# I think I've sprung a leak.



## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

I starting leaking last night after a position change and continued to do the same this morning. Large mass of mucus accompanying.






















I will see a hb midwife today at 1pm, she's going to check the fluid to make sure it's amniotic fluid.
I have inserted NOTHING, have no plans to insert ANYTHING.
I'm drinking LOTS of fluids.
Vitamin C has been upped.
Immaculate hygiene.
Rest.

Help me toss around some potential scenarios ladies, would you? If this has to go this way, I'd like to do some planning ahead, kwim?

As long as there is no sign of infection, can I just lay here for a few more weeks?
Anyone ever been on bed rest in a hospital and then checked out at 36 weeks and gone home to deliver? (wishful thinking?)
I don't want to be induced.
I don't want a section.
I don't want my baby laying in NICU for 2 months.









I know if I hit up the hospital NOW, it's going to get real medical, real quick. I'd prefer that didn't happen. As you would imagine, I'd like to keep this as natural as I can with a PROM.

I'd like to hear some opinions/potential scenarios.


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## Avani (Feb 14, 2006)

Your waters could potentially reseal. I would be hyper vigilant of my temperature and babies movements. Also if you see any signs of meconium in the water(looks like split pea soup or darker). Really stay in tune with your body and baby.


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## southernmommie (Jan 7, 2007)

What helped mine reseal was to lay on the couch the whole day or two. Make sure baby is still moving. Mine broke at 31 +5 and I didn't even go in. I made sure that after a couple days of really watching myself and staying up on things, that if it cleared up after the weekend, then I would go in. It slowed the second day and stopped completely by Monday. Good luck.


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

Here's a really nice & current thread about PROM with lots of great recommendations:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...highlight=prom

I'd take it seriously & be proactive and also remember that it's just a shade of normal.


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## htcamommy (Sep 26, 2007)

Time to be instinctive!!!! You & I are only two days apart on our due dates & I could tell you what I would do if it happened to me but that would have all of my personal experiences intertwined with it. If I chose to wait it out I'd try laying down, injesting HUGE quantities of Vitamin C, praying I resealed & being very very cautious!!! IMO which is only MO we have to remember that Dr.s & hospitals do have a time & place. You know when that is. Let me tell you that my bf had her son at 32 weeks & while he did need some help (couldn't nipple or retain body temp) he did EXCELLENT as far as preemies go & he was only in NICU for 3 weeks. So I would like you to know that 32 week preemies ARE NOT 28 week preemies. Is it possible that you could be farther along?


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Keep an eye out for menstrual type cramping, low back pain, intense pressure, or pain going down into your thighs. Preterm labor can be different and more subtle than full term labor. I would ask you midwife to discuss the possibility with you of steroid shots. I know that Spark, for example, wasn't able to get them without being admitted to the hospital, which doesn't sound like an option for you. But your midwife might be able to give them to you or know more about your local hospital policy. I definitely think they make a huge difference in lung maturity if your baby is going to be born early. Hopefully though your bag reseals and that won't be an issue.







Wishing you and your baby the best.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Spark* 
remember that it's just a shade of normal.









thanks for the link, will go read it next!!!
that was the idea, be prepared so that this doesn't have to snowball into something horrible... even if the baby DOES end up earthside sooner than later...
I realize it is a different shade of normal, and I'm REALLY glad that I know this. I'd imagine a hospital would like to deliver my baby sooner than later, and might try to scare me into something so awful... I can do without that... no signs of infection? No, you CAN'T check me, No, you CAN'T induce me, No, I don't want antiboiotics, No, you CANT take my baby out before it's ready.







:
My uterus is a little sore, but I don't see or feel anything that would lead me to believe there has been any cervical change or infection. Certainly there has been no contractions.
I'll keep you all posted... let's hope we can stall for at least 5 more weeks, and keep on the original birth plan here at home... in the mean time: I'm reading up on premies and Kangaroo Care JIC I end up seeing my baby before then.









Yes, I'm sure of my conception date.

Any other opinions or thoughts are greatly encouraged!









I had a dream earlier in the pg. that my baby was born and weighed 4 lbs. I argued with my attendants in the dream that it couldn't be my baby, because it was way too small to be mine.
I had another dream later that I was holding my baby and looking in a mirror. I was telling him that it was amazing that he was so big and healthy to have been a premie. I was/am hoping those dreams weren't true! (well, 'cept the healthy baby part... I'd be happy about that if I have to do this early)


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

My dd was 4 pounds when she was born. She dropped to 3 pounds 7 ounces after a few days. She's now a tiny but fiesty and incredibly bright 3 year old.

I won't tell you that the NICU time was easy or that her birth wasn't scary, but it helped to know right away that she was pink and breathing and more than likely was going to be fine.

As far as induction or trying to deliver the baby sooner rather than later, I actually think that is less likely than you might think. I know a number of women from the preemie forum that have had full ROM and were on hospital bedrest for weeks, even months. Some even had pre-viability ROM and when on to have healthy babies. As long as you're not showing signs of infection, if you're less than 34 weeks they will generally try to do anything they can to stop your labor. However, this does involve more meds and invasive procedures than you might be willing to undergo.

You might want to check in with the preemie forum and ask women to share PPROM stories with you. I actually had PPROM with both of mine, but there was no reason to stop labor with my first, she was 36 weeks, and with my second we had been trying to stop contractions for 4 days, but when my water broke I immediately went into active labor.

Again, I'll send my good thoughts and wishes your way. I hope your baby stays on the inside a little longer!


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## homewithtwinsmama (Jan 5, 2005)

If your hb midwife has lab privileges (mine does) you can also have your white cell count checked periodically to watch for infection. Take temps every 8 hours. No sex or baths. Add garlic, echinacea, goldenseal to immune support. I only went five days ROM, but it could reseal with rest and lots of Vit C and water, but in the meantime watch for infection. Worst case you can go into hospital bedrest where they can do antiobiotics and wait until safer for baby, but for them that means 35 weeks or 34 with steroids which still means a NICU stay. Trust yourself and your instincts.


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## munkeesmama (May 17, 2005)

" realize it is a different shade of normal, and I'm REALLY glad that I know this. I'd imagine a hospital would like to deliver my baby sooner than later, and might try to scare me into something so awful... I can do without that... no signs of infection?"

When i went in at 27 weeks they said they'd keep me pregnant as long as possible, they didn't want to check, they gave me steroids, started me on mag when i had contractions and basically said, even when your water breaks we'll give you antibiotics if you spike a fever and continue monitoring. the goal is to keep you pregnant and i think this early in the game most hospitals would realize that


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

I didn't read what everyone has wrote, but wanted to say that there is a difference between a *leak* and true rupture of the membranes. Check that other thread for more info..


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)




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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

It's what I would call a "leak" because it only comes out with position changes or effort. It FIRST came out in a smallish gush, and comes out in small gushes... I'm using folded up cloth diapers for pads because a regular pad isn't enough for each individual "gush" but it's not leaking constantly, if that makes sense. I would still consider it a "leak"?

Well, I'm off to see the mw... I am not sure why, since I plan on staying home without further sxs...
It's at least comforting to hear they won't try to go ahead and make my baby come out just because I've sprung a leak... I know they induce at the drop of a hat for any reason and none, so I guess I was worried they would want to for this too.
I don't do hospitals... or doctors, so this is kind of a kick in the junk.









Thanks mamas, I'll keep you posted.


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## arcingpath (Oct 27, 2006)

Just wanted to send along my support that you are being level headed and wise about this. I'm wishing you the best.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *homewithtwinsmama* 
Add garlic, echinacea, goldenseal to immune support.

Just wanted to add that Goldenseal can stimulate uterine contractions, so as far as I know, it would be better to avoid it at this time.


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Please keep us up to date!


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## TrishWSU (Oct 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
It's at least comforting to hear they won't try to go ahead and make my baby come out just because I've sprung a leak... I know they induce at the drop of a hat for any reason and none, so I guess I was worried they would want to for this too.
I don't do hospitals... or doctors, so this is kind of a kick in the junk.









Thanks mamas, I'll keep you posted.

In most cases if you are earlier than 37 weeks they will try to stop labor if at all possible. I know a few surros who have had their labors stopped at 34-36 weeks and they were preggo with twins! I hate doctors and hospitals too, but at least most aren't stupid enough to try to intentionally cause a pre-term birth (as in before 37 weeks) without a good reason.

I hope it seals back up for you and you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TrishWSU* 
In most cases if you are earlier than 37 weeks they will try to stop labor if at all possible. I know a few surros who have had their labors stopped at 34-36 weeks and they were preggo with twins! I hate doctors and hospitals too, but at least most aren't stupid enough to try to intentionally cause a pre-term birth (as in before 37 weeks) without a good reason.

I've heard of many babies being induced or c-sectioned way before they were ready to come out ... I think 'golf holiday' is sometimes a good enough reason for a doctor.

****************************************

salt pheonix- You can also try upping your EFA intake (vitamen E... flax seed oil... I'd say evening primrose, but I know that it can sometimes incourage labour) I heard that a high intake of vit. E in preg. can make super strong amniotic sacs.

are you eating your greens too?


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## TrishWSU (Oct 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majazama* 
I've heard of many babies being induced or c-sectioned way before they were ready to come out ... I think 'golf holiday' is sometimes a good enough reason for a doctor.

Yes, they will induce for dumb reasons before the baby is ready, but usually not before 37 weeks when you are considered full term.


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## Kodama (Sep 26, 2007)

I am a mom of 2 preemies. Please know that I am speaking from my heart and from experience. I do not even know how to write this without upsetting you.

For the sake of your unborn child, please get checked and try to realize that the medical people are not all evil. Most do look out for your and your baby's best interests.

It is possible to be on bedrest and still deliver naturally. However, your baby could be born early.

The NICU is tough, but a good NICU will help you with breastfeeding and is not the evil place you may think it is.

I hate doctors and hospitals too. But if it were not for them, my kids would not be alive.

I wish you the best of luck and that things go well for you and your baby. I also hope that you get your wishes. But please remember that the health and safety of your child are way more important than an ideal birth.


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

You've gotten good advice. Just posting to wish you lots of "stay in" vibes! Also, FWIW, I had a leak for 5 or so weeks (details are fuzzy in my head right now) before dd2 was born. She was born at 41 weeks, 5 days, so no preemie worries, but all was fine.


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## southernmommie (Jan 7, 2007)

Any updates?? I hope that everything is fine!

Kodama- she already stated that she is going in a few posts up from yours.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kodama* 
I am a mom of 2 preemies. Please know that I am speaking from my heart and from experience. I do not even know how to write this without upsetting you.

For the sake of your unborn child, please get checked and try to realize that the medical people are not all evil. Most do look out for your and your baby's best interests.

It is possible to be on bedrest and still deliver naturally. However, your baby could be born early.

The NICU is tough, but a good NICU will help you with breastfeeding and is not the evil place you may think it is.

I hate doctors and hospitals too. But if it were not for them, my kids would not be alive.

I wish you the best of luck and that things go well for you and your baby. I also hope that you get your wishes. But please remember that the health and safety of your child are way more important than an ideal birth.

The OP stated in her first post that she was going to the MW to get checked (meaning a test to determine if the leak is indeed amniotic fluid)

any internal exams make the likelyhood of infection skyrocket. I think this woman is concerned about her baby enough to take precautions against getting an infection, and keep the baby inside, where they belong until they are ready to be born after 40 weeks or so.

have you read any of the literature speaking of the difference between a leak and premature rupture of the membranes?


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## imatulip (Nov 18, 2007)

No advice, but hope all is going well.


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## MamaHen (Sep 25, 2006)

Good luck and thoughts your way.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Update:

Well, it's definitely amniotic fluid.









I am currently laying in a hospital bed.
No signs of labor. YAY!
No signs of infection. YAY!
I'm healthy, baby looks great, still some pockets left of fluid, but it's leaking with no stop in sight (everytime I move).
They have given me the steroids.
I am on the JIC antibiotics.
I have refused the catheter urine sample.

I am at a good University Hospital with my PhD CNM sister with me (she's a great AP/NP advocate) who is helping me navigate the necessary and non-necessary crap.

They have been very nice so far, but it looks like I won't be leaving here pregnant.









I sure appreciate all your thoughts and advice mamas... I have had two wonderfully amazing homebirths... and here I am... the LAST place I would have thought I'd be... oh well... bleh....

I will be back to update you all when I know more!


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

No advice either, just letting you know that I'm thinking of you and so is everyone else on the February DDC.















:














:














:


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## SamuraiMom (Nov 7, 2006)

I am so sorry your are lying in a hospital bed after two HB's mama, it's funny how things turn out sometimes. I hope you and baby are doing well and that the staff treat you well while you are there,


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

Julie, I'm so sorry that things turned out like this for you & your babe.







Please, feel free to mourn the loss of what you wanted so that you can go on to focus on what needs to be done.

Even in the hospital, you can still work some of the suggestions in the thread I linked you to. The homeopathics, the tinctures, the Vitamin C, inversion, water, etc. It IS possible for your bags to reseal & refill. Wouldn't it be great if you taught the entire hospital staff that?

Wishing you peace & comfort away from home.


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

Wow mama. I'm so sorry you are stuck in the hospital with PROM. I hope that baby can stay put as long as possible.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

So sorry you are in the hospital. But truly, it is the best place for you to be at this moment (this coming from a hb/ucer that has never been to the hospital).

Hope your baby hangs out there as long as possible and is as healthy as possible when he/she decides to come.

Keep us updated.


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

HUGS!!!! Hope you stay pregnant as long as possible and can check out at 36 weeks! Fellow March/April 08 Mama here!


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

Not in your ddc- saw this on new posts. w/dd, I sprung a leak like you're describing at 31w6d. Was admitted to the hospital. Had 2 rounds of steroids and oral antibiotics, just in case. I had an IV the first weekend, b/c it was a weekend and my regular doc was out of town, but as soon as he got back and it wsa clear I didn't any labor stopping drugs (i had 1 or 2 doses of terbutaline, nothing more serious), that came out. It was mostly like bed rest at home, but at home, I would have been tempted to get up more often.

DD was born at 35 1/2 weeks, perfectly healthy, on her own. We had done an amnio the morning of her birthday to check for lung maturity and were going to induce the next morning (of course, I didn't know what I know now or that wouldn't have been an option), but she had plans of her own. With the leak, I think I had 3 vag checks the whole 3 1/2 weeks I was there, with the last one figuring out i was in fact in labor and 6 cm dilated.

Good luck- rest- keep cooking.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Oh, crap







I'm so sorry, honey. As Spark says, here's hoping that your leak reseals naturally anyhow while you're in there, that some intelligent doctor has enough sense to prescribe you probiotics to go with the abx so you don't get thrush on top of everything else, and that this baby stays in until the perfect time to be born. Which is NOT now, or even particularly soon...
We're here for you if you want to talk about your feelings, you know? I can't imagine what it must be like being in hospital if you're not sick







.


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## Mommyofalmost6 (Sep 12, 2007)

Julie, I am thinking of you and your baby hun. I posted to heather on the sheknows board but since I ran in to you here I thought i would post to you personally. Your a great mama and yoru baby is lucky! I cant imagin how this situation must feel after two homebirths and the extensive converstation we had on the DIM board about homebirths and such. I hope baby bakes for as long as possible. Get rest and good luck navigating the un needed stuff in the hospital. I am so glad to hear you have someone there to help!


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## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

:

hey mama, i saw your post and have been thinking about you. i admire your very level head!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommyofalmost6* 
I cant imagin how this situation must feel after two homebirths and the extensive converstation we had on the DIM board about homebirths and such.

it feels unnatural and certainly nothing beautiful about it... just as i said it would.








yet here I am... and no one had to drag me kicking and screaming, much to dh's surprise. he even asked me when he got here, "what made you decide to come in?".
My answer?
The volume of fluid that has come out +
The intuition that it will be a very quick birth. (I live over 1 hour from civilization, where I am mostly alone all day) +
My desire to get the steroids to the baby. (i can't do that at home)+
Knowing that I'll never actually get full bed rest at home.

Fortunately, I'm not in labor as of yet and I can't help but wish I'm going to be in that 'lil 'ole 6% that won't? ha... a girl can hope, can't she?








I had a long discussion with my mw... after all this, the rupture, the abx, the steroids... if I manage to stay pregnant for 4 more weeks? I really AM checking out and going home.








No, I'm not banking on it.







:
I WAS happy to hear they would not be inducing me unless there is infection present... which means I'm still closer to delivering naturally than I could be.
'cept here I am sitting in a cesspool of germs... aka: a hospital. bleh.

I feel fine. but can't sleep. not my bed, attached to abx tubes and external monitor, both of which can come off in the am, as long as all is the same.
I DID bring my own yogurt.









you mamas rock... thanks for letting me muck up the UC thread with my crappy medical situation.







:


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Just wanted to give you a









I'm glad to hear they aren't pushing induction and your babe now has the benefit of the steroids. Is there any way you can get your dh to sneak in some probiotic capsules and some Vit. C? If you're on heavy duty abx yogurt alone might not be enough to keep thrush at bay (unless its the awesome homemade kind).

Take care and keep us posted, you'll be in my thoughts.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

OH man, Salt Phoenix, what a wild ride. It's wonderful you've got your sister there with you through it all...

We're all pulling for you, with healthy baby, momma and healthy and optimal birth vibes!!!







:







:







:


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## lovetobemama (May 16, 2007)

Just wanted to send healthy baby vibes your way! Ans healthy mental state vibes to you, as well! I was on a bit of bed rest with DS, and though I was happy to do it to buy every day i could, it was still hard. hang in there!!! By this summer, you and your healthy, chubby little infant will barely even think about this crazy winter speedbump!!!


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
I DID bring my own yogurt.









That's wise! The thing is, yes, you're there, but you can still claim this as your pregnancy. You can still treat PROM the way you would have at home if you want. In my heart, just from my own experience (PROM followed by PTL at 31 weeks, that was stopped, resealed, refilled & then went onto birth at 41.5 weeks all from homecare) I'm ambivalent about how hospitals routinely treat PROM. Some of it is just so counterintuitive. But, you don't have to follow everything if you don't want to.

Just some suggestions for treating yourself, take them or leave them:
- Inversion. Get your feet propped up higher than your head/butt. It just has to be slight, like a few inches. If your bed can't do that, mechanically lay your bed flat, then see if a friend will put a few big books under the bed near your feet. Try to sleep like that at night & as much during the day.
- Probiotics. I know you're taking yogurt, which is SO good, but with all those ABX, you'll need even more. Unless you're eating 2 giant family sized tubs of yogurt a day. You'll take 1 tablet/capsule every 2-3 hours.
- If you can have someone go to the health food store and pick up Wild Yam Root, False Unicorn & Red Raspberry Leaf tinctures. You will take one dropper full of each (in a small amt of water or in hot water if you like that taste) every 6 hours for an entire week.
- While at the health food store, grab Ruta & Arnica homeopathics. Preferably 300C, but go with what they have. You'll take 3 pellets each every 4 hours.
- Vitamin C, lots of it every 4 hours. This is to help infection. While you are on ABX, sometimes there's nothing like extra C to help strengthen your own immune system instead of relying on only ABX.
- Drink water with lemon
- Have raw nuts brought in for you to snack on. Raw (not roasted) have a lot of healing properties to encourage resealing of the membranes.
- Avoid Soy.

You do not have to get permission to do these. This is your baby & your heath.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
'lil 'ole 6%

That's B/S in my mind. The MW I used when my water gushed to the floor over the years has helped 30+ women with broken membranes. NONE of them delivered before 37 weeks. And, she is NOT alone. Clearly, there's something wrong with the protocol that hospitals follow... not with PROM. Just another reason to strongly encourage you to treat yourself. There's nothing listed above that would interfere with the steroids your on or the ABX. You don't need the Dr's permission to treat as you would at home, it's your body and your baby's health that's at risk. You can beat that 6% stat! I believe in you & your body!









I know how rough it is to be in the hospital when you really want to be home (hospitalized for HG in the 1st trimester my last pregnancy).







Can you contact someone who likes hospitals to ask them how to make it more livable? Maybe a cooler with your own food, an ipod, ear plugs, etc.

Sending you hugs, love & support to treat yourself following a better than 6% method.


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

Wow, best wishes for you to reseal and your baby to stay in for more weeks!!!! And lots of healing wishes to you!


