# CIO in the car--i guess this is the right place?



## imkidarose (May 23, 2009)

I'm not sure where else to post this so i guess this will work?

My boyfriend and I have to share a car because of the limited amount of money we have which means we have to take him to work in the morning and pick him up in the evenings. His work is 30-40minutes away which means a lot of time in the car for us. Well, my 6 week old son has been just hysterical in the car...the WHOLE time. I dont know what to do. He's fine if someone is in the back seat with him. But as soon as its just me...he starts to fuss, before long its full blown screams. I know he's not hungry or in pain or anything. I know its because he wants to be held and not sit in that seat....plus he's lonely in the back all by himself.
I've tried stopping several times and nursing him and calm him down. It works immediately but when I have to put him back to finish our trip it starts all over again. I just have to finish the ride listening to him _scream_! It makes me feel like I am subjecting him to CIO...he obviously just wants me but there is nothing I can do. I feel TERRIBLE! If I try talking to him he just screams worse because he knows that I am right there and not picking him up. I've tried everything...music, pacifier....

Does anyone have any suggestions? Or can anyone at least relate? I just feel like I'm abandoning him when he is calling out to me!


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Oh, mama. I had two kids like this and I can tell you that it gets better. I know the impulse to stop and make it better, but what I learned is that this just prolongs things. Best to get from point A to point B as speedily (and safely) as possible.

It may take a few months but he'll get over it. Meanwhile, I know how awful it makes you feel, I truly do. There's nothing worse than hearing your baby cry and not being able to comfort him. And in almost any other situation you generally _can_ stop what you're doing to hold or nurse. But in the car, and with a baby who will only start up again after you stop, is just not one of those situations.

Hang in there.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

!!!

Do the best you can. Unfortunately the carseat is a non-negotiable in the car, and in your situation its necessary a few times a day that he's back there by himself. One suggestion though - can you get a little mirror to hang on the seat so he can see himself? That might make him feel like he's not alone - my son talks to himself in the mirror alot in the car and its pretty darn cute. We didn't have one when he was that little though. And, I'm sure you do this already







but just ride in the back with him one way, or have your bf do it.








its hard to hear them cry when you have no choice. Oh yeah, have you tried music? My son loves to listen to rap


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## syn_ack89 (Oct 1, 2007)

I second the idea of music...I sang to my LO and it helped a lot...

I find it helps if you start singing immediately and don't let them get crying/hysterical.


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## puddle (Aug 30, 2007)

Have you tried singing? That helped a little bit for my niece when she was like that. Like others have said, it really will get better!


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

CIO is the deliberate neglect of a child by ignoring his needs in order to teach him that he must self-soothe to sleep, that parenting is not a job to be done past 8:00 p.m.

What you are doing is not CIO, and it's not neglect. You are trying to meet his needs, but he hates being in the car. Lots and lots of babies do. But he still knows you're there, you're not "training" him to do anything, it's just something he's going to have to adapt to - and he will, eventually...

Hugs, mama!


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

One thing I might do is only keep the car a couple of days a week and plan around that. I've heard that some car seats are more comfortable than others, so trying a different one might be an idea. I'm sure there will be suggestions around here somewhere.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
CIO is the deliberate neglect of a child by ignoring his needs in order to teach him that he must self-soothe to sleep, that parenting is not a job to be done past 8:00 p.m.

What you are doing is not CIO, and it's not neglect. You are trying to meet his needs, but he hates being in the car. Lots and lots of babies do. But he still knows you're there, you're not "training" him to do anything, it's just something he's going to have to adapt to - and he will, eventually...

Hugs, mama!

It may not be neglect, but I am not sure it does not have the same effect as CIO. A baby crying for an extended period of time does not care if you are "training" him or not, or your feelings about parenting and time of day, or whether he is in a car or a crib. He is still a baby crying and not being comforted.


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## vrclay (Jun 12, 2007)

ARGH! I've been there and I'm praying that baby #2, who should be arriving within the month, will be a little more tolerable of car rides. I remember the stopping and starting...sometimes pulling off the road and nursing for 10 minutes would help. Other things that would help would be a constant supply of pacifiers that I could reach back and put in his little mouth. We did lots of singing, wheels on the bus was a favorite from about 6 months on. SOmetimes I'd play classical music. Depending on the season, I would put down all the windows, sometimes the cold fresh air was all it took. In the summer, I'd blast the AC, I froze to death but I knew he was hot to begin with nd the crying wouldn't help.

