# my son shouldn't have died!



## mommyofannaisaac (Jun 6, 2006)

My name is Jamie and I am a diabetic. I had a 10lb 8oz. perfect little girl by c-sec. in Nov. 2004. I became pregnant again in sept. of 2005. My husband and I were so excited. At my 16 wk. u/s we found out that we were having a little boy. The excitement was even greater then. We couldn't wait for him to get here. We told our little girl, Adrianna all about the baby. We already had a name picked out for our precious son- Isaac Scott- Scott after his daddy. Adrianna would hug and kiss my belly and say "Isaac". I had what seemed to be an awesome doctor. He was the type that you could talk to and he explained everything just perfect, it seemed. AT 34 wks. I started swelling and getting really uncomfortable. My doctor said that if we wanted to do the amniocentisis to check the baby's lungs we could go ahead and schedule a c-sec. The test was done and it showed that the baby's lungs were developed so we scheduled the c-sec for may 18th. I really wanted to try to have this baby natural, but for a vbac you can't be induced and I knew if we waited until i went into labor on my own that the baby would be too big. well, on may16 I started having slight contractions. They weren't very painful so I didn't think much of it. well the next day- they were getting worse and coming closer together. They still weren't unbearable though. At about 3:30 am on the 18th, I just couldn't take it anymore. My husband took me to the hospital. We told them that I already had a c-sec planned for that day, but I wanted my doctor to check me because if i could i really wanted to have this baby vaginally. A nurse came in and said that my doctor wasn't going to be in until 7, but another doctor was going to go ahead and do my c-section. I made what I know now to be the worst mistake of my life- I said I wanted to wait on my doctor. When my doctor came in he checked me and said that i was dialated 4. He told me that if I kept dialating on my own that it would be okay to do it natural- that u/s that i had a week earlier said the baby was only 7lbs 8oz. Hours later the doctor came in and broke my water. I was dialated 8 then. After that, things went fast and before I knew it I was ready to push. It only took about 10-15 minutes to get the head out. That was the easy part- my baby's shoulders got stuck. I had already torn some, but the doctor cut me to the 4th degree, which is the worst cut possible and the baby still wouldn't come out. I was praying and panicking at the same time. the doc tried a few other things and when that didn't work he pushed the baby's head back in and rushen me in for a c-sec. I remember that the anastesiologist was screeming that my i-IV wasn't in right and he couldn't get me to sleep. I thought the doctor was going to cut me while I was awake. The next thing I remember was waking up in a room all by myself. A few minutes later my husband came in and a nurse, but no one mentioned my baby. I was scared to ask. Finally, I said is the baby okay. My husband told me that they were fixing to airlift him to another hospital. My mother-in-law was supposed to go with the baby. They put me in a room and the baby's doctor came in and said that little Isaac was fighting against the machine to breath and that was a good sign. Then a few minutes after she left she came back and said that his heart had almost stopped beating. they couldn't get him stabilized. they said i could go see him, so only hours after a c-sec. they put me in a wheelchair and took me to the nursery. My son was hooked up to all kinds of machines, but I got to hold him for a few minutes and my husband go to hold him. we cried over our child and told him we loved him and gave him kisses. He died only 5 hrs. after being born. I had to stay in the hospital for almost 5 days because I had lost so much blood. my hemagloban was only a 6. The nurses put an outfit for our baby on him and let us hold him. I hated going home because we were going without our baby. He shouldn't have died - he weighed 8lbs. 15 & 1/2 oz. He was perfect. he had a head full of the softest hair! The doctor should have called in another doctor or changed my position, but he panicked and my baby died because of it. I feel like I missed out on everything. I don't know what color eyes my baby had- I never heard him cry- i never got to feed him- i never got to change his diaper or clothes. I missed it all. I wish so bad that I would have had the c-sec when i first got to the hospital! God is helping me though and I know he has a reason for everything- we just don't understand it. I hope so bad that I can have more kids, but the doctor wants us to wait at least for months to try because my blood level is so low. Please pray for me. I really want another son- not to replace my Isaac, but another son to love and hold and take care of. We haven't touched a thing in the nursery yet so it will be ready for out next baby boy- if we are blessed with one. i wrote a poem about our son- if anyone would like to read it just e-mail me- make sure you mention baby Isaac in the title because i don't open mail if I don't know who it is. My e-mail is [email protected].


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## sunisshining (May 25, 2006)

Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I pray that God gives you guidance and comfort.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I am so very sorry for the loss of sweet Isaac...







:







:


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

Oh Mama. I am just so sorry you lost your precious Isaac Scott. I can't even imagine the pain and incredible sadness you must feel. You have come to a safe place here. There are many Mamas who have lived this nightmare, and will offer you support and love.

Please be gentle with yourself.
You will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Many







to you.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

I am sorry for your loss.









I hope you have supportive family and friends to help you through this difficult time.


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## mamatojade (Jun 2, 2004)

I am so sorry mama.


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## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## GruppieGirl (Feb 19, 2002)

Words cannot express how sorry I am for you and your family.

You are in my thoughts.


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## 5thAttempt (Apr 22, 2006)

I am very sorry. We all make decisions in our life that we regret. However there is a reason on why we make such decisions and they appear to be the right ones at the time we made them. Do not be so hard on yourself. Heal. You will have another baby soon.


