# hi



## alegna

Looks like I'll be here a bit. No heartbeat with doppler today. Doing an u/s on Tuesday to confirm.

Not sure how I feel yet.

Anyone had a 2nd trimester loss that wasn't physically painful? I've been bleeding off and on for a few weeks and had some clots last night, but no real cramping yet.

Not posting about it yet [out there] too many people know me IRL... not ready to deal yet.

-Angela


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## rmzbm

I'm sorry but I'm not sure what to say. But hugs always work. I'm very sorry & hope the U/S gives you good news.


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## alegna

Hugs are good. As a little kid I used to say "there's always a maybe"

And yeah, I suppose there is.

We tried twice with the doppler today and didn't find anything though.

-Angela


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## User101

Oh, alegna. You're in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Aurora

I am thinking of you.


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## thismama

alegna, i know we often disagree on different things, but i want you to know i am so sorry you are going thru this.







i will be thinking of you and your family.


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## widdlelou

Oh I'm so so sorry you are going through this.


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## alegna

Thanks all. It helps.

I just really don't want to have to go through telling people and having to deal with talking about it. ya know?

Just me and dh and I can deal, I just don't want to deal with anyone else.

-Angela


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## Clarinet

I admire you a lot. I'm sorry this is happening.


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## dziejen

You are in my thoughts tonight.


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## gretasmommy

Oh no!!!! I am so sorry!

With my first m/c, while I hadn't told many people, I still felt as though everyone knew. It was so hard - people give you that "look" - the I'm-so-sorry-for-you look. They mean well, I know. But it is so hard to get through the day when people remind you of what is always in your heart anyway.

When I did tell a few friends, I told them by first saying "I want to share this with you now, and never talk about it again unless i bring it up." Thye have been very respectful, and a few did bring over food, treats, and send cards, they never brought it up face-to-face. That made it easier to run into them in the grocery store, or at the office . . . .

This time, there are 2 nurses at the office who knew my labs initially (but not the last set, after the m/c) just because they came to them on their way to my doc. I don't know how long it will take for them to figure out my belly isn't growing . . . .and I just can't say those words at the office. Not if I intend to work the rest of the day.

I am so, so sorry for you. I hope you things move quickly and as painlessly as possible for you, and that you find comfort here in knowing that you are not alone. This place helped me maintain my sanity when I thought for sure I might give up. Take care of yourself.


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## liseux

I'm thinking about you too. I am so sorry you and your dh are going through this.


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## Mom4tot

alegna, I'm so sorry.


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## alegna

Thanks all. I'm super-paranoid and don't tell people early... you'd think by this point it would be less likely (well, it is of course, but less likely doesn't matter if it's you...) I was around 17 weeks when I started spotting. 20 weeks now...

I'm hoping that I can get word to enough people that everyone will just not say anything... ya know?

-Angela


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## Kathryn

Oh hon.







: I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I was about 13 weeks when I had my miscarriage.


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## Kathryn

Also, if the baby is 17-20 weeks in size, (and even if not) it may be helpful to you to possibly have a photographer from www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com come out and take pictures of the baby with you.


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## alegna

Thanks. I just want to fast forward through the next few weeks. I can get by then.

sigh.

feeling petty for the things I'm sad about.

-Angela


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## Kathryn

Feeling petty? Care to elaborate?


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## mamaverdi

It's okay to feel sad. It's not petty; no matter what you are sad about.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kathryn* 
Also, if the baby is 17-20 weeks in size, (and even if not) it may be helpful to you to possibly have a photographer from www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com come out and take pictures of the baby with you.

My feeling is that the baby must have stopped growing awhile back. We'll see what the u/s looks like. I had some clots this morning, none anywhere big enough for 17 weeks, but could have been something much earlier.

thanks for the idea though.

-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kathryn* 
Feeling petty? Care to elaborate?

not up for it tonight...







: thanks though. I'll be back when I'm feeling more with it.

-Angela


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## Kathryn

: We're all here whenever you need us. Don't ever feel bad for the way you're feeling.


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## jaye

I'm sorry.









I miscarried at 17 weeks. Hoped to deliver but ended up having to have a d&c. I hated telling people but it was my second pregnancy and I was already big so a lot of people knew.









I hope the next few weeks go by as quickly and painlessly as possible. Take it easy. I'm really sorry.


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## emma_goldman

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Clarinet* 








I admire you a lot.

I second that. Sorry, Angela. I'm thinking of you.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers


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## zjande

Oh Alegna! I'm so sorry to hear!!







:














: You were my almost-cycle-buddy on the One Thread & I've checked up on you & your ddc several times since.... Man, I'm sincerely sorry to hear that you are going through this. Big fat hugs to you.


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## Parker'smommy

Hey Angela...

BIG HUGS to you and your dh.

I lost my baby at 20 weeks just 6 weeks ago today. I was already bleeding, without pain when we discovered she was gone. I then delivered the baby, and I wasn't up to waiting it out at home and delivering a stillborn child on my own so I was induced and delivered her about 13 hours later at the hospital.The staff was pretty awesome and they took pictures for us, got footprints of her tiny feet, had a priest come and do a blessing and gave us this memory box with the all of the before mentioned stuff plus a knit cap they put on her and the tape they measured her with. It was heartwrenching, and of course, I'm not "over it". I understand your feelings of keeping it to yourself. I didn't answer the phone for 2 weeks. I just wasn't up to the "real world" I'm in therapy to help me deal with the loss and it's helping. We had the baby cremated and she is with us, which has helped imensely. A group of friends also got us a g/c for a local nursery and we are going to go and get a tree to plant in her memory.

