# egg donation



## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

I'm looking for peoples thoughts on this.


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## DragonflyBlue (Oct 21, 2003)

I think it is a wonderful gift!

But there are a few things to consider. (three rounds of IVF here)

Make sure you go to a top-notch clinic. Just as in everything, there is good and bad. Some clinics are horrible, others outstanding. Make sure you go through board certified Reproductive Endocrinologists. Check the clinics stats online.

You will be injecting yourself with hormones for several weeks. Lupron, then follicle stimulating hormones (FSH). They must be done at the same time every day. No missing.

You will be having several rounds of bloodwork as well as ultrasounds.

On day three of your cycle, you get basic bloodwork. From there they know how many amps of FSH you will need.

You will get vaginal ultrasounds quite often. A baseline, as well as every other day ones once you start the FSH injections.

You will be tired. Migranes are common. Mood swings can be horrendous.

There is a risk of OHSS, hyperstimulation of the overies. It is not too common but can be fatal if severe. I've known a few women who have spent months in the hospital with OHSS.

You will have bloating, jeans will not fit. The more follicles you have, the more bloat you have and the greater the discomfort. I won't say it is fun. It hurts. A lot.

There are debates as to whether or not the meds cause or increase the risk for cancer.

Retreival requires sedation. Typically "twighlight sleep" type meds. Some women (including myslef) have woken up in the middle and it is painful as all get out.

You will be tender and bloated for several days after.

Once you start your donation cycle you will be required to abstain from intercourse.

If you are married, your dh and family have to be totally onboard with this. The time commitment, emotional toll, physical toll are demanding and not to be taken lightly.

I'm not trying to discourage you at all. As I said, I think it is a wonderful gift to give. Just research it fom every angle, including the harsher what if's and make an informed decision.

Let me know if I can help and also what you decide!

Janis


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

It is something that I am not personally comfortable with, because there would be another child out there that I would feel partly responsible for. And I know that for me there would still be some sense of parenthood there that I wouldn't want to deal with. Like if the mother didn't nurse, or the family spanked or did CIO. I know that I wouldn't be ok with that. I would feel, in a sense, that they were doing it to my child.


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## FreeThinkinMama (Aug 3, 2004)

I couldn't do it, I would feel like I had given up a baby for adoption. But for those who can do it I think it's a wonderful thing. My dh & I went through infertility treatments and that experience was brutal. I really sympathize with couples who can't have children without IVF and other treatments, and I think the people who seek to help them out deserve the compensation they get and so much more.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Do a search too, there have been several threads about this, and they can get pretty heated.









Would I do it? Yes. Unfortunately my eggs are mostly crap...having gone through IVF, I know that.

Is it a wonderful gift? YES! Infertlity is a rough rough road to travel. And it is ahrd to get to a point where you are okay with the idea of never being pregnant if you have looked forward to it for a long time. Egg donations provides a viable option for women without a lot of options.


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## Leatherette (Mar 4, 2003)

I do think it can be a great thing for one woman to do for another, but I don't think I could take the physical toll at this point in my life. Maybe for my sister or best, best friend, but I have heard that it is very difficult and can be painful physically. I think, at 34, most people wouldn't want my eggs anymore, anyway. I don't think I would have an emotional attachment to the egg. I lose one every month anyway...

I used to think I could be a surrogate, but then I got pregnant and went into early labor and was on bedrest for three months. That ended that idea.

I have one child who was adopted, so I am very pro-adoption, but I have also experienced pregnancy and childbirth once, so I think if someone wants very badly to go down that road with a donated egg, they should try it.

L.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

There is an age limit on egg donation.

The qualifications from the clinic that did my IVF:

Quote:

Necessary qualifications include:

× Between the ages of 21 and 30
× No more than 25% over ideal body weight
× Regular menstrual cycles
× No history of sexually transmitted diseases
× No known genetic disorders
× Non-smoker

Additionally, you must have current health insurance and live in the Greater Denver, Colorado area.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

First, let me say that my heart goes out to those who have suffered through infertility, but I have had more than my own fair share of other tragedies in life, so I have scars in other places.

My personal problem with egg donation is that there are no long term studies to date. This interferes with informed consent for procedures like this. A woman who is given hormones to superovulate often need to take time off from work, may suffer from a burst ovarian cyst, a burst ovary, or later in life, ovarian cancer. Who knows?

