# Alright, fess up. Who else does this?



## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

So DH and I have not been sleeping in the same room most nights for about...2.5 years. We have tried and tried and tried to get him to come back in the room with us, but he and DS are both VERY light sleepers and keep each other up all night.

Everyone who "finds out" that we do this is appalled (even AP moms I know) and thinks our marriage must be in trouble. They always follow up by asking if we're okay or even (the gall) offering to baby sit so that we can go to marriage counseling. The social marriage construct makes us closeted about it, and I'm tired of it being this huge secret because honestly, it doesn't really bother either of us.

We have a wonderful relationship and love being married to each other. He is a great dad and spends tons of time with the kids. We make couple time a big priority and have a great sex life. I just can't figure out why I feel so embarrassed to tell anyone when they ask. I've even lied (several times).

Does anyone else do this? I can't be the only mom with an insomniac partner. Do you tell other people or just keep it to yourself?


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## 2goingon2 (Feb 8, 2007)

We do it too. Add my snoring to the mix. We haven't slept in the same bed together in over a year. Our marriage is great! Why in the world is it anyone else's business?!!


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## Catubodua (Apr 21, 2008)

i'm jealous - i want to do that but hubby won't go for it. he's a bad snorer and tosses and turns and drives me nuts. i'd love for him to be in another bed.


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## VBMama (Jan 6, 2004)

3 years and counting for separate beds and separate rooms for us. We cosleep with all the kids, me with the nursing youngest and dh with the older kid(s). Our marriage is great! I do miss dh and look forward to when the kids are all sleeping independently, but we're doing fine.


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## sassycat (Jan 1, 2009)

we've only slept in the same bed probably 10 times since the baby was born 7 months ago. about a third of the time, he is in a separate bed across the room, but usually he just sleeps in another room. i am fine with it mostly. he is a terrible snorer. when i was pregnant we slept seperately too, in the begining i was more comfortable on the couch or the floor when i was feeling sick, and at the end i moved to the bed but needed all of it, so he took the couch.

i love my husband, but i cant say we dont have our issues. for a while he was pretty upset that we slept seperatly and wanted to move dd to a crib so he could come back (that wasnt even the reason he wasnt there, but whatever), but since i nixed that idea, for some reason hes not complaining anymore. lately ive found myself wishing that i actually wanted him in bed.. but, yeah we are fine the way it is. (still havent figured out the dtd thing now that theres a baby here though, so im sure once we figure that out eveyone will be happier anyway)


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

We just started doing this. We both snore and we think DH may have sleep apnea, which makes for pretty crappy sleep all around. We cosleep/bedshare with DD and whenever she wakes to nurse, she cries. Loudly. It doesn't bother me, but it makes it harder for DH, who is already dead tired every single morning. So just a few days ago we had him start sleeping in our guest room (we probably would have tried this earlier but didn't have a guest room before!).

I don't know how I feel about it yet.


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## srs (Nov 8, 2007)

Just my sleep apnea public service announcement for the snorers: do get it checked out if the snoring is a problem for one or both spouses. My DH finally went to the doctor after I asked him to sleep in a seperate room from DD and me when she was about a year old. I had thought it was DD keeping me up, but no, it was DH. Anyway, he got a CPAP machine, and we are all so much happier. We sleep together again, and the only regret I have is that he didn't get it sooner, and both of us spent years being sleep deprived from his snoring, both before and after DD was born.

Although I will add that if you choose to sleep alone, it really is no one's business and says nothing about your marriage. Whatever works.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

We have musical beds. ALmost always, I'm in bed with DD. DH sometimes joins us. Sometimes he sleeps in DS's bed with him. Sometimes DH comes to "the big bed" after having fallen asleep with DS, then I kick him out (snoring) and he goes to the couch or the guest bed. Sometimes DS comes in bed wtih me and DD. Sometimes DS joins DH in the guest bed. Rarely, but it does happen, I make sure DH is in our bed with DD, and go lie down with DS if he's had a bad dream or is sick and wants only mommy. Etc....