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## GearGirl (Mar 16, 2005)

It is heartbreaking to read this. I am so, so sorry.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Oh sweet heart I am so sorry. Beleive me when I say I know EXACTLY how you feel. We just lost our daughter May 11 (to uterine rupture) and I remember having the same feelings as you. I felt guilty because I felt like it was my body failing her. I know facing Mothers Day and going home without a baby were the absolute worst. Its frustrating how these little angels can be so healthy and leave us anyway. My daughter was a big 7 lbs 10 oz and beautiful as could be. I am praying for you, but please do not blame yourself for anything that has happened. It is NOT your fault.


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## Greensleeves (Aug 4, 2004)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I am so very sorry too for the loss of your son, and for what you went through. I am thinking of you and wishing you healing.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss of Isaac.


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

i am so sorry. what an incredibly hard experience to have gone through. i hope you can hold on to the fact that your son knew how much you loved him- he lived in a perfect world inside you and could feel all the love and care you had for him. we found out our daughter died while i was in labor, and it was so hard to come so close to meeting her and raising her and having her with us. there are many mom's here who know the same pain you are going through now. it is so unfair. i know how tempting it may be to second guess everything and go through the 'what if's'. i hope you have some support and a way to talk through these thoughts. this is a great website to find support from women who know how you are feeling. much love to you.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)




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## Gray's Mommy (Jul 8, 2005)

I am very sorry for the loss of your precious Issac.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

I am so, so deeply sorry, Mama.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I am so very sorry for your loss.







s


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## MamaFern (Dec 13, 2003)

i am so sorry momma.


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## lunamegn (Nov 30, 2004)

I'm so sorry Mama. I'm thinking about you and praying for you.


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## rn (Jul 27, 2003)

I am so sorry.


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Isaac Scott. I am praying for you.


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## mama_b (Dec 14, 2004)

I'm so sorry about Isaac. I am praying for your family.


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## emma_goldman (May 18, 2005)

I have been sending love to you since I read your post last night. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Nkenga (Dec 11, 2005)

I am SO sorry for your loss. Remember - you did EVERYTHING you could have done to keep your son safe. You did NOTHING wrong. As much as we'd like to, we don't have power over life and death, and we have to make the best decisions we can based on the information we have. It's hard, it's SO hard, but you have to remember that.

I am so sorry for the loss of your Isaac.


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## cornflower_3 (Jan 15, 2006)

*


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## Len (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm really sorry and sad about the tremendous loss of your baby son. Please know that we are here for you for support if you feel like it.








Isaac Scott


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. You didn't do anything wrong. I know that is hard to believe, but it's true. If you had any inkling that your decisions would have produced the death of your son, you would have changed them in a heartbeat. Know that there is a great group of women here that have lost their babies too that understand all of your emotions that you are experiencing now and will experience as time goes on. Your baby was loved and he knows that.


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## Got_Cloth (May 14, 2005)

Im sorry, I have no other words and I am sorry for that as well.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

you made thebest descision you could have. this is not your fault. I amso so sorry for your loss.


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## Plady (Nov 20, 2001)

I am so sorry mama.







for little Isaac.


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## isaiahsmommy05 (Jul 1, 2005)

I am so sorry.














:


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## KYCat (May 19, 2004)

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Isaac. My prayers are going our to your family.
Peace and love.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I am so so sorry that you know this pain.







Issac's life may have been brief, but I can tell he was very loved. Peace to you Mama, as you begin this grief journey. Be gentle on yourself.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

I am so sorry, mama.














s We lost our daughter on Aug.29th of last year. She was stillborn. I know exactly what you're feeling right now. Be gentle on yourself. I wish you much peace and love.







s








Isaac Scott


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## butterfly_mom (Sep 8, 2005)

I'm so sorry about your loss mama. Be easy on yourself. You will heal. Your son knows how much you love him and was safe in your womb. The best place to be in this world.


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## Patti Ann (Dec 2, 2001)

I'm so sorry Anna. Be gentle on yourself.








Isaac Scott









Patti


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## wheezie (Sep 18, 2004)

Oh mama. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son.

Love and peace to you.


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## littlemama06 (Oct 29, 2005)

I am so sorry for your heart break. Please keep coming here for support.

Kaitlin


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## mother culture (Oct 19, 2004)

my heart is crying for you mama. I wish for you healing of the body, heart, and that the grief won't overwhelm your family. It seems to me that the better option would have been to separate your pelvis or flip you over to hands and knees. But the fact that he did the emergency ceserean and your baby is gone is the hardest thing to accept in the world.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Oh mama, I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## azerivista.com (Jun 12, 2006)

I lost my baby too. He was a fetus of 5 months, but I got to hold him for an hour and it was very sad. I know what you mean about leaving the baby and going home.
Well,. I got home and I sat at the keyboard and typed out what that child that just left my belly wanted to say to me.
It was very long and the main mesage he was trying to say was it was a sucess!!! He did it! It made me even more upset, casue what did he do? Why did he leave me? I wanted that baby so much.
He just wanted to feel what it was like to be in there and feel the love and be conected to his mamma. THen when he left he was laughing and carring on how wonderful it was and how great it was to be out of that human body.
I am currently writing a book about all the conversations I had with y fetuses ( I had 3 more babies).
Love to you Hun, and know that he was happy and he planned it.
Anna


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## TheHealingRoomChir (Jan 17, 2006)

Oh Jamie, I am so so sorry for your loss.








sweet precious Isaac Scott


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