# My daughter said she was "abused" at a playdate, WTD?



## Mindy70 (Nov 1, 2004)

Hi,

My 6 yr old daughter had a playdate with her friend two days ago. That night she woke up crying and told me that the following things had happened:

Older brother of friend (he is 19) had chased her around the pool, tried to dunk her, and when she tried to get the mom, had physically blocked her and taunted her, saying "Did you like that, huh, want me to dunk you again, did you like it?"

Older brother had on another occasion locked her up behind two baby gates and would not let her out of the room, and was taunting her and asking her "do you like that, huh? do you? do you like it?" and kept her locked up for 1/2 hour.

Older brother had chaesed her around and then smacked her across the face twice, playfully, but hard enough that it really hurt.

Now when I called the mom, she went ballistic and claimed her son would never do that, and my daughter's friend claimed she didn't see anything of that sort going on. She never saw her brother hit my dd or lock her up.

My daughter seemed however genuinely upset and had never lied like this before. She told me that she didn't tell me earlier about the older brother being mean because she wanted to go back to her friends house and was worried I would not let her. And she still wants to go back, if he is not there!

This mom is also my daughters girl scout troop leader.

My question is- would you tend to believe your child, think the truth was somewhere in the middle, or think your kid was embellishing things?

Would you let her go back to girl scouts, considering they meet at this mom's house?

My husband actually wanted me to call the police, because dd claimed he slapped her twice, and he is 19. But her story is not consistent, and I don't know what to think!

Thoughts?


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I would believe her.

I would let her go to girl scouts IF I could also attend. If not, then no. My goal would be to keep her safe, first, and second to not make her feel punished. But the safety would come first. I would reinforce that telling was absolutely the right thing to do, that none of this is her fault, that it's a tough situation, and that my first job as a parent is to keep her safe but that we would try to do it so that she could still attend.

I wouldn't call the police about the slapping, despite temptation.


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

I would believe her and not let her stay at that house anymore. I'm sorry that happened to her.


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## greeny (Apr 27, 2007)

Quote:

I would believe her.

I would let her go to girl scouts IF I could also attend. If not, then no. My goal would be to keep her safe, first, and second to not make her feel punished. But the safety would come first. I would reinforce that telling was absolutely the right thing to do, that none of this is her fault, that it's a tough situation, and that my first job as a parent is to keep her safe but that we would try to do it so that she could still attend.
I agree with this.








to your daughter.


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## goodygumdrops (Jan 25, 2007)

I would believe her. I totally understand your husbands desire to call the police. I would tempted myself.

I would not let her go over there again without you being present. Same for girl scouts.


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

I would believe your daughter my dd told me that her second cousin had molested her when she was 5 or 6 (this was when she was 8) and that I didn't want to believe her but she had never lied before so I took it as truth, called the police, an investigation was done and he admitted to it. I could never forgive myself if I did not believe her in the beginning.

So you should sit down with her, ask her to tell you exactly what happened again, and go from there. At 6 lying doesn't come naturally so if she has never lied before I don't know why should would start now.

Good luck


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I would definitely believe that *something* happened that made her uncomfortable. I do not think she is lying. but, when you say her story is inconsistent, what do you mean? It's possible, given the way some people's children have been raised, that he really thought he was playing, having been allowed or taught to "play" that way, but her having been taught to respect and honor people's boundaries and feelings, that type of "play" was foreign and hurtful to her.

That's not to dowplay what happened, because it is very real to her, but maybe he truly had no bad intentions? My bf sometimes "plays" with my ds even after he is clearly not enjoying the "game" anymore nad it drives me crazy. I think in his case he's kind of egocentric about the way he plays and truly doesn't notice the effect he's having on ds until I bring it to his attention. I have seen him do things that I thought at first glance were meanspirited until I realized he really thought he was just playing with him (teasing him, roughousing) He forgets he's not dealing with someone else his own size/emotional maturity.

ETA: he is 19 years old and old enough to know better; I would talk directly to him, not his mother, and hear his side of the story, and probably ask for an apology from him directly to your daughter. i didn't mean my post above to sound like it was OK or should eb brushed aside. Just that it may not have been done with abusive intentions.


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## Mama2Bug (Feb 18, 2005)

I would believe her, even if I thought she was exaggerating or misremembering some of the hard facts. I wouldn't let her have play dates at that home anymore, though I doubt she will be invited back. I would also try to find her another girl scout troop to join. If the mother is the troop leader, I'd be afraid that she'll look unkindly on your DD from now on. Even if it isn't really overt, I don't think she'll be impartial toward your DD.


