# I know it's a lie...but I need my time too!



## Gwendolyn's babies (Nov 22, 2007)

Ok my 3 yr old and 2 yr old were not going to sleep. Getting up mulitple of times. Driving each other crazy asking for repeated stories, drinks...you know. I told them that if they didn't stop the policeman would come and get upset because mommy isn't supposed to be working she is supposed to be resting.

So....I rang the doorbell and had a very loud conversation with a "real policeman". "Yes Officer, they will stay in bed. Yes I am resting now. Thank you they will be good boys."

So, I come back down the hall and my 3 yr old whispers, "mom, was that the policman?"

"yes, but's it's ok, I told him you would be good now."
"what would he do if I wasn't.
"Give us tickets, that we would have to pay alot of money for."

It's been quiet for the last 10 minutes. I don't know....it seems to work.


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## baltic_ballet (May 17, 2007)

: Brilliant idea


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## tpott4 (Nov 8, 2007)

Boy I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to do that.


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## dallaschildren (Jun 14, 2003)

I absolutely 100% disagree with this tactic. You are teaching them among other things, fear and mistrust on multiple levels. I can understand the need for personal time, but this isn't the way to get it. It will likely backfire.


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## twindaze (Aug 13, 2002)

Next time call Santa, or maybe the Easter Bunny would be better, the tooth fairy might work too. But what would I know, I'd never stoop to such tactics.


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

LOL!!! I wish that would work for my ds. I've been trying to convince him we can't have "nur-nur" until the sun wakes up. Of course this will only get earlier as the seasons change.


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## cjanelles (Oct 22, 2005)

I get it. I *totally* get it...

I just wanted to agree with the previous poster who suggested getting Santa or the Easter Bunny next time. You want your kids to grow up to view police officers as their friends and as trusted adults (I mean, what if they ever got lost?) and not as punitive, big, scary grown ups who can punish Mom if they do something wrong.

I totally understand that you needed some peace and quiet (believe me, I do)...but I think cops have a bad enough rap these days that the last thing anyone needs is innocent parents scaring their kids into submission by using the cops as the enforcers.


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## ErinBird (Dec 5, 2005)

I am really sorry that you had a rough night with your boys:/


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## lilylove (Apr 10, 2003)

Moved to Gentle Discipline.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Way, back before I was a parent.....

A much older friend who had teenage DS and school age DD heard me telling my cat "There isn't any more ice cream, Pippin!"

"Hey! No lying to animals!" he told me.

"What? They're animals! He can't eat ice cream, he projectile vomits all over!"

"No lying to animals or children! It's my rule." And he had some kind of reason which wasn't really a GD reason but fit with his personal philosophy, and somehow, even though it was a joke at first, we adopted this. "I"m sorry, Pippin, ice cream will make you barf." I would say.

Anyway, now that I have kids, I really, really appreciate both the semi-joking advice and the practice I got on the cats before the kids were born. Because I might stink at a lot of this parenting stuff and have any number of bad days - but when the chips are down, my kids know I will not lie to them. so I can say "Honey, the doctor has to put in another stitch to stop it bleeding, and it is going to hurt, but then it will be over." and DS will trust me. He might not listen during normal times all that well every single day - but in an emergency situation the kids both have shown that they know that I mean what I say and won't betray that.

I know that sounds all serious as a response to pretending there's a police officer at the door - but they won't be toddlers forever...


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

Police should be safe people that your kids should feel safe and comfortable being able to talk to.

I guess I completely disagree with what you did.


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## mackysmama (Jan 11, 2005)

Mama, I'm sorry you are having a tough time with bedtime. It is a big struggle in our house too. And I TOTALLY get needing your own time - that is a big one for me.

I try very hard not to lie to my children and to not use fear based parenting. I am very honest with them about needing to get my needs met so that I am able to be the parent that I want to be. We talk about my "mama cup" and how I need a full mama cup in order to be the best mama I can be and that my mama cup gets used up by being a mama and I refill it by having time to myself. They seem to get this (well, the 5 yo definately, the 2 yo not so much but is starting to understand). At bedtime, I might say something like "I need you to go to sleep now so that I can have some time to fill my mama cup so we can have a great day at the zoo tomorrow." I try not to say it as a threat - "if you don't go to sleep, we won't have a good day tomorrow!!".

