# Refrigerator Magnets



## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

OKay... I am not a neat freak by any means, I have a few things, though, that I keep clean - that would include my kitchen sink and refrigerator door.

I don't like mismatched magnets and bills, and menus handing on the fridge doors, and one day I went out, got a bunch of different size clear magnet frames, inserted photographs, and put them on the refrigerator door. Looks very clean, and my favorite photos with dear stepdaughter, and dp, and myself are up.







It's been like that for almost a year by now.

Now...
Today we picked up DSD (14 y.o.) and did some food shopping and purchased a shopping list magnet... I wanted to keep it on the side of the fridge, which is harder to see when you are in the kitchen, along with a couple of take out menus and cupons. When she pulled out the shopping list out of the bag, and asked me where I wanted it, after my reply she said she likes it on the freezer door, and put it up right in between the photos.

I don't think she was trying to be rebellious, she could have listen to my wishes, and chose not to, but at the same time she didn't have a rude tone. I feel weird about moving the shopping list away from the photos, because it would be like I'm saying her opinion doesn't matter, and too controlling, and just plain weird to make a big deal over the magnets.







:

Am I a total nutcase to let REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS bother me? I just can't stand looking at it in that place... I like photos aside from the messy stuff. And I certainly am not looking for an argument with DSD. Withing the short talk it was clear THAT's where she wanted the shopping list, and I am left feeling like I have an OCD about the door....









Soooooo..... How do I move the shopping list to where I want it without getting into confrontation with DSD, or should I just call Dr. Phil about my magnets thing?








:


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## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

Does she live with you? If not move it when she leaves... or if she lives with you give it a couple of days and then move it. If she asks you moved it while you were wiping down the door.

I do think you may be a bit OCD about this though.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

If she lives with you let it go for now. Yeah, you're making too big a deal out of magnets.

If she doesn't live with you move it when she leaves.

-Angela


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
If she lives with you let it go for now. Yeah, you're making too big a deal out of magnets.

If she doesn't live with you move it when she leaves.

-Angela

Yup, I agree. With teenagers, it's really best to pick your battles, and honestly, refrigerator magnets are the least of your worries.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

*tiptoeing into the Refrigerator Magnets therapy sessions...*


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## meisterfrau (Sep 24, 2005)

I sometimes find myself getting pretty wigged out over little things like this. I really just like for things that I have placed a certain way to stay that certain way, KWIM? Like, if I had WANTED that magnet there, I'd have put it there, so don't move it!

It's at those times that I really need an impartial third party to give me a good shake and tell me to get a grip. So allow me to do you that service in the nicest, most understanding way possible:

Get a grip! They're magnets!

It seems, from the tone of your post, that you can kind of see this too, and see the humor in the situation.


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## terrordactyl (Jul 19, 2006)

i'd call doctor phill


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## Alenushka (Jul 27, 2002)

I think you ahve OCD....things like that is why my first stepmom and I never had a good relationships. You do nto ahve to control everything. Let it go...it is jsut magnets


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

Our logic is not like theirs and sometimes we have to things gooooooooo........ so as not to get too crazy







:

That said, if you cant let it go and you think that this issue may affect how you deal with other issues with her then maybe you need to sort it out now and not let it hang over the rest of your life together. She may not mind where you put the shopping list magnet - ask her and see waht she says.


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## Nathan1097 (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alenushka* 
I think you ahve OCD....things like that is why my first stepmom and I never had a good relationships. You do nto ahve to control everything. Let it go...it is jsut magnets

My mother is like this. She follows me around trying to pre-empt my every action, at times! It is driving me to depression. I am in therapy to learn to deal with it. Easiest solution is to move when I get a job (hopefully soon). But a 14-year-old can't do that!


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## eirual (Mar 21, 2006)

What about writing on it while she's around- take it off the fridge to list a few items (carry it around with you for effect- or take it to a table, etc.) then 'absentmindedly' happen to place it on the fridge where you want it put.

If it means nothing to her she won't think twice about it, if she chooses that as something to argue over then you know her original intentions and can deal with that whole new situation.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Maybe her intentions are that she likes it there.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

I am not trying to be mean, but if this is your biggest problem with your stepdaughter, you have it made! My stepson was stealing from his grandmother, my daughter quit doing any schoolwork during her senior year, and my kids lost a classmate to drunk driving. I wish our biggest problems were the placement of refrigerator magnets.

