# OMG I am freaking out, shaking, scared- what would you do in this situation??? *UPDATE in OP*



## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

Deep breath. I am safe now and my husband is home, but I had a seriously weird encounter about an hour ago. Tell me what you would do in this situation. I am FREAKED.

We have a neighbor who is a 45ish year old male, lives with his brother. They are both kind of weird- don't work, keep to themselves, mow the grass, sit out on the lawnchair...the few enounters DH and I have had have been with the one brother who is home all the time- we say hi, I think Dh helped him move something once- he came to our FRONT door 2 times when our cat got out...generally seems nice, but something is definitely OFF. Dh and I have always thought so. We've barely talked to this guy the 2 years we lived here.

Anyway, Dh is working late, I am in the kitchen chopping up garlic, baby is in the highchair, DD is watching Caillou, I get a knock at my kitchen door (not the one we usually use). I look out the curtain, see it is him. Ok, I open the door, but stand in front of it. He says THIS:

Him: "Hi, I am sorry to bother you, but I really hurt my back, I think I threw it out, would you WALK ON IT FOR ME?" (emphasis mine)

Me: (flabbergasted and not knowing what to say, but my intuition is screaming at me) "Um, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Sorry."

Him: "Ok, I'm sorry to bother you-(shakes my hand) I just really hurt it, I can barely walk, I just really want someone to step on it for me and thought I would ask you."

Me: "I'm just not comfortable with that- I hope it feels better." He is just standing there! "I'm sorry- I have dinner going and the baby needs me..."

Him: "Ok, sorry to bother you" (shakes my hand again).

He had this crazed look in his eye, and I couldn't see his left hand. The thoughts that were flying through my head were that he had a gun or a knife...omg I was terrified. As soon as I shut the door DD hugged my leg and cried "I'm scared momma!" The windows in our kitchen are only partially covered by curtains so you can see in them at night- maybe that why he came to that door?

I freaked out and called DH who was on an estimate- he didn't answer his phone, so I figured he was with a customer and left his phone in the car and that he would call me as soon as he saw my crazy texts and voicemails.

A few minutes later I head someone trying to get in the door- the lock was being jiggled. I was so freaking scared!!!! It was DH







His phone was off and he never got my messages- I never in a million years thought he would be home before he called...ahhhhhhhhhhhh

My dad keeps bugging me to get a gun, but I don't know...should DH have a talk with this man? He isn't on the sex offender list, not that that means anything. My momma intuition was SCREAMING at me that something wasn't right, and apparantly so was DD's.

Thoughts??? was this a guy who is just weird and off and doesn't understand what is appropriate and what isn't? Or did he have bad intentions????

***UPDATE***

Talked with elderly neighbor who we know and like, and she basically said she does NOT like the guy, apparantly he has threatened to kill her! He yells at people, call out racial slurs, is a big drinker, and she has caught him looking in her window.







All because she asked him not to park on her side of the street. She was so happy I didn't let him in, and said that his face was probably all red because he was drunk last night.....I am so scared! I mean, this is a GREAT neighborhood! We don'e even lock our doors (until now obviously). I love where I live, and why the hell do I have to find out I live next door to a psycho. I think i want to file somethig with the police just so its on record, but I don't want him to find out...and she also said he knows cops in our town







:

ETA: DH talked with the neighbor right next door, and he said HIS wife was weirded out because he saw this man walking up and down the block right around the same time last night, looking in windows. And my neighbor's aunt went to school with this man and said he was in the special needs classes.

What do I do??? I did look up his address and get his name, and I can't find any dirt on him or his brother. Maybe I should have my cop friend run their plates? Ackkkkkk!

Should I get a home security system? A gun? Move?


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## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

How unnerving!
My guess is that he's just a weird guy who doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not. Your daughter could have sensed your fear and reacted to that.

That being said, go with your instincts and keep your distance. I wouldn't have your dh talk to the guy, though - he didn't do anything wrong. If he keeps doing things like that, then talk to him. But I'm guessing this guy's back was killing him, his brother wasn't home, and he knew you had been kind to him in the past.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

I know you're scared...but my first thought was that the guy DID throw out his back and needed you to walk on it.









I dont know if you've ever hurt your back , but if you have you'll know you'd pretty much do anything to stop the pain, and if he knows "walking on it" would help...maybe he was just desperate and had no one else to ask?

It seems to me that if he had ill intentions he could have come up with something better than *that* to get into your house, yknow?

That being said...it really WAS a strange request, so i dont blame you for being freaked out. But i wouldnt just assume he wanted to come in and hurt you or something yknow?

But yeah....weird. Good for you for going with your gut and saying you wouldnt be comfortable with that....

Katherine


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

I would've been scared out of my mind too. Keep your distance, he didn't do anything wrong but don't give him the chance to either. I'm sorry you and your daughter got so scared, but I'm sure everything will be fine.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jjawm* 
How unnerving!
My guess is that he's just a weird guy who doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not. Your daughter could have sensed your fear and reacted to that.

That being said, go with your instincts and keep your distance. I wouldn't have your dh talk to the guy, though - he didn't do anything wrong. If he keeps doing things like that, then talk to him. But I'm guessing this guy's back was killing him, his brother wasn't home, and he knew you had been kind to him in the past.









:


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## mamatoady (Mar 16, 2004)

I live next door to a single man on one side and a couple on the other side and if either of the men from either house (who I don't know very well) came over at night as wanted to come in for anything, I would totally freak out. My heart is pounding for you. That's just weird...take some freaking advil man--he should have known better...I think he knew you were home alone because if your husband was home he should have asked for him to walk on him.

ugh. make dh carry that phone with him.
sarah


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

i would be scared too. When I was a kid we had a termite control man who was like that...he would ask to use the bathroom, or for a glass of water...the first couple times my mom actually let him in, until she noticed that he never flushed the toilet when he was "using the bathroom." Well, about a month after she called to complain, he got fired and broke into our house on thanksgiving night.

Scary. I WOULD have your dh talk to him, if for no other reason tahtn to let him know you are aware of what is going on. if he is up to no good, he will know that your dh is watching him.


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## TwinsTwicePlusTwo (Dec 7, 2008)

I wouldn't have been very freaked out, honestly. He just sounds like someone who has no idea what's appropriate and poor social skills. I don't think talking to him or having your DH talk to him would be appropriate or necessary.

If you really are worried, maybe you should think about taking some self-defense courses or learning martial arts. Having a gun in the house with small children isn't really safe, and if someone did mean to hurt you it's highly unlikely you would be able to get to the gun fast enough. Actual defense skills are completely safe for your family, and something you never have to worry about being caught without.


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## BaBaBa (Jun 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
Scary. I WOULD have your dh talk to him, if for no other reason tahtn to let him know you are aware of what is going on. if he is up to no good, he will know that your dh is watching him.

Good suggestion!

Scary stuff like this makes you just want to pack up and MOVE!!! But, that isn't really practical







I think you handled it perfectly.
Guns are trouble waiting to happen. Especially if you don't use them regularly.
A nice big dog can be a great deterrent. Doesn't even have to be a 'guard dog' to make people think twice.


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## Dabble (Jun 14, 2007)

*Your instincts are important!* Please don't ignore them! They served you well turning him away when he requested to enter.

I have a distinct feeling that this man had other intentions if he was able to gain entry into your home. Is it possible to bump up the security in your home - extra locks/deadbolts, blinds on the windows so no one can see in?

What is your DH's take on all of this?


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I don't answer the door except to people I know very well. And I have a sign saying that on the door. I know this was your neighbor so you probably thought you could trust him. Eek! How scary!


