# do you curse around your child?



## spicyrock (Apr 11, 2009)

i've been thinking a lot about censorship and profanity as it relates to my child, lately, and i thought i would ask you guys a couple of questions. do you use profanity in front of your children? are your kids restricted in how they may speak? what about pre-verbal children- how do you speak in front of them? what are your reasons for the choices you make?

like i said, this is just something that has been on my mind. full disclosure: i must admit that i have a potty mouth. my daughter is not four months old yet, but i do not always succeed in self-editing around her.


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

i don't curse, but dp does. like crazy, he does! and he definitely does it around the baby, who is one now and listening and learning! i don't really care. i figure if she decides to curse, i'll either ignore it or help her attain a more effective vocabulary.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

I have a horrible potty mouth! I curse like a sailor and don't realise half the time!

So far DS1 (who is almost 4yo) will use the odd curse word, but I explain to him that they're grown up words and not very nice grown up words and he can use them when he grows up. He accepts this and doesn't swear very often.

Don't know about DS2 yet, cos he's not talking, but I hope he's as good as DS1!


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

Yep, I swear a lot. Hasn't been a problem.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Yeah, I curse around the little ones, so does DH. DS is too young to care and DD knows that not everyone likes it, not every conversation needs it, and that using a swear every other word is not a good idea.

The only rule we have regarding swearing is "only justifiable cussing allowed". And yeah, DD has a few choice phases of her own for when she needs them.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

Quote:

I have a horrible potty mouth! I curse like a sailor and don't realise half the time!
Me too.


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## bright-midnight (Mar 26, 2007)

I try my best to not say curse words in front of my daughter, or any other kids for that matter. My DH doesn't censor himself as much as I do, but we're both working on it. I don't want my daughter saying those words. I don't think it's cute or funny (not saying any of you do!) when kids say inappropriate words, and they're just something I don't want her saying.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

I don't cuss, dh doesn't cus. Pre children we didn't cus either. If others cuss around our children and they are going to be in our presence for more than a minute or so we say something. Dh is especially verbal about asking others (people we know and strangers) not to cuss around our kids if we begin to hear it. I find cussing in a majority of scenerios to be pretty tacky honestly. That being said, my very best pal cusses like a pirate. She censors around my kiddos but not for a single second when it's just her and I. I grew up with her cussing up storms so I guess I'm used to it from her.

Generally I don't care if people I'm closely aquainted with cuss when my kids aren't around (as long as it isn't every other word like they have no vocabulary) but, if it's a public place or a person whom I don't know well I think its horribly distastful. I fully understand some people could care less and I've heard all the arguements about how they are words just like any other words BUT, I think what I think and thats not going to change. I'm pretty colorful so it's sort of surprising that cussing never really caught on with me honestly. Strange.

When I hear kids (especially small children) cussing I can't help but have this grimace plastered across my face. If it keeps up and they are old enough to realize what they are saying I'll actually speak up and say something to them whether their parents are present or not.

I think we've all cussed. No biggie. BUT, I don't think a practice should be made of it in public matters (or around children in general). In life I'm fairly liberal but I'm sort of old school when it comes to this issue.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Yes I curse. I am not too fussed about words. It is never _at_ a person - if anything matters about using such words, I think its that - for me at least. I don't mind saying 'ah f**k!' when something doens't go my way or 'S**T!' when I stub my toe on the door. But I would never curse at someone - thats more than just a word iykwim. If one can just as eaisly say 'oh poppies!' when something doesn't go their way or 'ahh fiddlesticks!' when they stub their toe on the door...it says to me that words are just words. You can even replace such words when using it at a person in a negative way - I don't do that either though because it _means_ something different. The words I happen to use in other situations just happen to be 'curse' words.


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## TwinsTwicePlusTwo (Dec 7, 2008)

I swear a lot. So do my kids (especially the 9yos, they picked up a certain phrase from my unedited Die Hard movies







). I don't believe in censorship. Period. I'm extreme on this because I was censored in every way imaginable as a child. My kids can read, watch, and say whatever the f*** they want! I consider myself a perfect example of what censorship and repression accomplishes (I'm the exact opposite of what my parents wanted me to be, and don't speak to my parents). Not saying anyone on this forum would take censorship to the extreme my family did, though.









I do teach the kids what the words mean and what situations they're appropriate for, though. I've honestly had very few problems with them being potty-mouthed (the words aren't forbidden, and thus have little allure). I also don't think I've been embarrassed by my kids anymore than the average parent.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

DH and I do not curse around each other or around our kids. Not because of religious or moral issues -- we are not particularly conservative in other areas -- but because we find the public use of language that is offensive to many/most to be a mild act of violence. If someone swears at me, I wince like I've been hit and I've never had a relationship that has really survived something like that. If someone is swearing in the space I'm in, it makes me uncomfortable and I will want to leave or ask them to stop. Don't want my kids around it, no, because I don't want them picking up the habit.

We try to cultivate a positive attitude that makes allowances for difficult situations and tries to find the bright side of them, reducing the occasion for cursing, too -- ie, no swearing because I broke something or in my car at the driver who cut me off. I might remark to my children that "I guess he has somewhere he needs to get to fast! Hope he can get there safely"

My dd and I discuss "curse" words and potentially offensive language as it comes up in books we read together or movies we see. And we do read/watch some adult material with her. (She is actually even more conservative about it than I am and has requested that I stop my occasional use of the word "crap", for example.) I try to avoid putting my sons in situations where they will be exposed to curse words at all...would rather wait till they are older, because once they start asking questions, I will give them open and complete answers.

I sometimes still use the word "crap" under my breath, though







But mostly it is even milder euphamisms, if anything. Crumbs! Fudge! etc.


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## Mama2Jesse (Jan 5, 2009)

Oh, gosh. We are both trying so hard to clean it up!

I mostly don't want him to toddle up to his sweet 92 year old great grandma and shock the living daylights out of her. Things like that. He's just a baby now and we are making headway.

Thinking of starting a swear jar, every swear in child's presence/earshot and the offender puts a dollar of their fun money into his savings account. But then maybe we'd feel guilty for not swearing? A paradox.


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

I swear a lot but under my breath around my children. Unfortunately, you can hear our next door neighbour swearing at her kids on a daily basis (you can even here her smack her kids through the walls as well).

I don't believe in censorship etc but I would prefer my children to learn the nice words before the naughty words lol.


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## Calidris (Apr 17, 2004)

I cuss on occasion. DD hears it and repeats it sometimes. I remind her that some words (like some behaviours) are OK in certain company but not to be used in others (and sometimes we run through which people she can say what with).

She is 5 and I don't think she has ever really messed it up.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

I swear a lot, my DH rarely swears. Growing up I was allowed to use any words, phrases I heard my mother say. . .but I never heard her drop the f word until I was older and I never really heard her call anyone a name (other than my father after the divorce). I tried to be good about not swearing, even saying "sugars" as my swear word when DD was little. . .now, I've given that up and swear when the need arises. My children are old enough that I've explained "Adult" words to them. I've also explained that some words are just never appropriate in certain situations or around certain people (elderly, around other kids, around their grandparents, etc. . .). I've been lucky that my children don't use most of my more colorful words, I have heard them say crap. . .like these treats are crap for our bodies and I've had to explain that it isn't too nice to say this around others (like at a party).


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## madsommer (Aug 22, 2008)

I don't curse and I have gotten DH to be more careful about his words. I don't think it's appropriate for children to hear or say those kinds of things. My own parents never cursed around us as kids and it was never acceptable. As a result - I don't and I'm proud of it. DH's parents have no problem with it, but I've told them that I don't like it. I won't tolerate that kind of language around my children. To each his own. I just don't think curse words are very intelligent. We have hundreds of thousands of words in the English language to effectively convey a thought and the curse words just sound base IMO.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

It's nice when kids learn curse words after their impulse control is a bit better developed.









I get tired of hearing boring word ruts (like people that drop f***ing between every word). I enjoy some of ds's more creative utterances. He is very much a quoter and picks up words easily and makes them his own. He is very attracted to insults, for some reason. I was very glad we didn't curse around him when he was younger (dh did a little bit). The whole "just explain that it isn't appropriate" approach wouldn't have worked when he was younger because he isn't a people pleasing or compliant kid.


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## AVeryGoodYear (Mar 31, 2009)

We curse, but we're trying to stop. By "trying" I mean that every once in awhile one of us will realize the other is swearing and say something about it  Fortunately our daughter's only 10 weeks, so we have a bit more time to work on it.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

I hate cursing. I hate hearing it and rarely use it myself...but there are occasions when I am so mad - and my language gets out of control (in that case, it might be around my child and I hate that). I think that a curse word can be appropriate in a particular circumstance - showing extreme emotion. So we don't curse around our little one because we just try not to curse in general. For me, I really think its because i grew up in a violent and angry household - cursing was always AT someone and was usually name-calling. I get that people can curse without attacking a person, but I also just want to be a more positive person...and curse words are so negative, I want my children to grow up in a peaceful, positive home.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Neither DH or I do. Well, I do lose it some times to DH but hopefully I will totally eradicate it b4 my 4 y/o picks up on it. I used to have crazy potty mouth, like Sopranos level, but stopped it for my children's sake. Growing up, my father cursed around us and although we children weren't supposed to, of course we eventually did b/c of his example. My DH comes from a mellow family and he never uses profane language, mainly, I believe, b/c he rarely heard it. I don't even like people to use words like butt or crap around my kids. I've replaced my swears w/ things like fudge, or bizarre ones like "nutty fudgekins!" which tend to mentally crack me up and take away the frustration I'm feeling at the time.

At the risk of being flamed, I think profanity makes you look uneducated and low class, certainly things I don't wish for my children. And I say this as a reformed f* bomb dropper.


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## sweetjasmine (Sep 17, 2008)

I never heard my parents using any swear words whatsoever growing up until I was a teen and my mother was so angry at my brother once that she used the word "damn." Horrific, I know.









At age 11 and 12 my friends and I cursed like little sailors because it was fun. When we moved the habit fell away. As an adult I only did now and then whenever I heard it alot, depending on who my friends were. I never swore around my daughter until she was a teen and only then whenever I was very frustrated or angry. My current hubby swears alot and that's gotten me to do the same again although I won't swear around people that I know don't like it.

Hubby cusses in front of his kids which I don't like. Among adults I don't have a problem with it (except in the few cases where some people insert the f bomb around every other word in a normal conversation as if they have an extremely limited vocabulary







) but I don't understand adults who use those words around children. I don't buy the argument that they are "just" words. Words have meaning, for good or for bad, and they can sting or they can uplift.

