# Cps concern



## tealover (Jan 3, 2009)

I am not really a new member here just a lurker.I know many of you talk about cps.My 6 year old child got a boo boo on his head today.I was talking with my hubby in the kitchen DH asked me to throw the new dvd we had got to him I did and my child got in the way,and it gashed his head he got 5 stitches.I feel so bad.At the clinic my son said are you going to call the cops and are they going to arrest mom I know he got that from be telling my DH I dont trust doctors and how they would think child abuse and call the cops.The nurse said no.I told them what had happened with the dvd case.They were very nice and said to come back in 5 days.I am worried about cps.I homeschool and selective vax and dont need the stress.I would never abuse my child


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## Aquafina (Oct 2, 2006)

Nevermind


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

I wouldn't worry. I highly, highly, highly doubt they'll call cps. Like, I'm 99% sure they wouldn't. Kids get hurt. It's part of being a kid. I swear I'm about to put a rubber suit and football helmet on ds so he will just bounce.

But my ds (19 months) has been to the ER twice in the past... 6 weeks? Both times for hitting his head. The first time he ended up breaking a tooth and losing it alltogether. And they didn't bat an eye. We don't vax either.

Personally, I wouldn't talk about CPS and all that in front of my 6 year old. While you may not trust dr's, there are valid reasons to go to them, and there's no point in instilling fear in them of dr's at such a young age. IMO kids don't need to hear those things because it just gives them way too much to worry about.


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## tealover (Jan 3, 2009)

TY.I was just worried.I just feel like this day in age a person such as a doctor or nurse would take something to the extreme,and the fact I am a low income mom.I called my MIL and she told me by law they would have not have let me leave with him if they thought it was abuse.I will never throw anything again across the room.I could have poked his eye out.I get sick thinking about it.And it makes me feel worse that he had got in trouble a few minutes before it happened,I just feel guilty like he thinks I did it to be mean.This is going to take some time to forgive myself


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## NettleTea (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tealover* 
I just feel like this day in age a person such as a doctor or nurse would take something to the extreme

Yes, they do it all the time, unfortunately.

I think your MIL made a good point. Hopefully everything will be alright.


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## tealover (Jan 3, 2009)

I dont think I can sleep from the stress.


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## uumomma (Jun 10, 2007)

I could not read and not respond.
i dont think that they will call cps.
really i dont
how scary for you!
but kids do get hurt, and people toss stuff across the room.
it was an accident... its ok
sh*T happens ya know?


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

stop. take a deep breath. and relax.

yes, sometimes some doctors and nurses do take things to the extreme. Buit I think most are very understanding that accidents happen with kids. Case in point: I was at our family doctor's office for a visit for myself and accidentally clocked DS's head on the corner of one of those platic file holders they hang on the exam room door. Earlier that day I had walked away from DS while he was on the bed and he had rolled off. I told our doc about both of these and he told me not to worry because when his DD was little she had fallen down a flight of stairs that they had not gated at their house. He said that with kids mistakes are going to happen and most of the time they are really going to be okay.

Now, as for the CPS concerns. I am a teacher and a mandated reporter, and I can tell you that the majority of mandated reporters go off of a lot more than an allegedly accidentaly injury when they decide to report suspicion of abuse. There are behavioral signs, other physical signs of abuse, gut feelings that a child might be in danger, etc. A mandated reporter will take all of these things into consideration before making that call because, let's face it, CPS (doesn't matter what state you're in) is seriously backed up, and it just isn't fair to children who are really in dange or to child welfare workers to file reports when there has simply been an accident that caused the child's injury. Accidents are not neglect. They are accidents and that's all this was. Please try to forgive yourself and get some rest.

p.s. I do agree with a pp who suggested not voicing these kinds of concerns in front of your DS. 1) little kids will repeat what you say, and 2)even if you are mistrustful of doctors, realistically speaking, they are there to help us when we get hurt or sick and you wouldn't want DS to learn to mistrust/fear them when/if he does need them. (not saying that we need to bow down to everything a doc says just because they are a doc)


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## Katzchen (Aug 13, 2007)

My thoughts as social services worker and a MSW student:

They are not going to call CPS. If they had suspected abuse you would have seen the ER/ hospital social worker before you left or if one was not available the CPS caseworker would have come to the ER to interview you and your son.

