# "Classic" teenager ?!..



## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

OKay, DSD is 14.







:

She came over this weekend, and she is starting to get into "emo" stuff. She got choppy haircut, and is picking up black rubber bracelets, and talks about what a cool look "emos" have. Doesn't really bother us, but it just strikes me like such a "classic teenager" behavior that it made me smile









She asked for a ride to the mall, and when we got there, she asked not to come into the store with her.









I mean, you read about these things in books on raising a teenagere, and then it happens to you!..









Anyone else has stories of "classic teenagehood"?..

P.S. There is plenty of mood swings to go around, and a bit of selfishness, but somehow those are harder to see as "just a teenage stage", I always worry that it will stick; at the same time, this fondness with "emo" stuff is just too funny, I'm sure she'll grow out of that one


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

DD says that punks dress emo, and many emos are involved in cutting themselves as a part of their culture. Something to be aware of. I do not know if that is true but that's what she told me.


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

Heres one. dd turns fourteen and wants her learners permit. She says there is a rule that says she can have one now. She says we need to get it now before the rule changes this year. She expects that I'll run right out and get this permit so she can drive, but doesn't realize the high cost of insurance that would have to be paid to do this. I hate to break it to her but...I don't see this happening. She will probably be mad when she finds out we aren't letting her drive yet.


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## sunflwrmoonbeam (Oct 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bestbirths* 
DD says that punks dress emo, and many emos are involved in cutting themselves as a part of their culture.

I'll admit that I know very little about emo these days. However, as someone who used to cut, I can assure you that that behavior is almost always done from depression, and almost never from social pressure. People have these weird ideas about cutters, and most are absolutely untrue.

I promise to not highjack the thread anymore.


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## fishface (Jan 6, 2007)

Emos don't cut because they're emo, cutters cut because they're depressed. They may or may not be emo.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

She doesn't seem depressed really, she is really into music and the clothing. I appreciate the concern though (the first time she mentioned it, I had to secretly look it up heh).


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fishface* 
Emos don't cut because they're emo, cutters cut because they're depressed. They may or may not be emo.

Yup, true cutters do it b/c the have are depressed/have mental illnesses. I did it when I was a kid to get attention, and the majority of kids who I knew did it for that reason too-and it was something they grew out of. Very few kids acutally did it b/c of something they couldn't control-and those kids would try to hide it. Those who do it more for attention or "poor me" status let their wounds show, and they are usually very minor, just lines across the arms.


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

When I took dd to counseling the counselor asked her if she cut and her response was "I'm not an emo", so evidently my dd thinks cutting=emo. Doesn't it sound so much like elmo....though? I was like "what is an emo???".


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bestbirths* 
She expects that I'll run right out and get this permit so she can drive, but doesn't realize the high cost of insurance that would have to be paid to do this.

Our insurance company said there's no additional cost to add someone who has a permit... it only costs more to add a licensed driver.









dar


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

Oh Dar....you had to tell me that...my insurance went up with ds as soon as he got his permit, $120 a month. When he turned 18 it went from 120 to 70 a month, he still doesn't have his licence yet. Maybe it is different for girls.

It can't be happening so soon that they are driving age!!!
OK..letting very responsible ds drive my car is one thing but wild woman dd who doesn't listen to my instructions driving the only car we have that I still owe money on....hmmmm....risky. Then again, driving is a great motivator.....I guess it wouldn't hurt to get the little booklet. We could always use this driver's ed class on her transcript. It's never to early to start thinking of that I hear.







:


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Dd really likes the emo look, or most of it anyway. She's definitely not into the self injury (cutting, etc) though, and I am thankful. She likes some of the look for herself, and on boys and girls too.









I got pretty lucky I guess.. My teens not only don't mind me going to the mall or movies with them, they welcome and invite it. They just took me to see the new HP movie.


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## Marcee (Jan 23, 2007)

Could some explain to me what exactly emo is. I have heard the term a time or two but have not a clue. I live in a very small town where jocks and cheerleaders are everywhere so please clue me in. Thank you!


