# Do you let your toddler climb on the coffee table?



## junomama (Oct 28, 2006)

So far, DH and I have had a "feet on the floor" approach to our nearly 2-year-old son's attempts to climb on the coffee table. It's hard for me sometimes, though, because he _loves_ to climb, and it doesn't seem like it hurts anything for him to just sit on top of the coffee table and play with his toys there. The concern is that he would then progress to _standing_ on the table and perhaps launching himself onto the bookcase nearby and possibly hurt himself. The other concern is that he will think it's OK to climb on other people's furniture when we go visit. So we're trying to stick to it, just like we don't allow him to stand on the dining room chairs.

But we're having one of those days - he's crawled up on the coffee table half a dozen times, and he doesn't get down when I ask him on my own, and when I pick him up and put him back on the floor, he scrambles back up moments later. On days like these, I wonder, should I just lighten up and let him sit on the dang coffee table? It's not like he's hurting himself up there. I question whether it's a boundary that's reasonable, and I question the best way to continually enforce the rule.

Anyone else deal with something like this?


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I got rid of our coffee table


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## Graceoc (Mar 26, 2002)

All the time, and they jump from the table to the sofa (that I try to stop LOL!) Seriously though they will often sit on the table top and play. No biggie. And then haven't ever tried to sit on tables at our friends homes, so I think they just *get* that is ok at our house.

We also allow bed jumping


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Graceoc* 

We also allow bed jumping









We do too. Our beds are on the floor.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

DD sits on our coffee table all the time.. Shes big into climbing and Id rather her climb on the coffee table, couch, chairs etc than trying to climb up the bookcase (which is has accomplished before). To me its the better of the two options.
As for when we are at other people's houses shes never tried to climb on anyone elses coffee tables. If she did I would remove her and tell her to climb on my lap or somewhere else.. Although the few people I visit wouldn't mind, they all know how much she enjoys climbing and they all have children of their own.


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## capagrl (Jun 15, 2006)

Call me crazy, but my 2 year old is my 4th son and, honestly, I let him climb just about everything and anything he wants (and when it's something I don't want him on, I carefully evaluate whether or not I can keep him reasonably safe - if so, I allow it while holding my breath, if not, I redirect or explain it's too dangerous, but this hardly ever happens, so when it does, he seems to know I mean business). When he was 9.5 or 10 mos. old, I caught him going up the stairs for the first time. I never stopped it, I just "signed" to him while saying, "Be careful". He learned "Be careful" very early on b/c we have hardwood floors (a real point of contention between me & DH b/c I want carpeting in the worst kind of way) and he's taken many a header off the couch and such onto the floor. It's horrifying when it happens, but, honestly, he's a very cautious child as a result.

Anyway, by 10-11 months, my son was found on top of the dining room table. I again cautioned him and then we worked on showing him how to climb back down safely when he was ready. Without making it an off-limits kind of thing, he has no further interest in climbing up there (although he spent a great deal of time up there for a month or two).

I'll probably be in the minority on this, but I'd much rather my son learn caution when climbing directly beside me on the couch or in the house than have no concept of it, go to the park and decide to head 8 feet high where I can't reach him and him wind up falling. I also read somewhere that we, as parents, need to be very careful when saying things like, "If you do [blank], you will get hurt!" because we are not seers and knowers of all, we cannot fortell the future. Sometimes they *may* get hurt, but it's not guaranteed. So now I strive to say, "You could get hurt." To assume we know it all only makes them doubt what we're saying as time goes on since they will undoubtedly prove us wrong along the way.

Anyway, maybe it's a cavalier attitude to have, but my 2nd son was critically injured in a car accident when he was nine months old. I now know that seeing the inside of my son's head is about the worst injury I will (God willing) ever need to deal with, so bring on the broken bones, etc. Allowing my child to explore and learn truly natural consequences is worth it to me. Sometimes letting them get a little hurt now goes a long way toward avoiding big hurts later. I say let them explore, let them test the limits and let them know that when they get hurt, you are right there, ready to comfort them and allow them to do it again should they choose to.


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## Herausgeber (Apr 29, 2006)

No climbing/jumping on the furniture here. We try to make sure she gets plenty of outside play though. I reckon DD spends a good 6 hours a day climbing on playground equipment ...


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## Elecampane (Mar 12, 2008)

We do let DD (23 mos.) sit on the coffee table, but not stand or walk. If she stands we will tell her to sit down or get off the coffee table altogether. So far she's been compliant! She also enjoys laying on it. So far it hasn't been an issue at other people's houses, but then again, we don't get out much, lol! I think in the grand scheme of things, sitting on the coffee table is no biggie.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Yes, we do. When she was younger we padded underneath. Climbing seems to be an essential part of their development.

We got a Kangaroo Climber and that helped a great deal because its more fun to climb than the table or the sofa. But really in terms of height I don't know that its much safer than furniture. But it did give her more opportunities for climbing.


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## gaidinsgirl (Aug 15, 2006)

We dont have a coffee table, but my ds climbs on the chest that we use as a side table. He climbs on the chairs and stands up on the dining room table too.







I stop him from climbing on the dining room table but not so much the lower ones.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

We haven't had a coffee table since having children.


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## Ellen Griswold (Feb 27, 2008)

Oh yeah, climbing, sitting, though I try to curb the table dancing







It is a coffee table, so....not that far off the ground, the couch is higher up and I let them do that on their own. But we have cushy carpeting. Only once did my ds (now 5) ever climb on somebody elses and that was where another child was already on his! If you don't want him to climb on it, I think you need to remove it.


