# How long does it take your toddler to fall asleep ?



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

I mean from starting when the routine part is over (teeth, pj's, books, etc). So the moment you consider it "bedtime"/lights out etc. It has been taking me 2+ hours lately to put ds (26 months) to bed. Lots of flipping around, making silly sounds, etc. He only falls asleep nursing about 50% of the time. The rest of the time I get annoyed after a while and ask him to stop because otherwise I think he'd just continue to nurse and stay awake for hours and hours. By the time he is 100% asleep it's close to 10pm and I'm too tired to do anything. I really would like some time at night to reconnect with DH, clean up a few things, and maybe relax and watch some TV or something.

Any tried and true ideas?

Also, I'm very curious about what age do children put themselves to sleep...as in, you can kiss them goodnight, and they will lay in bed and fall asleep on their own














I know my DS is still young, i'm just curious!!


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## mamakaikai (Apr 17, 2009)

That sounds really hard and frustrating! Good job on being patient and gentle with your babe.

On good nights like tonight, 2 minutes and she's out. She had a nice long bath, we nursed, brushed teeth, read silly books, read quiet books, and then it was light out cuddle quiet time. I whisper made up songs describing things she loves, like cats wearing beautiful boots playing ball and other silly things and she drifts off...

On not so great nights, I give her 15 minutes of cuddles and quiet story/songs and then it's daddy for bed time, which is not at all her preference. He takes over, she protests. I give it a few minutes and then I come in to see her andI acknowledge that she is feeling sad and we have a chat about bed time being for sleeping and I encourage her to close her eyes and then she usually gets to sleep.

For us, if it takes longer than this, it's usually because we messed up her routine and she's just not tired enough.

I've never been a routine kind of person. But it seems to make a world of difference to her. Time wise, and also all the cues that it's time to unwind and get quiet make a big difference.

Also, she falls asleep much better if I leave my worries and stresses outside her bedroom door. She can completely sense if I am agitated about something on the inside. And she will toss and turn and chat and squirm. I have found that if I take a deep breath and slow down my breathing, she cues into it and calms down too.

Hope this can help. Best luck to you!


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## Mrs-Mama (Jul 2, 2007)

I recommend reading _Sleepless in America_ and _The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers_. I won't say DS's bedtime routine is flawless, but for the most part, we've gone from having to lay beside him in his bed for increasingly long intervals to him falling asleep on his own (with the occasional 1-2 "visits" after leaving his room).

The first thing I did was move out of his bed...instead I sat with the rocking chair as close to the bed as possible and I would hold his hand as he fell asleep. Then, after a few nights (weeks? don't remember), I would need to do something out of the room (put books away, etc) and then be RIGHT back. Then, I'd need to use the bathroom and be right back. Then, I could take a shower and be right back...by then he was usually asleep by the time I checked on him.

It also seemed like there was a balance of activity that we needed to maintain after he went to bed. No activity meant that he needed to come investigate the lack of activity. Too much activity meant the same thing. Emptying the dishwasher, etc seemed to be just right. He could hear us (that was reassuring) and he could identify what we were doing, so no need to investigate.


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## lizziebits (Sep 3, 2007)

Around that age, we started having DS fall asleep on his own. I honestly think our presence was too distracting. We started slowly, rubbing his back instead of rocking him to sleep (we stopped nursing to sleep a couple of months before). Then we would just sing to him, and slowly moved further and further from the door.

Its worked out wonderfully -- we brush teeth, read stories, sing songs, say prayers and then he snuggles in bed with his teddy and reminds us to leave the door open. Then we leave, and 9 nights out of 10 he's out for the night. The other time he just needs an extra snuggle and he's good to go.

I can't tell you how much this has helped my sanity. We went from hours of putting him to sleep to bedtime being a 15-20 minutes affair.


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## pumpkinseed (Aug 6, 2005)

This is so timely for me. My dd is 16 months old and going through this. I had always been able to nurse her or rock her to sleep. However, she doesn't want to do this anymore-she pops off when done-and arches her back and screams and squirms to be put down if I try to rock her-so I put her down-but then she just plays and rolls all over. I try to rub her back to sleep-this has only worked a few times-I usually end up picking her back up and nursing her some more-and then go through the cycle over and over again until she goes to sleep. It takes an hour and a half on average, sometimes two...a good night is an hour.

I keep thinking routine-like all of the other posters here-We do routine-but not necessarily a lot of relaxing things-but she is just not a relaxing sort of girl-so how do you calm down a child who is always go go go...we do soft music, low lights, calmness all of that in the half hour or so leading up to bed time...but she is still wired and rolling around giggling.

Hollytheteacher-have you tried an earlier bedtime? A lot of kids respond to an earlier time even though it appears they aren't tired yet... I have tried this with limited success-it still takes a while-but at least I have a bit of time after the hour and a half to two hours opposed to going right to sleep myself. I feel for you!

This is my second child-I did the inching out of the room thing with my oldest and it worked wonderfully. My current dd doesn't even let me sit down or she screams...ugh.