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## wombjuice (Feb 22, 2007)

Big







to you, Julie! For what it's worth, I think you made a very good decision to go in...especially if you know you wouldn't be able to stay on complete bed rest while at home. I have that problem, too...there's always something to do, always need to be moving. At least at the hospital, you're practically tied down! That sounds bad, but for the squirmer-fidgeter-must do something NOW'ers like us, it's pretty much necessary!









Still, I know you don't want to be there, and I know you want to birth at home. You and baby will be in my prayers. I hope so much that your bag will reseal, you won't go into labor any time soon, and they let you go home at 36 weeks!









Good luck, Mama...and more







to you!


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## htcamommy (Sep 26, 2007)

I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a fantastic job of following your instincts!!!! Keep it up! By the way one way to help with the yucky infection issues is to bring your own sheet sets from home. You only need three & you can probably get someone on the phone to let you borrow them if you don't happen to have twin sheet sets. Remember the same person who puts on the new sheets takes off the old sheets in each room. YUCK!!! I have been on "bed rest" at home & your absolutly right (expecially if you have a toddler like I do) its almost next to impossible to stay in bed. Oh yeah & make sure someone at least sneaks you ibn some SUBWAY! There is no way you can sustain yourself on that hospital crap there feeding you!


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## MamaJ2005 (Dec 2, 2006)

I'm sending good vibes and prayers that your bags seal back up!!! I hope you're home in no time. Hang in there, Mama!


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

I'm very sorry that you ended up in the hospital. I don't have any advice as I think you've gotten some great, seasoned advice already! But as a fellow March mama I'm thinking about you and hope that your hospital experience goes as well as could be hoped. Lots of







s and I think you're handling the whole thing just beautifully.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

so far, so good... 9am here and in spite of only 2 hrs. sleep, i'm fed, i'm fairly refreshed, and I AM NOT IN LABOR!!!!

i'm loving the little "extra" ideas for staying clean...

I had to request a peri bottle: they never even offered that little tidbit.
I have pro-biotics ordered. The ob on call last night actually tried to tell me she has never seen a woman get a yeast infection from this? right. "but i can just give you something to treat the YEAST!" wowzers....







:

I will say this much. I am very grateful to know even the little bit that I DO know... knowledge is power.


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## NurseMommy (Feb 4, 2007)

I'm glad you went in. PROM is nothing to be cavalier about. Keep us posted!


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## irangel (Aug 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 

I will say this much. I am very grateful to know even the little bit that I DO know... knowledge is power.









Knowledge is definitely power. You will run into a whole slew of idiots and question how they ever got their license but I always found one or two nurses who were extremely kind and willing to go above and beyond to accommodate my requests even if they didn't make sense to them. I wish you luck!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

you have such a great attitude! wishing you all the best!!!


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
so far, so good... 9am here and in spite of only 2 hrs. sleep, i'm fed, i'm fairly refreshed, and I AM NOT IN LABOR!!!!

That is SO awesome!!!! I hope you can get some more sleep!

Oh, goodness, you're just doing SO well! You can beat that dumb statistic!









I didn't say this before, but just so you know, great work following your instincts. There is some reason you were drawn to the hospital. It might even be to teach them something!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

I've had a lot of curious student residents asking me all about homebirth...lol... they've been respectful and kind and curious.

One female resident's BIGGEST reason to not deliver at home?

"the mess"









I got my "big ultrasound"... the baby looked like it had all it's parts...gut all on the inside... looks great.
I got a guesstimated weight of 3lb.12oz. although we all know what that's worth. lol.
I declined even the trans LABIAL for cervical length check... i didn't see how satisfying the docs curiosity was worth even THAT closeness to my open parts... it just wouldn't change anything to know that. they won't start or stop labor and knowing cervical change/status really makes no dif. at this point.
Of course the thought of sitting on a wheelchair grosses me out too...lol.
I know they don't disinfect them between bottoms...


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## yvonnemlv (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:

I declined even the trans LABIAL for cervical length check
That just sounds wrong...







what happens for a trans labial? do I want to know?


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## irangel (Aug 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
I've had a lot of curious student residents asking me all about homebirth...lol... they've been respectful and kind and curious.

One female resident's BIGGEST reason to not deliver at home?

"the mess"










What a great opportunity you have to educate them! I remember the residents asking me how exactly I was bfing my 11mos old when I was still pregnant and none of them knew that you could do that. Then I got to give them all sorts of information on tandem nursing too. I hope I opened some minds up.


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
I got a guesstimated weight of 3lb.12oz. although we all know what that's worth. lol.

Actually, it depends on the skill of the technician and the equipment used. Sometimes with high-risk situations, they have the more skilled people performing the ultrasound. They estimated my daughter's weight during a biophysical profile on the day she ended up being born. They said 4 pounds, but it could be off by as much as 12 oz. either direction. She was 4 pounds 1 ounce at birth.


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

They were surprised at the fact I DIDN'T get a yeast infection while there for all that time (3 1/2 weeks).

All things considered, I had a relatively natural birth- fast, easy. Ended up w/episiotomy, but didn't know enough then to refuse.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

the trans vaginal, although not with the insertable, still presses the u/s wand against the OUTSIDE of the vagina... still too close to home for me, under the circumstances.









i hope they are reasonably close when they say almost 4lbs... that's not too shabby for a preemie.









fluid is still clean, clear and sweet









Oh and... it's a GIRL!
3 girls... one every 10 years.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

OH YEAH! I talked with the NICU and got the 411 there... they will "let me" in there 24/7 to help take care of my baby and they are on board with Kangaroo Care and seem really helpful and supportive.








The temperature here in the hospital is warmer than I had originally anticipated.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

You rock that hospital experience!


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
Oh and... it's a GIRL!
3 girls... one every 10 years.









YAY!!!! Now that's some GOOD news for a change, and (no offense to boys or the entire concept of boys) it feels so right to me that she should be.

For some reason, it erodes my hope that my own will be a girl, but maybe that hope should be eroded to help me appreciate the uniqueness of what may very well be my only daughter; she and I have been drifting too far apart lately.

You totally rock, Julie. This little lady is going to have the best hospital/NICU experience ever thanks to her mama being so on the ball and in touch with her instincts.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

THANKS NOS!!! I'm hoping you get your girl too! (but I'm a firm believer in getting handed JUST the lessons you need, JUST when you need them... even if it's not what we _*thought*_ we wanted) And to have a VARIETY of them (my two are so far polar opposites-can't wait to see what combo I get this time) is a treasure. They have been like facets of my own being. I firmly believe they have really expanded the roles, beliefs and ideas about my own journey through womanhood. It has, IMO, made me a more "complete" or "diverse" or "well-rounded"? woman. And a little side benefit? IMO too, dh could use some experience learning more about the female species. This baby girl is a natural teacher already... as we are seeing.









My updates:
There's a really nice down to earth, Indonesian RN that has been attending me this am. She informs me that when she sees PROM here in the hospital, what she also sees is about a 20% infection rate... I'd love to see that same tally from PROM women who decide to forgo the hospital and stay home without abx... That's a number I'd like to compare. I "say" that 20% isn't "too bad"







but I have a feeling it's not quite that high at home... just a guess.









One of the resident/students came in this am and tried to talk me into the translabial u/s again, stating this time, "we can't clear your placenta without one" Meaning: they want to make me nervous about a previa so that I will submit to one.







:
Me: "well, since I have had no bleeding during the entire pregnancy, and i am not in labor and we SAW the location of the placenta on the u/s yesterday as pretty high... I'm going to have to go with a....
SO not likely to be true that I'm not willing to accept the risk to introducing any germs near my openings for you students' class on placenta location & u/s 101. Hey, I'm all for education, but nope, not ME, not this time.
Student: "well, how about in a week?"
Me:







"I'll re-visit that in a week. This is a moment by moment period for us."

And after the greasy, sausagy, reconstituted eggy breakfast without a sign of a fruit, breakfast I had this morning... I've ordered a high protein, to include dairy & fish vegetarian menu ONLY.







Although this hospital has a nutrition department, complete with 24/7 order off the menu choices, if you want something decent brought with "regular mealtime" you have to specify that you don't want the hardly palatable status quo mush.








I think the cheese and fruit plate is my new best friend.







:

I've been able to deny the prenatal with the iron in it in exchange for childrens chewables/no iron.
They are good about bringing me the pro-biotics. The massive amounts of abx ARE starting to make my stomach feel a little... "off".







Hopefully with my acidopholis tabs from home and the kefir dh is bringing me, I'll be able to stave off much more of that.









So far so good!

THANKS TO YOU ALL!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

you are awesome and keep it up!!!


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## GentleBirth (Feb 6, 2006)

You sound like you've been doing a wonderful job of keeping away from all of the unwanted "routine" stuff. I'm so glad your so wonderfully informed! You and your little one are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

Hope all is well!


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## Aurora (May 1, 2002)

Thinking of you and your little one..........


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Moving this to the main B&B board. Please know that we're all cheering you on


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## guestmama9972 (Jun 5, 2003)

Wow! You are a strong woman and I am so proud of you for being proactive in your care!

I am sending good wishes your way that the membranes will reseal and that your sweet baby will stay in until she's ready. Thanks for all the updates!


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## AmyLaz (Aug 30, 2006)

Go Mama Go!!! You are an Inspiration!!!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Thinking of you.


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## CallMeMommy (Jun 15, 2005)

Wow, I was you 3 1/2 years ago! Water broke at 31 weeks, in hospital on bedrest, only my little guy insisted on coming out that night. Darn kids.







I'm so subscribing to this thread because I'm totally pulling for you and I love how you're not caving to the hospital BS! Rock on Mama!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Well, 110 hours and holding tight!!!
My cervix is shut tight as a drum, baby looks good, everything is going A-OK!








Now if we can keep this up for another few weeks!


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

So are you still leaking? or is it sealing back up?


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## CallMeMommy (Jun 15, 2005)

Are they letting you up to pee, or is the bedpan your new best friend?







I remember after they transferred me from our local hospital to Mayo I walked from the gurney to my bed and everyone FREAKED. Apparently I wasn't supposed to be upright. Well, helps if you tell me that, people! So I wasn't even allowed to walk to the bathroom, I had to use the bedpan, and they only let me go to the bathroom for a BM because I absolutely refused to poop in the bedpan.


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

Yay! I haven't posted yet, but I've been following this thread. I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I hope you stay in the hospital for a very long time


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LConrad* 
So are you still leaking? or is it sealing back up?

I haven't had hardly any leaking in the last 24 hrs. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's sealing back up, just yet. There are "decent" pockets in there still with amniotic fluid, and of course it's always replenishing, so I guess if I don't leak so much in the next day or so, I might start thinking we have some sealing action. There was just SO MUCH fluid the first couple of days! My belly was actually a lot smaller. It feels full and bloated now, so I'll take that as a good sign.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *CallMeMommy* 
Are they letting you up to pee, or is the bedpan your new best friend?

Oh I feel quite lucky on this one. I get to pee, poo, shower and sit up for a bit every few hours. This really could be WAY worse.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *danotoyou2* 
I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I hope you stay in the hospital for a very long time









I can't believe I'm saying this either, but I HOPE THE SAME THING!!!!

The pro-biotics are my best friend, keeping the antibiotics on task and not on more gruesome tasks.









I consented to the translabial u/s today, since there has been no sign of infection and it IS pretty non-evasive. (especially after inspected the packaging of sterile gloves, cover and all equipment. AFTER i watched them wash their hands... IN the room







)
I knew there was NO PLACENTA PREVIA going down, and there was no reason to even suspect it, if I have to end up delivering here in the hospital, the last thing I want to do is go into labor in the middle of the night and have them insisting we are all gonna die because they don't know where my placenta REALLY is. I don't want a section because of something so unlikely... or stupid. So this one got put into the benefits outweigh the risks catagory... this time. It really is where I said it was: posterior and high. Not that they didn't already know that though.








And my cervix? Tight as a drum!


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

Thanks for the update! I'm glad you get to move around a bit and that so far, things are looking good. Healing & baby-stay-put vibes!







:


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

I was trying to find your thread! Glad I found you!









SO wonderful how well you're doing! That's WONDERFUL!









Way to lay & gestate!


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

are you staying in the hospy till baby is born? or are you going home after the bag reseals?


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majazama* 
are you staying in the hospy till baby is born? or are you going home after the bag reseals?

I will stay here until:
I go into labor
or
I develop an infection and HAVE to deliver before 35 weeks.
or
My baby is "old enough" to not need NICU.
Now, knowing closer the babys size and health, and with no other problems present here, my midwife and I are both comfortable with 35.5ish weeks at this point.

I'm hoping, but not counting on being able to go home to deliver this little sweetie!

Now to hear the docs here tell it, if I make it to 34 weeks, they think they are going to induce me and put my baby in NICU....








Right.








If she makes it THAT far, the LAST thing I'm going to do is force her out and into the NICU for even a day!
I'm taking this one day at a time, I'm not going to argue with them about what will happen in 2 weeks.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
Now to hear the docs here tell it, if I make it to 34 weeks, they think they are going to induce me and put my baby in NICU....

Right, and I thought Drs were supose to be so smart and well educated and do no harm.

I can not possiblly see the reasoning for INDUCING a preterm baby, that has shown no signs of distress, mom is doing fine, just to put baby in the NICU. Other than they want to do their "doctor" thing to the baby and they can't when the baby is not out.

And my Mom wonders why I don't trust doctors.

I am glad you are doing well, though. And pray that you will hold off and will be able to have that home birth after all.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kidzaplenty* 
Right, and I thought Drs were supose to be so smart and well educated and do no harm.

I can not possiblly see the reasoning for INDUCING a preterm baby, that has shown no signs of distress, mom is doing fine, just to put baby in the NICU. Other than they want to do their "doctor" thing to the baby and they can't when the baby is not out.

Isn't it all about their LIABILITIES?? so that people don't sue... someone should sue them for a unnecessary c-sec for a change !!!!


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## munkeesmama (May 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lousli* 
Actually, it depends on the skill of the technician and the equipment used. Sometimes with high-risk situations, they have the more skilled people performing the ultrasound. They estimated my daughter's weight during a biophysical profile on the day she ended up being born. They said 4 pounds, but it could be off by as much as 12 oz. either direction. She was 4 pounds 1 ounce at birth.

When I had PROM they did an ultrasound as well, they estimated at 2lbs. 4 oz. I delivere later that day and she was 2lbs. 2oz.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

wow, almost 3,000 views. who's watching?


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## rainymorning (Jan 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 

Now to hear the docs here tell it, if I make it to 34 weeks, they think they are going to induce me and put my baby in NICU....










what`s their reasoning, as this sounds completely crazy









don`t let them get to you! you are doing great!


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kidzaplenty* 
Right, and I thought Drs were supose to be so smart and well educated and do no harm.

I can not possiblly see the reasoning for INDUCING a preterm baby, that has shown no signs of distress, mom is doing fine, just to put baby in the NICU. Other than they want to do their "doctor" thing to the baby and they can't when the baby is not out.

And my Mom wonders why I don't trust doctors.

I am glad you are doing well, though. And pray that you will hold off and will be able to have that home birth after all.

The reason they induce in that situation at 34 weeks is that the risk of cord compression and/or infection is higher than the risk of the baby being born with any significant problems, especially if there are steroid shots given to mature the baby's lungs. It is about liability and about what they feel the biggest risks are at that point to the baby's health. They do get sued when things go wrong and people are looking for someone to blame. So in this instance, if they didn't induce and a cord accident or infection occurred, a patient could sue their butt off, because it is standard practice to induce at 34 weeks with PROM.

It isn't neccesarily something I agree with, but it isn't just so they can do things to the baby once it is born. The OB wouldn't be the person to do anything to the baby anyway, that would be the neonatologist.


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majazama* 
wow, almost 3,000 views. who's watching?









Doctors taking note.







:








Ahhh, probably not. But, I hope that readers as well as viewers offer positive thought & support to salt phoenix and her little babe.









We surround you with healing & compassion, salt.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lousli* 
The reason they induce in that situation at 34 weeks is that the risk of cord compression and/or infection is higher than the risk of the baby being born with any significant problems, especially if there are steroid shots given to mature the baby's lungs. It is about liability and about what they feel the biggest risks are at that point to the baby's health. They do get sued when things go wrong and people are looking for someone to blame. So in this instance, if they didn't induce and a cord accident or infection occurred, a patient could sue their butt off, because it is standard practice to induce at 34 weeks with PROM.

It isn't neccesarily something I agree with, but it isn't just so they can do things to the baby once it is born. The OB wouldn't be the person to do anything to the baby anyway, that would be the neonatologist.

cord compression? how? as its born or in the womb?


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Yes, I think the docs get sued over the procedures they DONT DO, not the ones they do.

I just feel like my baby knew I needed to STOP and REST. She did what she could do to from where she is to make that happen... She feels happy, healthy and cozy and patient. I hope she wants to go home to be born, but I'm leaving it up to her and my body... not the doctors, for sure!!!

I had 7.5cm of amniotic fluid as of yesterday (anything over 5cm and I'm thrilled). Her head is still down, and I am losing very little fluid still. I really feel good about where I am today, and that is all I ask.









I hate the Fetal Non-stress tests that I am getting daily, not so much that they are all that evasive, but what a pain to put me and her under that kind of pressure to "preform for the machine". She feels great, I feel fine, and that is good enough for me. lol. Today when I get one, I'm taking the ipod... I'm going to listen to EVERYTHING but the machine.









The nursing and aide staff have been awesome. It really does blow me away at the differences in care though. Some people were MADE for this kind of work, others should really be in some other kind of work.









I got my IV line out today, and that made me happy. Makes me feel like less of a "emergency waiting to happen" now I feel like I am "just resting" and waiting.









Thanks to ALL you mamas for ALL your words, thoughts, experiences and ideas. I wasn't a huge poster before this, and here I am giving you all a play by play...







This has really made this much easier on us though, and I am grateful to have found this site when I did. I read Mothering for years and years (my oldest is 19) and have been kind of out of touch for many years from the broader crunchy online community... I'm glad I found you all this time.









I had the opportunity to order some adorable little preemie outfits the last few days, in anticipation of a tiny baby... I have boxes and boxes of little girl clothes up to 2yrs. old, from BOTH my girls and even some of my OWN BABY CLOTHES that my mom was too sentimental to get rid of OVER 40 years ago! But I have NOTHING that will fit a baby under 8 lbs.








This little teacher baby is special indeed... she will wear not only her OWN special things I've ordered for her little self, but over 40 years of love and history will be wrapped around her tiny little body!


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## liberal_chick (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majazama* 
cord compression? how? as its born or in the womb?

In the womb.


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

I'm glad things are going so well for you. I really hope you don't ever need those preemie outfits, in all honesty.

While a preemie from 32-36 weeks is likely to do really well long term, the NICU is a really tough thing to go through, even if it is just a short period of time.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majazama* 
wow, almost 3,000 views. who's watching?









Well, I think it counts each time it's viewed. So, it's not 3,000 people viewing, kwim?

OP, I'm really glad to read that things are going well and I'm *very* impressed with the way you're handling everything. I just wanted to tell you that I had issues with preterm labor with all my babies and had to do bedrest. I too felt comfortable staying at home once I was safely past 35 weeks (although I layed down longer than that to be careful) and I was still able to have happy, healthy homebirths between 36.5 - 37.5 weeks.









Feel free to PM if you'd like some support/comisseration from a fellow (ex) bed rester. Hang in there!


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## AmyLaz (Aug 30, 2006)

My water broke at 34 weeks, and I didn't realize it - walked around for 5 days before going to the doctor (just thought I was losing bladder control). I was dilated to 4 cm (later discovered I had incompetent cervix). They did induce me out of fear of infection. So, my dd was born at 34 1/2 weeks weighing 7 pounds even. No lung issues - never on a respirator. She was in the NICU for observation b/c she was a preemie and treatment for jaundice (our only complication), but she was also in my room quite a bit. She went home with us after two days. Just wanted to share that in case you are induced at 34 weeks. Even if your DD has to go to the NICU for a few days, that doesn't necessarily mean you can't take her home with you!







: for you and your babe, Mama!


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## irangel (Aug 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majazama* 
cord compression? how? as its born or in the womb?

In the womb. It happened to me with my dd2 at 24w6d after I pPROMed at 24w3d. It's not likely to happen if you have a bit of fluid left but if the fluid gets low enough it can happen quite easily and then you have to get that baby out of there STAT.


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## justmeandfamily (Dec 15, 2007)

Just thinking about you Julie! I hope all is well and not too boring!








