# Sneaking/Hoarding/Hiding Food



## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

My seven-year-old son goes through these cycles where he sneaks/hoards/hides food in his room. I'm not sure what to do. I just caught my three-year-old sitting in the bedroom eating Ovaltine with a spoon.









We don't have tons of candy and stuff. We do have a "treat jar" and whenever they're given candy, it's put in there. He was sneaking food from it, so we moved it to our bedroom on the highest shelf. He still managed to sneak candy from it by climbing some boxes. He "confessed" after his baby brother found lollipops hidden in the desk in his room yesterday. We do let them pick a piece of candy from the treat jar after dinner if we have it and they ask.

We have tons of healthy food in the house, and he's welcome to it anytime. We've even asked him what healthy treats he wants and bought them for him. We're not sugar-free (as the Ovaltine attests) and have ice cream and other deserts a few times a week. It's not like we're denying him sugar.

He wakes up very early. We've given him some ground rules (a morning routine for tidying his room, no going downstairs til 7:30 unless a grown-up is down there, no computer or TV before 7:30) and he breaks them practically every single day. Early morning is when the food-sneaking happens. He also tries to sneak on the computer and surf the net without us. Oh, and he has an odd habit of watching infomercials.

Any advice would be welcome. I don't want to punish him, I want him to cooperate. I really don't feel that we're being unreasonable, but I'm so frustrated. Part of me is ready to say that we can't go trick-or-treating because I certainly don't want him binging on candy, and no matter where we put it, he gets to it.

This isn't the most coherent post I've ever written, and I apologize. I'm very flustered right now because the lollipop incident was just yesterday, and we talked about it and he apologized and I can't believe he did it again so soon.


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## KMK_Mama (Jan 29, 2006)

I'm sorry. I know how frustrating it can be. Maybe someone else will have something brilliant to say, but I just wanted to say I know. I know. I know.

BUT my kids are 4 and 3. When I help them clean their room, I find juice boxes...meant for my DD for her preschool snack, hidden under their dresser, pop tart wrappers shoved in drawers, and the other day I bought a big box of those Horizon chocolate milks and when I went to get one a few days later, they were GONE. I haven't found them yet, but I haven't looked either.
They do these things when I am nursing the baby or trying to get him down for a nap...the only times of the day that I am not right there. I'm getting ready to put locks on all the cupbards..even the pantry.









I don't know all about GD since I am pretty new to this, but we are practicing Love & Logic for the most part and if I was you, I would take away the candy and he can get a piece when he earns it.


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## zeldamomma (Jan 5, 2006)

Hmm... I'm not sure. I'm guessing that some people will advise that you remove the limits on candy, but I believe sugar can be addictive, and so I won't recommend that.

If it were me, I think I would sit him down and explain to him why it is that I didn't want him eating too much candy, and then without any anger, explain to him that I would like to keep candy around the house so we can have a little from time to time, but if he can't control himself and respect the rules, I can't keep candy in the house. I might give him the option of having his daily piece of candy at another time. Then I would follow through, if necessary.

I would also see what I could do to prevent him from breaking the rules for the morning-- along with giving him some reasonably attractive alternatives.

My oldest is quite a bit younger than yours, so you may already have tried this stuff, but I wish you luck!

ZM


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Thanks! I read the Love and Logic book, but really didn't find it to be all that compatable with how we want to discipline. Also, I'd like to avoid using food as reward/punishment.

We've talked about candy before and I thought he got it, but I guess not.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)




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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

I haven't had a similar problem (and don't limit food/tv/computer) but would it help if he had approved snacks in his room for when he wakes up early? What about having one of those hand held game systems so he can do something like computer games w/o surfing the net unsupervised?


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## HelloKitty (Apr 1, 2004)

I have been struggling with this same issue for YEARS with my 12 year old. I don't understand it because if he's hungry he can have a snack.. I never turn down food requests although I do ask that he not eat in his room because he forgets stuff in there and it will attract bugs.

I hope someone has a solution that works.


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## Pandora114 (Apr 21, 2005)

This is what my mom did when I woke up before her:

She poured a bowl of cereal the night before, left it on the counter

Poured a glass of milk and a glass of juice and left it in the fridge at the right height for me to get, milk for my cereal, juice for me to drink

She left my vitamin suppliment (flintstones rah!) next to the bowl of cereal.

She PRE SET the television to an age appropriate channel.

Voila...breakfast for me no starvation so I didn't have to hoard food, and I wasn't bored either.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom* 
I haven't had a similar problem (and don't limit food/tv/computer) but would it help if he had approved snacks in his room for when he wakes up early? What about having one of those hand held game systems so he can do something like computer games w/o surfing the net unsupervised?

I like the morning snack in his room idea.







I could live with that.

The computer game? I don't know. We used to be TV-free and computer-free. When we put him in school, it was a compromise to have a half-hour of TV and a half-hour of computer each day. But it becomes more and more and more, KWIM? I don't know that I want to add something else into the mix, like a hand-held game. I'll think about it though.

*hugs* Kitty. This mama stuff is hard, isn't it?


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

My SIL apparently hoarded food. DH claims it was because their parents were total food freaks and NO treats of any kind were allowed. She would ride her bike to the gas station and hide candy bars under her bed. Then she started gaining weight and was told to stop eating so much, I guess MIL was scared of her becoming "fat". Bottom line is that she almost wound up with an eating disorder because of the strict rules. I definitely don't think that this is the situation with you, Annette, but I would tread lightly and make sure there isnt something else going on first. Ask him why he's hiding food, or why he feels a need to hide food and see what he tells you. His answer will hopefully help you find the appropriate remedy for the situation.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I guess I choose not to see it as "sneaking" food. Personally it doesn't sit right with me to approach food in such a way that "sneaking" is possible inside of one's own home. I grew up viewing snacks and treats as something to sneak/hoard unless it was snacktime. Considering that many overeaters do so in private (meaning, in the privacy of their own homes), I think it's especially important for ds to have no concept of needing to hide/sneak/hoard anything related to food inside his own house. In public most people are intrinsically more aware of their food consumption. So, to me, it's especially important that ds' attitude towards the food in his house is as healthy as possible.