My most preferred arrangement is me & DD having the king size to ourselves!


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
So DH and I have not been sleeping in the same room most nights for about...2.5 years. We have tried and tried and tried to get him to come back in the room with us, but he and DS are both VERY light sleepers and keep each other up all night.

Everyone who "finds out" that we do this is appalled (even AP moms I know) and thinks our marriage must be in trouble. They always follow up by asking if we're okay or even (the gall) offering to baby sit so that we can go to marriage counseling. The social marriage construct makes us closeted about it, and I'm tired of it being this huge secret because honestly, it doesn't really bother either of us.

We have a wonderful relationship and love being married to each other. He is a great dad and spends tons of time with the kids. We make couple time a big priority and have a great sex life. I just can't figure out why I feel so embarrassed to tell anyone when they ask. I've even lied (several times).

Does anyone else do this? I can't be the only mom with an insomniac partner. Do you tell other people or just keep it to yourself?

No, we all four sleep together in our queen size bed, but many nights I sure as heck wish he would go sleep in his own bed because he is a light sleeper when first falling asleep and sometimes the girls take a while to fall asleep, which leads to him getting cranky and mean. I'd rather he just shut up and go sleep somewhere else. I figure if he can't deal with a little chatter for a couple minutes after getting into bed, then he needs to sleep alone. But he doesn't leave. He has this sense of entitlement when it comes to the bed. So I say put up or shut up (to him).







Most nights it's not an issue at all, but those rare moments when he gets cranky and self-important (as though he's the ONLY one tired), I want to kick him out.


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## caro113 (Aug 25, 2008)

Most of the time we don't sleep together. DD likes to sleep in bed with both of us but she usually ends up kicking one of us out - literally. That and the fact that DP and I both hate getting up with her in the middle of the night so when we do we usually get angry with the other. And DP snores like a train. It's horrible.

Our entire relationship we have slept apart more than we have together. Most of my pregnancy he was working swing shift so we really HAD to sleep apart.

I don't think there's really anything wrong with it, as long as you both are okay with it.


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## Thing1Thing2 (Apr 30, 2008)

DH and I have slept apart for almost a year now. I didn't realize how much his snoring was keeping me up until we had DS. Now I know why I was always tired and slept in after he went to work! It turns out he keeps DS up at night too, soooo... Ds and I moved to a different room and I've never slept so well in the 7years Ive been married. Oh, and we have a great marriage relationship. One of the best... But I plan on having him get the sleep apnea checked out like pp suggested..


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## judejude (Jul 15, 2005)

I feel for you, but seriously you have to just try to let it roll off your back - people are so clueless.

Our dd has an anxiety disorder, as well as other physical and mental illnesses. She's slept with us her whole life and she will be 14 in Oct.

For the most part I think people don't say as much as they would because dd has a disability, and so they let me off the hook, so to speak.

I did have a therapist I was seeing ask me about my sex life with my husband since we had a family bed. It was totally out of context and there was no reason for the question. I told her it was offensive and I told her why. I still don't think she got it.

My mom who has never said much, just a few weeks ago, made some comment to me about kids who are exposed to sex, or something like that. The general idea was that she apparently thought, for the last 13 years, that we have been having sex in our bed with our daughter!!!!!???????!!!!!!







:







That is just gross.

I've also heard people talk about how people in developing countries sleep all together and they can't figure out how the woman gets pregnant with all those kids in their bed.

My husband and I have a great sex life and a great relationship. People are so narrow minded and just plain ignorant that they can't picture anything different than what they do.

Lie to them if it is easier for you, but otherwise just tell it like it is - either way it's your business.


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## Jessnet (Apr 11, 2009)

Yep, we do it too. DS and I are in a queen in DS's room while DP gets to sleep all alone in the master bedroom.


