# Dear Sierra, It's been 7 years since you were born and died & a picture of my beautiful girl



## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Dear Sierra,

Today marks seven years since your birth. I look back on that day and remember the pure love and joy that I felt the first time I held you in my arms. I had gone through so much to bring you into my life, all the losses, all the fertility treatments, but finally, there you were, in my arms, nestled at my breast. I could not believe how beautiful you were, so tiny and perfect. Your entrance came four weeks before we were expecting you, but you were a strong 6 ½ pounds and breathing so well. I spent those two days in the hospital marveling over you, amazed that you had chosen me to be your mother. I cried when they told me your blood type was O+ just like mine. Silly, I know, since it is most common for a baby's blood type to match the mother's, but since I was adopted, you were the first person I ever met who was biologically related to me, you were mine! I was so worried about you, I knew something just wasn't right but I wasn't strong enough to fight against the doctors and nurses for you. I am sorry my sweet girl, I am your mother, my job was to protect you with my life and I didn't fight hard enough. I allowed my trust in them to override my instinct as your mother.

I am eternally grateful that I was able to have those precious 2 ½ days with you, it is more than so many others ever get. I was able to carry you inside of me for 36 weeks, birth you into this world, hear you cry, feel you suckle at my breast, nourish you from my body, change your diaper, dress you, sleep with you, inhale your scent, bring you home with me, even if it was just for 14 short hours. I am so sorry that your little spirit had to leave your body, but I am thankful that I was holding you in my arms, nursing you at my breast as your soul slipped out of your body. If one must die, a peaceful death in the arms of someone who loves you intensely is the best way to pass on.

I know you are still with me, I feel your presence often. I have a happy life, a good life. You brought me your two younger sister, and I am sure you helped to guide me to Matt and Madison, your step-dad and step-sister. Though none of them had the chance to meet you and know you as you grew in me and on your days on Earth, they love and miss you and you are truly part of our family. You would be in first grade now, just ten months older than Maia. I wonder what you would be like, quick to laugh, a sparkle in your eye, mommy's little helper, polite, smart, sweet, the perfect daughter; yet I know you would also try my patience, sass me back when you are mad, throw your clothes all over the floor, fight with your sisters, drive me crazy!

You changed the very core of my being. I question, research, fight for my family, and am more sure of my place in this world. I appreciate life, family, and your sisters more than I think I would have if you had never come into and out of my life. You have shaped the mother, wife, teacher, woman that I am today. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother.

I love you sweet girl,
Mommy


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

So sorry for the loss of Sierra.


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## Kaitnbugsmom (Dec 4, 2003)

Oh my. Big hugs to you hon. It seems like only yesterday to me, I can't imagine. More hugs and prayers


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Sierra's story.








Sierra


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## pink gal (Feb 27, 2008)

What a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Thank You,

A picture of my beautiful girl.

http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r...raMemorial.jpg


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

Oh, mama, that was so beautiful. Very very moving. It made me cry, and feel warmed. Your strength and love is inspiring. Much love.

I will be thinking of Sierra today too.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

She was beautiful.


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## Graceoc (Mar 26, 2002)

Oh I remember Sierra and think of her as well - we were on a different board together when she was born. My Ainsley is just a few months younger. ((((((Hugs))))) to you....


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

What a beautiful letter... HUGS


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Your sweet Sierra has touched so many lives. I imagine she's saved a few other babies along the way.

-Angela


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

That was absolutely beautiful, and so is Sierra.







s for you today.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

That was so beautiful and I love the gorgeous picture.


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## ShwarmaQueen (Mar 28, 2008)

What a beauiful baby she was. I'm sorry for your loss.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so sorry mama







Sierra is beautiful, thank you for sharing her with us.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

wow, sierra is a beautiful little girl. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing that with us!


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I always love to read your posts. You have a way of sharing your daughter that is so warming and powerful.

Your letter was beautiful and your daughter is stunning.


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## N8'sMom (Jun 25, 2007)

What a sweet and beautiful angel.

So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing. What a touching letter. It made me cry.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)




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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Dear Sierra,

Thank you for bringing so much love and magic to your mommy's life. She loves you so very much.

Dear Sierra's Mom,

A thousand, million, billion warm comforting hugs.


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## amrijane128 (Jan 6, 2007)

She is truly beautiful.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

That was a lovely letter - so beautifully written and so very wise. She was just gorgeous - really beautiful. I am so glad you were able to find and create the rest of the wonderful family you have now. *HUGE hugs* to you and yours - much love. XXX


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chrissy* 
She was beautiful.


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## Babina's Mommy (Dec 27, 2008)

I'm sorry for your loss, and your letter made me cry.


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## ellesmama (Aug 11, 2005)

Just beautiful.







:

Thank you for sharing her story and picture with us.


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## Adensmommy (Mar 14, 2006)

That was beautiful. I am crying for you and for your sweet little angel.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

:


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## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Thank You all. I have been without internet for a few days.

As a family we made a beautiful heart cake with lots of decorations added by the girls, we sang happy birthday and had a little party. earlier that morning my youngest said we would make such a beautiful cake that Sierra would see it and come back to life to live with us again. It is so hard to explain to little ones.

On Sunday (7 years since her death) the kids were with their opposite parents. Matt took me out to get a massage, it was a lovely way to try to relax on a sad day.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

crying with you. sharing your pain.

thanks for sharing her with us.


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## ChesapeakeBorn (Jun 23, 2007)

Your words are poignant and truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Remembering you and your sweet little one today.


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## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

Thank you for that inspiring tribute to your absolutely beautiful daughter. I can't help but look up to you. I crave the healing you've found and I long so deeply to be able to be able to express myself so positively and to do so genuinely about what is probably the most tragic event a mother can experience. I take your words as an encouragement that I will be where you are someday. Thank you for offering me that hope tonight. I'm truely touched.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

I'm crying. Thank you for sharing your beautiful letter. She was lovely. I'm sorry for your loss.


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

Beautiful letter for a beautiful girl.









I'm deeply sorry.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

Sierra


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## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Milkymommi* 
Thank you for that inspiring tribute to your absolutely beautiful daughter. I can't help but look up to you. I crave the healing you've found and I long so deeply to be able to be able to express myself so positively and to do so genuinely about what is probably the most tragic event a mother can experience. I take your words as an encouragement that I will be where you are someday. Thank you for offering me that hope tonight. I'm truely touched.


And you will be mama. The first year after loosing a child should really be measured in minutes and hours, not days and weeks. It is all such a blur of intense and painful emotions, highs and lows, good days and horror. The second year most will find that days are "normal" again, not the same, you will never be the same, but they will begin to be a new sort of normal. As time moves on you will change and grow and know that you are a better person for having that little life grace yours in whatever manner your little one came to you.

I joined a monthly support group for pregnancy and neonatal loss (two of my very closest friends are from that group), I joined an online support group, and I also went to individual counseling for a year and a half. I made people listen to me talk about Sierra, I told them not to be afraid if I cried, but I made them listen to me talk about her. It was all part of my healing. I am sure that many people thought i was crazy, and it became clear who my true friends were. All of that has helped me to reach the place I am at today. I want her, need her, miss her, but I am at peace with the fact that it is not the way life was meant to be for us.

Someday you will reach that place, it is diferent for us all. No one's way of grieving and dealing is "the right way"


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

She's beautiful mama.


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