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## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

It doesn't seem realistic to expect him not to climb on the table and it's causing a conflict between you two. Either put it in the category of child-proofing and get rid of the table or let go of your expectation and let him climb away. You will both be happier!


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## avivaelona (Jun 24, 2005)

As long as I can keep him off the top of the refrigerator I'm happy.


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## Girlymomwithsons (Nov 28, 2007)

We have always had a no climbing on the furniture rule. My friends who have younger kids all thought we were mean, but as thier kids got older, started to wish they had had that rule too. I know what you mean about getting to the point were you think, is it really worth the struggle, but stand strong Mama! It is worth it. If you cave once, he will expect it everytime, and you won't want him on there anymore than you do now. I've had times where I have let them win, and trust me, it just makes it harder later. Good luck.


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## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

I think it's important for kids to have a safe place to climb. If you do keep the coffee table off limits, I'd make sure he has other places to climb in your house (or at least make sure that he gets lots of play time on outside structures). For the record, our coffee table was one of the first pieces of furniture our dd climbed--she could easily climb on top of it LONG before she could walk.... You will always be setting the limit somewhere--I'd rather set the limit at someone else's house where I can leave in a couple of hours ("no, I can't let you climb on x's table...you can climb when you get home") than set the limit hourly at my own house!


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

i do.

she is three.

its kinda hard to explain why she cant ~ when i do









i sit on our coffee table alll the time. its like an extended bench.


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

i do. i'm good with most climbing inside or out. and there have been occasiional tumbles but nothing serious. i do disallow it when there are sharp corners or similar .....


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
Yes, we do. When she was younger we padded underneath. Climbing seems to be an essential part of their development.

We got a Kangaroo Climber and that helped a great deal because its more fun to climb than the table or the sofa. But really in terms of height I don't know that its much safer than furniture. But it did give her more opportunities for climbing.

We don't have a coffee table but we have a climber..I say she gets her monkey genes from her dad









We also got a Kangaroo Climber and kept it in/near the living room and it took all the focus off climbing on the dining room table and running(we have a big table) and they loved it. When summer came I put it outside and they still climb on it a lot out there.

Their big thing is climbing on the back of the couch, jumping down to the cushions and then the floor.

They don't do it at other people's houses either...they get that. Mine are almost 3 and 5(my 5 year old was never a natural climber but she climbs with her little sister now)


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

nope. Feet on the floor. No standing on tables, couches or chairs, ever. It meant some days of putting him back on the floor 30 times but it's important to me. It's a respect thing, or something.

I do let him jump on the mattress though!


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

No. Wooden furniture is off limits. He can stand on the family room couch - he can walk all over it. But not the living room furniture. He gets it.

We also have a kangaroo climber. what about getting something like that and redirecting each time? "Can't climb on the coffee table but you CAN climb on this. Yay!" Over and over and over and over again....


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

We don't let her climb/sit/stand on the coffee table, because it's not an appropriate place to sit or stand. She has plenty of opportunities to climb, and isn't much of a climber, I guess.

We don't sit on the table, we sit on chairs or the floor. She gets it and hasn't tried to climb the table in a long time (She's 23 months).

But at the ILs, everyone seems to sit on the coffee table (Which makes me crazy, but whatever) so she wants to sit there, too. We try to kleep her off, and the older kids/adults get that we don't want her to sit there and they try to remember not to sit on it, but old habits die hard.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I didn't have a problem with my daughter climbing just about anything. My house was well babyproofed and she was constantly climbing things. IMO that's part of life with children. Kids climb.


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## littlelessons (Apr 11, 2008)

nope. In our house feet and bottoms do not belong on the tables.


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## textbookcase (May 31, 2007)

Yes, dd2 is a crazy climber. We can't keep her off of the coffee table.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

At 4 and 7 they mostly don't, but as toddlers....absolutely. We moved the coffee table to the attic for a while and used an old trunk so nobody got hurt.


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## Smalls181 (May 12, 2006)

We got rid of ours when DD was a baby. At the time it was because it took up too much space and collected too much clutter. But now that she is 29 months, I am glad we dont have one. Its just one less thing for me to worry about.


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## ShwarmaQueen (Mar 28, 2008)

We try to keep DD off of it as much as possible, but occasionally she'll sit on the end.


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

No. No climbing on furniture or the kitchen pantry shelves.







:


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## eirual (Mar 21, 2006)

Yup, it's okay here. No more dangerous than anything they'd find at the park. It's sturdy wood. Fancy glass would be a different ball game, obviously.


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

does anyone mind sharing *why* not?

I cannot even think of one thing.

Im not talking about safety with glass- I get that. I also understand not wanting them to do it at others houses.

But if the furniture is sturdy wood, whats the problem?


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## rubyeta (Jan 11, 2007)

we let dd climb on most furniture, we just limit it to places that we dont put food. since we dont really eat in the living room, the coffee table is fair game! She is also a great jumper, and jumps onto the couch from the coffee table







I just hope she doesn't get hurt, but she sure does have a blast!


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## rockportmama (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *junomama* 
it doesn't seem like it hurts anything for him to just sit on top of the coffee table and play with his toys there.

