# DD Molested Yesterday



## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

*Update on pg. 11*

I am not sure where I should post this, so MODS, feel free to move it.

Yesterday we had an encounter at the beach with some friends. I told DD I would take her for a walk and then to the swings at the park. My friend was camping with her family at the beach so I stopped by to say hi and ask if she wanted to come with us to the park. Her son (15 y/o) took DD (3.5 y/o) ahead of us. When we walked down to the park they were not there. We went to a different park, they were not there. At this point I was desperately trying to find her, but not sound like I was panicking. We went to the first playground again, they were not there, then I went to the other playground again and FINALLY found them playing on the swings. The 4th time we searched for them.

I told him we were looking all over for them and he lied to me. *HUGE RED FLAG.* He said they had been up there the whole time. I told him we were up there looking for them and he said he had to go to the bathroom. I thought I was going to be sick on the spot. Why in the hell did he take my DD in the bathroom with him?!?

I told DD it was time to go and said goodye to the family. I acted like we were in a hurry to go run errands that morning. After we were away from their campsite, I asked DD if she had gone to the bathroom. She said no. I asked her if he went to the bathroom and she said yes. Then she told me in detail what he did to her. She said that he did (or tried to) put his penis in her mouth, and she didn't like it.

I was practically running for the car. I was going to take DD to my friend's house and see if she heard the same thign I heard. DD does know anatomical terms for genitals, but I was in complete shock. As I was leaving the beach area, I saw a police officer and flagged him down. I told him what had just happened, and the report began. I was told not to let her eat or drink anything, as well as use the restroom. Easier said than done with a 3 y/o, but I was able to distract her for 3 more hours.

We had investigators come to our house. They did not interview DD. We took her to a forensic clinic and she was tested for DNA and had a physical exam. They said her hymen was intact and the mouth swab came up negative. Next step is a forensic interview at the same place. They are going to schedule it for this week, as soon as we can get in, but I am playing the waiting game.

The family has not been contacted yet. Another twist, my DH is deployed in Iraq and I do not want to tell him until after the interview. Not that the interview will change my mind about what happened, but I want to have more answers for him. I feel helpless and his grief will be 10x worse than mine because he can not help her or be here to comfort her.

DD seems fine and at this point so I am thankful for that. I am just at a loss, don't know what to do, don't have very many people I can talk to, and would like some support from anyone who has been through this.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

Oh my gosh I am so sorry.

It sounds like you did the right thing. You asked her what happened, believed her, and alerted authorities. She will know you protected her and took her seriously.

I don't have any advice. I'm very sorry your family is going thru this.








2:


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## amybw (Jul 12, 2004)

I am sorry I am not much help, i just wanted to give you a hug and say I am so sorry that happened. Do you have a local clinic that gives counseling? I would just make sure that your DD knows that she didnt do anything wrong.

What is wrong with people!?!?! That boy needs some serious counseling.








So sorry that happened.


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## MountainLaurel (Dec 17, 2005)

Oh Mama, I couldn't read this and not post. I'm sending positive energies your way. This is going to be a horrible time for you and your family, but please know that you have done one of the most important things that your DD needs you to do: YOU BELIEVED HER and you are PROTECTING HER.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I am soooo sorry! I do not even know what to say...








: for your daughter and your family.


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## mama_b (Dec 14, 2004)

I don't have any advice, but I could not read this and not post. I am so so sorry this happened.







s to you and your family.


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Oh mama I dont have any thing to say but big hugs to you and your little girl right now. You need all the love you can get.


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I am so sorry. You are a great mama, you did exactly what you needed to. With your wonderful support and love your dd will get through this. Many healing vibes to your dd and you. I will keep your family in my thoughts.


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## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

OMG. I am so heartbroken over this.







: for you and your family, especially your dd.


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## UnassistedMomma (Jan 24, 2006)

I haven't been the mom, but I've been the child and you did the right thing momma. The biggest pain from my situation (ongoing for 9 years) was that my mom refused to believe it and wanted to make peace w/ the molester (my sisters husband). I could have healed alot faster had she just believed me. You did the right thing.


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## MotherWhimsey (Mar 21, 2005)

OMG I am so so sorry for you guys. You are doing the right thing by pursuing this, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. My parents never legally persued my abuser because they wanted to save me anymore grief (I was 16 though). I still to this day regret that nothing was done. Legal action won't take what happened back, but it can give some closure, plus that boy needs to be held accountable for what happened, and hopefully given treatment so that he doesn't try it again. A mother should never have to go through this and neither should her child. We're here for you if you need us,







s Courey


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## Rhiannon Feimorgan (Aug 26, 2005)

Hugs and love to you and your dd. You did the right thing and acted fast. How absolutly heartbreaking this must be for you. You and your family are in my prayers. I hope that boy get's help before he does that to some other child.


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## kate~mom (Jul 21, 2003)

oh god....







and







to you and your dd. major healing vibes to both of you - i know it has to be tough not having your dh to hug or even vent to.


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## calicokatt (Mar 14, 2005)

Oh NO!







I'm so so sorry.


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## GruppieGirl (Feb 19, 2002)

Sorry. I double posted. Not sure how.


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## GruppieGirl (Feb 19, 2002)

Oh mama. I am so very sorry.

You did the right thing to trust your child and act so quickly.

My thoughts are with you.


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## churchofdisco (Jul 27, 2005)

for you momma. i can't even begin to imagine. you absolutely did the right thing to believe her and to report it right away! it won't take back what he did to her, but at least it might stop him from doing it to other children. lots of healing vibes and prayers your way.


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## Viriditas (Aug 30, 2004)

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you and your daughter. Hugs and strength to both of you.


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## mamaroni (Sep 12, 2003)

oh, mama, that's just heartbreaking. many hugs to you and your dd.


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## mimid (Dec 29, 2004)

I have nothing to offer but







and prayers for you and dd.


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## Simplicity (Mar 24, 2004)

You and your DD are in my thoughts. How horrible.


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## liam's mom (Jun 18, 2003)

I am so, so, so sorry. I honestly feel sick for you and your dd...If I can help you in any way (do you have my most recent email addy?) please know I will.


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## hipem (Jul 13, 2005)

So sorry, mama! You and your family are in our thoughts.


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## AEZMama (Jul 24, 2005)

I, too, can only offer you







and let you know that you so did the right thing. Who knows how many "friends" this boy has done this to. You are so much more calm that I am-I don't think I would have been able to restrain myself from doing something violent to him.

You are one amazingly strong & smart mama.


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## Electra375 (Oct 2, 2002)

So many hugs to you.
I do urge you to contact your dh in Iraq. Your dh would want to know regardless of how much information you have, he may feel trapped b/c he isn't here; but how would he feel if you tell him so much later that it's like "honey, 3 wks ago our dd was molested by blank..." as apposed to "honey, 2 days ago our dd was ..." They are so far away and the miss so much, this is important for him to know regardless of how painful it will be for him. It might also be a good thing he is away b/c I would think the first reaction a father would have would be to go "kill the SOB" who did this -- my first reaction as a mother after shock would be to cut his genitals off or at least torture him!
Also, if you can contact his CO with this information yourself that would be a good thing b/c chances are your dh won't tell his CO himself. The military has people for your dh to talk to about his feelings and this is a big serious issue. The worst would be your dh to start acting out or taking this aggressively out on another and his CO would have no idea what's gotten into him.
{Former Military Officer's wife in an overseas duty station, some spouses and families present, some not.}
I am glad you got a police officer right away. It's a hard thing to do.
Also, your dd may forget about this entire incident, which is a good thing IMO for childhood sake. However, I urge you to tell her the story at an appropriate age in the future. I found out I had been molested in a vision I had, like a dream. It was my first year being married that this came out. I decided not to tell my mother b/c I feel it would have crushed her and my father. My dh knows, but I'm not sure how much he believes. I believe it was one of their students they hired to babysit, a male. I do have confirmation that 1 male babysitter was used. And he took me into their bedroom, I'm fuzzy on the details, but I know I was not allowed in my parents bedroom. It explains a lot...


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## Threefold (Nov 27, 2001)

No doubt one of your worst nightmares.
I am so sorry and just want to ech what many poepl have said, you did step in to protect and support her and she knows that. I'd also think you've been doing something very right over her lifetime that she trusted and told you what had happened right away.


