# Would I regret being an egg donor?



## kirei (Dec 2, 2004)

Of course, no one can answer that question for me... I'm just looking for opinions, maybe from people who have done it before?

I thought I wouldn't want to do something like that... but now, I don't know.. I think I want to. Of course, I know I'd be doing it because I need the money.


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I really don't think I'd do it just because I was desperate for money (and it has crossed mine at times when we were very very bad off finacially). I could be wrong but I don't think the process is all that pleasant either. Hopefully someone who has btdt will respond.


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## member234098 (Aug 3, 2002)

Personally, I think you would. JMHO.

If you do, be sure all of the medical procedures are explained fully to you. Informed Consent.


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

I know of one person who did it in her 20s to pay for MW school. If you PM me, I'll find out if she wants to talk about it, and give you her email. (I'm not sure if she is open about it on the board)
Being an egg donor isn't something you should do lightly. I think it's an amazing gift.


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

Would it even be possible to do if you are breastfeeding? I assumed with the hormones you have to take it wouldn't be okay but again I don't know a lot about it.


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Oh just wanted to say, I've been through IVF, which is the same process. It wasn't horrible. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. I worked through the whole process ( a little lighter than normal, but my job is very physical) taking one day off before the egg retrieval due to discomfort, and two days off after (since my job is so physical). The hormones weren't too bad for me.
However, I was doing it for me.... so I had a very different mind set.

Oh, and there was a thread in infertility about doing IVF while BF. (same drugs)... and some women have researched it. You can search there for info.


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## member234098 (Aug 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromama*
Oh just wanted to say, I've been through IVF, which is the same process. It wasn't horrible. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. I worked through the whole process ( a little lighter than normal, but my job is very physical) taking one day off before the egg retrieval due to discomfort, and two days off after (since my job is so physical). The hormones weren't too bad for me.
However, I was doing it for me.... so I had a very different mind set.

Oh, and there was a thread in infertility about doing IVF while BF. (same drugs)... and some women have researched it. You can search there for info.

Were you ever given scientific information about the long term problems with hormonal hyperstimulation of the ovaries? I have issues with doctors who do not give full disclosure to desparate women.


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Who said I was desperate?

Yes, we discussed all of the risks associated with the proceedure. I'm a doctor, not an idiot. We know what are risks were (which weren't that many) and we weighed the risks/benefits, and made the right decision for our family.


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## Lynski (Oct 17, 2004)

I have done it twice, and I do not regret it. Any reputable clinic will inform you of all the risks, 10,000 times over. Believe me, they aren't trying to put one over on you just to get your eggs. I even had to talk to a counselor before they would allow me to donate. It was a great experience and the process was not that bad. The worst part was giving yourself the first injection. If you've never done it before it can be hard to do the first time.

Having gone through infertility myself, I am grateful and happy that I had the opportunity to help 2 couples create a family. I certainly wasn't going to use those eggs.







But 2 couples who have truly known what it is like to want a child got their wish because of those eggs. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Even more now that a very good friend just had IVF with donor eggs a week ago today. She's the best mom I know, and I'm sure some of that is due to what she had to go through to be a mom to her first.

They would not allow you if you are still nursing however.


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## djs_girl517 (Feb 29, 2004)

Miriam, I find it more than a little offensive that you would assume that someone choosing to undergo infertility treatment is uninformed and desperate. I don't know if you've ever experienced the hell that is infertility, but I can assure you that treatment decisions are not made lightly.

ETA: Being that I am in the midst of battling infertility and won't use donor eggs, I'm not in a position to have an opinion on egg donation. Well, other than knowing that it is an amazing gift for couples/women who need to go that route to have their own children.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Wow! I think everyone needs to take a step back. I don't think anyone ment anything insulting or degrading. There are many women who are not given full disclosure, given the fact that you are a doctor I would also think that your understanding of the process may be above and beyond what others not in the medical field understand. And no one said you were an idiot or desperate the pp inferred that many women who go through IVF are desperately wanting a child. I don't think this was hurled at you personally and is a accurate statement of how some women feel when they get to the IVF stage. I've personally delt with three women who just in there soul had such a need to have a baby of their own, that it was heartbreaking to see their pain and dsiapointment at barious stages. But when they held that little baby in their arms, it was all worth it!


