# do people kidnap babies?



## Anna's Lovey (Dec 24, 2008)

Am I crazy for not wanting my MIL to walk alone in a semi-bad neighborhood with our one year old daughter in a strollar? My husband thinks so.
Please tell me if I'm being really paranoid or not


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

maybe if you have a bad feeling about it, there's a reason. on the other hand, first time moms do tend to be paranoid.

however, outside of "kidnapping," other bad things can happen. like your MIL could be mugged, etc. (or worse).

does she routinely walk alone in this neighborhood? is this where she lives? is she watching your child at her home, and that's why she'd be walking him/her in a stroller there?


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

How bad is semi-bad? What time of day are we talking about? How populated is it? I assume your MIL is a competant caregiver? Are they on their way someplace, or just wandering around?

I would think that the risk of a complete stranger pushing your MIL out of the way and stealing your baby would be pretty low. Yes, people do kidnap babies, but stranger abductions are really, really rare.

I am not saying it would be totally safe though, but you will need to evaluate that based on what "semi-bad" really means. Trust your instincts.


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## fireweed (Nov 27, 2007)

I live in a 'semi-bad neighborhood', and I wouldn't be concerned about a kidnapping here. Perhaps, maybe, if your mom looked like an easy target, a mugging, but in my neighborhood a grandma and infant would be unlikely targets for that as well.
I do know where you're coming from though- when my mom takes my LO out for a walk here, I get really antsy if they're out longer than anticipated, but I don't worry when it's in my parents neighborhood which is a lot nicer.


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## ckberkey (Jan 7, 2006)

If your gut says it isn't safe, then it isn't. I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation, either.


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Do people kidnap babies? Short answer, yes... longer answer, people get hit by lightning too.

Most kidnappings are by someone in the family or well-known to the child. Stranger abduction is really, really rare. For babies, even rarer (3 years old is usually the bottom end of the age range that sexual predators look for... usually, I said; don't need to go posting your corner cases and exceptions).

But yes, instincts are good. Your brain may be overlaying the abduction scenario to rationalize a warning that you're not able to articulate to your husband or MIL without feeling... silly, or rude, or something. You can just say "I'm not comfortable with it" and, if they respect that you are The Momma, they should let it be.


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## sharon.gmc (Nov 17, 2008)

Thank you for posting this.







:


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

Even if the kidnapping isn't the issue, what about other things that happen on a regular basis in bad neighborhoods - like muggings, etc. Granted that doesnt directly affect your child, if your MIL is mugged, but is that a situation you want your kid and MIL in? No. I would go with your gut.


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## maryeliz (Oct 27, 2005)

You are the person who ultimately needs to decide what is safe for your kids, but in my opinion you are being paranoid. I'm presuming that your MIL is choosing to walk your baby in this neighborhood because it is the one that she lives in? If that's the case, then MIL probably knows what is safe and what is not safe. I have lived in some neighborhoods with drug dealing and related violence and I found that neighbors were very protective of older people and young kids, and in fact much more likely to look out for/act on behalf of others than people tend to be in middle-class suburban neighborhoods.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Anna's Lovey* 
Am I crazy for not wanting my MIL to walk alone in a semi-bad neighborhood with our one year old daughter in a strollar? My husband thinks so.
Please tell me if I'm being really paranoid or not

Your husband is right. The chances of someone kidnapping your baby are lower than your baby getting hit by lightening, no matter what the neighborhood.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Any child under 16 is 50 times more likely to have a heart attack than to be abducted by a stranger.

You are not crazy to worry about your baby, you are a mama. It is not mandatory to let someone else care for them if you are happier caring for them youself! If you worry about your baby going out with MIL then do not send her out with MIL.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
Do people kidnap babies? Short answer, yes... longer answer, people get hit by lightning too.

Most kidnappings are by someone in the family or well-known to the child. Stranger abduction is really, really rare. For babies, even rarer (3 years old is usually the bottom end of the age range that sexual predators look for... usually, I said; don't need to go posting your corner cases and exceptions).

But yes, instincts are good. Your brain may be overlaying the abduction scenario to rationalize a warning that you're not able to articulate to your husband or MIL without feeling... silly, or rude, or something. You can just say "I'm not comfortable with it" and, if they respect that you are The Momma, they should let it be.









