# Having a natural miscarriage and looking for help



## adopted0105 (Sep 28, 2010)

Hello all,

I'm writing in hopes that someone out there might be able to offer some guidance. This might be lengthy and is somewhat graphic, so I understand if some won't have the time to read it. But if anyone has experienced a natural miscarriage, I would greatly appreciate some feedback because I'm still very scared and hurt. I'm a childbirth educator and a doula, but when I found out last week that we had lost our second baby, I have found myself woefully unprepared for the events to follow.

Last Tuesday, I was 8.5 weeks pregnant with our second child and woke up that morning with some very light spotting. Even acknowledging that spotting can sometimes be completely normal during pregnancy, for some reason, I knew right away that our baby was gone. I went to my OB that morning, and an ultrasound confirmed that our baby had ceased developing at some point and was measuring only 5.5 weeks with no heartbeat and only the sac and fetal pole present. My OB told me that she wanted to do another scan to confirm a week later but that she felt pretty sure that I had miscarried. I knew beyond a doubt that I had. We went home to grieve, and my husband took off work the rest of the week. We decided to travel 7 hours to our home town to be with our families the next day and have been here ever since. Up until last night, I've just been waiting on a natural miscarriage, thinking that it would probably take a lot more time. I had loose bowels for several days with a tiny bit of spotting, but nothing aside from that.

Well, last night, I began cramping pretty badly and bleeding heavily. The bleeding quickly increased, and I began passing clots. I was completely shocked at the amount of blood and the 4-6 fist sized clots that I passed over the course of a few hours. We seriously considered going to the ER for a while. But after about 3-4 hours, things began to taper off, and I've had the whole night and morning with few symptoms. I've had loose bowels, some cramping, and bleeding this morning, but no more clots since then. Even so, I feel as though I'm not finished. To be honest, I can't say exactly why. Yes, I'm having cramps and bleeding, but it's really more of a feeling that there is more to come. And really, the main thing that keeps me thinking that it's not done is that I never passed anything that looked like a developing baby. When I first found out, I didn't expect to know when I passed the baby. But since reading/hearing other women's miscarriage stories from around the same time in their pregnancies, I've been surprised to see that many of them were very able to distinguish their babies from the clots, even early on. And that has haunted me ever since because I just keep thinking, "What if I flush my baby and don't even realize it? How will I know?" For some reason, that thought just sickens and terrifies me because regardless of what my doctor and others say about it being "tissue" or "like a heavy period," for me, I know that this is essentially giving birth to my baby who is just coming far too soon. So the thought of not knowing when the baby comes is so troubling to me, and I believe that it will haunt me if I don't know when it happens.

I realize I've shared a lot, but I guess I'd just like to know if any other moms who've gone through this experienced similar things. If you've had a natural miscarriage, when was it in your pregnancy, and did you know when the baby passed? How did you know that it was over? How long did it take from the time that things really started? I just can't stand this feeling of not knowing if I'm done and expecting more horrible things to come. This is so much harder than I could have ever imagined, and to any moms who have experienced or are experiencing this loss, I'm so very sorry and weep with you. Thank you to anyone who reads this and is able to offer any support.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Big hugs. <3

I had a miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks and didn't pass anything that looked like a baby. It was just clots and tissue and basically was like a really heavy period. I think (I am not an expert) that if your baby stopped developing at 5 1/2 weeks then you may not pass anything that you can identify as a baby.

I'm sorry you are in pain. Believe me, I understand. I hope you can find some solace soon. <3


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I am sure I either flushed mine or the d&c got it. My baby is in my heart not vacant dna. A 5 week sac is pretty small. I'm concerned you're only passing blood clots and not other supporting tissue (placenta, etc) that stuff for me was pinkish not redish. I'd say it is possible to have passed and flushed if you weren't fishing and combing through. I had my misoprostol at I think 9-10 weeks and I fished through everything..
But the placenta was big as a deck of cards and very different from blood clots


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## taichimom (Jul 5, 2013)

I just wanted to send you big hugs, because I started bleeding last Tuesday too (was 9.5 weeks) and since lost the pregnancy. I have m/c'd and given birth before, so I thought I could handle it alone, but I had no clue what I was in for.

