# Nightweaning my toddler



## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

I just want to share my experience nightweaning my toddler. While I was struggling with the decision to do go through with it or not, I found so much support and information here in this forum. Reading other people's experiences was invaluable, so I thought I'd do the same. I'll start from the beginning.

DD was born 6/29/03, and at the beginning we coslept with her. Right from the beginning she knew her days from nights - she's never woken in the night and wanted to stay up (except for the one time we flew to New Zealand from CA and she got wicked jet lagged). Her issue has pretty much always been the frequency of her waking.

Until she was about 6 months old she woke 2 or 3 times a night, always nursing quickly back to sleep. At 6 months she started taking longer to nurse to sleep when putting her down, and she started waking more like 4 or 5 times a night. By 8 months she was waking 6 - 10 times a night, and my sleep deprivation began to take over. I read and tried everything in NCSS. What helped slightly was establishing a bedtime routine, and making bedtime earlier (7:30 instead of 10:00). But she still always woke over 5 times a night.

We thought maybe sleeping in bed with us was the problem, so we moved her into a pack-n-play next to our bed. That didn't help, but it didn't make things worse, so we kept her in there, since it made DH and I more comfortable in our bed. Then we thought maybe just being in the same room with us was waking her up, so we moved her into her room across the hall. Again, it didn't help, didn't hurt, so we kept her in there, since it was nice to be able to move around in our room without having to be absolutely silent.

At this point I was getting up 5+ times a night to go in to her when she woke crying, pick her up, nurse her sitting up in a chair, and then put her back down in her pack-n-play. It was killing me! I had tried nursing her lying down several times since she was born, but had never been able to get it to work. When DD was 10 months old I went to a LLL meeting, where a member gave me a tip on nursing lying down (latch DD sitting up like normal first, then lie down without unlatching) which worked like a charm, so DH and I got ourselves a new bed and put our old bed in DD's room for her. But I ended up sleeping in with her all the time, and nursing her as often as she woke.

When she was around 14 months we went dairy free, to see if that was causing the frequent night wakings. 3 weeks with neither of us having any dairy at all showed no improvement, so I gave that up. DH and I were wanting to start TTC, but I couldn't imagine being pregnant and having to wake and nurse DD as often she she still required. So we kept putting it off, hoping that by next month DD would be sleeping longer stretches and waking less. But this never happened. We toyed with the idea of nightweaning her starting around 15 months, but put it off while we discussed the pros and cons. Finally now, at almost 19 months, we've decided to go for it.

The reasons we feel like DD is now ready for night weaning are:
* She's eating solid foods well now. Until about a month ago, DD ate very little. We started her on solids at 6 months, and she just wasn't interested in them. She would eat little bits here and there, but nothing consistently or regularly. Now she eats well, so I don't worry that she needs the nutrients of night nursing as much.

* She started pulling off the breast and rolling over and wanting to snuggle to sleep. Until a few weeks ago, the only way she would fall asleep at all was being nursed to sleep. If I didn't unlatch her gently enough, she would wake up and root around for the breast, and freak out if I didn't give it to her. Now once she's drained each breast I can unlatch her, tell her "night night" and she'll roll over and fall asleep.

* She can now understand when we explain that "sou-sou (what we call breastfeeding) is tired". When told this, she'll often unlatch herself, roll over and go to sleep.

Okay, so that's what got us to the point where we decided to nightwean. Here's how we're doing it. At first we thought of using Dr. Jay Gordon's gradual nightweaning approach. But I thought that would draw out the agony. Plus, she already nursed for very short each time she woke in the night. So we decided to nurse her to sleep still, then go cold turkey over night. Then nurse her again starting at 6:00 am (we get up around 7:30).

Many people had told us that it would be better for us to have DH sleep with her, and for me to take myself entirely away, so that the breasts aren't there to entice DD. Since I had been cosleeping with DD, and DH had been sleeping in a different room, we tried having DH sleep with DD a few nights while I was still nursing DD at night, to get DD used to DH being there. DD really didn't seem to like sleeping with DH, mainly because he snores so loudly. Plus, when she woke for her nursings, she would cry out for me, and freak out real bad when DH would try calming her before I got in the room. So we gave up on the idea of DH sleeping with DD.