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## cloe (Jul 22, 2004)

No way I would let my child back there and I would probably change girl scout groups. Why would she lie? Coming from a family where my parents didn't believe me when I told them. I understand how hard to have your mom disbelieve you when you are telling the truth. I am still hurt today at how my mother discounts my fear as a child, and that was 30 years ago.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

the hole in this story for me is why is your friend letting a six year old swim without an adult's eyes on them? I'd be more worried that an adult left kids in a pool unsupervised than your dd got slapped, etc. It prbably wasn't a half hour, if I was six and had a friend over and she was locked up for a half hour I'd be bawling and wanting to play with her and very upset my brother kept her from me. And even a drunk parent would hear a six year old screaming no for a half hour?
Honestly it seems embellished time wise (probably wasn't a half hour) and if the story keeps changing...I wouldn't call the cops..


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## Mindy70 (Nov 1, 2004)

I tend to believe that something happened there that was not right, and I told her that I was very happy that she told me what happened and she should never be afraid to tell me when anything makes her uncomfortable.
If the kid was really, truly cruel or just kidding around, something spooked her.

I also did not want to question her too much: she told me that when we asked and asked her about it, she felt bad about herself, like "she" was the one that did a bad thing


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Even if I didn't believe my daughter's entire story in that situation (and I'm _not_ saying she's making anything up), I would be reluctant to let her go back there.

Reason: the mother's reaction. What kind of person "goes ballistic" when told something like this? Wouldn't any of us be appalled that something had happened to provoke that kind of reaction in a little girl? Wouldn't we be assuring the girl's mom that we would talk to the son and get to the bottom of this? It just doesn't sit right with me.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

But did she tell you just after waking in the middle of the night? Perhaps she was having a nightmare that was only loosely based on reality?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I'd call the girl scout council and try to get her switched to another troop. And absolutely I'd believe her.


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## evening start (Jun 2, 2008)

From another perspective: I remember when I was around that age I was invited to a play date with a friend of mine at her friend's house. I didn't know the other friend too well, and the way they played together made me feel really left out. On the way home my mom asked if I had had fun, and I said no. She asked why, and I didn't really have the vocabulary or understanding to explain why I hadn't enjoyed myself and so I made up a greatly exagerated story about being locked up and not allowed to tell adults that I wasn't having fun. I don't think I was conscientiously lying, I was expressing what it "felt" like using concrete experiences that hadn't really happened. I remember it so well because my mom discussed this with the other families and my friend got mad that I had lied about her friend. I have no idea if this is even close to what happened in your daughter's situation, but it could be that the older brother made her feel really uncomfortable in a subtle way that she does not have the words to truly explain, so she is using a more concrete description to represent her feelings. I would totally believe that she felt bullied and uncomfortable, in which case the details of what caused her to feel this way are less important than making sure she no longer feels this way if she goes to play at the friend's house. Rather than accusing the brother, maybe you could say to the mother that your daughter does not feel safe around him for some reason, and could you either schedule future play dates at your house, or at a time when the brother will not be home.


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

If this happened to my dd I would believe her. Also I would pull her out of her current girl scout troop and have her placed in another.

The whole truth really isn't that important to me. I don't think children wake up crying and telling lies out of nowhere. Maybe a part of the story is exaggerated, but something happened, and I'd rather lean on the side of my child.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Even if part of you thinks that she may be embellishing a little you have to believe her. I feel like supporting her feelings/emotions on this subject is important. I don't think I would call cops until I was sure of the truth.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cloe* 
No way I would let my child back there and I would probably change girl scout groups.

Yes, this.

Also, I must admit I'm kind of surprised that other parents let their 6 year olds go for playdates at peoples' homes without going along with them unless it's to a very close friend's house.

And didn't you say that some incident happened the last time your daughter went, something negative with this 19 year old previously?

Quote:

Older brother had on another occasion locked her up behind two baby gates and would not let her out of the room, and was taunting her and asking her "do you like that, huh? do you? do you like it?" and kept her locked up for 1/2 hour.

Older brother had chaesed her around and then smacked her across the face twice, playfully, but hard enough that it really hurt.
It's certainly time to start protecting your daughter from this 19 year old and this mother who doesn't seem to give a crap that her 19 year old son is tormenting little girls.

If you insist on letting your daughter go to this house again, make sure you are there the entire time and right by your daughter's side THE ENTIRE TIME, even in the washroom.