You are such a strong momma!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

Thanks to ALL you mamas for ALL your words, thoughts, experiences and ideas. I wasn't a huge poster before this, and here I am giving you all a play by play... This has really made this much easier on us though, and I am grateful to have found this site when I did. I read Mothering for years and years (my oldest is 19) and have been kind of out of touch for many years from the broader crunchy online community... I'm glad I found you all this time.
We're happy you're here, too







: We're all cheering for you and your little one (stay in, stay in







)


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

My (at least) once daily check in!!!









Still hanging in there!!! The docs look puzzled that I "am fine" and have absolutely no complaints. Surely they have seen this?









I feel great, eating soooo well, TONZ of protein and fruit & veggies, resting myself beyond belief and sucking down the liquids (water, RRLT, juice, milk) and pro-biotics and vitamin c.
I'm still not sleeping so well, but that hasn't changed much from pre-hospitalization, i get up so much to pee...lol. I'm just glad I have time during the day to nap.
Still getting vitals every 4 hrs.
The NST today was good.

I find myself getting a little antsy for movement... I keep finding myself wanting to DANCE of all things!!! The silly little stretches that I have been shown that I can do while lying in bed, leave much to be desired, so I put on my ipod, and close my eyes and visualize myself dancing... if not in reality, then spirit.







It's better than nothing. lol.

Took a tour of the NICU last night. I have complete faith in the care my baby will get if she ends up there, but it's still hard to see all those tiny babies without their mamas... I wanted to pick them all up and just hold them close, ya know? So tiny, but what hard working little ones! Precious, each one. Hopefully if we do end up with her there, it will be a short stay... I don't think she wants to sit over there any more than I want her to, given that she has made no efforts to come out, thankfully, but I'm glad I have them available to us... JUST IN CASE!


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## munkeesmama (May 17, 2005)

Glad to hear all is well and to know that you're in safe hands if baby does come early. I know it's hard to see tiny babies in the nicu especially without mamas holding them, but remember ALOT of those baby's are still so immature that it's too stimulating to be held yet. I know that was the hardest for me with having a nicu baby. Knowing that unless I could devote 2 or more hours at a time of laying down doing kangaroo care that it really was better to just leave her in her bed. It's heartbreaking and hopefully you won't have to go that route. Take care and keep us posted. LOL at dancing. Keep on visualizing mama!


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## munkeesmama (May 17, 2005)

Oh, I have sopme magazines I could send to you as well if you want to PM me your home addy (have hubby bring them) or the hospiotal addy. I know i got rather board on bedrest!


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## justmeandfamily (Dec 15, 2007)

Hoping everything is ok!


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## Mommyofalmost6 (Sep 12, 2007)

Thinking of you and your little girl hun!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Still hanging in there!

My belly feels so much bigger today, it's like all this food is going straight to leh bebeh









Let's hope!

Coloring, tv watching, music listening, internet surfing, napping... EATING







:
That's pretty much my day... exciting huh? hahaha

dh went home tonight (we live over 1 hr. away) to feed the kitties and hopefully receive some packages of preemie clothes we ordered this week. I can't WAIT to see them... I really hope I get to SEND THEM BACK!!!








He will return tomorrow with my 10 yr. old. The plan is, she's bringing some craft kits she got for the holidays to hang out with me and do them. I'm looking forward to that time with her. We homeschool, so we hang out together every single day, all day... I've missed her company through this, to be sure.

I had some crazy dreams today while I napped. They were filled with vivid imagery of birthing. No fear, very intense, a tiny beautiful baby... I also dreamt we added a sunroom to our tiny house... that's one I'd love to see come true.









I'm missing fresh air. I'd love to go outside for a walk.

All in all... another day down, baby gains another ounce.


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Julie,

thanks for the update! how many weeks are you now? do you think the leak is sealing?

hang in there! you are doing wonderfully!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 









Still hanging in there!

My belly feels so much bigger today, it's like all this food is going straight to leh bebeh









Let's hope!

Coloring, tv watching, music listening, internet surfing, napping... EATING







:
That's pretty much my day... exciting huh? hahaha

dh went home tonight (we live over 1 hr. away) to feed the kitties and hopefully receive some packages of preemie clothes we ordered this week. I can't WAIT to see them... I really hope I get to SEND THEM BACK!!!








He will return tomorrow with my 10 yr. old. The plan is, she's bringing some craft kits she got for the holidays to hang out with me and do them. I'm looking forward to that time with her. We homeschool, so we hang out together every single day, all day... I've missed her company through this, to be sure.

I had some crazy dreams today while I napped. They were filled with vivid imagery of birthing. No fear, very intense, a tiny beautiful baby... I also dreamt we added a sunroom to our tiny house... that's one I'd love to see come true.









I'm missing fresh air. I'd love to go outside for a walk.

All in all... another day down, baby gains another ounce.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moodymaximus* 
Julie,

thanks for the update! how many weeks are you now? do you think the leak is sealing?

hang in there! you are doing wonderfully!

I was 32 weeks yesterday









There is no sealing up going on... I had hoped for that, but when it went, it REALLY went, it seems...
I leak each day. Clear fluid. I continue to drink, drink, drink the water, juice & RRL tea! As much as she makes, I imagine, just comes back out... I feel like a sieve.








They checked the fluid around her, seems she's still in the "safe zone" we are still making enough to keep her cushioned. Even though I am still leaking, she's getting fresh daily showers.


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Hope you're still her tomorrow and baby's still baking! I've been thinking about you and hoping for the best, and hoping you can come home and still have a home birth.


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## justmeandfamily (Dec 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
:
All in all... another day down, baby gains another ounce.









You have a great attitude! Keep up the good work! Glad to hear that there is nothing to report


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## BirthIsAwesome (Nov 14, 2007)

Hi all! I've been lurking since the thread started but haven't posted yet. Salt_Pheonix---WAY TO GO for standing up for your rights and doing what is right for you and your baby! You're an awesome mamma! I am praying for y'all---baby hang tight!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Nothing to report!









Dh brought me some cute and amazingly soft PINK BAMBOO crochet yarn... She's about to get her a new little cap.


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

No news is good news, great to hear!


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

Yay, you get to crochet!







This bed rest may be the only chance you'll get to do any hand made things!

Glad to hear all is well.


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## laralee16 (Nov 12, 2005)

:


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## calpurnia (Sep 26, 2004)

Keep letting us know how you & your little girl are doing!


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Keeping you & your lo in my t's & p's. Keep baking baby!!!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

All is well.









I had some very odd dreams the last two days. The first was of me trying to rescue a tiny little bird from drowning. I had to navigate some pretty deep water to save this little bird from death. I remember scooping up the little thing and it was just so wet and small.

The next dream was similar to what I've been going through the last few months. I was begging dh to be "more helpful" to me, both emotionally and in a physical way, I was begging him to either HELP ME or go AWAY and I was crying and crying, because he would do neither. I kept bumping into his things that were piled up everywhere, and everything was messed up here. I was having to re-arrange and move furniture (again) without his help and he was just making messes and I was trying to keep it cleaned up before the baby came. He didn't care and wouldn't listen to my urgency. It's like he was frozen. Not malicious, just unable and unwilling to do ANYTHING. I was here in the hospital and I was trying to get him out of my room, because he was upsetting me so and my belly was hurting and I knew if I didn't do SOMETHING, I'd go into labor, and I didn't want to go into labor, because it still wasn't time. I was so angry that he didn't care about me and the baby. I was so angry that he didn't even care enough to go away. DH spent the night here with me last night on the cot, and he's the one that woke up and came over to me and took my hand and woke me up. I was drenched in tears and I couldn't stop crying, it was so real, since it was actually taking place in the hospital, like in real time. It took a minute for me to realize that the two things were separate. That I was safe in the hospital, and I didn't REALLY have to clean up his messes and bump into his things, nor prepare meals, nor was he as indifferent as he appeared to be in his dream. The thing that made me realize I was dreaming and not just continuing reality? The beds were facing the opposite direction in my dream.








Anyway, it was very disturbing, as we've been having a lot of issues the past while, and I believe in a way, my water breaking was a way to get me out of the fray, and get the rest and relaxation and nutrition and tlc I REALLY need right now, he's just not physically, mentally or emotionally ready or able to offer me right now. It was a way to protect us BOTH. Weird to think of something like PROM as a gift... but really, it is.








He's been amazing since I've been here in the hospital, bringing me every single thing I've requested from home and running my 10 yr. old all over town to relatives... I think he has honestly done the best he can under the conditions. He's under a lot of stress and pressure right now too, including a nasty case of depression he's not sure how to handle. All I can do is hope he finds what he needs to get him feeling "normal" again. I'm just a little pre-occupied to be of much assitance to him either, iykwim.
We had a long talk after the horrible dream. I felt better to unload my hopes, fears, worries and disappointments, and expressed my concern for his depression. I know that I can't "fix" it for him. I just let him know that I wouldn't/couldn't let myself feel neglected or mistreated because of an illness he's unwilling to treat. I'd support him as long as he was working on it, but beyond that, I've got a little baby to pour my energy into. He is a grown man. I hope he does something about it. I sure love him and hate to see him miserable all his days.








ANYWAY... thought I'd share my dreams as of late... they somehow figure into this whole equation, imo.

Thanks mamas for giving me a place to ramble!


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

I find that painful, difficult dreams can actually be very helpful and healing, if you can work with them. Sounds like you're doing just that.

Hoping your LO stays snug inside for weeks yet! I'm almost 32 wks and pulling for you both!


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

I'm glad that you are getting what you need right now. it sounds like an almost optimal situation for you.









I really hope that you can work things out with your SO. But if he is like he was in that dream, I would try to go on with my own life. I can relate. It sure SUCKS to feel unheard and ignored!!!!

((to the baby girl... Stay in there till mommy's ready, ok?))


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

keep taking good care of yourself and your little one! partners' depression is difficult to deal with. you are on the right track!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majazama* 
I would try to go on with my own life.

I have hopes that he will get the help he needs, however that's the idea!!!









Nothing to report special! Another boring day!









Curiosities of hospital bed rest:

Things I'm starting to miss-
Cooking. (yep, i LOVE to cook)
Being outdoors.
My kitty.








Incense







(dh DID bring me a smelly candle







)
The sound of birds/wind/weather.
The FEEL of wind & weather (I will remedy this soon with a quick wheelchair trip outside)

Things I worry about:
My fish.
My plants.
My kitty.
My car (it's parked someplace weird because of the quick entry to hospital)

I feel quite confident in the care of DD#2 though, AND she does get to come up here whenever someone can bring her.

I'm starting to make lists of what I will need to have done before I go home, that I thought I'd have TWO MONTHS left to do...
deep clean bathroom
sheets changed on bed
stock fridge
take down holiday tree








get a diaper pail

I'm really glad that I got all my baby clothes and cloth diapers sorted, washed, dried and put away...

It's hard to run a household from a hospital bed, but you can see I am occupying my time by thinking about it!!!!









OOH! they brought me a NEWSPAPER!!! I think I'll read it!









thanks everybody!


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## MamaJenese (Aug 14, 2006)

Just wanted you to know there is yet another Mama here thinking about you and that baby. Keep up the amazing work Mama and stay put little one!


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

It's so cool that you are dealing with this so well. I got out of my mind just thinking about what I would do if I was int he hospital for 2 days LOL!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DBZ* 
It's so cool that you are dealing with this so well. I got out of my mind just thinking about what I would do if I was int he hospital for 2 days LOL!

lol... some of my family are surprised i'm handling this so well too! Perhaps attitude is everything? Making friends with the art of surrender and understanding the lack of "certain" kinds of control is perhaps a good thing?









I just hope I'm not fooling myself and end up coming unglued all at once!








I just want to stay in a good mind frame and mellow, so that baby girl stays as long as possible... THAT is my ONE AND ONLY goal right now, not how bored I am or how big of a mess my house is in! Ultimately and in the scheme of things, they just don't matter.


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## Intertwined (Jun 29, 2005)

Just catching this thread.

You rock. You really do! It's something to be a home birther and walk into a hospital under your own steam because you know you need the help they have to offer. I hope to not find out, but if I do I hope to handle it just like you.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chantelhayes* 
I hope to not find out, but if I do I hope to handle it just like you.

















Thanks









I think many are starting to realize that homebirthers aren't just crazy nutbags. The staff seems to genuinely be interested in not only my natural birthing ways, but everything about my crunchy life. I've had compliments on the smell of my room, my decor I've had dh bring from home, and the "feel" I've created in my little space. I've had questions about the birth plan hanging on my wall, the pagan statues on my windowsill and the rocks and stones that accompany them. The jar of RRLT has prompted questions as well as questions about my food and tv programming choices.
I've never met such curious people! Not in a judgemental way, but in a genuinely curious way. It's like I'm some sort of anomaly!








It's mildly entertaining.








I guess I don't get out much. (even before the bedrest







)


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## mamimapster (Oct 27, 2004)

Just posting some big hugs and stay put baby vibes for your LO.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Just found this thread and read through it all. You are truly amazing in how well you are handling everything. It was really interesting seeing how things have progressed for you. I hope you make it to the 35.5 weeks so that you can actually birth your little one at home























:














:


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

thinking of you!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

I've lost FIVE pounds??? How can I lose FIVE pounds in a week, eating TWICE as much and getting NO exercise???









I lost the bulk of the amniotic fluid in the 4 days before that, so I don't really understand. I know my belly is growing by the day!

Dh is bringing me sushi for dinner





















... that's worth reporting. Other than that? I'm closing in on 33 weeks!!!! I'll hit that Wednesday!
















still lovin' the support you mamas are tossing my way


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## Intertwined (Jun 29, 2005)

33 weeks! Rock on! How long have you been ruptured again? Only 3 more weeks and you can go HOME!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chantelhayes* 
33 weeks! Rock on! How long have you been ruptured again? Only 3 more weeks and you can go HOME!

on wednesday, when I am 33 weeks, I will have been PROM'd for TWO WEEKS!


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## BirthIsAwesome (Nov 14, 2007)

You're an awesome woman! Keep up the good work!


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## memiles (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
I've lost FIVE pounds??? How can I lose FIVE pounds in a week, eating TWICE as much and getting NO exercise???









I lost the bulk of the amniotic fluid in the 4 days before that, so I don't really understand. I know my belly is growing by the day!

Dh is bringing me sushi for dinner





















... that's worth reporting. Other than that? I'm closing in on 33 weeks!!!! I'll hit that Wednesday!
















still lovin' the support you mamas are tossing my way









It's probably a loss of muscle mass. It sucks, but it happens quickly.

Grow, baby, GROW! You are doing such an amazing job!


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Keep growing wee one! Sending you stay in vibes. Hope you get your HB mama!

You rock!

Take care!
Jen


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## neveryoumindthere (Mar 21, 2003)

Hopefully everything works out!
I had PROM at 29 weeks and was on bedrest in the hospital for 4 weeks (during the SARS scare so NO visitors allowed whatsoever! VERY boring), then another 4 weeks at home (I really wanted to leave so I told them I'd come in every week for NSTs).

Had her at 38 weeks by induction due to IUGR. 5 lbs of pure perfection








No NICU at all. No complications.
Hope all goes even better for you!

Hang in there.


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## Stacymom (Jul 7, 2002)

Julie, I logged on tonight just to check on you.

Glad everything is going so well- remember that you can call anytime.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *neveryoumindthere* 
I had PROM at 29 weeks...

Had her at 38 weeks...
No NICU at all. No complications.

oh wow, so it IS possible!!!!























These are the stories I LOVE to hear!!!! THANKS!!!~!

Thanks to you too Staceymom!!! Did you pm me your number? I can't remember.









The NST's are really starting to tick me off.







: I often end up sitting on there for a full hour and I can assure you, it's the most uncomfortable and miserable hour of my entire day.









No news to report otherwise!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Now here is one...

The hospital social worker came in to chat with me about my Advanced Directives and what not. Ok, they're all there on the wall, things are good. Then she says to me, "What's this about you going home at 36 weeks?"

I explain to her that if I indeed carry to 36 weeks, I would be going home to have my baby.

She proceeds to try to convince me, (after asking why in the world I would go home, and why not stay here at the hospital) to "at least" stay in town at someone's house "nearby" for the birth.

I will be 33 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe I'm ALREADY starting this struggle?
The questions ranged from, "why not?" to "where's the nearest hospital to your house?" and on and on as if I hadn't even THOUGHT about my "emergency back up plans" PRIOR to even planning a homebirth to start with.

My homebirth plans haven't changed because of the PROM. They are identical... that is... if I MAKE IT THAT FAR.
THAT plan is in place. What I'm doing NOW is gestating and staying at the hospital for the BEST of bed rest care, monitoring for infection/problems and IN CASE I deliver early, the baby will be RIGHT HERE for the NICU.

I dunno. I seemed weird.
Yes, I know the "dangers" of waiting and waiting and waiting 'til the baby comes on her own: infection, cord compression & stillbirth. I also know there are NEVER any guarantees of complete safety. No one can "guarantee" me a perfectly healthy baby JUST because I'm in the hospital.
As of NOW, there is no indication that the baby is really in any danger, other than... she's too young/small to not need medical help.

sigh... I just needed to vent that. I'm still going day by day. I have a plan for today. And so far, that plan is going GREAT.


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## justmama (Dec 24, 2002)

Just checking this thread again. I haven't said anything thus far but I did want to give you a little success story to perk you up while on bedrest. I had my first preemie at 34weeks due to PPROM. She stayed 11 days in the nicu and came home at a nice 5lbs 5oz(two oz over her birthweight) and is a happy healthy little 3 year old today. A nurse today commented that you would never know she was born early because she's so incredibly bright and talkative and size-wise she is right on target. My second preemie was born on the 5th of this month at 33 weeks and she is coming home tmorrow(11 days old) afternoon. She was 4lbs 12oz and the only reason she's stayed so long is because she couldn't hold her temperature up for a full 24hours outside the isolette. She's just under her birthweight right now and doing extremely well. So while they were both earlybirds they are doing well for their respective ages.
I wish you all the best in your bedrest and labor and delivery. I hope you get the homebirth you want and you can avoid the nicu. It's really not a fun place at all and while I was lucky enough to have kids with short stays, even a day or two is heartbreaking. I cannot even tell you how much it hurts to walk out of the hospital and leave your baby behind. I hope that a success story or two helps you strengthen your resolve to stay there on bedrest doing everything you need to do to keep your baby in as long as possible.







I will continue to check in on this thread so definitely keep everyone updated.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

thank you justmama! the positive stories ARE helpful...









the staff here says i'm "a model patient" I dunno if that means they like that i never use the call light or if it's because my baby is staying put.









I need for nothing, to be sure. I've been able to occupy my time pretty well without going insane (so far) I'd never get this kind of care at home... I'll take it!


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

So glad things are still going well! You might just find it easier to not mention anything to the medical staff about going home. Just smile and nod, and when you hit your magic marker, say "surprise! I'm going home! Where's that AMA paperwork you'll want me to sign?"

Is there anything you need/want? I could send you books? I could send you yarn? I could send you my phone number so you can call when you're bored? Anything?


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## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

Julie,
Thanks for keeping us updated. Wish you were not there but I really enjoy reading about how you are dealing with everything. I love your attitude! How is the bead shopping going?


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

good to see you and the baby are doing well and hanging in there-- take care


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Congrats on 33 weeks!!! Only 3 more to go to 36 or 2.5 to 35.5


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *danotoyou2* 
Is there anything you need/want? I could send you books? I could send you yarn? I could send you my phone number so you can call when you're bored? Anything?

TOO nice! I think I'm set... maybe if I am here longer than another MONTH I'll run out of things to do... I probably won't pick up another magic marker or coloring book for as long as I live, but for now, I'm ok!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
Julie,
How is the bead shopping going?









Oh the choices, the choices!!! I'm still waiting to order something until later in the week. I want to see if dh brings the Fimo I asked for









Quote:


Originally Posted by *LConrad* 
Congrats on 33 weeks!!! Only 3 more to go to 36 or 2.5 to 35.5









I'm contemplating my 33 week belly picture as we speak! They really got a lot less creative since I've been here in the hospital. The props and backgrounds are seriously lacking.









My hb midwives stopped by last night to see me. It was a pleasant surprise to see them!!! They were very excited to see me still pregnant, and have every encouragement and hope that I can hold out til 36 weeks and go home to birth as well. They are on board with that plan, and we are all quite comfortable with the idea. They believe too, that attitude is everything. They have both had experience with babies as early as 35 weeks, and very low birth weight babies, so my (hopefully by then) 36 week, 6 lb. baby doesn't scare them any.









