# Violent screaming and tantrums during diaper change



## JavaBean

This started about 3 weeks ago and it's frustrating the hell out of me. DS is 30 months and he is physically violent and screams like he's abused during diaper changes and getting ready for bathtime. We do the same damn thing every day: he always gets a diaper change in the morning and he always gets a bath every night. Sometimes he gets a rinse in the morning because he pees out.

Why is this happening? He will throw himself down on the floor and grab onto his clothes like it's a lifeline all the while kicking, hitting and screaming. I get so frustrated I end up yelling at him because he's screaming at the top of his lungs and slapping his hands because he's hitting me. Tonight he was in his time-out chair for 4 minutes only in a diaper because he was carrying so much (at first it was 2 minutes but when I went to remove the diaper, it started again so that added another 2 minutes).

This kid will sit in his poop filled diaper til tomorrow if I let him have his way. It's gotten so frustrating and maddening that I have to remind myself about the fine line between disciplining and child abuse.

I need help.


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## gilleoin

Quote:

This kid will sit in his poop filled diaper til tomorrow if I let him have his way.
Glad to see my son isn't the only one! He's only 26 mos. though. He kicks and twists ans screams during diaper changes. It's a pain. I just try to talk to him....sometimes asking him to hold something (like the spray bottle for the wipes) will get him to calm down. HTH.


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## robinkate

Something I tried with dd was putting diapers on her stuffed animals and letting her change the animal's diaper. I've heard others here mention the "talking diaper" where the diaper pretends to talk and asks the child if it can please be his diaper - maybe get a couple of diapers arguing about who gets to be the diaper, whatever gets your child's interest. For bathtime, I just climb in the bathtub and tell dd I'm taking a bath, usually she gets right in too. Good luck! Hope you find something that works.


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## heatherdeg

Are they eating any new foods or new drinks? Or any old foods/drinks, but in greater quanity? Sometimes, a minor food intolerance (not allergy) can cause sensory issues. My son could sit in poop till the cows came home, but try to change a diaper or give him a bath and you'd think he was being murdered. It was an intolerance to milk--but only after drinking more than usual.

Just something to tuck away if not for this particular issue. You really can't fathom the way food affects them--and doesn't even register in bloodwork.


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## faithnj

I'd check all the other issues, like allergies. But then personally? I stopped the diaper issue in it's tracks, right when DD learned to crawl. That's when she stopped being cooperative with diaper changes. At that age, I simply firmly rolled her back over, held her and said "stay," each and every time. It took probably only a week before she understood I meant business, and accepted it. In addition, I use the "change" sign and word to tell her what's coming up. And I use the "finished" sign and word to let her know that it's over, and that she was free to do what she likes. (In other words, she knows that this process has a very clear beginning, middle and end.)

Once I got her to accept being changed peacefully, we started laughing and tickling and singing, and goofing off during the changes. Now she really enjoys being changed, and doesn't readily get up when I sign finished. She even cooperates when my DH changes her.

Now granted, my DD is not near your child's age. But that doesn't mean creating a routine can't work for you. If you can find a way to be consistant with the fact that he IS going to be changed-- and that's that, then you might have a chance to move onto making changes fun. It's just that it's going to take a while of being very consistant and determined about not letting him get his way on the diaper changes, in any manner, before he gives up. (And if enforced diaper changes is against your own GD ideology, then I'm sure somebody else will have a better solution for you.)

But struggle or no struggle-- don't get angry. In the middle of the change, be entertaining. Sing "O Solo Mio" at the top of your voice while he's struggling. Anything to get him laughing. But while you keep your cool, also keep your determination to get the job done. Then give it some time. Rome wasn't built in a day.

And good luck!

Faith


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## ChasingPeace

Our ds hates diaper changes, too, and I know exactly where you're coming from! It's really hard to keep calm when your dc is screaming or running away from you while you try to change him. I have no suggestions, except have two people do the diaper change when possible--one can entertain, while the other does the changing. When I'm alone with ds, a lot of times I just give up, bring his potty out to the living room, and let him run around without a diaper. Sometimes he'll use the potty; often he won't (and of course, he's just as resistant when I try to take him to use the potty). We get our carpets cleaned a lot.


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## TurboClaudia

i found a MAGICAL solution to our diaper changing dramas just 3 days ago, and i wonder if it would work for you, too...

we got a helium filled mylar balloon at a birthday party we went to earlier this week and our son fell in love with it.

so i wondered if i tied it onto the diaper changing table and he could beat it up and bang it around if he would stop hitting and kicking me...???

so far, so good! 3 days of little to no fuss diaper changes and still counting...

good luck, mama! it's hard, i know...

~claudia


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## aydensmama

I feel your pain! It is easy to say not to get frustrated and to stay firm, BUT quite frankly this sucks!

My ds is 16 mths old, and he kicks my ever growing preggo belly while being changed! It had to stop and I was getting abuse by something that had to be done! I of course sing, give him something to do, something special, a snack the whole nine yards, but he hates it!

So it was time to be firm and "mean mommy voice" and show him I mean business. Somedays is better than others, but I stand my ground and hold him down and repeat no kicking, no kicking. I have also started talking about the potty. I know he may be way to young, but he must understand that it is either diaper or potty so maybe we will talk about it for a year, and he will then want to go in the potty!


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## VBMama

When ds started throwing major temper tantrums about being changed, I switched to doing diaper changes standing up on a stool at the sink. He plays with the water, makes faces in the mirror, sometimes makes a big mess with the soap & toothpaste, etc. It's more inconvenient to get him clean when he's standing, but eliminating the tantrums was worth it to me. I also had to switch CD systems to make it work, but again, you have to decide how important it is to you. Have you experimented with any alternate locations in your house?


