# nursery worker at church



## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

I have started taking DD to the nursery at church when the praise and worship time is over. Some sundays she is very receptive to going to play and other sundays she gets clingy the moment the music stops.

So I took her back sunday and she seemed fine. Ran down the hallway to the nursery, started playing.....I sat down to let her get acclimated and then I was going to leave. The nursery worker told me I needed to leave. I said no I would wait a few minutes to see that DD was ok. She said she would only cry a minute that she need to realize I would come back. I said something to the effect of, that she would have plenty to cry about in life, being left in the church nursery to cry was not a memory I wanted her to have. She said they would not remember and if I was not going to leave her why come back. I explained that I watched her cues. When I sensed she was ready for me to leave I would go. Well dd was listening to this whole charade. When she heard the word go, she burst into tears. Obviously she was not ready. So we sat down and nursed. So then she started in on a story with another nursery worker about how nursing after 6 months is pure manipulation on the childs part....I was ready to put her out of her misery. So I nursed DD, Put her down and told her I was going to go bye-bye. She said bye, and then the nursery worker picked her up and she started screaming again. Aparently in her misery she also wet herself and they had to put a diaper on her. When I came back after service she was very embarrsed. I asked her what was wrong and she lifted up her dress.

So. Next week how do I handle this better? There are 4 or 5 nursery workers but this one is always the "boss" she talks loud, handles the kids rough. I am sometime reluctant to leave....

I have thought about taking her to the 2-5 year class but they wont take her until she agrees to go in "like a big girl"


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I would not leave my child in that environment.

-Angela


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I would not leave my child in that environment.

-Angela

I wouldn't leave a child there either. In fact, I might "shop around" for another church, if there's another one of your denomination in your area. Otherwise, I don't know, talk to the other parents and see if anyone else could join you in trying to force change?


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
So. Next week how do I handle this better? There are 4 or 5 nursery workers but this one is always the "boss" she talks loud, handles the kids rough. I am sometime reluctant to leave....

I think your reluctance to leave comes from a very real concern that your dd is not being well cared for in this nursery. It sounds like their kind of "care" is not the kind your dd needs. If this woman is the boss, then the other caregivers probably do as she does, no matter how loving they might be in other situations. If this woman disagrees so wholeheartedly with your parenting, she might try extra hard to treat your child in the way *she* thinks is best.

Your dd probably won't have any *conscious* memory of this nursery, but the memory is in her body on some level.

Can you just keep her in church with you? If not, do you have a friend or family member you can leave her with so that you can go to church alone? Or...can you look for a new church? One that welcomes children to be there during the service or at least has a loving nursery?


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## pink gal (Feb 27, 2008)

Is there someone on the ministry staff that you could talk to? At my chuch we have a children's ministry director and this is something that she would want to be aware of and would handle with education for the nursery worker.


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## Mama_Leah (Aug 1, 2007)

Exactly why I don't leave my kids in church nurseries! I'm sure most of them are very nice but there can be just that one person that is just "doing their duty" instead of doing it because they like kids.

Our church is integrated, all our kids stay with us through the entire service. If someone gets antsy or loud we just take them out for a few minutes. Sometimes it seems like we are "out" more than "in" but we can still hear the message so it works.


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## purple_kangaroo (Feb 20, 2006)

I would find out who is in charge of the children's ministry and talk with them.


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## purple_kangaroo (Feb 20, 2006)

Oh, and one other thing . . . I would probably volunteer to be a helper in that class, at least for a few weeks, so I could watch what went on and help my child get acclimated to the class. They can almost always use extra help . . . you'll probably have to let them do a background check, etc. before you can be an official helper. But you should be able to stay in with your child even without that, just to help her get comfortable.

At our church they have no problem whatsoever with parents staying in the class with their kids . . . it's one less crying kid for the childcare workers to manage, besides that it can be good for the kids.


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

nak

I love the preaching.

would no want to go looking for a new church again. I left one about 4 months ago after the kids in the youth group told me about there sunday school lesson.

The whol nursery thing bugs me. Also they have a tv that show baby einstien ( oh all movies you could play during CHURCH) We have what they call the fireside room that is really a type of over flow area. I have taken her in there before but she is kinda loud. And I like the idea of her getting to play with other kids bc she is my only one and I stay home with her.

How would you approach the childrens pastor about this with out sounding like a freak mom. I know most of my ways are "out there" even my mom did not think the nursery worker was out of line.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Honestly I would not leave my child in that nursery and I say this as someone who had to stop going to church when my dd was almost a year. My experiences with church nurseries has been that the workers don't really have any training as far as child development, they are often volunteers, I know because I signed up.

Personally my own dd's personality even at almost 3 is that she does not do the nursery unless either dh or dd is with us, I have never at any church been told we couldn't stay. Most are happy since that means one less kid to watch.

I find in general most church nurseries don't mesh well with our dd's personality.

Shay


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
nak

I love the preaching.

would no want to go looking for a new church again. I left one about 4 months ago after the kids in the youth group told me about there sunday school lesson.

The whol nursery thing bugs me. Also they have a tv that show baby einstien ( oh all movies you could play during CHURCH) We have what they call the fireside room that is really a type of over flow area. I have taken her in there before but she is kinda loud. And I like the idea of her getting to play with other kids bc she is my only one and I stay home with her.

How would you approach the childrens pastor about this with out sounding like a freak mom. I know most of my ways are "out there" even my mom did not think the nursery worker was out of line.

I hear ya about liking a church and not wanting to leave. Until she is comfy with the nursery, can you and your dp trade off Sundays.. meaning 1 Sunday you stay with her in the nursery and the next your partner does? That's what me and my dh do when we attend church, I would think the more you attend that your dd might feel more comfy with the nursery.

Shay


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## Sarahbunny (Jun 13, 2006)

I would just tell her "I will leave when I am ready too, so please don't trouble yourself about it" - and then I would do that.

And I would talk to the Children's Ministry director about it. The way to grow a church is to have a FRIENDLY and well-run nursery. Not to force the parents to leave them.


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## shantimama (Mar 11, 2002)

Ugh - sounds like a yucky experience. When my little ones were toddlers, I often stayed with them in the nursery or volunteered to help out. The "head lady" was a lot like the one you described but I didn't take much from her. When she told me I had to leave, I said we would be going straight home because I wasn't about to do something that was wrong for my child. As I stayed and 'volunteered' more I came to really enjoy it. When I saw a little one who was upset I found ways to play with and comfort them until their parents returned. The other woman would roll her yes and say that the kids needed to learn to get over it







but eventually she seemed relieved that there was someone else around - and that the little ones weren't crying so much. I missed being able to be in the worship service, but that season in our life really didn't last forever. Whenever I heard comments about breastfeeding or AP that were negative and judgmental, I wold politely offer accurate information. Eventually she seemed to accept it better - and she also moved on to volunteering elsewhere in the church because it turned out she didn't really like little kids









My dh is a minister. When there are little ones in the church making noise he smiles at them and somehow includes their "interruption" in whatever is going on. Gradually the older people have become very accepting of the children's presence in worship. He also lets them know that there is a nursery if they would prefer to have a space for their children to play - and that there is someone there to care for their child, or if they would prefer, there is a speaker in the nursery so they can still listen to the service if they think their child needs them to stay with them. He is proactive in asking AP-friendly people to volunteer for the nursery and when people who are not child or A friendly volunteer he lets them know that there isn't a need for many more nursery help - is there something else they would be interested in doing?


