# WWYD dangerous baby gift



## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

mods, please don't move this to family safety, I know its about a carseat, but... please dont?









So, my MIL bought me an infant bucket. A used Evenflo, 3 pt harness, recalled infant bucket









I don't want to be rude to her, but I cannot put my baby in this seat! I also don't want to be wasteful. Is there somewhere that I can exchange it? I've heard rumors that fire stations have car seat exchanges for low income families.

Should I just take it out back and smash it then pretend LO was too big for it or grew out of it?


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## rhiandmoi (Apr 28, 2006)

Would you use it as a non- car seat? For example some mom's I know like having an extra bucket to keep the baby out of trouble while they take a shower. Strap the baby in the car seat, put car seat on the floor, hurry up and take shower.

If you would never use it, I'd let her know that you found a recall notice on the carseat and that it's not safe. Maybe she can get her money back. But at least she can learn that some things such as carseats you shouldn't buy used, I think it's a lot ruder to allow her to waste her money without letting her know what the problem is. It isn't that you don't like the gift, it's that the gift is not safe.


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## Miasmamma (Sep 20, 2006)

I would call one of the major fire stations in your area and ask if they have or know of a program like that. If that doesn't pan out, see if you can find out where she got it and call and explain to them that they sold a recalled car seat and see if they will exchange it for you. Your last option would be to let your MIL know that she was sold a recalled, there for dangerous, car seat and let her take care of it.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

We had a similar thing happen with my MIL. She gave us an adorable crib bumper to match the beautiful wood crib she bought for our baby shower. It's very cute but crib bumpers are considered unsafe. In the end we told her the truth (that the bumper was cute but not considered safe for babies). It clearly hurt her feelings but we felt it was better to be honest than to have to lie and try to pretend we use something that we never would.

In the end we're keeping it for other purposes...a cushion or floor pad, maybe? It _is_ really cute...


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rhiandmoi* 
Would you use it as a non- car seat? For example some mom's I know like having an extra bucket to keep the baby out of trouble while they take a shower. Strap the baby in the car seat, put car seat on the floor, hurry up and take shower.

Thats a good idea actually!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rhiandmoi* 
If you would never use it, I'd let her know that you found a recall notice on the carseat and that it's not safe. Maybe she can get her money back. But at least she can learn that some things such as carseats you shouldn't buy used, I think it's a lot ruder to allow her to waste her money without letting her know what the problem is. It isn't that you don't like the gift, it's that the gift is not safe.

I will try, shes a "garage-sale-er" kind of a shopping compulsion. I'm afraid this is the beginning of the end. Plus my confrontations skills are.... crappy. I may let it leak back through the family that the seat isn't safe and maybe to ask if I need something?

I feel like that is looking a gift horse in the mouth. sigh, I have some thinking to do.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
In the end we're keeping it for other purposes...a cushion or floor pad, maybe? It _is_ really cute...

we have an herloom crib bumper my mom made, I thought about hanging it on the outside of the crib, do you think that is safe?

I know the risk of bumpers is SIDS, but you can't get to it on the outside! Maybe.


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## Jesskathand (Dec 30, 2007)

Do you have cats? Mine love to sleep in the car seat!


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

Since it's recalled maybe evenflo will take it back and give you a new one, or at least a coupon.


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## woodchick (Jan 5, 2007)

For something like this (ie. clearly not a case of the gift not being your taste) I would be up front with her (or have DH be up front with her). She probably thinks she's being helpful.

I've come across a ton of "Baby gear you should never purchase used" articles in magazines and online. Maybe you could find an article that specifically addresses the recalled carseat (consumer reports, maybe) and then another that clearly outlines the "never buy used" items.

If she needs to satisfy her shopping addiction maybe you can steer her towards clothes. You can always donate or resell those!


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

I've thought that I could get one of those strollers that you can put the carseat on and giving it to one of the grandmas for outings? Where would I get something like that. I just saw that it is expired too. I wouldn't mind grandma-ing it as a stroller! I don't see myself using a stroller, but grandma may!


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## jennifer_lc1 (Sep 8, 2007)

even though she bought it used you could still maybe contact the maker and see if they can do anything for you.

if not i like a posters idea about using it so you can shower and stuff (believe me they come in handy!!)


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
we have an herloom crib bumper my mom made, I thought about hanging it on the outside of the crib, do you think that is safe?

I know the risk of bumpers is SIDS, but you can't get to it on the outside! Maybe.

