# Age limit for "romance" near a sleeping dc?



## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Is there an age where it's not okay anymore to have sexy time in the same bed with a sleeping child? This is if the kid is dead asleep and you have enough room that you aren't bumping into them or anything.







Just wanted to get some opinions...


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## Cuau (Jul 27, 2006)

I guess as long as the lo is not aware, is ok. But it really depends on the parents, YKWIM? Like if we kiss in front of dd she will stare at us like







. So i do not feel very comfortable doing any 'romance' around her.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

I don't know when we will stop feeling comfortable. For now, dd is 2.5 and when she's sleeping, we have no problems being....well....romantic. We don't have the option of using another room, since my mom lives with us, and we don't have an extra room with a door, so the bedroom it is. Shes never realized what we are doing.


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

I'm not sure... Right now DS is still under a year, and sleeps pretty soundly. But if ever he ever woke up and started looking at us, I'm sure I'd already feel a little uncomfortable. I suppose doing it under our comforter would work...

Anyway, I think it depends on the child. Maybe around two years old for us, or when they're old enough to wonder what you're doing.


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## nylecoj (Apr 24, 2007)

Dd is 11 mos and we almost always do it in another room, but if she were to see us or something, I don't think I would think it's a huge deal. Sex is natural and while I don't want her to have memories of us getting it on I don't think a little bit of exposure will ruin her either.


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaAllNatural* 
Is there an age where it's not okay anymore to have sexy time in the same bed with a sleeping child? This is if the kid is dead asleep and you have enough room that you aren't bumping into them or anything.







Just wanted to get some opinions...


For my husband and I, it would have to be from day 1. I am way too noisy for the babe to be sleeping through us having sex.









Now, "snuggly fun time"? Like, kissing and slapping each other's bottom? I hope we are still doing that in front of our kids' kids!


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

I guess I should clarify that my current co-sleeper is 4.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *llamalluv* 
Now, "snuggly fun time"? Like, kissing and slapping each other's bottom? I hope we are still doing that in front of our kids' kids!









ITA! My parents were like that and, while we made a big deal of pretending to be disgusted, it was reassuring and very healthy for us to see them express that in front of us.


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## mamaSun loveMore (May 22, 2006)

hmmm-
doesn't look like theres any consensus on a finite age...

our ds is 20 mos. we don't have any problems with "sexy-time" (







) after he's fallen asleep.
although, the other day ds rolled over and wanted to nurse in his sleep...
as sweet as he is, that was sort of a mood killer....









i think you and ur dp will probably reach a point when you'll decide its time to find a new way...

until then, parental discretion is advised....


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

As long as your are 100% sure the child is asleep I dont have a age limit or I should say I haven't reached a age limit yet. Tho I do find it harder to relax.


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## kikidee (Apr 15, 2007)

Let me preface this with -- I'm a big prude!









As soon as DD was more aware of the world around her (like, 6 months), I got really uncomfortable doing that around her while she was sleeping. I know, I know - she wasn't "aware of the world" while sleeping-- but still. It freaked me out.

We have done it on the floor outside of her seeing range, if she were to wake up. We still do that, too, sometimes.


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## MamalovesCadence (Oct 31, 2007)

ITA! My parents were like that and, while we made a big deal of pretending to be disgusted, it was reassuring and very healthy for us to see them express that in front of us.[/QUOTE]

My parents are still like this and us kids always did the disgusting thing too but it is very reassuring and I'm glad they are like that!


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

My son is 10 months and sleeps in with us... when we have "sexy time" we move him to the cot (crib) next to our bed. He usually sleeps right through it, but once or twice I've looked over and seen his big, staring eyes


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## GradysMom (Jan 7, 2007)

Big prude here too - wish I weren't but anyway... I just wasn't able to really enjoy myself knowing my ds could wake up in the middle of that - kinda afraid of scaring him... yet I think of that scene in Dances with Wolves and know the whole scaring thing is probably over blown.

