# Loss at 36 Weeks



## writinglove (May 5, 2011)

Baby George was stillborn on 12/29/11 at 36 weeks exactly. His cause of death is unknown. My DH and I just got home from the hospital, and are surrounded by family, but are finding reentry into life to be very difficult.

Any words of advice from people who have BTDT is most appreciated.


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## dogmom327 (Apr 19, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss mama


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## nelson (Aug 12, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss







.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I am so sorry to read of the loss of your baby George. My heart aches for you and the pain that you are feeling now. I have btdt, wished I could say I have not. The most important thing I can think of is for you to keep some remembrances of George - pictures, lock of hair, hand and feet prints or imprints, blanket that was close to him, clothes you might have changes him into. you only have this brief time to make enough memories to last a lifetime. you may not want these things now but you may in the future. I cherish the memories of my daughter. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (nilmdts) is an organization that can provide a photographer to do pictures of your son.
www.glowinthewoods.com is a website where you can find baby lost moms
Most of all - be gentle with yourself, it takes a long time to incorporate a loss and to begin the healing process







George


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

We lost our son many years ago at 36 and half weeks gestation. It was a long road to healing. After the shock and sadness, I got stuck on anger for a while. Grief sucks. You can PM me if you like.


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## Mom31 (Jun 11, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

Sweet baby George








I'm so sorry for your loss. My daughter, Georgia, was stillborn at term almost five years ago. I've gone on to have two living sons who are the light of my life but I'll never stop thinking about their sister and wishing she was with us.
I'm here anytime you need to talk or feel free to PM me.


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## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

Dear, sweet George ...

My thoughts are with you and yours ...


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## vulnerable (Apr 21, 2009)

So sorry for you loss. I really have no advice. i lost mine at 39 weeks almost a year ago and it is still very hard on me. They say time heals everything and yes it does get easier but still difficult. *hugs*


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## music.mama.pdx (Jul 14, 2010)

I lost my son, also George, at 18 weeks in August. I know it's got to be even harder at 36 weeks. My thoughts are with you. May you find some peace in the coming days.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I lost my daughter at 39 weeks. Going home was the hardest part, because I had to walk past her nursery to get to our room. My family were supportive...that is helpful and I am glad you are surrounded by love. I don't have much advice, except this, take as long as you need to grieve your son. Do not let anyone, tell you when you should "move on" or "be over it". Truth be told, you are never over the loss of a child. It gets better, but you will always mourn them, think about the milestones you will miss.It is okay and normal. Thinking of you


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

writinglove, I am so very sorry for your loss of your sweet son George.

My second son would be 4 1/2 now . . . . He was born still at 38 weeks

because of an umbilical cord accident.

losing him was by far the hardest, saddest life-event I have ever experienced.

No words of wisdom really - just know that you are not alone . . . .

You will find, in your healing journey, that there are a lot (too many) of us loss-mamas out there.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, although you may not see it now.

Grief takes a long time. Like momz3 said, you never "get over" something like this.

I have heard it called learning to live your "new normal."

Please be gentle with yourself.


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## Alphaghetti (May 26, 2005)

So very sorry to hear about your precious son. Sleep well, Baby George.


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## KirstenO (Apr 22, 2011)

Dear WritingLove,

Just hang on, eat, sleep, take your vitamins.

Be ok with processing this differently then your husband.

I'm at 18 weeks after my full-term loss and these 18 weeks, compared to 18 weeks of pregnancy, seem to have flown by. And yet it seems that she died forever ago.

You will look back and there may be something/s you wished you had done differently...I do every day. But know that you can't be prepared for such a trauma. And even if you question, know that you are George's mama who loves him.

PM me if you need anything.

George, your mommy loves you.

Peace.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

So sorry for your loss

:candle:


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## Tellera (Oct 28, 2005)

So very sorry for your loss. I don't think I can say more than what the others have said, other than to reiterate the keeping of something of your son's, if it's pictures, the hospital swaddle blanket, handprints, anything.

Be gentle with yourself, whatever you are feeling at any given moment.

It's been 3 1/2 years since my loss, and the sadness and anger ebbs and flows.


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## japonica (May 26, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter at 40w back in 2003, so it'll be nine years in August. Also unknown.

Glow is a great resource.

Be kind to yourself. Take comfort where you can find it, family and friends. There is no "right" way to grieve. And no one ever "gets over" the loss of a child because there is nothing to get over to. That brought me some peace because I'd been hard on myself for years thinking of all the shoulds...should be over it, past it all, a better parent to my living children, whatever. Letting go of expectations is a gift to ourselves.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time. ((HUGS))








George


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry. It really breaks my heart every time I visit this forum and see more babies lost. It's been almost 5 years since my dd was stillborn. My only advice is to stay here and continue to share. Post EVERYTHING, even the stuff you think will freak people out. We're all used to it, we've been there. We've felt the feelings. Just knowing that you aren't alone was what helped me in the beginning. You never get over it and you will never forget George. He will always be with you.