Be gentle with yourself. I'm thinking of you and will continue to think of you in the next weeks. You don't know me Angela, but I've really admired you and your posts in the breastfeeding forums the last year or so. You are good people. HUGS!!


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## gossamer

Wow, I am so sorry Angela. Please let us know how the Ultrasound goes. When I was pregnant with Mary Rose at 16 weeks, the Nurse and Dr. both couldn't find the heartbeat and then the Dr. couldn't find her by Ultrasound either. He kept asking me if I still felt pregnant. I had no idea if I did or not. His officemate finally came in and found her by ultrasound and at that time, everything was fine with her. Whatever the outcome on Tuesday, we are here for you. If you want additional information about support here in town, pm me.
Gossamer


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## heatherh

Aw geez. So bummed to see you over here







:


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## DreamsInDigital

Oh Angela, I'm so sorry. I've been hoping that the bleeding was nothing. I'm keeping hope alive for your U/S.


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## rmzbm

ALL pregnancies come with hopes and dreams for the future...how you could feel petty about this is...I dunno...please don't!


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## jazzharmony

Angela


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## alegna

Thanks all. We'll see how Tuesday goes. My gut feel at this point is that the baby has been gone for quite a while.

-Angela


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## alegna

ohh, a question- anyone know how long a pee stick test will test positive? My midwife didn't know and suggested doing one. I figured it would take awhile to taper off and it did still test + ...

-Angela


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## KrystalC

A pregnancy test will show positive as long as your HCG levels remain around 25 depending on the sensitivity of the test you use. The rate at which hormone levels drop after a loss varies widely.

I totally understand not wanting to talk to people about it. It's so hard to keep answering the "What happened?" question over and over again. I think it was one of the hardest things for me to deal with after my miscarriage - having to relive it constantly with well-meaning people saying things like "It wasn't meant to be", "Well, at least you didn't have a baby with serious disabilities", and the worst - "You're still young. At least you can have fun trying again!"

I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## aileen

i'm so sorry angela.
i'm so sad.
aileen







:


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## alegna

Thanks all. I'm at the point of hoping for either end of the spectrum- that this was one of those freak times and babe hid from doppler (knowing this is *highly* unlikely... but theoretically possible) or that baby has been gone awhile and maybe even that I'm mostly through passing stuff. I just don't want this to go on and on....

-Angela


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## rmzbm

I know that you were specific about when you began TTCing...but is there ANY chance you're less pg. than you think? I seem to recall you having a bunch of negs. before the pos. Trying to cover all possibilities. Just wondering if that may be the reason for the inability to find the HB.

It's not over yet...keep listening to kid alegna: "There's always a maybe."

Try to keep busy until Tues. You have FAR more strength than I do.


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## SamuraiMom

Hi Angela, I feel for you and what you are going through right now. It's been almost 3 months since we lost our son @ 23 weeks. He actually stopped developing around 16 weeks. Thankfully I got to m/c @ home with the assistance of my MW and my BF. I know what you are dealing with haveing to tell people. I am still running into people who haven't seen me since before January. I feel as though the grapevine failed me. In time I know that you will find the strength within you to be able to talk and tell those that you know IRL what has happened. But don't worry about other people right now, just take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Quote:

I think it was one of the hardest things for me to deal with after my miscarriage - having to relive it constantly with well-meaning people saying things like "It wasn't meant to be", "Well, at least you didn't have a baby with serious disabilities", and the worst - "You're still young. At least you can have fun trying again!"
I can't stand when people say things like this, it's all inappropriate, but people never know what to say. I think my MIL said all of these things in one breath after my last m/c.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
I know that you were specific about when you began TTCing...but is there ANY chance you're less pg. than you think? I seem to recall you having a bunch of negs. before the pos. Trying to cover all possibilities. Just wondering if that may be the reason for the inability to find the HB.

It's not over yet...keep listening to kid alegna: "There's always a maybe."

Try to keep busy until Tues. You have FAR more strength than I do.









No chance at all. We set the date by the + preg. test instead of LMP (which moved the due date later by a week)

-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SamuraiMom* 
But don't worry about other people right now, just take care of yourself.

Thanks. Unfortunately due to timing, I HAVE to tell other people now. I'm running a huge tournament on Saturday with tons of really great people who care and will ask about the pregnancy. I need to head off as much of that as possible for ME to deal. So come more information on Tuesday, I've got to tell a bunch of people (wow- where's the guide on sending out THAT email...) in the hopes that enough will know by Saturday to give me some peace.

-Angela


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## mamaverdi

Angela, were you able to reach the ultrasonographer? Does Chris use her? Cuz usually she could have met you on Saturday. I know Carol has her cel #, and I probably do too.







Is Tuesday the earliest she had or the earliest you could go?


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## alegna

Yeah, we got ahold of her yesterday. (Chris had her cell #) She seemed really busy and distracted. Said the first thing she had was Tuesday evening. At least it's right over here by me (though I would have gladly gone across town...)

thanks,

-Angela


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## mamaverdi

Do you have an Gyn from previously in your life? Someone should be able to fit you in before that.


