# SO Moms of Children Close Together...



## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Just saw the thread on Moms of Onlies or spaced far apart...great discussion point! And it made me brave enough to ask a question I've been wondering...

For those who had a many close together or quickly, why?

DH and I have been baby crazy since DD was born and once my cycles straightened out we TTC and won the lottery.







But lately as my tummy makes it easy to tell I'm preggers, I've been getting the comments.... you know "ah, the broken condom oopsie!" or "now you've made your bed, have fun with that!"

So 'fess up...is it just true that most closely spaced babies are oopsies, or is this just another way to make every parent, no matter family size or design, to feel hurt. lol


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## liberal_chick (May 22, 2005)

We are going to have two that are 18 months apart and, for us, is was an oops. A big one.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

to both you ladies. Dh and I were actually wanting to win the "baby lottery," too, and have our babies pretty close together. But the luck we "drew," was that we now have 2 girls almost 5 years apart. Which has actually worked out quite well for our unique family.

It's kind of funny, because people probably look at our spacing and assume we "planned" it that way, whereas they (rudely) look at your spacing and assume you didn't or that your plans were thwarted. It makes me angry when people make such hateful comments about a human being.









I'm very happy for you, claddaghmom and liberal_chick! Really, there are benefits to both your situations and mine. One of your benefits is that, as your babies get a little older, both of them will have a built-in playmate!


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

Our two will be 22 months apart and it was very planned. If we would have been successful in TTC right away they would have been even closer together. I wanted it that way. My siblings and I are that close together and I always loved it growing up.


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## berry987 (Apr 23, 2008)

I have three boys (5, 3 and 1) - the first two are 21 months apart, the second are 27 months apart. They were all planned. I actually wanted #2 and #3 closer together, but it took longer to get pregnant.

As for the "oopsies" comments - I think people just say inappropriate things all the time. So, if we are mothers of one child we are raising spoiled brats and if we have kids close together we must have made a mistake or else we're crazy? We can't win! I guess we're all supposed to have two kids, spaced 3 or4 years apart (and it better be a boy and a girl or else we'll get gender comments!) - maybe that would be met with approval?


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## zippy_francis (Jan 9, 2008)

Our DD's are 16 mo apart, and they were BOTH oopsies! Did I think I would survive being pregnant and nursing for pretty much 3 yrs straight? no (hello, is this MY body or am I just a landlord?) Do sometimes I think that having 2 girls this close in age is going to be a nightmare, say teen years? Yes!

But oopsies or not I never really got rude comments. I think the one that I heard the most was "Dont you know what causes that?" and my response usually was "Nope, still trying to figure it out" It kind of was funny, of course some people may have been trying to be ugly by saying it, but my response usually shut them down. I always laughed, because I pretty much put people on IGNORE when they start spewing their unwanted opinions my way.

I am baffled that pregnancy and parenthood literally bring people out of the woodwork with their thoughts and opinions. Out of all the surprises with being a mom, annoying people and their annoying opinions, surprises me the most, still


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

My younger 2 are 12.5months apart - PLANNED though I didn't think it's happen that quickly.lol

I had surgery when my middle one (then the youngest) was 3months old, got AF the next day & 2 weeks later I was pg. I had finished bf'ing the day before my surgery & did not think anything would regulate as it did, I'd been getting AF every 2-3 weeks since she was 6weeks old.

We wanted our last 2 kids close together simply to get the baby stuff out of the way.lol

My older 2 are 2 years 4 months apart, though I had 2 mc's between them.

My body does not like me being pg. My dr had no problems when I told him(still pg with my middle one) that we were planning on TTC ASAP, after my gallbladder came out. I was not doing another pg with that thing in me.

I didn't care if people commented on how close they were. The only one that bugged me was the nurse commenting that I didn't listen to dr's orders(you know, not having sex for 6 weeks). It bugged me because she can't count.lol

Those 2 are almost 9(next week) and almost 8. They often get asked if they're twins, people buy them the same clothes(not always in different colours), same toys, have good chances of ending up in the same class(though different grades) and every other year end up in some of the same extracurricular activities(which makes my life easier) due to the ages they are those years.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I'm pregnant with #3, and all of mine are 23 months apart. If all goes well, we'll have #4 when #3 is 23 months old (and then be done).

I have a brother 14 months younger than me, and I always liked it. Dh is one of 4 children, but there is a 10 year gap between #3 and #4 (him). He always hated that big gap and being the de facto only child. So, for us, it's planned, and we're happy with the spacing (though grocery shopping is a bit nutty at times!







)


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## mama_ani (Aug 2, 2007)

My three very closely spaced children were definitely planned that way. My first was 1 year, 1 month, 21 days when #2 was born (#2 was 26 days late) and #2 was 1 year, 6 months, 18 days when #3 was born (and she was 28 days early!) I never wanted/planned such a large space between #3 and #4 and I even found 2 years, 1 month, 10 days too much space between #4 and #5. Now that I'm a single parent I'm probably done with babies but would have more and have them close together if I had the choice.

No matter how many kids you have, what spacing or what gender, people say stupid and ignorant things. They just do!


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## mama2myangels07 (May 2, 2007)

My daughter and the one I'm pregnant with will be just under a year apart.


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

Glad my thread could promote such great conversations









Quote:


Originally Posted by *berry987* 
I have three boys (5, 3 and 1) - the first two are 21 months apart, the second are 27 months apart. They were all planned. I actually wanted #2 and #3 closer together, but it took longer to get pregnant.

As for the "oopsies" comments - I think people just say inappropriate things all the time. So, if we are mothers of one child we are raising spoiled brats and if we have kids close together we must have made a mistake or else we're crazy? We can't win! I guess we're all supposed to have two kids, spaced 3 or4 years apart (and it better be a boy and a girl or else we'll get gender comments!) - maybe that would be met with approval?









That's about it. No matter what you do, if it's not a boy and a girl spaced about 2 years apart, you're wrong and your children will suffer for it.


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Ours are 22 months apart, and this was intentional. Actually we were trying to have them a little closer than that, but it worked out well. For us the reason was simple. I was 33 when DS was born, 35 when dd was born and we didn't know when we got pg with dd if we were finished yet or not. We had actually planned on 3, but #2 pregnancy wasn't kind all around and decided we were happy with only 2. As we were considering up to 4 and I really didn't want to be pregnant when I was 40 (personal preference), we didn't have a lot of time to waste!


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## ~Katie~ (Mar 18, 2007)

Mine are 20 months apart, and were planned that way because our spacing had to be worked around deployment. We anticipated having some time together as a family of 4 before he left (at least 6 months). We found out the plan would be changing (as it always does) when I was about 20 weeks pregnant and I've ended up raising both of them alone during her first year, but we've made it work. I would not do this again if I had any shadow of a doubt that I would not have someone to co-parent with at least for the first year, so I'll wait as long as it takes for my DH to be present for everything before we plan for #3. In theory it would be nice to have #2 and #3 close together but I mentally and physically cannot handle doing this again.