Sometime when ds was 2mo maybe 4 mo we started to have "marital relations" as we call it







: in the guest room or the couch or the living room floor. The big thing is that really helps me relax and enjoy better

Anyway we make it a point to be affectionate and cuddly infront of ds for the reasurance part - I totally agree about that and the effect of seeing love between your parents


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I didn't have a problem with being intimate with my dh in the bed where my ds was until he was about 2 years old. At that point it seemed he could wake up and know what was going on.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

I am not comfortable with that, so we have a "special bassinet" (or so we call it) that DS sleeps in for a little while so we can have some adult time.

I don't even like the DOG in the room, so this is a big step for me.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nylecoj* 
Dd is 11 mos and we almost always do it in another room, but if she were to see us or something, I don't think I would think it's a huge deal. Sex is natural and while I don't want her to have memories of us getting it on I don't think a little bit of exposure will ruin her either.

We do it in the same room as DC (8months) when she sleeps, but I strongly agree with this sentiment.


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## JavaFinch (May 26, 2002)

I wonder if I will get flamed for this, but I'm just going to be honest.

DS slept with us until he was 7 - almost 8 years old. We live out in the country, so there is no light coming through the window except moonlight, and we have blinds anyway, so the room is totally dark. King sized bed. Totally "Vanilla", silent sex on one side of the bed, DS totally asleep on the other side against the bed rail - pillows between us. It just seemed like really no big deal.

It's the darkness that made me feel this was OK. I would NEVER have sex in the bed next to DS napping during the day. I just felt that in the dark, with silent sex, he'd have no idea what we were doing even if he DID wake up, which he never did (I know DS and if he did, he would have said something).


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## dflanag2 (Oct 4, 2005)

if someone wakes up, I think the best reaction is to soothe them back to sleep and then resume elsewhere... I don't think there is necessarily an age limit, it is more based on how deeply the kids sleep.

If it's a barging into the room soon after sunrise situation (after you confirmed they were still sleeping soundly) I don't think it's a big deal so long as you just say, "Good morning, what would you like for breakfast?" while discreetly easing away and casually restoring clothing.

Mine don't seem traumatized... yet anyway. DH on the other hand....









-dflanag2


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## goodheartedmama (Feb 1, 2007)

Am I the only one who just can't get in the mood with my sleeping child next to me?


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

No age limit here, as long as they're sleeping (and TBH, when they were a year or so and awake, as long as they were content playing or doing whatever else, we didn't care either).

Both DCs sleep soundly, and if they did see . . . so what? We'd stop and get on with our lives.

I know for a fact that my parents used to dtd while I was sleeping in the room with them (on vacations and such) up until I was 12 or 13 (and my dad died a year later sooo who knows, they probably would have done it forever). They did it when I was showering too. I'm glad they were happy and enjoyed each other so much!


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

Ok, I'm a prude about this, so I would say -- at no age is it OK. Plus, it's more exciting to go to another room, say the kitchen.

My perspective is that you are running a risk. With every behavior, there are two risks -- the risk that the child will be harmed by the behavior itself, ie, having sex in the bed, being left in the car, etc. This risk is usually quite minimal.

But the big risk, the deal killer for me, is the risk of being reported to CPS. That risk is really significant for leaving a kid in the car (because dozens of passersby may take it upon themselves to report), but much smaller from having romance in the bed. Still, I don't ever want it to be an issue one way or the other.

So, for me, it's just not worth it. Go to the other room, that's my vote.

Many AP families do it in the closet next to the bedroom, but I have never tried that.


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## milkmommie (Apr 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JavaFinch* 
I wonder if I will get flamed for this, but I'm just going to be honest.

DS slept with us until he was 7 - almost 8 years old. We live out in the country, so there is no light coming through the window except moonlight, and we have blinds anyway, so the room is totally dark. King sized bed. Totally "Vanilla", silent sex on one side of the bed, DS totally asleep on the other side against the bed rail - pillows between us. It just seemed like really no big deal.









: I was afraid to post to this thread for fear of the flames!!







