# You know you are a mom when...



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You no longer like music. At all. Ever, because every moment of total silence is precious.

You FINALLY got your child to sleep after two hours and suddenly become (rather painfully) aware that except for that half cup of yogurt your child wouldn't finish, you haven't had anything to eat since breakfast yesterday.

Everyone asks you why you've gone "goth." The reason? You no longer own a shirt without a stain on it, so you gave in and started buying everything in black.

You say "I have to pee-pee" or "poo-poo" when in adult conversation.

You would pay any amount of money for any product that will buy you silence on the car ride home.

You hold it in anytime you have to use the bathroom while your child is taking a nap because you are mortally afraid that hearing the toilet flush might wake them.

Total strangers who have never had children suddenly think they know everything and you don't.

You pause when someone asks you your name because you *almost* said "Mommy."

You catch yourself humming the tunes to children's songs when you are alone.

You no longer need to get your hair cut.
Because you never take it out of a bun.
Because you only have time to wash it once a week









You cut all your meat into little tiny pieces and then put the knife away BEFORE you sit down to dinner.

You don't own a pair of sunglasses that don't look like they've been dragged across the pavement.

None of your CDs or DVDs play anymore.

None of your friends or family are allowed to watch the news anymore while you are over because you'll start crying again.

In your home "waking up the baby" is the eighth deadly sin.

Any more?


----------



## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

You've exchanged all your pretty, breakable knick-knacks for either toys or stuff that is child-friendly (unbreakable) (especially the holiday decorations). Because you want to relax at home, not stress out over what Junior is playing with.


----------



## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Subbing.... this promises to be good.


----------



## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

An exciting night is when the baby goes to sleep at 8 instead of 10, wahoo!

You actually DO go to the bathroom, you just don't flush in fear of waking up the baby.

You ask the cat if they need to *go potty* when they try and sneak in the bathroom with you.

A shower is low on the priority list at times.

Cleaning pee off the floor is actually fine because it could've been worse.


----------



## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

You drink water with floaties in it because your toddler just HAS to have some of yours.


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You constantly have to apologize to the neighbors for having to hear you yell things like "please stop sodomizing the dog," and "get out of Mommy's crotch when she is trying to pee-pee on the potty!"


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You haven't actually seen a movie all the way through in one sitting since your child was born.


----------



## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Letting the child stand in the picture window naked is a good thing because it buys you a few minutes of peace.

There's nothing better smelling in the world than the top of your childs head fresh from a bath. Sweet!

You think about throwing a tantrum sometime. Hey its a stress reliever!


----------



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

You don't even think twice when your toddler answers the door naked.

You find yourself randomly dancing in public.

You can't make it through a shower without singing Old MacDonald....and sometimes the thought of this is so horrible that you skip the shower.

You get invited to a fancy occasion and realize you have absolutely nothing appropriate to wear.

You can't watch a movie without subtitles on because, after so many times doing it that way (so you can turn down the volume), you can't understand what any of the actors are saying.

You can't understand why the rest of the world isn't ready to do something at 9 AM on a Saturday (seriously, get out of bed people!).


----------



## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

You want to scream at people who call the house phone after 8pm.

You dance to the music they play at Target. And sing. Loudly.


----------



## Bea (Apr 6, 2008)

When you catch yourself in a quiet moment of contemplation at the supermarket, humming the theme tune to 'Little Bear'.


----------



## thefreckledmama (Jun 1, 2007)

When standing in line (without a child), you still do the "mommy rock" side to side.

When you and your husband are going somewhere without the kids, it's 20 minutes before you realize it's a children's CD that's been playing-and you've both been singing along the whole time.


----------



## PicklinQueen (Aug 21, 2008)

you eat baby poop by mistake. and then think to yourself, oh this doesnt taste so bad.


----------



## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

You get excited when it's garbage day because it means the toddler will stand in the window and watch the truck for at LEAST 15 uninterrupted minutes.

You go into a store one day without the newly potty trained toddler and STILL out of habit the first thing you ask the store employee is, "do you have a potty, just in case?"

Someone cuts you in line in the store and ticks you off, and you go, "fudge feet!" really loudly.


----------



## JD5351 (Sep 13, 2008)

When you're at a friend's house and there are multiple babies/small children around and SOMEONE pooped...And you can confidently say it was not your child because you know what their poop smells like....And you are correct. LOL....This happened about 2 hours ago.

Or when you're sitting at your desk at work and tell the person who sits next to you that you want to go home and "Go night-nights."


----------



## DeerMother (Apr 22, 2008)

When you don't care if you leave the house with pee on your shirt because if you change halfway through the day that's just more laundry to add to the pile.

When you're in the car alone and still say. . . "school bus!", "trash truck!", "police car!"

When you're out with your sister and you tell her, "mommy needs to go potty".

When you're out with your friends who are childless and think how exciting they used to be and how you'd just rather be at home with your dc - coloring and listening to Raffi in your sweatpants.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

You actually go grocery shopping alone, and realize you've been talking to an empty shopping cart all the way through the store.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thefreckledmama* 
When standing in line (without a child), you still do the "mommy rock" side to side.

I didn't stop doing that until ds1 was 8 or 9, and now I'm doing it again. I figure I might quit before I have grandchildren...or not...


----------



## mystiquesmom (May 20, 2008)

The thought of sleeping in until 8 am sounds heavenly!

