# Does the longing for "just one more" ever really go away??



## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

I love pregnancy. I loooove birth. I looove babies. I have a just-turned-four year old DD, a 2.5 year old DS and an 8 week old DD. I want one more. Just onnneee moorrreee.









But would I really be "done" then? I dont think so. I feel like I'm never going to be satisfied! My MIL(had 3 kids) and Mother(had 4 kids) have both told me that the feeling of wanting more never went away and I think I would be the same way.

Even if you knew you HAD to be done (for financial, health or space reasons, etc) did you always feel that tug? Did anyone here ever have their "last baby" and feel complete peace for ever more!??

Help me out here...am I doomed to mourn the end of my reproductive years forever?


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I used to feel a strong yearning for "just one more," but not I'm 48 and it seems unlikely that it will happen at this point. And I actually feel at peace about it because we really are a complete family just as we are.

I've also really had my interests expand within the last few years. After having dd1, I kind of got sucked into a vacuum where the only things that interested me were things like breasfeeding, attachment parenting, and unschooling...and I stayed in there until dd2 was around five or so.

Now I feel like there's so much more to life than just my little world


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## mary3mama (Apr 2, 2004)

It finally did for me. I still gush over babies & occasionally daydream about having another. But it isn't the same as truly wanting 'just one more.'

My 'baby' is 5 1/2.
She has 2 older brothers.
I am full, complete & DONE.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Not for me. My hubby said no to more than two...... but mine are nearly grown and I still long for pregnancy and baby days.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I had the just one more baby, and if I am being completely honest, I'll say that many a time I would take the wistful wishing over the the fact that he really is here. In other words, I am completely DONE having children EVER. Is that clear enough?







So yeah, it is possible to feel that way.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

The wanting "just one more" never went away for me. Each time my babies were a year old I just had to have another. Now I have four kids (who are far from babies *sniff* ages 5, 7, 9, and 11). The only reason we don't have anymore is that we haven't been successful at getting pregnant again/. I'm fairly positive that even if we had 5-6, I'd still want more. I also love pregnancy and babies -- birth, it's exciting, but mine were all c-sections so I can't say I love having surgery.

I think part of it is just realizing you might be done with the childbearing time in your life. I mourn that (even though I hold out hope we may be lucky enough to have "just one more" in the future).


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

It does for me.

I am DONE. 2 kids, 8 and 6, and we're through. They are both very bright and very energetic and very persistent and very creative and very kinetic and very loud and just....VERY. And they require all of my energy and patience to parent. The thought of adding a third child quite frankly makes me want to run very far away.

DS (firstborn) as a baby/toddler was easygoing and a breeze to parent, and I thought I was the shiznit as a parent.

DD came along when DS was 2-1/2, and whacked me in the face with an jumbo sized humble pie (with a brick concealed inside it). She was high needs and to this day has a very big personality. DS has taken on some intense traits as well (though in different aspects of his personality), so I have about all I can handle with the two of them.

To be clear: I ADORE them. I would do anything for them. I cannot imagine my life without either one of them and they bring me a tremendous amount of joy. I am thrilled I have been able to be a work-at-home mom to be their constant primary caregiver since their births. They have taught me more in the past few years than I learned in the previous 30+ of my life.

If I had easygoing, laid back kids (like I was as a kid), I'd have 4 or 5. I love babies and children. But with the 2 actual children I have, I am 100% done. If by some chance I did get pregnant somehow, I would obviously adjust and love the new addition and I'm sure be madly devoted and not be able to imagine life without them....but I have NO desire to have another baby on purpose.


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## hempmama (Dec 16, 2004)

Yes! I don't want any more children, at all. I have 3. 8, 6, and almost 4. I didn't want any more pretty much right after number 3 was born. We said 2 with an option for 3, and we took the option. I hate pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding, though, so I don't have the feeling of wanting to prolong that hazy lovely time or anything. They seem like harsh but worth it payment for the awesome that is children. But I wouldn't want to do it again. And I just don't want any more kids to raise. I only want my 3.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I love birth (and my body so far seems to be good at it, with precipitate labours and easy births). My first pregnancy was fine, the next was harder work. The third (actually 7th, i've lost 4) is HARD. I am done right now and this baby isn't even here. I was fully excited to try again in April and within days of the 2 lines appearing and i had 2 kids to look after and i felt like crappity crap i was OVER it! LOL.

