# co-sleeping fall asleep without me



## tootiefruitie71 (Aug 20, 2015)

Hi there. I co-sleep (and love it) with my restless 4 yo. But, she will only go to sleep with me cuddling her. How can I get her to fall asleep on her own? I will come to bed later (when I'm ready). She should be going to sleep at 8, not me. Currently, we both go to sleep by 930. She's one of those kids who will get out of bed the moment I walk away....I just would like her to get better rest. I think she needs it. I really want to avoid us both having meltdowns. I can't handle it. Books and bath don't calm her at all. She's wide awake at 8 pm.


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## usually-lurking (Feb 10, 2015)

If she has siblings let her share. Otherwise I think you have to choose between wanting her to sleep earlier or wanting her to stay in the room alone. Is she in her own room or yours. If you let her lay in your bed she might be more willing to sleep knowing that you will eventually be there.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Does she wake up if you try to get up or does she just not want to fall asleep by herself?




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## tootiefruitie71 (Aug 20, 2015)

Thanks Girls. No siblings and she sleeps in my bed. The only way she wants to go to sleep is on me or in the crook of my arm (totally nestled in there). I explained my thoughts to her about a new routine for school (about falling asleep on her own in my bed). I explained that "mommy will come to bed" and snuggle her all night. I said I could give her the baby monitor or walkie talkies so she could hear me elsewhere in the house. She will end up playing with them I'm sure. She is still wired and wide awake at 8 pm. I can't see her falling asleep on her own. She will get out of bed no doubt. Baby steps...


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## tootiefruitie71 (Aug 20, 2015)

Sorry, I also forgot to mention that I said to her I would set the timer (we use the option a lot). When the timer goes off, mommy will come to bed...


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Can you lie with her until she goes to sleep and then get up for a while?


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## SecondtimeMama (Jun 15, 2015)

My dd is 7. We read stories together (in her bed or mine) and then I leave. If she's still awake and seeming like she'll have trouble falling to sleep I'll tell her I'll be back in 10 minutes. Most of the time I do that and she's asleep when I go back in. Sometimes, she needs a sip of water. This started working right around when she was 4. Now she'll tell me to leave so she can get to sleep.

If I fall asleep with her, it means I needed to. Which was a hard thing for me to accept when I was thinking about the stuff I wanted to do.


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## SecondtimeMama (Jun 15, 2015)

tootiefruitie71 said:


> Sorry, I also forgot to mention that I said to her I would set the timer (we use the option a lot). When the timer goes off, mommy will come to bed...


But that's a pretty long time from 8pm to 9:30pm. I think the reason the "I'll check back in on you in 10 minutes" works is that the first few times they are awake and get very fast feedback that the promise was fulfilled.


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## tootiefruitie71 (Aug 20, 2015)

I've only ever tried once, set the timer for 5 minutes. I was in the on-suite bathroom, right next to her...she lasted 4 minutes...baby steps.:laugh:


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## SecondtimeMama (Jun 15, 2015)

tootiefruitie71 said:


> I've only ever tried once, set the timer for 5 minutes. I was in the on-suite bathroom, right next to her...she lasted 4 minutes...baby steps.:laugh:


Ah, that makes more sense. Maybe try telling her at her after stories that you'll stay with her, but she has to turn her back to yours and the the lights need to be set however you usually sleep? Of course, that will only really work if you have a phone to play with or a e-book to read.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

The "back in 10 minutes" idea worked well for us when we eventually tried it, which was a bit later, more like 6 years old.

However, at an earlier age I was able to get my son to accept that he couldn't be all over me while he was falling asleep. I started working on this when he stopped falling asleep during stories, 3 years old. I told him that from now on we would read 3 stories, and then I would read to myself while he was going to sleep. After the last story we had a little routine where I tucked him in tightly (prevents cuddling!) and we said a prayer and sang a song. Then I would read my book with a reading lamp that shone mostly on me. Around 4 1/2 he started having trouble getting to sleep with the light on, so I had to give up reading and just try to stay awake!


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