# "lie down with your baby" does NOT work!



## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

i know people mean well, but i keep getting advised to lie down and nap/sleep with my baby as a way to get her down and keep her asleep longer. we have the worst napping issues right now, and bedtime is a horror show. it takes hours to put her down, and it's full of crying








: (i'm guessing because she is overtired because of the lack of naps)

anyway, when i lie down with her (whether she's crying or not), all that happens is she smiles and wants to socialize. if i lay her on my chest and hum, etc. she starts lifting her head to look at me and fake "crawling" up my body to try to use me for a play gym. if i swaddle her, she cries and busts out in 5 seconds. if i hold her, she squirms until i have little hands in my eyes and nose. she is just basically non-stop, if that makes sense. even massage/touch--just stimulates her, doesn't calm. the only things that seem to calm her are bouncing, slinging, swinging, and the hairdryer







the key is movement and noise.

basically, it is just not happening with the whole "snuggly" routine. does anyone else have a baby like this? or am i misunderstanding the advice?


----------



## AppleCrisp (Aug 19, 2005)

My son is exactly like this. He desperately needs the nap, and sleeps much better with someone in bed with him, but my presence is too interesting. He climbs all over me, plays with my hair, etc. It could go on for hours (and sometimes does!) Our solution was Daddy. He seems to know my husband isn't going to nurse him, and generally he will fuss for about ten minutes and then conk out. I know its hard though during the day - most husbands are at work. I guess I'm saying that me and other people I know have the same problem as you (so maybe its a normal stage).


----------



## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

When Kailey was younger..I'd say from 3 weeks old to 8 months old, she would fight sleep with EVERYTHING she had in her. She was NOT a snuggler, and also got overstimulated VERY easy..I'm so happy she is a cuddlebug now though. we did alot of driving around, alot of walks, it was still a struggle. HUGE HUGS!!


----------



## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

i lie down with mine to get him to sleep and it works. first i rock him while giving him his bottle, and then lay him down in our bed and lay down with him. i lay on the edge and face away from him, completely ignoring him. usually he rolls around and burns off the last of his energy and then falls asleep, but sometimes he does try to play with me or crawl on me. i just pretend im asleep and don't notice and he usually quits bothering me and goes to sleep. i do pick him up and try other things if he starts crying, but he usually doesn't cause he's used to going to sleep this way.


----------



## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Hold on to those methods for a month or two from now. My DS would sleep like a ...well like a baby... if I lay with him starting about 3 months.


----------



## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Mine were both rocked to sleep. DD in rocking chair and DS in a sling up until around age 2 for DD. I know after I got pregnant I wanted to get her used to laying down to fall asleep so she laid down and I patteed her back til she fell asleep.
DS just turned 2 and just for the past 2 days i can lay him down and he flops off to sleep.
Before the age of 2 I laid down with them..After they were asleep.


----------



## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Mine won't just "lie down and sleep" either. The only thing that seems to work for me right now is slinging. She will fall asleep almost immediately in the sling, so after about 10 minutes, I just lay her down, and wiggle out of it.

Good luck!


----------



## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolalola* 
Mine won't just "lie down and sleep" either. The only thing that seems to work for me right now is slinging. She will fall asleep almost immediately in the sling, so after about 10 minutes, I just lay her down, and wiggle out of it.

Good luck!

My DD was EXACTLY like this at that age. The only way I could get her to sleep more than 10 minutes was to sling her. And it was the only tear-free way I could get her to fall asleep.


----------



## mkmb129 (Apr 7, 2007)

My son was like this until about a month ago, and he's a little over 8 months now! And if he did sleep when I layed with him, the very second I got up he was up. The child did not nap for longer then 5-10 minutes at a time until about a month ago, and now he takes 2-3 30min-2hr naps a day! This, too, shall pass!


----------



## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

My younger DS will usually go to sleep easier lying down with DH. With me, he just pops up and crawls out of bed - too stimulated I guess.


----------



## TonyaW (Dec 5, 2006)

My son is like that a lot but still requires that I lay with him to eventually fall asleep. He plays and then falls asleep and it has taken up to an hour and a half before. When it was at its worst, I tried wrapping him in a moby sling covered his face and he fell asleep a few times and he doesn't normally like the sling much. I think if you have piece of long fabric you could try that. Also eventually your child will learn that it is time for sleep but you may have to put up with some play. It can drive one crazy sometimes but this seems to be normal behavior based on a post I made awhile ago regarding my son doing the same thing you describe. It always seems worse when he is really teething or about to meet a milestone. Also I realized he needed to stay awake a little longer. Also he always seems to sleep better after having been outside.


