# Recurrent miscarriage



## AdyStnt (Jan 22, 2018)

Hello, unfortunately I found myself feeling the urge to register for an account to be able to tell my story. I say unfortunately because it is something I never thought I would be doing. 

I have a six year old daughter from a previous marriage and am currently married to my best friend and soulmate. In June 2016 I was diagnosed with an abnormal Pap smear which is something I never expected. After having a colposcopy and biopsy done, I was told that my results came back LSIL, my doctor said I needed a LEEP done to remove the abnormal cells. The tissue was sent in for further testing and results were worse than initially thought. It was HSIL cancerous. Like many others I turned to google to research and learn about it. I learned that there?s cases where having a leep done may cause infertility or miscarriages so I was very scared. I had to go in for a pap every three months. On February 22, 2016 I had my second repeat pap. On March 2nd I had a positive pregnancy test and the same day I learned that my results for the Pap smear were abnormal. I was scared of course but was still very excited. I began spotting on March 9th and passed tissue the next day. I was heartbroken and devastated. My Hcg was checked to make sure my levels were back to normal and they were. On April 14th I found out I was pregnant again, hesitant to get excited though it was impossible not to. Only to miscarry again on April 22. My doctor said the first miscarriage was only ?a bad date?, where either the egg or the sperm were not good and the second miscarriage because it was too Soon. He said to wait one cycle and then try again. So we did. In May I had a repeat pap once again and it was ASCUA which is slightly better than LSIL. July 3rd I tested positive again. I was nervous, scared and yet happy. It seemed to be going good. But once again, I began spotting on July 16 and passed tissue the 17th. We?re told we wait three months. My hormones are checked, and my blood is checked for any disorders. Everything comes back normal. We wait three months and began trying with fear in the back on my mind. It has all been so heartbreaking. The first month trying nothing happens. Then on December 19 I get a bfp. Scared, nervous, happy all the mixed emotions once again. But this time everything seemed to be going well. Sore breast, nausea, fatigue. We made it past the seven week mark which had never happened in the previous three pregnancies. We celebrate Christmas and New Years. And then what we feared so much. On January 9th, at 9w1d I begin spotting. Now spotting can be normal during pregnancy, so we are hopeful and are praying. But as days go by it keeps getting worse, a lot of liver-like tissue. January 15th I passed some tissue, it looked like a yoke sac and some more live like tissue. Then some more bleeding and small amounts of tissue. January 18th I passed the placenta. It seems so unfair and nothing makes sense. Four miscarriages and though I know that I am not the only one going through this, I find no comfort in it. I want peace in my heart and I do not have it. I want to make sense of what has happened though I know it will never make sense. Not when I know that every single one of those babies were wanted and loved But I still have hope that one day we will get our rainbow baby.


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## mamirod (May 29, 2018)

With our miscarriage doctors have told us that every pregnancy is different, so you always stand a chance the next time. I send you positive vibes, and my prayers are with you to give you your baby. :smile:


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