# Puzzled by ds' extreme obsession with sweets (long)



## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I have been having a real problem with my ds and his obsession with sweets and candy and how to handle it as a parent. I hope that in my explanation below no one thinks I am being self-righteous about what we do/don't buy, etc., because that is not my intention--I just want to lay out a good picture of how our family does things so maybe someone can see what I am missing or what I should do. I have analyzed this since he was a little toddler and it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse so I don't know where I am going wrong.

For starters, most people IRL (friends/family) view us as extreme healthy eaters, although I personally don't feel that way. I think we are very middle-of-the-road. I buy a lot of whole foods, cook 3 meals a day for the family, and don't utilize many processed foods and snacks. If I do use something processed, it would be something real average like a box of mac and cheese from Trader Joe's, uncured hot dogs, a bag of pretzels, etc. I don't buy anything with trans fat or HFCS, or a lot of artificial ingredients, flavors, or colors. The kids drink water and maybe a glass of OJ with breakfast a couple times a week.

Alright, so basically the point here is that we do eat very average foods with me working to make it fit within our family's guidelines. So while I'll make a PB&J with no problems, I would likely use natural PB with sliced strawberries on whole grain bread. Or mix their vanilla yogurt half and half with unsweetened yogurt. Or serve frozen fruit bars instead of freeze pops. Etc.

All that said, when we go somewhere I have never restricted the kids from participating in activities with other children. At parties, festivals, and friends' houses they are free to join in pinatas, cupcakes, sprinkles, popsicles, whatever. They go Trick or Treating and pick a small amount of candy to keep and turn the rest in for a new toy. They have eaten at McDonald's and Chuck E Cheese and all of that.

Now here is the problem. I think we are really moderate in life and I think I have a healthy attitude toward sweets and treats. But my ds has had this lifelong extreme obsession with candy and desserts and it keeps getting worse and worse. He talks about candy nonstop. And when he talks about it he goes on and on and on and on. Out at the stores, the markets, everywhere we go, he races to the candy and begs for it and clutches it like he's never had any before. He is obsessed with chocolate and would get sick on it if given the opportunity. He devours desserts and wants more, more, more. Every single day he brings up candy and talks about it so much that recently I have had to put a stop to it by being firm and saying basically "Hey, this is enough. We are done talking about candy, we are not having any candy, we don't have any candy in the house and I don't want to hear about it any more." I don't like having to shut him down like that but I don't know what to do anymore and where this is coming from. I can't handle it and I don't know what else to do. We have lots of experience with other similarly aged kids and none of them act this way toward sweets. And I think it kind of makes me look like a fool to the other parents as well. Like I said before, everyone views us as these super healthy eaters, but here I have a kid who is ravenous toward sugar and processed sweets, waaaaaay more so than any of their children! Plus, he has a 1.5 year old sister who idolizes him and all his daily ranting about candy candy candy has her chanting for it already too, and at such a young age!

In fact, as I sit here ds is sitting with me. I am also making a grocery list and he is in a heap begging me to put chocolate milk on the list. He is going on and on to the point of pushing my hands out of the way in an attempt to put it on the list himself, even though he can't spell or read. And frantically whispering "chocolate...chocolate...chocolate" to himself over and over.

HELP!! Is it possible to have an uncontrollable, inborn desire for sugar? What is happening here and what can I do?!


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## hhurd (Oct 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
HELP!! Is it possible to have an uncontrollable, inborn desire for sugar? What is happening here and what can I do?!

I don't have much advice, but wanted you to know that I could have written your post, for the most part. I think my 7yo son may have what his OT calls "low arousal" and uses sugar to give himself more energy. We push the protein snacks (boiled eggs, nuts, cheese) and that takes the edge off sometimes. Regular small meals of healthy food is a must for him. We've tried to let him self-regulate (like with Halloween or Valentine's candy),but that's failed...miserably. He'll eat every last peice in one sitting, for example. He also obsesses, as you've described. It's an onging process to teach him how to manage his desire. I should add that going cold turkey wouldn't work for my family (we like the occasional ice cream cone, for example), but I've toyed with the idea more than once!


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

Maybe candida? Maybe just the thrill of that sugary rush? We eat lots of homemade, unprocessed sweet stuff here but ds1 would gobble up anything processed he finds on the playground. He acts as if he has never tried it before. Have you heard of raw cacao, btw? Chocolate in it's raw form, comes in powder, nibs, and butter. We make lots of chocolate nut milk with it and it's yummy and healthy. That could be an option and maybe he would feel happy with that?







Mary


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

Did you breastfeed?

Have you tasted breastmilk? It's very sweet, much sweeter than cow's milk or formula. It's not surprising that kids have a sweet tooth. Some kids grow out of it earlier than others.

Have you tried letting him "OD" on candy a couple times? I used to CRAVE candy all the time. Until I got my license at 16 and drove to the store and bought like $50 worth of candy one weekend when my parents were away. I watched movies and gorged on candy. It took alot more than I ever expected until I started to feel sick. The rest of the candy I'd bought lasted me the better part of 6 months of slowly having a treat once in a while.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

I tend to work on the idea that an intense craving for a food means that our bodies are telling us something - either that something's missing or something's wrong. I know that I crave sweets when my energy level is low, usually because I'm not getting enough sleep or I'm getting too many convenience foods. DC both ramp up on calcium before they hit growth spurts. So, I'd look for something that may be triggering his need for sweets as it may be something you can adjust.


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## LiLStar (Jul 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maryeb* 
Have you heard of raw cacao, btw? Chocolate in it's raw form, comes in powder, nibs, and butter. We make lots of chocolate nut milk with it and it's yummy and healthy.









: how do you make that? I want some!!

I was kinda like that as a child. Except I don't think I talked about it constantly. I definitely had no self regulation. If I went to any kind of social gathering where there would be lots of cookies and sweets.. i'd gorge myself (often until I puked, or felt like I was going to) AND hid some in a napkin to take home for later! I'm not much better now, except for acquiring the self control that comes with becoming a grown up


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## JustKiya (Feb 5, 2007)

Could he be pre-diabetic, and craves sugar as a way to get his body to produce more insulin for his system? I'm not sure how juvinile diabetes works, but I know that a lot of sugar being dumped into your blood causes an insulin spike as your body attempts to compensate for it..... and maybe his production of insulin is ramping down?


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

I don't know if this would work, but I've heard of people doing this. It's along the line of self-regulation. It would only work if he wants the candy because it's taboo or he's feeling like he's missing out. Obviously, not the thing to try if you think some of the other posters are on the mark with the idea that he has some nutritional needs not being met. Also, I didn't see any mention of age, so that might make a difference too.

Buy a bunch of the stuff he likes (candy or chocolate, whatever) and fill a bag/bowl/cabinet with it. Give him free access. Try not to grit your teeth when he devours it all. Keep it filled it. Try it for a week or two and see if he doesn't start slowing down a bit.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noobmom* 
I don't know if this would work, but I've heard of people doing this. It's along the line of self-regulation. It would only work if he wants the candy because it's taboo or he's feeling like he's missing out. Obviously, not the thing to try if you think some of the other posters are on the mark with the idea that he has some nutritional needs not being met. Also, I didn't see any mention of age, so that might make a difference too.

Buy a bunch of the stuff he likes (candy or chocolate, whatever) and fill a bag/bowl/cabinet with it. Give him free access. Try not to grit your teeth when he devours it all. Keep it filled it. Try it for a week or two and see if he doesn't start slowing down a bit.

I didn't want to be the first person to suggest this, LOL, but that was my initial thought as well. Barring any kind of health issue of course. It sounds like the child is not actually eating that much candy, just that he is pre-occupied with wanting it. In our house cultivating an attitude of "abundance" has gone a long way toward un-doing a lot of the food issues my partner and I brought into the relationship (anorexia runs very heavily on my side of the family and DH was raised in poverty and went hungry a lot as a child.) It sounds counter-intuitive, and it probably won't be a very popular practice here at MDC, but it might be worth a try.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

Or what about getting him to work with you to decide how much candy's reasonable to consume in a day/week. And then giving him that much and when it's gone it's gone. I'd start with a days amount and let him adjust to rationing it over that time period. Then move to a weeks amount.


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## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

Do you guys see any kind of holistic practitioner, like maybe a naturapathic doctor? I would guess that there is some underlying cause, since you are moderate and haven't made candy a forbidden fruit. Probably he needs his blood sugar controlled through diet. I don't know a lot about it but one tip is to make sure that you get fat with any sugar. So ice cream would be a better bet than jello, for instance. Also, make sure he eats every 2 hours.

For what it's worth, I'm not of the camp that thinks free access to candy is a good idea. Some kids may learn to self regulate that way but not if there is an underlying cause for his cravings. Good luck.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Hmmm. Well, in the past the kids I've seen who were really obsessed with candy all came from homes where it was very restricted in the home- either not at all or maybe a small amount once a week. I remember a friend of one boy I was nanny for, I had to watch like a hawk, because he would sneak into the freezer for ice cream when he was visiting.

