# Biting younger sibling- what do you do?



## BellaRose0212 (Apr 3, 2009)

*A friend of mine recently asked for some advice regarding her four-year-old biting her one-year-old. Moms of tots and babes: what do you (or would you) do? I would like to give her some advice for non-punitive responses to her child's behavior.*

The following quotation is from my friend:
"{boy of 4 years} has done things that he never learned from us or other kids (biting, is a good example). When a child misbehaves severely (bites, hits, throws, kicks, screams or other not socially acceptable stuff) let's say you sit down and have a chat with them about it. Then, it happens again. Now, you calmly let them know that, because it has been discussed before, you are now going to have to take a toy away or some other privilege. Then, it happens again. Where do you go from there? Now think of a family who has 4, 5, 6 kids and that child-centered parenting isn't just unhealthy, now it's downright impossible.

A specific example I have is the very few times that {boy, 4 years} has actually bitten {girl, 1 year}. Thankfully, he has never done it to another child. Now, I can say for sure that (at least 2 out of the three times) he was frustrated over something but couldn't quite express it. I'm still not sure exactly what he was frustrated about, but I just know he was. I admit to a lot of child-centered behavior before I knew better. Hubby is still bad about this but only because I don't think he totally understands what it is and how damaging it is. So, maybe it's just general anger over not being the center of my life 24/7??
Anyhoo, after the 1st time, I got understandably angry with him for biting the baby. The second time it happened, I calmly bent over and told him that I was going to do the same thing to him. I apologized for hurting him and briefly talked about it (toddler's have short attn spans). That worked for a long time although he took a little nibble a few days ago (again, I gave him a little nibble right back). I always tell him that I wouldn't let anyone bite HIM either.

So, again, I'm looking for ideas and open to thoughts, opinions, etc."
*
Please help me give her some advice. I have no experiences as to what works because I only have one child who is eight months old. This advice will also be seen by other members of our mom's group who have young children or are expecting. Perhaps it will be beneficial to them too. Thank you!*


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## OTMomma (Aug 12, 2003)

I don't believe in hitting or biting a child back- I just don't. However, in the event that my older bit my younger, I would make it very clear to the bitter that I was mad- talking in my angry mommy voice (not yelling) and tell the child "We do not hurt sister. Period. I know you were frustrated about X- but that is not OK" I would then turn to give the injured child extra attention and tell the bitter to play on his own until he felt ready to play nicely (I might suggest he play in his room, but that would depend on the situation).


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## ~Coyotebones~ (Feb 5, 2006)

I am also having this problem, and man is it frustrating. My son is nearly 4 and a 1/2 and bites his 1 and a 1/2 year old brother almost daily. Yes, daily. I stay home, and I am always with them, but somehow the second I turn my back this happens. AGGGGG! I am so frustrated right now that I just want to send my oldest away! I have tried EVERYTHING to stop this problem, and nothing works. I am seriously thinking of sending him to preschool 5 mornings a week just so the youngest and I can get away from this behaviour.

I thought too that explaining to the oldest that it hurts would work, but form experience I can tell you it doesn't. Explaining things to someone this age does not work because, as yet, they are not rational and not capable of controlling such behaviour, especially once there is a pattern set up. I hear you concerning child centered parenting, and that it isn't good when you have more than one child. I was very child centered with my first, and now he is extreemly jelous. If only I had known...


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