# What did you do?



## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Mary Rose's birth and death day is coming up and I am trying to think of ways to honor her. What did you do to remember your children on their birth or death day? Somebody at my support group said they call the hospital where their daughter was born, find out about a family in need and shop for the family like they shopped for their daughter. I think that's a neat idea, but I want to hear any other ideas.
Gossamer


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Anyone? If you haven't had your anniversary yet, have you given thought to what you will do?
Gossamer


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## joesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

i have not lost a child but wanted to offer a hug & tell you how inspired i always am to read of your love for mary rose. i think a beautil thing to do would be to purchase a park bench & get a lovely plaque inscribed, in memory of our daughter, mary rose... do you know what i mean? i am not describing it very well but i have seen them in city parks or hospital gardens & i think that is a wonderful memorial.








: I cannot believe almost a year has passed. I hope time has dulled your pain somewhat.

love, jenny


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Joesmom,
Thank you so much for the kind words. Just when I think I am going to lose it, God blesses me with compassionate words like yours. I do love Mary Rose with all of my heart and it hurts me so that I cannot show that love for her here on earth.
Gossamer


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## joesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

i am glad i wrote, then. i was afraid my words would not comfort you. i cannot imagine your loss & am so sorry for any mother who loses a child. i am always here if you need to talk!


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Do you live near water? Some people set candles or flowers off in the ocean...maybe set off with balloons with messages in them to her?

Maybe a special tree that you can plant or you could make a memory garden that you could sit in to relax.


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

That day seems very far away but I know it will be here before I realize it. The only thing we've agreed to is that we will be donating in Connor's name to an organization of choice. With the idea that each year, one member of the family gets to choose the organization (hoping this will give future siblings of Connor some tie to him).


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Honestly Gossamer,
I don't even wanna think about it right now.

I fear Dec. 2nd like I don't know what. I think I will have to just take it as it comes...I may go to visit his grave or maybe I'll do something quiet with my family. Being with them on these "tough, milestone" days has helped tremendously. The anticipation makes me sick to my stomach, though. Does anything feel "right" to you when you think about celebrating Mary Rose's birth/death day?


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Right now the only thing that feels right is staying in bed all day, preferably on valium or the ilk. BUt I know that that does not honor my daughter in any way. And that is my ultimate goal. I am sure I will go to the cemetary. We don't have a headstone yet, I just can't bring myself to have my daughter's name chiseled in granite. I might call the arboretum and see if we could donate a MAry Rose bush in her honor. Just thinking out loud here.
Gossamer


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Gossamer, I think donating a Mary Rose Bush in her honor would be lovely. We recently did something for the 3 babes we lost plus our pup who left us just days after the first. We bought a park bench and donated it to the local conservation authority, we put a plaque on it adn the park is planting a rock garden at the site. It's very hidden, it's half way in on a very long hike that dh, myself and the dogs do often. It's so private that I know I can go there and sit and likely not be disturbed.


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## Welovedante (Dec 18, 2003)

I don't know how expensive it is, but I like the idea of naming a star after her... Like her spirit soars above us, you know? I've never lost a child, but my heart aches with sympathy. I'm sending hugs and prayers and thoughts of love your way, gossamer.

On the anniversary of my dad's sudden death (not at all the same, but it's the closest I've got), my husband and I light candles and talk about/to him. Personally, when I'm alone in the car, I sometimes talk to him (since he taught me how to drive). Hope I don't sound loony or insensitive to your pain.

Anyway, I've heard of people naming stars for others, and thought of Mary Rose's anniversary.

Heidi


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## ChristaN (Feb 14, 2003)

I, too, have not lost a child & my heart breaks for you. My twin sister died suddenly in 1992, though. She was my "closest thing" & it hurts still when I think of it, just not like it did for the first few years. I did take her death date off from school or work every year for a few years, and spent some time alone with her (in my mind, I guess). I sent her messages tied to balloon - probably not environmentally friendly, but all that I could think of & I took walks by the water.

I hope that you get through this day & that those around you surround you with support. Someday, I hope that you are able to hold another baby in your arms, although I know that another baby will never be Mary Rose.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Gossamer







I don't know what I will do when December 21st gets here. I have thought about naming a star for her, and also I feel certain that I will buy her a special mylar balloon. We always buy Ds a balloon for his birthday. I would like to do something special, but I don't know what. Maybe you could buy a special balloon or two to release with a note like the others suggested. Or I like the idea of candles or flowers on the water, maybe you could go to the beach and do something like that. You might also look into donating money to a charity in her name, maybe one that helps premies or something. I just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you and Mary Rose as this special day aproaches. I hope you find something that is right for you.


