# Help - 15 month old used to sleep alone but now needs to co-sleep



## 2'sEnuf (Dec 14, 2006)

hi, i dont know what to do...

A little background:
my son has always slept in his crib and wakes up 1-2 times to nurse then goes back to sleep. when he is teething or sick he will wake more often, and sometimes we bring him to bed with us then put him back in his crib once hes asleep. lately he has been waking more - probably teething, and im exhausted!

ive been thinking that it may be time to begin weaning him - also we plan on having another child and i dont want to be nursing while pregnant.

his pediatrician and many moms say the only way is to let him cry - but my husband and i cant to it! so i thought if i could night wean it would solve the sleep issue and daytime weaning should be easier later

i think i made a huge mistake -
last saturday i sent my husband in with a bottle. we did it for three nights, the first was a little rough, he wouldnt take the bottle and wouldnt go back to his crib, the second he slept 10 hours straight - WOW!, the third night he was back to his normal waking around 3:30 am. he accepted the bottle but still refused to go back to bed in his crib and again had to sleep with me.
i was feeling very guilty about weaning and after doing some reading i realized that i was probably trying to wean him it too fast. so the last two nights i nursed him to sleep and he has woken up at 11:00pm , then 1am not wanting to nurse but to be held and i tried to put him in his crib and he wakes up, stands up and reaches for me. i think his teeth are really bothering him because he was tossing and turning (its very hard for me to sleep with him in the bed anyway). by 5 am he wanted to nurse and then was sleeping so well i tried to put him back in bed - he woke up in route - he was never such a light sleeper.

the other dilemma is that ive been warned by a few people that replacing my breast with a bottle will get him attached to a bottle so i will have to go through it all over again to get him weaned from the bottle, but getting him to take milk in a sippy cup is torture.

Is this change in his behavior and need for constant comfort because i messed with his routine, or is it because he's teething, or is this what they call the attachment phase, or is it all of the above???

i dont know what to do... i want to give my son what he needs but if i dont get some consistent sleep i may lose my mind!

and what about the bottle??
its the only way for someone else to care for him

i know its going to be hard, but what is the best route to cause the least amount of pain during this process?

thanks for listening!


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

s 15 months is a really hard age. Separation anxiety is pretty bad at that age, and it doesn't go away at bedtime. And their first molars and their canines start to come in, which can be incredibly painful for them. It can take months for them to come in all the way--my DD was in pain for nearly 3 months. Once they came in, she slept so much better.

I'd say try to hang on and help him get through these tough few months. By 18 months, he'll be able to communicate with you better (e.g. letting you know if he's hungry or needs a drink of water at night), and he'll be able to understand better that mama needs to get some sleep too.

Oh, and welcome to MDC!!


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

What do you put in the bottle, milk, fomula or water?

I ask because having a bottle of milk or formula in the night is NOT like breastfeeding in the night. Breastfeeding is often for comfort and the milk comes out in much less volume over a longer period of time. If you give your toddler a bottle in the night, it is like giving him a 3-course meal. This is not a good eating or sleeping habit.

If you really want to nightwean your son, I would offer him some water, in a bottle or in a cup, but definitely not milk or formula in a bottle in the night. He will cry a lot at first (and you should be there to comfort him if and when he does, not just leave him in his bed) but again, bottles in the night are a nefarious thing and it will be MUCH harder to wean him from that than from the breast as he eventually will be getting real HUNGER pangs from lack of the bottle.

Once you have ditched the bottle the sleep issue should go away. Well, at least until 5AM or so.


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

i dont know what to do... *i want to give my son what he needs* but if i dont get some consistent sleep i may lose my mind!

Quote:

15 month old used to sleep alone but now needs to co-sleep
Did you answer you own question







?

He needs you---your presence. Your challenge is to find ways for YOU to get sleep as well. Most mothers in here will tell you that co-sleeping provides them with MUCH more sleep than getting up and down all through the night. Do you have the ability to nap when he naps during the day? Do you have anyone who can watch him for an hour or so, so that you can sneak in some sleep?

I am all about doing what is best for the child at the present time at that particular moment than worrying about a potential, yet-to-be conceived child or what-ifs down the road. I do understand the family needs and wanting another child, don't get me wrong







In the family bed forum, I'm going to point out that weaning isn't a cure-all because he's still going to need you, your presence, perhaps even more so---except once you've weaned, you don't have that simple way to comfort him anymore.

I don't ever recommend weaning as any type of solution to a short-term issue (lack of sleep--though I know it's hard--but it won't always be like this) especially when he's going through an obviously tough time. And the ONLY way I'd ever even consider weaning is verrry gradually! Otherwise, it's traumatic for all involved.

Best wishes...and I hope you find the answers you're looking for. Oh, and welcome to MDC


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Nurse him and put him in your bed. He's far too young to wean.

-Angela


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Was that the Readers' Digest version of my post?


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

I agree with the PP. I weaned my first child at about a year due to a lot of stress in my life and i'll always regret it. I didn't realize since he was the first what a baby he still was. It cause a lot more problems than it solved for me. I think the best thing to do is go back to breastfeeding on demand. With separation anxiety, teething, and a new sense of self developing weaning (even just or especially at night) is probably too much stress for him right now.

Laura


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## donutmolly (Jun 9, 2005)

I want to second the PP who said 15 months is a hard age!!! I thought I would never sleep again! My baby is also really bothered by teething -- as soon as her molars came in, she was back to her do-able sleeping patterns. Do what you can to get some rest! Yes, it's really, really tough... but my DD is 19 months now, part-time crib/co-sleeping and I am getting a lot more sleep. Did I do anything to help fix her sleeping? No, not really. She just doesn't hurt anymore. Nursing is a huge parenting tool -- don't make it harder for yourself... a little booby really is the cure all!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia* 
Was that the Readers' Digest version of my post?