I look forward to talking to other expectant women, holding their babies for a cuddle then handing them back. For me it's not so much the newborns i'm not interested in, it's the reality that my newborn will soon be a toddler, a kid, a tween, a teen.... How many of us thought "Oh i'd LOVE a 13yo slamming the door in my face, they're so SWEET! Let's try to make one!"? ;P


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## MarieP (Jul 17, 2012)

I think I will always have that desire. I wanted to have a big family, but it didn't work out that way. I love pregnancy, birth, babies, etc, but I also know deep down that our family is the right size for us. So, when I get that twinge of baby fever, I try to think about how great things are with the ages that my kids are and focus on that.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

When I first contemplated purposefully having children (I already had one by accident who was 8 years old by then) I thought I only wanted 2 more. Immediately after I had my 3rd, though, I announced that I wanted just one more. My husband was kind of freaking out because he only wanted two children total and we were already one beyond that. I have that "just one more" baby now. He turned 1 year old yesterday.

I love being pregnant. I love giving birth. I don't have that need to do it again, though. I am now fulfilled and content with the size of my family. So, for me, I followed my heart and found that when I was done, I was done.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Yes and no.

I HATE pregnancy except for the burping/farting (which I find hilarious) and the baby movements. I like newborns but hate the sleep dep and breastfeeding is not my favorite thing in the world. (granted, my longest experience was with triple nursing and I'm not sure that ANYONE would be having orgasms over that, so maybe I'm too harsh on myself).

But even I still have twinges of wanting another kid. For me it tends to happen when I am worried (either consciously or not) about yet another new stage in my life. I had the baby fever big time when my oldest was about ready to start school, and when my (youngest) twins started 1st grade. That was a huge transition/image shift for ME, so unsurprising I wanted to go back to what I was confident about/knew. I've been feeling more twinges now that I'm 2 years to 40, which I see for some reason as a transition. Also my DD started her period this year, and for awhile that got me thinking about starting over with a new baby. I'm not scared of these changes/transitions, but for whatever reason "have a baby" seems safe/known to me and I think that's what I default to.

I'm starting school full time in the fall, and have been having more baby cravings.

I had all my kids before I turned 30. I know so many great/better than me vibrant moms who waited until their 30s/40s to have kids (almost all my face to face friends are older than me), I wonder if that isn't one of the reasons why I feel the urge now. Luckily some of them are still having babies so at least I get a fix in.

I've accepted that this is something that I will feel, but will not act on. DH would be willing, but I know he'd rather not. The kids (the boys especially) are a little baby crazy since so many of their friends have cute, smiley baby brothers (they're all boys for some reason!), and hell if I could guarantee a baby like their friends' siblings I might be more up for it and DH would be too! But...my kids are 10, 9, and 9 now--we've long since gotten rid of clothing/equipment, it would be a restart in many ways...so I do think that I have purposefully gently closed the door to it. I am sad about it sometimes, but I tend to try to veer away from what if/fantasy stuff, so the sad tends to be short lived.

Plus I am at higher "risk" for multiples like whoa now and I think another set of twins or HOM would be the death of me. I already went through TTTS, traumatic after birth shit, and the reality of 3 kids under the age of 2 and it changed me in personality, psychology, and even intelligence and while I love all my kids I really don't want to risk going there again by choice. Could I deal if it happened, yes. But I am happy with the now, I've got other exciting things in front of me, and for me I know it's more of a comfort touchstone type of thought than anything else. I'm sure I'll still feel that way occasionally even when/if I am a grandma.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

I can't say for sure yet, but I think it will be gone for me after this baby. I am 26 weeks pregnant with my 5th baby, and I feel 110% sure that I don't ever want to do this again. I detest pregnancy, though I like birth (though it does hurt like heck) and absolutely adore babies. I have been miserable during every single one of my pregnancies, but always thought I wanted more. I will be 38 when this baby is born, and though I am beyond excited for her, I really really don't ever want to do it again. I plan to enjoy her baby years, but I am also looking forward to moving past this phase of my life.

Dh is going to get a vasectomy, which I never wanted him to do before. Now I really really want him to do it. Part of me is scared that once baby is a year old or so, I will forget just how miserable pregnancy is for me, and I will start wishing for one more.

So, I guess my short answer is that I think that the "just one more" wish for me is gone, but I won't really know for sure until my new baby is a year or so old.


