# Fess up! What do you do that doesn't jive with attachment parenting and/or natural family living?



## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

I think most all of us believe that attachment parenting and natural family living is the best way to live and parent. However, there are certainly things that we disagree about and/or things we do not do for a variety of reasons. I'm the first to admit that I am far from the perfect AP/NFL parent and I think it's safe to assume that no one is 100% attachment parenting and natural family living all of the time. And I think that is okay. So, this thread is for sharing our shortcomings. What do you do that isn't AP/NFL?

I'll go first.

We drive an SUV.

We occasionally go to fast food restaurants.

We eat very little organic food.

We have a chlorinated pool.

I had all my babies in the hospital and I had a couple of pain-medicated births.

I had ultrasounds.

I weaned all my children when they were two, give or take a few months.


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## LLQ1011 (Mar 28, 2012)

LOL I love this.

I let my son watch tv every day

we selectively vaccinate

eat fast food ( not too often)

I can't think of anything else but I am sure there is so much more.


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## Moonridden (Mar 12, 2012)

I had ultrasounds in all of my pregnancies.

This baby will be born in a hospital (others were at home, but I'd have to have an illegal home birth here, and I'm not entirely comfortable with that).

Delay/selective vax.

My kids are allowed quite a bit of screen time. Not so much television, but devices/computers.

Not all of my cleaners are green. Some - like laundry and dish detergent - are, but toilet cleaners and shower scrub, no.

My kids are currently attending public schools.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

Before my son was born I was an AWESOME attachment parenting mom. Afterwards, I was like, "Can I get a ROBOT to take care of him?????" Lol.

I try but we are not perfect. He eats sweets every day and we watch a ton of TV.


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## LLQ1011 (Mar 28, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Moonridden*
> 
> I had ultrasounds in all of my pregnancies.
> 
> ...


Oh yeah i had so many ultrasounds in my ultra high risk pregnancy as well as pain meds and lots of other meds. during pregnancy and birth

Aside from white vinigar none of my cleaners are green


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

This is good.

Let's see.

She watches T.V., we all do. I like T.V., there I said it. Hate commercials, but like watching some shows, we all do in this little family. (But I also like to have lots of time without the set on, very firm about that.)

We eat a great mix of things and sometimes that includes soda, cookies, chips, candy. Used to be so hardcore, but couldn't keep up with my own self and actually didn't want to, it's in moderation, but more than it used to be which was none.

She has had all rounds of tetanus vax and I don't feel bad about it, might actually get the polio, too.

This about sums it up, but I'd say all in all I am way more laid back about everything than I used to be, I do what I want and don't stress out so much as I used to!


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Love this post! I feel like sometimes we all need a reminder that what we do is normal even if it's not 100% AP/NFL all the time...

I do soooo much that is AP compared to most of my family & friends and then I sometimes feel like I do so little when I compare to other NFLer's.

We too love our TV here. It's on too much sometimes and then not at all other times. I'm ok with it. My kids could count in Spanish before English, my second could count in Japanese for a while too... TV can't be all that bad









We allow junk. And probably go to McD's too much. But it's cold here 6-10 months a year and the only indoor playground.

We live a town driven by oil and gas and we travel a lot by car for things/appt.

Our first child was a typical "baby story" birth, our second was the complete opposite. If/when we manage to have a third, there are no midwives here and I don't feel comfortable birthing alone or with a "traditional birth attendant" so it will be hospital again. I'm ok with that









We public school but skip preschool.

We use store bought toilet paper and paper towel and non green cleaners most of the time, although I do like using vinegar and baking soda.

I prefer the ease of store bought feminine products but like having cloth for back up. Same with diapers.


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## ColoradoMama626 (Apr 30, 2011)

Great post! My family all think I am super nuts but I have given in quite a bit, especially now I Have the twins.

Candy at our household! I need it to get through my day!

SUV

Fast food sometimes - it makes me feel horrible but oh those fries feed my soul!

Some not green cleaners- but I never clean so it's okay


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## ColoradoMama626 (Apr 30, 2011)

And disposable diapers-I know Im horrible!


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ColoradoMama626*
> 
> And disposable diapers-I know Im horrible!


*GASP!!!!!* lol ;-)


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## rachelsmama (Jun 20, 2005)

Jell-o. (I really love the stuff). And marsh mallows too, sometimes even the coloured ones. And my kids hear the word "no" a lot, sometimes at great volume.


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## Jennyanydots (Sep 8, 2011)

my 2 year old spent an hour playing with the ipad yesterday. I had to bring him to work with me and it ended a meltdown. I confess, this was not the first time... not even the first time this week! eep!!


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## mamabear0314 (May 13, 2008)

DH and I are movie lovers and we let the boys watch tv a lot. Nothing with commercials, we have DVDs of stuff. I use leappads to keep everyone calm during "quiet time" so I can breathe for a minute. We use sposies at night.

ETA: Oh and we don't allow "unlimited, unrestricted" food. We don't have money to let the kids eat all day and with 3 boys, they would.


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## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

I did disposables for awhile and then discovered the wonderful AIOs. I still used disposables when out and about.


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rachelsmama*
> 
> And my kids hear the word "no" a lot, sometimes at great volume.


Yes, this too!


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

I sometimes yell, even scream. It feels really good during the adolescent period. Terrible role modeling!


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

I had about a bajillion ultrasounds with my last baby (who was my first planned hospital birth) and now she is eating baby food out of pouches because I don't have time to make sure we are eating something she can have with every meal and she likes them.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

I could probably just copy some of the PPs!

DH and I both drive 4WDs. I *love* my Land Rover.

We used some disposable nappies for our first DD but we have used *all* disposables for DD2.

Too much sugar.

Occasional fast food.

Too much TV.

I am cranky and intolerant of normal 3yo behaviours too often.

I am severely limiting my 3yos breastfeeding due to a profound aversion.

No green cleaners here. I even bought a packet of special wipes to clean the glass shower screen









I don't automatically medicate a fever but i don't hesitate to give neurofen if they are feeling miserable.

Some of those I am working on changing but others I'm good with and have no plans to change.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Totally going to add...

My kids are long out of diapers... I still buy cases of Huggies baby wipes. They help me keep my house clean.

We are often a bit too loud when it comes to discipline










I bake/decorate cakes and I use regular gel icing colors.

I may be back again...


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *delightedbutterfly*
> 
> I may be back again...


Me too. I certainly didn't mean to suggest that yelling is the ONLY thing I do!


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I had ultrasounds with my pregnancy, sometimes get loud, my DD is fully vaccinated, I have almost no green cleaners in my home, and most of my dd's toys are plastic (wood has a texture that creeps me out).


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

I say no a lot, but I don't think that jives against being AP. I see people mistaking permissive parenting for AP quite often.

We watch TV and eat sugar.

We used sposies on occasion.

I had 3 hospital births.

I would have an u/s if I had another baby (I can't) because my last had a missed near-previa that even scared my mw when the placenta came out. The first u/s missed it.

We use Western medicine when needed (abx, etc.).


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

Okay, my toddler watched 4 Maisey videos on the computer when I needed to pack up the house
When I get triggered emotionally, I sometimes forget to mindfully think. The other day My 2 year old grabbed one of his organic squeezy food pouch to eat but I needed to put his bib on so I said"give it to mama please " as I grabbed it and he started to yell while not letting go(squeezed harder) and I said numerous times"give it to me" and he wouldn't so the whole thing got squeezed all over both of us(blueberry...on my new shirt) all because I was being controlling.


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

Oh, yes, disposable wipes of any kind here. Hiney wipes, cleaning wipes, Swiffer wet pads......I use it all. And I tell myself it's because I'm "busy."


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My kids are vaccinated.

I think of myself as being permissive with snacks and unhealthy food but I think I'm actually pretty careful with that. They get a bit of garbage here and there but it's small amounts and occasionally. Maybe I'm middle of the road here.

Public school. I love it.

I'm fine with technology. One of my kids has an iPad and the other has a smaller and less expensive tablet. They don't use them constantly, but they can use them as they wish. The older one uses hers as an e-reader so she uses it pretty often as she reads a LOT.