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## djs_girl517 (Feb 29, 2004)

Whether she meant to be offensive or not, she was. And, FTR, I'm not in the medical field, but I understand the risks/benefits of IF treatments. Unless you're an RE, I'd be willing to bet I understand them quite a bit better than you. Because when you're infertile, it's hard to think about anything else.

It's not like infertile women are cattle - blindly going along with what the doctor says. If that were the case, most infertile women would never make it to an RE. They'd trust their GYN when he says they just need to relax.....


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

I appreciate your reply Catherine, however, most women who get as far as IVF may be aching inside to be pregnant, but they weigh all the risks before making a decision, andmany agonize over these decisions. You spend HOURS with the doctors, nurses and embryologists discussing risks and options. I'm a chiropractor, not a reproductive specialist. I had to research everything as much as someone who knows nothing about anything in the medical field. And, yes, she did inferr that I was desperate, and she assumed that I wasn't given proper information. I was just remarking about my personal experience with egg retrieval, not trying to spark a discussion about infertility.

Anyway, back to the discussion about egg donors. One important factor is choosing a really good clinic. Fortunately, if you do decide that being an egg donor is a good path for you, there are two great clinics here in Portland. Both have great reputations, and amazing staff. You would have to undergo extensive counseling, and what not. Again, it's not a light decision, and it shouldn't be done just for money.


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## gristastic (Jan 7, 2004)

I don't believe the pp meant to offend anyone. However, her use of the word "desperate" to describe "women" who persue treatment was not only inappropriate, but degrading.

The problem is in her choice of words. This echos and perpetuates a certain image of infertile "women" (quotes are used because infertility is, in fact, a couple's problem, not merely a woman's problem, as this wording would suggest) that is not only derogatory, but untrue.

I would hope that on this board, in particular, we know much better than to judge what we do not, ourselves know to be true.


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## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

The OP does not mention desperate. She says she would be doing it for money. The first person to reply mentioned the word desperate.

I would do it and have looked into it. I am really curious about it and have put some serious thought into it. At this point in the game though it would also be for the money so I'm not sure I could do it based off that.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

This is an interesting thread, as my dh and I were talking about donation a few days ago. I was wondering about the process, but also about the fact that he told me that, OK, and here's where it gets foggy, that eggs can be sold for research in making and using stem cell research? I am not against stem cell research, just wondering if anyone else knew about it, and can you choose someone to give your eggs too, or are they just banked?

He feels funny about sperm donation because then he said there would be his dna out there walking around with no way of knowing if the children would be well taken care of. I wonder about this too, how I would feel to know that I had a piece of myself out there, but I also think or maybe hope that is someone is willing to put themselves through such a hard and difficult process they would love that baby and take wonderful care of it. I wonder too in the future if that child wanted to find it's biological mother, or dna mother?, if they could. Wow, it gets pretty complicated.

I thought I might be donating my eggs to my sister, but she ended up not needing them, and sometimes I wonder if it might be wierd to know that you niece or nephew was genetically yours, but then again, your nieces and nephews already share someof your dna, so what's a little more?
















Sorry to hijack, just some of my questions, wondering if anyone else has had any of the same questions?


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *djs_girl517*
Whether she meant to be offensive or not, she was. And, FTR, I'm not in the medical field, but I understand the risks/benefits of IF treatments. Unless you're an RE, I'd be willing to bet I understand them quite a bit better than you. Because when you're infertile, it's hard to think about anything else.

It's not like infertile women are cattle - blindly going along with what the doctor says. If that were the case, most infertile women would never make it to an RE. They'd trust their GYN when he says they just need to relax.....

That is true. I know over the last year, I have learned more about many issues facing myself and my son than any of my doctors know about. It can be very frustrating to be in that position.


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Catherine, as far as I know, there are no eggs/embryos going for stem cell research currently. Our clinic made it very clear that at this point (thanks administration!) no new embryos are allowed to be put into research. Our choices for what was not used was freezer or destroy. They can be frozen (the embryos, i dont' know how long eggs are frozen for) for 5 years, then they are no longer viable. We have 6 in the freezer, and will not likely use them all. After we have had as many children as we want (probably just one more) we will see what are options are at that point.

It does get pretty complicated. We have legal custody over our embies, and had to sign SO MANY things regarding it, including what we would do if we got divorced (yeah, that's a fun conversation to have!). I can only assume that ED involves lots of things similar to adoption (ie. open or closed)

Those are good questions though. and Should be considered by anyone going through the ED process.