I have seen ads all over the University I have gone back to for updating my skills for egg donors, specifically women who have SAT scores over 1350.

In California, the mother of the baby is the egg donor if there is a surrogate paid to rent her womb out or "nest sit", so the concept of motherhood has become convoluted. If the woman buys an egg, mixes it with her DHs sperm and carries it IVF, then the woman who carried the baby is the mother...so the woman who controls the contract and $$$ is the mother.

To me this smacks of classism and perpetuates classism to medical technological levels Mary Shelley never dreamed of.

read Mother Machine, by feminist author Gena Corea. It is twenty years old, but the information is still good.

http://www.wendymcelroy.com/reason.htm
http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/rt21/pro...e/Farquhar.htm


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Suggest you read Our Little Miracle, Louise by Lesley and John Brown, the story of the first test tube baby and what the parents went through.

So much for informed consent.


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## FreeThinkinMama (Aug 3, 2004)

Why should I read your book? Obviously you didn't bother reading what anyone else had to say.

When I took fertility drugs I knew about the risks, they were worth it to me. If someone decides to donate their eggs, whether the doctor tells them of the risks or not they should be educated enough to do their own research and give their decision careful thought. Just because something carries a risk though doesn't mean that will be the outcome. Being pregnant carries a risk of death, heck driving a car carries a risk of death.

The first test tube baby was how many decades agi ago? We know a lot more about this technology nowadays. Using a story that happened a couple decades ago to prove your point isn't very persuasive.


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## DragonflyBlue (Oct 21, 2003)

Please don't presume to know as much or more than women who have actually gone through ART's such as IVF. It's rather insulting.

Yes, in the beginning of any new treatment there will be trials and errors. Chemo did not start out as a bed of roses. It still isn't. Same with any type of medical advance. Some will go through hell in order for others to benefit.

I did three cycles of IFV. The first was cancelled due to my ovaries not wanting to function. I was devastated. I took to my bed for a few days. Yes, I knew the risks. I knew the odds were against me. But I believed.. I had faith.. And my body failed me. Science failed me. I was angry. But I knew beforehand. Informed consent. I knew. Yet I believed the odds would be in *my* favor.

Second go round, 9 eggs, three crappy embryos. Again, I knew the odds. I was informed. I gave consent. Yet when I was not pregnant, I was left with siilar feelings to the canceled cycle.

Third go round. How much more informed consent can one have? I knew it all. The possible risks of cancer - I took them - knowing that uterine and ovarian cancer killed my grandmother and great-grandmother. I pumped myself full of 12 amps a day. 6 in the morning, 6 in the evening. The most I had ever taken. I was a hormonal mess.

We got 5 eggs. Three fertilized. One was crappy. Two were good. Put all three in. We won the jackpot. Twins.

I have endometriosis, PCOS, bleed like a stuck pig for months on end. (worse after the IVF) I'm having a hysterectomy on the 24th of next month. Did all the hormones make everything worse? Possibly. But I knew the risks. I took them.

As another poster said, unless you have been to the pits of despair that infertility brings, you just do not know what it is like.

Applejuice, you lost your husband. A terrible loss that no wife should have to endure. Especially not until old age has taken it's toll. I've lost a daughter. We both know this pain inside out. Walk with it each and every moment of our days. But even though our losses are similar, they are not the same. We lost different loves, different hopes, different dreams. For me to say that because I've had some hard experiences I can totally relate to yours is wrong. I have not been in your shoes. I cannot know. I might imagine, but even that would not come close.

There are aspects of our loss and grief that may be similar, but that is where it ends.

The loss of ones fertility is different as well. And until one has been in the midst of the same hell, one cannot understand. One may empathize, but they cannot truly understand.

Janis


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elowyn*
If you haven't needed infertility treatment, you have NO idea what it's like. I don't care what other traumas you've had - it's a different one altogether.

.









ITA. infertility is TRULY in a class by itself. no one who hasn't been through it can possibly begin to understand.

I always wanted to do one round of egg donation exactly because I knew what it felt like to want to conceive and not be able to. now that I've had my baby, I also have the reason for my miscarriages- I have a chromosome disorder. no one would touch my eggs with a 10 ft pole. ah well.