I really think your stepdaughter is just saying she likes it there, and is making a choice about where to put things in her home.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

If you are like this about a lot of things, then I think the advice to try to let this go is good. But if you are only like this about a handful of things, then I think you should cling onto what is important to you, and be honest about it with your DSD. I would say something like, _"I have to confess that I'm a little bit neurotic about my fridge door. Its not personal, okay? I just need to have it a certain way. Will you humor me?"_
(Now, be prepared -- in my house, this would be well received initially, and then quickly become fodder to tease me mercilessly about. I would be constantly finding weird adjustments to the items on the fridge, in a covert effort to "drive mommy out of her mind." Dh and my kids find my idiocyncracies hillarious fun.)


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## Aliviclo (Jul 3, 2007)

I think the whole thing sounds very passive aggressive and control freaky. If it's really bothering you, why not just say "Hey, do you mind if I move this? It's kinda bugging me here, because it's detracting from our lovely pictures. What would you think about putting it over here instead?" That way you're acknowledging her feelings and allowing her to express her opinion, while not stifling your own. However, I do agree that you're getting far more bothered than you should be about this. I doubt it has as much to do with OCD as it does with the complicated balance of power, walking on tiptoe, not wanting to upset the apple cart nature of your relationship with your stepdaughter. If you're otherwise normal, you wouldn't be angsting over this with anyone else in the world.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:

If you're otherwise normal, you wouldn't be angsting over this with anyone else in the world.
I can easily see myself angsting over this issue.







I get worked up over stupid stuff internally all the time.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

lol, OCD and call Dr Phil..

Perhaps the magnet is becasue of bigger control issues?


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aliviclo* 
I doubt it has as much to do with OCD as it does with the complicated balance of power, walking on tiptoe, not wanting to upset the apple cart nature of your relationship with your stepdaughter. If you're otherwise normal, you wouldn't be angsting over this with anyone else in the world.

I try to be honest with my "issues" whatever they may be... And if I truly thought that it is an issue with the fact that she is a STEP daughter I would be posting in the blended family discussion.

I post in the teenage section, because I think she'd take me moving the magnet back personally whether or not she is my biological child. It's true that our relationship is a bit fragile, and I don't want to make an issue over magnets with her. We are doing pretty well at the moment, and I certainly don't want to turn into a control freak over here (hence, why the magnet is still where she put it last night... but I swear.. *it's staring at me*!







)

P.S. I'm trying to get used to the shopping list being out of place... I'm not sure though I could handle another magnet out of place... *_heart pounding... blood pressure rising_*

P.P.S. Pathetic... I know...


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

I think you need to talk to a doctor about this. Seriously. I'm not being a brat or making a joke. Your reaction seems very unhealthy.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

But I agree with ThreeBeans. It's a WAY over the top reaction for magnets.

When I saw the title the first time I wondered if someone was using those dirty poetry magnets







or the naked lady ones....

-Angela


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 

When I saw the title the first time I wondered if someone was using those dirty poetry magnets







or the naked lady ones....










: thanks for a good laugh...

P.S. my completely useless degree in psychology is paying off... I recognize it's not healthy and taking deep breaths... I even wrote on the shopping list today a couple of things to buy without moving it one bit


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## HeidiAnn67 (Jun 12, 2007)

Well, if it were at my house, I would have just moved it









I do have OCD and my family is use to my "quirks". I'm just honost with them and say "it has to be this way" and if they ask why, I say "it's a rule" and they get that it's one of my OCD things and they let it go.

As someone who does suffer from it, I think it would be a lot easier for you DSD to have it moved, then it is for you to suffer with it. You should be honost with her about how you feel.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeidiAnn67* 
Well, if it were at my house, I would have just moved it









I do have OCD and my family is use to my "quirks". I'm just honost with them and say "it has to be this way" and if they ask why, I say "it's a rule" and they get that it's one of my OCD things and they let it go.

As someone who does suffer from it, I think it would be a lot easier for you DSD to have it moved, then it is for you to suffer with it. You should be honost with her about how you feel.


