# Do you let your child go UP the slide??



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

We have this conversation every so often here at Mothering, and it's always interesting to hear everyone else's perspective. We have some new moms here and I'd love to hear their input on this.

My rule is generally yes UNLESS:


It's really busy
There are comparatively little kids playing on the slides who could get hurt
You can't see the top of the slide from the bottom
Otherwise, I'm fine with them using the slide in creative ways. In fact, I like to see them be creative and think outside the box at the playground.


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## Catwmandu (Jun 10, 2007)

Same here. I also try and be considerate if it's extra muddy. I don't want their mud messing up some other kids clothing.

I'm all for them building whatever skills they need to build. I do think I started out as a "slides are meant for going down" reaction - then thought to myself why.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

My kids are allowed to go up slides as long as:

*The slide is empty.


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

As long as there aren't kids wanting to go down it, I am fine with that.


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## baltmom (Nov 8, 2011)

Yes, with all the same conditions PPs have mentioned. I also started out thinking it was against playground etiquette, but gross motor skills don't tend to be my son's strongest point, but he's drawn to going up slides, and it works muscle groups he doesn't explore much otherwise.


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## Red Pajama (Jun 11, 2007)

Yes, with similar conditions mentioned upthread. I don't want to monitor too closely what and how they play, so the whole "down only on slides" thing is over the top to me.


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## Banana731 (Aug 4, 2006)

Yeah, I'm totally with the PPs on this as well.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Yes, as long as no-one is trying to come down.


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## Chloe'sMama (Oct 14, 2008)

I usually say no when we are at public playgrounds if there are other kids there. I have 2 little ones to follow around, so I have a hard time just telling dds not to go up if someone is trying to use it, since I will often not be right there to make sure they remember to check to make sure it is actually open and that no-one is wanting to use it. We do have a playset at our house with a twisty slide, so the kids are welcome to go up that all they want, but I really don't let them go up at public parks when other kids are there.


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

I usually say no to be consistent. *eek* am I a tough cookie or what...lol


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## Angelorum (Aug 5, 2006)

Yup, as long as there's no one trying to come down. Down-sliders get the right of way, hehe. My almost 11 month old spent at least 20 minutes gleefully trying to climb the short slide at the park the other day (we were the only ones there). He'd get his hands up to the top, and think he was home free and put his (slippery) knees down, only to slip back down on his belly giggling. So cute!


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

It really depends. If the park is crowded i generally say no. If there are lots of little ones around, i discourage it only so the littles don't follow their lead and possibly get hurt. If going up the slide is something that can safely be done (not lots of kids wanting to come down, etc) then sure why not.

On the other hand i do not allow climbing on the outside of the play structures (like climbing up the OUTSIDE of a tube slides.)


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

The times I've been at playgrounds recently, there have been parents ineffectually trying to keep their kids from going up the slide. I don't think it's a good idea when there are other kids there, but realistically they're going to try to do it anyway. If everyone there is around the same size (in these recent experiences everyone was in the 2-5 age range) I don't think anybody will probably get much hurt, and if someone gets bonked that functions as a lesson in "Don't climb the slide if someone is trying to go down"... which I do tell her but she doesn't necessarily always listen. IDK, I don't like stalking her every move at the playground.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *erigeron*
> 
> The times I've been at playgrounds recently, there have been parents ineffectually trying to keep their kids from going up the slide. I don't think it's a good idea when there are other kids there, but realistically they're going to try to do it anyway. If everyone there is around the same size (in these recent experiences everyone was in the 2-5 age range) I don't think anybody will probably get much hurt, and if someone gets bonked that functions as a lesson in "Don't climb the slide if someone is trying to go down"... which I do tell her but she doesn't necessarily always listen. IDK, I don't like stalking her every move at the playground.


I'm a pretty permissive parent...but if my kids dont listen to me at the playground we leave. I can see this being more difficult with a young toddler who might not really get "please dont go up the slide" but then a child of that age is probably mostly hovering around the bottom of the slide rather than actually going all the way up anyway, but if a child is that young you're probably going to "stalk her every move" anyway (or at least follow her around/stay close by)...id think? The kids that seem to want to go UP the slide around here seem to be more in the 5+ range.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *queenjane*
> 
> It really depends. If the park is crowded i generally say no. If there are lots of little ones around, i discourage it only so the littles don't follow their lead and possibly get hurt. If going up the slide is something that can safely be done (not lots of kids wanting to come down, etc) then sure why not.
> 
> On the other hand i do not allow climbing on the outside of the play structures (like climbing up the OUTSIDE of a tube slides.)


With my kids, and the Pre-K kids I've taught, climbing up the slide is perfectly acceptable if there's no one waiting. They aren't allowed to climb inside tube or up curved slides because they can't see if someone's coming. But, climbing up the outside of a tube slide is fine with me (with my own kids, not in a school situation.)


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

right of way to kids going down, thats it.


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## 3lilchunklins (Feb 22, 2012)

It was fine with me till ds broke his wrist doing it. Now going up the slide is a really really big no no for our family!


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

yes... BUT if the park is busy then no. if we are at the park alone or with just our friends (we homeschool so there are time when it is just our group of friends at a park all day long) and that is the game (so everyone knows what is going on) than yes.


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## tabitha (Sep 10, 2002)

No, not even at home. I have 4 kids so there is always someone waiting to go down, and at parks even more so. Also because I have 4 of different sizes. My 115 lb 11 year old could do serious damage to a toddler and never mean to.

When others do go up at public parks I just explain to my kids if they ask that other families have different rules. inevitably, someone else gets hurt on the slide whiile we are at the park. We're homeschoolers who spend two days a week at rotating parks all over the area.

I do let my kids play creatively with equipment, including climbing on the outside so long as their climbing does not endanger others. They spend a lot of their park time climbing trees, as well, which is fine with me so long as no little ones are under the tree. We have tons of fun!


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

My son started going up the slide at ten months. He would climb up ropes and ladders and everyone would freak out! It was crazy. I had to give up trying to shadow him and just trust he wouldn't attempt anything unless he was confident he could do it. He's proven himself to be very agile!!

I will tell him to get out of the way if other kids are trying to go down the slide. They have the right of way as PPs have said LOL.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *queenjane*
> 
> I'm a pretty permissive parent...but if my kids dont listen to me at the playground we leave. I can see this being more difficult with a young toddler who might not really get "please dont go up the slide" but then a child of that age is probably mostly hovering around the bottom of the slide rather than actually going all the way up anyway, but if a child is that young you're probably going to "stalk her every move" anyway (or at least follow her around/stay close by)...id think? The kids that seem to want to go UP the slide around here seem to be more in the 5+ range.


I was at the play area at the mall recently. Almost everyone there was in the 2-5 age range. Nobody was older. Every single kid was trying to go up the slide. It was a real big thing. I remind my daughter to watch for kids going down the slide, but typically in that space I do not need to watch her like a hawk because she is cautious, doesn't do anything that could get her hurt, there aren't kids who are way bigger than her, and she can't get out of the play area without me seeing. The other place we have this discussion is in the church nursery where it is 4 and under only. There we just remind them to watch for kids going down the slide. The slide there is one of those tiny indoor ones.

If there had been bigger kids going down the slide, and there hadn't been 5 other toddlers trying to go up it, my daughter probably wouldn't have even been interested. I would keep more of an eye on her if those situations arose.