Yep! For moms in a hurry!







:

Crossposted at the same time- great minds!

-Angela


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## 2'sEnuf (Dec 14, 2006)

thanks for your replies, i agree with you all!
it helps just to have you say "15 mo. is a hard age"
and i know that the best thing is to continue nursing and comforting him in whatever way he needs - i think i just needed to hear it because ive been so frustrated by this phase!
the transition from sweet happy baby to little devil was so quick







:
and this time the teething is worse and mixed with the attachment issue, its really taking a lot out of me. and if all that isnt enough... this week he developed a temper - where did that come from?

cmlp - i put breast milk or almond milk in the bottle - but i wont do that anymore at night
- is using a bottle with a babysitter also a bad idea?

im glad i finally joined - its nice to have women to talk to who understand and can advise


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## MamasBoys (Dec 29, 2005)

The replies here have been helpful to me! My son is 14 months old. We have always co-slept with our other children, but as soon as DS was a few months old, he could NOT sleep in our bed. He has always slept much better in his own bed in his own room where it's nice and quiet and peaceful. However, lately he has started waking up and won't go back to sleep until I bring him in bed with us. He's super restless all night long but will ONLY stay asleep in between us. I have noticed that he has started in with a bit of separation anxiety during the day, so it's nice to be assured that this is probably what it is.


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## RockStarMom (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Nurse him and put him in your bed. He's far too young to wean.

-Angela

Ditto. I have a 14 month old and I know how hard it can be! But continuing to nurse and cosleep is the best thing you can do for him(and you).


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## mimiharshe (Oct 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamasBoys* 
The replies here have been helpful to me! My son is 14 months old. We have always co-slept with our other children, but as soon as DS was a few months old, he could NOT sleep in our bed. He has always slept much better in his own bed in his own room where it's nice and quiet and peaceful. However, lately he has started waking up and won't go back to sleep until I bring him in bed with us. He's super restless all night long but will ONLY stay asleep in between us. I have noticed that he has started in with a bit of separation anxiety during the day, so it's nice to be assured that this is probably what it is.

I hear ya! My ds is 18 months and he could NOT sleep w/us either. He was in a playpen in our room, then at a year we moved it in w/ his sister. Our problem is now he can get out of it and I can't get them to lay down at night and go to sleep together. We all have to remember that everything w/our children goes in phases. They just catch us off gaurd sometimes!







I give my children bottles w/water (won't take sippies) and agree that if you can avoid it...do! My 3 year old will NOT give it up!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

"temper" is usually just frustration with knowing what he wants and not having the skills to communicate clearly yet. have you tried sign language with him? fifteen months is _quite_ challenging...hang in---it sounds like you're a very responsive and loving mama. i always recommend putting self-care as a priority, too. mama has needs, too.

how were things over the weekend?


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## mimiharshe (Oct 16, 2006)

i second the sign language idea. it was the only way my daughter could really communicate w/my until about 18 months old! it was a life saver!


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## Shell_Ell (Jun 13, 2005)

Just comiserating here... my son has gone back to needing to sleep with us recently (he's also 15 mo) I've found this age to be the most challenging yet, and I'm pregnant to boot. We're all tired in this house. LOL! I say don't worry about what patterns you are creating, just do what you need to do for everyone to get sleep.


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:

cmlp - i put breast milk or almond milk in the bottle - but i wont do that anymore at night
- is using a bottle with a babysitter also a bad idea?
Breastmilk in a bottle is fine during the day or even in the evening before bed. But because milk in a bottle is consumed in greater volumes and at much greater speed than milk directly from the breast, when you give a child a bottle of milk during the night, you are essentially feeding him a meal rather than comforting him back to sleep. It's a habit you do not want to start.


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## 2'sEnuf (Dec 14, 2006)

things are better simply because ive accepted the new situation - its still hard to sleep (hes a tosser) but i always feel better when my ds is happy








my dh loves to see our ds sleeping there and he is so supportive with whatever i do







:

i have been teaching ds sign - he uses 8 signs and understands a few more - its sooo cute!

i think the temper may be he just doesnt like to be told 'no' and it seems he is much less patient than he used to be. i suspect it will only get worse

shell_ell =







: - cant imagine being pregnant now - take care









we are planning our second baby for next year - fiugred 2 1/2 to 3 yrs apart is good??? though we cant imagine two at once







:


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## 2'sEnuf (Dec 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmlp* 
Breastmilk in a bottle is fine during the day or even in the evening before bed. l

what do you think of almond milk? it helps to have an alternative.
i dont believe in cows milk, he wont take goat milk, and rice milk has so much sugar.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

At only 15 months I wouldn't be giving other milks. Especially in bottles. That will encourage premature weaning.

-Angela


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *taeosmama* 
what do you think of almond milk? it helps to have an alternative.
i dont believe in cows milk, he wont take goat milk, and rice milk has so much sugar.

Anything other than water in a bottle is a bad idea during the night, as it creates a habit of consuming a large number of calories within a short period of time, usually 10 minutes or less.

Also, milk of any kind has sugar in it (glucose) even if the sugar has not been added. Consumption of any milk in a bottle at night has been link to dental caries in young children, as the milk remains coated on the child's teeth (note that this is less likely with children who suckle from a breast, because the milk actually goes more to the back of the mouth than with a bottle).


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