# My 10 yr old son got picked to play a girl part in a school play and isn't happy - what should I do?



## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

Hi! My first time post looking for some advice.

My 10 yr old son has been given a girls part in a school play because they had one too many boys to fill the boys roles and there were still a couple of important girl roles to fill. He is a bit upset about being the only boy singled out like this. Any suggestions on how to support him and do you think I should talk to the teacher and see if she can change things around a bit?

Thx,
Chelsea


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

I really don't know what I'd do.... He won't appreciate tales of Sandy Duncan playing a boy (Peter Pan), and he's probably too young to see that movie with Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo playing trannies. But I wonder if there are other, more suitable examples of men playing women/women playing men in positive roles that you could use to show him that a good actor can play ANY character, regardless of gender. (Did he play a different animal in an earlier production? Maybe that would help: "You played a reindeer in the Christmas play, and you're not a reindeer! And look how great you were!")

Sorry... Mine's not even 2 yet, and I'm NOT equipped for a 10-year-old boy!

As for talking to the teacher, I don't know if I'd ask her to change things around unless there's another boy in class she thinks would be willing to trade. But maybe talk to her and let her know he's uncomfortable, so she can help tone down any opportunities for teasing or occasions for him to feel embarrassed.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Aww, I'd tell my son he didn't have to do anything he wasn't comfortable with. I think the teacher should have talked to him about it first, especially since he'd be the only boy playing a girl's role.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

What do you mean by "girl's part" and "boy's part"? Are we talking he'll have to wear a dress? Or are they being animals and it's possible that the teacher is going to adapt the script to have the animal end up being male?


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

IMO theater is about 'acting'. A good actor can play any part they are given, male female animal veggie mineral etc....This is a wonderful opportunity to learn its about having fun. its not the clothes you wear, the part you play, the lines you recite, its enjoying what you do...

I wouldnt approach the teacher about it...Let you DS go and encourage him to have a great time.


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

How about talking with him about how in Shakespeare's time, women never acted at all? All female roles were filled by men. I think it's an opportunity to learn about an aspect of theater history. Also, the role of Peter Pan was commonly played by a girl (Mary Martin, anyone?). There have been lots of men playing women and women playing men in theater history! How about showing him "Grease" and then showing him the remake of "HairSpray" and pointing out John Travolta?

If you don't think any of this will fly, is it possible that the girl's role can be turned into a boy's role? How critical is it that the character be a girl? Sometimes it's important, sometimes it isn't at all.

If he's worried about how playing the part of a girl will have other people see _him_, maybe try to remind him that this is acting? Acting isn't real. Many actors play roles that have nothing (or little) to do with their real lives, but they draw from their real lives to flesh out the characters. A few episodes of 'Inside the Actor's Studio" with some actors or actresses he likes may help him understand this, though I admit the show could be tedious and boring for a 10 year old.

And it may be worth mentioning to the teacher that he has concerns about this. You never know --- she may have some ideas already cooking about how to work with this.

I wish him luck, and I hope he stays in the play despite his current doubts! Theater can be a lot of fun!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I would encourage him to talk to the teacher and find out if she plans to "masculinze" the role, or if she intends for him to "cross dress" like a Shakespearian actor. If it's the latter, he has a choice between "being an actor and doing the role" or quitting the play.

I'd also try to find examples of men playing women for the sake of theater roles, as others have suggested.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood* 
Aww, I'd tell my son he didn't have to do anything he wasn't comfortable with. I think the teacher should have talked to him about it first, especially since he'd be the only boy playing a girl's role.









I would tell him he didnt have to do it.


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## Kismet_fw (Aug 7, 2009)

He's only 10, I'd say if he doesn't want to play a female role, I wouldn't make him. Maybe he'd prefer to be crew and change sets and set dressing?


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## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JL83* 
What do you mean by "girl's part" and "boy's part"? Are we talking he'll have to wear a dress? Or are they being animals and it's possible that the teacher is going to adapt the script to have the animal end up being male?

