# telling someone else's kids not to hit my cat



## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

one thing i've learned from this forum is that a lot of parents are very sensitive about other people telling their children anything that could be construed as "discipline," especially if they are right there.

i am sensitive to that, but what would you do if a visiting child at your house took a swing at your 19 year old cat, who was just walking by, minding her own business. is it OK to state, on the spot, "please don't hit the kitty," instead of waiting for the parent to say that?

i feel like the statement is most effective if you say it while the child is still in the act, and i can't be sure if the parent is going to say anything at all... and in the case of my cat, she is elderly and i really don't want to give the kid a second chance to take another swing at her.

i'm talking about little kids, by the way, 2, 3 years old -- impulsive, inexperienced with animals, etc.

what do you think?


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I'm one who has a problem with people disciplining my kids when I'm right there, and I would have no problem with this. To me, that's a safety issue - not only for your kitty, but for the child and requires immediate action.


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## Porcelain Interior (Feb 8, 2008)

I think if the mom was right there I'd say "Oh you should probably tell him not to mess with the kitty- she's old and grouchy and I wouldn't want him to get bit or scratched."

If the mom wasn't right there I'd just get down on my knees and tell the child exactly that.

I don't think that's discipline, it's just common sense safety.

If the child was just interested in the cat I'd also maybe help him/her pet the cat, unless the cat truly didn't like little kids.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I'd like to add, though, that if I had an elderly cat that could be physically or emotionally harmed by an overzeaolus toddler, I'd probably do my best to keep them separate - like keep the cat in another room for the duration of the visit.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

I think I'd hop down on the floor and show the child how to pet the kitty safely. Then the visiting parent would probably get the hint, and I haven't said anything negative to their child.


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

I'd absolutely say something. That is not something to tip toe around, especially since you are going to be labeled the bad guy if you cat reacts to the inappropriate behavior. I wouldn't think twice about saying something.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

There is nothing wrong with telling a guest in your home to stop hurting your pet. Everyone who comes to my home - be they 2, 20 or 200 - knows that one of my inviolable rules is that you do not abuse my animals. You do? You're done as far as spending time in my home until you are able to treat them with respect. I don't care if the parent is there or not.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

i agree. i see protecting a pet from a child (and visa versa) as a safety issue that you, as the pet owner, have a responsibility to do.
there is a difference between disciplining and informing. obviously, giving a time out for what you described would be over the discipline line!


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamarootoo* 
i agree. i see protecting a pet from a child (and visa versa) as a safety issue that you, as the pet owner, have a responsibility to do.
there is a difference between disciplining and informing. obviously, giving a time out for what you described would be over the discipline line!









agreed. i don't even know you, and i'd probably be UPSET if you did NOT tell my DD not to take a swing at your elderly kitty (not that she'd necessarily listen, and you might have to put the cat somewhere safe just to make sure she didn't hit her again)! poor cat!


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Of course, you could just leave it to the child to find out the natural consequences of swatting at cats. I'd bet the swatting would stop when s/he finds out that cats swat back. And have sharper claws than small children.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Of course, you could just leave it to the child to find out the natural consequences of swatting at cats. I'd bet the swatting would stop when s/he finds out that cats swat back. And have sharper claws than small children.

In this case, though, the cat in question is elderly - it could be that a rough toddler could be very dangerous to the cat.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I take more of the avoid the whole situation approach - when my friends come over with small toddlers or kids who do not know how to act around our puppy, he goes up. Saves everyone the hassle, esp since he's a dachshund and I don't want kids picking him up - yet he's small and they always want to.

I would certainly intervene if necessary though. With older kids I've laid out the ground rules (ie, don't pick him up, could hurt his back) and if they try to pick him up I just go over and say he needs to go up now. With a kitty, I might go over and get the kitty, put her up and tell the parent I was afraid their kid would get scratched.

I guess that's a more indirect approach. And I know with my kiddo, when he was 2 and super impulsive, no amount of talking would have kept him away from the kitty.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

Thre are problems with letting nature take it's course and letting the cat swat the child. Cats scratches can convey bacteria that cause "cat scratch fever" a real disease that is not fun.

In the name of protecting my pet, in this situation, I'd place the cat out of harms way. Two and three year old kids just don't have the impulse control to approach a cat or dog in a gentle manner consistently.

At this age, I think creating an environment without a cat is far easier than trying to control their behavior with the cat.

