# Help: baby has severe separation anxiety!



## ewink (May 23, 2005)

I have a 9 month old little boy who has had (and still has) several medical issues, mainly food allergies/intolerances with tummy trouble and eczema. He's also had 4 colds already and 1 ear infection (he was not even 3 months when he had it). Both he and I have also really been struggling thrush. Anyway, I think at least partly due to all these issues he's been a very high need baby and has always had trouble sleeping, both falling asleep and staying asleep. The only way he can to sleep is by being nursed down, which I totally don't mind. Also, when his eczema was really acting up or when he had the colds the only place he would sleep is next to me. But the last few weeks he was less and less willing to sleep anywhere else but in the bed where I sleep, and the last week or so only when I'm there. He's also showing other signs of separation anxiety; I can't go anywhere without him, not even to the bathroom! So long as I'm holding him or playing with him he's a generally a happy and content baby. He's also really been freaking out when anybody else besides me or my DH comes anywhere near him.

The problem with the whole sleeping thing is that I can't possibly sleep or lie there with him 13-15 hours per day, which is the amount of sleep he needs. Also, it makes it very difficult for my DH and I to get any "us" time without a baby. DH and I sleep in different rooms, since he doesn't even want the baby in the room, let alone in bed with him! So there are some issues. I do want to continue co-sleeping with my baby though; I get a lot more sleep that way, since he still needs to nurse at night. My DH is ok with me sleeping there, but not with not getting any private time with me anymore!

What can I do to help him sleep on his own (in the same bed we sleep together, he really doesn't want to have anything to do with his crib right now) during naps (at least sometimes, when I don't need a nap) and in the beginning of the night until I go to bed??

Thanks in advance. Sorry this got so long.

Edith


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## 2much2luv (Jan 12, 2003)

I'm sorry I don't have much to offer, but have you tried leaving your shirt behind when you put him down? Just having the warmth and smell of you might help him. Also, do you play music or nature sounds in the bedroom? I find that my babe sleeps more soundly with soft music playing.


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Ewink, this has nothing to do with your baby's medical or food intolerance issues. This is a totally normal stage of development that all babies go through. The reason you haven't heard of it is that most parents put their babies in bed and let them CIO, not because it's rare or unusual.







Honestly, I don't have much advice except that this *will* pass. Just when you think you can't stand it for one more day, it will pass. I'm sure someone will have some ideas for you, but my best advice is just to wait it out. Realistically, by the time it takes to implement some new strategy and get the baby used to it, the stage will probably be over anyway. And then it might happen again several months later.


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## MAMom (Mar 24, 2005)

I agree with the pp that much of this sounds like totally normal 9 month old behavior to me. 9 month olds still need their mommy's (and daddy's) A LOT!!! And FWIW I still can't use the bathroom by myself, and DS is 2.5









We always did a lot of "rolling" naps at that age - actually until about 2 y.o. (in the car....I would time my errands so he would nap in the car - or in the stroller....take him for a walk around nap time, let him sleep in the stroller - sometimes I would sit beside the stoller & read or have my coffee or lunch, sometimes I'd roll the stroller right into the house). Or I would nurse him down & then turn the monitor on when he fell asleep.

Also teething times were always rough for DS (and for my DS we had a lot of that around 9-10 months) - and sometimes this can last for weeks.

As a mom to a DS who had food allergies/GI issues 9my guy has outgrown them luckily), I'm not surprised if your DS needs you "more" if he's hurting/uncomfortable form the food issues & eczema. A great food allergy website I recommend a lot is Kids With Food Allergies They have online forums there as well, and some of the other parents there may be able to help you with some of the food/eczema issues.

Sometimes you have to get really creative with the "us" time with you & your DH. We still have very limited "us" time, so I don't have any great advice in this area (though we did manage to find the time to make a second baby









___________________________________
SAHM to a spectacular little boy, born 5/2003 :bf














Feb 2006!
"When you teach your son, you teach your son's son." ~ The Talmud


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Ditto. Totally normal. Nothing to do with medical issues. Not much help except to say that it will pass.

-Angela


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## Fay (Sep 21, 2005)

Ewink, separation anxiety at 9 months is normal, but you did not say when the anxiety started. Normal separation anxiety starts at around 8 months, fades by 18 months and spikes up again around the child's third birthday before resolving itself. If the anxiety started before 6 months of age, then you've got a different issue on your hands and should consult with a pediatrician.

A lot of things can make the separation anxiety worse. Illnesses, allergies, vaccines and some medications can definitely increase a baby's anxiety. It sounds like there is a lot of tension and stress in your home. You and DH may wish to call a truce and work on the anxiety together.

And yes, it is possible to spend 13-15 nonconsecutive hours every day and night holding a sleeping baby next to your heartbeat. BTDT, and it is completely exhausting work and caused all kinds of stress in my marriage. But we got through it and are all stronger for it. You will be, too.

If you need to talk, send me a pm.


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## namaste8 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi! this is my first post, and i just wanted to say that i am having very much the same problem. my baby won't lie down without me, and won't sleep anywhere but my bed. i am ok with co-sleeping, but my dh is starting to get anxious as well. just know that even though i have no answers, i am in the struggle with you. i have this book called "the no-cry sleep solution" that i am hoping will help!


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fay*
If the anxiety started before 6 months of age, then you've got a different issue on your hands and should consult with a pediatrician.

I don't want to tear your post apart at all, because I think it was a great post, but I disagree with that sentence. My daughter hasn't wanted to sleep without me since she was about 3 or 4 months old, but there's nothing wrong with her! She just preferred to have a nipple in her mouth or very nearby.


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