So maybe if you made these treats "normal" it might help? Not for snacks, maybe, but for dessert after his supper, for instance. So it's part of the meal and doesn't become somehow emotionally laden - normal in moderation?

Or, perhaps you could start giving him an allowance of some kind - to spend on whatever he wants. It would give him some control over what he could have.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

I'm curious about this for a different reason. I've had an obsession with desserts my entire life. Even now, as an adult who has banned all fast food for over 4 years, soda ban for over 5 years, artificial sweetener ban for 3+ years (dd who is almost 4 has never had any of the above mentioned), eats whole grain and whole wheat, brown rice, no meat, and lots of veggies and fruit, I still cannot shake my compulsive eating of desserts. Cookies, cakes, brownies, tarts, maple bars, ice cream, apple crisp, pie, cheesecake..... doesn't matter what kind of dessert... so long as it fits in the category. I totally ODed on candy some time in my teens and can't tolerate much as an adult therefor no longer crave it and rarely consume it but my dessert obsession is still out of control. I've also struggled with both, over eating and dare I say, anorexia (I've never said it out loud but, know it's true) and desserts nearly always seem to be at the forfront of those movements. I am hypoglycemic (sp?) so I suppose sugar craving could have something to do with that but, I don't totally buy that explaination because I crave them reguardless of my sugar levels.

I always figured it was just personal taste but, who knows, maybe there is more to it. I was rasied being allowed to have candy, sweets, and soda on a regular basis so I do differ greatly from your ds there. I never learned to self regulate however. I was highly active my entire adolesence and wasn't a couch potato by any stretch of the word. Times in adulthood when I've stuck to a diet (to loose weight) I've been able to limit myself but, as soon as I'm not dieting I tend to binge on desserts and sweets. I have to try VERY, VERY hard not to eat sweets to the point of feeling like I will throw up. Sad to say, I have such great control over other things (no fast food, soda, or meat, and I've never had alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes and never will) and I'm embarrassed as a fully functioning, intelligent adult to admit that. Either way, I'm interested to hear the responses you get here.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

This was me as a child. Sneaking off to magic market at age 8. The feelings from that sugar - the high - man, that was good. Unfortunately, the crash afterwards and the horrid lows were equally awful. I never got a diagnosis, but I know now I have hypoglycemia.

I do best with smaller meals, and not going more than 3-4 hours without a light snack. And the snack should be healthy - no processed sugars. If I don't eat for a long time, then my sugar level goes way too low and I literally can not function. I zone out and can't think normally until I have food. If I go for several hours without food and then eat junk, it is even worse. Because I get this great feeling, this floaty high, but then I crash, real hard, so hard I can end up crying and irrational.

As an adult, I have learned that yes, I can have that yummy chocolate and sweets - but I MUST balance it with a "stabilizing" food, and I must not eat it after a long time without food. I can have a cupcake, for example, if I also have it with a large glass of milk and only after I recently ate a healthy dinner. Eating the cupcake alone, or first thing after not having eaten in several hours, will put me on the roller coaster ride. Nice highs, awful lows. I have learned it is better to miss out on the highs and avoid the crash as well. Google hypoglycemia.

My son is the same. He is a zombie when he gets up the the morning, after having had no food for the last 8-10 hours. I give him some OJ and breakfast and you can almost see his head clear and he joins the world. I let him have sweets, but again, only if it is with more stabilizing foods.


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## hhurd (Oct 7, 2002)

Bluegoat said:


> Hmmm. Well, in the past the kids I've seen who were really obsessed with candy all came from homes where it was very restricted in the home- either not at all or maybe a small amount once a week. ...So maybe if you made these treats "normal" it might help? Not for snacks, maybe, but for dessert after his supper, for instance. So it's part of the meal and doesn't become somehow emotionally laden - normal in moderation?QUOTE]
> 
> This was my plan for my ds, but it never worked out the way I hoped. He became more obsessed, if possible.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
If I don't eat for a long time, then my sugar level goes way too low and I literally can not function. I zone out and can't think normally until I have food. If I go for several hours without food and then eat junk, it is even worse. Because I get this great feeling, this floaty high, but then I crash, real hard, so hard I can end up crying and irrational.

thats me minus the crying. instead i go through a list of stages. First a bit cranky and irratable, then lightheaded, then shakey, then flighty, bouncey, and giddy, then dizzy, then I go totally emotionless and turn into a walking zombie.... then I get into the really bad territtory where I start to loose balance and muscle tone and eventually I'll pass out if I don't get some carbs in. I used to think having sugar was the thing to do. NOT SO! The sugar burns off in a heartbeat when I've gone that far and actually just revs me up really high only to have a total crash minutes later. Not good. It was really tough to control when pregnant.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Craving sugar can mean that you need certain nutrients.

http://www.2ndwindbodyscience.com/wh...our%20food.php has a list.


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

I just wanted to point out that for some people, sugar is an addictive substance, and your DS' obsession with it certainly seems to point in that direction. Barring a medical condition like diabetes, that would be the next thing I would look into. How much natural sugars does he consume in a day? How much refined grains? If you cut out all the refined grains and sugars for 2 weeks, would you see a decrease in the obsession (that's how long it takes to detox from it)?

I know when I detox from sugar, the cravings go away. But occasional consumption doesn't really work for me.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

My ds was really into candy when he was 4. He became very aware of what all those brightly colored packages were by the check out. I did the no limits thing. Let him buy huge bags of candy or eat ice cream for breakfast (I'd steer him towards things without trans fats). He did get tired of it but it took a while because there is so much variety. He is more likely to want sweets when he is tired. Now that he is older, he doesn't get tired as frequently which helps.

I never really had a problem with him not eating other foods that he liked because he ate sweets first, if I handled it right. He'd ask for sweets because he realized he was beyond hungry and was feeling desperate. I'd give him what he asked for to eat while I made him other foods. Then he'd be receptive to eating the next food because he wasn't _too_ hungry.

With Halloween, I noticed that he mostly just unwrapped everything and tasted most things. He didn't actually consume it all. Bowls of partially sucked lollipops would sit around collecting dust.









I feel like having access to candy made him not obsess or horde it. Now, he'll easily pass it over if he isn't too tired, too hungry, or bored. He'll ignore bowls of it at parties, for instance. I'll see other kids standing near the sweets the entire time just trying to eat as much as possible before their parents shoo them away.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

You're family eating habits sound a lot like mine. We are not extreme ( I personally have a horrible sweet tooth), but we don't keep sweets in the house and we've worked pretty hard to limit DD's exposure to sugar, but like you we don't take away her fun when at playdate or parties, etc - this is very rare though. The weirdest thing happened recently when DH was out of town for a week. DD (who is only 28 months) asked for candy...totally out of the blue - i can't even recall the last time she had any. And then she wouldn't let it go. It's been weeks now and she constantly talks about how much she loves candy. To the point that DH and I have decided to avoid Halloween activities (we're really not that into it anyway - doesn't seem like anyhting good would come of it). I have no idea where this could have come from...and I hope it doesn't last for years...


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Wow, lots of food for thought from all ends of the spectrum. I wanted to answer a couple questions and while I haven't had a chance to study each response in depth, a few comments off the top of my head just from skimming the thread.

Yes, ds was breastfed from birth to about 2.5. He will be 4 in November. We do not see any kind of holistic practitioner at all, just an allopath for yearly checkups.

Self-regulation. I have heard of it and read about it but I have very mixed feelings on the topic. First, I understand and have read that severe restriction of goodies can lead to gorging and obsession. Along those same lines, I feel like severe restriction would be us not allowing him to partake during special holidays/parties, not allowing him to Trick or Treat, having it in the home but severely limiting his access to it or making it highly desirable by forcing him to clean his plate and use it as a reward. I feel like we allow and model a VERY reasonable level of candy and sweets by giving him the freedom to accept goodies when offered without restriction at parties and from loved ones (grandparents, etc.)

But at the same time let me be totally clear that we are talking about straight up candy here. Not muffins baked with chocolate chips, or oatmeal raisin cookies. We are talking Snickers Bars, Reeses, Rolos, Three Musketeers. CANDY. Is it normal for kids to be allowed to eat candy on a normal day? Maybe the problem here is with me--I don't eat candy. I don't like it, I don't buy it, I don't eat it, I never have. I did not have candy in the home growing up. Determining how much candy is reasonable to eat in one day seems super strange to me, because IMO *no* amount of candy is reasonable to eat in a day. Do other families really dole out candy every day/every week?

That said it's not like we are total strangers to dessert. We have a carton of ice cream in the freezer right now, for example, and last night we all enjoyed a scoop after dinner. I bake a lot with the kids and we make cookies maybe once or twice a month.

