# How do you respond when asked why?



## angela1435 (May 11, 2007)

I have a problem trying to find an answer when I think about people ask if we are circumcising or not. We definitely aren't but I don't want them to think I am looking down on them for choosing to do it, ya know? I can just see the conversation getting awkward. Any suggestions?


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I would just say it's an unnecessary surgery so we aren't doing it, it's true but not likely to make any one get defensive (unless they would no matter what you said).


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## Raine822 (Dec 11, 2008)

I would be honest which for me would be "we don't believe in unnecessary medical intervention". Also, In my case "our doctor does not recommend routine circ". I ended up having girls so don't know how well these work though.


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## lovermont (Dec 20, 2006)

something like:
-we felt comfortable opting out of circing
-this is what seemed right for our family
-we had some concerns about circing and some concerns about not but in
the end felt more comfortable not circing (if you want to go in to more details this may open the door for an interesting discussion where you can address the other person's concerns - like: we were worried that he might be uncomfortable not looking like his peers but now the circ rate is about 50%, etc, etc).

I assume your concern is more with your peers rather than family? I think the discussion might be different if you're talking to the neighbor who has kids slightly older than yours vs. your mom.


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## billikengirl (Sep 12, 2008)

My diplomatic version: His penis, his decision, and there's no medical reason to do it.

What I say when someone has been hateful and p*ssed me off about it: Performing unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the genitals of someone who cannot consent is WRONG. If someone held YOU down and cut parts of your genitals off, they'd go to jail, not get paid like the ones who do it to babies.


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## annablue (Apr 6, 2010)

I'd say something along the lines of, "we just feel it's an unnecessary surgery."


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## erin23kate (Apr 16, 2009)

I talk their ear off.

I take it as an open invitation to educate. I have convinced 4 people who asked me that question. I wish more people would ask me... then I wouldn't have to be the one bringing up baby penises at cocktail parties!


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## lunamegn (Nov 30, 2004)

I usually say that I don't feel like it's my decision to make for him since it's his penis and not mine.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Because it is not recommended by any medical organization in the world and a lot of insurances dont cover it.

I believe we are born perfect the way we are and to remove a perfectly good body part makes no sense at all.

I have used this one once:








They still do that?!?!?


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## dianakaye (Mar 20, 2009)

I've only been asked once by my brother (who thought it was pretty cool I went against the grain, at least for my family). I ranted for about a half hour.

If someone asked me again I'd probably talk about how important I think the foreskin is and describe it in detail so they know it's not just "a little flap of skin" and how important I think it is that a person be allowed to make the decision for themselves someday.


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## Greg B (Mar 18, 2006)

Good responses so far. Here are a few more, depending on your audience:

"After researching this subject, I have concluded that the best choice is to let him make the decision for himself."

or

"I haven't found anything that justifies the loss of function and feeling that a foreskin provides."

or

"If men were meant to have foreskin, they would have been born with one."

or

"A Foreskin is NOT a birth defect"

Regards


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## PlainandTall (May 21, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *erin23kate* 
I talk their ear off.

I take it as an open invitation to educate. I have convinced 4 people who asked me that question. I wish more people would ask me... then I wouldn't have to be the one bringing up baby penises at cocktail parties!

THIS!! I would make an effort to answer their question with questions that opens discourse- not a flat "don't talk to me about this- case closed"

Something like: "I have been looking into circumcision quite a bit- and I'm very interested to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter!"


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## Jaesun's Dad (Feb 19, 2010)

The conversation with my father aside all the other friends that have actually expressed surprise went like

Friend "So did you circumcise?"
Me "No"
Friend "Really? Why not"
Me "Neither of us thought unnecessary penile surgery was a good idea"
Friend "So ... nice weather we have today?"


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## poppan (Mar 8, 2008)

I have to say, I have never ever been asked this question!


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *billikengirl* 
My diplomatic version: His penis, his decision, and there's no medical reason to do it.

What I say when someone has been hateful and p*ssed me off about it: Performing unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the genitals of someone who cannot consent is WRONG. If someone held YOU down and cut parts of your genitals off, they'd go to jail, not get paid like the ones who do it to babies.