I didn't get any comments about them being so close, people know I'm in my mid-20's so I've heard "Just keep popping out babies!" more than once







But I do hear the boy and girl comments. DH gets the "Now you can stop having kids!" comment. As if that's anyone's business, he just tells them that it's up to his wife


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## Tizzy (Mar 16, 2007)

My boys are exactly 18 months apart and #3 will be 24 months younger than DS2.
All were perfectly planned









For me, I like to do things in stages. I'm just like that, I latch on to something and obsess. So it suits me to have them all at a similar stage, and then we'll move on to the next stage. I haven't had too many negative comments, and I have to say I actually REALLY appreciate the positive comments. Generally if a stranger asks how close in age my boys are, they relate with how close their children are and how much they loved it. Even today someone was telling me what hard work it is to have them so close, but how she found it very rewarding and her kids are still close now that they are grown.

In a way I also find it easier because they play with all the same toys, they wear a lot of the same clothes, they can do a lot of the same activities, they eat a lot of the same foods. Plus they've just always known about sharing and having to consider other people in life - not just themselves. That's a hard lesson for little kids!

If I had my way, I'd have them spaced even closer, but I can't get pregnant while nursing so it's a decision I have to make - wean or wait to TTC.


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## mummyofan (Jun 25, 2008)

fab thread!
really enjoyed reading them.
Mine are 20 months apart, boy girl(though never minded, indeed we thought Natasha was a boy at the 20 week), always wanted 2 always wanted them close....love it.
I got pregnant with my second as soon as we made the decision, and we have 2 children who are in love with each other's every move, get frustrated when separated for any length, and share for the most part very well (though not always with friends!!)

I get "are they twins?" which is wierd as they're REALLY not alike in shape or size! and the moderately hurtful one "I'll bet you'd not have them that close if you had a second chance" or "rather you than me" at which point I get snippy and say, "yep, me, too!"

The only times I find hard are the 'new phases' that aren't so nice, and as we don't have grandparents anywhere near, or a support network to call on like you do an extended family, I find myself getting tired and snippy sometimes. I guess though I'm not alone in that!


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## LaLaLaLa (Oct 29, 2007)

My kids are 19 months apart, and we planned it that way. We actually wanted them a bit closer together, but couldn't manage it.

My brother and I are 19 months apart; DH and his sister are 5 years apart. When we were thinking the time was right to start a family, we talked a lot about how our age differences affected our sibling relationships, and decided that for our kids we wanted them close together. We haven't had any nasty comments at all about their ages, maybe because we spent far too much time in advance declaring our family plan?







And now that they are 4 and 5 years old, they are able to play together and interact in a way that makes it seem a wiser decision to rush one right after the other.


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

We have 4 little ones 7,5,3,1. They are 21,23, and 25 months apart. Each one of them were very much planned.

The comments people have made to you, OP, are just plain rude. Just as rude as people saying to us, "don't you know what causes that".


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I'm guessing 2 years is considered close together (I have four, each 23-25 months apart). They were all planned, wanted, and we were TTC.

For me, one thing was the strong urge for another baby by the first birthday - another is wanting my kids to be closer in age just b/c it seemed ideal at the time, I guess. And actually, now at 3, 5, 7, and 9 -- it has worked out well. They all play together. Sure, they have their moments, but they have similar interests and can certainly entertain one another for long periods of time. The oldest two are in the same class (a 6-9 Montessori room), and beg to sleep together at night even though they have their own rooms. The middle two play a lot together, and the younger two, do, too. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's cu-razy in my house. But it's a fun chaos, I guess. Loud, busy, wild kiddos - but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Having a toddler and newborn, for me, wasn't bad at all. It helps that all four of my babies were very calm and easy going (so, no high needs here). Crying was rare; I could put them down, they nursed back to sleep easily at night, never knew when they were teething, etc.

I would love to have #5 - and it looks like if it ever happens I will for the first time have a big age gap (4 years)... but we have been trying for a long time, so it's not intentional to have such a large spacing -- but, I can definitely see that there will be benefits this way.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaylaBeanie* 







Glad my thread could promote such great conversations









That's about it. No matter what you do, if it's not a boy and a girl spaced about 2 years apart, you're wrong and your children will suffer for it.









In my circles, it seems that 3 years is the fad now! Apparently if it's any less than 3 years, you're robbing the children and they will be psychologically traumatized.
















It's a darned if you do, darned if you don't environment for sure! I remember oodles of horribly rude comments growing up (directed at my mom and dad). But then I have a very clear memory of my childhood friend bawling b/c she thought she had somehow "broken" her mommy and that's why she was an only child. I wish I could have said something back then. I like to tell moms of onelies that Jesus was an only child.







Maybe I'm trying to say what I couldn't say as a kid.









People are so rude!


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## dogretro (Jun 17, 2008)

OP, you didn't say how old your dd is, so idk what you consider "close". Ours will be 24 months apart & that seems to be an acceptable space. No negative comments. Seems to me that you are expected to have 2 kids 2-3 years apart. You can toss in a third at 2+ years also, but you'd better not wait "too long" for that third (it will be an assumed "oops"), nor should you ever try for more than three. UNLESS you have had a "large gap" (5+ years) between 2 & 3, and THEN it is okay to have a fourth so that #3 will also have a sibling close in age. Definitely do not have three of the same sex in a row & then have a fourth of the opposite sex or people will assume that you "kept on trying" to get that other sex (whether or not it is true). If your first two are less than 2 years apart, do not try and have more kids, you obviously have learned nothing. If you stop after one kid, you obviously hate kids & probably only had that one b/c it was "the next step". I should really create a flow chart









Anyway, like I said, I feel that our spacing is pretty normal. There are tons and tons of siblings who are 2 years apart, nothing new or special over here 







Jesus also was not widely believed to be their only child, just their first born, although it is a nice thought


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dogretro* 
OP, you didn't say how old your dd is, so idk what you consider "close". Ours will be 24 months apart & that seems to be an acceptable space. No negative comments. Seems to me that you are expected to have 2 kids 2-3 years apart. You can toss in a third at 2+ years also, but you'd better not wait "too long" for that third (it will be an assumed "oops"), nor should you ever try for more than three. UNLESS you have had a "large gap" (5+ years) between 2 & 3, and THEN it is okay to have a fourth so that #3 will also have a sibling close in age. Definitely do not have three of the same sex in a row & then have a fourth of the opposite sex or people will assume that you "kept on trying" to get that other sex (whether or not it is true). If your first two are less than 2 years apart, do not try and have more kids, you obviously have learned nothing. If you stop after one kid, you obviously hate kids & probably only had that one b/c it was "the next step". I should really create a flow chart









Anyway, like I said, I feel that our spacing is pretty normal. There are tons and tons of siblings who are 2 years apart, nothing new or special over here







Jesus also was not widely believed to be their only child, just their first born, although it is a nice thought









LOL That should be a flow chart!









