# Some New Faces? -- Lurkers



## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

So there seems to be a fair number of new names popping up, how about introducing yourself, tell us what brought you here and how you came to this subject. Give as much or as little info as you want.







I just thought it might be interesting.


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

I'll jump in and say hi









I started researching circ when pg with my first, who was a surprise but turned out to be a girl







Now I'm pg with my third, who is a boy, and just started running into the comments from other people.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I'm lurking!

I'm goBecgo. I'm in the UK. Because i am surrounded by uncirc'd men i have always been vaguely horrified with the idea that a whole society so similar to my own would routinely do it, so i suppose i lurk to read about you all fighting the good fight for all those little boys. It's strange to think of people having such strong beliefs about amputating a little baby's genitals in an educated country - i know that sounds weird and judgemental but it's late and i'm a bit clumsy with it. It's almost like hearing someone say the world is flat, i feel like "wow, do they REALLY believe that!?" because it's been many decades since routine circ'ing happened over here, there is NO segment of society that would ever think this was necessary/a good idea. I literally know NO little UK boys who aren't intact.

My dad was circ'd late due to repeated infections and scarring because his parents used forced retraction to "clean" him. His brother (20months younger) is intact so they obviously learned their lesson thank goodness!

I tend to post on AUstralian sites a lot too, and they also still have a circ'ing culture (it's slowly changing) and i like to post the link to The Prepuce video as it's such a great piece with all one needs to know.


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

I'm a lurker! I'm trying to learn what I can right now in case we have a boy. I didn't even realize there was such a movement about it until our Bradley instructor brought it up. My oldest sis has 3 circ'ed boys. With the last one she said she was really hoping for a girl so she didn't have to go through with it again...made me kind of wonder why you had to do it, but didn't think too much about it.

I actually watched her 2nd son get circ'ed...they do it in the nursery at the hospital she delivered at in plain sight of the viewing windows. Kinda crazy, I know. And yes, it was hard to see. They strapped him to a little board that held all his limbs still and draped a paper sheet over his whole body that had a little hole in it for the penis to stick through. I don't remember what they did for pain relief if anything.







It makes me sad to think back on it now that I'm more educated.

Lurking here has totally changed my mind about circ'ing! Thanks ladies!


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## tennisdude23 (Apr 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I'm lurking!

I'm goBecgo. I'm in the UK. Because i am surrounded by uncirc'd men i have always been vaguely horrified with the idea that a whole society so similar to my own would routinely do it, so i suppose i lurk to read about you all fighting the good fight for all those little boys. It's strange to think of people having such strong beliefs about amputating a little baby's genitals in an educated country - i know that sounds weird and judgemental but it's late and i'm a bit clumsy with it. It's almost like hearing someone say the world is flat, i feel like "wow, do they REALLY believe that!?" because it's been many decades since routine circ'ing happened over here, there is NO segment of society that would ever think this was necessary/a good idea. I literally know NO little UK boys who aren't intact.

My dad was circ'd late due to repeated infections and scarring because his parents used forced retraction to "clean" him. His brother (20months younger) is intact so they obviously learned their lesson thank goodness!

I tend to post on AUstralian sites a lot too, and they also still have a circ'ing culture (it's slowly changing) and i like to post the link to The Prepuce video as it's such a great piece with all one needs to know.

You know I feel the exact same way. As an intact guy, whenever I hear people saying the most ridiculous things about circumcision to me it's indeed like saying the world is flat. By the way, in Australia circumcision for the most part has died out and the majority of guys in my generation are intact. What's interesting and encouraging about the US situation is that a big chunk of the population has rejected the procedure. I tend to find that the younger generations as well as people from well educated and diverse backgrounds are most likely to question and reject circumcision.


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## Unconventional1 (Apr 3, 2006)

I guess I am a lurker on this board- but I post in other forums in MDC. I became very natural living centered and adopted the "if it aint broke don't fix it" attitude about the body, so for me when I started planning a family it was a no-brainer. But I did bring it up to DH (you know the if we have a boy, what do you think....) and that was when he told me he could vaguely remember the pain of his circ, and that he has pain issues with the scar. He also has a very tight circ, so he has issues with his skin being too taught when he is erect causing a host of pain and irritation issues.

So that cemented it for me, but then I found this board, and really learned some things! I watched a horrific circ video and was convinced that not only is this wrong but torture, and a human rights violation- so I speak out against it whenever I have the opportunity.

Thank you MDC for this awesome forum, and to all the posters with their great collective wisdom!


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## tutucrazy (Dec 30, 2008)

I just wanted to pop in and welcome you all! Thanks for sharing!!!


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Well, welcome to you all, I'll take a quick turn. For those who don't know, like Tennisdude, I too am an intact guy, in the US; we do exist.







And thanks to the efforts of great parents like those here, there are more and more. There are a few others like Tennisdude and I and our hope is to give that perspective and perhaps give insight on questions that only we know. For those lurkers and new folks always know you can ask me anything you want either publicly or PM.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *an_aurora* 
I'll jump in and say hi









I started researching circ when pg with my first, who was a surprise but turned out to be a girl







Now I'm pg with my third, who is a boy, and just started running into the comments from other people.

Welcome Aurora, how are those comments going?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I'm lurking!

I'm goBecgo. I'm in the UK.

I tend to post on AUstralian sites a lot too, and they also still have a circ'ing culture (it's slowly changing) and i like to post the link to The Prepuce video as it's such a great piece with all one needs to know.

GoBecGo, don't even get me started. I live here and I can't believe it. Things are getting better little by little. I think you'll find Americans shocked that no one else does this but even that revelation isn't usually enough. As for the Australians, I think things are well under control there. I agree with TennissDude and the boards that I've seen don't seem to support circumcision too much. There are still people doing it but it's much reduced. Not perfect but they'll get there.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
I'm a lurker! I'm trying to learn what I can right now in case we have a boy. I didn't even realize there was such a movement about it until our Bradley instructor brought it up. My oldest sis has 3 circ'ed boys. With the last one she said she was really hoping for a girl so she didn't have to go through with it again...made me kind of wonder why you had to do it, but didn't think too much about it.

I actually watched her 2nd son get circ'ed...they do it in the nursery at the hospital she delivered at in plain sight of the viewing windows. Kinda crazy, I know. And yes, it was hard to see. They strapped him to a little board that held all his limbs still and draped a paper sheet over his whole body that had a little hole in it for the penis to stick through. I don't remember what they did for pain relief if anything.







It makes me sad to think back on it now that I'm more educated.

Lurking here has totally changed my mind about circ'ing! Thanks ladies!

That is a real problem the visibility isn't as good as it can be. That's why it's important to discuss it as often as possible. And to do so in as non confrontational a way as possible. As you know, not everyone knows the facts. I am glad we have helped you I hope you'll be able to help others.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Unconventional1* 
I guess I am a lurker on this board- but I post in other forums in MDC. I became very natural living centered and adopted the "if it aint broke don't fix it" attitude about the body, so for me when I started planning a family it was a no-brainer. But I did bring it up to DH (you know the if we have a boy, what do you think....) and that was when he told me he could vaguely remember the pain of his circ, and that he has pain issues with the scar. He also has a very tight circ, so he has issues with his skin being too taught when he is erect causing a host of pain and irritation issues.

So that cemented it for me, but then I found this board, and really learned some things! I watched a horrific circ video and was convinced that not only is this wrong but torture, and a human rights violation- so I speak out against it whenever I have the opportunity.

Thank you MDC for this awesome forum, and to all the posters with their great collective wisdom!

You know, I think 'problems' of various kinds are more common than we think. But like all things sexually related, people aren't comfortable talking about it. Changing that could really help us.


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## ChickFamily (Jul 9, 2006)

Well Im Angela and mother to a son who is circed







a daughter







and then another son who is intact







. I came here basically to learn more about circs and intact penis's. I was soo naive about an intact penis, I have never seen one in real life (well besides my newborn boys) and I did not realize that when an intact penis is erect it looks like a circed penis....which led me to think then wth do we cut the foreskin off!!! Anyway Im learning a lot and slowly trying to get over the guilt from my first son and learn more and more about why being intact is how it is meant to be


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## robertandenith (Apr 1, 2008)

welcome to you all!!! thanks so much for coming out, please stay with us and chat away...


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

i cric'ed my first boy. i was 19 and not educated about it. it was something that was done. but when i was 30 and i was preg again, i started thinking about it. i still wasnt informed and prob would have done it again. thank goodness DD was a girl. since she was born i found MDC. i am now preg again. i dont know if it is a boy or girl yet, but have already informed DH circ is not an option. b/c of my lurking I feel very informed on care of an intact penis. which in my opinion sounds a whole lot easier than care of a newly circ'ed one. B/c of MDC I stood up to my DH who has since dropped the issue. if it is a boy MDC saved his skin. literally.


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## LittleBeauty'sMom (May 4, 2009)

I guess I should say "hi" as well. I'm a 23 year old mama to a beautiful 15 month old DD. I ran across some circ talk on a similar community online. I was intrigued by what was said so I went to DH to talk about it, just asked general stuff ya know "why does everyone do it" "what's your thoughts on it" blah blah. Of course he was for circ'ing and let me know that we would circ our sons if we have some oneday. So I began researching, brought some research to him, and then told him to think about it. Some days later he let me know that if we ever had a son he would be left intact! I began feeling strongly about the issue, it bothered me that people could be doing this due to lack to education(I would have been that person if I hadn't ran up on this stuff). So I decide to speak up about it, talk with my family (who is shockingly on my side, most said that regret circ'ing their boys) I also wrote up a fact sheet that went out to the local OBGYN in my town for new moms about circ'ing. I lurk often in hopes of helping someone or educating myself further. So, hello everyone!


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## AnalogWife (Sep 8, 2007)

Hello...sometimes I post, but mostly I lurk. I get a warm fuzzy knowing that we made the RIGHT decision for our son, born May 2007. I had a very mainstream pregnancy, I barely even knew about the circ wars----I knew it was a "concern" to some, but I didn't realize how committed people were to defending their side. Mainstream me left it up to my DH to decide. He said that we don't belong to a religion that circs, so therefore there was no reason for it. DH is intact himself---was born in Europe to European mother/American father. I admit, I was a little nervous to ask him because we didn't discuss his penis much, coming to the US when he was 4 I didn't know if "being different" was a source of anxiety for him, I had previous boyfriends who were a little self-conscious about their intact state, which sucks! I was in school in Canada when I dated an intact Canadian, and he was most proud of his physique, it was so refreshing!







Here, it's "shallow-woman repellent" and I hate that it's an issue at all!

It wasn't until DS was 4 months old that I found these boards and realized the depth of this decision and I am SO happy my DH had the foresight to know!







: I pretty much didn't care either way, until I saw 30 seconds of the Jeannine Lauber circ documentary on youtube. She cautioned that some of the images were disturbing, and then it cut to a SCREAMING baby boy in agony and dispair and I had to turn it off. My heart still hurts over it. No one could ever convince me to do that to any baby.









ETA: When the topic comes up, which is rarely, I do mention to PG mainstream friends that I too would have circ'd if my DH said we should have. But that now that I've seen a glimpse of that video, it's made a difference on our daily lives that our son wasn't circ'd, that it was the most important parental choice we've made this far. I really want to hit it home that I understand where they're coming from, but that this is a v. serious matter, particularly for a mother's heart.


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## SwanValkyrie (Apr 20, 2009)

I'm guilty of lurking! My only child is a girl but I was only slightly conscious of the debate until I came to these boards. I already knew that I wouldn't have it done if dd had been a boy because of my Pagan beliefs (let nature be!). My husband took some convincing (relatively little, actually). Thankfully I didn't have to show him any videos, I couldn't even sit through it. He was mostly just worried that I would find his penis unattractive or mutilated. Which I do not, btw









I was very much enlightened and informed by these threads, you intactivists are doing an excellent and noble thing







: Thank you so much for fighting the good fight!


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## Momma2Kai (Apr 8, 2009)

nak-

I've lurked for the past few months. My 16 month old is intact and I love to read these boards for empowerment and support-when he looks red or that [email protected] doc retracted him before I could say "stop". My dh put up no fight to not circ ds (dh is circ'd) and I really haven't had any negativity (luckily) about my son's penis from family, friends, or caregivers-even though everyone except older generations are circ'd (those family members in their 80's). My reasons for keeping him intact were 1. human rights issue 2. how unnatural a circ'd penis looks 3. no medical reason for it.

I hope to gain the courage to be more vocal about leaving boys intact by visiting this site. I post things on facebook, but have not had the courage to talk face to face with a preggy mama.


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## leila1213 (Sep 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaylaBeanie* 
I'm happy I know all of this before ever having kids.

Or a husband, right? Not that you should choose based on that aspect alone, but it certainly doesn't hurt to go into it with your eyes open! Good that you and your ex-BF found out where each other stood before committing to anything!


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## MamatoPeach (Nov 15, 2008)

I am pregnant and I think it might be a boy this time. ??? I lurk from time to time. I live in the midwest where it is







: to even think about NOT circing. So if I do bring up the topic it gets negative reactions. I work in a pedi hospital where nurses talk about how awful it is when an uncirced boy comes in. They say the parents have never cleaned under the foreskin and the kid is going to get an infection blah blah blah. So I need to learn from this forum


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## kiara7 (Feb 14, 2008)

MamatoPeach,

please take the time to educate the nursing staff at the hospital if you can. It is possible to cath without retracting and proper care instructions too. HCP's are the major culprit of so many boys' problems. Thank you.