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## angela1435 (May 11, 2007)

Yeah my family knows and I have no problem telling them exactly why. But for some reason I have anxiety about explaining it to friends with children that have boys that are circumcised. I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision. There are 2 people in particular that I don't want to have the conversation with. Even though I know it's the right decision, I still have a problem. Not sure why??


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## Oceanone (Oct 24, 2002)

I am having trouble believing that people actually ask this question! Surely the more pertinent question would be why do you choose to circumcise?


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Can't imagine anyone asking either







BUT... I would want them to know I thought their decision was wrong...









-Angela


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

My standard answer:

"I figure that if my boys were meant to have a forskin, they'd be born with one







"


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## poppan (Mar 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angela1435* 
Yeah my family knows and I have no problem telling them exactly why. But for some reason I have anxiety about explaining it to friends with children that have boys that are circumcised. I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision. There are 2 people in particular that I don't want to have the conversation with. Even though I know it's the right decision, I still have a problem. Not sure why??

I think I can understand how you're feeling... and would feel the same way if I were ever asked the question (which in three years I have not been asked once, but I live in San Francisco area and I think lots of people aren't circ'ing here). So, if I were ever asked, I think I would say something light like "it just didn't seem necessary" and try to end the conversation. I mean, if you didn't want to have the conversation I would do something like that -- something that's not meant to provoke, that makes it sound like it was simply a choice I made and other people are free to make other choices and I'm not going to judge them for it.

Maybe I come from a different place because I don't feel "intactivist" about it at all, my DH is not circ'd (he's from Europe) and we've never even considered circumcision for DS. So it was never a big deal to me, just a personal choice. I don't think people will necessarily assume that you are judging them (unless you use language that is meant to provoke a reaction).


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## erin23kate (Apr 16, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angela1435* 
I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision.

I understand completely. The funny thing is, I *do* see them as having made the wrong decision, but it's too late and nobody can un-do it at this point. In this case, I'd try to get out of the conversation pretty quickly before I say something I shouldn't.


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## WeasleyMum (Feb 27, 2007)

The only questions I've gotten about keeping DS intact revolve around the "odd kid out" idea (oooh wouldn't want to be the weird guy in the locker room, ya know) so I just explain that with national circ rates hovering in the 50%'s, that 'stigma' doesn't really exist the way it might have a generation ago. Chances are, all boys are going to have questions about circumcision at some point, and I'd rather explain to my dear boy why we DIDN'T do that to him, than why we did.


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## listipton (Jun 26, 2008)

It kind of seems like if someone is asking this question, then they are genuinely interested in becoming more educated. As a person you are entitled to believe that a friends decision is wrong. I have a close friend who's son is circed. it bothers me quite a bit because she is so open minded about so much and is so supportive of our decision to leave ds intact, that I don't lecture/rant/discuss it with her. I will be sure to drop intact information in her inbox if her next pregnancy is a boy, however. If you don't want to really discuss it with a friend, politely tell them your own reasons. Most of the time it's not what you say, it's how you say it


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

My usual response is "I have no right. It's not my body and I have absolutely no right to have a perfectly normal piece of it surgically removed." If it's someone I don't like, who's probably just asking to see what nutty idea the hippie's going to have now, I usually say something along the lines of "In what world is it ok to strap a baby to a board and take a scalpel to his penis??" That usually shuts them up. I don't want to alienate people, though, so I only use that if it's someone I know has no real interest in it whatsoever.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Wait, who is asking you guys these questions?? Nobody has ever asked me about the state of my son's genitals.


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
Wait, who is asking you guys these questions?? Nobody has ever asked me about the state of my son's genitals.

It's come up several times at doctor's offices when I tell them not to retract. It's something I cover in my breastfeeding and childbirth classes, so people tend to ask if I had DS circ'd. I was also asked once at work because a coworker's grandson was having his circumcision revised because "They didn't cut enough off - he didn't even look circ'd!" because we all know what a tragedy THAT is.







She knew I had a son and asked and I told her what I said before, that I had no right. Honestly, it was like one of those cartoons where the lightbulb lit up over her head. She looked at me wonderingly and said, "Wow, I never thought about it that way before."