I don't cuss around my daughter or around my grandkids and hubby doesn't either. I've never had to tell him not to, luckily he just realizes that it's inappropriate around certain people or in certain situations.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

I swear ferociously.







So (unfortunately) does my six year old dd...

At least she uses it in the correct context?


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## ErikaG (Nov 12, 2005)

I don't. Neither does my DH, though he used to swear up a storm before we had kids.

As a child, I hated my mother's rules about language use-"Shut up" was off limits as was swearing. Her explanation for that-"save the strong language for the moments when you really need strong language, and it will mean a lot more when you do use it." As an adult, I've embraced that, because I've seen how true it really is. As with most things, there's a time and a place for "colorful language" and I know that when I let loose with a colorful turn of phrase, my husband knows I mean it.


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## dharmama (Dec 29, 2002)

this is definitely something i am working on. i swear way too much.

my kids are turning 3 and turning 5 and my older has definitely uttered some choice words at really awkward times.

i'm always like...omg. where on earth did she learn that?


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## Agatha_Ann (Apr 5, 2009)

I sometimes say crap, but other than that I don't swear at all. My DH does, but not in front of the children. When my oldest was 5 he told me he knows what the worst word is... "dang damn it"







DD won't believe me that dang isn't a bad word, she is convinced!

My kids say "tarter sauce" and "barnacles" for emphasis like sponge bob


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## angelamariebee (Jun 20, 2008)

Well DH IS a sailor, if that tells you anything. I curse on occasion as well. I'm really trying to watch it though because DD (almost 3yo) is starting to repeat things. Usually out of confusion, she just wants to know what this strange word means that she's never heard. She'll say it once and I tell her it's a bad word and she doesn't repeat it again. The only thing that "caught on" for awhile was, when she would hear a strange noise she'd say, "What the hell is that?" I have to admit, that one was rather amusing. I think the only reason it caught on at all is because people would always laugh when she said it. I just kept reminding her, "We say 'What's that?' remember?" and she stopped saying it. Also I refused to explain the noise if she asked that way. Even if she starts to say it now, she'll catch herself before she does, but I rarely hear her say it anymore.

So, I don't really mind if people use a few swear words around DD or if a movie/song has a couple in them. There is definietly a line, although I'm not sure exactly how far is too far. I just know it when I hear it and I will speak up if I do.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

We do. We do refrain from the really bad stuff though. Our 7 year old knows what words are "grown up" words and that he shouldn't say. He'll say something once in a great while, like pissed off or something but nothing much.

Our 2 year old has quite the mouth though so we're really watching what we're saying right now.


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## PhoenixMommaToTwo (Feb 22, 2006)

DH and I swear quite a lot (actually, I think I'm worse than him) and ds has reapeated me on quite a few occasions, he's only 3 and unless he's using it against us or his sister, I don't sweat it. DD doesn't use the words at all, suprisingly. But she's very genteel and I don't think it's ever really occured to her to use them.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

I spell out words when I am hot about something but now that DD is turning 1 I am stopping spelling. I am afraid she might one day drop something and say "Oh, s * i t"


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

i curse occasionally.. as in every time I stub my toe the f word slips out. My son says "oh my gooooodness!!!!" because that what I USUALLY say - but just not what slips out when im in sudden unexpected pain.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom* 
I enjoy some of ds's more creative utterances. He is very much a quoter and picks up words easily and makes them his own.

I find the insults my dd makes up pretty entertaining as well. She loves to jokingly call people silly things then bursts into laughter at her word creations.

Her current favorite name calling insult at the moment is to call someone a "Turbo Tax" for some odd reason. We don't even use turbo tax actually... but, maybe she thought calling someone an H&R Block would just be weird?? When I'm talking to my best pal (her adopted auntie) on the phone she will ask to talk to her then yell, "you're a turbo tax!" into the phone and laugh hesterically. She doesn't mean it to hurt people of course. She just loves making people laugh and apparently calling someone a turbo tax does the trick.

when something disapointing happens she will often say, "oohhhh maaaaaannnnnnn". Much more plesant than the cussing alternative.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spicyrock* 
do you use profanity in front of your children? are your kids restricted in how they may speak? what about pre-verbal children- how do you speak in front of them? what are your reasons for the choices you make?

I use profanity, and the only restrictions I have on the language my kids can use is that it not be misogynist, homophobic, or racist (but of course, I don't use words that are, either). I like cuss words -- sometimes, they are the best way to express whatever it is I'm feeling, and I don't see why my children shouldn't have the same freedoms I have to use the words that are fitting to them.

FWIW, my daughter is 6.5 and has been cussing (contextually) for damn near as long as she could talk. She's had absolutely no issues using forbidden words at school, and has no problem NOT using them around people who have expressed discomfort with those words. I know those situations seem to fuel a lot of parents' desires to keep their kids from using cuss words in the first place, so I think it's important to offer up that info when talking about this subject.


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## Gentle~Mommy :) (Apr 21, 2009)

I curse in my head.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

my son also says "oh noooooooooo! not againnnnnnn!" with a huge smile on his face when something doesnt go as planned. I wish I could have the same attitude when I stubbed my toe hehe


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## sweetpea333 (Jul 2, 2005)

I swear sometimes, my 3 and 4 year old will say "bad word" to remind me tho..


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TwinsTwicePlusTwo* 
I don't believe in censorship. Period. I'm extreme on this because I was censored in every way imaginable as a child. My kids can read, watch, and say whatever the f*** they want!

I couldn't agree more, though I wasn't censored as a child (especially not with regards to viewing/listening/reading . . . I censored myself as far as language went). I saw so many kids from restrictive homes growing up and rebelling in the most ridiculous, dangerous, and simply embarrassing ways, and I was really glad to avoid that myself. I expect my kids to avoid it, as well.


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## La Sombra (Sep 27, 2007)

The place I'm coming from with swearing is having grown up with a carpenter father to whom the f-word was sprinkled in conversations like other people use "well." So swearing was never a big deal to me growing up (not that I swore myself as a kid--I didn't swear in front of my parents until I was in my 20s!), and in fact there are some scenarios (a lot?) where I just feel like a well-placed swear-word is the only way to express a certain sentiment!









That said, I really try not to swear in front of dd, and so does dh. I will never forget a time we in my car and in a moment of road rage, I blurted out the f-word...which my dd (then about 18 months?) repeated back clear as day! I was mortified. She is talking a ton now, so we really have to watch what we say.

I wonder if, as she gets older and can understand the concept of 'these words are not to be used in polite company,' we will relax a little on this, but I don't know.


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## Triciabn (Nov 6, 2005)

I love to cuss... I really do.
My kids hear me cuss... and they know that "it sounds ugly on kids"...so they don't...well on occasion I have heard one say to another..."don't sit around and bitch about it...just get moving".....or the very rare:" you are really pissing me off"....or "don't be a jackass"... but honestly that is about once a year I hear someone cuss... and I normally don't even say anything about it.
My grandmother has mentioned that I should watch my language because the kids could pick it up...I looked at her like she was speaking a foreign language! They are around me all day everyday...if they were going to follow in my footsteps it would have happened a llllllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnngg time ago!


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

We do some in front of the kids, but try to limit the major stuff. I know that DS knows all the "bad" words - he got in trouble at daycare for repeating the f word that an older kid had said (he had no idea what it was/meant) and then asked me quite seriously to tell him all the words so he wouldn't make that mistake again. Thus entailed a fairly lengthy and involved discussion! He knows that some words are generally adult words and avoids them. I have a friend who's policy is that her kids can say whatever they want as long as they use it in correct context. I'm good with that as well to be honest. We always joked that our children will grow up knowing how to curse fluently but correctly as least!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TwinsTwicePlusTwo* 
So do my kids (especially the 9yos, they picked up a certain phrase from my unedited Die Hard movies







).

I've never been able to say the phrase yippie-ki-yay without the finisher from that movie ever since I saw it....

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madsommer*
We have hundreds of thousands of words in the English language to effectively convey a thought and the curse words just sound base IMO.

Ah, but what if you're cursing in another language besides English?


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

We're both bad for it. I've been more diligent about watching my mouth. It's tough though, but DH and I doing fairly well.

If DS ever uses the words, we'll just have to make sure he understands that we shouldn't say those words, and that mommy/daddy are trying hard not to as well.


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

my now two year olds first word was s***. I restrain myself better now


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## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

I tell my son, words themselves are never bad -- it's how you use them that makes them bad.

I grew up with parents who were non-native English speakers, which gave me a different perspective growing up. If I swore in English, nobody blinked. If I swore in Spanish, LOOK OUT!


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## Qbear'smama (Jul 15, 2008)

I love swearing and used to do it a lot around DD but then she started dropping F-bombs at 18 months old at family gatherings and at her caregiver's so DH and I stopped, which was hard. Now she is the language police and reprimands us when we say stupid, idiot or shut up (the two former are for other drivers, latter is for the dog who likes to bark a lot, we don't verbally abuse each other, I swear!) but I drew the line when she tried to stop me from saying hideous. When she's a little older I am sure we'll talk about context and who can say what when, but to hear my kid dropping f-bombs (out of frustration, in the correct context, at least...







) was rather shocking for me. Now I swear my a** off at work







!!!


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## mrs*kewpie*pie (Mar 1, 2009)

i think parents fall into about 3 camps

those who were conservative in their speech to begin with
those who clean it up when kids come along
and those who continue to use "strong language" even after they have kids

my husband never cursed too much and i cleaned it up

i am prone to the occaisional shit or damn but i really try to watch it

my sister has continued to curse and it has caught up to her, her 4 year old has picked it up too

while i believe people have a right to use language in a way that works for them i do think its tacky to use a steady stream of cursing in a family oriented area....its all about discretion


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## soccermama (Jul 2, 2008)

I have on occassion - caught myself and apologized. It's been more like the D and S words...never the F or MF words.


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## ainh (Jul 27, 2006)

We naturally swear less now that we have kids. But I don't censor our friends, since none of them have kids (nor plan to). Yesterday we were at a picnic with all our climbing buddies and I saw them all trying to change their language so I stopped everyone and said "seriously everyone, no worries about swearing in front of the kids". Everyone looked relieved, and interestingly no one really swore after that. Funny. One person said "shut up" in the context of a story they were repeating and DS1 did start saying that and giggling. I was glad that I didn't force our friends to change and find that most people are naturally inclined to swear less in front of children.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

occasionally I use words they are not allowed to use. I apologize to them when I do. also when they accidently say somehting thwey are not supposed it is a small correction. little more than correcting grammer. (how ever if they were to say something vulgar and hateful i don't care what words they use it will be a big a deal)


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Learning_Mum* 
I have a horrible potty mouth! I curse like a sailor and don't realise half the time!!