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## tutucrazy (Dec 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamatoPeach* 
I am pregnant and I think it might be a boy this time. ??? I lurk from time to time. I live in the midwest where it is







: to even think about NOT circing. So if I do bring up the topic it gets negative reactions. I work in a pedi hospital where nurses talk about how awful it is when an uncirced boy comes in. They say the parents have never cleaned under the foreskin and the kid is going to get an infection blah blah blah. So I need to learn from this forum









Def. read our intact care thread. The nurses are most incorrect as trying to clean under a foreskin is what causes the problems! I hope you get a boy, he would be a lucky little guy.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamatoPeach* 
I am pregnant and I think it might be a boy this time. ??? I lurk from time to time. I live in the midwest where it is







: to even think about NOT circing. So if I do bring up the topic it gets negative reactions. I work in a pedi hospital where nurses talk about how awful it is when an uncirced boy comes in. They say the parents have never cleaned under the foreskin and the kid is going to get an infection blah blah blah. So I need to learn from this forum









I agree with the previous two posters, you're in a unique position to educate. I hope you'll stick around, read the stickies, participate, and educate your friends. There is a lot of good information that they've clearly missed. Welcome to the board.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Oh, goodness, even thinking about 'needing' to do that makes me cringe....

I'm Jessica mom to 5 (and 1/4) year old Joshua and 22 month old Rebecca. We've been around here since my son was an infant... I found the regret thread her at CAC before I had my son but didn't bookmark MDC. Luckily I also got good information from the debate board at ivillage and then came back to Mothering a little later on. I've been here ever since, although I've taken breaks here and there from this board.

Jessica


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## outlier (Sep 29, 2008)

Okay, I'll come out too. I must be feeling generous tonight.









I used to know vaguely what circ was but never had much of an opinion about it. I guess I always thought it was six of one, half a dozen of the other, no big deal. HOWEVER, I do remember thinking the hygiene argument was a bunch of crap and obviously was created by someone who's never had a vagina. Honestly, once that thing kicks into gear during puberty, it takes quite a while to get the hang of caring for it, and I bet most women have never even seen theirs. Why in the world is it just expected that women will be able to handle taking care of their genitals, yet men for some reason can't be trusted to take care of something that they see and handle multiple times every day (and probably enjoy touching anyway







)?

Anyway, all that indifference came to a screeching halt when my DH and I happened to see that Penn and Teller "BS" video. We were going through the whole series one by one with Netflix, and when the circ title came up, I remember thinking, huh, this should be interesting. Oh my gosh. That video hit me like a truck. I think my mouth was hanging open the entire time. It actually raised more questions for me than it answered, not the least of which was why was that boy's glans blood red afterward? If this was simply the removal of a small flap of "useless" skin, why in the world did it look like his whole penis had been skinned? I don't remember DH having much of a reaction to the video. I started doing research online, happened to find TCAC's "If you regret..." thread, and I've been lurking and learning ever since.


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## kayla.blair (May 9, 2009)

I'm new here, and came to MDC to find help on potty training, and seen this forum. Ever since, I've been here everyday!

When I married my intact husband, I didn't really know any different. I knew that there was Circ'd and UnCirc'd, but I never really cared, there was no preference (although, there would be now, haha), it didn't matter to me what was under the pants, kwim?

Anyways, we married, and a year later we had a son. I never did any research on Circ'ing or not, I had just decided I would let him be, and he would look like his daddy.

(My husband said he had only been teased about it once or twice, but never in any hurtful way, just the guys in the locker room, laughing with him, i guess?, but he was nervous the first time we had intercourse bc he knew he was "different", and I felt that since he had handled it all very well growing up, that he was almost like "a better man", and he held his head high, and I wanted him to pass that to his son)

IF I had a "preference" like a lot of moms say, that I want my son Circ'd... I would have done research on it, before having it done, b/c anything with cutting any skin, id like to see it done first, and know the benefits, etc...

So, me being young and nieve was a blessing to my son...

My Bff (as some of you prob know) is pregnant with her second child, and this MAY BE her first boy... So, im in the process of getting her more information so that she can make an "educated" decision (or at least thats what Im tellling her, I know if they actually did research on it, they prob wouldnt do it...).

Anyways, thats why im here. Ive had friends tell me (no longer friends) that I was gross, or my husband was gross b/c he was UnCirc'd, and I always got furious and protested the good things that I knew...

So Im here. To learn. And to be around others that inspire me. =)

I can totally see myself rallying with big signs... "Leave his poor little penis be!". (lol)


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## LadyMage (Nov 26, 2008)

Hi, I'm LadyMage. I'm 23, and a mother to one little girl, DD-14months. I kind of looked into circumcision a little when I was pregnant, but by the time I really started to, I found out she was a girl. My husband, who is circed- tightly, but would never admit to having problems- told me once we found out it was a girl that if it HAD been a boy, we would HAVE to circ him. Well, that really p*ssed me off because you do not tell me what you will do to my baby, ykwim? LOL So, I really started looking into it then, and OMG, I am SO glad Zoe was a girl and I didn't have to worry about it. I also think that I might have gone through with it just to shut my husband up, too, and that really scares me. Anyway, he knows my stance now, and he says he doesn't want any little boys because he knows he won't win this fight, but we'll have more kids here in another year or so anyway.

I actually got him to really look into it- really research- but he still would want it done because it was what was normal to him. Finally, he admitted he just wanted his sons to look that way. Now, not to offend anyone, but his scar is VERY noticable- and it is about an inch behind his glans. He also has a few little scars that look like they could have been from his circ. His frenulum is gone, too.

Anyway, I just think it is such a horrible, barbaric thing to do to a poor, helpless, little boy. My brother and my first cousin are both intact, and have never ever had problems. (Ages 19 and 21) There just is NO point in doing it, and I'll be d*mned if I let it happen to any of my future boys. I do the diaper changes anyway, so until the little mite was old enough to take his diaper off and streak across the computer room floor, hubby would never see it!

~LM

ETA: Sorry about the post mix up earlier, and sorry if anyone was offended! I need to remember to read my posts over before I post them!







~LM


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## Rylins mama (Aug 22, 2007)

Im Kayla. I dont really post ALL the time in any one section, just read lots. My first baby was a girl and i just had my second baby (a boy) 5 months ago and yes he is intact! I grew up in a family that was all about circing and never really thought about it. My husband is Not circed and thats when I started thinking about the whole topic and there was never a reason (as far as Im concered) as to why we would circ any children that we had/have. Some of my family does make comments about my choice, others are respectful, others dont know.


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## Dani&B (May 15, 2009)

My name's Dani. I just found this board a few days ago while trying to locate some information on my 8 month old intact son's swelling and redness. We got the issue resloved with a trip to my awesomely intact friendly doc to reassure my paranoia it wasn't paraphimosis (sp?) or a yeast infection. Epsom salt baths and a little cortisone cream later, the swelling and redness is gone.









Even though I was just looking for a quick explanation at the time, I've done a lot of information gorging on this board within the last couple days and I think I might stick around. It's so refreshing to see some friendly faces on the topic of intact vs circ. I live in an area where roughly 97% of guys are circ'd. I am frequently treated like a leper when the discussion comes up with other mothers here and by medical staff in offices and hospital. I was practically harrassed by friends and family when he was born about keeping him intact. Luckily for me, I'm a single mom and have been since day 1 so that was a battle I never had to fight with a spouse. I did enough research on the subject to convince me 200% that my child would NEVER under go such a procedure and to know how to take care of it (never retracting, etc). Thanks to this board, I now have a full understanding of exactly what the foreskin's purpose is other than a protective cover, some of the complications that can arise such as the phimosis thing. And a HUGE reminder that I am so, so, SO glad I did my research. The whole reason I researched it in the first place (coming from a family and area of all circ'd guys I had no knowledge of anything else really) is that I was concerned about caring for a baby for the first time by myself, caring for the umbilical cord and an open wound from the circ all at once. It made me curious about WHY this awful sounding procedure was so popular. I am now a hard core intactivist. That's my story.


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## Starwind (May 16, 2009)

Hello. My name is Rich.

I'm a 23 year old pre-medical student. I was circ'd as an infant. Even though my mother didn't know better, I still feel that I truly resent her for making this decision for me. I have talked with her at length about it, but even so the feeling of parent betrayal is ever-present. For the most part I have moved on, though it is hard not to be reminded because one is essentially branded. The worst thing though, is having the knowledge that what is done can never be undone, and I do sometimes think about what it would be like to be intact.

I'm not sure how many that are circ'd feel this way, but I've always believed in autonomy. My belief is that the greatest harm to any person comes when they have their decisions taken away by another.

I suspect that my choice to go into medicine may have put a focus on this, as I understand not only personally, but also physiologically the harm that is done to a defenseless child. My reason for being here is to guide people to allow their children to make their own decisions when they are ready. I hope that I might find some catharsis in helping others not end up like me.

I do apologize for the dreary introduction, as I'm really an energetic and friendly guy.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I'm lurking!

I'm goBecgo. I'm in the UK. Because i am surrounded by uncirc'd men i have always been vaguely horrified with the idea that a whole society so similar to my own would routinely do it, so i suppose i lurk to read about you all fighting the good fight for all those little boys. It's strange to think of people having such strong beliefs about amputating a little baby's genitals in an educated country - i know that sounds weird and judgemental but it's late and i'm a bit clumsy with it. It's almost like hearing someone say the world is flat, i feel like "wow, do they REALLY believe that!?" because it's been many decades since routine circ'ing happened over here, there is NO segment of society that would ever think this was necessary/a good idea. I literally know NO little UK boys who aren't intact..

This is basically my story, too, except I'm in Canada. I often bounce in here (and to the Lactivism forum) off of New Posts.

The only person of my generation that I know who has ever expressed irl inclinations to circ their babies was a family member who lives in the States, (who had a girl, fortunately). And I have never seen a circ'd boy here.

I often think of what a difficult journey it is for parents to go against the disapproval of their families and especially mothers to go up against the passionate pro-circ feelings of their husbands to protect their baby boys. I so admire all of you who take this stand and seek to educate others in such difficult circumstances.


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## javilu (Oct 20, 2007)

I'm a lurker, I guess. I post on other fora, just not this one.

I have an eleven-week old intact son. We never even considered having him circumcised because we didn't see the point (and they don't even do them at the birth center where he was born), but I never realized how big of an issue this is until after my son was born. When I saw a picture online of a little baby strapped into one of those circumstraints, I very nearly cried, imagining his pain and fear. Now that I have a little boy, I feel much more passionate about this topic!


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## Eric (Mar 26, 2003)

I'm a lurker too.
Been reading these forums daily for about 7 years or so.
I became passionate about it once I started reading about it on line.
I only knew one other person growing up who was intact, and I started researching it on line when I was 15. I'm just very curious, and I have to research EVERYTHING.
I wrote a couple papers about it in highschool, and I talk about it whenever I get the opportunity.
In the next couple years, I would like to get even more involved.
This forum is refreshing to find like minded people, even though a lot of the stories in here are heart breaking.


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## Papai (Apr 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Starwind* 
Hello. My name is Rich.

I'm a 23 year old pre-medical student. I was circ'd as an infant. Even though my mother didn't know better, I still feel that I truly resent her for making this decision for me. I have talked with her at length about it, but even so the feeling of parent betrayal is ever-present. For the most part I have moved on, though it is hard not to be reminded because one is essentially branded. The worst thing though, is having the knowledge that what is done can never be undone, and I do sometimes think about what it would be like to be intact.

I'm not sure how many that are circ'd feel this way, but I've always believed in autonomy. My belief is that the greatest harm to any person comes when they have their decisions taken away by another.

I suspect that my choice to go into medicine may have put a focus on this, as I understand not only personally, but also physiologically the harm that is done to a defenseless child. My reason for being here is to guide people to allow their children to make their own decisions when they are ready. I hope that I might find some catharsis in helping others not end up like me.

I do apologize for the dreary introduction, as I'm really an energetic and friendly guy.


Welcome! I'm glad you're going into medicine!


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## Claire and Boys (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:

My belief is that the greatest harm to any person comes when they have their decisions taken away by another.
Welcome to MDC! and I really like this quote!


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I just want to remind all our new members and old timers to keep the new forum guidelines in mind when posting.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1084877


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I'm not a lurker, but I'll introduce myself anyway!









I am the mother of 3 little boys, ages 5, 8, and 10. All my boys are intact and have had no problems. I credit my mother for informing me about the the fact that circ. is an unnecessary and painful procedure.







She spent a very long time as a maternity nurse, so she had seen thousands of these procedures and had become a very strong intactivist unbeknownst to me since I only had sisters and there were no grandchildren yet.

I was unexpectedly pregnant when she asked me what I thought about circ. I told her I really didn't know and that I just thought it was what you did. She said that she was sending me some information to me and to discuss it with dh. I got through the first few pages of the stuff she sent, handed it to dh and said, "We're not doing this." He read the information, handed it back to me and said, "nope, we are definitely not doing this."


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## mjg013 (Jul 29, 2008)

I'm a mother of 8 and doula in training. Also a childbirth educator in training. I have 3 intact sons. I remember when my mom brought my brother home from the hospital when I was 12 years old and how horrified I was over his circumcision. I asked my mom about it and she told me that all boys were circumcised when they were born. When I got pregnant with my first baby I was terrified of having a boy. I couldn't imagine having my child circumcised. I had dreams about sneaking him out of the hospital and the police showing up to circumcise him. I had 4 girls before my first boy. With my 2nd pregnancy I was married and more informed and immensely relieved to find out that circumcision was a parent's choice not something they forced on you. When I first brought it up to my dh he said of course we'd circumcise if we had a boy but we found out soon after we were having a girl. When we found out with our 5th that we were having a boy I did the research and showed it to my dh. He instantly began his own research and he now speaks out against circumcision. He brings it up to all his friends who are expecting babies. We try to educate anyone and everyone we know about the importance of genital autonomy. Living in the southeast US, most people still practice circumcision but I saved my neighbor's son back in January. Every one counts. I get very saddened by the fact that it's legal at all. I don't understand why anyone would consider it especially after being informed about it. I knew it was wrong even as a child.


