# ttc again or call it quits?



## goylesgirl (Feb 5, 2006)

Anybody else dealing with this issue?

I am 36 as of Friday. Thursday my OB confirmed I will be miscarrying for the second time this year. His theory is it is bad luck and advanced age. I don't feel that old (or at least I didn't untill Thursday), but maybe I am.

I have three children ranging in age from almost 12 to just 2. I have been doing this for a long time, maybe I'm just done? I don't feel like I'm wanting for anything, yet I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact my baby rearing days might be over. I know, personally, I didn't want to be 40 with a newborn, but we really thought there might be room for at least one more in the family and a shot at a baby boy for DH.

Anyway,the reason I am trying to figure this out now is I feel this decision will determine how I process this miscarriage. If this is truly it for us, I need to have a natural miscarriage at home. If we are going to try again, I want to do it soon and am considering a D&C.

We've talked about it alot the past couple of days, but are just not sure. Are my hesitations fear based, or is it the mature decision?


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## chels_c2000 (Jul 29, 2007)

I am so sorry for you loss!!! Miscarriages are always discouraging. As for trying again, that has to be a personal choice. I definately don't think you are too old. One place you might want to check out is under the pregancy after loss. Hope, Healing, and Trying. I am sure lots of the ladies will be eager to support you!!!


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## mamallama (Nov 22, 2001)

I am sorry for your loss.

It must be really hard to make such an important decision right now.


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## ahdoula (Sep 5, 2006)

I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make! Give your self time, right after a loss OR a birth is never a good time to make life changing decisions right away like calling it quits or ttc!


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.







And I definitely do not think that 36 is too old.

My one m/c was a very fast process, so for me I would probably have a natural m/c and then try again. How long has it taken in the past for your body to get back on track after a m/c? Trying again is such a personal choice, I can tell you what I would do, but you and your dp will have to make that decision.


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## goylesgirl (Feb 5, 2006)

My last mc the baby stopped developing around 5wks, I passed a lot of tissue over about two days and continued to bleed for almost 2 weeks. This time the baby is measuring over 9wks. I had some extrememly severe cramping all through the night but not much bleeding. Just before I was ready to break down and ask DH to take me to the hospital,my water broke which relieved alot of my pain. I passed some clots, but it does not seem close to last time, when I know there should be quite a bit more. My cramps have subsided to a general pressure and there is not much bleeding now. Is this an incomplete miscarriage? Will I need a D&C anyway? I went ahead and scheduled one for tommorrow, knowing I can always cancel. I just don't know what to do.

Part of the reason I was considering a D&C is so they could do testing. My children have been a wondefull support all day and I know I am emotional and hormonal, but I do think I want to try again and I am aware of my fears (there are plenty) so who knows.

Thank you to all who have read me ramble and vent and thank you for your support.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *goylesgirl* 
Part of the reason I was considering a D&C is so they could do testing.

I'm not entirely sure, but can you take some of the tissue in for testing? Someone else probably knows a lot more than me on this.


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## Rockies5 (May 17, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

One thing to consider if that after a D&C there has to be a waiting cycle because of the risk of the operation itself. The same is not true of a natural loss, even if for some it might take a few days for the hormones to recede to the point where the physical part of the miscarriage to happen.

Also in a D&C, your hormones are more likely to be out of sync.

I can't tell you what to do, either; but think mourning the baby and respecting the process and allowing a little time to pass is needed by most people (myself included) before making these life decisions.


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## ~Mamaterra~ (Jul 5, 2006)

Dear Mama,

I too share the same sentiments about being too old and maybe calling it quits. I am 37 on Thursday and am currently suffering my fourth loss this year.

I feel exactly the same way...may I am done....maybe my body isn't capable of carrying another child....maybe I am being greedy.

But I tell you what, as my body is preparing to lose this little bean, I still feel the fight in me. Today, I am going to march into the doctors office and demand every test available to figure out what is going on. I am not ready to go silently into that night. We wanted one more baby....I want one more baby....our family is not complete without that child!!!

But I have to keep fighting because if I don't keep fighting, I would probably die...
So for me, it is a matter of survival.

Please feel free to PM me and talk as I soooo know what you are going through.

I am soooo sorry for all of the pain and all of the questions.


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## rach03 (Dec 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *apecaut* 
I'm not entirely sure, but can you take some of the tissue in for testing? Someone else probably knows a lot more than me on this.

You can...that's what I did when I spontaneously miscarried at home the first time. The 2nd miscarriage we opted to do a D&C to make sure the tissue was "fresh." If the baby remains inside you for a long time like with my first miscarriage, sometimes they have trouble growing the tissue to do the genetic testing.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

since a d and c can cause problems conceiving I would go the natural route.







and still TTC . I am 38 now and i feel like there is one more baby in my future....


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## apmama2myboo (Mar 30, 2005)

i had a d&c on the 13th, and am still bleeding/spotting. I am 34, will be 35 in March. I don't think age has everything to do with it, as I know people younger than me who have m/c and I know people older who have as well. A guy my dh works with has known THREE women in the last month who were well into the 2nd tri and had m/c, unfortunately i was one of the three, but there are two other women there also. It just happens, and even if there are never answers from tissue tests (Which I am waiting to hear back about on the 3rd myself), I think you just have to look down inside yourself and question what you're willing to go through as a woman, a mother, as a family and with your other kids, and if you want to try for another one, then do it unless there is some medical reason standing in your way like cancer or something. Think of all the women throughout time who were farm mothers, starting to have kids at 16 or so, and then having like 10-12 children to help them run the farm. they kept making babies until they were in their 40's, many of them, and they often lost many along the way. The question you face is a very personal one, but fwiw we are going to try for a 2008 baby, and in the meantime I plan to do everything possible to make my body a healthy place for this next one. best of luck to you and I hope you come to peace, with whatever you decide.


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