# What do other moms do with their kids that you can't stand doing with yours?



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I don't like to play little make believe games. I just can't stand that kind of thing. I do sometimes play board games but really, in general, I'm not into playing.

I do cook with my kids, read to my kids frequently, and have my kids "clean" along side me (like washing cups in the sink while I'm working in the kitchen.) I spend a lot of time with them, but pretending to be a dragon isn't something I really can do.

What is there that you aren't into doing that you hear other moms talk about or see other moms do?


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I can't do the endless make-believe. I couldn't do it when I was a kid. When my daughter was very small, it made me nuts because she wanted to control every aspect of the "make-believe" and act out the same thirty second snippet of pretend OVER and OVER. It would almost make me angry, I just...it's not for me.

I can play board games, card games, do crafts, cook together, ANYTHING except make-believe.


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

Hide and seek. Hate it as an adult. Not enough hiding spaces for me, I guess?


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## crunchymama19 (Apr 9, 2011)

I am not into playing either. I don't know why but I just can't do it without going batty. I can read to them, do crafts, cook or garden with them, paint, even hide and seek and soccer and tag, but when it comes to playing "house" or princesses or whatever else I tolerate it for about 5 minutes. Glad I am not the only one who is like this. At least a lot of studies have shown that NOT entertaining your kids every minute is a good thing!


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

Ha! I'm playing hide and seek right now!







I just take my phone or book with me...she's kinda slow at seeking. I hate pretend with my 5yo too. It always deteriorates quickly into her yelling at me that I'm not doing it right, so I try to redirect her to the older kids. They still think it's cute when she plays "dictator".


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## dbsam (Mar 3, 2007)

I do not like going to water parks. (Which is why my husband just left with the kids to go to the water park.)

I know moms, including my sister, who go to the water park a couple of times/week with their children and spend the entire day. I just cannot do it. I can force myself to go for a couple hours on a potentially rainy day when there are few people, it is not really hot, etc.

I am not good at pretending, acting goofy, or Nerf gun wars either...but my husband is. Luckily he enjoys the things I do not...and vice versa.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Oh, that reminds me. Miniature golf! I am OK with water parks, but I feel like my brain is going to wither away and fall out my ears at a mini golf place. I can't stand doing mini golf.


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

I ditto the playing pretend thing. I can dress up the dolls, comb their hair and then after that I am out.

I guess I am in the weirdo camp in that cooking with my little one makes me batty, too. I think I must be a control freak in the kitchen and that combined with her poor listening skills and impulsivity plus need to run the show and I'm usually the one melting down!


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## Grover (Dec 16, 2009)

I love playing pretend! Hiding....reading...chasing....playing games generally. But I can't stand getting super physical. Can't STAND it when LO climbs up me pretending I'm a mountain, or literally leaps on me when I'm sitting down and tries to ride my head like a horse! ARGH!

She gets this type of play through her Dad (such a typical stereotyped divide, ah well)...though usually I have to leave the vicinity subtly as I don't like her balancing/climbing precariously looking like she's about to fall and crack her head open like an egg. So two probs: 1. Get OFF me...I'm not play equipment. 2. Oh god, oh god...don't HURT yourself!!!!

Everything else, cool.


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

I also dont like rough physical play. I've noticed that if i start engaging with my 2-year-old DD physically (like dancing) it will escalate into trying to climb on me or accidentally stepping on me, pulling my hair, things like that. I just cant tolerate it. So physical play is kept to a minimum between her and i but she gets a lot of that with her dad.

I actually like make-believe games, i'm a great story teller so it comes naturally to me. If it gets repetitive i lose interest, though.


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## CMSmommy (Jul 6, 2013)

I hate going to the zoo. A lot of moms I know have zoo memberships and they go all the time and I just don't get it. It's crowded (unless it's really cold or rainy), most of the animals are hiding so you can barely even see them, and one time after a zoo trip DH said "You know, we just spent the day looking at prisoners." and I've never been able to think of a zoo the same way.


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## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

The park.... 4,000 time has lost its charm.

The zoo...loathe it.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

I am soooooo not into pretend play. Even as a kid, I wasn't. I hate rough play, too. I will happily play outside, read, do art...but don't ask me to play fairies!


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## skoechner (Sep 21, 2012)

Following them around the park yelling "good job!!!!!!!" Ack.


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *skoechner*
> 
> Following them around the park yelling "good job!!!!!!!" Ack.


People do that? It sounds hellish.

I love the park because I can mostly sit on a bench, or stand someplace, and the kids can run all over the fenced playground without needing me to be on top of them and make sure they stay out of traffic.