During the times that I could not stop and comfort him, I kept talking to him so he'd know I was there. Often times I'd reach back and touch his head too.

Not sure if those ides will help, but it's what I remember doing...

It does get better. But then you have to deal with the toddler who doesn't want to get in the seat and be stricted...we made up a song about his "magic/safe seat" and that helped somewhat. Now that he's 2 he likes his cow print seat! There is hope...


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## Cherry Alive (Mar 11, 2007)

My DD had this problem too (and sometimes she still gets fussy but it's nowhere as bad). At first, I pulled over a lot. I politely disagree with those who say it makes it worse. Maybe it prolongs it, but my DD would not get as whipped up in a frothy freakout like she does if she is ignored...plus some of the times it seemed like she was getting overheated and needed a break from the seat.

What really helped was giving her a pacifier (we made sure it was on a leash so if she dropped it, it didn't get lost in the car) and plenty of distracting-looking toys to look at (dangly chimes and the Lamaze toys...like Jacque the Peacock are awesome). Also, I'd make sure to dress her in less clothing than normal and put a blanket on her when she is buckled in. The blanket keeps her from getting chilly, but if it seems like she's overheating, it's easy to reach back and pull off. I also act super happy when buckling her up and rave like a happy nut over the "wonderful adventures" we are about to go on, bc I think sometimes she keys into my moods.

Now 7 out of 10 times she rides well in the car.

A few folks here also mentioned that changing from an infant seat to a convertible can make a big difference. We just got a Britax Marathon from Albee Baby (on clearance







) so I'll be finding out soon. If it helps, I will never buy an infant seat again.


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## vbactivist (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
It may not be neglect, but I am not sure it does not have the same effect as CIO. A baby crying for an extended period of time does not care if you are "training" him or not, or your feelings about parenting and time of day, or whether he is in a car or a crib. He is still a baby crying and not being comforted.

I have to agree with this. The "why' of the crying has little to do with the effect on the baby. And I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad - but lets call a spade a spade, othewise it is dismissive of the crying babe's feelings. it's like saying formula is just as good. It's not - even if it's medically necessary.

OP- I can totally sympathize with you - all of my kids were criers in the car. The only thing I can suggest is what a PP did - and limiting the time in the car. Perhaps instead of taking your partner to work every day = maybe only take him tues and thursday and planning your days around that. Or once in a while finding a way to stay out newar your husbands job for the day. Without knowing all the specifics its hard to come up with a bunch of other options - but i would brainstorm on ways to keep him out of the car more.

Hugs to you AND the baby.


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## Mrsboyko (Nov 13, 2007)

Oh ,hun, i ma so sorry you are in that situation. I had the same situation from when DD was about 3 months till 7+ months. It was AWFUL and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

We sang the itsy, bitsy spider a lot, I drove with my hand on her head stroking her hair or with a finger in her mouth (because hse wouldn't take a paci) most of the time. We pulled over and nursed at least once on the return trip (w/o DH in the car).

We did have her in a bucket seat for most of that time. When we finally got her a convertable seat she seemed much happier, but she was 7 months old by then so maybe she was jsut gettingused to the ride by that point. If you feel yourself loosing it, PULL OVER. Nothing is worse than a stressed out mom trying to drive as fast as possible. It will get better, but it will take time.


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
It may not be neglect, but I am not sure it does not have the same effect as CIO. A baby crying for an extended period of time does not care if you are "training" him or not, or your feelings about parenting and time of day, or whether he is in a car or a crib. He is still a baby crying and not being comforted.

The distinct difference here is that she is trying to comfort him. Touching his head, singing to him so that he knows she's there, occasionally stopping to nurse, etc. is far different from crying alone in a crib. It doesn't help her to make her feel bad that she is in the situation and doesn't know what to do.

My DD struggled with this too for the first few months of life. I found she liked sucking on my finger better than the pacifier. She also likes really upbeat music far better than any other type. It's a matter of trial and error. It also gets much better when they start to be able to play with toys to keep themselves entertained.


