# Perineal Massage FREAKIN' HURTS! *TMI*



## LilacMama (Aug 18, 2008)

Ahem.

So, I tried this last night. I've been ambivalent about it but my midwife is a huge believer in it so I thought I should give it a whirl.

My husband helped me (he wasn't exactly enthused but he went with it). Here's how it went...

I found a somewhat comfortable "upright" birthing position and opened my legs wide. I immediately felt SUPER tense and anxious and vulnerable. So, I get myself to just calm down in that position. Needing breathing exercises just to deal with the position. Great....

Then, he got olive oil on his fingers and *touched* the *outside* of my vagina. And I was like "AHHHHHH!!!" and totally tensed up again.

Do you see how this is going?

FINALLY, he did some actual perineal massage and I did my utmost to relax and it HURT LIKE HELL. The instructions said to stretch until I felt a *slight* tingling or burning, but it was way more than *slight* to me. He was being really gentle. He was using his two index fingers and he does not have big hands. How will I handle a BABY'S HEAD?!

For the record, my husband and I have been together forever, we're best friends, his presence doesn't make me tense up and feel self-conscious. But I tried to do it myself and it still hurt like hell.

I do have a sensitive vagina, it's true. Sex is often painful for me without a lot of lube and foreplay.

BUT, I had no IDEA until last night that I would have that experience with perineal massage. Now I'm honestly SCARED to give birth where I wasn't before.

The thought of trying perineal massage again makes me want to cry and I can't even stomach the thought of giving birth. HELP!


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## rixafreeze (Apr 30, 2006)

Well, I never bothered doing it. As far as I've been able to tell, there's no convincing evidence that it does any good. I know that some midwives are strong believers in it, but I know a lot of others who have a totally hands-off/hands-out/leave-it-alone policy for pregnancy and labor. It's one of those practices that was taught heavily in the 1970s and has gradually fallen out of favor, depending on who your midwife learned from. If it hurts and makes you stressed out, then DON'T DO IT!

You might want to read some of these articles that I linked to about midwives who believe that you shouldn't mess with the perineum so much. It will give you a different perspective than what you might have learned from your midwife.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

I tried it once and thought it hurt like hell too so I stopped and just worked on preparing myself mentally. I didn't find my DS's birth all that painful, no more so than it should do anyway.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

If you hate it DON'T DO IT









I've not read anything that really shows it helps. Some things show it could make things worse.

-Angela


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
If you hate it DON'T DO IT









I've not read anything that really shows it helps. Some things show it could make things worse.

-Angela

Yes it can make it worse, trust me! My OB was doing these during labor (gently, he was doing it gently with oils) and yeah it hurt like a son-of-a-gun. I was only able to relax after I knew I was not going to get any more of those massages!


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## maria22000 (Jan 2, 2008)

I never did either, and second Rixa. 4 kids and never tore.

I think too that if you want to do it at all, it would be much more enjoyable to try anything like this while have sex. There is more blood flow to the area and we tend to be more relaxed. Try a more playful/sexual approach and it may feel good. I wouldn't worry about it though if it never feels good.


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## Phoenix~Mama (Dec 24, 2007)

I was sort of wishy washy about wether or not we were going to do it or not either... Then we had our birthing class this weekend and the doula that taught it had such a great case for doing it, and my midwife strongly encourages it as well.

Their reasons are it helps make the brain connection... big thing in first timers... we are typically scared of the unknown and when we first feel a new sensation we may tense up or close up and this can stunt the delivery process...

With the perneal massage it helps the brain to recognize a pressure there and get your mind to recognize that pressure and be more familiar with it.

I wish I had remembered everything the doula had said because I found it pretty compelling because prior to that class DH and I were pretty much not going to do it...

But we did our first session last night... the pressing down part of it was definitely tingley... but I have to say I found the stroking/stretching part of it kind of nice.









Maybe it was the position you were in? I had a TON of pillows propped up behind me. Also... maybe try some relaxation/normal massage of your lower back/legs before hand to try to get you feeling more tranuil?

If it still hurts that much I'd talk to your MW about it.







Maybe she has some other suggestions?


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rixafreeze* 
Well, I never bothered doing it. As far as I've been able to tell, there's no convincing evidence that it does any good.









:
I don't care who learned from whom... evidence-based care is what matters to me. No evidence for it? I'm not interested!

But I just wanted to let you know that for years, sex has sometimes been painful for me without lots of foreplay & often lube too. But having DS was fine. (Ok, I had a 1st degree tear, and yes, it hurt), but it wasn't all that bad. LESS painful than I had expected! And I guess he was a good sized baby. I went to 41W 4D. You'll be fine!


