# How would you deal with neighbour kids always in your yard?



## brennan (Feb 1, 2009)

We just moved to a very small town and we love it! We live in a town house that backs onto an acreage that is shared but we have a small yard that is our own, and has the only trees in it, but it is only fenced on 2 sides and only 6 feet out, and the rest is open to all the other town houses. We have a 17 month old dd, who loves to play outside so this seemed like the perfect solution! However, there are 2 sets of kids on either side of us, one family has 4 kids and the other 3 and they are constantly playing together, and always playing in our yard (as it is between the 2 homes). This town house has either been empty or with people without kids for a long time so this was never an issue, but I want my daughter to be able to go out and play. The other kids are much older 5-13 years, and like to dig up our trees (our precious trees!) and have made it very clear that my daughter is not allowed to play with them or in their yard, and yet they are constantly in my yard. We do have the option of putting up a fence that runs the whole property line, but I would kind of feel like a jerk if I did that.

The kids are also coming up to our sliding door and looking at our wii or toys or last night when we were watching a movie after dd went to sleep they came and stood at our door and watched it, which made me feel super uncomfortable! They are homeschooled so they are always around so we dont' really have any time when they're not playing (being that it is beautiful weather).

Any advice? The parents told them to stop coming to our back window, but they keep doing it, and I want to do stuff like hang a laundry line (like other town houses have done in this complex) but I think that they are just going to be touching my clothes and running in between them.

Thanks!


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

I think you need to talk to the parents and set some boundaries like no digging in the plants/trees, no looking in the windows (I would hang curtains) and be firm. Did you tell the children to go home and stop looking in the window when you were watching your movie? I would have. Unless you put up a fence, it is probably unreasonable to think the kids will never play in your yard. Not to mention, soon enough your dd will be older and wander into the yards of your neighbors so you really don't want to be rude. With that said, you have every right to expect your property to be respected.


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## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

I think you should go ahead and put up a fence. Also, be very direct with the kids about boundaries. Don't try to be nice or in any way passive or wishy-washy. Be direct, even rude, to get your point across. Show each and every one of them where your yard is, and tell them that they are not allowed within that area. At all. Ever. Unless specifically invited by you or your SO. Be very, very firm about it and, if they give you attitude or are purposely crossing into your yard to mess with your stuff, escort them to their homes and tell their parents each and every time.

If my kids were messing with your yard, I'd want to be told every time, and I'd want for you to be direct with them about the rules.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Fence. Fences make great neighbors. You'll be much better at tolerating these "free range" children if you can set some clear boundaries.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Definitely the fence. You could blame it on your own kid ("I just want to make sure DD doesn't run off") if the issue comes up & you don't want to look like a jerk


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Oh I'd absolutely get a fence.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I agree, fence if possible. If it's not possible, I would have another discussion iwth the families and then start addresing the kids themselves. Ask them to leave your yard everytime they come and play there. Remind them that you don't want them playing in your section of the yard and that your window's are absolutly off limits.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

I would get a fence too! It doesn't have to be a fortress of a fence, just a little 3 ft. one that would clearly mark your boundaries and you can always say it's so your DD can play out there!

The kids may be harmless but I wouldn't want them digging up my trees or anything else I might plant, and you should feel free to hang a clothes line safely in your own yard.

It's kind of creepy that they were just staring in at night, even if they were watching a movie over your shoulder.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I would put up a fence -- it could easily be explained away that it's a safety concern for your own DD, rather than trying to keep other kids out.

Do you think the kids just don't really know where their yard stops and yours starts? Maybe even those little edgers that people put around their lawns would help define the boundaries if you'd rather go that route.

As for staring in the windows, I'd put up curtains and also tell the kids to go home and stop looking in your home whenever I saw them doing it -- that's unacceptable and needs to be nipped in the bud.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

A fence is nice. I'd especially want one to keep someone from looking in my back door and to keep me from seeing every bit of activity going on outside. It also helps when your child is older and will have some toys that need to be left outside. Those tend to wander off.


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## Chloe'sMama (Oct 14, 2008)

I would complete the fence if it was me. I don't think it sends any signal other than you want a fenced yard. I would want one anyways to keep my dd close (she is 22 months and a RUNNER!) I love having my backyard completely fenced so we can be outside together and I can give her a little independence.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

Another one here who says you should get a fence, lo's are pretty quick on their feet so you'd need it anyway. Although not sure if it would keep kids out of your garden cos we have a fence and most of the neighbourhood kids play in our garden, but our fence isn't high and we also have a gate at the front.


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## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

FENCE!

And these people are not owed any explaination. It's your property. You can do as you wish.

I would also speak to them again.