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## Everrgreen (Feb 27, 2007)

My DS is pretty good in the car, but we have had some long car trips where he is just plain angry - and we will try and stop and nurse, but the second he has to go back in the seat to finish the trip, he's immediately angry again. It is so so hard. I can't imagine having to do that everyday







.

Anyway, some things that have worked for us are: having someone sit with him (which obviously you can only do one way of your trips) and opening the window (this works the best and we have done it even when it's cold out - we bundle him with blankets first - and he immediatley stops crying).


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

I don't know if he can grasp things yet, but we have car toys for DD and that tends to stop a lot of meltdowns. Her favorite ones are my big water bottles, those rattles you're supposed to velcro on the car seat handle (we velcro them around her arm like a bracelet), and a WInnie the Pooh doll. She only gets them in the car so they're like new toys. I hope it gets better for you guys.


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## aiyasmama (Dec 30, 2008)

I also share a car with my DH and I just plan to be without the car most days (there are things we can walk to around here, or I arrange playdates with friends at my house or take the bus, etc.) because even though DD is much older now and tolerates the car just fine I hate to spend so much time just driving with her in the carseat. I know how not having a car during the day can make things so much more isolating.








It helped us to change from the graco infant carseat to a big britax boulevard convertible. DD was SO much more comfortable! She also cried nonstop in the car until 6 months of age and then like some miracle she just could tolerate it better. I'm sure your LO will grow out of it and at some point you can give him toys, stickers, snacks, etc. to help him get through the long rides. Good luck!


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## Dahlea (May 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sparklefairy* 
One thing I might do is only keep the car a couple of days a week and plan around that. I've heard that some car seats are more comfortable than others, so trying a different one might be an idea. I'm sure there will be suggestions around here somewhere.

That is what we do. I keep the car on days we want to go places (1 or 2 times a week) and take my husband to work and pick him up. The rest of the time, he just has the car. Hopefully that's an option for you.


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## Climbergirl (Nov 12, 2007)

My son does this when he is done with the carseat. I just talk and talk and talk to him. "See the light? It turned red. That means we have to stop. And look at the other cars, they stopped too." Now, I know at this age you are still rear facing, but I have found just plain non-stop talking helps.

You are trying to comfort, that is not CIO. Your child is going to cry at some point and there will be nothing you can say or do to help. But being there shows that you can hang with them in the hard times.

It gets better


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
The distinct difference here is that she is trying to comfort him. Touching his head, singing to him so that he knows she's there, occasionally stopping to nurse, etc. is far different from crying alone in a crib. It doesn't help her to make her feel bad that she is in the situation and doesn't know what to do.


That's what I was trying to say, but didn't say it as well.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

pacifier?


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## flutterbudget (Jun 29, 2006)

I'm totally a lurker who never posts, but I had to because my DS was exactly the same way. I'm a SAHM and my DH doesn't drive (long story) so we HAVE to drop him off and pick him up EVERY day. My DS also never would take a pacifier even tho I tried just to help with the car. One thing that helped was if I could let him hold my finger and talking to him so at least I knew that he knew I was with him. Also, we eventually discovered that there were two songs he loved. Music in general did no good, but these two songs we could play over and over and over and he would just listen. so maybe keep trying different music and see if you can find something he likes. And singing along was good too. I completely feel your pain.


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## LDSmomma (May 11, 2009)

We put the radio on static sometimes, a la Happiest Baby, and that worked sometimes.

When DS was in his infant seat, I could reach back and he could suck on my finger (he doesn't like pacifiers) while I'm driving. Now that he's in a convertible, though, I can't reach!

I read in _Attached at the Heart_ today that some parents found that when they told their baby that they were getting in the car seat, and showed it to her before they put her in, that it helped their baby stop crying. Unfortunately, the book did not indicate the age of the child, only that the family was participating in an Infant Massage class. It can't hurt to try!


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
The distinct difference here is that she is trying to comfort him. Touching his head, singing to him so that he knows she's there, occasionally stopping to nurse, etc. is far different from crying alone in a crib. It doesn't help her to make her feel bad that she is in the situation and doesn't know what to do.

My DD struggled with this too for the first few months of life. I found she liked sucking on my finger better than the pacifier. She also likes really upbeat music far better than any other type. It's a matter of trial and error. It also gets much better when they start to be able to play with toys to keep themselves entertained.

