I had some crazy homebirthing dreams last night though, I'm sure triggered by the mw visit. I was in labor and at home and very excited to be doing it at home. However I hadn't been home for long, and called my mw's to ask if they had an extra plastic sheet for the bed that they could bring, as I hadn't even made up the bed yet!!! It was a delightful, albeit scattered labor (we had not even unpacked from the hospital) and I remember thinking the entire time. YAY! I'm at HOME!







I woke up happy this morning.









I still hate to get TOO excited about a homebirth. I have to keep an open mind about how and when this baby will arrive. I have turned it over and over in my head, so I hate to start "banking" on it being one way or another... it will be how it will be, and I just have to wait and see like everyone else.


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Wow Julie. You really do have such a great attitude about the whole thing. I think about you & little one everyday & am sending lots of stay put vibes. I have a friend who PROM at 29 weeks. She stayed in the hospital until 35 weeks. Discharged that AM, went home & had her baby that night. An almost 5 lber who is now almost 4 yrs old









So, did you get baby's hat finished up?


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nursinmama* 
Wow Julie. You really do have such a great attitude about the whole thing. I think about you & little one everyday & am sending lots of stay put vibes. I have a friend who PROM at 29 weeks. She stayed in the hospital until 35 weeks. Discharged that AM, went home & had her baby that night. An almost 5 lber who is now almost 4 yrs old









So, did you get baby's hat finished up?

oh i LOVE LOVE LOVE that story!!!! Sounds like my dream! hahaha

I finished the hat AND a pair of little booties!!!


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## feebeeglee (Nov 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
I've never met such curious people! Not in a judgemental way, but in a genuinely curious way. It's like I'm some sort of anomaly!








It's mildly entertaining.








I guess I don't get out much. (even before the bedrest







)

I have this experience too!

Much







to you and the wee girlie.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

Just another mamas stopping by to tell you that you ROCK!

The weight loss is most likely muscle mass loss. I had 4 months of bedrest with #2 and 4 weeks with #4. I either lost weight or my weight stayed the same (depending on the time.) It was like the baby was growing at the same rate I was losing so we stayed the same. The muscle loss SUCKS but it so worth it to have your baby come out at the right time!
It sounds like you're doing an awesome job keeping yourself busy. Hang in there mama! We're rooting for you!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

yeah, it never really occurred to me about the muscle mass loss until it was mentioned here. I've never been on any sort of bed rest. Of course when it was mentioned, it was like "OH WELL OF COURSE!!!!" and "DOH!







:" combined.









One more thing to look forward to come spring time... lots of wonderful walks and rebuilding of strength and muscle!!!









Things are going well. I think it's common knowledge on the staff now that I have every intention of going home at 35/36 weeks if I make it that far. I haven't heard any more pressure to stay OR get induced... for that, I am grateful.







2-3 weeks sounds like forever away still, so I try not to think about it TOO much.









I can't even fathom 4 months!


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## olive&pimiento (May 15, 2006)

Hi there Julie,
I can't believe your thread has been around for so long and I just read it today! I just want to add to the amazing support you are getting here. I was on bedrest for PTL for 5 weeks and know all about the muscle tone issue. You have such a fabulous attitude and I can't wait to hear all about your beautiful birth at least 3 weeks from now!
Nicole


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

I wonder since you are in there and confined-- maybe physical therapy can stop by and bring one of these bands to do some exercises with to keep up your strength-- or maybe they have some other ideas for bed exercise..

take care


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## kissum (Apr 15, 2006)

You sound like you are doing great! I was on bedrest with my dd for much of my pregnancy, and am a certified physical trainer, so if you need any ideas for moving your muscles in bed (and they will let you) let me know, I think I have a list on this computer somewhere of what I did.
Best of luck to you- your attitude is amazing!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

thinking of you, Julie.

doing some stretches and exercises would be great for you! make sure when the physiotherapy folks come, they are fully aware of your condition, and don't insist on anything that is not safe for you (i have no idea what that would be, though). i was in a hospital with a broken foot while 9 months pregnant, and the physiotherapists, two very young guys, treated me soleley as a broken foot patient, and completely disregarded my pregnancy. there was no way i was hopping up and down the hallway on crutches the way they wanted me to!


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## feebeeglee (Nov 30, 2002)

I myself am a 34 weeker - from 1974!

So keep on truckin'


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

THANKS MAMAS!









When I first got here, the PT came and showed me some little bed movements, but honestly, I get more exercise going to the bathroom and showering than I do with them!








I move my legs quite a bit here in bed, stretching them and bending them. I think I will request some exercise bands tho, since it seems that would be even more helpful.

I'll take any and all information offered! If it doesn't work for me, I just won't use it!









I've decided that I NEED my humidifier though. The hospital is a very dry place and with TWO WEEKS down today, it just gets more and more uncomfortable. My nasal passages, my skin... my lips... my throat. Just so very dry. They don't have/won't bring a humidifier, but I was able to request some saline spray until dh can pick me up a cheap humidifier.

I napped today, which meant I unplugged my room phone and turned the ringer off my cell phone. By the time I woke up, my mother had called 10 times, absolutely SURE I was in labor.







I told her that there is a list here and she's on it... she would would be notified if things move so quickly that I can't call her.








I'm probably going to be in disbelief if/when I really DO go into labor here. Nope, no blood, pain or contractions... every exam, every day.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *feebeeglee* 
I myself am a 34 weeker - from 1974!

So keep on truckin'











hahaha thanks! *turns on ipod with grateful dead playlist*


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

will they let you to keep a wet towel by your bed? (for humidity).

actually, i'm a 34 weeker myself! and i don't have a single health problem (touch wood!) aside from mild food sensitivities as a toddler. but then i outgrew them.


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

You Rock!!!!










You are doing soooo beautifully! What a blessed babe to have a mama mothering her the way you are right now.


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## dogmom327 (Apr 19, 2007)

Hope all is well


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

I'm doing ok.








I was pretty irritable yesterday, and kind of down this am.
After my NST yesterday, I had to have a u/s, and my fluid level was lower than makes me happy.







We "passed" the biophysical profile though,







which I guess is good, so I don't know why I was still kind of upset.
I have been staying in bed and drink drink drinking lots of fluid, so I'm hoping to have more fluid again. I know my belly sure feels bigger than yesterday!
THEN I had ONE high BP reading, so then that kind of put me on the "oh, we better watch this one" list... and that kinna bummed me out. It went back down, of course, but yeah... I'm getting kind of stressed out about even the little things... which turns into bigger things... which... well, YOU ALL KNOW!







:

I am feeling better than this morning though. I had a great MDC mama come see me, and remind me that all those numbers don't necessarily mean ANYTHING in the real scope of things!









It's SO hard in an environment like this, to keep things natural... It's hard to remember that shades of normal aren't even in the medical establishments vocabulary... I DO know how I feel, and I FEEL FINE!!! The baby feels great. It's just hard when your care providers start getting "concerned"... sigh... COME ON TWO WEEKS!!!









The kind of support I need is:
REMIND ME AGAIN THAT THIS IS JUST ONE VARIATION OF NORMAL!!!
REMIND ME THAT I WILL KNOW when something is ACTUALLY WRONG!!!
Remind me that I'm not just a number on a screen and most CERTAINLY not a statistic!!!
oh, and anything else that you mamas think would be helpful right about now.









Now is the time I should feel even MORE empowered and strong and ready to do this LATER and AT HOME... not starting to doubt myself and my body.









I feel really good about the baby... whenEVER she decides to come... and even whereEVER she decides to be born... it's the time and monitoring between now and then that is really stressing me out right about now.

thanks mamas!!!


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

Well... the low fluid I would chalk up to you needing a gentle reminder to drink LOTS of fluids.







Maybe she's taking up so much room right now that you'll need to increase the amount of fluid you drink. Now you know, right?

ONE high BP reading? Oh please. We all have moments where the BP goes up, especially in pregnancy. The only reason you're aware of it is because they're hovering over you and checking it constantly. Relax. As long as there's no pattern of high BP, it's not something to concern yourself with.

You're doing great. A lot better than I could do if I were in your shoes. I'd probably have the entire staff slipping me drugs to put me to sleep, because I'd be bitching so much.









You're not a statistic, and neither is your baby. You're a flesh and blood mama, who doesn't fit in a textbook.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Hey Mama,

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time of it right now. You know what, it is SO normal to feel this way on bedrest and when you're having issues with your pregnancy. But look at you, you're still hanging in there! You've already given your baby what, two weeks of good cookin' time? You have already gotten SO much closer to your goal. You are doing what you're supposed to do right now (and doing an amazing job of it, I might add







).

I can see how, in that enviornment, it would be so hard to disregard all the machines and procedures and keep that trust in your body. But you DO have that trust in your body. You're just doubting it right now and that's okay and normal and understandable. Honestly, going through stuff like this can be pretty traumatic. You're amazing for having had your spirits so high for so long. It's okay if you don't feel strong right now or have all the answers. Can someone come give you a back rub or something? Try to watch a movie that will make you laugh or, if you're up for it, visit with someone who you really enjoy talking with. Anything to help you feel better and keep you going through this difficult time.

I know you're feeling down and struggling right now but try to just get through today for now. At this moment you're helping your baby get closer to being healthy enough to be born. She is so lucky to have you as her mama, taking such good care of her. And you are NOT just a number or a statistic! I know it's starting to get to you but you know it is not true. Hang in there!









p.s. Are you taking Vit C w/bioflavanoids? They could really help hydrate you. One glass of water will be better absorbed and better hydrate and benefit you when you drink it w/some C. Also, have dp pick up some Recharge from Whole Foods (the all natural gatorade).

p.p.s. The offer of PMing still stands.







:


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

heh, yeah, thanks... those are EXACTLY the kinds of words i need to hear/read right now.









dh actually rubbed me for a while today (a first in MONTHS







) and told me to get the prenatal massage therapists up here this week while he's at work to give me a go over.








Without my 10 yr. old with me all day, and kitties all over me and dh in my bed, I realized today after even the short rub down just how MUCH I was in need of human/animal contact!!! And I am not a touchy feely person... just goes to show you, we ALL need it!

I drink Emergen-C... but haven't had any for a couple of days, I'll get back to that starting.... NOW!









I'm feeling a little better, excited that I'm not the first or even SECOND person in the Feb. DDC to have their baby earthside yet! (and I'm actually officially due in march, but felt more at home in Feb. DDC-intuition







)

'Lil girl here has GOT to be pushing 5 lbs. now. I feel pretty good about that. I measured the distance from her little butt bulge in my belly to the little foot bulge in my belly and decided that she's a decent size already!! That or has legs all the way up to her neck.









I haven't been leaking nearly the volumes as yesterday and day before... so I'm hoping all this fluid is getting put to good use.








I keep telling LO to just go ahead and cork her adorable furry head in my pelvis and hold it all in from now til birth!


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## mrsfussypants (Apr 10, 2007)

Hi, former lurker







: here, just wanted to let you know that you are great! Good job keeping that baby cooking. We're all rooting for you! (And in two weeks the baby will be rooting for you--haha!--in the breastfeeding sense!)







:


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## Datura (Mar 18, 2005)

You're doing great!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

I had a mostly sad and crappy day... feeling a little sorry for myself I guess, trumped by arguments with dh. I just sent him home. I don't see the point in him being here really. He can't do a thing for me, and I obviously don't do a thing for him.









The GOOD news is. I'm still pregnant!









Oh, and a friend of mine came and did THIS for me. That made me happ...ier...









I'm holding tight... now if the baby will stay as long (or longer) as the henna upon my belly!!!


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

you're probably getting depressed without sunshine and fresh air and exercise, not to mention the hospital environment. that's my guess.

Are you taking lots of vitamins and herbs? I'd recomend vitamin E to seal up that bag of water, and nettles for an extra boost.








:


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Oooh!!! The henna belly is gorgeous!









You know, dps can be real a-holes sometimes when their pregnant dp is on bedrest. Seriously, 99% of women on bedrest experience this. Not saying it's okay at all just that you're not alone. I think there's something to it where they are used to you being so independent and in control and healthy that they react very badly to you "just" laying there all day. Really though, no work is harder than having to stay down and worrying sick about your little one 24/7, you know? Try to get support elsewhere if you can and try not to let him get you down too much.









So glad to hear you're still pregnant.







You're doing awesome. I'm thinking it would be perfect if baby stayed in until the henna is totally faded. It usually takes a couple weeks, right?







How are your fluids today? Are you finding things to occupy you? Do you enjoy reading and want some book recommendations?


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## tbavrbab (Dec 4, 2006)

You're doing so well!!

Trust your body. Even with everything that happened with my daughter, I'm okay with (most of) it because I KNEW I needed the help. I listened to my body and it said GET HELP! or YOU'RE OKAY! Trust your body to tell you what's going on









Just wanted to offer some encouragment. My daughter was 33w3d and only had 8 days NICU. My son was 34w6d and needed no NICU time. In fact, he peed allllllll over the NICU docs to tell them what he thought of them









You're doing so well taking all the hospital time in stride. Most people get so angry and frustrated, I had many a fight with my hubby because I felt so FRUSTRATED!

I spent 3 months on bedrest at home with my son (up to use the bathroom only, but I had home food not hospital food). It was rough, but worth it. My brother ran a cable to my bedroom so I could use the internet on my laptop so I didn't feel so isolated.

Here's to hoping you stay pregnant a while longer and go home to birth your little one just like you planned


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Julie, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still lurking, still care, and still hoping that you wind up with a 36-weeker who is as mature as my 36 weeker. After getting him into the sling and remembering his siblings' first days a bit more clearly, I honestly don't think that he is any less ready to be earthside than they were at 40 weeks. The doll I saved all these years because its head is the same size ds1's was when he was born (at about 40 weeks and 6 lbs) is positively tiny compared to this baby.

One thing we have going for us is our age: yes, we are at a slightly higher risk of preterm labour, but on the positive side, it is normal for our cycles to become shorter as we get older (not sure if this has been the case for you or not) and therefore for our kiddos to take less time to cook.

That makes sense to me, anyway, as I sit here looking at my youngest newborn who is probably also my largest.

Lots of love going out to you and your littlest daughter and hoping that you and Mark make it through this okay and become even stronger for the experience. I know he isn't what you need right now, but this is an awful lot for such a young man to have to deal with so sometimes we have to get our support from other people than our partners. Please don't be afraid to reach out to us, Bayleigh, or other irl friends.

Untraditional families rock!








:


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Oh, the belly is just GORGEOUS









I think of you every day and send all of my love and STAY IN, BABY! vibes


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

You guys are so awesome.









Great words. Great Advice. Great support.
























The NST nearly put me over the edge today. I just don't see how monitoring this baby for one hour a day, with me in a really uncomfortable position, stressed out about "meeting the criteria" is REALLY helpful. I don't see how it can tell them whether or not my baby is healthy or in "trouble". I don't see how it's helpful at all. I kind of think that she's either ok, or she's not and how is ONE HOUR out of TWENTY FOUR going to prevent anything from happening to her. Although it's preventing ME from being at peace. They check her with the doppler every four hours. TELL ME how that is going to prevent a stillbirth? TELL ME how that is going to keep her inside me for another couple of weeks? (she still offers no threats of impending labor) TELL me how that tells ANYBODY ANYTHING except that her heart is beating at that very moment???

I get 24/7 feedback from this baby. She squiggles, she moves, she rolls ALL the way over from one side to the other. She's head down and stays that way. She gets hiccups. She's obviously peeing and practicing breathing. I see it, I feel it and I SMELL her every single time I change my pad. (20 times a day) The water flows and flows from me, and I drink and drink and drink...The amniotic fluid SMELLS like my baby, sweet and new... just like babies smell. I can't hold her yet, but there she is. That, to me, is better than an NST every 24 hrs. BETTER than hearing a heartbeat every 4 hours... am I insane?









I can't say I want to go HOME yet, as I don't have the support there that I really need at 33.5 weeks... but I don't want to submit to the machines anymore. They are not helping.







I just wonder what "they" are going to say to me tomorrow when I refuse anymore NST's... "I'll lay here in this bed for 2 more weeks, but I will do NOTHING more."







That thought actually made me laugh a little. Does a hospital kick you out if you quit playing nice?
NST's and ultrasounds don't guarantee me a happy ending. NOTHING does. I understand this completely. I'm kind of tired of them LOOKING for something "wrong" when in fact... nothing really feels "wrong" here. What was wrong, was righted by my water breaking at all... It put me where I needed to be... resting and contemplating and making peace with my body. I'd like to spend the rest of my unknown time I'm going to be pregnant at peace... not constantly worried about what numbers I'm gonna get today, or what "they" are going to find "wrong".

Again, thanks to you all. I'm grateful to have you all cheering me on. I know I'll manage thru this... I always do... the name phoenix didn't just happen.









Yes, I like the henna... it's lovely. I hope it darkens up now that it's dried and peeled off. Nothing like a lotus to give me more things to contemplate.


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## BirthIsAwesome (Nov 14, 2007)

I absolutely LOVE your beautiful henna belly!!!







mamma--hang in there and trust your body. I totally rock that you are refusing your NST's!!! YOU and ONLY YOU know when your baby and your body are alright. Prayers going your way for a tight cervix, healthy baby, and more support/love from DH.


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

HUGS!!! Your doing so much better than I would be doing. I'd be begging them to send me home by now for sure! Keep up the good work and trust your instincts about the NST. Only you can know what's right for you and your baby!

Were all here chearing you on!!!! I love the HENA!!! It's beautiful!! I've been wanting to get some done on my belly too!!!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Have you read Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer? I don't know if she's still actively on-line, but 6 years ago I emailed her when I was pushed towards an induction, and she was absolutely wonderful and emailed me some chapters of her book, as at that time I couldn't get it fast enough. Here is her address.

She specifically advices against the NSTs, exactly for the reasons you mention above.

Trust your body and your little one. You are phenomenal. You are doing great.


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

just to add--when I told my OB 6 years ago that i wouldn't do a NST at 41 weeks "just in case" I was told I didn't fit under their standard of care and they wouldn't be able to see me. (I went into labour at 41 weeks, so I don't know how this wouold have ended.; it was also in Canada)

I'd try Henci and see if she might arm you with some info on legalities and what not.

The rate of false positive is pretty high for a NST, and the results are open for interpretation. If they are determined to do a section at 34 weeks, they might be inclined to different interpretations if the results are borderline, even if not intentionally--out of habit.

Wishing you strength, and lots of good luck.


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Mama - I feel you needing some support & wish there was something I could do for you





















You are doing such a good thing for your baby. You are excersing in bed, drinking like crazy, trying to maintain a good attitude, not submitting to interventions....this dc is lucky to have you. Trust me, your attitude has gone a long way with keep this little one on the inside. I hope this next week will be peaceful & fast for you & that soon you will be at home waiting for this babe to make her entrance


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## mrscunning14 (Jan 15, 2008)

Hey there salt_phoenix--just a new lurker here who thinks you are AWESOME!!!

Follow your instinct--listen to your gut and your baby. Don't let that waver--you know her better than anybody. Remember how useless a lot of these tests are, and how little they really tell you about what's going on.

It's so hard being in a hospital under these circumstances, and I know how bullying the staff/doctors/nurses can be. Hey, it happened to me with my first birth. You are doing so excellently and really keeping your head in a difficult situation.

Your henna belly is gorgeous! Hang in there mama, you're doing the right thing! Looking forward to hearing your updates!


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## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

Thinking about you today Julie!


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## onlyboys (Feb 12, 2004)

Lurker de-lurking to let you know that I am thinking of you and know that you can do this.

Your henna belly is LOVELY and I wish you peace and light.


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## GentleBirth (Feb 6, 2006)

Un-lurking to say your belly henna looks awesome!








Hang in there your doing great!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

MLK day update!








Refused the NST today... thanks MM for the recommendation to write Henci. She was very helpful, and I did find some info online that turns out I didn't even need to bust out. They didn't try to argue at all or push me any farther than the initial, "if you don't do these, we might miss some important, crucial information." lecture... Even with that, I can see how sooooo many mamas end up caving to the pressure. The resident asked me, "so now, when you make it to 36 weeks, you are planning on going home, right?"
Me: "yes, if I go that long without labor."
It was almost as if she didn't even try after that.









