# What advice would you give to a new mom?



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

So we all know how much we don't like getting random unsolicited advice. BUT...if you had to...what is the one piece of advice you would offer to a new mom if she asked for a suggestion from your experience? Mine would be to encourage her to find other moms to connect with, whether it be through a mom's group, La Leche, whatever is available. Can't wait to hear what you think!


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

To live in each moment and soak it all in. They are little for such a short time.


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

Trust your gut. You know your baby best. Tell your MIL to stick it.


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## woodchick (Jan 5, 2007)

Say Yes as often as possible.


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## mra (Jul 17, 2008)

To not give up on breastfeeding. It's tough in the beginning (at least it was for me, can you say sore nipples!) but once we got it figured out it became a wonderful bonding, quiet, relaxing time for us.


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## newlyminted (Feb 21, 2011)

Remember, If your baby is:

1) Happy at least some of the time

2) Gaining weight steadily (even if it's small amounts)

3) and Learning new things every day (i.e. showing mental development)

S/HE is doing just FINE!

There is SO much obsessing early on and it's draining. New mama's just don't have the energy for all that!

(obviosuly, getting advice about things is great, just don't OBSESS)

Also, at some point, no matter how careful you are you will probablly drop your baby, or he'll roll off the changing table, or crawl off the bed.... It's a rite of passge. You're still a good mother.


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## soccerchic21 (Jan 6, 2004)

I give this piece of advice to every new mom I know.

Whatever worked for Susie down the street and her 10 kids might not work for you. Trust your gut as a parent. Do what feels right for YOU and YOUR baby. You are going to get so many tips and tricks and "you have to do this". What it comes down to is you doing what you think is right not what someone else does.


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## rachael07 (Feb 2, 2011)

Expect there to be times when you will feel overwhelmed and terrified of the responsibility/challenge. Also expect there will be times when you are high on love, feeling joy like you've never felt before. As long as you experience both, things will be just fine!


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Take time for yourself even if you think you don't need it. Trust me, if you don't make it a habit NOW you'll regret it later on when you really need your own headspace.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *blessedwithboys*
> 
> Trust your gut. You know your baby best.


This, exactly.


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## Snowflake777 (Jan 6, 2011)

If baby is fussy then try the boob, even if they nursed just 20 minutes ago. Most babies get hungry far more frequently than we're told to expect.


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## kamikazismom (Feb 22, 2011)

Trust yourself and your instincts. You are the expert on your own baby and you know more than you think you do!


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Accept as much help as is offered. Remember that attachments to other people do not detract from attachment to Mom, attachment is not a finite resource.


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## BigMamaJo (Mar 11, 2011)

There is no one moment in time that defines you, or your child. This too shall pass.


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## macy (Feb 22, 2010)

if you think your baby is a high needs baby or needs to nurse *constantly* he or she might just need more sleep, and don't expect them to sleep through lights and noises like a newborn forever.


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## DiapersNHeels (Mar 11, 2011)

I would say, don't be afraid to ask opinions, but realize its opinions. Stick to your gut and you'll be a great mom!


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## strongrad (May 30, 2005)

to make her own informed choices.


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## P.J. (May 18, 2010)

Take care of yourself, make sure to get space for just you. And that also means: you can probably trust other people to be with your baby more than you might think at first. In one sense, it is just that much more love and care he/she will be getting. It takes a village.....


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

We all go into parenting with an idea of how things will go or how they should be. Don't be dead set on any one thing and allow changes to happen because it may end up that it either don't work for you or it don't work for the baby.

Also it is okay that daddy or even grandparents or other close people, do things that you might not do. I say if its not harming the baby or goes against your core parenting then let it be.


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## LindaRachel (Mar 12, 2011)

Join a new moms support group. It's a great way to meet other new moms and benefit from the shared experience as well as the expertise of the group facilitator. In Chicago, try the Chicago New Moms Group.


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## Asiago (Jul 1, 2009)

Trust your maternal instinct. If something feels wrong- it probably is.


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## lauriecooper (Mar 14, 2011)

Uh oh - careful with the 'stick it to the mother-in-law' thing - with boys, you'll be one some day ;>)

But wouldn't it be nice if all mothers-in-law could keep their well intentioned comments to themselves! I have two boys, and vowed that I would be the BEST mother-in-law on the planet. I know all too well, that when it comes right down to it, that momma is the gate keep to the kids - no matter how good the relationship is with the son. I got REALLY lucky and got GREAT girls - THANK GOD!


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## MaerynPearl (Jun 21, 2008)

Take lots of pictures and videos... because even when you savor every moment, they still grow too fast.

But those pictures and videos will help your memories of baby time stay sharp. Plus, when they are parents themselves, they will love comparing their pictures/videos with their children.


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## Yaliina (Oct 22, 2005)

"CHILL!! "

As some PP said, it's most important to remember that this is YOUR baby, who is really a part of YOU, and therefore YOU know best! Others may offer great or stinky advice, so listen politely, maybe take it into consideration, and then do what FEELS RIGHT, because if it feels right it won't be WRONG! It's really hard to screw this up if you practice mindful parenting.


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## Neela0207 (Mar 13, 2011)

Wow!! What great advice I agree with everything here, as a new mom myself! My relationship with my daughter is 6 weeks going strong! I would have to say the top three for me so far are:

1. Meet other moms! Even if in the beginning it's just online

2. When they say baby SHOULD eat every 2-3 hours, that doesn't mean that they shouldn't be eating every 20 minutes. That is a definite possibility some days!