Not to be rude or anything, but wouldn't it also be fair to suggest to someone who has OCD that perhaps they might want to look into treatment options instead of insisting that an entire family mold themselves around someone else's OCD needs? I agree that families in this case need to be more flexible than normal to help out the affected person, but the affected person can also help themselves and in turn help their family. Just my 2 cents.


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## Hera (Feb 4, 2002)

If you think it's going to bother you until you finally move it, then I suggest you move it now. Maybe in the process of straightening up, or something. Give everything on the fridge a sprucing up. Put a nice picture of DSD right in the space where it used to hang, so it's being replaced by her lovely face.

What I'm afraid of is that you might get all worked up about this thing, and end up snapping. I'm thinking it probably isn't that big of a deal to her. Since it's a big deal to you, move it.


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## Adele_Mommy (Jun 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wytchywoman* 
Not to be rude or anything, but wouldn't it also be fair to suggest to someone who has OCD that perhaps they might want to look into treatment options instead of insisting that an entire family mold themselves around someone else's OCD needs? I agree that families in this case need to be more flexible than normal to help out the affected person, but the affected person can also help themselves and in turn help their family. Just my 2 cents.

I hardly think moving one magnet is "insisting that an entire family mold themselves around someone else's OCD needs". All the posts seem to be debating whether or not it is an over-reaction to want the magnet on the side. Assuming that the dsd does not have OCD, then she probably couldn't care less where the magnet is and since OP obviously does care - why not put the magnet where she wants it?

Note on my perspective: I have OCD. I am very concious of the need to not rope my family into meeting my OCD needs. Sometimes it's bad and my loving and understanding family have to adapt but I try to minimize that as much as possible. My husband has OCP - this is an obsessive compulsive personality. It is not a disorder and bears only a superficial resemblance to OCD. OCP is what used to be described as "being anal". My husband likes the things in the kitchen arranged a certain way. And because it is "his" kitchen and he is the one who keeps it clean and does 99% of the work in it, it is arranged the way he wants it.

Based on this one thread, it does not sound to me like the OP has OCD. It does sound like she might be OCP.

OP: I would suggest you just move the magnet where you want it. I wouldn't make a big deal, but I wouldn't wait until DSD left either. Most likely, she won't even comment. If she does ask you can just say, "I like it better over there because I think the photos look better this way." or whatever. Is this maybe overreacting about magnets a little bit? Sure, but so what? I understand the people who say pick your battles, but why assume this will even be a battle? And why waste a lot of time thinking about this and feeling resentful or like you're going through an ordeal everytime you look at the magnet, when it is such an easy and painless problem to solve?

Sorry this long. I kind of get an automatic gut reaction when someone says that people with OCD need to work harder and "help themselves"


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## milkamama (May 14, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
If you are like this about a lot of things, then I think the advice to try to let this go is good. But if you are only like this about a handful of things, then I think you should cling onto what is important to you, and be honest about it with your DSD. I would say something like, _"I have to confess that I'm a little bit neurotic about my fridge door. Its not personal, okay? I just need to have it a certain way. Will you humor me?"_
(Now, be prepared -- in my house, this would be well received initially, and then quickly become fodder to tease me mercilessly about. I would be constantly finding weird adjustments to the items on the fridge, in a covert effort to "drive mommy out of her mind." Dh and my kids find my idiocyncracies hillarious fun.)

have to say i love the above quote. thanks mamaduck.
dsd is a human being who deserves respect and honesty. be straight with her, show her you are human and some things bother you...maybe you will open a door to some 'quirks' that she has...and an awesome discussion will follow. who knows??
peace


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Adele_Mommy* 
I hardly think moving one magnet is "insisting that an entire family mold themselves around someone else's OCD needs". All the posts seem to be debating whether or not it is an over-reaction to want the magnet on the side. Assuming that the dsd does not have OCD, then she probably couldn't care less where the magnet is and since OP obviously does care - why not put the magnet where she wants it?

Note on my perspective: I have OCD. I am very concious of the need to not rope my family into meeting my OCD needs. Sometimes it's bad and my loving and understanding family have to adapt but I try to minimize that as much as possible. My husband has OCP - this is an obsessive compulsive personality. It is not a disorder and bears only a superficial resemblance to OCD. OCP is what used to be described as "being anal". My husband likes the things in the kitchen arranged a certain way. And because it is "his" kitchen and he is the one who keeps it clean and does 99% of the work in it, it is arranged the way he wants it.

