# This made me so sad wwyd?



## dakotablue (Jun 21, 2009)

I was in Walmart getting some stocking stuffers and saw this beautiful little girl quietly babbling and pointing...I think was about 3 (I say babbling because I couldn't hear her even though I was near by)

She was with her mom and I think grandmother.

Anyway all of a sudden I heard the mom say, "How about I strangle Dora?" in a really mean tone.

So I'm guess the little girl was talking about wanting something Dora. I just kinda stood there surprised for a second then smiled at the little girl and walked by. I feel so so bad, but I don't know what else I could have done.

On one hand I understand how parents can get fed up or annoyed with their kids, but I don't think I understand getting annoyed with such a polite quiet child...but I think the thing I don't get is where on earth would that comment come from?

What should I have done? could I have done? would you have done?


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## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

I love my DD more than life, and I would happily bludgeon Dora to death after being exposed to only a few episodes of that inane, utter piece of crap TV show. So it's possible that Mom's issue was inappropriate venting of Dora-related burnout and not anger toward her child. My niece just about gave my parents PTSD with her Wiggles fixation at around that age.

As far as what you could have or should have done, you minded your own business, which sounds about right to me.


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## love4bob (Apr 30, 2008)

I wouldn't have done anything. Was it the wrong thing to say to a child? Yes. But some people have different personalities, that sounds like something my husband might say actually(not to DD though, and not in anger). Also, we don't know her background. Maybe she regrets saying it, maybe she apologized about it? I am very short tempered with my kids right now. I know I say things that I regret(nothing like you heard though). I am newly pregnant, so I'm tired and cranky plus I have an unbearable toothache. Those things combines make me not so nice of a mama. My point is, you never know what someone is going through, so I try not to judge when it's not abusive towards a child.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

If you could hear the things I say to my kids sometimes...


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## treegardner (May 28, 2009)

I don't think there is much you can do. You don't really know the whole story, and you only heard a snippet of the conversation. I agree, that isn't something that should be said to a child, but you don't know why the mom said or if that is how the mom regularly speaks to her child or how the child was behaving before you came across them in the store. (Not that those things excuse what she said, but to me there is a big difference between a mom having a really bad day who snaps and says something she later regrets and a mom who regularly says inappropriate things to her child without remorse.)


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dandelionkid*
> 
> If you could hear the things I say to my kids sometimes...


Yeah that.


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

I'm on the "if I you could hear the things I say to my kids sometimes..." bandwagon.

That said, I always feel awful afterward and *maybe*? if someone who heard such a comment made eye contact with me, it might help me take a breath and keep my hostility to myself in the future. Who knows?

I read the Rants from Mommyland blog and one of the posts a while back was about seeing a woman totally up in her (the woman's) dd's face at Target. Kate (one of the bloggers) remembered a similar incident with her own daughter a few years back and how an older woman stopped, caught her (Kate's) eye, smiled and said, "You're all she has." Kate goes on to discuss what an impression this made on her and how she dealt with the situation in Target...


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Maybe the girl didn't like Dora and the mom was joking? I wouldn't do anything, you have no idea of any backstory or context.


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## oaktreemama (Oct 12, 2010)

I was expecting a much worse comment to be honest. Something totally cutting the little girl down. I HATE Dora and like a PP said would happily strangle her as well. Was it the best thing in the whole wide world to say? Nah. Was it anywhere near the worst? Not by a long shot.


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## cschick (Aug 28, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dandelionkid*
> 
> If you could hear the things I say to my kids sometimes...


Same here. My 4-year-old is utterly completely obsessed with penguins right now. I'm at the point where I'm tempted to make every single penguin-related toy disappear and I've had to tell him to STOP talking about penguins a few times recently. Only to get maybe 5 minutes peace.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

cschick mine is also obsessed with penguins, parrots, EVERY sort of bird basically. I must be on the wrong track with my venting though because last week at her dada's she cheerfully put her tweety pie plushy in a pot and said that she wanted to roast him for dinner....

I say horrible things all the time, though not usually in anger. I frequently tell DD i'm going to give her "a big beating" or "drown her in the bath". A delight-giving phrase for DD is when one of us bears down threateningly with a devlish grin saying "i will BEAT you up and EAT you up and there will be NONE LEFT for *insert other parent's name*". Everyone's relationships with their kids are different. FWIW it's probably hard to tell on the bus, when you overhear me asking if she wants "a big beating" that i mean a chase-down-and-tickle and i have attracted some horrified looks!


