# I'm afraid to ask this question...



## Laggie (Nov 2, 2005)

but I'm dying to know from women who have had kids...

DH is, well, not exactly what you'd call well endowed. Which is not at all a problem for me, our sex life is great. But I wonder if that would change if I gave birth. Then I think that maybe if that's my biggest worry then I shouldn't be thinking about having a kid anyway.

But is it even true? Or a myth? Will my vagina be different?

I am SO blushing as I type this. I can't ask anyone IRL because I really don't want to have a discussion about the size of DH's penis.


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## dancingmama (Dec 18, 2001)

Awww, wouldn't worry. Everything pretty much "sprang back" to normal for me.


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## Dmitrizmom (Nov 11, 2002)

It took a while, but things went back to normal fairly quickly for me. Just Kegel kegel kegel.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

I have noticed a change in my vulva, not vagina.
I have scar tissue now from a tear, and it's a bit sensitive at times. Other than that, there is not much difference in our sex life.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

my vagina went back to normal ASAP.
My belly is what got all stretched out!


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

I'm thinking that things are actually _tighter_ now.. my kids are 7 yrs, 3.5 yrs and 3 months







:

why worry..?..


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

You'll be ok. Like a PP, I have a scar from an episiotomy & tear (hospital births and I do not mix!) and it can be sensitive occasionally, even though it's been 8 yrs, but other than that things are pretty much normal. After my most recent birth, though, I have had some minor issues w/ prolapsed organs. Not terribly bad, thankfully, but enough that it is slightly noticeable from time to time. The baby is 6 mos old.


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## OllieMama (Jun 5, 2007)

We didn't DTD again until probably 3 or 4 months PP. And I'll be honest, it was like losing my virginity all over again. Of course, I was kind of tense and terrified it would hurt, so that probably didn't help. (I had very minor tearing of the inner labia) But, I wouldn't worry about it. It's the same as it was before, muscle tone wise.


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## Kritto (Apr 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
I'm thinking that things are actually _tighter_ now..

Umm, that's what my DP said about my...y'know. And he's in a similar size class to your DP. Our DD is 17 mos. Things are super here!


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## lovesdaffodils (Jul 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OakBerry* 
I have noticed a change in my vulva, not vagina.
I have scar tissue now from a tear, and it's a bit sensitive at times. Other than that, there is not much difference in our sex life.









: Our vaginas are amazingly elastic!


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

My ex-husband, who is the father of my child is larger than the man I am with now. I am more satisfied with my sex life than ever before in my life. The body bounces back. Keep in mind that the most important sex organ in your body is between your ears.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I have to say I feel no difference from before and after and my dh is also not well endowed.

Like a pp said the first time after each kid it was like loosing my viginity all over again.

I just asked dh and he said there was a slight difference between tightness is just slight. He has no problem with it







The looks though now that is like night and day.







:


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## Think of Winter (Jun 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
my vagina went back to normal ASAP.
My belly is what got all stretched out!

Mmhmmm.


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

Yep. No complaints here


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## Kabes (May 17, 2004)

I wished my DH were smaller cause it really hurt after (all four times).


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## urchin_grey (Sep 26, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kabes* 
I wished my DH were smaller cause it really hurt after









:

I had a c/s with DS so no babies have passed through there yet - but my friend has had two vaginal births and she said her stuff was *tighter* afterwards.


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## sunnymw (Feb 28, 2007)

<---also wishes her DH was a little smaller!!

DH says I was noticably tighter after having a baby.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
my vagina went back to normal ASAP.
My belly is what got all stretched out!

Yep. And somehow my butt never went back to normal.









I didn't notice any difference before or after (or after or after or after - four kids, you know!)


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## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

I do feel 'looser'. A change in position helps though so we just have a new favorite position...









The thing about it hurting, etc. is a different issue for me. It took about a year to be totally comfortable while having sex again.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

I feel a smidge looser side-to-side (not all around or front to back, just side-to-side, and that's lessened over the months), but sex is just fine.

I wish guys would figure out that bigger is not always better!


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## triplembride (Jun 15, 2007)

funny dh and i were just talking about this and we agree its tighter than before...at least it feels that way....especially at first, ouch!


