# I'm going to try the Jay Gordon method



## Tigerius (Jul 21, 2005)

I'm at the end of my rope and utterly exhausted. My depression is deepening due to exhaustion.

I think DS2 14mo is of a temperament that will accept the Jay Gordon method without too much heartache and it's the only method I know of that seems realistic and in line with my attachment parenting beliefs. this method never would have worked with my super sensitive high need (but wonderful) DS1.

I'm thinking of starting tomorrow night so I can get my 'head' organized first.

Anyone else had experience with this?


----------



## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

No but I'm waiting for dd2 to turn one so we can start. Honestly, I am so freakin' tired, I am counting the days. I don't even want a full night, 4-6 hours in a row would work wonders.


----------



## Pippi L. (Jan 25, 2008)

I did day one with my daughter and I was surprised how well she did. There was some crying, but it wasn't too bad and she settled down after a short time (I wasn't looking at the clock, but it didn't feel too long so it must have been short!) I would have kept going but she caught a stomach bug and hasn't eaten any solids since so we're back to nursing all night so she stays nourished and hydrated. Once she's well again, however, we'll keep going.

I certainly can't give any testimonies after just one night, bu I say it's worth a shot. If it starts to make you uncomfortable you can always stop.

Good luck and I hope you get some rest soon!


----------



## JavaJunkie (Jan 16, 2009)

Newbie here...saw this post and it finally got me to register so that I could reply. LOL

I used this method with my oldest when he was 2. He was a high needs babe, so that's why we waited until 2. I was at my wit's end with sleep deprivation and was rather dubious about whether or not I would ever actually be able to night-wean him. But it worked beautifully! Much better than I thought it would. He continued to nurse A LOT during the day, but he did that before the night weaning, too. At least I was getting enough sleep to recharge for it!

It's odd...my next 2 dc, I night nursed until they weaned(one at 18 months because I was pregnant, the next until almost 4yo because I was pregnant) and never had the issues that I had with my first. He wore me out. The other 2 didn't. Every child is so different!

Good luck!

Maria


----------



## KLM99 (Aug 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
No but I'm waiting for dd2 to turn one so we can start. Honestly, I am so freakin' tired, I am counting the days. I don't even want a full night, 4-6 hours in a row would work wonders.









I think Dr. Jay Gordon recommends not starting his plan until the child is at least 18 months... I just started looking into it for ideas for my "num num"-crazy 17MO, so I'm not sure what it involves or why he says you should wait...


----------



## ilovebabies (Jun 7, 2008)

Would someone give me brief rundown of his method? Never heard of him and would like to know. Is there a website?


----------



## L&L (Nov 19, 2008)

Here is the link! I was thinking of trying it when DD is 15 months bc my DH will not be working(summer) so it wouldn't be so hard on him...


----------



## ilovebabies (Jun 7, 2008)

Thanks for the link! I just read through it and wow, that's almost exactly what I did with mine (especially #4 who is now 16 months old), and it truly does work!


----------



## Tigerius (Jul 21, 2005)

Last night was the 1st night and it went well!

babe did cry a bit but it was only 3-5min and he was in my arms the whole time. It was an angry cry rather than a distressed one.

When I did let him feed as much as he wanted at 6am he really had a good feed and then went back to sleep (he usually gets up at 6am).

So far so good


----------



## reillys_mom (Mar 5, 2005)

We used his method for both boys and it worked well. ds1 we did it around 12 months and for ds2 around 15 months (each time I got sick while nursing on demand and the night weaning let me get enough rest to continue nursing). DH walked and rocked each of them through the tears. DS2 has been a lot harder to wean (we've been going through a tough spell now).

good luck


----------



## pife (Nov 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
No but I'm waiting for dd2 to turn one so we can start. Honestly, I am so freakin' tired, I am counting the days. I don't even want a full night, 4-6 hours in a row would work wonders.









Haa haa!! I am right there with you. Co-sleeping with my 12 month twins who the past couple of nights have been squirmy (getting into crwal position) or wanting to nurse every 1-2hrs!!! Can't remember 4 hours in a row. I am thinking of trying Dr. Jay's method when the days get a little longer.


