# Approaching a suspected sexually active daughter. Condoms found! !



## Sundaysun (Apr 7, 2016)

Hi all, 

How do I go about raising this to my daughter? 

Last week whilst cleaning my daughters room, who is 12. I found a pack of 5 condoms with 2 missing, when I quizzed her she just said it must be a friend playing a joke. I asked and searched her phone and whilst nothing major found in chats and pictures, there was internet searches for birth control.

She has had periods for several years and spoke about sex education, in one way im happy she is being careful, if she is doing it. But I feel she is to young, and where it even happens.

Advice would be great.

Thanks


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## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

Wow! 12 is really, really young in my book. I can't imagine when a 12 year old would have the opportunity to have sex. Is she a latch key kid kind of thing? Does she have opportunities? Does she have a boyfriend? Since you found what you found, I would make the assumption that she is sexually active. I don't believe her story. Do you have a trusted health provider? She should go in and make sure everything is good and get on some form of birth control. Some kids would be more willing to talk to a doc than mom. Is there someone you trust to take her (if you feel like you being there would hamper discussion), like an aunt?


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*I kind of agree*

You've violated her privacy, but 12 is very young to be having sex. I was also thinking a doctors appointment might be a good idea. Maybe there is some other weird reason why she has the condoms but I'd be very concerned she's involved with an older boy. I'd definitely want to have a talk with her about relationships and the consequences of becoming sexually active and try to let her see you want to help not judge her. Teen boys will put pressure on their "girlfriends" to have sex, she may not even feel that comfortable with it, but pressured into it by her peers. I'd be worried about unsupervised computer use and like the other poster said, when could she be finding the time/place to have sex with somebody? Does she have friends whose parents you could talk to? Some kids talk more openly with their parents than others. How is she doing at school?


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Wow, I agree, 12 is young. I would want to have a conversation with her. Because of her age, I would be direct and express concern. I dont agree that the girls privacy was violated, insofar as the condoms were found whilst cleaning the daughters room. Cleaning someone's room isnt violating privacy. 

I cant give you advice since I have never been in this situation, but I would be careful not to be negative about sex in general, but make sure that any sexual activity has been truly consensual. It also depends on the kind of sex education she has had up until now.


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## vegmom (Jul 23, 2003)

The legal age of consent for sexual acts in a lot of areas is 16. If this is true and you find out who her partner is, I would not hesitate to go after and charge them criminally.


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

If the sexual partner is an adult, I agree with pressing criminal charges. If it is another preteen, then it is not criminal and (IMO) both kids need some education and counseling, not juvenile detention.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Exactly, you dont know the age of the partner. He could be the same age.


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## SchoolmarmDE (Apr 23, 2012)

No one should be having sex with a 12yo. Not another 12 yo, and not someone older, certainly. Where on earth would a child that age even get condoms? 

I would assume that this child is being inappropriately victimized. I would take her immediately to a doctor and have her examined. I would call the predator task force and get every method she has of accessing the Internet monitored. And I would find out who thought this was appropriate and use the full resources of the law to explain to them why it's not.

There is no consent with minors. You can't take or view their pictures. You can't touch them. And you for darn sure can't have sex with them. It is wrong for them developmentally, it's illegal, and its perverse. The people who behave otherwise are dangerous.

This is not about "having a chat so the child will grow up with a positive body image." This is about permitting her to grow up. And it's about permitting any other child who might encounter such a person to grow up, too.

Without sexual assault.


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> No one should be having sex with a 12yo. Not another 12 yo, and not someone older, certainly. Where on earth would a child that age even get condoms?


While I do agree that 12yos should not be having sex at all, anyone can purchase condoms in any grocery store, pharmacy, big box store, or gas station. And that's not a bad thing.


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## SchoolmarmDE (Apr 23, 2012)

chickabiddy said:


> While I do agree that 12yos should not be having sex at all, anyone can purchase condoms in any grocery store, pharmacy, big box store, or gas station. And that's not a bad thing.


Well, people live in different places.

But if my 12 yo daughter actually got the nerve up to buy a five pack of condoms at the local minimart, I would fully expect some mother with a half gallon of milk to speak to her. And if she tried to do it in our drug store the pharmacist would be seated, in the quiet spot used for counseling, talking to her while folks looked for a supervising adult.

