# What do you think of John Rosemond?



## evergreenmom (Oct 18, 2004)

I was having a few issues with my 6 yr old and my sister sent me an article from him and this is what it says:

Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English language, children have the right to hear their parents say "No" at least three times a day.

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Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents don't exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the skills they-children-will need to eventually make themselves happy.

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Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming to certain areas of their homes. ............................................

Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for them but don't give a hoot what their children think about them at any given moment in time.

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Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for them but don't give a hoot what their children think about them at any given moment in time.

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Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, children have the right to hear their parents say "Because I said so" on a regular and frequent basis.

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Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in, children have the right to share significantly in the doing of household chores.

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Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn't the center of the universe (or his family or his parents' lives) that he isn't a big fish in a small pond, that he isn't the Second Coming, and that he's not even-in the total scheme of things-very important at all, no one is, so as to prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.

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Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive, therefore, they have the right to receive all of what they truly need and very little of what they simply want.

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Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore, persuasive.

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Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above rights.

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I am just curious what other AP moms feel about this man?


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

ummm...I would use the pukey smiley, but I've read that it makes some mamas here uncomfortable. But, yeah.
I will be very surprised if anyone here says they like him (based on those quotes in your post).
There is something wrong with every single thing that says. I guess the chore thing isn't that bad, but I'd never think it was a good idea to force it, yk?


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

He sounds like a bitter, resentful man who had a miserable childhood







:


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

ITA with Threebeans

Never heard of the guy before but what a piece of work. I hope he never has children.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Whoever this guy is, he's misinformed and disturbed if he really believes this dribble. This one especially terrifies me...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *evergreenmom* 
Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore, persuasive.

...that is the LAST THING ON EARTH I want my children to learn!


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

My brother calls him the crazy spanking man....which it turns out is a bit of an exageration....http://www.rosemond.com/index.php?ac...ebPageID=11710


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

Yikes


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## evergreenmom (Oct 18, 2004)

Thanks for your insight. She wanted to buy his book for her daughter who is having troubles raising her 2 yr old...so I suggested Dr. Sears and his books instead!

Lisa


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

While he isn't as, um, disturbing (or disturbed!) as some of the ultra-punitive (Pearls, for example) "parenting experts" (note quotes) out there, he is pretty definitely not gentle. His is definitely a "parent = authority, authority must be obeyed" type. He is very punitive. Our newspaper used to carry his column. Some of the examples I remember most: A child who does not leave *preschool* when his mother asked him to right away was to be locked(!!!) in his bedroom for the entire afternoon, let out for dinner, then sent to bed immediately afterwards. For wanting to play a few more minutes when mom came to pick him up. He believes in early, parent-directed potty training. For children who aren't trained by 2 1/2 he advocates locking them in the bathroom until they have "performed" in the toilet, even if that takes HOURS. He said up to 4 hours was OK to be confined to the bathroom without supervision or company. For a 2 YO, who most of us would worry about falling into said toilet and would supervise near the bathroom at all times. Can you imagine not checking on your toddler for hours while he was in the bathroom? And so forth. Yucky!


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## AK_MtnAnSith (Jan 19, 2007)

eeewwww!!!!
He's a tight-lipped, prim-faced, tyrant!







:
I do read his articles in our paper and disturbingly enough my 1st split second instinctual response is "Hmmmm, that sounds like it will work!" i attribute my reaction to my own unfortunate upbringing.
Then I just smack myself around a little bit to get my head back on straight, chuckle and say "Honey! Lemme read ya this guys article!"

Take the article into the back yard and burn it- ceremoniously distributing the ashes into the wind to vibrationally negate the effects of this man's "Advice".


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## purple_kangaroo (Feb 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *evergreenmom* 

Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming to certain areas of their homes. ............................................

I was surprised/impressed at this one. Very few non-AP parenting "experts" seem to feel it's ok for kids to express negative feelings at all--especially when directed at their parents.


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## plantmama (Jun 24, 2005)

I read his column in our paper every week and I think he occasionally comes out with some good advice. I like his no nonsense approach in some ways and even his old fashioned "you're not the center of the universe" type thing can sometimes make sense to me.
His punishments which often involve lengthy stays in the child's room and super early bed times...and his whole antagonistic attitude about children is







He often does give advice that is more gentle than what parents writing in are using though. For example he scolded a mom who wrote in saying that they spanked their son when he got up in the night and asked them to help him to the bathroom and then spanked him when he started wetting the bed! He says he doesn't advocate spanking but neither does he condemn it.
Anyway, he's not all bad., though I am often pretty angered after reading the column.