:








My kids 8yrs and 5yrs sleep on a twin on the floor in our room. DD is 17mos and sleeps in our king bed with us (that mattress is on the floor too). Late, late at night when they're all very deep asleep. We DTD there in our bed. I think about all the cultures where families sleep in one room together and the many years of history where this arrangement was considered normal. AND back then people sometimes tended to have much bigger families too!! All those little people sleeping in the room with grown ups having "romantic times" turned out just fine. I think a lot of our cringing over this stuff is cultural and fairly modern.


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## DaytonsMom (Aug 25, 2007)

i agree that sex is natural and if ds ever saw we would just remove ourselves and go about the day. When i was younger (maybe 12 or so) i walked in on my parents on accident and got yelled at and then my mom was pissed for the rest of the day. Not such a great experience for me.

But i also agree that i can't relax with ds next to me. I have to turn my mommy brain off, or at least way down in order to even start thinking about it!! I really wish it wasn't so hard to turn the mommy brain off!!


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## muttmom92 (Mar 20, 2005)

We stop having "business time" (any other Flight of the Conchords fans







) in the same room around 6 months. I don't see a problem with it later than that, but for me, I

a) can't relax enough with them in the room

b) don't want to have to be quiet and still when having sex. I just doesn't sound fun to me.


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## PassionateWriter (Feb 27, 2008)

we dont see it as an issue. we dont do it if he's asleep but since he sleeps in our bed, sometimes it just happens. if he were to wake up we woudl stop. period. seems pretty simple.


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

I'm not sure the issue is necessarily unique to co-sleeping families and I really don't see it as a big deal. We're a non-cosleeping family but our DD has walked in on us doing The Deed numerous times, only because she gets up so EARLY and comes to see us first thing.







We're always under the sheets, though, and we stop immediately when the door opens.

When we are on vacation and all in one hotel room, DH and I have no hesitation Doing the Deed with DD there, provided she is sleeping in her bed.







After all, what's the point of vacation if you have to go without certain pleasures?


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

How big is your bed?


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

We did when he was a tiny newborn and again one desperate time on vacation when we were TTC (and I had long.. irregular cycles that we were desperate to take advantage of). As a general statement though I don't think it's appropriate. I think sex is a private thing and children shouldn't be exposed to it in that way.


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## amyleigh33 (Nov 2, 2006)

OK ~ I am totally outing one of my major life secrets here by saying this, this is something I've only told a small handful of people IRL but because I happened upon this thread and feel pretty strongly about it, here goes:

My parents were separated at the time I was conceived (I was told by an older cousin they got drunk at my sister's 10th b-day party, how romantic) and they remained separated until I was about 7 or so years old, my dad broke up with the woman he was dating, and he and my mom started "dating" again STS but dad still kept his separate house. Because we lived in a small townhouse, and I had a brother and sister both about 10 years older than me, they each had their own room and I shared a room with my mom. She had a queen bed and I had a twin and they were right next to each other (jeez, now that I think about it, that's practically co-sleeping? Never thought if it that way) ... anyways ...

Once my mom and my dad started seeing each other again, he would come over on weekends and spend the night. I always knew when he planned to spend the night, because he would bring clean clothes (he got very dirty at work), and his cowboy boots. And they would DTD in the same room as me, THINKING I was sleeping, but I wasn't, and I was absolutely horrified... one time, I was so desperate, I went and slept in a snow fort I had built in the dead of winter. My whole family to this day thinks it was just me being my weird self, and I still have never told them why I did it.

BY the time I was about 8, my sister went away to university in another province, so they bought me bunk beds to put in the big room so that my sister and I would share when she came back from school for holidays, etc. But even still, I was so horrified at the thought of my dad staying the night ... any time he brought his cowboy boots I would act up and be a total brat, refusing to go to bed, etc. until he finally got angry (he had a bad temper) and left....







(One time, I insisted on having Kraft Dinner as a bed time snack, and sat there eating it noodle by noodle until after eleven o'clock)...

SO suffice it to say, we do NOT DTD in front of DD. We have like once or twice, in the same room, when she was a newborn ... but that's it.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

I have a child who awakes from the sound of socks dropping on the floor - for us, it's easier to move elsewhere. However, I think it's perfectly appropriate to have sex in the same bed as a sleeping child.