I will keep thinking about this.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *dauphinette*
> 
> Oh, yes, disposable wipes of any kind here. Hiney wipes, cleaning wipes, Swiffer wet pads......I use it all. And I tell myself it's because I'm "busy."


One warning on the swiffer wet pads - I got some as a baby present (making cleaning easier) and I did love them until they made my cat sick. She would walk on the floor, clean herself by licking her paws, and get sick. So now I use the swiffer mop thing but I just use rags on made wet it with a less harsh cleaner. (Mother Meyers cleaner.) The pads are awesome for convenience, and cleanliness is important to me and if you need convenience to get there I get it, but watch any pets you have and if they get sick then consider that as a possible source.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

This morning we have already watched two hours of TV and it is only 10am. Insert smiley with bag over head!!


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamazee*
> 
> One warning on the swiffer wet pads - I got some as a baby present (making cleaning easier) and I did love them until they made my cat sick. She would walk on the floor, clean herself by licking her paws, and get sick. So now I use the swiffer mop thing but I just use rags on made wet it with a less harsh cleaner. (Mother Meyers cleaner.) The pads are awesome for convenience, and cleanliness is important to me and if you need convenience to get there I get it, but watch any pets you have and if they get sick then consider that as a possible source.


Hm, that is very interesting for 2 reasons.

1. My dog has been having a paw issue.

2. I just saw at the store the washable re-usable cloth pads that you wet yourself and considered buying a few.

Now I think I will, thanks for the boost!


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamazee*
> 
> Public school. I love it.


I definitely like public school a lot more than I thought I would. We'll see as years go by if I still stay as happy with it, but for now it's great.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *dauphinette*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


Me too! I wanted to homeschool so bad, but my health at the time kept me from it. Now? My health is better and I'm loving public school! It doesn't help that homeschooling is being ruined for my by a couple friends and the way they are falling into "sterotypical" traps without realizing it. Of course I have lots of other amazing role models that I would love to follow, but they aren't local.

My kid LOVES school and I love our school and because of everything else my views have changed to loving public school while loving the ideal of homeschooling but being very happy with where we are!

Oh and totally editing to add:

We do ultrasounds and doppler too! I forgo other stuff in pregnancy but I prefer to have as much information as possible so that we can choose our care accordingly. I like the idea of not doing it, but I need control too much to not


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## Soul-O (Mar 14, 2004)

The list is long!

1. My kids are fully vaxed.

2. All six of my births took place in a hospital. Three of them included pitocin and epidurals.

3. Most of our food is non-organic.

4. We are 50/50 cloth vs. disposable diapers.

5. My kids watch TV every day.

6. Public schools all the way







.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Coming back to add

- 20 week USS in both pregnancies and several growth scans the second time around

- two caesars (although not by choice) and both were intended to be hospital births

- I wouldn't go past 42 weeks with either babe

- we happily use western medicine as needed and, in fact, both have careers in western medicine

- we have a good proportion of plastic toys (because wooden toys are so expensive)


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

-I only wore DD for about 6 months because she has always been a chunker, my back couldnt take it

-she is fully vaccinated and occasionally gets children's tylenol

-some of my makeup is non-organic and we use colgate toothpaste

-organic food is too pricey for us

-she drinks soda sometimes and eats candy on occasion

-i like windex

-i weaned her at 2, i couldnt take the comfort nursing anymore

-youtube videos are fun


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## Nightwish (Sep 9, 2008)

tsk-tsk

You should read this thread and follow the example of some real AP mamas









http://www.mothering.com/community/t/289877/the-im-crunchier-than-thou-thread


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## Moonridden (Mar 12, 2012)

That thread is amazeballs.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

I fail at AP!


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

"....and I live in a hollowed out gourd."

LOL!


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nightwish*
> 
> tsk-tsk
> 
> ...


This thread is unbelievably hilarious!! I havent laughed that hard in awhile. I had to add my own crunchy comment


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## naturemami3 (Jul 8, 2013)

Hi everyone! I am a brand new member and you are cracking me up! So glad I signed up! It's nice to know we are all really somewhere in the middle. As I drive through both Starbucks and McDonald's tomorrow, I will do so with a bigger smile ...and a lighter heart. And I will rest easy knowing that just because I sometimes blast the radio and pretend I can't hear my little chatterboxes, that doesn't mean I am not a loving mother. Thanks, mamas!


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## Jefinner (Jun 8, 2004)

I don't even know if I'd consider myself AP, though I try to be.

My kids play WAY too many video games (mostly Minecraft)

I don't watch what they're eating when we go out to eat. (I do at home, but when I go out, I'm not looking to stress.)

I love bleach. I love it so much.

While I've done out of hospital births for my last two, this one will be in a hospital (planning on it, anyway... then, secretly hoping he comes so fast, we'll *OOPS* have him unassisted - lol)

This is my 4th child and the first one I'm wearing or CDing.

I yell too much (but I'm working on it).

I'm sure there are tons more. lol


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## treegardner (May 28, 2009)

I always felt like I wasn't AP enough for Mothering lol. I'm not mainstream enough for other forums though.

DS plays video games and watches TV everyday. In fact, we all watch a ton of TV. My grandfather and dad both worked in television, so we aren't ever giving up TV.

We occasionally eat fast food.

We started selectively vax-ing, but ended up fully vax-ing.

Since DS is obsessed with Legos and Playmobil, we have SO many plastic toys.

We don't eat organic because we can't afford it.

I gave birth at a hospital.

Had multiple U/S when I was pregnant because they thought something might be wrong with his kidneys.

We always used disposable diapers while we were traveling.


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## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nightwish*
> 
> tsk-tsk
> 
> ...


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Moonridden*
> 
> That thread is amazeballs.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *dauphinette*
> 
> "....and I live in a hollowed out gourd."
> 
> LOL!


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *PrimordialMind*
> 
> This thread is unbelievably hilarious!! I havent laughed that hard in awhile. I had to add my own crunchy comment


We should do a thread like that and see what we come up with - without peeking at that thread!









Quote:


> Originally Posted by *naturemami3*
> 
> Hi everyone! I am a brand new member and you are cracking me up! So glad I signed up! It's nice to know we are all really somewhere in the middle. As I drive through both Starbucks and McDonald's tomorrow, I will do so with a bigger smile ...and a lighter heart. And I will rest easy knowing that just because I sometimes blast the radio and pretend I can't hear my little chatterboxes, that doesn't mean I am not a loving mother. Thanks, mamas!


Welcome naturemami3. You're in good company!


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

We should totally do a funny thread mentioned by Nightwish


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## pepperedmoth (Jun 14, 2013)

. . . not being interested in AP at all, whatsoever? And not feeling guilty about it, either?


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## rocknmama (Jan 2, 2013)

Second to all said. And sometimes I've put both my babes (now 4 and 5mo old) in their cribs to cry a bit before they fall asleep. Second one not as bad, but my first one was a terrible sleep fighter and 5-10 minutes of crying would sometimes help him get to sleep. He'd be so miserable. I think this is the first time I've admitted that.  It feels/felt like the right choice for us. And I'd never let him go more than 10 minutes. My li'l guy isn't qutie a fighter, but sometimes I let him cry a bit, so I don't have to nurse him down which is the main way he prefers to go to sleep. ugh. So tough.


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## dinahx (Sep 17, 2005)

Fun! I use Sposies after 2 . . . And I refuse to pay more than $6 a pack. I usually get Natural ones from an OG discount store, but if not, I am not above occasional Target brand.

I have Ultrasounds. Last baby I had 5. And my own doppler. Being a Pregnancy Loss mama made me jumpy.

Waaaaay too much computer in our lives @ the moment. No TV but plenty of screen time, still.

I use Compostable Paper Plates and right now, unfortunately we live on a Fluoridated water supply. I don't drink or cook with Fluoride but we still have to bathe with it, etc.

I take my kids to Western MDs. I am an Herbalist, but I don't just do Chiro & Naturopathy. They have never had Abx, but I still like to feel like I did my part to get them checked out, official style. We do NOT vax, but I am considering just one 'in case I am wrong' DTaP sometimes. My next baby is scheduled to be born in a hospital, though I am not 100% on that. I did have a Homebirth but it was with an OB.

