# What's the funniest thing your child has said lately?



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

This is an actual conversation between me and my 4-year-old yesterday evening.

Me (reading a Happy Meal box): Ariel's dream was to become human and live happily ever after with Prince Eric. What's your dream?

Chase: What do you mean?

Me: What do you want to do?

Chase: Right now?

Me: In life.

Chase: I don't know.

Me: What do you want to be?

Chase: All right. Now this is getting really lame.










Fill this thread up with funny kid quotes!


----------



## melanie83103 (Jun 23, 2006)

My little 3 year old Owen told me the other day that he has a baby in his belly and that the baby was having a bite of brocoli (which we were having for dinner). I was dying. I'm pregnant, so I guess he want's to be like mommy









Melanie


----------



## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Ds hasn't quite figured out the whole Mr., Mrs., Ms. thing. His teacher is Ms. Smith. He keeps calling her Mrs. Smith. I told him that she's not married, so she's not a Mrs. and he was like "let's just call her Smith". Ok then, eliminate the issue entirely.

We're in the middle of figuring out an upcoming move. I decided to talk to ds a bit about it and asked him where the best place in the world would be to move. We're from Chicago, our families, friends, everyting is in Chicago. We go there a few times a month to visit, we've been planning on moving back since we moved here 3 years ago. The correct answer is "Chicago". His answer? "Myrtle Beach, because it's so fun there!" "Well, if you couldn't move to Myrtle Beach, where would you want to move?" His answer, "well we could just stay here." Ok, thanks buddy, you are no help at all here and you're supposed to be excited about moving back home!!!


----------



## supahero (May 30, 2005)

I was nursing the baby, when my non-verbal almost-3 year old came up and kept handing me his sippy cup for more water. I kept saying "you have to wait, sweetie", "just a minute" etc. My daughter walked over and holding my leather-bound diary said, "according to my research, when someone is breastfeeding - you have to wait."


----------



## *Jessica* (Jun 10, 2004)

My nearly 3 year old has a cold. Yesterday he sneezed and had an unpleasant surprise fly out of his nose and land on his lip. After making me wipe it off he looked at me and said with all seriousness, "I'm not having a very good day, am I Mom?"


----------



## KatherineNaomi (May 23, 2005)

My 5 year old son noticed that the city finally mowed the empty lot near our house the other day. He said "Oh, the jungle is gone. That's good because there were chicken pox in there". My husband and I were like "What"? and he said "You know, chicken pox that stick to your clothes". Ok, so he meant burrdocks. Got it. Then we were talking about chicken pox and the red dots you get and he says "Remember the time I ate horse shoes and got spots all over my body"? "Honey, I think you mean cashews". (He's allergic to them and got hives).

These kids never cease to crack me up.


----------



## GuavaLava (Nov 15, 2004)

My almost 4 year old has been very into babies and how one goes about getting some. She doesn't know were pregnant yet because I know there will be never-ending "where's the baby?!" interrogation. So that in itself is a little spooky.

Anyway, this was a recent conversation:

Her: How do you get a baby sister?

Me: You ask God.

Her: Oh. Remeber when we saw God yesterday?


----------



## adtake (Feb 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *supahero* 
I was nursing the baby, when my non-verbal almost-3 year old came up and kept handing me his sippy cup for more water. I kept saying "you have to wait, sweetie", "just a minute" etc. My daughter walked over and holding my leather-bound diary said, "according to my research, when someone is breastfeeding - you have to wait."









Been watching MagicSchool bus lately??

Here is the best one from my 3 yo... taken from http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=525374

My 3 year old is wearing his winter toque around....he had put his little soccer ball, his light up ball and his red ball in the hat...then he put the whole hat in his pants..walked over to me holding the hat in his pants and said...

wait for it..

where are my balls


----------



## uberwench (Jul 25, 2003)

You know that advert on TV for "headOn" - with the "HeadOn, apply directly to forehead" ad infinitum? THe little ditty gots into my head, and the other night i was idly singing it and DS looks at me and says "Chocolate On - Apply directly to Drink!"

Also - the other day we were in the bank, and i was opening a new account. DS was playing rather happily with all the desk stuff but i could tell it was getting rather boring for him (and me as well) so while Mr. Bank Guy was filling out the computer screen i turned to DS and asked "Heya, D, what do we need to get at Target? can you help me with a list?" (he loves lists). He says, at full projection, straight-faced:

"Well first we need to go to the Poop aisle at Target, because we need poop for your butt. Your butt is out of poop and we have to get some more so that poop can come out of your butt"

I think we made Mr. Bank Guy's day


----------



## P-chan (Jan 23, 2004)

I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.


----------



## rileysmommy (Dec 11, 2004)

i had made a comment to myself that " geez, if people don;'t want to have babies, there are ways to not get pregnant! but to just abandonthe baby... how crummy"

i was reading an email, and then just muttering to myself.
riley heard me.
it then leads to a big talk about HOW you can NOT have babies.

him: how do you not have babies? isn't the sperm just already in there from before?

me: no, it take new sperm each time you make a baby, mommies just don't have little sperm dispensers inside them.

him: oh, well then, thats really easy, just have the husband stop putting sperm in the vagina then










really, i thought i was going to crash the car( yes this conversation moved from the dining room to the car, for the drive to school)


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rileysmommy* 
him: oh, well then, thats really easy, just have the husband stop putting sperm in the vagina then

It sounds so simple, doesn't it?


----------



## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

My 5 year old threw up for the first time, took one look at it and said "Eeeeew gross! I am SO out of here!" and ran ut of the room. yeah kid we know how you feel, try cleaning it up!!


----------



## mashtree (Feb 15, 2005)

I said something to my 4-year-old DS and he did not hear what I said.

DS: What did you say Mom?
Me: Nothing. Just talking to myself.
DS: Can you talk to yourself again? Say the same thing you just did!


----------



## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

I was in the bathroom and 4 yo dd was there with me.

dd: Mom, does your poop stink?
me: (laughing) sometimes!
dd: Papa's poop stinks!

(me, stifling laughter; dd, pause ....)

dd: Yesterday-a-long-time-ago, Papa pooped and I had to run away!
me: (guffaw)
dd: If you were a man, your poop would stink.


----------



## autumn_faune (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *P-chan* 
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.


And in our house, courtesy 22mo dd:

You know you're pregnant when the nursing toddler finishes both sides and decides to try latching on the the protruding bellybutton. (BTW, it tickles!)


----------



## Elyra (Aug 19, 2006)

My children have said some doozies!









Just the other day one of the younger ones was having a very loud emotional discussion with himself (aka: a tantrum







) in the middle of the kitchen floor impeading the way for anyone walking by. So I picked him up to move him 2 feet into the dinning room where he could finish his discussion with himself. I picked him up like he was a turtle because he was all balled up and all of the sudden he yells:

PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!


----------



## Daffodil (Aug 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *uberwench* 
"Well first we need to go to the Poop aisle at Target, because we need poop for your butt. Your butt is out of poop and we have to get some more so that poop can come out of your butt"


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elyra* 
PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!










This is too cute!!!


----------



## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

The other day DH and I were having a discussion and 2.5 yo DD pipes up:

Daddy's not too smart.







:

Today I aked her if she took off her shoes because she preferred bare feet and she replied "They arent bears silly they are pigs"


----------



## charmander (Dec 30, 2003)

Not my son, but his 6-year old friend. After explaining to DS's friend that I was young, we didn't have the internet - at all.

He got a horrified look on his face and said:

"That is, quite possibly, the most tragic thing I have ever heard."


----------



## familylove (Mar 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *P-chan* 
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.









:

My 4 y/o DS said, "Are you and Daddy married?"
Me: Yes. We got married a long time ago, before you were born.
DS: So that's when you became a woman.

I tried to argue this point saying I was already a woman before DH and I married, but DS insisted that I wasn't a woman until DH and I made it official.


----------



## TinyFrog (Jan 24, 2006)

I love this thread. That bank one was great!


----------



## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

my dd then was 3 1/2 when we would babysit our friend's 3 and 5 year old son on a regular basis. now i dont have a car so my dd knows all the rules fo the road. and she proudly taught her friends too. they were struggling with driveways. the street and alleys were fine but they still couldnt figure it out and it was making my dd all frustrated.

during one of those times i told her 'ur daddy is so smart to get u a cool flashlight like that' (he is my ex and it really was a cool thing) my dd's eyes grew really big, she became all silent and then took a deep breath and said v. seriously 'yes mommy daddy is v. smart. he even knows driveways. i didnt have to teach him that.'


----------



## crazycandigirl (Mar 13, 2006)

While visting family out of town, and eating dinner with everyone gathered around the table talking, my mom asked me if we liked the hotel.

My DD cut in saying

" Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"

I turned red, my sister in law choked on her food, and my grandma was shocked. I swear that we didnt say anything like that in front of her- she came up with it on her own! LOL









Oh goodness she really knows how to make an impression.


----------



## waterproofmascara (Apr 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmd* 
Not my son, but his 6-year old friend. After explaining to DS's friend that I was young, we didn't have the internet - at all.

He got a horrified look on his face and said:

"That is, quite possibly, the most tragic thing I have ever heard."

ROTFL

My dd, almost 5, cracks me up all the time. I have my current fave in my sig, and have 2 more.

I have a female cousin in her 30's. Dd asked who she was married to, and I told her nobody. She then asked who took care of said cousin, I said nobody, she just takes of herself. DD gets a satisfied smile on her face and says, "Oh, then she is married to herself."

And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!
Guess we need to have a few more life lesson talks before then.


----------



## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

Note: We say Baba instead of Daddy.

DH has just taken a shower and DS is following him around. DH is wrapped in a towel, and DS is only wearing a shirt.

DS: Baba, you're NAKED!
DH: You're naked!
DS: No, Baba, you're not wearing clothes, so you're naked.
DH: You're not wearing pants, so you're naked.
DS: [sighs and takes on a pedantic tone] Baba, _I_ am wearing a _shirt_. You are not wearing clothes. You're NAKED.
DH: But you're not wearing pants, so you're naked.