DD will be 23 months when the baby is born. So in my mind, not a bad age. My only concern is nursing and I'm willing to stay the course and also tandem nurse. Keeping my fingers crossed on supply.


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## dogretro (Jun 17, 2008)

Oh, yeah, I think 23 months apart is totally normal! Obviously


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

My first two were totally planned and 20 months apart - we wanted them 18 months apart but took longer to get preg. My third is our miracle baby - conceived on day 27 of a normal 29 day cycle and she implanted as I was bleeding heavily for two weeks (no explanation was ever found). She's the best surprise I ever got. She and ds2 are 14 months and 1 day apart.

I am sick of the "boy you sure have your hands full!" comments (My kids are now 3, 18 mo, and 4 mo). Uh, really?

I did overhear the guy behind me in line at Starbucks remark to his companion about my kids "you do the crime you do the time!"







after she had said something lovely like "what beautiful children" or somesuch. I wish I had told him off but I have a hard time contravening social norms...I'm working on that


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

DD and DS2 and 19 mos apart, planned and would have been closer but it took me a couple of cycles! The next one was 28 mos after that. Planned,all.

I had a coworker who, when I announced I was pregnant, her mouth hung open and with a horrified look she shrieked, "AGAIN?" I have never wanted to punch anyone so much.

I can't believe people make these comments in front of the children. Yes, even if they were oopsies, I wouldn't want to talk about the as if they were mistakes, right in front of them!!

People are idiots. When I had one (there was 11 years between number one and number two) I got all the comments about when would I have another and how spoiled he would be.

Since I had a boy and a girl, no one could understand why we had a third, but since ds1 isn't dh's they assumed he wanted his OWN boy. He got asked so many times when I was pg with dd if he was dispointed(that she was a girl, my own brother comment that dh must not be man enough to make a boy) that he wanted to punch people! Then when the third was a boy so that dh got "HIS" boy, they were even more horrified about number four. My mother said when I was pg with number three "I want another girl, but I hope (your dh) gets his boy so you can be done" and she repeated that, no matter how many times I told her, "we are having one more no matter which gender this one is".


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## Red Pajama (Jun 11, 2007)

Mine came as twins, so I had no say in the matter.


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## luv (Mar 20, 2007)

Ditto below. I have two kids 18 months apart. 100% planned.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tizzy* 
I haven't had too many negative comments, and I have to say I actually REALLY appreciate the positive comments. Generally if a stranger asks how close in age my boys are, they relate with how close their children are and how much they loved it. Even today someone was telling me what hard work it is to have them so close, but how she found it very rewarding and her kids are still close now that they are grown.

In a way I also find it easier because they play with all the same toys, they wear a lot of the same clothes, they can do a lot of the same activities, they eat a lot of the same foods. Plus they've just always known about sharing and having to consider other people in life - not just themselves. That's a hard lesson for little kids!


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Our two will be 28 months apart, and they were *planned* that way. The planning was basically that we knew we wanted kids close together, so we just didn't use birth control after DS was born. I was bfing long enough to put some natural spacing in, and we had one miscarriage, so we actually are having LO#2 a little later than we otherwise would have, but it's fine. Probably better for us.

I come from a family where kids were five years+ apart, and while there are benefits for the parents, I always felt like I would have been better served by not being the center of attention for so long before my sister came along. I think no matter what age your older children are, having a new baby is disruptive and takes the attention away; I was five and REALLY felt it. I also think there is a benefit in teaching children that they are not the center of the universe, something that seems to me infinitely easier to learn at a younger age than later.

But philosophy aside, I'm also in my thirties, and I didn't want to wait too long, so it was either one child or two close together. And we wanted two. That's it!


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## gaudynight (Sep 10, 2007)

I have four girls 7 and under and I'm pg with number five. DD4 was unplanned (so was DD1, which is a whole other story...) but the rest were. I think people just roll their eyes at us now. We're like the kid equivalents of crazy cat ladies.

When I watch them play I'm glad they're so close together. Just not thinking too hard about the teenage years yet...


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## liberal_chick (May 22, 2005)

Can those of you with, like, 18 month age gaps tell me how things went when the baby arrived? Especially if the older child was high needs. That is what freaks me out more than anything. I can remember being so tired when ds2 was an itty bitty that I couldn't even drive ds1 to preschool. I'd sleep until at least noon everyday! I am really nervous about having one that is still so needy and a new baby. Ds1 could kind of fend for himself when I was out of it, but ds2 won't be able to do that.


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## honey-lilac (Jun 30, 2009)

My two are 10 months apart. My midwife said while I was still recovering from my first labor, with DH in the room, that we didn't have to wait for sex, just do it whenever I felt up to it. I believed the lies they said about not being able to get pregnant when nursing round-the-clock, two weeks or so after delivery.







To be fair, we weren't *trying* to be uncareful. We had always used withdrawal as birth control (very effectively I may add) but uh, while I was pregnant that wasn't necessary.







So DH forgot that he had to pay attention. Oh well, we figured, next time we'd be more careful. Except, that one time was all it took.

My older child was not only high needs but special needs. I can't say it's been easy. I did not get to enjoy either of their babyhoods.







And I was and am totally spent and exhausted all day, every day. But we have survived and now when my older one is turning 3, I am even getting baby lust for a third. I know, I'm crazy.

ETA: I agree that it's great as far as developmental stuff goes. They wear one another's clothing (they're the same size) and they entertain each other well (when they're not wrestling or beating each other up). My younger is slightly ahead and my older is slightly behind so mentally they're pretty much at the same age. Physically though my son (older) is better with physical skills so my daughter gets left behind a little bit but not much. The worst is the jealousy, they both need mama sometimes and fight over who gets to sit in my lap, and sometimes it was like triage when they were younger and both were crying, I couldn't physically meet both their needs at the same time sometimes. But honestly it's fun to have them a similar age. We also plan on homeschooling so it will help that we can put them in the same "grade" if you will. The sleep is the hardest though, I am so sleep deprived (both are cruddy sleepers) and they totally gang up on me now that they are a bit more defiant toddlers. When one is behaving the other will act up and the other will then copy, so they get into WAY more trouble that they have two little brains to think up ways to destroy the house etc. And going on outings is hard because they run in separate directions when it's time to go - carrying one tantrumming toddler to the car is hard but two tantrumming toddlers is that much harder. And if one starts the other one WILL start just because, even without knowing the reason. But then they will kiss each other or hug each other or share something, or share a laugh even at some private joke, and I'm really glad they have each other.


