# So Scared, Please Help - Heavy Drinking Before I Knew I Was Pregnant



## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

I am usually just a social drinker, a few glasses of wine here or there during the week with dinner, etc. I had one wild weekend recently when I drank two bottles of wine by myself, then had 3 drinks the next day and 4 drinks the next day.

The day after was the day that my period should have started. I took a pregnancy test to ease my mind, and it turned up positive.

I went to the doctor, and he confirmed that I was exactly four weeks pregnant (then four weeks 1 day, then four weeks 2 days) when I had my weekend bender.

I asked the doctor about fetal alcohol damage, and he was not very reassuring. He said we might be fine but that there is a risk, a risk that he cannot put a percentage on.

Everything that I have read online, from peer review studies to news articles, makes it clear that a high blood alcohol level WILL damage a growing fetus, especially in weeks 4 to 6 of pregnancy.

Please know that I stopped drinking the moment I found out I was pregnant. Although my husband denies that I had a drinking problem, I am now also in an alcoholic support group. I will NEVER drink again, but I need to know if there is a CHANCE that my baby will be fine.

I'm hoping I can find other moms who have been in my shoes. Please, anyone, your stories and advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am terrified and do not know what to do.


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## MadelynMc (Dec 27, 2012)

I can't relate to your exact situation, but with my last pregnancy I didn't find out I was pregnant (or even suspect) until I was six weeks. During that time, I went out a couple of times, but did not drink heavily, I'd say 3 drinks at a time. I also had a bone scan, before which the tech asked if I could be pregnant. Like I said, the thought hadn't even occurred to me. My OB told me that it wasn't really a big deal, and now I have a super healthy three-year-old. There are no guarantees in pregnancy, but I think you will be fine. My husband knew a girl in college that did not find out she was pregnant until she was six months along, and she had been drinking all along. Her son is five now, I think. It's certainly not recommended or in any way ideal, but I think the body has a way of protecting baby from those things as much as possible.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I think the vast majority of babies born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome are born to moms who drank throughout pregnancy. And I've known quite a few friends who found out they were pregnant but who had been drinking and partying pretty hard until then, and in all those cases their babies were fine. My mom drank all the time up until she was pregnant, in fact she told me she always knew when she was pregnant because she couldn't hold her liquor, so she stopped drinking when she was pregnant because it made her feel more sick, and my siblings and I are fine. I'm certainly not advocating mothers (or anyone for that matter) drink like my mom, just relaying that we didn't have any problems.

It's good you were honest with your doctor, but the greatest likelihood is that your baby will be fine since you stopped as soon as you missed a period. I'm glad you're being responsible and not drinking anymore! Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to having a new baby.


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## drouege (Feb 19, 2013)

I found myself in the same situation... well not with wine. More like Vodka and Jello Shots -_-. I had no Idea I was pregnant. Wen I went to the doctor she told me I should b fine, because it was so early on and as long as I didnt drink anymore. Im now 30 weeks and Ive had a perfect pregnancy so far. (crosses fingers).


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

Baby will be fine, Mama! I worried with my first because I found out I was pg with her after a weeklong millenium New Years party in 1999. It was supposed to be our last "hurrah" before we tried to conceive. Ooops.
She was and is just fine. If you think about it, most women don't know they're pg until that first missed period.


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## jazzybaby9 (Feb 27, 2007)

I wouldn't worry. I was doing far worse things than drinking before I found out I was pregnant in 2007 (obviously I quit when I found out). My daughter is bright and happy and smart as can be.

Don't stress!


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## crunchymama19 (Apr 9, 2011)

I agree to not stress. With my first I was drinking a lot and had NO idea I might be pregnant until 6 weeks. I stopped the minute I found out of course but I now have a healthy happy 5 yo. It happens to a lot of people!


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## Jennyanydots (Sep 8, 2011)

I also had a regrettable night of binge drinking right before finding out I was pregnant with my son. It was just past the 4 wk mark, and I spent the remainder of my pregnancy terrified I'd hurt my baby horribly. I read every study I could find, like you are doing now. The results were mixed- some scary and some reassuring.
He is a bright, beautiful, healthy, and precocious toddler now- no FAS in sight. I wish I'd spent more time thinking happy thoughts and not consumed with worry during my pregnancy.
Your baby will almost certainly be fine. Take care of yourself.


