# S/O of Leash/Harness Thread: A Poll



## AnalogWife (Sep 8, 2007)

I was just interested in seeing a poll about MDC attitudes on leashes/harnesses.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

I voted not demeaning as long as they are used respectfully and both parties are happy with the a -reign-gment hehehe


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

Not demeaning so long as the child is okay with the situation.


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## AnalogWife (Sep 8, 2007)

My DH is the one who suggested one for crowded spots, he says he doesn't care what anyone thinks, that we're the parents and we want our child safe. I voted No, as long as the child is not negatively affected. Plus, I think they're kinda cute!


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

I am curious for those who say its demeaning, if your child said

"mom im not a baby! I dont want to go in the stroller.sling anymore! holding hands hurts my arms and makes my hand sweaty! Cant I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have one of those monkey back packs like that kid at the zoo had the other day?"

what would you do? what would you say? Would you say

"No I think they are deamning! No child of mine is going to wear a monkey backpack. Jsut wipe the sweat off on your jeans if you hand is sweaty. If you don't like the stroller then don't run off and you wouldnt have to ride in one!"

??


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## AlbertaJes (May 11, 2006)

We got one for our trip to Europe last year. Ended up not needing it as DD got sick and spent the entire trip in a wrap on my chest. But she loves it. She wears it around the house all the time and begs us to lead her around by the "leash".


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

... Darn. No third option.

I don't feel they're demeaning. And I'm not going to ask my young child if he's okay with wearing one.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
... Darn. No third option.

I don't feel they're demeaning. And I'm not going to ask my young child if he's okay with wearing one.

Yeah, right? I mean, my 3 y/o hates to hold hands in the parking lot, and I guess it's an assault on his personal freedoms and dignity that I force him to against his will, but since I don't want him under a car, that's what has to happen. I've never judged a parent for using one.


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## Litcrit (Feb 23, 2009)

I think they're great! Anything can be used irresponsibly, excessively, and w/o respect for your child's desires - strollers, playpens, carseats, cribs, slings, hand-holding...

In my view, the leashes offer more freedom than other safety measures usually necessary, esp. if you live in an urban area.

I had planned on using a leash and ended up with a really clingy daughter. She's 2.5 yo now. In the playground, e.g., she'll SIT NEXT TO ME on the bench! On the sidewalk, she walks right next to me. Crossing the street, she'll hold my hand and is afraid of cars. So, naturally, I have no need to use ANY safety device. If I had to, though, the leash would be my first choice - I see it as offering the most freedom and independence of all the safety devices out there


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I think as parents we can generally tell if our child is OK with something without explicitly asking. If your child cried or resisted putting it on, you'd know your child didn't like it. If your child grabbed it and asked you to put it on him/her as you headed out the door, you'd know your child was OK with it.


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

Well, I suppose I'll have to be the odd one and say I think they are demeaning! Leashes are for dogs.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
... Darn. No third option.

I don't feel they're demeaning. And I'm not going to ask my young child if he's okay with wearing one.









:

I've used them for all of my kids, when they were in a particular stage of development where they wanted the freedom to toddle around, but weren't mature enough to stay near me safely. Each of my kids lasted in that phase for about 2-3 months, all around 15mo or so.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rabbitmum* 
Well, I suppose I'll have to be the odd one and say I think they are demeaning! Leashes are for dogs.









Fences are for dogs too. I'd never fence my yard. That would be demeaning.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

hey, don't you feed your dog too? and bath them? i hope you wouldn't treat your child in such a horrid manner as well








im just kidding!!!


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

I honestly never felt 100% good about leashing a dog when I really think about it!


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

thats understandable. i know some people who think having pets in general is cruel because they should be free.


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## AnalogWife (Sep 8, 2007)

I'm the OP...even though I had visions of accusations of "false dichotomies" and anger towards a restrictive 2-option poll, I just wanted to see how the results would look as a yes/no question..without cluttering it with too many variables.

As for leashes being for dogs...what about animal rights???? (Kidding...kinda.)


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## pinky (Nov 21, 2001)

I was just thinking that I've never used a leash or really considered it. I have, however, yelled very angrily at my child after chasing them a long way or losing them someplace. I'm not convinced that mine was the less demeaning path!


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## Gentle~Mommy :) (Apr 21, 2009)

I'm flattered my thread on leashes spawned a poll









Thanks!