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

Absolutely, but only on the straight, open slides when no one is trying to come down. We haven't had any issues at all and for 2.5 year old DD it's good, unusual exercise.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Definitely! Being able to play creatively on the equipment is probably the main reason my oldest, who is now 13, was still playing pretty actively on playgrounds until she was about 11. Now she spends more time walking the dog around the track or climbing trees (she did that before, too).

I think it can be pretty darned challenging for low income parents to find interesting ways for their older kids to stay engaged with the outdoors as they outgrow the "standard" uses for the equipment on many playgrounds. In our case, we started relaxing our hyper-vigilance a couple of years ago and gradually felt more and more okay about letting dd1 roam the neighborhood on her own or with our big lab.

Some parents never reach a point of feeling okay with letting their kids strike off on their own like that -- and if the older kids are just expected to sit on the sidelines once activities like climbing the ladder and sliding down the slide are no longer thrilling for them, or sit in front of a screen at home, how healthy is that?

In all my years at playgrounds, I can't recall any cases of a child being hurt because he was sliding down when someone else started climbing up. It actually seems more likely that a toddler could get hurt while climbing up if an older child suddenly came sliding down, while the risk to the child sliding down seems relatively low. And yet my own girls climbed up all the time as toddlers without ever being hurt by anyone sliding down. Kids really are pretty smart about managing those kinds of interactions.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mammal_mama*
> 
> Definitely! Being able to play creatively on the equipment is probably the main reason my oldest, who is now 13, was still playing pretty actively on playgrounds until she was about 11. Now she spends more time walking the dog around the track or climbing trees (she did that before, too).
> 
> ...


Hm. Well i am both low income and have older kids.

I dont think "climbing up the slide" is the worst thing in the world so i hate to beat the point home...but to me its more about respect for the group rather than risk of injury (the risk of injury would be to the one climbing up most likely, not the one going down)...its like if everyone is running around a track in one direction, sure i suppose its your "right" to run the opposite way even if that means people have to look out for you, dodge you, worry about running into you etc. But its a little rude. If the park is not crowded or all the children agree they are playing the "climb up the slide" game, fine cool whatever. But i'm picturing one park we frequent where there is often lots of kids of various ages. When its busy....if my daughter (who is 11) is climbing UP one of the slides, and someone climbs up to the top from the ladder....what does my daughter do when she gets to the top and now there is a kid and maybe a line of kids behind her waiting to go down? Push past them to go down the ladder? Turn around and slide down? Does the kid at the top wait til my daughter climbs up to the top or should my daughter jump down if she's halfway up? What if its a little one (toddler age) who is hanging out on the slide trying to climb up (but sliding down)...should this be ok or should the parent remove him? Again, if no one is actually using the slide then its not a big deal at all, have at it.

Sure...kids have a way of working this stuff out and none of it is serious business. I dont hover over my kids shouting at them "no climbing up!" or anything like that. However i do notice that not every kid seems as aware of "playground etiquette" as some others. I sometimes encourage my kids to NOT engage in an activity simply to be a good role model to the other kids (so it might be ok for my 11yr old to do something but if that means a gaggle of younger kids will follow her lead i might discourage her from doing that)

I didnt allow my oldest to climb on the outside of tube slides and yet somehow it didnt manage to stunt his desire to explore the city on his own, or go off to college at 16 far from home or spend the summer living in an apt on his own with a couple of friends.









Another park we sometimes visit actually has a "slide" that has three sections, two of which are textured and seem to be designed for climbing UP in addition to sliding down (bump bump bump) which is a cool idea.


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## mama amie (Jul 3, 2011)

I fine with children going up the slide, as long as they are being considerate of others on top and below. We teach our kids to always shout warnings "lookout below, I'm coming down " and check for little ones at the bottom. The one big exception for me would be the stand-alone slides from the olden days of my youth. Since there's no platform to hold multiple kids safely, and it's high enough to hurt if one fell, those need to be used by only one person at a time. Big kids go only on big kid slides if little ones are actively using the little slides. We always remind our kids to look out for our friends and playmates so we can all have fun and be safe.


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## pranava (Aug 11, 2007)

Yes, as long as no one is coming down. His Physical Therapist encourages this as a way to build foot and leg muscle strength.


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tabitha*
> 
> No, not even at home. I have 4 kids so there is always someone waiting to go down, and at parks even more so. Also because I have 4 of different sizes. My 115 lb 11 year old could do serious damage to a toddler and never mean to.
> 
> ...


I think we are the only "no's" lol

I think I also have the elementary teacher thought. Someone always ended up hurt or someone didn't see someone climbing up or going down so I always just simply say no for my son.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I work at a preschool. I only let children go up the slide if there are no other children nearby. If other children are waiting to go down, I make the "upper bound kid" go the correct way.

I have seen some bruises on children who were run into forcefully because a down sliding child collided with them.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Yes, you can go up the slide. The playground is to be played on. I believe that slides, like stairs, go both up and down. There is no "right way" to use it. The same way you have to be considerate of others when you are doing anything you should be considerate when using the slide. Is there possible danger? Yes. There is danger when kids walk past swings but I don't say "you can't swing because someone could walk in front of you and you could kick them" I find the less I regulate the easier it is for kids to work it on their own. They make room for smaller kids to slide down, they help little kids walk up, they wait until there is space for them and then they run pell mell up the slide and swing over the bar and slide down. And this is in a large city park that is often crowded and full of multiaged children


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## ar2974 (Nov 19, 2006)

If there are no other kids playing on it and his feet won't make a wet, dirty mess, yes. Out of consideration for others, if there are other kids playing on it or if it's wet or snowy, I don't let him go up it - if you trail dirt and wet up the slide, then anyone sliding down gets unnecessarily wet. I don't worry too much about stifling his creative play. There are plenty of other things to play with/on.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *queenjane*
> 
> When its busy....if my daughter (who is 11) is climbing UP one of the slides, and someone climbs up to the top from the ladder....what does my daughter do when she gets to the top and now there is a kid and maybe a line of kids behind her waiting to go down? Push past them to go down the ladder? Turn around and slide down? Does the kid at the top wait til my daughter climbs up to the top or should my daughter jump down if she's halfway up?
> 
> *I would think in that scenario your daughter should turn around at whatever point she is at and slide down so the next person can go. *


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

Yes. When they were younger I had to tell them if some small kids were trying to come down they needed to stop climbing up until the others were finished. Now they are old enough to have the common sense to know when it is ok and when it isn't. Also, our slide ends in a dirty sandpit, along with everything else in the playground. Kids get dirty there, making mud pies or digging after treasure chests or whatever. My kids also put sand, even pour it, on the slide and then go down it. So do their friends. I let them do this too. On two occasions I got a dirty look from a parent who I guess were worried the slide would get dirty, and so would their kids. Hello, it is a play ground. If they don't get dirty on the slide, they are going to get dirty in the play house or on the spinning top or in the football field.... If you want spotless kids, don't take them to a playground. All summer kids are over in the play ground with bare feet and 3 foot long dirty fingernails.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:

Originally Posted by *queenjane* 

When its busy....if my daughter (who is 11) is climbing UP one of the slides, and someone climbs up to the top from the ladder....what does my daughter do when she gets to the top and now there is a kid and maybe a line of kids behind her waiting to go down? Push past them to go down the ladder? Turn around and slide down? Does the kid at the top wait til my daughter climbs up to the top or should my daughter jump down if she's halfway up?

