# Any moms under unusually high stress while pregnant and how did your baby/toddler's temperment turn out?



## lkmiscnet (Jan 12, 2009)

I'm just curious because there are studies that indicate that babies exposed to extraordinary maternal stress during pregnancy have tendencies to be fussier babies and to not deal well with change due to their exposure to maternal stress hormones. Their nervous systems/hard wiring actually can be permanently altered.

I was under significant stress while pregnant and DS is now 16 mo old and has been a super fussy baby. He cried a lot as an infant and is still easily set off. He is super sensitive and what I would term a "high needs " baby. He doesn't adapt well to new situations and tends to be very timid around people. He has not been an "easy" baby, that's for sure.

There is a good Time magazine cover story this week (great B&W cover photo of a fully pregnant, nude woman 10 days before giving birth) on how the 40 wks in the womb can shape not only your personality but your chances of getting future disease. It also addressed maternal stress and the adverse impact on your child. Very compelling...

So, I'm doing my own unscientific survey out of curiousity to see how many kid's subjected to unusually high stress in utero turn out to be high needs, fussy children.

What's your story?


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Well, I was stressed with my first and suffered a lot of anxiety through most of the pregnancy, and he was very much like your child. His infancy especially was really, really rough. Very HN, had to be carried/held all the time, constant nurser, fearful of others, slow to warm up, etc. But once he hit 2-3 he turned into a dream toddler and actually only had one small tantrum for his entire toddlerhood! My second pregnancy was much, much smoother and he was a really easy baby, like night and day from my first. But he is turning out to be a real textbook terrible-twos toddler in a way my first never was.

I say don't worry, if for no other reason than there's nothing you can do about it. I had terrible guilt/anxiety with my first that my pregnancy anxiety would carry over to him forever, but he's 5 now and a happy, outgoing, well adjusted little boy.


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## marispel (May 27, 2008)

I'm not sure what constitutes "stressful" as I would think it could be different for many people.

I suffered a loss at 20 wks and so when pregnant with DS I was constantly worried. We were also in the process of building a house in another state, trying to sell our house (without a realtor), I'm self-employed and the bread winner, so working and knowing that I'll need to continue working after DS is born with no real maternity time. PLUS we knew that when we moved DH would lose his job...adding more pressure to my job.

We ended up selling our house 4 wks before DS was due, but 2 months until our new house was ready, so we had to move to an apartment for 2 months. PLUS....DS came 3 wks early...yep just 4 days before we had to move. So, we had DS and 2 days later moved 1/2 our stuff in storage and 1/2 our stuff in an apt. Since I was the "organizer" of all this - DH had to take over my role and he is not good at taking the lead.

Then we lived in an apt away from our friends. I took 2 wks off of work and then started working again, PLUS all the finishing details of our new house and yet another BIG move to another state all the while taking care of a newborn with my ZERO experience.

So...was it stressful? YEP. DS is an extremely good little boy. He was easy going. STTN at 3 months and very smart. He is 2 yrs old now and I would say a typical 2 yr old with tantrums and picky eater, but otherwise a good little boy.


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## physmom (Jun 15, 2009)

I supposed I had a fairly stressful pregnancy. At the point where I got pregnant DH and I were living in 2 different countries. Thus, we had an international move, I had to finish up the majority of work on my Ph.D, and we had some complications towards the end where we thought she might come early (of course, she ended up coming a few days late instead!). All that being said, I'm a pretty laid back person in general who's not prone to stressing out (DH is but he wasn't the one carrying DD







).

DD is well... DD. She is a pretty high needs/spirited little girl. Doesn't sleep, is VERY independent, and has to have things her own way. But I chock a lot of that up to personality. She certainly comes by the lack of sleep honestly (I never slept as a child and still suffer from insomnia today but it's gotten a lot better thanks to being sleep deprived!). I also was a pretty self-sufficient demanding kid. Probably not to the extend of DD but I was also raised in environment with lots of aunts and uncles and grandparents around from birth whereas DD just has DH and myself. I think my parents didn't see the demanding as much until I got older and they moved away simply because of the fact that I had all that extra stimulus around me. DD also seems to be much better in situations when we're visiting relatives and has tons of people to dote on her.