Ironically, if I ever wanted to have another child, my best bet would be an egg donor. (I can never adopt due to a stupid indicent in my teens that landed me a felony conviction). thankfully, there are people out there willing to do this. if it helps them go to the college of their dreams or if it helps them pay medical bills for a loved one, all the better.

yes, there is risk. but there is also clearly benefit.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FreeThinkinMama*
Why should I read your book? Obviously you didn't bother reading what anyone else had to say.

It is not my book. I read all of other other posts.

Quote:

When I took fertility drugs I knew about the risks, they were worth it to me.
Did your doctor tell you that most (not all) of the women who have fertility problems, acquired those problems iatrogenically?

Quote:

If someone decides to donate their eggs, whether the doctor tells them of the risks or not they should be educated enough to do their own research and give their decision careful thought. Just because something carries a risk though doesn't mean that will be the outcome. Being pregnant carries a risk of death, heck driving a car carries a risk of death.
There is a risk in crossing a street also, but I always look both ways - I would never cross a street blindfolded. Every risk a person takes should be an informed, calculated risk, not emotional.

Quote:

The first test tube baby was how many decades agi ago?
Louise Brown was born August 1979. She is 26 and one half years old. So is the technology.

Quote:

We know a lot more about this technology nowadays. Using a story that happened a couple decades ago to prove your point isn't very persuasive.
The reason I suggested reading the book is not to demonstrate anything about reproductive technology, but to point out to you how little information Lesley Brown was given about the treatments she was receiving.

Since you have already been fully informed about all of the risks/benefits, that is o.k.


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## cynotgirl (Jul 6, 2005)

I personally wish more couples would adopt in lieu of IVF. I TOTALLY understand the urge to have "your" baby, and I myself have a baby dh and I "made the old fashioned way" so I feel like I can't understand the plight of the other side. But, there are soooo many babies/children in need of homes! DH and I will not "make" any more kids, and are considering adoption. I think that if your body is reluctant to make or grow a child, then use that as an oppurtunity to look at the needs of _another_ life, a life who needs nurturing, love and a family.

I have a friend who did many rounds of IVF and now has a beautiful baby girl. I am so happy for her and her family, but honestly, I wished all along she would just adopt! All the money she spent, what her body went through... and there are many beautiful and precious lives already in need! I never shared that with her, though, as I don't think it was my place.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Quote:

Applejuice, you lost your husband.
We all lose something in this life; no one leaves this life getting all of the things they want, and this is not the proper forum for this statement.

I only want to reach out to women who are desperate to become mothers to keep their minds, eyes and ears open.

I know the lawyer who wrote the Surrogacy Law in California, and some of the doctors he was using in his surrogacy service have lost their license to practice medicine through gross malpractice and have left the country.

Yet this lawyer considers himself a pioneer of sorts.

He never thought it was right to pay the surrogate; he thinks that women should rent their wombs for free and not even get a mention on the birth certificate. How can anyone do decent research on this procedure if half of the information is never recorded?


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## FreeThinkinMama (Aug 3, 2004)

Why should only infertile couples be persuaded to adopt? Why not say that you wish everyone would adopt instead of getting pg?


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FreeThinkinMama*
Why not say that you wish everyone would adopt instead of getting pg?

Not nice to put words in my mouth.

I never said that.

I do not mean that.


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## FreeThinkinMama (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice*
We all lose something in this life; no one leaves this life getting all of the things they want, and this is not the proper forum for this statement.

I only want to reach out to women who are desperate to become mothers to keep their minds, eyes and ears open.

I know the lawyer who wrote the Surrogacy Law in California, and some of the doctors he was using in his surrogacy service have lost their license to practice medicine through gross malpractice and have left the country.

Yet this lawyer considers himself a pioneer of sorts.

He never thought it was right to pay the surrogate; he thinks that women should rent their wombs for free and not even get a mention on the birth certificate. How can anyone do decent research on this procedure if half of the information is never recorded?

I disagree, I think she hit the nail on the head there, just because you've been through traumas in your life doesn't mean you know the trauma of infertility, any more then you know other types of trauma. I've had a miscarriage but that doesn't mean I know what it's like to lose my spouse, they're not the same thing. I've gone through infertility but I don't know what it's like to adopt a child. I can research the topic all I want but first hand experience is different then reading about something.

I don't see why surrogates shouldn't be compensated, they are putting their bodies through a lot and it's not even for themselves. Of course it would be a a man who would think that women should "rent their wombs for free."