I can see getting hold of a couple...we try to make them available. But to purchase a multipack? I think that would occasion response. We try to watch out for children.


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

I find that unfortunate.

I definitely do not want my young teen having sex. But if she does, I want her to use a condom. I don't want anyone talking her out of buying condoms.

And on another note, when I was 21 and married, I apparently looked *much* younger. I would not have been pleased if a mom buying milk wanted to discuss my family planning choices with me.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> And if she tried to do it in our drug store the pharmacist would be seated, in the quiet spot used for counseling, talking to her while folks looked for a supervising adult.
> .


Where do you live? What you are describing is really far from reality where I live.

Condoms don't require a pharmacist. They are no more protected that ink pens. If someone wants to buy them, they just pick them up and go to the check out and pay.

This isn't the Victorian era. If a person wants to buy condom, they can buy them. The world isn't going to come to a halt while strangers track down their parents.


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## SchoolmarmDE (Apr 23, 2012)

As I said, people live different places.

And my 12 year old looks like a 12 year old...that is, legally six years too young to have sex. And, having grown up here, the chances of her running into someone who knows her, any store she could get to, are pretty high.

But, just so folks who don't have older children know, if a child is old enough to have condoms in the room, they are also more than old enough to have a fake facebook account you don't know about, both a YikYak and a snap chat, and some sort of photo vault to keep pictures in, like one of these. http://mashable.com/2014/09/29/sexting-photo-apps/#yhwv05Y09sqF

I'm all about sex ed...I was probably teaching it before some people here were born. But I'm not about children being sexually exploited, which happens frequently.


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## Ratchet (Mar 24, 2011)

Just relaying a personal story- my DDs are little so no BTDT type advise here...

When I was 12 I had gotten into shoplifting. My teenager cousin made it look glamorous and my best friend and I would ride our bike to the grocery store and shoplift like cheese and crackers and eat it in the park. Or a bra (practically training bras) at TJMaxx. Once we we at a Walmart-type store with my mom and her friend, we went off on our own, and shoplifted condoms. My recollection was it was a 12 pack of the ones that look like multicolored metallic coins. We got caught, it was the first/ only time I get caught; I certainly never shoplifted again. My friend got beaten up a bit by her father. We weren't allowed to hang out anymore and the next year she went to private school. 

I had made a collage around that time of a stuff cut out from 17 magazine or similar stuff. I think it was a central picture of 2 people, artsy, and maybe a condom somehow involved. Then I cut out the word 'sex' and glued that all around it. There were probably 100 'sex' word cut outs. I think I was making a comment about being surrounded by sex in popular media, I guess. My mom found the collage and asked me if that was what the condoms were for, and I said no, because they weren't, but I bet she would have been relieved if I said yes. Maybe she was close to the reality though- it was all the same curiosity. 

I didn't have sex untill I was 15 (which is still too early but better than 12). I shoplifted the condoms because I was curious, because I wanted to know what they looked like, because it was a thrill. I has kissed guys but nothing more exotic and had no intention of having sex. Thank god my mom didn't call a predator task force or something else. It was all really traumatic, for non-sexual reasons. 

I'll also comment that my husband first had sex at 13. Neither of us would ever consider ourselves to be abused, traumatized, victimized. We are both healthy grown ups now. Neither of us was particularly promiscuous at any point. I grew up and went into women's health and love the field. BUT I don't want the same early sexual experiences for my daughters, and I don't know exactly how to approach that. I don't think turning it into a legal, abuse, or trauma based situation would be the answer, unless something our than condoms told you to go that way.


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## Ratchet (Mar 24, 2011)

Is Planned Parenthood an option near you (if you feel comfortable with them)? I would have never spoken frankly with my pediatrician but at 16 started going on my own to planned parenthood, paying out of pocket. I trusted them whereas I knew my pedi would have just told everything to my mom.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> No one should be having sex with a 12yo. Not another 12 yo, and not someone older, certainly.


I didnt read your entire post, and will do so, but just wanted to interject quickly, that here is a world of difference between a much older person having sex with a 12 yo, which is sexual assault, and two consenting same aged 12yos doing so. As a parent, I would be mortified if my own son or daughter started so young, but it does happen, and it isnt necessarily assault.....it does a disservice to treat the two situations as the same.

will go on to read the rest of your post and discussion....