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

The perineal "massage" that the OB did with oil when I was giving birth to dd1 hurt like hell. Big surprise that I tore. (I was also encouraged to purple push)

Nobody touched my perineum when dd2 was born. It didn't hurt at all and I did not tear. I also didn't have anybody yelling at me to "PUSH!"

I'd avoid the perineal massage.


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

I think that there is some evidence to support antenatal perinatal massage- see the Cochrane 2006 review-- but regardless of what is evidence supported or not don't do what you are uncomfortable doing--


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## BekahMomToOliver (Oct 31, 2008)

I didn't do it, and I certainly wouldn't recommend that you do it anymore! If you become convinced that birth is going to hurt like crazy, and if doing P.M. reinforces that fear, it only makes it more likely that you'll tense up when the time comes. Then it probably will hurt more.

I can tell you from my experience, the contractions hurt more than his crowning did. In fact, by the time he crowned I was so exhausted that the burning felt really good because I knew it meant he would be born soon. It really helped to remind myself that burning = crowning = baby!

Good luck!


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## hapersmion (Jan 5, 2007)

When I was pregnant I read a few things about it, and it sounded like a good idea - but when I mentioned it to my midwives they looked at me like I was crazy, and said they didn't do it, but my husband could if we wanted. *shrug* We didn't bother. Now that I've given birth, I wouldn't want anyone messing with me.

Like any other thing that a care provider might want to do, if you don't agree, just say no.


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## Emily's Mama (Apr 22, 2007)

I didn't do the massage like that as the couple times I tried it did hurt, but I did use an Epi-no trainer (if you haven't heard of it, it's a little rubber balloon you insert into your vagina and pump it up gradually over a couple weeks to stretch you and practice pushing it out).

I also often find sex painful, so was a bit worried.

When I started I could barely get 4cm diameter and the goal is 8-10 cm!!! But in the end I could do 9cm and while it didn't feel great, it also wasn't the most painful thing in the world. It helped my confidence a lot though.

In the end, I still tore, but the pushing phase was quick and painless actually and. Midwife said she's observed that with others using the epi-no (still tearing, but shorter pushing phases).

don't forget that during labour you will have lots of hormones in you to help everything stretch out. Yes, it's hard to believe beforehand that the baby can actually get out, but amazingly it does!! sometimes I still shake my head in disbelief that my daughter came out of my vagina!


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## MsBlack (Apr 10, 2007)

I agree--don't do if it doesn't feel right.

And Emily is so right--your body will be primed with hormones and the hours of labor, before baby stretches you that much. The way the stretching feels now is nothing like what it will be like during labor. I no longer recommend prenatal perineal massage nor do much by way of perineal support for birthing women--I tend to trust instead, that women do best if unhindered (and I see very few tears). But I have seen (felt) a few yonis in first-time moms that were very toned/tight indeed--and even they have had little to no tearing during their first birth. Your body knows just what to do!

If you want to do something by way of preparation, I would suggest instead that you do what I call 'focussed kegels'--rather than doing a lot of kegels hard and fast, take some minutes each day to do a few--maybe 10 of em--slow and focussed. Breathe in deeply, and as you exhale slowly, gradually tighten your pelvic floor more and more. This may end up including tightening of lower abs, thighs, gluts too. When you are at the end of exhaling, then release on the next inhale, slowly and fully. Continue releasing on the following exhale, focussing on fully releasing/relaxing all the muscles you just tightened. Then, start over with inhale while relaxed, gradually tightening as tight as you can while you exhale, holding as long as you can without strain before inhaling/releasing again. 5-10 reps of this is very effective--as many as you like. While you might not feel much at first, if you keep up with it daily (or most days) you will gradually begin to gain more awareness and control over those muscles--and the part where you release will start to feel very good indeed, relaxing your whole body some.

This can get you accustomed to releasing your pelvic floor as needed during birth--and may well help your sexual enjoyment as well. We generally think of kegels as an exercise to help maintain tone of pelvic floor muscles--but the ability to consciously release/relax those muscles is just as important to a birthing woman! Instead of providing perineal massage or support during birth now, I generally will just keep an eye on mom's perineum and listen to her voice--if either one tells me that she is feeling a burn, nearing the point of tearing, I will usually ask her to melt, release, relax, breathe into the pain and let the baby come easy (stuff like that--not necessarily all of it). You would be surprised how much more you can release during birth than you imagined at any time other than birth, with the help of those hormones and all.


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