# My brother and wife lost the baby



## Lindsay1234 (Dec 19, 2005)

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## Dabble (Jun 14, 2007)

Oh my gosh, that story is just heartbreaking. How can they be so callous about the loss of their child? Is that their way of insulating themselves against the pain? I guess I can't wrap my brain around someone being that cruel.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, and my heart just aches for that poor baby. My prayers are with that tiny, innocent soul.


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## AmyKT (Aug 20, 2009)

Oh, that is horrifying. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry for this poor little lost one and for any future children who will have to try to live up to their standards of perfection.


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## ShineliketheSon (Aug 20, 2008)




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## LisaGoodlett (Sep 27, 2009)

.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .....................


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

OMG. I can't even comprehend that level of insensitivity. I am so sorry for your loss, even if they aren't...


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
OMG. I can't even comprehend that level of insensitivity. I am so sorry for your loss, even if they aren't...










I can't really think of any "nice" response towards your brother and SIL... their reaction just boggles my mind... so I'll just agree with the above.

I'm sorry that the baby obviously isn't surrounded by love from his/her parents right now, so I'm sending lots and lots of love and light to that sweet little baby and I pray that his/her journey home, wherever or whatever that may be, is peaceful. & I am so sorry for your loss and for the negativity that you're dealing with surrounding this situation ... Sending you lots of peace and healing as well.








for this sweet little baby.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

I couldn't read this and not respond. I will be praying for your little niece or nephew, I'm so sorry.


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## Lindsay1234 (Dec 19, 2005)

Thank you guys so much. This baby is lucky to have each and every one of you thinking about him or her.


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## Milk8shake (Aug 6, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lindsay1234* 
I suggested the great names that they had picked for the baby originally but they want to save them for the "perfect" baby.
















I think that perfection, is in the eye of the beholder...
I'm glad that feel compassion for your poor niece or nephew, even if you bro and SIL don't. What a horrible situation for you to be in.


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## bodhitree (May 12, 2008)

Lindsay, that made me cry! As you know, my DD also came equipped with some "imperfections," but our daughters are worthy, complete, and wonderful as they are. As is your tiny niece or nephew. I will light a candle for that sweet little baby.


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## michanders4 (Jul 24, 2008)

Ugh Lindsay I'm so sorry. This upsets me - I can only imagine how it must be making you feel.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Everyone grieves differently. I've known good people who saved a name they wanted to use for a baby who was going to live. I've known good people who said things I found shocking in grief. It is possible that she is using very dark humor to cope. It would be terribly difficult to hear those things but I just cannot judge a woman in her place.

I am so sorry about the death of your nephew.


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## Lindsay1234 (Dec 19, 2005)

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## Lindsay1234 (Dec 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bodhitree* 
Lindsay, that made me cry! As you know, my DD also came equipped with some "imperfections," but our daughters are worthy, complete, and wonderful as they are. As is your tiny niece or nephew. I will light a candle for that sweet little baby.









bodhi







Isnt it funny how the imperfections make them stronger? We KNOW Sophia can take ont he world because she has already taken on so much BECAUSE of her imperfections!


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

oh my goodness, i'm just dumstruck at their reaction. i don't know what to say. i can only imagine how hard it is for you hearing this. i know everyone grieves differently but calling your baby a 'retard' just doesn't strike me as grief.

i will be praying for that sweet little baby.


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## Tenk (Oct 6, 2006)

This struck me very hard yesterday as well and I wanted to find you this morning and post. I also spoke to DH last night about it.

With DD3, at 20 weeks the blood tests they do revealed that she had a 1/24 chance of some severe problems, we went throught the 7 stages of grief right then and for weeks were devistated, then at 38 weeks she passed away and we had to go thru them all over again, we still don't know if anything was wrong with her tho. And the reason for telling my story is, everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and while you might not see it because their so far away, maybe this is the onlly way they can get thru it. I'm not defending them at all and their behavior, it breaks my heart to hear that, but it really might be the only way they can deal with how badly they are hurting.
I personally wouldn't "save" the name they were going to use, because that name belongs to that baby no matter how sad they are. I just wish you didn't have to be on the receiving end of all this mama, and I hope your grieving is peaceful for your neice or nephew.

I'm so sorry sweet baby, I think lots of us have little ones in heaven that can keep you company while you wait for your mommy and daddy and no matter how things are going now, I'm sure they love you as do we all.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Sending so much love to your precious little nephew or niece. Godspeed to your new home little one.


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## bodhitree (May 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lindsay1234* 
bodhi







Isnt it funny how the imperfections make them stronger? We KNOW Sophia can take ont he world because she has already taken on so much BECAUSE of her imperfections!

Yep, watch out, world, do NOT get in little Sophia's way!









I think what you say is true of babies with medical challenges, but it's also true in a broader sense of all of us too. Our imperfections, our challenges, our difficulties are what make us strong. So I will try to hold your brother and SIL in compassion too as they go through this difficult experience, even if they're not reacting in the way it seems like they "should" be.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

What a sad situation for all involved.


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## ShineliketheSon (Aug 20, 2008)

baby Ley


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## laurelg (Nov 27, 2007)

I think that... some people, maybe, don't really understand the kind of love and light a child brings into your life until they have their own full-term baby. That's not to diminish the experiences of any first-time mothers in this forum, by any means - it just means you're more in touch than some. Than me, even. I didn't feel particularly bonded to DD until well after her birth - I was more intrigued and fascinated by her than anything. I don't know how I would have reacted to a loss - I don't know that it would have been that real to me. I think I know how I would react _now_, though.

For those of us who understand that love - even if we didn't get it in the past - it's hard to understand the kind of disconnect or distance your brother and SIL are projecting. I hope, for them and for you, that this is just a coping mechanism and not a reflection of their true character.

Thank you for sharing their baby's story. I will remember.


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## Lindsay1234 (Dec 19, 2005)

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