# 14yo daughter has been sleeping around



## El.Ja (Aug 18, 2018)

I just found out that my 14 year old daughter has been sleeping around, behaving like a slut. I was shocked to find out that at this early age she's already had more sex partners than I've had in my entire life.

Of course I understand that at her age she's exploring her sexuality and she can't remain a virgin forever, but I never expected her to behave like this. At home she's always been a good girl, a bit shy even. Now it seems she's a whole other girl when I'm not watching her.

This makes me wonder, have I failed as a parent? Should I have seen this coming? What should I do about it, or is it too late to do anything about it already?


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

I see you're a new member, so welcome to Mothering. Can you give more info about the family situation? Are there two parents, siblings? Have things been basically ok at home? I mean it is a health risk to have many sexual partners at any age, and particularly so when it is a child that doesn't have the skills to weigh the pros and cons of this.


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## Claudia Chapman (Aug 9, 2012)

Based on the limited information given, the only way in which you may have let your daughter down is by using the word "slut" to describe her behavior. I understand your concern over this issue, but thinking of her behavior in these terms will be reflected in how you relate to her, and this will influence how she sees herself. Sit back. Think of a better way to describe what she's doing. Is she behaving like a girl who may be confused? Lonely? Seeking popularity? Looking for love? Perhaps she just has a very healthy sexual appetite which needs some redirecting for her own safety and well-being.


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## Claudia Chapman (Aug 9, 2012)

The following is meant as a general observation and is not directed to the OP particularly:

For centuries girls and women have been defined by their sexuality. A girl's mother is often the very first person who tells her that she's a "bad girl." Or that she's a slut, tramp, damaged goods, or even a Jezebel, as the father of a good friend in high school called her. This has gone on for centuries and it's damaged more than one young woman's self-esteem and her sense of self-definition. Paradoxically shaming a girl for her behavior makes it more likely that she will make sexual choices that aren't in her best interest. 

Having a number of partners at 14 is something the girl in the original post has done. It isn't who she is. The language we use when we think of our kids is as important as the language we use with them. Sometimes, as parents of a teen who isn't behaving as we'd hoped they would, we may feel powerless, but it's important to remember just how powerful we are. The language we use to describe them stays with them, and contributes to their sense of self forever.


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## Kendallsmom (Aug 23, 2018)

I see how upsetting this is. However I imagine she is probably just trying out a new persona which is what teens do. My conversations with her would be about self respect, caution as far as pregnancy and std’s go, and how she feels about having sex with multiple partners. Shaming her won’t get you very far . If she knows you are there for her and will try hard not to judge her she might be more open


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## alejandragraceiglesias (Dec 29, 2018)

El.Ja said:


> I just found out that my 14 year old daughter has been sleeping around, behaving like a slut. I was shocked to find out that at this early age she's already had more sex partners than I've had in my entire life.
> 
> Of course I understand that at her age she's exploring her sexuality and she can't remain a virgin forever, but I never expected her to behave like this. At home she's always been a good girl, a bit shy even. Now it seems she's a whole other girl when I'm not watching her.
> 
> This makes me wonder, have I failed as a parent? Should I have seen this coming? What should I do about it, or is it too late to do anything about it already?


maybe you have failed as a parent but not because of what u think. because you use words like slut to describe your own kid. at 14 she is starting to grow up and get to the age where 200 years ago shed be on her second kid. and some girls dont do all that at her age but a lot do. its all about her personal morals and what she feels like doing, something u just cant control. stds and pregnancy are dangerous, so if anything you should make sure shes safe but dont try to stop her by being so harsh that will do nothing good for her. i wouldent want a kid whos like that either but your attitude to it is all wrong lady.


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

THis is kind of an old thread and the person who posted it only made one post, so let's just let it rest. Alejandragrace.... though you disagree with her parenting, be mindful of the User Agreement in your words which were rather harsh as well.


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