# Consequences for missing the bus



## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

We have had such difficulty getting DS1 (6) ready for camp in the mornings this summer. I am expecting that we are going to have similar trouble with school. Last year, we just took him to the car in his bare feet and without a coat if he was late and got him dressed in the car at school. This year, he will be riding the bus. We don't have a good plan for how to handle missing the bus. I know that without a plan in place, and maybe even with a plan in place, DH will respond to DS1 missing the bus with shouting and shaking DS1. The best I can hope for is a plan.

But, all the ideas that I have seem like they would probably end up being an incentive for DS1 to try to miss the bus. What would you do?

I am trying to figure out a plan to set him up for success, but I need a plan for when things don't work as well.

TIA


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## eirual (Mar 21, 2006)

Are you near anyone else who takes the bus? Could you make it a goal to get there 5-10 minutes early and have a snack, so even when you're running late you're still on time, just no time for a snack?

I would probably just end up driving him and let him know that you're not happy about it and it's important that he tries to make it to the bus on time. You could even have a discussion about it- let him know it's important and ask him what he needs in order to be on time and what should happen if he's late and misses the bus. Maybe set an indoor timer (you can get cool ones from teacher stores that show concretely how much time is left- like the one at the very bottom of this page). Maybe even have some pictures or a list if he's comfortable with reading about what he needs to have done. Practice it starting as soon as you can.

Good luck!


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

I don't understand why it would be his fault if he is late... it would different if he was 16, but he is 6!

How about everyone getting up earlier, and having everything ready so that he can just get dressed, eat, and leave?

Prepare his clothes, bags, lunch etc the night night before.. Stay next to him and talk to him about his day while he is getting dressed so that he is not distracted too much, have quick, easy and fun things to eat for breakfast (cutting a toast into strips goes down more quickly with my kids than a whole toast etc)

I would also be quite scared of my DH if he reacted to such a small thing by shouting and shaking a small child...


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

The problem with somebody being with him the whole time is that we have 3 2-year olds who also need to have one of us with them at all times as we are getting them ready for preschool. It may be unfair for him to have to take on some of the responsibility, but we don't really have much of a choice.

It already takes us over an hour and a half to get him out the door and all he needs to do now is get dressed, eat, brush his teeth and get out the door. DH and I are already functioning on 2-3 hours a night less sleep than we can truly function on, so us getting up earlier is not really an option. We might try starting to get DS1 up earlier.

I don't know what the consequences for being late are at school. It may be that not taking DS1 to school until after I have dropped the others off at preschool will make him late enough that he will have consequences at school. There are no consequences that we make at home that seem to have any impact on him.

A timer and a list of things he needs to do might help. And, a schedule of how to break down the tasks into time periods might work. He is in a pretty literal phase right now and can read and tell time without any trouble, so a schedule of how things need to go in 5-10 minute chunks might help.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

Is it possible to come up with a plan to ensure that your DS just doesn't miss the bus? Could you aim to be ready twenty minutes early so you've got a twenty minute buffer for delays to happen.

We take public transit a lot, and I notice that we seem to miss buses we "can" miss, but never buses that are essential. If we absolutely need to catch the bus that comes at 9:40am, we operate with a wide enough margin and do enough stuff in advance to be sure we catch that bus.

Doing as much stuff in advance, the night before or before the kids get up helps. I've actually read posts on MDC from moms who have their kids sleep in their clothes for the next day. Also, doing things in reverse order of importance... so if your DS can eat his breakfast on the bus do breakfast last, and if there isn't time to finish he can take a slice of toast with him. He can't pee or get dressed on the bus, do those first.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

Sorry. I was replying while you were replying...

I don't understand why it take 90 minutes for your DS to get ready. If you have to, couldn't get him up first, dress him and brush his teeth for him (in ten minutes) and leave him to eat his breakfast while you get the younger ones ready. If he doesn't finish his breakfast send him out the door with something he can eat of the way... if he's hungry enough that he needs to keep eating.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

What about giving him a stop watch and letting him time himself with the breakdown on a chart?

It kind of sounds like mornings are stressful and everyone's tired. My son's morning behaviour hugely improved after we started reading a morning book in bed. (Kind of like bedtime, but reversed.) I know it's a lot but if it helps him be more helpful for the next hour it might be worth it.


