# At what age is it safe to leave the child unattended in the bathtub?



## Maxine45 (Oct 29, 2005)

My DH is in charge of bathing DS each night.
More and more I notice him leaving the baby in the bathtub to go run quick errands in other parts of the house.
I don't think it's safe, but he obviously does.
Is there any guideline about what age it's safe to leave a child unattended in the bathtub??


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## delphiniumpansy (Mar 1, 2007)

When my older dd was about 3, we stopped being in the bathroom with her. Now that she is almost 5, we still linger nearby and talk to her occasionally to make sure she is ok. I am 41 and I like my dh to check on me occasionally, too.


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## TeaghansMama (Jul 1, 2005)

i think it depends on the child like most things. my dd1 is 3 just over 3 and i am comfortable leaving her alone in the bath as long as i am on the same floor. i make sure we keep talking or i can hear her singing, talking, playing, etc.....


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

I don't remember exactly when we started leaving dd for short periods in the bath, but I think it was around her third birthday.

How old is your toddler? If you think it's unsafe, then I think it's a good idea to talk to your dh seriously about it. Babies and kids can drown really quickly and really quietly.


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## Maxine45 (Oct 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riversong* 
I don't remember exactly when we started leaving dd for short periods in the bath, but I think it was around her third birthday.

How old is your toddler? If you think it's unsafe, then I think it's a good idea to talk to your dh seriously about it. Babies and kids can drown really quickly and really quietly.

Oh that last sentence is heartbreaking.

The baby is 19 months.


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## Momily (Feb 15, 2007)

My 6 year old slipped in the bathtub while I was in the next room, and fell hard enough to break a tooth. He tried to get up on his knees to wash his butt. I didn't hear him fall or hit, although I did hear him start crying. If he had hit his head instead of his mouth and lost consciousness I wouldn't have heard a sound. I'm very grateful he was OK.

I'd say 6 or 7 at the very youngest. In my opinion leaving a child under 3 or 4is incredibly dangerous.


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

I know. It is heartbreaking. I remember hearing that when kids drown people don't hear a splash like they think they would. I also remember dd's swim instructor saying that a one-year-old can hold his/her breath under water for about 4 seconds.

I think 19 months is too young. I wish I had a link to something for your dh to read. You might be able to find something if you search around.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maxine45* 
Oh that last sentence is heartbreaking.

The baby is 19 months.

Whatever you have to do to get DH to take that seriously, do it. Have him read this thread. Google for stories of toddlers drowning in inches of water. Whatever it takes.

I do pop out of the bathroom to grab a towel or that sort of thing, but I my 2 year old is never alone in the bath for more than, oh ,say, 15 seconds.


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## hipmummy (May 25, 2007)

Never ever leave any child alone in the bath tub, if they are young enought to take a bath, then they should not be left alone. Adults even can get hurt when no one is around. Much too dangerous. Ds does not take baths (only showers with me) , but when I was a nanny I never left a child alone in a bath tub and I even stayed in the bathroom when the showered if they were under 8.

If time is an issue than shortenthe bath time rather than leave your dc unattended.


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## Fyrestorm (Feb 14, 2006)

DD will be 4 in March...I won't even leave her to get a towel out of the linen closet 2 feet out the bathroom door.

There was a mama here a few months back who almost lost her 2 year old when she went to grab the phone...it can happen in a second.


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## RockStarMom (Sep 11, 2005)

I'd say around 3.
My 2 year old slipped and smacked her chin on the edge a couple of weeks ago, and I was RIGHT THERE, in the tub with her. Things happen so fast.
I think 19 months is way, way, WAY too young, even for a second.


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Our three oldest bathe together, so the youngest in the tub is 25 months (and he sits in his booster seat because he hates the feeling of the bathtub). I wouldn't even turn my back on them personally, let alone actually leave the room.
Our eldest is very responsible, nurturing and reasonably cautious with his brothers, but I still wouldn't leave them. I have forgotten towels before, and I just apologise when they're done and have to stand freezing on the bathmat while I go get them (I let the water out before they're actually out, and by the time they're all on the mat, it's gone- sometimes I spray them down before they get out too). Anyway, they mostly have had showers more regularly for messes than actual baths (and the baths ended when we had tailings come out of our faucet...







)

I would NEVER leave a 19 month old. I actually felt a bit of that sick feeling I get when I am about to cry about something really terrible happening to a child when I read that







. Sorry. Please talk to your dh.