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## alegna

No. At this point I'm okay with waiting until Tuesday. It's not that far off and it takes more emotional energy for me to deal with people than to wait- does that make any sense?

-Angela


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## rmzbm

I know that your more patient than the average bear, but you CAN always just show up at the ER.
I'd be beating their door down, but I get neurotic about things like this. (Hence, my comment about being stronger than me...*sigh*)


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## rmzbm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
No. At this point I'm okay with waiting until Tuesday. It's not that far off and it takes more emotional energy for me to deal with people than to wait- does that make any sense?

-Angela

OK...scratch my last post.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
I know that your more patient than the average bear, but you CAN always just show up at the ER.
I'd be beating their door down, but I get neurotic about things like this. (Hence, my comment about being stronger than me...*sigh*)

Yeah, see my crossposted post about dealing with people taking more emotional energy for me







I'd rather hole up at home for a WEEK than deal with ER and unknowns....

-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
OK...scratch my last post.


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## mamaverdi

The ER actually wouldn't treat you badly. Especially at St Luke's. If you just came in and said that you started bleeding and you're 20 weeks. All they would do is an u/s. Tell them your midwife asked you to come. (They'll assume it's a Luke's midwife.)

But yeah, I understand the emotional energy involved in doing something else. Absolutely. Though it's totally screwed J. for the moment in terms of our ped becoming a complete







idiot. Had I switched back in Aug when I knew I should have, I could have saved myself a lot MORE headaches, pain, grief, rage, fear. And I've have more answers by now.

Hopefully that kind of thing won't even apply here. Sorry just a little tangeant.


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## rmzbm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I'd rather hole up at home for a WEEK than deal with ER and unknowns....

See, now that right there. I cannot tell you how much I admire that. That's why I have the problems I do in my "obstetrical past" that you don't. I think I really AM neurotic...I can't deal with things...my nerves are already shot. You're my birthing hero, really, and SO the last person that deserves this. (Of course, noone does!)








Enough derailing...I'm not giving up yet, positive baby vibes are still coming your way.


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## rmzbm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaverdi* 
The ER actually wouldn't treat you badly. Especially at St Luke's. If you just came in and said that you started bleeding and you're 20 weeks. All they would do is an u/s. Tell them your midwife asked you to come.









:
The only real drawback for someone like you is you MAY have to sit there a REALLY long time...and you genuinly sound like you just aren't up for that.


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## GooeyRN

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no idea how to let everyone know. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping and praying your baby is just hiding.


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## mamaverdi

If you go in the middle of the night, then usually you don't wait. They don't bring accidents to that hospital FWIW. If you go during the day, you would probably wait. You can also call and ask how busy they are.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
See, now that right there. I cannot tell you how much I admire that. That's why I have the problems I do in my "obstetrical past" that you don't. I think I really AM neurotic...I can't deal with things...my nerves are already shot. You're my birthing hero, really, and SO the last person that deserves this. (Of course, noone does!)








Enough derailing...I'm not giving up yet, positive baby vibes are still coming your way.









Awww, thanks. I know I somehow deal with crap remarkably well...







Just part of the weirdness that is me...

-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 







:
The only real drawback for someone like you is you MAY have to sit there a REALLY long time...and you genuinly sound like you just aren't up for that.

Yeah. Not worth it to me. Not worth the going, parking, waiting, explaining, blah blah blah. Finding out now vs. Tuesday won't make any difference either way.

-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GooeyRN* 
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no idea how to let everyone know. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping and praying your baby is just hiding.









Thanks. It's always theoretically possible. Stranger things have happened.

-Angela


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## mommysusie

So sorry to hear about what has happened. I just want to let you know that when I was 15 weeks with my last pregnancy they couldn't find the heartbeat and had to do an ultrasound to get one. Just a thought.
I hope that if everything is as you suspect that it will go by quickly for you. I lost a baby at 19 weeks last August and remember wanting to return to normal as soon as possible.
Hugs and prayers to you.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommysusie* 
I lost a baby at 19 weeks last August and remember wanting to return to normal as soon as possible.
Hugs and prayers to you.

If you don't mind- how long did it take? How erm, uncomfortable was it?

thanks,

-Angela


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## mommysusie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
If you don't mind- how long did it take? How erm, uncomfortable was it?

thanks,

-Angela

Well, I did it a way that I would never do it again. I waited a week after I found out that the baby had died (he had been dead for about 2 weeks at that point) so I went into the hospital and had them induce me. At that time, I just couldn't deal with having my dead baby inside me any longer and I thought this was the best approach.
Well, after the induction, I labored for 20 hours of hard labor. It was "real" labor, nothing half-way. It was as intense as it was when I delivered my first. I am glad that I did decline the D&C and finally 2 hours after I delivered the baby, I delivered the placenta.
After it was over, I only bled like I was having a light period. The next month when I had my first period, it was very strong with lots of clots.
Now, if I had to do this over or if I ever have to face this again, I am going to wait for nature to take it's course and deliver at home. The mental trauma of having to be in the L&D ward at the hospital almost killed me emotionally.
I hope this helped a little. Please just remember, that it does in fact get easier with time, I'm living proof, I literally couldn't see myself putting one foot in front of the other after it was over, but my desire to have a baby helped me move forward and focus on getting pregnant again. I gave myself 3 months for my body to heal and got pregnant the first month we tried.