----------



## SiValleySteph (Feb 26, 2003)

I did basically that method with my first son ... when he was 27 months old!







:

My second is almost 9 months now and I don't think I will wait as long this time. I'm exhausted and I think both my kids will benefit by me getting more sleep. I will see how it's going in a few months and then decide when is the right time.


----------



## smarie (May 30, 2007)

I'll have to look into this Jay Gordon method. I'd never heard of it before. I am nearing my witts end too. DD turns 1 in 2 weeks and is waking up anywhere from 3 to 10 times a night. At around 7 months we started putting her in her bed to sleep once she had bfed and was good and asleep in our bed. For the first few weeks she seemed to sleep for longer stretches doing that, but now I swear she is awake within 30 min. of me putting her down in her bed. I've tried rocking her, but she won't let me sit down with her. I've tried having my husband pace the floors with her, sometimes he could be gone for hours and since he's a helicopter pilot it's best he gets his sleep. And then last night after being up with her 2x an hour for 3 hours in a row I reached my breaking point. I finally just put her down in her bed, turned on her cd of lullabys, shut her door and went to back to my bed. Although I am totally against letting my own children "cry it out" I knew that last night the only alternative to it was that I was going to open up the window and toss her out into the snow. J/K She finally fell asleep after about 25 min of crying, which completely broke my heart. I know that she is not waking bc she is hungry, she is just wanting to nurse for the purpose of pacifying. Normally this wouldn't be as huge of an issue to me except that I am 8 weeks pregnant with our 4th child and I am completely exhausted. I feel as if I am truly beginning to get depressed due to lack of sleep. There are nights that I am awake with DD that I cry and cry and tell my husband I don't want this next baby (this wasn't a planned pregnancy). Once I've had some sleep I know I don't really mean that, but that's just the result of my extreme exhaustion. I'm going to try out that Jay Gordon method maybe. I'll let you all know how it goes.


----------



## patty_g (May 30, 2005)

To the OP: Did you try it? How did it go? I think I'm going to give it a try starting tonight (it's the weekend here so DH doesn't have work tomorrow a.m.) and hope for the best. We need sleep.


----------



## SMS (Mar 6, 2006)

I am going to try it starting tonight too. My DS turned 1 last week and I am at my wit's end. We are co-sleeping and he nurses all night long. I cannot get any sleep with him waking every hour. When I realized today that this is having an affect on my marriage, my health (too tired to exercise), my friendships (can't leave the house after bedtime in case he wakes up), I realized this has to change. I am scared to death bc I hate hearing my kiddos cry and I know this is going to be soooo hard, but I have to try.


----------



## cottontail (Sep 15, 2006)

I did this with my oldest DD at 15-months. I stretched out the stages by a day or two but within 2-weeks we were golden.







I couldn't even really tell you how awful it probably was. Love how things work like that.

I plan on using it again with my littlest DD when the time comes.


----------



## fabienne (Jan 4, 2005)

I did this with my son when he was 16 months. It worked super-well, especially because my husband took on the role of comforting him when he woke up.

Good luck!


----------



## KLM99 (Aug 9, 2007)

Since finding out I'm pregnant and since my husband won't stop complaining about not being able to sleep with DD's nursing sounds (she is kind of a loud nurser), we've been experimenting with the Jay Gordon method. My 17MO still nurses 3 or 4 times a night (she would probably nurse all night if she had the choice). The method is not really working for us for a couple of reasons...

We originally went with Dr. Gordon's suggestion of not nursing for 11pm to 6am, but the timing is really not working for us. DD seems to really need that 4:30/5am feeding - so much so, that the couple times I have tried the backrubbing/cuddling instead, she decides that she'd rather just wake up then. Waking up at 4:30am is totally not working for me







So I think we're going to move the timing around a little and see if that works better.