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

it sounds like it was very scary for you.

I don't freak out very easily and really nothing about that would have alarmed me in anyway. You probably couldn't see his hand because he had it on his back if he did just hurt it. I think you handled it very well though and was smart not to let him in your house. I don't let anyone i don't know very well in my house when I'm alone.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

what did your husband think of the encounter?


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

He thinks the guy is definitely weird, and off. He said though that if he was going to do something, he would have- he could have easily forced his way in. But he is a little freaked too. Neither of us get good vibes from that guy.

There is this other guy who is a single guy that lives above a garage up the road, with his dog- walks everywhere, does odd jobs, cuts our grass. We have talked to him a lot in passing. Hes really nice. Both my husband and I said that if it had been him at the door, we wouldn't have thought twice about letting him in. Even though some people might find him strange. Its all about the intuition I think. Ughhh.


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## Mamafreya (May 13, 2004)

I would have been really weirded out too. Go with your instinct because that is almost 100% accurate in my experience. In every single situation I've had like the one you're describing where I've ignored my gut, it's totally bit me in the ass.

Just the other day I went to the grocery store by myself and I normally park on the side near the back of the store where it's pretty secluded and poorly lit. For some reason I felt weird parking there so I parked in the front of the store where it was very well lit and there were lots of people coming and going. The whole time I was in the store there was this really weird guy (older, greasy and dirty) shopping and he was always in the same section that I was in. When I went to check out he was right there in the other line buying his stuff too. When I left and I was walking to my car I noticed that he was walking behind me and when I got to my car and started to put my groceries in the trunk he slowed way down (almost stopping) and walked by me staring the whole time. I was so freaked out. What would've happened if I'd parked on the side of the store, you know. Ugh.

Anyway, I really think that it was a weird request. I think your neighbor was checking out the situation. You know, would you trust him enough to let him in? How comfortable were you around him, that sort of thing. Make sure that your doors are always locked when you're home alone and it couldn't hurt to have your dh say something to him. It doesn't have to be accusatory either. He could just go over and talk to him and give him the name and number of your chiropractor if you have one. It would maybe show him that your dh knows he was there and he's aware that the guy made you uncomfortable. It might keep your neighbor from doing anything else.


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## SiobhanAoife (Jun 10, 2008)

If you want to be able to tell someone at your door to go away without having to open the door to them, get a chain for your door. That way you can open it far enough to have the conversation without them being able to force their way into the room with you.


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## Mamafreya (May 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SiobhanAoife* 
If you want to be able to tell someone at your door to go away without having to open the door to them, get a chain for your door. That way you can open it far enough to have the conversation without them being able to force their way into the room with you.









Very good idea.


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## Tilia (Nov 18, 2006)

That is very odd and I would have been scared too.

I would get better curtains and only open the door to people you know.


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## Shami (Oct 9, 2007)

I would get better curtains and STRONG chain for the door.

However, I think his can you walk on my back request is so, um, out of the ordinary that it may be the truth. I think if he wanted in to harm you, he would have come up with something ordinary, like, I ran out of sugar, can I borrow some?

Also, you were talking about the nice person who walks their dog and cuts your grass...those are the guys I watch out for. The crazy sociopath serial killers are the guy-next-door-types who look/act "nice".

Creepy. Still go with your gut.


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## funkygranolamama (Aug 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shami* 
I would get better curtains and STRONG chain for the door.

However, I think his can you walk on my back request is so, um, out of the ordinary that it may be the truth. I think if he wanted in to harm you, he would have come up with something ordinary, like, I ran out of sugar, can I borrow some?

Also, you were talking about the nice person who walks their dog and cuts your grass...those are the guys I watch out for. The crazy sociopath serial killers are the guy-next-door-types who look/act "nice".

Creepy. Still go with your gut.

i agree, or "i got locked out and my phone's inside, can i use yours?". it's an odd request, regardless. i also don't open my door for anyone unless i really, really know them. while i think maybe he didn't have bad intentions, i'd also follow gut instinct.

also, my back has gone out before, too, and as bad as that can hurt i'd never think of walking in utter pain to a neighbors house to have an almost complete stranger walk on it.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

I used to walk on my sister's back all the time when it was out. It was the only thing that helped her.









It could have been a perfectly innocuous request, but if your instincts were warning you, it's good you listened to them.


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amila* 
Thoughts??? was this a guy who is just weird and off and doesn't understand what is appropriate and what isn't? Or did he have bad intentions????

Frankly, it doesn't matter. You weren't comfortable with it, you were freaked out, you acted on that feeling, you're safe now. The worst case scenario is his back still hurts and he wonders why the nice neighbor lady wouldn't help him. If you'd let him in, the worst case scenario is a LOT worse.

Glad you're safe.


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## babblingbrook (Dec 6, 2007)

Don't discount your instincts.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mamafreya* 

Anyway, I really think that it was a weird request. I think your neighbor was checking out the situation. You know, would you trust him enough to let him in? How comfortable were you around him, that sort of thing. Make sure that your doors are always locked when you're home alone and it couldn't hurt to have your dh say something to him. It doesn't have to be accusatory either. He could just go over and talk to him and give him the name and number of your chiropractor if you have one. It would maybe show him that your dh knows he was there and he's aware that the guy made you uncomfortable. It might keep your neighbor from doing anything else.

I agree with all of this.


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## Whispers (Feb 18, 2009)

My sister's dh asked me to walk on his back once. I thought it was fairly innocent till he started hitting on me.























Go with your instinct. He made you feel afraid and unsafe, do whatever it takes to secure your home.

Quote:

Frankly, it doesn't matter. You weren't comfortable with it, you were freaked out, you acted on that feeling, you're safe now. The worst case scenario is his back still hurts and he wonders why the nice neighbor lady wouldn't help him. If you'd let him in, the worst case scenario is a LOT worse.








:


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

Updated in OP.


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## DahliaRW (Apr 16, 2005)

I would keep your house locked, draw your blinds at night, and not answer the door when your dh isn't home. Just basic percautions.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

s

i would have been seriously freaked too.

one thought, though... if you already _had_ a gun when this situation occurred, what would you have done differently?
guns in the home can create a false sense of security. think you'd be much safer keeping your doors locked, and getting chains like PP's have suggested, rather than brining a gun into your home.


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## Mamafreya (May 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amila* 

***UPDATE***

Talked with elderly neighbor who we know and like, and she basically said she does NOT like the guy, apparantly he has threatened to kill her! He yells at people, call out racial slurs, is a big drinker, and she has caught him looking in her window.







All because she asked him not to park on her side of the street. She was so happy I didn't let him in, and said that his face was probably all red because he was drunk last night.....I am so scared! I mean, this is a GREAT neighborhood! We don'e even lock our doors (until now obviously). I love where I live, and why the hell do I have to find out I live next door to a psycho. I think i want to file somethig with the police just so its on record, but I don't want him to find out...and she also said he knows cops in our town







:

ETA: DH talked with the neighbor right next door, and he said HIS wife was weirded out because he saw this man walking up and down the block right around the same time last night, looking in windows. And my neighbor's aunt went to school with this man and said he was in the "slow" classes.

What do I do??? I did look up his address and get his name, and I can't find any dirt on him or his brother. Maybe I should have my cop friend run their plates? Ackkkkkk!

Should I get a home security system? A gun? Move?