:

i've gotten _much_ better, but i seriously used to worry about cougars when walking my daughter in a wooded area in my suburban neighborhood.








statistically, though, a cougar attack was more likely than a stranger abduction.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Some questions that might help you figure out where your concerns lie:
Would you worry about your MIL walking alone?
Would you worry about your MIL taking your dd for a drive?


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Someone told me (based on statistics) that people worry about their children getting abducted, being hit by a car, etc. but what they should REALLY worry about is being in a car accident-- that driving your child in a car is more dangerous than most things we worry about.


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## Labyrinth (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mizelenius* 
Someone told me (based on statistics) that people worry about their children getting abducted, being hit by a car, etc. but what they should REALLY worry about is being in a car accident-- that driving your child in a car is more dangerous than most things we worry about.









:

I live in a semi-bad neighborhood. My biggest concern is car accidents when walking with the kids (not many sidewalks, so we walk on the shoulder of the road, where there are sidewalks it's a heavy traffic area so I'm almost more scared in that situation).

After that, my concerns are violent crimes like gunfire, muggings, violence, etc. Oh, me having a health crisis with two babies- like if I was to have a severe allergic reaction, asthma attack, pass out, etc, the kids would probably wander into traffic or something (you know, my fear of car accidents?







). Kidnapping is somewhere near the bottom of the list.

It's not a crazy fear though! Especially in our society, where kidnapping is overhyped and real threats underplayed.

Take care, ok?


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## LuckyMommaToo (Aug 14, 2003)

Read Protecting the Gift. Seriously, it will help you gauge better what's a real risk and what's just unfounded nervousness.
-e


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

all I have to say about that is this: what do people do who live there and have kids? Not saying that you are paranoid necessarily if you are not used to that type of environment, but I grew up in low income housing included some drug infested neighborhoods and I clearly remember my mom taking me to the park on a daily basis. I just knew that I was not to talk to any big kids/teenagers, ever, for my own proterction. That was her rule. I fared OK.

So while there may be risk, I think a little bit of risk is a part of life. You can't completely avoid it, but you can prepare yourself and know how to handle yourself to lessen the risk. I live in a motel right now and we still play outsde and take walks every day....I'm just extra vigilant and when the drug dealers come out I take ds in. It sucks but I refuse to be cooped up inside a room all day or all night because other people don't have thier heads on straight.


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

i've thought about this too. but then i was like..wait a second, "bad" neighborhoods are stock full of kids. one i lived in for a while had a TON of kids, and the younger ones even played outside in their front yards or in the complex playground unsupervised. and i never heard of anybody being kidnapped.

as long as it's not at night i wouldn't be worried about it. if it's full of gang violence i would worry about that, but it would have to be really bad for that to be going on.


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## Serenyd (Jan 6, 2008)

Is it possible you could talk to an officer/dispatcher from your local police department? I think they would have the best idea if it is okay for your MIL to stroll your daughter there.


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## purplemoon (Sep 24, 2008)

I wouldn't worry at all about a baby being kidnapped from a stroller in a bad neighborhood. A) because it is rare B) because socio-economic factors are hardly at play.

However, like PP's said, I would worry about "other" things that can happen in a bad neighborhood. Like mugging, drive-by's, etc.

I will say that I have walked my children in bad areas (I worked at a place that took care of the economically challenged children and my daycare was there) and people, across the board, are generally sweet to babies. Even the crack-heads. They were almost my sheild if you will. Nobody seemed to want to hurt a mom and her babe.

That isn't to say it is safer for her with your baby, just that people are pretty respectful of children no matter how hurting/disruptive/messed up they are inside.

BUT, if your gut says no then listen. In time you may feel differently but right now you don't. So listen.


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## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ckberkey* 
If your gut says it isn't safe, then it isn't. I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation, either.

I agree.


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## Elizabeth2008 (Nov 26, 2008)

if it's really a bad neighborhood i would be more worried about my MIL getting mugged. Strangers rarely kidnap babies (not to say it doesn't happen). If it's a well populated area during the daytime, I probably wouldn't worry. How bad is "semi-bad"? Are there gangs, drugs, drive-by shootings? I used to live in Washington, DC which people consider "semi-bad" and I would walk my baby there all the time as long as it wasn't late at night or on desolate streets...