I think the airflow restriction is what makes it unsafe...that and the bumper ties, which can be choked on or involved in strangulation. I don't know. I'm still kind of murky on what exactly makes it so dangerous.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
We had a similar thing happen with my MIL. She gave us an adorable crib bumper to match the beautiful wood crib she bought for our baby shower. It's very cute but crib bumpers are considered unsafe. In the end we told her the truth (that the bumper was cute but not considered safe for babies). It clearly hurt her feelings but we felt it was better to be honest than to have to lie and try to pretend we use something that we never would.

In the end we're keeping it for other purposes...a cushion or floor pad, maybe? It _is_ really cute...

Crib bumpers are fine if you put them lower so that the top is even with the top of the matress. That's how we use ours....to hide the sides of the matress where the sheet doesn't cover perfectly.


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
Crib bumpers are fine if you put them lower so that the top is even with the top of the matress. That's how we use ours....to hide the sides of the matress where the sheet doesn't cover perfectly.

Thats what we did with ours too!! So I still get the prettiness but everything is all safe too


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Carseats now come with expiration dates. If yours has one, maybe you're past the date. If it's too old to have one, it's too old to use. Plus you don't know the history of it - if it's every been in an accident, you're supposed to never use it again, kwim?

ETA... re: crib bumpers. My dd never slept in a crib until after she was 2 and it was switched to a toddler bed... we use the crib bumper in there though, so she doesn't bonk her head on the rails... plus it looks pretty.


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## boscopup (Jul 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
I've thought that I could get one of those strollers that you can put the carseat on and giving it to one of the grandmas for outings? Where would I get something like that. I just saw that it is expired too. I wouldn't mind grandma-ing it as a stroller! I don't see myself using a stroller, but grandma may!

Most grandparents don't know about expired carseats and such. I would suggest nicely bringing up the subject about how expired carseats aren't safe, and you're sorry she spent money on a seat you can't use. When a carseat expires, the plastic actually degrades and could come apart in an accident. That's why they have expiration dates. Just educate her on some safety stuff. I like the idea of finding an article that talks about what baby items shouldn't be bought used. That might be helpful to grandma. I'm sure grandma means well and just doesn't know the latest on baby stuff. I wouldn't expect her to. I know when I was a kid, my parents had us all playing in the back of the station wagon when I was just 3 years old. No restraint whatsoever!

I was thinking that seat would probably be expired, as I think they stopped making 3-pt harnesses a long time ago, didn't they?

Unfortunately, carseats aren't recyclable. You just have to remove the straps and throw it away when you're done using it in some manner. But that is a great idea to use it as a place to sit baby while showering or something.


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## MamaMonica (Sep 22, 2002)

Moved to Family Safety.


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## jenniferadurham (Apr 6, 2008)

I personally would tell her...if she cares at all about your child then it won't hurt her feelings. It's not YOUR fault that it's a recall.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I think you should just tell her. Tell her that her gift was very thoughtfull, and that you don't want to offend her... however SAFETY is your number one goal- as is hers







and that you are unable to use the seat because......

What exactly are you scared of? If you are scared of upsetting Grandma to be, then you are REALLY going to have problems when the baby comes and you all don't agree on everything. It's going to happen, it's enevitable. All people do things differently and rasing children can bring out the monster in us all. I'm sorry you feel this way, maybe DH sould be the one to tell her.

I don't think this is a reason for her to get upset- it just isn't safe. It's not that you don't like or appreciate the gift- it's safety. Period.


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## CAndMe (Feb 6, 2008)

If they sold them at Walmart/K-mart/Target you can take it in and they will give you the original amount. A friend of mine was about to get rid of a swing her son outgrew, found out it was recalled, and got the money in full (w/o the box, receipt, anything). I would call ahead to make sure for that specific seat though.


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## Lisa85 (May 22, 2006)

Quote:

In the end we're keeping it for other purposes...a cushion or floor pad, maybe? It is really cute...
We use ours on the girls' BGB in between the mattress and the safety rails. There's a small gap that collects socks, toys, sometimes cups, etc so that prevents it. If dd/ds's bed when he's older is up against a wall, you could put the bumper there to avoid his head bumping into the wall in the middle of the night. Pillows obviously would do the same thing, but not nearly as pretty.