The other issue is that she's still waking quite a few times a night. She gets pissed for a few seconds when I say that "the num-nums are night-night", but as soon as I say "you want to cuddle and have rubs?" she's settles right down on my chest and points at her back for rubs. She is still waking up quite a few times at night for rubs though - which is actually more tiring for me than nursing since I can't just fall asleep while doing it. So now I feel like I've swapped the nursing for the rubbing, which doesn't help me at all. I'll have to do someone else's plan for weaning off backrubs!









I might just go back to nursing her since that never really bothered me to begin with (I'll just have to get my husband some earplugs - he's the major complainer about the night nursing, not me). I have noticed she's been more needy since I got pregnant, so maybe she's just not ready to night wean. I'll play it be ear...


----------



## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

Hi all -
I just wanted to revive this thread and hear how things are going for all the folks who had just started, or were about to start the Jay Gordon thing.

I was planning to wait a little more, and see if it was really absolutely necessary for us, but lately I have been so tired that I am actually sleeping through the early signs of my 13 month old son's wake-ups. He almost crawled off the bed the other night right over my sleeping legs. He wakes up or stirs for nursing so many times each night... sometimes hourly, or every 90 minutes. I get 2 continuous hours once a week, which always makes me think: I can do this, no problem, don't need to night wean. Til now.

Last night, through the fog, I just felt "ok, this is it." I want to night wean from 12 - 4. I really feel I could go a lot longer on the luxurious dream of 4 continuous hours each night. Hey, 3 would do, but why not go for the gold!

So - questions: anyone had success with this technique with the modification of walking the baby to sleep and putting him down without nursing? (instead of putting baby down awake)

When you do the first nights, and baby JUST WON'T GO BACK TO SLEEP with any amount of cuddles, walking, singing, dancing, rocking, etc etc -- do you just stay up? No nursing unless there's been a sleep interval, right? I'm willing, but at 3:45 I'd like a rule to remember so I don't have to try to think it all through.

Anyone had success passing baby off to dad for the final cuddling down steps?

What has worked? What hasn't worked? Experience, advice, reflections - let it rip!

Thanks so much!
-your sleepy friend, with hope


----------



## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

Forgive me for trying so hard to bump this -- it's my obsession right now.
We had our second night, and while I got very little sleep, it was because I was holding so absolutely still because HE FELL ASLEEP WITHOUT THE BREAST. Holy smoking can't believe this is my baby wow!

First of all there was no wake up between 7 and midnight, which hasn't happened in 4 months. Then he woke up at 12:05 (testing me?) and we nursed briefly sitting up in bed. Then I pulled my shirt down and told him "Daddy's asleep, Mommy's asleep, Milk is asleep, doggies are asleep" etc etc, and though he squirmed and protested, there was no true crying, and we just snuggled and rocked right there on the bed, and soon I laid him down -- more snuggles and protests and then... snores! This happened again at 3 and at 3:55, easier each time (but the first time only took 15 minutes), and I was so happy to side lie nurse again at 4:15.

This morning -- cheerful, teething, totally normal, no grudge.

Please tell me about your progression through this method, your disappointments, surprises, etc.

Trying not to get ahead of myself with anticipation of sleep!


----------



## sammysmaman (Jan 24, 2009)

That's great that you're making progress! I had seen the Jay Gordon article when dd was a newborn. Now, she is 18 mos. She shares a room w/ds (4), and I sleep in her bed w/her. I'm not ready to try the method yet. I actually sleep well. She nurses on and off all night, but I never really wake when she does - she just wiggles over







When it's time, I'll try it, though. I was wondering if anyone's siblings woke up from this method? Part of my hesitating to try is that, since the kids share a room, I don't want to wake up ds. Maybe I'll try in the summer when ds doesn't have school. Anyone btdt?


----------



## highsierra (Aug 14, 2008)

It sounds like this method has worked for a lot folks. Does it break your heart? I think that we will be trying tonight for the first time since I am becoming an angry nighttime mom. I am nervous b/c my DD definitely cries if she doesn't get her "milk" and it is happening every 2 hours or so. I appreciate reading everyone's experiences- I would love to hear more of people's cuddling techniques. She won't let me rub her back, she sits up and kind of throws herself down. Anyway, I am crossing my fingers. I think that we will sleep in her room in her bed (it is closer to the floor!)


