# Child scared to go to the bathroom



## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

My 4 year old daughter is very sensitive and has some anxiety issues. If she gets upset about an issue she gets stuck on it for ages. Yesterday while at the mall my mother took Eliana to the bathroom. Someone before her must have clogged it because when she flushed it overflowed right out of the toilet and started to spray all over the place. She got too flustered to undo the lock on the door but luckily my mother was able to talk her through it to get her to unlock the door. She was completely terrified. I was waiting outside the bathroom in the store, about 50 feet away and I heard her screaming like she was hurt or something. That was at about 11am yesterday and since then she is terrified of toilets. We basically have to force her to go and sit there with her. We have been reassuring her and telling her it was just the one toilet that was broken but she doesn't believe us. She went to her first day of day camp today and they said that she told them she had to go but she was too scared to. How can we help her get over this fear? I am worried she will get a bladder infection because she is trying to hold it for so long.

I should add that her brother is diagnosed with anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder and she has pretty much all of the same symptoms (will be assessed when she is 6) so this might be more difficult than it would be for the average child.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

I don't know if you will be able to use any of this info, but we had an almost identical type incident with my 3.5yo DD. She has been using the toilet fine by herself since last Christmas. Then we went to the USA for 3 weeks, and almost every single toilet there - in hotels, in restaurants, at the park.... have these automatic flushing mechanisms. First, they are really noisy and scared the heck out of her; and second, they occasionally go off before you finish. My DD was literally scared to death to go. She would ask "does it flush self?" and would then refuse to go. I tried saying I would hold her on the toilet and she could hold her ears, I tried to cover the sensor, I tried to assure her.... She started holding it in a scary amount of time - like 13 hours, then either just making it to the toilet and crying or wetting her pants. The day before we were leaving she complained about her yoni hurting, so I imagine she was getting a bladder infection. When we got home, the first thing she did was go to the toilet, and say out loud "a normal toilet again." She was better again, and not hurting, after a day. But I honestly don't know what we would of done if we had stayed longer. This visit was nearly 3 weeks, which is a long time to not be able to pee when you need.

I don't have any brilliant ideas. Maybe get her a plastic toilet - and just tell her it is temporary until she feels up to using the regular toilet again?


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Ask her what she thinks would help.

Let her use a potty chair.

Lots of talking and hugs. Lots of potty themed books for bedtime.

Letting her come to the potty with you and see how you manage it just fine.

Good luck









V


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## lyterae (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
I don't know if you will be able to use any of this info, but we had an almost identical type incident with my 3.5yo DD. She has been using the toilet fine by herself since last Christmas. Then we went to the USA for 3 weeks, and almost every single toilet there - in hotels, in restaurants, at the park.... have these automatic flushing mechanisms. First, they are really noisy and scared the heck out of her; and second, they occasionally go off before you finish. My DD was literally scared to death to go. She would ask "does it flush self?" ?

We have this issue as well, if a bathroom has automatic flushing toilets or has air dryers for drying hands DD will freak out and refuse to use the bathroom. She is noise sensitive and it's an onslaught of sounds for her.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

heavenly i think the fear your dd is showing is right on with usual development.

most of my dd's class went thru those fears at age 3 and 4. by the time they were 5 they got out of it.

for my dd it really wasnt fear. it was PAINFUL.

plus add on the 'irrational' fear.

i would continue doing what you are doing.

that's what i did with my dd. i would go into the restroom with her.

with automatic toilets i would hold a piece of paper in front of the sensor.

at home she would go and then leave the bathroom and i would flush.

i think i did it for a year. and then she got out of it.

and yes she has anxiety. not enough yet to need medication yet, but still there.