I think that you should talk to your neighbors and all of you should keep an eye out for this guy. Setup a neighborhood watch type thing. If he's going around looking in people's windows and acting that weird when he's drunk then you all need to be careful. It's weird behavior and not good.
I would exchange phone numbers with the neighbors and then if any of you see him acting weird make a few calls to let everyone know. At least that way you all will be aware that he's out and you'll be able to take precautions. Yuck. Did your neighbor call the police when he threatened to kill her?? If he's threatening her and looking in her windows isn't that harassment? Be careful around him for sure.


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## Attached Mama (Dec 4, 2005)

That does sound freaky! so sorry!
Get a big dog that barks ferociously whenever someone steps foot on your lawn or knocks on the door.







But one that is friendly as can be with your children.


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## gruver (May 31, 2005)

i can't imagine that owning a gun would do anything differently except for having someone end up getting seriously hurt. i think that if he is acting strangely y'all should call the cops on him when his behavior is threatening. it sounds like he has an untreated mental illness of some kind. do they have any other family in the area that a neighbor knows of and can contact?

i'd also like to say that him having been in a "slow class" as you so kindly put it doesn't necessarily mean anything and is frankly pretty insensitive to mothers on here with kids with special needs.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

I'm of 2 minds on this.

1) he could just be a little off and not have boundaries, yet perfectly harmless.

2) he could be really scary and your instincts are dead-on.

When in doubt, go with 2.

I once had a neighbor who was a little off but he gave me Manson vibes. He was a little guy and I had just moved over 1000 miles to avoid a stalker, having taken a year's worth of karate lessons. I figured I could probably take him in a fight if I had to, and I had a _huge_ boyfriend I asked to come over and just let him get a look at to discourage him from talking to me. He scoffed at me and said I was overreacting.

This guy would pop up as I was coming out of my apartment door, out of the laundry room, getting out of my car coming home, show up at the grocery store across the street from the apartment complex...you get the idea. One day I come home from work and his face is on the front page of my newspaper, he's killed one of my neighbors who went inside his apartment for a beer, something he was always asking _me_ to do.

Overreacting my @$$

Trust your instincts. Always.

Make a report with the police just in case, and communicate with a trusted neighbor, maybe make arrangements to keep an eye out for each other. I don't think there is such a thing as being too careful.


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## jeliphish (Jul 18, 2007)

call the police and log this information. They will be appreciative. Don't get a gun unless you would feel comfortable and confident using it. A taser could be a better option.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

Thanks for all the tips, I am thinking of maybe getting some pepper spray as well. And i am sorry about the slow thing- I'm not thinking clearly- I have amended it.


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Devaskyla* 
I used to walk on my sister's back all the time when it was out. It was the only thing that helped her.









It could have been a perfectly innocuous request, but if your instincts were warning you, it's good you listened to them.

But that's SO different when it's your SISTER... not a near stranger - of the opposite gender - whose name you don't even know - who's never been in your house - who came by when your husband isn't home - who didn't even come to your FRONT door. It wasn't as if it was in a public place out in the open where he just encountered her as he was having a sudden attack of back pain.

It wouldn't be appropriate (to me anyway) under good circumstances (male stranger asking you to rub his back), let alone the circumstances the OP described.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

I think he was scoping you out like a pp poster said, to see what he could get away with.

A gun isn't really going to help you unless things get so bad it's clear self defense. You really don't want it to get that bad, right?

So lock your doors all the time. Don't be an easy target. Get motion lights. Close the curtains at night. Network with your neighbors etc...

Prevention is key.

V


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

I have an uncle who has back problems and says it helps when his wife walks on it. It's very strange that he would ask a stranger to do it though...


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

I don't think being "off" is enough to connect the man to potential violence.

I would argue that normal people commit violent crimes more than "off" people.

That being said, listen to your reaction and your child's reaction. Instinct seems to be right in these situations 99.99% of the time.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Violet2* 
*I think he was scoping you out like a pp poster said, to see what he could get away with.
*

This.

Seeing how friendly you were, if you would open your door, and _then if you left it unlocked._

Step 1, step 2, step 3, imo. Some people also appear friendly but feel a little 'off' if you're paying attention because it's _a manipulative sort of friendly_ like it was with my neighbor, designed to trick you into trusting them enough to feel safe being alone with them.


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## maygee (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jjawm* 
How unnerving!
My guess is that he's just a weird guy who doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not. Your daughter could have sensed your fear and reacted to that.

That being said, go with your instincts and keep your distance. I wouldn't have your dh talk to the guy, though - he didn't do anything wrong. If he keeps doing things like that, then talk to him. But I'm guessing this guy's back was killing him, his brother wasn't home, and he knew you had been kind to him in the past.

I agree. You responded perfectly, but how would a gun have helped in this situation, other than escalating it from most likely NOTHING to having a creepy neighbor pissed at you for life and waiting for his chance to "get even." It's not a crime for someone to knock on someone else's door, and maybe in the future just don't open it if you're alone. Seems like the real danger would come from those who don't knock and don't take no for an answer.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Violet2* 
I think he was scoping you out like a pp poster said, to see what he could get away with.

A gun isn't really going to help you unless things get so bad it's clear self defense. You really don't want it to get that bad, right?

So lock your doors all the time. Don't be an easy target. Get motion lights. Close the curtains at night. Network with your neighbors etc...

Prevention is key.

V

ITA with everything above and I would add that you and your neighbors should call the police the next time you catch him "peering into windows". Most places have laws against that sort of thing--and if he is dangerous and not just a harmless old kook, the more documentation already on record, the better.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Instincts are important and I agree you should always be safe rather sorry.

However, if the guy has "appropriateness" problems either due to just being a bit odd or having mental/developmental issues then he could have just been walking up and down the road looking for someone who is home to walk on his back. I have been around people who have uncomfortable boundary issues and most really cannot help it and are constantly confused as to why they are not accepted into society. Unfortunately many fall into alcoholism and isolation because they cannot find a place to fit in society. It is heartbreaking and I always feel torn between my own comfort/safety level and finding ways to reach out to people who seem to have no one. This was someone's baby at some time. Many do not understand that they come off as scary or that their actions can be perceived as hostile or menacing.

While I would take precautions that you probably should have anyway (chain on the door, not opening to people you are not comfortable with, family safety plan, etc....) I would also try not to lose too much sleep over this.....or buy a gun. You set a boundary and made it clear that you would not do anything beyond your comfort level. If he had ill intentions, it sounds as though he could have acted on them if he wanted to. It sounds like he has lived there for a while and other than being strange, he has not really done anything. The threatening of the neighbor would be worrying to me and I guess I would want to know more about it. Was it really threats (as in danger) or is the woman into telling a good story about a guy who does not handle social interactions well?

Of course, take this advice cautiously. My dd let the Schwann's man in while I was on the potty! Despite many a discussion on not opening the door to strangers and the dangers of processed food.....


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamarootoo* 







s

i would have been seriously freaked too.

one thought, though... if you already _had_ a gun when this situation occurred, what would you have done differently?
guns in the home can create a false sense of security. think you'd be much safer keeping your doors locked, and getting chains like PP's have suggested, rather than brining a gun into your home.

Indeed. I got home from work a couple hours early the other day and when I went in, DH was in the shower. I was puttering around, picking up and changing my clothes, getting a snack--that kind of stuff, completely normal. He had _no idea_ that I was home because he did not hear me come in. He heard someone in the front room when he got out of the shower and was about to grab a heavy object to give that intruder a splitting headache. Luckily he saw it was just me. Imagine if we'd had a gun in the house...(something tells me we probably would not have been at Starbucks 30 minutes later sipping lattes)


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

*Trust your instincts*. They are *never* wrong. We have them for a reason, it seems obvious from your post they weren't 'whispering' during this interaction but all out 'yelling' that something is/was off.
It is so upsetting when its happening and afterward too, I know others have said this too but , just keep your gaurd up at all times. Make yourself concious of locking doors, hanging more private window treatments, etc

Some may say I'm too paranoid, but nothing else even comes close to my need and desire to keep my family safe.
Listen to your inner voice, Mama.