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## AnalogWife (Sep 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pinky* 
I was just thinking that I've never used a leash or really considered it. I have, however, yelled very angrily at my child after chasing them a long way or losing them someplace. I'm not convinced that mine was the less demeaning path!

Wow, great perspective, thank you.


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

Our older dd begged for a leash when we went to Disneyland. She thought they looked cool, and she said she would feel safer. We didn't have a leash for her, but she wanted one. I say it's up to the kid and the parent. If the kid is OK with it, I"m OK with it.


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## ecoteat (Mar 3, 2006)

I used to think they were demeaning--before I was a mother. Then the reality of traveling through a busy airport alone with a toddler came along and I realized there is nothing wrong with giving my child the opportunity to move and explore while keeping her safe. (We actually ended up not needing to use it after all on that trip, but I had it in my bag ready to go just in case. And I'm sure dd would have loved it!)


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## mama_mojo (Jun 5, 2005)

I don't think they are demeaning, but I would not use one based solely on my own experience. My kids are not darters; I have never wondered what in the heck I should do to keep one safe; I have always had other options available. Therefore, my experience is different from those of you who have replied that you are fine with them. I actually believe the quote, "There is no public defense of a private life." I do not think these leash things hurt a child, but I would not use one.

When we set up dichotomies like this, we undermine the possibility of accepting that one's situation is so much different from another's.

And, when my children do not want to hold my hand, they have always been willing to hold my pants pocket or coat hem or the edge of the stroller or a backpack strap or whatever. I really rarely need to hold a hand for longer than it takes to cross a street. In an airport, I have been able to keep them together with a herding dog's vigilance. I've played games with them, like duck, which gives them other "stick together" cues. I grew up with a mom who walked with a cane who could not hold our hands, so maybe this has not been something I rely on as much as others do.


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

I think they're fine as long as the child is happy with them - just as with most other parenting decisions.


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## nwmamas (Jun 13, 2008)

I voted demeaning because I'm not convinced that if the child is "ok" with something, that they will not be adversely affected. Two big comparisons that always come to mind are the horrid hospital birth story of my first child (ok at the time, worse as time went on and with life experience/education) and some sexual stuff where two parties agree that demeaning themselves is a-ok (perhaps considered demeaning later on, but at least adults can give full consent).

I'm not saying submission is a problem, just that I have a hard time getting through the obstacle that I don't believe kids can adequately make the decision that they're not demeaned by leashing OR that they want to be demeaned by leashing. I *want* to be o.k. with leashing, but I haven't heard a good argument for moving through these problems.

However, I don't at all judge others in public with them (there are so many factors that would make it a decent trade-off to take the chance that it might demean your child, imo).


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

but what if the child is asking to wear the harness and is being denied? what if the child feels constricted against their will in a stroller? isn't it better to give the child the freedom they want?


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## Treece (Apr 5, 2006)

I voted demeaning. I am a parent and it is my decision NOT to buy one of those things. IF my son ever asked for a monkey backpack or whatever b/c another kid had one I would explain that we can't always get what we want or that we shouldn't let others dictate what we want. NOW, if we went looking for a backpakc, he could get which one he wanted. I feel taht creative parenting is called for. With ds1, he wanted to run every where. So, I told him he could, as long as he held my hand. He always held my hand and ran like the wind (I walked faster than normal). Would this be demeaning?

I think that parenting should be done creatively and there is nothing creative about leashes. I don't even like leashes on dogs, except maybe "bad" breeds. May I change my mind with this ds? Probably not, and he has been walking since 8 mo, and is now almost 16 mo.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

what is your creative solution to a child who doesnt want to hold hands, doesnt want to be in a stroller, doesn't want to be in a sling, and tries to stay by you - but sometimes gets distracted and lost in the crowd, then getting really upset once they got lost in the crowd - but would be happy wearing a back pack because it would keep both hands free for them and not keep them strapped into something?

See, I also have kids who don't mind holding hands, but I wouldnt rule out a harness as an option if they were obviously THRILLED with the idea and HATING all the other ideas.

Really all strollers are are harnesses that the child cant walk around while wearing. what else is demeaning is harnesses are?


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I'm not sure how it can be demeaning if both parties are ok with it?

