# Alternatives to Porn?



## luv my 2 sweeties (Aug 30, 2003)

Phew! It's been ages since I've been here, but I used to be really active. (I now have 3 sweeties, but I'm not bothering to change my username.) 

So my son is 13 and I found some porn searches on his browser.  T&A stuff - the kind of thing you'd expect from a 13 year old. I had a conversation with him about how curiosity is normal but why I think it's not in his long term interest to consume internet porn. (Lots of research on that; not interested in debate.) I talked about how I feel it exploits and devalues women and girls and the link to human trafficking. I'm going to give him some printed material to drive the point home. So far, so good. I'm comfortable with my response thus far and I feel like he was able to hear what I was saying.

Here's where I feel at a loss. He's 13. Hopefully it will be a long time before he experiences actual sex with a real girl. I don't want to leave him with a feeling that sexual fantasy and feelings are off limits. They aren't. Internet porn and other images that promote violence and self-gratification without concern for the other person are what's off limits. Thinking about girls is definitely not off limits, but I'm not sure that came across strongly enough in our conversation. We'll keep talking. 

The money question: Where can a teen boy get exposure to images and ideas about romance and relationships (and even clothed but attractive female bodies) that are healthy and promote his growth into full and responsible manhood? There are some conservative Christian resources, but we aren't necessarily that strict. (I don't expect him to wait until marriage for example, just until he's significantly older and more mature.) I would love any ideas. Thanks.


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## newmamalizzy (Jul 23, 2010)

There are some decent erotic type videos out there. Is that the kind of thing you mean? I used to be able to handle porn but absolutely can't anymore. The type of video I'm talking about purports to be instructional, often eastern philosophy type stuff. Oh, and don't forget The Joy of Sex!!! My parents' copy of that was definitely my first introduction to all things sexual.


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## luv my 2 sweeties (Aug 30, 2003)

Mmm, not quite. I was thinking more teen romance, but something that would appeal to boys. Most stuff I've seen is aimed at girls. Thank you for responding though. Those suggestions might be something to keep in mind for later. I have book similar to that (how-to type book) that depicts mutual respect and normal body types. Not ready to leave it lying around yet, but maybe at some point...

Here's an example of what I mean. (Can't believe I didn't think about it earlier.): I'm reading a novel right now whose protagonist is a teenage boy. His thoughts about the girls around him are sometimes frankly erotic, sometimes embarrassing, sometimes exciting, sometimes confusing. But he also relates to these girls as friends and fellow travelers. He respects them and tries to keep his control center in his head instead of his dick, lol. Yet he doesn't despise his erotic thoughts or feel terribly shameful about them. At worst, they frustrate him a little in their insistancy. He sometimes wishes they'd leave him alone for a while. That's not even what the book is about, really, but the author (Orson Scott Card) includes it as part of the character's inner life. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about: depiction of male teen sexual desire as normal AND compatible with healthy every-day relationships with girls. It kind of depresses me how rare this is in our culture. :frown:

I'd give him the book I just described, but he's not much of a reader. Maybe he would listen to it on audio. Other suggestions appreciated. Thanks.


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## newmamalizzy (Jul 23, 2010)

Ahhh, sorry. I had a feeling you wouldn't be actually giving him erotic videos, but I could understand the urge to. I'm guessing most young boys will seek out porn, and it would be nice to have a something better in that realm for them to see.

But, yes, I get what you're saying about exploring one's sexuality in a different way. I'm kind of at a loss there. Hope you get some good suggestions though.


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## joanatron (Feb 17, 2013)

I have nephews your sons age. They are very into a new movement called fight the new drug. http://www.fightthenewdrug.org It is a love movement that fights porn. Porn is not normal. I love that you had an honest conversations about the risks involved with porn. Hopefully this site will help. They have all kinds of swag.


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## luv my 2 sweeties (Aug 30, 2003)

Thank you Jonatron! I did find that site. Some of material I found to share with him was from there. I'm glad to know it's something boys are caring about.


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## kindofcrunchy82 (Jan 11, 2012)

that organization seems great. I know this porn topic can be sensitive. I browsed the site, it is nice to see so many men part of the organization. It seems like males usually get a pass to look at porn, but i know there are many that are actually grossed out by it. 

I have never been a fan of porn, mainly because of the op's reasonings, I know it is a tough battle in our electronic age. I haven't had issues yet since my ds isn't interested yet...but i read this posts in looking toward the future and what i may encounter. 

OP can you filter the computer? I don't know if that is what you are wanting to do, but if you feel so strongly against it, it is your house...your rules.


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