# My stillborn Daughter



## Tiffani Mari (Apr 23, 2006)

I just had my stillborn daughter on April 08. It was 2 days after my due date that I noticed she wasn't moving thinking she just didnt have enough space I went to the hospital but when they tried to find her heart beat with the monitors they couldnt. Never in a million years did I think she was dead! I was full term and I had to deliver my dead daughter vaginally she came out weighing 8 pounds 9 ounces looking healthier than some of the babies in the nursery! And the worst part about it is NO DOCTOR CAN TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DAUGHTER!!!!! I dont even know if I should get pregnant again what if happens again I couldn't take it!!!!!

Is any one else going through something similar?


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## Em'sMummy (Oct 26, 2005)

My Dearest Tiffani Mari,

Oh how I feel your pain. I am so so sorry about your loss.



































Words cannot express the sadness and the pain that you are going through right now and will continue to go through.
I too had a stillborn daughter in July last year at full term. A beautiful daughter Emily Jade she was as healthy as can be. She weighed in at 7 pounds, 7 inches and delivered vaginally as well, with no pain killers as I was unable to have them due to a condition they thought I had. I am one of the so called luckier ones that had a cause - Obstetric Cholestasis a liver condition. My precious Emily was fine the day before in the Ob's office and my water broke 24 hours later and when I went into the hospital there was no heartbeat and she was gone. But that is enough about me.
As many dear Mamas on this site have told me and now I know it to be true - it is one step forwards and two steps back. Although it doesn't seem it now it does get easier - easier to breathe, you don't for a second forget and you relive it daily and oh all the why, why, whys? Why us and not them, why didn't I do this or do that???. Do not beat yourself up the whys will always be there and as much as people say you will get through this, yes it gets easier but you will always be going 'through it'. You will never forget and you shouldn't either. You have a beautiful baby girl who now is a most precious guardian angel to you and your family. She will be with you forever and the memories will be too, but as I said the days get better the crying isn't as much anymore. I have my weeks where I will cry nearly every day in the shower to myself thinking of the could have beens... and then I have my days where I might go without a cry. They are few and far between I might add and then you get the guilts about why you didn't cry. Oh the pain it will be so raw for you right now and oh how I want to reach out to you and give you the biggest hug and take your hand and help you through this sad sad journey. Noone should have to go through this pain yet there are so many Mamas that do.
Writing this has shown me just how far I have come since losing my precious firstborn beautiful Emily, you to will have the support of all the fine Mamas here. Please post when you can and feel that support. I found that noone really understood not even my husband and coming here is a place of total support and understanding and I have made so many friends, friends that I would not have met if it wasn't for my precious Emily.
As for trying again. Well we started trying about three months after losing Emily and are still on that journey seven months later. You need to feel right about trying. The ups and downs of not falling are like grieving all over again yet it gives me hope to have a baby brother or sister for Emily. I never at any stage wanted to replace her but to have a baby in my arms to bring home and share our love with them that was the reason for having Emily and that hasn't changed.

I hope I have been of some help and not upset your grieving in any way. Please at anytime post me either here or personally. I live in Australia so I may have time differences but I do check in regularly and if I can be of any help or try to answer some of your questions please don't hesitate to post me.


































































I am thinking of you and sending all my strength to you at this sad time.

Love Prue


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss.








s


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

Tiffani you are not alone. I too delivered a healthy full term baby that had died in utero. There was not reason, no cause. I know your pain.
Please click on my user name & look back at my posts last june, and you will find our story.
I hope you find some peace, through all the madness. Keep posting on MDC.
I am so sorry you know this pain.


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Tiffani,
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. My 3rd daughter was stillborn in October. Medically we know that her cord was wrapped around her neck several times but I know that I will never understand the "why?" of it all. A friend of mine IRL had a very similar situation to yours where her daughter died several days after her due date with unexplicable reasons and went on to have 2 more healthy children. As for whether you decide to become pregnant again, it is a very personal decision. Everything is so fresh and new right now, you probably are feeling a whole range of emotions. I am so sorry for your pain. I hope this forum and the mamas here can be helpful to you and that you are finding some peace.


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

edit

*moved to your other thread*


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## nonniecita (Jul 23, 2005)

Just wanted to say how sorry I am








Michelle


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## Mearaina (May 3, 2005)

I am so sorry, mama.


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## butterfly_mom (Sep 8, 2005)

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It hurts me to know that another mama has felt the same pain we all have. My daughter, Bailee Elise, was stillborn 27 August 2005. The doctors know i had chorioamnionitis and a blood clotting disorder that isn't as serious as Factor V but still needs to be treated with every pregnancy. They just dont know what came first. I am pregnant now and due in July. For me, to help me heal, I needed to have that baby in my arms. I always asked why, why, why when it all happened. But for me, it wasn't my place to know why. I just know with what happened, my life has changed for the best but unfortunately i dont have my daughter with me. I miss her soo much and it hurts. Over time the pain will recede, but you never can forget your child. Hugs to you....

-lyz


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## Adensmommy (Mar 14, 2006)

I am so sorry mama.


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## Tiffani Mari (Apr 23, 2006)

Thank you for showing your support. I am sorry to know you also have been through this I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy! I will pray for your daughter you lost praying that she is singing happily with my daughter and I will pray for the blessing that will come for you in July!!!!!

Hugs and Prayers, Tiffani the mother of Milani'


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## UrbanEarthMom (Jul 20, 2004)

I am so sorry, that is such a terrible tragedy.


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## jaime302 (May 4, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## mamapajama (Feb 9, 2003)

I'm so sorry Tiffani


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## Bonawich (Jul 1, 2004)




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## StrongSingleMama (Jul 18, 2005)

I am sooo sorry sweetie...


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## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

....


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## Nkenga (Dec 11, 2005)

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am to hear of your daughter's death. My son was also born still, at 38.5 weeks, and was completely healthy at 7 pounds 9 ounces. They know why he died - I had a complete placenta abruption - but no one knows why I had the abruption itself. And what's more frustrating is, I'm lucky - they know what happened to my son. I know several women who have had stllbirths who have no idea why it happened.

You never forget, and it never gets "easier" to bear, and you never forget - nor would you want to. She is as much you daughter as any other child you may have now or in the future.

What is her name?


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## Azucena (May 26, 2006)

I have a stillborn on July 17, 2005 two days over due, just like you. After Ian died we feel like trying for another baby as soon as possible, I become pregnant 5 months after and everything is doing good so far, I am 25 weeks right now, I am a little scare, but everytime my baby moves my heart gets crazy of happiness. My due date is September 10, but I am having a c-section a couple weeks earlier just to prevent any complications. My beautiful angel Ian is taking care of his brother/sister. God bless you all.


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## ollineeba (Apr 12, 2005)

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. You're in my thoughts.


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