# Ferber just misunderstood?



## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

I've never read his stuff, but from what I have gathered online, I thought he was evil. According to this article, he's just misunderstood by a lot of people.

Sleep expert's name is now a verb

He's updating his book soon, and here's a positive thing:

Quote:

It will eliminate the offhand suggestion -- often hurled against him by critics -- that it's wrong to share a bed with a baby. ''There's no basis for that [belief] in evolution; there's no basis for that in sociology," Ferber said.


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## beth568 (Jul 1, 2004)

I have always been under the impression that he's a decent guy, and a reasonably reliable expert. I have friends who have heard him speak and said he actually seemed quite gentle. He certainly doesn't strike me as the worst of the CIO advocates. Nevertheless, I don't like his method. I hope his updated book will be better.


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## Trishy (Oct 15, 2002)

What's to misunderstand? He advocates CIO. It doesn't matter how many positives there are, leaving your child to cry himself to sleep is awful.


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## mamaliss (Sep 25, 2003)

amen!!!!


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

He advocates CIO and strict schedules for babies of all ages. His philosophy is that parents should be in total control of their children, something I am vehemently opposed to.

Quote:

But if a baby relies on her parents to help her fall asleep -- by always nursing or rocking her, for instance -- she may never learn to do it on her own.


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## gethane (Dec 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stafl*
He advocates CIO and strict schedules for babies of all ages. His philosophy is that parents should be in total control of their children, something I am vehemently opposed to.
Quote:
But if a baby relies on her parents to help her fall asleep -- by always nursing or rocking her, for instance -- she may never learn to do it on her own.










Ya, I have to rock my 13, 12, and 10 year olds to sleep EVERY NIGHT!! Really!

:LOL


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gethane*
Ya, I have to rock my 13, 12, and 10 year olds to sleep EVERY NIGHT!! Really!

LOL!!


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## emmalala (Dec 3, 2001)

In the New Yorker about 4 years ago, he "recanted" - I think his name is used to cover a lot of things he didn't actually advocate in his book. He certainly came off as relatively human in that article, saying things like he is horrified at the things people tell him they've done to sleep-train their babies...


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## shalena (May 31, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emmalala*
In the New Yorker about 4 years ago, he "recanted" - I think his name is used to cover a lot of things he didn't actually advocate in his book. He certainly came off as relatively human in that article, saying things like he is horrified at the things people tell him they've done to sleep-train their babies...


I heard this too, he admitted to being wrong and explained that CIO is actually harmful to an infant.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

I think if were really such a decent guy, he would have pushed for a revision of the book a long time ago, instead of letting the old one continue to sell like hotcakes. Seems to me he doesn't really care that much about babies when the book sells so well.

I hope the poster above is right and he will come out with a good revision...but having seen the "revised" What to Expect The First Year, I'm not going to hold my breath.


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## UrbanEarthMom (Jul 20, 2004)

It is interesting to see that he is re-thinking his position on co-sleeping. When I glanced at his book at the bookstore and turned to the area about co-sleeping I saw that he said something like "why would you want to do that" and suggested that there must be marital issues that the couple is trying to avoid dealing with if they co-sleep. :LOL

I'm hoping that someday people are going to look back and say "can you believe that there were books out that encouraged parents to let their children cry themselves to sleep!"


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

I do not care for him or his "philosophies" at all. I know it may seem like an extreme example, but anyone remember when David Duke (KKK leader person wizard thing?) decided to run for some office renouncing all his beliefs and saying he didn't feel that way anymore and that he was a swell guy?

I do.

No, I wouldn't have voted for him. Same principle applies here. That might make me a hard @ss, but oh well.

It is hard for me to believe someone has changed so much when they are still cashing checks on their *old* beliefs.


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## Quillian (Mar 1, 2003)

Ferber has a ds who was a violent crib rocker and they solved the problem by padding the outside of the crib with sofa cushions so it would make less noise and therfore not disturb the rest of the family!







No I think he is so clinical he forgot that he's even talking about babies.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

One of my friends actually emailed Dr. Ferber because her son was having "sleep problems". She had read his book and wanted some additional advice. He wrote her back with the advice and encouraged her to follow his methods. I then heard her in the background having her son cry and scream in his crib for an hour during an afternoon phone call. She does this daily and at 16 mos. his "sleep problems" still are not solved.