Yeah, your ds can probably tell that you really don't mind. I think that your boundaries are the best boundaries. But I also agree with the PP who said not to cave -- clear the change with DH and tell lo "We've decided you may climb onto the coffee table and sit, but no standing or climbing bookcase. Also, climbing on coffee tables is only allowed at home."

Then, as another PP suggested, teach lo how to climb down feet first. We also used sign, and taught DS the different signs for no climb, climb, sit, stand, etc. These are still useful at 2.5 -- especially in public. The other thing I did was yell "Careful!" in a certain tone right before DS fell. This happened enough times when I couldn't reach him in time that soon when I said careful he stopped where he was, and re-evaluated the situation. Sometimes he would stop and climb down, other times he would resume climbing up! I respected his decisions and just stayed very close.

Only you can know what works best for your family!


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

My son was a climber. We replaced the coffee table with a long ottoman during that time, and now he may continue to climb on the ottoman - but not the coffee table.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

We moved the coffee table to storage. My dd has already had stitches (from climbing), she's fearless, she has ZERO caution and we have hardwood floors.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

We let our son climb on the coffee table (and end tables, and the back of the couch, and most of our furniture...)

Then we got a new one that wasn't safe for him to climb on, and for awhile he was good about it and for awhile we had to put it away and now he's good about it again.

"Feet on the floor" 300 times a day was not a hill I was willing to fight for.


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## baileyandmikey (Jan 4, 2005)

no climbing or jumping on ANY of our furniture, we allow climbing out side and have a playset out side to allow for all of that. we also enrolled the kids in gymnastics so that helps. i like to keep my furniture nice for as long as I can... plain and simple. although my ds will sleep on the top part of the couch...


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallulahma* 
does anyone mind sharing *why* not?

I cannot even think of one thing.

Im not talking about safety with glass- I get that. I also understand not wanting them to do it at others houses.

But if the furniture is sturdy wood, whats the problem?

Our table is sturdy wood. But it's a table. You don't climb on tables. What's not to get?


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

As long as they don't think that ALL coffee tables are for them to climb on, I don't mind a bit. But, I wouldn't want my kids to act like they act at home, at someone elses house.

So, if my child couldn't have one set of rules at home, and another when visiting, then, no. I wouldn't allow it.

OR, if I had a nice coffee table that I didn't want to be scratched or damaged.

Otherwise, I'd say "have at it!"


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

Well we only just got a coffee table and it hasn't come up yet. I think the girls are past the climbing on things stage. I'll see with the baby. My instinct is I wouldn't allow it, but the table we have we inherrited from the IL. It's really more of an end table and not so steady, I'd be afraid it would fall on him. If I had a typical wood coffee table with 4 sturdy legs I'd probably allow it.


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

They're allowed on some tables, but not on others.. especially not on the dining table. They do it all the time just to get a rise out of me, with their cheeky little expressions, shrieking and laughing, and waiting for me to tell them no and put them back on the floor. I pull the chairs away from it, but they pull them right back.


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## joanq (Oct 27, 2005)

I also got rid of the coffee table!


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## momofmine (Jan 8, 2007)

It's kind of funny how many different responses you have gotten! I think this is a perfect example of how different people will just have different opinions about how things "should" be. And it's a good opportunity to experiment with really listening to your inner wisdom as a mommy. What do YOU think? I am finally figuring out the fact that there are so many people in the world, and there really are no right and wrong answers, just different ones. If you find yourself thinking, "Well, I just feel like I shouldn't let him do it", then you need to evaluate why you think it. And not "just because it's a table".

Yes, my children climb on the coffee table. If I didn't want them to, I would get rid of the table.


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## Ellp (Nov 18, 2004)

Nope, my kids aren't allowed to climb on the coffee table as the top is glass and the table is a "hand-me-down" from MIL and supposidly expensive and made from all sorts of unique woods. We also have a "no climb" policy on the rest of the furniture but I'm more lax in that.

My main concern is the kid's safety, and if they want to climb, we do that outside, preferably on a climbing structure at a playground, and supervised. My kids are 3.5yo and 14mo.


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *D_McG* 
Our table is sturdy wood. But it's a table. You don't climb on tables. What's not to get?

well, from that statement, I get that it is a rule for you.

But that doesnt answer why that is a rule.

Is it just because that is what you were taught, or is there a reason?

We use ours to set coffee and water on, color on, or set our laptops down. And sometimes, we sit on it.

but we are crazy around here- we eat at undesignated places- like the floor....ive even once or twice set my drink on a chair.


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## tiffani (May 17, 2002)

We do allow all sorts of climbing around here, and have non-expensive furniture so that we don't have to worry about it. the kids jump and climb all over everything, and my son's new favorite game is to scramble from the kitchen counter to the dining area table to the back of one couch to the coffee table to the other couch -- I don't really mind if there is nothing on the counter or tables, but when there is paper or drinks or whatever, I am worried that he'll slip and fall. Luckily, there is usually something or other on the counters and tables, so he doesn't get many opportunities for his indoor parkour!!

I had to laugh when someone mentioned climbing on top of the fridge, because my son JUST figured that one out!







we did request that he not do that one, though... we rent, and I don't want to have to replace a refrigerator!

I will say, though, that he does have a hard time remembering not to walk on other people's couches, once he gets comfy at their houses. the grandparents are not that impressed







, but he's almost 7 now and gets it. throughout 4,5 and 6, though, he would just walk on their couches like they were the floor.