At my ER the only time we do abuse consults are when the child's injuries do not match the description of how they occured (ie, child fell down the stairs but has bruising that would not have occured in that situation,) when a child has several injuries in a short period of time (we have to check this out even if it is very likely that the injuries were not intentional,) if the child claims abuse or if there are obvious signs of abuse or neglect. 90% of the cases we see in the hospital do not meet our criteria for referal to CPS (that neither the social worker or the doctor suspect abuse/neglect after examining the child and interviewing the child and parent)

Honestly most social workers and CPS caseworkers are not out to steal children from their families for no good reason. I know that there are tons of stories on the 'net and from friends of friends in real life about kids being taken for trivial things, but please remember that there are two sides to every story and unfortunately we social workers can't share the nitty gritty reasons why we had to remove children from a home.

ETA: I honestly debated posting this, because you already seem overly paranoid but in reality, the fact that your son asked if they were going to call the cops and arrest you would have been a red flag in an otherwise normal visit because A.) it is not typical for a 6 year old to have that kind of fear and B.) people who do abuse their kids often threaten that if they tell that mommy/daddy will be arrested or that the child will be taken away and placed in foster care.


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## 3pink1blue (Jun 23, 2008)

kids get hurt, they need treatment. parents accidentally hurt their children. it happens. (When DD2 was two weeks old, we were nursing sidelying, and I tried to get up, and clocked her in the face with my elbow! I felt awful!)

My nephew is 3 and has had stiches in his face at least five times. No one has ever called CPS on my brother and SIL. (nephew is very rambunctious and is always wiping out at the playground, falling up porch steps, etc. We joke that he was born to have stitches, because he had a cleft lip. If you count the cleft repair, he's had stitches six times, I think.)

Kids get hurt. Kids jump off sofas and slip on wet floors and sword fight with vacuum cleaner attachments. Hospitals and doctors and teachers understand this. I don't understand why you are so upset about CPS. Have there been other issues in the past?

Oh and I hope your DS gets better quickly. You'd be surprised how fast those things heal, but I bet he will tell you about the time you threw a movie at him for the rest of his life. Once I was in the kitchen, and DD1 was behind me, and when I turned around I bumped into her and she fell. She was four. And to this day she tells me "Remember the time you pushed me down, Mommy?"


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## tealover (Jan 3, 2009)

Thanks for the advice.No never have worried about cps until now.Could be my own guilt from throwing something.Or the fact I went to the doctor with mascara all over my face and mismatched clothing while being low income.

I personally in jr high had been told by my parents that I could not see a boyfriend.So the boyfriend and I had put a bruise on my arm and I told the teacher the next day that my mom had done it.Well they were not nice to her.I am not proud of that just was a angry teenager.

This happened at my parents house with my moms record and all I am just worried about being falsely accused.

And we didnt go to the ER but a urgent care sort of clinic.My mil is still convinced that I would have not been able to leave if they thought I hurt him.It happend latter in the night.I just dont want to worry about them being in our home with my parents for the time being.There house is clean,and huge but regardless I feel helpless right now.

And as for calling the cops comment I was just being honest with my husband as I could see them thinking yeah right a dvd case did this.

I watch to much nancy grace.


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katzchen* 
ETA: I honestly debated posting this, because you already seem overly paranoid but in reality, the fact that your son asked if they were going to call the cops and arrest you would have been a red flag in an otherwise normal visit because A.) it is not typical for a 6 year old to have that kind of fear and B.) people who do abuse their kids often threaten that if they tell that mommy/daddy will be arrested or that the child will be taken away and placed in foster care.

But on the other hand, a truly abused child isn't going to say something like that in front of the abuser, because of what would happen later on.

That's my thought, at least.

OP, we dislike MDs as well. BUT we make a huge exception, and we are VERY vocal about it, for ER doctors. It's good that we live very close to a great kid's hospital that has an all hours Emergency Room, and the two times we've been there we've seen the same doctor and nurse! When we need to visit the ER, we're there for an emergency, they are there to help, and we appreciate them. So even though hubby and I do talk about other doctors (our extended family has had very very awful tragic "luck" with non-ER MDs) in a negative fashion, ER doctors have a different status in our house. I would recommend talking about that with your child.


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## tealover (Jan 3, 2009)

Thank You.doctors dont really scare me if your sick or something of that nature.But the fact of going to a urgent care place.Telling them yes I was throwing a dvd case across the room to someone and it hit my son and with my racoon eyes from crying.Then my kid talking about super heros,movies and out of know where my son asking if mom is going to be arrested,the nurse said no why would they do that honey.Then he was back to talking about boy stuff and laughing and just being a chatty cathy.Then they said please come in in a few days to take the stitches out.

If they call them how long do I have until they knock on the door.