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## ursaminor (Mar 28, 2009)

Hello,
I've been involved in the intactivist movement since I was about 16 (I once ran a chapter of nocirc for dayton ohio). I've attended genital integrity awareness week in the past. Now at 23, I had my first child, a beautiful boy who is 12 weeks!
My mother was a lay midwife and spoke with me very frankly about many different issues. I came to the conclusion early on that I would never circumcise my future children.

Peace


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## inchwormz (May 26, 2005)

I guess I'm new to the circ forum, but not exactly new to MDC. I joined MDC when I was pregnant with my first daughter more than 4 years ago now. I have a second little girl, now 11 months. We never did have a boy, but it was always possibly with the first two.







I would not have had him circ'd if we had had one. I have always been against this practise, but I am also the most educated of my siblings (4 younger ones, one older who did not live with us). I'm also the least "mainstream" of us all, but with being the oldest, my other siblings have learned much from me over the years.









None of my siblings have children yet. It has been recent that my two sisters have talked about having kids, and so the topic of circ has come up. I've asked them if they have considered not circumcising (since mother feels quite strongly about it) and they have both said they would.







So I'm here gathering information to present them in hopes that they will learn more on their own. They are not usually that self-motivated, but I'm really hoping that when it comes to their own baby, they will want to learn as much as they can. I'm not as hopeful after a few conversations this past weekend, but I'm still trying.

Thanks!


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## tutucrazy (Dec 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *inchwormz* 
I guess I'm new to the circ forum, but not exactly new to MDC. I joined MDC when I was pregnant with my first daughter more than 4 years ago now. I have a second little girl, now 11 months. We never did have a boy, but it was always possibly with the first two.







I would not have had him circ'd if we had had one. I have always been against this practise, but I am also the most educated of my siblings (4 younger ones, one older who did not live with us). I'm also the least "mainstream" of us all, but with being the oldest, my other siblings have learned much from me over the years.









None of my siblings have children yet. It has been recent that my two sisters have talked about having kids, and so the topic of circ has come up. I've asked them if they have considered not circumcising (since mother feels quite strongly about it) and they have both said they would.







So I'm here gathering information to present them in hopes that they will learn more on their own. They are not usually that self-motivated, but I'm really hoping that when it comes to their own baby, they will want to learn as much as they can. I'm not as hopeful after a few conversations this past weekend, but I'm still trying.

Thanks!

Keep trying! Good for you for starting early!


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## InAStrangeLand (Feb 22, 2009)

I'll de-cloak now as well









I'm a guy in my late 20s who has through a set of tragedies found myself raising (part-time) my friends daughter, a wonderful little girl (9) and her step-sister (17 going on 12







) and the step-sisters daughter (1).

I'm from Canada and this crowd of people are from the midwest (land of corn) and heaven help them all they just aren't that with it when it comes to social issues. They're good people who just happen to do really creepy things sometimes. (Hence why I call myself "A stranger in a strange land" when I'm dealing with them on many things).

I pop in and out of this board and several others, trying to figure out how to be a good influence in their lives and do the right thing. I never intended on having a family, so l never paid attention to any "parental" type things, ever but they need to do this.

After I saw a spanking in the morning and heard a conversation about how "much cleaner" a circumcised guy was (all within 24 hours!) I lept into advocacy mode and spend a few hours a week reading about how things should be done in a kinder world.

So, I've managed to arm-twist them all into breastfeeding, convinced the mom's that circing is bad and to keep their hands to themselves. Outlook is looking great for the future and any future sons that may be born, I have to deal with the "it's not how we do things in America" line every now and then but that's the extent of it.

Slowly I will have them converted into advocates for a gentler way of living...

They all think I'm weird but their desire to become more than the sum of their roots keeps their ears wide open.

Anyhow, enough rambling.... I just want to say that you are all wonderful people for having this resource and for educating the great silent majority of the world who come by through searches seeking the honest truth of what this does to children.


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I'm lurking!

I'm goBecgo. I'm in the UK. Because i am surrounded by uncirc'd men i have always been vaguely horrified with the idea that a whole society so similar to my own would routinely do it, so i suppose i lurk to read about you all fighting the good fight for all those little boys. It's strange to think of people having such strong beliefs about amputating a little baby's genitals in an educated country - i know that sounds weird and judgemental but it's late and i'm a bit clumsy with it. It's almost like hearing someone say the world is flat, i feel like "wow, do they REALLY believe that!?" because it's been many decades since routine circ'ing happened over here, there is NO segment of society that would ever think this was necessary/a good idea. I literally know NO little UK boys who aren't intact.

My dad was circ'd late due to repeated infections and scarring because his parents used forced retraction to "clean" him. His brother (20months younger) is intact so they obviously learned their lesson thank goodness!

I tend to post on AUstralian sites a lot too, and they also still have a circ'ing culture (it's slowly changing) and i like to post the link to The Prepuce video as it's such a great piece with all one needs to know.

I lurk, occasionally post.

I agree with GoBecGo. I am in the uk too and just kinda horrified about circumcision. I just cannot wrap my head around it at all.

My step brother was circumcised and from I can gather (he dated an x friend), he has sensitivity issues. I don't know if it was a truely necessary circ, I don't think it was but its a bit late now to ponder it.

My DH is so anti circ its amazing, shame we don't live in America! Could do some intactivism.


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## proudmomof4 (Aug 29, 2006)

I've posted before but anyway: I have a daughter







: and 3 boys







:







. We (including DH) are all German, so it wasn't an issue with my first son. (He was born in Germany and circumcision is not a "routine medical procedure" there.)
My 2 youngest children were born in Grand Rapids, MI. With all of my children born at home I never had to "defend" this topic against e. g. nurses in the hospital - but I pointed out very clearly to our pediatrician in Grand Rapids that I didn't want a circumcision done (I put it in writing).
I still remember my horror at the sight of my friend's son's circumsized penis when I changed his diaper.







I sometimes tried to point people in this direction while I lived there but this proved to be tricky as I was - well, from a different country and culture.


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## mama24-7 (Aug 11, 2004)

I'm Sus - I've been on MDC a while & mostly just lurk here, but have posted a couple of times.

I have two dcs, my oldest a girl, & youngest an intact boy. I knew when I was pregnant w/ dd that if the baby was a boy, there'd be no circumcision. I researched it enough to know that it was unnecessary, but I've learned so much more since then. When ds was born at home, there was no question. Dh hasn't really been pro or con circ, but he knows that I do the research. He has said that if we were Jewish. like his father's family, we'd do it. I know we still wouldn't. I'm expecting again in July & once again, there'll be no mutilating of our perfect child







:.

Since trying & failing to educate a family member expecting two boys







I've decided I need to do more than just try to educate one person at a time. Here's what I've come up w/: 1. Add links to my email signature 2. Get involved in a nocirc or some other sort of group, maybe sending ltrs to hospitals, insurance companies, gov't., etc 3. Possibly put magnets on my car saying something like "his penis, his choice." Dh is worried someone will try to hurt our car if I do that. Thoughts?

Sus


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## listipton (Jun 26, 2008)

hello







I lurk frequently and like many of you, was vaguely aware that there was a circumcision debate but didn't look into it until it directly affected me. During my second pregnancy I was researching natural childbirth and when our ultrasound confirmed we were having a boy, my husband joked that I would next demand that our son not be circ'd. I kind of laughed and said, well of course I'm not going to push it and dropped the conversation (thinking in my head of course that circumcision MUST have some sort of medical benefit or it wouldn't be done routinely.....







). When I brought the conversation up at work, the ladies all literally shuddered and said "well, that's just something that needs to be done" and the way they all reacted to just mentioning circ (not that I was considering leaving our son intact, but just saying the word) inspired such aversion, I decided to research farther. All I can say is thank you to all the people who regularly post on this board and provide information and support. I am sad that I ever thought it wasn't a big deal and so thankful that my daughter was born first and that I had access to information like this board before I had my son. Thank you.


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## Rhiannon77 (Aug 5, 2007)

Hello all! I lurk and post on occasion. I first began researching circumcision and the reasons not to when they showed a video of the procedure in a birthing class while pregnant with my first child (a girl). Prior to that, it wasn't something that I'd given much thought to. In fact, I'm not certain that I'd ever even seen an uncircumcised penis and had even attended a bris. The video was so horrifying that my husband and I had to turn away. We immediately decided together that if our child was a boy, we would not have him circumcised. I poured over research and could find very little valid reason to circumcise. When we found out that our 2nd child would be a boy, we knew our choice. I was occasionally swayed by the locker room saga and whatnot...but held strong. Even our OB gave us lots of bs reasons why we should do it and I recall a nurse at the hospital touting the locker room excuses again. I could one lone nurse that actually agreed with us. Isn't that sad? ONE! Since then, I've put myself out there to anyone who would listen, hoping that my persistence might actually change a mind or two...or at least help anyone wavering to feel that they wouldn't be alone in leaving their son intact.


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## Geigerin (May 7, 2009)

I just discovered this community. My husband and I are TTC and just starting to explore what comes down the road. I had no idea there were such strong opinions out there.

My husband is circd, but I had boyfriends who weren't. I was aware of the sexual and cultural differences, but little else. After reading these threads and sharing them with my husband, we've decided not to circ when we do have a son.

So, you have successfully converted at least one family!


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

Geigerin,
Welcome to MDC and to TCAC forum in particular!

It's so wonderful to hear feedback that the information provided here has helped a family to learn and make healthful decisions for their children. Thank you for sharing this with us!

Best wishes TTC. I wish you a fun conception period, a healthy and comfortable pregnancy, an amazing birth and a healthy child!


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## fruitful womb (Nov 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama24-7* 
I'm Sus - I've been on MDC a while & mostly just lurk here, but have posted a couple of times.

I have two dcs, my oldest a girl, & youngest an intact boy. I knew when I was pregnant w/ dd that if the baby was a boy, there'd be no circumcision. I researched it enough to know that it was unnecessary, but I've learned so much more since then. When ds was born at home, there was no question. Dh hasn't really been pro or con circ, but he knows that I do the research. He has said that if we were Jewish. like his father's family, we'd do it. I know we still wouldn't. I'm expecting again in July & once again, there'll be no mutilating of our perfect child







:.

Since trying & failing to educate a family member expecting two boys







I've decided I need to do more than just try to educate one person at a time. Here's what I've come up w/: 1. Add links to my email signature 2. Get involved in a nocirc or some other sort of group, maybe sending ltrs to hospitals, insurance companies, gov't., etc 3. Possibly put magnets on my car saying something like "his penis, his choice." Dh is worried someone will try to hurt our car if I do that. Thoughts?

Sus


Hi Sus, Welcome to CAC MDC. You're so lucky and so is your future little man for leaving him intact. Re: your bumper sticker idea, I say go for it! I've never had a negative reaction. I've had many many people stare, take pictures, even ask me questions about circumcision. One guy got out of his car in a Starbucks drive thu and while I was getting my latte, asked me questions about my sticker. I've even seen a mother in her car shocked after reading. It was so funny. It'll make them think, thats for sure. Every experience I've had was a positive experience. It gave me many opportunites to speak to people about this issue and it (hopefully) planted many seeds.


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## groovynaturemama (Mar 8, 2007)

i'm melissa, 29, a dd 2y, and a son due in june. i lurk around in here and very occasionally post. we WILL NOT be circ'ing our son. dh is circ'd but was very willing to look at why i felt like it was not the choice we should make for our son and wholeheartedly agrees.









i have been looking into not circ'ing since i became pg. w/dd almost 3 years ago. what prompted me to educate myself further (and look at this forum and its resources) was seeing my nephew after he was circ'd







i questioned why anyone would think that a circ was an ok thing to do to a baby, and if it was even necessary. i also wanted to learn the reason circ was practiced in the first place, and i do not feel like any part of why it was done originally applies to me, my religion, my ethnicity or lifestyle. also, the extreme to which it is done now is not anything like what they used to do when it was first being practiced. i view it as a violation of human rights when done electively/for no medical reason.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PuppyFluffer* 
Geigerin,
Welcome to MDC and to TCAC forum in particular!

It's so wonderful to hear feedback that the information provided here has helped a family to learn and make healthful decisions for their children. Thank you for sharing this with us!

Best wishes TTC. I wish you a fun conception period, a healthy and comfortable pregnancy, an amazing birth and a healthy child!

I agree with Puppy Fluffer, it always makes my day when I read posts like Geigerin's. It's nice to hear the difference that is made thanks to the contribution of the board members.







Welcome to all the other lurks too, are there more? I bet there are, so come out and say hi! Go ahead, make my day!


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## nerdymom (Mar 20, 2008)

Well, if you insist, I'd be glad to make your day.







I'm Holly and I've been an MDC addict since the first trimester of my first (and only so far) pregnancy. Although I had never considered circ for my son since DH is an intact European, I never thought much about the subject. It was not until I discovered MDC and the cac that I really began to think of intactness as normal and circ as deviant. I had studied FGM (female genital mutilation) in two separate classes, and even written a term paper of the subject, but had really never put two and two together. Now I cannot get over the disconnect so many people have between female and male genitals. When I talk to people about circ, I try to always bring up FGM and the similarities. I try not to scream "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CUT OFF YOUR LABIA? YOU DON'T NEED IT AND IT'S DIRTY!!!" Even though sometimes I would like to.









