# Missed Miscarriage



## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

This was my first miscarriage. I am 41 and I have five children, the youngest just turned two. I've never had a problem getting pregnant and it never even occurred to me that I could miscarry. This was a missed miscarriage so I began lightly spotting bright red spots, didn't think much of it but went to the er anyway. They said my hcg levels were on target and my cervix was closed up tightly. I was about 11 weeks along and it all looked great. Until the US. No heartbeat and the embryo was less than eight weeks along.
Chromosomal abnormalities due to advanced maternal age. I was given my three choices and it was thought that since it was showing no signs of being expelled, waiting it out probably wasn't the best option. D&C would have meant waiting for a few days, so I took the pills.
Nothing happened first six hours so I did the second dose. Still nothing. Next morning cramps got worse and the floodgates opened. That was Tuesday. Today is Friday and I'm still bleeding heavily at times and passing tissue occasionally. This has been devastating as you all will know.
This pregnancy was a surprise. Not planned and took time to adjust to. But now that it's over I just want it back. We adjusted. I was ready. We all were.
The cramps are still painful and I'm out of pain meds. How long will this go on? Bleeding? Cramping? I want the physical pain to be over at least. I get that the heart pain will take longer.
I've read you can get pregnant as soon as two weeks after the miscarriage starts. I will hope for a better egg. I will keep taking my prenatals with folic acid.
I am busy talking my husband into trying again, even though it would be replacing an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy. I am too old to wait too long for another chance
Missed miscarriage seems to have been the most awful part of it.
Any other older moms? Especially those with healthy kids already.


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## M.Q. (Sep 5, 2009)

I'm not an older mom; my loss was at age 30 and my first baby will be this year, at 34- but I wanted to let you know that I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My loss was an unexpected babe, too. I didn't even have a pos HPT until I started bleeding/miscarrying. Be gentle with yourself. I'm sure other mamas here will have wisdom for you.


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## thentherewere4 (Jul 9, 2012)

Hi there,

I'm so very sorry to "meet" you here, but it still the only place on MDC that I truly feel comfortable.

I am 41 and have 3 healthy children that were easily conceived, and there were no complications during pg. I very unexpectedly found myself pg with #4, and DH and I had a profound struggle with this surprise. I was OK with it before DH was, and there were some very serious differences in how to proceed with the pg. Once he realized the only way forward was to welcome #4 into the family, he came around somewhat.

Right around 12 weeks the spotting started...bright red...and it didn't stop.

The small mercy was that this happened just before we intended to tell the children.

The emotional pain of the journey was so sharp and so all-encompassing, I found the days extremely hard to get through in any sort of "normal" way. I managed to maintain the facade, and DH lost himself in his work. We both suffered immensely.

I am so scared to have a surprise pg again because of DH's painful reaction, and I feel like my fertility is running out. It is a truly terrible way to come to the end of my fertile years.

The m/c happened last September, due date was March....I did whatever I needed to do just to get through the day...I kept it together for the kids during the day, but often lost myself in bad food and wine in the evenings when DH was at the office.

No advice, just lots of sympathy and empathy.

It is surprising how often this terrible scenario plays out....

feel free to p.m. me.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Rewritten. Stupid bots. Sorry my tech savvy is pouring out of me with everything else currently.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I took the misoprostol Monday, started bleeding and cramping Tuesday. Passed huge quantities of blood and tissue then. Including a hard round clot the size of a small lime. Continued to bleed heavy all week and cramp. Today, Saturday, I came home from taking my kids to swim and the embryo fell out into my pad.
My dr promised me nothing would be discernible. All microscopic she said. Nothing but inch long clots and a lot of blood. I held that embryo in my hand.
It was awful. The worst. Horrifying.
I would have chosen a D&C but for that promise.
There is no one to tell no one who can sympathize. No one to bring me a drink of water and a hug. This is so solitary. It's so awful. So very very sad and awful. I


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## thentherewere4 (Jul 9, 2012)

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.

....so sorry that you are going through this alone.

No one can truly understand what you are going through.

just put one foot in front of the other, and do whatever you need to to get through this horrible thing.

Please know that despite how isolated you feel, you are NOT alone.

again, feel free to send me a msg.

I am so sorry for you loss.

Sincerely,

TTW4


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## LLQ1011 (Mar 28, 2012)

I an so sorry mama. Its so hard. You will be in ny thoughts especially today.


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## 100%mom (Jan 12, 2007)

I'm so sorry. I'm not an older mom, but I have had 3 miscarriages.