We started Friday night. We explained to her throughout the day what would happen. We kept her up a little later than usual (9:00 pm instead of 8:00 pm). I got ready for bed as well, so that I would just go to sleep with her, rather than get up like usual and go to bed later. I nursed her to sleep. I fell asleep. She slept till 12:30am. 3.5 hours, already a record for her! I snuggled her, told her that sou-sou was sleeping, and she could nurse in the morning. She was not happy, cried and cried for about 30 minutes. I tried singing, putting on her lullaby CD that she falls asleep to. In the end, DH came in and tried to help settle her, and that is what seemed to work. She slept another 2 hours, and woke at 3:00am. This time she only cried for 5 minutes, again settling down once DH came in and put his hand on her back and whispered to her that it was time to sleep. Then she didn't wake again till 6:00am, when I nursed her, and she slept until 7:30 and we got up.

That first night went so well I thought that for the second night I could sleep in with DH, and only go in when DD woke up. But she ended up waking up after just 1 hour, and then repeatedly through the rest of the night. I ended up sleeping in with her, and the night was a blur, but I know she was up and down crying through much of the night.







But she was happy in the morning.

The third night was only slightly better than the second night. But here's the good part. Last night was the fourth night. I nursed her to sleep around 8:30, and got up. She slept until 2:30! She officially slept through the night! Then she woke up once more at 6:00, and I nursed her. It was amazing.

So that's our story so far. I'll update after some more nights if anyone is interested. Congrats if you've read this far.


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## FireWithin (Apr 29, 2004)

I have been really struggling with night nursing DS who is 21 mos old. It has built up a lot of tension in me at night, prevents me from being a good mama during the night and really doesn't seem to help him go to sleep.
After last night, I decided that it was time to night wean. I'm not sure how far we will go. But, I do know that DS is showing signs fo being able to put himself to sleep: nurse 10 min I pop him off tell him it's time to sleep, and he does. (as long as he has been able to nurse on both sides.) Occasionally I am able to ask him to wait a short time before nursing, and he is able to settle himself to sleep. I think that I am going to continue to do what we are doing but at a more accelerated pace, and hope that it works. I don't feel comfortable having him cry more than a couple fo minutes though.
thanks for your story, it helped me.


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## tonlo (Jan 2, 2004)

This thread is so timely for me; thank you for sharing! My daugher is just a couple weeks older and she wakes frequently in much the same age pattern. I fantasize about nightweaning especially after nights like last night. She was up for a long stretch, nursing from side to side and not returning to sleep. I think the situation is now complicated further because she is toilet learning and I did not realize she needed to go at first- returned to sleep after a trip to the bathroom.

My question: Are you home during the day? I teach in an elementary school during the day so I have been hesitant to nightwean since she only has access before work (8:00), at lunch (11:15), and when I return home (4:00). She eats solids well, but I'm just not sure...


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

Thanks for sharing, we are currently struggling with night weaning. It's not that I want her to night wean but I need to sleep through the night.


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## maman de Corinne (Jul 25, 2004)

Hi Castel!

I'm happy to see it works for you







I remember you were thinking about nightweaning when I started a thread about that in december. I'm really interested to know how things improved for you. So keep posting!

Here, we had to stop nighweaning because we are all sick (just a cold but...) and it seems I can't nurse my dd only 1/2 waking: she don't understand why I give in sometimes and not the next time. So I nurse her every time she wakes up (sometimes every hour







). I hope I'm gonna have more success the next time we are gonna start nightweanig.

Good luck!


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## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

Thanks to those who've responded!

*Mammo2Sammo* - It sounds to me like your DS might be ready to nightwean as well. I hate hearing my DD cry, but after reading so many posts about nightweaning only being bad the first night or two, I took the plunge. It was horrible having DD cry for half an hour, but that only happened the one time, and now she settles pretty much as quickly with just me snuggling her as she used to settle by nursing. You have to do what you feel is right though. Good luck!

*tonlo* - I am home with DD all day, but so far she hasn't asked to nurse more in the day than she did before I started nightweaning her. She had been nursing about 6 times a day (including nursing to sleep for her nap, and when she wakes from her nap). And now she's still nursing about that much. So if your DD seems happy with the amount she nurses during the day now, nightweaning might not change that. Good luck!