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

I dunno... I have one perm and one temp, and even though the permanent one is trying my last nerve as he adapts to having a sibling, the temp is not a baby and I find myself really, really wanting a baby. I WANT to do diapers, and buy cute little onesies with the adorable embroidery on them. I want to babywear, even though my knees, hips and back are a mess. I want to cuddle a cute little baby, even though I'm loving sleeping all night long right now. And the "temp" is so easygoing that adding a third seems like it would be a breeze. I'm telling ya, being a foster parent is enabling! All I have to do is call up my licensing worker and say, "Send me a baby!" and I'll have one. No TTC, no 40-week wait. Oh, help me.


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## AngieB (Oct 25, 2003)

For me it is gone. After my third baby I still had the longing for just one more but felt that my patients was at its limit with three and we decided to be done, then dh didn't make it to the dr. Soon enough and surprise I was pregnant with number four. Pretty much from the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I was done. When dd was a baby I enjoyed her babyness but also enjoyed as each stage ended and I could say, I'll never have to breast feed again or change a diaper or work at preschool. Dd is starting kindergarten in a few weeks and I am so excited, I feel like I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life. I really don't even feel the urge to hold cute babies I see. I'm really, really done.


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

I dunno, a week ago I would have said yes, our neighbors just had their third and I felt no envy at all, but the past week, out of nowhere, I've been questioning myself. I'm almost 38, have my 2 very intense kids, often feel at my wits end already, DH doesn't want more ever at all, the gap would be way wider than I would like, yet here I am, kind of sort of thinking it might be nice to have another. Hopefully the feeling will pass soon!


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## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

It was really hard for me at first. I had DD later into my 30s and had bad baby fever when she hit a year. I love newborns, nursing, the young baby years...but I think that was a part of me that knew I was reaching the end of my "prime" childbearing years (yes yes, of course I know that plenty of women have babies well into their 40s! Look at Halle Berry!  ) It was also mourning the end of a phase of my life (I was muttering things like "Great...next stop menopause" under my breath on a regular basis)

Well, DH was DONE and I agreed that we had two beautiful, very busy children who are quite the handful and I understood his feeling that he is at capacity (he's such a great dad, I wanted to take his feelings and personal limits into account) Flash forward, I hit 40 (last year) and LOVE - FTR, it's a fun and powerful year. I agreed to him getting the big V and have settled in with our decision.

I still get baby cravings - but what has helped has being around friends and family's babies - they're a lot of work in a whole different way! I had our friend's one year old here for an evening so they could go to a memorial service. Our 8 year olds played with limited supervision in the house and I scrambled around after the toddler - worried she'd choke on something, tumble over and hit her head - totally paranoid (didn't want something to happen to their baby on my watch so I basically ran behind her with outstretched arms all evening, lol) She had a blast and was happy the whole night, I was a wreck!) Or when we go out on the boat with those with toddlers - the older kids all put on their vests (lake laws) and all swim well with us, even diving off the back in deeper water. The baby we have to hawk like an absolute hawk and I wouldn't turn my back on an unattended wee one on a boat for a second.

Those "outings" make me a little less nostalgic and more grateful for the phases we're at. I miss the newborn days, but each childhood phase brings a whole new "cool!!"


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## HouseofPeace (Mar 23, 2011)

i've kinda come to the realization that i will always want 'one more'- but have also realized, currently in the 1st trimester w/ my 5th, that i could also be done after this. i don't have a great 'need' for more- 5 was always my magic number. but my love and passion for pregnancy, birth, newborns and up could be met by me serving women who are in those phases of life. if i stop having babies, i could become a midwife. i'm already a health counselor, i could take on more clients and focus more on helping people outside of my home.

that said, once my babies turn one year, i'm ready for the next. i have easy pregnancies, healthy babies, homebirths, everything is so wonderful, but my husband has been a little PTSD since number 4, (so they're all strong-willed, independent, LOUD, and amazing) or maybe it's CTSD (for current traumatic) as he is just not coping with so many small needy people. in another world, i could see myself having a dozen kids and loving it, but that for me means i need a partner who wants that whole adventure as well, and he's not the one for that adventure. so, because i love him, i think finding another way to satisfy my deep love and respect for the beauty of parenting is in order.


