# Baby sitter issue - nice art supplies ruined, help me put it in perspective



## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

We have started using a sitter for date nights. Actually it's a mom, with her 15 year old teen, who she is sort of training to babysit. It's a family from our church, generally like minded, home schooling single mom. They are sweet, dependable, very available, and my kids like them. Date nights have been such a positive thing for DH and I. We've used them 3 times now.

DH has set all of this up on the phone, at my request that he take charge of us doing this. The mom asked if we wanted them to do baths. DH told her that we don't do nightly baths, and didn't need them to bathe the kids. When we came home from our second date, the kids were bathed. I was a bit uncomfortable with this, but I'm a control freak, and I'm trying to let go more. I would have liked to have been asked first - perhaps a simple text (The mom has texted with DH some during our dates, mostly just saying "all is well"). The kids were fine, clean, happy, and ready for bed. I was glad to sit down and nurse my baby. I had a nice time with DH. I didn't comment.

The third date we were running late and I was getting dressed when they arrived. So, I came down to say bye to the kids after they'd been playing awhile. DD1 and the teen were playing with a craft that was up high out of DD1's reach (though in easy view of the teen). I was a bit irritated they'd taken it down (mosaic stickers, so hundreds of tiny stickers), but I figured they'd clean it up and I wasn't attached to the craft, and they were already doing it, so it didn't seem worth commenting. DD1 is THRILLED to have the undivided attention of a teen and doesn't want me involved.

They bathed the kids again that night. We got in late and they left quickly. The next day I saw paintings they had done, which startled me. Doing laundry this week I discovered clothes with lots of paint on them. I casually asked DD1 what paint they had used, and she said "my very special paint"!! This is her brand new Stockmar wet on wet paint - expensive paint designed to be very diluted. It was up high out of her reach, but again, in view, right with her nice glass paint jars. Not only did they use the paint, they put brushes directly in the bottles!!! We don't even do that with our cheap crayola paints. All three primary colors are mixed up, and most of the bottles are gone. This was about $25 worth of paint, which should have lasted years. It doesn't even look like kid paint. The bottles weren't even wiped off. The clothes are stained as well. I'm floored and having lots of trouble making this into an innocent mistake. I feel really violated here. It just feels so disrespectful of our property. They didn't ask if the kids could paint. I didn't think to tell them not to take down craft supplies out of kid reach. We have TONS of toys, books, and even craft supplies in easy kid reach that would have been FINE to use.

I've talked with DD1 about this, but I'm not sure how we should talk with the sitters. I wonder if I can feel comfortable leaving them with my girls in my home again. I don't want to start from the drawing board looking for a sitter. Should we just mention the paints? The baths too? Honestly, I think I'm ok with the baths, but I would have prefered having the chance to give explicit instructions on what to use on the kids and such. I don't know how to mention everything they might think to do with the kids. I don't want to make this about money. They are a low income family, and I do NOT want them to pay for the paint or the clothes.


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## SuburbanHippie (Aug 29, 2008)

If it was in view, they probably thought it would be okay. You should probably move expensive art supplies out of view (like hidden away in a closet somewhere) so no one gets any ideas. For all we know, your DD could have persuaded them to let her use them, kwim?

As far as the baths go, I would probably make a point of telling them not to bathe her or try to bathe her before you leave if possible. She probably needed a good bath after the paint incident though. I can only imagine what that all looked like. Yikes.


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## Buzzer Beater (Mar 5, 2009)

My dd is much younger than your kiddos, but when I leave her with the sitter I am very specific about what's okay and also what's not. We found lemonade in her tilty cup one day, and ever since we've had to detail each time what we expect. I plan to stay an extra 5 minutes or so each time to go through what she should wear if they go outside, that she should have a hat and sunscreen, that she cannot have milk, etc. Everyone does it differently so you have to be very clear. Our sitter is in college and works for several families on our street and I like to make sure she has it all clear.

That really sucks about the expensive paint.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I would say that you only want the kids to use and play with the things within reach- these particular art supplies, these particular toys, these particular movies. Paint and craft projects up high are off limits. You can also put things out of sight.

If you really don't want them to do baths then say no baths, you want to take care of baths yourself. Saying the kids don't need it every night kind of makes it sound like you don't mind if they do it.

If there are no other issues then I would just try to communicate more clearly what they can use in your home and what you would like them to do. It seems to me that that would take care of it. I wouldn't lose sitters you like and your kids like over this.


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## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

I doubt they realized that the paints were expensive. I think you could handle this by saying, "I'm keeping some of the craft supplies up here because I don't want the girls to use them without me, so please don't use these with them when I'm not here. I've put some other craft supplies over here,," and about the bath, "Since we don't give a bath every night, I wasn't thinking about this the other times you sat for us, but if you do decide to bathe her, here are the products we like to use so her skin doesn't get too dry."

I get why they like a bath every time--that was a tip from my grandmother, that a lot of children fall asleep better after a bath. I think if you don't say "DON'T give them a bath," they probably will.


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## orangecanoe (Aug 3, 2003)

It sounds frustrating, but I'd explore why you feel so violated before broaching it with them. Doing crafts is a pretty standard way to occupy kids when babysitting. If the mom was modeling how to engage the kids in activities, I don't think it's so out of line. Every family has different standards for neat/messy so that might explain the messy clothes--it might not occur to everyone.

I'd be a little more uncomfortable about the bathing and either have the kids in jammies or already bathed.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I might have them back again. But, I'd have the expensive crafts put away, and get some normal paints and things out for them to do. I'm betting the 15 yr old really loves the crafts and maybe has never had them to use, so this is a lot of fun for him.

Have everything on the counter and ready to go before they get there.

I agree with you though. At the age of 15, I'd have NEVER even dreamed of giving kids paint with their regular clothes on, and I absolutely knew that you didn't put the brushes right into the paint. It wasn't something I figured out as an adult. I'd expect a little common sense from a teenager... not a lot, just a little.

I also don't think you should feel bad about not calling them to come back. It's great to have other babysitters too. Maybe someone with more experience. My daughter babysat when she was younger, and she was never their ONLY babysitter. There were a few people who didn't call her to come back. It's part of life, and it's how we learn. You don't owe this mom and son anything if you don't feel like coming home to a mess.


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Using the paint wouldn't bug me that much (although I'd hide things I didn't want used the next time), though staining clothes would. Giving the kids baths would honestly bug me too. I'm sure they were just trying to help, but I would not like the idea and feeling of babysitters bathing my kids. An adult should think about stained clothes enough to give you the heads up so you can soak them or whatever. Personally, I would either tell them very frankly what was okay/not okay to play with and to please not bathe them OR I would just not have them back again. I guess I would lean towards getting a different sitter, but only because I prefer it when I don't have to tell a sitter things that I feel like they should already know...like if my kid gets paint all over his clothes, please bring it to my attention so I can try to get the stains out, or better yet, don't use the paint without asking me. We have a sitter right now who I'm in love with. She is 16, picks up toys without asking, doesn't eat my food even though we always offer it to her, and leaves my house cleaner than I left it even though I've told her her only job is to entertain junior. I can relax unlike with some others who made me feel like I had more work to do when they left or left me feeling edgy about what they were going to do next (ie. paint everywhere.) I think you'd have more fun going out if you didn't have to worry about that sort of thing.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I think a babysitter would have assumed paints in view were ok. I don't think she did anything wrong. You should just remind the sitter no baths. Especially if it was the mom who asked you, not the babysitter.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think the paint is a sad but understandable mistake. When I have a sitter the only place and things that are off limits are the things in my room. Everything else is free game. I am also not that savvy about fancy art supplies and I am betting a lot of other people aren't either. Did you try the Oxy spray on the clothes? My dd went to a play-based daycare and came home with all sorts of stains from art and outside play and we always had success with that stuff. If the clothing stains are a concern to you then I think you should tell them specifically what is for the kids and what isn't so you can keep things that stain off the list. It really sounds like you two have a clash of styles going on and it might work better to have just the teenager there. I don't like having other moms watch my dd in my home but I have had great success with teenagers because they tend to not have the different ideas about my parenting decisions that other moms have. Maybe it is time to suggest that the teenager come by themselves because two people for two kids isn't working for your family.


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

Thank you for all of the replies. It's helping me work through my feelings on all of this. FWIW, the teen is a girl. As far as the bath thing goes, I think something like Captain Optimism said, "Since I don't do baths each night, I didn't think to tell you, but if you're going to do a bath ...." will suffice. I honestly don't mind them bathing the girls. I just wanted to give explicit instructions first.

I am trying to work out my issue with the painting thing. Part of it is that these paints were on their own on a shelf of adult books up out of kid reach. I don't understand why they would even think they were for kids. They are part of a special set we recently got for DD1. It was a big deal (and pricey) gift with all of the accessories, and we made a big deal about the ritual of wet on wet painting with DD1 and how to treat it all. Now I'll have to replace the paint to be able to use any of the accessories. And when I asked about what they did, DD1 said "I didn't like the paints"







They don't paint so nicely undiluted on dry paper. I imagine she felt guilty about the whole thing from the start.