Natural sugars per day, I would say the bulk is from fruit & dairy. He doesn't drink milk and we don't always have yogurt so an average day of dairy/fruit might include a 1/2 cup of berries and a scoop of fresh unsweetened whipped cream with breakfast, a scoop of cottage cheese for snack and a sliced apple with lunch. Refined grains are not in our daily diet; we only buy whole grain bread, pasta and rice. I do use white flour bread for french toast & pancakes and 50/50 for baking, but those are are consumed maybe once or twice a week rather than daily.

Oh and when it comes to self-regulation one thing that does come to my head is addiction. If it's truly an addictive problem, I feel like putting a big ol' bowl of M&Ms on the table and letting him go nuts would be like giving an alcoholic keys to the liquor cabinet and saying he will be able to control the obsession once he learns to self-regulate. KWIM? I can see it from both sides, I'm just really not sure.

Thanks so much, I can't wait until bedtime when I can really sit and read every response in depth.


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

subbing. I have a sugar monkey at my house too. We've tried not making sweets into anything too special, serving dessert right alongside regular dinner, etc. Somewhere along the line, something changed. Maybe when we had company or something. Anyway, I'm interested in all the responses. I know that I personally will binge on something if it is forbidden, so I hesitate to go that route. We've done elimination diets in the past (not for sugar, but for gluten, eggs, dairy, etc.) and had no improvements. I also have trouble with hypoglycemia.

I suspect at this point, that DD is most interested in sugar because she is tired. We are trying to help her regulate her sleeping better, but we're not too good at it ourselves. I also crave sugar when I am tired. I think this is where I'll start for us.

Very interesting info and suggestions everyone has.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Starflower* 
I suspect at this point, that DD is most interested in sugar because she is tired. We are trying to help her regulate her sleeping better, but we're not too good at it ourselves. I also crave sugar when I am tired. I think this is where I'll start for us.

Ds always starts up with asking for sweets if we stay awake too late. I don't offer bedtime snacks because I don't think eating before bed is a great habit, not that I don't help him get food if he says he is hungry. But invariably in the evening, he just wants sweets and I think the real solution is getting to bed earlier. Easier said than done, some days. Lately, he's been happy with frozen apple juice (he scrapes it out of a mug with a spoon) which I like because it satisfies his sweet craving, takes a while to eat (so he eats fewer mindless calories), and I spike it with a splash of pomegranate juice for a little extra anti-oxidant power. When he went off naps (at age 6!), he wanted sweets in the afternoon, more.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Sweets taste good and young kids sometimes find that begging and obssessive behaviors really work well to get them what they want. I don't think that there is any mystery as to why someone would like sweets even though they rarely have them and I don't think that you can do anything about this other than continue on the way you are doing now. I think it sounds like a pretty nice balance, though personally I wouldn't mix yogurts or worry about jam types. Everyone has different taste buds and his prefer sweets. Everyone has preferences and wants and there is not a lot someone else can do about them.

It may help him to know the date of the next sweet so he doesn't have to obsess about it all the time. Perhaps shopping day could also be flavored milk day or you could consider allowing him to have flavored milk and a fresh fruit for breakfast instead of orange juice (which tends to be sugary anyways).


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## beebalmmama (Jul 21, 2005)

Our family sounds pretty similar to yours. It sounds like we may have a bit more sugar than you. Pb&J would have typical jam. He get's whole grain pancakes topped with syrup. Ds gets chocolate milk every other or every few days (although this is pretty recent).
Similarly though most of our sweets are homebaked goodies (made with unrefined sugar and partly whole wheat flour). We buy ice cream occasionally (maybe once a month). Most of ds's exposure to candy has been from school (he's 4). Christmas and holidays we buy candy but I buy mostly chocolates and pretty much stear clear of the really refined corn syrup candies. Our problem here is that ds is starting to expect a treat every night after dinner. I try to keep it in moderation because as a kid I rarely got sweets. I remember as a child sneaking into the pantry to stick my finger in powdered sugar. And trying to convince my parents I had a cold so I could have the sweet cough syrup (if that's not horrible!). So I never wanted to restrict ds's sugar intake too much.

Do you think if you let him have a few more "healthier" sweets he wouldn't obsess quite as much about the candy?


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
Wow, lots of food for thought from all ends of the spectrum. I wanted to answer a couple questions and while I haven't had a chance to study each response in depth, a few comments off the top of my head just from skimming the thread.

Yes, ds was breastfed from birth to about 2.5. He will be 4 in November. We do not see any kind of holistic practitioner at all, just an allopath for yearly checkups.

Self-regulation. I have heard of it and read about it but I have very mixed feelings on the topic. First, I understand and have read that severe restriction of goodies can lead to gorging and obsession. Along those same lines, I feel like severe restriction would be us not allowing him to partake during special holidays/parties, not allowing him to Trick or Treat, having it in the home but severely limiting his access to it or making it highly desirable by forcing him to clean his plate and use it as a reward. I feel like we allow and model a VERY reasonable level of candy and sweets by giving him the freedom to accept goodies when offered without restriction at parties and from loved ones (grandparents, etc.)

But at the same time let me be totally clear that we are talking about straight up candy here. Not muffins baked with chocolate chips, or oatmeal raisin cookies. We are talking Snickers Bars, Reeses, Rolos, Three Musketeers. CANDY. *Is it normal for kids to be allowed to eat candy on a normal day? Maybe the problem here is with me--I don't eat candy. I don't like it, I don't buy it, I don't eat it, I never have. I did not have candy in the home growing up. Determining how much candy is reasonable to eat in one day seems super strange to me, because IMO *no* amount of candy is reasonable to eat in a day. Do other families really dole out candy every day/every week?*
That said it's not like we are total strangers to dessert. We have a carton of ice cream in the freezer right now, for example, and last night we all enjoyed a scoop after dinner. I bake a lot with the kids and we make cookies maybe once or twice a month.

Natural sugars per day, I would say the bulk is from fruit & dairy. He doesn't drink milk and we don't always have yogurt so an average day of dairy/fruit might include a 1/2 cup of berries and a scoop of fresh unsweetened whipped cream with breakfast, a scoop of cottage cheese for snack and a sliced apple with lunch. Refined grains are not in our daily diet; we only buy whole grain bread, pasta and rice. I do use white flour bread for french toast & pancakes and 50/50 for baking, but those are are consumed maybe once or twice a week rather than daily.

Oh and when it comes to self-regulation one thing that does come to my head is addiction. If it's truly an addictive problem, I feel like putting a big ol' bowl of M&Ms on the table and letting him go nuts would be like giving an alcoholic keys to the liquor cabinet and saying he will be able to control the obsession once he learns to self-regulate. KWIM? I can see it from both sides, I'm just really not sure.

Thanks so much, I can't wait until bedtime when I can really sit and read every response in depth.

I didn't realize your DS was only three. For some reason I thought he was more like 7-8 years old. So I'm not sure if I agree with what I said earlier about self-regulation.

To answer your question, we do eat candy on a weekly if not daily basis at our house. We don't gorge on it by any stretch, but we do tend to have it around. I think the norm varies a lot in regards to this. A lot of families don't keep candy around at all, but I think there are many like us who do.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Does he watch a lot of TV?

We're not TV free. DD (3) is really loving Dora and Max & Ruby so I let her watch a little each day. Both shows are cute and innocuous most days. But both have episodes that really drive home the idea that candy, chocolate and ice cream are DESIRABLE.

I know for DD, she incorporates those things into her imaginative world when she's watched an episode that dwells on sweets. Just today she handed me one of her cylindrical wooden blocks and asked me if I wanted ice cream. She's never eaten an ice cream cone, but she knew just what to do with her imaginary one. I asked her what flavor it was and she told me "Blue."

Just thought I'd throw it out there.


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## Shera971 (Nov 26, 2008)

My DS is not obssessed with candy but he certainly does enjoy it. So if I happen to have any in the house and he knows about it, he asks for it. What I've taken to doing is saying he can have something special for dessert after dinner. Then I will take the usual dessert (yogurt or fruit usually) and place one or two small candies on top. Literally like one or two jelly beans, or two chocolate chips. He thinks its the cats [email protected]@ and seems completely satisfied. Maybe that might satisfy your DS that he actually IS getting candy, and make you feel ok by the fact that the amount is small. Just my 2 cents.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Do look into diabeties connection.

I would also consider making treats in moderation the norm.

I would also look into seeing how much carbs/fats/protein he is eating. My child that craves the sugar and candy the most is the one that I need to balance fats/protein more. She is also the child that eats the least amount of food out of my children.

She is a super slow eater. I think some times she eats so slow she feels full before she has had enough protein and carbs to make it through the day. I also found that she would many times want sweets when she was thirsty.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

We don't have a ton of candy - just from time to time. I don't think it's that unusual, nor do I think a fountain of candy is a basic child right.