I found some numbers I can live with in "Managment of High Risk Pregnancy: An Evidence Based Approach"

A test that is only accurate half the time isn't really accurate in my eyes...








and the outcomes just aren't that bad if they ARE correct... nevermind what it can LEAD to if I believe a negative result...

Overall it's been a good day. My spirits are on the mend. I've had very little leaking today and my uterus feels full and bloated. Leh beh beh is busy as ever. I'll take that as a good sign.














I got my weekly urine check for infections (no news is good news) and a weight check (I'm back up the lbs. I lost last week)
All is well.


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## Stacymom (Jul 7, 2002)

I'm so proud of you! Way to go mama- way to stand up for yourself, your baby and your sanity!

I'm so glad they're not hassling you about the nst and about your plan to go home at 36 weeks. I hope that they are staring to see, at least a little bit, the benefits of a more natural approach.

You're amazing. Hang in there!


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## tbavrbab (Dec 4, 2006)

Woot! Glad you're feeling a little better! Keep your spirits up, you've done amazing so far!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

so glad you are feeling better and that your refusal of the NST went so well!
you are in my thoughts. i think i'm more aware of how many weeks YOU are, than i am


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moodymaximus* 
so glad you are feeling better and that your refusal of the NST went so well!
you are in my thoughts. i think i'm more aware of how many weeks YOU are, than i am

















glad to provide distraction!!!

Round two of fending off the residents about the NST came at 5:30 this morning! Hey, if nothing else, it's good "practice" for them.








"How about if we do them in your room instead of wheeling you off to Maternal-Fetal Diagnostics?"








"You know, we've caught a COUPLE of babies that MIGHT have died a few hours later by using the NST!"








"You know you will probably have to have this conversation again!"








Me:
"I have 4 planets in Taurus." (not that they even know what that means)


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## tbavrbab (Dec 4, 2006)

5:30am they ARE mighty determined aren't they?!

Reminds me of the anesthisiologist who visited me all night every couple of hours (the 2am visit being one of my favorites) begging me to get an epidural b/c my blood work had gotten so bad that I was at the extreme limit they could do it.

I was really peeved because just before a particularly nasty attempt on their part to scare me into it (just before noon), my body said "it's time, you have to do this..." I still negotiated and had it done MY way (like there was a good way haha...but at least it was how I wanted if not WHAT I wanted!)

I have tons of anecdotes for why you should listen to your body. Even with everything that went "wrong" with my daughter's labor, I still only allowed interventions as my body told to me to. I still listened to my baby, my heart, and my body.

You can do this.







You ARE doing this


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Well she was right







it wasn't the last conversation about the NST's...

this weeks "head honcho" perinatoligists came in... relatively nice guy... even though first thing he said to me was:
"i hear you are a trouble maker"








He said that they have moms with high blood pressure and diabetes and all sorts of issues that only "have" to come in twice a week... and as far as he was concerned, he thought the only reason i got NST's every day, was frankly, cuz i am here...














that was funny to hear outta a perinatologists mouth...
He said he didn't think it was about the $$ 'cuz they didn't get much for those particular tests...
anyway, he was supportive of NOT doing them everyday... and agreed that my stress level SHOULD be factored into it. He also said that the younger the baby, the less accurate the NST... that even when I got a "negative" one, I shouldn't sweat it.








I told him I didn't have much of a problem with twice a week, 'cept that the tests were notoriously unreliable, and I wasn't too sure that even with bad results I would follow whatever intervention they would have in store for me... he said he understood that. He assured me that they look at the WHOLE picture when something like that comes up, knowing too that they can be unreliable...sometimes it means a biophysical profile, sometimes it means just checking for tenderness and temperature an extra time per day.









He sort of had something to say about "others" when he said how I was unusual and why some of the staff didn't understand was because people usually opt for MORE testing, not less... and in this day of TOO MANY inductions... it was "unusual" to see the likes of me...lol... He said the last thing he wants to do is induce me, he just wasn't down for TRYING to get me induced without good reason... lie? truth?







dunno.
We discussed the unknowns of PROM, and he even said that it would not surprise him if sometime in the near future their protocol wouldn't involve sending moms home again instead of trying to keep them as they do now... he just said there were too many unknowns as to why it happens at all... I asked him if they can create an artificial heart, why in the
world they couldn't just CORK the thing up when it happens...lol... he said that it might solve the water leakage, but "water leakage? big deal!" he thought...THAT wasn't the problem... it was the underlying reasons and WHY did it break at all? finding the CAUSE of it and not just remedying the symptom...
he proceeded to tell me the Japanese are starting to use something similar to the stuff you fill bike tires with to patch the holes... like fix a flat for the uterus. Great idea, but still didn't solve the "why does it happen?" issue.
now I gotta go look it up and read all about it...









He didn't give me too much crap... he just chatted with me mostly.
It was fine.


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

Yay, a doctor that isn't intervention happy!









Twice a week isn't so bad then! It sure beats every day.

Glad things are going better for you.


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## tbavrbab (Dec 4, 2006)

Maybe I've been lucky, but I find peri's to be less intervention happy than regular OBs. Perhaps because peri's see the highest risks/worst cases. They are used to the "poo meet fan" situation, so I think they are more relaxed outside of those situations.







:

I'm sure there ARE exceptions, but the peri's I've dealt with are more relaxed than the OBs. I rather liked them for that reason. They were generally more honest too







Sometimes their honesty wasn't pleasant, but that was usually after we hit that "poo meet fan" situation.

You haven't gotten there, and I have high hopes that you WON'T get there!!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Well mamas... the day we've ALL been waiting for may be upon us.
















As of 7am, I have some bloody show and I can feel my cervix starting up. No contractions yet though.

I feel good and confident about this. I have yet to tell the staff what's going on with me, I wanted to get my shower, my breakfast and my last alone time with dh before things get moving.









I'm 34 weeks TODAY! When the resident came in at 6am she said to me:
"well, you are 34 weeks today, you understand that normally we would induce you."

HA! Take That!!!









Wish me luck mamas I'll be back in touch when I can!


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Good luck mama! I hope if your daughter decides to make her appearance soon she is big and healthy and goes right home in your arms! Please feel free though, if she does have a little NICU time, to come by the preemie forum and get some support, or PM me if you want to talk.


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## ~Katie~ (Mar 18, 2007)

Best of luck to you. Many peaceful labor and birth vibes to you mama, may she be big and healthy and come home with you quickly!


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

JULIE!!!!!!! Wow, you might be meeting your little girl soon. Your lo is blessed to have such a strong mama. I'm hoping that if you are in labor soon (meaning still at the hospital) that the staff has gotten to know you well enough that they will back off & let you birth your way. I'll be sending lots of t & p's to you throughout the day. Post when you can. GL &







:!!!!!!!


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## feebeeglee (Nov 30, 2002)

wow! how exciting!


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## CallMeMommy (Jun 15, 2005)

Oooh, good luck with whatever happens (whether baby decides to come out and play or stay inside for a while)! Keep us posted!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Oh wow! Congratulations on making it to 34 weeks! That is SO wonderful! And that's great you're keeping the bloody show under wraps.














Afterall, it could still be a day or two until she makes an entrance from those first signs so the longer you wait to tell them the better. I'd just definitely make sure they know when you're pushing so they can have equiptment ready in case she needs help breathing. Don't let them forget how encouraging they were about keeping baby/mama contact and kangarooing and all that. Best of luck to you. Still keep up those fluids and vit. C and try to get a good meal in while you can.


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## dogmom327 (Apr 19, 2007)

Your little girl is so lucky to have such a wonderful and selfless mama. Think of all those mothers who wouldn't have done 1/10 of what you've done to keep her safe and secure. If a hospital birth is meant to be then it's great you've been there for a bit. The staff know you and so the birth you want (will require) won't shock them









I've been checking this thread everyday and appreciate your willingness to update us. I've been inspired by your commitment and resolve to bake, labor and birth your baby in the calmest and safest environment possible.

Best wishes!!!


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Best wishes. Update us when you can!


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## BirthIsAwesome (Nov 14, 2007)

Good luck salt_phoenix!!! I hope baby girl either comes out nice and healthy, or waits a little longer--y'all are in my prayers and thoughts.


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## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

Thinking about you Julie!!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Well, so far so good. No active labor, still a little bit of show (not increasing) some increasing low back achiness/draggy feelings deep in my hips and sacrum. Some aching down my legs. The contractions I DO have are still mild enough to brush off as B/H's. Baby sounds great, feels great... busy as ever!
I had a big lunch... I ordered extra fresh fruit and cheese and wow, I'm surprised how those things really hit the spot!








The 5:30 am ob came to see me about 10:30am and of course wanted to immediately do a sterile speculum exam.







Right... yeah, I don't think so... I'm nowhere NEAR ready for that! I'll let you know when I'm ready for an exam to see what my cervix is up to. (how about never







) They just CAN'T STAND not being able to see, feel, MANAGE whatever is going on, can they?







They HATE the "unknown".
Another good thing... now that I am 34 weeks, they will "let" the hospital midwives attend the birth. NO PESKY OB's!!! This is a big fat YAY! for me... I know many of them already both socially and thru my CNM sister, but I haven't been seeing them at all, but it makes no matter, if I request them, they will come!







I talked to my sis this am, and she laughed and said, "well, looks like you just psyched yourself up to wait until 34 weeks, huh?" Maybe... I mean, not conciously, but uh... I'LL TAKE IT!








I'm gearing up! I think I'm going to have a little nap and/or rest for a while. Knowing that this COULD go on for days... I'll take it where I can get it, right?








I can't believe how my appetite picked back up today!







: The body just KNOWS, doesn't it?









Thanks mamas for everything... I'll keep you posted.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
The 5:30 am ob came to see me about 10:30am and of course wanted to immediately do a sterile speculum exam.







Right... yeah, I don't think so... I'm nowhere NEAR ready for that!

Wow. A speculum exam while pregnant!? I would NEVER be ready for that!
















Quote:

I'll let you know when I'm ready for an exam to see what my cervix is up to. (how about never







) They just CAN'T STAND not being able to see, feel, MANAGE whatever is going on, can they?







They HATE the "unknown".
So true. Did you ever see that movie Knocked Up? The OB comes out and tells her dp, "That woman is a control freak and she's not letting me do my job!" It made me







because it's so the other way around.

Quote:

now that I am 34 weeks, they will "let" the hospital midwives attend the birth. NO PESKY OB's!!!
That is *wonderful*! It sounds like you (and the little girly) are doing great. I'm so happy for you.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

Good luck! We're all rooting for you.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

good luck!!


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Glad to hear your still pregnant, we're all rooting for you. Hope you stay pregnant for another week and half so you can have your home birth!


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## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

Thinking about you!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Thinking of you, Julie!


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## wombjuice (Feb 22, 2007)

Just checking in! So glad to see you're still pregnant (well, as of yesterday anyway







)! You're such a strong mama! So excited for you!!


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Update us when you can so we know you're still around! Thinking of you!


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

I hope everything is going well. Your little baby is in my thoughts.


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## ErinsJuneBug (Nov 21, 2006)

I've been lurking since the start - i hope all is well! I really admire everything you have done thus far for your babe and i wish you both the best!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Well as of 3:20 MST I am STILL PREGNANT!









I was never "lucky"







enough in either of my other pgs to experience prodromal labor... I'm guessing that's what I have stumbled upon.








Enough to be uncomfortable. Not enough to move things along at the pace I'm used to! The GOOD part of that (I'm hoping) is that it's preparing my body for a smooth and extremely efficient active labor.
I've requested a heating pad for my lower back, but so far, they can't seem to find one.








I've been eating well and resting. (when I can) I had probably 4 or 5 contractions during the night that were enough to wake me up, and probably about one an hour of the same discomfort level today...
They start in my back and move around to encompass my whole uterus. Then they eventually fade the same way... Whoever said that every pregnancy and birth is different, was telling the TRUTH! Even though my first two were really similar, this one is SO very different. It even crossed my mind that it was because I was in the hospital this time... I don't feel especially upset or scared or anything about being here at this point. Is it possible that I am holding back unconciously? I am just hoping I need a little more preparation and it's not something like that. Maybe a longer buildup and labor will make baby a little more ready to do all the things she needs to do on her own to go home?... I can do that.









I'm walking some, rocking some, cat/cowing some... Doesn't much seem to DO anythig except make me a little more comfortable.









I am beginning to think I might just make it to February afterall! ;-)


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## dogmom327 (Apr 19, 2007)

You rock!


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## wowbaby42 (Jul 31, 2007)

I'm glad to read you are still pregnant Julie, I know how much you want that homebirth!!! You are awesome!!!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

that's awesome, Julie! every day counts! your attitude is wonderful and you are doing great!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

I'm so happy for you that you're still pregnant!







The prodromal labor stuff doesn't sound so great though.







I very much agree that when the body does all that preparation stuff gradually before things really kick into gear that it generally does make for a smoother delivery.









I would be careful about walking around too much yet... the longer she stays on the inside the better. Try to rest as much as you can to give her that extra time to mature her lungs, be able to maintain her own temp, have a good, strong latch and suck, etc. Even one more day will help her out. I know it is SO much easier said than done. I felt like I was going out of my mind on bedrest. It helped me some to think about how much good I was doing just laying there and letting them cook. In the end though it is all so worth it.

I hope you're able to get some good rest tonight.


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

So glad you're still hanging in. What's the offical date when you are 35.5 weeks? It would be so great if you could make it. But, I really have a belief that baby knows what's best & she will come when she needs to, be it hospital or home. Thanks for keeping us updated


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

I will be 35 weeks on Wednesday 30th.
36 Weeks on Wednesday, Feb. 6th.
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.









Actually I'm having quite a bit of lower back pain with my random (twice or so an hour) contractions...
After requesting a heating pad all day for this, I was DENIED by the doc on duty, because they don't want to "mask anything serious"
OH GIVE ME A BREAK!









It seems they want me to beg for some sort of relief, so they can jump in and DO something... I don't argue... I honestly would rather endure the backache than reveal early early early labor that they immediately want to start managing...
I KNOW what this is, it comes and goes like waves. I DO NOT have a fever, it accompanies contractions... Do you believe? They gave me the same excuse for my request for tylenol for a headache several days ago... THEN offered me Compazine for my headache... Do you KNOW what compazine is?
Compazine is used to control severe nausea and vomiting. It is also used to treat symptoms of the mental disorder schizophrenia, and is occasionally prescribed for anxiety. It is NOT recommended for pregnancy.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT???? I refused it, of course. They have offered me sleeping pills almost every night...









ANYWAY... I told dh that it was all good... I'd just ring them when I started pushing...








I have had some more blood streaks this evening... I'm not going to hold my breath. I may be spending some time in the the hot shower for this backach tho... only thing that seems to shake it is walking, swaying and other movements... When I lay down or rest, it's a lot more painful. They can keep their stupid heating pad. I'll manage.









My (almost 20 years ago) roomate and friend CNM who has privileges here came by tonight. She's on call tonight and Sunday... how fun would it be if she could attend the birth? Any one of the midwives would do a fine job, I'm sure, but this woman has been part of my life since my oldest was 8 mos. old, even though we don't regularly spend time together, she will always be like family. She would be a most welcome face at an otherwise icky hospital birth.

SO... dh is off work tomorrow and he will be up here in the a.m. with my 10 yr. old to spend some time... YAY!
I just know the closer I get to 36 weeks, the harder it is to stay here another day.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
ANYWAY... I told dh that it was all good... I'd just ring them when I started pushing...









That would be perfect. Or what if you waited until you were nursing your little one!







I'll bet they would pass out cold.


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## mrscunning14 (Jan 15, 2008)

Best of luck!







You're doing great!


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Can you have a family member bring you one of the heating packs from walmart or something (sneak it in so they don't know)...

wow so you get the hard drugs, but you can't have Tylenol? OMG!!!

I'm so sorry....I'd have someone bring a heat pack from home/store. They don't have to know...GRRRR

You're doing better than I would!!! I'd be walking down to the nurses station demanding they do the treatment I choose.....GRRR

Keep up the good spirit, we're pulling for you all the way. Stay pregnant another week and a half!!!! Then you can go home.


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Can you have a family member bring you one of the heating packs from walmart or something (sneak it in so they don't know)...

wow so you get the hard drugs, but you can't have Tylenol? OMG!!!

I'm so sorry....I'd have someone bring a heat pack from home/store. They don't have to know...GRRRR

You're doing better than I would!!! I'd be walking down to the nurses station demanding they do the treatment I choose.....GRRR

Keep up the good spirit, we're pulling for you all the way. Stay pregnant another week and a half!!!! Then you can go home.


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## Stacymom (Jul 7, 2002)

Hang in there- youre doing great! Show them what a determined, natural birthing mama looks like!

Do you want me to sneak in some contraband heating pads or tylenol?









Hopefully, "your" midwife can be on call for you- and I'm so glad you made it far enough that they will "let" the midwives catch the baby!


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Julie - haven't seen an update from you today. Hope you & lo are doing good & still hanging in there


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Just popping in to check on you again! Hope you are ok and baby's still hanging out inside since I haven't seen a post from you today.


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

thinking of you, Julie!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

She's still on the inside, but I don't know for how long!







:
I've alternated between stringy, bloody show and pretty strong contractions (albeit short ones) Usually having one or the other for a number of hours... Seems for the last 12 hrs. or so, it's been BOTH. When I mentioned it to the ob on duty yesterday, the first thing she wanted me to do was go to L&D to be "monitored for a couple of hours". Which, of course, I declined...








I told her I'd let them know when it was time to go to L&D.









The hot shower sure feels good on my lower back. I got sleep last night (between vitals checks, potty breaks and contractions







) and plenty of food as of recent, but I can sure see how this pre-labor stuff could get to ya after a few days.







: It's a brand new deal for me. I'm guessing that she needs the "extra time" and maybe the "extra pre-labor" is natures way of getting her EXTRA ready to breathe, eat and stay warm on her own. I'm feeling pretty confident that she's nice and big for 34.5 weeks, and most likely pretty close to not needing any help at this point. Still... she comes on her time and terms.








As far as ME... I'm ready and stoked.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Stacymom* 
Do you want me to sneak in some contraband heating pads or tylenol?










hahaha i have a drawer full of tylenol that i have yet to touch... i think i might as well wait at this point, I think I'll let my own endorphins build and work... but i'm getting really close to asking for a heating pad... dh couldn't find ours on his last trip home... however when he's here, i got the counterpressure and heat from his hands... that sure is helpful.

oh and you'll get a kick outta this: Dr. Silver was the attending this a.m., I nearly lost it when he come thru the door.







First thing I said to him was, "now that I'm past 34 weeks, I'll be attended by the midwives."
Him: "oh, ok... any questions?"
Me: "NOPE."


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

Wow, so glad to hear you and the baby inside are both doing well! You are an inspiration--you have handled a tough situation with so much grace and courage. Sending happy labor vibes!


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

I'm so glad that things are looking good! It's amazing what a couple weeks of growth does for these babies, isn't it?

And you've been a lot stronger than I would have been! You need to pat yourself on the back for a job well done.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

heh... yeah, thanks mamas... my guess is, this will go down in the next 24-48 hrs...
I've never had pre labor before.... OR pre-term labor before... I know it's supposed to be "different" but I don't know HOW different.
I feel great, not in labor land by any means, but my body is DEFINITELY working a little. She's settling into position, I'm ramping up... I just keep moving and wondering WHEN it will REALLY be time. The staff has no idea just how into this I am... I just keep saying when they ask: "yeah, a few random contractions and yeah, still some little strings of blood" Kind of brushing it off as no big deal... and maybe it isn't much of a big deal yet. I wouldn't know.







However, the contractions are pretty intense, albeit not extremely regular, and there is quite a bit of pressure in my pelvic region. The bloody show is much more obvious and regular and more copius , although it's still mucusy strings of it.
I just don't really want to deliver in the hallway on my way to L&D.







I can't see that happening... but what do I know? I had full term, reasonably sized babies before... I don't know what a pre-term labor or delivery will be like.







There is OBVIOUSLY something going down... but it just doesn't seem like delivery is immenent. I guess I'm waiting for something MUCH more intense to occur.


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## BinahYeteirah (Oct 15, 2002)

I've been lurking on your thread. GL!


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## lilgsmommy (Jun 21, 2004)

GL mama! Keep us posted!


