# Safety of family bed ? cps issues



## Graceie (Nov 7, 2010)

We have been dealing with CPS issues sense DS was 2 weeks old there was a stuipd report made and they have been nit picking sense " haveing the baby at home meant not prenatal care " not true I had a midwife and prenatal care form 9 week preg , lack of VAX is sign of neglect we proved this wrong thankfully we have a doc who is supportive of the selective VAX . but the last and final thing is over and over they keep telling me how dangerous it is to have my DS in bed with me . I made an informed choice to co sleep got a firm bed even but it doesn't matter it keeps coming up and they want to do " safety checks for the next few month's so I need to show co sleeping was a safe informed decision anyone have any resources ?


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## serenaanderson (Jul 13, 2010)

Bedsharing is so controversial that in this situation I wouldn't even try to argue. I would look on Craigslist or go to a yard sales and buy a cheap crib, or if you can't afford one, you could get one from a pregnancy crisis center. Then I would fix the crib up nicely and let them think what they want.  As long as you pick the baby up from your bed when they come to visit, they never have to know where your baby happens to sleep.

For positive info on cosleeping, look at drsears.com.


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## Graceie (Nov 7, 2010)

thx yes Ive thought of that hate haveing to lie to fit into there cocept of safe parenting


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *serenaanderson*
> 
> Bedsharing is so controversial that in this situation I wouldn't even try to argue. I would look on Craigslist or go to a yard sales and buy a cheap crib, or if you can't afford one, you could get one from a pregnancy crisis center. Then I would fix the crib up nicely and let them think what they want.  As long as you pick the baby up from your bed when they come to visit, they never have to know where your baby happens to sleep.
> 
> For positive info on cosleeping, look at drsears.com.


I agree. Even though I am sure that co-sleeping is safer than having the baby in another room in a crib, if I had CPS in my life, you better believe I would at the very least have a crib set up. It's not something I would even try to argue, considering how easy of a fix it is. You can still co-sleep, but when the social worker comes to your home, you will have an acceptable place for baby to sleep - and that will be one less thing they can hound you about.


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


I also agree, get a crib and set it up in your room. Most CPS will recognize that having the baby in the room with you is the safest option (per AAP recommendations), but arguing with them about the bed itself probably isn't worth it.

And hey, it might come in handy for naptime when you don't want to lay down with the baby the whole time.


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## Sfcmama (Aug 29, 2010)

Hugs to you mama for trying to do the "right" thing. Having worked in the system for a long time, my belief is that decisions are based on cultural values rather facts and research so I'm split on what advice to give. Maybe you can set up a crib AND provide information...?

Here's the link to cosleeping research from the dr sears website:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp#T071003

Good luck!


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

I have principles and am willing to stand up for them, but I agree with the other posters... I'd get a crib and show it to them when they come. Perhaps I would never use it but I would play the game on this one. The stakes are too high and the solution is too easy. You don't have to change your parenting, just get a crib for show and that's it.


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

I agree with the pp. I would set up a crib and then never use it but at least they would be off my behind. That is always one of my fears is that they show up and want to snoop. Everything would pass but that. Good luck and stay strong.


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## Graceie (Nov 7, 2010)

Thanks all now there on me about the Vax secudule . We are doing dr sears but no hep B Chiken pox rotovirus . Ugh I guess I buying a crib


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

Ugh. This type of thread always makes me so mad. I agree with the pps. Get a crib and set it up just in case. I'd look for a cheap one on craigslist. Then homebirth and vax? How are those even CPS issues? It makes absolutely no sense. I'm glad I live in an area where CPS doesn't seem concerned with these things. (Although, we don't have vax exemptions available here, so my kids were vaxed for school.) Also, being a rural state, homebirth was the only way to go in many areas until fairly recently. The mother of one of my friends was a CPM in a rural area where most women homebirthed until the early 90s. My mom is a retired CPS supervisor and she never mentioned our babies/kids sleeping with us. Heck, they still sleep with her when they stay at her house! (They're almost 9 and 6!) I guess in poor, rural areas people don't have choices, so CPS is much more lenient on what they consider to be safety issues.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Get the crib, set it up. Then learn the skill of vague answers, "Yes, we have a place for the baby to sleep" while showing them the bedroom with both the bed and crib set up. Let them come to their own conclusions.

With the Vax, get you pediatrician to write a letter saying that your child is being vaxed on an appropriate schedule for him, based on his evaluation. Can't argue with that.

Next time they come, ask them to stop coming. Ask if they will be taking you to court for removal, and if not, tell them they need to stop showing up, and that you will no longer be letting them into your home.

Finally, if they DO take you to court, get the vaxes. It's NOT worth fighting over that much, especially when the stakes are so high (not to mention, if the child is removed from your home he will be a ward of the state, and will be vaxed anyway).

It's one thing to stand up for your beliefs, and another to put your family at risk b/c of them - stop arguing with CPS, it will get you no where. Do not try to educate them, its not up to the social worker, its up to their supervisor, and you won't necessarily get to meet with them. CPS is not going to change their policies b/c one person wants them to, or b/c one person educates them (about very contentious issues nonetheless - its hard to say who is "right" and who is "wrong" when it comes to co-sleeping and vaxing).


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## Graceie (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes thank you all ugh this is tiring but I guess I get to deal with it now .


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## motherhendoula (Feb 13, 2009)

"How are those even CPS issues? It makes absolutely no sense. I'm glad I live in an area where CPS doesn't seem concerned with these things."

Good point Doodlebugs Mom....doesnt CPS have better things to do? Are they so well staffed that ALL the child abusers have been caught and the children placed and now they have turned their attention to left of center parents? LOL

I was a single mother living in Long Island for a number of years - all I could afford was a one bedroom and I shared a full size bed with my 6 and 3 yr olds for about two years. The funny thing was I wasnt even a huge co-sleeping advocate - we just had no more room!


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

I would get a packnplay with the bassinet insert and put it right next to your bed and tell them that she sleeps there. It will be convincing and you can use it as a playpen as you kid gets older. CPS totally reconizes it as a safe bed for the baby to sleep in.

Sorry you are having to go through this.


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## JMJ (Sep 6, 2008)

If you want to fight this one honestly, you might consider contacting Dr. James McKenna at Notre Dame. I went to a lecture by him last summer, and it sounds like he gets involved in this sort of thing pretty often. He has done a lot of research on why cosleeping is better for your baby. http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/contact.html


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