# Toddler needs constant contact, mother hits brick wall



## aelial (Sep 27, 2007)

I'm just looking for a couple of "Yeah, I've been there"s!

I am slowly approaching howling and tearing my hair out because our 12-month-old will not sleep unless I am in the room with him. I used to be able to get away with nursing him down at 8-ish, coming up to comfort him once around 10, and then crawling into bed myself at midnight to nurse as I fell asleep. Nowadays he won't stay asleep longer than 30 minutes if I'm not in bed with him, and frequently I can't even leave the bed at all!

My options are
a)Go to sleep at 8pm (I need the sleep, but I just can't force myself to do it)
b)Stay in bed with a book or laptop (not the worst alternative in the world, but I do occasionally want to watch a movie or spend time with my husband or tidy up or talk on the phone in the evening)
c)Take my chances with putting him in the carrier after he falls asleep (sometimes works, more often wakes him up completely, and he won't go to sleep for another 2 hours)
d)Throw a childish hysterical tantrum about being tied up and chained to a small person 24 hours a day, throw things, stamp feet, and run screaming into the night (this might have happened once or twice...)

He is also nursing almost hourly at night, thus leaving me a stupefied zombie for most of the day.

As I sit here and write, I realize that this must have something to do with him learning to walk - it started about the same time. Also, it must not be helping that we have both had at least three colds in the last six weeks. So I guess it's perfectly normal, it will pass, and once again I am getting all panicked about a temporary problem.

Maybe I can figure out a way to draw in bed, and use this as an opportunity to finally get through "Drawing On the Right Side of the Brain"!

All right, I feel better now. Thank you for listening


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## kikidee (Apr 15, 2007)

Ah yes. I have been there!

All I can say is that this will pass. You are right, it's probably got something to do w/ the walking and all that fun stuff. When DD got molars, holy moly.. holy molars! HA! See? I'm sleep deprived and that is funny.







Seriously, though - it's been getting better lately. But it was a good 3 month stretch there where it was rough and I was starting to think that those sleep trainers were on to something. Not that I would do it... but you really do hit a wall.

So hang in there mama!!


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

We're in the middle of that right now.

We just gave up. Our DD now goes to bed with us at 11 or 12 pm. It works for us. I sneak out of bed after she had a good nurse sometime between 8 and 9am. Then she sleeps until 10 (sometimes 11) am and I have some nice alone time.

Our main goal is to prevent her from taking a 'nap' at 8pm. She will only sleep for that dreaded power nap length of 20 to 30 minutes. Then she is up for sure until 12 or even later.

Do you need him to get up early. I just know a couple other families who shifted their babies to this sort of schedule. Instead of 8pm to 7am - it's 11pm to 10am. The same amount of sleep - just later.


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## aelial (Sep 27, 2007)

Kessed,

That sounds great!

Honestly, "just giving up" was one of the options I didn't list. It's come down to this often, though, especially when friends are over and I really really don't want to be stuck upstairs convincing anyone to stay asleep. A few days ago I actually found myself watching Twin Peaks together with both my husband and the baby









Unfortunately, his internal alarm clock seems to work without any reference to when he actually went to bed, or how many hours of sleep he's had. Whether in bed by 8, or in bed by 11, he is up at 8am, 8:30 at the latest.

Your solution sounds heavenly, though! Time alone in the morning is a tempting alternative to time alone at night.


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## MCsMom (Jan 15, 2006)

I have tried -d- a few times myself, I have found it a very temporary fix. Don't forget to grab a jacket on your way out.

(((Hugs)))


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Yeah, I've been there and I think it's likely your babe is going through a growth spurt and simply needs to nurse more frequently.

