# Dare I say it...How to keep up your sex life when you co-sleep???



## Nosebite (May 25, 2004)

We live in a small one bedroom apartment. Ds co-sleeps with us...so the only place left to (DTD) (make-love) is the living room. I don't mind that but DH is quite a private person. So, our sex life is not as great as it use to be. What do all the rest of the co-sleepers do...especially if you live in a small...small apartment?







:


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## Pookietooth (Jul 1, 2002)

We used to live in a small 1 bedroom, and also had to have sex in the living room. Usually only after ds was deep asleep, late at night. Now that we have 2 bedrooms, we actually have sex less, mostly because ds is staying up later and I often fall asleep with him and can't sneak out. It doesn't help that my sex drive is still low, but the tiredness is the main problem. Also, dh sleeps in one bedroom and ds and I sleep in another, and somehow, it just makes me feel more separate from dh. So I kind of miss the cramped quarters!


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## luvinmama (Jan 9, 2004)

I was looking for some tips too. We're co-sleeping our 4 month old and our 2 year old joins us in the middle of the night. With a babe in each of our 2 rooms, we don't really have a place for it either. The living room is inbetween the rooms so if ds1 wakes up to come to our bed, we'd be caught. I'm getting my drive back, so we're looking for tips too. There's no kicking either kid out. I won't give up my co-sleeping, but there has to be a way.....







:


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## sophmama (Sep 11, 2004)

We are living in one room right now and will be moving into a one bedroom condo next month. Once dd is asleep we just go over to the couch or put down a soft blanket on the floor. We're really excited about the condo though because we can close the door (leave monitor on) and go out in the living room (close blinds of course) and :LOL turn on lights! We've been 'operating' by nightlight for a while now and I think we'll just be esctatic to be able to close a door and not be as quiet







! Even back when we were in our house with many rooms - I think the living room was our most exciting room! Actually all the sneeking around can make it quite fun! For parents with more than 1 kid - isn't there just as much risk of being walked in on with a toddler no matter where you are - co-sleeping or not - they get up out of bed? I know my 13 mo. has a period of time after falling asleep where I can usually guarantee she'll be out - that's our window of opportunity. Also - when we had company - in our old house - we used the walk in closet off the master bedroom - just put down a soft blanket. Where there's a will there's a way!!!


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

sex life??? what's that? :LOL

seriously, though, if baby's asleep in the bed, well, there's the sofa, kitchen table, floor, bathtub, garage, bed of the truck, stairwell, ...uh.... you get the picture. If you really want to, you'll find somewhere to do it









gosh, don't you remember being a teenager? It's gotta be easier to find places to do IT when you live with a little kid who doesn't have a clue, than it was when you lived with your parents







Make it a fun game to come up with somewhere new and unusual!! :LOL The fear of getting caught is just a little added excitement. It really won't damage your kid to see it every now and then, anyway.


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## mommy2be (Mar 6, 2004)

this is horrible, but we'll occassionally move ds to the couch to have the bed for ourselves!...then of course, move him back later. i dont know how old your babe is, mine is six months. sometimes its actually easier during the day if my ds is in his jumperoo, he'll play contently long enough







haha. seriously though, he'll play alone for a good thirty minutes or so. (thats long enough for us) then again, the ol' living room floor comes in handy. also--could you move to the bedroom floor since your apt. is so small. be sure to wait til your babe is in deep sleep, and of course, keep it down a bit







hth!


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## FillingMyQuiver (Jul 20, 2004)

We are in a very similar situation, one bedroom apt, co-sleeping w/ DS...
Our saving grace is the couch or living room floor. You said your DH is private, but no one said that the curtains had to be open.... I am quite private, but I also recognize that right now in our lives, if we want to have intimacy, I need to get over my insecurities. I







my DH and want the intimacy, so I suck it up and do it in the living room.

When DS was a little babe (6mo and under), before he started crawling and really rolling in his sleep, DH and I would have fun in bed on one side while DS slept on the other, and we have a QUEEN size bed.

You make do. You figure it out so that your relationship with you spouse doesn't suffer and neither does your nightime parenting


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## SirPentor (Sep 15, 2004)

For us, far more than the space issue is the time issue. By the time both the kids are in bed at night, one or both of us is asleep. So even though the couch is a good idea in theory, it just doesn't happen.