*I would think in that scenario your daughter should turn around at whatever point she is at and slide down so the next person can go. *

The bolded response is by erigeron. I agree and I think most 11 year olds have figured out how to handle stuff like that. When my girls were toddlers, I followed them around the playground and gave them guidance about being aware and considerate of other kids. By the time they were past the toddler stage, they were pretty adept about handling most of these situations pretty well on their own, with me sitting nearby and able to step in as needed.

queenjane, I imagine my now 13yo dd would be just as independent even supposing that I hadn't allowed her to climb the outsides of slides -- but the fact that I *did* allow her to certainly hasn't done her any harm.

Again, I think children are smarter than we give them credit for. Dd2, at age 8, isn't nearly the climber that dd1 was at her age -- and the other day I noticed dd2 watching one of her friends climbing up the outside of the slide and dd was talking to her while she was up there -- but she didn't feel compelled to attempt it herself. Her sister was going up there by age 4 or 5. And just because I don't think my 8yo has the coordination yet to do stuff like that -- that doesn't mean I don't think other kids should be allowed to do it. Maybe some kids do feel pressured to try stuff they're not ready for just because they see a more coordinated kid doing it - but that is where we need to encourage our kids to listen to their own bodies and use their own good sense.

Life would get really boring, and also really dysfunctional, really fast if everyone started limiting themselves to what the youngest and/or least physically-coordinated people were capable of doing. Not to mention if all the physicists were to quit doing their thing because most of us don't understand physics.


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

My girls have always been very mindful of the playground rules we create. We, too, have a "down-slide has the right-of-way" rule, and no going up if there are a lot of kids. Unlike other folks, I also let them climb up covered slides, but we are homeschoolers and we often have the park to ourselves, so that's my reason.

However, if I had a child who had a hard time internalizing rules are are dependent upon a particular scenario, then I would stick with "down only". As kids get older, I don't want to be assessing the situation for them endlessly, and with my girls I don't have to. But I can imagine that some post-toddler kids might have a harder time remembering to take the time to decide and possibly rely on me more to know whether it's OK or not (I don't mean kids that are simply slower to pick these nuances up, in which case I'd like to help, I mean the kids who seem to have zero concept of nuances, and no sign that they care). Then I think I'd have more black-and-white rules.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mammal_mama*
> *I agree and I think most 11 year olds have figured out how to handle stuff like that*. When my girls were toddlers, I followed them around the playground and gave them guidance about being aware and considerate of other kids. By the time they were past the toddler stage, they were pretty adept about handling most of these situations pretty well on their own, with me sitting nearby and able to step in as needed.
> 
> queenjane, I imagine my now 13yo dd would be just as independent even supposing that I hadn't allowed her to climb the outsides of slides -- but the fact that I *did* allow her to certainly hasn't done her any harm.
> ...












Obviously an 11 yr old can figure that out. MY 11 yr old usually has a trail of younger kids behind her so its not just her.

Somehow i'm defending "not allowing climbing up slides" when in my initial post in this thread i said that if the park isnt busy, its no big deal. If it can be done safely and not interfere with kids coming down the slide, no big deal. (Around here when the park is very busy there may be a constant stream of kids coming DOWN the slides so going up wont really work because you couldnt get to the top before there is someone wanting to come down.)

However what i take issue with is this idea that if a parent discourages it that somehow they are thwarting child's creativity, standing in the way of their developing independence and zest for freedom, they are even encouraging couch-potato mentality in their child if the kid can't do it...heck, its not even very supportive of poor people. And now those darn uncreative parents are even responsible for impeding progress in the world of physics! who knew?!









The one thing i took issue with was the poster who said she was at the park and a bunch of parents were standing around half-heartedly telling their kids to stop climbing up the slide. Which i dont get. If you dont mind them climbing up dont tell them not to. And if you DO mind them climbing up, you tell them not to, and they dont listen....what the heck?! My kid would be sitting next to me on the bench for awhile or we'd leave if he couldnt follow my directions whether it was "dont climb up the slide" or "dont throw woodchips" or anything else.

I dunno i guess i dont feel like being cognizant of little ones around you and not leading them astray is being "limiting" but rather kind and being a role model. Do i always ask the older children to not do something so the little ones won't want to? No of course not. But there certainly is a time and place for it. And i DO view the park as being primarily for the little ones (and i know you would disagree with that mammal_mama based on what you've written here)...sometimes we go to a park closeby but lately have been avoiding it because a large group of young teens (maybe 11-14) have been hanging out there and recently i got into a bit of an argument with the two oldest rude kids who thought it was cool to be mean to a little kid. I know its hard for kids in that age group to find stuff to do or places to be but its not always great when a group of five or six teens are just camped out on the play equipment talking (sometimes swearing or being otherwise inappropriate) either.


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *queenjane*
> 
> And i DO view the park as being primarily for the little ones ...sometimes we go to a park closeby but lately have been avoiding it because a large group of young teens (maybe 11-14) have been hanging out there and recently i got into a bit of an argument with the two oldest rude kids who thought it was cool to be mean to a little kid. I know its hard for kids in that age group to find stuff to do or places to be but its not always great when a group of five or six teens are just camped out on the play equipment talking (sometimes swearing or being otherwise inappropriate) either.


I agree that the big toys at parks are not designed for older kids, and they need to be more cognizant of both little kids and the play equipment. Big kids can do a number on the equipment, and most of the replacement at our local playground is from older kids using the equipment in ways it was not designed. One slide, for example, was cracked because the big kids were (drumroll.....) climbing up the slide. All it takes is one fall on one knee on a plastic slide by a 13 yo and that slide can be toast.

However, that said, hopefully most kids that age have a bit more consideration.... something I think they show better individually than they do in packs.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *queenjane*
> 
> The one thing i took issue with was the poster who said she was at the park and a bunch of parents were standing around half-heartedly telling their kids to stop climbing up the slide. Which i dont get. If you dont mind them climbing up dont tell them not to. And if you DO mind them climbing up, you tell them not to, and they dont listen....what the heck?! My kid would be sitting next to me on the bench for awhile or we'd leave if he couldnt follow my directions whether it was "dont climb up the slide" or "dont throw woodchips" or anything else.


That was me. I explained the situation further in my other post. If I was really concerned my daughter was going to get hurt, of course I'd remove her from the area, but I didn't think that was the situation. At another play area we go to, I have repeatedly had to remove her from playing at the bottom of the slide because kids come down that one fast. I don't really see the value of putting a 2-year-old in time out. And not everyone who was there could watch their kid every second, particularly as most of the other moms had more than one kid. So they were trying to keep their kids from climbing the slide, but then their kids would climb the slide when they were on the other side of the play area tending to the other kid. I wasn't trying to keep my daughter from climbing the slide when everyone else was; I told her instead that she needed to watch for people coming down. I'm satisfied with my approach to the situation. So far it has worked for us. Some people probably think I'm too hands-off and they can think that if they want.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

queenjane, I've no idea whether kids who aren't allowed to climb up the slide or up the outside of the slide end up being less creative or more couch-potatoey than they otherwise would have been. I was just saying that my own children have had the option and it hasn't harmed them any, and they also haven't harmed other people by exercising their freedom.

And I do realize that much of the equipment on many playgrounds has been designed with much smaller kids in mind -- but I think the parks themselves are for the whole community, as we all pay the taxes to support them.

