# Postpartum Sex...how long did you REALLY wait?



## OldFashionedGirl (Mar 22, 2004)

Okay, I know the "official" verdict is 6 wks. I've also heard whenever you quit bleeding and feel like it.

Now, I'm probably in the minority here, but I had DS Feb. 1 (3 wks ago), and I'm going to die if I don't get laid soon







I haven't had any bleeding for the last two days, and part of me would really like to give it a whirl (with a lot of KY Jelly!)...part of me thinks that maybe I should really wait the 6 wks.

So how long did you wait? Should I suck it up and keep my legs crossed for another few weeks or give it a try? (I KNOW what my bf would say







)


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## Miasmamma (Sep 20, 2006)

I waited three weeks. I was mentally ready 3 days PP, but I had stitches so I know I wasn't really ready. I did bleed afterwards though the first time. More than I thought I would, so be prepared if that happens. We put down an old towel just to be safe.


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## Scrubsjm (Apr 28, 2006)

I can't believe I'm posting this but we waited 10 days, yes you read that right a whole 10 days. In our defense we couldn't the entire pregnancy, and after that many months of abstinence, we weren't waiting 6 weeks. So I would say if you feel up to it, go for it.


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## NamastePlatypus (Jan 22, 2007)

13 monthes







:








:


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

Haha, I hear you Platypus, I was just coming in to say three months, and nothing regular since then.

This seems to be one of those things were there is tremendous personal variation.


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## OldFashionedGirl (Mar 22, 2004)

Okay, just knowing that I'm not the only "lunatic" thinking about breaking the six-week "rule" makes me feel better. I guess I was marginally concerned that I was going to...I don't know...sprout a horn or something as a result


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

4 weeks, but it was nothing spectacular, and nothing regular since then. We're just now getting back to maybe once a week.


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

*12 weeks, maybe 13* -- I know we were DTD at week 14 and that wasn't the first, but alomst the first....for a long time it was once a week (n ot the 5 or 6 that DH was used to, and is getting again now).

And I only did it then for DH -- hated it -- still don't really like it. would have waited looooooonger if it was me alone.

A


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## granolalight (Nov 1, 2006)

DS is almost 3 months and we still haven't. Emotionally I want to, physiclaly, I don't feel ready. I am nervous.

Our third trimester sex was great. Right up until the day before DS was born!! Go figure.







:


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

We waited 9 weeks, and then probably another 2 months before attempting again as it hurt me. At 6 months, we have only dtd a handful of times since, but they're getting more regular and less painful. However, I had a 4th degree tear







I was pretty horny the first couple weeks (your hormones are doing crazy things and you're falling in love with your new baby which makes you fall in love with DH in a whole new way.)

If you didn't tear, have stopped bleeding, and want to, I'd say use lots of lube take it slow, keep expectations low, and try it out. Be prepared to stop if it hurts or your DC interupts. Make sure DH is prepared to stop too.

Good luck - have fun.


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## mesmerize138 (Apr 1, 2006)

7 weeks for us. I was emotionally ready about 15 minutes after delivery ... for some reason labor/delivery made me really horny!







But I definitely wasn't physically ready for weeks afterwards.


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## AmieV (Mar 31, 2005)

I thought you really *had* to wait the 6 weeks, but then I remember some ladies in my DDC chatting it up about doing it earlier. I was physically healed and ready at probably 2 weeks, but waited till 5 because I didn't get the memo that I didn't need to be waiting till then!









FWIW I think most midwives don't even give recommendations on this...mine never asked or did...I think your own judgment is enough to know whether you're ready or not. If it hurts, stop, slow down, reevaluate.

for some reason Marvin Gaye is running through my head reading this post...


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## Swirly (May 20, 2006)

I think we waited 2-3 weeks for actual intercourse, maybe just a week for "other" stuff. It was really pretty good sex too and no lube needed. I think things got worse for us later, as the baby started sleeping less, exhaustion really began to kick in, and the breastfeeding hormones had lots of time to get entrenched.


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

6 weeks is the advice given out of convention rather than any evidence. If your bleeding is gone or even very light and you feel up to it, it's fine.