By the way, over about 3 yrs, I don't think that the age matters as much as what you know about your child and the set-up of your bathroom, and whatever other factors you would consider. Some children are very cautious and compliant and wouldn't do anything that wasn't explicitly allowed and so leaving for a minute wouldn't necessarily be dangerous for them; I suspect those are few and far between, or I just haven't met many (perhaps they run when they see our brood comin'







).

I wouldn't leave someone else's child at that age; sometimes that's the measure I use when I can't decide if something is safe or not for our dc- it helps me to gain perspective and to remember that people are dynamic and sometimes (heehee) behave in unpredictable ways.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Really young kid: likely to slip and have head under the water.
Slightly older kid: likely to mess with the hot water tap and scald themselves even with the water heater turned down.

Leave them alone in the bathtub when they say "sheesh mom, a little privacy!"


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## crazyrunningmama (Dec 16, 2006)

My dd is 20 1/2 months and we are always within arms reach and we help her in and out of the tub. She is sooooo likely to do something silly like try to stand up and jump around, turn on the hot water, lie face down and get confused and inhale. If you can't get your dh to take you seriously, take this job over if you have to mama.


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## griffin2004 (Sep 25, 2003)

I don't know what the right age is, but 19 months strikes me as WAY too young. It only takes a couple of seconds...


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

I think it depends on the kid, but no way I would do it at 19 months. I have two two-year olds, who are 11 months apart in age. I feel comfortable leaving them in the tub for a 15 second run *to the room right next* to the bathroom to grab a towel or whatever, but only if I can hear them the ENTIRE time. If EVEN FOR A SECOND they stop making noise (which my kids rarely do...we call ourselves "the loud family"), I freak out and run back in. With my ds, who is almost three, I do let it stretch sometimes to a 20-30 second trip-- even when he was a couple months younger I did-- but again, I stay on the same level and I listen intently and if he is quiet even for a second I run back to get him. With my dfd, I don't think I'd be comfortable with 20-30 seconds even when she is ds' age. With her, 5-10 seconds is really the max. She's just a different kid...far less spatial awarenesss, much more clumsy, far less cautious, and with a tendency to do things I've told her not to.

I have "trained" my ds, and am trying to "train" my dfd, that when I call out their names and say, "say 'here I am'" they reply with "Here I am mama" and if I call out, "are you okay?" they reply "okay." We had to do this because my ds has special needs that can cause us to lose him in an instant. It seems that this has good applicability as I am making that mad dash back to the bathroom when I haven't heard him for ONE second.


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## fireshifter (Sep 2, 2005)

Definitely depends on age. DS is 2 next week and he talks non-stop in the bathtub, singing, yelling and telling us about his toys. We have left him for up to 15 seconds or so, but can hear him talking the whole time AND the bathtub is right off the rest of the main part of the house so we can see him from the dining room and the kitchen and the living room. He has no, no, no ambition to get up out of the tub ever and we have to practically drag him out so the problem of him trying to stand up is not something we have encountered.

Jen D.


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## mamamille (Nov 30, 2006)

when I was a nanny I would run fast like the wind to grab something with children over 4 but I would have them sing at the top of their lungs while they were out of sight... I don't think that I will leave my dd til 6 at least. Even if I don't want to "relate"per se I will bring a book or mag and sit in the doorway so they can feel alone but not be alone.... ykwim? I agree with the other pp... drownings can happen in a split second (I have watched my dd just slip right under) and I think your dc (like mine) is way to young unless you really can do it under 5 seconds! I also like my dd to have some water in there and not just a covering of the bath tub....


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## rootzdawta (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Really young kid: likely to slip and have head under the water.
Slightly older kid: likely to mess with the hot water tap and scald themselves even with the water heater turned down.

Leave them alone in the bathtub when they say "sheesh mom, a little privacy!"










LoL . . . I agree . . . even then keep an ear out.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I agree 19 months is too young to leave alone.


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## angie7 (Apr 23, 2007)

19 months??? I wouldnt even THINK about it. That is way too young to leave a baby alone. I wouldnt consider it before 3 y/o.


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## Erin+babyAndrew (Jan 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maxine45* 
Oh that last sentence is heartbreaking.

The baby is 19 months.

absolutely too young IMO. drowning is so scary because it happens silently.


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## sarbear (Mar 21, 2007)

My friend left her 3 year old daughter (who could swim, btw) in the tub alone for a few minutes while she went to grab a towel. The little girl had a seizure out of the blue (never had one before), and to make a long story short she almost died. Thankfully, she is alright now, but I always think of this whenever I am tempted to leave ds even for a minute in the tub- you just never know, and it's not worth taking the risk.