Yet, I also feel for your experience with the rude teenagers. We had a park we enjoyed that we eventually decided it wasn't worth going to because it seemed to attract more gangish sorts of groups, who took exception to the fact that my oldest, then 11, still liked to play and sometimes got dirty; the girls in the cliques who were close to dd's age saw that sort of thing as "childish."

It's weird, because the other neighborhood park we now frequent is about the same distance from us as the other one, so in the same part of town and all, but for some reason, the kids at this park seem to always be accompanied by parents whereas the ones at gang-central tend to go on their own. While there are some teens who come to the good park on their own (including my own dd who likes to walk our dog there and sometimes hang out with friends), there are generally always lots of adults around, which seems to discourage the gang stuff.

We really enjoy the good park now, but sometimes feel sad about the other one. We did try going back a few times and at first it seemed like it would be better because the former gang was no longer there, what with so many families moving and so on, but within a short time we saw that there were others that had taken their place.

And I really do feel like parks are for teens, too, including the difficult ones. But I think you need a lot of adults hanging around to make it work.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

They play equipment at the closest park to me has a sign up that says it's designed for ages 5 to 12, but most of the kids on it are under 5. That seems common here and in the place I lived a little while ago. I don't know how common that is everywhere, but I don't agree that play equipment on parks is generally for younger kids. I've seen both the equipment for ages 5 to 12, AND another pice of equipment for kids under 5. But it seems like all the kids of all ages seem to like the equipment designed for older kids. And, to be fair, my 11-year-old isn't that interested in it anymore and I do think they might be overshooting in the ages they put down on the signs, maybe to limit liability. Like so if a 3-year-old gets hurt they can say, "Hey in the SIGN it clearly says it's for kids between 5 and 12" when almost everyone on it is a toddler.


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## tabitha (Sep 10, 2002)

I really don't think we're in any danger of stifling our kids' creativity. There are sometimes rules. Maybe my "no climbing up the slide" rule seems too much to some, but most of the time we're sliding down this slide:




We also don't whittle with knives at the park or set fires with our magnifying glasses, but those things are okay at home. I feel it's best to have no climbing up the slide be a full time rule, because there are so many other things to climb up. None of my children has ever complained except when other kids have been in the way when they are trying to slide down.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

I think that part of whether or not its safe relates to who many other kids are trying to use the slide at the same time. I work at school, and you can only play on the slide by going up the ladder and down the slide (on your bottom, feet first.) It might seems like overkill, but we have kids get hurt pretty much every day in one way or another on the playground, so we've ruled out the actions that caused the most injuries as well as the ways of playing that resulted in others not being able to play.

Swings can only go back and forth in a straight line -- no going from side to side.

Since all the children follow these rules, more children can PLAY and fewer end up in the nurses office.

When my kids were little and I took them to the park, and there were just a handful of kids there, I let them do whatever they wanted. It felt really odd when I first started enforcing the rules at school, but now I've spent enough time on the playground -- when 100 kids are being monitored by 5 adults -- to see the reason for the rules.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

No. I am British. For us, its a slippery slope then to queue (line?) jumping and jaywalking.







. Honestly you might as well train a kid to rob a bank.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

ok seriously? Yeah, if they are the only kids in the playground (weather-proof homeschoolers so that's not unusual). No, if other kids are vaguely nearby.

It IS a thing in British culture not to do stuff like this and I think it might make other kids feel they couldn't use the equipment. Obviously if you have younger kids that might be different-mine are 5, 8 and 10 and play together quite exuberantly, and so we do have to be a bit aware of not colonising spaces. But its easy for us to use a park when no one else is there, at least in term time.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

I think the real place this becomes an issue is where you have a kid of whatever age who won't get out of the way. We get that from time to time. Usually a toddler, with a fierce parent, protecting their right to walk super slowly up the slide and hold up a whole queue of kids at the top. Or the parent who gets annoyed because their kid started climbing up the slide and got knocked off by someone coming down. Not such an issue now my kids are older but I wan't really ever prepared to monitor my kids to check that they checked for kids coming up the slide. I do tell them to do it-its hardly right that a little kid gets hurt because their parents aren't being responsible- but they are kids and I have younger ones to supervise.

I think as another poster said, right of way to the kids at the top.

If the question is more, is there a universal law that says don't go up the slide, then no. Its a bit like an escalator. In the UK we have an unwritten law that on escalators you stand on the right. Actually I think its even written now on the Tube but it used to be something that everyone just knew. If you stand in the wrong place, people will tut you and give you a hard British stare of polite death, but also, sometimes it is actually dangerous as people just aren't expecting you to be on the left. You could get knocked flying and some of our escalators are many tens of metres down.

But if you are the only one on an escalator, as often happens in the daytime, that's your call. My kids are Londoners enough that they can manage to stand on the left on the escalator when there's no one else around and know by instinct to stand on the right if anyone is nearby. BUT they also know to be much more alert if they are going to break this rule.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Fillyjonk, I absolutely loved riding the Tube in London, there's no thrill like it, and it honestly doesn't seem even remotely fun to me to walk against the flow of traffic in a crowded public place such as a London train station. During my month in London, I just loved the upbeat, fast-paced feeling of flowing rapidly along with the crowd down the stairs and then shooting along though those tunnels under the streets of London. Doing anything to hinder that rapid flow would be a real downer. For me, the high...the surge of adrenaline, came from following the rules and staying in sync with the program.

I guess going against that flow could be fun, though, to people carrying out social experiments like the ones my 13yo currently likes to watch on YouTube. There was one experiment where they had a group of people working for them who all turned to face the back of the elevator, just to see if the lone individuals who weren't in on the experiment would eventually do the counterintuitive thing and turn to face the back, too. I think they all did.

But I don't think climbing up the slide is really counterintuitive, at least in the U.S., considering that so many toddlers just automatically start trying it out on their own. And it lets you use entire muscle groups that you don't get to use sliding down. Of course, I can definitely see that in situations like the one Linda described, in which 100 children are sharing the same play space, climbing up the slide would be somewhat tantamount to walking up the escalator on the same side where everyone is coming down. I can see how dangerous that could be.

But at the playgrounds where my children and I go, a "crowded playground" might have 20 children -- nowhere near 100. So there really aren't the same issues at play.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

ok this is the part i dont get...

why cant we have a slide - make it safer with hand rails - to go UP in.

the moment a kid knows how to go down teh slide, be confident in it, they start climbing up. i've seen that with dd and with the umpteen no. of kids i've seen trying to go up the slide.

there is no other climbing structure that lets you go up a 'hill' like the slide does. most everything is pretty vertical like a climbing gym (where really its not about legs) or a low gradient log structure. and honestly with dd and with other kids i've seen, climbing up has been more fun than down. i've never seen kids laugh and giggle so much as they tried to go up, figure out how to stop slipping. in fact i've seen some of the older toddler think of how to problem solve and figure out bare feet is easier to go up, or hold on to sides or its ok to go half way up and then slide down on your tummy.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

So in the US there's no unwritten rule about not climbing up slides? Is it as acceptable to go up as down?

I do think part of the issue in the UK is probably that its easier to queue at the top than the bottom.


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## tabitha (Sep 10, 2002)

I'm in urban northern California, and yes there is that unwritten 'rule.' But like all unwritten rules (and many written ones) it is not always followed.

We also stand to the right of an escalator, while those walking up/down do so on the left. This is most obvious in rapid transit stations, but you still run into those who don't know or don't care.