After first reading some of the CAC I had dinner with a pg friend and her DH. We were talking about our babies and somehow circ came up. She wanted to circ, I was trying to figure out a way to kindly say "WTF don't cut your son" when her DH said, oh there is a Penn and Teller episode about it. So we sat down to watch it, and when they showed the baby screaming and crying, my pg hormones took over and I had to leave the room. I felt sick and started crying myself. Later on my DH and I both talked to them and they ended up not circing their son!







:


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## bubbamummy (Feb 25, 2009)

Im from England and up until I met DH I had never really given Circ a second thought, NO ONE i knew was cric'ed. Then I 'saw' Dh and asked what was wrong with his penis







perhaps not such a great comment for our 1st time







I was absolutely horrified to find out that it was 'normal' in the US. It literally turned my stomach. When I tell my English friends their eyes nearly pop out (esp, the men!!!) so here I am now...battling against DH's (American) family who think im a crazy English girl with weird hippy ideas







where as in England im considered completely normal


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## kateygirl76 (May 25, 2009)

I'm Kate, i'm a forensic scientist and live outside Philadelphia. I have a 2 year boy and 7 week old twin boys. All intact.

My high school science teacher give birth to 2 little boys during my time there and told us about her not circing them and her reasons for it. I went to an all girls school so we discussed almost anything! So for me, I knew for a long time I would never put them thru it. fortunately DH agreed with no real discussion about it.

I just came here a couple of days ago. People on another group recommended it as one of the twins had a wicked UTI and I had concerns about them cathing him w/o hurting him and the comments about circing him if the infections continue. (not gonna happen)


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## Abismommy (Jul 3, 2008)

I'm a lurker!!!
My name is Ashley, I'm a mommy to 2 girls. No boys yet...but once they're born we're keeping them intact. If it ain't broke don't fix it! I like to come in and read topics and hopefully get educated more and more on the matter. I'd also like to grow some and be able to speak about this horrid procedure more. Be a true Intactivist


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## Christiane (May 28, 2009)

I just joined this very day, so I guess I'm a lurker








I find it interesting that circ/no circ is even a topic. I live in Denmark where noone is ever circ'ed (noone I've heard of, anyway), so I've never discussed this issue. It seems like a cruel procedure, though. I'm happy I never had to justify keeping my little boy intact!


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Welcome to the board we look forward to your perspective.







You would be stunned at the ignorance.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Christiane* 
I just joined this very day, so I guess I'm a lurker








I find it interesting that circ/no circ is even a topic. I live in Denmark where noone is ever circ'ed (noone I've heard of, anyway), so I've never discussed this issue. It seems like a cruel procedure, though. I'm happy I never had to justify keeping my little boy intact!

Lucky.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Hi, I guess I'm a lurker and a newb







but I like it here.

Although my only child is a girl (5), I am an intactivist, but only came to this realization when she was a couple years old after doing research for a controversial speech assignment. I am so glad that she was a girl, because I was totally uninformed and "normalized" about circ when I had her. I feel really strongly about it, and it really breaks my heart when friends/family choose to circ just because it's standard procedure here (Colorado).

Anyways, just here to support the baby's right to his body and the parents who are defending that.


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## Nandi (Jul 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama24-7* 
I'm Sus - I've been on MDC a while & mostly just lurk here, but have posted a couple of times.

I have two dcs, my oldest a girl, & youngest an intact boy. I knew when I was pregnant w/ dd that if the baby was a boy, there'd be no circumcision. I researched it enough to know that it was unnecessary, but I've learned so much more since then. When ds was born at home, there was no question. Dh hasn't really been pro or con circ, but he knows that I do the research. He has said that if we were Jewish. like his father's family, we'd do it. I know we still wouldn't. I'm expecting again in July & once again, there'll be no mutilating of our perfect child







:.

Since trying & failing to educate a family member expecting two boys







I've decided I need to do more than just try to educate one person at a time. Here's what I've come up w/: 1. Add links to my email signature 2. Get involved in a nocirc or some other sort of group, maybe sending ltrs to hospitals, insurance companies, gov't., etc 3. Possibly put magnets on my car saying something like "his penis, his choice." Dh is worried someone will try to hurt our car if I do that. Thoughts?

Sus

I have a bumper sticker on my car, and never had any problems. Mine says "The Foreskin is Not a Birth Defect" with Stopinfantcircumcision.com on it
I did have one lady stop and stare at if for a good minute, like the thought had never crossed her mind and she was trying to process it.
Other people laugh or smile or look pissed. It's kind of entertaining actually.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eclipsepearl* 
Bonjour from France.

This is another country where there are few circ's. I'm also from California, where it is less common. Here's the twist...my ds IS circ'd!
.....
Please don't flame me for having a circ'd son AND not regretting it. I am supportive of your stance and will continue to support the cause.

Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing your interesting and reciprocal experience. Despite the fact that you circumcised your son (which I can't agree with under any but specific medical circumstances) I am glad to hear you have tried to dissuade other expats. I hope no one flames you either and I hope you'll contribute and continue to share your experience.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Just wanted to remind everyone of the TCAC guidelines.

Quote:

The discussion of or reference to religion is outside of the scope of this forum. Any posts which bring any aspect of religion into the discussion are not appropriate and will be removed. Respectful discussion of a religious nature regarding circumcision, alternatives, etc. may be hosted in the Spirituality forum. The Spirituality forum is a debate-free zone. Members maintain a list of helpful websites in a Web Resources thread for further information about religious issues.


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## BaMo (Mar 19, 2006)

I'm a long time lurker in this forum. We had decided that if our DC was a boy, we would not circ. We don't know a lot of folks that don't circ and DH was circ, but we knew that we could not do that to our child.

I'm really glad to have this forum because we don't feel so alone.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)




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## THBVsMommy (Mar 13, 2007)

This is the part I hate. Admitting that my first son, who is now 3 yrs old, was circumcised due to my lack of education in this area







I never had a second thought about it; in fact it never even crossed my mind til I was sitting in the hospital bed, in labor, giving consent. It was the aftermath that changed my mind on circing.

The day after my son was born, he was circ'ed. I walked into the nursery 5 minutes after the procedure was done.. right into a devastated newborn who was screaming and inconsolable. I took him into the nursing room quickly and tried everything to comfort him. Nothing worked; he was a mess. I knew then that I had to have made a mistake. Something "so routine, so normal" shouldn't be this bad. He was a devastated mess all day and all night long and nursing him was going horribly that day, even though our first day together was an instant BFing success.

As the days/months went on, I decided that I needed to be better informed on what I put my son through. It was overwhelming at first; there is SO MUCH information, but here I am today, completely anti-routine circumcision. I will never be able to take back what I allowed to happen to my son.. the only thing I can do is prevent any future boys I may have from going through this again.

I have apologized to my son countless times, though I know that he has no idea what I am sorry for. I hope that one day, when he's older and we're able to really have this discussion, he forgives me.

DH & I are currently 10 weeks pregnant with our 2nd, and of course if this is a boy, he will remain intact without a second thought to our decision. I'm so happy that my husband is on board with me, even though he himself is circ'd. He is 100% willing to read the research I present to him, and has come to the conclusion himself that it's our not our decision to make, but our son's.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *THBVsMommy* 
This is the part I hate. Admitting that my first son, who is now 3 yrs old, was circumcised due to my lack of education in this area









I'm so sorry, mama (HUGS). Please don't beat yourself up, parenting journey is so tough, many times we do have to learn our lessons the hard way







. My son is intact, but I keep beating myself up over partially vaccinating him







. When we know better we do better. One thing is for sure, you are not alone, there are so many mothers on this forum that also deeply regret circ-ing their son(s).

*If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.*
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=112410


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## UhOhWhatNow (Jul 21, 2008)

I think circ'ing is horrible. It's barbaric to me, and it really upsets me.

I first came to this forum when I was so excited that my husband, who IS cut, agreed with me that our son would be left intact! I was thrilled with my choice. My baby is now born and is three months old. I'm SO GLAD we made the decision we did.

The more I research this cruel tradition, the more upset I become, and the more passionately I feel about fighting it.


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## UhOhWhatNow (Jul 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *THBVsMommy* 
I have apologized to my son countless times, though I know that he has no idea what I am sorry for. I hope that one day, when he's older and we're able to really have this discussion, he forgives me.

DH & I are currently 10 weeks pregnant with our 2nd, and of course if this is a boy, he will remain intact without a second thought to our decision. I'm so happy that my husband is on board with me, even though he himself is circ'd. He is 100% willing to read the research I present to him, and has come to the conclusion himself that it's our not our decision to make, but our son's.

Awww, don't beat yourself up!! You didn't know... NOW you do. BIG hugs to you... and best wishes with your pregnancy!


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## tutucrazy (Dec 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *THBVsMommy* 
This is the part I hate. Admitting that my first son, who is now 3 yrs old, was circumcised due to my lack of education in this area







I never had a second thought about it; in fact it never even crossed my mind til I was sitting in the hospital bed, in labor, giving consent. It was the aftermath that changed my mind on circing.

The day after my son was born, he was circ'ed. I walked into the nursery 5 minutes after the procedure was done.. right into a devastated newborn who was screaming and inconsolable. I took him into the nursing room quickly and tried everything to comfort him. Nothing worked; he was a mess. I knew then that I had to have made a mistake. Something "so routine, so normal" shouldn't be this bad. He was a devastated mess all day and all night long and nursing him was going horribly that day, even though our first day together was an instant BFing success.

As the days/months went on, I decided that I needed to be better informed on what I put my son through. It was overwhelming at first; there is SO MUCH information, but here I am today, completely anti-routine circumcision. I will never be able to take back what I allowed to happen to my son.. the only thing I can do is prevent any future boys I may have from going through this again.

I have apologized to my son countless times, though I know that he has no idea what I am sorry for. I hope that one day, when he's older and we're able to really have this discussion, he forgives me.

DH & I are currently 10 weeks pregnant with our 2nd, and of course if this is a boy, he will remain intact without a second thought to our decision. I'm so happy that my husband is on board with me, even though he himself is circ'd. He is 100% willing to read the research I present to him, and has come to the conclusion himself that it's our not our decision to make, but our son's.

You aren't alone momma! I'm so sorry that no one was there to provide information to you the first time around. I hope you will join us in helping educate parents. I feel like many parents simple don't know any better.

(hugs) and welcome!
Jen


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## Marnica (Oct 4, 2008)

Hi...I lurk mostly, post occasionally







. I have a 14 momth old intact son.

When pregnant I thought if I had a boy I would of course circ him as wasn't that just what everyone did???

Our hypnobirthing instructor brought it up, mentioning that it is medically unnecessary can be painful and dangerous. This made me research and learn more. I was leaning towards not doing it, and I saw a video of it being done. I cried and went home and told my husband, if we have a boy we are doing this over my dead body...my husband is circ'd but thankfully just told me ok and he was fine with not doing it.

What is strange is that my father is from England. I have no idea if he is circ'd and am dying to ask my mom if he is and if my brother is, but I'm too chicken to ask? I mean ewww asking about your dad's penis









I tend to think my dad may be intact since when we told my parents we were not circ'd DS, they didn't think anything of it! I have this burning desire to know now as I know it is not done in much of Europe, however my father was born in 1939 and perhaps things were different back then. I think I need to just suck it up and ask my mom!!!







:


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## UhOhWhatNow (Jul 21, 2008)

I know my dad is because my mom was so funny when I told her I wasn't doing it to my son, and that in the UK no one does it. I used to be married to a Brit... so anyway she blurts out, "You've BEEN WITH an uncut man?" all shocked and surprised! hahaha it was funny...







So she was like asking about it... clearly she's never seen an uncut penis!


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## Litcrit (Feb 23, 2009)

I come to this subforum a lot because I'm fascinated, in an eery way, that this thing is actually done to baby boys in the US... it was quite a culture shock to first discover the topic on a US discussion forum - I'd never heard of it before.

Granted, in my part of the world it does sometimes happen - but only to boys of devout Jews and Muslims, not those not really practicing - and the majority aren't really practicing.

So, the shock, and the outrage, and the SHOCK - did I mention the shock? - are what makes me come back here. I learned recently here that only a bit over 50% boys are now circ'd in the US and that made me







:


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## SashaBreeze (Apr 18, 2009)

I posted a question recently and didn't even think about introducing myself first. Oops.









I have no doubt that had my first two children been boys they would have been circumcised. I had not even thought about not doing it, something EVERYONE did almost like it had to be done.









It's been over 5years so my memory is a little fuzzy, but as I remember it:
I had horrible, terrifying birth experiences with my first two and went looking on line with my 3rd trying to find information about natural birth and making the birthing experience in general more pleasant and stumbled on MDC. While reading around I saw an area on the board about circumcision. At that time wasn't it still more like a debate thread???? At any rate out of curiosity, I had never gave it a thought, I started reading and following links. I was horrified! I had my dh watch and read everything I was learning and we both were stunned. At the time we did not know yet if we would have a boy or a girl but we KNEW that if we had boys they would not be circumcised.
We went years without Internet access and have only decided to get it back for the past 6months or so and I stumbled on MDC again and was so excited I just had to join!









So that is our story. Every person I meet since reading the information on MDC when I was pregnant with T that is pregnant I BEG not to get there child circumcised and give them as much info as I can.

