# Friend's son wears dresses.



## intrepidmother (Feb 21, 2009)

Hi! I'm curious about opinions out there.

My best friend lets her son wear dresses in public. I live in a conservative little town and everyone gets really uncomfortable with a 3 yr. old boy wearing a dress. My BF is clueless with the discomfort her son causes.

What would you do? Is this even a concern?


----------



## bandgeek (Sep 12, 2006)

It's no one else's concern. Maybe the boy is just going through a phase, maybe he's actually a girl in a boy's body. Either way, he should be able wear that's comfortable for him without worrying about what people think.


----------



## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

No concern for me. Clothing is a battle I don't choose to enter. My son pretty much wears what he wants. I might cringe when he insists on wearing plaid with stripes or shiver when he wants to wear short sleeve tees in the middle of a cold new england winter but







so not worth the power struggle.


----------



## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

It is no big deal at all. Probably means nothing, with the regard to the child's orientation, too. I think it's WONDERFUL that your friend lets her son choose what he wears (I'm assuming it's his choice, not hers, right?) . I bow down at her feet for being so loving and accepting!!!! I think it's a fabulous lesson for the town, too. If you can support her in your town, by saying a little something whenever someone expresses their discomfort, I'm sure it would help. Stuff like this can spread around quickly. If you were to say, "Yeah, isn't it cute that he does that? I just love him. He's such a unique kid.", purposefully misinterpreting what the uncomfortable villagers are saying, chances are your comment will be spread, too, and people will agree with you.


----------



## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Why should she care if other people are uncomfortable?


----------



## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

We all do things that make other people uncomfortable, why should we have to reevaluate what we're doing because of that?

I doubt anyone in town gets uncomfortable because a 3 year old girl wears pants.


----------



## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

I think it's fantastic that she allows her son to express himself without getting concerned about what others might think. My guess is that that little boy has and will continue to have a great relationship with his mom.


----------



## Getz (May 22, 2005)

Is she clueless or she just doesn't care?

If he wants to wear a dress, I think it is great that she doesn't try to stop him. Good for her!


----------



## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

My nearly 4 year old son recently wore a hot pink tutu in the grocery store. So what? He's a kid. Like a PP said, for one thing, so not worth the power struggle, and for another...who cares?


----------



## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I don't think it is a big deal.


----------



## azmomtoone (Aug 30, 2008)

Why does it make other people uncomfortable?







They're problem..... I've let my son wear pj's out, and mismatched clothes, because he chose them....if we had dresses around and he chose to wear one, or asked for one at the store, I'd let him, absolutely.

(I did draw the line at letting him wear Mommy's underwear around his neck when leaving home though).


----------



## meco (Mar 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bandgeek* 
It's no one else's concern. Maybe the boy is just going through a phase, maybe he's actually a girl in a boy's body. Either way, he should be able wear that's comfortable for him without worrying about what people think.

This. I don't think it should be of concern to people in your town.

Are you sure she is clueless? Because she might be choosing to ignore irrational, ridiculous judgments (passed on a 3 year old to boot!) and close-mindedness, and let her son feel free to express himself and dress how he wants.


----------



## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

What could possible be the problem with that?


----------



## Jenivere (Aug 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
Why should she care if other people are uncomfortable?


----------



## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Time for the town to grow up.









Men in many cultures have worn dresses or skirts. They're fun! Good for her.


----------



## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

I think it depends.

If she is putting her DS's comfort before random town folks comfort, then great for her







. When her DS realizes that it is causing issues, he will decide whether he thins it's worth it. On the bright side, at least they can tell he's a boy, for some reason people keep thinking my short haired child in boy clothes is a girl







.

However, if she is dressing her unaware 3yo cross gender specifically to make her own statement, then I would say something. It's really not fair to set your child up for teasing over something so trivial as gender appropriate clothing.


----------



## honey-lilac (Jun 30, 2009)

I agree with the PP - if it's the boy's choice, then fine! If it's mom's choice (which I find hard to believe) then it's a bit different.

I'm pretty conservative about a lot of stuff but I have no problems with, if you'll excuse the expression, "girly" boys. Especially if they're toddlers. My son is pretty sensitive, wants to wear dresses (even though we have yet to get him one, but he wishes he could fit into DD's dresses - probably next summer we'll get him one of his own to wear) and says he's a "pretty princess" a lot. He also likes nail polish and lip gloss. He also loves fairies and butterflies - his room is covered in them. He likes dolls, cooking, baking, and gardening. He likes to "help" me embroider and has tea parties.

