# 3 1/2 year old DD suddenly emotionally needy?



## BMG580 (Jun 19, 2007)

My daughter has always been very attached to me yet also in the past year has displayed continual growth in independence. In the last week she has suddenly become very emotionally needy, wants to be held and snuggled all the time, verbally asks for attention, has been climbing in bed with us at night, etc. I almost feel like I have a little human leech attached to me all the time.

I am not upset about this, I am actually pretty happy that she is so clearly able to ask to have her needs fulfilled but I am curious if anyone else has had a toddler suddenly go through something like this? I am tempted to think it is jealousy over her baby brother and the desire to carve our her own private time with me and my DH but when I ask her if she wants to have some alone time with either of us she always wants her baby brother to be with us too.

Thoughts or advice would be appreciated.


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## foreverinbluejeans (Jun 21, 2004)

It may be the holidays, or she may not be feeling well, or she may have just had an immunization, or she may be getting teeth, someone may have made a comment that upset her - there are many things that it could be. It's normal. It sounds like you are doing a good job of comforting her during this time.


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## menomena (Jun 14, 2007)

I think it's developmental + holiday stress/business.

My 3.5yr old daughter has become a whiny, clingy, nurse-y mess lately.

Things of note:

1. I was preoccupied for several weeks leading up to the holidays making gifts and getting food in order.

2. We were leaving the house for long stretches at a time almost every day for a couple weeks.

3. Daddy was available A LOT over the past week and now he's back at work.

4. The more stressed out I got, the whinier and clingier she got, so the more grumpy and stressed I got, so the more whiny and clingy she got, so...

5. The holidays/gift-giving bonanza is over. There is the post-holiday slump - things were so busy and so exciting for so long (even if they were stressful) and now there is... calm? Mine doesn't like change in routines (even if it's to change BACK to an old routine) so I feel like she's trying to recreate the chaos she felt. But, it makes her feel crazy instead of better so she's conflicted.

Which brings me to:

6. She is DESPERATELY working on independence. "I can do!" "Let me do it!" "Look Mom! I'm doing [insert new "trick"]!!" She is trying so hard to break away (in age-appropriate ways) that a. it's discomforting and b. she needs to check in way more to sort of "offset" the striking out on her own. For every hour she plays quietly in her bedroom (Thank you Playmobile!) she has to spend two hours HANGING on me (or standing on my feet, WTF? My 19m old does this too and it drives me batty).

We're also getting a lot of yelling and demanding. I think as she starts to really view herself as a separate, independent entity she loses sight of the whole "one member of a larger family" aspect to life. To put it mildly.







Which is also age-appropriate.

Like you said, I'm glad she is able to let me know what's going on (and that I'm able to recognize it for what it is). It doesn't make it easier or less frustrating, but at least I know what's going on and I can sort of put it in perspective like "this isn't easy for her either".

Speaking of - she would like to nurse now and I told her she could after breakfast, so I gotta go. HTH.


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## mama_mojo (Jun 5, 2005)

DD2 will be four in April and has been a very sunny outgoing child. Until she turned 3.5. She suddenly needed me to mediate any interactions with people outside our immediate family. And she never left my side at social gatherings. However, I would say this has been obviously fading. It probably peaked around Thanksgiving, and all the holiday prep did not seem to faze her. She wasn't exactly outgoing at holiday functions, but she also wasn't glued to my side. I think it's a phase; they feel their independence, and then kind of think, "Oh no! What have I done!" and pull back again. An example- she has been dressing herself since she was about 2, but since right around 3.5, she has asked me or DH to dress her.


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## menomena (Jun 14, 2007)

Yes, exactly. DD really, really loves for us to feed her at dinner time. It's waning but did peak around mid-November (She will also be 4 in April).


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## LilWin (Apr 25, 2007)

:

Yes to all of this above!! I can totally relate and have been going through the exact same things with DD. I was worried but after reading from all of you I feel relieved it's normal. I do hope it will pass soon, she's clearly not feeling well. DD will be 4 in May.


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