# Will DH ever sleep in family bed?



## Amanda (Dec 18, 2001)

About three months ago we got a twin bed for DD bed so we would have somewhere for guests to sleep etc... DH has been sleeping in there every night because he is hooked on the uninterupted sleep. Honestly, I also sleep better with just DD in our queen size bed (no DH snoring, more room for us 2...).
DH and I both feel a little strange not sleeping together (he also misses DD at night) but the draw of better sleep keeps us both is seperate rooms. Anyone out there ever make do this and all end up together again in the same bed?


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## OhMel (Oct 16, 2002)

I am eagerly awaiting people's responses. We're in the same boat. On one hand, I really miss dh being there and cuddling and all that. OTH I don't miss his snoring or when he would wake ds up.

How old is your dd? DS is 6 months old, I'm hoping that by a year or so dh can come back.


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## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

Exactly the same scenario here! My DH and I miss each other.


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## xacerb8 (Feb 13, 2003)

My dh has been sleeping in the guest rm for 22 mos! However, we are getting a king bed in a few months. When we were on vacation last month, we all slept together in a king, and it was heaven. We are psyched to be together soon.

BTW, sleeping together does have drawbacks. My dh tends to huff and puff dramatically when ds rolls around or makes squeaks.


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## Mallory (Jan 2, 2002)

I don't konw how long you are planning on sleeping with dd (we knew we would have a family bed for at least 4 or 5 years even before they were born), but a queen is not big enough for three people to sleep together well. At least not most people, some do okay.

We have two full sized next to each other. Of course that is all we have in our bed room, the dressers and bedside tables are in another room! Could you move the twin beside yours?

Besides having enough space for everyone, the next most important thing to keep everyone asleep when there are 4 people rolling over, getting up to nurse, or pee, and other noises, is white noise. We have to have a pretty loud fan running for everyone to sleep the best, fortuanatly our humidifier is pretty loud too so we can run that in the winter.


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## twilight girl (Mar 7, 2002)

Oh, my, do I understand exactly where you are coming from!

One the one hand I'm not looking too forward to dh coming back to bed because he snores and is such a restless (and noisy about it) sleeper, that he keeps waking us up.

But, heaven forbid that the baby whimpers once at night. The next morning he goes on and on about how the baby kept him up all night!

Right now he keeps saying things like, "Well, we had better buy a king sized bed if you're going to insist that Claire continue to sleep with us."

Claire and I sleep quite well together. It's when dh comes back to bed that nobody sleeps. On the other hand, I have been starting to feel like dh and I are living separate lives.

We just moved to Costa Rica, and sold our queen sized bed before we left. We're going to buy a king and see how that works. Also, I may start putting Claire down in a crib in our room, and then bring her to bed when she wakes up the first time.

Any veteran's insight on this would be much appreciated(apparently by a lot of us!)

Judi


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## bellamama (Aug 8, 2002)

same scenario here too...
Dh has been sleeeping in the guest bedroom for as long as I can remember. DD is now 21 months old and we sleep together on a queen. We just do not all fit comfortably on a queen. We really need to get a king and are saving up for an all organic bed with bedding, which is a fortune






















It is strange not to sleep with dh...I do miss him. One day we will be reunited, hopefully!


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## sallyk (Jan 31, 2003)

Same deal here too. Dh sleeps in our room (with the dog) and I sleep in ds room. We've had this arrangement since ds was 7 months old (he's know almost 21 months old). Dh is super light sleeper so ds would wake him with every little move or noise.

It's actually reassuring to see that we're not the only ones doing this.

Sorry I can't offer any advice for overcoming this situation (except maybe get a larger bed). I'll be curious to see what others might say.

Sally


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## Celine (Nov 26, 2001)

we all three did the family bed for most of the first 22 months (we had a few stints where we tried having our 12 months plus dd sleep in her own bed) then, dd #2 came.... since the king didn't really fit the four of us, dh started sleeping in dd#1's room on a twin mattress.... that was eight months ago. and i love it!! He no longer wakes me up with his snoring, i don't have to hear him get up for work, or wake up when he gets into bed really late. But, he misses sleeping with me.... I miss the closeness, but i love the additional sleep i get with one less person to wake me up. Well, that said, we're moving in three to six months, and in the house we're going to make one HUGE bed - put the king and a twin on the floor together until the girls are big enough to sleep together in their own big bed.


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## Mamaste (Dec 21, 2001)

Bring the twin bed in and put it next to the queen! We love ours together like this. Room for everyone!


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## sallyk (Jan 31, 2003)

So when you put the twin and queen together are they both on the floor or on their own bed frames? Against a wall? Do you use a railing for safety? How about bedding - will king size fit this arrangement or do you make the beds separately? Who sleeps on which bed? How do you avoid baby getting stuck in the "bed crack?" We're moving soon and I'm hoping we can do something like this and am curious how you set it up.

Thanks!
Sally


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## happykat (Dec 24, 2002)

We do the queen/twin combo as well.