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

I would not be at all comfortable leaving my child in such a situation. Even if you wait till she is comfortable with you leaving, it sounds like they would not come and get you if she became upset after you left.

Have you considered converting? Ok, I'm joking, but I just don't get churches that don't welcome children into the service. My church doesn't even have a nursery, children are considered important enough to be included in the service. They even have special childrens sermons once a month where the priest invites the LO up to participate.


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

I can not trade sundays becasue I am a single mom. I am thinking about just taking her to the nursery, staying with her. Then come monday watch the service on the internet.....


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## pghgranola (Jun 22, 2007)

dd sits with me during the entire service. i FILL the diaper bag with books, soft toys, little cars, coloring books/crayons, and snacks. our service is about an hour long and she is occupied the entire time.

would that work for you?


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pghgranola* 
dd sits with me during the entire service. i FILL the diaper bag with books, soft toys, little cars, coloring books/crayons, and snacks. our service is about an hour long and she is occupied the entire time.

would that work for you?

That's what I was going to say also. I keep mine with me. That nursery sounds...well, I wouldn't let my kid stay, sounds bad.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eepster* 
I just don't get churches that don't welcome children into the service. My church doesn't even have a nursery, children are considered important enough to be included in the service. They even have special childrens sermons once a month where the priest invites the LO up to participate.

I get it. Our minister and his wife have 4 small children, and he always says he enjoys the "sounds of children" in the sanctuary. Children of any age certainly are welcome to stay, but our dd goes to the nursery. DS is with us through praise music and then goes to children's church. I think he gets far more from children's church than he would in an adult service, and honestly I like being able to concentrate on the sermon rather than occupy 2 squirming kids.

As for the OP, I don't think I'd leave my children with someone who didn't seem to want me there. I probably would watch the service online and skip Sunday altogether. Personally if I'm going to sit in the nursery, then *for me*, there's not a huge point in going. I could be home doing something else with my time and then getting spiritual fulfillment elsewhere. We're in the midst of a church crisis ourselves, so I'm sympathetic. I wish churches came with handouts saying, "hey, we consider ourselves conservative Christians. We support the death penalty, oppose gay rights, and fund crisis pregnancy centers." Then I could move on, and people who agree with that could join up. How much easier life would be...


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## tsume (Jun 4, 2005)

I wouldn't leave my little one there.

I would either

volunteer in the nursery until dd became comfortable enough to stay on her own

bring a bag of goodies (books, crayons, paper, quiet toys, snacks) and sit in the service or over flow area with her.

Our third (6/06) has started resisting going to service. Either one of us stays home with her or we sit in the cry area with her.


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## purple_kangaroo (Feb 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I wish churches came with handouts saying, "hey, we consider ourselves conservative Christians. We support the death penalty, oppose gay rights, and fund crisis pregnancy centers." Then I could move on, and people who agree with that could join up. How much easier life would be...

IME, most churches don't take an official position on those things. Individuals may lean one way or the other, the pastor may have his own personal views, etc., but the details aren't official church positions, taught from the pulpit, or required for members to believe. I don't think the death penalty, for example, has ever been mentioned by anyone at my church in my hearing, either for or against.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I wouldn't leave a child there either. In fact, I might "shop around" for another church, if there's another one of your denomination in your area. Otherwise, I don't know, talk to the other parents and see if anyone else could join you in trying to force change?

Before I shopped around for another church I would go to the pastor (if there is more than one go to them all!) and the Parish Ed or whatever committee oversee the nursery. Be loud! If you DO end up leaving, make sure you inform all the above people why, especially if they did nothing about this person.
(I am a church nursery worker and someone like that would NOT last in our nursery).
What I encourage parents to do is come in early ( early service, SS hour) and volunteer, then see if the child is comfortable with mom, dad, etc leaving.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purple_kangaroo* 
IME, most churches don't take an official position on those things. Individuals may lean one way or the other, the pastor may have his own personal views, etc., but the details aren't official church positions, taught from the pulpit, or required for members to believe. I don't think the death penalty, for example, has ever been mentioned by anyone at my church in my hearing, either for or against.

Not to hijack, but unfortunately I grew up in an area where it's all too common for churches to have a position on political issues. I once was in a sermon while I was in college where the pastor said, "if you're a Democrat, you can't possibly be a good Christian." So I got up and left (and would if someone had said the same for Republicans), but there you go. I'm jaded right now because we joined a denomination that professes not to take political stances, but our sermon 2 weeks ago was basically an ad for a local crisis pregnancy center, which I find horribly distasteful.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I don't know if you can handle the situation any better than you already did. I think you did great! It's very hard to deal with people that are our opposite's or who just flat out disagree with our held belief's. I would do as you have done and stay until your DD is ready for you to leave, but I would speak to your pastor about the situation. Explain that you don't feel safe leaving your child there while this lady is in the nursery. I just wouldn't leave her there- when that lady is there. You need to have a "safe" place to have some adult time, and if church is that place for you- then you need to make it safe for your DD. You need a place that she can be looked after with minimal issues, so that you can connect with yourself and other adults in a positive way. Speak to the pastor, children's minister get this resolved because she isn't this way with ONLY your DD- she is like this with all the children, and maybe they don't protest like yours is. Now that she (dd) has told you about this lady- what are you going to do about it?


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## veronicalynne (Nov 4, 2006)

I would never ever leave my kid in that environment at all.


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## madis81 (Jun 16, 2005)

My husband is a children's pastor and I know that he would want to hear your concerns. Nursery workers are there to minister (that doesn't mean watching Little Einsten's) to young ones, not to belittle parenting choices and whatnot. You should really speak with the person who directly oversees the nursery. That may be the children's pastor or the early childhood director about your concerns. You could just tell he/she that you are concerned and explain that your experiance in the nursery was not a pleasant one and that you were offended by the nursery worker. You won't come off as a freak mom, just a concerned mama, and a good children's pastor will be understanding and will address the concern in some manner. I would also be asking why they let the kids watch Little Eisteins in church... the first 5 years are so important in developing... they aquire and learn so much.... these are formative years! And watching Little Einsteins is more if a babysitting tool then a learning tool (the idea that these videos help young kids learn has been debunked!). Children are not passive receivers of knowledge; they are active participants in their learning!


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## althara (Jan 21, 2007)

Her telling you that you couldn't be there really threw up a red flag for me. You have to right to be with your child anywhere your child goes, period. And anyone who tells you different should not be trusted IMO.