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## maotmsmi (Nov 20, 2007)

*


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## bluebirdiemama (May 2, 2008)

I see where you are coming from, but, at the same time, we are all going to regret decisions we've made. If you give them good information about why you don't circ, maybe they'll make that deicision in the future.
I used to feel the same way, about not circing, about breastfeeding, natural birth etc. I felt like if everyone knew what I knew, they would choose natural in the future, and regret not having done so in the past.
On the flip side though, there are plently of decisions I have made that were huge mistakes. I don't get offended when people give me their reasons for not choosing the mistakes that I chose.


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## Night_Nurse (Nov 23, 2007)

Answer their question with a question. If they ask you why you aren't circing/didn't circ, ask them why would/should you circ. Then, whatever answer they give you, you can give an honest answer and dispel any misconceptions they might have.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

only one person asked me.

her: so did you have him circumcised?

me: no.

her: are you going to have him circumcised?

me: no.

that was that!


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## lilliansmom (Nov 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Raine822* 
I would be honest which for me would be "we don't believe in unnecessary medical intervention". Also, In my case "our doctor does not recommend routine circ". I ended up having girls so don't know how well these work though.

This is what I say and it works. If people push I turn it back around in a nice way and ask them why did you choice to circ? Honestly it is the weirder choice.


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

we wouldn't do cosmetic surgery on our newborn.


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## shishkeberry (Sep 24, 2004)

I usually get all flustered and upset when someone asks me why. The whole idea of circing just upsets me so much I can't talk about it coherently IRL. I basically stammer out about how I feel that it's child abuse and no son of mine will ever have it done.


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## Fyrestorm (Feb 14, 2006)

Turn it around - "Why on earth would any cut off the best part of their son's penis"

Or - "why would you think penile reduction surgery is a good idea?"


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## beru (Nov 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shishkeberry* 
I usually get all flustered and upset when someone asks me why. The whole idea of circing just upsets me so much I can't talk about it coherently IRL. I basically stammer out about how I feel that it's child abuse and no son of mine will ever have it done.

This is similar to me. I was asked why I made the "choice" I did and I just replied, shocked, "I didn't make _any_ choice. He was born that way." I kept on stammering about how the question should be "why" not "why not"...

The second time I was asked, I said, incredulously "Why would I do that?! There is not one medical association in the world that recommends it. I don't understand why anyone would make that choice."

These were just really honest answers. I was really surprised to be asked and didn't plan for being asked questions like that.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

no one has asked me. maybe because once in a while i post no-circ info on my facebook and they know my stance on it? it's a tough one. i can see how you would be a bit perplexed on how to approach it if the question came up. i suppose i would just say no. if they asked why i would tell them that there is no reason and that it is not medically necessary. then i would say his body, his choice. it may be a little uncomfortable, but only if they make it that way. it isn't likely that they will. most likely they will just want to know more on why it's not necessary (probably because they were told it was by a circ-happy doctor). i'm proud i left kai intact...i am proud of that, but i can definitely see where you're coming from. you don't want to come off to them in a way that makes them feel like really bad parents. heck...if i hadn't met my dh who is intact, i may have made the same mistake. i didn't know. i just thought it was the norm to circ. and they probably thought it was also.
i should add that if they didn't have children, or any boys for that matter i would say much much more. just wouldn't want to make a mother of a son(s) feel bad for a decision that she probably wouldn't have made had she been eductated on it in the 1st place.


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## WifeofAnt (May 2, 2010)

We don't know if ours is a girl or boy yet but I think putting a baby through that much pain without a shred of medical benefit falls under the UN's definition of torture.

Inflicting severe pain without medical benefit against another person's will = torture


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## nd_deadhead (Sep 22, 2005)

How about "We're praying that our baby is born healthy, and doesn't need an operation when he's a baby!"

Or, after he's born, it becomes "There was nothing wrong with his penis when he was born, so he didn't have to have surgery - thank goodness! I would have been a wreck!"


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

I just say that it's an unnecessary procedure and he can decide if he wants it done when he's older.

I haven't had many conversations about it, so I'm hoping keeping boys intact is becoming more "normal," or at least people I know are good at minding their own business.


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## WaitingForKiddos (Nov 30, 2006)

I was asked for the first time today!!

'So have you guys decided the whole circumcision thing?'

'yea, we're leaving him alone. I figure the guy has to learn to breathe and eat and maintain his body...why add pain and surgery to that?'

'cool! We didn't circumcise W either!'

