# How do you feel if someone uses YOUR babys name?



## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Hi all. I have been wondering about something. I had a loss at 12 weeks and i knew right from the start who this baby was and what she wanted her name to be. The name i chose isnt very common so i dont hear it much. The rare occasions that i see it in sigs it makes me a little sad. Which made me wonder how anyone who has lost would feel about someone usuing thier babys name. If they knew you and knew about your loss would you be flattered? saddened? angered?


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## egoldber (Nov 18, 2002)

It does make me sad. Part of the loss was losing her name. I loved Leah's name and was so looking forward to having a daughter with that name. Fortunately its not that common.

If someone close to me used the name I probably would be upset, especially if they didn't mention it ahead of time. I just can't imagine hvaing to see/interact with another child named Leah on a regular basis.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

See i am thinking if i had to be around the child it would be hard. But i think if someone were to say "i want to use this name to honor your child" i would be okay - um especially if i didnt have to hear the name all the time.

I am glad you brougth this up

*"Part of the loss was losing her name. I loved Leah's name and was so looking forward to having a daughter with that name."*

I had already figured out how my dds nickname and this nickname would sound together. I imagined calling this name up the stairs for breakfast etc.


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## mommyofannaisaac (Jun 6, 2006)

After I lost my son at full term due to delivery complications- I met a friend of my friends and she had also lost a son only a few months before me. I named my baby Isaac Scott and I loved the name! The friend that I met had named her baby Jacob Israel. Now she is pregnant again and if her new baby is a boy she is going to name him Jaden( after Jacob) Isaac(after my son) and I think it is very sweet of her! It probably would be different for me if I had to hear a baby called Isaac all the time though.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

It makes me feel like crap. My own sister used my son's name for her child's middle name when I had specifically asked her not to. I haven't spoken to her since her baby was born almost a year ago.

I realize this sounds terrible but I feel like all I had of my son was his name one little photo. And this is the latest in the long line of hurts my family has dealt me, so I'm backing off of extended family for now.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom*
It makes me feel like crap. My own sister used my son's name for her child's middle name when I had specifically asked her not to. I haven't spoken to her since her baby was born almost a year ago.

I realize this sounds terrible but I feel like all I had of my son was his name one little photo. And this is the latest in the long line of hurts my family has dealt me, so I'm backing off of extended family for now.

Wow, that is cruel after you asked her not to


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

After my second miscarriage, right around when I was really beginning to think I'd never get a baby, a friend got pregnant. I was happy for her of course, but I thought it was really insensitive of her to start sending me her on-line pregnancy journal entries. One in particular made me almost stop wanting to be her friend: the one that showed the ultrasound picture, complete with the caption using the name we used, "Our Little Jellybean." Seems silly, but that really hit me in the gut.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

For me, the name of my child is very special. I hand picked it out because of it's meaning, it's idea of who it remindes me of, and how it fits into my family. But, I really don't care if everyone used the same name for their child, family or not.

For me, my child is ~insert name here~ and if someone else uses the same name, that is there child. There are just not enough unique names in the world for me to be so selfish as to think that I am the only one able to use it. (I don't mean to infer that you are selfish, but that is just how I would feel.)


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## tracylhl (Jul 14, 2005)

I always have a pang of hurt and sadness, but I realize that although the name is very important to me, others around me likely never knew the meaning it held for me. Occasionally, I will tell them, but usually I just look at it as a sign that my little one is still in my life and watching me from above. Now, if my sister were to use the name, I would be very hurt. Afterall, she would never name her child the same as one of my living children. Why would it be okay for her to name them after one that has passed away?


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## melmo (Aug 3, 2006)

I have had two losses and no babies yet. My second was Kailtlynn Rae and my sister had a baby girl just 3 years later and used her name!!! I was so upset and even spoke to her about it but she said I couldn't claim it because I didn't have the baby! Now I have to look at a baby girl that even looks like me and hear her name for the rest of my life. It's as if mine never existed!!!


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

The insensitivity of some people is astounding. But, perhaps you could change your view on this, for your own sake.

Your sister now has a child with the same name as your lost child. You said this child looks like you. Perhaps, with time, you can come to love this child more than you realize. The name of your daughter is being carried on, in someone that could possibly look just like her. What better way for her memory to live on.

Sorry if I offend you, I am not trying to be insensitive, but it was just a though. Perhaps it would help you to deal with the whole issue.


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## melmo (Aug 3, 2006)

That is a good way of looking at it. I will try to think of it that way. Thank you.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

It doesn't bother me at all. I've never felt like anyone "owns" particular names.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *melmo*
My second was Kailtlynn Rae and my sister had a baby girl just 3 years later and used her name!!!

Oh, I'd be pissed, and hurt. Why did she do that? It's such an unusual name; it's not like she can say she thought it up independent of your baby.


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## egoldber (Nov 18, 2002)

For me, its not that I feel like I "own" the name, but missing the name is part of missing her.







And it doesn't bother me if its someone I don't know or I'm not close to. But if a family member or close friend decided to use the name without at least talking to me first, I would be very hurt.


