# So just how often does one have sex in a co-sleeping family?



## huggingmama (Oct 17, 2005)

I'm curious about this, because of the previous thread. Our sex life has definitely suffered.







Not because of co-sleeping, just because of DS. I know that we're supposed to get creative and do it places other than the bed, but we're just both too pooped.

I'm going to try to figure out how to post a poll on this. Hmm.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:

Our sex life has definitely suffered. Not because of co-sleeping, just because of DS.
See that's the key--it's not about where a child sleeps, it's about having a baby in your life! It's hard work!


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

We definitely don't have sex as often, but it has nothing to do with cosleeping. It's just having children at all! Having the time and energy for it just seems to elude us! There are weeks that are better than others, but its still not what it was.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Yeah, it's not the cosleeping for us. We're just TIRED all the time.







Although the kids are now on a bed right next to ours so that does help some....if we can stay awake.


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## kyangel80 (Oct 5, 2005)

did not read the thread, but answered usually more than once a week. I have 2 that sleep with us and 2 who don't. We just have worked out an arrangement that works for us. Here's how it goes. Right now DD2 will not go to sleep in her bed even if someone lays down with her, so we have to let her go to sleep in our bed. Luckily this only takes about 2 seconds b/c dd does not currently nap during the day. Ds2 will go to sleep by being nursed wherever. In our bed in the living room, etc. So after they are both asleep we transfer them to their beds and we go to bed







For us this works beautifully. They will usually sleep for a good 2-3 hours before waking. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way, but more times than not it does. If it doesn't work out, no big deal. We don't feel stressed or frustrated b/c we know that we will probably get a little time together the next night. The kids don't seem to mind a bit. When dd wakes she just be-bops in our room with a smile and her blanky and asks for a boost up and ds just wakes up and starts calling for me or I hear him moving around and then he piles in to nurse back to sleep and we all sleep snug as bugs in a rug.(Except when dd is kicking dh all night and crowdin' him off his pillow and ds is up playing in the middle of the night poking dh in the eye and ear and putting his entire mouth over dh's nose, lol. Didn't want to paint the proverbial perfect co-sleepin' picture, we have our rough spots too.)


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

definately more than once a week







:


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Our arrangement is that any time dh can get ds rocked to sleep before we go to bed, we have sex. It usually works out to be a couple nights a week


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Well, before I got pregnant when we were TTC it was every night. Now it's once or twice a week, and almost always when DH initiates. I think it's just life, it has nothing to do with the family bed.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

We keep a co sleeper thing in our room and move the baby there. Then when he wakes up again I put him right back next to me.







We average once a week. I'm only 4 weeks pp right now and dry as a desert, so it isn't more frequent because of that. Two or three times is our average when I'm back to normal.


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

Co-Sleeping has never really affected my sex life. However, just going through the process of giving birth, raising a child, going to work, managing a home, these combined have a tendency to dramatically affect my sex drive. Sometimes the very thought of getting down and dirty makes me want to run the one minute mile, especially when I'm exhausted


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## leighann79 (Aug 4, 2005)

As long as Colleen isn't too restless and I'm not too tired, we have been on a roll of almost every night. We can't go somewhere other than the bed though. Colleen will wake up if I'm not there to put a hand on her.


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## zannster (Aug 12, 2004)

About once a week here. DH wishes it were more often.









It's hard to speculate how often it would be if we weren't co-sleeping. We were one of those [apparently few here] couples who had probably 90% of our sex in our bed, so it was a big change to stop doing so. If our son had been the type to sleep the majority of the night and not needed to be glued to Mama's side, it might have been different w/no co-sleeping. But given how needy he was/is, not co-sleeping would not have been any better for our sex life.


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## lanielayne (Jun 13, 2005)

I answered once a month. It doesn't have a thing to do with co-sleeping because we can always find a way around that. I am pg with #4 and dh normally works 2 jobs so we are just plain tired. Not too mention that after 13 years together sex just isn't top priority for us though I think affection is important.


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## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

We have a deal worked out: once a month. DH wants a couple times a week; I'd prefer never. It doesn't have to do with co-sleeping, just that I have zero sex drive when I am breastfeeding. Poor DH.


