a 4 year Bachelor's degree is necessarily the best way to go. My father insisted that I MUST have "an education, not a training" so i was forbidden to do anything that involved specific career training. I was supposed to learn skills related to judgment, analytical ability, leadership, etc. Nice to have, but not practical wen searching for an entry-level position. My sister now wants to do a technical program, but my father doesn't want to hear it. We are trying to persuade him that the world is not the same as it was 40 years ago when he was starting out. She wants to be employable, and the idea of what is employable has changed.

I hope to encourage my children to consider a variety of career options and education options. It may or may not involve attending a university. I would like to have an open dialog about what they want to do, and based on their serious interest we could contribute money out of our family savings. Ideally, they would make a proposal to us and we would accept or decline (based on how serious and thought-out it was). I don't want to send them to a 4 year private university when they have no clue what they want to do and will just take random courses for 3 years. That is too much money for something that will not give much future benefit to them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissSavannahsMommy*
That was going to be my other question as well!!!

What are the educational backgrounds of all the posters? Does your education influence your decision at all?

Absolutely.

The fact that we paid so much in loans for good schools and got spectacular grades and didn't end up doing as well as hoped in the job market DEFINITELY affects the way my DH and I look at college educations.

The last job I had before I quit to become a SAHM started me out at $30,000 in NYC (expensive place) in 2003. I am certain that if, instead of going to college, I had worked in an office environment right out of high school and slowly rose through the ranks due to my competence and communication skills, I could have done better than that by 2003. And just imagine if we had been able to SAVE all that money made during that time, instead of paying OUT for tuition and loans!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momma4fun*
IME, student loans are NO BIG DEAL. Together DP-PhD has 80,000 in debt. We pay about 200/month, according to the salary chart. THere is NO MOTIVATION to pay it off any faster. THe interest rate is so freakin low that there is NO interest. We were able to lock in on that right before it got raised 2 years ago.

Since the vast majority of my student loans were taken out by my parents in their name against their house, I had a lot of incentive to pay it off fast. I payed them at least $500 per month, and whenever we had saved up a few thousand we gave it to them. We just finished paying them back.

At the same time as paying them all this money, we were paying government-subsidized student loans back at $200/month. We also have them locked in at a low interest rate, so we are not paying them back any earlier than necessary. We just make sure to have enough savings to cover it in case we want to pay it off sooner. Right now we make more in interest on that money sitting in a bank account than the interest we are paying, so we just make our monthly payments.

We had been paying all this back on my salary of approx $30,000 a year, plus whatever my husband could bring in with his temp jobs.

My parents were VERY concerned about putting financial stress on me. They kept telling me to take my time paying back. They didn't want me to start making payments right away. They didn't want me to pay so much per month. They wanted me to "get on my feet" first. But, I knew they were hurting and needed it. My father retired (his job ceased to exist) a few months after I graduated. I knew that the longer I took, the more interest would accrue and the more stress on my mom who was still working.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigerchild*
Well, I have a bachelor's degree and had approximately 50 percent of it covered by scholarships (mostly teeny private ones).

They're not 'glorious', they tended to be in the $500-1000 range each. Some I needed to reapply for every year. It's a lot of work to write all the crap essays, ect, and you have to spend some time researching every possible angle of ties to scholarship eligibility. But for me, I liked doing that better than working through the year, as personal preference. My college career center had a scholarship database, but in my senior year in high school I was paper-searching at the local library (and made friends with the librarians, who helped me).

It's one thing to say it didn't work out for you, for whatever reason...but it is a strategy that I used successfully, and I have to admit--it probably annoys me just as much to have people say "Oh WHO could do THAT ugh!" as it does you to have people mention that possibility.

I tried that. I even spent a considerable amount of money to access databases of scholarships that were available. I was paying out more than I was taking in. By far.


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

As soon as I graduate we'll start a fund.

We will help monetarily as much as we can. If we are unable to pay for college we will make sure she knows how to get money in others ways (through loans, grants, scholarships, etc).

Why would we do this? to help her get a foot up in the world with less financial struggles, or so we hope. Also an education is more than just learning math, science, english. It's about experiencing a new world and benefitting from that experience in your adult life. Through college she may have the opportunity to meet people with diverse backgrounds, travel to another country (through clubs) etc.


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## Throkmorton (Jun 30, 2003)

We are sort of saving for higher education. We do have some money set aside, but no where near enough for 2 kids to go through 4 years of university.

Most likely, we will steer the kids towards trades training (should they enjoy such a thing) Why? Not having a degree is not the end of the world. My little brother is a HD mechanic. He loves his job, it's pretty low-stress and he makes more money than my building engineer DH. (now, for those of you who think mechanic's training is slack, it isn't! Don't think your local mechanic is a moron just because he didn't take 4 years of fine arts and poli sci! Ok, end PSA for the day.)

The kids can live here free, and we will probably have money to pay either books or tuition, not both. IME, living in a town with about 6000 university students, the kids that pay their way tend to be a much more motivated group, especially if they have taken a couple years off to work. The kids who are living off their parent's money don't seem to have quite the same appreciation for what it takes to pay their expenses.


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## AmyJayne19 (Nov 11, 2006)

Because our government decided to give all us Canadians with kids $100 a month per kid, my DP and I decided to put it into RESPs for our 2 boys. Its not going to be much by the time they go to school but at least its something to get them started.


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## kofduke (Dec 24, 2002)

I try not to read the responses to the college threads, becuase they really tend to upset me a lot (I'm not really sure why), so I'm gonna say my part without reading the other responses.