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## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Gossamer,
All I can share with you is what I have done thus far...
It was my son's idea to hang a wind chime and a bird house in the tree that sits about 10 feet away from Grace's marker. so we have done that and it truly is a beautiful site to see when we visit.

I did notice, however, that a family not far away from where Grace is buried...I actually saw this on Mother's Day when I took a walk around the pond that Grace overlooks, they have brought something on each of their daughters birthday. From what I could tell, it looks like several wind chimes, a few rose bushes planted near by with her name on them, a few other things...
Just a few ideas...looks like others have shared the same ideas...

Actually, I really like Wilkers thoughts about giving to a charity of their choice in remembrance of her son Connor. Lovely....simple lovely.

Gossamer...I am sending you lots of love.





















Also I saw where you talked about the thought of doing foster care...I have been a full time foster parent for 8 years. When and if you have any questions or thoughts I would love to share with you.

~Jackie


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## hmpc2 (Jul 1, 2003)

Gossamer~ sorry I have been away from mothering for a few weeks...I will pray for you on Mary Rose's birthday.

As far as Adia's 1st birthday...it was a nice quiet day. I had several things planned, but didn't wind up doing them all and that was okay.

My parents flew in to be with me. I wore a shirt that I recieved from a walk to remember I participated in...it had her name on it. I wore a black ribbon...like the AIDS awareness ribbon, it is the Grief Awareness Ribbon. I took my parents to a stone we purchased in a National Park (again had Adia's name on it and it is a memorial stone). We visited her stone and just had many moment's of silence. We looked at her pictures and castings. We then went to a resturant that when I was pregnant I HAD to go one night for their piece of chocalate cake....so we had our dinner and a piece of chocalte cake...My dad said, "happy birthday, Adia" before we ate it.

What I wanted to do and didn't was to light a special candle for her and read some bible verses that got me through this year. My mom wanted to buy her some dasies...we were a little disappointed, but then realized you only can do what you can do and Adia knew what was in our hearts.

So that is my recommendation to you. Plan what you want and do what you can. It is going to be a rough day, but you will make it through. Mary Rose knows your love for her, no matter what you do.


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## jannan (Oct 30, 2002)

for what would've been elyh noams' birth day , july 26, i spoke to him. i told him that God sent him to me but i sent him back and that when i go to the other side i will see him. you know grossamer you always make me cry.

but thank you. this forced me to remember elyh noam.


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## srain (Nov 26, 2001)

Last year we climbed the mountain from which we scattered our son's ashes and say hello and goodbye again. This year I won't be physically able to, so I'm not sure- I may get a memorial tattoo.


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## Katie's Momma (Jun 11, 2004)

To all of you mothers who have lost your babies, my heart truly goes out to you. I cannot imagine a grief more intense than what you have been through and continue to live with.









We have 2 friends who have lost babies (3 hours and 2 weeks) and I know they have done some of these:

planted a tree
set up a scholarship at their local school
memorial masses


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## ksjhwkr (Apr 1, 2003)

For Emma's birthday, we went to the cemetery and had a balloon release with our family. I have 11 nieces and nephews who live close, 6 of them were very close to Emma. So, we had each of the kids write a note or draw a picture and we attached them to the balloons. We sang happy birthday, then released the balloons. We then ate cupcakes. Jeremy and I lit candles and let them burn all night. It was really nice...well as nice as it could be. I know it's hard...be gentle with yourself. I am not sure what we will do on her Memorial Day yet..we'll see.


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Well, I still don't know what we are going to do. I know we will go to the cemetary. My husband wants to do something positive to honor her. The really sad thing is that I know his family will not even acknowledge her birthday. I will also be ordering altar flowers for church on the closest sunday. I am thinking of maybe having a little remembrance ceremony at our curch's memorial garden. I would just ask for your prayers during these next few months. Prayers for strength, peace and comfort.
Gossamer


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)




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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Love to you Gossamer


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Gossamer, would it be helpful if you sent out remembrance cards to people a little before Mary Rose's birth/death day? I'm thinking of doing that for Nazir's bd/dd. You could make them up yourself and put a prayer, and something like "Please say a prayer for Mary Rose on July 29th in honor of her first year in G-d's arms", or something like that.

ST


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

What a lovely idea ST...in fact I like it so much I may do something along those lines for Gracie...


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