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## Dabble (Jun 14, 2007)

oops duplicate post


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## Dabble (Jun 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yooper* 
Of course, take this advice cautiously. My dd let the Schwann's man in while I was on the potty! Despite many a discussion on not opening the door to strangers *and the dangers of processed food.....*









:


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## mamadebug (Dec 28, 2006)

I would totally trust your instincts. Clearly, asking a neighbor you don't really know to walk on your back shows he is lacking boundaries. I think people who lack boundaries in this way can easily escalate, still not recognizing that they are crossing a line, but doing weirder and weirder things. Getting a home alarm may make you feel safer. We got one when we moved into a neighborhood where I didn't feel as safe and my husband was traveling a lot for work. It gave me peace of mind a bit. Also, if he is looking in people's windows, I think that person should file a police report. And, you may want to check with the police department about this guy. Sex offender registries are often out of date, misdemeanor records can be expunged, etc, but if he does cause trouble, they may know who he is - at least that was our experience. Sorry you are dealing with this. It is awful to have that creepy feeling in your own home.


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeliphish* 
call the police and log this information. They will be appreciative. Don't get a gun unless you would feel comfortable and confident using it. A taser could be a better option.

This! Exactly what I was thinking last night when I read the original post. Let the Police know you are very concerned about this person. Have it on record!


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yooper* 
Of course, take this advice cautiously. My dd let the Schwann's man in while I was on the potty! Despite many a discussion on not opening the door to strangers and the dangers of processed food.....


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
I'm of 2 minds on this.

1) he could just be a little off and not have boundaries, yet perfectly harmless.

2) he could be really scary and your instincts are dead-on.

When in doubt, go with 2.

I once had a neighbor who was a little off but he gave me Manson vibes. He was a little guy and I had just moved over 1000 miles to avoid a stalker, having taken a year's worth of karate lessons. I figured I could probably take him in a fight if I had to, and I had a _huge_ boyfriend I asked to come over and just let him get a look at to discourage him from talking to me. He scoffed at me and said I was overreacting.

This guy would pop up as I was coming out of my apartment door, out of the laundry room, getting out of my car coming home, show up at the grocery store across the street from the apartment complex...you get the idea. One day I come home from work and his face is on the front page of my newspaper, he's killed one of my neighbors who went inside his apartment for a beer, something he was always asking _me_ to do.

Overreacting my @$$

Trust your instincts. Always.

Make a report with the police just in case, and communicate with a trusted neighbor, maybe make arrangements to keep an eye out for each other. I don't think there is such a thing as being too careful.

OMG! Our mailman in Southern Cal looked exactly like Charles Manson! I kid you not. The day he rang the bell (we were in an apartment) and showed up at the door to deliver a package.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatWrangler* 
OMG! Our mailman in Southern Cal looked exactly like Charles Manson! I kid you not. The day he rang the bell (we were in an apartment) and showed up at the door to deliver a package.









Total threadjack, but I have a knack for the near miss. On 2 other occasions I have gotten a weird vibe, and found out later the situation I avoided turned out to be very dangerous/deadly for someone else later.

Gift/curse? I have no idea, but it's darned creepy.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jjawm* 
How unnerving!
My guess is that he's just a weird guy who doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not. Your daughter could have sensed your fear and reacted to that.

That being said, go with your instincts and keep your distance. I wouldn't have your dh talk to the guy, though - he didn't do anything wrong. If he keeps doing things like that, then talk to him. But I'm guessing this guy's back was killing him, his brother wasn't home, and he knew you had been kind to him in the past.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *thyra* 









I would've been scared out of my mind too. Keep your distance, he didn't do anything wrong but don't give him the chance to either. I'm sorry you and your daughter got so scared, but I'm sure everything will be fine.









:

I have an elderly disabled neighbor and he's a bit creepy at times, and at other times quite generous, mostly toward my dog, giving her doggie cookies. He seriously believes his dog Isabelle talks to him and tells him to do things, such as, "Isabelle told me the grand dam (my dog, cause she's older) was in need of cookies and she sent me over here to give her a few."







but still a bit creepy. He thought his previous dog talked to him, too.


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
Total threadjack, but I have a knack for the near miss. On 2 other occasions I have gotten a weird vibe, and found out later the situation I avoided turned out to be very dangerous/deadly for someone else later.

Gift/curse? I have no idea, but it's darned creepy.

Wow! That is scary!


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatWrangler* 
Wow! That is scary!

Which is exactly why _I don't think the OP is overreacting_ to someone asking for contact, pushing the issue, and then rattling her doorknob, especially if he's already known to peek inside windows.

A long time ago there was a thread about some of us who seem to have a high incidence of being accosted. I don't know why some of us are 'lucky' that way, but I never scoff at anyone or doubt, since it happens to me, too. I just try to be _very_ aware and teach my dcs to do the same.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
Which is exactly why _I don't think the OP is overreacting_ to someone asking for contact, pushing the issue, and then rattling her doorknob, especially if he's already known to peek inside windows.

It was OP's DH that rattled the doorknob, not the neighbor.

I probably would have let him in and walked on his back. I had a friend who used to need me to do that for him, it was the only thing that helped the pain for him.

I guess I can't imagine getting that freaked out about a neighbor - not a stranger - knocking on the door, making a polite request, taking the refusal politely and shaking my hand and leaving.

Apparently I have a higher risk tolerance than most people on MDC. I used to take the subway alone at 4am in New York, too. Nothing has ever happened to me and I am in my late 40s now. Either I'm very lucky or my instincts are pretty reliable.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TwinsTwicePlusTwo* 
I wouldn't have been very freaked out, honestly. He just sounds like someone who has no idea what's appropriate and poor social skills. I don't think talking to him or having your DH talk to him would be appropriate or necessary.

If you really are worried, maybe you should think about taking some self-defense courses or learning martial arts. Having a gun in the house with small children isn't really safe, and if someone did mean to hurt you it's highly unlikely you would be able to get to the gun fast enough. Actual defense skills are completely safe for your family, and something you never have to worry about being caught without.

Great post.


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## Mamafreya (May 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
It was OP's DH that rattled the doorknob, not the neighbor.

I probably would have let him in and walked on his back. I had a friend who used to need me to do that for him, it was the only thing that helped the pain for him.

I guess I can't imagine getting that freaked out about a neighbor - not a stranger - knocking on the door, making a polite request, taking the refusal politely and shaking my hand and leaving.

Apparently I have a higher risk tolerance than most people on MDC. I used to take the subway alone at 4am in New York, too. Nothing has ever happened to me and I am in my late 40s now. Either I'm very lucky or my instincts are pretty reliable.

But, that is within your comfort zone so for you that would be okay.

Just because something is within your comfort zone doesn't mean that someone else's experience or feeling isn't valid. I think it's great that you've never had anything bad happen to you, that's awesome. I sincerely hope you are never put in a situation where you feel scared for your physical safety because it truly sucks.

OP, something I was thinking about is that a lot of times if someone is going to hurt someone they are going to look for someone who seems to be scared or insecure. The more confident and strong that you come off the better. That has been proven to be a deterrent to rapists and violent offenders. Even if you feel scared or nervous around him don't show it. Try to present a confident and strong front to him whenever you are around him. Also, it is always a good idea if you were physically assaulted to go for the person's throat and eyes first.


