# Day One! NO YELLING at all!



## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Any body up for this?

Let's be accountable.

I love the days when I handle everything with out even raising my voice once.

Sometimes I just slip though, and make that angry ugly face and YELL!

Whether it's "STOP THAT!", "COME TO THE TABLE!", "CLOSE THE GATE, SO THE BABY DOESN'T FALL DOWN THE STAIRS!".......... I lose it sometimes and then I feel like crap!

I figure we could start today (I know its random) and chime in with how we are doing.

Keep cool when there is a conflict and report to each other how we "almost" yelled, but diffused it calmly.

I will be celebrating (or not) with a chocolate bar on Saturday night.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Yay! No yelling yesterday.

No one else yells here - even once in a while?


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

PFFFFFFT.

Does a bear poop in the woods?

I just don't like to be judged, so I dont post here often.

Although I must say, I am super excited that I got through the entire morning all by myself without yelling ONCE!

I ususally post over in PG, but just didnt want you to feel alone, because you certainly are NOT!


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> PFFFFFFT.
> 
> ...


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The way I would get a day when I didn't yell would be if DH took DS1 all.day.long!

I'll give it a try, thought. It's hard to catch the attention of a spirited boy when you can't get up from the couch quickly (BFing)


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Not BFing, still yell.









Its called having TWO spirited boys, one who is more spritied then the other, and after telling them 14 times to stop fighting or called thier name 27 times and they STILL havent looked your way, SNAPPING. Hey, im human. And it gets their attention. Do I feel like a giant TOOLBOX afterwards? Almost immediately.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> Not BFing, still yell.
> 
> ...


This is me. Minus the older child.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I'm in! I did this once before, though not on a message board, and I think it was good for finding other ways to get their attention or to calm down. So... I have not done any angry yelling so far today, I shall keep it up!


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Perhaps we can call ourselves the "Not Always Gentle GD tribe". Is that an oxy moron?


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> Perhaps we can call ourselves the "Not Always Gentle GD tribe". Is that an oxy moron?


It's amusing and very true


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

I'm in! It's so hard, alright damn near impossible, not to yell when I've said ds1's name 4-5 times and he is completely off in la-la land. DS!!!!!!!!!! What mom? Grrrrrrrrrrrr


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

I'm in, but I think I've already failed today.

My dryer is broke and we need to buy a new one on Saturday. DD, who leaves her clothes all over the house anyway had no jeans. Now, she's supposed to pick her clothes out the night before so we don't have this problem but she changed her mind. I told her there were some pants left behind the couch but I couldn't wash any of her clothes because the dryer was broken.

Then she stated yelling that I could have put up a damn clothes line (this from an 8 yo, sadly typical). I explained to her that the dryer broke on Sunday and we were busy Monday night and both children were sick yesterday so there was really no time to put up a clothesline. And that the way she spoke to me was very rude. Then she continued that if we really wanted to, we could have. And I lost it and told her when she grew up she could run her house anyway she wanted.

She's very much explosive-inflexible, but I know I'm not helping the matter.

I'll have to try for no MORE yelling today.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AFWife*
> 
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
> 
> ...


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> Not BFing, still yell.
> 
> ...


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> PFFFFFFT.
> 
> ...


I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).

I'm breastfeeding too and I can't whisper down the hall if I need them to hear me.

I'm talking about the type of yelling with the mean face and angry eyebrows.







Scolding, reprimanding loudly, getting angry instead of keeping cool.

This morning DD kicked DS' backpack while they were waiting for the bus. He was upset. I wanted to yell at her, but what good would that do?

Most of the time I do handle things calmly, but every once in a while I wig.

I am not even against all yelling. I think there is a time and a place (when someone does something absolutely atrocious), to let it out and be MAD!

I just think it contributes to hostility in the day to day aggravating kid stuff and I want to really stop slipping into it.

It takes my kids by surprise when I yell. My problem is I do it from pent up frustration and some straw (obnoxious behavior) will just break my back and it's kind of random.

No one is perfect and I sure as heck am FAR from it, but with practice, I'm getting a lot better at life.

I can go days and be "on the ball" and a great mom and then one day I just lose the ability to cope well with all the noise and kid stuff and POW! I'm carrying on like a real brat!

Not a good example.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).
> 
> ...


I was talking about that kind of yelling too....

It's funny because I wrote a blog on it once (I can never remember when it's okay to share links)


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AFWife*
> 
> It's amusing and very true


Dang. Where'd Charlie'sAngel post go? My quote button isn't working very well. Oh well, I like the the "Not always gentle GD tribe" idea.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ellien C*
> 
> I'm in, but I think I've already failed today.
> 
> ...


I failed today too. Mad yelling too, not just trying to get his attention. The whining is driving me positively INSANE. And then he wants a banana, but he only wants to PLAY with the banana, and not EAT the banana. Well, I don't let him play with his food b/c it drives me crazy and its horribly wasteful, which we don't have the money for right now. I know he's only 2, but we still can't waste 3 banana's a day!


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## Mittsy (Dec 29, 2009)

I'm in, but have already flunked out today. Normally I don't yell much, but it's really hard to keep my cool when dd(almost 6) yells over EVERY. LITTLE. UPSET. I've tried almost everything I can think of with this child, I try to be accepting because I know she has special needs, we're in the process of getting her dx for SPD(mild-moderate), and either HFA/AS, most days I can handle the yelling(it's not constant) but today I really lost it and yelled right back.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ellien C*
> 
> I'm in, but I think I've already failed today.
> 
> ...


I have an incredibly inflexible volatile DD too (who will be 8 this month)

Too bad we can't get them together for a playdate! haha

I've told me DD that she can run her house the way she wants to also. She has all kinds of oponions and insults about things and is very LOUD.

She tells me that she's never moving out though, because she never wants to be away from me.

She is my number one reason for losing it and she's NEVER leaving .