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## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Okay, tonight i'm gonna try the "be right back" stuff. I'm just worried he isn't going to stay in bed and immediately follow me out...


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## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

We have a 4 year and a 26 month old. We bring them to bed at the same time (we cosleep). I lie in between them. After reading the books etc. the 4 year old falls asleep within minutes and for the 26 month old it can be up to an hour. He nurses to sleep a lot of times but when that doesn't work it can take up to an hour with flopping around. Our 4 year old was also like that at first. I think it is also age related. The 4 year old knows how to fall asleep, she cuddles me and closes her eyes and falls asleep. The 2 year old is much more distracted, I have to take away all toys/items, otherwise it takes even longer. When the 2 year old wakes in the night, he also goes back asleep in minutes because he is usually still relaxed and just needs to check on me at those times.

When I loose my patience I sometimes let DH take over, DS does not like that at all for some reason, so when I come back after a few minutes he falls asleep quickly. However I am not sure if I like this method, it is not nice for DH as well.

Carma


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## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

DS still co-sleeps so by the time we lie down, it takes him about 45 minutes to fall asleep. Generally during that time, he is cuddling with one of us or holding our hand. We haven't got to the stage of sleeping in his own room yet.


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## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nummies* 
DS still co-sleeps so by the time we lie down, it takes him about 45 minutes to fall asleep. Generally during that time, he is cuddling with one of us or holding our hand. We haven't got to the stage of sleeping in his own room yet.









Oh my ds is not in his own room either...i'm just talking about putting him down (in our room) and then being able to sneak away for an hour or two before I am ready to go to sleep.

And i tried the "be right back thing" and he freaked out and cried really sadly so i ended up staying with him but then it seemed like he could sense i wanted to sneak out so he kept almost falling asleep but hten waking up and crying...*sigh*

I want to know the magic trick lol. He was the GREATEST sleeper ever as a baby but this toddler stage is a whole nother ball game lol. Tonight, I started nursing him at 8 and it is now 9:11 and he's still wide awake. I stopped nursing a few min ago because i just can't take it any longer but now he's flipping all around and kind of almost falling asleep and then saying "i go downstairs mama?" or kicking me or do anything he can to stay awake. I know he needs to go to sleep because when I wake him up in the morning to go to school (he goes with me to work) he is waaay tired and does not want to get up and doens't even have time to eat breakfast before we leave because he can't get up. I literally get him dressed while he's asleep and plop him his car seat with a banana or granola bar. And his whole morning he's tired/whiny ish...til nap and he goes down SO VERY EASILY for nap. and then he only naps for exactly one hour every day so it's not like he's over napping either.....grrrrrr....going craaaazy....lol


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## crunchymamatobe (Jul 8, 2004)

At about 26 months, we started with the "be right back" tricks, too, and they mostly work. It first started with leaving his room to put on the CD that we always played at bedtime, which was a totally genuine reason to leave, and one night he fell asleep during the three or four minutes it took me to find the CD, start it playing, and use the toilet. We do come back if we say we will, give kisses, sit a little if requested, but try to excuse ourselves after a few more minutes.

DS is very nearly 3 and asks to have the light on when falling asleep, which is fine with me, but if he gets out of bed, his "punishment" is the light goes off.

On a good night, we say goodnight and DS is asleep within 10-15 minutes without needing to be checked on.

Other nights, or if he's napped during the day, it take him more like 30-45 minutes to fall asleep, with a couple of requests for extra kisses or trips to the toilet.

To the OP, at 26 months, he *might* be ready to start skipping naps. At that age, our DS started skipping naps every second or third day. It's been a very gradual process, from not napping once every 3-4 days to only napping once every 3-4 days over about 10 months.

Also 8pm is kind of late for a 2 year old to start the bedtime process. What time does he have to get up in the morning?

I would try skipping the nap and then aiming for bedtime an hour earlier.


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## mommariffic (Mar 18, 2009)

It depends!

DD hates napping. She gets really exhausted by like, 4pm but doesn't want to nap so we have quiet time. If she doesn't nap at 6:45 we head into my room [we co-sleep still] with warm milk or tea, and snuggle. Normally she will drink and fall asleep, but sometimes we end up talking or singing for a half hour tops. Than I'm like DUDETTE GO TO BED! And she does, because she's exhausted but just being an overtired lady.


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## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrunchyMamaToBe* 
At about 26 months, we started with the "be right back" tricks, too, and they mostly work. It first started with leaving his room to put on the CD that we always played at bedtime, which was a totally genuine reason to leave, and one night he fell asleep during the three or four minutes it took me to find the CD, start it playing, and use the toilet. We do come back if we say we will, give kisses, sit a little if requested, but try to excuse ourselves after a few more minutes.

DS is very nearly 3 and asks to have the light on when falling asleep, which is fine with me, but if he gets out of bed, his "punishment" is the light goes off.

On a good night, we say goodnight and DS is asleep within 10-15 minutes without needing to be checked on.