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

i am not that old but i know how you feel about see the embryo cause i saw my at a almost 8 week loss they never tell you that cause they don't want to scare you but i the mom every really looks they will see most case the mom pass it in the toilet and never even looks but for me i would like to see my baby instead of not see my baby that way i can say my good byes i just want to say i am so very sorry for your loss and please do take care of your self


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I am doing better now although it is still quite raw so I hate it when people want to compare stories. I mean in person. I don't want to talk about it. In person. I don't want to hear how for you it was only a matter of one day of bleeding, Hcg levels under five within a week and you were pregnant two weeks after the mc. UGH!!
My stupid mc was missed. Didn't find out til close to the end of the first trimester. I guess that means my body will tke longer to get back to normal than a natural mc at five weeks. Niether is less horrific. I've just realized that I doubt I'll be so lucky as to be pregnant by next week. In fact I guess I'd better not even be trying.
Had blood drawn Monday and Hcg level was 13000. I don't go back for another draw for two weeks. Dr said to use protection until hcg is 0. Something about making sure I don't get a molar pregnancy. She at first said not to TTC for a cycle or two. I told her i didn't want to wait that long and she said fine but at least promise to wait for levels to be 0. Kinda upset I can't get another draw next Monday. Why wait two weeks? I was going to insist on a one week draw, but when the levels came back so high I was a bit in shock.
Good news is spotting is very light and brown. I'm soreish, but not cramping and no more heavy bleeding and two days of no bright red. Much as I don't want to, maybe my poor uterus does need the rest while I await my big zero.
I've never TTCd before. I'm considering buying those strips to test for ovulation. Hoping my husband won't be out of town when it's time.
I know it will happen when it's time, it's just so hard to wait.
Btw the thought of having to use protection is a joke- we NEVER do the deed. Very rarely. Thats how I always know exactly when I conceive.
My heart goes out to us all.
My husband did agree to let me have another baby. So as soon as possible I am ready!!!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

By the way, I DO like to read your stories online. It is helpful to know what others are going through or have been through. Somehow in person it's just too emotional. So I did not mean to be rude nor discount anyone's feelings. Every MC is awful. Each one is sad and horrible and devestating. My heart truly pours out to every single woman who has ever endured this. Peace.


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

i know how you feel it is hard to have a missed m/s that was the one i was talking about in my post to me it is harder then just losing it right away i have had both cause you have to wait and wonder when it is going to start or go in and have a d&c to me it was one of the most heart breaking to know i had a baby in me still that did not have a heart beat


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

oh and you can take the cheap pregnancy test to see if your levels are going down the lighter the test gets the lower your numbers are plus you know if you get a neg test your levels are zero


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

And watch me run to Walmart to stock up on the cheapo tests...

Pretty soon I will be asking how one plans a pregnancy. I know, seems an odd question, but I've never planned before and am anxious to get pregnant right away.


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

i hope you have a healthy baby on the way soon oh and check out the it really help me


 ~'*'~ Hope, Healing, and Conceiving ~ May 2013 ~'*'~  


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 38.5 (so "older") and we had five healthy children without trying. Then a few years went by after the last and we decided we weren't done, so we stopped avoiding and after a few months I was pregnant. I had a missed miscarriage. The baby died at 12 weeks 5 days but I didn't find out until a week later. I waited for it to start on its own and he was born about 10 days later. [I don't know why the doctor lied to you and said you wouldn't be able to see your baby at 11 weeks! That's crazy!] I was devastated and wanted to get pregnant again as soon as possible. We had never really tried and I was shocked when it didn't happen right away. I actually went out and bought OPKs, started temp charting, etc. Five months later I was pregnant again but lost that baby the same way - missed miscarriage when he was 13 weeks old. I delivered him after cytotec induction 12 days later (in the hospital). It was brutal. We don't know why I lost them. I was hesitant about getting pregnant again because I was so afraid of another loss. It turns out that my fear should have been that I wouldn't conceive again! 14 months later, after some lab work and a month of clomid I finally got pregnant. I'm 13.4 weeks now and still worried I'll miscarry but feeling some peace. Their birth stories are here (the first is Innocent and the second is Andrew). I hope you have an easy time conceiving again and you have a healthy baby in your arms soon. (((hugs)))


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Hi there! Thank you so much ladies to all of your support. I'd like to be able to bring hope to others. Or at least for others to not feel so alone. To know that the raw pain that you feel is shared by so many of us.
I'm going to jump over to a June TTC after a loss board. AF came June 6, so maybe I can catch that golden egg next week. No clue what's going in with my cycles but it's worth a shot. Hugs ladies!