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## bl987ue (Mar 14, 2006)

He kind of went off the rails a few years back, but he has some good things to say occasionally. He believes that kids need the freedom to play and explore and deplores the over-scheduling of kids, and also advises against video games entirely. He is a staunch believer that too much homework kills the love of learning, and that teenagers should be given a sufficiently large allowance to be able to take care of their expenses re: clothing, buses, etc. to help them learn to handle money. What I find interesting is that he agrees with AP folk on some things. Where he and I part company is that he doesn't condemn spanking, and the harshness of his attitude lately. He didn't used to be like that.


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purple_kangaroo* 
I was surprised/impressed at this one. Very few non-AP parenting "experts" seem to feel it's ok for kids to express negative feelings at all--especially when directed at their parents.

Yeah, that was the one that surprised and impressed me as well. *My* mom was certainly not comfortable allowing me to express negative feelings, and to this day is unnerved by my disagreeing with her outright. She wanted me to happily and quietly accept whatever she said. I most likely would have listened to her more and respected her more as a teenager and young adult had she allowed me the right to feel however I felt about her decisions instead of trying to control my emotional responses.

Other than that, though, the guy sounds extremely controlling and hard nosed.







:


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *theatermom* 
Yeah, that was the one that surprised and impressed me as well. *My* mom was certainly not comfortable allowing me to express negative feelings, and to this day is unnerved by my disagreeing with her outright. She wanted me to happily and quietly accept whatever she said. I most likely would have listened to her more and respected her more as a teenager and young adult had she allowed me the right to feel however I felt about her decisions instead of trying to control my emotional responses.

Other than that, though, the guy sounds extremely controlling and hard nosed.







:

Yes, though generally in his columns he suggestions locking the "emoting" child in his room while he expresses that opinion. Note that he never says that parents should listen or possibly re-assess in response to the child's feelings -- only that child should be allowed to scream and yell, and that parents should "confine" (his word for lock or bar the door) the child who is doing so. So no, no actual respect for the child's feelings.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

I disagree with all but children having the right to scream about parents' decisions and the chore one. I strongly believe in chores.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I used to really hate him, but I have actually read some fabulous columns. Like the pps, though, I've also been very angry about others.

The thing is, I like some of his advice, but for different reasons. For example, I think it's great to give kids chores, but not so that you can "show them who's boss", or keep them from being spoiled brats, but so that they can learn the joy of a job well done, learn how to do things well, learn that THEY can do things well, feel like they're participating, and feel invested in their home and family.

And this one:

"Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore, persuasive."

is _almost_ what I want to teach my child. Except for the "not optional" part, I'd like them to understand all of that about authority, but I would feel like I had failed as a parent if I felt like my children learned that obedience to any authority is not optional. Disobedience...always an option around here!


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
Yes, though generally in his columns he suggestions locking the "emoting" child in his room while he expresses that opinion. Note that he never says that parents should listen or possibly re-assess in response to the child's feelings -- only that child should be allowed to scream and yell, and that parents should "confine" (his word for lock or bar the door) the child who is doing so. So no, no actual respect for the child's feelings.

Yikes, that stinks.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I disagree with him 99.9 % of the time. His advice is so so not my deal.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Rosemond was booked as the keynote speaker for our state's early childhood conference a year or two ago. For some inexplicable reason. The outcry from the state's early childhood teachers was huge so the NAEYC-affiliate decided to drop him.

They got Richard Louv instead. What a wonderful result. Not sure how, or why, he was available at such a late date but it was wonderful.


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

I think that the therapeutical community should be ashamed that this man is a therapist.

This man also advocated that for an older child who is not potty-trained, you take away all of their toys and only return them one at a time when he performs.

He has an extremely adversarial approach to parenting and very little of it is based on actual experience. He has one child and doesn't strike me as having been particularly involved in her upbringing (how many nights did you stay up with her, John?).