:

Thats ME


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boatbaby* 
I tell my son, words themselves are never bad -- it's how you use them that makes them bad.

I agree with this.

I'd much rather my son yell SH*T! than tell someone to shut up but shut up isn't considered a curse word, so lots of people don't freak out about it. I don't mind swearing at all as long as it's not *at* someone. Disrespecting people is not okay, even if it's in polite language.


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## melijack1 (Nov 18, 2008)

My favorite word is damn. It's a damn fine word. DS has dropped it a time or two. STBXH's favorite word is the F bomb, and DS has never said it because he's seen me scold his daddy for it so he figures he better not try it.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

we both swear a lot. the kids have picked up on it, but don't swear a huge amount. i tell them not in front of grandma & try not to do it while we're out.

my dad swore growing up, but my mom got mad at us whenever we did. she *still* tries to correct my language if i say something she doesn't like. i think i swear so much because she tried so hard to restrict my language.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I swear sometimes - generally not at people, though, or about them, not at work, not in fine establishments... etc.

It's not too much of a big deal to me... I want all the words to be available to my son, but I hope in the long run he doesn't choose to use the same 6 profane ones over and over.







I'm sort of assuming we'll go through some stage with it at some point, but I have faith that he'll learn the social norms too.

However I will say that he did watch some YouTube that was a little inappropriate (his cousin was showing him some Lego movies and one of them had bad language; we were in the room but didn't get there in time to stop it and might not have cared enough to anyway). This has resulted in him trying to figure out why "bench" is such a bad word.

Ahem.


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## LaLaLaLa (Oct 29, 2007)

When I was growing up, my parents never once used a swear word, not even the milder ones. I didn't even know some swear words until high school.

Their philosophy was that there are some words that should be saved for emphasis. I totally agree. DH and I also don't swear; we really never have, even before we had kids. I went through a phase of swearing in college, but decided it didn't work for me and quit. I don't miss it; I don't need those words to express myself right now.

If I ever dropped an f-bomb, DH would know that something was seriously wrong. I like knowing I have that ace up my sleeve, to use if I need it, although it's unlikely I ever would use it.

DH likes video games and for awhile was playing Grand Theft Auto, which I don't mind at all. Even though I don't swear, I don't have an issue listening to others, especially in the context of a game or movie, or reading it in a book. After several nights playing this game, one night there was something wrong with DH's controller, so he got irritated and said "what the F.CK?" I just stared at him, shocked. After he took a second, he looked shocked at himself, too. It's an easy habit to slip into.

I'd prefer at this point not to have my kids exposed to swearing right now, although I'm not militant about it and will not forbid them from swearing when they are older. They are 3 and 4 and don't have the ability right now to understand that they way they speak to certain people can affect how they are treated. I don't want to equip them with language that is going to hurt them when they use it out in the world.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I swear tons. It's no problem here. I have a 5.5 year old and an almost 1 year old. Babe is too young, obviously, and my bigger girl knows about 'grown up' words and doesn't say them (well with some rare but hilarious 'blips' to that rule







).


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

I honestly think there are a lot worse things we can teach our children to say than a few "curse words". DD taught a friend the word ass. . .because at the time we were going to church and reading the Bible. She latched on to the word and went through a phase of telling everyone that an ass is a donkey. OMG, this friend's mother got sooooo angry and never liked my DD again after this. However, I must admit that it drove me so crazy that this child "hated" everything. Seriously, she said "I hate. . ." a million times a day. It really made me cringe. . .I can't stand it when children say this so many time. I seriously am way better when I hear a child say a swear word than I am with that. Another couple of things I hate when children say it is "Stupid" or "Shut up". . .perhaps we should talk about these things when we are talking about the language we use around our children.


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## karemore (Oct 7, 2008)

I'm not reading through the replies.

We don't swear in front of our daughter and we don't allow others to. We'd remove ourselves from a situation if people we didn't know were swearing around us.

Honestly, we don't have friends or relatives who swear in company. I'm sure we all do when we're alone and someone cuts us off in traffic, or the guys do when the women and children aren't around, but it's not really very classy or intelligent to use profanity.


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## Catubodua (Apr 21, 2008)

i have a (i think) funny story about this.

a friend's husband is the worst with dropping f-bombs. i mean, seriously, it's every other word out of his mouth.

their kids have been taught that you can't use words like retarded or stupid.

he was going on and on one night.... "this f-ing guy was trying to cross right the f- in front of me while i was waiting to turn. i thought f- this! i'm not letting that f-er do that. f- him! how f-ing stupid does he think i am!?"

their son, aged 6, said, "dad, we don't call people stupid" with this very disciplinarian type tone. dad told him he was sorry he used that word, then proceeded to go off again "f-er thought he was going to..."

i almost fell on the floor!


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

Uh, no, never! I have no idea where DS picked up "dammit."









When DS was little I thought I didn't care much about this particular issue, but I have to say that I don't like hearing curse words coming from his mouth. The only way to stop it is to not model it, so DH and I are trying to stop.

I do not, however, freak out if others do it in his presence. It's just too much, to try to control the rest of the world.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

I have to admit that I'm a little offended when people say swearing is just unimaginative or uncreative or that people who swear are unintelligent. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person and I swear. There are places I definitely wouldn't swear and I try not to be rude about it, but I don't see how saying "D*mn" or "f*ck" when I drop something on my foot makes me an unintelligent person who doesn't have a wide vocabulary. Just because these words are included in my vocabulary doesn't mean I don't know other words.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Nope. I don't want my children saying them so I don't say them. DH does occassionally (damn).


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

DH and I have been sort of shocked with ourselves at how much we swear just out of habit, now that we're trying to stop.


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## LuckyTrish (Dec 29, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rebeccajo* 
I have to admit that I'm a little offended when people say swearing is just unimaginative or uncreative or that people who swear are unintelligent. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person and I swear. There are places I definitely wouldn't swear and I try not to be rude about it, but I don't see how saying "D*mn" or "f*ck" when I drop something on my foot makes me an unintelligent person who doesn't have a wide vocabulary. Just because these words are included in my vocabulary doesn't mean I don't know other words.

Thank you!! Some of these posts were making me mad







:

To the OP: I really only have major issues with swear words (or non-swear words like "shut up" or stupid) when they are directed at people. As long as they are used in an appropriate setting and not all the time, swear words aren't a problem in our household.


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## spicyrock (Apr 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Catubodua* 
i have a (i think) funny story about this.

a friend's husband is the worst with dropping f-bombs. i mean, seriously, it's every other word out of his mouth.

their kids have been taught that you can't use words like retarded or stupid.

he was going on and on one night.... "this f-ing guy was trying to cross right the f- in front of me while i was waiting to turn. i thought f- this! i'm not letting that f-er do that. f- him! how f-ing stupid does he think i am!?"

their son, aged 6, said, "dad, we don't call people stupid" with this very disciplinarian type tone. dad told him he was sorry he used that word, then proceeded to go off again "f-er thought he was going to..."

i almost fell on the floor!









oh, so funny!!! i've really enjoyed reading these responses so far. there have been several pretty cute anecdotes... and many good points.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I try not to, but I used to be a total party girl with a potty mouth, especially with a couple drinks in me. Everything was f-this and f-that. Since DD I have gotten better but I still say "Sh*t" all the time, usually when something startles me.

We have family and friends that cuss, then are like "oh sorry." I just tell them it's not that big of a deal, I feel the bigger the deal is made then the more enticing it is to be a potty mouth. My mom can't handle my slang and cursing, she used to hate that I said the word "sucks" all the time, but sometimes things just suck. I still can see her cringe when I say and being the brat I am I just do it more







.

My biggest problem saying "stupid", I say the cat is being stupid or the dogs are often. I just get frustrated with their constant antics and am like, "You stupid dogs are driving me nuts!!" or "knock it right now you stupid cats!" I shouldn't say that, but they can be so annoyingly insane at times.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Catubodua* 
i have a (i think) funny story about this.

a friend's husband is the worst with dropping f-bombs. i mean, seriously, it's every other word out of his mouth.

their kids have been taught that you can't use words like retarded or stupid.

he was going on and on one night.... "this f-ing guy was trying to cross right the f- in front of me while i was waiting to turn. i thought f- this! i'm not letting that f-er do that. f- him! how f-ing stupid does he think i am!?"

their son, aged 6, said, "dad, we don't call people stupid" with this very disciplinarian type tone. dad told him he was sorry he used that word, then proceeded to go off again "f-er thought he was going to..."

i almost fell on the floor!









That's funny. And it sounds like something that might happen here.


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## betsyj (Jan 8, 2009)

We do swear but try to tone it down. And hubby comes up with some pretty hilarious combos.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

To the OP: I really only have major issues with swear words (or non-swear words like "shut up" or stupid) when they are directed at people. As long as they are used in an appropriate setting and not all the time, swear words aren't a problem in our household.
Same here. Curse words are words, its all in how they're used.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Catubodua* 
i have a (i think) funny story about this.

a friend's husband is the worst with dropping f-bombs. i mean, seriously, it's every other word out of his mouth.

their kids have been taught that you can't use words like retarded or stupid.

he was going on and on one night.... "this f-ing guy was trying to cross right the f- in front of me while i was waiting to turn. i thought f- this! i'm not letting that f-er do that. f- him! how f-ing stupid does he think i am!?"

their son, aged 6, said, "dad, we don't call people stupid" with this very disciplinarian type tone. dad told him he was sorry he used that word, then proceeded to go off again "f-er thought he was going to..."

i almost fell on the floor!

















that might happen in our home!


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rebeccajo* 
I agree with this.

I'd much rather my son yell SH*T! than tell someone to shut up but shut up isn't considered a curse word, so lots of people don't freak out about it. I don't mind swearing at all as long as it's not *at* someone. Disrespecting people is not okay, even if it's in polite language.











my older dd came to me one day horrified and says "Lily said the S word" and I am thinking holy cow, where did she pick that up? its not one I say. after much prodding I got it out of her that the S word she was referring to was "shut up"

thats actually considered a swear word around here. It is actually one pof the worst things they could say. that and "oh my God" is also a punishable offecnse . . .but if "da**it were to slip out . . . meh, can't really blame them as they hear me say that every time I stall my car in traffic.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

So for those of you who don't censor (I haven't thus far either) what if your child ~isn't~ differentiating between private and public sector usage?









My six year old drops the occasional f-bomb and uses damn in the correct context, which is fine with me at home - but she told me she got in trouble for saying there wasn't enough time to eat her damn lunch.