He also wrestles, he adores trucks and trains and cars, adores playing in the mud and dirt, thinks fire trucks and garbage trucks are the coolest thing in the world, likes sword fighting (not too fond of that one myself!) and tells me he's going to be a pirate and a musketeer. (That is, when he isn't going to be an elephant or princess.) And DD does these things right along with him.

Gender, schmender. They do whatever seems like fun at the time and they like to look pretty in whatever way it seems to them at the moment. Sometimes pretty is about nail polish and tiaras and sometimes it's about fire truck boots. Whatever!

(ETA: We also have long and loud conversations, usually in very quiet public places, about the certain body parts boys and girls have, and how big they are, and which ones daddies and mommies have. Etc. So he's certainly aware of biological differences. FWIW.)


----------



## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

I don't understand why this is an issue. He's three.


----------



## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

http://www.utilikilts.com/


----------



## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Until either WW1 or WW2 (too tired to recall which right now) boys were commonly dressed in dressed until the age of 5 - and pink was one of the colors they wore. I don't see an issue here.


----------



## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

I think it's cute. I have seen many a three year old in some wild stuff. A previous neighbor had a girl that would either wear underwear or pants, never both. So, she was frequently in just underwear. 3 is the time where you should be able to wear whatever you feel like.

I'm going to say that I wouldn't "let" my son wear a dress in public because we don't have any!







I don't even think I own one. If he was interested in dresses I would get him a kilt style one. We are Scottish anyways.

His uncle (my BIL) wore one to our wedding!


----------



## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Good for them


----------



## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
I doubt anyone in town gets uncomfortable because a 3 year old girl wears pants.









:

It's ridiculous that girls can wear anything but boys are supposed to limit themselves to wearing 50% of the available clothing.


----------



## momtoS (Apr 12, 2006)

I wouldn't say anything. It is not a problem. If people have a problem with it....it is their problem and they can deal with it.


----------



## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

i think that if the kid wants to wear a dress, he should wear a dress. and if others object to boys in dresses, then they are probably free to dress as they wish and move on with their lives. really.


----------



## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Eventually people will just stop noticing. Especially if it's a small community, everyone will just stop wondering because they will be used to it.

Everything new or different takes a while for people to get comfortable with, so she probably just doesn't care. They'll get over it.

He will just be the kid who marches to the beat of his own drum. It's great!


----------



## chiara (Apr 6, 2005)

no big dealio.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

It's not a problem. The only reason I don't let ds2 go out in a dress is because it bothers dh. DS2 _did_ go to a birthday party in our complex this summer wearing a dress. We got invited over for cake at the last minute, and ds2 happened to be wearing one of dd1's dresses...a Disney Princess dress, in fact. I had no problem with it.


----------



## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kaleanani* 
I agree with the PP - if it's the boy's choice, then fine! If it's mom's choice (which I find hard to believe) then it's a bit different.
.)

Exactly this. Couldn't agree more.


----------



## Jenivere (Aug 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
http://www.utilikilts.com/

I really need to convince my husband to wear one of those.


----------



## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jenivere* 
I really need to convince my husband to wear one of those.









Ditto!

And kudos to the mother for letting her boy wear what he wants to, despite other people's backwards thinking.


----------



## rhiandmoi (Apr 28, 2006)

Wow. That's a tough one.

On the one hand, if he is gender queer - it's awesome that she is supporting him from the gate. On the other hand, if this is a phase he's going through - small towns have long memories. I don't think it's about the townspeople's current discomfort, but her DS's future discomfort. I don't know. I would probably not have my own child cross dress in public in a small town until I really knew this was a long term thing for him.


----------



## Litcrit (Feb 23, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SunshineJ* 
Until either WW1 or WW2 (too tired to recall which right now) boys were commonly dressed in dresses until the age of 5 - and pink was one of the colors they wore. I don't see an issue here.

I have a picture of my grandfather in a lovely white dress







. Taken around 1909, when he was 3.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rhiandmoi* 
Wow. That's a tough one.

On the one hand, if he is gender queer - it's awesome that she is supporting him from the gate. On the other hand, if this is a phase he's going through - small towns have long memories. I don't think it's about the townspeople's current discomfort, but her DS's future discomfort. I don't know. I would probably not have my own child cross dress in public in a small town until I really knew this was a long term thing for him.

I find the fact that we live in a society where someone can even say "cross dress" about a 3 year old and keep a straight face really...sad. If I were really concerned about people's long-term memory of my 3 year old son wearing dresses, I'd be more likely to consider moving away than forcing him to wear "boy clothes".


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Litcrit* 
I have a picture of my grandfather in a lovely white dress







. Taken around 1909, when he was 3.