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## Equuskia (Dec 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *althara* 
Her telling you that you couldn't be there really threw up a red flag for me. You have to right to be with your child anywhere your child goes, period. And anyone who tells you different should not be trusted IMO.

I thought the same thing. If they are volunteers, they should be happy there is someone extra to lend a hand, not trying to push them out the door.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madis81* 
I would also be asking why they let the kids watch Little Eisteins in church... the first 5 years are so important in developing... they aquire and learn so much.... these are formative years! And watching Little Einsteins is more if a babysitting tool then a learning tool (the idea that these videos help young kids learn has been debunked!). Children are not passive receivers of knowledge; they are active participants in their learning!

You're thinking of Baby Einstein, not Little Einsteins. Little Einsteins is a cartoon for slightly older kids.

I've never been in a church where the nursery wasn't a babysitting tool. We've been in all types of church, from our current one with 300 or so members to a mega-church with several thousand. Nursery is for children under 3, and whoever is there watches them until their parents are done. I'm not sure why people are acting as if church nursery workers need some sort of training on child development. In reality, this is 1-2 hours, not a daily thing.

This nursery worker needs to decide whether or not she even wants to be there. What you need for quality nursery workers is someone who enjoys being around children and can keep them safe and happy until their parents return. My grandmother loves to work in the nursery at her church because she really enjoys rocking babies and playing with them. That's what you need.

Truthfully I don't see where the child was in any danger of being mistreated. The OP didn't like the way *she* was treated, and that's a valid concern. Some parents - me, for example - wouldn't want to be told each time Kate cries, so I don't view that as any kind of child abuse. I assume if she falls, she'll cry and that someone will take care of it. I only need to be told or retrieved from service if she's inconsolable. The BF comment was rude, but that's the end of it. She's not going to be BF the OP's child anyway.


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

At our church the parents let the children's ministry worker know if they wants to be fetched immediately if thier child cries or if they tend to stop quickly so stick it out and try this or that first. My son and the pastor's youngest both want mom most of the time so we end up in there with our kids and another little girl who does fine without her mom and dad. We're on a rotation but since that's how it generally works out we send the caregiver back to the sanctuary and just stay once we've been summoned.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

She is probably right about the crying for a minute thing, I have seen kids cry for about half a minute after their parents leave in the most heartbreaking type of cry every day and then once their parent is gone they are fine. I have also seen parents who drag out their leaving and their child has a complete meltdown once they actually do leave and has a hard time actually coping with them leaving. It may be that she sees your child having a very hard time once you are gone and the other children do just fine after their initial one minute of crying and she is trying to stand up for your child. It is very common for people to work around primarily kids to be blunt about telling parents what they see as in the child's best interest.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
She is probably right about the crying for a minute thing, I have seen kids cry for about half a minute after their parents leave in the most heartbreaking type of cry every day and then once their parent is gone they are fine. I have also seen parents who drag out their leaving and their child has a complete meltdown once they actually do leave and has a hard time actually coping with them leaving. It may be that she sees your child having a very hard time once you are gone and the other children do just fine after their initial one minute of crying and she is trying to stand up for your child. It is very common for people to work around primarily kids to be blunt about telling parents what they see as in the child's best interest.

And very common for them to be completely wrong. No way would I leave my kid again. Especially if their way of handling a potty accident is to put the kid in a diaper without mentioning it to mom.

These years go by quickly. Go for the part of the service you enjoy, play outside or around the grounds until the service is over, stay for the social part and catch the part you missed on the internet.

Honestly, the nursery folks sound like asshats to me, but that's jmho. I wouldn't want them influencing my kid's early feelings about church.


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I wouldn't leave a child there either. In fact, I might "shop around" for another church, if there's another one of your denomination in your area. Otherwise, I don't know, talk to the other parents and see if anyone else could join you in trying to force change?

Exactly. Okay, I have to admit that as an atheist I don't see the appeal of church, but even if I did go I would have certain expectations of how my family and I would be treated. Unless every member of your family is treated with kindness, understanding, and respect during your entire time at the church then you owe it to them to leave. And perhaps, if you want, tell the pastor the reason why you are leaving.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
And very common for them to be completely wrong. No way would I leave my kid again. Especially if their way of handling a potty accident is to put the kid in a diaper without mentioning it to mom.

These years go by quickly. Go for the part of the service you enjoy, play outside or around the grounds until the service is over, stay for the social part and catch the part you missed on the internet.

Honestly, the nursery folks sound like asshats to me, but that's jmho. I wouldn't want them influencing my kid's early feelings about church.

Unless you are actually video taping the whole exchange you would have no idea if they were wrong. It may also be that they put her in a diaper because the parent didn't provide extra clothes and that is what their policy is. Unless you have a discussion with a provider about what is going on, with no kids present, there is no real way to determine what is going on. I think it is silly to jump to the conclusion that the provider is just being an ass when it may be the parent who is causing the problem. From what I saw in daycare, when a child had a hard time adjusting it was either the parent or an illness. I also find it hard to believe that every other child in there does well except this one but it is the teacher's that have the problem and not the one family. If you talk to the other parents and they also have a problem then you should definitely not use the nursery any more and if you get a bad feeling when you talk to the provider than you should avoid it like the plague, but if the other parents and their children are happy with what is going on and the kids are happy overall when you drop in then you should look at what you are doing to cause your child to have a tough adjustment.

You should also make sure to give them a change of clothes and tell them under which circumstances you want to be called from the service to get her, it may be that many parents at the church don't want to be called out for crying or an accident so they don't call parents for those things. You need to make sure you know the rules they are following for things like that and tell them the adjustments you want made for your child and if they don't want to follow them then leave..


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

The provider is being an ass in front of the parent. There's no reason to believe they are all sweetness and light when the parent is gone.

Parents know their kids many 1000s of time better than a Sunday nursery worker is going to. If the parent needs to transition their kid, the nursery worker should be respectful of that.

If the nursery worker thinks "kids" all need the same thing, she is wrong.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

But if the nursery worker has seen this child have a pattern of not being able to adjust and she is trying to stand up for what she believes to be in the child's best interest then I don't think she is being an ass. Her personal belief on breastfeeding is way off and she shouldn't have shared it, she should also have been more tactful if that is what is going on, but there is only one side of the story being shared on this board and there are two sides to all stories. Assuming that the parent is the only one that is right in all cases just because they know their child is stupid. Children act differently in childcare than they do at home, sometimes dramatically differently and the only one that can tell you how your child is acting in childcare is the caregiver. It sounds like this lady does need to work on being blunt about what is going on with the child during the time she is there, but that is not an easy skill even for professional caregivers. Even my daughter's teachers have a hard time expressing themselves accurately when they have not had time to form what they are saying, she should have waited to speak until she planned what she wanted to say but that doesn't mean that there isn't something going on that the parent needs to know about.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
The nursery worker told me I needed to leave.
She said she would only cry a minute that she need to realize I would come back.
She said they would not remember and if I was not going to leave her why come back.
So then she started in on a story with another nursery worker about how nursing after 6 months is pure manipulation on the childs part
Aparently in her misery she also wet herself and they had to put a diaper on her. [OP's dd] was very embarrsed.
*this one is always the "boss" she talks loud, handles the kids rough.*

That enough acting like an asshat for me not to need a videotape. She has very strange ideas about children and treats them badly. She has strange ideas about parents and treat them badly.

