# Parents, if a 17 year old was dating a 19 year old, how would you view it?



## Blake Zangetsu

In this situation, how would you react? Would you be ok with it?


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## mumto1

*what's the issue, exactly?*

That isn't a huge age difference, is it that one is still in high school and one isn't? I'd have a big issue with something like a 14 yr old (girl) going out with with a 24 yr old (boy) because of the obvious age differences and the fact that it's illegal besides the fact that a 14 year old girl is super young and vulnerable. I did know of a family who condoned this situation, I found it unfathomable. But 17 and 19, they could be in college or university together, and be living on their own no? I had moved out at around that age.


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## moominmamma

If the relationship was healthy and respectful, I'd view it no differently than two 18-year-olds dating. Some schools are really tightly age-stratified, and I guess that makes people view it as odd when teens start seeing someone outside of their birth-year. Personally I think tight age-stratification of social contacts is what's weird. Where I live a two-year age-difference in teen romantic relationships is common and normal. 

Miranda


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## kathymuggle

No issues with a 17 and 19 yr old.


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## blessedwithboys

Not a really big deal. 

Are you worried about statutory rape becoming an issue? In many places, a close age gap is enough to prevent the charge. For example, when I was 17, I became pg by a 19yo. Even though he was over 18, he could not be charged with a crime bc we were just 25 months apart. If he had been a year or two older, he could potentially have gotten into trouble.


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## Arduinna

It wouldn't bother me, but when I was 16 I dated a 23 year old and at 19 I was dating a 16 year old.


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## stormborn

I wouldn't have any issue with that age difference. Heck, my husband and I started dating at 14 and 17 and we've had 30 years together. 

Are you worried about the legality of it if their relationship becomes sexual....or?


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## Chirina

I would be totally fine with it as long as I see that no one is exploited. If the relationship is healthy I see no problem. Especially I guess at 17 you already talked a lot about relationship, sex etc. with your daughter.


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## Xerxella

Chirina said:


> I would be totally fine with it as long as I see that no one is exploited. If the relationship is healthy I see no problem. Especially I guess at 17 you already talked a lot about relationship, sex etc. with your daughter.


Why do you assume the 17 year old is the girl and the OP's daughter?


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## SchoolmarmDE

With ages that close, I'd be more concerned with their respective maturity levels than their birth dates. I've known immature late teens of either sex, and advanced ones, as well. I generally prefer to see partners of similar "age and stage" and this is an age group with wide variety on that. An ambitious young women with her eye on college at 17 shouldn't date the same young person as her age peer who is hanging out behind the Dairy Queen might find suitable.


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## philomom

As long as you feel it would be consensual no matter what they "got in to". That is always were I drew the line.


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## parentin20thcent

Blake Zangetsu said:


> In this situation, how would you react? Would you be ok with it?


Lets look at it from this point of view. What if it was 14 and 16 or 20 and 22. I think its a safety thing, both the children need to be made aware of the laws and consequences. They need to be supported and educated more then controlled. My son is 14 and well aware of the laws and consequences and it has made him weary of dating at all. From here forward we will throw a reminder at him. We have also had the the birds and bees talk and advised him if anything at all comes up that all cards need to be on the table.


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## harrisa18

I think as long as you have talked over everything (sex, consent, consequences, respect in relationships) with your child (assuming one of these is your child) then I see no problem with it. If the 17 year old is still living at home then technically it's still a "my roof my rules" scenario because he/she is not an adult in the eyes of the law yet. But if everyone is respecting the parents' rules for the 17 y/o I think it is not too big of an age gap.


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## Arduinna

parentin20thcent said:


> Lets look at it from this point of view. What if it was 14 and 16 or 20 and 22. I think its a safety thing, both the children need to be made aware of the laws and consequences. They need to be supported and educated more then controlled. My son is 14 and well aware of the laws and consequences and it has made him weary of dating at all. From here forward we will throw a reminder at him. We have also had the the birds and bees talk and advised him if anything at all comes up that all cards need to be on the table.


17 and 19 year olds aren't children.


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## janecarmel

My first thought is to make sure no one is breaking the law. : p Even if you don't agree with the law, breaking the law of the age of consent isn't a good idea. Seems like it's age 16-18 in most U.S. states, don't know about other countries.

After that, I think the age difference of two years is OK, especially if the maturity level is about the same.


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## moominmamma

Is it really true that people under 18 can't legally consent to sex in some US states? Wow.

Miranda


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## stormborn

moominmamma said:


> Is it really true that people under 18 can't legally consent to sex in some US states? Wow.
> 
> Miranda


There are, but most states have "close in age exemptions" For example, in our state age of consent is 16, but as long as both partners are older than 12 and have no more than a 4 year age gap they couldn't be prosecuted.


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## janecarmel

moominmamma said:


> Is it really true that people under 18 can't legally consent to sex in some US states? Wow.
> 
> Miranda


Yep! In Alaska it's 16; Arizona, 18; California, 18; Colorado, 17. Each state has its own variations. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_States

It is probably very rare than teenagers are convicted of statutory rape when it's clear they are in a consensual relationship, but I know it's happened and I wanted my kids to be aware of it.

I'd be looking for other red flags....possessiveness, depression, etc. The two year age difference alone doesn't send up a flag for me.

At the same time, is there a shorthand on this forum for "But I don't want my kids doing what I did when I was their age!" BIDWMKDWIDWIWTA, maybe? lol


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## Markons92

That's not a huge age difference. If your kid is happy then it's not a problem.


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## Mongol

I wouldn't let my daughter date until her 20s:smile:


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## Mongol

Muller21pfg said:


> I wanted to add that for me, even 7-10 years, it's a small difference and such a relationship is possible if there is love between these people. Even if it's my daughter. But her chosen one must be a worthy person. Moreover, it seems to me that such people are more interesting than the peers. Because they know more, they have more experience and have something to teach. And as it was said in the quote by John Galsworthy: "Love has no age, no limit; and no death" and I agree with this quote. Well, I won't mind a relationship if my daughter finds love on the online website de rencontre. The main thing for me is that the person was good and that my daughter was happy.


Be careful 'cause love can make you take stupid decisions, and when you're a teenager these decisions have a lot of impact on your future.


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## Emmaa20

It's not a big age difference.So it's ok.


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## jack46606

and what is the actual problem?


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## StephanieHarmon

not really a big deal for me


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