I was just looking for the name of the play again. It is called Happily Never After.

Quote:

The course of true love never runs smoothly. Consequently a marriage counselor has opened an office in the kingdom to see how famous fairy tale couples are faring. Everywhere the counselor looks-- disaster! Sleeping Beauty will do nothing but nap; the Frog Prince refuses to give up his amphibian ways; and nothing will pry Cinderella away from her beloved cinders. Naturally, the spouses are complaining, and there is no choice but to rewrite the endings of the famous stories. Everyone is run through the computer for new matches. While the results are not exactly pleasing to the newlyweds, (Prince Charming ends up with Cinderella's stepmother, for example), they're hilarious to the audience. Finally, even the counselor himself admits he needs help! The comedy is for all groups, and can be played as a farcical romp or as a wry commentary on human nature.
It has a cast of 11, 4 boys and 7 girls. She has given him the part of someone called the Pond Princess who is apparently a bit of a grumpy and fiery girl. I don't know yet exactly what the costume is meant to look like but he said it is supposed to be princess-y.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1growingsprout* 
IMO theater is about 'acting'. A good actor can play any part they are given, male female animal veggie mineral etc....This is a wonderful opportunity to learn its about having fun. its not the clothes you wear, the part you play, the lines you recite, its enjoying what you do...

I wouldnt approach the teacher about it...Let you DS go and encourage him to have a great time.

The thing is...he's not a "Good actor", he's not even an actor at all. He's a 10 year old boy and we all know how big a deal things can be with peers etc. at that age. I think it was an over sight by the teacher to single him out like that w/o talking to him about it first.

If I'm understanding correctly the little boy doesn't want to go. So it wouldn't be letting him, it would be making him.


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## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

I don't quite know how he got picked for the girl part ahead of the other boys. I should check that with her probably. I mean did she just pick him for some reason or did she do a draw out of a hat. I like the suggestion of asking the other boys if anyone wants to do it, but I don't hold out much breath for takers on that


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

That was pretty insensitive of the teacher. I bet he's disappointed too.

I don't think I would make him do it if he didn't want to. I'd be really sad for him too. Some boys can do this and pull it off wihtout being teased... maybe the teacher thinks He's that boy... but, he obviously doesn't feel that way.

This isn't an easy age for this type of thing. In high school, it'd get a lot of laughs, but in fifth grade, that's really hard.


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## ProtoLawyer (Apr 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CeeKer* 
I was just looking for the name of the play again. It is called Happily Never After.

It has a cast of 11, 4 boys and 7 girls. She has given him the part of someone called the Pond Princess who is apparently a bit of a grumpy and fiery girl. I don't know yet exactly what the costume is meant to look like but he said it is supposed to be princess-y.

How gender-dependent is the Pond Princess? Could it become the Pond Prince without messing up the plot?

When I was 12 or so, I was cast to play an originally male part--"Paw" became "Grandmaw," a few pronouns were changed, and that was the end of it. I had a lot of fun.

If your son is uncomfortable, I'd talk to the teacher and find out if the part could be masculinized. If not, I'd pull him.


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## Kismet_fw (Aug 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood* 
So it wouldn't be letting him, it would be making him.

That's it in a nutshell. I wouldn't force this down ANY boy's throat, let alone one that's still got so much to do building his self-identity.

There was a young man in my school-district who's mother was the mayor, and father was a cross-dresser. Father decided the boy should go to school in women's clothing - I think if his mother had been anyone else, teachers would've called CPS, it was that rough on him. He would stop in at different friends' houses and change before getting to the school, he knew it would be trouble when he was found out, but it was that important to him.

Talk to the teacher, give him the option of a crew job if that's what it takes (a good set build or set-dressing can turn an average grade-school play into a special one.)


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## baltic_ballet (May 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
I would encourage him to talk to the teacher and find out if she plans to "masculinze" the role, or if she intends for him to "cross dress" like a Shakespearian actor.











