# Anyone resentful of nursing after mc?



## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

I know I only mc 4 days ago, but I'm feeling a little resentful of my dd (2 1/2 y.o.) when she demands to nurse. She still nurses 4-5 times a day. I know a lot of moms find nursing reassuring and comforting, but I really don't. When I was pregnant and even before then, I was really concerned about dd continuing to nurse thru the pregnancy and tandem nursing after the baby arrives. We've had a wonderful nursing experience, but now I feel resentful and then feel guilty for feeling this way. I'm not going to wean her now (knowing that I'm still grieving and my hormones are fluctuating). Anyone else feels or felt this way? My doc has reassured me that the nursing has nothing to do with the mc, and she thinks I can safely nurse dd when I get pregnant again. So, all this negative energy is really coming from me and not the people around me.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Though I havn't been in your situation, I can imagine that your emotions must be difficult









It stands to reason, your foundation has been shaken. You're greiving and also having to carry on your 'normal' life. Nursing must bring on some painfull reminders, as well as make you feel invaded at a time you need some space.

I'm glad you were comfortable posting about your feelings. I think they're quite normal. Good for you realizing that this is NOT the time to try weaning. I think that would make it difficult on both of you.

You can however set some boundries that might make it easier on you. At 2 1/2 she's got a good sence of understanding. You may want to ask her if she can drink from a cup or eat an apple at a point when you're not feeling up to it? Or come up with some special activity that she can do.

Many toddlers nurse out of bordome or a need to feel closer to you. If you can find some cues from your little one, maybe you can ward of a nursing or two during the day.

How are you feeling otherwise? I know this is a very difficult time. Please know I'm thinking about you.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I agree with Ms Mom in that toddlers nurse out of boredom...I know ds does. If I see he is losing interest in things to do he'll drag the nursing pillow over to me. I've started offering him something to eat or something else to do...and it works.

I wondered if my nursing ds not caused my m/c but "helped". I was slightly resentful at first but within about 3 or 5 days I found all the omfort in the world in it. Of course....my ds was only 6 months old when I lost Sweetpea so nursing was still an event









I'd say that you are feeling what is normal. Your loss is soo new don't be hard on yourself for ANYTHING that youa re feeling.


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## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

Thank you so much for your responses. Sometimes I feel fine, and other times I feel a great sense of loss. DH has been very supportive. We've been talking a lot about little Renunculus. DH set up a shelf for a little alter today. We both know its going to take time to heal and that Renunculus will always be in our hearts. Most of our friends are also very supportive which helps tremendously. I opted for a natural mc and my doc has been very kind and understanding; monitoring my HCG levels. Thanks again for your support. I really feel a lot of genuine love and support here...

DD is a real sweetheart... she just came up to me, gave me a hug and asked if I'm okay. Then she said... "just relax mommy...". I'm really glad she's here and I hope my resentment toward nursing will go away soon.


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

I think it's totally normal to feel that way. I couldn't even be around ds without crying for a while after the m/c, and nursing was so hard. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of nursing two, so the guilt just grew.

I know you've heard it before but the midwife said, before I got pregnant that it would be safe, then she said that nursing didn't cause the miscarriage, but it's still hard. From the things I've read and people I've talked to breastfeeding is more likely to prevent pregnancy than cause a miscarriage. Not that knowing that helps.

Take care of yourself


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## megtell (Mar 18, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by mamaMAMAma_
*I know I only mc 4 days ago, but I'm feeling a little resentful of my dd (2 1/2 y.o.) when she demands to nurse. She still nurses 4-5 times a day. I know a lot of moms find nursing reassuring and comforting, but I really don't. When I was pregnant and even before then, I was really concerned about dd continuing to nurse thru the pregnancy and tandem nursing after the baby arrives. We've had a wonderful nursing experience, but now I feel resentful and then feel guilty for feeling this way. I'm not going to wean her now (knowing that I'm still grieving and my hormones are fluctuating). Anyone else feels or felt this way? My doc has reassured me that the nursing has nothing to do with the mc, and she thinks I can safely nurse dd when I get pregnant again. So, all this negative energy is really coming from me and not the people around me.*
This happened to me 3 weeks ago. My baby is 16 months and yes it is really bothering me. I have decided to wean......


