# Would You Let Your 10 Year Old Go To China?



## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

My dd1's dad wants to take her to China to meet his (online) girlfriend and her daughter for a week. I'm the keeper of the passport and, of course, have to give permission for them to travel overseas together. The idea of her being in China makes me more than a bit nervous. Would you let your kid go to China? I think the only other relevant info is that she's not vaccinated and these two have never traveled alone together, although her dad has been to China before to meet another online girlfriend.


----------



## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

China wouldn't bother me, but him taking her there to meet his online girlfriend would. Has he ever met her before? How well do they know each other?


----------



## amnesiac (Dec 28, 2001)

No, I wouldn't let my dd go.


----------



## Mary-Beth (Nov 20, 2001)

I don't think so. The trip to meet the on-line girlfriend concerns me.
Maybe he should go alone this time and build up that relationship more...it's nice that he wants to include his daughter...but I just don't think I'd feel comfortable.
I'm assuming they haven't met though...even if they have been on-line friends for a long time it isn't the same until your meet IRL and see someone is who they say they are.


----------



## TayTaysMama (Oct 16, 2007)

It is not the going to China that bothers me. That would be a great experience for her to have with her father. But what is up with the online girlfriend? That is what would have me worried.

Tough decision!


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Another thing to think about. What if he decides not to come back, or stay longer with her? No one would be able to make them come back from China.


----------



## jellop (Dec 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TayTaysMama* 
It is not the going to China that bothers me. That would be a great experience for her to have with her father. But what is up with the online girlfriend? That is what would have me worried.

Tough decision!


Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
Another thing to think about. What if he decides not to come back, or stay longer with her? No one would be able to make them come back from China.


----------



## tinuviel_k (Apr 29, 2004)

No way. Not anywhere to visit an online girlfriend.


----------



## lunabelly (Jan 4, 2007)

I think it depends how much you trust her dad. I think a trip to China would be cool, but not if they're staying with the online girlfriend, and not if you're worried he won't bring her back.


----------



## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?


----------



## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinuviel_k* 
No way. Not anywhere to visit an online girlfriend.

Yes, to me that's a no brainer!


----------



## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?

I would not worry about those factors so much. I would just hesitate to let my youngish child leave the country without me. But then again, I have toddlers, so maybe by the time they're 10 I'll be singing a different tune.


----------



## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?

I'd object to my child going to somewhere politically unstable if I felt that she would be at risk. Not slight risk, but a moderate risk. But my dd is 18 at 10 I'd probably want the risk to be lower. If there was a current epidemic or something I'd expect to wait to travel, we don't vax. The rest of the stuff wouldn't likely stop me.


----------



## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.


----------



## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

It depends on how much I would trust the adult taking her. My gut is not to allow a 10 year old out of the country without a parent (and i mean me!) The online girlfriend thing is also a little disturbing.

I'd be concerned that the father might be distracted with the girlfriend and if your daughter would be supervised enough. Also, how romantic are the father and girlfriend going to be, and will your daughter be exposed to inappropriate behavior? You have no idea and she may have bad or awkward feelings seeing her dad with another woman and she 's going to have no one around to support her if she feels uncomfortable.

In this situation, I'd say no. I have no problems with China travel though.


----------



## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?

My ds1 went to China at age 11 with dh to adopt dd. Wonderful, fantastic, journey of a lifetime for them. This was in '04, when there was still a bit of concern about SARS. Everything was fine, but this was a guided trip w/an interpreter, and dh's complete focus was on ds and dd. We also had the added watchful eyes of the 2 other adopting couples in the group, and the guide. They spent 2 weeks there, in Beijing, Nanchang and Guangzho. I definitely think the experience was worth it and have no regrets. However, the situation you describe is much different. Not sure I could handle the meeting the online gf thing.


----------



## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

You can't quote me on this, but I don't think there are any vaccines required for visiting China.

What part of China are they going to?

The pollution isn't great; whenever I go anywhere other than Western Europe I find myself blowing my nose with some black stuff in there. Ick. Happened in China, Serbia, and Tanzania. I think it's mostly the diesel. However, I don't believe that a few weeks exposure has shortened my life any.

Avian flu is a concern worth considering, but currently it is not spreading from human to human. Your child will not be butchering chickens, so the risk is VERY low IMHO.