I think, though, that if we went there more often, he'd get the rule quicker -- as it stands, we only go there once or twice a year, so as soon as he gets cozy (and excited to be there) he just automatically starts walking on the furniture...







He also tends to sit upside down on the couch and other various things that drive some people crazy, but I always try to assess the actual potential for damage and go from there -- I'm not really down with rules just for rules sake, and my kids don't seem to be either. If there is any chance of them damaging something, though (and not just perceived potential damage because whatever they're doing is unorthodox) I let them know, and they'll listen...or if they can't stop themselves, it's a clear sign that we need to head outside!!

For sure, though, that's one of those things that is different for every family! I'm not nearly as worried about injuries as most people I know...


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## justme77 (Oct 9, 2006)

Yes, we allow it here. Our coffee table is strong/sturdy/ and big. She loves to just sit up there and play w/ toys or color or hang w/ the cats. And with rules, signs, and explaining -- it has never become an issue in someone elses home. DH or myself will just say "Remember DD: whats ok at home isn't always ok in someone else home. Lets play with xxx instead." And its usually over. A few more signs or words may be necessary if the table just looks too perfect/tempting for her; but I wouldn't change our decision because of it.


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

Us too. Not because I felt it was particularly dangerous for her to be climbing on it, but once it became climbing equipment, it was no longer very useful as a table.


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

My kids are allowed to stand on the coffee table and the couch, and they run along the back of the couch (it's up against the wall), and they jump from the table to the couch or from the table to the floor. I aim for minimal restriction in the house - climbing on the stove isn't okay with me. But on the coffee table? Go for it.

When they are really so little that it's a safety issue (which if they're allowed free rein to develop the skills, isn't as long as you'd think) then lots of monitoring and some safety precautions taken - pillows on the floor to cushion any falls is a good one. When they're toddlers they do have some difficulty knowing not to get on other peoples' furniture the same way, which just means they have to be supervised and reminded until they're old enough to remember on their own. Which toddlers have to be anyway. It honestly hasn't been a battle for us at all. Simply a non-issue.

It's not just a matter of not wanting to fight that battle - although that's a part of it - but in that I genuinely enjoy my kids' enjoyment, and seeing their physical prowess and their figuring out their bodies and their limits. Watching my son (now 2) figure out how to jump off the coffee table was amazing. And now he's a pro. I love it.

If our table was glass, or not sturdy enough to support my kids' weight, then... well, honestly, we probably wouldn't own it. If it was really expensive, again: we wouldn't own it. But obviously they wouldn't be allowed on anything like that. Which is exactly why we will not be buying an expensive flimsy glass coffee table for another 20 years or so.


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## Novella (Nov 8, 2006)

When I saw "do you let your toddler climb. . ." in the main screen, I was thinking:

up tall slides?
into trees?
onto the kitchen counters?
Our coffee table is 18" off the floor. Living with two nimble little monkeys who climb like crazy (compared to our older three), this just didn't even register with me as "climbing"









Our kids climb EVERYWHERE. . . well, not trees yet b/c the only big one in our yard is an evergreen. But in addition to the others mentioned, they climb:

into the trampoline
around the outside of the trampoline enclosure
onto the desk upstairs
onto a huge pile of boxes that are temporarily stored in our living room
over the back of the couch
onto the kitchen table, frequently







:
onto the garbage can in their room, then onto the buffet we use as a change table.
up the bookcase shelves
If the original question was b/c it's a _table_: we will always let them play on our coffee table. That's why we have a sturdy wooden one. We like to put our feet up on it, too.

If it's a question relating to height and safety: as you've read, the coffee table is the least of my worries. Oh well, practice makes perfect!


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallulahma* 
well, from that statement, I get that it is a rule for you.

But that doesnt answer why that is a rule.

Is it just because that is what you were taught, or is there a reason?

Because I wouldn't want him doing it anywhere else. I want him to have respect for the furniture in our house (not climbing all over it with his shoes on, usually). I don't know how else to explain it. It seems uncontrolled to me to have kids climbing all over the furniture. I want mine to know that there are places for climbing and places for playing.







It's not really a big deal. It never occurred to me to let him climb on furniture. It just seems like common sense, knowledge, etiquette to me and it seems like a hassle to have different rules for different houses (ie - make him stay off furniture in other peoples houses).

eta: I have to say though that if other people let their kids climb on the furniture I don't think it's a big deal or anything. I just don't see the point, personally so it's not something we do.


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## littlelessons (Apr 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *D_McG* 
... I want him to have respect for the furniture in our house (not climbing all over it with his shoes on, usually). I don't know how else to explain it. It seems uncontrolled to me to have kids climbing all over the furniture. I want mine to know that there are places for climbing and places for playing.







It's not really a big deal. It never occurred to me to let him climb on furniture. It just seems like common sense, knowledge, etiquette to me and it seems like a hassle to have different rules for different houses (ie - make him stay off furniture in other peoples houses).

This is how I feel. If DC want to climb we go up and down the stairs, make giant piles of pillows and cushions on the floor and scale them, set up an obstacle course of footstools, boxes, etc. Of course, the ideal is to go outside to the yard, a playground, park, arboretum, hiking trail.

I'm not going to defend not climbing on tables or counters in our house; I'll just say it isn't something anyone here does.