That is pretty much it, we are pretty NL/AP. I have a degree in Chemistry, so I am NOT going to allow any chemicals into my home or food supply if I can help it. We do eat Organic because of Social Justice as well as Chemistry. We live near a factory I hate right now, but we are upwind of it and are seeking alternatives!


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## Queenmom2006 (Nov 2, 2011)

We vax, we eat fast food, we have done time outs in the past (but we are working on not doing that), our oldest actually competed in natural (no make-up) pageants (however this is something else we cut out because we ultimately decided that even though the emphasis was natural, it still sends a bad message to girls..), we have too much TV and too much sugar in our lives, we swim in the public (chlorinated) pool, I had ultrasounds with all of my pregnancies (though we did have midwives and natural births)....that's all I can think of right now. lol.


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## Erin Fangboner (Jul 8, 2013)

I did not even really know about attachment parenting..I read about it briefly but ....Dr. Sears books were my BIBLE. we co slept we breastfed, we also did specific vacinationations.

I often tell people we pretty much mesh a little bit from several types of parenting techniques into OUR parenting technique.

We watch tv.

we eat out more than i care to admit

We also had to supplement with formula early on.

We also have had to use more consequences in discipline...I wouldn't call those times posiitive discipline but she is getting older...


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## Steph152 (May 22, 2009)

Love this. Let's see...

My kids watch cartoons almost every single morning while I drink coffee and plan our day.

Had one in the hospital, ultrasounds with both.

Occasionally I feed them Taco Bell, and often I feed them frozen yogurt with candy on top.

At least once a month I stay out late to have dinner and drinks with my friends and let my husband handle bedtime alone. My kids are now 2 and 4, but I did this when they were younger too. I (very occasionally) have to travel for work, and it's nice for the three of them to know that dad's capable of taking care of them alone, even at night.

I weaned both of my kids before they were three, even though they didn't seem ready. With the first child, I had been nursing them both together for 6 months and I was SO. DONE. with tandem, having trouble producing enough for the youngest and not ready to supplement. I weaned my second child at two because she, like her brother, didn't show any signs of weaning, or even cutting back, and I was growing resentful and annoyed with night-nursing a preschooler. I didn't want our nursing relationship to turn into something less wonderful than it had always been, for either of us.

I pay someone to care for my children while I work. And I like it.


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Rocknmama - my first child NEEDED a period of time which she would cry a little before sleep. It took us a few months before we realized this because she wouldn't settle at all. She'd be tired, she'd nod off in our arms and the minute we put her down she'd cry for a few minutes and then sleep. It didn't matter if it was in our bed with us, in her crib or somewhere else altogether. And she couldn't sleep in our arms all the time either.

Once we realized it *was* her way of self soothing after our day, things were easier. I've heard of other babies who were the same. And it did take awhile for me to recognize it as a need she had because I thought if she was crying she needed something. Her need was a small cry as a self soothing technique. At first I felt guilty but when I had tried everything else and finally realized that it was what she needed it made things easier. You are right, it's a hard thing to admit because it goes against how we feel as mother's but when we embrace and recognize our kids needs then it makes the decision easier









My second was totally different, she can fall asleep to a song or two and has since she was little


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## danamichele (May 6, 2010)

Well it looks like I'm in good company here! I just do what works well for us. That's definitely closest to AP, but not totally:

One daughter had vaccine reactions and is very selectively vaxed; the other daughter is fully vaxed.

I have always used disposables without guilt.

"Treats" aren't very rare... too much sugar.

Discipline is louder than it should be.

I'm not against Western medicine; it has worked for us when naturopathic hasn't.

We have too much "stuff."


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## tinifry (Jul 19, 2012)

Love this!

My husband and I yell too much and dont spend enough time with the kids. We do way too much TV, too much iPad, way too much sugar and fast food and are starting my 4 year old in public preschool this fall. I was homeschooled and its definitely not for me. Once my kids are both in school I'll be working to afford my starbucks every day.


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## LiasMommy (Apr 2, 2013)

I drive a SUV.

My 11-month-old sleeps in a crib in her own room.

I diaper my baby in disposables and use disposable wipes.

I occasionally use a Teflon pan.

My husband's clothes get washed in Tide.

Sometimes I use bleach.

I go through lots of rolls of paper towels.

My baby has quite a few plastic toys.

My husband & I take VERY long showers.

I don't recycle peanut butter jars because it is too difficult to rinse them.

I allow my baby to watch Sesame Street on my phone while I clip her nails.


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## Bonsai (Nov 15, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *treegardner*
> 
> I always felt like I wasn't AP enough for Mothering lol. I'm not mainstream enough for other forums though.
> 
> ...


I feel the same way!!! That Im not AP enough for Mothering, but other forums I feel like the crunchiest.
Lets see....
-we selectively vac
-I supplement with formula due to supply issues
-drive an SUV
-we don't eat 100% organic
-some cloth, some sposies
-had an HBAC but last baby was planned hospital birth and I liked it!
-I yell.
-I never gave much thought to wooden vs. plastic toys. We have too many of both.

Im glad to read this. It makes Mothering more welcoming.


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## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

I have some too. 

I let my 5 y/o have what I consider to be quite a lot of screen time. I have a toddler and when he takes his nap, I have to nap, too. I can't stay awake no matter how I try. My 5 y/o will get into trouble, so I let her use my iPhone or her laptop for the entire two hours to either watch Netflix documentaries or play Minecraft PE. I love when she plays Minecraft, actually. When I put her to bed at night, I go in my phone and look at all of the delightful little things she has built. <3

Also, I take my kids to McDonalds about once a month as a treat. Really it's more like I was in town and didn't have time to go home and that was convenient, but my kiddo thinks it's as good as a birthday present so there you go.

I give candy as rewards. *ducks flying eggs* I know I shouldn't but after years of trying every single other AP/NCP method, this is the only one that works with her. I buy organic gummy candies or fruit leathers and if she has been quiet during nap time and plays her games without waking up the baby, she gets some candy afterwards.

I sometimes raise my voice. And I sometimes catch myself saying things I should not like "what is WONG with you?!!!" When the older one hurts the baby on purpose. The last, at least, is rare. 

And I'm against buying China-made but I have made exceptions on some occasions if a toy is particularly beneficial in my opinion (like Legos) or if it is a book or if it is cloth diapers and I can't find enough used. I feel really horrible about it every time I do it, though, so at least I'm feeling remorse.


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## tessa67 (Jul 27, 2007)

I bribe my daughter with tv in exchange for her brushing my hair.


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## sunfairy79 (Jul 6, 2008)

i love this!

I let my 6 y/o...

stay up late during school breaks and holidays

eat Chicken in a Biscuit crackers

watch Grease & Big Bang Theory

listen to Macklemore's Thrift Shop

and i HATE playing pretend games, tea party, and store.


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

I had 2 hospital births and chose epidurals both times.

After a long stretch of pricing natural-woven baskets for organizing our crap, I'll go on a plastic-buying binge, buying all the storage I need and more for the price of one basket at JoAnn fabrics.

Change above sentence, substituting "organic, fair trade, hand woven kitchen towels" and "non-organic, slave labor grocery store kitchen towels" for "baskets" and "plastic". Oh, and the factory outlet jeans made in Bangladesh, cheaper than thrift store jeans.

I live where I can have chickens, a huge garden and acres of forest to walk through, but to live here I drive waaaay too many miles. Thankfully, my car gets good gas mileage. However we are outgrowing it, it's getting to 200,000 miles really fast (did I mention how many miles I drive?) so I am contemplating a minivan or Highlander. Ouch.

We have a lot of toys. A lot of toys!

We eat boatloads of sugar. I buy organic sugar, but a lot of the treats we buy don't use it. I looooove sugar!







Oh, and I have and use food coloring.

We eat fast food about once a week or so. And, yes, the girls get a pop or "lemonade".

I eat way more meat than I should. But I have an excuse-- I'm allergic to most vegetarian sources of protein.

I can be tyrant.

I let the girls watch TV (videos) and shows on the internet. But we're unschoolers, so I get to do that and still be crunchy.









