# Is this generation of parents more likely to let their kids CIO?



## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

My mom and I were talking about how one of her co-workers was having an emotional breakdown because her daughter was letting her baby CIO for hours at a time. All of the women my mom works with were appalled that someone would let a baby cry itself to sleep. My mom told me "I'm so proud of you that you love your baby and don't let him cry it out. I think that's just neglect or abuse to do that to a poor helpless baby." (I love my mama!







). But it got me thinking- if all of these 40-50 year old women think CIO is horrible why does our generation find CIO to be the normal, mainstream thing to do?


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

I think this generation is used to getting things the way they want.. when they want it. Plus I think more working parents means less time to devote to babies nighttime needs. (Not saying that all working parents are like that obviously...).

Add to that the 8000 sleep books on the market and parents just don't believe that nightwaking in children is normal anymore.


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## Sagesgirl (Nov 22, 2001)

I think this generation of moms is more inclined to overthink things than previous generations. There wasn't really any such thing as a parenting expert until the seventies, but it certainly seems as if most of them have just lately sprung upon the scene. Can you imagine a Super Nanny 30 years ago?


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## Thorey (Aug 20, 2005)

I find the opposite to be true- in the 70's when I was born women were told by their pediatrician's to let their children cio from birth- most women bottle fed- it was at the height of the women's liberation movement- my mom did cio to me and my sister from birth- so did everyone she knew- she would feed us and attend to us if we woke up, but she put us down slightly awake and we cried ourselves to sleep from birth. She took a shower so she didn't have to hear it and if we were still crying after 15 minutes she knew something was wrong (we were usually asleep). most women were told to do this, and do something so they don't have to hear it- wash dishes, shower, whatever... Now, most pediatricians say rock, nurse.. whatever it takes to get your child to sleep for the first 3 months or so and if your child is waking frequently at 6 months then ferberize the child. Most parents I know would never cio with a newborn (but I do know one guy who did it with his newborn. I thought he was a freak and she is very shy now)- Anyhow, my understanding is that cio was more common when I was a baby and now our generation is resisting it and wondering whether or not it damaged us deep down.


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thorey* 
I find the opposite to be true- in the 70's when I was born women were told by their pediatrician's to let their children cio from birth- most women bottle fed- it was at the height of the women's liberation movement- my mom did cio to me and my sister from birth- so did everyone she knew- she would feed us and attend to us if we woke up, but she put us down slightly awake and we cried ourselves to sleep from birth. She took a shower so she didn't have to hear it and if we were still crying after 15 minutes she knew something was wrong (we were usually asleep). most women were told to do this, and do something so they don't have to hear it- wash dishes, shower, whatever... Now, most pediatricians say rock, nurse.. whatever it takes to get your child to sleep for the first 3 months or so and if your child is waking frequently at 6 months then ferberize the child. Most parents I know would never cio with a newborn (but I do know one guy who did it with his newborn. I thought he was a freak and she is very shy now)- Anyhow, my understanding is that cio was more common when I was a baby and now our generation is resisting it and wondering whether or not it damaged us deep down.

I agree 100% this.....I do feel that previous generations were much colder towards child-rearing. OTOH, it does seem like not many are bucking tradition now, and while things aren't quite as cold in general....there is still so much CIO crap, especially with people from older generations telling their kids to do these things with their own children.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

My aunt and uncle let my cousins CIO from birth, and forced them to sleep through the night starting at birth by putting them in a crib downstairs and shutting the door and them going upstairs to bed. My mom says thats child abuse and she wishes she had known about it then because she'd have turned them in. Of course my aunt and uncle were the opposite of attachement parenting. Heck my aunt and uncle were the opposite of LOVING parenting. My mom says she NEVER saw them hug or kiss on the kids when they were babies. It made her sick. My cousins now have major issues. The older one (1.5 years older than me) stole her parents van and drove it halfway across the country when she was 16 or 17, went from relationship to relationship to relationship. Finally rebelling to the point of getting into a same sex relationship (not a big deal to me, but a HUGE HUGE deal to my A&U) dropping out of school, leaving her gf and moving in with a very abusive man...it was bad...the younger one (6 months younger than me) was the opposite, she went in a thousand different directions trying to please her parent. Before finally finding love in a church (LDS) and now she's a devout LDS, married, 2 kids 2 and under (they are just over a year apart)...so I guess she kind of escaped the insanity...

