# How much socialization does a 3 year old need?



## Zach'smom (Nov 5, 2004)

I need some advice. I have a very social 3 year old. He is involved in some Y classes. One day he has an hour of gymanastics without me and another day we have over 2 hours of art class and play group. I babysit for another 3 year old for about 6 hours a day, but she has some delays and is at about an 18 month level. I also care for her 3 older sibs before school and after school for a couple hours. They don't play with my son much, but he does interact with them. We also have the occasional playdate with some friends kids. He seems happy , but I'm worried he need more time playing with kids his own age. He is an only child.

How much does your 3 year old play ewith other kids? Any thoughts from anyone would be so appreciated!!!!!


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

If you were on a prairie a 100 years ago your child would have only the family for his socialization. Guess what people grow up with out playing with other kids and are just fine!!!! Now, this might make you insane but I do not believe children (esspecially that young) need to be "socialized" in groups.

Esspcially at that age they need to have adults to socialize with. Three year olds do not know how to behave and socialize with out an adult model.

http://homeschool.priswell.com/pachy.htm

This does not mean you don't let him play but it means DON'T DEVALUE THE SOCIALIZATION YOU GIVE HIM!!

I homeschool my children and I have had this arguement so many times. Don't fall into the myths of socialization. Don't forget their are many types of socialization than being in a group of same age kids (which when he grows up won't happen). I would not worry about is he "socialized" enough. I would keep him in other activities for other reasons.


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## cmb123 (Dec 30, 2004)

Sounds like your guy is getting LOTS of socialization! I think it's wonderful he gets to be around so many different ages of kids, and children of different abilities.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

Just so you have another point of reference. I also have a very friendly/social three year old who is an only child. His social calendar, if you will, is as follows:

1 standing playdate w/ another 3 yo every Tuesday for 2 hours
2 days of pre-school Tuesday and Thursday from 12:30 to 3:00 pm
Trips to the playground at least twice a week, weather permitting
1 trip to the library story hour every other week

That's it. Otherwise it's just my husband and I or our nanny. Only the first 2 are formal social situations. The rest are just picking up playtime. Sometimes there are lots of kids, other times none. Sometimes there are kids his age, other times there are none. I too sometimes wonder if it's enough (compared to your schedule he hardly has any!!) but I figure this fall he will be in Pre-K. That will get him socialized fast!


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## nicholas_mom (Apr 23, 2004)

Here is an example.....

My ds is 20 months old and so far he's been with just us with occasional family interaction of cousins.

He plays alot with us by pushing a truck or ball towards us and we push it back. My ds is very social. Smiles and babbles to anybody about his toy truck. He also pushes a truck towards other children (so far 2 and 3 year olds) expecting them to push it back. You know what happens....they take the darn truck and play by themselves !!!!!!









I think you are doing fine and would not worry about it.


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## Dodo (Apr 10, 2002)

My dd is hyper-social. She played with eight different kids last week, which is exactly her speed.

I don't think that there's any hard-and-fast rule. It's just a question of what works for your child. I say this because lately I've been noticing an anti-playdate sentiment on this board, which really doesn't resonate with me or my little socialite.


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## Denny (Feb 3, 2004)

I don't like to put pressure on myself or my DS to find people to hang out with, we go with the flow and things happen. A week for us looks like this. One day meet another Mum and her DD who is around the same age at a play area, next day we go to the library after Tot Gym (in the same Rec Cecter), The 2 of us take a walk where we usually talk to someone in the park, we catch a bus and sky train down town or the quay and watch tugboats, I meet another mum and her new baby usually for a walk and a coffee and another day it is perfectly clear that we just want to stay indoors and play....I have just registered for a parent and pre-school class just for fun.

I don't think there is any fast rule on having people around your child, just like there is no fast rule how many adults should hang around and adult. I am a SAHM with an only and we just get out there and have adventures. We get to chat to all sorts of people, esspecially the elderly who show great delight shooting the breeze with my 2 1/2 year old ~ all this is great for him, and me!

Denny


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## Zach'smom (Nov 5, 2004)

Thanks everyone! I just want to make sure that he is happy and knows how to play with other kids! We live in a suburban neighborhood where 99% of the moms work and the kids are at daycare and then everyone's weekends are so hectic. So we don't have that many little friends in the neighborhood that he is able to play with on a regular basis. Especially now that it is freezing and snowy. It seems like everyone is hibernating!