We talked about how mummy thinks it's okay for her to use those words, but she needed to respect that it might upset other people. Then that felt like censoring again...










Input?


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## Ammaarah (May 21, 2005)

My daughter looked up at me the other day on the way into Target, and said, "Don't say sh*t, Mommy. Sh*t is a bad word." And I hadn't even SAID a word for a couple minutes! LOL.


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
:thats actually considered a swear word around here. It is actually one pof the worst things they could say.

Yep, that or any kind of malicious name-calling.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ceinwen* 
So for those of you who don't censor (I haven't thus far either) what if your child ~isn't~ differentiating between private and public sector usage?









My six year old drops the occasional f-bomb and uses damn in the correct context, which is fine with me at home - but she told me she got in trouble for saying there wasn't enough time to eat her damn lunch.

We talked about how mummy thinks it's okay for her to use those words, but she needed to respect that it might upset other people. Then that felt like censoring again...










Input?

Time and place. My 6 yo understands home words and "in-propriate" words. When we hear her use the language, we take the opportunity to say it's OK to use those words with us but they aren't words she should use at church or at school. She actually knows that part quite well. I don't think of this as censoring so much as being explicit about where it's appropriate to swear.

I think of this kind of like my trilingual neighbors. She spoke Spanish, he spoke Portugese but outside of the house, everyone spoke English to the children. It was the "appropriate" language choice for in the neighborhood.


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## missjessicajames (Jan 23, 2009)

My mom will tell you stories of how I cursed in proper context at the age of 3 but had enough sense to censor my language around my grandparents. I still have a horrible potty mouth and definitely don't censor at home, but was miraculously good at censoring myself in my classroom when I taught







.
Not sure how will approach it as dd grows up... I guess for now I'll just pray her first word isn't something I'm too embarassed to post on twitter and face book


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
At the risk of being flamed, I think profanity makes you look uneducated and low class, certainly things I don't wish for my children. And I say this as a reformed f* bomb dropper.

I've never heard such profanity as in groups of PhDs (maybe I'm just in a field that attracts large numbers of people with potty mouths). Of course in general I believe people in academia tend to be more logical about their decisions, and so no one's offended by someone choosing to use a cuss word when it's appropriate.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qbear'smama* 
I drew the line when she tried to stop me from saying hideous.

My son has now become very aware of "bad words." We had a discussion the other day about why "ridiculous" is not a bad word. I said something was ridiculous, and he said, "mommy, you really shouldn't say that. It's a bad word." It made me very aware of how arbitrary opposition to language can be that as a 4YO, he cannot distinguish between what society's deemed "bad" and other negative descriptors.

Neither DH nor I censor ourselves in front of the kids, though I tend to cuss more than DH does. We have had a lot of discussions lately about name-calling, however. DS picked up "stupid" and "idiot" from a little boy at preschool. Apparently this little guy is called those names by his parents, so we did talk about how sad that makes us and how it's important to tell people with constructive words when we're upset with them and not call them names.

We've also discussed that at school, you will get in trouble for saying cuss words and that we make a decision to abide by those rules or face the consequences of breaking them. DS seems to get that pretty well. DS rarely ever says any cuss words, so it's really not been an issue.


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## Mal85 (Sep 3, 2008)

DH and I both have horrible potty mouths... DH more so than myself but I am pretty bad about it too. Our friends also have bad potty mouths. DD is only 8 weeks old, so for the most part we don't censor what we say. The f*bomb does bother me though and I try not to use it. I try to remind DH not to use it as well. I don't know why that particular word... I think it's just because that was the MAJOR word we were not allowed to use in my parents home growing up. My parents both cursed in front of us, but that word was forbidden and they never used it either. My mom wouldn't allow movies with that word in the home and still doesn't. So, I guess that's why I feel like it's worse than others.

This is probably bad, but I think it's hilarious when kids use curse words in the right context.


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## melijack1 (Nov 18, 2008)

I am a well-educated, highly verbal person with an extensive vocabulary. I know when it is, and when it is not appropriate, or shall I say, is accepted and when it would be frowned upon. Still, sometimes nothing quite does the job as well as a good DAMMIT! I swear when I know it is not going to offend anyone. I try not to swear in front of my son, but I am not perfect. Instead of worrying about the random curse word, I have taught my son that meanness will not be tolerated. If he wants to say "I can't find my damn truck." then so be it. However if he was to say to another individual, "you are damn stupid." he would spend some time in time out for that. He has been taught it is NOT okay to insult others, and we do NOT tell others to shut up in our house. I think words like shut up, stupid, retard (which is NEVER uttered in my presence or that of my children without some repercussion) or other discriminatory words are much more damaging and offensive than a random 4-letter word.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

I did not change my verbal habits for the baby, and I probably wont when she's of speaking age either. I'm not much of a curser anyway. Generally, I only curse when its a joke.

DH, however, curses a lot. When he does in a situation that I don't believe is appropriate I point it out to him. He grew up with a mother that curses in every other sentence. She does censor herself around verbal children, but not babies. It's just a part of her vocabulary. (She'll say "Does she have a s**tty diaper?" for example.)

I agree that cursing can be a form of verbal violence. Cursing out of anger makes my stomach turn.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ceinwen* 
So for those of you who don't censor (I haven't thus far either) what if your child ~isn't~ differentiating between private and public sector usage?









My six year old drops the occasional f-bomb and uses damn in the correct context, which is fine with me at home - but she told me she got in trouble for saying there wasn't enough time to eat her damn lunch.

We talked about how mummy thinks it's okay for her to use those words, but she needed to respect that it might upset other people. Then that felt like censoring again...










Input?

We don't have that issue, but I would probably speak with the teacher (or whomever) and explain that we don't censor at home and that the most I am comfortable with at school is a gentle reminder that those words are not allowed THERE. I would not want or expect my child to be punished for using a word unless it was racist/homophobic/misogynistic and s/he knew it.

Not censoring is WAY more important to me than where/when words get used.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

no censoring here.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

my older dd came to me one day horrified and says "Lily said the S word" and I am thinking holy cow, where did she pick that up? its not one I say. after much prodding I got it out of her that the S word she was referring to was "shut up"
My 7 year old came home from school one day telling me how he'd said the "c word" at school. I nearly died and tried to figure out where he'd heard that one (its not something I ever or will ever say). Turns out he meant "crap".


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

I grew up with alternative "cursing" coming from my mom, things like "oh toot" or "shux".....I thought it was so silly that she couldn't even bring herself to say things like "poop" or "crap", I mean in our house "pee" was even a bad word. Definately no "shut up", which I actually agree with, that to me is more of a rude command than a curse.
My Grandfather, on the other hand, said "God-d***-it" ALL the time, it's a joke in the family when you are impersonating him that your phrasology must contain the GD somewhere in it.

I admit that I have a severe Fbomb and S*** slinging issue. I don't like it and can't really defend it. I'm not to into censorship, but I do see how cursing can be rude, crass, crude and even sound unintelligent. I certainly don't want my toddler going around saying F-this or anything, but I can't bring myself to start saying "fudge" this or "oh shirts!" that.....it's a little to cutesy for me. Sorry!


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## KathyB (Nov 21, 2008)

I don't curse and neither does DH. I have to agree that it is considered to be a low class or uneducated practice in our society. I have been in restuarants and politely asked those using profanity in front of my child to please stop. I think it's just not necessary. We have so many words in the english language to put to good use!!

I also feel that it has a negative connotation. Without it in conversation, you portray a mutual respect for the person you are conversing with.

Kathy


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

The only thing that would concern me is if my children took God's name in vain and if they were using their words to hurt someone.

I'm kinda confused, honestly, over how I am supposed to allow colourful language while at the same time, the rest of the world seemingly believes it to be a sign of low intelligence and to be "bad".

Oh, I also have a funny story. My FIL has very colourful language. MIL discourages it and bad words aren't allowed in the house.

Anyways, they were all driving home in the car one time when my 2yo BIL was whining and complaining in his seat. FIL told him to pipe down and he retorted, "No F way! F you dad!" MIL said it served FIL right hahaha.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

No, I don't swear generally, and for sure not in front of the kids. The occasional "crap" has slipped out, but usually we use milder language like "oh good grief."


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

I swear and don't censor.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
I'm kinda confused, honestly, over how I am supposed to allow colourful language while at the same time, the rest of the world seemingly believes it to be a sign of low intelligence and to be "bad".

For us, it works because the people who are dull enough to fall for that trite old b.s. about cussing aren't people whose opinions particularly concern me.


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

This reminds me...

Over Christmas DS somehow picked up the phrase "Oh my goodness!" Except that it took us a while to figure out what he was saying, because it sounded a lot more like, "Oh Mike Gomez!" So now "Oh Mike Gomez!" is our all purpose expression of exclaimation.









Doing this, of course, increases our likelihood of eventually meeting a Mike Gomez who will become an important person in our lives, and who will be totally confused about us using his name as an interjection.


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## Porcelain Interior (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spicyrock* 
i've been thinking a lot about censorship and profanity as it relates to my child, lately, and i thought i would ask you guys a couple of questions. do you use profanity in front of your children? *I try not too, but will admit to saying a four letter word if the dog pees where she shouldn't, I'm burning food, or cut myself. Those types of situations I have said d*mmit, or the s word, and I always say excuse my language.*are your kids restricted in how they may speak? *Neither of my girls has ever used a vulgar/profane word in front of me, and I've discouraged name calling like stupid/rude so they've only used negative labels between in other out of frustration, no one has ever called someone a profane word. We're really strict about this, words can hurt and they do have power.*what about pre-verbal children- how do you speak in front of them?*DH has a bit of a potty mouth when he gets excited he uses the F word in regular conversation (not name calling that is 100% not ok and we don't do this in our house.)* what are your reasons for the choices you make?*Well we feel profane words are not ok to label people with. I think at a certain point excessive profanity can come off as immature. If I was around grown people and they were having a drink or two and someone was telling a story and got a little colorful I'm not going to hold it against them, but in the normal course of life around my kids if someone is spouting off f bombs every other sentence- to me that is disrespectful and kind of well stupid.*

like i said, this is just something that has been on my mind. full disclosure: i must admit that i have a potty mouth. my daughter is not four months old yet, but i do not always succeed in self-editing around her.

*No one is perfect. I try not to swear and I'm cracking down even more because I'm finding myself angry lately about things going on in the world and honestly using nasty words to vent doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel more negative. So I'm trying to curb that. I don't vent in front of my kids, but I'll find myself on the phone with a girlfriend talking about something we find mutually disturbing and bam a four letter word enters the picture.