Painting in regular clothes (there is a painting apron in a little drawer of the kids craft table they sat at, as well as kid paints) and dipping dirty paint brushes in bottles (new full bottles of adult looking paint) just feels like an obvious no no. The craft table has paper and crayons on it all the time. They had to go in craft drawers at kid reach to find brushes, and that drawer also has plastic paint jars for dolling out small amounts of paint. I just can't follow the train of thought here. It feels thoughtless on several notes.

I'm also at a loss as to why they didn't tell me "We painted. The girls got paint on their clothes, but we cleaned up the rest of the mess." They did tell us about the evening before they left, and made no mention of painting.

I guess I'm just not sure how to prevent something similar but different from happening. I get the "I should have hidden the expensive paint" idea, and thought to myself, I should have hidden the nice paints and put out kid paints, but seriously, how was I to predict they'd decide to paint?? Once I start hiding, what else I should hide? Food in the pantry or fridge? Toiletries? We did show them around the house and talk about things they could do the first time they came, pointing out the play room and toys, the study with the craft table with paper and crayons, shelves of kid books, their bedroom, pajamas, diapers, etc.

Just calling another sitter is way easier said than done. I don't have another sitter. 2 months ago, I just didn't have a sitter. It took me over 6 months of saying, "we should start using a sitter" to get to the point that we found someone to call that we felt comfortable with using. DD2 is little and doesn't go to other care takers easily. I want a very consistent, preferably not teen, sitter for her.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

I would assume paint were out of kid reach because they aren't suppose to use them unsupervised not because they aren't allowed to use the paint.

I think many people stick paint brushes directly in paint and would not think that was something not to do.

Its not like they tried on your underwear or something. They used paint they could see the way they use paint (which was not the way this paint is intended to be used).

Also, my feeling with kids clothes and messes and stains is 'if they arent dirty they didn't have any fun!' I would not expect someone to tell me if ds got paint on his clothes would not even be on my radar.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

I would hire someone else. I would never get into a persons things without permission.Toys yes,but not craft supplies that are one time use. I would think the mother would know better. I would not want the mother and her teen caring for my children. If the cloths was messed up I would mention they were washed or soaking.Why weren't the cloths covered while painting? I guess I am more careful and respectful of peoples belongings to get into their things like this pair did.

Every time I left my kids with them I would worry about what they were getting into,and what things I may not be told when I come home. Perhaps this is just how it is when you leave your kids with strangers. You could just blow this stuff off,but the next time you mention what you want them to do.Make a list of activites and supplies they are permitted to use to entertain your children.List what to be used for during a bath.Whatever you can think of list it. Then hope for the best!

Most people don't mean any harm,but they just live life a different way than you do. If you make a list there is no doubt in how you want them to do things.Let them know to call you ANY TIME if they are in doubt.Perhaps that will help tide things over till they get used to caring for your children if the way you want them.

Like you do with little kids and strangers-put away the things you don't want people to get into.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tbone_kneegrabber*
> 
> I would assume paint were out of kid reach because they aren't suppose to use them unsupervised not because they aren't allowed to use the paint.
> 
> ...


I pretty much feel the same way, though if I were babysitting someone's child I'd be a bit more cautious about the stains on clothes (change them into obviously craft-friendly already stained clothes, or have them paint in no shirt if that seemed appropriate).

I wouldn't be at all surprised if your dd convinced the babysitter(s) that it was totally ok and all good for them to use those paints together. It sounds like the paints are a new an exciting edition to her craft supplies and I bet she was eager to use them. Similarly, my dd at the age of 2 convinced my (then childless) friend who was babysitting her for the day that mommy and daddy always buy her the "brown milk" (chocolate milk), and got her to give glasses of it to her all afternoon! How dd even knew what the "brown milk" was since she'd NEVER had it in her life I'll never know! Lol!

The bath thing wouldn't even hit my radar. You're talking about another mom here. When you told her they "didn't need to bother" giving a bath I'm sure the mom (if not the teen) was thinking "oh well, giving a bath is easy enough - we'll do it to help them out",yk? In fact if someone gave my kids a bath while babysitting I'd think "oh great - the kids got bathed, now I don't have to bother tomorrow night". If what you really mean is "please don't give my kids a bath" then I think you need to make that clear. Or, like you mentioned in your 2nd post, just take a minute to point out the kid shampoo/soap/whatever for next time.

It sounds like a great babysitting team/future babysitter, and what you've described wouldn't be anything that would make me not want to hire them/her again.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss*
> 
> Doing laundry this week I discovered clothes with lots of paint on them. I casually asked DD1 what paint they had used, and she said "my very special paint"!! This is her brand new Stockmar wet on wet paint - expensive paint designed to be very diluted. It was up high out of her reach, but again, in view, right with her nice glass paint jars. Not only did they use the paint, they put brushes directly in the bottles!!! We don't even do that with our cheap crayola paints. All three primary colors are mixed up, and most of the bottles are gone. This was about $25 worth of paint, which should have lasted years. It doesn't even look like kid paint. The bottles weren't even wiped off. The clothes are stained as well.


I taught my kids from a young age not to stick a brush with paint on it into a jar with a different color paint. I would be ticked too. And I think most adults (or reasonable teen) should know that if clothes have something on them that can stain, getting it treated and washed as quickly as possible is the best chance of avoiding the stain.

I can understand their mistake of not knowing that you didn't want the paints used, but the rest of me seems like a lack in judgement that makes them untrustworthy.

At the same time, I wonder if since your DD labeled them her "special paint" and it was clear that they were new, if perhaps it should have been a little more obvious that you'd prefer them be left alone when you weren't there, and perhaps the teen was more excited about new art supplies than really concerned with what was appropriate for your kids or what you would prefer.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss*
> I guess I'm just not sure how to prevent something similar but different from happening. I get the "I should have hidden the expensive paint" idea, and thought to myself, I should have hidden the nice paints and put out kid paints, but seriously, how was I to predict they'd decide to paint?? Once I start hiding, what else I should hide? Food in the pantry or fridge? Toiletries?


I would feel this way too. I couldn't relax with them in the house. I would be out wondering what would be trashed when I got back.

My kids are only 13 and 14, and they would know better than what your sitter AND HER MOM did. Leave things the way you found them is pretty basic. There is a HUGE difference between using some of the paint and putting the rest neatly away vs trashing the paint and clothes.

Also, in future, I would be more clear about bedtime routine. I'd write down what I wanted done and at what time.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> My kids are only 13 and 14, and they would know better than what your sitter AND HER MOM did. Leave things the way you found them is pretty basic. There is a HUGE difference between using some of the paint and putting the rest neatly away vs trashing the paint and clothes.


I'll admit that at 15 I was still pretty clueless, and I might have thought dipping the brushes in the paint was totally fine (esp if it was billed to me by the child as "her" paint and therefore not in my mind as "adult paint"), and I might have thought getting the clothes in the laundry hamper and cleaning the table was all that needed to be done re. clean-up. I would, however, expect a bit more of the mother. That said, it occurs to me that maybe the mom was busy looking after the op's younger child while the teen did the painting crafts. The mom might have thought that everything was fine when she came in to a cleaned-up room and might not have thought about what was done with the clothes (or what was worn during the craft). Anyway, just putting that out there as a possibility.

I guess, as I think about it some more, I would be plenty annoyed about the trashed paint and stained clothes, but I'd probably see it as a honest mistake. Like I said in my pp it wouldn't deter me from hiring them again - I would just be more explicit in my instructions and put anything I *really* didn't want them getting into out of reach. I don't think I'd worry about them getting into toiletries or personal stuff, just based on the OP. I think it's a far cry from using paint (albeit the "wrong" paint) for painting, to rifling through someone's personal stuff.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

As a teen, I was pretty antsy about not making messes in the homes of other people. Back in those days, picking up and doing some light cleaning used to be a part of things, so I did dishes and picked up the toys after the kids went to bed. So as a 15 year old, no, I wouldn't have gotten paint down because I'd have worried they'd have gotten it on their clothing and I'd have to clean it up, and the parents would be angry at stained clothing, or wouldn't have wanted the supplies consumed. But I was babysitting in the early 80's, so things are different now. If they were water colors (the chalky kind in the trays), I'd probably have let them use them, after first asking if their parents thought it was OK. My kids had tempera paints and those stain, so I'm kind of picky about how my kids used them, making sure to clean the brushes and put paper down on the table and make sure their clothes don't get dirty if they are clothes I care about. So from that perspective, yes, I'd be a little angry about the whole thing. It doesn't sound they tried to stain treat the clothing at all, and I wouldn't let other people's kids ruin paints by mixing them all together. If my own kids do that, they know the consequences, but if I'm watching someone else's kids, I feel like it's my responsibility. And I do help with the art program at the elementary school, and helping kids properly use the supplies is part of what we have to do, and that involves learning about them myself.

I'm not familiar with Stockmar paints, but I just googled them. It looks like they are pigments that you mix with water to make water colors, and the bottles are supposed to last for years. I don't if there were any kind of written instructions on the bottles, but I would be upset that there was no attempt to even figure out what they were dealing with. I don't think I'd assume that all art supplies were the same, anymore than I'd assume every computer or DVD or musical instrument was open and fair game, you know?

