# older child jealous & feeling left out



## frodo (Nov 3, 2002)

i was a single mom when my son was born & made the mistake of listening to the " experts" who told me it was dangerous to co-sleep with my son. so he slept in a crib in the living room where i could hear him & see him during his naps. he hated going to bed, and hated sleep in general, and would scream and struggle so much that i couldn't even rock him to sleep. i let him CIo, because the "experts" told me to that, too.

he is now 5, and, thanks to the wonderful information in the special co-sleeping issue of mothering, and the fact that my husband is educated & supportive about parenting, we happily co-sleep with our dd, and the "experts" can go blow dandelions. at 6 months, she is quiet, secure and happy. 5-year-old big bro, however is neurotic and insecure and always has been. he gets jealous, and rightly so, of dd sleeping with us, and feels left out being the only member of the family sleeping alone in his own room.

we've tried letting him sleep with us occaisionally, either with him in the bed with the rest of us, or in his sleeping bag on the floor. he won't sleep, he spends the whole night talking, showing off, getting out of bed, jumping around, wiggling, and generally behaving so poorly that _nobody_ gets any sleep.

it is horribly unfair that ds was unable to experience co-sleeping as a baby, and i would love to experience the closeness of cosleeping with him, especially when he has nightmares or has had an exceptionally bad day. however, the rest of us need our sleep too! what can i do?

frodo


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## 2much2luv (Jan 12, 2003)

You are a wonderful mom! I made so many mistakes with my first dd because of the "experts". I am convinced that first born children are blessed with stronger spirits because we have so much to learn with them.
Maybe your little boy is just so excited that he is being included that he can't settle down. If I were you I would tough it out 2 or 3 nights in a row, coping however you can, and see if he improves. I know it is easier said than done...







but it seems like he really needs to be with you but doesn't know how to sleep with others. Just as you trained him as a baby to sleep alone through many tough nights you may have to train him now to sleep with others.
Good luck!


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