# Not sharing, grabbing, 3 year old



## augustmom (Sep 28, 2004)

My 3.5 year old has trouble sharing and grabs toys from her friends if she wants to use them and they won't give them to her. I thought that this was more like 2 year old behavior? Shouldn't she be over this by now, the whole not sharing, grabbing stuff?

What can I do. I just want to yell at her when she does it.

Thanks


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## rowansmomma (Feb 25, 2005)

This would be a time when both moms should be involved. Talk to BOTH kids about sharing and taking turns.

In our house, everything is about sharing. Daddy brings home one treat and he and Rowan SHARE it. Not, daddy will let you have some or give you some......Daddy's going to share with you, isn't that nice? And when Rowan has a treat, we ask if he'll share with us......and he does. Then, it carries over to his friends. If his friend has a toy that he wants, we just talk to him about sharing. We share our toys, when so and so is done, it will be your turn! Do you want to play with 'this' while you wait for your turn? And then we talk to the other boy about when he is done, will he let Rowan have a turn? And they'll usually agree like it's some fabulous idea or something.........lol.


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

I don't think 3.5 is "too old" to be having difficulty w/ sharing. Isn't it like, 4 when they can even start to get it? Maybe...I dunno.

Anyway. I would just be as calm as possible--breathe deeply in and out as it starts to go down, b/c he will pick up on your energy.

If he grabs something from a friend I would as calmly as possibly say, "Uh oh. Friend is using that right now. Did you want a turn?" "Yes? OK, let's give it back to Friend and ask if you can have it next." And then help him ask for a turn if he needs it, or help him wait while reassuring him that in just a second it will be his turn, or offer him something else to occupy himself until it's his turn, or help him offer Friend and item to trade for the first item (this has worked really well for us.).

Anyway hang in there! And I think you have a girl...so sorry for the male pronoun--2 boys here.


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey's mom* 
I don't think 3.5 is "too old" to be having difficulty w/ sharing. Isn't it like, 4 when they can even start to get it? Maybe...I dunno.

Yup. It's very normal fo a 3.5 year old to have trouble sharing. I would emphasize turn taking and working on that communication between the two kids. It takes what feels like an eternity to help them with this issue...at least for mine it did. At 4, he still has a hard time if the other child doesn't want to share...but he's pretty good at taking turns and now the real sharing has begun. It's amazing to watch it evolve.

Hang in there...this is really tough stuff with playdates.


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## emptymug (Feb 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swampangel* 
Yup. It's very normal fo a 3.5 year old to have trouble sharing. I would emphasize turn taking and working on that communication between the two kids. It takes what feels like an eternity to help them with this issue...at least for mine it did. At 4, he still has a hard time if the other child doesn't want to share...but he's pretty good at taking turns and now the real sharing has begun. It's amazing to watch it evolve.

Hang in there...this is really tough stuff with playdates.

That sounds about right from what I've read. My DS, about 3, doesn't completely get share, but he understand taking turns and trading, to a lesser extent. I don't expect him to share just yet as much as just have parallel play.


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