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## dawn1221 (Sep 27, 2006)

I envy all of you who even considered it before 6 weeks. We got the go ahead at 4 weeks and I couldn't even get the tip in (yes we lubed). I had stitches and I am pretty sure it was sewn shut!

About 4 months later, we were finally able to DTD but it was so painful I waited another 3 months before trying again. Since the birth, we have DTD maybe 5 times total.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

#1 aprox 2 weeks pp. Vaginal birth with epis all the way from front to back and a urethral tear. Pain like having sex for the first time not really that bad

#2 same as with dd no tears of epis this time. Same pain. But I am the type I cant stand to go very long without dtd







:

Fear of the pain wasnt what made me wait so long it was the pain in the butt pp bleeding







: With dd I bleed off and on for over 3 months. With ds almost 2 months. Some days it was spotting other days it was pretty heavy flow.


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## paradoxia13 (Aug 21, 2006)

We waited 3 weeks. Probably wouldn't have even waited that long, but I had to have a section and was paranoid about splitting open! Not too sexy!







:


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## Molliejo (Jan 7, 2006)

we waited six days.







: and it was awesome!

you should do whatever you feel comfortable with!


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## Flor (Nov 19, 2003)

Several months, it was too painful.


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## mum2be (Jul 6, 2005)

5 months and counting....

Yea...just have a high needs baby and you won't have to worry about how long to wait


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## witchbaby (Apr 17, 2003)

6 weeks per doctor's orders with the first, though i wanted to sooner. there was no reason for us not to, i should have listened to myself.
2 weeks or so with #2. i don't remember. i was "ready to go" like the DAY after i had him.


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## scheelimama (Aug 2, 2003)

Well, with dd1, I think we waited 4 or 5 weeks. But with dd2, no stitches, pretty easy delivery...less than a week. I think it was 5 or 6 days pp.







: At 3 or 4 days pp, I read a similar thread here and saw people that had sex the next day. I was all for it and told dh that not everyone waited 6 weeks. Honestly, it was awesome! As the bleeding and the pregnancy hormones went away, sex became increasingly uncomfortable each time until about 2 months pp when it started to get better. I'll never wait again if I'm physically and emotionally ready.


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## mommystinch (May 18, 2004)

I'm in the group of those that took several months. I just didn't have any desire. Then again, I was also one of those pregnant women that wanted nothing to do with it during either of my pregnancies. I still haven't gained much of my desire back, which has certainly been a sticking point in my relationship with dh for the past 4.5 years!


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## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OldFashionedGirl* 
Okay, I know the "official" verdict is 6 wks. I've also heard whenever you quit bleeding and feel like it.

Now, I'm probably in the minority here, but I had DS Feb. 1 (3 wks ago), and I'm going to die if I don't get laid soon







I haven't had any bleeding for the last two days, and part of me would really like to give it a whirl (with a lot of KY Jelly!)...part of me thinks that maybe I should really wait the 6 wks.

So how long did you wait? Should I suck it up and keep my legs crossed for another few weeks or give it a try? (I KNOW what my bf would say







)

I haven't read all the posts but with DD#1 I waited three weeks. No adverse effects. With DD#2 I waited about 5 weeks, DD#3 about 5 or 6 weeks and with DS almost 8 weeks. Of course the more kids you have in the house the less chances you have.







I also haven't really felt like it at all since he was born and only have had sex to appease DH.

Oh yea.. with DD#1 I had an episotomy (sp) and had stitches as well. One stitch with DD#2 and none at all with the last two.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

2 weeks both times. My midwives say the 6 week thing is a myth and to listen to your body whether it be 2 weeks, 2 months, or longer.


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## socalfelicity2 (Jan 18, 2007)

Ummm...like 6 months! LOL!!!


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## rambunctiouscurls (Oct 4, 2006)

we waited six weeks and it was still too painful .


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## Zaxmama (Mar 2, 2004)

I have NO desire whatsoever. poor DH.. he is a trooper...but I am all touched out by days end and too tired in the morning... but I do likes me some snuggle time with all my guys on the couch..and that will just have to do for now.