If it doesn't change the storyline too much the teacher might be willing to turn the _pond princess_ into a _pond prince._

If the play requires your ds to play a female, I would give him the choice on whether or not to continue with the play.


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## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

WOW I am so annoyed!!!! And that is the nicest word I can use (insert bad words if you wish).

I just did a search on this play and found some pages on the Google books thing. The Pond Princess is MARRIED to a male character called Frog and is later supposed to get married to another character called Prince Ling from what I can tell (most pages are not in the Google books thing). WTF? This is for 10 year olds?


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I think the teacher should have selected a different play, one that was less gender-dependent. Or, if she really wants to do this one, maybe mix up the genders of several of the characters, not just his?

This play is REALLY dependent on "couples"- except for the marriage therapist character. I suppose it would work if the "Pond Princess" gets turned into a gay "Pond Prince" (and thus the Pond Princess's DH is also gay). Is that something that your DS (and the boy playing his DH) would be comfortable with? Or would that be "just as bad" in his mind?

Is there no way to rewrite the play, get rid of one of the couples and have two boys play the offspring of other couples?


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
I suppose it would work if the "Pond Princess" gets turned into a gay "Pond Prince" (and thus the Pond Princess's DH is also gay). Is that something that your DS (and the boy playing his DH) would be comfortable with? Or would that be "just as bad" in his mind?









*flips on the news waiting for _that_ story to hit the headlines*


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## noinstructions (Sep 27, 2009)

and for my first post, ever
I'm thinking: Monty Python!

But really, I feel he has the right to refuse the part.

Oh, and playing a female part may open him up to ridicule from his peers.


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## Oztok5 (Mar 25, 2008)

I think the teacher expecting a 10 year old boy to embrace a role with the word princess in the title without prior discussion and explanation is asking a whole lot.

If she was going to change the role to the "Pond Prince" it should have been done before the cast list was given out. That's how I've always seen it done, _especially when the kids are at a sensitive age._

There are boys/young men who naturally have the personality to allow them to fully embrace a female role, and do wonderful things with it, without worrying about being teased, but I can't imagine that it's at all common at 10 years old. Since your son is uncomfortable, I'm guessing it will be difficult for him to enjoy this activity, and I'm thinking that's probably much of the point of participating. If he's not comfortable with what the teacher is planning as far as altering the part goes, I would see if he could participate in some other way (ie stage or technical crew).


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## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
I suppose it would work if the "Pond Princess" gets turned into a gay "Pond Prince" (and thus the Pond Princess's DH is also gay). Is that something that your DS (and the boy playing his DH) would be comfortable with? Or would that be "just as bad" in his mind?

Comfortable with? Are you serious?


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## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

I am beginning to wonder if this is an agenda driven teacher at play on the play.


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## Oztok5 (Mar 25, 2008)

Ok, I just read your update about some of the plot of the play. It has now crossed the line into, "absolutely ridiculous to ask of a 10 year old boy."

Professional actor? Sure, it will be a challenge.

10 year old? Nightmare.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CeeKer* 
Comfortable with? Are you serious?

I'm just pointing out that "masculinizing the role" in this specific case isn't exactly a solution most 10yos would be happy with.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

I would talk to the teacher. It really is pretty unreasonable to single him out like that, especially at 10 yo. It's a very difficult and awkward age socially.

If she had picked a play with all female characters, and given all the boys female parts, then they could have done it together and hammed it up and had fun, but one boy alone, is stigmatizing. Considering that you said there were several girl parts left still, I would think she could have given the student each 2 roles to play, so there wouldn't be any gaps and all the boys had at least one girl role.

Frankly though, I think she should have picked a play with a more even balance of characters.


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## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
I'm just pointing out that "masculinizing the role" in this specific case isn't exactly a solution most 10yos would be happy with.