:

attached kiddos are much more likely to be "car seat screamers" because they find it unacceptable to be anywhere buy your arms when that's where they want to be!

i know how you feel mama. i have a very visceral reaction to my baby's car-seat-crying too... like it causes me physical pain. i try to keep that out of my voice, though, and talk to her the whole time. tell her i love her, that i'm sorry she's so unhappy, and i wish i could hold her.

have you tried cracking all the windows just a teeny tiny bit for the white noise? that's helped both of my girls at times.

like pp's have said... it gets better with time.







s


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## imkidarose (May 23, 2009)

Thanks for all the replies ladies! I've tried just about everything you guys suggested. Looks like its just something that I'm going to have to wait out. Hopefully this phase won't last too long. It just breaks my heart.
I'll just keep letting him know that I am there.
Believe it or not we just found a song yesterday that he really likes....its punk rock! Hah!


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## Spirit Dancer (Dec 11, 2006)

You could put him in the passenger seat beside you when you drive if you turn off the passenger airbag. Some people say the front seat is not as safe as the back but people who have front bench only pick-ups and smart cars put their babies in carseats in the front. The only thing is that you MUST be sure the airbag is off as otherwise if it went off it could seriously hurt/ kill your baby.
If my baby cried so much when I drove I would rather then up where they can see me ( in their seat of course) me.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

A thread I saw in family safety made me think. The poster there said that when she got a truefit carseat her son stopped crying. She thought it was because the truefit was more comfortable. I'm sure you could find the thread if you just went to the family safety forum here.

So, maybe you could take him to BRU and try out different convertible carseats and see if its a comfort thing? Maybe his bucket isn't very comfortable for him?


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## makuahine (Mar 10, 2009)

I'm really sorry you're going through this because there is NOTHING worse than hearing your baby crying for you and not being able to pick him up. DD hated the carseat, too, and for that reason I pretty much didn't leave the house alone with her for the first four months of her life (but I know most people have no choice).

I would suggest what pps have and try to limit your car use as much as possible- do you need the car every day dh is at work? Also, cracking the windows to create white noise almost always helped calm dd down, and if it didn't pulling over and nursing and just holding her for a while did.

I agree that while you're not doing CIO, which is deliberately letting your baby cry, there isn't much difference from the baby's perspective, which is why I personally would avoid driving as much as possible.

Good luck! It does get much better- now at seven months dd rarely freaks out in the car and even likes looking out the windows at things.


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## lovebug (Nov 2, 2004)

s mama this has to be so hard! i wish you luck and a swift move from this stage...


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Really, all you can do is muddle through as best you can till your little one outgrows it. Dd #2 doesn't mind the car at all so far, but #1 did. I drove as little as possible, went to the closest grocery store possible, had dh pick stuff up on the way home instead of driving when possible, had dh go too so I could sit in back with her whenever possible, and put on music and sang along so she could hear my voice even though she couldn't see me. Nothing worked perfectly but I tried to minimize it as much as I could. Maybe #2 does better because #1 is usually back there with her.

Be gentle with yourself. We can just do the best we can do, and no one can be perfect.







Your babe will appreciate any effort you make.


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## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

SS for you and your LO and I know exactly what you mean. DS 1 was a car seat hater and we would still attempt trips to the grandparents houses and whatnot and then kick ourselves afterwards. DS 2 is also a car seat hater, go figure. Its pretty horrific. We also tried everything and as pps said they just want to be held and nursed all the time, not in a car seat (or swing or whatever for any length of time). It is really hard. Once DS was old enough to turn the car seat around forward facing and he had a convertible car seat it did get better by a mile (not perfect and still has those days, but better). I also agree with pps that it might be worth rearranging your schedule just a bit so that you can just plan on not having the car a couple days a week. On the up side it will help save gas and money too. DS 2 will take a paci sometimes. I've tried even stretching my boob into the car seat while freakin hovering over it (obviously not when I'm the one driving)- ouch. Most of our car trips are punctuated by frequent stops for nursing and comforting. All you can do is keep trying and also try to limit car trips; lots of people don't get it and that is their problem, don't let others make you feel bad about respecting your childs limits. Windows down never really helped baby settle, but it did help take the shrillness out of the cry for my sake and if it really rattles your nerves and makes driving feel sketchy you could even use earplugs occasionally, they won't stop the noise just make it less jarring. Even my little jaunts across town become white-knuckle drives when the baby is unhappy and I've missed and been late to lots of things when I try to set him in the car seat and he starts screaming the moment he gets near it! Hang in there, it might take time but it will pass. Oh and you could try a little Calms Forte or Rescue Remedy (for your nerves). Oh and one last thing that helped was putting up a mirror with lights around it that plays music. That way at least he had something to look at and comfort him when it was dark out, which he disliked in particular.


