# going to maternity ward when you lose a baby:(Just a Rant



## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

Does anyone else feel like its Totally insensitive and inapropriate(?) to go to the maternity ward when you've just lost a baby. I've had 5m/c (2 ectopics) and every time got stuck in the maternity ward which made it worse to hear the babies in the backround. I would've felt better if they'd of stuck me in a closet or something so i couldn't hear. Why do they do that, they should have better procedures for that. Someone should make them understand how hard it is for some of us. I think we should have a choice, either go there if it don't bother you or send us somewhere else if it does bother us. I talked to a relative that m/c and she didn't mind being there cuz she loves babies and liked hearing them, she said i was probably just jealous which is why it upset me,,,,,,,well, duuuuhhhhhh







: of course i was jealous, they got to hold they're babe and i didn't! Am i the only one that feels this strongly about it? I wish something could be done to change this "procedure" they have! Rant Over (sorry, bad weekend)


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## mamatowill (Aug 23, 2004)

I was put on the same floor as the babies at the hospital after my m/c. I told them that I did not want to be near the babies and I wasn't- I was put with the cancer patients in the gyn section. I know they put me up there because it was the ob/gyn floor and it had it's own operating room which I needed. Luckily I didn't hear the babies but I delivered my son on the same floor and had to go past the admitting desk and everything. I also had to go for u/s on the same floor and sit with women who were really pregnant while I knew I was losing my baby. Sorry for the long rant- I think that it comes from the fact that m/c falls under ob/gyn and they are not really thinking about what it does for the momma. I wanted to add that my mother asked my why hearing the babies would bother me! I mean I had a week or so to get used to the idea that my baby was not going to make it. Sorry to hijack and yes I do think that it is insensitive.


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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

To answer your question... _*YES!!!!!!*_ This was the main problem I had when I had to deliver my baby at 19 weeks. I had to walk past the nursery, hear babies cry and hear other mothers giving birth. It was simply hell. That put alot more stress on me and triggered my depression that I had afterwards. When I was checking in, there were 3 other mothers in line at the nurses station ahead of me that were in legimate labor with healthy babies and it just tore me up. There is no way to soften that experience.
I told my doctor how insensitive it was too. He was a complete jerk about it and just said that is were they have to put people that have... and I quote... dead babies.







: He was a real insensitive







He has scared me from going back to any doctor right now.
After I delivered our baby, I asked to go to different ward, so they finally transfered me to the ward where the women that had just had a hysterectomy and such. It made me feel a little better until the nurse came in and asked me if I wanted her to get my baby. I was a little confused and didn't know what was going on. For a second, I thought a miracle had happened (all of the blood loss made me a little slow to comprehend), but then I realized what she meant and it just hurt all the more.


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## roslyn (Aug 23, 2006)

I was on the OB floor for both my m/c, but I didn't see any other pregnant women nor did I see or hear babies. They did play lullabies for when babies were born. They asked if I wanted one for my baby and I agreed. They warned me in advance about the lullabies and it didn't bother me at all. My hospital is the smaller of the two in our city. They don't have the volume of the other hospital, so I suppose they were able to put me in a more secluded spot. They also put a logo on my door so people were very low-key when they came in my room.


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## fek&fuzz (Jun 19, 2005)

I used to take baby photos in the hospitals, and when there was a woman who had lost a baby, she was in the maternity ward, but around the corner from the other rooms. They would also put a sign outside the door, well a drawing really, of a baby's hand reaching up to touch a big hand (God's hand, it was a religious hospital) so that doctor's and other staff would know.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Roslyn, that is so nice that they played a lullaby for your baby too.

My D&C was outpatient, right next to the cancer treatment center. I sat there waiting, watching the cancer patients coming and going. It was a good perspective, how things could be worse.

Mine was a religious hospital also--they sent the chaplain in to offer a prayer, which still makes me cry just thinking of it. The nurse was so kind, even the anasthesiologist offered condolences.

They gave me information on grief, m/c, support groups. It was as good an experience as one could hope for, given the incredibly sad reason we were there.

Anyway, not a single expectant mom was in sight. That would have made it really hard.

I'm sorry for those of you whose loss was made all that harder by being grouped in with all the happy mommies....









Keri


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## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

I'm so sorry for all the losses







I'm glad there are hospitals out there that try to make it alittle better for the mama's, mine wasn't one of them. I did ask to be moved but the nurse said"i'm sorry but this is procedure" but she did ask the head nurse and dr about moving me but they all said the same thing. I even told the one nurse to just put me in the closet till its time to go home! She laughed but i didn't, i wasn't kidding.
I agree that the lullaby was really nice,,but unfortunately if they'd have done that with me it woulda probably made me feel worse








mamatowill-hijack away! thats what this thread's here for


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## BelovedBird (Apr 5, 2002)

That sucks.


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## roslyn (Aug 23, 2006)

I definitely understand your feeling Joy. I think that the lullaby in the context of the very gentle treatment I received was okay, in any other context it would've been horrible. I can't imagine being treated the way you were. This was my second loss in the same hospital, and I've never thought to ask if they have a certain area for women who have lost babies or what. But I didn't see anyone, or even hear anyone else. Now that I think about it, I'm really surprised, because it seems everyone in this town is pregnant.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

I've heard of this so many times. It seems so horrible cruel. Maternity wards are usually such happy places, you shouldn't have to be surrounded by crying babies and laboring moms when you are going through such a sad time. Thankfully I have been able to stay home through my recent loss. I can't imagine how awful I would feel to have to be in the maternity ward. I'm so sorry for your pain.