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## alexisfaye (Mar 8, 2010)

Kind of an awful question, but could you tell if it was a boy or a girl? I'm waiting for my missed miscarriage baby. I named him/her Francis/Frances after my grandfather, but I'd just really like to know how I should be spelling it. I feel like having the right name gives me some closure. How ridiculous, huh? Anyway he or she was 8 weeks 4 days when the growing stopped. I was just wondering if I'd be able to tell.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

No. Mine was never really a baby. I did see a heartbeat at 7 weeks, but I don't think it was formed like an embryo should be. It was just large clumps. It was enough of a clump that I could tell it was more than just a clot, if that makes sense. But by 8 weeks the outer girl/boy parts wouldn't have been formed yet anyway, and in my case, I don't think it was really forming into a human baby.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

Alexisfaye, I lost mine at 13 weeks each and I could tell they were boys. It was right on the threshold though - had it been any earlier we probably wouldn't have been able to tell.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I thought I'd update. I didn't conceive in June. My dh went on strike stating that he changed his mind and didn't want anymore kids. I was pretty devestated and didn't feel that was fair on his part at all. His promise of trying for another was the only thing that got me through that awful time in May. In July I didn't bring up the subject and we didn't discuss birth control either. We did, however, bd more than usual.

I got my bfp just this past Monday!! I haven't even told dh yet! Unfortunately, the same day I got the bfp, I was also diagnosed with pneumonia. So, while I've been very happy, I've also not been able to go buy 800 more sticks to pee on, nor really ponder whether or not I "feel" pregnant. lol! Basically I just feel like crap. At least I was able to go in to the dr armed with my new knowledge so that I could be treated accordingly.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

Congratulations!!!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Thank you! I see you are expecting your rainbow too! My middle name is actually rainbow... lol! Best wishes for the birth you want! You are due five days before I was with my mc baby.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

Yes, thank God we were given another chance. Don't worry about this birth coinciding with your due date. I have a complete previa and they'll take the baby no later than 37 weeks (Oct 31st, lol) by c/s if I make it that far. No one is optimistic about that though. We're all hoping I get past 34 weeks. As long as it's a living, breathing baby, I could care less about the c/s!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Oh sweetie, I was t worried about the dates! I thought it was kinda cool actually. And yes, whatever it takes for a healthy baby! Keep me posted if you think about it!


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

oh congrats


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

No worries! So happy you're expecting yourself!!


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Congrats


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I went into the ER yesterday because I was having some strange sharp shooting pains down the left side of my abdomen. They think the pain I was feeling was located in my colon, not my uterus. They ordered the usual tests anyway. My hcg level was right on target, going up as it should according to my last beta check. My left ovary was unable to be seen as it seemed to be blocked by my bowels? I guess my colon is full? My right ovary has a large cyst, which I think is pretty normal. My gestation measured 6w 1d, which is a week behind as I was 7w. The sac measured 6w 2d. The heart rate was low at 78 bpm. There was also a subchorionic hemmorage next to the gestational sac, which they called large. 
Things aren't looking so good for me a second time around. It's not over yet, but I'm feeling pretty down and out.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

My thoughts are with you, OP. Hugs and good wishes.


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## Birth Junky (Jun 14, 2004)

Hang in there, caritasrainbow. Sending you love and light and hope while you are waiting. Holding space for you in my heart.


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## taichimom (Jul 5, 2013)

Hi There!

I am 39 and like you had an unplanned pregnancy - I have two other kids. Took me a while to get over the shock when I got a BFP. I mc/d naturally about a week and a half ago. I am assuming genetic abnormalities, but had no testing or u/s done. I bled more than I ever did postpartum. Scared the crap out of me. I finally finished bleeding today- yay!

Right now I just want my old pre-pg body back. Yes, I would like to lose the 5lbs I gained, but really its more about having my energy back. I often feel weak and tired. I slept for 10 hours last night and could totally take a nap. Some of it is emotional and some of it is due to the blood loss I'm sure.

And speaking of emotional- I just randomly break down and cry these days. It's like now that the physical crisis is over I feel safe enough to handle the emotional. I have been using EFT (tapping) to help process the grief. It still just sucks. Trying not to be too hard on myself.

I am on the fence about trying again and when. I had told DH long ago at age 39 1/4 the "womb was closed", meaning I really didn't want to be pregnant at 40. Just a personal decision- the risks of mc and chromosomal abnormalities just go up to a point I'm not comfortable with. And DH is no spring chicken either!

So my biological clock is done in October. Probably need to get moving if we want to try.

Another strange thing- ten years ago when we decided to start a family- I got pregnant in June and miscarried in August. The same thing just happened. A lot of other things in my life were the same as it was 10 years ago. Eerie coincidences. I was so worried that I was going to m/c from the start with this pg. I just never felt "right" and it wasn't just morning sickness.

