# Can we share our best GD "tricks" ?



## Sarahfina (Oct 17, 2006)

I'm thinking of the brilliant GD responces you pull out of your hat when you feel like you're about to loose it, but instead manage somehow to do something amazing!!!

One of my best responses when I feel like I'm pushed to my breaking point by DD (nearly 3) is to take a deep breath and invite her for a massage. We find "mama's special cream" and I give her a foot massage, or a whole body massage and often we talk about whats been going on, her behavoir, her needs, the situation, whatever. It might take 5 minutes or 20 minutes...I make observations, like "wow it seemed like you were really frustrated when you couldn't have what you wanted" and the amazing thing is, she often feels compelled to apologize, tell me she didn't mean to hit me but was angry, or tell me she loves me, without me actually demanding she do something like "say sorry". No matter how it unfolds, the massage is always a quiet, gentle, connective time together and the result is that we both feel renewed and refreshed and respected....we usually have at least an hour or two of goodness after a massage before any new incident might crop up!!

Something I heard a friend do with her daughter, also nearly 3, was that when she was crying and carrying on, she offered her the option to return home and have a big cry in her room. She was very respectful and honoring in her tone of voice, not belittling at all, and said that it might feel really good to lay on her bed and cry into her pillow for a while, and if thats what she needed to do, we could of course go home. The important thing I noticed was the tone of voice, the respect and the subtle message that its fine to cry, but that carrying on for a long time in a social situation wasn't appropriate so she could choose for herself between the tantrum or the social situation. I've used this method since then, once offering to go outside and shout (which was fun for DD and we laughed together as she shouted out her frustrations loudly without disturbing anyone) and once offering her the choice to cry in her room- she decided to stop crying instead. In both incidences I offered to be with her, it was never meant as a punishment, but rather a more acceptable way to express her emotion and a reminded of what would be tolerated in our home (ex- not screaming at the dinner table).

Please, share your brilliant ideas, I'm always looking for new ones, especially these days which seem to be particularly challenging!

Thanks!


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## RasJi7 (Sep 25, 2007)

: love the massage idea!


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

:


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## BetsyPage (Mar 5, 2004)

My 2.5 yo is at a really challenging but imaginative age (*ahem* disequilibrium & teething). I have found that when she resists instructions or suggestions made by mama, that she is usually responsive when they are made by imaginary friends. So playful parenting to the rescue.







Works really well for diaper changes when Mrs. Diaper (used to be Mr. but it occured to me that is creepy lol!) say that she wants a hug & kiss and to do her job and will Gwen let her, then we say good-bye to the old Mrs. Diaper who did her job or needs a break (depending on whether it was sposie or cloth, we do both these days.)

Today she was resistant to leaving the play area at the mall but her friend Mr. Horsey was very excited to go see the train table at the bookstore and so she finally said OK.









I suppose I look very silly doing all this imaginary stuff in public but I think it's better than a meltdown and I like that I can invite cooperation in a fun way. I had to transition to this with her because she does not yet do well with the 5-3-1 warning system I use with my almost 5 yo. But now my oldest wants her clothes/toys to talk too. It's kind of hard to stay grumpy (something I've been struggling with) while using this approach, so that's a bonus too.


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## Momily (Feb 15, 2007)

One thing that works really well for us is fantasy wish granting. When I'm rushing to get out the door and DS is whining and stalling and saying "I don't want to go to school" or "I don't want to go to the grocery store" it goes so much better if, rather than following my instinct and saying "of course you want to go to the grocery store -- don't you like to eat. You selfish little boy, you want the food but not to do the work." or "If you hurry up I'll buy you an ice cream". I say "Me neither, don't you we had a magic wand like Harry Potter and could just say "Accio Pork Chops!" and be done with it. And DS will say "no, I'd say "Accio Ice Cream" and we'll be laughing, and after a minute I'll throw him his jacket or we'll walk out the door.


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## bright_eyes (Dec 7, 2007)

Good thread!

-I find playful parenting is a wonderful tool! We make believe a lot. So if ds is in the car and he wants something I don't have to give him, I'll pretend to give it to him. He loves this game. Just simple things like "here's some food" and I'll pretend to put whatever food he's asked for in his hands. Or if he doesn't want to get in his car seat, we'll pretend that we are fire fighers going to put out a fire. We'll put on our fire boots, jackets, and hats, and jump in our fire truck.