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## ErinsJuneBug (Nov 21, 2006)

yay good luck! You have done such an amazing job of advocating for yourself and your baby - i hope and pray that she is big and screaming and gets to go straight to mama and spend no time with those yucky doctors and bright lights!

Keep us posted (like i have to ask!)

-Erin


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

So happy to read you are still holding your own







I am looking forward to reading more of you journey.


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## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
hahaha i have a drawer full of tylenol that i have yet to touch... i think i might as well wait at this point, I think I'll let my own endorphins build and work... but i'm getting really close to asking for a heating pad... dh couldn't find ours on his last trip home... however when he's here, i got the counterpressure and heat from his hands... that sure is helpful.

Julie I sent you one on Saturday before I had a chance to read the thread and see that they were not allowed.







So you have a flax heat pack coming your way.


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## Datura (Mar 18, 2005)

*crosses fingers!*


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

Trying not to get ahead of myself (or really, you and the babe), but with the bloody show and that backache, I'm anticipating a wonderful birth announcement any time here!


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## anudi01 (Aug 11, 2004)

Not in your DDC, but wanted to say Good Luck! Your little one is lucky to have such a strong Mama. I'm sure your cooking him/her really good in there, and everything is going to work out great.









Keep up those positive thoughts!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
Julie I sent you one on Saturday before I had a chance to read the thread and see that they were not allowed.







So you have a flax heat pack coming your way.

oh my goodness!!! there is NO WAY i'm going to turn that down!!!!







THANK YOU!!!! Sounds delightful!!!! I can't WAIT!!!
I griped and asked for one again last night about 9pm. They finally brought me one about midnight. It's not like any I've ever seen. It's attached to a tank and runs heated water through it from a tube. Pretty high speed. I guess it keeps from people electrocuting themselves in bed?








Either way, just about the time I settled back in to try to sleep, the tube came undone and next thing I knew, I was in a giant puddle of water, my entire bed soaked.







: THEN I had to get up and let them change the bed and get it all put back together.
Wow, I didn't think I was ever going to get any sleep last night.







The heat REALLY does feel good on my lower back/sacrum/hips though. I mean REALLY good.






















I slept as much as I could.








Baby girl is still sounding great and feeling great and overall, I feel really good. Just that on again, off again latent stuff... Again, I can see how it would exhaust you after, what has it been, 3 days now? 4?







At least there are SOME hours here and there that I get in a little sleep.
SOOO different than my other labors/births... SO different.


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

Sounds like you're getting close- hang in there. It's well worth the wait- of course you know that and it sounds like they're not giving you TOO much grief about your choices.


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## greenmom4 (Dec 19, 2007)

Hi there -

I just wanted to say that I don't "know" you in any sense of the word, but I've been following your story for awhile now and you are truly an inspiration. I've never known such strength, and I consider the hospital you're in lucky to have you there







- hopefully some of the things you're doing/requesting will stick, or at least give them reason for pause in the future.

Anyway, just wanted to cheer you on as well, can't wait to "meet" your new little one!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *greenmom4* 
I've never known such strength, and I consider the hospital you're in lucky to have you there

















I'll say it again... 4 planets in Taurus, and I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse.









The thing about a teaching hospital, (and previously planning a homebirth with CPM's) is that I see A LOT of different docs... Probably three different ones each day... some I've seen only once, some a few times... a couple of them I am CURSED with.







I have to "explain" myself almost each and every time. I do a LOT of explaining things from my point of view...
"WHY are you refusing XYZ?"
"WHY won't you be induced at 34 weeks?"
"WHY won't you agree to an NST, they are NOTHING really."
"WHY won't you take this drug, that therapy, this advice?"
I get a LOT of "well, our research has shown" 's... a LOT of those.







:
and "You REALIZE that (fill in EVERY worst case scenario here) can happen?"

I won't say it's EASY... but so far, it's been worth it?








I'd like to say that happy ending or no happy ending, it will have been worth it, but I don't know what it will be like once all of this is said and done. I know it's hard... I also know what feels "right". Now just because it feels "right" though, doesn't mean I'm guaranteed a "happy ending". All I am guaranteed is that I am retaining my own power.







I've made my own choices, and so far, they have kept me sane. No one here can guarantee me anything, so all I can do is do it MY way, the best way I can.

I've been told things like: "well, we don't agree, but we aren't going to take you to court."
and:
"you are quite the troublemaker."








and:
"well, women did it that way for a long time before we started doing it this way. it wouldn't surprise me to see it return to that eventually."

The most recent perinatologist that I saw is one I saw 10 years ago for a few of my 2nd trimester losses, and he did my D&C's... He talked to me for a while today and then asked me some questions and then felt my belly and said to me, "well, you seem fine to me!" and left.









One of my "curses" docs, a young one, has tried to get me to do EVERYTHING:
internal exams at the drop of a hat, daily NST's, HEAVY medications instead of tylenol for a simple headache, induction induction INDUCTION!!!(every day since i hit 34 weeks) she refused me a heating pad for my backache, I can't even remember what all it has been with her, and MOST recently... as of 30 minutes ago and a LONG conversation with her about "WHY won't you be induced?" and "well, will you READ our research?" (like I haven't read a TON of research) She asked my WHY oh WHY won't you be induced? I proceeded to tell her that if everything is going well, and my baby doesn't want to be born at 34 weeks, who am I to FORCE her out with a drug like pitocin? She's obviously not ready. She's also not in danger, I don't believe. WHY would I want to do that to me, to her, to OUR birth? I told her of my fears of pitocin, my fears of that leading to epidural, and THAT leading to an un-neccessarian... You know what she says to me?
"well, we could use OTHER drugs besides pitocin.... we could use CYTOTEC."




































I told her that cytotec was the LAST thing I was going to be putting into my body at this stage in the game. I actually laughed when she said "cytotec".
Now mind you, she has NEVER at any point been a b!3*h to me, or rude, but she has most certainly been... persistant.








She wanted to know why I am staying in the hospital then, if I refuse any and all medical treatment... I told her:
"I live an hour away from the hospital in a VERY rural area (no neighbors for a couple of miles). I spend 10-12 hrs. a day HOME ALONE. IF something were to happen, I do not feel comfortable at this stage (and especially not from 31 weeks) to be in that situation and have a fast or problematic birth. I wanted to be close enough to a NICU that I KNEW my baby would get the best care possible, if she chose to come early and needed the help. And that at 36 weeks, the fear of potentially delivering fast and/or alone doesn't nearly frighten me as much, because then the chance of my baby having "trouble" (respiratory distress) drops to 2%.
I think it surprised her that I WAS in fact, here for LOGICAL SAFETY REASONS. She doesn't realize that my refusal of most things medical are ALSO for reasons of SAFETY... Because to her, INTERVENTION=SAFEST. To me, it's just not that simple.








No, most people would have caved to SOMETHING at this point... am i a fool? time will tell... i am NOT a research paper tho, this i know... I'm not a statistic, I am not another number.
I'm all for "modern medicine" and I find it absolutely fascinating the things we can do and the people we can save... when it is NECESSARY. I am NOT for "modern medicine" JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE IT. I am not for Medicine in the name of $$$$$$$$$$$$ NO treatment is too expensive if you need it, and NO treatment can be GIVEN to me just because it's free or "protocol". EVERY case should be looked at as it's own... most women go into labor when they have pPROM within 4 days... 96% of them. I'm not one of them.







MOST women will "let them" induce them when they reach 34 weeks... I'm not MOST women. How many, I mean REALLY how many women do they "research" that are going a more natural route? My guess is NONE OF THEM. My guess is that of the women that DO have really bad outcomes (maternal or fetal death after pPROM that do not get induced at 34 weeks) have some other factors involved... I DON'T KNOW. I might be one of those women someday... I DON'T KNOW.
I do know that they see the medical side of it ALWAYS... they have probably NEVER seen the natural approach in their studies and research... and I do mean NEVER... they don't hear about the women who stay home and deliver at term JUST FINE. (even at 32/33/34/35/36 weeks) They don't SEE women refuse tests. They don't SEE women refuse "doctors recommendations". They see WORST CASE SCENARIOS from frightened women who eventually cave.
I refuse to look that hard to find "WHAT'S WRONG?"... I'd rather, instead, focus on "WHAT'S RIGHT?"
I am not here to "change their opinion" of natural pregnancy and birth. I don't think that "ONE LUCKY CASE" is going to make them see anything differently. I am, however, pretty sure, that if it turns out "bad" that it will go down as one of their statistics to support their interventions. Which is a shame. They do and always will rely on "research" and "statistics" to base their decisions on... I think it will be a cold day in hell before they integrate the magick of nature with the useful technology they have access to. I'm not here to promote anything or sway anyone. I'm here for my baby's safety. IF and I do say IF I make it to 36 weeks. I'm going home...

UNLESS there is some feeling or reason I feel I should not.









Ok, that was a little wordy, but yeah... that's what I think... and no it's not easy.


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## feebeeglee (Nov 30, 2002)

Julie I just gave birth to my sixth child a week ago, an unplanned assisted hospital birth due to malpresentation (resolved, and she was born about a minute after we got to the hosp.)

I don't think they had EVER seen anyone like me there. We refused EVERYTHING and left "AMA"







about 4 hours after she was born. I roll my eyes because of course we planned to never be there at all!

Here's a brief version of it: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=833892

You keep your power of NO, mama. You can do it!


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
"well, will you READ our research?" (like I haven't read a TON of research)

Well, I'm weird, but I'd say "Sure! Bring it to me." Then I'd read it, and explain why it's not applicable, or inconclusive, or poorly controlled, or whatever. (I'd also poke around Google Scholar for research that supports my course of action.)

The truth is, doctors don't usually know how to interpret research. This is not something they really spend time on in school. I think it's one of the reasons modern medical care is floundering so badly... we've always trained doctors by trying to pack into their brains EVERYTHING we can think of about the human body and its pathology, but these days "what we know" changes so rapidly that the curriculum can't even keep up, much less the doctors in the field. We'd benefit greatly by spending less time teaching "This condition -> that treatment" and instead, teaching research skills, critical thinking and interpretation, etc.

Sorry to just jump in with that ;-) been following your story, and I'm glad they're not threatening legal action etc. on you! Good luck, mama!


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

whew you are really hanging in there and teaching alot too---

when DH was in the hospital droves of students were swamping me-- after about the 5th time I repeated the story and info- I said who are you and why am I repeating this to you? is there no continuity of care here? and the traffic really slowed down after that-- some are just out fishing for experience, they need to do any and all of the procedures and so are going to be asking not so much for your and yours but to get that learning opportunity --- so good and bad you have some docs that keep coming back because you do want someone who keeps track from day to day

so how are you feeling? how has the food worked out?

take care


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mwherbs* 
so how are you feeling? how has the food worked out?

I feel just great & the food is good, (i get choices and can ask for specifics) it's just getting somewhat repetitive. I have the occasional outside meal brought in, and this is such a huge complex I am in, we can take one of the tunnels to one of the other hospitals with other food.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *feebeeglee* 
Here's a brief version of it: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=833892
You keep your power of NO, mama. You can do it!

OH! I read that story a day or so ago! WAY TO GO!!!








It IS rather unnerving for them, I think. They honestly believe I haven't thought about the "what if's"... 'til we have a convo...







they still don't like it, but at least they realize I HAVE given consideration to the "possibilities".

Speaking of malpresentation: After all this bloody show and contrations without active labor... I've wondered myself if there is "something" holding her up... I've alternated between "she just needs more time, and in the MEANTIME my body is getting SO READY."
and
"maybe she needs more re-arranging."







Maybe her head is engaged, but she's got her arms out to the sides like a tantrum throwing toddler attempting to hold itself in a doorway while you drag them away.








She's DEFINITELY head down, but past that...








I honestly don't know what is holding her in at this point.








I keep reminding myself that she's "only" 34.5 weeks... even tho my BODY is pretty ready to toss her out, she's just not ready to leave.









thanks mamas for your support in my unconventional ways


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## mrsfussypants (Apr 10, 2007)

Holy cannoli. Cytotec? Honestly....

Trust your heart. And go get a good trashy novel, dive in, and escape.

And know that we all are sending you virtual hugs.


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## dogmom327 (Apr 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
Well, I'm weird, but I'd say "Sure! Bring it to me." Then I'd read it, and explain why it's not applicable, or inconclusive, or poorly controlled, or whatever. (I'd also poke around Google Scholar for research that supports my course of action.)

I'd totally do the same thing...here's to being a total nerd!









Julie, you are right that you won't be changing their minds on anything but...maybe it will be a bit easier for the next natural-birthing mama they encounter. Maybe next time they encounter someone who doesn't want their baby drug out of them they'll remember that crazy mama and how well it worked out for her


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

I just love your explanation of what the docs have been putting you through, gives me a much better idea of what in reality each day you go through. I'd love to hear more...when ever you have time.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Well, today is the day.







I'm sitting in L&D... still pretty mellow, but I'm here.

I have JUST NOW been told I am GBS+ after being tested 3.5 weeks ago and thinking the entire time I've been here that I was clear.









I have refused abx so far, any advice or experience is appreciated!!! If I'm not able (I'm still in good shape and just killing time atm) then I'll have dh get on and see some answers.

I've been told I can't eat anything but clear fluids.
dh went and got me a sandwich.









wish me luck mamas... i told dh that if they pissed me off too bad, i'd go deliver in the car in the parking lot and then rush the baby up if she needed help.







(let's hope it doesn't come to that







)


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Sending ELV







: your way mama. I will pray she comes out screaming and you are home in a day or 2.

I would think that after all this time with broken water they would have at least mentioned the GBS+







: I have heard of them keeping a baby in observatioon for days and giving it abx if the mama was gbs+ and didnt get the abx. I would ask them what their policy is and if that is the case then I would personally take the abx instead of having them pumped into your dd.


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## CallMeMommy (Jun 15, 2005)

Didn't they already pump you full of antibiotics when you were admitted? What the H is going on with these people?


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CallMeMommy* 
Didn't they already pump you full of antibiotics when you were admitted?

yeah, DIFFERENT ones.







: but not the one they want to give for the GBS+ for that, they wanna give pennicillin... i'm not severly allergic, but i do break out and itch... i'm afraid that one of these days, it's not going to be that simple...

seems they'd rather us get some sort of super bug infection, instead of risk the unlikely chance that the baby will actually get sick.








From what I understand, the baby will be worse off FOR getting the abx, instead of the wait and see approach and THEN treat...
confirm/deny


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

my contractions are 6-10 mins apart, and as long as I'm upright, they are downright pleasant... the minute I lay down to try to rest... OUCH!!! They easily become a 5 or 6 on the owie scale.
I guess I'll sit up... those ones are a 2.








I sure could use a nap... I have been up since midnight. It's almost 8am here.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:

i'm not severly allergic, but i do break out and itch
No way would I get the penicilin then, if it makes you itch then you are allergic and as such each time you are exposed you risk having a major anaphalactic reaction. And from here on out make sure that you put down on any medical paper work that you are penicilin allergic. It is not worth the risk you could react and die in minutes literally.

Ok enough scaring you







: I am going to guess that you will have her at 2pm my time







and she will weigh a hefty 5pds 2oz

I am assuming you are still refusing vaginal exams??


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## SamuraiMom (Nov 7, 2006)

You are so super awesome Julie, such a strong woman!!! I'll be thinking about you today and hope everything goes smoothly.


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## rixafreeze (Apr 30, 2006)

I have several links to alternatives to abx for GBS here.

Perhaps you could see if they'd be willing to do the vaginal wash (basically you squirt yourself with chlorhexidine, kind of like you do with a peri bottle after the baby's born).


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Happy birthing day.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

Big hugs mama! We recommend our clients do the Hibiclens wash if they don't want to do abx. I don't know about doing it since your water is broken though..... Was the last test done 3.5 wks ago? You could request another one. You can refuse the abx and just request added observation and maybe a blood test on the baby to rule out elevated white blood cell counts?

Best wishes for a beautiful, peaceful labor and birth for you. You are so strong and such an inspiration!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

I've made my own choices, and so far, they have kept me sane. No one here can guarantee me anything, so all I can do is do it MY way, the best way I can.








:

Best wishes and happy birthing!!! Can't wait to hear all about it


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Happy and safe Birthing, Julie!


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## laralee16 (Nov 12, 2005)

Good luck!!!


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Julie - I'm so excited & can't wait to meet this lo









As far as GBS, with my 1st 2 babies I delivered with a CNM in a hospital & that didn't even test for GBS b/c the risk of baby contracting it is so low. There was no problem with an unknown GBS status & early discharge (this was in the very conservative state of AL.) Fastforward to my 4th pg & I transferred from a hb (in another state) with a GBS unknown (I refused the test) & they would NOT let me leave early b/c they had to "monitor" the baby for signs. I fought & they threatened CPS so in the end I stayed the d**n 48 hrs. What are your plans as far as going home if this lo comes out needing no special care what so ever? If it is likely you might head home before the 48 hrs I would find out their policy on GBS + babes. (I know there is something else they can give other than penicilin but not sure what it is.) If you think with her being an early bird that you will stay at least the 48 hrs I would forgo the meds. GL!!!!!


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
I have JUST NOW been told I am GBS+ after being tested 3.5 weeks ago and thinking the entire time I've been here that I was clear.









I have refused abx so far, any advice or experience is appreciated!!! If I'm not able (I'm still in good shape and just killing time atm) then I'll have dh get on and see some answers.

GBS is a much bigger risk to preemies (prior to 37 weeks gestation) than to full-term babies. Although I'm refusing the culture and the antibiotics in general, if I were sitting in your place, I'd get them. Transmission rates are a bit higher (though it's unclear from the CDC's data just how much higher), but the death rate from early-onset GBS for preemies is 22.9% instead of the overall 6.5%.

But, I'm not allergic to penicillin, and you ARE, so you'd need to go with an alternative treatment... there are other antibiotics that are effective against most strains of GBS. See if they still have your culture and can test it for suceptibility really quick? Otherwise, ask them what the next-best alternate is. Also find out if the hibiclens wash is available there (or get your DH to sneak some in? Can get it at the drugstore.)


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

As far as GPS+ goes I think you have to do the natural remedies for that for about a week or so before you give birth. I can't believe they didn't tell you! That's terrible. I don't know... maybe some mamas will come on here who have some fast remedies.

I did want to tell you that all those contractions you had do in fact get their lungs ready early! Make sure they do not cut that cord unless they absolutely have to. I know you know this but I have attended too many hospital births where they found any excuse they could to cut it. Babies can be unwound from MOST cords so tell them you want a good cord unwinder or something.







Your baby deserves a chance to try and breath on her own and as long as she is getting oxygen from the cord they need to leave her and you be. They'll also make up any excuse to bring her to the warmer. Make sure you're naked and tell them to have lots of blankets on hand to throw over her right away. I also just wanted to reassure you that in general girls mature faster than boys and she seems like a real go getter so I'm thinking she's going to do just fine.









I hope you have a beautiful birth and I can't wait to hear the good news!


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

I did find this on another thread about GBS, however I didn't do the research or see any links to studies............

There was a great article in Mothering Mag:
http://www.mothering.com/articles/pr...n/group-b.html

"There are three significant factors that place a woman at increased risk of delivering an infant who becomes ill from GBS: fever during labor, her water breaking 18 hours or more before delivery (prolonged rupture of membranes, or PROM), and/or labor or broken water before 37 weeks gestation.
. . .
In the absence of the first three risk factors (fever during labor, PROM, or labor before 37 weeks), the risk of a newborn developing GBS infection is very small."

GL in your decision & let us know how you are doing.


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

Oh good luck mama!! I'll be keeping you and the baby in my thoughts. I'm looking forward to an update!


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Waiting rather impatiently to hear.







Good Luck!!


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## BinahYeteirah (Oct 15, 2002)

Happy Birthing Day!


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## lunamegn (Nov 30, 2004)

Hi Mama, I've been following your story (don't know why I haven't posted before, but I was thinking about you!). You are so strong. It's hard to listen to that inner voice sometimes with the constant blare of opinions and scary "facts" and "research." I can relate to you but not because I've been in your exact situation, but because of my son. He was my first experience dealing with hospitals and all that go along with it and I've definetly gained a voice I never thought I had and it's made me stronger. We've refused things they want to do to him and while they accept it, they are having a hard time respecting it. But like you said, you are not a research paper. My son is followed by a team at Stanford and I can relate to you seeing many different people - like doctors. I think it's scary to see so many people - it's like that game telephone, where at the end the last person always ends up with a completely different message than the first person started with. It's basically up to you (or in our case, us) to keep everything straight. In the end, all their research and facts might give insight to your situation, it's still not your exact situation. Every person is different. Every situation is different. You've got to go with what feels right (obviously) - it's what we've done and it's hard sometimes to know you're doing the right thing.