I walk into the room.

DS: Mom, Baba's naked.
Me: He is?
DS: Yes.
DH: You're naked too!
DS: Baba, I am wearing a SHIRT.
DS: [to himself] I'm wearing a shirt, and Mom's wearing a shirt, and Baba's NAKED.

I was dying by the end.


----------



## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *autumn_faune* 
And in our house, courtesy 22mo dd:

You know you're pregnant when the nursing toddler finishes both sides and decides to try latching on the the protruding bellybutton. (BTW, it tickles!)

I'm not pregnant and Sage did that last week!! My bb doesn't really stick all of the way out, but it is funny looking since my bowel resection, they cut a nice vertical incision right down my pretty, flat, no stretch mark tummy


----------



## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Today in Target Sage ate part of the tag on a shirt we were buying. The cashier looked at her and said "Were you hungry honey?" Maia pipes up with "No, she ate mommies boobies when we first got in the store, she was just being ornrey."


----------



## fyoosh (May 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazycandigirl* 
" Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"

Bahahah! Does she know what sex is yet (I assume she probably does if she knows you need room for it)? I went camping with my ex (when he was still my hubby) and some friends of ours with children. At one point their then 6 year old was sitting by us, and she said very matter of factly, "I can leave if you want to have sex now".







Thing is, later on they found out that she thought kissing was sex. Heh.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waterproofmascara*
And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!

Heheheh. This is not such a bad thing. I have just that! Well, except my baby is almost 4 years old









Speaking of which, he said something funny today -- we were driving past a driving range and he saw the cart that was driving around picking up all the golf balls and asked me what it was. I told him, and he said, "I want to do that when I am 70 years old". I said, "well... that seems like a reasonable thing to do at 70." He continued, "and when I am 80, I want to be a construction worker. And at 90, a doctor (god, I wouldn't want to be his patient!) and at ten one hundred (heh) I will be a bicycle rider!" He plans on living to a ripe old age


----------



## kati6110 (Feb 5, 2003)

my 4.5yo to my friend's naked 2yo _daughter_ - "You should put some clothes on! No one wants to see your twig and berries!"


----------



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

I love these threads. Yay!







These kids are a never ending source of comedy.

Speaking of which - my own DS was talking about dinosaurs the other day (not unusual for him) and said, "I am a pentaceratops, and M. is a teleosaurus. I am Pent, and she is Tella."

Get it? Penn and Teller? Ha ha!


----------



## pfamilygal (Feb 28, 2005)

DS: I was going to marry my kindergarten teacher. But, Mommy, I found out she has finished college. I'm pretty sure that people who are done with college can't marry kids. So I guess I'll have to find a new wife.


----------



## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

This isn't so much just what DD said, but an interaction:

Today my DH made pumpkin ravioli. When he served it to 3 y/o DD she asked him to cut it up for her so she could eat it more easily. As he did, some of the filling started squishing out.
"There's something else in there!" she said.
"Yes there is, that's pumpkin."
DD got the most horrified look on her face and said, "That's PUMPKIN!?"
DH said, "Yes it is" and then quickly realized that DD was talking about OUR CAT NAMED PUMPKIN!!! He immediately started going, "No! No! Not pumpkin! _PUMPKIN_! The other pumpkin!" Forgetting that DD has actually never eaten pumpkin before.

Of course by this time I could not stop laughing and was no help at all to bail poor DH out of it while DD looked at the filling in her bowl with absolute _horror_.


----------



## Blu Razzberri (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rileysmommy* 
...him: oh, well then, thats really easy, just have the husband stop putting sperm in the vagina then

LOL! Such a simple concept, a child could figure it out! Now if only we could educate us "adults" LoL!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elyra* 
... So I picked him up to move him 2 feet into the dinning room where he could finish his discussion with himself. I picked him up like he was a turtle because he was all balled up and all of the sudden he yells:

PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!









BAHAHAHAHAHAH! That's probably the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazycandigirl* 
..." Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"


Oh jeez! I'm waiting for that day in MY life!! LoL.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waterproofmascara* 
..And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!
Guess we need to have a few more life lesson talks before then.

Or maybe she's onto something







...Just kidding!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
.."There's something else in there!" she said.
"Yes there is, that's pumpkin."
DD got the most horrified look on her face and said, "That's PUMPKIN!?"
DH said, "Yes it is" and then quickly realized that DD was talking about OUR CAT NAMED PUMPKIN!!! ... DD looked at the filling in her bowl with absolute _horror_.

Oh that's too funny! Still laughing!

*Ok, my story isn't quite as funny as those, but I have one. My boy is three and talking has been a struggle for him. It's hard enough for ME to understand him and I spend all day with him. The other day, I asked him to wash his hands; and out of habit (because I normally have to ask twice); I repeated myself a few minutes later, asking him to wash his hands. He looks at me and AS CLEAR AS DAY says "I did...mum...I did".







But it wasn't just what he said; it was also how he said it. The fluctuations in his voice were very matter-of-fact. You probably had to be there to get how funny this was!*


----------



## uberwench (Jul 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elyra* 
PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!










OK, i need to find a way to work this line into a conversation.
brilliant!


----------



## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

My ds went through a phase being obssessed with penises and vaginas.
He asked me about pads and why I wear them, so I told him.

Anyway, out of the blue, one day he says...

"Mom, when I grow up, I want to be lady"
Me: "why honey?"
"So I can wear pads in my underwear to protect me from the blood from my bloody vagina"...
My dh almost fainted.


----------



## annekevdbroek (Jun 5, 2005)

LMAO - These are too funny.

I'm pregnant so we have lots of interesting discussions about babies. The latest:

Me: What will the baby eat?
DS: Nana!
Me: Where does Nana come from?
DS: Nanas!
Me: There will be nana milk again when the baby comes (DS recently weaned).
DS: I'm going to feed the baby!
Me: How?
DS: My nanas will grow up tall and I will feed the baby!
Me: Ok. Have they grown yet?
DS: Not yet. They are going to get big! Big Mama nanas!


----------



## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

These are great!

My mom, Julia and I go on Saturdays to visit our friend from church who has MD. I am in the kitchen cooking(so I missed it







: I had to hear it from my mom) and my mom and Julia and the friend(Al)were watching "Must Love Dogs" Here is the conversation between Julia and Al....

Al: "Is this movie almost over?"
Julia: "I hope so! I like 'toons better...do you like 'toons, Al?"
Al: "Sometimes."
Julia(with a flirtatious voice): "We have so much in common!"

My mom put a picture of Julia in a frame with their conversation underneath for Al to keep.


----------



## lisalou (May 20, 2005)

DD (just turned 3) gathered dh and I together for a tea party the other day. She gave us each a cup, "poured" tea, told us to drink it all up, then put her cup down and said, "Tea Party YAY!!!!! Hooray!!!" waving her arms in the air and then poured us more tea. DH was crying with laughter. It certainly was the most lively tea party I've ever been to.

Since dd has turned 3 she's been rather well sensitive. Crying at the drop of a hat when everything isn't just so. The other morning as we were leaving she was crying. I asked her why she was crying. She said, "I crying. I just need to cry." It was heartbreaking and funny at the same time.


----------



## Maple Leaf Mama (Jul 2, 2004)

My DD just turned 3.
Last week she had a cold.
At bedtime she was fine. By morning, she had a full blown cold.
My neighbor was over that morning and asked DD where she got her cold?
DD said--From my bed! (and gave her an exasperated look, which was priceless!)


----------



## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
This isn't so much just what DD said, but an interaction:

Today my DH made pumpkin ravioli. When he served it to 3 y/o DD she asked him to cut it up for her so she could eat it more easily. As he did, some of the filling started squishing out.
"There's something else in there!" she said.
"Yes there is, that's pumpkin."
DD got the most horrified look on her face and said, "That's PUMPKIN!?"
DH said, "Yes it is" and then quickly realized that DD was talking about OUR CAT NAMED PUMPKIN!!! He immediately started going, "No! No! Not pumpkin! _PUMPKIN_! The other pumpkin!" Forgetting that DD has actually never eaten pumpkin before.

Of course by this time I could not stop laughing and was no help at all to bail poor DH out of it while DD looked at the filling in her bowl with absolute _horror_.


Oh sweet mercy. This is one of those things that dh and I have a running dialouge about. 30 years from now, ds sitting on his therapist's couch, "And then when I was 3, I thought they cooked my cat, but instead of explaining it to me they sat there and laughed. Laughed, Dr. Smith, can you believe that?? They were horrible people."


----------



## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

My friend's little boy spent some time at our house a while back; he's eight months younger than my six-year-old daughter. At first they played happily, then she wanted some alone-time in her personal section of the yard outdoors, and he kept driving her crazy by calling out, "I'm wooking at you ... I'm wooking at you." After he left my daughter said, "I used to think (insert name) was just a dumb boy ... now I know he's really a MEAN dumb boy."


----------



## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Subscribing to your thread.


----------



## charmander (Dec 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisalou* 
Since dd has turned 3 she's been rather well sensitive. Crying at the drop of a hat when everything isn't just so. The other morning as we were leaving she was crying. I asked her why she was crying. She said, "I crying. I just need to cry." It was heartbreaking and funny at the same time.


Talk about being in touch with your feelings. Wow!


----------



## charmander (Dec 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisalou* 
Since dd has turned 3 she's been rather well sensitive. Crying at the drop of a hat when everything isn't just so. The other morning as we were leaving she was crying. I asked her why she was crying. She said, "I crying. I just need to cry." It was heartbreaking and funny at the same time.


Talk about being in touch with your feelings! Wow!


----------



## ~Demeter~ (Jul 22, 2006)

Last month I was having horrible cramps from AF. My 11yo DS was sitting at the kitchen table and I was sitting down trying to work up the energy and effort to walk the boys to school. I happen to mention how sore and achy I was and DS asks why and I said not to worry about it. He goes OH! You got a period don't you?!