One show they love is the Lone Ranger. Gunshooting. Fist fights. Stereotypes. They love it. I also let them watch a fair amount of violence (LOTR, The Hobbit, Kung Fu Panda). But, being unschoolers, we get to do that and still be crunchy.


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## Buzzer Beater (Mar 5, 2009)

But Cynthia, How FAR do you drive that SUV?


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Oh jeez....I'm not sure I can list the things.









we have had TV dinners the last two nights.

My baby is currently in a huggies disposeable

when my husband gets behind on the recycling and it gets annoying I grab a trash bag and clean it all up.









We are a tech house....video games, iPad, iPod, computers the whole shebang.


----------



## myra1 (Jan 20, 2013)

Love this..yay for middle of the road at times. We go full force on what really speaks to us and just what we can in other areas.
Although natural/no intervention pregnancies and births, they were in the hospital. Some doppler during pushing.
Timeouts. Plastic toys. Plastic plates and cups. Jogging stroller.
Disposable wipes for no. 2s. The occasional disposable diaper.
Ipads and video games. AC and mosquito spray, both sparingly.
Encourage weaning by three. And that is my absolute upper limit.
Not a fan of older kids in my bed.
Van. More driving than I would like.
Not all organic produce and dairy. Store bought, nonorganic chicken.
Public school, not crazy about it but definitely best for us. Selective delayed vaccs.
Some dryer usage esp in winter. I will not hang socks or undies. And my 'delicate' undies are so out of circulation anymore!
Im sure there are a lot things Im not even thinking of! Its not like theres a rulebook...RIGHT?!


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## redcanary (Sep 3, 2010)

this is great!

I swear around my kids and don't care to try not to.

I get angry and annoyed and I can't always express my feelings the way I'm always telling my daughter she needs to.

We eat sooo much pizza, usually about once a week. I even let her get pepperoni sometimes (gasp NITRATES)

We eat too much chocolate and sweet things.

My oldest daughter is fully vaccinated.

My baby got the dtap cuz I'm slightly more terrified of pertussis than I am of the vaccine.

We eat white rice sometimes because it's just so delicious.

ohh there is probably so much more...


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AdinaL*
> 
> Oh jeez....I'm not sure I can list the things.
> 
> ...


Adinal! *gasp* tv dinners?????????? the kind with the little desserts in the center? ...lol teasing mama!!!!!


----------



## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Cute thread! On the one hand, I LOVE to read about all the wonderful and sometimes "over the top" efforts some families make in the name of NFL, AP, the environment and peaceful living. It inspires me to do better. But, skimming through this thread and seeing how much of a relief it is to other mamas when we talk about our "digressions", I'll go ahead and tell you all that I am currently down'nee'ocean, hon! I am in candy, asphalt, SPF 600 heaven! So, yea, we do our best. When money flows like the river Jordan (am I using that correctly?), I can be a pretty awesome NFL mama. But I really struggle with doing it on a budget. But, I also found some of our favorites in the NFL/AP world were a bit consumerist and I feel more ethically in line with some foundations of NFL/AP by not being able to afford so many of the beautiful perks.

So, yea, I struggle with the buy local, buy organic or buy lots of inexpensive veg, meat and dairy and have wonderful cooking options. I simply buy so much less new and feel so great about that. Yea, some of that is plastic...but it's old and loved and less complicated in some ways than all those beautiful wooden toys.

We managed 1 year each in cloth before I just couldn't/didn't stick to it. The kids were using fewer and fewer diapers and disposable just looked so good and easy. Both PT pretty early I think in part over my feeling pretty bad about disposable.

I absolutely dislike food trends, a lot of which seem to be embraced in the NFL world.

Our kid goes to public school.

We partially vaccinate.

I have told my loved ones that I would like them to go all out for Western meds if they get some terminal-seeming illness.

We spend a lot of time in the sun in the summer and I use the drug store sunscreen. It works the best for our family and is most comfortable to wear. I do use some zinc too... but mostly just mainstream chemical laden goo. I have a couple of bottles of organic stuff that I just don't trust and only use if we're out in the sun a sort while.

I'm a sold non-hitter (not that this is something to be proud of) but I can get pretty darn exasperated. I work on it but... sometimes it takes me a bit before I get caught up.

What else?

I love Rice-or-Roni.


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## Petronella (Aug 22, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Buzzer Beater*
> 
> But Cynthia, How FAR do you drive that SUV?


I was wondering this too! Cynthia, you wrote that "we" drive an SUV. Does this mean that where you live has changed the laws regarding women driving? Congratulations!


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

I vaccinate

I birth fully drugged

I use disposable diapers

Formula feeding this LO

I spray real liquid death on my lawn and in my house (bug killer)

We eat fast food like there are no grocery stores in my city

I only use my recycling bin because I have to. Otherwise my trash can isn't big enough for all the trash we accumulate each week.

My kids are in public school and I buy public school lunches because Frito Pie is AWESOME!!

My kids do not have organic toys or wooden blocks

I shopped at Wal Mart the other day.

I could ride share but I don't because I hate other people talking to me in the morning.

I buy bottled water, Large Costco flats of bottled water and just fill the city dump to brim with them.

The meat I do buy is probably all horribly treated cows and chickens... they still taste good.

I pretty much parent my kids. Like I tell them what to do and how to dress. I don't allow that free for all feel good crap.

I fed my LO bb food at 5 months. And it was store bought.


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## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Petronella*
> 
> I was wondering this too! Cynthia, you wrote that "we" drive an SUV. Does this mean that where you live has changed the laws regarding women driving? Congratulations!


Laws haven't changed yet but that doesn't stop some.









Disclaimer - I am a law-abiding citizen. But I do drive off-road.


----------



## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

I have a full-time job by choice and use a day care center. They do use our cloth diapers though.









I yell. I probably am not the most gentle discipliner, though I try.


----------



## Dela (Jul 8, 2013)

We're trying to get back to natural living so I figure airing my dirty laundry off the bat is the best way to keep me honest about my progrss and lack thereof.

Things we have no intent of changing...

We don't use any "natural" alternatives when it comes to personal hygiene. I love my shampoo, soap, tampons, TP, and body wash too much.

Drive a van by necessity.

Have a probably larger home than we need.

Watch TV.

Large family.

Equally enjoy organic produce and cheetos, and have no problem eating McDonalds once in a while. I figure that if the bulk of our diet is good, healthy, home-cooked food, 10-15% of the other stuff is a good balance between healthy and normal/fun.

Things we're changing...

Recently moved and have started raising chickies for eggs, will slowly start raising other things for meat and milk. Growing more of our own veg now that we live in a place where food actually grows!

Getting back to homeschooling/unschooling all or most of our children. Our oldest 2 went to school for a few years, at first it was because they were interested (which we have no problem with them going to school if it's their idea), but then because we just felt obligated to and they weren't happy any more. We were becoming naggy, authoritarian, school-focused parents who we didn't want to be. Now they're back home for the coming year, but our 5 year olds are going (by choice).

Moving toward replacing all our household cleaning products and methods with more natural alternatives.

Focusing more on entertainment at home rather than jetting here and there on a hectic schedule.


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

So I deliberately picked some of what I think of as the newer things, or things that are way more mainstream now than they were when I got pregnant in 1998.

I'm not paleo or Weston-Price, nor am I veg*n, but I do eat vegan & veg meals sometimes, buy grass fed meat and try to buy local or organic as much as possible. But then I eat out a lot, and we still eat sugar and flour and from the salty, crunchy snack group.

I don't make kombucha, kefir or my own yogurt. I have made kombucha before, but I gave up on it.

I don't own an amber teething necklace, my children have never worn one. I do think they are cute, however.

My babies never had a craniosacral adjustment, nor have they seen a chiropractor.

I hate the term baby led weaning. I also feel like the idea behind elimination communication has been so co-opted or whatever you want to call it. I actually did try EC with my first way back in 2000, but you didn't need special apparatus for it, and I'm kind of confused by it all now. I feel like a lot of time what gets called EC is really early potty learning, and less of the attention is on learning the cues. But if it works to eliminate the need for diapers, cloth or otherwise, I'm in favor of it.

I used a stroller, I was fine with the big baby toys like exersaucers.

