# Resources for those who have lost a child



## Ms. Mom

I've put together some resources that I found helpful after my losses. I have more that I'll be adding and I'll do a quick personal review when I have a free moment.

Please post any resources you have found helpful and feel free to write a quick personal review.

*BOOKS*

*Stillborn The Invisible Death*
John DeFrain

*Empty Cradle, Broken Heart* Surviving the Death of Your Baby
Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D.

*The Bereaved Parent*
Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

*I'll Hold You In Heaven* - Healing and hope for the parent who has lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth abortion or early infant death
Jack Hayford

*When Hello Means Goodbye*
Pat Schwiebert, RN - Paul Kirk, MD

*Still To Be Born* A guide for bereaved parents who are making decisions about the future
Pat Schweibert, RN - Paul Kirk, MD

*Miscarriage* A Shattered Dream
Sherokee Ilse - Linda Hammer Burns

*Empty Arms* Coping with miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death
Sherokee Ilse

*When A Baby Dies* Psychotherapy for pregnancy and newborn loss
Irving G. Leon

*A Silent Sorrow* Pregnancy Loss guidance and support for you and your family
Ingrid Kohn, M.S.W. - Perry-Lynn Moffit - Isabelle A. Wilkins, M.D.

*When Pregnancy Fails* Families coping with miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth and infant death
Judith Borg - Susan Lasker

*Don't Take My Grief Away*
Doug Manning

*Miscarriage - Women Sharing from the heart*
Marie Allen - Shelly Marks

*Another Baby? Maybe&#8230;*
Sherokee Ilse and Maribeth Wilder Doerr

*POETRY*

*Stolen Joy* Healing after infertility and infant loss
Ann Barney

*Go Gently* A parent's grief
David Morawez

*She Was Born, She Died* A collection of poems following the death of an infant
Marion Cohen

*The Limits of Miracles* Poems about the loss of babies
Collected by Marion Cohen

*Tiny Baby*
PILC Parents

*The Promise of the rainbow* after a child dies
Patti Fochi

*Whispers in the wind*
Debbie Dickinson

*The Anguish of Loss* visual expressions of grief and sorrow
Julie Fitsch - with Sherokee Ilse

*I Knew You For A Moment* A collection of poetry written after a baby dies
PILC Parents


----------



## eleni

ms mom ,thank you so much for the list of book about lossing a baby , sense i lost my baby a few weeks agao i find myself looking for information and support , thank you again

love and light
mommy of







4yr old joseph and 12 week


----------



## ellery

thank u so much for the list. Ive had a loss and wish 3 years ago i knew about this forum. What a wonderful thing of u to do. So many people will benefit from this u never know until u go through it. What a wonderful thing youve done. I cant say it enough.


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt

A couple of other books are
"TEAR SOUP" and "We were going to have a baby but had an angle instead"

Both books are great...have been super for our family and our recent loss.

Hope this helps!!


----------



## Clarity

When a baby dies by Leon is not a book I would suggest...it's by and for psychotherapists and uses terms that are hurtful for a grieving mother (the narcissistic nature of infant loss for instance...) Both dh and I found it offensive and not helpful. Perhaps my therapist read this book and it's why we couldn't connect over this issue!

Trying Again and Pregnancy After A Loss are both very good too.


----------



## Maple Leaf

Someone suggested this site to me yesterday. It is http://www.griefwatch.com

They have a Life Certificate that celebrates the life of your baby no matter how long they lived.


----------



## tyandtorismom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maple Leaf*
Someone suggested this site to me yesterday. It is http://www.griefwatch.com

They have a Life Certificate that celebrates the life of your baby no matter how long they lived.


Thanks Mimi- I think I'm going to check these out. I've really been moarning my lost babes lately and this may be just what I need. Thanks again!

See you at the Pin!


----------



## mommyto3girls

My favorite book was Empty Cradle Broken Heart.

Also this is a great website for rembrance items. http://www.aplacetoremember.com we got cards that I printed up as birth/death announcements, a memory/baby book for a child that has died, and lots of really special keepsake type things. They also have a nice section for parents of Premies for NICU items.


