# My younger sister and her DH are TTC and it's killing me...



## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

My DH husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant. We were thrilled to learn we were pregnant back in April, and then, 8 weeks into the pregnancy, I had a miscarriage.

Now my sister and her DH are starting to try to conceive, and it's throwing me for a loop She's my younger sister, younger by two years. I'm 33, she's 31. She's in her fourth year of residency as an OB/GYN. She had an unintended pregnancy with a different man before she got married to her DH. In that case she was using a condom, but it broke, and then she took the morning after pill and it didn't work, so she had a D & C. This really bothers me for some reason. I guess because she didn't want that baby and we so badly wanted ours.

How do you cope with this kind of thing? I've been able to deal with lots of friends and colleagues getting pregnant, but this has been really hard. I think part of it is that when we actually got pregnant I was so excited to have the first grandchild in the family, and now it's hard to take those feelings back.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

My sister just had a baby boy a month before ALexis died...and we talk on the phone alot..it kinda brings tears to my eyes to hear her play with him in the background..so I know what you're feeling.







:


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## NWmt_mama (Jul 22, 2005)

That happened to us, too although it was my younger brother and SIL (who I love) and first grandbaby, too. It is really tough. For a long time I was sad about it, but never said anything to them. It was just a constant reminder to me of what wasn't going to be. I felt really guilty, too, as they are wonderful people and were so, so supportive during the pg and m/c. Close friends assured me that it was "normal" to have these feelings and that it is OK to mourn what you lost and what isn't happening.

We waited a while after the m/c to TTC due to family travel plans and not feeling emotionally ready. Every time I talked with them I braced myself for the news that they were pg.

The horrible thing is they have been TTC for over a year and haven't gotten pg, so I feel really bad for them. Before this, I never knew how emotionally charged TTC, babies, pg, m/c was. I don't have any advice, just







.


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## arturosmom (Jul 1, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel, my SIL is preggy, she found out a couple of weeks after my son was born stillborn, it sucks.

Arturo Eric







4-25-06

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

Several people in my 'circle of moms' are currently pregnant. It's really hard for me to be around those people. I am so happy for them, but I wish I was still pregnant too.

I've chosen to step back from my previous activities. I'm not going to playgroup where I know there will be pregnant moms. I'm not active with LLL right now, because seeing moms with new babies is just too much for me. I don't know when I'll re-engage. I don't know how long it will take me to get over this, and be able to be around pregnant people without crying afterwards. But for the short term, I'm okay with just hanging close to home and staying away from things I know will hurt me.


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Thalia,
I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. Even though I am not ready to be pregnant again just yet, hearing and seeing others who are pregnant can be really emotional for me too. I think it is especially painful when it is someone who is close to you. I wish you hope and healing


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## rou16151 (Jun 22, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through the same thing. My baby girl was supposed to be the first granddaughter on my side of the family. There are five boys already. About a week after I lost my daughter, my brother's girlfriend found out that they are having a girl. To make things worse, she has admitted that the baby may not even be my brothers and he is such a nice guy that he will raise it. As of right now, I don't think that I'm going to see the baby when it's born and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the holidays. The shelfish part of me really hopes that my brother will have a paternity test done and the baby will not be his. I'm sorry that I do not have a good answer for you, but know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.


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## Woodland (Mar 6, 2006)

My SIL is pregnant, I was due a month after her. I miscarried early this month, I was 8 weeks. I feel pretty much okay with the miscarriage but when my dh mentions visiting her, I get really upset. How can I deal with this? Am I jealous or what?


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

Thanks, everyone. It still hurts, but it's helpful to know that I am not alone.


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## Miguelsmomma (Jul 27, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel. About two weeks after I lost my first baby in March of 2004, my best friend became pregnant with her third baby from three different fathers. She was married to this one, but not happily. In fact, she used to act like she hated him. She didn't even sleep with him. She used to sleep with her other two boys. We teased her that he had to have supersperm for it to get all the way across the house to her.
My baby was due November 18, and her baby shower was on November 20. I sat in the bathroom at the shower and cried for quite awhile. I was there when he was born. All of it was so very hard to handle, but I got through it. You will have a lot of feelings that will seem very mean and selfish, how could she have a baby now before me when she was so callous as to have gotten rid of her first baby? and Why is she the one who did something like that, but I feel like the one being punished? Just try to acknowledge your feelings and know that they are valid.
Rosalie 12/05/44-1/14/05







:







: Sam 3/27/04







Miguel Leonard 7/18/06


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

Quote:

You will have a lot of feelings that will seem very mean and selfish, how could she have a baby now before me when she was so callous as to have gotten rid of her first baby? and Why is she the one who did something like that, but I feel like the one being punished?
Yes, I have had those exact thoughts. It is so, so, depressing. I want to just be excited for my sis. I would have been really excited, I think, if we had been pregnant at the same time.

But it helps to hear that you got through it and even were able to be at the birth. You must be a good friend!


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