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## Nikola's_Mommy (Apr 27, 2009)

I also sleep with dd on a queen mattress on the floor and DH sleeps in the master bedroom. We often slept apart even before dd came along just because we both got the best sleep that way. I get lots of judgements and "advice" from others when they find out about our sleeping arrangements which I just ignore.

To be completely honest, I think separate bedrooms and bathrooms has greatly enhanced our marriage.


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## onyxravnos (Dec 30, 2006)

not for the same reasons but me and DH do not sleep in the same bed either although we are in the same room. He and (when we have her) his daughter sleep in 'his' bed and me and DS (and also DS2 when he comes) Sleep in the other one. for us it isn't a permanent situation but at least for the next year that's how it's going to be.... I kinda like it.


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## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

we play musical beds all night. just depends where/who with/ when we each fall asleep. there are endless combinations:

me asleep on the couch with one or both kids

dh on the couch by himself or with dd

me in bed by myself or with one or both kids

dh in bed with one or both kids

dd in papasan chair

ds on floor

me in the bathtub

dh in his chair..............

dh is disabled and keeps weird hours. i am a night owl and a long sleeper. we've had sleep "issues" before we ever had kids and started co-sleeping.


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
We have a wonderful relationship and love being married to each other. He is a great dad and spends tons of time with the kids. We make couple time a big priority and have a great sex life.

This. exactly! And we've slept in seperate beds at least 9 years (out of 21 together). Even before kids we've always kept different hours so this is what works. I don't think anyone has ever asked me about it before though. I guess I would just start telling them in detail how much we have sex, when and where.







Since they really wanna know....
I mean, I would consider that an intrusion of my privacy esp. as you described. Why on earth would anyone concern themselves with someone else's sleeping arrangements?







:


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Catubodua* 
i'm jealous - i want to do that but hubby won't go for it. he's a bad snorer and tosses and turns and drives me nuts. i'd love for him to be in another bed.

DITTO! I often times (As recent as last night!) go out onto the couch. Because he can fall asleep within 30 seconds and is sawing wood to beat the band. Im fine if I can fall asleep before him, but then there are the babies night wakings, and I have to try to fall BACK asleep. If hes snoring, forget it! A part of me can't wait til the toddler gets a "big boy" bed, because then I will just go sleep with him.........hehehhe


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My dh and I haven't slept in the same room for probably 8 years, since I got pregnant with #1 and slept so poorly that I kept waking dh up. And our relationship is fabulous. Our sex life is excellent. We are all very happy. Whatever works for the people involved is the right choice.


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## Therese's Mommy (Jan 15, 2005)

I never quite understood other people's concern over where everyone in the house sleeps. DD#2 and I slept in the guest room for probably over a year while Dh and DD#1 slept in our room. DD#2 was a terrible sleeper because of food allergies and it just worked better for everyone.

This reminds me of the annoyance my dad had when DD#1 was little and Dh and I never consumed our dinner at the same time. He and his gf would get so worked up because one of us would hold her while the other ate. We were all together, just not shoving food in our mouths at the same time. The 2 of them would go on and on during dinner about how awful it was and that we needed to do something different so that we could eat at the same time. It never bothered us in the slightest (who really cares??), but their constant nagging while we were eating with them caused some pretty nasty indigestion for me







:

Beth


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## JavaJunkie (Jan 16, 2009)

My husband and I slept in the same bed for about the first 2 years of our marriage. We've slept separately for the past 13 years(yesterday marked our 15th anniversary). He's in the army, and after a particularly long separation, we just got too used to sleeping alone. He has sleeping issues, anyway, and this helps us both. Also, he sleeps on our couch. He says it's way more comfortable for him than our bed. LOL

It works wonderfully for us.