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

megtell, I'm so sorry about your loss. This must be so difficult for you


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## seagan (Jul 5, 2002)

When I miscarried at 9 weeks back in October, I found I had a sort of love-hate relationship with nursing my then 27-month-old. Sometimes it was comforting, lovely, other times I winced my way through it, with the latter discomfort ranging from a mild lack of enjoyment to full-blown resentment.

Over time, though (even within a month or so of the m/c), the resentment went away. I still struggled a bit with worrying that the nursing would effect our ability to get pregnant again, or cause another m/c (despite being reassured repeatedly, from various quarters, that it likely hadn't caused my first m/c), but something deep within me told me it was important to keep nursing -- for me and for DS.

(I am *not* saying here, by the way, that I think everyone should keep nursing in this situation, just that that's what felt right for us at the time.)

I am now 30 weeks pregnant and so far all has been healthy and well, so I feel the nursing was OK after all, though it's also true that DS has been nearly weaned for months now (with just occasional nursing on weekends before naps).

I hope you'll be gentle with yourself and all the intense and sometimes startling emotions and impulses that can come in the wake of such a loss. It's OK -- and necessary -- to feel all of it.

peace,
darcy


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## mamaMAMAma (Nov 20, 2001)

Its been a little over a month since I started this thread. DD is still nursing and I am, for the most part, enjoying our nursing relationship again. I am restricting the nursing a bit to before and after naps, before bath and before and after going to sleep at night. We're going to ttc after my period, and to quiet the little part of me who's unsure about nursing, I've decided to restrict the nursing a little. Okay, its still at least 5 times a day and dd will be 3 in september. I do give in for an extra nursing when she's tired or got an boo-boo. DD is not thrilled with the somewhat restricted nursees, but I think this is the best I can do for now.


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## leavesarebrown (Apr 22, 2003)

I miscarried while nursing ds who was 1, but had had two previous miscarriages before he was conceived, so didn't worry too much about it being because of nursing (not TOO much--I think it's natural to worry a little). I nursed him another year after that 3rd miscarriage, then weaned him when I was ready. I think he'd have benefitted from more nursing, but I was maxed, and tired of no sex drive and night nursing. (Oh, and nursing while pregnant made my nipples sore and we wanted to ttc again--and did first try four months later). He was still nursing 2x/day and 3x/night when I weaned him to a pacifier. I know that's totally not LLL kosher, but it worked well for us, and ds slept through the night from that point on. Weaned from pacifier 3 months later. He's now 3 1/2 and a very sweet boy and affectionate older brother to Talia, now 4 1/2 months.


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## cassiemommy (Jul 10, 2002)

I am in the process of a mc right now and instead of feeling resentful of DD nursing, I feel sorry for her that my milk supply went down when I became pregnant. Some days I do feel like weaning her, but then I also worry that we might not be able to have another baby (this is our 2nd mc), so I'm afraid if I do stop nursing, I might not have another one to nurse. The obs-gyn said that since DD was born after our 1st MC, chances are good that we'll have another healthy baby, but I am still concerned and trying to cherish the nursing time I have left with DD (even though my nipples are v. sore and some times I really don't feel like it).


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## Seeking Refuge (Nov 2, 2002)

I am glad I read this thread, I have had two m/c in the last 8 months one in March and one I am going through right now. They were both very early and I have nursed ds through both of them. Although I know that nursing is not the cause several of my family members who do not approve of my extended breastfeeding are blaming the m/c's on the fact that ds nurses so much. I am so angry at them because it felt to me like they were attacking ds.
So although I don't blame him I don't want to nurse anymore because my family keeps making these comments. Nursing him is very comforting to me right now but my sister and mom say that it is not healthy for me to feel that way.

It is good to hear from people who don't feel this way.

take care,


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