I sort of see what you mean now. I thought the same thing when I read your post - that out of the two I'd sooner him be a princess than two princes and deal with that whole issue. But since it's HIM inside the character I am not sure if there is that much distinction. I wonder what the frog actor is thinking too.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CeeKer* 
WOW I am so annoyed!!!! And that is the nicest word I can use (insert bad words if you wish).

I just did a search on this play and found some pages on the Google books thing. The Pond Princess is MARRIED to a male character called Frog and is later supposed to get married to another character called Prince Ling from what I can tell (most pages are not in the Google books thing). WTF? This is for 10 year olds?

10 year olds don't know about marriage?

I would strongly encourage the kid to play the part, for several reasons.
It's good to move out of our comfort zones and challenge ourselves. It's bad to see girls' roles as somehow inferior. It's good to learn to deal gracefully with peer teasing.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I agree the teacher should mix up the roles and have some boys play girl parts, and some girls play boy parts. I think it's odd to pick just one child to play a very gender-identified roll like a princess. I don't know that I'd even want my girl playing a princess, for that matter, depending on what the princess was like.

I will say that a children's theater production of Happily Never After might be different from a full length theater production meant to be acted by adults. So the marriage part may really be downplayed, and the role might not seem that gender specific to the teacher. But I don't know if Happily Never After has different adaptations or not.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CeeKer* 
I was just looking for the name of the play again. It is called Happily Never After.

It has a cast of 11, 4 boys and 7 girls. She has given him the part of someone called the Pond Princess who is apparently a bit of a grumpy and fiery girl. I don't know yet exactly what the costume is meant to look like but he said it is supposed to be princess-y.


I played the part of Dr. Einstein in "Arsenic and Old Lace" in high school. We simply made the role a female.

However, I was almost 15 years old and wanted to act. I would not have appreciated such a role when I was 10.

I would not make him do it, unless he specifically wanted to do it.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Honestly, I think the whole play is inappropriate for 10 year olds. Marriage counseling? Prince Charming ending up with the stepmother instead of Cinderella? At 10 years old? I didn't *think* I was a fuddy duddy, but maybe I am.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
10 year olds don't know about marriage?

I would strongly encourage the kid to play the part, for several reasons.
It's good to move out of our comfort zones and challenge ourselves. It's bad to see girls' roles as somehow inferior. It's good to learn to deal gracefully with peer teasing.


I don't think it has to do with girl's roles being inferior.

I think that in _*this*_ case, a boy wants to play a boy. There is nothing wrong with wanting to play a role that is like you.

Kids can be really cruel. I was tortured for 7 years in a school and still have some self-esteem issues because of it, and I am nearly 42.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
Honestly, I think the whole play is inappropriate for 10 year olds. Marriage counseling? Prince Charming ending up with the stepmother instead of Cinderella? At 10 years old? I didn't *think* I was a fuddy duddy, but maybe I am.


Yeah, that does seem kind of "out there" for such young kids.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oztok5* 
Ok, I just read your update about some of the plot of the play. It has now crossed the line into, "absolutely ridiculous to ask of a 10 year old boy."

Professional actor? Sure, it will be a challenge.

10 year old? Nightmare.

























Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
Honestly, I think the whole play is inappropriate for 10 year olds. Marriage counseling? Prince Charming ending up with the stepmother instead of Cinderella? At 10 years old? I didn't *think* I was a fuddy duddy, but maybe I am.

Agreed! At that age we were doing plays about the weather systems. I was a cloud.


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

If this were a play for something like middle school or older I'd encourage him to go ahead and play the role, using Shakespearean and early Greek actors as an example. However, at 10 most children aren't old enough to fully grasp and understand the nuances of "acting". Even if the boy in question does have a thorough understanding of the differences between acting, etc. it's unlikely that his peers do as well. This is really setting your son up for ridicule and just a miserable time.