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## sahm1 (Aug 14, 2004)

I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.


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## joesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

How awful. I imagine many moms would not have questioned any of the situation. If you had not drawn her out, your dd would be carrying around a "bad" secret. You felt like something was wrong, you asked her about it, & you _took action!_ I think that is amazing.

I don't know what to say about your husband. It breaks my heart to think of him over there, hearing about what happened & being helpless to "fix" it... but if he doesn't hear about it right away, will he resent it??

Please keep us posted. I am so sorry for your dd but I think the way you are handling it is so good for her. She will be ok!


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Oh dear







to you and your dear daughter.







As a child, both of my step "grandpas" tried to molest me and thankfully my parents were VERY proactive and willing to protect me no matter what- it did affect me a lot though, in that I was (or should say am) very cautious when it comes to men I don't know or don't know well. The fact that you're standing up for your dd and supporting her is so very important. Kudos to you.


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## Jillybean (Dec 6, 2003)

Oh how horrfying for you! big







for you and your daughter. You are so strong and a wonderful mama to have acted so quickly to protect your dd. I'm sorry I have no advice. Your poor dd, I am glad she seems to be ok, though.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Omg how awful! I'm so sorry this happened to your dd.


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## Rigama (Oct 18, 2005)

Mama.

I wanted to tell you that you are an amazing mom. It's a horrible thing that happened to your dd, but it's wonderful that you are intuitive enough to realize immediately that something was amiss, and you didn't hesitate to act as soon as you found out.

I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Rigama


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## annalily (Nov 21, 2002)

You are doing great, mama! Hugs and prayers for you and your precious dd.














:


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I'm so sorry


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## zjande (Nov 4, 2002)

Oh UG!!! I am so sorry to hear that this happened to your dd! As others have said, you absolutely did the right thing. I can't even imagine the disgust you must've felt in your gut as she was telling you. Man, I sure hope that boy gets some major counseling, who knows what he could be up to years from now if he's already acting out like this now. Hugs to your sweet daughter & you


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## ber (Apr 5, 2005)

all that I can think of is how awesome it is that you went straight to the police - that's just sending just a strong message to your daughter. I'm so sorry you're going through this though.


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## dynamicdoula (Jun 11, 2004)

I'm crying just reading this, my adrenaline is rushing and I want to kill someone!!!

I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now, and your clarity and strength are shining despite how gut wrenching this must be. My suggestion to you is to NEVER EVER let your daughter feel like she can not talk about it, should move on (I don't care how old she is). Don't project your feelings on to her, and always meet her where SHE is. Get some support for yourself- this abuse victimizes the whole family and I am sorry to say that you will never be the same family you were before that moment... I am so sad for your daughter, and for this boy who has a very difficult life ahead of him.

As an adult survivor one of the hardest things is having my abuser (my father) remain in my family, remain in my life because the poeple around me felt it was 'over', and 'done with'. I had to shake people and beg them to see that by not talking about what happened to them, to me, that we are BREEDING the ground for it to continue! Don't ever let her feel that she is a burden, ykwim? If you feel she could benefit from it, get her into play-therapy. Use art at home to help her talk about her feelings. Make it fun, open and safe for her.

I don't have the words to express the intensity of the feelings I have reading what your sweet, innocent daughter experienced, and my celebration that she has the ability to speak to you about what she went through (I think it's so critical for kids to know the right words for body parts!).

You are not alone, your daughter isn't alone. Find out the number for the crisis line in your area because there will be times when it will be handy for you (trust me). Sometimes just talking to an invisible, uninvolved person helps, sometimes you just need to rage and not dump it all on someone you love- these lines are there for that.

Nurture yourself, nurture your family. Many, many







for you and your sweet baby girl, and your Dh who will doubtlessly want to come home ASAP after he finds out. Please keep us updated.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

I think you did well.

My first thought was "I would have killed him". Whats so sick, is that chances are your child isn't his first.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Your daughter is lucky to have you


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## maxomom (Jul 20, 2005)

I am so sorry, what a horrible experience for you all.

I just couldn't read without posting a


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## freestyler (Jan 28, 2005)

I agree with everything the other moms have posted! Bravo to you for being proactive, thank goodness you are taking care of your baby. I'm glad you're not giving yourself guilt also---no one can foresee these things! This is also something I would consider: In about six months I might consider having her tested for exposure to HIV, even though it's totally unlikely that the encounter (UGH, shudder) would have put her in jeopardy. Still, you'd hate to not know, right? God, what a nightmare.

I like the idea of art therapy. Really good idea. Professional therapy too, if you need it.

My dad molested me when I was little, not all the time but on occasion. It messed me up as far as trusting people, because of course I just thought it was my fault somehow; "I guess I shouldn't have been walking around the house without any clothes on (going to the bathroom in the middle of the night). I'll remember to stay dressed in the future." Can you imagine? A six-yr-old afraid to be naked! Sad.
I never told anyone until telling a boyfriend as an adult.

I would hope that your daughter is not traumatized, but if she is, art therapy and other things would help to work it out of her system BEFORE she ends up living with it. Bless you for being strong, and hugs to you. Be sure she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't her fault, if the issue comes up again. I wish I had known that as a little kid. But hopefully, since this was an isolated incident and NOT a parent doing it to her, that she will not be traumatized and will quickly forget.


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## Changed (Mar 14, 2004)

Oh how awful for you both. I think you're taking the right steps to get this boy and your daughter both the help they need. I would also urge you to tell her father. It's his right to know in any case. I hope that she doesn't remember any of this when she is older.


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## MidwifeErika (Jun 30, 2005)

Thank you for immediatly taking action for your DD. It can make such a difference in the long run as she will know that you believed her and you value each and every part of her and it may make that boy get enough help that he never ever hurts another person again. I am just sobbing reading about it, my DD is the same age as yours and it hurts so much to think of anyone doing something like that to a child that age. You give your DD an extra hug from me.
As far as your husband goes, I would tell him as soon as possible. He can't do anything about it, but at least he won't feel that you keep important things from him, you know? No matter when he hears about it, it will be heartbreaking that someone hurt his little girl and he was unable to stop it, but I know that if it was me, it would hurt me more to have my family keep it from me for any length of time, you know? Maybe he could feel involved as well as he could find out through his local channels if there is any military therapists, family support groups, etc that he could help you find. And it may be good to so his CO could find out so if he needs a little extra phone contact or email contact, it would be understood. I am not sure how his company is, but there are many COs that do really value family and try hard to do as much as they can to help in these sorts of situations.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am very proud of you though for the way you are handling it. I wish you lots of strength and healing for both you and DD.


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## goodcents (Dec 19, 2002)

My love to you and your family. May you get everything you, your daughter and your husband get everything you need to heal.


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## Ary99 (Jan 1, 2002)

First and foremost, I'm angry and sorry for what happened. A close second for me however is to PRAISE you for standing up for your daughter. I am shocked and amazed when I have heard of people more concerned about what the family of the perpetrator might think as opposed to protecting their own innocent child.

There aren't any easy answers in a time like this. One day at a time my friend.


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## pilesoflaundry (Dec 9, 2003)

I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and your dd right now (hugs).


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## kirei (Dec 2, 2004)

I'm so sorry, mama.


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## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

This breaks my heart....







You and your daughter are in my prayers...


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## PennyRoo (Dec 7, 2004)

What a horrible, horrible thing to have happen, mama - I am so sorry! And to be separated from your DH during this time - My heart just goes out to you. In reading your post I was struck by two things - one, it is evident that your DD trusts so deeply and felt she could TELL you what happened, and two, how swiftly and decisively you acted, and how supported your DD sounds.

Hang in there and please keep us posted. You and your family are in my thoughts. I am so sorry this happened.


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## littleaugustbaby (Jun 27, 2003)

Mama


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hotwings640*
Thank you for immediatly taking action for your DD.

I so agree with that. Thank you, OP, for being such a wonderful parent, listening to your child and being her advocate.

What a great mama you are.

I am so sorry for your poor DD but thank goodness she has you to help her through this. I think that 3 is not too young for counselling, therapy etc. to help her and make sure she doesn't use this incident as any kind of model for future sexual behavior. I do not have experience in this but I'm sure that you could find a support group or simply call some therapists or counsellors in your area to find out what they think is the best course of action.

