# almost 4yo won't let me clean her privates



## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

My dd will be 4 in January. She does not wipe well and gets an awful red rash in her labia area. It's very painful for her as you can imagine. Then she will hold her pee until she has an accident which is not healthy for her bladder. When I try to wipe her (even when there's no rash) she insists on doing it herself. When she's taking a bath or shower she won't let me wash that area either. She will let me wipe her after bm's so I take the opportunity to quickly wipe her labia with wet ones during that time if I do it quickly. But that's only once a day, sometimes every other day. I let her soak in the bath but she won't let me wash her. She will wash herself but it's not a very good job. When the rash gets bad dh and I have to hold her down and I will wipe her and put some diaper rash cream. It's pretty upsetting for all of us. She is not listening to reason about this. I have tried to talk to her about it, show her the rash in the mirror, etc.

Help!


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## mama_b (Dec 14, 2004)

That's tough. Maybe try skipping the showers and do all baths. At least that way even if she doesn't wash herself well she's soaking in water everyday.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Do you think she would use a peri bottle of warm water if it was sitting in the bathroom?


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## zeldamomma (Jan 5, 2006)

As the mom of two girls, my first thought is that she shouldn't be getting a rash so often-- I'm sure my girls don't wash their privates well (if at all







), and they've never had a rash. Have you talked to your ped about this? You may already be doing this, but I would try to think of other preventative measures-- 100% cotton undies, nice loose pants, putting a little baking soda in the bath water...

hugs to you both-- it sounds miserable!

ZM


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## Jster (Apr 22, 2003)

Some other things...bubble bath can be very irritating..


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## Lingmom (Apr 10, 2007)

Oh I know this... My older daughter has the same problem, and wants (and needs) her privacy.

The bath is key... also if she needs rash cream, I put it on her finger and she goes in her bedroom and puts it on herself.

You could give her a mirror or have her sit in front of a big mirror so she can see what/where the problem is. That might help with the wiping too.


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## alleyoop (Sep 2, 2007)

Same problem here. It is definitely about the wiping and I talk to DD about wiping well, with little effect. I give her a big wad of paper to wipe with when I can, and lather up her washcloth to hand to her in the bath when she won't let me wash her. Sometimes we do a clean water rinse after sitting in the tub just to make sure there is no soap residue. I do dry her very well after her nightly bath and that seems to help some. FWIW, my ped said it is very common with girls around 4 years of age and he suggested using Balmex on a regular basis.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Thanks for replying! I'm glad it's normal for this age. When she goes, she will just pat the very front top part of her pubic area ,and the part between her legs/labia/vagina is still dripping wet when she puts her undies back on. I never thought about using the mirror to show her how to wipe! Maybe I'll do that with her so she can see exactly where to wipe.


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

Such great suggestions! Perhaps the Wet Ones are irritating her? I'm guessing those things have all sorts of unecessary chemicals.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kawa kamuri* 
Such great suggestions! Perhaps the Wet Ones are irritating her? I'm guessing those things have all sorts of unecessary chemicals.


They are not actually Wet Ones-- sorry I should have specified. They are th flushable wipes for adults-- no scents and stuff. I used to wipe her with one every time she went pee or poop and she did not have a rash. Now she won't let me wipe so she's getting the rash.


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## it's just apples (Oct 15, 2006)

Those flushable wipes are super irritating to me.







I'd just make sure she sits in a bath of plain water once a day. Maybe change her underwear twice a day too? If "drips" are going in her undies that could be really irritating.

The mirror sounds like a great idea!


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alleyoop* 
I give her a big wad of paper to wipe with when I can, and *lather up her washcloth* to hand to her in the bath when she won't let me wash her. Sometimes we do a clean water rinse after sitting in the tub just to make sure there is no soap residue.

This is your problem. No soap is needed to wash the labia. Just water.


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## theretohere (Nov 4, 2005)

My DD1 has this problem, too.
I'm hoping that she learns to wipe better, soon.


