# How has having a third child added to your family?



## wookie (Dec 12, 2008)

Okay, I thought we were done. We have 2 boys and very happy with our family size. Before DS1 I really wanted a girl. Then after having him I realised, um, boys are fun too  Then with ds2 I would have liked a girl but it wasn't as bad a desire as it was with ds1. I wasn't disappointed when we found out and of course now I can't imagine any other way. both dh and I agreed we were done after 2 kids. However, recently I've begun to think about how a third child would fit into our family. Dh is still not really considering it but he isn't as adamant as before about stopping at 2. At this point, my girl craving is almost nil since I adore my boys so it's not really even "trying for a girl" that's the motive. I just feel like when the kids are older they might appreciate having another sibling to share their life with (yk, the whole the more the merrier argument). we live in a different continent from all our family so the kids will only have each other when they're older. you know, what if, god forbid, they don't get along? at least they'll have another sibling to turn to etc.

Now the conundrum is I'm not one of those people who feel like their family is incomplete so there's no emotional compulsion propelling me toward a third kid. Also, I'm fairly happy to be out of the baby stage (ds2 is 20months). Maybe I'll study some more and get back into my profession again (kinda excited about that). We're both looking forward to travelling with our kids, watching them grow, and just falling into a household-with-older-kids routine. With a baby I'm gonna have to start at the beginning again. Like I said we have no family support so there's no real break from the kids for either of us.

So what I'm asking I guess is what made you take the leap? What has your third child added to your family in terms of sibling interaction? I totally understand that once you have a child you can't imagine life without them so this may be hard, but if you could go back would you regret not having your third? Ah, I'm not sure what I'm asking, maybe it's all just a ramble but it feels nice to get it out...


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

It wasn't a leap for us. We don't use birth control.









However, our third child (and third son) definitely added a great deal to our family. The first year was crazy, and it took a long time for me to find the new normal, but I am so glad for him. He was a *super* easy baby, very happy, and very happy-making, and also he has a personality that just manages to wiggle right into your heart. He was one of those babies where anybody would look at him and just want to *eat him up*.







At the time, we were stressed, dh and I were having issues, I think dh was headed towards depression. Our third son was a very bright light in the middle of all that. He also was the child that had a huge impact on dh as far as how he related to all the kids and parented in general.

Now he's a nutty bonkers 3 year old, and I am still glad we had him.


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## Red Pajama (Jun 11, 2007)

I had twins first, and knew I wan't done when they were still tiny. The boys were almost three when Little Sister was born, and that was perfect timing for our family in terms of spacing. They were old enough to allow me time to tend to her, but they are close enough in age that they play well together.

For me, adding a third was a breeze. I came at it from a different place, in that this time I only had one baby.


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## mom2lucy (Jul 22, 2008)

Great question, I have the exact same thoughts. DD2 is only 8 mo., and I'm sincerely thinking about a third. DH is pretty set on 2 and I thought I was too but I've been thinking about it lately.

looking forward to hearing more experiences.


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## neetling (Jan 24, 2006)

Our 3rd is our only boy and he sure shook things up a ton. He's awesome though and a total mama's snuggler. He's so different from my girls, in ways I never expected. We decided to go ahead and just have our 3rd if we were going to and I got pregnant right away. I was turning 30 and we figured if it happened it happened. Our middle child turned 3 a month after he was born.

Our oldest girls are only 15 months apart, so it was weird to have bigger kids and an infant. I spent some of his crawling and mouthing everything months afraid that he was going to choke on a teeny tiny girly toy.


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## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

We decided to have a third child when our second was 3.5. I thought we were probably done but my husband told me he really wanted another, and the idea grew on me until I really wanted another, too. We have 2 boys, who are now 8 and 5, and now our little girl who is 6 months. I am really happy to have a daughter. She is totally adored by her daddy and big brothers. She brings so much joy to our family and it makes me sad to think of how much we'd be missing if we hadn't decided to have a third child. Adding a third was much easier than adding a second. She fit in perfectly from birth and our lives weren't at all disrupted.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

Our 3rd and now our recent 4th were both totally unplanned  Baby #3 I remember *crying* in my CPM's office with my barely 14 mo I think DD nursing in my lap when the news was confirmed.

He is now 2 and he is a funny, fabulous addition! He was an *extremely* easygoing baby. He quite literally NEVER cried, I could carry him around and quickly grab a snack, a drink, whatever even if he'd been handed to me fussing, he would stop the minute he got to me :lol The kids loved him, they still do, and now he's a mile-a-minute jabberbox and fits right in with them.

Baby #4 is another boy, 7 weeks old, also a very easygoing baby.  DS2 was 16 months when I found out.

Kids are spaced 2 years 3 months between DS1 and DD, 21 months 3 weeks between DD and DS2, and 24 months and 20 days between ds2 and ds3.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

Our third was unplanned. What has he added to the family? More love. We have increased the love in our family by 40%. Bear with me.

When we had our first baby, the love in our family tripled (started out with only the love relationship between dh and I, then multiplied to include love between dh and dd, and me and dd)

When we had our second baby, we doubled the love again( added to our previous 3 relationships the relationships between dh and ds, dd and ds, and me and ds - six loving relationships in our family now)

When we had our third baby, we added the relationship between dh and ds2, dd and ds2, ds1 and ds2, and myself and ds2. Ten loving relationships now.

If not for our third child, I would never have seen my ds1 as an older brother (he is sooo sweet) , would never have seen how my oldest child took such loving and responsible care of her youngest sibling- I see in her now something of the mother she will be someday. I would never have seen my dh parenting a little guy so different from his first son, would never myself have known the joy that is ds2.

Our lives are richer for our third child. We are pushing the envelope as far as the resources of time and money to care for our children as it is, so we will not have a fourth, though. We will not be traveling with our children, for example, till dd is in high school. To me - how can one not want another child? The issue is - does a family have the resources to do so. But I'd never trade my youngest for the lifestyle we could have had. What mother of three would?


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## wookie (Dec 12, 2008)

Thank you all for your replies. I've been thinking and thinking and sometimes swing one way sometimes another. If I'm absolutely honest though the idea of having a newborn again fills me with dread. Although everything was easy with ds2 (he nursed well, slept as well as can be expected, not fussy etc) I'm not a big fan of that stage. At the same time never holding another sweet, cuddly newborn is a sad picture too.

All said, and read, I think this thread's helped me hash out my own thoughts.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I had #3 because there was no way I could not have another child, the desire was there as much as with my first two. Now I was on the fence with #4, decided to go for it and I am pg with that one. 3 children has been rougher then 2, 2 was more simple. The transition wasn't bad at all, but it is just so much more children always needing something, more mess, more cooking, etc... The first year was actually very easy but now that he is 21 months and into everything but no reasoning skills (he is delayed) I am like OMG, and I'm doing this again!







I had two girls and then the 3rd was boy, and honestly the switch from one gender to another was harder then I thought it would be.


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## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

We also have three without any family close by and it is going fine. I am looking forward to being out of baby-stage on one hand, but also I try to enjoy it as much as possible (she is 8 months now) while I am still in it. For me 3 feels good because there are many more variation in relations compared to having 2 kids, just like Aubergine said. I grew up with 3 siblings, 2 kids just seems too 'simple' to me. I have a very different (but good) relation with each of my siblings, it would be so much less interesting (to me) to have just 1 sibling. 4 kids is out of our resource range unfortunately, also I am almost 40 ;-)

Carma


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