And I agree with the PP who suggested that you do indeed contact your DH asap to let him know and make sure that he gets help to deal with this. I'm sure you could use a little support yourself, too.


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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what happened to your DD. My thoughts are with you and with her.

I agree with other posters that said what a great mama you are to listen to your child. I'm sorry that you have to go through this at all, and especially since DH can't be there with you.









Shannon


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

I was attacked by a rapist in a public park during the middle of the day when I was 11 years old. It was very violent, not just a molestation, and I was left with a broken jaw from being punched in the face.

To be honest, I think the violence was far more injurious to my psyche than the sexual abuse component. It just changed the way that I viewed the entire world. It seemed so random to me - this charming man who had been speaking with me in a friendly way, suddenly punching me in the face and knocking me to the ground. After that I was frightened of literally everyone. I'd not had any clues that there was anything unusual or dangerous about this man or this encounter, so how could I trust myself to judge any other situation? I'm sure I had post traumatic stress disorder, but that was before that was a mainstream diagnosis and I never received counseling.

One of the things that bothered me at the time and in later years was this memory of my mother's reaction. I remember hearing her in the other room, calling her friends, "blessed was _raped_!" At that time, people didn't talk about this kind of thing and it felt like a horrible betrayal of my privacy. She also brought up the subject with my friends, who knew in a childish way that something bad had happened, but didn't really understand or know about the particular details. It made me feel victimized and like I was different in their eyes. I felt like they never really treated me the same afterward.

At the time it felt like she was parlaying my trauma into an interesting topic of conversation. I don't think that's probably fair or accurate now, she probably needed to talk about and process what had happened as much as I did, but as a child that was my interpretation of it. It took me many years to forgive her.

So, I guess I'd just add that it might be important to protect your daughter's wishes about when, where and how much she would like to share the experience. Just so she doesn't get re-victimized by stigma and loss of her sense of who she is.

blessed


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## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

Mama, love to you.
I was molested as a little girl and my mom did not believe me.
You believed her and you protected her.
Your little girl is wonderfully blessed to have such a Mama.

Please keep us posted.

All of my love to you and your daughter...

P.S. I agree with the previous poster's message...so important to allow your daughter her feelings, assert that she did nothing wrong and enpower her rather than victimize her.


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

im so glad she told you!! so sorry you are all going through this....


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## kate42 (Feb 2, 2003)

I'm glad she told you and I'm glad you listened.







What a wonderful relationship you have with your DD.


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## Niamh (Jan 17, 2005)

I haven't read the rest of the replies but wanted to commend you for teaching your daughter correct anatomical terms and for believing her. It's alot easier for policemen, etc, to believe a child that can clearly say "He did this with this".

I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.


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## Jessica36 (Oct 14, 2003)

Oh So sorry Mama!


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Your DD is so lucky to have you to listen to and love her. THANK YOU for getting her help.


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## Mama2Bug (Feb 18, 2005)

Thank you for listening to your daughter. Prayers for you and your family.


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## Kaitnbugsmom (Dec 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Electra375*
So many hugs to you.
I do urge you to contact your dh in Iraq. Your dh would want to know regardless of how much information you have, he may feel trapped b/c he isn't here; but how would he feel if you tell him so much later that it's like "honey, 3 wks ago our dd was molested by blank..." as apposed to "honey, 2 days ago our dd was ..." They are so far away and the miss so much, this is important for him to know regardless of how painful it will be for him. It might also be a good thing he is away b/c I would think the first reaction a father would have would be to go "kill the SOB" who did this -- my first reaction as a mother after shock would be to cut his genitals off or at least torture him!
Also, if you can contact his CO with this information yourself that would be a good thing b/c chances are your dh won't tell his CO himself. The military has people for your dh to talk to about his feelings and this is a big serious issue. The worst would be your dh to start acting out or taking this aggressively out on another and his CO would have no idea what's gotten into him.

I agree. I would consider sending a copy of the report to him as well. I know when a friend of mine was raped during desert storm 1 they sent a copy of the report to his first shirt and it kept him from being brought up on charges when he got into a fight with his best friend....


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## amyjeans (Jul 27, 2004)

big hugs and love Mama. I am so sorry you and your baby went through this.


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## kidbound (Jan 6, 2005)

I like too many other mama's here, and everywhere, was molested when I was a little girl many times. By my brother.








The best thing you can/did do is believe your baby







, and let her know it is not her fault, and you DO believe her.

























































To you!

























































To your DD!

























































To your DH!

























































To all of you!






















:







:







to that boy he need









Keep us posted, and let us know what happens.


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## Nora'sMama (Apr 8, 2005)

Oh, I'm so sorry.









Sadly, I'm another one who has a similar story to your DD's. When I was 5, a male babysitter (filling in for his sister) took my 2-year-old sister and I into my parents' bedroom and tried to get us to fellate him. I don't actually remember if we did or not, but I remembered details of his anatomy for years, and told my friends (who were totally grossed out and of course couldn't help me process the incident)...but he told us not to tell our parents and I didn't tell my mom for 11 years...and I really never discussed it with my parents after that one time when I was 16...none of us knew how to talk about it. It is SO good that your DD told you right away, and that you listened and took her seriously! The important thing is that she gets validation for how she feels, which is probably mostly confused! - when the incident happened with me, I didn't know what to think, but I knew something was very very wrong about what had happened. It bothered me a lot and caused me a lot of guilt, because I didn't have anyone to listen to me and help me process it. You will be able to get your DD the help she needs to process this and move on. Stay strong, mama!

My heart goes out to your family.


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## sharksmum (Dec 31, 2003)

I am also thinking of you and your dd. And I'm thinking what a wonderful and clear headed job you did of being loving to your dd and taking care of what needed to be done. Take care of yourself and your dd in the days and weeks to come. Much love.


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## Earthy~Mama (Apr 13, 2005)

Not sure what to say. I am so incredibly sad,angry hurt for your DD and yourself. I was abused as a child and had a scare last year with my DD. I applaud you and your strength and sensiblity. I can honestly say I wouldn't have been so calm.


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## grisandole (Jan 11, 2002)

Why didn't they interview the teenager?


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## Mermaidmomma (Oct 21, 2005)

I couldn't read and not reply. I'm sooo sorry, your family is in my prayers.


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

I so very heartily agree with everyone else. You are amazing. I can't imagine a better response.

I too have a childhood story like so many other mamas here have shared... and one of the BIGGEST things that will forever stick in my mind is my father's reaction the second he had a clue that something was wrong. It brings me a feeling of peace and security even now when I think about it.

I hope you and your family finds the peace you need. Sending you strength and love. Big big hugs.


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)




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## Emmama (Jan 21, 2004)

Oh mama, you and your family will be in my thoughts. You are a great mama.


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## MiamiMami (Feb 1, 2005)

Hugs to you and your little girl


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## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

Wow, I did not expect to see all these reponses. We have a forensic interview scheduled this afternoon. They will play with DD and have her show/tell them what happened.

I am afraid of what I will hear. I will be in a room with a mirrored window so she can not see me.

I still have not told DH. I want to have the interview completed and know what direction things are going first. He has not called so I am not lying to him, just not contacting the command telling them what happened.

Thank you all so much for your support.


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## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

I will try my best to explain why I ahve not contacted DH or the command. If you don't know the military this will all be greek.









The suspect's step-father is in Iraq. His Mom and I are both volunteers in the Family Readiness Group. She is in charge of all the wives in the battalion. It is split into 5 different companies and I am in charge of my husbands company.

As soon as the news hits in Iraq, I can't count on the service members to keep this confidential. Sad but true. They will tell their wives and this family will find out prior to the authorities contacting them.

If I tell DH now, he will not be able to handle the news, as well as the the fact that NOTHING has been done by the investigators. The suspect has not been questioned or taken into cutody and this is day 3. We have the interview this afternoon and this evening I will get a message to DH.

I was afraid of telling him that it was just this incident, because I believe it has happened before. My DD has been around the suspect frequently during the deployment.

I am completely torn onthis, but I have to tell myself that I am protecting DD. My husband will have to understand that I was trying to keep the case confidential. I do not want the family to have a chance to create a story, get a lawyer etc. They should not be prepared and waiting for the authorities to contact them because they heard about it through the grapevine.

In the civilian world, I would not have these concerns. Fortunately, DH is getting out of the Marine Corps in 2007.