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

I am not 100% sure, but I think they are the ones who wear dark clothing, and put dark eye liner around their eyes completely, even the boys do. Probably shop at Hot Topic at the mall. Although my ds is not an emo an he shops at hot topic. I teach my child she can dress jock one day, western the next, and emo another day or mix all of them, the dressing being your identity thing is strong here but since we are unschoolers, we are kind of amused by it. DD likes to dress from the skater store, but since she doesn't really skate, that means she is a poser, from what she's told me.


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## Yoshua (Jan 5, 2006)

Emo is short for Emotional and it is as harmless as punks or grunge or even goth before it.

It is supposed to be the new culture where people aren't afraid to show their emotions and often times gets made fun of by the 'preps' or 'jocks' for being cry babies.

But like the grunge and goth before them it is just another culture shock phase that every generation has and tries to come up with a new twist.

There is a style of music named Emo but it varies greatly from electronica to grunge. The style of music doesn't seem to be based on the music itself as much as the artists who perform it. If the artist proclaims to be Emo then their music is considered emo so long as it doesnt go to far into the metal or the pop genres.

Emo styles are typically longer bangs over the eyes or longer hair in general. Can be black or any shade and you will also find the boys/men into emo wearing the eyeliner. Their clothes tend to be black and can also have bright or vivid colors to go along with it.

Basically it is a group of people who want to belong and they defined their own social status to make it happen.

Correct me if I am wrong, I have never been emo but I know people who are into the culture and that is the impression they give me.


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## Marcee (Jan 23, 2007)

Ahh haa! Thank you very much! Now I will not look so uncool if one of my boys says anything about this look....


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## smillerhouse (Aug 5, 2006)

This is what I am currently dealing with (14 year old daughter). She does not want to go on our family vacation to Vermont (we live in Fl.) She wants to stay at a friends house and I am not letting her do this. She wants to try out for the varsity volleyball team. (We hs but she is going to play for JV in the fall.) She wants to go to the public high school. (I absolutely will not allow her to do this except to play volleyball.) Sallie


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

I understand about wanting her to go on the family vacation. What are your concerns about her trying out for the Varsity team or going to public school? I know that some unschoolers I know go to public school for about six weeks, then by that time they tire of getting told when they can and can't go to the bathroom and all of the other rules and regs and cheerfully RUN home. Not letting them go try out school makes it more desirable.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I think the emo kids are also the ones with flesh tunnels???? At least over here, cutting and emo go hand in hand- there's also the charming fashion look of wearing wristwarmers and trillions of bracelets that make it look like you're hiding something







: They aren't punks- punks are positively mainstream cute and fluffy by comparison, but don't have the heavy-duty angst (and history) of the goths. At least with goths, they tend to read some good literature









I am, however, hoping and praying that grunge comes back into fashion in the next 5 years before my boys get there.







: I'm hoping it might be cheaper.


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## Yoshua (Jan 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
I think the emo kids are also the ones with flesh tunnels???? At least over here, cutting and emo go hand in hand- there's also the charming fashion look of wearing wristwarmers and trillions of bracelets that make it look like you're hiding something







: They aren't punks- punks are positively mainstream cute and fluffy by comparison, but don't have the heavy-duty angst (and history) of the goths. At least with goths, they tend to read some good literature









I am, however, hoping and praying that grunge comes back into fashion in the next 5 years before my boys get there.







: I'm hoping it might be cheaper.

None of the people I know who are emo cut themselves or pretend to. I have however known cutters and their social status had very little to do with it.


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## Marcee (Jan 23, 2007)

Ok what the heck is a "flesh tunnel"? I am only 32 am I really this un-cool? lol


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

The cutting thing is seen in emo kids some, but that's certainly not the defining element. I know someone who was raised in a very strict Christian denom and isn't even allowed to wear pants let alone anything emo and she has struggled with cutting. It's a rough situation that any kind of kid might face if the conditions (environment, mental, emotion, etc) are right (or wrong, I guess.