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## Grace and Granola (Oct 15, 2005)

My son is only 4, but he's pokey too and I have a two year old to get ready, so I get the juggling thing. What I do is, the first thing I do is get the 4 yr old dressed. Meaning, either he does it FAST while I'm there, or I'm going to do it for him. But if I'm there, and make a game out of it or something, he usually gets it done in 5 minutes. After that I leave him with his breakfast. and I go off and get my 2 yr old ready.

So, I'm thinking with your 6 yr old, he is definitely capable of dressing himself, so I would set out his clothes and set his breakfast on the table first thing. Tell him that he needs to get dressed and then he may go have his breakfast. The consequence for being pokey is that his breakfast will get cold (or not, depending), but if he doesn't get himself dressed and to the table in a reasonable amount of time, then he doesn't get to eat, or he has to eat it fast, or whatever. But at least he's not naked by the time you're ready to leave. (I would hate to send a child to school without food, but maybe then, he would just get to eat an apple in the car or something?)

My other thought is, that a logical consequence for being late (just like in grown-up land) would be that he has to walk into his classroom late while everone else is already participating, and I think he should apologize to the teacher for being late. Nothing shameful or elaborate, but when a kid comes in late, I'd imagine it's a disruption, the kids all get distracted, the teacher has to regroup, etc. So, I would explain to him how his lateness affects the class, and he would have to go up to the teacher and simply say, "I'm sorry I'm late." I would imagine a kid would rather NOT do that, so it seems logical, and maybe would deter him, depening on the kid, I guess! So, I can see myself explaining this to my son, and telling him that it's HIS CHOICE. You can either get ready in a reasonable amount of time, or you can be pokey and have to apologize to the teacher.

Good luck! I totally see this in my future!


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## eirual (Mar 21, 2006)

When I had to get just one DS out the door with me in the morning I put him to bed in his clothes he was going to wear the next day, then all I had to do was feed him en route to daycare. Would something like that work for you? A smoothy he can take with him or an egg sandwich/wrap to go could get him out the door in 5 minutes.


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

My son enjoyed (no, really) having a "to do" list with pictures. Quite comical, as I am not an artist by any means! The only problem we had was that he wanted to follow it precisely in order, which isn't always possible. (Like if you want pancakes for breakfast, you might have to compromise and brush your hair and get dressed while pancakes are cooking instead of after you've eaten.)

Other than that, I've just noticed that it can take a lot of redirection at first. No tv or computer, no reading, no playing -- and if I was not on them, they would get distracted by those things.

Having as much ready ahead of time (I like the "sleep in the clothes" idea -- did that with my son, but my daughter didn't like it) is helpful.

Hugs to you! It sounds like you're very challenged.

Like other posters, I'm saddened at the image of a 6 year old being shaken by his father. In the moment, it's difficult to remember what a small thing being late really is (I've done my share of shouting in the morning) but it's really not worth it for the relationship to get so bent out of shape over it. Does DH have a similar reaction to your younger children? Would having him be in charge of them make things go more smoothly?

Is there a later preschool class the other children could be in? How long have they been doing preschool? (2 is really young -- unless you're actually talking about daycare.) If I didn't see a clear benefit to preschool, I might decide that it was in the better interest of the entire family to find a way to not have to have 4 children ready to go in the morning so that I could focus on routine with the one who needs to be going this year, if that makes sense.


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

There are a lot of good ideas here. I need to think through them and see which ones might work.

The reason it take so long to get him ready at the moment is that is takes 20 minutes to get him out of bed, 20 minutes to get him dressed, 20 minutes for him to eat his breakfast, 15 minutes to brush his teeth and 15 minutes to get his shoes and outdoor clothes on. If one of us were with him the whole time, we could cut no more than half an hour off that. He gets distracted by his own thoughts and simply forgets what he was doing, so it takes a lot of nudging to keep him on track.


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## crl (May 9, 2004)

I second the suggestion to have him wear his clothes for the next day to bed. That works well for my DS.

I also have better luck if I get him totally ready and then let him play with the time that's left. So maybe if you can arrange it so he gets some play time if he's ready early?

Catherine


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## savannah smiles (May 4, 2004)

A lot of others have already mentioned letting them sleep in their clothes but I wanted to chime in too and let you know how much it's helped us! Of course, this may not work if your child has to wear a crisp uniform!