3. Trust yourself and trust your baby. We've been doing this for thousands and thousands of years without books and doctors and strangers on the street telling us how. Sure, great advice and some guidelines are super helpful, but in the end, every relationship is unique and special!


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## violinear1 (Mar 12, 2011)

Don't forget to eat in those first few weeks!! Have finger food close by at all times.


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## MamaofLiam (Nov 20, 2010)

what a great thread! hmmm... get your sleep and trust your momma bear instinct.


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## Luvmy2Joshs (Oct 3, 2007)

I would tell her to cherish the time she has with her first child. The first child stays a "baby" so much longer than the next one who will probably be in a rush to grow up. Looking back, I am so happy I stayed home with my first son and was able to savor having a baby. Ignore people who will inevitably think your child should be more independent, that's something that comes with age and shouldn't be forced.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

A relaxed mum and dad *usually* means a relaxed baby as well.


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## seed17 (Jan 16, 2010)

Get as much sleep as you can! Sleeping with your baby is snuggly and helps the whole family to get a good night sleep.

Hanging with other mamas is key too.


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## scrandall1173 (Sep 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *macy*
> 
> if you think your baby is a high needs baby or needs to nurse *constantly* he or she might just need more sleep, and don't expect them to sleep through lights and noises like a newborn forever.


Just have to say that I agree so much with this statement, but I have yet to find this in any baby book! It's taken me weeks to realize that my babe was tired and not so hungry. She over-nursed, cried at the breast, got really gassy...then I realized what might be happening and now things are much better! I offer comfort measures other than nursing once I notice that pattern beginning. Although, with a toddler, it's tricky to give baby a quiet atmosphere


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## goldenwillow (Jan 5, 2010)

Slow down. Balance will naturally find it's way.


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## Disco Infiltrator (Jul 28, 2008)

this parenting thing is really hard and there will be moments that you feel you absolutely cannot go on, but you will go on and it really does get better.


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## carlac2007 (Mar 21, 2011)

You can read all the parenting books on the shelfs of all the libraries in the world and see all the videos that have been made about having children, but you really don't know what is what until you are living it and you are there in that moment, having your child look up at you

Do not let anyone put fear in you, about any situation in parenthood. We all deal with things differntly, because EVERY child is diffent in their own way.

Be happy that you have a child, not everyone is given this blessing....because all children are a blessing, no matter what they are doing right now!!


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

I would tell her to listen to her instincts, and not to what family or doctors have to say. my doctor was very insistant that I not sleep with my baby or even hold her often, and told me I should leave her alone to cry. I felt that this was so wrong and inhumane, and couldnt help but wonder how many parents had ignored their own instincts and listened to this Dr. I switched Drs and I listened to my instincts and am so happy with our lives now!


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## Sorin (Nov 7, 2005)

I'm going to advise something a bit different. All the warm and fuzzies are great, but it is OK if you hate infancy. My advice to any new mom is do not worry if you spend the early days in misery. Hang in there! IT DOES GET BETTER! Give it three months. Seriously. Nature knows what it is doing. Just when you are contemplating handing the baby off to the nearest loving relative and running away to join the circus, your baby will wake up, look you dead in the eyes, give you a big, toothless grin, and you will realize that motherhood is amazing.

No one warned me that it is possible to hate the infancy stage. No one said that there is a place in between new-baby bliss and post partum depression. It is called, "This Sucks." It will pass. My screeching, unhappy-all-the-time infant has turned into a giggling, loving-life, fun 11 month old. Being a mom to my hilarious DD is such a joy that we are actually talking about getting pregnant soon with #2. At least this time, I know that I'm going to hate the first three months, and that's ok.


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## nilatti (Aug 5, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Sorin*
> 
> I'm going to advise something a bit different. All the warm and fuzzies are great, but it is OK if you hate infancy.


OMG THIS.

All the ladies at my church (who have pre-teens) were so gooey over Silas when he was a few weeks old. They all said, "Oh, I just love this baby stage when they're so cuddly and helpless." I didn't feel like I could say, "Really? Because I wish he would acknowledge my existence!"

On a related note, just when you feel like you can't take it (waking a zillion times per night, needing to be held for naps, whatever) they grow out of it. Magic!

Oh, and everything past about 12 weeks is so much fun.


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## ProtoLawyer (Apr 16, 2007)

1. Immediate post-partum hormones are HARD. People warned me about the "baby blues," but didn't warn me that it can be WAY more than that for a few weeks (and not ever develop into PPD, though of course that's something to watch for). Between the physical recovery (which, for me, after an emergency c-section that was probably medically warranted but not wanted, included a blood transfusion, hallucinations from narcotics, and mastitis), sleep deprivation, and general adjustment to having a newborn, wow.

2. It's really OK if, for that first little while, you're taking care of your baby out of a sense of obligation rather than love or maternal instinct. You both will get through it. If you feel like you won't get through it, there is absolutely no shame in asking your doctor, midwife, doula or other caregiver for a referral for someone to talk to.

3. "Cluster feeding" doesn't always mean a baby will nurse for two hours straight then sleep for two hours--sometimes, it means the baby can nurse, quite literally, all night. Unfortunately, this may coincide with the sore-nipple stage and the still-recovering-from-birth stage. The good news is, this phase is short-lived, and if it happens again in a couple of months, you'll probably be better able to sleep through nursing and you probably won't be in pain anymore.


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## goldenwillow (Jan 5, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nilatti*
> 
> OMG THIS.
> 
> ...










Right there with ya


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