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## DragonflyBlue (Oct 21, 2003)

Quote:

I personally wish more couples would adopt in lieu of IVF. I TOTALLY understand the urge to have "your" baby, and I myself have a baby dh and I "made the old fashioned way" so I feel like I can't understand the plight of the other side. But, there are soooo many babies/children in need of homes! DH and I will not "make" any more kids, and are considering adoption. I think that if your body is reluctant to make or grow a child, then use that as an oppurtunity to look at the needs of another life, a life who needs nurturing, love and a family.
We did try to adopt years ago. Having my son ripped from my arms and heart because the bio-mom changed her mind was nothing I ever wanted to go through again. If I could not have a child, it would be due to my body's failure and science's failure. It would not be because some crack head drunk thought the extra money she got from welfare would change her life changed her mind. (no, not ALL birthmoms are like this, just the one we were dealing with) Our adoption situation was not ideal from the get go but it was a chance to have a child. Losing my son was heartwrenching. Standing by and seeing his life destroyed when we could have offered him at least a fighting chance was even more so.

I could not go through the potential loss again.

Adoption is not a cure all. It can take years. And it is expensive. It's also not an adoption available for everyone.

We could not adopt when we went through IVF. There was no way. No judge would have approved it. No agency would have taken us on. IVF gave us the only chance to have another child. Selfish? Maybe. But no more slefish than those who are fertile and rather than adopt, gestate.

Janis


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

well, unfortunately, if people could "just" adopt, they probably would more often. it is a common misconception that adoption is easier and less selfish than infertility treatments. certainly part of going through the treatment is the desire to experience pregnancy and have biological children- and pregnancy CANNOT be brushed off as unimportant by people who so easily had it when they wanted it. it is an unbelievably special, sacred thing.

but you can't just call any old adoption agency and say "well, we tried for a year, it ain't working, we're ready for our healthy perfect white baby!" there are so, so many obstacles. first of all, most adoptions in the US are open adoptions, meaning the birthparents have the right to keep in contact with the adoptive family and child. this may sound minor to some people, but to others, this is a huge problem. Yes- sometimes it works out wonderfully and everyone gets along and helps fulfill each other's lives. But some couples are dismayed by the idea that they have to share personal information about the chlid they are raising, THEIR child, with a biological parent.

Secondly, if I am not mistaken, the average cost of adoption is over $20,000. Do you have that much money laying around? Neither do I. IVF can be from $4,000 to $7,000. And for the many couples who do not need IVF, but require some fertility assistance there are much cheaper options.

Even if you can scrape up the 20 grand, now someone is going to come into your home, into your life, and dig through every detail. Are you single? Are you gay? Do you have a Rottweiler? Do you live in a two bedroom apartment? Did you drop out of high school? Do you have a criminal record? Is there anything, anywhere in your past, present or future that would make you look like an unfit parent? because if there is, you might not pass inpection and you aren't getting a baby. Not to mention that the majority of infants placed for adoption are not healthy newborns. Many are minorites (I wouldn't care in the least, but MANY people do), born addicted to drugs, have a medical problem or at best an unknown family medical history.

Adoption is a WONDERFUL beautiful thing. I would absolutely love to adopt someday. But I got in a fight in a pool hall when I was 18 yrs old with a 30 year old woman who called me a slut because I was wearing high heels. I was convicted of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon because I hit her with my *shoe*. Now unless I pay the additional thousands of $$ to try to have that expunged from my record, I wouldn't have a chance in hell of adopting.

International adoption is another option that carries with it most of the above problems plus the added waiting, it can be several years before the adoption goes through. Years of empty, longing, heartwrenching pain while people around you go on to have their second and third children.

it is very common for people receiving infertility treatment to hear the phrase "why don't you just adopt?" please think about this question. it's not like adopting a kitten from the animal shelter. Infertility is a medical condition and like other medical conditions deserves to be treated with the best technology available. Please don't judge other's choices in how they become a parent, whether it is through adoption, IVF, gestational surrogacy, egg donation, etc. Believe me- they have thought long and hard about their options.


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## charmcitymama (Jul 6, 2005)

I think it is a job for the younger, less hormonal, and extremely desperate for cash...you know, someone who can spring back faster then me. There is no way I could put myself through that and try to live my life and raising my kids.


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## Elowyn (Nov 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice*
Did your doctor tell you that most (not all) of the women who have fertility problems, acquired those problems iatrogenically?