We have kids with sweet tooths in my family. I remember my nephew driving me around the bend at about 6 years old begging for candy - but he actually meant food, at least some of the time. He had (and still has) a really active metabolism. It helped to give him protein with most snacks, and frequently.

At 3 my son developed some habits that were about control. They might have looked like a craving but I think it was about the control. We started giving him some control but not wholesale - more like "yes you may have one granola bar today - would you like it now or later?" That worked for a while. After that what worked was the granola bar at the same time of day each day so he knew when it was coming. Now this may not relate at all to your experience but I thought I would throw it out there.

I guess one question I have is whether really sweet fruits fill the same need? Not dried but just sweet, like pineapple, mango, etc. It might help a bit with developing some regulation to have those around - but served with cheese or yogurt. You could also compromise with a bit of honey or maple syrup on oatmeal. In other words, you might try meeting him halfway a bit and see if that helps.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Many times people crave sweets and sugary desserts when they are not consuming enough protein. Most people do not consume enough protein.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

I eat candy daily. I don't eat much, but it's in my snack drawer at work. Right now I have mini-eggs and twizzlers. I had 2 twizzlers after my morning tea and ~10 mini-eggs as my afternoon snack. I really like candy. I've worked hard to figure out ways to eat it in moderation. I only buy candy that comes in small pieces or that can be eaten that way, so no snickers bars because I'd eat them all in one go.


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## DianeMarie (Jul 7, 2009)

Why is he "addicted" to candy? Because it's sweet. Because it's good. Because it's tasty. And because he is severely limited in his "sweet" intake. The normal thing about people is that they want things they can't have---and that goes for kids as well as adults!!!

Do I think it is normal for a kid to have candy every day? Probably not. But, a couple times a week? Sure. I don't see any harm in that. Same thing with chocolate milk----if he doesn't drink milk, but would drink chocolate milk, then why not? Mostly everybody likes chocolate milk. And, he doesn't get any kind of sweet stuff unless there's a party or holiday or event, according to your post. And, even though you said that you don't "restrict" the candy because you let him go trick-or-treating, you only let him pick out a little candy and give the rest back in exchange for a toy---that is pretty restrictive, especially after he's dressed up and walked all over the place to collect the candy! He doesn't want a toy----he wants CANDY!! Keep the candy, and dole it out every day until it is gone. That is what my mother used to do---let me have a couple pieces every day until it was gone.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like your diet is pretty strict and severe for a young kid. Even though you are only making "healthy" things, remember that moderation is key when it comes to food and eating. You can have pie, cake, whatever----but you can't have it every day and you can't eat the entire pie/cake in one sitting.

Plus---even though you don't have it at home, he has been exposed to it at parties, holidays, etc., and compared to the food he is eating, it tastes a whole lot better!! And because you don't have it in the home, since he wants it SOOOO much, he talks about it, repeats it, tries to write it on the grocery list, etc.

And, not all chocolate is bad for you. Dark chocolate is actually very good for you!! I don't think there's anything wrong with having chocolate in the house and giving him some a couple times a week----maybe even every other day. He isn't going to get fat eating a little candy bar a couple times a week, and it will stop him from chanting about chocolate all the time. You can regulate it in the house, just like everything else.

I am kind of agreeing with other posters here though, as far as letting him "have at it"!!! My oldest brother LOVED maraschino cherries as a kid. My parents used to keep a jar in the fridge for when friends came over and they made cocktails............but when the friends came over, the jar was always empty!! One day, my mother got so pissed off, that she bought a gallon of maraschino cherries and gave him a spoon and let him go!! He got through about half the gallon of cherries, said he felt sick and ran in the bathroom to puke.......and puke..........and puke.......To this day he cannot eat a maraschino cherry because it makes his stomach turn!!


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

Sorry, OP, didn't see your ds is almost 4! We do keep candy around the house but I make it. So not regular stuff. When I do make it, ds would gobble it ALL up if I didn't put any regulation on it so I say only a couple pieces or whatever. For the record, I have a hard time with self regulation also and was given total access to all sweets growing up.

And recipe for choc. nut milk per a pp request:
4 C water
1 C soaked nuts-almond, brazil, hemp seed, etc
pinch sea salt
1/2 c pitted dates (or a couple T honey)
Blend, strain. Add milk back to blender and add: 1-2 heaping T raw cacao, vanilla & cinnamon to taste if you like. You could also use carob. Enjoy! It's yummy with some ice or a frz banana too then it's like a shake!


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

i have 2 of those here it was worse when i would cave to artifical flavors and colors. i have made changes and now it is better...i always have things on hand and free to the taking. processed snacks were a must in the begining because they became like a major treat because i never bought them. kinda over load his system with other options daily. sweetened cereal in a bowl.
other things i do is
choco milk is easy- milk, cocoa powder and a form of sweetner...i blend it and then serve.
chocolate is no artifical flavors and colors and dark chocolate.
frozen 100% fruit pops.
baked cookies-they die for molassas cookies they get rolled in sugar b4 baking.
herbal teas that are sweetened.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DianeMarie* 
Why is he "addicted" to candy? Because it's sweet. Because it's good. Because it's tasty. *And because he is severely limited in his "sweet" intake*. The normal thing about people is that they want things they can't have---and that goes for kids as well as adults!!!

Do I think it is normal for a kid to have candy every day? Probably not. But, a couple times a week? Sure. I don't see any harm in that. Same thing with chocolate milk----if he doesn't drink milk, but would drink chocolate milk, then why not? Mostly everybody likes chocolate milk. And, he doesn't get any kind of sweet stuff unless there's a party or holiday or event, according to your post. And, even though you said that you don't "restrict" the candy because you let him go trick-or-treating, you only let him pick out a little candy and give the rest back in exchange for a toy---that is pretty restrictive, especially after he's dressed up and walked all over the place to collect the candy! He doesn't want a toy----he wants CANDY!! Keep the candy, and dole it out every day until it is gone. That is what my mother used to do---let me have a couple pieces every day until it was gone.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like your diet is pretty strict and severe for a young kid. *Even though you are only making "healthy" things, remember that moderation is key when it comes to food and eating.* You can have pie, cake, whatever----but you can't have it every day and you can't eat the entire pie/cake in one sitting.

Plus---even though you don't have it at home, he has been exposed to it at parties, holidays, etc., and compared to the food he is eating, it tastes a whole lot better!! And because you don't have it in the home, since he wants it SOOOO much, he talks about it, repeats it, tries to write it on the grocery list, etc.

And, not all chocolate is bad for you. Dark chocolate is actually very good for you!! I don't think there's anything wrong with having chocolate in the house and giving him some a couple times a week----maybe even every other day. *He isn't going to get fat eating a little candy bar a couple times a week, and it will stop him from chanting about chocolate all the time.* You can regulate it in the house, just like everything else.

I am kind of agreeing with other posters here though, as far as letting him "have at it"!!! My oldest brother LOVED maraschino cherries as a kid. My parents used to keep a jar in the fridge for when friends came over and they made cocktails............but when the friends came over, the jar was always empty!! One day, my mother got so pissed off, that she bought a gallon of maraschino cherries and gave him a spoon and let him go!! He got through about half the gallon of cherries, said he felt sick and ran in the bathroom to puke.......and puke..........and puke.......To this day he cannot eat a maraschino cherry because it makes his stomach turn!!

Wow, this post has some crazy assumptions in it. The OP is not "severely restricting" her child's diet- it sounds very moderate to me- and I have a feeling the healthy eating is not to keep her child from getting fat.
This sounds like an over-the-top response to candy so it goes to reason there may be something physiological going on. Possibly a sugar sensitivity or maybe yeast overgrowth or SOMETHING outside the norm. I highly doubt that this is a child who will stop obsessing if given more candy.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I'm not really sure how I feel right now. I have to say I do wholeheartedly disagree that ds' diet is extreme and restrictive. We have a large extended family and get-togethers and activities are the norm for us. For example, Saturday ds slept over at Grandma and Grandpa's... pretty sure they had ice cream and maybe even a few more treats, I never asked. Sunday we went to a festival and he got to have a root beer (his first). Monday after dinner we had a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Today, we did not have any sweet treats outside of fresh fruit, but I did make french toast with strawberries and pineapples for breakfast. In 4 days, I feel like two servings of ice cream and a root beer is more than reasonable for a three year old. I'm not sure I am going to bend on that although I will take some time to reflect on it. I am also not sure how I feel about actually going out and buying candy bars to have around the house either. That has never been done in my whole life, it just seems very odd to me. Candy is for parties, holidays, Grandma's house, etc. They pass out Dum Dums at the liquor store, the bank, and the popcorn store. I have never restricted him from accepting any of that but I am not sure that he needs to have it added in to his daily home environment on top of what he gets in the outside world.

Definitely not worried about him "getting fat" LOL he's almost 4 and not even 30 lbs yet.