Technically I can't blame her for my behavior- but WOW, she is my true test on earth.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh,

Wait, theres a difference? lol

I am guilty for all the same crimes, so fear not, sister. We will forage this battle together!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).
> 
> ...


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## BlueMonday (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).
> 
> ...


truly appreciate your candor, mama! i was stopping by to express similar sentiment...

my mom never cussed, when she wanted to yell she'd be really quiet or just retreat from me. same effect, i think.

i have an open door policy with yelling at and even cussing around my kids. frankly, it gets their attention. it relieves my tension and keeps me from feeling/acting mean. it brings the spotlight to the issue at hand and really makes my stubborn 3yo daughter focus on things through my repetition and vehemence, like putting on her shoes or cleaning up her messes.

most importantly, i want my kids to know that they in no way have a paragon for a mother. i'm going to get mad and i have a right to express it, just like they do. i don't yell to scare or hurt them but i'm a person in this family with feelings also and the sooner i get my needs met the sooner i can meet theirs. i've explored GD from all ends with major successes and failures and honestly i think yelling is a healthy expression of anger and enables me to truly keep my temper checked and be the gentle mother i really am.

i'm reminded of a dear friend growing up. i was rather horrified as a child to watch her mother (a high school teacher) yell and reprimand at will. in retrospect and considering the permanent respective effects on my friend's and my senses of self, her mom was a true, loving, guiding hand.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *brooklynbabymama*
> 
> truly appreciate your candor, mama! i was stopping by to express similar sentiment...
> 
> ...


I'm liking this train of thought. I really don't like yelling, but I do it sometimes. I'm just not good at staying calm. I've even spanked a few times in the last 2 days b/c I'm losing my mind with my highly spirited 2yo who just.will.not.listen.at.all.to.anything.I.say. AAAAHHHHHHHH. Thank god this only lasts a few weeks till I start work, but I'm home right now and I need some methods of calming myself down so that I don't scream at him constantly, or spank anymore. I REALLY need to stop that.







(please PLEASE no flames - I'm NOT a good SAHM and I need to start working so that I'm not one anymore)

Can you elaborate more on the last sentence? What is the difference between your sense of self and your friends? I'm honestly curious, my parents yelled, and my brothers and I seem to have turned into good independant, hard working adults, but not I'm rambling and don't know where I'm going. I just had that question. Thanks!


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Beautifuly put.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *brooklynbabymama*
> 
> most importantly, i want my kids to know that they in no way have a paragon for a mother. i'm going to get mad and i have a right to express it, just like they do. i don't yell to scare or hurt them but i'm a person in this family with feelings also and the sooner i get my needs met the sooner i can meet theirs. i've explored GD from all ends with major successes and failures and honestly i think yelling is a healthy expression of anger and enables me to truly keep my temper checked and be the gentle mother i really am.
> 
> i'm reminded of a dear friend growing up. i was rather horrified as a child to watch her mother (a high school teacher) yell and reprimand at will. in retrospect and considering the permanent respective effects on my friend's and my senses of self, her mom was a true, loving, guiding hand.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Hi mamas, can I join the club?

My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is). I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something. Last night was not great dealing with my 6yo. Anyway, I'm here to turn over a new leaf. I feel like sometimes I get into the habit of yelling, it's too easy to fall into anger over little things when I could just take a moment and a few deep breaths to bring my emotions down a notch, yk. So, starting today I will post to this thread and try to do better!


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Failed today. He was yanking on my hair from behind the chair while I was on the phone.


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## BlueMonday (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Super~Single~Mama*
> 
> I'm liking this train of thought. I really don't like yelling, but I do it sometimes. I'm just not good at staying calm. I've even spanked a few times in the last 2 days b/c I'm losing my mind with my highly spirited 2yo who just.will.not.listen.at.all.to.anything.I.say. AAAAHHHHHHHH. Thank god this only lasts a few weeks till I start work, but I'm home right now and I need some methods of calming myself down so that I don't scream at him constantly, or spank anymore. I REALLY need to stop that.
> 
> ...


in the same sentiment of no flames please, when i get to that breaking point with them i just do something decadent and naughty for myself... have some chocolate, pour a drink, or more awesomely do a yoga class. the whole mother's little helper thing, kwim  once i can flip my own off switch i can go back to them with renewed patience or actually enjoy them. even going outside works wonders. 2 was the hardest age in that respect with my daughter. now she communicates much better and my son is completely sunny and responds so well to the happiest toddler techniques of mirroring emotions, validating and when all else fails, his pacifier and a back carry.

i quit high school after junior year and left home for an early acceptance to college which was all a big means to get out of my mom's house and culminated in an abusive marriage from 18-25, nomadic living, total isolation from most and at times all of my family until i popped back up, divorced, and made the big effort to rejoin society and start my real life.

versus my friend who worked her way up from unremarkable to third in her high school class, went off to college and brought along wonderfully high standards for the people in her life. never settled for a sub-par job, friend or man. all her mom's browbeating amounted to a tremendous amount of faith in the person she could be. now she too is a teacher and handles life sensibly, sets and accomplishes goals, lives thrifty and moderate.

loaded question, rambling answer, hth at all!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> Beautifuly put.


thanks, mama! keeping your sanity with two as close as yours is noble work, hats off


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Awwww, thanks!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *brooklynbabymama*
> 
> thanks, mama! keeping your sanity with two as close as yours is noble work, hats off


I joke with my GF who has 1 year old twin girls, that I honestly wonder which is harder, twins, or irish twins. LOL!


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## Fuzzy Bee (Aug 10, 2009)

Double post.


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## Fuzzy Bee (Aug 10, 2009)

I started my Day One to NO YELLING, too! Well, I am on day 7.

If you would like to know how I did it, this is how:

My daughter is not yet two. When I yelled at her, she would either look scared, cry, yell back or run away. She was born with the ability to communicate her boundaries. She was saying to me, you are making me feel unsafe. These were provided to her by her primitive brain. If I did not stop at once, I was only teaching her that her boundaries were not to be respected or listened to.