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## absinthe (Mar 16, 2004)

I'm confused, my dd (6) has some kind of hang up about wiping when she pees. She just WILL NOT do it. She never has. We also only do baths and never use soap on anybody's genitals. She has never had a rash or irritation of any kind. Can not wiping pee really cause a rash? Could some kind of dye, cleanser or perfume in whatever you are wiping with be causing the rash?


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

We recently went through this problem, it started at school, no toilet paper, just free sitting toilets, no privacy or anything, dd is sensitive and needed to pee and pull up her pants really quickly, hence sore labia and 'hot peepee' as she called it, so much so she was crying







, we worked through the wiping and washing and it's really helped, and if there's no toilet paper she asks the teacher now - she was scared with her previous teacher







:, so it's all passed now. I also ask her to change when she comes in from school so that there's no residue and she wipes with wipes I make up with rose water and sweet almond oil if at all needed.

As for bathing, I have always taught my kids how to wash by themselves really since the time that they can stand securely by themselves, I feel it's very important that a child knows how to wash so that if they are ever in the position where they are bathing and someone other than mum or dad are with them then they are fully capable of controlling the situation themselves - we all hope that that situation never arises, however, things sometimes go out of our control.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *llamalluv* 
This is your problem. No soap is needed to wash the labia. Just water.

I was wondering about this. I think our genitals are pretty self-cleaning. I second the suggestion to a plain water bath daily or every other day. Are you sure it's the drops of urine causing the rash and not something else? Even just vigorous wiping?

How would you feel about letting her use "family cloth" for a little bit to see if that changes anything?


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

You mentioned you are having trouble reasoning with her on it. Whenever my son has a bad rash on his bottom (usually from not wiping well and he has extra sensitive skin like me) I've learned to not try and "over" reason with him.

I simply tell him I have to wipe his skin (with water) and then apply his diaper cream. I don't hold him down (I probably couldn't if I wanted to, he is big for his age and very strong). I just keep repeating that I have to take care of his bottom. We sit and wait until he is ready for me to help. I insist that it has to get done and sometimes he has a tantrum first and sometimes he just settles right down and let's me clean him up.

Maybe next time tell her you will not hold her down but explain it has to get done and you expect her to cooperate. Then, be prepared to wait. This is one that you can win if you can show more patience than her.

I'm not big on using the word "expect" but sometimes it is the one word that really gets through to him. I save it for times when his cooperation is necessary (in parking lots, when he's playing a balance game on the back of the couch, health related things). I just repeat ad naseum (sp?) that I "expect" whatever it is that I need him to do. Any argument he comes back with I just say it again and not engage in arguing with him. I also make sure I give him plenty of time to change his mind (I'll state the expectation and then just wait - I don't reply to everything he comes back with unless I think I've lost his focus).

I have sensitive skin and I remember getting horrible rashes when I was little. When the doc suggested no more bubble baths it cleared right up. Maybe there is another cause???

Best wishes and hugs to you all.


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## alllyssa (Sep 1, 2004)

I would bet that her rash is caused by the soap, not the fact that she isn't getting clean enough. If she takes a plain water bath every night, that's probably enough to get her clean.

BTW, I never wash my DD's genitals with soap, but there probably ends up with some soap in the water while we wash hand, elbows, legs, etc.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Just wanted to post an update. We had a talk in front of the mirror and she was really amazed at what she had down there.







She's been doing a lot better with wiping and so far no rash.









I rarely use soap on her privates, and the only soap that makes it into the bathwater is baby shampoo from when I rinse her hair-- and I've been using that on both my kids for years with no rash problems. My oldest got a bad rash with some cheap bubble bath once.


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## loudmama (Mar 12, 2005)

My DD has sensitive skin, including her yoni. We use only California Baby Products, scent free detergent & scent free liquid fabric softener. No dryer sheets. We also remind her to open up & look at her inner labia after she takes a bath or showers. She seems to collect fuzz or something. She gently wipes it out herself. It seems to be working.

Her Dr reminded us that girls have very little fat down there & obviously no hair. That makes it just prone more easily to irritation than adult women.

L


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