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## writinglove (May 5, 2011)

Thanks all. I'm doing ok tonight. The last couple of weeks have been excruciating, from dealing with our own emotional pain to a grandmother who has been reliving her own stillbirth to getting a call from the funeral home to learn that the urn we picked up isn't big enough for George's ashes.

My DH and I have decided to travel to HI for rest and rejuvenation. We'll be gone for 10 days. One friend was kind enough to buy us a ticket, and we got a great package deal for a rental car and hotel. I think the ocean will be a great place to grieve. I'm looking forward to swimming and getting some serious Vitamin D.

I'm totally freaked out about returning to work. Fortunately I will have a reduced schedule until the middle of April. I plan to use Wednesdays as self care days for doctor's appointments, massages, pedicures, sleeping in.

It is getting easier to let my DH away from my sight. During the first two weeks I suffered serious separation anxiety every time he left my sight. I couldn't even fathom the thought of more profound loss.

And life goes on . . . I'll be in touch after HI.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

Writing-So glad to hear from, HI sounds like the perfect place to go. How very generous of your friend. I wish you peace on the trip.


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## music.mama.pdx (Jul 14, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *writinglove*
> 
> Thanks all. I'm doing ok tonight. The last couple of weeks have been excruciating, from dealing with our own emotional pain to a grandmother who has been reliving her own stillbirth to getting a call from the funeral home to learn that the urn we picked up isn't big enough for George's ashes.
> 
> ...


It's very good you are easing yourself back into life and back into work. I found it very hard to go in every day and took many mornings and day off when I could not handle it. I am also glad to hear you are taking a trip, it will surely help you both. And as a fellow resident of the PNW, the sun does wonders for us in the winter. Take good care.


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## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *writinglove*
> 
> Thanks all. I'm doing ok tonight. The last couple of weeks have been excruciating, from dealing with our own emotional pain to a grandmother who has been reliving her own stillbirth to getting a call from the funeral home to learn that the urn we picked up isn't big enough for George's ashes.
> 
> ...


I hope your trip is healing. I'm a big believer in the healing power of things like sun, rest, good food and wine - and massages!
I was also really worried about returning to work after my leave. I was surprised to discover that not everyone had heard. I was greeted with "how's your baby? by a few colleagues outside my department. After that first day, my boss sent out an e-mail to the entire company explaining that my baby had died. I wish I'd though to ask for that first.
I also felt terrified about my DH leaving my sight. I remember once going looking for him when he took longer than 5 minutes to get milk at the corner store. That sense of vulnerability - that something awful could happen AT ANY MINUTE - has faded with time.


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## writinglove (May 5, 2011)

Hi all,

I've been back from HI for almost two weeks, and have now integrated back into work. HI was soothing. I think it helped massage some of the raw anxiety. I feel better about letting DH out of my sight. I'm less worried about something happening at any moment. I recommend Kauai to anyone who is hurting (and I write that know what privilege I have to be able to go to a place like that with only a week's time to prepare).

Integrating back into work has been another story. Fortunately everyone knew, so I didn't have to worry about telling anyone about what happened, but I haven't been able to care about what I am doing for the life of me. My office seems so sterile and the work feels disconnected from who I am right now. I have a good job, we work to created evidence-based social and political change, but right now I might as well be working for a business that creates something outside of my value system. I. just. don't . care right now. I've been fantacizing about being a naturopath or a doula or a yoga teacher.

We still haven't picked up George's ashes from the funeral home. I think we are avoiding it.

And I'm angry that the universe allows other people to have babies. My faith is being rocked to the core.


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## KirstenO (Apr 22, 2011)

Hi Writinglove - I see you over in the FEB thread, I didn't make the connection there to this thread. I just wanted to say hi over here.

Your job sounds cool. Being a nautropath, or a yoga teacher, or a doula sounds cool too. You like cool things.

Have you picked up George's ashes? Mira's are on my end table in a box that is covered by the candles we had bought in hopes of lighting for a homebirth.

I am glad the HI was a good trip for you. It really sounds like you are doing an amazing job staying grounded through everything.

Peace.


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## writinglove (May 5, 2011)

Thanks, Kirsten.

I don't feel peaceful, but glad to hear I'm not giving off negative vibes.

Hope this little missive finds you in a peaceful place.

xoxo


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