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## Whistler (Jan 30, 2009)

The thing that came to mind when I read the OP was that he sounds a little bit like the mentally disabled guys I worked with. They seemed really creepy until I got to know them. But I would still never let one of them into my house even though I DO know them. It's completely inappropriate. I don't let salesmen into my house... heck, I don't even let a guy that goes to my church who came by the pick up a CD in if Hubby isn't here. It is just not something I do. Call me paranoid, but why ask for trouble?


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

So we got a report on file. He won't know about it, but it is documented. I also got better curtains







I talked to my elderly neighbor a bit more, and she really gave me the impression that if nothing else this man is a racist harassing UAV who drinks too much and has a bad temper. Even if that is all it is, I still am glad I didn't let him into my house. Ever since reading "Protecting the Gift" I remember that your instincts are so very important.

Thanks for all of the tips- I will definitely look into a home alarm system and a taser, and at the very least I am going to get some police-strength mace. I mean, I could have that in my kitchen cabinet and not worry about the kids getting ahold of it, plus its there and ready if I need it versus a gun (which I would never keep loaded in a home with children, so whats the point of it anyway?) I just come from a family who hunts and is all about self defense, so they are pressuring me, but I feel like unless it is loaded under your pillow its no use, kwim? UGH I wish I didn't have to deal with this!


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
Apparently I have a higher risk tolerance than most people on MDC. I used to take the subway alone at 4am in New York, too. Nothing has ever happened to me and I am in my late 40s now. Either I'm very lucky or my instincts are pretty reliable.

Your instincts are pretty reliable. Mine are too. But I think there's also another dimension, because things that happen to other people just *don't happen* to me. There's other signs, too, that there's another level to this... my best friend, for example, loves to go shopping with me. Week before Christmas? No problem... the crowds just part for me. It's like I have a different electrical field or something. People don't invade my body buffer zone.

I don't get burgled, robbed, mugged, pickpocketed, or accosted. My car has never even been broken into... my car stereo was stolen one time, but I *did* leave the top off the car and the faceplate on the stereo.... they didn't actually *break* anything (though they did pop out a fuse to disable the alarm, and I had to take the car in to the shop to find out what slot that fuse had come from). My home has never been broken into (since it's been my own; we had some neighborhood teenagers break in a few times when I was a kid). Whatever makes me useful at the mall seems to extend to my property, too.

And I'm terrible about locking my doors. I leave my purse in shopping carts or at the restaurant table while I go to the bathroom.

But that's *me*. My experience is unusual, and if I knew for certain what was different that causes this, I'd sure as heck teach others... because I know that this is not the reality a lot of people experience.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
And I'm terrible about locking my doors. I leave my purse in shopping carts or at the restaurant table while I go to the bathroom.

That's regional for me - I'd leave the purse when in Boston, but wouldn't dream of it in Dublin. That's because I KNOW that in Boston it would not be touched, but in Dublin it would be gone as soon as I turned my head









Actually, the one time anything did happen to me, I had my handbag snatched on the street in broad daylight many years ago in Dublin. That probably influences my handbag behaviour. Never stopped me from walking home in the early hours of the morning though.

I think there is definitely such a thing as a victim mentality that can be picked up on by those with bad intentions.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 

I think there is definitely such a thing as a victim mentality that can be picked up on by those with bad intentions.

I have also read that if you have been a victim of sexual abuse you are more likely to be a victim of another sexual assault, which may explain why I tend to attract those situations.







Apparently they _don't_ pick up on the I _know what you're up to_ vibe I get, or the fact that I am willing to fight back and have sent 1 man right to his knees and another down a flight of stairs who were _unaware_ of this fact.









There is yet another guy who I turned on his heel when I made him aware of a gun I had in my purse after he followed me all through a mall one day and out toward my car, at one point standing right on my heels and breathing on my neck.







: This was when I was being stalked and I was carrying my gun, in _no mood_ for anyone to be invading my space. He followed me from store to store and was very obvious about staying right on my tail. I couldn't find any security people and finally I stuck my hand in my purse, unlocked the safety and just spun around in the parking lot so he could clearly see that I was pointing my hand at him in my purse, planting my feet like I was ready to shoot. He whirled on his heel and went back inside.

Extreme? Maybe. Were his actions appropriate? Definitely not.

I don't think it's so much a victim mentality as a perceived vulnerability or weakness. The difference is, some of us who have been victims in the past are not willing to be victims _again._


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
I have also read that if you have been a victim of sexual abuse you are more likely to be a victim of another sexual assault, which may explain why I tend to attract those situations.







Apparently they _don't_ pick up on the I _know what you're up to_ vibe I get, or the fact that I am willing to fight back and have sent 1 man right to his knees and another down a flight of stairs who were _unaware_ of this fact.









There is yet another guy who I turned on his heel when I made him aware of a gun I had in my purse after he followed me all through a mall one day and out toward my car, at one point standing right on my heels and breathing on my neck.







: This was when I was being stalked and I was carrying my gun, in _no mood_ for anyone to be invading my space. He followed me from store to store and was very obvious about staying right on my tail. I couldn't find any security people and finally I stuck my hand in my purse, unlocked the safety and just spun around in the parking lot so he could clearly see that I was pointing my hand at him in my purse, planting my feet like I was ready to shoot. He whirled on his heel and went back inside.

Extreme? Maybe. Were his actions appropriate? Definitely not.

I don't think it's so much a victim mentality as a perceived vulnerability or weakness. The difference is, some of us who have been victims in the past are not willing to be victims _again._


This post and the one before it are so interesting! I wonder if it's broader than a "vulnerable mentality." I wonder if there are actual physical characteristics. For example, I recall in my teens years, my sister was never picked on. There was just a certain...reaction by guys about her. She hated it b/c she felt a little ignored by them. But I always resented her b/c guys would hit on me and be pretty inappropriate, forcing me to take action and protect myself, KWIM? (Not talking about really bad things here, but everyday things).

Anyways, I've always thought that the difference between the two of us was physical. She takes after my dad and is almost 6 ft tall, very muscular and has an awesome voice. Just talking at normal range for her is considered loud by most people. Her nickname growing up was Xena Warrior Princess lol.

Meanwhile, I am under 5' 5" and during highschool barely tipped the scales at a 100lbs. I also have a weak voice (terrible singer too). To this day, I still have to deal with "being understood." Only my immediate family and my hubby can tell when I am hopping mad. Most people will mistake my anger and/or determination as shyness. I tend to get quiet.

That's what I always wrote it off as...


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
This post and the one before it are so interesting! I wonder if it's broader than a "vulnerable mentality." I wonder if there are actual physical characteristics. For example, I recall in my teens years, my sister was never picked on. There was just a certain...reaction by guys about her. She hated it b/c she felt a little ignored by them. But I always resented her b/c guys would hit on me and be pretty inappropriate, forcing me to take action and protect myself, KWIM? (Not talking about really bad things here, but everyday things).

Anyways, I've always thought that the difference between the two of us was physical. She takes after my dad and is almost 6 ft tall, very muscular and has an awesome voice. Just talking at normal range for her is considered loud by most people. Her nickname growing up was Xena Warrior Princess lol.

Meanwhile, I am under 5' 5" and during highschool barely tipped the scales at a 100lbs. I also have a weak voice (terrible singer too). To this day, I still have to deal with "being understood." Only my immediate family and my hubby can tell when I am hopping mad. Most people will mistake my anger and/or determination as shyness. I tend to get quiet.