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## Emmery'sMom (May 31, 2009)

I have a carseat hater too. Our first trip out alone at 2 months was a 20 minute ride to the chiro- getting there was rough but we made it (we were only 5 minutes late), but the trip home-- that 20 minute ride took 2 hours! I was so traumatized and she was so miserable I vowed to never leave the house alone with her again








Suddenly at 3 1/2 months she got better- she had started taking a paci & she realized she liked going places and the carseat was something she had to tolerate to get out of the house.
Now at 6 months she's back to hating the carseat again. I sing -a lot- and _loud_, the same song over and over. Every few weeks I have to switch songs because she gets immune...her current fav is "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt"- before that it was lyrics I made up for her to the tune of "Frère Jacques", and "You are my Sunshine" before that.
Point is keep it fresh & new, baby will probably love to hear your voice but even if it doesn't completely stop the crying at least he will always know that you are right there even though he can't see you.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Ok..my 14 yr old is sitting here laughing. I told him about your post..because you are describing him as a baby.

You NEED to drive safe. Try to keep your nerves together and ignore the screaming. Don't try to reach back to calm baby. You do that and you could get in an accident. My 14 yr old was not scarred for it and he lived to read your post. It is very important you drive safe regardless. ((((hugs)))) I know this is hard, but nothing you can do about this. He will move on and realize car time is quiet time.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
pacifier?

imo 6wks is too young, they really can get confused when they are still learning to nurse.

how loud is the exhaust on your car?







my jetta is pretty loud and ds only cries if we have been stopped (quiet) too long and dh's van is quiet and he fusses more. if you don't feel like hacking your exhaust off try the static channel like pp suggested. good luck also my







is this is not CIO.


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## JessBB (Apr 10, 2007)

Both my ds's were / are carseat haters. DS1 is now 2.5, he was pretty bad from about 3 weeks until 8-9 months. DS2 is 4 months and he is not quite as bad. One thing we've done differently is that we swaddle ds2 in the carseat. I use one of those swaddleMe blankets and just wrap it around his shoulders. Then I rock the carseat to get him asleep *before* we get in the car and often he'll stay asleep much longer. I know it's not entirely safe to have any fabric between baby and car seat, but it's not safe for me to drive 70 in a 35, either







.







s mama, it's awful but it won't last forever.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
imo 6wks is too young, they really can get confused when they are still learning to nurse.


Hmm... three of my four (the last refused) had one from birth in the hospital and nursed splendidly.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
Hmm... three of my four (the last refused) had one from birth in the hospital and nursed splendidly.

true, I bet most kids don't have a problem, but when DS was super little I noticed a marked difference in his nursing when they were having us use bottles. It was rough, you could tell he was frustrated that we kept changing the game on him. It was the only time my nipples got sore. It was really rough, and I wouldn't want another mama to struggle with that.


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## flutterbudget (Jun 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *imkidarose* 
Believe it or not we just found a song yesterday that he really likes....its punk rock! Hah!

For my kiddo it was Weird Al and the B-52's.







Funny little creatures they are.


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## Cherry Alive (Mar 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
true, I bet most kids don't have a problem, but when DS was super little I noticed a marked difference in his nursing when they were having us use bottles. It was rough, you could tell he was frustrated that we kept changing the game on him. It was the only time my nipples got sore. It was really rough, and I wouldn't want another mama to struggle with that.

Personally, I love ours (we use a gumdrop). It's the one thing that really has enabled us to take DD in the car without her having meltdowns. I only have used it in the car (though I carry one in my mommy bag). At home, she doesn't use them. It has worked very well for us and hasn't effected her nursing at all. If she was having troubles because of it, though, I'd stop using it.


