# Stupid Things People Say at Births....



## janasmama

I thought this would get a laugh or two out of us.

At my sisters hospital birth my mom was holding one of her legs in the stirrups and at one of the moments that the OB paused from saying Push Push Push (mind you my mother and sisters H were yelling Push also) my mom exclaims...."Whew, it's been a long time since I've been a cheerleader!" with a big grin and a little dance.









I was standing next to my sister telling her she was doing great wiping her forehead and thought to myself..."this is why my mom hasn't and will never be allowed at one of my births."

What are some ridiculous statements you have heard about or experienced?


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## bellymama

i was about to go into the OR for an emergency c-section and the nurses were worried about how to get my nightgown (a cheap k-mart one i bought to get nasty while i birthed) off with the IV in. i was like: "cut the m**herf**king nightgown off! who CARES what happens to it!" but they were so concerned.
"it's such a nice nightgown though...you should save it!".
i couldn't believe they were so worried about the ugly nightgown. i finally got them to cut it off.


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## sapphire_chan

I've only read about these and seen them said on TV, but I think they're some of the stupidest things to say to a woman in labor:

"push"

"don't push"


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## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bellymama* 
i was about to go into the OR for an emergency c-section and the nurses were worried about how to get my nightgown (a cheap k-mart one i bought to get nasty while i birthed) off with the IV in. i was like: "cut the m**herf**king nightgown off! who CARES what happens to it!" but they were so concerned.
"it's such a nice nightgown though...you should save it!".
i couldn't believe they were so worried about the ugly nightgown. i finally got them to cut it off.









Oh my gosh! LAME!









You'd think cutting it off would have just been the first thought...what nurse would even think of screwing up an IV just to get dumb nightgown off, especially when you are going in for surgery? duh!


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## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
I've only read about these and seen them said on TV, but I think they're some of the stupidest things to say to a woman in labor:

"push"

"don't push"

I agree and this is what was going on with my sis but I think it is the result of epi's.


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## kitkat5505

When I was in transition with DS#2 (no meds) I was in lots of pain and DH kept saying "It's ok, it's ok" over and over. I finally yelled at him "Shut up!", because I was NOT ok lol. I felt bad for it cuz he looked hurt, but what he was doing was not at all helpful lol.


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## Qestia

Stupid nurse at my birth decided to lecture me then and there about how I shouldn't have been doing kegels while pregnant. I just tried my best to ignore her, but really, even if she was right--which she wasn't--what did she hope to accomplish by telling me that, then?


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~

Some nurse told my sister it was okay for the Dr to do the episiotomy, because 'you're just way too tight, you're going to tear'.

nothing like fear to help relax the perineum, right







:


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## rem88

I have never heard this! What were her reasons for not doing kegels during pregnancy? My OB sends a packet of crap home with us at week 12 and one whole page is about how doing kegels before, during, and after pregnancy is the best thing to do!


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## thatblondegirl

i had a lot of family and friends in the room while i was in labour. i was hooked to a monitor and was having pretty bad contractions. my friend kept looking at the monitor and telling me "OH! here comes another one! OH its a BIG one!!!" i ended up telling my dad to make sure she kept her f-ing mouth shut! lol and i NEVER swear in front of my dad! lol


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## mommathea

With my last baby, he was posterior, and very high up. He was induced. I started pushing through contractions at 8cm to get him to move down and help the cervix dialate. Anyways I had been pushing for about 1/2hr, and heard the nurse tell the ob that she though I would end up needing help because it was taking to long to get the baby out.
Take in mind from a blind induction, I had only been having contractions for 6hrs, and was pretty much dialated, and was just pushing because it felt better.
Needless to say the supportive ob just about kicked her out of the room.
Yea a lady with a posterior baby, induced with pit, no pain meds, and you tell the ob that you don't think she can push the baby out.


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## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thatblondegirl* 
i had a lot of family and friends in the room while i was in labour. i was hooked to a monitor and was having pretty bad contractions. my friend kept looking at the monitor and telling me "OH! here comes another one! OH its a BIG one!!!" i ended up telling my dad to make sure she kept her f-ing mouth shut! lol and i NEVER swear in front of my dad! lol

This one is funny! I can totally picture it in my mind.


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## mommathea

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thatblondegirl* 
i had a lot of family and friends in the room while i was in labour. i was hooked to a monitor and was having pretty bad contractions. my friend kept looking at the monitor and telling me "OH! here comes another one! OH its a BIG one!!!" i ended up telling my dad to make sure she kept her f-ing mouth shut! lol and i NEVER swear in front of my dad! lol


My bil was in the room for about 20 min durring teh middle of my labor with my first. After each contraction he would make the statement, "wow, that was a big one. I don't know how you are doing it."


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## KiansMomma

I was moaning (um...loudly) through some rough transition contractions and my wonderful DH, who was just trying to be supportive said "shhhhh.." In the deepest recesses of my mind, I KNEW he was trying to comfort me, but my mother said that if looks could kill, he would have been a smoldering pile of goo on the floor...lol


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## Romana

The MW asst at my last birth was a "treasure." Granted, she was flustered since she arrived shortly before I started pushing, but it was ridiculous. In between ctx she kept asking me where things from the birth kit were, when we had put everything the midwives had asked for very neatly into two large plastic bins, which dh showed her when she came in. One was full of towels and the other had all the birth supply kit items. At one point, she asked for some piece of paperwork (still have no idea why she wanted it then), which I thought might be in the car, and then I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of the tub dripping wet, in the middle of transition, in horrendous pain, to get to the car (naked, as well) so I can find her this piece of paper. Dh shot her a look (so he tells me later) and she did then apologize for asking for so many things that were unnecessary at the moment.

I suppose it's possible that I seemed more engaged/available than I really was because I was still telling my dh (in btw ctx) how to finish preparing the vegetarian lasagna I had made for the midwives (it was time to add the last layer of cheese and get it in the oven, of course, so it would be ready after the baby was born).

Then only about an hour or two after the birth, when I had expressed to my midwife (and not to the MW asst, but MW must have told her) that I thought giving birth was still awful and was considering a hospital epidural birth if we had another baby, had the gall to come in and tell me that I had a "beautiful home waterbirth" and how much worse a hospital birth would be. Yeah, that's the time to get on my case about how much I hated the experience. Way to support the 1-hour postpartum mother.


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## Belle

At dd#1's birth I was buck naked, sitting on a birth ball, and moaning loudly while a red cross volunteer was trying to get over her own discomfort by asking me questions during contractions. Thinking about her stupid questions only caused me more pain.

"Have you been to the UK in the last 12 months" Me:"I wanna go to Europe"
"Have you had a tattoo in the last 12 months" Me: "Do you see any?"
"Blah, blah blah, more stupid questions that I wasn't paying attention to." Me: "Go away, I need to push"


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## Redifer

I was squatting toad-style at the end of the bed, and the nurse told me "You have to lay back now, because the baby won't come out that way".

Both DH, my MIL and I looked at each other, then at her like she had 5 heads. Um, what?


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## rnchrista

I was laboring with a doula client at home, and we decided it was time to go to the hospital. By the time we got there, it was obvious the baby was on his way very, very soon. The triage nurse asked if her water broke yet, and I said "no, it hasn't, but the baby is about ready to be born". She replied "oh, honey, if her water hasn't broken, she's got a long time still. You just go to the waiting room until we have everything settled". My eyes almost popped out of my head, but I took a seat. 2 or 3 minutes later, she came running out "hurry up, hurry up, you're going to miss the birth" I really had to resist saying "told ya so" lol


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## paquerette

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belle* 
At dd#1's birth I was buck naked, sitting on a birth ball, and moaning loudly while a red cross volunteer was trying to get over her own discomfort by asking me questions during contractions. Thinking about her stupid questions only caused me more pain.

"Have you been to the UK in the last 12 months" Me:"I wanna go to Europe"
"Have you had a tattoo in the last 12 months" Me: "Do you see any?"
"Blah, blah blah, more stupid questions that I wasn't paying attention to." Me: "Go away, I need to push"

Wha?







Were you donating blood or something?


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## Qestia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rem88* 
I have never heard this! What were her reasons for not doing kegels during pregnancy? My OB sends a packet of crap home with us at week 12 and one whole page is about how doing kegels before, during, and after pregnancy is the best thing to do!

It is, the nurse was ignorant. Do your kegels!


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## Llyra

With DD1, it was getting late and I was at around 8 cm and stalled and my mom kept saying to me, "geez, why are you taking so long? Hurry up!" She was joking, and thought it was funny, but it really seriously aggravated me.







: Like somehow I was being rude or inconsiderate of HER by daring to labor late at night.


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## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommathea* 
Needless to say the supportive ob just about kicked her out of the room.

No, that definitely needed to be said, it totally rocks that the OB kicked her out.


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## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rnchrista* 
2 or 3 minutes later, she came running out "hurry up, hurry up, you're going to miss the birth" I really had to resist saying "told ya so" lol

Um, aren't you and the baby the only ones guaranteed to *not* miss the birth?


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## BetsyS

I was loud in labor. Really, really loud. I've attended a lot of births in my day, and I'd put my labor experience on par with the crack addict that was abrupting sort of loud.









I ended up with a c-section, and the next day, a phlebotomist comes in to draw my blood. He's chatting with me, and he told me I "should be happy I had a c-section." Oh, really? "Yes, because yesterday, there was a woman in labor, and she was so loud that the whole hospital could hear her screaming all day long." Um, buddy, that would be me.

He turned about 18 shades of red and couldn't get out of my room fast enough. It still makes me giggle to think about it. LOL


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## Belle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
Wha?







Were you donating blood or something?

Yeah, they wanted me to donate dd's cord blood. They lied and told me the cord wouldn't be cut until it stopped pulsing.


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## rrs

Right after Carter was born, my postpartum nurse realized my mom was also a nurse (she had left the hospital she works at to attend Carter's birth).

My mom mentioned that she had previously worked at the other area hospital. The nurse mentioned that "While that hospital has a really nice L&D floor, they just lost another mom. Postpartum, pretty normal birth." My mom was just like, "Okay, you need to leave."


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## SeekingSerenity

I remember being in labor with my first, lying in a semi-dark room with strict orders to stay on my left side. I was in a lot of pain, obviously, and panting and moaning through each contraction. My H was holding my hand, and after one particularly bad contraction, while I was catching my breath, he sort of laughed and said, "Boy, I guess after this, you won't be having any more babies, will ya??" Butt head.

Kind of the same thing with Baby #4, when I was having my first birth center birth. Different H this time, but when things started really kicking into transition, and I was in the tub with the jets on, he leaned over and said, "Betcha wish you'd done that hospital thing with the epidural now, don't ya?" He's quite lucky I didn't grab the back of his head and drown him in the birth tub right then.







:


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## paquerette

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Um, aren't you and the baby the only ones guaranteed to *not* miss the birth?









But she was the doula! I don't think Nature gives any guarantees there.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belle*
Yeah, they wanted me to donate dd's cord blood. They lied and told me the cord wouldn't be cut until it stopped pulsing.

Doh! I didn't even think of that!








: about the cord cutting.


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## mytwogirls

During the birth of my first daughter I was pushing like a mad woman (the babe was sunny-side up and BIG!) and I had been moaning loudly and being kinda loud. During a quiet moment, my OB ripped a HUGE fart and he (jokingly) blamed it on me saying "Don't push THAT hard." Everyone knew better and he was totally embarrassed. I now work for him and remind him of that "incident" every now and then.


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## thefragile7393

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Kind of the same thing with Baby #4, when I was having my first birth center birth. Different H this time, but when things started really kicking into transition, and I was in the tub with the jets on, he leaned over and said, "Betcha wish you'd done that hospital thing with the epidural now, don't ya?" He's quite lucky I didn't grab the back of his head and drown him in the birth tub right then.







:

I know at the time it wasn't funny but I'm realling LOL'ing here with the picture of you attempting to drown him in the tub.


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## boobyfeeder

I was in labor with DD1, and begging for an epidural. When the anesthesiologist came in, I was in the middle of a contraction. He started telling me about the epi, all the risks, etc that they have to say, and I looked at him and went "Shhhhhhhhh!" just trying to get through the cx. He stopped and said "Do you want this epidural or not?" I could have kicked him if he was close enough. The nurse gave him a dirty look.

During the same birth, the nurse was saying "Pushpushpushpushpushpush" as they do, and all I could think was "Shutupshutupshutupshutup!" I couldn't feel when to push, unfortunately, and ended up with a 2nd degree tear.

During the birth of my DD2, I was at home, with my DH and my mom (who was technically not invited, she was at the house in case DD1 woke up and was not supposed to be in the room). I was VERY loud, and mom said to me "I can't hear your daughter! (on the monitor)". I completely ignored her. At that point I didn't care if I woke the whole neighborhood. For the record, DD1 slept through the whole thing.


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## Tuwamare

Okay, I have a couple. During my first birth in the hospital, the nurses kept telling me to be quiet. I was moaning during the contractions. First they told me that I'd hurt my throat if I kept it up... I didn't care. When that didn't work, they told me I was scaring the other mothers and I should be quiet. Grrrrr. It still didn't work.

With one of my homebirths, the baby had been born just a short time before, and I was making one of my many trips to the bathroom. The midwife came with me to check a few things, and decided this was a good time to talk about birth control. Excuse me? I just had a baby! Birth control was the last thing on my mind... my baby was like an hour old! There is a time and place, you know, and I didn't appreciate being treated like I had never heard of bc before!


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## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
, "Boy, I guess after this, you won't be having any more babies, will ya??" Butt head.

"Betcha wish you'd done that hospital thing with the epidural now, don't ya?" He's quite lucky I didn't grab the back of his head and drown him in the birth tub right then.







:

So you're attracted to mates with suicidal tendencies?


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## thefragile7393

laughup I agree! Both sound obnoxious but with that 2nd one I'd have a hard time not drowning him in the pool either.


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## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
During the birth of my first daughter I was pushing like a mad woman (the babe was sunny-side up and BIG!) and I had been moaning loudly and being kinda loud. During a quiet moment, my OB ripped a HUGE fart and he (jokingly) blamed it on me saying "Don't push THAT hard." Everyone knew better and he was totally embarrassed. I now work for him and remind him of that "incident" every now and then.

From what you've said of your OB, I half wonder if he actually was saying that you pushed hard enough to make *him* fart.


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## Baby Makes 4

I was 19 when my first baby was born. I managed 20 hours without drugs before I asked for some pain relief.

The nurse's response?

"Next time, use a condom."

She left and never did come back with drugs. She was obviously trying to teach me a lesson.







:


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## wife&mommy

I had a nurse that kept asking me questions DURING CONTRACTIONS (induced contractions with no pain meds). And when I wouldn't answer right away she ketp getting mad and telling me I had to answer. OMG I wanted to smack her! Luckily my doula spoke up about that.


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## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KiansMomma* 
I was moaning (um...loudly) through some rough transition contractions and my wonderful DH, who was just trying to be supportive said "shhhhh.." In the deepest recesses of my mind, I KNEW he was trying to comfort me, but my mother said that if looks could kill, he would have been a smoldering pile of goo on the floor...lol


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## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
During the birth of my first daughter I was pushing like a mad woman (the babe was sunny-side up and BIG!) and I had been moaning loudly and being kinda loud. During a quiet moment, my OB ripped a HUGE fart and he (jokingly) blamed it on me saying "Don't push THAT hard." Everyone knew better and he was totally embarrassed. I now work for him and remind him of that "incident" every now and then.

This one totally made me laugh out loud!


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## PatienceAndLove

My little sister (16 at the time) walked into the birthing room just as Vivi was crowning. She looked over and her eyes about bugged out of her head and said "is it supposed to do THAT?" and ran out of the room. I may have been sedated and pushing, but I cracked up.
She claims she's still scarred for life.


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## snsb

I was in the middle of labor with my 1st (no meds). I was dry heaving and sweating and having chills, contractions every few minutes. I looked at my dh and said hopefully, "maybe this is transition." He replied, "I think it is gonna get a lot worse!" Some coach! He didn't want me to get my hopes too high!


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## janasmama

I am loving these!


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## Queen of my Castle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
I was 19 when my first baby was born. I managed 20 hours without drugs before I asked for some pain relief.

The nurse's response?

"Next time, use a condom."

She left and never did come back with drugs. She was obviously trying to teach me a lesson.







:









Holy Cow- that makes me want to slap her NOW. You should have complained, that's insane and completly unaccepatable. You poor thing.







:


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## MamaChicken

As I'm pushing, the MW asks if I want her to break my water. I said no and she was fine with that - the nurse on the other hand was freaked out! She actually asked "but what happens if the water doesn't break on it's own?".

I giggled.


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## jessjgh1

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaChicken* 
As I'm pushing, the MW asks if I want her to break my water. I said no and she was fine with that - the nurse on the other hand was freaked out! She actually asked "but what happens if the water doesn't break on it's own?".

I giggled.

Actually, for my first birth I asked what they did and was told that they typically break the water at some point before pushing. When I asked why she told me because if they don't the water pops and explodes all over the hospital room leaving a big mess. (or something like that).
i remember feeling a little unsettled by it, but my water broke at home.

And for the record, w/ dd, the midwife just put an extra pad down when she thought it was about to burst (I'd been pushing for a whlle), warned everyone and things probably did make a bit of a mess- but it wasn't like the whole room needed hazmat... lol.

This is a great thread...

Jessica


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## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaChicken* 
As I'm pushing, the MW asks if I want her to break my water. I said no and she was fine with that - the nurse on the other hand was freaked out! She actually asked "but what happens if the water doesn't break on it's own?".

I giggled.

This would be referred to as "being born in the caul." There are lots of old wives tales that go along with what this means....I've heard that the person born in the caul will never drown (which is good because I was born in the caul and I love whitewater rafting and kayaking.) I've also heard it means the person will have some kind of very loving, nurturing profession (i.e. midwife, doula, etc.)

I wonder if anyone else know what some of the tales are for being born in the caul.


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## eggsandpancakes

with my second, i went to the hospital 5 cm and ready to go. The nurse was lovely, and just left me alone to have the baby. When the doctor finally showed up at 9+ cm, he busted out with "this natural childbirth stuff sounds good in the books, but doesn't always work out that way in reality". . . . 45 minutes later i had a nursing baby. No tears, no hemorrhoids, no drugs. What, exactly, didn't work out?


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## jennica

My midwife said "I have to break the water now" and I asked why. She said, "because I can see it right there".







I'm still trying to figure that one out.


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## paquerette

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janasmama* 
I wonder if anyone else know what some of the tales are for being born in the caul.

You're also supposed to have the Second Sight, and generally be very lucky.

This may actually be the reason that AROM makes me so mad. No one should have the right to deprive a baby of their destiny like that.


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## New_Natural_Mom

Don't bear down!

Um, yeah. Right. I'll get right on that


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## New_Natural_Mom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janasmama* 
I agree and this is what was going on with my sis but I think it is the result of epi's.


Usually they say don't push to help prevent tears. OK, having total pp brain, is tears spelled right? Tear, as in rip?


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## 98741

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
I was 19 when my first baby was born. I managed 20 hours without drugs before I asked for some pain relief.

The nurse's response?

"Next time, use a condom."

She left and never did come back with drugs. She was obviously trying to teach me a lesson.







:

i doula for teen moms and if i heard anything like this i fear for what i would do! i'm so sorry that happened to you!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *snsb* 
I was in the middle of labor with my 1st (no meds). I was dry heaving and sweating and having chills, contractions every few minutes. I looked at my dh and said hopefully, "maybe this is transition." He replied, "I think it is gonna get a lot worse!" Some coach! He didn't want me to get my hopes too high!

eek, i understand his reasoning but holy cow!









when i had dd in a hospital i was on a birth stool on a bed (heaven forbid we inconvience anyone to sit on the floor) so i'm like up on this pedestal in the middle of the room stark naked and pushing uncontrolable and painfully with a posterior baby and the room floods with randoms and a nurse asks "are you ready to get down and be delivered?" i looked at her with a look of disbelief and complete irritation and said "what!?! NO!" it's one of my favorite parts of my birth video


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## MKury

I absolutely LOVE my mw, and she was really cute as I was laboring on the birth stool. She was sitting on the floor under me and said, "Mary, you have a bulging bag of waters. I'm just going to cover myself with this chux pad- is that okay?" I didn't care obviously, but I'm so glad she did. With my next push, the entire wall behind her got drenched, but she stayed nice and dry. So sweet of her not to want to offend me!!


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## JesseMomme

I'm definitely getting a kick out of some of these!


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## diamond lil

Some of these are funny, but at the same time I feel really sad that some of these weird things were said in the first place. Especially the one about the poor laboring mom asking for some pain relief and the nurse saying to use a condom next time. How awful. I would have thrown something at her.

Can you get kicked out of a hospital for throwing things at nurses? I can totally see myself doing that.


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## mleavell

I had a transfer to a hospital from my birth center. Ended up needing a c-section. The nurse came in to get me ready and asked if I was ready for my "happy-dural." Uh, no. I am not happy about this, just give it to me. Later, some male doctor (I think it was an MD) made a comment about me getting a "perineal bypass." You know, even if I had chosen these things, that is not appropriate talk.


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## Noisette's_Maman

With DD (my first) I had labored for a while, stupidly gotten the epidural which didn't work to ease the pain but made my hands numb, pushed when they told me, had a few attempts at vacuum extraction---it was a teaching hospital and it seemed like everyone got a turn, when they finally decided that the baby's head was cocked funny and I needed a c-section because her heart rate was wonky.

As I was being wheeled to the OR, two nurses who were helping to push the guerney had the following conversation...

Nurse 1 "You know she pushed for a while, that baby's really going to be down there and when they open her up one of us may have to push the baby back up from her vagina so the doctor can pull the baby out"

Nurse 2 "Well I've never done that before but if you think I can, I'll try"

Me "I can hear you!"

Ugh. I practically blacked out at that point and have no idea how DD got out of me...but she was beautiful and healthy (and I had a great VBAC with DS three yeas later).


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## Tizzy

One stupidly annoying nurse said to me after I repeatedly requested the chux pad be change after they did AROM and it felt awful to be laying in a puddle - "There's no dignity in childbirth honey!" Ooooh that made me so mad because it was NOT my idea to be there in the first place!

FWIW I felt quite dignified for my next birth in my own bathroom









Although one thing - I was experiencing extreme hip pain and my last straw of hope was to put peppermint oil on my hips. I asked DH to go get it and he hollers from the kitchen "It says not to use if pregnant." I told him "just bring me the damn stuff already and I'll put it on myself!" lol


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## attachedmamaof3

My middle son's birth was EXTREMELY precipitous and at one point, my husband was on the phone telling the MW to HURRY...(I'd reached up inside and touched the baby's head/amniotic sac)...he comes running into the bathroom where I am on hands/knees and says "The MW says DON'T PUSH!"

I said (honestly trying not to push) "I'm TRYING not to push but my body is MAKING me!" He ran back to the phone and apparently passed that message on verbatim.

Whelp, to make a short story even shorter, about 10 minutes later--AFTER the baby was born, my MW runs in with one shoe on, bursts through the door, storms down the hallway and sees me in bed nursing.

The look on her face was priceless and she goes (kind of in a mock angry voice) "I thought I told you NOT to push."


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## mytwogirls

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
From what you've said of your OB, I half wonder if he actually was saying that you pushed hard enough to make *him* fart.









Yeah, he is so funny when it comes to that. He said the other day he thought of that incident and he laughed out loud at himself. The patient asked what he was laughing about and he said it was a LONG story. I think he made the poor woman self-conscience without meaning to!


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## 98741

Quote:


Originally Posted by *attachedmamaof3* 
My middle son's birth was EXTREMELY precipitous and at one point, my husband was on the phone telling the MW to HURRY...(I'd reached up inside and touched the baby's head/amniotic sac)...he comes running into the bathroom where I am on hands/knees and says "The MW says DON'T PUSH!"

I said (honestly trying not to push) "I'm TRYING not to push but my body is MAKING me!" He ran back to the phone and apparently passed that message on verbatim.

Whelp, to make a short story even shorter, about 10 minutes later--AFTER the baby was born, my MW runs in *with one shoe on*, bursts through the door, storms down the hallway and sees me in bed nursing.

The look on her face was priceless and she goes (kind of in a mock angry voice) "I thought I told you NOT to push."


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## llamalluv

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
Actually, for my first birth I asked what they did and was told that they typically break the water at some point before pushing. When I asked why she told me because if they don't the water pops and explodes all over the hospital room leaving a big mess. (or something like that).


Um....that happens even if they DO "break the water." My mom says my father got SOAKED during her labor with me - they induced with pit., then stripped membranes, and finally broke the water - and she said it hit the ceiling. That's what they get for trying to pry me out early.







(I was allegedly 44 weeks, but I only weighed 8 pounds)


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mleavell* 
I had a transfer to a hospital from my birth center. Ended up needing a c-section. The nurse came in to get me ready and asked if I was ready for my "happy-dural." Uh, no. I am not happy about this, just give it to me. Later, some male doctor (I think it was an MD) made a comment about me getting a "perineal bypass." You know, even if I had chosen these things, that is not appropriate talk.

I would've written a letter to the hospital. You're having major surgery and they're making up cutesy, unprofessional names for things? Not acceptable.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Little grey mare* 
Although one thing - I was experiencing extreme hip pain and my last straw of hope was to put peppermint oil on my hips. I asked DH to go get it and he hollers from the kitchen "It says not to use if pregnant." I told him "just bring me the damn stuff already and I'll put it on myself!" lol









"I'm not going to *BE* pregnant in another hour!!"







You're having contractions and he's worried about you using something that can induce labor? So cute, so utterly annoying for you.


----------



## g&a

"well, there's our 4am c-section. haha."

not funny. i guess I'm just a statistic.

"the cut is down nice and low, you'll be out in a bikini this summer."

ya. right. and he didn't seem to get it why i wouldn't be in a bikini in a month.

and from my vbac:

me, yelling: "I can feel the baby coming down!"

nurse: "what do you mean by that, I need you to explain..."

this was during one of those transition contractions where your body just starts pushing that baby out.

g.


----------



## Funny Face

A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!







."

Good lord...


----------



## mytwogirls

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moodyred01* 
A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!







." Good lord...

That is just plain MEAN! I would be so pissed off.......


----------



## Funny Face

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
That is just plain MEAN! I would be so pissed off.......









Oh I totally agree. I would have been livid.


----------



## SAHDS

Stupidest thing at my DD's birth:

Right after she came out, my mother looks at me fondly and says, in an annoyingly soothing tone, "Is the pain gone?" I wanted to scream "NOOOOOOO!", I just delivered an 8 lb. baby; of COURSE the pain isn't gone. And here comes the placenta...

Seriously, was she even conscious when she had her children???


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## jumpincholla

After a very short, intense labor when my midwife stood WAY back and didn't help me even when I told her I was crowning, or when the baby came out. I caught dd myself with a 2nd degree tear as I had no idea about slowing down...she's stitching my three tears up (which takes an hour














and she says:

"This is my favorite part!"

Ack! I still can't believe she )#$&#$(%*#($) said that!


----------



## UUMom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SAHDS* 
Stupidest thing at my DD's birth:

Right after she came out, my mother looks at me fondly and says, in an annoyingly soothing tone, "Is the pain gone?" I wanted to scream "NOOOOOOO!", I just delivered an 8 lb. baby; of COURSE the pain isn't gone. And here comes the placenta...

Seriously, was she even conscious when she had her children???

Maybe she had my kind of births? The pain absolutely disappears for me once the head is born. The placenta sliding out feels great...not painful...just really good and awesome. With my last, I even got up and walked into another room to deliver the placenta-- I felt no pain whatsoever after the crowning burning.

Everyone is so different. She was trying , maybe (and maybe she is a mean bitch & just rubbing it in, I don't know) to say something postive or helpful? My mother cried when I was in labor with my first. She felt that empathic. Maybe your mother was grasping at emotional depletion straws?


----------



## Full Heart

When I was in labor with my 2nd my mother said I wasn't in enough pain yet. My dh ran her out of the room. It was my most difficult labor. HB transfer, 36 hours long. Transfered after 12 hours stuck at 7 cm. Yea I wasn't in enough pain







:

At my last birth I guess I was pretty funny cause I made everyone crack up a few times. At one point I asked for deodorant and my mw said, "Oh don't worry about us we don't care." I said, "Its not for you, Its for me. I can smell myself."


----------



## AntoninBeGonin

During my natural hospital birth with Little Guy I spent 15 minutes of active labor in a yelling match with the nurses who were insisting I needed both an external electronic fetal monitor and an IV. I told them my regular OB had agreed to a ... what's it called when you just have the start of an IV? And to have the baby checked by doppler once an hour. Unfortunately, my regular OB wasn't there, and the one who was there (who has a 80% cesarean rate







) treated me like a ticking time bomb.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
During the birth of my first daughter I was pushing like a mad woman (the babe was sunny-side up and BIG!) and I had been moaning loudly and being kinda loud. During a quiet moment, my OB ripped a HUGE fart and he (jokingly) blamed it on me saying "Don't push THAT hard." Everyone knew better and he was totally embarrassed. I now work for him and remind him of that "incident" every now and then.









: I love potty humor.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AntoninBeGonin* 
During my natural hospital birth with Little Guy I spent 15 minutes of active labor in a yelling match with the nurses who were insisting I needed both an external electronic fetal monitor and an IV. I told them my regular OB had agreed to a ... what's it called when you just have the start of an IV? And to have the baby checked by doppler once an hour. Unfortunately, my regular OB wasn't there, and the one who was there (who has a 80% cesarean rate







) treated me like a ticking time bomb.









And I'll bet they couldn't see a correlation between procedure and c-section rate.


----------



## bvnms

When I was having Beverly and the nurses kept yelling at me to stop pushing because the doctor wasn't there yet.





















: He got there 2 minutes after she was born.


----------



## janasmama

It's so funny how so many people, including RN's (of all people you'd think they would at least know) think that a doctor is actually needed when a baby comes out. Like if there was actually some kind of emergency you are already in the hospital, the nurses know how to call someone, right?

After having babies and feeling the urge to push, I could never tell a laboring mother not to push. Although this time I am going to try with all my might to breath the baby down when I feel the pushing urge.


----------



## LucyRev

I walked into the hospital at 9cms, and my body had already started involuntarily pushing. As soon as I got into a room I start ripping my clothes off, and a nurse holds out a cup and says.....

"can you submit a urine sample?"








: I said NO!







: I guess she was used to gals sauntering in during early labor. My midwife came in and rescued me soon after that









During DD1's birth, a nurse kept saying "don't forget why you're doing this!" I really wanted to knock her out. How could I forget that I'm birthing my child and not just taking a crap or something? duhhh!


----------



## prairiemommy

While my last baby's head was crowning:

OB: Wow, that's some scar! Have you ever had a bad tear! What was that, a third degree?

MW: No, she had a fourth degree tear with her first, second with her second and first with her third.

Like hello people - pushing here! Could we leave my wonderfully exciting history out of it until the baby's out? Nothing like that little list of stats to instill confidence.









Just FTR, I did not tear.

Or with my second the nurse told me that I should get my epidural now (11 at night) b/c "the anesthesiologist is going to go home" and if I want it later on in the night I'd "have to wait longer."









And with my first:

The vacuum extractor kept losing suction and they realized there was a leak in the tube or something. So the anesthesiologist said, "Just give me a roll of duct tape and I can build you a vacuum extractor!" which actually made me laugh.

This was also a teaching hospital so I got to hear the list of body parts that had to be put back when they were stitching me up - ie: "Just put the sphincter back there and give it some stitches....". I looked at Dh and said, "They didn't just say that did they? They really don't mean mine, do they??". I was floored. And the parade of med students in to see the fourth degree tear was oh so pleasant too in the days to come (cue OB saying, "And _this_ is what a fourth degree tear looks like!").


----------



## SalmonBayDoula

I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....

"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon


----------



## janasmama

What the....?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SalmonBayDoula* 
I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....

"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon


----------



## JessicaS

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SalmonBayDoula* 
I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....

"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon

Did she then try and explain to your client that she was feeding her baby with her DIRTY PILLOWS!!! AAHHH!!!


----------



## pixiepunk

Quote:

I was experiencing extreme hip pain and my last straw of hope was to put peppermint oil on my hips. I asked DH to go get it and he hollers from the kitchen "It says not to use if pregnant."
holy cow did that make my LOL!!!


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## Daniel's Kitty

I will always remember the midwife telling me not to push as she is trying to get gloves on and me telling her I wasn't. And then I felt the placenta fall out and she couldn't believe it she was telling me all about the women who scream trying to deliver the placenta.
It may just be funny to me though.


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## channelofpeace

I had what ended up being a 43 hour induction from the time i got into the hospital to baby in arms. And i slept horribly the night before. Going in hour, probably 29ish, my dh was telling me how he was tired and was laying his head down between contractions and not responding right away when they started.

Riiiiiiight, _he_ was tired









(Although, in his defense, he had a nasty cold and the cafeteria food gave him intestinal ills. But it wasn't really the optimal time to be comparing how bad he felt)


----------



## starshine1001

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Little grey mare* 
One stupidly annoying nurse said to me after I repeatedly requested the chux pad be change after they did AROM and it felt awful to be laying in a puddle - "There's no dignity in childbirth honey!" Ooooh that made me so mad because it was NOT my idea to be there in the first place!

Same exact thing happened to me!! Da*n nurses...I AM a nurse, and I can't believe one of my own did that to me.

Also, at the birth of my last DS, a friend of mine said "OMG, Jess!! You DID it!!" What was I going to do...NOT do it??


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janasmama* 
This would be referred to as "being born in the caul." There are lots of old wives tales that go along with what this means....I've heard that the person born in the caul will never drown (which is good because I was born in the caul and I love whitewater rafting and kayaking.) I've also heard it means the person will have some kind of very loving, nurturing profession (i.e. midwife, doula, etc.)