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## SharonAnne (Jul 12, 2004)

The beach. OMG I cannot stand bringing my kids to the beach. When I go to the beach, I want to jump in the waves, then lie on my chair under an umbrella for a couple hours, reading a book or magazine and sipping on something fruity. Not constantly scanning to make sure I can see both of them, not only going in up to my ankles because the little one is afraid of the waves and not, not, NOT!!!! playing in the sand! I HATE playing in the sand. Even without actually playing in it, I get sand in places my husband hasn't even seen, forget about what happens when I actively build a sand castle.


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## vermontgirl (Aug 15, 2006)

This may not be the most popular answer, but I really don't play with my kids. I can't play with cars or legos, I hate playing dolls...dressup I can maybe tolerate for short periods of time. I do spend time with my children doing things that we all enjoy like cooking together, coloring together, reading together, board games, walking, sports...when it comes to playing with toys I just tell them that playing with toys is their job and that I am not into it. I think it is appropriate for them to understand that what is fun for one person isn't fun for another and that sometimes I have grownup things to do. I came to this conclusion when my oldest child was two and wanted me to play with cars. I used to sit on the floor running them along the floor and I hated it! In his world something wonderfully imaginitive was happening when he ran the car along the floor, but in my world nothing was. I eventually just stopped pretending and told them no thanks!


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## DelawareMom (May 21, 2008)

Oh my goodness, I am soooo relieved! My brain immediately shuts down when my 5yo DD starts with the "Hey Mom, pretend I'm your second baby and I just ate some apples but I don't really like apples and you want me to be a kitty and then you turn into a mean dog..." You get the idea. I have a hard time following the script and then she gets mad. No fun. We like to do lots of other stuff together, though. Cook, swim, go for long walks, read. Just no princess mermaid fairies, please.


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## Greenlea (Apr 21, 2010)

Yes! I can't stand the beach and sand and all that. I really don't like to swim either so luckily my DH loves taking the boys to the pool. I do like taking them to the spray park - because I can sit back and watch them play in the water. I don't like rough play either. I get hurt, and then I get angry, and it never ends well. But again, my DH loves wrestling with the boys so they get plenty of that.


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## aidenn (Jun 25, 2010)

I love these confession threads. I feel so connected to other moms who struggle with these things too!

I don't mind the zoo or the amusement and/or water parks. I don't mind cooking or baking or running around outside kicking a ball (unless there are mosquitoes). I love road trips (and yes, even long car and plane rides!), and painting and doing crafts is probably my biggest joy to do with my kids.

*However,* I intensely dislike the following:


*Playing pretend.* It's been mentioned here a lot, and I agree with all of it and for all the same reasons that have been mentioned!
*Attending their extracurriculars or friends' birthday parties*. I don't want to sit on a bench and listen to a bunch of hens go on about this or that, and I don't want to make fake small talk. Give me a book or knitting, or better yet, tell me what time I should come back to pick my kids up.
*The beach*. PP mentioned it and I completely agree. I LOVE the beach, just not wading into my ankles, picking up my scared middle child out of the waves, ensuring the baby doesn't burn, dragging all the beach toys up and down the boardwalk to the sand only to find out that the toy/sandwich/sippy they NEED is still in the stupid car.
*Walking through/near the toy section at Target*. Oh yeah, it starts out cute and I think, wow, I will have a big list of suggestions to give to Oma when they ask what the kids want, but then it devolves into the gimmes, the whining, the tugging, the sibling squabbles, the "you don't love me because we don't have XYZ" conversations. And they are GREAT kids other than that, but god forbid you need to kill time at Target and come within 50 meters of the toy aisle.


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## toshiafrank (May 14, 2013)

I can't stand the make believe play either. I can, however, play legos all day. Well until my son decides it's time to blow everything into a zillion pieces all over the house. I do love art and cooking with my son and niece. My son hates art though so we generally stick to legos, reading and cooking for fun.


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## Chaika (Jan 30, 2011)

I don't like singing. I used to like it, was even in chorus/choir through my first year of college, but then I went to theater school and realized I wasn't very good at it. Since then, I just get frustrated when I hear my own singing voice. It's a bit irrational because my son loves to hear me sing and obviously isn't judging my voice, but I still don't like it. So I sing one song to him at bedtime, then hum for a while (I don't mind humming). The other day I was hanging out with my sister at an outside cafe and called my husband to check on them...he was about to put our son to bed and asked me to sing over the phone! He thought it would be funny. I wish I could have embraced my crazy side and done it, but I just couldn't!