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Quote:


> A delight-giving phrase for DD is when one of us bears down threateningly with a devlish grin saying "i will BEAT you up and EAT you up and there will be NONE LEFT for *insert other parent's name*". Everyone's relationships with their kids are different. FWIW it's probably hard to tell on the bus, when you overhear me asking if she wants "a big beating" that i mean a chase-down-and-tickle and i have attracted some horrified looks!












We say the exact same thing. The kids loooooooove it.

I'd say the situation in the OP could be a number of things, but might just be a mom at the end of her rope with a Dora obsession, and a family for whom "rough" language is no big deal.

If she'd threatened to strangle the little girl, I'd be more inclined to worry. But then, I tell my children "I'll beat you up and eat you up", so who am I to talk.


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## ellairiesmom (Mar 20, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dandelionkid*
> 
> If you could hear the things I say to my kids sometimes...


hehehehe...i had a less than stellar day yesterday. when your 3 yo asks you why you "turned the car bad" & then "said the bad words" to the man next to us, you know you didn't win any parenting awards that day.

and i have been known to vent some um, negative thoughts, about Dora AND Caillou...


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## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


> If you could hear the things I say to my kids sometimes...


Me too.

When dd gets silly and rambunctious, I will tell our dog to bite her: "Get her, boy! Bite her on the nose!" (Keep in mind the dog has NO IDEA what I'm saying, is a timid little Chihuahua who spends most of the day hiding under a quilt, and would NEVER bite dd, who is his bestest friend in the world).

DD, for her part, thinks this is HYSTERICAL and will purposely act silly just to get me to say it.

However, if a stranger ever overheard the conversation, I can only imagine what they'd think of me!


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I'm alao in the "if you could hear what I say to my kid" camp.

I'm certainly not proud of some of the things I have said when having a really bad day. Luckily I'm finally getting help for my PPD so those days are becoming much less frequent. But I wouldn't judge someone else whob was having a bad day because, well, you just don't know the backstory.

However, I really don't see that as a big deal. We say crazy stuff all the time in our house and it is viewed as a joke all around. Ds is very physical and he likes to get rough and tumble so he will often say," come knock my head off!" as an invitation to play rough with him. Or we will jokingly say things like, "I'm gonna throw you in the garbage truck!" This usually progresses into ultimate silliness, i'm going to throw you in a sippy cup, I'm going to throw you out on top of a shoe inside a lunchbox on a horse, etc. There is no malice behind it and ds thinks it's funny. However I"m sure to an outsider it would be pretty horrifying to hear an adult tell a child "I'm gonna knock your head off."

As an aside, I have noticed that the mroe physical and affectionate we are as a family in a rought and tumble, fun silly kind of way, the LESS we are inclined to spank. We are working really hard to eliminate that from our home and I have noticed that correlation. Not sure why. Totally OT, but very interesting.


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

It would be a mind your own business thing. What the mom said wasn't wrong per se. And without knowing them personally its hard to tell if it was meant out of hurtfulness, anger or just playing around.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

It's funny you should mention - we are No Spank parents, always have been (though i once smacked DD1's hand when she was small, for drawing on a wall with permanent ink - i am still feeling guilty!). FIL is very pro-spank but remarked the other day after watching me stalk and "beat and eat" (during which i said there would be none left for Papa to eat and DD shouted "save him my toe bones!" and screamed with laughter) that i smack her way harder in play than he would ever have smacked his kids in punishment. I frequently walk up the stairs behind her at bathtime smacking one side then the other while she tries to keep her balance (frequently unable to breathe with the laughing she is doing!) and compensate for the smacks. I definitely think for us the physicality of our play renders that whole category of physical punishment impossible to use and not at all appealing. If i feel like hitting DD i get us laughing and have a tickling rough-and-tumble with her, because for ME smacking is never about the kid's behaviour, always about the adult's response. So getting down and reconnecting physically really helps. In fact thinking out loud, i wonder how many parents who were spanked themselves spank in some underlying hope of reconnecting...? Or is that crazy talk?