As far as why your son sneaks food~I really think this is his way of saying the rules are not working for him. Eating is a biological necessity, and sugar is addictive, for some people more than others. Punishment is a very poor control over "food sneaking". It doesn't address the craving for the food, or the impulse to eat it.

I agree that sugar is addictive, so I won't tell you to give him unlimited amounts.

What works for us is to have nothing in the home that needs limits. If it's in here, ds can have it. It's surprising to me how effective this has been. If ds gets a treat, I don't limit it. But in general we only buy small amounts, even if it's not as cost effective. Instead of buying a 2L bottle of soda, he buys a single can. Instead of buying a whole bag of snack sized M$M's, he can get one regular little baggie at the check out. These are things that rarely last more than one day.

I have discovered that without any hard and fast rules, ds is much more attentive and cooperative to my suggestions. He knows that ultimately, he could have candy for breakfast. Without any help or advice, I even think he would. Instead, I am there offering him scrambled eggs and waffles. If he is reaching for a very poor choice, I remind him of what makes it a poor choice. "That has sugar, and you haven't eaten anything today. Sugar on an empty stomach doesn't feel good, remember? You get cranky and tired". That's almost always enough for him to say "okay, I"ll have it later" and eat a good breakfast first. I go as far as saying "If you make a poor choice, and feel sick and irritable, there's a good chance our plans to do X will be effected". I'm not above putting a fine point on my concerns. But ultimately, it is up to him, and he does very well. To my knowledge he has never hoarded food or been sneaky about it.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Thanks, Heartmama! I don't want to punish or be punitive, and to tell you the truth, "sneaking" doesn't sit well with me as the right term either. I'm going to sit down and talk with him tonight.

The past few months have been really, really hard. I haven't been cooking, he's been buying school lunch instead of me packing him a healthy lunch, I've been exhausted, and there has been more junky food than usual. Morning sickness has really knocked me on my butt. On the other hand, this was an issue beforehand as well.

I guess I just don't get him. We feed him. We allow treats. We don't use food as reward or punishment. I don't get why he's doing this. It makes me sad that he feels like he needs to "sneak" and hide food.


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## Eaglevoice (Nov 30, 2004)

Perhaps he's using the food as comfort. My Step-daughter would hoard food in her room and wake up in the middle of the night to grab the jar of peanut butter and a spoon. It's really sad. We eliminated junk food from our house and we even found out that she was going to school telling the lunch lady that she forgot her lunch so she could eat the fried food at school, even though we made her a delicious lunch each and every day. One day we got a call from the lunch lady saying that we owed $35 for lunches...

I think she was using food as a comfort because she felt a huge rejection from her real mom, who had literally dumped her on us one day and practically dissappeared for a year before we finally heard from her again...

Maybe it's some sort of cry for attention. Or there could be something going on in his life at school, perhaps, that is getting him down. Maybe he's just really addicted to sugar...

I wish I could be more help, mama, it's a tough one.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

Thanks, Heartmama! I don't want to punish or be punitive, and to tell you the truth, "sneaking" doesn't sit well with me as the right term either. I'm going to sit down and talk with him tonight.

The past few months have been really, really hard. I haven't been cooking, he's been buying school lunch instead of me packing him a healthy lunch, I've been exhausted, and there has been more junky food than usual. Morning sickness has really knocked me on my butt. On the other hand, this was an issue beforehand as well.

I guess I just don't get him. We feed him. We allow treats. We don't use food as reward or punishment. I don't get why he's doing this. It makes me sad that he feels like he needs to "sneak" and hide food.
Well, if you are feeling stressed, you can bet he's feeling some of that too. But, really, I don't think it's about you, so please don't take it that way (that he is sneaking). Maybe your stress and the expectations were a problem, but it's not at all a "Oh no I failed him" moment. He's on his own journey too.

Ya know, sugar tastes real good. You didn't invent that, kwim? If I keep junk in the house ds will eat it. Guess what? I will be right beside him 'helping'








I can ignore some things, like candy. I cannot ignore baked goods. I am hopeless. If you give me a fresh apple pie, it will be gone in 48 hours. And nobody else in this house likes pie







I'm not overweight. Neither is ds. But having fresh alternatives and healthy choices doesn't change the fact that for many people, sugar is just...different. It has a different effect. So, it's not surprising to me that your son singles it out.

Also, it may just be that he doesn't see the sense in causing a scene or disappointing you by openly challenging your expectations. The old "what she doesn't know can't hurt her". There may be a bit of that in his sneakiness. It's not like you are going to spank him for sneaking food. So I'd be inclined to think he's simply afraid to disappoint you, and doesn't know how to begin that conversation? Just a thought.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
The computer game? I don't know. We used to be TV-free and computer-free. When we put him in school, it was a compromise to have a half-hour of TV and a half-hour of computer each day. But it becomes more and more and more, KWIM? I don't know that I want to add something else into the mix, like a hand-held game. I'll think about it though.

I was trying to think of something that would have the same appeal but not be a problem because it wouldn't involve going downstairs alone or watching tv/surfing the net unsupervised. Maybe stories on tape or something would be engaging. You could check them out from the library to keep a rotating supply on hand. Maybe you could even slip them into his room with the snack after he goes to sleep.


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