# Stillbirth at 22 weeks



## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

I went for my u/s 2 weeks ago & was shocked to discover that our precious son had died in utero. After 3 healthy normal pregnancies, it was so unexpected.

He was born 10 days ago. He was so precious and tiny.

I don't quite know how life goes on now. This isn't how we thought life would be.


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## greenmansions (Feb 16, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Carlin (Oct 14, 2006)

So sorry


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

oh, mommy, i am so very sorry. you are right, this isn't how life should be. you are in my thoughts right now. much love.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so sorry







It is hard to imagine life without our sweet babies in them. But, I can tell you that they are never far from our hearts or minds. I think of Dresden every day! And now, 5 months later, I can even think of him with a smile. You never stop missing them and wishing things could have been different. Hugs!


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## organic-mama (Aug 1, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. It does get easier everyday, hugs to you.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I am so sorry, mama. It's hard.


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## Tellera (Oct 28, 2005)

So sorry. I don't know how life goes on, either. *We* stop for quite some time. Take care mama.


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It's not fair and it's not right and it's horribly difficult. But I promise that one day, probably sooner than you imagine, you will look back and be able to smile about your beautiful boy. I'm sure you'll carry him close to your heart.


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

I'm so sorry, mama. We are here for you.









I wish you much peace







and healing.


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## GMum (Apr 25, 2008)

Oh mama, I am so very sorry


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## AbbeyWH (Feb 3, 2009)

I am right there with you Momma!
We just lost our sweet (full term) baby boy too almost three weeks ago
Our hearts are broken but it helps to know we are not alone...


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## ratrodgrl (Nov 8, 2008)

I am so sorry














s for your loss


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember being almost incredulous when the sun rose the morning after my daughter was born.







It does get better, but you'll always miss him, and he'll always be your son.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

mama.

Be so very gentle on yourself and your family right now. Take the days minute by minute, hour by hour for now and give yourself permission to be however you need to be ... angry, sad, numb, even happy.

It's 4 months today since our third child, Emma, was birthed silently and it is hard - it's still hard but intermixed with the sadness is joy at the fact we had her at all, even for such a short time.

If you choose to share his name with us, we would be privileged to honour him with you.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I am so sorry mama. These first few weeks, you will likely be living every moment as one moment. That's okay, too. We are all here for you, and we all are completely for healing and getting stronger, so you will ALWAYs be welcome here.

*HUGE hugs to you Mama* XXXX


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *expatmommy* 
I don't quite know how life goes on now. This isn't how we thought life would be.

I am so so sorry. It is a pain that seems most unbearable. But you get through it, one day at a time, one moment at a time, one second at a time. Then one day, you realize you can breathe with out thinking, you think of your child & there are less tears. There is a quote in which helped me in my dark hours, & I share it with you:

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Rose Kennedy

Peace to you Mama, be gentle with yourself.


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## alsoSarah (Apr 29, 2002)

I am so very sorry for your loss.

alsoSarah


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## maemaemama (Oct 10, 2007)

I am so sorry. I lost my baby at 21 weeks 4.5 months ago. It's hard hard hard. You will make it. Give yourself time to let it be what it is.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I am so sorry...







:


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

s So sorry for your loss. We are all here for you.


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)

It's not fair, or right for a mama to carry a child then not be able to parent it. You can keep the baby in your heart forever and honor and love your baby just the same. It will be hard, but you will heal in time, but you need time, do not deny yourself or family this. Talk about it and talk often if it helps, join a support group, and get it all out... Also don't forget that your husband and other children are probably grieving, remember they will need help and time too. Ask for help from others, take time for yourself and let your body heal physically and emotionally. Also post here often.. We will listen day or night..

Good luck down the long road that lay ahead..


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

Can I just say that posting here makes me feel just a wee bit more sane or normal? Nothing about this experience has been familiar or expected & it feels totally out of control. I'm waking up every morning feeling like this is a nightmare that I might wake up from. To have people affirm that the experience is life altering and needs to be grieved is comforting.

Thank you all for your kind and gentle words.


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## Kat's Mommy (Jan 2, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss.









It's been 3 weeks since I lost my son. I look at his pictures every day. I think about him every day.

I've gone through the stages of grief, many times over, and I am still going through them.

I have found great comfort in the MDC mama's...a support system like no other.


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## ~gilli~ (Jun 30, 2005)

I am so very sorry.


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## Rylie'sMom (Feb 10, 2009)

Words are not enough to express my sorrow for your loss. I was where you are a few short weeks ago when Rylie was born silent at 24 weeks. It is a pain in your heart and bones that is undescribeable to those who have not lost a child. My heart is with you and your family and I hope you find some comfort and healing here. I know I have and I've only been here a week. You are very brave and strong to come here and converse. I remember the first two weeks I couldn't even say that our daughter was stillborn because I would break down before the words escaped my throat. These women are strong and amazing like you are and I'm grateful to have them and you will be too


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## MotherInferior (Nov 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry.