It is my job to protect my daughter and if she must protect herself from me, the intruder is already here inside the house with her.

Yelling is a way of communicating that I am unpredictable.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Dang it - I already slipped up! I yelled earlier to get dd's attention. At least it wasn't angry yelling.

Ok, reset. Let's try this again...


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## BlueMonday (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Fuzzy Bee*
> 
> I started my Day One to NO YELLING, too! Well, I am on day 7.
> 
> ...


Good point. I definitely check myself too when my daughter starts to react nervously. If she gets sad she gets a hug and apology. The boy is never fazed, but he's also generally good at minding me after a few calm rounds of "no, Jack".

I think my job is to raise people who can keep their head while all about them... so I don't mind giving them some crazy for practice


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## Fuzzy Bee (Aug 10, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *brooklynbabymama*
> 
> Good point. I definitely check myself too when my daughter starts to react nervously. If she gets sad she gets a hug and apology. The boy is never fazed, but he's also generally good at minding me after a few calm rounds of "no, Jack".
> 
> I think my job is to raise people who can keep their head while all about them... so I don't mind giving them some crazy for practice


Ha! Ha! Crazy for practice! Love it!

Of course, I agree with you. Our children need practice with less than perfect parents. I wrote that post for those parents who don't stop at the boundaries. For all others who do recognize the signs, say to yourself, there is always a next time to do it better.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *pianojazzgirl*
> 
> Hi mamas, can I join the club?
> 
> My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is). I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something. Last night was not great dealing with my 6yo. Anyway, I'm here to turn over a new leaf. I feel like sometimes I get into the habit of yelling, it's too easy to fall into anger over little things when I could just take a moment and a few deep breaths to bring my emotions down a notch, yk. So, starting today I will post to this thread and try to do better!


This is definitely my worst time of day too. The few breaths really works!

It's kind of funny though. When my DS was 4 he would do something naughty and then say "mom, time to your deep breaths now".


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> It's kind of funny though. When my DS was 4 he would do something naughty and then say "mom, time to your deep breaths now".


Lol!


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## Shannie77 (Jan 16, 2007)

Can I join? I don't believe we should never yell as parents... but I am wanting to get rid of all unnecessary yelling. My DD1 is almost 4 and I have a 9 month old DD2. I have a lot of stress in my life and DD1 has some sensory issues which lead her to have huge meltdowns at times. I always feel so much better if I come out of a stressful situation and have maintained my cool.

So far today has been good. I also have a new strategy for DD1s middle of the night tantrums... call for DH to come an take her. That has really helped with any nighttime nastiness on my end. Also I have been trying to mentally prepare for the worst in each situation so that I am prepared. For example when getting DD1 into the car I need to be prepared that she might meltdown because of how her clothes feel, or freak out because her boots are bugging her etc. When I am prepared for this kind of thing I handle it much better.


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## reezley (May 27, 2006)

Good timing on this thread! I have lately been trying not to yell and generally doing much better than I used to.

Right now I'm getting over a cold and a couple days ago I lost my voice, it hurt to talk. I've been hoarse for a few days now and it's made me not yell! My guys are 4 and 6 and they definitely have me doing the repeat-their-names-20-times-before-listening etc. But now instead of yelling the name louder and louder I've had to get down, touch them, look right at them and whisper what I'm trying to say. And it's definitely at least as effective as the yelling.  Maybe not a magic answer, but it's no worse, keeps me calmer and it's more pleasant for them I'm sure.


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## mom.of.two (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm joining in! My once very sweet, innocent 4yo DD has just been pushing me way beyond my limits lately. The more I yell the more she yells. So it gets us nowhere. Some days I can be patient and handle her attitude just fine. Other days I just take everything so personally. And the most frustrating part... I know she is acting JUST like me when I was 4!


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## Mittsy (Dec 29, 2009)

I made it today, no yelling at the kids or dh, can't say the same for the dog though.... I raised my voice when telling her to "go away and stop sniffing my butt!" once or twice today.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Man, today was TERRIBLE!! I was very rough with my 5yo when I asked him to get dressed for the millionth time and he's running around like a crazy man. And I was just very short-tempered and irritable today. I'm wondering if it doesn't have something to do with my cycle...hmmm....off to check that out.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I did some yelling today, although frankly not too bad all considered. It seemed to be the day of obnoxious comments by strangers though. I tell DS to stop screaming (he decided he wanted a different high chair, after we'd lugged one all the way across the restaurant and I was not going back for another) and that I won't listen to his complaint until he stops. Lady at the next table huffily says "He can't eat that, she's telling him to eat it and it's toooo hoooot! You can seeeeee the steeeeeam coming off it!" Sigh. He's not screaming about the hot pasta, he's screaming about the high chair. We had a dalliance into screaming that he wanted more cheese on it, but he's gone back to screaming about the chair. He hasn't GOTTEN to screaming about the pasta yet lady. By the time he does, it'll be stone cold. Just sayin. I did calm him down, although we had to make a diversion into the bathroom first.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

I REALLY wanted to yell yesterday. I felt the steam rising and the stress getting the better of me. I started to talk a little louder than normal and I could feel myself making such and ugly mad face. I stopped though and I'm so glad I did.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *brooklynbabymama*
> 
> .
> 
> ...


Brooklyn mama,

I just want you to know that I understand what you are saying and don't see anything wrong with it for a lot of familes.

For me, when I react to the angry feeling I start to get, I feel shaky, upset, hot, fast heartbeat.............. it's just a TERRIBLE feeling. I also get VERY upset from other's yelling or looking aggressively. I find that when I stop and calm myself it avoids this escalation of physical crap that I can choose to go through or bypass.

In bypassing it, I don't mean bottling up (I don't think). I think I am able to process what really is going on and figure out if it's worthy of such a dramatic reaction.

Most of the time, no.

I do believe though, as mammal mamas, there ARE times for growling, but they are rare.