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## whalemilk (Jul 11, 2008)

We don't have a coffee table, but in general the idea of just letting kids climb whatever because saying no is somehow oppressive strikes me as incredibly silly. Great way to teach a kid the entire world is his playground and the rules that other people follow just don't apply to him. Entitlement complex, here we come!


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

the entire world is my playground.... so i do not really get whats wrong with teaching kids that.

Oh, maybe we should teach them life sucks, rules rule, it is not about them all the time and nothing in life is fair? Id rather entitlement than inferiority.

I dont think its always about the word no being oppressive.

I speak only for myself.

For us, there would be no reasoning behind the word no other than our own programming.

Our table is incredibly sturdy, she is not going to break it, or damage it. It is not very high, its not going to tip. I do NOT believe that if you let a child do something in their own home that they will expect to do it elsewhere.

I let her bang the crap out of our pots & pans and such, too. never once has she tried to do that anywhere.

Im not into saying no just for the sake of it. As if im teaching my 3 year old some worldly lesson by making her stay off of the coffee table.

Ive seen some downright UNRULY children come from "feet on the floor" homes.... so i am not buying the "not teach them to do it elsewhere bit".


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littlelessons* 
nope. In our house feet and bottoms do not belong on the tables.

My ds wasn't a huge climber, but he tried to climb tables. I just put him down over and over and he got it.

Same here. I do let him jump on the beds though.


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallulahma* 
the entire world is my playground.... so i do not really get whats wrong with teaching kids that.

Oh, maybe we should teach them life sucks, rules rule, it is not about them all the time and nothing in life is fair? Id rather entitlement than inferiority.

I dont think its always about the word no being oppressive.

I speak only for myself.

For us, there would be no reasoning behind the word no other than our own programming.

Our table is incredibly sturdy, she is not going to break it, or damage it. It is not very high, its not going to tip. I do NOT believe that if you let a child do something in their own home that they will expect to do it elsewhere.

I let her bang the crap out of our pots & pans and such, too. never once has she tried to do that anywhere.

Im not into saying no just for the sake of it. As if im teaching my 3 year old some worldly lesson by making her stay off of the coffee table.

Ive seen some downright UNRULY children come from "feet on the floor" homes.... so i am not buying the "not teach them to do it elsewhere bit".

Whole big bunch of







: coming from me.


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## whalemilk (Jul 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallulahma* 
the entire world is my playground.... so i do not really get whats wrong with teaching kids that.

I can say that it most definitely is NOT. Because although you may indeed have the rest of the world as your playground, my home is not open for you to swing around in and do as you please. I'm fairly certain that you're expected to obey traffic laws like everyone else too, and not use the highways as your personal joyride course.

Quote:

Oh, maybe we should teach them life sucks, rules rule, it is not about them all the time and nothing in life is fair? Id rather entitlement than inferiority.
Well but it's not a choice between those two things. There's plenty of room in the middle. It's really not a choice between entitlement and "inferiority" but a choice between entitlement and "I'm subject to the same rules of conduct and expectations as everyone else." I guess for some having to play by the same old boring rules as the rest of society is "inferior," but I'd rather have a pro-social kid come out of my home than one who thinks "the world is my playground."


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whalemilk* 
I can say that it most definitely is NOT. Because although you may indeed have the rest of the world as your playground, my home is not open for you to swing around in and do as you please. I'm fairly certain that you're expected to obey traffic laws like everyone else too, and not use the highways as your personal joyride course.

Yes. And my children are required to obey those same kinds of rules. There's no such rule about coffee tables. It's invented, and fairly arbitrary in a lot of cases. There are enough real rules - about things that are safety concerns and about things that violate others or their property - that we don't need to be perpetuating ones that really are just fluff. In another home, it might actually be dangerous or destructive to climb on the coffee table, and there is every reason for that to be a rule. In our house it would just be in an attempt to maintain some sort of conformity with the "everyone else" who has that rule. So we don't do it.

Quote:

Well but it's not a choice between those two things. There's plenty of room in the middle. It's really not a choice between entitlement and "inferiority" but a choice between entitlement and "I'm subject to the same rules of conduct and expectations as everyone else." I guess for some having to play by the same old boring rules as the rest of society is "inferior," but I'd rather have a pro-social kid come out of my home than one who thinks "the world is my playground."
Right. My kids are subject to the same rules as everyone else. I have no idea how them climbing all over my entire home and hanging from the ceiling makes that different. My children don't climb on other people's furniture. (Unless given permission by the owner.) That's basic respect; we honor other people's personal rules. My kids are fully entitled to enjoy our home as we see fit. And others are entitled to having their personal furniture needs respected. If dh or I thought it was safe, we would be "allowed" to climb on the coffee table. We do sit on it, and we do put our feet on the couch. I have no desire to walk on the couch, but if I did there wouldn't be a person on this earth who would have any right to tell me that "it's simply not done." We're pretty entitled to do whatever we want in our own home, as long as we remain within the law.

And yeah: the world is their playground. There are rules at a playground - you have to maintain basic safety, you refrain from breaking things, and you are considerate of others. If those are the same old boring rules, then, yeah, my kids have to go by them, no matter where they are in this world that is their playground. Rules for the sake of rules? I do find that needlessly oppressive, and it's simply not done in my house. I assure you, my kids are "pro-social."