I'm so sick of kale everything, seriously. My kale chips don't really work out that well because I don't own a dehydrator, and the whole kale smoothie thing is not that great so far. Spinach is fine, but if I try to minimize the grassy taste of the kale, I barely put any in.

I don't homeschool.

I sometimes fly on airplanes or drive long distances in my minivan. We also have a big house that is air conditioned, and we each have our own computer.

I've never had a chicken in my yard, even for a day, although once a pair of ducks hung out for awhile.

I don't knit, crochet or dream about winning the lottery and buying out the yarn store.

I yell sometimes, I'm not the lovey dovey patient type of mother, although I am kind of a pushover parent.

I have a microwave and I use it.

Sometimes I shave my legs...a couple times a year. And I'll throw my pits in there too, upon occasion, but they don't seem to look any better even with a shave.

The more brightly colored plastic toys, the better. My dream is to have a giant Playmobil room.

My dog does not eat a prey model diet.

I don't use a stool to squat for stool. If sitting on the toilet and straining was good enough for the King, it is good enough for me.

I take ibuprofen or other NSAIDs, I'm not really into homeopathy.

My children only smoke organic pot...yeah, kidding, they don't smoke at all.

Oops, I forgot one: I only had my children rear-facing in their carseats until 30 pounds. Or maybe even not that long, I can't remember. I know it was over a year, but it wasn't as long as 2 years with either of them.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
> 
> I love Rice-or-Roni.


That was like my favorite food as a kid, but I haven't had it in years. Somehow it was better when my mom made it, or something.


----------



## zbugmama (Jun 6, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tessa67*
> 
> I bribe my daughter with tv in exchange for her brushing my hair.


Just let my DD watch a Richard Scarry video so (after 2days!) I could do her hair. With all this humidity it's the only way outside of the bathtub to get through the curls.

Too expensive to buy all organic, so we don't.

I'm a big fan of the swiffer and paper towels. I've promised myself that someday we'll have a washer/dryer and then we can abandon the paper, but until then ... And we clean with all kinds of things.

There's definitely some plastic in the house.

We both like sugar, so DD eats sugar. And she was born in a hospital, but just barely.

We did cloth-diaper, but we used a service (no washer/dryer and I was NOT going to haul a cartful of dirty diapers three blocks to and from the laundromat).

I'm sure there's more but ..

LOVE this thread!


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## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

Hi everyone! Just jumping in here to share our Babywearing Photo Contest. Be sure to check it out!


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## alaura24 (Jun 3, 2013)

I have a circumcised, vaccinated, PBS-and-Netflix-devouring little boy who was born via C-section after an ill-advised induction. He started life attempting to drink breast milk, but mama's body was messed up after the cascade-of-interventions nightmare, so he ended up exclusively formula-fed from 6 weeks on.

He wears disposable diapers when his parents are feeling too lazy to deal with cloth diaper laundry, or when we travel. We use disposable wipes.

He's a fish stick eating fiend.

He was totally over the Ergo as soon as he started to walk.

He loves his pacifier with a passion.

He's been sleeping in his own room since he was 8 weeks old.

Take THAT, Dr. Sears! ;-)


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## Kamiro (Sep 3, 2011)

Fun!

I like a couple ultrasounds during pregnancy.

I'd *like* a shot of some pain killer during birth. We do home births, but I wouldn't shun some meds if legally offered. haha

We eat sugar. Not always organic. Some times what we eat may not even qualify as "food".

I live being sensitive to every ones wants and needs--- but at the end of the day I'm mom, and I make the final decision.







"I'm the mom, that's why!" is a totally acceptable reason.

I drive a vehicle that gets maybe 10-12 mpg. Living rural, I drive 200 miles a month= $$$ for not a lot of travelling. Store and library a couple times. 

I've driven through a McDonald's drive thru to get french fries to calm a crying kid more times than I'd like to admit in my life as a parent.

I have a bottle of bleach in my house.

I have no problem using disposable diapers when I have them for long journies, same with paper plates/napkins/cups for postpartum period or travels....

I haven't breastfed a babe over 10 months of age, and my first 3 children drank formula...I can recognize that may not be ideal without feeling guilty. That was huge, to me!


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## AnaB (Jan 4, 2011)

Great idea! Here it goes:

We use disposable paper towels

My kids watch way too many youtube videos every day (we don't have cable), I pacify myself with the fact that we can monitor what they watch  lol

My first was born in a hospital and I used disposables with her for the first 6 months

I stopped making my own bread

I don't buy all produce organic

I let my kids eat bad things when visiting grandparents

I had two ultrasounds with my first baby

I eat too much dark chocolate, with my least favorite ingredient - soy lecithin!

I am secretly hating cloth diapering right now (stink, hard water)

I yell at my kids sometimes, then feel horrible about it

Our house is way too cluttered and the kids playroom is FAR from 'Waldorfy' lol


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## Dela (Jul 8, 2013)

Hmm, more:

Not vegan, paleo, primal, etc.

I couldn't identify kale at a grocery store, let alone eat it. Just never been on my radar.

We go out to restaurants a lot. Some top quality, some just average chains.

Kids all have wayyyyyy too much clothes. Most aren't thrifted. We do pass things down though.

Sometimes a raised voice is the only thing that will do. Almost never to the individual, but I do find myself yelling to get the attention of a group.

I'm a terrible twin mama. I dress them alike (their request, but I still get dirty looks about it sometimes), they're going to public school (their choice), won't be in separate rooms (my choice), and though they do have friends, they really only play with each other 90% of the time. They also don't have "separate" friends. Not that I'm against it, it just hasn't happened yet.

We have too much "stuff."

Our pets subsist on commercial (albeit "natural") pet food and table scraps. We do have a hayfield for the horses' food though! But OTOH they sleep on pine bedding which is probably not a very sustainable thing.

We fly commercial air and drive our van and RV for vacations and adventure.

The one really great thing about Texas was that it taught me how essential a fryer is and how to use it.

We use air conditioning, thank goodness.

I shave, use makeup, dress sharp, etc.

I can't sew to save my life. I've never knitted/crocheted anything more than a hat or scarf.


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## SaraDamude (Mar 21, 2011)

This is the best! I feel like I'm ok to be a Mothering reader now









I've had 4 c-sections.

I use disposable diapers. I once bought some cloth, but chickened out.

I nurse my kids on a schedule and they sleep in a crib in their own room from about 3 months on.

I don't own any green cleaning products except I make my own laundry soap.

My boys are both circumcised.

I could go on and on! Ha!


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Did anyone go to get a free Slurpee today, on 7/11 day? Just curious. I saw people mentioning it, even people who would normally never drink them.


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## Kamiro (Sep 3, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Viola*
> 
> Did anyone go to get a free Slurpee today, on 7/11 day? Just curious. I saw people mentioning it, even people who would normally never drink them.


Nearest 7-11 is atleast 90 miles away. In my hog, that free slurpy would cost over $80 in gas roundtrip.







I licked the screen when a picture of one came up - does that count?


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

If we had a 7-11 we would have been there







Nearest one is 45 mins away... I love me a slurpee like no other. I think they may be my biggest downfall!


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## EllaS (Dec 6, 2011)

This is great.

I feel so guilty sometimes - we are on a tight budget in a smallish town, so most of our food comes from Wal-Mart. I only buy the Canadian meat there and avoid the really processed stuff, but we could never afford organic.

We drink fluoridated city water and there's nothing I can do about it.

We eat white flour. It doesn't go rancid like the whole wheat stufff does. I try and cut it with something better if I have some, but sometimes I don't and I make good white bread.

I carried my daughter for months, but she's heavy, and we don't have a car, so when she FINALLY began to enjoy her stroller, I embraced it. I love the stroller. I don't feel like a pack animal anymore.

On that note, I can't wait until we can afford a car, and we will get one big enough to handle our roads in the winter, and high enough that we won't all be crushed if we hit a moose. These things are more important to me than fuel efficiency.

I sometimes buy disposables when I am tired of doing laundry.

My husband and I eat candy when the kid's asleep, but she's caught me sneaking chocolate a couple times and I let her try some. She loves it.