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## marimara (Jan 31, 2008)

BTDT, my dd liked Kenny Chesney! Still works like a charm to put her to sleep on road trips and she's almost 3! I had to talk, and sing alot. I put up a mirror thingie with toys when she could hold them. But you're baby is a tad too little for that just yet. You'll get thru it, there's not much else you could do besides trying to limit time in the car, playing music, doing the mirror thing, and frequent comforting stops. You're doing the best you can. It'll be ok in a few months. Hopefully you'll find the magic music!


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## Code Name Mama (Oct 5, 2007)

I stopped reading replies, but I wanted to chime in because ds was the same way. In my case, I could *not* let him cry, because it escalated quickly and he would get close to hyperventilating. It was horrible. A 15 minute trip would inevitable turn into 45 minutes so I could stop a couple of times to nurse. Long - but necessary.

You said you have to drive your partner to/from work - is it because you later need the car to go to work yourself? If not (if you are a SAHM), I would advise biting the bullet and letting your partner drive himself 3 days a week. You take him twice a week and plan your errands/playgroups/etc. for those two days. I really had to limit my driving when ds was very little, because it wasn't worth it to me to make ds scream and get so upset. I live in a suburb to a large city, so driving anywhere takes at least 20 minutes.

It did get better - esp. when ds was old enough to appreciate singing and distracting toys (we never used a pacifier), and then even moreso when ds started enjoying little snacks. But he still hates the car and he is 19 months old.









I hope your LO quickly outgrows this phase. I know how stressful it can be!!


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## denimtiger (Jan 22, 2009)

My dd was the SAME way, starting at about a week old! She'd also scream if anyone else held her starting about the same age, but as long as I was holding her, she was the sweetest, smiliest little thing ever. Car rides were complete torture, and I was usually crying by the end, of even a 15 minute ride (which was the farthest we ever went most of the time!) Pulling over to nurse helped immediately, but usually the screaming would pick up right where it left off, so most trips it wasn't worth it. We had a terrible incident one time where she started screaming instantly when I put her in the carseat (which was her norm), and when we got home 10 minutes later, I discovered a second-degree burn on the underside of her arm -- it had been caused by the stupid buckle! I knew it was hot, and had really tried to avoid touching her leg -- I have no idea how it got her arm. Since most of us are attached mommies, many of you probably leave the infant seat in the car and take the baby, like I did -- make sure to flip the car seat over or cover the buckle with a blanket when you take out baby in the summer.

I WOH, as a teacher, so a 15 minute ride twice a day during the school year was non-negotiable. Although, bizarrely, she was almost always fine on the morning ride over.

When she got just a little bit older, as opposed to TV as I sometimes am, I bought a cheapo DVD player from Target and installed it where she could see it. A little Elmo helped enormously, and she's been mostly ok in the car ever since -- and we don't even use the DVD player much anymore. Sometimes if I turn it on for her, she'll ask for it off. She's now two and still rear-facing and we do ok.

Hang in there, mama. It will get better. I really think that a baby crying in a car, with a mama right there talking and singing and touching and reassuring is COMPLETELY different than sticking a baby in a crib in a room alone and not coming back until the morning. And if crying in the car is training a baby in any way, it's that sitting still in the car until the ride is over is a fact of life, for everyone, and it can't be helped. Not having your needs met at night CAN be helped. Babies are real, intelligent human beings, and are not incapable of understanding the difference between mommy cares and wishes she could help, and mommy wants time to herself so I'm on my own when it's dark.


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## jul511riv (Mar 16, 2006)

OP:

I didn't read the thread but I wanted to tell you that with dd, We had the same situation. One car. 40 min drive each way to dh's work with a screaming whailing baby. We were able to have a car that didnt' have a passengers side airbag (or you can deactivate it) and I just moved her rear facing carseat into the front seat. It is not the SAFEST place in the car for baby, but that is relative. If Mommy has to hear a screaming baby, I think that makes the entire car very unsafe for everyone. So, provided the airbag to the seat was off or nonexistant, it was totally fine to put her up in the front seat. Here I was able to make eye contact, sing to her, recite her stories and even touch her hands and cheek. Even if it didn't stop her crying (though eventually, she WOULD stop in the front seat) I KNEW That I was doing something that wasn't CIO and this helped me to remain calm (like when we were night weaning her and she cried and cried...but in my husband's arms. CIO in the arms of a loving parent is NOT the same as CIO).