Quote:

I'd let her know that you found a recall notice on the carseat and that it's not safe.
This, but I would also tell her how much you appreciate the thought. If possible, I would tell her after you exchange it at the fire station, assuming you can do that.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
I will try, shes a "garage-sale-er" kind of a shopping compulsion. I'm afraid this is the beginning of the end. Plus my confrontations skills are.... crappy. I may let it leak back through the family that the seat isn't safe and maybe to ask if I need something?

I feel like that is looking a gift horse in the mouth. sigh, I have some thinking to do.

I would address. It is not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Ideally, she should have been responsible since she was buying a used one. I mean, duh. I love yardsaling, and I have had people give me used carseats. I ask if it's been in an accident, and I check for recalls.

But things like that grandparents should ask what you want, I mean, if they're paying for bigger items, get what the receiver wants. JMO.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

No offense but being a mom means standing up for your family and your families safety, I think you need to suck up your fear of confrontation. This will be good practice for a lifetime of looking out for your children, tell your MIL straight up, "I appreciate you trying to save us money, but this seat is not safe."


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## DahliaRW (Apr 16, 2005)

I would approach it as "Thank you so much for buying the carseat. While looking at the seat, I realized this car seat is expired, has been recalled, etc. I want you to know that I can't use it as it's unsafe for the baby, and I know you want the baby to be safe. I found a great site for looking up recalls. Let me give it to you so when you're out shopping you can look to see if something you want to purchase is recalled, etc". I think that giving the whole picture you might avoid having her go out and buy you another seat (or piece of baby gear) that is equally dangerous.


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## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
I've thought that I could get one of those strollers that you can put the carseat on and giving it to one of the grandmas for outings? Where would I get something like that. I just saw that it is expired too. I wouldn't mind grandma-ing it as a stroller! I don't see myself using a stroller, but grandma may!

I have not finished the thread, but I would not do this, what if grandma decided to take babe for a car ride since she had the seat?


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

I think there are a few good books out there on "being a grandparent in this day and age" that would talk about things like product safety, in addition to other stuff. Maybe you could get her that as a gift?

I think it's not a good idea to use the bucket snap-in strollers, in any case. Small babies should be lying flat if they're in a stroller.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyto3girls* 
I have not finished the thread, but I would not do this, what if grandma decided to take babe for a car ride since she had the seat?

honestly, she will probably never have the baby without me or DH near by. I will weld it it the stroller frame if I have to. DH said zippy ties would thwart his mom.

It would seem less ungrateful if I said "I can't use it in the car, it's expired, but I can use it as a stroller! Thank you!"

"I think it's not a good idea to use the bucket snap-in strollers, in any case. Small babies should be lying flat if they're in a stroller."

What? Its ok to be in the carseat in the car but not in the mall?

I'm not fan of buckets, and totally not a fan of strollers, so I haven't done research on either of these things


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## woodchick (Jan 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
It would seem less ungrateful if I said "I can't use it in the car, it's expired, but I can use it as a stroller! Thank you!"

I know for us (and our <800 sqft home) this would be the top of a slippery slope. Especially with a grandma who likes to find a good bargain. There are lots of ways to stroll a baby (and nicer ways for not too much $ than a carseat) and other places to put babe while you shower. Having an extra carseat around just for those purposes would be crazy for us.

Who knows what other things she'll find that she thinks you'll find a use for. And then you'll have to be grateful for those things too.

I really think that honesty and education are your best bets for now and into the future. Only keep that seat for a stroller if you really intended to use something similar anyway. Otherwise it is clutter. And emotional clutter at that because you didn't even want it!


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

I have to agree w/woodchick. Cut her off now before she starts piling you with stuff you don't want and will never use. Trust me. BTDT... and now I'm stuck w/the junk/guilt.


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## cognito (Nov 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
"I think it's not a good idea to use the bucket snap-in strollers, in any case. Small babies should be lying flat if they're in a stroller."

What? Its ok to be in the carseat in the car but not in the mall?

I'm not fan of buckets, and totally not a fan of strollers, so I haven't done research on either of these things

Ideally for any length of time in a stroller a newborn should be lying flat. It's better for little airways & makes breathing easier. Unfortunately, most people use the travel system with the carseat from day 1 and abuse the feature.

Newborns & itty bitty babies need the full 45 degree recline in the carseat because it's the safest compromise for breathing & being safe. Being any flatter would be dangerous in an accident.

At a few months old (when they have better head control), it might be ok in the stroller. It wouldn't last long though. Most babies don't fit into those seats very long. Jareth is 6mo & will probably be in a convertible by 9mo. He's a peanut though. Milo was out of the same seat at 3mo. Those little stroller frames are kinda pricy too. They retail $50-60 new & I haven't seen any used lately.