I will do the best I can to fund my children's college expenses. This includes tuition, room and board and books. We are saving a bit now, will save more next year when I start working again, and the grandparents regularly make lump-sum contributions and then get small holiday gifts rather than buying material things to excess. I think college degrees are for many jobs the new high school diploma unless it's a specific trade, and it's to me a practical necessity as well as an experience that cannot be replicated.

I will push for them to live in dorms unless there's some reason not to - I think it's probably the most important part of the liberal arts college experience - to be learning from reading and from professors, and tossing those ideas around with other students, having arguments at 2:00 a.m. about philosophy, art, political science - it's just something that can't be replicated at other times of life and is an experience I passionately want for them. I'd like them to spend a summer or semester abroad if they want to for the same reasons. For the same reason if they want to do an unpaid summer internship in their field rather than work at an amusement park or something for the summer I will support that as well.

I would prefer they work as little as possible. If it's necessary for spending money or at a job that will contribute to their educational experience, I'm okay with it. In my college experience the kids that were working more than 10-15 hours a week just didn't have the time to devote to their studies and extracurricular pursuits as other students and did not get as much out of their educations.

ETA: Wanted to add my educational experience. My parents paid for my undergraduate (I took out loans, but they repaid since they felt undergrad was their responsibility). At their encouragement, I went to law school (4 years, got a Master's at the same time) - took out loans for that. Practiced law for 5 years, paid $750/month on loans, HATED being a lawyer. They saw how unhappy I was (as did DH and everyone else who knew me, LOL). They also saw that where I live, my teacher DH was making quite a bit more than I was at an attorney for a small firm, as is the case with all but those attorneys working 100 hrs/week at the largest firms. I was not eligible for loans to go back to school for what I wanted to do, so they paid for my certification program to be a school counselor. Yes, at 31, they paid for some of my education. BTW, my parents are not independently wealthy, mom is a teacher and dad was a mail carrier.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Lilya* 
I tried that. I even spent a considerable amount of money to access databases of scholarships that were available. I was paying out more than I was taking in. By far.

With respect, a lot of the "paid" databases are ripoffs. If you were paying someone to search for you or for special things to access, someone was taking advantage of you.









I have no doubt that for some people it wouldn't work out as well. However, I see no need to cast aspertions on those of us for whom it did work out. I am a real, living person, not a bogeyman or a pipe dream. My kids will have access to specialized scholarships due to their ethnic background, and the careers of their parents and grandparents. If someone doesn't KNOW that their kids can get eligibility for a lot of scholarship, well, I agree that it's dumb to rely on that. However, you do not know, when a parent says that the plan on having their kids apply for a lot of scholarships to help fund their education, whether or not THAT family does.

Someone saying that does NOT make them an ignorant, naive person. They might know their situation better than you. Despite the snark, for some folks it can be done. It's irritating to hear folks for whom it obviously didn't work (for whatever reason) somehow insinuating that it's impossible. For a lot of surprising people, it's not. You don't have to have a 4.0. You do have to know what in your past/history/network to tap though. It's not easy, it's a lot of work especially for a teen, and there's lots of people chomping at the bit to rip you off...but as I said, as a personal choice I found the time to be worth it so I didn't have to work full time during the school year. And it wasn't expensive for me.


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## AlexisT (May 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momma4fun* 
IME, student loans are NO BIG DEAL. Together DP-PhD has 80,000 in debt. We pay about 200/month, according to the salary chart. THere is NO MOTIVATION to pay it off any faster. THe interest rate is so freakin low that there is NO interest. We were able to lock in on that right before it got raised 2 years ago.

We will not be saving for college tuition for our daughters. They can take care of it if they want to. I'm sure the grandparents might want to help a bit.

If we do manage to save some it will be to fund our daughter's travels and hobbies, which we will encourage them to pursue for a year or2 right out of high school. Or, if they want to go to school right away, we will give them what we saved. But, I really don't think we will save any. We send them to private Waldorf schools, so that's our contribution to their education.

I have a lot of faith that the educational costs levy is going to break by the time they are ready for college (in 16-18 years). I hope that by then, education should be free. There's already such huge signs of inequality -- the poor can't go as easily anymore since Bush lowered the $$ available, bachelor's degrees don't really cut it anymore, and unless you're a nurse, the most widely available jobs these days are hiring for associate's degrees or PhD's. Something's gotta change.

It will never be free. Europe is moving away from free because it is unsustainable. University in the UK now costs £3K a year ($6K, plus living costs).

I went to college; my father was out of the picture at the time, so I got most of it paid for through TAP/Pell/Stafford Loan. One year private, 4 years state, but I think I would have done at elast as well had I stayed private (BTW Harvard is 100% needs blind now and has eliminated student loans for low income students). I owed about $15K following graduation. My mother said I could apply wherever I wanted but that if the money wasn't enough I couldn't go (she was willing to contribute but with 3 kids to put through college, she only had so much). Both of my parents are college graduates (dad also has JD/MBA), as are my sisters (both went private).

DH went to uni here under the old system, before they abolished grants. He didn't pay a penny for fees, the grant covered part of his expenses and he worked for his dad during the summer to cover the rest. He graduated owing about £1500 in interest-fee overdraft. His degree was more useful than mine too! (Math degree) FWIW, both of his parents are graduates as well, and one of his sisters--the other didn't want to go.

We'll pay whatever we can for the kids to go, wherever they want. We certainly would NEVER refuse to pay on principle since their aid will be judged by our income. Again, those of you saying "they can take care of it" are ignoring the fact that colleges regard you as responsible and you'll be leaving your kids in a really awful position if the school thinks you can pay and you refuse. I really have no idea how it will be in 18 years but my kids are entitled to the best education they can have.