Thanks for having me,
Sasha


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## emma1325 (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marnica* 
Hi...I lurk mostly, post occasionally







. I have a 14 momth old intact son.

What is strange is that my father is from England. I have no idea if he is circ'd and am dying to ask my mom if he is and if my brother is, but I'm too chicken to ask? I mean ewww asking about your dad's penis









I tend to think my dad may be intact since when we told my parents we were not circ'd DS, they didn't think anything of it! I have this burning desire to know now as I know it is not done in much of Europe, however my father was born in 1939 and perhaps things were different back then. I think I need to just suck it up and ask my mom!!!







:

That's hilarious Marnica.

My mom recently told me that my dad is uncircumcised...I didn't ask, she just brought it up. He was one of four brothers born in the 50's...the first two sons (including my dad) were left intact. The second two were circumcised...because the doctors and nurses pressured my grandmother into it with all the same bs reasons they still do today...it would stay cleaner, be healthier, look prettier.


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## emma1325 (May 23, 2005)

I'm Kellie. I have 2 girls. Their genitals were left uncut and I would do the same for a son









I hang out in the vaccine boards mostly, but have been venturing out a bit.


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## tutucrazy (Dec 30, 2008)

I just wanted to welcome everyone. I've really enjoyed learning about everyone and reading your experiences. Stick around gals (and guys). Let's speak for all those boys who don't have a voice.


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## K703 (Dec 15, 2008)

I'm Kelly, a 24-year-old intact man. I got here because last November I did some searching on the subject and found some sites that were strongly anti-circ, and the MDC forum was one of them. When I first came here I wasn't sure if I should join in or not, but when I saw that there are several other guys around here I decided to join in on the discussions here.


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## Marnica (Oct 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marnica* 
Hi...I lurk mostly, post occasionally







. I have a 14 momth old intact son.

When pregnant I thought if I had a boy I would of course circ him as wasn't that just what everyone did???

Our hypnobirthing instructor brought it up, mentioning that it is medically unnecessary can be painful and dangerous. This made me research and learn more. I was leaning towards not doing it, and I saw a video of it being done. I cried and went home and told my husband, if we have a boy we are doing this over my dead body...my husband is circ'd but thankfully just told me ok and he was fine with not doing it.

What is strange is that my father is from England. I have no idea if he is circ'd and am dying to ask my mom if he is and if my brother is, but I'm too chicken to ask? I mean ewww asking about your dad's penis









I tend to think my dad may be intact since when we told my parents we were not circ'd DS, they didn't think anything of it! I have this burning desire to know now as I know it is not done in much of Europe, however my father was born in 1939 and perhaps things were different back then. I think I need to just suck it up and ask my mom!!!







:


Well I finally asked my mom....my dad IS circ'd! I have to admit Im surpised (and kinda dissappointed10 as he is a Brit...however this was in 1939 and he was from an "upperclass" family. I think back then the upperclasses cir'd. Oh well. My DS is the first in the family then!


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## Poodge (Jun 16, 2009)

Hello! I am a mom to a 3 month old intact son. I knew if we had a boy I would not circ him. My dad is not and my mom had talked with me about it growing up. When we found out we were having a boy I showed the research to DH, who gladly agreed we would not do that to our child. Now the more research I do the worse I feel about it being done to any boy.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marnica* 
Well I finally asked my mom....my dad IS circ'd! I have to admit Im surpised (and kinda dissappointed10 as he is a Brit...however this was in 1939 and he was from an "upperclass" family. I think back then the upperclasses cir'd. Oh well. My DS is the first in the family then!

The British didn't get their act together on this until 10 years later. It did happen in the 'upper' classes during that period.


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## dorenavant (Apr 1, 2009)

Hi, I came here a few months ago looking for information when I found out the baby I'm carrying is a boy. I remember during my last pregnancy we talked about circ a bit in my Bradley birth classes, but we knew at that point that we were having a girl so I admit I didn't pay very close attention- I only knew that it sounded awful to me and I was relieved that I didn't have to make that decision at the time.
I was nervous to have the discussion with DH this pregnancy, but he surprised me by being very open-minded; we watched the Penn and Teller BS episode and had a short discussion and he agreed to leave our son intact.







:
Soon after that, I decided to tell my father about our decision because I was expecting opposition and was pleasantly surprised that he had attended a bris (sp?) as a young man and was appalled at the whole procedure. He said he was thrilled that we were not going to hurt his grandson needlessly.
Well, just yesterday I was with DH's family (DH was not present) and his brother was telling me how awful changing a newborn boy was going to be- I assumed because of the possibility of getting peed on, but he said no because of the aftermath of circ. When I said, "Oh, but we're not going to circumcise him," my MIL acted HORRIFIED and started in on STD's and AIDS and cleanliness- I was not at all prepared to get into a big discussion with her and just said, "I've done a lot of research and DH agrees with me that it's unnecesary. The STD and AIDS study was done in Africa, not in the US." She countered, "but the article I read was written by a doctor!" "I'm sure it was," I told her, "and I've read countless articles by doctors who are against circumcision." Thankfully my FIL stepped in as peacemaker and just said that everyone has a difference of opinion even in the medical community and of course we could each find articles supporting our positions. She got in one last comment about it being "gross" or "dirty" or something, and I had to walk away. I was so upset I couldn't stop thinking about it, and kept thinking up comebacks, but as we were at a family party I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to bring it up again. I can't say that I'm surprised that my conservative IL's don't agree with us on this issue, but it obviously took me by surprise and upset me- I think this is the first thing that my MIL and I have ever argued about in 9 years. I warned DH that he will probably hear about it next time he speaks to her, and he said he'd just ask her if she felt like all 4 of her granddaughters needed to be circ'd too since apparently all genitals are "dirty". I'm so glad I have his support on this issue, and glad that I can come here for good information in case this escalates and I want to provide MIL with some anti-circ info.


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## billikengirl (Sep 12, 2008)

Yeah, I lurk. Just found out baby on the way is a boy last week, but DH and I have been arguing about circ since the stick turned blue. After the ultrasound, I was so upset. His wanting to chop off pieces of our baby really sucked the joy out of seeing said baby with the ultrasound.

I renewed our argument later in the day and he is very, very angry with me about this but concedes that he cannot/will not take our son to have it done without my consent. He had been so (uncharacteristically) resistant to reason that I did fear that he would go to those lengths. So now I feel much more at peace about having a boy.

I appreciate what I've learned on this forum about my right and my obligation to protect my boy....when EVERYONE else was telling me that I needed to just defer to my husband because he has a penis and how dare I cause conflict in my marriage over something so insignificant as a foreskin that needs to come off anyway or else my kid will be embarrassed in some locker room.


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## billikengirl (Sep 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dorenavant* 
When I said, "Oh, but we're not going to circumcise him," my MIL acted HORRIFIED and started in on STD's and AIDS and cleanliness- I was not at all prepared to get into a big discussion with her and just said, "I've done a lot of research and DH agrees with me that it's unnecesary. The STD and AIDS study was done in Africa, not in the US." She countered, "but the article I read was written by a doctor!" "I'm sure it was," I told her, "and I've read countless articles by doctors who are against circumcision." Thankfully my FIL stepped in as peacemaker and just said that everyone has a difference of opinion even in the medical community and of course we could each find articles supporting our positions. She got in one last comment about it being "gross" or "dirty" or something, and I had to walk away. I was so upset I couldn't stop thinking about it, and kept thinking up comebacks, but as we were at a family party I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to bring it up again. I can't say that I'm surprised that my conservative IL's don't agree with us on this issue, but it obviously took me by surprise and upset me- I think this is the first thing that my MIL and I have ever argued about in 9 years. I warned DH that he will probably hear about it next time he speaks to her, and he said he'd just ask her if she felt like all 4 of her granddaughters needed to be circ'd too since apparently all genitals are "dirty". I'm so glad I have his support on this issue, and glad that I can come here for good information in case this escalates and I want to provide MIL with some anti-circ info.

I feel your pain somewhat, and sympathize with the desire to inform--when I told my own dad (dude was a hippie back in the day, my sister and I were both born at home with a midwife in the 80s) about not circing he threw out the most ill thought out lemming like arguments at me that I was (almost) speechless. I was SO disappointed. I keep wishing I'd not been so shocked and could have calmly refuted things point by point.


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## UhOhWhatNow (Jul 21, 2008)

Stand strong billikengirl!!! You're making a great choice. My DH is cut, and he is fine with our son being uncut...

The AIDS thing really boggles my mind. How about NOT having unprotected sex, whether or not you have a foreskin??? Duh?


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## SunShineSally (Jan 18, 2005)

I was over here a few years back when my Ds was cut with out permission
and now I am due with #2 and need to re read everything and also had to convince my DF that this is what would be best and he read a little and saw that many of his issues where because of his circ







and was convinced in about 3 minutes







: also my Ds had many issues because of his circ they didn't even do it right







so this new bean will be just how God intended him to be







: I still feel horrible for my Ds who is earthside right now but his issues have cleared up and he is now doing well (his hole was so small and it would seal up and I would have to seperate it in the mornings and evenings also when he went to an uroligist they had to use a premmie cath and he was almost 2!)

So I will be hanging around some for awhile again hope you don't mind I am sure i will have some silly questions


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## mamaX6 (Jul 10, 2008)

We had four girls when I found out I was pregnant with boy/girl twins. We had always joked that we dodged the circ bullet...... I told my husband that I would totally support whatever decision he came up with regarding our son. He went into complete research mode (he saw that Pen and Teller video, as well). My husband is circumcised (and we are from the midwest). He decided that there was no way he wanted to circumcise our little guy (I was so happy!!!). Just a side note about "matching"....my MIL freaked when we told her our decision. She said that we were crazy and could not believe we would not circumcise. She told us a few horror stories and in anger said, "your father is not circumcised!" My husband had NO idea (for anyone that argues that it is important to match). Oddly, when my husband asked his father for his opinion he said he never cared one way or the other..... We are still sort of shocked by my MIL's reaction considering my FIL could care less. I have been surprised by some of the harsh reactions (at church someone said they would never marry someone that was not circumcised....I said it was a good thing she was not going to marry my son....). We sort of think that he can make his own decision on it eventually (I heard the plastic surgeon on the Doctors say that they can do custom circs now with very little pain....whatever that means....). Just nice to follow people that get us!


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## SlackerDad (Jun 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *billikengirl* 
I renewed our argument later in the day and he is very, very angry with me about this but concedes that he cannot/will not take our son to have it done without my consent. He had been so (uncharacteristically) resistant to reason that I did fear that he would go to those lengths. So now I feel much more at peace about having a boy.

I appreciate what I've learned on this forum about my right and my obligation to protect my boy....when EVERYONE else was telling me that I needed to just defer to my husband because he has a penis and how dare I cause conflict in my marriage over something so insignificant as a foreskin that needs to come off anyway or else my kid will be embarrassed in some locker room.

I'm so sorry to hear this has caused such conflict. I salute you for protecting your son even in the face of such pressure. I suspect that circ'd men often feel defensive about the issue. Essentially you are telling your husband that (1) his parents allowed something awful to happen to him when he was a baby; and (2) as a result, he now has a penis that is not what it should be--he was robbed of his birthright and nothing can ever get it back. What man wants to hear that?

Apologies to all for not having introduced myself. Like Kelly, I am an intact man. I lucked out: my parents were living in Kenya when my mom got pregnant; she tried to return to the U.S. in her third trimester but the airline wouldn't let her on the plane. So I was born in a hospital in Nairobi where infants were not circumcised. By the time my parents got back to the U.S. three months later, they had gotten used to me in my intact state and didn't have the heart to do it (they figured they could offer me the option when I was older--they did and I swiftly and unhesitatingly refused). This gives me another idea: three month waiting periods for circumcision. What argument for doing it as a newborn would not after all apply to a three month old? They are not going to remember it either way, and a three month old does not spend much time in locker rooms.

In any event, while I very much appreciate the passion for this issue expressed by a number of women here, I'm not sure anyone can more intensely and directly understand the horror of this practice than can an intact man. I've seen circ'd guys. I can see that what is going on with their genitals (scarred, dried out, no gliding mechanism) is just not the way it's supposed to be. I know my own equipment intimately (obviously), know how it works, know that I _need_ that stuff they cut off other guys. (I sometimes wonder if the jokes inserted in some movies or even TV shows about teenage boys having KY jelly or other lubricant around leave European guys puzzled.) I would honestly rather lose one of my hands (especially my left) or even one of my eyes than lose that part of my body.

So I think that makes it clear why I'm here. This practice needs to be ended, period.

ETA: Forgot to mention that I have a 9yo son who is intact. He "looks just like his dad", though I didn't look like mine--goes to show that it only takes one generation and then all those to follow can look alike in a much nicer way, once the switch is made.


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## calngavinsmom (Feb 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SlackerDad* 
This gives me another idea: three month waiting periods for circumcision. What argument for doing it as a newborn would not after all apply to a three month old? They are not going to remember it either way, and a three month old does not spend much time in locker rooms.


Circumstraints are only designed to restrain infants up to 4500grams(about 10lbs) My guys were over that before they were one month old.

I totally agree with you by the way. If parents were allowed to bond more deeply with their babies, this probably would not happen as much.

Take care,
Tara


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## hakunangovi (Feb 15, 2002)

Slackerdad - Lucky you !!! I was born in Kenya too, and my brothers and I were all circumcised. Two of the three of us are really pissed about it.


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## SlackerDad (Jun 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hakunangovi* 
Slackerdad - Lucky you !!! I was born in Kenya too, and my brothers and I were all circumcised. Two of the three of us are really pissed about it.