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## Synchro246

I'm sorry


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## gretasmommy

Back to the "how to tell people" part . . . is there anyway you could tell a few key people who could spread the word, including the part where you tell them you in no way want to talk about it at this event? It was so hard to be at work, and have the few who knew come up and say how sorry they were. I was trying so hard to put on the happy face and get done what needed to get done. Every night I broke down and cried the moment I walked through the door, but I wanted to be "strong" when I was out in public and part of that was to not talk about it - the emotions would catch me by surprise otherwise.

Clearly, I have control issues, though







. You seem to be handling this wonderfully, and are even able to be patient - you are a much stronger woman than I!!!!

Take care, sending you positive thoughts for Tuesday evening!


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## WaturMama

Also on the how to tell people part, here's my story with it in case it helps. I didn't mind talking about it (usually), but found the telling of the news too sad and upsetting. I tried to think of everyone I'd told and sent a mass e-mail, in which I told them the news and that I was usually okay to talk about it but didn't like to tell the news. I think people are pretty forgiving. I got sweet emails in return that were nice to deal with on my own terms at home, and my brother called 4 days later. I liked that the email spared me having people ask about the pg, and having to rack my brain when I ran into someone to think if I told them.

So in case it helps, I say yes to the mass e-mail announcement and know that you'll have a lot of leeway.

And, my hope is that Tuesday comes and this turns out to be a weird blip in your pregnancy story. Either way all my good wishes.


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## Raven

((((hugs)))) I'm thinking of you.


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## chrissy

angela, i am so terribly sorry that you are going through this. i wanted to comment on something you said earlier, about your thoughts being so petty. when i miscarried last year, one thing that kept making me feel so sad was that now i wouldn't get to make matching red and white striped longies for all three of my kiddos for christmas. i felt so weird and strange for being sad about that but for some reason i was. anyway, i'm not sure if that is the kind of petty thing you were talking about, but just wanted to share my own petty thoughts with you.

sometimes we grieve in what seems like odd ways.

again, i'm so sorry. i am still holding out hope for you on tuesday.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommysusie* 
Well, I did it a way that I would never do it again. I waited a week after I found out that the baby had died (he had been dead for about 2 weeks at that point) so I went into the hospital and had them induce me. At that time, I just couldn't deal with having my dead baby inside me any longer and I thought this was the best approach.
Well, after the induction, I labored for 20 hours of hard labor. It was "real" labor, nothing half-way. It was as intense as it was when I delivered my first. I am glad that I did decline the D&C and finally 2 hours after I delivered the baby, I delivered the placenta.
After it was over, I only bled like I was having a light period. The next month when I had my first period, it was very strong with lots of clots.
Now, if I had to do this over or if I ever have to face this again, I am going to wait for nature to take it's course and deliver at home. The mental trauma of having to be in the L&D ward at the hospital almost killed me emotionally.
I hope this helped a little. Please just remember, that it does in fact get easier with time, I'm living proof, I literally couldn't see myself putting one foot in front of the other after it was over, but my desire to have a baby helped me move forward and focus on getting pregnant again. I gave myself 3 months for my body to heal and got pregnant the first month we tried.


Wow- that sounds awful







Yeah, I'm staying home unless I'm in fear for my life (infection or blood loss)

thanks for the support.

-Angela


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## Katana

I just wanted to give you some
















I'm sorry, mama.









I'm thinking of you.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gretasmommy* 
Back to the "how to tell people" part . . . is there anyway you could tell a few key people who could spread the word, including the part where you tell them you in no way want to talk about it at this event? It was so hard to be at work, and have the few who knew come up and say how sorry they were. I was trying so hard to put on the happy face and get done what needed to get done. Every night I broke down and cried the moment I walked through the door, but I wanted to be "strong" when I was out in public and part of that was to not talk about it - the emotions would catch me by surprise otherwise.

Clearly, I have control issues, though







. You seem to be handling this wonderfully, and are even able to be patient - you are a much stronger woman than I!!!!

Take care, sending you positive thoughts for Tuesday evening!

Thanks- at this point what I'm going to do is send an email to the board, a smaller group- to let them know and hope that they can get the word out and shelter me a bit...

we'll see if it actually works that way.

-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WaturMama* 
Also on the how to tell people part, here's my story with it in case it helps. I didn't mind talking about it (usually), but found the telling of the news too sad and upsetting. I tried to think of everyone I'd told and sent a mass e-mail, in which I told them the news and that I was usually okay to talk about it but didn't like to tell the news. I think people are pretty forgiving. I got sweet emails in return that were nice to deal with on my own terms at home, and my brother called 4 days later. I liked that the email spared me having people ask about the pg, and having to rack my brain when I ran into someone to think if I told them.

So in case it helps, I say yes to the mass e-mail announcement and know that you'll have a lot of leeway.

And, my hope is that Tuesday comes and this turns out to be a weird blip in your pregnancy story. Either way all my good wishes.


oh thanks- that's perfect. If I can make that work- perfect. I figure we have to tell my parents and dh's mom and everyone else we can email.

