# Opinions on cosleeping with a teenager



## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

My 13yo ds likes to cuddle and sleep with me when my dh is gone, which is a lot. He's leaving today for a deployment and I know my 13yo will take his spot in my bed. I'm wondering what other people think of this. My dh thinks it's wierd. I don't think I really mind it but maybe my dh's feelings have infiltrated my brain. My dh is my ds' stepfather. We got married 4 years ago. Before that it was just me and my oldest until he was 9yo. I assume this has something to do with it. I also sleep with my almost 6 month old ds but I'm not concerned about my older ds sleeping with my baby.


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## morgan's_mom (Aug 25, 2002)

I don't think it's strange or inappropriate at all. I know a girlfriend of mine coslept with her mother on and off throughout high school (her father died when she was young).


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## beth568 (Jul 1, 2004)

Well, as long as you are comfortable with it and don't feel that anything inappropriate is going on, I see nothing wrong with it.

My father died when I was 9. For a few years after that, I slept in my mom's bed - I think it started while my dad was very ill and in the hospital, and I'd go into my mom's room at night because I was scared. I think part of me also needed to be with her at night to make sure she was safe, if that makes sense, because I was worried that she might die, too.







It continued on and off until I was 12 or 13, if I remember correctly, and eventually I decided I was ready to stay in my own room.

It sounds like it's simply comforting for your DS to be with you, and perhaps he misses his exclusive time with you now that you're married. As he gets older and more conscious of his own sexuality, I expect your son will begin to decide he needs to be on his own, and it will work itself out. For now, it's nice that he still feels so close to you.


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## weetzie (May 29, 2003)

When I was a teen I would cosleep with my mom when my dad was out of town. It wasnt a big issue for anyone. I do not see a problem.


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## TexasSuz (Mar 4, 2002)

I went through a rough time during my senior year in High school and I slept with my mom for about 6 months. I was 16 at the time. I wonder if your dh thinks it's weird because of the gender difference.

The only thing I would worry about was getting him out of your bed when Dh returns. I was so afraid to sleep alone but mom forced the issues after 6 months and it helped me.

Good luck.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Well he'd think I'm really weird then. A few times a year I stay over night at my mom's house. Usually it's because she's had a party of somekind that she wanted my help with. Well she lives an hour away, so it's just easier to stay the night. And guess what, I'm 28 and I sleep in my mom's bed with her when I stay at her house (unless ofcourse she's got a boyfriend staying the night). I don't like sleeping alone, and neither does she







and if we're both there, there isn't any reason for either one of use to suffer the night alone in a cold bed. It's kind of neat too, because if I stir in my sleep, she automatically puts her arm out and rubs my back a bit and says "shhh shhh shhh, it's okay, go back to sleep", LOLOLOL

-Heather


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## Mama2Xander (Jul 3, 2004)

I don't think it's strange...my dh's 3 cousins all piled into bed with their parents on a semi-regular basis throughout their teen years - I thought this was so sweet! The 2 guys are big football players who are now off at university and working, and their younger sister is just going to university this fall. They are some of the nicest well-adjusted people I know, and seem to have a great relationship with each other and their parents.


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

When I was 16 my mother and I had to live with some friends of ours for a while and we shared a bed. I liked it. Nothing wrong with it.


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## fiikske (Jun 29, 2004)

Then I'm a weirdo too







I think we had all possible co-sleep configurations ;-)

I'm 29. I moved out of my parent's house when I was 22 I think. It was always kind of a habit that if my father was abroad, my brother or I would co-sleep with my mom. When living in my own appartment, where I had only one bedroom, it happened quite often that my brother would come for a visit, and we co-slept (we've always shared a room). A couple of months ago I co-slept with my mom and my own daughter. When going on vacation with the mobilhome with my parents (or on small weekend-trips), I co-sleep with my father because that is an easier setting in that mobilhome. Bizarrely, we weren't allowed to co-sleep when we where babies or toddlers









And of course, dh and I co-sleep with our dd...
Greetz,
Fiikske


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## Rainbow (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm just in awe that you have a teenage who wants to cuddle with... I hope I have that good of a relationship with my girls


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Not strange in the least! My son (13 as well) co slept for a long time before choosing to sleep in his own bed more. He will still come in my bed if he is ill, scared, or just feels like he wants to. I see nothing wrong with it at all if you and your son are both comfortable with it. Embrace this time with your teen!







Kristi


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## Jane (May 15, 2002)

I didn't sleep with my parents from 14 to 16, but before and after that, I always climbed in after the alarm rang for 10 more minutes. Or and hour on weekends.
I still sleep with my mom when I go visit her. We keep each other's feet warm.

With that background, I say that it doesn't bother me at all. But I would make sure it's an offer, not an expectation. My parents didn't say a thing when I stopped or when I started again. It was just okay.


