# HELP! where to bury her?



## strmis (Dec 31, 2006)

hi
i have a pressing question for my baby girl.
we miscarried early this morning (about 430am). we had originally thought my body had broken her down much more, but apparently not.

upon looking at her, she is about 19 weeks along. about 9.5" long head to toe, and with the placenta weighs nearly a pound.

i'm not sure what the laws are here where i live. i'm in long beach, ca. (thats south of LA). she is too large to bury at the beach (which is what i originally wanted to do). we asked our midwife but she had no suggestions because she is so big.

my thoughts are to call our church (i'm catholic), but i dont know the parish particularly well. in addition, i dont know if it would require a death certificate and the whole process of that because we did deliver her privately at home, outside the hospital.

i dont want to get in trouble for any reason, would calling a funeral home or the hospital be considered "turning ourselves in" for... i dont know what? again, i'm not sure what the laws are around here or where i can find that information. so, any help i can get (soon hopefully, before she decays) i appreciate. thanks so much!


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## Josette Marie (May 13, 2006)

I am catholic too.I buried my twins on church grounds. I asked the priest first and he had an area that is reserved for that. I am glad I get to visit them often.

You might also call a catholic cemetery. They also have areas for that.

I am deeply sorry for you loss.


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## Josette Marie (May 13, 2006)

I am more of a traditional catholic. If you would like the name of a traditional church near you where the priests will be very understanding and offer suggestions, IM and I will give you more info.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

I live in Long Beach also, and lost a baby at 24 weeks (induced in a hospital at 27 weeks because I didn't start labor spontaneously after she died). California does not require a certificate of fetal demise until 20 weeks, so I don't think that you would have any sort of legal trouble. I was at Memorial Hospital, and the chaplain there, Sharon Yagerlerner, was very knowledgeable about this kind of thing. If you have any more questions after you pm with the pp, or if you just want to talk to someone, you can reach her at (562) 933-1454 (that's the contact number for the perinatal bereavement group she runs).

It also occurs to me, St. Mary's is a Catholic hospital of course, and they might also have people who can help with this issue.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Most states don't have laws about that kind of thing until 20+ weeks. I think you could call a local mortuary and talk with them, or like a pp suggested call a local Catholic hospital if you wanted to a Catholic service. I am very sorry for your loss. i know things must be compounded by these worries.







s


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## strmis (Dec 31, 2006)

Thank you ladies. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help







. I'm going to follow up on those contacts tomorrow.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

I am so, so sorry that you lost your baby girl. I will keep you in my prayers.

Keri


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

i am so sorry you have lost your daughter. you will be in my thoughts...
i hope you will find a way to bury your daughter that feels right. i am so sorry.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

BTW strmis, was your miscarriage explained? After my late miscarriage I was made aware that in case of unexplained miscarriage after 12 weeks, it's a good idea to get a perinatologist or a hematologist to test you for thrombophilia disorders. Even if you do not plan to have any more children, it's a good idea to know because it can impact your own future health.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

Mama

I have nothing else to suggest but didn't want to read without saying something.

I hope you find whats right for you and I wish yo upeace

tara


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Nettie (May 26, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss.







I hope you find the solution that is best for your family.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your DD.







I hope you find the place to lay her to rest that fits her.







s


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

I am so very sorry.


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## Cherries10700 (Aug 9, 2006)

I am very sorry for your loss.


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## yankeeinUK (Jan 1, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss! And for what you've had to go through - it must have been very physically and emotionally painful for you.

I can't imagine how you would be in trouble for miscarrying, but it sounds like you don't have to worry about the legalities, anyway. I'm glad to hear you're Catholic, because I was going to suggest calling a priest. He may suggest naming her and having a Mass said for her, which may help you with your grieving. God bless you.


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## maisiedotes (Jan 2, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the perfect place for your little girl.

We had our son creamated and are planning to plant a tree for him and do a little meditation garden in the back yard. We will sprinkle his ashes around the base of the tree (underground) and keep the rest in case we move in the future. I know this is probably not the ideal solution for you but I did want to tell you what we are doing.


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## sarahsdaisies (Dec 30, 2006)

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find a good solution for your baby girl.

Hugs









Sarah


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

I am so sorry you have lost you Baby Girl. I wish you many moments of peace.

About questioning a burial for her, I would suggest calling your priest as well.








and many







to you.


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## strmis (Dec 31, 2006)

I know I say this everytime, but thank you ladies so much for all your support. I called around and asked about different services and in the ultimately just ended up burying her in a large pot with a dainty flowering tree. Very girly, just like how I'd want it for our little girl.

My dh and I thought of calling a priest, but ended up doing it ourselves. We just wnated our last physical moment with her to be us, as a family. Dh and I got dressed nice, we washed her off and i swaddled her in a tiny white fleece blanket (more like a scrap from a larger piece). We kept the original piece and use it as a "security blanket". (its draped over my legs right now).

Now she's buried in a large pot in our balcony. It ended up being just right for us.
You have all been so helpful! Really, words cannot express how truly grateful I am for having found this website and all the support and love that can be found through it.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

I think that sounds perfect. And, her name is beautiful.







s








Savannah Joy


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I am glad you found what works best







It sounds so perfect for a little girl.








Savannah


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