I hate difficult news in person and hate the phone even more. Email is my best friend.

-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chrissy* 
angela, i am so terribly sorry that you are going through this. i wanted to comment on something you said earlier, about your thoughts being so petty. when i miscarried last year, one thing that kept making me feel so sad was that now i wouldn't get to make matching red and white striped longies for all three of my kiddos. i felt so weird and strange for being sad about that but for some reason i was. anyway, i'm not sure if that is the kind of petty thing you were talking about, but just wanted to share my own petty thoughts with you.

again, i'm so sorry. i am still holding out hope for you on tuesday.

Thanks. It does help. Honestly the most upsetting part right now is that I'm a control freak and this does not fit the PLANS. Arg.

-Angela


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## Kleine Hexe

Well, crap. I've been thinking of you for weeks now. I'm sorry this has happened. You're amazing, you know that?


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kleine Hexe* 
Well, crap. I've been thinking of you for weeks now. I'm sorry this has happened. You're amazing, you know that?









I don't know about amazing... stubborn as hell....









sigh.

-Angela


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## rmzbm

How's DH dealing?

---I vote amazingly stubborn, can I do that?


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
How's DH dealing?

---I vote amazingly stubborn, can I do that?









Dh is dealing very well. If it was up to him he might even wait on the u/s







At this point he's saying whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Outside chance there is a super sneaky little bugger in there. Most likely this was not meant to be. So we will deal.

Have I mentioned he's super?









Yeah, you can vote for stubborn!









-Angela


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## orangefoot

Oh Angela, I was just thinking about you and Savannah and the potty thing.

No advice or wisdom - just more thoughts


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## widdlelou

Well I know you already have a plan. But for my boards I did the quick email, then for the people who knew (b/c my family has big fat mouths







) I found one person from each major circle of friends and told them to please inform the others... I was still kind of cloudy and nausiated over the whole ordeal so basically I was like, tell them whatever you want to just let them know so they could pass on the word and I dont' have to. It made it way easier. But I did I sat down and made a list of all that knew, and gave that list out. There were one or two people who jsut didnt know yet like a neighbor who I saw me gagging one day in my yard taking groceries out and so she knew, and we have really nosy baggers at the grocery (all retired people) and they alwasy comment on my groceries and made a comment on the two packs of HPTS and then the next time I was in asked how the big test went and so I had to inform him, and each time was like another big wave crashing into my stomach and it took the breath away each time and .... to get it over with the quickest most painless way (how tactful it should be a nonissue) for you to say it, so that you dont have to be reminded over and over again.


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## Science Mom

Angela,
I am so truly sorry for the trial you and your husband are enduring. I wish there was something I could say that could comfort you but I am at a loss. Please accept my kind wishes and warm thoughts.

Sincerely, Science Mom


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## onlyboys

Oh God.

I'm so sorry. I was really thinking previa.









Be gentle with yourself.


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## ferretfan

so very sorry. i couldnt read and not offer some supportive words, from one ferret fan to another. you sound like you are dealing with this in an exemplary manner. i wish you and your loved ones peace and comfort during this difficult time.


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## ecoteat

I noticed your signature changed in a carseat thread and hoped it wasn't bad news...until I found you here. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Obviously I don't *know* you, but I can tell you are a strong person--I hope you can deal with what is happening with peace.


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## runes

oh, angela.









thinking of you...


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## alegna

Thanks all. Just in waiting mode now.

-Angela


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## thismama




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## Cutie Patootie

Oh man.







I just saw this...and you are over in co-ops loving up on me?







I am thinking of you and sending postive thoughts for Tuesday.


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## alegna

Hey, a girl can be thankful for nuts anytime, right?









I don't know if I'm hopeful for Tuesday or not.

FWIW I haven't spotted at all today, but that's happened before... who the freak knows at this point.

I'm just hoping that if the baby is gone, he's long gone and I'm mostly through this.

If he's still in there that everything is hunky dory and I get to be a freak of nature once more









thanks to everyone for the thoughts.

-Angela


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## Parker'smommy

Angela, I just wanted to mention that if you go to the hospital and you are 20 weeks or over, you don't have to wait in the ER. You go straight to L&D. They will check right away with an u/s. You will not have to wait. And then you can decide what to do from there. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. My OB gave me the option to leave and deliver at home, I declined and labored at the hosptial. But I did have the option. You will too.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this...many of us here have gone through almost exactly the same thing as you are going through right now. We are here for you.


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## mamamoo

Oh mama.





















Just for the record. I have a friend here in town who's baby was a hider, and they could not find the hb on doppler intil after 21 weeks. Thinking of you and hoping there is good news at your u/s.


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## ashleep

s mama. I'll be thinking about you.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Parker'smommy* 
Angela, I just wanted to mention that if you go to the hospital and you are 20 weeks or over, you don't have to wait in the ER. You go straight to L&D. They will check right away with an u/s. You will not have to wait. And then you can decide what to do from there. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. My OB gave me the option to leave and deliver at home, I declined and labored at the hosptial. But I did have the option. You will too.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this...many of us here have gone through almost exactly the same thing as you are going through right now. We are here for you.

Thanks for the info. But since I'm in for Tuesday that's MUCH less stressful for me....









-Angela


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamamoo* 
Oh mama.





