I'd first encourage my son to talk to the teacher himself, and explain that he's not happy with playing a princess and that he feels singled out. If that gets him nowhere, then I would most certainly talk to the instructor as well. Is this a class play or is this an optional/after school thing? If my son were adamantely opposed to it, there's no way I'd make him do it - especially at 10 yrs old. And I'm not too sure that most elementary kids are mature enough to grasp the whole concept of unhappy marriage/mixing it up thing either. Hmm.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

As someone who was damaged by peer teasing there is no way in this world or the next I would encourage him to do this.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I have a 10 YO DS. The kids in his school have already made "gay" and "***" into teasing/bullying/curse type words. This is wrong, of course. But it is also par for the course of this age group. Asking a boy to play a girls part is probably going to end up up with endless teasing from his peers, which isn't fair to him and is really insensitive of the teacher to even suggest, IMHO.

Adding a gay couple to a school play would probably start a political battle, even here in liberal LaLa Land. Not somewhere I would want to go. Well, I would, but I'm more than a bit of a rabble-rouser that way.

I would encourage your child to speak to the teacher about the issue. If he isn't comfortable on his own, offer to go with and support him. You want to give him the tools to deal with this on his own if possible, but be there for him if necessary. The teacher really needs to re-evaluate how she is handling this.


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## learn2fly (Sep 30, 2009)

It could have been a poor choice in terms of play selection driven by wanting to do something "different" or it could be very deliberate and intended to create discussion points in class based around marriage issues and, yes, perhaps even gender. At that age there is a chance some of those children have already faced divorce and this may be intended to introduce ideas of marriage guidance and what being happily married means in a sort of indirect way. It's hard to say, but it's possible that the selection of a boy for a girl part was intended to create discussions of gender. It would be interesting to know what the other roles in the play are. Are the girl roles all "princessy" or could the boy have been given a less "princessy" role? Is there another girl role that has not been filled yet? Lot's of questions and perhaps you should talk this through with the teacher.

The issue of whether it is a required play or not could be important to know here. It could affect what options you have. Mandatory could severely limit them if the teacher does have an agenda.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

I'm sorry, but I think that's crazy. No way would I force my son to do that. And even if he wanted to, I would still be talking to the teacher and the principal--from what PPs have written, I think the play itself is inappropriate for grade level, and I can't believe a teacher thinks asking a 10 yr old boy to play a married princess is a realistic or sensible solution to his/her poor planning--did s/he not know how many kids she had of each gender beforehand? Crazy!

I used to be a teacher and can't imagine the amount of teasing something like that would engender.









ETA I don't think you can compare it to a high school acting class experience. For one thing, a 10 yr old will most likely feel more pressure to please the teacher, exactly why he's gone to mom in the first place--he's unhappy with the situation but unable/unsure of how to assert himself.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oztok5* 
I think the teacher expecting a 10 year old boy to embrace a role with the word princess in the title without prior discussion and explanation is asking a whole lot.









:

I think an older child, if he _wanted_ to, could take this as a great opportunity to build confidence and be an example for others. But if a 10 year old boy doesn't want to be a princess in the school play while _all_ of his peers play gender-matched roles, I don't think he should have to.


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## CeeKer (Sep 30, 2009)

I am going to call the school first thing in the morning and set up a meeting with this "teacher". Just broke up a fight between my two sons. Older one is teasing the younger one about his new sister and how he's going to have to wear dresses! Grrrr!!!!! Already spill over and it hasn't even happened!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

In pantomime, there are several roles where men have traditionally played female roles, e.g. ugly stepsisters in Cinderella. Also, way back when, women weren't even allowed on stage--Juliet? first played by a guy.

Basically it comes down to whether he wants to be in the play badly enough to be professional about it. Really being asked to play a girl is a sign that the people in charge of casting have confidence in his acting. Especially at his age that's the sort of thing that could so easily be messed up by someone who decides to screw around.

Also if there will be other plays, maybe he can negotiate being a good sport about this part into getting first pick on the part he wants for the next play?