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## sleepless-in-texas (Dec 1, 2004)

Energy? Where do you find the energy? My dd will be 1 on Dec 30 and my drive never came back. Not to mention I wasn't quite reassembled the same way I used to be.
hmmm...







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## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

Ladies, Sex isn't only for night time and isn't only for the bedroom.

We live on a boat, it doesn't get much smaller than that... and we manage to find the time and place. Other bedroom, floor, whatever. Afternoon naps, after I nurse him to sleep, whatever.
You can do it!


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

Ha! Ask anyone how they conceive more than one child









You say your dh is a 'private' person. If you mean he prefers to do it in bed - put the baby on the floor; he won't know as long as he's warm and cosy. You sometimes have to juggle your family's needs, which means dh as well as ds. And you, of course! Be inventive and see if you can tempt him. My Dh is much less conservative now with 3 children than when I first met him









This article sums it up
The Secret to Sex in the House


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## Nosebite (May 25, 2004)

I seemed to have an issue about moving our son to the living room...but it looks as if that might work. (TEE HEE HEE)







Our son is 7 months old. Right when he falls asleep, around 8ish, is the best time. He seems to be in his deepest sleeping state, where nothing will stir him. (not even the house is a' rockin')


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sleepless-in-texas*
Energy? Where do you find the energy? My dd will be 1 on Dec 30 and my drive never came back. Not to mention I wasn't quite reassembled the same way I used to be.
hmmm...







:

Give it a little more time. As the nursing decreases the sex really does come back. I didn't think mine would EVER come back, but it did in the second half of the second year.


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## nichole (Feb 9, 2004)

from the article:

"We won't talk about those family bed people who, if they have no sex life, have no one to blame but themselves."


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

rowan goes in his crib for the first part of the evening, then we take him into our bed once we go to bed ourselves. sooo...when he's in his crib, we have every other place in the house to ourselves (well, and our dogs...who are very creepy when they watch us. ew.)...that being said, i have no drive so it doesn't come up often anyway. LOL


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

oops yeah I forgot about the family bed prejudice in the article







! Just thinking about places other than bed is true though!


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## carolsly (Oct 5, 2004)

When we first moved into our house in Ketchikan our oldest dd was 3ish. She would not sleep in her own room (we were ready for this..) and she slept in our room in a toddler bed. We used her room! I have great ears so I knew when she was getting up. We conceived her sister in her room..I'll be sure to share that with her when she becomes a mother herself


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## KSD (Apr 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FillingMyQuiver* 

When DS was a little babe (6mo and under), before he started crawling and really rolling in his sleep, DH and I would have fun in bed on one side while DS slept on the other, and we have a QUEEN size bed.

You make do. You figure it out so that your relationship with you spouse doesn't suffer and neither does your nighttime parenting









I am glad that someone said it straight out. I was weirded out by the thought of DD in the bed, just in general. The opportunity







presented it's self today, and when she didn't wake up I was relived and relaxed about Co-Sleeping and having time for intimacy. My DW is a smart woman and knows that sometimes I just need to see it to believe it.


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## KSD (Apr 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SirPentor* 
For us, far more than the space issue is the time issue. By the time both the kids are in bed at night, one or both of us is asleep. So even though the couch is a good idea in theory, it just doesn't happen.

This seems odd, my DW and I have a pretty good sex life, and I know that if I or she plans to make it happen it will happen. Sometimes it just takes planning and perhaps a bit of creativity. We have an understanding about our needs and expressing it, so either of us is free to wake the other and let those needs be known.


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## starflower1 (Oct 15, 2007)

what if you are cosleeping and living communally? My DH and I are currently sharing a house with my sister and soon will be moving in with my parents (who share a house wth my aunt, uncle, and teenage cousin.) It is a great arrangement: I can afford to stay home with DD and we will have lots of help, but NO privacy! We will be sharing a bedroom with DD and the rest of the house will be shared. Are we doomed? I really want to make it work!


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starflower1* 
what if you are cosleeping and living communally? My DH and I are currently sharing a house with my sister and soon will be moving in with my parents (who share a house wth my aunt, uncle, and teenage cousin.) It is a great arrangement: I can afford to stay home with DD and we will have lots of help, but NO privacy! We will be sharing a bedroom with DD and the rest of the house will be shared. Are we doomed? I really want to make it work!

