# How to acknowledge the anniversary of a loss?



## eliv (Jul 7, 2002)

I found out on January 3rd, 2000 that the baby I was carrying had died (missed abortion) and had a D&C on January 5th. *He was due July 25, 2000. We are approaching our 2 year anniversary of *his would-be due date, and I would like to do something to honor *his memory. I don't know whether it is appropriate and if so, how best to do so. Anyone have any advice for us?


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby 3 years ago and the anniversaries are still hard. Of course it is appropriate for you to honor your baby. I'm not sure if I have any suggestions as the best way to do it though. This year I wrote a letter to the baby about how much I loved him and that daddy and I were ready to try again to have a child as we still need to have a baby in our lives, but that we will never forget him.

I think as long as you follow your heart you can't go wrong. There are some great suggestions in some other posts here. I think one of ladies made a shadow box as a rememberance. And someone else talked about lighting a candle. You also might want to check if there are any traditional ways to honor passed loved ones in your faith. I know there are special prayers said in the Jewish faith on the annniversary of someones passing.

((HUGS)) to you


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

For me, honoring my spirt childs anniversary is to mother her in the only way I have left.

I light a candle and prepair a small alter with things that remind me of her. I keep the day as free of stress as possible and try to spend time in quiet reflection.

You may want have a tree planted in his name at a local park. A tree has deep roots in the earth and reaches for the sun - what a beautiful reminder of a child lost. I have a tulip tree that was planted for my dd and sometimes I'll go sit next to it and enjoy the sunshine. It's an amazing feeling.

Either way, be gentle with yourself and expect that you'll need a little more that week. Don't be surprised if you find yourself more angry than usual or sad. These are all normal responses from you body.

You're in my thoughts...


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## rockergirrl (Nov 19, 2001)

for me the anniversary of losing my first child 10/6/99 is now a balance of celebrating death and life. Ironicly I gave birth exactly two years later 10/6/01. My DH and I used to honor our spirit child by going to the ocean or lake and placing a single rose in the water. This is what we did right after we lost her so it helps us feel better. I now have to celebrate the life of my second child on the same day. We believe he is our angle and we see her life in him each day.


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