# twin loss in utero



## roxie (Sep 29, 2006)

I lost my little girl at 18 wks 4 wks ago tonight. I feel so guilty. I am pregnant with twins--a boy and a girl. The girl passed 4 wks ago tonight. I had a PUBS 4 weeks ago today--it was difficult and my MFM never got a good sample to even send. My little girl had profound bradycardia after the procedure, but her heart rate came back up and she had good fill in her heart after the procedure. My MFM put me in the hospital overnight--then next morning, the US showed no heart beat. My dh wasn't even there--he had decided not to spend the night at the hospital with me.

The reason I feel guilty... this was an IVF pregnancy--we had been trying for quite some time and finally we got pregnant. At 10 wks, the little girl showed a cystic hygroma--I had a CVS--showed 2 boys, but one with XX and XY chromosomes. We thought this was contamination--had an amnio on baby B, the girl, only and it showed a mosaic of XX and XXY chromosomes. This puzzled all of us--this has never been reported in the literature. I was offered the PUBS to get a definite answer--I wanted to know what to expect when they were born. I wanted the PUBS. If I hadn't wanted to know for sure, she would still be alive.

I can't get over the fact that I feel responsible for her death.
What make it worse is that I work on a Labor and Delivery unit and am exposed to pregnant women giving birth every day.
I am sick of people saying "...at least you still have one." Like the one beating heart is supposed to make up for my loss. My loss of having twins, My loss of my little girl.

I am worried that my profound grief is hurting my little boy. I feel as though I am in a daze. I put up a wall at work to get through the days. I find myself sometimes saying that both babies are fine to avoid having to say that my little girl has died.

I just needed to post this to get it off my chest


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss and the grief that you are going through. May I suggest you come over to the pregnancy after loss (PALS) forum. You might find great support there and you are still pregnant after a loss. Hang in there mama. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=514480


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I am sorry for your loss.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

I am so sorry, mama.

People think they are telling you something you might not already realize . . . "be glad you have a child" . . . . Really? Are you kidding???

Here you will find understanding, and hopefully peace.

So sorry.


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## brookelynnp (Jan 1, 2002)

I am so sory for your sad loss. Do try not to blame yourself. I wish for you some peace. MY thoughts are with you and please do not listen to the silly things people say. Mourn your loss, maybe you can have a private ritual for your daughter,just a way to say goodbye an honor her life.


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## roxie (Sep 29, 2006)

Last night I was finally able to get together with my friends. It was a birthday party for one of the girls. It has been almost 5 weeks since my little girl passed. Her brother is moving some inside me know. I have been avoiding people because that is the way I deal with the loss. I need to be alone. My dh was out of town, so I went alone. One of my friend's little girl who is 4 came up to me and said "did your little girl die? is your little boy still alive?" She is so innocent, and didn't know better. But it still hurts.

This weekend we went to D.C and met up with a couple that we know. She said the famous "everything happens for a reason." I hate that saying. What reason? This is why I have been avoiding getting together with people. They said the most hurtful things, but don't mean it. I wish people would just say "I am so sorry for the loss" and leave it at that.

I am 23 weeks now, but it doesn't make the loss that happened at 18 wks any easier.

Sorry for the rant, I just had to get this out.


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## napua (Feb 1, 2006)

I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. I too hated hearing that everything happens for a reason. I lost one of my twins and I cannot tell you how often I think of my baby that should be here but isn't. I am so in love with my son and it isn't that I am not grateful for him but I can't help but wonder if his twin would be like him. I don't know if the baby was a boy or girl and it hurts me so much. Oct 31 will make it one year since I lost the baby and I still think about that everyday. Don't allow other people to make you feel as though you can't grieve your lost daughter. You will find the best way for you to deal with this. I wish you peace.


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## Kaitnbugsmom (Dec 4, 2003)

just chiming in with hugs and prayers. we lost the twin {boy, we believe} to our now 14 month old and I got the same comments. The 'well at least you still have one' and that sort hurt the worst. I hope you find the peace and comfort you deserve mama..


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss....


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## Mama8 (Mar 6, 2006)

I am sorry that one of your babies died. It hurt me a lot when people would tell me to focus on the one still alive and be grateful I had at least one left.
You are so right that the life of one does not cancel out the death of the other. I have had a set of twins and a set of triplets and have one living dd from each set. You have every right to grieve the baby you have lost. You made the best decision you could at the time with the information you had. Hugs to you mama.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

Oh that's so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss mama. You must be hurting so badly.







Sending you







and prayers for healing for your family. I hope the remainder of your pg goes well. Grieve as much as you need to. I'm sorry people are so hurtful. They just don't understand, but that doesn't make it ok to say mean things. My brother lost his twin around 12 weeks. We didn't even know there were two babies. It was so sad at the birth to discover that one was dead. My brother loves to go to the cemetary and visit his brother. He loves the fact that his brother is in heaven waiting for him and watching out for him. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## napua (Feb 1, 2006)

Just thinking about you Mama. I hope you are doing as well as possible.


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