We planned to have no screen time, but sometimes when I'm exhausted and out of ideas I watch nature documentaries with my toddler.


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## Kamiro (Sep 3, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *redcanary*
> 
> I swear around my kids and don't care to try not to.
> 
> We eat white rice sometimes because it's just so delicious.


me too. I love calrose and basmati....Just bought a 50 pound bag actually...


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## Momsteader (Dec 13, 2002)

We eat ice cream. Lots of ice cream. We LOVE ice cream!


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## Lenore K. (Apr 22, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Momsteader*
> 
> We eat ice cream. Lots of ice cream. We LOVE ice cream!


We eat a lot of ice cream, too. I do "try" to eat the "healthier" kind when we can!!!


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## Lenore K. (Apr 22, 2009)

All my kids have had coffee.

I believe in moderation but you have to enjoy life and eating is a part of life. I like food!

I like me some quick-fried Cheetos now and then.

Being an older Mom with a 9 yr old who has three adult siblings (the youngest is 25), I have learned throughout the years to develop my own parenting style by using a hodge-podge mess of skills that have worked for me. From time to time I do resort to "because I am the Mom and I said so!"

How can you not have plastic Legos???

I have danced and sang with Sharon, Lois and Bram; Barney; and The Wiggles!


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## Lenore K. (Apr 22, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Erin Fangboner*
> 
> I did not even really know about attachment parenting..I read about it briefly but ....Dr. Sears books were my BIBLE. we co slept we breastfed, we also did specific vacinationations.
> 
> ...


Me, too. The world is full of consequences and not all of them are logical.


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## rebbecky (Oct 16, 2011)

I am a little confused by this thread, and by that I mean that the fact that it is suppose to be a list of our "shortcomings". In my opinion I have always taken an AP/NFL lifestyle as something to generally live by as guidelines, not absolutes. I am in an AP playgroup and have noticed that some parents do cloth diapers and some don't, some have children who go to public school and others homeschool etc, but I do not judge anyone in my group who does not do things exactly as I do. We are all human and do the best that we can and make decisions based on what we feel is best for ourselves and our families.

Maybe I am taking this topic too seriously, but I find it a little disheartening that so many mamas feel that some of the things they are listing make them "un-AP". I hope my two cents does not offend anyone, but I feel like it's hard enough trying to tolerate the judgements from people who disagree with or do not understand AP parenting, without adding feelings of inadequacy from our own community. Ok, and for the record I am currently pregnant which could explain why I am reacting so strongly to this thread! LOL


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## delightedbutterfly (Oct 5, 2006)

Rebbecky - I totally get where you are coming from. I actually said something similar to a couple of the other moderators









But I think some of the relief comes from browsing some of the forums and seeing one poster so into "AP thing A" and then another poster really into "AP thing B" and then yet another poster who is really great at "NFL thing C" and sometimes there have been posters or threads that have been completely 100% against something... plastic, McDonalds, Walmart all come to mind. I feel like sometimes it get overwhelming when everyone else "seems" to be doing better at this "AP/NFL" thing then you (general you) especially if it's something your life you'd like to do better at but can't. Sometimes the AP/NFLingness of the board is seen as a sum off ALL the posters instead of each individual. I don't know if that makes sense?

With that being said...

AP/NFL is not a one size fits all parenting/living style. But then neither is mainstream parenting/living. Not every child or family fits into the same box. And that's cool. AP is about parenting with intent, about listening to your heart and your child and doing what you feel is best for them, it's about parenting with full awareness and care. And AP is about supporting our children in their needs. And NFL is about living in this world and trying to be a little gentler on Mother Earth and getting back to a more "natural" way of living. AP and NFL can go hand in hand quite well, but they *don't have to* go together either. Some mamas on here are all about the AP and not so much about the NFL, others are the opposite and many more fall somewhere in the middle of one or both categories.

I don't think anyone is feeling less AP for posting on this thread. More the feeling of relief comes from being able to admit that they still feel like they are AP even if they don't do everything that if feels like everyone else does based on browsing the board.

And I've even seen threads (I was on one today) where posters have different ideas of what makes something AP. And that's cool too, my idea of AP may very well be different then Jane Doe's and different again from John Doe's but that doesn't make us any less right within our own families


----------



## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rebbecky*
> 
> I am a little confused by this thread, and by that I mean that the fact that it is suppose to be a list of our "shortcomings". In my opinion I have always taken an AP/NFL lifestyle as something to generally live by as guidelines, not absolutes. I am in an AP playgroup and have noticed that some parents do cloth diapers and some don't, some have children who go to public school and others homeschool etc, but I do not judge anyone in my group who does not do things exactly as I do. We are all human and do the best that we can and make decisions based on what we feel is best for ourselves and our families.
> 
> Maybe I am taking this topic too seriously, but I find it a little disheartening that so many mamas feel that some of the things they are listing make them "un-AP". I hope my two cents does not offend anyone, but I feel like it's hard enough trying to tolerate the judgements from people who disagree with or do not understand AP parenting, without adding feelings of inadequacy from our own community. Ok, and for the record I am currently pregnant which could explain why I am reacting so strongly to this thread! LOL


You are so sweet! I actually totally dislike the label "AP" and usually use in in quotes. I even started a thread on it in the past few years and was so chuffed to see Peggy chiming in with similar feelings. To me, AP is something I fell into because so many of my choices seemed to fit with that label - not the other way around. I only use "AP" here and even then only reluctantly so nothing can make me feel "un-AP", yk?

Also, I think it's important to keep in mind what DB was saying about how we define AP and NFL. You can easily come to NFL from two pretty different perspectives - one from personal health and one from an environmental one. That may get you to about the same place but not quite, yk? Same with AP. Some of us are motivated by being a change we want to see in the world, others want to raise their children autonomously. Again, that can unify some pretty different folks.

I posted to the thread because I saw it gave so many moms a sense of relief to see what other families were doing. I sympathize with you in that it SUCKS if mamas are feeling badly about their life and the choices they make. Yea, to a certain extent that is a good motivator to do better - for sure. But too much and over relatively small things is such a waste of worry, right? I'm sure there is some lovely saying about not wasting our guilt on...wait..."Don't sweat the small stuff." Ha!


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rebbecky*
> 
> I am a little confused by this thread, and by that I mean that the fact that it is suppose to be a list of our "shortcomings". In my opinion I have always taken an AP/NFL lifestyle as something to generally live by as guidelines, not absolutes.


I think that is pretty much what it is.

I also think there is a tendency to believe that you are the only one who doesn't do something, and not to talk about it, or to feel like you have to defend it. I stopped feeling the need to explain everything awhile back because all that does is make other people feel uncomfortable when they do the things you seem to think are problematic and have to have an excuse in order to do. So I think this thread is sort of to lighten the seriousness of it all.


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

Quote:


> I don't think anyone is feeling less AP for posting on this thread. More the feeling of relief comes from being able to admit that they still feel like they are AP even if they don't do everything that if feels like everyone else does based on browsing the board.


and

Quote:


> I actually totally dislike the label "AP" and usually use in in quotes. I even started a thread on it in the past few years and was so chuffed to see Peggy chiming in with similar feelings.












Over my 13 years plus of parenting, I have seen it happen so many times when certain choices in parenting get a label added to them and suddenly there is this movement and then come the rules that one must follow and those of us who have been doing this stuff all along are left going huh? when we are told that because we do a or b or don't do x or y then we are not good enough for the movement and don't get to claim the label.


----------



## Lenore K. (Apr 22, 2009)

"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."
― W.C. Fields


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *fruitfulmomma*
> 
> Over my 13 years plus of parenting, I have seen it happen so many times when certain choices in parenting get a label added to them and suddenly there is this movement and then come the rules that one must follow and those of us who have been doing this stuff all along are left going huh? when we are told that because we do a or b or don't do x or y then we are not good enough for the movement and don't get to claim the label.


Yes, this is it exactly. It's like stuff we are doing that we think is just normal stuff gets turned out into some complex game with arcane rules that people like to spend time arguing over. Maybe it's just a human nature thing.


----------



## ColoradoMama626 (Apr 30, 2011)

When I see NFL my first thought is football!


----------



## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh this is a long list!