As for the Halloween thing, it works for us, he loves picking out a couple favorites and gladly hands over the rest to "buy" a toy. Definitely has never needed to be coerced or convinced in that respect. We trick or treat 2-3 times here and between two kids (one being a baby!) that is an obscene amount of candy to keep IMO.

I am really interested in how chocolate cravings are related to magnesium, and I think I will start by incorporating some magnesium rich foods into our diet and see if anything changes. And I will offer him the choice of chocolate milk with breakfast in lieu of OJ if he wants, OJ and choc milk would be about equal in my book. Not sure what he will choose, I give him the OJ because I love OJ w/ breakfast and when he sees me having some he asks for it too. We have OJ maybe about 3x a week.

Thanks for the continued advice. Even the suggestions I am not sure I am comfortable with have given me a lot to think about. I appreciate seeing all sides of the issue.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
All that said, when we go somewhere I have never restricted the kids from participating in activities with other children. At parties, festivals, and friends' houses they are free to join in pinatas, cupcakes, sprinkles, popsicles, whatever. They go Trick or Treating and pick a small amount of candy to keep and turn the rest in for a new toy. They have eaten at McDonald's and Chuck E Cheese and all of that.

I wonder if its like my DD - candy is heavily associated with parties and fun. Its not so much the candy itself its just that what she really wants is "a party."

She had a donut with sprinkles for the first time when we were on an outing with a friend and she was having a blast. We stopped into Rocket donuts for a treat and for months following that she was obsessed with donuts with sprinkles. We started getting the smaller donuts with sprinkles at the grocery store and the excitement quickly wore off. She no longer begs for donuts but does have one occasionally (once a month).

It might be useful to allow some candy occasionally in a boring, non-party type setting, so that the association between candy and fun is weakened. Kind of like, unexpectedly, "Oh, its time for some candy" and hand him a piece, then go about your business completely nonchalantly.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

I've got one that wants chocolate milk too--and with SYRUP not POWDER for whatever reason. (I've bought both at times and I've also used hot chocolate which doesn't really mix very well if you don't heat it...we did that once. I think that's what really did it.)

My objection is not really the chocolate milk. I actually think it'd be better than juice, because of the protein, fat, etc. over just plain sweet, even though you do get *some* vitamins in juice. It's that most of the syrups have HFCS. And since my kids have a STRONG presence of diabetes on one side of the family--type 2, diet induced.....I stay away from HFCS if at all possible. (their dad and his mom both are type 2 diabetic, and his dad is not at all the typical overweight type2. When I say it's diet-induced, I mean white bread and a SERIOUS sugar overload problem induced. When I look back though, knowing what I've learned, I think he craved sugar because he was pre-diabetic/unknown diabetic.)

THAT SAID....my children who can ask for candy are almost 5 and 2 1/2. The little one is the one who asks for candy specifically 9 times out of 10. We *do* usually have a bag of mixed from the Brach's thing at the grocery store or a bag of M&M's or something.

YES, I would say they have a piece or two of candy daily. And like I said, it's USUALLY my 2 year old who intiates it.

BUT...I have noticed also that probably 90% of the time when she asks, it is because she is hungry. And I have also noticed that on the days I stay ahead of food requests--by offering to make something or just presenting something--ahead of her having to ask, she does not seem to remember to ask for candy as much. Also, on days when we are busy, she just doesn't have as much time to think to ask for it as days when we are just at home doing the normal at-home stuff.

Also, like another poster said, one or two small candies can often be enough to make them TOTALLY HAPPY. One of those small 70 cent or whatever bags of MnM's can last my two kids days--INCLUDING me snitching a couple--because I can hand them 5 MnM's per candy request and they'll be happy.

SO.....to stop the 'obsession', I would...

Let him pick the occasional treat and eat it. Or buy some and dole out a piece or two a day.

I know you probably do this already...but...really pay attention to how often he's eating...they really *do* get hungry a lot more often than we do. Something I forget sometimes. And I have one (the older) who I think needs to be reminded to stop and eat more often than I think. (He's very active and does not want to stop playing to eat.) I think other people are right on that the requests for candy come out of desparate need for energy/food. *I* am actually going to do this with mine as well, as I get a *lot* of requests for treats and candy....

I just had a totally random thought. How much does this request for candy/sweets/junk come out of the fact that they are foods that can be eaten quickly without sitting and going through the formality of a meal? I think nothing of letting my kids walk around outside and play while eating a popsicle.
I am going to be more "free" with snacks that are more nutritious.









I *totally* understand the desire to limit their sugar intake. I used to complain constantly about others giving them sugar and "what is this going to do to them?' etc etc.

Here is the thing that puts it in perspective for me. How much sugar can they possibly be consuming, even if they eat a sucker (for example) every day? In all reality, not much. In comparison to what a typical child eats in a typical mainstream daycare center like I used to work in, it is NOTHING.

If they eat typical balanced, healthy meals and snacks throughout the day, even a piece of candy *daily* is really NOT going to harm them.

And it may do some GOOD--in preventing a big obsession with it that causes them to do things like hoard it and hide it, gorge on it, any chance they get.

It's just hit me that this is absolutely no different than what I observed in Germany as a teenager.
In Germany, teenagers (I don't know the *exact age*) can buy drinks at the dance clubs.
Our group stayed with a group of German teens and we all went to one of the clubs once while I was there.
The American teenagers were absolutely *obsessed* with the idea that we could order and consume alcohol. We all did.

The German teenagers were drinking sodas.







Most of them did not see the point in buying the more expensive alcoholic drinks.

Since it was a free and accepted, unrestricted, thing for them, they literally did not care about it.

This is the same thing--I really think if you make it a normal part of every day, that he can have it or not have it...you will find he forgets about it.
Or, even if you find he eats a handful of M&M's or a sucker or something *every day*, in the overall picture of his diet, it's NOT that bad. ESPECIALLY if it is really putting it in its place as a part of a healthy diet and making it not something worth obsessing about for him and gorging on if he gets a chance.

(I also don't favor unrestricted access for a young child. I don't think at 2 or 3 or 4 they even really connect getting sick with the act of eating too much candy yet.)


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

It sounds weird to list fruit as a sweet treat. To us fruit is food. It's to be eaten in moderation like all foods, but it's a food. I don't think that adding some fruit to breakfast takes the place of candy.

But, I understand where you're coming from. My sister has absolutely no sweet tooth. And it's very hard for her to understand what it's like to live with one.

I think I'm the opposite of a super taster. Everything I eat has to have bold flavors. I put salt and hot sauce on all my savory food. I put sugar (either white or honey) on my sweet food. I add maple syrup to vanilla ice cream. It's just how my tastebuds work. I taste food that other people eat with no alterations and have a hard time bringing myself to eat them. They are just so boring. Fruit is often bland and watery. I always sugar store bought berries and often dip store apples in things like peanut butter or nutella.

It's possible that at this point the only food your son has had that excites his taste buds is candy. I don't think I'd had spicy food until I was 6 or 7. You could try finding other foods with intense flavors like pickles or capers or olives.

I recently discovered seasoned rice wine vinegar and now sprinkle that on tomato slices and apple slices to make them taste like something to eat them.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peaceful_mama* 

My objection is not really the chocolate milk. I actually think it'd be better than juice, because of the protein, fat, etc. over just plain sweet, even though you do get *some* vitamins in juice. It's that most of the syrups have HFCS.


My objection is the HFCS as well, and also that premade chocolate milk is very highly sweetened. But if you have a Trader Joe's by you, we buy their Organic Midnight Moo Syrup and it doesn't have the HFCS.

Quote:

Also, like another poster said, one or two small candies can often be enough to make them TOTALLY HAPPY. One of those small 70 cent or whatever bags of MnM's can last my two kids days--INCLUDING me snitching a couple--because I can hand them 5 MnM's per candy request and they'll be happy.

SO.....to stop the 'obsession', I would...

Let him pick the occasional treat and eat it. Or buy some and dole out a piece or two a day.

You know, THIS I think I could live with. A couple M&Ms after lunch would be totally OK with me, even if it was every day. IMO that would not be a big deal, but maybe since it is his beloved CANDY he would chill out a little.

Or maybe it is a physical problem and it will lead to him wanting more, more, more, more. I can honestly see it going both ways. But my first reaction is that it would not be a bad way to test the waters and see what happens.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

I agree that fruit wouldn't satisfy a lot of people's sweet tooth. I don't count that as a sweet - not even a homemade fruit bar or fruit smoothie or frozen fruit snack.

My kids ONLY got candy and ice cream and soda when they were out with their grandparents or at a party, or here at a party. We never, EVER had that stuff in the house until about 6 months ago. And I was noticing a similar obsession too, just not as bad.