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## Oliver'sMom (Jul 17, 2007)

I have two boys and I ache for a third. I think I just really am yearning for a daughter. Due to health reasons, I've been advised to not get pregnant again, so DH got a vasectomy. Our plan is to adopt a girl in a few years when we're good and stable. I really didn't enjoy pregnancy. Giving birth was awesome, but I had major complications afterwards. Breastfeeding is something I could take or leave.

I could easily see myself wanting to adopt a fourth child down the line, but I can't see wanting a fifth. Babies are addicting!


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## Daners (Jul 28, 2012)

I do not think I will ever be able to get rid of that "just one more" feeling. I enjoy being pregnant and I truly enjoy the birthing process so much so that I am seriously thinking about surrogacy for a needy family. I currently have 3 of my own 10weeks DS, 2 1/2 DD, and a very intense 5 1/2 DD plus two bonus children form my husbands previous relationship that we have the privlage of raising without her help 11 DS and 9 DS. I love having ahouse full and my husband is no help he jokes all the time that he wants to keep me "barefoot and pregnant" but I am not so sure he is joking. If we had the space and the money I turly do not know when I would be DONE. I secertly think that the oldest step-son who has serious mommy issues will grace me with a grandchild well before he should and I am going to be one of those parents who has no problem raising the child.


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## caedmyn (Jan 13, 2006)

We'll see. I always wanted a large family (like 6 kids) but thought all during my pregnancy with DS1 that I would have one more and then be DONE (it was a miserable pregnancy and he was a miserable baby/toddler/etc). Nearly as soon as he was born though I wanted one more (might have had something to do with the fact that DH was saying he was done). All through my pregnancy with DS2 I was thinking I was done. As soon as he was born I knew I wanted one more (might have had a lot to do with the fact that I wanted another girl). Right now I am 13 weeks pregnant with #4 and I feel very, very done. I really have no desire to ever go through morning sickness again. The thought of dealing again with months of serious sleep deprivation and then nursing for a long time on a very restricted diet due to nursling food intolerances as I have done every time is...frightening to say the least. I suspect that if this baby is a boy I will still want another...but I do not see being able to cope with another child. I don't know how I'll cope with this one. As a PP said, my boys are VERY children, especially DS1. I call him my extreme child. They're exhausting in every way. At this point I am at peace with DH getting a V which I never have been before (in fact at this point I'll really be pushing for it), but we'll see how I feel after baby is born. I think I will be perfectly content with my four if this one is a girl.


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## ilovemygirl (Sep 8, 2008)

It's never going away for me but that has a lot to do with it not being my choice. It's a miracle I even have dd given our fertility issues. She's an absolutely amazing kid and it makes me long for another child so badly but after ten years of ttc I'm finally slowly trying to accept that it's over for us.

I think this is like everything else in life .. it's very individual. I know women in real life on both sides of this. A few that could keep having more like the Duggars and a few that are so done the thought of another is terrifying for them.

Maybe something that helps is that when the kids get older it does get harder to imagine going through babyhood again. I still dream of it but now that dd is kindy age there is a slight hesitation I didn't have before. I wonder if I really want to go through crying and tantrums and potty training again.


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## Triniity (Jul 15, 2007)

I am still longing for a fourth baby, although I am not in a nice place at the moment and my DH thinks I am totally mad. But I always dreamed of four children. And this is while I am not that much into birth and I don't especially like the newborn time. But I love children.

than - two ADHD and one high-need baby. I think the odds for finally a little calm one are not that high ... still... I am not totally done ...


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

Not for me. I only have two and because DH and I couldn't agree on the circ issue, we decided not to try for a third. By the time DH agreed to NOT circ, I felt it was too late and I was not in the same place. But I still long for another baby, almost every day.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

Yes, it does. Or did for me. I have 3, ages 6 , 4 & 4. After my twins were born I knew we were done, and I was sad about that. Totally overwhelmed with parenting but so sad at each step--this is the last time I'll be pregnant, the last time baby takes their first step, says "mama" for the first time, and so on.

I did mourn it. But by the time my little ones were 3 and out of diapers, life really started getting easier for me. I could go out at night with friends more, spend more time on doing the things I loved before becoming a parent. I'm starting to feel like I'm a person who happens to be a parent, instead of a parent who is allegedly also a person. Maybe that description is a little harsh, but when my kids were babies and toddlers that was my whole life and it was very hard to do anything for me. Now that I'm starting to come out of that I'm feeling better, more like myself, and I no longer have the slightest jealousy about pregnant women and babies. I didn't think I'd get there but it does feel good!