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## RollerCoasterMama (Jul 22, 2008)

We don't have a coffee table in the main part of the house anymore. When DS was learning to pull up, we put it downstairs because we didn't want him to hit the corners falling down. Now we're used to the big open layout and just have a couple of tv trays if we want a surface. I've been very gradually letting up on the vigilence about climbing. He's going to do it, so I've been trying to teach him caution and repurcussions. He doesn't fall much and has learned to ask for help when things seem a little scary (thank goodness he knows when he's overreached his skills right now!!). There are still some things off-limits for climbing (entertainment center and then pull down on the shelves!), but for the most part, I've been trying to let him learn, and he's pretty careful. He loves to tip his toy-bins upside down and practice jumping off them. Rather then rescue him every time, I've been helping him get better and learn when he needs help.

I gave up on no-climbing when he got good at getting up on the couches and was able to get down again without taking a header into the wood floor. Now I just help him practice safety skills.

BUT...I only have one kid at home (no feeding off each other and easier to supervise) and we have a very child-proofed main part of the house (for our convenience more than his safety). Every family is different!


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

My answer would be "it depends".

Ds was not a climber so it wasn't an issue for me in real life. If we have another baby I would be inclined to discourage playing and climbing in places where I felt uneasy, where I may be concerned about damage, where climbing would interfere with the intended use of the space, and depending on the furniture arrangement involved, that may include the coffee table.

If I did feel uncomfortable, for whatever reason, I would assess the temperment of the toddler and decide what to do next. Is this a toddler I could redirect easily? If so I would have a safe place for them climb and move the baby there to play. Is this a toddler who will go back 100x in a row? I would put away the coffee table for a few weeks, redirect them to a safe climbing area, and try putting the coffee table back out.

I don't think toddlers have a need to climb on everything in sight, but I do think we as a family have a need to not spend our day bickering over a table. There is a balance. I don't feel a toddler is deprived if there are limits on where they can climb, but I would feel badly if the entire day was spent enforcing those limits--that won't be fun for anyone. If the child cannot be easily redirected, I would remove access to the table for awhile and try again later.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

we put our coffee table away months ago, so it's a non-issue at our house.

she's starting to want to climb up on other stuff, and we can't put all of it in the attic. my guess is i'll usually try to discourage this, the main reason being it wont be acceptable in public, etc., so i'd rather she not get accustomed to climbing all over tables.

though i did let her climb up and sit on a table that was in the outdoor patio area of a (veeeery casual) restaurant. she wanted to look down inside the umbrella hole and drop her binky down it


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## mama_daba (Dec 7, 2004)

i help my 9 month old with climbing on the coffee table and i assume he will want to climb on other stuff as he gets older. i have been looking into the stuff ikea sells for climbing on. my cousin who is 4 has her own part of a book case that is free of books so she can climb into it and play on that shelf we have very strong well made book cases that are bolted to the walls so i plan to do the same for my son when he is old enough. i guess i love to climb and always have and hope m son will love climbing as well.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

When ds was younger (maybe up to age 2.5) we had storage ottomans instead of our coffee table (it is a cheap glass one, and the glass would tip with the slightest weight on it). He was allowed to climb on them, but when he was younger I tried to make sure I was close and had pillows laying around them.

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Originally Posted by *junomama* 
The other concern is that he will think it's OK to climb on other people's furniture when we go visit. So we're trying to stick to it, just like we don't allow him to stand on the dining room chairs.

I found this was not really an issue. He started to climb on my mom's furniture a time or two, but I gave him a couple reminders and redirected him to some activity where he could get his energy out, and he pretty much remembered not to climb on furniture in other houses.
I found that ds was really good at remembering different rules at different houses.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

DS has never had any interrest in climbing - at all. However, if he did, my concern would not be him but our coffee table. Its cheap...very! lol... If he had a need to climb, I would try to figure something else out for him that he found acceptable. If our coffee table was more sturdy though, I dont think id have a problem with it.


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whalemilk* 
I can say that it most definitely is NOT. Because although you may indeed have the rest of the world as your playground, my home is not open for you to swing around in and do as you please. I'm fairly certain that you're expected to obey traffic laws like everyone else too, and not use the highways as your personal joyride course.

Well but it's not a choice between those two things. There's plenty of room in the middle. It's really not a choice between entitlement and "inferiority" but a choice between entitlement and "I'm subject to the same rules of conduct and expectations as everyone else." I guess for some having to play by the same old boring rules as the rest of society is "inferior," but I'd rather have a pro-social kid come out of my home than one who thinks "the world is my playground."

We are just having a difference of definitions. I do not expect my 3 year old to abide by "rules"... i teach her to respect others, to be gentle with other people and their things, and to beware of dangerous situations.

I dont say, "heck with it, jump off the monkey bars head first just because you can, or go run into that persons house and jump on their couch."

Just like I do not stop at a red light because it is a rule.

I stop at a red light because i know the oncoming traffic gas a green light and that it would be dangerous to cross.

I approach things differently. I view the world as a playground. A playground with fun things, boring things, dangerous things, and other people. Learning how to think critically and maneuver around by using her common sense and respect for others makes for an INCREDIBLY social child.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Collinsky* 
Yes. And my children are required to obey those same kinds of rules. There's no such rule about coffee tables. It's invented, and fairly arbitrary in a lot of cases. There are enough real rules - about things that are safety concerns and about things that violate others or their property - that we don't need to be perpetuating ones that really are just fluff. In another home, it might actually be dangerous or destructive to climb on the coffee table, and there is every reason for that to be a rule. In our house it would just be in an attempt to maintain some sort of conformity with the "everyone else" who has that rule. So we don't do it.