Be gentle with yourself and give yourself lots of time and space to grieve.


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## caro113 (Aug 25, 2008)




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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss.







You and your family are in my thoughts.


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## mollyb33 (Dec 29, 2008)

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. What is his name? I lost my son 8.5 weeks ago and somehow life has gone on. You're so right that this isn't what we thought life would be. Go easy on yourself and hang in there. One site I have found that has been good for me is: www.glowinthewoods.com.


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## Seedlings (Dec 20, 2007)

I am so sorry


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

My sweet lost son's name is Max, named by his older brother who said from the moment he found out I was pregnant "if its a boy, his name must be Max!"


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

for Max


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so very sorry


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

huge very empathetic hugs from me.

I'm so sorry.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I'm so very sorry for your loss of sweet Max.
You are in my thoughts, Mama.








It is true, what other posters have said, that time
will be your friend and ease your grief and pain; it
is also true that these losses change our lives, and
little by little, we learn to live our "new normal."


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## famille_huggins (Mar 30, 2007)

*expatmommy* -- I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been nearly two years ago since I lost my son Zachary at 22 weeks, and a day does not go by that he's not heavy on my heart and mind. I wish things were different for you...


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *expatmommy* 
Nothing about this experience has been familiar or expected & it feels totally out of control.

Oh I remember that feeling so well... there is no manual for losing a baby. I lost a baby boy @ 22 weeks also & am heartbroken for you, mama
















Max


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## michanders4 (Jul 24, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss







.


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## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

Oh I'm so behind here... it breaks my heart when I'm gone from MDC for just a week or two and I come back to find new mamas here









I'm so so so incredibly sorry mama. We all know what you are dealing with and it's such a hard long road. There are so many of us who were right where you are now just a few short weeks or months ago as well as those who've been on this path for years and have amazing wisdom and encouragment for we who are just starting out.

My son was born in Oct. and though it's easier, I'm still in shock. Let people help you and love on you... don't try to be strong- it's futile. You HAVE to grieve, it's good. That's the only way to continue living. Like someone else said... you will find your new "normal". No, you'll never be the same but that doesn't have to be bad. Trust me but don't try to see it for yourself yet... it will just come.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

So when will I be able to fall asleep again without the darkness overwhelming me? I've resorted to sleeping pills & I wait up until my body is achingly tired with hopes that I can fall asleep quickly. Otherwise it is just like a living nightmare. So are those first moments when I wake up and realize that my baby is gone, I am not pregnant & yet life still ticks on.


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *expatmommy* 
So when will I be able to fall asleep again without the darkness overwhelming me? I've resorted to sleeping pills & I wait up until my body is achingly tired with hopes that I can fall asleep quickly. Otherwise it is just like a living nightmare. So are those first moments when I wake up and realize that my baby is gone, I am not pregnant & yet life still ticks on.









Yes, night time, when the house is quiet is so very hard







& that waking up & realization... oh it's agonizing... you *should* still be pregnant...

Many more


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## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry, mama.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I got a prescription for Benadryl for the first few weeks after my loss. I did not want "real" sleeping pills because I was afraid of becoming dependent on them - same as my fear of the narcotics they gave me, which I was off in about a week and a half or so after Josie died. I used to take a couple of Benadryl and that would conk me out quite nicely.

But then, it does get easier - nights get easier, I promise they do. At first you may well need a knock out to sleep, because you're going to be hormonally hyper-vigilant, and all that on top of grieving. It's totally normal - believe me.

Just give yourself some time - your recovery is going to keep continuing, but don't try to force yourself to sleep without anything, or chastise yourself for not springing back immediately. I think you're doing very well indeed and you're a lovely mama, so breathe and give yourself the permission to lean on people who care for a while









*HUGEST hugs* XXXX


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JayJay* 
I got a prescription for Benadryl for the first few weeks after my loss. I did not want "real" sleeping pills because I was afraid of becoming dependent on them - same as my fear of the narcotics they gave me, which I was off in about a week and a half or so after Josie died. I used to take a couple of Benadryl and that would conk me out quite nicely.

But then, it does get easier - nights get easier, I promise they do. At first you may well need a knock out to sleep, because you're going to be hormonally hyper-vigilant, and all that on top of grieving. It's totally normal - believe me.