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## mommy2two babes (Feb 7, 2007)

We do this and we are both very happy with the set up.
DH sleeps in the master on a queen ( where we have our fun







)
I sleep in another one of the bedrooms with both kids on a double and a single pushed together. DD also has a bed in her own room but she rarely sleeps there. If she does fall asleep in there I usually bring her into bed with DS and I when I go ( she sleep walks and gets very scared when she wakes up on her own where ever she has slept walked to)

We have great s*x lives and marriage just because we dont sleep in the same bed shouldn't matter.
DH doesn't like being woken up by the kids when he has to get up at 4am.
The kids and I don't like being woken up by snoring and an alarm going off at 4.


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## Deir (Aug 19, 2005)

Sure-we've done that off and on since Myles was born. My MIL is always the most worried. I always want to say to her, "Do we have to be so boring to only have sex in our bed? " The funny part is- we got so good at sneaking around in highschool and college ( at MIL's house) we are FINE!!









wanted to add- since last year we have been sleeping together but now I am pg with #3 so soon that will end!


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## luv-my-boys (Dec 8, 2008)

We play musical beds most nights several times a night







The boys all have their own bed but ultimately when I wake up in the morning I dont know who I'll wake up to. DH often takes the empty bed for his sanity as he is all about personal space and not feeling cramped in bed. I love all the hugs and feeling my babies smooshed next to me







And our marriage is perfectly fine...obviously we have a bed full of babies


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## georgiegirl1974 (Sep 20, 2006)

I could have written your post. When DD was born, DH stopped sleeping with us because they are both light sleepers. I ended up sleeping with DD until I got pregnant (she was 2.5). For a few months, I slept on a different bed in the same room as her as a transition. Once DD started sleeping through the night regularly (in April), I moved back into the master bed and DH and I slept together. Then when DS was born in July, DH moved to the basement. DS alternates between sleeping in the swing and with me in bed. Hopefully I wont be separated from DH for so long this time.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Wow, so lots of people do this! I don't feel so weird now. We've talked about it so many times, and what it finally comes down to is that we both need to get the best sleep possible, and the kids need to get good sleep too. Our bed is for sleeping. Why can't the rest of the house be for sex?









My mom is the one that I hide this from the most. When we moved recently, we stayed with them for a few weeks and DH would always try to be in our bed for appearances, and he would end up in the spare room anyway. We just told my mom that everyone was having trouble sleeping because of the move. I usually get something about how it's not fair that I'm the only one dealing with the kids at night, but I love it that way, and DH is a miserable grump when he deals with the kids.

He still tells me every night though, "Come get me if you need me." And there have been plenty of nights when I have, or mornings when I wanted to sleep in.

I guess everyone is right. As long as we're happy, it really is no one else's business.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Yeah, we've come up with this whole code language regarding sex. "Do you want a visit tonight?" "Maybe you'll come by a little later?" LOL. We are much more rested when sleeping separately, and when little kids are in the house, better rested = more sex.


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## spirit4ever (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
We have musical beds. ALmost always, I'm in bed with DD. DH sometimes joins us. Sometimes he sleeps in DS's bed with him. Sometimes DH comes to "the big bed" after having fallen asleep with DS, then I kick him out (snoring) and he goes to the couch or the guest bed. Sometimes DS comes in bed wtih me and DD. Sometimes DS joins DH in the guest bed. Rarely, but it does happen, I make sure DH is in our bed with DD, and go lie down with DS if he's had a bad dream or is sick and wants only mommy. Etc....

My most preferred arrangement is me & DD having the king size to ourselves!









Oh wow, this is exactly how we are, just with one more ds!!!!!!!! And my most fav arrangement is just me and dd in our king too!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *srs* 
Just my sleep apnea public service announcement for the snorers: do get it checked out if the snoring is a problem for one or both spouses. My DH finally went to the doctor after I asked him to sleep in a seperate room from DD and me when she was about a year old. I had thought it was DD keeping me up, but no, it was DH. Anyway, he got a CPAP machine, and we are all so much happier. We sleep together again, and the only regret I have is that he didn't get it sooner, and both of us spent years being sleep deprived from his snoring, both before and after DD was born.