I said yes I have my period. He's like do you need a doctor mom? Are you ok? I think he didn't realise that for me to feel that way is totally normal. It was nice to know he was so concerned about me.







:


----------



## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Hey, I just realized everyone else seems to be focusing on cute sweet things (or at least not MEAN things) their kids said ... I need to examine why I think it's so cute for mine to put someone down. Boy I'm sure learning from this discussion board.


----------



## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

My youngest also just turned three-and her awareness of her older self is so sweet to watch. When she started preschool at 2.5 (for two hours a week) I would carry her in because she wanted to be close before I left her. At 2.75 she started going for four hours a week, which meant she then needed a backpack with a snack and drink, that she put in her very own CUBBY. Is she ever into that! Anyway, now that she's three, she wants to walk by herself into school, tugging her bag behind her, and this morning she looked up at me as she lugged her little bag up the stairs and said "mom, I'm being bigger!!!!"


----------



## sehbub (Mar 15, 2006)

Alright, I've got two!

When DD1 was about 3 1/2, she was in the car with DH, and was talking on her "cell phone".

V: Hello? Oh hi Brian. Listen, Brian, I'm not going to be kissing you at school anymore. I'm going to be kissing Jonathan now. Okay? Okay, I have to go now.
V: Hi Jonathan...I just told Brian that I would be kissing you and not him at school. See you tomorrow!
V: "ring ring" Hello? Oh HI Kevin!! (in a sugary sweet flirty voice)

Poor DH almost drove off the road.









DD2, now 4 (and almost a half, thankyouverymuch!) and I were talking about the fact that I just started back to school online so that I can finish my degree. She got a very serious look on her face, put her little arms around my neck, and said, "mama, I am SO.TOTALLY.PROUDOFYOU!!" I just about melted in to a big gooey pile right there!


----------



## Mavis (Apr 11, 2003)

My husband, son and myself were at a restraunt. We were ordering our beverages and the waiter asked my son (he was almost 3 at the time, he's 3 now) if he wanted some apple juice. He said yes. I know that my son does not like apple juice but I let him get it anyways, you never know. Our drinks are brought to us and my son took a sip , stood up in the booth and said loudly " This apple juice is NOT for babies "

Everyone laughed. It was cute .


----------



## beansricerevolt (Jun 29, 2005)

This is the setting:
Dh, DD (8yrs) and I (with the babe on my back







) were walking to go to the camp cafeteria this summer (we were on a community camping vacation).

DD-"So and So said that humans are animals"
me-" yes we are. We are a mammal." I continue talking about what a mammal is ect.
DD- "So and So also said that we came from monkeys"
Dh- "Some people think that we come from monkeys" Dh goes into the different theories.
DD- "So _thats_ why they make monkey bars"


----------



## rharr! (Nov 9, 2005)

I am in tears!









The other day while I was creating dinner, dd 4yrs old playing across the room
held up a toy cat and said:

DD: I am going to name this cat Penis!







:

ME: huh-huh'ing trying to keep my laughter contained "Felix?







thats a good name for a cat







"

DD: not FEELIX! PENIS!

Me in my head: rats!

ME: huh-huh-huh, uuh, thats lovely.

DD: holds up a dog, here, you can call this dog felix mama

ME: sure


----------



## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

"Mmm-hmm!" (my eighteen-month-old while nursing)

"What are we going to use to obscure the hunger with fullness?" (my hungry six-year-old)


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Just remembered another one!

When DS was about 2 1/2, I decided I was going to give him a new "big word" each day, explain to him what it meant, and ask him to try to use the word in sentences throughout the day. The first word I gave him was "suggestion." After a few days of doing this and him not using the words in sentences, I had given up. A few days later (about two weeks from the beginning of this idea), I was trying to wash behind his ears in the tub, and he busts out with, "I have a SUGGESTION (said very loudly). Don't do that anymore."

Another one I might have already shared: My daughter's father cheated on me when I was seven months pregnant with her, so I broke up with him. I was really upset about it for a few days and pretty much laid around the house moping. One evening I was crying (I thought discretely) in bed, and my DS came and got in bed with me and put his arms around my neck. Here is the conversation that took place:

Chase (not quite 4 at the time): Don't cry, Mama. I'm here with you.
Me: Aw, thank you baby, that's very sweet. (crying harder as I hug him tight)
Chase (after two or three minutes of this): Mama?
Me: What, baby?
Chase: Could you stop crying now? I'm tired of hearing that.

Then I told this story to my mom the next day, and he goes: "I was tired of hearing it."


----------



## Maple Leaf Mama (Jul 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
Just remembered another one!

When DS was about 2 1/2, I decided I was going to give him a new "big word" each day, explain to him what it meant, and ask him to try to use the word in sentences throughout the day. The first word I gave him was "suggestion." After a few days of doing this and him not using the words in sentences, I had given up. A few days later (about two weeks from the beginning of this idea), I was trying to wash behind his ears in the tub, and he busts out with, "I have a SUGGESTION (said very loudly). Don't do that anymore."

I sprayed the laptop screen with coffee when I read this! (THANK GOODNESS DH wasn't home to see that! WHEW!)


----------



## sehbub (Mar 15, 2006)

becoming - Your DS sounds incredibly precocious! How great!!


----------



## Fiestabeth (Aug 4, 2006)

A friend of my mom's recently gave her two bamboo stalks, one of which was meant for me. So we were over at her house and she said I should take mine home and asked, "Which one do you want?" I was about to reply when M (7) pipes up from across the room: "Does it matter? She's going to kill either one." I don't exactly have a green thumb, and apparently EVERYONE knows it!









And yesterday, S, dh, and I were just snuggling in the bed, and she's at the tail end of a cold so she's got a gravelly voice. Alex jokingly said, "S, have you been smoking?" She looked straight at him and lets out this gravelly, "YES." We were cracking up.







(BTW, we don't smoke nor do we know anyone that smokes, so it was purely coincidental, but very funny.)


----------



## sophiee (May 4, 2006)

i like this thread...

i was sitting around with dd the other day and i was feeling really sick, so i said "owww, my stomach hurts" and she looked at me all worried and said "oh no, that means i need a new mommy" like i was defective and needed to be replaced immediately.

it was funny at the time.


----------



## monkeysmommy (Apr 3, 2003)

My daughter, almost 4 and a half, argues constantly with just about everything we say. At breakfast yesterday, dh says, "G, are you always right about everything?"

dd:"no, sometimes I'm wrong."

big pause while dh and I's jaws drop at this admission.

dd: "But I AM the greatest in the world!"


----------



## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smlwieber* 
Been watching MagicSchool bus lately??

Here is the best one from my 3 yo... taken from http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=525374

My 3 year old is wearing his winter toque around....he had put his little soccer ball, his light up ball and his red ball in the hat...then he put the whole hat in his pants..walked over to me holding the hat in his pants and said...

wait for it..

where are my balls


















:


----------



## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elyra* 
My children have said some doozies!









Just the other day one of the younger ones was having a very loud emotional discussion with himself (aka: a tantrum







) in the middle of the kitchen floor impeading the way for anyone walking by. So I picked him up to move him 2 feet into the dinning room where he could finish his discussion with himself. I picked him up like he was a turtle because he was all balled up and all of the sudden he yells:

PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!

















:


----------



## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazycandigirl* 
While visting family out of town, and eating dinner with everyone gathered around the table talking, my mom asked me if we liked the hotel.

My DD cut in saying

" Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"

I turned red, my sister in law choked on her food, and my grandma was shocked. I swear that we didnt say anything like that in front of her- she came up with it on her own! LOL









Oh goodness she really knows how to make an impression.









:


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I am loving these! What great kids we have.

One from my niece this weekend, while playing house with my DS:

"I don't WANT to be the grandma. Grandmas are old and wrinkly."

And my son just came to me with a light saber a couple hours ago and said, "I don't know why this says not to hit people or animals with it. I just hit myself in the forehead with it twice, and it didn't hurt even one little bit."


----------



## DecemberSun (Jul 6, 2003)

I am pregnant and my 3 yr old son is very curious about it. I was eating lunch the other day and he asked me if the baby gets food all over it when I eat. Then when I was in the tub he asked if the baby gets wet when I take a bath.


----------



## trini (Sep 20, 2005)

My son is only speaking single words right now, so I have nothing to add to this thread, but I am subbing because it is hilarious!


----------



## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

this morning, as she jumped on me repeatedly, my three year old was saying this over and over again:

"mommy, I don't like you!!"

she waited a couple of seconds

"ohhh, sorry, sorry, I'm sorry!" and she smothered me with hugs and kisses. Two minutes later she looks at me, gets an evil look on her face, and said "I don't like you again!!!" and started giggling hysterically.


----------



## mummy marja (Jan 19, 2005)

When my dd was 3, she experienced her first wedgie--and this is how she described it:

"My pants are way too up and my bum is way too down!"


----------



## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

Quote:

"My pants are way too up and my bum is way too down!"
That's a good one!


----------



## mummy marja (Jan 19, 2005)

This weekend we were at a wedding. Immediatly afterward, my 5 yr-old neice said, "Well that was a waste of time!"


----------



## teachma (Dec 20, 2002)

This weekend, we were walking in the woods in our backyard, talking about the best way to clear some branches and make a path to a stream back there. Ds (6) suggested, "We should rent a beaver to chew through all of those logs." Good concept!


----------



## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

My nephew had some gnats flying around his ear, said "these flies are hurting me!" mom replied "no, they're just irritating you," a moment later they were near his eye, he said "mommy, now they're eyeitating me!!!"

When mom was nursing my little brother, nephew asked what she was doing, she said feeding the baby, "whatcha feeding him?" "milk" nephew asked "....is the other one juice?"


----------



## charmander (Dec 30, 2003)

This weekend, my 7 1/2 year old was telling me about something or other, and referred to me as "dude."

I said, laughing, "Did you just call me _dude_?"

