# No heart beat.....preparing for a miscarriage



## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

I went to my first appointment with my midwife this morning and we discovered that my baby didn't have a heartbeat when she did an u/s to confirm EDD. It looked as though it had just stopped---babe ("the embryo" just seems too clinical right now....) measured 9w 3d....the exact age DH and I thought s/he should be given when we suspected s/he was conceived.

I'm totally stunned. MW gave me slips for HCG tests to verify. But I know that our baby has died. I literally can feel the HCG subsiding and am feeling less and less pregnant by the hour. So very sad and disconcerting.

I'm thinking that I want to miscarry naturally and have been reading through threads trying to learn from all of you what I might expect over the coming days and weeks. I'm just so very sad. More later. Just had to tell someone.


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## Ravenmoon (Mar 2, 2002)

I am so,so sorry.Hugs and healing blessings for you and your family.I miscarried last week and it went well being at home.Take it easy and allow yourself to grieve.I am still very sad but feeling better with each passing day.Blessings~


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## quest4quiet (Feb 27, 2004)

s my heart goes out to you


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## kazmir (Nov 21, 2001)

Thinking of you.









I have had 3 natural misscarriages and each was different. I felt it was right for me to do it this way. My OB supported me and told me what to watch for and gave me a pain killer perscription whic I filled but didn't use... Keep in touch with your body and take it one day at a time.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Robin


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## BugsMom (Apr 29, 2004)

So sorry.


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## Abigail (Aug 23, 2002)

I am so sorry for your loss. In my experience I had a lot of cramping and then heavy bleeding. It took several days and that was it.

Be sure to drink lots of water and take good care of yourself. Sometimes others don't understand your loss or may not know what to say, but take advantage of this forum. There are wonderful people here that helped me very much through my mc's.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

I am so sorry


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## Justice2 (Mar 18, 2003)

I am so sorry, hun. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## babycarrier (Apr 2, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss. Waiting was a very difficult time. Take care of yourself. Keep hydrated.
I know everyone's experience is different; I just found out that we had no heartbeat last Monday. My m/c started that night (I used a med to soften my cervix) and the bleeding has stopped today.
This forum is a wonderful place. I find that it is the best place I have to talk about my loss because as women who have experienced it, we understand what a lonely place it can be.
I wish you well and my thoughts are with you and your babe.


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## gonnabeamom (Sep 15, 2003)

I am so so sorry.

I had a very similar loss a few weeks ago. I opted for a D&C, which was not what I thought I was going to do, but I found that the process surprises you.

I had two natural m/c in the past, and one was quite dramatic (we didn't know we were pregnant) and the other was so minor I didn't believe I had m/c until it was confirmed by several tests. That was at 7 Weeks.

I would second what everyone has said about taking good care of yourself physically and emotionally, and just add that you need to be open to the fact that what feels right can change.

I will be thinking of you.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss. Try and get lots of rest and take extra good care of yourself right now.

You might try getting some red rasberry leaf tea it is good for your uterus and will help keep you hydrated.

Let us know how you are doing.


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## weetzie (May 29, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss


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## SamuraiEarthMama (Dec 3, 2002)

my heart goes out to you and your family.

please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. there is no right or wrong way to get through this... you will find the path yourself. but this is such a great place to share your stories and learn from other's lessons.

warm wishes to you,

katje


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

so very sorry.








Feel free to come here and rant, vent or cry whenevery you need to. I second the drinking lots of water. I ended up in hospital with my natural m/c due to terribly low blood pressure, but I'm sure I was dehydrated.
We're always here.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

Thank you all so much for all of your responses. Your support and advice means so much to me. We hadn't told many people that I was pg and I don't yet have an especially strong network in the community we're living in. I'm really numb and exhausted today. Spent the day home with my 2.5 yo DD. Fortunately an old friend is coming into town this evening.

Still no sign of any bleeding. I'm meeting with my MW on Monday. Kind of awkward since the appointment during which we discovered no heartbeat was the first time I'd ever met her. I was reading up a bit on boards and through Susun Weed's book on herbs for the childbearing year. She suggests blue and black cohosh to induce completion of miscarriage... but I'm realizing that I feel very nervous about doing this. I'm assuming that the process will just start (or rather, continue---guess I'm already in the midst of it...) in its own time?

Thank you again for all of your responses. This is such a difficult time. I'm struggling a bit with "what ifs..." even though I know intellectually that there is absolutely nothing that I did or did not do that caused this to happen. I've taken such good care of myself during this pg---really nothing that I wish that I'd done differently. Hard to feel so out of control. We so wanted this little one and may never have another opportunity.

Sorry for all the rambling....