You spend way more money on kids clothes than your own.

Going grocery shopping by yourself sounds like the greatest thing ever.


----------



## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

when you can have a conversation about poop with someone and not get embarassed.

When its become the norm to have your boobs exposed

When you sing songs about putting on clothes, washing your hands, and poopy diapers

When it takes you months to finish reading a single book because by the time you are able to sit down and actually read, you are exhausted and fall asleep after 3 sentences.

when the word "mommy" is music to your ears









for WOHMs: When the sweetest part of your day is when you pick them up from daycare and they are so







to see you


----------



## LauraLoo (Oct 9, 2006)

When you're a guest at someone else's home and you forget for a moment that you really should close the bathroom door.

When a friend sneezes and you're quicker to give her a tissue than she is to retrieve her own.

When too much precious silence for too long causes panic.....'cuz something, someone, somewhere isn't right.


----------



## AGF (Aug 6, 2009)

not in the 'you know you're a mom' format but:

last night after i finished the dishes, i felt that my shirt and pants were wet at the waistline from the sink and for a split second thought to myself,

oh no, did i pee through?


----------



## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

When you realize the majority of the shoes in your closet have gone unworn since dc was born 'cause they are not practical for babywearing/baby chasing & when you go to put an old favourite on you think "how the heck did I ever where these?"


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

When you realize that the last gift you were _really_ excited about was a new Ergo.


----------



## momtomine (May 7, 2009)

when you thoroughly master going pee with the baby attached to your front!

when a conversation with your DP is peppered with "get out of the fridge please" and "baby, are you pooping?"

when you know exactly what animal your two year old is pretending to be, even though lions, wolfs, monsters and dinos all sound the same to everyone else!


----------



## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

When you realise your darling daughter is dressed in a gorgeous dress lovingly handmade by yourself from quilting-quality craft fabric... and _you_ are sporting jeans with paint on them (your only pair), a two-year-old nursing tank that's faded from black, has a small snip in the hem and is covered in snot, yoghurt and tomato paste; and a fuzzy two-day-old braid.

Bonus points if you're in town by the time you realise this; extra bonus points if you philosophically go "Meh, people will be looking at the baby anyway".









You also know you're a mother when you can scare your male and childless female friends by discussing the goriest, most bodily-fluid-laden details of childbirth with enthusiasm and without embarrassment.


----------



## bignerpie (Apr 16, 2009)

When you're on MDC at 3:00am because the baby won't sleep, which is happening to me right now...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thefreckledmama* 
When standing in line (without a child), you still do the "mommy rock" side to side.

I am always catching myself doing this!


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You let the dog in for a little while during the day so you can talk to it because you have GOT to have some adult conversation.


----------



## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

When, after a week-long visit, your father calls to tell you that when he got home he felt the need to throw things on the floor because his house didn't look right.

One leaky pee diaper episode isn't enough to make you change your sheets because, hey, it's only baby pee. Oh, and your baby spends more time in your bed than your husband.

If you meet a prospective friend, you're not worried about common interests as much as whether your children are the same age and compatible.

When you go to sleep excited about that first cup of coffee in the morning!


----------



## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Date night becomes you and DH sitting at home on the couch watching a movie and snacking at your leisure


----------



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

When you buy yourself a treat and willingly wait hours until everyone is asleep so you don't have to share it with anyone.

When someone else's "poop face" is actually kinda cute.


----------



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Crystal_R* 
You want to scream at people who call the house phone after 8pm.

I actually did this to a solicitor once. When I said, "Do you KNOW what TIIIIIIMMMEEEE it is?!" she said, "8:30?"


----------



## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
I actually did this to a solicitor once. When I said, "Do you KNOW what TIIIIIIMMMEEEE it is?!" she said, "8:30?"

I've done that, too... Someone called at 8:30 once... DS had just gotten to sleep... when the person (who was a telemarketer) asked me how I was doing, my response was "It's 8:30 and you just woke up my baby who we just spent 45 minutes trying to get to sleep."


----------



## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

These are great.


----------



## mommy2two babes (Feb 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shanniesue2* 
When its become the norm to have your boobs exposed


When you answer the door without realising that half of your nursing top is undone and one of the nanas is hanging out.

When the kids have gone to bed and you catch yourself very enthraled with where Dora has to go next.


----------



## MissMaegie'sMama (Jul 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
You let the dog in for a little while during the day so you can talk to it because you have GOT to have some adult conversation.









Yes!


----------



## MissMaegie'sMama (Jul 27, 2006)

...you hear yourself saying "What the heck does a person have to do around here to pee without an audience?!?"


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thefreckledmama* 
When standing in line (without a child), you still do the "mommy rock" side to side.

absolutely, this!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
One leaky pee diaper episode isn't enough to make you change your sheets because, hey, it's only baby pee. Oh, and your baby spends more time in your bed than your husband.

If you meet a prospective friend, you're not worried about common interests as much as whether your children are the same age and compatible.

check, check and check..

When someone asks you how you are doing, all of your responses are about the baby. "We're doing great! LO is crawling all around and starting to say things, and he pooped in the potty today!"
(This happened with an old friend the other day.. it was a good 5 minutes before he said "No, I said how are YOU doing!" I couldn't even come up with anything.. that IS how I'm doing!)


