# Friend lost triplets @ 22 weeks. Help me help her.



## ladybugchild77 (Jun 18, 2004)

My friend delivered triplets @ 22 and a half weeks gestation this past weekend. She had a 22 week gestation loss last year. I just ache for her and the amount of grief she and her family are experiencing - burying four children in a year is just unfathomable. I don't know how to help. Last year I brought her food and stuff to read but now I am all the way across the country. I have been through two miscarriages myself - one at about 7 weeks and one at 14 weeks - but I don't feel like I can draw off those experiences to find ways to help her. Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks.


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## ~Mamaterra~ (Jul 5, 2006)

You may want to visit this site for ideas.

http://www.babylosskit.com/index.html

And the link to the "what to say" page:
http://www.babylosskit.com/what.html

So many of those things like asking her about her birth experience is so important to a mama, even those of us who have lost a child in birth. We still want to process what has happened, however negative it may be.

Maybe purchase her a journal and a special pen. Send her some flowers and a sympathy card just like you would for any other funeral. Or a fruit basket with goodies in it because I am sure she doesn't feel like eating.

These were all things that touched me deeply after I lost the twins....


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## DreamWeaver (May 28, 2002)

This is just awful!















for your friend and her babies.
The link that Mamaterra posted is a good one.
There is a sticky about things to say/do that is helpful to read, and there is also a thread that someone started a while back about responding to news of a stillbirth.

Ask if she wishes to talk, then listen. If she prefers to be alone for a while, hold that space for her, but check in often.
Is she cold where she is? You may want to send her stuff that she can feel warm in- a bathrobe, a blanket, hot chocolate mix....
A friend sent me a small blanket she knitted that I could use as a shawl for comfort.
Also, worry beads that she can rub on.

This is hard. Such a sad thing to happen esp at this time of year! Your friend is in my thoughts.


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## apmama2myboo (Mar 30, 2005)

how terrible, that's so sad. I would put together a care package of sorts. think of what some of her other interests are (hobbies or whatever) and get some magazines or books and send them to her. i had friends do this for me and it was so awesome, and got me back into thinking about my non-pregnant self a bit more, who i am and was before the pregnancy. a nice card can speak volumes. a gift card or certificate for a massage or some such treatment would be good for her. another thing you can find is a figurine of an Angel of Hope. the nurse and bereavement staff at the hospital gave us a wooden figure like that, it's about 6" tall and we have it up on the shelf with his box and stuff, and it's nice to look at it and think of hope instead of just loss. hugs to your friend, and bless you for being so thoughtful. May she find comfort in friends like you and family around her.


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

I am so sorry mama for your friend's loss. That is just too much for one person to bear.

I would make her up a care package of special things and just let her talk when she needs to, call her in a few weeks after others are no longer there to help, etc. I would remember significant dates and maybe call her or send her a card that you're thinking of her then.

Please take care!


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## sakura3 (Nov 16, 2006)

I am so sorry for your friend's losses. My heart goes out to her...









She may want to try contacting the people at CLIMB - Center for Loss in Multiple Birth at climb-support.org. You may find more ideas there, as well. She will be able to connect with moms who've lost multiples (if she wants).

There's also a Yahoo support group called LAMBS (Loss of All in Multiple Birth) that might help too.

I lost one of my twins and while I was very resistant to suggestions such as the above, it helped when someone simply wrote down resources, gave them to me, and left it up to me to pursue or not. Everyone's different - of course...

You are a good friend for reaching out. I am sorry for your losses, too.

sakura


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