The older DD gets, the better things get. She was never happy as a baby but every milestone she hit made her happier. I think walking helped a lot and now that she's talking so much more it's also been a big help. Sign language was probably one of the only things that saved my sanity for awhile!

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that while I did have a lot of stressful things that happened when I was pregnant, I don't think that's why DD is a high needs child. Her personality fits her and makes sense looking at other family members.

I'm not sure how much your son is talking at this point but if it's not a lot I highly recommend baby signing for the inbetween talking phases. DD's always had very specific opinions and once she had her needs met she became a much happier child.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

Interesting. I had a very stressful first half of my pregnancy. My old job was very high pressured and I was expected to do the work of three people all while my phone never stopped ringing from clients who needed even more. At the end of every day I had more work than at the beginning. I was slowly drowning.

I believe this to be the initial cause of my PIH, and after I had a little breakdown in my doctor's office she pulled me out of work at 23 weeks. Fortunately my stressful job came with a pretty decent short term disability plan, so I went on that and saved my mat leave for after DD was born. I spent the next 15 weeks relaxing at home and had way less stress.

As a baby, DD was very relaxed for the most part. As long as you held her upright so she could see what was going on, she was very happy. She did NOT tolerate being left on a blanket on the floor until she could sit up (we spent a lot of money on a baby gym that she hated). She also loved her little bouncy chair.

We were also very comfortable and relaxed as parents, and I think that makes a difference as well. Those 15 weeks off of work were spent doing a lot of reading, reserch and decision making so I didn't really have any "I don't know what I am doing" new-mom freak outs. I think being so relaxed in the early days also had as much effect on her personality as anything else.


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## tylerdylan (Aug 29, 2007)

I was under a lot of stress when pregnant with DS2. DS1 was severe failure to thrive and no one could figure out why. We couldn't get him to eat, so every meal was very stressful. We were very worried about him. My marriage was falling apart because of the constant stress. DS1 was eventually diagnosed with a slow growing brain tumour when DS2 was 13 months old. Thankfully DS2 was a very easy baby. Very independent and content on his own. He didn't become tough till 13 months old when I had to leave him for 9 days to be with DS1 in the hospital after his big brain surgery. DS2 never forgave me for that and has been fairly clingy since.


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## April Dawn (Oct 31, 2009)

I think some of it is fetal environment, but it also may just be hereditary personality. DS is very intense and was a fussy baby who is now a very temperamental toddler. I was pretty stressed out when I was pregnant (we had some financial setbacks). But, I don't really know that my stress caused his intense personality. I mean, I get stressed pretty easily myself, so it seems just as likely to me that he simply inherited my personality type. I guess it's one more nature vs nurture question in my case!


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

The last trimester of my pregnancy was crazy stressful (thanks to gestational diabetes we couldn't control & an unexpected last minute move & living in another country) but ds was an easy baby.


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

I had a stressful pregnancy and labor and fussy/HN baby. I've seen thread like this where it seems split down the middle, so I wouldn't blame yourself too much.

On the upside, everyday seems to be a bit easier than the last. My friends with calm babies are always complaining about tantrums, but it just seems like another day to me.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

the second trimester of my pregnancy with my second child was extremely stressful... He's a very tempermental toddler... and I've been looking into food issues, but now I wonder about this. hm...


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## tzs (Aug 4, 2009)

i was worried about this while preggos with dd.
i have an anxiety disorder related to agoraphobia and get pretty much daily oir several times a day mini-panic attacks. i had wanted to do some exposure therapy but the doctor recommended against extra stress and suggested waiting. on top of that my blood pressure was constantly high.

that said...dd was a very "easy" baby (she fought sleep but so did i as a babe and was generally not-fussy) and is such a friendly, outgoing, go-with-the-flow 12 month-old.
people even remark how nice and smiley she always is....unlike her parents.