In July, we will be moving into a communal house. We will have two rooms, but they are connected by a door. Now we won't be able to sneak into the living room, because its one thing if your kid sees you dtd but what about your housemates!!!!

suggestions from anyone btdt?


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## starflower1 (Oct 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tbone_kneegrabber* 
In July, we will be moving into a communal house. We will have two rooms, but they are connected by a door. Now we won't be able to sneak into the living room, because its one thing if your kid sees you dtd but what about your housemates!!!!

suggestions from anyone btdt?

EXACTLY! And if your housmates also happen to be your parents?!?!?!?


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## blueridgewoman (Nov 19, 2001)

We DTD with dd in the bed with us- she falls asleep incredibly hard and can sleep through anything. She's only 7 months and this will of course change, but for right now, I don't see much wrong with it.

I read something the other day about how approximately 75% of the world cosleeps and many of those children occasionally see their parents being intimate either accidentally or just as a part of family life. It just doesn't seem to be a very big deal to me right now. I respect dd's right to NOT see her parents being intimate, but for right now, it works for us.


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## starflower1 (Oct 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blueridgewoman* 

I read something the other day about how approximately 75% of the world cosleeps and many of those children occasionally see their parents being intimate either accidentally or just as a part of family life. It just doesn't seem to be a very big deal to me right now. I respect dd's right to NOT see her parents being intimate, but for right now, it works for us.

Do you know where you read that? I would be interested in reading it! Thanks!


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## hipmummy (May 25, 2007)

I am the poster child for how a healthy sex life does NOT work with co-sleeping.

Dh slept on the sofa for a year and now has his own bed. We have had sex a total of three times since ds has been born.

We did have a couple of odd circumstances: I had a weird sore on my bottom from sitting to much. Ds was a non stop nurser and Mama never sat more than 20 minutes before ds.

Dh had a gall bladder removal around the time I could finally hop on the horse.

Then when we could I realized because of hormones: my orgasm was broken until AF returned,was just a few months ago.

OH and the biggest reason is usually when we get started, ds AKA "CAPTAIN ABSTINENCE" wakes up!!!


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## durafemina (Feb 11, 2004)

yup, dd is in bed with us while we do it. There are tons of places in the world where families live all in one room/bed. Heck, how many generations has it been since this was the norm everywhere? Not many!
If dd (7 months) wakes up I just nurse her back to sleep. No big deal, then we carry on.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *durafemina* 
yup, dd is in bed with us while we do it. There are tons of places in the world where families live all in one room/bed. Heck, how many generations has it been since this was the norm everywhere? Not many!
If dd (7 months) wakes up I just nurse her back to sleep. No big deal, then we carry on.









: Except I've got a 12.5 mo. For some reason our couch is hard to get comfortable on.

And so far, she's too little to leave sleeping on the bed and sneak a shower in. Hmm, maybe when she gets older, if she'll sleep thru turning te water on.







: But yeah, it's definitely easy to roll over and nurse her down, and still snuggle w/DH.


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## blueridgewoman (Nov 19, 2001)

I'll try to find where I read that.







Hopefully I can! It actually may have been Mothering.









The more I think of it, the LESS a big deal it is to me that dd is in the bed while we are intimate.

I keep thinking of that scene in Dances with Wolves where the Native American couple are getting cozy with either Kevin Costner's character or Stands with a Fist in their teepee along with their kids.


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## Hippie Mama in MI (Jan 15, 2008)

Couch sex is great, as is bathroom counter sex, office chair sex, backyard against a tree sex (assuming the yard is private enough), etc.

We are animals I guess. We've even DTD in on the front seat of our big old Buick (while DS snoozed happily in back). In our own driveway, of course! But we don't rule other locations out.

When my DH and I lived with my parents, we could NOT have sex in the house with them. The house was dead quiet all the time, and the floors and bed squeaked so loud there was no hiding our activities, KWIM? Most of the time we'd throw sleeping bags in our GMC Jimmy and park in the woods somewhere...

...Although I must admit, when my FIL noticed footprints on the inside ceiling of the passenger compartment of the Jimmy, it was mighty hard to explain away...


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stafl* 
sex life??? what's that? :LOL

seriously, though, if baby's asleep in the bed, well, there's the sofa, kitchen table, floor, bathtub, garage, bed of the truck, stairwell, ...uh.... you get the picture. If you really want to, you'll find somewhere to do it









gosh, don't you remember being a teenager?