----------



## studentmomma (Sep 10, 2007)

We're starting on the Jay Gordon tonight - we've done the "No Cry Sleep Solution" before and it didn't work for us. And I was committed so I'm praying that this will. I hope this thread doesn't have me overly optimistic...


----------



## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

Checking here as I delay going to bed with the baby... tonight is night 4, 5? I can't remember... anyway, we started the second phase last night.
The good news: (and I'm only night weaning between 12 - 4)

There were only 2 wake ups (9 and 11:30) for which I nursed him back down as usual.

The less good but not bad news:

He woke again at 2 am and I couldn't soothe him back down, tried for an hour, some real crying but mostly fussing. His daddy got him walked to sleep pretty easily after just 10 minutes, but he awoke as Daddy was unstrapping the carrier. Then miserable crying on Daddy for another 20 minutes, by which time it was 5 minutes til 4am so I just nursed him down as if it were 4 for real.

Back to good news:
Overall, no worse a night than a usual full moon and teething night is around here, and the day was lots of fun, happy, and independent babyness.

I'm still in the game, but I can't help dreading going to bed! More soon...

Hey, OPs - your updates? We want to hear from experienced night weaners!


----------



## highsierra (Aug 14, 2008)

Well, last night, the first night is what I would call a success. We went to bed at 7:45 nursed to sleep by 8:30. She woke up at 11:45 pm and after crying, squirming, & wailing we got her to sleep at 12:30 am. I nursed her briefly a couple of times during that 45 min. After that, she wimpered a couple of times during the rest of the night. I got some uninterrupted sleep! (so nice since I have a cold). I nursed her at 6 am (we were thinking 10-5) and she is still asleep at 7:30 am. I am hoping that tonight is just as good if not better. (I had prayed a lot for a good attitude and patience as well as told her about it many times yesterday)

Good luck to all. I will keep posted


----------



## schnoozy (Dec 10, 2006)

It's good to hear of some successes! I need help, though!

Does anyone have a child like mine? I've tried this method several times for the past six months or so, but ds (27 months) wised up pretty quick. When he realizes that he can't nurse, he actually gives up after fighting with me for about a half hour. Then he composes himself, gets up and walks away from me.

He'll proceed to spend the next few hours (in the middle of the night) playing. If he can't nurse, he's not going to sleep. Usually at about the four hour point of being awake and I'm dying to sleep, I force him to nurse and he'll go right to sleep. Otherwise, he's content to be awake.

My husband tells me that I should just not let him play, but I would have to restrain him in my arms. Not only does that feel cruel, but I probably wouldn't have the strength to last very long.

Does anyone know what I can do for him? Is it possibly he's just not ready to night wean, or am I too late in breaking the habit?

He has gotten to the point where he seems to need to be latched on all night long, and it's getting harder and harder to sleep through it. I've tried having him sleep next to our bed, but he never seems to get into a deep enough sleep to put him down without the boob.

Somebody help... I'm looking for a miracle!


----------



## AlicesMama (Nov 23, 2008)

When we do this, I know I will have to restrain and keep DD in arms. She's got way too much gusto inside her to give up without a fight. But when I say restrain, I mean, she will cry and I will want to hold her so that she knows she's not alone and that she may still be able to derive some comfort from me. DD is 10 months and we will start at 12 months I think. However for a toddler who is able to reason and understand a great deal more than say a 12 month old, well, I'm not sure that picking up/holding/restraining/comforting works so well.

Wishing you good luck! You could try complete night-weaning now that DS is so much older, and talk him through it for a few weeks before in the daytime. I think a lot of people have done this on here and found it very successful with a count-down to D-Day and then water and biscuits at night if baby wakes or wants to drink or eat, but num nums have gone night night like the rest of the world!