As for parents this generation, for some reason I think this day and age people REALLY doubt their instincts and go with what the doctor tells them....sad really. Plus you can't see a show about babies without seeing CIO, it's a social norm...and seen as one of those "You HAVE to do it!" deals...think about the shows that are on? They all do CIO...


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## wildmonkeys (Oct 4, 2004)

I thought the opposite was true? My mom showed me the book from her docter instructing her to "put your baby in the bed and avoid returning until morning unless absolutely necessary" I have gotten the impression from her and other relatives that this whole "letting" the baby in the bed, not teaching your baby to sleep alone, extended breastfeeding (defined by them as more than a couple of months), "witholding" solids like cereal and stuff until 4 or 6 months, etc. etc. etc. is a new way of doing things? Even slings/bjorns and whatnot seem to amaze my mil & her friends???

Don't know - I could be wrong, but that is the impression I have gotten. As an aside, there seems to be alot of shame around CIO amongst the mainstream parents I know where I live. I don't really think CIO is mainstream in my community, but I could be wrong about that too.

BJ
Barney & Ben


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

I would agree the opposite tends to be true. My mom and MIL have both said that they wished they could openly co-sleep. They both struggled with night time parenting, feeling that CIO was wrong but that co-sleeping was also wrong. My FIL says that there was "a good 10 years where they never knew who would wake up in which bed" but ask them if they were co-sleeping, they would say no!

I think parents are more likely now to turn to sleep 'experts' and either decide firmly that CIO or co-sleeping are right/wrong and be more set into their methodology. Rather than stumbling through, doing the best they can and "hiding" co-sleeping behaviors... I don't know, just my observation.


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## Glover_Girls (Mar 20, 2006)

In the end, I think that parents are either learning from their parents or reading mainstream type parenting books. What they might be lacking is the confidence to go with their instincts. When mainstream parenting advice cautions against bed sharing and over-indulging our children, it's hard for a parent to reconcile that with how they might really feel about CIO.

For me, I went with what felt right to me, knowing that it was way different from anyone else I knew. But it was just me and dd from day 1 and there wasn't anyone else in the house to contradict me! It was only when I went online to find support and advice, that I discovered AP which totally resonated with me. And of course I found MDC and the community here is just fabulous!


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Thorey, I always thought that our generation was better than the 70s too. I was pretty amazed that all of the women who work with my mom thought CIO was horrible and abusive.

Quote:

Add to that the 8000 sleep books on the market and parents just don't believe that nightwaking in children is normal anymore.
so true, my ped. looked at me like something was wrong when I said Grey still wakes a few times at night at a year old. It's like people just expect them to come out of the womb and be just like little adults.

I definately agree with pp about this generation not trusting our own instincts and commonsense as much and turning to "experts" and books instead. Makes me sad....


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## Dal (Feb 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Glover_Girls* 
In the end, I think that parents are either learning from their parents or reading mainstream type parenting books.

My neighbour across the street and I were talking about co-sleeping and nursing. She mentioned that "the books" say that babies have no need at all to nurse or wake up at night beyond 6 months or so. Hmm. Not the books I read!


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## Dal (Feb 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveChild421* 
my ped. looked at me like something was wrong when I said Grey still wakes a few times at night at a year old. It's like people just expect them to come out of the womb and be just like little adults.

He should meet my 2.5 year old, who still wakes up about 3 times a night -- usually once about 5 hours after he falls asleep and then a couple of times closer to when he's going to wake up. At least I don't have to listen to mainstreamers asking me if he's sleeping through the night anymore; now they just assume that he is. I like to tell them otherwise to rattle them up and try to enlighten them.