(ok typing ED (egg donor) makes me think of Bob Dole and his ED (erectile disfunction) commercials)







:


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## Zaxmama (Mar 2, 2004)

forgive my ignorance but how exactly does one even go about doing this? I am not being snarky I truly want to know..I have my own perfect sweet DS..and I am ok with just one.. really.. but I would totally donate and egg for someone who wanted a baby..the thought never even entered my mind...I am going to google this and try and educate myself but I would love to hear from someone who actually did this.. thanks alot mamas!!


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Zaxmama, I'd google it, and also see if there is an infertilty clinic in your area that has a donor program. The donor program at my clinic ( we didn't use it, my eggs were good







) has people come from all over the country to use it, as it has a great success rate.
The last thing I'd do is answer an ad in the paper or online for egg donors. I'd look at reputable clinics only. Googling with get you LOTS of info, I'm sure.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromama*
(ok typing ED (egg donor) makes me think of Bob Dole and his ED (erectile disfunction) commercials)







:

OMG, I'll never be able to look at ED again!







:


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

i personally couldn't do it except for very close friends or family but if you feel that you can then, why not?


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Most places you see it online it's DE. Less erectile.


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## kirei (Dec 2, 2004)

wasn't sure about donating while bfing... thanks for the info.

but chiromama, can you pm me the clinics you are thinking of? even better if you have links to them. thanks .


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Sure thing Kirei! How old are you? There are age limits for egg donors, that may help yourdecision.


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## Zaxmama (Mar 2, 2004)

well I googled it..and WOW..I live close to Philly so there are plenty of clinical options there..however I have a history of Diabetes, and heart disease in my family..and that is not a savory quality for a DE...but I fully understand. its a shame because I made one really awesome child..I would donate if a friend or family member wanted but I seriously doubt a stranger would chose my blemished family history egg over a healthy one and I really cannot blame them...but I was curious..so I learned something new today


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Would you regret it? Who knows?

Would it be an amazing experience? Proobably.

If you are wondering, talk to a clinic. Have a conversation and read all the disclosure forms. Just looking at all that paperwork and the med protocol may tell you how you would feel about it.

As for the risks, women I know who have donated, or gone thru IVF are so frighteningly well informed, that we tend to make our doctors have to look things up.







Never assume that because a woman chooses to do either IVF or egg donation that she is ill informed, or being hoodwinked, or desperate.







We aren't. In fact, doing IVF was one of the most calculated decisions of my life. We aren't guinea pigs, we aren't slaves, we aren't being forced to do it against our will. We do have to read a lot of information, learn a lot about our bodies, and think a lot about every single decision we make. Chances are we are more informed about the risks than anyone other than the REs and IVF nurses. I KNOW that my OB doesn't know as much about it as I do...he said as much.









Be gentle. Try not to assume that because someone makes a choice that you don't, that they are somehow misinformed or ignorant....or desperate.


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## elsasmommy (Mar 24, 2005)

********


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Can you post some valid information to back that claim up please?


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## dr.j (May 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *djs_girl517*
Whether she meant to be offensive or not, she was. And, FTR, I'm not in the medical field, but I understand the risks/benefits of IF treatments. Unless you're an RE, I'd be willing to bet I understand them quite a bit better than you. Because when you're infertile, it's hard to think about anything else.

It's not like infertile women are cattle - blindly going along with what the doctor says. If that were the case, most infertile women would never make it to an RE. They'd trust their GYN when he says they just need to relax.....









:

To the OP, I think being an egg donor is a really amazing gift. I don't think I have it in me to do it, but I admire women who do.


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## elsasmommy (Mar 24, 2005)

***********


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

No, i know all about those risks. I went through IVF and was well informed about the truth, what my risks were. Not only have I googled it more than once, I have had long discussions with my doctor regarding my specific risks. I was asking you to post some links since you posted a claim that it causes cancer. If you want to post something like that here, it makes some sense to back yourself up.


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## djs_girl517 (Feb 29, 2004)

For every study that says hormonal ovarian stimulation causes cancer, there is at least one that says it doesn't.


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## djs_girl517 (Feb 29, 2004)

Top five results returned by Yahoo! Search, excluding sites of fertility docs:

Science Daily: No Association Between Fertility Drugs And Ovarian Cancer, Say University Of Pittsburgh Researchers

WebMD: Fertility Drugs Don't Cause Ovary Cancer

American Cancer Society: No Link Between Fertility Drugs

Fertility Drugs and Ovarian Cancer: What are the risks when used for Surrogacy?

