# Let's share our co-sleeping stories!



## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

I was recently talking to another member about co-sleeping. She doesn't co-sleep and doesn't know much about it. She has read all the literature, but she wonders how it translates over into real life. Also, she has questions about transitioning kids into their own beds/rooms and also questions about how couples maintain intimacy.

So, lets tell her our situations.

As for me, I currently co-sleep with my ds1 (he'll be 3 in 10 days) and my ds2 who is 7.5 months. We sleep on a king and queen size mattress on the floor. Both kids have never slept anywhere but the family bed. We are planning a third child to be born when ds2 is around age 2.5. Ds1 would be 5 by that time. If he hasn't asked to be in his own room by then, I will gently start moving him in that direction. Because both boys are restless sleepers, I couldn't imagine sleeping with both of them and a newborn.

As far as intimacy goes, who has time for that....lol! No, really, we have more than one bedroom and we use our 'real' master bedroom for that after the kids are asleep. We've also used the couch, the floor, and other places







.

For me, co-sleeping has been a blessing. Both of my kids are restless sleepers and wake frequently at night. I couldn't imagine having to get up to settle them every time they awoke. It's nice just to pat their back or nurse them and then drift right back to sleep. And of couse, I love hearing them breathe at night. I just couldn't imagine not having them with me.

So that's my story, or part of it anyway.

What's yours?

eta: I thought I might add what our actual sleeping arangement is. Like I said we have a king and queen mattress on the floor. One side is against a wall. Baby is next to the wall and then me. We are on the king. Then ds1 and dh (when he sleeps with us) is on the queen.


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## Bearsmama (Aug 10, 2002)

Great thread, TLO!









Here's mine:

When I was pregnant with DS #1, I knew of the benefits of co-sleeping. We have good friends who co-slept with both of their children, so it was not a foreign concept for us. I knew I wanted him to be close to me at night. We purchased a co-sleeper, thinking he would happily sleep there-within inches of me. WRONG! DS wanted NOTHING to do with the co-sleeper. So, from day one, DS slept right smack dab in the middle of the bed, with DH and I on either side. This was the ONLY place he would ever sleep (besides on me for naps during the day). And, b/c DS#1 was basically a non-sleeper for all of his babyhood, this was the only way I could even get an 1-2 hours straight. Obviously, this was the best way for us to nurse, too.

So, I never intended for us to have a family bed. It was just the only place we all found any peace at night. We had a crib which was never, ever used with DS#1.

When I was pregnant with DS#2, I just knew that he would sleep with us. There was no worrying about where or how he would sleep. And luckily, he's a pretty solid sleeper at night-even at this tender age (I feel SOOOO lucky about this). We actually never dismantled DS#1's crib. So, during the day, DS#2 is very happy to take naps in it. This BLOWS ME AWAY! To think that I gave birth to a child who likes to have some sleeping time out of my arms is just amazing. At night, the baby gets tucked in under my right arm, while my bigger boy is between DH and me. BTW, we have a queen bed. And I have a 6 foot 3 inch DH. And I'm currently trying to shed a lot of baby weight. So, yes, it's crowded.

Co-sleeping has not been w/out it's challenges. We've had many. With a frequent waker (my older boy) it's been rough. It's usually great now, but I've had many moments over the past 3 years that I've wanted him out of my bed (we do have a twin bed in his official bedroom that we refer to as his special bed-which he has never slept in!). The bottom line is that we never intended this, it's just been what's gotten us all through. And mostly unscathed. There's nothing better for me that slipping into a warm bed with my whole family surrounding me. Especially when I've had some trying times with my 3 yo since the baby's been born. It's a place where we can all connect, even if we've had a "disconnected" kind of day.

And sex? Well, yes, it's made an impact on our love life. I'm not going to say it hasn't. And yes, there are other rooms and other beds. But sometimes I DO miss my DH. Yes, we can have sex other places. But I do sometimes miss the intimacy of snuggling together, just the two of us.
And YES, I still feel that this is the right thing for our family...









Probably WAY TMI!


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

When I was pg with Abi I had no clue what I wanted to do. Except we didn't have much money so I bought a pack and play instead of a crib. She slept in that for awhile, but had reflux and ended up sleeping in her carseat instead. The carseat was placed in the bassinet of the pack and play, which was placed next to our bed.

When I was trying to nurse without success it was suggested that I sleep next to her skin to skin, so that's what started cosleeping. I'm still trying to get her out of our bed, at age 4. :LOL Honestly if she didn't kick in her sleep I would enjoy her being in our bed still.

With Nitara I wanted my options open because Abi is a terrible sleeper. The first year was awesome, wonderful, but then she started kicking and dh and I got sleep deprived. She's still a poor sleeper and rarely sleeps through the night. We moved her to her own room at age 2.5 but she mostly just falls asleep there and then comes to our room in the middle of the night.

Anyway so with Nitara I got a cosleeper and that worked great until our waterbed broke and we got rid of the frame. Our bed is on the floor so what good is a cosleeper? After she was dx with reflux we bought a crib so we could elevate the mattress. She used to start off in the crib, and then come to bed with us. Now she pretty much prefers her crib unless she's sick.

This coming week we are getting the flooring in our home replaced. So we have our bed on the floor, Abi's bed at the foot of our bed, and Nitara's crib all crammed into our bedroom. Gives a new meaning to family *bed*room!

Darshani


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## Childishgoth (Aug 26, 2004)

Question? where exactly does your child sleep when you co sleep? my mil almost freeked out when she saw me sleeping with my 4m old because he sleeps RIGHT next to me. I mean we nurse almost all night so we both just kind of sleep like that.
it didnt seem strange to me or my husband. im not a roller or a kicker, im a very "calm" sleeper, and also a very very light sleeper. (we use to share our bed with a 2 1/2 lb dog and i would wake up at her every squeek)
anyways, my mil said she always thought we had a place for the baby in the middle of the bed away from us.

just made me wonder.. where does everyone elses baby sleep?


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

Good, childishgoth, I'm glad you asked a question! That's what I wanted this thread to be about. I wanted people to share stories and others to chime in with questions.

My ds1 was such an active sleeper (and still is!!!) that he was ALL over the bed from the minute he was able to roll over.

My ds2 OTOH, sleeps right at breast level and always has. He nurses, mostly while I'm asleep, and then unlatches and goes back to sleep right there. I'm just careful not to pull the blanket up too high. Some people I know nurse the baby and then scoot them up to the top of the bed, but I'm asleep by that point in the game.


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## dharmama (Dec 29, 2002)

We've been co-sleeping with our 6.5 mo dd since day one (co-slept in the hospital). We got a hand me down co-sleeper that she really never slept in. Felt too far away when she was so teeny-tiny. Also had a snuggle nest that she was in for all of ten minutes.

DH was a little bit hesitent about it...was very nervous about rolling on her...but I actually think he is more aware of her then I am some nights!

We don't own a crib but we have a PNP set up in our room. Some nights (when we need some quality adult time







) we put her in there to start the night and then we bring her in with us.

Quote:

just made me wonder.. where does everyone elses baby sleep?
When she was newborn she slept on me. I propped myself up with MANY pillows and she slept on my chest.









When she got too heavy to be on me, she started sleeping next to me. Before she was rolling around so much, we had her up on a pillow between us. We've also had her sleep on top of the covers (with her own blanket) between us.

Now she's flat on the bed, using our covers, and I switch her side to side in the night as we nurse.

We need a bigger bed but I just LOVE co-sleeping!! DH has totally come around and really enjoys co-sleeping too! I







when I hear him talking about how great it is to other people.


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## Bearsmama (Aug 10, 2002)

TLO-Same here. DS#2 sleeps right at breast level, latching on and unlatching when he wants to. I am a calm sleeper and so is he. DS#1, OTOH, is all over the bed. So that's why he's away from the baby.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

I had heard of co-sleeping (here on MDC) before DS was born but didn't plan on doing it myself. We bought a Pack-n-Play to set up in our bedroom and planned on DS sleeping there for the first few months.

When DS was born (hospital birth), I took one look at the basinet (looked like a tupperware box) they had in my room and brought him into the bed with me, he was only in the basinet when I was in the bathroom. When we brought him home the only way he would sleep for the first two weeks was on my or DH's chest, so this changed our plans a little. Every time we tried to put him down in the PnP to sleep he would immediately wake up and we never even tried to put him in the crib. After 2 weeks he started sleeping on his back some, between us in the bed. Then I learned how to nurse lying down and we never looked back. The PnP is in the closet and occasionally one one of the cats sleeps in the crib.