I wonder if anyone else know what some of the tales are for being born in the caul.

It seems I've heard one that says you'll have special spiritual gifts if you're born in the caul.

I love these, even if I've wanted to smack a few people. No idiot statements from my own experience to add. Sorry.


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prairiemommy* 
While my last baby's head was crowning:

OB: Wow, that's some scar! Have you ever had a bad tear! What was that, a third degree?

MW: No, she had a fourth degree tear with her first, second with her second and first with her third.

Like hello people - pushing here! Could we leave my wonderfully exciting history out of it until the baby's out? Nothing like that little list of stats to instill confidence.









Just FTR, I did not tear.

Brother! They didn't bother to notice the pattern, right? 4,2,1,0


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SalmonBayDoula* 
I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....

"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon

The first part of your post reminded me. With DD1, I was planning a home birth. When I was in labor, I craved a bath. When my husband left to get the MW (our phone was disconnected), he told me not to take a bath unless the MW said it was okay. When he came back, he said the MW had said not to take a bath! (No, my water hadn't broken - First birth - only been in labor 5 hours or less - not even in much pain yet). I wish I was more rebellious (like I am now). I'd have just taken one.








If I had I probably wouldn't have had the c-section.


----------



## frontierpsych

I had to have a blood transfusion for PP hemorrhage (HB transfer, doc decided, oh, let's just reach my arm into your uterus to grab the placenta, that can't hurt, right?) I lost a lot of blood and after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter." Ugh, if I wasn't so busy trying not to bleed to death I would have kicked his teeth out.


----------



## honeybee

At the hospital birth with my first, the resident's words after checking me in triage were: "What is that cheesy discharge?... Oh, it's the head!" Then he went on and on the rest of the birth about how he'd "never" seen a head in triage before.







He was also pretty shocked an hour later when he came in to check me again and I was complete. "Um... somebody call Dr. Z fast!" The same punk resident wouldn't "let" me leave the hospital -after my own doc had discharged me- until I could prove I could walk down the hall on my own.

But sometimes I just think birth attendants can't win for losing. Something that would otherwise be innocuous can just be so damn annoying when you're in labor. At my homebirth, my mom and friend arrived while I was in the midst of a very fast and intense labor. My friend got there first and said "Wow! Those are really close together already!" Panting from my spot on the floor, I just thought "You think?" My mom, trying to be helpful, said "Should you be breathing like that? Isn't there a certain way you're supposed to breathe?" That REALLY annoyed me, for some reason.

I think I'm going to give a specific script to my birth team for this next birth. Here are the ONLY things they're allowed to say (inbetween contractions)

--Answer a direct question by me.
--Tell me how great I'm doing.
--Ask me if I would like a drink or if I want a wet washcloth or need anything.

All other commentary is prohibited!


----------



## LucyRev

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter."

That is absolutely horrible! I hope you wrote a letter of complaint. That man is lucky you didn't kick his teeth out, because he deserved it!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeybee* 
But sometimes I just think birth attendants can't win for losing. Something that would otherwise be innocuous can just be so damn annoying when you're in labor.

I think I'm going to give a specific script to my birth team for this next birth.

Yeah, I think you're right. When I was in labor with my first, my mom and DH were standing on either side of me having a conversation about something while I was in transition. Just the fact that they were speaking aloud was insanely irritating. Once I regained my ability to talk, I told them both to "Please shut up!"







They both laughed (and obeyed) because I never talk to them like that.


----------



## gwerydd

i had just had a c-section due to severe pre-e 12 hours earlier, my dd is in the NICU, i haven't seen her since birth. two nurses are drawing my blood and we're chatting. i mentioned that pre-e is hereditary in my family (my mom had it twice) and one of the nurses says "well if you knew it was hereditary you should have adopted."







:


----------



## boobyfeeder

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
I lost a lot of blood and after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter." Ugh, if I wasn't so busy trying not to bleed to death I would have kicked his teeth out.









I hope you wrote a letter of complaint, that is HIGHLY inappropriate!


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## A_Random_Phrase

Okay, I know this is not the UC forum, but UC (totally alone) is looking better all the time.


----------



## *Aimee*

I had an epi with my first after 28 hours of back labor. Ended up in labor for a total of 31 hours, everything went fine.

With my second I had contractions but they didnt really hurt. They were annoying but I could talk through them. I had A LOT of bloody show so DH made me call our dr. He said to come and get checked. The Triage nurse said I wasn't in enough pain to be in real labor and that it was too soon (3 weeks early, even though I told her my other son came 4 weeks early) My contractions were lasting 1 min and were 2 min apart. I live 45 min away so I didn't want to drive home just to come back. I was dilated to a 4 so the dr admitted me (I had polyhydraminos).

Then I ended up going from a 6 to a 10 in thirty min. When I was pushing I kept saying "OMG! This hurts!!" like all surprised. the dr and DH were like "Um, yeah...its CHILDBIRTH" but because of my epi last time I hadn't felt anything









Also I am one of those people that as soon as the baby is born I don't hurt and delivering the placenta feels good.


----------



## ~Boudicca~

this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?

Seriously. I will never ever let him live that one down.


----------



## veronicalynne

I was in transition at home with dd2, and we were frantically trying to get out of the house to the hospital....my husband was obviously freaking:

Me (on hands and knees on floor): grooooaaaaan!
Hubby: Why don't you have the shoes and coats ready to go!!!!!
Me (with major killing look/sarcasm: NOW is NOT the time to discuss house cleaning!!!!!


----------



## rmzbm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abimommy* 
Did she then try and explain to your client that she was feeding her baby with her DIRTY PILLOWS!!! AAHHH!!!


















: My DH calls 'em that.


----------



## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeydee* 
this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?

Seriously. I will never ever let him live that one down.


----------



## AntoninBeGonin

I remembered another one. My son's hospital birth was very fast. I spent 4 hours in labor and 1/2 an hour pushing before he was born. The doctor on call insisted that I had to have an external EFM so that I was practically on a tether and could barely walk around. She didn't even come into the room to meet me and DH until I was ready to push. I had planned to push squatting because I'd read all the advantages but between the blur of labor, the yelling match with the nurses, the external EFM jerking me back everytime I started walking (I almost broke it several times), I completely forgot I wanted to squat and just jumped up on the bed when the nurses got it ready. I had a doula, but she didn't bother to remind me of my birth plan either. Nice person, but wasn't much of a doula.

So, anyhow, I jumped up on the bed and pushed with all my might to force Little Guy out in 30 minutes. Ended up with a tear (imagine that). Little Guy crowned, then the doctor yanked him out which is what caused the tear. Next thing I know I'm trying to watch where my baby is going and the doctor asks out of the blue "Do you want drugs?" I answered "No" thinking why are you asking, I've made it clear this is a drug-free birth. Turns out she was asking if I wanted topical anesthesia before she sewed up my tear. She started sewing me up without any pain relief and I looked around frantically and yelled "What the F--- is she doing!" She was nice enough to give me pain relief after that







.


----------



## janasmama

^ This is funny...(well, not really funny) but it reminds me of when I had to get a couple of stitches. My MW was recommending I get a couple and I told her "no, I don't think I could take any more pain for one day." She was like, "uh, I'm going to give a local." So then I decided it was okay and when I was feeling just a little bit of pressure I was like "I can feel that" (spoken loudly.)


----------



## newmama8824

When I was in transition my Aunt came in and I was probably around a 6. She kept telling me "Push, It's gotta do something. Push, just push a little." Finally I said, "I'll push when I'm friggin' ready, ok?!" and I had my doula make her leave the bathroom.

Sooooooo annoying.























Oh yeah, said Aunt also came was there during transition and pushing. I was having her and my doula rub each leg. I would push probably every 5-15 minutes, I just waited for the urge, in between she kept telling me to push. When I was pushing she kept telling me to push.

She was alllllll about some pushin'.


----------



## SheepNumber97245

I was in the middle of helping my first client (and a good friend) as a doula, using hypnosis. I instructed everyone not to say the words "hurt" or "pain". Her boyfriend's grandmother came in the room and was really bothering her. Chatting up a storm about how she had 5 kids. Then she said, "And don't let anyone tell you it doesn't hurt!..." RIGHT in the middle of one of her contractions. I could have f*ing choked her....


----------



## 98741

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veronicalynne* 
I was in transition at home with dd2, and we were frantically trying to get out of the house to the hospital....my husband was obviously freaking:

Me (on hands and knees on floor): grooooaaaaan!
Hubby: Why don't you have the shoes and coats ready to go!!!!!
Me (with major killing look/sarcasm: NOW is NOT the time to discuss house cleaning!!!!!









this reminds me of my first birth. we were pulling into the hospital and i was in advanced labor, total laborland to get thru contractions in the car (8 in triage and done in an hour). my dh pulls into the alley instead of the parking lot and has the b*lls to say "why didn't you tell me that's not the parking lot!" when i finished the contraction i replied with "because my f-ing eyes were closed!"


----------



## SAHDS

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
Maybe she had my kind of births? The pain absolutely disappears for me once the head is born. The placenta sliding out feels great...not painful...just really good and awesome. With my last, I even got up and walked into another room to deliver the placenta-- I felt no pain whatsoever after the crowning burning.

That is amazing. I wish I had those births myself. DD wasn't too bad, except the pain was fairly great and I lost a ton of blood. I couldn't walk myself to the bathroom for 2 days. DS's birth was beyond miserable. I tore all the way through my muscle with that heifer, LOL.

Quote:

Everyone is so different. She was trying , maybe (and maybe she is a mean bitch & just rubbing it in, I don't know) to say something postive or helpful? My mother cried when I was in labor with my first. She felt that empathic. Maybe your mother was grasping at emotional depletion straws?
Oh, I know she was trying but, at the time, I thought she was insane. She definitely did her sharing of crying too. She video taped the birth and, right after DD came out, the camera swoops down to my mom's feet for a good 45 seconds because she was so overwhelmed she nearly dropped it. Her toes looked great, though









Looking back, it's just such a funny thing to say to someone.


----------



## ~sweet pea~

These are all really funny, but OMG do the DH/DPs take the cake!


----------



## Novella

WELL. . . .

At my first birth, my doctor (who I otherwise quite liked) seemed to straying a bit too far toward a comedian role. I had dropped to my knees and was resting on my forearms on the hospital room floor (didn't make it from bathroom back to the bed between the contractions). My doctor just happened to come into the room at that moment and said something cheeky and mildly sarcastic about how things things were coming along. *Not* appreciated!

My daughter was born about 3 hours later and I had a tear that he explained was "just barely second degree". I had pushed for about 40 minutes. She was 9lbs 14.25oz. and beautiful and perfect and content. As the doctor was stitching me up, he said (in a mildly humourous tone), "I bet you don't want to do _that_ again anytime soon!" I didn't know if he meant: having a tear, being in labour, pushing a baby out. It just seemed so out of place. I was so high on birth hormones that I felt like happily shouting, "You betcha' I would! I'd have another baby next week if it could work that way".

Then the next morning, the discharge nurse was yakking about perineal care and talking about how I had "_quite_ a tear!" I knew my doctor had explained that it was so very minorly into the muscle that it was almost a shame to write down "2nd-degree tear" but that technically it was. She didn't know that. But I was pretty sure she _did_ know what 3rd and 4th degree tears were so I thought her comment was a little







:

I find the medical staff often have to put in little digs or other such comments to reassure themselves about how essential their roles are.

At my last birth (twins) we delivered at an unplanned hospital with an on-call doctor we'd never met. We arrived at the hospital 40 minutes before the first birth. Doctor arrrived about 10 minutes later. We spent most of that 30 minutes arguing with her. This included her telling me authoritatively that I _had to_ lay back in the bed because that was the only way she knew how to deliver a breech baby (second twin). I said, "Oh, so you've delivered a breech before?" Ummmmm. . . . nope! (Kind of a stupid things to say then, when you are arguing your book research against a parent's book research and the parent obviously knows a lot more specifics than you do).

My *very favourite*, though, was when she was checking me out after the boys were born so easily. Palpates my abdomen and feels compelled to "tsk-tsk" while telling me that I'm really going to have to do a lot of exercises because my abdominal muscles are separated enough that she can set two fingers between them. _You think?!_ I just carried 2 babies worth 14.5lb and their ancillary support systems to a healthy birth at 39weeks and 4days. I had to battle doctors all the way (including you, just an hour ago!) and you think I am surprised or even care that my abdominal muscles aren't at their finest?! Yeesh!!


----------



## veronicalynne

"I find the medical staff often have to put in little digs or other such comments to reassure themselves about how essential their roles are."

Oh yeah.... I can relate to that. I had forgotten (I was in transition and wanting to push so I can be forgiven for not remembering) that with dd2, apparently the emptying your bowels b4 labor didn't happen for me and I did "something" while I was trying to push.....the stupid nurse had to make a comment about how much there was. Like hello!!!!! It happens to alot of women at this time and the nurse (L&D) should be used to it. My doula was so angry but to be honest, I didnt care I had more important things to worry about







But now that I am pregnant again, I am getting worried about it


----------



## Spark

These are just SO funny!









Just have this to add--
During our 2nd birth, my husband & I were laboring away in the bathroom together. I was in transition and really working hard. And, in the seconds between two ctx, he smiled so big & said as sweetly as a cherub, "Remember, this is the fun part!"


----------



## LucyRev

Just after I'd just been stitched up after having my first daughter, (who had been rushed to the NICU because she was early and having breathing problems) a nurse asked me, "how do you like your new flabby belly?" I said actually I hadn't even had a chance to check it out.







: I wish I'd given her an equally rude come back. Like, "Oh it's just great. How do you like yours?"









Then later a nurse asked "where is your baby?". She was in the NICU hooked up to monitors and oxygen and I had come back to take a quick shower. I couldn't even answer her. I just started sobbing.

When I finally could bring her out of the NICU for a while, another nurse said, "Oh wow! She looks just like a *normal* baby." I guess she meant that she didn't really look like a preemie, but I did not take that very well.


----------



## mntnmom

With DS1 (3rd babe) we rushed into L&D, no time for IV or anything. I was already a 10 and got the on call OB. In her defense, there was another lady laboring down the hall, but everytime she came in to "check our progress" she would swab me with betadine, without warning me first. When I gasped she said
"I'm sorry, you're just so calm I forgot you don't have an epidural"


----------



## honeybee

Those last couple of posts reminded me of one pp nurse. I had a relatively quick, unmedicated birth with my first. There were a few minor glitches, but I felt really strong and capable after his birth. I did have a 3rd degree tear, my IV was compromised, and I was anemic (no hemorrage, just really low iron). A nurse trying to be sympathetic said something along the lines of, "Wow, you've just had so many complications, you poor thing." I was just shocked. I'd read all about hospital interventions and complications beforehand, and felt I'd done really well.


----------



## junipermuse

Quote:


Originally Posted by *milkydoula* 
I had what ended up being a 43 hour induction from the time i got into the hospital to baby in arms. And i slept horribly the night before. Going in hour, probably 29ish, my dh was telling me how he was tired and was laying his head down between contractions and not responding right away when they started.

Riiiiiiight, _he_ was tired









(Although, in his defense, he had a nasty cold and the cafeteria food gave him intestinal ills. But it wasn't really the optimal time to be comparing how bad he felt)

This is exactly why I want a doula with my next birth because to my husband it doesn't matter if I'm the one doing most of the work, if he's tired that's all that matters.


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## anne1140

My mom had natural births will all 4 kids, and with my brother, she tore. The person who stitched her up didn't use any pain relief, and my mom started screaming. The person made a nasty comment about how she just went through childbirth, so she shouldn't be complaining about this.







:







:







:


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## natural_momma

As I'm on the toilet (peeing, mind you), the MW bursts through the bathroom door. "You're not PUSHING, are you?" Um, no, god forbid, but if I do, you'll be the first to know.


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## Celticqueen

This isn't really something funny that was "said" but what was done...

My baby had just been born. So after they put the baby on my chest and I was exclaiming in joy about it, I looked in front of my only to see my mom, mother in law, midwife and husband 3 feet from my vagina staring intently at it with their mouths open in shock.

Can you imagine?? Finally I said, "Um, look at my baby, not my vagina!"

They didn't respond.

So it was funny to me until this point because, seriously, is my vagina really more interesting than a baby that just came out of it??

Turns out it was actually the fact that I was bleeding uncontrollably from uterine atony (uterus exhaustion from pitocin- was too exhausted to contract down so had I not gotten immediate medical help, I would have bled to death).

So obviously THAT wasn't funny







But seeing 4 heads staring at my crotch and not my baby was alittle odd...

Just alittle, right?

-Caitrin


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## RedPony

With the birth of my first daughter, there were only two people there, DH and the midwife, so not much was said that I'd call "stupid". Irritating, maybe, as DH reminded me while I was on hands and knees in the bathroom that "you shouldn't push until the midwife gets here" not something I wanted to hear when I was CONVINCED DD was well on her way! (Turns out it took me three hours to push her out.







) My midwife did say to let her know when I felt crampy after the birth because that would be the placenta. I did, and she replies, well, you'll have to wait (to push), I'm doing such and such (baby had mild respiratory distress). Talk about mixed messages!

My second DD was born still in the hospital, so everything anyone said was pretty stupid at the time. The real gems included, "You may not be in labor." and "Here's the list of interventions we can help you with." Um, I was at a FIVE when I got there and had been contracting for 8 hours by then. The baby came completely naturally an hour later.







: The interventions offered started with INDUCTION. Insanity.


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## mytwogirls

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Celticqueen* 
So it was funny to me until this point because, seriously, is my vagina really more interesting than a baby that just came out of it??

I am glad you are ok! I have a picture taken (I forgot who took it) but it is a picture of my OB, my husband, and two nurses STARING between my legs (it is a side shot so you can't actually SEE my vagina) but they are all staring my crotch after the baby was born. Oh, the insanity of it all.....the funny part is I have it in my daughter's baby book with a caption reading "What is so interesting? No, really, what is so interesting?"


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## Mama Poot

Well, it might have been stupid to some but at the time it was actually helpful. After we finally got rid of the nasty nurse at DS1's birth, an older and much more experienced nurse basically grabbed me and said "If you don't start doing this now you're gonna have a C-section" And this was halfway through a nearly 3 hour pushing phase with a posterior kid. But it was kind of a "No crap, lady I've already been here for 20 hours yeah I know what your policy is!"

I've seen lots of shows on TLC and things like that where they'll have a mom having her 4th or 5th kid and they tell her its "time to push!" or "You're doing it right! Great! Perfect!" Uhhh....she's done this before!


----------



## Mama Poot

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SalmonBayDoula* 
I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....

"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon


We didn't bathe DS2 for over 10 days after his birth at home. Wonder what she'd think of THAT! Seriously-DH kept asking "shouldn't we give him a bath? Just a little bit with water?" I wouldn't let anyone touch him


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## filiadeluna

When I was born, my dad said "It's a BOY!", until the doctor corrected him. He was so hell-bent on the idea that I was going to be a boy, that he didn't even bother to *look*.


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## MammaB21

I was in labor with DD in the hospital/center with midwives for about 24 hours.

Here are a few things that stick out, that were said to me.

My nurse kept telling me, "if you want the tub, you better hurry up becuase there is another mom in the running and she's making a lot more noise then you are." She kept reminding me throuhgout my labor how I was 'behind' in the race to the tub.









(This one is TMI, read at your own risk) During a VERY fast transition, my mom acompanied me to the bathroom to poop. Nobody bothered to close the door. Everyone got a free show to me crying, blubbering to my mom, begging for drugs, and pooping. And this is the moment my mom choses to say to me, "Honey, remember to wipe front to back."







I could have died of embarassment. I know she was trying to be helpfull, but really, I think I know how to whipe for gods sake!!

Right after that my water broke into the toilet and baby was coming, like NOW!! I ran for the tub, (wich up until then I wasn't allowed into because I was hooked up to monitors). As I ran the midwife says, "Why don't you lie on the bed and I'll check you?" I screamed, "NO!" as I leaped one leg after the other over the edge, into the tub, and pushed baby out in about 2 minutes. Ha, check me, what a nut.


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## Marilyn82

Well I have two...the first is after finding out that my serene birth center birth was being turned into a c-section (long story) and I am emotionally distraught and in great turmoil...they separate me from my husband, scrub me down, shave me, give me a spinal and some morphine and literally strap me down on the table and then start freaking out because no one could find my doctor...the anesthesiologist is freaked out that the spinal will wear off because it only works for so long, so he calls my doctor and then returns to me and says "I'm so sorry, but your doctor has already gone home, we are going to have to do this tomorrow" and then when I start SOBBING, he says "just kidding, he just forgot about you, he was on his way home, but he's coming back now"....

yea that was effing priceless....

and then the next day I am trying to breastfeed my nipple-confused son (yea they gave him a pacifier and formula without even telling me, much less giving me the option to BF) and the nicu nurse (who looked like she was about 17) is telling me that I don't even have any milk anyway and that my baby "needs to eat" (cuz apparently colostrum doesn't count as eating) while squirting formula onto my nipple...I wanted to throttle her. Luckily my mom came in and told her to go google breastfeeding and leave us the hell alone....sometimes I love my mom


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## bluegrassgirl

One of the most annoying things my mother and grandmother kept saying to me during my first birth was "now, don't make any noise, save all your energy for pushing that kid out." In fact, my grandmother had the nerve to say, "if you start to scream or cry, I'll slap you because you are wasting all your energy." It got to the point where I was in more pain because I couldn't say anything, I was too scared!

I finally told the nurse to have them step out of the room for a little while (the nurse had them go to the cafeteria for a meal). Once they were gone, I really let go: moaning and humming and making chanting-like sounds during my contractions. That helped out so much! The nurse even complimented me on moaning to relax me more.

Jessie
(single mommy to Angela, 3 years







:and Emma, our angel in heaven







)







:







:





















:







:

We are a pro-nursing family!














:







:







:


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## AutumnMama

When I was giving birth to DD (in the hospital with a CNM), I ended up pushing her head out while sitting on the toilet (had been pushing for 2 1/2 hrs). The CNM then proceeded to tell me that I needed to walk across the room and get on the bed.

My Mom said that everyone who was in the waiting room could hear me say "WHAT!?! Are you CRAZY?!!"
Somehow I managed to do it, and climb up on the bed with DD's head hanging out of me








Then they had me pushing while on my back for several contractions before they realized that "hey, this isn't going to work" and let me flip over to my hands and knees where she promptly came out the rest of the way.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janasmama* 
This would be referred to as "being born in the caul." There are lots of old wives tales that go along with what this means....I've heard that the person born in the caul will never drown (which is good because I was born in the caul and I love whitewater rafting and kayaking.) I've also heard it means the person will have some kind of very loving, nurturing profession (i.e. midwife, doula, etc.)

I wonder if anyone else know what some of the tales are for being born in the caul.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
You're also supposed to have the Second Sight, and generally be very lucky.

This may actually be the reason that AROM makes me so mad. No one should have the right to deprive a baby of their destiny like that.


Interesting...both of my DS's were born in the caul


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## elisent

With my first:
-We were told in childbirth prep class to time contractions for an hour to see how far apart they were before going to the hospital. My husband told me I was "messing up" the contraction timing because I kept forgetting to tell him when a contraction started, so he would have to start the hour over every time I did that.
-When I arrived at the hospital in transition my husband was too embarrassed to park in emergency. He parked way out in the parking lot and told me "Go on ahead! I'll get the stuff and catch up to you!". I came very close to blacking out when a contraction hit when I was halfway up some concrete stairs.
-Then when we were in the room he asked me to please be quieter during contractions because someone might hear me.

With the last birth I loved that several nurses asked me "Are you SURE you're having contractions?" when I was fully dilated and unmedicated.


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## accountclosed3

my client was told by her doctor--during the birth--that she shouldn't have been doing yoga up until the day before she birthed.

of course, my client didnt' believe her, because what do doctors know about yoga? (honestly, not much)

anyway, my client's SIL was there and said something about how she was doing certain arm balances and hand stands the day before, and even during labor to try to allievate the back labor, and the doctor started lecturing her between demanding that she push that she shouldn't have been doing yoga.

forget the fact that my client had "the easiest labor and birth" the doctor had ever seen.







even though she had a lot of back labor.


----------



## Gnatty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anne1140* 
My mom had natural births will all 4 kids, and with my brother, she tore. The person who stitched her up didn't use any pain relief, and my mom started screaming. The person made a nasty comment about how she just went through childbirth, so she shouldn't be complaining about this.







:







:







:

Um... yeah. My tear- stitching and recovery- was more excruciatingly painful than ANY other point in my 25 hour natural labor!

Next time, I'm going to be a lot more specific in my labor prayers!







"Pleeeease no nuchal hand again..."


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## New_Natural_Mom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Little grey mare* 
FWIW I felt quite dignified for my next birth in my own bathroom









Although one thing - I was experiencing extreme hip pain and my last straw of hope was to put peppermint oil on my hips. I asked DH to go get it and he hollers from the kitchen "It says not to use if pregnant." I told him "just bring me the damn stuff already and I'll put it on myself!" lol

OMG - I had such bad hip pain when they were wheeling me through maternity to the OR (had to have c/s after 21 hrs) I was screaming SO LOUDLY I think I scared even the nurses!


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## New_Natural_Mom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
I had to have a blood transfusion for PP hemorrhage (HB transfer, doc decided, oh, let's just reach my arm into your uterus to grab the placenta, that can't hurt, right?) I lost a lot of blood and after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter." Ugh, if I wasn't so busy trying not to bleed to death I would have kicked his teeth out.

I have no words.


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## veronicalynne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *filiadeluna* 
When I was born, my dad said "It's a BOY!", until the doctor corrected him. He was so hell-bent on the idea that I was going to be a boy, that he didn't even bother to *look*.










Omg, I can just imagine my husband saying that.....we have 2 girls and he wants a boy soooo badly.....(but insists he will be happy as long as the baby boy/girl is healthy)

laughup







:


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## sapphire_chan

:
I *have* to UC. If any of this stuff was said to me during birth I'd end up in jail.

Oh! Came up with another really common one:

"let me check your dilation"


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## sunnymw

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 







:
I *have* to UC. If any of this stuff was said to me during birth I'd end up in jail.









:

Most of mine were pre-birth, since DS1's OB's obviously hadn't picked up a medical text or article since graduation in 1960.

Among the prenatal appointments:
"Now, I understand that you want the baby to stay attached to you, by the umbilical cord, so no one will take it. But in order to keep him from bleeding to death we're going to have to at least clamp the cord as soon as he's born."
"I don't know what you're seeing on TV, but that birth in water stuff isn't real... it's dangerous."









In the hospital... "We have to start the antibiotics and pitocin NOW, otherwise the baby could get an infection and die." My membranes had been ruptured for (uh, according to their knowledge) FOUR HOURS at this point. I was having regular (but mild) contractions. I was 4cm. And guess what? After hours of pit, I was STILL at 4cm!!!









Oh and as I was pushing (ala movie style, lithotomy with legs to my ears), for some sick strange reason, someone (MIL? Aunt?) put a CELL PHONE to my ear so I could say HI to my MOM (800 mi away). Hello? Pushing here?!


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## filiadeluna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veronicalynne* 
Omg, I can just imagine my husband saying that.....we have 2 girls and he wants a boy soooo badly.....(but insists he will be happy as long as the baby boy/girl is healthy)

laughup







:


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## darlintxmomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diamond lil* 
Some of these are funny, but at the same time I feel really sad that some of these weird things were said in the first place. Especially the one about the poor laboring mom asking for some pain relief and the nurse saying to use a condom next time. How awful. I would have thrown something at her.

Can you get kicked out of a hospital for throwing things at nurses? I can totally see myself doing that.

i actually did throw the blood pressure cuff at my nurse. it was 8.5 cm and my epi had worn off and DS was presenting really poorly (this is just before my csection) and the stupid blood pressure cuff went off again, only malfunctuned and never released(deflated) and when it didnt read anything, it began to reconstrict even tighter...i was screaming bloody murder and tore the thing off my arm and threw it at the nurse and yelled "GET THAT F-ING THING OFF ME NOW!!!"
she was all panicking saying..."you HAVE to have that on, we HAVE to know your blood pressure at all times"
luckily my anesthesiologist was right there and told her to drop it, I would be fine without it for 5 minutes. I had already had it on me going off every 5 minutes for 19 hours straight. I hate hospitals.


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## natural_momma

sunnymw;11321911"Now said:


> That is one of the more horrifyingly ignorant things I've heard, even from an MD. Are you sure it wasn't a joke? Really? Not a joke???


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## Babytime

I gave birth to DD2 at a teaching hospital and the young doctor was poking my vagina and saying, "push here!" I was like, really, I had no idea!


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## barefootpoetry

Oh, wow. Some of these are genuinely funny, but most of them are funny in the if-you-don't-laugh-you'll-cry way.

I've got a few zingers from DS1's birth to share:

When first showing up to the hospital: "We have to put you on the monitor to be sure you're having contractions." Well, good thing you have a machine to make sure whether or not I'm serious here. Cuz, you never know, I might be playing a big joke on you!

During active labor, while I was staggering around the room: "Oooh, you poor thing, I remember how that felt during my first labor. Like I just wanted to hide from the pain." Almost got it - I'm actually trying to hide from YOU and EVERYONE ELSE who keeps pestering me. But you were close!

While pushing, the CNM kept telling me, "push out your bottom, push out your bottom." DH thought this was ridiculous, he told me later he was tempted to say, "what, you mean she shouldn't push out her mouth?"

During my C-section, when I kept flinching away from the feel of the scalpel on my skin, they kept asking me, "does that hurt?" and one of the docs said, "no, she's just overreacting." Geez, I'm so sorry that I'm not just as cool as a cucumber while I'm laying here getting filletted. Silly me for being effing TERRIFIED in this big strange cold bright room surrounded by strangers and not being able to see what the hell you're doing to me behind this curtain here.

Afterwards, while trying to breastfeed a drugged-up baby that I didn't get to meet until four hours after he was born, I told the LC on duty I was having trouble getting him to latch on. Her response? "Well, keep trying." Fast forward to the next day, I still can't get the hang of it. So she throws a nipple shield at me. Boy oh boy, I'm so glad the hospital pays you to tell new mothers to "keep trying" and then give them pieces of plastic when breastfeeding doesn't miraculously fall into place immediately.

I'm sooooooooo looking forward to my homebirth in 2 months.


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## mamabadger

I was doula to a nice woman whose labour was moving along rather slowly. At one point the nurse sat down by the bed and explained that she was having trouble delivering because she was Asian and her husband was European. The nurse said the baby was probably too big for her small, Asian pelvis, and she might need a C-section, which often happens with these mixed marriages.
Luckily, a doctor overheard and contradicted her before I could say anything.


----------



## channelofpeace

barefootpoetry, your post reminded me of another one. During my second c-section, my anesethologist gave this little speech about how it was his job to help me not to feel any pain, blah blah blah, make you comfortable, if you are feeling any pain, let me know... So they start the surgery and i told him that it was hurting, not oh-my-god-they-are-cutting-me-open badly, but pain and he said, "That's not pain, just pressure"







Um, thanks, i've had a c-section before, know what it feels like and i am pretty sure i know the difference between pain and pressure.


----------



## *Erin*

as i was transitioning, crawling onto the bed and cursing LOUDLY and profusely, my mother, who herself had 3 normal natural births, actually apologized to the nurses on my behalf.







they all laughed and said they'd heard worse, and it was fine, let me be, which she did!


----------



## *Erin*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *milkydoula* 
barefootpoetry, your post reminded me of another one. During my second c-section, my anesethologist gave this little speech about how it was his job to help me not to feel any pain, blah blah blah, make you comfortable, if you are feeling any pain, let me know... So they start the surgery and i told him that it was hurting, not oh-my-god-they-are-cutting-me-open badly, but pain and he said, "That's not pain, just pressure"







Um, thanks, i've had a c-section before, know what it feels like and i am pretty sure i know the difference between pain and pressure.

hugs
i said that during mine, and they gave me gas without telling me what it was and knocked me out


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## MamaLuvsHerBabies

Some funny things I've heard as a L&D RN...

'Can I cut the Um-Biblical Cord?'

'How much does he weigh?' (asked only moments after birth - this happens all the time)

'When can I get the epidermal?'

from a dad sitting outside his wife's room, reading a book... 'You're not going to leave my wife ALONE are you?' (as the RN is going to check on her other patient)

from a mom who looked down at the security sticker placed on her shirt upon admission to the unit... 'My name ain't Triage' (??!!!)

'What time will my wife deliver?' (hmmmmmmmmmm...)

'What is amniotic fluid?' (yikes!)

only moments after birth... 'I don't have any milk, so I can't breastfeed'

This only goes to prove that more often than not, OBs are not giving any useful information to their patients. So many moms present to the delivery unit filled with questions about very basic information that should have been given to them during the past NINE months of their care with their OBs. Shame on them!!!

-Wife, Momma, RN,







:







:







:







:







#5







:


----------



## Belle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaLuvsHerBabies* 
from a dad sitting outside his wife's room, reading a book... 'You're not going to leave my wife ALONE are you?' (as the RN is going to check on her other patient)

Sounds like such a loving spouse.









When I was pushing during my hb, my dh didn't realize I was pushing and was trying to get me to relax. I ignored him and just pushed. My midwives said something to the effect of "listen to your body and do what you need to" and he finally realized that my grunting and tight grip on the side of the tub was pushing.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaLuvsHerBabies* 
Some funny things I've heard as a L&D RN...

Wow, those are all very







: but at least as an RN you can gently tell people things like "it's fine, your milk will come in when it's supposed to, right now you have this stuff called colostrum that's even better!"


----------



## sunnymw

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natural_momma* 

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnymw* 
"Now, I understand that you want the baby to stay attached to you, by the umbilical cord, so no one will take it. But in order to keep him from bleeding to death we're going to have to at least clamp the cord as soon as he's born."