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

My dr. put it in his orders that I was to stay in labor and delivery and not be moved to the mother/baby ward after delivery--not to even go past the desk that separated them (in case I walked during labor, I guess), so I stayed in the last birthing room at the far end of the hallway the whole time. I vaguely remember hearing the TV next door once, but that's it; I'm thinking the birthing rooms may have had extra soundproofing perhaps? I assume there was probably a note or something on my door to remind staff since they all new what was going on and no one ever asked awkward questions, but I never saw it. For my U/S to confirm everything and get checked in, I was in a bay area, but all the beds were curtained, so I didn't actually see anyone, although I knew they were probably there. The nurse from my dr's office escorted me over personally and then handed me off to a specific nurse once I was there. I was treated with compassion and respect, and they really made the best that could be out of a horrible situation. In the memory box they gave me, there is even a card signed from the nurses that worked with me that weekend. One of my most special memories is of one of the nurses crying as my daughter was born. In hindsight, I think she was fairly new and that it was her first stillbirth, but it really touched me. I am so, so sorry that your hospital made it even harder for you than it already was. There is no excuse for that.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

What are the chances, if those of you who had bad experiences in hospitals would print this thread and give it to your doctors or nurses, that they might make a change?

Am I deluded?

Or is it possible that, if shown a more compassionate way, they may consider a policy change?

I don't mean to make anyone into an activist. But one person can make a difference. And that difference could be to spare other women who are miscarrying or delivering a still baby the additional agony of being in the maternity ward.


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## BelovedBird (Apr 5, 2002)

lola, I don't really understand it to begin with, here in Israel in every hospital I have ever been in they have a "birth" ward and a separate "women" ward (gynocology) Do women in the US not have enough hospitalized gyno cases for their own ward? WHY would they do this to the women??? SO horrible. When I was in a hospital for 3 days after a miscarriage (complicated) I NEVER saw or heard a baby! That would have been HORRID.







Is there a way to change this?
I know somone who was on hospitalized bedrest in the US- and she was stuck in an L&D "closet" (don't know what it really was but it was a tiny, windowless room) for like 2 months! Imagine how terrible? On bedrest, not knowing if the babies will stay put long enough to survive, hearing babies and birthing women 24/7 without even a window.

When I was 8 weeks in my 3rd pg. (in the states) and developed a high fever they had me in a hallway somewhere near L&D and they wondered why I didn't want to stay until my fever went down "to rest" and instead signed myself out against medical advice.

Anyway.







:


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Belovedbird--

The hospitals here are independent, so there could be many reasons why they do things the way they do. I wonder if some of the hospitals are too small to have a separate ward, or if they are too big to take such things into consideration (too many patients to customize one experience). Or if the people in charge have never looked at the subject from our perspective. Or if it is just bureaucratic, like a hospital not allowing a doctor or nurse to determine room placement.

If we would start asking some hospitals why they put the women experiencing loss next to the women experiencing birth, we may learn the reasons. I don't think it's out of cruelty, but out of logistics and practicality and ignorance and habit. Complete guess.

As far as the closet---I have never heard of such a thing. It's amazing to me how much nicer hospitals have become in the last 20-25 years, less institutional and impersonal. I've been in 8 or 9 different hospitals in the US and have never seen a hospital room without windows. Bizarre. Why didn't she switch to a different hospital, or at least demand a different room?

Is there a way to change this? For starters, let the 'bad' hospitals know that it is a problem, and there are better ways to handle it. It may be as simple as opening one person's eyes....

LOVE the Free Hugs video, it made my day! Thanks for the awesome link!

Keri


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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

My doctor told me the reason he had me right there was because in case of complications there was the OB OR right there next door.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

mommysusie









While it makes sense I guess, it was still an excruciating setting to have you in, given the circumstances. I'm sorry you had to lose your baby, and in such a way.


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## Casie77 (Dec 29, 2004)

I saw this and had to post, I on the other hand, felt I would have been taken care of better if I had been in Labor & delivery. I was rushed to the OR, then could not be knocked out b/c I had eaten a few hours before. I had massive bleeding and chunks of tissue and the nurses just stood there not knowing what to do. So they ended up putting me in the back of the pediatric wing (yes with sick little kids) those nurses were even worse, like they had never seen blood before. I just thought the people in the L&D would have maybe helped me a little better, but it may have been harder emotionally. But that is just my experience. It sucks no matter where you are!!

Casie


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I had to be in labor and delivery until after I delivered, but the nurse in charge of my care (a nurse who had been with me for the delivery of my son 2 years before) fought to keep me there for my entire stay. At one point they wanted to take me up to ICU (my fever was dangerously high for a long time) but she fought to bring the cooling blankets and ice packs to me instead. She insisted that she was better able to care for me and that the nurses on her floor could be more sensitive to my needs. She stayed long after she was released and organized all of my care ensuring that I only saw her and the nurse who had originally handled my admitance. No one else was allowed through the doors. They put a purple bow on my door so even the cleaning staff knew to be quite and they turned off all of the monitors so I didn't have to see that other women were in labor around me. I spent all three days in the same room and when the time came that I could finally go home she wheeled me out blocking my view of the nursery and any pregnant women on the floor. I don't think there could have been a better place for me to be. When I had my D&C four months later I was on the first floor, out patient surgery. I don't even remember seeing any other patients honestly. The same nurse who took care of me when I lost Arawyn was there on the surgery floor that day to take care of me and again last year when our PAL baby was born. I think she is permanently assigned to my care or something.


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