Anyway, that was long. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and think you are a strong, smart woman. Happy Birthing Day!


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## MonP'titBoudain (Nov 22, 2005)

Happy Birthing Day! Hope your little girl is as strong as her mama!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

OMG I am SOOOO tired!!! NO baby yet.... both a







and a








I'm sure you all understand both sides of that.
I've been up with serious, regular contractions since midnight. By the time I moved to L&D, had the GBS+ disappointment, waiting on one of the midwives, "allowed" a NST, ASKED for an AFI and paced, and paced and paced and sat on the ball. Unable to lay down and rest for the pain... I finally asked for a speculum exam...
The room filled up with docs to come to agreements with me:
no this, no that, only 2 nst's a week, going home at 36 weeks IF, blah blah blah that i've done since I got here...
They then took out the light and sterile spec....
My cervix is still closed, high and posterior?
WTF?!?!

I'm back in my "regular" room.








After 8 hrs. of CONVINCING regular "labor" They've all but stopped and I'm tired and I'm sore.

The GOOD news is: The baby looks/sounds/feels great. I have PLENTY of water for someone that has no water








and who knows... maybe I WILL get to homebirth in a week and a half AFTERALL.








I can not BELIEVE it.
I bet that if I could crawl off to a private woodpile or closet somewhere... I'd actually go into "real" labor... just like the cats and dogs used to do.








Perhaps she's waiting to go home... oh I hope I don't have to do this until then though... how can I POSSIBLY do this for that long? I will learn to sleep standing up... each time I lay down, HARD, really painful contractions... I get up, they are still there, but not so painful.







:
How will I get sleep that I already so desparately need?

sigh... and I'm still blown away about the GBS+ thing.









has the combination of hospital & docs REALLY made this such a PITA, go nowhere labor? Think I'll deliver 5 minutes after I walk through the door of my house?


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Keep the faith in your body and your baby to know when the time is right. I think being in the hospital probably is making a difference. I hope you get to go home and have your baby there.


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## ~Katie~ (Mar 18, 2007)

She's very determined to come on her own terms isn't she? I hope you're able to get some rest and everything settles down for you, you might just make it home after all!


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## paphia (Jun 22, 2007)

Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling exhausted and I really hope you can get some sleep (I recall sleeping sitting up for 6 weeks pp with dd1 so get enough pillows and it's possible). But I really hope those ctx's continue to do "nothing" (as far as the hossy staff can tell) and you get to go on and have your precious baby at home.

Oh, another idea for rest - try sitting upright on a birth ball and draping your head/arms over the edge of the bed, and maybe you can doze in that position?


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Mama, I know you're frustrated.







You know what, when you've dealt w/PTL issues I think the contractions are more intense. This is how it was for me. Transition was the same as the others but braxton hicks and early labor were much stronger than with my previous births. And yay







now you have time to naturally resolve the GBS+ issue! When you're 35.5 or 36 weeks or whenever it is that you feel comfortable (and wherever) I think all you'll have to do is tell your cervix to open and tell your baby it's safe to come out and she will probably be in your arms in no time.










Oh, and I just wanted to add, do their cool hot water/heating pad whatever it was and really strong chamomile tea so you can try to rest at night.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

Hugs mama! That's so frustrating. Just remember, your cervix status doesn't really mean anything regarding when you are going to deliver. You could fully dilate in a really short period of time. I'm sorry that you are so uncomfortable. I had PTL with my second starting at 20 weeks. I was walking around at 7cms for the last 4 weeks. I had him at 40 weeks. It really blew the nurses' minds at the hospital.







The horror of walking around so dilated and just imagine, the baby didn't fall out...







Trust your body. It's very smart.

Oh, and a FYI, yes, the natural GBS remedies do take a while to work and you really can't stop them or you could be + again. Hibiclens, however, you can do while in labor. It is an antimicrobial wash.

I'm thinking it would be ok to do with your PROM still. Maybe just use sterile water and a sterile douche bag? Especially since your cervix is still closed... Do you want me to post over in birth professionals? I would ask them to retest again since it's been 3 weeks. Your status can change really quickly. I totally understand not wanting to do Penicillin given you've had reactions before. I'm pretty sure there are 3 different abx that can be given if you decide to go that route.

I'm routing for you mama! Hang in there. You are so strong!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cfiddlinmama* 
Just remember, your cervix status doesn't really mean anything regarding when you are going to deliver. You could fully dilate in a really short period of time.

While it's true that cervical dilation means basically nothing as far as when you'll deliver and how long the delivery will be, everything else about the cervix makes a huge difference. If it's long, firm, and posterior there is a lot of work that has to be done before it'll be ready to start dilating.


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

trust your body. your body know how much you can handle. being in a hospital adds tension, even if you are handling it so well. besides, she's waiting to at least 35 weeks (i'm the one who tracks your weeks instead of mine







)

i wonder if you are ambivalent--you want your baby NOW as you are sick of the hospital, and yet you want her to cook a little bit more. the tension that you are going through very possibly contributes to how intense your contractions are. ask your little one to be born at the right time for HER, and see what happens. i was doing this a lot when i was pregnant with DS and with a foot cast. my own dilemma was--is it better to birth with a temporary cast, or in a permanent one







. but i kept asking DS to choose the best time for him. he waited for the permanent cast, and he was right!


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

*hugs* thinking of you, mama


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

Ugh. I am kind of glad that you didn't have the baby. I'm rooting for your HB, but I'm sorry you went through all that. I hope your uterus calms down so you can get some rest.


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Wow, I bet those docs just cant figure out what to make of you








I know this is emotionally draining for you - I wish there were something we could do to help. I would love for you to walk out of there still preggers at 35.5 but I don't want you to have to endure ctxs until then - at least not like the ones you've been having. Lots & lots of







mama. Thanks for keeping us in the know. Did you get to research GBS any?


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## BirthIsAwesome (Nov 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
Think I'll deliver 5 minutes after I walk through the door of my house?









Yep!!!







mamma, you're doing awesome! I know this is a letdown---but look on the bright side, every day your lo stays inside, the more mature and healthy she will be. I feel so sorry that you can't get any sleep. Would they let you take a hot relaxing bath? What about birth ball and knees? (draping your arms and head over the birth ball, in the H&K position) Maybe sitting backwards on a chair, with a pillow to rest your head on?

About GBS+: Since you now have some time, since you're not dilated, you can start some home GBS remedies.
-Raw garlic: have DH bring a bulb of raw garlic and some olive oil. Then peel a clove of garlic, cut it in quarters, dip each piece in some olive oil, and swallow the four pieces. Do this 3x a day.
-Take 1000-2000 mg. of vitamin C 3x a day
-Take Echinacea, 2 capsules 3x a day
-Have DH go to the health food store and buy some Sambucol-it's elderberry syrup and is an AWESOME immune booster. I think the dosage is 2 tsp. 3x a day.

I hope this helps, and that you are getting some rest---hang in there mamma, your baby is thanking you for all you are doing!


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

:









and lots of HUGS!!!

I'm wondering if there's anyway you could maybe sleep on your belly? Like with a massage pillow in yoga childs pose or something like that?


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## mama_nym (Apr 18, 2006)

Lots of hugs and love heading your way!!! I hope you get some much-needed (and very much deserved!!!) rest soon!

Have they done a GBS test recently? Since you can test positive one day and negative another, have you considered asking to be re-tested?

You are such an amazing, inspiriing mama!


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Noticed you haven't logged in today. Hope all is well with you mama!!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

SHE'S HERE!

EMBER LOTUS HALCYON

At 1:45 pm, at 34w6d, born into Mom's hands, then dad's hands... then straight to my chest!!!
EVERYBODY MISSED THE BIRTH BUT US!!!






















(believe me, they soon followed!!!)
5lbs. 1oz.
She's a picture of health!!!!
NO NICU!!!!
NO problems WHAT SO EVER!!!!

There's quite a story to this day... and belive me, when all my visitors get out of here, YOU WONDERFUL MAMAS WILL HEAR ALL ABOUT IT!!!

I'm fine! Baby is fine! ALL IS WELL!!!!


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Congratulations!!!!

What a hefty baby too - a 5 pound preemie - you did wonderful mama!


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## onlyboys (Feb 12, 2004)

Yay! Welcome Ember!


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## dogmom327 (Apr 19, 2007)

What wonderful news! Welcome Ember!!!!


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## Mrs-Mama (Jul 2, 2007)

Can't wait to read the whole story! Welcome baby!!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

OMG YAY!!!









It sounds like it was *perfect*!! I am SO happy for you. Welcome to the world baby girl!

Congratulations mommy!


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## Intertwined (Jun 29, 2005)

Holy COW! I just read your post from yesterday about high and tight and then THIS on the next page! Congratulations Mama! YOU DID IT!


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## mama_in_PA (Nov 30, 2007)

Been lurking waiting to see what would happen.







:

I wonder, how the heck did you manage a UC birth at a hospital? That's just awesome! I'm so happy for you and your family. You're definitely an inspiration.


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

Yeah for a hospital UC! Welcome Ember! I'm so glad she is doing well. I can't wait to hear the details.


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## ~Katie~ (Mar 18, 2007)

Ember!!!!
Woohoo! I'm so happy for you mama, congratulations!


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

yay!! shes big!! Congratulations to your whole family...


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## Spark (Nov 21, 2001)

WAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!








Welcome, Little (BIG!) Ember!!!!!









Way to go, Mama!!!









On the edge of my birth ball waiting for this story!!! A hospital UC!


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## mrsfussypants (Apr 10, 2007)

YAY!!!! Congratulations, mama and baby!







:


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

WELCOME BABY EMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so happy everything is great & most of all no NICU!!!!!!!

Like pp's, can't wait to hear how you had a hospital UC!!!!!

Get some rest mama & enjoy holding your lo


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

OMFG I just saw this! Congratulations Julie and Mark! Welcome to the world, Ember! I'm looking forward to reading you birth story WHENEVER you feel like writing it and can read between the lines enough to have some idea of what must have happened! You're so lucky to have been able to catch your own baby; I'm afraid I'm just not "there" with trusting myself enough to do that (well, maybe next baby if I can still conceive when I'm 45 or 46) and admire you so much.


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## dani76 (Mar 24, 2004)

Congratulations! Welcome baby Ember!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

OMG!!! Wow!!! This is the best news I've heard all year


















Welcome to the world, sweet baby Ember!!!


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## *mama moose* (Oct 12, 2006)

I'm just a lurker, but, CONGRATS!!!









I've been following this thread and I was so excited to read she was born and is doing well! Can't wait to read the birth story


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

OMG OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!! how AWESOME!!! can't wait to read the story!!!!


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## *mama moose* (Oct 12, 2006)

double post, sorry!


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

CONGRATULATIONS! Beautiful name!







Can't wait to hear the story!


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## toddlermama16 (Jun 21, 2005)

Wow, congratulations! Welcome, baby Ember.







I've been checking on this thread from time to time and thinking about you. That's incredible that you were able to be so strong during all those weeks leading up to the birth. Especially in a hospital setting!

Sounds like you rocked their world, mama!


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Yay!!! Congrats to your entire family.


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## MonP'titBoudain (Nov 22, 2005)

That's awesome! I'm _SO_ glad no NICU and no interventions!! Go Mama! And congratulations on a journey completed and one begun!


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

I am SO happy!!!

I can't wait to hear the whole story


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## Mumse (May 23, 2007)

Salt Phoenix, you are MY HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

Congratulations Julie!!!!! Oh I am so excited for you, welcome Ember!!!


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## wombjuice (Feb 22, 2007)

OMG!









OMG OMG OMG!!

A HOSPITAL UC!! I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER HEARD THIS BEFORE!!! I am literally laughing with excitement!!









Julie, you are so freakin awesome!!! Welcome baby Ember!! Congratulations Mama!! OMG, how totally cool!!























Cannot WAIT to hear more, but you just relax and enjoy your baby! How wonderful!! Sooooo happy for you!!!!!


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## bloominmamas (Apr 17, 2007)

That so totally rocks mama! Congrats! You have sooo much to be happy and proud of! Yay!!


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## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

Fabulous news!!! Congrats on your sweet baby and beating the odds at the hospital! I've been silently following your story and rooting for you the whole time.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

Jumping for joy at this AWESOME news!







:

Welcome baby Ember (gorgeous name!) I'm so happy for you - she's an awesome size too!

Oh congratulations! This made my day!







:


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

YAY!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so so happy for you all! And so glad no NICU--yippeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Joyce in the mts. (Jan 12, 2003)

I've been reading this thread daily and sharing it with my husband too. He'll be happy to hear about Ember's safe/healthy arrival.

We've both been impressed by how things have unfolded and your determination to keep your power intact.

Blessed Be!








J.


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## BlueMoonBean (Nov 21, 2005)

De-lurking to say:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

I've been following your story and you've truly been an inspiration to me! Can't wait to hear all the details!

Hooray Ember!







: Yea Mama!


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## melanie_rabbitbarn (Mar 28, 2007)

I've been following your thread for a while. I've been very interested since I am at the same point in pregnancy that you were (35 weeks today). So glad you have been able to fend off the medical staff and have a great birth by yourselves! Hope you and baby Ember are both doing great and get to go home soon! Congratulations!


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## munkeesmama (May 17, 2005)

she's gorgeous! congrats mama, can' wait to hear her birth story!


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I have also been lurking.

Congratulations!!!!!! Welcome Ember!!! She's beautiful.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

What a perfect UC!







Congratulations!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I can't believe I PMed you suggesting a TENS machine for prodromal labour







Congratulations, and please, write that birth story now. Tonight. She sounds wonderful


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## steph117 (Jul 12, 2007)

: CONGRATS, CONGRATS, CONGRATS! What an amazing story (even without the details - which I look forward to reading)! And what a little SWEETIE Ember is - love that hair!

Yay!!!! You did an amazing job in fending off unnecessary interventions to have an amazing birth in Ember's own time. Happy babymoon mama


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Oh my goodness!!! SHE IS GORGEOUS! She looks like a doll.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:

5lbs. 1oz.








to the world little one. I totally missed the date but I was only a oz off on the weight.









I am dieing to read the birth story. I hope you have time to write it soon or at least the short version.


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## stretch358 (Nov 5, 2007)

Congratulations, she is beautiful.


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## mama_nym (Apr 18, 2006)

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! Welcome to the world, Ember! Happy Babymoon! (Another who can't wait to read your birth story!!!)


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

So, I only read this thread today, talk about awesome.

Then I read your babies name and I almost cried......... Its BEAUTIFUL, like full on beautiful.......

Congratulations!!!!!


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## tbavrbab (Dec 4, 2006)

Congratulations!!

She is stunning!

My son was 34w6d too! But he was a nice 5lbs. 13oz.







:

VERY excited to read your birth story!


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## BirthIsAwesome (Nov 14, 2007)

AWESOME!!!!!!! I am SO excited for you!







to the world baby Ember!
I can't wait to hear the story--a UC in the hospital--YIPPEE!!!!!

Congrats on a beautiful daughter to you and DH!!!


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## greenmom4 (Dec 19, 2007)

Yay! Congratulations to you and welcome, baby Ember!









And I'm also lmao - a hospital UC?! How karmic!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Oh wow, I just clicked on her pic.... that is just about the most precious baby I have ever seen! Oh my goodness. She's beautiful! She's a very special girl. Your whole family is adorable too, btw.


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## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

*impatiently taps fingers on desk*









...just waiting for that FREAKING AWESOME birth story!

way to go, mama! can't wait to hear how it went!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mrs. Jesus* 
*impatiently taps fingers on desk*









...just waiting for that FREAKING AWESOME birth story!

way to go, mama! can't wait to hear how it went!

tell me about it! i think the mdc server is so busy today because everyone keeps checking on Julie and Ember!


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## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moodymaximus* 
tell me about it! i think the mdc server is so busy today because everyone keeps checking on Julie and Ember!









I know, right!?!


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Real nice. She has her baby and totally abandons us!!







:








KIDDING!!


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## FancyD (Apr 22, 2005)

Look at that hair!







Congrats!


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## treehugginhippie (Nov 29, 2004)

Another lurker...

She's perfect!!! Congrats! You are such an inspiration


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FancyD* 
Look at that hair!







Congrats!

am i the only one who missed the picture? where? where? in the siggy????


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FancyD* 
Look at that hair!







Congrats!

am i the only one who missed the picture? where? where? in the siggy???? i thought all of you were saying she was beautiful based on her good weight!







but the hair comment threw me off.


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## FancyD (Apr 22, 2005)

Yup, in her sig.


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## mom2_3birds (Aug 31, 2006)

Can't wait to see the whole store!!! Beautiful little girl! YEH NO NICU!!!!


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## Sandi13 (Jan 29, 2008)

Congrats!!!


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

Another lurker who's been following the thread - Congratulations! Can't wait to hear the story!


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## foogoomomma (Jan 12, 2008)

I've been keeping up on you 2 too! Congratulations.. I don't even know you and I feel so proud for you!! Well done Mama!


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FancyD* 
Yup, in her sig.

found it! what a beautiful baby!


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## artemis80 (Sep 8, 2006)

OMG! Delurking to say congrats!!! And she has my b-day.

I can't wait to read the whole story!!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Oh mamas... I don't even know where to begin... seriously...
Her birthday was so filled with what my husband can only describe as serendipidous events (hell, i couldn't even get THAT far in my words to describe) that I am seriously having some issues processing the night and days events that led up to that beautiful and perfect little girl.

I will give you some more pictures to look at, and tell you some basic facts, but how it all played out, is still getting pieced together...

Basic facts:
monday night/tuesday early am: severe contractions that kept me up all night AGAIN.
Early morning heavy red bleeding that indicated an abrupting placenta.
Being convinced I was headed for a c-section anyway, surprised they would still "allow" me to try for an unmedicated vaginal birth.
Going from the same 2 cm. I had been for DAYS to 6 cm in 2 hrs.
Finding a rare and unusual few minutes when the 8 people that were in the room just moments before, happened to be GONE. Ob's, midwives, family members...
Apparently going from that 6cm to fully dialated in... literally minutes...
Reaching down and feeling her little furry head in my palm in one push, feeling her crown in the second, and then with all my might, letting her entire body out of me, until she was just out of reach... I looked up and saw dh reaching for her, and I then let go of her head and lay back on the bed, knowing she wasn't going to fall on the floor or anything else, I could finally and ultimately and fully, relax for the first time in over a month.
Everyone rushed in immediately. But I already had her to my chest, and I was given amazing skin to skin mama time with her before they needed to get her rubbed up and going.
She had a true knot in her cord.
My placenta (after this "abruption") was then retained. I was able to stave off intervention for almost an hour and I started to hemmorage. I did nipple stim, squatted, everything... The midwife then went in and manually removed it. I got a little dizzy, but never went out. I lost 2 liters of blood.
There is so much more to the story, so many little details that I will NOT forget to include (dh & well baby nursery excitement) and even NOW still fending off things they want to do to our perfect little baby...
And wow, I do mean perfect. She's breathing, she's nursing, she's warm, she's chunky, all without NICU. I am honestly and amazingly astounded...

The ob's i've dealt with for a month now all came in and laughed and laughed, saying, "we might have known you'd end up delivering your own baby! we just thought you'd bar the door to do it!" All in good humor and as much astonishment that everything so far, is as perfect as it is. I had to give them grief though. Reminding them that if I delievered on THEIR time schedule, it would not have been with the same perfect results... that we were "able" to squeeze just the right amount of time out of her.
The midwife teased US about "I don't even know why I came to work today!"

All in all, there is still an amazing story to be told, and how everything lined up the way it did is still reeling in my head. JUST how close I was to an epidural, JUST how close I was to a c-section, JUST how differently things COULD have gone. If we had tried to plan it, it would have never worked... as it was, it really was, and dh expressed in just one word: Serendipidous.

More to come mamas.... thank you more than words will EVER express, for all your cheering and support... It's meant the world to me.








Oh, and I'm doing well... Extra tired, sore, typical post partum recovery stuff, no transfusions or anything. I'm glad I was healthy to start with! ;-)






















Thanks again mamas, more to come!


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

What an incredible story! I've been following your thread for several days but haven't posted before







Congratulations! She's beautiful!