He stopped and said. "Oh, I meant _dudette._"


----------



## gabry (Jan 21, 2004)

Love this thread, it just made my day a bit brighter








I have two:

Ds (3), from his stroller, as we approach one of our elderly neighbours on the sidewalk: "Watch out for that old man!"









After I had explained as best I could how and why ds2 was born by CS, he thought for a minute, then asked: "Mama, when I was born, was your tummy broken too?"


----------



## grapejuicemama (Nov 18, 2005)

Oh my goodness. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!

It was my birthday yesterday so my sister was over and we were all eating tamales at the dinner table. Her boyfriend showed up right in the middle of dinner, so we invited him to sit down and eat. After a moment, my son, who will be three on Halloween looked at him and said:

"After you eat, you have to go home."

Very matter-of-fact. His reasoning was that it was dark outside and everyone needed to be home when it's dark.

I LOVE this thread.


----------



## Elyra (Aug 19, 2006)

We just spent a week traveling and with family of all sorts where my children met all sorts of relatives they didn't know they had. My "probably dangerous" one was a bit stand offish for the first few moments of meeting anyone. So everyone had been asking him if he was shy.

Yesterday as we were driving home we stopped to eat a fast food place with a play place. While he was sitting and eating one of the older women who worked there was cleaning up the play area and he shouts as loud as he can to her "Excuse me! Excuse me! I'm being shy."


----------



## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

My 5 year old dd has been really interested in "Growing" things and planting seeds to grow them etc...

We went to grab a burger, and on the burger were sesame seeds. She looked at Dh & I so seriously and said "Ya know, I think I will take some seeds off of my bun and plant them, so I can grow some bread!"









We had to explain that one


----------



## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mummy marja* 
This weekend we were at a wedding. Immediatly afterward, my 5 yr-old neice said, "Well that was a waste of time!"


----------



## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

Another from my 5 year old dd...

We were talking a few days ago, and the convo went something like this:

Me: Abby, do you think you will have babies when you grow up?!

Dd: Maybe. I have to get married first. Like you and daddy!

Me: Well you don't HAVE to be married to have a baby, but it is good if you are I guess.
Mommy & Daddy were not married when we had Erik & Alex.

Dd: Were you married when you had me?

Me: Yep! We were married when we had you, but we weren't when we had the boys....

Dd: OH! I get it, so you only have to be married if you want a GIRL baby!


----------



## gabry (Jan 21, 2004)

Ds was listening to a Christmas dvd (I know, don't ask me why) where they sing the "good tidings to you and your kin" thing. He asked what kin meant, and I said it's like family, people close to you.
His face lit up as he exclaimed: "We're a kin!" and hugged dh and me


----------



## bobica (May 31, 2004)

just now, while cuddling at the computer, "i'm petting your boobies!"

and she was


----------



## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

My little boy was nursing on the right breast...quite loudly too...high-pitched kind of squealing/slurping sounds.
He stopped and said, "Um, Mom...this one needs oil. It's squeaking."


----------



## bobica (May 31, 2004)

oh i forgot about the conversation dd had with my dad.

DD- look at the leaf!

Gpa- Who makes the leaves?

DD- I don't know.

Gpa- God makes the leaves.

DD- God? I never met him!


----------



## mightymoo (Dec 6, 2003)

Okay, I thoguht I'd share this conversation a friend's 4 yo DD had with her - her DD has had several major heart operations to correct birth defects.

DD - Mommy, is god extinct?
Mom - huh?
DD - At school we talked about how the dinasaurs aren't around anymore so they are extinct. God isn't around, is he extinct?
Mom - No, God is in your heart
DD - Really? Did the doctors see him when they were in there?

The poor mom as if she didn't have enough to go through with the surgeries, her daughter just doesn't doesn't miss a beat!


----------



## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *supahero* 
I was nursing the baby, when my non-verbal almost-3 year old came up and kept handing me his sippy cup for more water. I kept saying "you have to wait, sweetie", "just a minute" etc. My daughter walked over and holding my leather-bound diary said, "according to my research, when someone is breastfeeding - you have to wait."









omg that is hilarious!


----------



## Fiestabeth (Aug 4, 2006)

Last night M wanted me to time her while she jumped to see how long she could stay airborne. I said, "Almost a second." She frowned and said, "I sure don't like gravity very much."


----------



## P-chan (Jan 23, 2004)

The other day I was cleaning my son after a particularly messy diaper and he learned the word "scrotum." He thought it was the funniest word ever. Then he said, "Scrotum. Scrotum. Can we have risotto for dinner?"


----------



## embers (Mar 24, 2006)

My son, age 3.5, was telling me about motorcycles. He was really into the descriptions and what he was telling me, and in excitement started talking about the 'mud across' racing. Because, you know, they get mud all across them.

Mud across = motocross
























Best part - I have NO IDEA where he picked this up. Mythbusters, maybe? Anyway, I about died in laughter!


----------



## One Art (Nov 9, 2005)

my three year old dd was helping me go through her old baby clothes, and as I carried some big boxes from the garage into the house she said "I can't imagine working so hard, because I'm just a little imp!" later that same day I got off the phone after a irritating call and said "pain in the butt" and she said "you're a pain in the butt!" I laughed and responded in kind, and she said "you're a pain in two butts!" I cracked up!


----------



## thomlynn (Apr 20, 2006)

My friend is a nanny and one of her kids got out of the shower yesterday, rubbed his shins and said he needed lotion for this part of him.

Nanny: Do you know what that part's called?

4year old: No

Nanny: It's your shins

4year old: OK I need some lotion for my shin and my baby cows (his calves).


----------



## Crazy Basil (May 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
Just remembered another one!

When DS was about 2 1/2, I decided I was going to give him a new "big word" each day, explain to him what it meant, and ask him to try to use the word in sentences throughout the day. The first word I gave him was "suggestion." After a few days of doing this and him not using the words in sentences, I had given up. A few days later (about two weeks from the beginning of this idea), I was trying to wash behind his ears in the tub, and he busts out with, "I have a SUGGESTION (said very loudly). Don't do that anymore."























:





















: "I have a SUGGESTION!" Sigh... good stuff.







See! Sometimes you really can't tell when they're retaining all that stuff!


----------



## Crazy Basil (May 22, 2006)

Man, these are hilarious... I'm drawing a blank on anything nearly as hysterical as any of these but I did have a funny potty moment with DS.

Note: The only thing we really use the dreaded "Good Job!" for is pooping in the potty.

DS: Mommy, potty?
Me: Yep
DS: Mommy, poopy?
Me: Yep
I finish going, DS inspects the, uh, deposit and flushes the pot. Turns to me and says, jumping up and down "GOOD JOB POTTY MOMMY! GOOD JOB POTTY MOMMY! FIVES! FIVES!" (We also do high fives after successful trips to the pot







) I have to say, I've never felt so good about taking a dump before.


----------



## fyoosh (May 9, 2005)

The other day, my son (4 on halloween) and I were talking about different soft things we like to touch...

DS: I like petting Cheyenne and Hectis (our dog and cat), they are soft.
Me: Yes, they are. And your blanket is very soft too!
DS: Mmm hmm... and rabbits are soft. VERY soft!
Me (touching his cheek): Well, you're the softest thing I like to touch.
DS (giving me that exasperated type of look: Mommy. Humans are NOT *THINGS!*










He's got a point, though


----------



## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

DD was staring out the window thinking to herself and compulsively began explaining to me that
"Mom, Brian (DP) told me he stepped on a bee when he was younger.
You're supposed to let the stinger fall out so that it doesn't get infected, and when a bee loses it's stinger it dies.
I know that if you rub clay into a bee sting it's supposed to make it feel better.
By the way, our garden is full of clay.
Nama wanted me to tell you that that's why you're flowers aren't growing well."







:
I'm not sure what prompted this little monologue (perhaps she saw a bee?) but at least it reminded her of the message that my mom asked her to pass on to me









I love how systematically her little brain works sometimes!


----------



## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

Ds (3) like to ask people if they want to play with his wee wees.







We have to explain alot that "this little piggy went to market...........wee wee wee all the way home" was one of his fave games when he was younger. We think its just to cute to try and correct.

Allison


----------



## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

Oooh I just remembered another funny:

DD likes to make lists of things, especially drawn categories of objects. One day she was doing a drawing and asked me "What does a flamango look like again?"
Me: It's pink and stands on one leg?

Her: No!! It's not an animal!

Me: ??? Um, okay can you explain it to me?

Her: You know, the fruit! FLA-MANGO?!!! (and holds up her list of fruit drawings)

Me: OOOOOHhhh, you mean MANGO bwahahaa!!


----------



## momma earthical (May 21, 2006)

At a needlework group last night I had given 3yo dd a puzzle to keep her occupied at the table, she dropped a piece and was getting upset because she couldn't find it. So I pointed out that it was on the floor under her chair and told her she could get down to pick it up. She looked straight at me and said "You pick it up, you're the parent" Well I just burst out laughing to the astonishment of some of the less crunchy people at the table!


----------



## straighthaircurly (Dec 17, 2005)

We were doing Brain Quest questions on a car trip. I was showing him a picture of a picnic and the question asked, "What do you call a meal that you only eat outside?" My ds thought for a moment and then said with great excitement, "A popsicle!"







Hmmm...maybe we've been eating too many fruit pops!


----------



## Shirelle (May 22, 2006)

My three year old calls his tennis shoes "antenna shoes". And yesterday, his little brother was messing with his toy phone with buttons, and he loudly yelled, "HEY Quit Pushing my Buttons!" I got a big kick out of it....ds is autistic, and it's rare to hear him say such "normal" kid stuff


----------



## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Ada (4), to me, as i'm getting out of the shower: you should put your clothes on, mama. don't walk around naked.

me, thinking that maybe she is starting to be concerned about privacy: okay. i will. but why?

ada: well, so you wouldn't pee on the carpet, that's why.