ETA: I don't know which country they'll go to uni in, more likely to be the US as the academic system is more flexible. And if we're living in the States they'll have to pay UK overseas fees which are currently about £11K a year, no financial aid available.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

We have a College fund started and we hope that we will eventually have enough to at least cover the basic cost of college. It will be her responbility to get the grades and such to enter college and to maintain it once shes there. College is expensive and costs are rising. We currently are paying gigantic amounts of student loans from my DH who DID work when in school DID not blow funds and all that but were still faced with whats currently a $45,000 loan and only making $15,000 a year. I still expect she will need to work while in school she might even need to borrow some but I hope not or if she does its very little. This is a very important thing that I want to provide as best I can.

Quote:

Some of you, who will not help your children much for college because you think it's their own responsibility, please keep in mind that even if you don't claim your adult children as dependents, for all the years they're in college, they are ineligible for many grants and lower interest loans because of your income.
yes thats what were going through because DH always had to claim his parents income his loans have a stupid high intrest rate its 8.24% on a remaining $45,000+ loan if we payed $200 a month we would NEVER pay it off. If we pay $350 a month in 35 years well have it payed off. I will do my best not to do this to my child.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

We will more than likely not be. DH's parents didn't pay for his and he still earned a BA and is planning on going to get his masters soon. He also lost his scholorships (because he went to an out of state school for one semester) and we didn't have student loans. Everything was paid for by us. We were married 2 years before he graduated and our daughter was born 6 months before his graduation. We still survived!

The ONLY way we'll be paying for their tuition is if we have a lot of money and they live at home and have their own job. We haven't talked about it but I'm sure we'd pay as long as they have their own job. And not a part time job, a full time job. Hard work is extreamly valued in our family.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

I want more than we surived. We surive living paycheck to paycheck and praying nothing as much as a light bulb burns out or were screwed. Its a bleek existance..Why do some assume helping or paying for college (if possible) means there child will be lazy?? I haven't finished my degree because I made the choice to stop in order to raise my kids thats my choice and one we made after careful consideration. DH however hold a full PH.D. Through college he worked multiple jobs at least one full time and several part time and all at the same time. He did thankfully get a good sized grant for his docorate but the rest he payed his parents gave nothing not so much as $20 for soup nothign and thye are VERY VERY well off. They have this idea that they have no obligation once there kid is 18. (their choice whatever) but despite working many jobs despite applying to multiple scholorships and such he still had massive loans when we married. And to add insult to injury despite his hard work excellent grades and impressive degrees. He makes around $15,000 a year and yes weve been job searching for years. So now hes practically killed him self put his family in extreme debt (and BTW its our only debt).
Right now we have no money to put aside we put away Christmas birthday funds and portions of our tax returns in the future we hope we can really help save and when shes old enough we will teach her to do the same. I also don't plan to force College on my children. If my DD decides to say stay home to raise kids that saving can also go to help fund her being able to do that, or it can go to take classes outside of a college setting. It basically will be their to use as she sees fit our only real requirment will be to "better" her self and life. That can be in many forms.


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
This is an interesting thread, it seems like those who say that the kids will get financial assistance such as scholarships or grants tend to be the folks who didn't go to college themselves.

This is not a slam but an observation both in this thread and in my own life, my ex husband seems to think that our son who will be heading to college in 3 years will get full scholarships to college. My ex did not go to college and I have a BA and a M.Ed that were financed primarily with loans.

Sadly because I went back to school when my son was 6 and finished last year when he was 14, paying for college is one of many things that keeps me up at night.

Shay

Weird that you would say such a thing. I'm currently working on my bachelor's and it is solely through grants, scholarships, and loans.

If we are unable to pay for our child's education she will have to find other sources of money, including scholarships, loans, and grants.

That's all there is to it.


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

also my husband received 2 associates from Pell grants and 2 scholarships and his bachelors through grants, 4 scholarships, and loans.

so why isn't it realistic to believe our daughter could do the same if she needed to?


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Lilya* 
I interviewed with Harvard and Yale. I know the guy from Harvard really liked me. He told me that he was concerned that I wasn't going to get in because of the financial situation. Harvard doesn't want people who need financial aid, they want people who can donate to the school.


Hey there -- in defense of Harvard, they do (at least now, I don't know how it was years ago) want people who need financial aid. Harvard is now free to those with family incomes less than $40,000. Also, most of their graduate programs (in the hard sciences) give full aid for the duration of the program. I got in, and I didn't have a cent.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Potty Diva* 
also my husband received 2 associates from Pell grants and 2 scholarships and his bachelors through grants, 4 scholarships, and loans.

so why isn't it realistic to believe our daughter could do the same if she needed to?

She can lots of people do it every day. People overcome lots not just college. People figure out how to provide mediical care to dying family members despite having no money they figure out how to feed families of 10 off of $50 a month all sorts of situations are overcome. I don't want my child ever thinking because I'm not handing her $50,000 in funds that she can't have a college education. Not at all at the same time college is expensive VERY expensive not everyone has the oppurnuity to go stay at home and go some time even working full time still means massive loans not all even with great grades will recieve scholorships or pell grants. So for us we just want to as best we can provide the oppurnuity I do not want my child/ren to feel the financial stress we do if we can help it. I seriously doubt we will be able to pay it all but we will hope as best we can.


