# Consequences for hitting the dog? (2 year old)



## tinams8 (Aug 3, 2002)

We haven't used any kind of time out so far for my son but I am considering it just for this situation. He sneaks up on the dog while she is sleeping and pokes or hits her, not to hurt her but she jumps up and runs away. I'm not sure what is so enticing about it but one of these days she is going to bite him if I can't teach him to stop. He knows darn well he is not supposed to do it...it's very frustrating! Normally I like to use something at least close to natural consequences, but that's obviously not going to work in this case.

My son will be two years old tomorrow, and he has good communication skills and when he wants to, very good self-control. He's definitely been pushing the limits lately and I'm not sure how to handle him...he's realized that I tell him no, we don't bother the dog/hit/whatever but he knows there is no real repercussion besides me saying that.

Do you think some version of time out would work for this situation? How would you handle it?

tina
mama to ds, 2-02 and a little guy due May 2004


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## velcromom (Sep 23, 2003)

Children don't develop the ability to accurately predict the consequences of their actions til around 4 years, so for a 2 year old the time out would be a complete surprise each and every time. I think for now it's a good idea to run interference and interrupt his sneak attacks and redirect him.

Here's a page I use for reference that has great toddler tips:

http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Quote:
Children don't develop the ability to accurately predict the consequences of their actions til around 4 years

...Hmmmm, don't have any statistics to back up my view. But I've had 3 toddlers and I'm pretty sure my 2 year old dd knew exactly what she was doing, and what was going to happen, when she smiled at me while getting ready to do something I had asked her not to do........ (I can still see that little sneaky grin!







)


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## LiamnEmma (Nov 20, 2001)

That's hard, because it's a safety issue too. It sounds like your ds is getting a kick out of the dog jumping and moving, kwim? My kids love to torture our poor dog too. And she just sits there, loving and licking them. I don't quite agree that some kind of consequence would not work, I think this varies from child to child, but I do think that at your ds' young age, it's going to be more about vigilance and distraction. I remember when my ds was about that age I gave him a lot of credit for understanding and comprehending things, and now, looking back on it I realize he was still a baby. So I have no real advice, other than to try to anticipate it, or give your dog a place to rest that your ds can't get to. For example, a room with a gate that the dog can jump over but your toddler can't, where your dog can escape to rest without being bothered. My other thing to say is







it's frustrating. I've been there and I'll be there again, just with an older child. :LOL


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

wow!!! i could have wrote this post but about our cats. i feel so bad for the furry ones, but they just keep taking it sigh...

no words of wisdom (i am looking for them myself) but just letting you know you are not alone

tara


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## velcromom (Sep 23, 2003)

It does seem like they know they are going to get a reaction. But I agree with Sears that they just don't know what that reaction will be. He says til 3 for some, longer for others.

"Stage 3 -- preschoolers (three to seven years). A major turning point in moral development occurs: the child begins to internalize family values. What's important to the parents becomes important to him. The six-year-old may say to a friend, "In our family we do..." These are the child's norms. Once these norms are incorporated in a child's self, the child's behavior can be directed by these inner rules -- of course, with frequent reminding and reinforcing from parents. Later in this stage children begin to understand the concept of the Golden Rule and to consider how what they do affects other people, that others have rights and viewpoints, too, and how to be considerate. Children from three to seven years of age expect wiser people to take charge. They understand the roles of "child" and "adult" and need maturity from the adult. _They perceive consequences and can grasp the when-then connection: when I misbehave, then this happens._ "

I do think all children are different and some may go through the stages more quickly than others. It's important not to have unrealistic expectations though.


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## tinams8 (Aug 3, 2002)

The dog does have somewhere she could sleep safely, but she wants to be with us. I can't blame her. When he was younger I made her go sleep in the bedroom whenever he felt the need to bother the dog. I think he is old enough now to learn some respect for her and hopefully some self control around her, for the sake of his own safety.