----------



## tallmomma (May 10, 2006)

We were riding in the car quietly yesterday and dd1 (4yo) was in deep thought. She then proceeded to tell me, "Momma, sometimes when I am thinking really hard, it makes me have to go pee-pee."


----------



## adamsfam07 (Sep 9, 2006)

We just had our 3rd son about 3 months ago, my other two are now 8yrs and 5yrs. Well, about a month or so before the baby was born my 8 yr old came to me and said he had to ask me a very important question and with all seriousness proceeded to ask me "If I loved him and both of his brothers then why did I eat them?" I guess he had been thinking about it for some time and concluded that in order for me to have a baby in my stomach I must have eaten it.


----------



## Mountaingirl3 (May 21, 2005)

:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annabanana* 
Ada (4), to me, as i'm getting out of the shower: you should put your clothes on, mama. don't walk around naked.

me, thinking that maybe she is starting to be concerned about privacy: okay. i will. but why?

ada: well, so you wouldn't pee on the carpet, that's why.









:


----------



## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *adamsfam07* 
We just had our 3rd son about 3 months ago, my other two are now 8yrs and 5yrs. Well, about a month or so before the baby was born my 8 yr old came to me and said he had to ask me a very important question and with all seriousness proceeded to ask me "If I loved him and both of his brothers then why did I eat them?" I guess he had been thinking about it for some time and concluded that in order for me to have a baby in my stomach I must have eaten it.









was the baby in your stomach, though?


----------



## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tallmomma* 
We were riding in the car quietly yesterday and dd1 (4yo) was in deep thought. She then proceeded to tell me, "Momma, sometimes when I am thinking really hard, it makes me have to go pee-pee."


----------



## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

Both DD1 and DD2 have the same middle name (Marie).

My dh is a teacher and he got his school picture taken and had an order form if he wanted to order them. His name was written on the side of the picture. DD1 (4) who is learning how to read, sees the pictures, pick it up and says "That says Daddy Marie B____" I almost died laughing. THen I asked her what my name is and she said "Mommy Marie B____"


----------



## JoshuasMommy (Feb 19, 2004)

I have always sang to my ds. I make up songs about whatevers happening at the moment or songs to help learn things like how to spell his name. A couple months ago dd 4mo at the time was laying on the bed with me while I folded laundry and made up a song for her. Joshua 5yo comes in the room and listens to my song and starts laughing and playing with his baby sister. A little while later he jumps up and leaves the room. Carly starts crying and I begin singing her some song about her brother leaving her blue etc...Joshua comes back in the room when he hears this. Then he begins singing her a song and it goes like this...

Carly I love you a bushell and a peck. Carly I love you even when you choke and spit up milk. Carly I love you even though you are bald. Carly I love you even though you have no teeth.

The song ends there because by that point I am losing it! I tried so hard to keep from laughing because I wanted to hear more but I couldn't. I was crying rolling on the bed laughing...Tina~


----------



## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

This morning my 9 yo DS told me, "Dad got lucky last night". I asked him to expound upon that and he told me that the Magic Cards DH got last night had some cool rares. What's funny is that he has NO CLUE what he said.


----------



## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

from my six year old:

I'm sassy and rude, but I do say thank you.

and when watching the steamy dance scene between Cate Blanchett and Joseph Fiennes in Elizabeth:

Is she pregnant? Because she's sure breathing fast!


----------



## freepress (Jul 11, 2006)

My 3 1/2 yr old dss can't quite pronounce words that start with "st" -- he says a "d" sound instead. We were out camping, and my partner was gathering firewood. He was dragging a big log over, and Dss yelled out, "Daddy has a real big dick!"
His 4-yr old cousin, who's about to have a baby brother, was patting her hand on my tummy, and she exclaimed, "you have a baby in there!"
Seriously, it's a tiny little pot-belly. More of a slight pooch.
But this is the best thing he ever said to me. I was asking him the names of his family members--what's daddy's name? what's mommy's name? what's nanny's name? what's your stepdaddy's name? Then he looked up at me and said, "Will you be my stepmommy?" I almost started crying.


----------



## boobybunny (Jun 28, 2005)

This is several years old, my son now 10 was getting up from a nap around the age of four.

I was making his older step sisters a grilled cheese sandwich, and asked him if he wanted a "grilled cheese sandwich." to which he replied, "NO, I want a BOYS cheese sandwich."







:


----------



## violet (Nov 19, 2001)

Today - mind you I'm 7+ months pregnant, anemic, and apparently the children have picked up on the fact that I'm tired -

DS, age 2 - Mama, be a monster (loves to play monster, chase, etc)

DD, age 4 from the other room - She's a tired monster . . . who doesn't want to cook dinner.

Ha - how perceptive they are!


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

A conversation between my son (almost 5) and my niece (5) last night:

DN: LiLi, can I play ?
Me: Yes, that's fine.
DN (to DS): Your mom said I can play .
DS: NO! YOU CAN'T!
DN: Yes, I can! Your mom said I can.
DS (yelling): Mama, Elizabeth's going to throw the controller down!
DN: No, I won't! I'll just get really mad and yell at the TV!


----------



## amyjeans (Jul 27, 2004)

Me: "Sara, could you PLEASE help me pick up your toys?"
Sara: "Mom! You can't rush perfection!"
she's turning 4 in Jan.

or this...
Me: "Sara, do you need to go potty?" She was doing the potty dance.
Sara: "oh yes, and I need a book." in an exaspirated tone.
(That means she needs to poop, because the bathroom subs as a library.)


----------



## TheDivineMissE (Mar 31, 2006)

I'm 41+ weeks preggo and I was laying on the floor the other night with my 3 year old. The baby started moving and kicked my daughter in the back. She rolled over, looked at my belly and said "My baby sister is coming out!! I better get out of the way!!" and got up and ran over to a safer spot on the couch. My mom, husband and I were crying because the look on her face was hysterical! I think she thought I might pop like a giant water balloon - then again, I just might!


----------



## rharr! (Nov 9, 2005)

Jeanie(thedivinemissE)- that was hilarious









This summer while camping with a friend of mine with her 4yr old son, my daughter met a 3ish girl. This girl had a REAL hate-on for boys and bullied them all over and wouldnt let them play on the playground or with my daughter-which suited her just fine, as she was not feeling too fond of most boys at that point in her life anyway.
So anyway....

dd comes running up to me from the park all excited and sparkly eyed:
DD-mama I made a friend!
Me- Oh really?
DD-yes her name is Emily!







:
Me-thats a nice name.

We both stop to look at her new friend at the playground, who at that moment steals a ball from one of the boys and yells at him to go away.

Dd inhales and holds, looks pensive, then dd says to me- Shes a little fiesty!
Me- yes, I see that she is







:









It was such a cute and funny moment.


----------



## rebecca2002 (Sep 18, 2002)

I was at the bottom of the stairs putting on DS's shoes when DD came crashing down the stairs. I have no idea what made her fall, I just know that there were arms and legs and banging down the steps and I jumped to try to stop what I could. Tears erupted and as I held her, I asked her what happened. She said, "I fell down the stairs."


----------



## Elyra (Aug 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rharr!* 
JWe both stop to look at her new friend at the playground, who at that moment steals a ball from one of the boys and yells at him to go away.

Dd inhales and holds, looks pensive, then dd says to me- Shes a little fiesty!
Me- yes, I see that she is







:









It was such a cute and funny moment.























TOO CUTE!!!


----------



## Maple Leaf Mama (Jul 2, 2004)

I was making cheese straws (puff pastry, cheese, herbs etc) for thanksgiving dinner a couple of weeks ago.
I was reading the recipe on my laptop and my 3 year old who fancies herself quite the chef (her fav show is Barefoot Contessa) prances into the kitchen, hands on hips and asks:
"So, do you need my help, or what??"

Umm, no thanks hun, I think I've got this one.









Today at the Dr.s office, DD was reading a Barney book that had pictures of food in it.
She was asking me what each food was (she wanted to see if *I* knew them all)
We got to the picture of cheese and she asked me.
I said-You know what that is.
She said "ch, ch, ch"
I laughed out loud, because that it what I do to her to give her a hint.







:
I finally said "cheese??"
she SQUEELED with delight--YES, that's right Mummy, GOOOOD JOOOOB!!"
The whole waiting room erupted.


----------



## wildmonkeys (Oct 4, 2004)

Okay, so ds2 came up with one today I have to share.

I took him to the midwife for my 20 week check-up and he came in the bathroom with me while I collected my urine sample and watched while I gave it to a nurse in a plastic cup.

He then chatted nicely with the midwife and quietly listened to the babies heartbeat before the midwife asked him "Do you have any questions for me" to which ds replied "Yes, when are you going to drink my mom's pee"









BJ
Barney & Ben


----------



## Fiestabeth (Aug 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wildmonkeys* 
Okay, so ds2 came up with one today I have to share.

I took him to the midwife for my 20 week check-up and he came in the bathroom with me while I collected my urine sample and watched while I gave it to a nurse in a plastic cup.

He then chatted nicely with the midwife and quietly listened to the babies heartbeat before the midwife asked him "Do you have any questions for me" to which ds replied "Yes, when are you going to drink my mom's pee"









BJ
Barney & Ben

OMG!! I just spit on the computer screen my laugh came out so hard!







:


----------



## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

I so needed this today! These are great!

The one i have is from today. We are i target shopping and dd sees all these padded bras:
DD (2.5 years) "whats those mommy?"
me Those are bras
dd "for you boobs?"
me "for your nursies"
dd loudly "dad doesnt like nursies but he does like boobs!"
me "hey look at that cool shirt" trying desperatly to distract
dd "yeah thats nice...bras are for nipples!"

Then an older lady walks up to look at the rack next to us

DD "daddy REALLLLLLY likes NIPPLES!!!"

Lady smirks

Lady says to dd "you are a pretty little girl"
dd "yup, and you are not"
lady "are you shopping with your mommy?"
dd "MOOOOOOOM i dont want to talk to that old lady she is BAD!!!!"