)


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## smillerhouse (Aug 5, 2006)

Bestbirths, I am OK with her trying out for varisty next year. The varsity try-outs are this year when we wil be away on our vacation.However, she is not ready to hang out with 16,17, and 18 year olds. Next year, will make sure,she can go to team camp and try out for varsity.
The public school objection is many things. The learning differences she has will be ignored/not dealt with and she will experience a lot of failure.(She is deaf in one ear plus dyslexic) Conformity,control,and consumersim are my main objection to schools (not just public) I do not want her with peers for 8-10 hours a day. Plus,the interests she has art,music,her freedom will pretty much disapear. She is a strong conformist (unlike brother,nearly 17) and she would do anythig to fit in) She has a few years till college (4). I have doing a lot of work this summer to make sure she has positive stuff going into the fall. She will be doing singing lessons (her interest). She is just hooked up with an active youth group. She does an online school-there will be 6 challenging and interesting courses that do not all rely on me but I will be there for guidance and support. She will also be at this school nearly every day for volleyball practices and games. Sallie


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## Polly3 (Sep 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelpie545* 
Yup, true cutters do it b/c the have are depressed/have mental illnesses. I did it when I was a kid to get attention, and the majority of kids who I knew did it for that reason too-and it was something they grew out of. Very few kids acutally did it b/c of something they couldn't control-and those kids would try to hide it. Those who do it more for attention or "poor me" status let their wounds show, and they are usually very minor, just lines across the arms.

Yep, my dss did it more for attention a couple years ago. He seemed almost proud? of it. Very strange. But, he claims he is not emo, but punk. Huh? He only did it one time and made sure that everyone could see it. The "wounds" were minor. More casual cutting (very strange to me -how could someone be a casual cutter? but it happens) is associated with being emo in our neck of the woods but true cutters, like you say, are depressed.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I think this is the thing that's bugging me: over here (UK) the defining marks of an emo kid seems to be the obsessive hiding of the forearms, and the awareness of cutting. I'm not saying they're self-harming, but that the culture seems to be tolerant of cutting to the point of glorying







There's a certain amount of interest in body mod of other kinds as well, which can be a bit scary.
Marcie, flesh tunnels are the ear-rings that expand the holes in the lobe so you can see daylight through- by several mm. To my old-fashioned 30-year-old eyes, it's a big ick.


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## HeidiAnn67 (Jun 12, 2007)

I work in a school, as part of the Special Ed Dept actually (so the comment about Public Schools ignoring children with Special Needs was a little sad to me, because we work very hard to help children), but I'm in the "regular" classroom. I see Emo kids and have never seen any of them that "cut".
The Emo kids I see actually kind of remind me of the British look in the late 60s and early 70s. Tight pants, wide belts, shaggy hair.

I've also been told by an Emo kid that Emo doesn't stand for Emotional, that that's just what people think it stands for. But who knows. Neither of my 2 teens is into the look.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

It's a popular misconception that emo = cutter. My son's labeled emo (he hates labels, tho), and had a classmate actually cut him because "that's what emos do". It isn't. They're very into emotions and expressing them freely, especially via music or writing. They tend to go with longer hair, darker clothes, and yes, eyeliner on guys. YEah, it's a bit odd to go to the store and buy eyeliner for your son. But hey - whatever.


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

Quote:

Bestbirths, I am OK with her trying out for varisty next year. The varsity try-outs are this year when we wil be away on our vacation.However, she is not ready to hang out with 16,17, and 18 year olds. Next year, will make sure,she can go to team camp and try out for varsity.
The public school objection is many things. The learning differences she has will be ignored/not dealt with and she will experience a lot of failure.(She is deaf in one ear plus dyslexic) Conformity,control,and consumersim are my main objection to schools (not just public) I do not want her with peers for 8-10 hours a day. Plus,the interests she has art,music,her freedom will pretty much disapear. She is a strong conformist (unlike brother,nearly 17) and she would do anythig to fit in) She has a few years till college (4). I have doing a lot of work this summer to make sure she has positive stuff going into the fall. She will be doing singing lessons (her interest). She is just hooked up with an active youth group. She does an online school-there will be 6 challenging and interesting courses that do not all rely on me but I will be there for guidance and support. She will also be at this school nearly every day for volleyball practices and games. Sallie
Sallie, I completely understand as my daughter is dyslexic too and that would be my concern too. It's not that I am downing the public schools, it is just that dyslexia is REALLY difficult to deal with for anyone, and one on one attention tailored program just for their needs seems to work best. Plus, there is a strong stigma to be an older child with reading difficulties in school, regardless of how wonderful the teachers may be. I view homeschooling partially as protecting my child's self esteem (at least trying to). A lot of people homeschool for this very reason. Our local group is mostly parents just like me. I would be concerned about my child developing relationships with older girls too, now that you mention it, because she is already interested in older things and I wouldn't want to encourage (the boy interest especially). I wouldn't want her hanging out with older girls who are interested in even older boys. I totally get that.