-If he is sad that we had to leave somewhere, like the park, I'll say, "you had fun at the park" and then I'll recreate the moment for him. "We went on the swings, and went up, up, up the ladder, and dooooown the slide. It was so fun, wasn't it?" He loves doing this. We pretend to go up the ladder and down the slide, even if we are driving home in the car, and are not even physically pretending to do anything.

-Validating his feeling is very useful. For eg, he got a balloon once and let go and it blew away. He was devestated. I told dh to go grab him a new one, and what I wanted to say was "don't cry, it's okay, Daddy is getting you a new balloon" but what I said instead was "you are really sad. You were holding your balloon and you let go, and it went way up into the sky." He cried and nodded his aggreement and then he was over it, just like that!!! Dh came back with the new balloon, and he was fine. So we do a lot of validating when he is upset.

-drawing pictures of what we are doing. Eg) if we are going to the park and we wants to go right now but we have to get dressed, eat breakfast, ect. I will grab some paper, and draw out the steps of what we are going to do. I'll draw clothes, some food, ect. And then go over the order of things with him a couple of times. Being able to visual what's happening helps him so much since concepts like 'after we do this, we are doing this' are above his head.


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## justice'smom (Jun 5, 2007)

I have no suggestions since I'm new to this, but boy am I wanting to learn.







:


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## vegmom (Jul 23, 2003)

When we are faced with a tantrum I just have my girls cry in their rooms till they are calmed down (they are 6 & 4). Most of the time I am calm but firm. If I talk in a quiet tone, the girls need to calm down a bit to hear me. So instead of yelling and getting louder, we get quieter until calmer.

If they are fighting with each other, I have them sit at the table and work out the problem. They are able to come up with much more creative solutions than me. It also teaches them problem solving, negotiation and communication skills.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

want to read later


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## Baby Makes 4 (Feb 18, 2005)

When we are all getting frustrated and the situation needs to be defused we all climb into Mommy's bed and eat candy.









I know that's silly but the boys and I have turned some really awful days into good ones over a pile of Rainbow Nerds in bed.


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## yoginisarah (Dec 20, 2007)

Lately, when my 2 year old is about to get fussy or cranky, we play a little game to lighten the mood. I playfully say "don't you smile at me...." and of course he gets a mischevious look on his face and smile. Then "don't you laugh at me"...."don't you blow raspberries at me"...."don't you hug me"...."don't you kiss me". He also comes up with his own and will request to play this game by saying "smile..me.."


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## yoginisarah (Dec 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momily* 
One thing that works really well for us is fantasy wish granting. When I'm rushing to get out the door and DS is whining and stalling and saying "I don't want to go to school" or "I don't want to go to the grocery store" it goes so much better if, rather than following my instinct and saying "of course you want to go to the grocery store -- don't you like to eat. You selfish little boy, you want the food but not to do the work." or "If you hurry up I'll buy you an ice cream". I say "Me neither, don't you we had a magic wand like Harry Potter and could just say "Accio Pork Chops!" and be done with it. And DS will say "no, I'd say "Accio Ice Cream" and we'll be laughing, and after a minute I'll throw him his jacket or we'll walk out the door.

Great idea! My son is too young for that right now but I'm going to definitely use that later on. Thanks!


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## Biscuits & Gravy (Jul 17, 2008)

Something that consistently works for me is choices. He is big into independence and has been for a while. When we are struggling with something, such as going upstairs to go to bed, I ask him "Do you want to do it all by yourself, or do you want mommy to do it?" The answer is always that he wants to do it, so the idea that it could get done by mommy instead usually motivates him. I use this about a million times a day.


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## krystyn33 (May 30, 2006)

:

What fantastic ideas!

My number one tool so far (DS is 22months) is nursing. I validate his feelings and try to be playful, but in times when either or both of us are out of sorts or faced with conflict, a good nursing session will reaffirm our connection and help both of us become centered.


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## rockportmama (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MyGrassIsBlue* 
Something that consistently works for me is choices. He is big into independence and has been for a while. When we are struggling with something, such as going upstairs to go to bed, I ask him "Do you want to do it all by yourself, or do you want mommy to do it?" The answer is always that he wants to do it, so the idea that it could get done by mommy instead usually motivates him. I use this about a million times a day.

