# Baby gets very fussy before naps



## AVeryGoodYear (Mar 31, 2009)

Hi all,

In the last two weeks, my 3 month old daughter has acquired a really bothersome new habit just before she takes a nap. After she wakes up, she'll be an absolute joy for about two to three hours, but at some point she will do a complete about-face and become very upset. She's not really crying, the way she did when she was colicky (which she seems to be growing out of, thank goodness), but it's more like she's giving wails and shouts of protest. There's no warning -- it's not like she starts showing signs of fussiness or sleepiness and I'm missing them, unless they're incredibly subtle -- it just comes on all at once that my happy, playful baby turns miserable.

All of our usual calming techniques work for a minute or two at most when she gets this way. After about 20-30 minutes of wailing in anger, she'll suddenly just snuggle against whoever is holding her and grow quiet; within 10 minutes from that point, she's asleep.

I know it's almost inane to worry about 20-30 minutes of an upset baby, but today I noticed that AS SOON as she started for the first time, my head began to pound badly enough that I had to pass her off to my husband, take some aspirin, and hop in a shower. When I finished, she was still upset, he was short on patience, and my headache came back, albeit more dully. We continued like that for the rest of the day -- nap, wake up, happy baby, fussy baby brings on an immediate headache, nap... etc etc. Because my headaches are coming on as soon as she gets that complaining tone to her cries now, my patience is starting to wear thin so quickly that it's embarrassing, and I know that me being stressed is not helping the situation.

I'm wondering if anyone else has experience with this or thoughts about what could be going on. I don't believe it's a food allergy as nothing in my diet has altered since her birth, and I'm assuming that at pretty much exactly 12 weeks of age she is not yet teething. Our home atmosphere hasn't changed either. I genuinely feel like she's protesting or complaining about something, but I can't figure out what -- maybe just that she's tired and wants to go to sleep? I don't know.

Thanks for any help, thoughts, or reassurance you can offer.


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## Nikola's_Mommy (Apr 27, 2009)

My baby does the same thing. I used to try all sorts of things to calm her and would even take her for car rides if it got really bad until I read the Aware Baby by Dr. Solter. Her theory is that babies sometimes need to difuse tensions and stress by crying and she advises to allow your baby to cry while holding them lovingly and looking them in their eyes. Note that this is not the same as CIO - I am very much against CIO and you would never leave your baby to cry alone or without picking them up and trying to resolve obvious issues like hunger, diaper changing, or discomfort. It's more like you are allowing them to release their emotions.

After I read this book I found that her crying spells only last about 5 minutes now that I'm not distracting her and she'll sometimes give me a smile before she drifts off to sleep! The main thing the book did for me was allow me to stay positive and loving to her when she was crying instead of anxiously trying everything to calm her down.

Hope that helps!!


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## AVeryGoodYear (Mar 31, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nikola's_Mommy* 
Her theory is that babies sometimes need to difuse tensions and stress by crying and she advises to allow your baby to cry while holding them lovingly and looking them in their eyes.

Interesting! I had heard the theory about crying to release stress & "wind down", but I hadn't thought about gazing into her eyes and just letting her know I'm listening. As it is now, I just carry her around and get frustrated when she won't relax against my shoulder -- maybe I should calm down about that, let her pull away when she wants to, and we can look at each other and make a connection. I'll try that and see how it goes :]

Thanks!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Have you tried putting her down for a nap earlier, before the time she usually starts getting fussy? Maybe she's just tired but isn't giving any other cues.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

DD2 fusses a bit before sleeping - since birth, I've been saying that she NEEDS to yell at me for a couple minutes before going to sleep. So I let her. She's fed, clean, dry, warm, being held, etc. I'll swaddle her, hold her, walk, sing, bounce, pat whatever seems to help. Sometimes she burps or passes gas and settles right in to sleep. Sometimes getting rid of the gas does nothing to calm her, and sometimes there isn't any clear indication of what was wrong like that but she settles down anyways. She's a reflux baby, though, so maybe it has more to do with that in her case.

My first indication that she's sleepy is when she starts to avoid eye contact. Looking at faces, Mama's in particular, is very stimulating at this age. So when she begins to avoid the stimulation, I whisk her off to get ready for a nap (diaper, swaddle, dark room, whatever). Seems to help.


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## Quinn's Mama (Mar 24, 2009)

Don't discount teething. My boy started having teething pains and teeth trying to push up at 3 months old. Not fun, but there is a very distinct difference between letting out tension and full blown "I'm in pain" crying.

Your baby most likely would be teething if she is frequently trying to bite things and /or drooling constantly and/or fever, etc.

Good luck!


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## boringscreenname (Sep 26, 2007)

My DS has done the same thing for quite awhile now. He goes from being happy to mad with little warning. I can tell he's tired because he's rubbing his eyes but boy does he fight going to sleep. We tried letting him cuddle with us and he'd just move his head around, rub it against us and keep doing it to keep himself awake.

So we started putting him down in his crib, and gave him a pacifier and blanket and he'd pull the blanket up where he wanted it and go to sleep within a few minutes. Now all I have to do is lay him down in the crib and he automatically rolls to his side and waits for his blanket and pacifier and he's out. White noise also helps him fall asleep and stay asleep longer.

On the rare occasions he won't take a nap in his crib I let him lie beside me on either the couch or the bed, and he takes a nap.


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

My DS still does the same thing. It is a fight for every nap, and bedtime. No advice, just some









I haven't figured out how to stop this from happening, and he's 8.5 mo now.


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## JessieBird (Nov 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boringscreenname* 
My DS has done the same thing for quite awhile now. He goes from being happy to mad with little warning. I can tell he's tired because he's rubbing his eyes but boy does he fight going to sleep. We tried letting him cuddle with us and he'd just move his head around, rub it against us and keep doing it to keep himself awake.