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## mirlee (Jul 30, 2002)

My heart goes out to you. I think you are doing the right thing by not telling your DH at this time. Being in control of the situation is key and by telling you will lose control over the situation. I would wait until you have all ducks in a row before letting him know. Maybe a counselor can help you work out how to tell him without him feeling hurt and alienated. I hope that he can understand that your not telling him was not to hide anything from him, but to protect your daughter in a very delicate situation. He should know how the grapevine is by now and the damage that can be done.

Good luck. With your support and quick action, your daughter is already on the road to healing.


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## ma2twins (Jan 6, 2006)

Oh I am sick to my stomache reading about this experience. I am terribly sorry your DD and you have had to go through this. There isn't much more I can say that other posters haven't but I was just wondering how your DD is holding up with all this??
You definitely seem to be holding yourself together, but you do have a lot of support from the professionals which I think is fantastic. They were quite on the ball with everything... definitely good to hear.
Good luck with the interview this afternoon!!!








to you and your family!!!


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## mzfern (Nov 16, 2004)

Prayers for healing, support, and strength for your DD, you, and your DH.







s


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## 1xmom (Dec 30, 2003)

Quote:

My heart goes out to you. I think you are doing the right thing by not telling your DH at this time. Being in control of the situation is key and by telling you will lose control over the situation. I would wait until you have all ducks in a row before letting him know. Maybe a counselor can help you work out how to tell him without him feeling hurt and alienated. I hope that he can understand that your not telling him was not to hide anything from him, but to protect your daughter in a very delicate situation. He should know how the grapevine is by now and the damage that can be done.








: My heart and prayers go out to you. Like the others I am glad you have the kind of relationship w/your dd that she could tell you. When I first saw your post I wasn't going to read it, but I then I thought, "what if something happened to my dd?" As parents we don't like to hear stories like this, but the way you are handling things cannot be easy, but you seem like you are just a very strong trooper.


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

You are a fantastic mama. You will be able to see your daughter through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

And also--don't feel like you have to justify any of your decisions here! A lot of mamas are rooting for you and want to help by offering advice, but it's up to you whether to take it or not. Save your energies to take care of your daughter and yourself.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

I'm so sorry this happened to your sweet baby girl. You're such a great mama to listen to her and act on the information. You know your military situation better than a civilian like me. If you think it best to hold off on telling your dh then do so..tell him later.

Keep us updated. All the best.







for you







for your dd


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## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

I am so sorry mama


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## mesecina (Apr 22, 2004)

Just wanted to echo that your reaction is is the bright sspot in a bad situation. I am hoping for the best possible resolution for you and your family.


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## MamaHippo (Dec 4, 2004)

I am so sorry to hear about your DD's experience







. You are so strong and smart to think as quickly as you did, and get your little girl the help she needs so fast. You are doing everything right and I commend you. I will pray for strength for you and fast healing for your little girl's spirit.







:
I hope the boy that did this gets some serious help, and is punished accordingly.








Lisa


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## Khadijah (Jul 19, 2005)

Momma i feel your pain. I have never had this happen to me or my kids and hope to god it never does. All i can offer if my prayers,i will keep your family in my prayers.All i can say is that you should always know were your kids are at all times and i know that that is not enough. I have a 10 month old and 8year old. I never let my youngest go anywhere with out me, ever if its just over to his nana's house(grandma) i dont let him be around noone alone. If he is with anyone i tell my husband to stay there and not to walk off. Because these days you have to be careful cause you cant even tell about relatives. I dont plan on letting my 10month old go any were unless he can talk so he can tell me what has happen to him or so on .Even with my 9year old. I always ask what has happened, and wont let him stay the nightwith anyone,
Momma you did the right thing and i hope you press charges against this boy. He needs to get some help before its too late.


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## curlyfry (Feb 16, 2005)

to you and your brave little girl.

You are handling this amazingly! It must be so hard not to call dh and tell him, but now I understand why you are withholding the information for the time being. It's better to catch him off guard.

If you are able to, please keep us updated.


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## fremontmama (Jun 11, 2004)

Mama I am so sorry that happened. I agree with the other posts in saying good for you for immediately taking action and coming to the defense of your dd!

I am thinking good thoughts of support and strength and healing for you and dd and dh.

Let us know what happens. Obviously that boy needs some help!







:


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

I am so sorry this happenned to you and your DD and family. It sounds like you're handling it in the perfect way. Your DD is very lucky that you are there advocating for her. And your DH is lucky to have a wife that is keeping the home fires burning and handling things so well in his absence.

I also noticed from your signature that you are pregnant? Somehow that made me feel especially bad that you have to go through this during this time.









One little thing i wanted to add to what a previous poster said about the district attorney deciding whether to file-- I worked as a juvenile probation officer and so had a lot of dealings with the system, and I would encourage you to communicate directly with the district attorney's office and raise hell and insist that the case be prosecuted. In my experience, they really do listen to victims if they are vocal and it makes a difference in what the outcome might be. (And legally you are the "victim" since you are the legal representative of a minor child.)

Hugs to you and your DD!!


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## Blue Dragonfly (Jun 19, 2005)

Thinking good thoughts for you and your baby girl

R


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## Greensleeves (Aug 4, 2004)

Oh God, I wanted to cry reading this. I am so sorry for your sweet little girl, and for you. I see that you are pregnant, and your dh is deployed too.......I can't imagine being in your situation right now. Huge hugs to you.

I wanted to say, like everyone else, that I am so impressed with you as a mama. You listened to your intuition and did everything absolutely right. I think it will be important for both you AND her to know in the future, that this is not your faults. HE is 100% in the wrong.

The most important thing I think will be not to let it define her. Always, always it should be emphasized that there was something wrong with this boy, not her. You tell her that she is good, wonderful and amazing, always.








Please take care of yourself, mama.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

I must commend you for your clear-headedness on this!

My stomach sank when I read your story and my thoughts are with you. I can't imagine something like this.

You are going about this the right way. You really seem to have it well thought out.

That young man needs to spend time in jail.

Be Strong!


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## melinoz (Jul 5, 2005)

I'm so sorry that you and your dd are going through this. I just wanted to echo the pp's in saying that you handled the situation perfectly. You're doing such a good job of taking care of your little one.


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## bobica (May 31, 2004)

i'm so sorry you & dd are going through this! you're a strong mama!!!


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## seren (Jul 11, 2003)

Oh mama, Hugs! You are living my worst nightmare. I am so sorry you and your dd are going through this.


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## warrior mama (Feb 9, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear about this. Be gentle with yourself. I am thinking and praying for you and your family.


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## Emmama (Jan 21, 2004)

Oh my gosh, the boys mother is the FRG leader?!?! This is bad. I can see why you have waited to tell DH. My heart goes out to you and your daughter, and your DH.


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## saritasmile (Sep 5, 2004)

Mama, big hugs to you and your dd! I just think you are handling it so wonderfully and calmly!. Having gone thru something similar as a child, and then watching my dad literally almost kill my brother was aweful. I don't know which was the more damaging thing. You are such a great mama! hugs again!


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## abclan (Apr 18, 2005)

Oh! Your story hurts my heart. I am so sorry to hear it.

Peace to you and your sweet precious girl.


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## Proudly AP (Jul 12, 2003)

my heart goes out to you and your dd.

please do let us know how the interview went. i hope they have someone very skilled at interviewing children do it.


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## KegJeg (Feb 13, 2006)

Wow, I just don't know what to say other than I am so deeply sorry. I hope your DD will be ok.


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

Oh God, I am so sorry this happened. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job in this situation. She's so lucky to have you...and I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you as a mother. How did the interview go? I am so, so sorry...I'm putting out lots of prayers for peace and strength to you and your dd.

There's so many people here who were molested as children. I was one of them. I am so sorry mamas that we had to go through that. These things should never happen.


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Nicole- It makes me so sick that this has happened to your daughter.
I hope the interview wasn't traumatic or too difficult for your dd.

You're a wonderful mom to have acted immediately.

How does your daughter seem to be handling this? Has she tried talking about it (other than the interview)?

I was molested as a child but not that young. My mom did not believe me.
I'm so glad you thought so quickly. Well done, mama.

Hugs to you and dd.
Liz


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Oh, my goodness, mama . . .












































I am in shock as to how fast that scenario happened. It makes me realize that try as we might, it is so hard to protect our DC 100% of the time.

