# Scared NOT to circ.



## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

I've been to this forum a million times. I have two sons that were circumcised. I never gave it any thought back then...I started to before my DD was born and I was just thankful she was a girl and so I didn't have to think too much on it. Now I'm pregnant again and due this summer. I don't WANT to circ. I think it's unnecessary. I think the reasons people do it are ridiculous. I don't want to put my baby in danger for no reason.

But.

I'm still nervous. What if he grows up and ends up feeling bad about himself because his brothers are and he isn't? How do I -know- that I can instill that confidence in him to be happy with himself and to not let what others say bother him. Around here the circ rate is near 100% and I just worry, I guess.

I know these aren't reasons to do it. I know. *sighs* But but but...

Can anybody help me feel more confident? I still wouldn't do it but I just wish I could feel HAPPY about it instead of nervous. (As silly as it sounds.)


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

the foreskin is the best part of the penis. why would he feel bad or less-than, when he is the one who has it all?


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## elanorh (Feb 1, 2006)

My state is pretty high-circ, and I've seen several little boys recently who are not (locker room after swim lessons). There may be more intact boys where you live than you realize? I hadn't seen anyone intact until this year. I know the moms probably feel pretty isolated in their choice - I haven't said anything, because I think it might seem creepy, but I'm so glad that they made the choice they made!

Dh and I, if we were to have a son, would not circumcise. But, we're likely done (with two dds). Dh's circumcision as an infant has negatively impacted our sex life. It may be 'normal,' but as you've discovered in your research, I'm sure, it can have some side effects which are taken for granted by our culture since we have such a high circ rate.

You're making the right choice. There are other moms here who will share the snappy comebacks their kids have suggested for those locker-room situations (which it seems don't really happen much). I know one mom said her son told her that he'd just say, "Dude, why are you looking at my ....?"

Even if I didn't feel strongly about intactivism, the incidences of staph and the stories about babies who bled too much etc. --- would all make me very nervous, personally. And keep reminding yourself - no major medical authority recommends routine infant circumcision. None.

If he decides he wishes he were circumcised when he's 18 - you could always offer to pay for it then. From all I've read, he will not be interested in that though!  But, if he is, he'll have good pain management during and afterwords, and the doctors wouldn't be 'guessing' how much to take off. This is a good way to handle it with pushy family members, too - tell them, "Hey, donate to a fund, we'll let him decide when he's 18 whether he wants to use it for a circumcision or for college or a car/mortgage payment."


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Thank you! I guess it's just nice to hear because I will never hear those things around here. I know it's the right choice, I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *elanorh*
> 
> My state is pretty high-circ, and I've seen several little boys recently who are not (locker room after swim lessons). There may be more intact boys where you live than you realize? I hadn't seen anyone intact until this year. I know the moms probably feel pretty isolated in their choice - I haven't said anything, because I think it might seem creepy, but I'm so glad that they made the choice they made!
> 
> ...


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## mumofboyz (Jul 11, 2008)

My first two sons were circumcised as well. By the time DS#3 came, I had done tons of research to feel comfortable choosing to leave him intact. Do your research on the hows, the history, the whys and why nots, watch a video of a circumcision (I think this should be mandatory for all parents considering the procedure), and you'll grow comfortable with your decision too.

I have enormous regrets with regards to the first two boys and, to be quite honest, my soul smiles just a bit every time I change DS#3's diaper and see that he is just the way he is supposed to be.


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## drs0410 (Dec 3, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mumofboyz*
> 
> My first two sons were circumcised as well. By the time DS#3 came, I had done tons of research to feel comfortable choosing to leave him intact. Do your research on the hows, the history, the whys and why nots, watch a video of a circumcision (I think this should be mandatory for all parents considering the procedure), and you'll grow comfortable with your decision too.
> 
> I have enormous regrets with regards to the first two boys and, to be quite honest, my soul smiles just a bit every time I change DS#3's diaper and see that he is just the way he is supposed to be.


Aww, I know how you feel! This may seem weird saying this, so I usually keep it to myself, but I think my son's penis is so cute when he's cold and it's wrinkled up.

lovingmommyhood- once you get used to seeing your baby's intact penis, a circumcised penis will start to look a little funny.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood*
> 
> I'm still nervous. What if he grows up and ends up feeling bad about himself because his brothers are and he isn't? How do I -know- that I can instill that confidence in him to be happy with himself and to not let what others say bother him.