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

Deanna,

Thank you for responding to my post. If I may, I would like to make a gentle suggestion. If at all possible, and only because it was really difficult to follow your post and understand it, could you use puncuation? Thank you.

Peace.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RedWine* 
Hey there -- in defense of Harvard, they do (at least now, I don't know how it was years ago) want people who need financial aid. Harvard is now free to those with family incomes less than $40,000. Also, most of their graduate programs (in the hard sciences) give full aid for the duration of the program. I got in, and I didn't have a cent.









Well, I wouldn't have qualified for that either. My parents, both working, made more than $40,000. NYC is an expensive city, so what sounds like a lot of money in other parts of the country is almost nothing here. $40,000, after taxes, would probably just cover rent on a 2 bedroom apartment, and maybe a little more than that.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RedWine* 
Hey there -- in defense of Harvard, they do (at least now, I don't know how it was years ago) want people who need financial aid. Harvard is now free to those with family incomes less than $40,000. Also, most of their graduate programs (in the hard sciences) give full aid for the duration of the program. I got in, and I didn't have a cent.









I could spinoff a whole other thread about the ivies (and the like - top 25 liberal arts schools etc., even the top state schools) and how they have institutionalized racism, sexism, classism... in EVERYTHING - from admissions to student housing to athletics.

I also went to a "great school" and it's only with a little distance that I can see that with very very few exceptions, the people who were on financial aid were still the "right kind of people" (their perspective NOT mine) who still fit well within their schema for what smart, intelligent, upwardly mobile people looked like / sounded like / dressed like / cared about / studied / aspired to be.

I also have a really hard time with the fact that they've been dragged kicking and screaming into an era of even pretending to be diverse (and I do fully believe the diversity is "paper diversity" only). Let's face it - Harvard wouldn't exist if rich white people from Conneticut suddenly stopped sending their kids there... so they are completely devoted to and reliant on that "type" (wherever they live) continuing to make up a large portion of the student body.

Anyway I've







enough about it as it is lol, but just didn't want people to get the idea that Harvard is somehow the great free melting pot of the north or something.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Lilya* 
Well, I wouldn't have qualified for that either. My parents, both working, made more than $40,000. NYC is an expensive city, so what sounds like a lot of money in other parts of the country is almost nothing here. $40,000, after taxes, would probably just cover rent on a 2 bedroom apartment, and maybe a little more than that.

Yep. That's a huge problem - what families do you know can afford FIFTY TWO THOUSAND dollars a year in cash??? You need to be making nearly $100K *just to pay for college*!! And you have to be seriously upper income in order for $52K per year not to hurt BAD. And heaven help you if you have more than 1 kid in college at the same time, which A LOT of people do!

To get the "free ride", you have to be extremely poor... but still ace the SATs, do lots of AP courses, write an eloquent essay, and sail through your interview with a male 65 year-old Harvard alum who's been dispatched to your state to interview "some diversity candidates". Forget the fact that a lot of high schools don't do AP classes, the SATs are racially biased, speaking like "a rich white kid from Conneticut" isn't something that most families try hard to instill in their children (just laughing at the thought), etc. It's a bit of a stacked deck. But they sure are happy to give that kid a free ride when they finally find their great white hope. He'll even be positioned behind the President when he's speaking (good for photo ops), asked to join Student Government, and invited to attend alumni fundraising brunches. It's a racket.


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## PaganScribe (Feb 14, 2003)

I haven't read all the replies yet, but I will say that yes, my stbx and I plan to pay for as much of my son's college education as we possibly can, and we work hard to set aside money to do that. We are (well, he is) in a financial position where we can do a very good job at that, and Nate will have a great deal of money available to him for college, wherever he chooses to go.

STBX and I both graduated from college without a single cent of student loan debt -- he did it through scholarships and summer jobs, I did it through scholarships and parental help. (And yes, I'm talking the big-deal full-ride kind of scholarships -- my parents paid for my living expenses at a school 500 miles away from home, but never paid a cent in tuition or fees because of my scholarships. Husband had an even bigger scholarship than I did. Neither one of us was from a "very poor" family but we were both from very economically depressed rural areas, and neither of us went to a school that even offered AP courses. As a high school teacher, I'm aware that those kinds of scholarships are very difficult to procure, but they are not impossible. Just for the record, we both went to Texas A&M, which was an out-of-state school for both of us -- I'm from Mississippi and he's from Arkansas.) I think being able to start out, with a degree, in life with NO debt was probably the most meaningful "gift" my parents ever gave me and I am very appreciative of it, every day.

I hear all the time about people who don't "value" their education because they didn't have to pay for it, and I have NEVER run across that attitude. Everyone I know who was "given" a college education is very grateful for it and works hard to both take advantage of their education and to have the ability to provide the same for their children. Both of my sisters, through a series of poor choices, have been left with a great deal of student loan debt. Looking at how easy MY life has been, financially, compared to theirs makes me grateful every day that my parents were willing and able to do what they did for me. I consider it an obligation to provide as much of that for my son (and any other children I may have) as I can, and to be honest, whether or not I can do that for another child has played a very large role in my decision whether or not to have another one.


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## JenniferH (Feb 24, 2005)

I will help her as much as I can and I'm looking into setting up a 529 next year with my tax return. Since the amount of financial aid she's eligible for will be directly impacted by my income until age 23, I feel I'm obligated to help her get a start.

I don't want her to end up dropping out of college like I did because I had to work full time to make sure I didn't get evicted or get my car repossessed -- both of which happened to me while I was in college.