I am pretty good at recongnizing whats happening and have control over it, but every once in a while I BLOW and it's usually over chaos and kids acting crazy while I'm trying to do something important.

I know plenty of families that all yell at each other and it all blows right over. I really don't judge them- I know they love each other as much as we do- just think they are really loud! For us, we are all pretty sensitive (except DH- he doesnt think yelling is upsetting). In our family, nothing "blows over". The kids and I get very upset. I need them to follow my lead, to prevent them from yelling and screaming about everything too. I will lose my mind if this house if full of yelling people.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Ive made it three, count them, THREE MORNINGS IN A ROW now, getting the kids up, ready, and out the door, alllllll by myself, with absoultly, posativly NO YELLING. AND im pmsing. not sure how im pulling it off. Other then trying to stay in the right mindset as Im trudging forward. Im also trying to stay posative BEFORE i go in to handle a task (ie. picking them up from school or getting the little guy out of bed, these are all major productions because matthew doesnt want to do anything I say) Its like my posative vibes litterally filter down to them. amazing! lol

Now, evenings are a little more hectic, but I didnt do to bad. Wed is my class night, so I have to get them home, fed, cleaned up, and get out the door all in about an hour in a half. Doing that with matthew hanging off my rear end can get a bit frustrating.

I did get through bath night without raising my voice in anger ONCE. Sure, I had to raise it so they could HEAR ME OVER ALL THE SPLASHING, SCREAMING, AND FIGHTING. lol

For my efforts, my 2 yo has begun telling me "mama, I wuboo semuch!" without any warning or prompting. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> Ive made it three, count them, THREE MORNINGS IN A ROW now, getting the kids up, ready, and out the door, alllllll by myself, with absoultly, posativly NO YELLING. AND im pmsing. not sure how im pulling it off. Other then trying to stay in the right mindset as Im trudging forward. Im also trying to stay posative BEFORE i go in to handle a task (ie. picking them up from school or getting the little guy out of bed, these are all major productions because matthew doesnt want to do anything I say) Its like my posative vibes litterally filter down to them. amazing! lol
> 
> ...


Yay! Day three!


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## BlueMonday (Aug 16, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> Brooklyn mama,
> 
> ...


was it dr. karp who advocated literally growling at your toddler to express disapproval or boundaries? "mammal mamas" made me smile  i definitely have a lot of mama bear in me!

point taken and thanks for clarifying between angry yelling and the more vehement communication i'm expressing. i'm sure it's a family-specific thing. it follows that i don't scare my kids when i yell because i'm not yelling to scare or wound them. interesting. and i thought they were just desensitized.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

Mind if I join a little late?

I've been trying to work on this, maybe being accountable here will help me. I've been also reading the Time Out for Parents book about dealing with anger. It's led to a few insights, but hasn't really helped me change. I finally realized that my problem isn't my anger, my problem is feeling burned out and exhausted all the time! Having no time to myself to recharge! I used to be an incredibly patient person, and now I feel like most of my reserves are used up just trying to make it through the day doign all the things I have to do.

I already snapped at DD2 this morning, I was cooking them a neverending breakfast--they kept asking for more and I spent 45 mins at the stove! They get impatient and all 3 start shouting and whining for more food. I keep telling them "I'm cooking it right now!" Then they start banging their silverware on the table. I tell them to stop. DD2 keeps doing it. I can't keep going in there because I'm trying to cook the #%@! food. Finally I just snapped and yelled at her not to bang anymore! I felt horrible, here it's not even 9am and I'm already shouting and upset. Not a good way to start the day.
Quote:


> Originally Posted by *pianojazzgirl*
> 
> My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is). I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something.


This is me, too. For awhile we had a routine, we eat dinner, the kids pick up some toys, stop listening, mommy gets frustrated and yells, everyone cries, we get pjs on and go to bed. Lovely memories I'm creating.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

Another MAJOR yeller here. And it needs to stop. ALL of my kids are a bunch of very loud little people, and there are 3 who are verbal. The baby is still tiny and SO sweet--literally NEVER cries. He whimpers, I feed or change or whatever, he stops. I mean literally I can count probably the number of times he has full-out CRIED in his life.

I know the other ones are loud because *I* yell. And yet *I* yell because they're so freakin loud. Quite the cycle I've created.

The thing that got me to notice it though was to start taking control---I spent literally years sitting on my behind nursing somebody with the REMOTE right next to me....and SOMEHOW it never occured to me that I could *turn the TV off* instead of yelling at the kids.

So quite literally, I took (the) control and got their attention.

Now....if I could get through a morning without *losing it* with my 2 year old, I'd be set. (he's discovered that the great key to the mysteries of the world lies in his ablity to use stools and chairs and climbing...)

my other *favorite*  times of day include 3:30 PM--when DS1 comes home from school--they ALL start fighting literally within 5 minutes, and within 10 I'm screaming too.

And bedtime, when I have to do it rather than taking the baby and letting DH handle the big ones. It's not the bath and all that, it's the actual part where they are supposed to get in bed and go to sleep.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

Check in time! How is everyone doing?

I'm on day 4, and I already feel better. DH made the comment to me last night that he noticed I've been in a much better mood lately. I think when I start yelling it is easy to keep doing it, which only means I'm venting at the kids. I've been trying to get a little exercise too, and asked DH to take over with the kids for awhile yesterday so I could have some time to myself.

And because I always get so frustrated when my 4 yo doesn't listen, I made an agreement with her. I said that I want to stop yelling so much, but that I need her help. So now when she's not listening and I feel the frustration rising and I want to yell, I take a deep breath and say "I need your help, I don't want to yell at you. I need you to listen." She has been really responsive to that, and does in fact turn around and listen to me. She doesn't want Angry Mommy to come out either.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Welp- I didn't get my chocolate bar on Saturday night. I made a really ugly UGLY face at DS and kind of talked through my teeth. Yuck- a snarling mom.

I was trying to get the baby down for a desperately needed nap and my back was killing me. He wouldn't stop yelling.