But for those with no garage, kitchen table, truck bed or stairwell, what are they to do?

Actually, for me, I cannot have sex anywhere but the bed, cause it's just too uncomfortable.

And I don't want to have sex anyhow.

For those who want to, where there's a will, there's a way.


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## Erinz (Mar 1, 2006)

HA! PP beat me to it, I was reading through thinking _nobody has mentioned the car yet?!_







Man that is one of our "fun" places. Our son falls asleep easily in the carseat, so it's almost a waste to not take advantage of a darkened parked car after a drive home from dinner or a friend's house







:

Our son is in his own twin right next to us and we most often DTD when he is first asleep, but more because we are both tired and ready for bed ourselves but want some lovin' before we head off to sleep land. (I find I sleep much better after an O). Also, sometimes one or the other wakes in the middle of the night and a no-talking quickie can be fun and pretty bonding too.

Just as pp mentioned, it is a "developed" country phenomenon of families not sharing sleep. How do you think our distant ancestors kept the species going?! And they didn't have cars! HAHA!!


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## MichaelsSahm (May 11, 2006)

We've had sex just about anywhere, even in our FIL's walk in closet when we stayed there during our summer vacation. ROFL!


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## KSD (Apr 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SirPentor* 
For us, far more than the space issue is the time issue. By the time both the kids are in bed at night, one or both of us is asleep. So even though the couch is a good idea in theory, it just doesn't happen.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *sahmnlovingit* 
We've had sex just about anywhere, even in our FIL's walk in closet when we stayed there during our summer vacation. ROFL!


I think that everyone should think back to their first time, second time, and where did we DTD then? How many times was it in a Car, Grassy Field, Class Room? Just take the TIME to make the TIME. If nothing else keep the fires hot with a little bit of touch and go, or just a quicky now and then.

I personally think those who find it hard to have sex after a child, co-sleepers or not, just aren't taking the time or making the effort. If you want it, tell your partner and go all out for it. DTD to DTD.


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## zensven42 (Oct 26, 2006)

I agree with some of the PP. We just do it wherever; living room, kitchen, stairwell, closet, bathroom, car, outside
and often in the bedroom with the little ones sleeping. Sometimes I have even had the baby wake up and nurse during the act. My kids know what sex is and prolly wouldn't think anything of it if they did notice, but we don't purposely do it in front of them when they are awake. Really when it comes down to it, if you want it, you will find a way. If you just want to be private and can't find anywhere else at the time, try the bathroom and run the shower to help cover the noise if you make any.


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## aikigypsy (Jun 17, 2007)

We also live communally, with another couple (old friends of my DH) in a small 3-bedroom apartment. Our place is a bit of a social hub for the rest of their friends, so it can get quite crowded in the evenings. Before we moved in here, we were living with various parents for a few months.

DD (now almost 6 months old) usually takes a nap in the morning. On the weekend, I can wake DH up once she's dozed off (she naps in her car seat) and although he misses his morning sleep, there are things he'd rather do







. When our housemates are away for the weekend, we can use the couch in the afternoons. When we were living with my parents it was actually pretty good. I would suggest that if they were going for a walk, they could take the baby along, and then we'd have the house to ourselves for half an hour or more. At my MIL's house, it didn't work so well, but was still possible.

Weeknight evenings are impossible, though. Not enough energy to go around, and too much of a crowd in the apartment.


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## peightonmom (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hipmummy* 
OH and the biggest reason is usually when we get started, ds AKA "CAPTAIN ABSTINENCE" wakes up!!!





Ha ha! Too funny.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

I forgot to add:

When I was young, and hormonal, I wanted sex.

Once I hit my mid-20's, I wasn't so interested in having sex.

After having my babes, it seems a new attitude has arisen.

Sex is for making babies. (my own thinking for my own self)

I have two babies, all I want right now, so I have no use for sex anymore.

Whew. If only I could get away with never having sex ever again.

But there is always the needy husband, and I suppose one of these days he'll be really wanting the sex again. Sigh. And I guess I'll someday give in and let him have some.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I used to put dd to sleep in another location if her dad wanted to have sex in the bed. She didn't care as long as I was with her. If you have a crib mattress in storage somewhere then pull it out and put it in the living room for times when you want to stick to the bedroom. Once you have had your fun you can bring her back into the room.