'cool!'

'and don't let anyone give you crap about it!'

And that was that!!


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## Fay (Sep 21, 2005)

It's funny, the only people who have asked me why were all medical professionals. So I just responded, "Because it's medically unnecessary." with this response, I learned that my OB is passionately against circumcision.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

I live in the U.S. but I am Canadian and moved here at the age of 25. The times that it has come up, I have explained that in Canada, it's rarely done, that it's not natural and that the norm is for all people, even men, to be intact. I generally immediately say that I am actually an intactivist and strongly advocate for people leaving little babies penises alone and not performing cosmetic surgery on them, so they know how strongly I feel about it, and that if they don't agree, to point out that well, I will continue to debate the issue if called upon to do so. I have also explained to groups of women during moms' night outs (yes, more than once) the benefits of being with an intact man... and oddly, almost all of them had never experienced these things. I've said (a few times) that I know more about intact penises than any of their circumcised husbands, so if any of them want to ask me what it's like, I'd be happy to tell them all about it.







I'm cheeky like that.


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## AllieFaye (Mar 7, 2007)

"We want him to have his foreskin."

This is generally so shocking an idea, that someone might actually find that body part desirable, that it doesn't go beyond that. It's also really hard for them to counter-argue, since it'd be about changing our desire, and not debating "facts."


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## Wonton (Mar 15, 2010)

I just tell them that I can't in good conscience subject my baby to that much pain when there are no proven health benefits. I foolishly circ'd my oldest, but I will not make that mistake again.

If they ask dh, he explains the function of the foreskin and how it enhances the sexual experience. He's pretty blunt without being inappropriate and it has convinced even my formerly ultra pro-circ mil.


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## brant31 (Jan 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllieFaye* 
"We want him to have his foreskin."

This is generally so shocking an idea, that someone might actually find that body part desirable, that it doesn't go beyond that. It's also really hard for them to counter-argue, since it'd be about changing our desire, and not debating "facts."


I'm happy to see this anwer! A friend of mine used a variant on this, and the way she related it sounded extremely funny.

"You had him circumcised, right?
My friend cocked her head slightly and tried to look her most naïve. "But then he wouldn't have his foreskin...?"

Her friend looked at her like she'd said they brought DS home covered in vernix.
Then my friend moved in for the kill.

"You _do_ know it's healthier and more pleasurable to have a whole penis, right? Most of the developed world knows this. Not to mention so much safer not to have cosmetic penile surgery at birth. More tea?"


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

"After trying out both models, I'd never want to sell my son and his girlfriends (mostly his girlfriends) short by cutting off the best part







" (not that I have, nor have I ever been asked, but I'm a smart-butt)

I personally am hoping that I marry a European so that I can just be lazy and use the "look like daddy" excuse when I don't feel like debating it.


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## P.J. (May 18, 2010)

We live in Germany, so the only people who ask would be my American relatives. I have a built-in reason because almost no one does it here, so that's that. However, I always go on to add "It's mutilation, that's just weird, why would we do that? I wouldn't do it in the US either!"


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## TulsiLeaf (Nov 23, 2009)

Funny thing is that I was asked by my mother before we knew what my daughter was and it was along the lines
"you aren't circing that baby of yours are you?" (mum)
"well my partner wanted to because he is" (me)
"don't you dare harm my baby" (mum)

My whole mothers family is from england and none of the boys are done, not even my brother(our father is american). My mother would have raised hell is my husband had tried to do it. Luckily we had a rather serious conversation and I said that since we were married at the time I told him I would have him thrown out of the hospital if he tried it. I was lucky though. After a few conversations he came around and we agreed to never do it.


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## ramama (Apr 13, 2007)

I have 2 girls, but I saw a circumcision in the hospital while we were in the nursery checking out. It was not painless or minor. It was heartbreaking. That poor baby there with a uncaring doctor (seriously, how could the doctor listen to the high-pitched crying and just go nonchalantly right along?) his parents in their recovery room, no one there to comfort him. It was traumatic for ME and I wasn't having a piece of my body cut off without anesthetic. I'd say something like that. If I had a boy. Dude, I can't even tell that story without choking up or even full-out crying


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## miami mommy (Mar 1, 2010)

This came up in conversation once with my aunt. I said "I went on the internet and watched a video of a circumcision and it was horrific." She responded "Yeah, if I had that kind of information back then I wouldn't have done it either."