:


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## Vortexing (May 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommystinch* 
I'm in the group of those that took several months. I just didn't have any desire. Then again, I was also one of those pregnant women that wanted nothing to do with it during either of my pregnancies. I still haven't gained much of my desire back, which has certainly been a sticking point in my relationship with dh for the past 4.5 years!


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Zaxmama* 
I have NO desire whatsoever. poor DH.. he is a trooper...but I am all touched out by days end and too tired in the morning... but I do likes me some snuggle time with all my guys on the couch..and that will just have to do for now.







:









: I'm so glad I'm not the only one...







:


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## NamastePlatypus (Jan 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mesmerize138* 
7 weeks for us. I was emotionally ready about 15 minutes after delivery ... for some reason labor/delivery made me really horny!







But I definitely wasn't physically ready for weeks afterwards.

I have heard of that before

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Zaxmama* 
I have NO desire whatsoever. poor DH.. he is a trooper...but I am all touched out by days end and too tired in the morning... but I do likes me some snuggle time with all my guys on the couch..and that will just have to do for now.







:

SOOOOO me!! I was a nympho before I had lil man, where oh where as tha vixen gone?


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## little (Oct 27, 2006)

about 7weeks and maybe every 2 weeks since .... i m so so so so so so not into it first of all there s really no comfortable place to do it and i m just kinda grossed out by it .... ( used to LURVE) it b4 i was pg!


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## BlueIrises (Jul 23, 2006)

I'm 11w pp and still haven't...actually haven't done anything since I was about 5m pg...We haven't had a regular sex life in what seems like forever...We ttc for a year so that was sex w/a mission and was very scheduled...didn't work so we had to do IVF...couldn't have sex for the first 12w of PG...had sex like 3 times btwn 12w and 5m...then DH got freaked out about my ever expanding belly actuall having a human in there so he wouldn't...I was begging him at the end of my PG and he wouldn't...

He has been the one begging since my son's birth...was terrified of the pain at first as I had some tearing, hemis and am left with a rectocele. However I am kinda wanting to now, but really b/c I want to be PG again. We were going to dtd this past weekend but exhaustion got the better of us...our timing is off...I'm revved to go at night and DH is exhausted...he's ready to go in the am and I want to sleep then...

so at this rate...who knows...I'm kinda annoyed about this past weekend as I went through quite a few razors shaving my legs and "stuff" now that I can see down there again....







all for naught


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

#1: 7 weeks, hurt so bad I waited another 1-2 months before trying again and it was really sporadic for almost a year.
#2: Two weeks. We had the best sex in our entire relationship life in the next few months.
#3: Less than two weeks. Sex is good, but now baby is becoming so needy that he won't stay asleep longer than 30 minutes at a stretch. CAn't have time anymore.







I want to, but when we actuallyf ind time I spend all of it wound up tight worrying about being interrupted so I don't enjoy it.


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

DD 1 - 8 weeks
DD2 - 3 weeks

It didn't become a weekly occurance until the kiddos were 3 months old.


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## alaskaberry (Dec 29, 2006)

After I stopped bleeding. But since then, hardly ever.







I used to have a raging sex drive and had it at least once a day or more. Now I never want to have sex, I just can't seem to get in the mood for it. It sucks.


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## ripcurlgirl26 (May 10, 2006)

I think it was around 5 weeks, and I had a 4th degree tear. It hurt at first but got better. But it's still not a common occurrence now.


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## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

ds1 we waited 12 weeks...ds2 we waited 6m...but we were separated from the time I was 16wks along until then. needless to say I was REALLY ready for it by then!


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## mamus (Nov 30, 2006)

We waited three weeks. I couldn't last any longer! I wasn't worried as I'd only had one, tiny tear that had healed v quickly, my bleeding had just about stopped, and I felt fine.


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## sarah0404 (May 28, 2006)

When do you all find the time??? Every free minute I had I was asleep!

With no. 1 I didn't get round to it till about 5 months after she was born.
No. 2 was worse. I just didn't fancy it AT ALL. So it was about 8 months after he was born.
I don't remember when it was with no.3 - probably about 4 or 5 months.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

I remember having sexual urges when I was at about 4 weeks postpartum and we tried to DTD at 5 weeks but it was just too incredibly painful for me (episiotomy). I think we did it again at about 8 weeks pp but again, not great. It wasn't until DD was about 12 weeks that things started feeling normal again and we began having sex on a semi-regular basis. Things didn't *really* get back to normal until DD went into her own room at 8 months.