If he does - and there's absolutely no reason to think he will - he can get circ'd later if he wants to. He can't grow a new foreskin. He can do foreskin restoration, but that's not the same thing.

I don't think this is at all likely to be a problem.


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *elanorh*
> 
> My state is pretty high-circ, and I've seen several little boys recently who are not (locker room after swim lessons). There may be more intact boys where you live than you realize? I hadn't seen anyone intact until this year. I know the moms probably feel pretty isolated in their choice - I haven't said anything, because I think it might seem creepy, but I'm so glad that they made the choice they made!
> 
> Even if I didn't feel strongly about intactivism, the incidences of staph and the stories about babies who bled too much etc. --- would all make me very nervous, personally. And keep reminding yourself - no major medical authority recommends routine infant circumcision. None.


I also live in a state that has a high circ rate. I just completed a degree in early childhood education, and during my studies did various internships at local daycares and preschools. LOTS of intact little boys around here. I can pretty much guarantee that the locker room situation (which is probably overblown in the first place) will not be an issue. Like Elanorh, mentioned, I would also be extremely afraid of staph after a circ. It is rampant in hospitals, and doing any unnecessary procedure that could increase the chance of a staph infection would freak me out. Good luck with your new baby, and I applaud you for being so brave to explore leaving your new little one intact. I'm sure it's extra-hard when you have two who are already circed.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Doodlebugsmom*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


Thank you so much everybody for being gentle with me! And thank you doodlebugsmom, that has been the hardest part. I know it's the right thing to do and I know I'll be so happy to not "have" to send my baby boy off (if this is a boy) to the nursery to have such a horrible thing done. Thanks again!!


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

I agree that you might be making a bigger of this than is warranted - (don't mean to make you feel bad - it's probably pregnany hormones). I live in a high circ state, my son is intact AND goes to a Jewish day care. (We are not Jewish). I was all concerned and wanted to talk to the Director about how they didn't need to do anything different with his penis, just clean it etc. She just laughed and was like - We've seen plenty of uncircumsized boys here. I think it's totally going to be a non-issue in the locker room. To the extent anyone thinks about it, I imagine it will be like skin color and they'll just figure some look different. It's not something I worry about at all.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I have an intact son in a high circumcising state. I know several other boys who are intact. The tide is changing, even in the high circumcision areas.

Remember, this is an adult you are raising. Our children are only children for a small portion of their lives. The decisions we make for them now will impact them forever. We don't have crystal balls to predict the future. We don't know if our kids will move to Europe (where intact is the norm), or marry a partner from an intact culture. If you leave him the way he was designed, he can alter things if he wants to when he is a consenting adult.

When we learn more, we make better informed decisions. The times are changing. Thank you for approaching this issue with an open mind.


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## LessTraveledBy (Feb 9, 2005)

You probably got a lot of great answers... Here is my thought:

I live in Europe and most people here have never even heard of circs for anything other than religious reasons. When they bump into an American (like my dh) who was circed as a baby, they first don't believe it and then laugh. Chances are that your son will get to know people from maaany cultures (such is the world these days) and countries and very few of them circ. So, looking at this a bit more widely, circ is strange, no circ is normal in the world.

BTW, sometimes I read here about the chance of infections and such for non-circed boys. Always makes me laugh. No one circs here (Northern Europe) and the idea of that leading into an infection or other treouble is really bizarre to any man here.


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## buckeyedoc (Nov 9, 2006)

I have three intact boys in a high circumcision rate area. I feel like it will be easy for me to explain why I left them intact. I also seriously doubt they will be the only intact boys around.


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## drs0410 (Dec 3, 2010)

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *drs0410*
> 
> I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?


I don't mean to stereotype but in Texas, did you work with a Mexican/Latino population? I was under the impression that the Latino culture did NOT circumcise (in general).

