# What to expect after baby dies...



## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

I started bleeding (like a period) yesterday and did an ultrasound with no sac or anything inside. The doc said my uterine lining is still thick. So what should I expect? I would be 7 weeks pregnant yesterday, but I suspect the baby could have died weeks before or never formed properly. From the posts I've read thus far, it appears that I have to pass a lot of tissue. I haven't yet. The doc checked my HCG yesterday and would be doing another test tomorrow. I'm still bleeding today, but still just like a period and not passing big clots or anything. The doc said she'll perform a d&c if I bleed heavily or if I have a fever. I would like to get some idea what is going to happen...


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## turquoise (Oct 30, 2002)

I'm so sorry! big









I've had 3 d&c's and one natural mc. The d&c has it's good side and bad. From what I've heard, it's easier on your body if you can have a natural mc but the process takes longer and can be more painfull emotionally. The biggest concern is that your baby is born and that all the afterbirth comes as well. Some doc's prefer to do the d&c just to be sure. They may call it "tissue", so heads up. I say baby.

For my d&c's the dr said I could go to work the next day or even that evening if I wanted, but he would also be happy to write me a note to give me 3 days off and he let me choose. I took 2 days, the day of and the day after. I had very little bleeding, just light spotting.

For my natural mc, the baby came before I could have a d&c and that may have been better because too many d&cs can cause scars. Scars are easily corrected according to my ob, but it's better not to go there if you can avoid it. She or he came with a lot of cramping. I didn't know what to do because I was in the bathroom when the baby came and well, it was very emotionally painful especially because, well you can guess where the baby was. I called the ob, and they said they wanted me to bring the baby in asap to make sure that it was a complete mc and to check my hormone levels. So needless to say, I had to "retrieve" my littleone. Luckily, the baby was the only thing produced on that trip to the bathroom. I bled longer than a regular cycle and it went through strange changes. I have a tilted Uterus, so the dr said that was from old "tissue". (there's that word again.) I am so sorry, I hope I haven't been too graphic or offended.

Anyway, I hear that you can ask to burry the baby if you like. It's up to you. I never have. I found it easier to try and concentrate on trying to have another baby as quickly as possible. They say you need to wait at least 3 cycles before you can try again, so that's the mourning time I allowed myself. None of my friends have mc'd, and I tend to keep my emotions to myself, so I just took a few days away from everyone and then I could come back my same cheery self if not a little askew. I have a strange sense of humor, when I'm uncomfortable or sad I try to make light of the situation. God bless my friends for having the same corny humor or at least putting up with mine.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your little one. God bless you both and take care of yourself.


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## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

Thanks turquoise for responding to my post. I'm very sorry about your losses too. My main question is, since the ultrasound did not show a sac or anything, I would imagine that I would only need to shed the uterine lining? So far, its been more like a period than a post partum flow. How would I know if everything is out? My doc says we can try again after 1 period, maybe because I miscarried so early? I imagine the baby died around 5 weeks (3 weeks after conception).


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## EmmalinesMom (Feb 9, 2003)

With my natural mc in December, I bled heavily, well, like a heavy period. There were no big clots. It was just kind of goopy, if that makes sense. That mc was at about 7 weeks.

With my d&c on April 4, I bled very lightly, almost more like spotting for just 2 days afterwards.

With both, they continued to do blood hgc tests to make sure my levels went back down to below 5 (considered negative) and stayed there. If your levels do not go down, or go down too slowly, you may have some cells from the baby, the placenta, or other material still in your uterus. There is medication that can induce a period, so you might not have to do the d&c.


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## turquoise (Oct 30, 2002)

mamaMAMAma

I am soooo sorry, I didn't mean to be off base. The Hcg tests are pretty much the norm. One for your base, then I think it's either weekly or every 3 days. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. Since the mc came early, you may have had the baby and not even known. They will probably let you continue with your light bleeding until the hormone level says it's over since that's the least invasive method. If they do a d&c, they will put you under and you won't bleed much at all afterwards. If you continue with your nat. mc, it may be as light as a regular cycle but perhaps last longer. For my natural mc at 13 weeks it was just the baby, then a "normal" flow - sort of - at least quantity I think the only clots were the baby or if you have a tilted uterus like mine you may clot more when you lay down. They gave me a couple of weeks to stop bleeding. He said "if you don't stop by X day then we'll need to see you again." I'm sorry I don't remember how long that was. Its a miracle what happens at conception and your baby starts growing really fast so don't be surprised if it takes a while. I'd ask the dr. to tell you how long is normal for your gestation.