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

My mom is 100% against CIO in any form. My MIL used it with her kids and thinks nothing is wrong with it (called it exersize!) they are only a few years different in age.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

My mom never let us cry it out, but the only time I remember getting to sleep with my folks was when I was sick. I was scared of the dark, too, and at one point my mom thought she should either bring me into their bed or sleep with me in my room, but Dad said no. One or the other did sometimes lie down with me if I was really feeling scared.

By the time I had my own, Dad was pretty open to attachment parenting. He died when my oldest dd was seventeen months old so I'm not sure how he REALLY would have felt about more extended breastfeeding or co-sleeping. Mom occasionally comments that it's time for my oldest dd to sleep on her own, but she doesn't push too hard.


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## Herausgeber (Apr 29, 2006)

I think it depends more on individual families than it does on generation. My mom didn't do CIO, and neither did her mom. My sister doesn't do it, and neither does my brother. They also cosleep with their children. There are some of my cousins who do CIO, but they're not exactly considered model parents. And contrary to what someone else said about working parents being more likely to use CIO, that's not been my experience. All the co-sleeping/non-CIO parents I mentioned above worked FT outside the home. I'm pretty sure none of them know what "attachment parenting" is, though. We just call it "parenting."

BFing was definitely not encouraged for our mothers, though. My grandmother bf her children, but my mother formula fed me ('77) and my sister ('81) and bf only my brother ('83), by which time it was more in fashion. My sister has "issues" and didn't bf, but other than that, everyone in my immediate family is extremely supportive of BF. Not in an activist-y way, just more like it's normal. I.e. of course that's how you feed your baby if you can.

I definitely wouldn't blame the women's movement for CIO. If anything, AP and the women's movement have had a lot of overlap over the years, ditto with the natural birth movement.


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Herausgeber* 
I'm pretty sure none of them know what "attachment parenting" is, though. We just call it "parenting."










I like that! I think it does vary from family to family and maybe even regionally. Here in the rural south is seems like even the people I meet who are totally mainstream in every other way co-sleep.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveChild421* 







I like that! I think it does vary from family to family and maybe even regionally. Here in the rural south is seems like even the people I meet who are totally mainstream in every other way co-sleep.

LoveChild, just out of curiosity -- do you find breastfeeding common or uncommon where you live? I live in the urban midwest, and I read somewhere that midwest and south are two of the regions with the lowest breastfeeding rates. I also wonder about differences between urban and rural areas. My mom's the only "urbanite/suburbanite" of her family which grew up on a farm, and I think most or all of the cousins besides me bottlefed. Don't have first cousins on my dad's side, as he was an only child.

That's cool about the co-sleeping. One of my friends calls our huge family bed a "******* bed"!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Oh and some church friends of ours moved to Mississippi a few years ago. On a a visit back the wife commented that, in her Mississippi church (same denomination), the ladies' retreats are always during the daytime, never overnight like the ones in the midwest. I think that's neat. She attributed it to the womens' belief that their men couldn't manage without them for very long -- but I kind of wonder if it's primarily about the kids. I personally won't go on overnight retreats while my kids are young and still need me (and don't go places without them in the daytime either while they need me), which makes me odd for here but maybe normal for the south.


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## boobs4milk (Jun 25, 2006)

i think each generation has their 'excuses' for CIO. my mom's was 'i am woman...hear me roar' and not be saddled to a baby 24/7







:

this generation seems to me to be a 'convenience' driven generation. it just isn't very convenient to be holding that baby all of the time. i mean, come ON, they carried it around for 9 months...they want their bodies back














<sarcasm>


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

I think this generation talks about their parenting choices far more in public, more than any other difference.


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## Herausgeber (Apr 29, 2006)

LoveChild, I also grew up in the rural south -- northwest Louisiana.

BFing isn't all that prevalent there amongst my age group, I don't think. At least among my cousins (most of whom are low income), the thinking seems to be why should they all go to the trouble when WIC is giving them all that formula for free.

I have one little cousin, who's just a few weeks old, who has spent most of his early life in and out of the doctor's office because of gastro issues. His mother is FFing him, and had been putting cereal in his little bottle when he was just a few days old. My grandmother calls me every day, freaking out about this, but we're at a loss as to what to do about it.