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## pranava (Aug 11, 2007)

I had a horribly stressful time during pregnancy from the beginning to the end. DP left me for another woman when I was 10 weeks along. I spent the first half of the pregnancy contemplating abortion and the second half thinking about adoption. DP informed me she would take no responsibility for the child, so because we are both women and I had no legal right to child support I had to panic about how to do this completely on my own(family is far away). Not to mention the emotional stress of losing my partner of 10 years. Then, I lost my job. Lost a lot of weight, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, cried, and screamed a lot.

DS is the happiest most joyful soul I have ever met. He is, however, very mama attached and didn't sleep through the night until a year. He likes to cuddle and be held, so maybe some would say he is emotionally needy, but he is so so happy. I was very worried my depression would carry over, but honestly, I think he just has some awesome happy genes. I feel grateful!


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## PennyRoo (Dec 7, 2004)

Horribly stressful pregnancy - on bedrest from week 13 on, after a uterine rupture resulting from a car accident. Received a horrible concussion and a sprained neck - had debilitating headaches for 4 months and was limited in what I could take. Depression from post concussion syndrome and from the situation itself. Had to go to physical therapy for 6 months for the pain in my neck and head. Continued to work, while on bed rest. Gained 60 blubbery pounds from the depression and inactivity. Was sued by a vindictive and mentally ill ex-employee for racial discrimination during this time. (Most professionally and personally painful experience of my life to date. ) Had to testify at the criminal trial of the bozo who hit me during the car accident, despite the strictures on activity. Developed pre-eclampsia at the end of this difficult pregnancy and was hospitalized and then induced. Just writing about this time is hard.

My beloved baby = super intense! Colic from 6 weeks until 4 months that led me to understand why people shake babies. Then just miserably fussy until 9 months old. Then just super intense. She just exited a stage where she was having 2 - 3 20 to 30 minute tantrums per day. Now, at 2.2 she is either utterly joyful or furious and remains very intense.

I have an older daughter who is pretty mellow and had a very uneventful pregnancy with her.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

My very stressful/emotional pregnancy has resulted in a very happy baby (now 7 months.) My other two pregnancies were a very happy time and they were both higher needs, dd has a baby, ds as a toddler.


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## ellemenope (Jul 11, 2009)

OP. this is very interesting. I am enjoying the antecdotes.

A summary of finding from a 2009 nueroscience journal:

Quote:



During stress there is activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, culminating in the production of glucocorticoids. Glucocorticoids can easily access the brain, where they bind to receptors and influence the brain and behaviour.
Different outcomes result from exposure to stress at different periods of an individual's life.

*Exposure to stress in the prenatal period leads to programming effects, as evidenced by increased reactivity to stress later in life and reduced hippocampal volume in adulthood.*
*Exposure to prenatal stress has been associated with learning impairments, enhanced sensitivity to drugs of abuse, and increases in anxiety and depression-related behaviours in adulthood.*
Maternal separation is a potent stressor in the postnatal period, and it leads to increased secretion of glucocorticoids that can extend into adulthood. By contrast, exposure to severe abuse during infancy is associated with lower levels of glucocorticoids in both primates and humans.
Stress during adolescence has more important effects on the HPA axis than a similar stress exposure during adulthood. Moreover, the effects of stress during adolescence can incubate until adulthood, at which time they will become apparent.
The effects of stress exposure on the brain and behaviour in adulthood are similar to those that are observed in childhood and adolescence. However, unlike these latter effects, the former effects are reversible; that is, they usually disappear after cessation of the stressor.
In adulthood, chronic exposure to high levels of glucocorticoids has been associated with depressive disorder. By contrast, patients with post-traumatic stress disorder present lower levels of glucocorticoids.
The effects of stress during aging are associated with both memory impairments and reduced hippocampal volumes.
The life cycle model of stress explains why different disorders emerge in populations exposed to stress at different stages of their lives.