I forgave myself though, because I've been doing very well despite the challenges of being alone with 3 kids from wake up to bed time.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

I hear every word of this mama.

I failed last night. My three year old was in rare form. They are both usually off the wall, but from the time I picked them up yesterday, everything was falling on deaf ears. Not to mention they kept beating eachother up WHILE im trying to do something for myself, You know, like LAUNDRY, or COOKING DINNER FOR THEM, or pick up THEIR TOYS. ugh. And of course my husband called to see if I was ok with him Subbing for some one last night. Um, would it matter if I said NO? Prolly not. OH, and my 3 year old has discovered the art of talking back. YAY!

Im in a rut in my marriage right now, and its got that trickling effect going on. My kids being tazmanian devels does NOT HELP. They were both in time outs on more then one occassion last night, complete with me making "the face", and telling them to get in there through gritted teeth. Yup, snarling mom here too. I hate it. But I made sure, once we were all cleaned up and ready for bed, to tell them both how sorry i was, that mommy always loves them, even when shes mad.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> Welp- I didn't get my chocolate bar on Saturday night. I made a really ugly UGLY face at DS and kind of talked through my teeth. Yuck- a snarling mom.
> 
> ...


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## Mittsy (Dec 29, 2009)

I was doing great, until yesterday when we had to run errands and after the kids wanted to get ice cream and I agreed, well ice cream shop was closed and meltdowns ensued... first ds(4) but I managed to calm him down after a few mins, then dd(almost 6) started in about how she wanted food and to see her friends, I tried nvc but she was too far gone, we obviously were heading to the car at this point and she stopped and said she wanted to be carried, ok fine but then she starts kicking me and I explain how that hurts me and I can't hold onto her safely while she does that and it just continues...so I put her down and the meltdown increases in intensity, we finally get to the car and then it's mama's turn to meltdown. So we devoted the rest of the day afterwards to cuddles, stories, lots of apologies, and some tv.

I'm starting again today, wish me luck!


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## MrsH (Sep 5, 2009)

Could I join in with this? I hadn't checked the board in a while so didn't see this thread, but it's just what I'm needing. I'm currently reading Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids, which is really helpful. I just forget, in the moment, to use any of it and forget that my kids are little people too. It's awful. My kids are also all going through some new stages so I'm constantly finding myself at a complete loss as to what to do. Today it was my DS and DD2 (5 and 22m) fighting over his backpack. And I mean she was hanging on so tightly that as he pulled it, he dragged her over the floor and she still held on. Tenacious one! They were both screaming and crying in the school hallway and I was just at a loss as to what to do. Didn't yell, but definitely felt the anger as I pried fingers loose. Yuck.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

Still here, hanging on. The last few days have been challenging, the kids and I are sick. It's so hard to stay calm when you're sick, tired, or hungry.

I've found that I'm starting to get better at catching myself. Sometimes I can stop myself from yelling before I start (I can feel the anger rising) and other times I just flash out and raise my voice. I'm trying to be more aware of that, and when I hear my voice start getting loud, I pull it back down. It's been good, because it gets the kids' attention without turning into a screamfest. It does make me feel bad though that I react by yelling so immediately. I'm hoping over time that won't happen as much.


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## MrsH (Sep 5, 2009)

I was just sick too, and yesterday was a rough day! The kids are so tired of mommy being sick (I had pneumonia and then on my 2nd day of really feeling well from that got a stomach bug!). So I kept thinking "what can we do? Where can we go to get them out of this house and into a better-feeling place?" So I talked with them about going to ride the trains, they were super excited, but then couldn't get their act together to get out of the house. Which felt so frustrating to me and I did yell a few times. In looking back, I'm realizing that those are really the moments I get the most angry: when I've spent a significant amount of thought (and worry!) trying to come up with a plan to help them cope, to help them feel better, and then they make the plan so difficult! But of course those are also teh times that they are functioning at their lower end of their spectrum so it makes perfect sense. Maybe next time I can prepare myself better for that so it doesn't end up being a yell fest. How are others doing? I've really enjoyed reading this thread so far.


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## MrsH (Sep 5, 2009)

How's everybody doing? I'm realizing that I can not yell for a little while (like a few days, max), but then my frustrations build up and I yell. The solution must be to somehow find other outlets for the frustrations, but I don't think I know how to do that yet! For example, today after church I asked DS to bring his jacket in from the car to the house. Actually, his jacket was there and also a vest that he'd left in the car the day before, so I asked him which one he'd like to bring in. He refused. I didn't yell but left both jackets in the driveway and walked away, not the most mature response though perhaps better than screaming at him? He ended up screaming in the driveway so DH went to go get him, and then CARRIED BOTH JACKETS INSIDE! I see where he's coming from I guess, but really... it's a jacket! I don't want to have my arms completely full with everybody else's stuff all the time, I already carry enough around.

So anyway, the big picture of that is that refusal to play his part, and so now I'm left with the frustration of that. The moment wasn't resolved, and while I didn't yell, I feel a bit desperate about the lack of responsiveness. Anyone have ideas?


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## gingerandpickles (Jun 26, 2004)

Great idea!


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> Welp- I didn't get my chocolate bar on Saturday night. I made a really ugly UGLY face at DS and kind of talked through my teeth. Yuck- a snarling mom.
> 
> ...


I got my chocolate bar!! Yay- now I can be a good and chubby mom- by rewarding myself with sweets- ah heck, I deserve it.









Anyway, things have been great around here. My challenging DD has been very even keeled this week and it's been like a vacation.

DS and the baby are their regular to take care of selves (which means Pieces of cake when comparing them to their older sis.)

I can't say I get much credit for keeping my cool this week because there hasn't been much to struggle with.