Since this teen is in training to become a babysitter, I think explaining things and giving a list of expectations is a good idea. If the parent or the teen gets upset with your training and discussion, then clearly they are not the babysitters for you.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I dunno... Not really sure that it's fair to not explain anything to the babysitter(s) and then get annoyed when they did stuff you didn't want them to do. "Well, they should have known" isn't adequate.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

I would be annoyed, but I think I would hire them again. I would be more clear about what was okay and not okay, and if there was another incident would stop hiring them after that. The paint thing would upset me but I would probably let it go since I hadn't said it wasn't okay.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

http://www.amazon.com/Watercolor-Paints-Set-of-6/dp/B0013N16WY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1308370863&sr=1-1-catcorr

Idunno... I still think a teenager should have known better than to use these paints, or to put the brush directly into the paint bottle. If the mother is really teaching her 15 yr old to babysit, why didn't the Mother show any concern for that activity? Or at LEAST worry about painting without a smock. I DO think your older daughter had the idea, and showed the sitters where the paint was, and I bet she said "Ya, those are mine". So, I can't say I totally blame the sitters, they probably just want the kids to be happy.

Still, I think if you have them come back, just look around the house and see what possible trouble they can get into and try to head it off first. Put play clothes on the kids before you leave, and tell the sitters "no bath, they just had a bath last night".


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Your oldest is almost 5. It is possible they asked her if those paints were okay to use & she said yes or your dd asked if they could use her paints(which they are hers). Same with the mosaics. Unless you purposely say something is off limits it is reasonable to think that crafting stuff is okay to use, especially if it's in view. Your dd may not have been able to see it, but she may have known it was up there or the sitters asked her if it was okay to use them.

With the bathing, they could be bathing them because they are getting messy when playing with them, especially with the paints. If it was all over their clothes then it was probably all over the kids too. Would you have rather they gone to bed with paint on them?


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## firefrenzy (Sep 9, 2010)

I was babysitting on my own at age 15. The parents were always clear on what was expected during the time I was watching the kids. I had some families tell me that the kids could color and do crafts and then show me which craft supplies were allowed (the mother was a scrapbooker and wanted to make sure the kids didn't convince me to get the expensive craft stuff out for them). I also had parents tell me no crafts or no tv. As a baby sitter, I preferred the parents who were very specific about the time together (including what to feed the kids and when, what they wore to bed, etc) over the ones who left very few instructions. (I had a mom leave me with an 4 month old with no instructions on the baby's feeding schedule and got mad at me when I called her moments after she left when I realized she didn't tell me his eating schedule and how much he ate...)

If I were you, I'd give them another chance and communicate clearly with them your expectations.


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## hippiemombian (Jun 5, 2011)

I just want to put my 2 cents in. I am an adult and don't have the slightest clue on the proper way to handle paints/brushes. I've never really painted outside of art class in elementary school, so I am clueless. I don't think you can really get mad at her, just because it is obvious to you doesn't mean it is to everyone. Maybe she didn't tell you because she wanted it to be a suprize, the pictures, not the stains. Maybe they have a different standard of neat and messy. Stains on kids clothes in my house isn't a big deal. It sounds more to me that youre upset because you didn't get to use the paints with her and the babysitter did. The next time I just would say something like "Just so you know this is what is okay for them to do while we are gone, the stuff that is out of her reach is off limits. If you want to paint again here are paints that she can play with and here is where her paint apron is. I'm a stickler for staying tidy so try to make sure the paint stays on the paper" or something like that. I really think it was an honest mistake. I would be mad if she had gone through personal items in my bedroom, but usually stuff in the open common areas is free game unless specified elsewise.


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## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

Im an adult as well. I've done daycare, babysat and nannied overnight for kids. Honestly, you are getting upset over the little things. If *I* saw those little bottles of paint, even today, I probably wouldn't know what they were really for and if the kid wanted to use them, that's what we would do. As a babysitter its MY JOB to keep the kids happy and safe. Unless you tell me directly - no painting- then there is a chance we will paint. Many many kids use one brush for all colors of paint, sometimes rinsing the brush in a cup of water. I don't always give a play-by-play to the parents of what we exactly did for the hours they were gone.

I figure they are going to check the laundry either that night or the next morning.

I figure if the kids are dirty, they get a bath.

IMO the whole point of a sitter is for everyone to have fun. The parents go out and have fun, the kids stay home and do something different and have fun. Also, you need to remember that things happen differently while you are gone and the sitter needs to accommodate as she goes along. So even though you may say 'no bath' that kid could end up covered in craft material, or covered in juice, or covered in dirt from playing outside and a bath is needed. I'm sorry but I'm not putting a kid to bed who has juice in her hair, dirt on her legs and feet and paste up her arms. Its just not going to happen, no matter what mom said- that kid is getting a bath!


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## DariusMom (May 29, 2005)

I think it sounds annoying (especially finding paint-stained clothes later in the week) but nothing to get rid of good responsible babysitters for! It sounds as though you and your DH have really needed to get out and be together w/o children for a long time and that the date nights are doing you a lot of good. Moreover, you sound very cautious about babysitters, in general, and you do trust these people and your girls like them.

I don't want to negate your feelings. You feel what you feel. However, feeling "violated" because of what sounds like an honest blooper on the part of trusted caretakers comes across as over the top. I agree with the PP about doing some self-reflection to think about why you feel violated (which is pretty strong language!). Is it purely the money? (you're on a tight budget and this is money down the drain?) Is it that you didn't get to use the paints first with your DD? Is it that you're ultimately not very comfortable giving up control and leaving your girls and are, therefore, grabbing on to an annoying but seemingly minor mistake as an excuse to stop using these babysitters -- which, based on what you've said, means no more date nights? I think there must be something else deeper going on here for a feeling of violation to come from this incident.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I would think that they would probably think any craft supplies within view were a reasonable way to occupy kids. In fact they probably think it was a good way to occupy kids. They probably wouldn't know how expensive they were or how you wanted them to be used.

They should have known to have them change into old clothes, or wear smocks or something, and also they should have cleaned up properly afterward, if they were going to do messy crafts.

Also, if I told someone not to bathe my kids and they did, I would not be happy.

I think you have some reasonable complaints, but to be honest I agree that you do sound a bit controlling - not way controlling or anything, but saying that you don't want them to bathe the kids because you want to give specific instructions? That seems a bit much to me. If it's OK for them to bathe the kids, I'd give up on how they do it, and if it isn't OK for them to bathe kids, then I'd stick to that.

I'd keep them but I'd give more specific instructions, in writing. "Do not give the kids a bath. The following activities are fine, but please don't let the kids use anything not listed here." If you're really picky about what they can do, then you have to explicitly state it rather than expecting other people to just know. Like for me, if there are craft supplies in the house, they're available to use, whether within reach or not, and whether within sight or not. If they belong to the kids, the kids can use them. I'd just not want the mess left. It would not occur to me if I were watching someone else's kids that something in the house intended for the kids was not to be used, unless it were specifically stated in some way.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Another thought wrt the bath situation... I have babysat kids who have gotten fussy, missing Momma & Daddy, etc. A bath is often the ticket to calming them down, distracting them, helping them through it. Most kids like to play in a tub of water. It doesn't mean it was done to be subversive.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

I'm really surprised at the responses.

We didn't use sitters a ton when the kids were little, but when we did, they never once ruined anything or stained clothes. I don't see that as much to ask. I would think that most people would realize that unless art supplies say "washable" in giant letters, kids shouldn't wear regular clothes when using them.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> I'm really surprised at the responses.
> 
> We didn't use sitters a ton when the kids were little, but when we did, they never once ruined anything or stained clothes. I don't see that as much to ask. I would think that most people would realize that unless art supplies say "washable" in giant letters, kids shouldn't wear regular clothes when using them.


How would the sitter know they were regular clothes?


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

*


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss*
> 
> I am trying to work out my issue with the painting thing. Part of it is that these paints were on their own on a shelf of adult books up out of kid reach. I don't understand why they would even think they were for kids. They are part of a special set we recently got for DD1.


Probably because dd said "those are my new special paints." I'd assume a child was allowed to use her stuff but that they were up high because they required supervision or so that dd2 didn't get into them. Anyway, I'd put things like that in my bedroom next time. Sucks, though. I hate wastefulness.


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

I would make a special mention that you'd prefer the kids not use craft supplies in their reach, show where the okay ones are as well as smocks, etc. I'd also ask to make sure any clothes dirty with art stuff just get put on the washing machine and/or mentioned in case they need stain treatment. I think with a little talk about that stuff, this is unlikely to get repeated by your sitter. If your dd mentioned they were her paints that does seem like something that becomes okay to do, etc. as pp's mentioned. If you don't want the nightly baths, I'd comment that you've noticed the frequent bathing is bothering your kids skin, please not tonight on any specific night.

I'll add that, as a teen babysitter, I wouldn't have gotten out paints or done baths unless it had specifically been mentioned to me by the parents - but I was used to asking or not doing things that way at my own home, and if people are used to regular kid baths or not having to ask about supplies they'll do things differently.

As an artist - I feel badly for you about the paints . It just stinks to have something like that used improperly, with the expense, etc. . .

I have materials like that I use with our kids, but it's definitely kept away/out of sight. I probably over-lecture dd about caring for her brushes and stuff like that in the first place - but I have cheaper stuff that I leave out that I'd I might mention to a sitter or something, but even dd (who is 4) knows that I need to get asked about the art stuff and that it requires a certain set-up - smock, art mat for the surface, etc.. Maybe going over that with your kids (with the purpose that they can do more of it on their own anyway, even with you around) might help too? - they could help self-enforce stuff like having their smocks, taking care of stains on their clothes.


