# 3 year old never wants to leave the house!



## Maple Leaf Mama (Jul 2, 2004)

This is getting frustrating.
It seemed to start while she was going to her weekly play dropoff. That only lasted a few weeks before I took her out. She wasn't adjusting at all and would wake during the night crying that she didn't want to go to school, even though it was only 2 hours per week!
She had surgery a few weeks ago and they warned us that she might regress, but she is fine in every other respect-other than being very addicted to her binky.
Today was the second of a 2 week Xmas cooking class for kids. She cried for 1/2 hour before we even left the house b/c she wanted to stay home. (She never wants to leave and always says that she loves her house)

When we got there I hung onto her until she was ready to sit at the table and sat beside her (I was the only parent there, but that was OK with the teachers







)
She had SO much fun!
When we left She told me she had fun and I said "see what happens when you try new things? YOU HAVE FUN!" I asked her if all the crying was really necessary and she said no.
But when we got home, I asked her if we should sign up for more cooking classes and she said NO.

My friend's 4 year old had a spell of this recently when she and her DH dragged him to a Wiggles concert.
The frustrating part is they have fun once they're there.
UUUGH.
Is this a common stage for preschoolers??
I'm at my wits end!


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

According to Ames and Ilg (in the book Your Three-year-old) this is extremely common. 3-year-olds don't like transitions and leaving the house is a major transition.

Something that worked really well with my DS is letting him take something from home with us when we went out. My car became a receptacle for household items, but otherwise it has worked well.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

are you there with her? or do u leave her there?

i have a 4 year old who doesnt like separating from me. she goes to a ps/dc because i work ft. well for the past 2 years seh has been telling me she doesnt want to go. so we have had our talk. she was 2 when she started. later when seh was a little older she explained htat even though she enjoyed herself and accepted that she had to go but she was still sad. she wanted to be there with her and she always wants me. so i got the idea that she does have fun but the underlying sadness is still there. even today at 4 she still cried/feels sad at drop off but once i leave she gets into her activities.

but she has made it v. clear she does it because she has no other choice. its only now at well over 4 does she sometimes say she really enjoys herself at circle time. BUT given a choice she doesnt want to go.


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## NaturalMamma (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maple Leaf Mama* 
It seemed to start while she was going to her weekly play dropoff. That only lasted a few weeks before I took her out. She wasn't adjusting at all and would wake during the night crying that she didn't want to go to school, even though it was only 2 hours per week!

Sounds like you are not there and so I would say that is your answer. She does not want you to leave her. She loves you and wants to be with you. I realize it's frustrating...you probably want a break...we've all been there.







: Don't let it bother you if there are other kids who appear to do so well without mom around.

I would truly *not* push her. You may eventualy get "compliance" if you do push her, but I would almost guarantee it would be at a price. Her need to be with you would manifest itself in some other area. This may not be the advice you want to hear but just try to enjoy the bond your DD has w/you and just be together. She's still very young and it all goes by so fast. Cherish it.









When I contemplate any parenting regrets I might have, I can tell you that these are the things I absolutely *don't* regret: staying w/my DD when she asked me to, picking her up when she asked me to; letting her self-wean; having her sleep in our bed; not getting a babysitter before DD was ready, etc.

Parents are often so fearful of creating a clingy/needy child who will grow into a needy adult. Let me reassure you that does not come from nurturing a 3yo.


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

NaturalMama--Thank you for that great post!
It really helped to hear your list of what you don't regret. My dd just, just turned four and in two weeks she's doing a winter camp. I've tried leaving her before and it causes so much anxiety. I'm going to stay this time (there's a place for parents to stay and sit) and your post helped me be even more confident with my decision.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

My DD at that age didn't like going out either-- WITH me.

It sounds like your DD doesn't want to be left alone. I agree with NaturalMama, that it should not be forced if at all possible. This attachment to you is normal and healthy-- it shows she is not one to just transfer her affections to anyone. In _Hold Onto Your Kids_ the author discusses how ALL children (and adults!) need someone to hold onto. If you aren't there, then there needs to be SOMEONE for her, and he recommends that it isn't another child.

By the age of 4, my DD was ready to go out, and even ready for time on her own for a few hours a week (her teachers were great people to "hold onto"). Your will too-- it seems like it will never happen but it does, all too soon.


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