That's exactly what I did! It worked so incredibly well! Until one day it didn't work anymore.







Now he's sensitive to being given less consequential choices. I'm just offering him more say in his life (this has been a hard adjustment for me to make, but sometimes my DH sets the whole day's agenda without consulting my needs/priorities, and so I think about how I feel when that happens and I don't want DS to feel that way).

Has anyone else read How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk?


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## abomgardner417 (Jun 19, 2007)

Subbing...these are such great ideas! Some I have used, but I find my bag of tricks dwindling sometimes with two the same age!


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I sing a lot. It's funny, because I never noticed how much I did until the MDC mod retreat last August, and I realized I was singing all the stinking time.







I sing to announce transitions, to facilitate clean-up, to calm them down, to attract their attention, to gently wake them up. It seemed to stop "working" around age 9.

With my older kids, it helps to lay out the sequence of events. Sometimes it's hard for them to see the long view, you know? So I let them know after this, then that. If you choose not to do this, then we simply can't move on to that.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abomgardner417* 
Subbing...these are such great ideas! Some I have used, but I find my bag of tricks dwindling sometimes with two the same age!

I wanted to add, I really like this idea of having a bag of tricks or a toolbox rather than A Method. For me, the toolbox has lots of tools is it, and some I bring out more often than others. But having a good idea of my options ahead of time helps me not feel boxed in.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
I sing a lot. It's funny, because I never noticed how much I did until the MDC mod retreat last August, and I realized I was singing all the stinking time.







I sing to announce transitions, to facilitate clean-up, to calm them down, to attract their attention, to gently wake them up. It seemed to stop "working" around age 9.

With my older kids, it helps to lay out the sequence of events. Sometimes it's hard for them to see the long view, you know? So I let them know after this, then that. If you choose not to do this, then we simply can't move on to that.

Do you make up the song or did you learn them somewhere? We really struggle with transitions in my family, and I think having some consistency in the song (since I try to make up songs, but I never remember them) would help.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

A little of both I think. I make up lots of songs, but I was also a music major in college, and then taught preschool and did grad work in early childhood education after that, so I picked up a lot of songs there.

A few book recs:
This Is the Way We Wash-a-Day is a very sweet little book in the Waldorf tradition with lots of songs to sort of guide you through your day. Bonus: It comes with a CD! There are actually quite a few Waldorf books that meet this need; Sing Through the Day and Seven Times the Sun would be two more.

And then Gryphon House has a bunch of early childhood transition books, as does Redleaf Press.


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## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

When things get really loud and I just can't take anymore I do this:

clap my hands over and over until the girls notice and join in
then we pat our legs, tummies- whatever
then we touch our elbows or shoulders and then I end with
*shhhh*

this gets their attention without ever saying a word

after the *shhh* i continue using my very quiet voice


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## Lohagrace (Sep 21, 2006)

:


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I am loving these ideas! Hoping to start implementing some of them in our house.


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## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

Oh and thanks to Raffi for

We are going to shake shake shake the wiggles out
shake shake shake the wiggles out
repeat above
and wiggle our waggles away

we are going to jump jump jump our jumping out
etc

we are going to growl growl growl the grumpies out
etc


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

definitely making her "animal friends" talk.
"Hey mommy!" (spoken in a high pitched voice coming from baby doll). "I want to come with you to the parrk! Will you let your mommy get you dressed so we can go?"
Or the little dog says "I think your mommy needs to go fold some laundry now! Will you play with just me while she does that?" the high pitched voice is essential.







:


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## amnda527 (Aug 6, 2006)

Through teaching, I discovered that a calm, quiet voice always got everyone's attention better than trying to scream over everyone.


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## BC mom (Nov 25, 2006)

I sing a lot too! As soon as my baby was born I started singing and haven't stopped since (he is 25 months), and I don't know where it came from! If I come up with a new song (made up or traditional) it captures his attention long enough to change a diaper, get dressed, go inside, etc. etc. This is so valuable for many transitions. Right now I am singing a french song (Frere a Jaque -- spelling is wrong!) and it is especially interesting to him because it is in a different language. My boy loves to sing, and he'll pick up the lyrics after hearing a song only 2 or 3 times, so he stares at my lips to pick up the words!