My dd just entered second grade this week and she can be very pokey in the morning. Sometimes she'd go to the bathroom and fall asleep on the potty.







What I changed over the summer was using an alarm clock to get her up for camp and, when I saw that it worked well with her, I have used it to get her up on school mornings with great success. I spent K and 1st grade doing the gentle kinds of wakeups, complete with backrubs and asking her about her dreams, but it went sour more often than not and I just wasn't wanting to deal with it anymore.








and good luck!


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crl* 
I second the suggestion to have him wear his clothes for the next day to bed. That works well for my DS.

I wish this would work. But, he is a bedwetter, so he pretty much needs to get changed every morning no matter what he is wearing to bed.

He didn't respond to play time as an option if he was ready early last year, but maybe he will this year. I think I will be talking to DH about keeping a store of games on his iPod that DS1 can only play while waiting at the bus stop. That might motivate him.

I am hoping that there are some other kids on the bus that he makes friends with. He is going out of area for a special school, and none of the other kids we know in the neighborhood go there.

At least we will have almost 2 months of figuring out how to get him on the bus on time before the LOs start preschool at the end of October. And, hopefully, we'll have a system worked out before we need to add winter clothing to the mix.


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savannah smiles* 
What I changed over the summer was using an alarm clock to get her up for camp.

DS is independent minded enough that he would love an alarm, but he sleeps right through it.


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

I wonder if he's getting to bed early enough? Why not try moving his bedtime back 1/2 an hour or an hour?

I just read an article somewhere (sorry, don't remember which mag) about a family that had a similar problem. The solution was that they put three Dad Dollars on the counter. If their kids were ready, they got the money. If not, it disappeared (but no negative consequences.) The money could be used to buy snacks, TV time, movies, etc.


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *umsami* 
I wonder if he's getting to bed early enough? Why not try moving his bedtime back 1/2 an hour or an hour?

I just read an article somewhere (sorry, don't remember which mag) about a family that had a similar problem. The solution was that they put three Dad Dollars on the counter. If their kids were ready, they got the money. If not, it disappeared (but no negative consequences.) The money could be used to buy snacks, TV time, movies, etc.

The Dad Dollars idea is interesting.

I know he isn't getting enough sleep and we can't seem to get it right. It usually takes him a long time to wind down and actually fall asleep, so an 8:00 bedtime turns into 9:30 or 10:00 falling asleep. We may need a 7:30 bedtime for the school year, but I hate to do it since it will take away the only one on one time he has with me all day.


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## 4Marmalade (May 4, 2004)

My 6 year old sounds similar







. We have two hours in the morning before the bus and with everything else going on it's sometimes a struggle to get him and everyone else ready on time. He loves company while getting ready and even if I could give it to him every time he still dawdles (one foot in his underwear, sits down, asks some obscure question, picks up a toy and on and on). This is what we do that helps a bit and will be implementing before school starts soon:

- Have a routine and write it out. A poster is made and put up in his room reminding him of the things that need to be done. Getting dressed is first, no if's, and's or but's. This is the hardest one to get done and the one we're always nagging him about. Get the things that need to be done done first. So right after eating breakfast we get teeth done, hair brushed, etc... He loves playing outside so I use this as a motivator to get him some play time before we leave for the bus stop. In the past we set aside special playtime with mom or dad once everything was done if we had extra time.

- No tv on school days.

- Get my stuff done the evening before so I have the extra time in the morning.

- If it came down to it I would probably let him miss the bus one day. He really likes school so I know he would freak out if that happened. I would either drive him later in the day if I was going into town or he would miss the day. I mean, at some point, after helping him and it still not working I would rather he miss the bus and learn the natural consequence than me yell and scream at him (although I have not been the most patient in the past







)

We're a work in progress here. I'm a little nervous about the first few months here not to mention the whole winter gear. This year my dd1 joins the school ranks a couple of days a week and my 14 month old twins will be joining the morning trek to the bus stop. Should be interesting


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

for my six year if she is late for school because she is dawdeling she obviously needs more time in the morning. So we go to bed 15 minutes early and wake up 15 minutes earlier. if she is late again we just keep moving it up.

but he is six and just learning good habits. you are going to have to have really fgood habits also.

It starts when he gets home from school. go through his bag and address anything that needs addressing (permission slips, lunch money, gym clothes, notes, homework etc) pack it all back up and put it in a good spot.