I don't like them personally but if they work and everyone is happy i don't see the issue.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think that leashes are demeaning but I am sure there are situations in which holding hands or using a stroller aren't possible so a leash would be necessary. I have to wonder how happy a child actually is with a leash and how it can be a mutual choice. My dd was three when she connected leashes to dogs and vocalized her outrage when she saw parents with their children on a leash, there is no way it would have been anything but demeaning to her once she made that connection.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I used a tether/leash with my children before they were really old enough to communicate with me verbally their desire or lack of desire to use one. She didn't like to hold hands, she didn't want to always stay in the stroller. I had tried using the Maya wrap as a tether at one point, but then I ordered the other one when I read the story of the 2 year old boy kidnapped from the mall by 10 year old boys who later killed him. It was a panic attack, I had to have one because I had been at the mall earlier that day, and she walked briefly otu of my line of sight. The one I ordered went around her waist like a little belt pack, and it just happened to have a ring where you could clip this stretchy tether. I got mostly positive response. Unfortunately, it would stretch out pretty far, and she would just lead me around. In populated areas, she'd strike out on her own, the leash would stretch pretty far, and then people would stop or almost trip over it. So it didn't work in crowds, and in uncrowded places, I could just follow her without it.

My second daughter was a very placid baby who didn't really walk on her own until about 14 months or so. But she was independent and would move off on her own and do things without having to have me around, unlike my first daughter who more or less tried to stay close to me. When DD2 was about 20 months, we were going to this ice cream party at a downtown church. There were several ways to the city streets, so I wanted her on the leash to allow her to go off, but not too far. The instant I clipped it on her and set her down, she yowled, dropped down on the ground and would not move until I removed it. So it never worked for us, although maybe I should have tried harder since she's always been the runner and has been separated from me several times, which was scary.

When I see older children in harnesses with the very short tethers on the back, yeah, I do kind of feel like it might be demeaning, like at one point they walked away, so the parent is trying to teach them a lesson. But it could just be that the parent is really concerned someone will just grab her/his child away, even if the child is right next to her/him.

As far as the dog connection goes, my kids actually want to be dogs on leashes. They want me to put stuff around their neck and walk them around while they crawl on hands and knees. My younger daughter numerous times asked me to tie her to a chair because she is a dog who likes to run away. And then she would break free and run away and I'd have to go get her and tell her I was worried and not to run away, and re-tie her to the chair.







The first time they played the dog on a leash game, they were using a belt around the neck until I got them and stressed the vital importance of not tying something around their necks. So then they'd do it around their waists after that. Thank goodness they are out of that stage, mostly. They still pretend to be animals crawling around, however.

So, ultimately I think something like a scarf tied between mother and child would be better than the harness thing. The Maya wrap as a tether felt a little bulky, but I think I could have gotten it to work. No need to buy anything else.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Not demeaning if they're used in a respectful way. DD loved it when we used one. I actually think she liked knowing she was going to be close to me, no matter what, even if she had one of her strong impulses to take off.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I think that leashes are demeaning but I am sure there are situations in which holding hands or using a stroller aren't possible so a leash would be necessary. I have to wonder how happy a child actually is with a leash and how it can be a mutual choice.

My mom tried one with my brother. He threw himself on the ground and refused to walk. He obviously didn't like it, so she didn't use it.

Why would you wonder how happy a child is with a leash/harness? (I hate the term "leash", honestly.) DD never associated a harness with being treated like an animal - because she wasn't. That's an adult thing (she never equated my putting her food in a dish and putting it in front of her with feeding a dog, either...and that makes about as much sense to me).

I had ds2 by c-section. The incision was infected, and didn't close for weeks. It was painful. I had very limited mobility and really couldn't chance taking dd out if she might run off, because I couldn't go after her, or carry her. She got really, really fed up with the stroller, unless she was really tired. I couldn't even wear ds2 at first, so dd was out of the question. My choices were keep her inside all day, or use the harness. Why wouldn't she be happy to go to the farm and look at pigs and feed the ducks?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Treece* 
I voted demeaning. I am a parent and it is my decision NOT to buy one of those things. IF my son ever asked for a monkey backpack or whatever b/c another kid had one I would explain that we can't always get what we want or that we shouldn't let others dictate what we want. NOW, if we went looking for a backpakc, he could get which one he wanted. I feel taht creative parenting is called for. With ds1, he wanted to run every where. So, I told him he could, as long as he held my hand.

I don't see how that's creative parenting...and it will only work if the child _does_ hold your hand. DD found a harness much more comfortable than reaching up to hold my hand. I would, too.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Glue Mommy* 
Really all strollers are are harnesses that the child cant walk around while wearing. what else is demeaning is harnesses are?