The full article can be found here.

But, is there such a thing as a stress-free pregnancy? I would say that my pregnancy was filled with normal amounts of stress. I was a full time student finishing up some pretty intensive studies and a homemaker dealing with possibly the worst MS anyone has ever had that lasted until she left my body. But, I will also say that I believe I managed the stress extremely well, and I think that makes a big difference.

DD, is a pretty typical 2YO. She does not throw tantrums, but deals with her fair share of frustration. She was a terror as an infant, but also suffered from reflux.


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## honeybunmom (Jan 11, 2007)

I was stressed and depressed. At times, I cried almost daily. We were/are rehabbing a place. The costs are still mounting. We were trying to move into the place. I'm the primary breadwinner, so, I was/am WOH. My (now I know he has) ADD husband is managing the rehab while being a SAHD. It was not going well. We're in year 6 of this.

I felt terrible about the sadness I felt and the tears I shed for myself and our situation while pregnant with him. I just knew this was not good for him. But, in hindsight, at least crying allowing me to "get it out" and not keep it in where he would have been impacted by it even more. Also, I had weekly accupuncture and chiropractic session to help things. And saw a therapist to give me an outlet.

Our son is pretty laid back. He's such a sweet boy! His sister is much more high needs. He turned 18 mos yesterday. He's typical for that stage, I think. Getting a bit more clingy and responding "no" to everything from "time to change your diaper" to "do you want waffles?"

Fortunately, I don't believe he was as negatively impacted as I'd feared. Post-natally, I did ingest his placenta, as well. I had it encapsulated. Who knows to what degree this helped.


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## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

So interesting ... I've often wondered about this for a few reasons.

1. My mom is adopted, and has struggled with depression her whole life, and I've often wondered if it has something to do with her birth-mom's mental state while pregnant.

2. I see many women in my job as a paramedic who are in the midst of stressful pregnancies, and I wonder how the stress will affect their babies.

3. As a paramedic, I spent the first half of my pregnancy responding as usual to calls. This means obvious stress-hormones flooding my system on a regular basis while dealing with difficult calls. While in my first and second trimesters, I dealt with a SIDS death, a late-term stillbirth, three suicides, a car accident that claimed a whole family, as well as many other very stressful calls. I took Rescue Remedy a lot, and tried very hard to steady my breathing and slow down my heart rate while on these calls, because I did worry about the stress affecting my baby.

I even drove Code 3 (lights and sirens) with a pillow strapped across my belly, hoping to muffle the sound of the sirens for my babe!

How is DD now? Not high needs at all, and never was. She's a happy, pleasant, easy to please, mellow little girl. Rarely fussed or cried as an infant. On the other hand, she is anxious, and painfully shy, and very attached. Who knows if the correlation is true? So interesting though.


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## foodymama (Feb 5, 2009)

This is a very interesting thread! While I was pregnant my sister had an emergency c-section and had my nephew five weeks early. She is normally very healthy and it did not go well. After she was in recovery she wasn't feeling well and she stopped breathing, they called a code blue and you would have thought my heart stopped beating as well that's how upset I was. Everything worked out in the end with my sister and my nephew but it was a definite stress. Then two months later my grandfather had a stroke and I sat by his bed everyday. It was a long struggle and he passed away last year. But I was the oldest grandchild and very close to my grandfather and my grandmother, mother and aunt were making decisions that I wouldn't have made. Including going on a weekend trip when he was taken from the nursing home to the hospital because of an intestinal blockage. The nurses sat me down and told me that I had better convince my family to come home because he wasn't going to make it. They didn't come home early but thankfully my grandfather hung on until Monday. Another definite stress. All through this my health was not good. I had severe sinus infections, non-stop constant body wracking coughing where I had to go to the emergency room twice (After having DD we discovered it was from many severe food and environmental allergies). Once because I just couldn't stop coughing and I was exhausted and worried about my oxygen levels and another time because I had been coughing so hard that I popped the cartlidge between my ribs (extremely painful!). I also suffer from rheumatoid arthritis so there are things that normally go along with that that make me less than healthy. I was a week overdue so my Dr. wanted me induced because of high blood pressure and protein in my urine. That didn't go well either. I just wouldn't dialate. After 28 hours DD's heart stopped beating and they told me she was in stress so I had a c-section. I was very scared because of what my sister went through. But she and I came out of it very healthy.