That is one of the more horrifyingly ignorant things I've heard, even from an MD. Are you sure it wasn't a joke? Really? Not a joke???

No joke. She was the head of the practice. The other two (males) both just said "We can't do that, the baby will lose all of its blood." (while going thru my birth plan...)


----------



## mamabadger

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnymw* 
No joke. She was the head of the practice. The other two (males) both just said "We can't do that, the baby will lose all of its blood."

I have also heard OBs claim the opposite, that if the cord is not clamped the baby will fill up with _too much_ blood.


----------



## barefootpoetry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnymw* 
No joke. She was the head of the practice. The other two (males) both just said "We can't do that, the baby will lose all of its blood." (while going thru my birth plan...)


Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabadger* 
I have also heard OBs claim the opposite, that if the cord is not clamped the baby will fill up with _too much_ blood.


Wow. Reminds me of kids telling crazy tales about sex on the playground at recess. Makes me wonder if these OBs learned about birth in the same way!


----------



## janasmama




----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Novella* 
My *very favourite*, though, was when she was checking me out after the boys were born so easily. Palpates my abdomen and feels compelled to "tsk-tsk" while telling me that I'm really going to have to do a lot of exercises because my abdominal muscles are separated enough that she can set two fingers between them. _You think?!_ I just carried 2 babies worth 14.5lb and their ancillary support systems to a healthy birth at 39weeks and 4days. I had to battle doctors all the way (including you, just an hour ago!) and you think I am surprised or even care that my abdominal muscles aren't at their finest?! Yeesh!!

No kidding! I could shove a fist between my abs after giving birth. Diastasis is odd, but it really is not the end of the world. Plus it's fun to freak your friends out. "Hey dude, feel THIS!"


----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AutumnMama* 
When I was giving birth to DD (in the hospital with a CNM), I ended up pushing her head out while sitting on the toilet (had been pushing for 2 1/2 hrs). The CNM then proceeded to tell me that I needed to walk across the room and get on the bed.

My Mom said that everyone who was in the waiting room could hear me say "WHAT!?! Are you CRAZY?!!"
Somehow I managed to do it, and climb up on the bed with DD's head hanging out of me









I walked upstairs while DD was crowning and across the room to get a pillow and back after her head was out.


----------



## PatienceAndLove

The resident at my daughter's birth was checking my dilation at L&D triage. She checked the dilation, looked confused and checked again.
She goes "i think you're 3... but I'm not sure, hold on". Calls the nurse in and the nurse says "no, she's 5" and looks at the resident like she's crazy.

Fast forward a few hours, and the resident is trying to cut the cord with a clamp. Yeah... a clamp.


----------



## Picturesque

AutumnMama said:


> When I was giving birth to DD (in the hospital with a CNM), I ended up pushing her head out while sitting on the toilet (had been pushing for 2 1/2 hrs). The CNM then proceeded to tell me that I needed to walk across the room and get on the bed.
> 
> My Mom said that everyone who was in the waiting room could hear me say "WHAT!?! Are you CRAZY?!!"
> Somehow I managed to do it, and climb up on the bed with DD's head hanging out of me
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then they had me pushing while on my back for several contractions before they realized that "hey, this isn't going to work" and let me flip over to my hands and knees where she promptly came out the rest of the way.
> 
> Something similar happened to me: I was squatting by the bed when DS's head was born. The OB wasn't in the room. The nurse INSISTED that I climb up into the bed, then TURN OVER so the OB could deliver him.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> : The one funny bit is that my DH still gets a kick out of remembering how DS's face got squished in the process. Poor little guy!


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janasmama* 
I agree and this is what was going on with my sis but I think it is the result of epi's.

Not necessarily. I had a midwife-only, no-meds birth and I was coached on when to push. I don't think I ever heard "Don't push" but heard lots of "Push Push push push push push!!!".


----------



## LucyRev

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
Not necessarily. I had a midwife-only, no-meds birth and I was coached on when to push. I don't think I ever heard "Don't push" but heard lots of "Push Push push push push push!!!".

For my 1st DD's birth I also had a midwife only birth with no meds. One of the nurses did the "push push push" b.s. and told me to try to get 3 good pushes in with every breath. I tried my best to ignore her. I think it is true that they are used to doing that because probably at least 75% of their patients have epidurals and can't feel what's going on.

I've been going to the hospital birth classes with my sister and the instructor said, "some women never feel the urge to push, but don't worry. The doctor will tell you when it is time." I actually busted up laughing.


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MKury* 
I absolutely LOVE my mw, and she was really cute as I was laboring on the birth stool. She was sitting on the floor under me and said, "Mary, you have a bulging bag of waters. I'm just going to cover myself with this chux pad- is that okay?" I didn't care obviously, but I'm so glad she did. With my next push, the entire wall behind her got drenched, but she stayed nice and dry. So sweet of her not to want to offend me!!
















laughup


----------



## mamalibby

As I am laying in the OR after my (heartbreaking) c-section, STILL haven't seen my son, the doc leans over me and whispers "Are you religious? Because that was a miracle." and kisses me on the cheek.








:

.........she was talking about the C-section, not the miracle of my amazing little boy. Apparently she had never seen a chord wrapped around the neck 4 times and just knew that he would have died had I not finally given in to a section for FTP. Although, since I was induced at 37 weeks because he was sooooo huge (8lb 10oz btw), I am pretty sure he would have been fine if left to come in his own time.


----------



## SheepNumber97245

I just remembered something from my son's birth...

The moment he came out i was overwhelmed with joyful cries. He was crying and I was clutching him close with my head up in the air whaling loud cries of sheer bliss. See...you could tell this because i was also smiling...









My mom said, "Why are you crying?? You should be happy!"


----------



## EBeth0000

Not as much stupid as just funny

Me immediately after birth: "Is it a boy or a girl? Honey, is it a boy or a girl?"

DH (sobbing, holding our DS): "It's a baby! It's a baby! It's a baby!"

um, yeah, he was too overwhelmed to check on that particular piece of information for me for a while. . .


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EBeth0000* 
Not as much stupid as just funny

Me immediately after birth: "Is it a boy or a girl? Honey, is it a boy or a girl?"

DH (sobbing, holding our DS): "It's a baby! It's a baby! It's a baby!"

um, yeah, he was too overwhelmed to check on that particular piece of information for me for a while. . .









that's sooo sweet!


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PatienceAndLove* 
The resident at my daughter's birth was checking my dilation at L&D triage. She checked the dilation, looked confused and checked again.
She goes "i think you're 3... but I'm not sure, hold on". Calls the nurse in and the nurse says "no, she's 5" and looks at the resident like she's crazy.

Fast forward a few hours, and the resident is trying to cut the cord with a clamp. Yeah... a clamp.

!!!! This sounds like a case of stolen identity.


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EBeth0000* 
Not as much stupid as just funny

Me immediately after birth: "Is it a boy or a girl? Honey, is it a boy or a girl?"

DH (sobbing, holding our DS): "It's a baby! It's a baby! It's a baby!"

um, yeah, he was too overwhelmed to check on that particular piece of information for me for a while. . .

Awwwww. You know, I think those were the first words out of my mouth after I gave birth (having known full well for the last 8 months that I was pregnant!), and I did not ask about the gender (nor did anyone else) for the first few minutes.


----------



## Daniel's Kitty

I thought os something from my hospital birth that really bothered me, it was annoyingly stupid. I had an epidural after I thought I would have hours of labor left with my induction, though I wanted the pit out of my system since I had to lay on my back for the whole labor and I didn't know I was at 7 or so until they finished putting the epidural in.

Ds had just been born and the dr was getting ready to stitch the tear I had, I told her I wasn't numb yet she still sat there poking me with the needle asking me if I could feel it as I am trying to get away after I said I wasn't numb.

But the funniest thing from that experience was dh saying as ds is crowning that he should go to burger king and get him a crown.


----------



## thefragile7393

None as funny or as as sad as many of these.....I did show up at the birth center at 9 cm and my mom showed up about 2 hours later. I was grumpy and irritated that she wasn't here earlier and "I'm having a baby here where have you been!?" At 9 cm I thought I was going to birth at any time and that she would miss it (now I don't want her there for other reasons). SHe hasn't forgiven me for yelling at her in labor.

And she told me "remember it hurts no more than menstural cramps." "This hurts just a BIT more then menstrual cramps mom!" I had a posterior darling and the back pain was killing me and at that moment I wanted to kill HER.


----------



## rightkindofme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moodyred01* 
A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!







."

Good lord...

That basically happened to me. Only she was wrong with her first guess of 8 and she told me two hours later I was at 4. This was after 39 hours of unmedicated labor with contractions every 6-8 minutes for 30 hours. I cried and decided I wasn't able to go another 12 or 24 or more hours so I transfered to the hospital where the triage doctor calmly asked me, "What brings you here today?" I was sobbing and just said, "I want an epidural." That doctor then _wandered away_ to answer a question for someone else and never came back. 20 minutes later the triage nurse got pissed and hunted down a different doctor so I could be admitted.


----------



## rixafreeze

At the first birth I attended as a doula:

Mom gets epidural early in labor (as planned) and the nurse says to her, once she's lying in bed, "Well, walking around doesn't help labor anyway."

Doctor calls the mom "champ," never by her real name. As in, "hi champ, how's it going?"

Doctor says half jokingly, "well you'd better have your baby by 7 pm because I have a church meeting to go to."

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"

Doctor (who has an 80% episiotomy rate for first-time moms, and a 50% rate for multips) apologized to the mom for NOT doing an episiotomy because the baby came out faster than he thought it would. (And this woman was adamant about not wanting an episiotomy, although I don't think she ever communicated this with her doctor.)


----------



## channelofpeace

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rixafreeze* 
At the first birth I attended as a doula:

Mom gets epidural early in labor (as planned) and the nurse says to her, once she's lying in bed, "Well, walking around doesn't help labor anyway."

Doctor calls the mom "champ," never by her real name. As in, "hi champ, how's it going?"

Doctor says half jokingly, "well you'd better have your baby by 7 pm because I have a church meeting to go to."

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"

Doctor (who has an 80% episiotomy rate for first-time moms, and a 50% rate for multips) apologized to the mom for NOT doing an episiotomy because the baby came out faster than he thought it would. (And this woman was adamant about not wanting an episiotomy, although I don't think she ever communicated this with her doctor.)

That doctor sounds like a real gem


----------



## bvnms

This wasn't when I was in labor but about 2 weeks before I had Beverly. I woke up one morning with a horrible pain in my stomach area, so we went to the hospital. I get up there and they keep asking me how far apart are my contractions. I kept telling them that I wasn't in labor, I was having some other kind of pain. They did not believe me. They hooked me up to the EFM and after about 20 minutes, while I'm laying on this bed holding my stomach crying, the nurse comes in and tells me that I'm not in labor. I yelled at her that I know this, I've had 4 other kids and could they do something about the GUT pain I'm having! Turns out I was having a problem with my gallbladder and almost had to have it taken out that day.


----------



## PatienceAndLove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rixafreeze* 
At the first birth I attended as a doula:

Mom gets epidural early in labor (as planned) and the nurse says to her, once she's lying in bed, "Well, walking around doesn't help labor anyway."

Doctor calls the mom "champ," never by her real name. As in, "hi champ, how's it going?"

*Doctor says half jokingly, "well you'd better have your baby by 7 pm because I have a church meeting to go to."*

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"

Doctor (who has an 80% episiotomy rate for first-time moms, and a 50% rate for multips) apologized to the mom for NOT doing an episiotomy because the baby came out faster than he thought it would. (And this woman was adamant about not wanting an episiotomy, although I don't think she ever communicated this with her doctor.)

Sounds like my OB.
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."

Guess who popped out at 3:55?


----------



## gentlemomcarmen

At my first daughter's birth, when things started to get pretty intense and I was having to work really hard through contractions, my mom came in the room. Her little gem of wisdom was "Are you not feeling well?"

It was at that point I realized why they keep everything that can be thrown just out of reach of the laboring woman.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PatienceAndLove* 
Sounds like my OB.
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."

That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."

(And I'd totally wanted to be a doula until I realized that doulas don't get to tell idiots off on behalf of laboring mothers. Very disappointing.)


----------



## PatienceAndLove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."

(And I'd totally wanted to be a doula until I realized that doulas don't get to tell idiots off on behalf of laboring mothers. Very disappointing.)

They don't?? *pout*

Going with a midwife is looking better and better.
But my sister's face seeing Vivi crown still makes me laugh.


----------



## Belia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rixafreeze* 
ecause I have a church meeting to go to."

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"


Well, to be fair..... if I had known that this pg was going to be as rough as it's been, I might have requested an epidural at the beginning as well!!!!! Maybe I still will.......







I'll be the only woman in the history of the world to have her epidural REMOVED for labor and delivery.......


----------



## janasmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."

(And I'd totally wanted to be a doula until I realized that doulas don't get to tell idiots off on behalf of laboring mothers. Very disappointing.)


laughup

Most of these are coming from hospital births....how interesting. I wonder if that means everyone with a homebirth is just happy at how everything went, everyone was more respectful of the space (though there are exceptions.)


----------



## natural_momma

I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still





















my HB)


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belia* 
Well, to be fair..... if I had known that this pg was going to be as rough as it's been, I might have requested an epidural at the beginning as well!!!!! Maybe I still will.......







I'll be the only woman in the history of the world to have her epidural REMOVED for labor and delivery.......


----------



## channelofpeace

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janasmama* 
laughup

Most of these are coming from hospital births....how interesting. I wonder if that means everyone with a homebirth is just happy at how everything went, everyone was more respectful of the space (though there are exceptions.)









I've been to both and it seems that partners say stupid things anywhere


----------



## Purple*Lotus

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."


----------



## ~sweet pea~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natural_momma* 
I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), *"do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?"* Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still





















my HB)

Okay, this has to be my favorite so far.....laughup


----------



## SeekingSerenity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PatienceAndLove* 
Sounds like my OB.
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."

OMG, this totally made me think of something that happened when I was in labor with my first. I remember feeling totally humiliated by the first part, and completely p*ssed off by the second.

First, I was in the delivery room, and the doc comes in while the nurse is sloshing about 4 gallons of betadine over my perineal area. My legs are in stirrups to the ceiling and the rest of me is flat on my back on the bed. The doc sits down and starts injecting painkiller into the perineum so he can do the filet-job he listed as an episiotomy (I didn't know what he was doing, btw, or later, why I had 9 stitches down there







). While he's injecting the medicine, he's chatting about the history of the forceps, something about whoever invented them hid one half of the prototype set as a practical joke, leaving some doctor-in-training to figure out what to do with just one forcep during a difficult birth - some crazy made-up thing that I guess I was supposed to laugh at.

Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.









What irritated me was, a few minutes later, he pushed back from the bed and said, "Don't push or anything, I'm going for a smoke break."

The nurse had had enough and told me to push as soon as he left the room, and another nurse ended up running down the hall to catch him when the baby started crowning. He came back, cut his giant episiotomy and my daughter just kind of fell out.

Ugh, military hospitals. SO glad I never had to do THAT again.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Ugh, military hospitals. SO glad I never had to do THAT again.

Military doctors should be forced to do their residencies elsewhere and come back to the military hospitals to put in their required time after they've gotten at least 10 years experience in civilian hospitals. The current way around is just stupid. (Right now, the military pays to train them, then gives them credit for the residencies that are part of that training, then gets like 2 years out of them before they go to private practice.)


----------



## mommathea

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natural_momma* 
I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still





















my HB)

hahaha, with my second I didn't want to take my pants off till I felt the head decending.


----------



## honeybee

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natural_momma* 
I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still





















my HB)









This reminds me so much of ME. My ds2 came so quick that I had to scramble to pull down my pants as he was crowning. After my mw caught him, he got slightly tangled in my underwear as she passsed him back to me (I was on my hands and knees).


----------



## Belle

At my hb my water had broken about 24 hours before and I was trying to get contractions moving with a breastpump.

I had a strong contraction and stopped pumping to breath through it. My mom had come over uninvited and after the contraction was over she looked at me with extreme fear on her face and said "was that a bad one?"
I looked at her like she'd grown another head. I said "No, it was a good one" I was _trying_ to get contractions going. They had to be strong or they wouldn't get the baby out.

Mom was asked to leave at that point. She made us promise to call her as soon as was in labor. We "forgot"


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.






































my mouth quite literally dropped open reading this. and the rest.

nak


----------



## LucyRev

:

I'm so sorry that happened to you!







:

I guess my MIL is lucky. She birthed my DH at a military hospital 31 years ago and had a natural birth. She said lamaze was just becoming "in style" or something, and she was already 4cms dilated when she went in for an exam, so I think it was a pretty fast labor.

I feel lucky that both my mom and my MIL had unmedicated labors so they have always been supportive of my choices.


----------



## tjjazzy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janasmama* 
It's so funny how so many people, including RN's (of all people you'd think they would at least know) think that a doctor is actually needed when a baby comes out. Like if there was actually some kind of emergency you are already in the hospital, the nurses know how to call someone, right?


my labour nurse told me, after i asked her why we even bother with the docs since the nurses do all the work, that they have to fill out an incident report if the docs aren't there for the birth.


----------



## jessjgh1

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
OMG, this totally made me think of something that happened when I was in labor with my first. I remember feeling totally humiliated by the first part, and completely p*ssed off by the second.

First, I was in the delivery room, and the doc comes in while the nurse is sloshing about 4 gallons of betadine over my perineal area. My legs are in stirrups to the ceiling and the rest of me is flat on my back on the bed. The doc sits down and starts injecting painkiller into the perineum so he can do the filet-job he listed as an episiotomy (I didn't know what he was doing, btw, or later, why I had 9 stitches down there







). While he's injecting the medicine, he's chatting about the history of the forceps, something about whoever invented them hid one half of the prototype set as a practical joke, leaving some doctor-in-training to figure out what to do with just one forcep during a difficult birth - some crazy made-up thing that I guess I was supposed to laugh at.

Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.









What irritated me was, a few minutes later, he pushed back from the bed and said, "Don't push or anything, I'm going for a smoke break."

The nurse had had enough and told me to push as soon as he left the room, and another nurse ended up running down the hall to catch him when the baby started crowning. He came back, cut his giant episiotomy and my daughter just kind of fell out.

Ugh, military hospitals. SO glad I never had to do THAT again.


OMG.. every once in a while (well, way more often than I would like) i read something so horrible that I think there should be a collection of them sent off to every hospital director, (and other individuals), ob's, media etc. in a big fat binder with bold letters title: This is why we need to do something about our birth culture.

I'm so sorry.

Jessica


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeybee* 







This reminds me so much of ME. My ds2 came so quick that I had to scramble to pull down my pants as he was crowning. After my mw caught him, he got slightly tangled in my underwear as she passsed him back to me (I was on my hands and knees).

OMG, that's hilarious! I always wondered if that ever happened.


----------



## DanelleB

Mine aren't nearly as bad as some of these, but I guess I'll share.

I tend to internalize pain, and prefer to close my eyes to help me relax. My mother should know this, but with my DD, she still kept getting in my face and bugging me to concentrate on my "focal point". I finally told her to leave me alone, that my eye lids _were_ the focal point.

My son's birth is full of stupid comments. My water had broken and I guess I wasn't progressing fast enough for for the OB (forbid I interrupt your gardening) so he pumped me full of pitocin. After being bombarted with continuous contractions I caved and got an epidural. I'm laying there waiting for some relief (which never came) and my mom and the nurses were actually trying to tell me that it was working. Um, I think I'd know! (My mom still insists that it was working since I wasn't in enough pain).









I'm one of those who was told not to push because the OB was in surgery. J was crowning, and they wanted me to wait (I didn't even try to stop pushing, BTW)! The ped was getting ready to deliver in his place when the OB walked in and actually thanked me for waiting for him.







:

Then, after filling me full of pitocin, I start bleeding pretty bad after the placenta was out. I'm laying there bleeding out, straining to just see my baby and the Doctor actually tells me "This is why we don't give birth at home".


----------



## Anna1979

When my mom was pg with me everyone convinced her that she was having a boy so when the dr told her that I was a girl she started arguing with him, telling him that she was suppose to have a boy. She went on to have three more children after me and all girls.


----------



## Fujiko

I really wasn't in active labor yet, but was checked into the hospital the evening before (pre-e). I was 3-4 when I was admitted, so they did a "wait and see" overnight. Sometime in the middle of the night (while my DH and I were sound asleep in preperation for labor the next day), my doc (who I just just met...was planning a HB) came in and gave me a "dead baby" lecture in regards to GBS. I hadn't been tested because I think the test is flawed and pointless. But I agreed to take the antibiotics just to shut him up. It could have really waited until morning!

But other than that, my hospital birth was pretty free of stupid comments, for which I am ever grateful (although I can't say the same for the c-section I got in the end.)

Well, I guess there was one nurse, who, at least a day after I delivered, chastised me for resting (I wasn't even sleeping) in my bed with my baby. "That's DANGEROUS, you know!" And there was another nurse who woke me up in the middle of the night a day or two after DD was born to teach me how to pump my colostrum, which in retrospect was very helpful, but I wish someone had done that earlier, during the day!


----------



## natural_momma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DanelleB* 

Then, after filling me full of pitocin, I start bleeding pretty bad after the placenta was out. I'm laying there bleeding out, straining to just see my baby and the Doctor actually tells me "This is why we don't give birth at home".









This was said while I was pg w/#2 and planning my HB, but a friend was describing her labor: pitocin, epidural that didn't work, episiotomy turned 4th degree tear, forceps, inability to move her left leg for 2 weeks after the birth b/c of the epidural, 'couldn't' breastfeed etc. Then to conclude she says, "There is NO WAY after what I just went through that I would EVER do that at home!" WTF?!?!?!?!?


----------



## veronicalynne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Anna1979* 
When my mom was pg with me everyone convinced her that she was having a boy so when the dr told her that I was a girl she started arguing with him, telling him that she was suppose to have a boy. She went on to have three more children after me and all girls.

Oh God, that is exactly what happened to my mother too. When she went for one of her prenatal visits, she kept on talking about the baby as a boy, and the dr turned to her and sharply said "What do you mean a boy, I am a dr, and I am telling you this is a girl!" (I think the man was teasing her but my mom was only 19 and very naive) so when she went into labor and delivered my brother she argued with them. She absolutely refused to open her eyes and see so they put baby on her tummy and finally convinced her to open her eyes


----------



## heidirk

This was during crowning with DS, which took about fifteen minutes.









I could feel a tear starting on the right side of my vagina, and it HURT because it was tearing UP IN, not out and down. I told the midwife (whom I love) it really hurts right here! She started working on that area right away, and said, "You have a very thick ring of hymenal tissue, it isn't stretching."
I said "yeah, I know"

She wasn't being rude, but fifteen people got to hear that my hymen was intact!









To her credit, I only had a few very small surface tears.


----------



## yogamonkeyjo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moodyred01* 
A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!







."

Good lord...

i know some of you think that's awful, but OMG i would love my mw for doing that, it's so me!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natural_momma* 
I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still





















my HB)

again, i totally see myself doing this!

these are so great! although i hope i can avoid idiocy with this birth, i almost want to add to the fun!


----------



## bvnms

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fujiko* 
Well, I guess there was one nurse, who, at least a day after I delivered, chastised me for resting (I wasn't even sleeping) in my bed with my baby. "That's DANGEROUS, you know!" And there was another nurse who woke me up in the middle of the night a day or two after DD was born to teach me how to pump my colostrum, which in retrospect was very helpful, but I wish someone had done that earlier, during the day!

The same thing happened with me and Victoria, only it was a secretary or something. I had been up all night in labor and this was the afternoon sometime.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tjjazzy* 
my labour nurse told me, after i asked her why we even bother with the docs since the nurses do all the work, that they have to fill out an incident report if the docs aren't there for the birth.

THAT'S the reason for "don't push the doctor isn't here yet"?!?!?!?

They interfere in perfectly progressing labors because they might have to fill out one mealsy little report???









If they'd just start writing the report when it looked like the doctor wouldn't make it in time, instead of trying to slow things down, I bet the reports could be a lot shorter. "Doctor was attending another patient. Patient A's baby was born at 9:15pm. Patient and baby are fine."


----------



## Jannah6

With my 3rd DC I had to be induced. Instead of my MW delivering, I had to have a male Dr. Although my MW was allowed in the room. I suffer from really bad boils







. When the Dr saw my private area he screamed "What's That!?). The nurse was SOOOO annoyed that she answered him rudely.

During this labor I yelled so loudly and kept rocking back and forth, I thought the poor Dr. was going to bolt







.


----------



## CEG

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DanelleB* 
Then, after filling me full of pitocin, I start bleeding pretty bad after the placenta was out. I'm laying there bleeding out, straining to just see my baby and the Doctor actually tells me "This is why we don't give birth at home".









This wasn't my birth, but I work in L & D. The other day a mom coded during her epidural placement and had to be rescusitated and after a code blue an emergency c-section performed. During the chaos the anesthesioloigist commented: "This is why people shouldn't do this at home." Because they might code during their epidural? Duh! Mom and baby were fine but anesthesiologist is still an idiot


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CEG* 
This wasn't my birth, but I work in L & D. The other day a mom coded during her epidural placement and had to be rescusitated and after a code blue an emergency c-section performed. During the chaos the anesthesioloigist commented: "This is why people shouldn't do this at home." Because they might code during their epidural? Duh! Mom and baby were fine but anesthesiologist is still an idiot









However did you keep from saying "do what? Get an epidural? I don't think people ever do that at home."


----------



## khanni

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LucyRev* 
I've been going to the hospital birth classes with my sister and the instructor said, "some women never feel the urge to push, but don't worry. The doctor will tell you when it is time." I actually busted up laughing.

It's no joke. I had homebirths with both my kids and had no urge to push with the first. After being fully dilated for quite some time, my CNM finally suggested I just start pushing anyway. I pushed for 4.5 hours before my daughter was born. It was frustrating, exhausting, counterintuitive, and excruciatingly painful.

Which brings me to my stupidest thing...talking on the phone to my mom shortly after the baby was born, when I told her I had pushed for 4.5 hours, she said, "Oh, that's not that long". This from the woman whose babies practically fell out of her w/in an hour or so of having her first contraction.


----------



## mntnmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Military doctors should be forced to do their residencies elsewhere and come back to the military hospitals to put in their required time after they've gotten at least 10 years experience in civilian hospitals. The current way around is just stupid. (Right now, the military pays to train them, then gives them credit for the residencies that are part of that training, then gets like 2 years out of them before they go to private practice.)

It's not military hosp. It's this [email protected]$$! 2 of my babes were born in Army hospitals, and I had relatively good experiences. It's a problem with our hospital culture in general. Mil hosp. might have MORE problems because of the hierachical power structure, but I have heard just as many, if not more, horror stories from civilian hosp.

Just for the record, I would have wanted to kick the guy in the face!!


----------



## Celticqueen

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PatienceAndLove* 
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."

OMG.

Because it's all about the doctor, not the mom, right? Sheesh.

I would have been furious!

-Caitrin


----------



## Anna1979

My BF gave birth in a hospital with a MW but did have an epidurap and then pit and EFM and the baby's heart rate would dip occasionally but her MW wasn't worried although the OB on call kept coming in pushing for a c-section and my BF was dead set against that unless her MW recommanded it and she hadn't. So after a whole night spend at the hospital her mother and I were outside in the hall way having a short break and her DP's mother showed up asking for an update so we filled her in. Her first comment was " if she had a c-section then they would keep her in the hospital longer and I could clean their house for them







:


----------



## janasmama

^ Oh my!


----------



## paquerette

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah5* 
With my 3rd DC I had to be induced. Instead of my MW delivering, I had to have a male Dr. Although my MW was allowed in the room. I suffer from really bad boils







. When the Dr saw my private area he screamed "What's That!?). The nurse was SOOOO annoyed that she answered him rudely.

During this labor I yelled so loudly and kept rocking back and forth, I thought the poor Dr. was going to bolt







.

Whoa, was that guy new or something? To have never seen a boil in the pubic region before (don't people go in to get those removed all the time? I've had em but never quite that bad), and to be freaked out by someone making noise in labor. Sheesh. I guess it's too bad he didn't bolt, eh?


----------



## Kidzaplenty

I can't think of any right now, though I know I will. These are just too funny. And sometimes too sad.


----------



## SeekingSerenity

I was telling my friend and her DH about this thread and some of the things I've been through in my own labors, and they told me this story... it happened with her DH and his first wife, when the woman was having their child...

Apparently, the labor was quick and the birth was fairly easy. The baby was delivered, and the doc did a "routine" episiotomy. So the babe's on the warmer, Mom's lying exhausted on the bed, and the Dr. was stitching the episiotomy... the dad (now my BF's DH, thankfully more sensitive and tactful than he was back then) walks over and looks at what the doc was doing to his wife.

Out of the blue, he says, "Hey doc, while you're at it, you think you could throw an extra stitch in there? You know, just tighten things up a little?"

(He admits that at the time, he thought it was funny, but looking back, he realizes he is probably quite lucky to have walked out of that room alive. The doctor, a woman, was apparently NOT amused, judging by the look of smouldering, venomous hatred she gave him.)


----------



## mchalehm

When I had my daughter, it was a hospital birth. I was induced and eventually got an epidural.

My nurse--who would leave for hours at a time, leaving my husband and me alone and uncertain of what was going on--was chatty when she was there. She kept asking me these questions like "Oh, so you're in school, are you? For a Ph.D.?" (while I was trying to push!). I mean, honestly, if I want small talk I'll go to a freaking coffee shop! I was already feeling a little bitter because she changed the cartridge that delivered drugs to the epidural and forgot to turn the pump back on, so I was in total agony (back labor) and yet I thought the whole time that they had done everything in their power to help me and that I was going to die.

About halfway through my labor, which was quite long, I turned to my husband and said, "You are never getting sex again. Never." The nurse heard me and said, very seriously, "Oh, honey, you'll probably change your mind."


----------



## Magali

I was admonished by a nurse mid labor because i didn't go to prenatal classes. A little to late to be concerned about it. Classes or no classes...that baby was on it's way!


----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
I was telling my friend and her DH about this thread and some of the things I've been through in my own labors, and they told me this story... it happened with her DH and his first wife, when the woman was having their child...

Apparently, the labor was quick and the birth was fairly easy. The baby was delivered, and the doc did a "routine" episiotomy. So the babe's on the warmer, Mom's lying exhausted on the bed, and the Dr. was stitching the episiotomy... the dad (now my BF's DH, thankfully more sensitive and tactful than he was back then) walks over and looks at what the doc was doing to his wife.

Out of the blue, he says, "Hey doc, while you're at it, you think you could throw an extra stitch in there? You know, just tighten things up a little?"

(He admits that at the time, he thought it was funny, but looking back, he realizes he is probably quite lucky to have walked out of that room alive. The doctor, a woman, was apparently NOT amused, judging by the look of smouldering, venomous hatred she gave him.)

That happened to a friend of mine with her EX dh!


----------



## natural_momma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
I...
Out of the blue, he says, "Hey doc, while you're at it, you think you could throw an extra stitch in there? You know, just tighten things up a little?"

(He admits that at the time, he thought it was funny, but looking back, he realizes he is probably quite lucky to have walked out of that room alive. The doctor, a woman, was apparently NOT amused, judging by the look of smouldering, venomous hatred she gave him.)


That's called the "husband's knot", something that was actually done (or maybe still is)


----------



## Twinklefeet

These are so funny, and so scary all at once... I can't imagine behaving myself very well during labor or after in the face of some of these comments. I'd probably run screaming from the hospital and choose to labor in the parking garage.At very least the nurses would be at serious risk, i think. I tend to be a bit, uh, ferocious when i'm in pain. How can you all suffer these fools so calmly?


----------



## majikfaerie

ugh some of these are just terrible.


----------



## earthie_mama

Happened to me, not by anyone's request, but my midwife stitched me too tight, now I have a flap of skin that gets pinched during sex and is very painful, just finally getting better at 18 mos pp. I'm hoping this baby will tear just that little part and it can heal back to my normal vagina









Quote:


Originally Posted by *natural_momma* 
That's called the "husband's knot", something that was actually done (or maybe still is)


----------



## Reg1123

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qestia* 
Stupid nurse at my birth decided to lecture me then and there about how I shouldn't have been doing kegels while pregnant. I just tried my best to ignore her, but really, even if she was right--which she wasn't--what did she hope to accomplish by telling me that, then?

LOL
That's hysterical!


----------



## marrymeflyfree

Quote:


Originally Posted by *filiadeluna* 
When I was born, my dad said "It's a BOY!", until the doctor corrected him. He was so hell-bent on the idea that I was going to be a boy, that he didn't even bother to *look*.









My partner just did this three weeks ago when our daughter was born! Not because he so wanted a boy, but because the angle at which he saw her engorged labia - he thought they were testes!


----------



## majikfaerie

my DP had to check twice before he would concede that DD was indeed female


----------



## VBMama

The idiot OB I had with ds1 walks in my room when I was going on 24 hours of unrelenting back labor (no meds at that point) and says in this cheerful voice, "So, who's tired of this pregnancy? I am, I am!", waving her arm in the air like she's making the funniest joke ever. I think everyone in the room wanted to throw something at her.


----------



## StarMama

I've got a few to share as well.

The real gems are from my MIL I think. When I was admitted to be induced (oh the joy of not really having pre-e but being convinced I did...) the nurse fed me dinner before they started the pitocin. My MIL saw that and told the nurse "You can't be FEEDING HER!". Yeah, thanks, I'm sure the NURSE doesn't know the general protocols here.

My doula was great about giving me counter pressure support and rubbing my feet, but apparently MIL didn't agree. When my doula was out of the room she said "*I* can give you a better foot rub that THAT!" and proceeded to give me a rough foot rub. It wasn't a competition or anything here.