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## mausimom (Jun 19, 2013)

Board games are a tough one for me. Never liked them.

Love to cook with my kids and spent YEARS telling them a continuous story I made up

about a talking pretzel...


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

I really cant tolerate hide and seek. Detested it as a child too. I found it boring waiting in my hiding place, and found it boring looking for the one who was hiding...still do now.


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Water parks. Do I want to take a bath with 1500 other people? No. No I do not.

The park. "Watch me!" "Look at me!" "Loook looook, I'm doing the monkey bars for the 80 millionthy time!!"

I like Lego, playdough, coloring, painting, video games (not mine craft, I just don't get it), going to their sports, almost everything. Just please don't make me watch you swing or go to a water park.


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## Judi Edison (Jul 8, 2013)

I really can't stand to play with mine either and have heard many upset by those that don't enjoy it. It is especially difficult when with another mother who appears more involved than you and actually seems to like it!


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## grisandole (Jan 11, 2002)

I'm with you! I interact with my kids, but I don't "play" with them. I will do board games or wii, sometimes.

I don't play pretend or hide and seek or do arts or crafts (I have always hated crafts, even as a child). I will not go to water parks, and I don't think I'll go to an amusement park anytime in the near future, unless it is free and not crowded. I cannot stand most kids movies and won't watch them (other family members take ds2 to the movies). Despite this, my kids do have fun


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## RedwoodTreefrog (Jul 8, 2013)

I love hearing my kids play. I could listen to that forever. But I lack the imagination to play like they want me to. They always say I'm doing it wrong, and I can't connect with them that way like they can with each other, so naturally. I really wish I could and I've tried, but even my kids don't enjoy it with me after awhile. So we do other things together that work out, like cooking and crafts, reading books, park time and swimming. I'm sure grateful for this thread, because I've always felt super guilty that I couldn't play well, especially since I have sisters who are just amazing at it.


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## mochamamma (Feb 21, 2008)

I am happy to dress dolls and do their hair. But I am NOT happy to give them voices and play pretend in that way. I am happy to set up a doll house, build with LEGOS, create a doll-sized environment with things found around the house or outside, but once my lil gal wants to start "play-acting" with the dolls. I'm done.


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## newmamalizzy (Jul 23, 2010)

Playdough and drawing. I might hate those things even more than playing, which I also hate. Except for the game where I play an overly obnoxious baby. That one's kind of fun.


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## mama amie (Jul 3, 2011)

I don't enjoy pretend/ fantasy acting with puppets, or dolls. I was great as a kid, but I am not there now.

I enjoy Legos, blocks, play dough, and anything where we can be close yet autonomous.

I sometimes enjoy a tickle/wrestle match, but have avoided it for a couple of years while younger child was so small. She's 2 now, so they often wrestle together and I just keep the safety.

I lose my mind with the "watch this" and "look at me" stuff most of the time.

I do not care for playing with cars or mini skateboards.

I loathe hide and seek, especially at this age. When he's old enough to figure out how to hide well, and in a different spot each time, I might feel differently.


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## myra1 (Jan 20, 2013)

These replies are hilarious! I cant stand the pretend play either. My mom was a SAHM former preschool teacher and would play with me a ton, so I was a bit spoiled and always thought my grandma was so mean because she flatly refused and would only take me on educational outings of her choice.
Now I understand though, and I think it's more respectful to just be honest about what you're not into instead of playing with gritted teeth! I will agree to play for just a few minutes and suggest something else.
Also love camping with older kids, but with baby/preschoolers it is too much work and worry to be enjoyable for me.


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## CupOfJoe (May 20, 2013)

@rfll Love Louis CK! He's a Mexi-Jew just like me 

I'm also pregnant with our first (and second) but since I've been working as a babysitter or nanny in some capacity since I was 12 I guess I can handle "playing" better than most -- though I can't say I enjoy it all the time. I hate Legos, they are so FIDDLY! I think it's good for kids to know that not everything is interesting to everyone -- well, except when I'm getting paid to pretend I'm interested









I've already told my husband that if our kids want to go to Amusement Parks or Zoos that will be 100% on him because I refuse to do either.


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## purplerose (Dec 27, 2010)

nak...pretend, dressing barbies, and coloring. hatehatehate.