Its not that my gut feels like it will happen my mind is just working on,how britnney spears kid got a visit after she took him to the er for falling out of a high chair.Or how you hear about crap like this in the news


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## NettleTea (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tealover* 
I watch to much nancy grace.

I used to do that


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I don't think you have anything to worry about. We've been to the ER more times than I can count -- the ER at our local children's hospital, which supposedly has a reputation for hot-lining folks -- and we never got hotlined by anyone in the ER, or by any medical professional.

Among assorted other accidents, both our girls even had fractures as toddlers. We were never questioned by CPS about this, they just took care of our hurt child, were very nice to us, and we went home.

This fall we *did* get a visit from a CPS worker. It was *my sister* who called (this was verified by my mom, who supports my sister in her decision to call). Like you, we homeschool. We also quit vaxing when our oldest was 4 months old.

My big mistake was in talking about our various parenting decisions with my family. They were horrified that we've been letting our 8yo pursue reading at her own pace, according to her own interest-level. My sister was especially horrified about our decision to not vax ...

Mind you, every medical professional our girls have ever seen has been aware of our not vaxing, because it's, you know, part of their script to ask about that. But *they* didn't report us to CPS -- not even one doctor who read us the riot act about how the vaccines can only work if *everyone* in the community is doing it (which I guess means it's a big waste for all the other kids in our area to get vaxed, since *our* kids not being vaxed renders everyone else's vaccines ineffective







).

Anyhow, the social worker came, and I impulsively decided to let her come through the house, visit with the girls, and complete her assessment (even though I knew I didn't have to let anyone in without a warrant ... I probably wouldn't let them in if it happened again, but this particular time my gut told me it was okay).

Well, the social worker said she didn't see any need to open a case, so that's what her recommendation would be, and sure enough a few weeks later we got a letter stating that no case had been opened. And of course we are no longer in contact with my relatives.

So, if you don't have any toxic people in your life who crave total control of your parenting decisions, I don't think you have anything to worry about. My little daredevil girls have had so *many* accidents that have required ER visits -- and yes we're low-income (Medicaid for the girls), and don't vax -- and we've always been treated respectfully by the ER-staff, as well as the orthopedic surgeons (in the same children's hospital) who treated our girls' fractures.

As a matter of fact, when the social worker showed up at our house, she said the report had already been downgraded from an investigation to just an assessment, because they'd already been able to clear up the injury-concern (I immediately knew then that it must have been a family member who'd called, since it had been *6 years* since my older dd's last fracture, and *2 years* since my younger dd's fracture).

I'm doing a lot of rambling -- but in a nutshell, I just want to assure you that if you don't have crazy, controlling family members, you probably have little to nothing to worry about. I can't imagine you getting hotlined over this! But since you're wondering about a time-period -- it may vary from state-to-state, but in my state (MO) they have to investigate all calls within 24 hours -- unless the only concern is educational neglect and then they have to come within 72 hours.

We recently had to make an ER visit for our younger dd -- and I'll admit that with the recent report on our record, I was a little anxious, so I told myself when we were leaving, "As busy as they are here, I imagine that if they have a concern they'll call right away -- I can't imagine anyone here still thinking about us tomorrow, so if we don't get a vist by this time tomorrow night, I'll rest assured that everything's okay."

I can understand that, when you're anxious, you'd like some sort of a time-frame (at least, I know I find it helpful). I think most states would investigate within 24 hours, you can probably verify that by going to the Children's Services website for your state, if it helps. But I'm sure it's all going to be fine.


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## mamaluvs (Nov 9, 2007)

I am an ER nurse. As previous posters have stated, MDs and RNs are not out to get you but we do want to keep our vulnerable patients safe. We do not take calling CPS lightly and there is usually great discussion among the MD and RN before a call is placed. As stated in other posts, reasons for calling CPS would include (but not limited to) injury not matching story, multiple fractures in various stages of healing or a statement from the patient regarding abuse. We all know that kids get hurt and that accidents happen-it is just a part of life.

Also, if there was a concern regarding your child, you most likely would not have been allowed to leave the ED without speaking to someone from CPS.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

If it makes you feel any more secure, my DD (age 3 at the time) told the nurse that her brother hit her in the face with a baseball bat and that was how she got the cut that required stitches. That wasn't quite what happened -- actually she tripped and bashed her face into bat that DS was holding vertical - so hollow edge was facing up. But what she said sounded horrifying, followed by "I get hurt all the time at home". And no one called CPS.