Another one for getting dressed to go outside. When he is resisting clothes, I bring them all to the front door and say "lets see how cold it is outside" and open the door and we stick our hands outside. I say brrr its cold, and then he happily lets me put on his clothes! I love these fun ideas, but if I am tired and low on creativity and energy, we have a lot more struggles. This thread is a fantasic reminder to keep it creative. Thank you!


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## rockportmama (Jun 24, 2008)

Ooo, ooo! New one for me today! I'm so excited! Let's call it "creative marketing". DS has been resisting getting his hair washed. For a while, he'd let me "make shampoo bubbles", but he outgrew that one. So today, I asked him if he wanted a "scalp massage". Well, that was new and different and exciting! I never mentioned shampoo/washing once. I only rubbed his head gently with the shampoo asking "Does that feel nice when I massage your scalp?" He loved it!


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## Irishmamaof3 (Oct 21, 2008)

My boy, who has ADHD and ODD, has trouble recognising his own emotions and articulating his feelings, has a tendency to lash out or pick on the girls when he's overwhelmed of over stimulated. So I don't shout, walk up behind him, rub his shoulders and say 'you seem tired/frustrated/angry/sad/hurt(or any emotion depending on the situation), making X feel (insert emotion) won't make you feel any better, but 5 mins on the couch might help you chill, I'll bring you a drink'. He responds really well to this.


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

Subbing!


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amnda527* 
Through teaching, I discovered that a calm, quiet voice always got everyone's attention better than trying to scream over everyone.









When they get louder, I get softer.

My other teacher trick is that "Wait!" works a billion times better than "No!"


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## Serendipity (Nov 12, 2005)

Great thread!

Pretending like animals is what it's all about around here. We hop like bunnies to get to the tub, swim like fishies to get to the van etc. Whispering and tip toeing works wonders also.

Having her instruct a doll or stuffed animal on how to do something is useful. 'Show Baby Teresa how to put your shoes on' etc.

Options. I never ask her if it's not an option. I wouldn't say 'Are you ready to go to the store?' unless I am willing to wait if she says no. Instead we say 'Would you like to hop or walk to the van?' or 'Would you like to bring X or Y with to the store?'.

I tell her I'm a little nervous about walking in the parking lot, and ask her if she'll hold my hand so I'm not so nervous.

We do role playing a lot, especially with her dolls. This helps her process a lot of things, including conflicts between her and her brother or friends.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Serendipity* 
Great thread!

Pretending like animals is what it's all about around here. We hop like bunnies to get to the tub, swim like fishies to get to the van etc. Whispering and tip toeing works wonders also.

Having her instruct a doll or stuffed animal on how to do something is useful. 'Show Baby Teresa how to put your shoes on' etc.

Options. I never ask her if it's not an option. I wouldn't say 'Are you ready to go to the store?' unless I am willing to wait if she says no. Instead we say 'Would you like to hop or walk to the van?' or 'Would you like to bring X or Y with to the store?'.

I tell her I'm a little nervous about walking in the parking lot, and ask her if she'll hold my hand so I'm not so nervous.

We do role playing a lot, especially with her dolls. This helps her process a lot of things, including conflicts between her and her brother or friends.

LOVE all of these, especially the parking lot one, which I hope will help with my 3-year-old. Thank you for the ideas!


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

gosh my dd is now 6 so i cant remember a lot of what i did but just reading this thread brought back memories.

definitely pretend play - using the characters my dd initiated with chores really helped.

but two things stand out even today for us.

just sheer bursting our laughing

and

pantomime

they help even now not just with dd - but also with her class mates. i swear they just love, love, love (i help them with homework corrections in class) that you can laugh even with boring heavy tasks.

anyways but a caution with laughter. as they grow older they go thru a time when they feel you are laughing at them. i LOL anyways with what my dd does even now - but at that time i had to hold my laughter in. also if the tantrum is not really a tantrum but a result of tiredness, hunger or lack of exercise then forget it. it doesnt work.

this worked well for tantrums (i must tell you though it feels really silly just LOL - i mean pretend laughing when there is nothing funny to laugh about is really hard to do without feeling self conscious).

