# Ethical dilemma involving carseat safety



## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

We loaned our Graco SafeSeat to another family for a few weeks. They don't have a car and just needed the seat to get babe home from the hospital. I guess they used it a few more times (fine) and on one outing the carseat was sitting atop a picnic table when a "huge branch" fell on it. Thank goodness the baby was not in it at the time. This incident was reported to my husband by our friend.

I'm concerned about the safety of the seat now. I've asked them repeatedly how big the branch was (as thick as your arm? leg? finger?) so that I can get a realistic idea of how compromised the seat might be. There is apparently no visible damage, but there likely wouldn't be had the seat been in an car accident yet I wouldn't reuse a carseat in those circumstances. Our friends have dodged the issue several times.

This couple doesn't have much money and we honestly don't expect them to buy us a new carseat, but it would be nice to get an apology and at least an offer to compensate us somehow (even if we decided not to take them up on the compensation). We have loaned them money in the past and they have not ever repaid us in spite of promises to do so. I know it was our mistake to loan them the carseat in the first place.

So, do I just accept the return of the damaged seat and throw it away? I guess I don't feel it's safe to use at this point. Should I tell them that I don't feel the seat is safe for our family to use and just let them keep the seat?

Oy. I'll NEVER loan these people anything again.


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## PassionateWriter (Feb 27, 2008)

is this a WWYD???? if so, i think i may change the way you are thinking about things. You were a great neighbor to loan the car seat but like all loans, you have to make them considering something MAY happen..and it did.

If you were not intending on giving them the seat, I would just approach the mom and/or dad and ask how big the limb was. They told you, so it doesnt seem they are trying to lie to you. And just explain the SAFETY issue of the potential damage. Get an estimate of the branch.

IF it was a big branch, do they have home owner's insurance? The property is more than likely insured (home owners or renters insurance).

Contact the manufacturer and ask what their policy is re: this type of damage.

AFTER I had done all those things, and gotten nowhere, I may just tell them the seat is unsafe to use (if thats your conclusion) and take the seat back. I wouldn't use it if I deemed it was unsafe though.

Sorry about the seat.


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## TefferTWH (May 13, 2008)

I don't think you'll ever get the real story or if you do, that you will be able to trust it. I would stop asking for it back and just replace it. And don't loan them things again.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TefferTWH* 
I don't think you'll ever get the real story or if you do, that you will be able to trust it. I would stop asking for it back and just replace it. And don't loan them things again.

Yes I agree. This is water under the bridge. You must have known that if you loaned them something and it got broken that they wouldn't pay for it if they haven't repaid loans. I'd just know that they don't have the money to pay things back or replace things, and therefore I wouldn't loan them anything or any money. If you give them something, consider it a gift, and if you aren't comfortable giving it as a gift don't give it at all.

I would take the seat back and get rid of it. You can tell them you'll have to get rid of it because it isn't safe anymore if you want, but it sounds like they wouldn't be able to pay for it even if they wanted to so it wouldn't really solve anything and would just make them feel bad.

I do understand how frustrating it is because I have friends who have broken things I've loaned them without replacement too. But you can't make people do what you think they should do, so you kind of have to get on with your life and deal with the things you can control and let the rest go.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Well, I wouldn't hold what was basically an "act of God" against them. Unless they were sawing branches off the tree while it was sitting there, they didn't do this on purpose! Maybe they don't want to talk about it because they do feel crappy about this having happened and know they can't fix it.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

So what's the dilemma? Whether you should take the seat back and dispose of it properly or let them keep it, knowing that they might use it even though it may not 100% safe?


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## Tofu the Geek (Dec 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
Well, I wouldn't hold what was basically an "act of God" against them. Unless they were sawing branches off the tree while it was sitting there, they didn't do this on purpose! Maybe they don't want to talk about it because they do feel crappy about this having happened and know they can't fix it.

But they were only supposed to use it to bring baby home from hospital. They continued to use it after the fact, without asking for permission to continue using it (at least that's what I gathered from the OP). The branch falling on it, happened during one of the "unauthorized" uses.

I'd likely call Graco and ask about items falling on the seat. If they say it needs to be replaced, then I'd simply tell them that you need the seat back as Graco has instructed you to destroy it since you don't know the size of the object that landed on it.


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## gwynthfair (Mar 17, 2006)

I say better that they used the carseat for "unauthorized use" than use no car seat at all. If it were me, and I didn't feel comfortable using the carseat again (though if there was no visible damage, I would probably use it) I would just let them have it and get a new one.

If in the future they ask to borrow money, simply tell them that you cannot continue to borrow money if they don't pay you back.

I know it's frustrating, but some people just don't have their stuff together, and when you try to help them or give them money, you have to consider that you won't get it back. I'd give them the carseat and chalk it up as one safer baby in the world. If they can't afford a carseat, then the possibly damaged one is better than none at all.


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