I just miss the days before play dates! When I was a kid my Mom just tossed us out the door after breakfast and we roamed dthe neighborhood and rang the doorbells of the kids that were not out yet! You knew it was lunch when you heard your Mom yelling for you out the door. Those days sure are over!


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dodo*
I don't think that there's any hard-and-fast rule. It's just a question of what works for your child. I say this because lately I've been noticing an anti-playdate sentiment on this board, which really doesn't resonate with me or my little socialite.

I think why there is a anti-playdate sentiment is because their is such a push by schools that you have to have a certain type of socialization. Socialization is not just a group of 10 kids. Socialization is interaction between people. Socialization does not necessarily mean structure advents.

I see nothing wrong with play dates but then again this type of socialization is required to grow into a healthy person. Think about it this way what if your little socialite was force to only go on 1-2 play dates a week to grow into a happy healthy person.


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## Zach'smom (Nov 5, 2004)

Maybe socialization was the wrong word. I agree that kids need to interact with all kinds of people. How much time do kids need to just play with other kids during the toddler/preschool years? I see that some kids get a lot. But do some kids get none? Will that effect them when they go to school?

The reason I take my DS to the YMCA is that the Wisconsin winters are long, cold and boring. The YMCA has a huge indoor play structure to climb, jump and slide on and the class offers fun activities and other kids to play with. I want him to have more then just me to play with while the other kids are at school.


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## jensoko (Jan 29, 2002)

Maybe *variety in socialization* is closer to something that contributes to a well-rounded kid. Kids seem to do best in general when they're presented with a variety of social situations - interaction with adults, lots of other kids, or just one or two other kids, or by themselves. I know with DS (3), I tend to value the playgroups more than he does sometimes. To be honest, though, I'm suspecting that it might be time for us to stop going to our weekly playgroup for awhile because my kid seems to be the one that not only wants to act rambunctious (running around and yelling), but he starts it, then the other kids get into it, and not all the mothers in the playgroup are at the same comfort level with the preschoolers running around in circles. The younger kids want to join in, and the older kids don't tend to be careful about knocking them down.

So I think we are going to bow out of playgroup for awhile and focus on physical activities in some place where they're not going to interfere with smaller kids, and where he can't become a ringleader to behavior the rest of the group frowns upon.

So we, too, will be hitting the Y so that he can get out some of this cabin fever he's got.


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## Music-mommy (Jan 8, 2005)

I just took an amazing course with Gordon Neufeld, he's a psychologist who talks about attachment, his book "Hold on to your kids" is fantastic.

Anyhow, someone asked him this very question in the class and he said about 3 hours /week is sufficient. The most important relationship at this age is the parent child relationship, and that interaction with other kids at this age is really not that essential. He also says that "socialization" for toddlers is highly overrated and that children under the age of 6 can really not handle "free play" ie. unsupervised play. That it is actually detrimental to their development.

Sounds like your little one is getting lots of interaction so I wouldn't worry about doing any more.


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## ~Quse~ (Aug 8, 2004)

I'm struggling with this as well except my dd is 2 and not very social, especially in play groups. I've been feeling like I NEED to get dd used to interacting with groups of children, but I'm beginning to question this.

I currently attend a playgroup once a week that's 30 min. away. Dd spends most of the time on my lap. It brings back memories of my childhood in preschool and how shy and insecure being thrown into a large group of children made me. My social skills in this area didn't improve until late high school.

I myself miss the interaction I had with my college friends. I wish I had close girlfriends around here to hangout with. The moms at my playgroup are great, but it's hard to get to know anyone when one eye is always on the children. I would appreciate the playgroup more if it was just a "Mother's Night Out" group.

I also wouldn't mind more "one on one" playdates where dd and I had a chance to get to know one or two families of children at a time. I've found it hard to develop this kind of relationship. Making friends is a whole other thing now that I have a child. Plus, almost all of the AP moms I know live at least 30 minutes away which is discouraging. I do have a friend close by but she has both her kids in preschool now and is working part-time so our schedules never match up.


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