Quote:

YEah, it's a bit odd to go to the store and buy eyeliner for your son. But hey - whatever.
There are worse thing to buy for your son I'd think....like condoms...I'd definately rather buy eyeliner than condoms! Maybe the eyeliner popularity is from the Pirates of the Caribean craze, Johnny Depp wears eyeliner in that movie, and no one is laughing at him.

My daughter is now taking the eyeliner and extending it way past the end of her eye. It's like now that boys are wearing eyeliner, they have to wear....even more eyeliner....or something. It's an eyeliner contest.


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
It's a popular misconception that emo = cutter. My son's labeled emo (he hates labels, tho), and had a classmate actually cut him because "that's what emos do". It isn't. They're very into emotions and expressing them freely, especially via music or writing.

Wow, did you press assault charges? That is way crossing the line to come up and cut someone! I hope they would suspend the child that cut another student from school.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bestbirths* 
Wow, did you press assault charges? That is way crossing the line to come up and cut someone! I hope they would suspend the child that cut another student from school.

LOL The young man (and his parents) was made to understand very clearly that the one kid he did not want to mess with was mine. 'Cause his momma WILL bring the crazy down on him.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Marcie, flesh tunnels are the ear-rings that expand the holes in the lobe so you can see daylight through- by several mm. To my old-fashioned 30-year-old eyes, it's a big ick.

Oh me too! There's a cookie shop I love in the mall and a guy who has those works there. Whenever he's working I can't get a cookie 'cause his ears make my appetite completely disappear.


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## Bestbirths (Jan 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
LOL The young man (and his parents) was made to understand very clearly that the one kid he did not want to mess with was mine. 'Cause his momma WILL bring the crazy down on him.

mtiger mama, I predict your son will have no more problems with that kid.


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## smillerhouse (Aug 5, 2006)

Bestbirths, Thanks for supporting me!!!!! We have been struggling all year with the pressure to be older,date,etc.etc. (She turned 14 in April)This week has acutally been a breath of fresh air as she has not returned any of the calls from the kids who are into this, or gotten on my Space, IM. She spent the night last night with a friend of hers she has known since age 4. They went swimming and are going tubing today. I took her to the gym on Monday -she is staying in condition to play volleyball. She went to an open gym Tuesday night for volleyball. She played Sims and caught up on her sleep. She wants to see Harry Potter tomorrow night.She will play indoor soccer tonight. She is very active and very creative!!!!!!
I have taught in high schools and colleges and subbed at all grade levels. I in no means want to trash ,be negative about anyone elses choices. I was trying to express where I am at and what is honestly going on currently with myself and my 14 year old daughter.
Sallie


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## smillerhouse (Aug 5, 2006)

About the emo/cutting stuff: Honestly, I am tired of it!!!! My daughter is full of joy and life and attracts a lot of kids from very sad circumstances. This started intensely a few yesrs ago when a girl she had known since they were babies opened up to her about abuse/cutting herself. The whole church got dragged into it. My daughter was 12 at the time and that was the first I had heard about cutting,etc. Since then, it appears to be a fad. I let her express herself but try to keep her away from this really heavy stuff-I see it as really negative and dark and the kids she knows that are super into are from abusive homes. I encourage her to relate to many many types of people, always have,that is the way I am and she is too.
This summer I was taking a few teens bluberry picking and to the springs and a song about cutting oneself,glorifying this came on-I said at the end of this, I am listing to XM radio. I will not allow that in my car again.