(nak now)
we have a king size bed for me, dh, ds and 7 cats. ds sleeps either between me and dh or between me and the edge of the bed, depending on which side he nursed on last. once he's done nursing he unlatches, rests his cheek on my boob and falls asleep. he usually sleeps at breast level, tucked right up against me belly to belly. occasionally i will slide him up higher in the bed when he's done but not all the time. i only pull the covers up high enough to cover his legs, if i'm really cold i'll scoot him up and pull the covers up higher over me. when he is up higher in the bed i slide my pillow behind me so it's not near him. right now i have a bedrail on my side but i really don't like it, it doesn't go up high enough for the thick pillow-top mattress. i've ordered a snug-tuck pillow for my side and if i like it then i will order another one to go across the top of the bed so he doesn't get caught between the mattress and headboard. (he's not mobile yet.)

i really love cosleeping, i can't imagine doing it any other way. we all sleep great at night. i mean really sleep great, not the "tell your friends your child sleeps great but he really doesn't or cries himself to sleep" kind of sleep great. i've also been blessed with a wonderful sleeper, as long as he is with me.

there's nothing in the world better than waking up to a smiling, happy baby in the morning!


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Abi has to push her body right up next to someone. Nitara spreads her body out in an X and gets as much room to herself as she can.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

It is funny. I thought that I would hate cosleeping before dd was born. I knew I would cosleep at first because I didn't think a newborn should be alone in a crib or cradle. I thought for sure she would be in her crib by six weeks or so. :LOL
I never moved her. I love cosleeping. It makes nursing so much easier. I don't even wake up for feedings most of the time. DH tells me stories of dd lifting up my shirt and latching on. Sometimes he helps her if she is having trouble. I shouldn't even wear a shirt to bed I suppose.







DD sleeps between DH and I, and naps in our bed either alone or with us.

We have a very active sex life- usually 5 or so times a week. We just have sex in other parts of the house. Some people have sex with the baby next to them, but I can't relax enough to get in the mood, let alone do anything if I am right next to her.

Hmmm, what else? I don't see us moving dd any time soon. I think when we do, we will transition slowly- like put her in her own bed, but in our room at first. I have a feeling she might start cosleeping again if we have another baby if she isn't still cosleeping at the time. We will just have to figure out how to cosleep with two. Any parents cosleeping with two- I would love some tips?


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

We are also a co-sleeping family







Dh sleeps during the week in his own bed in th eMbedroom cuz there is a shower in there and this way he will not wake us up at 5 am








Our *snuggle room* as we call it looks like this,
King size matress and twin matress right beside it. On the florr, and wall to wall. We lay in bed like this, DD(4),ME,DD(4). We actually sleep closer than that but I had o add the comma so you woul dknow who I was referring to







I am still nursing them to slepp but they have night weaned (finally







) They too are very frequent night wakers and I too am SO happy to be there for them especially during this stage of night time fears of monsters. When it comes time for them to sleep on thier own, I know I will have a hard time of it, so, I will just have to sneak in an dsleep on the floor before they wake to see me








Seriously though, we had a house fire 1 year ago, and it really has made me VERY thankful I sleep that close to my children.

Dh and I GIO when they are asleep. We just go to the masterbedroom, or wherever strikes our fancy. We draw the line at our neighbours back yard tho. Especially when they are home









I LOVE co sleeping!!!

LAte one night, when were supposed to be alseep, my sweet little dd asked who some kids aren't so lucky to sleep with thier mom and dad's


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## guestmama9915 (Jul 29, 2004)

Great thread.







I never intended to co-sleep. I knew nothing of AP or parenting or anything before I had my DD, I read all the pregnancy books but never thought to go beyond that. :LOL We inherited a bassinet from DH's grandparents, and that's where DD was supposed to sleep. But, after having a HORRIBLE birth experience in the hospital because I got an epidural (a story for another time, I didn't want one but got pressured repeatedly by nurses) which messed me up and anytime I was not laying down I had really awful neck cramps, headaches, and vomiting. So basically I was confined to my bed for 2 weeks, and the only way to nurse DD was with her laying next to me.

Once I was feeling better she did start out the night in her bassinet, but by her first waking I'd sleep with her on the floor the rest of the night, and after a week or two of that, the bassinet just went into the closet. Ever since, DD has been in the bed with me. DH slept with us to begin, but as DD has gotten older, she is the biggest bed hog and DH is sleeping on the couch now. BUT, we are *finally* getting a twin bed to push against our double this month.









As to where DD sleeps, she's all over the place. She rolls around a LOT, she does 180s in her sleep, she sleeps on TOP of me a lot, you name it. We got a crib at our baby shower which she's never slept in but we sidecarred it a few months ago. She slept in it once then, but dived into me in the middle of the night and gave us both big bumps on the head.







But it's a nice place for all the stuffed animals people keep giving us. :LOL


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## thorn (Dec 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LadyBug & BabyBug*
ds sleeps either between me and dh or between me and the edge of the bed, depending on which side he nursed on last. once he's done nursing he unlatches, rests his cheek on my boob and falls asleep. he usually sleeps at breast level, tucked right up against me belly to belly.

that is how my dd sleeps exactly









we have a co-sleeper against my side of the bed so I don't worry about either of us falling off. we are currently using our full sized bed but our brand new queen size is being delivered on tuesday!!

I wear button down pajamas, unbuttoned, to bed. that way she can nurse and I can still be half covered so I don't freeze. as far as GIO, we have only done it once PP, but we just took advantage of her napping in her swing and GIO in our bed.


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

Before dd was born, I felt like I should try putting her in the bassinet to avoid the infinitessimal risk of "overlying" her. But as soon as dh's sister brought the bassinet over, I had a very bad feeling about it. I cried. I tried to position it different ways relative to our bed, but no matter which way I faced it, it felt like an intolerable barrier between me and dd. Dd was born, the mw suggested keeping dd in bed to nurse, and that was all the "excuse" I needed to abandon the bassinet to the noble function of displaying all the cute useless toys people had given dd.

At first I tended to wake up, nurse on both sides, change her diaper, and put her down to sleep a little way from my body. Pretty quickly I learned to nurse half-asleep, and dh did most of the diapers. After that dd and I were usually right next to each other, facing each other on our sides.

Intimacy: I think in the very beginning (well, after a generous waiting time after birth ), before getting the bassinet back to dh's sister, we put her in there. We had a twin bed in the spare room which we would sometimes use or put dd on for a little while. Eventually we had a small stack of blankets on the floor we could put dd on (also useful for mobile nap use).

Dd nursed any number of times a night, in cycles, until she was 20-something months old (before turning 2). Then there came a time when she would get really restless in the middle of the night and cry, but reject the breast, until I moved far away from her in bed. Then she settled down and slept, all sprawled out. So we brought the spare twin bed into our room and started putting her down there at night. She came into bed with us to nurse after this initial period of a few hours' sprawled out sleep, and I don't know how much she nursed after that, but there was at least a long nursing/cuddling time in the morning. The few hours got longer, and the nursing seemed to turn into just once very early.

Dd - now 3yo - outgrew the restlessness, and now she more often comes to bed with us awake. So the twin bed only gets used if dh and I want to move her there for intimacy. She doesn't really nurse at night anymore. My milk dried up early in pregnancy, and I was sore/irritable, so I tried to help her learn to fall asleep lying next to me instead of nursing (she was well down that road anyway, so it was easy). Some nights we all get in bed and read, then turn out the light and go to sleep together. Dd will occasionally wake up and mumble incoherently about a dream, then easily return to sleep with her neck resting on dh's or my arm. She doesn't seem to miss the nursing or question the extreme brevity of it (encouraged by me), but I suspect that when the baby comes she will spend plenty of time in bed with us nursing. We sleep on a queen mattress on the floor, so it should be cozy.


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## starlite (Nov 7, 2004)

This is an awesome thread, The Lucky One. Thankyou!!!

Couple of questions;

I fear co sleeping because I am a really heavy sleeper and I flail and kick in my sleep. Any co sleeping mums/dad's like me? How did you overcome the 'fear' of rolling onto your babes?

My fears are borderline neurotic as my Great Grandmother was Ukrainian and in camps during the war with 7 small children of her own. She told us tales of a small bedroom that 2-3 family's would live in and co sleeping was the only option. Unfortunately, she suffocated her new born when she rolled over in her sleep. This makes me extra nervous as I know I'm a deep and fretful sleeper. Obviously, they would not have had alot of room with mamma and 7 children in one bed - so I know my fears are a little over board.

This thread is wonderful!









Most people here illustrate that co sleeping just comes naturally for their families. Are there any that stuggled to establish their co sleeping arrangement? My ds hated being in bed with us all night - sad for us really but we didn't push the issue. Any other children like this that have since settled down in the family bed? If so - how did you overcome such 'rejection'?

Also - did any one have a husband reluctant to try co sleeping???