The evil doctor came in about 10am and said "We're going to have to start talking c-section here" and *then* checked me to find I was complete. Thanks for the stress over nothing!

Orion came out after 20 minutes of pushing and 2 minutes of violent dry heaving (oh yay mag sulfate!), the nurse was in the room but the doctor was not. She tried to hold his head from popping out and told me "Stop PUSHING!". Um yes, *vomiting* here, none of this is really controllable! I did feel great that he came out before the doctor could walk into the room.







Once he was born my doula demanded he be given to me and the nurse stunned just did what she asked. Wonderful!


----------



## Mrsboyko

After my awful 24 hours of labor followed by a c-section, doc informed me that "obviously an 8 lb baby is too big for you" So "next time we can just schedule your c-section." Gee, thanks doc. Did you forget EVERYTHING in my birth plan? Obviously.....


----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mrsboyko* 
After my awful 24 hours of labor followed by a c-section, doc informed me that "obviously an 8 lb baby is too big for you" So "next time we can just schedule your c-section." Gee, thanks doc. Did you forget EVERYTHING in my birth plan? Obviously.....









I believe there's a youtube video he needs to see!


----------



## Mrsboyko

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
I believe there's a youtube video he needs to see!






Is there any way I can get that in non-youtube format? I only have access at work and they have it blocked.....


----------



## queenjulie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
I believe there's a youtube video he needs to see!






OMG, what a great video! I'm choking back tears over here. PP, you need to watch it at home if you can't at work!


----------



## queenjulie

Correction: I meant to say watch it at "a friend's home if you can't at work!"


----------



## Belle

I just thought of one. I had PROM for my hb. I was trying to induce with a breastpump. My mom asked how dilated I was. I said I didn't know. We couldn't check because my water was broken. Mom asked how I was supposed to know when to push if nobody was checking my dilation. I asked her how other mammals got born if nobody was sticking their paws up their to check their dilation.


----------



## SillyMommy

I haven't gotten past page 5 but I have to add.

My sister had her first at a birth center. There was a new MW asst there from another country (I say this because I still hope it was just a culture difference). Anyway, she came in to check my sister after having the baby, and she patted my sister on the belly and said, "You're sure you're not gonna have another one?"

I told my sister she should have kicked her.

**********

Not that big of a deal, but while in labor with my second my MIL's CELL PHONE RANG! (Wouldn't have been such a big deal but I was a week late and had heard that phone ring EVERY day asking if the baby was here yet.) Anyway, I yelled at her to "turn her f'ing phone off!!"


----------



## Mommal

While I was pushing, one of the nurses said "Ooo, there's a BIG deceleration on the monitor!" It was an absolutely terrifying thing to say to a woman in the midst of birthing a baby! My midwife just calmly said "The monitor is wrong. This baby is absolutely fine." And she was: about 5 minutes later my DD was born, bright pink and screaming her head off.


----------



## StarMama

Mommal I want your midwife! How reassuring and wonderful she was there for you and your wee one!


----------



## Materfamilias

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belle* 
I asked her how other mammals got born if nobody was sticking their paws up their to check their dilation.









:


----------



## Rivka5

The only person who said something stupid at my birth was me.

Midwife: Okay, you're at 8 centimeters.
Me: No, this can't possibly be transition. The contractions are too far apart.

(It was transition. It turns out that labor doesn't actually have to follow the exact same path I read about in books. Who knew?)

Well, wait, okay, maybe someone else did say something stupid. At one point I was throwing up and either my mom or my doula said happily, "What a good sign of progress!" Shut. Up.


----------



## AAK

This is great, reading these posts reminds me why my mom was only welcome at birth #1.

After which she said--honey that wasn't bad at all--you were really quiet up until the end. Good thing you weren't noisy, that can be embarrassing.

(BTW -- for #1 I had an epi and later regretted it. #2 was hospital with an awesome mw and I had no interventions except intermittant fetal monitoring and I got to stay out of the bed (yes, really) until after the birth in which I had an IV. #3 was a homebirth! I was very vocal during both those and knew I would be. Since my mom finds birthing noise to be embarrassing and unnecessary, I knew to leave her at HER house!)


----------



## ishyfishie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rivka5* 
The only person who said something stupid at my birth was me.









During my labor, I woke up in transition and was throwing up, which I almost NEVER do. I went to wake up dh and he said, "Do you think this is it?" Since I felt like I was just in constant, cramping pain without being able to distinguish contractions and since we had gone out for dinner the night before, I said, "I don't think so, I think I have food poisoning! How do you feel?"

He just stared at me and said, "Uh, I feel fine. I'm pretty sure you're in labor."


----------



## kalirush

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AAK* 
After which she said--honey that wasn't bad at all--you were really quiet up until the end. Good thing you weren't noisy, that can be embarrassing.

I can totally imagine my mom saying that.









I don't remember anything excessively stupid during my birth. I was really focused, though. Probably the worst was from the nurse- "The OB wants her in stirrups; she likes to deliver that way". Which, to be fair, I count as the OB's stupidity, because the nurse is going to disobey a direct order? I was nonverbal at that point though, and it was the nurse who got kicked.

After the birth, my mom came upon me mostly naked, and said "Wow, I had no idea stretch marks could be so bad!" (she never had any in 5 pregnancies).

Thanks mom. I feel so much better about my post partum body now. (And they weren't even that bad, compared to alot of women!)


----------



## mntnmom

Not exactly a labor one, but I had to share

A random lady at the store saw I was pregnant and asked which hospital I was going to.

Me: None actually, we're having him at home with a midwife
Her: oh, she can't give you drugs can she.
Me: No, but we're planning a drug free birth anyway.
Her: When those contractions hit you'll change your mind.
Me: Really? I did okay with the other 3.

She couldn't respond, just looked confused!


----------



## UnassistedMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mntnmom* 
Her: When those contractions hit you'll change your mind.
Me: Really? I did okay with the other 3.

Beautiful! I love it!!


----------



## Dabble

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeydee* 
this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?

Seriously. I will never ever let him live that one down.


OMG, I can't stop laughing at this ... My DH would totally do something like that! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnassistedMomma* 
Beautiful! I love it!!









: I'm totally using that with strangers.


----------



## chpiper

As a doula I have heard some pretty crazy stuff...here are a few that come to mind:

A teen mom who had been living at a crisis pregnancy center her entire pregnancy and was under nearly constant supervision...she is washing dishes with her house mom (they had been together all day) when she feels a huge gush of water...house mom says, well we better go to the hospital, looks like your water broke. They used a few towels to clean up and had her sit on a chux pad on the way over (which was wet by the time they got there)...they go to L&D and nurse examines her...she does a speculum test and states that her water did not break. The mom asks what else it could have been, (she was nearly certain it wasn't urine, she had actually emptied her bladder a few times during this whole event and was fairly sure that it was not urine...)the nurse said with all seriousness (and I am not kidding), well then I guess it is sperm...the mom said "But, there were puddles of it...big puddles", and the nurse said, yes, sometimes that happens...

A mom wanted to let the baby's cord alone after the birth...doctor had never witnessed this before. He states "Yeah, I'm cool with whatever you decide, but I should warn you that there are some dangers to trying this" the mom asks what is dangerous about a pulsating cord...the doc said "well, it will all be fine if I hold the baby beside your butt, but if we put him on your chest his blood will drain out" UUUUUUhhhhhhhhggggggg.....







head:

My own birth had some memorable moments too...my first birth was 47 minutes long... (INTENSE) I arrive at the hospital ready to push, contrax on top of each other, really in the throws of labor and some nurse brings a paper to me with a bunch of faces on it asking me to show her which one resembles how I am feeling...I said circle the one that has a head coming out of her vagina...

Shortly after that another nurse tells me I really need to learn how to breathe or this baby was just not going to come... (really, 3cm-9cm in less than 30 minutes and she thinks something is holding me back???) I told her to go find some breathing lessons and try to get me signed up in time, until then I was just going to try to give birth...wish me luck


----------



## Shelsi

During our homebirth I went into the bathroom thinking I had some "cleaning out" left to do...having no clue whatsoever just how far along I was...and I sat down and realized I was pushing! I had called my mw an hour prior and told her not to come for awhile and she lives 45 mins away. So first I start calling out, "Um! I think I'm PUSHING!!....Yeah! OMG! I'm PUSHING! I'm PUSHING! OMG! I AM PUSHING!" lol. It felt like it took forever for dh to come in there. I found out later from my mom why it took him so dang long (she was there too to be with my ds). Dh heard me yelling out that I was pushing and proceeds to KNOCK on the bathroom door over and over again saying, "Rachel, is it ok if I come in? Can I come in please?" Of course I didn't even hear him. Finally my mom was like, "Jon! For pete's sakes! JUST GET IN THERE NOW!! STOP KNOCKING ON THE &%*@&$ DOOR"







:


----------



## PatienceAndLove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shelsi* 
During our homebirth I went into the bathroom thinking I had some "cleaning out" left to do...having no clue whatsoever just how far along I was...and I sat down and realized I was pushing! I had called my mw an hour prior and told her not to come for awhile and she lives 45 mins away. So first I start calling out, "Um! I think I'm PUSHING!!....Yeah! OMG! I'm PUSHING! I'm PUSHING! OMG! I AM PUSHING!" lol. It felt like it took forever for dh to come in there. I found out later from my mom why it took him so dang long (she was there too to be with my ds). Dh heard me yelling out that I was pushing and proceeds to KNOCK on the bathroom door over and over again saying, "Rachel, is it ok if I come in? Can I come in please?" Of course I didn't even hear him. Finally my mom was like, *"Jon! For pete's sakes! JUST GET IN THERE NOW!! STOP KNOCKING ON THE &%*@&$ DOOR"







:*

Too funny!
How nice that he knocked, though


----------



## malibusunny

My mom is still mad at me for not calling her with updates during my 30-odd hours of labour. Anything she said during my labour counts as stupid by default.


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommal* 
While I was pushing, one of the nurses said "Ooo, there's a BIG deceleration on the monitor!" It was an absolutely terrifying thing to say to a woman in the midst of birthing a baby! My midwife just calmly said "The monitor is wrong. This baby is absolutely fine." And she was: about 5 minutes later my DD was born, bright pink and screaming her head off.

When I was in labor with ds, the monitor kept saying I was having contractions when I wasn't and that I was having peaks when nothing was going on. Also, they found the baby's heartbeat and strapped an external monitor on. He didn't like it and moved away. A couple of times they readjusted it, but he kept moving. Finally, they gave up and took it off. But when he was about to be born, in fear they put it on (until the doctor showed up? I can't remember - I was sort of busy) - for legal reasons. He still didn't register (but he came out screaming so I expect he was alive). So, you're midwife was more right than just making up stories. But, boy, did she have better tact than the nurse.


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mntnmom* 
Not exactly a labor one, but I had to share

A random lady at the store saw I was pregnant and asked which hospital I was going to.

Me: None actually, we're having him at home with a midwife
Her: oh, she can't give you drugs can she.
Me: No, but we're planning a drug free birth anyway.
Her: When those contractions hit you'll change your mind.
Me: Really? I did okay with the other 3.

She couldn't respond, just looked confused!









:


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chpiper* 
As a doula I have heard some pretty crazy stuff...here are a few that come to mind:

A teen mom who had been living at a crisis pregnancy center her entire pregnancy and was under nearly constant supervision...she is washing dishes with her house mom (they had been together all day) when she feels a huge gush of water...house mom says, well we better go to the hospital, looks like your water broke. They used a few towels to clean up and had her sit on a chux pad on the way over (which was wet by the time they got there)...they go to L&D and nurse examines her...she does a speculum test and states that her water did not break. The mom asks what else it could have been, (she was nearly certain it wasn't urine, she had actually emptied her bladder a few times during this whole event and was fairly sure that it was not urine...)the nurse said with all seriousness (and I am not kidding), well then I guess it is sperm...the mom said "But, there were puddles of it...big puddles", and the nurse said, yes, sometimes that happens...









:
Boy, am I getting my laugh exercises tonight! Your others were crazy but this takes the cake. Umm, was the lady like ... a virgin? Totally uninformed? Believed that a teen would believe anything?


----------



## Mommal

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A_Random_Phrase* 
So, you're midwife was more right than just making up stories. But, boy, did she have better tact than the nurse.









Oh, I know she was right, all right! That nurse was just an idiot, and I could tell my MW thought so, too. Earlier in labor the monitor slipped out of position and the same idiot nurse came and looked at the printout, shook her head sadly and said "Oh, I see you're not having any contractions." I was like "That comes as a surprise to me, as I'm having a big one _right now_."


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommal* 
Oh, I know she was right, all right! That nurse was just an idiot, and I could tell my MW thought so, too. Earlier in labor the monitor slipped out of position and the same idiot nurse came and looked at the printout, shook her head sadly and said "Oh, I see you're not having any contractions." I was like "That comes as a surprise to me, as I'm having a big one _right now_."

Sheesh!


----------



## cjanelles

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
I was 19 when my first baby was born. I managed 20 hours without drugs before I asked for some pain relief.

The nurse's response?

"Next time, use a condom."

She left and never did come back with drugs. She was obviously trying to teach me a lesson.







:

This reminds me of what the on-call OB said to me when I was delivering my second baby, a child I was relinquishing for adoption. I asked for some pain meds--not an epidural, but something to take the edge off--and the OB said:

"Oh no, if you're giving this baby away, you need to remember every bit of this pain so you don't get yourself in this situation again."

Oh yeah. That's right. I was 20 and stupid. I should have sued his ass.


----------



## white_queen_22

Oh my gosh - I am laughing so hard reading this thread. 

In my CBE yahoo group someone psoted about a birth they attended as a doula. THe mother was pushing and a nurse said encouragingly as the baby crowned "Oh - I see a lot of hair!".

To which the mother paused her pushing efforts to reply "Sorry. I didn't have time to shave before I came in."

LOL!

Angela <><


----------



## Ruthla

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeybee* 
I think I'm going to give a specific script to my birth team for this next birth. Here are the ONLY things they're allowed to say (inbetween contractions)

--Answer a direct question by me.
--Tell me how great I'm doing.
--Ask me if I would like a drink or if I want a wet washcloth or need anything.

All other commentary is prohibited!










Birth attendents should be seen and not heard.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *khanni* 
It's no joke. I had homebirths with both my kids and had no urge to push with the first. After being fully dilated for quite some time, my CNM finally suggested I just start pushing anyway. I pushed for 4.5 hours before my daughter was born. It was frustrating, exhausting, counterintuitive, and excruciatingly painful.

I wonder what would have happened if you'd waited for the urge to push to come- maybe after 8 or 12 hours of rest, you could have had an easier time pushing?

I'm very happy to say that I don't have any personal anecdotes to add to this thread.


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *attachedmamaof3* 
My middle son's birth was EXTREMELY precipitous and at one point, my husband was on the phone telling the MW to HURRY...(I'd reached up inside and touched the baby's head/amniotic sac)...he comes running into the bathroom where I am on hands/knees and says "The MW says DON'T PUSH!"

I said (honestly trying not to push) "I'm TRYING not to push but my body is MAKING me!" He ran back to the phone and apparently passed that message on verbatim.

Whelp, to make a short story even shorter, about 10 minutes later--AFTER the baby was born, my MW runs in with one shoe on, bursts through the door, storms down the hallway and sees me in bed nursing.

The look on her face was priceless and *she goes (kind of in a mock angry voice) "I thought I told you NOT to push."*









: Good GAWD that pisses me off.

Anytime I hear a story about a mom being told not to push my blood pressure rockets through the roof. Jeez, ppl its NOT the MW's birth









Back in the day nurses were told to tie a womens legs together if the mother's body was trying to push her baby out before the doctor arrived. This happened to my Aunt who in turn had a severely brain damaged child as a result.

This is why I'm having an Unassisted birth with my future babies.

I also hate when the MW or OB's say, "Time to get the placenta out."







:

MW said this and I told her, "No, I'm not ready yet. I don't feel any contractions yet, we should wait." To which she replied, "Oh, you don't feel any pain anyways, you won't feel any contractions to know when its time to deliver the placenta." Then without warning she said, "Now cough like you're a smoker." WTF? I'm not a SMOKER YOU







<<insert UAV of choice here>>







She proceeded to pull the cord in oder to take the placenta and AND




























her assistant says, "Uh, whats that?"

It was my uterus.









MW pulled part of my uterus out of my body. Ofcourse she pushed it back in and jammed down on my abdomen while trying to cover her a$$ by saying, "You're just bleeding a little more than expected." She LIED


----------



## Materfamilias

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fruitful womb* 
:MW pulled part of my uterus out of my body. Ofcourse she pushed it back in and jammed down on my abdomen while trying to cover her a$$ by saying, "You're just bleeding a little more than expected." She LIED









OMG!!!!!!!







:


----------



## majikfaerie

fruitfulwomb... OMFG. I'm so sorry that happened. I don't think there's much I could say about your MW that wouldn't get me banned, so i'll just leave it at that.


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

fruitfulwomb, an excellent argument FOR UC. That is a terrifying experience - and after you alread told her "no" as plain as you could tell her. Sheesh.


----------



## Shelsi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ishyfishie* 







During my labor, I woke up in transition and was throwing up, which I almost NEVER do. I went to wake up dh and he said, "Do you think this is it?" Since I felt like I was just in constant, cramping pain without being able to distinguish contractions and since we had gone out for dinner the night before, I said, "I don't think so, I think I have food poisoning! How do you feel?"

He just stared at me and said, "Uh, I feel fine. I'm pretty sure you're in labor."

LOL I just read this one to dh and he said you should have named your LO "little baby Salmonella" LMAO


----------



## ishyfishie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shelsi* 
LOL I just read this one to dh and he said you should have named your LO "little baby Salmonella" LMAO









Another nickname to add to the list! I have to tell dh that one. At the time, he was still shaking his head over how I woke him up--"Um, dh, I think I need you to be awake right now." I *meant* I was going to try to lay down but wanted him to wake up and rub my back, but I ended up running (well, waddlecreeping) back to the bathroom before I explained anything past that statement!


----------



## Shelsi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommal* 
Oh, I know she was right, all right! That nurse was just an idiot, and I could tell my MW thought so, too. Earlier in labor the monitor slipped out of position and the same idiot nurse came and looked at the printout, shook her head sadly and said "Oh, I see you're not having any contractions." I was like "That comes as a surprise to me, as I'm having a big one _right now_."

This happened to me and is a big reason my first birth was so terrible. I had an elective induction (yeah I was super mainstream back then), I had taken no classes at all because I wanted the epidural right away. Well the contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. I was writhing around the bed in agony and crying which I never do in front of people. I kept begging for my epidural but the nurses just smirked at me and said I wasn't even contracting. They finally listened to me when I told them I felt like I had to poop and maybe that would make me feel better (of course I was starting to push at that point). I have nothing but hatred for those nurses who wouldn't listen to me. It still makes me really upset over 4 yrs later. They were just horrible. And I don't think I have that strong of feeling of hatred towards anyone else in my life.


----------



## barefootpoetry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fruitful womb* 

MW pulled part of my uterus out of my body. Ofcourse she pushed it back in and jammed down on my abdomen while trying to cover her a$$ by saying, "You're just bleeding a little more than expected." She LIED









OMFG. That's horrible!







: How did you know it was your uterus? Did you know right then what she was doing or did you find out later? Did anything bad happen as a result of this? I ask because I am reading my medical records for the first time today and am finding a TON of stuff that no one told me happened.


----------



## ishyfishie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 
OMFG. That's horrible!







: How did you know it was your uterus? Did you know right then what she was doing or did you find out later? Did anything bad happen as a result of this? I ask because I am reading my medical records for the first time today and am finding a TON of stuff that no one told me happened.









Maybe a dumb question, but I'd like to see my records from the hospital as well. Do you contact the hospital directly to request that or would I go through my midwives?


----------



## barefootpoetry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ishyfishie* 
Maybe a dumb question, but I'd like to see my records from the hospital as well. Do you contact the hospital directly to request that or would I go through my midwives?

I called the hospital and they told me what building to go to to get them. I filled out a form, and then a few days later they called and told me they had them ready for me to pick up.


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 
OMFG. That's horrible!







: How did you know it was your uterus? Did you know right then what she was doing or did you find out later? Did anything bad happen as a result of this? I ask because I am reading my medical records for the first time today and am finding a TON of stuff that no one told me happened.









This happened April 9th 2007. I didn't question the apprentice's reaction at the time (I should have) but a few weeks after the birth I complained to MW about seeing my vagina bulging out.

I just put lots of clues together and kept asking questions during my post-natal appointments. It was during a pp appointment when she admitted to pushing apart of my uterus back in.

Its been over a yr since then. I've been doing kegels like crazy and following the 'Whole Women' guide for wellness. My prolapse has significantly improved.

Mamas DON'T LET YOUR MW or OB EVER PULL ON THE CORD TO YOUR PLACENTA AND WAIT TILL YOU FEEL LIKE IT HAS TO BE EXPELLED! You'll know. It'll cramp like crazy. Just let your baby nurse a while. The sucking will cause the contractions your body needs to aid the placenta out of your uterus. NO ONE SHOULD EVER PULL ON THE CORD!

ok, sorry for derailing here.


----------



## tireesix

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fruitful womb* 
This happened April 9th 2007. I didn't question the apprentice's reaction at the time (I should have) but a few weeks after the birth I complained to MW about seeing my vagina bulging out.

I just put lots of clues together and kept asking questions during my post-natal appointments. It was during a pp appointment when she admitted to pushing apart of my uterus back in.

Its been over a yr since then. I've been doing kegels like crazy and following the 'Whole Women' guide for wellness. My prolapse has significantly improved.

Mamas DON'T LET YOUR MW or OB EVER PULL ON THE CORD TO YOUR PLACENTA AND WAIT TILL YOU FEEL LIKE IT HAS TO BE EXPELLED! You'll know. It'll cramp like crazy. Just let your baby nurse a while. The sucking will cause the contractions your body needs to aid the placenta out of your uterus. NO ONE SHOULD EVER PULL ON THE CORD!

ok, sorry for derailing here.









WOW, is about all I have to say.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shelsi* 
This happened to me and is a big reason my first birth was so terrible. I had an elective induction (yeah I was super mainstream back then), I had taken no classes at all because I wanted the epidural right away. Well the contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. I was writhing around the bed in agony and crying which I never do in front of people. I kept begging for my epidural but the nurses just smirked at me and said I wasn't even contracting. They finally listened to me when I told them I felt like I had to poop and maybe that would make me feel better (of course I was starting to push at that point). I have nothing but hatred for those nurses who wouldn't listen to me. It still makes me really upset over 4 yrs later. They were just horrible. And I don't think I have that strong of feeling of hatred towards anyone else in my life.









What exactly is the point of those monitors? Seems like they mostly train nurses out of being able to properly do their jobs.


----------



## juicypakwan

With my first (homebirth) I had a new midwife and her back up and as I was pushing she just got scared and said "I can't do this" as in I can't/don't want to catch the baby to which her back up said yes you can. I tuned out my midwife and listened to the back up after that. I was thinking later shouldn't that have been me saying that?!?

My third a transfer for drugs ( didn't get any long story did UC for #4) the anestheseologist was there running his finger up my back I said nevermind it's too late and he said no it's not. He didn't know babe was crowning and I was touching her head. No one else knew either until the nurse checked and hollered for the doc. I was then told not to push and I could hear them breaking down the bed so I pushed harder and the doc only had one glove on while trying to catch the baby. I managed to push her out before they broke down the bed so not one really caught her. I kinda wondered why they didn't let a nurse catch the babe who already had gloves on than someone fumbling with a glove. Seems kinda ridiculous.

I am so sorry for some of these things that have happened to women. It seems so many care providers have NO RESPECT, caring , understanding or compassion. I mean really clamping a hemostat on a woman's vagina and showing to her sounds like a sicko to me!!!How the hell do they think we survived as a species?!? IDIOTS!! Makes me want to scream sometimes.


----------



## juicypakwan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 

Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.









.


This is what I was refering to in my above post. The lack of humanity and respect for another person's body is horrifying. Man would I love to attach a clamp to his *you know what*!?! and then fillet his privats and see if he thinks that's funny.


----------



## cottonwood

_"Do you want this baby to come out?"_ -- said by my first midwife when I wasn't pushing to her satisfaction.


----------



## applejuice

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
What exactly is the point of those monitors?

Electronic Fetal Monitors, internal and external, were originally developed for very high risk women in labor. The convenience of monitors were soon realized and soon every woman in the labor rooms had a monitor attached to them, thereby confining laboring women to bed, exposing babies to continuous and intermittent wave ultrasound, and giving all doctors a nice continuous paper strip to use as evidence in case of a malpractice suit.

The doctor who developed them decried their routine use for every single woman in labor.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice* 
Electronic Fetal Monitors, internal and external, were originally developed for very high risk women in labor. The convenience of monitors were soon realized and soon every woman in the labor rooms had a monitor attached to them, thereby confining laboring women to bed, exposing babies to continuous and intermittent wave ultrasound, and giving all doctors a nice continuous paper strip to use as evidence in case of a malpractice suit.

The doctor who developed them decried their routine use for every single woman in labor.

So they were, like many other tools of the trade, designed to assist skilled medical personnel in doing their jobs during high risk labors? And now people are being taught how to use the tool instead of the skills that should accompany the tool? Ugh, an engineer who relied that much on tools without knowing what the tools were supposed to be doing wouldn't have a job. And most of the time that engineer wouldn't even be the only line of defense for something going wrong.


----------



## StarMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fourlittlebirds* 
_"Do you want this baby to come out?"_ -- said by my first midwife when I wasn't pushing to her satisfaction.

Why no, I think I'll wait until they are ready to go to college to push the kid out!


----------



## CallMeMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shelsi* 
This happened to me and is a big reason my first birth was so terrible. I had an elective induction (yeah I was super mainstream back then), I had taken no classes at all because I wanted the epidural right away. Well the contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. I was writhing around the bed in agony and crying which I never do in front of people. I kept begging for my epidural but the nurses just smirked at me and said I wasn't even contracting. They finally listened to me when I told them I felt like I had to poop and maybe that would make me feel better (of course I was starting to push at that point). I have nothing but hatred for those nurses who wouldn't listen to me. It still makes me really upset over 4 yrs later. They were just horrible. And I don't think I have that strong of feeling of hatred towards anyone else in my life.

Same thing happened to me! I had one nurse actually tell me I should wait until the pain got really bad, I didn't want to waste my pain meds yet (I was pushing within the hour). When they finally gave in and had someone from Anesthesia come in and talk to me I was in the middle of transition and puking, so the woman left, and when my nurse came back in I asked again about pain meds and she said "Anesthesia was in here, you never said anything to them." Uh, 'cause I was busy puking and I had no idea who that person was, maybe?!


----------



## sweeetpea

At a birth I was supporting last week - mama was doing a great job tuning into her body and ignoring all the hospital crap.









AS she was pushing on her hands and knees on the bed, the OB asked her to flip over onto her back for the delivery. She did not acknowledge him. then the ridiculous nurse burst out with *"You have to turn over so the doctor can get the baby out!!!"* then looked at me like I should make her do that.

Gosh, mama stayed right where she was and the baby came out all by itself, can you imagine that???


----------



## holly6737

During my first birth (which ended in a c-section) I was in the process of being diagnosed as "failiure to progress". I had an epidural (I was completely uneducated about all things dealing with childbirth at the time) and absolutely couldn't move or feel anything below my chest. I was lying down on my back and wanted to sit up. I asked the nurse if she could please help me sit up. Her reply "You progress faster lying down". At the time, I thought that just didn't make sense, because of gravity and all, but what did I know, I was just a patient. Now of course, I know she was either a complete idiot or just didn't feel like putting forth the effort to help me sit up.


----------



## finnegansmom

My dear dear husband, in the throes of transition with me writhing on the bed, spilling profanity like a truck driver, bent down and whispered to me..."Honey, you should know you're kind of being rude right now..."

Had I had the mobility, I would have reached over the clubbed him... LOL


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *finnegansmom* 
My dear dear husband, in the throes of transition with me writhing on the bed, spilling profanity like a truck driver, bent down and whispered to me..."Honey, you should know you're kind of being rude right now..."

Had I had the mobility, I would have reached over the clubbed him... LOL

Lucky for him you had a baby to distract you later on.


----------



## yarngoddess

For all you that have a sad story...




























:








I have cried, laughed and yelled at my computer reading this thread. Thank You all for sharing your very personal births.

For my first I spent 4months on bedrest, in the hospital 2x for mag and more, on major medication (trebutaline, vistaril, mag, steroids) for PreTerm Labor. I was transfered from my hospital (where I worked also) to a bigger hospital. The gurney in the ambulance was like a metal slab - cold, hard, and SUPER uncomfortable. My dear friend from the ICU was the nurse that stayed 3 hrs after shift change to transfer me. She was awesome (and she didn't remember me because we only worked together 1 time) but the ambulance guy was an idiot. I'm 28weeks at this point- I'm having ctx every 5 min, I have an amniotic leak and this guy says *"Well, let's hope you get to deliver in a more comfortable bed!"* My nurse punched him in the arm, as I layed there crying. Then in the new hospital- I'm greeted by 15 "resident" doctors- ALL who watched me being transfered to a hospital bed. They put me flat on my back- put a wash TUB with a baby blanket in it UNDER my butt and tried to do a speculum check while I'm trying to hold my hips up on this damn thing. I'm crying because this idiot that's a doctor keeps hitting my cervix, they are all talking ABOUT me, the door is open and I finally pulled the tub out and said "You ALL get OUT!!! I'm not a lab rat" and they all just stared at me like I was speaking a new language. Then the head doc says "well, do you want to keep this baby or have it die?" I told her to leave my room, or I'd have her malpractice insurance support me for life. She didn't say another word to me for 3 weeks that I was there. The idiot that tried to do the speculum inspection would come in EVERY morning at 5am and ask "How do you feel today?" idiot. My fav comment was "we can't call the doctor- it's 1am! He's sleeping, and I'm not waking him up to see if he changed your orders. He can change them tomorrow" yeah.

With Jacob's actual delivery my reg. OBGYN came in the room and my uber christian mother was praying quietly to her self. He asked what she was doing, she told hiim, he says "Why would you do that?" he later told my DH that if I didn't push faster (20 min from 4cm to delivery) things were going to get "Expensive" He's lucky I didn't hear that.

With baby #2 all that was said was "I'm betting you will be a c-section by the end of the day" by a mw. Yeah. I was in labor for 7 hours- one ctx delivery and MW had only 1 glove. She said "Wow- that was the best pushing I've ever seen! What's your secret?"









Baby #3 is too much for me to talk about. Let's just say it was my PTSD delivery. The PP nurse asked what the baby's name was, Jensen. She says "Oh, well I only like good itallian names, all those silly new names just sound dumb." Jensen was my grandmothers' name. Yeah. Same nurse "Well, you CAN'T leave with out your formula bag, what will she eat when you figure out that breastfeeding is too hard? No, you can't leave with out this bag- you will have to sign AMA if you don't take this bag." She got YELLED at by my OB- who over heard this conversation.

Baby #4. WOW- Ok My water broke the day my OBGYN went on 3 days vacation. I was 35 wks 6days. So, they didn't do anything but admit me that night- my DH couldn't be there because no one would help with the older children. I had a doula- but we had never met until that night! My nurse, had a TREMMOR disorder- shaking hands!!!! She kept trying to give me medication and an IV with all this shaking! I was so freaked! So- I was admitted at 4cm- ctx all night water gushing. So at 8am they start pit With OUT checking me!! Long story short I delivered in 50min after that. Well I had a head cold- and couldn't breathe through my nose. So, inbetween my every 2min pit contractions my Doula and Nurse would YELL "Kellie, you HAVE to BREATHE!! The baby will not get any oxygen if you don't breathe!" I was trying to swallow because my mouth and throat were totally dry due to being sick! So, they try to put on an internal monitor, and it hurs SO bad that I keep pulling it out becuase it hurts- the nurse says "Keep that on- how will the doc's know the baby is alive if you don't keep it on" DURING delivery!!! Then they start SCREAMING "OMG You are CROWNING! You are CROWNING!" like it's a new thing! then I hear "YOU can't do that on the bed! You can't deliver on the bed with no DOCTOR!! OMG YOU DELIVERED ON THE BED!!!" I'm so relieved that the pain is over I said "Pick him up you idiot!" which she did and starts SCREAMING "HELP HELP I NEED RESPATORY STAT!" over and over. This other nurse looks in and say "No, You need a towel!"







I died laughing! So, the nurse is holding my little man in runs the Doctor and the other nurses and the anesthesiologist come in, looks around RUNS out, comes back and says to me "Is there anything I can do to help?" I laughed then too! I said Yeah, I need some pain meds- stat.

One of the worst was after my littlest was born- he was in the nursery because he had some breathing issues. I have severe pain due to over seperated hips- and had 20mg of nubain (pain meds) and was TOTALLY drugged after my delivery. My ped (new at the time) comes in and tries to tell me how he's doing and all I remember was "Well, he doesn't need a feeding tube yet, but he might in a few hours" and I passed out again. She told me later that she had said "No, he won't need any feeding tubes or any serious interventions. We won't vax him either because his lungs aren't strong enough" I didn't hear any of that.

The best was when my DS was released from the nursery. They called his ped at 2am to ask if he could go to my room because he was doing better. She said YES- Immediately! Then nurse brought him in and I was a blubbering puddle of mommy and she said "You have such a wonderful baby! I was extra careful because he's so perfect" It made my moment! I stripped him down and put him on my chest because it was the 2nd time I had touched him in almost 24hrs. I'm crying now just remembering!

Thank you all for sharing your stories!














:


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yarngoddess* 
She got YELLED at by my OB- who over heard this conversation.