----------



## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Mom jeans, comfy shoes and a non-stained shirt is your version of dressy-casual.


----------



## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *picklinqueen* 
you eat baby poop by mistake. And then think to yourself, oh this doesnt taste so bad.

wtf?!


----------



## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

You no longer to close the door when you go to the bathroom because everyone just comes in to join you anyway.

You wake up to go to the bathroom in the 'middle of the night' and realize that it's actually only midnight and that in your former life, this was the time you went to bed!

You dutifully tour the 'fire station' your child has set up, which in reality is your bedroom and the truck is your bed.


----------



## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

When you're so tired you accidently put A&D on your toothbrush and brush your teeth BEFORE you have an inkling about why your tooth paste tastes funny.....









When your child shows you his "fingerpainting"














on the bathroom wall.....

When all the keys to your DH's lap-top key board are missing.....and he WAS in a good mood before you had to tell him.









When you absolutely loved a song in High School and your child hears it for the first time and goes "Hey listen to this really cool NEW song I just heard!"









When your husband kisses you in the morning before he leaves for work, and you could so get all up into that and then you open your eyes and realize it's the dog.
















When you try to put a size 6 diaper on a newborn and get them dressed and later relaize what you've done because the diaper is up to her chin. OR When you try to put a newborn diaper on a 18 mo old fatty and can't understand why the hell it won't fit.









When it's 7 am on Saturday and all 8 of your children want to get in your bed and you realize it could be worse....you could be old and alone and no one loves you.


----------



## claras_mom (Apr 25, 2006)

You wipe the spit up from your jeans with the edge of your tank-top and tuck it under, because it's too close to bedtime to change clothes yet again and there's not a cloth within reach.


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You wear pants all through the dead of summer because you no longer have time to shave your legs.

You realize you don't just have to breastfeed your baby. You also have to breastfeed dolls, various stuffed animals, and sometimes (when DD is particularly insistent) the cat.


----------



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
You wear pants all through the dead of summer because you no longer have time to shave your legs.

You've decided that shaving is a lost cause because, let's face it, who are you trying to impress anyway? If you and DH magically have 15 minutes to yourself, he's not gonna complain about hair.


----------



## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

When you get excited about the opportunity to go on a "date" and that "date" is an 11 PM child-free run to McDonalds for sundaes off the dollar menu. Might I mention that this date took place in late September, and it was the first time SINCE MEETING EACH OTHER (in March) that my bf and I had EVER been actually alone without ds.......


----------



## tracymom1 (May 7, 2008)

OMG, I love this thread!

... when there is ALWAYS food in your hair. Usually noodles of some kind that have dried and are now crunchy and stuck like glue.


----------



## curiouscanadian (Aug 28, 2009)

When you reach into your pocket for your car keys, and come out with a kleenex, soother, teether and a small wooden block...but no keys!









When serving yourself dinner, you serve yourself half-again as much as you'd normally eat, just because you'd like (for once) not to still be hungry after your toddler has eaten his share off YOUR plate.


----------



## IntrovertExtrovert (Mar 2, 2008)

You have completely lost your worry about looking like a fool in public, and willingly become a marching band anywhere, anytime.


----------



## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

When you've seen every episode of icarly and you actually find yourself humming the songs when you're alone.

When you tell people that you've "got to go potty" and your child isn't even with you.

You have matchbox cars and markers in your purse.

You sign everything with sparkle pens because your children bring them home from school.

You know who Mr Noodle is.


----------



## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

When you find yourself going back on all those things you promised yourself, pre-kid, that you would never do (drive a minivan, let the kids watch annoying cartoons, bribery, you name it...)

When you realize that most of your conversations with your spouse now include references to who has pooped recently and a description of what it looked like.

You realize that the last time you saw a movie in a theater was when you were just starting morning sickness with your first child.

When the kids both are in bed before 10 pm for once, and you find yourself and your spouse just sitting shell-shocked side by side on the couch, unsure of what to do with yourselves without a kid between you.


----------



## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

awww done a lot of things mentioned here.

but now dd is 7 and mothering looks a lot different.

... when you realise your conversation with everyone around you includes a lot of explanations.

... when anyone says no you encourage them to give it just one try.

... when you go to a toystore and buy dd what she wants and you buy yourself a smurf and tell her she is NOT supposed to play with it.

... when you get excited about finding a particular book about a specific subject because you cant wait to have a conversation about it.

... when you can be seen smiling in the line - watching other children or other parents with children and you can so relate to teh scene in front of you.

... when you cant wait for march to come so you can go see alice in wonderland with dd and know just how much the both of us of will really enjoy the cinamatography.

... when you show a cool composure sweetness when inside a storm is blowing hard. mom j was flirting with me today but i put distance between us as i wasnt interested in him. sweetheart what does the word flirt mean? i dont know mom but its something that happens when someone likes the other person.

... when you no longer have to make up 75 verses to when you are happy and you know it song during a drive. instead you end up talking about something philosophical. why does the bad guy have to be killed? if he is killed then the person who kills him why isnt he punished.

i am loving life with a 7 year old and our conversations.


----------



## Mama2Rio (Oct 25, 2008)

...you find yourself reading to a stuffed bear and doll your child placed in your toddler placed in your arms and you don't know where she ran off to.

...you wake up more often by someone bouncing on top of you than an alarm.


