# Mom yelling at four month old



## AnnaLaughs (Jul 10, 2003)

I was in line at Barnes and Noble and heard a woman behind me saying "no" very loudly. I then hear things like "I know you don't want to be here but I'm the mom and I do". I casually turn around to look and the woman is holding an infant!!







He was a bit fussy...the way DD sounds if she's getting hungry...and was rooting aand grabbing her hair. This is what warrented the loud "No"s. She kept telling him to "stop it". I was floored to say the least. A man in line kept trying to engage her in conversation and that is when I heard her say the baby was 4 mo. What can any 4 mo do to be talked to that way?! I felt horrible for this child....I feel like he will probably be treated like this forever.
I'm really just venting here....just stunned by this kind of behavior.


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## granolamom (Sep 30, 2002)

Peace and light to that poor baby AND THAT POOR MOM......


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## MomOfHeathens (Apr 24, 2003)

Wow, yelling at a 4 month old? I can't even imagine doing that to my 7 month old much less even younger than that. Like that baby is going to have a clue what she's even saying!


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## 1jooj (Apr 8, 2002)

Unfortunately, the baby might have a clue. That's the really sad part...sounds like a Mama in need of support or a break, or some kind of help from loving friend or family. "Thank you" to the man who tried to engage her and take her mind off things a little.

My ds is much older...I found my patience getting short yesterday, so I left him with dh and spent an hour at the library BY MYSELF. Ahhhh...


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Go easy on the mom. she sounds really frustrated and desperate to get out of the house. I can understand that. That doesn't make it a good thing but Ican understand how much oit sucks to be stuck in the house day after day, finally get out and then the baby is cranky and squirmy and being generally hard to live with.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Okay I get being frustrated, frowning, looking/acting impatient and irritable.

But "I know you don't want to be here but I am the mom and I do".

Sorry that sounds b*tchy. That does not sound like her sanity is in question and she just needs a break.

That is just a mean rotten thing to say to a person with no teeth, or ability to communicate, or control his own body.

Geez


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I guess it depends on how she said it. I guess I sorta thought of it in a pleading way. like come on, can't you just deal, I really need to get out of the house today. Because that is exactly how I feel some days. Like I don'tr care twhat they want to do. I want to do X and we are going to do it or die trying. Not the best attitude to have by any means but I can certainly understand how a person gets there.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Okay that's kinda funny, because I heard it as self righteous indignation, as in 'I can't believe you would think of needing me when it clearly so inconvenient right now."

But then I just read 'The Nanny Diaries' and all I can hear is Mrs. X in my ears...


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

FWIW lilyka I am with you, ds is 7, and I talk like that when I am really at wits end.

But would have said it out alone with a new baby in your arms? I mean I can't picture you doing that. I think the age of her child is really relevent in gauging whether she is worn out and genuinely trying to communicate it, or just a flat out narcissist...

(ha, see, still thinking of Mrs. X )


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

Haaa! The Xses. I just read that book last week...








Anyway, back to the topic.... maybe the woman was trying to look like a good, strong mom in the bookstore? I know that when you're a new parent and already feeling totally insecure in public with your child, you are really kind of only thinking what people around you are thinking, kwim? For some moms, but not always. Or she was just being a b*tch. But I try to give people the benefit of the doubt; otherwise I'd have to face the fact that most people in the world are.... well.... buttholes


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by candiland_
*. But I try to give people the benefit of the doubt; otherwise I'd have to face the fact that most people in the world are.... well.... buttholes







*
and there we have it. i think I can genuinely feel sympathy and find understanding for anyone. mostly because I catch myself having not so shining moments in public ll the time and hope that people will feel sympathy instead of hatred for me.


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## AnnaLaughs (Jul 10, 2003)

OK, I've got to pipe in here again....I understand what some of you are saying. I really do. Today DD was a handful and the stress is overwhelming sometimes..........BUT.........no one should be talked to the way I heard this woman speak to that baby. Period. No adult would let you talk to them that way. It sounded to me like she talked to him that way BECAUSE he was a baby.....he didn't know to shut up in line...he didn't know it was her turn.....Well, sorry lady but he's a baby.....cut him some slack!!
It is too easy to make excuses for her. I understand FEELING stressed or impatient but not ACTING on it. And not reprimanding an infant for nothing more than being an infant.
Sorry...but if you had heard her...she just sounded mean...it's like she was following some outdated parenting manual for how not to spoil a child....God forbid you give 'em an inch







:


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## DebraBaker (Jan 9, 2002)

Yeah, If I didn't know better I'd say she's an Ezzoite mother with a baby in an "uncooperative stance" but I *know* Ezzoites and they're supposed to have a plastic cheesey smile while they ignore their baby's needs.