(We went through this a few years ago with the neighbor's teenagers swimming in our pool. It finally ended when my 9 month pregnant rage kicked them out one afternoon and I followed up with a phone call to the parents)


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

when we were watching a movie after dd went to sleep they came and stood at our door and watched it,
I would have called their parents and let them know. Do you have their phone number?


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lotusdebi* 
I think you should go ahead and put up a fence. Also, be very direct with the kids about boundaries. Don't try to be nice or in any way passive or wishy-washy. Be direct, even rude, to get your point across. Show each and every one of them where your yard is, and tell them that they are not allowed within that area. At all. Ever. Unless specifically invited by you or your SO. Be very, very firm about it and, if they give you attitude or are purposely crossing into your yard to mess with your stuff, escort them to their homes and tell their parents each and every time.

*If my kids were messing with your yard, I'd want to be told every time, and I'd want for you to be direct with them about the rules.*

Op - what you described would be a nightmare, at least to me.

I can't imagine ever letting my DS play in someone else's yard uninvited. And looking in windows at night?!?! Where are their parents?


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## brennan (Feb 1, 2009)

Oh I`m so glad so many of you say put up a fence, that`s what I really wanted to do, but its like taking away something from them that they are used to have, but we`re looking into it now. It`ll probably just be chicken wire or something lame like that for a while until we can get a real fence worked out.

You know I never thought to call their parents about the movie thing. I thought it was totally creepy (especially since I was in a skirt and not really trying to be modest if you know what I mean), but once they realized we saw them they ran away. As for where their parents are, you have to understand that this is a TEENY TINY town, where 3 year olds roam all alone to the park, so there`s not a lot of supervision, but I think that I will go and talk to the parents this afternoon


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Fence! These kids are not "harmless" if they are digging up your trees! I'd talk to the parents, too. Emphasize that you realize the house was empty for awhile and they considered the yard fair game, but a new sheriff's in town (well, not quite those words...). Seriously, they need to understand respect for other people's property.

And like lotusdebi said, be very direct.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lotusdebi* 
I think you should go ahead and put up a fence. Also, be very direct with the kids about boundaries. Don't try to be nice or in any way passive or wishy-washy. Be direct, even rude, to get your point across. Show each and every one of them where your yard is, and tell them that they are not allowed within that area. At all. Ever. Unless specifically invited by you or your SO. Be very, very firm about it and, if they give you attitude or are purposely crossing into your yard to mess with your stuff, escort them to their homes and tell their parents each and every time.

If my kids were messing with your yard, I'd want to be told every time, and I'd want for you to be direct with them about the rules.

I agree with lotusdebi.

Kids don't get "tact" they think that means you don't really mean what you're saying. You have to be extremely direct to the point of rudeness.

I think that if you do not nip this in the bud now while you are still "new" then it will become a huge issue that just won't quit.

Ditto on the fence. Even a wire or rope or something visual (if you are waiting to afford a real fence) where your property line is will tell the kids "this is our yard"---then you have something to point to when you have to re-direct them. I would even get the orange nylon tape stuff and tie it across until you can get something more permanent up.

Good luck! Kick them out! They are definitely acting inappropriately to your fam's boundaries, and I'm sure their parents would not want them up against your sliding door like that--no way. So redirect redirect redirect and definitely mark your territory, both literally and figuratively, with these kids.


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## Chicky2 (May 29, 2002)

I'm one of those who absolutely doesn't mind the neighbor kids playing here, inside or out. One family in particular has a couple of grandkids who practically live there and they are being raised very differently. I have had several issues w/one of two of them being disrespectful of either our things or our kids. I nipped that in the bud immediately. One of them has quite a mouth on him behind my back, but is super polite to my face. I have called him on that, let him know I know what he's doing, etc....he knows that if he can't behave himself he won't be playing here. It is your property, and they are children who MUST learn respect and boundaries. If they cannot listen and mind your rules on your property, then either a fence is in order or a nice long visit w/their parents w/the children present is in order. I'd probably request a visit w/the parents and then ask them to talk to their children in front of me.

The watching the movie thing would have been mildly creepy except that I have so much experience w/kids that I think they probably just saw the movie and forgot all respect and boundaries because it was a screen. They turn into little zombies sometimes, lol.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *craft_media_hero* 
II think that if you do not nip this in the bud now while you are still "new" then it will become a huge issue that just won't quit.

I agree so much with this statement!

We have a park behind our house and this thread brought back a lot of memories of when we first moved in.

We don't have a fence and it wouldn't really work with the way our house is situated so the kids would come and play in our yard quite a bit. Every single time, I went out and let them clearly know that this was private property and showed them where the park line ended. We used to have older kids cutting through our yard on their bikes to get to the park and I told them they could use the sidewalk and to ride their bike around to get to the park and that I didn't ever want to see them riding their bikes through my grass again.

