# Discipline for 5 year old boy



## SquirelNutkin (Mar 4, 2002)

Hello-
I am presently really frustrated with how I deal with my son, and his behavior.

Here' my situation- I have an nearly 9 year old girl- very calm and studious. My son is almost 6, and when tired very rambunctious, otherwise very much a boy.
He is out going and friendly.
I have a 2 and half year old who is becoming ornery with his brother. I think he is trying to create some boundaries, and I am sure there is some jealousy and competition as well.
We home school, so we are all together in this scenario except every afternoon one child has an outside activity. My parents also take a child frequently so they get some alone time with an adult.

Here is our main problems-
He screams easily when upset (for instant if he doesn't get to the door first.) The screaming goes on until i scream or I put him in time out and say he must be quiet or he cant get out. This is after giving him alternative things to say (like, I would really like to get to the door first, i get frustrated by...)
This happens about 4 times a day, on a good day. There are some times that are predictable. Like when he needs to brush his teeth after lunch. There are other times when he gets frustrated that his little brother wont share. And then there are just a lot of random times.
He has also started to call people names when he is angry with them. 9Thank goodness his vocabulary on this front only extends to poopy head and stupid head!) I put him on the couch for a one minute time our, explain that we respect each other in this home and will not call each other names. That I wouldn't allow anyone to call him these names. tell him that saying he is angry is fine, but not name calling. And he must apologize to person.

Anyhow, it does not seem to be abating. the name calling has begun the last 3 months. The screaming for about a year. His little brother is picking it up- sometimes starts screaming right after the older one stops.
The time outs and talks don't seem to stop it, and there is a good 15 minutes of screaming around that alone.
This also never occurs in public.
And in general, the screaming makes me less patient for all his boyishness which is hard to take anyhow (For instance, the constant tapping of a fork at dinner.)
Its driving everyone crazy!
My friends either are spankers or don't have boys and don't seem to get the full scope of the energy!
What would you do>?
HELP!
brenda


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## wanderinggypsy (Jul 26, 2005)

Wow, my almost five year old son is up to the exact same tricks, it appears. It is quite brutal for DH and myself, because out of our three kids, he was the 'easiest' as a baby, and as a toddler as well. But now, he has developed a very strong will, and when he doesn't get what he wants, he dissolves into tears, screaming and crying. Like you said, it can last FOREVER, so it's not like a toddler tantrum that you can just wait out and in a few minutes they're on to something else.

I wish I had advice, but all I have are hugs and the hope that someone posts something BRILLIANT to help us with our little boys!!!


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

It's not a boy thing...my DD is like that, too. I don't have much good advice but I'm subbing to hear what you get


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## canadiangranola (Oct 1, 2004)

If it were my five yr old....
it seems like he's trying to assert independence.

I would start by not making him brush his teeth at lunch. If it's predictably upsetting, I would honestly let it go. My dentist told us that bacteria only begins to form plaque when it sits undisturbed for 24 hours. So, one easy way to rid yourself of the stress of one tantrum is to forgo the lunchtime toothbrushing.

I think the using words to hurt (name calling, etc) thing is pretty age appropriate. If forcing an apology isn't working, and either are time outs, and in fact these things just cause more stress to everyone, maybe you need to rethink your strategy. I know that with my five yr old, if I gave a time out for something, the situation would simply escalate, much in the way you are describing, with the 15 minutes of screaming. I really think that time outs are so hurtful for kids, that when they are misbehaving they are trying to tell us that something inside of them isn't feeling right, and they are asking for help in figuring it out. By isolating them from the family when they are misbehaving, it can send the message of "you are not part of our family when you do ______ " It seems to take them at their most vulnerable point and isolate them further.

Does anything change if you sit with him when he is name calling, or screaming and just validate his feelings? The screaming is, in my son at least, often a reaction to this internal feeling of overwhelm....such anger at his sister, for example, that he just needs to get it out. He needs someone to validate him, to hear how frustrated/angry, etc he is and not to judge him for it, but to love him through it. I can do this in my calmest, most centered moments. Other times, it is harder.

Can you find any other triggers for him? Does it happen more when he is tired, hungry, overstimulated? I know my little guy can lose it more easily if we've been really busy and haven't had any down time, even though he's a total extrovert. He really needs one on one quiet time with his dad or I on a regular basis, and really thrives on that time.

I hope you find some other people with good ideas. Hopefully, you can find a few ideas that can help navigate the stormy waters









Peace mama,
Anno


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## woaters (Oct 5, 2007)

Keeping an eye on this too. My DS is similar. But for me he has a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on and we can have a good few days or even a week and then I get comfy....and boom! The noise is back.
Wish I knew why....


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