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## schnoozy (Dec 10, 2006)

I'm at 10w pp and I still can't get it in me. It hurts so bad!!!! Will this go away with time? Or do we have to just "stretch it out" like my dh thinks?! I hope not. Owww!


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

i had a 4th dress tear, don't think we tried till week 12 or 13, took a lot of lube and a lot of failed attempts.

NO you don't eed to jsut streach out -- you need to HEAL -- once the healing is done, you will be like you were before (more or les







) and getting it is own't be an issue -- it may still pull, or sting, or be uncoorfortable for a while (at 15 month i am just now noticeing "hey it doesn't pull any more".

I'd say you are not healed enough -- tear or no tear it is trauma to the tissue.

A


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## ~MoonGypsy~ (Aug 21, 2006)

2 weeks. It took about that long for the bleeding to stop and my effing hemorrhoid to go away.


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## scheelimama (Aug 2, 2003)

You know, with our first one, it hurt every time when we started out until at least 6 months pp, but after the first minute or two, it would quit hurting, very much like when I first became sexually active. So, I figured I did need to just stretch it out again. It wasn't terrible pain, just uncomfortable. And you have to be aroused or it's going to hurt.


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## jchizever (Feb 19, 2007)

DD turned 3 months yesterday and we STILL haven't. I have no desire - which is weird since I normally have a high sex drive. My poor dh is going crazy - he has been so patient. I will have to break down and just do it soon.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

First baby: 7 or so weeks and it was agonizing (thanks to the







episiotomy I had a lot of pain for months)

Second baby: 3 weeks (I'd stopped bleeding at 2w6d)

Third baby: I think it was about 4 weeks or so? I forget.









I think when YOU feel ready, it's fine. Personally I'd recommend waiting until bleeding stops, knowing that bleeding means you still have a big 'wound' in the inside of your uterus.


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## purplepaisleymama (Jan 31, 2007)

I have five kids and after each has been different
1st 3 weeks, and I had 10 stitches, it hurt and got better with time and practice
2nd tiny tear and waited less than 3 weeks
3rd 2 days, no tears and it was fine, my midwives laughed and joked I would probably have the luck to get preg then.. i didn't
4th a week
and fth 4 days, we were in the nicu and were stressed out, helped to relax and and it helped us to feel closer

after my miscarraige it was longer, maybe 3 weeks and it has been emotionally harder for me but I would say we have pretty easy going kids who will either sleep through it, or we will pay our older kids to watch the younger
we are at least twice a week and take a shower together every day, even if we have to wait until they are all asleep, we need the time together


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## lisap (Dec 18, 2004)

with DD it was 6 months
with DS, well he's almost 9 months old and we still haven't i just don't feel any urges to. i do feel bad for dh though.


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## ErinBird (Dec 5, 2005)

13 days PP...

Though I stringly considered going for it within the first week







:


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

With ds1 we waited 6 weeks and it was very uncomfortable. I was not totally healed from my tear.

With ds2 we waited 8 weeks. It was mildly uncomfortable, but not too bad.

With dd we waited 6 weeks and no pain.


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## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErinBird* 
13 days PP...

Though I stringly considered going for it within the first week







:









:


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## BabyGow (Jun 24, 2005)

I waited 7 days...um, yeah and that was only because they kept me in the German hospital that long. I had a c-section also so not sure if that made a difference. I was ready far before that.
Of course in my defense, they kept me in the hospital for 2 months prior to having my DS since I had premature labor and he was breech, etc. They are kinda strange about that here, because they didn't trust that I would stay on bedrest at home







:


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## BabyGow (Jun 24, 2005)

Yes, I agree with one of the pp's....FOREPLAY!!! and lots of it


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## RoadWorkAhead (Sep 8, 2005)

