# Second Trimester Losses



## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

Our son was "born" (I have a hard time saying miscarried) this morning at 14 weeks 2 days. I felt him move an hour or so before he died. My midwife feels very strongly from what happened that it was an abruption (apparently they do happen before 20 weeks). He was perfect and beautiful and I feel so, so lost today.

Can those of you who have had second trimester losses give me an idea of what to expect, physically and emotionally? I am praying my milk doesn't come in. I don't know how I will handle that. Did you name your babies? What did you do with their bodies? If you have children, how did you talk about things with them? My seven and five year old asked to see him but I don't think they are mature enough to handle it. This all seems like a bad dream. I'd give anything to rewind.


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss







I too lost my lo to a placental abruption.

My loss was a little different, I was 22 weeks. I did name my baby & he weighed over a pound, so we have him cremated & scattered his ashes in a nearby state park where we love to hike.

My milk did come in, but it wasn't too bad. I wanted to suppress as quickly as possible, so I wore 2 sports bras 24 hours/day until it was gone. I never got engorged, never was uncomfortable. I know psuedoephedrine (Sudafed) is effective @ helping to dry up your milk as are some herbs. Some people swear by cabbage leaves.

As for what to expect emotionally, I think that really diffeers for each woman. I was certainly in shock for the first week or so (though I didn't realize it at the time). I learned that grief is not a straight line... as time progresses, I had more & more good days, but even months after the fact, there would be hards days that hurt just as much as the day Owen died.

I'm not sure if this has been helpful or not... feel free to ask anymore questions.

More


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Once again, I'm very sorry.







:

I did name my babe. At first I felt like Joseph, then I chose a name that could go with either sex-Taylor. I'm not sure what happened to the body since I was at a hospital and don't know what they did.









I can't tell you how you'll grieve, I can only tell you what it was like for me. There was a time when I didn't want to get out of bed. I still feel grief, but it's usually more manageable, and I can usually go about my life. However, I wish the world would just slow down some so I can have more time.

It was hard loosing my baby pooch, that I didn't realize I had until it as gone.

About 2 days later my breasts were very engorged and had doubled in size, but that doesn't happen to every woman who has a 2nd trimester lost.

(((((((((((lisa_nc)))))))))))


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my baby at 13 weeks last month. Some would call that a second trimester loss, others would say first. Either way, I wasn't too far behind you. We believe our baby was a girl, but we picked a gender neutral name. We buried her on top of my dh's grandmother's grave (he felt very strongly about wanting to bury her there). My older children are 6 and 4. We talked to them about God not being ready for our baby to stay with us. He wanted her to be with Him in heaven. We talk still about how even though she is not here with us, she is a part of our family. My children also really wanted to see Jordan's body. We knew that would of been way to hard for them, so instead we have looked at pictures of what a baby would look like in the womb at her gestational age. My milk did come back in, but I am also nursing. Maybe it won't for you since you are not.


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## michaelsmama (May 20, 2003)

Lisa, I'm so sorry, mama. I feel your pain and I'm so sorry for you and your family. We hadn't told the kids about the pregnancy so we only told them that Mama was sick (as we moved back to the States from Honduras 12 days ago to complete the miscarriage), but I know that someday we'll tell them about the baby. The mama who mentioned showing her kids pictures of babies at similar ages seemed to have a good thought - we may do that when the time comes, and that may work for your family, too.

I hope you have a good support system you can rely on as you move through this day/week/month. Know that we're here too - i've found it reallyhelpful this last week to be able to write and write about my loss in many ways - and it's also given me a bit of peace to use my experience to support the other mamas here. You'll be in my prayers.


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## yummymummy2hannah (Aug 23, 2006)

I'm so sorry mama!







I lost my son at 16 weeks due to a placenta abruption too. I so understand not wanting to say "miscarriage". I do not use that term. I will say "born" "lost my son", "born severely premature", "early still birth", but never miscarriage. I'm not sure why I'm that way. It hurts worse I think.
Physically, I did have my milk come in about a week after Nathaniel was born.
It was similar to how it came in after my DD was born (live healthy birth), but not as much. I did use cabbage leaves and sage and it helped dry it up.
I also had bleeding for a couple weeks and cramps similar to contractions for days afterwards. I continued to pass large clots and large amounts of blood for a few days afterwards too.
As far as his body- we decided to cremate him. He is in his urn on our fireplace right now with his mementos. We did name him. He is Nathaniel Jack _____.
Emotionally,...that is hard to describe. I still cry for him. I still hurt for him. My heart is still empty, but I am living. I am able to smile now, to laugh, and to realize God held my hand through it all and did not do it "to me".
I have started grief counseling and I hope that helps.
Please let me know if you have any more specific questions. I'm here for you.