exxagerating the action thru pantomime has worked well too. esp. with tasks they dont wanna do. just bringing humour to the table has been so huge in our house.

what has melted my heart the most and brought me awwww moments was when it was my dd initiating the humour. it was and still is the sweetest thing.

the more i make fun of myself. and laugh at my mistakes the more my dd finds life hilarious.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I tell dd when I am starting to feel frustrated. Lately my frustration seems to come a lot when she isn't cooperating and is doing her own thing after I tell her she needs to stop several times and why she needs to stop. I start out with a fun attitude, I sing what I want her to do sometimes, and I redirect her in playful fun ways but when she is not open to changing what she is doing and when I feel like I am going to lose it I tell her in my fun voice that I am being playful now but I am starting to feel frustrated and I don't know how much longer playful will last. I don't know if that is really a nice GD trick but I feel like she is old enough to hear that sometimes we do have an impact on someone else, she tells me the same thing sometimes and I think it is great she can express that.


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## Sarahfina (Oct 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rockportmama* 
Ooo, ooo! New one for me today! I'm so excited! Let's call it "creative marketing". DS has been resisting getting his hair washed. For a while, he'd let me "make shampoo bubbles", but he outgrew that one. So today, I asked him if he wanted a "scalp massage". Well, that was new and different and exciting! I never mentioned shampoo/washing once. I only rubbed his head gently with the shampoo asking "Does that feel nice when I massage your scalp?" He loved it!









I LOVE this! It reminds me how amazing and dynamic WE are as parents! Marketers! Never looked at it like that, but its true!







Thanks for all the brilliant additions to this post, this topic has been as inspiring as I hoped it would!

Keep it coming!


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## chi_mama (May 25, 2008)

:


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## mama*pisces (Feb 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rockportmama* 
Ooo, ooo! New one for me today! I'm so excited! Let's call it "creative marketing". DS has been resisting getting his hair washed. For a while, he'd let me "make shampoo bubbles", but he outgrew that one. So today, I asked him if he wanted a "scalp massage". Well, that was new and different and exciting! I never mentioned shampoo/washing once. I only rubbed his head gently with the shampoo asking "Does that feel nice when I massage your scalp?" He loved it!









Ah! This I will have to try....I thought my 2yo was the only one that resists hairwashing. What is that _about_? Every night I get "No, mommy, _stoppppp_!" as he pushes my hand away. So tomorrow, I'll see if he wants a nice head massage.









I'm LOVING the rest of this thread, too!! I'd already tried a couple of the ideas suggested, but some hadn't even occured to me!







:


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## ABmom (Mar 6, 2008)

What a great thread! We tried some of the ideas already mentioned but I'm always open to new ones.


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## kavitha (Oct 8, 2005)

when it's time to leave the park, either i pick her up or my husband and we try to catch the other all the way to the car, she manages to tag us just as she lands it the car seat....giggles the whole way


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## MeMommy (Aug 31, 2006)

diaper time is tickle time, with a song, too. works every time!!

also, giving her a few warnings before it's going to be time to transition, and then giving time during the transition to say goodbye to whatever it is she was doing, eg: before bedtime today she was "cooking" her apple core in her cup of water, I told her five minutes before, three, then one, then I talked to her about her cooking, asked her to taste some (mmmm, yummy!!) and told her we could do some more cooking tomorrow. Then I said, "OK, say goodbye yummy apple! Goodnight!" She copied me. "Goodnight, water, goodbye!" Etc. saying goodbye has really helped a lot, sometimes we say goodnight to the kitchen, the table, the living room, etc. It really helps her transition.

Doesn't work at the playground, though, I'm still figuring that one out...

I also, if she's whining and being impatient, say cheerfully, something like, "let me hear your nice voice!" or, "let's see your happy face!" etc. and she almost always (unless she's truly upset about something, in which case it wouldn't be fair for me to ask this of her) gets a big smile and says "Please!!!" It's so cute!!!


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## suziek (Jun 4, 2004)

I'm going to go back and read the other posts but I wanted to share I reminder I use to keep me focused on being loving and kind.

I hope I can explain this well.