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## mambera (Sep 29, 2009)

For those with planned close spacing, what did you do about breastfeeding?

I see from a poll on the Family Planning board that it's common to take a year or more (up to 3 even) for cycles to return. I'm 9 mo PP right now and no sign of AF.

Did you wean in order to get pg and if so, at what age?


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mambera* 
For those with planned close spacing, what did you do about breastfeeding?

I see from a poll on the Family Planning board that it's common to take a year or more (up to 3 even) for cycles to return. I'm 9 mo PP right now and no sign of AF.

Did you wean in order to get pg and if so, at what age?

I got my cycles back at 7 months pp both times. I did need to supplement (with Vitex) to get pregnant all 3 times, and I waited until my babies were 12 months old to do that.


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## aaronsmom (Jan 22, 2007)

My DS and DD are 22 months apart, planned. I love it! They are so close to each other, they're like best friends. Baby in utero was not planned but he'll be about 2.5 years younger than DD. I like the close spacing. I definitely get weird/rude comments but I just roll my eyes at those people.


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## srs (Nov 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dogretro* 
OP, you didn't say how old your dd is, so idk what you consider "close". Ours will be 24 months apart & that seems to be an acceptable space. No negative comments. Seems to me that you are expected to have 2 kids 2-3 years apart. You can toss in a third at 2+ years also, but you'd better not wait "too long" for that third (it will be an assumed "oops"), nor should you ever try for more than three. UNLESS you have had a "large gap" (5+ years) between 2 & 3, and THEN it is okay to have a fourth so that #3 will also have a sibling close in age. Definitely do not have three of the same sex in a row & then have a fourth of the opposite sex or people will assume that you "kept on trying" to get that other sex (whether or not it is true). If your first two are less than 2 years apart, do not try and have more kids, you obviously have learned nothing. If you stop after one kid, you obviously hate kids & probably only had that one b/c it was "the next step". I should really create a flow chart









Made my morning.









Mine are not super close, and a girl and a boy, but I fully expect the comments if we have #3 or beyond.


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## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mambera* 
For those with planned close spacing, what did you do about breastfeeding?

I see from a poll on the Family Planning board that it's common to take a year or more (up to 3 even) for cycles to return. I'm 9 mo PP right now and no sign of AF.

Did you wean in order to get pg and if so, at what age?

I got my cycle back pretty early, around 4 months, exclusively breastfeeding with no bottles or pacifiers, round the clock nursing, tandem nursing, didn't matter. We didn't use any kind of birth control until #4 was a certain age (I didn't want to have a baby while my dh was deployed, though that didn't work out for me







and I am expecting #5 in Sept) and I got pregnant around the 1 year mark each time. I am still nursing my 5yo, 3yo, and 16mo. I did not (and I feel reasonably confident saying I would not) wean or cut down on nursing to get pregnant.

I suppose none of my kids were "planned" but they were all expected to some extent and very much wanted. We just let nature take its course, so to say. My kids are almost 7, 5, 3, and 16 months with spacing of 20-24 months.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Ive never actually told my entire story here before. What a great opportunity! Thank you!

I was on the pill for 13 years before I started trying to get pregnant. When I went off of it, I could NOT get my cycle back! I was actually taking chlomid and provera to try to get things going. After about a year, I got pregnant with Charlie. Had him Sept 2007.

Charlie and I had a very hard time with BFing. I was misinformed by my MIL, who had such an oversupply and engorgement with all four kids, she had me thinking that's just how it was. So I started to think something was wrong with me. I wasn't putting Charlie to the breast enough in the beginning, therefore my supply suffered. Plus I was seeing a nasty mainstream ped who told me supplementing was FINE. Well that was the beginning of the end of it all. By 4 months PP, I just gave up (Wasn't an MDC member yet) Therefore, cycle came back FULL FORCE. Thinking it was so hard for me to get pregnant with Charlie, I wouldn't get pregnant that easily again.

I was all set to go back on the pill, and was just waiting to get my period again so that I could start it that Sunday. I really had only had it the one time at 4 months PP. So Im waiting, and waiting, and waiting. After about a week in a half (And at this point, Im still not thinking anything of it because, lets face it, I just had a baby 4 months ago, my period is NOT going to be back on 28 days!) So one night we are driving home from a party, and my husband asks me if I got my period yet. No. Have you taken a pregnancy test? No. Well why don't we do that when we get home? Ok.

The look I gave him when the second line popped up IMMEDIATELY was indescribable. To this day I remember that feeling of OMG, and that was two years ago this weekend!


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## aja-belly (Oct 7, 2004)

none of our's were "oopsies". jet was after years of trying. marvel was adopted (and we got really really lucky to adopt so quickly and easily). we conceived the twins on the first cycle trying.


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## sonie716 (Jun 23, 2008)

We neither plan nor prevent, just let God do his thing. My children are 6, 2,1 and one due in 2 weeks.

My littlest ones are 19 months apart and 14 months apart. There are times when it is challenging, especially at the beginning of pregnancy, as I get hyperemisis or really darn sick and its hard to just survive most days. Other than that I love it. I also have a wonderful husband who helps me whenever I need and helps with the children all the time, with out him, I would go nutto.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:

For those with planned close spacing, what did you do about breastfeeding?

I see from a poll on the Family Planning board that it's common to take a year or more (up to 3 even) for cycles to return. I'm 9 mo PP right now and no sign of AF.

Did you wean in order to get pg and if so, at what age?
I was bf'ing on demand until my middle one was about 3 weeks old. For reasons NOT related to getting pg I planned on being done bf'ing by the time she was 3months old. I weaned her & was done at 3months. I got AF at 6weeks pp & every 2-3 weeks after that until I got pg when she was 3.5months old.

When I had *that* baby I bf'd on demand until she was 18months. I STILL got AF when I was 6weeks pp & every 2-3 weeks until she was 3months. Then it disappeared for 4months, came back for 5 & disappeared for 4-5 months & then came back for good. The more I nursed the more AF came, the less I nursed the longer it stayed away for.

With my oldest(I only have the 3 kids), AF came when she was 7months old.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

my cycles returned right around a year post-partum - even when I was tandem nursing all. the. time (or it felt like it, at least). My milk didn't dry up, maybe decreased for a while, but my then 2 yo kept nursing like a newborn.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Oops here!









I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever (is that enough evers?!) plan to have babies closer than 3 years apart in age. Ever. Ever ever.









Editing to add: Mine are 20 months apart.

Ever.