I guess with our kids the message is "vulgar language isn't ok, but if it slips it's not the end of the world, the bigger thing is why are you feeling this way?"

That probably sounds like an inconsistent message, but really I think more than not using profanity I prefer to be around people that aren't angry and coarse in general, so not so much about swearing but respect in general.

I tend to hang with people that moderate in front of kids.*


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

No, we don't curse, as a rule.

We rarely ever use foul language, but try to never use it in front of DD or in public.

How one speaks not only alters how one feels, but it alters the impression one makes on others.

If others cuss around me while I am with my daughter in public, I firmly suggest that they stop.

Trin.


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

Yes, it has slipped out of me on too many occasions. For each slip, I force myself to put one dollar in a jar for the republican party. I can then earn the dollars back by not swearing for an entire week. The jar has been empty for months. (I am a yellow dog democrat).


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i dont normally curse a lot, but once in a while i do. its just my personality. ex curses a lot and never stopped in front of dd.

dd went thru a phase when she said them. then got it that its not a socially acceptable thing to do. she went thru a phase when she loved saying it as a word. mom mom what rhymes with luck.

these days - she is 6 1/2, my swearing does help her. since i dont use it often - the swearing gives her an idea of what our state of mind is. i do it mostly out of frustration, her dad out of anger. so she knows to stay out of her dad's hair and not misbehave when he starts swearing. with me she comes over to 'its going to be ok mom' or 'can i help you mom'.

so really i feel swearing is not a bad thing.


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## Daphneduck (Jan 22, 2009)

I try really hard not to, but occasionally slip. I never swear n public. I think that it sounds ignorant and rude when people swear in public and I think that it sounds even worse when children swear (habitually). I have asked someone not to swear in my home in front of my DD, and once asked a stranger to stop in public, at a children's concert in the park. It was a parent sitting next to us who kept complaining about the "f------ heat," and the f------ mosquitoes" and the "f------ noise."


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

For those of you who allow your kids to swear, do you worry about how this might affect them socially? I would not allow my children to play with kids with a potty mouth. Do you worry your kid will ostracized for their speaking habits if you don't teach them not to say such words?


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## amynbebes (Aug 28, 2008)

We both curse and while I don't think we should around the kids we still do. I have a really hard time censoring myself. Just today I said [email protected]* about something and my 7 yr old reminded me that I should instead say crap or darn







That being said, my 13 yr old dd was just telling me the other day how some of her friends have started cussing and she thinks it's the stupidest thing because they're just trying to sound cool. I don't allow my kids to swear though. But in my book crap, darn and such aren't swear words.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I've never heard such profanity as in groups of PhDs (maybe I'm just in a field that attracts large numbers of people with potty mouths). Of course in general I believe people in academia tend to be more logical about their decisions, and so no one's offended by someone choosing to use a cuss word when it's appropriate.

I totally agree. . .get a group of PhDs together and the swearing can become pretty intense. Of the people here who are saying that swearing makes someone sound uneducated and unintelligent, I would wonder what their education level or intelligence level is. I've been around many very intelligent people and highly educated people in my life and I would say their cursing can be extreme. Granted, perhaps they use it more in an appropriate context. . .but to say that only uneducated or unintelligent people swear is definitely not a fact.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
For those of you who allow your kids to swear, do you worry about how this might affect them socially? I would not allow my children to play with kids with a potty mouth. Do you worry your kid will ostracized for their speaking habits if you don't teach them not to say such words?

Again, we just work on choosing to use certain language in certain situations. However, I feel uncomfortable with families that are extremely overt in their religious beliefs - but I wouldn't necessarily censor my daughter from playing with their children.

We would discuss that families do things differently; what might be acceptable at home or with friends who share our beliefs may make others uncomfortable.


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## Daphneduck (Jan 22, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *treemom2* 
I totally agree. . .get a group of PhDs together and the swearing can become pretty intense. Of the people here who are saying that swearing makes someone sound uneducated and unintelligent, I would wonder what their education level or intelligence level is. I've been around many very intelligent people and highly educated people in my life and I would say their cursing can be extreme. Granted, perhaps they use it more in an appropriate context. . .but to say that only uneducated or unintelligent people swear is definitely not a fact.

I have an MSW and I don't care who is swearing, it _sounds_ ignorant to swear up a blue streak in public. Even if they have good educations, they are still displaying ignorance of good manners. The "appropriate context" that you mentioned is the key. IMO, to swear in mixed company, including strangers and children, is rude and ignorant. What is done among peers, in private, is another matter entirely.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

It doesn't sound ignorant to me but as I get older, I cringe when DH starts swearing in public. I am trying to discover why it bothers me.

As for at home, YEP. We swear. DD knows not to say certain words around Grandma or at the library chess club or at a restaurant. She knows that it may offend someone.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
For those of you who allow your kids to swear, do you worry about how this might affect them socially? I would not allow my children to play with kids with a potty mouth. Do you worry your kid will ostracized for their speaking habits if you don't teach them not to say such words?

I'd explain the situation to my kid, if it ever came up, and s/he could decide whether or not playing with your kid was worth self-censoring.

Fortunately, the people we hang out with are amused and/or simply don't care about our kids' cussing . . . or at least, they have the decency to respect that the values we have are ours to pass on, and they are welcome to do differently with their kids.

I mean, my daughter uses "dammit" pretty frequently, and around her cousin (who isn't even allowed to say "Oh my god"), and every time her cousin looks at me like, "Aren't you going to punish her?????" It's so silly . . . her mom is frequently saying, "Rylie's mom makes the rules for her, I make the rules for you." It comes up with many issues, actually.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I seldom swear. Dh is from Jersey and has the casual use of damn and hell in his speech. I hate it. And if he's mad he slips into worse.

My kids know that I don't approve of casual swearing. I feel it inappropriate in most settings. And yes, I feel like it is a sign of being poor and uneducated. Sigh, I guess I am classist on this one. I don't like to have relationships with people who swear a lot. It makes me nervous on a visceral level that I can't rightly explain.


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

Like I said earlier I don't really like that I curse so much, esp. in front of DD, but I certainly wouldn't warm to the idea of another person sternly chastising me in public, esp. if I didn't know them! That seems just as rude to me as the offense of public profanity could be!

Also wouldn't want anyone to chastise my dd for saying a curse word. Leave the parenting of my dd to me thank you









Also wouldn't care if someone didn't want their kid to play with mine because she said a curse or even cursed all the time. I guess if she was old enough to understand I would explain to her the parents concern about her language and how that meant that she wouldnt' be able to play with such and such and that she would have to choose to sensor her language around them if she wanted to play with them.....


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

i got a really bad mouth, most of the time i just say it and dont even notice







i have never minded my words. adults do and say things children can not. curse words are the same. my kids are not allowed to cuss. my kids are corrected just by saying "that is a grown up word you may not use it" there is no punishment for it. if they do slip and say a word all i say is "excuse me?"

umm just a F.Y.I.
I have always worked around kids (childcare, daycare, nanny, volunteering in jk &sk classes). from what i have seen when they dont hear it at home and they hear this new word they seem to love it and say it all the time. when they are raised hearing it there is not a draw to it. you can edit your words but you cant control others way of speaking all it takes is someone passing on the street for them to hear it and pick it up.


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## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:

I've never heard such profanity as in groups of PhDs (maybe I'm just in a field that attracts large numbers of people with potty mouths).
I'm in academia and....actually have a foreign language obscenity phrasebook coming out this summmer









I'm in linguistics, primarily sociolinguistics, and we tend to be a ridiculously liberal bunch









So I agree with the PPs who noted that people who curse are not always undereducated or linguistically deprived.

...


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EVC* 
I'm in academia and....actually have a foreign language obscenity phrasebook coming out this summmer









I'm in linguistics, primarily sociolinguistics, and we tend to be a ridiculously liberal bunch









So I agree with the PPs who noted that people who curse are not always undereducated or linguistically deprived.

...

Yeah, smart people can be a very foul mouthed bunch. Rivalling the proverbial sailor (because some sailors are smart too.)


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## phrogger (Oct 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Yeah, smart people can be a very foul mouthed bunch. Rivalling the proverbial sailor (because some sailors are smart too.)

Hey, most sailors are smart


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littlemizflava* 
umm just a F.Y.I.
I have always worked around kids (childcare, daycare, nanny, volunteering in jk &sk classes). from what i have seen when they dont hear it at home and they hear this new word they seem to love it and say it all the time. when they are raised hearing it there is not a draw to it. you can edit your words but you cant control others way of speaking all it takes is someone passing on the street for them to hear it and pick it up.

Interesting observation. I really did try to watch my cursing when DD was little and it seemed everytime she heard a swear word she would say it over and over again. . .took a long time to extinguish. However, with DS I no longer watch my cursing. . .and I can be pretty bad with it but he hasn't picked up a word of it. My brother drops the F bomb every other word (a PhD with 2 Master's Degrees by the way) and I've never heard his children curse at all. Interesting!


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

Quote:

to swear in mixed company, including strangers and children, is rude and ignorant. What is done among peers, in private, is another matter entirely.
I agree. Context is everything.

Dh has a PhD in English and Linguistics (the Sh word is a strong verb!) and I am no slouch either... so I find it pretty rich that some are suggesting that educated people are liberated and/or enlightened and *that* is why they use foul language, regardless of who hears it, because they are somehow above it all and looking down upon the silly people who are bothered about such things.

It does not work that way. One is not able to fashion the perception of one's self _in the eyes of others_. A formal education is not a free pass. Manners and polite conduct are what they are for a reason, and we should expect the same of almost everyone, otherwise we do them a disservice by expecting less of them.

Social standards are important to a community, and if a person uses foul language in public, amongst children, or in the company of strangers, he or she _sounds_ nasty and he or she is behaving in a rude manner.

I see swearing in public in the same light as littering: unacceptable. I will correct someone if I hear or see it.

Trin.


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## purplemoon (Sep 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 
I agree. Context is everything.

Dh has a PhD in English and Linguistics (the Sh word is a strong verb!) and I am no slouch either... so I find it pretty rich that some are suggesting that educated people are liberated and/or enlightened and *that* is why they use foul language regardless of who hears it, because they are somehow above it all and looking down upon the silly people who are bothered about such things.

It does not work that way. One is not able to fashion the perception of one's self _in the eyes of others_. A formal education is not a free pass. Manners and polite conduct are what they are for a reason, and we should expect the same of almost everyone, otherwise we do them a disservice by expecting less of them.

