# sassy 2 year old, need suggestions!



## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

Hi. I'm kinda at a loss here. My 2 year-old dd is a spunky little tyke and I don't mind for the most part. I really do not want to crush her little spirit and I admire her headstrong ways BUT she recently has started talking back in a way I find unacceptable. I need suggestions for handling this. She's got a pretty extensive vocabulary so she can sass back with accuracy.







: No spanking, we haven't even done time-outs yet... I've just tried to explain to her that that is not a nice way to talk and that I don't want her to talk like that to mommy. I've tried to give her examples of more constructive ways to re-
word the same request, toning down the demandingness of her voice. That "mama! Juice! NOW!" can be phrased nicely as "Can I have some juice please?"
We need to work on her tone as well as the actual words because she does really have a sassy, yelling kindof quality happening. I listened to myself make requests of dh to see if she was picking that up from me and I swear that she's not. I've actually told her twice now that I would not talk to her while she was talking to me that way and walked away. I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not. My dh seemed to think I was being too harsh because he overheard her making her two stuffed animals talking to each other and it seems she was recreating our conversation. "you not talk very nice.. .don't talk to me", etc. I didn't say "don't talk to me" but that must've been how she felt. I make sure I tell her I love her but that I don't like how she's acting.
Anyone have any insight into this??
Thank you!


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I think you're doing just fine...and it's great that your dd uses her animals to help her work through things.


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## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

Just keep working on the questions.

Goo has learned to ask nicely. This means a question and a please. She will sometimes yell "I want a cookie" and my response is "That's nice". She will look at me and then say " Can I please have a cookie mommy?" and I will thank her for asking nicely and give her the cookie.

We simply remind that we have to ask and speak nicely to others because that is how we want to be spoken to ourselves. It takes time, but it does work... the fact that she is working it out with her animals is a good thing. She is telling her one animal, "I don't want you to talk if you don't talk nicely." She is learning how to work with others....

THe other thing you can do is not think of it as sass. She is LEARNING how to communicate. She may know words, but she doesn't quite know how to use them in an acceptable manner. She knows what NOW means and she knows that sometimes, you may ask her to do something now and expect it to get done. IT's so hard to remember that just because they can talk, little kids don't have the skills yet to communicate


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## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

I think I do sometimes have expectations that are too high because she IS so verbal. Once kids start to talk and relate to you in more the way you're used to adults relating you can easily make the mistake that they know all the things adults take for granted. Thanks for the reminder that just because she has the words doesn't mean she understands all the subtleties of using them.









I notice my dh saying "Ella, be nice to the dog" when she's playing with our dog a little too enthusiastically and I keep meaning to tell him that she probably DOES think she's playing *nice* with the dog... because she's not hitting or feeling angry. That she needs more SPECIFIC information. "Ella, the dog doesn't like it when you put her in a headlock".









How do you handle direct refusals to do something? "Stop screaming in the car"
"NO! (screamed at ear-piercing frequency)
I think this was one of the times that I told her that I wouldn't talk to her unless she could talk nicely but I really considered opening the window and tossing her and the carseat out. (Just kidding but you know what I mean).
I find it so aggravating to be defied directly like that even though I know better than to get into a power struggle with a 2-year-old.


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## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

WE have used the family concept. We work together as a family. This means sometimes I do things for Goo when I want to do something else and sometimes she needs to do something for me when she wants to do something else.

If we hit a real struggle (like this morning, we hit the "I want syrup on my waffle" one), we do one of two things. We remind her that crying and screaming has the opposite effect. It makes mommy and daddy upset and we are LESS likely to give her what she wants. The other thing we do is distractions. Somedays, it isn't worth the lesson and it's better to suddenly say "Hey Goo, is it sunny or cloudy out today?" we will often get a huh? followed by a discussion of the weather.

Yes, power struggles suck and I often get into a situation where I have to stop and say "what is the point of what I am doing?" If it is a valid point, then I continue, if it isn't we distract.

Goo is also very verbal. many people think she is a 3 or older child who is small. I constantly have to remind myself that we have to teach her how to act and what is and isn't acceptable... it's a hard thing to remember


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

This is something my DH and I used to argue about. I'd be thrilled simply by the fact that she is using her words -- using them nicely can be worked on later, IMO. When my 2 year olds spoke rudely, I just counted myself lucky that I wasn't being kicked or bitten!

But my DH, OTH, turns on his heel and walks out of the room when the kids spoke to him that way -- even at age 2. If they followed him, he simply said, "I'll talk to you when you are being nice to me." I found it harsh. However, years later.... the kids tend to be more respectful toward him than toward me, and I am 2nd guessing myself. Maybe his way was better!

Even still -- I wonder if her communications skills have not caught up to her verbal proclivity....


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