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## Cujobunny (Aug 16, 2006)

For me it did.

After our first 2, dh was happy to be done, but I was still feeling like there was one more baby that needed to be born from me. Even though I was enjoying a lot of freedom once our second was out of babyhood and I started to think that maybe yeah, I might be ok with being done after 2, we hummed and hawed a little too long about a permanent approach to birth control and BAM- preggo with #3. I never had more mixed emotions in my life. I was so totally freaked out about how am I going to manage THREE children and how are the older 2 going to feel about getting less of me, my DH basically said get over it, you love babies, you know you're going to be happy about this so you might as well start being happy now LOL. He was right, our family is now complete. I am totally done, my three are a handful and a half but my life is full and I can't imagine it any other way. I don't even gush about babies at this point, I look at pregnant moms or new moms and think 'wow she must be tired'. I love pregnancy though, and childbirth and babies, and I totally adore the three I have, I just don't want any more KIDS.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i had only one, now i am in menopause but i still mourn the other children i did not have.

i had a fantastic pregnancy, i loved my baby inspite of the challenges.

i still feel the tinge sometimes.


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and input. It is really making me feel better about all of this to hear how different women cope with the feeling.

I think for me it's boiling down to what my DH really wants/needs. He is such a wonderful, wonderful father and partner to me. I feel like pushing the envelope when everything is going so well is a mistake. Having kids is awesome, totally, but we all know how challenging it can be. Right now, when things get really tough, I have a super happy and committed partner by my side, helping me to cope and push through with as much grace as possible. If I strong arm this man into another...am I going to trade in my happy partner for a really resentful one on those super tough days? I feel like the answer is yes.

I had a vision that really knocked me off my feet. I was in that half awake, half asleep place, laying in bed...and I had the most wonderful images flashing in my mind. Images of my children (a few years older, so, like, 7 5.5 and 3) dancing around in our woods and hugging and laughing and running. They were so happy. I saw my husband and me hugging and laughing, so happy. Then a kind, but very stern, voice started saying "Be at peace with the children you have. Do not have more. You will not have the happiness, abundance and peace in these visions before you if you have another baby".

Now, I'm not really a "sky-god" believer, but I'm deeply spiritual and believe in listening to my inner voice. But I'm really good at listening to my inner voice and, so, my inner voice has never had to disguise itself as anything else. So it's completely weird to me and kind of shook me to experience such a real, intense and ominous vision. I'm trying to focus on the wonderful images I saw, how happy and strong my family looked...instead of on the words that were spoken to me...but they come as a package deal I guess.

Some people have told me that they think the vision was(some version of) God speaking to me. Some people have told me they think it's my inner voice, trying to tell me what I know is true deep down inside. Some people have said they would ignore it, because it's just me trying to convince myself that I need to be done "or else" so that I have an excuse to pin my feelings of resentment on since I cannot really fault my husband for wanting to be done after giving me three beautiful children and being such a great dad to them all.

I don't know what to feel about it, but I cannot stress how "real" this was. I've never heard a voice that sounded like this one...it was just so calming and peaceful. I rose from bed, after the vision, absolutely overwhelmed with emotions and totally totally convinced that another child is NOT going to happen. As I get further and further from that vision and forget that feeling I had...doubt about the vision creeps in.

I don't know. Maybe that just sounds crazy. I think maybe I feel guilty for not being able tp put this feeling to bed...I feel shame, like I'm not honoring the amazing blessings in my life because I'm selfishly focusing on "more more more" instead of appreciating what I have. I don't know. This is such an emotionally charged issue.

Is it better to stop while one spouse has what he considers to be "enough" and the other is busy as hell, but would like more?

My heart is full, my house is FULL, my hands are full...my schedule and brain are full...the only thing that is not full is my bank account (haha). If I know I'm never going to stop wanting more...well then I have to base my decision to stop on those other things...time, space, money, etc...right? And if I had to base the decision on those things alone, I really should be done now. The hurt of being done after "one more" is not going to be any less horrible than the loss and sadness I'm feeling now, right? So, maybe, deal with it now and just cope and look toward the future?

For those of you who care to answer: What would you make of a vision like that?


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

If I had had that vision, I would seriously think on it. Your emotions surrounding the vision or dream seem like they were really strong. So whether you believe it was a vision from god or your subconscious, it was definitely something more than just a normal dream, ya' know?


