# Throwing Sand...wwyd???



## FoxintheSnow (May 11, 2004)

When ds (27 months) is in a group with other kids (especially older children) he does things like throw sand. I think he's trying to show off. The other kids get upset of course and I remove ds from the situation, tell him it isnt nice to throw sand, he throws a mini tantrum. When he calms down I let him go back and he does it all over again. I do my shpiel all over again basically until he's over the sand throwing thing and doing something else.

Is there another way I should handle this? Is this normal 2 year behavior? What discipline tecniques might prevents this.

Also he's not very verbal so I cant really have a dialogue with him about it.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

I disagree that you can't have a dialogue with him. Maybe he can't hold up his end verbally, but he's hearing you, and I'll bet he understands every word. (My kid isn't very verbal either, but his receptive skills are primo.)

Yes, I do think it's normal 2-year-old behavior. (Don't you hate it when they act like 2-year-olds!?) I'll bet they just love how it feels and how it looks when it flies through the air. Maybe it would help to acknowledge that, but to redirect the play into something safer, like pouring sand from one container to another. My kid loves pouring and moving stuff from one container to another . . . maybe with a dump truck or cool shovel. Maybe if you offered to play with him, as long as there's no sand throwing, because Mommy doesn't want to get hurt and have to go home.

If he keeps throwing it, though, I would persist in reminding him that sand in the eyes can be really painful. He wouldn't want to hurt someone else, or himself.

If I told him once to stop and he did it again, I may give him a time out to "think about how much he could have hurt someone". If he did it a second time, I'd tell him that if he can't stop throwing the sand I'd be too worried to stay and we'd have to leave. If he did it again, we'd leave.

The next time we went to the park, we'd leave after the second toss.

I think that sounds like logical consequences, not punishment. I don't, however, know if it would work. I'll be interested to hear what others suggest.

I'd also like to know how you handle it when someone else's kid is doing the throwing. Dude, that sand really _can_ hurt your eyes! And the only thing worse than my kid hurting your kid is your kid hurting _mine_!


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## Dragonfly (Nov 27, 2001)

I agree with the pp that he's probably understanding a lot (unless there's a reason other than being 2 that he isnt?).

Would he understand "Throwing sand is dangerous?" That might have more an impact than "not nice." Or, even more specifically, "throwing sand *here* is dangerous. You can throw over *here* instead." Giving ds the option of doing the undesirable behavior in a safe place always worked like a charm.


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## OMama (Feb 18, 2005)

We are struggling with this same issue. I am especially sensitive to it because when DD was about 17 months or so a kid threw sand in her eyes and it was really horrible -- like medical emergency kind of horrible. Anyway, I am terrified of it happening to her again and now she is throwing sand at other kids and I'm equally afraid of her doing it to someone else.

Today when she did it, first she "poured" a little sand on someone else. I talked to her and told her she couldn't do that and what she could do with the sand (i.e. shovel it). I also tried to move her away from this child. But then she quickly grabbed some more sand and threw it right towards his face. Fortunately it missed. I then told her sternly "no throwing sand" and that it could hurt and that we needed to play somewhere else. Which we did at that point.

I find it so hard to react appropriately on the spot. These things always happen so quickly. She is almost 25 months old and again I know she understands more than she lets on sometimes but I just have a hard time when I tell her something is dangerous or that it can hurt someone and she just gives me that smirk look like she doesn't care -- and often just does the behavior again. It just breaks my heart. I know she wants to see my reaction and is testing what will happen next, but it just makes me feel so discouraged in my parenting and sort of at a loss as to what to do too.


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## Rigama (Oct 18, 2005)

I would simply say something like "Sand is not for throwing. You can dig in the sand, pour it, or we can go throw a ball". If he threw sand again I'd say "So you feel like you need to throw...Lets go throw a ball. We can come back to the sand when you are ready to dig or pour".

Worked for my kiddo, anyway.


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## FoxintheSnow (May 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen*

I'd also like to know how you handle it when someone else's kid is doing the throwing. Dude, that sand really _can_ hurt your eyes! And the only thing worse than my kid hurting your kid is your kid hurting _mine_!









If someone else's child threw sand I would say to ds "say 'I dont like when you throw sand at me. It hurts' " and then suggest we play in another part of the park if I felt it was going to continue.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

A friend taught me to redirect them by telling them to "_rain sand instead_." We would hold a handful of sand about 6 inches from the ground and let it "rain" through our fingers and fall to the ground. That way, they can still exprience that sparkly cool visual effect of flying sand, without endangering other kids. And -- instead of telling them what not to do, you are telling them what they can do. It has worked *beautifully* with every young child I've tried it for. I would simply say, _"We don't throw sand, but we can rain sand."_ And then show them. Then after a few demonstrations, it becomes a matter or reminding them.

Editing to say -- I don't hesitate to ask other children to "rain sand" as well. I don't see any harm in that. _"Hey everybody, I know, lets rain sand instead! That we, we can stay safe!"_


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## mother nurture (Oct 13, 2004)

I think this is normal behavior for children around your ds' age and even older. Sand is so sensorial for children. Teaching your ds what sand is for makes sense to me. I'd say one of the following. "We dig in the sand. We can build in the sand. We can rake the sand." "We only play gently in the sand." I'd model all these behaviors. You could also say something like, "See how X is playing with the sand. He is very gentle (or something like building, digging, etc.).


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## Ayala Eilon (Apr 8, 2006)

I suggest you avoid going there. We do best for our children when we don't put them in situations they are not ready to handle. Let him have a life in which he fines himself fitting in and succesful. Peer at such a young age is often not workable.


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## FoxintheSnow (May 11, 2004)

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'll try them out (hopefully I wont have to) and report back. Not going really isnt an option I want to pursue. Almost every single playground in this town has town sand because I live by the beach.


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