# I don't know what to do.



## octobermoon (Nov 22, 2007)

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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

First off-








I don't really know what to tell you, but felt like I needed to respond.
I have a good friend who had about 3 abortions in her younger days that she terribly regrets. I've never gone into the details with her too much, but her and her DH have gone on to have many kids. I'm sure its got to be a difficult thing to get through, and all I can say is









I can say that there seems to always be a reason to wait. And as scary as it can feel sometimes, there are also times to just jump in with both feet. We tried for three years to get pregnant and it never happened. After fostering and giving up on the idea of biological kids, we finally got pregnant, a bit of a surprise. Life has been a rollercoaster since then, kids came pretty fast after that, but every one has added nothing but love to our household, and I never regret it a moment.


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## JMJ (Sep 6, 2008)

There is no time that you will ever think that you will both think that it is perfect to have a kid. There will always be one concern or another. Maybe it's just a matter of when your reasons to have a baby now outweigh your reasons not to have a baby now. My DH and I wondered every month for almost a year if next month would be right. We wondered if our relationship was in the right place. We wondered if our past mistakes had been adequately dealt with. We wondered about getting pregnant while I was still in school (even though the baby wouldn't have been born until after graduation). We wondered if there was anything else we were supposed to do before starting a family. We wondered about work situations and possibly having to move. We even wondered how we were going to be able to keep the house in order with another person in it when we had so much trouble with just the two of us.

I don't know what your spiritual preferences are, but it might help to pray or meditate or something, to explore and deal with your own feelings, to look for your purpose as far as children are concerned. My DH and I prayed about what God wanted in our lives and also explored what we wanted. We had a long conversation (one of many) about what was really keeping us from just going for it. Somehow, this time, we seemed to find a peace deeper than anything we had found before. I fell another leap deeper in love with my husband that day. Probably 24-48 hours later, we were pregnant.

I just wanted to add that I think that healing from something like an abortion or a miscarriage comes in stages. You may feel like you've done everything you can do/need to do to get over it, and you want so much to move past it. However, you still state that your abortions and miscarriage are primarily responsible for your fears. If it's still getting in the way, maybe there is more healing that you need to find. Maybe the way to find it is to open yourself up to bringing forth life. Maybe you're not ready for that step in healing yet. What would you need to do to be ready for that?


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## Calee (May 10, 2008)

Hugs to you!

The fear will never completely go away. Being a parent is a big deal. I agree with the others who say that there will never be a perfect time. As human beings, we will ALWAYS have hurts, and issues, and imperfect things to deal with. We will always be imperfect people.

That doesn't mean that you can't be a good parent. It is a process for all of us. No one feels 100% confident and 100% positive about parenting 100% of the time.

In some ways, I am thankful I got pregnant unexpectedly. The day after my positive (surprise!) pregnancy test, my husband lost his job and our insurance. Two weeks later we had to move out of our rental home. We lived with friends for two months until we got back on our feet. NOT a perfect time to be pregnant.

However, we DID IT. And we have an incredible 9 month old son that I adore, and we made it through that hard time, and we are ok. There are always fears and insecurities about parenting. But there is also so much joy.


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## octobermoon (Nov 22, 2007)

thanks everyone of you for sharing something with me.







your kind words are helping. it's nice to be reassured that everyone is frightened and that there never is a *perfect* time. i know this is true in my heart, but i did need the reminder.

JMJ we have been praying like crazy! would you mind saying a prayer for us? also, what finally did it for you guys? i mean if it's not too personal, i was curious if there was a specific word that did it or was it more a feeling?

CALEE







congrats on your son! thanks for your compassion and giving me that boost! your right we are in process and will be in process as long as we breathe.

i think we may go ahead and try this next ovulation........hope i don't chicken out......i have AF now so a few more days and.........you know the rest.


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## JMJ (Sep 6, 2008)

Absolutely, I'll be praying for you. I think it was more of a feeling. I can hardly remember all the specifics of the conversation, but unlike all the conversations before, when we finished, we felt like we were emotionally on the same page and at peace with whatever God would bring us next, not to mention... shall we say... in the mood. Finding out I was pregnant still seems surreal, but we are both absolutely thrilled. The thing with fertility is you don't have total control. No matter how hard you try to avoid pregnancy, it may still come, and no matter how hard you try to get pregnant, it doesn't always happen. We really feel like we put it in God's hands, and the blessing we received was really a gift that God chose to give us, so He must have thought we were ready. There is a real peace knowing that, and we are ready to take on the challenge of parenthood without looking back.


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## octobermoon (Nov 22, 2007)

thanks JMJ obviously if you read my "poll" on this forum you can tell i am still trying to figure things out







oh well ill get there eventually.....


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