Lastly - thankyou for starting this thread for me!!! Thankyou all for being so open in this discussion. I finally understand the intimacy thing now - can't believe how silly I was not to have figured that out for myself







but I was really baffled by this and dh had me convinced it would be nearly impossible to do. :LOL

I love these stories - and I have read every one of the above posts. It's so refreshing to be able to discuss this with parents happy with the co sleeping arrangements as all my IRL co sleeping friends loathe it! Sounds nice to me though - but hard to get my head around how it works in reality. All you mamma's are fantastic!!! Thanx so much.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starlite*
This is an awesome thread, The Lucky One. Thankyou!!!

Couple of questions;

I fear co sleeping because I am a really heavy sleeper and I flail and kick in my sleep. Any co sleeping mums/dad's like me? How did you overcome the 'fear' of rolling onto your babes?


I sleep deeply. I slept through my house being burglarized and various fire alarms.

I just remembered actually being really worried at first, and never getting any sleep because I would never really let myself fall asleep so DH would take DD and they would sleep on the couch. I think I just got so exhausted that I started to accidentally fall asleep, and i didn't hurt the baby, and I was fine.


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

starlite, I don't flail, but I'm a heavy sleeper. Dh occasionally had to wake me up when dd was crying right next to me at night.







But it seemed like my body was aware of dd while I slept.


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa*
I slept through my house being burglarized and various fire alarms.

I was always pretty disturbed when other people in my college dorm told me about the fire drill the previous night. I heard the alarm once in the day time, and it was quite loud and persistent. I don't know what would have happened to me if there had been a real fire!

ETA: Dd has helped me learn to sleep more lightly, and go in and out of sleep more easily, which is nice.


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## starlite (Nov 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eminer*
I was always pretty disturbed when other people in my college dorm told me about the fire drill the previous night. I heard the alarm once in the day time, and it was quite loud and persistent. I don't know what would have happened to me if there had been a real fire!

ETA: Dd has helped me learn to sleep more lightly, and go in and out of sleep more easily, which is nice.

That sounds like something I would do too. I've slept through alarm clocks and ringing phones - I'm dead when I'm asleep and it takes me hours to wake up properly.

Good to know that the body adjusts to co sleeping - just have to trust that next time round and try it for myself. Thanx! I was beginning to think co sleeping was for the light sleepers only :LOL Glad to hear us logs could do it too!!


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## SEEPAE (Feb 18, 2004)

ohh totally the body adjusts! cause Ive been co-sleeping with DS almost 18months(hes almost 18months old, LOL) and I sleep through my alarm clock and so does he, I sleep through men banging on the house with hammers right outside my window- so does he, I sleep through my mom closing my door every morning- so does he, but if he takes 1 shallow breath I JUMP awake and grab him and make sure he is ok :LOL


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

i'm mostly lurking here...i cosleep with all of my kids, baby right next to me, but i wanted to address what a pp said about overlaying...

to the best of my knowledge, it is nearly impossible to do this. nearly, not totally. i do not think it is inherently unsafe for older siblings to share the bed, but it does raise the risk slightly, as it is usually only mother who is "in tune" w/db's sleep cycles. overlaying is also associated with some sort of substance use in mothers, like perhaps a drink or two in the system dulling the senses...although i don't know how likely that would have been in the middle of the war; if alcohol would have even been available? and the other situation that comes to mind, and this is the most likely scenario when taking into account the wartime living conditions, is that a sick baby may not be able to signal to a mother that a blanket or boob is over the face. my dc's were all healthy fat newbies. whenever the blanket went over the face, they kicked and writhed until i moved it, which was basically done immediately and semi-concsiously by me. so perhaps the pp's account was about a sickly baby and that detail was maybe not passed through the years?

anyway, if i've said something wrong, LMK. just wanted to add this so someone new to co-sleeping wouldn't be scared by the idea of over-laying.

oh, wanted to add too that maybe a new mom CS'ing w/her first baby would want to avoid putting db on a pillow on the bed, or on a stack of blankets... just til you got really used to it; to how your baby moves and the noises s/he makes in his/her sleep...


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## starlite (Nov 7, 2004)

Dear Blessedwithboys,

Thankyou for your thread; I know my fears are a little 'out there' and I would not want to scare anybody off co sleeping! The reassurance is awesome.

Yes - much of the story is lost to the ages and it is interesting you mention that the baby may have been sickly. My GG always claimed bub was healthy; but she did mention delivering the child on her own with just the help of her then eldest son (11). She said after 6 births she just automatically knew what to do - and it was do or die. I remember her mentioning that food was scarce and they would go for weeks without a morsel before they were in camp - so maybe she was malnourished during her pregnancy??? She is not a medical expert and I would not have a clue if the baby ever recieved a medical exam before it died in the 'refugee camp' she was talking about. Blessedwithboys is probably dead on with her hypothesis ... but like she said much of the story died with her and both my nanna and mother tell slightly different versions of it today.

Just a thankyou for sharing this with those who may have found it all a little off putting.


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## Mihelinka (Nov 2, 2004)

I never planned on co-sleeping w/ ds. We bought the crib & expected him to be there. I also got a co-sleeper just in case :LOL we would want him closer when he was 1st brought home. Well he's never slept one minute in the crib! We had him in the co-sleeper & even w/ him being beside me I had to have my arm on him for him to stay asleep. I was nursing him every two hours sitting up in the glider, then tried nursing him sitting up in bed. I couldnt stay awake, was afraid i would drop him & was incredible sobby & miserable because I had no sleep. SO i decided to try to nurse him lying down in bed. It was not easy!! I had him on a pillow next to me so he could reach the boob. This worked out, I could finally rest- a little :LOL He's been there ever since. He just turned 12 months & the bed is now on the floor since he's mobile. I nurse him now only at naps & during the night, so co-sleeping is a necessity.

I have to say before ds was born,







i had heard of cosleeping because a friend was doing it & i thought it was dangerous. When you're not IN the situation it is so easy to judge & think you know what your talking about!! Never say never right.


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## Faithsmom (Oct 3, 2004)

Believe it or not, my parents co-slept w/ us when we were babies... and even welcome both my brother and I into their bed in the middle of the night no matter what our age. I remeber being in middle school and having a bad dream and going in their bed. Sometimes, If I would call my mom in the night, she would come and sleep in my bed w/ me. Sometimes, we had all four of us in their bed... as older children and they only had a queen!!!
I had no problem deciding to co-sleep. Actually, it wasn't much of a choice since we only have one bedroom haha. I love it. I love knowing my DD is right beside me, safe and sound. She sleeps so much better when she is in bed w/ us. If she starts out in her crib she ALWAYS comes into our bed in the middle of the night. I pull her crib right up against my bed. Even when she's not in it. That way I'm not afraid of her falling off of the bed.


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## jasperab (Apr 17, 2004)

Well we are officially now full time co-sleeping and this was my little buttons decision. She has always been a restless sleeper and spent part of the night in our bed (her crib is in our room) but got sick over the holidays and now refuses to sleep in her bed. My first always slept in her bed and never really liked sleeping with us, but this one is different. We have settled in despite the fact we have a small bed and neither one of us worry about smothering or rolling over on her. I worked a full week last week instead of my usual part-time hours and I was amazed how common place co-sleeping is with the women I work with and even some of my customers that it came up with. The typical response was that you all might as well get some sleep then constantly get up a night. A very practical point of view. As far as finding private time with my DH, we find various times and various places in the house.


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## guestmama9915 (Jul 29, 2004)

I move a lot in my sleep, too. I guess that's where DD gets it from! :LOL But as a new mother, I found myself waking up severely achy from staying in one position at night. You just "know" your baby is next to you. But I also slept a lot lighter. It took a while for me to sleep more deeply again, and when DD was about 2 months old I found that I was sleeping on top of her some nights. Which kinda freaked me out!! :LOL But I'm not a very heavy person and she seemed to welcome it, so we sleep all over each other now (she's 9 months old) and that's just fine. I love waking up next to my daughter. She wakes up earlier than I want to and will usually snuggle/nurse for a while, but when she's ready to get up she starts poking me and hitting me.







It's so cute, though. I love to wake up next to her big smiles when I finally decide to open my eyes.

I do miss sleeping with DH, but he comes in and snuggles with us in the mornings. We have lots of time during the evenings when DD goes to sleep to do our own thing, too, if we wanted. We usually end up playing games online, though.


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## spirit4ever (Nov 4, 2004)

our family bed is like this....ds (2 1/2), me, dh. Then as the night goes on ds and I switch places quit often b/c I'm due in 2 weeks and sometimes need some space. However, ds loves to nurse and sleep tucked under my arm and would stay like that all night if I let him. I'm not sure how's it going to go in a few weeks though... I plan on co-sleeping between ds#1 and the new baby, hopefully all will work out. Dh will probably go sleep is the 'other' room for a while. I also have a bed rail on the side that ds sleeps on, I'm enjoying it b/c it allows me to lean up against it while nursing/sleeping and being hugely pregnant!! I also have a King, I would love to put a single with it but our room is not big enough. We do have a double mattress in (what's supposed to be) ds room, however the dog has claimed that bed!!