Although I will add that if you choose to sleep alone, it really is no one's business and says nothing about your marriage. Whatever works.









What kind of dr do you go to for this? DH snores and this is the #1 reason why he doesn't sleep in the bed with me and DD. I repeatedly tell him to get this checked out. His father sleeps w/a machine b/c of the snoring, and I have a feeling like he might have apnea b/c sometimes his snoring is really loud...then stops...and I shake him b/c I'm not sure he's breathing still.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
He still tells me every night though, "Come get me if you need me." And there have been plenty of nights when I have, or mornings when I wanted to sleep in.

I guess everyone is right. As long as we're happy, it really is no one else's business.

Yes, this!
As long as you're happy and this works for you and your marriage, it is nobody's business but yours where you guys are sleeping.
So, we do this, obviously, and one day I was telling my co-worker that I sleep w/DD and DH sleeps out in the living room. She was appalled. I said, it's really not that big of a deal, I love sleeping w/DD. She had the audacity to say, "At that rate there won't *be* a #2," and I was like, "Um...excuse me? There are many other places for that. More fun places."

She turned beet red and that was the last I heard about it from her.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

There are times DH sleeps in a separate room. He does this often enough for me to know that we'd all sleep better if it were a more permanent arrangement. I even think we'd DTD more often because we'd be so much better rested. But he can't give up the idea of us sharing a bed. I'm jealous of you!!!


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## VeganCupcake (Jun 13, 2007)

I spend most of the time in bed with DD, but sometimes I start out the night with DH in our bed. It's just easier this way. We have a great marriage, too. I do wish we had a little more alone time, but it's just a phase of our life together with little ones.

My DH has sleep apnea, so having a sleep study and getting a CPAP was the greatest decision we made for his health. It's wonderful for all of us--he is more rested, and I don't have to feel like I'm sleeping with a bear.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

DP was relegated to the couch shortly after DD was born two years ago. His snoring has gotten so much worse with his age and weight gain and I could not deal with it when she would wake to nurse every couple hours and then his loud snoring would make it hard for her to fall asleep or even if she did go right back to sleep *I* wasn't able to go back to sleep. A mama with a new born, who is laying in bed getting an average of three hours of sleep (never in a row) a night can turn to all sorts of horrible thoughts about her man if it's 3:00 and she could be sleeping, both her kids are sleeping, but her DP who gets 6 - 8 hours in a row nightly is snoring so loud he's keeping her up. Seriously if he hadn't moved to the couch I might have smothered him with a pillow in the middle of the night.


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## MammaG (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm another one who is jealous of your arrangements! We have two DSs and a third on the way, and it would be a HUGE help if I could get DH to sleep in the guest room with one or two kids. He loves co-sleeping with our boys, but he seems to feel that sleeping in seperate beds will be the death-knell of our marriage. I don't quite get this point of view, as we've already made the decision that our 'marriage bed' is actually a 'family bed'. I'm going to have him read this thread!


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## paulamc (Jun 25, 2008)

Ridiculous! Sleep is a completely different issue from marriage / intimacy in my view. We have a king mattress on the floor but even so, DH usually sleeps in another room. DS wakes to nurse several times a night, and invariably cries to let me know he has woken up. This naturally disturbs DH, who needs his sleep in order to perform in his job. And I find the baby and I (or at least I) sleep better when we have the bed to ourselves.

In fact, DH and I often slept separately before the baby came along, because he sometimes snores and I'm a really light sleeper. We just sleep better that way, and are better people during the day as a result.