And I couldn't even make it all the way through the video, I only made it partway through where they tore the foreskin from the glans. I don't care what anyone says about babies being numb and not feeling it. I once had a root canal and I was in agony even though I was given novocaine. The dentist didn't believe that I was feeling anything even though I told him, but he finally gave me more novocaine once I started crying from the pain. So, I can imagine how awful a circ must be. My DS would have to get amazing health benefits for me to even consider circ.

You could also use the response I got from the ped when I told him we would not be circing: "It's purely cosmetic."


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

"Because being born male doesn't require immediate surgery."


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

I've only been asked twice. The first time I was so surprised by the question that I just sort of blurted out that it's medically unnecessary and not our decision to make. The second time I was a little more prepared (and the person was rude about it), so I sort of coldly asked why on _Earth_ I would do such a ghastly, barbaric thing as pay some quack to mutilate a helpless baby's genitals at birth. That conversation ended quickly.


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## amber87507 (Jan 21, 2003)

I dont think anyone has ever asked me that question before. The nurses at the hospital where my DS was born were very supportive and happy to hear I was not circing him.
They said that they didnt have a doctor on site that did it and they have to make special arrangements to do it. That was at least "nice" to hear, that it wasnt just "routine."

However a lot of dr's are still ignorant about the care of intact boys, I actually had a new male dr. start to try and retract my son's foreskin. I jumped up and was like, "Stop, you dont need to do that, stop!" I was so mortified and shocked, he really believed that this was something he needed to do, honestly it felt creepy.
Needless to say we never went back there again.
I thought it was ironic that my female dr knew that an intact penis did not need any special care, but a male dr was totally clueless.

As far as the OP, if they ask you, maybe they are looking for reassurance, ie *hoping* you had your son circ'ed, it would be like your decision meant theirs was a good one. In that case it wouldnt matter what you said (since you left your baby alone), theyd probably be hurt, since the question wasnt really about you but about them, or they could actually want information but Im a cynic like that.

I remember way before I became a mother and my brother was watching my nephew getting circ'ed and how stressed my brother was. I thought it was really sad, but didnt really "get" the whole circ situation yet. Back then it seemed "normal", now it seems crazy.
All that stress and pain for what really? sigh oh well what's done is done.

My DF said a long time ago before I was pregnant that he'd want his son's to be circed, but I think time has softened his thick skull. Either way there's no way in hell my baby (sex unknown) will be cut up for no reason.
His rationale was something about men in Africa and AIDS.








Yes that sounds perfectly reasonable to me.









I think since you are truly concerned more about getting the question/answer over with and not hurting anyones feelings, just say you didnt see a reason to do it and leave it at that (as others have suggested). If they push you after that, well imo they are asking for it.
I still think it's an odd question, and it seems like someone is either fishing (for info, confirmation, whatever) or judging or both.


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## greenemami (Nov 1, 2007)

I have also gone the route of saying that I haven't heard a compelling reason TO circ and I dont' believe in unnecessary surgery. End of story, unless they insist on trying to convince me-then I have no problem listing the reasons why I don't believe in it, whether it offends them or not









I don't think you should feel like you have to defend yourself by overexplaining (although I definitely have felt that way before as well.)


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## jimblejamble (May 18, 2007)

"There is no medical need for it and I don't want to hurt my baby."


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

I've heard several explanations...

"If I wanted him to look just like his Dad, I'd have his Dad sit in a ice bath, for an hour, shave everything, and then come out whenever they wanted to compare."

"I didn't cut off my daughter's clitoral hood, why would I cut off my son's penis' foreskin?"

"If it ain't broken, don't fix it."

"My son's eyes are blue. His Dad's are brown. Should I put contacts in the baby's eyes as well, so he looks like his Dad?"

"Why would I have cosmetic surgery done on a newborn? My baby is absolutely beautiful!"

"It's not MY penis."

"If I tied you down and cut off part of your genitals against your will, for your own good, of course, would that be okay?"