However, DD is very high needs and now "spirited", always wanted to bf and be held, cried a lot and didn't sleep much. She loves other children but doesn't do well around unknown adults. She gets overstimulated very easily and is hard to calm down. I also often wondered if it was from a stressful pregnancy. We had her to our chiropractor and he told us that babies that are not born naturally and do not have the squeezing associated with contractions on their skulls tend to have stimulation problems. That solved that problem but I do believe that some of the other "issues" do stem from Mama stress during pregnancy.


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## shnitzel (Jan 6, 2010)

I thought my pregnancy was stressful until I read some other posts!
We moved 3 days before I got a positive pregnancy test, the day before the holidays and started a new job at the same time. We dealt with immigration issues so were unable to get paid which led to serious financial issues. I had no health insurance for the first 4 months so I didn't see a doctor. DH didn't cope well with the pregnancy and dreaded telling anyone about it and wouldn't talk about it and expected me to function normally no matter how sick I felt. I was in school full time with an almost 2 hour subway/bus commute. We had a rat in our apartment. Nothing traumatic, but DH and I seem to live in a state of constant uncertainty.

DD is the most easygoing happy infant and toddler I have ever seen. She rarely cries and smiles and waves at everyone. She slept decently well as an infant and gets excited to go to sleep as a toddler. She's just pleasant to be around and loves people.


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## mambera (Sep 29, 2009)

I don't think the anecdotes give much information beyond what we already know. Yes, maternal stress can contribute to increased anxiety in the offspring later in life. Yes, there are many other, probably more important factors involved (genetics, parenting approach, random life experiences) in determining temperament.

That said, I'll participate. I guess I would consider my pregnancy stressful. It was unplanned, we weren't married. I spent the first trimester trying to figure out whether I wanted a wedding or an abortion. Then we had a medical scare from an overblown finding on the 20-wk ultrasound, and I spent the second half of the pregnancy getting biweekly ultrasounds, listening to scary stories from the imaging OB, and fighting off unnecessary procedures. Also work was quite busy and I had overnight call about every other week.

It all turned out great. Our marriage is awesome and our kid is as healthy as can be. I wouldn't call her "high needs" but she is somewhat high-intensity. She is a great sleeper, doesn't cry for no reason but when she wants something she better get it or else there will be screaming. I don't think she's anxious particularly (she loves to explore, stick fingers in random animals' mouths, etc.) but stranger anxiety specifically was definitely early, intense, and shows no sign of ending.

Would she have had less stranger anxiety if I hadn't been stressed during the pregnancy? Maybe a modicum. Is there any point in worrying about that? Nah. IMO.


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## carmel23 (Jul 21, 2006)

I look at it a little differently. There is a huge genetic component to anxiety, and anxiety disorders. Anxiety is very prevalent, something like 1 in 10 children experiences anxiety that could be treated (the child could benefit from treatment). Are people with anxiety disorders more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol? Probably, if they self medicate/self treat. Sure.

So it isn't that maternal stress is causing the baby to experience stress, but rather a genetic factor. Anxious parents may also create an environment that leads to anxious behaviors in their children.

I had a very stressful job through my first two pregnancies. My oldest wasn't a fussy baby, but is and always has been very, very intense. Same job, same stress, second child was not fussy, has an intensity to his personality, but nothing like his big brother--he is more easy going.

I was in grad school for my next pregnancy (which was stressful, but not as bad as the job), and my daughter is a firecracker, had food allergies that created some colicy behavior, but once we eliminated those foods she was a great, happy, mellow baby.