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## PatchChild (Sep 1, 2006)

My babe has such timing, he consistently wakes up to nurse just as things are getting interesting. Sadly, that is such a mood killer and makes things much harder. As for age, as long as they're sleeping, go ahead in my book.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

DH and I have actually found that sexy time is easier now that DS is older, goes to sleep more easily and sleeps more soundly. We were 'sleep issues city' for the first 4 years and hence, sexy time deprived, mostly because I was always grumpy and exhausted rather than logistical issues. DS was in our bed during this time but his sleep was too unpredictable to bother.

Now, in the last year our sexy time is more frequent and better than ever.







DS is right next to us (he sleeps on a mattress on the floor next to our bed), and now that his sleep is consistent and predictable (aka, he's out like a light most nights and we can usually tell if he's going to sleep light and therefore abstain).

We did have one close call about 3 or 4 months ago where DS awoke after we were done and inquired as to why DH was breathing so loudly?!







I told him that Daddy was having a nightmare so I woke him up. *LIAR!*







DS accepted this without question and went right back to sleep. DH and I meanwhile could hardly contain ourselves. We giggled on and off for the next half hour! It was like being 'almost caught' making out with my high school sweetheart on the family room couch! Really took us back a few years.

If we're ever caught in the act, we'll be honest about it.










The best,
Em


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

: In our house we have a sleeping room. Ds (3)sleeps with DH and me on the king mattress and DD (almost 7) sleeps on a futon next to us. We have been known to DTD when the children are asleep in our dark room (we close the shutters at night) with blankets over us so no one would really know what is happening. We are extremely quiet. DD is a super heavy sleeper so we've never really worried about her waking up. I'm pretty observant even while DTD so I guess if there was stirring I would make sure we stopped or were a little less obvious. If we want to be a little loud or alternatively positioned, then we would move to another room.

Like pp have mentioned, even when you don't co-sleep there is still the possibility of your DC walking in on you. . .my best friend and her DH were being really kinky (in her words) one night when her DD walked in on them. My friend was so embarrassed and just told her DD that she and DH were just doing what people do when they are married. Her dd was perfectly ok with that and it hasn't come up again since.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

For us, the limit seems to be two months. DS is SUCH a light sleeper. Poor guy, he gets it from me.


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## BunniMummi (Jan 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *goodheartedmama* 
Am I the only one who just can't get in the mood with my sleeping child next to me?

No you aren't. I don't mind being flirty and affectionate around the kids but I find actually having them there to be a bit of a (ok a major) mood killer. I like to have a little more freedom of movement when I dtd.







Our couch sees a lot more action than our bed these days.


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
I have a child who awakes from the sound of socks dropping on the floor - for us, it's easier to move elsewhere. However, I think it's perfectly appropriate to have sex in the same bed as a sleeping child.









: I know all the places where the floor creaks in the bedroom so I can avoid them when DD is asleep.

We like the couch.


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

I'm another person that won't even let the dog in the room...

But we do co-sleep and did occasionally do the deed with DS sleeping next to us (with plenty of room between so we didn't disturb him). That was when he was very tiny. Now he's 20 mos and we move to the floor while he sleeps in the bed


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## milkmommie (Apr 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaytonsMom* 
But i also agree that i can't relax with ds next to me. I have to turn my mommy brain off, or at least way down in order to even start thinking about it!! I really wish it wasn't so hard to turn the mommy brain off!!









This thread is cracking me up!
I have a hard time turning the Mommy brain off and quiet "fun time" sucks. BUT desperate times call for desperate measures!!







We have a 15yr old ds in the house who kind of sets his own bedtime, esp now that it's summer. If DH and I were only ever going to use the couch or living room floor, we'd literally have to wake at 3am and sneak downstairs to dtd on the couch. All the while hoping to God that the oldest ds doesn't wake up for a glass of water!!







But DD (the littlest one) _was_ concieved on the living room floor by the light of the TV....oh the romance.







:


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## Phantaja (Oct 10, 2006)

For us, we stopped when the oldest would wake up and not cry. When he was old enough to be able to find what ever it was that he wanted or not need one of us to put him back to sleep, we figured that he was old enough to be aware of what was going on around us.