Just for the record. I have a friend here in town who's baby was a hider, and they could not find the hb on doppler intil after 21 weeks. Thinking of you and hoping there is good news at your u/s.























Yeah, sounds like it's possible. I just can't get my hopes up again right now, ya know?

-Angela


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## Mearaina

Oh, Angela, I'm sorry to see you here. I had a missed m/c in '05 and there was about 6 weeks between development ceasing and the actual m/c. I didn't know that whole time, but I found the waiting to be healing. It let me hold on the the baby just a little bit longer, and allowed me to start to prepare to say good bye. Hugs to you, mama, and I really hope your baby is just hiding out in there.


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## mamabearsoblessed

Oh Angela. I am so sorry.

Many







to you.
You are in my thoughts.


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mearaina* 
Oh, Angela, I'm sorry to see you here. I had a missed m/c in '05 and there was about 6 weeks between development ceasing and the actual m/c. I didn't know that whole time, but I found the waiting to be healing. It let me hold on the the baby just a little bit longer, and allowed me to start to prepare to say good bye. Hugs to you, mama, and I really hope your baby is just hiding out in there.

If you don't mind- what was the physical process like? I'm thinking that is probably the case here.

thanks for the good thoughts.

-Angela


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## 2sweetboysmom

Angela-----







I am sending peaceful thoughts and prayers your way.
I hope that Tuesdays u/s will clear up any questions and ambiguities, so that you may move forward in peace.

--Joy


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## Mearaina

Well, mine was much earlier then yours - 1st trimester - but I found the process to be very gentle. All that extra time in there allowed the placenta to break into pieces before it came out. I bled for about 11 days before the m/c, and had light bleeding after for a week or so. My cycle returned less then a month later, but I wouldn't say it was back to normal until 3 months later. I had a cramp the day before the m/c, and the next day I had 3 cramps and felt something come out. And that was it. Very easy and gentle (at least physically). The cramping was mild - I was folding laundry throughout. With me, even though the baby didn't develop the placenta did, so it was fairly large by then. Some woman experience a lot of blood loss so bad they have to go to the hospital, but I was rather fortunate in that regard.


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## lrlittle

Angela- Many hugs to you. I'm so sorry. Let me know if there's anything I or the group can do for you guys.


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## alegna

Thanks. I'm pretty much waiting to tell everyone IRL until after Tuesday when we know more for sure.

-Angela


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## lrlittle

Sure, I understand. Will be thinking about you tomorrow.


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## mamamoo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Yeah, sounds like it's possible. I just can't get my hopes up again right now, ya know?

-Angela









I can imagine. When I had my m/c I found out at 12 weeks that the baby didn't make it past 7.5 weeks(I know mine was much earlier, I can't imagine what you are going through now...), and I didn't actually miscarry until about 15 weeks(well, I would have been 15 weeks). Mine was pretty painful. There is a whole thread dedicated to the details of miscarriage/loss, some of them are later losses, most are 1st trimester, I believe. I would wait to read them til you find out what is going on though...maybe?
Thinking of you mama.


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## alegna

Thanks. I figured there was a thread here somewhere - haven't gone looking yet though.

-Angela


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## supermuma

I just wanted to send you more







s.


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## mamamoo

It's a sticky Angela, so if oyu need it, it's there, easy to find.


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## lyttlewon

I wanted to add my hugs for you and your DH


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## chlobo

Angela,

So sorry you are going through this. I had a loss last year at 11 weeks and that was bad enough. Hugs.


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## twilight girl

Angela,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's okay to hibernate for awhile and not talk to anyone about anything, until you feel ready. Find somebody who can run block for you until you're feeling stronger.

I know there's nothing to say, except to offer you hugs, and say be gentle with yourself.

Judi


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## pookel

I'm so sorry. I've been thinking of you for the last few weeks and hoping everything would be OK.


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## Maela

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.


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## MsElle07

Sending strength and peace your way.


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## Wugmama

s


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## alegna

Thanks all. Feeling really in limbo today. But not too torn up if that makes any sense.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

-Angela


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## alegna

Warning tiny vent ahead:

Just feeling frustrated. I don't like waiting. I don't mind pregnancy- have mild easy pregnancies (well so far- ha) MS is just queasies for me. Didn't puke either time. I just don't like waiting. I don't want to have to start the waiting all over again. And waiting to wait before that. Damnit I was supposed to have a baby in August. That's what I planned.

Feeling more pissy than sad at the moment- reserving the right to totally change moods at any moment.

-Angela


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## Kleine Hexe

All emotions welcome


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## fenwickmama

s


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## Daisie125

I'm so sorry to hear this, I've had two m/c rather early in the second tri, but both of them were much earlier missed m/c. (Unfortunatly still more physically painful than a full term birth)

I hope you receive good news tomorrow, and if not I hope things move quickly for you physically and emotionally.


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## alegna

thanks

-Angela


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## rmzbm

I'm a control freak too...I get it.

Have some love, on the house...































I'd offer more but my smilie speak is limited, darn it!


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## atrain

I am so sorry. I know how hard this waiting can be we lost our first dd at 18 weeks.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama

Angela,
I've been following your threads on your bleeding and *really* hoped you would not have to join us here. All losses are different in terms of what physically happens so I hope that yours is as gentle as possible.