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

Another vote for try not to worry. I was away in Mexico with DH at an all inclusive resort the week I missed my period with DD. Tequila and rum were my friends! I didn't get wasted but had about 3-5 drinks over 24 hours most days for a week (eating and drinking water in between). DD is now almost 2, super bright and energetic. I think our bodies can deal with a couple of days of drinking much more easily than drinking heavily nonstop. Yes, baby is exposed but very soon has time to recover and eliminate the alcohol. I'm in no way advocating drinking while pregnant but a weekend of drinking before you know you're pregnant is highly unlikely to do irreversible damage. If baby was constantly exposed to alcohol throughout the pregnancy then the odds of developing FAS are much higher. I think the dr has to cover himself so he can't be misunderstood as brushing aside or condoning drinking during pregnancy. Your responsibility is to stop once you know you're expecting, which you've already done. Try to relax. We are all human and do our best but don't have crystal balls. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and know that babies are very resilient. By far most likely you will have a happy, healthy little person to meet in a few months.


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## askew (Jun 15, 2006)

I was pregnant on my honeymoon. I had no idea, my period was due while we were there and I felt like I had all the symptoms of it "coming any minute". I drank every day. Not a lot, but at least three glasses of wine a day. My son is 6 and totally fine.

I have a friend who was 6 weeks pregnant and started bleeding. She though for sure she was miss carrying. She went out and got smashed on whiskey that night. Only to find out two days later baby was still there. He's a healthy 5 year old.


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## Jacquelin (Apr 26, 2012)

I agree with the other moms that you are probably ok. I was on holiday before I knew I was pregnant and there were fruity drinks throughout the day, hot tubs, and often 1/2 bottle of wine with dinner every night. That child is exceptionally healthy and bright and had great fetal readings throughout the pregnancy. The truth is that no one knows what impact binge drinking has for early fetal development. It is possible that when harm occurs the woman "miscarries" at week 4+ thinking it is their period and never knowing they were pregnant in the first place. This did not happen to you. Your baby is still here so I would take that as a good sign that things are progressing well.

At the risk of adding more worries, I am concerned about your folic acid intake at that time because alcohol depletes the body if it. Were you taking a prenatal vitamin? Were you able to start as soon as you found out? All in all, I think that if you are doing the right things now everything will be ok. More of the fetal form happens in weeks 5 & 6 and by now you are doing everything you can. You're already a good mom for what you are doing. Try not to worry about this. Let it recede into the background and enjoy your pregnancy because a happy and healthy womb is probably more important over the long term that what happened for two days in week 4. In a few years you'll be like me, writing about how all that worry was for nothing and looking back fondly on the carefree life you once led, minor regrets and all.


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## FLmomof1/1ontheway (Apr 25, 2007)

I felt exactly the same way with my first. I was young and drank daily, a lot! I quit a job I hated and got smashed. I got drunk on Thanksgiving. I smoked cigarettes too! I was sick to my stomach with worry when that little line turned pink. I of course did not drink anymore and quit cigarettes cold turkey right then and there. I had a beautiful, perfect in every way baby girl. She is 8 now, smart as a whip.
Most babies are created when there is some drinking going on! The US is also more strict about drinking during pregnancy then many other countries. Our bodies are amazing at protecting those babies before we even know we have babies in there. Lots of development takes place after you test positive also! I know you'll worry. I did but I hope my story makes you feel a little better.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

I am a rare drinker (think like, less than 10 drinks a YEAR)...but Memorial Day weekend 2003 I got tremendously drunk all weekend when friends came to visit us.....then a couple weeks later, went to visit another friend out of state and drank quite a bit then too.....only to find out 3 weeks after that.....SURPRISE! 

DS is 9, sharp as a tack, and an absolute delight.

It's hard to not worry mama, but try.


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## sillymomma2001 (Mar 13, 2013)

You said you did your heavy drinking during week 3 then. Your baby was getting his nourishment from the yolk sac at that point. Your baby probably didn't even implant in the lining of your uterus yet. You have to remember that doctors are worried about getting sued. Seriously, what if there was something wrong and you came back and sued him because he told you everything will be fine. He can't do that with anyone. They always make sure they say the risks of anything to cover their butts. It's kinds like those medication commercials where they mumble all the possible side effects. They don't want to get sued either. It's meds that we take all the time, but you'd think they were gonna kill you.

