# Need help with toddler hitting dog



## sesa70 (May 12, 2006)

My toddler loves our dogs. She wants to be with them all the time and she almost always has one or the other sitting next to her. The dogs (well one in particular) adores her and is happy to have all the typical toddler-canine interactions.

My worry is that my dd is starting to mistreat the dogs. She likes to throw things at them, particularly their heads, and laugh. It has been going on for months now, and I dont know what to do. Our dogs are great, but they are dogs... I dont know how many times I could stand getting my head whacked with plates, crayons, leggos, shoes, etc before I snapped. I want her to learn to respect them.]

I have tried removing the toy she threw. She just gets another one. She will run after the dog flinging anything available at them and laughing. On the advise of a friend I tried ignoring the behavior and lavishing attention on the dog after it has been hit. She just comes over and pets the dog as well, then proceeds to throw something else at it. I have tried telling her that it hurts the dogs, and that since she loves them so much she should be gentle with them. She shows me gentle by petting them lightly, then proceeds to toss some awful thing at their heads again.

Yes, I can remove the dogs from her area. But that is really a PITA since we have such a small living space. Ultimately I would like to resolve this situation.

Can anyone suggest something? ANy idea why she is doing this and how to stop it?


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

The only real thing I can suggest is to be very clear and firm that hitting the dogs is NOT allowed. I feel very strongly that animals are not to be mistreated, and I make that clear to my ds.

When he'd hit the dogs, I try to find another way to honor that impulse. If it was because he wanted to interact with the dogs, I told him something like "if you want to play with her, throw a ball down the hall for her to chase" or "if you want to pet her, you must do it gently." Sometimes he'd hit because Brooke was too close to him, so I'd tell him "If you want her to back off, say 'back off' and hold your hand up."

If you think your dd's impulse is to throw, redirect her that way.

One final thing, though I'm not sure this applies to your case, is that ds used to hit only one of our dogs. It took me a while to realize that, not only did she not mind it, much of the time she liked it (he was copying the way we'd pat her). She was a bullmastiff, and he was evidently aware of what she was ok with. He never hit our other dog.


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## Blue Lotus (Jun 16, 2006)

Talk about great timing! I was just coming to post this exact question!!! My 19 month old loves our dogs and cats, but she keeps going through phases where she chases and ultimately hits one of them. For us, this is one of our "no" times (we try to limit the "no's" for her), where we tell her very sternly that this behavior is unacceptable.

Rarely will she allow herself to be redirected, and it is really frustrating my DH, who has less patience for that kind of behavior I like the idea about honoring the impulse, but i'm not sure how well it will work for her (she is very .. stubborn.. about stopping things when she is having fun). We really need some suggestions here, so i'm looking forward to seeing what folks have to say!


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## chandistar (Jul 25, 2006)

I am having the same problem with my 15 month old. She likes to hit the dog and pull on the cat's tail. I'm hoping for some great suggestions. Thanks


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

I'm not sure how old your toddler is, but you may just have to separate them, PITA that it is, until your baby is able to treat them appropriately. I would worry, not only about the dogs' safety, but your daughter's as well.

Other than that, can you closely supervise and interrupt any roughness before it begins and show DD gentle touch? Then show her how happy that makes the dog to be petted nicely.


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## AppleCrisp (Aug 19, 2005)

We have this problem too. The only thing that we have a modicum of success with is when he isn't throwing toys at or chasing the dog, we initiate an encounter where we practice petting nicely, and we all get petted - DS, Daddy's whiskers, the dog, etc. Also, we practice "One finger touching" - I say "Show me your one finger" - he sticks out one finger, and we practice specific touching rather than grabbing.

Do they wear jingly collars, or shiny collars, that attract her attention? DS loves to grab her collar and hang on it, and if we take it off her when she's in the house he isn't quite so aware that she's there.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Blue Lotus* 
I like the idea about honoring the impulse, but i'm not sure how well it will work for her (she is very .. stubborn.. about stopping things when she is having fun).

That's part of the beauty of honoring the impulse- they don't necessarily feel like they are being made to *stop* something. kwim? It creates the feeling of working together to find something that makes everyone happy. It sends the message "I know that you have this impulse to express. This action isn't socially acceptable; here is a socially acceptable way to express that impulse."
Distraction was no good with my ds, but redirecting in a way that honored the impulse worked like a charm.
Additionally, he's learned to find solutions that work for everybody (he's actually better at that than I am!).


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## sesa70 (May 12, 2006)

The thing is she knows how to be gentle, and she knows that is how we are supposed to pet the doggies. She can be gentle but I think she is choosing not to be.

I have a hard time honoring the throwing impulse, it usually does not go well for her. I have tried asking her to throw things away from us, throw soft things, etc and it seems to always end up with something hard thrown at one of our heads or the dogs. Either she is having a hard time seeing the distinction between acceptable throwing and dangerous throwing, or she is choosing to ingore it. I think its the latter.

I dont know how to handle it either. I dont want to be overly harsh but the throwing at living things is becoming a problem.


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## highdesertmama (Aug 1, 2006)

Hmmm. I guess I'm lucky in that my toddler hasn't started throwing things at my dogs yet, but we do have some trouble with her taking a swat at them.

My guess is that your dd likes the reaction she gets, either out of the dog or out of you. I would look carefully at what exactly is happening and try to change the dynamic somehow.... is she doing it when you can't see her? or when you are right there?

I would not allow the dogs to be near her without supervision. If she throws something I would ideally catch her in the act and stop her action by holding her arm. I know that is not exactly gd, but I feel strongly about this too, the dogs need to be protected.

I would say something very matter of factly, but firmly, "No, throwing things at the dogs hurts them." and then redirecting like had already been suggested to an appropriate expression. If she will not be redirected and persists, I would separate her from the dogs after the act occurs. If you can't gate the dogs in a separate area, I would use a crate, but my dogs are crate trained. It works very well, my older lab especially will get in it to get away from my dd when he needs a break. The crate is absolutely off limits for my dd.

I'm sorry this is happening, it must be very frustrating!


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## bbsc (Dec 7, 2006)

My son started doing the same things, kicking the dogs and throwing things at them. It took many months of trial and error to figure out what to do. It was very upsetting to me.
For the kicking, I would just model petting the dog, and not mention the kicking at all. I would be very enthusiastic, "Oh, I just LOVE petting Milo, look how much Milo likes it when we pet him." Hundreds of times!
And for the throwing, my son likes to have a target to aim at. We've used the potty chair, various boxes and bowls. We also got a toy bowling set that he enjoys setting up the pins and throwing the balls at them.
He'll be three tomorrow and I haven't seen any kicking in a month or two now.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

We've been going through this with my 21 mo ds and our cats. He knows gentle touch, and does it on occasion. However, when he is feeling fiesty, he will chase them and hurt them. We have one cat in particular who is such a sweetie, and will let my ds do anything to him without scratching. It is so frustrating. For right now, we have to keep the cats (when they are inside) in our bedroom so that he does not hurt them. If they are out in the main area, I have to watch ds every second to make sure he isn't going after them. Once he does go after them, I suggest using gentle touch, and remove the cat from the room if he tries to be rough with them.

My older two learned gentle touch and empathy really quickly. They never went through a phase like this so I'm a bit







:


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