This is not a regular DCP: It's a church nursery worker. She sees this child for less than an hour a week.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

That doesn't mean that she doesn't see something going on with the child. Perhaps the child acts like this every week. If it was me, I would want to know what is going on so that the next place I take my child I could trouble shoot problems. It is also very common for people to have trouble with other people's communication towards children and for GD parents to view other people as bossy towards children. It is also common for people who are bossy to be blunt even when ther is a problem they need to be clear about. If she has been this way all along though and the parent still chose to put her there for a long period of time, as she did, then she must have been okay with it until it became apparant that the child was miserable to even to her. Clearly the parent needs to do some investigating or needs to leave. If this doesn't happen at the next church then I will freely admit that this woman is an ass, but it may and that is why I am saying that she needs to talk to this lady to find out if she is seeing something even if it is just once a week.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

No, no . no. This person does not respect you or your child. Leave and do not return!


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I don't see any reason to leave the church or investigate the nursery any more than she already has.

It's not blunt to have a conversation about manipulative babies in front of a nursing mother. It's passive aggressive, rude and disrespectful. If my child was screaming and wetting herself at being left with people who diaper a PL child and don't mention it to the mother on p/u, saw the "boss" of the nursery handling children roughly, and got lectured that it doesn't matter if my child cried because they wouldn't remember it....

Well, that would be plenty for me to know that the person had no business caring for people too young to speak for themselves.

These years pass really quickly. Using that nursery is not worth anything one might get from attending the service while the child is there.


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

My daughter is not the only one that has issues with the nursery. One little girl crys the ENTIRE time her mom is gone. When I asked why no one tired to comfort her they say she is an only child and only mommy can calm her down they have given up. Another child just sits in the corner for the two hours. He does not look up just plays with his shoe laces. So my daughter may have a hard time adjusting but she is not the only one.

I have also just dropped her off to see if that would make the seperation easier, so she would only cry for half a minute. They came and got me bc she had made herself throwup from crying so hard.

As for the movie issue it was LITTLE einstien, I do not let my daughter watch disney(for reasons that discussing would violate ua) when I mentioned this they said the kids dont really watch it anyway. So it is on for what reason?

Sunday when she pottied on herself, I had to told the workers that she would need to potty in about 30 minutes. IF she needed to go to take her. I showed them the sign for potty and well as told them her word for "pee" and had her repeat it to her worker. She said ok, that taking the kids to the potty was done on the hour (if they were potty age, only once for diapers) Anyway so I also told her that I had a cloth diaper , just in case. I am not mad that they put a diaper on her, I am upset that she was embarssed. A worker who I DO like said that she tried to tell her worker several times she had to go potty but the worker got distracted.

I have tried making a goody bag so she can stay in the main sermon but she is just starting to talk and learning to "shush" It is actually kinda cute" mama, mama we shush shush shush" over and over again. I think she is reminding herself that she has to be quiet. But it is quite loud.

On the other hand I do like her to have the op. to play with the other kids. I like chatting with some of the moms(one who comes to mdc) its just the whole pkg deal

I do like the one idea of just getting our social needs met ( coffee, chitchat) then watching the sermon on the net.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
Unless you are actually video taping the whole exchange you would have no idea if they were wrong. It may also be that they put her in a diaper because the parent didn't provide extra clothes and that is what their policy is. Unless you have a discussion with a provider about what is going on, with no kids present, there is no real way to determine what is going on. I think it is silly to jump to the conclusion that the provider is just being an ass when it may be the parent who is causing the problem. From what I saw in daycare, when a child had a hard time adjusting it was either the parent or an illness. I also find it hard to believe that every other child in there does well except this one but it is the teacher's that have the problem and not the one family. If you talk to the other parents and they also have a problem then you should definitely not use the nursery any more and if you get a bad feeling when you talk to the provider than you should avoid it like the plague, but if the other parents and their children are happy with what is going on and the kids are happy overall when you drop in then you should look at what you are doing to cause your child to have a tough adjustment.

You should also make sure to give them a change of clothes and tell them under which circumstances you want to be called from the service to get her, it may be that many parents at the church don't want to be called out for crying or an accident so they don't call parents for those things. You need to make sure you know the rules they are following for things like that and tell them the adjustments you want made for your child and if they don't want to follow them then leave..

You can't be serious.

WOW

Just Wow

OP...I would definitely talk to whoever is in charge of the nursery and try to find out what their policies are and whether or not the worker was violating any of them. Please don't eave your daughter if you don;t feel comfortable.

I spent a lot of time in church nurseries and sunday school and I had some really bad experiences (of course good ones too!!) with some of the care providers. I remember burning my leg (so badly that my tights were melting) on a baseboard heater at church when I was 4. We were in a prayer circle when it happened. I tried to tell the "teacher" what had happened...she just said "Shut Up-We're Praying!"







:
I never had to go back to that group.

Just because it is a church doesn't mean they will treat your kids with respect, unfortunately.

.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

I just read your most recent post.

I would not send her their anymore.

I think that sounds like a VERY BAD environment. If there is a kid sitting in the corner just staring at his shoelaces the entire time and other kids are crying the whole time...those sound like MAJOR RED FLAGS that something is VERY WRONG.

I am sorry that it is working out this way. It sounds like you really like this church.

BTW Happy early Birthday to your dd...that is my birthday too!!

.


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

Thanks for the birthday greeting. She was expected to be born on Mothers day, but they took her on the 24th. Should have waited 4 more days and we could have shared a birthday









I am on the church website looking for info on who to contact. I dont feel like it is the Adult pastor, but the only child person I found is the church school pastor.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

Contact him/her anyway! The more people who know, the better.


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## Felicitymom (Jul 28, 2004)

You actually couldn't pay me to leave my child there..... I would not leave my child in the company of this women.... ever. ANd to be perfectly honest... if I liked the church and everything else I would complain and confront and initiate change.

N


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Nevaehsmommy- I hear you that you don't want to give up your church. I know it can be very distracting to have kids in the service with you. Mine are very active and can get noisy, too. It's only for a short time in their life, though.

Is there some other way that your dd can get the opportunity to socialize? This mom that you know at the church, can you set up a play date with her elsewhere at another time?

I really believe that if your gut is telling you not to leave her in the nursery, you should not leave her there. Your examples of the other kids crying and not being comforted or sitting in the corner the whole time sound really bad to me. Also, the fact that your dd asked to be taken to the bathroom and the caregiver got distracted and didn't take her would worry me. Especially since another caregiver was aware of her need to go to the bathroom, but didn't step in and take your dd herself. It seems like a strange way of doing things. Going to the bathroom is a basic need. And your dd was embarrassed about wetting herself and being put in a diaper.