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Anyway..... when I was 12, there was plenty of fondling and kissing, and sex is an easy next step, so frankly, it can happen. Admittedly, I was the kind that slapped anyone in the face if they came near me with their 'frigid test' which was also going on when I was 12 (did anyone have anything similar to that? It amazed me how many girls submitted to this test, in order to avoid the 'frigid' title. This was back in 1979). There was also the 'show me yours and Ill show you mine' kind of thing going on. I said no to that too.

It occurred to me from the beginning of this thread, that such a complex and difficult subject-'your child's first sexual encounter and how to deal with it', being mixed up with the -'your child _who is way too young_ to be having sex and how to deal with it'..., could only be the work of a troll.

The OP is nowhere to be found. Maybe she' s just busy..;-)
.
Apologies in advance to the OP if this is not the case.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

In addition to everything above -if I thought my 12 yr old was having sex, I would _highly_ ramp up the supervision. They are too young, period, and I would do what I could to prevent it from happening for their sake.


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## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> And my 12 year old looks like a 12 year old...that is, legally six years too young to have sex.


There are places where it is illegal for 17-year-olds to have sex? Where do you live?

Miranda


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> And my 12 year old looks like a 12 year old...that is, legally six years too young to have sex. And, having grown up here, the chances of her running into someone who knows her, any store she could get to, are pretty high.


My newly-14yo looks old enough that when we go out to eat, servers ask us if we want separate checks, which always horrifies her. And she has a Visa debit card linked to her checking account, which she can use to purchase items, even condoms, online or at a self-checkout at a store.

Again, I don't think 12yos should be having sex at all. 12yos who are having sex with adults are victims and the adults should face consequences. Certain social media are inappropriate and potentially dangerous and should be monitored. We agree on that.

But preventing (or intimidating away) 12yos from buying condoms will not change any of that. It will just led to pregnant 12yos and 12yos with STDs that they may have to live with for the rest of their lives.


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## SchoolmarmDE (Apr 23, 2012)

moominmamma said:


> There are places where it is illegal for 17-year-olds to have sex? Where do you live?
> 
> Miranda


The age of consent here is 18.

Now, if both kids were the same age, over 16, and their parents had no issue, no one would show up with charges. But if not...could get more than awkward, fast.

I have five children, the 12 year old is the youngest. In addition to sex ed, they know about age of consent. Because "how old she looks" is not an affirmative defense.


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## SchoolmarmDE (Apr 23, 2012)

chickabiddy said:


> My newly-14yo looks old enough that when we go out to eat, servers ask us if we want separate checks, which always horrifies her. And she has a Visa debit card linked to her checking account, which she can use to purchase items, even condoms, online or at a self-checkout at a store.
> 
> Again, I don't think 12yos should be having sex at all. 12yos who are having sex with adults are victims and the adults should face consequences. Certain social media are inappropriate and potentially dangerous and should be monitored. We agree on that.
> 
> But preventing (or intimidating away) 12yos from buying condoms will not change any of that. It will just led to pregnant 12yos and 12yos with STDs that they may have to live with for the rest of their lives.


I'm not suggesting a policy of intimidating teens from buying condoms. I do the condom and carrot thing for them, which embarrasses them, but is necessary. They read "And The Band Played On" as part of their high school curriculum. My older kids interned at Planned Parenthood, and have counter-protested there.

But if a *child*, who everyone knew, went to a store and dug out their candy money to buy a five pack of condoms, yes, I predict people would CARE. Not because they're Victorian hatemongers who want young people to have terrible self esteem about sex, but because they're sincerely nice people who care about members of their community.

I understand most people live in a hostile isolated universe where we can all go to hell in our own hand baskets. If my kids wanted to buy a water ice they'd have a two mile walk to the location, and when they got there, someone would know them. Ditto for going to the drug store. So yes, I'd think the chances of interference were high.

It wouldn't be necessary, here. This whole story wouldn't happen, here. They could hide an elephant in those rooms, most days. : D

Eta And it's enough tough to get a kid a checking account. I had to be on the paperwork for a 16 year old who had direct deposit from the Y. So THAT'S the part of your story that struck me.