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## DariusMom (May 29, 2005)

I have a six year old DS.

I agree with the PP who related her own experience about making up stories to express her feelings.

My DS comes up with all sorts of things that I know, for a fact, are not true. They are loosely based on some sort of reality, but they are greatly embellished and, often, factually wrong. Part of it is the vocabulary thing, part is just that he likes to tell things as he would like them to be (a friendly nest of squirrels outside his window, the cat happily sleeping with him -- all things that he *like* to have happen, but don't).

I suspect in the OP's kid's case, something negative did happen, but I wouldn't necessarily count on all the details being accurate.

The main thing, though, is that the kid not go back if there's something negative going on. Maybe the other kid could come to OP's house to play?


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## DariusMom (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RiverSky* 
Yes, this.

Also, I must admit I'm kind of surprised that other parents let their 6 year olds go for playdates at peoples' homes without going along with them unless it's to a very close friend's house.

.











I do. It's part of the parenting culture where I live. I know the parents from DS' school, but i certainly don't feel the need to sit for a whole afternoon with people who aren't really my friends, and I wouldn't want to have to entertain another adult over at my place either, pleasant though we all are.

Some people have different comfort levels and, as I say, I think the parenting culture and expectations of different regions, cities, and countries can make a huge difference in how people feel about things.


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## angie7 (Apr 23, 2007)

I would definately believe my daughter.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

I would believe her as well. Even if the events got scrambled in her head there si something about this young man that frightens her or makes her scared.

BTW- What kind of 10 yo does that? It sounds like 11 year old behavior, not 19 year old.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mindy70* 
That night she woke up crying and told me that the following things had happened:

This is what DS does when he has a nightmare. There is not always a clear delineation between dreams and reality. Sometimes _I_ remember something then later realize that it took place in a dream.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I would believe your daughter...the consequences of not believing her could be devistating, emotionally and physically to her.

I personally would contact the scout headquarters requesting that meetings be held in public locations rather than people's houses first of all. Then your daughter could continue scouts and be in a more supervised location. And I would only allow playdates in public locations or in places where you would be able to go.


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## AndrewsMother (Jul 30, 2007)

At the age of six, I told my mom and Aunt that my Aunt's SIL only fed us peanut butter and jelly for two days while my cousin and I stayed with them. They took us to McDonalds instead of Captain D's, did not have any fun toys and made us go to the beauty salon with them, and left us with her son's baby sitter who was old and watched the soaps ALL.DAY while the SIL worked. We wanted to make sure that we never had to go back there, again.

We lied!

But my Aunt's 19 year old BIL use to pluck, tease and torment the girls, and provoked my male cousins to do the same.

I would not accuse the 19 year old of anything, but I would not allow my child to visit the home without my presence. Trust your instincts.

Maybe the brother locked the girls out his his room because they were annoying him?


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I let my 6y go over to friend's houses without me there. Sometimes I know the family well, other times I don't. I have 3 children, I can't always sit there the whole time when one has a friend to play with. I am cautious, I feel out the family, go with my gut and see how my child reacts around them.









That being said, my 6y has come up with some "stories" of events that are very real in her mind but not always close to what happened. Having dealt with severe nightmares for over a year now (anxiety related), events in her mind REALLY get mixed up at night, after sleeping. She has woken up in the middle of night saying things that I know 100% did not occur but she truly feels that they did.

I would be cautious around this family, it will tricky, like another poster said you don't want your DD feeling punished. The incidents at the playdate very well could of happen, they also might not of, you probably will never know. Play dates with this family should only occur with you there and in a different location. The Girl Scouts is a hard one and I don't know what to say about that one. If you switch troops then your DD will wonder why and may feel that it was something she did. I might lean towards staying in that troop but opting out of certain situations, but like I said that is a hard decision.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

i'd bellieve her,







to your dd


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

I wouldnt let her go back. But i also wonder where her 'friend' was during all this. If big brother was picking on my friend you can bet I would be going to get mom. Something definately sounds off about the whole thing and I would not be sending my DD back over there. I would probably change scout troops or find a different activity for this year.


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## New (May 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GuildJenn* 
I would believe her.

I would let her go to girl scouts IF I could also attend. If not, then no. My goal would be to keep her safe, first, and second to not make her feel punished. But the safety would come first. I would reinforce that telling was absolutely the right thing to do, that none of this is her fault, that it's a tough situation, and that my first job as a parent is to keep her safe but that we would try to do it so that she could still attend.

I wouldn't call the police about the slapping, despite temptation.