Another I can think of is allowing those in an elevator to disembark before you enter it.

FWIW, my kids know how to use the escalators politely. Just a basic life skill.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

It sounds like in some very heavily populated urban areas, there is a lot of queueing for slides and the atmosphere in parks is similar to that of the London Tube during rush hour. I can see, then, why some are likening allowing one's child to climb up the slide to allowing one's child to do things like run up the "down" escalator.

I live in the urban Midwest, and we simply don't have the kinds of crowding I've experienced while traveling in London or, more recently, in Macau and Hong Kong (I say "more recently" but it was really many years ago, while London was many, many more years ago, LOL). I can see how this basic cultural difference can make it sound like those of us who don't follow every unwritten rule are raising kids who will be ill-prepared to get along in the world.

There are just so many different microcosms of the world. I think we're each doing what we feel is best given the situations we find ourselves in.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

I think thats a god point actually. MammaL was it you who said something about "only" 20 kids in a playground? in the majority of our playgrounds, that's getting a bit crowded! My local playground, which has a marvelous huge slide actually built out of the landscaping, can probably take around 10-15 kids before you really do get seriously crowded.

I think there is agreement, isn't there, that if a playground is not crowded its fine and if kids are waiting to go down its not fine?


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Yes, I think everyone who lets their child go up the slide agrees on that point!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Also, I'm not so great with numbers, but I suppose 20 on most playgrounds here could be fairly crowded, depending on whether all the kids are concentrated on the actual play equipment or some are playing with balls and Frisbees, or playing tag and hide and seek and so on, at the periphery.

So there can actually be a really huge amount of kids and families around, but they move in and out of the playground area, and I'd say that it's fairly rare at most parks in my city to see children lined up waiting to go down the slide. It's more common for a child who's climbing up to encounter one or two children sliding down or waiting to slide down, and just to turn around and slide on down and get out of the way. No big deal.

One park we frequent actually has three slides, all coming down from the same structure, two side by side and one on the other side. So someone wanting to slide down will usually pick one that doesn't have any climbers.


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

20 kids on the playground here is unheard of except at schools-- and that includes the surrounding park, not just the equipment.

There is the unspoken rule here that down has the right-of-way. I have only heard one mother tell her son he couldn't climb up the slide in the empty-except-us playground (I wondered what she thought of me?) but her son could have been one of those 4yo with no "gray areas" that let him appreciate that one situation calls for a different set of rules than another.

But then there's often "that" kid that keeps climbing up and sliding down in front of kids. I hate it when kids sneak in a quick up-down when there is someone waiting, thinking that if they are fast enough they can sneak in a turn! (That kid would be a good candidate for more black-and-white rules!) However, I have no reservations about gently reminding someone else's kids about the rules if his parent has their attention somewhere else. Usually that's enough, and we can all enjoy up-slide or down without conflict or collisions.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

complete aside but why is 20 kids unheard of? Is it because you guys have lots of playgrounds? Or because kids don't tend to go to the playgrounds?

I think in cities in the UK we probably have some sort of playground at least every mile, except perhaps in areas where kids really don't tend to live (student housing areas, for example).


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

I think because we have quite a lot of parks and low-density. If I went up to Seattle, a much bigger city, and it was summer and the wading pools open, then 20+ kids, easily. There, 20 kids would still be a lot but less noticeably crowded. Here, wow! That would be a big number.

And could it be that kids don't wander down to the parks on their own here anymore? I seem to remember walking with my sisters to the big city park near our house. I see some older kids at the park on their own, but younger kids who in other decades might have been able to wander without parents (say 8-11), they aren't there without parents. Maybe that makes a difference.


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## LaughingHyena (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


> In all my years at playgrounds, I can't recall any cases of a child being hurt because he was sliding down when someone else started climbing up. It actually seems more likely that a toddler could get hurt while climbing up if an older child suddenly came sliding down, while the risk to the child sliding down seems relatively low. And yet my own girls climbed up all the time as toddlers without ever being hurt by anyone sliding down. Kids really are pretty smart about managing those kinds of interactions.


Slight aside but my DS has been quite badly injured a couple of times. The one I clearly remember he was sat at the top of the slide waiting for the previous person to get off, however they've then turned round to climb up again, then climbed OVER him to rejoin the down queue, kicking him in the face in the process. Black eye, nosebleed, blood everywhere! One of those saw what was about to happen but couldn't quite get there in time moments.

Part of the problem by us is that although there are lots of playgrounds they are all designed with under 5s in mind and there is nowhere for the older ones to play so they get creative, but are not aware enough to watch out for the littlies. Parents tend to either be watching a younger child or chatting, I guess most of the time there is no need to follow your 6/7/8 year old that closely.

My kids do best with black and white rules, they can climb the slide when there are no other kids around, be that at home or at the playground.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

yeah our kids do tend to go alone from age 8 or 9. That varies but mine certainly do. In a big city though, you'd have more kids? Perhaps not comparing like with like then, I'm in the inner suburbs of a very green city with a pop of 300,000.

I think the playgrounds not designed for older kids is a HUGE issue. HUGE. We are starting to see some changes here-our second localest, prob the best our city has to offer, about a mile away, has some really inspired equipment for older kids, up to teenagers. Stuff that can be used in different creative ways. There's a huge playground very close to dp's work that has REALLY good stuff, good enough that people travel from other cities to use it. But that is in a relatively "deprived" area and one thing they've done very right is invest in quality play equipment.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Catwmandu*
> 
> I do think I started out as a "slides are meant for going down" reaction.


^ Totally started like this!

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *Lazurii*
> 
> My kids are allowed to go up slides as long as:
> 
> *The slide is empty.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *fruitfulmomma*
> 
> As long as there aren't kids wanting to go down it, I am fine with that.


And now it's this. And that's my rule for everyone, my kids, friends kids, daycare kids... And if other parents aren't effectively making sure other kids can go down while they kids are monopolizing it then I'll tell them too. This last one most often happens at McD's (our only indoor playground in a town that sees 6-10 months of COLD SNOWY winter...


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## DaisyO (Feb 3, 2011)

No I do not, because she is only three and will think that if it is okay sometimes, it is always okay. Plus, it is very frustrating to see the thing happen where she's trying to go down and some other kid then tries to go up. She's been badly scared this way. So, it's a general rule for us. I think it contributes to too much playground chaos.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

I think it might depend on the playground, but seriously, why not let the poor kid go up if there is noone else on the slide? Why not just give right of way to those going down instead of banning her from doing a perfectly natural thing-climbing?

If you cant have chaos and climbing on the playground, where the heck can you have it?

My kids will have strong legs and feet because they got to do some climbing.

If the playground is too crowded for natural play, then i go to another one. I admit that i am lucky to have a few to choose from.


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## tabitha (Sep 10, 2002)

Since you ask...

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *contactmaya*
> 
> I think it might depend on the playground, but seriously, why not let the poor kid go up if there is noone else on the slide?
> 
> ...


_*That's great. Mine do because they climb everything constantly, just not on the slide because I have seen it cause injuries as well as hurt feelings. both easily avoided with a simple rule. There are so many things to climb in this world, I really feel it is fine to have a few rules in place when playing with other families on equipment. You don't feel that way? That's totally fine.