As to gently guiding a child in how to interact with a pet of mine, absolutely, I'd jump in and work with the child in a learning manner and not a corrective one.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Here's what I'd do anyway. I'd scoop kitty up and remove her, and say, "We have to be careful with kitty. She's old and could get hurt easily." Somehow saying "we" makes it go over better.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
In this case, though, the cat in question is elderly - it could be that a rough toddler could be very dangerous to the cat.

I'm one of those people that won't say anything to children. I will say something to the parent, or I will remove my 'property' from the equation, but in the case where there is serious immediate harm to the elderly kitty, I would remove the cat.

I may out of instinct say "please don't touch the kitty, he's old" but even that would make me nervous.


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## vbactivist (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
I'm one of those people that won't say anything to children. I will say something to the parent, or I will remove my 'property' from the equation, but in the case where there is serious immediate harm to the elderly kitty, I would remove the cat.

I may out of instinct say "please don't touch the kitty, he's old" but even that would make me nervous.


why would you be nervous?

are there really people here who would have a problem with someone else asking their child to stop hurting a cat? What if the child was hurting _your child_? What if the child was hurting _you_? I really am interested in hearing from parents that don't want other adults speaking directly to their children. I actually prefer that people speak directly to my children, rather than acting like they're not capable of understanding. If the adult says something innapropriate, then I would step in, of course.


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## hazelmama (Nov 2, 2004)

I see no problem with asking them nicely not to hit the kitty. I think it's important to also explain why--that the cat is elderly, fragile, grouchy, might scratch, etc. I would then try to redirect their attention to other, better activities. With a younger, friendly cat I would attempt to show them how to safely interact, but not with such an elderly cat. I would not wait for their parents to intervene as it is a safety issue for both the cat and the child. Also, their parents may not be experienced with animals either (or aware of the cat's advanced age) and might not know that intervention is necessary.

Based on my experience with our 19yo cat, I would only remove the cat to another room if the kids seemed really focused on her and I couldn't get their attention diverted. I would not be comfortable locking her away if it restricted her access to water, food, or the litter box even for a short period of time. Our old cat is mostly blind and gets easily confused now, so these items have to stay in place where she remembers them to be. Even physically moving her around the house can sometimes be distressing and confusing for her, so I would not do so except as a last resort. YMMV based on the physical and mental health of your cat, though.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vbactivist* 
why would you be nervous?

are there really people here who would have a problem with someone else asking their child to stop hurting a cat? What if the child was hurting _your child_? What if the child was hurting _you_? I really am interested in hearing from parents that don't want other adults speaking directly to their children. I actually prefer that people speak directly to my children, rather than acting like they're not capable of understanding. If the adult says something innapropriate, then I would step in, of course.

hi, i'm the OP. yes, there are definitely people who don't want you talking in any way other than positive to their children, *even if they are hurting your child.* i ran into one such mom at the pool last summer, who got miffed at me when i told her (older) son directly, "don't pull my daughter's leg" underwater. (she was 2 and would have been pulled under water by this child if not for me holding her up. the mom was right there and failing to get her child to let go). after i spoke to the child, he did let go, then the mom proceeded to tell me that it wasn't necessary for me to discipline her child, as she was right there.)

back to the point of my post though, we are going to have kids over for my daughter's birthday in a few weeks, and the cat is "around" in a general sense. she actually likes kids and puts up with a lot from them. but i sure don't want anybody hitting her across her back, as she is down to barely 4 pounds, brittle bones with arthritis, etc. she's otherwise still in good health, i don't want any abuse to bring her down, yk?

some good ideas on this thread, and it seems that most people agree that, like a situation involving a kid hurting your child (or you), i would have every right to speak up on behalf of my cat not being hurt.

i will admit that i do think i agree more with you that other adults can speak directly to my child, within reason, rather than deferring to the parent, ie: "would you please ask your son not to hit the cat?" and couching it in terms of only being concerned that the child would be hurt, ignores the fact that it does indeed hurt the cat, and even if young kids need to be monitored (they do!) they can be expected to start to learn that cats have feelings and should not be abused because it hurts the cat, right?


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vbactivist* 
why would you be nervous?

I have found it better to talk to the parent. Its probably the less then agreeable area I live in, but the parents are always waiting to start a fight.