----------



## Madalyn (Jun 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momo7* 
When you're so tired you accidently put A&D on your toothbrush and brush your teeth BEFORE you have an inkling about why your tooth paste tastes funny.....










Oh my gosh lollll. Suddenly making me happy that I keep my A&D in the coffee table drawer.


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You seem to frequently find yourself holding someone else's hair back while they throw up...and you aren't in college anymore.

and in that same vein:

You now know that once you hear the words "Mommy, I don't feel so good," it's probably already too late to try to save the carpet by rushing them into the bathroom because the warning only precedes the vomit by about .6 seconds.









You have more food bits in the bottom of your purse than makeup. Actually, you probably have more of ANYTHING else in your purse than makeup. At this point in your life, it's a good day if you can manage to pull your hair back in a ponytail and slather on some lip balm.

Your purse is now 4 times bigger than it used to be and nothing in it actually belongs to YOU personally.


----------



## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

At the very end of the day you realize you had your bra on backwards- no wonder it felt kinda funny. I wear sleep bras, so it's not as bad as it might seem.
Or your underwear on inside out.
Jessica


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

You make it all the way to work, and halfway through the day with two different shoes on.

You have absolutly no problem wiping a snotty nose with your bare hand, and then wiping it on your pants.

Your dinner consists of whatever your toddler DIDNT eat off his plate, EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.

You stick your nose 3 cm from your baby's butt to see if it needs to be wiped anymore.

You have caught vommit with your hands cupped together, and all you were worried about was spilling it on the rug.

For WOHM's, your nice quiet peaceful time is when you GET TO WORK. (But the best part of my day is asbolutly when I pick the boys up, and they take one look at me and get the biggest smile on their faces.







)


----------



## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

OMG! These are good...

...when you greet your co-workers with "Whaaaatcha doin'? instead of "Hello" because you enjoy watching Phineas and Ferb more than your kid does.









I can't get their theme song outta my head.
"There's 104 days of summer vacation and summer comes along just to end it..."

Lol.


----------



## claras_mom (Apr 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
For WOHM's, your nice quiet peaceful time is when you GET TO WORK. (But the best part of my day is asbolutly when I pick the boys up, and they take one look at me and get the biggest smile on their faces.







)

There's a stoplight near dd1's preschool and the playground is on a rise. The first time she saw me there and waved from school, my heart melted.

My best peaceful time, FWIW, is in the half hour or so I have at home after dh takes the kids and I finish getting ready for work. different than the peace and quiet really early in the morning, if I"m the first one up, because I never know when one of them will be up!


----------



## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Going grocery shopping ALONE seems like the best night out ever.


----------



## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

For WOHM's, your nice quiet peaceful time is when you GET TO WORK.










...when you finally get to have a relaxed lunch with a friend on a Saturday, child-free and not worrying about getting back to work on time, but you're bummed that while you're doing this your partner is getting to tour the Mister Rogers Neighborhood of Make-Believe with your kid. (I was going to go! But the line was too long and I had to leave for lunch before we got inside!)

...when you go to the library and totally forget to investigate the adult section because there are so many fabulous picture books.

...when it's a huge luxury to be able to do your (weekly...) leg-shaving without having to swing those legs over your child's head while answering questions about how he could have come out of THERE and discouraging investigation.









...when you spend a lot of time racking your brain for details of your own childhood, not for enhanced self-understanding but so that you can answer your child's incessant demands for NEW stories about when you were his age.

...when you are huddled under the covers with a fever and there is a small person leaning against you and saying with deep contentment, "Ahh, what warmness!"









...when your adult conversation is peppered with quotes from children's books and analogies to classic "Sesame Street" episodes that you and your kid have been watching on DVD.

...when you look forward to doing your morning stretches to the tune of the 45rpm record of Muppets singing, "I look at you and sing a song about Up and Down!" even if your child is not awake yet.

...when you are so proud of yourself for actually making the bed, and then your child comes in and says, "







Why are the blankets all pulled up to the top like that?!?"


----------



## Phridae (Sep 24, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PicklinQueen* 
you eat baby poop by mistake. and then think to yourself, oh this doesnt taste so bad.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
wtf?!

I second that "wtf?!"


----------



## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

maybe a mommy brain freeze, typo... should have typed food.
Lets hope so!


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Phridae* 
I second that "wtf?!"

me three


----------



## wookie (Dec 12, 2008)

when after a day spent entirely with 3 yr olds or less you begin to think "crew" and "do-ed" are perfectly acceptable (even desirable) past tenses of "cry" and "do".

Eg: I was just playing with him (baby brother) and he _crew_!


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

You've never been one for vandalism but you fantasize about pouring sugar into the gas tank of the idiot that revs his bike engine as he drives past your window when the baby is ALMOST asleep.

You stopped paying for cable and watch all of your movies and TV online...because you can pause it when the baby needs you. (I'd never know what was going on if I had to watch it live)

"It's just pee"

Your book collection used to be novels and now it's all parenting related (Protecting the Gift or Vaccine Book anyone?)


----------



## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when it's a huge luxury to be able to do your (weekly...) leg-shaving without having to swing those legs over your child's head while answering questions about how he could have come out of THERE and discouraging investigation.









So glad I'm not the only one who does this! Thank goodness he can't ask questions yet.