He definitely knows what is going to happen each time he pokes the dog, and he knows that it isn't allowed. There is no doubt in my mind, and there are times when I see it coming and convince him to not hit her. He is at the age where he purposely does things that aren't allowed and makes sure I am paying attention, if you know what I mean. He is looking to see what I am going to do about it and I don't know what to do.

So here is a more specific question: What are some possible consequences that I could try? I want to try something, if it is not working or if he doesn't understand I will obviously stop right away. Basically I'm looking for a very simple time-out I guess.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

tina


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## mich (Apr 19, 2002)

One thing that work's for us is to redirect our 2yo to things that he can hit.

"Dont hit doggy, hit the pillow"

He is usually agreeable to this, I just keep redirecting untill he losses intrest in hitting. Then its off to something else. About a month ago I was doing this daily, but it hasent happened in about a week now. (famous last words)

It went about the same when our 4yo was that age.
Good luck, and give doggy a big smooch from me.


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## tinams8 (Aug 3, 2002)

Ok, I've been reading the link velcromom posted to Dr. Sears' site. He says to start time outs at 18 months. His suggestions sound reasonable to me. From 10 Time-Out Techniques:

Quote:

By two years of age most children understand what time-out means-if they misbehave it's off to the chair they go. They perceive time-out as a break in their activity, a parent-imposed (logical) consequence of their behavior. The older the child, the more detailed the explanation can be.
So I'm thinking I will try putting him in time-out in the hallway next to the living room, so that he is moved away from the "action" which I don't think he will like. I don't think he will stay in a chair and I don't like the idea of holding him in the chair while he freaks out for two minutes or whatever... I'm considering setting up the pack-n-play and having him sit in there. (I knew I'd get some use out of that thing eventually.) I have a feeling that it will only take one or two times and he'll stop bothering the dog.

Thanks for the doggie kisses, Mich, she says right back atcha!


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## Leonor (Dec 25, 2001)

Have you tried to show him how to pet the dog? Pet it yourself very gently. If he's harming the dog, stop him gently on the spot.
Then show him how to play with the dog by throwing balls for it to fetch. He's interested in the dog, show him how to have fun with the dog.

I think time outs don't work


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## tinams8 (Aug 3, 2002)

I'm not thrilled with the idea either Leonor, but I don't want my dog to bite him. He knows how to pet the dog, throw the ball for her, etc... They are good friends and get along well. He just has this bad habit of poking her when she is asleep and startling her. He is too young to realize that it is both cruel and dangerous, but he is not too young to know that he is doing something he isn't supposed to do. If time-outs don't work in this case, I will stop. But if it does work, it will solve a very big and potentially dangerous problem.

tina


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## Clarity (Nov 19, 2001)

Not being able to play with the dog is the main consequence...removing the dog is the main action, and the dog will recover. I totally spoil our furry babies, but being displaced by the child, who is higher than them packwise, is not such a bad message anyhow. My dogs loves to sleep near us, but putting him a place where he won't be molested while sleeping is better for everyone, and he might be ok as long as he can see you, so a baby gate might be the perfect solution. My main objection to using time out with the child in this case the physical removal of the child shows the dog that he is more important than the child in the pack, and therefore sets the stage for future conflict or biting when the dog tries to reinforce that.

With our 2yo, we physically restrain her, redirect her, model and verbally remind good touching, and suggest the rougher touch for stuffed animals or the beanbag chair. (jumping for instance.)

Here's a similar dog thread with a child the same age.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hreadid=113871


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## jennas2 (Sep 15, 2002)

Letting your dog have his own space is a great idea. We did this with our dog. We had the dining room and kitchen gated and that area was off limits to ds unless we were present. Unfortunately we had to put our sweet Kuma to sleep last August. Now we deal with Nana's dog. Ds is usually ok with him but will occasionally get a little western in his treatment. Thankfully Nana's border collie acts like Lassie. lol

Back to subject







Telling your child that X treatment of the dog is not ok and if it continues the dog will need to go outside or away from everyone else. This works well for us. Good luck.

Jenna


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