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## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

Wow, I'm amazed; my kids had moved away from home by 16-17, were managing all the daily details of their lives, their work, education, relationship decisions, finances, travel, medical care. They could have married with parental permission, yet where you live it would have been illegal for them to have sex? 

I'm glad we don't live somewhere that restricts the freedom and responsibility of teens to the extent your state seems to. I'm most concerned that teens seeking to protect themselves by buying condoms or seeking out other forms of contraception are putting themselves at risk for being charged for illegal activities. That seems like a powerful deterrent -- not so much for sex which takes place privately -- but for taking actions in public that responsibly reduce the risks of sex.

My 13yo has had a checking account for a couple of years. It was no big deal at our local credit union to get it set up. It took half an hour, a cosignature and a birth certificate, and it's actually something the credit union encourages pro-actively; they have no-fee accounts for young members and other incentives. She has a debit card and checks. She could get a MasterCard checking card (my older kids had them from age 14 or so). And regardless of bank rules, prepaid gift cards allow a person of any age to use the Visa or Mastercard system for online purchases. 

Miranda


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## Claudia Chapman (Aug 9, 2012)

I remember my mother threatening to "have me examined" when she thought I was having sex and didn't believe me when I told her truthfully that I wasn't.

The idea of having my body "examined" against my will was very traumatic to me and frankly it really damaged my relationship with my mother in a very long lasting way.


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## SchoolmarmDE (Apr 23, 2012)

moominmamma said:


> Wow, I'm amazed; my kids had moved away from home by 16-17, were managing all the daily details of their lives, their work, education, relationship decisions, finances, travel, medical care. They could have married with parental permission, yet where you live it would have been illegal for them to have sex?
> 
> I'm glad we don't live somewhere that restricts the freedom and responsibility of teens to the extent your state seems to. I'm most concerned that teens seeking to protect themselves by buying condoms or seeking out other forms of contraception are putting themselves at risk for being charged for illegal activities. That seems like a powerful deterrent -- not so much for sex which takes place privately -- but for taking actions in public that responsibly reduce the risks of sex.
> 
> ...


The checking business is bank policy, nothing to do with law. Stupid, I agree.

And I doubt any independent young adult would get trouble buying condoms. It's not that kind of culture. But an unaccompanied, known, little girl in a Star Wars t-shirt would be noticed.

Does no one else live where children are children?


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## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> Does no one else live where children are children?


I think it's important to recognize that temperament, developmental timetable and environment can have a huge influence on how and when children make the transit through adolescence. My eldest at 12 was a shy late bloomer. My youngest on the other hand (recently turned 13) exudes such confidence and competence that she is regularly assumed to be several years older. I feel no need to mourn the fact that she outgrew childhood sooner than her sister. It's just who she is.

Miranda


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> Eta And it's enough tough to get a kid a checking account. I had to be on the paperwork for a 16 year old who had direct deposit from the Y. So THAT'S the part of your story that struck me.


It is a joint account with me as co-signer, but she has her own card. And while I do check the account on occasion, I likely would not question a small purchase from amazon.com or other large retailer.


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> Does no one else live where children are children?


My kid, despite looking older, is still very much a kid. Somewhat socially immature. Very little interest in dating and none at all in sex. This is fine with me and I consider it appropriate.

However, I still think that teens and people who look like teens should be able to buy condoms without being taken aside by the pharmacist or a mom buying milk. I do not think young teens should have sex. But some of them will, with or without my approval, and making it more difficult to be safe is not a good thing.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

I goggled "age of consent" because I was curious. In the U.S., it is set by the state, and ranges from 16-18. 
http://www.ageofconsent.us/

In most European countries, it is 14-16
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe

I don't live a life where everyone knows each other. My kids can walk to the store and buy things without anyone seeing them who knows them. Both my DDs starting looking older than their age when they were around 12, and both have been mistaken for being much older than they are. (My personal fav is when my DD's high school hired a new principal, and she mistook my DD, who was 15 at the time, for a substitute teacher.) Both my DDs by late 12 to early 13 could have passed for 16.