Good point. If I see a child in a stroller, fussing or crying, and being required to stay in the stroller, tied down, I don't see that as non-demeaning. Strollers can be used in a non-demeaning way, of course...but so can harnesses.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nwmamas* 
I'm not saying submission is a problem, just that I have a hard time getting through the obstacle that I don't believe kids can adequately make the decision that they're not demeaned by leashing

I'm not even understanding what you're saying here. What does the child lack to make the decision about this? Do you mean that they're not capable of understanding that there are adults out there who will think they're being treated badly, and they're not capable of understanding that, so they can't consent? Or...something else?

Quote:

OR that they want to be demeaned by leashing. I *want* to be o.k. with leashing, but I haven't heard a good argument for moving through these problems.
I might be able to make one, if I understood what problems you're having, but I'm not getting it. You _seem_, at least to me, to be saying that wearing a leash/harness is inherently demeaning, and a child is unable to consent to being demeaned in such a fashion". If that's the case, I can see why you wouldn't be swayed...but it contains a flawed (imo) assumption that there's something inherently demeaning about being kept close to a parent.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I love my backpack one!

My DS is a runner...and my DD is quickly following in his footsteps.

My DS was the Master of yanking his hand loose or going limp or flinging himself out of the sling or batting me about the head and face if I dared make him ride in the Ergo or climbing out of the stroller (and yes, he figured out the buckles, DD has too).

So when my options are cute little monkey backpack with a tail or my child gone in a crowded mall, darting under some woman's cart, or in front of Granny in the Hooverround or ending up under a SUV? Guess which one I'm going to pick?









And I've gotten NOTHING but positive comments. 95% of parents have asked where I got it, and the other 5% of people said they loved it. One sweet old lady stopped me and said "Sweetie, you're a good mom! You give him room to run but not run away."









And my kids both like the harness. They bring it to me and want to wear it around the house.







They MUCH prefer the harness over being contained in the stroller and I MUCH prefer that over getting punched in the nose because they want DOWN

And I can only imagine how uncomfortable it must be for poor DD to walk around with her hand in the air the whole time we're out and about...And I'm not even that tall (5ft4in) but DD is a tiny little girl (probably 30 inches?)


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Treece* 
May I change my mind with this ds? Probably not, and he has been walking since 8 mo, and is now almost 16 mo.

It might very well change when full-blown toddler independence kicks in.

For myself, I always hated the idea of harnesses. But, I think I changed my mind based on things I read on MDC. A harness gives a ton more freedom than a stroller, is less uncomfortable than extended hand raising/holding, and allows way more free exploration than even a sling (for a child who wants to be down with the action.)


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Good point. If I see a child in a stroller, fussing or crying, and being required to stay in the stroller, tied down, I don't see that as non-demeaning. Strollers can be used in a non-demeaning way, of course...but so can harnesses.

thats how I feel too. I see nothing demeaning about letting your child be happy with their safety arrangements.







:


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I don't see how that's creative parenting...and it will only work if the child _does_ hold your hand. DD found a harness much more comfortable than reaching up to hold my hand. I would, too.









:

Try holding the hand of a toddler that is the size of a 6 month old and who wants to run, run, run. DD1 was waaay too tiny for me to hold her hand comfortable (for both me and her). I wasn't going to hurt her hand or force her into a stroller/sling when she would be happy with a harness. She loved her backpack harness.

Do know what I find demeaning? Once I saw a mom forcing a screaming toddler into a sling. He wanted to walk and the mom kept saying that he wouldn't walk next to her so he had to ride in the sling. He screamed for 20 minutes until he eventually went to sleep. That was way more demeaning then my toddler trotting happily and safely through the mall wearing her harness.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:

Do know what I find demeaning? Once I saw a mom forcing a screaming toddler into a sling. He wanted to walk and the mom kept saying that he wouldn't walk next to her so he had to ride in the sling. He screamed for 20 minutes until he eventually went to sleep.
That is actually how i finally taught my runner to stick close and/or hold my hand (i do swap hands every minute or two to prevent tingly-hand i so well remember (both me ad my mother are around 6 feet tall)). Previous to that day she assumed a) everything was safe and b) i would chase her down anyway. That was how i finally convinced her that when i said "stick close to mama" she needed to listen. My kid is a she, but if you saw me the day i did that it was the first, last, only time it happened. Some people learn the harder way. Worked for us.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

I voted "okay"

But a few comments above stuck out:

Like someone else, I really only needed the harness/reins while my child was so young that he was not easily reasoned with. The harness was a tool I used to keep him safe while he learned to reason and to understand the safety reasons behind things like "STOP don't run that way!" and "Cars can't SEE you." He wore the harness and we worked on "Can you hold my hand to cross the street?" and things like that.