Ever ever.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mambera* 
For those with planned close spacing, what did you do about breastfeeding?

I see from a poll on the Family Planning board that it's common to take a year or more (up to 3 even) for cycles to return. I'm 9 mo PP right now and no sign of AF.

Did you wean in order to get pg and if so, at what age?

Another mama here who never used pacis or bottles...in the 1st week I did do some pumping _while_ nursing on demand but quickly got tired of that and DD only got the milk by dropper. We co-sleep, too!

Anyways, DD took to sleeping for long periods of time (3-4hrs or longer) so I got a magical surprise at barely 3 months.









I did not get good temps and cervical fluid until close to 9 months, at which point DH and I thought it would be better to at least wait until she was one year (and especially for me I was worried about losing my milk). Along the way, I suffered an early loss which we think (hope?) was a blighted ovum and then a month later we TTC on Christmas and the rest is history.

DD is still nursing away. I do think my supply has dropped but she has not complained. I am just so so hoping we can continue. I'd love to tandem nurse as I saw it in my childhood and it is really bonding and soothing for the older one. I have a friend who is tandemin a 3yo and 4mo and it's so adorable to see the photos where the 3yo is holding the baby while they both nurse.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
Ive never actually told my entire story here before. What a great opportunity! Thank you!

I was on the pill for 13 years before I started trying to get pregnant. When I went off of it, I could NOT get my cycle back! I was actually taking chlomid and provera to try to get things going. After about a year, I got pregnant with Charlie. Had him Sept 2007.

Charlie and I had a very hard time with BFing. I was misinformed by my MIL, who had such an oversupply and engorgement with all four kids, she had me thinking that's just how it was. So I started to think something was wrong with me. I wasn't putting Charlie to the breast enough in the beginning, therefore my supply suffered. Plus I was seeing a nasty mainstream ped who told me supplementing was FINE. Well that was the beginning of the end of it all. By 4 months PP, I just gave up (Wasn't an MDC member yet) Therefore, cycle came back FULL FORCE. Thinking it was so hard for me to get pregnant with Charlie, I wouldn't get pregnant that easily again.

I was all set to go back on the pill, and was just waiting to get my period again so that I could start it that Sunday. I really had only had it the one time at 4 months PP. So Im waiting, and waiting, and waiting. After about a week in a half (And at this point, Im still not thinking anything of it because, lets face it, I just had a baby 4 months ago, my period is NOT going to be back on 28 days!) So one night we are driving home from a party, and my husband asks me if I got my period yet. No. Have you taken a pregnancy test? No. Well why don't we do that when we get home? Ok.

The look I gave him when the second line popped up IMMEDIATELY was indescribable. To this day I remember that feeling of OMG, and that was two years ago this weekend!









Thanks for sharing! A similar thing happened to my mom. She had a traumatic birth and formula fed me, but hadn't bumped into the idea of LAM/NFP. So a nurse told her she'd be fine until 8-10 weeks. By then she was pregnant.
















Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
Oops here!









I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever (is that enough evers?!) plan to have babies closer than 3 years apart in age. Ever. Ever ever.









Editing to add: Mine are 20 months apart.

Ever.

Ever ever.


















I'm praying I get a laidback baby. Do you think outright praying for it means the powers that be will laugh when they send you a super clingy HNs baby?


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## honey-lilac (Jun 30, 2009)

I already mentioned this in my original post but in case that was too long to catch - I had about a week of heavy lochia, half a week of light lochia, then a week and a half of nothing - then I got what I thought was my period. My midwife laughed at me and said that it wasn't possible as I was still pumping round the clock (but believe it or not my milk NEVER came in, but not for lack of stimulation, herbal supplements, etc.) - anyway it was actually my period, totally normal one, and I was pregnant the next cycle. So I got my period back like... less than a month postpartum.

ETA: With the second pregnancy my milk came in hardcore and I got my period back about 9 months post-partum.


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## Shahbazin (Aug 3, 2006)

My kids are 14 1/2 months apart - & yes, we did mean to have them spaced closely!







Nursing doesn't affect things for me much - I seem to get my cycle back at 3 weeks post partum, despite nursing around the clock - I did have to supplement my 1st DD from about 9 months onward, although she nursed until her sister was born. As to why, on the spacing - well, we put off making a decision on having kids for a long time - careers, lots of stuff going on; suddenly (it seemed) we were at "now or never!", & even though we conceived our 1st fairly easily, we didn't want to wait too long for a 2nd (she was born the month before I turned 40).

I won't say it hasn't been rather hectic at times, & I really wish DH was more of a "hands on" parent, but the girls are almost 4 & nearly 3 now, playing together, & while sometimes I wish I had more arms (when the "mama, hold me!" cries come at the same time), overall, it's starting to really come together.

And yes, I get the "are they twins?" comment a lot....


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## wendybird (Jul 21, 2007)

As I have gotten older nursing my babes does seem to help, but when I was younger obviously it didn't slow things down. We did plan our close spacing, and I do wish we could have any future little ones close in age, but it has spaced out further and further with each child. I have been exclusively breastfeeding when I concieved Christian(#2) and Gavin (#3), and have been mostly breastfeeding(with some solids as they were older) for Logan, Griffon,Jubilee,and Epiphany. I have not had a menstrual cycle in many many years.I test every couple months to have a better idea of when my due date might be!
So there are 11 months between the first two, 14 between the second and third, and then it goes to just shy of two years to two years and a couple months. I LOVE our close knit,close spaced family and would not ever change this!!!
Yep, we have got the which ones are twins thing alot, despite the fact that there are none who look to be the same age.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

ds was planned in that when DD got to about 6 months old we decided to throw caution to the wind, so to speak, and hope for a baby. It only took 3 months (with me nursing DD pretty much full time) and i was pregnant again.

Not sure if I would do it again - the baby+toddler phase was easy peasy, but the toddler+toddler phase was... rough. Part of it, though, was that my son stopped sleeping well around 6 months through 18 months... made it difficult for me to parent effectively. It was also very difficult on my body, but I am glad, now, that Dd and Ds are so close in age... they play together pretty well and make things work fairly well in our house for the most part (though, of course, they do fight, too...)


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## Xavismom (Dec 22, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 

DH and I have been baby crazy since DD was born and once my cycles straightened out we TTC and won the lottery.







But lately as my tummy makes it easy to tell I'm preggers, I've been getting the comments.... you know "ah, the broken condom oopsie!" or "now you've made your bed, have fun with that!"

So 'fess up...is it just true that most closely spaced babies are oopsies, or is this just another way to make every parent, no matter family size or design, to feel hurt. lol

I'm not planning on TTC anytime soon.. but I just had to post when I read this! I'm so sorry uncaring/unthinking people have said this to you!! I got this a few times with DS, because we concieved in Feb, and got married in May. DS was a VERY planned pregnancy, and it made me sad and upset everytime someone assumed he was an accident, or that DH and I were getting married because they assume he was an accident.







