# How to deal with post-exam trauma?



## Damien (Oct 13, 2004)

As a follow-up to a previous discussion, we went to a local OBGYN, had a checkup where they thought it was an ovarian cyst so scheduled for a sonogram to be sure, then had a sonogram a week later and were told they'd have the results in 3-5 days. Three days later I call the OBGYN to see if there was any news, the OB hadn't looked at the report yet and I was told that either they'd call or they'd send a postcard if everything was ok. Two days later (sonogram +5 days) they still had no news, don'tcalluswe'llcallyou. Another two days later I'm told that the OB was actually out most of the week but that she'd be back the following week and would be sure to check the report and let us know, don'tcalluswe'llcallyou. The following week I call on the Monday, same story. Then I call on Thursday and am told that no, she hadn't looked at it, but we really should expect these things to take four to six *weeks*, don'tcalluswe'llcallyou!









So two weeks after the sonogram, which is three weeks after the initial checkup, we're told that a) the doctor hasn't read the report yet, b) we should _expect_ to wait another 2-4 weeks, meanwhile my wife is a) experiencing pain, b) nervous like all hell. One of her nightmares is for something to go wrong with her reproductive system, and to be mistreated in that regard, which I'm sure is a nightmare of most women here. Needless to say, we were getting annoyed, in fact I was pretty livid.

So DW's sister suggested trying her OBGYN, that she's a very nice lady and has always been encouraging to her. So I try that. The OB herself didn't have an opening for new patients until July (three months away, this was in late April) but they had a space for the nurse-practitioner the following Friday, and that the nurse was very friendly and gentle. We accept the appointment then go through the hoops of getting a copy of the reports from the first OBGYN's office, along with a note on the information request saying "Very unhappy with service, transfering to a different OB".







:

The following Friday arrived and we got to the appointment. The office is quite friendly, there's pictures of babies everywhere and childrens toys, as compared to the previous OB's place which was like a gorram accountants office. We fill in the paperwork, which included a sign-off form regarding a well-woman visit, and after some debate DW decided to do it "to be good". Then we were greeted by one of the assistants/nurses who did some more paperwork and some initial questions. After that we were shown into the nurse-practitioner's office and proceed to more questions, many of which repeated the first nurses', which kinda defeated half of the point of having the first place.

Anyway, we talked about what was going on, DW explained about the pains. At one point DW said that the whole reason we were there was to get the results of the sonogram, to which the NP replied that she would cover that _after_ the exam. After some more chat the NP said it was time for the exam and to follow her to another room. The NP had suggested for me to stay in the office and wait but DW requested my presence, so on we went.

Once in the room (which did have more baby pictures, again unlike the other OB's office) she told DW to strip naked and put on the usual paper robe with the opening to the front. Because DW is so traumatized she asked if she can wear her shirt instead and the NP agrees after some pressure. The NP left to give DW time to get ready, during which time DW attempted to relax before what is coming. Just before the NP comeed back DW spied a set of drugs on the side table, one of which was a heavy-duty pain killer, which immediately upseted her further, and she only calmed again after the NP came back in and explained it was for a previous patient. The NP was confused by DW's reluctance to put on the paper outfit at all but explained she needed to have it over her lap.

At this point the NP requests DW lie down for the breast exam, which seemed to be ok. There was a bit of chair juggling on my behalf as I wasn't sure where to sit, but after that was done I moved over beside DW to hold her hand for the internal exam.

This is the part that DW is currently and will be traumatized about for some time. At this point the NP had the results from the sonogram so didn't need to do an internal exam per say, rather just the pap smear we had signed up for. While getting herself set up DW mentioned again that this was one of her nightmares, that she was extremely nervous about it and that the NP needed to be gentle. The NP pretty much blew off DW's concerns and said that there was nothing to be concerned about. As she was putting in the speculum either it got stuck or something because she started having to put her whole weight against it to get it in, she was pushing so hard on it that she was leaning _over_ DW. DW was obviously upset and had already repeated the request for her to be gentle, and was started to get so uncomfortable that she was holding back tears. Personally I was wondering when the NP was going to take out a lump-hammer to start whacking the speculum in, she was being so rough! It only took another few seconds for the NP to be finished, at which point she told DW to dress and come next door when she was ready.