It does get easier. She can sit in the car for hours and even take long plane rides to visit grandma/family and back (easily 24 hours on a plane, practically speaking) with no problems. Of course, she's now 4. Our son was the same, but it is only a brief period of time relatively speaking before they actually come to enjoy car rides. Now, at age 2.5 and after having the screaming in the car phase, he can be absolutely depended upon to fall asleep (bli ayan ha rah) no matter where we are going or how long the ride. Both kids have special music that they only hear in the car that they love and this helps too. Books on tape might be a good solution as well.

Anyways, good luck. This, too, shall pass.


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## lisavark (Oct 27, 2007)

I didn't read the whole thread either, but my DD was also the same way, up until she was almost a year old. I know some people suggested only keeping the car a couple of days a week and letting your boyfriend drive himself to work the other days and you just staying home. Another thought I had was to see if he can ever carpool with someone from work. I really hardly drove anywhere at all until DD was much older, maybe 8 months or so, because she just hated it so much. Even a couple days a week when you don't have to make that drive will make your and your DD's lives less stressful, you know?


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## AirMiami (Feb 3, 2009)

My 6 month old still hates the car, but not as much as she used to. It really does get better, but I doubt my daughter will ever be 100% ok with the car.

This is going to sound weird, but have you tried BLASTING music? I found out that the magic formula for calming my daughter is to play music very loudly, but only certain kinds of music with a more ambient feel to it. I was turning up the music so I couldn't hear her as well so I wouldn't crash the car through my own hysterical tears, but what do you know, it calmed her down too.


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## skybluepink02 (Nov 9, 2005)

My babies hate the car, but will stop crying immediately if I find an all-static station and play it really loud, like vacuum cleaner loud. They love the vacuum too. I use it often, even though it drives me nuts! It's like an instant calm down button. They usually will go to sleep too, which is nice. Try it anyways! But remember, it has to be LOUD!


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## Shy0717 (Jun 14, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *skybluepink02* 
My babies hate the car, but will stop crying immediately if I find an all-static station and play it really loud, like vacuum cleaner loud. They love the vacuum too. I use it often, even though it drives me nuts! It's like an instant calm down button. They usually will go to sleep too, which is nice. Try it anyways! But remember, it has to be LOUD!


Ooooo I might try this with my 4 week old







. Overall he does ok with short trips if he's nursed and has a dry bottom but anything longer than 15-20 minutes and he gets quite irritated.


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## babymonster (Oct 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jul511riv* 
We were able to have a car that didnt' have a passengers side airbag (or you can deactivate it) and I just moved her rear facing carseat into the front seat. It is not the SAFEST place in the car for baby, but that is relative. If Mommy has to hear a screaming baby, I think that makes the entire car very unsafe for everyone.









:
I absolutely CANNOT drive safely while my baby is crying. Same thing when he was little and would suddenly go quiet. I don't understand how you can reach back to comfort the baby and still drive safely.
DS is still rear facing, and will stay in the front passenger seat (when I'm on my own) until he needs to face forward. It is a compromise, but I feel it is the safest way for us to travel.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
CIO is the deliberate neglect of a child by ignoring his needs in order to teach him that he must self-soothe to sleep, that parenting is not a job to be done past 8:00 p.m.

What you are doing is not CIO, and it's not neglect. You are trying to meet his needs, but he hates being in the car. Lots and lots of babies do. But he still knows you're there, you're not "training" him to do anything, it's just something he's going to have to adapt to - and he will, eventually...

Hugs, mama!


I love your explanation of things!

I guess that this is one of the wonderful perks of being blind because when I'm a parent, i will always sit in the back, since I can't drive anyhow. My fiance is legally blind, too, so that makes both of us--blind parents. We will never find ourselves in this situation, but our hearts hurt for any parent who does because it really has to make these parents feel so bad. I could not imagine having to focus on the road and at the same time, having a pounding heart and have my maternal instincts on edge and boiling over the top and not being able to do nothing about it. IMO, these parents have it harder than we will, and I send my strength their way.

Mama, try the mirror idea. He will be tricked into thinking he is not all alone, isolated in the backseat. I hope it gets better for you very soon.


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