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## RootBeerFloat (Nov 22, 2005)

We're once a week or every two . . . we actually dtd more often now since dd is born, I think because we have to be creative about it and take it less for granted. I think that being parents has helped us fall in love again in a new way, and that's helped, too.


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Almost every day, but it's been a LONG time since we dtd in a bed.








What works for us is after the baby wakes around 4-5 am for her nursing. When she's back to sleep, we sneak out, then afterwards, go back and lay down.
That way, we both have the energy, and, yet, we can still sleep afterwards.


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## Jazzmin (Jun 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimim*
We have a deal worked out: once a month. DH wants a couple times a week; I'd prefer never. It doesn't have to do with co-sleeping, just that I have zero sex drive when I am breastfeeding. Poor DH.









:

I have compromised to a few times a week though








What can you do?


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## scorch_dc (Jul 31, 2005)

Cosleeping hasn't affected our sex life, but just having kids, having a home business, and my husband getting his Masters (in addition to FT job) means of course our lives are just different and so is everything else! I think that is how it is for everyone.

When there are so many things in life, it is easy to put intimacy at the bottom of the "to-do" list (at least for me). Breastfeeding means lower sex drive too, I think. But the nice thing about co-sleeping is that it makes my husband and I prioritize and make a conscious effort to have 'us' time. Since we don't have sex in bed anymore, we also are therefore being intimate earlier (and are not so tired).


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## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)

we find time at least twice a week, which is much less than prebaby. we're tired. i put the baby to sleep in our bed and then we go find a random surface somewhere in the house (or porch







). we've actually gotten a lot closer since we don't have sex every night. we actually sit and talk for hours. it's nice.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

I am curious to know that for people who say that cosleeping does not affect their sex life do you have older children? I am asking because I have a 14 yo ds and with a teenager in the house and both dh & I working it is extremely hard to dtd. I mean we can't just catch a quickie in the living room though one day we deed catch a quick one in the bathroom but even that was dicey. I have plenty of drive just hard to get the time.









Shay


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## lanielayne (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme*
I am curious to know that for people who say that cosleeping does not affect their sex life do you have older children? I am asking because I have a 14 yo ds and with a teenager in the house and both dh & I working it is extremely hard to dtd. I mean we can't just catch a quickie in the living room though one day we deed catch a quick one in the bathroom but even that was dicey. I have plenty of drive just hard to get the time.









Shay

My oldest is only 6 but every so often on the weekend we put dd down for a nap and set the boys up with a movie and we retire to our bedroom for a quickie. We have been interrupted quite a bit but we just tell them we are spending some time together alone. You could use that for your son couldn't you? Or tell him you and dad are going to have a conversation in the bedroom privately?







I am sure that by the time my son is that age he will know what is going on but it is a natural normal thing and at least he know we are giving affection to one another.


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

we are a once a day (average out over the week







) couple and have the babe and and older kid who is 6. we are lucky b/c dd is a cery heavy seeper(6yo). at 11 mos ds is on a predictable enough schedule that we can sort of plan around his sleep times.

we don't get to use the bed very often but our couch does fold out so i guess that compensates. we've always split pretty evenly between the couch and the bed before ds came along. so it hasn't been to difficult to make the adjustment and just use the couch 90% of the time now.

we have been caught in the act once or twice but we just told the truth and said we were sorry for being so loud and sorry for not shutting/locking the door. i don't think shes scarred or anything.


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## nubianamy (Jul 6, 2005)

It's been about once a month here. I'm usually in bed and asleep hours before dh is done working, so it's hard to find time. Also, dh prefers not to have sex unless I'm going to enjoy it, too, so that means I decide when, and mostly I'm just not that interested.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Your baby isn't that old that you can't be in the same room. I know as a culture we're weird about it, but what do you think people in one room houses do/did?


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## 4Marmalade (May 4, 2004)

Usually 2-3 times a week here. We're lucky in that both dc's got to bed early (7pm) and we have a guest room downstairs that we can take advantage of. I agree with most everyone else in that cosleeping has never affected our sex life. Just children and life in general. We have gone through many phases, from once every couple of weeks up to what we have now. Dh would be happy with every day and I would be happy with 1-2 times a week. So we seem to be doing OK meeting in the middle.