Ye-es!!! I love reading about good medical people giving bad medical people whatfor.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yarngoddess* 
Then nurse brought him in and I was a blubbering puddle of mommy and she said "You have such a wonderful baby! I was extra careful because he's so perfect"

This made me start







crying. Now there's a nurse who was born for her job.


----------



## Summertime Mommy

When I was giving birth to Imogen, I started screaming "get her out," not really to the midwives, just because I was in so much pain, and at some point the midwife said, "no one can get her out but you honey." I guess she thought I was talking to her, but at the time I wanted to smack her.


----------



## malibusunny

the dumbest thing that was said at my birth was "i'm only giving you another half hour because if this baby comes down any further without coming out, we'll have to break your pelvis to do the c-section."


----------



## CherryBomb

After dd3 was born (immediately after!) dh looked at me and said "I'm tired, I'm gonna go to your mom's and take a nap." I wanted to throttle him.








:


----------



## whalemilk

The senior midwife at my first birth had a bad case of "don't wanna be here" or something:

"I can't check you like that!!!" (I was on my hands and knees and already pushing.)

"I can't catch your baby like that!!!" (I was still on hands and knees, but not for much longer, obviously.)

"You're going to have to actually WORK to get this baby out!" (Uh yeah, you may have noticed that I've broken a sweat, here.)

"OH just tell yourself to stop bleeding!" (Trust me, we've been talking about it, but my body says as long as you're yelling at me, it's going to keep pumping adrenalin.)

"No! Hold your breast out of the way! Don't make him choose between breathing and nursing!" ("Advice" given seconds into my first attempt at nursing my DAUGHTER.)

LOL, it's funny in retrospect, especially knowing she won't be at my upcoming birth.


----------



## LucyRev

I had a mean nurse (we called her "the mean nurse" the whole hospital stay) tell me that too! My DD was a preemie, hooked up to monitors because she stopped breathing for a minute. When I said I wanted to try to breastfeed her when she was about 90 minutes old, mean nurse said, "She needs to figure out how to breathe first." I told her we were going to try anyway! She did just fine. I only got to hold her for maybe 10 minutes before she was wisked away to the NICU and I was left completely alone with the midwife stitching me up for 45 minutes. My family and DH went with my DD which was good I guess, but it was a very bizarre feeling.

There are so many sad stories here.


----------



## mlec

Wow. I read the whole thread. Some of these stories are truly horrifying.

I'll add my own (stupid, not horrifying) annecdote when I get a chance.


----------



## gwerydd

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
This made me start







crying. Now there's a nurse who was born for her job.

the L&D nurse i had after dd's emergency c-section was wonderful. dd was taken to the NICU about 20 minutes after she was born due to breathing issues. my nurse would go and look in on her and give me reports on how she was doing, she kept telling me how beautiful my baby was and how great she was doing. it was so reassuring to me. unfortunatly i didn't get to see dd myself until the next day because i was too unstable and had to be in the ICU overnight.


----------



## Trinitty

Quote:

this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?

nak

okay, that one woke the baby up!








:









DH complained about being tired the next day... but quickly caught himself and said that i was the wrong person to complain to. he and the midwfe were great.

seriously though, some of these stories make me want to be a birth advocate.


----------



## Trinitty

oh yeah, i forgot. dh was hilarious.

after the birth and placenta, baby is nursing i my arms and the mw is about to sew up my wonky tear and is ready to give me a local.

MW: "now, this won't hurt much, just like a bee sting"

DH: "that's right honey, just like a bee stinging you in the vagina."

the whole room laughed. sisters, 2 mws and me.

trin


----------



## Baby Makes 4

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 

MW: "now, this won't hurt much, just like a bee sting"

DH: "that's right honey, just like a bee stinging you in the vagina."

I just laughed until I cried. That is just about the funniest thing I have ever heard.


----------



## LucyRev

:
Ohhhh my gosh. That was a good one!! Thanks


----------



## majikfaerie

really, i should stop reading this thread







:


----------



## ~Megan~

I can't remember anything from when dd was born. But before she was born, I was about 36 weeks, we were having sex and when I stood up blood just gushed out. My legs were completely covered and it was pooling on the floor. I immediately jumped in the shower and had dh call 911 because I was freaked out by all this bright red blood. It continued coming out in the shower and eventually stopped, I think I might have lost my mucous plug too.

When the very slow ambulance took me to the hospital the rude night nurse there asked me how much blood I lost and I said it had to be at least 1/2 a cup. She gave me a look like I was stupid and then said, "How do you know it was half a cup?" Why ask if you don't want my answer? Why ask if you aren't going to believe me.
The bleeding stopped and I went home without ever seeing a doctor and no information was given to me.

I do also remember being told by a nurse that I had flat nipples and that they were too small to breastfeed. At this point they were sticking straight out and were double the size they were before I was pregnant. I, of couse, do not have flat nipples she just didn't know what she was talking about. Instead she got us hooked on a sheild which caused all sorts of problems.


----------



## Marlet

I'm only to page 3 but I am dying here!

Only one I can think of came out of my mouth.







We had transferred in with my first (pain killer only....she was born within an hour of getting there) and the stupid nurse is asking the same questions over and over. After being asked for the third what my name was (she could have glanced up the page she was filling out and answered herself) I answered with, "Do you mind? I don't think we need to do this right now!" She started asking DH after that.









Fast forward a few minutes and the same nurse is trying to convince me I need to have my water broken. I asked why since I was just about ready to push and knew it wasn't needed. She replied with, "It'll help the baby get here". I just stared at her and said, "she's obviously coming, I think I'll pass".

After I got my pain killer I mentioned my blood felt cold, not *I* felt but my blood. I knew something was wrong. She rolled her eyes and told me that was normal. I reiterated it wasn't my temp. or skin that felt cold but my blood, it felt likke it suddenly weighed a ton. I passed out cold about 30 seconds later and required 2 bags of drugs to bring my blood pressure up high enough to even deem me alive.







:


----------



## hipumpkins

When I was in labor with my DD I had my back pressed up against the guardrail on the bed and I was on my side with my legs bent so my feet and were hanging off the bed (not sure if you can picture that)
A nurse came in and said I couldn't lie, "hanging off the bed"
I said it was a good position and it felt better this way.
she said, "well you must need c-section of your in that much pain"


----------



## Narn

When I was getting ready to push (on my back with no feeling from the waist down and my legs in stirrups) the nurse squirted Johnsons Baby Shampoo into my vagina. She was swishing it around, and my sister asked her what she was doing. She said:

"I can make bubbles!"

That's pretty stupid!!!!!


----------



## Narn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
During the birth of my first daughter I was pushing like a mad woman (the babe was sunny-side up and BIG!) and I had been moaning loudly and being kinda loud. During a quiet moment, my OB ripped a HUGE fart and he (jokingly) blamed it on me saying "Don't push THAT hard." Everyone knew better and he was totally embarrassed. I now work for him and remind him of that "incident" every now and then.

That's HILARIOUS!


----------



## Shilohsmom

While I was pushing my DS out...DH took the digital "down there" to take a few pics and then came delightfully back to my side and said, "Look honey, he's RIGHT THERE...you're so close"

Like no *#)$, Sherlock. I know exactly where he is...I can feel his almost 10lb self trying to squeeze out of my vagina...I don't need a digital reminder of the fact







:


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Narn* 
When I was getting ready to push (on my back with no feeling from the waist down and my legs in stirrups) the nurse squirted Johnsons Baby Shampoo into my vagina. She was swishing it around, and my sister asked her what she was doing. She said:

"I can make bubbles!"

That's pretty stupid!!!!!









Whaaaaaaat??? I've never heard of this. Shampoo? Why?!?!


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shilohsmom* 
While I was pushing my DS out...DH took the digital "down there" to take a few pics and then came delightfully back to my side and said, "Look honey, he's RIGHT THERE...you're so close"

Like no *#)$, Sherlock. I know exactly where he is...I can feel his almost 10lb self trying to squeeze out of my vagina...I don't need a digital reminder of the fact







:

He SHOWED you the picture??







:


----------



## Shilohsmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
He SHOWED you the picture??







:

Oh yes, he showed me. Its too funny now...but at the time I was SOOO annoyed!


----------



## Narn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
Whaaaaaaat??? I've never heard of this. Shampoo? Why?!?!

I don't know. I posted about it a few months ago.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=830292


----------



## mytwogirls

Ohhh I have to add another one I just thought of when I was watching my first daughter's birth video. While I was pushing my 9lbs 2oz posterior girl out (and I am only 100lbs myself so you could imagine!) my hubby was watching me push and then looked up at me with HUGE eyes and said "Oh my god it is really true!"
I said "What is true?" as I am still pushing.
He said "Well, Mark (his fishing buddy) said women poop during delivery, but wow you just pooped a WHOLE bunch. I thought he was telling me a lie."
Ohhhh I could have kicked him in the head after that.







:


----------



## UnassistedMomma

Oh, I sincerely hope that he and Mark didn't get together to confer on your poop afterwards!! I would definitely have kicked him!!


----------



## veronicalynne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Narn* 
I don't know. I posted about it a few months ago.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=830292


I just read your other post that you linked....did they ever get back to you about the nurse and what she did? or are you still waiting? I am still cringing....sometimes when I wash "down there" it gets irritated and that is just the outside.......I cant imagine how it must have been for you


----------



## veronicalynne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Ohhh I have to add another one I just thought of when I was watching my first daughter's birth video. While I was pushing my 9lbs 2oz posterior girl out (and I am only 100lbs myself so you could imagine!) my hubby was watching me push and then looked up at me with HUGE eyes and said "Oh my god it is really true!"
I said "What is true?" as I am still pushing.
He said "Well, Mark (his fishing buddy) said women poop during delivery, but wow you just pooped a WHOLE bunch. I thought he was telling me a lie."
Ohhhh I could have kicked him in the head after that.







:


laughup I had the nurse talk about how huge my *ahem* during delivery was but thankfully my doula gave her hell.


----------



## amitymama

I only found out the other day that I pooped in labour with DD and NOT when I was pushing! DH never mentioned it to me until we were talking about how if that happens this time he needs to fish it out of the pool. I didn't think I had done it last time or if I had that it was when I was pushing and DH was up by my head. Bless him for never mentioning it and embarrassing me.

Stupidest thing said to me in labour was the midwife when I first arrived. I had only been in labour for a few hours but went ahead and came in because they were every two minutes and sometimes double peaked already. My mom had all of her babies in under six hours so I was conscious of the possibility that I could be a fast birther, even for a first-timer. When I was approaching the birth centre desk to check in I stopped to have a contraction and then about one minute later, had to stop and have another one. The midwife rolled her eyes and said "Oh, come on now, that can't be another one already, you're probably 2cm at most." Turns out I was only 4cm but DD was posterior so that explained the cntx being so close together. Stupid cow.







:


----------



## Full Heart

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
Stupidest thing said to me in labour was the midwife when I first arrived. I had only been in labour for a few hours but went ahead and came in because they were every two minutes and sometimes double peaked already. My mom had all of her babies in under six hours so I was conscious of the possibility that I could be a fast birther, even for a first-timer. When I was approaching the birth centre desk to check in I stopped to have a contraction and then about one minute later, had to stop and have another one. The midwife rolled her eyes and said "Oh, come on now, that can't be another one already, you're probably 2cm at most." Turns out I was only 4cm but DD was posterior so that explained the cntx being so close together. Stupid cow.







:

Yea thats pretty stupid. When I had ptl my contrax were every 2 min (and confirmed on the monitor) and I was only 1 cm.


----------



## Marlet

I've been reading this to my DH and he reminded me of one!

We had been planning a UC with our first and when my older brother found out he had plenty to say. He actually called me up one day to ask me some questions and when my "hippy dippy" answers didn't satisfy him he ended the conversation with this gem:

Him: What are you going to do when your laying on your living room floor bleeding everywhere and have a placenta sliding all over the wood floor? Bring your dog in to help with the clean up?

Not his finest moment.


----------



## llamalluv

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 
I've been reading this to my DH and he reminded me of one!

We had been planning a UC with our first and when my older brother found out he had plenty to say. He actually called me up one day to ask me some questions and when my "hippy dippy" answers didn't satisfy him he ended the conversation with this gem:

Him: What are you going to do when your laying on your living room floor bleeding everywhere and have a placenta sliding all over the wood floor? Bring your dog in to help with the clean up?

Not his finest moment.

Wow. What a peach.

I totally would have replied, "No way in heck is the DOG going to eat my placenta - it's for company. When can you come for supper, brother?"


----------



## Belia

I think this may be my favorite thread of all time!









Is it wrong of me to hope that someone says something stupid during MY birth so I can add a story, too? Not hurtful-stupid, of course, but just hilarious-stupid.


----------



## kundemama

This thread is too funny!
The nurse said, "just do a little push." It was followed by, "that wasn't a little push."


----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *llamalluv* 
Wow. What a peach.

I totally would have replied, "No way in heck is the DOG going to eat my placenta - it's for company. When can you come for supper, brother?"


----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belia* 
I think this may be my favorite thread of all time!









Is it wrong of me to hope that someone says something stupid during MY birth so I can add a story, too? Not hurtful-stupid, of course, but just hilarious-stupid.

Oh I'm sure. I think a lot of people just don't know *what* to say at a birth, but don't have the good sense to keep their mouths SHUT!









-----------------

I've got one from DH, not during the actual birth, but I'd been having pre-labour off and on for a couple weeks before DD was born. She was born November 25th 2006, and my birthday is Nov 23rd, which also happened to be Thanksgiving that year. So DH has his friend over for our little thanksgiving dinner, they're cooking a turkey and everything (I'm a vegetarian, so I left that up to them) and I was having some pretty good contractions (and back labour, she was posterior) AND it was my birthday, and DH starts asking me to make candied yams. I was like "Make them yourself, I'm having contractions on my birthday and I'm NOT in the mood to cook!" and he kept insisting that he didn't know how to make them (I told him step by step but he kept saying he'd mess them up somehow and that I'd make them better) Grrrrr!!!







:


----------



## majikfaerie

@ othermothernmadre's bil : hey! where's the puking smilie? cant find the little guy


----------



## Narn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 
OMFG. That's horrible!







: How did you know it was your uterus? Did you know right then what she was doing or did you find out later? Did anything bad happen as a result of this? I ask because I am reading my medical records for the first time today and am finding a TON of stuff that no one told me happened.









That's funny. I requested my medical records and noticed there is stuff that happened that _wasn't_ written down.


----------



## MCatLvrMom2A&X

I had dd in the hospital because that is what my family wanted







anyway I was having piggy back ctx lasting 70-90 seconds with a break of about 10-30 seconds between. I am NOT a quiet woman in labor







especially with her so I was yelling as loud as I could during them and a nurse actually came in and told me I had to be quiet because I was scaring the other woman in labor







:

I remember looking at her like she was a pile of steaming doggy







: on the floor and I continued to loudly yell through the rest of my labor.

I dont regret for one minute yelling because it helped me cope with the pain and I wa able to still have dd after 12 hours of these piggy back ctx with no pain meds the way I wanted.

When the dr started stitching me up after cutting me which I had requested he NOT do. He stuck the needle in without numbing me first and when I said OUCH he said oh does that hurt







: no I just like saying ouch for the fun of it.







:


----------



## Narn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veronicalynne* 
I just read your other post that you linked....did they ever get back to you about the nurse and what she did? or are you still waiting? I am still cringing....sometimes when I wash "down there" it gets irritated and that is just the outside.......I cant imagine how it must have been for you









The hospital just sent that one letter saying they were investigating. I haven't heard back from Johnsons since I signed a paper giving them permission to get a copy of my medical records from the hospital.


----------



## kitkat5505

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MCatLvrMom2A&X* 
I had dd in the hospital because that is what my family wanted







anyway I was having piggy back ctx lasting 70-90 seconds with a break of about 10-30 seconds between. I am NOT a quiet woman in labor







especially with her so I was yelling as loud as I could during them and a nurse actually came in and told me I had to be quiet because I was scaring the other woman in labor







:

I remember looking at her like she was a pile of steaming doggy







: on the floor and I continued to loudly yell through the rest of my labor.

I dont regret for one minute yelling because it helped me cope with the pain and I wa able to still have dd after 12 hours of these piggy back ctx with no pain meds the way I wanted.

This happened to me too, but luckily I didn't hear it or I sure would have had something to say! Everyone who was with me says a doctor or nurse came in and said I needed to be quiet cuz I was scaring the 17yr old in labor down the hall. She's just lucky I was too busy having a baby to hear her.


----------



## Thursday Girl

headed for the hospital at 9 1/2 cm. Dh had to stop for gas.

after having the baby a nurse argued with me over who was more tired. i had been in labor for 26 hours. I dropped it, b/c she wasn't/

Went into labor naturally, DD latched on right after birth, but didn't eat too much. She didn't want to wake up to eat. They kept threating to give her formula if I couldn't get her to wake up. I dind't know much with my 1st birth, but i did know that she had food stores saved up. They did give her sugar water, then i got smart and started lying to them.

They walked in and saw dh, dd, and i laying in bed resting, and told us not to do that b/c we would kill the baby.

(this one is actually funny)The midwife said "Oh my!" while i was pushing DD's head out. Totally freaked me out. When she saw the look on my face she explained. DD had knit her brows and looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. Very calmly you know. Her full head wasn't even out yet, she was only up to her nose.MW said "I have never seen a baby do that before."
(baby also did not cry after birth, but just looked around with this serious look as she tried to figure it all out.)

so that was all my first daughter.

nothing of note happened with #2 at the birth center.


----------



## Narn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thursday Girl* 
after having the baby a nurse argued with me over who was more tired. i had been in labor for 26 hours. I dropped it, b/c she wasn't.

Geez! When I got to the hospital I hadn't slept for at least two days and had been in labor for 20. I was so tired! And both nurses I had were complaining about how tired they were over and over! And my husband and sister were complaining about how tired they were. And I was so tired I wanted to cry! While I was pushing the nurse even closed her eyes and lowered her head in between contractions, because the poor woman was soooooo tired! Gah!


----------



## ~Boudicca~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 
I've been reading this to my DH and he reminded me of one!

We had been planning a UC with our first and when my older brother found out he had plenty to say. He actually called me up one day to ask me some questions and when my "hippy dippy" answers didn't satisfy him he ended the conversation with this gem:

Him: What are you going to do when your laying on your living room floor bleeding everywhere and have a placenta sliding all over the wood floor? Bring your dog in to help with the clean up?

Not his finest moment.

Oh NO!







What an a$$! So what did you say to him?


----------



## amis2girls

In labor with my third I was moaning/ gutteral yelling during transition. My OB was so surprised she asked me if I wanted an epidural at 8cm. The nurses and I looked at her for a second and then went back to work.







Maybe she'd never seen anyone productively using contractions?


----------



## PookieMom

The oddest thing for me was the first labor I ever witnessed. It was my friends little sister. She was around 17 and was in a lot of pain. She was moaning and crying and her grandma came in to "comfort" her. Yeah, she sat by her bed and held her hind, gently stroking it while she whispered in her ear, "you play you pay, sweety, you play you pay" over and over again. nice.


----------



## baileyann3

During my induced labor with no pain meds, I was in the birthing tub. My dp was there and the contractions were BAD. But we were doing great, I was completely in my own head, eyes closed, breathing through my contractions. (two hours later, the story was much different, but at this point, i was a trooper) So my mom came in... apparently it was alittle too quiet in there for her because she started asking the most ridiculous questions.
"So..... does this bath heat the water up by itself"
dp- no
"so... like will you have to put warm water in it again once it gets cold?"
dp- yes
"well will she have to get out or can you drain while shes in there?"
ME - STOP TRYING TO FILL THE SILENCE! SHUT UP OR GET OUT!!!!!
dp- *giggle*

she got out..


----------



## newmama8824

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PookieMom* 
The oddest thing for me was the first labor I ever witnessed. It was my friends little sister. She was around 17 and was in a lot of pain. She was moaning and crying and her grandma came in to "comfort" her. Yeah, she sat by her bed and held her hind, gently stroking it while she whispered in her ear, "you play you pay, sweety, you play you pay" over and over again. nice.

Wow,







that is disgusting.


----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PookieMom* 
The oddest thing for me was the first labor I ever witnessed. It was my friends little sister. She was around 17 and was in a lot of pain. She was moaning and crying and her grandma came in to "comfort" her. Yeah, she sat by her bed and held her hind, gently stroking it while she whispered in her ear, "you play you pay, sweety, you play you pay" over and over again. nice.

Uh wow. I would have decked her and started whispering in her ear "You say that kind of #@$% to a labouring woman, you pay."


----------



## barefootpoetry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
When I was approaching the birth centre desk to check in I stopped to have a contraction and then about one minute later, had to stop and have another one. The midwife rolled her eyes and said "Oh, come on now, that can't be another one already, you're probably 2cm at most." Turns out I was only 4cm but DD was posterior so that explained the cntx being so close together. Stupid cow.







:

I can relate to that one!







: I had a really long posterior labor and my contractions were on top of each other and very strong right from the beginning. Of course, none of the staff believed me.







Yes, I'm just being dramatic here to make your day more difficult - it's my new hobby!


----------



## hipmummy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 
I can relate to that one!







: I had a really long posterior labor and my contractions were on top of each other and very strong right from the beginning. Of course, none of the staff believed me.







Yes, I'm just being dramatic here to make your day more difficult - it's my new hobby!









: Dh kept saying well the contractions are close it must be any time now. ....................................16 hours later







:


----------



## merry-mary

Let's see ... probably the resident who did a cervical check on me at the hospital. I did a natural birth in a hospital and worked with a doula. Resident charges in and announces she is going to break my bag of water. I informed her that no, no she wasn't breaking my bag of water, but she could examine me when I was ready. I was due for a contraction and started to have one when she was checking me. I yelled for her to get her hands out - NO NO NO OUT OUT OUT GET OUT is what I said. She looked positively disgusted. When I finished my contraction I told her to go ahead and resume the check, which she did in an extremely rough manner and it took her forever (my doula thinks this was purposeful, as she has never ever seen a longer cervical check in the 30 some years she has been involved with laboring women).

At the end of her cervical check, Resident tells me "*you really need to get yourself under control.*". Um, sure! My husband followed her out and told her under no circumstances was she permitted back in our room; if I needed to be checked, my doctor or the attending on duty would do so, and if she so much as stepped foot in the room, either he would escort her out, or security would.


----------



## thefragile7393

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merry-mary* 
At the end of her cervical check, Resident tells me "*you really need to get yourself under control.*". Um, sure! My husband followed her out and told her under no circumstances was she permitted back in our room; if I needed to be checked, my doctor or the attending on duty would do so, and if she so much as stepped foot in the room, either he would escort her out, or security would.









I love your husband!!!!

PookieMom, that story just breaks my heart. I'm sure that's not what she was needing at that moment.


----------



## ThisLove

Me: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it hurts it hurts it hurts.
L&D Nurse: SHUT UP. YOU CAN'T MAKE NOISE WHILE YOU PUSH.


----------



## Thursday Girl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThisLove* 
Me: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it hurts it hurts it hurts.
L&D Nurse: SHUT UP. YOU CAN'T MAKE NOISE WHILE YOU PUSH.

i can't believe all of the horrible stories. It makes me so angry for you.


----------



## majikfaerie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
Uh wow. I would have decked her and started whispering in her ear "You say that kind of #@$% to a labouring woman, you pay."









:


----------



## gabysmom617

The only one I got is with my poor husband.

I had had an epidural and my legs were all numb and wobbly and not in my control.

Well, he was holding my right leg, and kept dropping it. And I'm looking at him with these death looks like, "wtf?" And he's looking at me, reading my face.

And he's starts saying something to the effect of "You're the one dropping your leg all over the place!"

And so my midwife looks at him like he's stupid and says, "Honey, she can't feel her legs! You have the hold them for her, she can't hold them up by herself!"

He's like, "...................oh."

Duh.


----------



## elisent

Not at the birth but later...

My friend was admiring my baby's round c-section head. I reminded her that he was a VBAC and she said "Oh, yeah. Well he was four weeks early so he probably just popped right out of there. He was really small!"

(He was six pounds.)


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThisLove* 
Me: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it hurts it hurts it hurts.
L&D Nurse: SHUT UP. YOU CAN'T MAKE NOISE WHILE YOU PUSH.

What vocalization did you use for your next push? Maybe:
NURSE ____ IS A







.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
Not at the birth but later...

My friend was admiring my baby's round c-section head. I reminded her that he was a VBAC and she said "Oh, yeah. Well he was four weeks early so he probably just popped right out of there. He was really small!"

(He was six pounds.)

Yep 6lbs is "really small" and 8lbs is "really big". Baby weight curves must have one heck of a peak at 7lbs.


----------



## Marlet

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honeydee* 
Oh NO!







What an a$$! So what did you say to him?

I don't remember now. I think I just sat there with my jaw in my lap and mumbled something about a shower curtain on the floor.







To give him a bit of credit he was just worried and hoped he could scare me out of it but come on!







:

When we transferred in I had to give a urine sample and as I was walking to the bathroom the hag nurse asked if my water had broken. I said no, but that it was bulging at my cervix. Her eyes get big and asked how I knew that so I told her I checked myself.

"Not only is that unsterile but pregnant women can't reach there cervix, much less tell what is going on. I'll have the dr. come check you."

Me and my dirty fingers must be REALLY flexible or freaky.


----------



## mytwogirls

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 
I don't remember now. I think I just sat there with my jaw in my lap and mumbled something about a shower curtain on the floor.







To give him a bit of credit he was just worried and hoped he could scare me out of it but come on!







:

When we transferred in I had to give a urine sample and as I was walking to the bathroom the hag nurse asked if my water had broken. I said no, but that it was bulging at my cervix. Her eyes get big and asked how I knew that so I told her I checked myself.

"Not only is that unsterile but pregnant women can't reach there cervix, much less tell what is going on. I'll have the dr. come check you."

Me and my dirty fingers must be REALLY flexible or freaky.









As a L&D nurse, I can tell you that you are absolutely right...yes, you CAN check for yourself!


----------



## Pinion67

I had this stand in ob Dr anne ledley lewis in dallas texas because my doc wasw booked for my due date. The appointments went fine but when it came time to delive after 8 hours of 2 minute contractions wit no progress i was out of my mind with the pain, twice the babys heart rate and mine went irregular and she finally showed up at 8pm that night and told me I was " behaving badly" - i asked her agin about the possibilty that te LEAP procedure i had the year before could be causing tis ( this was our 3rd child ) - she cut the scar tissue and - no lie - the baby flew out before anyone could get stirrups, gloves or anything else - she had the audacity to come to me after and say how the 14 year old she delivered did better thyan i did - i of course said " maybe because she didnt try to push through scar tissue for 8 hours - or maybe you read her chart in the last 6 months " and my husband - God love him said " maybe you didnt try to kill her or her baby- i would definitely be better if you hadnt tried to kill my wife and kid"
it was the only really bad experience i have had in 5 live births ( the still birth was bad for a different reason of course) the worst part was she and i had discussed the possibilty of scar tissue , she knew i was in hard labour for 8 hours before she even came and then she tried to blame me to assuage her own conscience. sick!
hope no one else ever as to endure tat sort of nightmare- May God lovingly bless!


----------



## diamond lil

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pinion67* 
I had this stand in ob Dr anne ledley lewis in dallas texas because my doc wasw booked for my due date. The appointments went fine but when it came time to delive after 8 hours of 2 minute contractions wit no progress i was out of my mind with the pain, twice the babys heart rate and mine went irregular and she finally showed up at 8pm that night and told me I was " behaving badly" - i asked her agin about the possibilty that te LEAP procedure i had the year before could be causing tis ( this was our 3rd child ) - she cut the scar tissue and - no lie - the baby flew out before anyone could get stirrups, gloves or anything else - she had the audacity to come to me after and say how the 14 year old she delivered did better thyan i did - i of course said " maybe because she didnt try to push through scar tissue for 8 hours - or maybe you read her chart in the last 6 months " and my husband - God love him said " maybe you didnt try to kill her or her baby- i would definitely be better if you hadnt tried to kill my wife and kid"
it was the only really bad experience i have had in 5 live births ( the still birth was bad for a different reason of course) the worst part was she and i had discussed the possibilty of scar tissue , she knew i was in hard labour for 8 hours before she even came and then she tried to blame me to assuage her own conscience. sick!
hope no one else ever as to endure tat sort of nightmare- May God lovingly bless!

How horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pinion67* 
and my husband - God love him said " maybe you didnt try to kill her or her baby- i would definitely be better if you hadnt tried to kill my wife and kid"























Your dh rocks.


----------



## Pinion67

yeah- he is okay - but aftewr 15 years it would be really cool if e could find te laundry hamper!!!!!!


----------



## Pinion67

ok- that made me laugh out loud- toad squat rocks for giving birth!


----------



## shelley4

with DS's birth, we transferred to the hosp. because of slight mec. in the fluid, just "for observation" (i totally regret it now), but while we were there, i had a stupid nurse. i had really hard back labour.. to the point that i never once felt a contrax in my belly, it was all tail bone.. ouch! anyways, i closed my eyes between contrax, to rest, and the nurse was like "oh, she's sleeping", and i said "no, i'm awake, i can hear everything you say", but she kept insisting that i kept falling asleep... weird! but the bad part was that while i was pushing (for 2.5 hours!), she was telling me "to get really mad at your baby!!!"... why in the world would i be mad at my baby, for wanting to be born?!??!

and with DD1's home birth, my MW's assistant showed up in early labour, just to check how things are going. i never liked her throughout the whole pregnancy, and didn't want her there. i was working through a contrax with some nice, low, productive moaning, and she kept telling me to stop talking during contrax. um, i wasn't talking, i was moaning, and it felt GOOD! she wanted to check me, which i was ok with, but she wanted me to change position so that it would be easy for her... i was comfy where i was, so i told her to "leave, now. i don't like you!". i was so happy with myself, and DD was born an hour later, with the good MW in attendance.


----------



## aurora_skys

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 
I said no, but that it was bulging at my cervix. Her eyes get big and asked how I knew that so I told her I checked myself.

"Not only is that unsterile but pregnant women can't reach there cervix, much less tell what is going on. I'll have the dr. come check you."

Me and my dirty fingers must be REALLY flexible or freaky.

















That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something







Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol


----------



## PookieMom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aurora_skys* 







That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something







Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol


Well of course not! That's just very un-sanitary. It's much cleaner and healthier to let the Dr., on call Dr., resident, that other resident, an intern or two, a few nurses, and that other person (hey, he was wearing scrubs







).....stick their "clearly" clean fingers up there


----------



## Narn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aurora_skys* 







That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something







Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol

I'm not going to try it to find out. The idea of touching my cervix gives me the willies.


----------



## mandam

I just need to vent a little.

I had an unplanned c-section. We did so much preparation to avoid that outcome but the deck was NOT stacked in my favor. A good friend of mine had her first today. She was the opposite of me. Little planning, wanted the drugs, very interventiony dr, the whole package. She gets a vaginal birth. I am a little bitter. Her s.o. told me the delivery was a little difficult. She pushed for over 3 hours and was cut, so she probably tore even more. So I just get off the phone with her and she says "next time I am getting a c-section." Yeah because that's so much easier. I'd have taken her birth situation over being sliced open while strapped to a table any time. I know she didn't mean anything by it but arggggg.









Okay vent over. I just needed to let that out somewhere where I wouldn't be seen as a bitter you-know-what


----------



## elisent

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aurora_skys* 







That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something







Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol

It's hard for me to reach mine the third trimester. Not only do you have to reach around the bump, but also the cervix goes way high up there. Usually I can just barely reach it unless I work at it for quite a bit. It is cool, though, and especially helpful when I had constant preterm contractions and wanted to know if I was dilating more without running to the OB's every day.


----------



## whalemilk

I haven't tried in the third trimester yet but it was always hard for me to reach at ovulation when I was charting. Short fingers, short arms, tall vagina I guess. LOL.


----------



## aurora_skys

huh.. thats actually really interesting that some ppl can reach theirs and some cant.. i never considered it before! now im thinking like "what if i have a freakishly 'out there' cervix?!?" lol.









but not to hijack the thread anymore because i love love love these threads :>


----------



## Marlet

Told ya'll I was freaky...me and my freaky cervix. We compliment each other nicely I think.....I can twiddle her and she can tell me dirty stories about exploding membranes.















:


----------



## Pinion67

i had 5 vb but 5th living baby decided to lie sideways ! they went in (owww) turned him - he flipped back, one more round and 10 hours in i was up for the c section (the first part of him out was an ear) but i am with you- i cant imagine choosing to be strapped down and cut open, to feel so removed from the process- my husband couldnt handle video so i did not get to see him born at all and 14 people in the or saw him before i did- not to mention the prolonged recovery time and hospital stay ( i have always been a one day in/out minimal or no meds person. No one comes for our births and we had 4 others at home who needed a mom not an invalid . I do not understand any appeal to any surgery !


----------



## majikfaerie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 
Told ya'll I was freaky...me and my freaky cervix. We compliment each other nicely I think.....I can twiddle her and she can tell me dirty stories about exploding membranes.















:









ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!







:


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merry-mary* 
Let's see ... probably the resident who did a cervical check on me at the hospital. I did a natural birth in a hospital and worked with a doula. Resident charges in and announces she is going to break my bag of water. I informed her that no, no she wasn't breaking my bag of water, but she could examine me when I was ready. I was due for a contraction and started to have one when she was checking me. I yelled for her to get her hands out - NO NO NO OUT OUT OUT GET OUT is what I said. She looked positively disgusted. When I finished my contraction I told her to go ahead and resume the check, which she did in an extremely rough manner and it took her forever (my doula thinks this was purposeful, as she has never ever seen a longer cervical check in the 30 some years she has been involved with laboring women).

At the end of her cervical check, Resident tells me "*you really need to get yourself under control.*". Um, sure! My husband followed her out and told her under no circumstances was she permitted back in our room; if I needed to be checked, my doctor or the attending on duty would do so, and if she so much as stepped foot in the room, either he would escort her out, or security would.