I agree with the PP that the babies that mostly get FAS are the ones that were repeatedly exposed by moms who didn't care and just kept drinking.

I hope you are still reading this. How are you feeling tbsmith? I'll check back later today to make sure you are okay.

sillymomma


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sillymomma2001*
> 
> You said you did your heavy drinking during week 3 then. Your baby was getting his nourishment from the yolk sac at that point. Your baby probably didn't even implant in the lining of your uterus yet. You have to remember that doctors are worried about getting sued. Seriously, what if there was something wrong and you came back and sued him because he told you everything will be fine. He can't do that with anyone. They always make sure they say the risks of anything to cover their butts. It's kinds like those medication commercials where they mumble all the possible side effects. They don't want to get sued either. It's meds that we take all the time, but you'd think they were gonna kill you.
> 
> ...


Silly Momma,

My periods are usually 30 days apart. I was doing my heaviest drinking exactly 4 weeks after my last period started. I conceived, from what we learned, about 2 weeks before that drinking incident. Three weeks would mean a 21 day cycle, and my periods have never been that close together.

The doctors have said that there may no discernible effect from drinking that heavily at 4 weeks, or the impact could be significant. The doctor thinks I am "probably" fine, but he really cannot offer any reassurance. He did say that the embryo was exposed to the alcohol, I am certain of that.


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## thefreckledmama (Jun 1, 2007)

Eh, you're doctor, frankly, is wrong. At that stage of pregnancy, the baby isn't going to be effected by a couple incidents of drinking that early on. I will try to find links and sources, but basically there are biological safeguards to protect the baby from outside dangers early on before you would logically even suspect pregnancy.

That being said, my oldest was also an instance of going out drinking and having quite the weekend before taking a test Monday morning only to discover I was pregnant. She is bright and perfect and amazing. I would venture to say you're causing more harm in worrying so much than you would have done drinking before you knew you were pregnant.


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

I wish my doctor had just said "it was too early, you are fine." I know that he cannot promise that the baby will be fine; so many things can impact a pregnancy. But still, his talk about un-quantifiable risks and "not being able to put a number on it" has certainly made it harder to think that the baby is probably fine.

I was drinking during the weekdays like a said, having wine with dinner, but not in excess during the week (i.e. 1 drink maybe 2, up to 3 sometimes if the wine was really good). The party weekend at 4 weeks was just really, really unfortunate and rare. I usually do not drink to the point I am drunk, but that was definitely such an occasion.


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## sillymomma2001 (Mar 13, 2013)

My periods are long too. I've done charting for quite a while to determine when I ovulate. I've learned that a longer cycle means you ovulate later. For my 32 day cycles, I tend to ovulate on day 18. That's opposed to someone with a 28 day cycle ovulating around day 14. So that is good news for you. If you want you can post your dates and we can look at the calendar together. Btw, what did your ultrasound look like?


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

The doctor thinks that the baby was conceived on January 17 or January 18. I was drinking a few glasses of wine at dinner on most nights, and the random party night (the 2 bottles of wine night) was February 1.

So, I was not as lucky as one would hope. There is some variation in my periods, but 30 days is usually what I go by. My last period was January 4, and when February 4 rolled around, that was when I started to panic.

The ultrasound was fine. The fetal heart beat was in the normal range, and the doctor said that the fetal growth was on track.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

At 2 weeks post conception, I would not worry. If you conceived Jan 17 or 18, and the 2 bottles of wine were around Feb 1, that's just 2 weeks (not 4), which I believe is just after implantation, isn't it? Implantation is around 10days-2 weeks. The stress you're giving yourself about this is probably worse than any alcohol was at that very early stage. Relax, deep breaths, mama.


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## Sphinxy (Oct 4, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *The4OfUs*
> 
> At 2 weeks post conception, I would not worry. If you conceived Jan 17 or 18, and the 2 bottles of wine were around Feb 1, that's just 2 weeks (not 4), which I believe is just after implantation, isn't it? Implantation is around 10days-2 weeks. The stress you're giving yourself about this is probably worse than any alcohol was at that very early stage. Relax, deep breaths, mama.