Both my kids have bank accounts with ATM cards. We put their monthly allowance in their account and they are responsible for purchasing things like their own toiletries. It's part of our plan to teach them to budget and take care of themselves.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

moominmamma said:


> I think it's important to recognize that temperament, developmental timetable and environment can have a huge influence on how and when children make the transit through adolescence. My eldest at 12 was a shy late bloomer. My youngest on the other hand (recently turned 13) exudes such confidence and competence that she is regularly assumed to be several years older. I feel no need to mourn the fact that she outgrew childhood sooner than her sister. It's just who she is.
> 
> Miranda


Not to the point of having sex, though. I do not think any 12 year old (which is what this thread is about) is ready for sex.


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## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

kathymuggle said:


> Not to the point of having sex, though. I do not think any 12 year old (which is what this thread is about) is ready for sex.


I would agree about the sex.

I was just replying to the question "Does no one else live where children are children?" by a poster who was appalled that any 12-year-old might be able to get away with buying condoms. Some kids look and act older, and I guess I kind of bristled at the implication that if you have one of those kids who is mistaken for older you're somehow cheating them of a childhood. Maybe that's not how it was meant, but I've certainly heard the phrase used derisively in reference to my kid.

Miranda


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## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

I think almost all the posters have been pretty clear that 12yos having sex is far from ideal, whether they have a bank card or not. But it is a sad fact that some 12yos DO have sex, so a discussion about why purchasing condoms should not be problematic is fair.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

chickabiddy said:


> I think almost all the posters have been pretty clear that 12yos having sex is far from ideal, whether they have a bank card or not. But it is a sad fact that some 12yos DO have sex, so a discussion about why purchasing condoms should not be problematic is fair.


I think a discussion on whether 12 year olds should be able to purchase condoms is a fair discussion.

On the balance, I think a child should be able to go into a store at any age and buy condoms. I am not a big fan of restricting what people, even children, can buy.

That being said, I would be very pleased if a friend spotted said 12 year old child and told me about it (I would not be pleased if the child was 17 - that is a case of MYOB). I think it is very possible a 12 year old buying condoms was not intending to use them. Boys sometimes carry them around in their wallets for years "just in case." They could make them into gross balloons, just want to see what they look like, who knows? If you are hitting puberty sex is a fascinating topic, but that does not mean you want to _do it._ None -the-less I would want to know so I could initiate a conversation with my child on their reasons for purchasing condoms, and take appropriate actions if it looked at all like they were or wanted to be sexually active.


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## SchoolmarmDE (Apr 23, 2012)

moominmamma said:


> I would agree about the sex.
> 
> I was just replying to the question "Does no one else live where children are children?" by a poster who was appalled that any 12-year-old might be able to get away with buying condoms. Some kids look and act older, and I guess I kind of bristled at the implication that if you have one of those kids who is mistaken for older you're somehow cheating them of a childhood. Maybe that's not how it was meant, but I've certainly heard the phrase used derisively in reference to my kid.
> 
> Miranda


I'm sorry that you saw my post as representing "appalled that any 12 yo would get away with." That wasn't, and isn't, my point of view, at all.

But, and speaking as the mother of a 12 year old, I think that she would be challenged if she did that. And I can say that when I, in my 30's , bought a house here, I introduced myself to a neighbor, a couple of weeks in. And the neighbor said, "Yes, we wondered if you were from this area originally, because you had so many different cars visiting." So being up in people's business is an equal opportunity hobby, around here. :grin:

My five children range in age from 27-12. When I go somewhere with my 15 and 12 year olds on a weekday, they will be asked if their school has in service. If I go to the store without any children, I'll be asked where they are, and probably have a conversation about what the oldest ones are doing, as well as a conversation about how someone's grandchildren, knee replacement, new azalea, or midterms are going.

So when I read the original post, one of my first reactions was, "Wow. Apparently there are places where that doesn't happen." I'm not suggesting people shouldn't empower their children in any way they find suitable. I'm mostly expressing surprise.

Again, I'm sorry that anything I said felt like a criticism of your parenting, or your choices. That was not at all my intent.:frown:


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## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

SchoolmarmDE said:


> When I go somewhere with my 15 and 12 year olds on a weekday, they will be asked if their school has in service.


Haha, and if I went somewhere in our village with my 13yo on a weekday, she wouldn't be asked if her school has an in-service because everyone knows that she is unschooled.

Yet our K-12 school has coin-op condom machines in the bathrooms, and the bathroom at the youth centre has a tray of free ones. Where I live there is a very clear understanding about the value of harm reduction. We've also had a needle exchange program for almost 20 years.