Social standards are important to a community, and if a person uses foul language in public, amongst children, or in the company of strangers, he or she _sounds_ nasty and he or she is behaving in a rude manner.

I see swearing in public in the same light as littering: unacceptable. I will correct someone if I hear or see it.

Trin.

If you are concerned about manners, then you wouldn't correct someone.









Dear Miss Manners,
You state that a person shouldn't go around correcting or chastening strangers, but what if it's teenagers making out in public or girls (or guys) swearing on the street?

I encountered two teenage girls with a baby buggy both using 'F' words on the main street of our town, and yes, I told them I didn't appreciate that kind of language. Their response? "F*** you!"

What are we teaching today's youth? "Do whatever you like and attempt to shock those around you!?"

Gentle Reader,
And what did you learn from defying Miss Manners' advice?

There are practical reasons, as well as an etiquette one, not to go around lecturing strangers on the street: It doesn't work, and one day you are going to encounter more than rough words.

The etiquette one is that it sets them an example of bad behavior, which you claim you do not want to do. If you want to improve today's youth, you must form good individual relationships with them as a teacher, counselor or friend, not denounce strangers on the street.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 

I see swearing in public in the same light as littering: unacceptable. I will correct someone if I hear or see it.

Trin.


yes, it is like verbal littering. and I don't care how many papers people have on their wall I generally think of people who swear at best as uncreative and low brow. and while I wouldn't correct someone it would effect how I felt about them and if I wanted to subject myself to that sort of thing.

I swear most when I am I am feeling stressed, tired and uncreative.


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

i curse sometimes, so does dh. rarely, and not the F-bomb. It's not a major issue. I swear if something really hurts me badly, or someone nearly runs into me in traffic or something pretty big.
DS isn't talking yet, and DD doesnt curse at all-she will frown and remind us not to say a bad word, lol. She used to throw out a wicked good gd-it sometimes, when she was about 2. it was totally hilarious-she would only say it when she really smacked herself or made a big mess or something, and she pronounced it with a southern twang like me. We never made a big deal of her doing it, although it took MAJOR self-control not to totally crack up. She figured out on her own that it wasnt the thing to say, and stopped.

now, if she hadnt, and she'd continued to swear very frequently, i'dve told her it wasnt socially acceptable and that we don't use those words casually.


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## purplemoon (Sep 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
yes, it is like verbal littering. and I don't care how many papers people have on their wall I generally think of people who swear at best as uncreative and low brow.

I agree that there are much more creative ways to be offensive.

I rarely swear but commonly use word creations which cause shudders from strangers. I am working on that as I have been told it is disconcerting. I think people would rather I swear.

My son did pick up "GD" it from FIL and it is very ugly to hear from a 4 year old. I have taught him to say oh man instead. If others don't mind their children saying things like that, it doesn't bother me. For my own children it just seems wrong.


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## burke-a-bee (Jan 8, 2005)

I curse. Growing up curse words were a big no no. ( Although my parents cursed.) I remember one day when I was in middle school a friend told me to say damn and it took me an hour to speak the word. LOL It was really hard for me to let go. Then in high school I went through a phase where I really cursed a lot and became more comfortable. I have a friend who could say any word in front of her parents. I was fascinated by it. They were so comfortable around each other and could express them selves any way they wanted.
Now I don't really censor how I talk in front of my kids. If they curse I don't say anything. They don't become fascinated by it because there is not a spot light on it.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

Purplemoon,

I mostly gently disagree with Miss Manners on this issue in principle. I think we must create and maintain a pleasant social atmosphere in public places, and that maintenance requires correction from time to time.

However, in _that_ instance, I wouldn't have said anything to the teenagers using foul language, as it would have served little purpose. I would have avoided them and stayed out of earshot. Passing by on the street is fleeting and correction would be pointless - meaning one does not need to continue association with that person.

In the doctor's office yesterday, it was a different case. Four teenagers (not to stereotype, but that's just the age they happened to be) were talking quite loudly about hooking up, partying, blah blah blah.... When a nearby mother started nursing her crying 2-month-old daughter, one of them exclaimed, "whoa, she just whipped it out!" the other responded with "what? her t-t?"

They got this from me









They quieted for about 28 seconds.

Then one of them nearly shouted "F you" to one of her cohorts, in response to some insult he had tossed her way.

I said, sternly, "Excuse me, do you mind? There are children all around you." She said sorry and looked contrite, as _I would have if I had been she._

After a few minutes the male in the group said "big hairy d*&k!" while glancing at me to check my reaction.

By then I was so angry that I replied "You, sir, are fortunate that I am by myself." I had DD with me, but DH was not there.

I said it naturally and in all honesty, for, he was *so* crass and so vulgar, that I am certain DH would have asked him to step outside, as his behaviour had already crossed the lines of decorum and there is little to do at that point.

DH is a large but not violent man, and the stepping outside could simply have been a good dose of "what on Earth is the matter with you?" - ALA elementary school, I can't be certain, but that is what came to me as a response at the time.

The girls then got embarrassed by the male's behaviour and suggested they leave for ice cream, which they did, and left the rest of us in peace. When they got back, (we were there a long time!) they were quiet as church mice and spoke in whispers.

In a situation where we are forced to interact with others, and stay in the same room, I think it quite right to correct each other when we break the social rules.

Trin.


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## GoodNamesGone (Apr 24, 2009)

We swear from time to time, but try not to in front of the kids. I on one occassion got angry enough I swore (not an insult or anything) during a stern talk and then quickly said, "Yeah, I swore, that's how mad I am."

We've told the kids that swearing is adult language and that they're not to do it till they're old enough to have a reason to... like when they have bills.

We usually dull it with something funny like the bill comment to get them laughing- the only one who has been an issue at all is the younger one. And he was mostly bringing it home from school.

We also explained that swear words are words people use when they can't think of something better, and that you look smarter without them. That mostly appealed to the older one who thinks he's a genius.

Haven't caught them doing it in almost a year now.


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## purplemoon (Sep 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 









Purplemoon,

I mostly gently disagree with Miss Manners on this issue in principle. I think we must create and maintain a pleasant social atmosphere in public places, and that maintenance requires correction from time to time.

However, in _that_ instance, I wouldn't have said anything to the teenagers using foul language, as it would have served little purpose. I would have avoided them and stayed out of earshot. Passing by on the street is fleeting and correction would be pointless - meaning one does not need to continue association with that person.

In the doctor's office yesterday, it was a different case. Four teenagers (not to stereotype, but that's just the age they happened to be) were talking quite loudly about hooking up, partying, blah blah blah.... When a nearby mother started nursing her crying 2-month-old daughter, one of them exclaimed, "whoa, she just whipped it out!" the other responded with "what? her t-t?"

They got this from me









They quieted for about 28 seconds.

Then one of them nearly shouted "F you" to one of her cohorts, in response to some insult he had tossed her way.

I said, sternly, "Excuse me, do you mind? There are children all around you." She said sorry and looked contrite, as _I would have if I had been she._

After a few minutes the male in the group said "big hairy d*&k!" while glancing at me to check my reaction.

By then I was so angry that I replied "You, sir, are fortunate that I am by myself." I had DD with me, but DH was not there.

I said it naturally and in all honesty, for, he was *so* crass and so vulgar, that I am certain DH would have asked him to step outside, as his behaviour had already crossed the lines of decorum and there is little to do at that point.

DH is a large but not violent man, and the stepping outside could simply have been a good dose of "what on Earth is the matter with you?" - ALA elementary school, I can't be certain, but that is what came to me as a response at the time.

The girls then got embarrassed by the male's behaviour and suggested they leave for ice cream, which they did, and left the rest of us in peace. When they got back, (we were there a long time!) they were quiet as church mice and spoke in whispers.

In a situation where we are forced to interact with others, and stay in the same room, I think it quite right to correct each other when we break the social rules.

Trin.


I would have a hard time in that instance as well since you can't leave. Most of the time if someone is cursing in mixed company and it is uncomfortable you walk away and steer clear of the person. On the street you let it go. If on a plane, or any place that you have to be and are forced to hear it, I would agree that saying something is important. I would have also complained to the doctors office (since they should have done something as well).


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
For those of you who allow your kids to swear, do you worry about how this might affect them socially? I would not allow my children to play with kids with a potty mouth. Do you worry your kid will ostracized for their speaking habits if you don't teach them not to say such words?

I am not overly concerned about it, no. I have a great deal of faith in my son's ability to learn and adapt as he goes through life.

If my son were swearing all the time, I would want to take it up with him _anyway_. But if someone dropped him off their kids' friend list for a brief bout of swearing while he was 7 (a pretty common age for testing that), I would perceive it more as their issue than ours.

There is no way I can prevent my son from coming into contact with foul language, nor do I really want to. I modify my own behaviour and model that - I swear at home from time to time, usually when I've dropped something or a similar situation, and generally not the rest of the time. Saying "oh sugar" or whatever to me is not that useful.

Long-term, if he swears occasionally, that's okay with me. As a writer I appreciate both the need to develop a variety of ways to express one's self, and the simplicity of a good swear word now and then.


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## hippiemommaof4 (Mar 31, 2008)

We do and its a bad habit we both picked up in the military. our kids dont though. My 3 yr old has said a few and the others have said them couple times but not often if ever nowadays, we didnt make a huge deal of it either just the "these are adult words and even adults shouldnt say them but we do" etc.


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## sweetjasmine (Sep 17, 2008)

Re: my earlier post about sounding uneducated if using curse words - I don't know about the other posters who said the same thing but in my case I didn't mean that the _person_ was uneducated, just that that's how they _sound_ and I don't mean in every instance, I meant if they habitually wrapped the f bomb around every other word in every sentence and didn't discriminate whether they were in public or in private.

On another note, I am shocked (and I don't shock easily or I thought I didn't, heh)







: that some parents don't mind if their little ones curse whether it's in private, public or both. It's not that I think children are or should be treated as angelic beings but a swearing child just sounds so, I don't know, _un_childlike? As I mentioned in my previous post, I swear but not in front of my stepkids or grandkids. Dh, however, swears in front of his kids but doesn't allow them to swear although they do say things like crap, friggin, sucks, etc., which doesn't bother me but imo, a teenager swearing is different from a non-teen child swearing. I don't know, maybe I think of kids as "wholesome" or "innocent", for lack of a better description. I know some kids cuss, obviously, but like a pp mentioning a 7 year old boy swearing but it's the thought of his parents not minding that is weird to me.

All in how we were raised, I guess. Dh said his parents swore in front of him but didn't allow him to until he was a teen.