My dd was born on May 25th. You also have a Memorial Day baby!


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
*She is probably right about the crying for a minute thing,* I have seen kids cry for about half a minute after their parents leave in the most heartbreaking type of cry every day and then once their parent is gone they are fine. *I have also seen parents who drag out their leaving and their child has a complete meltdown once they actually do leave and has a hard time actually coping with them leaving.* It may be that she sees your child having a very hard time once you are gone and the other children do just fine after their initial one minute of crying and she is trying to stand up for your child. It is very common for people to work around primarily kids to be blunt about telling parents what they see as in the child's best interest.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
Unless you are actually video taping the whole exchange you would have no idea if they were wrong. It may also be that they put her in a diaper because the parent didn't provide extra clothes and that is what their policy is. Unless you have a discussion with a provider about what is going on, with no kids present, there is no real way to determine what is going on. *I think it is silly to jump to the conclusion that the provider is just being an ass when it may be the parent who is causing the problem. From what I saw in daycare, when a child had a hard time adjusting it was either the parent* or an illness. I also find it hard to believe that every other child in there does well except this one but it is the teacher's that have the problem and not the one family. If you talk to the other parents and they also have a problem then you should definitely not use the nursery any more and if you get a bad feeling when you talk to the provider than you should avoid it like the plague, but if the other parents and their children are happy with what is going on and the kids are happy overall when you drop in then *you should look at what you are doing to cause your child to have a tough adjustment.*

You should also make sure to give them a change of clothes and tell them under which circumstances you want to be called from the service to get her, it may be that many parents at the church don't want to be called out for crying or an accident so they don't call parents for those things. You need to make sure you know the rules they are following for things like that and tell them the adjustments you want made for your child and if they don't want to follow them then leave..


Really?

I think that you should re-read the stuff that you posted.

I think it is LUDICROUS to even SUGGEST that she is causing the problems. That teacher sounds like a nutbag


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

thats terrible!! I took my dd to a church nursery while my ds was in the preschool room, and I never could leave her either... So i stayed in there with her for an entire year.... then next year I taught in the preschool room with her....


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

One of the reasons I chose my church was because of how much respect they show the children. I would leave a church where babies and children weren't shown respect.


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

mamatomygirls- How did you choose the church or what stuck out to you? We have been looking for churchs with a playgorund and minivans in the parking lot. A church with a school seemed even better.


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## lava mama (Jan 2, 2007)

I'm so sorry that the church whose sermon you like has a crappy nursery program. Yuck!

My DH and I volunteer to be the nursery leaders in our church. I would KILL to have more parents like you--parents who actually listen to their children's cues and respect their child's needs even if it is not convenient. It does get tiring taking the same kid to their parents/grandparents for the gazillionth time, only to have them brought back in and deserted, then start a full-blown meltdown, repeat ad nauseum.

The purpose for the nursery is not so the parents can have a "break" but so the children can have a good church experience too. I'm sorry your daughter isn't receiving that good experience at the church nursery!


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

Wow, I'm so sorry that you're going through this! I would definitely tell anybody and everybody that you can find - especially the pastor/priest (?). If you're finding affirmation in his sermons, then it's likely that he will listen to your concerns about the nursery. I know that so many churches (if they are wise) view their nurseries as a "marketing tool." And I don't mean that negatively - it's just that a parent who is comfortable with entrusting her child to the care of church workers is more likely to become involved in the church's other ministries - and if the child is happy, a family will remain.

I'd suggest that you ask what sort of training the children's ministry workers go through. There are quite a few different training protocols that are pretty simple (it's not like they're getting teaching certification or anything). It's important that child care workers 1) are aware of and are willing to represent the church's belief in the value of children, 2) have very specific guidelines which are consistently followed in regards to discipline, safety, etc. - you have a right to know these - they should be published for all parents, and 3) demonstrate, first and foremost, the gentleness and loving kindness of Christ towards the children in their care.

I think your pastor would be very pleased to hear from a mom who is keenly interested in remaining within his congregation. It's not just your child that is being treated this way, as you've said; you'll be serving those children too if you voice your concerns.










P.S. It's clear to me that you are *IN NO WAY* the cause of the problem.


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## JessC (Jul 5, 2006)

I was at my church for about 15 years before I ever had kids, so I was attached. So I understand wanting to make it work.
I have talked to the higher-ups, they understand that
*my kids don't cry. If they cry, I am paged. (none of the other parents do this)
*only I change diapers, (this for my older special needs kid, for his privacy)
*I have sat through services in the nursery...
I have also talked to individual nursery workers, as I am sitting in the nursery demand-feeding over, and over, and over again.







. It's amazing, when you just casually talk about WHY you do what you do, you can gain their respect.

Should I _have_ to prove that my parenting decisions are thought through? No. But if someone just doesn't get it, and in their ignorance are not dealing with my kids the way I want, it's worth the time.


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## elizawill (Feb 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
nak

How would you approach the childrens pastor about this with out sounding like a freak mom. I know most of my ways are "out there" even my mom did not think the nursery worker was out of line.

the way you explained yourself here sounds very good & i'm sure the children's pastor will be very receptive to you. church staff hear so much from members of the congeregation all.of.the.time about a million different issues.... she will not think anything negative about you and will probably appreciate you taking the time to talk with her (instead of just leaving the church). i'm so sorry this has happened. hugs to you.


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## GamineNoir (Aug 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *althara* 
Her telling you that you couldn't be there really threw up a red flag for me. You have to right to be with your child anywhere your child goes, period. And anyone who tells you different should not be trusted IMO.









:


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pink gal* 
Is there someone on the ministry staff that you could talk to? At my chuch we have a children's ministry director and this is something that she would want to be aware of and would handle with education for the nursery worker.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *warriorprincess* 
Before I shopped around for another church I would go to the pastor (if there is more than one go to them all!) and the Parish Ed or whatever committee oversee the nursery. Be loud! If you DO end up leaving, make sure you inform all the above people why, especially if they did nothing about this person.

Yeah all the above. Don't just leave and don't just complain to ther parents, talk to the people in charge. And the two situations (child sitting in corner and child crying for the WHOLE time sound terrible. I wouldn't leave my DC at all.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
How would you approach the childrens pastor about this with out sounding like a freak mom. I know most of my ways are "out there" even my mom did not think the nursery worker was out of line.

I'd say that you have some concerns you'd like to discuss and this is why you're not comfortable leaving DC in the nursery.


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
mamatomygirls- How did you choose the church or what stuck out to you? We have been looking for churchs with a playgorund and minivans in the parking lot. A church with a school seemed even better.