On the happy side - I got pg with DD #1 in October of '03 and had her in July of '04. Then got pg in October of '06 and had DD#2 in July of '07. So maybe the "pregnancy gods" only allow me to get pregnant in October. Also, I only get pregnant after my SIL announces that she is pg. Considering I just mc'd I should be hearing about that any day now. Will probably hurt as much as it did last time. I know, totally irrational. But these are the crazy thoughts in my head these days.

So I'm going to try to get my "monkey mind" off of this for a few hours by going on a walk.

(((Hugs)))


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I always said I'd never have kids past 30. But then I had three past 30. I can't imagine dh agreeing to try again after this. I haven't bled at all. The hospital just called and they set up an appt for me tomorrow morning. Not sure what good that will do. Anyway I am in limbo but not really holding out hope. I felt very strongly that this pregnancy was going well. Il update after my appt.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Now just waiting for the hb to stop. So sad.


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## Birth Junky (Jun 14, 2004)

So, so sorry, caritasrainbow.


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## jwaite05 (Feb 16, 2011)

Hi there. Is anyone still following this board? I am awaiting a miscarriage and feeling pretty scared about what is ahead for me. Starting spotting last week. Hcg levels are dropping slowing. First u/s showed gestational sac, small yolk sac, no fetus. At that point my levels were high and doc said we should have seen a fetus and most likely a h/b. I go back to get more bw next Monday. I haven't had any heavy bleeding or cramping yet. If this is going to happen, I wish it would happen quickly and naturally. Any thoughts or stories are welcome. Thank you!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Hello! My first mmc was back in May. After having seen the heartbeat at 7 weeks, at nearly 11 weeks ultrasound showed no heartbeat and no growth past about 7 and a half weeks. I went with the Cytotec and within 20 hours began to miscarry. It was painful, took lots of pain pills, and at one point, there was a HUGE gush of more blood than I could have imagined. I passed the main bulk of the remains four days later and bled for about 6 weeks total I think.

Second mmc was earlier this month. At about 7 weeks fetus was a week behind and heartbeat was way too slow. Two days later heartbeat had not picked up and no growth. I began to bleed lightly about nine days later. The following day there was merely a sac showing up, and it was displaced. Having gone so long waiting on bedrest hoping for a miracle, I once again opted for the Cytotec. Nothing happened. I continued to bleed slightly the first day, somewhat more than spotting, but not like a period. Then the bleeding stopped. I never had any cramps. So three days later we tried another round of Cytotec. Again, nothing happened and at this point there was no bleeding whatsoever. So we had another ultrasound two days later and it showed a perfectly normal unpregnant uterus with a very thin lining. Nothing was inside.

So what I want to say is that there is no telling what to expect. My first mmc was painful and horribly bloody and my second one there was no pain whatsoever and barely any bleeding. The fetus was only a week different between the two pregnancies at the time that it stopped growing.

I am so so so very sorry for your loss. It is an awful horrible thing to have to go through. Please do feel free to post here and ask anything or just rant or cry. It's okay. You are not alone.

My recent update is that after my first mmc all I wanted was to get pregnant again. And I did. And it ended with another mmc. Now I think maybe I am done trying. I have children already and I think it's time to just be happy with what I have. Feels weird.


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

i just want to stop in and say i am so so sorry for the both of you and your losses


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I still check this board every few days.
There's some really great threads and no question too personal!


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## jwaite05 (Feb 16, 2011)

Caritasrainbow, THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing your personal stories with me. It is amazing that both of your m/c's were so different. And thank you for your kind sentiments. I am sorry for your losses, as well. How many children do you have? I have one DS who is 9 yrs old. He's been asking for a sibling for a while now and we've been trying for about 4 months before this bfp and then loss. I will most likely try for a few more months after I recover from this...but really leaving it up to the divine to decide. That is all we can do, right?!? I am not necessarily a religious person but I am very spiritual and belief that this is happening to me for a reason. Just trying to figure out what that reason is...and also trying to turn it over to the universe to sort out all at the same time. Thank you for listening and allowing me to get some of these mixed up feelings out. I hear ya with the bed rest...I did that all weekend and about drove myself crazy...only to find out Monday that my levels had dropped. Now I am back to work and feeling ok physically but have to wait til next week to see what the next step will be. I am a bit worried that I will be out of town when I start to actively loose blood and tissue. Or that my DP will be at work (an RN who works overnights). Other than that, I am bracing myself for the worst and hoping for the best, if there is such a thing in this situation.

unuselyriver and shiloh, thank you both for your kind words as well. It's kind of scary just waiting for whatever will happen to happen.

You are all very kind and I am sending you my gratitude for being so supportive.

I will keep you posted.


