# Hitting, kicking, screaming 2.5 year old



## SollysMom (Jan 5, 2008)

My husband and I are at a loss with what to do with our almost-2.5-year-old DS. Half the time he's absolutely delightful, and the other half the time he's screaming or hitting/kicking us when he doesn't get exactly what he wants when he wants it. We try to meet his needs as promptly as possible, but especially since DS2 (2mos) was born, sometimes DS1 needs to wait (just as sometimes the baby waits if DS1's needs are more pressing at the moment). And sometimes when he screams/hits, we don't even know what he wants. He does talk, though not always in complete sentences, so I'm sure sometimes it's frustration because he can't express what he wants. And sometimes he has a very good reason for being in a bad mood - like he's tired, or teething, or has an ear infection. We try to be understanding in those cases and get to the root of the problem, but we also want to teach him that even if his ear hurts, it's still not okay to hit.

When he hits, my approach is to hold his hands/wrists so he can't continue hitting me and say "Don't hit, that hurts mama" and if it persists I use a more stern voice and say "Do Not Hit me." Sometimes I hold his chin (gently) to make him look me in the eye while I say it. It's obviously not working because he continues to hit. When I'm really frustrated with him, sometimes I do the "bear hug" and just hug him tightly - holding his arms down so he can't hit - while I catch my breath and try to regain my composure.

As for the screaming, it's the same thing where he screams whenever he doesn't get his way. Sometimes when he's in a bad mood, he'll just scream every.thing.he.says. We try to patiently explain to him why he can't have X right now or why he needs to wait a few minutes, but it doesn't seem to help.

Neither of us believes in spanking, but my husband was so frustrated the other night that he said maybe we should start. I know he would never hurt DS, but he's just at the end of his rope (as I am) and we need to find a new approach. Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Its a process. There isnt one magical thing that you can do to make him understand hitting is unacceptable all at once. It sounds as though you are doing what you can, especially with the new little one. That is an adjustment for him too, so just know that he is trying to find his groove with the new little one, just like you and DH are.

This prolly isnt what you were hoping to hear, but its all I got. Other then BTDT, they do grow out of it, or atleast it becomes less frequent.


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

I was just coming on here to post with this exact title (except DS is just 2, not 2 1/2)...

The other difference we have is that DS isn't doing it when he's angry. He's bored, finished eating, frustrated by another diaper change (although he's not acting frustrated -- he just starts kicking)..... UGH.

All I can say is that a month ago I posted about his troublesome spitting and that has mostly subsided, so I'm hoping this hitting and kicking will end within the month, too! I know it will pass, but I need it to pass FASTER. Good luck w/ your LO!


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## lucalove (Mar 21, 2008)

I'm sorry you're going through this. I also have a 2.5 year old son and am really searching for tools right now to work with his discipline stuff that just started coming up really intensely about 4 weeks ago.
What I can say is I'm trying to make sure he's got enough rest at night, enough quiet during the day, and plenty of routine right now.
That doesn't solve everything, he's still testing lots of boundaries (hitting my face, not getting dressed, etc) and his dad is out of town quite a bit on business trips so I'm alone in this struggle.
I am actually doing a parenting coaching session later on in the week and I'll post again with any helpful hints I get back on how to work with him.








For now, just take a hug from me. I'm a really gentle person but even I have been "losing" it with my son lately, yelling at him a couple of times and then feeling horrible about it. We all reach the end of our ropes and realize we need more skills as parents but maybe instead of resorting to spanking, it's a signal that it's time to grow as parents and figure out what skills will help us transition with our children to another stage.


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