I'm sure I'll be put to the test very soon now though, since I typed all this out.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

MrsH - You know, I probably would have left the jackets in the driveway, too! It's a natural consequence: if you don't bring in your jackets, they are left outside. I'd have been really angry at DH for going to get them, too, that is completely undermining you. Not the kind of support you need when you're that mad. When you're at that point, DH should step in to take over what you were doing, not let DC off the hook. IMHO anyway. It just sets you up for being in that same situation again. I think you're right on about finding an outlet. It's just so hard to do that when you're sick, you can't do exercise or get out of the house easily, so it just all builds up.

mom2happy - yay for the chocolate bar! And yes you deserve a treat now and then! You earn it.

We've been doing ok overall, but I've definitely shouted a few times in the last few days. I got sick yet again with a bad cold so I'm having trouble sleeping which is not helping me.

I think my biggest trigger is when the kids don't listen. Here's an example: I'll be cleaning and tell DD to pick up her shoes in the living room. 5 minutes later they're still there and I tell her to pick them up. 2 minutes later I come back and tell her again. 5 minutes later I'm in there with the vacuum and the darn shoes are still sitting there! AGH! Multiply that by 3, because I'm also after DS to pick up his cars and DD2 to pick up her clothes at the same time. So in 15 minutes I can easily give 15 instructions that are equally ignored...until I start raising my voice.

I have to wonder if the kids tune me out until I raise my voice.


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## MrsH (Sep 5, 2009)

Today went pretty well. No yelling! As a quick clarification on the coat issue, I don't think DH had fully realized what had transpired that led to the coats being in the driveway in the first place ;-)

DS and I had a little chat about when I count to 3 he really does need to do what I say, and otherwise it really will be a time-out. I try not to use this strategy often, but when he's just flat-out ignoring me and I've tried every other tack (including: "you're ignoring me. I'm wondering if that means that you don't want to do what I'm asking. Maybe we can find a solution together.") counting really does work effectively and gets through some of those really inane power struggles. Our counting though had started to look something like: "one. two. Ok, remember what happens if I get to three? Two. Th... rrrrrrrrrrrrr... ok, you said fine, so now I need to see your body doing it too. Th.... rrrrrrrr....ok, great, here you are, let's get these shoes on now!" In other words, totally ineffective. So we chatted, I only counted once or twice today and was very matter of fact about it.

We also had a nice family meeting talking about what we want our family to be like, what makes each of us proud and happy to be part of this family. The kids had really insightful responses and I'm glad we asked. We decided to save the start of the "how do we get there" conversation for next week's meeting!


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## bellababy4us09 (Jan 28, 2011)

Hi all. Here is my experience. There was once I day I yelled and accidentally saw myself in a mirror across the room. It stopped me in my tracks as I looked ugly, mean, and unloving. I thought, this is what she SEES. From that day on, no matter how hard a day...and there have been a few I tell ya, I take a breath, evaluate the importance of whatever it is ( getting ready to go out, cleaning up, discipline, etc. ) and then calmly go about the situation. The only time I raise my voice now is when it I need to intervene a dangerous situation. I figure if I yell, it will only teach her that that is the way of communicating and since kids inevitably copy their parents, she will yell and in the end stop listening all together. My goal - I always want her to listen to me and to be a good listener herself. It certainly is not easy, but that picture of myself is cemented in my mind for good. Good luck mamas.


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## eblindauer (Mar 20, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom2happy*
> 
> Yay! No yelling yesterday.
> 
> No one else yells here - even once in a while?


omg i will honestly say im a yeller! i have like 0 patients for my over active boys! i dont feel im a bad parent for yelling, i would rather yell than spank any day! i do know i need to work on the yelling, for my kids do it too and its annoying lmao! but my kids seem to not listen to me at ALL. i wish i had the daddy effect, he just walks in and if they are doing something naughty they stop and run a way. and he does not spank or anything either they just know hes serious and think im not. so im willing to join you on this mission to find other ways of discipline, there is nothing wrong with a parent admitting their mistakes, and its probably easier over the Internet for your not going to be judged as much for people dont know you. and im the type that dont care what pplz think. so i look forward to trying this!

what have you done so far?

what seems to work or dont work for you?


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## MrsH (Sep 5, 2009)

I think I'm doing a mediocre job at this, but getting an A for effort ;-) My older two are both in an extremely rough patch which is definitely complicating the not yelling. Though I'm also beginning to really see the ways in which yelling at them perpetuates the trauma they experienced when they were young, especially DS tends to go straight into fight or flight mode (usually fight, though sometimes he'll just run away yelling "STOOOOOOPPP!!!!!!"). Anyway, DH and I came up with a list of things we'd like to change about how our family operates. Of course we don't want to do it all at once... here are our thoughts so far:


I'm back to being able to use a bit of the 1-2-3 Magic at moments that all else fails. For a while I was being too soft on it, resulting in DS absolutely ignoring me. Now that we're back to actually just counting and otherwise he has a time-out, it really helps me to stay calm to know that if I really need a kid to do something without arguing, I can count and they will do it. We frequently talk about it afterwards, about why it was so important, why I chose to count, etc. It's especially helpful with DS as it keeps him out of the stress zone. 
This morning I had a chat with DD1 about her latest attitude. Most of her conversations these days involve lots of eye-rolling, rude tone of voice, and acting like others are incredibly dumb. I talked with her about the ways that that is contrary to the way our family wants to be (her own words during last week's meeting were to be "kind, friendly, and respectful"). From now on, anytime she speaks in that way we'll ask her to watch her tone (more neutral than "cut the attitude!"). I'm hoping that by not expending all that emotional energy on her when she acts rudely will free up some energy to spend with her in a positive way.
Tonight we're talking with the kids about some ways to reduce the toy clutter. We'll propose a plan (that I'll rotate the toys that are currently out with stuff that's in storage in the basement, and that in the process we'll maek sure everything has a neat place on the shelf). Basically they won't need to do anything if they don't want to, but can definitely be a part of selecting toys etc. I think it'll help me feel like we're either able to work together on something, or else to get some control back in a healthy way. I don't expect them to protest it as it's basically stuff we already do, but I'm not sure whether they'll just say "fine, whatever" or "I want to be part of it too." Either works for me!