Sharon


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## HRC121799 (Aug 8, 2003)

Just wanted to offer my hugs and you are in my thoughts. {{{hugs}}}


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

StillFrost, follow your instinct here and you'll now what is best for you. It can take several weeks for a miscarriage to begin. It has to be so hard weighting









Blue and Black Cohosh can help induce a miscarriage but they are *VERY POWERFUL* herbs. They absolutely *SHOULD NOT* be used without the advice and supervision of a trained midwife.

I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Please know we're here thinking about you.


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## saintmom (Aug 19, 2003)

So sorry..........i've had five mc's all natural.you might want to send dh out for some gatorade,and emegen C packets.It'll help keep your electrolites balanced.I second being cautious with herbal help,maybe you can find a hb midwife willing to help?I'll keep you in my prayers.


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## ScooterMama1 (Feb 2, 2004)

Hi Sharon,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss...









I miscarried mid-April and you and I have alot of similarities. My baby was about 9 weeks size (although I found out at almost 12 weeks), and my son is almost 2 years old (they are a bit tiring aren't they







). I was seeing both an OB/GYN and a ND/Midwife when I found out that the baby had died. When I told my OB that I wanted to miscarry naturally, she ok'ed it as long as it happed by the end of April. With that in mind, I went to my ND/Midwife and she prescribed blue and black cohosh. I also went to acupuncture treatments (once every 2-3 days).

I ended up miscarrying at about 13 weeks. It was a lot like the first 5 hours of labor to me. I started having contractions and they got closer and harder until I delivered the baby and then the placenta. In preparation for this miscarriage I drank lots of water and recharge, took all of my prenatal vitamins, and tried to focus on eating more iron rich foods. I was lucky to have a good friend that supported me through this process (she was familiar with what would happen). There was a lot of blood (I was glad to have had someone suggest to get supermaxi overnight pads) but it subsided quickly after the placenta was delivered. I ended up bleeding (like a heavy period) for about 1 1/2 weeks. Everyone's experience is a bit different tho... You might want to search to see if you can find some other stories.

My ND/Midwife said that I needed to call ASAP if I felt dizzy, was losing too much blood, etc. She was right when she said that I would know if there was a problem. I knew intuitively that things were progressing very well, and that my body knew what to do. I made an appointment to get an ultrasound about a week after I miscarried and it showed that my uterus had completely cleaned itself out.

I work part-time and I ended up taking almost 2 weeks off work to grieve and recover (about 1 week before and 1 week after). It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I am feeling relatively peaceful with myself, the baby, and God (or whatever you want to call her







). I was very angry in the beginning.

With all of that... I am sure that you will decide on the perfect path for you. I will send you good energy and keep you in my thoughts.

Pamela


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

SOOO sorry to hear your loss! Like many of us, I Have been there as well as loosing my oldest/first dd, at birth.
A loss of a child at any stage is numbing.









I second the red rasberry leaf tea. & Lotts of sleep.


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## hindonly (May 5, 2004)

So sorry to hear about your loss:-(
At the moment I am/was 5 weeks preg but am now preparing for M/C.
I started to have a 'brown' bleed 2 days ago but that has progressed into a darkish red and is more like a normal period now. Although no pains as yet,but I am waiting for it to come. This will be my second one, and I dont think it gets easier...
And because Ive m/c'ed before we too didn't tell many ppl our news only very close family-which Im thankful for.
I didnt even tell any1 at work! But next week or possibly the next few days it will all begin-I hope - I dont want it to take to long to pass through my body.
Its such a difficult exp to deal with and I understand what u are going through.

Take care,
Carol


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## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

I am so sorry that you have to go thru this!







My thoughts and prayers are with you....


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## comet (Aug 22, 2002)

I'm late, I know, but wanted to give my condolences. I had 3 mc's and had a long wait with the last one. I hope you are doing better by now.


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## Abigail (Aug 23, 2002)

I just wanted to send a few more hugs.

I have been thinking of you.


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## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

StillForest - I have been thinking about you a lot today...







I hope you are alright considering.


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## StillForest (Nov 27, 2001)

Hi-

Thank you so much for all of your messages, support and shared experiences. Your messages mean so much to me since very few people even knew that I was pg and I really haven't felt like talking about our loss.
I ended up having a D&C (concerned that I might hemorrhage given that my baby was almost almost 10 weeks when he or she died) and it was an extremely surreal experience. I really would have rather passed the baby at home but was concerned given that we live quite far from town and DH works an hour and a half away. I feel as though I bounce between numbness and mourning.

My 2.5 yo is now calling....more later. Thank you again for all of your messages! I'll respond soon. It's been a rather still, silent, and contemplative period of time for me.


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## tammylc (Apr 4, 2004)

Sharon - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had just been thinking about you in the last couple of days and planning to get in touch. My heart aches for you.

Hugs.


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## gonnabeamom (Sep 15, 2003)

I have no words









Keep taking care of yourself


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## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

I will still think of you... get some rest and dont worry if you cant get here to reply for a while! Take this time to heal....


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