In my area, the intact boys that I have seen tend to have mothers who looked outside the box of OB care, often using a midwife. They also were educated on the benefits of breastfeeding and tended to nurse their babies well into the second year. I think leaving a child intact is, for some, an issue of the parent(s) having good education.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

DH is intact and all of his male cousins are circ'd. He *never* felt bad about being intact. We talked about it when ds was born, and dh expressed that he always cringed at the thought of anyone cutting off part of his penis and was entirely glad that his mother kept him intact, even when he knew he was the only one of the cousins who was.


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## buckeyedoc (Nov 9, 2006)

Most of the moms of intact boys I have met here in Ohio are somehow associated with birth advocacy or ICAN, etc.


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## carriebft (Mar 10, 2007)

I think it really has changed. I look at my 4 year old intact son and think of his 5 "best friends"-- 3 are intact (gathered from the fact that their parents have told me after seeing anti circumcision pins on my purse or seeing the pics of me at the march on my facebook page). I am part of a local moms group that is not Ap centered and we had a thread on this not long ago and about 15 people answered the thread, 6 or 7 had intact sons.  a few more were planning on leaving intact but had girls or are planning for future.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *drs0410*
> 
> I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?


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## drs0410 (Dec 3, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *PuppyFluffer*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


No, most of them were white. Hardly any of the parents were the type to breastfeed toddlers (or breastfeed at all) or use a midwife. I think most of them were educated, or I assume they were since the day cares were pricey and in nice areas. They probably weren't educated about circumcision though. That's not something that students are normally taught in school. You usually have to do your own research.


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## HeliMom (Jan 14, 2010)

His body his choice.

As far as worrying about if he will have poor self esteem due to looking different than others, ask yourself would you buy your daughter breast implants if she felt different in the locker room? would you perform surgery on your son if he felt bad because he was too tall/ short in comparison to his brothers? These cosmetic procedures do exist. Personally I would not perform any cosmetic surgery on a child.

Also my husband and his brothers were all left intact. The youngest chose to be circumcised as an adult. Now that he is planing his own family he is planing to leave his children intact.
Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood*
> 
> I've been to this forum a million times. I have two sons that were circumcised. I never gave it any thought back then...I started to before my DD was born and I was just thankful she was a girl and so I didn't have to think too much on it. Now I'm pregnant again and due this summer. I don't WANT to circ. I think it's unnecessary. I think the reasons people do it are ridiculous. I don't want to put my baby in danger for no reason.
> 
> ...


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## raelize (Jun 17, 2006)

my four brother were all intact. so were my three boy cousins. and no one ever gave them a hard time. we grew up in middle class american suburb - and nobody cared.


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## Jessnet (Apr 11, 2009)

I also found a lot more men were intact than I thought.

Once we made the decision to keep our DS intact, I was startled by how many grown men confessed they were intact and pleased we had made the decision to keep our boy intact.

(*startled by both how many men were intact and how many felt compelled to share this fact with me







)


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## Greg B (Mar 18, 2006)

I was circ'd, my younger brothers were not.

I am circ'd, my two sons are intact.

No issues, no locker room problems, no problems at all.

Adults think there will big issues for some reason. Kids do not. This particular difference is far overshadowed by the other things kids tease each other about. As adults, there are shallow people for whom a foreskin is a show stopper. Best to let them walk, if that is the depth of their thinking.

Regards


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## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

I didn't read the rest of the replies, but here's food for thought: IF he hates being intact, if it causes him physical and emotional trouble, he can get circ'd later. He will understand what is being done and will be able to get proper pain medication during and after the decision. Most importantly, it will be HIS choice. If you get him circ'd now, and he hates it, if it causes him pain or heartache, he can't undo it later, and that choice will have been taken from him.

There's lots of good info here, good luck... and Congratulations on another baby!


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## stayo22 (Apr 8, 2008)

I totally understand how you feel. I chose not to circ my son and my entire family and friends think I am NUTS. I even had my MIL tell me my son was dirty and disgusting! Not exactly what you want to hear about your newborn. BUT I am following my gut instincts and my gut tells me that circ is wrong. I am a little scared because we live in such a cosmetically altered world where image is EVERYTHING. So, at times I've worried that my son will be made to feel bad about himself by some vapid Paris Hilton type about his un-circ'ed self.