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## Agatha_Ann (Apr 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *zebra15*
> 
> Im an adult as well. I've done daycare, babysat and nannied overnight for kids. Honestly, you are getting upset over the little things. If *I* saw those little bottles of paint, even today, I probably wouldn't know what they were really for and if the kid wanted to use them, that's what we would do. As a babysitter its MY JOB to keep the kids happy and safe. Unless you tell me directly - no painting- then there is a chance we will paint. Many many kids use one brush for all colors of paint, sometimes rinsing the brush in a cup of water. I don't always give a play-by-play to the parents of what we exactly did for the hours they were gone.
> 
> ...


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## puddle (Aug 30, 2007)

I would be annoyed, but...

As other PPs have said, the way you phrased the no baths thing sounded like you just didn't want to make extra work for them so you weren't going to ask them to bathe the kids, not that you minded them getting a bath. I would just only have products in the bathroom that you're okay with them using when they bathe the kids.

With the paints, they probably assumed that since the paints belonged to DD, they were fair game and also washable. If they thought the paints were washable, then there was no need to mention the paint on the clothes. And I wouldn't throw away the paints just because they got mixed together. Your DD probably won't mind if they aren't pristine next time you use them with her together, the right way. Let her use the mixed up paints for practice, and then next time if you buy them again then she'll have it down by then.

I'd just be more specific next time and use it as a learning experience for all of you.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

OP in my books too this is not a big deal.

inspite of everything - expensive paints, etc.

i wouldnt even note the bath because i know bathing can be life saver when you are stuggling to babysit.

destroying the paints. now come on for all of you how many of you have even touched paints since school (unless its your hobby or ur profession). you have now learnt they dont know how to take care of paints (i find that strange though that they mixed it all up).

while yes it seems disrespectful i think a lot of the paint issue was due to lack of knowledge.

here is the thing though. whenever you have others in ur house you have to live with what happens. what appears as common sense to you might not be so to the other person.

i let a lot go because even if i didnt agree with what they did - the babysitter took good care of my child and played and did stuff with her rather than stick her in front of the tv.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

It looks like that paint comes in tiny containers. If I was to see something that size, it wouldn't occur to me to not dip brushes in it. "I" know that you're supposed to add water to it but most people wouldn't.


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## moppit (Jun 9, 2011)

Were you paying these people, or was it a favour? If they were just babysitting to be kind I'd keep my mouth shut, but if you were paying them I would be very annoyed! I would write out a list for next time of what I expected.

I would never use someone elses supplies or food or anything unless they said it was okay. If the baths were because of the paint I think that's okay but I would have told you as soon as you got in that they had had baths and why.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

OK I totally would be annoyed if someone used up my expensive paints or bathed my kid but from what you describe, I would say it's not the sitter being thoughtless or anything... I don't use a sitter (yet!) so maybe my thoughts on this are useless anyway... but it sounds like you really like to be in control & want things done a particular way. I am exactly the same way (that's partly WHY we don't use a sitter!!) so I understand it, I think. But I guess you just have to figure out what you want out of a sitter. Would it work better for you if you rented a movie for the kids to watch and set out dinner (or the dinner ingredients) and asked them only to do those things that you've left on the dining room table? Or would you be willing to be flexible and let some things go, but just specify the 3 most important things you want done a certain way? Either option is valid, you just need to pick one & discuss it with your sitter. I also think it would be acceptable to say something like, "Anything higher than DD1's head is off-limits to the kids," so that they understand the system you've set up in your home. In our home, things like expensive paints are hidden and the only bath products in the tub are the ones we feel comfortable using on DS. So if I walked into your home, I guess I'd just assume you had some kind of similar setup, unless you told me otherwise, and that everything out in the main living areas was available for general use. It would be very different if the sitter rummaged through your bedroom closet and came out with paints, you know? It really sounds like the sitter was just trying to keep the kids happy (painting) and make things easier on you (bathing), so if you like this sitter, I think it makes sense to hash it out first within your family and then with the sitter.


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## SuburbanHippie (Aug 29, 2008)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss* 


> Once I start hiding, what else I should hide? Food in the pantry or fridge? Toiletries?


Well, that seems a bit dramatic. The "special paints" that your DD knows are hers are a pretty obvious thing you would want to at least discuss with a sitter since they are out in plain view. If you fail to discuss it and it's out in the open, it's pretty much fair game. So your choices now are either discuss it with them so they know for the future or hide the paints. I don't think you need to hide the food in the fridge or hide the toiletries you don't want them to use for your DD's bath, but you have to at least talk to these babysitters so they know what is off limits. Communication with your sitters is really the key here.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

I'm surprised that the kids' clothing wasn't protected during painting, but not surprised that someone didn't know how to handle paint. How to work with art supplies is not something I consider to fall into the category of "common sense."

I don't think you need to hide your food and toiletries. I think you simply need to communicate with your sitter.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

I'd be really upset the clothes were full of paint and they didn't say anything. When I babysat if the kids got anything on their clothes I'd tell the parents when I was briefing them on how things went. If it was a big stain or something awful (like paint or grape juice) I'd call and ask what they wanted me to do. I did not want to be responsible for wrecking someone's $75 Gap outfit.


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## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CarrieMF*
> 
> How would the sitter know they were regular clothes?


Um, common sense?? If a kid is wearing clothes that fit, I would assume they are regular clothes. If a neighbor kid came over to your house in t-shirt and shorts, would you just figure it didn't matter if she got paint all over them? I wouldn't. I would try to find a smock or something for her to wear. And I don't care if it was washable paint, the parents still should have been told the clothes were stained. Even washable paint might not come out all the way if it has been sitting around for a couple days.

Plus, maybe this is just me, but I think it is weird that a 15 yo has to be trained to babysit three times. We've used a lot of teen sitters (because for some reason, they keep growing up and leaving! *LOL*) and not one of them ever brought her mom along. OP, I'd say if you don't have a good feeling about these people, don't have them back. You've given them 3 times, that seems like enough of a trial to me.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

*


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## Everrgreen (Feb 27, 2007)

I wouldn't hire them again. For me personally, I want a babysitter who I know has common sense which it doesn't sound like this mom-daughter team have. Some parents may be ok with having to spell everything out, but I don't want to have to do that.


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## midnightmommy (Apr 14, 2008)

You know, since you said she was learning to babysit to me means she doesn't have a lot of experiance, and wouldn't think about things like why painting might not be the best idea. Having a new sitter, especially a teenage one can have growing pains. I might be upset about it too, but remember that maybe she grew up with a different set of rules on paint. In our house even the cheap stuff is up high or it would accidentally get opened and put on the carpet. Some people buy expensive paint for everyday use for their kids. Maybe it just didn't hit her that kids get paint all over themselves, or maybe her mom is like me and just doesn't care. It either washes or my kids wear a shirt with their own art work on it.

We went through something similar. Our friend was watching our kids, and bringing her kids over. In their house all toys are just toys. To be used and abused. We have a shelf in our son's room for toys that either need to be handled nicely to last, or need all their parts to work (model planes, board games, expensive building blocks the dog loves to eat if left out). They come down so we all can play together and then get put back away. Since our friends don't have that at home they were getting stuff down, and leaving it out. I was upset at first. Then I realized it was a matter of different houses, and explained the shelf. Toys weren't taken out after that. Our friendship is still great. I have a wonderful sitter that my kids love and were happy to see. Which really is the most important part.


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## Mommyofalmost6 (Sep 12, 2007)

To me it sounds like a very VERY large communication issue. I can understand being upset about the wasted paint however I am pretty sure it wasn't done with an ill intent. Bathing the kids, I wont lie, I am more then happy to have the sitter do. However we only use sitters we would trust our kids lives with so bathing them doesn't seem like a big deal. Heck a friend of mine watches them some times and we toss her boy in with mine lol. However, if you truly do not want them giving them baths then just say please do not bath them. If its ok then I would just make sure that the kids bath stuff and towels are on the counter in the bathroom in easy view. It really is pretty hard to mess up a bath. I would be specific about the art supplies and expectations. This TRULY to me seems like a communication issue that could be easily fixed. I admit I know nothing about paints. However as a mom being used as a sitter I am open to using crafts to make the kids happy. While I most likely wouldn't choose paint as I have a very large family, painting with one child can be tons of fun. It would not occur to me that they were not allowed to be used, just that they were out of reach so they couldn't be gotten in to while mom had her back turned.


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## lemurik (Jul 26, 2007)

I must agree that this was a miscommunication problem. We live with my in-laws, who often take care of the kids when we are out. They know our rules and usually don't need any special instructions, but whenever there is a slightest question on whether something is ok, either they call or I tell them ahead of time. With a baby sitter, who is only coming to take care of a child a few times, I would leave very detailed instructions on what is ok and what is not. Common sense might not be the same for everyone and it is wrong to rely on someone's judgement assuming it will be the same as yours. This is especially true when it comes to special items, like art supplies.

In terms of bath - if you did not want the kids washed at all, no matter what, I would say so. Otherwise, if you were ok with the sitters washing them if needed, I would mention any special rules and provide the supplies.