----------



## PB's Mom

This is a new website with lots of memory items:

http://www.littleangelsonlinestore.com


----------



## amydawnsmommy

I've received a lot of my support online.

Here are some great support sites:

http://www.pbso.ca/
http://www.kotapress.com/
http://www.shareatlanta.org/
http://www.misschildren.org/
http://www.hygeia.org/
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/
http://www.bereavedfamilies.net/
http://www.aplacetoremember.com/
http://www.centering.org/
http://www.handonline.org/

Also October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. You can help raise awareness by giving support group information to your doctor for other bereaved parents.


----------



## Barcino

Someone sent me a beautiful bracelet with my sons name from www.rememberingthem.net The lady that makes them lost a baby shortly after birth (like we did) and she makes these bracelets now. Part of the profits go to support NICUs. They are beautiful and I am treasuring mine. I thought some of you might be interested in them, plus having them come from somone who knows what we are going through makes them even more special.

The website again is: www.rememberingthem.net


----------



## AntoninBeGonin

http://www.babyphotoretouch.com/abouttroy.html

This is a website run by a professional photographer who gave birth to a stillborn son. The nurses took photos of the baby for her, but unfortunately they turned out very dark. The mom retouched the photos and added pink to improve the baby's color. Later she showed the photos to a support group and all the members were impressed by how peaceful her son looked.

Best to all,
~Nay


----------



## lestouffer

The doctor who did my first D&E gave me Empty Cradle broken heart. It was a nice touch.


----------



## Cheryl Haggard

There is a book called "IN A HEARTBEAT"
by Dawn Siegrist Waltman.

This is an easy read, more like a daily devotional. Dawn is an incredible writer, and writes from her heart. This book really helped me after the loss of my son Maddux. Reading her words, really opened my mind and inspired me to share my story and experience with others.

"In a heartbeat, a life is stilled, a dream dies, and Heaven becomes amazingly real..." Dawn Siegrist Waltman

I hope this helps...

Cheryl Haggard


----------



## Thalia

I have really enjoyed reading Coming to Term so far. It's written by a correspondant for _Science_ who has also written for _the Atlantic Monthly, The New Yorker,_ and _the New York Times_. It's clear and well-written, addressing the history of the research into the causes of miscarriage. But it also has a personal side, because Cohen and his wife had four miscarriages between the births of their two children.

I haven't finished reading the whole book, but the overall message has been one of hope and encouragement: again and again Cohen reviews the research that indicates that even women who have had as many as four miscarriages have a 70% chance of carrying a child to term with NO interventions the next time they get pregnant. Cohen also takes a very hard look at the effectiveness of the interventions that have been used to treat miscarriage--I think it is very much in line with the attitude towards interventions in birth that I see all over Mothering and MDC, "no interventions just for the sake of intervening!" The problems with some of these interventions are well-established (e.g. the birth defects caused by the use of DES in pregnant mothers to prevent miscarriage), but many of these interventions are still very controversial, e.g. progesterone supplements, lympocyte immune therapy. If you are a big fan of those treatments, you may not like this book.

Cohen interviews families, researchers, and doctors, which makes for a very interesting perspective, and he reviews much of the scientific literature on miscarriage, which I found very useful. I really feel much more prepared for my next pregnancy, whenever that will happen.


----------



## Sheryl29

I lost my baby at 8 weeks, at first I cried!!!!!!! and felt empty as this was my first baby. Since then I am trying and now fell as if I am pregnant after one month. What I find though is sometimes I feel as if I am not getting any air and I cry. Really miss the baby and now I am so afraid that this might happen to me again. I am 29 and I reall am ready but what if I am the cause why my baby died, what can do now to make the next one is ok, I am so confused and sad. Can someone help me!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## jet1295mamajenn

We registered our baby at the Shrine of the Holy Innocents. They keep a "book of life" where the babies' names are listed, and they send you a certificate via email. There is a special Mass just for the babies in the book, I think once a month. You don't have to be Catholic to register (we are, but it's not necessary!). It's just nice to know that someone else is remembering your baby regularly. I'll try the link, but the pop-up keeps being blocked. You might have to cut & paste.
www.innocents.com. Look in the left margin and you'll see a link for the Shrine for Children Who Died Unborn.