Whoa--that's a weird coincidence, to have multiple people born in Kenya on the board. What year were you born? (1969 for me.) I wonder why the difference? Did your parents do some special arrangement to have it done or something?

Sorry btw that you got circ'd. I always feel the most awkward talking about this with guys who had this happen against their will right at the beginning of life. Nothing you can do about it now...and in a weird way I wonder if the guys who think it was peachy keen to have been circ'd (like your third brother) are better off in a way, being blissfully ignorant.

Alan


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SlackerDad* 
Nothing you can do about it now...

This is not true. Non-sergical restoration is always an option.


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## benj (Jun 4, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
This is not true. Non-sergical restoration is always an option.

That only restores some of the funtions. It is helpful, but not ideal.

Anyways, I think we're stuck in our little bubble in the US...we seem to think we (as a culture) know better than everyone.







Information takes a lot longer to get through to people.


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## mama24-7 (Aug 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *benj* 
Anyways, I think we're stuck in our little bubble in the US...we seem to think we (as a culture) know better than everyone.







Information takes a lot longer to get through to people.

Yes, I think until we get a commercial campaign or a celebrity to say it's bad, its still good. We are so messed up.







:

Sus


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## benj (Jun 4, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama24-7* 
Yes, I think until we get a commercial campaign or a celebrity to say it's bad, its still good. We are so messed up.







:

Sus

Pretty much. Sometimes I think if we were more open-minded like the rest of the world, it might do us some good.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *benj* 
That only restores some of the funtions. It is helpful, but not ideal.

True, it is definitely not ideal. However, it's FAR from "get over it since there is nothing you can do anyway". While many thousands of nerves are lost to circ forever, restoration does reverse the process of keratinization (sensitivity loss) as well as giving you back the gliding mechanism; restored men no longer need any additional lubrication (similar to intact men). So, perhaps it is not ideal, but it definitely is something worth while looking into for someone who regrets being circ'd.


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## benj (Jun 4, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
True, it is definitely not ideal. However, it's FAR from "get over it since there is nothing you can do anyway". While many thousands of nerves are lost to circ forever, restoration does reverse the process of keratinization (sensitivity loss) as well as giving you back the gliding mechanism; restored men no longer need any additional lubrication (similar to intact men). So, perhaps it is not ideal, but it definitely is something worth while looking into for someone who regrets being circ'd.

I would never do it, it takes too much time and commitment. But it is an option. I do miss the lubrication from being intact, but not enough to restore.

ETA and off-topic







: your kids are beautiful.


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## phrogger (Oct 16, 2006)

I am Erin. I started lurking here and posting a little when I found out my son was a boy. Not for information for me, but for info in helping my case against my husband.

I have older sons from a previous marriage who are intact and even that was a fight with my ex (who is intact himself) I had to convince him to leave our oldest as is, but once he was on board, he completely agreed. My current husband however has been cut as has his son from his previous marriage. In the end, all it took was showing him a video of the procedure and DH said "hell no". So our beautiful 2 week old son is completely intact and will remain as is unless HE makes that decision himself.

Whats interesting is my oldest son is nearly 13 and he made his opinion very clear on the situation. He basically said I would be a horrible mother if I cut off his brothers penis. He wasn't joking either. That is just the opinion of a 12 year old boy.

My MIL is NOT happy about it, and she made some hilarious comments. She told DH that he would regret it because his father had to have a circ in his 20's because he got infections and warts. I laughed and said if he wouldn't have been sleeping around, he wouldn't have had any problems, it had NOTHING to do with his foreskin. Dh looked at me and realized how silly the whole thing was.

So I have 4 bio sons (I had one as a surrogate) and I am pleased to say that ALL my boys are intact. I just wish my step son was as well


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## dianakaye (Mar 20, 2009)

Coming out of lurk-mode: I lurk because all you wise MDCers say the things I want to say much more eloquently.

While I was pregnant I polled just about everyone I could think of about the circ issue (these were my pre-Mothering days). I was completely on the fence. I didn't do it at the hospital and they told my I had 30 days to do it our it wouldn't be covered by my insurance and would be 4000 out of pocket. Luckily I spoke to a friend that was very pro-circ (you'll see why this was lucky). Her arguments were so superficial and ludicrous that I looked a little more into it. We had a well-child check-up on that 30th day and were going to do it. As I changed his diaper just before we left I looked at his beautiful intact penis and I didn't want to go to the appt and told my husband that if he really wanted it done he would have to go the the appt and be with our son as the procedure was done. Luckily he didn't want to go either. I am always so happy when I look at his penis and know that I made a great decision for great reasons.

Now that I am more informed I thank my lucky stars that my intuition was to leave it be. No one has said to my face that they think I'm crazy, but I think they may say it behind my back. Now that I'm informed I am going to make sure everyone I know who is having boy is informed in a very loving way that circumcision is completely unnecessary and harmful. I am compiling and wording a letter that I'll give to loved ones (or strangers) about the important decision.


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## Nandi (Jul 12, 2008)

Wow Diana your story is kind of ironic! Glad you left your little guy the way he was born


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Great story Diana







! What a lucky little man!









I see you are from CA, only about 25% of boys are getting circ'd in CA these days, so intactness there is much more of a norm than some other conservative states.


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## MyBoysBlue (Apr 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SlackerDad* 
(I sometimes wonder if the jokes inserted in some movies or even TV shows about teenage boys having KY jelly or other lubricant around leave European guys puzzled.)


Canadian Girl here and I have been left puzzled. I've only ever been with my intact husband so some movies really leave me puzzled. I remember asking DH what the sock and cream were for in American Pie. This was in my Pre-MDC days. DH says "Not sure he must be cut or something."


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## JordanKX (May 31, 2009)

Hi All! Just saying hello and that, yes, I'm lurking around 
I'm 33, preggers with my first... a little man! I'm going through my local small Catholic hospital, mainly because I'm too much of a worry-wart to go home-birth first round (I know, I know...the support Would've been there), but anyway, small hospital, small OB family practice which has MW's of staff which, naively, I thought that meant they might be a little more, oh, "open".

I'm having my 30wk visit and my OB asks about circ, which of course I say no, she asks why... and as I tell anyone I feel I Might be on the verge of getting in an argument with, It just doesn't seem my right to make a decision about another person's body. To which she says, Well, he'll be a little old when he's able to make that decision - with an incredibly condescending face like, stupid momma, didn't you think about that?

So she gives me the hand-out from the clinic on circ that lists "protects from AIDS" and "your son will look more like other boys". Oh-My-God. This is on a list from an office of MD's? It was almost enough to change clinics.

Enyhoo, it's nice to see so many having intact sons. My DP is circ'ed and his mother says it was his experience that caused her not to circ her next son. DP feels that he's seen nothing to explain WHY to circ, so... why do it? Love this. Love that it's an easy decision. Love that he doesn't feel the "I want him to look like me" thing. Love that he was equally annoyed with my OB.

Just wanted to share!


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## calngavinsmom (Feb 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JordanKX* 
So she gives me the hand-out from the clinic on circ that lists "protects from AIDS" and "your son will look more like other boys". Oh-My-God. This is on a list from an office of MD's? It was almost enough to change clinics.


Hi there, Since you are delivering at a catholic hospital and your OB felt the need to give you a pamphlet.....maybe you could give her one from Catholics Against Circumcision? (or even print some off and leave them in the waiting room ath the hospital?)

Here is a link in case you are interested:
http://catholicsagainstcircumcision.org/

Good luck to you!
Tara


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## MommytoR (Jul 7, 2009)

I just discovered this parenting community. I'm proud to be the mommy of an intact baby boy. tbh, he was born premature and I didn't research circ very much until he was in there... everyone in my family and Dh's family was cut and everyone said you "had" to do it to prevent UTIs... the NICU in the hospital my son stayed in for the majority of his had a the circ room somewhat attached to the NICU and you could hear those poor little boys screaming... My mommy instincts were going off and I didn't want my little boy put through that pain.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I hope you get the chance to read some of the resources especially the Warning to Intact Sons Thread and Possible Seperation Issues thread. Lots of important information on how to keep your ds safe from possible retraction and how to know if there is really an issue to worry about.


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## SaraMum (May 17, 2009)

I am a lurker Mum of an intact son


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)




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## cmtc (Jan 4, 2004)

I used this resource a few years ago when my intact son was a baby and had a UTI at 4 months. He had prenatal hydronephrosis and I was worried about the UTI. I felt like I got so much good information here, and specific help for my questions. Now...I'm back because after 4 years with no problems, he has another UTI. At this point it is much more worrisome since little boys don't generally get them. But I know that all of you mamas (and extremely helpful intact men!) are going to help me get the info I need to face the dr.!

I would post more, I just like to spend more time outside when I can. Love having this when I need it, though, especially since I live in a rural area without a big community of like-minded mamas.


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## GinnyMama (Jun 27, 2008)

I lurk here all the time! I'm not sure why I do it though. My DH is intact, our sons will be left intact... there's not even a question for me. It makes me physically ill to think about the widespread mutilation under the guise of something helpful.







So I'm not really sure why I come to this forum and torture myself. Lol!


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

GinnyMama, you come here to learn all the various reasons people think they have to circumcise so you can educate them to the facts. The more you know, the mor information you can share in an intelligent confident way....and when you sound intelligent and confident, you sound logical and believable - even when the person you are speaking to is sounding irrational. We have to meet a person where they are....and then take them on a learning journey. If you are overwhelmed with emotion, it's hard to be rational. The motivation to circumcise is truly irrational in my opinion. Calmly delivered facts plant seeds in people's minds!

See, we're cultivating the intactivist in you!


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## Beccasteve03 (Mar 1, 2009)

I've posted some here, but mostly I'm a lurker! I'm usually at the VBAC and other birth related boards. I kind of stumbled onto this one and it was so nice to see so many others who are not circumcising their sons. My little guy is the only intact one out of all the boys I know! When I was pregnant with ds we didn't know we were going to have a boy, but hubby and I had several discussions on circumcision. I told hubby that I would prefer not to, but since I didn't have a penis I wanted him to ultimately make the decision. After lots of discussion we decided that we didn't care that our boy would look different from his daddy and that we would keep our baby just they way he was born. I am so happy we came to this decision, but now 2 years later I feel like I almost let my son down since I really didn't fight for not circumcising him! I thought I was educated then, but boy have I learned a lot since he was born. Every day I am so thankful that we didn't, I don't think I would be able to forgive myself if we had!

I also found out from my mom that she didn't have my brother circumcised. Not something that a girl wants to know about her brother







, but now I am really proud of her for protecting him and going against the norm 25 years ago!

Now I







about circumcision as well as my many views on birth. My poor sisters are probably tired of me







, but at least they know where I stand!


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

has been re-opened. Please keep the UA in mind when posting.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

I see some new handles posting, please introduce yourself.


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## TyrantOfTheWeek (May 25, 2009)

I am Mindie...
Dylan is 5 (intact)
Devon is 3 (intact)
Dorothy is 2...(intact)
Derek is due Dec '09 (intact, and will stay that way)

Dylan's bio father had a hissy about me not circing him. But I left his arse for a whole boat load of issues when Dylan was 7 months old and haven't heard from him since.
Current DH isn't too thrilled about my intact decisions, but it hasn't been a "problem"

I am originally from Cincinnati, OH and people looked at me like I have 4 eyeballs when I mentioned NOT circing. I did play a huge part in converting my BFF though.


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## CHoney (Dec 30, 2008)

I'm a Mother of an intact son and used this site for references to help convince my DH that we would not be circing our son, it didn't feel right to me. It broke my heart to see a baby get circ'd, and I graphically described the process to my circ'd DH who couldn't bear to listen and decided against it.









DH is sad that he is circ'd, and wishes he wasn't. But we're making a change for our children.

My DH has 3 younger brothers, 2 weren't circ'd. One had a "problem" with infections and it being too tight and had to get circ'd at 14!!! I would like to know how to prevent this, and if his little brother really needed to be circ'd.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TyrantOfTheWeek* 
I am Mindie...
Dylan is 5 (intact)
Devon is 3 (intact)
Dorothy is 2...(intact)
Derek is due Dec '09 (intact, and will stay that way)

Dylan's bio father had a hissy about me not circing him. But I left his arse for a whole boat load of issues when Dylan was 7 months old and haven't heard from him since.
Current DH isn't too thrilled about my intact decisions, but it hasn't been a "problem"

I am originally from Cincinnati, OH and people looked at me like I have 4 eyeballs when I mentioned NOT circing. I did play a huge part in converting my BFF though.


Welcome to the board, four lucky boys,







that's great! I hope you stick around to contribute.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CHoney* 

My DH has 3 younger brothers, 2 weren't circ'd. One had a "problem" with infections and it being too tight and had to get circ'd at 14!!! I would like to know how to prevent this, and if his little brother really needed to be circ'd.

Welcome to the board! It's hard to say without knowing all the information. For example, did his parents try to 'clean' him as a child which might set up for infection. Tight foreskin isn't really a problem yet at 14 but if one wants, there are steroid creams which resolve such problems pretty easily.


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## Fyrestorm (Feb 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CHoney* 

My DH has 3 younger brothers, 2 weren't circ'd. One had a "problem" with infections and it being too tight and had to get circ'd at 14!!! I would like to know how to prevent this, and if his little brother really needed to be circ'd.


Thank you for stopping the madness in your family!