Creative options? For me, after a few really awful situations involving him going completely limp on scorching ashphalt rather than either walking or be carried, the harness *was* my creative option!! My child wanted to walk on his own, and he didn't want to hold hands. The harness was, to him, a great solution to this problem.

Any time you start giving small children ultimatums, whther is is "If you won't hold my hand you have to stay in the stroller!" or it is "Okay, you ran away again so I'm putting you in the sling!" or "Okay, we have to wear your harness when we go down to the gorge!" you are controlling your child. You are setting up a situation where if they do not do what YOU want, there is a consequence that they may or may not want. It may be to keep them safe in a crowd, but its still a condition and a consequence.

For a toddler, then, why is it *not* demeaning to be forced into a sling or stroller to "keep them safe" when they want to walk, but it *is* demeaning to be allowed to walk, but with a safety harness?


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## clovergirl (Dec 1, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *felix23* 
Do know what I find demeaning? Once I saw a mom forcing a screaming toddler into a sling. He wanted to walk and the mom kept saying that he wouldn't walk next to her so he had to ride in the sling. He screamed for 20 minutes until he eventually went to sleep. That was way more demeaning then my toddler trotting happily and safely through the mall wearing her harness.

just wanted to comment on this, as i have been in this situation with my DS. when he gets tired, he stops listening and his impulse control goes out the window. there have been numerous times that i have forced DS into a sling or back carrier because he wasn't behaving appropriately only to have him freak out and then fall asleep... _cause he needed a nap._ putting him on a leash would not change the situation or make him happier/more compliant.


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
... Darn. No third option.

I don't feel they're demeaning. And I'm not going to ask my young child if he's okay with wearing one.

I agree
I would not want to be the person that loses their child.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 

Creative options? For me, after a few really awful situations involving him going completely limp on scorching ashphalt rather than either walking or be carried, the harness *was* my creative option!! My child wanted to walk on his own, and he didn't want to hold hands. The harness was, to him, a great solution to this problem.

Exactly!! My DS was the same way!


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## greenmansions (Feb 16, 2005)

I did not vote because none of the options fit. I own a harness. I have taken it with me on trips where we will be navigating crowded airports, or to crowded festivals and the like. I have not had to use it. But my kids have a lot of fun playing with it at home.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
... Darn. No third option.

I don't feel they're demeaning. And I'm not going to ask my young child if he's okay with wearing one.

Ditto.

My youngest is fearless. My youngest is a runner. After the second time he took off on me in Target, I bought him one of those little Monkey backpack/harnesses. I don't treat him like a dog when he's wearing it. It gives him the freedom to explore a little without me having to chase him across the store. He doesn't mind it.

I've never asked my children for permission if I need to do something to ensure their safety, and with 4 kids, waiting to do things until everyone is willing to be cooperative and compliant isn't always an option.


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## Treece (Apr 5, 2006)

Creative parenting=doing things that help my child learn, things with a twist, different from how my mom did them.

When I said I held my ds1's hand and he ran, he had 2 options: hold my hand (he decided to run) or be carried. I can't have him running wild, plus i don't like strollers. They're incredibly unmaneuverable. Hand-holding isn't long term or without the child's conesnt. If his hand hurt, or whatever, he could change hands or we would find a different solution.

DS2 has been walking since 8 mo. We no longer use a wrap b/c he doesn't like facing in and I"m not sure of wrapping for facing out or on the back. I won't use a leash. He has my temper and I really expect some fights from him on running away. We will always have an alternative. Right now, it's my eyes. He got out of sight the other day at the grocery store. Ya know what he was doing? Looking at greeting cards!!! LOL. I give him probably too much freedom, but I won't leash him. I won't take it away. I put him in the cart if he will ride, I carry him if not, I let him walk as a last resort. I just have to be very diligent with this one, but that's my job as his mom.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Treece* 
Creative parenting=doing things that help my child learn, things with a twist, different from how my mom did them.

When I said I held my ds1's hand and he ran, he had 2 options: hold my hand (he decided to run) or be carried. I can't have him running wild, plus i don't like strollers. They're incredibly unmaneuverable. Hand-holding isn't long term or without the child's conesnt. If his hand hurt, or whatever, he could change hands or we would find a different solution.