If it was a close friends child I would have no problem saying, "oh no, don't hit the kitty! Pet the kitty nice, like this" but close friends seem to have similar parenting styles!


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vbactivist* 
why would you be nervous?

are there really people here who would have a problem with someone else asking their child to stop hurting a cat? What if the child was hurting _your child_? What if the child was hurting _you_? I really am interested in hearing from parents that don't want other adults speaking directly to their children. I actually prefer that people speak directly to my children, rather than acting like they're not capable of understanding. If the adult says something innapropriate, then I would step in, of course.

I'm also one of those people who would be nervous about saying negative things to another person's child.

I also wouldn't want another adult to say negative things to my child when I'm there to handle it.

The exception is when someone or something is in imminent physical danger; then "STOP!" or "LOOK OUT!" or swooping the child/animal out of harm's way is okay for safety reasons.

Its mainly because I don't believe the best way to teach a child is to focus on what they should not be doing. Instead, its better to focus in a positive way on what they should be doing instead. This is how I raise my child and this is how I believe other children learn best. My DD who is overly sensitive reacts to negative phrasing by shutting down and withdrawing. It cuts off the teaching moment as she is protecting herself from believing she's been bad, or something. Not really sure what goes on in her head around anything perceived as criticism.

However, I have a few close friends who also parent like we do, with the focus on teaching the child what to do instead. My friends and feel comfortable with any one of us stepping in to teach each other's child. I really appreciate parents who are kind and gentle in their approach.


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## vbactivist (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 

I also wouldn't want another adult to say negative things to my child when I'm there to handle it.

.


What if you're 'not' handling it though? What if your child is damaging another persons property or pet or whatever? I know that I personally have a much higher tolerance for my stuff getting 'ruined' by my kids - it's just stuff, you know? But i also know that other people don't always feel the same way. So what if your child starts ripping a page out of my childs book or something, and you 'don't' say anything? Should I not say anthing to your child? Should my child not say anything either?


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## candipooh (Jun 22, 2004)

It is not discipline to ask a child to not do something. Now saying "because you hit it the cat you are going to a time out" Or "you are done playing go sit by you momma" That is discipline isn't it?

I would just say something as I remove kitty from the situation "cat is old and grumpy so be careful around him"

It would make it a way bigger deal than it really is to say "please tell him not to hit the cat"

Just my opinion.

Off topic:
This bring back memories of a play date/family BBQ when my oldest was about 5. She is a wild child with some pretty big sensory issues. She was new at having friends. It was a big day and everyone was tired out. As we were gathering things to clean up dd pushed another child. (a lot younger than her, about 3 I would guess) As I am going over to intervene the dad of this little girl was disciplining my daughter. He was an AP gentle discipline type dad but it was still wrong. He was at eye level with my dd and had his arms on her arms (holding her in place) and kept saying "tell me why you did this, why did you do that? you have to tell me why you thought that was ok" It scared the crap out of my dd and made me so uncomfortable that I never went back to that play group.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vbactivist* 
What if you're 'not' handling it though? What if your child is damaging another persons property or pet or whatever? I know that I personally have a much higher tolerance for my stuff getting 'ruined' by my kids - it's just stuff, you know? But i also know that other people don't always feel the same way. So what if your child starts ripping a page out of my childs book or something, and you 'don't' say anything? Should I not say anthing to your child? Should my child not say anything either?

Its a hard one. Off the top of my head, I would say _of course_ if the parent isn't handling it, like the OP's example of how another child had grabbed her child in the pool, and its a safety issue, any adult should intervene as necessary to make sure everyone is safe.

I don't consider coaching your own child as to what to say to the other child as disciplining the other child (unless you are telling your child to tell the other child things that are hurtful, or name-calling).

But what I run into quite a bit in my neighborhood is a disagreement sometimes about what constitutes "handling it." Nearly everyone around here spanks. Sometimes parents feel that I didn't deal with DD properly because I didn't spank her. Sometimes they feel that I didn't deal with DD properly because I didn't tell her exactly why she was wrong or chastise her. They'll try to step in after I've already dealt with it and no one is in any danger to be sure DD is informed about what terrible behavior she has (which she doesn't, have, really; she's not aggressive or mean - the few things that have come up were them shaming her for not having a shirt on, for not being potty trained until 3.5, and for not wearing shoes on the road).