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *QueenOfTheMeadow*
> 
> If I had had that vision, I would seriously think on it. Your emotions surrounding the vision or dream seem like they were really strong. So whether you believe it was a vision from god or your subconscious, it was definitely something more than just a normal dream, ya' know?


Yeah, this is kind of what I'm thinking. It almost feels like my brain/logic center has been trying to tell me that moving on to the next phase of life would be the smartest thing to do...but my heart is like "no, no, come on...ONE more!!" and so my brain is like "okay, if you won't listen to the normal inner voice, maybe we'll scare you with a little 'vision from God' channel!" You know?

I NEVER blatantly disregard anything my inner voice tries to tell me...and everything in me is telling me not to disregard this message I've been given...everything, that is, except for my hearts burning desire to have another baby! But it's not like I have ONE kid and my husband is refusing me any more. It's not like I'm one of the women who tried and tried and could only manage two babies because of fertility issues...or like I have had terrible birth trauma or something else like that keeping me from trying again. It's just life stuff. I feel like I don't have a right to feel so badly about it or make it such a big deal. I've had three pretty perfect pregnancies, three completely perfect HBs (though, DD2's 15 minute birth was kind of traumatic!) and now have three really, really healthy, glowing babies. I almost feel shame for feeling that I even deserve more than that.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *BroodyWoodsgal*
> 
> Yeah, this is kind of what I'm thinking. It almost feels like my brain/logic center has been trying to tell me that moving on to the next phase of life would be the smartest thing to do...but my heart is like "no, no, come on...ONE more!!" and so my brain is like "okay, if you won't listen to the normal inner voice, maybe we'll scare you with a little 'vision from God' channel!" You know?
> 
> I NEVER blatantly disregard anything my inner voice tries to tell me...and everything in me is telling me not to disregard this message I've been given...everything, that is, except for my hearts burning desire to have another baby! But it's not like I have ONE kid and my husband is refusing me any more. It's not like I'm one of the women who tried and tried and could only manage two babies because of fertility issues...or like I have had terrible birth trauma or something else like that keeping me from trying again. It's just life stuff. I feel like I don't have a right to feel so badly about it or make it such a big deal. I've had three pretty perfect pregnancies, three completely perfect HBs (though, DD2's 15 minute birth was kind of traumatic!) and now have three really, really healthy, glowing babies. I almost feel shame for feeling that I even deserve more than that.










I totally remember that feeling! In my case, having one more would have increased my risk of having another bleed in my brain, and yet, I totally craved, against all logic, just one more!


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *QueenOfTheMeadow*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Geez lady!! That sounds so serious!! I'm so sorry you were faced with that level of intensity around deciding whether or not to try for more. That must be so difficult.









Thank you so much for posting...ALL OF YOU...it helps so much to type it out and have other people give feedback! New perspective helps one to achieve clarity, for sure, and in this case, it has helped me tremendously. Thank you thank you. I seriously feel so much better. Like it's normal, you know?


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

If I had a vision like that then I would try to accept it as what my subconscious was telling me was best. That's a pretty powerful vision.

After DS2 (my 4th) was born, I was done. I felt content, and didn't feel the pull to have any more babies. I didn't feel like anyone was missing, I felt like our family was complete.

Then, last fall, I became pregnant unexpectedly (while using birth control) and had an early loss. It totally rocked my world, and the peace I had felt was gone. Then in January another pregnancy, followed by another loss in February. I no longer felt like our family was complete, though I don't know if I was just reacting emotionally to the losses. I just felt like somebody was missing. I'm now pregnant again, expecting #5 in January. I don't know if that feeling of completion will come back after this baby is born or not. DH just thinks that I will go broody every 1.5-2 years no matter what.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

you know i am curious what life has in store for you. that vision i would hardly call logic ya know.

but you have both sides living in you. would life hand you a 4th? perhaps in some other way. i am curious what happens in the next couple of years or so.

coz after a vision like that and the aftereffects you'd expect your heart to comply.

but it hasnt. that makes me curious.

perhaps you have some baby adventure ahead of you at some time  possibly in ways now unimaginable.


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

For me it went away after my second was born. Of course, I always knew I only wanted 2 children. They're 10 and 8 years old now, so there isn't a chance I'd consider having another at this point. I'm working on a couple master's degrees and ready to get my career started!