What did your DD1 say about this? My son (same age) would have actually told the baby sitter if she was doing something outside of the normal routine. So if he were used to cover clothes while painting, and the baby sitter forgot it, he would mention it to her. He would also know which items are for use and which he needs to ask permission for, even if they are within his reach.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

I think that, as a parent, it's your job to communicate boundaries to your sitter. If you don't want the sitter to bathe your kid, say so. If you don't want to the sitter to use particular art supplies say so. Every household runs differently, and the sitter has no idea how your household runs unless you tell her. Don't waffle or hedge the issues: just tell her exactly what you want and everyone will be happier.

I assume that dd may get messy when with a sitter (playing at the park, doing art projects, whatever) and I don't put her in any "special" clothes. Honestly, I assume that ANYTHING dd wears is liable to get ruined at any time, no matter who's watching her--she's five years old and she makes messes. That's life. Also, if I were 15-year-old kid babysitting, and the child told me she wanted to use her "special paint," it would not occur to me that the paint was off limit. I WOULD tell the parents if the clothes got stained, so that they could use a stain stick or whatever to treat the clothes.


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

Thank you all for your replies. You're helping me see this as an honest mistake, which is 100% what I wanted to think of it as. I do really like the sitters. I will be more specific about bath stuff in the future. I just hadn't set any of that stuff up for them, and we don't do much if any soap on DD2's body, and always use conditioner in DD1's hair (but not in DD2's) etc. No big deal. I trust them to do the baths, but next time I'll make sure they're set up for it.

I'll have to work out what I'm ok with as far as craft supplies go. The nice paints were put away where they belong, as was the mosaic sticker craft set. I didn't think to mention them. They live on those shelves. We have WALLS of open shelves full of books, toys, craft supplies, etc. I pointed out our backyard with swingset, sandbox, etc, some favorite toys, some favorite books, the craft table with paper crayons, pajamas and diapers, specific food for dinner, as well as some specific how we do dinner stuff, and suggested they do an after dinner walk like we traditionally do.

DD1 knew that using those paints wasn't ok. She knew dipping brushes in the bottles was absolutely NOT under any circumstances ok (heck, she knows it's not ok to do that with cheap crayola paint). She knew where the apron was, and that we always put it on her for painting. DD1 really really likes to experiment with different authority figures. At play groups she wants ANY other parent to take her to the bathroom, push her on the swing, etc, and she wants me to GO AWAY while the other parent has her. She craves authority figures who will give her different boundaries than we do, and she wants to talk, ad nauseum, about how so and so let her do thus and such (that we don't) and how so and so didn't let her do thus and such (that we do). She was quite fascinated by how the sitters insisted she wear panties under her pajamas, had her take a different route than we do on evening walk time, and even let her use the fancy special new paints like that. However, in the case of the paint, she clearly felt pretty guilty about it. In large part, I need to look at how to handle this with DD1. She can't be trusted to "help" the sitters follow our rules. She wants them to create different rules.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss*  She was quite fascinated by how the sitters insisted she wear panties under her pajamas, had her take a different route than we do on evening walk time, and even let her use the fancy special new paints like that.


I slept over at a friend's house when I was about 9yo, and she and I were horseplaying before bed....and when her nightie lifted up I noticed she wasn't wearing panties. I was like







, although I didn't say anything. Kids are funny....the differences in people's lives can be VERY astonishing. I was nearly a teenager before I realized that my mother, who wears a bra to bed, is rather unusual in that respect.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lindberg99*
> 
> Um, common sense?? If a kid is wearing clothes that fit, I would assume they are regular clothes. If a neighbor kid came over to your house in t-shirt and shorts, would you just figure it didn't matter if she got paint all over them? I wouldn't. I would try to find a smock or something for her to wear. And I don't care if it was washable paint, the parents still should have been told the clothes were stained. Even washable paint might not come out all the way if it has been sitting around for a couple days.
> 
> Plus, maybe this is just me, but I think it is weird that a 15 yo has to be trained to babysit three times. We've used a lot of teen sitters (because for some reason, they keep growing up and leaving! *LOL*) and not one of them ever brought her mom along. OP, I'd say if you don't have a good feeling about these people, don't have them back. You've given them 3 times, that seems like enough of a trial to me.


Not everyone does care about the clothes though. My kids ONLY have regular clothes. If they get paint on them then so be it. If they come over to play with shorts & a shirt on then yeah I will assume that it's okay to get them dirty & that the parents know there is a possibility they will be ruined.

I think it is weird the mom was there too, especially for a 15yo. I could see a 11 or 12yo but not a 15yo.

Quote:


> DD1 knew that using those paints wasn't ok. She knew dipping brushes in the bottles was absolutely NOT under any circumstances ok (heck, she knows it's not ok to do that with cheap crayola paint). She knew where the apron was, and that we always put it on her for painting. DD1 really really likes to experiment with different authority figures.


She's also 5 & as you said she likes to do - making new rules. She probably felt guilty becuase she knew she wasn't supposed to do it but did it anyhow(and probably had alot of fun breaking Mom's rules).

Since she does like to get authority figures to make new rules when you aren't around then IMO it is even more important that you set out the rules on what you feel is okay for your family. It IS okay to have different rules when Mom & Dad are gone, but it should be you setting those rules with the sitter & not the 5yo doing it.


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

If you decide you don't want to hire them back, is there a way you could arrange a babysitting co-op? I have a few friends who I rotate childcare with so we all get a date night. One thing I like is that the kids usually go over to the babysitting couple's house, so we don't have to worry about "house rules". It's also fun because the kids get a little playdate for the evening. These are my nearest and dearest friends so I completely trust their judgement. Good luck OP!


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## VocalMinority (Apr 8, 2009)

Clearly, you have different standards about what kids can get into and how they can treat their things/clothes, than your sitting family does.

It's natural to feel like your own ways are "right" *and obvious.* Ergo, after the mosaic stickers incident, you didn't think it was necessary to *say*, "Don't worry about it - I'm not upset about you guys using the stickers set. But in future, our house rule is that art supplies that are out of our kids' reach are there for a reason. They may be expensive, or we're saving them for a special occasion. If you're wondering how to entertain the kids, everything over here is fine to get into." You didn't say that, yet you felt surprised - and that your things were being disrespected - when they got into off-limits art/craft supplies, the next time.

As logical as your rules seem to you, it may seem just as logical to the other family that if there are art supplies in a house with kids, it's OK to help the kids reach them and let them go to town, making beautiful creations for you; and that if you have kids and art supplies, you understand that clothes will wind up with paint on them, sometimes. Maybe this family has never had paint besides washable Crayola and didn't realize how hard it would be, to get the good stuff out of clothes. And if the kids like to get crazy-messy (or wild and sweaty) when the sitters are there, that likely explains the baths.

If I do say so myself, I was a wonderful babysitter, back in the day. Parents and kids seemed to love me. If parents had casually told me, "I don't think the kids will need baths," but then the kids got full of paint, or ran around like crazy and got all sweaty, I would have thought the responsible thing to do would be to go ahead and see that they took baths, esp. if the parents weren't due home until close to/after bedtime. I also would have thought contacting the parents about this would have been inconsiderate: it's not an emergency and they hired me because they need some time to themselves, without having to think about things like, "Should we bathe the kids, or not?" Nor do they want to come home and think, "Great. Now we have a bunch of work, getting the kids clean."

As a parent, I secretly prefer having my MIL babysit (who takes care of everything that comes up and would only call us if an ambulance were on the way), versus my Mom (who tends to call about every little thing, just to make sure we know...).

If your sitters are considerate, then if you make your expectations clear, they will care. If you are clear and they don't care, THEN drop them.

As an aside: It sounds like your daughter, at least, is telling you: "Quit decorating (i.e., teasing me) with the best art/craft supplies. If I can see them/know they're there, I want to USE them!" *and* "I want to be more free and exploratory with how I use art materials." In other words, it sounds like - when given the opportunity - she is repeatedly eager to get into the things you don't normally let her use; and also to delve into millions of stickers and mixing colors without authorization...

I do understand the wish to keep your nice supplies nice (esp. if they're expensive). And there's value in teaching your kids to take care of their things. But there's also value - and a lot of valuable education - in letting them explore. Mix paint colors until they turn black. Brainstorm what she could make, if she's surrounded by a sea of little colors and shapes, instead of a sober, reasonable allotment of stickers. Play without worrying about what gets on her clothes. Perhaps you could designate junky clothes to wear during crafts (and while your sitters are over); have cheap paint that the kids can mix as they please; and, if you don't want your daughter to covet the expensive art supplies, put them where nobody can see them and don't let her know they're there.


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## Mosaic (Jun 20, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss*
> 
> DD1 knew that using those paints wasn't ok. She knew dipping brushes in the bottles was absolutely NOT under any circumstances ok (heck, she knows it's not ok to do that with cheap crayola paint). She knew where the apron was, and that we always put it on her for painting. DD1 really really likes to experiment with different authority figures. At play groups she wants ANY other parent to take her to the bathroom, push her on the swing, etc, and she wants me to GO AWAY while the other parent has her. She craves authority figures who will give her different boundaries than we do, and she wants to talk, ad nauseum, about how so and so let her do thus and such (that we don't) and how so and so didn't let her do thus and such (that we do). She was quite fascinated by how the sitters insisted she wear panties under her pajamas, had her take a different route than we do on evening walk time, and even let her use the fancy special new paints like that. However, in the case of the paint, she clearly felt pretty guilty about it. In large part, I need to look at how to handle this with DD1. She can't be trusted to "help" the sitters follow our rules. She wants them to create different rules.