ETA: nevermind, read the details about the play. No, just no. Let the teacher be the "pond princess" herself if she's so set on that play. That does not sound like something that's going to go over well with an elementary cast, btw. I'm sorry for the audience.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
In pantomime, there are several roles where men have traditionally played female roles, e.g. ugly stepsisters in Cinderella. Also, way back when, women weren't even allowed on stage--Juliet? first played by a guy.

That's the faraway past. As in, today's 10 year old couldn't care less.

Quote:

Really being asked to play a girl is a sign that the people in charge of casting have confidence in his acting.
At 10 years old, I'd be inclined to think it's more that the teacher ran out of girls and got desperate rather than it having anything to do with talent. (No offense to the OP's son, of course).


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

What with expecting boys to wear skirts/kilts for field hockey and seeing this thread makes me wonder if talk of schools "feminizing" boys is true. I read something about that when I was looking stuff up on boys and field hockey and wondered if it was just guys reacting to having some of their power/position in society being challenged more by equal rights, but the situation over field hockey and now this makes me think again. It was definitely wrong the way the teacher handled it and insensitive to the way a boy might react.


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

If this was highschool and the teacher talked to your son privately first to see if he'd be interested in showing his fabulous acting skills I'd be OK. As it is I am horrified and outraged for your son. This must be about the most clueless teacher I've ever heard of. If he stays with these kids this will follow him through junior high. Being gay and out is one thing being emasculated against his will is so totally different. I'm sorry for his disappointment at being singled out and losing a part he can play.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Well, i certainly wouldn't make him do it. what a bummer. it sounds like he was looking forward to getting a part. that has to be a huge dissapointment and to a ten year old boy probably a bit of an insult.
I would talk to the teacher to see how he got chosen for the part but that would be it.

I think the play sounds horrible. marriages in ruin....kinda sad fodder for a bunch of 10 year olds.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

I can't really add anything more than support to you mama. I agree with all the other poster's, the choice of play is pretty unacceptable in my mind. I just don't see how this fits in with most curricula that's going on in 5th grade, and to just stick a female role on him is not cool. What class is this for? Could he be penalized if you refuse to allow him to participate in it?


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

If you're asking what I think YOU should do, I think you shouldn't do anything. Or, at most, you should help your 10yo son roleplay a conversation with his teacher telling her how uncomfortable he is.

Other than that, I'm pretty unhappy about the inherent misogyny and sexism that I'm reading in this thread, so I'm out of here. I will repeat, though, that I believe that a reasonable teacher will listen to a student's attempt to communicate with them and you don't need to get involved.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Other than that, I'm pretty unhappy about the inherent misogyny and sexism that I'm reading in this thread.

Really? Did the teacher prepare him for playing a role of an opposite gender? Did he have a choice in any of this? Many professional actors wouldn't try to tackel a role like this. How is it fair to take a young boy, who we all know is going to get teased unmercilessly over this, and give him a female role and not even explain why or prep him for it. And why only one child? If she's that short on boys then surely there would have been more than one boy being asked to play a female role. I don't think there has been any misogyny or sexism on here at all. What I see are a whole lot of mamas who are aware of the reality of the situation and the repercussions that will ensue. And FWIW, the teacher should have already explained her reasoning to the child and the parent ahead of time instead of assuming all was cool. This is definitely a move that warrants explanation, she should have given it without request on either the student or the parents part.


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## jessemoon (May 31, 2004)

As a former drama teacher, I would advise finding out the whole story before you go in with guns blazing.

I once had an irate father stomp into my office demanding my resignation. His daughter had been cast in our production of Fame. They rented the movie over the weekend and in the movie version, the character she would be playing had a brief topless moment in a locker-room scene.

He hit the roof and told his daughter that there was no way she was appearing topless (it apparently didn't occur to him that that would be illegal as she was 15). She told him that another student told her that we were following the movie exactly and that if she didn't do the topless scene, she would lose the part!