Miranda


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

moominmamma said:


> Haha, and if I went somewhere in our village with my 13yo on a weekday, she wouldn't be asked if her school has an in-service because everyone knows that she is unschooled.
> 
> Yet our K-12 school has coin-op condom machines in the bathrooms, and the bathroom at the youth centre has a tray of free ones. Where I live there is a very clear understanding about the value of harm reduction. We've also had a needle exchange program for almost 20 years.
> 
> Miranda


Curious - do the K-12 use the same washroom?

I don't think condoms in the bathroom in anything under grade 8 would fly here.


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## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

kathymuggle said:


> Curious - do the K-12 use the same washroom?


There's a set that have smaller fixtures and shorter sinks down next to the three primary classrooms. Those don't have the condoms machines. The larger set of washrooms are by the library/lobby/gym and are used by everyone, including the middle/high schoolers. Those are the washrooms with the condom machines.

Miranda


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

kathymuggle said:


> That being said, I would be very pleased if a friend spotted said 12 year old child and told me about it (I would not be pleased if the child was 17 - that is a case of MYOB). I think it is very possible a 12 year old buying condoms was not intending to use them. Boys sometimes carry them around in their wallets for years "just in case." They could make them into gross balloons, just want to see what they look like, who knows? If you are hitting puberty sex is a fascinating topic, but that does not mean you want to _do it._ None -the-less I would want to know so I could initiate a conversation with my child on their reasons for purchasing condoms, and take appropriate actions if it looked at all like they were or wanted to be sexually active.


Agreed 100%. I would appreciate hugely a heads up if a friend saw my teen making such a purchase, but I would not be pleased if they chose to approach and quiz my kid as to why they were buying condoms. Not their business, not their place.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

kathymuggle said:


> That being said, I would be very pleased if a friend spotted said 12 year old child and told me about it (I would not be pleased if the child was 17 - that is a case of MYOB).


What's the magic age when you wouldn't want to be told? 14? 15? What if it was your neighbor around the corner who didn't really know either you or your teen, just could recognize you guys and felt the need to keep you in the loop because they enjoy drama?

I have to admit, I don't get it. I feel that my job as a parent is to build a relationship with my kids/teens where open communication is possible, and that if I fail at that, it isn't any one else's place to tell me their business.

My views are strongly shaped by having been raised by parents who were abusive and taught me VERY well that they were crazy and reactionary and, well, abusive. If you tell some other parent that you saw their teen (of whatever age) buying condoms, that teen could very well get the sh*t beat out of them. Because I know this far better than I wish I did, I would never tell another parent what I knew or saw about their child, and I wouldn't want any one tell me things. Even though my kids are completely safe at home, not all kids are.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

Linda on the move said:


> What's the magic age when you wouldn't want to be told? 14? 15? What if it was your neighbor around the corner who didn't really know either you or your teen, just could recognize you guys and felt the need to keep you in the loop because they enjoy drama?
> 
> I have to admit, I don't get it. I feel that my job as a parent is to build a relationship with my kids/teens where open communication is possible, and that if I fail at that, it isn't any one else's place to tell me their business.
> 
> .


I am not sure what the magic age is. I am sure 12 is under it.

No one _has_ to tell me if they see my 12 year old buying condoms but I stick by what I said earlier...I would appreciate it, and I would thank them for looking out for my kid, if that was their intent. It is my job to build open communication with my children, but come on...life happens and 12 is a hard age. I don't think "too bad/so sad...you failed to have a perfect relationship where everyone communicates openly all the time" is a good justification for turning the other way when a 12 year old buys condoms. There are valid reasons for turning the other way, but being judgmental isn't one.


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## Ratchet (Mar 24, 2011)

We've been debating buying condoms- no reason to assume she BOUGHT them - stolen, given , found, etc. good point about telling parents- my friend was beaten when her dad found out ( about the condoms, and the shoplifting).


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

Ratchet said:


> We've been debating buying condoms- no reason to assume she BOUGHT them - stolen, given , found, etc. good point about telling parents- my friend was beaten when her dad found out ( about the condoms, and the shoplifting).


Thanks for the reminder of how bad parenting can be.

There's a bowel of condoms at our family clinic. They are there for anyone to grab.


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