That kind of stress is just unnecessary, especially when academic scholarships are dependent upon GPA. I will encourage her to take some time off after high school and really make a decision about what she wants to do. I don't feel it's necessary to go to college immediately after high school anyway. I think if I had taken some time off, caught my breath, and really found myself I wouldn't have switched majors three times and gotten frustrated because I wasn't happy with what I was doing.

Either way, she can live at home free as long as she's in college. If she decides to go the job route I expect her to contribute something to the household budget if she wants to live at home.

My credit is ruined right now primarily because I can't afford to pay my student loan every month. I don't want her to face that when she's trying to buy a house or start a family.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Potty Diva* 
also my husband received 2 associates from Pell grants and 2 scholarships and his bachelors through grants, 4 scholarships, and loans.

so why isn't it realistic to believe our daughter could do the same if she needed to?

Income has a lot to do with it. In my case, when I started college I was a single mama with a fairly low income so I qualified for decent aid, that was at a junior college. (hell, I even remember getting a pell grant and this was back when it was a decent sum







)

I later transferred to a 4 year school, was no longer single and our family income was not low income by a long shot though we also did not have the cash to just pay for school out right. Needless to say there was no pell grant and our EFC was pretty darn high something like 15-20K ( i went to a private school).

The thing is like others have said when your child is 17/18 and applying for college, the financial aid folks will be looking at your income and that will impact what she gets.

Its not impossible to get grants & scholarships however I think as more folks go to college there is just not enough free money out there. COnsidering that I have a kid who is 3 years from college, I am not betting his college education on the availability of free money based off my own experiences.

Howeever these are just my experiences, take it for what its worth.

Shay


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## texmama (Jun 4, 2005)

Yes, I plan on helping my kids. My parents both worked very hard to help me through college. I had to work summers to contribute to tuition, and I had to work during the school year for my own spending money - but 4 years of college was paid for. Anything after that was my responsibility - you can bet I worked my butt off to get my BS in 4 years, and that included transferring to another school. I appreciate all that my parents did for me and in no way take my education for granted.


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## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

Another suggestion, and what we did for dd, is to have your child go to a community college for the first year or two. It costs half as much (as in-state tuition to a state university, say) and the credits transfer all the same. That not only saves money, it gives the youngster a chance to determine whether college is right for them at that particular point in time, and to get a feel for what is expected academically, without being thrown into the big pool and told to sink or swim.

It's like, the ultimate two-fer.


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Potty Diva* 
As soon as I graduate we'll start a fund.

We will help monetarily as much as we can. If we are unable to pay for college we will make sure she knows how to get money in others ways (through loans, grants, scholarships, etc).

Why would we do this? to help her get a foot up in the world with less financial struggles, or so we hope. Also an education is more than just learning math, science, english. It's about experiencing a new world and benefitting from that experience in your adult life. Through college she may have the opportunity to meet people with diverse backgrounds, travel to another country (through clubs) etc.

This is a great post and it sums up very well why I want to contribute as much as I can to finance my children's education. (I'm pretty sure this also pretty much exactly sums up my parents' approach to the matter.)

Unless there are major changes in the way children are educated in the U.S. in the next 18 years, the depth and intensity of study at a strong university or college are transformative experiences not available (and, teenagers what they are, perhaps not even possible) prior to completion of high school.


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## *LoveBugMama* (Aug 2, 2003)

Here in Norway education is free, from 1.grade through university.. (Ofcourse, we have privateschools that cost money, but all universities are free.)

So my son doesn`t have to pay for school, and I don`t have to save up money for that, either.







Most people take up studentloans anyway. To pay for livingexpences etc. But if Noah wants to live at home while studying, I would be happy to have him home. Then he would just need a small parttime job to get some spending money. And to help pay some food etc.

ETA: I DO save for my son. Not much, but a little every month. (I am a single SAHM, and money is extemely tight.) But the money doesn`t have to go towards education, since education is free in Norway.


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Periwinkle* 
I could spinoff a whole other thread about the ivies (and the like - top 25 liberal arts schools etc., even the top state schools) and how they have institutionalized racism, sexism, classism... in EVERYTHING - from admissions to student housing to athletics.

I also went to a "great school" and it's only with a little distance that I can see that with very very few exceptions, the people who were on financial aid were still the "right kind of people" (their perspective NOT mine) who still fit well within their schema for what smart, intelligent, upwardly mobile people looked like / sounded like / dressed like / cared about / studied / aspired to be.

I also have a really hard time with the fact that they've been dragged kicking and screaming into an era of even pretending to be diverse (and I do fully believe the diversity is "paper diversity" only). Let's face it - Harvard wouldn't exist if rich white people from Conneticut suddenly stopped sending their kids there... so they are completely devoted to and reliant on that "type" (wherever they live) continuing to make up a large portion of the student body.

Anyway I've







enough about it as it is lol, but just didn't want people to get the idea that Harvard is somehow the great free melting pot of the north or something.









I agree that Harvard is not the "great free melting pot of the north." That's a really funny quote, by the way.









However, I don't think Harvard would cease to exist if there were no more "rich white people from Conneticut..sending their kids there." Harvard has a zillion dollars, they don't need to accept any more rich families.

I don't know enough about the inside workings of Harvard to agree or disagree with the rest of your post. I do know that the people I went to school with there -- people from Argentina, Canada, the USA, Kenya, and India -- were all extremely nice, intelligent, wonderful people.


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## Hazelnut (Sep 14, 2005)

I think it's a great gift for a child- I enjoyed graduating not crushed by debt and felt freer to explore working without just worrying about paying debt. I probably took it for granted in a way, but I didn't slack or not work hard b/c of it.