So we now buy ice cream and candy and Oreo cookies. Every day (almost - not when the kids are sick and not when I know they are going somewhere else to have sweets) they get a little bit of something. It may be one little scoop of ice cream as a snack, or one Oreo after lunch, or 8 M&Ms in a little bowl as a random treat. It has really seemed to curb the obsession. And now we can finally get through shopping without the kids crying & begging for candy all the time.


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## rayo de sol (Sep 28, 2006)

StrawberryFields, does your son eat a decent amount of fat and protein for every meal and snack? Does your family eat meat?

In my experience, the more meat, cheese, eggs, and butter I eat, the less I crave sweets.

I used to be just like your son as a child being raised on a whole foods but vegan diet. We ate tons of whole grains, fruits, and nuts, and the diet gave me an intense physical craving for candy and desserts.

Now I mostly only crave mild sweets (candy doesn't appeal to me anymore) late at night when my body really just wants to sleep.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JL83* 
It sounds weird to list fruit as a sweet treat. To us fruit is food. It's to be eaten in moderation like all foods, but it's a food. I don't think that adding some fruit to breakfast takes the place of candy.

But, I understand where you're coming from. My sister has absolutely no sweet tooth. And it's very hard for her to understand what it's like to live with one.

I think I'm the opposite of a super taster. Everything I eat has to have bold flavors. I put salt and hot sauce on all my savory food. I put sugar (either white or honey) on my sweet food. I add maple syrup to vanilla ice cream. It's just how my tastebuds work. I taste food that other people eat with no alterations and have a hard time bringing myself to eat them. They are just so boring. Fruit is often bland and watery. I always sugar store bought berries and often dip store apples in things like peanut butter or nutella.

It's possible that at this point the only food your son has had that excites his taste buds is candy. I don't think I'd had spicy food until I was 6 or 7. You could try finding other foods with intense flavors like pickles or capers or olives.

I recently discovered seasoned rice wine vinegar and now sprinkle that on tomato slices and apple slices to make them taste like something to eat them.

Another "intense tastes' person here and I NEVER thought of myself that way!!! Thank you. It explains a LOT---I used to just love, love, love very sweet-sweet things--candy bars, chocolate brownies with chocolate frosting and chocolate chunks, the more over-the-top the better. And I think it's because I grew up with parents who consider salt and pepper "seasoning your cooking." (I was also someone who did not like most of what they liked.)

I'm now married to a wonderful DH who cooks Indian and African food with all those fabulous spices all the time. And we both like hot sauce, chilies in the food, all of that.

Since I've gotten all these flavors into my regular eating, I have all but given up my sweets. It plain out does not taste good to me. I think I was *looking* for "intensity" and I took it the only way I could get it then.

I don't know if it's got anytihng to do with a kid and candy--part of me thinks kids just like sweets







but it's a *possibility* too I suppose.....

sorry to derail but it just was this lightbulb moment for me and my past eating.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

Salt is not a spice... It's a flavor enhancer. If there's no flavor to enhance, no amount of salt will help...

I was pretty lucky that my parents often cooked food with flavor. But most of my friend's parents didn't. Eating at other people's houses was miserable. That's when I learned that adults put hot sauce on things that kids often ask to put ketchup on. (and why are adults allowed to use hot sauce and kids get told no when they ask for ketchup?) So I learned to like hot sauce.


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## kittykat2481 (Nov 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustKiya* 
Could he be pre-diabetic, and craves sugar as a way to get his body to produce more insulin for his system? I'm not sure how juvinile diabetes works, but I know that a lot of sugar being dumped into your blood causes an insulin spike as your body attempts to compensate for it..... and maybe his production of insulin is ramping down?

This was my idea. The way he focuses on it so much, I think it would be at least worth looking into.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Unfooding (derestricting all foods) has worked extremely well for one of my kids, less well for another and I'm too afraid to try it with the third because she doesn't eat fruit to begin with







:

What has helped my sugar junkie is (this is my oldest):
1) Breaking the mental association between sweet treats and love. If you give candy more often and before he asks (and good luck with that) then it ceases to be a high days and holidays thing.
2) Getting him to actually taste his food, and the chocolate. Hotel du chocolat do a tasting kit for kids where they're encouraged to taste and really savour the flavours and think about what they're experiencing, to develop preferences. That got carried across into all areas of his life. He does love his spices and his strong flavours as well- also, he has a few textural icks in there.

3) For us, I have a kid who loves and admires the whole craft of baking and confectionery. He's baking solo now, and some of the stuff he turns out is absolutely breathtaking both to taste and to look at. For him, the candy phase led into his big passion. I don't know if he'll stay this way, but for now it makes him happy.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

I didn't read every reply, but a few things to think about...

1.) You don't have to make an "ultimate decision". If you think it is related to access, you could try an unlimited approach and see what happens. Barring health concerns, your biggest problem would be a tummy ache and/or stopping the approach if it didn't work. Neither is the end of the world, so it might be something to think about, or at least you could keep it in your back pocket.

2.) We go through this when DS is HUNGRY. Its not only sugar in those candies and chocolate, its fat too. And fat makes you feel full. My DS goes through growth periods when he seems to never feel full and then starts going on crazy snack demands. I accomodate by breaking out the "good" high fat and protein foods- peanut butter, granola bars, eggs, whole milk... And try to push good fats throughout the day so he doesn't get ravenous. Fats and protein are important parts of the diet and can be done in a healthy way.

3.) We do like you do with "healthy junk". Chocolate milk, depending on the kind, isn't terrible. Neither is ice-cream or some kinds of desserts. But, that doesn't seem to help? Personally, I'd go to the local health food/whole foods store and get chocolate milk and chocolate ice-cream and see if that helps- protein and fat in those too without the synthetic junk. Also there are some healthy chocolate cereals. Might take the edge off. We also do fruit leathers for a little sugar pick-me-up...


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## MissMaegie'sMama (Jul 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
I wonder if its like my DD - candy is heavily associated with parties and fun. Its not so much the candy itself its just that what she really wants is "a party."

She had a donut with sprinkles for the first time when we were on an outing with a friend and she was having a blast. We stopped into Rocket donuts for a treat and for months following that she was obsessed with donuts with sprinkles. We started getting the smaller donuts with sprinkles at the grocery store and the excitement quickly wore off. She no longer begs for donuts but does have one occasionally (once a month).

It might be useful to allow some candy occasionally in a boring, non-party type setting, so that the association between candy and fun is weakened. Kind of like, unexpectedly, "Oh, its time for some candy" and hand him a piece, then go about your business completely nonchalantly.

Really interesting point. Some kids like action and good times, and candy seems to tie into that concept well, especially the highly marketed stuff in the grocery store checkout lane. A little reassociation might dampen its desirability.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

From a totally different point of view, has he ever been obsessive about anything else? Or has it just been the candy? I know that some kids just latch on to certain thing, whether it be red cars or candy and they slowly get over it (usually).

P.S. I don't think your diet is severly restricted. I think it's reasonable. I also would be careful with the self regulation with a 3 year old, especially if there could be some prediabetic stuff going on. 3 year olds are not known for their ability to put action/consequence together and it could be dangerous.


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## txbikegrrl (Jul 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
I wonder if its like my DD - candy is heavily associated with parties and fun. Its not so much the candy itself its just that what she really wants is "a party."

She had a donut with sprinkles for the first time when we were on an outing with a friend and she was having a blast. We stopped into Rocket donuts for a treat and for months following that she was obsessed with donuts with sprinkles. We started getting the smaller donuts with sprinkles at the grocery store and the excitement quickly wore off. She no longer begs for donuts but does have one occasionally (once a month).

It might be useful to allow some candy occasionally in a boring, non-party type setting, so that the association between candy and fun is weakened. Kind of like, unexpectedly, "Oh, its time for some candy" and hand him a piece, then go about your business completely nonchalantly.

I think this is a good point to consider! Also OP it at first seemed to me access was more limited until you clarified that you have family gatherings quite often. He may really enjoy those and is associating them with candy!


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## txbikegrrl (Jul 20, 2006)

Also, just wanted to add that I personally think your diet is fairly restrictive but I mean that in a positive way and am envious of you! I wish that I could eat as healthy and pass that legacy on to my children. But I have a big sweet tooth myself. I think balance is the key and it sounds like you realize that as well and are working toward finding the "right" approach.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Have you had his vitamin/mineral levels checked. Cal/mag/vit. D may help. Also, you can make homemade kombucha (check the traditional foods section) and homemade soda that will give him some good probiotics and satisfy the sweet tooth. I find that Kombucha tea kills my sweet tooth. I crave white cheap storebought birthday cake and dr. pepper usually. I also have yeast problems which don't help my cravings at all.

We just made homemade blueberry soda and it was amazing how it's just sweet enough, but nothing like regular sodas in terms of that intense syrupy aftertaste. It really shows how intense commercial sweet products really are!

My naturapath gave me cal/mag supplements to help with my sugar cravings, so maybe that can help your son.