My daughter is the same age, and we're going through this, too. I don't think she actively WANTS to move the boundaries so much as she doesn't know where the boundaries are. FWIW, she does the same thing with other people _even when we are there_, too, like the addition of other people make things different. And, well, sometimes it does, so I can understand why she tests it.

Drives me bonkers, though, because that translates into "DD acting like a super-pickle in front of others when she'd NEVER try that stuff at home." Le sigh. Gotta love her!


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## intrepidmother (Feb 21, 2009)

Welllllllllllllllll,

You are a self-proclaimed control freak. Control freaks have trouble letting go and being okay with.... unpredictable events happening. The painting issue is annoying, but that's what happens when you let others take care of your house and your kids. It's fun. Baby-sitters are supposed to have fun with the kids while keeping them safe. I think you should put out craft supplies that you are okay with them using. The bath issue is easy to address. "She doesn't need a bath tonight" would suffice. I say..... ease up and realize people are fallible and are not mind-readers.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


> They didn't ask if the kids could paint.


Hm. Our babysitters don't have to ask if the kids can paint, or play outside, or take a bath, or eat ice cream... In fact, they mostly know not to call/text unless it's an emergency or they have a burning question.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Flower of Bliss*
> 
> However, in the case of the paint, she clearly felt pretty guilty about it. In large part, I need to look at how to handle this with DD1. She can't be trusted to "help" the sitters follow our rules. She wants them to create different rules.


i think this is GREAT life lesson your dd is learning. all about social boundaries. both her own and others.







in this sense you are making her adult life easy for her. to figure out how to get along with all around and when and how to pull a fast one


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## springbride (Nov 5, 2008)

My DD is almost 2 and for the last 4 months we have had a few regular times that we have needed sitters (DH is in school). I encountered many times where different sitters would let DD do/watch/eat things that to me seemed like common sense no-nos.

I have a baby cheat sheet labeled "DD's Day". It outlines her basic schedule, no TV, 3 options for each meal ect. It seemed a little rigid from an outside perspective, but really helped for us.


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## Jenni1894 (Apr 1, 2011)

I'm a control freak too...but my kids have free reign on the art/crafts. Playdoh..fine...but don't mix the colors or else you won't have your pretty sparkly pink anymore!! However they know to ask if they want to paint or color or whatever. I have cups and brushes and trays and giant jars of paint and spill proof cups full of paint. DH and I don't go out much, but when we do. and the last time we did I specifically told the sitters (15 and 12 yo girls) color, play doh whatever....just no painting.

I'm also a clothes freak so I would dress my kids in something more "play" for when others are watching them. And the control freak in me would layout an extra outfit and pj's for the kids too. just in case. In fact we just were washing cars and the baby got soaked (we all did) and the same girls were over and offered to change the baby. I said, sure....anything in the drawers..nothing from the closet. (CLoset is good clothes and drawers are play and pj's) she comes out with pj's on at 4 pm. lol

That being said, I would be upset about the paints...but chalk it up to "I know better for next time" But I would also be happy with the fact that the kids had fun and were taken care of while I went out. And that is the most important part IMO. Mixing colors is fun, and your DD is still little. sure she knows better....but think of it this way. Remember when you'd have a subsitute in school? You KNEW you could get away with more and that you could take advantage of the "new" teacher.

I'd hire them again, it sounds like they take good care of your kids and the kids had fun and were safe. And you got couple time with DH.


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## mumquest (Mar 29, 2011)

As others have mentioned, I think communication is key.

I am a sitter. I nanny, and have graduate education in child development. A large part of my job is figuring out what parents want/expect from me as a sitter and from their children during our time together. And every family is SO DIFFERENT. If you have feelings about things, you have to tell them, though please be sure to convey your respect, appreciation of them. As a sitter in someone else's home it is really challenging to balance their expectations with your own philosophies and the ideas/whims of the children present.

Take a few minutes before you leave to make quick comments about what on and off limits (keeping off limits stuff put away makes that easier, you don't want to go through every room and explain every item, so an easy "everything in this play area is fine for the kids, but the things in this closet are not for them to use". Let them know they can text with questions, even if they seem silly and unimportant. As far as the baths go, be specific. They may find baths a good way to keep the kids contained and entertained, it may be something they do nightly, it may be about soothing the kids, they may think you are trying to unburden them by saying the don't have to bathe them. You can say no baths at all, or just take a few minutes to talk about the routine/products etc.

Also, try and relax. It's really hard to let someone else take care of your kids, especially if the situation isn't ideal. But if the kids are happy and safe, and you trust these sitters, try and make it work for everyone.

Good luck!


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## AmaraMonillas (Apr 7, 2010)

You have gotten lots of good replies already. I think it may be helpful to acknowledge to the sitters that your daughter likes to create her own version of your rules, and give a general idea of how they should deal with it.

As a nanny, I don't argue about what mom or dad allow, I just let them know what I am okay with (which is a step less lenient than what I would guess the parents would allow) It usually goes something like this: "Wow that is so fun your mom lets you eat as much chocolate as you want! While I am here you can have some yogurt with honey for dessert" or I tell them that I need their parent to tell me directly that something is okay and I will ask about it for next time.


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## MammaG (Apr 9, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *zebra15*
> 
> Im an adult as well. I've done daycare, babysat and nannied overnight for kids. Honestly, you are getting upset over the little things. If *I* saw those little bottles of paint, even today, I probably wouldn't know what they were really for and if the kid wanted to use them, that's what we would do. As a babysitter its MY JOB to keep the kids happy and safe. Unless you tell me directly - no painting- then there is a chance we will paint. Many many kids use one brush for all colors of paint, sometimes rinsing the brush in a cup of water. I don't always give a play-by-play to the parents of what we exactly did for the hours they were gone.
> 
> ...


Agreed! I was a nanny for years, too. Unless a parent says please don't touch x, y, or z, I assume that paint in view and described to me by the child as 'her special paint' is totally game. I might even assume that since it is her special stuff (not her sister's?) that she can glob it all over the place and use the brushes as she likes.

Also, unless told a child has some special outfit on, I assume that if it is on a child, it will get stained. And that will be OK, you know....how else do you know they had fun?! I guess I would try to keep the kids tidy within reason, but I would never sweat it if they got paint on the sleeves or mud on the knees. Nor would it have occurred to me to mention his to the parents.

Now, as a Waldorf homeschooler, I just happen to know what Stockmar paint is, but I'd never heard of it before our Waldorf journey began. I certainly would never have just guessed that they were special or needed special treatment.

I think that you have the responsibility to make clear what you expect. It can be uncomfortable to say something firmly "please do not bathe the children this evening", "please text us to ask before you start an activity using art supplies", "please do not go upstairs....their PJs are on the arm of the sofa", "please don't let the kids have any apples, I need them for a recipe tomorrow"; but if you have very specific requirements that no-one reasonably could guess, you should spell them out both for your comfort and the sitter's.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

I think I would have a hard time trusting their judgements. I can see that if your DD was saying those were hers then they would think it's okay. But I am the kind of person who would have pulled out the crafts down on kid level and said let's ask Mom about the special paints for next time. Their location on a shelf with other adult items would have tipped me off. But I tend to be very cautious about other people's belongings.

Also, I think one of them should have thought of rinsing the clothes or at least mentioning the stains.

I can see your annoyance but since you generally like them it might be worth one more shot, with a lot of clarification.


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## stephbrownthinks (Feb 2, 2010)

I agree with the PP's that this sounds like a communication issue. It sounds to me like the babysitter is trying to do a really good job by doing crafts, and bathing the kids. I did a lot of babysitting when I was younger and I felt like to do a "good job" I had to be engaging and entertain the kids every second. So baths were nice because they helped fill the time Like other people said, I'd be very specific about what you do and do not want to happen. And give the sitter some ideas like "I set out coloring books and crayons" or whatever it is. She'll probably appreciate having some guidance especially if she isn't very experienced.


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## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

Ouch, ruined stockmar paints. That would annoy me too.

But...they were in a craft area in view of a teen. I assume it was innocent. She used the things in view to entertain your kids.

It is okay to have things arranged the way you want and the way kids understand (i.e. I can't touch things on that shelf) but when you have a childcare provider you need to make it more obvious and explicit what can and cannot be done and what can and cannot be played with. So, you need to either have things that aren't "available" put away so they don't look available or clearly express what is available or not, i.e. no art projects without discussion etc.

I've always kept the stockmar paints away from the art area for this reason but I did loose a lot of good watercolor paper to scribbles because our nanny didn't know what it was. My mistake. Too me, it looked to "good/special" for someone to mistake it as regular scribble paper. Again, my mistake.

Again, honest mistake and an easy one for someone to make. I'd consider rearranging your supplies so the expensive goodies are hidden and be much more explicit with what can and cannot be done while you are gone.

As for the clothes, I would ask them to cover anything that gets really messy with water or if there isn't time to point out any potential stains to you so you can treat them before they set. But as for getting stains/paint on their clothes, that is normal childhood play.

