# Can You Believe This? 6-week follow-up with OB



## Jenabella (Jan 8, 2007)

I just got back from my 6-week follow-up with my previous OB. I left there being so glad that I had opted to change to a new doctor. I saw my new doctor on Monday who is also a high-risk doctor. Let me just say that this visit today could have been a chapter out of the book "How to RE-Traumatize your Patient".
Sitting in the waiting room, there were tons of pregnant women all around me. This was the first time that I was not as upset as before so I thought that I was going to make it through the appointment without breaking down.
The nurse comes to get me and takes me back down the same hall where I found out my little girl was gone. Sitting in the examining room, she then proceeds to ask me "So, Are you still breastfeeding or are you bottle feeding now?" I looked at her like I have looked at every other person that has completely put their foot in their mouths over the last month and said "Neither. I lost the baby." She then acted like she did not hear me and said "What?" and I reiterated again that I had lost the baby at 7 months pregnant. The nurse then says with a bewildered look "Then, why are you here?"
At this point, I could feel the tears and discomfort start to build up inside me. I did not know what to say. I then said "Well, I was told to schedule a 6 week visit after the delivery and I did." Then, with a surprised look she said "You delivered the baby????????" Well, that did it. The tears started flowing. I cannot believe I was having to explain myself like this. She then said "I guess I should have read your file before coming to get you in the waiting room". In the midst of my tears, I said "yeah that would have been a good idea". In that moment, she had made me feel like I was the only one in the world that had gone through this. I was some kind of disease or alien. I felt so small and defective.
Meanwhile, my OB is walking down the hall and right outside my room (my door is half open) she is chatting with a pregnant woman about to deliver and talking about how great it will be&#8230;. Did she not realize I was right there? She comes in and does a quick exam and that was it. She was about to leave and I said "Um. Shouldn't I schedule another appointment?" She said "Not now. When you get pregnant again." OH MY GOODNESS. Was I in the twilight zone here? Wouldn't you want to meet with your patient who has just gone through a stillbirth at least one time before she gets pregnant again to talk about the next pregnancy????
At that point, I just left and was so happy that I had already met with a new doctor who took this seriously. I am getting my records and that will be the last of the last. As someone who works in the mental health field, I am completely baffled at the lack of knowledge and empathy for women who have experienced loss. AAGH! Anyways, if any of you have had previous experiences like this or are currently being treated by uncaring individuals, know that there are other options out there. You should be able to feel listened to and cared for by all doctors/nurses involved&#8230;There are really good doctors out there, but it may just take some time find them.
Jenabella


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## anubis (Oct 6, 2006)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you found a new doctor.


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

I am so sorry that you had such a terrible experience and I am angry for you, too. There is no excuse for the nurses behavior. The first wrong question, okay, foot in the mouth, but for her to continue the stupidity? You are right, there is way better care out there...my dr. does a 6w pp visit and a 3m pp visit for Moms who have lost babies. At my 3 month visit, it was pretty much a mental health check, which I really appreciated, plus a have you thought about if you want to get pg again type of visit. Again, I am so sorry!


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## jak (Jan 19, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss and that you had such a terrible experience at your ex-ob's office. You would think that people who work in medicine would at least know not to say anything if they don't know what is going on. I had a somewhat similar experience before delivering my stillborn baby at 22 weeks. I was getting an epidural and the anesthesiologist was saying to me, "They do amazing things with preemies these days." There were two other anesthesiologists there at the same time -- Goodness knows why -- that were laughing and joking around in the room! I wanted to scream, "Shut up! Just shut up!" but I was so focussed on what was before me to do, that I just let it go.


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## roslyn (Aug 23, 2006)

Wow, I can't even imagine such a thing. My doctor was so caring, he made sure I wasn't even in the same room where I found out. I didn't even remember, but he told the nurse to put me in a different room. That's the second time he's done that.

I read an article in last month's Self magazine that was absolutely incredbile. The woman's doctor sent her to an ultrasound tech even though he knew her baby was gone. Then had the nurse give her instructions. He wouldn't even talk to her. These people are so incredibly callous.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Oh wow...I'm so sorry.


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## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

God, that is aweful.







