# almost 4 y.o. son ...still not going



## kittycat1 (Jun 19, 2015)

I recently posted about our three year old not being potty trained. Well now he is almost 4. Not even peeing in the potty. Tried everything, books, songs, DvDs, treats, stickers, picking out his own potty, putting his favorite stuffed animal on it and saying he goes etc. Nothing. He is an only child and plus no male in the house it's a loss. He is on the biggest and last size of diapers. Preschools now won't take him because he isn't trained yet he needs other boys to show him. This is impossable. Help.


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## MylittleTiger (Apr 19, 2010)

First, I assume that your son has no developmental delays that might be hindering him, or medical reasons such as constipation. I will share the advice my doctor gave me when my son was almost 4 and still not potty trained. They will do it when they're ready and not before. My son was a month or 2 past his 4th birthday when he decided he was going to start using the toilet. It took 2 days before he was completely potty trained.

Regarding daycare, can they take him on a trial basis for a few week with him not been potty trained? If he sees his peers wearing big boy pants and using the potty, that might get him going. There are many stories of an untrained child going to daycare and seeing the other kids not wearing diapers, only to decide that they too are going to like the other kids. Ask your daycare if they are open to helping in this way.

Maybe not having a male in the house is such a huge problem here. Women use the toilet too, and most little boys I've known sit to go at first. There are male dolls who stand up and pee if you feel that would help, as well as child sized urinals. Is there a close male friend who would be comfortable visiting and allowing your son to see him use the toilet?

Another trick I've read about is cutting a hole in the diaper/pullup. Perhaps he still needs the security of the diaper and cutting a hole can give him the ability to keep it on while still eliminating in the appropriate place.

Does he wet the diaper when you're out and about or is it just at home?

Some other ideas - Is there a favourite activity that your son enjoys? Perhaps let him know the next time you're going to do it that you can only wear big boy pants for this activity, that it's not a diaper activity. How do you change him when he's soiled himself? A friend of mine started rinsing her daughter off in the bath using the portable shower attachment because she loved the pampering and routine of getting her diaper changed. It wasn't cold water. It took 6 rinses over the course of a day before her little girl started using the potty. She said the rinsing took too long because of course she had to be soaped and rinsed and dried every time. (This was a 3 1/2 year old who wasn't terrified of water, there were no tears, and I would certainly never advocate using cold water or using it as a torture to force potty training).

I read this idea on a parenting site -


> The problem was that we were convinced that potty training was somehow the achievement of the parents! And of course this is not the case. Learning to use the toilet is, in a way, the first important thing thing your child is DECIDING to do. My advice is to let them decide. Do what we did: sit your child down, tell them that you love them and trust them and that you know they'll start using the toilet when they're ready. Tell your child that you're not going to bother them about it anymore, and then stick to your words. Our experience was clear: five days after the aforementioned conversation, my son decided to start using the toilet, and he never looked back.


If your son is healthy and happy then perhaps all he needs is to do things at his own pace. Perhaps he feels the pressure of having to do this thing and he's not comfortable with it? There are so many variables here, but this is NOT his fault and it is NOT yours either. Some kids take longer than others and this is not a reflection on you, your partner, or your son. Sometimes we feel pressure from society to potty train at the 'right' time, like there's something wrong with us if we haven't got our 2 year old using the potty every single time they need to go. Maybe it's time to let go of the expectations you might have set for yourselves.

Also, there is a great book out there that people have been raving about . It's called Oh Crap! by Jamie Glowacki. I haven't read it myself but it seems to be the go to book these days for potty training.

Good luck!


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## MLSP92 (Jul 7, 2016)

MylittleTiger said:


> Also, there is a great book out there that people have been raving about . It's called Oh Crap! by Jamie Glowacki. I haven't read it myself but it seems to be the go to book these days for potty training.
> 
> Good luck!


I've just started to read this myself since I plan on starting potty training next week.
I will say this, the author is very much pro early start and kinda bashes late bloomers.
However, they still cover methods for late bloomers with what i would call a mildly judgmental tone.
But you know it's almost 99% impossible to find an author who doesn't get judge-y to some degree over something.

I find that it's a great resource. I got it for like $11 on Amazon and even though I haven't finished it yet, I'm recommend it in a heartbeat to anyone in any stage of potty training.


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