2 bedframes (we need beds off the floor or else the dogs will join us) squished together. We have them nicely weged and then we stuff the seam with blankets.

Separate sheets - this works well when it is sheet laundry day. There is always a bed ready for ds to nap on.

Sleeping arrangements - currently dh is in the twin. But before this round of teeth, ds would start out in the twin, dh and I in queen. ds wakes up, I go into twin. If I fall asleep, fine. Normally around 6, ds comes into the queen.

Dh likes sleeping in the twin - it was his bed when he was younger. Before this, he slept in the den. He likes sleeping in the same room as us. Good compromise.

happykat


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## babibelli (Jun 4, 2002)

my dh always seems to fall asleep on the couch in front of the Tv..it is a bad habit that he's trying to stop but he's always been a night owl and dd and I like to go to bed around 10 pm-where as he likes to tuck in at 1 am (and wakes up at 6 !!) we never intentionally meant for him to sleep on the couch-dd's crib is attached to our bed as a sidecar sleeper although she likes the boob to go to sleep.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

dh slept for quite awhile on the couch because there wasn't room for him in our queen. we finally bought a full and pushed it up against the queen. he sleeps on the full, i sleep on the queen, and 2 year old ds sleeps wherever he feels like.


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## Mallory (Jan 2, 2002)

We have two full that are just on the floor- no box springs or frames. We don't have rails, because there really isn't anywhere to roll too, the bed takes up all the space. When we just had one boy and one mattress on the floor, ds could sleep right through rolling off the bed!

No sheet will fit our big bed. Generally we start out with me and dh on one bed and the boys on the other. There is one set of blankets on our bed and the boys each have thier own blanket, but we do play musical beds quite often.

I have heard that some people turn their queen sideways and put the twin at the foot so that the crack is like at your knees and not somewhere someone will roll into it.


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## twinsmomma (Mar 15, 2003)

My man and I are in seperate beds now and I know we"ll back together when our twin girls can sleep through most of the night. I think it is important to keep communicating.....and sneaking in some lovin' and cuddles when you can. Keep the love and don't blame eachother or vent frustration on eachother. Dig a hole and scream into it if you have to...mamma earth won't mind.


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## Mamaste (Dec 21, 2001)

We put everything directly on the floor. No worries about rolling off (it's not very far), and no worries about "stuffing the crack" because things don't slide around when directly on the floor. We put extra fitted sheets over the boxsprings to keep things looking neat.

DH sleeps on the twin, DD sleeps in the "middle" and I sleep on the far side. DD is big enough that the crack isn't really a danger to her (plus she likes to flip her feet around onto Daddy and ends up sideways, anyway







: ). We use a siderail on my side of the queen to cue her from not rolling during naps; she won't roll past the crack on the other side. We are moving in a few weeks, and I'll be able to put my side of the bed against the wall -- a much better no-roll solution -- and then I'll put her next to the wall so that I can also snuggle with DH. Of course, he's already whining how much he'll miss easy smoochin' on her during the night ...







ag


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## Forest Sage (Nov 22, 2001)

No, I don't think Dh will ever sleep in the family bed! That's fine with me too. My almost 5 y.o. Ds and I sleep wonderfully together. Dh is in another room on the sofabed. Sometimes I miss sleeping with Dh (and he with me) but we've grown accustomed to our privacy...and I do NOT miss his snoring!

This is such a natural arrangement for us, but most people think we're crazy! It's good to see you're all out there in the same boat as us considering this isn't the norm for most families.


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## JesseMomme (Apr 6, 2002)

Quote:

We put extra fitted sheets over the boxsprings to keep things looking neat.








Why didn't I think of that before! What great idea! Our boxspring/bed is directly on the floor. You still don't "want" a baby to fall off though (been there done that) but it's much lower than a bed on a frame.
I've been meaning to check out this forum for months, so glad I'm reading the responses here.
Dh almost abandoned us to go to the couch, but once ds and I got our nursing routine we did fine. He will still wind up on the couch if one or both of our older boys come wandering in to sleep - crowded! Sometimes he'll go to sleep with ds1 in the boys room if they wake up.
I always feel odd when dh is not in bed with me. I do love the extra room though. I'm glad for the most part he's sticking it out and it seems to be growing on him. I kinda had the baby in bed with us with out really explaining to him that that was what I wanted to do intentionally, oops. He was also negative over the fact that with the baby sleeping in bed, we have no where to, uh, commensirate. I tried the "doesnt' have to be in a bed" line, but that didnt' work. Nowhere else in the house is comfortable (and yeah we tried







)
And Dh says _I'm the one who snores!_







:LOL


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## mamapajama (Feb 9, 2003)

OK, what is up with husbands and snoring??? My DH sleeps on the couch because I can't stand his snoring and he can't stand the baby waking up all night long.
If he doesn't have to work, I sleep on the couch and he brings me the baby. I do miss him, and I like to blame the separate sleep on the snoring, not the baby.


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