This.


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## ErikaG (Nov 12, 2005)

It's a tough situation...

I've got a brother who is nine years older than I am, and what you describe sounds like the kind of roughhousing and play we did growing up. And to be honest, at 34 and 43, we're still inclined towards messing with each other, though the last couple of times I've seen him I've been pregnant or had an infant with me.

I could see a 6 year old and a 19 year old engaging in that kind of play-my younger siblings weren't spared the rough play with my brother (they're 10 and 12 years younger than he is.) And I could see a six year old not communicating really clearly and well about having had enough of whatever the game was, and I could see a 19 year old not reading the six year old's signals well. I could also see how a six year old relaying the stories of what really happened at the playdate might be less than accurate...not in a deliberate or malicious way, but because of the way six year olds communicate. Similarly, you don't know what else was going on for the mother when you were trying to discuss with her what might have happened-you don't know if she'd just found out that the 19 year old failed English again, or that her partner overdrew the checking account, or whatever which might have been part of the "ballistic" behavior you described. Some people are good at controlling temper and others aren't.

I might limit playdates to my home or neutral spaces for a while, to see how the girls get along-if they're not getting along well, it's possible there was a little hyperbole involved so that she doesn't have to go back and play with that child again. I might offer to spend some time on projects with the scout troop to see how she gets along with the the mother, and with the rest of the troop. If you see problems or challenges there, then perhaps helping your child develop the vocabulary and skills to communicate clearly about them, and about what's going on and to make sure to keep the lines of communication open is something you could work on with her...and then address the issue of whether or not to continue with this Girl Scout troop or allow more playdates with this friend or in that environment. In other words-don't dismiss what you're daughter is saying, but investigate it carefully and gently before drawing a wrong conclusion, and then go from there.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shiloh* 
the hole in this story for me is why is your friend letting a six year old swim without an adult's eyes on them? I'd be more worried that an adult left kids in a pool unsupervised than your dd got slapped, etc.

She was supervised by an adult - the 19yo son was there. Regardless of anything else, she was not alone in the pool.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I would suspect that something between the exact situation that your child described and "nothing" happened. Sounds like the big brother was rougher than she liked and perhaps frightened her. And I Know that my 6 YO will give wildly differing versions of how much time has passed than is accurate. Both of my kids (6 and 9) will describe things with a strong sense of how they felt (so like they were a prisoner) even if that wasn't really the situation (someone was blocking them in play). Regardless, I would probably want to supervise Brownies for a bit if I could. And I would probably do some roleplaying/discussions with your child about how to respond whene bigger children and adults are playing/behaving in a way that makes her uncomfortable.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Quote:

She was supervised by an adult - the 19yo son was there. Regardless of anything else, she was not alone in the pool.
If I sent my kid to play at a friend's house I would assume a "responsible" adult was watching them. (how responsible does he sound?) I would assume it was my friend who would be supervising (except for a 2 minute pee break) unless asked if were okay that her 19 year old were to watch my dd in the pool KWIM?


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shiloh* 
If I sent my kid to play at a friend's house I would assume a "responsible" adult was watching them. (how responsible does he sound?) I would assume it was my friend who would be supervising (except for a 2 minute pee break) unless asked if were okay that her 19 year old were to watch my dd in the pool KWIM?

The life guard that pulled a splinter out of DS's foot at the lake a few weeks ago looked about 19 yo to me, and the swim instructor at the YMCA who taught the toddler swim class DS and I took seemed to be around 17. I'm pretty sure some of the Moms here on MDC started at around 19. Plenty of 19 yo are mature and responsible adults. Now I don't think I'd trust my 42 yo BIL to supervise kids at a pool, since he rough houses way too much, and I know my 38 yo DH couldn't since he can't swim at all.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Even if I didn't believe my daughter's entire story in that situation (and I'm _not_ saying she's making anything up), I would be reluctant to let her go back there.

Reason: the mother's reaction. What kind of person "goes ballistic" when told something like this? Wouldn't any of us be appalled that something had happened to provoke that kind of reaction in a little girl? Wouldn't we be assuring the girl's mom that we would talk to the son and get to the bottom of this? It just doesn't sit right with me.