In major cities (Beijing and Shanghai for example) the government is very careful with tourists. In Tiananment Square I was taking a picture and turned around to see a guard yanking away and yelling at a man who was a little too close to my backpack. I kept my guard up more after that but also felt good about the protection there.

I don't think a 10 year old would be capable of keeping their guard up like that, and would need an adult to be on their toes at all times.

Poorer people will swarm foreigners to sell trinkets and such. It can be overwhelming.

Middle class people are very welcoming of Americans and curious.

If you're white or black (that is, not Chinese descent) you'll get stared at everywhere. It can be disconcerting.

I would not let my 10 year old go with her father to meet his online girlfriend ANYWHERE.

I would let my 13+ child go with a school trip without a parent (after asking questions and getting info about itinerary, precautions, rules, etc.).

I would let my child any age go with a trusted AND capable parent (that is, one sophisticated and aware enough to handle the pressures of foreign travel) ... but not to meet an online girlfriend.


----------



## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinuviel_k* 
No way. Not anywhere to visit an online girlfriend.

This.

If he wants to travel with DD, how about sightseeing in good Ole' USA - Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls, hell, even Disney.


----------



## athansor (Feb 9, 2005)

I agree with the previous posters that I would have no trouble with the visitng China aspect of it, but would have a big problem with the going anywhere to meet a (new?) online girlfriend.


----------



## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

China would be fine with me, but I'd never agree to him taking her on a trip to meet an online girlfriend for the first time.


----------



## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Does she want to go?

My dd is currently five, and I would trust her dad to take her somewhere like that (though we are together and I'd want to go, too, as of right now). If she were five years older, it would be up to her. We've gone random places to meet online friends before, so I wouldn't be that concerned about an online girlfriend, either.

I think my main concerns would be, does your daughter want to go and do you trust her father? I think it's nice that he wants to include her.


----------



## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I personally would not be leaving the decision up to my 10 year old, when it involves leaving the country with the plan to meet her fathers online GF. And I'm a total consentual living supporter. But in this case I don't think many 10 year olds could really forsee the totality of possible and probable outcomes of such a thing. This one is a parental decision IMO.


----------



## lafemmedesfemmes (Nov 16, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Synthea™* 
There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.









:

christina


----------



## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Synthea™* 
There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.


How does your ex even know that this "woman" he's meeting is really a woman?


----------



## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SusanElizabeth* 
How does you ex even know that this "woman" he's meeting is really a woman?

Or, worse, that this person isn't looking for access to the daughter? Highly unlikely, I know, but I'd err on the side of being protective.


----------



## Phantaja (Oct 10, 2006)

I agree with PPs. I wouldn't let someone take my kid down the street to meet an online girlfriend, let alone around the world.


----------



## grumpybear (Oct 5, 2006)

I think that the relationship has ceased to be just an "online" one on account of him already visiting his gf in China before.
If I trust the father enough to take her to, say, London then I'd trust him enough to take her to China. That is, if she wants to go.
Also, I'd vax for polio though.


----------



## lilyfaith (Oct 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
she's not vaccinated and these two have never traveled alone together, although her dad has been to China before to meet another online girlfriend.

So, if I understand correctly he has visited a previous online girlfriend in China. This is a new online girlfriend.

Personally, I would not be comfortable at all w/ this visit.
1 - the vaccine issues
2 - his relationship w/his girlfriend needs to be solid on it's own terms before he brings his children into it
3 - it's an awful big trip if they've not traveled together before


----------



## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grumpybear* 
I *think that the relationship has ceased to be just an "online" one on account of him already visiting his gf in China before.*If I trust the father enough to take her to, say, London then I'd trust him enough to take her to China. That is, if she wants to go.
Also, I'd vax for polio though.

I think that was a different online girlfriend from China that he visited before. As I understand it, this is a new, unknown person.


----------



## grumpybear (Oct 5, 2006)

Ooohhh...
Well, I change my stand to a NO then.
Yeah, I would be quite worried about that.


----------



## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I'm also okay with China but I'd be very concerned about the online girlfriend and if this is their first time traveling together


----------



## Iris' Mom (Aug 3, 2007)

No matter how much I trusted her father, I would not let my dd travel anywhere to meet an online girlfriend. He's never met her before, and people get duped in online relationships all the time. She could be anyone or anything.

