# Cautious Child?



## franklinmarxmom (Nov 29, 2007)

Anyone else have an overly cautious child?

DS is neither shy nor fearful. He easily warms up to people and situations, and I would never describe him as clingy. But his extremely cautious, especially with physical play.

I see other kids his age running and climbing with abandon--he just won't take risks until he's certain he can do it.

Some examples:
Today, we went to the science museum, which has an awesome new water play area. DS stood 10 feet away, watching, acting panicky if I even carried him closer. Then, about an hour later, asked to go back and play in the water and had a blast.

He knows how to climb steps standing up by holding on with two hands to the railing. His balance is probably good enough to go up with one hand or my hand. But he still crawls up and down, unless I really insist he go "the big boy way."

He does anything that interests him, eventually, so I'm not really worried. It just seems so different, I'm wondering if there are any others out there who share this experience, and if you have strategies for encouraging without pushing too hard.

Thanks!


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## Squrrl (Mar 2, 2006)

Hadn't occurred to me to think of her as "overly" cautious, but our child is also unusually cautious--quite a few people have remarked on it. She always feels her footing out carefully, always tests her abilities carefully when climbing, and never just plunges ahead. It's wonderful...she rarely falls, almost never badly, and we hardly worry about her at all on the stairs or whatever. She didn't walk 'til well after she was fully capable of it, which did make me a touch impatient, but at least she's physically precocious, so even so she walked at 11 months. My MIL says that if the next one's a "normal" baby, I'll be in for a shock, because I trust this one to not hurt herself so much!


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## Biscuits & Gravy (Jul 17, 2008)

Sounds a lot like my DS. He is cautious for sure. It takes some time for him to warm up to new people and situations. He doesn't dive in to things. He observes for a bit and tries things out once other kids are out of the way. It always amazes me to see other kids on a playground run up and down steps and zoom down slides. DS doesn't do that. He takes his time, thinks about going down the slide, decides not to, and then out of nowhere he'll decide to go for it. Then he does it over and over again. You'd think he would remember the experience and be less cautious the next time we are at the playground, but instead he starts the process all over again.

My family is very loud, big and overwhelming. They have never listened to me about giving him time to warm up, and they always get right in his face. Recently he spent some time one on one with different family members on separate occasions. They were all amazed at what a different kid he is when he is not in a huge crowd. They finally understood what I've been telling them for the past couple of years!

Oh, and last summer he would not get in sandboxes. Hated them. I bought him a shallow plastic container to fill with sand so he could play with it but not have to sit in it or get dirty. By the end of the summer he had embraced the sand and had no problem with it. Tomorrow he is going to the beach for the first time ever with his grandparents. It will be very interesting to see how he handles that much sand!


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Some kids learn well by observing. Ds is like that and has been since birth. He needs time to observe and process before he will try. Ds was also fearful, but that's different from his caution, really. He's no longer fearful but he's still cautious.

The book "The Emotional Life of the Toddler" is a good read and might help you understand your cautious child. In my experience, this is a gift - ds is very observant, very thoughtful, and I really don't have to worry about him doing stupid things.


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## BlueEyedLady (Jun 13, 2006)

I call DS my "all or nothing" boy. He isn't necessarily cautious, per se, but he just doesn't do things until he can DO them, you know? He's ALWAYS been like that. Didn't roll over until he could roll wherever he wanted, didn't sit up until he could totally do it without help, etc. I remember thinking he was never going to crawl because he was getting older and older and he just never did...then I looked over one day and he was speed crawling across the floor. He never took "practice" steps, either - he went straight from cruising furniture to all out walking.

I don't know, I'm not worried. He isn't shy and he loves to do new things...he just waits until he's sure of something before he does it. He's very watchful and observant and I think he just waits to see how to do something before jumping into it.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

My son is very cautious as well - in fact, thats the one word that I use to describe him most! hehe
I figure he will take things in his own time so really I don't do any gentle encouragement. If it seems a big 'problem' for him though, we do talk about it which can usually sort it out if his cautiousness to a situation, he finds, is really not needed.
He takes a long time to warm up to things as well - we had to go to one very quiet playground for months before he would even attempt the very small toddler slide! hehe - We have a playhouse in our back garden with a slide on it and he has done that twice...the second time he went down all by himself (not holding my hand) but was only wearing socks...so went down FAST!- Too fast for his cautious comfort and he has not been on it since and we have had it for a year now! hehe

The only problem that I actually find with his cautiousness is making friends. Hes a boy - and most boys his age are very physical and jumping and climbing all over things/places...etc.. It is too much for my son. I would love for him to have a good close cautious sensitive friend as well - but so far no luck! hehe


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## franklinmarxmom (Nov 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Biscuits & Gravy* 
Sounds a lot like my DS. He is cautious for sure. It takes some time for him to warm up to new people and situations. He doesn't dive in to things. He observes for a bit and tries things out once other kids are out of the way. It always amazes me to see other kids on a playground run up and down steps and zoom down slides. DS doesn't do that. He takes his time, thinks about going down the slide, decides not to, and then out of nowhere he'll decide to go for it. Then he does it over and over again. You'd think he would remember the experience and be less cautious the next time we are at the playground, but instead he starts the process all over again.