Then we started doing it on the floor.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amandaleigh37* 
I'm another person that won't even let the dog in the room...

I had to giggle when I read this... we'll do it when DS is sleeping next to us in his bed, but the cats are absolutely NOT allowed in during sexy time. *THEY STARE!*
















:

The best,
Em


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

When I had my ds my mom told me ( and I have NO idea how the conversation came up) that it was wrong to have sex in the same room as your child, no matter the age. She told me that when I was a babe, she had me sleeping next to her in the bassinet ( same bassinet that I used with my ds in fact) and she would roll it outside the door while they dtd, and then roll it back in when they were done. Apparently, I was a good sleeper and it didn't wake me.

So, of course, this got stuck in my mind and I could NOT dtd with ds in our room. Luckily he was the first born and we just used the rest of the house instead! It became a sticky situation when we lived with my parents for a stint when we had two kids, and ds was in one room, and dd was in our room with us, and my parents had the third room. We would "get together" in the bathroom...how romantic, eh? We even got pregnant in that circumstance. I was so embaressed to tell my mom I had gotten pregnant and she kept asking, even though jokingly, " Where did you do it??!!" I would say, " Your room of course, when you weren't home!" lol......She kept teasing that she would tell the baby that he/she was conceived in her home. Unfortunately we lost the pregnancy. But we still joke to each other though when we find ourselves in my parent's bathroom that "it's our love nest"!!

Nowadays, dd goes to sleep in her own bed at first and comes in later....so we know we have till 2am or 3am to do our thing.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *macca* 
My son is 10 months and sleeps in with us... when we have "sexy time" we move him to the cot (crib) next to our bed. He usually sleeps right through it, but once or twice I've looked over and seen his big, staring eyes









We used to have a "sex bassinette" for this purpose.

Then he outgrew it so we just move our bidness into the living room.

So I guess that we never have done this while he's in bed with us, but I don't see a bed as a necessity for "that" anyway.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

this isnt something i normally mention but i slept in my parents bed pretty reguarly until i was in middle school.. and occasionally after that.. my little brother slept in their room on a futon (hes a bed hog) for what seemed like forever.. and i know my parents they didnt just not do it... and i have absolutely no idea if they did it the bed with me.. im sure they did b/c how else would i have a little brother? (i nursed like crazy all night for about 18 mos according to my mother) anyways even after that i have walked in on my parents several times...i was never a good knocker lol and twice when i was with a friend... (once they didnt expect me home and once in a stateroom on a cruiseship .. the door should have been locked) and non of these times did i actually see anything or feel particularly embarrased by it. my parents ended up putting a lock on their bedroom door as my brother and i got older but we both knew that when the door was locked and the music was on they werent in their napping... lol.... i promise neither of us is scarred for life.. i probably have the healthiest attitude about sex out of all of my friends... not remotely kidding.. not to mention one of the best body images (even now when im saggy and covered in left over stretch marks) whenever i almost walked in on my parents they would be like woah close the door! and i would and it was no big deal. My mom has always talked to me about sex and how its normal and natural and a very important part of a loving relationship .. you know the deal. i was the kid in school who was like whats a stork? are you nuts a stupid bird didnt drop you on the front step lol. i figure how else are kids going to learn that sex in part of life and an important part of relationships if they dont learn it from their parents. i think the only thing the celibate parent act teached is shame. obviously there are limits but i wouldnt worry about it to much.. dont do it when their sitting in bed staring at you but dont beat yourself up if they walk in and look all bug eyed either.. just chalk it up to life expirience.. explain.. be honest..and move on. sex is normal, healthy, natural, and beautiful... and thats what we need to teach our children


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

dd who is nearly 6 doesn't really wake at night now, ds is nearly 3 and wakes up and comes into us so we know we have until 2/3am to do our own thing, before we dtd when the kids slept with us, but it wasn't the sex that we really enjoy, really quiet, hardly moving etc, we certainly have much better sex now that we have the bed to ourselves


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## LeighB (Jan 17, 2008)

We stopped at like 2 months. I feel weird when she's in the same room with us.


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