When the NP left I attempted to hug DW as she was upset, but she quickly got dressed and went to the office to get the results. Once there we are told that it'll take about four weeks for the results to come back on the pap smear (which we didn't care about) but that initially everything seemed ok. As for the sonogram results, we were told that they diagnosed the pain to be caused by an ovarian cyst, which we had guessed at that stage anyway. We were told that there were a few treatments to do to avoid cysts, one of them was to take hormonal therapies, and which point the NP went on about them. DW threw in a question regarding the sex hormones (whether progesterone was the parent hormone to estrogen) which stumped the NP, she had no earthly idea. The discussion continued regarding the roles (as the NP understood it) that each hormone played in the body, and that progesterone, which was part of the hormone therapy, stopped your milk supply, etc. At this point DW threw in the little tidbit that DS was still mostly breastfed at 18 mos, so that pretty much ended that topic.

Shortly there after DW makes an offhand comment of DS being uncirc'd, as I was, at which point the NP "explains" that there are pro's and con's to both sides, for example that cirvical cancer was higher among women who had uncirc'd partners. A few other topics came up, including the fact that the NP didn't know what the OBGYN's c-section rates were, and the office has a limit of 40 weeks for pregnancies, i.e. if you go over 40 weeks they induce unless you put up a very strong fight. At this both DW and I were dump-founded, and we very quickly said our thank-yous and left as soon as we could. DW had been searching for a new OBGYN who would sign off on a homebirth, but there was no way we were coming back to that office with a) an uncaring and ungentle NP and b) a policy of 40 weeks. We paid our co-pay and left, and as we reached the car DW started to break down from what had happened.

At this stage, some two weeks later, DW is still extremely traumatized. Sex is painful for her now, but not pain around the entrance, rather on the _inside_. She wasn't very descriptive at the time, she was crying too much. She also feels very numb, like there was no feeling at all, which is very odd. She's wondering, along with the trauma, whether the nurse did any damage on the inside from being so forceful.

FYI, the cyst actually took care of itself, it popped the weekend _before_ this last checkup, so if only we'd been told three weeks earlier what was on the report DW never would have gone through the horrible checkup.

So, my answer to you, ladies and gentlemen of what seem to be the last vestige of sanity in this country, what do you recommend DW and I do to help her through her trauma? I'm going to be writing letters to both OB's offices telling them what-for, which might help DW a bit, but what else do you recommend?

Thanks everyone.

_disclaimer: some of the specifics might not be 100% accurate or gramatically correct, it has been two weeks since the event and I'm typing this while extremely tired._


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## cozymama (Apr 27, 2004)

..


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## Damien (Oct 13, 2004)

This thread has been moved: http://mothering.com/discussions/sho....php?p=3188287


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## mamalex (Mar 2, 2004)

After reading about DW's experience, I am sad to the point of tears, and I am ANGRY to the point of screaming and saying bad words!!!! That NP essentially assaulted, YES, sexually assaulted your wife. Your wife is probably feeling what many rape victims feel, and she should probably speak to a counselor. Unfortunately, this is common in the medical field, and I can't for the life of me understand it.

I'm not a medical practioner...BUT...When I worked for a certain large medical school, I assisted in teaching med students (and NP students!) about performing senstive exams. Many woman (1 in 3) are already victims/survivors of sexual assault, and often exams just compound this. We taught students that you can give an exam with their clothes on, and you can also give an exam in a semi-sitting position (AS OPPOSED TO LYING FLAT ON YOUR BACK.) Everyone reading this should ask to have their exams in this position. Ds just woke up...I'll post more later.


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## Damien (Oct 13, 2004)

Thanks mamalex.


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## Jenne (May 21, 2004)

How awful, awful, awful! I agree with the letters and the personal visit. Counseling might be good as well. Does your DW *have* to see an OBGYN? If y'all want a homebirth, why not find a wonderful, gentle, trustworthy, supportive, midwife instead? They can do well-woman care, TTC, and prenatals, sometimes in the comfort of not only your own home but your own clothes...







to your DW and you!

Jenne


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