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## scoobers (Jun 24, 2005)

Well, my yoni was completely wrecked. I had a 4th degree laceration (no episiotomy) and had to have reconstructive surgery 6 months later. We had sex probably 5-6 times in the first 3 years after DS's birth and it was EXCRUTIATING but the worst problem was DH lost interest, probably due to the PTSD from the birth. It's tighter now but mine is tighter because they had to cut everything back open and sew me back up. Things are definitely not the same.







DS is now 5 and sex no longer hurts but we rarely have it although at least now it's maybe every week or two vs. 2-3 x per year.

I have a friend who has had three and she makes jokes about being able to stuff a watermelon up there so, yeah, it definitely loosens things up at least for some women.

Sorry to be a downer but I wish someone would have told me this could happen.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnymw* 

DH says I was noticably tighter after having a baby.

Yeah same here. It is weird.


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## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scoobers* 
I have a friend who has had three and she makes jokes about being able to stuff a watermelon up there so, yeah, it definitely loosens things up at least for some women.

*Sorry to be a downer but I wish someone would have told me this could happen.*


Yes, I agree. I kegeled like I was training for the Olympics and it did doodly squat. I still have some slight stress incontinence problems as well and DS just turned 2.
I guess I didn't think enough happy thoughts... !?
It sometimes feels like if you admit to stuff like that you are ticking off the other natural mamas or something. Like if you do all the exercises and think only happy thoughts then only good things will happen to you.
If something less desirable happens then it must be our fault for some reason.
But I think it's totally normal for stuff to happen that we would consider less desirable and nature wouldn't consider it a problem.
Let's face it: someting really big went through a fairly small opening. Why wouldn't it stretch out?!


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## sapientia (Apr 22, 2007)

All is well here and I've had 5 vaginally.


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## MyBoysBlue (Apr 27, 2007)

I don't know if I am looser. It's not noticeable anyway. What I found is that now after my second son was born I am wetter. Which can cause DH to not feel as much, so we get to switch up positions a lot.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBinSATX* 
Let's face it: someting really big went through a fairly small opening. Why wouldn't it stretch out?!

Sure, it might stretch out. Or it might get tighter. Or it might change shape. Or it might stay the same. There are women on this thread to whom each of those have happened. The point is we never know ahead of time, there are things we can do to influence the _odds_ of any particular outcome occurring, and to say that one's genitals will *definitely* be adversely affected by pregnancy and birth is as mistaken as saying that one can *definitely* avoid any problems by kegeling regularly.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kabes* 
I wished my DH were smaller cause it really hurt after (all four times).

Ditto that! My DH is HUGE for me personally (not bragging by any means trust me!) and I felt a lot tighter after it was all over and it HURT for a while but now everything is back to normal.


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## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 
Sure, it might stretch out. Or it might get tighter. Or it might change shape. Or it might stay the same. There are women on this thread to whom each of those have happened. The point is we never know ahead of time, there are things we can do to influence the _odds_ of any particular outcome occurring, and to say that one's genitals will *definitely* be adversely affected by pregnancy and birth is as mistaken as saying that one can *definitely* avoid any problems by kegeling regularly.

I wasn't trying to say that it definitely has a negative effect on everybody but I wanted to be fair to the original poster and let her know that it can happen. It's not entirely out of the ordinary that it would happen. It shouldn't be a tabou to let people know that it does happen.
And I also wanted to be supportive to other people that did find things are looser now and let them know that not everybody thinks it's their fault for failing somehow, not putting enough effort into exercising or whatever , etc.


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## scoobers (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBinSATX* 
It shouldn't be a tabou to let people know that it does happen.
And I also wanted to be supportive to other people that did find things are looser now and let them know that not everybody thinks it's their fault for failing somehow, not putting enough effort into exercising or whatever , etc.











I too kegeled like there was no tomorrow and was SUPER fit prior to pregnancy (had just completed a marathon a few months before) running tons of miles, etc. I still have stress incontinence and I guess I'll have it for the rest of my life. I'm sure we're not the only ones but it sometimes seems like it's not PC to talk about any negatives from a V birth.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I don't think it is not pc to talk about it. I see these things talked about a lot. I think people are taking issue with generalization or implications that x will happen.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
I don't think it is not pc to talk about it. I see these things talked about a lot. I think people are taking issue with generalization or implications that x will happen.

Yup. That plus things like stress incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse can happen with non-vaginal birth -- just being pregnant changes the pelvic floor.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Well, I kegeled until the fat lady sang about cows coming home under a blue moon.