Wonderful husband you have there!







:


----------



## CorasMama

My nurse kept telling me to stop screaming. In her defense, I was really, really loud (they heard me down a block-long hallway, around a corner, behind operating room doors). In my defense, it was the only thing that helped me.

The only pain relief I really wanted was like a little local at my perenium as she crowned. I asked for that, and the response was, "well, if you'd bothered to come in before you got to 9.5 cm, we could have given you an epidural!" Right, bcs I need an amputation for a paper cut!


----------



## CorasMama

My nurse kept telling me to stop screaming. In her defense, I was really, really loud (they heard me down a block-long hallway, around a corner, behind operating room doors). In my defense, it was the only thing that helped me.

The only pain relief I really wanted was like a little local at my perenium as she crowned. I asked for that, and the response was, "well, if you'd bothered to come in before you got to 9.5 cm, we could have given you an epidural!" Right, bcs I need an amputation for a paper cut!


----------



## TenderHearted29

At my first birth, after being on pit for 12 hrs and only being 4 cm dilated, my husband decided to go to the bathroom, read the paper and shave. While he was gone, my brother in law came by to keep me company. I was pretty numb due to the epi, but I suddenly felt like the baby was falling out of me. I told my BIL to go get someone quickly and instead he picked up the sheet and looked.







: I was completely horrified. He turned white, started sweating and yelling for help in a freakily high voice. I ended up w/ a forceps "assisted" delivery an hr later. My Doctor had sterile drapes all over me and when I went to grab my ds off of my belly, he hit my hand with a clamp and said "Don't do that, you know better. It's a sterile field." I am a nurse, so I said "what in the world is sterile about childbirth?" He then started cussing at me in Spanish. I ended up having a 4th degree epi. My next OB was wonderful. She ended up inducing me though and went home after I had been on pit again for 12 hrs and was only 4 cm. Suddenly I was complete and DS2 had crowned. My Doctor was in the shower at home, with her beeper on vibrate. When she got out, she noticed the beeper had vibrated off the bathroom counter onto the floor. She ran into my room about 5 min later w/ wet hair saying "I didn't even get to put my deoderant on"....I didn't end up with an epi or tearing...I never even actively pushed. Much better the second time around...


----------



## GISDiva

After my awesome natural birth my best friend who was there called her sister to let her know that we had a healthy baby boy. Now, her sister told me to get an epidural before I was even pregnant. So when my best friend told her that I had a great drug-free labor she says:

"She's not even taking a Tylenol?"

The midwives had a good chuckle over that.


----------



## Sesshoumaru's Girl

A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sesshoumaru's Girl* 
A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!









:







: OMG







: breath,







: Way to go mama!


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TenderHearted29* 
At my first birth, after being on pit for 12 hrs and only being 4 cm dilated, my husband decided to go to the bathroom, read the paper and shave. While he was gone, my brother in law came by to keep me company. I was pretty numb due to the epi, but I suddenly felt like the baby was falling out of me. I told my BIL to go get someone quickly and instead he picked up the sheet and looked.







: I was completely horrified. He turned white, started sweating and yelling for help in a freakily high voice. I ended up w/ a forceps "assisted" delivery an hr later. My Doctor had sterile drapes all over me and when I went to grab my ds off of my belly, *he hit my hand with a clamp and said "Don't do that, you know better. It's a sterile field." I am a nurse, so I said "what in the world is sterile about childbirth?" He then started cussing at me in Spanish.* I ended up having a 4th degree epi. My next OB was wonderful. She ended up inducing me though and went home after I had been on pit again for 12 hrs and was only 4 cm. Suddenly I was complete and DS2 had crowned. My Doctor was in the shower at home, with her beeper on vibrate. When she got out, she noticed the beeper had vibrated off the bathroom counter onto the floor. She ran into my room about 5 min later w/ wet hair saying "I didn't even get to put my deoderant on"....I didn't end up with an epi or tearing...I never even actively pushed. Much better the second time around...











Y'k, you're a perfect candidate to do a Home Birth.


----------



## majikfaerie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sesshoumaru's Girl* 
A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!

freakin AWESOME!!!!
that dr rocks







(um, she did high-five him with the other hand though... right?







)


----------



## amberskyfire

My mother loves to tell the story about when I was born. It wasn't so much what my father "said" as what he did. My father was always really bad about remembering to refill the car's gas tank and they ran out of gas on the way to the hospital. My mother was FURIOUS but my dad didn't think it was such a big deal









I had an unassisted birth and before the birth, I coached my husband on what to say and do. I told him that when I hit transition and started saying "I can't do it" that he had to tell me I was almost done and that I was doing a great job. I told him that I needed quiet, so he shouldn't talk to me while I was in labor.

I ended up having a FIVE HOUR transition and the whole time he kept asking me questions like "do you need to go to the hospital? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need me to call the midwife? Are you SURE you don't need to go to the hospital?"

He also kept saying infuriating things like "so how long is this gonna take? Aren't you done yet? So when are you gonna do this thing?"

I kept telling him to SHUT THE BLEEPITY-BLEEP UP but he just wouldn't listen. It was horrible. Finally, he asked me two questions at the same time after I'd been in transition for five hours and I lost it. I started to cry - the only time I cried during the birth.

Next time, he is NOT allowed at the birth







:


----------



## UnassistedMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majikfaerie* 
freakin AWESOME!!!!
that dr rocks







(um, she did high-five him with the other hand though... right?







)

I wondered which hand too! :Lol


----------



## stiles' mummy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PookieMom* 
The oddest thing for me was the first labor I ever witnessed. It was my friends little sister. She was around 17 and was in a lot of pain. She was moaning and crying and her grandma came in to "comfort" her. Yeah, she sat by her bed and held her hind, gently stroking it while she whispered in her ear, "you play you pay, sweety, you play you pay" over and over again. nice.









What a Beeaattchh! That is just...sick. I would have slapped the grandma silly.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
I ended up having a FIVE HOUR transition and the whole time he kept asking me questions like "do you need to go to the hospital? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need me to call the midwife? Are you SURE you don't need to go to the hospital?"

He also kept saying infuriating things like "so how long is this gonna take? Aren't you done yet? So when are you gonna do this thing?"

I kept telling him to SHUT THE BLEEPITY-BLEEP UP but he just wouldn't listen.

And you didn't end up getting physically violent? Do you just have that much self-control or is it that hard to move during transition?

Does he realize it's probably his fault transition was so long?


----------



## PookieMom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sesshoumaru's Girl* 
A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!

That's Hilarious!!!


----------



## elisent

In labor with my first, my husband insisted on cleaning the house and washing the dishes before he would take me to the hospital. He was afraid his family would come over to visit as soon as we got home and didn't want it to be messy. This was while I was in transition.

My FIL has said that with his third he left the room for a while and came back to find his wife pushing. The baby was born - another boy - and then he realized it wasn't his wife!!??!! He ran out and find his wife's room, and they had a baby girl.


----------



## Belle

The morning after my m/c & d&c I had just gotten to sleep at about 4:00am after about three days with no sleep whatsoever. I was horribly uncomfortable and my roomate wouldn't stop talking. She had her TV blaring all night and kept turning on the light. A nurse came in to draw my blood at 5:00am and woke me up. I complained about being too tired and she argued with me about how much more tired she was than me.


----------



## Sesshoumaru's Girl

About the hand question, well I honesty don't remember, but it was and still is so funny!

Her Dr was great, he practiced more like a midwife than an OB, which got him alot of flack from the other MD's here in town. Sadly, he moved out of state last year!







He was one of the FEW Dr's that I would have considered having.


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
And you didn't end up getting physically violent? Do you just have that much self-control or is it that hard to move during transition?

Does he realize it's probably his fault transition was so long?

Hah, yeah I did think about getting physically violent, but I could hardly move. I was in extreme pain. My baby was posterior and I was laying on my side on the bed and that, I believe, is what caused me not to progress. Once I realized the problem, I went and sat on the toilet to get her head to press against my cervix and after that things went pretty quick.

I don't know what was worse, my husband or the fact that the midwives came to the house when they KNEW I was having an unassisted birth and were supporting my decision to do so - to "check on how things were going."

My husband did halfway redeem himself by going out into the driveway and telling them to go away. Oh, I could write a book about things that infuriated me during my labor


----------



## majikfaerie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
My FIL has said that with his third he left the room for a while and came back to find his wife pushing. The baby was born - another boy - and then he realized it wasn't his wife!!??!! He ran out and find his wife's room, and they had a baby girl.

that is freakin hillarious!!!!!
what did the other woman say about some total strange guy walking in while she's birthing???


----------



## lisa_nc

We were trying to get to the hospital with my last birth. I checked myself in the car and I could feel the head and water bag and I knew I was around 8.

Me: I don't think we're going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!
Me: Dear God, we're not going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!

About ten minutes later, I want to push and I start tearing off my clothes.

DH: Wait! What are you doing?!
Me: We're...not...going...to...make...it. Pull...the...#[email protected]#...over!
DH: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT!!

The baby comes out.

DH: We didn't make it!
Me: Will you *&#*ing pull over NOW?!

Then I got to be naked in front of about 30 policemen, firemen, and EMTs. And I didn't even get a date out of it.


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisa_nc* 
We were trying to get to the hospital with my last birth. I checked myself in the car and I could feel the head and water bag and I knew I was around 8.

Me: I don't think we're going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!
Me: Dear God, we're not going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!

About ten minutes later, I want to push and I start tearing off my clothes.

DH: Wait! What are you doing?!
Me: We're...not...going...to...make...it. Pull...the...#[email protected]#...over!
DH: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT!!

The baby comes out.

DH: We didn't make it!
Me: Will you *&#*ing pull over NOW?!

Then I got to be naked in front of about 30 policemen, firemen, and EMTs. And I didn't even get a date out of it.

THIS is pretty funny. "We're going to make it, We're going to make it, We didn't make it!" Eat your words, DH!


----------



## amberskyfire

Ah, I just remembered this little gem from my husband while I was in labor. I had a video camera up and running that I had set up to catch the birth and I gave DH the digital camera to take pictures.

He kept snapping shots of my face while the baby was crowning and at one point I growled at him to "get back there and get some shots of this!" He leaned over behind me warily, gave me a look of utter disgust and said "oh no...you don't want to see THAT!"

I screeched "YES I DO!!!!!!" and if looks could kill...

Boy, that sent him back there with the camera quick as a flash. Then he said all kinds of embarrassing things like "this would be a perfect porn shot - if a baby wasn't coming out" and "oh, you're going to LOVE that one" (in a disgusted sarcastic voice). I totally forgot about it until I went back a few hours later to watch the birth video and found that he had also determined that I wouldn't want video of the actual birth and had AIMED THE VIDEO CAMERA UP so all you could see was my waist and everything above it - no baby!!! He also stood right in front of the camera and blocked it with his butt about half the time


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisa_nc* 
We were trying to get to the hospital with my last birth. I checked myself in the car and I could feel the head and water bag and I knew I was around 8.

Me: I don't think we're going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!
Me: Dear God, we're not going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!

About ten minutes later, I want to push and I start tearing off my clothes.

DH: Wait! What are you doing?!
Me: We're...not...going...to...make...it. Pull...the...#[email protected]#...over!
DH: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT!!

The baby comes out.

DH: We didn't make it!
Me: Will you *&#*ing pull over NOW?!

Then I got to be naked in front of about 30 policemen, firemen, and EMTs. And I didn't even get a date out of it.









And why on EARTH did they need 30 policemen and firemen? What were they going to do, take the baby's prints and hose it off for you?


----------



## soso-lynn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 







And why on EARTH did they need 30 policemen and firemen? What were they going to do, take the baby's prints and hose it off for you?

That's funny. Good question though. Everytime I hear of stories of babies born in the car (on the news), they always talk about the police dude or fireman or ambulance guy who saved the day.


----------



## mama*ashleigh

*noob*

Oh my goodness, some of these are just cracking me up!!!








And oh man, some of these are really pissin me off!!!

I'll add my own...
I can't remember anything of note from DS1s birth...but DS2...well, DH thinks he's reeeealllly funny! And apparently the midwives did too!

When I finally consented to the mw breaking my water:
Me: I feel like I just lost 25 pounds!
DH: Me next!!!

When I would start swearing/telling DH to shut up:
DH: If you don't change your attitude I'm rolling you out in the hall. You can come back when you are ready to be nice!

I laugh now, but at the time I was not amused!


----------



## lisa_nc

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 







And why on EARTH did they need 30 policemen and firemen? What were they going to do, take the baby's prints and hose it off for you?

My husband called 911 because I was carrying twins and we still had one more on the way. I couldn't deal with doing both births in the front seat of the car unless I absolutely had to. One of the policemen told my husband that they get so many terrible calls, that they love to come to baby calls because they get to be a part of something good for once. It's true what they say about transition though. I really did not give two craps that people passing by in cars (it was 1AM so there weren't many) and a whole host of strangers saw me completely naked. Now I am a little







about it.


----------



## Awaken

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
My mother loves to tell the story about when I was born. It wasn't so much what my father "said" as what he did. My father was always really bad about remembering to refill the car's gas tank and they ran out of gas on the way to the hospital. My mother was FURIOUS but my dad didn't think it was such a big deal









So, where did you end up being born? Did they make it to wherever they needed to go in time?


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Awaken* 
So, where did you end up being born? Did they make it to wherever they needed to go in time?

Yeah, they made it to a hospital. They were in town, so my dad ran to a nearby gas station with a gas can and refilled the car.







I was born at the hospital.


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
Ah, I just remembered this little gem from my husband while I was in labor. I had a video camera up and running that I had set up to catch the birth and I gave DH the digital camera to take pictures.

He kept snapping shots of my face while the baby was crowning and at one point I growled at him to "get back there and get some shots of this!" He leaned over behind me warily, gave me a look of utter disgust and said "oh no...you don't want to see THAT!"

I screeched "YES I DO!!!!!!" and if looks could kill...

Boy, that sent him back there with the camera quick as a flash. Then he said all kinds of embarrassing things like "this would be a perfect porn shot - if a baby wasn't coming out" and "oh, you're going to LOVE that one" (in a disgusted sarcastic voice). I totally forgot about it until I went back a few hours later to watch the birth video and found that he had also determined that I wouldn't want video of the actual birth and had AIMED THE VIDEO CAMERA UP so all you could see was my waist and everything above it - no baby!!! He also stood right in front of the camera and blocked it with his butt about half the time









Not to be rude or anything, but . . . is this guy's head screwed on straight?


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A_Random_Phrase* 
Not to be rude or anything, but . . . is this guy's head screwed on straight?

Heh, he's a STRANGE one, I'll give you that. But I still love him







:


----------



## ~Ryleigh's Mommy~

When I was in labor with my daughter, she had been having some heart decels throughout labor, but at the end they got really bad. I was at 9cms and her HR was plummeting. I had a MW and she knew I didn't want a c-section so she told me to start pushing and she would dilate me the rest of the way and if we could get the baby out w/in 15 minutes or so we could avoid a section.
I totally had NO pushing urge whatsover, and and that point I was just in such sheer pain I could not tell one contraction from the next.

It hurt so bad when I pushed with my MW having her hands in there stretching me at the same time that I couldn't help but scream. The nurse YELLED at me for screaming because I would "scare the other moms"







:
The whole time everyone was telling me- push push push!! So I just kept pushing even though it was against what my body felt. All of a sudden the nurse yells at me "Hey hey hey!!! You KNOW better than to push when you're not having a contraction!" Yea, okay lady, like I can really tell at this point when I'm having a contraction and when I'm not? I've got one person with their hand up my cervix pushing it open and everyone else telling me to push. And your lecturing me for pushing between contractions!?!


----------



## ~Ryleigh's Mommy~

Also, I recently started working in L&D, and I see A LOT of stupid sh*t said during labor. Too many to even list here.

One in particular that stand out in my mind though, is this woman who was laboring after being 2 1/2 weeks overdue. She had a big baby and it was her first. She had no epidural, but the DR was making her push flat on her back.
Each of the parents asked at least once "Can't she sit up a little bit? Won't the gravity help with the pushing?" (not to mention, her legs were getting very tired from holding them up in the air like that) The doctor just gave a blunt "No." each time.

She had been pushing for over 2 hours and was having a really hard time. The DR kept whistling the whole time, and the mom was trying to "shushhh" him to get him to stop, but he just kept whistling.
He kept asking what time it was







: After about 2 1/2 hours of pushing, mom was getting really close and was starting to crown. She was having a really difficult time and you could see she was getting really frustrated. Well when the doctor asked what time it was and the nurse told him it was 12:00, he joked "Mind if you stop and I take an hour break for lunch?"









Yea, REAL funny, doc









Then after the dad asked once again, "Are you sure we can't sit up a little, I can prop her up, no big deal"
Doc says, "No, it's not gravity that's our problem, there's our obstacle right there --> (points at her perineum)" Then he turns around, grabs the scissors, and makes a huge episiotomy.


----------



## PookieMom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
Also, I recently started working in L&D, and I see A LOT of stupid sh*t said during labor. Too many to even list here.

One in particular that stand out in my mind though, is this woman who was laboring after being 2 1/2 weeks overdue. She had a big baby and it was her first. She had no epidural, but the DR was making her push flat on her back.
Each of the parents asked at least once "Can't she sit up a little bit? Won't the gravity help with the pushing?" (not to mention, her legs were getting very tired from holding them up in the air like that) The doctor just gave a blunt "No." each time.

She had been pushing for over 2 hours and was having a really hard time. The DR kept whistling the whole time, and the mom was trying to "shushhh" him to get him to stop, but he just kept whistling.
He kept asking what time it was







: After about 2 1/2 hours of pushing, mom was getting really close and was starting to crown. She was having a really difficult time and you could see she was getting really frustrated. Well when the doctor asked what time it was and the nurse told him it was 12:00, he joked "Mind if you stop and I take an hour break for lunch?"









Yea, REAL funny, doc









Then after the dad asked once again, "Are you sure we can't sit up a little, I can prop her up, no big deal"
Doc says, "No, it's not gravity that's our problem, there's our obstacle right there --> (points at her perineum)" Then he turns around, grabs the scissors, and makes a huge episiotomy.










omg, I think I'm going to be sick....


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
Also, I recently started working in L&D, and I see A LOT of stupid sh*t said during labor. Too many to even list here.

One in particular that stand out in my mind though, is this woman who was laboring after being 2 1/2 weeks overdue. She had a big baby and it was her first. She had no epidural, but the DR was making her push flat on her back.
Each of the parents asked at least once "Can't she sit up a little bit? Won't the gravity help with the pushing?" (not to mention, her legs were getting very tired from holding them up in the air like that) The doctor just gave a blunt "No." each time.

She had been pushing for over 2 hours and was having a really hard time. The DR kept whistling the whole time, and the mom was trying to "shushhh" him to get him to stop, but he just kept whistling.
He kept asking what time it was







: After about 2 1/2 hours of pushing, mom was getting really close and was starting to crown. She was having a really difficult time and you could see she was getting really frustrated. Well when the doctor asked what time it was and the nurse told him it was 12:00, he joked "Mind if you stop and I take an hour break for lunch?"









Yea, REAL funny, doc









Then after the dad asked once again, "Are you sure we can't sit up a little, I can prop her up, no big deal"
Doc says, "No, it's not gravity that's our problem, there's our obstacle right there --> (points at her perineum)" Then he turns around, grabs the scissors, and makes a huge episiotomy.

















I really hope that mom had or will have a home birth with her future babies.


----------



## tuansprincess

At my dd birth in the hospital I ended up w/ an epi and pushed on my back for two + hours. After my dd was born I just passed out and slept for 4 hrs. Then when I woke up the a$$hole nurse said I should get up and pee in the bathroom. So I am 4 hrs postpartum from an epi birth and an episiotomy ($%&# doc cut me against my wishes) and two bags of IV fluid in me so naturally when I stand up pee just comes gushing out. I looked at the nurse for help and all she said - "well, run." I still to this day wish looks could kill! And I did right up a nice little letter about her horrid behavior. Don't know what happened though because we moved and my 2nd birth was a home water birth!


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
Heh, he's a STRANGE one, I'll give you that. But I still love him







:

That's great!!









Is this the DH who has ADHD or something like that? If so, his behavior makes perfect sense.


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A_Random_Phrase* 
That's great!!









Is this the DH who has ADHD or something like that? If so, his behavior makes perfect sense.

Yep. And we're also thinking mild autism. (That's not a joke) But I love him


----------



## Marlet

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama*ashleigh* 
*noob*

Oh my goodness, some of these are just cracking me up!!!








And oh man, some of these are really pissin me off!!!

I'll add my own...
I can't remember anything of note from DS1s birth...but DS2...well, DH thinks he's reeeealllly funny! And apparently the midwives did too!

When I finally consented to the mw breaking my water:
Me: I feel like I just lost 25 pounds!
DH: Me next!!!

When I would start swearing/telling DH to shut up:
DH: If you don't change your attitude I'm rolling you out in the hall. You can come back when you are ready to be nice!

I laugh now, but at the time I was not amused!

















: OMG I am dying over here....seriously, tears are running down my cheeks I am laughing so hard. I just copy and pasted and sent it to my sister.







I have to say, I have a crush on your DH's humor!


----------



## Marlet

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
Also, I recently started working in L&D, and I see A LOT of stupid sh*t said during labor. Too many to even list here.

One in particular that stand out in my mind though, is this woman who was laboring after being 2 1/2 weeks overdue. She had a big baby and it was her first. She had no epidural, but the DR was making her push flat on her back.
Each of the parents asked at least once "Can't she sit up a little bit? Won't the gravity help with the pushing?" (not to mention, her legs were getting very tired from holding them up in the air like that) The doctor just gave a blunt "No." each time.

She had been pushing for over 2 hours and was having a really hard time. The DR kept whistling the whole time, and the mom was trying to "shushhh" him to get him to stop, but he just kept whistling.
He kept asking what time it was







: After about 2 1/2 hours of pushing, mom was getting really close and was starting to crown. She was having a really difficult time and you could see she was getting really frustrated. Well when the doctor asked what time it was and the nurse told him it was 12:00, he joked "Mind if you stop and I take an hour break for lunch?"









Yea, REAL funny, doc









Then after the dad asked once again, "Are you sure we can't sit up a little, I can prop her up, no big deal"
Doc says, "No, it's not gravity that's our problem, there's our obstacle right there --> (points at her perineum)" Then he turns around, grabs the scissors, and makes a huge episiotomy.









Rarely will a post make me gag but this one did. uke: That is just disgusting. I know what it's like to get a non-asked for episiotomy but at least we were given a psuedo-option for it without the craptastic jokes.

It's dr.'s like these that just make my blood boil. Who whistles!? Who cracks jokes!? Ugh, these stories make me more and more happy I'm a ucer.







:


----------



## A_Random_Phrase

The whistling is probably why transition took so long. That and the dad's request for a change of position being ignored.


----------



## mama*ashleigh

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 







: OMG I am dying over here....seriously, tears are running down my cheeks I am laughing so hard. I just copy and pasted and sent it to my sister.







I have to say, I have a crush on your DH's humor!









Yeah, the midwives agreed with you!! They loved him!!







:


----------



## ~Ryleigh's Mommy~

OMG, I can't forgot the last part to the whistling doc story:

After baby was finally born (well, more like fell out of the huge episiotomy) and the doctor was sewing her up, she kept wincing and making little "ow ow ow" noises,
the dr finally asked: "what, can you feel that?"
(um duh, she didn't have any epidural)

They both look up at him and are like: "um, YEA that hurts!"

his response: a smirking "Ahh, it's all in your head."

This is while sewing up a 3rd degree epis with NO epidural or lidocaine. Yea, I'm real sure the pain was "all in her head"








Oh, and to save time, he did the sewing while he was waiting for the placenta to come out, so when it came time for the placenta, she had to push it out her newly stitched, non-numbed bottom.









I know I've heard dumber/more asinine things come out of doc's mouths since I've worked there, but that was the first birth I ever witnessed there, so it really sticks out in my mind.


----------



## majikfaerie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
OMG, I can't forgot the last part to the whistling doc story:

After baby was finally born (well, more like fell out of the huge episiotomy) and the doctor was sewing her up, she kept wincing and making little "ow ow ow" noises,
the dr finally asked: "what, can you feel that?"
(um duh, she didn't have any epidural)

They both look up at him and are like: "um, YEA that hurts!"

his response: a smirking "Ahh, it's all in your head."

This is while sewing up a 3rd degree epis with NO epidural or lidocaine. Yea, I'm real sure the pain was "all in her head"








Oh, and to save time, he did the sewing while he was waiting for the placenta to come out, so when it came time for the placenta, she had to push it out her newly stitched, non-numbed bottom.









I know I've heard dumber/more asinine things come out of doc's mouths since I've worked there, but that was the first birth I ever witnessed there, so it really sticks out in my mind.

uke
ugh. OMG, I seriously almost vomited reading that.
if I were just a tad more psycho, I'd hunt that dr down and cut him an epi without pain relief and then punch my sterile-gloved fist in there.


----------



## ~Ryleigh's Mommy~

you know, it's kind of ironic...when I took the job there, I was afraid I would see a bunch of (rare) stuff that would make me afraid to continue with my homebirth. But actually it's been COMPLETELY the opposite. It used to be a toss up for me between having the homebirth or hospital birth (because of a bunch of different factors) But now, there's no way you'd drag me into that hospital to give birth unless my baby's life were in danger or you knocked me out cold. Seriously, some of the stuff I see I wouldn't even believe if I weren't standing there watching it in person.


----------



## Narn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
you know, it's kind of ironic...when I took the job there, I was afraid I would see a bunch of (rare) stuff that would make me afraid to continue with my homebirth. But actually it's been COMPLETELY the opposite. It used to be a toss up for me between having the homebirth or hospital birth (because of a bunch of different factors) But now, there's no way you'd drag me into that hospital to give birth unless my baby's life were in danger or you knocked me out cold. Seriously, some of the stuff I see I wouldn't even believe if I weren't standing there watching it in person.

Truly frightening.


----------



## Awaken

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
Also, I recently started working in L&D, and I see A LOT of stupid sh*t said during labor. Too many to even list here.

One in particular that stand out in my mind though, is this woman who was laboring after being 2 1/2 weeks overdue. She had a big baby and it was her first. She had no epidural, but the DR was making her push flat on her back.
Each of the parents asked at least once "Can't she sit up a little bit? Won't the gravity help with the pushing?" (not to mention, her legs were getting very tired from holding them up in the air like that) The doctor just gave a blunt "No." each time.

She had been pushing for over 2 hours and was having a really hard time. The DR kept whistling the whole time, and the mom was trying to "shushhh" him to get him to stop, but he just kept whistling.
He kept asking what time it was







: After about 2 1/2 hours of pushing, mom was getting really close and was starting to crown. She was having a really difficult time and you could see she was getting really frustrated. Well when the doctor asked what time it was and the nurse told him it was 12:00, he joked "Mind if you stop and I take an hour break for lunch?"









Yea, REAL funny, doc









Then after the dad asked once again, "Are you sure we can't sit up a little, I can prop her up, no big deal"
Doc says, "No, it's not gravity that's our problem, there's our obstacle right there --> (points at her perineum)" Then he turns around, grabs the scissors, and makes a huge episiotomy.









That is absolutely disgusting. I hope those parents realize what happened to them and report him- not that anything will happen to him with the good old boy network. Is there anything nurses (I was assuming that's what you are) can do in this situation? It must be so hard to stand by and watch that and have to obey doctor's orders when you know just letting the mom walk around would probably make a huge difference!


----------



## ~Ryleigh's Mommy~

no, I'm not a nurse (yet!) I'm only an assistant. I come in at the end of the birth and assist the nurse with anything she needs, and then I clean up everything afterwards.

I doubt they would report him or anything...these were first time parents and had the "do as we're told" mentality that most first timers have. It seems like they treat the first timers a lot differently than the experienced ones because they know they will just listen to anything they say.

And also, the doctor who was delivering happens to be
the CEO of the entire hospital, I don't think it gets any higher up than him


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama*ashleigh* 
I laugh now, but at the time I was not amused!









I swear, some dh's have no sense of timing. It's like, "she'd find that funny normally, so I'll say it now!







Why is she mad??"


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
OMG, I can't forgot the last part to the whistling doc story:

I thought the first half was bad enough. With the second half I would've been telling her how to file a complaint *and* sue the doctor right there while he was still in the room.


----------



## DentedHalo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Ryleigh's Mommy~* 
This is while sewing up a 3rd degree epis with NO epidural or lidocaine. Yea, I'm real sure the pain was "all in her head"









I just about tossed my cookies, breakfast and lunch all in one. Holy cow...







:


----------



## blessedwithboys

my sister was having her third baby, which was the first that was w/out meds.

she was on the bed moaning loudly/almost screaming.

a nurse walks in and asks "what is all the yelling about?" i said "ummm, shes pushing out a baby with no pain medication"

the nurse then says "she needs to be quiet. other people here are trying to have babies too"

my sister yelled louder


----------



## ThundersCry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chpiper* 
My own birth had some memorable moments too...my first birth was 47 minutes long... (INTENSE) I arrive at the hospital ready to push, contrax on top of each other, really in the throws of labor and some nurse brings a paper to me with a bunch of faces on it asking me to show her which one resembles how I am feeling...I said circle the one that has a head coming out of her vagina...

OMG above. I am only half way through but this one made me spit my soda LITERALLY at the screen!!!


----------



## Celticqueen

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessedwithboys* 
my sister was having her third baby, which was the first that was w/out meds.

she was on the bed moaning loudly/almost screaming.

a nurse walks in and asks "what is all the yelling about?" i said "ummm, shes pushing out a baby with no pain medication"

the nurse then says "she needs to be quiet. other people here are trying to have babies too"

my sister yelled louder









Oh my gosh the nerve!!! Good for your sister to be louder. Good grief.

-Caitrin


----------



## jenniferlynne

This isn't really so bad in retrospect but at the time I was ready to kill everyone in the room. DD's birth was really fast, and transition hit me like a ton of bricks. I just remember screaming a lot, and at one point when I was pushing, groaning, "Just get it OUT of me!" -- at which point everyone in the room started cracking up







: Obviously, I was not joking so I couldn't imagine why they thought it was funny! I remember thinking that if I could've gotten my hands around the MW's neck, she would've been in a load of trouble. Fortunately (for her), another contraction hit and all I could do was push. DD was born just a couple of minutes later and, of course, all was forgotten at that point.







Other than that one little incident, my birth team was fabulous so I don't have any hard feelings.

In my first birth, which was in a hospital, one of the OBs made a comment which just terrified me. Granted, I was a first-time mom and very nervous about labor. It didn't help that I could hear women on both sides of my room screaming loudly. My contractions were just getting to the point where they were really uncomfortable, and I was having trouble breathing through them. The OB came in to check on me, watched me through a contraction, then said, "I can see things are starting to move along but you're nowhere near ready. Just listen to your neighbors for an idea of what you're in for."







: That, and the fact that her shoes (or shoe covers -- whatever it is they have on their feet) were covered in blood, just sent me over the edge. The second she left the room I completely fell apart, and it took my very supportive labor nurse and DH a LONG time to calm me down. Of course, the OB was right, and I don't think her comment would've scared me in my second labor, but I think she could've said it a little more tactfully!


----------



## highlandmum

OMG this thread is hilarious, and I have one to top the cake! My MIL said to me while I was in labor (hospital) with dd#2 "I treat (she is a therapist) a baby that was dropped on its head by the nurse that 'caught' her when she was born. Oh crap! I can't believe I just said that!'
Seriously!
Love my MIL but that reeeaaallly didn't help!


----------



## white_queen_22

These are my mom's stories from her last hospital birth. Mind you - she'd already had three, natural hosptial births in the 70's and 80's but this was the 90's.  We didn't know at the time that this doctor has a C-section rate over 75% and does pitocin on EVERYONE.

First: Mom gets to hospital about 11pm and is filling out check in papers. Notices a charge for 2 day stay. She says "I'm not prepaying for two days - I'm anticipating a quick birth and going home soon thereafter."
Nurse says "We charge midnight to midnight so you'll officially be here for two days."
Mom says "OK then - just hold these for a few minutes. I'll be back after midnight (only about 40 minutes away by this point).

Triage nurse - freaking out. "OMG - you can't leave while you're in labor! What if you have the baby? You can't leave now!" Continues freak-out.

Mom: "I'm just going out to the parking lot to walk around. If I feel the urge to push I'll come back inside ok?"

**laughing** I loved it.

More later.


----------



## majikfaerie

love your mom! that's so cool







^^^


----------



## white_queen_22

I love my mom too.  Some of these final hospital birth stories, plus the fact that I got to attend her next four home births, helped me move straight for the home birth decision when I got pregnant.

Funny/Stupid/Sad #2:
Nurse: "OK - time for your pitocin"
Mom: "I don't do pitocin. I've never needed it before and I certainly don't need it right now after all that walking I just did!"
Nurse: "Oh....umm.....Dr. R does pitocin on EVERYone."
Mom: "Then Dr. R can do pitocin on himself because he is NOT doing pitocin on ME."

<pause> <blank stare>

Nurse: "How will the baby come out without the pitocin?"
Mom: "I think the baby will somehow figure that part out just fine."
Dad <realizing my mom has just about run out of POLITE and is getting closer to transition>: "We'd like to be left alone now - you may come back again in 30 minutes."

*laughing* Not sure how those babies manage to come out without pitocin shoving them out of the uterus but they do manage don't they?? *wry grin*

Angela <><


----------



## white_queen_22

Not so funny/mostly sad/irritating #3: Note - the women in my family tend to FLY from 7-pushing very quickly.