Honestly, cite some sort of plausible source for this ludicrous statement. A real, statistically sound source, please, not someone's opinion that all fertility problems (or "most") are created by health care practitioners?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice*
There is a risk in crossing a street also, but I always look both ways - I would never cross a street blindfolded. Every risk a person takes should be an informed, calculated risk, not emotional.

True enough. Hence the very clear explanation of risks by JanisB above. And of course, anyone pursuing egg donation further would receive another clear explanation of risks.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice*
She is 26 and one half years old. So is the technology.

Are you seriously suggesting that, despite the advances in every other field of technology in the past 27 years, IVF is still precisely the same? If so, you're even more poorly informed than I thought. Do some research, please, before you go spouting these inane comments. (And again, I mean actual research of the actual procedures - not a book you read somewhere that was written by a biased author.)

As for you, cynotgirl, I'm sorry you feel that it's your role to tell us "infertiles" that we should "just adopt." Janis and FreeThinkinMama and bri276 have given great reasons why that's just not easy. Nevermind the fact that until you've had the experience of not being able to be pregnant (for weeks, months, years on end) you have no idea what it's like to desire that desperately. It's about the baby, certainly - but it's also about the pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding process.


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## DragonflyBlue (Oct 21, 2003)

Quote:

I think it is a job for the younger, less hormonal, and extremely desperate for cash...you know, someone who can spring back faster then me. There is no way I could put myself through that and try to live my life and raising my kids.






































Why am I laughing?

I was 36 when I went through IVF. I did not think of myself as old. I was still a spring chicken!

Then I did our third cycle, our oldest daughter passed away, our oldest son moved out, got married, announced he and his wife were pregnant. I gave birth to my twins when I was 37.

I quickly realized I was old. Old, old, old, old old. Too dang old for this new mom to two stuff!

I still feel that way most days. I have nowhere near the energy I had when I had my first, nor my sixth.

No more! I give! I'm old! HAHAHAAA (40 next month! YIKES!)

Janis


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

Wow... I had no idea it would go like this! I'm still not sure where I stand. Part of me feels like one of the pps did. It's part my kid. You better BF, co-sleep, no vax, no circ, no spanking, etc. Another part of me thinks... hmmmm wouldn't that money help! And yet another (less selfish) part of me looks at my beautiful daughter and thinks... I could give someone that joy. What do I need all these darn eggs for?! I could make someones dreams come true! Ugh. And then the drugs... soooo not sure about them. It's not something I'm thinking of doing tomorrow... unless my closest friend or family member says "yo, give me an egg".







Thanks for the insights.


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## FreeThinkinMama (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bri276*
well, unfortunately, if people could "just" adopt, they probably would more often. it is a common misconception that adoption is easier and less selfish than infertility treatments. certainly part of going through the treatment is the desire to experience pregnancy and have biological children- and pregnancy CANNOT be brushed off as unimportant by people who so easily had it when they wanted it. it is an unbelievably special, sacred thing.

but you can't just call any old adoption agency and say "well, we tried for a year, it ain't working, we're ready for our healthy perfect white baby!" there are so, so many obstacles. first of all, most adoptions in the US are open adoptions, meaning the birthparents have the right to keep in contact with the adoptive family and child. this may sound minor to some people, but to others, this is a huge problem. Yes- sometimes it works out wonderfully and everyone gets along and helps fulfill each other's lives. But some couples are dismayed by the idea that they have to share personal information about the chlid they are raising, THEIR child, with a biological parent.

Secondly, if I am not mistaken, the average cost of adoption is over $20,000. Do you have that much money laying around? Neither do I. IVF can be from $4,000 to $7,000. And for the many couples who do not need IVF, but require some fertility assistance there are much cheaper options.

Even if you can scrape up the 20 grand, now someone is going to come into your home, into your life, and dig through every detail. Are you single? Are you gay? Do you have a Rottweiler? Do you live in a two bedroom apartment? Did you drop out of high school? Do you have a criminal record? Is there anything, anywhere in your past, present or future that would make you look like an unfit parent? because if there is, you might not pass inpection and you aren't getting a baby. Not to mention that the majority of infants placed for adoption are not healthy newborns. Many are minorites (I wouldn't care in the least, but MANY people do), born addicted to drugs, have a medical problem or at best an unknown family medical history.

