# Confirmed loss at 18 wks



## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am 20 weeks today and have been concerned for two weeks. I made a call to my MW this morning to just confirm what I already knew. I haven't felt any movement and I seem to be getting smaller.
We lost the baby, probably two weeks ago. My MW said it best, we women are usually right, even about the bad stuff.
I have to go tomorrow for the labor and delivery. I'm scared of the process and the pain. My other three children were born naturally, it was hard but good, I had something to look forward to. This is just so different. I just don't know what to expect. My MW said it is painful and just not nice.
I am so sad, I still haven't had a good cry. I suspect that will come after. Does anyone else know what I can expect tomorrow? I would love to hear from someone who has been through this.


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## notwonamesalike (Nov 13, 2007)

I'm so sorry momma.


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## TrippyLongstocking (Feb 27, 2007)

Oh my goodness!!sooo sorry mama








20 weeks is quite far along








At 15 weeks I gave birth to my little Sage ( i wasnt induced it was a natural miscarriage)and it was the first time I actually gave birth( 2 prior c sections)
Im assuming its just like labor and delivery of a full term baby but smaller...
It was very painful, and they wanted to keep me in over night to deliver the placenta or to have it removed with a d&c
I gave birth to my little teeny baby but went home refusing to stay the night.
The next day I birthed the placenta which didnt hurt at all physically anyways.....







the whole experience was hard.. sending some love your way mama







:


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## somanyjoys (Mar 14, 2006)

Oh, I am so sorry to hear of your loss! I found out at 20 weeks plus a few days that our baby had died sometime around 19 weeks. I was induced with Cytotec, which is inserted vaginally. It was inserted every four hours (a few times...not sure how many) and after each insertion, I had to lie on my side for two hours and my blood pressure was monitored every fifteen minutes for the first hour and every thirty minutes for the next hour. Then I had two hours to move around (I slept.) I didn't feel any contractions for the first twelve hours. Then I started feeling crampy. I had already decided, and my doctor had told me, that I didn't need to feel any pain. I got IV pain relief then, and that helped me sleep. When the contractions were about a minute apart, I did get an epidural. The pain wasn't really bad until then, and when it came, it came fast and hard. Now, I don't know if the epidural stalled things, or if my mental state did. My sister had been with me (along my my dh) all day, and my dad had come to get her to take her home and visit with us for a bit. I did feel the baby descending, but didn't say anything until they were all gone. Part of it was not wanting to share the moment with anyone but my husband, and part of that was wanting to hold on to my baby and to being pregnant just a while longer. I figured there was no reason to push as my body would do it on its own.

After they left, I had my husband check and he could see the bag of waters. We called the OB, and she broke the bag of waters and I pushed. Baby came out with a couple of pushes.

Our hospital was wonderful. If yours doesn't have procedures in place for losses, you may want to ask for a sign or note on your door so that anyone coming into your room (admission people, anesthesologist, etc) to know your situation. Ours was just a picture of a leaf with a water droplet on the leaf, but it was known what that meant. The nurses and doctor then left us with the baby for as long as we wanted. They wrapped him up and we both help him. After we called the nurses to get him, the doctor gave me more Cytotec to help me deliver the placenta. (It still did not deliver on its own, and I ended up having a D&C about six hours after I delievered the baby.) The nurses made footprints of the baby on a card for us, took pictures of him in a blanket and hat that volunteers had knitted, and wrote us notes. They put all of that in a box for us to take home. The hospital also provided some grief paperwork. The paperwork (I guess they gave it to us while I was laboring) recommended several things. You may want to consider those:

-- hold the baby as long as you want
-- name the baby
-- have whatever kind of memorial you want

As for not having a good cry yet, I was in shock for about two weeks. I cried some, but at almost two weeks, it really hit me. I think feeling numb is our body's way of coping at first.

I know this is long, but a month ago, I was in your shoes and I wanted as much information as I could get. I do believe with inductions at this stage, 24 to 48 of labor is normal. For me, it was just past 24 hours for delivering baby and 30 for placenta (D&C).

My prayers are with you!


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## happylemon (Nov 5, 2006)

I am so sorry


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Geez I'm so sorry.


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you tomorrow as you birth your baby. I hope you have a lot of support around you, and that everyone at the hospital is kind and gives you all the time you need.


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## ~Katrinka~ (Feb 4, 2007)

I am so, so sorry for your terrible loss. I lost my baby girl at 19 weeks, and, well...it's just devastating.
It's not surprising that you haven't had a good cry yet. The first stage of grief is shock, disbelief, and numbness. It's your mind's way of trying to protect you.
I had a D&E because I wasn't sure I would be able to go through with delivering my baby, so I can't tell you what to expect tomorrow.
Know that the thoughts another mom who has been through this are with you.








Ask your midwife to recommend a counselor. If there's someone at the hospital who can be with you tomorrow; it could be a great comfort. And even if not, seek out a counselor who specializes in birth loss. It's so important to have someone who stlll listens and understands, even months later.
Wishing you peace and healing, and hoping you are surrounded with people to love and support you.


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## Amydoula (Jun 20, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

Thanks for all the support.
I'm going to try to get some sleep. We have to be at the hospital at 6:00am.


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## punkrawkmama27 (Aug 31, 2007)

I am so very sorry


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## youthpastormama (Mar 24, 2007)

I am so, so sorry.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

I'm so sorry







Thinking of you today...


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## Sioko (Feb 3, 2007)

thinking of you







s


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## ediesmom (Nov 19, 2001)

you willl be in my thoughts today

a pp said to hold the baby....for me that was crucial. and pictures. when we lose our little ones before birth we have very few hours to mother them afterward.

and the birthing is difficult. the drugs used make it physically so. the loss makes it emotionally so.

be gentle with yourself...and know that at the end of labor you will get to meet your baby and love him or her.

i am so sorry, mama. i know it hurts.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my little one at 17 weeks. I can relate about knowing something is wrong... I had a bad feeling about my pregnancy right from the start, that I would lose the baby, and even when I heard the heartbeat twice and hit my second trimester, there still wasn't much relief in my heart...

I delivered my little one 2 days after finding out she had passed. It's funny, it wasn't even that long ago but already the details are fuzzy for me. I have everything, labor and birth story journaled... the link is in my signature if you would like to read it.

And also, like pps have said, I am so glad that I chose to spend time with & hold my baby as well as take pictures, it was very healing for me.

You'll be in my thoughts today. Peace and strength to you


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## fallriverfox (Nov 16, 2006)

Thinking of you today


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## ikesmom (Oct 29, 2005)

I had the same fears you do. Prayers for you and your family..I am so sorry.
I had the cytotec as well. I didn't want pain relief at first because I wanted to hold on to whatever I could even the pain but I took it because I kept hearing babies cry from the other rooms on hospital floor. I made them do another ultrasound before just to make sure ( i went through a little denial or hope whatever you call it).

I woke up later at night and had to use the restroom and it happened quickly in one fast gush. I let her slide through my hands without holding her or really looking...I was so afraid. I wish I would of held her. I went back to the bed and told my husband to call the nurse and passed out. I was so numb...for days..I don't remember much.

Let us know how your doing. Sometimes no one talks about it with you and you might want to . God bless


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## leobabe (Dec 29, 2007)

i am so, so sorry.
you are in my prayers.


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## fallriverfox (Nov 16, 2006)

How are you doing?


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## gratefulbambina (Mar 20, 2005)

I'm so sorry


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