# Would you and your kids live with a smoker (who doesn't smoke in the house) for a year to save $18,000?



## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

We are building a house, and have the option of living with my dad for a year, or renting an apt. My dad is a chain smoker, and smoked around me and my sis our entire lives (ick) but he agreed to not smoke in the house while we were living there. I still hate having my babies exposed in any way, but we would be saving like $18,000. I guess its a concern of "third hand" smoke. WWYD?


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Well, my dh smokes. As much as I hate it and want him to stop, he's a grown up who gets to make his own decisions. He only smokes outside. So, I guess I would, because I do!


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

No, I wouldnt expose my ds or myself to that, even third hand. Especially if someone smoked in the house before us living there.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

Well, he is actually building a house next to us, but his is going to be built first, so it would be a brand new, smoke free house, if that means anything.


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## Three~Little~Birds (Jan 10, 2005)

I would.


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## MamieCole (Jun 1, 2007)

I wouldn't do it, unless my only other option was being homeless.

Granted, I think cigarette smoke is the worst smell on Earth and I am super sensitive to it.

It's great that he agreed to smoke outside only, but if he is a chain smoker, the house and all the stuff in it is already coated in tar/nicotine residue and stink. Plus when he comes in, he will stink of smoke.

I just couldn't do it. I would be too grossed out and wouldn't want to risk the exposure to my kids.

But that's me. I certainly wouldn't judge you for doing it. $18,000 is a lot of money.

ETA: Just saw your second post. I still couldn't do it, but it helps that it's a never been smoked in house.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

It IS, and we desperately need it so we can pay down some of our debt...ugh. I know its a "drop in the bucket" compared to what I dealt with as a child (long car rides with my dad smoking with the windows shut, constant smoking in the house all the years growing up, but still. Its not ok, and I don't want my kids exposed at ALL, but its a hard situation. I certainly would never allow smoking around them ever, but this is a little different, right?


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## ElaynesMom (May 24, 2008)

Yes, I would. 18000 is a lot of money, especially if it would help pay off debt. It's not ideal, but it is just for 1 year and he will be smoking outside. I may be biased however as my dh is on his third month smoke free, and obviously me and my dd lived with him while he was smoking (only outside) prior to those three months.


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

A new house, yes, as long as he does only smoke outside. Otherwise, not unless my only other option was a cardboard box. I quit 14 years ago and am so far removed it now that even walking into mil's home makes me ill. I was in her vehicle today and the lingering stuff was making my face itch.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

If I were going to be homeless or another living situation I felt would be even more dangerous than the smoke/chemicals/toxin exposure then I would live with a smoker.

Otherwise, no way. I would just want to avoid the possibly permanent damage to growing lungs that would happen. Additionally, I would be really afraid my relationship with the smoker would suffer (in the summer, is the place air conditioned--- would the smoke be coming in the window; in the winter is he going to be happy going outside all the time to smoke; would you be putting your coats in the same closets; would he be touching your children after smoking/having smoke in his hair/on his clothes).

Not worth it for me!


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Given that it's a new house, and so the house won't be covered in leftover smoke, I'd consider it. If it were an old house, never. Really, for a heavy smoker, you have to rip out the carpet, replace the furniture and scrub down the walls to get rid of the smoke.

I'd want to make sure that all the furniture was cleaned and that there were new drapes/window treatments, and new carpets. I'd make sure that my dad had a place to put his cigarette butts so that they didn't become a hazard to his grandkids. And then, if you're 100% certain that he'd never smoke in the house, even when you're not there, I'd probably do it.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Given the situation you've outlined, I think I would do it. It's definitely going to be on clothing, but with a new house and freshly cleaned furniture, etc. I think it would be fine.

Especially since you're building houses next door to one another, I presume that your kids will continue to visit him after both houses are done, and he'll probably go back to smoking indoors once you're not living there; or else he'll still come visit at your house, wearing clothes he's smoked in, so they'll have a low level of daily exposure long term anyway.


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## dayiscoming2006 (Jun 12, 2007)

I've done it. I only lived with my parents for a total of a month with my kids but they are very regular smokers and have smoked in the house whenever we weren't visiting. They go outside when we visit which I actually really appreciate as it is their house, but at the same time, I told them we couldn't handle it and wouldn't want our kids around them while they are smoking (at least inside.) And they get it.

They know they were wrong to smoke around us too but that was a choice they made. I still have breathing issues that I think are definitely related to the second hand smoke. But, what you are describing doesn't sound all that bad. You won't live with him forever and $18,000 is a lot of money!

Your kids should be fine.