FWIW, I've had a stillbirth and a m/c and my m/c was missed. Another poster in this thread said something about the wait time being healing and that was true for me as well. I cherished the time that I had, even it was only 11 weeks. I hope that the next few days will bring you some healing and peace as you try to piece together what happened.









Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I'm always a PM away if you'd like to talk or ask questions.


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## alegna

thank you.

-Angela


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## Yuba_River

So sorry this is happening. I'll continue to send peaceful and healing thoughts your way.


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## InDaPhunk




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## alegna

So we're scheduled for 7pm tomorrow, though it may be a bit after as she said they've got a bunch.

Happy thoughts. Or at least thoughts of resolution.

thanks,

-Angela


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## heatherh

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
waiting to wait before that. Damnit I was supposed to have a baby in August. That's what I planned.

I so understand this.


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## farmama

oh, angela.









thinking good thoughts for you. take care of yourself.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

You have been in my thoughts and prayers. I will be keeping you in my thoughts today as you go for the u/s.














:


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## rmzbm

I continue sending happy thoughts...








I'm withholding the resolution thoughts as I am an eternal optimist...but reserve the right to send them in bulk if you need them later tonight.

Will be thinking of you...


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## KrystalC

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you at least get some closure - one way or the other. Of course, I'm certainly hoping this is just one stubborn babe!


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## mommysusie

I'm thinking of you today.


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## mamaverdi




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## Aeress

I woke up this morning wondering what time your ultrasound was and I see it is tonight. *hugs* We are thinking of you!


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## crissei

You're in my thoughts today, wishing you well Angela.


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## alegna

thanks all.

-Angela


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## mamaverdi

You're awake early. How are you doing?


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## chrissy

keeping you in my thoughts today.


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## alegna

Just kind of plodding along today. Savannah woke up early this morning (might have had something to do with the 3 hour nap yesterday







)

Mostly dreading telling my parents, which we will basically have to do immediately after the u/s. Sigh.

-Angela


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## mamaverdi

Do they not know anything is up?


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## alegna

They know about the spotting- but not Saturday's stuff. As mentioned, I hate telling people... sigh.

-Angela


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## mamamoo

Telling people would be hard.







Hopefully it will be good news. Still have my hopes up for you since I know you can't at this point. So many







s for you.


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## alegna

There's always a maybe! I just can't let myself hope right now. I'd rather have a happy surprise.

-Angela


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## Momsteader

Thinking of you today Angela.


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## ap mom

Oh, Angela... I am so sorry that you're going through this. I can only imagine all the different emotions you must be feeling right now. You are in my prayers today.


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## ferretfan

been thinking of you all day........


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## SweetTeach

I'm very sorry to hear that you are having to deal with the possible loss of your baby. It's so unfair.
ST


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## HoosierDiaperinMama

Angela,
I'm sure you don't feel like talking much, but how did everything go tonight? I've been thinking of you all day.


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## Daisie125

Thinking of you too


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## alegna

blighted ovum. measures 12 weeks. empty.

now more waiting....

-Angela


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## Stacymom

Oh mama,

I'm so sorry. I went through the exact same thing 3 weeks ago today. It's so hard. You're in my thoughts as you decide what to do next.


----------



## LavenderMae

Angela, I am truly sorry.







I hope you don't have to wait much longer.


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## chrissy

i am so very sorry for your loss angela. i hope the telling people part is not as bad as you fear. let yourself grieve however it comes.


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## gretasmommy

I am so sorry , Angela. I was really hoping for surprisingly good news tonight.

Take care. I have heard that accupuncture and some blue and black cohosh can be helpful.

Thinking of you, wishing you a short path to resolution and recovery.


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## lrlittle

So, so sorry. I'll be thinking about you guys.


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## mamamoo

Oh mama. I am so very very sorry.


----------



## thismama

I'm sorry.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X




----------



## Aliviasmom

I'm sooo sorry!







s


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## alegna

Will be talking to the midwife about some herbal stuff. We won't go medical unless there's a reason.

thanks all,

-Angela


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## aileen

i'm so sorry.
even once i knew my pregnancy was over, i wanted to find a baby so badly. it can be lonely the experience of a blighted ovum. the grief is difficult to place, or name. i've never been more shocked than finding that empty perfect sac and placenta. i'm so sorry.
if you need to talk about how it might go, i had a natural miscarriage at home at around thirteen weeks with a blighted ovum - earlier, different stage, but still, please, let me know.


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## mamabearsoblessed

Oh Angela.







I'm so sorry. Many







.


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## Clarinet




----------



## Aeress

I am so sorry!!!!


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## janebug

much love to you dear. we just lost our little one in january, right around 13 weeks, so my heart hears yours.


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## ashleep




----------



## alegna

thanks

-Angela


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## clavicula

hey, Angela,
you gave me so many great and useful advices (bfing, no-vaxxing, co-sleeping, etc.) here. just saw what happened, i am so sorry for your loss! i hope you do not have to wait too long and get over it soon!


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## HoosierDiaperinMama

I'm so sorry your body has let you down.







The loss part of it is bad enough but then to find out that there is nothing there has to be even more devastating. Much love and peace to you, Angela.







s


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## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HoosierDiaperinMama* 
I'm so sorry your body has let you down.