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## Nicole77 (Oct 20, 2003)

My youngest dd is the one with the sweet tooth in our family. She is two and a half and I seriously think she was just born with a sweet tooth because the older two children have been fed the same foods as her and they do not care nearly as much. We walk a similar line to most people on this board, focusing on whole foods and natural foods, not too much processed stuff and little to no HCFS. We also do allow the kids to have unlimited sweets whenever offered outside of the home and at least a few times during the week make cookies or have ice cream or whatever.

But our youngest would eat chocolate with every meal if she could. She loves candy and chocolate. Once we figured this out about her we tried to find a way to accommodate her desires in the healthiest way we could. We landed on dark chocolate. We keep a bag of dark chocolate chips (70% cocoa) in the refrigerator and she is allowed to ask for chocolate anytime she wants to. If she is having a day where she asks a lot I may only give her one or two chips at a time, if she hasn't really asked a lot she may get five or six. Usually the bag needs to be replenished every two or three weeks. So, yeah, it may be more sugar than I love feeding my two year old but it is good dark chocolate and a little bit every day isn't going to hurt her since she eats a healthy diet and is at a perfect weight (a bit low if anything!).

OP, before I would buy a bag of M&M's to dole out daily I would go for the dark chocolate. Could you start calling it chocolate candies and give him a few of those each day?


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## akat (Jun 30, 2009)

I hate giving my 5 yo son sweets because he melts down 30 min later like clockwork. Although he hasn't been tested, I'm sure he's hypoglycemic and I think I am too. He also totally craves sweets because he only remembers the immediate high - he doesn't associate the crash because it's a half hour later.

I eat junk food, fast food, candy, desserts, AND healthy food. I pretty much eat a sweet at least once a day - a cookie, small bowl of ice cream, piece of candy, small piece of cake. Usually pretty small and on a fullish tummy because it makes me feel ill otherwise. I definitely do give my son sweet stuff, junk food, etc. on a regular basis, but not in unlimited amounts. I also often require that he eat a certain amount of dinner/lunch first or with the junky food, explaining that I want his body to be healthy.

I never understood the obsession other adults have with giving infants and toddlers sweets and also nasty food like hot dogs. Why did my mother, MIL, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, froth at the bit to give my 12 mo old an ice cream cone, candy, or a hot dog, or chocolate milk at every meal? It irritates me. My mom fed us horrible junk food - I literally never had a glass of water til I was an adult. Seriously. I drank nothing in my life but Hi-C, Hawaiian Punch, and soda, 24/7. I always felt sick to my stomach as a kid. I resent that my mom gave us such terrible food [it was *not* for lack of money]. I resent that she wants to feed my son that way.

I think my son picks up on the unspoken emotions and control issues that most of us have about sugar and that influences his craziness for them.

Strawberry Fields, I wonder if part of what's happening is that he senses your discomfort and he's trying to explore that by constantly pushing you about it.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Whew! What a crazy couple of days it has been with me reading over and over and reflecting about this whole situation.

Last night I had a lightbulb moment where I realized that providing ds with candy (snickers, M&Ms, etc.) was not a decision that I could feel good about. I really challenged myself by thinking of different ways to execute a plan that included the candy he is asking for but again and I again it just doesn't feel right to me. Here I am, a person who has never bought a candy bar in my whole life and I'm contemplating buying bags of mini snickers to let my 3.5 and 1.5 year old eat every day.

I feel like for the past 3 1/2 years I have given ds the freedom to make his own choices outside the home, while ensuring that he could trust me to provide him in his own home with food items that will make his body feel good. At 3-4 years old I don't think he can make that connection between what he eats and how he feels, and so he relies on me to do that for him. And buying bags of candy, whether it is to dole out regularly or to allow him to gorge himself on, feels like a total betrayal of that. Not to mention the mixed messages!

That said, something still needs to be done about what is currently going on. And so maybe what I need to do is respect the fact that this kid really loves chocolate, and find a way for him to have the foods that he wants in a way that is within our comfort zone.

I think that I am going to start out with:
-upping the magnesium-rich foods that we eat each day
-being vigilant about offering enough protein and fat, and at appropriate intervals throughout the day
-offering chocolate milk (or the chocolate nut milk recipe offered in this thread) as a beverage option especially in place of the OJ we often have at breakfast
-keeping 70% cocoa dark chocolate nibs in the house for him to consume whenever he requests

I came across a recipe for peanut butter fudge bars in a Clean Eating magazine and I think I will give those a try too. If we like them we can certainly cut them in little cubes and keep them in the fridge to dole out as candy as well.


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## vbactivist (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
I'm not really sure how I feel right now. I have to say I do wholeheartedly disagree that ds' diet is extreme and restrictive. We have a large extended family and get-togethers and activities are the norm for us. For example, Saturday ds slept over at Grandma and Grandpa's... pretty sure they had ice cream and maybe even a few more treats, I never asked. Sunday we went to a festival and he got to have a root beer (his first). Monday after dinner we had a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Today, we did not have any sweet treats outside of fresh fruit, but I did make french toast with strawberries and pineapples for breakfast. In 4 days, I feel like two servings of ice cream and a root beer is more than reasonable for a three year old. I'm not sure I am going to bend on that although I will take some time to reflect on it. I am also not sure how I feel about actually going out and buying candy bars to have around the house either. That has never been done in my whole life, it just seems very odd to me. Candy is for parties, holidays, Grandma's house, etc. They pass out Dum Dums at the liquor store, the bank, and the popcorn store. I have never restricted him from accepting any of that but I am not sure that he needs to have it added in to his daily home environment on top of what he gets in the outside world.

Definitely not worried about him "getting fat" LOL he's almost 4 and not even 30 lbs yet.

As for the Halloween thing, it works for us, he loves picking out a couple favorites and gladly hands over the rest to "buy" a toy. Definitely has never needed to be coerced or convinced in that respect. We trick or treat 2-3 times here and between two kids (one being a baby!) that is an obscene amount of candy to keep IMO.

I am really interested in how chocolate cravings are related to magnesium, and I think I will start by incorporating some magnesium rich foods into our diet and see if anything changes. And I will offer him the choice of chocolate milk with breakfast in lieu of OJ if he wants, OJ and choc milk would be about equal in my book. Not sure what he will choose, I give him the OJ because I love OJ w/ breakfast and when he sees me having some he asks for it too. We have OJ maybe about 3x a week.

Thanks for the continued advice. Even the suggestions I am not sure I am comfortable with have given me a lot to think about. I appreciate seeing all sides of the issue.

Op - I agree with you. I don't think your childs diet is severely restricted in any way. I think most people, if they were really accurate, would see that their children consume way too much sugar! I don't think our bodies were desigend to eat sweets , even every day. sorr baby needs me, but i have more thoughts on this.


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## Pavlovs (Dec 25, 2007)

Only because it's been mentioned a couple of times here, I want to respond to the diabetes issue. It absolutely does not sound like that's the case. Someone whose pancreas is going ka-put will not necessarily crave sweets, nor does the eating of sugar in any way relate to the onset of diabetes (I'm referring to Type 1, or Juvenile diabetes).


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
Whew! What a crazy couple of days it has been with me reading over and over and reflecting about this whole situation.

Last night I had a lightbulb moment where I realized that providing ds with candy (snickers, M&Ms, etc.) was not a decision that I could feel good about. I really challenged myself by thinking of different ways to execute a plan that included the candy he is asking for but again and I again it just doesn't feel right to me. Here I am, a person who has never bought a candy bar in my whole life and I'm contemplating buying bags of mini snickers to let my 3.5 and 1.5 year old eat every day.

I feel like for the past 3 1/2 years I have given ds the freedom to make his own choices outside the home, while ensuring that he could trust me to provide him in his own home with food items that will make his body feel good. At 3-4 years old I don't think he can make that connection between what he eats and how he feels, and so he relies on me to do that for him. And buying bags of candy, whether it is to dole out regularly or to allow him to gorge himself on, feels like a total betrayal of that. Not to mention the mixed messages!

That said, something still needs to be done about what is currently going on. And so maybe what I need to do is respect the fact that this kid really loves chocolate, and find a way for him to have the foods that he wants in a way that is within our comfort zone.

I think that I am going to start out with:
-upping the magnesium-rich foods that we eat each day
-being vigilant about offering enough protein and fat, and at appropriate intervals throughout the day
-offering chocolate milk (or the chocolate nut milk recipe offered in this thread) as a beverage option especially in place of the OJ we often have at breakfast
-keeping 70% cocoa dark chocolate nibs in the house for him to consume whenever he requests

I came across a recipe for peanut butter fudge bars in a Clean Eating magazine and I think I will give those a try too. If we like them we can certainly cut them in little cubes and keep them in the fridge to dole out as candy as well.

Sounds like a good plan. Keep us updated to let us know how things are working for him.