Mom: "Call the doctor! I need to push now."
Nurse: "I just checked you - you're only at a 7"
Mom: "I've done this before - And I AM pushing"
Nurse: "Shut up. I know how to check people"
Mom: "Then you get your A** over here and check me NOW"
Nurse <lifting blanket> <sees baby-head>: "Oh crap - don't move!" <calls Dr.> "Get here NOW"
Mom: "Told you!"

*wink*

Incidentally the Dr. walked through the door just in time to get completely drenched by my mother's breaking water as the baby crowned and she caught my sister on her own. :-D So happy.

My mom says, "I remember thinking, 'Yes! Great shot Baby!'" hehehehehe

And people wonder where I get my slightly mischevious streak.

Angela <><


----------



## majikfaerie

yep, your mom ROCKS!


----------



## white_queen_22

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majikfaerie* 
yep, your mom ROCKS!

What kills me is that the nurse ACTUALLY said to my mom "shut up". I asked dad and he said "Yep - she actually told your mom to shut up. Your mom was holding my hands and wouldn't let me up at the time." *laughing*

I was only 14 at that point and didn't go to that birth, but I attending the next four births - all at home.

I remember one time Dad was forgetting to breath while mom was pushing. The midwife finally looked up and said "Breathe! I can't catch the baby and resuscitate you at the same time." hehehehe Dad gets into the whole birth process but he always seemed to hold his breath at the end there. Mom would say "Quite gasping in my ear. I'm the one doing the work here".

hehehehehe

Angela <><


----------



## Belia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenniferlynne* 
I just remember screaming a lot, and at one point when I was pushing, groaning, "Just get it OUT of me!" -- at which point everyone in the room started cracking up







: Obviously, I was not joking so I couldn't imagine why they thought it was funny!

I would be really irritated, too. I could totally see myself saying something like this, and that reaction would devastate me. Like everyone else was in on some joke and laughing at me.

The OB came in to check on me, watched me through a contraction, then said, "I can see things are starting to move along but you're nowhere near ready. Just listen to your neighbors for an idea of what you're in for."


That's a horrible thing to say to a laboring women, esp a first-time-mom. What would the point be? How would telling you that help you at all? I'm wondering if your labor turned out to be so painful BECAUSE your dr told you that's how it would be.

Yuck.


----------



## an_aurora

When I was in labor with DD2, I was on my hands and knees in the bathtub laboring. Dh was applying counterpressure with his fist on my back, and during a contraction I yelled "push! harder! harder!" at him. The MW assistant came running in the bathroom and told me "oh honey you are the one supposed to be pushing not him!". Um, yeah, thanks.

Her labor was very fast, and the MW couldn't get the hose for the birthing tub hooked up, so she had me get in the bathtub while we waited. I had been in there for a few minutes and I overheard the mw telling my mom that she didn't think I would make it to the birthing tub. I looked at DH who was in the bathroom with me, and said "Oh hell no, I am NOT having this baby in this bathtub." I didn't, either.


----------



## box_of_rain

With my first, I was in my 28th hour of pitocin induced labor (with no pain meds) and had been pushing for 4 hours and 45 minutes. My midwife had put both her hands into me and had tried to manually spread my pelvis apart. I was squatting on the bathroom floor and she looked at me and said "I have no idea how we're going to get this baby out of you" and she stood up and walked away.










He was born an hour later.


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *box_of_rain* 
With my first, I was in my 28th hour of pitocin induced labor (with no pain meds) and had been pushing for 4 hours and 45 minutes. My midwife had put both her hands into me and had tried to manually spread my pelvis apart. I was squatting on the bathroom floor and she looked at me and said "I have no idea how we're going to get this baby out of you" and she stood up and walked away.











Oh my gosh, that's horrible! I would never have expected that from a midwife.







:


----------



## box_of_rain

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
Oh my gosh, that's horrible! I would never have expected that from a midwife.







:

She was more of a "medwife", if you know what I mean. I can't imagine my current midwife *ever* doing something like that.


----------



## Sioko

Alright, technically this is not a "birth" experience, but the dumbest things I was ever asked in horrible pain during a pregnancy related event was when I went to ER after my last ectopic ruptured. I told the triage nurse that my OB had suggested I may have an ectopic (I told him I didn't, and even if I did I would do nothing till the preg. ended itself. He gave me the list of "watch out for"s and told me to come in at the slightest hint of pain. He knew I'd know because I'd done it before.) and that I was now certain it was because I was positive it had just ruptured because I had had the same thing happen just 5mo ago. Surgery please.

Stupid me, I went to the local hospital instead of my preferred hospital









She asks, "Are you pregnant?"
Me, "Um, yeah.... technically a person is pregnant if they have an ectopic PREGNANCY."
Her, "Did you have a positive pregnancy test?"
Me, "I just told you my OB told me I might have an ectopic! Do you know what an OB _does_???"

All the while during and between horrendous constant transition-like contraction pain, she's going down the stupid flow-chart list of questions even though I had answered ALL of them with my first sentence to her!

Me, "You do know that a ruptured ectopic means internal bleeding? Possibly severe?"
Her, "I'm sorry but I have to fill this out."
Me, "







"

Finally I get admitted, looked at, and DISCHARGED with RLP. Went straight to my preferred hospital and they sent me straight to OR for emergency surgery. That's why I have never been back to one of these local hospitals and I don't take my kids there. These two local hospitals are the epitome of the "bad hospital" that anyone can describe. That was the dumbest most annoying "nurse" I have EVAR encountered. I filed a complaint against her alright and sent a little note to the doc letting him know what he shrugged off and that had I simply done as he suggested and "rested" I would be dead now. "Try listening to your patients instead of assuming you know everything already next time."


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sioko* 
I filed a complaint against her alright and sent a little note to the doc letting him know what he shrugged off and that had I simply done as he suggested and "rested" I would be dead now. "Try listening to your patients instead of assuming you know everything already next time."

















: Did we have the same doctor?!
I felt that I had an ectopic with my third pregnancy and went to the OB to have it checked out. He didn't even examine me or see me in an examining room. He heard I had come in to have a possible ectopic checked out and took me straight to his OFFICE where he saw me behind his desk and calmly informed me that I "did not have an ectopic pregnancy." Yes, he could apparently tell this JUST BY LOOKING AT ME. Just another case of doctors refusing to hear a woman who suspects something might be wrong with her because goodness forbid a patient might actually know what's going on with their own body.

He refused to test me several times and finally lost his temper with me and I left crying. I took myself to the nearest hospital and begged them to help me and they took me in the emergency room and assigned me a new OB. I was rushed to the tech room to get an ultrasound.

Guess what they found growing in my right ovary?









And what happened when I called the previous OB's office and told them what happened and asked why I didn't get care that could have saved my life? They told me I was never allowed to call there again and that they were destroying my file.

Nice.


----------



## aurora_skys

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
They told me I was never allowed to call there again and that they were destroying my file.

Nice.

















is that even _legal_?!?! how scary, they could have, in essence, killed you! kudos to you for taking things into your own hands!


----------



## kmb9906

I flew through transition and after moving me to the birthing room, a nurse checked me. She said, "ooooo, you're 9.75 cm ... I'll be back in 20 minutes, don't push until then." (Can you even tell a difference between 10 cm and 9.75cm?) Note, I had been wanting to push for 30 minutes now. She walked out the door and I turned to DH and said, "you go tell her to get back in here RIGHT FRICKING NOW ... I am pushing NOW!" DH didn't know if I was serious because that meant leaving me as I was 10cm and preparing to push on my own. I told him to go. I listened to my body and pushed through the first contraction by myself. The nurse came back, checked, and said, "wow, you got to pushing really fast!"

How long was she expecting it to take for me to dilate .25 cm?


----------



## Celticqueen

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kmb9906* 
I flew through transition and after moving me to the birthing room, a nurse checked me. She said, "ooooo, you're 9.75 cm ... I'll be back in 20 minutes, don't push until then." (Can you even tell a difference between 10 cm and 9.75cm?) Note, I had been wanting to push for 30 minutes now. She walked out the door and I turned to DH and said, "you go tell her to get back in here RIGHT FRICKING NOW ... I am pushing NOW!" DH didn't know if I was serious because that meant leaving me as I was 10cm and preparing to push on my own. I told him to go. I listened to my body and pushed through the first contraction by myself. The nurse came back, checked, and said, "wow, you got to pushing really fast!"

How long was she expecting it to take for me to dilate .25 cm?











Wow.

-Caitrin


----------



## kmb9906

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
I was 19 when my first baby was born. I managed 20 hours without drugs before I asked for some pain relief.

The nurse's response?

"Next time, use a condom."

She left and never did come back with drugs. She was obviously trying to teach me a lesson.







:
















How horrible. I'm really sorry she said and did that to you.


----------



## Nodtveidt

Our first daughter was born in the hospital. I was not allowed to be with my wife during her labor. The nurse who was "attending" her kept telling her to "shut up!". If I had known about this, I would have had quite a few words with her...well that is, if she would have been able to understand me (I didn't speak a lot of Spanish back then). But the real knucklehead was me...I used to always ask my wife is she's ok whenever she was having problems (she had pain often and I always made sure she was gonna be alright). So, when the baby was ready to come out, they rushed to the WR to get me, and I struggled with the stupid undersized garments they gave me (I'm a big guy, guess they're not used to having a six-foot-tall ****** in their hospital). Just made it in time. So then I said..."Are you okay?" to my wife. She screamed "NO!!!!!!!" and I felt like a complete idiot.







Fortunately, she doesn't even remember that part, though I've told her about it a few times. The rest of the hospital stay went pretty well, no major mishaps.

Our second daughter's birth was a UC at home, and that's where it was supposed to stay but it didn't work out that way. There's more than one "stupid things people say" involved there. Thread is here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=929259


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
They told me I was never allowed to call there again and that they were destroying my file.

Nice.









You should've sued, reported him to his licensing board and your insurance, company the practice to the BBB (not the most effective watch dog, but they at least put out ratings of businesses) and, if it wouldn't hurt your case, written a letter to the editor of your local paper.


----------



## majikfaerie

:
funny, i used to be so against all the american sueing and legal action and stuff. but this thread has totally changed my mind.


----------



## white_queen_22

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 







:

Guess what they found growing in my right ovary?









And what happened when I called the previous OB's office and told them what happened and asked why I didn't get care that could have saved my life? They told me I was never allowed to call there again and that they were destroying my file.

Nice.









Are you serious? Did you try to call back? I would have called back and requested a copy of your medical records "as allowed by state and federal guidelines. Please send ALL records immediately."

Un-believable. And yet.....


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *white_queen_22* 
Are you serious? Did you try to call back? I would have called back and requested a copy of your medical records "as allowed by state and federal guidelines. Please send ALL records immediately."

Un-believable. And yet.....

Yep, I tried that. They actually threatened ME with legal action if I kept harassing them. They were acting like I was attacking the doctor and everything. It was horrible







I would have pursued it further, but I was already in a bad state and the stress was making me psycho. I really didn't think it all through. Now it's far too late.


----------



## Flower of Bliss

My labor with DD was hard and fast. It was a hospital birth. Labor started at about 6 am. I didn't decide I was really in labor until around 7am. My plan was to labor at home for a long time until going to the hospital. I made it to the hospital at about 8:30 am in transition. The triage nurse clearly had no clue what to do with a woman who was really seriously in labor. She wanted me to sit on the table and do a 20 minute strip first while answering a series of medical history questions. Needless to say, I was way to far along to handle that. I kept getting up, going into the bathroom to labor over the toilet, and stripping. I kept pulling off all of my clothes, pulling off the hospital gown, etc. I was so very hot. At some point DH left to get me water (actually I was told I was only allowed ice, so he brought it to me in the bathroom and filled it with water in that sink







)

While he was gone and we were alone in the room, the triage nurse asked me if there was "any abuse". I was so confused by the question that I had her repeat it several times. Yes, that sweet man taking care of me while you ask me a million questions and try to keep me on a table is abusive and I thought that in the middle of transition while in triage was the time to discuss it with you.

So, I'm back on the table. I think at this point she'd given up on the 20 minute strip and was going to do a vaginal exam. She wanted me to put a sheet over my legs for the exam. I was way too hot to consider covering up with a sheet (it was a real sheet, not just a paper thing). I refused it. She told me I needed to do it "for privacy"







: We were in a closed room. The only people in the room were myself, my DH, and the nurse who was about to do a vaginal exam. I replied "whose privacy???" It was just plain funny.

Once she did the exam (without the sheet) she exclaimed "OH!!! You're at least a 5. You must have done lots of laboring at home." I hadn't labored at home long at all. It was just moving very quickly. I'm guessing that she didn't know how to check past a 5. She then ran out of the room never to be seen again.

Once I was in my room, I continued to labor over the back of a toilet. I walked into the room at one point and my nurse told me that they wouldn't do another vaginal exam until I was ready to push. I replied "I'm ready to push". DD was born at 10:43am. We had an on call ob deliver, but he was awesome. He asked for my birthplan, read it, and followed it carefully







: He did perineal massage with mineral oil. DD was immediately put on my chest. He had DH cut the cord after it was done pulsating. He then discussed options for pain relief before sewing up my 4th degree tear (she was a compound presentation with her hand at her head). The stitching, even with the local, was definitely the most painful part of the delivery.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
Yep, I tried that. They actually threatened ME with legal action if I kept harassing them. They were acting like I was attacking the doctor and everything. It was horrible







I would have pursued it further, but I was already in a bad state and the stress was making me psycho. I really didn't think it all through. Now it's far too late.









Not to late to write a review on those doctor review sites though!

And despite my "should have" above, I do totally understand not being up to pursuing something like that right after almost dying and having emergency surgery. I'm sorry, it was supposed to be more wishful thinking about the doctor and his practice getting shut down for good, but it did come across a bit like telling you off.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss* 
He then discussed options for pain relief before sewing up my 4th degree tear...

Judging by some of the stories in this thread, that right there deserved a bouquet and/or a nice cake.


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 







Not to late to write a review on those doctor review sites though!

And despite my "should have" above, I do totally understand not being up to pursuing something like that right after almost dying and having emergency surgery. I'm sorry, it was supposed to be more wishful thinking about the doctor and his practice getting shut down for good, but it did come across a bit like telling you off.

I didn't have to have the surgery, thankfully. It hadn't ruptured yet and the doctor at the hospital told me that I didn't have to lose an ovary. He said that almost all ectopics resolve on their own as a miscarriage and are reabsorbed, so he let me stay in the hospital under observation until they were sure it wouldn't rupture. It did a tiny bit, but it was all absorbed and I was happily pregnant again three months later with both ovaries intact.

YAY for docs who listen!







:

I *didn't* die and it didn't end up being an emergency, but I DID have an ectopic and the first OB should have checked me. If it had ended up being life-threatening it would have been bad.


----------



## Serenyd

During labor with my first son, my MIL had the gall to ask me if I wanted to come to her sex toy party after the birth ..... and kept cracking dirty jokes the whole time (in front of staff, I was mortified) and using my telephone to call her friends and give them the play-by-play, running around the room like a chicken with her head cut off and in general making an ass and a collassal nusiance of herself. All I could do was lie there and glare at her!!! I barely knew the woman or I would have told her off. Needless to say she's not invited to any of my other births. At the end I complained because the doctor gave me an episiotomy without telling me, and she and my mom said that "he gave you 3 chances to push him out before he cut you!" and "everytime you pushed the baby kept slipping back in!" - like it was my fault he got impatient and sliced me open cause it was 1 am and he wanted to go home.







:


----------



## ~crystal~

I am not quite sure where to start on this one! My last birth (out of 4) was my second home birth. My water broke 24 hrs before labor started. After I made it to 7 I started reversing my dialation and was transfered. Once in the ambulance (looking back-probably in transition) they a)had me lie flat on my back and straped me to the bed. b) asked me all those stupid questions height, weight, (I love this one) nationality!! Then the paramedic decided to lecture me on the unsafe practices of not going to the hospital when my water broke! I quit talking to him at that point but he kept asking questions until my husband told him I was done talking!

The hospital staff was great. After about an hour of different positions etc. We all decided it was best to do the c-section. While the nurse was preping me the baby just suddenly moved down to crowning. The doctor and a student doctor came in to deliver. After the baby was delivered and they were cleaning me up the student doc-with my feet in the stirups says "So are you going to try again for that girl?" (I have 4 boys) I had my wits about me to say "Did you see what I just pushed out? Only if you are pushing out the next one!" (My last son was 9lbs all previous were 7lbs 10oz or less) My husband was floored at my response.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
I *didn't* die and it didn't end up being an emergency, but I DID have an ectopic and the first OB should have checked me. If it had ended up being life-threatening it would have been bad.

Oh, in cases like that, I think the doctor should be responsible for the worst case scenario.

Yay, as you said, for doctors who listen!


----------



## white_queen_22

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
Yep, I tried that. They actually threatened ME with legal action if I kept harassing them. They were acting like I was attacking the doctor and everything. It was horrible







I would have pursued it further, but I was already in a bad state and the stress was making me psycho. I really didn't think it all through. Now it's far too late.

I think they have to keep your records on file for a certain amount of time - like years. I'd seriously be tempted to call again and request my records now that it's been long enough you can't be accused of stalking. *rolls eyes*

Angela <><


----------



## alexsam

Yes- my husband is a medical professional and when I told him about this, he said there are laws about destroying medical files and that if nothing else you should request a copy of yours and seek action if they were in fact destroyed (he said he was suspicious that they wanted to destroy them so you wouldn't sue). He also said you could always file a complaint with whomever holds his certification, which would start an inquiry and if nothing else, leave a record with them of what happened.


----------



## amberskyfire

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alexsam* 
Yes- my husband is a medical professional and when I told him about this, he said there are laws about destroying medical files and that if nothing else you should request a copy of yours and seek action if they were in fact destroyed (he said he was suspicious that they wanted to destroy them so you wouldn't sue). He also said you could always file a complaint with whomever holds his certification, which would start an inquiry and if nothing else, leave a record with them of what happened.

Thank you very much! I'll see if I can find out who holds his certification. I'm not sure who, but there are only four OB/GYNs here on this island, so they probably are all from the same place.


----------



## furfeet

At my last birth (vbac transfer) the hospitalist came in to grill me about not circ'ing, shots, or the eye meds. After I firmly told him no, no, no, he said "The vagina is a very dirty place, and he could have picked up all sorts of things in there" I just looked at him and laughed, but I really wanted to puke. I will never forget those words.
I later heard from a sympathetic nurse that he was overheard asking if I was some "weird religion or something"
I kid you not. uke


----------



## majikfaerie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *furfeet* 
At my last birth (vbac transfer) the hospitalist came in to grill me about not circ'ing, shots, or the eye meds. After I firmly told him no, no, no, he said "The vagina is a very dirty place, and he could have picked up all sorts of things in there" I just looked at him and laughed, but I really wanted to puke. I will never forget those words.
I later heard from a sympathetic nurse that he was overheard asking if I was some "weird religion or something"
I kid you not. uke

gargh!







what is it with men and thinking vaginas are dirty??


----------



## airjordi

When I was getting my IV in for my son's birth, I overheard the nurse tell my doula, "oh, she won't be up and walking around, her water is broken."

um, whut?


----------



## minkajane

Quote:


Originally Posted by *airjordi* 
When I was getting my IV in for my son's birth, I overheard the nurse tell my doula, "oh, she won't be up and walking around, her water is broken."

um, whut?

A LOT of hospitals have strict guidelines about never ever ever walking around after the water is broken - supposedly because of the risk of cord prolapse. It's a load of crap, especially because if the water breaks on its own, the baby's head is usually right there at the cervix, blocking the way. Plus the biggest time for cord prolapse is right when the water breaks.


----------



## jewelsJZ

After having a c-section with my first child, I was wheeled to the recovery room where dh was holding ds. A nurse came in and said we needed to give him formula. I told her I was going to breastfeed. She said, "He's a big baby and needs formula as well. You need to give him a bottle now." I hadn't even had a chance to nurse him first. I told her no. She said, "Well, fine, but I am writing that down in your chart!" This made me and dh laugh.
Then she went to the woman on the other side of the curtain and told her that HER baby was too SMALL and needed formula right away. Dh is sure that she works on a contract from Enfamil or something.








She came back again a few minutes later and said, "You really need to feed him." She still wanted me to give him formula. When I said no and asked her why it was she thought I couldn't breastfeed him, she said it was because I had just come out of surgery and I might drop the baby! (dh was still holding him at the time and he was perfectly peaceful). I said, "So if someone helps me, like my husband, and makes sure I don't drop him, I could try breastfeeding him now." She said, "ok".
In hindsight, I should have told her to f*** off, but at any rate I am so glad I knew enough about breastfeeding to stand my ground. If only I would've known enough not to consent to a c-section, I'd have a different story altogether.


----------



## PatienceAndLove

And what, exactly, is the perfect size for a baby?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelsJZ* 
After having a c-section with my first child, I was wheeled to the recovery room where dh was holding ds. A nurse came in and said we needed to give him formula. I told her I was going to breastfeed. She said, "He's a big baby and needs formula as well. You need to give him a bottle now." I hadn't even had a chance to nurse him first. I told her no. She said, "Well, fine, but I am writing that down in your chart!" This made me and dh laugh.
Then she went to the woman on the other side of the curtain and told her that HER baby was too SMALL and needed formula right away. Dh is sure that she works on a contract from Enfamil or something.








She came back again a few minutes later and said, "You really need to feed him." She still wanted me to give him formula. When I said no and asked her why it was she thought I couldn't breastfeed him, she said it was because I had just come out of surgery and I might drop the baby! (dh was still holding him at the time and he was perfectly peaceful). I said, "So if someone helps me, like my husband, and makes sure I don't drop him, I could try breastfeeding him now." She said, "ok".
In hindsight, I should have told her to f*** off, but at any rate I am so glad I knew enough about breastfeeding to stand my ground. If only I would've known enough not to consent to a c-section, I'd have a different story altogether.


----------



## white_queen_22

Quote:


Originally Posted by *furfeet* 
At my last birth (vbac transfer) the hospitalist came in to grill me about not circ'ing, shots, or the eye meds. After I firmly told him no, no, no, he said "The vagina is a very dirty place, and he could have picked up all sorts of things in there" I just looked at him and laughed, but I really wanted to puke. I will never forget those words.

Did you ask him if he scrubs and sanitizes his penis after having sex?









That's a truly ridiculous comment.

Angela <><


----------



## kalirush

Quote:


Originally Posted by *white_queen_22* 
Did you ask him if he scrubs and sanitizes his penis after having sex?









That's a truly ridiculous comment.

Maybe he's gay...

It would explain the irrational distaste for female genitalia.

(not that that's true of all gay dudes; but it is true that some of them are in the "eeew! eeeeeeeeeew!" camp about girl parts.







)


----------



## frontierpsych

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kalirush* 
Maybe he's gay...

It would explain the irrational distaste for female genitalia.

(not that that's true of all gay dudes; but it is true that some of them are in the "eeew! eeeeeeeeeew!" camp about girl parts.







)

OMG, I had a friend like that! All you had to do is say "vagina" and he started freaking out going "EEEW! EEW! Ohmygod, EEEW!"


----------



## majikfaerie

:


----------



## applejuice

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kalirush* 
Maybe he's gay...

It would explain the irrational distaste for female genitalia.

(not that that's true of all gay dudes; but it is true that some of them are in the "eeew! eeeeeeeeeew!" camp about girl parts.







)

NO, he does not have to be gay to say that...Dr. Dean Edell had said things like that all of the time on his radio show for the past thirty years and gets away with it. I do not believe he is gay; he is just "ignorant" about the female genitalia and its natural bacteria count, although he has been married twice and has lots of kids.

He is an ophthamalogist, BTW. So Dr. Dean has no professional training in the female genitalia (just the usual "amateur" training). So he should not be making such rude remarks as a professional on the airwaves as he does...is the FCC listening? or AMA?

It is an old doctors' tale as opposed to an old wives' tale.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majikfaerie* 
gargh!







what is it with men and thinking vaginas are dirty??









Apparently, he thought penises, or rather foreskins, were dirty too.

I'm a bit







: at the thought that something that just had like a gallon of amniotic fluid pour through it could be too dirty for a baby who spent nine months floating in that same fluid.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PatienceAndLove* 
And what, exactly, is the perfect size for a baby?

For that nurse, apparently whatever size your baby isn't.


----------



## Celticqueen

Stupid thing a nurse said at my first hospital delivery:

"I am really surprised YOU would want an unmedicated birth."

Whatever that's supposed to imply...









-Caitrin


----------



## Sioko

When I was deep in labor land with DD1 and obviously uncomfortable (well duh) I found it particularly dumb that after being asked if I wanted an epi. and me saying "No thankyou. No epi." the nurse would always then look at my support (DH and mom) and ask THEM, "Really? Is she sure?" Like I wasn't capable of knowing my own mind. What'd she expect them to say, "No, she's telling a joke. Give her the drugs." or "Actually she's insane and answering the voices in her head, give her the drugs."


----------



## Celticqueen

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sioko* 
"Actually she's insane and answering the voices in her head, give her the drugs."



















-Caitrin


----------



## onetwoten

I just got back from a birth where the baby's father couldn't be there, and mom was supporting instead. It was very quick, and quite intense, and this was the first birth the mom had seen since birthing her own children 30+ years ago. We are really really deep into transition, after a whirlwind labor, and mom is having a lot of trouble coping. She's starting to ask us "Help me! Help me!" "Save me!!" And well... all those typical transition comments that tell us she's almost done.

Her mother takes one look at her, bursts into tears, starts wailing, grabs the nurse and starts screaming "She's dying!! Look at her, she's dying!! She's going to have a heart attack! Oh my god, my baby! She's dying!"

I don't think I'll ever get the look of the laboring moms face out of my memory. She needed firm unconditional support, and instead she had a mother screaming that she was about to die.


----------



## furfeet

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Apparently, he thought penises, or rather foreskins, were dirty too.

I'm a bit







: at the thought that something that just had like a gallon of amniotic fluid pour through it could be too dirty for a baby who spent nine months floating in that same fluid.

not to mention that there are bacteria in the vagina that babies are MEANT to pick up on the way out, for their own immune systems.

My husband came in to visit about 1/2 hr. later and I just started sobbing, all I could manage to say was "the doctor said I have a dirty vagina!" It took him a moment to realize I wasn't joking, then he got the look that if the doctor showed his face in the room again there'd be a fist in it right quick.


----------



## furfeet

oh and another male OB-vs-vagina story...
my mom's co-worker had just delivered and while sewing up her episiotomy the ob said "there, I made you pretty." She heard a few snipping sounds right before he said that. She doesn't know what he did, but she was actually grateful that he had "improved" the appearance of her vagina in some way after her baby's birth.







:


----------



## majikfaerie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *furfeet* 
oh and another male OB-vs-vagina story...
my mom's co-worker had just delivered and while sewing up her episiotomy the ob said "there, I made you pretty." She heard a few snipping sounds right before he said that. She doesn't know what he did, but she was actually grateful that he had "improved" the appearance of her vagina in some way after her baby's birth.







:

WTF!!!???


----------



## mamak05

At my hospital birth (no drugs) I heard the on-call dr and nurse conferring that labor would go faster if they broke my water. He came over to me and said "We're concerned about meconium in your water and want to break it so we will know if we need to get our special suctioning equipment." No, thank you, I said. He tried again. No, I said.

When my water broker during pushing it was clear and DD did not need any suctioning. I'm so glad I overheard the conversation, because I wasn't scared by the scare tactic.

I did tell him when I went back 6 weeks post-partum that trying to scare a woman in labor is not what he should be doing. Don't know if it made a difference.

Great thread. Thanks to all who shared.


----------



## Kirsten

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chpiper* 
My own birth had some memorable moments too...my first birth was 47 minutes long... (INTENSE) I arrive at the hospital ready to push, contrax on top of each other, really in the throws of labor and some nurse brings a paper to me with a bunch of faces on it asking me to show her which one resembles how I am feeling...I said circle the one that has a head coming out of her vagina...

This is my favorite in 24 pages! God, I laughed. And had to repeat to dp.

My births were great so I don't have any bad stories of my own to add. But I attended a friend's birth - and that doc....









She couldn't be bothered to come in the middle of the night, so my friend was told not to push, not to push. Met the on call doc and he seemed nice. I told her she should go ahead with him, but she wanted to wait for her doc. Big mistake... Her doc finally shows up. Mom is pushing. She is worried and unsure if everything is going ok. She asks the doc - no answer. I tell her everything is fine, but she is scared because the doc won't answer her - so she assumes the worst. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I was just seething. So baby is out TO HIS EARS and the doc very roughly SHOVED HIM BACK IN, my poor friend SCREAMS, doc cuts an epi, baby is born. I was beyond horrified, and wanted to punch her and cuss her out, but figured doc would have me removed from the room and my friend clearly needed someone with her to tell her things were ok - though clearly they weren't! THEN as the doc is stitching her up - get this - says "I am the best there is at repair." No shit Sherlock - you unnecessarily cut all women whether they need it or not, so you have plenty of practice!







And her doc is a woman. After my friend is cleaned up and it is all over, the nurse tells me I did a great job helping my friend. I thanked her; she was nice and did the best she could under the circumstances. The doc has the nerve to chime in, agreeing with the nurse's compliment. I gave her a dirty look and walked away. If I'd started - with just even one little comment - it would have been a floodgate, and I didn't want my friend to remember a slew of namecalling and a fist fight as her birth memory.


----------



## majikfaerie

okay kirsten. you win








that is the worst.














:


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## Thursday Girl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *furfeet* 
oh and another male OB-vs-vagina story...
my mom's co-worker had just delivered and while sewing up her episiotomy the ob said "there, I made you pretty." She heard a few snipping sounds right before he said that. She doesn't know what he did, but she was actually grateful that he had "improved" the appearance of her vagina in some way after her baby's birth.







:

My friend was sewn up with what do they call them "the husband knot", yeah sex was painful for her long after things healed b/c she had been sewn up too tight.


----------



## minkajane

This one didn't actually happen at a birth, but postpartum. I went in to see my Ob/Gyn because I was having a lot of pain with sex 3 months postpartum. The first thing she said was "Did you have an episiotomy?" I looked at her like she had three heads and said, "Um, YOU did my C-section." She just shrugged and said, "Oh." Do doctors even LOOK at their patients' charts before their appointments?


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sioko* 
When I was deep in labor land with DD1 and obviously uncomfortable (well duh) I found it particularly dumb that after being asked if I wanted an epi. and me saying "No thankyou. No epi." the nurse would always then look at my support (DH and mom) and ask THEM, "Really? Is she sure?" Like I wasn't capable of knowing my own mind. What'd she expect them to say, "No, she's telling a joke. Give her the drugs." or "Actually she's insane and answering the voices in her head, give her the drugs."









The really sick thing is that if you hadn't been up for talking, the nurse wouldn't have respected your support people telling her that you'd made your feelings clear, but just because you said something she didn't agree with, all of a sudden your support people are supposed to know what you really wanted.







nurse.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *furfeet* 
oh and another male OB-vs-vagina story...
my mom's co-worker had just delivered and while sewing up her episiotomy the ob said "there, I made you pretty." She heard a few snipping sounds right before he said that. She doesn't know what he did, but she was actually grateful that he had "improved" the appearance of her vagina in some way after her baby's birth.







:

Have you ever wanted to ask your mother what she was getting up to that the appearance of her vagina was a concern?


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## tex.mom

I've seen someone watching the monitor tell the mother "okay, that one's over..." (contraction).

DUH!!


----------



## white_queen_22

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tex.mom* 
I've seen someone watching the monitor tell the mother "okay, that one's over..." (contraction).

DUH!!

At my sisters hospital birth she had pitocin added to "get things started" and so, was on a monitor. At one point near transition her husband said *staring at the machine* "Wow! This is a big one!" The eloquent response "No Sh__ Sherlock"

hehehehehe


----------



## Sioko

I think the contraction counting machine thingy is dumb. Unless you have an epi. you know when you're having a contraction and exactly how "big" it is.

With DD1 I hated it when the little numbers on it were like 200 and something and you think, "Hey! That's a really big number! I can handle this! It won't be so bad..." and then they come in and RESET the stupid thing and now the contractions you were proud of yourself for only breathing through and not screaming.... are only a 10....







: "Oh crap... they can't be serious? Is it going to get all the way to 200 again?!?! Oh crap...."







:

That did nothing for my confidence as a first time birther who had decided to be drug-free!


----------



## PatienceAndLove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sioko* 
I think the contraction counting machine thingy is dumb. Unless you have an epi. you know when you're having a contraction and exactly how "big" it is.

With DD1 I hated it when the little numbers on it were like 200 and something and you think, "Hey! That's a really big number! I can handle this! It won't be so bad..." and then they come in and RESET the stupid thing and now the contractions you were proud of yourself for only breathing through and not screaming.... are only a 10....







: "Oh crap... they can't be serious? Is it going to get all the way to 200 again?!?! Oh crap...."







:

That did nothing for my confidence as a first time birther who had decided to be drug-free!

Just so you know, when I read "oh crap" I heard it in a minnesota accent. Made it even funnier.


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## alexaskj

dd was a hospital birth, and from the minute i got into triage, they started talking about pitocin.....so frustrating. anyway, after a million refusals and much walking, I passed my OB in the hall, and she looks at me and my dh, rolls her eyes (!) and says "I'm going to be here all night with you two..) I was so angry! and then later, as i'm hitting transition, she is trying to get me to take an epidural, telling me it's my last chance, and that I should anticipate at least another 2-3 hours of hard labor and then at least 2 of pushing and that she doesn't see me making it through without an epidural or at least 2 shots of stadol. I told her no, and as soon as i said it, she turned to walk out and told the nurse to order two doses of stadol........and hour and 23 minutes later, my baby girl was born.....drug free, mind you.....and they had to call the OB 3 times to get her to come. ugh......needless to say, I do not see that OB anymore.