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## 2crazykids (Jun 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Herausgeber* 
LoveChild, I also grew up in the rural south -- northwest Louisiana.

BFing isn't all that prevalent there amongst my age group, I don't think. At least among my cousins (most of whom are low income), the thinking seems to be why should they all go to the trouble when WIC is giving them all that formula for free.

I have one little cousin, who's just a few weeks old, who has spent most of his early life in and out of the doctor's office because of gastro issues. His mother is FFing him, and had been putting cereal in his little bottle when he was just a few days old. My grandmother calls me every day, freaking out about this, but we're at a loss as to what to do about it.

That is the saddest thing I have heard all day!


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## bauchtanz (Nov 15, 2005)

I think it depends on how you were raised.
My Family are die hard BF'ers and such. But I know other families that did every thing the Dr. said. Even when it was stupid.

My mother is pretty hard core about not CIO - HER mother in law, my step grandmother told me week #1 that if I didn't let my DD cry her lungs would never develop (this is her mantra). My mother simply says: Babies cry for a reason.


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## bauchtanz (Nov 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Herausgeber* 
LoveChild, I also grew up in the rural south -- northwest Louisiana.

BFing isn't all that prevalent there amongst my age group, I don't think. At least among my cousins (most of whom are low income), the thinking seems to be why should they all go to the trouble when WIC is giving them all that formula for free.

I have one little cousin, who's just a few weeks old, who has spent most of his early life in and out of the doctor's office because of gastro issues. His mother is FFing him, and had been putting cereal in his little bottle when he was just a few days old. My grandmother calls me every day, freaking out about this, but we're at a loss as to what to do about it.

I have a co worker who adopted his neice (wife's brother's daughter).
His wife has the condtion where you can't eat wheat.
Now, I was told that any allergy in the family means an increase of others. I saw baby food in the fridge at work, and I am thinking, WTF? This kid is 4 weeks old! I said: Uh - isn't the baby at a higher risk because of your wife's allergies?

" Oh no, they don't know what really causes all of that."

Um, okay........

poor kid.


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## JennP (May 4, 2004)

My mom, raised in the 70's, is a CIO advocate. With that said she has never let a child cry for more than 10 minutes. I think that is a big difference. I don't understand letting a child cry let alone cry for HOURS. Who decided that a child can cry for an hour?!?!?!

My mom practiced CIO more than we would BUT I do think there is a big difference between letting a child cry for 10 minutes or cry for hours.

One of the neighbors said that they allowed one child to cry for 1 hour one night. That was not enough so the dh left the child to cry for 3 hours. 3 hours. How is that even possible. The convulsions would be HORRIBLE for the little one.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

The "old" generation did CIO, too. My mother's neighbor (in her 50s or 60s) told this story: her baby (not sure what age, but just a baby) wouldn't stop crying, so they put the crib in the _*BASEMENT!!*_ so they could get a good night's sleep without having to hear her cry.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

Being a member of the, ahem, "all of these 40-50 year old women" group (with a 5 year old to boot) I have to say that the only people who have ever suggested/encouraged/recommended sleep training or CIO to me have been moms in their 20's to early 30's.

My mom never did CIO (her kids were born in the 50-60's). She breast fed because she was too poor to FF and was ashamed because people knew she was so poor when they found out. She also buried lobster and shellfish shells in the backyard so that that people wouldn't know they were so poor they had to get their own food, but that's another story!

My sister never did CIO and her kids were born in the 80's.

My brother never did CIO and his kids were born in the early 90's.

At the last work baby shower I attended at least 75% of the moms mentioned using some kind of sleep training. They all talk about sleep, sleep, sleep like that is the major issue and it was like a contest about whose baby cried the longest or shortest, which baby slept thru the night the earliest. They were in utter disbelief when I said my son did "sleep thru the night" (midnight to 6:30am) starting at 7 weeks. They all wanted to know "how" I did it. I just said BF, co-sleeping and a lot of luck. But they all acted like the wanted some magic formula.