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## richella (Nov 30, 2004)

I didn't know about cosleeping when rowan was born, but I just knew that hospital bassinet was too big and cold and lonely for a baby so fresh out of the womb. Did there used to be some idea that it's bad to sleep with children? I seem to have some vague anxiety about it in the back of my head but there was no way I was going to let some idea I couldn't even remember who told it to me override my instinct/intuition that the best-- only-- place for her was in my arms. I didn't know what they would think about it in the hospital but I figured if anybody said anything I would say that I was nursing and we both fell asleep. (I had a c-section anyway, I couldn't get up to put her in the bassinet if I wanted to!) Really I wanted dh in the bed too, but we were lucky he could stay in the room in another single size bed.

then she got infection and had to stay in the nursery for a few days. Right before we came home I got up the nerve to ask a nurse what she thought about sleeping with baby and she was totally in favor of it.

When we came home, I thought we wouldn't co-sleep because we have a full bed, so we put her in a cradle near the bed. Still, we would nap with her often, sometimes she would get passed from one to the other if we napped consecutively. It was fine for a couple weeks, but then she got colicky and the only way we could get her to sleep at night was between us in the bed, taking turns comforting her while the other slept. fortunately that didn't last long, but we haven't gone back to the crib. I'm trying to get her to accept it so we can have the option, so I put her in it if she's already sleeping well. Dh didn't want to cosleep at first, but he likes it now. We both agree though that we need a bigger bed! The cats would probably like that too.

One time dh woke up and found a cat sleeping with his head on Rowan's chest, body draped down between her legs. Sounds sweet, but we definitely don't encourage that. (the cats have a nice crib they can sleep in anyway!







)

i'm curious about nursing while sleeping. I thought I might do that a lot, but it turns out I leak so much sometimes that I end up soaking wet, which is more annoying to me than sleeping in a bra. So i usually nurse sitting up, sometimes in a chair, even though we're both already in the bed. then i'm awake enough to wipe up and reassemble everything so I wake up dry. Anybody have better solutions to this?


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## Childishgoth (Aug 26, 2004)

hi, i dont have time to read all the posts since my last post. I just wanted to saay thank you to all who shared. now i dont feel akward admitting how close my and my ds sleep next to one another







-


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## Childishgoth (Aug 26, 2004)

http://www.parenting.com/parenting/

dont forget to vote that co sleeping is okay


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

DH and I both came from cosleeping families and had never imagined it any other way.

When #1 was born, DH and I weren't living together - #1 and I slept together on a full-size bed. When we all moved into DH's apartment, we kept the full and all slept on that. Yes, my DH is 6'3" and 260 lbs, but he doesn't have problems sleeping with the kids. Space became an issue when I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant with #2 and we got a queen. We all (DD, DS, DH, and me) slept on the queen until we moved, when we got a king. Now DD sleeps mostly in her own bed, DS sleeps half-time in his own bed, and sometimes DH falls asleep in the kids' room and stays there, leaving just me and the newborn in a king-sized bed. Of course, there are also nights when we have all five of us in the bed, but that's OK too. We got a king specifically so that we'd be able to do that.

My kids all sleep like little logs, so kicking/rolling/etc aren't a problem for us. Just not something we've experienced.


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## Karennnnn (Jan 2, 2002)

My son is 4 and most of his life we only had one bedroom.
At first we were in a 2 bedroom apartment, but I soon realized that it was a lot safer for both of us (and a lot easier on both of us) if I were to just bring him to bed with us and have him stay there. The decision came when I was nursing him on the bed in his room and fell asleep with him in my arms. When I woke up I was about to drop him.
I don't think my instinct was all there in the beginning though. I think it wouldn't shine through because I was stuck on the notion that he had to be in his own room. Why I have no idea; probably because of what mainstream society says and does. So how I ended up nursing I have no clue lol!!
While in the hospital, on the first night, dh stayed with us. I let the nurses take him to the nursery so we could get sleep (LMAO!!!) My husband was REALLY disturbed by this and felt like we shouldn't have done it. I was like "Whatever!" and didn't even give it a second thought, isn't that amazing? They brought him to me when he needed to nurse which was a good thing and looking back, I know I'm lucky and should thank my lucky stars for that one.
When we got home, MIL was there and she was sleeping in the "nursery" on above mentioned bed. We had a bassinet next to our bed for my son. As soon as she left, man, I was moving our furniture back around and had that baby back in his room. But I learned quickly. It actually took probably 3 weeks or so before he was fully in our bed. Each morning I'd have dh bring him to me and he'd sleep there for a few hour stretch until we woke up. So it happened gradually. I remember writing on a baby calendar that he slept through the night completely the first night he was in our bed for the entire night. Of course it's no mystery why.
I always tell people, why would you put a newborn baby, who has spent nine months under your heart into a completely different room from you, completely seperated? I think it's too severe to happen all at once. Co-sleeping isn't for everyone but at least when they're newborns, they should be very near to their moms.
Anyway, so now he's 4







We graduated to a king bed a couple of years ago which happily has pee and puke within it already














But I knew that would happen. But I digress!! He sleeps in between dh and I. I used to flip flop him when he was a more avid nurser. Now he maybe nurses once per day and has had a boob preference for probably 2 years. He only likes the left one. Matter of fact he says when the baby comes, he can have the other one. So part of the reason he's in between us is because of the boob issue.
We plan on getting a twin or full sized bed to go next to our king when the baby is born. I heard that one of the local stores is doing a buy one get one sale. That would be perfect since I could put one in my son's future bedroom and one next to the bed. Eventually the kids would each already have their own beds to sleep in when they're ready. But by the time I can afford to buy this bed I'm sure whatever sale won't exist anymore lol....
You'd think a king sized bed would be big enough, but it isn't for us. I applaud those on here who can fit 2 kids and 2 parents and pets all on one queen sized bed or smaller!!!!
My son likes to turn around at night, ends up sideways making us all form an "H" with him as the horizontal part. When the baby is born, naturally he'll go on the side with the boob ds doesn't like







Safer that way too!!!
Sorry if I made this into an epic!!
Karen


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## starlite (Nov 7, 2004)

Bumping ...

What age do co sleeping children move to their own beds/room? I understand this will vary from family to family ... thoughts???


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## MoMommy (Oct 8, 2004)

Co-sleeping is wonderful! My three brothers and I all co-slept with my parents and I have fond memories of cuddling in their bed. I always knew co-sleeping was something I wanted to do, at least on some level, but that didn't stop me from buying a cradle and a crib before dd was born.







She has probably spent less than three hours total in both of them her entire life. Once I discovered what it was like to have my baby snuggled next to me, I couldn't imagine her sleeping anywhere else.

When she was tiny I was a little concerned about her being smothered by a blanket or something but I quickly grew more comfortable with my ability to protect her. I am a pretty heavy sleeper also. Throughout the night I flip myself over her so she can switch breasts but I usually don't even wake fully...I just know because I'll be on a different side in the morning. Dh has observed her waking up, helping herself to the boob, and nursing back to sleep without me ever waking.

As for weaning from the family bed, I used to think I'd start the process when I got pregnant again. Mostly because I was SO uncomfortable sleeping when I was preggo and also because then I wouldn't have to worry about the older kid hurting the new baby in bed. Now I'm not so sure because I don't want the older one to feel bad about the baby sleeping with mommy and daddy while older one sleeps alone. I guess I'll see about this when the time comes.

Co-sleeping hasn't changed our sex life too much either. We just wait until dd is sleeping, then move her to the far side of the bed and have at it. Sometimes when she is still awake I wish I could just cuddle with dh but most of the time that isn't a problem.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

We started off with a Queen and an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. But the cosleeper became a toy/pillow/blanket/diaper/water cup shelf and also a functioned as a railing since my son nursed a lot at night anway.
When he was one, we put a twin mattress up alongside our queen. He loved having his own pillow and blanket but being in bed with us.
When my daughter was born, we just put her in bed with us but she never slept well. So I actually used the co-sleeper for her and she liked it. Around 7 months, she came back to our queen mattress with us.
Around my son's 3rd birthday, he asked if he could sleep in his room. I would lay with him until he fell asleep and nursed him when he woke up but go back to my bed.
Recently, my daughter wanted to sleep with him. So they share a full size bed turned sideways in his room. It's very odd to not have kids in the bed. Sometimes I end up in their bed with them. LOL
We have a king size mattress now.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Childishgoth*
Question? where exactly does your child sleep when you co sleep? my mil almost freeked out when she saw me sleeping with my 4m old because he sleeps RIGHT next to me. I mean we nurse almost all night so we both just kind of sleep like that.
it didnt seem strange to me or my husband. im not a roller or a kicker, im a very "calm" sleeper, and also a very very light sleeper. (we use to share our bed with a 2 1/2 lb dog and i would wake up at her every squeek)
anyways, my mil said she always thought we had a place for the baby in the middle of the bed away from us.

just made me wonder.. where does everyone elses baby sleep?