If not for the online girlfriend thing, I would be nervous but would agree to let my child go to China. I wasn't completely clear about the other factors you mentioned -- you meant would I be afraid those factors might harm my child, right? In which case, no, I wouldn't worry much. But when I first read your question, I thought you meant as a sort of protest or boycott.







My answer is still the same though.


----------



## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?


all of the above.


----------



## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
My dd1's dad wants to take her to China to meet his (online) girlfriend and her daughter for a week. I'm the keeper of the passport and, of course, have to give permission for them to travel overseas together. The idea of her being in China makes me more than a bit nervous. Would you let your kid go to China? I think the only other relevant info is that she's not vaccinated and these two have never traveled alone together, although her dad has been to China before to meet another online girlfriend.

No. I wouldn't...the travel aspect is SO tempting but no, not with her father who is metting an online girlfriend for the first time. Who takes a child to meet a "girlfriend" for the first time? Who is this other person? Would he actually have time to supervise your DD if he's metting a gf? What if DD gets there and Online Girlfriend is a freak and your child wants to come home? And that this is his second online girlfriend that he hasn't met from the same country...ehhhh, I'm just not cool with any of this.

I hope you're shoring up your "no" answer and not still on the fence. This sounds like a potentially miserable if not downright dangerous situation for your daughter.


----------



## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

DP took his 12 y.o. daughter to South Africa, and they both still talk about it years later.

Sooo....

If you trust him, and if you believe that he loves his child as a father should - then there is no reason to hold back, imho. I think trips like that open a whole world, and I think it's great that he wants to include her. I would want to know if a person I'm in love with loves my child, and if he is thinking about serious commitment it would only make sense to introduce them if there is such an opportunity.









No matter where DP goes, or what purpose he goes for, if DSD is there, I'm ALWAYS sure he will find time to supervise her. Kids are priority for loving parents, right? Is there a reason to assume that he is not?..

but I can tell that mine opinion is the unporpular one here heh







:


----------



## BurgundyElephant (Feb 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?


Provided they weren't going to the factory towns, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Yes, they are incredibly poluted in some areas, not at all in others. I'm not worried about the politics, flu, etc.

FWIW, I wouldn't let my DD go with my ex, unless I went too.


----------



## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BurgundyElephant* 
Provided they weren't going to the factory towns, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Yes, they are incredibly poluted in some areas, not at all in others. I'm not worried about the politics, flu, etc.

FWIW, I wouldn't let my DD go with my ex, unless I went too.

That's what I was thinking. I'd want to go as well, and stay out of their way as much as possible, but I'd have to be on extremely good terms with an ex to allow them to take my child out of the country.

And please forgive me if this is rude, but my first thought upon reading about _two girlfriends from China_ was how come your ex can't find a girlfriend on this continent?







Or is he from there and I missed that in the OP?







:


----------



## alllyssa (Sep 1, 2004)

Tell your ex to visit his girlfriend without your daughter. I can't imagine what he is thinking.


----------



## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

My question is: Who takes their kid to meet a potential mate? This along with the concerns about on-line relationships stated previously would tend to make me say, Uh, no. Plus, I do NOT want to indirectly sanction China's treatment of its citizens by spending any money there...


----------



## klosmom (Nov 19, 2007)

Although China would be a great experience for her I'd have to say no, given the reasons he is going. My daughter is a year younger than yours...No Way


----------



## maplesugar (May 24, 2005)

:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Synthea™* 
There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.









:
This would be my reaction.


----------



## leslie1 (Dec 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ananas* 
China would be fine with me, but I'd never agree to him taking her on a trip to meet an online girlfriend for the first time.

^ I agree 100%!


----------



## tpott4 (Nov 8, 2007)

I would not let my 10 yr old go.


----------



## RufusBeans (Mar 1, 2004)

no.


----------



## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
China wouldn't bother me, but him taking her there to meet his online girlfriend would.

My thoughts exactly.


----------



## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

The on-line girl friend that he has never met issue is why I would say NOPE!

Other than that I would most likely say yes.


----------



## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

Big, huge NO.


----------



## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

If I had absolute confidence in her dad - maybe I'd let them travel without me along. But to be honest, I don't. And we're married. I can't imagine how I'd feel if we were separated and he was traveling to meet an online girlfriend.