Yes, this. My 17 year old loves his siblings, but at 6'3, I do have to remind him he is BIG and to be careful with them. He also torments them, always protesting that he was just playing and he IS but the them, its tormenting. I blame my xh, he played with ds1 that way. You know, tickling them, but they are past laughing and are starting to yell and cry, I have to MAKE him stop then his defense is, "he was laughing a minute ago" well, yes, but that was a minute ago.... teens are still kids too, kids with adult strength and delusions of maturity, haha. Seirously though, I think my teenager is a wonderful and basically caring and loving kids, but he can be too rough and insensitive with the little ones and I would NEVER leave him in charge of little kids in a swimming pool!!

I agree with whoever said that the kids being alone in the pool with him was a big issue. I agree. At that age, he could easily get distracted watching them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RiverSky* 
Yes, this.

Also, I must admit I'm kind of surprised that other parents let their 6 year olds go for playdates at peoples' homes without going along with them unless it's to a very close friend's house.

And didn't you say that some incident happened the last time your daughter went, something negative with this 19 year old previously?

It's certainly time to start protecting your daughter from this 19 year old and this mother who doesn't seem to give a crap that her 19 year old son is tormenting little girls.

If you insist on letting your daughter go to this house again, make sure you are there the entire time and right by your daughter's side THE ENTIRE TIME, even in the washroom.

My oldest starting going to his best friends house without me at age six. My dd is now six and I cannot image her doing it. I admit I was a nervous wreck the first time with ds, but I met the parents and where I am at, its normal at that age to do.

I would believe her that she is scared of the brother, regardless of if she has the facts straight or not and for me, that would be enough. I wouldnt pull her out of girl scouts though, thats punishing her, as long as you are there, nothing is going to happen at scouts. Her friends are all in that troupe, right? When my oldest was in boy scouts, I know that all parents were welcomed to stay at all meetings so hopefully its the same with girl scouts.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

I think the mother's response is odd. Why would she go ballastic? Regardless of how great I think a family member is if someone called me to tell me they had taunted/hurt a child I would immediatly sit down with all involved parties to get to the bottom of it.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

The mothers reaction is sending up flags to me. For someone to "go ballistic" during a sensitive discussion like this would make them unfit to be in charge of my kids. My kids do go and play at friends houses without me, starting at the beginning of their school career, but if I knew there was a pool I'd probably be more cautious.

As far as girl scouts goes, I've spent the last fifteen years as a leader for the Guide Association or Scout Association, plus another 11 years as a kid. Our regulations state that every pack, no matter how small, must have at least two adults there at all times in order to adequately supervise the children, that adults must have passed a police check and that generally, meetings take place in public spaces (church halls and the like.) With seriousness, these- particularly the leader to child ratios- are things that you might want to consider before pulling your daughter out of girl scouts or letting her stay. Another parent MIGHT be able to help cope with a crisis situation, but they might not.

(Of course, you could always train as a leader yourself... it's been a lot of fun for me







)


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shiloh* 
the hole in this story for me is why is your friend letting a six year old swim without an adult's eyes on them? I'd be more worried that an adult left kids in a pool unsupervised than your dd got slapped, etc. It prbably wasn't a half hour, if I was six and had a friend over and she was locked up for a half hour I'd be bawling and wanting to play with her and very upset my brother kept her from me. And even a drunk parent would hear a six year old screaming no for a half hour?
Honestly it seems embellished time wise (probably wasn't a half hour) and if the story keeps changing...I wouldn't call the cops..

ITA with this post. OP, does your DD have a very concrete sense of time? Can she generally accurately guess how much times has passed/ how long things take? I know that for DS at that age time was very fluid--- the same amount of time could be "hours" or "just a minute" depending on what was going on.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dandelionkid* 
But did she tell you just after waking in the middle of the night? Perhaps she was having a nightmare that was only loosely based on reality?

I haven't done this recently, but I definately have done this many times in the past. It was often around things that were causing me stress at the time. The emotions were real, but the actual specifics were not.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shiloh* 
If I sent my kid to play at a friend's house I would assume a "responsible" adult was watching them. (how responsible does he sound?) I would assume it was my friend who would be supervising (except for a 2 minute pee break) unless asked if were okay that her 19 year old were to watch my dd in the pool KWIM?

While some have said that the 19 year old is responsible, I would expect that to be mentioned if the 19 year old would be a significant caregiver. If the 19 year old was supervising in the pool *AND* alone with no intervention for 30 minutes (the gate issue) that is not what I would be picturing when leaving my 6 year old for a playdate. Sure, there are great 19 year old parents out there, and I wouldn't have an issue w/my kids having friends with very young parents (well, at this point it would be wierd with a 10 year old and an 8 year old--- a 19 year old would have been a VERY young parent) but they would still be the *parent.* There is a huge difference between even a very responsible sibling and a parent. When I leave my kids for a play date, I expect the parent I leave them with to be in charge all the time.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaG* 
.... And I could see a six year old not communicating really clearly and well about having had enough of whatever the game was, and I could see a 19 year old not reading the six year old's signals well.....