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *candipooh* 
It is not discipline to ask a child to not do something. Now saying "because you hit it the cat you are going to a time out" Or "you are done playing go sit by you momma" That is discipline isn't it?

That's also a gray area, I think. Its hard to know when you are taking over the role that rightfully belongs to the parent who is present. I've used the word "discipline" in my post to mean negative corrective action, and I shouldn't have, because "negative corrective action" is only a small part of the definition of discipline.

Anyway, in the examples you gave, I think of those as punishments. Discipline doesn't mean punishment - it means guidance. And even if you accept that by discipline you only mean punishment, and not the positive aspects of guidance, modeling, and teaching, then for some children, being told their behavior is wrong can be considered punishment. As a child, I cringed and cried in private when someone told me to Stop That - all they really needed to do was tell me what I should do instead. That would have been enough to change my behavior. My DD seems to be the same way. If someone tells her what she is doing is wrong, she will withdraw and cry silently, away from people. You may as well have given her a time-out. They're probably both equally painful to her.

I don't know how another person's child will react sometimes. I would prefer not to cause them bad feelings with my words. It seems safest, and most respectful to both the parent and the child, to frame things in a way that does not make an overt value judgement of the child's behavior.


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## Shera971 (Nov 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ElliesMomma* 

i am sensitive to that, but what would you do if a visiting child at your house took a swing at your 19 year old cat, who was just walking by, minding her own business. is it OK to state, on the spot, "please don't hit the kitty," instead of waiting for the parent to say that?


I think its totally ok to say something along those lines. If the pet liked children (as you said your kitty does) I would then show the child the gentle way to interact with animals.

I'm a pet owner myself and I don't think that I would wait to say anything to the child. I take my responsibiltiy as a pet owner very seriously and see that it is my job to protect people from my dog and vice versa. Some parents who don't have pets might not realize the implications of a young rambunctious toddler and an animal and I'm not going to wait for disaster to strike.


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## vbactivist (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
That's also a gray area, I think. Its hard to know when you are taking over the role that rightfully belongs to the parent who is present. I've used the word "discipline" in my post to mean negative corrective action, and I shouldn't have, because "negative corrective action" is only a small part of the definition of discipline.

Anyway, in the examples you gave, I think of those as punishments. Discipline doesn't mean punishment - it means guidance. And even if you accept that by discipline you only mean punishment, and not the positive aspects of guidance, modeling, and teaching, then for some children, being told their behavior is wrong can be considered punishment. As a child, I cringed and cried in private when someone told me to Stop That - all they really needed to do was tell me what I should do instead. That would have been enough to change my behavior. My DD seems to be the same way. If someone tells her what she is doing is wrong, she will withdraw and cry silently, away from people. You may as well have given her a time-out. They're probably both equally painful to her.

I don't know how another person's child will react sometimes. I would prefer not to cause them bad feelings with my words. It seems safest, and most respectful to both the parent and the child, to frame things in a way that does not make an overt value judgement of the child's behavior.

i have more thoughts on this but i wanted to ask - what if a behaviour _is_ wrong?

If your child spits in my childs face (and for the sake fo argument lets say unprovoked), that is wrong. I can't think of any person who would not agree it is wrong to spit at someone. Why shouldn't a child be told wrong behaviour is wrong?


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Isn't this where the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child" comes in?

I totally step in if a kid is doing something hurtful or harmful to my DD, another kid, or an animal and the offender's mom is unable or unwilling to say anything. With my cat, I make sure to talk DIRECTLY to DD's friends before they even touch her, and I say "you can pet her gently if you like, but even then she may bite you if she feels harassed." (My cat is generally very good with kids and her bites never break the skin, even tender toddler skin, and she doesn't scratch.) I don't bother going through the parents because I've found that kids are more likely to listen when it doesn't come from mom.







Also, I don't sugar-coat it or act like they're not capable of making a sensible decision. My cat isn't decrepit but she is 15 years old.

The only time I've ever had a negative reaction from another parent was when I asked a 6-year-old girl to please stop pushing the younger kids down the slide on the ferry. I only did this after DD complained. (DD was under 2 at the time.) This kid and her siblings had been vaulting over and generally being highly disrespectful of the smaller kids for some time (plus they were all over the age limit for the slide in the first place.) I didn't touch her or use a nasty tone of voice or anything, but I also didn't buy her "I was *helping* her down the slide" explanation. She ran off and her dad came back and started to tear a strip off me for daring to talk to his daughter. I told him what had happened but he was less interested in that than he was in telling me and my friend how our kids needed to toughen up etc. I was all "seriously??? She's TWO!!" It degenerated into a shouting match with him saying "That's your first kid isn't it? I can tell!" and me yelling "Well I hope that one's your LAST!" which, while satisfying, wasn't exactly setting a good example for DD.