DB


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

Yes, I assure you I've had many-a-stressful-o-outings with my dds who are now 2 1/2 yrs and 4 yrs. But no matter how darn stressful it gets I never talk rudely, unlovingly or disrespectfully to them.

That's so sad to hear this woman was speaking like that to her little baby!









I hate it when I see parents in public speaking rudely towards their children (of any age). It makes me feel as uncomfortable as if it were a husband and wife bickering in public.


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## nataliekat (Dec 3, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by AnnaLaughs_
*no one should be talked to the way I heard this woman speak to that baby. Period.*
No, they shouldn't. But it happens. We all SOMETIMES say things we shouldn't to our kids. If it wasn't a momentary lapse and she really talks to her baby like that all the time then I feel sorry for her and her baby. She doesn't know another way to do it.

Quote:

*It is too easy to make excuses for her. I understand FEELING stressed or impatient but not ACTING on it.*
What's easy is criticizing. It's harder to sympathize. And if you can't understand ever acting on feelings of stress or impatience then you're a better mama than I and most of us here.


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## AnnaLaughs (Jul 10, 2003)

Ok...I don't want this to go in the direction it seems to be headed. I DO understand stress....who doesn't....but at what point do you stop calling it a "momentary lapse" and see the real damage being done? I am not trying to judge her...I would love to think she just had a bad day....but all I know is that it hurt to listen to. Please don't take it so personally. This is the "Gentle Discipline" forum...I saw an episode of harsh (whether momentary or not) treatment and brought it here. I wanted to see if I was alone in my amazement of what I heard. I have never once said she was a bad mom or any similar comment....but I'll tell you what....IF that is her normal way of speaking to him then I will say that. Just for the record...she didn't seem outwardly stressed....she was talking to her friend and the man trying to distract her in a normal manner..all the while loudly telling baby "NO" and Stop it" when he would fuss.
I am being sympathetic.....to that poor baby.


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

i knew exactly what you meant and relate to your frustration and sorrow for what you witnessed. i've had similar sad feelings on things i've observed out in public. it really sticks with you and you just want to be able to vent with fellow loving moms. i certainly read NO ill intentions in your post.


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## mami2f3 (Jan 8, 2003)

confession: i do talk to my little ones like that in extreme moments at home. i like what someone said about how we wouldn't talk to another adult that way. i know it's true. i can't control the anger i feel bubble over sometimes. how do you all do it?
everyone here seems so perfect sometimes--the bad things you confess seem so minor. people seem so surprised or outraged by others' actions.
how can i be more like y'all?


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## AnnaLaughs (Jul 10, 2003)

Please don't take my concern over what I witnessed as any thing other than what it was. I certainly don't feel perfect and I doubt anyone here does either. You recognize a behavior in yourself that you want to change so in my book you are half way there. I think it is brave to post a confession like that. My DD is only 7 mo and she is my one and only....for some reason that makes me feel like I don't have the same stress level others do. Don't get me wrong...I don't think it is ever ok to treat a child badly but if the situation was different....maybe if I had more than one....if I had the stress of working away from home...or whatever I wouldn't have been as shocked. Who know's .....I hope that's not the case. All I know is that I heard that woman and hugged DD a little tighter and vowed to myself never to speak to her that way. Please don't beat yourself up....I'm sure you are doing just fine.


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## mami2f3 (Jan 8, 2003)

annalaughs,
thanks for responding the way you did. it is so hard to raise kids and I like this site a lot but find it hard to live up to. even when my babies were tiny (maybe moreso then) when i was completely lacking sleep i would yell and say things that in a more sane moment seem horrible (like "why can't you f-ing go to sleep??!!). i wouldn't want anyone yelling at me like that. i know it's wrong, but it's like you go nuts for a minute. i know this is really wrong, but i think i do it more the less they understand--like i can't see doing it to my 2yo now. actually i cant see doing it at all now--my baby is an angel now. but like i said there are these moments.

anyway, i've lurked here for a while and read lots of vents like yours and it always makes me uncomfortable because i feel judged. as if someone had caught me in that moment. i want to not have those moments but i'm not sure how to prevent them. i guess that's why i keep lurking here. i keep looking for help or solutions.

raising kids is harder than i ever imagined. they can be such angels but there can also be some really trying times.

sorry for the vent!
erika


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## Mamma Riddle (Jun 11, 2002)

You know, there are a lot of mammas out there who don't know any better...
I know that sounds like a cop-out, but really, we are not the "norm" for parenting... many women were raised with mums who treated them that way - and taught them to behave the same to their children!
Perhaps if we all steped out a bit and lovingly educated others...

"gosh, I know how tough it is with a little one... never getting out of the house... can I help you? He really doesn't understand that you need a break... he just loves you and probably just wants to eat/snuggle/sleep/play... do you have a sling???"


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