DS2 has been walking since 8 mo. We no longer use a wrap b/c he doesn't like facing in and I"m not sure of wrapping for facing out or on the back. I won't use a leash. He has my temper and I really expect some fights from him on running away. We will always have an alternative. Right now, it's my eyes. He got out of sight the other day at the grocery store. Ya know what he was doing? Looking at greeting cards!!! LOL. I give him probably too much freedom, but I won't leash him. I won't take it away. I put him in the cart if he will ride, I carry him if not, I let him walk as a last resort. I just have to be very diligent with this one, but that's my job as his mom.









Okay...so if you hold his hand, and he twists out of it...then does that again...then does that again...then does that again - so you switch to carrying him, and he screams and cries and is obviously miserable (and/or you're in pain, because you're pregnant or post-op or have a bad back)...what then? If you don't want to leash him, that's fine - but what about when the only alternatives are keeping him home all the time or letting him run into traffic?


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

So far 20% of parents think they are demeaning.
not all of the other 80% actually uses leashes, they just respect it as a healthy option that others have a need to use.

So, if you are a non leash user, fear not, you are not alone!


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

I said I think they are fine, not demeaning. But I don't care if the kid agrees with it or not. Honestly if I felt I needed to use one, I wouldn't expect the child to be "okay" with it...and that certainly wouldn't be a requirement for using it. IMO they are something a parent chooses for a child's safety and parent's sanity because the child runs off. So what the child would choose would be running off ! IMO not an acceptable choice. I coercively confine our 3.5 yo to a stroller to go certain places, and the seat of a shopping cart for others, because otherwise he will run off, which I cannot deal with. And I am not willing to "just not go" and be trapped at home by a 3 yo, and I do not have any other options for getting errands done or being able to go places other than to take him with me. So he knows the deal....when he is ready to stop running away from me, he gets to walk. Until then - in the stroller with the harness on. Which he does not fight or complain about because he knows what rules he has to follow to be out of it, and when he is ready to follow them is his choice to make. What I am doing is not that different than a leash - except I don't have to deal with him pulling on the leash. The stroller is easier...but if I chose a leash I would not have any inner conflicts about doing so.


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *clovergirl* 
just wanted to comment on this, as i have been in this situation with my DS. when he gets tired, he stops listening and his impulse control goes out the window. there have been numerous times that i have forced DS into a sling or back carrier because he wasn't behaving appropriately only to have him freak out and then fall asleep... _cause he needed a nap._ putting him on a leash would not change the situation or make him happier/more compliant.


Omgosh, this is so so so so true! And it might look bad from the outside, but my dd would not have faired better on a leash, she would have still been tired!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've never seen that leashes/harnesses even work very well if the child doesn't like them. I mentioned in one of the current threads that my mom tried one with my brother - not the only way to handle him, but certainly by the easiest, if it had worked - and it just didn't work. He'd throw himself on the ground and refuse to walk. She quickly determined that it was less work to just carry him if she had to, than to put the harness on, deal with the resulting meltdown, _then_ carry him. It did also mean, however, that he missed out on doing some things he would have liked to do. DD would have, too, if she'd hated the harness.

(I don't tend to use "leash" as it conjures up a mental image of a leash with a collar, and I've never seen one of those!)


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Treece* 
Creative parenting=doing things that help my child learn, things with a twist, different from how my mom did them.

When I said I held my ds1's hand and he ran, he had 2 options: hold my hand (he decided to run) or be carried. I can't have him running wild, plus i don't like strollers. They're incredibly unmaneuverable. Hand-holding isn't long term or without the child's conesnt. If his hand hurt, or whatever, he could change hands or we would find a different solution.

DS2 has been walking since 8 mo. We no longer use a wrap b/c he doesn't like facing in and I"m not sure of wrapping for facing out or on the back. I won't use a leash. He has my temper and I really expect some fights from him on running away. We will always have an alternative. Right now, it's my eyes. He got out of sight the other day at the grocery store. Ya know what he was doing? Looking at greeting cards!!! LOL. I give him probably too much freedom, but I won't leash him. I won't take it away. I put him in the cart if he will ride, I carry him if not, I let him walk as a last resort. I just have to be very diligent with this one, but that's my job as his mom.










This explains my feelings on not using one and actually it never occured to me to use one until I saw this thread on friday or whenever it came up....I never even thought about it one time, just never crossed my mind. Plus my dd is not really old enough to say, "hey, mommy I want one of those" but boy, she is a great runner!


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