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

For children who aren't trained by 2 1/2 he advocates locking them in the bathroom until they have "performed" in the toilet, even if that takes HOURS.
He would love us. My two and a half year old hasn't even started. Of course, that's as much me as it is her. Perhaps I should lock myself in the bathroom alone for four hours (if only).


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## AppleCrisp (Aug 19, 2005)

Our paper still carries his column. His picture alone is awful - sour, unsmiling, scowling, and hunched over.


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## SquirelNutkin (Mar 4, 2002)

So, Im curious about the ideas on the sceraming rule.
I conssider myself failrly AP, or at least trying to. I ahve 3 child which I HS, and my middle child at nearly 6 is a screamer. (like an ear splitting one)
At everything!
Our method is to state he can tell us he is angry/ frustrated, but not yel at us. (All while he is yelling!) We usually put him on the couch and tell him he must stop yelling and can not get off said couch until we discuss it.
It is dibliatating for the whole family, and most likely causes my toddler to also start screaming.
The screaming has never stopped on its own.
Anyhow, to me, confining him in the bathroom doesnt sound so bad.
I suppose, I make the distinction that negative emotions are fine, but he needs to voice them, not just express them. I find the yelling to be as bad as hitting, and really disables any way of us to resolve the issue.
What do you all think?
Is it in the larger context of this guys ideas that its bad, or just the idea I am stopping his emotional out flow? I suppose he really means one must confine them for longer than until they jsut stop screaming?

Anyhow, I have enver heard this guy, so it was interesting!
brenda


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## lemonbar (Apr 14, 2008)

I think there is an important element of truth in the advice. Kids need to know that they aren't the center and to respect other people's feelings. I think there are some parents who are too timid in telling their kids 'no' when that really is the only reasonable answer. We've got to raise kids who can cope with the real world. Seems it's more his tactics that are the problem. You can say no in a nice way, and it's wildly unreasonable to say no just for the heck of it. Sheesh, I can't remember the last day I got by on just 3 'no's in one day.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SquirelNutkin* 
So, Im curious about the ideas on the sceraming rule.

I think there is a huge difference between expressing an opinion in a loud and uncontrolled way and screaming to hurt people's ears, YK? Just screaming for the sake of screaming doesn't get attention here -- I can't talk above it, nor will I try. So I tend to say "I will talk to you when you are calmer" and ignore things from then on -- and even walk away if it really does hurt my ears. But that is really different than yelling "I don't like that" or whatever. That's an opinion, which deserves to be heard, expressed in an inappropriate way, which needs some guidance. In that case I'm much more likely to respond "I can tell you are unhappy and I would like to understand why. Take a deep breath so you can talk to me clearly" and so forth until the child is calm enough to speak normally. I think Rosemund is mostly talking about yelling an opinion, rather than just screaming. He also never just says "ignore until they are done screaming", he's much more likely to say "Lock in room for remainder of the day as a consequence for screaming", which I think is totally over the top outrageous.


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## CtMom (Jan 14, 2003)

I like John Rosemond.


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## nd_deadhead (Sep 22, 2005)

Our local paper used to carry an article by him in the paper on a regular basis. Several of us wrote to the paper, recommending more positive authors on child rearing. I haven't seen a replacement, but at least we aren't subjected to John Rosemond any more.


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## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

Am I being too mean when I say that this man's advice makes want to throw up?


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## janasmama (Feb 8, 2005)

I've never read his books and I disagree that a parent should say "I told you so" but I do believe that even when using gentle discipline it is important for a parent to hold a place of authority in the house and children shouldn't always get what they want. I do sometimes think that parents are too caught up in trying to be "friends" with their children and make them happy (our children should be happy but happiness is a state of the heart and not a matter of circumstances. We show our children happiness by our own happiness with life circumstances.) I think that we miss the boat when we don't hold a position of authority. And by this I don't mean controlling the child but teaching them.

I've seen this happen with my sister and some friends. I believe children lose respect for their parents as they grow into adults and basically become rebellious when they don't see their parent as someone who delivers consequences.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CtMom* 
I like John Rosemond.

Could you explain what you like about his philosophy?


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Just a reminder--it is fine to discuss what you dislike about Rosemond, but please keep negative comments within the UA. For example, "His advice makes me feel ill" or "I think he has an extremely negative view of children" is fine. "Rosemond is a big pile of xyz"....not so much


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