This so describes my DS!

We had a big snow here a few weeks ago, and he was terrified to walk on snow or touch snow. Other kids are having a ball playing and making footprints, and he is on the deck saying "hold me! hold me!" in the most pathetic voice. After 10 days of gentle invitation, he was on the deck while I was loading the car. I turned around to see him gently step on a small snowpile. He looked up, grinned and announced, "I made footprint! More! More!" So, we walked all over the untouched snow making footprints, and he even touched it with his fingers once.

Of course, the next day it was 60 degrees and it all melted, so that was that...

He just does things at his own pace.


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## Kayaking Mama (Feb 15, 2006)

Yup, mine is cautious too. Really doesn't like to climb and never has, got a burn one time when he was 18 mos from the slide and pretty much has never gone on one again. He's now 3 and I don't think he's ever had a bandaid on except to cover bug bites...


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## Biscuits & Gravy (Jul 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BlueEyedLady* 
I call DS my "all or nothing" boy. He isn't necessarily cautious, per se, but he just doesn't do things until he can DO them, you know? He's ALWAYS been like that. Didn't roll over until he could roll wherever he wanted, didn't sit up until he could totally do it without help, etc. I remember thinking he was never going to crawl because he was getting older and older and he just never did...then I looked over one day and he was speed crawling across the floor. He never took "practice" steps, either - he went straight from cruising furniture to all out walking.

I don't know, I'm not worried. He isn't shy and he loves to do new things...he just waits until he's sure of something before he does it. He's very watchful and observant and I think he just waits to see how to do something before jumping into it.

Yes, yes, yes! We called DS the "secret walker". We never saw him take practice steps. The women at daycare said they thought they saw him do it, but when they looked he would immediately sit down. Then one day he just started walking, and it was not that cautious, wobbly first time walker kind of walking. He just walked as if he'd been doing it for months.

He definitely learns by observing. He'll ask us to sing a song over and over, then one day he'll sing it for the first time and know the entire song, every single word.


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## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

YES! Cautious is exactly what DS is.

New people, new situations, busy goings on... stands on the sidelines and studies it. Not fearful, but intensely cautious and curious Playgrounds especially. The wild running, jumping, climbing seems to confuse him. Like, if he's going to join in first he's going to determine if all the hoopla is, in fact, fun. A lot of typical kid stuff he doesn't find entertaining the way I'd expect him to. He just studies it. He doesn't giggle and laugh at things like, a puppet show or singalong. The one time I took him to a library puppet show he attempted to take the puppet off of the lady's hand and examine it. Then he handed it back and asked to go look at the books.

Sometimes I"m thankful he's cautious...I don't forsesee him trying to torpedo down a flight of stairs or running off into the street but I also want him to haver FUN and at times I worry he's never havign fun becasue he looks so serious all the time.


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## Biscuits & Gravy (Jul 17, 2008)

I thought of another example. I have a friend who has a little girl around DS's age. The two of them are buddies. When we'd get together the little girl, "A", would jump right into everything. Like a sprayground at a park, she'd jump right into the water screaming and laughing. DS will not go anywhere near the water, and is absolutely content to sit on the side and watch her. He laughs, smiles, and just watches. I'd ask to make sure he didn't want to join her, but he always had just as much fun watching her have a good time.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kayaking Mama* 
Yup, mine is cautious too. Really doesn't like to climb and never has, got a burn one time when he was 18 mos from the slide and pretty much has never gone on one again. He's now 3 and I don't think he's ever had a bandaid on except to cover bug bites...

This reminds me...DS also never has bruises! lol Not even your average few on the knee and shin brusies - If he gets a bruise (like once in a blue moon), im like 'wow - he must have been adventurous'! hehe


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## Biscuits & Gravy (Jul 17, 2008)

Yeah, band aids are purely for decoration in our house, too!


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

Yes! This is my daughter, too! It's so nice to read about other similar kids. She'll watch very intently for a while before jumping into something, and definitely tests things out carefully before relying on it. I sometimes hope that she'll grow into plenty of confidence and a sense of adventure-- but mostly I LOVE it. The main thing I worry about, if I worry, is having another kid who throws himself off of the steps or tries to get into a million things we haven't bothered to childproof b/c just asking DD to not touch it once it all it took









Mostly I see it as her personality and thought process, and it's similar to mine and DH's. It IS interesting to watch her.