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## Jenns_3_babies (May 26, 2006)

with my last m/c at 10 weeks, I knew it was a girl. I had the name picked, started referring to the baby by name and other's knew of it. With both of my kids, I knew from as soon as I saw the 2nd line on the hpt what they were. Mother's instinct I guess.

My lost daughter's name was Tierra Casmire. I'm not spanish or anything. I liked how it sounded. Tierra is land/earth in spanish, and my DD name is Skye. I thought it was neat.

I think if I were to have another girl, I would pick that name again. Maybe part of thinking that my lost little one made it's way back to me.

I'd be upset if someone I knew used that name after I told them about it. I came up with it on my one.


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## KnittingMama (Nov 30, 2005)

We chose a name after we miscarried, and it is very uncommon, so I don't think I'll have to deal with it very often. That being said, the week after we miscarried, I was watching a movie and one of the characters names was Malachi. It stung when they used his full name, but mostly they just called him Chi, so I didn't have to listen to it for a full two hours. Right now the thing that stings the most is that it seems like everyone I know is either getting pregnant or giving birth so I'm feeling a little lost in the shuffle.


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## surf mama (Jan 8, 2005)

I think if a close friend or family member knowingly uses the name it is rude and insensitive. And it is painful.


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## MissAbbyRosesMamma (Apr 28, 2006)

i had a VERY uneasy pregnancy that ended in m/c when i was still in hs which i had decided to name amanda marie after my best friend, the only one who was there for me at the time. i think of her from time to time and think of what could have been when im with my friend but-and i know this doesnt apply to everyone-i know what i have now in my life i wouldnt and maybe it turned out the way it did for a reason...i cant explain it good, but to answer your question no, but i do tend to count my blessings when i hear the name.

and i call my friend shoogar, not amanda...


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## Lillianna (Feb 14, 2006)

My sister named her dog Charlie - which is my dh's grandfather's name, we had picked in case it was a boy. Then, to make matters worse, my dad sent everyone an email saying "Introducing our new grandson" with photos of the dog! Yeah, it hurt. I did tell my father and he apologized, but noone really seems to understand what I am going through. My sister also faced infertility, but now one set of triplets and 2 other children later, I think she has forgotton alot of the pain.


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## DesireeH (Mar 22, 2003)

Quote:

I think if a close friend or family member knowingly uses the name it is rude and insensitive. And it is painful.
When I was 10 years old my mom lost my brother, whom they named Jevin, at 41 weeks (cord wrapped around his neck.) Fast forward 12 years later, I was pregnant with my first and at my u/s they announced it was a boy and my mom was there. We went to lunch afterward and DH and I asked her about using his name for him as a memory and I told her if it would hurt her at all, to please tell us. She said she had always loved that name and would be happy to have her grandson share it. She does see our DS on a weekly basis and seems 100% fine with it. When he was newborn she was holding him and I did hear her call him "Jevin Earl" which was my brothers middle name. Then she said "oops, I mean Jevin Ezra" I didnt want her to feel like we "replaced" him but I did want to honor his memory.


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## egoldber (Nov 18, 2002)

Honestly, I think that's a very different situation. Your mother has had many, many years to process her grief and integrate her loss. And you talked with her in a sensitive and loving way about the choice beforehand. I think that naming your son Jevin is a beautiful tribute both to your mother and to your brother.

But it could/would have been very different if her sister (for example) had named a little boy Jevin soon after her loss without even talking about it with her. That would have probably been a harsh blow.

But if one of my daughters one day wanted to name a baby girl Leah in honor of their sister, I would think that was a beautiful thing. It would make me very happy to one day have a granddaughter named Leah.


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## starparticle (Jun 30, 2005)

There have recently been more "luna's" around and it makes me a bit uneasy - specially since her name is all we really have.

Then, strangely, when Leif was born we couldn't come up with a name for 2 weeks. We landed with Leif, then remembered it was the name our friend's son who passed away. We still used it - we told his parents and they say they are touched (I hope they are okay with it!!!).


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

"Phoenix" was a very odd name in 1987 and I was constantly being told that I should name my baby something else, and that I certainly couldn't use that name for a boy even if I was cruel enough to use it for a girl.

How interesting that in 2006 it is a boy's name and a very common one at that.

My son had a friend named Phoenix when he was about seven and it made me feel good. I complimented the mother on her choice of names but never told her why.

It did make me feel kind of strange when I saw a sig on MDC of a mother with a girl who had that name, but spelled it "Fenix". For some inexplicable reason I felt much better after I read the child's birth story and knew a bit more about the mother.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

I had a friend named Phoenix and my cousin is named Luna. Both are spectacular people.


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## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

Well i have been on the other end somewhat, my sil had a girl, than 3 years later i had a boy and named him Jacob Thomas, i chose Jacob out of the bible (i am not religious at all) but really liked the name. Well i never heard the end of it! That was the name she chose if she was going to have a boy she was naming it Jacob. She also says she told me. I do not recall her ever telling me.
So flash forward to last year she had a boy (11 years after mine) and went on about how i stoled her name! (she kind of says it joking but i know she isn't) i said go ahead name him Jacob i don't care i don't own the name geez.


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