Sometimes when people comment on our arrangement, I mention this article (To Have, to Hold, to Cherish Until Bedtime) I read in the NY Times a while back about how one of the hottest new features in new homes and home renovations is the dual master bedroom. So really, the practice is quite trendy and the person commenting is very behind the times









http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/11/us/11separate.html


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## nsmomtobe (Aug 22, 2009)

I am the insomniac and light sleeper in our relationship, and in our 8 years of marriage, we have never shared a bed for more than a couple nights in a row (always on weekends, often because we have company or are visiting others). I have a queen-sized bed, in which DH often starts the night with me, but once I start tossing and turning, he will usually get up and go across the hall, to the single bed he has slept in since childhood (he brought it when he moved).

Now that I am pregnant, we are evaluating our future sleeping arrangements. I really don't feel comfortable sharing a bed with a baby given my seeming inability to share a bed. Originally, we were going to move DH's bed downstairs, where he could sleep undisturbed away from me and baby because he will have to go to work in the morning, whereas I will be home for the first year. I was planning to get a bassinet to put beside my bed so the baby would be at arm's reach for night time feedings, etc. But I have been reading scary things about bassinets, and I don't think that they are meant to hold the baby for very long--besides the 15-18 lb maximum weight most seem to have, my reading tells me that babies should not sleep in bassinets once they can roll over. So now I'm wondering whether it would be best to skip the bassinet and just use a crib. Of course I cannot fit a crib in the room with my queen-sized bed. So now I'm thinking that I should put the crib across the hall in the room with DH's bed, so I can sleep there beside the baby and leave DH in my bed. Of course I can't seem to talk about this process of trying to figure out sleeping arrangements with anyone I know because as soon as I mention the possibility of sleeping in a different room than DH (which I do already), they start to lecture me on how important it is not to sleep apart from him. I am trying to get around it with the "he needs to get up to work in the morning, so it's no good for the baby to wake both of us up at night" but I think somehow I am only accomplishing making him look like a jerk. Honestly, it's me that can't share a bed.


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## everything to one (Aug 17, 2009)

you hit a nerve with me! lol. when our baby was younger my husband slept on the couch a lot bc he said he didnt get good sleep when he worried about rolling on her. Now, my husband and i sleep separate most nights because we only have queen beds which are too small for a wiggly toddler and the two of us. so i sleep on the guest bed (aka toddler bed- we put the mattress on the floor) with our 20 month old daughter. i am hesitant to tell people but also dont want to lie so i usually just say (if it comes up) that she sleeps in her own bed and my hubby sleeps in the master bed and i go between. some nights more than others. i have gotten grief from family and friends about what this is "doing to our relationship" and that its "not healthy". i tell them that while i do miss cuddling in the morning and "sleeping-in" together, those things wouldnt happen anyway with a baby who's up at the crack of dawn. and while we dont have sex as often as we did before having a baby, its more related to being tired not to our sleeping arrangement. we dont have trouble finding a place or time to have it when we want! but yes, i have been embarrassed to talk about it for fear that it looks like im putting my child above my husband, when really my husband and i are a team doing what we feel is best for our child. My aunt and uncle have lived their whole lives in the mountains in a small log cabin. im assuming it was also r/t the size of the sleeping courters but she slept with her children in their beds until they were old enough to sleep alone. i think being from the mountains gave her a pass to be different (than the rest of the family). since im a city gal i guess im expected to put my baby in a crib to cry while i pretend im a newlywed again?? lol. i read in a book called "Biblical Parenting" (advocating AP) that you cant go backwards. when you get married, even if you get divorced, you are an ex-wife or ex-husband, it still affects the person you are today. and in the same way when you become parents you cant go backward. even when your kids are grown you will be a parent. our society places so much importance on making your baby independent at a very young age and then going backward- acting like you are just a couple without children! (how many times have i heard that we need to get a baby sitter to have "date night" when really we just dont want to leave her with anyone! we're comfortable with our new rolls and want to have her around us! we'd rather have "family night!") anyway...thanks for bringing this up. its good to talk about it!!


