# need miscarraige advice



## tomjon (Mar 25, 2004)

hi,
yesterday will go down as one of the worse days I've ever had. I started my 6th week of pregnancy, went to my first appointment, my 8 yo and 6yo went with me, we were there for an hour, filled out 12 forms, listened to all the wonderful things that were going to happen, set up our first appointment for an ultrasound, left the doctor's office starving (thought appt would only be 15 minutes), drove to ChuckeCheese (surprise for my boys), went to get a drink, and boom, started a miscarriage. I'm standing in Chuckescheese's, I'm bleeding, my boys are starving, and I had just left the doctor 20 minutes earlier. The office is now closed for lunch, the boys ate quickly, we had to leave (I had nothing with me for bleeding, obviously), drove 45 minutes home, called the doctor, went to the hospital for the hormone blood test (although I knew that was a waste of time), needed a Rhogam shot (which my local hospital wouldn't do), came home exhausted, and finished misscarrying. Oh, and my husband is out of town on business till next Tuesday. It's 6:46am the next morning and I obviously needed to vent. I do have a few questions: when will my breasts go back to normal? They are very sensitive and full and are a constant reminder of better days. Also, I am supposed to go back to the hospital for a second hormone blood test on Saturday, which I believe is pointless since I'm sure I had a miscarriage, and if my doctor wants me to I want to be able to say no. And last but not least, how do I tell everyone (yes, we foolishly told everyone right away, lesson learned) without getting all the "I'm soooo sorry" stuff.
thanks,
tomjon


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## marleo (Sep 1, 2004)

tomjon you deserve a more than a few random days of absolute bliss after this. The breast will stiop hurting within the next week or so which leads to the blood tests- my sister is studying to be a nurse/midwife and she said that blood test are necessary to see if the levels are going down and your body is readjusting. As my ob said in a wierdly perky way 'your body is going to think that it's still pregnant for a while'. I mc'd exactly a month ago today and seem to be getting my period which puts me in a moony mood but not nearly as bad as I had been. It does get better. I'll be thinking about you. MArleo


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## marleo (Sep 1, 2004)

ps- I told people and then said I didn't want to talk about it. some people objected but eventually kept quiet- I think the thought of them harrasing me with demands to share my pain put most of them in their place.


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## Denise K (Feb 26, 2002)

I had a different experience with breast soreness--it's been over 3 months and I'm still sore, though not as much. This may be because I was breastfeeding until shortly before my m/c--I am still making milk too. I asked about it at my annual exam and the nurse said it would probably go away "pretty soon," which I took to mean who knows.

I sent out an email to the people I had told about the pregnancy--thankfully not many, and I told my mom she was in charge of the people she had told







--just telling them, and saying I appreciated their kind thoughts and might be out of contact for a while. Email seemed like a weird medium but it gave me control of whether/when I read the responses.

My mom telling people also worked for me. I wonder if you have a good friend who would be willing to call a bunch of people FOR you, tell them whatever it is you want to say, and let the news spread that way.

I hated telling people in person, unless it was my choice about who when where. And also, it was helpful at times to know there were people who knew what I was dealing with, and who were praying for me or thinking of me.

I hope you have some quiet time to care for yourself.
Peace.


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## dolphinsdive (Jan 16, 2005)

The blood levels seem to be important to the drs. It was my final confirmation of what had happened. I had one done the day I went in bleeding, another two days later, and then again at an appointment a week after my initial appointment. The nurse called about four days later and we played phone tag for two days. I was so worried that something was wrong for them to be calling me. Turned out that my blood had been lost or something crazy and I needed to repeat the last level. She assured me that my levels seemed to be falling quickly and this would be it.
I went into my local drs office for the test that day, but never faxed the results to my midwife. No one called for the results, it must have not been that important.
Now I have a $140 bill for this test that no one needed apparently.
Gina


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## tomjon (Mar 25, 2004)

thanks everyone for your responses and advice. We made it through the weekend, and I'm still sad but feeling better as time goes by. I did not go get the second blood test, I just can't help but think it wasn't necessary (what did women do before all this amazing science?







). The bleeding stopped, my body is healing, both physically and emotionally, and I don't need a blood test to assure me that my body is no longer pregnant.
this is a wonderful place for the support, i really appreciate it
tomjon


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I am sorry about your loss

i hate the having to "take it back" telling of people to. can you let someone else do it? i send an email and let my mom deal with everyone else. and even after our losses i still tell people right away, it is my way of acknowledging the baby.

tara


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## Ilovelife (Jun 6, 2004)

I had all the blood tests when I miscarried a couple years ago at 10 weeks. It was a hassle. All they want to do is make sure the hormones go back to normal. Then only thing that *can* happen, as far as I know, is if you have an incomplete m/c, the hormones will not go down & you could have complications. I think this is more likely when you are further along in the pg.

I had a second m/c last month. This time I was at 5 wks & had not seen a dr. yet. I didn't go for any of the blood tests. I did get some advice here, though. What I did do, and you could do if you felt like it, was take another home preg. test a couple weeks after the m/c stopped. It was neg, so I took that as confirmation my body had taken care of itself. It was nice not to have to discuss it with dr.s, nurses, fill out paperwork, etc. Yeah, not to mention the bills.

Like a pp, I also told people I had miscarried. Actually, I emailed it (just to my sisters & mom) and then told them I did not want to talk about it. My mom tried to ask questions anyway (that's just her way) but I was firm that I didn't want to discuss it with her. Do what you need to take care of yourself right now.

I am very sorry for your loss.


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## tomjon (Mar 25, 2004)

dear ilovelife,
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your pregnancy test advice. That is a GREAT idea and will set my mind at ease. I feel that everything is okay, but after everyone made such a big stink about the bloodtest, I've had it in the back of my mind "what if I don't get it and something is wrong". I am truly thankful that you sent that, and will definitely follow up with it in 2 weeks. By the way, all is well, I can feel my body going back to prepregnancy being and I gave myself the weekend to grieve (much more than I expected) and eat junk food.
I'm sorry to hear about your m/c last month. I hope to find you well and healing. You helped me with a big dilemma and I appreciate your thoughtfulness and kindness.
tomjon

ps. I love your "name" Ilovelife; do you really love life? and if so, why?


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## Ilovelife (Jun 6, 2004)

I'm glad I could be helpful. I'm also happy to hear you are feeling better, and that you took some time for yourself. Don't be surprised, though, if some feelings of sadness and grief persist for a bit. Although physically I'm doing fine, I still have moments that weigh very heavy on my heart.

About my "name"... yes, I really do love life. There are so many reasons I would not know where to begin. I'm healthy, have a great family, love where I live, enjoy how I am able to contribute to some other lives, the sky is amazing, the soil grows my food, rainbows happen, I can listen to music anytime I want, my daughter is a beam of brightness shining on all of my days. But I guess the main reason is: why not? I mean, really, we all have to deal with what we have to deal with. And a lot of life is, admittedly, not too fun. Some people have to look harder for good things in their lives...but often those are not the people who *have* fewer good things, but the people who have more difficulty recognizing good things. Does that make sense? We have the opportunity and the obligation to make things as good as we can for ourselves and others. Beyond that, I think one's frame of mind or outlook can be positive/optimistic or negative/pessimistic. Why spend time dwelling on the bad and hating everything when you can instead *choose* to spend your time delighting in the good and loving everything? JMHO


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