As for the bath, your first statement was unclear. You didn't say yes or no so they did, and you didn't follow up about it. If you don't want them bathed, say so.

Are you fairly new to having babysitters, etc? It sounds like this might be part of the learning curve for you and them.


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## hopefulfaith (Mar 28, 2005)

I get where you're coming from - but I just wanted to throw this out there. If I had babysat at 15 or even if I were over at someone's house now (as a mom with two kids), if I saw paints out in plain view and the kids expressed an interest in painting, I would have let them. I don't know anything about the type of paint you mentioned (or anything about any art supplies except Crayola, really!). If the kids had paint on their shirts, I would have put them in the bathroom sink to soak and thought no more about it. It wouldn't have crossed my radar that the kids left the brushes in the paints or mixed them, either ---- but I'm not a serious art person.

Also, if you hadn't said _not_ to bathe them, I would have likely bathed them as well; I would have thought I was doing something nice for you, particularly if we are good enough friends that you wouldn't have minded if your kids were naked around me.

In fact, not only would I have done all of this, but I would have been happy with myself for playing with/doing art with the kids and actively engaging them & giving them a fun evening while you were out, and then having them ready for bed when you came home.

Be gentle with the mom/daughter - if I were in their shoes, I would have absolutely no idea that I had done anything amiss.


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## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

Quote:


> As an aside: It sounds like your daughter, at least, is telling you: "Quit decorating (i.e., teasing me) with the best art/craft supplies. If I can see them/know they're there, I want to USE them!" *and* "I want to be more free and exploratory with how I use art materials." In other words, it sounds like - when given the opportunity - she is repeatedly eager to get into the things you don't normally let her use; and also to delve into millions of stickers and mixing colors without authorization...


I had a similar moment of inspiration a few weeks ago looking at an amazing drawing/watercolor DS made at preschool. It was so much better, more vivid that what we did at home with our special paint. And I realized I was so careful about the rituation of the good stockmar paints and the wet on wet watercolor ritual and all that I was making the experience of watercolors less enjoyable than they could be. I've actually put them aside until I grow up enough to use them. In the meantime, I ordered some less expensive pre-mixed watercolor paints to give him the freedom he needs at this time.


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

The bath thing would bother me a lot, unless she said the kids got so dirty that a bath was really, super necessary. We also don't bathe my kids every night, and I would feel weird about another adult bathing my kids unless it was really super necessary.

The paint thing would annoy me, but I don't really blame the babysitter for it. It's hard to know what other families find acceptable and not acceptable as far as what kids are allowed to use.


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## SquidMommy (Jul 13, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *hopefulfaith*
> 
> Also, if you hadn't said _not_ to bathe them, I would have likely bathed them as well; I would have thought I was doing something nice for you, particularly if we are good enough friends that you wouldn't have minded if your kids were naked around me.


For me, when I babysat, I always tried to engage in projects that caused the least amount of "damage" - Something like paint would have been a nono for me, if only because of clothing/carpet issues that could happen. I didn't want to have a dry cleaner or Stanley Steemer on speed dial, and I was always careful to be respectful of the fact I was in An Adult's Home And Was Trusted. Made me cautious.

Having said THAT, if you're leaving your child (who you know tends to challenge rules when unfamiliar adults are around, thus creating more opportunity for havoc) in super-good-awesome clothing, well...what happens happens. The clothing could just as easily have been stained by spilled food or drink, mud or grass from playing outside, or marker smears from a more-innocent art project. You also said the duo who sits for you is lower-income. They may not have thought to Spray'n'Wash the stained clothing simply because that's a product they don't use in their own household. Same goes for the use of the art supplies - if it's swanky, special-use, special-directions stuff...well, a little kid probably won't explain that clearly, and if the sitter isn't familiar with it and kiddo is saying "go ahead! fun!"...well, the sitter might be compelled to roll with it.

The part that gets me, though - and this is colored through my own life experience, as well as where I work currently - is the bath. If there was even a squiggle of a doubt in my mind about whether or not the parents wanted me to remove a child's clothing and help them or watch them wash themselves, I absolutely would NOT do it. If the kid was particularly dirty, I'd do a wipedown, or, call the parents to find out if a bath was acceptable (ie, get permission) but no way was I going to deliberately run a bath, strip a kid, and chuck them in. Nudity and how parents handle bathing (for me) goes well beyond "oh, don't use the Fels Naptha on my kids, it dries them out." You might not have been crystal clear, but there was enough of a "no" in there that, because we're dealing with someone else's kids, should cause a reasonable sitter to err on the side of caution in terms of touching and nakedness. Again, just my highly-colored-perspective.


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


> The part that gets me, though - and this is colored through my own life experience, as well as where I work currently - is the bath. If there was even a squiggle of a doubt in my mind about whether or not the parents wanted me to remove a child's clothing and help them or watch them wash themselves, I absolutely would NOT do it. If the kid was particularly dirty, I'd do a wipedown, or, call the parents to find out if a bath was acceptable (ie, get permission) but no way was I going to deliberately run a bath, strip a kid, and chuck them in. Nudity and how parents handle bathing (for me) goes well beyond "oh, don't use the Fels Naptha on my kids, it dries them out." You might not have been crystal clear, but there was enough of a "no" in there that, because we're dealing with someone else's kids, should cause a reasonable sitter to err on the side of caution in terms of touching and nakedness. Again, just my highly-colored-perspective.


I agree with this. I mean, I have watched other people's kid's before and had to change a diaper, but bathing just seems so different than changing a diaper. Especially for the older child who I assume was out of diapers and pottying independently (or at least mostly independently). I would not bathe a kid unless explicitely instructed to do so, and even then I would be hesitant. I would think most normal kid messes could be cleaned up with just washing hands/face/arms, maybe running feet/legs under the bathtub. But a total, strip-down naked bath (unless you are talking an infant who smeared food all over their hair or something like that) is something I wouldn't feel comfortable with (as a sitter). I would think that sitters and a dealing with a child's nudity should be kept to only what is necessary for the child's care (ie. changing diapers, or a poop incident or maybe a major food mess), but not a bath "just because"


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ameliabedelia*
> 
> The bath thing would bother me a lot, unless she said the kids got so dirty that a bath was really, super necessary. We also don't bathe my kids every night, and I would feel weird about another adult bathing my kids unless it was really super necessary.
> 
> The paint thing would annoy me, but I don't really blame the babysitter for it. It's hard to know what other families find acceptable and not acceptable as far as what kids are allowed to use.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *SquidMommy*
> 
> The part that gets me, though - and this is colored through my own life experience, as well as where I work currently - is the bath. If there was even a squiggle of a doubt in my mind about whether or not the parents wanted me to remove a child's clothing and help them or watch them wash themselves, I absolutely would NOT do it. If the kid was particularly dirty, I'd do a wipedown, or, call the parents to find out if a bath was acceptable (ie, get permission) but no way was I going to deliberately run a bath, strip a kid, and chuck them in. Nudity and how parents handle bathing (for me) goes well beyond "oh, don't use the Fels Naptha on my kids, it dries them out." You might not have been crystal clear, but there was enough of a "no" in there that, because we're dealing with someone else's kids, should cause a reasonable sitter to err on the side of caution in terms of touching and nakedness. Again, just my highly-colored-perspective.


I have to say I'm really perplexed by this POV, I used to give kids baths when I babysat as a teenager all the time. It really wasn't a big deal, and it has never even occurred to me to be concerned about our sitter chucking our kids in the tub after she gives them dinner. Then again, my kids are really active and are often pretty messy eaters, so baths after dinner and right before bed are part of the regular bedtime ritual we have for them since they were toddlers. I've actually appreciated having our sitter take over for us when she comes over to watch the kids at night, it frees up time for us to get ready and get out the door. I also have lots of friends who do the same with their sitters, and I can see why the average babysitter may never stop to think that a parent would have a problem with such a thing, especially if the alternative is putting a dirty/messy kid to bed that night. I will also add that we have a great babysitter (she's 17) who is super responsible and who my kids absolutely adore, so we all feel really comfortable with her and trust her completely with the kids.

You haven't indicated that your kids had anything other than an enjoyable and safe encounter with the babysitter in question, and I really think it's safe to assume that you had some miscommunication problems that were perfectly innocent. I happen to believe that it's best to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the best of them as long as I don't feel any other reason to doubt their sincerity or their character, and especially when it comes to caregivers for my kids I prefer to focus on the relationship the caregiver has with them. If your kids seem to enjoy their time with this sitter and have a positive and friendly relationship with her I really don't think this misunderstanding is worth firing her over. I think the best approach would be to sit down with her and talk to her in person about what your expectations are and whatever house rules you may have (it couldn't hurt to even write them down for her so she has them to refer back to in the future, I did this with my MIL the first few times she babysat for us and it really worked well.) Talk to her about the bath thing if it really is a deal breaker for you, make sure she wasn't just trying to get your kids cleaned up prior to bedtime. And if there is stuff you don't want her utilizing with the kids when she is over than just make it disappear so that isn't a problem to begin with.

Good luck.