:

I think I just stress my kids out, like my mother stressed me out







:


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## boobs4milk (Jun 25, 2006)

my last 2 pregnancies were very stressful. i had 15 wks bedrest for both and the last i spent almost 6 wks in the hospital. i had to take lots of meds to keep pg and had a very medically intese pregnancy. both dd3 and dd4 are very, very high needs/intense/challenging. i haven't slept more than an hour at a time in over a year! dd3 just started sttn some and she's almost 5.


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## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

I've always believed that the stress I was under could have effected DS. I had an anxiety disorder, a stressful job and was in intense pain the entire pregnancy. He nursed constantly, screamed if he was out of your arms. He is 8.5 now and still very high needs, emotionally intense, strong willed.

With DD I was super calm, she's a calm joyful child. Totally different.


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## 4myfinn (Dec 29, 2009)

I was extremely stressed and anxious through my whole pregnancy. I conceived through IVF after years and years of trying, so I worried constantly while pregnant. I was too anxious to even keep a journal while pregnant, because I thought it would in some way jinx the pregnancy. My mom died when I was 11.5 weeks along, so that added a whole different emotional element to my worries. Still, though, I enjoyed being pregnant.

My DS (12.5 mo) is very high needs and fussy and has been from Day 1. I hope things mellow out soon.


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lkmiscnet* 
There is a good Time magazine cover story this week (great B&W cover photo of a fully pregnant, nude woman 10 days before giving birth) on how the 40 wks in the womb can shape not only your personality but your chances of getting future disease. It also addressed maternal stress and the adverse impact on your child. Very compelling...

Can I just say that when I saw the cover of Time this week, it stressed me out? It's bad enough to be stressed. It sucks to then be stressed ABOUT being stressed.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lkmiscnet* 
I'm just curious because there are studies that indicate that babies exposed to extraordinary maternal stress during pregnancy have tendencies to be fussier babies and to not deal well with change due to their exposure to maternal stress hormones. Their nervous systems/hard wiring actually can be permanently altered.

I was under significant stress while pregnant and DS is now 16 mo old and has been a super fussy baby. He cried a lot as an infant and is still easily set off. He is super sensitive and what I would term a "high needs " baby. He doesn't adapt well to new situations and tends to be very timid around people. He has not been an "easy" baby, that's for sure.

There is a good Time magazine cover story this week (great B&W cover photo of a fully pregnant, nude woman 10 days before giving birth) on how the 40 wks in the womb can shape not only your personality but your chances of getting future disease. It also addressed maternal stress and the adverse impact on your child. Very compelling...

So, I'm doing my own unscientific survey out of curiousity to see how many kid's subjected to unusually high stress in utero turn out to be high needs, fussy children.

What's your story?

My story is that my first baby died 4 days after birth due to a cord accident.

My husband took a job that required him to be in another city 5 hours away. I prepped our house for sale and put it on the market pretty much on my own, while working. Sold the house in Nov, got pregnant somewhere in there. Packed up and moved in an ice storm Dec 23. Had the worst, saddest Xmas ever.

I spent the pregnancy terrified, travelling from Ottawa to Toronto to work, sick, alone, and miserable. I didn't gain much weight. My DH and I had some arguments. We were both stressed out that and grieving. We bought a house, had closing issues, moved in. My work went through a management change in my third trimester and I had to work like a crazy person.

Finally I gave birth 5 weeks early - to the calmest sweetest little guy. He's sensitive but not fussy, didn't have colic, wasn't a great sleeper but wasn't a crier. He's a little anxious in that he plans things but not overly so - he's pretty secure.

So...yeah. I take it with a grain of salt.


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## j_p_i (Sep 9, 2008)

This is an interesting post. I was under significant and long-lasting stress while pregnant (long story... the short version is I was in the military deployed w/ my husband, got pregnant, came back, got in trouble, fought getting in trouble and had to go through months and months of waiting for them to clear me of that and to get out of the military. Blah).