Other nights, or if he's napped during the day, it take him more like 30-45 minutes to fall asleep, with a couple of requests for extra kisses or trips to the toilet.

To the OP, at 26 months, he *might* be ready to start skipping naps. At that age, our DS started skipping naps every second or third day. It's been a very gradual process, from not napping once every 3-4 days to only napping once every 3-4 days over about 10 months.

Also 8pm is kind of late for a 2 year old to start the bedtime process. What time does he have to get up in the morning?

I would try skipping the nap and then aiming for bedtime an hour earlier.

Thanks for the suggestions. There is NO WAY he could skip a nap. He is at school we me and we have "rest time" where everyone lays down and we rub backs and play music and he is out within five minutes...there's no way i could keep him awake...plus by then he's sooo tired becasue of having to have woken up early in the morning to get to school.

As for his bed time at 8 it's almost impossible for it to be earlier because we don't get home until 6...then we have to make dinner, eat, clean up, do bath, teeth, books etc and it always just before 8 by the time we can start putting him to sleep.

ahhh okay don't have much time to post, but i'll be back later!


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## Karamom (Mar 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamakaikai* 

On good nights like tonight, 2 minutes and she's out. She had a nice long bath, we nursed, brushed teeth, read silly books, read quiet books, and then it was light out cuddle quiet time. I whisper made up songs describing things she loves, like cats wearing beautiful boots playing ball and other silly things and she drifts off...









This is the stuff I dream about. Here ds also takes 2+ hours to fall asleep.


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## mlh (Sep 29, 2005)

Our bed time has changed a lot lately. I have a 5 yr old who doesn't nap and needs to go to bed around 7:30. She is so exhausted she is usually out within 5-10 minutes. We are not at the point of kissing and saying good night though...we lay down with her until she falls asleep.

Now, our 2 yr old...I just cut out her naps because night time was becomming an issue. The only way to make bed time a breeze, was to cut her naps (or on some day when she really needs one, just make it short, like30 min). With her naps cut, we rock her and she falls asleep in 5 minutes.

Cutting naps may not be an option for you, but how about just starting bed time a bit later? Or offering a little Calm forte (Hylands Homeopathic...works wonders!)

Good luck to you!


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## MamaE (May 1, 2004)

It takes me an hour to and an hour and a half to get my 2.5 yo down, so I feel your pain! We also lie with him until he goes to sleep. I have tried the "be right back" business but he freaks. At that hour, it's so not worth the battle to me.

I almost hate to suggest this (it sounds painful to me as the mother of a similar aged child) but... would it be crazy to let him nap for a half hour and then gently wake him? You could still snuggle and rest, read books maybe. I do think that when my son naps for an hour or more, bedtime takes a lot longer. He's a frequent waker at naptime so I often just let him wake up when he cries instead of nursing him back to sleep which is what he would prefer.

For us, if it's not the protracted bedtimes, it's the nightwaking! Many days, I feel very close to losing my last marble over the whole sleep issue at our house.









Good luck to you!


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## sunfish21 (Jun 4, 2009)

DD is 19 months and the past few nights bedtime has been a 1-2 1/2 hour affair. I am frustrated but unwilling to let her CIO. She had been going into bed awake and falling asleep alone after rocking and nursing. I think I held her until she was asleep a few nights in a row and it has really messed things up. Went back in tonight every couple minutes while she whined and threw her cup and blanket out...and then, after an hour, she fell asleep. Ugh.


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## FREEmom1120 (Feb 23, 2008)

Glad to hear I'm not the only one!!

I used to walk dd to sleep for bedtime. Then one night I was just over it because she wasn't going to sleep, so I just let her stay up until we went to bed and let her lay in bed with us. She surprised me and took about 15 minutes to sleep. She was a bit over a year at the time. So I stopped walking her and started just laying with her.

The average is now 45 mins. She's 23 months. NO WAY can we cut naps. I think we need to shorten them though. She easily sleeps 2-3.5 hours during the day.

Ugh! Sleep stuff is just hard.


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## etsdtm99 (Jun 19, 2009)

with my 1st, she was nursed/comforted etc to sleep for as long as it took until she asked us to stop staying in her room with her just before she turned 3 .. she dropped her nap at 22 months .. by 2.5 she was taking an hour to fall asleep again, so it was just a temporary solution..

DS is 17 months and it takes him an hour to fall asleep at bedtime unless we let him stay up until 10pm .. then its only 30 mins.. but if i start at 7:30 he falls asleep by 8:30 (rocking/nursing/holding him) that does not include bath/books etc.


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## Nightswimming (May 11, 2009)

It can take my 18 month old son a while to fall asleep at night too. We bed share and I have been nursing him down in our bed. Sometimes, however (the past 2 nights) I wear him down in the Ergo (while breastfeeding) to sleep and then transfer him to the bed. When he is tired yet still wanting to do things and be busy putting him in the Ergo gets him to sleep relatively quickly. Good luck!


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