Ava takes her shoes off and put them in her drawer. if she needs shoes she can put on play shoes. that way if she can't remember where she took them off at least she has her school shoes ready. when it is time for coats and gloves we do the same thing. they only have one coat but they have school mittens and school hat and they go with school shoes. all ready to grab regardless of how they played the afternoon before.

Have his back pack and lunch ready the night before. preferable in a spot with nothing else. this would also be a good place to put coat and shoes.

lay out clothes for the next day. including socks and underclothes.

playtime.

supper and bath

go to bed at a reasonable time. if your child has trouble waking up in the morning move bedtime back some. if he still has trouble getting up move it back more. I highly recommend the book the 7:00 bedtime.

wake up earlier than you think you need to. I get up and pee and wash my face and get dressed. then I get the kids up when I am ready to parent them. happily







sometimes I have to get up a lot earlier than them









wake up your son and do not leave him alone until he is up and getting dressed. do NOT allow him to get distracted. once he is up move him strait to the table for breakfast. once breakfast is done strait to the tooth brush, hair brush whatever else needs to get done.

shoes on. now all he has to do is get his coat and bag and go.

this would be a good time to watch cartoons (I have to have my kids ready and to this point 45 minutes before they leave for school because Ileave for work and their older sister babysits them but she really shouldn't have to deal with a cranky 6 year old) or read a book. not a school book.

10 minutes before the bus comes put the coat on and head out to the bus stop together. wait with him and honestly while he is learning I would reward him for having a good attitude (lets face it getting up and getting ready for school sucks!) I sticker on his back pack, or maybe pins that collect beads. something small and fun. or maybe even a little peice of candy for his lunch box or a peice of gum on the way home.

He is six. you catch or miss the bus together. if he misses give him a ride. no need to punish. its just as much your fault. but stress that next time you need to work together better to catch the bus.

if he is missing because he dawdles you need to work consistantly with him all day every day on staying on task. my six year old is soooooo slow. I have to constantly encourage her to stay focused and keep moving. it takes more energy for me to siomply get her up and dressed in the morning than it takes to get everyone else in the house including the dog ready for the day! but it is my job to teach her how to get herself ready in the morning. this is hard and it has taken me 35 yerars to really get it together because my parents just expected me to know how to do this. (well and growing up in a warmer client it was also easier. no hats or mitten or scarves...the bane of my existance.)

anyway, it is your job to be organized and be very proactive (attatched at the ho kind of proactive) about helping him stay on task and get ready for the day.


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## RoundAbout (Aug 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
f
He is six. you catch or miss the bus together. if he misses give him a ride. no need to punish. its just as much your fault. but stress that next time you need to work together better to catch the bus.


This and to not that kids don't often have a good sense of time. Heck many adults don't.

I would also serve breakfast completely last and make it something grab-and-go like a granola bar or peanut butter toast. Make him eat it while waiting at the bus stop if he doesn't have time at home. Not ideal, but better than missing the bus.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

Could it be that you're giving him too much time in the mornings?

I know that if we wake up an hour before we want to leave, DH, DD and I just poke around and do things really slow and we struggle to leave the home "on time". But when we over sleep the alarm and have 20 to 30 minutes to leave when we want to, then we always manage to get out the door at the right time.

That way we don't have any time to waste. We get dressed, eat breakfast and go. Since DD needs to be awake for awhile before eating (which is why we normally wake up early) we will take her breakfast in the car with us.


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## K-Mom3 (Apr 27, 2009)

First, I TOTALLY understand about a child that takes FOREVER to get a very small list of things done. I have a child, also, who is very hard to motivate. On many days, he only works on getting himself ready if I am in the room, prodding him. I am trying to move away from that. So....

Contests are often helpful for my ds. We have a race against a song (I pick a song of appropriate length) or against a task that I am working on or against a sibling. So I'll say something like "Whoever is dressed by the end of [x song] gets chocolate syrup on their pancakes" Or.."let's see if you can put on your shoes and backpack by the time I finish changing this diaper."