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

Our parents are 50 - 65 and they have all instructed us to CIO. They all said that they did it. So, I am surprised that the 45-50 group is anti CIO.


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

I don't think parents are following their instincts now or then. I think it's difficult to, we aren't used to using that part of the brain







I think (even AP parents) need to read books or go online or surround themselves with like minded folk.
The difference between present day and 30 years ago (or 50 or 60...) is the books we have available to us. 30 years ago...all the books said to CIO, where as now days...there's CIO, NCSS, Dr.Sears, you know lots of choices! So the books are changing and we are just changing based on the books we read.

Dawn


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## zannster (Aug 12, 2004)

My mom tried to BF but didn't have the resources to help her with problems and quit after about six weeks. She didn't believe in CIO with young babies, but she did do it later. I don't remember where she claimed that line was. She did not cosleep. She did some rocking, walking around (to put the babes to sleep)...and then they went into the crib. And at some point, we were on a regular schedule.

Now, one of my sisters has children. I believe she let them CIO. She is very mainstream. My mom's decisions had nothing to do with this, as my sister never would have asked her for parenting advice. I am the oldest of three, and I was witness to my mom's parenting of the babies...but that never factored into how I treated DS. *shrug*


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## ~Nikki~ (Aug 4, 2004)

Quote:

especially with people from older generations telling their kids to do these things with their own children.
I think you pegged it, there. CIO is nothing new. My generation was mainly FF'd and our parents used CIO and fear-based parenting (ie: don't let the kids control you, make sure YOU'RE the one in control). I'm in my mid-20's. Most of my friends and family members from my generation have followed in our parents' footsteps, because that's the advice we're given. "Trouble sleeping at night? Put the kid in his crib and let him cry himself to sleep." "Breastfeeding? Why the heck would you want to do that?? Why do you think they invented formula??" My step-mother used gentle discipline with her children (both born much later than me), and when my mother saw how she was raising them, she would laugh and make fun of her, talking about how she let her kids "walk all over her" because she didn't spank them, and she "allowed" them to actually act like kids. This is the environment I was raised in. If I didn't have my step-mother's influence, I guarantee that I WOULD have FF'd, CIO'd, etc, simply because my mother would have encouraged/pressured me to. Mother knows best, after all.







:


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## quelindo (May 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A* 
The "old" generation did CIO, too. My mother's neighbor (in her 50s or 60s) told this story: her baby (not sure what age, but just a baby) wouldn't stop crying, so they put the crib in the _*BASEMENT!!*_ so they could get a good night's sleep without having to hear her cry.

Oh my God...that poor little baby. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

I'm not as inclined to be quite as hard on parents who try mainstream methods as some folks. I guess because I've met parents who have tried so hard to do everything according to Dr. Sears, and have had some horrendous sleep issues (not just parental, but also child sleep issues). I had a good friend who was cosleeping with her son, who was having similar issues to those of my son (at about 6-7 months he started fully waking after an hour of sleep and taking and hour or two of very restless nursing to go back to sleep). My friend was not getting more than an hour of continuous sleep a night. We supported each other a lot through it because we were going through the same thing - full believers in AP for whom cosleeping and nighttime nursing were becoming nightmares.

My friend tried the Pantley No Cry Sleep Solution for several months (we supported each other through this time), but things just continued to get worse, and she and her son were both constantly ill and sleep deprived. In desperation, she began to turn to more mainstream approaches. After a ton of research and soul searching, she opted for what seemed to me a very harsh CIO solution (Wisenbluth). Her logic was "My son and I may have 2-3 very hard nights, but it will be over quickly, whereas so many other approaches take months...and will involve even more tears in the long run." Her 9 month old son had one very bad night, but even that night wasn't as terrible as they thought it might be. Within 2 nights, he was sleeping well without tears, and was waking happier than he had been in months. I just can't judge this woman for what she chose. She did not make the choice out of convenience, but out of deep concern for her son and her own physical and emotional well being. While I could never have made the choice she made, I do understand her logic, and understand the very painful months she went through before. Not every child is the same, and not every family has the wonderful results of cosleeping and night nursing that others do. I made different choices than my friend, but my choices also did not fit the perfect model of AP even though those were my values. While perhaps many people make these decisions without thought, I think there are many mindful, loving parents who make different choices that I might make.