Based on this one thread, it does not sound to me like the OP has OCD. It does sound like she might be OCP.

OP: I would suggest you just move the magnet where you want it. I wouldn't make a big deal, but I wouldn't wait until DSD left either. Most likely, she won't even comment. If she does ask you can just say, "I like it better over there because I think the photos look better this way." or whatever. Is this maybe overreacting about magnets a little bit? Sure, but so what? I understand the people who say pick your battles, but why assume this will even be a battle? And why waste a lot of time thinking about this and feeling resentful or like you're going through an ordeal everytime you look at the magnet, when it is such an easy and painless problem to solve?

Sorry this long. I kind of get an automatic gut reaction when someone says that people with OCD need to work harder and "help themselves"

My response was to what I quoted, not to what the OP stated.
"I do have OCD and my family is use to my "quirks". I'm just honost with them and say "it has to be this way" and if they ask why, I say "it's a rule" and they get that it's one of my OCD things and they let it go. "
This is why I wrote what I did. To me it is not about refrigerator magnets, it is about taking responsibility for one's mental health. I have suffered long and hard from depression, so although I don't have OCD, I do know what it is like to not have perfect mental health all the time. I had to worker harder to function during my depressive spells. I am a single parent so if I didn' get my butt in gear and handle my depression then my kids would have suffered because there is no one else around to pick up the slack. Yes when you have a mental illness you do have to put more effort into having healthy relationships with those around you. It's not always fair but it is reality. I am just saying that if you have a problem, the most prudent thing to do is to look into ways that the problem can be addressed rather than saying "that's just the way it is and everyone has to deal with it".
In regards to the OP, I guess in the end it is her own home and her own life, but to make an issue out of refrigerator magnets for any reason at all seems to be borrowing trouble that isn't really needed. Once again, just my two cents.


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## Spirit Dancer (Dec 11, 2006)

LOL - not to make fun of you but this post made me laugh out loud















Well I guess we all have our own quirks. It is funny though.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Seriously?


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## munkeesmama (May 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
If you are like this about a lot of things, then I think the advice to try to let this go is good. But if you are only like this about a handful of things, then I think you should cling onto what is important to you, and be honest about it with your DSD. I would say something like, _"I have to confess that I'm a little bit neurotic about my fridge door. Its not personal, okay? I just need to have it a certain way. Will you humor me?"_
(Now, be prepared -- in my house, this would be well received initially, and then quickly become fodder to tease me mercilessly about. I would be constantly finding weird adjustments to the items on the fridge, in a covert effort to "drive mommy out of her mind." Dh and my kids find my idiocyncracies hillarious fun.)


I had to laugh, i'm pretty ocd about certain things, not alot of things, but certain things. My hubby likes to "torture me" by placing things where they shouldn't be. I have a thing about tags being tucked in shirts and the sleve being flipped up on shirt. If they're not how they're supposed to be it bothers me. I literally cringe when i see it in public and am ashamed to say that i have politely told strangers when their tag is out. LOL. My husband pulls his tag out and flips his sleeves on purpose at times. I'm weird. I know it.


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## munkeesmama (May 17, 2005)

I do feel as though it's an ocd issue, but i also believe that everybody has a tendancy to have certain ocd issues, yours happens to be magnets on a refrigerator. I'd move the magnet tell your you know i'm weird about certainn things, make it light hearted and heck let her make fun of you for it. LOL.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

I just wanted to let you guys know that I think I'm making peace with the whole "shopping list on the freezer door in the very middle of the photos" thing...

I might just move it a tiiiiiny bit to the side... a bit closer to the handle... a little later... maybe in a week?... but I'll keep it on the freezer door...









Is that a good compromise? or should I keep dialing that Dr. Phil number?


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

I don't have much to say without repeating PPs that it's not a big issue and that your dsd probably won't even notice if you move it, and that you should also try to let it go yourself. Which you are.

But I do want to add that I think you are being an incredibly sensitive step-mother to consider your dsd's feelings about the placement of a magnet. You may be doing it because it's more of a deal to you, but I think most parents would not think twice about their kids' feelings on magnet placement.