So we started putting him down in his crib, and gave him a pacifier and blanket and he'd pull the blanket up where he wanted it and go to sleep within a few minutes. Now all I have to do is lay him down in the crib and he automatically rolls to his side and waits for his blanket and pacifier and he's out. White noise also helps him fall asleep and stay asleep longer.

On the rare occasions he won't take a nap in his crib I let him lie beside me on either the couch or the bed, and he takes a nap.

My 5-month old is EXACTLY like this. It was really challenging for several weeks as i spent so many times a day trying to calm and comfort him. Eventually, I realized that there were slight cues before each about face, such as swiping at his face with the back of his hand (very subtle eye-rubbing) and avoiding eye contact, as a pp also mentioned. Now when he is awake, I kind of keep an eye on the clock so I know when to turn on my sleepy-cue radar. As long as I get him down before the fussiness sets in, he is so happy and nods right off. He actually looks excited to be brought to his crib. I used to be totally opposed to the crib and pacifiers, but that combo has worked wonders for us. During the day, he loves, loves, loves his quiet time alone (gets it from his mumma!) in his own bed with his suce and blankie. We also use a noise machine set to birdsongs. Cuddling and rocking only serve to annoy him. Nighttime is a different story - then we bedshare and it's all cuddles.

Good luck, I hope some of these responses help you!


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## AVeryGoodYear (Mar 31, 2009)

I find that she sometimes enjoys being alone -- we rarely use her crib for her to sleep in, but she likes to lie in there and watch the mobile spin.

This morning she woke up and was very alert around 6am (not just waking to feed). I fed her, changed her, and after about 20 minutes of play, noticed that she was avoiding eye contact, as mentioned here. I wrapped her loosely in a blanket, walked around the house for a few minutes, then laid her in our bed between hubby and I when she was still drowsy. Within minutes she was sound asleep, WITHOUT fussing. It was lovely


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## Ayame87 (Nov 6, 2007)

Mine is 9 months in 10 days and is the same way. It's a fight for every nap and bedtime, but I know it'll pass, I just play with him and love him until he's too tired and passes out







I hand him a blankey, he grabs it, rubs it on his face, turns on his side and passes out


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## Starfish11 (Apr 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AVeryGoodYear* 
I find that she sometimes enjoys being alone -- we rarely use her crib for her to sleep in, but she likes to lie in there and watch the mobile spin.

This morning she woke up and was very alert around 6am (not just waking to feed). I fed her, changed her, and after about 20 minutes of play, noticed that she was avoiding eye contact, as mentioned here. I wrapped her loosely in a blanket, walked around the house for a few minutes, then laid her in our bed between hubby and I when she was still drowsy. Within minutes she was sound asleep, WITHOUT fussing. It was lovely









I was going to respond with this, but you got it







AS SOON as that baby shows the first signs of heading towards tired, wrap her up and start soothing her to sleep. That's the only way we've made our house peaceful (sometimes) as we have a baby that fights sleep big time. Now that we have her cues down we rarely have a crying baby on our hands.

Also, babies can feel when their parents are stressed out which will prolong their crying unhappiness. If you and DH need to, just put her down for a few minutes while you breathe, regroup and get back to the place you need to be emotionally to get her to sleep. Once I realized how important it was to have the right frame of mind it made a huge difference in our relationship.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

For us, this is NOT a sleep fighting baby. DD1 is a sleep fighter. DD2, however, just likes to yell a bit. Sometimes, she wants to be put down, which is completely foreign to us as DD still needs to be heavily parented to sleep.


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## AirMiami (Feb 3, 2009)

Must be a 3 month old thing! Mine started doing this right before she turned 3 months. At first I was running around trying to soothe her, but I realized she goes to sleep much faster if I hold her (or lay her on the bed on her belly and sit or lay next to her), pat her back firmly, and tell her quietly it's ok to cry and be mad or shhhshhh her softly. We went from 20+ min of crying to around 5-8 and then she's out for her nap. I think my bug just gets so angry that she has to miss out on the world, she has to let it out before she can sleep.


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## D'sMama (May 4, 2008)

My 4mo does this too - he's also teething, though, so that's not helping anything! He will pretty much ONLY be worn for naps, which I don't mind except that my back is killing me. I've tried holding him until he's asleep, then putting him down in bed or in the Amby, or sitting down, but he just wakes up a minute or two later, screaming, and I have to pick him up again, rock him to sleep again, etc. It boggles my mind how people can just "put the baby down for a nap" and they actually fall asleep or stay asleep. It's a rare day I can even nurse him to sleep in bed for a nap.









Anyway, OP, I was going to mention that I think it's pretty normal for babies that young to not be able to stay awake more than a couple hours. I know my DS will need a nap soon if he's been up for even 2 hours. He still naps 3-5 times a day, for 30-90 minutes each time. Try winding down for a nap after 1.5-2 hours and see if that helps.


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

I'm having similar issues with my 3 month old these days. He's never accepted sleeping anywhere but in direct physical contact w/mom or dad. And now we're losing all our tricks for putting him to sleep! Nursing to sleep works sometimes, but sometimes he just gets mad, and he's very difficult to transfer out of my lap if he does fall asleep (it used to be I could pass him to dad to put in the moby wrap). He likes being worn, but often insists on continuous walking by whoever's wearing him unless he's totally out. It used to be that a short walk would put him to sleep, but now he likes to look around, so only very long walks work. Often I know he's tired, but have no tricks left to even try to put him to sleep! He keeps waking up again, and keeps playing (fairly happily), until he's so tired he's just really fussy. Any brilliant ideas?


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