I know how hurtfull it is, so I just wanted to chime in and send you a hug Mama!


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dogretro* 
OP, you didn't say how old your dd is, so idk what you consider "close". Ours will be 24 months apart & that seems to be an acceptable space. No negative comments. Seems to me that you are expected to have 2 kids 2-3 years apart. You can toss in a third at 2+ years also, but you'd better not wait "too long" for that third (it will be an assumed "oops"), nor should you ever try for more than three. UNLESS you have had a "large gap" (5+ years) between 2 & 3, and THEN it is okay to have a fourth so that #3 will also have a sibling close in age. Definitely do not have three of the same sex in a row & then have a fourth of the opposite sex or people will assume that you "kept on trying" to get that other sex (whether or not it is true). If your first two are less than 2 years apart, do not try and have more kids, you obviously have learned nothing. If you stop after one kid, you obviously hate kids & probably only had that one b/c it was "the next step". I should really create a flow chart









This is the funniest thread ever! Nice spin on an otherwise very judemental societal problem.

OP, mine are 25 months apart - so within the "acceptable" range, though I think they are close in age. To be honest, imo, the first 3 months were utter H-e-double toothpicks. The toddler still needed me, but the baby needed me even more. I was a tired, overly touched, overly sucked, understimulated blob. However, when the baby started interacting with the toddler in a way he could enjoy - smiling at him, reacting to his actions.... it got a bit better. When she could crawl after him, it got even better (by then he was old enough to get angry about her messing up his things, but young enough to forgive quickly). It has only gotten better and better. They are 3 and 5 now and the best of friends.


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## Softmama (Jun 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mambera* 
For those with planned close spacing, what did you do about breastfeeding?

I see from a poll on the Family Planning board that it's common to take a year or more (up to 3 even) for cycles to return. I'm 9 mo PP right now and no sign of AF.

Did you wean in order to get pg and if so, at what age?

I think this really varies from mom to mom. My oldest was exclusively breastfeeding on demand when I got pregnant 8 months postpartum (planned, we were using NFP to chart) even though I had never gotten my period back. So I ovulated for the first time at 8 months and instead of having a period I had ds2







so my oldest two are 17 months apart. Which we did for many reasons. I loved it, but it was hard. So I waited until ds2 was 18 months to TTC again and my ds3 is 25 months younger than ds2.

Most of the comments I got were from cute little old ladies who were thrilled with the babies and wanted to know how close in age they were so they could tell me how close in age their own kids had been. I'm guilty of the same. If I see a mom out with little ones and she doesn't look to harried at the moment I ask her. Maybe I should stop doing that


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## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

What's the cut off for spaced close together?
We started TTC when DS was 18 months old and got pregnant right away. So DS and DD are about 27 month apart.
I thought it was perfect: enough time to not rush DS' babyhood too much and close enough for them to be buddies now at age 1 and 3.
My siblings were much older than me. It was more like having another parent than having a friend.


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## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

Oops just saw the breastfeeding question.
In part we didn't try earlier because I didn't want to chance losing my supply and having to put DS on formula. My supply did drop at around 4 months but he kept going anyway.
It was NOT always fun but I was glad he was still nursing by the time he was 2.
In fact he still wants to nurse...


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## MissyCham (Dec 24, 2002)

I have three really close together. I will admit it was hard in the beginning (although it is always hard in the beginning). Nursing was tough especially with number three as there were two toddlers running circles around me and the baby all day. It was exhausting for sure. That said, it is just lovely now. The three play together so well ... right now they have made mailboxes and are delivering notes and treats to each other. They enjoy the same things so going places is fun for everyone. There are pluses and minuses to every age make-up. I love mine being close together though. Good luck!


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## Grace and Granola (Oct 15, 2005)

My boys are 17 months apart. I have PCOS and had to work very hard, using herbal therapy, to get pregnant the first time. My second was very much a SUPRISE! It was very hard at the beginning, but mostly due to the fact that ds2 was a very colicky baby for the first 3 months of life and hasn't completely recovered even now at age 3! Now that they are 3 and 4, I think it's great that they have each other. When they were much younger I often got the







and sympathies. Now that they're older, I usually get people asking me when I'm going to try for a girl! And even though I would like to try for a girl, I find it incredibly rude to say things like that unless you're among friends. But please, in the checkout line, do not ask about family planning.


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Softmama* 

Most of the comments I got were from cute little old ladies who were thrilled with the babies and wanted to know how close in age they were so they could tell me how close in age their own kids had been.

I *love* this and get it a fair amount, too.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I never saw a vote on what 'close' means.







Mine will be 27 months apart but I had two miscarriages. I sort of feel like I should get some 'close' credit given that I was pregnant for an extra 17 weeks during that in between time.









I am still nursing my 21 month old. I got pregnant on the first ovulation after she was born around 10 months postpartum.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

We planned to have two children close together. However, what we didn't plan on is that our second fertilized egg decided to split into two. So we had twin MZ boys 17 months after our singleton girl was born.

My periods returned 8 weeks postpartum. No kidding. I had one week of no bleeding (the 7th week), and felt the ovulation occuring (I usually can). I was stunned. And yes, DD was exclusively breastfed until she was a year old, and self weaned at around 2.5. My period returned (wait for it) exactly 16 weeks after the birth of my twins. With ovulation. And THEY both exclusively nursed (did not even touch baby cereal or baby food, they went straight to mashed/chopped table food) until about 14 months, one self weaned at 2, the other at almost 3). So if other AP moms give you dirty looks (it actually happened to me at a LLL meeting!!!!) and sniff at you about "zOMG you must have night weaned/given them a pacifier/ blah blah blah", ignore them. For some people, yes, their bodies work that way where nursing can influence child spacing. For some, it does nothing. Really.

Oh, and BTW, you can triple tandem nurse. I won't pretend it's fun. But it's definitely possible to nurse exclusively during a pregnancy (I didn't have a huge reduction in milk until midway through 2nd tri). And let me tell you, there is nothing better than never having to suffer through engorgement (even with twins) because you have a thirsty lip-smacking toddler ready to take care of it. I swear she sensed before I did that my milk was going to come in, I woke up from a nap to her nursing, saw that my milk had come in, but had absolutely no pain--unlike the first go around!


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## Jannah6 (Aug 29, 2007)

My children are close in age 12,8,7,5,3,1 and another due in October. we weren't trying to have them close together. then again,we weren't not trying







. Personally the best space for me is 3 years,but for some reason I keep missing that mark









ETA: I EBF and my cycle always returns the next month after the baby is born







. In this pregnancy I've had 2 boughts of menstrual like bleeding, fun eh.