Me?
I went because I knew a few people who had gone. And then I went on Christmas Eve and I fell in love. ALL the children were in the Nativity. The littlest ones were sheep and they were rolling on the floor. The adults laughed and laughed. They weren't judgemental because the little guys weren't doing what they were "supposed to." And the minister ended the service buy talking about laughter and joy and that's what I want in a church.
It's a United Church of Christ. (Kind of famous right now with Obama's church being one as well.)
Mamas nurse in the pews. There is a nursery but not everyone uses it. Some people keep their kids with them, some don't.
My favorite thing is the Children's Time. The kids stay with parents for the first half and then they go to the stage and either sing or talk about what they are donating to which charity. It's lovely. People really get what kids act like. (Like, last Sunday we were leaving and my daughter got waaaay to close to two elderly women also leaving. One was leaning heavily on a cane and I really thought that dd would knock her over. I said, "Sorry. We're working on manners. Some days are better than others."
Both women smiled and said, "We've all been there.")
Anyhow, I was impressed by the way they treat children more than just that there are children there, kwim?


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## RockStarMom (Sep 11, 2005)

I would absolutely never send my child back there. And I would absolutely make it known why.
Do you know any families outside of church that you could swap childcare with so that you could go to the service every week or every other week?


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## ThreeJane (Mar 8, 2003)

I agree with the poster ahead of me. Maybe childcare so you can go to church?

The nursery worker being "rough" with other kids means she's "rough" with your child. Not acceptable. To argue with you and belittle you when you don't agree means she'll have no problem doing the same with your child.

Big.red.flags = not.ever.again

Our church nursery has volunteers who really DO like being around the kids, who encourage parents to be in there if they like (no speakers in there, unfortunately). My girls like to go to nursery (they're pulling me through the door the second we get there, yelling, "Nussey! Nussey!") They CAN be in the service any time they want. I'm very leery of churches with an unspoken (or not) "requirement" that children be in nursery or class.

I hope you're able to solve this but I would not put your daughter in that position again. She cannot defend herself, but you can, by using good decisions based on your feelings and the facts being presented. Good luck ,mama.


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## mama2mason (May 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Honestly I would not leave my child in that nursery and I say this as someone who had to stop going to church when my dd was almost a year. My experiences with church nurseries has been that the workers don't really have any training as far as child development, they are often volunteers, I know because I signed up.

Personally my own dd's personality even at almost 3 is that she does not do the nursery unless either dh or dd is with us, I have never at any church been told we couldn't stay. Most are happy since that means one less kid to watch.

I find in general most church nurseries don't mesh well with our dd's personality.

Shay


I wholeheartedly agree with this. As an Early Childhood Educator, Child Development Associate, Montessori Directress, and mom, it REALLY bothers me that the majority of church nurseries have no requirements for education and/or experience. And, with all due respect to religions of all kinds, just because someone is religious doesn't make them necessarily a "good" person. Just because someone is a member of your church doesn't mean they are qualified to care for young children, nor does it mean that they have a clear criminal background, etc. We prefer to keep our child with us during services, and thus seek out a church that welcomes and embraces that. I agree with pp, I wouldn't leave my child in that environment.


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## mama2mason (May 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
She is probably right about the crying for a minute thing, I have seen kids cry for about half a minute after their parents leave in the most heartbreaking type of cry every day and then once their parent is gone they are fine. I have also seen parents who drag out their leaving and their child has a complete meltdown once they actually do leave and has a hard time actually coping with them leaving. It may be that she sees your child having a very hard time once you are gone and the other children do just fine after their initial one minute of crying and she is trying to stand up for your child. It is very common for people to work around primarily kids to be blunt about telling parents what they see as in the child's best interest.

Agreed, to some respect. Many times when I was teaching, I would encourage the parents to make their goodbyes short, positive and upbeat. And yes, I would explain that a quick exit after that is generally the best thing. But I would ALWAYS encourage them to wait in the lobby, outside the door, etc. just to feel better, and reassure themselves, as well as to be sure child does okay transitioning. As a teacher, I have also seen how children can cry and fuss during a goodbye, and then be fine when the parent leaves. But this nursery worker did NOT explain that in a gentle way, or offer any support/encouragement at all...that is totally different, and would really make me uncomfortable. Especially with the rough handling, the condescending views of breastfeeding, and the attitude in general....yikes!


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## Naomismom (Feb 20, 2007)

OP, I don't think anyone can make a definite decision about what you should do, but I urge you to talk to whomever oversees the childcare at your church. The worker sounds terrible your apprehension about leaving your dd in the nursery seems legit to me. I hate to add some responsibility to you, but I think you owe it to your church to make your voice heard. Think of it as advocating for all of the children, not just your own. Even a simple email could be very effective.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2mason* 
Agreed, to some respect. Many times when I was teaching, I would encourage the parents to make their goodbyes short, positive and upbeat. *And yes, I would explain that a quick exit after that is generally the best thing.* But I would ALWAYS encourage them to wait in the lobby, outside the door, etc. just to feel better, and reassure themselves, as well as to be sure child does okay transitioning. As a teacher, I have also seen how children can cry and fuss during a goodbye, and then be fine when the parent leaves. But this nursery worker did NOT explain that in a gentle way, or offer any support/encouragement at all...that is totally different, and would really make me uncomfortable. Especially with the rough handling, the condescending views of breastfeeding, and the attitude in general....yikes!


I think that parents KNOW what the best thing is for their child.
Some kids need a longer goodbye, others are fine without it. I have seen children from the same family be both ways...so it isn't alway caused by the parent IMO.

.


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dubfam* 
I think that parents KNOW what the best thing is for their child.
Some kids need a longer goodbye, others are fine without it. I have seen children from the same family be both ways...so it isn't alway caused by the parent IMO.

.

It doesn't sound as if mama2mason is suggesting otherwise. My dd's very wonderful teachers (not church) do request this same thing of the parents. But they do it in a VERY gentle way, _WAY_ before the fact - like during our orientation before we even committed to allowing dd to attend the program. And, I've found that they're pretty much right on, at least in our case. That said, they also allow us to stay for the entire time should we want to/need to (they do ask that we sit against the wall and observe instead of participate so much, which I respect also). There's even the opportunity to observe through a one-way mirror (which I LOVE to do!).

The whole point is that whatever the policy or the idea behind the policy about child drop-off, it shouldn't be rudely announced during the heat of the moment. Parents should have access to that information in advance so that they can make their decisions about what's best for their child - _in advance_. Also, the delivery of such policies should be gentle (ever heard of Christ-like lady?), and not followed immediately by insulting comments about one's other parenting decisions. I think that's key here, it's not so much what the church's policies are but more the fact that there doesn't seem to be a culture of respect for parents and children. Policies aren't the problem per se, it's the people. KWIM?


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## kapatasana (Apr 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2mason* 
I wholeheartedly agree with this. As an Early Childhood Educator, Child Development Associate, Montessori Directress, and mom, it REALLY bothers me that the majority of church nurseries have no requirements for education and/or experience. And, with all due respect to religions of all kinds, just because someone is religious doesn't make them necessarily a "good" person. Just because someone is a member of your church doesn't mean they are qualified to care for young children, nor does it mean that they have a clear criminal background, etc. We prefer to keep our child with us during services, and thus seek out a church that welcomes and embraces that. I agree with pp, I wouldn't leave my child in that environment.