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## funkygranolamama (Aug 10, 2005)

my ds is 3 and always showers with one of us. i let him take a bath with 10 yo dd once alone and was nervous about it so we do showers only now.


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## Avena (May 27, 2005)

Wow! 19 months , omg!

I wouldn't allow my DH to ever leave my kiddos alone in the tub, no way! DD is almost 3 and when I ran out to get her a washcloth she almost slipped in the tub and that was it for me...I never will leave them alone ...my kiddos are 11 months & almost 3.... I suggest your DH and you swap bath time before your DC gets hurt.....


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## AppleCrisp (Aug 19, 2005)

I agree it depends on the age, but I think 19 months is too young. I think people sometimes think because something hasn't happened, it probably won't...me included.....and if there is even the tiniest shred of doubt, I wouldn't leave. Its an accident that is 99.9% preventable. The consequences are just too great.

I admit, its boring for me to sit there, but I either take in a book, the laptop, or I clean the bathroom. And, I always do the bath, because my DH doesn't have the patience to sit in there either.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

19 mos is definitely WAY too young. And I am one of those horrible neglectful mothers who will leave the kids in the car to run in the house or school for something real quick.









I don't think I lifet my kids in the tub longer than the time it takes to grab a towel or soap or whatever from the hall closet until they were closer to 4. Maybe earlier if I were in earshot and would ask them what they were doing if it got quiet or I heard too much splashing.


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## Maxine45 (Oct 29, 2005)

Thanks everyone for encouraging me to listen to my own intuition.
It looks like I'll be taking over the bathtime ritual from DS.

I asked him an open ended question "how is it going with you being the one to bathe DS" and he replied that he thinks DS needs to learn to be more independent in the bathtub







. I explained that I don't think it's safe at all to ever leave him, and told him why.

It's his decision to continue to give the baths and abide by my wishes or to give up the duty.

We have a lot of marital conflict over him thinking I "boss him around" too much and that "nothing he ever does is right anyway" so this is just one more thing to make him feel like a victim. Yeah but that's another story!!

Again, thanks to each one of you. I'm not letting it happen again.


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## mightymoo (Dec 6, 2003)

I agree, 19 months is way too young. I don't leave my 4.5 year old alone in the bath. I will do things now that they are both a bit older like run out of the bath to grab something, but our house is very small, I never leave the upper floor and generally I'm gone 10 seconds or less, and I don't even do that often.


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## Astoria (May 27, 2004)

About the marital conflict, you had an intuition, and he had a different one. But you followed up by asking peers, and possibly researching. He's still basing his on an intuition. Ask him to research the issue of when its safe to leave a baby in a tub alone. Remind him that there are parenting styles and then there are first aid / safety issues that are not opinions.

Also, in our house, the rule is if someone is more "conservative" by which we mean is scared or worried about the well-being of the child, about any issue, his or her opinion wins. So he's nervous about children eating in a moving vehicle because they could choke and you can't reach them, he wins, no eating, even if I don't worry. If I'm nervous about no being alone in the tub, I win, no being alone in the tub. No parent should be in fear for their babies safety in their own house, its no way to live. And he sounds like he really needs some of his choices and private space with the baby affirmed. I hope you can find a different area to do that, rather than a life and death area.









Good luck.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

for me its when my kids are old enough to sing....(usually five+)
I tell them to sing and if the singing stops I run but our place is tiny


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## Amydoula (Jun 20, 2004)

DS just turned 6 in November and we have just now begun letting him bathe by himself with regular check-ins. I couldn't imagine a child as young as a year and a half.


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## AppleCrisp (Aug 19, 2005)

Well, besides the obvious, other things can happen in a split second too...

...as in tonight, as I sat on the closed toilet, reading, while DS splashed in the tub. I literally looked down for a second, didn't hear a single change in his activity, and when I looked up, there were several *ahem* unauthorized submarines in the water. Thank goodness I was right there and I grabbed him right out of there. I can't even think about it if I had been out of the bathroom doing something else!! YUCK!!! As it is I had to completely scrub down the tub and put all the toys in the dishwasher







: but the baby was still relatively unpoo'ed upon







thanks to my quick action!


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## griffin2004 (Sep 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astoria* 
Also, in our house, the rule is if someone is more "conservative" by which we mean is scared or worried about the well-being of the child, about any issue, his or her opinion wins.

good policy! child safety and well-being should always trump


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## Perdita_in_Ontario (Feb 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astoria* 

Also, in our house, the rule is if someone is more "conservative" by which we mean is scared or worried about the well-being of the child, about any issue, his or her opinion wins. ...

Good luck.