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

we've slept separately for (most of) ds's first 3 years. Ds used to co-sleep either with me or with dh. We had only a double bed and a couch; also dh used to work night shifts for a while, so this is how we got the most sleep. For the past year we are together in the same bed, ds sleeps in his own room now and I can't believe how time flew by. Ds is welcome to join us anytime he wants (we have a queen bed now), but it's less and less frequently these days (maybe once a month).

With this new baby, we're getting ready for another couple of years of separate beds; I'll be going back to our double bed with baby.


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## GreenGranolaMama (Jul 15, 2009)

So glad to have found this! I thought we were the only ones!!!! DP is a very light sleeper and DS is a very noisy nurser. We tried with DS in a co-sleeper but the second he woke up and started to nurse, DP would wake up because of the slurping







So my parents gave us a queen bed they were not using and I put it in DS's room and have been sleeping on it with him.


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## D'sMama (May 4, 2008)

No, my DH and I sleep together with DS. But, I have to say I agree with you that people can make inappropriate (and rude) assumptions about the state of your marriage and sex life based on where both partners sleep. An in-law once volunteered that she knew of a family where the mother slept with the child who was 3ish, and the father slept separately - she actually had the gall to say "those are really messed up priorities."







:

There are so many reasons why people have "atypical" sleeping arrangements, and I don't see how it's _anyone_ else's business but the family's.


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## Om Girl (May 10, 2006)

We do this too!

DH started sleeping in a separate bed when I was pregnant with DD2 and has stayed there ever since. He helps put the girls to bed and then goes to bed himself. He's a really light sleeper and cannot sleep with the girls. (I'm starting to feel the same way, but its the only solution for me to get a good nites sleep ATM)

I too feel uncomfortable talking about it with other, even AP parents. Usually I don't answer questions about our sleeping arrangements. We do have a crib set up that DD2 sleeps in occasionally and DD1 has her own big girl bed set up, but it doesn't get much use.

You're not the only one!


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

We don't sleep in the same bed either. It's _better_ for our relationship given that I actually get some sleep, and don't anger DP by waking him up all the time asking him to turn over or stop moving or whatever. I'm a really sensitive sleeper and he is not, plus he's wiggly and snores. dd usually sleeps with him... she'll start out in her bed and move to ours at some point in the night, and I usually sleep on the couch. I like it here just fine. dd is like him and moves around a lot (and snores!), and doesn't generally wake up easy, so it's a good fit four our family.


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## widemouthedfrog (Mar 9, 2006)

We do this as well. Dh has a hard time getting back to sleep when dd wakes up at night. I don't. So I sleep with dd, and we both love it. I also wear medical equipment that is sometimes noisy at night, and dh is bothered by the noise. Dd has heard it since she was born, so she just rolls over and goes back to sleep. I will be very lonely if dd ever decides that she wants her own bed!


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## JorgieGirl (May 13, 2006)

Add us to the list!

I sleep with DD in her room and DH sleeps in the master bedroom. We have a fantastic relationship and great sex life. Until I am not needed in the night by any babies/toddlers we don't mind this arrangement. DH understands that our babies need me for such a short time in the grande scheme of things. He gets me for the rest of our lives.

Also, he needs his sleep for his job and a crying or tossing toddler at night doesn't bode well for that.


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## Nim (Sep 11, 2009)

I did this with DD when she was still nursing during the night-because she would wake DH and I didn't see why BOTH of us should lose sleep because of it. So I slept in the nursery with her instead for several months.
I also slept separately when I was pregnant with DS-and for a little while after he was born but he proved to be SUCH a breathy sleeper I couldn't get any sleep with him in the same room with me! Disappointing for me because I did want to cosleep again( I love that special bond ) AND it's so much work to have to get up and go to another room several times a night!

I don't see why people think it's such a big deal sleeping separate- All you're doing is laying unconscious next to each other. How does that make or break a marriage?


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## jojoboy (Apr 26, 2009)

This is us too. Right now I'm sleeping with our second son in the Master bedroom and daddy sleeps in the top bunk of our bunk beds with our older son in the bottom bunk.