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## FlintDoula (Feb 11, 2013)

I love playing cars with my boy but I cannot do the barbie doll/my little pony make believe. I guess because making car sounds is easy and you don't have to think up anything. I just cannot fallow my little girls train of thought when it comes to what she wants her barbies to say and do.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i actually enjoyed pretend play. it kept the sanity in the house and had dd eat if i had a conversation with her myriad of pretend animals at the dinner table. thankfully i didnt have to set a place setting for them - sometimes there was a huge herd of them - and i actually found her game very funny. pretend play made parenting sooooooooo much easier. grocery shopping would end in tantrums if i tried to leave with a child. but if i left with a puppy on a pretend leash, the puppy crawled on happily.

of course though i HATED it when the puppy licked me. alas the more i hated it the more the toddler got a kick out of it.

ugh. i hated reading. to. my. child.







i am the bad mother who has been known to offer only those books to her child at the library that evil mother was willing to read. seriously i have had to read them so often that i have a virtual library in my head where i can remember tonnes of books i read to her. board books and picture books. i can identify shakespearan quotes as much as iza trapani quotes. i could write a thesis on Dr. Seuss books. i know every one of them.

but as she got older one of our favourite things to do is share favourite passages from our books. even better is read together silently both reading the same book - two copies. we have enjoyed mocking bird and the help together.

ugh. arts and crafts. dd did them mostly by herself. i'd help her but not do them with her. there was no mama's craft and baby's craft. there was baby's craft done with mama's help.

the top one was being home with dd from age 1 to age 2. rather being tied to the house with a high energy child. we spent more time outdoors - on walks or parks or grocery store. the days where i had to stay home for whatever reason was a nightmare for me.


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## egleason (Jul 10, 2013)

I love pretend play, playing with legos or other things like it, coloring, crafting, reading, going to parks (nature parks and the ones with the playgrounds) and zoos, camping (which I wish we did more often), and sometimes cooking with him if it doesn't involve a lot of cutting (my oldest is only 2).

Play dough, amusement parks, water parks, beaches, pools, lakes, sports, playing with cars, and reading the same book 20 times are things I don't like. Water things might get better, but right now they aren't relaxing. I have to keep constant watch or hold one of them and it's just more stress than fun. Water fun for me is sitting in an inner tube and closing my eyes and relaxing or wading up a stream.


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## revolting (Sep 10, 2010)

Pretend play with a lot of micromanaging. I like playing if I have a bit of freedom, and I often tell my daughter that I will only play if she won't boss.

Shopping with my kids, especially the oldest.


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## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

I'm trying really hard to make my kid into a responsible adult, so I want him to put his laundry away, etc. But Oh. My. God. I love him, but he's such a scatterbrain and it takes him a gajillion hours to fold three shirts. He knows how to do it and can do it, he just gets distracted by a million things. So doing chores side-by-side with him is something I really, really struggle with, even though I want him to learn that running a house takes a bit of work.

I can't do the pretend play much either, especially since it usually involves really specific story lines in his own head, as someone else I think mentioned. He gets salty when I can't follow his story lines, and I get annoyed by being bossed around by a five-year-old.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *GISDiva*
> 
> I'm trying really hard to make my kid into a responsible adult, so I want him to put his laundry away, etc. But Oh. My. God. I love him, but he's such a scatterbrain and it takes him a gajillion hours to fold three shirts. He knows how to do it and can do it, he just gets distracted by a million things. So doing chores side-by-side with him is something I really, really struggle with, even though I want him to learn that running a house takes a bit of work.


mama he is just 5 years old. he still has a LOT of time to learn.

i think children that age ARE scatterbrained. and when they hit puberty OMG even worse. hormones do a number on their memory.

i did not insist with chores too much with dd doing them side by side. that would have driven me CRAZY.

instead i give her a day to do her 'chores' which she kinda liked doing. starting the laundry and then putting them away.

doing the dishes. setting the table.

i was never involved in her chores.

however i was involved in the cooking. dd loves the independence of cooking and has been cooking full but simple dinners since she was 5. even now she does it. i'd be there for guidance and cutting stuff she struggled with like onions.

i dont use chores as a sign of responsible adult. i dont expect dd to do stuff. but i make a request since we are a single family and she does have the right to say no. however she never says no but chooses a different time.

dd instead shows me responsiblity by following boundaries. she calls me if she is going to be late coming home from playdate. or coming home from school.

now that she is 10 i verbalize how much i hate doing housework but i like a clean house so i do it. i want her to learn its not a pleasant experience for me either but it has to be done.


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## One Art (Nov 9, 2005)

Love this thread. I like doing things with my kids, but not playing. I don't like playing pretend or playing on the ground with them... sometimes board games are ok, but often I get antsy and want to get up and do something. I like camping and hiking and ice skating with them, but can't stand the pool (germ phobias). And I love reading to them, but really don't like watching movies with them (this may get better as they get older though?). And while I love the idea of cooking with them, the reality is not so fun and I tend to avoid it!