----------



## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
me three

four. I cannot imagine accidently eating baby poop. And it tasting ok? Blerch!


----------



## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PicklinQueen* 
you eat baby poop by mistake. and then think to yourself, oh this doesnt taste so bad.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Phridae* 
I second that "wtf?!"









I've never accidentally ate it but I once stuck it in my ear by accident, had no idea it was on my finger until my finger *squished* when I scratched in my ear







I can see how one might accidentally eat it









Oh yeah totally use made up tenses of words. Dood (did) slewed (slid)

Here's one from DH: When someone barfs in your lap and you keep on eating.

When you tell a cop that you know you found the damage done to your van at ten o-clock because sesame street had just come on.

When you try on shirts by seeing if your boobs can easily be popped out.

When you get a small plate of food because you know you're eating everyone else's when they don't eat it. (wait that should be dh too lol)

When someone yells "there's a turd/barf on the floor" and you say "cat or baby?"

When you pick up said baby turd with your bare hands because you've done so. much. worse. uke


----------



## Jackies Ladybug (Jun 19, 2008)

when hunting the house for the mysterious missing toddler poop seems normal and you attempt to recruit your visiting sister in the search.

when you drop your piece of chicken on the floor, you pick it up, pull the cat hair off and eat it anyway because you are too hungry and tired to walk to the kitchen for a new piece.


----------



## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

when you get to go to walmart, alone for the first time in MONTHS, and with cash in pocket, and look up to find yourself automatically heading for the toy aisle.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KristaDJ* 







I've never accidentally ate it but I once stuck it in my ear by accident, had no idea it was on my finger until my finger *squished* when I scratched in my ear







I can see how one might accidentally eat it









This. Not the "stuck it in my ear" part, but I'm totally onboard with the stealthy nature of baby poop!

What on earth is A&D? I don't know why it's so funny to use it for toothpaste, because I don't know what it is. (That said...I know someone who once grabbed Speed Sew, instead of KY...*big* "oops".)

When you get home from grocery shopping and realize that you have lipstick across one cheek, eyeliner almost to your hairline, and half your ponytail is tugged out - and you're too happy, because the kid made it home with his clothes on, to even care.

And, on that note - when you've had to extricate your child's sock from the shopping basket of the woman behind you at the grocery store.

When you've been relieved to have red nail polish spilled on your couch...because you initially thought it was blood.

When you only notice that your hair is full of drool when you go to take out your ponytail.

When you can't feel the neck cramps, because the little one lying against you has fallen asleep.


----------



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 

What on earth is A&D? I don't know why it's so funny to use it for toothpaste, because I don't know what it is.


Diaper cream.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
Diaper cream.

Oh. Yuck.


----------



## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

So true about the rocking side-to-side thing. My MIL admits to this and her baby is 25, so uh. . . yeah, I think it's permanent.

When the baby wakes up only ONCE in the night and you feel like it was the best night of sleep EVER.

When your queen size bed feels roomy because there is only ONE kid in it.

When you go out by yourself for groceries and have a better conversation with your husband via text message than you were able to have at home with kids interrupting.

When you are inserting a tampon and notice that your 12 month old is squatting down to get a better view of what is going on.

When you can randomly sing "Do do de do do. . . " and someone in your house will ALWAYS yell back, "MENOMENA!"

When the baby spits up or has a diaper leak all over your bed in the middle of the night and you throw a prefold or blanket over it and go back to sleep, because you'd rather sleep on dirty sheets than get up and change the bed.

When you discover your baby climbing on open dishwasher door or sitting in a kitchen drawer and you run for your cellphone so you can send a picture to your husband at work.

When you are glad that the neighbor brings their dog over because the floor is cleaner after their visit


----------



## OperaDiva (Jun 11, 2009)

When every item on your Christmas wish list is either baby related or getting back in shape post-baby related.

When you very nearly throw the dog out the window because he starts barking as soon as the baby is asleep, and the only thing that stops you is the baby falling right back to sleep.

When you realize that the very thought of something bad happening to your child is the worst form of torture ever invented.


----------



## Ellp (Nov 18, 2004)

When you reach out to catch your toddler's vomit with both bare hands WHILE you're eating dinner and you don't batt an eye. Hey, its easier than cleaning the floor otherwise!

When you jabber away at the check out person because they're the first and only adult you've talked to all day....and you feel giddy about it.

When you would rather eat standing up so your kids don't see what you're eating and want some of it.

When you start to wear aprons around the house because its handy to have a face/snot wipe with pockets that can hold a dolly ring, hair clip and puzzle piece. Best of all, you keep your shirt tails cleaner that way.

When your music tastes are still stuck back in the 80's/90's because thats the last time you actually had time to follow music trends.

When you have no idea who that actor/actress/singer is because you haven't had time to watch movies/TV/listen to adult music.

But you know who Bobs and Lolo, Raffi and Sharon/Lois/Bram are.

When your Dh actually goes and gets concert tickets for the two of you, secures the grandparents for overnight babysitting, and you secretly want to stay home just so you can sit on the couch and veg unmolested.







: that was me last night.


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You no longer buy clothes unless they fit the magical three criteria:

A. You can wear them while you're pregnant
B. You can wear them after having the baby
C. Your breasts are easily accessible when wearing it

Visitors are not allowed to stay long enough to need to use the potty because you don't have time to scrub the shower often enough and you're too embarrassed for them to see the mildew stains starting to build up









There's always a weird smell coming from somewhere and you never seem to be able to find it.