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## sierra's momma

what worked for my dd (23 months) is to prop a book up while I change a diaper. THe book falls a lot and I read slow, but it works most of the time! Good luck


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## luvmy2boys

I know I'm late on this thread, but I'm new to the boards, and this story rang so familiar with me that I had to comment.

My oldest (now 5) started doing this at around age 2 1/2. He had shown a vague interest in the potty, so I started potty training him. Now I will admit I wasn't the best at the potty training thing (which I'll prove in a post I'm planning on making about my 3 year old who I'm attempting to potty train now







). He didn't want to do that either. I didn't really force him, I just put him in underwear (which he *did* like) and reminded him to go potty. If he resisted (and he often did) I told him very calmly and nicely that he could either go potty or wear a diaper. He picked the potty every time.

I cleaned up a lot of accidents, but I was doing cloth diapers anyway, so underwear are easier to clean (they take up less room and take less time to dry in the dryer). Plus I didn't have to deal with the screaming at every diaper change. Also, pooping came a couple of months after he mastered peeing. Yeah, it was kind of a pain, but since they don't poop that often (twice a day at the very most unless they are sick), it wasn't that big of a deal. I used the thick cloth training pants (from Target) rather than regular underwear, which held poop and small pee accidents a lot better.

I don't know if this will work for you and I certainly wouldn't recommend being forceful in the potty training thing, but it might be worth trying, since it seems like your son would be old enough to understand the "potty or diaper" choice (and he may respond well, since it puts him back in control again).


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## frenchie

your child at 2 1/2 might be ready for the big potty. Take the diaper off and let your child be naked! When he's calm and seems cooperative, put a diaper back on him...or ask him if he needs to go potty, and bring him to the bathroom.


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## AugustineM

I can so relate to this. DS at 19 months hates being changed. It seems to be getting worse and I don't know what to do about it. He screams and fights and tries to roll away. I dread diaper changes. He doesn't kick, but he squirms to where it's almost impossible.

I try to be super quick, and then once I get the poopy diaper off and his butt clean I let him run around naked for a while. I then usually put on a dry diaper while he's standing. Sometimes a snack distraction works, sometimes 5 minutes of a movie or TV works, sometimes DH distracts him, sometimes nothing works... ugh, frustrating!!


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## Debbiepop

My son is 12 months and he started the same darn thing at about 8 months old. With every diaper change you would think we were torturing him...LOL -His screaming was so loud I was worried about what the neighbors would think.

It used to get me to the point of complete fustration. I tried his favorite toys, every cap that was available, his binky, everything. Since nothing was gonna change any time soon, I put a radio in his room and every time I change him I put it on and sing my way through the screaming and kicking. Now when he's screaming like a mad man, I just sing and hummmmm... LA LA LA and do what I have to DO. I am after all gonna WIN everytime

At this point it's all about keeping yourself sane... If he wants to scream and cry... LET HIM.


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## newmommy

I can relate to this. DS screams too during a diaper change. I'm going to try that balloon trick PP suggested. I guess it goes back to redirect/distraction...


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## SAHdad

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JavaBean*
This started about 3 weeks ago and it's frustrating the hell out of me. DS is 30 months and he is physically violent and screams like he's abused during diaper changes and getting ready for bathtime. We do the same damn thing every day: he always gets a diaper change in the morning and he always gets a bath every night. Sometimes he gets a rinse in the morning because he pees out.

Why is this happening? He will throw himself down on the floor and grab onto his clothes like it's a lifeline all the while kicking, hitting and screaming. I get so frustrated I end up yelling at him because he's screaming at the top of his lungs and slapping his hands because he's hitting me. Tonight he was in his time-out chair for 4 minutes only in a diaper because he was carrying so much (at first it was 2 minutes but when I went to remove the diaper, it started again so that added another 2 minutes).

This kid will sit in his poop filled diaper til tomorrow if I let him have his way. It's gotten so frustrating and maddening that I have to remind myself about the fine line between disciplining and child abuse.

I need help.


I had a similar problem with my daughter about 5 weeks ago, She had settled into a very convienant routine of self play that allowed me to get untold amounts of things done around the house. Naturally I was very happy about this and allowed it to continue, even encouraged it. However I noticed that she got so much into her self play that she never wanted to stop, not for naps or baths or food. Certianly not for diapers. She would throw herself on the ground and thrash around violently letting out the most peircing shreiks imaginable. The shrieks were so loud and peircing i would sometimes have trouble hearing for a few minutes afterwards, and would always have a splitting headache at the conclusion of the diaper change.

I was trying everything I could think of to solve this problem, I tried distraction, I tried speed changes, to get her out of the diaper and into a new one as quick as possible, I even brought our cat in the room with (she is absolutely fascinated by cats) nothing seemed to snap her out of her diaper terror reactions. Eventually I started to broaden my search for the cause, I checked her diet, to see if she was upset about something she was eating, I made sure the diapers (cloth) were still soft non abrasive from overwashing.

I still couldnt find anything related to diaper changing that would be causing her to react like this. Eventually however I came to the conclusiopn that DD was SO involved with her self play, and what she was doing that the brief interuptions for things she never minded before were causing her to get really upset. Unfortunately this was one of those things that couldnt be handled with just a "course correction" to behavior, rather it took days of slowly redirecting her during her self play into more interesting activities. (she got used to getting interupted in what she was doing) Then slowly inserting wait times in between activities, (like we have to pick up all the books before we can play with the xylophone) Something small that didnt take long. eventually bath time and diaper changes were inserted into these times as well, it stopped, but not without alot of patience and time. As well it required alot of one on one time spent with DD to make it work. Hope this helps you a little.


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