And last but not least... I really detest birthday parties. The work and consumerism is too much and although I always marveled at the creative do-it-yourself ideas in Mothering Mag, they always involved way more work than I was willing to invest. DD1 turns 10 next month and I told her that reaching the double digits means no more birthday parties. A fun activity is a fine substitute IMO.


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## newmamalizzy (Jul 23, 2010)

Funny, I realized today how much I love watching my DD do the type of play that I hate doing with her. I could watch her play for hours, as a fly in the wall.


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## dbsam (Mar 3, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *newmamalizzy*
> 
> Funny, I realized today how much I love watching my DD do the type of play that I hate doing with her. I could watch her play for hours, as a fly in the wall.


I enjoy watching, and listening, too. I love hearing them play when they do not realize I can hear.

I realized after reading all these posts how many things I do not do with my children. Partly because I do not want to and partly because having twins makes my involvement unnecessary. They have always been content playing with each other and rarely asked me to join much of their play.


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## CamMom (Jul 27, 2008)

I have a son and cannot stand hide and seek, tag, or building forts. Guess what he like to do
I like to build with the blocks he has (Citibloks) it's kind of meditative. I like to read with him and to him, I like teaching anything academic.


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## crunchymama19 (Apr 9, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *One Art*
> 
> And last but not least... I really detest birthday parties. The work and consumerism is too much and although I always marveled at the creative do-it-yourself ideas in Mothering Mag, they always involved way more work than I was willing to invest. DD1 turns 10 next month and I told her that reaching the double digits means no more birthday parties. A fun activity is a fine substitute IMO.


Me too! I can't stand it and neither can DH. We avoided giving one for DD for years and then we finally decided a SMALL get together at the park with friends and a cake was a good compromise. However she sees all her friends parents who can go so over the top and I just don't know why or how they do it. Blech.We always request (beg!) people to NOT bring gifts as my girls have so much stuff as it is, we have small house, and grandparents always over do it for birthdays but people usually bring something anyway. It's a nice thought but it's just more I have to clean, sort and organize.


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## Dela (Jul 8, 2013)

Playdates. It's a good thing my younger kids generally get along and that there's a lot of them to entertain each other, because if they were solely dependent on my ability to schedule and arrange a "playdate" for them, wherein I put on my Stepford Smile and make nice with intolerably irritating adults that invade my home and direct my and their children how to play, they would be up crap creek without a paddle. I do really well entertaining older kids by themselves though.

Ditto for going to the park. Intolerable!

I have no patience at all for organized team sports either. I may drive a van but you can guarantee that you will not find me hanging out on the sidelines, coaching, pushing, or running interference in soccer, baseball, softball, hockey, volleyball, tennis, etc. Anything with a ball, really. Hate it. I support my kids wholeheartedly in doing those sports, but I'm not the type to push them into it or get real involved beyond going to the game and being supportive.


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## zbugmama (Jun 6, 2013)

My 3 year old can hide for a really long time, always the same spot so that sometimes buys us time to finish a task while we count VERY slowly.

I can't stand wrestling, rolling around in a bug pile kind of pile, which my husband is expert at, and my daughter loves. He is also really good at making anything into a puppet/character and she eats that up. I'm better at specific activities - cooking, reading - and thankfully she loves those, too. I'm also better at squeezing into her tent for "parties" with the stuffed animals.


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## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *meemee*
> 
> mama he is just 5 years old. he still has a LOT of time to learn.


Oh, I know. And I fully realize that if it drives me crazy, I need to find a different way of doing things. I think the worst part is I know he can do it, because you should see how fast he helps clean up while at school! The best kind of peer pressure, I guess...I need one of his friends to come home and do laundry with us!


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## Kamiro (Sep 3, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *vermontgirl*
> 
> This may not be the most popular answer, but I really don't play with my kids. I can't play with cars or legos, I hate playing dolls...dressup I can maybe tolerate for short periods of time. I do spend time with my children doing things that we all enjoy like cooking together, coloring together, reading together, board games, walking, sports...when it comes to playing with toys I just tell them that playing with toys is their job and that I am not into it. I think it is appropriate for them to understand that what is fun for one person isn't fun for another and that sometimes I have grownup things to do. I came to this conclusion when my oldest child was two and wanted me to play with cars. I used to sit on the floor running them along the floor and I hated it! In his world something wonderfully imaginitive was happening when he ran the car along the floor, but in my world nothing was. I eventually just stopped pretending and told them no thanks!