I always go back to the fact that every boy ever born was born incorrectly? (aka with foreskin?) Surely, there is a reason for that little bit of skin and if so, why should I cut it off just because we've been trained to think a penis looks better without it? Silly, isn't it!

Stay strong!


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## Claire and Boys (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood*
> 
> I've been to this forum a million times. I have two sons that were circumcised. I never gave it any thought back then...I started to before my DD was born and I was just thankful she was a girl and so I didn't have to think too much on it. Now I'm pregnant again and due this summer. I don't WANT to circ. I think it's unnecessary. I think the reasons people do it are ridiculous. I don't want to put my baby in danger for no reason.
> 
> ...


If he grows up and really wants to be circumcised, he can be. Whereas if you go the other route and cut him, and he grows up and decides he wishes he'd been left intact.. bar restoration he's out of luck. I think it's always better to err on the side of caution and leave that choice up to him later.


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## raelize (Jun 17, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Claire and Boys*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


i imagine a bigger problem could be that your circ'd boys grow up and ask why you inflicted it upon them but not on their brother. why was he the special one?


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## JulianneW (Dec 17, 2010)

I am married to an intact man. I had no idea I was so lucky until I started my research, I then learnt what lube was for. I am so glad my husbands mother left him alone. My sister is very angry that her MIL's choice now effects her sex life.

My husband was a varsity football, basketball and track athlete in high school, we both just graduated college so this was rather recently. He never once had any issues, in fact I don't think anyone knew or cared one way or another. If someone did get a chance look, admitting to checking another guy out in the locker room would not be acceptable. I could ask my husband if the friends he played football with since 5th grade were circed or not or how big their penis's were and he would have no idea. He has no idea the status of his dad or brothers integrity.

In high school guys always thought us girls were running around topless in our locker room and were very disappointed that we all were not comparing boobs and showering together. I can honestly say I never saw my friends boobs in the locker room and they are at eye level. The whole locker room scenario is overblown.

Chances are the issue will never come up.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *raelize*
> 
> i imagine a bigger problem could be that your circ'd boys grow up and ask why you inflicted it upon them but not on their brother. why was he the special one?


That's the farthest concern from my mind.

Thank you for all the support ladies!!! You're the best.


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## Hazelpuss (Jan 18, 2011)

My husband says that he didn't know he was circ'd until he was 11 years old, he knew other boys were different but put it down to the fact that no two people are identical in every way, so it didn't worry him. But as he grew older, he realised that intact was better, and now is restoring what he has left. As intact is becoming the most numerous state everywhere nowadays, even circ'd fathers have to accept that they have to leave their baby boys intact.


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## edensmama (Jun 1, 2006)

I always thought I wanted my son circd but the universe had other plans. When ds was born the dr basically said ds's penis was to small and we should wait a couple of months before we circd. At 5 1/2 weeks old ds was diagnosed with kidney reflux and we were advised not to circ until the age of 2. I did some research and realized it wasn't necessary. Dh had an issue for a while that ds would be "different from the other guys in the locker room." As ds approached age 2 we talked with his dr about it and b/c of his age he would have to be put out and it would be considered outpatient surgery. That right there made me say no to circ. If we have another boy he will be intact as well!


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## TigerTail (Dec 22, 2002)

My sons weren't born yet when I first started posting here, and at the ages of 8 & 10, one's response to a woman last night elsewhere (when I asked him in exasperation, "What would you tell this woman, who insists that her kid is going to thank her one day for circumcising him?", was: "Woman, you're crazy.")

If I could post the expression of unbelieving disdain... Trust me. No kid wants to think about his mother having parts cut off his penis, unless she already has & he's got to use cognitive dissonance to stay sane (or she said she's sorry, & love conquers all).


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## amaayeh (Jan 26, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *drs0410*
> 
> I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?


I grew up in Texas and never came across an intact penis. Not once. Then when I had my first child, I went to an OB and he said the circ rate at his practice was 95% and then tried to bully my SIL into circ'ing by telling her that 'only the people coming from Mexico don't circ.' Like she (and the baby) would be outcasts or something. Thankfully she wasn't the least bit influenced by that and has had zero problems (I had girls!). I do think the attitude is changing a bit, but I would guess that of people I knew back there, the circ rate is still probably 95%.