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## DesireeH (Mar 22, 2003)

My dad is a truck driver so he was gone alot of nights and me and my brothers used to get up real early and go in their bed, even as teenagers. Or we would get dressed for school and then go in there and pile on the bed until it was time for school. Even now, if my dad is gone on a route and I happen to spend the night, I sleep in my moms bed and I am 24! LOL


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thanks everyone for reaffirming the way I feel. I think it's the gender difference that my dh has the problem with. He has made comments about how our ds is a teenager now so he shouldn't see me naked if he just happens to walk in the room while I'm changing. If he were a girl, there would be no mention of it. I absolutely love that my teenage son still wants to cuddle with me, as a few of you have mentioned. He actually loves to snuggle in bed with me and the baby. It's the sweetest thing. I don't get much time to spend with him during the day because he's always off with his friends. I go to bed so early because of the new baby that nighttime is one of the few times during the day that we have together. Since my dh comes and goes a lot we don't have any problem getting him to go back to his bed when my dh comes home. He knows that's my dh's spot and doesn't even complain. I won't worry about it and just be happy that he still wants to be that close to his mommy.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Maybe the gender difference is bothering him because it's his stepson? You tend to see your own child as your baby, no matter how big they get, but those feelings aren't always there for a stepchild, especially one you didn't raise from babyhood.

-Heather
whose BTDT being a step parent


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## Mamid (Nov 7, 2002)

I hated cosleeping with my mother. Sleeping on the floor or couch was preferable.

Then again, she was a bed hog and a militant smoker. Think that might have had something to do with it?


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## Shonahsmom (Mar 23, 2004)

I think its fine. I wish had been welcome to snuggle in bed with my mom at any point and I remember wishing it as a teen. I wasn't really even allowed in my parent's room, much less their bed.

I will ALWAYS welcome my dd in my bed and I hope she still wants to "snuggle momma" (as she puts it) when she's 40!


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

I think it's fine! My parents didn't co-sleep when I was a baby because I was "not cuddly" and they quickly decided that meant I didn't like it (even tho I would ONLY nap in the sling







). However, when I was older, our bedtime routine was that Dad would read a story to my brother and me on his bed, then talk w/brother in his room while I read for a few minutes in mine, then talk w/me in my room. During the talk, he would lie next to me in bed in the dark. Often he'd fall asleep before I would







and I liked that because he would stay longer. (I was terrified of monsters, etc., and horrible ideas that would come to mind when I was alone.)

When I was 12, Mom started traveling a lot for work. I felt more stressed while she was away, and at the same time I was having to get up much earlier than in previous years because of changing schools. Dad also had to get up much earlier than he would've liked. When Mom was away, he began transitioning into the day by having the clock-radio turn on a favorite program half an hour before we had to get up. I would get up at the same time and get into bed w/him and listen to the radio. There was not much cuddling, but I enjoyed the feeling of closeness and peace.







There was DEFINITELY nothing sexual about it! Some people are just very narrow-minded about what can happen when a male and female are in the same bed.


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## KarmaChameleon (Aug 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers*
It's kind of neat too, because if I stir in my sleep, she automatically puts her arm out and rubs my back a bit and says "shhh shhh shhh, it's okay, go back to sleep", LOLOLOL

-Heather

This actually made me weep instantly as soon as I read the words. It reminds me of that book where it says "I'll love you forever, like you for always, as long as you're living, my baby you'll be..." You know the one?

Thanks a lot. I can't stop crying. I hope my girls come cuddle with me til they're 50.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Ok, so, would you believe after all my worry over this he didn't even try to get in my bed? Last night at around 11 he asked me if I was ready for bed. I told him not yet because I was on the computer. He gave me a kiss and said goodnight and said he was going to bed. I was positive I'd find him asleep in my bed when I went but NO. He went to his own room. Tonight he's sleeping at a friend's. LOL


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## SAHMinHawaii (Jun 2, 2004)

I don't think its wrong either, he is your son and its not gross or weird, just nice.







I just wanted to send you a







. I know your dh deployed a few days ago. Mine deployed in March, i know its tough. PM me if you ever need anything.


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## Pridelandsmommy (Feb 6, 2004)

As long as YOU are fine with it, then I see nothing wrong with it.......I sometimes have all my boys(ages 6-12).....and my little girl........end up sleeping in bed with me!


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

One of my sisters still sleeps with my mom and step-dad and she’s 15. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Well, he climbed in bed with me last night. He kept bugging me about when I was going to bed. I finally got a few minutes to myself around 10 pm after my baby finally went to sleep. He didn't really sleep all day long because he's teething. Anyway, I asked why he wanted to know and he said because he was tired and was waiting for me.









Unfortunately, I hardly got a wink of sleep and woke up with an extremely sore neck and back from having elbows and knees poking me all night long.


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## hunnybumm (Nov 1, 2003)

I also think it is so sweet that at 13 he still wants to sleep with you.







I was not allowed into my parents bed when I was younger. My sister and me have talked about it and we both now sleep with the sheet up to our chins because when we were younger that "kept the monsters away". I hope my son always feels like he can come to me anytime any where.

On a positive note whenever I go to stay with my mom I sleep in the same room or bed with her with my son. My sister and her share a room (not because they want to but because they are living with my grandma and they share the den as their room) so if my sister is staying at her boy friends I would sleep in her bed but if she was staying home my mom, DS and I slept in the same bed. It was nice and cozy. We also shared a bed when I was 7 months preggo, it was so nice.

P.S. we live in NC and my family is in CA so we only get to visit a couple times a year.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Do you think it was Dad that kept kids out of the bed? My dh does not like for my 13yo to sleep with us. He says it's only because he squirms so much that neither of us get any sleep. I read a post on another site a few days ago from a woman who refused to try sleeping with her baby because she knew someone who still slept with her 8yo dd while her dh slept on the couch. I thought it was very sad that she didn't understand that was just how it is in that family and not how everyone is. KWIM?


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