But, unpleasant as that was, I couldn't help but think that maybe overhearing a stranger tell her dad that she hoped he had no more children MIGHT get something through the child's skull. And since then, I've never had anyone say anything to me for gently requesting that a child stop doing something that might harm or hurt someone else - they were just wackos.

I should also say that I would definitely welcome gentle correction for my DD from another parent if she were doing something that was causing strife for another kid. She doesn't, usually - she prefers to play on her own - but even if it's done in a way that doesn't match my parenting style exactly, short of physical contact (or with it, if need be for safety) I would have no objection. We're social creatures, and kids need to know not only their own parents' boundaries for behaviour, but others' as well.


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## vbactivist (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
Isn't this where the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child" comes in?

I totally step in if a kid is doing something hurtful or harmful to my DD, another kid, or an animal and the offender's mom is unable or unwilling to say anything. With my cat, I make sure to talk DIRECTLY to DD's friends before they even touch her, and I say "you can pet her gently if you like, but even then she may bite you if she feels harassed." (My cat is generally very good with kids and her bites never break the skin, even tender toddler skin, and she doesn't scratch.) I don't bother going through the parents because I've found that kids are more likely to listen when it doesn't come from mom.







Also, I don't sugar-coat it or act like they're not capable of making a sensible decision. My cat isn't decrepit but she is 15 years old.

The only time I've ever had a negative reaction from another parent was when I asked a 6-year-old girl to please stop pushing the younger kids down the slide on the ferry. I only did this after DD complained. (DD was under 2 at the time.) This kid and her siblings had been vaulting over and generally being highly disrespectful of the smaller kids for some time (plus they were all over the age limit for the slide in the first place.) I didn't touch her or use a nasty tone of voice or anything, but I also didn't buy her "I was *helping* her down the slide" explanation. She ran off and her dad came back and started to tear a strip off me for daring to talk to his daughter. I told him what had happened but he was less interested in that than he was in telling me and my friend how our kids needed to toughen up etc. I was all "seriously??? She's TWO!!" It degenerated into a shouting match with him saying "That's your first kid isn't it? I can tell!" and me yelling "Well I hope that one's your LAST!" which, while satisfying, wasn't exactly setting a good example for DD.

But, unpleasant as that was, I couldn't help but think that maybe overhearing a stranger tell her dad that she hoped he had no more children MIGHT get something through the child's skull. And since then, I've never had anyone say anything to me for gently requesting that a child stop doing something that might harm or hurt someone else - they were just wackos.

I should also say that I would definitely welcome gentle correction for my DD from another parent if she were doing something that was causing strife for another kid. She doesn't, usually - she prefers to play on her own - but even if it's done in a way that doesn't match my parenting style exactly, short of physical contact (or with it, if need be for safety) I would have no objection. We're social creatures, and kids need to know not only their own parents' boundaries for behaviour, but others' as well.

very well said.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I don't have a cat, but I do have a dog who is both small and getting on in years. I'm surprised by just how many kids of all ages think it's cool to scare or take a kick at the dog if they think no one is looking. I have no problem saying, 'HEY! Don't kick/harass the dog' in a loud voice to make sure both the child and parent hear me. With a younger child who is just paying too rough, I would soften it a lot because I don't want to scare anyone but if a child has malicious intent, I'm not going to soften it or suggest other ways they could play nicely with the dog when what I want is for them to stop and leave the dog alone. And yes, I'd remove the dog from the situation.

I feel the same when it comes to children who are being too rough with my daughter or being careless/destructive with my things. If a parent has an issue with my quick intervention, we will probably not make good friends anyway and I consider that more their problem than mine.

For the most part, I just speak to children (in my home, or when they're interacting with my daughter/pet) as I would an adult - if something was an accident or due to lack of information, fine. These things happen and the way we avoid them is by talking. If something was deliberate, I don't mind telling them to stop. I think it's also better to deal with these things quickly and move on. I don't see how lecturing and long explanations will do anything but embarass the child so it's one quick statement and on to the next thing.