----------



## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

It never worked for us either, at any age. We've tried several times (not just here and there, but made an actual effort to make it work) and it's just never worked. Neither does bringing her into our bed when she wakes up. She's just a horrible sleeper. Never in my life did I think I'd have an EIGHTEEN MONTH OLD who does not sleep. IRL, I'm the only person I know still having sleep issues with a baby this age.

Last night was particularly bad, and I'm just so tired.


----------



## faerierose (Jul 9, 2006)

My youngest is like this I have to bounce/walk around the house until he falls asleep then lay him down. It's gotten worse to because now he isn't even falling sleep nursing like he did before, now he eats then wants me to walk around in circles.


----------



## Tessarakt (Apr 16, 2007)

Mine was just as you described. She's still pretty difficult at 19 months but soooooooooooo much better. She would not go to sleep AT ALL for me. DH could get her to sleep but had to lay her in my arms in the bed to sleep. She'd nurse back down if she woke at night. If I tried to nurse her to sleep to start with we'd be there playing all night. During the day when DH was working. I spent WAY too much time on my feet rocking, swinging, singing, walk, bouncing, dancing, the whole nine yards. Sometimes she'd let me sling her to do it, sometimes not. The more movement the better. The harder and faster the movement the better.
I know what you mean by 'just lay down with her' not working. Know it all too well. It does get better. Do what you have to do to get the both of you some sleep. This too shall pass. I don't think my butt hit a chair for nearly the first 6 months. :







gles::


----------



## bdavis337 (Jan 7, 2005)

YOu know, my boys never could fall asleep with someone else. They NEED their own space. It's really ok to recognize that, and create the opportunities they need to fall asleep and stay asleep so they get their rest. It's ok to not co-sleep!


----------



## JilliesMom (Sep 25, 2006)

When my DD was tiny she would only nap in the swing. I used to stress about it, but then I realized she was SLEEPING! Duh! LOL! At night I used to drive her around at night, UGH, until I discovered nursing lying down in bed & co-sleeping all night. That saved my life. Seriously.

GL!!!


----------



## luminesce (Aug 6, 2006)

I have this problem with DS during the day but luckily not at night. In the day, I can often only get him to go to sleep by nursing him on the boppy. If I try to put him down he wakes up. At night, he likes routine. Between 9 and 10, he fusses until I nurse him side-lying in bed until he is out, and once he is out - he is OUT for about 3-4 hours when he wakes to nurse. The same trick doesn't work in the day though. He fights sleep.

His night routine didn't start until a few weeks ago though - before that, it was all over the board night and day. The 'daddy' trick works for us too. He conks out with daddy in no time but with me... he'll fight sleep for hours.


----------



## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Mine would scream and cry and freak out if I tried to just lie down with him, from about 1 month to 2 years. He had to be rocked, walked around, fed, etc., or he was not happy. Routines were no good either, because as soon as he caught wind of the fact that we were doing something meant to put him to sleep, he'd start fighting it! Sorry I'm not much help, but it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong - that advice just doesn't work for everyone.

Driving him around worked pretty well during some times. I'd definitely suggest trying that.


----------



## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

My girl, now 10 months, is the same way. We gave up trying to coslep because she just didn't ver settle down and no one was getting any sleep. She'e never been a cuddly, snuggly baby, and touch does stimulate her. During the day, she wants to be in almost constant contact, but when sleeping, she seems to need to be left alone. But, she also needs to be parented to sleep - swaying, singing, bouncing, rocking, singing, etc.

DD still needs to be swaddled. I am trying to gently break that sleep association, starting with naps, but even when she's not swaddled I have to pin down her arms, basically, or she windmills and beats herself and me up.

The napping thing got better after the three-month growth spurt. But I have to have the timing just right - around an hour to an hour and a half of awake time at your baby's age, now 3 hours is about her limit.

Good luck, hang in there!


----------



## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

She'e never been a cuddly, snuggly baby, and touch does stimulate her.
DD is the same way. People kept suggesting 'baby massage with lavender' and it nearly sent her out of her skin. She HATED it.


----------



## Sarabelle (Jul 14, 2007)

DS used to love to snuggle to sleep. Now he's 3mo and I lay him in bed (we co-sleep) and nurse him drowsey then I have to leave the room for him to sleep. He wont fall asleep if I'm there but when I leave the room he's out in no time.

- and my mom tried to tell me that if I let him sleep with me he'll never sleep on his own









DS has never really had any sleep problems though, so I don't have much advice to give for a baby who doesn't want to sleep. I do know that if DS misses or is late for a nap it gets harder to get him down because he is real fussy. I'd say if the swing works for nap time take advantage!!