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## mareseatoats (Mar 4, 2011)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *unuselyriver* 


> i just want to stop in and say i am so so sorry for the both of you and your losses


Me too


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Well I am the original poster of this thread, so if you've read the whole thread you can see my struggle. The wait is the hardest part. Second time around I was all prepared with boxes and boxes of overnight pads and a full bottle of Percoset, neither of which were necessary. While admittedly I am still having trouble around pregnant women, I am okay with being unpregnant and am now wishing to stay this way. I'm still taking my prenatals, but honestly they just seem to make me healthier. I have a necessary surgery scheduled for next week which, had I still been pregnant, would have had to have been carefully done while trying not to hurt growing baby. I am working on losing the weight I gained and getting happy with my nonpregnant body again. I've bought myself a few new things to replace the maternity clothes I bought but won't be wearing.
If I stop and dwell on it I am very very sad, so I just move forward, never stopping. We moved recently so I have lots to keep me busy.
I struggled so much with to the last loss, waiting and waiting. First for the heart to stop, then for the mc to complete. By the time it was finally over all I could feel was relief.
I am so so very sorry you are having to go through this.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Thewait is horrid. I spent over a week on bedrest only to find out my #s dropped. Then was told my mc could start basically anywhere, anytime...which terrified me. They were wrong I needed drugs and a d&c


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

The wait is pure torture. I spent 12 days hoping and praying that the heartbeat would miraculously start beating faster. It was difficult on my entire family having me OU of commission. When it was finally confirmed that the heart had stopped I took the medicine rather than wait any longer. But nothin happened. I went through another round still nothing. I was so afraid to leave my house in case it happened while I was out. Just a few months prior I'd had such awful pain and what felt like gallons of blood. I did nt want that to happen out in public. However, when I finally learned it had all ended with no pain and no gallons, I could only feel relief. After three weeks of waiting, first hoping and then fearing, I only felt a burden lifted. I guess that's why it took so long. It gave me time to adjust. I feel fine now. Of course I am sad, but I am not the horrifically broken person I was after my first loss.
Peace to all of you very strong mamas.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Horrifically broken.
Amen.


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## jwaite05 (Feb 16, 2011)

Shiloh and caritasrainbow, you are both so right...the waiting is a crazy ride. I am still in that process. Yesterday, my primary care doc and her office called me to schedule another u/s. They were a little out of the loop I guess, so I brought them up to speed and they contacted the OB's office to refer for the 2nd u/s ... OB's office told them I'd had one on Monday (not true). So I cleared that up with them and they are trying to set one up for next Thursday to see what's happening. I have not had more than a spot of two of blood this week. Very minor dull cramping a couple of times. That's it. I don't feel as pregnant as I did up to this point, so I think my hormone levels are dropping. I will find out where they are at on Monday.

I'm trying to stay strong for DP as her birthday is today...we are going out to dinner with our closest friends tonight to celebrate then driving to family for the weekend.

Whew...it's a rollercoaster. Thank you for your stories and support. It helps to know I'm not alone:S


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

The waiting for it to be over is the bigest mindF in the world. To be a little bit pregnant is horrific. When its all over but doesn't end....ahahah
I went into my final app only to be told I had retained products of conception - I cried nonstop until the d&c 5 hours later. Because needed it to be "over" and it wasn't. Although the waiting gave me time to adjust. I think. I still have ptsd


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

yeah they wait is what they said it







and i hate that you are have to wait i am so sorry you are going thru this right now


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

I am terrified I will be here with the kids and hemorrhage. 13 weeks age baby plus a few days, 14 & six today from conception. I live in the country, half an hour for closest friend to get to me & back to nearest hospital if necessary. 45 minutes good weather and no traffic to my midwife. CNM at large hospital known for baby friendliness.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

I am seriously considering demanding it be in my chart that I refuse to go through this again & if this happens ever again, my wish is to call hubby & have him be there for immediate D& C. Scared right now. Would be less so if this were an earlier non missed.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

oh mama! So so sorry you are in the midst of this! My dh travels for work five days min sometimes six, and being new to town I have no friends or family. I so know how you feel. I was so worried about this with my last mc, and then I barely even bled. So strange.
It's an awful cruel joke the waiting. Evil truly. I guess it's supposed to make us stronger? But I dunno. I do find that my worst fears are truly just that and never do come to fruition. Sometimes I am able to find peace when I remember that when I think of the most awful thing, like bleeding to death, I know it's less likely to happen. I realize my reasoning is flawed and truly the worst thing, baby gone, has already happened. Brain works in crazy ways.
Hoping you are feeling better today...