Lovely


----------



## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wildmonkeys* 
Okay, so ds2 came up with one today I have to share.

I took him to the midwife for my 20 week check-up and he came in the bathroom with me while I collected my urine sample and watched while I gave it to a nurse in a plastic cup.

He then chatted nicely with the midwife and quietly listened to the babies heartbeat before the midwife asked him "Do you have any questions for me" to which ds replied "Yes, when are you going to drink my mom's pee"









BJ
Barney & Ben











I am in a study where i take a daily urine sample, put them in the garage freezer and bring them in weekly. DD (2.5 years) knows we bring it to the hosp once a week and give it to the doctor. She named him "dr peepee" And when we walk into the crowded hosp she always yells "helllooo Dr PEEPEE!" His mom (i think she is in her late 80's) got such a kick out of the story she had a plaque made for him that says "dr peepee"


----------



## Stayseeliz (Jul 16, 2004)

Today in the car my 2.5yo said "Mama, I like cars and spaghetti. That's all."

Don't know where that came from but it made me laugh!!


----------



## Maple Leaf Mama (Jul 2, 2004)

Dh just told me this.

Last night DH was trying to get a hotel on price line. He was in the process of trying to pay for it. He couldn't make out the last 3 digits on the back of his card-they had worn off. After his third attempt,DH kinda cursed under his breath and DD asked what was wrong.
He said his card wasn't working.
She went over to her cash register and got her (exact replica American Express that came in the mail-says "your name here") and said-
Thats OK Daddy, you can use mine.









AAAAAAHHHH!


----------



## Stayseeliz (Jul 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maple Leaf Mama* 
Dh just told me this.

Last night DH was trying to get a hotel on price line. He was in the process of trying to pay for it. He couldn't make out the last 3 digits on the back of his card-they had worn off. After his third attempt,DH kinda cursed under his breath and DD asked what was wrong.
He said his card wasn't working.
She went over to her cash register and got her (exact replica American Express that came in the mail-says "your name here") and said-
Thats OK Daddy, you can use mine.









AAAAAAHHHH!











If only that worked!! I'd have a whole new wardrobe!!


----------



## Kleine Hexe (Dec 2, 2001)

My DS has a cold and doesn't feel very well. He told me that "his whole brain hurts."


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

And another one from my DS last night...

DS (yelling from his room): Mama, why did you take my bop bag out of my room?

Me: I didn't--

DS: Oh, here it is! Sorry! I was out of my mind!

(I'm assuming he meant to say, "Never mind"...)


----------



## cdmaze (Nov 15, 2005)

My dd (2 and a half) is starting to pick up what we say too much (our fault- not hers).

She's started to say crap quite a bit. Like "ah mommy- theres crap in my bed", or "Mommy- my ponys has to crap now"

The funniest thing is my 5 yo son- he started putting his thumb in his mouth and then blowing hard to fill up his cheek, thus popping out his thumb. He was doing this so much, I was starting to worry it was a tick or something. I'd ask him why he was doing it and he'd sort of shrug.

Finally, I saw him doing it when dh was around- and I pointed it out. "See! He's doing it again!"

Dh shook his head and laughed a little. "Hey bud--- what are you doing?"

"Remember dad? Remember when I hit the tree when I was sledding?" Ds asked.

Well, DH burst out laughing. Last winter, ds was sledding down our hill and ran into a tree- hurting his groin pretty bad for the first time. Apparently Dh told him to blow on his thumb like this to "pop his nuts back out".

"Dad, " ds continues "I'm just poppin my nuts."

Great.


----------



## Bartock (Feb 2, 2006)

Mom, where is Caillou penis?

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=543036


----------



## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

My six-year-old has really been nurturing her baby sister (nineteen months) this evening. She's been cradling her in her lap and warming her up with a blanket. A few moments ago they lay side by side across the seat of the easy chair and my oldest said, "Look, Mommy: we're already showing sister-love!"


----------



## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

My 8 year old came up and told me what food she and her sister were taking upstairs, what they were playing blah blah blah, and then said,

"I just wanted to keep you in the loop."


----------



## adamsfam07 (Sep 9, 2006)

I have 3 boys Kaleb 8yrs, Jacob 5yrs and Caeden 3mo. Anyway, Kaleb came to me the other day and said that Caeden really looks up to him and Jacob, I replied yes his does and always will. He said "yes but he'll always look up to me more because I'm the tallest"


----------



## tatangel19 (Sep 16, 2006)

Between DD 1 and DSS yest in car DD:so you went on a date? DSS No, I just rode bikes with her. DD: So what's the difference? DSS You go different stuff on a date. And you really like the other person. DD: So you don't like her? DSS No I like her DD So it was a date? DSS NO!!! DD.......So are you gay?







:


----------



## M_of_M (Jun 13, 2003)

My 3.5 year old:

I took a very good picture of dd yesterday and showed it to her on my camera. She looked at it and said: "Oh my God, I am sooo beautiful!!!"

We went to a zoo. The next day at breakfast I wanted to review with her all the animals that we saw there. So, I asked her to name them. She did. At night, I wanted to review it again and asked her whether she can name the animals for mommy again. She said: "Mom...I can't believe you forgot everything already!!!"

DD knows that she is not allowed to put dolls or sit herself in ds's infant car seat because it is CLEAN. She was playing with the doll and I overheard her conversation: "Oh, (doll's name), I know you really want to sit in baby's car seat. But mommy does not allow that because it has to stay very clean. But you know what? If baby will burp or poop in it, then we will quickly sit in it too before mom will clean it up again".

I went with my mother and dd to a clothing store to get some suits. I tried a few on and my mom commented whether it was good, bad, wrong colour, wrong fit, etc. Then she went to the bathroom while I was left with ds. I decided to try on a blouse and when I did I said outloud that I don't really like it. My dd then said: "hold on, mom. Turn around. (I did). She said "You know what...(then a pause)...it fits you just perfectly".

We have a tenant in the basement and we often call him "tenant" and not by name. My friend was asking dd about everyone's names and asked what's tenant's name. DD answered: "What do you mean, what his name is? His name is "Tenant"!"

A few days after ds was just born, grandfather called and talked to DD and asked her how ds was doing. She said: "He is fine. He has been born already".









Oh, boy...I can go on and on as I have at least 30-50 more of those super sayings.


----------



## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

When our sitter arrived recently, I was telling her a story about how someone was really rude to me. My DD got huffy and said, "Like, what about (insert air quotes)The Manners?"


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aquadaughter* 
I've got a good one that I said when I was seven.

me, straight-faced, very matter-of-factly: I am as tall as many adult midgets.

Mom, holding back laughter: Oh, really?!

Now that I look back, It's hysterical!!








:


----------



## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

Here was our dinner conversation the other night:

DD2, age 1: YYYEEEEEEAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
DH: Hey, Little Shmoo. Come on, stop screaming. Pterodactyls are extinct!
DD1, age 4: Yeah, Shmoo! Pterodactyls STINK!!!

And then, in the bathroom:

DD1, age 4: Mommy, you have hair on your vulva.
Me: Yes, that happens to girls when they grow up and become women.
DD1: Will I get hair there?
Me: Yep.
DD1: Will it be brown like yours?
Me: Probably.
DD1: Is every woman's vulva hair brown?
Me: No, some women's vulva hair is blond, or red, or black.
DD1: Oooh, Mommy, I know...I want mine to be pink!


----------



## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fiddledebi* 

And then, in the bathroom:

DD1, age 4: Mommy, you have hair on your vulva.
Me: Yes, that happens to girls when they grow up and become women.
DD1: Will I get hair there?
Me: Yep.
DD1: Will it be brown like yours?
Me: Probably.
DD1: Is every woman's vulva hair brown?
Me: No, some women's vulva hair is blond, or red, or black.
DD1: *Oooh, Mommy, I know...I want mine to be pink*!









Hey me too!


----------



## MamaDeLiana (Dec 31, 2002)

Near the baggage claim at the airport in a city we were visiting, a lady started chatting with 4yo DD about where we were from. Then she asked, "Are you a good flier?" DD replied, "Well, we came on an *airplane,* but I do have wings at home."


----------



## lissabob (Dec 18, 2005)

Meleah's most recent obsession- the hokey pokey. (Dang backyardigans!) Anyways, she'll insist I get up and start sing/chanting it-
You put your lef foot in, you put it out, you put your lef foot in, you put it out, you do the HOLEY IN THE POKEY and you turn yourself around...








It's SO cute. She's ALWAYS coming back at me with things that I never remember to write down, but I swear it's like having a teenager in the house instead of a 3 yo!


----------



## Annings1361 (Oct 26, 2006)

DH, DD and I were walking home after playing in Central Park. DD saw DH sweating from the summer heat and announced very loudly on the busy city sidewalk, "My daddy is HOT!"

That got a few head-turns.


----------



## 1xmom (Dec 30, 2003)

Me: Hurry, up before a care comes (as we are crossing the street by a liquor store).

Her: Mommy, no one ever goes in there.

Me: Well, sometimes people go in there. It is a liqour store.

Her: Eww, what do they "lick" in there?


----------



## Elyra (Aug 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1xmom* 
Me: Hurry, up before a care comes (as we are crossing the street by a liquor store).

Her: Mommy, no one ever goes in there.

Me: Well, sometimes people go in there. It is a liqour store.

Her: Eww, what do they "lick" in there?























That's fantastic!


----------



## lisalou (May 20, 2005)

"Mommy, I want red book and tampon."

Seriously regretting ever "drawing" the cover of a book with a tampon to amuse dd on the ride home.

This past weekend when dd tried on princess costume she declared, "I'm adorable! Daddy, I'm adorable!"


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

DS (5) got a new toy this past weekend, and my niece (5) ran into the room and said, "What is it?" DS held it up, and she goes, "My God, let's play with it."


----------



## mackysmama (Jan 11, 2005)

I finally have something to add!

My DS (4) recently started preschool at a Methodist church. It is his first exposure to Christianity.