If it helps, clots are more slimy and viscous, "tissue" tends to be more solid and greyish and purpleish. Placenta looks like chunks of liver I found this site helpful (warning- not for the faint of heart) http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/photographs.html. But I never saw anything that I could say, "yes that is my baby"

When I miscarried at 5.5 weeks, I spotted and cramped for a day. I know when it passed- it was the sac, placenta and embryo all in one grape-sized plop.Then the bleeding and cramping stopped. I flushed, not thinking, and it has haunted me for a decade.

I wrongly expected the same experience this time. I was shocked about the amount of blood and the size of the clots. I am not squeamish but wanted to pass out. It was just horrifying. I don't know if I passed the embryo or flushed it- after the nth time of passing clots on the toilet in the wee hours of the morning, I stopped fishing things out to examine them.

On Thursday, I went to the doctor and he pulled anything that was in my cervix out and gave me the "products of conception" to take home to bury. I looked at it but couldn't tell if it was just pieces of placenta or an embryo. I must admit I didn't examine them but so closely. I have since passed a few more chunks of placenta and have pretty much stopped bleeding.

The other possibility- I never had an ultrasound. It is possible that I had a blighted ovum and there was no embryo.

Part of me lives in fear that the embryo is still in there and has yet to pass. I get scared when I feel cramps and I'm out and about. If this makes sense, I feel I can't have the emotional breakdown until the physical is all over. I will know it is over when my HCG count is down to 0.

So hang in there- and hopefully we will both through this ordeal soon.

(((HUGS)))


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## taichimom (Jul 5, 2013)

And "heavy period" my eye! If my periods were anything like this I would have had a hysterectomy a long time ago.


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## taichimom (Jul 5, 2013)

Sorry- I realized I may have sounded a bit harsh. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings with my last comment. With my first m/c my doctor told me it would just be a heavy period. I wanted to tell him to go screw himself. You don't mourn the loss of a child, of your hopes for a family when you have a heavy period. And even with that early m/c never passed anything like that during my heaviest of periods.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Amen Taichi I have heard that said too and it bugged me no my mc was no where near a "heavy period"...


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## JollyGG (Oct 1, 2008)

My miscarriage was around 8 weeks and HCG levels were those of a 6 week pregnancy. I never had an ultrasound to determine anything such as actual gestational age. I didn't pass anything that looked like a baby or tissue. I was also quite taken by surprise over how much it hurt. I expect cramping like when you get your period, not cramping like when I was in labor with my oldest. All I remember seeing were bright red blood and clots, eventually the clots become less common and the blood turned pinkish then eventually ceased. I did look to see if I could recognize anything else, but I really couldn't.


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## adopted0105 (Sep 28, 2010)

Thank you all for your responses. I'm fairly certain that I passed the baby today. I actually went to see a doctor because I need a rhogam shot, and an ultrasound confirmed that there was still a good bit of tissue left (shocking when I think of how much came out of me) and that my cervix was still open. So the doc has recommended a d&c to complete it, and I will be going in the morning.
I'm thinking the exam and ultrasound must have shifted some things because on the 25 minute drive home, I was having serious labor-like contractions. As soon as I walked in the door, I felt something coming out, and I was able to catch it in some toilet paper. It was completely different from the other clots that I've passed. Although it was a good bit smaller (maybe the size of two grapes), it was clearly different--solid, purple grayish, and sac-like. I'm thinking it must have been most of the solid matter that was left and that my baby must be in there. I thought of taking it to the doc in the morning to confirm, but thinking of it more, it doesn't really matter. It was part of what would have been or nurtured my sweet baby, and I will give it a burial since I'm able to do so.
I'm so scared of the d&c, but ready to move on to this next stage of the process and get some closure.
Taichimom, I'm so sorry that you are going through this terrible thing. But it's somewhat comforting to know that we moms can grieve together and support each other. I will pray that your physical ordeal is completely done soon and that you are able to move on in your grief and healing. Hugs to you and you all and our sweet babies!


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

My d&c was "antiseptic" compared to passing most of it like what happened to you. I went in, cried every minute before going under (why isn't this hellride over) was out for less than 10 minutes, in recovery with dp right after and out for dinner once I was steady. The D&C made the mc physically over for me, my hormones returned to normal rapidly and the bleeding was really "minimal". Emotionally I cried at work at my desk for months even after my rainbow. I'm 31 weeks now, I'm still a bit depressed. I still struggle. I'm glad I know this is okay.


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