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## Jannah6 (Aug 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
Oops here!









I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever (is that enough evers?!) plan to have babies closer than 3 years apart in age. Ever. Ever ever.









Editing to add: Mine are 20 months apart.

Ever.

Ever ever.


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## mambera (Sep 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigerchild* 
So if other AP moms give you dirty looks (it actually happened to me at a LLL meeting!!!!) and sniff at you about "zOMG you must have night weaned/given them a pacifier/ blah blah blah", ignore them.

Whoa, sorry. I didn't mean for my question about weaning to be offensive. I was genuinely curious.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Hmmm, didn't see your question. I don't see how a question would be offensive. An accusation, maybe. It is a very very common ASSumption in some AP circles (and I have seen it asserted here over the years too, though it gets halted pretty quickly since there's quite a lot of women who don't have their cycles altered more than a blip by exclusive nursing)--and hooooboy sometimes there is absolutely no question that you are being judged by someone else's mistaken or stereotypical information! You also read about it a lot in breastfeeding lit, ect, so I can understand why some people might jump to conclusions.

I just had to deal with a lot of vocal people. It's a fine line to walk in forming a retort though. For many people they WILL have a nice vacation from ovulation and menstruation as long as they keep up a certain level of nursing. You don't want to say that they won't. But I know when I was going through this (my kids are 8 and almost 7s now), it was really hard to find information and shared experiences about what it was like nursing through your period (my DD shared my hormonal acne during my PMSing when she was nursing, my babies were fussy during PMS and I didnt' realize until my DD told me the milk tasted funny and gave her more farts that perhaps it was hormonal on my part), comparing notes about when milk reduction took place, ect--but I think perhaps people were afraid to talk about it for fear of the "OMG you didn't do it right!!" reaction. I hope that there are more folks breastfeeding through closely spaced pregnancies, and perhaps it was just my area, but there was a distinct down-looking on people who had kids closer than 2-3 years apart because "nature" of course would protect a breastfeeding mom who was doing it "enough" so if that didn't happen for you...well, you must be one of those misguided pacifier people.


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## barefootmama0709 (Jun 25, 2009)

My two are 18 months apart. I found it challenging at first but now I really like it! Honestly, I would LOVE to TTC #3 now, but we are not at a place in our lives where we can do that. DH is actually still undecided about if he even wants a #3-we've agreed to wait 3 years before we discuss TTC again.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Quote:

I guess we're all supposed to have two kids, spaced 3 or4 years apart
Nope. We're planning to TTC a sibling to be born when DD's 3 years 9 months (I know, specific much?!), and MIL has already informed us that no, no, we can't do _that_, they'll never be friends. Which doesn't hold a lot of water for me, given that a) DH and his sistr, who are two years apart, aren't great friends and b) I'm closest to my sister who's 4 years older than me and my sister who's 10 years younger, _not_ the two sisters on either side of me who are 2 years older/younger.

So you just can't win. Also, people at church will start nagging you to conceive right now. Like, in the foyer, if possible.


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## Softmama (Jun 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
So you just can't win. Also, people at church will start nagging you to conceive right now. Like, in the foyer, if possible.


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

I have an 8 year old, a 20 month old and a 6 month old. The big gap was great in some ways, but it really was 'starting over' in a new and exhausting way. #3 was planned to be close, though it happened MUCH sooner than we anticipated.

Having two who are SO close is actually a lot of fun. Now that DS 2 is able to interact more, his older brother has a ball bringing him toys and just playing with him. I also see that the world doesn't revolve around them the same way it did around my oldest, and I think that is a whole lot better for them going forward.

That said- given how close they are, *I* am tired, and I feel the physical toll heavily. Constantly being pregnant and nursing for years is a lot to ask of a body!


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

On this topic, I'm theoretically 17 DPO today. My temp has dropped the last 2 days so I'm hoping, hoping, hoping to see AF tomorrow. If I am preg, I would have 4 kids under four when babe is born.


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## jimblejamble (May 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
So you just can't win. Also, people at church will start nagging you to conceive right now. Like, in the foyer, if possible.

It's true! Two weeks after I got married I was already getting asked "Is there a little bun in the oven yet?"


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Quote:

It's true! Two weeks after I got married I was already getting asked "Is there a little bun in the oven yet?"
Eugh. Every time _Mum_ met a friend of hers after DH and I got married, the friend would open the conversation by demanding "Are they pregnant yet? Why not?" We actually conceived DD about six months after we got married - hardly dawdling by most people's standards - but she clearly found the whole thing suspicious and sinister. And I'd only ever met this woman once.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mambera* 
For those with planned close spacing, what did you do about breastfeeding?

I see from a poll on the Family Planning board that it's common to take a year or more (up to 3 even) for cycles to return. I'm 9 mo PP right now and no sign of AF.

Did you wean in order to get pg and if so, at what age?

I did nothing. I bf all my children and af came back at different times for each. With ds1, it came back around nine or ten months, just as he self weaned. With dd I was shocked that it came at like 6mos. and she was still ebf. I got pg when she was 11 mos old. With ds2, I didn't think it was coming back, lol! Once I decided I was ready to ttc, I had to wait for it. It came back when he was about 19mos old, but then I was nursing him and his sister so that figured that accounted for it. With my youngest, it didn't come back until he was like two and half!!


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## Lisa85 (May 22, 2006)

My girls are 16 months apart, unplanned. Ironically I have a sister who is 17 months younger than I am and she drives me insane, even today now that we're both adults. Because of that, I had always planned on 3 years or so between my kids but obviously that's not the way it worked out.

_I_ love their age difference now. The first 6 months were extremely rough, but I absolutely love it now. They play together SO well, are the best of friends and have a ball together. But. They argue, bicker, nit pick, and fight constantly when they're not best of friends. They're into the same things at the same time and see the same exact things happening as my sister and I. Little one purposely pushes buttons of the older one, older one is constantly on younger one for not doing the activity "right".

We plan to TTC this summer and if all goes well #3 will be a little over 4 years younger than #2 and 5.5 years younger than #1.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

I planned DS1 and DD. They are 27 months apart. We actually tried for a couple months.

I *bawled* over finding out I was pregnant with DS2 when DD was only 14 months old.

He brought his loving, joyful personality into our family at a time when we needed it most. Couldn't have predicted it at all at the time of his conception.

I would not change it now for ANYTHING.

The other thing is when I think about the two BOYS spacing, it is 4 years and if they were much farther apart, what would they have in common?! It is cute to watch them play now, all of them.

DS2 will be 24 months old when this baby comes. And, if this baby is a girl, DD will be 3 years, almost 11 months older than her sister.