We had babes the same day Amanda, and DH and I have been back at it since 6 days PP. Now we only manage to squeeze it in every 2-3 days right now so not as often as I'd like, but not to bad. I think we've managed 6 times since the birth. I'd have gone for it the next day but I had askid mark that burned just a touch and the DH was afraid of hurting me...I told him I'd hurt him if I didn't get some and soon LMBO


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## Tuesday (Mar 3, 2003)

DS #1 - waited 4 months and then didn't try again for several more months
DS #2 - tried at 3 months - just can't do it

My breastfeeding hormones really do a number on my body and ability to have sex. Not only am I exhausted but we just can't consummate - it's too darn painful - it's impossible. When DS was born, I was really frightened - I didn't know the situation would eventually end. Then, when DS started nursing about 1-3 x a day, my body went back to "normal".

I've read that a hormone - I believe it may be progesterin - becomes very low when a woman is nursing and that is why she suffers such extreme vaginal dryness and pain. Obviously, this hormonal difficulty doesn't apply to everyone. I wish I wasn't in this minority!


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## Twwly (Jan 30, 2007)

Less than 2 weeks.

Sadly the peak in interest I did have has now dwindled to nuthin'.


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## ani'smama (Nov 12, 2004)

3 weeks with both.


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## AmyVT (Jun 29, 2006)

Our problem has been finding the time! Sophie likes to be held pretty much constantly and sleeps between us in bed. But last night we finally snuck around her and DTD (at 6 weeks PP). We managed to fit in some other "activity" a few times in earlier weeks. I felt really affectionate and intimate early on, soon after we came home--I think it was all the hormones that had me constantly feeling in love with my newly created family. It's the logistics that get in the way these days. Our timing is impeccably bad--whenever we're ready, Sophie wakes up and we have to postpone once again. We have a sense of humor about it, but sometimes I find myself really MISSING the close physical contact with Brian. Oh well--it's an okay sacrifice for what is sure to be a fleeting time in our lives.


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## cdmaze (Nov 15, 2005)

With ds- 6 weeks...reluctantly
with dd1- 4 weeks
with dd2- 2 weeks...no problem


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## ani'smommy (Nov 29, 2005)

We waited about four months. I could have waited longer, I wasn't quite ready, but DH definately was.


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## ChristinaLucia (May 1, 2006)

1


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

9 days. No tears, exhausting first week.


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## BrooklynDoula (Oct 23, 2002)

We weited 5 weeks but did not finish that time because it was still a little off feeling for me, at about 7 weeks we did again and it was all good







I think there is no harm in trying if you feel ready!


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## swood (Jan 18, 2007)

It is reassuring to read these posts. I think we first tried around 8 wks, but it was way too painful. It continued to be quite painful through 4 or 4.5 months pp. Now (6.5 mos pp) it is still somewhat uncomfortable, but tolerable.

I thought maybe I was sewn up too tight. (2nd degree tear, some stitches) but maybe my body is still healing too?

I hope this doesn't happen with the next one!


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## baby_n_utero (Dec 20, 2006)

6 mths. I was scared I was gonna get pregnant again!


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## anarchamama (Mar 4, 2005)

I think about a month, it's hard to remember. As long as you feel up to it it's fine. If you are still to sore you might want to try some non penetration sex.


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

I think if you feel ready, then you're ready. Just go slowly and be gentle









I waited 3 _months_ after DD's birth, and it still hurt like hell.

With DS1 I think we waited all of 3 weeks, and it wasn't that bad.

DS2 I think was closer to 4 or 5 weeks and it was totally fine.

Have fun!


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

First time we waited about 2 months. I was really tired and having a hard time BF the first time around.

2nd time I had nothing in the way of a tear, and we waited about 3 weeks I think. But that's only if you are counting sex in the traditional penetration by penis sense


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## alexisyael (Oct 23, 2003)

I totally wanted to jump my DH that first night after our son was born. And if I hadn't had an internal hematoma (read: huge bruise with tearing), I actually might have. (I had no perineal tearing, btw.) I was very horny for the first few weeks...

I think we waited 6 weeks, but it might have been 8. Didn't need lube -- my post-partum body has apparently decided to be juicier than my pre-baby body! (YAY!)

Go slow, be gentle, have fun


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