You quickly learn to check inside the oven BEFORE turning it on.

You have poison control on your speed dial.

More than sixty seconds of silence sends you into a little bit of a panic.

You ask people to spit food into your bare hand.


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Just happened last night:

When you can see that the baby is about to spit up while hes sleeping in your arms, so you turn him to one side so he can do it onto the floor, and not on himself, because you would rather clean the floor then have to change the sleeping baby that takes F.O.R.E.V.E.R to fall asleep.

on this note

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OperaDiva* 
When you realize that the very thought of something bad happening to your child is the worst form of torture ever invented.

When movies you have seen before many many times suddenly become difficult to watch or take on new meaning, because now you have children. Its like you see things from a completly different perspective.

You also begin to worry about things that never ever bothered you before. I.e. mandatory vaccination or martial law. You can litterally keep your self awake at night sick with all these new thoughts running through your head that, just 3 years ago, you didn't even know those terms existed.


----------



## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 

When movies you have seen before many many times suddenly become difficult to watch or take on new meaning, because now you have children. Its like you see things from a completly different perspective.

This is me. I cannot watch anything thats gory, slightly scary, involves children getting hurt, anything. It's terrible and it drives my BF c-r-a-z-y b/c he always wants to watch things with me and I can't watch anything since Lincoln was born!

I wonder if men are affected by fatherhood differently than women are - the things that bother me don't seem to bother him at.all! I know that he loves Lincoln absolutely to pieces, and he's a wonderful dad - but he can still watch horror movies that have children as the bad guy! I don't get it.

Ok, sorry everyone I totally went OT.


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thyra* 
This is me. I cannot watch anything thats gory, slightly scary, involves children getting hurt, anything. It's terrible and it drives my BF c-r-a-z-y b/c he always wants to watch things with me and I can't watch anything since Lincoln was born!

I wonder if men are affected by fatherhood differently than women are - the things that bother me don't seem to bother him at.all! I know that he loves Lincoln absolutely to pieces, and he's a wonderful dad - but he can still watch horror movies that have children as the bad guy! I don't get it.

Ok, sorry everyone I totally went OT.

I have an idear. Lets start a new thread to see what the rest of the ladies (and gents) think.


----------



## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

When someone asks you what you want for your birthday the first several things that come to mind are actually for your kid

When, for the first time in 7 months you have both the toddler free time and the money to go get your hair cut and the wait at your normal place is longer than they'll be open you'd rather drive to the next town and look for another hair place than go home. Not that you care that much about the hair cut, but because going home means your kid free time will end.


----------



## DogwoodFairy (Jan 11, 2008)

When everything you ever need is on the floor of your car.

You see a mom from your child's playgroup at the mall and know her son's name but not hers.

When you enjoy shopping for baby clothes, toys and diaper bags with the same intensity and passion as the adult stuff (books! shoes! pretty household things!) you _used_ to shop for.

When you get the kids & gear into your car (finally!) and have to check to see whether you have slippers or shoes on.

What a FUN thread! Thanks everyone for sharing, I related to SO many of these.


----------



## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Everything that can come out of a human body has either been on your clothes or hands at some point. Sometimes both. And it was no big deal.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

You go to youtube from your iPhone when you can't sleep at night to watch birth videos.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
Everything that can come out of a human body has either been on your clothes or hands at some point. Sometimes both. And it was no big deal.











I'll admit I still have a bit of trouble with either vomit or large amounts of poop on my bare skin, but if someone had told me 20 years ago how _little_ I'd care about being peed on, spat up on, having baby poop running down my leg (where a diaper leaked while nursing) or cleaning up vomit, I'd have laughed at them, and probably been ill. All in a day's work these days, and most of it barely registers on me.


----------



## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2two babes* 
When you answer the door without realising that half of your nursing top is undone and one of the nanas is hanging out.

BTDT!!!!

... when somebody else throws up in your mouth and you think it's funny (okay, it's also really gross, but it _is_ funny).

... when you call your mother and say "Hi Grandma!"

... similarly, when you catch yourself calling your partner "Daddy" more often than you call him by his name

... when you crawl under furniture to unplug an appliance because the baby is just so _happy_ chewing on the cord

... when you can't remember the last time DH saw you with your hair combed or lipstick on. (Forget shaved legs, I don't think he's seen _that_ since our wedding night.







)

... when your definition of "a good day" is one in which you managed to wash the dishes or take a shower, but not both.

... when your definition of "clean" has devolved to "don't worry, I licked the binky off before giving it to the baby!"

... when you only type one-handed (i.e., right now)

... when you justify all manner of food indulgences by explaining, "I'm eating for two!"

... when you whip out a boob in front of your parish priest and then can't figure out why he looks uncomfortable

... when you switch to decaf just so that if you get a chance to nap during the day, you won't be too caffeinated to take advantage of it!

... when foreplay consists of whispering, "the baby's asleep"... and ends a few minutes later when said baby wakes up. Again.

... when you realize it has taken four hours of planning to be able to walk three blocks to the grocery store.

