# How do I stop nursing down to sleep?



## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

DD (21 months) is nightweaned from bedtime (8:30ish) until 5 am or so. She'll accept cuddles to soothe her if she wakes in the night, and will accept just a little bit of nursing at 5 am and go back to sleep spooning with me after that.

I don't want to stop nursing at bedtime, but I'd like to nurse for 5-10 minutes and then lie down together and cuddle to sleep, or read, or have DH cuddle/read with her. I want to get pregnant and feel like I need to cut back on that nighttime nursing session, which is currently our longest of the day. DD goes down pretty quickly (10 min of nursing) for a nap, but takes a while at bedtime. If I wait any later at night, she gets overtired and then takes even longer to get to sleep.

So, what steps do I take? I'd love advice from moms who have been there.

Thanks!


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## mommybritt (Nov 19, 2001)

We did this with our dd when she was about 19 months old. She would just nurse and nurse at bedtime and I wasn't into it!

What we did was do our whole bedtime routine (bath, jammies, stories) then we'd both lie in bed and she'd nurse - on both sides! for about 20 minutes or so. Then I'd stay with her, hold her, rub her back, sing songs, etc until she fell asleep. It took a while to get this new routine established and she'd still ask to nurse after I'd told her we were all done. I found what helped most with us was meaning it when I said we were all done nursing. If I let her nurse again, even just a bit, she'd get even more demanding to nurse again and again, etc.

It took a couple of hours to get her to sleep for the first few weeks we did this but the time frame wasn't that different than when she was nursing to sleep! Now it takes about 30-45 minutes from the time we lie down to read stories until she's asleep. Not bad


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## sallyk (Jan 31, 2003)

as milkfacemama. I let DS nurse for about 15 minutes tops then lie him down, tell him night-night and snuggle with him a little until he falls asleep. First night it took 90 minutes total before he fell asleep, second night 45 minutes, third night 30 mnutes, etc. He now knows that once he's done nursing, there won't be any more so there is no reason to get upset. We're still working on nightweaning after that but that's getting better too. And I'm finding that if he doesn't nurse down, he sleeps longer before waking up.

Hope this helps and that things work out for you!







Sally


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

Thanks for the ideas! I started to tell DD that we were going to wait until light in the morning to nurse and cut out the 5 am feed, but after hearing your experiences, I think it might be easier to work on bedtime. She's sleepy, she has a full belly, and at some point, she'll be ready to fall asleep without any nursing at all.

Do your DH's ever put your kids to sleep?

Thanks!


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## Cheri (Nov 9, 2002)

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## ldlambert (Mar 19, 2002)

So, I tried to not nurse my DS to sleep last night. It was horrible. I told him that we'd read books but then henry and mommy and the boo need to go to sleep. I let him nurse while I was sitting up, then lights out and no more boo.

Lordy, he had a fit. (he's 2.5) He screamed and screamed, which I cannot bear. So, after maybe 5 minutes, I picked him up and said we could nurse again for just a little bit then the boo needed to go night-night. (That's what I say during the night so he doesn't just suckle all night.) He had fit, and the cycle started over.

I've come to the point in my parenting that if I'm crying too, then whatever I'm doing has to stop.

So...I laid down with him and let him nurse laying down. I told him we could only nurse for a little bit becuase boo needed to go night-night, and DS promptly fell asleep from exhaustion.

What do I do tonight, though??? Same routine?


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

Cheri, Just trying to get my body to ovulate and get back in the swing of things, hormonally. I'm really resisting any more weaning. We're in a good spot now, but I don't think either DD or I am ready to cut back.

ldlambert, That's tough! I'm totally with you. If I feel like I want to cry, it's not working! The other day I thought I'd nurse DD as usual around 5- 5:30 am, and then tell her to wait until light (she sometimes takes a few sips before then). She wasn't very happy about it, and neither was I. I decided it wasn't worth the effort, and didn't try again. I think that consistency is the most important part of that kind of weaning/habit changing. So if you decide to do something, you need to stick with it, even if it's hard, which might very well mean that you both aren't ready. You want your child to know that if you say no more, you mean it, not even one more sip. It might be hard at first, but then they'll understand what you mean. If you both aren't ready, it's important to listen to that. If you think you are, how about deciding to give it 3-4 days of real consistency, even if it's hard, and then re-evaluate? I'll be interested to see how it goes either way!

Thanks!


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

PS- I'm going to go to a meeting this week and DH will try to put DD to sleep. Wish us luck!


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## Jamiemama (Jan 19, 2003)

When my dd was around 24 months ( she is now 29 months) and I was in my first trimester with my 2nd suddenly nursing to sleep and night nursing became exhausting. I decided something had to change and I read many posts here to give me some ideas and support. Then I got my dh on board and I asked him to lie down with both of us as we went cold turkey so I had the emotional support.

So I think I nursed the baby on the sofa as the last part of our bedtime routine and explained that we would not be nursing in the bed anymore (I'm sure she didn't take THAT comment too seriously!). Then we all went to bed and then when she realised I was serious she got upset and cried but not the way I dreaded (i.e. heart wrenching agony) but more generally uphappy and not hysterical and after about 40 minutes she fell asleep. I was so relieved that it wasn't as awful as I had imagined and it was good to have the support of my husband in the bed on the other side of her! From that night on she pretty much fell asleep after 10 minutes or less, with no crying. A good tip from other moms on here was to say that your ds can nurse when the sun comes up but right now your "boo" "nursers" or whatever are asleep.

I nursed her during the night until the falling asleep without the boob was well established and then did the same with the nighttime nursing " no mama until the morning".

It wasn't long before she forgot to nurse at all in the evening as she wasn't that bothered. She often only nurses once a day now.

I think with any big change for toddlers you have to be ready to hold the line like a marine and remember that human behavior takes up to 3 weeks to change and a new routine be established. But with this age group it seems to be just a few days/nights. You need to be sure you are ready to not backtrack, if you feel overwhelmed - wait for a few days/weeks until you feel you have more stamina and get support from your dh to spend time in the room with you if possible.

Last night we started a new change: me not lying down next to her as she falls asleep on her little mattress (which she transferred to a couple of months ago), I just sat on the mattress instead. Again my dh was great with his support and he eventually lulled her to sleep with a looong story - she got so tired she just crawled under the covers under her own power! It was a miracle to witness. It took her about 40-50 minutes again. So we're hoping that things will gradually improve each night this week. Our goal is to have her fall asleep with either my dh and I as a presence in the room but not in her bed or lying next to her. As we are expecting our 2nd in May I didn't want to associate any of these changes with a new baby.

I also mentioned to her a few weeks ago that I would just be sitting on the bed and not lying next to her as she was going to sleep one night and she cried and pleaded so piteously that I didn't have the strength to make a change. But it occured to me in the last few days that I might regret waiting once I had another baby so I steeled my will! And again it wasn't as bad as I expected. So I think the main thing is you have to be ready - when your kids know you mean business it seems much easier. And they will soon grow to anticipate the new routine.


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