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## emilysmama (Jun 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
My 4 year old daughter is very sensitive and has some anxiety issues. If she gets upset about an issue she gets stuck on it for ages. Yesterday while at the mall my mother took Eliana to the bathroom. Someone before her must have clogged it because when she flushed it overflowed right out of the toilet and started to spray all over the place. She got too flustered to undo the lock on the door but luckily my mother was able to talk her through it to get her to unlock the door. She was completely terrified. I was waiting outside the bathroom in the store, about 50 feet away and I heard her screaming like she was hurt or something. That was at about 11am yesterday and since then she is terrified of toilets. We basically have to force her to go and sit there with her. We have been reassuring her and telling her it was just the one toilet that was broken but she doesn't believe us. She went to her first day of day camp today and they said that she told them she had to go but she was too scared to. How can we help her get over this fear? I am worried she will get a bladder infection because she is trying to hold it for so long.

I should add that her brother is diagnosed with anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder and she has pretty much all of the same symptoms (will be assessed when she is 6) so this might be more difficult than it would be for the average child.

Wow! That too, would have scared me. This is more complicated than the automatic flush toilets.

Ask dd whether she would feel better if you flushed the toilet before she sat on the toilet to make sure that it is working properly.

Or would she sit on the toilet if the door were unlocked? Maybe the door will stay shut by itself. Or would she sit on the toilet if the stall door remained open? (Yes, no privacy for her, but it's better than nothing and it is hopefully temporary.) Or instead of locking the stall door, how about if an adult stands outside of the door and holds the door closed?

Or how about if an adult flushes the toilet after she is done and a safe distance away from the toilet?

For a while, I had to warn my dd that I was going to flush the toilet so that she could move away from the toilet and cover her ears.

She should be able to tell you what, if any measures will help her. I'll bet the day camp will be happy to help with little things like that, once you identify what she wants.

On the other hand, I viidly recall a time during the phase that dd was afraid of automatic flush toilets that I told her that the automatic toilets where we were at were the only toilets in unfamiliar downtown San Francisco that I knew of, and she elected to wait while we ran all over the city in search of a toilet without a sensor. It was amazing how long she was able to hold it, and she never had a problem with UTI or infection of any sort.

I wish you luck and patience. This, too, shall pass, although not quickly enough for you, I'm sure.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emilysmama* 
Wow! That too, would have scared me. This is more complicated than the automatic flush toilets.

Ask dd whether she would feel better if you flushed the toilet before she sat on the toilet to make sure that it is working properly.


This. Brilliant idea!

I understand though...I STILL cover my ears if I'm alone in a bathroom and I flush. It's so dang loud and unnerving.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

We've shown her over and over again that the toilet isn't broken but it doesn't help. At this point she is somewhat willing to go to the bathroom but she will not flush or be in the bathroom while we flush. She starts kindergarten in September so I am really hoping she will get over this fear before then. She is very intense so it's difficult to talk to her about this.


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

I would also flush the toilet for her if she is too sacred to do so herself.
Would she at least agree to go then? My other thought is to use a separate little kiddie potty that doesnt flush, until she gets over this fear, which she will. (((hugs)))) My youngest went thru a bit of flush anxiety when he was about 5 too.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
We've shown her over and over again that the toilet isn't broken but it doesn't help. At this point she is somewhat willing to go to the bathroom but she will not flush or be in the bathroom while we flush. She starts kindergarten in September so I am really hoping she will get over this fear before then. She is very intense so it's difficult to talk to her about this.

For an intense, anxious kid, this is pretty good progress. You know, she can go a long way without flushing! Heck my 6 year old often forgets to flush. If she's willing to go to the toilet, I'd let it go for a little bit.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

DD had this fear. For a time, I had to cover the sensor and wait til she left the bathroom stall to flush. She also wouldn't flush at home. She's slowly gotten used to the idea of "flush and run" which works for her. It also means the door is unlocked and open before she flushes, which would prevent the kind of thing your DD experienced.

A big hit here is also the fact that if you a) keep post its to put over the sensor; or b) wet a piece of paper towel (or c) a wad of toilet paper will also work, but it takes more tp) and stick it over the sensor; that will prevent the sensor from flushing until you remove it.

DD thinks it's a bit fun now to see if she can make it to the sink before the sensor kicks in and flushes.


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