I can't imagine that anyone would tell her it's okay for him to scream in the crib for a full hour.


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## mainegirl (Jul 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gethane*
Ya, I have to rock my 13, 12, and 10 year olds to sleep EVERY NIGHT!! Really!

:LOL

I was thinking the EXACT same thing. All those poor parents having to go to their grown childrens' houses to rock them to sleep every night! :LOL


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## awnja (Sep 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momtwice*
I think if were really such a decent guy, he would have pushed for a revision of the book a long time ago, instead of letting the old one continue to sell like hotcakes. Seems to me he doesn't really care that much about babies when the book sells so well.

If I were him, I'd be scared to publish again. What if parents take his next advice to the extreme, ya know? Maybe he was hoping families would start thinking for themselves!

Julie


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## MamaE (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UrbanEarthMom*
It is interesting to see that he is re-thinking his position on co-sleeping. When I glanced at his book at the bookstore and turned to the area about co-sleeping I saw that he said something like "why would you want to do that" and suggested that there must be marital issues that the couple is trying to avoid dealing with if they co-sleep. :LOL

:LOL Add us to the list of co-sleepers with marital problems. Puh-leez... Scary, though - I wonder if that's what our crib-using friends think of us??

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UrbanEarthMom*
I'm hoping that someday people are going to look back and say "can you believe that there were books out that encouraged parents to let their children cry themselves to sleep!"









I'm hoping the same. Actually, I have faith in this - when DD is raising her babies, the advice will be "babies and toddlers should never be left to cry and should always sleep cradled in the arms of a loving parent."


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

Well, I haven't read his book, and was recently thinking I ought to, since it's such a hot topic of discussion, and then I saw this thread.







His name is certainly bandied about all over the place: "I Ferberized him," one woman told me (she was very pleased; after three days her boy slept through the night and still does- and I was jealous) and "Now, I'm not Ferber or Spock, but" (from my pediatrician).

But the quotes I've seen, for example here on this thread, don't seem that outrageous or hard-hearted. I think some *do* avoid marital issues via the family bed- I've seen that with friends- and even No Cry Sleep Solution talks about how the baby might never learn to fall asleep on his/her own if negative associations are reinforced. I *do* know 10 and 12 year olds who have their parents sit with them, and I think that's madness. I do know someone whose daughter only put herself to bed at 8 years old- she did things a little differently with her second, a decade later, and that baby wanted to go to bed all by herself at 3 years old. I also know how irritating it is to have people assume you have no real romantic or private life if you cosleep, and to have people assume your baby will never be independent. So there's definitely gradations here.

It doesn't make sense to say that CIO always has life-long ill effects when so many well-adjusted, well-attached people cried as babies. I know many loving, attached, involved parents who used the "Ferber method" or some form of CIO and their children seem just fine. I am a believer in boundaries though I wouldn't advocate "leaving your baby to cry." It's like saying if you drink or smoke pot, your whole life will be ruined and you'll become a heroin addict- the masses of perfectly normal people out there who aren't heroin addicts while they are drinkers or smokers give that argument the lie. I think many gentle parenting/AP advocates end up alienating the audience who needs to hear them the most because of this.

I think I will have to read the book now!


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## Vicitoria (Dec 17, 2004)

The information I read also said that he was respectful of what parents were able to do. There were things that he recommends but also says to do what you feel comfortable with. He might say your child doesn't need to eat overnight but if you feel it's necessary, do it.

You never really know what someone elses situation is and co-sleeping isn't necessarily the answer for everyone. I'm glad there is a lot of information out there because you just never know what might work. What I read was if your child rocks themself to sleep or bangs their head to at least make it safe for them to do so. What makes you think co-sleeping is necessarily going to stop it? Maybe they will just bang against the other people in the bed all night instead.

I've tried about 4 or 5 different things with my son so far. We have come to the conclustion for the second time that co-sleeping is just not the right thing. Everything has worked well for a while then he goes through another phase and we need to solve the issues that come up with that. It's a journey not a play using Dr. Sears as a script.