Yes, that's our policy too (although I admit I have occasionally sneaked a bit of food to DD in the car if I'm alone with her even though DH worries about it... must work on that). But overall, the conservative person's opinions are respected.

It seems to be somewhat common situation - mothers do seem to be more protective of kids than fathers and get accused of being over-protective. And I suspect that sometimes that's true. But wanting to supervise a 19-month-old in the tub doesn't fall in that category. My DD has slipped a couple of times too and I've managed to grab her quickly. If I wasn't there it could have been nasty (I too have on occasion run out quickly to get a drink etc b/c DD used to not move around at all in the tub - not wise but I did it, but now she's more adventurous, I don't leave the bathroom).

Good for you for standing your ground. 19-month-olds don't need to be independent!


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## OldFashionedGirl (Mar 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sarbear* 
My friend left her 3 year old daughter (who could swim, btw) in the tub alone for a few minutes while she went to grab a towel. The little girl had a seizure out of the blue (never had one before), and to make a long story short she almost died. Thankfully, she is alright now, but I always think of this whenever I am tempted to leave ds even for a minute in the tub- you just never know, and it's not worth taking the risk.

But how far do you carry this? My fiance had his first seizure, in the shower, when he was 14. Does that mean that his mom should have been supervising his bathing, still? (Although, she seems to be doing that with his youngest brother, who is 10, and who is still supervised in the bath *eyeroll*.)

I was actually wondering the same thing the other night, strictly out of curiostity. I have to agree that 19 is CLEARLY too young, but in general, I'd have to say it depends on the kid. I would imagine 3-5 for most children.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

I think I started leaving Corbin alone in the bath for quick runs to get something when he was about that age (19-20 months). I would count the whole time and make sure I checked on him before I got to 20. He never tried to stand up in the bath at that age, and he made lots of noise, so I'd have known to come running if the noises stopped.

I started leaving him basically on his own in there when he was 2.5, I think, around the time we had Simon. I check every few minutes and listen to him talking to himself pretty much continuously. My parents freaked out about this and insisted on standing right nex to him while he was bathing. I was like, "if he's shouting about duckies at the top of his lungs, he's not drowning!"


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

My son is 18 months. I wouldn't leave him in the bath. He still slips occasionally with me there.

I don]'t remember when we started leaving our daughter for brief periods.


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## robinCBN (Jan 22, 2008)

Another one for 19 months being much, much, much too young to leave alone in a bath for any amount of time. Ours was playing and put her face in the water and inhaled all in a second before we could even grab her and she choked for a good while after we hauled her out. I agree with the poster who said that if DH won't agree, you have to do the bath.


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## Marcee (Jan 23, 2007)

DD is 3 (almost 4) and DS is 2.5. I always stay within eye shot of the bath room so that they are in my Direct line of site.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

DS is a little over three and I leave him in there while I'm in and out doing things. We live in a smallish apt. and I leave the door open. He doesn't stand and our water heater is set so that it can't scald.


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## megansar (Jan 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astoria* 
About the marital conflict, you had an intuition, and he had a different one. But you followed up by asking peers, and possibly researching. He's still basing his on an intuition. Ask him to research the issue of when its safe to leave a baby in a tub alone. Remind him that there are parenting styles and then there are first aid / safety issues that are not opinions.

Also, in our house, the rule is if someone is more "conservative" by which we mean is scared or worried about the well-being of the child, about any issue, his or her opinion wins. So he's nervous about children eating in a moving vehicle because they could choke and you can't reach them, he wins, no eating, even if I don't worry. If I'm nervous about no being alone in the tub, I win, no being alone in the tub. No parent should be in fear for their babies safety in their own house, its no way to live. And he sounds like he really needs some of his choices and private space with the baby affirmed. I hope you can find a different area to do that, rather than a life and death area.









Good luck.


That is a FABULOUS way to compromise on parenting things. I am going to share that with my dh. We have (in the past) argued about things where I think the kids just aren't ready to be as independent and he thinks the opposite.

THANK YOU for explaining that so perfectly.









Oh yes, and 19 months is way too young. My ds is that age and even with one of us right there, he's slipped under the water in a second (silently). I got a sick feeling in my tummy just reading that your little guy is that young. Hugs.

I just recently started leaving my dd who is almost 4 in the tub alone for a few seconds while I go into her room or her brother's room. Both rooms are steps from the bathroom and I can see her the entire time. I keep talking to her the whole time I'm gone. But she's a really well-behaved kid who is quite predictable. I'm not sure how I'll feel when ds is that age...he tends to be a risk taker and I just don't think I'd trust him not to do something silly if I wasn't there, even at almost 4 years old.


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