So, tell me you don't have any rules at all when it comes to playing in the playground. Say... They can't stray off the playground into the street. Um... Isn't this stifling their creativity? Aren't you crushing their freedom? No, you aren't, you're just keeping some basic safety rules. Reality check, seriously. You don't have to have the same rules as other parents, and you also don't have to draw some kind of diehard line in the sand about your choice as if it is intrinsically superior in some way. This isn't Breast v. Bottle.

If I sound defensive, it is because I'm really over the idea that a simple rule like this is somehow depriving our kids of strong legs and creativity. Can't people back up their choice without resorting to criticizing the choices of others?*_


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## DaisyO (Feb 3, 2011)

Thanks Tabitha...that is pretty much verbatim what I would have said about my "poor kid's" playground rule. Believe me, she gets (productive, fun, safe) chaos elsewhere, including elsewhere on the playground. Just not on the slide.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

When I was 9 I ran up the slid and my brother came down it on a tonka truck at the same time. I went over the edge and displaced a vertebrae. it was the first day of summer, and I spent the next 6 weeks in bed. My brother had a bloody face from slamming into the ground at tonka truck speed and getting his nose slammed into his truck. I try to teach my kiddo that playground equipment is to be used the way it was intended. If you want to climb, climb up monkey bars or a rock wall, dont climb up the slide.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *contactmaya*
> 
> I think it might depend on the playground, but seriously, why not let the poor kid go up if there is noone else on the slide? Why not just give right of way to those going down instead of banning her from doing a perfectly natural thing-climbing?
> 
> ...


Most playgrounds (at least where i live) have all sorts of opportunities to climb. In fact, to get to the top of the slide what do you have to do? Climb the ladder. LOL. (and yes i realize its a little different climbing a ladder and climbing a slide but still.....)

I think the vast majority of parents are ok with their kids climbing a slide if the park isnt that busy. But i also imagine that those that dont allow it have pretty good reasons why (their child has black/white thinking, their child is too young to move out of the way quickly, their park is always busy etc)....there is a difference in chaos and in kids all playing well together, cooperating, looking out for one another, being creative. I've been to parks (well usually its the McDs playland that gets this way) where there is a bunch of CHAOTIC kids...and really its no fun for the rest of the kids. The kids running around not being aware, not caring what the commonly accepted rules/guidelines are is what i would call chaos and thats a good way for someone to be hurt. And usually those kids either dont have a parent with them, or the parent is off chatting on their phone or sitting in the car, or the parent smiles happily at their child's "Freedom"....im a former unschooler and i get supporting freedom and kids being kids. But not everything works in all situations. I'd like to think most parents put the emphasis on keeping everyone safe and having fun.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

1 year olds cant climb trees, nor some of those structures. Noone's coming down the slide? Let her climb up, and calm down about it. Someone's coming down-give way to the person coming down.... accidents happen on playgrounds and elsewhere so be careful.... But pointless rules is not being careful, its something else. (dont want to offend, so i wont say what it is actually is)

Give way to others where appropriate, play safely, but playground is for playing...my 3 mottos on the subject.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I do see the point about feeling secure enough about our own parenting choices that we feel absolutely no need to criticize anyone else's parenting. I've been criticized enough myself to see how divisive and antithetical to creativity it is to always assume that people who see the world differently than me are just wrong, wrong, wrong.

I've seen similar debates ensue wherein "messy" moms accuse "tidy" moms of putting a clean house ahead of spending time on the floor playing with their kids and letting their kids make messes. It's kind of like our society has to go from one extreme to the other -- it used to be that many looked down their noses at "messy" parents or "permissive" parents, or others who don't fit the mold in some way, and then there grew to be enough of us who didn't fit the mold and we reacted by going on the defensive and bashing those who just happen to fit into the more socially acceptable stereotype -- and maybe not even because they were trying to fit in, but just because, for example, they happened to have a personal preference for a house where everything was clean and in its place.

I think we'll know that humanity has really evolved to a higher level when we are no longer so reactive and defensive about our choices and personal preferences, and especially when we can hear ourselves being criticized and just let it slide off without feeling any need to retaliate. It's like, we need to be willing to stop retaliating before the other side has even started to think about stopping. And when we're no longer retaliating, "they" won't have anyone to push back against, and eventually there won't be "us and them" anymore but just us.


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

Well said, mammal mama! I try hard to simply say "this is what we do and this is why it works for us". I have many mom friends who do things very differently but they and their kids have different temperaments than we do. I often see that what I do with my kids would be a train wreck in their family and vice versa. I think the vast, vast majority of healthy moms are quite capable of recognizing what works for their family and circumstances.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

contactmaya I think the reason people have tended to give for having inflexible "black and white" rules around not going up the slide is very child specific. Some kids really do struggle with sometimes being able to do something and sometimes not. When kids are at an age when you have to trust them to make a judgement call, when you have several kids and can't individually supervise each one, having a blanket never rule can mean, in effect, being able to give everyone more freedom. I basically say to my kids "never ever go up the slide ever.".

But in specific circumstances they might come over and say, "look, there is no one else in the playground.". And then I'd normally relent because I know that they know its an exception, and I know we've had a conversation. They know that they have to think hard and persuade me before I'll break this rule. I am this strict because one of my kids, my oldest (10), does tend to need black and white rules-he prefers them, he doesn't like to hurt people either-and because the consequence of a young child being knocked off the big slides near us is potentially quite awful.

I think if you have a kid who can be more flexible, that's great. My own experience is that kids vary with how well they can remember rules, including by age but also by who they are with (my kids are fine and responsible alone. As a pack....). I do also tend to feel that its not a great idea for my big kids (5, 8 and 10) to be showing littler kids that its fun to go up slides, which is another reason I ask them not to if there are other kids around. I've said though-our playgrounds tend to be fairly crowded and only empty in bad weather. ETA: As homeschoolers, also, tbh we appreciate it when there are other people there to play with! Also, we often meet others at the playground, four or five large homeschooling families and you are often pushing 15-20 kids. That matters more to us than being able to climb up a slide, and I mention that only to say again, horses for courses.

FWIW, my kids are, from the evidence so far, pretty good at climbing (we have a local climbing wall and they all go with dp). They are all athletic and strong. Also, they appear to have pretty decent imaginations and are quite good at problem solving. So, based on my observation so far, obviously I'm a biased parent but I don't think that stopping them climbing up slides has had a serious effect. I'm ok with it 

I would like to see more and better creative apparatus for older kids though. I think that's a massive issue. ETA someone said, why are there no slides you can go UP? Well we actually have kind of that near us. Its a slide built from a hill with tarmac'd sides about 2 m wide each side, meaning kids can certainly climb up it (there's also a zigzag path). It doesn't have handles though!


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

Hey mamas

I just wanted to say thanks for being respectful and listening to others opinions even if you do not agree. No one parents the same and no one is right or wrong. Diversity is what keeps us creative and different.

I may be sending pm's for a couple of edits as I feel a few posts are borderline in following Mothering's user aggreement.

Thanks and carry on!


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

While it's the bigger kids climbing up slides that is most obvious, I find that it's the youngest set-- 10 months to 3 yrs-- that seem *compelled* to go up the slide. What fun to climb up a bit and flop, sliding down on the belly. (In absence of kids wanting to go down the slide) it is a great way to introduce the fun of a slide in small increments. Sliding down feet first on belly is how the youngest kids can enjoy the slide before their torso strength allows greater control feet first-on--bottom facing forward (and, of course, that out-of-proportion head gets more in proportion!) This kind of slide play is not only a great developmental step, it is tons of fun and cannot be reproduced anywhere else. Sure, you can climb anywhere, but where else can you climb up and slide back down belly wise? Sure, for older kids you can go up the right way and slide down, but for little kids, why not let them climb up and slide down on belly? They are that much more in control of their down experience, and the slipperiness up the slide can be the funnest part.