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## animallover (Nov 20, 2007)

I'm sorry for your loss. We lost our third little boy at 17 weeks. We named him Gabriel Francis and had him cremated. He is in a little wooden box with us at home. Some of his belongings and such are in an angel box we picked up. My 2 older boys saw and held their baby brother, they were 8 and 11 at the time. They have also held onto some of Gabes stuff, a sleeper and such and have them in their dressers. We also bought them rings to help them remember their brother. My youngest son was very upset, so we bought the book, "We were going to have a baby but had an angel instead". We did things like drawings, t-shirts etc. My oldest boy drew a picture of an angel and that picture is framed on our wall, my younger one wore a t-shirt stating he was a big brother to an angel. These things helped our boys. Lots of beer helped me and my hubby. We did have a healthy baby girl at the end of May and my mother in-law is buying me a ring with all "4" of my babies birth stones for x-mas. This life event is one that no one gets over but learns to live with and never forgets. I think too, maybe it might be okay for your kids to see their baby brother. Just my 2 cents. Also, Oct. 15 is wave of light. It is to remember our lost little ones, you can always light a candle at 7p.m., you will be joining many other families remembering their babies.


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

I've lost two little ones in the second trimester. I lost my dd, Mason at 20 weeks in Feb 2007. I delivered her in the hosptial. I lost my other LO Avery at 17 weeks in Dec. 2007. I delivered him at home but had to be transferred to the hosptial when my placenta wouldn't deliver.

My milk came after both of them, but I was still nursing my toddler at the time ( well, still am!) and she was happy to have the milk back! It was very comforting...for both of us.

To be honest....it's still hard for me. I think of them both every day. I have their ashes in my bedroom and I talk to them often. And I'm a totally different person because I lost them. The old me is still in here, but I'm different. Not bad different, just different. Of course, some days are better than others...but I manage. My due dates have both come and gone....and I'm coming up on my year loss with Avery.

We haven't ttc since we lost our last baby. It's just too painful to think how we will all manage if we lose another child. ALl of the testing came back normal, but we can't ignore TWO stillbirths. I have two living children...perfectly healthy and smart. So it's a crapshoot really. It's hard. But it gets easier every day too. The first months were so....raw. I feel less raw now. I'm able to love and enjoy my kids and that's good. My dh and I sometimes struggle as the result of the losses, but we're good.

Hugs to you....this is an awful place to be.


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## MommyinMN (Oct 18, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss.

We lost our son at almost 17 weeks June 2, 2008, most likely due to a cord accident. We did name him, but for the most part have chosen to keep that name private. I also hate saying that I had a m/c and usually just say we had a second trimester loss. I had a d&e so my experience is different than yours.

My milk did come in. I was engorged for about 3 days. I wrapped myself in an ace bandage and then put on a tight sports bra. Emotionally that was tough, but it wasn't to painful. We chose to have him buried in a group burial through our hospital. We are catholic and he was buried in a catholic cemetary. We went to a memorial serive for him and other babies lost during the summer months in late September. Our 4 year old dd handeled everything pretty well. Every once in awhile she will ask a question like why did our baby die. I try to answer as best I can but I don't really have any answers for her.
Emotionally I had a tought time. It took me a good 6 weeks to get to a point I didn't feel like crying at some point every day. It has been 4 months and I still think of him but I don't feel the tears building as often. I expect next month will be tough as that is the month I was due. It does get better with time, but everyone grieves differently and some people need longer to grieve.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

It looks like it really varies.

I delivered at 22 weeks approx. My milk never came in thankfully, today I think it was really a survival mechanism.

She was a little girl, and we named her Peyton. We had her cremated and while we didn't have a service, we did have my and dh's parents and siblings to the burial.

I had really horrid afterpains and cramping/contracting for days. However that turned out to be retained placenta and a fist sized blood clot.

On the seventeenth of this month it'll be seven years, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Emotionally, I'll admit - I was shot. I started self injuring and was close to a complete breakdown. I'm not sure why some people do better than others; I think perhaps I didn't have good coping mechanisms - because I did have a wonderful support system.

Today I am doing fantastic.

Much love and light to you.


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