# How Long??



## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

How long have you waited to misscarry. I had brown spotting on monday night, some red tuesday. I have have brown to red spotting occassionally. Nothing significant at all. I am just waiting & waiting & waiting. We all are waiting, & it sucks. Per my US my baby died sometime during the last week of feburary. My doc will let me do this on my own for as long as it takes, as longs as there are no signs of infection. So what is the average? What is the longest?
I have heard of 4 weeks, but not sure I can hang that long. Has anyone used herbs to help induce their misscarraige & how was that? Thanks.


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## surf mama (Jan 8, 2005)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I miscarried last month and it took 3 1/2 weeks of waiting after the baby died. Our u/s was done right after the baby died. (my baby also died at 9wks)

Since you are spotting your body is most likely getting ready and hopefully you won't have to wait much longer. I spotted for four days before the m/c started...my midwife says it can often take a week of spotting before the body is ready.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

dear mama, i am so so sorry for your loss.

i did not have an u/s, but spotted brown blood for a week and two days then miscarried. i suspect my baby died around week 7, and then i lost her at 9 weeks, so it must have in reality been 2 weeks, although i have no idea for sure.

i do know that yarrow in high doses can bring on a miscarriage... i have a friend from europe who's mother taught her about herbs. she told me that on two occations her period was late (meaning she thought she might be pregnant), she made several quarts of strong yarrow tea and just kept drinking it until her period came. and i know from my herbal text that yarrow should be avoided in high doses while pregnant as it is a uterine stimulant.

it certainly couldn't hurt, though it might taste yucky.

i hope this information is helpful to you mama.

huge hugs for you and your family during this very terrible time.


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

i'm so so so sorry christina.
you and your whole family are in my thoughts.

lotusbirthmama started a thread looking for similar answers, in case you hadn't seen it:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=415503

waiting is so hard, but in my case it gave us time to process and release.

my very trusted midwife suggested that herbs for inducing miscarriage could be extremely powerful and potent. she is an ND and midwife, very alternative, and she suggested that if waiting proved impossible emotionally that we might consider using conventional drugs over herbs. this helped me firm up my decision to wait for my body. she later confided that she has actually managed some miscarriages even more scrupulously than births. it seems to me that our bodies intrinsically and sometimes vigorously know how to release these dreams we won't don't want to let go of. hopefully the signs that your body is giving mean the process is well underway.
i hope this doesn't sound pushy, i would just worry about you, christina. i know your sweet posts and i'm worried about you already! i wanted this child for you so badly. it is such a difficult time, and i guess i personally would encourage you to be led through any intervetions by someone nearby who you trust dearly.
my body spaced out the process over three full days (mostly resting). to have hastened the speed might have been to fast for me to cope.
much love


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## pjabslenz (Mar 25, 2004)

Sorry for your loss. I hope you won't have to wait much longer.

Thinking of you and your family.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

Christina

with my first loss we figure the baby died around 14 weeks, I had light barely there spotting for 1 day at 16 weeks and then nothing. I took cytotec to induce at 18 weeks (so 4 weeks after we figure the baby died). My body still had not done anything, my cervix was still completely closed at that point. It isn't the popular choice but it worked for me and was better then a d&c.

I hope your wait is over soon







it is so hard to wake up and not know if you are or are not pregnant anymore









tara


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

So sorry for you mama. It took 7 weeks from his death for the m/c to happen but a week from when we found out about his passing. I wish you strength.


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## Sleepymama (Oct 9, 2003)

I'm so sorry--

With my missed m/c I started spotting brown @ 8 weeks, found out at 10 weeks that the baby had died around 9 weeks, and by 12 weeks I was done. The waiting was so awful--I was afraid to go anywhere and was just miserable. I needed closure. I took cytotec, hemhorraged, and had to have emerg. D&C at loma linda. Spent 8 horrible hours in ER waiting room alone and then in OB room waiting for the surgery. Also I have a prolapse from the cytotec. The d&c wasn't really so bad and if I were to do it again I'd just go that route. But that's just my experience.

So sorry you have to go through this--please let me know if I can do anything!


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## Mearaina (May 3, 2005)

Waiting for a m/c is very hard. My baby died around 5-6 weeks and I started to spot (and found out) at 9 1/2 weeks, had the babe 10 days later. Waiting was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but by the time the actual m/c happened I was more prepared to let go emotional than I would have been right when I found out. I cherished those last few days with my baby, even if he/she was already gone. It gave me time to say good-bye. Looking back, I am so grateful that my body did it so slowly. It was very healing for me, even if it was terrible at the time.







's mama. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.


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## Naughty Dingo (May 23, 2004)

Cristina, I have been thinking about you.










My baby died at about the same time as yours but I didn't miscarry until about 11 weeks. The actual MC occured about a week after my spotting started.

The waiting is terrible isn't it? For me, the one benefit of that terrible time was that it gave my mind the opportunity to make that shift from desperately hanging on, to wanting it to happen. It wasn't something I ever want to experience again, and it was a terrible time, but I think in the end it is healthier for the mind that way.

My friend who is a midwife recommended sex as a safe way to get things started, if you can stand that. I couldn't while I waited.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but of course there isn't









Cristina, take good care, stay safe, and stay strong Mama. We are here for you in the pitifully small ways that we can.