Yes, that one kid who doesn't follow the rules is annoying, yes, some kids need black and white to keep their world from being chaotic, but for the most part, teaching kids that X can happen only in the absence of Y is not that hard a concept if it keeps being reinforced. Someone mentioned the street. Well, we don't have a rule "never cross the street". We have the rule "don't cross the street unless cars are absent." Some kids are too young to decide when that's OK without mom's help. Great. Same for the slide. "Don't go up the slide unless kids are absent". I have always been close enough to remind girls of the rules, and remind other kids of the rules as well when they cut the line and climbed up when others were waiting to slide down. In fact, the street rules are even harder, because the youngest children point out "There's a car." Mom says "That car is parked, it's OK". "There's a car." "That car is going the other way." If a parent can expect a child to eventually navigate streets, with all the insane nuances of situation (not to mention semantics) then kids can also eventually navigate the slide scenario. With those rules, some parks might be off limits out of necessity because of high use. Others, practically never.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *SweetSilver*
> 
> While it's the bigger kids climbing up slides that is most obvious, I find that it's the youngest set-- 10 months to 3 yrs-- that seem *compelled* to go up the slide. What fun to climb up a bit and flop, sliding down on the belly. (In absence of kids wanting to go down the slide) it is a great way to introduce the fun of a slide in small increments. Sliding down feet first on belly is how the youngest kids can enjoy the slide before their torso strength allows greater control feet first-on--bottom facing forward (and, of course, that out-of-proportion head gets more in proportion!) This kind of slide play is not only a great developmental step, it is tons of fun and cannot be reproduced anywhere else. Sure, you can climb anywhere, but where else can you climb up and slide back down belly wise? Sure, for older kids you can go up the right way and slide down, but for little kids, why not let them climb up and slide down on belly? They are that much more in control of their down experience, and the slipperiness up the slide can be the funnest part.
> 
> Yes, that one kid who doesn't follow the rules is annoying, yes, some kids need black and white to keep their world from being chaotic, but for the most part, teaching kids that X can happen only in the absence of Y is not that hard a concept if it keeps being reinforced. Someone mentioned the street. Well, we don't have a rule "never cross the street". We have the rule "don't cross the street when cars are absent." Some kids are too young to decide when that's OK without mom's help. Great. Same for the slide. "Don't go up the slide unless kids are absent". I have always been close enough to remind girls of the rules, and remind other kids of the rules as well when they cut the line and climbed up when others were waiting to slide down. In fact, the street rules are even harder, because the youngest children point out "There's a car." Mom says "That car is parked, it's OK". "There's a car." "That car is going the other way." If a parent can expect a child to eventually navigate streets, with all the insane nuances of situation (not to mention semantics) then kids can also eventually navigate the slide scenario. With those rules, some parks might be off limits out of necessity because of high use. Others, practically never.


Yes, teaching my kids to 'think', in the face of complexity, thats important to me. I dont give them rules so much as guidelines. Our number one guideline, is 'Be considerate of others', another one would be, 'Dont do anything that puts yourself or others at risk', another is, 'Look for a solution that suits everyone', that kind of stuff...its a work in progress. Sometimes i use 'rules' when i see the kids need something more specific.

In my personal situation right now, its my 19mth old who likes to climb up the slide, the others, at 5 and 8, arent that interested.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

I agree with the plea for acceptance and security. If someone else does not allow her kids to go up the slide, that is her decision and probably made for a good reason. I'm cool with that, while I also appreciate others tolerating my approach to my own child and being willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

I agree with erigeron

My feeling is, good to debate the issues. This is one I've seen so many times on so many different boards over the years, given that its NOT breast vs bottle, the strength of feeling stirred up is amazing. I would never judge anyone for letting their kid go up the slide, regardless of outcome. I mean, quite aside from the fact that I really have better things to do, who knows what's behind that? Maybe the parent has had an awful day and cannot bear to say no again, maybe the kid has additional needs or communication difficulties. Maybe the person who seems to be the parent is actually a babysitter or older sibling? Etc. Similarly, I think every single person who says a blanket "no" has given a good reason on this thread. We just can't assume that all kids are amenable to logic, or that parents telling their kid not to climb up the slide in an empty park don't have a very good reason, based on knowing their kids, for doing that. Kids have different depths and ways of understanding, just as they learn to walk and read at different ages the ages which a child will be able to make a good judgement call about behaviour varies so much, and according to who else is around too. I have the kid who, at 10, still does not always get the grey areas and it is not for want of discussion, or trying, I can assure anyone on that score. I have two younger kids who get it, so its probably not entirely my lousy parenting I also don't think it matters that much for a child not to get to go up a slide. I mean, really? Kids can climb trees, swing on monkey bars, use a green gym, do a lot of other great stuff that builds similar muscles.

If I were to give a rule as fuzzy as "be considerate of others" to my child, I would have a problem very fast and he would spend most of the session sitting it out and watching. I am not saying, if you have that kid who can manage with "be kind" then you should be doing more, simply that I think its fair to ask you to consider that this isn't everyone's experience. OTOH I wouldn't bother to say that to my girls because basically, they are motivated to be considerate and kind to others. And actually so is my oldest but he needs specific pointers about what people will perceive as considerate and what they will perceive as inconsiderate. He really doesn't stand out from his ten year old boy posse in this-a lot seems to change at this age. They generally know to be considerate and kind and so on, the issue is entirely the grey areas. Parenting evolves as children grow.

I think if it works for you that is great. Just don't criticise others because what works for you and yours doesn't work for their family. I think as a rule we know what our families actually need.


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## mumm (May 23, 2004)

You can go up the slide unless someone wants to come down. Going down the slide has right of way.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

I would say 'Dont make noise in the hallway, because it inconsiderate of others'. I cant really think of any other good reason for not making the noise. Many rules/expectations are based on consideration for others because we live in communities.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

"I would say 'Dont make noise in the hallway, because it inconsiderate of others'. I cant really think of any other good reason for not making the noise. Many rules/expectations are based on consideration for others because we live in communities."

And if that works for your particular profile of kids, well enough for you that is great. Just consider that there are good reasons that it might not work for others.

Also consider that there are some kids who don't want rules that vague, who would actually-I'm sorry-find that statement quite patronising. It offers no extra information and implies that the reason for their noise is inconsideracy , rather than, say, not realising that neighbour A is working nights. If an adult said that to me I'd bristle. With my kids I like to assume the best of them.

My feeling is that every poster here is doing the best with the actual kids they have, and in the actual circumstances they have. That might not be the objectively best thing for that child at that moment, but parenthood is, a lot of the time, IME, about working out the least bad decision for everyone. Its not usually that other people haven't thought of the approach you describe, more that they've often tried it-by the time your oldesst kid is ten or so, I reckon you've tried everything you're going to! and it doesn't work for their family.

I think for any family with an ounce of thoughtfulness, what they are doing for their kids is probably going to be the right thing. Plus it really does take a lot to screw up a kid in a happy, listening, family IMO.