We started funds for each after their birth, but at this point the contirbutions have stopped for a while, sadly. I hope to pay for as much as possible, but with tuition so high it's likely we won't be able to fund it all, even if we save over the next 18 years. It depresses me how high it is for so many schools. And I had a great experience going out of state and enjoying a different part of the country. I doubt I'll be able to give that to my kids. In my mind, funding hundreds of thousands for each kid is just not realistic for most people. We just don't make a lot. I feel like we'll have to win the lottery or maybe we'll be able to use some inherited money or something. I don't see how else we could pay for full tuition for more than one.

That said, I will put retirement savings first. And then just save as much as I can for them.


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## momma4fun (Jan 23, 2007)

ok, look up my earilier post in this thread id you want to.

I have realized since reading further in this thread, that I will encourage my kids to go to school once the are considered INDEPENDENT. Then they can get their own loans at great interest rates, rather than me being responsible for them.


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## swebster (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Periwinkle* 
I could spinoff a whole other thread about the ivies (and the like - top 25 liberal arts schools etc., even the top state schools) and how they have institutionalized racism, sexism, classism... in EVERYTHING - from admissions to student housing to athletics.

I also went to a "great school" and it's only with a little distance that I can see that with very very few exceptions, the people who were on financial aid were still the "right kind of people" (their perspective NOT mine) who still fit well within their schema for what smart, intelligent, upwardly mobile people looked like / sounded like / dressed like / cared about / studied / aspired to be.

I also have a really hard time with the fact that they've been dragged kicking and screaming into an era of even pretending to be diverse (and I do fully believe the diversity is "paper diversity" only). Let's face it - Harvard wouldn't exist if rich white people from Conneticut suddenly stopped sending their kids there... so they are completely devoted to and reliant on that "type" (wherever they live) continuing to make up a large portion of the student body.

Anyway I've







enough about it as it is lol, but just didn't want people to get the idea that Harvard is somehow the great free melting pot of the north or something.









My experience working in the admissions office at MIT (you know, the other, better Harvard







) was that a lot of smart caring people worked incredibly hard to create a diverse, creative, talented and deserving student body. Although the dean of admissions never graduated college herself....


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swebster* 
My experience working in the admissions office at MIT (you know, the other, better Harvard







) was that a lot of smart caring people worked incredibly hard to create a diverse, creative, talented and deserving student body. Although the dean of admissions never graduated college herself....









Yes, I believe this -- my husband is a Professor at MIT. He is constantly complaining about how it is difficult to hire people from a diverse background, since so few people who are considered "diverse" even apply (for a Post-Doc). I've discussed classism, etc. with him at MIT when the whole Larry fiasco (ex-Pres of Harvard) happened. He insists that in his department, and within the Media Lab (where he works), people are VERY interested in creating as diverse a community as possible, from students to Professors.

I think it's easy to bash Ivy institutions because they are considered to be the elite. I'm not saying I do or I don't beieve Periwinkle. I just know my experience at Harvard (and talking with my husband for an MIT perspective) gives me the opposite impression.


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Periwinkle* 
Yep. That's a huge problem - what families do you know can afford FIFTY TWO THOUSAND dollars a year in cash??? You need to be making nearly $100K *just to pay for college*!! And you have to be seriously upper income in order for $52K per year not to hurt BAD. And heaven help you if you have more than 1 kid in college at the same time, which A LOT of people do!

It's a "retirement" that happens earlier (usually). As such, it's something you plan to save for well in advance of the event's arrival. I'm not discounting the fact that the price tag for a top-tier private university or college is colossal (and perhaps not the best value out there, but that is definitely a function of the fit of the student and the university), but it's not reasonable to describe it in terms of something you would be paying for with this week's pay check (meaning, "current" income, rather than savings).

Also, re: diversity and classism - check out the Washington Monthly's "rankings" of universities and colleges out there. I think you'd be surprised (and somewhat refreshed) by the results.
2006 ranking:
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/fea...legechart.html

2005 ranking:
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/fea...legeguide.html


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WNB* 
it's not reasonable to describe it in terms of something you would be paying for with this week's pay check (meaning, "current" income, rather than savings).

Of course. Not sure that anything I said is in conflict with this. the REASON most people need savings is because they can't afford to write a check for the tuition out of their paycheck. That's kind of the point of the thread, and I was just pointing out that you'd need to be making literally HUNDREDS of thousands of dollars a year (honestly.... $500K - $750K and up) for two kids in college not to hurt BAD.

Quote:

My experience working in the admissions office at MIT (you know, the other, better Harvard ) was that a lot of smart caring people worked incredibly hard to create a diverse, creative, talented and deserving student body.
MIT is - to a degree - a totally different ballgame. It is a technology focused / trade focused school, not an elite liberal arts college or Ivy League university. It, like Carnegie Mellon, Cal Tech, London School of Economics, gosh even RISD and the like, a lot more focused on skill sets and have historically been less concerned with courting the upper class as opposed to just going after brainiacs no matter where they come from or look like. I will say, however, that there is inherent bias in favoring a perfect SAT Math score or 5's on AP Calc exams etc.... as these tests themselves are biased against lower income and racial diversity but that is a whole other thread.

*****
My experience working HEAVILY with the admissions offices at elite colleges and universities is that either a.) they CARE about diversity but the administration undermines it or doesn't put their money where their mouths are with actually changing how recruiting happens and admissions factors are weighted... or b.) they are totally and completely elitist ___s who are blind to their own racism and classism.