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy*
> 
> I'm alao in the "if you could hear what I say to my kid" camp.
> 
> ...


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Yes, on thinking more about it it seems like maybe we are releasing our frustration and using our aggression more positively so when there is something serious we aren't so full of pent up rage that we just start wailing out on him. That's not to say that the occasional more "serious" smack on the butt (as in, "stop goofing off and pick up the toys, NOW, <insert light smack>) does not still happen but really I can't think of the last time ds was actually spanked, by either of us, which quite frankly is amazing considerign how we were raised and where we came from. Especially for daddy who used to think that spanking was the asnwer to everything under the sun. Major, major progress, and a lot of it I can attribute to those rough and tumble, silly, playful parenting techniques.


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## dakotablue (Jun 21, 2009)

I can't stand Dora either, I guess it was really more an issue of tone...it was so mean.

I know so of you are saying you've said not so nice things to your kids, but I can't imagine you'd speak like that. Or if you did it would be an end of the rope thing. I should mention she was casually chatty shortly after this when I saw her again (not to me but to grandmother.) But I don't know...

It was the kinda tone that would make me sad as an adult to have someone speak to me that way, the kind meant to cut you down and I'd be fearful for Dora if this women ever came across her. I just think for the little girl...it made me sad.

I will say we joke with DS, but it is done in jest and love or at least in a jestful and loving voice (like when I tell him he is the biggest bug in the world)


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## camracrazy (May 27, 2006)

I have a 3 year old, and I don't think she would understand the meaning of the word "strangle" (simply because it's not a word we use), but she would probably pick up on my tone if it was mean.

I have often had people act shocked when I tell them how crazy my kids are driving me. At other places like church, Scouts, grandma's house, etc, they are usually angels! The girl may have been acting cute to you, who couldn't hear what she was saying, but may have been whining and crying earlier in the day for Dora this and that. Not that it gives the mom a license to speak to her daughter in a rude tone, but sometimes enough is enough, yk? My oldest chatters constantly, and I am SO not that kind of person. I need quiet atleast part of the day! I told her last night that chupacabras eat chatty girls, but of course she is an expert on chupacabras and stated that no, they don't. LOL


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Just yesterday, when I was dropping off 5yo and 2yo DS to my parents because they didn't want to come Christmas shopping with me, I told them when we got to Grandma and Grandads house that I would just slow the car down and they could jump. Then I told DS1 to remember to roll when he landed so he didn't get hurt!

Also, I have been known to mutter "F*cking Thomas" under my breath when we see anything Thomas the Tank Engine related. After 5 years I am sooooooo sick of Thomas!!

I think sometimes parents say silly things. I wouldn't take it too much to heart. I know sometimes I have to say something stupid just to keep myself sane.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I think, maybe, OP, it's harder to imagine good parents saying things like that on occasion when you still have a baby. I have four bigger kids, and as patient as I try to be at times, I still say not-so-fabulous things. Plus we, as a family, mess around a lot and probably say things to each other (when joking) that would make other's cringe.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife*
> 
> Plus we, as a family, mess around a lot and probably say things to each other (when joking) that would make other's cringe.


Same here. When my boys were little I used to casually remark that I would drop-kick them if they didn't cut out whatever annoying thing it was they were doing.

The meanest thing I ever heard anyone say to a child was before I had children. A woman was in the store with a little one in the cart. The kid couldn't have been more than 3-4 years old. I don't know what he was doing to annoy his mother/aunt/sister (whomever it was), but I heard her loudly tell him to "shut your damn mouth, you ignorant-a$$ mo$#[email protected]&*er," in the most hateful tone imaginable. Strangling Dora pales by comparison.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

Yeah, this. When dd1 was a baby, if I had heard that, I probably would have been horrified. But now, having 4 kids ranging from 2 months to 9 years, my reaction is "so?" I could imagine myself saying the same thing, I hate Dora!

We also have a really bizarre sense of humor as a family. I've sweetly told my babies that I'd chuck them out a window if they weren't so cute. Anyone who heard dh and I screwing around with each other would think we hate each other. And sometimes the kids are driving me batty and I say off the wall, bizarre things to lighten the mood and get us all to laugh.

I put this in the pile of "things that don't matter."