----------



## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

I have nothing to offer on the older toddler front, just sympathy. I have friends whose now 4 year old has never been a sleeper, and just last year she started sleeping through the night. Now she has a new brother and has stopped sleeping again. She says, "Act-oo-ally, I don't weally sweep at night." No joke. I have no idea what they did to get her down successfully before the baby came. I'll ask.

Meanwhile, it went well for us last night on the 2nd night of the 2nd phase. There were lots of wake-ups til I got to bed, then one at 11:30, which I nursed down (just weaning from 12 - 4) then another at 3 which (once again) I was stunned to find I could handle with rocking right there in bed and cuddles and singing. From 3 - 4, I had to stay just awake enough to keep humming in my 13month old son's ear otherwise he'd stir again. At 4 I let him wake enough to nurse, but it was very brief, and then he slept til 6:15.

Tonight I am imagining -- what would it be like not to be afraid to go to bed....


----------



## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

i'm taking notes, because I am curious about trying it too, but I want to wean from 8-12, because that is my 4 hour block of productive time before i go to bed with him. Once i go to bed, I don't care if he nurses til my nipple falls off







.

I wonder if it can be done that way, or if that is too "backwards"....


----------



## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

waiting2bemommy --- I bet that will work fine. We did a version of that when our son was 8-9 months old in which my partner did all the re-put-downs after I nursed the baby to sleep, and before I went to bed myself. Within a week, I wasn't needed for any of them and there were 1-2 at most compared to 3-6 when I was going in for all of them.

OK, last night was night 2 of the second phase, and again, to my shock, it went pretty well. The last nurse-to-sleep was at 10:30, then there was a wake-up at 12:30, easily soothed back to sleep with NO NURSING!!!!
Then there was a wake-up at 3, a little harder, but any true crying was a long long minute or less, and down he went again. Another wake-up at 3:45, and I was sorely tempted to just nurse (what does a baby know from 15 minutes here or there) but then I remembered that my baby has an internal clock that is more accurate than our computer. So I again got him down without nursing, and he stayed asleep til 4:45. He nursed then, and again at 5:45 and was up for real at 6:15.

I am sooooo encouraged.
What's next, I wonder?


----------



## riomidwife (Sep 1, 2006)

We tried JGs method, more or less, at around 11 months the first time. I was desperate and hadn't slept for more than two hours at a time in one year--and 2 hours was not even a given!

But at 11 months DS was totally not ready. After the first attempt at not nursing back to sleep, DS went into a total meltdown and screamed bloody murder for whats eemed like forever. I nursed him back down, and the next day I had a distant, detatched, gloomy baby that broke my heart. I swore I would never do that to either one of us again--or any time soon!

Tried again at 12+ months, not having it. Tried at 13+ months, not having it. Tried at 14+ months---success! And it was easy! He would wake up, and bolt up out of bed as usual, and I simply laid him back down sushing him to sleep, like cake falling off a log. He still woke up just as often, but would go back to sleep without protest until about 4 or 5 when he would wake up STARVING TO DEATH.

Less than a month later DS gets a nasty virus, fever, everything, and reverts to nursing all night again. We had to, the poor guy wouldn't eat a thing, and was feverish and miserable. So that ended our sucessfull night-weaning, and here we are about 5 months later, waking up every 1-2 hours. During this time however we've come to realize that DS has some food allergies which make him very uncomfortable at night, so at this point I am not going to even attempt to night wean again until we get a handle on his allergies and I know he is not waking up in pain.


----------



## Pippi L. (Jan 25, 2008)

We're in the middle of night weaning now (I posted way back when on this thread about stopping because my dd had a stomach bug).

It's going fairly well. She's easily soothed back to sleep without nursing until about 2am. Around 2 she wants milk and is mad mad mad if she doesn't get it and continues to be restless even when she stops crying. I think she's hungry around that time, but I've been holding off nursing until 5am. I try hard to tank her up at night, but she's been throwing food on the floor and eating less than usual (started this before the night weaning).

I might relent and give her a 2am nurse, but I'm going to try a few more days and see if she manages to adjust her eating schedule.