I also freely admit and perhaps should have said this, that IT/tech focused schools (I have specifically recruited from MIT, CMU, VA Tech, and WPI and the IT/tech programs at other universities & colleges) tend to be very egalitarian compared to the others, especially nowadays, where many of the great developers / architects / IT program managers are Indian and southeast Asian - many by birth - and I have also seen a lot of Russians in particular and immigrants from Eastern European countries. I still think there is tremendous work to do to bring more women into these positions and the deck still seems to be stacked against seeing more black, hispanic, and Native Americans -- in other words, when you peel back a few layers, it often turns out that the "diversity" numbers come from highly educated Indian and Southeast Asian and Russian YOUNG MEN, which is great, but leaves a lot of room for improvement in the other areas I mentioned.


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

My bad - I guess I misread your post. I don't see using savings for the purpose intended as hurting, even if it is a lot of money. I will probably be singing a different tune when DD is closer to that point though -- she's only 10 months now, so my own college bills are closer in time than hers will be. (though just barely.. and gosh, that's making me feel old.)


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## Trillian (Nov 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swebster* 
My experience working in the admissions office at MIT (you know, the other, better Harvard







) was that a lot of smart caring people worked incredibly hard to create a diverse, creative, talented and deserving student body. Although the dean of admissions never graduated college herself....









MIT also has "need-blind" admissions - meaning they don't look at your ability to pay before you are admitted, and they guarantee financial aid to any admitted student who needs it. I am the very grateful beneficiary of their policy, since my parents never paid a dime for my education. (My family lived reasonably well but were quite poor on paper.) I did have to work part-time (as a research assistant on campus) and take out student loans totaling about $25K, but the majority of the cost was paid for with grants from the university.

My DH and I both feel that if our kids are smart enough, they will be able to go to an institution that will pay their way, as we did. If they aren't that ambitious, they can go to a state school where we expect to be able to pay the tuition when the time comes. Or maybe we'll be back in Canada by that time, where university tuition is a fraction of what it is here.

Incidentally, the way things turned out I would not have been any better off had my parents saved for my education. MIT would have simply reduced the grants they offered me by whatever amount my parents might have been able to pay. Of course, the difference was that my options were very limited - I had to go to one of the universities that could pay my tuition in full.


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## CrunchyMomto3 (Mar 14, 2006)

I have not read all 10 pages of replies. We do the Florida pre-paid college fund for our trio, but that will only cover 2 years at a community college and 2years at a state school. Only classes and special fees. No books, no housing, etc. We save more $$ for our retirement. Our financial planner told us that the kids can take out for student loans, but we can't take out money to retire on...so our money is best served in our retirement account.

My parents did pay for my 4 year degree at a very costly, private liberal arts school. I paid for my post-graduate studies, and have just started on a second master's degree. I am a professional student.







:


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## Nicole77 (Oct 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RubyWild* 
Look at teachers in my area who are expected to earn Master's degrees to teach kindergarten then they're not paid well at all. A freaking Master's degree and then paid half of what my hair stylist friend earns in her upscale salon and not even a high school diploma.

It's madness.

Yeah, that. My husband is a high school teacher and he must have a master's degree to hold that position. His parent's did not help out one penny and so he has $65,000 in student loans that we must pay off. And his GPA in high school was 4.0 and his college GPA never dropped below 3.8. So now he makes $55,000 a year (after 5 years of teaching in an extremely high paying district) and we are expected based on that income to pay over $400 a month towards his student loans. We have three kids, a mortgage, and our expenses alone use up that entire income with nothing left over for student loans. And we only live in a semi-decent neighborhood in one of the cheapest cities in Massachusetts. Costs of living are astronomical enough these days without having to factor in exorbitant student loan payments.

He finished college just after our oldest was born and so we have been able to defer those loans due to income hardship but that bill is going to come calling someday and soon. And none of this even counts in my student loans (about $30,000 right now and I have not finished my undergraduate degree). We made all the right choices to lower costs as much as possible for college (teaching fellowships, full time jobs, high grades, etc. I even became a part time student because it would lower my yearly tuition by half.) This is still the position we find ourselves in. We will be lucky to have it all paid off by the time our daughter starts college.

I do not want my children to have to start out their adult lives burdened down by such a large debt. So, once they are in school I will be going back to work outside the home so that we can save as much as we can towards their college education, whatever form that may take. We will help them out as much as we can with whatever schooling choices they make. I hope to at least be able to cover four years at a public state college for each of them. We will of course expect them to help out as much as they can and keep their grades high.


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## Nicole77 (Oct 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2 in August* 
When you've earned the $1500 (or whatever amount, this was just a random #) for a couple classes and wrote the check out yourself it is a big sense of accomplishment.


While I agree with this in theory (since I see a lot of kids at my college who do not seem to take their education very seriously at all) one credit at my university is $825. One credit. That means a typical three credit course costs over $2400. One class. This is only if you are a part time student. Full timers pay more. And my college is nowhere near the costs of a lot of others out there. I don't know many jobs a 17 or 18 year old can get that would net them an income high enough to write checks for this kind of bill.

Why doesn't our country have universal higher education again? Oh yeah, too socialist. I forgot.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nicole77* 
Why doesn't our country have universal higher education again? Oh yeah, too socialist. I forgot.









I think people are extremely short-sighted nowadays. Even if you are selfish, it is still better for the big economic picture to provide affordable higher education.

Back in the '60s and '70s education was a priority, and a college education at any state university was cheap. The idea was that when people get an education they make more money over their lifetime and pay more in taxes, in the long run more than making up for the cost of the education to the taxpayer. So, that's the reason the Babyboomers are a highly educated, big money-making generation.

