# My Cytotec Completed Miscarriage



## MySunflowerBoys (Nov 22, 2005)

Tomorrow marks the one week anniversary of my miscarriage, so I thought I would write about my experience while my memory is still so fresh.

My pregnancy had been closely followed by my OB, she knew in January that we hoped to concieve this year and told me to call right away when I got my BFP. I had told her that we would be interested in getting a Nuchal Fold Scan done so she wanted to get it scheduled during the right time of the pregnancy. Having had two pregnancies with complications, we prayed that this one would be the "easy" one.

At my first visit, I told her when my LMP was and said that I monitored my cycle by temping & taking OPKs and did not ovulate until day 24. I felt my EDD would be Jan 2, she said the LMP put it at Dec 24. She did a pelvic exam and had blood work drawn to check my hormones and run antibody screening.

A few days later I got a call from her nurse that said my blood work was abnormal and the dr wanted me to get an u/s done to date the pregnancy. When I came in for the u/s they told me that I was Anti-E antigen positive and that it would have to be closely monitored. The u/s showed that I was barely 4 wks pg & I thought I was 5. They asked me to do another blood draw and then a repeat sono in a week.

The second beta test showed my levels were increasing on target. The next sono showed that the gestational sac had grown a week larger, but still was not as far along as I thought. They had me continue to get beta levels checked, each time it showed that my pg hormones were increasing on schedule. They scheduled another sono, on May 14th.

This sono showed that the sac had stopped growing at 5 wks, I should of been almost 8 wks pg according to my O date. There was no fetal pole, my baby was a blighted ovum.

At first, I told the dr that I wanted to wait it out to miscarry, I wanted to avoid any tramua to my uterus a d & c could cause. I went home very sad, angry, and disappointed.

We had been looking foward to our Christmas baby! I had cleaned out my closet to make room for maternity clothes as my belly was getting too big for my pants already. I started surfing for newborn diapers and planning where I'd set up our diaper changing dresser. I thought about how I'd manage tandem nursing and pregnancy, wondered if either of my sons would wean before the baby arrived. I was looking foward to nursing my newborn, snuggling her/him close in bed. All those dreams I now had to let go of.

After talking with my husband, he supported my decision not to have the D & C. We got a call later from the dr with another option, cytotec. I told her I'd think about it and let her know. After lots of research and reading stories here, I decided that it was a good option for us.

I went in Thursday morning to have it inserted, eight tiny pills tucked into my cervix. I went home, worried about how my body would react to the medication. Within 30 mins I felt fluid leaking- clear, but plentiful, so I put on a pad. By 1 pm, it became red and I started have back pain and cramps.

At 4:30, I felt a big gush and thought I'd better rush to the bathroom. The dr had asked me to collect what passed to bring in for pathology and gave me a bowl for the potty. When I went to the bathroom, I opened my underwear and saw that I had passed the placenta and sac, it was all intact. I carefully scooped it into the speciman cup. The placenta was roughly the size of a link of breakfast sausage and the sac was clear, grape sized with a small dark speck in the corner. I was so surprised that it all came out at once, so fast after taking the medicine and without as much pain as I expected. I was holding our baby in a cup. I put the lid on the cup and put it in the bathroom cupboard, I didn't want my kids to see it. When my husband came home from work I told him what happened and asked him if he wanted to see it. He's a very skrimish guy, can't stand the sight of blood, so he said no. I wondered if I was supposed to keep it in the fridge but it was too late to call the dr's office, so I just kept it in the bathroom cupboard.

I continued to have cramping and bleeding the rest of the night, but didn't pass anything very big. I woke up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and sat there, staring at the cupboard. It felt so surreal to have my baby that should be growing in my womb, sitting in there. I sat and cried and the dark. I longed to wake up my husband and have him hold me so close and squeeze all the pain out of my heart. Instead I just went back to bed and layed there, numb, begging for sleep to take me away.

In the morning, I took my older son to school and my younger son and I stopped by the dr's office to give them the cup for pathology. To my surprise, the dr decided she wanted to see me and did another vaginal exam to see if the cervix was still open. She said that I might pass a little more, but it looked like most of it was gone. She had my blood drawn again to see if my levels were starting to fall.

I bled and had some cramping throughout the weekend. On Monday I passed another clot and then the cramping improved. My hormones dropped from 33,000 to 14,000. I have to keep getting them checked until it gets to zero. I still am bleeding, but feel better except for the mood swings and fatigue. I can't stop lurking in my old DDC and keep checking out newborn dipes, I feel like I need to let those go so I can move on. It's hard to change your mindset from pregnant to not pregnant so quickly.

We will try again for another baby, but will wait a couple of cycles first. I really hope this was a fluke and our next pregnancy will be the one that brings a child into our arms.

Peace be with all of you that have shared this experience in the past or are facing this right now.


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## famille_huggins (Mar 30, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss... I understand your extreme pain and disappointment. I wish you didn't have to be here.


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## MySunflowerBoys (Nov 22, 2005)

Thank you, famille huggins!

Today I was driving home from the dr's office (blood draw) and a funeral procession was coming down the street, the opposite direction. Everyone on my side of the street pulled off to the side and stopped their cars until the procession finished driving past us. I just started crying right there as I sat in my car watching all those loved ones drive past.


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## ikesmom (Oct 29, 2005)

BTDT

It took me a long time to heal. Take time for yourself, write down your thoughts in a little journal.
One thing positive that I discovered was that every moment with my kids was precious. Even the rough times.
I didn't enroll in classes the next semester and worked less hours to strengthen our family bond.
I had a hard time seeing other pregnant woman (esp those who found out about their pregnancy at the same time as myself) but it helped me understand a little tiny bit of the feeling my cousin's wife had because they couldn't conceive. Not the same situation but the loss of something hoped for.


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## noah's mom (Jan 3, 2006)

I'm glad the Cytotec worked as well for you as it did for me when I had to make that heartbreaking decision of how to complete a m/c....I will watch for you in Pregnancy After Loss - hoping you will come join us sooner rather than later!


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## channelofpeace (Jul 14, 2005)

I am sorry about your loss, Deborah


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## mamatowill (Aug 23, 2004)

I am sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Thank you for sharing with us - it helps a little to share our stories. The pain, the disappointment, all of it. My experience the first time wasn't very different from yours, and I, too, had a hard time letting go of both of my DDC's. The first due date has just passed earlier this month, and that has been more difficult than I had anticipated.

But time has helped. Really, it has. I no longer cry every day. I do think about it daily, but the cloak of pain resides a little deeper under the surface now. I wear it from time to time. Sometimes it feels as though pregnant women seek me out - and they still strike a chord in my heart that opens the wound again. But little by little, day by day, life gets a bit easier.

Take care. You are in my thoughts.


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