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## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

Woah, this is such a hot topic! That is very amusing!

My son can go up the slide if he feels like it. Slides are for playing on. If there are other kids who want the slide, they obviously they have to take turns on it like with any other playground thing. If there are a lot of kids on one piece of equipment, I'm usually closer and more involved so my son can be guided and helped with the whole turn-taking thing. If there aren't any other kids, then I'm sitting on the park bench playing word games on my IPhone, and he could be PAINTING the slide for all I care.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Fillyjonk*
> 
> Also consider that there are some kids who don't want rules that vague, who would actually-I'm sorry-find that statement quite patronising.
> 
> ...


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MichelleZB*
> 
> Woah, this is such a hot topic! That is very amusing!
> 
> My son can go up the slide if he feels like it. Slides are for playing on.


Yes, they are for playing on.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

contactmaya no one, as far as I can see, is offended that you let your kids go up the slide but rather that you've been a bit judgemental of those who don't.

We'll have to agree to disagree about what is patronising to kids . I know what my kids consider to be patronising because I've discussed it with them. I expect you've done the same. The main thing is that we are both acting according to what works for our families.


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## natalieemjones (Sep 11, 2013)

If no one else is using the slide and its not muddy then the little ones can run up and down it to their hearts content - as long as its safe of course!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

On an amusing side-note, I had an interesting instance of getting judged at the park a few weeks ago. Another woman sitting on the bench next to me commented to her friends that "Some people will let their kids do anything."

I'd just assumed she was referring to the woman who I think was the mother of a boy of about two who'd been running around swinging a big stick really close to some other kids. She'd gone up and told him to give her the stick, but when he swung it at her, she backed off and let him keep it.

But then, a moment later, the woman on the bench said, "Well, that girl finally got up off the ground" -- and I realized she was actually referring NOT to the stick-swinging toddler, but to my own 8yo dd lying down on the ground as part of her imaginary game. Of course, I'm the sort of parent who feels extremely proud whenever I see my kids getting fully immersed in their imaginary worlds, so I tend to be a bit taken aback when someone else expresses the idea that I shouldn't "allow" it. LOL.

And I think I ended up looking down my nose at her a bit later when she (if I'm remembering correctly) made a sudden decision that she was ready to go, and just expected her children, or the children in her care, to abruptly stop what they were doing and leave. "I" have a personal preference for allowing my kids at least 10 or so minutes of transition time, so it's extremely rare for me to just suddenly say, "We have to go now" and expect my kids to leave without any advance warning; I would only do so for a very good, and urgent, reason. And I kind of see "my way" as the right and considerate way to raise one's children. So there you go.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mammal_mama*
> 
> On an amusing side-note, I had an interesting instance of getting judged at the park a few weeks ago. Another woman sitting on the bench next to me commented to her friends that "Some people will let their kids do anything."
> 
> ...


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## beru (Nov 19, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mammal_mama*
> 
> On an amusing side-note, I had an interesting instance of getting judged at the park a few weeks ago. Another woman sitting on the bench next to me commented to her friends that "Some people will let their kids do anything."
> 
> ...


I was at a play area with my 3 year old son and I was sat on a bench next to an elderly grandma. We were having a lovely chat when I realized it was near time for us to leave. I called my son over and told him we have 10 minutes before we have to leave. The grandma laughed knowingly, "Oh that is silly. He won't want to leave no matter how much warning you give him". I decided not to get into a discussion so I just said that's just the way we do things and went back to our previous conversation. During the conversation, I gave my son a five minute warning. Before I could give him his two minute warning, he bounced up and said, "OK, ready to go". Grandma was floored.

As for slides, they can go up if it's the type of slide where they can see the top - and down-sliders get the right of way. I want my kids to play freely with other kids without a lot of parent intervention. I want them to learn to negotiate with their peers and problem-solve. This leads me to another subject, I think I'll make a thread about it...

Does your elementary school have rigid playground rules?


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *beru*
> 
> I was at a play area with my 3 year old son and I was sat on a bench next to an elderly grandma. We were having a lovely chat when I realized it was near time for us to leave. I called my son over and told him we have 10 minutes before we have to leave. The grandma laughed knowingly, "Oh that is silly. He won't want to leave no matter how much warning you give him". I decided not to get into a discussion so I just said that's just the way we do things and went back to our previous conversation. During the conversation, I gave my son a five minute warning. Before I could give him his two minute warning, he bounced up and said, "OK, ready to go". Grandma was floored.
> 
> ...


I like your approach. We too rarely have problems leaving the playground. I typically say-'we have to go soon, whas the last thing you want to do before we leave?'


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *beru*
> 
> I was at a play area with my 3 year old son and I was sat on a bench next to an elderly grandma. We were having a lovely chat when I realized it was near time for us to leave. I called my son over and told him we have 10 minutes before we have to leave. The grandma laughed knowingly, "Oh that is silly. He won't want to leave no matter how much warning you give him". I decided not to get into a discussion so I just said that's just the way we do things and went back to our previous conversation. During the conversation, I gave my son a five minute warning. Before I could give him his two minute warning, he bounced up and said, "OK, ready to go". Grandma was floored.


again all depends on the child.

gma would have been right about my child. dd WOULD come to me during her two minute warning and depending on her mood would scream and throw a tantrum or try to reason with me as to why we should stay longer. the ONLY time she would leave happily without a fuss is if we have something else fun to do. but going home for dinner was not a good enough reason to leave the park.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

NO.....never.

I also taught them not to stand in front of the elevator while waiting. Or stop in front of doors. While we were in the grocery store -they stuck close to me and didn't take up the entire aisle. etc etc etc


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lab*
> 
> NO.....never.
> 
> I also taught them not to stand in front of the elevator while waiting. Or stop in front of doors. While we were in the grocery store -they stuck close to me and didn't take up the entire aisle. etc etc etc


I guess I don't really see those examples as analogous. There is nothing discourteous about climbing up the slide if you aren't blocking others from going down. You aren't inconveniencing anyone. And pretty much everyone on this thread who allows climbing has said that the rules are only if you can see the top and if no-one is waiting to come down.

I can see an argument for disallowing it on safety grounds but I admit I don't really get it as a manners thing.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *katelove*
> 
> I guess I don't really see those examples as analogous. There is nothing discourteous about climbing up the slide if you aren't blocking others from going down. You aren't inconveniencing anyone. And pretty much everyone on this thread who allows climbing has said that the rules are only if you can see the top and if no-one is waiting to come down.
> 
> I can see an argument for disallowing it on safety grounds but I admit I don't really get it as a manners thing.


Its all about how much complexity a person can handle...


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## Tjej (Jan 22, 2009)

FWIW, our local parks/recreation people were discussing slides once and they made a point of how good it is for kids to work out negotiating slides with one another (up/ down/ taking turns). The slide itself was seen as an instrument in growing social skills - not just something to zip down (or climb up). I really appreciated their perspective.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Tjej*
> 
> FWIW, our local parks/recreation people were discussing slides once and they made a point of how good it is for kids to work out negotiating slides with one another (up/ down/ taking turns). The slide itself was seen as an instrument in growing social skills - not just something to zip down (or climb up). I really appreciated their perspective.


That is so cool! If you don't mind my asking, what region of the world do you live in?


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## Tjej (Jan 22, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mammal_mama*
> 
> That is so cool! If you don't mind my asking, what region of the world do you live in?


West Coast, Canada.


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