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

It happened a couple of years ago in the small city I was living in (Scranton, PA) in a moderately bad neighborhood. The baby was recovered, fortunately.

Sure it's rare, but why do it if it's not necessary? What is your MIL going to get out of walking your baby in a stroller? Wouldn't that time be better spent playing with her, maybe in a yard or in the park? Or, I guess I should ask, what is your baby going to get out of being walked in a stroller?


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LuckyMommaToo* 
Read Protecting the Gift. Seriously, it will help you gauge better what's a real risk and what's just unfounded nervousness.
-e

Yes read this book.

I would be concerned for on the loose pitbulls ... that kind of thing.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Honestly? If I was going to kidnap a kid, I'd probably hit up a rich neighborhood - a family who could afford to pay a ransom. (Is it creepy that I just sat here and thought about it? LOL)

Anyhow, I don't think that specific senario is something you should really worry about - but you might have other concerns about your MIL that need to be addressed.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Statistically, children are MUCH MUCH more likely to be abducted by a relative or close friend--stranger abductions are extremely rare. Your child is also MUCH more likely to be harmed in a car (for example).

Enjoy the evenings out--we do wonders for our children by not passing on our fears to them.


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
Honestly? If I was going to kidnap a kid, I'd probably hit up a rich neighborhood - a family who could afford to pay a ransom. (Is it creepy that I just sat here and thought about it? LOL).

I actually thought about it too, and didn't bother to post ;-) but now that you've broken the ice... if one was trying to kidnap a baby because they wanted a child of their own, they'd probably hit a solidly middle-class or slightly affluent neighborhood, because the kid would likely be healthier... but not a rich neighborhood, because then the family would have a lot of resources to expend on getting their child back.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

If someone were going to kidnap a baby, he/she would go someplace where there are often or always a lot of babies. Like a hospital or daycare. Not some random street. There are very few baby kidnappers and the chance of randomly coming across one while on a walk is so slim it's almost nonexistent.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I'm an anxious person, so I create lots of scenarios in my head so I can think of how I would respond, and I think it's perfectly normal for mothers to worry about their children like this. It's the whole heart walking around outside your body thing. You can't control it, even though you desperately hope you can.

I've taken walks with my own children as babies, and had worries, in the fairly wealthy planned communities in which I've lived. Concerns were fast drivers--most of the really speed limit violating drivers in our neighborhoods were teens, who generally have less experience with driving conditions, so it worried me that they would lose control or not be able to stop and would run off the sidewalk or something.

Dogs. You never know what's going to happen. I've encountered aggressive dogs while out with my children.

Baseball games. I'd walk around a community park that had various kinds of ball players there. I worried about a totally fluke but deadly beaning. When I carried her in the sling, I'd put my hands over her head as we passed by.

Golf balls. I've walked by golf courses and saw balls on the outside of the driving range, so I'd keep an eye open as we walked. Also when I lived in a house on a golf course, our house routinely got hit with balls.

Children/teens in groups. I think I have a fear of groups when I'm not sure what the underlying organization of the group is. You just never know what one person will dare another to do, and sometimes children would yell things at me and I guess that was too much like stuff that happened to me as a child. Or they might be doing something risky, like grinding down the stair railing on their skate boards while I'm walking by with my stroller.

I worry about stray bullets or bb guns, especially when I see BBs out on the sidewalk, but in general this is not a big concern. Not that a BB would be deadly, but it would sting me, and it might shoot my eye out!

Now worrying about these things and letting it affect my behavior too radically are two different things. I'd probably be OK with my MIL walking my child around in a not so great neighborhood, depending on the variables. One time I was in a little cafe type place with my sister, and I let my 3 year old go sit at a table while I ordered. It was a very small restaurant, the table was at the back, and I was about 10 feet away at the counter. There were no doors in the back. My sister was astounded and started lecturing me about my child being kidnapped. I said, "OK, so what you are saying is that someone is going to come into the restaurant, walk past me, grab my child, run past me again, pushing me out of the way to get back to the front door?" My sister said, "Well, YES!" ROFL. Honestly, if someone wants to do that, they'd grab her right out of my arms.


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