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## DahliaRW (Apr 16, 2005)

I would insist your dad have a "smoking jacket" he put on over his clothes when smoking, that stays outside as well. That will help with him bringing back the odor and chemicals into the house.


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## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

It really depends on the relationship with your dad. If you feel that he will be fine with going outside and won't pull a guilt trip and won't mind taking off his jacket and washing his hands and face when he comes in then I would do it. My DH smoked until recently (outside). I made him keep his jacket outside and wash his hands and face when he came in but you could still smell it a little. Not enough to make me worry about the kids though. My main concern would be that an older chain smoker would be so entrenched in his ways that he would find it really hard to adjust to your expectations and it might cause friction.


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

I would but currently do DH smokes and I used to. And I am not all that concerned over third hand smoke. I think there are worse things out there. Which I know a lot of people are concerned with it. I'm just not.


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## dayiscoming2006 (Jun 12, 2007)

Nice thought, but I doubt any average guy or gal would be willing to go to all that trouble. I agree with the pp who said third hand smoke isn't the worst thing in the world. And, the situation won't last forever. If she was paying to stay with him, then maybe she'd be able to convince him to go to greater lengths (still doubt it) but since living there is probably pretty much free, OP should be happy that he goes outside to smoke.

Even more unlikely is her dad going to the trouble of washing his hands and face or whatever after smoking like a PP mentioned.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *DahliaRW*
> 
> I would insist your dad have a "smoking jacket" he put on over his clothes when smoking, that stays outside as well. That will help with him bringing back the odor and chemicals into the house.


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## nononose (Oct 6, 2010)

I would assume that since you are building houses next to each other, your children and yourself are going to spend a great deal of time with him anyway; in his house or not. It would bother me, but I would certainly do it. I just hope he does live up to his end of the bargain of not smoking inside - if he truly is a chain smoker, that will be quite the adjustment. I was a smoker before getting pregnant, and I'm aware of how easy it is to justify lighting up "just once", and how smokers really aren't aware of just how evident the smell is. The excuses that run through the head of a smoker - I still can't believe how affected I was. And just how obvious it was after I quit! I do believe that an otherwise healthy lifestyle will help offset the temporary bad effects. And yes, make sure he has a special place to put all the butts! It might even improve things - he might get used to not smoking inside (and realize how much easier the house is to clean!!) and make that his new norm. Good luck!


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## HeatherAtHome (Apr 4, 2009)

Yes I would, especially with the info given in your second post.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *eclipse*
> 
> Well, my dh smokes. As much as I hate it and want him to stop, he's a grown up who gets to make his own decisions. He only smokes outside. So, I guess I would, because I do!


Ditto.


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## Medic2Midwife (Mar 1, 2011)

Houses can be cleaned and if you need to save the cash it's a great chance to do that. If you're willing to run the washing machine on everything, buy a costco size bottle of febreze and possibly wash the walls as well as steam clean the floors, the concerns of secondary exposure from the house will be eliminated. I move about every 3 years and someone I never knew is always in the house I move into before me, we had smokers that lived in my most current home before us... and it only took a good scrub and a day or two of open windows and lots of candles to get the smell out.


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## elus0814 (Sep 21, 2009)

I would. I grew up with a smoker, same as you with it in the car and the windows just barely cracked or closed. I might consider asking he wear a 'smoking jacket' but would never insist. Just about anywhere you could live might have has a former resident who was a smoker. Since it's a new house and he's not smoking inside I wouldn't worry about it although I would try to open windows when possible.


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## Sharon RN (Sep 6, 2006)

My dh is a smoker, but usually only like 1 cigarette a day- and some days (like today) no cigs. So, a very light smoker. So, I would consider it. *However:*

Make sure everyone has an agreement on what "going outside all the time" means. Because even my totally not chain-smoking husband has tried to sneak cigarettes in the powder room, like I wouldn't notice. Or if it's raining, he'll smoke in the garage which I consider STILL inside. So, he may say he'll always go outside... unless the kids are asleep, then he may think it's ok to light up in the living room... or if it's raining he'll stand at the door with the door open... I'm not saying he'll do these things, I'm just saying you guys need to agree to what the boundaries are. As in, inside the living areas is never ok, but the garage is fine. (The garage is fine for most people, but at least in our garage, the smoke filters inside the house and the door to the garage is right by the living room. Ick.)

I also grew up with smokers, and my siblings and are were always sick, I had chronic ear infections and have now lost most of my hearing (I have a new hearing implant, a BAHA, which is nice, but I can't even work anymore) so not exposing my kids to lots of smoke is a major issue for me. In fact, talking to my ENT today, I found out I have to have 2 more surgeries, even after the two I've already had! Could this have happened anyway? Sure. But did growing up with chain smokers help? Absolutely not.