DS: Mama, today at school, Ms. XXX told us not to say "Oh God" because it is taking the Lord's name in vein (went on to explain what that meant and that it wasn't him that said it - phew)
ME: You sometimes say "Oh God" when you are frustrated, what could you say instead?
DS: Damn it!








That's my boy!

We settled on "Oh Geez"


----------



## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mackysmama* 
I finally have something to add!

My DS (4) recently started preschool at a Methodist church. It is his first exposure to Christianity.

DS: Mama, today at school, Ms. XXX told us not to say "Oh God" because it is taking the Lord's name in vein (went on to explain what that meant and that it wasn't him that said it - phew)
ME: You sometimes say "Oh God" when you are frustrated, what could you say instead?
DS: Damn it!








That's my boy!

We settled on "Oh Geez"

Oh, man! All these are funny, but this one really had me







:


----------



## Stacymom (Jul 7, 2002)

My two girls ages three and five, were upstairs and it was time for a bath. I told the girls that they needed to get undressed and ready for the bath. My oldest looked at me and said "Why do we need to take bath, Mom? Do we smell like boys?"








:

I have bo idea where she learned that....


----------



## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mackysmama* 
ME: You sometimes say "Oh God" when you are frustrated, what could you say instead?
DS: Damn it!








That's my boy!

We settled on "Oh Geez"

Ha! DH and I started self-censoring our much-more-colorful expletives when DD1 was born, and the two of us settled on a Homer Simpson "D'oh!!!" You should have seen my brother almost swallow his tongue laughing when DD1, age 18 months, dropped something and said, with perfect inflection, "D'OHH!!!"


----------



## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

my 3 yo dd-when she was ready to get out of the swing:

mommy, I am so done!


----------



## sciencemama (Nov 13, 2004)

dh was helping some friends move and they told me to stop by on my way home and see the new place. i told dd i wasn't quite sure where the house was so we would drive around the block until we saw the moving truck.

"That's a moving truck?" she said when we parked. "But Mommy- it isn't moving."


----------



## rachelgirl (Oct 24, 2006)

My youngest boy has a small speech impediment...so everytime he sees soccer on tv or outside - "soccer" always comes out "sf*cker" ! So when it is put in a sentence it always sounds really really bad... I blocked FSC (foxsoccerchannel)... I hope he grows out of this by next year - when he starts playing!


----------



## Elyra (Aug 19, 2006)

Ok here's one from today. Dh and his friend were building insulated boxes to line our dormers for the winter. They were wearing tool belts and Ds ran out and saw them and said they were builders. The gave him some scraps of wood, some nails, and a hammer and told him to build something. Ds loooved it. Then Dh and his friend took a break to and I asked them what they would like to drink, Dh's friend asked if I had soda and I said no. So he and Dh went to go pick up some. When they got back Ds piped up proudly: "Builders *_like_* soda!" We all laughed, then he eyed the cans of soda, gets the proudest look on his face and says "I'm a builder too."


----------



## lissabob (Dec 18, 2005)

Yesterday dd was napping and woke up a bit and wanted to nurse (booboo). She was saying mama I want booboo, come on mama. And THEN, out of the blue







she goes bwah babwah! (If you've ever seen blue's clues... it's the noise that Blue makes.)







DH and I were trying SO hard not to laugh and wake her up all the way. She's done that before and started growling like a puppy too. Guess I know what she's dreaming about!!


----------



## rubelin (Feb 3, 2002)

I got a good one today. I was in the bathroom and DS2 (29 mo) comes in and asks if I'm peeing and says "where's you're Yoni?? is it in there?" (I had on a long shirt that hung to my thighs) then "You don't have a penis" I say no and he says, "i've gotta get me a yoni..." (he's sort of wandering around the bathroom in front of me) "at the store..." (starts walking out of the bathroom into the kitchen and then comes back) "gotta keep it in the bag" and he pantomimes like he's got a bag in his hands and takes something out of the pretend bag and goes to attach his new yoni, lol! I about died laughing!!

He told me he had to take his pants off to put it on but I told him (as I am trying not to fall off the toilet from laughing) that we were about to leave and he should keep his pants on. What a nut!!


----------



## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Ds, who is 4: "Dad, am I going to have a bath tonight?"
DH: "Not tonight."
DS: "Why?"
DH: "You had one last night and it's late"
DS: "Hmmmph, Well, it is good to get clean once in a while you know!"


----------



## monkeysmommy (Apr 3, 2003)

Dd, who is 4.5 was asking about our friends baby who is about 2 months old. DD: Is Rain 1? Me: no, honey, she's still 0. DD: Is she a newborn baby? Me: Yeah, I guess she's still kind of a newborn. DD: I'm an oldborn baby!


----------



## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rubelin* 
I got a good one today. I was in the bathroom and DS2 (29 mo) comes in and asks if I'm peeing and says "where's you're Yoni?? is it in there?" (I had on a long shirt that hung to my thighs) then "You don't have a penis" I say no and he says, "i've gotta get me a yoni..." (he's sort of wandering around the bathroom in front of me) "at the store..." (starts walking out of the bathroom into the kitchen and then comes back) "gotta keep it in the bag" and he pantomimes like he's got a bag in his hands and takes something out of the pretend bag and goes to attach his new yoni, lol! I about died laughing!!

He told me he had to take his pants off to put it on but I told him (as I am trying not to fall off the toilet from laughing) that we were about to leave and he should keep his pants on. What a nut!!

DD said something similar about a week ago. She said "mama when i grow up i will be a BIG BOY!" and i said "no, you will be a big girl."
DD said "nope mama. I will get a penis and put it on and be a BIG BOY!"


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Got another one!

DS's preschool didn't want them to wear costumes today since they dressed up on Friday for their schoolwide Halloween party. So last night, I asked DS to help me think of something he could dress up as, without actually wearing a costume.

He thinks for a second and then goes, "Probably a vegetarian."


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

This morning, dd wanted some more cereal. She's heard us spelling things when we don't want her to know what we're talking about a few times. So, instead of asking for more cereal, she said, "Can I have some more L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V?". I think she's figuring this out...


----------



## peilover010202 (Nov 1, 2005)

A few weeks ago, ds1 had a cold and I saw him rubbing his nose. I asked him if I could help him by getting a tissue and he said "no, it's just itchy and I NEED to spend the night with Aunt Sue!" and out he stomped. Now, mind you, that aunt Sue told him 3 nights before that he could spend the night another time. so funny his train of thought. I hadn't talked about spending the night with her since that conversation 3 days before.


----------



## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Since communication can also be non-verbal, I thought I'd share this totally darling incident.

My nineteen-month-old loves giving kisses -- to us, to her babies, to pictures of people and animals in books. She periodically pulls at her diaper to tell us she wants to sit on her little potty, and lately she's started wiping herself over and over (both before and after peeing) with little pieces of toilet paper.

This morning she started kissing the toilet paper before using it!


----------



## MrsTittlemouse (Apr 17, 2006)

OK this one embarrases ME too:
We were on a car trip last weekend. 6 yo DS says to DH and me "Do you guys know anyone that sleeps naked?" We both say, "No".
He says,"yes you do."
We say, "We do? who?"
"Auntie J and Uncle Jim."
OMG I don't know how, but I hid my laughter and got as much more info as I could. Nothing interesting. He woke them up a little earlier than they expected on our last visit, I guess!


----------



## Elyra (Aug 19, 2006)

We went shopping today for groceries and the store is in the same shopping center as Wal-mart. We pull in and Ds says "mosters aren't real, monsters aren't real." I told him that monsters aren't real and then asked him why he said that. He says "Because Frankenstien lives in Wal-mart."


----------



## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

Oh, what a treat! A long, funny thread I haven't read! Just what I need for comic relief- I've only read 3 pages so far but I am laughing so hard!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *uberwench* 
"Well first we need to go to the Poop aisle at Target, because we need poop for your butt. Your butt is out of poop and we have to get some more so that poop can come out of your butt"

I think we made Mr. Bank Guy's day









I laughed so much at this one I woke up my sleeping, nursing baby! He kept sitting up giggling along with me and I had the hardest time settling him down to sleep after that!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *P-chan* 
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
This isn't so much just what DD said, but an interaction:

Today my DH made pumpkin ravioli. When he served it to 3 y/o DD she asked him to cut it up for her so she could eat it more easily. As he did, some of the filling started squishing out.
"There's something else in there!" she said.
"Yes there is, that's pumpkin."
DD got the most horrified look on her face and said, "That's PUMPKIN!?"
DH said, "Yes it is" and then quickly realized that DD was talking about OUR CAT NAMED PUMPKIN!!! He immediately started going, "No! No! Not pumpkin! _PUMPKIN_! The other pumpkin!" Forgetting that DD has actually never eaten pumpkin before.

Oh, that is classic! I'm glad you didn't cook and serve her your cat!







I can only imagine her shock and confusion!


----------



## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

Ok, here is my contribution.

Like a lot of kids, my ds couln't say 's' at the beginning of words. For the longest time he used a 'p' sound instead. We were having soup for dinner, and he said 'touch dada's poop (soup)!' and we started laughing, and said, ok touch dada's soup if you want to. So he put his finger in it, and said 'finger in poop!' and it got better- then he said 'finger in dada's brown poop!'

A couple weeks ago we were making molasses cookies together. He likes to ask questions about the world to determine what is 'ok' to do and what isn't. Usually when we're cooking he'll ask 'can eat flour?' "can eat baking soda?" 'can lick spoon?' and so on to gauge my reaction to see if that's ok. So we have our dark brown molasses cookie dough all ready, and we have to roll it into balls then flatten them into cookie shapes, and he says "CAN LICK BLACK BALLS!"







We are still laughing at that one.


----------



## iluvbnamomma (Sep 3, 2004)

my ds (2.5 yrs) was in the bath the other night and said "Mom look at my butt" i replied "yeah thats your butt" he then said "i wanna see Mom's butt" so i turned around and he said "whoa momma's got BIG butt"







I told him that is not something mommas want to hear. So of coarse he has been repeating it day after day. ha ha


----------



## jillywilson (Nov 21, 2003)

Last night my 4yo told me a long story about how she has magic in her tummy and she can shoot it out of her belly button. "Also there is a hat in my tummy to keep the magic from falling out of my vagina."