Obviously, none of this was true. There was no topless scene. How that kiddo thought that would fly is beyond me, but that is the message her dad got.

We worked it out, but he had spent all weekend fuming and working up to confronting me over something that was not a big deal at all.

Now, of course, it is possible that your son's teacher is insensitive or otherwise behaving inappropriately. If that is the case, then by all means deal with it firmly. However, I would get the whole story from her first.


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

Now that I know which play it is, I wish to withdraw my original response as pertains to this situation.

I think the play should be changed. It's not the best for elementary schools. There are plenty of other alternative fairy tale plays that would be appropriate --- such as the one that puts Hansel and Gretel on trial for harassing a poor, old, defenseless woman, etc.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I think it is a real shame that a girl could play a boy's role without too much teasing, etc., and a boy can't. It really does make me sad for society.

However... I don't necessarily think that your son should have to be the pioneer here, especially since he didn't choose to. I'd definitely talk to the teacher about it and see if there isn't a better solution. If she wants to proceed with that play, mixing up all the parts sounds like the best solution to me.


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

I don't think your son should have to play this part if he doesn't want to, but is it possible that he was "singled out" for the part because the teacher thought he'd be a stronger actor than the other boys? Maybe the teacher isn't that experienced with 10 year olds. I doubt the teacher has an agenda.

I second what jessemoon said about finding out all the info and starting from there.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
10 year olds don't know about marriage?

I would strongly encourage the kid to play the part, for several reasons.
It's good to move out of our comfort zones and challenge ourselves. It's bad to see girls' roles as somehow inferior. It's good to learn to deal gracefully with peer teasing.

He's 10. Let him deal with it in other ways when he doesn't have to possibly wear a princess dress.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
I don't think it has to do with girl's roles being inferior.

I think that in _*this*_ case, a boy wants to play a boy. There is nothing wrong with wanting to play a role that is like you.

Kids can be really cruel. I was tortured for 7 years in a school and still have some self-esteem issues because of it, and I am nearly 42.

Exactly. Kids are very mean. And something like this could follow him for years to come. That being said, I would not assume to know what is going on in the play, nor would I demand that the teacher change the play. I would ask to meet with the teacher and have the teacher explain what her vision is for both the play and the child's role.

And then go from there.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
It's bad to see girls' roles as somehow inferior.

What does that have to do with it? I'd have been mortified to play a boy's part at age 10, and it had nothing to do with thinking a boy's role was "inferior". It had to do with the fact that I was a _girl_. I wasn't even a "girly girl". That's part of why it would have been so humiliating. I'd have been wondering if the teacher saw me as not being a "real girl" or something, and whether that's how other people saw me and if that's why I was picked, and...yeah - hellish...absolutely hellish.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

this has nothing to do with sexism. My daughters would not play the part of a prince (big bad wolf maybe but not a prince or something that was decidly manly) nor would I expect her to. actually if she was uncomfortable with the part she recieved for any reason I would not expect her to do it. I mean it is a play. its supposed to be fun.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GuildJenn* 
I think it is a real shame that a girl could play a boy's role without too much teasing, etc., and a boy can't. It really does make me sad for society.

If you have several girls who want to be in a play and a bunch of them play boy parts, then this is true. However, if all the other girls got girl parts and one particular girl gets singled out to play a boy, then I think there'd be teasing going on.

Since, one frequently has more girls than boys interested in participating in drama classes it is common to have several girls play male parts. The commonness of the situation has led to its normalcy.

One time, I saw a children's play, where _every_ child played opposite gender, all the girls played male roles and _all_ the boys played female parts. In this case though, a lone child is being single out to play a very girly female part. _All_ the girls got female roles, and _every other_ boy got male roles.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Shame or not, it's the way it is in school. My vote goes with him doing what he's comfortable with. If he'd rather not, what a great opportunity to practice declining an offer politely


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## Delta (Oct 22, 2002)

I would have been mortified if I were cast as a prince or a male role at that age. I don't think this is an issue of sexism.