----------



## Thursday Girl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alexaskj* 
dd was a hospital birth, and from the minute i got into triage, they started talking about pitocin.....so frustrating. anyway, after a million refusals and much walking, I passed my OB in the hall, and she looks at me and my dh, rolls her eyes (!) and says "I'm going to be here all night with you two..) I was so angry! and then later, as i'm hitting transition, she is trying to get me to take an epidural, telling me it's my last chance, and that I should anticipate at least another 2-3 hours of hard labor and then at least 2 of pushing and that she doesn't see me making it through without an epidural or at least 2 shots of stadol. I told her no, and as soon as i said it, she turned to walk out and told the nurse to order two doses of stadol........and hour and 23 minutes later, my baby girl was born.....drug free, mind you.....and they had to call the OB 3 times to get her to come. ugh......needless to say, I do not see that OB anymore.

what a UAV!


----------



## barefootpoetry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
This one didn't actually happen at a birth, but postpartum. I went in to see my Ob/Gyn because I was having a lot of pain with sex 3 months postpartum. The first thing she said was "Did you have an episiotomy?" I looked at her like she had three heads and said, "Um, YOU did my C-section." She just shrugged and said, "Oh." Do doctors even LOOK at their patients' charts before their appointments?

At my first prenatal appointment with my second pregnancy, I saw the same CNM who attended DS1's C-section. She walked in, held out her hand and said, "Hi, I'm ____, I don't think we've met." DS1 was sitting next to me, and I patted his knee and said, "Actually we have, you helped deliver this litle guy." The look on her face was priceless. I guess I don't expect CPs to remember all their patients, but it was still really amusing.


----------



## LilacMama

I was at a med-free birth today where the doctor was in an awkward position, attempting to turn an OP baby, while the woman was in transition and (obviously) quite uncomfortable. He started complaining about some tennis injury and how what he was doing was killing his hand. I was shocked -- I thought he was joking at first. What a thing to say to a woman in transition!


----------



## Thankful'n'Blessed

Oh wow! This thread is both hilarious and totally disgusting. Here's one from my SIL's birth:

After being strictly warned that our MIL/FIL were not welcome to be in the hospital waiting room...or even the parking lot for that matter (!), they some how ended up at the hospital anyway (Don't ask me!) So right after the birth(of a BIG football-shouldered baby boy) my SIL, trying to be thoughtful and nice, decided to let MIL in the room to meet the baby, even though she was still in the delivery room. MIL - a retired nurse and mother of 3 BTW - walks in and says in a voice of complete disgust, "Where did ALL that blood come from!?!" Um, yeah! Would you like to ask any more stupid questions? SIL says she's done trying to be nice. I don't blame her.


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## mntnmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thankful'n'Blessed* 
Oh wow! This thread is both hilarious and totally disgusting. Here's one from my SIL's birth:

After being strictly warned that our MIL/FIL were not welcome to be in the hospital waiting room...or even the parking lot for that matter (!), they some how ended up at the hospital anyway (Don't ask me!) So right after the birth(of a BIG football-shouldered baby boy) my SIL, trying to be thoughtful and nice, decided to let MIL in the room to meet the baby, even though she was still in the delivery room. MIL - a retired nurse and mother of 3 BTW - walks in and says in a voice of complete disgust, "Where did ALL that blood come from!?!" Um, yeah! Would you like to ask any more stupid questions? SIL says she's done trying to be nice. I don't blame her.

What? nobody told her were babies come from?


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## onetwoten

Just after the birth, nurse is looking over the mom's paperwork. Looks up, and in horrified voice, "Oh- you live on XXXX Street? Do you live in the BAD part? Isn't that a BAD street?"

What's the mom supposed to say? "Oh yeah... I live there. It sucks, people get shot, there's tons of drugs, my apartment is small, and my neighbors beat each other, but hey, you do what you gotta do!" ?!?!

It's a KNOWN bad area of the city, And my guess is, unless you've been there for a very long time, you're there because it's what's in your price range at the time. Way to ruin the mom's state of bliss by embarassing and worrying her.


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## goobergrl6

I have two. During my first labor I was pushing and pushing. I guess I was saying some funny stuff between contractions because all I remember is the whole room laughing every time. Well after pushing a while they kept telling me I was almost there and I finally yellled "You have been telling me that for and hour I don't Fing believe you anymore...." so they brought there mirror over so I could see and I pushed again and he was crowning, well he must of had something on his head and for some reason in my haze it looked weird because I yelled out" OMG he looks like a rodent!" (it was the top of his head) I thought everyone was gonna fall over laughing at me. My OB still calls him my little rodent.









During the same labor I was yelling while pushing. Yeah I know you are not supposed to and it uses up some of the energy you could be using to push but there were no drugs involved and IT HURT! So the nurse next to me has the NERVE to keep telling me not to yell....well she finally kinda yelled at me and was like "STOP YELLING" I turned to her and I showed her what yelling really sounded like. I told her " I WILL FING YELL IF I WANT TO FING YELL IT FING HURTS!" yeah let's tell a women in labor to be quiet...um NO!


----------



## kalirush

Quote:


Originally Posted by *goobergrl6* 
During the same labor I was yelling while pushing. Yeah I know you are not supposed to and it uses up some of the energy you could be using to push but there were no drugs involved and IT HURT! So the nurse next to me has the NERVE to keep telling me not to yell....well she finally kinda yelled at me and was like "STOP YELLING" I turned to her and I showed her what yelling really sounded like. I told her " I WILL FING YELL IF I WANT TO FING YELL IT FING HURTS!" yeah let's tell a women in labor to be quiet...um NO!

Jeez, yeah. One of my first pushing contractions, I just let out this looooooong scream, and the OB gave me this nasty, condescending speech about not doing that. I knew it was counterproductive. I didn't intend to keep doing it. But *#[email protected] you, #@(%#. I would have told her what you told your nurse except that I was totally nonverbal at that point. I thought it, though. Like CRAZY.


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## applejuice

Having had four children at home, I know it is normal to yell, scream, yodel, make lots of noise during labor, passive and active. Anyone who tells a laboring woman to be quiet simply does not understand or know anything about the process, regardless of the letters after their name that someone else gave them.


----------



## FondestBianca

If had had been in the mood during labor I may have laughed... or been extremely inraged at the following.

from a labor nurse as she noticed my cath bag being completely tinted red (bad insertion plus bladder tissue condition equals cath bag full of blood): "hmmm, I don't think it's supposed to be that color."







duh!

from another labor nurse after she sneakily slipped me a sleeping pill I refused several times: "oh and BTW, that was a sleeping pill, and you'll thank me in the morning." I didn't thank her in the morning







:

from my husband while I was cathed, on pit, and an epi, "I'm gonna order some Chinese delivery, you want any?" I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours at that point and wasn't allowed to even if I didn't feel a bit like puking. Oh, but I love him anyway









and the best and most comforting was from a recovery nurse. I called her into my room because I finally took a look at the damage and was a bit freaked at the amount of swelling. I told her my concern and she pulled my sheet back to take a look after assuring me swelling is "completely normal" and said, "oh..... OOHHHH! ..... that ISN'T normal." Gee, I felt so much better after her reassuring words.


----------



## dlm194

I went through nearly 2 days of labor following many days of prodromal labor. I was in the hospital for 17 hours laboring away. The nurse whom I started out with left at 7am and came back at 7pm just in time for my completely drug free vbac.

2 hours later she was helping me go to the bathroom. I was a little shaky from pushing and sore b/c I had labored in so many different positions. As she was helping me along I said something about my bottom being sore but I'd take it over a c-section recovery.

She proceeded to tell me that she had a patient recently who was crying to her about having a c-section. So she told the patient not to worry b/c "a vaginal birth isn't all that!"

Why, oh why, would you say this to a VBAC mom????


----------



## AGierald

im still reading these, but i wanted to add mine:

DH as im BEGGING for drugs at about 8cm... "you dont need drugs, you're fine" i wanted to punch him.

the best was ME though, as soon as he was born (his head was cocked to the side, and there were people standing around prepared to vacuum if i didnt push him out)
"am i done?! is it over? am i done?!" lol i know, i probably should have been concerned about the baby, but i didnt know there was an issue with him (he was floppy) i just wanted to know if i was done!


----------



## amrijane128

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice* 
Having had four children at home, I know it is normal to yell, scream, yodel, make lots of noise during labor, passive and active. Anyone who tells a laboring woman to be quiet simply does not understand or know anything about the process, regardless of the letters after their name that someone else gave them.


----------



## rebelmama

In the recovery room right after my emergency c-section (which was a homebirth transfer and something I planned and fought very hard not to have) my SIL said to me something like "And just think, you only experienced a fourth of what the real pain of labor is like". This was after 13 hours of completely unmedicated childbirth followed by another 9 of a downward spiral of interventions I didn't want due to "failure to progress". Talk about rubbing salt in a fresh wound!


----------



## Celticqueen

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice* 
Anyone who tells a laboring woman to be quiet simply does not understand or know anything about the process, regardless of the letters after their name that someone else gave them.

If someone told me to be quiet during labor, I would probably yell (louder than I had been) opius amounts of profanity and inappropriate language, and never apologize for it


----------



## kmb9906

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kalirush* 
Jeez, yeah. One of my first pushing contractions, I just let out this looooooong scream, and the OB gave me this nasty, condescending speech about not doing that. I knew it was counterproductive. I didn't intend to keep doing it. But *#[email protected] you, #@(%#. I would have told her what you told your nurse except that I was totally nonverbal at that point. I thought it, though. Like CRAZY.









Yep. I sucked in every bit of energy I could and put everything I had into pushing through one of my early contractions. I refused to think of anything else other than pushing, so I ended up yelling. The OB nurse promptly told me I was not to yell as it would waste my energy and "scare the other moms-to-be."







: Ummm, yeah, thinking about NOT yelling while pushing takes a whole heck of a lot more energy than just doing what comes naturally.


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## cynthia mosher

This is a "way back" thread I came across today when looking through the forum. Thought I'd bump it up as it's a really interesting discussion I'm sure there's lots more to add to it.







What stupid things have been said to you at birth?


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## alaskanmomma

-I- actually said the "WTF?" moment in my labor with DS... I was crowning when my midwife went to check to see if the cord was around baby's neck.. I started BAWLING and was like "Oh no, please don't push him back in!"

With both my kids my MIL said I had "easy" deliveries, uh no. When the baby is coming out of your vagina, you have a say in if it was easy or not.


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## Floretta

As I am pushing my daughter out at home, the MW asks:"Do you want me to use a warm or a cold cloth for perineal compression?" I was like "I don't f-ing care". Seriously, you're the expert, no? Then a minute later she asks "Do you want to touch the head?" and I, unable to move a single muscle yell "Just get it OUT!" She was born about a minute later, no tearing. I never asked the MW what temperature cloth she had ended up using


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## CoBabyMaker

Oh geez, where to start....

During my first labor when I was not pushing successfully the nurse looked irritated when she asked what class we had taken and the reply was that we had not taken any. It surely didn't have anything to do with the fact that I was totally numb from the epi and couldn't feel a darn thing. I couldn't even keep my right leg on the table because it just kept falling off.

At some point during my 3 hours of pushing (after about 48 hours of labor) someone from billing came in to tell us that we owed money and it needed to be paid before the end of the day. ??? The nurse looked at her and said, "Um, we're having a baby here!" 2 days after coming home we looked at the paper she gave us...it had a different person's name on it.

After a horrible birth experience ending in a c-section and being separated for a long time in recovery I finally had my wits about me enough to remember I should try to nurse DD. Just as we were finishing a NICU nurse walked in and said, "Oh good you're done. We're stealing her, she's ours now." If she was trying to be funny, it didn't work.

With DD2 we planned an HBAC and ended up transferring for another c/s. The day after one of the nurses was basically commenting on how unsafe home birth was and told me, "You know , this isn't the first time we've seen her in here." in reference to my midwife. I just ignored her. Uh, ok, so she brings women to the hospital when it's needed. That's bad why?


----------



## bmcneal

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *alaskanmomma*
> 
> -I- actually said the "WTF?" moment in my labor with DS... I was crowning when my midwife went to check to see if the cord was around baby's neck.. I started BAWLING and was like "Oh no, please don't push him back in!"
> 
> With both my kids my MIL said I had "easy" deliveries, uh no. When the baby is coming out of your vagina, you have a say in if it was easy or not.


My mom and everyone kept/keeps insisting that my birth with DS (VBAC, 10 lb 7 oz), was "difficult." I keep trying to tell them that actually, no, it wasn't bad at all. I did get an epidural, but could still feel the need to push, felt pressure, was being vocal (though DF says not that bad), but it was *so* easy (compared to what I thought/was made to believe it would be. Not that it was like, *sneeze* and baby is born, but... the way my mom made it out... seemed... impossible.), though I think it could have been a bit better if I had actually had some *sleep* the night(s) before. DD was *so* excited to be a big sister, she didn't sleep for three days before I went to be induced. Kid no sleep = mama no sleep = exhaustion early on in labor. Not fun.


----------



## Quinalla

Nothing too bad at mine except being a first-timer, I didn't know how far along I was and they certainly didn't think I would go fast, so they were asking me some demographics questionnaire while I was in transition. I was actually answering most things pretty quickly and they were understanding about pauses for contractions or DH chiming in, but if any of us had known how close I was to giving birth, I think it would have been skipped until after! (I got to the hospital ~4pm and gave birth a bit after 6pm).

I had gone to the bathroom when they wheeled me into the delivery room from triage (I was 5 cm supposedly at triage) and when I got up off the bed I felt everything shift. I peed and was feeling a lot of pressure, so I asked the nurse to check me. She agreed, but I could tell she was basically humoring me, but when she checked me and I was complete everyone freaked out. It was actually pretty funny, but honestly a bit silly







One nurse is immediately on the phone to my OB telling him to come in NOW and the other nurse is telling me not to push, but I hear my OB yelling at them to not tell me that, I can push if I want and if he doesn't make it the on-call OB at the hospital can handle it. He also scolded them to calm down and turn the lights down when he arrived as they were all still running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

The OB from the practice did make it and he said something like "We'll meet after, here is a quick primer on pushing." when he came in and a little later when my pushes weren't very productive (I just couldn't get the knack of it, pushing was very weird to me) he joked something like "Don't worry about pushing too hard, see this young intern back here, if the baby comes flying out he'll catch her don't worry!" And he was very congratulatory of my fast, drug-free birth and made sure to get me a local before stitching up my 2nd degree tear (nuchal hand!)

Honestly, I had a really great hospital birth and all of these were more funny than bad, I only ran into one mean nurse postpartum and she wasn't that bad. I think it definitely helped that I came to the hospital so late so they didn't have time to do much and that my OB practice while not perfect is pretty good. Like I didn't have to worry about a surprise episiotomy as they were as horrified by those that did them routinely as I was.


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## Veritas Vitae

My midwife had another birth overnight before I came in the following morning. She was clearly tired, but I felt she was sort of pushing for things to progress more quickly, not that they progressed slowly, my daughter was born ~3.5 hours after I got there. My labor, as is completely normal, slowed down when we left my house to go to the birth center, but my midwife questioned my sister, sort of like, this is all she is laboring, as though we came in too early...I was 7-8 cm when she checked me. We did not want to break the water, and had even told her that we thought it would be cool if our daughter was born in the caul. However, after a little while (and again, we weren't even there that long, it was probably after two hours of laboring in the birth tub by ourselves (she was resting in the other room and I like that we had our own space to labor and I think she knew that, but dammit, I paid extra to labor in the birth tub, so why was I being rushed!), she said if things didn't move along she was going to break my water, this was our first child, and my husband and I felt like maybe she knew best, even though it wasn't what we discussed. Luckily, my sister and doula stepped in to talk to us about not letting her break my water, and the water ended up breaking on its own right before the midwife came back. Then after the baby was born, I had some labial tearing and they were looking at it talking about how bad it was (I believe the word "flaps" was used) and trying to figure out the best way to stitch it up







. Uhm, you're talking about sewing up my lady bits and you're not sure how to do it, and talking about how terrible it is right after I had my first baby? My husband was pissed! I was too focused on getting finished up and getting to hold my daughter again, but later I was really angry that it seemed they moved forward with stitching me up instead of referring me to the hospital or someone who knew what they were doing. Luckily, I healed up just fine. Through the whole birth, I felt like I was imposing on my midwife because she had been at a birth the night before, and I felt sort of short-changed on my birth experience because of it. I understand that she was tired, and it sucks that she had two births, but the other midwife who was there to help out was completely supportive and patient and kind throughout the whole birth, and she had also been at the other birth. We've decided to just have our next child at the hospital and to be very clear on our birth plan. I figure from the time my sister had her baby in the hospital 10 years ago, things have changed with hospital births for the educated pregnant woman, and I talked to a woman in my Bradley class who had an excellent birth in the hospital and all of her wishes and birth plan were respected.


----------



## Turquesa

Dumbest thing I heard was from my DH. Right while I was in the violent throes of transition, it was only my profound and undying love for the man that stopped me from throttling him when he said, "Why don't you try some of your yoga breathing, honey?"

I don't remember responding: "F^%$ MY YOGA BREATHING!!" But I'll take his word for it that I did.


----------



## JamieCatheryn

In the middle of pushing my DH offered me triscuits and cheese, my midwife and I gave him an incredulous look and laughed at him.


----------



## somegirl99

What a great thread!

I had very supportive nurses for my natural birth, but the on-call OB was not at all. I was busy pushing, breathing and moaning through the pushes, and she told me I needed to hold my breath for each push. "You're never going to get that baby out pushing that way."









Funny moment was from me, I had a head cold when I went into labor, and when I was in transition I got up on my hands and knees on the bed. My nose started dripping like crazy. Somehow in the middle of moaning through the contractions that were one on top of another, barely able to speak, throwing up from time to time (for which all I could say was "Sick!" and my DH would shove a pan under my mouth), I was able to politely ask, "Can I have a Kleenex, please?" The nurses found it hilarious that I was able to ask so nicely, and did rush to get me my Kleenex.


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## gcgirl

Oh, that's a bunch of crap! I had to get stitched up after DS1, and the newbie (teaching hospital) kept trying to stitch me up without pain relief. DH had to keep remind him I didn't have an epidural. I don't know what took him so long to figure it out. Sheesh! That needle hurt worse even than pit contractions.


----------



## Ms Rabbit

My labour with Ds2 progressed very fast (90 mins total), and we were at home waiting for the midwives to arrive for our homebirth. DH asked if he could quickly call his parents, just to let them know we were in labour. He left our bedroom where I was labouring to make the 'quick' call while I dealth with yet another contraction. A few minutes later, I hear DH chit-chatting, asking his dad about their weather (they live 4 hours away). LOL Poor DH, he was a little panicked that the midwives hadn't arrived yet and I guess this was his coping mechanism. Ds2 was born just a few minutes after that weather convo 

I laugh everytime I think of it now, but at the time I wasn't too pleased! I love that man


----------



## bmcneal

I remembered some things that people said to me before/during the birth of DS.

Not at the birth itself, but every day from ~38 weeks, my mom would call, and ask me if we had him yet, and tell me that some people just aren't meant to have babies naturally, and that some people always have to have c-sections, and that I was being selfish/careless/reckless to try for a VBAC. (I went on to have happy, healthy baby at 41w5d.)

The whole time from the time we went in to be induced, until after DS was born, this one nurse kept asking me, "Why do you want this (VBAC) so bad?" Maybe not stupid, but quite annoying.


----------



## mommyammons

I've been reading through this thread for 3 days just waiting to get to the end so I could add my own.

I think my first was probably the worst with the stupid comments. 36 hour labor with contractions starting at 3 min. apart. We of course rushed to the hospital bc it was my first and I had no idea how bad the contractions where actually going to get. I remember sitting at the registration desk breathing through contractions and saying "I'm about to have this baby and you are actually asking me my religion." Of course I was only about 1.5 cent. at the time, but she didn't know that.

Then I get to my room and they start hooking me up to everything and I ask about walking, birthing ball, shower, etc (all of the things we were told about in the birthing class which was the class the hospital offered) and the nurse said "No, honey. You have to stay in the bed with the monitors." Me: "What?! They lied to me. I have to stay here with this itchy monitor strapped to my belly?!" I was one peeved momma!!! ( I also had a horrible rash on my belly, so the straps were "killing" me) Then my nurse who came in to check me every couple of hours had very short stubby fingers, so I asked for someone else and made sure to check all of my nurses hands before allowing them to do cervical checks. Everybody seemed to get a kick out of this.

I also remember my hubby making some very irritating comments. Once during a contraction I was squeezing his hand at the peak and he had the nerve to ask if I could "let up a little" I told him that he just had to deal with it bc that was only a fraction of the pain I was dealing with. Then he falls asleep while I'm moaning and groaning on the bed and has the nerve to ask me to "keep it down" because he's trying to sleep!!!!! I was like "eeexxxxccuuuusssseee meeeeee for interrupting your beauty sleep!" And then there was also the constant complaint of it being freezing in the room bc I was in labor and extremely hot. He kept asking the nurses for extra blankets. And going out into the waiting room to visit with our family and friends bc he was bored and didn't want them to feel left out! (I'm not even sure who was left in the waiting room bc it seemed like EVERYBODY was in the room with me!


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## mommyammons

Then of course, my doctor was out of town so I ended up with the oldest dr. ever! He insisted on breaking my water at 4cm, attaching the internal monitor on the babies head and got very irritated when I told him I did not want those things. He said " I have to keep the baby alive" What?! I believe I'm the one that has been taking care of this baby for the last 9 months and will continue to do so for the next 18 years, but you have to attach a probe to its head to keep it alive?

Not to mention being 9.5 cent. dialated according to the nurse and I'm telling her I need to push (my body is actually doing it involuntarily) and she refuses to call the dr. because I'm not ready yet. She kept getting mad at me bc I would ask her every 15 min. to check to see if I was ready, because I really needed to push. She said "I have better things to do then to continue to check my cervix every time you want." I ended up swelling so bad I told my mom (during my post delivery shower) that I looked like I had a softball sized vagina. And my poor baby had a cone shaped head that added a whole inch to her birth length.

The quack dr. also sewed up my 2nd degree tears with no local bc he said if I had dealt with the whole 36 hour labor med free then I should be able to handle a few stitches! This was after pouring about 5 gallons of soap over my vagina and babies head as I pushed her out to make it sterile. This at a hospital who routinely took the baby away for 4 hours to be accessed and stabelized after birth. When she wasn't brought back to my room after 6 hours, my husband called the nursery to ask why and they said that they had to pump her stomach bc she swallowed amniotic fluid...Hmmm, you mean the stuff she's been swallowing for the past 9 months or could it have been the soap you guys kept pouring over her head!!!

Ugh! there were just sooo many things about that birth that irk me!


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## mommyammons

At my second birth which was pitocin induced I tried my best to resist the epidural, but in the end I gave in. It was actually the best epidural experience ever. My nurse was so sweet, she let me lean on her and hugged me like she was my momma! As soon as I laid back down, I was numb and she told me I was ready to push! She actually said if I pushed the baby out b4 dr. got there not to worry bc she had done this before  I pushed her out in 5 min just after the dr. sat down on his little stool!!!! And shortly after I told the nurse I had to pee and she was surprised that I could feel the need to pee, so she took out the cathater and I walked to the bathroom! My husband rudely commented that I should have just stuck it out and that I didn't even need the epidural! Well maybe not, but that was my decision to make and I'm glad I did it, bc it made the last hour of my labor very pleasurable 

At my 3rd hospital birth, 2nd pitocin induction...I was finally ready to push after about 12 hours. The nurse set up the stirrups and told me I could go ahead and push bc it would probably take a while...she hadn't even called the dr. yet! I tried to tell her that I pushed my last baby out in about 3 pushes but she insisted that I get started. So I pushed one good time and baby started coming out. She immediately took my legs out of the stirrups and held them together and told me to wait until the dr. arrived. Of course I start crying bc now I'm holding an 8 lb baby in my vagina (any body ever heard of prairie dogging..lol) and she says, "OH now don't cry you're just gonna get stuffy and not be able to breathe" Then the dr. finally comes and starts joking around with my husband about hunting or some stupid man thing and I say "Excuse me, I'm waiting on you to catch my baby!!!!!" Cool thing about his birth was that his umbilical cord had two true knots in it. The dr. said he had never seen that before and he kept it to study it!

4th birth was just weird.....I had so many weird interventions. I was induced "again" bc I had excess fluid and when they broke my water it just started gushing out. There was a student (I'm not sure what kind) standing off to the side and when I looked up and saw his face, I started laughing and that just made the water gush out more...haha! They put IN all sorts of monitors, one on the babies head and one attached to my uterus, which didn't work and they had to change out the wires 3 times, then of course the catheter all while I'm laying on the bed unable to move bc of epidural with my legs spread open and people are just coming in and out as they please including two male students. Then right before I gave birth they said they needed to put insert more fluid into my uterus bc maybe they pushed out to much when they broke my water?!?!? Needless to say I ended up with a horrible infection a couple of days post partum. Not to mention when she was sewing me up from the horrible tears she comments on how she's never seen anybody swell so much! I was like maybe because you guys kept feeling the need to shove things into my vagina. I also had to get a second catheter (after epidural wore off and after birth...very painful) bc I couldn't pee. My uterus was too swollen to let me relieve my bladder. I didn't sit for 2 weeks after baby number 4!!!

I'm going for a natural waterbirth and a midwife with baby number 5, so we'll see how it goes


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## Sudonk

During my first birth I was stuck in a triage cubicle for 8 hours because there were no rooms. It was a teeeeeeeny little room with barely enough room for my husband and my doula and me, so there was no room for moving around. I kept going out for walks because I needed more movement. I was calm and focused using self-hypnosis and a nurse saw me leaning against my husband calmly relaxing through a long, powerful birthing wave. She decided that would be the perfect time to walk over, tap me on the shoulder and begin a long diatribe about how excited she was to see me using hypnosis and all about every instance she'd ever encountered of someone using it, etc. My husband kept politely asking her to wait until my birthing wave was over to talk to me, but she was oblivious. I was trying to ignore her and stay focused, but her bubble-headed jabbering gave me the giggles!


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## myra1

Wow some of these experiences break my heart! We need more doulas and womens advocates! Mine are not as bad but....I labored 12 hours alone at home while caring for my preschooler (and by caring for, i mean moan on the floor while he consumed an entire bag of goldfish crackers) before transitioning and starting to push while seatbelted in during a 45 min car ride, knelt on the bed and ripped open pushing out my 10pounder a few minutes after arriving. A few hours later, the new nurse glanced at my chart and crowed about how short and easy my labor was....as if since she didnt witness it, it was short, and as if me not arriving at 2 cm asking for meds meant it was easy! Reminds me of the quote...the secret is not that birth is easy, it's that women are strong. At the same birth, it was just a few minutes post delivery and I was blissfully holding my baby, taking a breath, the nurse was insisting I brfeed. I said sure, in a few minutes. Next thing I know she is right in my face, repeating my name loudly and saying, "if this brfeeding thing is going to work, you're going to have to get him latched on now! " then she grabs my breast and starts stuffing it in his mouth. Way to kill my new mommy buzz.... I appreciate her enthusiasm for immediate brfeeding, but would also appreciate some respect for my choices and ability. My two other brfed kids were standing right threre...


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## Banana731

Some of these are so funny, but many are really sad









Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amberskyfire*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> [
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> : Did we have the same doctor?!
> 
> I felt that I had an ectopic with my third pregnancy and went to the OB to have it checked out. He didn't even examine me or see me in an examining room. He heard I had come in to have a possible ectopic checked out and took me straight to his OFFICE where he saw me behind his desk and calmly informed me that I "did not have an ectopic pregnancy." Yes, he could apparently tell this JUST BY LOOKING AT ME. Just another case of doctors refusing to hear a woman who suspects something might be wrong with her because goodness forbid a patient might actually know what's going on with their own body.
> 
> He refused to test me several times and finally lost his temper with me and I left crying. I took myself to the nearest hospital and begged them to help me and they took me in the emergency room and assigned me a new OB. I was rushed to the tech room to get an ultrasound.
> 
> Guess what they found growing in my right ovary?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And what happened when I called the previous OB's office and told them what happened and asked why I didn't get care that could have saved my life? They told me I was never allowed to call there again and that they were destroying my file.
> 
> Nice.


I wonder if his completely innapropriate and unprofessional reaction had anything to do with his personal feelings on termination...

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kalirush*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *white_queen_22*
> 
> 
> _Did you ask him if he scrubs and sanitizes his penis after having sex?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That's a truly ridiculous comment._
> 
> 
> Maybe he's gay...
> 
> It would explain the irrational distaste for female genitalia.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> )


I actually think that there is a certain percentage of male OBs who are really and truly misogynists. As in may have actually become OBs for that reason. I just can't come up with any other reason in this day and age Why we have practitioners who have things like 80% episiotomy rates. I obviously don't have anything to back it up, but from what I have seen, I truly believe it.


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## Banana731

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Narn*
> 
> When I was getting ready to push (on my back with no feeling from the waist down and my legs in stirrups) the nurse squirted Johnsons Baby Shampoo into my vagina. She was swishing it around, and my sister asked her what she was doing. She said:
> 
> "I can make bubbles!"
> 
> That's pretty stupid!!!!!


I think I can shed some light on this!

I met a someone who told me that an old OB they knew would squirt this in mom's vaginas because it kept the mothers from tearing. He was using it as a lubricant. :/


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## amlikam

When I had PROM with DD at 36 weeks I called the hospital/midwives on call and told them "I am 99% sure my water broke"- they asked me "We need you to come in because we can't be sure without checking you to see if it really is amniotic fluid." after they said that loud gush of water into the toilet they ask "what was that?" and I said "I thought it was my water, but I guess I can't be sure until you tell me"... Then they were more serious about how I should come in because it was ealier than anticipated. At the hospital every nurse commented on how they have never seen a woman gush so much water.

I ended up with pitocin aumentation and the RN would come in every time all cheerful and say "it's the best time of the day! time to up the anty" (WTH? Serious?)

At one point DH said to me "I'm tired, I think I need a nap" this was after him sleeping all night while I was awake hoping for labor to start on its own and him sleeping in the day before. I hadn't slept for over 72 hours and really wanted to punch him...

Also I asked if I could have something to eat and the RN said "sure would you like red or green jello?" I looked at her and said "seriously, I want to eat, jello is not food." At which point the CNM came in and said "sure do you want some toast or something." I said, "No I want a large steak and cheese and something really acidic so it burns like hell if it comes back up."


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## Cali2SC

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Babytime*
> 
> I gave birth to DD2 at a teaching hospital and the young doctor was poking my vagina and saying, "push here!" I was like, really, I had no idea!












There are some really awesome ones in this thread!

With DD we transfered to a hospital from a birth center. It was 42 hours from my water breaking until I finally birthed our baby vaginally. For the most part everyone was awesome. It was a teaching hospital and I think I met all the residents that day. Only one was male. First time he came in to check me he actually shoved me up the bed! I said something to the effect of "WHOA!" and he said he would come back when my epidural was working..... Ummm maybe it is your big man hands?!? Seriously everyone has been up in there and you are the only one that physically shoved me up the bed!

He didn't show up again until I was actively pushing, undirected. He started in with cheerleader style "Push! Push! Push!" I actually stopped pushing mid-contraction, and gave him a look. My sister said it was great because DH, myself, the other ob resident and the nurses all paused and shot him looks in perfect unison. He turned around and walked out of the room.









My sister also overheard the head resident comment that she "wasn't ready to give up on me yet." When she was leaving the room, after checking on me. I would have totally panicked if I had heard this! My water had been broken for so long that DH was convinced that they were going to whisk me away for a c-section as soon as we arrived (though to his credit, he never said so until much later, like DD was over a year old!) I think my mw must have lied about how long my water had been broken (making it sound like it took place at the bc and not at home the night before we even went to bc.)


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## Cali2SC

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EBeth0000*
> 
> Not as much stupid as just funny
> 
> Me immediately after birth: "Is it a boy or a girl? Honey, is it a boy or a girl?"
> 
> DH (sobbing, holding our DS): "It's a baby! It's a baby! It's a baby!"
> 
> um, yeah, he was too overwhelmed to check on that particular piece of information for me for a while. . .










love it!


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## Vaquitita

Loved these. I was not happy with my first hospital birth (3rd bàby) but after these, it seems a lot better. Nobody told me to be quiet or gave me grief over my choices. The first nurse I had kept asking me how my pain was? I just gave her à blank look, it's a contraction, but I'm handling it fine. The next nurse was better, tried to make it as close to my homebirths as she could. found after the birth that they have a 95 percent epi rate! they kept telling me they were full, but i never saw or heard another woman. so my birth was def out of their comfort zone!

The most annoying thing that happened was while I was pushing. The nurse and the ob had this long conversation about whether my water was clear or not (it broke in the tub). Doc: was it clear? Nurse: idk, it broke in the bathtub. Doc: but was there meconium in it? Nurse: idk she was in the water. If I had been capable of talking, I would have told them it was clear, I obviously have more experience with this than them lol. The tub was white, the room bright, it wasn't hard to tell. It was also very annoying that so many people were talking while I was pushing. Push. Don't push. I was on my knees with my back to them. Dh too was trying to talk over them, trying to give me something to focus on (cause I was screaming). Which is good in theory,, but just added to the confusion. I finally just screamed and pushed that bàby out to gèt it over with. On the plus side, the baby just slid out onto the bed (i had one hand on him, i had one hand on my vagina feeling his head the whole time i was pushing) and i flipped over and picked him up. That doc was pretty hands off, looking back, she probably couldn't see anything.

the nurse was convinced that I had torn (maybe cause of my 'huge' 9lber. Not even my biggest babe) so the doc gave me a local (after asking my permission), but after cleaning me up there was no tear. That local was kind of nice, took away the stinging from pushing fast.


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