# My beautiful baby (17 weeks) was born this morning. Birth story.



## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Mostly x-posted from the May DDC.

You can read my original threads on the loss board here-

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=801677

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=801688

We just got back from the hospital.

I gave birth to our beautiful, perfect, tiny baby boy this morning at 8:35. His name is Siodhachan (pronounced SHEE-an, meaning little peaceful one) Silas. I have found several meanings for Silas but we chose it for the meaning "to borrow."

The whole process was fast. Started cytotec in my cervix at 6 last night and he came out easily at 8:35am. The pain was no worse than mild cramping for me and even that was off and on. Since I had no cramping during the morning they figured it would still be a while before things would pick up. My water broke at 4am and I was hardly dilated yet. I slept from 7-8 and woke up for my midwife to put in another dose of the cytotec and examine, but I wanted to pee first. I passed and few clots in the toilet and felt something larger slide down, I squeezed up my muscles because I just had a feeling it was the baby and not another clot, and waddled back to bed where he came just moments later. I didn't watch as I delivered as I wanted them to look at him over first to know what to expect, as they thought he might be fragile and tear and wanted me to me aware of that, but he was not.

And then they took the baby, cleaned him, dressed him and brought him back to us.

Anyway, the baby. He was a little over 5 inches long and 1.5 ounces. He was so perfect, and he was in really good condition considering. We got to spend quite a while with him, holding him and taking pictures. Touching his little fingers and toes, and his little nose and lips







They put the sweetest tiny robe on him, and a tiny little wool hat. And a little knit blanket. All of these things made by women who have suffered losses.

I was afraid to see him and especially to touch him, but it was so incredibly healing for us. He really was amazing. He looked so peaceful.

All in all, of course with the exception of not getting to bring our baby home, the labor and delivery was perfect. I could not have asked for a better experience and more supportive people around, and I am so thankful for that. Everyone was so wonderful and caring, they cried with me and not once did it seem like a medical thing, business as usual, you know? It made all the difference. Instead of being a sorrowful event it was healing and just what I needed.

I journaled throughout the entire process, from finding out the baby had passed until now. We got a lovely homemade keepsake box with Siodhachan's birth certificate, complete with the perfect footprints that they were able to get! (the boy had some big feet







The outfit he wore, a teddy bear that he had pictures taken with, and some other gifts.

The hospital is also paying for his cremation as well as whatever we want for his ashes. We can choose jewelry to put them in, or keychains, an urn, and other things.

I feel fine physically; No pain and the bleeding has tapered off a lot. Luckily my midwife was also able to "clean me out" without d&c, and the placenta was all intact thank goddess, so no problems there.

Mentally I am in a good place, surprisingly. I know the pain will last a while, and there will be ups and downs, good days and bad days, but I feel at peace with this.

Well, I think that is mostly it. I just wanted to get this all typed up before I pass out, I am so tired. Going to try and get some much needed rest soon.

Thank you all fot the support in the other 2 threads


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## Organicavocado (Mar 15, 2006)

Im sorry you had to go through it at all, but I'm glad it was a "pleasant" experience, at least.

-hugs and love- Thank you so much for sharing.


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

mama-I have no words. I am sitting here crying for you.







s


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## chels_c2000 (Jul 29, 2007)

I am so sorry for loss! That is a beautiful birth story. I will be praying for you during this time.


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## aswbarry (Jan 31, 2005)

Mama. It sounds like you had a beautiful goodbye. I know that there is nothing I can say. Peace to you.

Angela


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I am so, so sorry.









I'm glad you were able to hug, hold and kiss your little boy. It is scary not knowing what to expect, but once he is gone from your arms that time will mean so much to you. And those pictures will be treasured as well. They will mean the world to you.

The grief process is hard from here on out and I wish you much strength and peace.


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## Icequeen_in_ak (Mar 6, 2004)

a million hugs to you.

I'm very glad you were able to hold him and spend time with your precious boy.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

I will be praying for you and your sweet boy. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.


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## DreamWeaver (May 28, 2002)

Thank you for sharing your story. His name is so beautiful and I am so glad you got to hold him and that the delivery was so smooth.
Wishing you peace and strength.


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## dimibella (Feb 5, 2007)

, and prayers for you.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

I am glad you got to see your baby. Lots of healing prayers.


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

A beautiful story about a beautiful little boy. It sounds like you were surrounded by wonderful people. Wishing you much love and healing.


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## joshs_girl (Dec 8, 2006)

Welcome (however briefly) to the world Siodhachan


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## SquibsNCrackers (Oct 21, 2005)

Siodhachan Silas






















mama ... thank you for sharing his beautiful birth story.


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## Phantaja (Oct 10, 2006)

Siodhachan. Sending you prayers for continuing peace.


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## C&K'sMom (Dec 3, 2007)

I'm sorry for your loss. I think your experience and being able to have closure really helps. I'm a L&D nurse and hearing your stories allows me to understand your perspective. I just started training and I will share your experience with other nurses. I think having an experience like yours really helps with your loss.

Tiff


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## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

I was thinking of you this weekend, I am so sad that things trend out like they did, but also happy for you that everything finished the way that it did. I feel wretched that my baby was lost but blessed (if that is the right sentiment) that my body was able to take care of things on its own.


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## cyrusmama (Oct 17, 2004)

s I am glad you got to spend time with your son.


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