# wants to be held all night



## flower365 (Feb 22, 2003)

My six month old son has been in the family bed since birth. He has always been nursed to sleep for naps and night time. About 95% of his naps have taken place being held in my arms, which I think is really sweet, and I think it's good for him to feel so comfortable and secure. The problem is lately he wakes up throughout the night (6 or more times) with no other issue than wanting to be held while he sleeps. He has gotten used to the cushy life. He also wakes every few hours to nurse, which is normal for babies, but this is different. I've tried side-lying to nurse him when he just wants to be held, to give him something comforting without putting myself out, but it's not working too well. I'm not sure what to do, because holding him throughout the night is not my idea of fun. I want to be able to hold him during naps but don't want to be chained to the habit all night long.

Any suggestions??


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

On rare occaisons my DD has woken up in the middle of the night crying, and needed me to sit up and hold her for a minute so she could fall back asleep. So I think I know what phenomenon you are describing.

I don't have too many suggestions, except that I'm pretty sure this is a phase that will probably go as quickly as it came. Can you experiment with different sleeping positions for both of you so that he can feel secure and you can be comfy and sleep? Sometimes my DD likes it if I lie on my side with my knees pulled up - she lies on her back and rests her feet on my knees...she likes that, lol. So maybe some combination of you and him would help him.

Sorry I can't be of much more help!


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## Sahara (Nov 28, 2001)

You know, when my DS was 5 or 6 months old, he went through a period of 6 weeks where he would only nurse lying down. I never figured it out, but it was definately inconvenient, and impossible to nurse him in public during that time. It was a long phase, one that was driving me nuts. But now it seems like a blip. I'm just hoping your nighttime holding sessions will turn out to be a blip too. Maybe his tummy is bothering him and he is more comfortable sitting up, or maybe he's starting to teeth and he doesn't like the pressure on his jaw while he's lying down. It's hard to tell, hopefully it will pass soon.
Steph


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

When I had a baby who wanted to be held all night and much of the day, a few things helped.

First, La Leche League meetings where I met other moms who also had babies who wanted to be held all night, so I knew my baby was normal.

Then, remembering my own childhood fear of the dark, so I knew a child who wanted to be held a lot, especially a helpless infant at night, was normal.

Also, reading about parenting in other cultures has been enormously helpful to me to understand what NORMAL is. In most world cultures babies are held all the time or most of the time. (I believe that the reason it is so exhausting to us is that we are separated into nuclear families where we no longer have the support of the other women and their helping arms, as was common for most of human history in the extended family.)

For instance the book Our Babies Ourselves, by Meredith Small was very helpful to me.

And these articles by James McKenna
Cultural Influences on Infant Sleep
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/culturalarticle.html

Rethinking Healthy Infant Sleep
http://www.naturalchild.com/james_mc...ethinking.html

I think because most of us Westerners were left alone all night as children, and because in our culture we spend so much time alone as individuals, it can feel very draining when a child needs us so much. I remember vividly the feelings you mention of feeling "chained" to a child or wondering if these needs are normal.

I also agree that babies and children go through phases of needing to feel more attached for emotional and or physical reasons, phases that pass and sometimes later return (to pass again.)

And if simply knowing it is normal is not enough, and you need tips to deal with the exhaustion, have you checked out the other threads and book recommendations on this section of the board?


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## sparkeze (Nov 20, 2002)

My DS still occasionally does this, but he used to do it quite frequently!

2 things that work well for us:
1. when this happens I lay him down in the crook of my arm and my hand against his back. Not the most comfortable, but better than sitting up.
2. I curl up around him in a fetal position and my arm touches the top of his head and my legs curl under his.

Hope that helps!


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

I'm there with you, sister - my ds, 6 months, really sleeps best when he's being held! It can be soooooooo tiring, because he'll often wake up after being asleep in my arms for an hour when I finally try to put him down so I can lie down and get some sleep myself. In the middle of the night, he often won't accept being soothed back to sleep or nursing lying down - he's just gotta be picked up.

I've learned to sleep sitting up - two pillows behind me, one on either side under my arms, and one under my knees - so I can sleep OK holding him. I wish I had one of those adjustable hospital beds, KWIM?

We've started trying to put him down more for naps, to try to get him used to sleeping without being held, because working on that in the middle of the night is just too difficult. We're not looking for complete independent sleeping, just enough to promote better sleep for all of us. Especially me, because I haven't had 4 hours sleep in a row since ds was born.

One thing that my husband discovered is that ds will sleep soundly in his infant car seat (which we're no longer using in the car), on the desk right next to him. When ds stirs, dh rocks the car seat gently and shhhs him, and ds will go back to sleep. We've been able to get 2 hour naps out of ds that way, and I think the better he sleeps during the day the better he sleeps at night. It's particularly funny given that ds HATED his infant car seat to ride in, but likes it to nap in! Go figure.

Have you checked out Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution? It has some good ideas in there.

Hang in there!


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## flower365 (Feb 22, 2003)

Thanks for the support and good advice - some nights are easier than others - luckily I am deleriously in love with this babe!


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