Here's an idea from a parent of a special needs child. Make a picture chart/list of all the tasks he is supposed to do, in order. Whenever he is not on task with his chart, you put his favorite toy (video game? whatever motivates him) in toy time out. For some kids, it doesn't even matter if they are allowed to use the toy during the morning routine or not. Just the fact that you have it and they are not allowed access to it is a big deal. Then, when he starts doing his tasks again, take the toy out of toy time out again. I think it makes sense to have a reward for completing the list on time as well. What motivates him? What does he like to do? Does he have foods that motivate him? I think that short term AND long term rewards is good, too. Like, every day he gets a cookie in his lunch box if he's ready on time and if he's on time every day for two weeks, you have a baking project together of his choosing.

Sorry I'm listing so many foods as rewards. I must be hungry.









I also want to mention about your DH--I heard in a lecture recently that punishing with intimidation or violence often DOES get rid of the problem behavior but the problem behavior is usually replaced by another one. Fear doesn't really get to the root of the problem. Perhaps that fact could help persuade him to stop?


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

I worked at a summer camp for a few years in a cabin full of 6-8 year olds. One thing that really helped to get them up in the morning was music. Something fun and loud and upbeat. It even gets the counselors moving. Its very hard to sleep when there is catchy upbeat music playing. Interestingly, it also helped get them all to sleep, but then we opted for quiet, relaxing music.

Also, how much input is he capable of giving in the process? When I was growing up, my parents insisted that I get up far too early. I really needed about 30 minutes to get ready, but they insisted on an hour and a half. I resented having to get up that early and consequently often went back to sleep and we struggled over it as long as I lived with them. There's just no reward big enough to make you get out of bed, finish getting ready, and then sit around and do nothing for an hour, you know? You might ask if he wants more time, or less time, or if he feels it is just right. If he wants less, tell him you'll do a practice run on a non-school day and if he can do it in less time, then you'll allow it so long as he continues to be ready on time.

Another idea, is to use a reward. I once took over a cabin of 7-8 year old boys who simply couldn't finish their showers on time (showers started at a certain time, and they were never finished by lights out, over an hour later) I explained that in order to get this done one time, every needed to spend 5 minutes or less in the shower, BUT they all had to soap and shampoo while they were in there. If everyone did this, there would be a treat. They got very excited about trying to beat their own times (some had to be sent back to finish rinsing shampoo out, but no big deal) and they all wanted the treat. The first night I used a story AND the promise of M&Ms in the morning (they rarely got candy). It got done with time to spare. After that, we used just the story, but they worked very hard to get a story every night. What could you use as a reward for your son? Does he get alot of TV? Maybe if he finishes early he gets to watch TV until the bus comes? Obviously if he's not ready, he misses his program. Maybe if he's early he gets to pack a snack of his choice (be sure to keep choice items on hand) but if hes not, no snack, or something boring. Or, maybe if hes in the kitchen by X time, he gets to pick his breakfast out of some preapproved options, but if hes late, you pick. You could even say, breakfast goes on the table at X time, and put it out then. No one likes soggy cereal, I'd make sure I was there on time after a few bouts of soggy cereal.


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## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hergrace* 
The Dad Dollars idea is interesting.

I know he isn't getting enough sleep and we can't seem to get it right. It usually takes him a long time to wind down and actually fall asleep, so an 8:00 bedtime turns into 9:30 or 10:00 falling asleep. We may need a 7:30 bedtime for the school year, but I hate to do it since it will take away the only one on one time he has with me all day.

Would it help to move his bedtime significantly earlier, and make your one on one time in the morning??? That way you both have more sleep (you might need to move your own bedtime up too if you can...), and you and dh are *planning* to spend the hour with him in the morning and so will have more energy to relax into it? Good luck, my dd is pokey in the mornings too and it drives me a bit insane at times...


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I've had a lot of experience with my daughter being late to school. Sometimes it is my fault, sometimes it really is her fault, and sometimes it's just that I don't care enough. I felt like I was constantly standing over her just to get her to move, move, move, but she had no concept of hurrying and resisted it. And then she'd be angry she was late. So I stopped getting angry, and I'd only tell her once or twice about the timing of things, then she'd be late, have to get a slip, and would tell me how it was all my fault.

There were times when we'd be ready, she was up and dressed, shoes on, jacket on, and as we were crossing the threshold into the garage, she'd freak out about how her shoes were uncomfortable or her shirt was wrong, and she'd go back in and change it. At that point it was either let her be late and take the no recess consequence at school, or physically herd her out the door, not allowing her to change whatever it is she wanted to change.

I started setting the kitchen buzzer and having it go off about 5 minutes before we had to leave. That worked for awhile, but then we got desensitized to it, even with it buzzing.