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## tash11 (Mar 12, 2006)

we are at about the same as before the baby. (2-3X a week). the hardest part right now is its VERY hard to get her to sleep without me. and she wont play by herself (the living room with her toys is just out from the bedroom and we keep the door open so we can hear her) for long enough. and now shes gotten quite mobile but not good enough at geting off the bed/couch without it being headfirst. so basically I have to get her to sleep, on the floor, at night (her naps are short, especilly without me). but it does work.

(although we find it funny that our new 'pick up line' has become 'hey, the babys asleep')







:


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tash11*
although we find it funny that our new 'pick up line' has become 'hey, the babys asleep







:









same here


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## Brazilianmommy (Aug 3, 2006)

Cosleeping haven't affect our sex life, neither our DD, we have managed, when DD has her nap at 4pm(I mean when DH is home) we get advantage of that, sometimes DH doesn't go to work at all, sometimes all day(it doesn't happen much) or very early in the morning before DH leaves for work or the obvious when DD sleeps at night we took advantage(as someone here post) of the guestroom( which we have 4 of them) or of any other room of our home(with 3 levels you can imagine how many rooms







: )


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## MOM2ANSLEY (May 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BusyMommy*
Yeah, it's not the cosleeping for us. We're just TIRED all the time.

















:


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## ethansemi (Aug 7, 2006)

Quote:

we are a once a day (average out over the week ) couple








us too!!

Quote:

we don't get to use the bed very often but our couch does fold out so i guess that compensates. we've always split pretty evenly between the couch and the bed before ds came along. so it hasn't been to difficult to make the adjustment and just use the couch 90% of the time now.

















I always think it's crazy when people think you can't have sex if you co-sleep like the bedroom is the only place to do it....Guess they've never had sex in the laundry room!!







All I can say is this house is full of A LOT of "love"







and co-sleeping doesn't stop that!!!!

Quote:

I am curious to know that for people who say that cosleeping does not affect their sex life do you have older children? I am asking because I have a 14 yo ds and with a teenager in the house and both dh & I working it is extremely hard to dtd. I mean we can't just catch a quickie in the living room though one day we deed catch a quick one in the bathroom but even that was dicey. I have plenty of drive just hard to get the time.
When I was about 11 (with sibs 9, 7 and 5) we always watched "Bill Nye the Sicence Guy" and knew durring that time mom and dad had their "special" time (yes we knew they were having sex!) It was just part of life!!!


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

It isnt the co sleeping here either, it is the







factor I usually go to sleep nd I hate being woke up.


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## Juliacat (May 8, 2002)

We just do it in the other room. We don't do it very much because we're both so tired, but that would be true regardless of dd's sleeping place.


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

how about letting your dc sleep on the couch while you have some time together?


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## jarynsmom06 (May 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kyangel80*
Except when dd is kicking dh all night and crowdin' him off his pillow and ds is up playing in the middle of the night poking dh in the eye and ear and putting his entire mouth over dh's nose, lol. .)









: That is just hilarious...My ds is only 4 months old, but if you put him anywhere near your face he will try to eat your nose or chin.....I can just picture a child doing this while daddy is trying to sleep...


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

It isn't co-sleeping that gets in our way, it's other family! My sister lived with us the summer (home from college) and my mom lives in an apartment attached to our house. She can see in our windows from her apartment! We don't have a guest room, when my sister is home. We had no where to go. DD is a pretty light sleeper, we use to just dtd when she was in the room with us, but she'll wake up now. I have joked with DH that we were really lucky we got pregnant on "accident" this spring because we NEVER could have managed to get pregnant this summer with a house full of people!


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## Shell_Ell (Jun 13, 2005)

Cosleeping didn't affect our sex life much. We are a once a week couple.


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## forest~mama (Mar 16, 2005)

We haven't been dtd very often since dd was born. Mostly because I have not been in the mood. I wouldn't say that the fact that dd sleeps with us effects our sex life. Like right now, she is sound asleep, we have a baby monitor, and a spare bed in the other room. Still, here I am on MDC.