Also, if your babe is walking, they are discovering new things throughout the day and don't want to stop to nurse during the day, so they make up for it at night.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

OMG ME TOO!!!!!! Only, dd is 33 months old, and I am 7 months pregnant. I'm hot, uncomfortable, and completely touched out. She wants to nurse and pinch and poke and prod me all. night. long. She also wants to sleep totally pressed up against my back, making me sweat profusely, preventing me from turning around-something I need to do like 4295867395 times a night now-and also waking every hour, thus waking me every hour. I honestly don't have a clue what I will do in 2 months when I also have a newborn!!!!! I hate to tell her I don't want to snuggle her. She will start bargaining with me "I think I need to snuggle for a few minutes mama." "I need to hold you for a little while mama" How can I say no???? I have no advice, as obviously, we are at almost 3 years old and it's actually getting worse! At 12 months she was better than she is now, staying asleep for a few hours without me right. next. to. her. But now, I literally have NO time without her. She will NOT stay asleep if I put her to bed and then get up, and she also will NOT sleep in, no matter how early I wake up. Ahhhhhhhh!!!! I just want 1/2 hour, either at night or in the morning. That's all. Is that too much to ask!??!?!?!


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## erinwynne (Jan 10, 2007)

I know how you feel! I have surrendered to option B at the moment. I put my 13 month old to sleep (in our bed) at 7 and then I read/look at the computer in bed until my bed time. Do I feel like I slave to the bed? Sometimes. Do I consider doing it another way? Never (almost). I fee overwhelmed that I never get enough done during the day, but I just can't seem to come up with another option I feel OK with. Good Luck!!!!


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

haha..I am doing it right now and have been doing this since DS1 was born 28 months ago...and I laugh again...hahaha

No I am not saying there's no hope..but I've been "desensitized"...just going with the flow now...sometimes he wakes up every 45 min...sometimes doesn't wake up at all.

DS1 is highly spirited so his bedtime is crazy...only way for him to sleep well is no naps and keep him entertained through his tantrums.

I have basically stopped the "trying to solve my child sleep problems" mindset. I just don't get it. Some babies sleep well and some don't. And when they do sleep well, you have no idea how it happened and you hyst want to cry out of joy.

By the way...DS2 sleeps perfectly...wakes up at 1am and 6am.


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## eli janine (Jun 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MCsMom* 
I have tried -d- a few times myself, I have found it a very temporary fix. Don't forget to grab a jacket on your way out.

(((Hugs)))

Yup!^I agree! (Mine is 12 mos as well, and the only thing that saves my sanity is that he will sleep with his dad, and DH has to go to work at 3:30 a.m. and is more than happy most nights to go to sleep with him early. I just have to nurse him before DH takes him and right as soon as I get to bed, 10ish or 11ish, depending on the amt. of stuff I have to do. Avery, too, can go to sleep at 10 or 11 and STILL wake up bright and early, just a little more edgy! And on week days, I have to get him off and running by 7:00, so that doesn't work. But I've done the tantrum thing, plenty of times. More than I'd like anyone to know about, honestly.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Purity♥Lake~* 
Yeah, I've been there and I think it's likely your babe is going through a growth spurt and simply needs to nurse more frequently.

Also, if your babe is walking, they are discovering new things throughout the day and don't want to stop to nurse during the day, so they make up for it at night.

And I totally agree with this, too. Avery is learning to walk right now, too, and I've been noticing he hardly ever stops and sits for a good nursing during the day anymore. Sure enough, he's working on it more at night. Also, whenever he has a cold, he practically likes to nurse the entire night through because it helps his sinuses and throat feel better, I think.

Good luck, Mama, and keep in mind it is temporary. Working/reading in bed is okay. Sometimes mine will fall asleep on my lap if I'm watching TV or a movie. Sometimes.


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *erinwynne* 
I know how you feel! I have surrendered to option B at the moment. I put my 13 month old to sleep (in our bed) at 7 and then I read/look at the computer in bed until my bed time. Do I feel like I slave to the bed? Sometimes. Do I consider doing it another way? Never (almost). I fee overwhelmed that I never get enough done during the day, but I just can't seem to come up with another option I feel OK with. Good Luck!!!!

Yeah, me too, exactly. I also have to nap with him all day too! I counted. Today I spent 6 hours out of bed. SIX. TOTAL. Are you SERIOUS? And I'm also seven months pregnant and have nooooo idea what will happen to this kid when there's ANOTHER babe in the house. Wahhhh. Something's gotta give...







At night I have to text message my husband (can't shout and wake the baby up) if I have to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. We have to do a quick-switch in bed because if he realizes that he doesn't get full body contact for more than 30 seconds, he's UP, and once he's up, he's up. For hours. Screaming. Come on, man...