Life here is very busy--we've moved fairly recently, my DH is overseas, I'm feeling a little over committed and underappreciated, etc.--but I remind myself regularly that anytime I want to I can just stick my paws in the honey jar. What I mean is that I am surrounded by the most loving, funny, cute, sweet delicious children. And (almost) any time I want I can lure one or more of them aside and tell her a joke or kiss her, or smell his necks, or ask a question, or look in his eyes, or offer her icecream or share a book or check on the pumpkins in the bakcyard or go cut the last flowers in the garden for the table, or sneak off under the covers for a snuggle or pop some popcorn and chat on the couch. These amazing creatures live with me and all I have to do is slow down and watch one of them at work/play/rest and my heart really does fill right up.

So my secret is to keep my heart filled. It makes it so much easier to respond and lead with love and kindness.


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## chio88 (Oct 16, 2008)

These are great ideas. I love the massage sessions...i think it's brilliant!


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## Redheaded_Momma (Nov 8, 2006)

Thanks for this thread! Wonderful ideas!!


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suziek* 
I hope I can explain this well.

Life here is very busy--we've moved fairly recently, my DH is overseas, I'm feeling a little over committed and underappreciated, etc.--but I remind myself regularly that anytime I want to I can just stick my paws in the honey jar. What I mean is that I am surrounded by the most loving, funny, cute, sweet delicious children. And (almost) any time I want I can lure one or more of them aside and tell her a joke or kiss her, or smell his necks, or ask a question, or look in his eyes, or offer her icecream or share a book or check on the pumpkins in the bakcyard or go cut the last flowers in the garden for the table, or sneak off under the covers for a snuggle or pop some popcorn and chat on the couch. These amazing creatures live with me and all I have to do is slow down and watch one of them at work/play/rest and my heart really does fill right up.

So my secret is to keep my heart filled. It makes it so much easier to respond and lead with love and kindness.











I think you have explained this *very* well. I am going to print this out and put it on my fridge. May I have permission to share this passage with others (with a link to this thread)?


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

When I am getting really frustrated, I close my eyes for a second-- longer if possible-- and picture, in the greatest detail I can muster, my child when he is fast asleep. Mouth open, lips all askew, little hand still clutching Bear while he sleeps, that warm milky smell he has when you lean down close, the little feet sticking out under the blankets... this almost always takes the edge off my anger (even last night when the older one would not stop trying to kick my kitty. i was able to get my wits about me long enough to design a game called "who can get kitty to come to them the fastest?" deli meat played an important role-- both in getting DS to win, and to let kitty feel the love again.







)


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

Making things talk. If the toothbrush really wants to brush dd's teeth, she gets excited and starts talking to it. Potty, clothing, food, everything talks around here. Even the car seat some times "Hey! Hurry up and sit in me! I can't wait to start driving with you!!"


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

When we were going through a really oppositional period I had a big talk with DD about how we're all members of the same family team working together to do stuff. Now when I need her help and cooperation we do a family team fist bump where we yell, "Family Teaaaaam....GO!"

I can't believe how well it works. BTW, I hate sports!


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

When I see a meltdown about to occur, I try and validate feelings. (You seem really frustrated by.... (With DS1, it's usually frustration or anger).) I also offer a big hug... which usually stops it. Both of my sons are big huggers... and really need hugs. (Yes, I know all kids do... but luckily at 5 and 3, they still admit this!)

I also find that sibling rivalry is great... so I try and use this to my advantage. So, if the kids are slow to get in their carseats, we do a "Last one in their carseat with their seatbelt on is a rotten egg." Or we have a race to see who can pick up 5 toys the fastest and "win". Etc.

For me...when I'm frustrated, it helps to remember my child's age. So, I'll say, "He's only 3. He's just a little baby." And that makes me feel all protective and stuff. I also ask myself, "What would a good MDC Mama do?" in this situation.







Sounds silly... but it works!


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

When I can't get my kids to get along for 5 seconds I make them play bicycle togehter until they are laughing.
(bicycle is where you lay flat on the ground and put yur feet on the other person's feet and push back and forht)
Or they have to stare into each other's eyes until they laugh.
The laughing is not mandatory it is inevitable.