I supplemented with formula and bottlefed until DD got the hang of nursing around 10 weeks.

I don't cosleep 99% of the time. DD has always been in her own room and after a couple of weeks I moved back to the master bedroom with the monitor on my nightstand. I do always go to her though.

I tried sleep training. I lasted 5 minutes one night and that was it. Never again.

I used sposies for the first year, switched to cloth, then back to sposies around 20 months for my ridiculously heavy wetter. She's in undies during the day now at 27 months but sposies at night.

We (including DD) watch some TV.

I didn't baby wear her. She liked the stroller and I just went with it.

I've had all standard screenings during my pregnancies (second kiddo due in a couple of weeks) and had a gel induction with an epidural for DD. This time I have a MW and hope to go naturally but will hospital birth again.

I got all routine newborn things done (eye goop, etc) and fully vaccinate.

I've never been to a chiro or a naturopath.

DD has gone 7-10 days between poops while EBF and I've never been concerned (huge, loose seedy mustard poops when she finally went).

I night weaned DD between 22-24 months and she soon stopped nursing altogether because of my pregnancy.

I use regular cleaners and personal hygiene items with the exception of my new cloth pads. LOVE them!!

We eat out way too much, especially with pregnancy fatigue.

Lots of toys, lots of plastic in the household. Too many clothes for DD, most new and made in Bangladesh/China, etc.

Ok that scratches the surface


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## genniemom (Jan 21, 2011)

I love this thread. Rather than listing all of my many non AP practices, I would like to admit that I put on a façade when I'm around other AP parents. I pack special organic snacks instead of the junk my kids usually eat. I make sure to bring my secondhand American-made cloth diapers instead of the Chinese sweatshop ones that comprise most of my supply. I wear my baby during the whole outing instead of handing him off or setting him down. I yell way less than usual and act surprised when my children hit or bite other kids. "He's never done that before!" I feel self-conscious about the fact that I am overweight, as if it proves that I'm not living a healthy lifestyle.

I love having a category to encompass the ideals surrounding most of the choices I make, but I do not feel like I have to adhere to absolutely everything. In certain situations, I have to make a decision between adhering to the AP label or doing what works for me. I do what feels right. Some things I'm working on changing, but I'm doing so very slowly and deliberately so as not to overwhelm myself. Most of the time, I feel very satisfied. Other times, I decide to change. I really hope that I haven't contributed to making other mothers feel inadequate.


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

Another thread reminded me of a few more things I would like to confess to 

I do time outs. Much less frequently than when LO was smaller, but I will do it. It is my go to for seriously punishable offenses. Oh, and I do believe there are punishable offenses!

I have am not very empathetic with tantrums.

I never ask permission before picking LO up if I want to. (But we do honor the word STOP or NO quite seriously.)

I say good job all the time. I even say it when I don't mean it....LO is not a good or patient color-er, she scribbles and rushes through a picture just to get it done, but I still say "Good job, honey!"


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

I love this thread.
1. We eat fast food occasionally
2. We break our dietary rules on a regular basis(mainly because of daddy!)
3. I am using disposables on my 2 year old this month because I want a break from washing diapers
4. We do time-outs
5. My kids watch more tv than I would like, but its the only way I can get a break in the middle of the day because neither one of them nap anymore.
6. We yell occasionally
7. We get take out occasionally when we're too tired to cook(though I do try and avoid this)


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

Oh I use Lysol when we've had a particularly horrendous virus hit our family

Also I save the children's meds when they're sick for bedtime so they can sleep comfortably.


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## jtapc90 (Jul 3, 2012)

I also drive an SUV, don't buy organic foods (but I try to grow or make whatever I know how ;-) ), let my kids watch TV and play {gasp} video games (educational/kid friendly), I had ultrasounds during all of my 4 pregnancies, I use disposable diapers and wipes, eat junk once in a while. No one is perfect and no one is better than anyone because of the way they choose to live. While it is nice to educate people and get the info out there about alternatives we can't expect that what works for one will work for another. This post is great! TY


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## seraf (Feb 1, 2002)

Before they were conceived, half my children's genetic material was mailed to me in a tiny plastic vial cryogenically preserved in a tank of liquid nitrogen. And I don't even know if the plastic vial was BPA-free!


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *seraf*
> 
> Before they were conceived, half my children's genetic material was mailed to me in a tiny plastic vial cryogenically preserved in a tank of liquid nitrogen. And I don't even know if the plastic vial was BPA-free!


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## earthmama4 (Oct 13, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LiasMommy*
> 
> *I don't recycle peanut butter jars because it is too difficult to rinse them.*


Me too! Anything that takes more than a few rinses goes into regular trash in our house. We still recycle a TON of stuff, though. But then maybe that is a bad thing because we are generating too much waste!


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## MissElliephant (Jul 11, 2013)

This thread is so wonderful! I know that nobody is perfect, but it's nice to own up to it without criticism. Very cathartic!

We have a nearly one-year-old.

-She's fully vaxed

-She doesn't do full baby-led weaning, and I buy her purees pre-made.

-Wears sposies at night and during travel

-I love my Baby Jogger CityMini stroller, and she loves it, too! I sometimes feels it's more convenient than baby-wearing.

-DD plays with my iPhone at least once a day

-She has cried in her crib, and I let her... I needed a time-out!

Phew!


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

I came here originally believing in Natural Family Parenting as the natural answer. Since giving birth I have become quite disillusioned with not only that but many things I was inspired to try as a result of coming here. Especially seeing some of the fear-based, anti-authority, and ideologically judgmental beliefs, I would say I'm much more of a science and medicine kind of gal than most here. I sometimes question whether I should be on the forum at all. But I respect a lot of moms on here and can use the help and it has been great to have some support.

I believe in the idea of Attachment Parenting, and I love the support and knowledge and experience some of the moms here have; moms who have been through trials and figured out some pretty useful stuff doctors are clueless about. I think this site is the reason I never gave into CIO techniques that my pediatricians all push on me and am sooo glad. I think we are all mostly conscientious moms who love our kids very much; not women who treat our kids like trophies or pets, as so many women do. This forum attracts a better, more educated, more interested group than many others.

That said, I drive an SUV (DH insisted), do all vaccinations (one visit to India will change how anyone sees vaccinations), have a chlorinated pool, am hoping to schedule an elective c-section, hate cloth diapering, have decided co-sleeping is not best for me or bebe, think that it is ok to ignore your child a little bit under certain circumstances, use a stroller sometimes, and am not really in on the natural bandwagon at all aside from it being a "direction", but not a "lifestyle". The word "natural" is a gimmick to sell people stuff in my internet world opinion.

That said, there are many pioneers on this site who are bringing back wisdom from the past that my male and corporate dominated world of information in the medical and greater parenting community badly lacks. It's hilarious when my hospital nurse hands me a flyer about skin-to-skin benefits with a baby. That has been common knowledge on this site for years and years and they think they are so edgy.


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> I came here originally believing in Natural Family Parenting as the natural answer. Since giving birth I have become quite disillusioned with not only that but many things I was inspired to try as a result of coming here. Especially seeing some of the fear-based, anti-authority, and ideologically judgmental beliefs, I would say I'm much more of a science and medicine kind of gal than most here. I sometimes question whether I should be on the forum at all. But I respect a lot of moms on here and can use the help and it has been great to have some support.
> 
> ...


Demeter, it's probably a bit too serious for this thread







but it would be fun to discuss how AP has incredible merits even if one never even gets into the NFL side of things. Mothering happens to have its origins in both, but the AP stuff and brain science/development and how babies and mamas "work" (the neurology) could stand alone!


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## MissElliephant (Jul 11, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *genniemom*
> 
> I love this thread. Rather than listing all of my many non AP practices, I would like to admit that I put on a façade when I'm around other AP parents. I pack special organic snacks instead of the junk my kids usually eat. I make sure to bring my secondhand American-made cloth diapers instead of the Chinese sweatshop ones that comprise most of my supply. I wear my baby during the whole outing instead of handing him off or setting him down. I yell way less than usual and act surprised when my children hit or bite other kids. "He's never done that before!" I feel self-conscious about the fact that I am overweight, as if it proves that I'm not living a healthy lifestyle.
> 
> I love having a category to encompass the ideals surrounding most of the choices I make, but I do not feel like I have to adhere to absolutely everything. In certain situations, I have to make a decision between adhering to the AP label or doing what works for me. I do what feels right. Some things I'm working on changing, but I'm doing so very slowly and deliberately so as not to overwhelm myself. Most of the time, I feel very satisfied. Other times, I decide to change. I really hope that I haven't contributed to making other mothers feel inadequate.