We've been doing better now that she is older. She started riding the bus last year. Honestly, she hates riding the bus, but seems more willing to do it in the morning since she'll get to school quickly. Riding home takes much longer and delays her arrival time to our house. So generally, if she is good about trying to get to the bus on time in the morning, and doesn't balk and get angry, I will pick her up in the afternoon. If she just refuses to get on the bus in the morning, which she will do if she thinks she is going to be late and miss it (one day she hid around the side of the house instead of walking to the bus stop, because she said she would have to run to catch it and the kids would laugh at her), then I drive her there and tell her to ride the bus home in the afternoon.

I also agree that if you know you have 2 hours in the morning, you end up doing other things, and then having to go to school seems like way too big of a switch or something. If we just get up, throw on clothes, eat a quick breakfast and go, it works better.


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm still working through them to see what might work. It is really hard to come up with a plan that we can be really consistent about with 2-year old triplets are in the mix.

I want to say that DH isn't violent with DS1. When he totally loses his temper, he grabs and DS1 and holds him still. It looks like a shake because DS1 is always in motion, but it is really just a forceful, stilling grab. It doesn't happen often and DH is working on it.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I really like lilyka's ideas.

Also, music in the morning is a good idea, as well as making sure you get the 6 year old up BEFORE the triplets.


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## thixle (Sep 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hergrace* 
I want to say that DH isn't violent with DS1. When he totally loses his temper, he grabs and DS1 and holds him still. It looks like a shake because DS1 is always in motion, but it is really just a forceful, stilling grab. It doesn't happen often and DH is working on it.

Aw, man, I know that gesture, Dh has used it a couple times, too. Definately gets the kid's attention in the moment (but then makes my kiddo dissolve and still nothing is accomplished).









I have a dawdler, too... We started a sticker chart before school started and it's working really well. She switched to making check marks (hurray!!!). And hurries up to get her list done so she can watch WordWorld on PBS (she's 4).

Some days I put her clothes on her while she's still in the bed. As in, "Honey, time to wake up. I'm going to change your pants for you." 30 seconds. She usually sits up and puts her arms through her shirt, them bumbles with her socks and shoes for a few minutes... Then she goes to the potty and brushes her hair. Sometimes, I put her shoes on for her while she sits there and blinks. I guess I get her dressed before she has a chance to be coherent enough to object.

I read your son is not consistently dry at night-- does he sleep in protective pants or pull-ups? Waking up wet absolutely kills DD's mood for the. rest. of. the. day. And hauling her into the shower, etc is _horrid_... I buy disposables because when she pees, she peeeeeeeeees and no amount of cloth is going to contain it... Sometimes, she still wets through disposables.

Anyway, then we do backpack, she checks the cat's food, then breakfast (important here), and finally teeth. Occasionally, she will just have to brush teeth when she gets home.


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heartmama* 
Also, music in the morning is a good idea, as well as making sure you get the 6 year old up BEFORE the triplets.

Music sounds good.

The trio are up at 5:30, so we can actually get them all ready to go except outdoor clothes before he is even out of bed.

Reading that, a good solution would probably be to make sure that DH and I are both ready to go before DS1 wakes up. But, I'm not sure I will be able to convince DH of that. Oh well, it will be worth a try.


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thixle* 
I read your son is not consistently dry at night-- does he sleep in protective pants or pull-ups? Waking up wet absolutely kills DD's mood for the. rest. of. the. day. And hauling her into the shower, etc is _horrid_... I buy disposables because when she pees, she peeeeeeeeees and no amount of cloth is going to contain it... Sometimes, she still wets through disposables.

DS doesn't care one way or the other about waking up wet, but he does mind wearing a pull-up, so I just do a lot of laundry. And, he actually quite likes a shower in the morning.


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

It sounds like he really does need an earlier bedtime, and to not have the chance to dawdle in the mornings excessively. I'll be honest, this was a problem my dd had as well- and coupling that with my needing to get out the door to work it was a recipe for disaster. I was tired of the battle, and I was tired of having to pull teeth to get her ready.

Finally I realized that I have to make her change her behavior patterns, not just do what I'm asking of her. I also realized that I was as much a part of the problem as she was.

I set my alarm an hour earlier, and made sure that I was completely dressed and ready before waking her. This also gave me time for a cup of tea and some peace as I woke.