We have a few more ideas. One major one that we hope to start implementing sometime next week (after the toy clutter stops driving me nuts!) is to help them start making amends or repairs to one another when they hurt each other. There's been a lot of hitting and kicking between the older two lately, and our family therapist suggested that this could be a good way to help them actually restore their relationship a little bit instead of just saying "sorry" and then having all those negative feelings still there. I'm a little apprehensive of actually enforcing it, but do think that in theory it'll be amazing.

All that too say, I'm still yelling and still working on it. I am getting a little better and I think that these plans that are meant to bring a more basic, underlying level of calm to the house will help. They are also things that I can have a little control over, and often I yell when I feel utterly out of control, so it might help from that angle as well.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

Oh mamas, I need some sympathetic ears! I'm having a hard day. I'm taking a moment away from the kids before I lose my temper yet again this evening. For the most part I've been doing so well, really keeping my tone modulated when I get upset, taking a few breaths before reacting, things like that. Today I am tired, still getting over being sick, and have been with the kids for 12 hours and counting. Dh has been working long hours lately, so I'm with the kids all day every day, 6 days a week, no breaks. Even when DH gets home, I don't get a break.

How do you stop yourself from yelling when you don't get a break? If you're just really burnt out and honesty can't carve out any time for yourself in the day? I'm sitting here typing this while 2 of my kids are screaming at each other behind me, and I just have to tune it out so I can even write this. It's so hard to find any patience when I'm so worn down. (OK full disclosure--just stopped 1/2 through that sentence and got in a conversation with one of them that turned into yelling--great.)

Anyway, I'd just love to hear some other people's strategies when they are in this kind of situation. On your own, no help, burnt out, and the kids are on your very last nerve! Thanks.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Spring Lily*
> 
> Oh mamas, I need some sympathetic ears! I'm having a hard day. I'm taking a moment away from the kids before I lose my temper yet again this evening. For the most part I've been doing so well, really keeping my tone modulated when I get upset, taking a few breaths before reacting, things like that. Today I am tired, still getting over being sick, and have been with the kids for 12 hours and counting. Dh has been working long hours lately, so I'm with the kids all day every day, 6 days a week, no breaks. Even when DH gets home, I don't get a break.
> 
> ...


I am alone with 3 kids almost all the time too. It can get really hard sometimes.

I try to stay aware that my mind can go into disarray when I'm stressed from the kids.

If I need to yell or talk in an emotional voice, I usually start out by saying, "I am SO TIRED! I'm having a HARD time right now. I'm trying to get my patience back, so I need a few minutes to feel ok again. Please just give me some time and then I can ...help you.......give you this.......hear what each of you have to say....... do this for you............"

I am not a robot and to act like a robot or June Cleaver is not reality. Sometimes you HAVE to show emotion.

Looking aggressive and yelling threats is awful, but being human and saying how you feel in a stern serious voice is okay imo.

I find that speaking my mind and stating what my problem is will teach them to understand their own emotions and to speak up in the right way for themselves.


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

But just so ya know......

I am still losing it every once in a while.

The kids fighting and bickering makes me snappy.

Ignoring it doesnt work. Sometimes if I scream "Just stop-- Just STOP IT!" They stop.

It drives me crazy! Then they will be quiet for a little while and I feel like a monster.


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## MrsH (Sep 5, 2009)

Springlily - it sounds so stressful with how hard you've been working and getting no breaks is just the worst. I'm sure you've been trying to come up with some solutions but I wonder if you'd like some help in brainstorming other ideas? I can say some of what's worked for me, though in the end none of them are a guarantee. One major thing is that I have to really resist my own urge to sit on the couch and disengage all day long. So the more tired and in need of quiet time I am, the more we end up getting out of the house. We go to the playground, story time, or friends' houses. My kids tend to do a lot better in public, as do I. My DH tries to be here for either the morning rush (part of it anyway) or the evening crazies. It's so helpful to know that I can sleep an extra 30mins while he gets the kids up. Similarly, when he gets home it's my time to check out for a little bit. We also do a rest hour most every day which coincides with the little one's nap. I'm not sure how old your kids are but I wrote about it here. Lastly, I can sometimes get the older two to agree to watch a movie while the little one plays nearby. That then frees me up to take a nap or read a book. I'm still working on how to get craft/creative time in...

As for how I'm doing with the yelling, it's really up and down. The therapist leading our adoption group talked last week about how we end up taking in all of our kids' emotions. So anything that's too big for the kid to handle, resulting in difficult behaviors, we end up taking in for them. She definitely has a point and I'm trying to be more aware of when I'm feeling at loose ends and how to then calm down from that. I believe next week is the session on self-care and I'll be ready to take notes! Today we spent a lot of time with others and the kids got lots of exercise. I didn't yell. Yesterday I started the morning with yelling... I'll keep trying. Every time I can avoid the yelling I think is a victory and helps my kids both heal from their difficult beginnings and learn how to regulate their own emotions. I just have to remind myself it's worth it to work on even though I can't be perfect right now.


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## wide-eyed (Nov 11, 2005)

Just wanted to say thanks for this thread, everyone. It's an inspiring idea, one that I have pretty much every night about the next day, but hadn't thought about really committing to it in this way. It's also reassuring to read about all these other mamas' daily challenges that sound so much like my own.

Keep up the good, honest, heartfelt work, everyone!


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## 1love4ever (Jan 5, 2011)

This is an awesome thread! The reward and the accountability to others is the exact things I learned in my psychology class, it is supposed to be pretty effective. My DD is 14 months, I dont yell, yet. Hope I can keep it that way!


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

I yell, poor baby, he is too little to really understand why he is frustrating me, and I only yell out of anger not to get attention as we are a quiet bunch. I feel crappy when I do it and it sets the mood for the rest of the day. Not that I can blame him, having his mommy yell at him and being all confused


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## Kraubenheimer (Apr 5, 2011)

Thank you for this thread. It helps me to know I am not alone in my days of losing my patience. Thank you so much.