Remember, we are a very hardy species. I totally get fear, and don't mean to minimize. But it doesn't sound like you blacked out or got so drunk that you needed your stomach pumped, and it was really really early. Both your liver and your uterus were helping to filter the bad stuff out of your bloodstream. I say treat yourself to something relaxing, like a pedicure or gentle yoga class.


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

I just wish that the doctor had told me to relax and not to worry about it. He made it seem like fetal alcohol damage was a real possibility, in light of what I had to drink. It was not a certainty, because he did say that he would not recommend that I terminate the pregnancy. But still...if he had told me to go relax and have a pedicure, I would have listened.


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## sillymomma2001 (Mar 13, 2013)

My ob/gyn's never got into date of conception that much. They just glossed over my info and gave me the standard, "you probably conceived 2 weeks after the first day of your last period." They don't take the time. If you went on any fertility board and told them you have a 30 day cycle and the first day of your last period was Jan 4th, they will tell you that you probably conceived around Jan 20th. Either way, you're looking at your baby being in the process of implantation around the Feb 1st binge. The placenta hasn't even developed yet.

You sound a lot like me. I want to control all the things that can go wrong. I just had a conversation with my dh about this. He is an awesome skiier. And I can't get past skiing the beginner green runs. He said the fun part is letting go and being a little out of control. UM NO I want to be in total control skiing. I don't want to fall! He said that I'll never like skiing then! Which is true!

One thing that we do learn in life is that we can't have total control over all the possibilities of things going wrong. ENJOY your first pregnancy. This is your first baby. You are already his or her momma! Tell yourself to enjoy! Enjoy your dh who wants you and wants your baby! You have a lot going for you. You have stopped drinking and you are working on your anxiety. Look at all this baby has helped her mom to accomplish! Motherhood has already changed you. Allow yourself to enjoy the sweet little family that you are starting. Think of what your baby looks like - little arms and legs. He or she would fit in the palm of your hand. You accomplished that! You are almost ready for the second trimester with a little baby bump! Enjoy the attention. I have to tell myself this a lot being a mom. I get all wrapped up in the problems. And I have to just stop and enjoy being a mom.

take care!


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

I also think you'll be fine. I know many people who continued drinking like thee was no tomorrow until they found out they were pregnant. My friend in highschool was a stripper (and it was much more than just drinking) and didn't know she was pregnant until she started to show, her daughter is now in high school and perfectly healthy.


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## sillymomma2001 (Mar 13, 2013)

That dr has me really upset for you. He shouldn't have scared you like that. If you abort you may be able to control the situation for a while. But you may be adding other problems to your life. Think of all the women on abortion boards that are still talking about their abortion months and years after they had it. They are talking because it is STILL on their minds. I don't want you to be talking about your abortion 5 years from now. I want you to be taking your 5 year old girl or boy to the park. I'm just so frustrated with your dr for being so judgmental. I think his comments were more judging your drinking than really commenting on the medical state of your baby. He just doesn't want to get sued. I'm serious! Doesn't he know how hard it is to go through and abortion. Of course not, he's a guy. grrrr.


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

I guess this really is about control. Having a child is a scary prospect anyway, and there is always some risk that something will go wrong. But what I have struggled with is why I should live with this risk of fetal alcohol exposure. I know that it doesn't sound too bad to be drinking before you know you are pregnant, but knowing how anxious I am about this pregnancy, if there was really no need to worry, my doctor would have told me not to worry. If anything, he said that there is a reason to worry...he just can't tell me how much I should worry.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

What's done is done, you can't change the past. Pregnancy is one big worry, if it wasn't this, it would be something else. For me it was going through a body scanner 3 times at the airport while I was pregnant. I knew they couldn't force me but I gave in to their threats and just to "show me who's boss", they had me go through 3 times. I thought if something happens, I could never forgive myself for allowing them to do that, but everything turned out fine. I know there still could be something that goes wrong in the future but we'll never know and I can't keep beating myself up over something I can't change anymore.


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Escaping*
> 
> What's done is done, you can't change the past. Pregnancy is one big worry, if it wasn't this, it would be something else. For me it was going through a body scanner 3 times at the airport while I was pregnant. I knew they couldn't force me but I gave in to their threats and just to "show me who's boss", they had me go through 3 times. I thought if something happens, I could never forgive myself for allowing them to do that, but everything turned out fine. I know there still could be something that goes wrong in the future but we'll never know and I can't keep beating myself up over something I can't change anymore.