What is going to happen when the USA is no longer churning out an educated workforce, as more and more people are priced out of college? Will we, as a country, be able to compete with India, Europe, China, etc. when they are producing an educated workforce and we are not?

Why aren't people getting pi$$ed off about the cost of college? Aren't there people who believe college should be available to anyone who wants to go? It seems like everyone just accepts it.


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## Nicole77 (Oct 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momma4fun* 
IME, student loans are NO BIG DEAL. Together DP-PhD has 80,000 in debt. We pay about 200/month, according to the salary chart.

In all seriousness would you tell me who you consolidated with? Because I would really like to look into moving our loans over to them. DH has $65,000 in loans and our salary-based payment is over $400 a month. He has a Master's and makes $55,000 so we must make less than you guys do...


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nicole77* 
In all seriousness would you tell me who you consolidated with? Because I would really like to look into moving our loans over to them. DH has $65,000 in loans and our salary-based payment is over $400 a month. He has a Master's and makes $55,000 so we must make less than you guys do...

Well you might want the weigh your options. An $80,000 loan even at say 1% intrest paying $200 a month means you will be paying for over 40 years and paying an additional $17,000+ in intrest when its all done.







: At the same time you may at this point in your life need the lower payments.
I


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## Hazelnut (Sep 14, 2005)

You can save for 18 years and with the rate costs are going up, most elite colleges are still out of reach for the average family- even educated, professional, two-income families. It's difficult enough just putting money away for retirement at this time in our lives, much less college for multiple children. Our state univ is excellent and even that is beginning to go up. Who knows what it will be in 15 years.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

DH and I plan on paying 100% for college for all of our kids. Fortunately, we're in (or will be in) a position to do that. We live comfortably on his current income (e-4 with 4 years in service) and anticipate a generous increase in salary when he gets out of the military in 2 years. We've discussed it, and agreed that we will continue with our current lifestyle, and the extra income will go into long-term savings, with 2 goals in mind: kids' college funds, and DH being able to retire early, preferably around 45.

But, our kids won't know about the college funds. I don't want them to think that because college will be paid for, they don't have to work or try...so we intend to imply to them (by not mentioning the savings accounts) that college is contingent on scholarships, financial aid, etc.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nicole77* 
In all seriousness would you tell me who you consolidated with? Because I would really like to look into moving our loans over to them. DH has $65,000 in loans and our salary-based payment is over $400 a month. He has a Master's and makes $55,000 so we must make less than you guys do...

Yeah, we pay about $200 a month on a 10-year repayment plan (halfway through) with 3.5% interest rate, and our remaining balance that was consolidated is only $13k and change. How is it that you can pay $200 for $80k. Doesn't the interest accrue faster than that? The only thing I can imagine is that your repayment period is several decades, but in that case, how much total will you be repaying? Will you pay a total of 10 times the original loan amount?

Our loan is currently with ACS, and repayment is not salary-based.


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## mama40 (Jun 25, 2006)

Hey, it's the demographic I've been looking for.

I think the game has changed pretty substantially in the last 15 years, and it is probably no longer reasonable to assume that talent and brains will win the free undergrad tuition to the elite institutions. Last I heard, which was a few months ago, 4/5 of parents are saving nothing at all toward their kids' educations; combine that with tuition inflation, and the competition for aid is going to be tremendous. So long as the kids are willing to sign for the loans -- and how should they know better? -- universities will tacitly understand that they don't really need to expand aid radically. And I don't think there'll be any serious effort to do anything about lending to students for another 20 years. At that point there'll be a large number of middle-aged, middle-class voting-type people still trying to pay off the interminable debt from BAs and support elderly parents (who haven't saved adequately for retirement) while they watch their kids sign the student loan papers. It's a nice Upton Sinclair image. And that'll start it. But I don't actually see an end to it myself.

What's disturbing to me is the trend at flagship state schools towards selecting mostly-Ivy students for the grad programs. Until very recently, I've maintained that so long as you go somewhere reasonably large, it really doesn't matter where you go for an undergrad program unless you're spectacularly talented or you need something very specialized. You're going to find good faculty everywhere at this point, so there's no point in spending $34K on tuition when you're 18 years old. What matters is the grad program. But that was predicated on the idea that the grad programs select in a pretty open way, which had been, I think, the rule. If that's changing, then the state-school undergrad fallback plan stops working. (And it leads to funding questions, but that's another thing.)

I work in the K-12 test-prep industry, where there is gigantic state and federal money being thrown around. I expect to see the same begin in the next decade in higher ed, but you have to keep in mind it's not some main-line Eastern Establishment running the show anymore. The people who do run it buy a tremendous amount of pedagogical garbage, which comes out of ed schools that collect the bottom 25% of university students. Some portion of whom are turned into ed consultants, ed agency administrators, and new heads of ed schools. (You would not believe the teacher handbook I've just proofed. The word "cognitive" has made it to K-12 pedagogy, and they have the most decided ideas about How Brains Learn. We have this all figured out, you see. RedWine, your husband can tell his AI Lab friends to go home.) For the money they'll want oversight at the universities, and you can bet that the benchmarks they'll insist on will have little or nothing to do with liberal education or with competing with a few billion Asian degree-holders. We are not serious yet. And why should we be? The power's still on, there's plenty of food.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. The state of Arizona tells me that "research has established the major steps of the writing process," so I'd best go find out what they are. Maybe paying for ed on your own is not such a terrible thing after all.


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