... when you have a master's degree, but feel illiterate and incompetent at every single well-baby visit

... when "running on baby time" becomes your foolproof excuse for arriving late to everything

... when you wake up every morning unable to feel one whole side of your body because you've been curled protectively around the baby all night

... when you don't bother changing your shirt to go out because the Ergo will hide all the spitup and pureed-food stains anyway

... when you write your to-do lists in two categories: 1) can do with a baby in my arms, and 2) have to do during naptime. And then you just ignore most of category 2 until some time after the baby is in preschool.


----------



## mummyofan (Jun 25, 2008)

you go out for the first evening for ages with your husband/other and you realise you've brought the daiper bag

You get excited about getting to bed at 930, where you used to get excited about going out at that time.

You're so hungry that when there's a poopy nappy that needs doing you 'multi task'

Also I've giggled at so many of these, but not enough time for them all.


----------



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Comtessa* 
BTDT!!!!

... when you write your to-do lists in two categories: 1) can do with a baby in my arms, and 2) have to do during naptime. And then you just ignore most of category 2 until some time after the baby is in preschool.











So true. If I actually get a nap time during the day, there's no way in he!! I'm doing chores through it.


----------



## Arianwen1174 (May 26, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
You constantly have to apologize to the neighbors for having to hear you yell things like "please stop sodomizing the dog," and "get out of Mommy's crotch when she is trying to pee-pee on the potty!"












Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
You realize you don't just have to breastfeed your baby. You also have to breastfeed dolls, various stuffed animals, and sometimes (when DD is particularly insistent) the cat.











When you find yourself taking the toilet off the floor to rescue the diaper cover you accidentally flushed while dunking it (and prevent a giganto plumbing bill).

When your kids are 17 & 19 and you still use the word potty on a regular basis--around grown people.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Comtessa* 
BTDT!!!!
... similarly, when you catch yourself calling your partner "Daddy" more often than you call him by his name

... when you crawl under furniture to unplug an appliance because the baby is just so _happy_ chewing on the cord

... when you can't remember the last time DH saw you with your hair combed or lipstick on. (Forget shaved legs, I don't think he's seen _that_ since our wedding night.







)

... when you whip out a boob in front of your parish priest and then can't figure out why he looks uncomfortable

*... when foreplay consists of whispering, "the baby's asleep"... and ends a few minutes later when said baby wakes up. Again.*

... when you don't bother changing your shirt to go out because the Ergo will hide all the spitup and pureed-food stains anyway

I bolded that one because DH was reading after I went to take care of the baby and had it highlighted and was laughing when I got back.

Also, I've been known to go shopping or whatever without a bra (even in shirts where you can "see") because I know the Ergo will cover up the important bits.


----------



## lovemybubus (Oct 2, 2007)

When you pull into a parking spot at the grocery store and find a Hot Wheel in your cleavage. But instead removing it you put it back so that you know exactly where it is when your son asks for it. And you leave it there for the entire shopping trip (forgetting about it again) until you get home.


----------



## crabbyowl (May 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
Mom jeans, comfy shoes and a non-stained shirt is your version of dressy-casual.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
You've decided that shaving is a lost cause because, let's face it, who are you trying to impress anyway?


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
You stick your nose 3 cm from your baby's butt to see if it needs to be wiped anymore.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Comtessa* 
... when you have a master's degree, but feel illiterate and incompetent at every single well-baby visit

... when you write your to-do lists in two categories: 1) can do with a baby in my arms, and 2) have to do during naptime. And then you just ignore most of category 2 until some time after the baby is in preschool.

YES!

And you REALLY know you're a mom when these things make you happier than you ever thought possible, and don't care that everyone else (DH included) thinks you're a little loopy because of it!







(Well, except the WBV one - that's really annoying!)


----------



## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

...when you are able to say, in a calm voice, "It is not polite to come into the bathroom while someone is in the shower and make a smelly poop without asking if it's okay." We have another half-bath he could have used!


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You still agonize that you can't possibly live without that outfit that you saw in the store, but you don't buy them for yourself anymore. You're obsessed with it for someone else.

Before you can say anything, your family practitioner always answers the phone with "oh, hello again Mrs. ____"

You have the doctor's office phone number memorized. (Okay, okay, so for me it was easy. His number is 887-6543







)

There is always screaming going on at your house, but the neighbors never call the cops. (I mean children screaming, of course. Not parents screaming at children.)

Your MIL changed her mind and decided she wants to be friends after all.

All of your household pets have to start going on anxiety medication.

YOU have to start going on anxiety medication.

You don't care that your hair is greasy, your legs are unshaved, and you're starting to get wrinkles. If it'll keep your husband off of you tonight, it's worth it because you are going to go postal if one more person touches you.

Five hours of sleep a night is MORE than acceptable. In fact, it's not even the minimum you ask for.

You haven't been interested in toys since you were eleven, but suddenly that wooden princess castle with furniture, removable turrets, flags, princess dolls and little wooden pink ponies is the COOLEST. THING. EVER. And you're pretty sure you can't live without it. In fact, you hide it from your LO so you can play with it first before you give it to them.


----------



## _ktg_ (Jul 11, 2008)

* You consider giving your co-workers a T.O. when they are in the middle of throwing a tantrum over something like coffee pot is empty or the printer is out of paper.