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## meesa143 (Jul 3, 2007)

This is a great thread









Quote:


Originally Posted by *suziek* 
I'm going to go back and read the other posts but I wanted to share I reminder I use to keep me focused on being loving and kind.

I hope I can explain this well.

Life here is very busy--we've moved fairly recently, my DH is overseas, I'm feeling a little over committed and underappreciated, etc.--but I remind myself regularly that anytime I want to I can just stick my paws in the honey jar. What I mean is that I am surrounded by the most loving, funny, cute, sweet delicious children. And (almost) any time I want I can lure one or more of them aside and tell her a joke or kiss her, or smell his necks, or ask a question, or look in his eyes, or offer her icecream or share a book or check on the pumpkins in the bakcyard or go cut the last flowers in the garden for the table, or sneak off under the covers for a snuggle or pop some popcorn and chat on the couch. These amazing creatures live with me and all I have to do is slow down and watch one of them at work/play/rest and my heart really does fill right up.

So my secret is to keep my heart filled. It makes it so much easier to respond and lead with love and kindness.









I think you explained this very well. This is what I try to do when I'm feeling frustrated with my kids.
I agree with using different tools. DD responds well to choices, warnings before we are going to be leaving, and validating her feelings. She gets really upset if she thinks you don't understand her.


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## paakbaak (Jan 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
I sing a lot. It's funny, because I never noticed how much I did until the MDC mod retreat last August, and I realized I was singing all the stinking time.







I sing to announce transitions, to facilitate clean-up, to calm them down, to attract their attention, to gently wake them up. It seemed to stop "working" around age 9.

With my older kids, it helps to lay out the sequence of events. Sometimes it's hard for them to see the long view, you know? So I let them know after this, then that. If you choose not to do this, then we simply can't move on to that.

and i thought i was crazy! i sing all the time! "let´s eat breakfast" or "i´m gonna go to the supermarket, who wants to come?"...anything, all day long!!! it´s great to see someone else does this also.
what i love about it, is that my son sings back! it´s great!

love this thread!


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## WhaleinGaloshes (Oct 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paakbaak* 
and i thought i was crazy! i sing all the time! "let´s eat breakfast" or "i´m gonna go to the supermarket, who wants to come?"...anything, all day long!!! it´s great to see someone else does this also.
what i love about it, is that my son sings back! it´s great!

love this thread!

What's funny to me is that I don't sing all the time, it's not at all my nature, but my DD does







She sings the little "I'm eating my cheeeerioooos" and "let's CLEAN up the TOYS" and she even has consistent little tunes these days. Very cute, and seems to have the same easing-transition effect on her.

My go-to tip for our house right at this point in time is sequence and predictability. I've made pictoral timelines for the day, so she can check what's coming next, and a calendar so she can look from day to day. Time and order loom large for her right now, and things go so much more smoothly when she knows what's coming next. Even disappointments are eased right now if we can plan a time in the future for doing what she had wanted to do.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Love this thread!!

I need to use more of these techniques as my 3.5 year old is driving me crazy! But here are a couple of ones that I use:

Getting their seatbelts on - My DS is really into Mythbusters, especially ones with explosion stuff going on. My DD watches, but isn't really into it. So the other day, my DS was pretending that we had dynamite in the car and that we were a rocket. My DD wasn't getting her seatbelt on so I said "We better hurry before the dynamite explodes! If the car is moving, the dynamite won't go off but i can't drive until your seat belt is on. We have 10 seconds. 10....9....8.....7.....6.....5............." I've never seen her get her seatbelt on so fast. Now she asks to play the game almost every time in the car.

Another one I have done is to say to both of them "You're driving me craaaazy" with a really silly accent. They start laughing and it diffuses whatever situation is happening at the moment.


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## suziek (Jun 4, 2004)

Aubergine68, please feel free to use my post as you see fit.

I'm completely flattered.

And I'm loving this thread, too.


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## JeanneElle (Oct 28, 2008)

I use a timer a lot. My daughter is really competitive and responds far better to a "race against time" as opposed to the threat of losing something (i.e. bedtime story).

My son, as well, can be sparked into action once I set the timer... it's like a game. Instead of hounding him about getting dressed on time in the morning, I just tell him he has "ten minutes!! ready? set? _GO_!"

http://2kids-jeanne.blogspot.com/search/label/timer


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