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## jwaite05 (Feb 16, 2011)

Peacefulmama, I am very sorry for your loss and fear during this time. Like the other women are saying, the waiting will drive one crazy. I am right there with you on the waiting part. I am sorry you are so far away from friends and midwife/hospital. I am sending you healing thoughts and hopes that this will be a gentle process for you.

AFM, still waiting myself. My hcg levels are creeping down very slowly. Had an u/s last Friday, and gestational sac is still hanging around. The doc is giving me 2-3 more weeks to do this on its own. I am going to get some acupuncture next week in hopes that it will help move things along naturally. Otherwise, I feel physically fine. Weird how this is all unfolding.

Love to all of you! And thanks for listening.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Keep posting when you need support.
Post to the longer threads we all keep our subscriptions going.


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## jwaite05 (Feb 16, 2011)

I have finally started bleeding, cramping, and passing tissue. Last night and this morning have been a bit painful physically and I must admit, emotionally, as well. My hope is that my body passes everything quickly and naturally. I am leaving town on Friday for a long weekend, and the irony is I cancelled my acupuncture appt for today because nothing was happening and I didn't want to kick start the process with the acupuncture and then be out of town with family when I began to actively m/c. Oh well, life is funny that way. Never truly know what to expect!

I am looking forward to my body regulating again, so that we can try again to conceive. Any personals on how long it took you to regain a regular cycle and ovulate again? I have read that it's important to make sure the hcg levels are gone before O happens. For us, we are using a donor so we have to be able to track cycling and get timing right. I haven't had my levels checked this week..I was supposed to go yesterday but just wasn't feeling like it. And then the bleeding started last night. I may try to go in in the next couple of days, or just wait til I get back from the weekend seeing as I have started this process finally.

Mama, I hope you are doing okay. I am sending you healing thoughts. And to the rest of you as well. I know there is an end to this and many go thru it, but it still seems like a crazy process when you are actually experiencing it.

Take care, all.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Jwaite,
I'm not sure I ovulated that first post mc cycle. So if I had to guess I'd say I ovulated 70 days after.
I'd suggest get your first period. Temp for a cycle, get hcg levels down. Start the 2nd normal cycle ttc. I had a lot of spotting so temping would have been the only way, I also could test positive on a ovulation test for a while but wasn't ov.
Giving yourself a cycle or 2 allows you to plan right (get physicals - often thyroid tanks post partum and you are with a mc that! Hormone drops are the same, get iron checked, take your vitamins), do things you can't do preg - dental work, flu shot/vax(if its occupational), paint, get wasted, smoke a big cuban cigar, play tackle football.


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## jwaite05 (Feb 16, 2011)

Shiloh, Thank you for the laugh! I needed that!! And your suggestions are helpful. Waiting for a cycle or two sounds smart. I think I'll take up a game of tackle football, too. Lol! My son will think I've lost my mind Last time I played soccer with him, I shredded my ankle and hobbled around for 2 months. Hehe.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Losing your mind is important! You need to get some epic times in before facing the anxiety of a rainbow pregnancy! My mc was the darkest place physically, hormonally and emotionally I've ever been, but it was cathartic, I purged, I learned a lot. Embrace the pain, can't go around it go through it. It gives perspective, I lost a pregnancy I don't care if I lose my keys, mind, waistline!
Hugs mama


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

The first thing I did when I had the us showing that my last mc was complete, was go out and get drunk. Seriously. It was lovely. We'd just moved, so I knew no one, went to the local bar with my husband and had way too many beers. Made several new friends, and am so glad I did that. Next, I dyed my hair. Those greys were really weighing me down. I also had a much needed surgery on my eye that would have had to wait if I was still pregnant. I have finally lost count of how far along I'd be at this point. Although I do have complete realization that the first mc baby was due next month, so when I see hugely pregnant people I do think that's how I would have looked now. The second mc baby was due on my youngest son's birthday, so I guess I won't be able to forget that date either.

At any rate, I've lost most of the weight, still have about 5 pounds to go, and am just winding up my first period. It was super duper heavy and clotty, but not crampy. I don't understand the clots, as the last US showed a completely empty uterus, with a very very thin lining.

I am so mixed emotionally right now about what to do next. I have almost decided I don't want to try again. I've almost decided I'm content with my family as it is. I am enjoying not being pregnant. I generally love being pregnant, but maybe I'm just sick of it since so much of this year I've spent pregnant for no real reason. I am happy to drink what I want, glad to be losing the weight, and enjoying my life right now doing things I could not be doing if I were pregnant.

I think I jumped all back into things with two feet to forget, to be busy, and now...