*Eman'smom* - I hope it all works out for you. For me, I had the opposite main goal. I wanted her to stop nursing at night. I plan on TTC soon, and I've heard from so many pregnant mothers that nursing while pregnant can be painful. I'll put up with nipple pain during the day, but not all night. Also, I've read that your milk can dry up or change drastically when pregnant, so I didn't want to start to TTC before knowing that DD would be okay without nursing at night. The fact that she's now waking less is an added bonus to the nightweaning.

Now for an update. Night Five went by much like Night Four. She nursed to sleep at 8:30, and I got out of bed, leaving her by herself. When I went to sleep I went to bed with DH, so DD was still by herself. She slept till 2:30am. She cried through changing her diaper, then settled after just 30 seconds of me rubbing her back. When she fell back asleep I got up and went back to bed with DH. She woke again at 5:30, I went in and just 10 seconds of rubbing her back soothed her back to sleep. I stayed in bed with her, and nursed her when she woke at 7:00. So far so good.


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## annebanane (Nov 18, 2004)

I have known that I need to nightwean my son for a while now and your post really helped me to feel more confident about it.

thanks.


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## Yin Yang (Jul 9, 2003)

Your story sounds very similar to ours. We just starting night weaning our 17 months old.

Last night was our fifth night and it went good. The first 4 nights I slept next room and he slept with daddy - they are very close. First night he woke up around midnight (usual nursing time) and cried, but daddy made him go back to sleep without me coming in. Then he slept until 5:30 am!
Second and third night it was pretty much the same, forth night he woke up crying at 1:30, and it was different type of cry - I knew he was hungry, because he did not eat much during the day since his teeth are coming in, so went in and nursed him, then he slept until 6:30! Last night I slept in the bed too because my back was getting sore from sleeping on futon and he was great. Woke up at 2:30 I did nurse and then he nursed at 5:30....I know I slepped here a little, but tonight it will be all night wiout nursing!

He sleeps SO MUCH harder now! How is not all over the place, and gets much better wuality of sleep since he does not wake up every 1-2 hours! I finally got some sleep too! I just have to stick with it from now on! Sometimes I am so sleepy I don't even know what time it is and I nurse him....them I look at the clock and







: it's only 11pm! or something like that........

First couple of night where really rough before I moved into next room - he would be crying and really angry, sqeezing my boobs, puting his hand behind my shirt ....it was really hard to calm him down since the boobs were so close....KWIM? So we decided daddy is the one who has to do this job for me. So I moved next room and it was much better!

Good luck to you all!







I am excited to learn how to sleep throught the night myself now! My sleep is so messed up that it will take me some time!


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

Hi! We are doing some nightweaning around here, too. I have been doing it gradually, in stages, since she was about 18 months. We have had fits and starts due to illness, teething, and travel, but my goal now is to get her to sleep from my bedtime (about MN, usually) until 6:00. She does very well between her bedtime and mine. She just gets so angry and cries and screams when I say no, time for sleeping, nursing in the morning. It's very frustrating, because I so desperately need to sleep and this process is making it worse! Sometimes I nurse her in my sleep. I wake up and look at the clock and realize she is nursing and it is not time yet! The inconsistency doesn't help. A friend suggested buttoning my nightgown all the way up instead of leaving it undone. That way I would have to wake up more. I tried it last night and I did wake up at 4:00 and say no, but then she kept waking me up every few minutes until six. She is so persistent! And I am soooo tired!!


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## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

Hi *maman de Corinne*! sorry to hear you were sick.







I hope you're feeling better now. Keep us updated on how your nightweaning is going.

I agree with you, *Sofiamomma* , that inconsistency probably makes the process more difficult. I've held strong, and haven't nursed her once in the night since we started nightweaning. Well... twice I nursed her at 5:45 am rather than waiting till after 6:00, but I figure that's close enough.









So here's my 1 week report. Night Six was my first night of some night classes that I've signed up to take, so I was going to be out from 5:30 - 9:30 pm. Since DD always falls asleep nursing around 8:30, I told DH to just keep her up till I got home, because I thought that'd be easiest. I gave her a big nursing at 5:00, then went to class. Imagine my surprise when I get home at 9:15, and she's already asleep!