Just give yourself some time - your recovery is going to keep continuing, but don't try to force yourself to sleep without anything, or chastise yourself for not springing back immediately. I think you're doing very well indeed and you're a lovely mama, so breathe and give yourself the permission to lean on people who care for a while









*HUGEST hugs* XXXX

I totally agree, but just wanted to add that you don't need a prescription for Benadryl & can get a store brand generic quite cheaply @ any grocery or drug store.

Also, Unisom is a very safe over-the-counter sleep aid & won't dry you out the way that Benadryl might (since Benadryl is an antihistamine).

More


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Total point Jen - you're right - you don't need a script! I did actually have one though lol. I think it made it cheaper because I had a prescription plan or something. Never heard of Unisom, but then again at the time I wasn't really into researching anything I suppose. In the end, I didn't finish all the Benadryl I had, so I suppose that means after a while, you find you don't need them as much. Sleep is a big problem though in the beginning, I do remember that so well. Sleep, and the dreams you have when you do get so sleep.

*HUGEST hugs* XXX


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so sorry.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

Thanks Jen & JayJay.

This place makes me feel normal & gives me hope that where I am now isn't where I always will be.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

I've been using melatonin and it works pretty good!


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## 2sweetboysmom (Aug 1, 2006)

I am very sorry for your loss.








My loss was at 15+ weeks, about 1 month ago. Nights are very hard on me too. I wake up exausted every morning because I have relived my loss in some form or another in my dreams all night. Yet I still have to remind my self daily that I am no longer pregnant, we are not expecting an addition to our family this summer. I hear little sounds that no one else hears, and jump to care for the baby who is not there.
It is getting easier...It takes my breath away a little less each day...I am sleeping a bit more peacefully this week than I did last...But I don't think I will ever cease to see Michael's shadow at the edges of my vision, and really it would sadden me if I did.
I pray you will find increasing peace as the weeks go by, that your spirit will find the rest it needs.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2sweetboysmom* 
It take my breath away a little less each day...I am sleeping a bit more peacefully this week than I did last...But I don't think I will ever cease to see Michael's shadow at the edges of my vision, and really it would sadden me if I did.

Thank you. That is a beautiful way of phrasing it.


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

first....<<<HUGS>> Momma...

second...it does get more manageable. It doesn't get easier, but you learn to manage your pain and grief in a liveable way. It still hurts and it's still very painful, but somehow you get through it and you live.

I lost my dd at 20 weeks 2 years ago...Feb. 11th. I then went on to lose another baby at 17 weeks - 9 months later- Nov. 30th. I still think of them both every single day two years later. Every day. And some days I thought that I just couldn't live another moment without them. And then other days were better, more manageable.

I looked to my children ( who I am SO BLESSED to have!!!) for joy in my life. They seem to be little miracles as I have no answers to my losses. And when I was in so much pain again these last few weeks I looked to them for meaning. I also am so lucky to have VERY supportive friends and family. I also decided that I am going to talk about my babies...and honor them by doing so.

I KNOW how you are feeling..and I'm so sorry. NO ONE should ever go through this pain...it's just unfair. It is. Take every day, one day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve.

and pm if you want to talk.....HUGS momma...HUGS....

and your baby and my dd share the same birthday...







to your sweet little one.....


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## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *expatmommy* 
So when will I be able to fall asleep again without the darkness overwhelming me? I've resorted to sleeping pills & I wait up until my body is achingly tired with hopes that I can fall asleep quickly. Otherwise it is just like a living nightmare. So are those first moments when I wake up and realize that my baby is gone, I am not pregnant & yet life still ticks on.










That is such a real and raw memoryof my own beginning stages... when my dh is away for work for any length of time I still struggle BIG TIME at night.

Don't feel guilty about needing help to sleep. I HAPPILY drugged myself every evening for as long as I needed to.This is *not* something I'm normally comfortable with. I saw a traditional Dr. and got a script for Ativan in a very small dose. I needed it for severe anxiety as well. Benzodiazadines have a long history of being addictive and dangerous so I made sure I talked openly about my concerns with the Dr. Thankfully I was able to see someone who my ND recommended that was quite conservative with scripts and dosages. My intentions were to use it as needed temporarily and to not go up in dose. That's what I did and there came a day when I realized I hadn't taken it to sleep. That was a great day. I still keep it in the cabinet as a comfort but haven't needed to use it in a couple of months. I do however partake in a certain natural herb on occasion if I'm dealing with insomnia







I realize that's not a legal option for everyone... it is for us as medical card holders in RI. The med-cards are for something unrelated but comes in handy never the less.

Melatonin is amazing... however it can cause some people to have very vivid and terrifying dreams. Unfortunately I amone of those people but my family all use it when they need to and LOVE it.

Inositol is another natural option that I used to use for general insomnia.

When you're in the state of mind that you are right now you just have to do what makes it possible to function. Screw everything else. Thinking of you today mama...


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