*You begin to compare yourself to a chew toy instead of a human being, when your babe is teething

*You instantly recognize a stain on a shirt and where it came from even if it was "clean"

*You never leave home without your ecco/carrier no matter what

*You know more about pirates, redcoats and gaul warriors than you ever expected in your life... and are a-ok about it


----------



## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amberskyfire* 
You still agonize that you can't possibly live without that outfit that you saw in the store, but you don't buy them for yourself anymore. You're obsessed with it for someone else.

Before you can say anything, your family practitioner always answers the phone with "oh, hello again Mrs. ____"

You have the doctor's office phone number memorized. (Okay, okay, so for me it was easy. His number is 887-6543







)

There is always screaming going on at your house, but the neighbors never call the cops. (I mean children screaming, of course. Not parents screaming at children.)

Your MIL changed her mind and decided she wants to be friends after all.

All of your household pets have to start going on anxiety medication.

YOU have to start going on anxiety medication.

You don't care that your hair is greasy, your legs are unshaved, and you're starting to get wrinkles. If it'll keep your husband off of you tonight, it's worth it because you are going to go postal if one more person touches you.

Five hours of sleep a night is MORE than acceptable. In fact, it's not even the minimum you ask for.

You haven't been interested in toys since you were eleven, but suddenly that wooden princess castle with furniture, removable turrets, flags, princess dolls and little wooden pink ponies is the COOLEST. THING. EVER. And you're pretty sure you can't live without it. In fact, you hide it from your LO so you can play with it first before you give it to them.









You're on a roll!


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Your vacuuming schedule is dictated by how many times you say, "What did you find?" to your newly mobile infant


----------



## nudhistbudhist (Jan 13, 2009)

You find yourself having to clean brown streaks off the toilet seat on a daily basis... why must he insist on eating peanut butter toast on the toilet???

You hide in the bathroom to eat goodies


----------



## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

When you keep the kids in the carseats and go grab the mail down your driveway, just to get 1 minute to yourself. (at least days like that are rare)

Jessica


----------



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

When you find it totally acceptable to be rude to strangers who try to scare your children on purpose on Halloween.









When you allow the baby to chew on one page of your book to keep her happy while you read the other.

When you can think of 342957483758932 different uses for a cardboard box.

When a flashlight was the best $3 purchase you've made in 3 years.

When you can't remember how much coffee you've had today, and you still feel tired.

When you count jumping on the bed as exercise.


----------



## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

These are great

-when you remind anyone and everyone who approaches the cat to be gentle!

-when you honestly can't remember what it felt like to feel rested

-when you and hubby sleep in different rooms because he snores and his waking you up in the middle of the night with his glaoting sounds of slumber is grounds for divorce

-when you instantly regret those days when you try to look nice. Without fail you will get stains on the last remaining sweater without them.

-clean clothes mean clothing with no offensible odors, but stains are game

-you daydream about the way your body used to look and wonder why the heck you complained all those years when clearly you looked like a supermodel compared to what your body looks like now...

-you are appalled when people make family-get together dinner reservations for 7PM Jeez, why not make it midnight while you're at it!

-Sex seems kind of exhausting and pointless unless there's a baby making reason behind it...

-cutting your hair yourself seems like a good idea...

- you know more about your uterus than you ever thought possible


----------



## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
You can't watch a movie without subtitles on because, after so many times doing it that way (so you can turn down the volume), you can't understand what any of the actors are saying.

You can't understand why the rest of the world isn't ready to do something at 9 AM on a Saturday (seriously, get out of bed people!).

YES to both of these!!!


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 
-you daydream about the way your body used to look and wonder why the heck you complained all those years when clearly you looked like a supermodel compared to what your body looks like now...









YES!! I found some old pics of myself from high school. I thought I was HUGE (granted, I had unhealthy body image...but anyway) and started laughing and told DH "I'd KILL to look like that right now. Man, I took that tummy for granted."

- DH gets off the phone with MIL around 7pm saying "they're eating dinner" and you find yourself saying "They're JUST eating dinner??" in a shocked voice.

- You've threatened to beat anyone that calls after 8pm...9pm? Grounds for murder.

- You remember the days when your night STARTED at 10pm...

- ...and the days when 10am was early.


----------



## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LauraLoo* 
When you're a guest at someone else's home and you forget for a moment that you really should close the bathroom door.

Totally done that!

2 mom moments I've had:

I recently spent an entire morning running errands with a wadded up washcloth shoved in one side of my bra. I do that when I'm at home instead of using my nice decent looking nursing pads.

I gushed on the phone to one of DH's childless friends about how one of the highlights of my childfree trip to NYC with my girlfriends was eating cupcakes in bed at midnight. I am so lame...


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You are seriously considering getting a dog so you don't have to clean the floor so much.

When you first saw the Roomba, you were sure they had made it just for you.

You take your kids to Macy's under the pretense of letting them look at all of the Christmas trees, but really you just want to sit in that massage chair they have out on display for customers to try.

Your Christmas list for yourself is actually 90% items for your kids. The other 10% includes: a shower, sleep, and five minutes of peace and quiet.

You can't believe you ever actually spent an HOUR making a meal. Now your cooking repertoire consists only of things that can be made within ten minutes and if possible, only one pan.

"Leftovers night" is like your version of Saturday off work because you don't have to cook anything.

You really have no idea what is going on in the world right now. News? Pshaw! You're lucky if you can figure out what's on sale at the grocery store this week.


----------