That's what I always wrote it off as...

Dunno. FWIW, I was always blonde, _extreme_ hourglass figure even when I was underweight, and I have a wiggle in my walk I cannot control. Believe me, I've tried. I've had male friends _insist_ it looks like I'm coming on to every man who sees me walk, as _if I am somehow saying with my walk it's OK_ to grope me, grab me, accost me, assault me...







: A female friend always said I just had a _come f**k with me look_ about me so I had to take on a _don't f**k with me attitude._









Even a few years ago I had a guy I worked with corner me in the break room and try to kiss me, just out of the blue.







: It never stops. And then guys wonder why they get punched in the nose when they touch me without asking? _Seriously?

_The funniest thing, though, it has happened less since I dyed my hair red. I have a theory that _some_ men still stereotypically think blondes are docile and dumb, but they think redheads are a bit crazy and possibly violent. _I am not about to burst that bubble._









threadjack over, I'm intrigued by where this is going and something else I read yesterday so I'm going to start a thread.


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## Cinthiamom (Mar 11, 2009)

I'm sorry you and your daughter got sooo scared, but I'm pretty sure everything will be fine.


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkygranolamama* 
i agree, or "i got locked out and my phone's inside, can i use yours?". it's an odd request, regardless.

Argh, this happened to me once. It was snowing and freezing outside, dh was a hour away and didn't have his phone on, no immediate neighbors were home (the ones we talk to). I was out with my dog and daughter for a walk. She was maybe 1. I unlocked the door, let the dog in and threw my keys down (I didn't have my cell phone with me) and turned to get dd. That door NEVER closed properly, I usually had to give it a tug, but on that day it was lightly brushed and it slammed shut and locked, keys inside. At least I still had dd with me. Anyways, I went to a bunch of neighbors' houses and no one was home. SO I went to a house around to corner and asked to use a phone. She let me use it (outside) and I called a friend who was of course out of town and we had no family or other friends in the whole area. I'll admit, I didn't know her at all, but geez, it was freezing and I was really hoping she'd let me in. I didn't ask, though. That would have been weird. I think it might have been a nanny or something because I had met the woman who owned the house (who also had a baby). I had a baby with me (who of course pooped in her diaper right after we got locked out) and it was COLD! eek. So we ended up spending a few hours freezing in our garage (at least that was left open). So... that request isn't always wrong! just wanted to add that

Anyways, to the OP, that is scary. I would say definitely use caution. Not sure where I would take it from there, but it sounds like you're already being careful. take care


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## Serenyd (Jan 6, 2008)

I haven't read all of the replies, but here is my take on the situation. You were right to trust your gut. He may be harmless, but he also sounds like he isn't very cued in to what is "socially acceptable" and that could mean inappropriate behavior in other ways as well. I wouldn't want to be alone with a big grown man like that. If he is of below average intelligence "I need you to walk on my back" might have been the only excuse he could think of to get close to you. Creepy. Esp. that he probably doesn't have a lot of outlets for his sexual feelings seeing that he probably doesn't have a g.f./s.o....

I think a chain on the door is a great idea. The whole door knob jigging thing would have made me so upset....
If anything happens again I would call the police right away. I hope it is nothing for your sake but don't let your guard down. A self-defense class might not be a bad idea either


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
Anyways, I've always thought that the difference between the two of us was physical. She takes after my dad and is almost 6 ft tall, very muscular and has an awesome voice. Just talking at normal range for her is considered loud by most people. Her nickname growing up was Xena Warrior Princess lol.

Meanwhile, I am under 5' 5" and during highschool barely tipped the scales at a 100lbs. I also have a weak voice (terrible singer too). To this day, I still have to deal with "being understood." Only my immediate family and my hubby can tell when I am hopping mad. Most people will mistake my anger and/or determination as shyness. I tend to get quiet.

Physically, I'm a lot more like you than your sister: I'm even shorter; I'm a lot heavier than you, but look 20 lbs. lighter than I am; and I'm a terrible singer







, but people react to me a lot more like you describe your sister being treated. (I'm not soft-spoken like you are... but I hardly think that matters when, say, making my way through a crowd.)

I think there is something somewhat innate, or at least heavily subconscious. I've always attributed some of my electric fence to being raised by a victim of sexual abuse (who wasn't aware of her history until I was at least 8... so she just taught me to never let anyone get near me, without even knowing why she was doing it). But there may be some of it that's nature rather than nurture.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
This post and the one before it are so interesting! I wonder if it's broader than a "vulnerable mentality." I wonder if there are actual physical characteristics. For example, I recall in my teens years, my sister was never picked on. There was just a certain...reaction by guys about her. She hated it b/c she felt a little ignored by them. But I always resented her b/c guys would hit on me and be pretty inappropriate, forcing me to take action and protect myself, KWIM? (Not talking about really bad things here, but everyday things).

Anyways, I've always thought that the difference between the two of us was physical. She takes after my dad and is almost 6 ft tall, very muscular and has an awesome voice. Just talking at normal range for her is considered loud by most people. Her nickname growing up was Xena Warrior Princess lol.

Meanwhile, I am under 5' 5" and during highschool barely tipped the scales at a 100lbs. I also have a weak voice (terrible singer too). To this day, I still have to deal with "being understood." Only my immediate family and my hubby can tell when I am hopping mad. Most people will mistake my anger and/or determination as shyness. I tend to get quiet.

That's what I always wrote it off as...

Well, I am 5'2" and very very skinny, so I don't think it's that I am physically intimidating. I AM alert and very much aware of my surrounding.


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

How scary that must have been!

I read your update, but not the other responses. It sounds like he is definitely a strange character, and I think you absolutely did the right thing listening to your instincts!

I don't think you have any reason to contact the police - since all he did was really act strange. He DID leave when you declined his request, so he really didn't do anything against the law. I'd definitely put up shades/blinds in the kitchen and keep the doors locked, but I'd also avoid getting on his bad side too. I think you handled it perfectly - you were polite but stood your ground. Hopefully he will get the message that you would prefer to be left alone.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkygranolamama* 
i agree, or "i got locked out and my phone's inside, can i use yours?". it's an odd request, regardless. i also don't open my door for anyone unless i really, really know them. while i think maybe he didn't have bad intentions, i'd also follow gut instinct.

*also, my back has gone out before, too, and as bad as that can hurt i'd never think of walking in utter pain to a neighbors house to have an almost complete stranger walk on it*.

This was my first thought! When a person throws out their back walking all the way over to the neighbors would be excrutiating.

It sounds like he is not aware of appropriate social interaction.

I second the self defense classes.

I second the chain and better shades. When my fiance is not here I do not answer my door. It is dead bolted and locked. I go to the locked kitchen window, look who it is. If I know the person (friends family) I open the door. If not I just don't answer.