If it makes you feel any better, my doctor (the same one who made me feel like I will probably have a child with fetal alcohol syndrome) thinks that the body scanners at the airport are perfectly safe.

I am sorry that you worried about the exposure from the scanner, and I'm not trying to downplay that. I just thought you might want to know that the same doctor, who sees no need to downplay a potential risk, thought they were fine.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

I've known a couple ppl who had a heavy drinking night or two before finding out they were pregnant and their kids were fine... just to add to the anecdotal evidence. I suspect it's actually fairly common.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tsmith02162013*
> 
> If it makes you feel any better, my doctor (the same one who made me feel like I will probably have a child with fetal alcohol syndrome) thinks that the body scanners at the airport are perfectly safe.
> 
> I am sorry that you worried about the exposure from the scanner, and I'm not trying to downplay that. I just thought you might want to know that the same doctor, who sees no need to downplay a potential risk, thought they were fine.


Thanks, that makes me feel better


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

OP I would be looking for a new doctor if you don't feel comfortable. I too was one of those people that had a HUGE drinking night (work christmas party) a few days before finding out I was pregnant. And my daughter is healthy 

I do think you need to listen to what the previous posters have said about the fact that while the due date things put you at "4 weeks" pregnant, you have to remember that the first two weeks are before you have even ovulated and then it could take another few days from the time of conceiving until implantation actually occurs. So most likely your baby was less than two weeks old at the time. I don't believe the placenta is even formed until a couple weeks after implantation and that's the only way alcohol would be able to get to the baby, otherwise like another poster said it's being fed by the yolk sack.

I know people who have drank their entire pregnancy and been fine and I also know kids close in our family (adopted) who have FAS. Those babies were exposed to alcohol throughout their entire pregnancy. And you know what? They are awesome and amazing and smart and caring kids. You honestly wouldn't know they had an issue.

I honestly and wondering if there is something else going on OP? Everyone on this thread is reassuring you that everything will be fine and yet it doesn't seem like the help you were looking for.

How are you feeling about the pregnancy? Were you guys trying to get pregnant? What other support do you have in real life? Can you go see a counselor outside of AA to talk to about dealing with your "control" feelings? Is there another Dr you can see?

I am one that always feels I need to be in control as well and honestly when it comes to pregnancy, babies, toddlers and kids you lose a certain amount of control. I think this may be something you could work on now and benefit from.


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *delightedbutterfly*
> 
> OP I would be looking for a new doctor if you don't feel comfortable. I too was one of those people that had a HUGE drinking night (work christmas party) a few days before finding out I was pregnant. And my daughter is healthy
> 
> ...


The bigger picture is that I am just really scared, and I cannot shake it. I think it has to do with the doctor being so negative. From what I've heard, this is a common problem. You live life thinking you're not pregnant, and then bam, suddenly every mistake you made in those few weeks before then come back to haunt you, maybe for the rest of your life.

It would have been one thing if the doctor said "the chances of your child having FAS are low, although there is a chance." What he said instead is that he cannot quantify the risk but that we might still be okay. That's really scary, to me. If I could even get a "you're 60-percent likely to be okay," that would have been helpful. Instead, it's just a total question mark as to whether our child will have a severe disability or not.

I ABSOLUTELY crave control over this situation. I would love to get pregnant again and NOT have anything to drink. I was also not taking prenatal vitamins until I found out I was pregnant. We are probably only going to have one child ever, and it scares me to think that our child could have a serious disability because of what I did, solely.

I know that there is always a risk that a child will be born with birth defects, but I still question whether this is a risk that I can live with for the rest of my life.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

I hear you I do...

Can you find another doctor and can you see a counselor to deal with your anixiety over this and the control things.

I'm not a doctor but I'd be willing to say you have more than a 60% chance your baby will be fine. You are right there is no absolutes. You are going to screw up as a parent even when at the time you feel you are making the right choices. I completely understand the need for control, however nothing in parenting, pregnancy or birth can be controlled. We can prepare ourselves to try for the best possible outcomes but it doesn't happen.

I really think you need to consider a new doctor and to see a counselor for the anxiety/control feelings OP. The stress you are feeling is probably going to be worse on your body than the weekend of alcohol you had.