Right. My kids are subject to the same rules as everyone else. I have no idea how them climbing all over my entire home and hanging from the ceiling makes that different. My children don't climb on other people's furniture. (Unless given permission by the owner.) That's basic respect; we honor other people's personal rules. My kids are fully entitled to enjoy our home as we see fit. And others are entitled to having their personal furniture needs respected. If dh or I thought it was safe, we would be "allowed" to climb on the coffee table. We do sit on it, and we do put our feet on the couch. I have no desire to walk on the couch, but if I did there wouldn't be a person on this earth who would have any right to tell me that "it's simply not done." We're pretty entitled to do whatever we want in our own home, as long as we remain within the law.

And yeah: the world is their playground. There are rules at a playground - you have to maintain basic safety, you refrain from breaking things, and you are considerate of others. If those are the same old boring rules, then, yeah, my kids have to go by them, no matter where they are in this world that is their playground. Rules for the sake of rules? I do find that needlessly oppressive, and it's simply not done in my house. I assure you, my kids are "pro-social."



















totally.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whalemilk* 
We don't have a coffee table, but in general the idea of just letting kids climb whatever because saying no is somehow oppressive strikes me as incredibly silly. Great way to teach a kid the entire world is his playground and the rules that other people follow just don't apply to him. Entitlement complex, here we come!

I don't let my son climb on the furniture because I think "no" is oppressive. I do it because:

1. It doesn't bother me.
2. It doesn't hurt the furniture
2. He thinks it's fun.

I can't think of an actual reason NOT to let him, so I let him.









But then, the same rules do apply to everyone else in the house. If I or my husband or a guest WANTED to stand on the coffee table or sit on the back of the couch, I wouldn't have a problem with it either


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## I-AM-Mother (Aug 6, 2008)

my children climb and jump on just about anything in my house and they all learn what they are physically able to do the hard way.

i follow this rule of thumb i learned while living in Germany. german mothers hardly intervene when their children are playing on the playground or running around their house. they are much more laid back.

after watching the way they interacted with their children, i slowly began to trust my child. a beginner's mind learns quickly.

when it comes to OTHER people's property, we honor it.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
I don't let my son climb on the furniture because I think "no" is oppressive. I do it because:

1. It doesn't bother me.
2. It doesn't hurt the furniture
2. He thinks it's fun.

I can't think of an actual reason NOT to let him, so I let him.









But then, the same rules do apply to everyone else in the house. If I or my husband or a guest WANTED to stand on the coffee table or sit on the back of the couch, I wouldn't have a problem with it either 

This is exactly how I feel. Our coffee table is sturdy. Our floor is carpeted. I don't ever recall her having trouble with wanting to climb anyone else's tables either. I think she was to interested in other things at other people's houses or something.

But there is no real reason why I would have kept my daughter from climbing the table other than that I really liked power struggles. Which I didn't and don't.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

My kids are rarely in the living room without standing on the coffee table. They typically move up closer to the couch, then do flips (or whatever a 2 year old's version of a flip is) onto the couch.

I really don't mind that much, it isn't nice at all and we've had no issues with doing that at other people's houses.

We don't allow bed jumping but that's because we have crappy beds that can't take jumping.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
I don't let my son climb on the furniture because I think "no" is oppressive. I do it because:

1. It doesn't bother me.
2. It doesn't hurt the furniture
2. He thinks it's fun.

I can't think of an actual reason NOT to let him, so I let him.









But then, the same rules do apply to everyone else in the house. If I or my husband or a guest WANTED to stand on the coffee table or sit on the back of the couch, I wouldn't have a problem with it either 

Yes to this! Some of my fondest childhood memories are climbing on grandma's furniture and pretending and game playing on the furniture. I LOVED it and yes I fell and hurt my head more than once. Did that stop me. Nope. Kept right on doing it. I let my girls do the same...within reason of course. No one goes to the hospital, but I let them explore. Part of childhood. They are only young once. Enjoy it.


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## navetdi (Oct 24, 2005)

A timely thread for me....just yesterday, I tried to enforce "No standing on the coffee table naked", and DH disagreed with me with a simple, "why not?" Well...we eat there sometimes, ya know? (DD is not potty trained). But, usually, yeah, she can climb on the coffee table - no underlying philosophical reason but just because it's there.


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## crazydiamond (May 31, 2005)

Am I the only one who's kid _doesn't_ climb on the coffee table? She's 3 years old and I can't recall a single time she's ever expressed interest in trying to climb on it.

But, if she did, I'd let her since I can't think of a good reason, just like prothyraia, why not.


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## junomama (Oct 28, 2006)

OP here ... thanks for such an interesting variety of responses! It's given me a lot to think about, and I found myself nodding my head with this comment:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momofmine* 
It's kind of funny how many different responses you have gotten! I think this is a perfect example of how different people will just have different opinions about how things "should" be. And it's a good opportunity to experiment with really listening to your inner wisdom as a mommy. What do YOU think? I am finally figuring out the fact that there are so many people in the world, and there really are no right and wrong answers, just different ones. If you find yourself thinking, "Well, I just feel like I shouldn't let him do it", then you need to evaluate why you think it. And not "just because it's a table".