Does your MIL randomly roll out of bed at night? Even though we are asleep, we still have an awareness of where we are sleeping. heh.


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## AmyY (Jul 22, 2004)

Great thread!

We bought two cribs before the girls came. The idea was to have them together in a crib in our room and when they turned six months they would go into two cribs in their own room.







:

Anyhoo! They came early, in a city an airplane ride from our home, and I had severe pre eclampsia and a c-section. Bleah! So when Annika came "home" from the hospital 3 days after I did, she slept in a bassinet in the hotel we were staying at. The bassinet was right next to me. We had to wake her every 3 hours to feed her or she wouldn't wake up - preemie stuff. When Alicia came out of the hospital it was straight to the airport and home. The girls did indeed spend the first six months in their crib next to my side of the bed. I would rotate them in and out of the bed at night to nurse as each finally took the breast (don't get me started







), and finally I could nurse them lying down. I think looking back it was best that we didn't fully co-sleep those early months - I was still so desperately ill and the girls were preemies and the combination seems less than optimal.

Once we hit about 4 months and my condition started to show major improvement and the girls started waking up a bit, it became clear that Annika was going to sleep next to me and nowhere else! :LOL Alicia was still content to be rotated in and out of bed, but that left her alone in the crib 2 feet away while DH, Annika and I were in the bed. So sad...

So at six months we began fully co-sleeping. After a couple of months of experimentation we came up with the following: single mattress next to king mattress on the floor, with two Safety 1st guard rails put strategically so the girls don't roll off. It goes like this: wall, DH on single, Alicia, me, Annika on king, guard rail. The other guard rail goes at the head of the mattresses between DH and Alicia (aka "The Thrasher") so she doesn't throw herself off the head of the bed in her sleep. Someone mentioned the baby making an h, Alicia does this too, generally with her feet in DH's face.

We have a Boom Boom Room at the other end of the house. Also useful for visiting family and for DH to sleep in when he needs to sleep through or like right now when he's sick and needs to STAY AWAY!!!

I'm so glad we're fully co-sleeping, and also glad we worked into it gradually, due to our health concerns at the beginning. We are all bursting with health now, thankfully, and I roll between the girls all night long. I sleep in various positions as do they, and I do wake up to nurse them but often fall asleep before they are done.

When I think about the ideas we had before the babies came - in their own cribs across the house by six months, let them cry themselves to sleep by three months, leave them frequently with babysitters and relatives so DH and I could get away, and on and on and on. Once they came that ended immediately! :LOL

Gotta go nurse someone back to sleep!


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## dharmama (Dec 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Childishgoth*
http://www.parenting.com/parenting/

dont forget to vote that co sleeping is okay

I just voted and sent an e-mail! Thanks for the link!!


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

Our arrangement is a king size mattress and box springs on the floor with a toddler bed, which is completely level with our bed, pulled up next to it. Dd falls asleep in the king size and when dh, ds and I go to bed, we move her to the toddler bed. She usually stays there for several hours and then we hear, "Daddy, can I put my head on you shoulders?" After that we know dd is in bed with us for the rest of the night! Such a sweetie. Ds sleeps cuddled up next to me all night. He doesn't nurse much at night, usually not at all, but he sleeps best cuddled close to his mama!









As for "relations"







, we usually just use the floor, couch or spare bedroom. Not a big deal at all!


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyY*
We have a Boom Boom Room at the other end of the house.










love it!


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## amyjeans (Jul 27, 2004)

Fun thread!
We coslept with our dd1(2 yr old) until she turned 11 mo, at which point she moved out.(Very heartbreaking for us) We're trying to get her back in bed with us...she's stubborn and loves her independence!
Now we cosleep with our dd2 (3mo old) which is a dream. We have the co-sleeper but don't really use it. We may start once in a while when our dd1 moves back in- just for more room!
I haven't read all the posts yet, but wanted to know of any funny co-sleeping stories out there?
When our dd1 was co-sleeping, one night, at about 8 months, she crawled out of the cosleeper and onto our bed, found my breast and nursed herself back to sleep. I discovered this because I woke up to find her next to me. I swear I didn't move her!
Another time, she woke me up hollering at about 2 months, because part of my husbands pillow was over her face. Scary, yes but she's a tough kid and has no problem voicing her dissapproval!
After that incident, I have absolutely no fears whatsoever about cosleeping.
my dd2 rolls onto her tummy occasionally, too!


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

starlite, I can't speak for everyone of course, but alot of mamas and dads here at MDC think that the child should be the one to decide when it's time to leave the family bed.

Like I said before, if ds1 hasn't decided to leave by the time he's five and our third child is born, then we will work on heading him in that direction, or at least in a separate bed in the family bedroom. Even so, we will try to always have an open bed policy, meaning that even when he is in his own room if he's scared or sick or whatever he can join us.

Others here might be more proactive about moving the children sooner than us, but I think the general concensus is that the transition should occur when the _child_ is ready, not when the parents feel it is convenient for them (I know there are exceptions to this).


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

When I think of the kids leaving the family bed and our bedroom, I envision them leaving at the same time. Then they will move to a shared room where they will have their own beds. I'm guessing they would choose to sleep in the same bed for a while though, just because they will be so used to sleeping with someone else. I have no pre-conceived notions about when this will all happen. I guess when they're ready.


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## PadmaMorgana (Apr 14, 2004)

I usually lurk here.

When DS was born we had a basenette and a crib. I am really not the crunchy :LOL He slept in the basenette in our room for 4 months then slept in the crib in another room. From about 6 months on he would wake up once to nurse and be up for 2 hours. At about 10 months he would not go back to sleep at night, I gave up and snuggled him in bed with us. It was a miracle







. He slept between DH and I for 4 more months, then we moved the crib to our room, sidecarred it to the bed and we all slept like logs.

Until he was 20 months. We moved him into his own room (which he loved







) as I was pregnant with DD, couldn't get out of bed because of the crib and would wake DS up going pee 10 times a night. He was fine with it. Worked for us









DD was needy from her first breath. Right now she is asleep on my lap :LOL She hated the basenette, wouldn't sleep, has horrid gas and mild reflux (once I cut out dairy it was better). When she wasn't asleep she was sucking on my finger. DH couldn't handle being woken up 4 times a night and then waking up early with DS, so he moved into the spare room. The only way she would sleep was on her belly or her side. So for 9 months DD slept on her side, next to me. Then we moved the crib in, sidecarred it and moved my little kicker in there. And DH moved back in to my room







.

And that is where we still are. Most nights DD sleeps in her crib, some nights she sleeps velcroed to me and occasionally she sleeps between us.

As for intimacy, well...um...both kids were not concieved in our bed







We have a big house and learned to be very quiet


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## Book Addict Jen (Mar 1, 2004)

We have a queen & 2 twins. Katie 3 is on a twin next to the wall. Our bed is right against it. Another twin at the foot of the bed for Ben 8. Becca 5 has her own room. Ben 8 & Becca use to share a room, but Becca would wake up ben after he would fall asleep. Sicne he was starting school we moved him to our room. We are all so much happier cause we can actually sleep now, lol. If Becca wasn't such a pill at night we might let her in with us, but then NO ONE would sleep, lol.

We use the couch for "us time". Works great!


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## alliegad (Dec 8, 2004)

This is a wonderful thread! I do not co-sleep on a "regular" basis, BUT... the past few weeks, I have been napping with 16 month old DS quite a bit.
I'm struggling with some things... Maybe you ladies can help me. I am 26 weeks pg, so these naps together are so sweet and precious. I just thought: If I want to nap when he does, why can't I just lie with him? So I have been....
When DS was a baby, up to maybe 6-ish months old, he occasionally slept with us for parts of the nights, more for our own convienence than for any "good" reason.

Now, after napping with DS 9 out of the last 14 days, he does not want to nap alone. I takes upwards of a half hour of going back and forth into his room to rub his back and calm him down and get him to fall asleep "on his own." He transitioned to a twin mattress on the floor from the crib quite early b/c he was climbing out of his crib just before 15 months, and all was great. But now.... I love sleeping with him, but don't want him to get "hooked on it" because I can't nap every day! Things to do during that precious nap time, you know?! But he wants it, and I'd love to give it to him.....
Does that mean I should not ever nap with him, because then he'll grow to expect and want it daily, you think?

What do you guys do for naps? Do your children expect you to be with them then?









And another thing I am contemplating if we do co-sleep with new baby on a regular basis is- doesn't the baby (esp. once they are a little closer to a year old) wake up when you get in and out of the bed or come in and out of the room? Do your children go to bed earlier and kind of.. wait for you and DH to go to bed an hour or 3 later? How does that work?