That terrifies me.

However, your response to the problem was amazing. It sounds like (from mamas who've "been there") that this is crucial. That though we can't always keep harm away from our children (again, this terrifies me) that we can help the healing process tremendously.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers, as will those of you who've gone through this.

My head is spinning with how often this happens. WHAT the heck is wrong with human beings?


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## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

DH called this morning and I told him what happened. His reaction was not what I expected at all. He cried and was angry, but not in a violent rage. I did my best to get him up to speed without overwhelming him.

We were assigned a new investigator who stopped by to introduce himself. DD was laughing and playing when he was here, she really liked him. When the investigator was here DH called and said that he is able to come home early, he will be here in 2 weeks on a scheduled flight with people who come home earlier than the rest of the battalion. He sounded so sad, just heartbroken on the phone. The only time I have ever heard him sound like that is when we have gotten into BIG fights before he deployed (the stress is terrible) and talked about separation.

In the interview DD did not disclose any inforamtion. They were very careful not to ask her any leading questions and did not use the suspects name. She became uncomfortable at the end and clammed up. That is fine, she may not be ready to talk about it. However, as we were in the car leaving, she was talking about stuff to herself using his name, her body parts and saying "help me, help me".









The investigator said that they will attempt to contact the family tomorrow and get him in for questioning before Friday. They will let me know what is going on when they have new developments. I am trying to be patient, but knowing that my husband will be home soon is a big help.

We are waiting for Baby #2 to be born. It is unfortunate that she will be born during a very difficult time. People have been through worse, but we were really looking forward to DH coming home and being one big _happy_ family again.









Much love to you all for your positive responses. When I start to doubt myself, all I have to do is read what you wrote and I feel the love and support.


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## Changed (Mar 14, 2004)

Please keep us update. I will continue to pray for your family and for healing for your sweet girl.


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## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

Forgot to add, the interviewer was very impressed with DD's verbal skills and remarked on her intellignece. DD had one of her baby dolls with her and nursed her during the interview.







That's my boobie baby!


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## MelMel (Nov 9, 2002)

thank you so much for posting about this....my dd is the same age (3), and i have a 15 year old step brother who loves to 'wrestle' with her and it always made me uncomfortable. i never wanted to seem crazy but always insisted the door stay open...and i am now glad i did....and will listen to my instinct and end it.

i cant believe how many of you have been molested or raped and i am so sorry for all of you...but also thankful that you are helping me and many others understand its not just someone else, the numbers are so staggering it could be our child very easily.








s


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## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

Oh Mama. My heart continues to break for you all. I will continue to offer up my prayers.


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## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lizc*
My mom did not believe me.
Liz









Liz. Mine didn't believe me either.


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## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MelMel*
thank you so much for posting about this....my dd is the same age (3), and i have a 15 year old step brother who loves to 'wrestle' with her and it always made me uncomfortable. i never wanted to seem crazy but always insisted the door stay open...and i am now glad i did....and will listen to my instinct and end it.

You know, I grew up watching Oprah and if I have learned anything at all it is to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. She points it out quite frequently and I think that she has helped a lot of people.


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## Kaitnbugsmom (Dec 4, 2003)

my parents don't believe me to this day. Viper has held me and comforted me through many nightmares..


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## Kaitnbugsmom (Dec 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *USMCbaby*
You know, I grew up watching Oprah and if I have learned anything at all it is to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. She points it out quite frequently and I think that she has helped a lot of people.


agreed...


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## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

If your parents did not believe you, or did not do anything to stop the abuse, I am so sorry. I know how guilty I feel for this happening to DD and can not imagine knowing something happened, but not helping her get through it.

I keep thinking about how frantic I felt when I couldn't find her. I have never felt such a strong connection to anyone like that. It is not the same as her being lost in a store, which has happened before. It was like somebody or something was trying to tell me that she was in trouble.

Someday, I hope that she knows I tried to protect her and that I love her more than anything in this world.


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## loon13 (Dec 2, 2002)

Oh, Nicole. I'm so sorry this had to happen to your dd. Thinking of you....


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

I am weeping over here.







I am so sorry this happened to your sweet dd. I am among the many here who have been molested as a child and you are doing the most important healing thing you can do for her...you are listening to her, trusting her, and fighting for her. She will always know that her mama is on her side and will protect her with all her might.


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## joesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *USMCbaby*
When the investigator was here DH called and said that he is able to come home early, he will be here in 2 weeks on a scheduled flight with people who come home earlier than the rest of the battalion.

I am SO glad to read that. It won't come fast enough for any of you, I am sure.

And...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *USMCbaby*
Someday, I hope that she knows I tried to protect her and that I love her more than anything in this world.

I _*guarantee*_ you, she already knows.







:


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## maybelle (Jan 27, 2005)

Hugs to you and your sweet daughter. You're strength and clear-headedness in this worst of situations are to be highly commended.


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## Sweetiemommy (Jul 19, 2005)

I just wanted to say that something similar happened to me at the same age. I do remember the situation, but because my family believed me and handled the situation appropriately, I don't feel that I have any lasting damage. What is most important is how you handle it and how she feels about it. I can imagine you must be horrified. I will never understand how abusers can do these things. I am glad you found out early and that it wasn't a repeat offense (much more damaging, I am sure).

Sending you love and peace. Maybe the boy will get the help he needs because of this. Probably he was molested at some point.


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## EyesOfTheWorld (Apr 20, 2004)

I just had to send warmth to your daughter and family.







You'll be in my prayers and thoughts.


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

Sending you light and to your dd as well. My heart aches for all of you.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I'm no help. I just wanted to send







s and prayers to you and your sweet girl. I'll keep your family in my prayers.


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## littlecityfarmer (Apr 27, 2004)

What a terrible, disgusting situation.







to you and your family!


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

Lots of people have already said this, but I just wanted to commend you on being such an attuned and proactive mama. I really believe that your daughter will get through this much more easily because you are handling it so well.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I'm so sorry mama. You're living one of my worst nightmares. I too believe that you have done and are doing exactly the right thing.


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## joandsarah77 (Jul 5, 2005)

I'm so sorry, hugs







to both you and your dd.


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## JayGee (Oct 5, 2002)

You're doing the right thing, Mama


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## Electra375 (Oct 2, 2002)

I'm very glad to hear the military is letting him come home early. I think that is a show for the 'new' military and the respect for families and the roles of fathers in the family. Your dd needs to know that not all 'boys/men' are 'bad', yet at the same time know and understand there are bad people out there and always to be cautious even with family and friends -- it's a hard place to be in I'm sure. B/c adult women can attest to the untrusting nature their abuse played in their lives, some of it for the better and some of it caused much pain in the relationship area.

Again, I am so happy for you that your dh is coming home so you all can be together. I hope that you all as a family will be seeking counseling as a way to go through the healing process.

My prayers go out to you and your family.


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## Kaitnbugsmom (Dec 4, 2003)

I am also glad the Corps is letting him come home early...







s and prayers for you all as you go through this. Demob isn't fun to begin with, and with a huge tragedy like this at the same time.... much love and prayers from here


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## mystic~mama (Apr 27, 2004)

oh mama, I am soo sorry this has happened!!!! your family will be in my prayers~~~~~~blessings~~~~~


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## DragonflyBlue (Oct 21, 2003)

As for the OP...

Your sweet DD will get through this and she can be healthy, trusting, loving and happy.

Despite my own abuse when I was younger and the other horrors I went through as a young woman, I am doing pretty darn good.

My oldest daughter, Marrissa, struggled with her abuse and a mental illness. The combination of the two were more than she could take and we lost her to suicide in 2003.

My other two girls, despite their abuse and the loss of their sister have blossomed. One is a 3.9 GPA student in school, active in her ASL group and planning on being a nurse. The younger one loves school, her friends, and life. She is always smiling and laughing. Both have healed very well with love, therapy, the ability to talk about it if and when they needed to and in knowing they were safe in their homes and in the world.

You are a loving mom and with you and your dh at her side, she will come through this.

Janis


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## ankh (Feb 23, 2005)

USMCbaby







s to you and your family. You sound like you are being incredibly strong.


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## sinsaratea (May 14, 2004)

sending healing vibes to your daughter and strength vibes to you. i am so sorry to hear this. you are doing all the right things. a million and one hugs to you!