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife*
> 
> I think, maybe, OP, it's harder to imagine good parents saying things like that on occasion when you still have a baby. I have four bigger kids, and as patient as I try to be at times, I still say not-so-fabulous things. Plus we, as a family, mess around a lot and probably say things to each other (when joking) that would make other's cringe.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Oh gosh, I agree with the pp's.

I told my 8 year old this morning "paybacks a bitch little boy" when he was threatening to give me 30 spankings for my bday.

I told my 4 year old last night that I was going to throw him in the pot and make stew out of him.

And? They laughed hysterically because they knew I was joking (and cause I used a bad word). Not everything a parent says is meant literally. And we all make mistakes. I'm sure most parents have said something they regret and didn't really mean to their children.


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## camracrazy (May 27, 2006)

LOL! We say, "Tuck and roll kids, tuck and roll!!"

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Learning_Mum*
> 
> Just yesterday, when I was dropping off 5yo and 2yo DS to my parents because they didn't want to come Christmas shopping with me, I told them when we got to Grandma and Grandads house that I would just slow the car down and they could jump. Then I told DS1 to remember to roll when he landed so he didn't get hurt!
> 
> ...


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## hasya (Jun 27, 2010)

I keep telling my daughter that I'll eat her cheeks because I made her and I can eat her . Not that she understands!


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife*
> 
> Plus we, as a family, mess around a lot and probably say things to each other (when joking) that would make other's cringe.


Us too. DH and I have the kind of relationship where we pick at each other mercilessly. It's worse when we're with friends. Example: We were at a Christmas party and DS was getting into something and I turned to DH and said, "Go and get YOUR son...I think." He cracked up laughing. We frequently namecall and make fun of each other. Sometimes it can even sound like we're serious. Those that know us know better...but strangers probably think we're hateful people.


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## camracrazy (May 27, 2006)

Just wondering, since you added that you saw her again later. Was the little girl crying or upset at that time?


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## imogenlily (Nov 15, 2010)

Some of these made me roll around laughing! "Effing Thomas", and "Payback's a bitch". Awesome.

OTOH, when I was a kid, my mom used to say "stop doing x dangerous thing, I don't have time to take you to the emergency room", and I didn't understand that she was joking, even though it was hilarious to the adults.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Anyone else ever get the "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it" line from their parents? Classic.


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## camracrazy (May 27, 2006)

My mom used to say, "If you don't stop fighting I will make you get out and run alongside the car!"

My grandpa used to say, "If you fall asleep before we get to the bridge I'll throw you over it!"

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *imogenlily*
> 
> Some of these made me roll around laughing! "Effing Thomas", and "Payback's a bitch". Awesome.
> 
> OTOH, when I was a kid, my mom used to say "stop doing x dangerous thing, I don't have time to take you to the emergency room", and I didn't understand that she was joking, even though it was hilarious to the adults.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I liked the Dora show somewhat and my dd absolutely loved it, had a serious obssession with the books and toys, and would talk non-stop about Dora. Even a child with a quiet voice talking on and on about one subject can get annoying and even quiet children whine and pester their parents for things incessantly and that gets very annoying very fast. When you add those things to a trip to Wal-Mart you are pretty much set up for an explosion. I have said the worst things in that store, it is a place that just puts me on edge like no other store can. I wouldn't judge a parent by how they act in Wal-Mart and I wouldn't go up to them and say anything.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

I wouldn't have said anything to the mom but I can understand her frustration especially with a 2.5 year old who is Dora and Diego obsessed. Somedays I can't take the sound of that animated voice or to look at her horrible haircut. While I haven't said it out loud, I have thought to myself, "how about Dora choke on something?" or "how about she fall off of a cliff?" Hopefully the child forgot what her mother said. Mom was probably annoyed and likely regretted the comment later.


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## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gbailey*
> 
> I wouldn't have said anything to the mom but I can understand her frustration especially with a 2.5 year old who is Dora and Diego obsessed. Somedays I can't take the sound of that animated voice or to look at her horrible haircut.