And still nothing.

Seeing a phys. therapist helped. I had urinary incontinence, and the PT helped tighten things up like nothing else.

Most importantly, I learned that I was doing all of those kegels the wrong way! If you're doing it correctly, your entire core is engaged, and you can feel the muscles by your hip bones tightening up. My PT encouraged quality of kegels over quantity. Ten right ones get you a lot further than 100 wrong ones.


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## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
I don't think it is not pc to talk about it. I see these things talked about a lot. I think people are taking issue with generalization or implications that x will happen.

Okay wouldn't that go both ways though? Giving birth does not make everybody's vagina tighter.
Kegels are not the answer to everything for everybody.

I was pregant for 9 months and did not have stress incontinence. After 4 hours of pushing I have it. It's not totally crazy to think that birth rather than pregancy had something to do with it. Why do I only get to trust my intuition and body if it fits with your view of the world?
Suddenly when it's against of what somebody else would like it to be like then I am supposed to be clueless about my body.

And that's what I mean with usually not even wanting to mention stuff like that because somebody always thinks it's okay to patronize women that have come away from birth with some negative consequences.

To me that's just as offensive as the *** we get from the OBs and medical establishment about not being able to to trust ourselves with birth.
Only from the other side -kick in the rear from my own team so to speak.

I loved my last vaginal (homebirth) and am looking forward to the next one in September but I want to be able to share my experiences just like other people get to share theirs.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Yeah it does go both way and I agree with everything you posted, so I don't know what the problem is.

All I said was that the issue was with generalizations or saying that x will definitely happen.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBinSATX* 
Yes, I agree. I kegeled like I was training for the Olympics and it did doodly squat. I still have some slight stress incontinence problems as well and DS just turned 2.

I've had some stress incontinence over the last few months, and I've never pushed a baby out at all. Aaron was taken by c-section, and never even really made it into my vagina. (If I was following what the OB at the hospital said - which I may not have been at that point - his head was just starting to enter the top - she could feel his head at my cervix...I think.)

Pregnancy itself can put a lot of stress on the pelvic floor muscles, although I do think that things will clear up for me (I hope).

The effects of pregnancy and childbirth are going to vary so wildly from woman to woman that I think all we can really do is look at what _might_ happen, so we're at least intellectually prepared...and then go for it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBinSATX* 
I was pregant for 9 months and did not have stress incontinence. After 4 hours of pushing I have it. It's not totally crazy to think that birth rather than pregancy had something to do with it.

No, but it doesn't necessarily mean it _was_ the birth, either. I've never pushed. I've never had any hint of incontinence during pregnancy. After Aaron, I do have it, and he was taken by c-section.


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

Quote:

Seeing a phys. therapist helped. I had urinary incontinence, and the PT helped tighten things up like nothing else.
The things I learn on MDC







I never knew that there were PTs that specialized in this particular issue until I started visiting here!


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tiger Lily* 
The things I learn on MDC







I never knew that there were PTs that specialized in this particular issue until I started visiting here!

I just a couple days ago found out that 1) they exist and 2) there's one in my area!


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## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

Do your kegels! But even if you don't, things should go back to normal down there


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## MKury (May 14, 2007)

OP, you, your dh and your sex life will be fine. Like pps said, remember to kegel as much as possible and do them correctly. And be really thankful that your dh does not have an over endowment- my dh is perfect, but it was rough for the first 6 months post partum. And never be afraid to ask anything on MDC...


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## EBeth0000 (Aug 19, 2007)

I had a 2nd degree tear and I swear they stitched me up smaller than I was--we have the opposite problem. So I actually was kinda grumpy about that this whole past year, and we've had to do things differently to get our sex life back to a place we both enjoy it.

No matter what happens during your birth, your sex life will be different after the baby anyway--just give yourself time to figure it out together and maybe try some new things to work with it. I always hate that people in our culture seem anti-vaginal birth as a way to preserve their sex lives when the women I've talked to (and the men) don't seem to think that there's a huge epidemic of loose vaginas after kids! Sorry for the crudeness of that, but doesn't it seem like that's what's implied when women (and men) talk about how giving birth "ruins you down there"? It drives me bonkers!


