# My 4 year old son told me he wants to die.



## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)

He's been having a rough day all day today. Woke up grouchy. I brought him to preschool and he seemed ok. Picked him up and he was really quiet and reserved. Wouldn't even talk to me. We got home and he told me "I'm leaving home. I'm going into the bush and never eating. Then I will die". I told him "oh sweetie, why would you say that?" he says "because I want to, I don't want to be part of this family". Then he wanted to go for a nap.







. I have no clue why he would say that or what to even do about it.


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## Stinkerbell (Aug 11, 2005)

If it's unusual for him to say, I would watch him closely but not react too much at this point. Kids sometimes "test" their ability to use language and repeat things they may have overheard.

I think I would mention it to the preschool teacher in a very non-chalant way and let him/her know to keep you posted about comments like that. You certainly don't want to ignore a red flag but a one time comment on a grouchy day is likely just an expression of emotion.


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## Penelope (Jul 22, 2003)

My ds (3.5) is very interested in death these days, and has actually used that same phrase re: not wanting to be part of the family (without expressing the wish to die.) I think it's interesting for them to use dramatic language to express their feelings, and explore this big, scary concept.

That your ds took a nap right after suggests to me that he was tired! And maybe he had an unusually difficult day at school.


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## ColwynsMommy (Aug 2, 2004)

If it's not a recurring thing, not one sign of many in a bigger picture, I wouldn't worry too much. I think that at that age, they're experimenting with very strong words. And I don't think that they really understand what death means in its entirety. Maybe his concept of death is more like a temporary absence, and his taking a nap fulfilled that need to 'check out' for a little while.

My son told me the other day that he wished my 12-year-old cousin's family would all die so that he could live with us. They had just visited (they live in another state) and he idolizes his big cousin. He also adores his aunt and grandmother (with whom my cousin lives), so I don't think he really wanted them to die. He was just using his limited (by age) abilities to express a very strong desire to have his cousin around all the time.


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## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)

This just really surprised me because he used to talk about death quite often but he would cry and cry saying he never wanted to die and he never wanted daddy, mommy and brother to die.

He woke up this morning and was saying "I'm sorry I said I wanted to die. I still want a family. I'm sorry mom". So I do think now he was just playing on words. He was angry at something and just trying to find words that would be strong.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

My 7 yr old did this to me when I was about 5 or 6 mos pregnant w/ the baby. I was beside myself!!! My therapist explained that he was trying out words and that he got the response he was looking for -- mom not wanting him to kill himself. I had an aunt kill herself in July so to hear my ds tell me that a month or so later was horrifying!!!

I already keep a close eye on my kids but now even more so. It's just so unsettling to hear.


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

My oldest son has said this twice now, once when our baby passed away and last week after my Mom-Mom passed. I think that kids say things that make us think and do not really understand the depth of what they are saying.

I just explained to him that we loved him and wanted him here with us.

I hope your son is feeling better and having a good day.


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## fourgrtkidos (Jan 6, 2004)

My middle DD started saying this too when she was 3.5- I think when she mastered language and could express herself. I thought she was depressed or exhibiting mental illness- which runs in my family. I worried she was being abused at pre-school while I was at work, or something.... it was very troubling. At any rate, it ended up being simpler than that (Thank goodness and not as tramatic) she has food allergies. When I eliminated the foods that were wrecking havoc on her body chemistry and her mind, those death expressions stopped.


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## organicmommy (May 16, 2005)

Oh mama I would be horrified. I hope his day got better.

My 3 yo dd is very interested in death, and trying to learn about what it is.
Its scary to me really.

Hugs to you, I am sure you need them.
Jessica


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

For the most part, the whole concept of death is pretty incomprehensible to kids. Okay, and adults! They really don't have the capacity for abstract thinking. I would not ask him why he said it, as he probably can't really articulate the real reason. Instead I would ask: Are you feeling tired (sad, mad, etc) Don't just toss out anything, but be open to clarification. Then you can talk a little about feeling overwhelmed, about feeling the need for a solution _right now_ , and about how when tummies are hungry, everything feels icky.
This sounds like a great opportunity for growth to me. And since a 4y o really doesn't get the gravity of death (sorry for the pun) I wouldn't let it alarm you too much.


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## peachweenie (Jul 29, 2007)

When my son was 4.5 he told me the same thing, "Mama, I want to die." It was just a phase that lasted about a week. He was just trying out these dramatic words for effect. Just be there for him, give him some tlc. If there is some kind of situation going on at his preschool, ask his teacher about it and be pro-active about stepping in if there is a problem (i.e. bullying).


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