Unless you BIL had Cancer, Gangrene or Frostbite- then his circumcision at 14 was completely unnecessary. No matter what type of issues he was having there are much less invasive means of treatment. Think about it this way, if his sister was having infections do you think they would have recommended cutting up her genitals?

Infections are usually caused by improper care. Dr.s used to (and the uniformed still do) recommend retracting and cleaning under the foreskin. This is a BIG NO NO!! Imagine pulling back your fingernails and cleaning under them...how long before you got an infection? Would they recommend amputating your fingers? Retraction causes micro tears which are an open invitation to infections...also to scaring which can lead to non eleasticity and finally phimosis.

YOu can avoid all of this by leaving it alone. Wipe it like a finger, outside only. Do not retract EVER and never let anyone else retract him. Especially a Dr. who will tell you that they are just 'taking a peek' or just want 'to see' or 'this is not retracting (as he pulls back your son's foreskin)' As long as your son can pee,there is absolutely nothing to 'see' there. A doctor has absolutely no reason to touch your son's penis - at all!


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## Goodmom2008 (Dec 14, 2008)

I lurk but I do have an intact son. Who is lucky that I waited as long as I did to have kids. Had I had him when I was in my 20s, I would have had him mutilated without even researching the subject.

I thought I was going to have a major battle with my husband at the time, but he came around relatively quickly. Which is a good thing because my son would have been intact even if he hadn't. My son is 10 now and does not retract at all. He used to retract some (he was the one doing the retracting), but not anymore as far as I know (he doesn't exactly go around naked in front of me anymore and really isn't comfortable talking to me about it, but he would tell me if something was bothering him). Which I've read is normal. If there is an issue down the road (which is very rare), the only solutions that will be considered will be ones that don't involve removing the foreskin.

I am very against MGM and think that doctors should start calling it what it is instead of by the socially acceptable term that makes it okay to do. But I think it will be a long time before we get there. I also think that MGM should be made illegal, even for religious reasons. The only exception to this being if it is the adult owner of the penis (the owner is not the parent) is the one choosing to sacrifice part of his body in the name of his religion.

You can always remove the foreskin. But once it's gone, you will never get it back. Not even with foreskin restoration, which will never replace all that was lost.


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## pantufla (Jun 7, 2007)

I am not new, but I haven't posted much (ok, at all) for the last 10 months. So, hello again.


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## TyrantOfTheWeek (May 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fellow Traveler* 
Welcome to the board, four lucky boys,







that's great! I hope you stick around to contribute.

LOL, Dorothy is my daughter...I was being silly when I said she was intact....


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## CHoney (Dec 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fellow Traveler* 
Welcome to the board! It's hard to say without knowing all the information. For example, did his parents try to 'clean' him as a child which might set up for infection. Tight foreskin isn't really a problem yet at 14 but if one wants, there are steroid creams which resolve such problems pretty easily.

Hi, thank you for informing me on other options so my DS won't have to be circ'd when he is older. This was a major reason why my DH wanted to have DS circ'd, but his other brother has had no problems being intact.


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## CHoney (Dec 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fyrestorm* 
Unless you BIL had Cancer, Gangrene or Frostbite- then his circumcision at 14 was completely unnecessary. No matter what type of issues he was having there are much less invasive means of treatment. Think about it this way, if his sister was having infections do you think they would have recommended cutting up her genitals?

Infections are usually caused by improper care. Dr.s used to (and the uniformed still do) recommend retracting and cleaning under the foreskin. This is a BIG NO NO!! Imagine pulling back your fingernails and cleaning under them...how long before you got an infection? Would they recommend amputating your fingers? Retraction causes micro tears which are an open invitation to infections...also to scaring which can lead to non eleasticity and finally phimosis.

YOu can avoid all of this by leaving it alone. Wipe it like a finger, outside only. Do not retract EVER and never let anyone else retract him. Especially a Dr. who will tell you that they are just 'taking a peek' or just want 'to see' or 'this is not retracting (as he pulls back your son's foreskin)' As long as your son can pee,there is absolutely nothing to 'see' there. A doctor has absolutely no reason to touch your son's penis - at all!

I agree! It seems silly to "have" to get circ'd when you're older. I'm not sure if they asked for another opinion or not, but I would have. Ouch!!!

Thank you for letting me know NOT to retract DS. I'll make sure I keep an eye on our doctor too. DH is circ'd so he doesn't have experience taking care of an intact penis. I'll give him the analogy of the fingernail though.


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## 2sw33t (Oct 22, 2009)

Hi,
I'm Jill. I have one daughter (17 months) and a boy on the way. I brought the whole circ issue up with my DH this past weekend, pretty much knowing what his response would be (an irrational demand that his son be circ'ed for hygienic reasons and to be like him).

I figured I would bring it up once a week until we get this resolved. He brought it up last night ("By the way, our son WILL be circumcised"), and I asked him why he wanted to do that. He made a comment related to how I apparently feel about his genitals, so I told him, that's not it at all - I don't want a procedure like that done on my newborn son. He replied that we don't have to do it right way, and I responded that I'd rather put it off but I don't want it done at all.

Now I'm wondering if I should let the issue go for a little bit, since he's already given in a little, and hope that he brings it up again when he's willing to talk about it more - maybe get used to the idea for a while. I've still got 4 months to go, and since I think we can avoid fighting about it at the hospital now, I feel like I've got some time. I just don't want him to think that there's going to be a compromise here.

Always,
Jill


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## jessafina (Oct 26, 2009)

Hi Jill,
I totally get where you're coming from. My husband wanted to circumcise if we had a boy and he kept saying that it was just a "gut feeling" that it was the right thing to do. He was offended when I told him that in this case his "gut" wasn't good enough, I needed his reasons. I would periodically make my case, but never argue. I'd just state any new reasons that I found not to, explain why I felt the way I felt, debunk any lame medical excuses, etc and leave it at that. This was against my nature, I typically am one to force a discussion, but I knew that this was a very sensitive issue and that arguing was only going to be off-putting.
I think we also both thought that maybe we'd have a girl and not have to think about it.
At the birth center they were telling us why the like to give a potassium shot and one of the reasons is to help the blood clot if parents decide to cirumcise and he paused and then said "we're not circumcising him". I would have jumped for joy if I hadn't just finished a 30 hour labor. Instead I kissed him and cried and then stared at my perfect little boy with his perfect little penis and was so proud of my husband.
4 months is a long time. Be patient and gentle, it's definitely a subject that is best to finesse rather than force. Hopefully he is open to any reasons that you bring up. Is he able to present any solid reasoning for circumcising? That's what it came down to for us--- all my husband had was his "gut" but he knew that there was no true reason to do it and ultimately I think it was his logical side that won out.


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## 2sw33t (Oct 22, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessafina* 
Hopefully he is open to any reasons that you bring up. Is he able to present any solid reasoning for circumcising? That's what it came down to for us--- all my husband had was his "gut" but he knew that there was no true reason to do it and ultimately I think it was his logical side that won out.

Unfortunately, logic is not my husband's strong suit. If you know Myers-Briggs temperaments - he's an ENFP. He makes decisions based on subjective feelings and values (basically, his "gut"), so I need to find some way to put things in those terms for him - which (as an INTP) is not _my_ strong suit. If I can get him to watch some of the videos of a circumcision, that might help, but I think he'll be more willing to respond to it if he decides to look on his own.

Always,
Jill


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Have either of you watched the Penn and Teller circumcision episode?


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## jessafina (Oct 26, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fellow Traveler* 
Have either of you watched the Penn and Teller circumcision episode?

No, but I saw it mentioned somewhere else on here as well. I don't know what it is, but I'll do an web search for it and check it out.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessafina* 
No, but I saw it mentioned somewhere else on here as well. I don't know what it is, but I'll do an web search for it and check it out.

Season 3 Episode 1, see more here. You can rent it from netflix or elsewhere.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

The only medical reasons for circ are frostbite, gangrene and cancer so as you can imagine the odds of him needing circed now or later are very very low. Let it rest and when it comes up again talk to him in the end it is your decision to make only you can sign the consent in the hospital after you leave that changes though.


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## simplybecca (Oct 27, 2009)

Hi Jill,

My husband wanted to have our ds cut, for "hygiene" and "it is what we do in this country" reasons. He was adament that he never suffered (or his brothers) from any negative affects and does not remember the pain because "Hey, that was 41 years ago."

I had a home birth so that put the actual event of mutalation 6 months further down the road. When my son did eventually turn 6 months old, my husband and I were driving to dinner having a happy convo when he asked me when I was going to call the surgeon and make arrangements to have it done. It got really icey in the car suddenly as I went dead silent.

Finally, he asked what was wrong. I told him that I was not going to make the call. If he wanted it done, he would have to make the appointment, take him to the office, buy formula as I would not continue to breastfeed (I know - that was really low,) and he would have to take a month off of work as I would not change the diapers and deal with a mangled penis (I know - even lower.)

In the back of my mind I knew this back door approach of getting my way would work though - and it did. I had tried logic and education. I showed him the mutalation video. I had tried everything else. It was my only and last ditch effort I had. My son's penis is whole.

My husband and I still have heated debates (I won't call them fights) about it. My husband is convinced that one day both my son and I are going to be very sorry that he was not circumcised. He is constantly throwing stats of this or that at me. My favorite is the one about men in Africa clamoring to be circ'd now because of some HIV statistic that is out there. Hmmm, couldn't be a life style choice there - no it is because the men are intact that they have a high HIV rate....

I'm very thankful that my third and last baby was a girl. AND I am extremely thankful that my first was a girl as I was not as educated, had her in the hospital, and my husband would have had his way.

I wish my husband and I were in agreement, I hate that we have this one sore point between us, but it is worth it for my son't sake.

Peace.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *simplybecca* 
Hi Jill,

My husband wanted to have our ds cut, for "hygiene" and "it is what we do in this country" reasons. He was adament that he never suffered (or his brothers) from any negative affects and does not remember the pain because "Hey, that was 41 years ago."

I had a home birth so that put the actual event of mutalation 6 months further down the road. When my son did eventually turn 6 months old, my husband and I were driving to dinner having a happy convo when he asked me when I was going to call the surgeon and make arrangements to have it done. It got really icey in the car suddenly as I went dead silent.

Finally, he asked what was wrong. I told him that I was not going to make the call. If he wanted it done, he would have to make the appointment, take him to the office, buy formula as I would not continue to breastfeed (I know - that was really low,) and he would have to take a month off of work as I would not change the diapers and deal with a mangled penis (I know - even lower.)

In the back of my mind I knew this back door approach of getting my way would work though - and it did. I had tried logic and education. I showed him the mutalation video. I had tried everything else. It was my only and last ditch effort I had. My son's penis is whole.

My husband and I still have heated debates (I won't call them fights) about it. My husband is convinced that one day both my son and I are going to be very sorry that he was not circumcised. He is constantly throwing stats of this or that at me. My favorite is the one about men in Africa clamoring to be circ'd now because of some HIV statistic that is out there. Hmmm, couldn't be a life style choice there - no it is because the men are intact that they have a high HIV rate....

I'm very thankful that my third and last baby was a girl. AND I am extremely thankful that my first was a girl as I was not as educated, had her in the hospital, and my husband would have had his way.

I wish my husband and I were in agreement, I hate that we have this one sore point between us, but it is worth it for my son't sake.

Peace.

Your son will probably feel like he dodged a bullet.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I want to remind everyone of the TCAC guidelines:

Quote:

This is not a space to bash others. In an effort to minimize language which might alienate those seeking information, we are cautious about using pejorative terms such as abuse, barbarism, mutilation, etc. when routinely discussing circumcision. Let the facts speak for themselves.


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## SilvanaRose (Feb 19, 2009)

Hello, I'm sort of a lurker here mainly because I'm due in a month and we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. I am from Canada where circ is not so common anymore but I'm living in WA with my DH who is a US citizen and it seems as though the entire population around here has a pro-circ mentality. We planned to have the baby in Canada but I'm not allowed to leave the US while the green card process is underway and so it looks like we are having it here now.

I brought up the circ issue with DH when we first found out I was pregnant and it was the most heated argument we have ever had. I told him that under no circumstances will our son (if it is a boy) be circ'd. His main argument for circ'ing is his religious beliefs which I believe is his way of winning the argument as there is no real rebuttal against that. In the end and after many words, he agreed to leave it up to our child. My argument was that it is not our decision to change or alter in any way that which belongs to the body it is attached to, not ours. I told him that if our son wanted it done later on that I would be happy to take him provided he knows that is actually what he wants. So we never talked about it again after that.

A little backround....My IL's have felt from the beginning that they have a say as to what happens with 'their' grandchildren. Everything from handing us a list of BOYS names that they 'approve', to parenting choices, to toys, to colours for the baby's room lol. They live 20 min away and they drive me nuts (that's putting it nicely).

Well, last weekend they brought up circumcision. I don't even remember how they brought it up but we were sitting at the dinner table and MIL says:
"It's definitely best to do it to them when they are babies and don't know any better" I was floored!
My reply: "Well that won't be a problem anyway"
FIL: "What do you mean?"
Me: "We won't be circ'ing"
MIL and FIL: "WHAT!? You can't do that! You NEED to circ!"
Me: "Um, no we don't. We have already discussed this and I don't feel it's necessary to put a baby through that kind of pain"
MIL: "They don't remember anyway and it's not like they feel it"
FIL: "You HAVE to do it! All boys need to be circ'd and it prevents HIV and other things!"
Me: "Actually no it doesn't. I have done A LOT of research on this and it's not medically necessary! In Canada you have a hard time finding a doctor in a lot of places who will perform one anymore, And it's even more rare in many European countries."
MIL looking at me like I'm from another planet...
FIL: "Well it's not like Canada blah blah blah" Something about Canada being a third world country basically.....I'm not kidding.
FIL: "That's disgusting! It's DIRTY!"
Me: "It was put there for a damn reason and there is no way I'm cutting it off and that's that!"
FIL: "My grandson blah blah blah......" he mumbled it and I couldn't hear.