I never got why people equate sleeping together with the health of your marriage or sex life. Our sex life is way better now than it was when we were sleeping in the same room. Normalcy is overrated.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

We sleep together, but the funny part is how ppl assume that we don't have sex bc we have like 4-5 kids in the bed all the time.
I mean, come on, be a little creative!


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

DH and I have had our own bedrooms for over 2 years now. I am open about it, some people get it others don't and I just ignore them.







We are much happier when we do not sleep together. He likes the room warm, I like it cooler, I'm up half the night with insomnia, he snores.... I moved him back in my room towards my end of this last pg so that we could transition DD2 to sleeping with him, and both of us could not wait until he moved back downstairs. We have enough kids now that it really is a must to spilt up anymore, he takes one and I take the other two at night. We've seriously talked about adding on to the house to ensure that we can keep separate bedrooms.


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## letniaLynne (Jun 2, 2006)

Yep similar situation here! I sleep with DD2 in a queen in the spare room. My husband has the king in our room and DD1 has her own queen in her room. If DD1 needs tending in the middle of the night my husband with either go lie down with her in her queen bed or she will come to bed with him in his king.

We always joke that the families that have the true family bed where everyone is in One bed they must not get any sleep with all those bodies tossing, turning and snoring! We like our arrangement especially when we want some "US" time I can just go to our bedroom and we have the king all to ourselves!


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

My partner usually sleeps in a different room, because he snores. If he *didn*'t sleep in a different room, we might be divorced.







:


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
We sleep together, but the funny part is how ppl assume that we don't have sex bc we have like 4-5 kids in the bed all the time.
I mean, come on, be a little creative!

This cracks me up, because how on earth do they think you managed to conceive child #2,3,4,etc. ?


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## LaFlaca1226 (Oct 17, 2007)

DH and I start out the night together in our king sized bed, and DD is in her room in her double bed. I go sleep with her when she wakes up in the night, and I stay the rest of the night w/ her. This means DH and I get to be alone at bedtime







and my LO gets mommy the rest of the night.

In the book Roots by Alex Haley, it describes life in an African village (several hundred years ago), where the husband lived in an entirely different HOUSE! Mom had her own house with her kids, and Dad would just come to visit. Of course, much of family life took place in the village common areas - not inside the house. When the boys were around 6 or so, they would move to their father's house to learn about being a man. Not saying this is what I want to do, but it gives an interesting new perspective on married life and raising children together.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
This cracks me up, because how on earth do they think you managed to convince child #2,3,4,etc. ?









It cracks me up too, in several ways. And maybe they don't know where babies come from?


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## pumpkin (Apr 8, 2003)

DH has slept in the guest room for about 14 months. I had awful morning sickness and could not tolerate him jiggling the bed at all. Then we figured out pretty quickly that DD was only going to sleep if she was in bed with us and there isn't room for all 3. When we move we plan to buy a king size bed and then we can all sleep together.

Our marriage is just fine.

p.s. my parents have slept in separate rooms for several decades. I wouldn't call their marriage great, but it has nothing to do with the sleeping arrangements. They just have very different opinions about the ideal sleeping temperature.


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## rizzosanders (Sep 20, 2009)

We have had separate bedrooms since I was 8 months pregnant and snoring like crazy. We maintain the sleeping arrangement with DH in the guest bedroom and DD and myself in the master bedroom.

Great sex life takes place in every other room of the house, lol. I love having separate bedrooms!


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## cwoodard (Jun 10, 2008)

We sleep in separate rooms too so DH can get enough sleep for work since DS wakes up every 2 hours still at 19 months. Sometimes I feel resentful about the lack of help at night, but on the whole I'm fine with it and our marriage isn't suffering. I am the insomniac in our household (along with my son) and one less moving, breathing body to worry about helps me sleep slightly better. I tell people about it if it comes up, but don't go out of my way to share it.


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