# joining you



## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

Yesterday I was 9w5d pregnant and I started bleeding so I went to the ER and there was no heartbeat. I decided to go ahead and get the D&C right away since we are currently out of town staying with my parents so they were able to care for dd while I was at the hospital. They said to wait until I've had 2 regular periods before trying to conceive again. So I guess that's where we're at. This is my first loss so I really don't know anything about this. Is there anything I should be doing to help my body heal? thanks

ETA: I wanted to add that I had the D&C last night. I know there was no heartbeat but I still have a tiny "what if" in my mind. The doctor told me that they usually have to do D&C if you're beyond 8 weeks and I didn't want to go back home only to start some serious bleeding and have to come right back. Does that all sound okay? I really don't know much about this whole thing so I was just going with what they told me.

I must say, I'm also feeling a bit frustrated. I understand these things just happen, but all these women in my family never had miscarriages and I'm young and very health conscious, you would think I'd have all healthy pregnancies. My mom had 2 pregnancies, 2 healthy babies. My aunt had 3 pregnancies, 3 healthy babies. My MIL had 2 pregnancies, 2 healthy babies. This really just sucks.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

Oh Chrissy, I am so sorry for your loss.







I hope your body heals itself quickly. I am not sure what to expect with a D&C, but there are others that had it and can give you advice. I am too now waiting for my body to right itself so that I can TTC again. I had a m/c at 5 weeks, and most of the physical symptoms are fading now, but my mood and temperatures are still all over the place.


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## fazer6 (Jan 26, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss and sorry you had to join us. Some people decide to start again straight away, others decide to wait a few months, it's up to you what you decide. Helping your body heal, well I think that will look after itself if you just generally eat healthily, keep up with the folic acid though as you will be TTC again. Take one day at a time and you'll slowly start to heal. The pain never goes away, you just learn how to live with it.


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

Thanks for the responses. I'm sorry for your losses as well.

I think I'll just start charting again to see if my cycles get back to normal. We conceived on a weird long cycle so I was nervous from the start. That and my lack of symptoms, I never really felt pregnant and I guess I saw it coming.

And just a question, but did you 2 do anything special to remember the baby?


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## fazer6 (Jan 26, 2009)

I haven't been brave enough to go an pick up Isabel's ashes yet. When I do I plan to get a necklace of a mother and child which you can store some ashes in. I think I might also put in some beach from the place that was my 'special place' used for the hypnobabies during the birth. I also plan to have her photo tattoed on my hip, and then I will have a foot or handprint tattooed for all subsequent children.

There's loads of memory jewlery you can get, I think there's a thread for it in here somewhere.


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## maemaemama (Oct 10, 2007)

so sorry for your loss...


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I'm sorry. I just recently joined this group as well, and I can relate to your frustration. I can't stop myself from searching and searching for a reason, though I really doubt I'm going to find one.

My mother had three miscarriages, but one of those was when she was 42, and she also had 6 healthy pg/babies. I think the fact that the women in your family didn't have as many babies probably lowered their chances, IYKWIM.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

Chrissy,







I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I was(am) so frustrated and angry as well. I think though m/c are a lot more common that people think because a lot of earlier ones go completely unnoticed. So even your relatives may have had some and just didn't know. I know my mom had no clue what her "weird periods" were.
I have been thinking about what I wanted to do to remember this -as I m/cd really early before even ever seeing anything. So I do not know if it was a boy, or a girl, or if there wasn't anybody there. I decided I will plant a beautiful red rose bush to remember this.







That would be my way to honor the memory of this little peanut...


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.









Sometimes you can't help those 'what-if' feelings. We have all had them, but don't let them get to you. And I agree with the PP, years ago women had miscarriages and didn't even know it. Just thought it was a heavy period. If you talk with some other mamas around you I bet you will be surprised at the number.


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## TTC Catholic (Jul 7, 2008)

haleyelianasmom,








I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my precious Aiden at eight weeks and five days, exactly one week before you lost your precious baby. That happenned three months ago, and the pain is as raw as the day it happened (I still cry every day for my baby).

I, too, had a D&C. I couldn't bear carrying my deceased child or waiting to see him (or her) pass. Although I'm terrified of general anestheisa, I made sure I was completely put under because I couldn't bear to be given spinal anesthesia, where I may be awake and remember my baby being removed.

I am far more concerned about your emotional healing. The physical healing will come, for sure. And if the ultrasound didn't pick up a heartbeat by nine and a half weeks, there is no doubt. You do not need to ask yourself "what if?" I don't mean this to be harsh; I'm just trying to help you understand that you did the right thing.

Please know that you are in my prayers, and all of us at Mothering.com are here to support you and help you through this. I have no doubt that physically, you will be fine. As I said, I am far more concerned about your emotional well being and your husband's emotional well being.

If you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to PM me or e-mail me at [email protected]. Don't forget; that is why we are all here - to help you through this.