DD (16 months) can be quite demanding and always has been, requires a lot of attention and is very determined. She slept on me 100% of the time as an infant, I couldn't put her down. I don't really consider her high-needs, although based on some things I've read I do think she could be included in that category. I think the biggest link I've made between my stress and possibly hers is that she seems to become quite anxious at times (around people she doesn't know, etc) and can be difficult to calm. DH has made the connection between my stress level and DD's neediness/energy level (for lack of a better term), though at the same time she is very sweet, super intelligent, and I do think all of her attributes that have been tough and exhausting as a baby/toddler will be great attributes as an adult


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## donutmolly (Jun 9, 2005)

This is such an interesting thread. I was so worried about creating a high needs/stressed baby because I was so stressed during my pregnancy with my 3rd baby. It was literally the worst time in my life: my husband, a pastor, had a false allegation made against him which was potentially career/life destroying. The people investigating him had already decided he was guilty before we even heard about the allegations. My husband was so stressed, he ended up hospitalized during an otherwise normal bout with the stomach flu. I could barely keep myself together and ate mostly fruit loops for months. And in the end, the baby wasn't born until 42 weeks (after I had both my older DD's within days of their EDD.)

And the result: DD3 is the most relaxed, easy-going of my 3 daughters.

DD1 was my very high needs baby; she definitely takes after Dh in her personality, and had my sister's milk allergy, which made for a hellish first year... but now, at 5 yo, she is wonderful, if high energy. My pregnancy with DD1 was not stress-free, but certainly nothing compared to my pregnancy with DD3.


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## lkmiscnet (Jan 12, 2009)

I'm the OP.

Wow! Such incredible, amazing stories. I feel like my situation pales in comparison to the stories of all of you resilient super women.

I was put on bedrest at the beginning of month 5 due to poor umbilical artery flow and had to get weekly ultrasounds and twice a week fetal monitoring. I was able to work from home however on my laptop, which was pretty low stress.

However, my DH was working in another state and only flew in monthly for 4-5 days, so that made the bedrest difficult. I had no choice but to go to the grocery store to buy food while on bedrest and to make my own meals.

The event that tipped me over emotionally was having my job eliminated, while on bedrest and working from home (done over the phone), which ended my 12 year career with an organization. That was a huge blow to my ego and I cried daily for 6 weeks and had nightmares. At the last u/s, I was then told that my DS was not growing and they wanted to induce me that day. I insisted that they wait for DH to fly home and bought my DS another 4 days, which in the end, turned out to be every bit of what he needed. He was born just after 35 wks. Turns out, he should not have been induced and was just a small baby. Nonetheless, he needed to spend 3 weeks in the NICU.

In any event, I felt that the 6 weeks of daily crying and lack of sleep and not eating well had to have some detrimental affect on our DS while in the second trimester, which I have also read is a critical trimester. He was basically taking a bath in cortisol and other maternal stress hormones. I found it interesting (and sad) to find out about the impact of maternal stress and how that may have impacted DS for the rest of his life.

The genetic component is that I am a high stress personality myself and so that has likely resulted in a double whammy for our DS.

I know there was nothing I could have done differently to control my emotions while I went through my situation (I'm human), but I do have some negative feelings toward the organization/individuals responsible for terminating me and how that could have adversely impacted my innocent little DS, in theory, for life. It was such a callous act to do to me while I was on bedrest with a high risk pregnancy. How inhumane...And the kicker is that I could have gone on short term disability, but I didn't want to leave my company high and dry, so I opted to try working from home, and got screwed by them in the end. Ironic. I think that's the part of it that really gets me.

Well, all's well that ends well. I've been able to stay home with our DS, so that was the silver lining in all of it. I just hope to be able to continue learning how to cope with our DS' sensitive and intense personality and to help him thrive. We've had ongoing challenges since he was born. Let the nurturing continue!