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *broodymama*
> 
> If I had a vision like that then I would try to accept it as what my subconscious was telling me was best. That's a pretty powerful vision.
> 
> ...


@bolded: Hahah why do you think my screen name is what it is?? I'm a broody chick...stubborn as a broody hen, too! I just want BABIES!

See that's the thing...I DO feel that someone is missing. I list all my children and feel like someone is missing. I even find myself saying in my head "Oh my god, where is...." but all my kids are there, in the room with me...and though I feel like someone is lost, I can't say the name. I don't know the name yet. I think it is a boy...I SWEAR it feels so real...maybe it's not.


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *meemee*
> 
> you know i am curious what life has in store for you. that vision i would hardly call logic ya know.
> 
> ...


I am also curious. Life is so great in the way it unfolds in front of us. We cannot fathom the reality we will be living in in the future..but then, it always comes and envelopes us and it's only in moments of real clarity that we can fully comprehend the awesomeness of the present moment, of what life has delivered us to that we could never have imagined was coming. If you had told me exactly 4.5 years ago that in this moment I would be sitting in my home, on my little homestead with three kids ages four and under...I would have fallen straight over onto the ground! I never could have imagined this life into being...it just becomes, one step at a time, what it is going to be. I know the future is coming...but that's all I know about it. It will come and it will bring things to me that I cannot see now. That's really exciting! When I focus on that feeling, it doesn't feel sad to me to consider not having another.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *BroodyWoodsgal*
> 
> @bolded: Hahah why do you think my screen name is what it is?? I'm a broody chick...stubborn as a broody hen, too! I just want BABIES!
> 
> See that's the thing...I DO feel that someone is missing. I list all my children and feel like someone is missing. I even find myself saying in my head "Oh my god, where is...." but all my kids are there, in the room with me...and though I feel like someone is lost, I can't say the name. I don't know the name yet. I think it is a boy...I SWEAR it feels so real...maybe it's not.


LOL, that's why I changed to this screen name too! It's not just my chickens, it's me.









OK, if you feel like someone is missing, then I would think there probably is. We had only "planned" on having two, but here we are. I felt that missing child feeling very strongly between my losses and getting pregnant with this one.

Of course, I did mention to DH a couple weeks ago that the kids pair off so nicely with the even numbers so 6 might be good. He just looked at me like







and said "we're not even done with number FIVE yet!"


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

I really don't know what to make of your "vision." My first reaction is to listen to it, that's your conscience/inner voice talking. But it could also be your decision-making mechanism testing you to see how upset you are by what you saw. Are you devastated that your voice told you not to have more kids? Do you feel comfortable with that? I think that, as unsettling as such a vivid vision can be, you have to let it sit with you for awhile to see what it really was about.

Of course, I've been hoping for something like that to happen to me, b/c I think I must be crazy for thinking about adding a third when our second just got here and there are days when I have a hard time being patient with just one. So, take grain(s) of salt as needed. ;-)


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

You know, when my kids got to the age when they were able to wipe their own bottoms, buckle their own seat belts, fix their own snacks and wait for more than 5 minutes for me to finish, that longing went away. I'm reveling in having competent kids who can talk intelligently about things like politics and world events.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

There is something so miraculous about having a baby, that makes any rational person want to do it again and again, like some kind of powerful spiritual experience, or a connection with Gd (or your word for that experience). Its the high of drugs that turn people into addicts. At the same time, having a baby, is a fundamentally irrational thing to do, no matter what the circumstances, if putting someone elses needs before your own is irrational.

Having a baby is just plain amazing, and yet completely exhausting and all consuming. Being part of the growth and development of a child, is exciting, watching them grow and discovering who they are, intoxicating.

But maybe all of that is just natures way of tricking us into reproducing. Men get the instant orgasm, women get the above (men get some of it too)

I have 3 now, and dont think i will plan for more. I longed for this third baby for over a year. I know that feeling of a sensing a lingering soul waiting to join my family-the heartbreak of accepting she may never come, and then having her join us after all.

But some part of me will probably always want another baby. I guess thats why its nice to have grandchildren.

On the other hand, its also very nice to get around with older kids and see the world through their eyes, without younger children in tow. Sooo much easier.