God bless you,
Kristin Cortez


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

Big hugs mama and lots of healing vibes heading your way


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

Thanks so much for your kind words. The only memory I have of this little one is the small blurb I saw on the screen as she did the abdominal ultrasound. When the sonographer did the vaginal ultrasound, the screen was moved away. My husband told me he could see the head, it wasn't very clear, but he got a better look than I did. He didn't tell me at the time, but he saw them zoom in and the flatline, no movement.

My mom has a bonsai tree and I feel like I'd really like a little tree like that to remember the babe by. Planting a rose bush sounds beautiful, but we're hopefully moving soon as my husband is looking for a new job out near my family.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

My dh buried our little fetus in our indoor orange tree. I am glad I was able to see it and say goodbye, but on the other hand, the reminder is pretty painful.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

I just need to vent. i think I want to scream. I think I hate most people in this world. Why is everyone so heartless? I need to get back in at an OB to be rechecked, but I've called 2 places and they are just pretty damn rude about it. We used to live in one area about 1.5 hours away and the last time I've used an OB was there when I had my daughter in 2005. I don't have an OB here yet. So I call the places here and they're like "well, you'd be a new patient and it would be really hard for us to get you in in the next 2 weeks" so I call the OB I used to have and that woman was just nasty saying "well, if you haven't been here in FIVE YEARS (um, 3.5) you'd be a new patient and we're scheduling new patients into may so your best bet is to just see someone out in your area" AHHHHH I hate people. I guess the only requirements to get a job as an OB receptionist is that you have to be a total heartless bitch and when someone tearfully says they had a miscarriage, you have to respond "so you didn't KNOW you were pregnant or you just hadn't seen a doctor yet????" F--- off bitch. seriously. I'm seriously at the end of my rope dealing with assholes in life. my husband has a shitty job and he's left to work in the clinic alone every afternoon because god forbid the boss works a full day ever and he has no help from the support staff so he's running around crazy because no one wants to work and he's trying so hard to get another job but who knows and we have no friends or family here and our house is crappy and everything just sucks.

Sorry, I really needed to get that out.


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## btmama (Feb 14, 2009)

I hope you find the medical support that you need.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I'm so sorry! That sucks. I would get mad and call back your OB and let them know, in no uncertain terms, that you ARE a patient there, and that you need either a recommendation or an appointment...or else. I don't know what the "or else" could be, but do you have an Angie's List in your area? Maybe you could mention complaining on there, or something else.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *haleyelianasmom* 
I must say, I'm also feeling a bit frustrated. I understand these things just happen, but all these women in my family never had miscarriages and I'm young and very health conscious, you would think I'd have all healthy pregnancies. My mom had 2 pregnancies, 2 healthy babies. My aunt had 3 pregnancies, 3 healthy babies. My MIL had 2 pregnancies, 2 healthy babies. This really just sucks.

you're right. it definitely sucks. i quote you because i was JUST thinking what you wrote today! I don't know personally anyone in my family that has had a miscarriage, although it is very common. in fact, i was suprised. it helps to know i'm not alone-well i had a 22 week loss (technically not a miscarriage, but...). it is very hard, but you can get through this. i know you can.







s. i am sorry you're here, but glad you found us.
i recommend a multi-vitamin, but i didn't take one after my loss. i wish i would have, i read suggestions on that just recently. hopefully other mamas can help you out with that.


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

Hey... what do you all think about this... I was pretty sure my blood type was O+. The hospital had me tested and told me I was in fact A+ right before they wheeled me in for the D&C. Well, when I got home I looked through some medical records and they said I was O+. So just to be sure, I bought those test cards that tell you your blood type and THEY said I was O+, too. PLUS, my dad is definitely O+ and my mom is almost positive she's O+, too.

This really scares me because what if there was some problem and I needed a transfusion while I was there? It would have killed me. Yikes. I sent an email to some quality care address through the hospital just to let them know. Scary.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

Yikes! and







Sorry that you had to go through all this.


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## bdoody11 (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *haleyelianasmom* 
That and my lack of symptoms, I never really felt pregnant and I guess I saw it coming.

I didn't have any symptoms either when I miscarried my October baby and on some level knew things were'nt right, however, it still hurts so badly.







to you, Mama.


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## Tear78 (Nov 28, 2008)

haley, I'm so sorry! It sounds like you have had an awful experience with the medical care in your area. I'm so glad you didn't need blood while there!!!







Are you feeling any better now?


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## Materfamilias (Feb 22, 2008)

I lost the baby before DD and had the D&C too, but I was always doing the "what if" thing, too. I mean, on an intellectual level I knew there was no heartbeat, but in retrospect I often wish I'd just let nature take her course, KWIM?
So hard. I hope you're doing OK...


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

To be honest, I really had bad feelings about the pregnancy, I think on some level I knew the babe was gone. And my husband saw the screen when they were doing the ultrasound and he said there was a flatline and no movement. i saw the lack of movement before she moved the screen so i couldn't see. I really know that pregnancy wasn't going to work out.

The only thing that still worries me is whether or not my body will be negatively affected by the D&C. I'm doing okay, though. I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow to be rechecked.


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