The intimacy part is not what gets me, because I totally get the ease of simply going somewhere else, but what has me wondering how it would work is the coming and going into the bedroom. DS is a very very LIGHT sleeper, I am certain that he would fuss a bit to have us coming and going.

Thanks for a wonderfully informative thread!!


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alliegad*
The intimacy part is not what gets me, because I totally get the ease of simply going somewhere else, but what has me wondering how it would work is the coming and going into the bedroom. DS is a very very LIGHT sleeper, I am certain that he would fuss a bit to have us coming and going.

I hope this doesn't sound too awfully dumb. My dd is not a light sleeper and has coslept, slept in slings, slept on the floor in rooms around the house, etc. since birth, so maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about. But I am wondering if your ds is comfortable with the new arrangement, whether he will just adapt to the idea that you are coming and going. We sometimes wake each other up doing things like going to the bathroom at night, having dreams, etc., but it's not a big deal. Dd goes back to sleep quickly as soon as she is next to us, because she realizes that she's in the "right" place and feels comfortable. At your ds's age, she would have nursed back to sleep.


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## alliegad (Dec 8, 2004)

Erin, you are probably right. Really. I mean, when I think of him sleeping in his own bed, and he wakes up randomly b/c the water softener practically sounds like it's exploding as it cycles or whatever- he goes back to sleep sometimes before I even get to him to comfort him, like within 2-3 minutes and sometimes all it takes is literally one stroke of me rubbing his head.....
You are probably right.


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## starlite (Nov 7, 2004)

To all you co sleeping mamma's. Check out this reassuring co sleeping link.

Basically - it defines how to make your co sleeping environment safe. I know most mamma's are safety concious - and if nothing else this can reassure you that you are doing the right thing. It is also good for those with older siblings in the bed and a newborn, as it provides an opportunity to review the safety of your family bed set up.

As I am paranoid about overlaying I found this link scientifically reassuring. It confirms that overlaying is nearly impossible under normal circumstances but warns mother's who may be at risk of overlaying how to reduce this miniscule chance. I think everyone here probably knows everything mentioned in this link but it's good to put it in incase there are those with questions.


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## ChattyCat (Sep 7, 2004)

OOH! This is a GREAT thread!!!

Anyway, once I got pg, I just assumed we would co-sleep. DH needed some convincing, so I did the research and provided him with statistics and then he was fine with it.

We bought a SnuggleNest to use! Hahahahahahaha! (It's a little 3 sided boxe with foam mattress that goes in between you and dh on your bed. It supposedly keeps the pillows and blankets away from the babe and prevents you from rolling on to babe)

Our child refused to be anywhere that was more than an inch from me! We tried the snuggle nest for probably a month, and then chucked it. He slept peacefully snuggled right next to me for another month.

Then he decided to sleep throught the night (almost every night). He slept in his swing or Amby hammock for about the next 4 months.

Then he started teething and we were moving from Washington state to North Carolina. There's nothing like living out of your car for 2 1/2 months!

He pretty much went back to sleeping curled up next to me. Now he's more squirmy. A lot of nights he'll roll over on his stomache and scoot up to the top of the bed. Some nights we try to get him to sleep in his room on his full size mattress on the floor(at least for the first part of the night). Our king-size bed is up off the ground, so we can't leave him there alone. So, now that he's more mobile and needy (which is okay) at night, our love life is suffering a bit. It was fine until recently. I think I need to get a copy of the NoCry Sleep Solution to work on getting him to sleep in his own room for at least 2-3 hours at the beginning of each night. Right now, even if we get him down in there, he frequently wakes up after 30 minutes or so. Also, he doesn't nap on his own. He'll only nap in my arms or in the car.

I'm not into sleep training, but it would be nice if he would sleep a little bit without me next to him. Also, just recently he's stopped always nursing to sleep. He'll nurse almost to sleep and then fuss for 20 minutes before crashing out. He doesn't do this all the time, but probably a few times a week including naps. So, my old standby of nursing him down isn't always working. I know people say if you CIO then you train your kids to only cry themselves to sleep. I think I've done the same thing with nursing. My babe doesn't know how to sleep without it. Yet now he's wanting to.

Maybe I'm not the best person to relay a co-sleeping story right now. We seem to be in a rough patch. Even so, I couldn't imagine having not co-slept. We have friends who are TTC, and they think ds is the happiest baby they have ever seen, and they are all so impressed that we have always responded to him every time he has cried.

ANd, FWIW my favorite part of the day is waking up with ds. He is so happy and smiling and I







it!!! Having him all cuddled up next to me first thing is just the sweetest way to start my day!!


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## FillingMyQuiver (Jul 20, 2004)

It is so wonderful to read all these stories of children snuggled with their mamas and dads









I remember co-sleeping w/ my little sister when she was about 3. We shared a room and she would climb down from her bed and climb into mine. She was a kid that needed that physical touch from someone









When I was pg, I didn't think we'd co-sleep. Actually, I was pretty against it







: But then DS was born :LOL We had a cradle in our room and he used it for the first part of the night, then I would sleep w/ him on my chest for the rest of the night. I started noticing that he slept so much more sounder on my chest than in the cradle. At about 3mo I brought him into bed permanently. DH was a little leary at first, but DS slept between me and a guard rail until DH got used to the arrangement.

DS is now almost 9mo and we sidecarred his crib about a month ago b/c we needed the extra space (DS can be a VERY restless sleeper. But surprisingly, he still crawls from the crib to right next to me. Often I wake up w/ him snuggled into my chest.







I don't think I'd have it any other way. DH has told me that when we have another babe, DS will be moved to his own room and we will co-sleep w/ the new babe and I wonder if I really want this. I love walking up to DS smiling at me


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## dharmama (Dec 29, 2002)

Quote:

But surprisingly, he still crawls from the crib to right next to me. Often I wake up w/ him snuggled into my chest.


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## mamabear&babybear (Dec 20, 2004)

My dh is 100% against our dd sleeping in bed with us (because we have a soft mattress and cat).







We started with her sleeping in the swing and taking turns holding her. Eventually she was sleeping in her crib and doing very well. She would sleep for 5-6 hours at a time. At her 4 month dr appt., the dr told me I need to force her to sleep by letting her CIO because she should be sleeping 9-10 hours at a time.








I haven't tried it and don't intend to (however I *am* switching dr's). Anyway, just after that appt. my dd started teething and wouldn't sleep for more than 30 min at a time. When that ended she started a phase where she would go to sleep but would often wake the second I put her down. She would also wake from a sound sleep bawling. My dh is still against having her in our bed, so I put together some blankets on the floor in our living room. She still sleeps in her crib at first, but the first time she wakes up I bring her in to the living room where we spend the rest of the night.







I find myself looking forward to her waking up. Someday soon I hope dh comes around.

I am also hoping that our new arrangement helps her to start napping without being held. In order for her to nap long enough so as to not be fussy I have to hold her (which is why writing this has taken me a half hour :LOL ). I'm hoping to have some success with co-napping. Any thoughts on how to lengthen naps? I tried NCSS but hasn't worked for us.
Awesome thread!!!


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## sahmama (Jan 3, 2005)

We have a crib 'sidecarred' against my side of the bed - the side is off and it's rigged up so it's attached to our bed. This sort of 'extends' our bed, which is a queen - we are not small people







: , and my fiance is a bed hog. This just gives us more room, but DS generally sleeps in the crook of my arm. My 7 year old (doesn't live with me full-time) sleeps with me as well when she visits (fiance gets moved to the couch then, not nearly enough room and she kicks like a mule), and she cosleeps with her grandparents often when she is at home. I didn't cosleep when she was an infant, not until I became a single mom and had no choice due to lack of room, but now I just cannot imagine how I did it. DF suggested last week that we should move DS out of our room, or at least put the side on the crib, and I felt like my heart would break just thinking of it. He agreed, it was just a thought he had after hearing someone say rude things about our cosleeping.







If we TTC again, it won't be for a few years, and hopefully we'll have a kingsize by then, b/c I am hoping DS will still be with us, and our bed will always be open to DD if she needs it.

I do have a bedroom for the kids, set up for them to play or sleep in, so it's there if they ever ask for it, but we've only used it for storage and guests so far.


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## sahmama (Jan 3, 2005)

Oops, I can't believe I forgot this - I have had a pile of health problems since DS was born; I also had a c-section to recover from. I shudder to think what life would be like if we didn't cosleep; I can't bend over and lift him out of a crib, or stand for long periods - much of the time, I can do stationary activity only. I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it is to be able to soothe him to sleep while laying in a position that is comfortable for me, and not running from room to room and rupturing myself trying to lift all 20+ lbs of him! The most moving of him I need to do is shifting him over for a butt change.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ajacobs*
My dh is 100% against our dd sleeping in bed with us (because we have a soft mattress and cat).

nak
can't help ypu out with the mattress, ours is a pillowtop but is firm enough for ds to sleep on we do have cats though - 7 of 'em! we usually have 4 or 5 sleeping in the bed with us at any one time, they don't cause a problem.

i pointed out to dh - when a cat is "bad" at night, we "punish" it by either locking it out of the bedroom or putting it in a room by itself if it was fighting. why should we do that to ds?