----------



## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:

does anyone else have a baby like this? or am i misunderstanding the advice?
Oh, Gosh, YES! Angela, you sent me back ten years! My oldest son was like your baby, and at one point I was loosing my mind with being overwhelmed and exhausted. A friend, had grown children and is a nurse, sweetly said, "_You just need to lay down with your baby and take a nap!"_ I burst into tears! I would have loved to be able to do that, and the way she said it made me feel like I MUST be doing something very wrong that I couldn't make that work for us! I felt like an IDIOT.

Fast forward four years -- I had my second child, who was totally different -- and I suddenly realized what she was talking about! HE was a baby who liked that -- who would have spent all day in bed snuggling with me, who fell asleep at the drop of a hat, and loved when I took him to bed with me.

It was such a relief to realize that it was the child's temperment, and not my ineptitude. Poor lady thoug... I don't think I ever explained why I reacted so strongly to her advice.


----------



## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
A friend, had grown children and is a nurse, sweetly said, "_You just need to lay down with your baby and take a nap!"_ I burst into tears! I would have loved to be able to do that, and the way she said it made me feel like I MUST be doing something very wrong that I couldn't make that work for us! I felt like an IDIOT.











exactly! i'm like, am i not understanding how to lie down? am i not lying down right?







:

even the sears baby book advises picking times of day when you are most tired and lying down with baby for a nap! this advice is everywhere!!







:

apparently it is NOT just me, however. thank heavens!

so what is your son like now?


----------



## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
DD is the same way. People kept suggesting 'baby massage with lavender' and it nearly sent her out of her skin. She HATED it.

yeah, the baby massage thing sometimes sends DD into fits of screaming fury









the rest of the time she just gets really awake, starts giggling and wiggling.

either way, it's not so much sleep-inducing


----------



## ~Shanna~ (Nov 17, 2005)

I haven't had this problem, but I wanted to send support for how frustrating it is when you keep getting advice that doesn't work for you







.


----------



## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Yeah, baby massage! HA! If we take her thigh in our palm and squeeze lightly, as one would probably do with infant massage, she gets a huge grin, giggles and is just so AWAKE! Touch wires her up, it certainly does not calm her down.

Though I am reluctant to "label" the baby, I think DD is firmly in the "High needs" or "Spirited" group. She needs more of everything, but not sleep. That's just the way she's wired.

My MIL, who was the second oldest of 13, had three children of her own plus foster kids, and has been the full-time caretaker for her first 3 grandkids (so, plenty of baby experience!), has said more than once that she's just never SEEN a baby like DD. MIL was of the "don't carry the baby too much, you'll spoil her" camp before DD came around. While she's not cuddly, DD DEMANDS to be in nearly constant contact with me, DH or MIL. There are some acceptable substitutes, but only for short periods. And you'd better be playing with her, engaging her and entertaining her, or forget it. She'll lose her mind! She'll play by herself now (10 months old) for an astonishingly long period, but you better not leave her line of vision. Near constant contact - except when sleeping. That's DD!


----------



## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:

so what is your son like now?
He is busy, intense, very bright, very driven and very independent. He likes to be engaged and productive during every waking moment. Its a challenge for teachers to provide difficult enough work to satisfy him. He does chores around the house, voluntarily, because he cannot stand to be bored. The more he can do, the more content he feels.

Not to frighten you or anything, but he was difficult to put to sleep and woke up during the night until he was 4-years old. Now, he reads until he is ready to sleep and then sleeps like a log. He's up bright and early still though -- fixes breakfast (sometimes for everyone!) starts the laundry, reads the newspaper, and has a plan for the day before I even roll out of bed. (Dh and sometimes refer to him as "Alex P. Keaton."


----------



## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *readytobedone* 
i know people mean well, but i keep getting advised to lie down and nap/sleep with my baby as a way to get her down and keep her asleep longer. we have the worst napping issues right now, and bedtime is a horror show. it takes hours to put her down, and it's full of crying







: (i'm guessing because she is overtired because of the lack of naps)

anyway, when i lie down with her (whether she's crying or not), all that happens is she smiles and wants to socialize. if i lay her on my chest and hum, etc. she starts lifting her head to look at me and fake "crawling" up my body to try to use me for a play gym. if i swaddle her, she cries and busts out in 5 seconds. if i hold her, she squirms until i have little hands in my eyes and nose. she is just basically non-stop, if that makes sense. even massage/touch--just stimulates her, doesn't calm. the only things that seem to calm her are bouncing, slinging, swinging, and the hairdryer







the key is movement and noise.

basically, it is just not happening with the whole "snuggly" routine. does anyone else have a baby like this? or am i misunderstanding the advice?

when ds was that age, i had to wear him and keep moving. it'll pass, i promise. ds is 6 mo now and NOW i can lay with him for a while and nurse and then get up. its normal. try not to get frusterated. your dd is super young...i gets so much easier!