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## MamieCole (Jun 1, 2007)

Add my DS to the list of "cautious" toddlers. Although I never really thought of it as cautious, I suppose that word fits pretty well.

I don't have a problem with it at all, but it does seem like this type of personality in a toddler is not very common. Like many PP's have said, playgrounds make it very obvious that my boy is not a daredevil. The stereotypical image of a toddler running, climbing, jumping, screaming...so not my DS. Additionally, any place where there are large numbers of small children really overwhelm DS. The more kids there are, the longer it takes him to observe and make the decision as to whether or not he wants to join in: libraries, book stores, indoor play places, the zoo, the kids museum, Gymboree...if it is crowded, DS just stands back, watches and soaks it all in, usually with a look on his face that says "What is wrong with these crazy kids?"







Sometimes he decides he will join, sometimes not. I don't push. I feel like I can read him pretty well and can tell when he is interested in joining but just needs some reassurance from me vs. when he just simply has no interest no matter what.

And I had never thought about it, but the band-aid thing applies to us as well. Strictly decoration to this point. *knock on wood*


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## Biscuits & Gravy (Jul 17, 2008)

I keep coming back to this thread because it cracks me up. My son sounds so much like every other child described here. It makes me wonder...what if we got them all together for a play date? Would they stand around the perimeter of the playground waiting for someone to make a move?


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## Kayaking Mama (Feb 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Biscuits & Gravy* 
I keep coming back to this thread because it cracks me up. My son sounds so much like every other child described here. It makes me wonder...what if we got them all together for a play date? Would they stand around the perimeter of the playground waiting for someone to make a move?









Heehee...Funny thought.


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## gorgorita (Feb 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Biscuits & Gravy* 
I keep coming back to this thread because it cracks me up. My son sounds so much like every other child described here. It makes me wonder...what if we got them all together for a play date? Would they stand around the perimeter of the playground waiting for someone to make a move?

















:







:


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## Squrrl (Mar 2, 2006)

Sounds like a middle school dance!


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## SheepNumber97245 (Apr 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *franklinmarxmom* 
Anyone else have an overly cautious child?

DS is neither shy nor fearful. He easily warms up to people and situations, and I would never describe him as clingy. But his extremely cautious, especially with physical play.

I see other kids his age running and climbing with abandon--he just won't take risks until he's certain he can do it.

Some examples:
Today, we went to the science museum, which has an awesome new water play area. DS stood 10 feet away, watching, acting panicky if I even carried him closer. Then, about an hour later, asked to go back and play in the water and had a blast.

He knows how to climb steps standing up by holding on with two hands to the railing. His balance is probably good enough to go up with one hand or my hand. But he still crawls up and down, unless I really insist he go "the big boy way."

He does anything that interests him, eventually, so I'm not really worried. It just seems so different, I'm wondering if there are any others out there who share this experience, and if you have strategies for encouraging without pushing too hard.

Thanks!

I am SO glad to hear we're not alone! My son is the same way. It worries me sometimes because I see other kids climb all over things and fall on their back or their tummy and get right back up and run off to play some more. My son seems to be afraid of falling. He won't climb on things (especially if there are other kids doing so) and if he falls he cries and comes running to me.









It makes me worried he is going to be shy like I was when I was a kid.


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## MamieCole (Jun 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Biscuits & Gravy* 
I keep coming back to this thread because it cracks me up. My son sounds so much like every other child described here. It makes me wonder...what if we got them all together for a play date? Would they stand around the perimeter of the playground waiting for someone to make a move?


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## franklinmarxmom (Nov 29, 2007)

What a pleasant surprise to return and find all these replies!

So much of what you said totally describes my DS--not fearful, or even shy. Just observant, cautious, taking his time to figure everything out before he acts.

And I agree--it's a great trait to have most of the time. Especially in toddlerhood! I don't envy those mamas chasing down daring little ones scaling heights and leaping into the air. I don't have to worry about that.

Glad to know there are so many others out there!


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## wondertwins (Oct 12, 2007)

What I think I understand from reading the PP's, is that it's the FIRSTBORN, or in one case many years between siblings, responding cautiously to new environments. DS is very much this way, he watches until he knows how he wants to engage in the situation. DD seems to know what she wants, but if another child comes at her quickly, she runs to me with a look of uncertainty on her face. Both of my twins spend a lot of time at the park observing the other children playing. My oldest nephew was this way, so I just stand back and let them do their thing, as I know they are absorbing new information and assessing the situation. It is interesting how universal it seems to be with firstborns!


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