THIS!

Why do we do this?!

I once went to a book club and did not change my daughters wet diaper because I had her in a disposable and was among cloth-only mamas. I didn't want them to see that I didn't CD 100% of the time.

I then felt like a horrible mama and realized how ridiculous I was acting, but I still fear judgment from other AP/NFL moms.


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MissElliephant*
> 
> THIS!
> 
> ...


I didn't realize that some moms feel the need to pretend they do things they don't and hide other things because they're afraid of judgment. This is sad to me. Nobody is perfect and just because a mom practices AP doesn't mean she holds power over others. I don't know about anyone else, but i personally haven't made it a habit of judging the little things, like a baby wearing a disposable diaper or a non-organic snack. Things like that are so trivial in the grand scheme of things. However, if i see a mom verbally or physically abusing a kid, that's when i cant help but judge and get angry. Short of that, i allow for differences since we're not cookie cutters nor do i think any of us want to be.


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## Minalas (Feb 24, 2011)

Let's see:
My children are fully vaccinated.
I had both of them in hospital - they have a really nice whirrlepool there. That beats the old bathtub at home by the landslide.
I introduced solids already after at five months of exclusive breastfeeding.
My children and I eat tons of ice cream in summer (the organic one, but still), and chocolate for the rest of the year.
I completely and utterly fail at house cleaning. It doesn't even matter that I buy ecologically okay cleaning products every other year or so, because I never use them anyways.
My children do watch movies and some you-tube.
The worst one is, I do slap once in a while.


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## Mylie (Mar 15, 2004)

We eat the occasional fast food 

We don't have cable but I let her watch movies.

We don't eat all Organic.

She wore disposable diapers until potty trained.

I tell her No and occasionally have to send her to timeout.

I do let her have sugar...Natural sugar but sugar..

I buy her plastic toys..

I use as much natural cleaner as I can but I also have a bottle of Bleachy cleaner because I do have cats :/

When someone invites her to Chucky Cheese I say YES(she does eat the gluten free pizza though) :0

Prob have lots more but I will leave it at that...lol


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MissElliephant*
> 
> THIS!
> 
> ...


I hope you don't feel so horrible/afraid any more! I have seen that there are always going to be some who judge and criticize in every group, and crunchy moms are far from an exception, ironically. There is a fringe group of moms who just want to challenge the status quo because they are paranoid or control freaks or both; they do the right things for the wrong reasons. So, I can see how being judgmental would make them feel all the more morally superior. Thankfully most are not like that but a few bad apples is all it takes to scare the rest of us away from what should be a supportive community.


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## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

Everything I do I feel is very compatible with attachment parenting, but it's possible some on the mothering board wouldn't agree.

For instance, I vaccinate my son. I think you can be an attachment mom who vaccinates.

Other than that, we keep things pretty simple so a lot of what I do is pretty classic AP. We breastfed and co-slept and I wore him. We cloth diaper and did the baby led weaning thing. We don't really have junk food or sweets often, although I do allow him to drink juice which some moms find shocking.

I do let him watch some tv and play with my phone.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MichelleZB*
> 
> Everything I do I feel is very compatible with attachment parenting, but it's possible some on the mothering board wouldn't agree.
> 
> For instance, I vaccinate my son. I think you can be an attachment mom who vaccinates.


Totally agree. I don't actually think vaccination has anything to do with AP way or the other. NFL maybe but not AP.


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## Dela (Jul 8, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *katelove*
> 
> Totally agree. I don't actually think vaccination has anything to do with AP way or the other. NFL maybe but not AP.


This is the big distinction for me too. We're 100% AP, not even 50% NFL. I don't feel the two are mutually inclusive. Loosely linked, yes. Necessary to one another, no.

We're all about gentle/non-punititve parenting, babywearing, breastfeeding, homeschooling, not circ'ing, etc. But when it comes to NFL well... we do what we can but don't go far out of our way. We recycle religiously, have a no-waste home in terms of food, have reusable water bottles, CD, and have solar for our home and recreation needs, but we also use real TP, tampons (well, I do, I hope DH doesn't ), selectively vax, drive a big ol' van and go on vacation and stuff.


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## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

I don't know what NFL means, so... sure!


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## Dela (Jul 8, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MichelleZB*
> 
> I don't know what NFL means, so... sure!


Natural Family Living... AKA crunchy stuff!


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## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dela*
> 
> Natural Family Living... AKA crunchy stuff!


Ah! Well that is indeed difficult to define!

I find I do a lot of things like gardening, cloth diapers, no paper towels, re-using containers, etc. because it is cheaper, and out of a concern for the environment.

We don't eat a lot of processed foods because they are not good for you.

Some people, however, lump in some things I consider quackery, like homeopathy. We don't do any of that.

I think an important component to AP is the approach to discipline, and we definitely have a very gentle approach over here.


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## Serafina33 (Jan 24, 2013)

xbox, wii, iPad, etc.... They do have limits per day as to how many minutes, but they are a big part of their lives, which I definitely have mixed feelings about.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

A thread where we can brag about circumcising, CIO and spanking on Mothering, yay!


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *transylvania_mom*
> 
> A thread where we can brag about circumcising, CIO and spanking on Mothering, yay!


Oops, i thought you meant something else, nm


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## ian'smommaya (Jun 7, 2004)

I love these kinds of threads!

K, ds 17 has a computer in his room and a tv.
I don't have a tv but do have Netflix which I love!
I use flea and tick killer on the dogs
I buy my own yogurt, only occasionally do I make it.
I probably have a snarky tone too often







:
I use paper products that are disposable/compostable wayyyy too much.
I have a fancy phone I also use wayyyyy too much.

Next!


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

We eat fast food every week most of the time. My kids love potato chips & sweets.


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## mommy2k&k (Apr 21, 2005)

Drive a SUV
Eat fast food once a week
My kids are vaccinated
Had 2 hospital births
Use disposables when away from home


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## sillysapling (Mar 24, 2013)

I unashamedly formula feed and, after carefully reading the studies and literature really don't consider it inferior to breastfeeding. That's probably the biggest one! I try to avoid the topic on this site, not worth it.

We use disposable diapers. We have cloth and we're trying to get back into using it because 'sposies are so @#[email protected]# expensive. For awhile we were in a groove and used cloth very regularly, but we're having trouble getting back there. We've never exclusively done cloth, though.

Food is probably a big place- although I'd love to be able to eat all grass fed, pasture raised animal products, soaked grains, etc- it's simply not financially feasible. We do our best, but there are times that we eat too much fast food. I've given my toddler cookies for breakfast. Sure- they were low sugar, made with coconut oil cookies, but I still did. I'm also not bothered about organic vegetables.If we could afford it, yes. If we can't, I won't lose any sleep. I'm hoping to have a vegetable/herb garden next year, though!

I'm not sure if the plastic thing is actually related to attachment parenting- but I don't care about plastic. I'll take slow poisoning to needing stitches any day.

For some reason, the apartment complex we live in doesn't have recycling bins (they should- they used to), and going out of our way to recycle is really hard, so we don't recycle. That's something we're _really_ upset about. 

Not sure if our car counts or not. We now have two, one is a 15 year old car on its last legs that guzzles gas like it's going out of style. Again- finances. If we could afford a hybrid, I'd probably get one because my drive to work is all city driving- we'd pay virtually nothing for gas! We're down to 12 mpg. _12_. The other is a decade old and doing much better at least.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

I plead guilty to sometimes shouting, and allowing way too much screen time. I believe my son went temporarily insane yesterday from being on the ipad for too long. I call it parenting 'that could be improved.' I also found that offering a cookie was an effective way to get the boys to finish their meals. I dont usually do this, but thought to myself-mmm this worked well with at least one of my kids....


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