Luckily when I went in for my 6 week after Quinn was born, everybody seemed to be clued in on what had happened. I'm glad you will be seeing a different doc next time.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

How painful for you.







I'm so sorry that the nurse and the OB were so insensitive towards you and your baby. Gentle (((HUGS))).


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Jenabella, I'm so sorry that you were treated so callously. That is incomprehensible, how people working in this field can be so unaware and uncaring.

I hope the nurse learned a lesson from her encounter with you, so she won't treat anyone that way again. Perhaps you have spared the next woman this treatment....

You are not alone, an alien, a disease, small, or defective. I am sorry they made you feel that way, because it just is not true.

You are part of a community, women with a common experience, you didn't do anything wrong, and you have an extraordinarily strong soul to endure what you have.

I'm so glad you already have a new doctor.










Keri


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Oh boy, I have tears of anger and sadness in my eyes after reading how you were treated. I'm so glad you've found a better dr. Lots of hugs for you


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## Jenabella (Jan 8, 2007)

Hi Everyone,
Thank you for your replies. I feel comforted by your words and definitely do not feel alone anymore. I hope others who have had negative experiences with doctors will not stop looking for a better treatment team. We all deserve to feel that we can trust the people who are supposed to help us bring our babies into this world. I hope everyone is having an okay day today. I have been somewhat sad today as I was supposed to have my first lamaze class today. I keep catching myself thinking about how it would be. I also got new furniture today..we ordered it the day before we found out about Annabelle. I remember picking out the perfect kitchen table that would allow her highchair to fit good...oh how sad to know that she will never sit there. I keep looking at the table...what a small thing, but so large of a gap in my heart....
hugs,
jenabella


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

That just... oh I I would be so.... LIVID!!!








I am so sorry you had to endure that.


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## adamsfam07 (Sep 9, 2006)

I'm so very sorry for your experience. I had a horrible experience myself when I lost my little one, I had found out a week earlier that I was 8 wks along and so excited but then one morning I woke up and was bleeding. I called my dr. (this was a Sunday) so she wasn't in but they would have an on call get back to me when he could. I just sat there by the phone waiting for it to ring, at the time I was so numb and couldn't think, I knew there would be nothing that they could do but I needed to hear that from the comforting Dr. Anyway, he called me back almost an hour later! And basically told me to just go lay down that what was done was done. The next day I had to go and get my Rogan shot (which by the way I didn't know I could refuse, but that's another post







: ) and the nurse asked me how I was feeling, when I was due and if I was going to find out the sex, just idle conversation. I couldn't believe it, why don't these people read the charts? I couldn't stop crying, that people could be so careless and unfeeling to others. Needless to say I didn't go back to that Dr. again. Whew, I guess I've had that bottled up for awhile,







Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss and your experience. Hugs and prayers to you.


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## varaonaid (Jul 20, 2006)

I can't believe what you've gone through! I'm am so very sorry. Medical care just shouldn't be like this. I really hurt for your situation. Know that you're not alone, for whatever support we can provide, we're here.

Huge


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## Careyayn22 (Sep 20, 2006)

My OB was fine...nurses were kind...but I did have someone call from the endocrinologist (I had GD) and ream me out because I missed an appointment (um ,it was like 4 days after I delivered AND I had transfered all my care to another hospital...one where I was on BEDREST in another part of the state!!!!!) I tried to explain my loss, and all she said was, "is doesn't matter...we still need to see you."

I told her I didn't need this crap right now (as I was crying) and hung up on her. I will not be going back there again!


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## Gray's Mommy (Jul 8, 2005)

OUCH!! That was a horrible way to have an appointment. I am glad that you are changing care providers. You may even want to write the OB a letter stating your disapproval of how they *handled* your care.








to you momma! I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby.


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## Warda_Rose (Mar 1, 2006)

to all of you.


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## blaqpearl (Nov 16, 2006)

Wow...I am so pissed after reading this. My heart goes out to you..it really does. You are definitely not alone in this.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Oh my! My midwives were so much better than that. I'm so sorry for the trauma you suffered at the hands of these icky folks. I would send the Ob a letter about your visit. They have a lot of work to do on this topic and you may help some future patient of theirs by speaking up.


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