I just sang my husband the "I'm the map!" song (he's DD's stepdad and wasn't around when she was little enough to want to watch Dora) and he literally did not believe me that something that horrid could possibly be real.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

LMAO. DH purchased DD a talking backpack for Christmas. So for the next few months unless I decide not to replace the batteries when they die, I'll be hearing "backpack, backpack" over and over and over again.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lynsage*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lynsage*
> 
> I love my DD more than life, and I would happily bludgeon Dora to death after being exposed to only a few episodes of that inane, utter piece of crap TV show. So it's possible that Mom's issue was inappropriate venting of Dora-related burnout and not anger toward her child. My niece just about gave my parents PTSD with her Wiggles fixation at around that age.
> 
> As far as what you could have or should have done, you minded your own business, which sounds about right to me.


Completely owning my agree. It had nothing to do with her child...at. all. Everything to do with a mind-numbing, stereotypical, overwhelmingly annoying TV show.


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## cschick (Aug 28, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *imogenlily*
> 
> Some of these made me roll around laughing! "Effing Thomas", and "Payback's a bitch". Awesome.
> 
> OTOH, when I was a kid, my mom used to say "stop doing x dangerous thing, I don't have time to take you to the emergency room", and I didn't understand that she was joking, even though it was hilarious to the adults.


Hey, I say "stop doing x dangerous thing, I do not WANT to take you to the hospital tonight" and I am perfectly serious.

If a hospital trip is required, sure I will do it. Doesn't mean I WANT to ever do it.


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## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

You NEVER replace the batteries! Easily in my top 10 parenting rules. 



> Originally Posted by *gbailey*
> 
> LMAO. DH purchased DD a talking backpack for Christmas. So for the next few months unless I decide not to replace the batteries when they die, I'll be hearing "backpack, backpack" over and over and over again.


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## Birdie B. (Jan 14, 2008)

I am cracking up at the things you mamas say to your kids. Literally, tears running down my face!

But OP, I understand how you feel. I hate it when I hear a parent speak in a harsh or mean voice to a little one, even though I've done it myself  But I agree with everyone else that all families have different ways of talking.


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## *Eva* (Jul 31, 2008)

LOL add me to the "I say some completely crazy stuff to my kids" bandwagon. Like when we're in the store and my 6 year old won't shut up or stop whatever annoying thing that he's doing, I tell him in a very threatening voice that "I"m going to have to beat him now." LOL I actually had some crazy lady come up to me and start screaming that I should never beat my kids, she then turned to my son and told him not to worry she would make sure I didn't touch him. He looked at her and said "She was joking, DUH!", while doing this with the eye roll and look that says you're a moron as only a 6 year old can do. Now it wasn't the nicest or most polite thing for him to say but OMG just to see the look on that woman's face was hysterical.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cschick*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


Yeah. I don't have time for ER trips. If they need to happen, they will happen - that has nothing to do with the fact that they are just not on the agenda!

And, I can say that I love that my ds talks now, but sometimes, I need to THINK - and its HARD to think when someone is chattering constantly. No matter how quiet, polite, sweet, whatever, its so hard to concentrate when a child is constantly chatting away and doesn't even stop to take a breath! I mean seriously, I have moments when I'm just like, "STOP! for the love of god, STOP for 5seconds so I can find my keys!"

Thankfully, ds doesn't like Dora, but I have heard so much about Lightning McQueen and Rusteeze I could puke.


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## camracrazy (May 27, 2006)

OMG. My sister bought my 3 yo one of those for her birthday. It is LOUD and you can't adjust the volume. I took the batteries out yesterday. She frowned for awhile and asked me to get new batteries, but today she was playing with it and didn't mention the batteries.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gbailey*
> 
> LMAO. DH purchased DD a talking backpack for Christmas. So for the next few months unless I decide not to replace the batteries when they die, I'll be hearing "backpack, backpack" over and over and over again.
> 
> ...


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

Great. This thing is annoying me already and it's still wrapped and in the back of my closet. For a parent who is highly annoyed by Dora,my DD is getting a lot of Dora related items for Xmas. I wish I could blame it on DH but I am guilty of buying her a Dora talking cell phone. The draw was it says her name but it does have volume control.

Originally Posted by *camracrazy* 



> OMG. My sister bought my 3 yo one of those for her birthday. It is LOUD and you can't adjust the volume. I took the batteries out yesterday. She frowned for awhile and asked me to get new batteries, but today she was playing with it and didn't mention the batteries.
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


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