# night weaning as a single parent



## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

I wrote in a few weeks ago and cannot find the thread. It may have been in the nighttime parenting section but I just can't find it so here it I go again. My son is 19 months old and I believe now is a great time to night wean. He is co-sleeping with me but I do have a crib next to the bed that I occasionally put him in. He only wakes up about 2 times a night lately and I am sure he'll have a fit if I just say no. He goes from 0-60 in 20 seconds. Someone gave me a link to a great slow weaning process that doesn't include a partner. It may have been Dr. Jay Gordon's but I don't remember. If anyone has that available I would love to have it again. Any advice is welcome. Thank you!!


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## pinetree (Jul 11, 2008)

I don't know the link (I hope someone does though!) but I night weaned with a partner who refused to help but insisted that it happen. I did lots of swaddling (big blanket) and rocking with singing softly and whispering/talking. A sippy cup of water worked well too though that's made night time potty training an issue.


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## josybear (Jul 24, 2006)

i wore a high-necked shirt, tucked in, and basically rode it out. he cried for a few nights, but adjusted. it was a rough few nights, but worth it. i had a sippy with water, lots of hugs, rocking, singing... i made it up as i went along and did what worked for myself and the baby.


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## LoveOhm (Apr 26, 2007)

Here is the link to Jay's plan: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

For your child's age I actually like the Sleep Easy Solutions method of weaning which is what I plan to do with any future children. (Not the sleep training but everything else --- their advice on schedules, weaning, etc.) In short they say to wake your child before they normally wake and nurse them for ___ minutes on each side then each night reduce the time until the time is 0. This really worked for the mainstream moms I feel are respectful of their children and I think it has the potential to causes less tears and stress than Jay Gordon's plan (and he is our pediatrician so I think highly of him).

Sadly I can't imagine the Sleep Easy Solution's method of weaning working for my dd at 2 1/2 who is already firmly set in her ways so we are doing something different.

I am replacing nursing with another method of soothing ~ For nighttime and naptime I am patting her back to sleep & during the day instead of _comfort nursing_ I offer dd a hug.

I am going the whole night all at once, dd can falls asleep with me patting her back she does fuss/whine about the _"nursies"_ being sleepy but I tell her they will be there in the morning when the sun comes up. It is hard because she is waking more the usual and it takes more work to pat her back to sleep than to pop a boob in her mouth.... so I would do it when you can make up the sleep by taking a nap with your child (maybe a long weekend) like 4th of july.

Good luck!


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

My experience was similar to the others that have been described. (I had a "partner" but he did absolutely no night time parenting at all ever.)

You might start by explaining to your child how things are going to change. He may understand and it may help to prepare him.

I night weaned my first at about the age your child is. I would not have done it if I hadn't been pregnant and exhausted/in a lot of pain. My second was more like 2.5 and that went much more smoothly.


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

I think my son is already set in his ways as well. I'm not sure that any slow weaning will make it easier on him. I know he can understand what I say. I think I may have to do the few rough nights until it's done. Should I remain co-sleeping or always put him back in the crib now? Will that be too traumatizing to do both? I think if I wait until he's older it may be more difficult. A friend of mine had a really tough time with her toddler when they night weaned between 2 1/2 and 3. It took a month! I'm thinking earlier may be better but every kid is different. I am moving in a few months so I want him to already be night weaned so i don't have to do it after a move which may be more difficult for him. The past two nights I have told my ds that Gabe goes night night, mommy goes night night and milky goes night night. He actually only woke up once the first night and twice the second night. So ???? Well, I hope it works sooner than later. I'm going to review Dr. Gordon's weaning anyway but I think I'm just going to go for the straight nursies go night night until the sun comes up method. Thanks everyone!!


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## mumblemama (Jun 17, 2009)

It took about a week with my last... I wore a bra to bed, sitll co-slept, made it clear as I sitll nursed her down that "no babas tonight, babas are owie (they were), you can have more babas in the morning". She only woke 1-2 times during then and when she woke I'd repeat that, offer a drink. She cried about it but it wasn't so bad. I think you should still co-sleep, definitely.


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## Kinguk (Jun 26, 2008)

I'm right there with you mommymel and am wondering...don't they get hungry without the night nursing!?

Dr. Gordon's solution does seem a little too traumatic for my comfort.

I'm going to start talking to her about it and then try the "we can nurse in the morning".


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

Thank you! I have to go find a shirt to wear that makes me less accessible.


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

I don't think that they are really hungry if they ate a good dinner and nursed to sleep.


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## mesmerize138 (Apr 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommymel* 
Should I remain co-sleeping or always put him back in the crib now? Will that be too traumatizing to do both?

I would have to say yes to this, personally. Or, at least, it surely would have been with my son. I weaned DS at about 27 months. I thought night times would be harder, but I just wore a shirt to sleep in (still do actually) and when he'd wake in the night I'd just cuddle him up close to me, making sure that he was high enough up that he wasn't anywhere near my boobs.

My partner was also no help







: ... I did it all on my own. So you can do it too. It might be hard for a little while, but the benefits will far outweigh the sacrifices.