I don't feel like I can wait for a parent to decide to say something in a situation with a pet. Some kid takes a swing at/corners your pet and the pet nips or scratches, even if it's never done so before, and the next think you know, the parent is posting someplace like here and everyone plants the PUT THAT CAT/DOG DOWN IT IS DANGEROUS seed and you've got a big problem even if the child was tormenting your pet.


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## kathrineg (Jan 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ElliesMomma* 
...couching it in terms of only being concerned that the child would be hurt, ignores the fact that it does indeed hurt the cat, and even if young kids need to be monitored (they do!) they can be expected to start to learn that cats have feelings and should not be abused because it hurts the cat, right?

I think that this is where you can get into the murky territory where people get defensive of their kids. Of course you can say that they could hurt the cat but it's not really a teaching moment for you.

I would keep the cat separate from the kids in the first place if even a rough toddler "hug" could injure her, but if you don't do that, I would keep a very close eye on everyone and separate them if necessary, saying "we don't want anyone to get hurt, you OR the cat"


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## To-Fu (May 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Porcelain Interior* 
I think if the mom was right there I'd say "Oh you should probably tell him not to mess with the kitty- she's old and grouchy and I wouldn't want him to get bit or scratched."

If the mom wasn't right there I'd just get down on my knees and tell the child exactly that.

I don't think that's discipline, it's just common sense safety.

If the child was just interested in the cat I'd also maybe help him/her pet the cat, unless the cat truly didn't like little kids.

This is also what I'd do.


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## Susan600 (Apr 2, 2009)

I would absolutely say something, if children don't learn when they are doing things wrong then they will continue to do so, what I would do though is make sure the child understands why they shouldn't do what they are doing and show them how to do it better or not at all.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

It's fine to say "don't hit the kitty". It is also fine to put the cat away somewhere when these kids visit if their parent won't help you.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
Here's what I'd do anyway. I'd scoop kitty up and remove her, and say, "We have to be careful with kitty. She's old and could get hurt easily." Somehow saying "we" makes it go over better.

I would do this the first time, the second time I would say don't hit the cat first and then repeat the reasoning behind it.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Susan600* 
I would absolutely say something, if children don't learn when they are doing things wrong then they will continue to do so, what I would do though is make sure the child understands why they shouldn't do what they are doing and show them how to do it better or not at all.










I don't think anyone is advocating not saying anything, or not intervening.

I think the question boils down to: Do you have the right and responsibility to teach another person's child values, or should your intervention be limited to making sure everyone is safe and treated respectfully, using only non-punitive techniques and avoiding pressing your personal values on that child?

I would argue your right and responsbility to intervene stops with the minimum needed to ensure safety, unless that other parent has indicated they agree with your parenting style and are fine with you parenting their child.

Others would argue that it takes a village to raise a child, and that therefore any child should expect to experience a variety of disciplinary styles and values, and the parent of the child should accept that this is how it is, as well, and not claim any "special" rights to parent that child just because the child "belongs" to that parent.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I would be fine with you telling my child "Don't hit my cat."


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
I would be fine with you telling my child "Don't hit my cat."

Can I ask why? What if you were not in the room?


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## candipooh (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
I would be fine with you telling my child "Don't hit my cat."


I have actually had my sister-in-law tell me kids to be nice to the cat because he is old. And I was in the room too. I didn't mind either.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PuppyFluffer* 
Can I ask why? What if you were not in the room?

Why would I be fine with it? Um, because it's her cat and she should be able to say "Don't hit my cat."

Did you think I meant that I was not ok with it?


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

I'm fine with my child being addressed even if I'm right there I'm not fine with them adding "punishments" or imposing conquences on MY child thats my job. So I request to stop hitting kitty/gentle hands wouldn't bother me, if you'd said stop hitting kitty or I'll have to take away the present I got you not okay. You having to remove kitty though appropiate.
Deanna


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Why would I be fine with it? Um, because it's her cat and she should be able to say "Don't hit my cat."

Did you think I meant that I was not ok with it?

Me thinks I should read more clearly! Yes, I thought you said you would NOT be fine with her telling your child that. I need more sleep.


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## sunflowergirll (Feb 24, 2009)

As a pet owner, I have a responsibility to keep my cats safe too.

As a pet owner, I have a responsibility to keep kids who are around my cats safe.

I would say something, as gently as I could.


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