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## mosky22 (Jan 4, 2004)

Oh mama







You are so strong. God Bless You.
Everyone here is with you, you did such a good thing contacting a PO right away. That will go a long way for you dd. If dd is talking about it with you, then she will talk about it with someone else. Then the boy will be held responsible. Most likely he was also molested, so maybe his perpetrator will also be held responsible. No matter what, you have done what you can to protect your child, and by talking about it and dealing with it, your dd will be able to get on with life as a child.

Children are amazing, and what they can deal with and process and still be happy and healthy children is amazing. Of course she has been tramatized, but with yours and your dh help, she will get through it. Be sure to get some counsiling for yourself, it is going to be tough when the baby comes. Don't forget to take care of you.


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## fremontmama (Jun 11, 2004)

I just wanted to say I am so glad your dh will be able to come home soon! Sending lots and lots of thoughts of support, healing and strength.









And I second my emotion of you doing a good job for your dd, she is lucky to have such an intuitive mama who advocates for her.


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## oneotamama (Apr 23, 2004)

This makes me so sad. You're doing the right thing mama. I'll pray for your dd and your family.


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## lissabob (Dec 18, 2005)

You did and are doing a great job. I know my dh would be like the dh that is posting on here (but I don't think he'd stop at knocking the kid's teeth out). But you're wise to let the system do their job and take care of your dd. **HUGS**


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## tnrsmom (Apr 8, 2002)

This thread has been cleaned up a bit. If you notice a post of your missing, it was removed most likely due to quoting or responding to posts that needed to be removed for violations.

~Stephanie

Mama, how are things today?


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## Greensleeves (Aug 4, 2004)

continued hugs and prayers.............


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## Fiercemama (May 30, 2003)

Nicole,

It breaks my heart to hear what has happened to your darling daughter and your family. How difficult this must be to bear while you wait for your DH to arrive safely home.

I hope that you can find some relief and comfort in the community here. I've been amazed myself during some difficult times to realize how much the thoughts and prayers of "strangers" on line could mean to me.







We are here for you, mama! Its important to have a place where you can share your thoughts and feelings, especially since the confidentiality of the situation must be maintained, at least for the short term, to best protect your daughter. I hope that you can find some resources to help YOU through this too. Can the authorities help direct you to councilling for you, or do you have a local parent's support phone line?

I too am so impressed with your clarity of thought, and how you trusted your instincts and acted quickly and decisively. Your actions will speak so loudly to your daugther. Hopefully that is what she will take away from the situation - that her mother trusts her, listens to her, that she is so, so precious and loved very, very, very much.


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## Brayg (Jun 18, 2003)

I'm so sorry, mama. You are doing the right thing.


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## Jilian (Jun 16, 2003)

I am so sorry mama.








sending love and positive vibes to you and your DD. It sounds like you are handling the situation very well, I admire your strength. Good for you for reporting it, I hope this guy is put away and never allowed near another child again. You may have just saved several other children from being abused.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

I'm so sorry your family is going through this mama!


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## MsChatsAlot (Sep 8, 2005)

Just wanted to add more love and support to your DD and your entire family.


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## sciencemama (Nov 13, 2004)

Couldn't read your post without adding my support and prayers for you, your dd and family. You will be in my thoughts.


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## mommaJ (May 3, 2005)

oh mama,

it breaks my heart. I'm thinking of you. You handled it incredibly well and I"m sure you will continue to do so.

xoxoxo


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## Jilian (Jun 16, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lizc*
I was molested as a child but not that young. My mom did not believe me.









Me too mama, but I was pretty young.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tnrsmom*
This thread has been cleaned up a bit.

Yay!


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## wendygrace (Oct 16, 2003)

nak










Thoughts r w/ you.


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## jwozy (Dec 14, 2005)

My thoughts are with you.


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## sweetpea333 (Jul 2, 2005)




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## ryleeee (Feb 9, 2005)

oh my goodness








you must be LIVID.
i seriously just read this thread with my hand over my mouth fighting back tears.
i am unbelievably sorry that this happened to you.
oh my gosh.
many hugs and prayers for you and your little one.


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## almama (Mar 22, 2003)

I wish you and your DD did not have to go through this. She is so lucky to have you!!!!!


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## AidansMommy1012 (Jan 9, 2006)

My family's thoughts and prayers are with you guys. God bless you for doing the right thing and sending such a strong message of protection to your daughter. Knowing that her family stands with her and loves and will protect her, no matter what, makes all the difference, I'm sure.


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

I'm sorry you and your family have to endure this, but I really admire how you handled it. It shows what a healthy and strong person you are. I know far too many people who were abused and did nothing, or whose children were abused- and also did nothing! I can't understand that at all, but I also think I would go to pieces in my own grief, and not necessarily be as effective an advocate as you have been- for your daughter, your husband, youself, too. You're really to be commended for putting your daughter first, and doing the right thing, 100%.

You also have the opportunity, by pursuing it through the proper channels, to help several lives - including the boy who did this. Who knows what abuse he might have been suffering or might continue to be suffering that led to this assault? I hope everything is resolved well, and quickly, for everyone involved.


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## Mariposa (Nov 12, 2002)

Nicole,

You are an awesome mama! Your DD will get through this because you believed and trusted her and are helping her! Hugs and prayers to you. Glad DH will be home soon.

As an abuse survivor that never got help, I am sure your DD will be helped by dealing with this earlier. My sister wasn't so lucky and has suffered so much from our abuse by a family friend. We didn't tell anyone, wish we had.








s to you and your sweet little girl. My DD is her age and I am so fearful that she will one day be a victim as well.


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## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

seeing as you were so amazing in dealing with this, i am sure you will get her some type of counseling, but i just want to restate that it's needed. noone ever knew about mine and i actually forgot for 8 years, but even though i didn't remember it i dealt with the issues from it the whole time. your support is everything to her, and counseling on top of that will help her get past it and live a healthy life.

it's amazing to me and just warms my heart that you realized something was wrong, my parents had so many signs that something was worng and they never did eanything, sometimes i still think about that. thank you for knowing for trsuting yourself for believing and taking action. you and your dd will be in my thoughts.

Courtney


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

I just wanted to let you know that your family is in my thoughts.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

You are an unbelievable mama, and your dd is an unbelievable little girl. She was able to tell you what happened, and you had the strength to act on it. Your bond will get you both through this and I am so glad to hear the dh will be able to get home to support you both.

This crime traumatized each of you in the family. Please get counciling for each of you individually and together. Hoping you will all find peace.


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

I'm so sorry mama, you did the right thing (I couldn't read and not post)


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty*

That young man needs to spend time in jail.


ITA


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## Heidi (Jun 17, 2004)

You are a wonderful mamma! You believed,trusted your child and acted on it.


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

I couldnt read and not post. I am so sorry Mama. It is a nightmare- a worst fear. I am so saddened and sickened to hear what has happened to your sweet girl But you made all the right moves immediately and are proactive!! And most of all - you believed her and acted on your gut. Many hugs and continued prayers coming your way as you move forward. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I am so so sorry this has happened. I am just so sorry.


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## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

s


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## lovebug (Nov 2, 2004)

how are things mama any new updates? im soooooo sorry this happened to you and your DD. glad to hear your DH is coming home. i just sorry it has to be like that







my heart is with you. hang in there!

love
kelly

PS you are much stronger then i. if this happened to me and DH was gone i would have fell apart!


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

Prayers for you and your dd.I hope your familiy is doing ok, and that the boy is being punished.
Hugs and prayers for all who have gone through this. It is so sad that we can not trust anyone with our children.


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## annarosa (Aug 30, 2004)

you trusted your own instincts and your child's - well done - you did all the right things
you say your DD seems OK - I am glad - just watch her and see if any little signs of unrest come out in her play or in her reactions to others, if so you may need to re-iterate that what he did was wrong and that it is your wish to always protect her..........


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## erniebobernie (Aug 6, 2005)




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## coloradoalice (Oct 12, 2005)

Good for you protecting your little girl!! I had an extremely similar situation happen to me when I was 4, a neighbor boy babysat us and made me suck his penis. I don't know how many days went by, but I remember distinctly when I told my mother, and she immediately called the police. I remember bits and pieces of things, but mostly I am so glad my parents believed me and protected me. I got a quick education on what was ok and not ok for others to do to and with me. I never had anyone take advantage of me again. Please let us know how things are going and how your daughter is doing.