I am a spiritual person, and see all of this as a kind of long drawn out prayer, and direct conversation with Gd. A pregnant woman is very close to Gd int he creation of a new human being. On the other hand, i cant help thinking sometimes that we are tricked by nature into this crazy world of reproduction and child rearing. There are a whole lot of hormones at play in the pregnancy/birth/young baby/child world, and its understandable that there is a reflex to do it again when the time comes.


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## Marilyn82 (Jan 26, 2005)

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure I was cut out to have kids in the first place. I love and adore my children, but sometimes I just don't think I should have procreated lol.

I want another GIRL, but that is a risky game, eh? I have one DS who will be 9 tomorrow, and he is a sweet boy but has ADHD and it has been extremely trying for me. Truth be told, I don't feel like I'm the best parent to him and therefore have no business having any more. I have a DD who is 22 months and I work full time and am worn thin. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with my third (suprise!), which is another boy.

I love the middle part of pregnancy, with the excitement and sweet baby kicks and whatnot but I don't think I can take morning sickness one more time. I just can't. I also have had difficult birth experiences thus far and really just don't want to go there again. I love nursing and love babies and toddlers and I have SO much fun with my baby girl (hence wanting another girl. I'm just better at tea parties and princesses/fairies than sword fighting, legos, and wresting...I know, I know gender stereotypes but it's just been my experience so far), but when they get older, it gets harder for me.

I've come to some realizations about myself, as a parent and as a person. I realize that I am just not very energetic. I'm responsible and duty-driven, but I'm not great at playing with my kids and being creative as a parent (my creativity is limited to practical problem solving - so exciting I know - and I LOVE to write, poetry mostly). I have a difficult time after they get through the preschool years, or at least that is how it's been with my DS. It's going to take every ounce of me to raise the children that I have, I don't think I will live through raising another. Oh and we can't afford another one, no way.

After my DD was born, I felt like I wanted another "someday" but my DH was D O N E. Now we have this little surprise blessing and although I feel that there may be times where I have that wistful longing, I am so glad I never have to have morning sickness or worry about my pregnancy weight gain (constant battle for me, I always gain a TON and just completely lose my will to fight it) again. I'm excited to move on to that next phase. In a few years my kids will be older, I'll have my body back to myself and hopefully I can salvage it lol. I'll be able to sleep at night and have a social life and heck maybe even a normal sex life again. I *think* I'm going to be done for real, and at peace with it.


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

Well I'm pretty sure I'll ways wish for one more because DH is pretty set on being done with the 2 we have. I certainly don't want to have another child with someone who doesn't want another one. He feels like he can't give anymore of himself to another child, and he works a lot, so he wants to be able to spend as much time with the children we do have. We have sat down and weighed the pros and cons of having another, and we decided it would be best for the relationship and for our family to be done. If I was married to someone who wanted 3 or 4 kids though, I'd probably be on board with it. I think there's pros and cons to having multiple kids, but I feel like in order to preserve the sanctity of our marriage and our family the size it is now, we should probably be done. Pregnancy sort of sucked for me the first time, but the second time was much better, and my second child was much easier and is still easy. So that probably doesn't help me feel done  We've also had our ups and downs in our marriage, and I think adding another child to the mix would just be adding fuel to the fire. I don't know. If it happens I'm sure I'll be excited, but I know I'll be nervous and freaked out too, and I think DH would be the same way. I love holding a squishy newborn though, and labor and birth was much more bearable the second time around, so I would be okay with going through that again Oh and I also had natural no drug births at a birth center with a midwives. No "wishing I could do things differently," in that respect.


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## pattimomma (Jul 17, 2009)

I keep wondering when I will feel done too. We have 5 children. 15 yrs, 12 yrs, 9 yrs, 5 yrs and 15.5 months. We are planning to have another and I already wonder if I am going going to want a 7th LOL! My kids asked when would I stop having babies and my husband replied if your mother could have babies forever then that is what she would do.


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## Kuba'sMama (Oct 8, 2004)

I feel done. After my second I still had that "one more" feeling. Then my dd was born and I felt complete. She was the perfect baby of the family, sweet and cuddly and spoiled lol. Then I got pregnant with a surprise 4th and was NOT happy. Cried most of my pregnancy at night. I wanted to go to school and start working after she went to school. I will still do it, but now it all moved forward yet again. I had my kids young and have been a SAHM for over 9 years now. I'm ready to do something for myself now. I love my ds2 of course (he's almost 3 weeks). But I know I am done


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