The loss part of it is bad enough but then to find out that there is nothing there has to be even more devastating. Much love and peace to you, Angela.







s

Actually I don't feel let down by my body at all. This just wasn't meant to be. My body is still chugging right along







I just have to get it to let go.

With dd I had a huge placenta... hoping this one hasn't had time to get too big... but comes out nice and intact....

-Angela


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## ikesmom

I didn t read about your loss until today. I had a crimp in the umbilical cord at 4.5 months gestation. I felt really angry and at a loss of control for a long time.

Take some time just for you. Maybe write a letter to this baby that is still part of you. Trying to get back to normal to quickly and not grieve is harmful to oneself. I prayed every night for healing and finally got to the point where I could accept what happened.

When I returned to work I had a "In memory of " card sitting on my workspace so my customers could read if they asked about the baby. I just couldn't talk about it without getting emotional and it helped me not have to say it over and over again. My dh and mother took care of informing the family and no one really talked about it around me.


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## mamaverdi

Couldn't they actually see the placenta with the blighted ovum?


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## rmzbm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HoosierDiaperinMama* 
I'm so sorry your body has let you down.







The loss part of it is bad enough but then to find out that there is nothing there has to be even more devastating. Much love and peace to you, Angela.







s

Personally, it would be a HUGE relief to me to know it was a BO.







But I digress...

Hope you're doing OK today!









OT - As long as I've been it it continues to stand true, mamaverdi has the most interesting sigs!







:


----------



## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaverdi* 
Couldn't they actually see the placenta with the blighted ovum?

yes


----------



## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
Personally, it would be a HUGE relief to me to know it was a BO.







But I digress...











We all have our own comfort zones....

-Angela


----------



## dillonandmarasmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Actually I don't feel let down by my body at all. This just wasn't meant to be. My body is still chugging right along







I just have to get it to let go.

With dd I had a huge placenta... hoping this one hasn't had time to get too big... but comes out nice and intact....

-Angela


I have been there. You are such a wonderfully strong mama. I have admired you all along. Sending healing and intact placenta delivery thoughts...(mine was not intact, and it took a while to completely come out. I was 10 weeks along at the time)
ETA: I became pregnant with dd within about 3 months of my BO, btw. warm wishes!


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## ktbug

s
Terribly sorry to hear your news. You're in my thoughts.


----------



## mamaverdi

So if they could see it, couldn't they tell you the size?









http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/blighted-ovum/AN00418


----------



## alegna

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaverdi* 
So if they could see it, couldn't they tell you the size?









http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/blighted-ovum/AN00418

Needless to say, I didn't think to ask- "hmm, okay, blighted ovum, got it, by the way, is that a big honkin' placenta? 'Cause my last one was..."










I do have pics though... maybe I can figure it out...

-Angela


----------



## Cinder

I'm so sorry!


----------



## cfiddlinmama

Angela, I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say, it wouldn't be MDC without you. You're awesome and I love your posts. Hang in there and sending you speedy recovery vibes. I'm so sorry.


----------



## alegna

Thanks all. The support means the world.

I need lots of vibes for strong, productive contractions tonight.

thanks,

-Angela


----------



## thismama

Sending







s and vibes...


----------



## rmzbm

Hope it all goes smoothly...


----------



## mamaverdi

Usually they give you measurements. Did she print off a paper for you?

The placenta should not be too big in the case of a blighted ovum.


----------



## alegna

She printed pics, but I didn't see a placenta measurement anywhere... I'll look again.

Nothing tonight. We'll try again in a few days.

-Angela


----------



## babycarrier

I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## nolonger

s


----------



## aswbarry

So sorry for your loss mama. I am glad you have found some support here during this difficult time. Peace to you and your family.








Angela


----------



## gretasmommy

You are so strong!!!!

Maybe today's the day . .. or tomorrow. I remember thinking that one day, out of nowhere, it would just happen. And this last time, that's just what happened. I knew the moment it began. I hope it is so for you as well. And soon.

Take care!


----------



## alegna

It happened this morning. Glad to be done.

-Angela


----------



## chrissy




----------



## ~*~MamaJava~*~

I'm so sorry...


----------



## mamamoo

so glad you got through that part mama. Easy healing to you, take care of yourself.


----------



## mamabearsoblessed




----------



## thismama

Thinking of you, alegna.


----------



## HeatherB

Angela, happened across some of your posts and am SO sorry to hear of your loss.







Praying for quick healing and a perfect little one for you soon!


----------



## alegna

Thank you.

-Angela


----------



## Momtotwo2004

I wanted to post to you real quick. I haven't had the opportunity to finish reading the thread yet so my appologies if this is not appropriate but I want you to know that I had the *SAME* feelings when I had a late first tri m/c. I wanted to have a baby in April! I wanted my kids to be 18 months apart! I was most upset with my m/c because it messed with my plans. Because now I wouldn't have an April baby and because my kids would be farther apart than I wanted them to be. I felt so guilty that THIS was the reason I was upset, rather than the actual loss of the baby. But in truth, all feelings are just feelings. How often do we stress that as mothers to our children? Their feelings are valid, no matter whether or not they seem "right."

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.


----------



## gretasmommy

Thinking of you, Angela. I hope that you are healing well, and that you can move forward in life now. The waiting is just awful, and for me, delayed the grieving process (something I hadn't realized until I was done).

Take care.


----------

