# How do you handle the "mine" phase



## Kamie (Jul 10, 2006)

My 20 month old loves to declare things "mine" and will run the other way when you try and take something out of his hand that he should not have. I try and keep everything un-toddler proof out of his reach but this is not always possible. I am also starting to here him get possesive over my breasts and his toys. Do I just ignore this phase? Kamie


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

If it's something he can't have, then I take it and say "this is not for you to play with", or "this is Mama's", then hand him something that he can play with and say " this is yours and you can have it".

At a later age, I also started to say "you may give that to me, or I will have to take it from you". Strangely, it works. Ninety percent of the time, if I give him a minute to think about it, he hands it back to me.


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## Jenlaana (Oct 28, 2005)

My daughter does this too. She just ran off with a half finished cloth diaper for the newborn in fact (who is not here yet) and said "Mine mine mine" over and oer again. I just handed her something that I finished sewing that was hers, and said "no, that is not for you honey. Would you like this instead?" and firmly but gently swapped the items out with her.

She does it in a lot of situations though, including grabbing scissors and knitting needles and all sorts of other things that she should not be able to actually reach but somehow gets "go go gadget hands" and grabs anyways.


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## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

I don't actually take things from DD because that would just start a fight. What I do instead is tell her, "actually those scissors are mommy's, can I have them please?" and I hold out my hand for them until she hands them to me. If she won't give them to me, I reiterate that they are mine and they aren't for Sophie because they are sharp (or whatever). Sometimes it takes quite a while to get them back but I try to just keep asking for them over and over. YMMV depending on the temperment of your DC though. Sometimes I do trade her for something that she can have too. Depends on the situation I guess.


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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

Ah yes, the "mine" phase. Geez, this parenting thing is full of fun stuff, isn't it









Just do as the pp have said, gently but firmly explain that No, that item belongs to (whoever) and tell her to give it to you, take it if necessary.

As for your breasts, dd went through this too and I had to explain to her that no, they were mommy's, even though she was still nursing. And occasionally now we have the "Yes I'm your mommy, but I'm also Gabriel and Cameron's mommy too."

You're going to feel like a broken record for a little while, but they do grow out of it. I promise.

What I found the hardest (and we still have occasional issues with it) was getting her to allow others to play with her toys. Especially if she's tired, she will sometimes get really upset if her little friends play with her toys. Now, if it's a special toy (like her stuffed kittys) I might help the other little one find something else, because those are her comfort items and it's not fair to make her part with them, but other stuff I will say to her that "Yes it's your toy, but you need to give your friend (name) a turn. When (name) is done, then you can play with it." And that usually means she'll now sit on my lap until she's over it, or so-and-so is done with the item, but she does get it.

Hope that helps.


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalaland42* 
I don't actually take things from DD because that would just start a fight. What I do instead is tell her, "actually those scissors are mommy's, can I have them please?" and I hold out my hand for them until she hands them to me. If she won't give them to me, I reiterate that they are mine and they aren't for Sophie because they are sharp (or whatever). Sometimes it takes quite a while to get them back but I try to just keep asking for them over and over. YMMV depending on the temperment of your DC though. Sometimes I do trade her for something that she can have too. Depends on the situation I guess.

I do this too. Sometimes he will only hand it over if I say, 'can you help Mommy put it up there please' (on the shelf out of reach etc)


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## claras_mom (Apr 25, 2006)

Everything the pp said, and this: I think it's important to acknowledge that some things *do* belong to the child, and emphasize the sharing of them. Or not--on a recent visit with relatives (2 yo and 6.5 yo cousins), I told dd that except for her special baby doll, anything that came out of the room we slept in needed to be shared. If she didn't want to share, it stayed in the back. Her toys; her choice.

And you know, armed with control of the situation, she even shared her special baby.


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalaland42* 
I don't actually take things from DD because that would just start a fight. What I do instead is tell her, "actually those scissors are mommy's, can I have them please?" and I hold out my hand for them until she hands them to me. If she won't give them to me, I reiterate that they are mine and they aren't for Sophie because they are sharp (or whatever). Sometimes it takes quite a while to get them back but I try to just keep asking for them over and over. YMMV depending on the temperment of your DC though. Sometimes I do trade her for something that she can have too. Depends on the situation I guess.

Exactly!! We do a LOT of this in stores where he *gives* it to the store employee. /whew. I'm so glad he is okay with giving things.


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## Shanana (May 11, 2005)

From Scott Noelle's Daily Groove:

Quote:

:: WordWatch: My ::

Possessiveness is rooted in scarcity thinking, which
undermines the natural tendency to expand joy through
sharing.

We inadvertently teach our children scarcity thinking
by overusing possessive words like my/mine, yours,
Daddy's, sister's, etc. There's nothing inherently
wrong with these words, but questioning their use can
help us shift into abundance thinking.

For example, imagine asking your child, "Do you want a
bite of my apple?" Is the word "my" really needed? Why
not simply call it "this" apple?

When ownership is emphasized, it sends a subtle
message: "I have control over this." It alters the
child's perception of the owned object, making it seem
like a source of power. "Your" apple is more likely to
become the object of a power struggle.

Today, try to notice whenever you use possessive
words, and ask yourself if they make you feel lacking
or abundant -- like a competitor ("that's MY chair")
or a partner ("put your hand in mine").

http://dailygroove.net/my

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2007 by Scott Noelle
I received this email in January, and decided to try it out. I was floored by how often I was using the words "my" "mine" "yours" etc. I tried to clear that out of my vocabulary as best as possible, and dd (25 months) just started using the word "mine" this past week (and I've noticed it coming back into my vocabulary again, so I think she's modeling me). I think this type of behavior is part personality and part modeling. Simply removing the words "mine" and "yours" from your vocabularly may not eliminate the issue, but I bet it will at least improve it. My dd is remarkably willing to share and swap toys







.


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## Shanana (May 11, 2005)

double post ...


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

It depends on the situation.

If my eldest is saying 'mine' when her little sister wants to take what she has:
I say, 'yes, it's yours, but you need to share.'
After several weeks of this, A will now respond with 'okay' and proceed to share, whether it's a toy, food, book, etc.

If she is saying 'mine' because she doesn't want to give something to me:
I offer to trade. I ask, 'would you like to trade your toy for this?'

Both these methods seem to work really well.


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