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## Nitenites (Jan 23, 2003)

I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now, but know that you did the right thing!!







Good for you for trusting your instincts, and believing your daughter - and TAKING ACTION! I'll be praying for you & your family.


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## Hazelnut (Sep 14, 2005)

I'm so sorry. This makes me so angry. Who raises these boys? It's like our society teaches them that girls and women aren't people too, but expendable objects for them. Maybe he was abused. Maybe not. I'm guessing your daughter will heal with you on her side. I hope you get justice too though.


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

what these mamas all said
You asked, You believed, you protected.
You didn't freak out on her.
GO MAMA GO!
What a lucky little girl


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## minmoto2 (Dec 23, 2004)

to you & your dd


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## JenniferC (Dec 5, 2002)

Nicole,

Your family have been in my thoughts all day. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job of handling the situation, loving your daughter, believing her, staying calm and taking action. You are such a good mom! *hugs to you all*. I hope that you're able to find resolution with this situation.


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## ThinkBlu (Oct 17, 2005)

So sorry this happened and that you are having to deal with all of this and without the close support of your husband.

FWIW.

When my son was 32 mos old, while inside a resturaunt playland with some other kids, a five year old who was in foster care and previously the victim of abuse / sexual abuse tried to force my son to mouth his penis. My son bit him on the hip to get away, that's all we know. DS was very verbal for his age, but not able to clearly communicate exactly what did and did not happen, and it didn't help that at first the focus was on the fact that he had biten the other child without understanding and giving credit to the fact that he had done so for a reason.

I documented the incident well, informed authorities, though the police were not involved.

The first few weeks into months were very hard. For one, I lived in fear of his new vocabulary and where / when it may surface, but mostly it was the heartbreak and trying to do the best thing for my son, not knowing what that meant. I wanted to give him the support he needed, but at the same time, I didn't want to focus too much on it...I hoped it would fade from memory so I didn't want to do anything to focus his thoughts on the event if that wasn't what he needed. For the first week or so, he would say various things a few times daily, then only once a day, usually during our 'winding down for bedtime' conversations, then it was only an occosional comment and now at 4 yrs of age, I think it's been at least 8 months since he's said anything. DS has an excellent memory, don't know if he remembers or not (suspect he does) but we have worked to avoid that playland so as to not refresh the memory.

Anyway, now close to 18 mos. after the fact, it seems to have had little impact. Though I know that we are all impacted in little ways that we do not understand, I feel pretty confident that this event is not going to have strong lasting effects.

Best wishes to your daugher and your familiy.


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## Journey (Jun 12, 2002)

(((HUGS)))

I have been there, and it is HARD. I too, felt that mama instinct that something wasn't right. My daughter was abducted at church by a member of the congregation (the district superintendant of the churches' son). I immediately went to the police. This happened 3 weeks before Easter of 2003. The guy (19 at the time), skipped state. It ended up coming out in the investigation that he had been regularly molesting at least one other child regularly at the church for 2 years.

He was sentenced to 2 years in jail for what he did to the other girl. Because he didn't actually molest my daughter (he dragged her to the bathroom and watched her urinate, before my then 4 y/o daughter felt something was wrong and slammed the door on him and ran) he was not charged... which REALLY upset me.

Because the man was 17 when he started hurting that other girl, he is not a registered sex offender. That part of the law really upsets me, and I would love to see it changed.

My daughter, now 7, talks about what happened. She is so proud of herself. She stood up for herself, and listened to her instincts. She fought back against a 19 year old man, who intended to hurt her, and she got away! Several of her friends have been molested, and my daughter talks openly with them about what had happened to her. There is no shame. This will have an impact on her for the rest of her life, but I hope it's a good one... she knows she always has the power to say "NO! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!!" and try to escape. Even at 4 years old, she knew this.

I tried educating the church after this, even giving them my copy of "Protecting The Gift". Unfortunately, it did no good, and many, MANY people left the church over this, and the poor way it was handled. One of the Sunday School teachers knew that abuse was going on in her Sunday School room and STILL allowed the abuser to be alone with these young children. She was temporarily let go from being a Sunday School teacher, but was back at it only 4 months later.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I couldn't read and not post. I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your dd and the way you are handling it is amazing.


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## DecemberSun (Jul 6, 2003)

Hope you and your DD are hanging in there...

Any update?


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## SunflowerMama (Nov 20, 2001)

Hugs and prayers. How are you all doing? Is your husband back yet.


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Dear USMCmom,
I do not know you, that is true, however I do know that what your daughter and yourself have gone through is not someting that should ever have to happen to any family, especially a child, i dont know what to say, nor would i know what to say if that happend to any of the kids I was caring for(i am a nanny) or my own kids, i do know i would be seriously furious. VERY. Several of my closest friends have had this and it just sickens me. really that guy needs counseling, or to be kept away from kids. I hope your daughter is doing better, (yet i doubt the memory will be extinquished) and i hope that you are too, im sorry if im bringing back any bad memories, what i am saying is, you did the right thing by telling the police, and your daughter knows she has major support from her loving parent.


cheers


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## familylove (Mar 14, 2006)

Dear Mama,

I am SO sorry...what a nightmare!!!







What a great mom you are...to believe in and help the healing process begin for your DD. I hope you have friends and/or family at hand to help you through this. It must make things double hard to have DH deployed.

Sorry that I don't have any advice; as so many others have said, I just couldn't read your post without responding and offering support!

Positive thoughts coming your way,
Lauren


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## FrederickMama (Apr 14, 2004)

I'm not able to read all the replies and i know it's been a few weeks since the original post.
I did want to say how awesome it is that you reacted and ACTED immediately.
That speaks volumes to your child........It really does.
Thank you for standing up for your child - too many other parents don't.


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## LisaMcB (Sep 22, 2004)

I have just read the whole thread and simply wanted to send my love and support to you, your DD and your whole family.

I applaud your support of your DD and your strength to deal with the whole situation in such a manner. I hope that your DH being home has brought more strength and healing to all of you.

I have 2 DDs, 4 1/2 & 2 1/2. The thought of something like that happening horrifies me.

I don't have concrete info about what happened to me as a child, but I know that my father and my older brother physically creep me out in an extreme manner. I cannot stand being in the same room with them. (My younger brother does not give me this feeling.) My older brother and his friends locked me in the playroom as a teenager, making me watch porn in slow motion with them. That, I remember concretely.

But there is something about my father and sexuality that really makes my skin crawl. (Both my brothers are their biological children and I was adopted.) For some reason, I vaguely remember him fondling me, but I have blocked out much of my miserable childhood.

Because of this, I have now sworn that my children are not allowed to visit any of my family without me, which is pretty much never. DD1 used to visit every once in a while between ages 2 to 3, maybe 4 times... until I became strong enough in my mothering to tell them where to go.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. May peace and healing come quickly.
Lisa


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## Zyla (Nov 27, 2005)

Just wanted to send some warm wishes your way.







You sound very strong -- good for you for protecting your daughter so well!


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## gilleoin (Jan 30, 2006)

Just wanted to send positive vibes your way.
You absolutely did the right thing and your dd will have no doubt that you are in her corner in life









Hope things resume to being happier soon.


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## Darcy37 (Oct 25, 2004)

When my Daughter was 2 my nephew who was 12 tried to molest her I caught him before he could do more then undress her and undress himself .I told my sister I would not press charges if she got him help they left the state.Iam glad you acted instantly good job stand by your guns as the mother of this 15 yr old will probably do whatever to protect her son even lie.You have to ask yourself does the apple fall far from the tree?


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## cinnamonamon (May 2, 2003)

s mama, what a terrible, terrible thing to happen. Your family is in my prayers as you navigate through the emotional, physical, legal & political currents to resolve this...


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## chasmyn (Feb 23, 2004)

I'm just now reading this thread...







: to you, Mama, it brings tears to my eyes knowing this happened to your sweet DD and to you. I can only echo what so many have said - you are the example of the right thing to do - your daughter will grow up knowing that you are in her corner advocating for her, and that is most important. Power to you, Mama.


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## massaginmommy (Mar 5, 2005)

I can't say anymore than what the other posters have said. I just couldn't read this and not post to give you a








I hope everything is going well for your family and that your DH is back home again.