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## cicatrix (Nov 28, 2008)

I agree with Katzchen - the injury wouldn't have been of concern but the 'are police going to take me away' would have been. I had a kid sitting with me when cops came to see my boss (I work in a library) and he went into a little story about how cops aren't allowed to take him away and they have to talk to mummy and he won't tell them anything because they'll take him away. That was a red flag, and combined with her belting him in the library meant local maternal services were called.

But a couple of stitches, from a silly accident? Not really worrisome from any point of view.


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## tealover (Jan 3, 2009)

Thank You all for the advice.He didnt say are the cops going to take me away he said are the cops going to take mom.Kids are sponges.Thats all that worrys me is the cops comment.I mean are er nurses and clinics the same beacuse I didnt take him to a hospital I took him to a clinic to get the stitches.The nurse and dr seemed nice but I dont trust them outside of treating my child I think he was there last visit of the night,I just went there cuse the er was a good 10 miles away.


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## Mandynee22 (Nov 20, 2006)

I wouldn't worry. For the most part, Drs and nurses can tell what's normal "wear and tear" (LOL) for kids and what's malicious


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## Lazy Gardens (Dec 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tealover* 
I am not really a new member here just a lurker.I know many of you talk about cps.My 6 year old child got a boo boo on his head today.I was talking with my hubby in the kitchen DH asked me to throw the new dvd we had got to him I did and my child got in the way,and it gashed his head he got 5 stitches.I feel so bad.

At the clinic my son said are you going to call the cops and are they going to arrest mom I know he got that from be telling my DH I dont trust doctors and how they would think child abuse and call the cops.The nurse said no.

1 - ER and other medical staff usually have a good idea what real abuse looks like (we get classes on it), and a minor scalp laceration isn't going to ring any alarms. They are looking for multiple generations of injuries: fresh, medium and old bruises for example.

Also injuries outside "normal" for the age, sex and interests of the kid ... too many, too often, in the wrong places, or that don't fit the described mechanism of injury (MOI).

"I tossed a DVD to my husband and the kid got in the way" is reasonable MOI for a small laceration ... but not for bruises on his legs, belt welts, skull fracture (unless you used to be a professional pitcher), or a dislocated shoulder.

2 - A truly abused child would never have said that. They would have been afraid to say peep for fear of what would happen when they left.


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## Lazy Gardens (Dec 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tealover* 
My mil is still convinced that I would have not been able to leave if they thought I hurt him.

If there is totally clear-cut abuse ... belt welts, multiple fractures in various stages of healing, gross malnutrition, etc. in this state your kid is going to be kept and you either go home to wait for the cops and CPS or walk out in handcuffs.

Quote:

And as for calling the cops comment I was just being honest with my husband as I could see them thinking yeah right a dvd case did this.
5 stitches from a DVD case sounds about right. They are rigid and have corners. I've seen lacerations from big paperback books when the corner caught the scalp.

Last year I treated a girl who had a scalp laceration from a snowball. Just a snowball, not one with a rock inside or an ice-ball, but a firmly packed snowball hit her just right (or wrong) and the force of the impact tore the scalp skin.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaluvs* 
I am an ER nurse. As previous posters have stated, MDs and RNs are not out to get you but we do want to keep our vulnerable patients safe. We do not take calling CPS lightly and there is usually great discussion among the MD and RN before a call is placed. As stated in other posts, reasons for calling CPS would include (but not limited to) injury not matching story, multiple fractures in various stages of healing or a statement from the patient regarding abuse. We all know that kids get hurt and that accidents happen-it is just a part of life.

Also, if there was a concern regarding your child, you most likely would not have been allowed to leave the ED without speaking to someone from CPS.


Quote:

At my ER the only time we do abuse consults are when the child's injuries do not match the description of how they occured (ie, child fell down the stairs but has bruising that would not have occured in that situation,) when a child has several injuries in a short period of time (we have to check this out even if it is very likely that the injuries were not intentional,) if the child claims abuse or if there are obvious signs of abuse or neglect. 90% of the cases we see in the hospital do not meet our criteria for referal to CPS (that neither the social worker or the doctor suspect abuse/neglect after examining the child and interviewing the child and parent)
The time I went to the ER for my one year old son's injury, I was NOT asked how the injury happened. I was asked where my other children were; I knew that meant that the police were going to take all my children, so I refused to cooperate. The police report was a complete fabrication, and I reported the author of it to internal affairs for filing a false report. The ER staff put down my son's birthmarks as bruises and noted the fact that he was a year old and still breastfeeding and wearing cloth diapers as point to be investigated. I was surrounded by seven LAPD and kept for seven hours.