If you use it around the house, then be sure it's buckled & the straps are snug. Babies learn to throw themselves out of contraptions at an early age. Jareth can escape the swing/carseat/bouncy seat if he's not buckled.


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## ElaynesMom (May 24, 2008)

I agree that you should just explain that it is not safe as it was recalled etc,. That's not your fault, and you aren't being ungrateful. You're wanting to keep your baby safe. I know it's hard telling someone you can't use a gift they have given you, but this is about safety. No one is to blame, she didn't know it was unsafe, you can't use it, it happens sometimes. If you make it seem like it's no one's fault, and that this is something new you learned too, everything should be fine.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

I think you should just tell her why you can't use it. It's not that you don't like the color or something trivial like that. It has been recalled. End of story.


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## ABmom (Mar 6, 2008)

SInce it is a safetly issue, I would not use it and tell MIL why. I'm not for confrontation as well but you have to be an advocate for your baby. She may or may not be hurt but you have to tell her why you don't use it as she intended. This goes with any other gifts she or others may give the baby. Both my mom and MIL have given things that are really unsafe until the babies are older (handknit blankets, oufits with tiny buttons, etc). I'm sure that your MIL will understand. If you have trouble telling her then have your dh do it. And like others and yourself have mentioned, this will be the first of many gifts that MIL and others will give that may not be appropriate so you might as well be honest (but nice) now.

Be strong!


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

I may just have to be a b!tch. If I say anything about it being expired, and not being able to use it she's going to hear "I don't want this and you don't know what you're doing"

My house is too small to have a carseat in the house, we have >900sqft. I really don't want my house overrun with yard sale crap. I've told my mom this, but MIL is very sensitive. She's also very self centered, I'm really suprised that she has even acknowledged that I'm preggo.


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## woodchick (Jan 5, 2007)

Have your DP talk to her. Let her know that you appreciate the thought/gifts, but you can not accept items that are unsafe for your child. If she continues to buy them you'll be disposing of them.

It's her money to spend. You are not responsible for her spending habits, but you need to make yourselves clear.

Have you made a registry yet? Or maybe even just a list of things you like? Start dropping hints or going out with her and notice the things you like. Is this her first grandbaby? She's probably more excited than she lets on and it is coming through in her shopping.

I'd also suggest picking your battles. We get alot of clothes that we either wouldn't have chosen or flat out hate. MIL is getting better at listening and noticing what we like, but I don't make a battle out of it. DD wears the non offensive stuff and we consign the stuff we hate. It's not worth fighting over. The carseat would definitely be something we talked about.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Couldn't you just tell her it's been recalled and you had to take it back?


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Couldn't you just tell her it's been recalled and you had to take it back?









:
I really think it should not be such a big deal!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
I've thought that I could get one of those strollers that you can put the carseat on and giving it to one of the grandmas for outings? Where would I get something like that. I just saw that it is expired too. I wouldn't mind grandma-ing it as a stroller! I don't see myself using a stroller, but grandma may!

I don't know that I'd trust grandma not to try installing it in her car.

If you end up throwing it away, be sure to cut the straps, tear up the cover, and take a hammer to the plastic.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
I don't know that I'd trust grandma not to try installing it in her car.

There wouldn't be a baby alone with grandma while they are small enough to be in this seat. I know she's insane, she messed up 2 of her 3 kids, I am still deprogramming DH.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Couldn't you just tell her it's been recalled and you had to take it back?

its from 1999, I'm sure she got it at a garage sale, this isn't an option.

I've decided that because FIL acually brought it over, he has to tell her I threw it away







:

FIL and DH race cars the _know_ about car safety, they _know_ that you can't race with the same harness year after year, what makes him think a carseat from '99 is going to cut it? I declared myself out of the MIL situation. DH and FIL need to handle this. I know I am responsible for handling my mom and dad when DH gets pissy, so same for him!


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
No offense but being a mom means standing up for your family and your families safety, I think you need to suck up your fear of confrontation. This will be good practice for a lifetime of looking out for your children, tell your MIL straight up, "I appreciate you trying to save us money, but this seat is not safe."









: ...and if you don't tell her, and you pussyfoot around trying to make it fine and finding some silly use for it, than it just sets you up for more of the same issues coming down the road. And believe me when I say there will be plenty. The seat is unbelievably expired AND recalled and you want to find a reason to use it to save her feelings?


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