Sallie


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## mamawanabe (Nov 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunflwrmoonbeam* 
I'll admit that I know very little about emo these days. However, as someone who used to cut, I can assure you that that behavior is almost always done from depression, and almost never from social pressure. People have these weird ideas about cutters, and most are absolutely untrue.

I promise to not highjack the thread anymore.

yes and no. a person isn't going to cut just becuase their friends are cutting since it is in response to depression/emotional pain. however, like with eds, these are coping behaviors that can be encoruaged by friends.

I was alwasy borderline ed. Had I had a group of friends with eds, it probably would have pushed me over the line

But, no, I wouldn't worry just because my child went emo and either way (emo or no), I'd keep very open lines of communication


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oriole* 
She asked for a ride to the mall, and when we got there, she asked not to come into the store with her.









I










We don't get into the emo, or punk stuff. But she does politley ask me not to go in with her.

At least she's polite.









Like, *I* would embarrass her.


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## marlne (Mar 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bestbirths* 
DD says that punks dress emo, and many emos are involved in cutting themselves as a part of their culture. Something to be aware of. I do not know if that is true but that's what she told me.

I asked my daughter and she said the exact same thing.

There was a boy she knew in her class last year who was "emo" and would come to school with cuts on his arms. He'd wear wrist bands to hide it and tell her he was depressed and would cut himself.

My daughter does know that cutting can be with anyone who is not emo and that not all emo's do cut but it does seem to be associated.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Well, my son just turned 12, so he's not into emo and whatnot yet, but I did walk him to his first school dance last month (parents were required to drop the kids off and pck them up) and he took me aside about two blocks away and gave me some rules- don't talk to him besides saying goodbye, don't smile too big or tell him I love him, don't talk to or look at any of his friends, etc. I was trying SO hard not to just bust out laughing.


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## mama2toomany (Oct 17, 2005)

My brother is Emo... He is a very good happy kid.. not a cutter at all.

I get really upset when people liken emos to something negitive like cutting.

A cutter is a person with a problem.. depression whatever.. and emo is a person who made fashion/lifestyle choice.


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## mnwildfans1 (Apr 8, 2008)

"says that punks dress emo, and many emos are involved in cutting themselves"
NOT ALL EMOS CUT!!!!!!! Yes SOME of them do but thats not the point of being emo, and certainly not to be taken lightly!!!! Any time someone cuts its NOT TO BE PART OF A GROUP!!!!!!!!!! Most of the time its cause you feel like the WORLD HATES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE THEY WANT YOU TO BE IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This the reason I CUT. I'm Sorry if this sounds mean but ANY time I CUT I'm screaming in side for HELP!!!!!! If someone said o its just a part of the culture I would feel even more alone!!!! That's when your pain drives you to END IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In closing I will say this. As someone that still struggles with cutting ANY time someone tells you or you discover they are cutting. DON'T TAKE IT AS JUST ANOTHER PHASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAUSE IT AIN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY NEED HELP RIGHT AWAY!! YOU WILL BE SAVING A LIFE!


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

mnwildfans1-









If you want help, you should explore what services might be available in your area...


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## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

would you say she is more emo or scene kid? http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...term=Scene+Kid
My daughter is sort of into the scene kid thing, but sometimes she just dresses preppie in Hollister, Abercrombie or Aero. Yesterday, she had on neon pink leggings (mid calf) with a denim pleated mini skirt and a neon pink b belt that had white and black studs on it. Her shirt was black with neon colored circles, hearts and lightning bolts. Her hair had a small neon pink bow in it (she wears side bangs) and she had on black and pink converse sneakers. Her fingernails are often black, lime green, neon pink or some variation of all of those! She also loves dinosaurs, robots and stuff like that. She is however, not emo. Nor is she gay or bisexual like the thing said, not into death or dark stuff. She just loves the look, and likes to be a little different. Most of the girls at her school are preps.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Just in case people find this thread strangely familiar, it is from last year.


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## MamaLisa1 (Mar 9, 2004)

LOL, I didn't even look at the date.


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