I get you want to control this situation and you are stressing out about what the doctor said... But you asked for help here, what help is it you are looking for?


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

I hear you I do...

Can you find another doctor and can you see a counselor to deal with your anixiety over this and the control things.

I'm not a doctor but I'd be willing to say you have more than a 60% chance your baby will be fine. You are right there is no absolutes. You are going to screw up as a parent even when at the time you feel you are making the right choices. I completely understand the need for control, however nothing in parenting, pregnancy or birth can be controlled. We can prepare ourselves to try for the best possible outcomes but it doesn't happen.

I really think you need to consider a new doctor and to see a counselor for the anxiety/control feelings OP. The stress you are feeling is probably going to be worse on your body than the weekend of alcohol you had.

I get you want to control this situation and you are stressing out about what the doctor said... But you asked for help here, what help is it you are looking for?


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## sillymomma2001 (Mar 13, 2013)

I think you've come a long way in this thread. You are really exploring what is making you so scared. Good for you!

What I'm hearing is that you are scared because:

1) All of a sudden you find out that you have a surprise pregnancy.

2) Not only are you pregnant, but your vice of drinking heavily has finally had a potential consequence

3) You aren't sure if you are ready to be a mom

Is that right? If so, here a few things to think about on each issue:

1) It's okay to be surprised and scared. Sometimes life feels out of control. We've all been there. At some point the surprise and "freaked out" feeling will go away. 50% of pregnancies are surprises. I personally think that God created our lives so we aren't in total control. That way we know that there's a power bigger than us.

2) Your surprise is filled with terror as you think of all the selfish things you've done not knowing you were pregnant. No wonder you are terrorized by this. That's a natural feeling too. What if your baby is delayed in some way? Not something that a first time mom knows how to deal with. It's also exaggerated by your anxiety. Then your Dr chooses his words the worst way possible. Oy, it's the perfect storm! Know that so many women here have had severe binges before they knew they were pregnant. You are not alone in this.

3) When you get a baby before having the chance to process if you even want to try, it can make you step back and think. You didn't have time to be ready. It's okay. So many new moms feel scared.

So I hear when you say that you ABSOLUTELY crave control. You are freaked out! You feel stuck in this pregnancy thinking of all the horrible outcomes.

Maybe we should explore your worst fear. Let's assume your baby is formed with severe developmental delays. Is you life over? For a first time mom, it would probably feel that way. You've never raised a kid, and now you have one that is way more work. What are your options? 1) If you are totally overwhelmed you can give the baby up for adoption. No one would judge you for choosing the best for your child. You can tell everyone that your anxiety is such that you cannot handle this. 2) You learn as you go. At first your baby will want to eat, sleep, and be held. His/her needs will be pretty basic just like all other babies at first. As you would find out more about the delays you would educate yourself and put him in the therapy that he needs.

I think your baby will be fine! But I just wanted to take you there so you can see what your options are if the worst happens. Maybe facing your fears has helped?


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *delightedbutterfly*
> 
> I hear you I do...
> 
> ...


I am seeing a therapist, but she recommended that I take anti-anxiety medication, which has its own risks for the health of the child. I'm not willing to do that. I really just want to find out if other moms drank as much as I did and what their outcomes were. I feel like I need hope more than anything at this point, but hope based on real stories about women who really did what I did and decided to keep going with the pregnancy anyway.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

So just for refresher and curiosity sake... I went and did some research.

Alcohol cannot cross into the yolk sac. The yolk sac primarily works until 6 weeks of gestational age at which time a primitive placenta is starting to take over. The placenta takes over completely from what I can gather any time between 6-9 weeks gestational age.

Alcohol CAN pass the placenta, however you say you quit drinking at 4 weeks 3 days. Therefore no need to worry about the alcohol crossing the placenta, baby should still be supplied by the yolk sac.

Also I tried finding the same findings you did on the gestation time frame and everything I can find is saying in weeks 4-8 AFTER CONCEPTION. Which would make a mother 6-10 weeks pregnant (remember conception usually happens 2-3 weeks after the start of your period) and fitting the timeline of when the placenta starts to take over from the yolk sac.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tsmith02162013*
> 
> I really just want to find out if other moms drank as much as I did and what their outcomes were. I feel like I need hope more than anything at this point, but hope based on real stories about women who really did what I did and decided to keep going with the pregnancy anyway.


