# Grandparent's Rights



## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Any thoughts on grandparents rights?

While discussing "The Florida Case" with the In-Laws over the weekend, MIL talked about how grandparents have rights. These rights have been upheld in court. For example, if their child dies they can sue the surviving spouse for visitation.

Any thoughts?


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

They scare the hell of out me.

However, I believe that they've not been upheld on appeal in any state.

I think it's a nice thing to keep in touch with an ex-spouse's (or deceased spouse) family. I think if the kids are close to them, then the kids have a right to the grandparents.

However, I do NOT think the grandparents have a 'right' to the kids.

The difference there is subtle, but very important.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

However, I believe that they've not been upheld on appeal in any state.
I'm very relieved to hear this.

Now, both DH & I would want to keep contact with the others parents in the case of death, but if we didn't...

What if I hated my parents, never let my kids see them and then died. So, suddenly my partner & I have no rights? Doesn't make sense to me.

Thanks for telling me about the not upheald part!


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## lisamarie (Nov 19, 2001)

i wish i could write more but baby is on my lap.

pm me if you have any questions (I had to deal w/this issues a bit), but do a search for Granville vs. Troxell. It stemed from Washington State and went to the US Supreme Court re: Grandparents Rights. Grandparents DO NOT have rights per the Supreme court (2000).

good luck-

lisa


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Grandparents should not have the same rights as parents. They shouldn't have any rights to the kids at all - it should be up to the kids!

Grandparents need to let go and remember they had their turn to be parents and now it's their child's turn.

Maybe some of you remember my thread about dd's grandparents cutting her hair...that's what happens when grandparents think they have rights.


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## fyrflymommy (Jan 20, 2003)

.........


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

There was a case a few years ago about a woman whose husband died and she then married? and was going to move out of state. The paternal grandparents sued for visitation and I believe to force the mom into staying in the same state as the grandparents. If I recall correctly, the mother had to stay in the same state while the case was being heard, but eventually one and was able to move. I'm looknig for a link right now.

Grandparent rights are scary. That's anotehr fear of mine. That is Mark died MIL would try to have Kailey taken from me. She has already been pissy because we made guardianship arangements with my sister and not her. Helloo?? the woman is horrible and abusive!!


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Hey Potty Diva, that case was earlier this year. It occurred in Pennsylvania, in my county.

If I'm remembering correcty she has since been allowed to move on as planned, marry and move out of state WITH Her son, but I think they are forced to have him visit the gp at certain times and for a certain number of days.

I think that sucks. We don't get to see my parents, only 4 hours away, as often as that mom is now being forced to have her son visit her former IL's.

I think in that particular case, any money the family lost due to having to rent a place here while making payments on their new house should have to come out of the interfering gp's.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Another scary part about gp rights is in domestic violence cases - the gp's may be awarded custody of their violent son's child because they look better to the judge than a woman who has been in and out of shelters and doesn't have a job. Of course, the gp's allow their son to have access to the child whenever he wants.


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## teastaigh (Dec 17, 2001)

It's been maybe 6 years since I first heard about this "grandparents rights" stuff. I was really shocked that such a thing could possibly be seriously debated in court in the USA. It sounds like something from a conservative, feudal, uneducated society.

So, if I move to Pennsylvania, can I sue my children's grandparents to get them involved in their lives? Can I file a court order to get my mother to at least ask about my children and maybe make the one-hour drive to our home a few times a year to visit them? Why wouldn't grandchildren have rights too, if grandparents are so important?

But, maybe it's not about the possible importance of grandparents in a child's life. Maybe it's about viewing children as property.

I only ever knew one grandparent. She was very self-involved and had no interest in me or my sisters. I didn't think much of her. As I got older, I realized that Grandma was high-maintenance and sometimes nasty. It didn't bug me. I didn't see her very often. My own children have only one grandparent. She's just like my own Grandma -- playing favorites, saying hurtful things, never interacting with my children or even wanting to talk about them ever. My husband says that our son really just doesn't think much of her. Of course, the pain I feel is tremendous. And the anger, and the hurt on behalf of my children.

So, I look for other relationships to substitute -- friends to make our family bigger and safer and grounded. It's hard. People have their own lives and their own families. Good friends move away.

The media, friends, everywhere, I see and hear about Norman Rockwell grandparents -- taking the children fishing, baking cookies, having sleepovers. I feel pain that my children will never know this. I'm not jealous of those who will. I'm happy for them. I want all children to grow in joy and love. This makes the world my own dear wee ones inhabit a better place too.

Some of our children are truly better off without much if any contact with their grandparents. I don't understand this "grandparents rights" stuff. I try to imagine being the grandparent. I think I'd be crushed if my child didn't want me to see my grandchild. I'd be making ammends, seeking therapy, begging forgiveness, trying to find some kind of middle-ground or compromise. And why the focus on the grandchildren as if they are some kind of pawn? What about the adult relationships? This seems to be the root to me ... people who haven't healed their adult relationships have no ground to dictate "rights" to the adult-child's children.

I know there are others, sadly maybe many, for whom the phrase "grandparent rights" makes their heart race and their blood turn cold. I pray for peace and for us not to have to live in fear of these things. It's hard enough to shake off the past and the shadows and chains of painful childhoods. But when I look at my children -- especially in the warmth of the morning -- I feel hope and safety and love. We're all the authors of our own history.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

For anyone who wants to read the Supreme Court case (Troxel v. Granville) regarding the lack of legal rights to visitation, here's the link:

http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/cgi-bi...0&invol=99-138


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

This is a topic that's always been frightening to me. Years ago, my mother threatened me that if I had kids and didn't allow her to see them she'd take me to court and try to convince them that I was abusive. When my son was born I was TERRIFIED for almost a year that she was going to steal my baby.

Funny now, she lives only 20 min away and has seen my kids a total of 4 times in the last year. My kids have NEVER been to her home because it's so disgusting and should be condemned. It makes me sad, I'd like her to have more of a relationship with them.

My in-laws are cold and abusive. I let my kids have a relationship with them that we carefully monitor. Should something happen to dh I would continue this. It's important for my kids to have contact with family. But, do they have 'rights' to my kids? NO! I wanted my children, I love them, I gave birth to them - they're MY responsibility. Should I feel a relationship with a family member is not good for them, then that's MY decision - not the courts.

The case in Pennsylvania was APPAULING! The mother was more than willing to allow visitation with the grandparents. They had NO need to go the rout they did. I feel so bad for this mother. I'm sure she's still paying off lawyers and such. How horrible for her and her child. In this case, if they have visitation rights, then they should also pay some sort of child support.

Whether or not a grandparent is a part of a Childs life should be a moral issue, not a legal one.

My sister has full guardianship of my kids should something happen to us. She's well prepared to fight my in-laws if the need should arise. Everyone should have a game plan for their kids should something happen. It's to frightening to think of what 'could' happen.


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