Thank you for sharing your incredible stories. Some made my jaw drop. You are all simply amazing!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

My FT job was very stressful for me when I was pg w/DD. I was often overwhelmed and was put on mat leave early b/c of possible PTL. DD was a very fussy baby, a horrible sleeper, and even now at 2 is a spirited little thing. I think there's a lot to say for the connection.

I'm looking fwd to cooking my next baby, when we do conceive, b/c I have a different job now working in a nice relaxing day spa, and I stay home during the week! Hopefully baby #2 is more mellow!


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## Halfasianmomma (Nov 1, 2007)

Reading the responses to this thread has been very interesting considering my personal experience.

My pregnancy was somewhat unplanned, and throughout, I lived in a constant state of stress. I was married to an abusive alcoholic who lost his job when I was a few months preggo. I found myself working FT supporting myself, him and his son. We were out of money all the time (he drank it down), he drank away out rent, I was receiving milk and grocery coupons from my social worker, while searching for a job for then-H, while trying to keep it together emotionally. I was constantly at the hospital for "no fetal movement" that just turned out to be a VERY chill baby. In fact, she was so chill that she had to be coaxed out at 42 weeks.

After birth, DD didn't cry. At all. The first time she cried, she was 2 months old and it scared the crap out of me. After that, she was just always such a happy baby. Once we got the hang of nursing, she ate like a champ, got fat, slept moderately well, almost never fussed...I kept wondering what I'd done to deserve such an easy-going baby, when my good friends were all going NUTS with their HN babies.

As a toddler, DD certainly is a challenge. She's confrontational and tantrums and is exhausting...but I think that's just the usual toddler stuff. Overall, I shouldn't complain: she eats A LOT, sleep steadily from 8 to 6 every night, and has an awesome sense of humour.

Sooooo, either the kind of stress I dealt with wasn't "enough" to change DD, or either the hypothesis is bunk


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## Belia (Dec 22, 2007)

Haven't read the responses and I know this thread is a little old, but.....

I had a pretty stressful pregnancy. I struggle with depression and anxiety anyway, and have been on meds and in therapy for years. I started throwing up with "morning" sickness at 6 weeks exactly... and pretty much never stopped. I was dx with hyperemesis and ended up losing 35 lbs by the end of the pregnancy. I had to take FMLA from work.

I also developed a severe blood clot in my leg and had to give myself daily injections of blood thinners. Did I mention that I have a phobia of needles? Yeahhhhh....

Between those 2 things I seriously contemplated terminating the pregnancy.

The WONDERFUL midwife practice I was going to was bought out in a hostile takeover when I was 32 weeks, so I had to scramble to find a new caregiver.

I went into PTL at about that same time (gee, wonder why) and had to go o modified bed rest.

Finally, my water broke when I was 35 weeks, no labor started, and I had to be induced. I had only had 1 or 2 appointments at my new practice, and I hadn't even taken the tour at my new hospital yet. It was unbelievable.

And......

DS is the sweetest, calmest, most laid back little guy I have ever met.







I mean, don't get me wrong, he's TWO, tears are a daily occurrence in my house. But when he was born he came out so mellow! In the pictures of him and my mom 45 minutes after he was born his eyes are wide open and he has a little smile and he looks 3 months old. He nursed like a champ, even though he spent 5 days in the NICU due to a small lung problem and jaundice. Sleep has been mostly fine as well.

Between my depression and anxiety, DH's ADHD, and my awful pregnancy, I was quite afraid of how DS would turn out. But he has been a dream. I've said since he was about 2 months that I would have a baby tomorrow if I didn't have to be pregnant to do it.

GL!


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## cann5 (Sep 14, 2016)

*Finally Found something legitimate e-book for stress relieving*

I m 30 yrs old mom with 2 kids. I was into very stress before conceiving my 2nd child. though my husband is very supportive still i find myself very anxious and into stress.

Then my councilor suggested me to do prayanam yoga. It is very easy to do. 20 mins in the morning can help you very much

Finally this thing helped me a lot to defeat stress and anxiety.

I hope this can help you much.


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