I get that...

And it looks like you have gotten a lot of people saying they had heavy drinking (or worse) before knowing they were pregnant and their child is fine.

I am really sorry your doctor has scared you so bad. That is not ok. I am glad you are seeing a therapist, and I totally understand you not wanting to take anti anxiety meds. I wouldn't either







I still say you should find a new prgnancy doctor however. One that will support the whole you including your need to be heard.

FWIW not only did I have a large drinking binge but I had a really stressful two months after I found out I was pregnant (no emotional support), I was on hormonal birth control and hadn't taken any vitamins since I was a young child. My child does NOT have FAS or FAE or similar. She's happy and healthy.

She DOES have a very slight learning disability however we've discovered that it is 99% probable it is hereditary. She could have gone her whole life without being diagnosed with this but she just has a kick ass and attentive mom







even my husband didn't think there was anything wrong. But it was definitely not related to my HEAVY night of drinking...


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## tsmith02162013 (Feb 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *delightedbutterfly*
> 
> I get that...
> 
> ...


If this is too personal, please let me know. . .but how far along were you when you had your drinking binge? Were you at 4 weeks like me, right at the missed period point, or were you earlier?

I'm glad that your daughter is happy and healthy. It sounds like she is absolutely amazing.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tsmith02162013*
> 
> If this is too personal, please let me know. . .but how far along were you when you had your drinking binge? Were you at 4 weeks like me, right at the missed period point, or were you earlier?
> 
> I'm glad that your daughter is happy and healthy. It sounds like she is absolutely amazing.


Yep it was my work Christmas party... My BF (now husband) was with me and I am pretty sure I was "double fisting" double Long Island ice teas all night... So large amount of alcohol in every drink. My cycles were average 28-32 days at the time and I found out the next night or the night after...

Oh and right around the time we would have conceived I was also out partying with my friend for her birthday. She swears "that" was the night...


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## salmontree (Mar 29, 2004)

Your doctor has horrible bedside manners and sounds ignorant of the facts. There is a biolgical "grace period" at the beginning of pregnancy and the odds that you caused harm with one night of binge drinking at four weeks in is incredibly small. Its irresponsible of your doctor to frame the situation in such a way that it feels like a risk worth losing sleep over and I would also be looking for a a new care provider.

I didn't know with my first until well into week 6 or 7 and every day leading up to that discovery of pregnancy i was drinking 3 to 5 drinks. I was freaked but my son turned out perfectly fine. Above average intelligence.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *salmontree*
> 
> Your doctor has horrible bedside manners and sounds ignorant of the facts. There is a biolgical "grace period" at the beginning of pregnancy and the odds that you caused harm with one night of binge drinking at four weeks in is incredibly small. Its irresponsible of your doctor to frame the situation in such a way that it feels like a risk worth losing sleep over and I would also be looking for a a new care provider.


Really, this.


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## Jacquelin (Apr 26, 2012)

I'd like to revisit what the doctor said in the hope that it helps. You said he said "he cannot quantify the risk but that we might still be okay." There is nothing "extra" in this statement than what you already know. It is 100% true that medical knowledge is not at a state of being able to calculate a probability for fetal alcohol damage during early pregnancy. Most of the data regard women who drink, excessively or not, throughout their pregnancy. In terms of medical research, these are the easier ones to find and study. They can track them either prospectively or retrospectively and calculate risk for having fetal alcohol syndrome. Women in your category are much harder to find and so the data probably do not exist or are weak. The other issue, that I mentioned earlier, is that women who have a binge during this time may "miscarry" and no one - including the woman - ever know they are pregnant because it happens very close to the time they should have their period. So although the way he said it ended up not being comforting, the basic facts are that no one knows. It could be a possibility---one that there is no science to rule out---but it could also not be a possibility.The other confounding factor is that many health problems are not "caused" by a single factor, but many. When we say that such and such causes X disease or syndrome, there are usually other (more confounding) factors involved. If something were to have happened, it would probably be a combination of the binge drinking episode, genetics (from both parents), and a small nutrient deficiency. (I am just making this up.) But as a fellow mother, and member of the worrying club myself, you've got to find relief in the fact that you only control a small % of that scenario. None of us are perfect.