I am uber aware that this decision I make, right now, is pretty much it for me, whatever I choose. I am 42 now. But I guess the other side of it is that I don't want to give up my whole life again for several months, just for another heartwrenching ending. And I no longer trust that that's not what will happen. After the first mc this year, I could consider it a fluke. After the second, I am thinking my eggs are finally just too old. I'm very confused. And in a week and a half it will be time to decide. I am thinking I would like to avoid it this month as I have plans for a trip of debauchery next month. Just a long weekend, but still. That at least gives me another month to consider whether or not to try again. So much of this year was wasted with worrying and crying and hurting and healing. My family was neglected, I was neglected, we moved and our new house was neglected. I'm just not sure if I'm willing to go through all of that again. Especially knowing it may all end up the same way. There is no certainty.

Sorry for the ramble. I think as OP I always feel a need to update in case anyone else wonders what the journey is like for some of us.

And yes, most of us here do keep up with this thread. I very much want to be able to be here for those of you going through this or having just gone through it. It is such an isolating experience.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

I did something I hadn't done since college







after my mc was confirmed.
I also asked for oxy with my misoprostol!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Well I came home from that weekend of debauchery with a faint BFP that faded over the next three days, ultimately ending in a chemical pregnancy 11/06/13.
Next cycle has found me pregnant again. So far my betas are doubling and I have my first ultrasound to test for viability and date 12/23.
Just thought I'd pop in with an update. It would be so lovely to leave this thread with a happy ending!


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Fingers crossed!!!


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

I hope all goes well! <3


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## jwaite05 (Feb 16, 2011)

Sending positive thoughts to you!!!!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Thanks y'all! So far my symptoms remain and I am just waiting for my US to date and check for viability next Monday, 12/23. I will stay in touch of course.
I haven't told anyone yet as I remain so very uncertain about the outcome. Dh did guess, so he knows, but that's it. I never told him about the chemical last month. We don't discuss the fact that I am pregnant nor make any reference to it. We just sort of ignore it and pretend it isn't happening. Kinda sad really. It's all I think about.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Measuring 6w5d 115bpm
Somehow I don't really feel all that much better? No subchorionic hematoma, so that's good. Measuring a day ahead, so that's good too. I think I set myself up by wanting that heart rate to be so much higher. The tech said everything looks great and that it's a good strong heartbeat, right on target for age.
Guess I just expected a huge sigh of relief that I just didn't get. Maybe once it starts kicking. In what, four more months? Ugh!
At any rate I did set up an appt to see the dr Monday, so I guess I'll make another us appt then.
For now I should be content. I did get two pix. The crl pic is pretty blurry. The second one is the heart rate.


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## mari12271987 (Dec 31, 2013)

Hi ladies,
We are currently at a standstill on trying to make a baby after our miscarriage on 12/10 I feel like im doing much better now than I was. Now had it barely made it to the 6 week mark before we miscarried but because we had just had our first appt with the Dr on the previous friday we were so excited and ready go experience our wish we had hoped would come true. We planned on telling our parents for Xmas this year but it unfortunately god had other plans for us. I think about it everyday and still get upset about it but I think once I have a normal cycle we will try again. If there is any advice for someone who is hopeful but still sad let me know. Thank you all!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

::hugs::
All I can say is keep trying. I am OP and pregnant for the fourth time this year. I started this thread during my first mc. It is difficult, as day to day I just don't know what's going on, but there is hope. I'm only 7w 4d today. I have my 2nd viability scan Thursday and am hoping for great news and a boost of confidence.
Hang in there mama!


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## mari12271987 (Dec 31, 2013)

Thank you for all your kind words I'm excited to try again I'm just scared that it may happen again and then to have to go through all of it again would be hard for us but I will keep you in my thoughts that everything goes ok for the 2nd viability scan. You hang in there and keep up posted!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

US this morning showed bean growing right on at 8 weeks with a heart rate of 164 bpm.
Tiny SCH (1cm) tech said not to worry, but possibly expect some bleeding.
I've now surpassed my three losses. The SCH (sub chorionic hematoma) does make me slightly nervous, but bean looks really good and sounded really strong.


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## sahmmie (Jan 13, 2008)

I'm just wondering, what does "missed miscarriage" mean? I read this forum often but I still don't know what that means.

Congratulations on your new pregnancy!! So exciting, but scary too. (I had an 11 week loss, followed by two healthy births). I hope everything goes well and "little bean" continues to grow and develop perfectly.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Missed miscarriage is when bean dies and you don't know it. In May at 11 weeks I found out my pregnancy had ended at just past 7 weeks. My fetus had quit growing, but my body had not expelled. So for a month I went along thinking I was healthy and happily pregnant, but it was over.