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## nycapmom (Jan 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LizD*
But the quotes I've seen, for example here on this thread, don't seem that outrageous or hard-hearted. I think some *do* avoid marital issues via the family bed- I've seen that with friends-

I don't know a single co-sleeping person that co-sleeps for any other reason than it is best for their child/family. Not that it isn't possible, I guess, but I know a lot of co-sleeping folks. DH and I always thought sex in the bed was boring anyway









Quote:


Originally Posted by *LizD*
and even No Cry Sleep Solution talks about how the baby might never learn to fall asleep on his/her own if negative associations are reinforced. I *do* know 10 and 12 year olds who have their parents sit with them, and I think that's madness.

NCSS is sleep training. It may not be ferberizing but it does involve sleep training. I don't think falling asleep at the breast is a "negative sleep association" nor do I think falling asleep in the loving arms of a parent is. Those are memories I (and my children) will cherish forever. There couldn't be a more *positive* way to fall asleep, IMO.

[/QUOTE]
It doesn't make sense to say that CIO always has life-long ill effects when so many well-adjusted, well-attached people cried as babies. I know many loving, attached, involved parents who used the "Ferber method" or some form of CIO and their children seem just fine. I am a believer in boundaries though I wouldn't advocate "leaving your baby to cry." It's like saying if you drink or smoke pot, your whole life will be ruined and you'll become a heroin addict- the masses of perfectly normal people out there who aren't heroin addicts while they are drinkers or smokers give that argument the lie. I think many gentle parenting/AP advocates end up alienating the audience who needs to hear them the most because of this.

I think I will have to read the book now!







[/QUOTE]

All that says to me is that babies are resilient and can *survive* CIO. It does not mean it wasn't damaging or isn't wrong







And those people you know who seem fine......I want more than "fine" for my child.


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## emmalala (Dec 3, 2001)

Although something may be working for you, it doesn't mean it will work for EVERY family.

Please be respectful of attachment parents using techniques other than what works for your family. There are loving AP families out there with babies whose sleep needs are different and are therefore met differently.

And, as quite a separate point, there are times in a baby's life when crying is the right thing - it's an emotional expression as well as a baby's statement of needs. There was an article about this in Mothering a bit ago...


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## Trishy (Oct 15, 2002)

The article in Mothering was on crying in arms, not crying it out. CIO is not attachment parenting.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:

It doesn't make sense to say that CIO always has life-long ill effects when so many well-adjusted, well-attached people cried as babies. I know many loving, attached, involved parents who used the "Ferber method" or some form of CIO and their children seem just fine.
I guess I shouldn't have used car seats...since so many wonderful people were never put in a car seat before they became the norm about 20 years ago. And I only know of a couple people who were hurt/died in car accidents. So for most people, avoiding car seats was just fine. (Yes, this is sarcasm.)

Quote:

I want more than "fine" for my child.
This bears repeating!


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## Mindful Mom (Jun 9, 2003)

Zoe had a terrible time sleeping for the first year of her life. We weren't upset because of the impact it had on us (although it certainly wasn't a pleasant time!) but we felt that she was suffering from honest-to-goodness sleep deprivation. She was *always* miserable, always rubbing her eyes, always crying (even in-arms, in the sling, etc.). She was hypotonic and had a gross motor delay and we were very concerned that her lack of sleep was affecting her overall development. If you read my other posts here on MDC, you'll see what a struggle it all was!! We were honestly concerned that she had a clinical sleep-disorder.

Anyway -- after trying everything we could think of short of sustained CIO (we did let her CIO for brief periods of time two or three times -- when we were really just lost) our ped referred us to Dr Ferber.

We were totally up front about co-sleeping and the fact that we didn't want to let her CIO. He was totally accepting of *both* co-sleeping and no-CIO and told us that he felt we could help her get the sleep she needed while still co-sleeping.

He asked about our plans for weaning (she was 10 months at the time) and we said we had no plans -- he said "ok, that's fine".

He did strongly suggest that her sleep probably wouldn't improve until we nightweaned, but he also said that we could nightwean gently and with her in our bed. He worked with us to establish a schedule that progressively increased the length of time between night nursings. We finally nightweaned when she was about a year and it did make a huge difference in her sleep, as well as her disposition.