Really if the ones of the same gender were much farther apart, *they* would have little/nothing in common. They'll already be pretty far apart....sometimes I sort of wish the two boys weren't so far apart in age for when they are older...like when one starts middle school and the other is in about 2nd grade?

I'm feeling MUCH BETTER about the 'close spacing' in that perspective.
I did, and probably always will, feel DD got a little robbed. She was a higher-need more baby-baby. (None of my kids were REALLY high-need but dd is the highest.)


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBinSATX* 
Oops just saw the breastfeeding question.
In part we didn't try earlier because I didn't want to chance losing my supply and having to put DS on formula. My supply did drop at around 4 months but he kept going anyway.
It was NOT always fun but I was glad he was still nursing by the time he was 2.
In fact he still wants to nurse...

Yeah, this was my true concern about conceiving before 3-4yrs. I am a big believer in "term nursing" and would hate to lose my supply and/or for DD to lose her latch early. We put 1yr down as the minimum to avoid formula b/c we knew she loves solids. But she's at 16 months right now and still nurses several times during the day and 2 times at night with a big morning session. *crossing fingers* I took a gamble b/c my mom nursed through her pregnancies and lost the latch on only two kids I think.

If DD hadn't been so open about solid foods, we probably would have started TTA.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigerchild* 
Hmmm, didn't see your question. I don't see how a question would be offensive. An accusation, maybe. It is a very very common ASSumption in some AP circles (and I have seen it asserted here over the years too, though it gets halted pretty quickly since there's quite a lot of women who don't have their cycles altered more than a blip by exclusive nursing)--and hooooboy sometimes there is absolutely no question that you are being judged by someone else's mistaken or stereotypical information! You also read about it a lot in breastfeeding lit, ect, so I can understand why some people might jump to conclusions.

I just had to deal with a lot of vocal people. It's a fine line to walk in forming a retort though. For many people they WILL have a nice vacation from ovulation and menstruation as long as they keep up a certain level of nursing. You don't want to say that they won't. But I know when I was going through this (my kids are 8 and almost 7s now), it was really hard to find information and shared experiences about what it was like nursing through your period (my DD shared my hormonal acne during my PMSing when she was nursing, my babies were fussy during PMS and I didnt' realize until my DD told me the milk tasted funny and gave her more farts that perhaps it was hormonal on my part), comparing notes about when milk reduction took place, ect--but I think perhaps people were afraid to talk about it for fear of the "OMG you didn't do it right!!" reaction. I hope that there are more folks breastfeeding through closely spaced pregnancies, and perhaps it was just my area, but there was a distinct down-looking on people who had kids closer than 2-3 years apart because "nature" of course would protect a breastfeeding mom who was doing it "enough" so if that didn't happen for you...well, you must be one of those misguided pacifier people.

















This is all so true. DD never had a paci, I nursed on demand, we all sleep in a family bed, etc. But her sleep cycles were long enough to make it happen (or it's my genes haha).

I think though that a lot of suspicion exists surrounding eco bfing/LAM b/c the "guidelines" are completely foreign in our mainstream culture. Most people responded as if I was abusing DD when they learned she didn't have a pacifier. The look of horror on their face was priceless lol.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
Eugh. Every time _Mum_ met a friend of hers after DH and I got married, the friend would open the conversation by demanding "Are they pregnant yet? Why not?" We actually conceived DD about six months after we got married - hardly dawdling by most people's standards - but she clearly found the whole thing suspicious and sinister. And I'd only ever met this woman once.

















My mom did this to me! Drove me crazy! Everytime I called, she would say "OMG OMG you're pregnant aren't you! This is why you're calling!" Or if we dropped by their house, she'd meet me at the door, "Where's the test???!!!"

I think a lot of people were betting on pre-marital pregnancy, too, judging by the comments and grapevine.


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## Just1More (Jun 19, 2008)

Well, I'm here late, but ours are planned, sorta.

We don't plan. We just take what we get, which makes all of ours, whenever they come, planned. Sometimes I feel pretty overwhelmed, and pretty tired, but I'm trusting in someone bigger than me to make this work out right, so I trust He'll give me strength to do it, too.

As far as when cycles return during BF, I find that when I get below about 9 hours a day of nursing, my body starts to get into gear. When that happens has been different for each one of mine, based on their own nursing patterns.


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## Babina's Mommy (Dec 27, 2008)

Mine are 22.5 months apart. Second one was a "surprise." I didn't find out about my pregnancy until I was 16-17 weeks along. Yikes! ha...


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## Kristine233 (Jul 15, 2003)

Ours are all 23 months apart. #2 was an Oops.. Antibiotics worked against the birth control, lol. But it worked out well so #3 was planned. When people realize our oldest was 3 years old (although, nearly 4) when your 3rd was born we get some crazy comments. "Yup, 3 kids within 4 years start to finish". I do like this spacing, its close together but we got through the "little" stage rather quickly in one big swoop. Although, I don't know that I was particularily sane the entire time, lmao.

Now that they are older any 2 combinations of the kids play well together, except all 3 at once. But I think that is with any sibling combo. haha


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## moxygirl (Jun 23, 2009)

Mine will be just 11 months apart, planned. Well, technically we were "not preventing" but I had already gotten AF back at 5 1/2 weeks PP (wasn't EBF due to major latch/supply issues) so we knew it was certainly possible. It took 3 years to conceive DS and we're in our mid-to-late 30s. Also we wanted to have 'em when God gave 'em. So here we are.









Not sure yet what we're gonna do for the third. If I get AF back right away again, I might have to have a talk with God and DH. DS is a rather high needs 3 month old, I'm 7 weeks pregnant and EXHAUSTED!









I haven't gotten too many snarky comments yet, though even one of my best friends assumed this one was an "oops".


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## My3guys (May 27, 2009)

Our three are 54 weeks apart. Yes, 54 weeks. I had one and then two weeks after his first birthday, had his twin brothers. It took us a while to get pregnant with the first so we starting trying as soon as possible and what do you know? Twins.

I think you get what you get. In some ivory tower, pristine world, we would have had children spaced exactly 30 months apart or whatever. However, that didn't happen. The first year was just a mess...three babies in diapers, three cribs, etc. However, we somehow managed to get through that and now life couldn't be better. They have never known life without their brothers and are a little posse doing everything together. They look very, very much alike and all wear the same size clothes, etc. and we ALWAYS get asked if they are triplets. The only real downside is that there are no hand me downs. So, we have to buy three bikes and winter coats and three of a lot of things. I envy the families who can do hand me downs.

The only weird thing is that we always thought we would have four. However, the guys are such a little gang that once we were ready to think about a 4th we came to the conclusion that a 4th would be such an outlier that it just didn't make sense. So, we are five. A very, very happy five.


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