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

i just wanted to say i love this thread. this is my life. i also have to take every nap with DD. she will not sleep alone. rarely ever has. maybe a handful of times. only once slept more than two hours and she will be one next month. i often worry when/if i have another babe. but when you look at it over the span of the past 1.7 million years or so of our species, we have always slept with our babes so they are just wanting what they have been programmed to need. i am just trying to become zen and tao with it all. oh i have a good booklight and i am getting some relaxation cds to listen to!


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

Yeah, last night I signed up for an audiobook rental club... It's kinda like netflix just for audio CD's. Babe doesn't mind the noise but if he sees me reading or on the laptop he will get way happy and interested in it and try to tear it apart...


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## JessBB (Apr 10, 2007)

I am standing here







b/c this is my life, too!

My ds is 11 months and while he has never been a great (or good, or decent) sleeper, in the last month we have entered the valley of the shadow of death - six teeth, standing, babbling, norovirus and two colds. For a couple nights ne woke up EVERY.15.MINUTES. Isn't there a law against that? And naps - seriously, I love me some television, but 2 x 2 hour naps plus the hours of 8-11 pm are a loooong time to spend warming my backside on our sofa! If I even *think* about laying him down in the p-n-p next to our bed (where he used to sleep), well, you know what happens!

He's been asleep for two hours and I just successfully did a lap switch with visiting MIL so I could pee. Promise me that someday he'll want nothing to do with my lap, right?


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## velcromom (Sep 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JessBB* 
Promise me that someday he'll want nothing to do with my lap, right?

My five year old laid & snuggled with me today for...

15 seconds.

It was a rare treat. This too shall pass.


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## Xpcting#3 (Nov 7, 2007)

I'm struggling with my 21mo old DS - will fall asleep like an angel after a few stories and songs, but only if his arm is looped around my neck and his hand entwined in my hair, his face snuggled up to mine. Even if he isn't clutching me, as soon as I try to creep out of the bed, his eyes fly open and the SCREAMING begins because I have BETRAYED him, trying to leave him ALONE!

This happens over and over again, for an hour to two hours. If I try to tear myself away in the middle of the night, he usually wakes up, too - which poses a problem for me (four months pregnant) and my bladder. I'd love to just take the opportunity to get more sleep, but I have sooo much work to do once the kids are in bed, right?

Good to find solidarity here - of course, any successful tips would be worth gold.

Here's hoping #3 will be a sleeper...


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## Breastfeeding Insomniac (Jan 15, 2007)

My 21 month old is the same way. I get him to sleep in bed and then I know the race is on if I want to take a shower, have something to eat, etc. Usually within 30 mins of leaving him in bed he knows I am up, he wakes up, I go back to bed with him, and for the rest of the night I really can't leave his side, as soon as I move beyond a millimeter away, he senses it, and starts to wake up. He has truly been this way since birth, and out of 4 kids, he is the only one who has needed me at bedtime this much.


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## kpb (Jul 1, 2006)

ok ok I'm no expert--not even close--but in the past few months I've come into contact with lots of info on sensory processing issues....Most of it occurs from ages two and on, so I can't speak for the littles....but there's something called proprioreceptors, and its basically what happens to the body when one closes their eyes--where one feels himself in space. For lots of kids, when they close their eyes and fall asleep, they sort of disappear, so they *need* to have someone next to them to seemingly keep them grounded.....DS does this occasionally, usually when we have had a busy domestic day and we didn't have lots of close contact...to remedy the situation, besides ensuring adequate amounts of bear hugs and human burritos
(seriously, its a clinical tactic that works!),
I put a heavier comforter on him, along with some extra bunkers--teddy bears, pillows, etc, to make him feel secure....this works, even though he was the newborn who tore free of his swaddling blanket at 3 seconds old and has since never wanted to feel confined (hardly allowed to sling him, no pack and play, limited crib time, etc) Some kiddos just need to feel like they're in a smaller surround, given some boundaries, and squeezed really tight







so that they know they're safe and HERE in this moment and time.

google it...it's pretty cool stuff.............best!
Kyara


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Thank you kpb, that is so true with Abigail.

She NEEDS to touch me in her sleep to know I'm there, she's there and all is right in the world.

Even thought Sophia isn't a snuggler, she still needs to keep a leg, foot or her butt sticking out to touch my back.


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