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## emcare (Sep 11, 2005)

We are an every other day couple and co-sleeping hasn't changed that. I really think that it's been better. I always say it's like we're teenagers again because we have to sneek around sometimes and find new, adventurous places to dtd.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

Co-sleeping hasn't affected our sex life but having children, BFing, and being pregnant sure has!! Poor DH maybe someday we will be the wild and crazy couple we once were *hoping*


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## richella (Nov 30, 2004)

We don't do it enough. It's easy enough to go in the living room after dd is asleep. We don't have a guest room -- well, we have 14, we have motel, but we'd have to leave the building to go to one of them. (We sometimes joke about checking ourselves in for a getaway, but then we'd have to clean it up, just like at home, he he) Anyway as long as we get the musical toys off the couch it's just fine. We're just too tired.


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## cjuniverse (Sep 22, 2005)

After a 14 1/2 month dry spell, my husband and I made love last week. It was a bit awkward with our son sleeping not 2 ft away, though (fortunately he sleeps pretty soundly). We both agreed next time we'd find another arrangement.

It'll be a while before we're back in the groove, but as my drive has recently upped I'm sure we'll find the time/space to work it all out.


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## chickieleighc (Feb 10, 2006)

Okay, I'm going to admit it. I clicked "once per year."







We didn't have a raging sex life before having the baby (we were once/twice per month-ers then), DH wasn't comfortable doing the deed while I was pregnant after preterm labor problems, and now that we're tired all the time, it just doesn't happen. Or, I should say, it has only happened once since DS's birth. We'd probably get creative and use other rooms, but we have a roommate. *shrug* Neither of us is really bothered by it yet, as we're still quite enthalled with the littlest member of the family and love having him share the bed with us. We can still be affectionate without actually having sex.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

i voted every few months.......but its not because of co-sleeping, its because of ds and schedules







we are both just to tired or busy with other things when ds is asleep.


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## Avonlea (Jan 21, 2002)

I have done a modified co-sleeping, and now have my kids in their own room in their own bed. They are 5 and 3, and so that has helped. I never felt sexual in the bed while either of them were present. I have friends who did have sex with a sleeping child near them in the bed or in the room..but personally, I Can't Do That. I never could. I have to have the kids OUT of the bed AND the room for sex to occur.


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## MyNameIsBen (May 24, 2006)

Shee-it. All the damn time, now, and Viv is only 15 days old!

I have to go.


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## Lazyhead (Mar 27, 2006)

Wow I'm impressed that ya'll are gettin it on so much!! I am thinking maybe I am older than lots of you and I've been with DH for 10 years....anyway, we DTD about every other week.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I'd say usually every 2-3 weeks. Neither DH or I have a very big sex drive at the moment anyway so we are fine with it.


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## crsta33 (Oct 13, 2004)

Once a year is what I selected, but once since ds was born might be more appropriate. I'm just not interested...at all. The only thing that bothers me about it is the guilt over not wanting to.

Christa


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## huggingmama (Oct 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lazyhead*
Wow I'm impressed that ya'll are gettin it on so much!!

I'm the OP--and I was just thinking the same thing! I am amazed, impressed, and in awe. Since I marked every few months (sadly), you all inspire me.


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## wryknowlicious (Apr 19, 2006)

I'd say about 2 or 3 times a week.

and we arn;t really creative about it. we just do it here ever we happen to be once the girls are asleep.
they go to bed at 8:30 and 9:30.... from 9:30 on we are free to get on it wherever.


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

wow, it's sad that "usually more than once a week" is the highest there is.
My dd is much older than most here and I can say that as the dc gets older things get better. DTD almost always happens in the daytime here. We've found that dd would start sitting through a video (30-45 min) since about age 2. Now dd knows that mommy and daddy need to talk alone sometimes and that we get very grumpy if we don't. dd rarely watches movies so there's even times when she will ask us if we need to talk because she wants to watch a movie


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## Moonprysm (Jun 2, 2006)

Once a month or so here. It's practically impossible since we cosleep. DS absolutely refuses to sleep unless he is nursing or snuggled up to my chest, so just having sex elsewhere isn't really an option. Although I did wake up at like, 3am the other day and manage to lay DS in the cosleeper for 3 hours before he woke up.


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