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## Pagan_princess (Jul 17, 2004)

I just sat here and read this entire thread and I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking about you and your family!!

Are there any updates? Please let us know what happened.

Stay Strong Mama!!


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## kater07 (Jan 6, 2002)

I just read most of this thread, and I am so proud of you for believing and protecting your baby girl.

I am so sorry that it happend to you and angry that it happens at all.

I hope you'll update us soon. I'd like to know that the authorities took you seriously, and they DID something about this.


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## redwolf2 (Jan 3, 2006)

Healings to your precious DD and family


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## daekini (Jun 17, 2004)




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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I'm so sorry this happened....


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

One USMC (former) wife to another







:

Thinking of you.


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## mama_at_home (Apr 27, 2004)

I am so very sorry!! You did the right thing. I would want to kill that boy if I were in your shoes! Hopefully your DD will not remember this as she gets older. Hugs to you and your family.


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## kharden (Aug 17, 2005)

Like everyone else I could just not leave this post without posting and offering some moral support. Reading your story made me literally ill, but I was so incredibly proud of you for speaking up to the police the second you saw them. So many other people tend to second guess themselves, especially when it involves a friend (or a neighbor). You were very proactive and that is so wonderful. I know it must be so hard having your husband so far away at this time, and not trying to burden him with the information. My heart simply goes out to you, and I wish I could just give you the hug you so richly deserve right now. You will certainly remain in my thoughts.

Stacie


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## tryingitnatural (Aug 30, 2005)

I too was a child (4.5) my Grandmother's husband was the offender but in my case to this day noone in my family knows. I was afraid to say anything when I was little and now to say something would just make my father's health worse. I am so proud of you and your daughter. You have given your daughter enough trust that she confided in you without hesitation and you were strong enough to ask. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## lisser (Oct 11, 2004)

I'm so sorry that your daughter had to experience such an awful situation and the stress and anger you all must be feeling.

I also wonder about the boy...most children are not "naturally" inclined to do sexual things to other people who are not willing. Somewhere along the line he must have lived through this very same horror. Unfortunately, that does not excuse his behaviour in the least.

Lisser


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## MoonJelly (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *USMCbaby*
If your parents did not believe you, or did not do anything to stop the abuse, I am so sorry. I know how guilty I feel for this happening to DD and can not imagine knowing something happened, but not helping her get through it.

I keep thinking about how frantic I felt when I couldn't find her. I have never felt such a strong connection to anyone like that. It is not the same as her being lost in a store, which has happened before. It was like somebody or something was trying to tell me that she was in trouble.

Someday, I hope that she knows I tried to protect her and that I love her more than anything in this world.











That connection is so powerful. That's really great that you followed your instincts.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

I'm glad you were able to listen to your daughter and that your daughter was big enough to explain to you what happened. My daughter is 3 and I know that she wouldn't hesitate to say the word penis or any other word.







: she tells us everything! She has a very big mouth which I'm thankful for. These are things we also teach our children very young, because you just never know who is out there that might try to harm your child. It's so sad but it can happen.

I hope things are going well for you soon.


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## counterGOPI (Jan 22, 2005)

oh mama! i am so sorry!!!! please please keep us updated. thats so wrong!!!







:







: to you and your family.


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## alaska (Jun 12, 2004)

I think you acted very responsibly for your daughter - you did the absolute right thing.
I would contact your local victim's rights group, too. There might be resources available to you that you aren't aware of, or there might be additional steps to take, things to look for that they can alert you to.
hugs mama.


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## USMCbaby (Dec 1, 2002)

I have not updated in a long time. DH was sent home on emergency leave from Iraq in March. We are in family counseling and DD is in play therapy once a week.

In the begining she had sleep issues but has made a lot of progress. I suppose us living our lives as normal as possible has helped her.

I am due with her little sister any day now and she is every excited to help change diapers and teach her not to eat crayons.









I am so thankful for all the responses and PM's that I got from this site. I have had good days and bad, but we are getting through it as a family. DH's main concern is that I don't feel guilty for what happened. Easier said than done, but I am working on it.

There have been no court appearances yet. The first date was set for April but there was a continuance until 5/22. I think that will be hard on us, but until then we will focus our energy on DD and her new sister.

Blessings to all,
Nicole


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## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

I am glad to hear that you are healing as best as you can. I continue to keep you all in my prayers.


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## deleria (Mar 8, 2004)

Thank you so much for the update, mama. I'll continue to think good thoughts for all of you


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)




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## chasmyn (Feb 23, 2004)

Thank you for the update, Mama - I am glad you are together as a family and are supporting each other.


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## Greensleeves (Aug 4, 2004)

continued good thoughts for your little family.............


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## Emmama (Jan 21, 2004)

Thank you for the update







I am happy your husband is home and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Gentle birthing vibes your way too....


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I'm glad that things are going as well as they can with you. I'm really glad you're all in counseling, and that there does seem to be some legal action.

I just wanted to offer some hope - a very similar situation happened with a family member and a male babysitter (and like your dd it was more than a one time thing). Her mom felt much like you did - sick, guilty, and all the rest. But, like you, believed her daughter, took action and they worked their way through. And like you, she was pregnant at the time.

The child who was molested is now 16 - a beatiful girl, strong, active, healthy and smart. She barely remembers what happened, and it has not affected her development at all. The family had some hard times, but they are very healthy and happy now.

This is a hard thing to do - make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for taking action as quickly as you could, for getting counseling and for working to heal the family. Let's hope the court date brings some closure.

I hope for a smooth and uneventful birth!


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

Thank you for the update and I'm glad your dh is able to be with you. Good luck with the upcoming birth.


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

I am so proud of you for flagging down the police officer and reporting this right away and caring more about protecting your daughter than about protecting the molester.


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## Fiddlemom (Oct 22, 2003)




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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)




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## julesie-pie (May 7, 2006)

I am new here and I just read your OP and your Update.
I cried a few tears and I am so so sorry that happened







But I am glad that your dd is doing better bighugs to your family


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## ~ATenthMuse~ (Mar 16, 2003)

Thank you for the update. It's good to hear that you're all moving towards some form of healing. Many hugs to you and your daughter.

Take care, Nicole.


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## babibelli (Jun 4, 2002)

hugs to you and your family mama. You are such a good mother for believing her and protecting her







s


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## Fyrestorm (Feb 14, 2006)

On behalf of all those who were molested as children...Thank you for believing her!!


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## mamatoady (Mar 16, 2004)

I tried to pm you, but it wouldn't go through.

I actually want to thank you...sounds weird, I know....I was molested when I was 4 a number of times by a 15/16 year old male babysitter and when I finally told my mom, though she believed me, when he said nothing happened she dropped the whole issue, as though it never happened. She never talked to me about it, never pressed charges, and I grew up thinking I was horrible and shameful and dirty my entire life and also believing that is wasn't ok to talk about...well, I just finished up 6 years of therapy. I remember asking my therapist once if I would have been better if I had therapy when I was little and he said things would have turned out better if my mom had thought about my feelings rather than her own (basically she was too afraid, feeling guilty etc. to notice that I was feeling a lot too)..

anyway, I could write a book, but I want to thank you for everything you are doing for your little girl....what an amazing mom you are (I'm totally sobbing right now, but in a good way)...

peace to you on this mother's day.
Sarah


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## Tuesday (Mar 3, 2003)

USMCbaby - I just saw this thread now and wanted to send you all the positive vibes, prayers and hugs I could. And as Fyrestorm said, "On behalf of all those who were molested as children...Thank you for believing her!! " You're a good mama. Much love to your family.


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## EmmalinesMom (Feb 9, 2003)




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## kat85 (Apr 12, 2006)

Hope this doesn't effect her childhood or alter her life in any manner. I am praying for you.


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## merrybee (May 18, 2002)

You are such a strong mama. You have done everything right. I pray for healing for your family. My dd was molested by my ex so I know what you are going through. Stay strong. You dd knows you love and protect her, that's the best medicine for her.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Thanks for the update- I've been wondering how things were going for your family. I think the best way to deal with your guilt is to forgive yourself for being human. As much as we may like to be able to see in other people's minds and hearts, we can't. You're doing the right thing by getting dd help and more importantly, using the legal system. While you may feel some guilt (definetly not justified!) about dd, think of all the other little girls out there you have saved. Your dd will heal and thank you for handling the situation with the tenacity and grace you did.


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