PersonalMD: Fertility Drugs Not Tied To Ovarian Cancer


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Just like everything - it COULD cause cancer.

So could using your microwave - there are sites that say that too.
So could just about anything in excess.

It doesn't mean it WILL cause cancer.

The clinics do inform you that it could possibly statistically raise your chance of ovarian cancer.

For me, being pregnant lowers my rate of endometrial cancer, since I don't have periods very often.

So, I statistically upped one, and lowered the other....









There are so many variables that go into this and all cancers.


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## elsasmommy (Mar 24, 2005)

Okay. Clearly I have touched upon something no one wants to hear. I only have my two friends' cancer experiences to draw upon. I don't want to post on this board anymore.


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

Don't run away from the board just because we asked you for back up links. Your friends experience is very different than true statistical outcomes. If you know that googling it will prove your point, please post those links. I'm truly sorr your friend had cancer, no one ever deserves to have a horrible disease. However, we are merely asking you to not post something inflammatory and scary without having some back up information.


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## dr.j (May 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elsasmommy*
Okay. Clearly I have touched upon something no one wants to hear. I only have my two friends' cancer experiences to draw upon. I don't want to post on this board anymore.


It seems kind of sad that you would leave a community so quickly after coming here. If you hang around here long enough, you'll see that there are plenty of disagreements here, and that most people are respectful even when they disagree. Or, even when there are heated debates, they result in some really interesting, informative discussions for people from all sides of a given debate.


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## elsasmommy (Mar 24, 2005)

I don't even know what to say, other than that I highly mistrust the medical establishment on this issue and I am devastated at the thought of losing my friends to cancer.


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

I'm sorry that you are worried about losing your friend to cancer. It is truly a horrible thing to have happen in your life.
However, one persons bad experience doesn't mean it's going to happen for everyone.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Don't leave.









It isn't that we don't want to hear it - I HAVE heard it.







And I made the decision to do IVF.

But just like vaxxing, circing, and a whole host of other issues, you have to be able to weigh the potential risks and benefits for yourself. Hence the request for links...otherwise it is just someone saying that I will get cancer.

I have my opinions regarding the risk to ME. And I advise EVERYONE to do their homework and determine if it is right for THEM. And that includes both your stories, and mine.









I am very sorry for your friend. That is a horrible thing to have to deal with, especially if it was a result of doing something to have a child.







That is very sad.









I too mistrust the medical establishment on a lot of issues. It is hard to know when they are telling the truth, or just trying to sell us something. I do, however, trust my RE on this issue. It is too much money, and too much time, energy, pain and effort to have a "customer" who is going to come back and sue them in a year's time.

Sorry if we came across as harsh. Sometimes I get that way because so many people tell me that my choice on how to build my family is wrong. Not that is isn't their choice, but flat out WRONG. It gets hard to hear that over and over, and sometimes, people cautioning others against my choices, sounds like being told that my choices are wrong And I jump.









I don't think anyone with any doubt should do IVF or egg donation. There is too much stress that goes along with the process to add to it by being unsure if you are doing the right thing.


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## JessasMilkMama (Oct 24, 2004)

I was very close to being an egg donor in college. I was accepted, did all the paperwork, the pap smear and blood test (dh even had to get one too, to make sure no STDs,) and we were accepted by a family. I was going to be paid $4000 and that was why I was going to do it. I felt very nonchalantly about it and then I think I prayed about it and I had a realization that this was not right for me. I feel like I should be responsible for my offspring and making sure they are safe and loved and how could I ever be sure of that if I never meet them and trust them with a family I will never meet? It just was definitely not for me. I felt bad for the couple but they could pick someone else and I had to put myself first in this situation.

And now, seeing my kids, there is no way I could ever think about doing it.

I could be a surrogate, but not an egg donor, only for a very very close friend or family member that I know would be a great mom.


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## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

I wanted to share my two experiences with egg donation...

The first time, I was intrigued for two reasons: financial need and the fact that I regretted getting a tubal ligation three years prior. I was hurting so bad, wanting another baby, but the cost of a reversal would be around $8K at least. I was angry at myself for wanting the tubal in the first place and felt like donating my eggs would provide me with some closure.