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## janerose (May 9, 2004)

We've co-slept since the hospital. No way was I putting dd in that plastic bassinett! She's 15 wks today & I can already see how the co-sleeping relationship evolves as they age.

For the first week she'd only sleep on our chests. Then we were able to transition to her being part of the night in her crib sidecar (sleeping on her side) and part of the night on us.

Around 4 wks we started swaddling her because she'd keep waking herself. For the next 10 wks she slept swaddled on her back in the crib attached to my side of the bed. When she woke I'd feed her & put her back.

Just this past week she started sleeping unswaddled because she was trying to roll over while swaddled. We were afraid she'd get onto her front & not be able to get off. The past few nights have been interesting. Sometimes she's fine in the sidecar & sometimes (like last night) she sleeps in our bed all night. We're just trying to be flexible & follow her lead. I acutally do enjoy having her sleep with us, except it makes my back sore to not have freedom to move as much as I normally would. She generally sleeps at chest level, nursing off & on, and I move her from side to side as I need to shift or change breasts.

DH likes co-sleeping too and we generally have "us" time while she's in her sidecar asleep. I'm sure as she gets older we'll have to get more creative about that though.









eta: We have 9 cats, but they don't sleep w/ us. We made our bedroom a cat free zone. We also have 2 dogs who sleep in their own beds in our room. Also, dd will generally not sleep unless I'm right there. Most naps are either in arms nak'ing or laying down together.


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## MilkOnDemand (Jan 7, 2005)

I never intended to cosleep. When we brought Dustin home from the hospital he was going to first sleep in a bassinet, and then in the lovely nursery I had set up. The first couple of nights I'd wake up, feed him, hand him to my mom and I'd go back to bed. Then, she went home and cosleeping just sort of happened - it was way easier to nurse him and if nobody actually woke up it wasn't hard to go back to sleep. When Dustin night weaned, I started putting him to bed in his crib, and if he woke I'd just put him in bed with me. When he was about 4 he stopped coming into my bed at night.

With Dorothy, I set up a cosleeper that she used for naps & to start out the nights. It was a nobrainer that she'd sleep with me, especially when I went back to work and she started reverse cycle nursing. Today Dorothy goes to sleep in her own room at night, but several nights a week around 2:30-3:00 she crawls in between my husband and me for the rest of the night.

I love having my kids in my bed. It gives us that extra snuggle time they need, and that I need. Dustin likes to come in on Saturday mornings now for some extra love he says.

Tara
Dustin 5
Dorothy 3
Baby - due 7/4/05


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## SabrinaJL (Apr 9, 2004)

When I started co-sleeping with DD I had never heard of it. I didn't know there was even a term for it. I didn't hear the terms co-sleeping or family bed until about 4 years later.

She started out in a bassinet next to my bed but I nursed so I'd end up falling asleep with her in the bed. I figured that was so much easier so I got rid of the bassinet. Also I lived with my grandma until she was 6 months old. 2 weeks after I moved out on my own DH went to boot camp. So for about the first 2 years of her life it was just me and her in the bed.

People were horrified when they found out she was sleeping with me. They would always say we had to get her out of the bed or she'd still be sleeping with us at 15. I didn't give a crap about their opinions though. It worked out so well and I loved it. When we finally moved to San Diego where DH was stationed he didn't mind her being in the bed (he had gotten used to it when he was home on leave anyways). When we wanted to have sex we'd go to the living room or the other bedroom.

She slept with us until she was 5. She'll be 11 next month and still climbs in bed with us sometimes (usually when she's sick or just lonely). She says "Can I cuddle with you guys tonight?" And if she still wants to climb in bed every now and then when she's 15, I won't have a problem with that either.


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## manda (Jun 2, 2004)

nak

My 4 month old daughter sleeps between my husband and I, at boob level for easy snacking access. She usually sleeps snuggled up to me pretty closely. I adore co-sleeping. We couldn't imagine doing it any other way!


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## treehugginhippie (Nov 29, 2004)

What a wonderful thread







I have to admit that I did not intend to co-sleep before I had dd. I had read about it and AP in my Dr Sears Baby Book (love that book btw) but I thought "um, no not for us". After we got home from the hospital I tried putting her in the pack n play next to our bed. She would either wake up or sleep VERY restlessly so I brought her in bed with us and she slept great. That sweet little girl wanted nothing more than to be snuggled up next to me. I am so grateful that she was the one who decided where she wanted to sleep because I couldn't imagine having her sleep anywhere else! How wonderful it is to hear her breath and laugh in her sleep. This time with her is so precious and we get to nurture her even in her sleep.


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## jmom (Sep 14, 2004)

I love reading all the stories! So let's see... When dd was a new-born, she'd start the night in the basinette and end up in the big (king size) bed. She was out of the bed at about a year because she was flailing all over the place and waking up everybody. She seemed to sleep better in her own space and in her own room. Once she could scale the crib walls, though, we needed plan B. She was great at the mount but not so great at the dismount. We had a fold-up fort and we made that her sleeping area until she outgrew it and graduated to a full size bed of her own. I usually laid with her, reading stories and singing songs, until one or both of us fell asleep.

This came to an end when I was pregnant with DS and couldn'y handle sleeping on the floor. He's been in the big bed most of the time, though we moved him to the crib once his need for night-time nursing waned. He developed the same mount/dismount issue as dd, so last weekend the crib finally came down. He's already too big for the fort, though, so we'll probably just make us a nest on the floor of his room. I'll lay with him until he goes to sleep, then I'll head back to the big bed.

BTW, I keep reading about TV over-stimulating the bed-bound kid, and I have to say that hasn't been true for my kids. In fact, a short video (halleluia for fast forward) is part of settling down little bodies in our house.


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## srmina (Sep 10, 2004)

We have a kind of unusual cosleeping story. When my dd was born, I was neither pro or anti cosleeping...I was kind of a "we'll see what works" gal. Unfortunately, because of my dd's multiple health problems and disabilities, I did not have much choice in things. During the day she spent her entire day laying over my shoulder or on my chest, cuddling but usually screaming. I am not sure whether this was from her medical/neurological problems or anxiety from being in the NICU for more than a month, but she had to be held all the time. It was exhausting but valuable for both of us.

At night we kept her in a cradle that was partially side-carred to the bed. She was unable to sleep in the bed with us because she had very little ability to move her arms, legs, or head (and at first she was not even able to cry!) and it was not safe for her to be in the bed. She was also hooked up to a lot of equipment at night (feeding pump, etc.) and vomited about 5 times a night which made cosleeping impossible. She is also a really light sleeper and wakes up if you roll over or move anything, unfortunately forcing us to move her into her own room at about 6 months. We still continued (and continue!) our daytime cosleeping...and I still can't move while she sleeps!

At about 10 months I tried to start cosleeping with her parttime at night since she was able to move better and protect herself better. Her vomiting was also improving. But all she did was scream her head off and start vomiting until I picked her up and held her upright. At 12 months she finally started laying without screaming in the bed (but not sleeping) for an hour in the morning.

At about 14 months she decided that she really liked being in the bed and even started sleeping a little bit. Now she loves being in the bed and sleeping with me, although she really wants to be wrapped in my arms all the time and still wakes up when you move at all most of the time. Our usual pattern is I rock her to sleep, put her in her crib for a minimum of six hours when she gets her overnight tube-feeding, and then bring her in the bed with me whenever she wakes up after that. Sometimes she sleeps 4 hours with me; other nights she just cuddles for a half hour in the morning.

Sleeping with me has really helped to decrease her anxiety about everything. She no longer cries everytime I put her down or sit her next to me instead of on me. She has become much more secure. She also gets much deeper sustained sleep with me, as long as I don't move!

DS will be born in about six weeks and we are not sure what we will do with him either. He will start in the sidecar cradle and snuggle nest and we'll see how things go from there. He doesn't have a crib. This time I will be nursing (I pumped for DD for 13 months) so things will probably be very different.


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## gridley13 (Sep 3, 2004)

I purchased a cosleeper when I was pg with dd. She would have nothing to do with that







. After a few sleepless nights, I reluctantly put her in bed with us. Soon we got a twin and pushed it up against the bed, but they were different heights. Then, we got 2 double beds from a hotel that were the same height and pushed those together. When ds was born, I didn't even bother with the cosleeper (actually, it is on ebay right now).

Our set up is: ds against the wall, then me, then dd and dh on the end.

Now, I am not a large person, and obviously dd and ds are not, either. Dh is usually way on the end or on the couch (he wakes up REALLY early and just watches tv). So, we have lots of room. Yet both kids usually snuggle up to me and I honest to God usually have about 11 inches of space in between the two of them.