It is angst producing to be in another country with your child, I think. When we were in China the van that picked us up at the airport had no seatbelts (much less childseats) and had bald tires that were out-of-round so that the entire vehicle shook violently at anything more than about 30 mph. We traveled on highways for about 2 hours, during which we saw a pedestrian run over and left in the road with no one stopping. The traffic laws are nearly nonexistent.

You worry about what you're eating and drinking. And the healthcare is largely third world.

It's adventurous as a single adult. As a responsible parent, it's harrowing.


----------



## anubis (Oct 6, 2006)

China - fine.
Meeting people you only know online - fine.
Bringing your kids along - not fine.

That means no, I wouldn't.


----------



## beka1977 (Aug 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Synthea™* 
There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.









:


----------



## SaraGriffin (Nov 19, 2007)

Oh hell no! There is no way I would be okay with my child being taken literally half way around the world to meet someone from the internet. NO WAY.


----------



## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
China wouldn't bother me, but him taking her there to meet his online girlfriend would. Has he ever met her before? How well do they know each other?

It's the girlfriend part that bothers me as well as the fact they haven't traveled together before. I guess it depends on how much you trust him to make good choice and uphold your parenting choices (healthcare, safety etc.)

Laura


----------



## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anubis* 
China - fine.
Meeting people you only know online - fine.
Bringing your kids along - not fine.

That means no, I wouldn't.

Yes. And that is exactly what I meant when I wanted to know why the guy has only met his girlfriends online in another country. I've met people online, but it seemed odd to me that there had been two online girlfriends from China and that he had no problem taking a child to meet one of them for the first time.







:


----------



## Lissacamille (Oct 25, 2007)

Hell no, she wouldn't go! forget it!


----------



## TheGirls (Jan 8, 2007)

I just came back from China and I would be fine with a 10-year old going there (with a responsible adult, of course). However, travel is stressful, and a 14+ hour flight, through 12 or so time zones, followed by a VERY foreign culture is not a good first trip together. The dealbreaker would be taking her to meet a gf that the dad hasn't even met yet. I can't imagine allowing that.

FWIW, China is very protective (sometimes annoyingly so) of American tourists, so the political issues are unlikely to cause problems. I don't think I'd worry about the vax issue either unless there was a specific outbreak going on. I also wouldn't send a kid with an adult who wasn't a reasonably experienced traveller - you do have to be able to navigate a language barrier, deal with (over-zealous) street vendors, not drink the water, etc. But it's no more dangerous than most places.


----------



## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

I want to thank everyone for responding. In the end, I decided not to let my dd go on this trip with her dad. In addition to meeting the online girlfriend (the second time for him - he spent three days with her last year), he is having complete gastric bypass surgery just six weeks prior to this planned trip.







I did talk with dd about it and she wasn't disappointed at all.


----------



## emelsea (Jun 21, 2005)

I wouldn't let my child accompany their father _across town_ to meet a stranger he met online.

Never mind across the globe.


----------



## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

No way - mainly for her age, the type of trip, and the non vaccinated thing. I'm uneducated about it, but the fear of the unknown - meaning unknown places and what you can catch there - is a biggie for me. If she was say 16 and really wanted to make the trip as an experience then ok.... but what the heck? That is really weird to me.


----------



## straighthaircurly (Dec 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktmama* 
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?

That stuff would not be a concern. I think we get caught up in a lot of media hype and fear over things that are different than what we are used to. And we become numb to the risks in our everyday lives (like driving a car). I think China would be a fantastic experience for your daughter and I think exposure to different cultures and different political/social structure is very valuable. But I agree with the concerns about meeting an online girlfriend. Not suitable for a 10 year old IMO.


----------



## wanderinggypsy (Jul 26, 2005)

No. It's just a big bowl of wrong.


----------



## Mary-Beth (Nov 20, 2001)

He's not going to feel up to the trip if he has surgery before going. Sounds like he would be pushing himself and that is just another reason to say no.
Traveling that far is stressful under the best of circumstances. Glad to hear your dd isn't even disappointed. Sounds like another trip, another time would be better for them.


----------



## theretohere (Nov 4, 2005)

Nope, not to visit an online girlfriend.


----------



## funkygranolamama (Aug 10, 2005)

no way


----------