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## mama2mason (May 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dubfam* 
I think that parents KNOW what the best thing is for their child.
Some kids need a longer goodbye, others are fine without it. I have seen children from the same family be both ways...so it isn't alway caused by the parent IMO.

.

Whoa! I wasn't in ANY way suggesting that ANYTHING was CAUSED by a parent...at all....by saying a quick exit is better, I only meant that I have seen parents be the ones with the separation issue, and by dragging out the goodbye "Mommy's going to miss you, etc etc etc" they actually ADD to the child's anxiety. And even without that component, ten years viewing things from the classroom perspective has shown me that students do MUCH better, adjust much more easily and readily, and feel more confident when their parent says goodbye (not sneaks out), is positive and upbeat, and makes the goodbye free of an emotional charge. Even if that meant the parent stifled their own separation issues, tears, etc. until out of view of the child. Children so easily pick up on the emotional cues we give them, so if we act like the separation is something to be sad about, worried about, etc. then we project those feelings on to the children. Of COURSE as a mom, I believe that I know what's best for my child. But I also know that when I drop him somewhere, he will feed off of my energy, and so I am loving and reassuring, but also very positive...without making the goodbye a long, drawn out thing that holds more drama than it needs to. This was simply an anecdote of my past experiences, nothing more. If you read my entire post, you saw that I disagreed with the behavior of this nursery volunteer. And as for those kids who need a longer goodbye, that's why I told parents to stay close by (lobby, parking lot, etc.) As a teacher, I wasn't in the business of making kids miserable, or making their drop-offs traumatic. Obviously if a child needed a different kind of transition, that's something that I worked with the parent to figure out. As another poster stated, this was all done up front, upon enrollment, and there was much explanation and discussion behind it. I'm sorry if my post was misinterpreted, but I was in NO way suggesting that parents don't know what is best for their child.


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## mama2mason (May 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kalkiwendy* 
It doesn't sound as if mama2mason is suggesting otherwise. My dd's very wonderful teachers (not church) do request this same thing of the parents. But they do it in a VERY gentle way, _WAY_ before the fact - like during our orientation before we even committed to allowing dd to attend the program. And, I've found that they're pretty much right on, at least in our case. That said, they also allow us to stay for the entire time should we want to/need to (they do ask that we sit against the wall and observe instead of participate so much, which I respect also). There's even the opportunity to observe through a one-way mirror (which I LOVE to do!).

The whole point is that whatever the policy or the idea behind the policy about child drop-off, it shouldn't be rudely announced during the heat of the moment. Parents should have access to that information in advance so that they can make their decisions about what's best for their child - _in advance_. Also, the delivery of such policies should be gentle (ever heard of Christ-like lady?), and not followed immediately by insulting comments about one's other parenting decisions. I think that's key here, it's not so much what the church's policies are but more the fact that there doesn't seem to be a culture of respect for parents and children. Policies aren't the problem per se, it's the people. KWIM?

Well stated mama, and thanks for the support!


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## Cekimon (Feb 3, 2008)

i just wouldn't leave her there again... i'd find a new church.


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

I am going to go with her to the nursery tommorow. If we have the same problems over then I will be talking with the childrens pastor.

I have thought about it a bit. Maybe that lady was having a more "off" day. Perhaps I am over senstive......We will see. If she is still rough...


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

I hope it was an anomaly, however, I don't think it's a bad idea to ask the pastor about the church's policies. If they don't have any, it might put a bug in his ear and put him on notice that it might be a comfort to the parents for that to be provided.

And, though she might have been having an "off" day, the comments about bf don't just come out of the blue.

I hope you had a peaceful and joyful time at church today!


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I think you have to decide your comfort level with whether you can live with the way this nursery worker is, or if you prefer to keep your child with you in church and skip the nursery.

I think the nursery person frankly can make suggestions to how you should handle separation, but it is ultimately up to you to decide. I think it was absolutely rude of her to criticize BF while you were sitting there nursing, and I think that is a sign of disrespect for your parenting.

If you try the nursery again, I think I would see if you can buddy up with one of the other nursery people to help your daughter transition. How old is she? I didn't catch that. It sounds like she is potty trained though, so she should be old enough to be able to handle the separation. You may want to give her more experiences with managing while you are away.... but frankly, this nursery doesn't sound like the right environment for you and her to get that practice. It depends..... the lead worker sounds harsh. But it depends on your overall impression of the nursery and your comfort level.

I would have no hesitation skipping church nursery and keeping my children with me in church if I felt uncomfortable with the care.

Lastly, perhaps you can connect with the caregivers/teachers in the other child care room and see if they can help you with the separation as well. It does take practice.

I was OK with leaving my kids to cry a little, and my 21 month old separates from me no problem. They do adjust after a few minutes, but while I agree with the caregiver's POV, I hate how rude she was to you and I would feel uncomfortable with someone who treated me that way.

HTH. Good luck with whatever you choose.

ETA: I don't think that this is such a big deal to bring it up to the pastoral staff, unless you have seen the worker be especially rough with the kids. Separation is difficult. She was rude to you and I would consider telling her to her face that you nurse as you want and that her remarks were rude and uncalled for. You can also reiterate that you will handle separation as you are comfortable. If she gives you further attitude, I would absolutely discontinue going to that nursery, because I won't leave my kids with people who don't respect my role as parent. I would tell other parents I was close with about my discomfort, but other parents (like me even) are OK with crying during that adjustment.

EATA: I wonder if you can find other avenues for your DD's play experiences, like a playgroup, or play dates, or a parent/child toddler class where the kids play together and the parents can relax a bit. There must be other opportunities for your DD to get time with other kids. Good luck!


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

I sent this thread to the pastor anonymously.

Since then the women has not worked in the nursery one time. I have nursed openly and NO ONE has said anything negative. Some of the little girls are nursing the dolls now to.

I do stay in most Sundays, even took over the 2 year old class when they had a teen watching and not interacting with them at all. He was just texting. The lady who was in charge told me she was thankful.

They are still encouraging me to leave however, so last week I did leave only to have them come and get me 10 minutes later. One of the ladies did say that perhaps I was right in not leaving her.

The video player is still going but now they ONLY have little kids christian music vids playing not cartoons with no moral/relgious/value driven promo.

On an intersting note and no how related I notticed a VERY pretty crib in the baby room. I asked about it and apparetnly a baby in the church died of SIDS and the mom donated it to the church. Well the lady explaining it said that the death promoted many of the moms to co-sleep, fearing they would not hear the baby if they were in distress. I pointed out it is called "crib" death and not co-sleeping death. The mom agreed and whispered that her 4 year old still sleeps with them.

So all in all things are looking up.