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## mamavanholmes (Jul 1, 2007)

we also DTD with dd in the bed with us, some times on the floor in the living room w/her on the couch and sometimes she is on the couch while we are in the bed. she is 10 mos now and quite restless when she sleeps so i am sure things are going to change and dh and i will adapt, we have to...we must! the only thing that i know is we must keep our intimacy a priority, not 1st or 2nd but in the top 5 for sure. we feel that co-sleeping and our sex life are equally important to our family.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tbone_kneegrabber* 
In July, we will be moving into a communal house. We will have two rooms, but they are connected by a door. Now we won't be able to sneak into the living room, because its one thing if your kid sees you dtd but what about your housemates!!!!

suggestions from anyone btdt?

Haven't been there, but with other people in the house, couldn't you ask someone to hold the baby for awhile while you go and have some "couple time"? We DON"T live communally and still dropped DS off at a friends house last Friday so we could.









And for those who don't like the floor, have you tried a pull out sofa? (ie. sofabed) Futons are also comfy.

And I totally agree with the pps who suggested afternoon naptime and how speical it is to dtd in the bed after so long!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

this post is kind of old but the last one made me laugh me and my SO live with my best friend she sleeps upstairs in the loft.. so we cant really use the lr since her bedroom over looks it but she does watch DS while we dtd.. lol.

pp mentioned something about kids seeing parents atleast once or something... i agree this has got to be true i know i walked i on mine atleast twice that i remember.. and both times i was like hmm whoops and walked out.. no biggie. now that i think about it i wonder why it never bothered me i feel like i should have been more embarassed


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## FREEmom1120 (Feb 23, 2008)

I remember in my sociology class it talked about in other cultures kids growing up were not so traumatized when they experienced sex because they had already been around it in their lives (family beds being common). I don't know if that's true or not.

My problem is not where the baby is sleeping. It's "where the hell is my sex drive!?"


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## prokopesha (Jun 6, 2008)

Our son is 13 months now and from the beginning we never had any problems in our sex life. We lived in several apartments in the passed year, different size though. A tiny 1 bedroom was one of them. Somehow it always worked out. I breastfeed at night as well. We never even tried doing it at the beginning of the night, but whenever I'm fully awake after I feed the baby, this is the time. I hope not to sound like some sort of pervert, but being so tired, we never actually thought about doing it anywhere else but the bed. Today that he is bigger, the king size bed is a nice solution: we get to have our privacy and he gets his sleep.


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## GradysMom (Jan 7, 2007)

tiredness aside- we(read I) try to get around to it atleast once every three weeks...
that being said are small apt expereince led us to use our bed... only if ds was sound asleep on his own matttress, side car crib.
We have also used the floor in another room (no sofa). Not a favorite option.
Now we have a second bed again, new home and things are looking up since we are ttc.

May I sugest just cuddling up on a favorit quilt together on your bedroom floor if you aren't comfortable with proximity.... or perhaps making some attempts to makeyou living room feel more private.

Things inevitably seem to be different for everyone once DC arrives


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## onesofar (Jun 18, 2007)

As someone mentioned earlier, we have been known to DTD when ds is sleeping on one side of the bed, and we quietly use the other







: It's kind of reminiscent of when we were first together and trying to keep quiet from roommates, etc.







I was happy to see that we don't seem to be the only ones using that technique! I think as most other people have mentioned, creativity starts to play a role when you have children, and would like more!!


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## go0ber (May 26, 2008)

this is how we do it.

ds nurses to sleep on pillow on couch
i carefully move ds with pillow in tow, onto a towel on the floor. (i used to be able to just put him & the pillow into the corner of the couch but now that he is moving around a lot more it's not safe. this way if he rolls off the pillow he will just end up on the floor.)
i sneak off to bedroom
dh and i get it on on the bed

it works for us and ds only takes a few very short naps in the day. 30 minutes tops. so we have to be quick but it's better than nothing. today we were getting it on. ds woke up on the pillow and started whimpering a bit. i called out to him "i love you! we are right here! mommy will come get you in a bit!" when we were done i went out into the other room and he had rolled off the pillow onto his tummy and fell back asleep. haha wtf. he stays asleep on his tummy for a looooooot longer than if he is sleeping on his back, a new thing for him, but that's another story.

eta: we have sex a few times a week. like 3-4 probably. ds is 4 months old.


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