I asked him if he realized that the attachment-parenting community thought he was the devil -- he didn't really answer :LOL He did say that he has a different take on sleep because he sees kids who have severe sleep disorders. He said it finds it really upsetting to see kids who can't do all the typical kid-things because of sleep difficulites. He acknowledges that most kids don't have true clinical sleep disorders, but that they're more common than most parents realize.

Anyway -- my point is that he's not for everyone but he's also not the "devil" some people think he is!!


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## gethane (Dec 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mindful Mom*
Zoe had a terrible time sleeping for the first year of her life. We weren't upset because of the impact it had on us (although it certainly wasn't a pleasant time!) but we felt that she was suffering from honest-to-goodness sleep deprivation. She was *always* miserable, always rubbing her eyes, always crying (even in-arms, in the sling, etc.). She was hypotonic and had a gross motor delay and we were very concerned that her lack of sleep was affecting her overall development. If you read my other posts here on MDC, you'll see what a struggle it all was!! We were honestly concerned that she had a clinical sleep-disorder.

Anyway -- after trying everything we could think of short of sustained CIO (we did let her CIO for brief periods of time two or three times -- when we were really just lost) our ped referred us to Dr Ferber.

I'm so glad you posted. That is truly excellent and FIRST HAND information. I never did think Ferber was on the same order of "yuck" as Babywise, considering he was actually a doctor and sleep expert.

I'm glad you were able to find a gentle way to get more sleep for your daughter and your family.

emmalala, my toddler is a cryer and always has been. He cries when I can't figure out why, he thrashes, he resists sleep and its not ever the right choice for him to cry ALONE. If you are advocating leaving a baby in a room to cry to train him to give up, then you aren't going to find ANY support for that here on MDC. This is my fourth baby. I managed to not do sleep training on any of my children, including when I had 3 children 3 and under.


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## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:

I know many loving, attached, involved parents who used the "Ferber method" or some form of CIO and their children seem just fine.
How can you fully respect you child - except for, well, sometimes... just when you need sleep. We all need sleep. It's parenting. I'm all for working with your child to keep from burning out, but *never at their expense*!!!

How confused CIO children must be, trying to figure out when they get their needs met by loving parent, and when they are SOL. They must really wonder if they are lovable or not.

As far as never learning to sleep alone... By that logic, we should never use diapers or they won't learn to use a toilet. Can't carry them, or how will they ever learn to walk?! We shouldn't cook for them, or they'll never learn it themselves...

SILLY!!

As for Ferber, if he is so caring about chilren getting appropiate care, he wouldn't have published books with formulaic parenting methods, advising desperate, sleep-deprived parents to leave their terrified children alone.

If he really feels that most babies do not have sleep disorders, it was irresponsible for him to pass out blanket advise to families who are not getting clinical supervision.


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## womama (Mar 14, 2005)

I am in the middle of the CIO dilema. I have been co-sleeping with my son who is 4 1/2 months. It has caused much marital stress. I can't do the whole CIO thing, but I am desperate for some type of help. I don't care where my baby sleeps, only that he can fall asleep on his own, meaning w/o being rocked or nursed to sleep. Is there any way of doing this gently?

I asked my mom, and she informed me that at 9 mos I was too big to rock to sleep(she was 5 mos pregnant) and she and my dad let me CIO for one week. I had no idea, I was amazed. I think I am perfect! *Smile* just joking*
How could I have gone through this tragedy and turned out fine? Are we all overreacting? I need to middle of the road guidance on this issue. Anyone willing to share?


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

The tone of this "discussion" is growing too nasty and dogmatic for me. As though any of us don't "want more than fine" for our children!

What I was attempting to put forth was that those points about marital problems, and too much difficulty for the baby surrendering to sleep, have some merit for some people. Yes, it is annoying when we cosleeping and breastfeeding parents have those generalizations flung at us in argument to what we do. But it is equally silly to do the same from the other side of the issue.

For the record, my post wasn't about *me* and my marital issues (I bet I have more sex in more places than anyone else on this thread) or letting my baby CIO- I haven't- but the OP's topic for discussion: that Ferber might be misunderstood, or some points taken too literally/far etc.

Replies starting "How can you...?" and "I want more...for my children," and "I shouldn't have used carseats" really do not help keep an objective or friendly tone. Again, by bashing a whole concept in this nasty way, we will only end up alienating those who need to hear the AP/cosleeping message the most.