One time I had some teens sitting in my yard, around a tree, pulling out grass. I told them to stop, they didn't so I told them if they didn't get off my property, I was going to call the police. They finally left.

And one time at night, teenage kids were running through my yard. I went to their house and told their parents. The parents really didn't care so once again, I threatened that if they didn't stop it, I was going to call the police. That made the parents listen and finally tell their kids to stop.

And I am really not trying to be a witch about this, but the damage that gets caused costs a lot of money, not to mention if they get hurt on my property then I have insurance bills to worry about. I have had my siding on my house damaged because of kids running through my yard and throwing rocks so I have an absolute zero tolerance for anyone being in my yard uninvited.

If you can get the fence, do it!


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## Lucy Alden (Jun 15, 2009)

I can't imagine allowing my kids to run freely through someone else's yard. Yes to the fence, yes to talking to the parents and yes to talking to the kids and redirecting them every.single.time. Damage, insurance liabilities and privacy are all big on my list. I'd rather deal with the situation before something goes wrong. Plus your DC needs to be able to play in her yard without feeling afraid.


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## GranoLLLy-girl (Mar 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brennan* 
We just moved to a very small town and we love it! We live in a town house that backs onto an acreage that is shared but we have a small yard that is our own, and has the only trees in it, but it is only fenced on 2 sides and only 6 feet out, and the rest is open to all the other town houses. We have a 17 month old dd, who loves to play outside so this seemed like the perfect solution! However, there are 2 sets of kids on either side of us, one family has 4 kids and the other 3 and they are constantly playing together, and always playing in our yard (as it is between the 2 homes). This town house has either been empty or with people without kids for a long time so this was never an issue, but I want my daughter to be able to go out and play. The other kids are much older 5-13 years, and like to dig up our trees (our precious trees!) and have made it very clear that my daughter is not allowed to play with them or in their yard, and yet they are constantly in my yard. We do have the option of putting up a fence that runs the whole property line, but I would kind of feel like a jerk if I did that.

The kids are also coming up to our sliding door and looking at our wii or toys or last night when we were watching a movie after dd went to sleep they came and stood at our door and watched it, which made me feel super uncomfortable! They are homeschooled so they are always around so we dont' really have any time when they're not playing (being that it is beautiful weather).

Any advice? The parents told them to stop coming to our back window, but they keep doing it, and I want to do stuff like hang a laundry line (like other town houses have done in this complex) but I think that they are just going to be touching my clothes and running in between them.

Thanks!

I've always heard fences make the best neighbors...if you can afford to do the fence thing, the best time to do it is as soon as you move in--and then you can just say: well, we had a fence in our old yard/we plan to get a dog/etc., and folks won't think much of it.
We did that when we moved to our current home (the kids were tiny--one toddler, one newborn at the time) and we put up a fence right away because we have dogs. Our next door neighbor was furious because he didn't like the "look" of our home being the only one with a fence. Too bad. They moved a year later--and then we find out (only after they are gone) that the rest of the neighbors couldn't stand him because he had such strong opinions about everyone ELSE but never seemed to turn the microscope on himself.
Now, after six years and two additional sets of neighbors, we are the "old" family on the block and everyone assumes that the fence has always just "been there". I'm glad--with two dogs and two kids--I would prefer not to have to chain the dogs to a tree when they are out--or have to walk them every single time they have to use the potty. I know dogs are not your issue--but tearing up your trees? Darn, that just calls new fence to me!


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

We live in a townhouse too. Same kind of thing with the 6' fences maintained by the condo association.

The way our by-laws are written is that UNLESS you have built a fence (and it says the dimensions) then the yard is NOT exclusive us. So, unless you fence the yard, you can't prevent other people from using it. Our by-laws state that all land belongs to the condo association (so our title doesn't have the yard on it), but you have the right to fence off a certain portion.

So, I would fence your yard. You aren't going to win in that situation keeping the kids out. I'm going to guess that your yard is so small that by the time you go to tell a kid to stop cutting across, they'll already be out.


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

I know of someone who had a similar situation w/ kids comming over to their yard randomly.

They put up a flag pole, if the flag was up, the kids could come play, if it was down, they had to stay off their property. Made it clear to the kids when they were allowed over or not.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

I would go with a wood fence (chicken coop wire is not going to keep them out.)


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## wife&mommy (May 26, 2005)

A fence for sure for us.

In our last home, though, we had a fence and the neighbor kids would JUMP the fence in order to torment our dog when she was outside. The dog is a huge great dane, I have no idea why they thought that was a good idea but it made me so paranoid! But hopefully if you have a fence they won't go to these lengths.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

I would put up a fence or atleast put a few pots of stinging nettle by the screen door.

If I could not put up a fence,and the kids kept coming despite parent lectures then I would move.

Fish bowl living is not fun.


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