Meanwhile my DH is looking at me like I have just talked back to God Almighty himself. I was left feeling completely isolated and I almost wanted to cry. The rest of the night wasn't quite the same. Everyone was uncomfortable.

I know what I'm going to say if they EVER decide to bring it up again but I'm having issues with everything else too. I do not want them to be a big part of my life and some part of me is worried that they will have a huge influence on their son (my DH). Has anyone else had issues about defending your decision to your IL's?

I guess my introduction was more of a vent/question lol...


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## dollysods (Sep 16, 2007)

Am a doctor-- have been trained to do circs. Would never ever ever have my son circ'd and discourage it. Still trying to figure out on where I stand on parent's right to make medical decisions for the child vs. personally refusing to perform them due to belief it is genital mutilation... had the issue brought up by an anthropology prof in college and have been anti-circ since.


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## Fyrestorm (Feb 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dollysods* 
Am a doctor-- have been trained to do circs. Would never ever ever have my son circ'd and discourage it. Still trying to figure out on where I stand on parent's right to make medical decisions for the child vs. personally refusing to perform them due to belief it is genital mutilation... had the issue brought up by an anthropology prof in college and have been anti-circ since.


The child is your patient...not the parent. You have to do what is in the best interest of your patient. It is unethical to solicit or do cosmetic surgery on a non consenting person. The child is certainly not consenting. First - Do no harm.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SilvanaRose* 
Hello, I'm sort of a lurker here mainly because I'm due in a month and we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. I am from Canada where circ is not so common anymore but I'm living in WA with my DH who is a US citizen and it seems as though the entire population around here has a pro-circ mentality. We planned to have the baby in Canada but I'm not allowed to leave the US while the green card process is underway and so it looks like we are having it here now.

I brought up the circ issue with DH when we first found out I was pregnant and it was the most heated argument we have ever had. I told him that under no circumstances will our son (if it is a boy) be circ'd. His main argument for circ'ing is his religious beliefs which I believe is his way of winning the argument as there is no real rebuttal against that. In the end and after many words, he agreed to leave it up to our child. My argument was that it is not our decision to change or alter in any way that which belongs to the body it is attached to, not ours. I told him that if our son wanted it done later on that I would be happy to take him provided he knows that is actually what he wants. So we never talked about it again after that.

A little backround....My IL's have felt from the beginning that they have a say as to what happens with 'their' grandchildren. Everything from handing us a list of BOYS names that they 'approve', to parenting choices, to toys, to colours for the baby's room lol. They live 20 min away and they drive me nuts (that's putting it nicely).

Well, last weekend they brought up circumcision. I don't even remember how they brought it up but we were sitting at the dinner table and MIL says:
"It's definitely best to do it to them when they are babies and don't know any better" I was floored!
My reply: "Well that won't be a problem anyway"
FIL: "What do you mean?"
Me: "We won't be circ'ing"
MIL and FIL: "WHAT!? You can't do that! You NEED to circ!"
Me: "Um, no we don't. We have already discussed this and I don't feel it's necessary to put a baby through that kind of pain"
MIL: "They don't remember anyway and it's not like they feel it"
FIL: "You HAVE to do it! All boys need to be circ'd and it prevents HIV and other things!"
Me: "Actually no it doesn't. I have done A LOT of research on this and it's not medically necessary! In Canada you have a hard time finding a doctor in a lot of places who will perform one anymore, And it's even more rare in many European countries."
MIL looking at me like I'm from another planet...
FIL: "Well it's not like Canada blah blah blah" Something about Canada being a third world country basically.....I'm not kidding.
FIL: "That's disgusting! It's DIRTY!"
Me: "It was put there for a damn reason and there is no way I'm cutting it off and that's that!"
FIL: "My grandson blah blah blah......" he mumbled it and I couldn't hear.

Meanwhile my DH is looking at me like I have just talked back to God Almighty himself. I was left feeling completely isolated and I almost wanted to cry. The rest of the night wasn't quite the same. Everyone was uncomfortable.

I know what I'm going to say if they EVER decide to bring it up again but I'm having issues with everything else too. I do not want them to be a big part of my life and some part of me is worried that they will have a huge influence on their son (my DH). Has anyone else had issues about defending your decision to your IL's?

I guess my introduction was more of a vent/question lol...

Welcome to the board.







Your son is such a lucky boy to have parents who are standing up for him. I thought it was a good intro by the way. Might I suggest that you post the question to the forum in its own thread? There are others here with similar stories and I am sure they'll contribute but if it's buried in this thread it might get overlooked.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dollysods* 
Am a doctor-- have been trained to do circs. Would never ever ever have my son circ'd and discourage it. Still trying to figure out on where I stand on parent's right to make medical decisions for the child vs. personally refusing to perform them due to belief it is genital mutilation... had the issue brought up by an anthropology prof in college and have been anti-circ since.

Welcome to the board dollysods. It's nice to have a doctor introduce herself. I wouldn't mind talking about this issue with you and seeing where it would lead. The problem is we can't debate here. (Even though it seems clear that you are personally against it). I'd say if you're personally refusing to do them yourself and so long as you're explaining that as best you can, and don't provide a referral, you've got the bases covered.

I see it like this, if the west were innocent of circumcision and it was presented on the grounds it is now (the purported benefits) what would the reaction be?


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## hakunangovi (Feb 15, 2002)

SilvanaRose, Good for you for sticking up for your son. Some day he will thank you!!


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## purplemamaturtle5 (Dec 10, 2008)

My first son was circ'd due to my husband and I not knowing any better, but now I am pregnant with our second son and this time we know better!! My family seems to be pretty against it, and so was my husband at first, but after he did his research he's on my side now







We know what is right and that is all that matters. My son had some minor issues when he was circ'd and my husband has very distinctive scarring due to his circ. and we just think it would be best not to put our new little one through any of that. (We also are not circ. due to our religious beliefs) Yay. for all the lucky little boys to come!!


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## cmtc (Jan 4, 2004)

Hi, I'm Chris. This forum has been a HUGE help for me with my son. First, it gave me the information to tell dh and keep our baby intact. Then, when he had a UTI at 4 months, more help and info to take to the dr. He didn't have any more trouble until this summer (at almost 5 yr), when he had another UTI. I found more good stuff, especially how to deal with a VCUG, and fortunately he is fine (maybe mild reflux but we don't know for sure since he couldn't void for the test). I'm not a big poster but I love it as a resource or pick-me-up! Thanks, everybody!


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

I am seeing a lot of new folks so







introduce yourself.


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## Pirogi (Apr 5, 2007)

I am not sure if I am a lurker so much as just busy!









I have one daughter, and my husband was born in Russia and is intact. My first exposure to circumcision was when my brother was circumcised. I remember that it looked terrible and painful and scary, and when I asked my mom, she acted like it was completely normal and ok. I remember feeling a little scared and upset that she knew and allowed this to happen to my brother, but her calm, matter-of-fact attitude caused me to doubt my natural reaction, and circumcision became normalized for me. I was 7.

Shortly after I met my husband, my views on circumcision were challenged again. Somehow I had come across some reading on FGM, and I was deeply disturbed by it. I talked to my husband about it, and how awful it was, and how could anyone do that to their little girl?? He said, it happens to boys all the time. I said, but that's different. He said, how? How, indeed. I went home and researched online for a few hours, and became adamantly against circumcision for all people. I am so thankful that my husband is intact and nudged me to find out the truth about circumcision.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I lurk here. I have an intact 2 year old boy and any future boys will be too! Haven't had any problems and have a good, knowledegable family doctor (who came from the UK, actually) who said the majority of her boy patients are intact.









I have relatives who are supportive, a few who are a bit baffled, and 1 who is "concerned" about the "HIV risk," but understands that my son can choose for himself when he's an adult. (IMO, those studies are bunk anyway; and I think there are plenty of other ways to prevent HIV. But this is a relative who had close friends die of HIV, so he's very concerned about it in general, which I try to respect.)


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## brant31 (Jan 11, 2009)

Hi All,

I'm one of your minority of male members. I have read the boards on a wide variety of topics for a few years now







, actually, and formally registered about a year ago. They've been a tremendous resource in my outreach work. I know some of you in person and a few others may recognize me, though I use my middle name here. I've been an ardent intactivist since high school







, actually doing a research paper on circumcision for my senior year with the resources at the Library of Congress







-- and let me tell you, those resources were meager when I started. But I sat there every week for months as a 17-year-old duly researching why we were doing this crazy thing to ourselves.









I appear a number of times in the PBS-aired video _Whose Body, Whose Rights?_ -- now in 6 parts on youtube -- and have been involved with parenting and childcare issues for just about all my adult life. I'm passionate about doing right by our kids; they're our future.









My friends are well aware of my intactivist stance, and I estimate that I've saved about 200 boys from being routinely circumcised. I've worked so many fairs, parades, conferences and symposia that I've long since lost track of numbers







. The first few years, I just absorbed all I could, but more recently I'm not hesitating to speak out. As you can imagine, I have about a million anecdotes, and from time to time I'll bore y'all with a story or two.
















The only one I'll share here today fills me with pride. If Sherman will kindly set the WABAC machine a few years back, we'll find ourselves sitting in a riverboat restaurant in Cincinnati as my college roommate fills me in on the impending birth of his first child. He detailed the whole birth plan they'd worked out, and I asked him what they were thinking about circumcision. He was caught off guard that there was even anything to think about; they were just automatically going to circumcise. So, I briefly launched into my first-ever spiel about how unnecessary and harmful it was, and how his son would thank him later for having the presence of mind to actively keep him intact. I'd brought some reading material, and my buddy said he'd review it with me later that night after his wife had gone to bed. He wanted to know it thoroughly before even bringing up the issue with her. I'll save the long story for another day, but... tomorrow my brilliant, handsome, accomplished godson leaves behind his teen years and turns 20.







He's intact, like his younger brother, and very, very glad to be. We're very close, and recently he's asked me how and why I'm involved with intactivism, so pretty soon he's going to learn the drill. I hope he influences many of his friends and of course keeps his own children intact when he becomes a dad. Billy was my first "save" and I could not be prouder of the fine young man he's become. I'm so proud of his folks, too, for going against the convention of the day and holding steady in the face of disapproval/doubt from just about every corner.









And finally, I'm in awe of the unity and sharing of information here.







You truly are Mama Bears when it comes to protecting your kids and educating yourselves and your families and friends.


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## Night_Nurse (Nov 23, 2007)

Brant31,
Your story inspires me and gives me hope!


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## honey3 (Jul 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Night_Nurse* 
Brant31,
Your story inspires me and gives me hope!

Ditto! So wonderful.


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## anne1140 (Apr 10, 2007)

I am a lurker, and have posted maybe a handful of times.

I don't have any kids yet, but I will definitely not be circumcising. I hadn't really thought about it until a few years ago. As I do with practically everything, I began researching it when DH and I started discussing TTC. I quickly came to the conclusion that it was not anything that I wanted any part of. I tried to talk to DH about it, and of course, he shot me down right away. Basically like, I'm on board with most of your "weird" stuff, but this is taking it too far.

I brought it up a couple more times after that, to test the water, so to speak. He didn't really want to talk about it. Then, lo and behold, he decided to research HIMSELF without even telling me, and ever since, he's been totally on board.
















Ever since that happened about three years ago, I'm becoming more and more pro-intact. It's one of the "parenting" things I am extremely adamant about. (CIO is the other one. Obviously against.)

Still TTC that baby, though.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
I lurk here. I have an intact 2 year old boy and any future boys will be too! Haven't had any problems and have a good, knowledegable family doctor (who came from the UK, actually) who said the majority of her boy patients are intact.









I love hearing stories like this. It makes me think that there are more lucky boys than we think.









Glad to see so many check in, I hope to see you all contribute more in the future.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)




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## Umpqua (Apr 11, 2008)

I've lurked here for years and just started posting on the boards. I've learned so much from your threads here! Both of my sons are intact. With the first one we honestly had no clue what to do. When DH and I started to research, I came upon this board among many other resources. It was really a no-brainer for us. Once we saw how barbaric and unnecessary circ is, I've really become an opponent of it to anyone who will listen.

Oh, and my DH is circed (child of the early 70s) and he was completely open to our sons "not looking like him" LOL. In fact, he has no idea if his father is circed or not and I don't know about mine either! We also talked about the locker room argument (as a woman I honestly had no clue). He told me "guys do anything they can to avoid looking at each other's privates in those situations."

Thanks for all the wonderful info you've provided me over the years!


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## laughingfox (Dec 13, 2005)

Hiya!

I lurk here because I'm on a few other mainstream message boards and every now and then I just need a breath of fresh air.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Just a quick reminder.
Per the TCAC guidelines:

Quote:

The discussion of or reference to religion is outside of the scope of this forum. Any posts which bring any aspect of religion into the discussion are not appropriate and will be removed. Respectful discussion of a religious nature regarding circumcision, alternatives, etc. may be hosted in the Spirituality forum. The Spirituality forum is a debate-free zone. Members maintain a list of helpful websites in a Web Resources thread for further information about religious issues.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)

Hey there! I love it when the lurkers come out.







Please consider contributing more from time to time.


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## Fellow Traveler (Jan 8, 2008)




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