Keep in mind, I was 28 and pretty immature with this thought process.

All in all, it was an ok experience. The shots weren't bad, they only started hurting when I was nearing the end of my cycle and my thighs were killing me from the injections. It was then that I learned to give myself shots in my upper back hip.

I was a high producer, or so I was told. The ultrasounds towards the end sucked because they're vaginal ultrasounds and my ovaries were freakin' HUGE. Moving was painful towards the end, too - definitely didn't want sex or to do anything, really.

The retrieval was pretty easy for me, I thought. Evidently, I laughed and joked with the docs about genital piercings (they gave me Fentanyl which sometimes acts like a crazy truth serum). The couple that I was donating for left a beautiful potted jasmine plant and a huge box of chocolates for me at the front desk. There were about 23 eggs retrieved, 20 were good.

I had a friend drive me to another friend's house, I took pain relievers (for the huge ovaries) and then drove home later.

The second experience I needed money really badly. I was in midwifery school and it cost a freakin' arm and a leg (a rich, white girl's hobby, really, it has been said about the elitism of midwifery schools). We had already taken out money on our house and I needed more for the last year. So, I did it again.

My second experience wasn't as great. In fact, I felt really crappy about it. I didn't feel good at all, started freaking out that my punishment for pimping my ovaries would result in ovarian cancer from all the drugs. It was a hard journey and it was far more painful than the first time - and it resulted in fewer eggs.

I will say this: unless you're willing to be HONEST about why you're doing it, you will regret it. Some view it as an incredible gift, others as just donating strands of DNA, nothing more. How you view it is between you and your heart - but just be honest with yourself.

I've known many people to donate after having friends/family use donor eggs. They see the difference that it made in a family's life and want to help someone else out.

In the first instance, the couple gave the doc permission to let me know about their experience. They conceived on the first round and had a live baby. They froze the rest of the embryos for future siblings. In my mind, the mother of a baby is one that carries and nurtures the child. My child was shaped and developed while growing in my womb, hearing my voice, my heartbeat, my sounds. I don't consider myself mother to those eggs at all, but that's just me.

The second I never asked about because I didn't care. I was too wrapped up in my own guilt about it.

I'm not sure that offering women large amounts of money is a good thing. They call it "compensation", but we all know what it is. If you have fertility clinics battling it out and increasing the "compensation", what's to stop a financially desperate woman from doing the wrong thing?

Just listen to your heart. Don't over-romanticize it or shame yourself about it. Go with integrity and you'll always feel good about your choices, even if you would never do it again.









A couple other things I forgot to mention:

If you're in a sexual relationship, be careful. You are over-stimulating your ovaries and you could conceive during the process. Granted, I never felt much like getting it on between the hormones (bitchy!) and the huge rocks in my gut.

Down the road, there might be a chance that legislation could open up all sperm/egg donor records so that names would be revealed to children. I know for some this sounds far fetched, but many thought that about adoption records. Are you ok with this?


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

thanks for sharing your story Pam.


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## FreeThinkinMama (Aug 3, 2004)

I couldn't do it, I would feel like one of my children was out there and I would never get a chance to know who they are or what they looked like. I know that's probably selfish considering all the people who go through infertility (we had IF issues too). I think it's a great thing when other people can give a couple that kind of gift though, whether you're compensated or not


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## kirei (Dec 2, 2004)

Wow, Pam... thank you! That was incredibly informative, and gave me a lot to think about it.

You mentioned being honest with myself.... I can already say that I know I would be doing it for the money. It really was not my goal to help people... although I'm happy to think that someone who really wants a baby will get one.

I also was thinking that.... if someone went through the whole process in order to use donor eggs to have a baby... then they probably really want one. I guess I couldn't be sure, but that leads me to believe they would really love their baby.

Oh, and I'm a single mom.... so I'm not having sex with anyone. I'm not too worried about getting pregnant during this process (although if I WAS sexually active, I would be nervous.... I'm really really happy with just ONE baby for me. I have considered having my tubes tied.


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## cobluegirl (Nov 20, 2001)

Kirei my sis is going through this process right now. She has had no bad expriences this far other than developing a cyst and had to put a hold on things to get the cyst to go away...her belly is bruised from shots. she has also had to remain abstinent because of the extra fertility. she is going through a clinic downtown. holler if you want any info.

ps. she will be paid $4000 for her eggs. (in case you are wondering)


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