Totally me. I was thinking "Huh. Maybe I do suck a bit as a mom" when reading this thread...I have never played pretend with my kids..Maybe once. Maybe.


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## sageowl (Nov 16, 2010)

Pretend play, birthday parties, noisy toys, play groups, most "kiddie" stuff really...I just don't get into it. I'm rather introverted and prefer outdoor activities, so I don't do much group stuff.


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

Hidden pictures puzzles. Reminded of this today. My eyes get crossed and my brain gets muddles and kerfuddled. Hate them. DD2 loves them, and we get Hidden Pictures Playground. Can hardly wait until that series finishes. Gah!


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *GISDiva*
> 
> Oh, I know. And I fully realize that if it drives me crazy, I need to find a different way of doing things. I think the worst part is I know he can do it, because you should see how fast he helps clean up while at school! The best kind of peer pressure, I guess...I need one of his friends to come home and do laundry with us!


ugh u have no idea how worse this gets when they get older.

all dd needs is one friend in the neighborhood we moved back into. all the kids are gone. and dd is

bored

bored

BORED!!!!

unfortunately one of her summer camps is BORING, the other one is okay.

most of her other friends are on vacation.

she is too bored to do her chores. yet when she has to go to a friends, she zips thru the chores that are incomplete.

now that she is bored her memory is shot.

she is the kind of child for whom everything is boring until she tries it and actually enjoys herself. she is the kid who i have to drag screaming and kicking to go on a hike, she wants to stay in the car, but the moment we start the hike she takes off enjoying herself and complains we are too slow.


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## SheaBird (Mar 14, 2013)

I'm not much good at playing, especially pretend. I'd rather play a game or read together. But I'm loving this book, which is really helpful for framing the importance of play, acknowledging that adults struggle with it, and illustrating how powerful it is for solving zillions of problems if we can learn to do it. Author is a child psychologist and play therapist. Anyway, as someone who kind of groans when dd says; "mama, want to play with me?" I find it really helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345442865/ref=redir_mdp_mobile


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## Grover (Dec 16, 2009)

A question for those of you that don't do 'play', or pretend play anyway - what do your LO's do? How do they deal with you not doing it?

Mine won't leave me alone.....wanting/needing (?) our interaction nearly all day long. It's pretty tiring. I try and be there for her all the time - and join in with all things...but realise perhaps this is a bit over the top of me, and that she needs to learn it can't be like that all the time. Very hard to say no though, even if there are grownup things that need to be done.

The only way I can get her to do something on her own is if I have to (or pretend to) be doing something....a chore of some kind usually (dishes, whatever). If I try and sit at the computer and work (proper work) - that's not happening....she won't let me.


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## mama amie (Jul 3, 2011)

I feel ya, Grover! I feel like allot my day is spent doing dishes, cooking, feeding, cleaning up food, washing the soiled clothes, rinse and repeat. I rarely find time to play unless we are out of the house. My son is nearly 5 and plays pretty well by himself for brief spurts. I feel I have had to train him (by not neglecting chores) over the past few years to be ok on his own. Our kids go to bed relatively late (9ish), and I can't stand letting everything pile up all day just to complete it after kids go to sleep. My night chores still amount to folding laundry, cleaning up dinner messes, loading dishwasher, prepping coffee maker, wiping down kitchen and dining area, sweeping, and rag mopping under table. It's not like I grab a bowl of ice cream and plop down on the couch as soon as their eyes shut, kwim? If I played all day and neglected work, I would be up miserably late ( and living in high filth until then). No thanks.

Try to remember to offer to let him help with chores so he won't feel I'm always too busy for him. I offer reading, puzzles, and other things that have a pretty specific end time, so I can go back to working. I grab snippets of Internet phone time occasionally, but keep the laptop put away. I also put on music for a dance break once or twice a day, where we all get rowdy and giggle a lot for a few minutes. When we go on outings, I'm all theirs. It still doesn't feel like it meets the desires (ESP for DS) for playing together, but it's as balanced as I can muster for now. We do build trains, Legos and blocks pretty frequently after nap, before I start dinner.

Wow! Typing all that out really helped me gain perspective on how much I DO actually engage through the day. That's a relief! Some days I come away feeling like I've practically spent the whole day focused mainly on DD (nearly 2), since she needs more watching for safety. That feels kinda bad, but she gets older every day. Both kids play together a bit through the day. We make it work.


