# My twins were born today



## APintheAF (Jan 9, 2006)

Today, I gave birth to two tiny little girls. It's been 12 days since I found out they had died and the waiting was excruciating.
I would be about 23 1/2 weeks along today. I woke up feeing fine and rested and contractions began around 8:15. They came on pretty quick and by 9, I called my midwife to tell her that I thought labor was starting, but it wasn't urgent. At 9:33, my water broke (and I mean BROKE!!) and I called the MW again to tell her that it was urgent







.
A side note: my babies died of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS), a condition where one twin received nearly all of the blood (recipient) and the other, not nearly enough (donor). This caused an over abundance of fluid for one baby and nearly none for the second. I was measuring 34 cm at 20 weeks - there was a lot of fluid. And it was brownish, but not stinky, like I thought it would be.
Less than 15 minutes later, I squatted down and a sac was born with one of my little girls inside. I went to lie down and the MW showed up. It wasn't until nearly an hour later that the second one was born. Though their features were identical, the donor twin was so pale and the recipient was nearly red.
It took almost another hour for the placenta to come, but it was intact and much smaller than the placentas from my full-term boys.
Because I delivered at home, I had to call the police to come over and create a report of fetal death so we could get the girls cremated. Because the police came, an ambulance had to show up, too







. Luckily, my MW ran interference, and it wasn't all so traumatic.
All in all, it was a pretty good experience. The birth went very well and my husband and I had time to process and prepare for today.

I am devastated that I won't ever get to nurse, hold or see my little girls smile. I miss them so much already.









Thank you for all your support.








Eve Charlotte







Marilyn Jean


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## jeliphish (Jul 18, 2007)

I'm so sorry mama...


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I'm so sorry, mama.







I hate that you had to be here.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

Oh momma







Thank you for sharing your story. You are very brave. I wish you the strenght to endure the days ahead. Blessings to you and your family


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## meredyth0315 (Aug 16, 2007)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Lots of love & light







And I think that the names you chose for your daughters are beautiful.


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## girlygirl707 (Apr 23, 2009)

So sorry for the loss of your little girls. It always saddens me to hear new stories...this board is very helpful during the healing process. Stay strong!


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

Oh mama, so sorry to see you here. I delivered the baby that I lost at home also (I was 17 weeks). I take great comfort that I was able to have the homebirth that I had planned, and I hope you do too. I hope that the days ahead bring you healing and comfort.
















Eve Charlotte







Marilyn Jean


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Ah, mama. You had been waiting for such a long time. I am glad for you that this time did come and that you were able to deliver in the way you wanted.

*HUGE hugs and so much love to you. May the waves of healing wash over you, and may the mother earth from which we were made hold you in her arms like a blanket* XXXXX I am so, so sorry sweetie. XXXXX

Also, as a side note, if you do have some pictures of the girls and would like me to work with them (I have been a digital artist, mostly using Photoshop, for about nine years in case you did not get a chance to see a post I made a little earlier this year), I would be more than happy to help you. All you have to do is PM me, and I will let you know my email address. If not, that is fine too! Whatever the case may be, I am sure that they are just beautiful. XXXXXX


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## Authentic_Mother (Feb 25, 2007)

Oh Mama, words cannot fully express how truly sorry I am for your loss. Im so thankful that you had the birth you wanted and so sorry you didn't have the outcome you wished for. You and your family are in our thoughts through the next few months as you begin the healing process.


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## MoonWillow (May 24, 2006)

I'm so sorry.


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls.







Lots of love and light to you, your husband, your boys, and Eve and Marilyn.


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## BetsyNY (Jul 1, 2005)

Oh, sweetheart. You and your family will be in my thoughts. Know that you have the MDC community to rally around you during this difficult time.


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## ~girlsmum~ (May 10, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm pretty sure that we almost lost our girls on a couple of occasions during my pregnancy; one that I was very sure of but they are with us and strong. I can't imagine the pain you must be in and I'm sending you enormous blessings and peace. You've chosen beautiful names for your girls!

HUGS!


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so very sorry.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

So sorry


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)




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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

I'm so so sorry for the lost of your wee girls


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

I am so sorry. I read your post, and tears were just rolling down my face. It is just so unfair. I'll be thinking of you and your twins.








Eve







Marilyn


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## ~bookcase~ (Apr 10, 2007)

Leah, I'm so sad you're going through this.








:Eve Charlotte and Marilyn Jean







:

I hope their births at home will give you some peace in the storm of grief.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

It aches to miss your babes.


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## amberchap (Jan 14, 2007)

I'm so very sorry, I am crying with you today. We are here to listen and support you as you grieve the loss of your girls.


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## free2beme23 (Jul 31, 2007)

I am so sorry.(((HUGS))) to you .


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## Seedlings (Dec 20, 2007)

I am so sorry
















Eve Charlotte







Marilyn Jean


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I'm so sorry, mama.


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## bu's mama (Mar 25, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## famille_huggins (Mar 30, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your losses, mama.








Eve Charlotte







Marilyn Jean


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so sorry that you're here.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Oh mama... so so sorry for your tremendous, heartbreaking loss
















: Eve Charlotte and Marilyn Jean







:


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious girls. My thoughts are w/you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

you picked such beautiful names for your girls. i am so sorry that you have to be here. none of us choose to be a part of this club, even so...it is an amazing group of women and men and you should find some comfort here.


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## crazyfish (Feb 9, 2009)

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine waiting that long. I was only in labor for a few hours after I found out my baby would be born too early to survive and by the end I was a mess because it was just so hard. I hope you can begin to heal now. For me, it has been the hardest after the shock wears off.


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## RoseRed (Dec 24, 2005)

I am truly moved by your story. You are so so brave! Much braver than I could ever think myself to be. I will keep you and your darling girls in my prayers.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your losses. I wish you lots of healing.


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## Jojo F. (Apr 7, 2007)




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## her_story (Jul 10, 2007)

I am giving you a *giant hug* and mourning with you momma.

I know that this is such a hard thing to go through, because I too lost my twins to TTTS. With tears in my eyes I remember holding their little bodies and wishing to nurse, holding them close... they made me a mommy.

Your angels will always know you as mommy as well...








Eve and Marilyn


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)




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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

I'm so sorry. I love your names... Sending you love and hugs and kind thoughts.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

hugs. and tons of support from me even though the wait was agonizing. I'm SO sorry.


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## APintheAF (Jan 9, 2006)

Thank you all for the thoughts and support. I'm so glad I found a place where everyone is so compassionate and understanding.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughters.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girls. The names you chose for them are beautiful.


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## ChinaDoll (Jul 27, 2003)

I'm so terribly sorry


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