Over the weekend, we tried out _not_ saying anything when DS got onto the coffee table, and it really wasn't a big deal. He sat and played for a little while, and then he got back down and played some more from a standing position. (We did tell him that we'd let him sit on the coffee table after he gave us a _look_ the first time.) I think I'll just continue with that and see where it goes. After all, DH and I sit on the coffee table, too ... though we don't stand on it. (Especially not naked!)


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## WinterWillow (Apr 17, 2005)

My girls jump on everything in our house but NOT at others. Ive kind of given up trying to get them to stop. They just have alot of energy! If they get too worked up i shoo them outside let them run around like crazy.







there kids


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

DH freaks.

I, don't mind, if I'm there supervising. It's a low sturdy table... and there are two large couches nearby. The kids like to dance on the table...and then jump onto the couch.

I would not have felt comfortable with our old table, however.

Sometimes, if they're getting too excited... I may have to redirect to calm them down. Or say... everybody off of the coffee table for 5 minutes.

Of course, I cracked my head open on a marble coffee table when I was about 6... jumping on the couch.


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

I let dd climb anything that won't tip, break, or cause permanent damage to her or it.

The caveat being I do respect the rules others set for their homes.


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## tiffani (May 17, 2002)

Climbing on furniture has nothing to do with entitlement, it has to do with exuberance and exploration, and I'm just not willing to thwart that for an arbitrary rule. Like others have said, we follow the laws of gravity







, kindness, respect, consideration for others, etc, but rules for rules sake don't make a lot of sense to me, and in my experience, they don't make a lot of sense to kids either -- they may obey the rules to avoid punishment, but that's not what I'm trying to teach my kids.

I do totally respect other people having a "no climbing on our furniture" rule, but it's rather insulting to imply that people who don't have such rules are doing a disservice to anyone...


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Ours was glass so we got rid of it. The rest is on a furniture-to-furniture basis, how it functions and how old/sturdy it is. Ds knows he can do things on the couch he is not allowed to do on his great-grandfather's chair, although sometimes he needs a little reminding.

I only found him on the kitchen table twice. It is high and we have ceramic floors. No way baby!!! I'm not willing to chance that. Injuries can happen anywhere, but that one is pretty preventable.


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## Draupadi (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *D_McG* 
nope. Feet on the floor. No standing on tables, couches or chairs, ever. It meant some days of putting him back on the floor 30 times but it's important to me. It's a respect thing, or something.

I do let him jump on the mattress though!









:

He can jump on our bed or in his crib (he doesn't really use it for anything else anyway) but no climbing, jumping or standing on the coffee table. Ours has a glass top. Waaaay too scary.


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

When we had a coffee table, it was a "Lack" Ikea table/shelf. When we first got it, it was a coffee table. DS was allowed to climb on it, but eventually he wanted to get at the stuff in it, and that made me nuts. I cannot deal with putting things away 18 million times a day, and there was no other place for those things.

So we changed the coffee table to a shelf by taking off the legs and standing it up against the wall (and bolting it to the wall). He tried a couple times to use it to pull to stand, but the same items that were in it as a coffee table were put in it as a shelf, and he "got" that the shelf was off limits for climbing (as all of our shelves are, though they are all indeed bolted to the wall, just in case!!!!!).

Then I grew tired of it as a shelf, and our dining chairs were dying, so we turned it into a bench to sit on for meals (back when we had a dining table!). Sitting was fine. Walking from point a to point b was fine.

Of course, then he discovered that he could sit on the dining room table and he was happy with that. I didn't care. He didn't do it for long, b/c getting down was the hard part and that bothered him.

Then we moved and the shelf turned into a table again, upstairs across from the laundry area, to hold the laundry basket on top, piles of clean clothes on top, and slings and whatnot inside. That wasn't allowed to be climbed upon b/c it would have made a scary launching pad over the stairs.

Moved again and it became a coffee table again! He was 3 by then and had no interest in climbing on it.

Now it's a TV unit. Dang it's versatile! No climbing on it.

DS has never tried to climb on furniture at other peoples' houses as far as I recall. He totally gets that there are home rules and there are out of home rules.

And there are also different rules for different furniture. Jumping on the bed is OK, jumping on the air mattress is not. Slamming doors is never OK, but especially if it's the door of the antique ice box. etc. It's just never been a confusion to him, once things are explained.


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## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *junomama* 
So far, DH and I have had a "feet on the floor" approach to our nearly 2-year-old son's attempts to climb on the coffee table. It's hard for me sometimes, though, because he _loves_ to climb, and it doesn't seem like it hurts anything for him to just sit on top of the coffee table and play with his toys there. The concern is that he would then progress to _standing_ on the table and perhaps launching himself onto the bookcase nearby and possibly hurt himself. The other concern is that he will think it's OK to climb on other people's furniture when we go visit. So we're trying to stick to it, just like we don't allow him to stand on the dining room chairs.

But we're having one of those days - he's crawled up on the coffee table half a dozen times, and he doesn't get down when I ask him on my own, and when I pick him up and put him back on the floor, he scrambles back up moments later. On days like these, I wonder, should I just lighten up and let him sit on the dang coffee table? It's not like he's hurting himself up there. I question whether it's a boundary that's reasonable, and I question the best way to continually enforce the rule.

Anyone else deal with something like this?

ooh i'm interested in this thread! Haven't read any but the OP yet but am excited to see the responses. I have the same internal conflicts!


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