I hope that helps. I will say that it doesn't always work but it probably works just as well as lying to them but this way, I'm not lying to them.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dallaschildren* 
I absolutely 100% disagree with this tactic. You are teaching them among other things, fear and mistrust on multiple levels. I can understand the need for personal time, but this isn't the way to get it. It will likely backfire.









:

I find the whole idea of making police the "bad guys" to be disturbing. Dd has recently picked this idea up from somewhere (some other child I'm sure) and it's something we're working hard to combat.

-Angela


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## Shonahsmom (Mar 23, 2004)

Your kiddos are going to figure out in a few short years that policemen do not take little kids away for being, well, little kids. And your credibility with them will go out the window.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

: (to Mackysmama post)

I used to think it was no big deal to do a little lie every now and then until one time I got caught at Wendy's. My kids had been having way too much sprite (we were on vacation) and I wanted to cut it down. So we were at Wendy's and my DS asked for Sprite and I told him they didn't have any. He immediately called me on it and was very angry that I had lied to him. He told me I should have just told him the reason I didn't want him to have it.

I want my kids to know that they can believe anything I say and that I will always be honest with them. I now fully believe that even lies that seem insignificant to us can cause them to not trust us. Plus, I wouldn't want my kids to be afraid of the police and think that they are bad people.

When I need time to myself and the kids won't settle down, I do get frustrated and I tell them "I am getting frustrated because there are some things that I need to get done tonight. I really need you to go to bed." Usually, that works. If it doesn't then we each talk about our needs and try to reach a compromise. For example, we might compromise that I will read one more book.


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## rumi (Mar 29, 2004)

it may seem that people are being hard on you when they should be sympathisnig or at least laughing with you but i too hav learned that it is better to be honest every single time with the kiddos. Trust of the child is sacred.
Only once I lied. It was about putting vicks - i put it on dd even after i said i wouldn't and knew while i said it that i woudl do it anyway - after kiddo went to sleep. i really felt i had to do it. i am nto even sure now how i could have done it differently at that time. but i have made sure to avoid that lie ever after, and told no other. and dd completely trusts me.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Mary Poppins did just the same thing ("Now be quiet or I shall have to summon a policeman"). And look what happened to her! She blew away over the rooftops. Do you want that to happen to you???


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## angieluvsramon (Nov 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shonahsmom* 
Your kiddos are going to figure out in a few short years that policemen do not take little kids away for being, well, little kids. And your credibility with them will go out the window.


Where did she say in her post that the policeman would take them away??? You guys are being waaay too dramatic about what she did.

I thought it was cute mama! Dont worry about the flames people are throwing! Some people just need to relax!


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dallaschildren* 
I absolutely 100% disagree with this tactic. You are teaching them among other things, fear and mistrust on multiple levels. I can understand the need for personal time, but this isn't the way to get it. It will likely backfire.









:


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
Mary Poppins did just the same thing ("Now be quiet or I shall have to summon a policeman"). And look what happened to her! She blew away over the rooftops. Do you want that to happen to you???











Yeah, I gotta say I'm one of the obsessively honest ones.
And I work to *keep* my ds from getting scared.

eta- I definitely understand needing your time, though. Good luck.


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## ruhbehka (Nov 5, 2006)

Ok, obviously not a stellar parenting moment...

...but it did make me smile.








:


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## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

I thought it was pretty funny. She must have been having a really rough night to go to that extent. I dont think it will damage her kids even one little bit. I wouldnt make a habit of it... but, really... if the kids were being REALLY bad, like truant to school or burning the house down, the police would actually take them away. SO, I think its ok to know that the police expect you to be good and maybe exaggerating (sp) it isnt so bad. It would also be good if you re-enforced the idea that police are also there to help you if you need it.