Love, Erika


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Christina Im sorry to hear. My first baby died at about 8-9weeks and I didnt m/c until 15 weeks.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

The waiting is hell. Not so much the mental anguish (that is there) but being home bound. Yeah, I probably could go out & about, but I really do not want to start to m/c out & about & with my luck, I will make a huge mess.
I see my OB on tuesday & we can discuss my options at that time. Cytotec is not an option for me, due to my uterine scar. I will not take that chance. Perhaps prostaglandin gell to get some contrax going, I don't know. Herbals scare me since I do not know that much about them. Part of me, (a small part, but it is gaining) may just go for a d & c the end of this week. I really need to get my life going again, going back to work, etc.

Thanks for the support. Sleepymama, you know what you can do?? You can hold that dear little baby girl really close & show her off on tuesday proudly!!! I may never again get a newborn of my own, but I can live vicarously threw those around me. I will not be there tuesday, but do it anyway!!! See you soon.

ND - thanks I think of you too, alot. I did get your zine. Thanks.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Oh Cristina...I am so sorry.... I haven't been around so I didn't know this at all...I am so sorry about your loss. I'm sitting here crying....nobody in the worlds deserves this...most of all you... Oh sweetie...







:


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## Naughty Dingo (May 23, 2004)

Cristina,

For me, the cramping started midday, with some light bleeding. The actual contractions and heavy bleeding and pain happened for a couple hours around midnight. I am not sure what other people's experiences have been, but I definately had a warning that things were starting to happen, and I would have been able to get home in time if I had been out.

Again,I am so sorry Mama, Maybe getting out would keep your mind off of things, as long as you weren't stuck somewhere.

It is such a strange and hard place to be.

Erika


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I also had warning, I was out and about right up to the day it happened. Getting out and walking helped me mentally and physically.

I hope this goes fast and as easy as possible for you

tara


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## ELKMama (Dec 3, 2003)

Christina -- So, so sorry you are going through this. I will be thinking of you.

My m/c happened at 14 weeks. We'd heard the sad news at teh u/s at 10 weeks and development had stopped at 6 weeks. I was ready to move on, too, and the waiting, waiting, waiting was so hard. I also know that feeling of not being able to have "life on hold" for weeks at a time. Whatever you need to do is what you need.

I was blessed with a pain-free m/c and spotting didn't start until 1 day before. So when the m/c came I had no warning and was actually at work, in a MEETING. That was surreal but since I wasn't in a lot of pain, I was able to quietly leave (no explanation) and go straight home. Crazy -- and not typical -- but I just wanted to share since you mentioned that fear of things starting when you were out and about.

Hang in there.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I want to thank everyone here. I met with my doc today & have made a decision to have a d & c on friday. I am giving my body a few more days & that is it. I need an end in sight & this waiting is hell. Not just on me but those that live with me.
I was also offered cytotec, but I am declining it. It just does not sit well with me to do it. Many women hemorrage & with some others nothing happens & a d & c is needed. With my luck, I would end up with a d & c anyway.
I feel good about my decision. It is one I have not entered lightly but I feel it is best for ME.
Disclaimer: DO NOT try to give advice to talk me out of this. It is my decision & one I am most comfortable with.

Thanks again for the support here. I really appreciate it. Hugs & Love to all.


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## butterfly_mom (Sep 8, 2005)

I just found out about this. I am so sorry. My heart goes to you and your family. I am thinking about you...

-liz


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

Cristina

I will be thinking of you this week, please let us know how you are doing. and please don't feel you need to justify yourself, there is never any one right or wrong awnser we just have to do what we think is best in this crappy situation.

tara


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## Naughty Dingo (May 23, 2004)

Cristina, I am happy for you that you have found peace in your decision. The waiting and not knowing was so awful for me. Then after the weeks and weeks that it took my body to complete the process. This will be good Cristina, a closure for you this Friday, and then you will be able to be open to healing after. I hope it goes smoothly and without trauma. I will be thinking of you and lifiting you up in my thoughts Mama









Erika


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

christina, i'm so glad you have made a decision and are in a place of peace about it - we've all been thinking of you and are so happy to hear that closure will start for you soon. it is so important to follow your heart, that is something i realized with my m/c. even as i was making my decisions it was so clear to me that in a mbbmmmmmm nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbvvvvvvzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzcc cccccccccxmmmmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,n nnn b vccccccccccccccxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxz mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbb vvvvvvvvvvccccxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccvvvvvv, um so i guess i left the room for a second. maeve sends her best wishes too, apparently. anyway it was so crystal clear to me that it in a different time or place i might have needed something else. that what is healing in one instance (not even just for one person but for that instant in time) may not be healing for another. please know that i'm sending love and fully supporting your decision. xo


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I am home from my d&c. I am very glad it is over. I am still at peace with my decision. It went smooth. I lost a full unit of blood (400cc's I think) so I am pretty weak. Overall, not to bad. Now I can begin to heal. Thank you for the support.


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## Sleepymama (Oct 9, 2003)

I'm glad it's over for you--I know I felt really at peace when I woke up from the anasthesia, like I could finally grieve.

I did show her off, and diapered her right in the middle of the room. I do hope and trust that you WILL have a newborn of your own someday!!


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

Cristina, I am so glad that the waiting is over for you. I wish you peace and easy healing.


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## MERMAMA (Mar 11, 2002)

I found out at 14 weeks that my baby had no heartbeat.It had stopped at about8- 9 weeks. I waitedanother 4 1/2 weeks (8 1/2) weeks altogether. and nothing happend. My midwife called her backup doc and he wanted to do a d&c ASAP. Iwent in two days later and I actually woke up with a low grade fever. Possibly the start of an infection. My body just didnt want to give it up. I am so sorry for your loss, time will heal, but you will always remember.


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