Have you thought about sharing with her some of the things you've said here? Just to let her know that it's an issue you have, make a few jokes, and tell her that you've really wanted to move it initially but that you have left it there to work on those feelings and to respect her, etc. If my family had had open discussion of such things and feelings, we would have been much closer.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wytchywoman* 
Not to be rude or anything, but wouldn't it also be fair to suggest to someone who has OCD that perhaps they might want to look into treatment options instead of insisting that an entire family mold themselves around someone else's OCD needs? I agree that families in this case need to be more flexible than normal to help out the affected person, but the affected person can also help themselves and in turn help their family. Just my 2 cents.

For most of us with OCD, it ends up being a little of both. My family bends to some of my quirks, and I use those wonderful therapy techniques to let go of the stuff that would be unfair to expect them to deal with. IMO, the magnets fall under the first category.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I don't think the OP has OCD. She said she feels like she has OCD about the door, which is what many people who are particular about certain things say. What she has written in this post doesn't sound like OCD to me. If she actually has OCD, that would be different.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
I don't think the OP has OCD. She said she feels like she has OCD about the door, which is what many people who are particular about certain things say. What she has written in this post doesn't sound like OCD to me. If she actually has OCD, that would be different.

That's actually a good point (although I think my post applies to those with OCD-like tendencies as well, LOL!)


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## mmace (Feb 12, 2002)

Here's my take on this situation, just by applying my own life. I'm a single mom. I have three kids of my own, and I watch my good friend's little boy a lot (she's a full time military single mom). My oldest daughter is almost 14, my son is 9, my friend's son is 8, and my little girl is 4. I have my kids 100% of the time, ex hasn't taken them anywhere since October 2005, and even then he only took the big two. He's never ever ever taken all three. My life can be chaotic. In fact, it's downright crazy at times. I never get a break. I never get those little half hour times when I can get away and be "off duty" for a little while. There are sooooo many things in my life that I can't control, so there are certain things that I want to be just so. For me, it is a control issue, not an ocd thing, but it makes me feel better, and my kids understand. I like things in the fridge put in certain places. I like all the labels facing out in the pantry. When I put stuff on the belt at the grocery store, I like to put all of the soup together, all of the cereal together, etc. Just little things. Nothing life changing, but things I like to do, and since I usually do them myself it's no problem. I like to put the laundry away - I was it, I dry it, I fold it, so I put it away so that I know it was put away properly, not just shoved into a drawer. Like I said, just stupid little things - I wouldn't freak out if those things weren't done, but I have been known to go back into the pantry later and fix things up if my daughter helps me put away groceries. Hmmmm - maybe I'm more ocd than I thought!

Of course, like I said, that's just me....


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## HeidiAnn67 (Jun 12, 2007)

Well, since it was to ME that you made the "getting help instead of making the family bend to your ways" comment. I will respond.

My therapist thinks I'm doing a fine job of learing to deal with my "compulsions". Unfortunatly there is no "magic pill" and new "quirks" pop up from time to time.

I don't see the problem with my family letting me have things "my way" on my "silly little quirks" (they're hardly earth shattering things for anyone in my family, except me). Until I can work through a paticular "compulsion" it would just be cruel for my family to force me into a panic attack because they make me do something the way they want (when it really doesn't matter to them at all) when they know how important it is to me (example: the light switches, the swith at the top of the stairs MUST be down for off and up for on. My family really doesn't care which way they are but they know it matters to me, so they do it). That's just a small example, but most of my "quirks" really only effect me and not my family too much, having to drive on only certain roads, pushing all the radio station buttons everytime I change the radio, will not drive on certain highways, must drive the car etc) My worst time was with a crazy touching pattern I had to do with the remote. The compulsion was overwhelming and I had to do it until it was done right. My boys were young, but they knew I HAD to do it and would patiently wait for me to "get it right". My family loves me and can be sympathetic to my "quirks", it would be down right cruel if they just said "too bad for you, get help we're not dealing with your issues". I'm glad I have the kind caring family I do.