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## Kappa (Oct 15, 2007)

No, a lot of cuss words are very easy to say and I don't need my 13 mo old repeating after me. My DH still does, but he will stop as soon as the LO starts repeating after him, seriously.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetjasmine* 
On another note, I am shocked (and I don't shock easily or I thought I didn't, heh)







: that some parents don't mind if their little ones curse whether it's in private, public or both. It's not that I think children are or should be treated as angelic beings but a swearing child just sounds so, I don't know, _un_childlike? As I mentioned in my previous post, I swear but not in front of my stepkids or grandkids. Dh, however, swears in front of his kids but doesn't allow them to swear although they do say things like crap, friggin, sucks, etc., which doesn't bother me but imo, a teenager swearing is different from a non-teen child swearing. I don't know, maybe I think of kids as "wholesome" or "innocent", for lack of a better description. I know some kids cuss, obviously, but like a pp mentioning a 7 year old boy swearing but it's the thought of his parents not minding that is weird to me.

All in how we were raised, I guess. Dh said his parents swore in front of him but didn't allow him to until he was a teen.

Yeah - I can see why it might bother people. I have no objection to people not swearing.









It just doesn't bother me and it isn't a hill I'm prepared to die on. I'm way, way more concerned with bringing my child up to be a moral, decent human being who thinks for himself to put any energy into caring whether he swears or not. (I realize it is not an either/or situation; it's just that I'm the kind of parent who lets some things go.)

I'd rather have a swearing child who is willing to stand up in an injust situation than a non-swearing child who doesn't, so if I have to err on one side it will almost always be on the least-censorship side.

There definitely is etiquette around language and swearing, that we'll both model and discuss. But honestly, I can't get worked up about it at all.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

No cursing here (either before or after procreating) since we're Christian.








(sorry for this inappropriate smiley . . . dd wanted to post this one, of all things!)


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## THBVsMommy (Mar 13, 2007)

i do, but 95% of the time i don't realize i am. now that my son is very verbal, i TRY to watch what i say, but i fail quite often. i don't feel right cussing and then telling him not to [ don't worry, he hasn't picked up any profanity yet ], so everytime i slip, i apologize in front of him and say "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said that. it's not a nice word".


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Catubodua* 
i have a (i think) funny story about this.

a friend's husband is the worst with dropping f-bombs. i mean, seriously, it's every other word out of his mouth.

their kids have been taught that you can't use words like retarded or stupid.

he was going on and on one night.... "this f-ing guy was trying to cross right the f- in front of me while i was waiting to turn. i thought f- this! i'm not letting that f-er do that. f- him! how f-ing stupid does he think i am!?"

their son, aged 6, said, "dad, we don't call people stupid" with this very disciplinarian type tone. dad told him he was sorry he used that word, then proceeded to go off again "f-er thought he was going to..."

i almost fell on the floor!









We swear, but we don't call people names or swear words. A few months ago ds had a friend over who came and told me ds said "the c word". I only knew of one "c word" and I was certain my ds didn't know that one. When I asked what the "c word" was the kid whispered "crap". Ok. I explained that crap wasn't a bad word in our house, but if it bothered him to please as ds not to use it.

Later the same boy called my kid a "stupid retard". (_You can't say crap but you can say stupid retard??????)_ He got a small lecture on what words weren't acceptable in our house. We also talked about the word "retard" and how it should never be used as an insult and why. They have a boy's with Down's in their class and they all love him, it was an excellent learning opportunity that the words you use have meaning and you can really hurt someone using them inappropriately.


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## 2pinks (Dec 20, 2007)

I sometimes do but am really trying hard as my almost 2yo repeats everything.

IMO, i'd rather a child say a swear word than "retard" or something similar.


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## Calee (May 10, 2008)

Absolutely not. Gentle, appropriate, non-offensive language is expected from all members of our family, young and old.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

*do you use profanity in front of your children?*

I _do_ use a variety of words, and I will admit to the occasional belch of profanity in front of my girls.. They laugh rather than repeat though









*are your kids restricted in how they may speak?*

not really.. we don't allow rudeness or 'hateful' words though (like "I HATE this dinner!). I won't respond to the 8 yo when she uses _babytalk_ either- unless it's part of the game, and she absolutely may NEVER say "whaaaaa"- her friend does that whenever someone tells him no or if he's dissapointed, at all









*what about pre-verbal children- how do you speak in front of them?*

same as I do in front of the others, but with more sound effects









*what are your reasons for the choices you make?*

I feel that words are words, and each has a purpose. And, like another pp wrote, this isn't a hill I want to climb


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

*Do you use profanity in front of your children?*
I try not to. Sometimes, a 'crap' will slip out.








I try to make up silly words instead of swears.

*Are your kids restricted in how they may speak?*
Somewhat. He's not allowed to be mean or disrespectful. I don't want him to swear.

*What about pre-verbal children- How do you speak in front of them?*
The same as I do right now.

*What are your reasons for the choices you make?*
I want my son to respect people and to be respected.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

For me, there's a difference between talking TO my child and having adult conversation IN FRONT OF my child. When I am talking to other adults, I use my full vocabulary, which includes some profanity. If I avoid it, it's because of the sensibilities of the other adults--for example, I've noticed that my fellow Girl Scout leaders don't use profanity even when there are no kids around, so I don't when I'm talking with them--or because I'm in a public place where I care about others being offended.

When I am talking TO my child, I do my best to speak the way I want him to speak. Although I don't find it horribly shocking when children curse, I know others do, so I think it's best to avoid modeling those words for him.

He seems to have developed a pretty sensible attitude about it. The only time I have heard him speak a genuine swear word is also the only time I have said such a word to him since he learned to talk: We were leaving a party where we'd stayed later than intended because he was having such fun, but I'd developed a migraine, and he was so tired (and still not wanting to leave) that he was pitching a fit, and I just wanted to get home, so I finally said, "Just get into the f---ing carseat!" and he said, "Mama!







It is not a f---ing carseat. It is MY carseat. You be nice about it!"







Other than that, I have heard him say "crap" and "frickin" when quoting someone, and he has informed me that "ass" is a bad word so Bart Simpson should not say it. Oh, and he said, "Omigod!" one time in front of our friend who uses the F-word a lot but never ever takes the name of the Lord in vain and who immediately rattled off a list of alternatives, and he has not said it again.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
he said, "Mama!







It is not a f---ing carseat. It is MY carseat. You be nice about it!"









That is adorable.


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## makuahine (Mar 10, 2009)

I do, though I try not to. Of course, dd is only five months so it's not too much of an issue yet, but I'm not going to stress about it if I occasionally forget myself and swear in front of her. My father always cursed around me and my sister when we were growing up and we knew that it wasn't appropriate for us to use the same language- those were "grown-up words".


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## InstinctiveMom (Jul 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GuildJenn* 
Yeah - I can see why it might bother people. I have no objection to people not swearing.









It just doesn't bother me and it isn't a hill I'm prepared to die on. I'm way, way more concerned with bringing my child up to be a moral, decent human being who thinks for himself to put any energy into caring whether he swears or not. (I realize it is not an either/or situation; it's just that I'm the kind of parent who lets some things go.)

I'd rather have a swearing child who is willing to stand up in an injust situation than a non-swearing child who doesn't, so if I have to err on one side it will almost always be on the least-censorship side.

There definitely is etiquette around language and swearing, that we'll both model and discuss. But honestly, I can't get worked up about it at all.


Ditto for us. We don't censor much of anything - not speech, not music, not reading material...

I especially agree with the thought that children who hear it are less "drawn" to it than those who come accross it by chance and become fascinated by it. Making something forbidden only serves to add an air of mystery and attractivness to it that no ammount of parental instruction can completely do away with. Sooner or later, they'll latch onto those words (or whatever it is) and overdose on it (so to speak). I was raised in a fairly laid-back household, compared to friends in ulra-conservative homes and saw it happen again and again.

My kids have a couple of things that they say fairly regularly at home and some things that they have said in the past for "shock value", but overall, they don't use swear words in everyday speech though dh and I, as well as my sister, brother and most of our friends, do without censoring in front of the kids. My boys don't typically get a rise from us about it unless it is in an inappropriate context (directed at someone - name calling, ect) or place (school church, library, parents who are extremely offended by it), but overall, it's just not something I am all that concerned about. If something needs to be said, then it is a quick reminder about why that usage was inapropriate; they don't so it again and it isn't a big deal. If it came to a point where they weren't differentiating in contect or use, then they wouldn't be allowed to use them at all. Dare I say that using colorful language is a priviledge in our house that is not to be abused?









Count me in on the list of moms who are slightly miffed at the insinuation that only the uneducated or those lacking on vocab use swear words, too. I think its kinda like religion - to each her own ideals and I can be just as tolerant of your preferences as you can to mine. I won't go to your house and curse in front of your kids as long as you don't come to my house and complain when I curse in front of yours









I also use the "she makes rules for her kids and I made the rules for you" rule - I have that with a LOT of things with many different people and situations! My kids know MY rules, and are always bound by them whether or not I am there.

On a funnier note, my kids have deemed "punk" a bad word and won't say it, lol.


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## skye213 (Mar 3, 2009)

I was thinking about this the other day. I cuss a lot but as I get older, I'm growing tired of it. I think as a person who majored in English in college I should have a better vocab. I paid for it lol. I do still say the 's' word a lot and will openly admit my favorite word is the 'b-a----d' word, and I think it's fine to use it as emphasis, kids don't understand this. Also one poster mentioned how it could hinder them socially, I agree. I think it's disrespectful for a child to curse while talking to an adult, and even at a friend, it's disrespectful when we do it too, but we're able to understand the weight of our actions.

The two year old is in a mimic stage and says 'oh s---t' sometimes, amazingly he uses it in context as in the other day when he snapped the handle off a drawer 'oh s--t' I broke it' (I'll admit I laughed so hard in the other room, he didn't hear me), but he's also in the stage where if you say no he'll laugh and repeat it 1,000,000 times. We usually go 'Hey,now' in a firm voice, and he'll stop and won't say it for a few days and now it's getting less and less. We've also stopped using it in front of him a little, but not much (old habits) so we think he's starting to understand.

I think around 10 they can use the 's' or 'd' word EVERY NOW AND THEN, and then they'll go through their little 'sailor' phrase and be done with it, but some regulations should apply like 'don't curse in church, or school, or near grandma'.


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## hrsmom (Jul 4, 2008)

What an interesting thread!

I do swear in front of my baby, and I don't really want to. I remember my mom swearing in front of me, and there was something about it that I didn't like. I can only imagine, though, when she does start to talk!