But, smokers are people, too, and it's an addiction as well as a relaxation technique and a social outlet for many people. If I lived with a smoker (and, I do) I don't want to make him feel like a horrible person for doing this activity he chose to do. Do I still beg him to quit? Sure. But, I'll take 5 cigarettes a week, outside (or, at the door to the garage with the garage door open), if it helps my dh overall mood.

I think it's doable, and a great way to save $, but come to an agreement on boundaries that everyone can live with. That way, you can protect your children and your father can still make his own choices.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

In a new house, as long as you are confident your dad really will smoke outside and you generally have a good relationship with him, then yes, I would.

I would have a harder time moving into a home he had been smoking in for a long time, but a new home would be fine. My inlaws smoke, but have never smoked in their house since they built it 7 years ago. Honestly, if I didn't know they were smokers I would have no idea based on their house. There is no smell. If we ever needed to move in with them for some reason, I wouldn't give a second thought to their outdoor smoking.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Nope, never. My childs health and life aren't worth the savings.


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## Eclipsepearl (May 20, 2007)

I wouldn't do anything that put my child's life and health in danger but I don't think this is. Second hand smoke is deadly but the smoke wouldn't be in the house. The tiny amount he'd bring in wouldn't really be an issue and it would be for a limited time, not their whole childhood.

If it's a new home and he goes outside, that should keep the exposure to a minimum.

I originally married a smoker. When we had kids, he would go outside (we bought an apartment with a big balcony partly for this reason) and he would change his T-shirt in summer and had a "smoking" jacket in winter.

Eventually, the restrictions made him smoke less and less and when he saw how the kids disapproved, that prompted him to quit. Often ex-smokers will cite some sort of shake-up to their routine as a prompt to quit. Of course, it was a classic case of being careful with what you wish for. He's now a militant anti-smoker.

Save the money and don't feel guilty!


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## HikeMama (Feb 12, 2009)

I definitely would and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either. Ask your dad to smoke a few yards away from the doors and take measures not to smell it on him when he comes in. I like the smoking jacket idea. I don't think it will negatively effect their health more than a negligible amount, but parents stressing over debt in the long run could totally effect all of you negatively.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Medic2Midwife*
> 
> Houses can be cleaned and if you need to save the cash it's a great chance to do that. If you're willing to run the washing machine on everything, buy a costco size bottle of febreze and possibly wash the walls as well as steam clean the floors, the concerns of secondary exposure from the house will be eliminated. I move about every 3 years and someone I never knew is always in the house I move into before me, we had smokers that lived in my most current home before us... and it only took a good scrub and a day or two of open windows and lots of candles to get the smell out.


 Am I the only one who would find the Febreze more problematic than the smoke?


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## HikeMama (Feb 12, 2009)

oh yeah, definitely don't Febreeze. Not good for the lungs. You can clean with some vinegar and water with essential oil in it to make it smell good. For carpets or upholstery you can use baking soda and again, essential oil if you want it scented. I don't do scents much.


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

I would, as long as the agreement was satisfactory in terms of what "outside" means, etc. BUT..be sure you actually SAVE the money you will supposed to be saving. I know that it becomes easy to simply raise your standard of living i.e., buy more stuff, toys, games, eat out more, etc, instead of making sure to use that money you are saving to ACTUALLY pay down the debt.


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## Sol_y_Paz (Feb 6, 2009)

If the person was someone I really loved and wanted to live with and I knew they would stay outside probably so.


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## Ella Enchanted (Mar 6, 2011)

Considering it'll be a brand new, smoke-free house, and he will smoke outside, then yes.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

You couldn't pay me enough money to live with either of my parents for a year







I love my parents but trying to be a parent under their roof just sounds like a nightmare to me.

But if your relationship with him is not an issue then I would do it for sure.


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## dayiscoming2006 (Jun 12, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *D_McG*
> 
> You couldn't pay me enough money to live with either of my parents for a year
> 
> ...


That's true too. I lived with my in-laws for 3 months and that SUCKED (FIL is awful and for some reason he doesn't like me though I haven't done anything to provoke him.) And I have lived with my parents a couple of times for a bit and that also SUCKED. But, yeah, it does depend on your relationship. One issue for me with my parents was that my dad couldn't stand all the extra clutter we brought into their home with our clothes and baby stuff, etc. (Mom didn't seem to care.) My dad was going crazy as he likes things somewhat organized. So, we cut our stay with them short and got an apartment. Anyway, I prefer to only see my parents occasionally. I'm probably alright if I only get to talk to them on the phone, if I'm honest. We just don't have that much in common.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Only if homelessness was the only other choice.


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