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## sarahwpen (May 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
And very common for them to be completely wrong. No way would I leave my kid again. Especially if their way of handling a potty accident is to put the kid in a diaper without mentioning it to mom.

These years go by quickly. Go for the part of the service you enjoy, play outside or around the grounds until the service is over, stay for the social part and catch the part you missed on the internet.

Honestly, the nursery folks sound like asshats to me, but that's jmho. I wouldn't want them influencing my kid's early feelings about church.









:
















this is exactly why i don't go to church. I refuse to leave my kids anywhere they aren't totally comfortable. Most church people around my parts don't like the way i do much of anything, and the feeling is mutual. So i don't really see why i should go. If you just go for the preaching,and you can get that on the net,then ...............


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
I sent this thread to the pastor anonymously.

Since then the women has not worked in the nursery one time. I have nursed openly and NO ONE has said anything negative. Some of the little girls are nursing the dolls now to.

I do stay in most Sundays, even took over the 2 year old class when they had a teen watching and not interacting with them at all. He was just texting. The lady who was in charge told me she was thankful.

They are still encouraging me to leave however, so last week I did leave only to have them come and get me 10 minutes later. One of the ladies did say that perhaps I was right in not leaving her.

The video player is still going but now they ONLY have little kids christian music vids playing not cartoons with no moral/relgious/value driven promo.

On an intersting note and no how related I notticed a VERY pretty crib in the baby room. I asked about it and apparetnly a baby in the church died of SIDS and the mom donated it to the church. Well the lady explaining it said that the death promoted many of the moms to co-sleep, fearing they would not hear the baby if they were in distress. I pointed out it is called "crib" death and not co-sleeping death. The mom agreed and whispered that her 4 year old still sleeps with them.

So all in all things are looking up.

Yay! I'm glad for you! I like to hear how things turn out, thanks for updating us!

Hehe, the secret society of co-sleeping!


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## elizawill (Feb 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
I sent this thread to the pastor anonymously.

Since then the women has not worked in the nursery one time.

that is brilliant!!!! well done! i'm sure the pastor was


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Christina, I'm really glad to read that you worked it out and didn't let this one lady stop you from going to your church.


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## guestmama9911 (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 

Truthfully I don't see where the child was in any danger of being mistreated. The OP didn't like the way *she* was treated, and that's a valid concern. Some parents - me, for example - wouldn't want to be told each time Kate cries, so I don't view that as any kind of child abuse. I assume if she falls, she'll cry and that someone will take care of it. I only need to be told or retrieved from service if she's inconsolable. The BF comment was rude, but that's the end of it. She's not going to be BF the OP's child anyway.

Many of us parents DO want to know if our child is left crying, especially a young child.

I annoy the nursery workers at my Church every sunday by staying, but our son's comfort is more important to me than the nursery worker's, I don't want him associating Church with being abandonned to people who don't care if he cries, and our own nursery handbook says parents should be allowed to attend with their children until they are acclimated. This is a Church, for Pete's sake, not a preschool. People should be compassionate and accomodating for AT LEAST the hours they spend in God's house.


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## guestmama9911 (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
But if the nursery worker has seen this child have a pattern of not being able to adjust and she is trying to stand up for what she believes to be in the child's best interest then I don't think she is being an ass. Her personal belief on breastfeeding is way off and she shouldn't have shared it, she should also have been more tactful if that is what is going on, but there is only one side of the story being shared on this board and there are two sides to all stories. Assuming that the parent is the only one that is right in all cases just because they know their child is stupid. Children act differently in childcare than they do at home, sometimes dramatically differently and the only one that can tell you how your child is acting in childcare is the caregiver. It sounds like this lady does need to work on being blunt about what is going on with the child during the time she is there, but that is not an easy skill even for professional caregivers. Even my daughter's teachers have a hard time expressing themselves accurately when they have not had time to form what they are saying, she should have waited to speak until she planned what she wanted to say but that doesn't mean that there isn't something going on that the parent needs to know about.

I have a hard time understanding why anyone on a Mothering Magazine board would believe that a nursery worker could EVER understand a child better than her own mother.

If you are not comfortable with your child crying for even a minute, you have a right to not want it. I don't like my son crying, either. Sometimes I have to let him - he does not get to play with that sharp tool no matter how hard he cries. But if it isn't necessary, I'm not going to make him go through it, and I don't see why a mother needs to leave her child to cry if she knows from experience that she can make a different transition with her child.


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## guestmama9911 (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nevaehsmommy* 
So all in all things are looking up.

What a relief! Thank goodness!


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## mama2cal&darby (Jun 13, 2008)

I have been in a similar situation at church with my (now) 3.5 year old. He doesn't separate easily, so either my dh or I stayed with him in the nursery until he was suppose to start Sunday school at 3. He still wouldn't separate, so I stopped going to church. He isn't the type of child who could sit in a service- we tried that at another church and it was a disaster. He was too loud even for the *crying room*, and far too unhappy. We encounter disapproving people ALL THE TIME. We are always told we are being *manipulated* by him, we've stunted his emotional growth, he's *spoiled* blah, blah, blah.
I would never leave my child with people I didn't trust. If you are comfortable with the care, but not the comments, I often reply to unsolicited advice with, *Thank you for your concern, however, I know my child best.*
Good luck.


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## guestmama9972 (Jun 5, 2003)

OP, good for you! I am glad you are advocating change in your church nursery. I am mainly writing to commiserate with you. I am having similar problems with 2 of my 3 girls in our church's preschool department so I can relate to your original post. I refuse to leave my 5 month old at all because we nurse on demand and the one time I left her they didn't come get me when she was crying. I went to check on her and she was strapped into a little rocker, hysterical. I was LIVID! So she stays with me all the time.

We tried talking to our preschool director but she pretty much blew me off so DH went to the pastor and he (our pastor) is going to sit down with this woman and spell it out. I hope that things will start to look up for us, as well.

Thanks for sticking it out at your church. I feel encouraged by you.


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## guestmama9911 (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Miss Blue* 
I refuse to leave my 5 month old at all because we nurse on demand and the one time I left her they didn't come get me when she was crying. I went to check on her and she was strapped into a little rocker, hysterical. I was LIVID! So she stays with me all the time.









I would have yelled at that lady so loud the whole Church would have heard it. I try to act like a Christian but when it comes to my children I get mean!


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Me too! People like that make me want to







them out. And I don't cuss or like hearing it.


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## medaroge (Dec 21, 2004)

Is there anyone else at the church who could help you specifically with her? like a 10 year old girl who loves babies who can be responsible for just your child?


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

My daughter is a mommas girl. She will play if I am around or scream if I am gone. No little girls who could help with her. Its me or scream. Well she is starting to warm up towards my sister a bit, but she works on Sunday.

Sounds horrible when I write it out like maybe she is spoiled. I prefer to think she just knows I love her and want what best. Soon she will hate me and think I know nothing. So for now I cherish that I am still her hero.


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