I could not see this happening. My 3 and 4 year old have absolutely no difficulty in telling their older half-brother who is 12 years old to STOP IT when he's being too rough, hurting their feelings, or otherwise doing something they don't want him to do to them. If/when he doesn't listen, they yell STOP IT louder and yell MOMMY.... Johnathan won't stop.... (fill in the blank) and he's not listening to me saying STOP IT!!! I can't imagine how if my 3 and 4 year old have this capacity, how a 6 year old could not as well.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

My kids went to their friends' houses at age six. I don't really see the problem with that.

When my oldest was almost 5, he told me that his dad had picked him up by his head and thrown him across the room. His dad was in the shower when he told me this, and he acted like it just happened. He must have been mad at his dad about _something_, but his dad has never so much as smacked his bottom, let alone thrown him by his head.

A few years later, my boys' dad had misplaced his wedding band, which he had to take off for work. DS2, who was then 5.5, told a story about having taken it outside to play with it, and he rolled it down the street and into the sewer. Two days later, it was found in the pocket of a pair of scrub pants.

Yes, kids need to be believed, if only to err on the side of caution. But they make up stories, tell tall tales, and lie.


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## Katwoman (Apr 15, 2004)

I'd absolutely believe that my DD was telling me she was uncomfortable with the 19 yo. But I would be very careful about just pulling her out of that girl scout troop and enrolling her in another. She stated she was afraid to tell you what was going on. She also stated she wants to see her friend. Putting her in another troop is going to feel like a punishment. If she wants to stay, I'd let her stay. But I would go with her to the meetings.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mindy70* 
I tend to believe that something happened there that was not right, and I told her that I was very happy that she told me what happened and she should never be afraid to tell me when anything makes her uncomfortable.
If the kid was really, truly cruel or just kidding around, something spooked her.

I also did not want to question her too much: she told me that when we asked and asked her about it, she felt bad about herself, like "she" was the one that did a bad thing









You did the right thing telling her you were happy she told you and that she can always tell you anything. What did you say when she said she felt bad?

Maybe you can now tell her that sometimes when things happen it isn't always easy to make everyone happy when you do the right thing. Remind her she definitely did the right thing, you want her to feel good about telling you, but that when people do bad things (not assuming every detail is true but SOMETHING bad happened), sometimes a lot of people feel uncomfortable as the facts come out. BUT also important to reinforce with her that when children do NOT tell about bad things, often things get even worse and it's always better to tell, even if you feel funny about it after.

How did you decide to handle the Girl Scout Troup thing? I think that as long as it's 100% understood that no older kids (your friend's 19 yr old son or ANYONE) will be around the girls then I'd let her go to meetings. I don't think I'd let her go on overnights though, because honestly I don't like the way your friend responded to your question. I always think a parent should if nothing else talk to their kid first before flat out saying "No, that didn't happen!". If she's the one in charge of the troup I would defnitely not let my daughter go on overnights unless I could be there as well.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I'm going to say the truth is somewhere inbetween the two ends.

My daughter NEVER lies. But, she does "overdramatize" a story. It's always a little worse when she tells it. Then, I would talk to a neutral person (her friend Christopher) and he would tell me something close to what my daughter said, only far less dramatic and malicious.

One time she told me that ALL the fifth grade girls were following her friend around the playground and yelling insults at her and making her cry. When we all got to the bottom of the story. (after much searching) it was five girls and they WERE making Alex cry... but, they weren't being as agressive as my daughter said they were.

So, I took all my daughter's stories... dialed them down a few notches and that's probably where the truth was.

HOWEVER, if my daughter said he was chasing her and locking her up... I would have definately believed that, and I would be doing some serious investigating, and I don't think I would allow my daughter to go over there alone anymore. I am fairly positive that this young man was acting inappropriate with your daughter. Even if it isn't as bad as it sounds, it' something. And, if your gut tells you something wrong, something is wrong.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

It wouldn't matter to me if she was telling the whole truth. Obviously something scared her over there, so I wouldn't let her go back.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Even if she is not totally accurate in what happened she is at the very least telling you that something about that 19yo boy made her scared and uncomfortable. No way would I let her over there alone again.


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## New (May 20, 2008)

Any update?


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