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## Greg B (Mar 18, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amaayeh*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


"by telling her that 'only the people coming from Mexico don't circ.' " talk about toally unprofessional and highly biased....


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## lizzie (Dec 5, 2001)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amaayeh*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


It's a shame your SIL didn't think to ask if he could recommend any OBs from Mexico, so she could go to a doc who would respect her choices.


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *raelize*
> 
> i imagine a bigger problem could be that your circ'd boys grow up and ask why you inflicted it upon them but not on their brother. why was he the special one?


It's not difficult to have an age appropriate circumcision talk, I don't think.


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## amaayeh (Jan 26, 2008)

Yes, this OB was extremely biased and inappropriate and was the entire reason I went from OB care to a midwife. Thinking of him makes my skin crawl.


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## Tinijocaro (Jan 4, 2003)

Put it this way: How would you feel if YOU were surrounded by women who were circ'd and you were not? Don't your genitals feel normal to you? Can you even imagine yourself saying, "gee, I wish I didn't have a clitoris like my sisters and mother" You KNOW the benefits of your clitoris, just as your son will know the benefits of his foreskin.

I have two ds's 11- and 15 years old. Both very involved in sports and locker rooms. No issues at all. Although I live in a high circ rate area, over the years I have found that there are at least 7 boys who are intact with a one mile range from our house. Who knows how many others there are.

Feel confident that you are doing the right thing and that your boy(s) will be fine. It will be normal for them.


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## MrsJewelsRae (Aug 19, 2008)

10 years ago, before I was pg with my first, our province actually used to cover circumcision under the provincial health care plan. It gave me the impression that it was necessary, almost like...it had to be done. silly, I know. I'd never even heard of anyone being left au natural. But after I got pg something spurred me to do my research and once I saw what the procedure actually involved I was horrified and immediately decided hell would freeze over before I would allow anyone to do that to my son- even my dh- good for him he agreed with me once I made him watch the video!  All of my friends that have had boys since I had mine, circ'd their sons. My brother planned on circing his sons due to being given false info from a nurse friend of theirs, I gave him a letter full of real info and stats the day his son was born and they gladly changed their mind! I don't feel the least bit sorry for my sons- I feel very PROUD of myself for actually making an informed decision in the best interest of my child, and I feel HAPPY for them that they were spared from such a barbaric custom. Since they were born it has been a total non issue. I was surprised by how normal, whole and even cute it looked!  No one notices (actually wish more would so it could open a dialogue) or says anything, my doctor is British and very pro intact, and I don't worry at all how my boys will fare in a pro circ culture, which is actually quickly becoming more 50/50 what with immigration and the fact that our province no longer covers RIC. I'm sure that the #'s outside my social circle or far more even, I am a conservative Christian and it seems to be taking longer to take hold in my circle, for some reason. Try to change your thinking- be PROUD not to circ. I teach my boys to be proud and accepting of who they are, not in a cocky way, but in a way that will hopefully equip them to stand up to peer pressure and conformity. What kind of message do we send to our children when we put them through a brutal cosmetic surgery so that one day they may not get made fun of? What if it were their skin color they were getting picked on for? Be proud of yourself for making the best decision for your son, don't let ANYone talk down at you for your choice, arm yourself with info and be proud and happy about this! (and make sure you educate any family members that may be changing his diapers that he is to be wiped off like a finger- no matter what!!!- because forced retraction can cause painful adhesions and scarring- if they are disgusted by your son's natural body I wouldn't let them ever change his diaper)


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## MyBoysBlue (Apr 27, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MrsJewelsRae*
> 
> which is actually quickly becoming more 50/50 what with immigration and the fact that our province no longer covers RIC.


Most of Canada is well below 50/50 only Alberta (44%) and Ontario (43%) are close. These numbers are taken from a phone survey about maternity experiences done in 2006. Other statistics that put Canada at 9% (2005) look at only those done in hospital. I haven't seen any more recent statistics. Circumcision hasn't been paid for unless medically necessary in Canada since 1996 I believe, I couldn't find an exact date or when It changed in each province. But the majority stopped paying between 1994 and 1996.


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