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## skolbut (Feb 18, 2008)

Okay, OP, I have to say GOOD JOB trusting your instincts!!! Around our house we totally believe in going with our gut and it just really makes sense. A couple things I can think to do:
1. get that police report on file (which you did), but also get the name/business card of your local officers and ask them to do some regular patrols in your area... most times they're happy to do a few drive-throughs of a suspicious area.
2. Check into security systems. Ours has an option to arm the doors for "stay" mode so if someone comes in through the door (or my 2yo lets himself out without permission) while we're there it will set it off. We also have a remote that we keep in the bedroom that also has a panic button. Most times they will try to call us before dispatching to avoid false alarms, but the panic button is an immediate dispatch. We can also call them if we're going to be away, me alone with the kids late at night, etc. and have it set to immediate dispatch. After a previous break in attempt where the theives were scared away by the alarm and took NOTHING the police told me that even just an audio alarm without the security system (that you can get at places like radio shack) are often enough of a deterrent, especially if you have neighbors near enough to hear it.
3. Neighbors, neighbors, neighbors. All of you on high alert. Swap phone numbers and have a 'safe signal' that you could turn off in trouble (like always keeping the living room lamp on and if it's off call or come to check on me).
4. I know this is not an option for many people, but I know quite a few mamas whose dh's work late that have dogs for security. If you don't want to invest full time in a dog, you could offer to dogsit for a friend a few times a week... the barking alone can be a deterrent (even if it's a toy poodle, lol). Of course if your lo's have allergies this isn't really an option.
5. Chains and deadbolts on all doors. Post a sign near the doorbell that you won't be answering the door during the hours of _ and_.

BTW, OP, isn't Caillou great when you're trying to make dinner??


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## tree-hugger (Jul 18, 2007)

Never doubt your intuition. If you are afraid, there is probably a very good reason for it. Honor the fear--it exists so that you know you need to take protective actions.

In your story, there is a big red flag. He would not take no for an answer. When you said no, he didn't go away and kept asking. This is a classic pre-incident indicator. I highly recommend two books--The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift.

I second the pp's suggestions of taking self defense classes, a neighborhood watch, and beefing up your home security.

Also, most predators look for an easy target and groom the victim before violence begins. This is probably what he was trying to do.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tree-hugger* 

In your story, there is a big red flag. He would not take no for an answer. When you said no, he didn't go away and kept asking. This is a classic pre-incident indicator. I highly recommend two books--The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift.


That.

And because women are taught to be accommodating, they become victims, _by being_ _nice._

I'm nice to children and animals, and sadly, everyone else is always going to be a little bit suspect.


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## SweetPotato (Apr 29, 2006)

I'm a little surprised here to find myself- generally quite a bit more paranoid/worrying than many people- thinking that the response here seems a bit extreme. I wouldn't have liked the knob jiggling, and I wouldn't have let him in and walked on his back (quite possible would have harldy talked to him before closing and locking the door if I was home alone with kids)-- but I guess it just doesn't sound like something that I would really freak myself out over. Especially given that this person is somewhat special needs, I find it far more likely that he doesn't understand social propiety than that he was consciously "grooming" you for some premeditated future assault. Don't get me wrong- I totally respect our instincts, and I would definitely get some better curtains and perhaps chains to help me if a situation should repeat- but I don't think I'd call the police or dwell on the incident. Havin gmore communication between neighbors is a great idea for helping everyone become more familiar with eachother and more aware in general.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SweetPotato* 
I wouldn't have liked the knob jiggling,

The knob jiggling was her husband arriving home, not the neighbor.


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## LeighB (Jan 17, 2008)

I don't know what I would do in that situation. Get a security system if you can afford it. If not, I've had a police officer friend tell me that the little security system stickers/signs are a deterrent to ppl.
I think being aware of him and having your neighbors aware of him is a good start. what about a neighborhood watch?


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## Mary-Beth (Nov 20, 2001)

If he wanted to hurt you he could have...you opened the door to talk to him, he asked you do do something and he left without incident when you declined. I think you believe something is strange about him and so you are reacting to that more than what actually happened on this particular evening.

Remember that "instinct" is different then fear. Imagining the worse, always looking at what could happen to hurt you, etc. is generally rooted in fear. Only you can really know if it was instinct or fear. I'm not saying this was your fear and not instinct...just pointing out when so many say "listen to your instinct" over and over again. Sometimes you have to really check in with yourself and figure out if its true instinct or something else.


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## mama516/419 (Feb 15, 2009)

I have a comment on the chain -- DH put these metal u looking locks on the door like hotels have becouse his HS friend thats in jail for B&E told him it was so easy to clip chains but the hotel locks take for ever







if you want advice on staying safe ask a criminal . The lock is sold right at Lowes .

I have a friend I grew up with ( my others BFF son ) and he was in a car accident and lost alot during his comma. He can no longer tell when he is " to close" and makes most ppl uncomfortable. His isolation caused hi to gain weight and sometimes be bitter . He is prone to rage couse he can no longer control himself and drinking makes it worse, So while I assume your neighboor is like wise mostly harmless I dont put myself alone with my friend becouse he isnt as much the boy I grew up with.
Also mase is very dangerouse around kids as looks like something fun and is easy to use. The diff between police issue and pepper spray is PI burns skin so it doesnt need to be aimed at the face.


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Amila- You were the one who was there with this guy at your door, so I think your instincts are the ones to trust. If you were scared by this guy, that is really important. Don't open the door for him, install better locks, maybe call the police. I think your dh talking with him is a good idea, just to let him know that your family doesn't want to be messed with.

I also agree with the recommendations to read The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift. DeBecker always says not to doubt your intuition or talk yourself out of your fear- you have fearful reactions to protect yourself and your kids.

A gun in a house with children worries me, though. And there's also the chance that your own gun would be used against you in an assault. I'm really not a gun person, though.


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## cloudswinger (Jan 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama516/419* 
I have a comment on the chain -- DH put these metal u looking locks on the door like hotels have becouse his HS friend thats in jail for B&E told him it was so easy to clip chains but the hotel locks take for ever







if you want advice on staying safe ask a criminal . The lock is sold right at Lowes .

Chains are also easy to kick in. If they're trying to get in, and you have the door open with a chain, it generally won't hold against a good kick if you have a wood framed door. Either don't open the door, or be prepared to defend yourself with some self defense techniques.


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## laurelg (Nov 27, 2007)

Didn't really read the whole thread, but some thoughts on guns coming from the perspective of a gun owner/carrier:

If you are going to introduce a gun to your home/lifestyle, I *strongly* urge you to get some formal training. The NRA offers classes on personal protection both in and out of the home, as well as basic pistol, etc. Check their website to find local offerings.

Guns are tools. Dangerous tools, yes, that must learn to be respected like any other. I could rattle off a long list of items we have in our homes - cleaning supplies, ovens and stovetops, coffee pots, knives - that are also very dangerous. Rather than issuing blanket prohibitions against these items, we take precautions to secure them away from our children and teach our children to respect them.

If you are going to bring a gun into a home with children, it is your responsibility to ensure it is not a threat to them. There are many ways to do this - wearing it on your person where they can't access it without your knowledge, securing it with some kind of locking device or safe (not my first choice for a personal protection firearm), educating your kids when they're old enough... Check out the NRA's Eddie Eagle program for more on safety education.

The point I saw elsewhere in the thread about the usefulness of a gun in the home is a good one - are you willing to carry the gun on your person? If not, it's only going to be useful if you can get to it. That works if you have time to retreat to a bedroom or whatever as someone breaks in, but not if you're caught by surprise.

I advocate that anyone willing and able to undertake the responsibility arm themselves - especially women. Firearms are a great equalizer, and you can learn the skills needed to safely operate one in self-defense in a matter of hours. (Compare that to martial arts, which likely require years of study before an individual is skilled enough to take on a much larger or stronger opponent.) That said, if you are _not_ willing to undertake that responsibility, a shotgun in your closet isn't going to do anything to make you or your family safer.

If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.


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## maygee (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
Your instincts are pretty reliable. Mine are too. But I think there's also another dimension, because things that happen to other people just *don't happen* to me. There's other signs, too, that there's another level to this... my best friend, for example, loves to go shopping with me. Week before Christmas? No problem... the crowds just part for me. It's like I have a different electrical field or something. People don't invade my body buffer zone.

