# We lost our baby Tuesday



## MajaKatrina (Mar 29, 2005)

We lost the baby tuesday - I m forwarding you a couple posts I made to some online buddies on an expecting board, so you can know what happened, I am doing ok,

Before you read, it is a graphic post- also, it seems that the fluid loss I had a month ago, was actually amniotic fluid as I had suspected- The ultrasound I had at that point showed enough fluild around him, but the fluid replenishes itself. So this wasnt just some random fluke at 17 weeks, the hematoma I had weakened the sac, which ruptured early, and although I didnt realize it, i labored monday night, i was crampy and feeling weird- I had a major bought of fever the previous wed/thurs and saw a dr fri, had strep- the fever may have moved this along, but it was inevitable.

I've lost the baby
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I lost the baby this am... details below - graphic

I woke up this am at 5 to a gush of fluid, just as i had experienced 4 weeks ago, to the day - I made it to the toilet, sat down, and my second son was born into my hand, so tiny he could fit in my palm. He was attached by the cord- which after a few minutes of sitting there in total shock, i broke with my fingernails - a perfectly formed little boy, who had already passed- lay in my hand. I was alone in the house with my kids, who where still sleeping. I called Ray, the baby's Daddy, and told him what had happened, and called my parents, so my mom could watch my kids and my dad take me to the ER - i hadnt passed the placenta. I began bleeding heavily tho, before my parents got here and called 911 - I lost quite a bit of blood and am glad i let them transport me. Ray met me there and gave me strenght, he is an awesome man, and his presence made me know we could survive this. At the hospital my wonderful OB came to treat me, so i didnt need to have the ER staff do it. Since the bleeding was still quite heavy and my cervix was still open, she was able to extract the placenta there in the ER without needing to do and op with general.

She was kind and caring, i will never forget that.

In retrospect, my post of 4 weeks ago, thinking i'd lost fluid, was true- what happened 4 weeks ago was almost the same as this morning, the fluid was the same, so I must have had PROM at 13.5 weeks, and carried to 17.5 weeks.

I didnt take the baby with me to the hospital, i want to be able to bury him here, not be thrown away with their hazardous waste-

My son doesnt know yet, both kids are at school, i am sad to have to tell him, he was so loving to this new life, and looking forward to being a big brother.

This was a miracle, unexpected pregnancy...I cherish the short time I had with him, and am devestated and saddened by the loss. It wasnt in Gods plan it seems to have this little soul with us on earth, but instead in Heaven to watch over us.

TY all for being the special support you are, and Im going to still lurk here, maybe someday i will rejoin you.

Catherine
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Little Boy angel born to heaven 4/19/05

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What's next for me, update on my loss

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Thank you all for your overwhelming support and kind words. I am grieving, Ray is grieving, and my children are grieving, but we are holding together. My parents have been wonderful and supportive, I couldnt ask for more.

Ray and i have decided to name our son Daniel, he will be buried in my backyard, and have a tree planted next to him, his tiny body can help nourish and grow a big pine tree for the next 100 years.

Although this baby was unplanned, and some may think we are too old to active go about trying to conceive(I am 40 and he is 49) , we will allow nature to take its course, I wont chart and plan and obsess, but if we are able to conceive through the joy of the lovemaking we share, we will gladly accept the gift given to us, and rejoice once again in the miracle of life.

I am thankful I was able to birth him at home, and save his little body here, as the hospital wouldnt have considered him a 'baby' but a fetus, and would have 'disposed' of his precious body in some other way.

I feel blessed for the short time he was with me, and the love that surrounds him, I feel that love uplifting me and keeping me strong.

I do hope to join you again soon, if that is God's will, if not, I will still rejoice for you all in the births of your precious babies.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart,

Catherine
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## Diane~Alena (Aug 23, 2004)

**TEARS** no words







:


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

My heart aches for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and so is your son, Daniel and his daddy Ray. Take care of yourself.


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## 5plus1angel (Oct 4, 2004)




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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

catherine,
i am so saddened to read your words, it is so unfair that such a loving, wonderful mother cannot be with her son...
i just don't understand this!
i am so sorry for your loss, for Ray's loss, and for your son Daniel.
your strength that i read in your words is such a gift, and thank you for sharing your story. you'll be in my thoughts today...


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## juju's mom (Mar 30, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. You now have an angel and may you always feel him close to you. I am praying for you and your family.

Jenn
baby girl julia


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## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

Catherine,









I am so sorry.


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## sarah9774 (Feb 19, 2005)

I am so sorry you had to join us here.. I am glad though that you could come and share little Daniel with us.. I am in my third month of grieving my son Luke who was born still at 40 weeks and 1 da y, and whenever, I read about another loss the pain magnifies again.. I hope that you will find support here, there are some wonderful women here.. take care

Sarah


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## aswbarry (Jan 31, 2005)

Catherine,
So sorry that you lost your baby Daniel. You will be in my thoughts and heart. Please share as much as you need to here.
Angela


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## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

The details of my loss occurred much like yours. DH and I also did the very same with our child, we buried him under the largest oak tree around. We wanted him to live on there.

I'm so sorry about your son. There is nothing anyone can say to make it easier, but my thoughts are with you in your grief.


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## PortraitPixie (Apr 21, 2005)

You will see him again. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I am sorry you lost Daniel. thank you for sharing your son with us.

we also buried our daughter under a tree and it brings me great joy to see the tree growing and the buds of new life on it. i hope that your tree brings you joy as well.

take extra care of yourself

tara


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## wheezie (Sep 18, 2004)

*tears* and









I'm so sorry.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

Catherine, my heart goes otu to you, Ray and your sons. Prayers for peace for your heart. I am so sorry you had to join us.


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## CB73 (Apr 16, 2005)

Such a strong person.
I have no real words, but am sending you my loving, supportive thoughts.
I am sorry for your loss.
Peace.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

Catherine,

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Jen


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

I have had many regrets and sorrows in my life, but G-d has spared me this one. Yet I have no advice, just love and







s for you and







.


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## CarolynnMarilynn (Jun 3, 2004)

I am so sorry about the loss of your son.


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## MajaKatrina (Mar 29, 2005)

Thank you guys for the prayers and well wishes, I am holding up pretty well, hoping my fertitly returns quickly so we can try again.

TY again

catherine


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## kbridi (Mar 16, 2005)

I am so sorry, Catherine.


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## Black Orchid (Mar 28, 2005)

No words can express how sorry I am for your loss.


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