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## nia82 (May 6, 2008)

Nobody ever wonders since I'm European. So I don't have to say much unless someone really wants to know, which happens rarely.
I must say though that all boys born within the last 2 years in DH's family (3 including DS) are intact. One father is European and the others didn't do it because their doctor/midwife/dunno who exactly told them it's not necessary. They live in CA though, I'm pretty sure it would be different if they lived in a high circ area.
DH's mom circed her sons and doesn't get offended. They recommended it to her in the 80ies and she just believes whatever the doc says. She just shrugs and says whatever, and I know she is not offended. She doesn't waste a whole lot of thoughts on that stuff. DH's abuelita (Slovakian/Italian who grew up in Argentina) however thanked us a bazillion times for not circing. She absolutely hates circing.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

I was only asked once, by my SIL. I just said "No. It's his penis". She has older children and isn't planning on having any more so it wasn't worth getting in to a discussion over.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Well, I have no sons and live in a low-circing country so it's not likely to come up.







But if it did, I think I'd probably say something like "I'm strongly against it for ethical reasons". It's honest, it's not disingenuous or cutesy, and it's as tactful as _I_ could be about the subject.







People could either question me further at their own risk or hastily change the subject.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Nobody has ever asked me about the state of my boys' genitals. No doctors, no nurses, nobody.

I do pipe up loudly when the topic arises, but I've never been directly questioned, and would probably give such a nosey person a horrified look and say, "_Why_ do you ask?"


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## purplestraws (Sep 13, 2006)

The few times that somebody has asked if we were going to circ or made reference to us needing to do it I've said, "Why would we?" I'm all about discussing it with people and making sure they have the FACTS about circumcision. Asking that question makes it possible to open up a conversation and to understand where they're coming from...and to help them see where you're coming from. Chances are, they've never even thought about NOT circing.

I think that when somebody challenges our position on leaving our sons intact it's our responsibility to be open to discussing it at length. If we really want to make a difference we have to use those opportunities to share the truth...even if it doesn't happen right away, maybe you'll plant a seed.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

No one has ever asked! My sister's bf made a comment to DH one time (he's passionately pro-circ because of the "locker room" hooey), but no one has ever said a single word, pro or con, to me.

The response I have in my brain is, "Couldn't come up with a reason to have it done."


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## elanorh (Feb 1, 2006)

Since mine are girls, I don't often get asked this question.







But, when circumcision comes up in conversation, my typical response is:

1. We didn't really know whether we wanted to or not, but our Pediatrician told us that she won't do them unless the parents have a religious reason, and that the AAP doesn't recommend circumcision.

2. I did a little research, and found she was right. No medical organization recommends circumcision. I figure, if we're born with them, we must need them! Why put a baby through a circumcision when it's not medically necessary?

3. (Since I live in a rural area) - Also, we don't circumcise our animals - so if circumcision is so important from a hygiene perspective, why don't vets circumcise all the breeding bulls/stallions etc. here? After all, we humans have access to soap, clean water, it's easy for us to clean with our hands, unlike the animals we aren't circumcising..... *This comment usually really makes people stop and think - for whatever reason, the 'cleanliness' argument seems to be the big one I hear around here.*

I've had this discussion with my older sister (who was passionate about circ from a 'cleanliness' perspective). She wasn't defensive at all - she said, "Well, I might have made a different decision if this information had been out there when G was born!" I think that the "My doctor says...." followed by "no medical organization recommends it" approach is a good way to defuse the defensiveness, at least if the kiddos are a bit older. In this way, mom (because it's usually a mom asking this) doesn't feel so defensive, AND has the "up to date" information in case circumcision comes up in a conversation she has with someone else (of course, the AAP hasn't recommended routine circumcision for a long time but they don't have to know that).... I often compare it to breastfeeding/formula-feeding; that doctors gave the wrong advice on that for a long time, too, and even now that they 'know better,' they still don't always give the best advice/support, just as some doctors continue to push circumcision even though their medical organizations don't recommend it.


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## angela1435 (May 11, 2007)

Thanks for all the responses! I have had 2 people ask so far. I said no and that was that. There is still one person that I have been avoiding talking with about it to be honest. But I think I am developing thicker skin.


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## ancoda (Oct 17, 2005)

I have just answered people that after researching it we did not feel that we had the right to make that decision for our sons. Also our insurance with our first son did not cover it. So that added to my feelings that it is purely cosmetic.


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