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## Dov'sMom (Jan 24, 2007)

All she said was that the policeman would give them tickets that would cost a lot of money...not that they'd be taken away or hurt or anything.

That said, I do believe in strict honesty with children. I have to say I was guilty of frequent bedtime lies when I was a preteen responsible for putting my youngest siblings to bed. My sister would, after a story and lots of kisses, and being tucked in, mostly stay in bed (though she'd talk with her brother)(twins) but my brother would keep coming back for me to give him more kisses, more hugs, more stories -- just to stay around. It drove me crazy, and I used to talk about the evil monsters who would come get little children who strayed from their bedrooms after 10 pm or whatever time. Well, my brother is in his late teens, and he _still_ has an irrational fear of the dark and of being awake alone at night. He can't go to sleep unless there's someone else awake in the house. Is this because of my terror tales? I don't know, but I'm always going to feel guilty.


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## babygrace (Aug 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NotTheOnlyOne* 
I thought it was pretty funny. She must have been having a really rough night to go to that extent. I dont think it will damage her kids even one little bit. I wouldnt make a habit of it... but, really... if the kids were being REALLY bad, like truant to school or burning the house down, the police would actually take them away. SO, I think its ok to know that the police expect you to be good and maybe exaggerating (sp) it isnt so bad. It would also be good if you re-enforced the idea that police are also there to help you if you need it.

absolutely agree. when we kids figured out the adults were just pretending, it didn't make us angry about the fact...we just rolled our eyes and huffily announced we were all grown up now!


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## JoyNChrist (Oct 24, 2006)

My mother is a police officer, and I cannot tell you how many times we've been out in public (when she was in her uniform) and had parents come up to her and ask her to explain to their child/ren that the police expected them to behave their parents. My mom always complied - she never told the child that the police would arrest them or take them away, simply said that she expected children to obey their parents and that it made her sad to see kids acting up. It always seemed to work. She didn't use fear or intimidation, but I guess something about an "authority figure" (a uniformed officer) telling them to behave really seemed to make the kids straighten up.

Did the OP do the "right" thing? I'm not sure, but I doubt it will cause any problems. We're all just doing the best we can, ya know?


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygrace* 
absolutely agree. when we kids figured out the adults were just pretending, it didn't make us angry about the fact...we just rolled our eyes and huffily announced we were all grown up now!

I guess you can speak for yourself.

But when I discovered that my parents had lied to me about the Easter Bunny - I then had to retest everything else they'd told me. I still have the scar from touching the glass fireplace door. I couldn't see that it was hot - and I couldn't believe them anymore. It took quite a while, and alot of coming clean and care on their part, for me to trust them again.

I know that my aunt once lied to me. She told me not to drink from a pop can because little boys in India had peed on them... I knew she was full of cr&p. I was 10 or so at the time - and I still don't really believe anything she says. If she could tell me something that ridiculous - why would she have any credibility??? And that was how she raised her DD. I don't think it's very surprising the her DD got into drug and alcohol and smokes.


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## happyhippiemama (Apr 1, 2004)

Ha, I have the opposite problem here. DP has a healthy DISrespect of the cops, so I'm constantly trying to convince him that teaching DD to oink at police cars driving by is NOT a good thing.


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## cuddleluvinma (Jun 6, 2006)

I'm sorry you had a bad night.







I understand wanting to try anything to get them to bed. But, I agree with others who have posted about honesty being so very important in the parent/child relationship. It was a bad night. You can start over. We all make mistakes. Every day is a new beginning. Good luck to you in finding a better way.

BellinghamCrunchie- that was hilarious!







:


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## babygrace (Aug 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kessed* 
I guess you can speak for yourself.

But when I discovered that my parents had lied to me about the Easter Bunny - I then had to retest everything else they'd told me. I still have the scar from touching the glass fireplace door. I couldn't see that it was hot - and I couldn't believe them anymore. It took quite a while, and alot of coming clean and care on their part, for me to trust them again.