JET


----------



## queencarr

I have not used this service, but http://babyangelpics.com/index.php offers free retouching for pictures of babies who are stillborn or die in the hospital. Pictures can be digitally uploaded. When I take mine out of the album, I will check them out and update a response.


----------



## Justmee

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tyandtorismom*
Thanks Mimi- I think I'm going to check these out. I've really been moarning my lost babes lately and this may be just what I need. Thanks again!

I just saw your post







and I wanted to add this source to the list

http://www.climb-support.org/

It's Center for Loss In Multiple Birth, for people who have lost 1 or more babies in a multiple set (pregnancy / birth / childhood)


----------



## CubanaYogini

I have gotten a lot of support at http://www.lossparents.org/


----------



## amydawnsmommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sheryl29* 
I lost my baby at 8 weeks, at first I cried!!!!!!! and felt empty as this was my first baby. Since then I am trying and now fell as if I am pregnant after one month. What I find though is sometimes I feel as if I am not getting any air and I cry. Really miss the baby and now I am so afraid that this might happen to me again. I am 29 and I reall am ready but what if I am the cause why my baby died, what can do now to make the next one is ok, I am so confused and sad. Can someone help me!!!!!!!!!!!

Sheryl29 I just saw your post today. How are you feeling these days?


----------



## gal_sunshine_383

La Belle Dame makes absolutely gorgeous Miscarriage & Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry!

Many of these items can be custom engraved with your child's name, birthdate or other info!

Here is a link to a pic (of the same kind I ordered) from their site:

Pic

My necklace says:
On one side: Our Angel Hannah Ava
then on the other side: Loved & Lost 4-17-07

There is an UK website called "Sands" that has an excellent support forum composed of other parents that have lost babies to miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death.

Sands Support Forum


----------



## SamuraiEarthMama

Something that is becoming more of an issue as prenatal testing becomes prevalent: moms who carry babies who are not expected to live past birth (or even survive birth).

There are perinatal hospices where families can meet others who are travelling a similar path... I'm volunteering as a doula for one in Kansas City (which is supported by the Catholic church, but anyone who needs their services is welcome).

If you find yourself making hard decisions based on testing, this website might provide appropriate resources: http://www.perinatalhospice.org/


----------



## fastyfeet

After our son died at birth, I read most of the books listed in the first post. Some were helpful but didn't seem to hit just right. The absolute best book I read (multiple times) that comforted and gave context for my loss was Finding Hope When a Child Dies by Sukie ******.

http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Hope-W...9306172&sr=8-1


----------



## DreamWeaver

I found "Swallowed by a Snake: The Masculine Gift of Healing" by Tom Golden to be very useful. It helped me understand my husband's grieving, and mine as well. I find this a very good book.

Lorraine Ash's "Life Touches Life" is about her journey from grief to healing after her daughter was stillborn at full term. She also has a website at www.lorraineash.com


----------



## amydawnsmommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fastyfeet* 
After our son died at birth, I read most of the books listed in the first post. Some were helpful but didn't seem to hit just right. The absolute best book I read (multiple times) that comforted and gave context for my loss was Finding Hope When a Child Dies by Sukie ******.

http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Hope-W...9306172&sr=8-1

I liked this book too. I found the end to be especially uplifting.


----------



## momoftworedheads

Here is a beautiful song for a m/c or still baby. It is by a Christian group. I am going to play it at my daughter's memorial service.
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby&#8230;baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby&#8230;baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you&#8230;
Until we're home with you&#8230;

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
'till mom and dad can hold you&#8230;
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it's hard to
understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would&#8230;
Just like He said He would&#8230;

BRIDGE:
I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know&#8230;all you'll ever know&#8230;

Please take care,
Jen


----------



## lookingforaname

The pictures taken by professional photographers on this website are stunningly beautiful and emotional. It's a free service run by volunteer photographers.