I don't get burgled, robbed, mugged, pickpocketed, or accosted. My car has never even been broken into... my car stereo was stolen one time, but I *did* leave the top off the car and the faceplate on the stereo.... they didn't actually *break* anything (though they did pop out a fuse to disable the alarm, and I had to take the car in to the shop to find out what slot that fuse had come from). My home has never been broken into (since it's been my own; we had some neighborhood teenagers break in a few times when I was a kid). Whatever makes me useful at the mall seems to extend to my property, too.

And I'm terrible about locking my doors. I leave my purse in shopping carts or at the restaurant table while I go to the bathroom.

But that's *me*. My experience is unusual, and if I knew for certain what was different that causes this, I'd sure as heck teach others... because I know that this is not the reality a lot of people experience.

Actually, statistically, your experience is completely generically what is to be expected. Most people don't have their purses stolen, their bodies raped, or their homes burgled, so maybe what you think makes you untouchable, maybe just makes you normal. Seriously, you all have more of a chance of slipping in the shower than being offed by your "off" next door neighbor. I get wanting to "owe" it to some magical electrical field, but I do all those things you mentioned, and I'm not "chosen", just a little lazy.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
Your instincts are pretty reliable. Mine are too. But I think there's also another dimension, because things that happen to other people just *don't happen* to me. There's other signs, too, that there's another level to this... my best friend, for example, loves to go shopping with me. Week before Christmas? No problem... the crowds just part for me. It's like I have a different electrical field or something. People don't invade my body buffer zone.

I don't get burgled, robbed, mugged, pickpocketed, or accosted. My car has never even been broken into... my car stereo was stolen one time, but I *did* leave the top off the car and the faceplate on the stereo.... they didn't actually *break* anything (though they did pop out a fuse to disable the alarm, and I had to take the car in to the shop to find out what slot that fuse had come from). My home has never been broken into (since it's been my own; we had some neighborhood teenagers break in a few times when I was a kid). Whatever makes me useful at the mall seems to extend to my property, too.

And I'm terrible about locking my doors. I leave my purse in shopping carts or at the restaurant table while I go to the bathroom.

But that's *me*. My experience is unusual, and if I knew for certain what was different that causes this, I'd sure as heck teach others... because I know that this is not the reality a lot of people experience.

I believe there are some of us who almost _magnetically_ attract this stuff. I'm a prime example.

So it makes perfect sense to me that you might almost magically _repel_ it.

One of my friends insists people with strong psychic abilities attract this sort of thing. I don't know for sure, I just know I'm slightly more paranoid than the average person because I've had too many bizarre experiences _not_ to be.


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## cloudswinger (Jan 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laurelg* 
I advocate that anyone willing and able to undertake the responsibility arm themselves - especially women. Firearms are a great equalizer, and you can learn the skills needed to safely operate one in self-defense in a matter of hours. (Compare that to martial arts, which likely require years of study before an individual is skilled enough to take on a much larger or stronger opponent.) That said, if you are _not_ willing to undertake that responsibility, a shotgun in your closet isn't going to do anything to make you or your family safer.

I agree about the training needed for guns, I don't agree that martial arts requires years of training. Maybe if you wanted to do one on one combat. But for self defense purposes, a few good techniques and a lot of mental preparedness. It's all about intention and awareness. Make them aware that any ill intentions on their part will be responded to in kind. There is a victim mentality, and predators pick out the "easy" targets. Project confidence and awareness. Like they say in bear chase survival stories, you don't have to be the fastest runner, just faster than the next person.

I also am a martial artist, and do weapons training, and we also say that once either party is armed, that situation is escalated to a life and death situation. Be prepared for that. If you have a gun and it's taken away from you, are you prepared for defending yourself against that? If you have a knife, you need to be prepared to be cut. If you have a stick, be prepared to be hit. If you've never been punched before, it's a shock. If my dd is around, I'd much rather kick and poke and punch than take the chance that a random bullet goes somewhere wrong. And believe me, if that situation ever came up, there's going to be eyeballs rolling! You did good to keep aware and keep him outside.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cloudswinger* 
I agree about the training needed for guns, I don't agree that martial arts requires years of training. Maybe if you wanted to do one on one combat. But for self defense purposes, a few good techniques and a lot of mental preparedness. It's all about intention and awareness. Make them aware that any ill intentions on their part will be responded to in kind. There is a victim mentality, and predators pick out the "easy" targets. Project confidence and awareness. Like they say in bear chase survival stories, you don't have to be the fastest runner, just faster than the next person.

I also am a martial artist, and do weapons training, and we also say that once either party is armed, that situation is escalated to a life and death situation. Be prepared for that. If you have a gun and it's taken away from you, are you prepared for defending yourself against that? If you have a knife, you need to be prepared to be cut. If you have a stick, be prepared to be hit. If you've never been punched before, it's a shock. If my dd is around, I'd much rather kick and poke and punch than take the chance that a random bullet goes somewhere wrong. And believe me, if that situation ever came up, there's going to be eyeballs rolling! You did good to keep aware and keep him outside.

ITA.

And, when push comes to shove, I'd rather go down with a bullet in my back or get off a punch or 2 and possibly leave evidence behind than sit there and make no attempt whatsoever to save myself.

I had only taken a few months worth of martial arts classes when I threw the guy down the stairs who grabbed me. All you need is the survival instinct and practice.


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## treehugginhippie (Nov 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
I believe there are some of us who almost _magnetically_ attract this stuff.

Sounds just like the book/movie concept The Secret.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *treehugginhippie* 
Sounds just like the book/movie concept The Secret.

Far from it, actually.

some other psychic buddies and I have a theory that many of us with abilities have an unconsicous way of of attracting people who would do us harm, but none of us have an explanation for the 'why.'

It's not at all about being the type of people who went through life expecting the world to be scary and then attracting that to ourselves. In fact, not all of us even believe people are capable of doing that.









I do believe there is some sort of aura or vibe we give off, though.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amila* 
he came to our *FRONT* door 2 times when our cat got out

Why was him coming to the front door weird?

As for the situation at hand, being cautious because of a general bad vibe is cool. There's nothing about the particular situation that immediately freaks me out though. Coming to you for help--he's met you before and you're home can't ask someone who isn't there and it'd be even weirder to go to a complete stranger. Strange look--he's in pain and that gives most of us really strange looks. Can't see left hand--any chance it was pressed into his back?


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
I believe there are some of us who almost _magnetically_ attract this stuff. I'm a prime example.

So it makes perfect sense to me that you might almost magically _repel_ it.

One of my friends insists people with strong psychic abilities attract this sort of thing. I don't know for sure, I just know I'm slightly more paranoid than the average person because I've had too many bizarre experiences _not_ to be.

I could not agree more...I am unfortunately the type that seems to draw it closer.
I am also very intuitive...I have predicted some pretty random things.

I have never considered this before


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

that is scary


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## IvyAfire (Sep 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Why was him coming to the front door weird?

I thought maybe people used the back door there like they do here. People almost never knock on your front door here and it still startles me when someone comes to my back door. My PC sits in the corner of the breakfast bar and my back is to the back door so it always bugs me when someone 'sneaks up on me' that way.


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

Apologies is a previous post has already addressed this, but didn't you say that Creepy Dude lives with his brother? His brother may be playing a caregiving role in his life, and a big part of that would be constantly explaining and reinforcing acceptable social behavior. Could you or dh maybe talk to the brother?


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