I know that my aunt once lied to me. She told me not to drink from a pop can because little boys in India had peed on them... I knew she was full of cr&p. I was 10 or so at the time - and I still don't really believe anything she says. If she could tell me something that ridiculous - why would she have any credibility??? And that was how she raised her DD. I don't think it's very surprising the her DD got into drug and alcohol and smokes.

each of us can only speak for ourselves. so, i apply the same statement to you. pop cans in india is a bit rich though! also, please note i agree with the poster i quoted about NOT making this a habit.

parenting is a composite experience, each child knows the dynamics of their home so we cannot respond to any one example and derive our conclusions from it.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Hey, at least you didn't pretend to call Santa Claus and tell him that the kids didn't deserve any presents (that's what my sister did when she was babysitting!)

As a short term "I'm going nuts" strategy, I understand it, but wouldn't do it.

Is it worse than my yelling at my kids though? Because that's what I do when I'm going nuts. My gut tells me yes, because my yelling is honest emotion.


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygrace* 
each of us can only speak for ourselves. so, i apply the same statement to you. pop cans in india is a bit rich though! also, please note i agree with the poster i quoted about NOT making this a habit.

parenting is a composite experience, each child knows the dynamics of their home so we cannot respond to any one example and derive our conclusions from it.

I just can't get behind so obviously lying to a child. What if one of her girls had run down the hall and seen that there wasn't a police man there?

I just don't understand using threats like that. And I think that police are people you want kids to see as safe - not a punishment. They can be a punishment when the kid is 16 and driving. But for little kids?

Why not threaten the kid with a serial killer or something. That makes more sense.


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## babygrace (Aug 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kessed* 
I just can't get behind so obviously lying to a child. What if one of her girls had run down the hall and seen that there wasn't a police man there?

I just don't understand using threats like that. And I think that police are people you want kids to see as safe - not a punishment. They can be a punishment when the kid is 16 and driving. But for little kids?

Why not threaten the kid with a serial killer or something. That makes more sense.

someone upthread correctly identified the authority figure concept at work in the OP's post. so, by that token, the last idea really is not acceptable, i agree.

i've quoted the poster with whom i agreed. the sentences in bold offer clarity about the points i've already made in my previous post. other than that, i should hope this does not turn into a debate and will leave it at that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NotTheOnlyOne* 
I thought it was pretty funny. She must have been having a really rough night to go to that extent. I dont think it will damage her kids even one little bit. *I wouldnt make a habit of it*... but, really... if the kids were being REALLY bad, like truant to school or burning the house down, the police would actually take them away. SO, I think its ok to know that the police expect you to be good and maybe exaggerating (sp) it isnt so bad. *It would also be good if you re-enforced the idea that police are also there to help you if you need it.*


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## Attila the Honey (Mar 15, 2003)

OP> I am sorry things are rough at bedtime, I know how that is. It'll make a person try anything!

No flames from me, I get it. I don't happen to think it was that terrible, not the best, but not worthy of flame throwing. How about some gentle MDC-ing and some alternatives for the OP if you really dislike what was done?

It's too over the top - I try to do my best with dd but I am far from perfect and I blow it - I pray she isn't the type to feel wounded and betrayed as an older child/adult over some small incident when Mama just desperately needed her to go to bed already.

I just don't get that and on a related note, when i found out about Santa/Easter Bunny I thought, "Omg, my MOM did all that? Awesome!" Seriously, I was grateful that she did that stuff to make it special for me and I still am. I want to respectful suggest there is more to it than just merely being "lied to". Some people are more less sensitive/have more gratitude/ are less likely to find the negatives in things? Maybe something over all in the parent/child relationship was not good? I don't know? Not trying to insult, but it just isn't something I can relate to at all.

Oh, and OP... right now, for reasons I can't explain, my dd has a massive fear of the police thing going on. We've never said anything against the police to her, or told her she'd get in trouble with the police if she didn't behave. Nothing like that. It's really making life hard, she has nightmares about policemen coming in and taking away all her toys!?







For that reason alone I would caution you not to try that again, but glad to hear it worked and you got some rest that one night.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I'm sorry you had a rough night. It's important to me that as my children separate into sleep that they feel secure. I would not try to scare them to sleep or tell anyone, real or imagined, that now my children were being "good" because they were intimidated.