She was content to just snuggle with DH to sleep, only asking for me a few times. For some reason I felt all sad having missed her falling asleep. But happy to know that she _can_ fall asleep without me if needed.







Even better, she slept till 3:30 am, I went in and snuggled her, and she slept till 6:30 when I nursed her.

Last night, Night Seven, I had another class, same deal. I got home and she was already asleep again. She had fallen asleep at 8:30 snuggling DH. And







: she slept through till 5:00! It's truly amazing. I never thought when we started that in one week she would go from waking EVERY HOUR all night long to sleeping from 8:30 pm - 5:00 am. I'm just so happy.







Have hope everyone!

ps. check it out, I made myself a signature!


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

Buttoning up my nightgown has helped. She slept from midnight to seven without nursing. Woohoo! Course, she' sick, so we'll see what happens once she feels better.


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## maman de Corinne (Jul 25, 2004)

Wow Castel!!
















This is very good. I think your dd was ready for nightweaning if she reacts like this.

You really give me hope.

Thank you


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## FireWithin (Apr 29, 2004)

The night that I decided ti was time to nightwean, I realized DS is cutting his last canine. I decided not to do a formal nightwean at the moment, but still continue with what I've been doing. Letting him nurse 5-10 min, and pop him off even if he is awake - forcing him to go to sleep while in a sleepy state, rather than nursing him to a full sleep.
I do think that he is ready to nightwean, and we will pick it up again, when Ithink the time is right.
As we have progressed with how I described this partial nightweaning, DS waking up has siginifantly reduced (of course we have 2-3 nights a week of great difficulty). An average good night is waking 2 times. not bad at all. I think this is partially because what I have been doing, but also because he has been aging out of waking up.
I have no desire to teach him how to go to sleep with nursing to sleep, for bedtime. I still think he needs that.

I'm enjoying this thread.


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## Music-mommy (Jan 8, 2005)

All I can say to you all, is don't stop! I nightweaned my dd at 28 months, but then she got sick, and I resorted to nursing her again. Then I tried again this xmas (3 years old) it really only takes a week, and then she got sick and I was so exhausted I let her nurse again. She is now back to waking every 2 hours, and I am at my wits end.

I am pregnant which makes it worse, and I am just so sick of nursing. I feel resentful when she nurses and feel like I deserve to get some sleep after almost 4 years of waking at night.

So I suppose I'll have to take it up again in a few weeks. But all I can say is that if you give in, then you're back to square one and have to go through the week of hell yet again, so don't stop! Find other ways to comfort your child if they get sick but don't start nursing again!


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## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

I thought I'd post another update. Let's see, Night Seven was the last one I wrote, which had DD fall asleep with DH cuddling her, since I was out. She slept for 8:30 pm - 5:00 am.









So Nights Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, and Twelve have all been pretty much the same. She nurses to sleep at 8:30. She rustles, whimpers around 11:00, but falls back to sleep after about 30 seconds without anyone going in to her. Then she rustles, whimpers and wakes crying at 1:00 am, I go in and snuggle her back to sleep. This takes about 1 minute. At this point I stay in bed with her. She rustles and whimpers again around 5:00 or 5:30. If it's after 5:30 I generally nurse her, though I'd like it to be past 6:00. Then we nurse, doze off, nurse, doze off again till she wakes fully around 7:30.

All in all, I'm very happy with the way things are going. I'm curious to see if she sleeps through till 5:00 again tonight since I'll be out and DH will be putting her to sleep.

One benefit I was thinking about this morning... I LOVE sleeping with her now! It's so nice to snuggle her, and have her be happy with that, and not demand to be nursed anymore, grabbing at my breasts. I don't have to worry nearly so much about turning over, or getting up for any reason. I used to be so scared to even move a muscle, because she'd wake so easily and need to be nursed. Now she just sleeps through it all! So I can lie there looking at her asleep and know that she's the sweetest thing in the world.


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## Dolphin (Apr 22, 2004)

This is so encouraging! Thanks so much for posting this. I've been debating the nightweaning question for a month or so now. DS is almost 19 mos, and I think he might be ready for it, because he's been doing a lot of the same things as others' here. I'm very encouraged now, and I think we'll give it a shot! Thanks!