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## Laurel (Jan 30, 2002)

I would suggest the book "Little Sugar Addicts" by Kathleen DesMaisons. I bought this after a friend recommended it to me. I too have a child is obsessed with sweets. She asserts that yes, there are people whose bodies react differently to sugar, who are more sensitive to sugar than other people, and who therefore can become addicted to sugar. There are other behaviors to look for in addition to constantly focusing on and asking about sugar. You may read it and find that it doesn't describe your situation, but then again you may find some explanations and answers.


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## jlobe (May 1, 2009)

My daughter loves sweets... we do restrict sweets... especially processed ones. At 3-4 I don't think she was able to understand the value of why we don't eat them and I have noticed that now (she's 5) even though she still wants them, she understands that they're not healthy choices.

Also... unrestricted doesn't really work for me because I believe that modelling healthy eating will have the longest impact and we don't eat alot of sweets. To have access to readily available sweets in my mind doesn't communicate our beliefs about food and nutrition to my kids.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

Sounds like you have a good plan. Just because you allow a bit more sweets doesn't mean it can't be on your terms.







When we go to certain grocery stores I'll let DS choose a bar of good quality chocolate and he has a piece or two on the way home. I keep it in the cupboard and whenever he thinks of it, he's allowed to have some. It's really "his" chocolate, but when I say he's had enough, he doesn't argue, he just double-checks with me that he can have another piece tomorrow/later/when daddy gets home, whatever. Usually a regular bar lasts at least a week in our house. We also have huge bags of candy in the house (1) because I buy these non-HFCS lollipops in bulk and (2) his grandma loves candy and always sends him bags. I keep it on top of the fridge, sort of out of sight, and occasionally he asks for those things. But honestly it works out to one or two pieces of candy a few times a week. I don't even sweat it. I worry more about the amount of cheese DS eats because he'll ask for that multiple times a day!


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
You know, THIS I think I could live with. A couple M&Ms after lunch would be totally OK with me, even if it was every day. IMO that would not be a big deal, but maybe since it is his beloved CANDY he would chill out a little.

Or maybe it is a physical problem and it will lead to him wanting more, more, more, more. I can honestly see it going both ways. But my first reaction is that it would not be a bad way to test the waters and see what happens.

strawberry fields i think this is a good plan. you just dont know why he is wanting the sugar. it could go either way. he may want it for the addiction of it, or he could go for health reason. just so you know kids need sugar. they need it for the brain. in fact here is research being done with autistic children and the sugar connection. i am not sure what form that sugar has to be in.

your son is probably getting enough sugar.

i have gone thru a lot with my obsessive dd over candy. and yes candy - NOT food. i think by 3 i gave in. mind you i know how you feel because i am a savory kinda gal. i am soooo not into sweets or dessert. i hate anything sweet for bfast. i even hate sweet in my food like teriyaki sauce.

in my situation i sense with my dd that it was more than just a craving or obsession. i listened to my gut and gave her candy when i wasnt ok with it. no soda yet. that didnt happen till 5. she gorged herself on chocolate cake and that was the end of it. from 3 onwards she always asked for it but whenever seh got a chocolate cake - or any cake she ate maybe two bites and that was enough. i think for her it was also a combination that SHE was making the decision.

by the time she was 6 she was self regulating. and she continues to do so now too. we dont eat candy everyday. however sometiimes its every day sometimes it not for weeks. i think dd just has a sweet tooth and she would enjoy a little candy whenever she feels the desire. just for the taste and flavor. many times i have to throw candy away because its been sitting for a long time.

i think its a great idea that you experiment and find a balance between what you want and he wants. but remember intially it will take him time to get used to having candy more often. so the asking might get more intense. but if he knows he will get it regularly maybe it wont be such a forbidden fruit.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Since it sounds like chocolate is what your ds wants, I would just try to find healthier types of chocolate to give him.

Chocolate milk would be good.

I also like to melt together equal parts of semi-sweet chocolate chips and natural nut/seed butters (we use sunflower seed butter), and I'll spread it on toast in the morning.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:

Is it normal for kids to be allowed to eat candy on a normal day? Maybe the problem here is with me--I don't eat candy. I don't like it, I don't buy it, I don't eat it, I never have. I did not have candy in the home growing up. Determining how much candy is reasonable to eat in one day seems super strange to me, because IMO *no* amount of candy is reasonable to eat in a day. Do other families really dole out candy every day/every week?
not neccesarily snickers bars and such but sugar cereal, chocolate milk (many kids get this daily), chcolate pudding, fruit snacks (many kids get these daily), things like pop tarts, granola bars with chocolate in them, chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, yogurt with candy bits and yeah a lot of kids get a little something every day even if it just a hershey kiss, a sucker at the grocery store, a little tiny candy bar bite, a peice of taffy or even gum......yeah, lots and lots of candy for the average american kid.

have you asked him what his deal is?

I would find something small you could indulge him with every day. a hershy kiss, 3 or 4 m&ms (or make a trail mix with peanuts and raisins which will make it seem like a bigger treat but the amount of chocolate will be minimal), a small glass of chocolate milk (although get some syrup, 8 0z of the premixed stuff has more chocolate and sugar than a large candy bar, this way you can add just enough to color it brown).


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

OMG I am glad to have found this thread. This is a big issue in our home too. I didn't grow up eating candy AT ALL. We ate healthy home cooked food. Occassionally we had donuts or something as we grew older. But no candy.

Dh grew up with TONS of candy everyday. He gives candy to the kids and they become obsessed with it. No matter how many discussions we have about it, there's still candy in the house. I do restrict it as dd1 is OBSESSED with it. But there are times I simply call a candy moratorium and insist on eating only healthy foods. It drives me freaking batty.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
not neccesarily snickers bars and such but sugar cereal, chocolate milk (many kids get this daily), chcolate pudding, fruit snacks (many kids get these daily), things like pop tarts, granola bars with chocolate in them, chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, yogurt with candy bits and yeah a lot of kids get a little something every day even if it just a hershey kiss, a sucker at the grocery store, a little tiny candy bar bite, a peice of taffy or even gum......yeah, lots and lots of candy for the average american kid.

have you asked him what his deal is?

I would find something small you could indulge him with every day. a hershy kiss, 3 or 4 m&ms (or make a trail mix with peanuts and raisins which will make it seem like a bigger treat but the amount of chocolate will be minimal), a small glass of chocolate milk (although get some syrup, 8 0z of the premixed stuff has more chocolate and sugar than a large candy bar, this way you can add just enough to color it brown).


None of those items you listed were normal when I grew up and are not in our house now. We do buy candy on occasion, when my husband's sweet tooth takes over his brain, but we don't keep anything like the things you mentioned.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

OP, I don't have any constructive suggestions, but I just wanted you to know that we eat like you do (actually, I think we are probably somewhat more restrictive) and DD has no obsession with sugar at all. I mean, she loves ice cream and Halloween excites her, but right now there is a bag of candy on the counter that she got out of a pinata that she has forgotten about. She also never gets around to finishing her Halloween candy, which we dole out a couple of pices per day as long as she asks for it.

I'm NOT at all gloating! Instead I am pointing out that there is certainly no 1:1 correlation where a kid who eats like that is bound to be obsessed and feel deprived or something, as some posters seem to be implying. She just isn't that interested. I could try to claim it's because we've raised her right







but I suspect some of this is biological or inborn. FWIW, I don't have much of a sweet tooth and my husband (who is very slender) has even less.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Also...this is going to sound kind of woo-woo...

Do you suppose it's possible that for some reason this is just the area where your DS needs to feel powerful and in control, where he needs to try to fight you and assert his desires and preferences? My DD does not battle us over food, and she also has never been very interested in acquiring "stuff." However, she locks horns with us all the time over other matters (for instance, issues with bodily integrity--hairbrushing, toothbrushing...used to be diapering and dressing). I know other kids for whom it seems to be issues of where the family goes or does not go and when. Maybe for your DS, it is food? Have you had issues with what he eats before? Could you involve him more in food generally? Like, cooking and meal planning?


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Purity♥Lake~* 
None of those items you listed were normal when I grew up and are not in our house now. We do buy candy on occasion, when my husband's sweet tooth takes over his brain, but we don't keep anything like the things you mentioned.


I don't think it is normal for the majority of the people here, certainly not and I don't keep any of that around my house but I used to teach preschoolers and I saw these things in their lunches every single day. People (main stream america) seem to think there are some sort of virture in granola bars and fruit snacks and chocolate milk when all of these are just glorified candy.


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## hhurd (Oct 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraxc* 
Instead I am pointing out that there is certainly no 1:1 correlation where a kid who eats like that is bound to be obsessed and feel deprived or something, as some posters seem to be implying. She just isn't that interested. I could try to claim it's because we've raised her right







but I suspect some of this is biological or inborn.

I agree with this.


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