One has a terrible time falling asleep.

May I recommend "Sleepless in America?" An excellent read.


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

May I recommend "Sleepless in America?" An excellent read.










Awesome, awesome resource. I highly recommend checking it out


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## Gwendolyn's babies (Nov 22, 2007)

Really, I feel so bad. I am sorry I did this.My husband didn't agree when he heard what I did either. I plead guilty on all counts. When I posted what i did I was already tired and needed to veg a bit.

If it's any consolation. They know policemen are good men (hopefully all of them are!) When we see a policeman we go and talk to them and we have friends that are policemen. I told my 3 yr old that it really didn't happen yesterday and that mommy lied, that I was just tired.

My children don't usually have bad betimes. Usually my husband stays in their room and tell them stories as they look at their glow n' the dark star stickers. Yesterday he had to run an errand.

I had done their whole bedtime routine and sat in there telling stories and singing lullabys and recapping the day. I told them I needed rest. When that didn't work I used the policeman. I never said he would come and get me or arrest them. I said he would have to give out tickets. It shouldn't of been done. But it's done and I am sorry.

I would not use Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. To me that would be a lie. We celebrate St. Nicholaus Feast day on Dec 6th. I don't even say there is an Easter Bunny. To me it's a religious holiday.

So thank you all for your recommendations and your empathy. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are tired (and sometimes not so tired) and need friends to "wake us up".


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

Gwendolyn's babies:

Have you thought about telling your kids that? I mean - at some point they are going to know that policemen won't give you a ticket if they aren't in bed. It might be a cool learning experience if you show them that people can do not the best thing and come clean.

I also want to say that it takes alot of courage to post what you did. You should be proud of yourself.


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happyhippiemama* 
Ha, I have the opposite problem here. DP has a healthy DISrespect of the cops, so I'm constantly trying to convince him that teaching DD to oink at police cars driving by is NOT a good thing.









This almost made me choke on my tea. Honestly, I have no desire to teach my kids that police are benevolent beings. There are good and bad ones just like any other group of people. I'll teach them that if they're lost or in trouble, a police officer is probably their best bet but also to make sure they trust their instinct about individuals.

That's kind of OT though. While I wouldn't do what the OP did, I doubt it'll be the end of the world either. I like to think that most people wouldn't distrust everything a person ever says again after one white lie. By the time they're old enough to think back on this event (if they ever do) and realize that there are no tickets for getting out of bed repeatedly, they'll be old enough to understand being super-tired and just needing some sleep, most likely.


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## Muminmamman (Jul 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kessed* 
Gwendolyn's babies
I also want to say that it takes alot of courage to post what you did. You should be proud of yourself.









:


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## cjanelles (Oct 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gwendolyn's babies* 

So thank you all for your recommendations and your empathy. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are tired (and sometimes not so tired) and need friends to "wake us up".









I know I have done many a stupid thing out of desperation or simple exhaustion, so like I said in my first response, I *totally* get it...

And I admire the grace with which you have received the suggestions and opinions in this thread.


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## mackysmama (Jan 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cjanelles* 
And I admire the grace with which you have received the suggestions and opinions in this thread.









:


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

You know.. I wish the police officer could be the "good guy" but unfortunately at my house he's not. He's the guy that comes and pounds on the door when the downstairs neighbors want to be an ass and say my kids are making too much noise. So ya.. if you tell my 4 year old to be more quiet she says, "Or the policeman will come and put me in jail?" and sadly its the truth. Thats what he says when he comes.

Can't exactly foster trust with that..


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

So thank you all for your recommendations and your empathy. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are tired (and sometimes not so tired) and need friends to "wake us up"










There isn't a mother here who hasn't done something she regrets. I, too, admire your ability to listen and hear the commentary. IMO, most everyone here posts from a place of care and concern. We've all either been there or _will_ be there some day. I'd like to think your sharing of your experience will help others who find themselves in that frustrated place perhaps take a different path. Being prepared and having the right tools is so important. I truly believe we're all just doing the best we can in the situations in which we find ourselves. And let's be honest, it's not always easy. Take good care, mama


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## janasmama (Feb 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twindaze* 
Next time call Santa, or maybe the Easter Bunny would be better, the tooth fairy might work too. But what would I know, I'd never stoop to such tactics.