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## SquidMommy (Jul 13, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lolagirl*
> 
> I have to say I'm really perplexed by this POV, I used to give kids baths when I babysat as a teenager all the time. It really wasn't a big deal, and it has never even occurred to me to be concerned about our sitter chucking our kids in the tub after she gives them dinner. Then again, my kids are really active and are often pretty messy eaters, so baths after dinner and right before bed are *part of the regular bedtime ritual we have for them* since they were toddlers. I've actually appreciated having our sitter take over for us when she comes over to watch the kids at night, it frees up time for us to get ready and get out the door. I also have lots of friends who do the same with their sitters, and I can see why the average babysitter may never stop to think that a parent would have a problem with such a thing, especially if the alternative is putting a dirty/messy kid to bed that night. *I will also add that we have a great babysitter (she's 17) who is super responsible and who my kids absolutely adore, so we all feel really comfortable with her and trust her completely with the kids.*


I'm not saying put the kids to bed filthy-dirty. Even in my post, I advocated a wipedown - meaning, hands, arms, legs, feet - things that don't require a full strip-off. I am, however, saying that for me personally, I err on the side of caution as far as it comes to nudity and other peoples' children. Also, per the bolded in your post, you have a great, trustworthy babysitter who is responsible and who you feel comfortable with. Bathing is also part of your bedtime ritual (on what sounds like a daily basis) - for you, the bathing is part of your household's norm, and you have a mature person watching your kids, and apparently, some sort of understanding that bathing is expected. It sounds like it would be more-odd to NOT bathe your kids as a sitter. For the OP, it sounds like there's already some responsibility and trust issues beyond what I pointed out - which is that, for me only, I would not bathe another adult's children unless explicitly instructed to do so.

I realize my POV perplexes you - I will offer my explanation as, not everyone has positive experiences as children with nudity, "bath time", and people who are supposed to be caregivers. Hence my caution and squicky-feelings.


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *SquidMommy*
> 
> I realize my POV perplexes you - I will offer my explanation as, not everyone has positive experiences as children with nudity, "bath time", and people who are supposed to be caregivers. Hence my caution and squicky-feelings.


I can certainly understand if this is where you are coming from, except the OP never mentioned that she had any sort of previous negative associations with bathing that heightened her own concern wrt her kids. Like I said, I try to assume the best of people as long as I have no other reason to doubt them or their worthiness as a caregiver for my kid. When someone is working for you I think this means that you try to remain positive, non-judgmental or overly critical, because that will likely undermine the caregiver's confidence and their relationship with the kids for whom they will be responsible in your absence.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I haven't babysat for quite a long time, but am taking my daughter's sitting job in a few weeks while she runs the Raging Maniac. Even though I'm friends with the family, I will make sure to ask detailed questions about what's okay and what isn't!


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


> I can certainly understand if this is where you are coming from, except the OP never mentioned that she had any sort of previous negative associations with bathing that heightened her own concern wrt her kids


I don't have any previous negative associations with bathing, and I still definitely would not want a babysitter bathing my kids or dealing with their nudity unless it was absolutely necessary (like changing a diaper or a major poop accident or something). I realize they are just kids, but I would prefer that a babysitter not deal with their private parts unless it is essential. And, I don't believe a nightly bath is essential. Kids can certainly be wiped down and have hands/face/legs/feet/arms, etc. washed if they are dirty without having a full-strip down bath. And, as I said...I have no previous negative experiences with bathing or anything like that. I just feel that nudity around non-family members should be kept to a minimum. And, if I were a baby-sitter, I would feel uncomfortable giving a child a bath unless it was necessary or the parents specified it (just for my own protection from any type of accusation or anything like that).

I tend to assume the best of people as well, so I wouldn't assume anything was "wrong" if a babysitter gave my kids a bath, but I would greatly prefer they didn't, and if I were a sitter, I couldn't imagine doing that unless it was specified by the parents or if something majorly messy happened (like a poop explosion).


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ameliabedelia*
> 
> I don't have any previous negative associations with bathing, and I still definitely would not want a babysitter bathing my kids or dealing with their nudity unless it was absolutely necessary (like changing a diaper or a major poop accident or something). I realize they are just kids, but I would prefer that a babysitter not deal with their private parts unless it is essential. And, I don't believe a nightly bath is essential. Kids can certainly be wiped down and have hands/face/legs/feet/arms, etc. washed if they are dirty without having a full-strip down bath. And, as I said...I have no previous negative experiences with bathing or anything like that. I just feel that nudity around non-family members should be kept to a minimum. And, if I were a baby-sitter, I would feel uncomfortable giving a child a bath unless it was necessary or the parents specified it (just for my own protection from any type of accusation or anything like that).
> 
> I tend to assume the best of people as well, so I wouldn't assume anything was "wrong" if a babysitter gave my kids a bath, but I would greatly prefer they didn't, and if I were a sitter, I couldn't imagine doing that unless it was specified by the parents or if something majorly messy happened (like a poop explosion).


I think some of this also depends on the ages of the kids. As mine have gotten older, the need for daily bathing has increased (they are more active and more likely to get themselves pretty filthy, stinky, messy etc by the end of the day) but they have also increased their capacity to bathe themselves without any real need for help or intervention from a parent/caregiver. My two older boys have been able to bathe themselves pretty sufficiently without anyone needing to help them since age 4 or so, and the only reason to have an adult present is in case someone slips and falls or to herd them out of the bathroom when they are done.

I've also noticed since my kids were really little that evening baths right before bedtime helps them to calm down and eases them into bedtime better than anything else I've tried. I think there really can be something about sitting in warm water that can be very relaxing and calming at the end of a busy day, and it definitely does exactly that with my kids.

The thing that I also mentioned in my first post that I think helps explain what this particular sitter was thinking is that almost all of my local friends and acquaintances with kids do nightime baths right before bed for their kids as well. It's just extremely common for a whole lot of families, and if she has babysat for other families or gotten advice from other sitters she may very well be under the impression that it's just part of the drill when sitting for a family during the evening hours. It sounds like we do agree that it's fairer to give this girl the benefit of the doubt and not come down on her harshly for doing something she likely assumed was needed and was in fact helpful for the OP.


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## SquidMommy (Jul 13, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lolagirl*
> 
> The thing that I also mentioned in my first post that I think helps explain what this particular sitter was thinking is that almost all of my local friends and acquaintances with kids do nightime baths right before bed for their kids as well. It's just extremely common for a whole lot of families, and if she has babysat for *other families* or gotten advice from *other sitters* she may very well be under the impression that it's just part of the drill when sitting for a family during the evening hours. It sounds like we do agree that it's fairer to give this girl the benefit of the doubt and not come down on her harshly for doing something she likely *assumed* was needed and was in fact helpful for the OP.


This, in bold. My problem lies solely with the assumption that getting my kid nude and washing him/her is okay and accepted without checking in with me. AmeliaBedelia phrased it really well. What's good for the other family's goose is not good for my family's gander. If I wasn't sure what to do when I babysat, I always, always called the parents...maybe that made me an annoying sitter? I guess this is lesson learned: be crystal clear with any future sitters I hire!


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## FoxintheSnow (May 11, 2004)

I would be excited that she wanted to do crafts with the kids and just load up on cheap $ store paints and whatnot and just say "make sure you just use this stuff from now on, cause the other stuff is really expensive"


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I think the key is to remember that all families are different. Here, we always paint in "regular clothes" and never use aprons or anything. I don't care how the kids use the paints or how quickly they get mixed. IMHO, that's part of the fun. So you really can't say that a teen should "know better" or use "common sense". I'm sure she was doing what she thought was "right" based on either her experience or her encounters with other families. If you have different rules, then you need to tell the sitter about them. Especially now that you know there are differences you should be explicit about explaining your expectations. Its fine to say "If you want to do crafts, please use these supplies here. Anything that is out of child's reach is off-limits."

But I also think you should look at all of the positives here. The sitter was painting with you child -- not plopping her in front of the TV. The sitter was trying to entertain and engage your child. She was trying to make sure they went to bed clean and relaxed after a bath. Heck, she was doing stuff WITH your child, not sitting on her rump texting her boyfriend and completely ignoring your child. For me, this is the definition of a perfect sitter. Messy clothes and used art supplies are nothing compared to the value of a good sitter who plays with your kids and who your kids enjoy spending time with.


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom*
> 
> But I also think you should look at all of the positives here. The sitter was painting with you child -- not plopping her in front of the TV. The sitter was trying to entertain and engage your child. She was trying to make sure they went to bed clean and relaxed after a bath. Heck, she was doing stuff WITH your child, not sitting on her rump texting her boyfriend and completely ignoring your child. For me, this is the definition of a perfect sitter. Messy clothes and used art supplies are nothing compared to the value of a good sitter who plays with your kids and who your kids enjoy spending time with.


ITA with this!!!

A babysitter who actually engages with a child and does fun activities with them, and then actually cares enough to do more than just dump them into bed at the end of the day is worth working out any miscommunications as far as I'm concerned. I've had lousy sitters who sat on the couch and gabbed with her friends on her phone and clearly didn't care about my kids (and my kids didn't like her either) and I've had sitters who the very mention of their name lead my kids to squeal in delight. You can bet I'm sticking with the sitter my children love and who loves them back, she enjoys spending time with them and doing fun activities with them all day long, and I know she has my kids best interests at heart.

The nudity thing still isn't a big deal in my opinion (maybe it's the French in me) and again I would say talk to the babysitter about that sort of thing and explicitly spell out your expectations that she not bathe the kids if that is your hill.


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