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

Well, I haven't started the process yet. It looks like Sat. night I will begin. He ended up having a belly ache and was screaming in pain so I had to nurse him. It's tough because at this time my work schedule is so erratic and I work until 9:30pm sometimes and he hadn't nursed since about 9 or 10 am. He makes up for it on those nights. Oh well. I'm pretty sure he's getting enough nutrients.


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## LoveOhm (Apr 26, 2007)

I will be right there with you! We plan to start nightweaning this Sunday night..... I think I have laid a good foundation, but now to stick with it consistently or a week or so until it is routine is the challenge. Keep me posted to your progress & best of luck!


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## robinchap1 (Mar 15, 2007)

I did a modified Jay Gordon plan, similar to what a lot of these mommies are saying. I did it at about 25 months or so. I had to get completely desperate myself 1st!
I started by talking to him about it a lot. Told him that pretty soon nursies were going to start sleeping all night so mommy and ds can sleep all night too. And I did the nursies wake up when the sun comes up thing. Around this time, we started a routine (possibly a bad one for teeth, I don't know!) of eating a banana every night while we cuddle in bed and read. Then after we turn the lights out we do nursies. Then I encourage him to say night night to the nursies and "see you when the sun comes up." It was rough for a little while. Lots of holding, rocking, walking around with him. Basically anything to comfort him EXCEPT nursing. And instead of saying, "NO" I kept saying over and over some version of, "you can do it" and "nursies will wake up and have lots of milk for you when the sun comes up."

Few tips: I back tracked a couple of times. If he was sick or going through a rough time I'd let him nurse at night. Re-nightweaning was WORSE! Now I won't go back for pretty much anything (but DS is 3 now).

Also... sun up became a little tricky. It varies depending on time of the year, etc. Now that he can recognize numbers I've taught him he has to wait for the 6 on the clock. We've been doing this for months now and 5-6am is STILL rough most days.

Yes, you can do this and co-sleep.

FYI, it was the right thing for me. BUT, it did not help my son's sleep. He still wakes frequently at night and needs me. He no longer asks for nursies in the night (and my body needed the break), but I really thought it would help him sleep through and he's not even close.

Good luck. Be gentle with yourself.


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

I haven't truly started yet. He only nursed one time last night on his own. That is progress but I'm not sure what will happen tonight. When he wakes up and wants it I am so tired and I don't really want to wake up and go through all of the crying. He thrashes himself around and gets really mad sometimes. I'm not sure when I'm really going to start it for sure. I do want to start weaning all together and I figure starting with the night is the way to go. I really need to feel motivated to do it and right now...today I'm not. Maybe tomorrow or maybe next week. I guess the sooner the better to be mostly weaned by 2 years old. (november)


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

Okay! I tried it last night. It wasnt' perfect but this is what I did. He did wake up at 11:15 and I did nurse him because I knew if I started then it would be a really long night. He actually didn't wake up to nurse until 4:30. Well he screamed and went crazy for almost ten minutes. I turned on the t.v. in the living room for a 1/2 hr and that stopped him from screaming and he took his pacifier. I turned off the t.v. and rocked and sang to him another half hour. He dozed but still kept waking up and would hit at my breast. I eventually took him back up to our room while he was dozed but as soon as we got into the bed he woke up screaming again. It was a little after 5:30 so I nursed him telling him it was light out so we could. (it was actually pouring rain but it was lighter than at 4:30) So I hope this is some progress. I'm not sure how tonight will go.


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## mesmerize138 (Apr 1, 2006)

It's a hard process, for sure. But you will make it through it.


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## va_lkywmn (Jun 19, 2008)

Just thought I would throw in what worked with my son. I night weaned without a partner and while it was a slow process, I was comfortable with the approach.
When he started to stir, I would comfort and he would generally settle the first time. The second time he would really begin to get upset and then when he actually started to cry I would nurse. Generally there was about 30 minutes from the first stirring to actually getting upset. With this method we moved back the first nursing from about 2 to 6 AM over several weeks. So week one - stir around 2 nurse around 2:30, week two stir around 2:30, nurse around 3 and so on.


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## eccomama (Oct 6, 2005)

when i weaned i stopped pumping when i was at work to reduce the milk. then i told dd my milk went old/sour as babies over 1yr dont need mommy milk. i would cut a lemon and put the juice on my boobs. she tried few times, and gave up. she was a little over a year. now that stopped breastfeeding completely. not sure if that's what you want to do but i was working full time and needed to sleep thru the night. after couple nights of fussing and paci intervention, dd started sleeping 7pm-7am!







around 3 she adjusted to 8pm-7am...
good luck


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

Thank you! I may try something like that eventually. Now that he is mostly weaned off the night he seems to want to nurse all the time otherwise. My nipples are sore and I think I may have a clogged duct in my left breast. I'm really feeling like I want to be done with nursing. I guess I just have to say no more often and more often and eventually try the lemon juice thing when it is quitting time.