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
* I won't respond to the 8 yo when she uses babytalk either- unless it's part of the game, and she absolutely may NEVER say "whaaaaa"- her friend does that whenever someone tells him no or if he's dissapointed, at all








*
*
*
*
Agreed. Baby talk makes my ears bleed.

The only thing I dislike about Rylie's school is that she picked up baby talk from her friends . . . it is SUCH a bad habit, and it IS a hill I'm willing to die on as far as parenting goes. I can't stand my normally bright, articulate little girl sounding like a toddler.*


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

i say damn and hell once in awhile and feel so bad when i do. I apologize when i do but still i need to just never say them. Getting better.. but not good enough


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## DivineMrsM (Dec 19, 2008)

yes, we swear in front of our son. we don't believe in censorship. he will learn to use the words properly, like as a descriptive word, not an insult. we hope! lol


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

Why are some simplifying this issue as _censorship_? This isn't about banning books and cancelling HBO.

This about thoughtful conduct, behaviour and choices of words.

By that logic, don't we censor ourselves and each other all of the time?

Would it be appropriate to allow a 5-year-old to watch the SAW movies?

Litter?

Watch live sex acts?

Poop on the floor?

Pick their nose and eat it?

Where a shirt saying "I love n---ers?"

.....

Words matter. Language _matters._ Isn't it important to teach our children how to conduct themselves well?

Swear words are ugly and barbed -THAT is why they are used. I think it is up to us as parents to shelter our children from ugliness and barbs for as long as possible. They will hear ugliness and swear words soon enough on the schoolyard... do they need to hear them and be permitted to use them by those who are guiding them and nurturing them?

Trin.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Yes I do but I also curse infrequently. Once when I said the "F" word but my DD asked very innocently, "F" what?
I don't reprimand for cursing at all although it's non issue b/c I've yet to hear it back..save for one dammit many years ago.
I don't know why they don't curse but they don't. I am also ready to let it slide off my back if they do b/c I do it too.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 
Swear words are ugly and barbed -THAT is why they are used. I think it is up to us as parents to shelter our children from ugliness and barbs for as long as possible. They will hear ugliness and swear words soon enough on the schoolyard... do they need to hear them and be permitted to use them by those who are guiding them and nurturing them?

Trin.

I don't think that all swear words are ugly and barbed. I think they're useful words.

I don't allow my kids to be say disrespectful things toward people regardless of whether they're considered "swear words" or not. We don't say "shut up". We don't say "screw you". We don't say "She's stupid." We do say "damn!" if we drop something. We do say "Ow, I hurt my f*ck*ng finger!" if we slam our fingers in the door. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I am still guiding and nurturing my child. We never say racial slurs because that's an ugly word aimed AT someone. I fail to see how "d*mn, sh*t, f*ck, b*tching" hurts anyone.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 
Why are some simplifying this issue as _censorship_? This isn't about banning books and cancelling HBO.

This about thoughtful conduct, behaviour and choices of words.

By that logic, don't we censor ourselves and each other all of the time?

Would it be appropriate to allow a 5-year-old to watch the SAW movies?

Litter?

Watch live sex acts?

Poop on the floor?

Pick their nose and eat it?

Where a shirt saying "I love n---ers?"

.....

Words matter. Language _matters._ Isn't it important to teach our children how to conduct themselves well?

Swear words are ugly and barbed -THAT is why they are used. I think it is up to us as parents to shelter our children from ugliness and barbs for as long as possible. They will hear ugliness and swear words soon enough on the schoolyard... do they need to hear them and be permitted to use them by those who are guiding them and nurturing them?

Trin.

I agree that everyone self-censors.

I disagree that swearing is a critical component of self-censorship _at every time and in every situation_. If it were, we'd hear obscenities a lot less often and they wouldn't be a part of important films and books and so on.

In my experience, the vast majority of people adjust their language according to the specific group around them. Just from your post I'm hazarding a guess that you don't live in NYC, for example.

When I worked briefly for a summer in a bakery kitchen, it was actually really important to swear to show I wasn't "too stuck up" to be working there. (It wasn't entirely a class thing; these were high level pastry chefs. It was a "can you hack it" kind of thing; see also: Gordon Ramsay.







)

One could argue I should have stuck to my guns to preserve my dew-dropped innocence, but the summer would have gone badly.

I also disagree about the barbed aspect, but I totally get that is how you experience those words. If I experienced them that way I would probably feel the same. I don't; I see them words that may not be appropriate in some contexts but in others become absolutely the right word.

What is a "swear word" varies quite a bit between languages and cultures, too. In Quebec for example the french word (looks the same in english) "tabernacle" is a pretty bad obscenity. But as a non-native speaker, it always kind of struck me as funny rather than harsh.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I don't use language that I would rather not hear around my child. That includes swearing and put downs. I modeled it from the time she was a baby and I redirected her to more appropriate words in a way that didn't give innappropriate words attention. Now that she is six we have talked about the kind of language that puts people down and why as well as the kind of language that has socially unacceptable meanings and how to get positive attention for using polite manners and expressing yourself in socially appropriate ways. I have several reasons for not wanting dd to use foul language or racial slurs. Racial slurs are wrong. It isn't socially acceptable to curse or make racist remarks, it can get a child into A LOT of trouble at daycare and school (and my child was in daycare and school), and I found that by not swearing I was able to control my reaction to my anger much better than I did when I allowed myself to swear. I also find it offensive and immature when people drop swear words into a conversation just to get attention.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

My daughter is 14 y.o. and my son is almost 10 y.o. We're pretty tame around here.

Yes, I swear sometimes in front of my kids. I try not to. I've told them it's not OK. When I get impatient and angry I tend to say dammit and 'oh sh**' and 'holy crap'.

My son is particularly fascinated by the list of swear words, particularly 'crap'. I told him that crap really isn't that bad of a word, but that most people don't expect to hear that word coming from a kid.

Both my kids tend to say 'oh my god', and while dh and I both are not believers, it just sounds harsh to us, and we don't want the kids to offend friends who are believers. So we remind them to please say 'oh my gosh' or whatnot.

I told the kids they can swear all they want when they're adults. I'm not sure I actually care if even now they're swearing when I'm not there, as long as they're not calling people names or being crude.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
Anyways, they were all driving home in the car one time when my 2yo BIL was whining and complaining in his seat. FIL told him to pipe down and he retorted, "No F way! F you dad!" MIL said it served FIL right hahaha.

This would be me:
















Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoodNamesGone* 
We've told the kids that swearing is adult language and that they're not to do it till they're old enough to have a reason to... like when they have bills.

My grandmother said the same thing, only about having to pay taxes!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *LuxPerpetua* 
No cursing here (either before or after procreating) since we're Christian.








(sorry for this inappropriate smiley . . . dd wanted to post this one, of all things!)

I really surprised no one here has called you on this. Are you saying Christians aren't supposed to swear _because_ they're Christian? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding you. My sister is a member of the Order of Julian of Norwich (kind of like a nun) and I tell you she unapologetically swears up a storm.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
I finally said, "Just get into the f---ing carseat!" and he said, "Mama!







It is not a f---ing carseat. It is MY carseat. You be nice about it!"

















That is so flipping cute!!


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Yeah, I curse around the little ones, so does DH. DS is too young to care and DD knows that not everyone likes it, not every conversation needs it, and that using a swear every other word is not a good idea.

The only rule we have regarding swearing is "only justifiable cussing allowed". And yeah, DD has a few choice phases of her own for when she needs them.









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rebeccajo* 
I don't think that all swear words are ugly and barbed. I think they're useful words.

I don't allow my kids to be say disrespectful things toward people regardless of whether they're considered "swear words" or not. We don't say "shut up". We don't say "screw you". We don't say "She's stupid." We do say "damn!" if we drop something. We do say "Ow, I hurt my f*ck*ng finger!" if we slam our fingers in the door. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I am still guiding and nurturing my child. We never say racial slurs because that's an ugly word aimed AT someone. I fail to see how "d*mn, sh*t, f*ck, b*tching" hurts anyone.









: time two









words are words... i can think of some non swear words that could be used to hurt people... intent is more important imho.


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## skye213 (Mar 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
My daughter is 14 y.o. and my son is almost 10 y.o. We're pretty tame around here.

Yes, I swear sometimes in front of my kids. I try not to. I've told them it's not OK. When I get impatient and angry I tend to say dammit and 'oh sh**' and 'holy crap'.

My son is particularly fascinated by the list of swear words, particularly 'crap'. I told him that crap really isn't that bad of a word, but that most people don't expect to hear that word coming from a kid.

Both my kids tend to say 'oh my god', and while dh and I both are not believers, it just sounds harsh to us, and we don't want the kids to offend friends who are believers. So we remind them to please say 'oh my gosh' or whatnot.

I told the kids they can swear all they want when they're adults. I'm not sure I actually care if even now they're swearing when I'm not there, as long as they're not calling people names or being crude.

I was watching an 11 yr old friend of the family the other day, and the boys had somehow managed to lock themselves out of the RV, part way through our break-in operation the friend said 'I can't believe I locked the damn door.' I hadn't really realized he was cussing age till he said it, but I couldn't help but agree with the sentiment.


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

We try not to, but don't always succeed. I am about 90% less foul mouthed when the kids are around/awake than not. I may be a descedant of pirates if the language that sometimes spews off my tongue is any indication.

However, we refrain from swearing around our kids not because we believe the words themselves to be dirty/wrong or what have you, but because they are inherently attractive and easy to overuse. We are very big on vocabulary at my house and we want all the other wonderful words out there to have a fair chance at being fun and attractive before those rockstars, the curse words make there apperance.

However we are mere humans. Example:

DH is putting up curtain rods in the livingroom while DS plays in his room nearby. DH drops a teeny tiny screw behind the couch exclaiming, "Shit!"

Small voice calls out, "Shit what, Daddy?"


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

FTR: I _do_ cuss from time to time.

My exceptions were:

In public (like on a bus, in a mall, doctor's office, etc)

In front of children. (though I can understand "being human" and slipping - like dropping a teeny screw behind the couch!!)

In front of strangers.

........

I worked in TV - no dew eyes there.









I was raised by an ER nurse Mom and ex-army Dad, I _know_ all of those words and their uses.... and their shortcomings..... I think that is one of the main reasons why I DON'T swear in front of my child, my parents are potty mouths and it shows in their behaviour from time to time. As a result, I swore profusely as a teenager, and it altered how I was treated and received by others..... understandably so. I think my parents should have a) known better and b) taught me as much.

My Mom cussed LOUDLY for no good reason in a mall (full of babies [including mine!] and old people) a few weeks ago, and I nearly scrubbed her tongue with soap.









Trin.


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