Adoption is a WONDERFUL beautiful thing. I would absolutely love to adopt someday. But I got in a fight in a pool hall when I was 18 yrs old with a 30 year old woman who called me a slut because I was wearing high heels. I was convicted of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon because I hit her with my *shoe*. Now unless I pay the additional thousands of $$ to try to have that expunged from my record, I wouldn't have a chance in hell of adopting.

International adoption is another option that carries with it most of the above problems plus the added waiting, it can be several years before the adoption goes through. Years of empty, longing, heartwrenching pain while people around you go on to have their second and third children.

it is very common for people receiving infertility treatment to hear the phrase "why don't you just adopt?" please think about this question. it's not like adopting a kitten from the animal shelter. Infertility is a medical condition and like other medical conditions deserves to be treated with the best technology available. Please don't judge other's choices in how they become a parent, whether it is through adoption, IVF, gestational surrogacy, egg donation, etc. Believe me- they have thought long and hard about their options.


So true! Just looking into foster parenting we got a taste of what you're talking about as far as invasive questions go. Adoption was just too expensive and IVF may have been too, i was under the impression that it cost over 10k for just one shot and there were no guarantees it would even work. Adoption was even more than that. I had so many people tell me to relax and I would get pregnant, or tell me stories about people who adopted and then found out they were pregnant. It's hard to relax when you're facing the possibility of being childless when you want a child very badly. And adopting a child isn't easy, I guess I'm selfish but I wanted to experience pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding my baby knowing that my husband and I created him or her from our love. Just like everyone else. Adopting would have meant giving up on those dreams, just like using a donor egg or a surrogate would in a way. It's hard to put into words the heartache that infertility causes. It's not right to tell infertilite couples to just adopt, as if that's an easy decision and process.


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## isulari (Feb 18, 2002)

.


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## djs_girl517 (Feb 29, 2004)

Can someone please explain to me why people who have NEVER EXPERIENCED fertility problems think it is okay to tell us "infertiles" how to feel/deal with it/move on/whatever?????

Why can people not accept that infertility is a pain you CANNOT understand if you haven't experienced it?????

Why do people who have no concept of this anguish think they have the answers?

"Just adopt" you say. How dare you? How dare you minimize the heart-engulfing, life-consuming desire to have a biological child? How dare you sit there on your fertile high horse and suggest others shouldn't have the same life-altering experience you yourself enjoyed without having to put much thought into it. How dare you imply (and sometimes outright say) that infertility treatments are selfish? How dare you have an opinion about a pain you cannot comprehend?

After trying for over 2 years, DH and I have stepped off the TTC/Infertility rollercoaster. We have a diagnosis, we tried IUI. We opted out of IVF. We have decided to foster and eventually adopt. Have we given up on ever having biological children? No, and we never will.

We decided that fostering/adopting was a better option for our family than IVF. Even after having survived infertility; even after deciding to take the route we have - I would _*NEVER*_ presume to tell someone else what choices they should make and how to travel this broken road. I would _*NEVER*_ have the audacity, the unmitigated gall, to even think that I might know the right answers better than the person forced to make the decision.

And I've been through this pain. I know all too well the agony that is infertility.

To the OP: I really don't know what all is involved in egg donation other than what I've read from women who've done it or IVF. What I do know is that egg donation is an incomparable gift. An amazing gift for those who are able to do it. But also don't feel bad if you ultimately decide not to. Not everyone is physically or emotionally able to give that gift. Be very honest with yourself about whether you will be okay physically and emotionally.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *charmcitymama*
There is no way I could put myself through that and try to live my life and raising my kids.

Lesley Brown had a daughter at home she was raising when she was undergoing her fertility regiments.

She repeated it and had a second daughter.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Okay.

Now that this is my forum...we have some rules.

Stick to the topic - thoughts on egg donation.

If someone disagrees - it doesn't mean that they are saying it shouldn't happen, or personally attacking you. If someone agrees - it doesn't mean they don't know the risks, and haven't been educated.

Let's stick to giving our opinions about the subject - NOT about the women who donate, or women who go through infertility treatments, or whether or not everyone should adopt.

This is a tough subject for a lot of people. And for a lot of women on this forum, the possibility looms large that egg donation may be the only way they can get pregnant. Just as adoption being they only way they may have a child.