I put an alarm clock in her room. It was across the room so she had to get out of bed to turn it off. I guarantee that there is one out there loud enough and obnoxious enough to wake your child, you just have to do some digging to find it.

Clothes are always laid out the night before- the backpack was right beside the door packed and ready. Though we aren't really big on wearing shoes in the house, she was not allowed to step out of her room without clothes on including socks and shoes.

When her hair was long, asking her to do it herself didn't work. I stepped in and took care of that for her. She's had it cut short since then, and is older, so hair hasn't been an issue in a while.

An electric toothbrush with a built in timer took care of the toothbrushing issue.

Breakfast was a challenge and she fought having to eat that early at every turn. Eventually, I just arranged for her to eat breakfast at school. Her body isn't ready for food within 2 hours of waking, and neither is mine, so we compromised.

Consequences for being late? Obviously that meant we had to get up earlier the next day, which meant going to bed earlier the night before.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

If you start bed time at 8:30 and he is not asleep until 10:00 you need to start bedtime closer to 6:00 so that he is asleep by 8: or 8:30. you need a really good bedtime routien (all afternoon until bed routien - your triplettes will benefit from it too most likely) so if does not take him so long to wind down.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

"he gets lost in his own thoughts"

A timer would probably help with that, a lot of kids really enjoy racing a clock.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:

The trio are up at 5:30, so we can actually get them all ready to go except outdoor clothes before he is even out of bed.
If this is the case then either you or dh should be able to be with DS while he's getting ready & get that extra 30minutes you mentioned cut off.

Getting dressed - if you have to physically take his clothes off & put his other clothes on. Should take 5minutes max.

Getting out of bed - if you're waking him & letting him get himself out of bed, wake him up earlier & stand there reminding him it's time to get out of bed. if you are going to physically help him get ready, then you could let him sleep in later which would help with his bedtime too.

Brushing teeth/eating - set his toothbrush & stuff up while he's eating. Or have him brush his teeth(with a timer) & eat while waiting for the bus.

Even with 3 2yo's if there are 2 adults in the house this entire time it shouldn't be much of a problem to get him up & out of the house in under 40 minutes.

If he sleeps through an alarm, would he wake up to an alarm that plays music?

I would NOT purposely take the littles off to playschool & drop DS off after so he can have consequences at school for being late. At age 6 it is the parent's job to get the kid to school on time.

I have an 8yo who doddles, she gets constant(every 2-3 minutes) to keep her on track.


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## spirit4ever (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
If you start bed time at 8:30 and he is not asleep until 10:00 you need to start bedtime closer to 6:00 so that he is asleep by 8: or 8:30. you need a really good bedtime routien (all afternoon until bed routien - your triplettes will benefit from it too most likely) so if does not take him so long to wind down.

It really does sound like he is not getting enough sleep, I would move bedtime to 7ish and see how that goes! My ds was 6 last year, and he is an early riser but I had to make a point to do bedtime earlier! That even meant not going out on school nights cause dh sucks with the bedtime part!!


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## joensally (Jun 19, 2006)

Read this and your thread re emotional OEs. Some random thoughts from a parent with similar issues:

-I recommend Sleepless in America. It's by the same author as Spirited Kids (Kurcinka) and it really did uncover some things we were doing that were undermining getting to sleep.

-Have you tried melatonin? 1.5 mg is a good dose for a six year old. We're now using one with 5HTP and LTheanine that's really helping as it also boosts seratonin level which may help with the emotional OEs. I got it at Shopper's Drug Mart.

-Personally, I would invest 10 minutes of my morning in getting him dressed and teeth brushed directly. If he wants to shower, I'd stand outside with a timer while DH has the triplets. My son is a morning bird but highly distractable, and DD is a surly bag (really!) in the morning. When we have to get out the door, I forget what they "can" or "should" do for themselves and just get it done in a timely manner. They'll figure it out for themselves when they're older (ie how to get themselves out on time, or the consequences of not doing so which will be solely their own). For now, I just need them out the door on time.

-We can all tell time, but have a poor sense of it. Every year, I've always been shooting for the last possible moment when we won't be late. Now, I shoot for 15 minutes before that.

-I have also started getting up and getting my own stuff done first so _my_ mind isn't splitting in one more direction. I wonder if you could do triplets, you, son, outer wear? 530. Ugh.


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