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

she's so precious!

You look like one proud mommy!

I'm SO glad that it turned out well for you!


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## BinahYeteirah (Oct 15, 2002)

Congratulations!!! She is so beautiful and her name fits. What a great story. I am so happy everything turned out so well.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

What a wonderful ending to your amazing journey to give Ember the absolute best start in life. You are an inspiration. Congratulations!


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## mrsfussypants (Apr 10, 2007)

Wow! Speechless.


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## steph117 (Jul 12, 2007)

What an incredible story...serendipitous indeed! And congrats again on being such a strong mama & holding out to let little Ember come out on her own time. Just incredible.

& those pictures? Omigosh...totally delicious!







They made me get all teary


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## moodymaximus (Nov 13, 2007)

What a great story! and I LOVE that "first suck" photo! Amazing energy in there!


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## paphia (Jun 22, 2007)

:

Congrats again!


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## clutterbug (Apr 6, 2007)

Coming out of lurkdom to wish you a heartfelt congratulations! I have been reading your thread for a while and have been so inspired by your stick-to-it-iveness in listening to your body and your baby  Way to go, momma!


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

Wow that's amazing!! Congratulations! She is beautiful!!!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

lol, yeah, we didn't get any actual birth pictures, we were fresh out of photographers at the time and we were both a little busy.
















we would have needed some pretty fast film, I guarantee that...


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

Wow that is simply amazing!! I am so happy for you. How amazing it all worked out....wow!

Webshots is backing up their server at the moment so I have to *wait* to see the pics. Grumble. Hopefully they don't take to long.


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

I am speechless, just speechless and oh so very happy for you mama!!!!!!!!

You listened to your body, you listened to your baby (through much opposition) & you got a beautiful birth & a beautiful & healthy baby girl!!!!!

Again, I am so happy for you


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## aswbarry (Jan 31, 2005)

Been lurking and following your story. Congratulations mama!

Beautiful baby and beautiful birth story- oh what a birth story you have to tell her!


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

Beautiful pictures, beautiful story.

It is always amazing how things turn out when you just let it happen and don't try to over plan.


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
lol, yeah, we didn't get any actual birth pictures, we were fresh out of photographers at the time and we were both a little busy.
















we would have needed some pretty fast film, I guarantee that...

















you and me both!


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## Shanana (May 11, 2005)

I finally realized that a thread with this many views and this many pages had to be about more than just "springing a leak". And boy, was I right







!! What a fascinating story I have just read about a very strong and courageous woman, and I am so pleased to hear how well things have turned out!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

congratulations


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

more than just "springing a leak"
Yeah, she sprung the whole baby


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

Congrats!!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Xposted in March DDC:

I'm finally out of the hospital and being pampered at my moms house. I still feel pretty tired and weak from the blood loss and stress of those last few days in the hospital, (did i mention i HATE hospitals?) but my girly parts can't even tell they've given birth recently... she was just so darned small! My uterus is really sore from the manual removal of the placenta, and my boobs are pretty engorged and sore. I pump often and nurse her often, but there is still plenty to go around. lol.

I feel like I have "lost" an entire week by "wasting" it in the hospital... such an awful place to spend those first days with your baby... I was pretty hammered and strung out by the time we left. Feeling MUCH more taken care of the entire month I was there than the last 2 days.

Sadness for me, as we accidently left the placenta at the hospital in the fridge, but by the time we went back for it, it was gone. They tossed it out almost immediately.








I am unsure as to how I'm going to come to terms with that... that darned placenta has been nothing but trouble... first, an abruption, THEN retained and hemmorage... THEN they just THROW it OUT?!

Everyone says, "but at least you got to bring home your baby."
If I had been home, I wouldn't be mourning the loss of our placenta. I realize that this seems really petty in the big picture... but dammit... i'm post partum... I have two homebirth girls with two flourishing trees and placentas buried beneath them and wonderful memories of thanks and release with them... and one hospital girl that I fought and fought and won her a "perfect birth" with, and it was as if the hospital just needed one last jab at me...perhaps the only one they REALLY got, afterall...








no placenta to come to terms with, and to release in a way that seemed right... the garbage can doesn't seem appropriate... *unless you associate it with what hospitals think of our bodies and our births*... that doesn't help ME come to terms...









Mama's help me get past the loss of it? I honestly feel like something was taken from me/us. And just tossed in the garbage to boot...









On the upside, Ember seems very happy and healthy. We feed her tons of breast milk with a syringe and finger, as she's not entirely convinced her mouth will fit over my nipples, but other times, she takes the breast with the vigor of a full-term baby. I'm told over time, she'll adjust and get better at it. I'll be glad to be nursing full time, as the finger supplementation is awfully awkward and time consuming. I'm glad dh likes the job. He's good at it too.

I have some healing to do yet, both physically and emotionally... but I can assure you, looking at this beautiful and perfect little girl all day does wonders for that!


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

So glad to hear that you're home and healthy!

Want my pop psychology? Of course you do.

I think losing the placenta is a symbol of everything that went wrong with this birth, and all of your feelings regarding the hospital. You lost your homebirth, you had to fight daily for some measure of the sort of birth that you'd dreamed of, and in the end, you got it... but that doesn't quite make it as good as a wonderful birth that just _happens_. You were consistently disrespected; your feelings, your knowledge, your body, your health.

So, I think that them throwing out your placenta was one more case of them disrespecting your wishes, and you losing a little piece of the birth you'd envisioned. Of course you're upset about that. I would be surprised if you just shrugged it off!

But try to remember that this placenta IS part of the bigger picture. The picture where you were treated like crap. So when you cry over the placenta, remember that you're crying over ALL of it: the hospital stay, the staff, the NST's, the emotions surrounding it all.

If anything, you won't feel so pathetic.









And... you ARE post-partum. Cry, whine and complain. You're totally allowed.


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## Stacymom (Jul 7, 2002)

Julie, first of all, congratulations on such a fantastic birth! I was thrilled to read your story, knowing that it was probably as close to a perfect birth as you could get in the hospital!

And I'm sorry about your placenta- that would be a hard one for me too.









I'm glad you're being taken care of too- it must feel so good to get out of the hospital!

Call me if you need anything when you get home!


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## feebeeglee (Nov 30, 2002)

Well hell, I'd feel bereft too if I was you! I'm sorry they threw it away


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## fruitful womb (Nov 20, 2004)

Wow, she is gorgeous! You are so amazing girl! Thank you for the incredible inspiration! Enjoy your babymoon!!! Congratulations!!!


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *danotoyou2* 
So glad to hear that you're home and healthy!

Want my pop psychology? Of course you do.

I think losing the placenta is a symbol of everything that went wrong with this birth, and all of your feelings regarding the hospital. You lost your homebirth, you had to fight daily for some measure of the sort of birth that you'd dreamed of, and in the end, you got it... but that doesn't quite make it as good as a wonderful birth that just _happens_. You were consistently disrespected; your feelings, your knowledge, your body, your health.

So, I think that them throwing out your placenta was one more case of them disrespecting your wishes, and you losing a little piece of the birth you'd envisioned. Of course you're upset about that. I would be surprised if you just shrugged it off!

But try to remember that this placenta IS part of the bigger picture. The picture where you were treated like crap. So when you cry over the placenta, remember that you're crying over ALL of it: the hospital stay, the staff, the NST's, the emotions surrounding it all.

If anything, you won't feel so pathetic.









And... you ARE post-partum. Cry, whine and complain. You're totally allowed.


De-Lurking here.

I think this a really pessimistic way to view the whole thing and as such I don't see how it could be helpful. I've been reading this thread every day from the very beginning because I think that the story is completely inspiring. Yes, salt phoenix wanted a homebirth, but ultimately she fought for and did what was right for her baby. I was always so impressed by her descriptions of how she declined the kind of crap that hopsital staff wanted to do... and probably because I know that I'm the kind of person who doesn't stand as firm when backed into a corner. I think that this particular birth story is one of incredible strength and determination and love... and I think that to encourage salt phoenix to mourn what happened to her in the hospital detracts from all the positives.

To Salt Phoenix,
While I don't share the same desire to keep my placenta, I can definitely understand why it is affecting you the way it is. Especially considering that you have placentas and trees planted from your previous two children. I'm really sorry for that loss. Is there something else that you can do and still plant a tree for Ember... it might not be the same as burying the placenta... but maybe you could find something symbolic. Or maybe you could create a different ritual when you plant the tree that would help bring closure to your birth story... a ritual that is different from your previous births, that is... Because, honestly, Ember's birth was different from your previous two and I think that this birth story is special and inspiring, even if it wasn't what you had in mind.... and I think that Ember deserves a tree that is planted in a way that is as unique and special and inspiring as her birth story.

Anyway, all this is to say that I think there is so much about Ember's birth story that is wonderful and positive. I think that you have shown such amazing strength and love for your baby... and I think that you have been wonderfully positive about a situation that so many people would feel traumatized by. You are definitely an inspiration for other mama's and mama's to be out there.

Congratulations on a beautiful baby girl!


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

Wow, congratulations!!!!

I'm so sorry about your placenta. That's really sad. I wonder if you can come up with an alternate type of ceremony or something else meaningful to you and dh to symbolize the connection with and honor of the placenta? I'm not coming up with anything off the bat (sleepy morning brain) but I think there are things you could do. You might also come up with something for yourself to honor your own sense of loss over it. A wonderful mom I met recently had a traumatic first birth and had a ceremony where she wrote down all her traumas, floated them in water and lit them on fire.

Keep doing what you're doing with the breastfeeding! I can SO feel your pain about finger-feeding--it seems to take forever and your arm is all crooked in a weird position. But I think it really does help them learn to suck and doesn't interfere with bf'ing the way bottles can. Do you have a Hazelbaker or a finger syringe? I think a Hazelbaker is easier. Also I'm sure you've tried this but thought I'd mention it--have you tried squishing your nipple (some call it a nipple "sandwich") to make it easier for her to latch?

Best wishes with everything and thanks for your inspiring and amazing story!


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

I'm sorry you didn't get to keep your placenta. I didn't choose to do that, but i can see how it could be part of mourning the experience you wanted to have. I certainly know what that is like. I'm so glad you were able to bring your daughter home right away. My first had trouble latching and I used a preemie size nipple shield to help her for about her first two weeks. She was a 5 pound 4 ounce 36 weeker, who dropped to 4 pounds 11 ounces after her birth. However she quickly started gaining again and was 10 pounds 8 ounces after 2 months, and went on to nurse successfully for 4 years. Those early sleepy babies are hard to get going on the breast sometimes, but you can do it!


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

thank you mamas for your ideas and support. I will most definitely come up with some way to both mourn the loss of the placenta and still honor the process. I would like to make it a positive ritual, but right now, I can't help feeling like garbage... I mean, it was the ultimate symbolic act of what they REALLY think of me and my way of wanting to birth.







I am going to give it time. I want to come up with some way to come out of this feeling more positive than I do right now, and hopefully even more empowered. I may have come through the long hospital stay somewhat strong, but from her birth until we left the hospital, nearly broke me to pieces. I didn't feel respected or cared for at ALL, and the placenta thing was nearly the straw that broke the camel; iykwim
I need time to rebuild and reconsider. That month long event took nearly everything I had, now all I wanna do is love on my little baby. I don't have the energy to carry that other stuff right now. I'll tend it in the future, but for now, I need to focus on HER and ME...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nan'sMom* 
Keep doing what you're doing with the breastfeeding! I can SO feel your pain about finger-feeding--it seems to take forever and your arm is all crooked in a weird position. But I think it really does help them learn to suck and doesn't interfere with bf'ing the way bottles can. Do you have a Hazelbaker or a finger syringe? I think a Hazelbaker is easier. Also I'm sure you've tried this but thought I'd mention it--have you tried squishing your nipple (some call it a nipple "sandwich") to make it easier for her to latch?

I don't have any special equipment. A pump and some 10CC syringes. Reminds me of all the orphaned animals I've taken in during my life, constant hand feeding of a helpless little thing.








I do think the finger feeding is helping her more than a bottle would, even though it is akward and time consuming. She has quite the suck! Not weak at all! It's just going to take time for her to learn how to get my nipple that far back in her mouth. She nurses really well in spurts, so I'm always confused when she won't take it at other times.







Time... again, more time.
I'm just so excited to see her thriving and content and warm and happy. She gets that milk-drunk look when I hold her close and she has a full tummy, even when she's not latched on, and it melts my heart.


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## Mrs-Mama (Jul 2, 2007)

on the loss of the placenta







I know it pales in comparison, but could you plant her umbilical cord stump when it falls off? At least it would be something.


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## Codi's Mama (Jun 15, 2006)

Just read the birth story! Congratulations! You rock! What an awesome job you did standing up for what you wanted. I'm so glad everything turned out so great for you! Ember (love the name) is soo gorgeous!

Congratulations!


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

I'm sorry to hear the placenta got tossed away when you wanted to keep it :-/.

But, here's a way of looking at it... your first two girls had these beautiful homebirths. The placenta was totally THERE for them. It worked just how it's supposed to. Some people (such as those who do lotus birth) view the placenta as a semi-sibling that accompanies your baby throughout their gestation, and is let go only when baby is ready.

Maybe Ember was ready to be *done* with that placenta. ;-) The abruption, the leaking waters (which isn't the placenta, but was part of her uterine environment), the hemorrhage... it wasn't taking care of her (or you) in the same way that her sisters experienced. For *her*, it may be more appropriate to leave that part behind. It's not what you envisioned or wanted for her, but maybe it's just the way it's supposed to be.

What *did* care for her and nurture her during those last few weeks? The heating pad that was smuggled in? A pillow that supported you? The brushes that painted that gorgeous henna on your belly? Is there something symbolic of the care and support that she and you needed *and got* during the end of her gestation that might become part of her tree? Maybe the people who were most instrumental in keeping you sane and relaxed during your long hospital days could each donate a small lock of hair to the planting?


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

The birth story is finally up.... although I don't know where the birth story really ends, once your life together begins.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

She's SIX WEEKS OLD!!!! Can you believe it?









It has not been a problem free six weeks. She has gained very little, and long story short: pumping, bottles, supply issues, non transferring of milk, more pumping, domperidone, lots of crying (me)
Hope, fear, anger... ALL the same stuff as I felt in the hospital.
I can't say that I've enjoyed the babymoon at all, it's been one struggle after the next. I am thankful that she spent no time in NICU, and we all came home together, but I will take a moment to lament our nursing relationship, which is still not established like I would prefer.
I can tell that between the traumatic hospital stay (all relative, I suppose) and the post-partum period (complete with wretched depression) and nursing problems, I am afraid it has wrecked havoc on our bonding. So much frustration and tears (me).
She's absolutely adorable, that little Ember Lotus... and I just wish that things would "normalize" and we can get to the "good stuff" of loving each other and wallowing in all those yummy baby loves.







I know it's there somewhere (i hope?) but so far, I've done WAY more crying than I have laughing and cooing over her.








Everyone tells me that it will work out fine. I'm sure it will work out... just perhaps not "fine" as defined by me. Nothing this past year has: the pregnancy was awful, the water breaking and hospital stay for a month atrocious, the birth (except the actual catching her ourselves part) was traumatic... and now the nursing/post partum is a living hell. I honestly don't know what I will do when the freezer stash of EBM runs out. Formula, to me, is like a knife through my heart.








I have hardly left the house in this 6 weeks ('cept for the week I thought I was exclusively nursing her successfully) and all I do is pump, nurse, feed, wash bottles and pumping supplies and change diapers.








All the things I wanted for this pregnancy/birth/baby... just turned out crap. I am hoping to salvage SOMETHING of the mother/child relationship... I just wonder what and when and how. After all we've been through, you would want to see a happy ending to this... I know I would. Hugs are nice, but real advice would be better.








I hate the hospital... I am so angry with so many things about this... I just think that even though I thought I was doing everything as right as I could, I now feel like there are so many things I did wrong and I am full of anger and saddness over it.
You mamas have been so great. I wish I had you all here with me now.


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Do you have an SNS to use when you're feeding with EBM? So you still get the nipple stimulation?

I think there's a Yahoo group called milkshare, that's for connecting with local nursing moms who can donate breastmilk. Maybe you can get supplemental milk from there until you get on track with your supply. I totally understand how you feel about formula... I do too! :-/ You're doing everything right to avoid it though. If it becomes inevitable, you'll find a way to accept it, I know you will... you've gotten through so much already!

Are you getting help from a lactation consultant? LLL? Getting the rest you need? Eating lots of good fats? I'm sure you are... just double-checking. ;-)


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

I'm sorry.







It sounds like the PPD/PTSD that a lot of preemie/traumatic birth/NICU parents go through. I had those same nursing issues with both of my girls. My first only had issues for about 2 weeks. My second was 3 months of sleepless pumping and nursing. I was so tired I couldn't even think about babymooning and bonding.

I ended up getting counseling for all the issues surrounding her birth and NICU stay and my resulting depression. That helped a lot.

As nursing finally became successful (often happens for preemies on or after their due dates) bonding became easier. Then watching her develop so wonderfully after her rough start helped as well. She's 3 now and I don't think you ever completely get over the experience of a traumatic birth (every birthday that rolls around reminds you) but the hurt gets less, and you learn to enjoy the child you have despite the experience that brought her here.


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## MonP'titBoudain (Nov 22, 2005)

Oh Julie! I hear all of that frustration and sadness and it takes me right back to my first few weeks with ds. He was early, too and we had some nursing issues that would have stopped a lot of people. For us, I was able to stop pumping and keep nursing exclusively the week he was "due". His jaundice cleared up suddenly that week or the next and he started waking up enough to actually feed without stripping him down and rubbing him with icy washcloths that week. It was like a whole new baby. But the bonding damage had been done. And it took me months to get myself back in the game fully, mentally & emotionally.

Honestly, I have no really concrete advice for you. For me, in part it was my honesty with a few trusted people that helped keep me sane as we tried to bond. And a complete release of all things remotely close to my expectations. But mostly it was time and keeping ds close (I credit the decision to follow AP philosophies with keeping our relationship from disintegrating completely. If we hadn't been slinging and cosleeping and if nursing hadn't survived, I think we would have had an even longer uphill battle towards healing). Within a few months, around 3 or 4, ds finally _felt_ like my child. And not long after I began to _feel_ in love with him (vs cerebral knowledge of love). And now, two years later, there's no evidence of that rough first half year.

Hang in there. Find someone who can help you remain in the game. Know that with some trust this too will heal and you _will_ have that mother/baby relationship. It will just take a little longer to get there.


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time of it. You baby was born at 34 weeks right....so she is JUST now getting to the point where she *should* have been born. Many moms of preterm babies find that breastfeeding gets much easier and the baby starts transferring milk well around the time that she reaches her EDD.

Here is a book on breastfeeding premature babies which you might find helpful.

http://store.llli.org/public/profile/102

Here is a DVD which shows amazing coverage of how all types of babies (full-term healthy, premature babies or preterm babies with breastfeeding problems, babies that had been previously bottle-fed) latching on well

http://store.llli.org/public/product/360

HTH...hang in there..things WILL get better!


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Oh, Julie, I wish I lived closer! I've actually had dreams of wetnursing Ember, which I took as a warning that I was spending WAY too much time online. I admire you so much for being able to stick it out with the pumping. I've had to give up my much less important plans of pumping to donate because I just can't seem to let down for a machine or make the connection with the hypothetical premie or sick baby I would be helping if I could.

I second Ironica's advice about Milkshare and the SNS.

What helps me most with the disappointments I've had (and I have had more than a few, although they pale in comparison to what you've been going through) is to remember the headspace I was in while TTCing and doubting if I would ever have the slightest flicker of hope that my little miracle would come to exist.

I'm not sure if that even applies to your situation and I know it would make me angry if somebody else told me to "count my blessings" now.

Well, I couldn't read without posting a







: even though I know that's not what you really need.


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 
Oh, Julie, I wish I lived closer! I've actually had dreams of wetnursing Ember

aww, that's sweet... dh's sister won't even pump a little extra... in fact, she may have even given up bfing alltogether (her's is 4 mos.)

PAK







it's all i do...


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## salt_phoenix (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *salt_phoenix* 
PAK







it's all i do...

Had to bump this thread! Who would have thought that at 9.5 mos., Emberdoodle is a nursing fiend... all i DO is nurse!








It all worked out, eh?


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## dani76 (Mar 24, 2004)

What a great update! I'm glad things have worked out so well for you.


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