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Grover*
> 
> A question for those of you that don't do 'play', or pretend play anyway - what do your LO's do? How do they deal with you not doing it?
> Mine won't leave me alone.....wanting/needing (?) our interaction nearly all day long. It's pretty tiring. I try and be there for her all the time - and join in with all things...but realise perhaps this is a bit over the top of me, and that she needs to learn it can't be like that all the time. Very hard to say no though, even if there are grownup things that need to be done.
> ...


I responded in another thread to you as well, but i thought i'd add more of my two cents to this comment.

If you don't come to terms with having to establish boundaries/say no then your daughter is going to have a very unrealistic outlook on relationships. Its not about give, give, give without any respect toward yourself. This is not what it means to be a mother. She is being trained to believe that she needs to cling and demand attention from people and this will most likely alienate friends as she grows up. If you were to stop, take some deep breaths, gather your thoughts, and then assess where you're at--do you truly want to play with her right now or do you need some time to get work done or do things for yourself? Check in throughout the day and then make it a priority to give her a firm no and try to redirect her to play by herself. This is not neglecting her, this is treating yourself like a human with needs, not a machine that keeps going and going and going. You are also teaching her proper boundaries and respect for other people's needs which she very much needs to learn in order to function well in the world.

If she protests about you saying no (which she almost for sure will do because she's not used to it) dont give in--the tantrum or crying will pass if you dont give in. If you stick to your word she will realize that you mean business, thus, she will be forced to figure out what to do. Do you see how this is good for her? No one in this world gets constant entertainment and interaction, and if they were to have that then they are going to have a very unrealistic, unhealthy view of thenselves and relationships. Its good for kids to learn how to entertain themselves--this creates a sense of autonomy and independence that's important for functioning and survival. She will also use different parts of her brain and learn different things than if she were to only play with you or someone else all the time. There are probably other benefits, i just cant do think of then atm. Just know that you are doing your daughter and yourself a great service by honoring your own needs and creating healthy boundaries. You could also create a schedule if thats easier for you in which you plan for certain blocks of time for interactive play, independent play, eating, cleaning, working, etc. Explaining the schedule and keeping it where she can see it will help immensely.


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *PrimordialMind*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


Unless she's like my daughter was at that age. Yes, "No" would work, but oh brother you need to commit yourself to that "no"-- often the entire rest of the day was blown, and even if the tantrum ended before the day is over, I was wiped out. Sometimes advice like this comes from parents who never had kids that persistent or had nerves of steel to face down a scenario like this. I absolutely would not fault any mama who gives in too much to a stubborn child. You are absolutely right about the things a child can learn by having to do things on their own, but holy moly! It's easier said than done!

Grover, often I would tell the girls that I would sit and do one of my projects nearby, or do chores in the room that they are in, spend a bit of time setting up a game. Computers are the worst. I find that I can stitch or read and somehow they feel that that is better company. If you can be nearby, if you can ask them"what is your doll's name?" or something without actually engaging in the play itself, then you can satisfy some of their need for company.

So, being interested in their game is not the same as having to play it. I rarely if ever am actually involved in the game, but they like showing off, bouncing ideas around, asking for assistance ("mom, I need string for harnesses!"). That's what I do.


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## BAREF00TM0MMA (Jul 14, 2013)

I don't mind make-believe play, but I do have an issue with making dolls talk and stuff. For some reason even as a kid who enjoyed playing house and other pretend play, I would dress up my barbies and then... nothing! I remember being bored with a lot of sit on the floor play when my kids were little. Somebody said Play-doe and I HATE IT! Clay is ok, I just can't stand the smell of playdogh. It grosses me out and I hate having it touch the table or anything!!!! 

My littlest one used to demand that I draw things for him and that got sort of frustrating sometimes. I like to draw but I don't like to do it on demand!!!!

I LOVED vollenteering in the preschool! I love going to the beach but I agree, I'd rather go kidless!!! I love singing with the little kids cuz nobody else wants to hear me sing!!! 

I also always liked going to birthday parties with them... I guess I have a lot of kid in me. But I do of course have things that I don't enjoy doing... and they always demand those things a lot!!! lol.

I always used to feel so bad for not enjoying getting on the floor and playing with my bigs when they were little. I know we did some stuff but other stuff was sooo boring, lol. Glad to know I'm not the only one! My youngest always wanted to cook and since I didn't I mostly spent a lot of time chasing him out of the kitchen. But I still let him do some stuff. He was always very independent- he'd walk right by me and run his own bath and get in etc. Which was good because bath time always bored me too!!! (The bathroom was through the bedroom so I could easily keep an eye on him).

I am a big reader so a lot of times I just liked to read and have them play near me- "parellel play" lol.