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## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:

I think I am perfect! *Smile* just joking*
How could I have gone through this tragedy and turned out fine? Are we all overreacting?
I understand that you are saying this with levity, but the issue is serious. As pp said, I want way more than "fine" for my son. Humans have an enormous capacity to cope with trauma and continue functioning. In large part we do this (children entirely) by forgetting. It in no way means that those traumas have no effect later, but that we can easily deny them and lessen their importance. We do this to protect ourselves from really wrapping our minds around the idea that our parents inflicted terror on us. No on e wants to believe that, and will go to great mental and emotional gymnastics to make it not have been true.

As for advice, NCSS is a gentler way. Really it's a bunch of kinder suggestions and not a "formula". Pantly believes in nurturing children and parental instinct.


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## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:

but the OP's topic for discussion: that Ferber might be misunderstood, or some points taken too literally/far etc.
My opinion on this "misunderstanding" again:

Quote:

As for Ferber, if he is so caring about chilren getting appropiate care, he wouldn't have published books with formulaic parenting methods, advising desperate, sleep-deprived parents to leave their terrified children alone.

If he really feels that most babies do not have sleep disorders, it was irresponsible for him to pass out blanket advise to families who are not getting clinical supervision.
As for the assertion that everyone wants more for their child than "fine", I offer that this suggests otherwise:

Quote:

I know many loving, attached, involved parents who used the "Ferber method" or some form of CIO and their children seem just fine.
In fact I personally know people who specifically want *no more* than "fine" for their children so that they don't start thinking too highly of themselves.


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## emmalala (Dec 3, 2001)

gethane and trishshack, I am NOT advocating CIO. I don't think anythng in what I posted said anything about that??!

I wanted to help people remember that kids can be different and some do cry and that is part of them... gethane, guessing from what you wrote about your own dc, you have experienced what I was talking about.


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trishshack*
What's to misunderstand? He advocates CIO. It doesn't matter how many positives there are, leaving your child to cry himself to sleep is awful.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

This sums up how I feel about Mr. Ferber

Quote:

I don't generally complain about oppressive patriarchal social structures, but Ferberism is a good example of one. As "family bed" boosters have noted, male physicians, who have no idea what motherhood is like, have cowed women for decades into doing unnatural and destructive things. For a while doctors said mothers shouldn't feed more than once every four hours. Now they admit they were wrong. For a while they pushed bottle feeding. Now they admit this was wrong. For a while they told pregnant women to keep weight gains minimal (and some women did so by smoking more cigarettes!). Wrong again. Now they're telling mothers to deny food to infants all night long once the kids are a few months old.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/P...503/SLEEP.HTML


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *womama*
I am in the middle of the CIO dilema. I have been co-sleeping with my son who is 4 1/2 months. It has caused much marital stress. I can't do the whole CIO thing, but I am desperate for some type of help. I don't care where my baby sleeps, only that he can fall asleep on his own, meaning w/o being rocked or nursed to sleep. Is there any way of doing this gently?

I asked my mom, and she informed me that at 9 mos I was too big to rock to sleep(she was 5 mos pregnant) and she and my dad let me CIO for one week. I had no idea, I was amazed. I think I am perfect! *Smile* just joking*
How could I have gone through this tragedy and turned out fine? Are we all overreacting? I need to middle of the road guidance on this issue. Anyone willing to share?

a 4.5 month old baby still needs, *NEEDS* to nurse at night! If you attempt to sleep train or nightwean such a brand new infant, you are at a huge risk of losing the breastfeeding relationship altogether. Nurse your baby when he needs to nurse, it won't hurt him! It will, however, teach him to be secure and independent, it will teach him that his mother will respond to his needs. Nursing at night is very important to stimulate a decent milk supply, and for baby's nutritional and comfort needs. Yes, comfort is a need! And your baby needs to nurse!

To answer the rest of your post... I was also made to cry myself to sleep, and I kept crying myself to sleep for years. I very clearly remember crying myself to sleep, nearly every single night. I would never make my children feel that way, no matter what their age.