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## Miss Chris (May 7, 2007)

I also don't really notice a change vaginally (it's the boobs that moved for me







)

But I did notice that sex overall got better for me after the baby was born. My orgasms are easier and stronger, I talked to a friend of mine who has had 3 kids and she said the same thing. I don't know if its from a new degree of trust between me and my sweetie or if it has to do with physical changes but I'm not complaining, that's for sure!

I have had brief instances of leaking a little pee but what I find happens more often is I have more noticeable cm, I guess maybe the vaginal opening is more open now so when I'm on my fertile days it can get pretty humid down there (I know, I know TMI) so there have been occasions when I thought "dangit! I peed" and when I checked it was actually a lot of creamy or eggwhite cm.

Things change after baby, some things you'll like a lot, some not so much, but usually it turns out ok. You can't stress about it in advance because, as others have pointed out there is a huge range of experiences and you won't know how it will be for you until afterward.

I also get very annoyed by the societal tendency to make nudging comments about how babies will "ruin" or "destroy" the vagina. Vaginas are designed for birthing, that is part of their job.

A vagina is not that different from an anus, except that it is stronger and more amazing. No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy. Having a baby is just as natural as pooping and the result is so much better









Good luck
Miss Chris
mama to maggie (3/1/06)


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Miss Chris* 
No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy. Having a baby is just as natural as pooping and the result is so much better









I nearly peed my pants after reading that! Off to do more exercises I guess...


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## Laggie (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Miss Chris* 
No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy.

Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.









But what I'm getting from this thread is, it could go either way. You just never know.


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## jwpsgurl (Apr 28, 2007)

I wouldn't worry, do tons of kegels, and then do some more!!!


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## luckysam (Jan 12, 2008)

There is anything wrong with wondering about this. It's a good question to think and ask about, and an understandable concern that you don't want to lose your great sex life! After four babies, with the third one being an induction, I kind of had a ..um..vaginal blowout!..It doesn't look the same, and the opening seems so much bigger, with the top of it being prolapsed and visible. Despite all of that, our sex life is great! I guess things are tighter in there than they seem!















The first time after our last baby was "roomy", though it was only about 3-4 weeks pp. Within the second month I was fine. Even the first time though it was more about me and my fears then him and the actual experience. Big hugs mama! I think things will be great!


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

took a while to come back for me, not just kegels but my lower abdominals had to get tight as well... my body isn't a spring back sort of body but over time.....


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## Catherine12 (May 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frontierpsych* 
my vagina went back to normal ASAP.
My belly is what got all stretched out!









:


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Laggie* 
Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.









But what I'm getting from this thread is, it could go either way. You just never know.

You may have, and just didn't know it. Time for TMI story... my first pregnancy, I remember a particular episode of gastric distress about 6 mo or so. Horrible stomach pains, horrible pooping, an entire day of misery. I remember thinking at the time "what a wuss I am! If I can't even handle this without whining and crying and wanting to die from the pain, how am I going to have this baby?" Well, labor came and it was nowhere near as bad as that day had been. You never know, so true.


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## NatureMama3 (Feb 25, 2004)

I have never noticed a change and when I asked DH he said he's never noticed a change..









and our sex life is better than ever IMO!


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## NatureMama3 (Feb 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Laggie* 
Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.









WORD!







:







(never had to call an ambulance for a poop before)


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 
Seeing a phys. therapist helped. I had urinary incontinence, and the PT helped tighten things up like nothing else.

After my 2nd was born, my pelvic floor was sooooo saggy and I was horrified by it. I sought help from a physical therapist (recommended to me by my CNM) and learned how to kegel properly...

...and I also learned that my core body strength was very weak, and so my pelvic floor looked weak, when in fact, my pelvic floor was the only muscle group keeping me upright and standing!

My "crotch" PT referred me to her coworker PT who helped me re-learn how to use my glutes, my hamstrings, my abdominal muscles, back muscles, and all the rest.

Once those muscle groups were working, magically, my pelvic floor was not sagging anymore.


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## Xenopus (Nov 23, 2006)

I have heard that after epi's especially in the 60's and 70's, docs liked to suture up women even tighter than they had been when they came in, it was called the "Happy Husband." ick.

My MD (female) did a good job with those two stitches I had (from a natural tear), everything went right back to normal as far as DH and I's love life is concerned.

The real problem was getting the energy up to make love! But that is a whole other thread.









-Xen


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