Quote:

I would encourage your child to speak to the teacher about the issue. If he isn't comfortable on his own, offer to go with and support him. *You want to give him the tools to deal with this on his own if possible, but be there for him if necessary.* The teacher really needs to re-evaluate how she is handling this.
Yes, I think you should help him address this with his teacher first rather than helicoptering and going to the teacher immediately.


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

Im just wondering what type of 'play' this is going to be. Is this a readers theater that is just a classroom type thing or is this going to be a performance?
Right now I think you need to gather some more facts.


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## MomOnDaEdge (Nov 10, 2007)

QUOTE=1growingsprout;14460179]IMO theater is about 'acting'. A good actor can play any part they are given, male female animal veggie mineral etc....This is a wonderful opportunity to learn its about having fun. its not the clothes you wear, the part you play, the lines you recite, its enjoying what you do...

I wouldnt approach the teacher about it...Let you DS go and encourage him to have a great time.[/QUOTE]

*I gently disagree. Her DS is not an actor; he is part of a school production. And at his age, yes, this will follow him for years. Not everyone is a gentle Mama and has raised thier children that way. There will be children who make fun. And if he already being teased by his brother, yes, as a Mama, you should step in.*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CeeKer* 
I was just looking for the name of the play again. It is called Happily Never After.

It has a cast of 11, 4 boys and 7 girls. She has given him the part of someone called the Pond Princess who is apparently a bit of a grumpy and fiery girl. I don't know yet exactly what the costume is meant to look like but he said it is supposed to be princess-y.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *CeeKer* 
WOW I am so annoyed!!!! And that is the nicest word I can use (insert bad words if you wish)

*TBH, I have no problem with boys or girls being placed in non traditional roles. My boys played with dolls and when teased said, "boys that play with dollbabies grow up to be good Dad's."*

I just did a search on this play and found some pages on the Google books thing. The Pond Princess is MARRIED to a male character called Frog and is later supposed to get married to another character called Prince Ling from what I can tell (most pages are not in the Google books thing). WTF? This is for 10 year olds?


Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
Honestly, I think the whole play is inappropriate for 10 year olds. Marriage counseling? Prince Charming ending up with the stepmother instead of Cinderella? At 10 years old? I didn't *think* I was a fuddy duddy, but maybe I am.

*Setting aside the same sex marriage while I, and my children are 110% for - this is not an age appropriate play unless your children attend one of the most progressive schools in the US. Marriage counseling? Really? No. Just, no. While it can be a great help to those who need it, and those who choose it, it's not a message I would want send to my 10 yr old.*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
If you're asking what I think YOU should do, I think you shouldn't do anything. Or, at most, you should help your 10yo son roleplay a conversation with his teacher telling her how uncomfortable he is.

Other than that, I'm pretty unhappy about the inherent misogyny and sexism that I'm reading in this thread, so I'm out of here. I will repeat, though, that I believe that a reasonable teacher will listen to a student's attempt to communicate with them and you don't need to get involved.

*Much as I agree with you, I also disagree. I don't think this is an approprate play for this age group nor do I think a 10 yr old should have to stand up alone to his teacher for this one. At 10, even the most bravest of children need some backup from Mama on the really hard stuff. And yeah, I would count this as a really hard one. Not saying Mama should jump down the teachers throat, but really? This play is beyond the scope of most 10 yr olds.

While we may be past all the gender roles, that does not mean our children are not being exposed to it from thier schoolmates KWIM? I am an adult and can take what is dished out re my opinions. It's a heck of a lot to ask a 10 yr old to do that. While I'm sure you would like to see traditional gender roles erradicated, as would I, its just not the real world right now. Does it have to start somewhere? Yes. Are many of us doing that? Yes. But from what the OP posted it does not sound like her child is comfortable in leadiing the charge for change.*


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

closed for moderator review


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