So, be respectful of each other. Give the women on this forum, who are smart and well-read, some credit for what they feel is right for them. Stick to discussing what is YOUR CHOICE and right for you.

As I said - these threads can get heated - it is clear that Irishmommy has already removed some posts.

I will close this thread the if it gets ugly again.


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## tricia80 (Oct 28, 2003)

i used to think i wanted to when i was young...

but dealing with infertility at 25 and all the drugs i have been on i dont think anyone wants my eggies... but i do believe it is a wonderful gift...


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## cynotgirl (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JanisB*
We did try to adopt years ago. Having my son ripped from my arms and heart because the bio-mom changed her mind was nothing I ever wanted to go through again. If I could not have a child, it would be due to my body's failure and science's failure. It would not be because some crack head drunk thought the extra money she got from welfare would change her life changed her mind. (no, not ALL birthmoms are like this, just the one we were dealing with) Our adoption situation was not ideal from the get go but it was a chance to have a child. Losing my son was heartwrenching. Standing by and seeing his life destroyed when we could have offered him at least a fighting chance was even more so.

I could not go through the potential loss again.

Adoption is not a cure all. It can take years. And it is expensive. It's also not an adoption available for everyone.

We could not adopt when we went through IVF. There was no way. No judge would have approved it. No agency would have taken us on. IVF gave us the only chance to have another child. Selfish? Maybe. But no more slefish than those who are fertile and rather than adopt, gestate.

Janis

You know, I didn't realize how hard it is. I knew a little but honestly didn't consider the emotional implications. The only people I know either were adopted in the 70's, when things were different as I understand, or have adopted kids from overseas.

I'm sorry that happened, and happens so much. I wish there could be a change in this country!









I'm sorry if I offended anyone, that is never my intention.


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## colobus237 (Feb 2, 2004)

I think the ethics and emotions of egg donation are quite a bit different from the ethics and emotions of infertility treatments.
An infertile couple might well choose to accept risks to their health in order to achieve a pregnancy, with full informed consent, because conceiving a child is so deeply important to them. To me that is quite a bit different from a poor young woman "choosing" to accept major health risks for cash. Which is different from a woman choosing to accept major health risks to donate eggs to a friend or sister (I think this is rarer than the paid donor scenario?).
As a young white woman with the requisite SAT scores and at times a desperate need for money - the thought has crossed my mind. But my religious beliefs (Catholic) won't allow for it or any artificial reproduction, and I wouldn't feel okay about my genetic children being out there somewhere, and I don't want to put my own future fertility at risk.
I wonder about informed consent and college-aged egg donors. When they say "yes, in exchange for 3000 dollars, I will put my health and future fertility at risk," are they honestly able to put a value on their future fertility at that point? Assuming that they are unmarried, young, not really thinking about it seriously? I think the potential for exploitation and harm is great.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Well, having seen the forms for egg donation and IVF - having seen the counseling intake forms for both - I would say that yes, if a woman chooses to not read, or not take seriously the risks - then the chance for exploitation is great. Docs take this very seriously and are far more likely to inform someone donating repeatedly of the risks, than they are someone going through IVF. I havve personally known several women who needed/wanted the money - got to the part where they detail what you have to do and the risks and decided it was too much for them. So, women do back out of it. I don't think that egg donation is presented as a quick, easy way to make money by ANYONE involved. If it were presented as such, then I see the possibility of exploitation being greater, but as it stand, you have to really want to do it to get through all the stuff.

It is interesting to me the different sides of the compensation argument. In Canada - they do not allow for compensation. Here they do. In some ways I agree that paying someone can set up a weird relationship, and cause problems of potential exploitation. However, I also think that if a woman is willing to give that much of herself then she should be compensated.

All in all, it is an interesting discussion.


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## heldt123 (Aug 5, 2004)

Sorry for digging up an old thread...but does anyone have a good link to the risks of egg donation? One that tells about the whole procedure and all the side effects? The sites I'm looking at just don't give enough detail.

I'd appreciate it, thanks!


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Truthfully, the best place to get info would be via the clinic. Discuss it one of the doctors.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

A good friend of mine just donated for the 3rd time. Once for a friend and 2x just to donate and help another mom. She has 2 beautiful daughters but also lost a baby at 23 weeks and took 2 yrs to get pregnant. Her views are that if she helps one person to have the joy of a child she has done a good thing. She said she will have to be upfront w/ her daughters to make sure when they marry they find out IF the potiental spouse was a donerIVF baby first. I think she donated 19 this last time ( 5 had O'd before the retrieval procedure). She dontated through Shady Grove fertility center in MD. Here are the requirements
between the age of 21-33
good general health
within normal weight range
non- smoker
residing in Maryland, Virginia, DC, WV, or PA.