My friend has a very attached son, a very loving relationship with him, and in everything but how she overcame their sleep issues, I would describe her and her partner as a model AP parents. It saddens me that I think if she were to post her story on this forum, she would likely meet with heaps of judgment and little understanding of what she went through. Who am I to judge a mom who was, along with her child, getting ill from sleep deprivation?

I guess among my friends, many of whom I would fully describe as AP advocates, several have had to make difficult decisions when some of the ideals of AP were not working well for their child or family. I do not judge these folks as being uncaring, selfish, or cruel, but rather mindful parents who are doing the best that they can.


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## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveChild421* 







I like that! I think it does vary from family to family and maybe even regionally. Here in the rural south is seems like even the people I meet who are totally mainstream in every other way co-sleep.

It also seems to me that mainstream parents now a days don't CIO very easily anymore. I know of two families, non breastfeeding very mainstream, etc, that co-sleep. In both families the Moms WOH so think that's also a factor. I love the connection with DD at night while cosleeping when working during the day.
The generation of my parents(IL) (in Europe) did CIO, and my MIL and Mom don't know we co-sleep because I know they would not approve at all. They even don't really like that we use a babycarrier, they think we are spoiling DD







: I did get breastmilk but also solids from 6 weeks









Carma


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## gabry (Jan 21, 2004)

My mom did not use cio, but,

after giving birth (in the early 70's in Europe) in a nun-run birthcenter (birthfactory, more like) she stayed for 10 (!) days. The babies stayed in the nursery and were brought to mom during the day every few hours. However, at night, the moms had to rest and the babies stayed in the nursery for at least 10 hours. Don't know if we got formula or nothing at all








My mom breastfed for about 6 weeks. So, I'm pretty sure my brother and I were "broken" before we ever made it home, and therefore there were never any sleep issues. I wonder if that used to be a common scenario.

My mom was young and uninformed, but I don't believe she would have used cio had she been home with us. Fortunately, she also doesn't advocate it now, she actually co-sleeps with ds1 when he spends the night there


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## Wolfcat (Jan 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LoveChild421* 
It's like people just expect them to come out of the womb and be just like little adults.

Hmm, like adults, huh?

I am a light sleeper myself, frequently having bouts of near-insomnia. A former roommate of mine would get up in the middle of the night to have a snack (I later found out that there is a form of insomnia that is defined by "midnight" snacking). I know tons of people who prefer to stay up til 2-3 am and sleep in, as well as people who prefer to get up at 2-3 am and go to bed early.

All adults... yet, society thinks that babies should sleep 10 hours from 9 pm to 7 am??







:


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

What with babies being in deep sleep from laying on their tummies and having cereal in their bottles, I bet there was less crying years ago.







:


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## NaomiLorelie (Sep 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gabry* 
My mom did not use cio, but,

after giving birth (in the early 70's in Europe) in a nun-run birthcenter (birthfactory, more like) she stayed for 10 (!) days. The babies stayed in the nursery and were brought to mom during the day every few hours. However, at night, the moms had to rest and the babies stayed in the nursery for at least 10 hours. Don't know if we got formula or nothing at all








My mom breastfed for about 6 weeks. So, I'm pretty sure my brother and I were "broken" before we ever made it home, and therefore there were never any sleep issues. I wonder if that used to be a common scenario.

My mom was young and uninformed, but I don't believe she would have used cio had she been home with us. Fortunately, she also doesn't advocate it now, she actually co-sleeps with ds1 when he spends the night there










My husband was born in the Netherlands in 1970. That is EXACTLY what happened. MIL talks about how great it was that by the time they got home DH slept through the night no problems. His brother was born 5 years later in the US and they did things differently and she wishes they didn't as BIL was such a "bad sleeper."