Now I lay Me Down To Sleep: Infant Bereavement Photography

http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/


> But there is another aspect of pregnancy and birth. There is an unexpected place in this journey where some families may find themselves. When a baby dies, a world is turned upside down. There is confusion, sadness, fear, and uncertainty that cannot be explained. There is sorrow where there should have been joy. During this time, it might be impossible for families to know what they might need in order to heal in the future.
> 
> This is the place where the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation gently provides a helping hand and a healing heart. For families overcome by grief and pain, the idea of photographing their baby may not immediately occur to them. Offering gentle and beautiful photography services in a compassionate and sensitive manner is the heart of this organization. The soft, gentle heirloom photographs of these beautiful babies are an important part of the healing process. They allow families to honor and cherish their babies, and share the spirits of their lives.
> 
> The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation (NILMDTS) administers a network of more than 5,000 volunteer photographers in the United States and nineteen International countries. At a family's request, a NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer will come to your hospital or hospice location and conduct a sensitive and private portrait session. The portraits are then professionally retouched and presented to the families on an archival DVD or CD that can be used to print portraits of their cherished baby.
> 
> Our entire network of affiliated photographers graciously donate their time and talents to our families and we are proud to be able to offer our services at no cost.Your Donations are greatly needed and greatly appreciated.


----------



## Cherri

I would like to add my website to the resource list: http://www.mychildlossgrief.org

and offer my condolences to all bereaved parents.


----------



## mommato5

Hope it's ok to post this here!

I have a loss site at http://angelsamongus.ipbfree.com/. It's fairly new.


----------



## TTC Catholic

I have found that www.silentgrief.com has been a good resource.


----------



## AbbeyWH

i find these podcasts from Joanne Cacciatore founder of the MISS foundation, very helpful

http://deathtalk.libsyn.com/

also:

http://www.joannecacciatore.com/links/


----------



## ChristyM26

I just found a wonderful site for families who have lost children and would like something special done. You can visit: http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/ and the instructions are there. Her pictures are beautiful.


----------



## millefleur

And of course: http://mothering.com/loss


----------



## Phoenix~Mama

I wanted to share a link to Now I lay me Down to Sleep: http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/home/

I have a friend who had a still born in her second tri and found a lot of peace through this site and volunteers with them now doing photography.


----------



## Mother Cake

I just wanted to add a book that has been incredibly invaluable to me, even though it is not specific to pregnancy & infant loss. It's called Grieving, A Beginner's Guide and it's by a woman named Jerusha Hull McCormack. The author offers perspectives on grieving that I haven't seen anywhere else.


----------



## nony

can we sticky this? Please?


----------



## Mother Cake

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nony* 
can we sticky this? Please?

Excellent idea







.

I just checked, and it looks like a link to this is already in the resource thread sticker.


----------



## nony

oh, great!


----------



## Snugglebugmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jet1295mamajenn* 
We registered our baby at the Shrine of the Holy Innocents. They keep a "book of life" where the babies' names are listed, and they send you a certificate via email. There is a special Mass just for the babies in the book, I think once a month. You don't have to be Catholic to register (we are, but it's not necessary!). It's just nice to know that someone else is remembering your baby regularly. I'll try the link, but the pop-up keeps being blocked. You might have to cut & paste.
www.innocents.com. Look in the left margin and you'll see a link for the Shrine for Children Who Died Unborn.

JET


Thank you for this link. I registered my baby there, I named him by myself. DH has been an absolute @ss lately, and I did not want him to ruin this for me as well. I named my baby, who I had a feeling right off the bat was a boy, Alexander Sylvester. Alexander after my sister, and Sylvester because his due date was New Years Eve. I received the certificate as an attachment in a email, and it gave me a certain sense of closure.


----------



## MrsMike

Has anyone mentioned Triplet Butterfly Wings yet? She releases Monarch butterflies in memory of little ones. She takes a picture of each butterfly and will include a dedication of you'd like. My baby's butterfly was just released the other day. Here it is:
http://tripletbutterflywings.blogspo.../07/river.html

I just registered River at the Shrine of the Holy Innocents. Thank you for sharing that.


----------