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## BAREF00TM0MMA (Jul 14, 2013)

Oh and I'm not really into sports so I don't enjoy running around outside much!!! I'm much more of an indoors person. And REALLY BAD MAMMA- I didn't like teaching them to ride bikes!!! Not gonna run behind you and hold your seat for hours, ugg just no! They all learned, either with someone else's help or under their own steam. My daughter taught herself how to swim! Not because I didn't want to or anything but simply because she insisted on being in the deep end of the pool from the first time she met it!

So I'm not big on flying kites, sledding, or making snowmen because I hate the cold and snow! Once in a blue moon if the mood strikes me I might get into a fun snowball fight, but it's gonna be pretty rare. As to kites, I really hate it when it's windy too!

I LOVE trick or treating though!!!


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## mama amie (Jul 3, 2011)

Funny thing about drawing on demand. My DD is very obsessed with commanding us to draw or paint very specific things. Her favorites right now include letters, kitties, llamas, poppies, potties, and pigs. I have noticed an ability (in myself) suddenly for painting pretty well. Today I did a killer rubber ducky with water colors in the first try. Also, this:


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## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

My kiddo is older but is an only kiddo. I DO NOT play board games. I will go to swim meets but I only show up at swim time, not for pre-meet practice and I leave when he is done swimming.

When he was younger he never really needed a friend/mama to play with but i DO NOT do pretend play.

I dont mind going to the pool, just not in the heat of the day. I hate the beach.

I love art. The park is good - I can bring a book or yarn and sit on a bench for the afternoon.

Oh- i DO NOT watch kiddie movies on the tv. sorry


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## BAREF00TM0MMA (Jul 14, 2013)

I like a lot of kids movies and shows (actually quite a big fan of Barney and Barney songs). Some things I hate like Teletubbies and Max and Ruby (Ruby just constantly tells max no no no no no it gets on my nerves!!!!), Cailu, The Regular Show, and Big Time Rush. Most of the things I don't like I would probably try to steer my kids away from, or if they loved it I would put a limit on it. For example Sponge Bob is funny for a while but unfortunatly is on hours and hours at a time. I would have to say, "OK that's all the sponge bob I can stand. Time for something else!"

Mamma Amie (ha! my name is Amy): Yes my youngest demanded I draw specific things too and it generally annoyed me! I would draw for a while and then say, OK now YOU draw a such and such!!! GREAT TOILET!!!


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## Sunshinemama8 (Jan 24, 2013)

I don't like imaginary play, either. I try, but it's just not for me. I also have a very hard time letting them cook with me...I'm a bit of a kitchen control freak. I do LOVE to sing to/with them, and take them to the park (because they can run free)...mind you, as soon as it becomes about me pretending to eat their "food", or helping them "put out a fire" or whatever it might be at the park, I quickly find myself losing patience/interest.

Edit: I also like Legos, play-doh, colouring, etc. but I suck in the preparing crafts for them to make department. I also don't mind kids movies.


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

This is funny. My hubby and mines roles seem reversed. I'm the active mama. I don't really enjoy sitting around for too long, I don't like board games, Legos, dress-up or make believe. I love taking them to the zoo, beach, water park, playground.. All that stuff. We like going on walks, bike rides, etc, going to play areas, Barnes and noble... hubs is not into the active stuff. Probably has to do with the fact that he has a pretty physically demanding active job so he's usually simply too tired. I even enjoy festivals and carnivals, and don't mind the lines. I have a hard time sitting still for too long. He and our kids watch movies, build forts, play Legos, cars and shoot bow and arrows and reads them books.


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## gooseberry (Feb 20, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *DelawareMom*
> 
> Oh my goodness, I am soooo relieved! My brain immediately shuts down when my 5yo DD starts with the "Hey Mom, pretend I'm your second baby and I just ate some apples but I don't really like apples and you want me to be a kitty and then you turn into a mean dog..." You get the idea. I have a hard time following the script and then she gets mad. No fun. We like to do lots of other stuff together, though. Cook, swim, go for long walks, read. Just no princess mermaid fairies, please.


Yeah, can't put up with much pretend play.

DD1 (5): Pretend that I'm your grandaughter, and I'm a beautiful princess, and you live in India, and I'm coming on the bus to visit you...
DD2 (2.5): Pretend I'm Dr.Maria, and I'm coming to your house, but I just realized I went to the wrong house!

I enjoy activities that have more clearly defined outcomes, like reading a story or playing a board game, or things, like a pp mentioned, that we can work on independently together, like play dough or Legos. I also like outings, because time goes by faster. Sometimes just playing in the house makes a day seem so long.


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