Yeah...there are a lot of things about that time period I wouldn't want to go back to, but they did seem to have a better grasp on the idea that children aren't adults, and don't perceive the world through adult filters.


----------



## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Now that I think about it...

If my three year old son wore skirts/dresses, he wouldn't have to take off his pants to pee, and if he didn't take off his pants to pee (and actively neglect to put them back on), we might actually be able to keep him clothed. *ponder*


----------



## kate42 (Feb 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I find the fact that we live in a society where someone can even say "cross dress" about a 3 year old and keep a straight face really...sad. If I were really concerned about people's long-term memory of my 3 year old son wearing dresses, I'd be more likely to consider moving away than forcing him to wear "boy clothes".

ITA. A three year old boy in a dress isn't cross-dressing, is it? Of course not.

We just moved from a small town not unlike what the OP was referring to, and I can see how something out of the ordinary would cause a kerfluffle. But I would never let my child change who she/he is in order to appease the villagers.

It's not the OP's friend's issue or the child's issue. Sounds like they are doing just fine.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
Now that I think about it...

If my three year old son wore skirts/dresses, he wouldn't have to take off his pants to pee, and if he didn't take off his pants to pee (and actively neglect to put them back on), we might actually be able to keep him clothed. *ponder*

That might be why both sexes wore dresses for so long, now that I think about it!


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

When YoungSon was 4 or so he found a lovely women's vest - black cotton, embroidered with turquoise and pink floral designs. Clearly feminine, it looked like it came from India or Pakistan perhaps. He wore that all day every day for about 3 years. At first kids teased him, after a while, they got used to it. When we moved it was misplaced. We found it last year (he's 13) and while it no longer fits, it hangs in a place of honor on his bedpost.

My boy seems pretty straight, although it is to early to say for sure. He certainly dresses quite mainstream, and the flowery vest did not have a lasting impact. I love that he still makes his own choices, somewhat oblivious to peer pressure, at least on a 13 year old scale.


----------



## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I certainly don't care if other people are uncomfortable with the fact that my son has very long beautiful blonde hair.
If he wanted to wear a dress - thats up to him as well!


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I think more boys should wear dresses, so I'm no help.


----------



## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Levi were selling jean skirts for boys - Don't know if they still do though!


----------



## spedteacher30 (Nov 20, 2005)

my son puts dresses on as soon as we get to the children's museum. He has a couple at home, and goes through phases of wearing them a lot or not at all.

I am not sure we would "let" him wear one to school--just because we want him to wear more practical things to school, not "dress-up" clothes. But, he certainly wears them out in public at times.


----------



## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

My only concern would be the negative comments of others giving him the idea that there is something wrong with it. Thus, we discourage my DS from wearing dresses outside. When we was 3 and 4 it was really more of a redirection thing, and I made a point to have lots of fun, flamboyant dress up clothes. But it is probably a phase, and I really doubt your friend is as unaware as you think. She has probably just decided that she doesn't care! More power to her!


----------



## Straggletag (Dec 4, 2009)

If I considered this a gender role thing, I suppose I could work myself up to being the dissenting opinion, because I like my gender roles and make no bones about promoting them with the girls. However, the kid is three, and dresses are practical at that age. When we go anywhere above freezing, I put the girls in dresses purely to facilitate diaper changes. Boys in dresses are traditional in the West, too. In fact, there are plenty in my small town, where tradition dies hard, that remember them

As a point of self-preservation, I pick my small town battles very carefully, and let any quirk that I don't intend to take to the grave concealed, hang out. The sooner they're aware of an eccentricity, the sooner the buzz will die and it will be accepted in the "I can make fun of my neighbor, but I'll pick a fight with Joe Outsider if he does!" way. Family scandal works similarly.


----------



## lovemybubus (Oct 2, 2007)

I have this friend who lets her dd wear pants and sometimes even blue shirts with cars on them or maybe tractors, one time I saw her in a Bob the Builder outfit (in public!)


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovemybubus* 
I have this friend who lets her dd wear pants and sometimes even blue shirts with cars on them or maybe tractors, one time I saw her in a Bob the Builder outfit (in public!)


----------



## Mama Soltera (Dec 13, 2009)

I totally agree with everyone else that it's no one else's concern and I commend that mom for letting her kid express himself.


----------



## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

I'm so not any help either....my son has painted nails (toes and fingers) and his favorite scarf this winter is pink.

Hooray for her to provide such uncunditinal acceptance of his wishes.

Clothes don't make the man...