If you are interested, I know there are sites that show the baby from week to week. So you can see what your little one would have looked like. I think that helped me with my first mc. Made it seem more "real" kwim? Neilson photos are excellent.

big







to you. Again, I'm sorry for going off base. Take care of yourself.


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## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

turquoise:
You're not off base at all. I thank you so much for all your help. I got my HCG checked today, and should hear back from the doc next week. I don't feel pregnant anymore, so hopefully the HCG levels are dropping properly and I wouldn't have to go in for a d&c. Thanks again!


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## fullofhope (Apr 21, 2003)

My heart goes out to you! I don't know the "norm", but here's my experience:
I miscarried at 9 weeks. I spotted for a week, then all of a sudden started bleeding like a period, albeit a heavy period, with strong cramps. We rushed to urgent care, they did an u/s after two hours, no sac, no nothing they said. I passed some large clots after that that scared me because I wasn't expecting it- like 4 inches long, 2 or 3 in wide- then a smaller one lighter in color and probably the baby, but nobody told me what to expect so I had no idea that was the baby til later! Urgent care sent me home with warning of if I soak a pad an hour for three hours, to go to the emergency room. Two days later I went to an ob, who gave me a med (methergine) to take for 3 days to cause my uterus to contract and push out anything left. From the first day til I was done with the meds, it was like a heavy period except for one more huge clot, then it quit. Not even a spot since. ob did another u/s, said the back of the uterus was clear, and since then has checked my hcg levels every week (4 wks). I think today's was the last blood test.... I hope!
A week and a half ago I was at 19.
A side note: I actually had to refuse a d&c, they wanted to do one when I first went to urgent care, then later in the day, then when the ob saw me she wanted to do one. I told them I wanted time to allow it naturally, since I wasn't bleeding too heavily (although a pelvic exam when you are bleeding makes it look like you are bleeding WAY heavier than really are!) I was scared that it was the wrong choice, but now I'm glad.
Be kind to yourself. I had to repeatedly remind myself it was nothing I had done- not that chocolate I ate, not that bottle of water I didn't drink, not that long walk I took. Plus the best thing I did was tell a few people- and I realized that a lot of people I knew had gone through the same thing but never told. I felt, well, not so alone.


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## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

fullofhope: Thanks for sharing your experience to you. My doc is not pushing d&c on me, she's allowing my body to do it naturally and monitoring my HCG. Its gone down from 1079 to 425 in 2 days, so hopefully it will continue to drop to under 5. My bleeding has been light and only minor cramps once. I spoke to the doc on Friday and she said each mc is different and depending on when the preg acturally terminated. Thanks again for your support. I'm sorry for your loss.


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## Shakti (Nov 20, 2001)

mamaMAMAma, I am soooo sorry for your loss.

I had a M/C last month, after finding out at 7 weeks that there was no baby in the gestaional sac. I chose to have a natural M/C. My doc didn't push the D&C at all. For me, the actual M/C was nothing more than a moderately heavy period. I had no cramping, and no 'tissue' that was recognizable as anything. Some blood clots, but that was all. I didn't even kow it was over until two weeks later, when I realized that the 'period' I had had WAS it! I thought I was stalled, and was worried that everything would not shed, and I would be headed for a D&C. But no, it was simply that the M/C was very subtle and quick, only about 2 days of bleeding, and then some spotting two weeks later.

My doc also checked my HCG levels weekly, but my doc does not consider anything under 5 as 'negative.' My HCG must go down to ZERO to be negative. My last test was 3, and I have to go in for another blood test. What a pain.

Please take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Even this early in the pregnancy, it is still a loss. Please allow yourself to grieve, and surround yourself with people that will also allow you to grieve. We are here for you.

Sending you healing thoughts.

Patti


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## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel in many ways. I just lost another baby yesterday and my grief and sadness are coming through!!!

Just wanted to offer you hugs.


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## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

Abylite: I really feel for you. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Its been a week since I lost my baby. Please take good care of yourself. I'll light a votive for your little baby.


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