I think she was pd. 4500 she said she may do it again ( after she has another child)


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

Personally, I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't be comfortable doing the required drugs and procedures. That's one of the reasons I was a rapid infertility treatment dropout and moved right on to adoption. But this is an intensely personal decision and what was unbearable for me might be just fine for someone else.

However, I'm all for women who want to do it. I think it is a wonderful thing to do, and I don't have any problem with people being compensated for their time and inconvenience.

I have a beautiful nephew who is now 10 years old who was conceived via donor egg. I am very grateful to the woman who decided to donate her eggs to my SIL and brother.


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## Kmarie (May 13, 2003)

I tried to donate eggs once, believing that even those with limited resources should be able conceive and feeling that I was young enough and fit enough to help out someone looking to be a mother but unable do to biology - unfortunately, my body responded to the hormones by overproducing eggs and after three weeks into the process, the Dr. overseeing the process stopped my donation (my ovaries were producing so many eggs that the Dr. was afraid that they were too large and would flip causing me potential damage to my ability to conceive myself once I was ready). It was a VERY trying experience. My husband had to give me shots in my stomach every night and I to take a nasal spray every day as well. I was a hormal reck, crying on the drop of the hat, experiencing EXTREME headaches, and had bruised arms from the constant bloodwork.

Nevertheless, it would have been worth it if the experience would have come to fruition for the recipient. I still feel bad when I think of the recipient (it was an anonymous donation) who was also suffering through the same experience (our cycles had to be in sync and thus some hopeful woman was going through the same rollercoaster of hormones along with all her excitement for the future) waiting to receive an egg (and thus a potential pregnancy) ...

I am not sure how I would feel donating to someone I had to watch parenting my donation, and took comfort knowing that I would never see the baby that I helped conceive. I, however, believe that someone trying so hard to have a baby will likely be a thoughtful parent and we need more of those out there.

good luck to anyone trying this experience ...


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## mfp02 (Jan 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kmarie*
I tried to donate eggs once, believing that even those with limited resources should be able conceive and feeling that I was young enough and fit enough to help out someone looking to be a mother but unable do to biology - unfortunately, my body responded to the hormones by overproducing eggs and after three weeks into the process, the Dr. overseeing the process stopped my donation (my ovaries were producing so many eggs that the Dr. was afraid that they were too large and would flip causing me potential damage to my ability to conceive myself once I was ready). It was a VERY trying experience. My husband had to give me shots in my stomach every night and I to take a nasal spray every day as well. I was a hormal reck, crying on the drop of the hat, experiencing EXTREME headaches, and had bruised arms from the constant bloodwork.

Nevertheless, it would have been worth it if the experience would have come to fruition for the recipient. I still feel bad when I think of the recipient (it was an anonymous donation) who was also suffering through the same experience (our cycles had to be in sync and thus some hopeful woman was going through the same rollercoaster of hormones along with all her excitement for the future) waiting to receive an egg (and thus a potential pregnancy) ...

I am not sure how I would feel donating to someone I had to watch parenting my donation, and took comfort knowing that I would never see the baby that I helped conceive. I, however, believe that someone trying so hard to have a baby will likely be a thoughtful parent and we need more of those out there.

good luck to anyone trying this experience ...

I am curious - was the RE not watching you for OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) frequently via ultrasounds? I know it can happen in the blink of an eye, but it seems many stories about OHSS are due to an RE not doing enough u/s's.









{{HUGS}} to you!

I personally am thinking about donating my eggs in a few years. Right now I am going to be doing a surrogacy. But if the couple is okay with the idea (I feel I should ask, since I am doing traditional surrogacy for them), I will donate my eggs in the future as well if I decide too.


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## Kmarie (May 13, 2003)

Yes, I was getting daily ultrasounds, and was being watched closely, that is why they stopped my hormones. It was a few years back and I can't remember what the dr. said when he stopped it, other than he was worried that my ovaries were getting too large. On the ultrasound my follicles were HUGE.

Best of luck to you,
k.


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