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## rachelle-a-tron (Apr 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Adele_Mommy* 
I kind of get an automatic gut reaction when someone says that people with OCD need to work harder and "help themselves"

No kidding!!!! Having OCD is an illness, just like arthritis or heart disease, you can't just get over it & work harder. Do you tell your artritic granny to step it up... that shes holding up the line? Didn't think so! You take meds & you do what you can... I can't believe the lack of respect for mental illness in this thread especially on Mothering! WOW!

With that being said I have a refridgerator magnet issue too. There can be none on the front of the fridge part, we have some on the freezer section but they each have a specific place & I don't like them moved. I liken my neatness to the fact that I have chaos running rampant in my brain so when I look at my immediate controllable surroundings I like them to be orderly.

I think thats it's your fridge & your magnets move them where you want, she is a child & it's your house.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

It's the child's house too. The OP doesn't have OCD. If she did, it would be different to me.


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## rachelle-a-tron (Apr 13, 2002)

She has some kind of compulsive situation going on... it wouldn't upset her as much as it has if she didn't.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
It's the child's house too. The OP doesn't have OCD. If she did, it would be different to me.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

So anyway- I was picturing naughyt magnets or bad words.

My 2cents- if it is indeed a huge issue for you to have your pictures on the fridge exactly the way you want them- WHO CARES







Don't we all have pieces of our life and surroundings we like a certain way!?! I know I do. For me, it is my bathroom closet and where the toothpaste and toothbrush is located. My kids have learned not to move them and if they must to make sure the are replaced exactly where they were. They have their own shelf.

So in that same vein- if your dsd wants to put things on the fridge, can't she be assigned an area on it that is specifically hers? You should be able to have your space unmessed with. Just let her know you need those pictures that way and if she wants to put something on the fridge, to please do it in another spot.

For my kids and me, it is not a control issue. It is a matter of being respectful of another person's request. If we love each other and want to try to make each others' lives easier, I don't think it is asking too much to have personal items a certain way, even if they are in public space, especially when there are alternative locations for other's affects.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

If it's really bothering you just move it. I can't see a teenager really caring, I wouldn't. If she asks explain it to her like you did us. She should, by her teen years, be understanding of such a thing.


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## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

Just as someone who was recently a teen (me=20) your DSD doesn't care and prolly doesn't even remember putting the magnet there. You are blowing this WAY outta proportion and she would think this whole thread is HILARIOUS.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

You should show her the thread.







Ask her advice!


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## rachelle-a-tron (Apr 13, 2002)

Thats what I was thinking, she may get a kick outta the thread!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
You should show her the thread.







Ask her advice!


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## mlec (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oriole* 
*tiptoeing into the Refrigerator Magnets therapy sessions...*

















:


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## mlec (May 29, 2005)

FWIW I think you sound totally OCD about the magnets...and just like me!


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

1-800-DRPHIL

No, really - I'm glad you are leaving the magnet where dsd put it. All kids need some control, and to let her choose this was nice of you. I know you'd highly prefer to have the magnets the way you like them, but I'd try to let it go and save your "I'm having it my way" points for something like whether or not she can date a 23 year old.

I'm a little OCD about this and that myself. I always pull the door handle after I lock it with the remote. Always. I've been known to go back and check it after we walked away - if dp didn't do it himself when he has the keys and is in charge of locking.

But the other day my dd1 unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I'd asked her to unload it - but planned to load it myself as I like it a certain way (bottom rack - all big plates together in the back - facing center of dishwasher, all small plates together in the front - same side as big plates and of course facing center, bowls together in back facing center, kid bowls together in front facing center, all forks in one section facing up, all spoons in the next section facing up, all knives in next section facing DOWN!, potato peelers, etc in fourth section - facing down if they are pointy. Top rack - glasses go glass-plastic-glass-plastic so they don't clink together.

So I come home to the dishwasher not only unloaded but reloaded. I am a little afraid to open it - you should have seen the bowls all facing every which way! But you know what? I just put detergent in and pushed start!

I am more interested in supporting her helping out than I am having all the bowls line up. I am trying not to sweat the small stuff.

I do think the OP would get a little different responses if she were diagnosed OCD. OP? Is it something that negatively affects your life? Do you think that this might be your opportunity to work on it? I would tread carefully so you can continue to form a good relationship with your dsd.


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## Tishie (Aug 16, 2005)

I can't believe there are three pages on this.


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