This gets kind of irritating, but still...

I LOVE COSLEEPING!!


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## surprisesarefun (Jan 19, 2005)

Neat stories. We ended up co-sleeping with our ds because he refused to sleep without us. He and I slept all over the place together, recliner, couch, spare bedroom, before dh agreed to give cosleeping a chance. After a few months or so we moved his crib into our room and started putting him to bed in there, thus freeing us to be adults for a while. When he woke up - usually around 2, he got in bed with us. This continued until he was 10 months. Then we put his crib in his room and when he woke he would come in our room. At 14 months we traded the crib for a toddler bed and he started sleeping through the night, thus ending our co-sleeping.

With dd, we brought her home from the hospital and into our bed. She started sleeping in her crib (in our room) for the first part of the night at around 2 months. But it's off and on. Some nights she sleeps 1/2 hour before waking up and coming into our bed and other nights she makes it til 2:30. She is down to nursing only once or twice at night now, and she's almost 8 months. It's working great for us.

BTW, our bed is a full sized, so we are squished as heck but snuggling close.


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## mudhutters (Jan 21, 2005)

We never really consciuosly decided to co-sleep. I had never heard the term before, it just made sense to keep my babies near to me during the night as well as the day--for their confort and security as well as my own! Well, as my babies became little boys it continued to make sense--after a day out in the world exploring and experiencing, we all felt comforted by our big family bed. Now they are becoming big boys(7 and 10), and although they have recently begun to fall asleep in their own shared room, we all always wake up together in the big bed.







The little guy wanders in around 1:00 and the big guy around 4:00. Both of them love to cuddle and I want to enjoy it as long as I can, I see their childhood passing by so fast! I also want to encourage their affectionate natures, and I think cosleeping is the best remedy for nightmares and sleeplessness. We have always had an extra futon somewhere in the house, so if me or dad (or me AND dad







) feel we need some space there has always been another bed available somewhere.


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## Texasminx (Jan 20, 2005)

New here, but I have been co-sleeping since my second child was born. My first we made sleep in her own bed and it was a very difficult struggle with her, but made easier by the fact that she was a formula baby after the third month. The second baby came along and she was not as independent as the first and I was determined to make the bf'ing work. It helped that she was a thumb sucking little cuddler too. For the first few months she slept in the crib and would wind up in the bed on nights I was too exhausted to stay awake. Then my dh wound up in Korea and frankly, I just wanted a warm little body next to me to cuddle with at night and since I was still bf'ing it made it easy. DH came home on leave and I was p.g. again. I wound up weaing #2 at about 18 months, but she insisted on holding onto my bra strap, so slept with a bra at night to let her hold onto her comfort zone. Then once the child #3 was born #2 still was still in my bed and I let her sleep behind me and her little fat hand was still down my shirt and holding onto my bra in back while I was nursing 3 in front. lol. Eventually I put 2 and 3 in their own bed. Then just when I thought I was done and had time for myself, and after three girls, along comes the boys! #4 screamed ALL the time. He is a very strong willed boy and often times would scream unless I was holding AND walking him. If I stopped, it started, so he slept with us since that was the only way I could get sleep since he out willed me. I then was in an accident and at the E.R. they asked me if there was a possibility if I was p.g. I didn't think so, but had an odd feeling I should be checked. They told me no and did all the necessary tests that they needed. I still felt "odd". Anyway less than a week or two later I bought one of those over the counter tests and found out that 5 was on his way. So much for hospital accuracy!! Anyway, my sweetest baby was born this past July when I developed a problem during my p.g. and had to be induced. I was about 3 weeks early from my due date and to be honest since all my kids were about 2 weeks over, he was probably 5 weeks early. He was little little when I brought him home. My kids ranged from 7lb 6oz to 8lb 9oz and then this one was only 6 lb 5 oz at birth and 5lb 5oz when I brought him home scared me half to death. I put him in my bed immediately just so that I could hear him at night breathing. He sleeps next to me (either side) and my husband sleeps on the far side with a toddler bed set up next to the bed for my 2 y.o. Lately though the 2 y.o. has wanted to go to sleep next to me and once asleep we move him to the tot bed.
Sex? What is sex? lol, actually by the time we go to bed at night we are both so tired and with my accident last year it just isn't possible because of the exhaustion and the neck pain.
Anyway I love the cosleeping and I love the warm little one next me and being able to respond quickly to their needs. My 10 y.o. told me here while back that she wished she could sleep with me again. That sweet little thumb sucker (well actually not anymore, but it was cute when she was a baby)
Lou


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## mandalamama (Sep 1, 2004)

we have a queen size bed, my husband refuses to put the mattress on the floor, though. since we both sleep with a lot of covers, we decided it'd be best to get an Arm's Reach mini co-sleeper and sidecar it on my side of the bed. i love it! i love tucking her into it, i love snuggling up next to it and laying my hand on her to sleep. i love listening to all her "puppy snuffles" and i especially love how in tune we are, i wake up just as she's waking up wanting her middle-of-the-night feeding, so she never gets a chance to cry. i can't imagine sleeping in a separate room from her!! when she needs comforting - or heck, when *i* need comforting! - i bring her into bed with me and she sleeps in the crook of my arm. when i need to wrap up in the covers again, i return her to her lil' bed. she snuggles into it, then gradually skootches over so she's closer to me, and falls asleep with a smile on her face







i wish we could have the mattress on the floor for when she gets older, but my husband won't bend on that one. so we'll probably bring the crib in, remove the front and sidecar that. i love love love co-sleeping!!


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## achintyasamma (Aug 4, 2004)

We knew we would cosleep long before ds was born. It wasn't even really a question for us. We have a full futon mattress on the floor. Initially ds used to sleep right next to me if he was swaddled or else on dh's chest. For some reason he never liked to sleep on my chest. Too bumpy I guess







After we started putting him to sleep on his tummy, he really spreads out his arms and doesn't like to be touched when he's sleeping. He was taking up about half the bed and dh and I were really cramped. Two weeks ago we started sleeping sideways on the bed with our legs sticking off the end. Since the mattress is only 3" high this works well for us. It's like having a king-sized bed without spending any money! With this new arrangement, there's about a foot of space between me and ds. This is important for us because he's a really light sleeper. Ds wakes frequently in the night, which we're working on. I'm trying to do some of the things in the No-Cry Sleep Solution. Right now I'm trying to stick to a good bedtime routine and an earlier bedtime for ds. He's really come to associate taking a bath with going to bed and the last three nights he's only woken 3-4 times. We've got our fingers crossed.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I am embarrassed (and kind-of ashamed) to share this here, but I am hoping that some new lurking mama who is on the borderline of joining us will read this, to help her make wiser decisions....

I started out an uneducated mother...what I mean is that I was very educated in the mainstreamed ideals of parenting (I read all the mags and several common books pre-baby), but I was very uneducated in _natural alternatives_ to the mainstream. I knew about AP but it was limited to the short vague segments (albeit surrounded by non-AP advice and articles) in one or two of the mags.
So, to put it simply, I was a mainstreamed new Mom who was clueless to any other way of parenting than the one I grew up with.

We started out with a bassinet at the foot of the bed, which I felt the need to shine a flashlight on and check on dd often throughout the night for those rare times when I wasn't sitting on the side of the bed nursing her (







, we would have all slept better if I just kept her with me in bed).

Then we moved dd to a crib in her own room, where I spent most of my nights holding dd in the rocking chair and nursing her. Although the dr., mags and books (those _dreadful_ What to Expect books) were telling me to let her cry, _I would not and could not do it_. That was the beginning of my realization that maybe, just maybe, all those "experts" were wrong.

After 1 year of exhausting nights spent mostly in the rocking chair in dd's room, one night (while dh was away on a trip) I woke up sensing something was wrong, so I went to dd's room to check on her. As soon as I entered her room, she was silently (and intently) hanging on the edge of the crib rail and, before I could get to her, she fell right on top of her head onto our hard wood floor! I screamed, she laughed (she *still* is a little daredevil). She was fine, but the next day the crib was disassembled and put in storage.

From that night on we co-slept. We bought dd a cute toddler bed, because others advised us to (again it hadn't totally sunk in yet, and I had no support), but she wasn't interested and I didn't push it (I actually enjoyed having her sleep with us, a totally foreign concept to me except for what I had learned in college about other cultures around the World but "not my culture"







). I didn't (and don't) blame her for wanting to sleep surrounded in the comfort and security of her parents.

So here we are, still in the family bed 8 (or 7, technically) years later. Dh and I are in no rush to push her out, nor do we have any plans to. When she wants to sleep in her own bed, she will. She will grow up fast enough. There is no way I am going to watch my little girl go off the college one day and say to myself "I wish I would have...". This time is precious and now, finally, *I know better*.


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