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## denimtiger (Jan 22, 2009)

My dd nightweaned very gradually. I can't really pin down when, even (she's 25 months now). We NW around the same time I weaned her from nursing in public, for the most part. I've taught her that sometimes there's no milk (and there isn't, and I cannot handle her nursing at that time.) And that, right now, babas are "broken." Although, then she told me that we needed batteries.









She's now pretty accepting of not nursing when it's night, and at times I just can't do it. She's barely interested out of the house at all anymore, and can be comforted by hugs and tickles. There are still days when I feel like I'm not allowed to sit down at home without nursing, though.

I am a single mom.


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## alexandersmom (Jul 15, 2009)

I have tried to nightwean my 15 moth old son off and on for several months now. I am going back to work and have been home w/ him since he was born. I currently nurse him only at nap and bedtime along w/ through the night. He sleeps w/ me in a double bed w/ bedrails. I tried Dr. Gordon's method of NW but my child screamed and cried so I walked him around the room for hours, and I got tired and gave up. He wakes up to nurse about 3 times a night, which seems like too much for his age. Nursing is the only way he knows how to get back to sleep when he awakens. I cannot keep nursing him at night and work so i HAVE to wean him. I have considered Ferberizing him, but it seems so harsh. My pediatrician told me to put him in his crib and let him cry it out, but I can't bear to do that. Any tips on getting him to sleep w/out nursing?? I am not a single parent, but my husband sleeps in "our" bed and doesn't help at night.


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## denimtiger (Jan 22, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alexandersmom* 
I have tried to nightwean my 15 moth old son off and on for several months now. I am going back to work and have been home w/ him since he was born. I currently nurse him only at nap and bedtime along w/ through the night. He sleeps w/ me in a double bed w/ bedrails. I tried Dr. Gordon's method of NW but my child screamed and cried so I walked him around the room for hours, and I got tired and gave up. He wakes up to nurse about 3 times a night, which seems like too much for his age. Nursing is the only way he knows how to get back to sleep when he awakens. I cannot keep nursing him at night and work so i HAVE to wean him. I have considered Ferberizing him, but it seems so harsh. My pediatrician told me to put him in his crib and let him cry it out, but I can't bear to do that. Any tips on getting him to sleep w/out nursing?? I am not a single parent, but my husband sleeps in "our" bed and doesn't help at night.


15 months is still pretty little, 3x or more a night is pretty normal, especially if you're not nursing much during the day. I didn't try nightweaning at all until my dd was about 20 months or so. By then she was a lot more able to understand. We did it very gradually, slowly eliminating a feeding if I could distract her. I am a single, working mommy. We survived; I just moved MY bedtime back an hour on work nights.


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## LoveOhm (Apr 26, 2007)

Just wanted to update and say things are going GREAT with us and weaning. After cutting down little by little with distraction, counting from 10, the ABC song etc. for months with little to no results..... I went cold turkey on weaning for both night and daytime nursing; it has been six days and my dd of course asked to nurse but was happy with all the other comforts mommy could offer instead!!!! YEAH she was ready, I was ready and we are STILL really close and she in no way seems uphappy.

Only downside so far is nap times virtually don't happen because she still has not found a way to settle or allow me to help her settle into sleep in the daytime...... but we are working on it!

Just want to say it does happen and I have done it solo!


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

Congratulations. I had actually started nursing him again at night because he had a lot of gas one night. But I started again last night. It took longer than the very first time. The older they get, even by weeks, the harder it gets and the more attached to the breast they are it seems. So this is it. This week is nightwean week. I know it happens and I am more than ready now. It also seems that he wants to be disciplined in a sense with this and with other things. He tests me and then is really happy when I follow through. I'm glad you have your nights back and I will soon too!!! My pediatrician said both of his children stopped napping around age two. Maybe she doesn't need them anymore, but you probably need the break. He used to give them quiet time in their room. They could quietly play or nap for about an hour or so. My son doesn't nap long at his babysitters. Sometimes he falls asleep on his own and sometimes he just lays there for an hour.

I'm also going to start the full weaning after the nighttime is done. One nursing at a time is what my friend did, but cold turkey may be better. Congrats again!!!


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## mommymel (Dec 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alexandersmom* 
I have tried to nightwean my 15 moth old son off and on for several months now. I am going back to work and have been home w/ him since he was born. I currently nurse him only at nap and bedtime along w/ through the night. He sleeps w/ me in a double bed w/ bedrails. I tried Dr. Gordon's method of NW but my child screamed and cried so I walked him around the room for hours, and I got tired and gave up. He wakes up to nurse about 3 times a night, which seems like too much for his age. Nursing is the only way he knows how to get back to sleep when he awakens. I cannot keep nursing him at night and work so i HAVE to wean him. I have considered Ferberizing him, but it seems so harsh. My pediatrician told me to put him in his crib and let him cry it out, but I can't bear to do that. Any tips on getting him to sleep w/out nursing?? I am not a single parent, but my husband sleeps in "our" bed and doesn't help at night.

I wouldn't let him cry it out. In the long run you will have a tougher time. I think 18 months is a good time to start night weaning but it really depends on your child. My son would nurse all night forever if I let him but i know it's not for nourishment. I feel I could have started earlier with him. he's almost21 months now and it is time. good luck!


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