Using the word "stoop" implies superiority or in the case of this mother inferiority. It is rude and I think this post should be removed.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dallaschildren* 
I absolutely 100% disagree with this tactic. You are teaching them among other things, fear and mistrust on multiple levels. I can understand the need for personal time, but this isn't the way to get it. It will likely backfire.

Sometimes I don't see what's wrong with a little bit of fear. I mean sometimes I want to do certain things like not pay taxes but I fear the IRS would put a lien on my bank account and house.

People by nature are not good, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of fear. But I do agree that we shouldn't lie.

Maybe next time you can lay down with them in bed and hold them with the lights off for about 5 minutes, that works for mine, usually.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iluvmyfamily* 

People by nature are not good, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of fear. But I do agree that we shouldn't lie.

I really disagree that people, by nature, are not good.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

People by nature are all kinds of things (in my philosophy), most especially including good. The basis of most gentle discipline philosophies is that children are inherently good, or at least inherently have the capacity to be good, as opposed to having badness that needs to be punished out of them. Or tricked, or what-have-you.


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## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

Mama, I know how you feel, I really do...But, let me tell you, my parents did the SAME thing to me when I was a kid. They did it more than once--actually, that was one of their main "parenting tools" apparently









It is dishonest and manipulative and uses threats and intimidation.

I am over 30 years old now and, I will be honest, I STILL hold some resentment against my parents for doing this.

Please, please, please do not do this anymore. If you continue, your kids WILL remember and, in all likelihood, WILL hold it against you


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## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia* 









There isn't a mother here who hasn't done something she regrets. I, too, admire your ability to listen and hear the commentary. IMO, most everyone here posts from a place of care and concern. We've all either been there or _will_ be there some day. I'd like to think your sharing of your experience will help others who find themselves in that frustrated place perhaps take a different path. Being prepared and having the right tools is so important. I truly believe we're all just doing the best we can in the situations in which we find ourselves. And let's be honest, it's not always easy. Take good care, mama

















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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 
People by nature are all kinds of things (in my philosophy), most especially including good. The basis of most gentle discipline philosophies is that children are inherently good, *or at least inherently have the capacity to be good*, as opposed to having badness that needs to be punished out of them. Or tricked, or what-have-you.

Thank you for this. While I do not believe that children are inherently good -- or inherently bad -- the bolded above, I do believe. I have a problem with the assumption that a child left without guidance as to what *is* good will somehow innately *be* good (or *do* good, more accurately), but this - that they all, given the right environment, have the *capacity* .. that I can get behind


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gwendolyn's babies* 
So thank you all for your recommendations and your empathy. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are tired (and sometimes not so tired) and need friends to "wake us up".









Guilty here!!









It's very cool that you apologized to your kids, and I agree with the pp who applauded your reaction to this thread.


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## jul511riv (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
Way, back before I was a parent.....

A much older friend who had teenage DS and school age DD heard me telling my cat "There isn't any more ice cream, Pippin!"

"Hey! No lying to animals!" he told me.

"What? They're animals! He can't eat ice cream, he projectile vomits all over!"

"No lying to animals or children! It's my rule." And he had some kind of reason which wasn't really a GD reason but fit with his personal philosophy, and somehow, even though it was a joke at first, we adopted this. "I"m sorry, Pippin, ice cream will make you barf." I would say.

Anyway, now that I have kids, I really, really appreciate both the semi-joking advice and the practice I got on the cats before the kids were born. Because I might stink at a lot of this parenting stuff and have any number of bad days - but when the chips are down, my kids know I will not lie to them. so I can say "Honey, the doctor has to put in another stitch to stop it bleeding, and it is going to hurt, but then it will be over." and DS will trust me. He might not listen during normal times all that well every single day - but in an emergency situation the kids both have shown that they know that I mean what I say and won't betray that.