Makes me sad because she is a really loving mother and never let her kids CIO. But she really has no idea how newborns are supposed to sleep.


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## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

Quote:

My husband was born in the Netherlands in 1970. That is EXACTLY what happened. MIL talks about how great it was that by the time they got home DH slept through the night no problems. ... But she really has no idea how newborns are supposed to sleep.
My husband was also born in The Netherlands in 1970







Second part also sounds very familiar....

Carma


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## wasabi (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thorey* 
I find the opposite to be true- in the 70's when I was born women were told by their pediatrician's to let their children cio from birth- most women bottle fed- it was at the height of the women's liberation movement- my mom did cio to me and my sister from birth- so did everyone she knew- she would feed us and attend to us if we woke up, but she put us down slightly awake and we cried ourselves to sleep from birth. She took a shower so she didn't have to hear it and if we were still crying after 15 minutes she knew something was wrong (we were usually asleep). most women were told to do this, and do something so they don't have to hear it- wash dishes, shower, whatever... Now, most pediatricians say rock, nurse.. whatever it takes to get your child to sleep for the first 3 months or so and if your child is waking frequently at 6 months then ferberize the child. Most parents I know would never cio with a newborn (but I do know one guy who did it with his newborn. I thought he was a freak and she is very shy now)- Anyhow, my understanding is that cio was more common when I was a baby and now our generation is resisting it and wondering whether or not it damaged us deep down.

Ditto. I can remember a family story that's told about my younger brother that involves him flipping his Moses basket off of a bench because he was crying so hard. And they knew something was wrong because suddenly the crying was muffled. This was told as a funny family story.







They did go in an get him but still there was clearly nothing wrong with the idea that he was so little and so upset and alone. My did BF she was just not into an attached parenting style.


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

I think many women in my mom's age group did CIO because they did not have any trust in their gut instincts and did not have the strength to stand up against the advice of pediatricians, church, in-laws, etc. My mom often says "I wish I had known" "I wish I could have tried this". She is very gentle, and very sweet, and I love her to bits, but yes, she did CIO with us (although when noone could see her and my dad was asleep she would pick us up and cuddle us... ) As my dad was less and less involved as the family grew (I am the last child, n. 4) I was the luckiest and got to cry very little, at least with my parents, but then I was the one who was bottle-fed (mommy had lost all faith in her capacity to nurse) and left with the very CIO-inclined in-laws rather often to do things with my elder siblings. I even have a little book in which they recorded when I had my bottle, when I cried, and I can see I was really crying hard when they left me there...


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## anarchamama (Mar 4, 2005)

My parents are funny becasue they were countercultural radical hippies. So some things they were good about, we ate healthy and had no tv. My mom "didn't have enough milk" but only supplemented, didn't wean, untill we were a year. They definatly did CIO though we've never gotten int the details. My aunt did tell me once that it was no problem having me sleep over becuae they would just put me in the crib and close the door. And they all laughed as thoug I was the silly one. My dad just says he hopes his mother was right that you can't spoil a kid under 2 (in reference to my kids). My mom also had unmedicated births with my dad. OTOH they were very anti SAH and both my brother and I were at daycare from 12 months onward. So I think it all depends where you come from.........I think what I hear from people is skewed because everyone knows I'm a short tempered wing nut







so they don't want to get into it with me.......comes in handy already being a family wingnut before you have kids, so they just assume your going to be wingnutty about childrearing to


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

You know, I think it is a mixture. Maybe a bit of backlash.

My parents put my crib in the kitchen so they didn't have to hear me cry. My mom went back to work full-time when I was a week old. And now as I am so close to my introduction to parenthood, I have done a 180 from my childhood. I am going to co-sleep. I will be be a SAHM and I will do extended breastfeeding. In other words, I will be raising my own children. I have already gotten flak from my parents, who believe that my choices automatically equate to the idea that their parenting choices were "wrong." Sure, I would love to judge them, but that will get me nowhere. Instead, I have chosen to learn from my experiences and try and better them for the next generation. Wish me luck!


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