----------



## mystiquesmom (May 20, 2008)

The only reason I would cringe is if any child(boy or girl) was wearing something like a sundress with nothing else on top in the middle of a snowstorm. As long as it's weather appropriate, I wouldn't mind either way.


----------



## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

I just walked into a snobby, ski supply store with ds3 dressed in bright red christmas dress. I have to say I cringed internally when he chose to take his coat off immediately after entering but it really is the least of the power struggles I choose to enter with him. Although we were treated very badly in the store. Correlation?
I think you should tell your friend that she is the most awesome, amazing mom ever


----------



## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
http://www.utilikilts.com/

oooo, those are sexy!


----------



## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *umami_mommy* 
oooo, those are sexy!

My hubby's been wanting one of those for years!


----------



## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovemybubus* 
I have this friend who lets her dd wear pants and sometimes even blue shirts with cars on them or maybe tractors, one time I saw her in a Bob the Builder outfit (in public!)

LOL, says the mom with two dinosaur & spiderman-obsessed little girls!


----------



## Jenivere (Aug 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovemybubus* 
I have this friend who lets her dd wear pants and sometimes even blue shirts with cars on them or maybe tractors, one time I saw her in a Bob the Builder outfit (in public!)









My almost 8yo wore red nail polish to church with little silver designs painted on them. His aunt was doing all the girls nails so he wanted to join in. His uncles about had a public fit.


----------



## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

First, check out #15 on page 2 of the utilikilts photo section..... OMG, he is painfully good looking.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meco* 
Are you sure she is clueless? Because she might be choosing to ignore irrational, ridiculous judgments and close-mindedness, and let her son feel free to express himself and dress how he wants.

Yep, this. I bet she knows exactly how some people feel but is ignoring it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GuildJenn* 
Time for the town to grow up.

No kidding! What is wrong with some people???









Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovemybubus* 
I have this friend who lets her dd wear pants and sometimes even blue shirts with cars on them or maybe tractors, one time I saw her in a Bob the Builder outfit (in public!)









A GIRL in a TRACTOR SHIRT??? Oh the horror...









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dandelionkid* 
I think you should tell your friend that she is the most awesome, amazing mom ever









Yes, this.

I am proud of the mom for bucking small town, backwards prejudices - and disgusted with the people in town who don't have anything better to get riled up over.


----------



## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

my best friend's beautiful daughter was BOB THE BUILDER 2 years in a row for halloween!!! then she was (GASP) SPIDERMAN for 2 more years. OH the HORROR!! no matter what my friend did, she could not get her to wear a pink anything!! i wonder how uncomfortable she made everyone???? (last year she was a mad scientist)


----------



## Sylith (Apr 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
First, check out #15 on page 2 of the utilikilts photo section..... OMG, he is painfully good looking.

Psst. There is another photo of that same guy on page 4.


----------



## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dandelionkid* 
I just walked into a snobby, ski supply store with ds3 dressed in bright red christmas dress. I have to say I cringed internally when he chose to take his coat off immediately after entering but it really is the least of the power struggles I choose to enter with him. Although we were treated very badly in the store. Correlation?









Don't you just want to tell them that your bright red Christmas dress money spends just as well as the Sears catalog dressed money.

Asshats.


----------



## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sylith* 
Psst. There is another photo of that same guy on page 4.









No time for MDC - must browse utilikilts site...


----------



## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Even though I wouldn't dress my own sons in dresses, I think that people's discomfort with his style of dress is their own issue, not the kid's or his mom's.


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

I agree with most PP's, it's not a big deal, and I wouldn't worry about the town at all. Them being uncomfortable is their problem. Tell your friend that she's an awesome mom.
My boys have worn dresses at occasions too, in public, and tiaras, and nail polish etc.
I don't care what my kids want to wear, as long as it's weather appropriate, boys or girls.


----------



## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RiverSky* 
It is no big deal at all. Probably means nothing, with the regard to the child's orientation, too. I think it's WONDERFUL that your friend lets her son choose what he wears (I'm assuming it's his choice, not hers, right?) . I bow down at her feet for being so loving and accepting!!!! I think it's a fabulous lesson for the town, too. If you can support her in your town, by saying a little something whenever someone expresses their discomfort, I'm sure it would help. Stuff like this can spread around quickly. If you were to say, "Yeah, isn't it cute that he does that? I just love him. He's such a unique kid.", purposefully misinterpreting what the uncomfortable villagers are saying, chances are your comment will be spread, too, and people will agree with you.









This is a great idea. (In fact, I'm visiting relatives for the holidays and I think I'm going to borrow it as often as I can. Really good tip and one I wouldn't have thought up by myself!)


----------