I know that sounds all serious as a response to pretending there's a police officer at the door - but they won't be toddlers forever...

I really agree with this, but I also want to add that NO MOTHER IS PERFECTION ON LEGS and it is OKAY what you did. It REALLY TRULY is. We can't all always think so fast on our feet and given the circumstances, you conveyed a real messgae (Mommy shouldn't be working, she shoule be resting) in a way that made it real and understandable for your kids. I agree that this will probalby not get too many repeat performances with your kids, and probably shouldn't but I don't think you've scarred them for life or whatever.

They will be fine, you will be fine. We sometimes do things not perfect and we get online and talk with other mamas and get other ideas and then know that either there wasn't any other better way or there was and then we try our best tomorrow.

hugs mama. Mama's need to be dealt with gently too.


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## donttrustthesystem (Jul 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twindaze* 
Next time call Santa, or maybe the Easter Bunny would be better, the tooth fairy might work too. But what would I know, I'd never stoop to such tactics.









aha! people in my local city have been telling me that there's too much flaming on mdc and it really turns them off to the site. I've been wondering what that means, as I haven't seen it. I think I may have found it.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Yeah, but that's one post out of 52, yk? There's definitely some non-flaming posts, and some good info, floating around here


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

Yeah, people make mistakes. The key is to learn from them. I guess what I'd take away from it is a bit of time thinking about how to change things so you can feel comfortable setting limits with your kids without having to bring in a third party. Hope the sleep stuff gets sorted out. I really see it as the foundation for everything - when you don't get sleep all bets are off for everyone!


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## twindaze (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *donttrustthesystem* 
aha! people in my local city have been telling me that there's too much flaming on mdc and it really turns them off to the site. I've been wondering what that means, as I haven't seen it. I think I may have found it.

This literally made me laugh out loud. Surely you saw my sarcasm? I mean, the devil smiley said it all did it not? With my oldest being 11.5 and all, I can assure you that I've had plenty of non-stellar parenting moments, all parents do. I mean, I've literally "called Santa" to tell him that my son went on the potty. Am I proud of that? No, but I did it and it worked.







:

I can assure you that I never flame; I have no need to flame to make my point anyway. I can express myself better than that.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

twindaze, I'm reading your pp in a whole different light now


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## twindaze (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deva33mommy* 
twindaze, I'm reading your pp in a whole different light now










i do my best to amuse.









On a serious note though, my ds, 9, used to climb out of his carseat and refuse to get back in. We would tell him we were driving to the police station, until that quit working. One day we actually had to go to the police station. He freaked when we got in the parking lot and got buckled. Dh went in and talked to a dispatcher but there were no officers there at the time. We were just hoping for a little safety chat. Anyway, my point is to be careful, they may just call your bluff.


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

This is off topic, but I just wanted to address telling your kid to go to a policeofficer if he/she is lost. Gavin deBecker in Protecting the Gift says that's not the best idea. Often children mistake security people with police officers and apparently there is a high rate of abuse from men who work in security.

Gavin suggests teaching your dc to find a mom with kids to ask for help if they need it.


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## jul511riv (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sebandg'smama* 
This is off topic, but I just wanted to address telling your kid to go to a policeofficer if he/she is lost. Gavin deBecker in Protecting the Gift says that's not the best idea. Often children mistake security people with police officers and apparently there is a high rate of abuse from men who work in security.

Gavin suggests teaching your dc to find a mom with kids to ask for help if they need it.

My mom always said to find a female police officer...that was best!


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## sdm1024 (Sep 4, 2006)

Hey...none of us are perfect...

I used to spank, and like another poster, have lied about there not being sprite or someother sugary treat in order to avoid a meltdown.

I've loaded my kids in the car, put on a movie that I know they will love, gotten a latte and took a drive in the country just to have a moment of peace and sereneity.

Mothering is a great job, but there are moments when it leaves all of us tapped out, tired etc. Sometimes we do things that aren't the BEST choice, but those are the expirinces that where lessons can be learned. It's about doing better next time and growing as a parent when presented with the challenges that parenting provides.