----------



## mollyeilis (Mar 6, 2004)

I haven't read much of this thread, but *littleteapot*, your pumpkin story made me literally LOL, and I shouldn't b/c DH is trying to get DS to sleep!

The other day, DS and DH were doing their nighttime rituals, and for some reason DS (Eamon) started "seeing" monsters. Shocked expression on his face, looking around, pointing and saying "monster! monster!" DH (Robert) wasn't thinking, and put his hand on Eamon's back, while Eamon was facing the other way. Which *totally* scared poor Eamon.

He was shaking and put his hand out in the 'stop' gesture, and said "papa, no, papa, stop, papa no".

Then he put his finger in the air, and said "IDEA!!!" Then..."Tickle."

Robert tickled him, they giggled, and the monster scare was gone.


----------



## *Jessica* (Jun 10, 2004)

Nik was messing around with the vacuum cleaner, threatening to open it so the dirt would fall out. I, irritated and irrational, told him that if he didn't stop we were going to have to get his hair cut (which is something he hates more than anything else.) He told me, "Mom, that doesn't make good senses!"

He was right, it didn't make any sense!


----------



## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

:

you just made my day!


----------



## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

I was in the juice place w/my two daughters getting smoothies-a big, tall man walked in and my three year old looked up at him and said "YOU! Go AWAY!" and started laughing hysterically. At least he thought it was funny, too.







:


----------



## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

So, this weekend I served our four-year old a dish of pasta with brocoli. As soon as it was in front of her she repressed an expression of disgust and said instead "Mum, it's great, you have a lot of fantasy, but... can I just have some cheese before I eat the pasta?" and then she ran away with her cheese in her little room. I always say, she will grow up to be a diplomat one day.


----------



## solareyna (Oct 23, 2005)

ok, this is more sweet than funny but i had to put it in here. I picked ds up from his nap the other morning and he laid his head on my shoulder and said "mommy, my head doesn't fit in your shoulder anymore." It was just so cute and kinda sad...

I'm sure I'll think of more later after I pick my little muse up...


----------



## Mighty Jalapeno (Oct 27, 2006)

DS, four and a half... "Uh oh, Colby's getting pissed off!"

Thank you, son, for exposing your grasp of language. :*)


----------



## pinkmilk (Nov 27, 2005)

dd...2 1/2....the other day when asked to help pick up her toys, replies in all seriousness and a little bit of a whine "I CAN"T....I HAVE NO HANDS" ...and hides her fingers inside her hands!

And last week comes crying to me..."Momma....I have a headache in my tummy!"


----------



## Elyra (Aug 19, 2006)

Today after my three year old covered himself and the entire sofa in peanut butter







: :

Me (seeing the colossial mess for the first time): OH MY! What did you do?

Ds: "Be happy!" <proud little grin> "I taste good."


----------



## Lyricc (Mar 13, 2006)

I'm not a mama yet, but this was too funny to pass up.. I study the history of tattoos, and have a few myself. I have a beautiful picture of a tattooed lady from a 1920's sideshow on my computer. to show off her full body dragon tatto, the woman is naked, but she is composed to hide boobs and vagina.. My boyfriend's niece, Amanda is nine, and seeing this on my computer says "Oooooooh! you have a naked lady on your computer!!!!"(in that "you're getting in trouble" voice)
ME: Yeah, but see how pretty her tattoo is?
A: You have tattoos.
ME: yes, but this picture was from a long time ago when people didn't know anyone with tattoos.
A: A long long time ago? What, like the EIGHTIES?

Also, a few weeks ago, we went up to see her and her new sister, and to visit my boyfriends sister. we went out to dinner, and amanda rode with us, because we're way more fun than her parents (whole 'nother story there).. her dad drive's like a maniac, and as we're navigating sacramento traffic and trying to keep up with him cutting across all the lanes and such without signaling, her mom calls us on the cellphone to try and explain where we're going... and Amanda asks plainly, "is daddy trying to get us killed?"


----------



## Fiestabeth (Aug 4, 2006)

Reviving this thread because dd (23mos) totally cracked us up the other day. Dh and I had barely just woken up and were laying in bed. We hear this little voice from the side of the bed, "Da kitty pooped, Mommy."

Now, dd sometimes pretends that her dolls and stuffed animals poop, and we have to change their diapers. So I turn to look at her and realize she's not holding a stuffed kitty. I look at her suspiciously, "Are YOU the kitty?"

Her response: "Meow."


----------



## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

Conversation I just had with my 7 year old son yesterday:

Me:Alex, do you still think Hannah is pretty?

Alex: Yes and she is my girlfriend too.

Me: Well do you think you'll marry her someday?

Alex: No because when she grows up she wants to move to XXX and I want to move to XXX. (cities within 10 miles of each other)

Me: Well whats wrong with that? You could just pick one together and move there.

Alex: No! If I marry her she will just keep arguing about wanting to move to XXX like she wants to and I will have to go because the wife is always right and gets everything she wants!







So I'm just not going to marry her at all!

Me:


----------



## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fiestabeth* 
Reviving this thread because dd (23mos) totally cracked us up the other day. Dh and I had barely just woken up and were laying in bed. We hear this little voice from the side of the bed, "Da kitty pooped, Mommy."

Now, dd sometimes pretends that her dolls and stuffed animals poop, and we have to change their diapers. So I turn to look at her and realize she's not holding a stuffed kitty. I look at her suspiciously, "Are YOU the kitty?"

Her response: "Meow."











OH that is so cute!!


----------



## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fiddledebi* 
Here was our dinner conversation the other night:

DD2, age 1: YYYEEEEEEAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
DH: Hey, Little Shmoo. Come on, stop screaming. Pterodactyls are extinct!
DD1, age 4: Yeah, Shmoo! Pterodactyls STINK!!!

And then, in the bathroom:

DD1, age 4: Mommy, you have hair on your vulva.
Me: Yes, that happens to girls when they grow up and become women.
DD1: Will I get hair there?
Me: Yep.
DD1: Will it be brown like yours?
Me: Probably.
DD1: Is every woman's vulva hair brown?
Me: No, some women's vulva hair is blond, or red, or black.
DD1: Oooh, Mommy, I know...I want mine to be pink!

























Now that is cute!!


----------



## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cdmaze* 
My dd (2 and a half) is starting to pick up what we say too much (our fault- not hers).

She's started to say crap quite a bit. Like "ah mommy- theres crap in my bed", or "Mommy- my ponys has to crap now"

The funniest thing is my 5 yo son- he started putting his thumb in his mouth and then blowing hard to fill up his cheek, thus popping out his thumb. He was doing this so much, I was starting to worry it was a tick or something. I'd ask him why he was doing it and he'd sort of shrug.

Finally, I saw him doing it when dh was around- and I pointed it out. "See! He's doing it again!"

Dh shook his head and laughed a little. "Hey bud--- what are you doing?"

"Remember dad? Remember when I hit the tree when I was sledding?" Ds asked.

Well, DH burst out laughing. Last winter, ds was sledding down our hill and ran into a tree- hurting his groin pretty bad for the first time. Apparently Dh told him to blow on his thumb like this to "pop his nuts back out".

"Dad, " ds continues "I'm just poppin my nuts."

Great.


OMGGGGGGGGGGG


----------



## charmander (Dec 30, 2003)

I'm trying to cut down on my use of words like "G-d" and "Damn" in front of the kids. So, the other day I caught myself in mid-word and said "Gosshhhhh"

and DS (age 7) said:

"Mom, you sound like Napoleon Dynamite."


----------



## amygoforth (Jun 21, 2005)

These are great!

Our most recent funny moment. From DS1, age 3:

"I'm a policeman and I'm mad and I'm gonna put you in jail and my name is...

... STEPHANIE!"


----------



## solareyna (Oct 23, 2005)

This is always a classic but much funnier when your children say it.

Auntie: Carson, say Grace.

ds: Grace

















Ds who had something in his pants that was itching him: Mommy, one of the kids in school put hair in my butt

















DS - mommy when I am old enough to drive and you are three years old then I will drive and you will sit in my carseat.

And more sweet than funny while we are laying in bed:
DS - Mommy, we're best friends forever...


----------



## Piercedboy (Mar 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fiestabeth* 
Reviving this thread because dd (23mos) totally cracked us up the other day. Dh and I had barely just woken up and were laying in bed. We hear this little voice from the side of the bed, "Da kitty pooped, Mommy."

Now, dd sometimes pretends that her dolls and stuffed animals poop, and we have to change their diapers. So I turn to look at her and realize she's not holding a stuffed kitty. I look at her suspiciously, "Are YOU the kitty?"

Her response: "Meow."











Thats awesome!!!


----------



## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

DD looking at a clock:
ME: see the one going fast? That's the second hand?
DD pointing to another hand: .."and is that the 1st hand?


----------



## monkeysmommy (Apr 3, 2003)

Dd: What day is today?
Me: Thanksgiving
dd: No, what day of the week is it?
me: Thursday.
dd: Thursday?!!! D*MMIT!!!

and also today -
Dd, age 4.5 has been naked all day. I am really, really, wanting to go out to park, or to the backyard, or anywhere, and she just refuses to get dressed. A few minutes ago I thought I'd try again, and she said, "No, there's a butt show coming on PBS Kids."


----------



## Leiahs (Jul 29, 2005)

Yesterday, after DD (3 years old) walked in on Daddy going potty, she ran back and excitedly told me, "MOMMY!! Daddy wasn't sitting down on the potty, he was _standing up_ and he pulled his _pee pee_ out!"







:

I don't think she had ever seen DH stand to use the bathroom before (in memory, at least)...the whole thing had me just cracking up, the way she was so excited and incredulous about it!


----------