----------



## Valian (Oct 16, 2005)

At that age Ds rocked to sleep, he still does now. He would also never, and still won't just lay down and go to sleep with us. I *almost* had him asleep laying down after nursing by singing him to sleep. My first attempt in a year.

We just invested in a nice rocker/recliner from LaZBoy and when Ds feel asleep we put the footrest up and kicked back for a nap ourselves. Trying to lay us all down in bed. Ha! Soooo not happening. But, we could get some rest in the chair and just rock Ds back out if he woke.


----------



## Terrilein (Jan 9, 2007)

We had severe sleep issues with dd until she started pre-school and dropped her naps. Until then she was up until 10-11 pm every night. There was no getting her to sleep, even if I joined her in bed. She wanted to socialize, too, even if I was pretending to sleep to get her to join me. I gave up eventually and just enjoyed my evenings with her instead although it meant having zero "adult time" with my ex-SO. The atmosphere was a lot more relaxed just having her up and crawling around, playing, whatever instead of me fuming in bed over a toddler who would not and could not sleep. Why waste a perfectly good evening in bed with a child who is obviously not tired, when you could be doing something else?


----------



## srbushey (Sep 27, 2006)

How old is your dc? can you try leaving dc in a room to play quietly for awhile? my mother said i wouldn't nap from almost day one, but i slept like a log at night. she just let me be awake but made me be quiet for 1/2 hour every afternoon while she napped. when the timer went off, i was allowed to resume normal activity. sometimes i actually fell asleep during quiet time! another friend of mine discovered for her 2 yr old that she would nap if mom or dad wasn't in the room. different at night though, b/c they cosleep. best of luck!


----------



## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

How old is she? My dd2, who is 19 months STILL can rarely sleep when I lie down with her. She needs to fall asleep in my lap or in the sling. When she is completely asleep I can lay her down on the bed next to me. I don't have bedtimes, so she sleeps when she's tired...this is for many reasons, one of which is that I don't have patience for long bedtime routines and trying to get my kids to do things they don't want to do.

Best of luck!


----------



## GracesMama (Oct 24, 2006)

When DD was an infant, I had the same problem. Unless she wanted to nurse, she would just scream if we layed down. We had to bounce, use the swing, turn on the vacuum, etc. There were some nights where she slept in her swing because that was the only way she would sleep for a decent stretch(2 -3 hours!). I nursed on demand and co-slept, but we still couldn't just lay down.

I feel for you!


----------



## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

I had the same problem when DD was an infant. Darn, I was trying to forget about that (thinking about #2).

It gets better but for us it took a while. DD slept in-arms only until she was 4 months old and didn't go down for regular naps until about 10 months. Just try and concentrate on being with your infant right now and forget everything else.

Oh, and for us, bouncing on the exercise ball was a good way to get her to sleep. It is low-impact on mom too. If it makes you feel any better, I lost weight in record time.


----------



## justice'smom (Jun 5, 2007)

I nursed my LO the whole time he slept. Basically I was a human pacifier. Actually he is 14 mo now and I still nurse him during his naps and first thing in the morning. At night though he has learned to sleep in his crib. That took some gentle sleep training though. If I am calculating correctly your baby is 3 months. I'm not sure a baby is ready for sleep training at that age. I not sure if you are nursing. I didn't nurse my first and he slept in his swing or bouncy seat. I actually had to bounce the bouncy until he feel asleep. I will say though that I know nothing about "normal" babies. I had two acid reflux babies and I did whatever I could to get them to sleep. My 14 mo was so sleep deprived that he started having tremours and theat is when I decided to become the human pacifier. I was amazed at how well I could sleep too. I know this doesn't help now, but the sleep will come. Oh, have you tryed white noise for sleeping? If you want to do massaging the best thing to do is rub the lower back in large slow circles. That induces sleep. If I can think of anything else I will let you know. We did it all, but at the moment I can't think of anything.


----------



## funkygranolamama (Aug 10, 2005)

have you tried cutting out all caffeine? I had the same problem with my ds being grouchy and once I cut out the coffee he evened out and was easier to get to sleep. I was grouchy, but he wasn't. Good trade off, me thinks.


----------



## herilane (Jul 1, 2007)

My DD used to be that way - rocking or jiggling to sleep, first in a sling and then in a cot - but then some time around 6 months it changed. Now we can actually nap together. She needs to lie on her side to go to sleep (hates being on her back, and immediately starts crawling when she's on her tummy) so we spoon.

When she starts wriggling and doesn't want to lie still, I sit up, pick her up, hold her until she calms down and we both lie down again. Rinse and repeat... until she lies calmly and dozes off.


----------