We can't ever perfectly plan our actions for every conceivable outcome. (heh-heh.) Please, please give yourself a break and don't resist this fact of life but accept it for what it is. We all must. I truly believe your baby will be free of any major health problems that could have been prevented by your not drinking. If there are other (minor) problems, like a learning disability, this single act probably didn't "cause" it. Sometime later you will realize that part of the path of becoming a mother means learning how to accept the problems of others with compassion and moreover, to accept yourself as well. As someone prone to perfectionism and anxiety like you seem to be, this was the greatest gift. I am not sure I could have learned it without becoming a mother. Now that I am expecting another baby, I am not that worried about problems (big or small) that might be on the horizon with the next one. (Obviously, I don't want there to be any problems. But I am not actively worrying about them.) I have accepted that this is part of the gift of life for both me and my child. Truly, everything is going to be alright.


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## ciga (Aug 10, 2009)

I am also not usually a big drinker but when I was pregnant with my now 3 year old perfect and beautiful son my husband and I went away for a weekend to visit friends and I drank more that weekend than I had probably had to drink in the entire month before combined. I was totally drunk two nights in a row. I didn't have even an inkling that I was pregnant until the week after when my period didn't show. I also have 30-31 day cycles (in fact, my last period this time around was January 4th and was expected around Feb 4th) so I was probably at about the same point in my pregnancy that time. Actually now I suspect that my Luteal Phase is very long (like 20 days) so I was actually probably about a week farther into my pregnancy than you. I panicked at first too but reading other women's stories of the same really helped calm me down. It also helped to think about my grandmother drinking and smoking through every one of her 8 pregnancies. Not ideal obviously, but it definitely made me put my one bad weekend into perspective. Like I said, there is no FAS in sight here, he is perfect. I really do agree with the previous posters that the issue is more about sustained heavy drinking throughout pregnancy than a weekend binge in those early weeks.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *salmontree*
> 
> Your doctor has horrible bedside manners and sounds ignorant of the facts. There is a biolgical "grace period" at the beginning of pregnancy and the odds that you caused harm with one night of binge drinking at four weeks in is incredibly small. Its irresponsible of your doctor to frame the situation in such a way that it feels like a risk worth losing sleep over and I would also be looking for a a new care provider.


I agree 100%. Find a new doctor.

OP - I drank alcohol on vacation prior to finding out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. My anxiety over any potential harm put me over the edge. My OB said it was completely fine. Further, he said FAS occurs not from a couple of nights of partying but from serious, hardcore chronic (as in many drinks daily over an entire pregnancy) consumption. Our child is completely fine, I wasted all that worry


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Jacquelin*
> 
> We can't ever perfectly plan our actions for every conceivable outcome. (heh-heh.) Please, please give yourself a break and don't resist this fact of life but accept it for what it is. We all must. I truly believe your baby will be free of any major health problems that could have been prevented by your not drinking. If there are other (minor) problems, like a learning disability, this single act probably didn't "cause" it. Sometime later you will realize that part of the path of becoming a mother means learning how to accept the problems of others with compassion and moreover, to accept yourself as well. As someone prone to perfectionism and anxiety like you seem to be, this was the greatest gift. I am not sure I could have learned it without becoming a mother. Now that I am expecting another baby, I am not that worried about problems (big or small) that might be on the horizon with the next one. (Obviously, I don't want there to be any problems. But I am not actively worrying about them.) I have accepted that this is part of the gift of life for both me and my child. Truly, everything is going to be alright.


This is beautiful. It is hard to give over control, it's hard to not try to micromanage every aspect you think that you can to try to make everything "right" (I speak from experience)...but as a friend of many women who have done everything (and I mean everything) "right" and still had unexpected outcomes, coming to realize that we really *aren't* in control is humbling, and actually....healing.

My big lightbulb was after my second was born. My firstborn was calm, happy, social, independent from the get go. And I thought it was because of the way I parented him. My second born dropped me to my knees with humility because of her intensity and high needs, and separation anxiety...same parenting, different kid, different outcome. It was difficult to give up the way I envisioned parenting and start to actually parent the kids the way they needed to be parented, meeting them where they were instead of where I wanted us to be. But again - humbling, and healing. This does not mean you don't take care or give up trying to influence things...it just means you don't let those things that you can no longer control, control you.


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