# Teen daughter and negative husband



## yeti5252 (Oct 9, 2017)

I wasn't sure where to post this so hopefully this is the right board. My daughter is 16 and is a very negative person. I know all teen girls (well most) go through the phase of not liking their mothers, but this is extreme. Her father and I have not had the best marriage in the last few years and he is a very negative person. I can now see it rubbing off on her as well. He constantly is complaining about anything and sighing that everyone in the world is against him. Well, daughter is the same way. she wants to argue and yell and fight and hates me. She doesn't even want to include me in conversations at this point and would rather go to her friends house. again, some of this normal teenage stuff, but the way she screams and carries on. she will ruin any holiday or event and is never in a good mood...just like her father. I don't know if him and I staying together and not being happy is worse for them than actually splitting at this point and I'm not sure where to go from her. Daughter tried counseling a few years back..but didn't speak to the counselor, refused to go and husband basically agreed with her telling her the whole time it was a waste and she shouldn't be going. Any advice?


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## Neera (Jul 15, 2007)

:frown:


It seems like a hard situation. A teen daughter and over negativity. I don't have a teen daughter, but know the frustration of when dh and I are not getting along and it is spilling over on to our dd. It's a shame that children get dragged into fights. 


Sorry, I'm not much help and hope you'll get advice from someone who's been in a situation like yours. :Hug


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## IsaFrench (Mar 22, 2008)

i cannot give much advice .... but i fully sympathise ... my eldest one goes through phases when she is very negative too ... basically, i cannot even finish a sentence that she's already expressing negativity .... we also have a complicated family life which i suppose does not help either .... i was "reacting hurt" at first ... which only led to an escalation of the negative process ... It IS very hard to try to take a step back and not fuel the situation .... am trying, not always succeeding ... i don't have a recipe, i just try to use whatever inner ressource/inspiration i may get on the moment it happens ... and i have seen a little improvement already, not on the fact that she doesn't do it anymore unfortunately, but in the "in between" episodes, there are times too when she can "act normal" ... it is sad that these "normal times" are not more frequent, i suppose adolescents brains sort of have some malfunctions some sort of short circuit episodes ... it IS what baffles me a lot ... she doesn't seem to be in the same rational world that i'm in when she gets rude and negative, ...


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## Neera (Jul 15, 2007)

IsaFrench said:


> i cannot give much advice .... but i fully sympathise ... my eldest one goes through phases when she is very negative too ... basically, i cannot even finish a sentence that she's already expressing negativity .... we also have a complicated family life which i suppose does not help either .... i was "reacting hurt" at first ... which only led to an escalation of the negative process ... It IS very hard to try to take a step back and not fuel the situation .... am trying, not always succeeding ... i don't have a recipe, i just try to use whatever inner ressource/inspiration i may get on the moment it happens ... and i have seen a little improvement already, not on the fact that she doesn't do it anymore unfortunately, but in the "in between" episodes, there are times too when she can "act normal" ... it is sad that these "normal times" are not more frequent, i suppose adolescents brains sort of have some malfunctions some sort of short circuit episodes ... it IS what baffles me a lot ... she doesn't seem to be in the same rational world that i'm in when she gets rude and negative, ...


Yep, it's the hormones.


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## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

Neera said:


> Yep, it's the hormones.


I realize this is probably shorthand for "It's part and parcel of the emotional, intellectual, physiological and social development that takes place during adolescence" but I just want to caution the original poster against ever talking about it in this way to a teen. To me it has the same kind of tone as "are you on your period or something?!" That would be a tactic that an unempathetic male partner might use when dismissing your feelings and behaviour as irrational and simply annoying. It is absolutely infuriating to be told that the crushing, gut-wrenching stuff you're going through and feeling deeply are nothing more than the result of fleeting fluctuations in biochemistry. Even if biochemistry is playing a role.

Miranda


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## minkleaf (Nov 7, 2009)

Sorry I don't have any advice, but I can empathize. That is one of the reasons I split with my girls' father. It was over a year ago, and my eldest is now 14. I can definitely see some of what he did rubbed off on her. She also wouldn't talk with a counselor. The best I can do is try to be patient, considerate, and not act the way I feared he might. To try to be a positive role model. I definitely didn't want to model the negative relationship that they were seeing when we were still together. 

If I'd known then what I know now, I would have split with him years ago. But I tried my hardest to make it last. As you are probably trying to make your marriage last. Weight all of your pros and cons, and try to figure out what You think is best for your family. Good luck.


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