The doctor who reported me wrote chicken scratching all over his report. It was nonsense. There was no report of anything he had looked at. I was completely abused by the system. It took CPS six months to come out and investigate me. If I was really such a horrible treat to my child, why did it take six months to send out a social worker? She did not have an identification on her. I followed her out to the car and wrote down her license plate.

If the ER staff were not out to get me, they sure put on a fabulous show.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

Hope your son's head is healing well.

I don't have much else to add, as everyone seems to have touched about everything I could think of. Just wanted to say, it's not your fault. Children get hurt all the time, mine seem to be extra accident prone. But I have never had CPS called on us because of a DR visit (only by toxic relatives).


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tealover* 
Thank You all for the advice.He didnt say are the cops going to take me away he said are the cops going to take mom.Kids are sponges.Thats all that worrys me is the cops comment.I mean are er nurses and clinics the same beacuse I didnt take him to a hospital I took him to a clinic to get the stitches.The nurse and dr seemed nice but I dont trust them outside of treating my child I think he was there last visit of the night,I just went there cuse the er was a good 10 miles away.

We have gotten care on a whole different level at the ER and the urgent care clinic, than we have gotten from your normal make-an-appointment type place. The ER/urgent care people are far BETTER, far more caring, and just plain nicer than the appointment-type doctors and nurses.

In our experience, and that doesn't just include DS.

Though actually there was one aberration...I had dropped a table on my toe, which did really awful things to my big toenail, just awful nasty things, and once I finally got my ex-boyfriend over, he was the owner of the table and I was taking it back to his place to get it out of my life, to drive me to the urgent care place, and once the nonsense of getting the *bleeding, nail in the completely wrong place, it's obvious that the bleeding part is more important* toe xrayed (while the nurses did NOT wear gloves)...the very very young MD came in, looked at my toe, and said, and I quote..."ew".

And sent me home with a big bandage, no follow-up care instructions, and vicodin, which, it turns out, doesn't work for me at all.

So that was my one aberration...I can only assume she was intending to go into private practice. Ha.

*applejuice* I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's definitely different than how we were treated in June then November of '07.

First we brought DS in with second degree burns on his chest and arm (helping hubby make dinner and after carefully stirring the pasta, he slapped the spoon onto the boiling water, causing the water to splash out erratically) after having the EMTs come by (b/c that's what our flip chart said to do with 2nd degree burns).

And then we went in via ambulance, after he had fallen straight back (for Harry Potter fans, picture Nevile with the petrificus totalis curse on him) while trying to not get tickled as we took a hat he was trying on off of him, tripping, and not being able to catch himself b/c he was trying on gloves that were tied together...hit the metal base of the clothes rack, and if he hadn't gone SILENT and weird and compliant, I wouldn't have had Target call 911 but he changed personality so I did (and we're just under $300 away from paying that ER visit off...had JUST signed up for a High Deductible plan the DAY BEFORE augh).

Both times they simply separated me and hubby (the EMTs that came by after we called 911 after the burn did this at our apartment and so did the ones that came by at Target) and asked for our stories while also taking care of DS. Then at the hospital the same thing was done...nurse Crystal chatted with me while hubby chatted with the doctor (same nurse and doctor each visit).

I was beyond fine that they did that...the second time I even commented on it, that they HAD TO do that, they had to get the two stories while we were separated, and they were absolutely beyond happy that we were totally compliant with what they needed to do...it did help that with the fall, as soon as we pulled into the ER ambulance bay my son started to come out of his weirdness and was talking, asking questions, etc, and his head stopped bleeding and they were able to assess that it wasn't fractured and it was just a TINY cut, so I was able to be joyous again instead of seeing DS's life flashing before my eyes.

Anyway, I didn't mean to write an essay, but despite the aberrations, I continue to trust Er/urgent care people far more than I do the others, and OP I would really try to give DS that info (even if perhaps YOU aren't sure), so he doesn't worry and doesn't say embarrassing and difficult things in front of them, should he hurt himself in the future.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kidzaplenty* 
Hope your son's head is healing well.

I hope so too!

Quote:

I don't have much else to add, as everyone seems to have touched about everything I could think of. Just wanted to say, it's not your fault. Children get hurt all the time, mine seem to be extra accident prone.
Mine, too!

Quote:

But I have never had CPS called on us because of a DR visit (only by toxic relatives).
Ditto! So, go ahead and use the ER as needed -- just be cautious in your personal life.


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