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## sahmmie (Jan 13, 2008)

Oh, thanks. I guess that's what happened with mine. I had a positive pregnancy test 2 or 3 days after I missed my period. But then I started spotting and had an ultrasound at 11 weeks. I was told "there was nothing there." I guess the little bean had passed quite some time before. Thanks for explaining this. I've wanted to ask for a long time but this is such a sensitive forum and topic, so I held back.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Yes sometimes the body era sorbs everything. Sometimes it it doesn't. Us humans are strange creatures for sure. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## sahmmie (Jan 13, 2008)

Thanks.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I meant absorbs... For some reason the mothering website does not get along well with my iPad.


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I went in for my Harmony test today and had a mini freak out about paying for an expensive test possibly on a pregnancy that ended and I didn't know it. That's what missed miscarriage has done to my confidence. Anyway, my dr was out doing surgery, so I couldn't see her. So a nurse agreed to check for heart rate with Doppler, but couldn't find it. So they got permission from a dr and agreement from a tech to do another viability scan.
Little bean looked like a real baby! Tiny kicking legs and teensy waving arms. Little stubby toes too! Heart rate 170bpm. SCH was still there and a teensy bit bigger, but tech was unconcerned. I have sort of forgotten about trying not to lift my youngest, run up and down stairs, etc. So back to that.
Anyway, so far so good.


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## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

C-rainbow.
MC leaves scars that never go away.
I'm glad you saw your baby!
Hugs!


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## sahmmie (Jan 13, 2008)

How wonderful!! Congratulations on your teensy tiny little bean!


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## greekmama (Jan 17, 2014)

Sooo relieved to have found this thread. And congratulations on your pregnancy! At 42 and with one 6 y.o. daughter, I am in the waiting period of a missed miscarriage and am seeking stories anywhere I can. Am trying everything... Acupuncture, herbs, cohosh. I am actually sitting here on my couch with acupuncture needles in right now willing my uterus to let go (am a veterinary acupuncturist so I put them in myself). Anyway, I relate to your age-related concerns and am so happy to hear all is going well for you, even at your "advanced maternal age". My midwife scoffs at the term and thinks the number is not terribly relevant. Said she has had patients who were older at age 35 than I am at 42. Not sure if it's true, but a nice thought anyway.

Just feeling so appreciative that everyone is willing to share their experiences, even when the moments feel so dark and endless. Truly, it is a gift.

So... Back I go to my foul-tasting Chinese herbs. Misoprostol awaits me on Monday. I suppose being a vet makes me feel a bit more prepared for the physical part of this but man... It's completely irrelevant when facing the devastation I felt earlier this week. Especially facing my fear that my husband won't try again. It took me four years (including two years of counseling) to convince him to have another child with me. After so much invested and now this. Definitely feels like a cruel karmic joke. And yet I can't go back to those awful years of wanting to become a mother again so badly it felt as if I couldn't breathe.

Don't want to pour out too much of my angst on this thread, especially as you enter a more stable and less fearful stage of your pregnancy. Sending a prayer out that all continues to go well. Thank you again for sharing. Peace and light, Kris


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Oh my gosh! First let tell you how very sorry I am for your loss and for what you are going through right now. Please don't feel like you need to hold back here. This thread is here to offer support to women going through a missed mc the only reason I update with my current success is that after 3 consecutive losses,I hope to give others hope. I just want people to feel like there is a possible light at the end of the tunnel. And honestly, until I am holding my baby inmy arms I will not feel like I am out of the woods.
Hugs mama, hang in there!


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

I had my rainbow at 41 weeks! I am now 43 years old and was pregnant for some part of every month for the last 18 months. 
There is hope. She was my 5th unassisted birth, 6th child, and born after three consecutive losses. In fact, there was no AF between the last loss and this pregnancy. 
Hugs to anyone currently dealing with a mc. This past couple of years was painful, but I am glad to know the light at the end of the tunnel was there. 
Peace. May you all have happy endings.


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## youngsoul (Jan 28, 2008)

caritasrainbow said:


> I had my rainbow at 41 weeks! I am now 43 years old and was pregnant for some part of every month for the last 18 months.
> There is hope. She was my 5th unassisted birth, 6th child, and born after three consecutive losses. In fact, there was no AF between the last loss and this pregnancy.
> Hugs to anyone currently dealing with a mc. This past couple of years was painful, but I am glad to know the light at the end of the tunnel was there.
> Peace. May you all have happy endings.


What an inspiring story!! Hooray for you! Have the loveliest of babymoons with your sweet little girl 

(I'm currently having my first mc at age 39...I'm hoping I can pull off a viable pregnancy after this!)


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## caritasrainbow (Dec 3, 2010)

Hugs mama! So sorry for your loss. There is hope and I will hope for a wonderful outcome for you in the end.


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