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## mrsdocmartin (Nov 16, 2006)

I got a chuckle out of this! I don't think it is 100% the best tactic, but to me it isn't so bad either.


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

When I was little (under 5) my dad lost his temper with me and told me that he was taking me to THE BAD LITTLE GIRLS HOME and then he loaded me into the car and drove me around the neighborhood to some house where there actually were little girls in the yard (lucky for him) and at that point I promised to be good.

It's actually one of our favorite stories, I think it was pretty ingenious of him, and it didn't scar me for life.

I haven't had one of those days yet, but I'm sure I'll have my moment at some point.


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## michaelangelosmom (Mar 19, 2007)

I read about your walk. DEFINITELY DO IT AGAIN! I have not done a walk or yoga since babys birth 9 mos ago. You are a huge motivation. Thank You!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
Way, back before I was a parent.....

A much older friend who had teenage DS and school age DD heard me telling my cat "There isn't any more ice cream, Pippin!"

"Hey! No lying to animals!" he told me.

"What? They're animals! He can't eat ice cream, he projectile vomits all over!"

"No lying to animals or children! It's my rule." And he had some kind of reason which wasn't really a GD reason but fit with his personal philosophy, and somehow, even though it was a joke at first, we adopted this. "I"m sorry, Pippin, ice cream will make you barf." I would say.

Anyway, now that I have kids, I really, really appreciate both the semi-joking advice and the practice I got on the cats before the kids were born. Because I might stink at a lot of this parenting stuff and have any number of bad days - but when the chips are down, my kids know I will not lie to them. so I can say "Honey, the doctor has to put in another stitch to stop it bleeding, and it is going to hurt, but then it will be over." and DS will trust me. He might not listen during normal times all that well every single day - but in an emergency situation the kids both have shown that they know that I mean what I say and won't betray that.

I know that sounds all serious as a response to pretending there's a police officer at the door - but they won't be toddlers forever...









:
Now, having time-outs as a self regulated thing that anyone can do to chill out and calm down has got to be one of my mom's cleverest ideas. She could give herself time outs whenever and like grab a 10 minute nap or something.


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## jul511riv (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sdm1024* 
Hey...none of us are perfect...

I used to spank, and like another poster, have lied about there not being sprite or someother sugary treat in order to avoid a meltdown.

I've loaded my kids in the car, put on a movie that I know they will love, gotten a latte and took a drive in the country just to have a moment of peace and sereneity.

Mothering is a great job, but there are moments when it leaves all of us tapped out, tired etc. Sometimes we do things that aren't the BEST choice, but those are the expirinces that where lessons can be learned. It's about doing better next time and growing as a parent when presented with the challenges that parenting provides.


couldn't have said it better meself!


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
Mary Poppins did just the same thing ("Now be quiet or I shall have to summon a policeman"). And look what happened to her! She blew away over the rooftops. Do you want that to happen to you???











Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gwendolyn's babies* 
Really, I feel so bad. I am sorry I did this.My husband didn't agree when he heard what I did either. I plead guilty on all counts. When I posted what i did I was already tired and needed to veg a bit.

If it's any consolation. They know policemen are good men (hopefully all of them are!) When we see a policeman we go and talk to them and we have friends that are policemen. I told my 3 yr old that it really didn't happen yesterday and that mommy lied, that I was just tired.

......
So thank you all for your recommendations and your empathy. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are tired (and sometimes not so tired) and need friends to "wake us up".









I'm sorry you had a hard night, mama. Good for you for listening instead of getting defensive.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nature* 
You know.. I wish the police officer could be the "good guy" but unfortunately at my house he's not. He's the guy that comes and pounds on the door when the downstairs neighbors want to be an ass and say my kids are making too much noise. So ya.. if you tell my 4 year old to be more quiet she says, "Or the policeman will come and put me in jail?" and sadly its the truth. Thats what he says when he comes.

Can't exactly foster trust with that..









He'll take your 4 yo to jail?







: I'm sorry about the harassment.


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