Deep breaths.


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## chelagail (Mar 3, 2011)

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences with such honesty. It is so reassuring to read other people's comments and feel like they are telling my story!

I have two toddler boys and stay home with them full time. I keep Hilary Flower's "Adventures in Gentle Discipline" by the bedside to read while nursing or whenever I need to remind myself that I am not alone in my frustration. Some days we do great and I feel like I am in sync with my 3.5 year old. I feel happy and proud of us as a family. Other days... I call my husband in tears and am sure that I have become a horrid mother. I have been tracking day by day on my own, celebrating good days and forgiving myself for bad days. I have lots of other mom friends, but I never call them in those moments because I know that they have their own challenges and don't need my negative energy. Also, it is embarrassing to share those moments because I feel so defeated. I have never posted on a discussion site like this, but it seems like a great place to connect without bothering my friends. My family is also not available to discuss things with because they are advocates of more authoritarian discipline. I have to gloss over behavior problems with them so that I don't hear about how I spoil my children.

Anyways, yesterday was rough, but I took a 2 minute break instead of yelling and I processed it with my son later when we were both calm. Today, so far, has been great. And the boys are taking a rare and precious simultanious nap! I have been doing much better about moving on from slip ups and not letting it turn into a feature-length "bad day".

Thanks so much everyone!


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## momandwriter (Mar 25, 2011)

I have three kids - ages 8, 5, and 2, and I stay home full time. I often feel like I can't take one more minute with the kids and I want to scream my head off because I just simply need a break from all the neediness and drama. One thing that has helped me so much is to find "mother's helpers" in my neighborhood. These are girls ages 10 - 14 years old or so who I pay about $3 an hour who hang out with the kids while I am at home but doing other things (sometimes laundry, sometimes sleeping, sometimes reading a magazine alone in bed). It has helped me tremendously to just "check out" while the kids play with an older girl. One girl started helping me when she was 10, and by the time she was 14 years old I could actually leave her with all three kids while I left the house and ran an errand or went for a nice walk. She was completely comfortable handling all three kids, and they listened to her and had a great time. I know it's sometimes hard to find help, but it sure is worth looking!!!! : ) Somehow, when I can get away for even a short time, my mood improves and I can face my kids again.


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## chelagail (Mar 3, 2011)

That is a great suggestion. I think that it would help so much to have a couple hours per week to bustle about the house uninterrupted and get projects done and off my list.

As everyone comes out for the nice spring weather, I am going to start asking around.

Thanks!


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## zuzunel09 (Mar 19, 2009)

I'm so glad I found this thread. I just started an accountability thing with my husband where I basically use the 12 steps for overcoming anger and yelling one day at a time. I just started today, though, and while I was able not to yell or get angry all day, it was an easy day because we spent most of it at my parents' house and church so ds was fully occupied and stimulated. My 20 mo. old is very active and spirited and not many days go by where I'm not afraid for his life. He climbs everything, puts everything in his mouth, darts away from me in public, and is obsessed with yet not afraid of cars.









When he's not turning my hair white and taking years off my life with putting himself in danger, he's such a sweetheart. Except when he's throwing food, screaming for keys/knives/cell phone/whathaveyou, or pulling my hair. Another thing is the crying and screaming. I just don't know how much is normal, but it seems like my dh has a super-high tolerance for whining and crying whereas I can barely stand the sound of it. If dh is doing something with ds in another room and there's crying, my bp skyrockets and I usually yell at them both across the apartment "WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE??!!" Trying to stay quiet and calm and cool when ds is screaming is physically and emotionally so hard for me, but let's face it, yelling at him to stop hasn't worked so far.


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## Aliyahsmommy (Sep 9, 2008)

I want to join you moms! Yelling with an angry, horrible face is unfortunately when all my awful parenting moments come into play. I too want to start today with a new "voice" and not yell at my kids I will keep u\you posted on how I do.


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## kristawanko (Feb 8, 2011)

Also very motivated to join with this group. Such a heartfelt step it is to seek this, even if we never will be perfect; it is worth it to try as often as possible.


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## stellamia (Oct 18, 2009)

Oh I need this thread so much!!! I HATE that I've become a yeller, but I admit I have. I haven't read PP yet except a few on the first page but want to say I agree that raising your voice can be necessary. I often will call to them outside "Turn off the hose please!!.....Boys! Turn the hose off, NOW!" And if it's not in a mean, scary voice, I don't think of it as yelling at them. It's more like shouting but not in an angered way. But my kids don't deserve to be yelled at. I don't like being yelled at. I know they don't like it. My 6 y/o is VERY sensitive and will hang his head if I come down on him too hard. He tends to be perfectionistic (first born) and I really have to watch that I encourage and uplift him rather than be a tyrant.

Today I will commit to being in the moment and not letting stress rule my behavior. No yelling today!


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## zuzunel09 (Mar 19, 2009)

Ugh, by way of an update: I have so, so failed over the past week. Pride goeth before a fall...I thought I was doing great, checking in with DH about my attitude, welcoming opportunities to be patient, gloating about myself basically. Then I woke up with a massive back spasm one day, and DS knocked over a blender full of pancake batter in the fridge, and I lost it. I put him straight in his room for time out so I could clean up, so I avoided yelling at him per se, but I definitely let loose on some bad language while sopping up batter. So I was already feeling crappy about that when I ended up having to go to the ER for the pain in my ribs. I seriously thought I had broken one during one of my bronchitis-related coughing fits and ended up spending 2 days in the hospital only to be told it was just a spasm. Extremely painful but ultimately not dangerous or noteworthy. Add in some sleep deprivation and anxiety and you have the perfect recipe for the disastrous argument I had with DH tonight, where I was probably 99.5% to blame for the conflict. I feel so discouraged right now. My husband and son don't deserve to be with the banshee I've become during this pregnancy.


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