I have had to hold her down. When she's mad she throws her whole body every which way. If she were in a crib she'd throw herself against the bars. I don't like doing it, but she wouldn't be safe otherwise. I did it when we started getting her to fall asleep alone about a month ago. Before that I would wrestle her into the Ergo and walk her to sleep so I was still restraining her, just in another way.

She is sleeping much better. She lies down next to us and falls asleep, usually without a struggle. Before 2am she wakes less frequently and can be soothed by either me or my husband. This has improved our quality of life about 100 fold. Even if I decide to give her that 2am feed it's still been worth it.


----------



## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

Latest update from our family bed -- can't remember any more what night of the process this is, just that we are in the midst of the semi-final stage in which I soothe baby back to sleep without picking him up. So far, so good. Once I come to bed, there is an increasingly long interval before his next wake-up. Last night I actually got 3 hours sleep between 11:30 (nursed) and 2:30 (soothed.) The 2:30 wake-up became an hour of restlessness, then brief deep sleep, then a wake-up at 3:50. Since my end time for the night weaning is 4, that was a tricky moment, but I held my ground, soothed him again, and was glad to nurse at the next wake-up at 4:30.

So, the early half of the weaning is super easy, in fact, it's sleep. The second half takes more work, but not harder than nursing all night, and there's no true misery from my son during that time, just whimpery restlessness.

BUT: I do notice that his going-to-bed process, and early night wake-ups are getting harder (in fact, I just gave up on getting him down and his dad is working on it as I type.) No idea if this is a reaction to the middle of the night changes, or just getting ready to walk and teething blah blah blah.

*Anyone else notice the going-to-bed part getting wacky during night weaning?*


----------



## belle.h (Oct 19, 2005)

off to research and try this! I need some sleep to be a better mom to both girls right now







... DD2 would nurse all night if she could...


----------



## belle.h (Oct 19, 2005)

Hmmm, I can't seem to find the info? Anyone have a link? Does he have suggestions for older children also(3.5)?


----------



## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp


----------



## user_name (Jun 8, 2005)

so glad for this thread -- dh is growing ever more unsupportive of my nursing dd, maybe sttn will slow down that train a little longer...


----------



## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

I just wanted to update you guys that I have removed some posts because they were advocating CIO. As a quick reminder I want to say that our goal in this forum is to find gentle solution that respects the child's needs while understanding that sleep issues are very challenging.

As a mother of two children that both still sleep with me I understand greatly how hard it can be to find a balance between my own sanity and my children's wellbeing. Especially because I work full time out of the home.

This is a good thing to remember when dealing with our own personal problems with babies and sleep.

Quote:

Once we become parents it is easy to blame ourselves when our children's behavior seems out of control. The pervasive idea that we should be able to control sleep habits leads us too quickly to call night waking a "sleep disorder" and to wonder what we are doing wrong to cause it. Research gives no indication that anything parents do causes night waking. Babies whose cries are responded to rapidly are not more prone to it. Assuming that there is some method out there to treat sleep "disorders" undermines a parent's confidence. Despite the notion that "healthy, normal" babies sleep through the night, surveys of parents show that most babies do not sleep through the night, at least until all their teeth are in.

While waiting for our children to develop physically and emotionally to the point where they can realistically soothe themsleves to sleep, we need to work on our own development toward tolerance, patience, and acceptance of those aspects of parenting that are beyond our control. What remains in our control is the ability to continue to care for our children even though they are keeping us awake at night; to continue to hold to our own integrity as feeling people.

To embrace a philosophy that takes into account the individual needs of each child is not to ignore the unfortunate reality that we need sleep. We need to nurture ourselves in this process of raising children. The key to tolerance, and the natural passge through the nightwaking years, is to observe, accept, and work with your child's own inner rhythms and timetables, which can lead to the understanding that nurturing your child and nurturing yourself are not mutually exclusive enterprises.

'Natural Family Living' by Peggy O'Mara
This is also a good article that might help remind some of us that what we are going through is normal and offers some helpful suggestions to help overcome some of the tough times.


----------