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vicitoria*
What I read was if your child rocks themself to sleep or bangs their head to at least make it safe for them to do so. What makes you think co-sleeping is necessarily going to stop it? Maybe they will just bang against the other people in the bed all night instead.

I have never heard of a healthy, well-adjusted, attached child banging his/her head until (s)he fell asleep at night. The problem with this whole statement is that if you are there for your kids and don't abandon them, they will never pick up behaviors like that to begin with!!!! If you parent your child to sleep in the way that works best for them - and I do not believe this EVER, EVER involves CIO for ANY child under ANY circumstances - then you won't have to worry about padding their crib to prevent them from giving themselves a concussion as they console themselves to sleep. I understand this is what you've been told, but surely you can see what I'm trying to say here. No child who is rocked, nursed or in any other way parented to sleep is going to sit there banging his/her head on the crib rails. Those behaviors only start AFTER a child has been left to CIO. They are a direct result of stress and are coping mechanisms. They're considered unhealthy and abnormal! When monkeys are left alone with no mothers, they start these types of rocking or head banging behaviors. Monkeys with mothers don't do that. Same thing with kids. They're very bad signs.

Furthermore, I don't think co-sleeping has anything to do with not using CIO. There are plenty of people out there who choose not to co-sleep, yet still find the time to get their children to sleep without any traumatic CIO or head banging or whatever. And you may be a co-sleeper or someone who gets their kids to sleep without crying, I don't know. I'm just saying that no one is saying you have to co-sleep in order to avoid CIO....or head banging.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

A voice that does not agree that CIO is always harmless: (and article mentions Ferber)

Quote:

Many years ago, I had a neighbor who was a very intelligent, sensitive, and successful woman... When that pediatrician warned the mother against ever picking up her baby when she cried lest she "spoil" her, and when he warned her never to feed the baby except at four-hour intervals, she followed that mistaken advice to the letter. This mother had the best of intentions toward her daughter. She wanted to do the right thing, but the advice she was given was so wrong as to achieve the exact opposite results. The poor baby spent almost all of her time screaming and crying alone in a playpen. This was what the doctor had ordered.

Her daughter survived all right, and she grew up to be very beautiful, but she also grew up to be an emotionally unstable, distant, and insecure young lady whose troubled relationship with her mother was a source of pain for them both. Sadly, this scenario is all too typical in our country. So many of today's adults were raised by intelligent and well-meaning parents who were given very bad advice from professionals who themselves were operating from seriously mistaken medical textbooks and medical teaching. Thankfully, this sort of antichild teaching is being challenged and scientifically debunked.
http://www.nospank.net/fleiss.htm

Not sure if this one was posted on this thread yet or not:

Quote:

America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers....

The pair examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds -- even separate rooms -- and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood....

The Harvard researchers' work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.

"It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report," Figley said.
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html


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## my2girlsmama (Oct 21, 2004)

I haven't read everyone's responses....I'm sure most hate him for the sake of hating CIO....

With our oldest, now 5, we were young and ignorant about babies and sleep....no we didn't do the CIO thing while she was a small baby....when she was nearing a year old I had been sleep deprived for months. I heard about the dreaded Frber and his book, and debated...I wasn't good about letting my baby cry at all let alone at night to sleep.......but when you're a mess, your hubby works long hours and you can't drive safely due to lack of sleep being up nursing literally every hour, you struggle.

I bought the book when she hit 13 months....we read it...much of it went against my instinct so I picked and chose what I did find interesting. He did explain sleep patterns very well I found, and I went with that. The main thing was I hadn't allowed her to learn to resettle upon waking........I am still not good at that I fear even with babe #2 now who is nearing the same age I struglled then...BUT..we managed 2 nights of much more tapered down version of CIO (I went in every minute I think LOL and cried as much as she did but for longer!) and watched for signs of distress etc and she actually settled within that span...and I still nursed her etc but started to slow the rushing in and nursing to sleep thing...it worked.

Now looking back, as tempting as it is with this current baby, I won't. We now co sleep and I didn't do that for long with #1....and while I want my space now I realize they learn to settle and sleep when the growth spurts etc fade slowly and they master walking etc. I am just more patient and enjoying things more now...sleep or no sleep. We are planning transitioning to crib slowly and that is about it.

I still am a mama who rushes in when they wake. That's just me. LOL.


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