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

I hear you, Castle, about the being afraid to move! I was like that, too. My good news is, the other morning I was lying on the couch after dragging myself out of the bed. I finally managed to right myself and my older dd asked what was wrong and I explained I was soooo tired from waking up so often all night. Just then I turned to dd2, pointed at her and said "You! Need to let me sleep at night. All night! Okay?!" in that sort of mock stern, yet still somewhat serious voice. She looked startled, then said "'Kay" and that was that! She's slept all night ever since, with the exception of one nightwaking at 11:00 pm, at which time I was going to bed and I nursed her and she slept the rest of the night. Another time she woke up then, but went back to sleep, so I didn't nurse her and she woke up a couple hours later, after I'd gone to sleep. So, the next time that happened I woke her back up!

I feel so much better!!!

Shoot, if I'd known that was all it would take, I'd have done it much sooner! :LOL


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

Oops! Double post!


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## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

I wrote:

Quote:

I'm curious to see if she sleeps through till 5:00 again tonight since I'll be out and DH will be putting her to sleep.
Well, that night my class was canceled because of the snow, so I nursed her to sleep as usual, and she was the same... Rustled at 11:00, woke at 1:00, snuggled back to sleep easily, woke at 5:00, snuggled to sleep, woke at 6:00 when I nursed her, fell back asleep till 7:30.

Last night I did have class, so DH put DD to sleep while I was out. Also, I was in a rush before I left, so I was not able to nurse her before I left like I had the other times I had class. Well, for some reason, she does seem to sleep longer when DH puts her to sleep. She didn't wake till 3:30, and snuggled to sleep quickly, then woke at 5:15. I nursed her then, since it had been over 12 hours since I had last nursed her.

Since she's pretty much down to just the one 1:00 am waking per night when I nurse her to sleep, I'm not going to bother trying to replicate the DH-putting-her-to-sleep factor that makes her sleep slightly longer. I wonder what it is though...


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## glad2bemysonsmom (Feb 15, 2005)

Hello, I'm new to this list so please forgive me if I'm jumping in.

I'm the mother of a cosleeping 1 1/2 year old son who wakes up 3 - 4 times a night to nurse. The trouble I'm having with this is that he nurses for long periods evey time he wakes up. He can nurse, half asleep for up to 2 hours. If I try to unlatch him he wakes up and screems.

I can't go back to sleep while he's nursing so I'm up a lot at night. As a full-time working parent I can't make up for this lost sleep during the day. I'm not able to be the mom I want to be because I'm so tired.

I've tried to nightwean him a couple of times but have had to go back to nursing when he's gotten teeth or a cold.

I'm afraid the only solution is to put him in his crib to let him CIO (not congruent with my values). Is there any hope of continuing to cosleep with this nursing toddler?


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## Rox5266 (Nov 26, 2004)

Glad: You never have to resort to CIO! Please try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley or the method advocated by Dr. Jay Gordon before ever considering CIO!

I plan on nightweaning my ds, who is also 1 1/2 years old, but I am going to take time off of work when my vacation kicks in again next month to do it. That way I can nap with him during the day if I have a rough night with him. I also like the idea of letting my dh sleep with him instead of me - he will hate it, he has only slept with me since he was a couple months old (dh decided to sleep elsewhere). Only thing I am afraid of is that dh will not wake when he stirs. I am so in tune with ds that I am awake as soon as he wiggles next to me.

Good luck to all you mommies, and stick with it, never give into CIO!

Roxanne
Daniel 8/9/03


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## JennInSeattle (Nov 22, 2003)

I'm very slowly just beginning to night wean Nathan (he's 18 months old). After a lot of nursing if Nathan still isn't back to sleep in the middle of the night/early morning I'll tell him that my nursies hurt and hold down my shirt. He cries for a few minutes but I rub his back and hum Somewhere Over the Rainbow and within 10 minutes he goes to sleep. I usually only do this once a night and not every night but hopefully he'll get the idea that he can go to sleep pretty easily without nursies in the next six months and we can night wean. In all honesty he's sleeping much longer through the night than he used to so I'm not very worried about it, it's just that on occasion he's nursed too long and I'm sore so I have to get him to sleep another way.


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