# MIL took nude pics of ds!!



## chiro_kristin (Dec 31, 2004)

How can I handle this?

MIL came to visit a few weeks ago (her first time seeing ds, at 13 months). She took lots of pictures of him. Apparently she took some pics of him when he was having nakey time, because she sent us copies of some of them.

Now I have some naked pictures of my son, and I don't really mind her having one, but she lives in Seattle and I don't really want her having lots of them (I don't know how many there actually are), and I really don't want her showing those pictures to people! She doesn't understand this. She thinks it is fine. After all, she gave us a whole album of dh from infancy to about age 4, and there were pictures of him in the album at about age 4, peeing into the toilet, and you can see his penis. Apparently, that's cute to her.

How can I express to her how important it is that she keep these pictures private?


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## ellacy (Mar 15, 2006)

Yikes! I'm fine w/ dd having nakey time or even taking pics if she's being cute (oh wait, that's always







) but, I, too feel uncomfortable sharing that outside the family.

Maybe you could just be honestly blunt - I'm sure you didn't know we are uncomfortable with naked pictures of Child being shared, but we think that type of picture should stay private. Would you please consider putting them away (or returning them to you)?

Seems like some humor or lightheartedness would be good, but I tend to just say it how it is. Maybe end with a comment that you've got some recent pictures of Child doing such&such that you'd love to send her way.

ellacy


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## Joannarachel (Dec 10, 2005)

Send her an email telling her that the naked pictures are not to be shared and that she should refrain in the future from taking any further unclothed pictures of your son.

It's one thing for a parent to take tubby pictures, and quite another thing for anyone else to do it.


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

I think this is such a generational thing. Our generation lost our innocence in a way. I'm totally with you, though. I'd be pissed as hell if I found out mil had naked pictures of my kid. I just think that their generation doesn't understand why we feel so upset and appalled by this stuff. I don't know how to explain it, though.


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## nonnymoose (Mar 12, 2004)

Be careful with this one!
My parents have taken quite a few naked photos of my sons, as they spend quite a bit of time watching them for us and there's always bathtime, running around the backyard in and out of the wading pool, those sorts of situations. I feel comfortable because A) the photos are digital (so no pervert at the photo developer's can get hold of them) and B) they're not posting them on the internet. In your situation, it sounds like something similar - sounds like she thought they were cute photos and wanted to share them with you. I agree with the PP that it's a "times have changed" thing. I wouldn't come down too hard on her.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

I would be honest with her and show her some of the freaky things people do with baby photoes, like the diaper fetish site. Then ask her for her grandson's privacy and safety make sure no one else gets a copy of naked photos. Also you might want to mention that people get really touchy about this and sex abuse. She might not be aware people have been harrasses for nursing photoes as sex abuse much less other simple pictures.


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## wifty (Aug 16, 2006)

And maybe mention to her that now-a-days, showing them to people that even she trusts, could make them feel uncomfortable. She might think they are cute, but people are so guarded about naked children photos that she could be sending out a bad vibe to others unintentionally.

I think its also a generation thing, but I would feel uncomfortable knowing that there were naked pictures of dd in anyone elses possesion. Hubby and I are even very careful not to have very naked pictures.....limited exposure.

Its also about privacy of your child. We teach children that they have a right to their body and keep it private, but then take naked photos that they have had no say in. I think that sends mixed messages.

I know a baby can't consent.....but it is our duty as parents I believe, to keep their privacy intact.

with smiles


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## mamaverdi (Apr 5, 2005)

I would ask her where she is getting them developed because she might get reported to the police. I agree: it's a generation thing...


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## indeospero (May 23, 2005)

Wow, I feel really out of it.







I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.


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## hottmama (Dec 27, 2004)

Well, personally, I don't have an issue with naked pics of my boys being shared with others, and I don't think it's a generational thing (I'm 22). But if it bothers you, just tell her that it bothers you.


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## homemademomma (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *indeospero* 
Wow, I feel really out of it.







I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.

it doesnt bother me at all. that being said, you need to do what feels right to you!


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## myhoneyswife (Apr 30, 2005)

Wow, this must be a generational thing. I was thinking that we were totally off the wall, but DH and I have decided no nakey pictures of our kids, because we really don't know what their wishes will be when they're older. If they want to do nakey pictures as adults, so be it







but for now we're trying to protect their innocence as much as possible. My parents think I'm nuts for sure, there are all sorts of nakey pictures in my baby book, up til maybe age 5? And my grandma had a picture of me, age 3 or so, nakey on the toilet and reading a book framed in an 8x10 in her bathroom!

We've actually taken it one step further and don't allow anyone to change my babe's dipers or give her a bath besides DH or I. Just the same thing, when she's 12 will she be embarassed that grandma or grandpa saw her nakey? I guess our generation (I'm 23) has really been stripped of innocence, isn't that sad?

Well, I guess I'm glad to know we're not the only family paying attention to this.

Cara


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## AugustineM (Mar 21, 2005)

I don't think anyone has taken nakey pictures of DS (other than us) but it wouldn't bother me if my mom or MIL did. Anyone further than the family from that might bother me.

Then again nakedness in general doesn't bother me at all really. DS runs around naked, even when other people are here, and we shower and bathe together all the time as a family. I don't know if that makes a difference, but it sounds like a comfort level thing, not necessarily generational.


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## Ambyrkatt (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *indeospero* 
Wow, I feel really out of it.







I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.

Me either. I do take naked pics of my son from time to time, but not all that often. I know that MIL has also taken a few when he's been at her house. Neither of us post them to the web and they are all digital, so they aren't being developed where someone can keep copies for themself. I don't see what the big deal is.

There were naked bath and pool pictures of me when I was little (under 2) and I was never embarassed by them. I wouldn't take nakey pics of a kid older than about 2, though....then it starts to get a little odd, IMO.

Of course, if YOU are not comfortable with it, then by all means, let your MIL know that it's not ok with you. She needs to respect your wishes since you are the parent.


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## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

even if you mil thinks it's fine to share naked photos of your ds with others, she needs to respect your wishes on the matter. it is not up for debate. i think it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask her not to share the photos with others, and you don't even have to give her a reason for it if you don't want to. however, it might compel her just a little bit to know about child pornography and fetish sites. it's horrible. as pp's have mentioned, our generation has definitely lost our innocence, there are so many things that we as mothers nowadays have to consider that a few generations ago weren't even given a thought.

so sad.


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## hottmama (Dec 27, 2004)

Oh, and I just remembered that my friend took naked pics of my 3.5 yr. old and my friend's 3 yr. old when they were running around at his house (after they played in the backyard fish pond and got tossed in the tub!) He emailed me the pics, which I found adorable. It was our friend's birthday party and none of the 10 or so adults there (from 20-45) had an issue with the naked boys running wild.
I think this is a personal issue, not a generational one. I love naked babies!


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## afishwithabike (Jun 8, 2005)

I don't do it because of the respect factor for the children. Does that make sense?


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## jstar (Jul 22, 2004)

i must be really relaxed because it wouldn't bother me at all. there is a huge difference between sexually explicit photos and naked babies running around. (most photo developers have a policy against sexually explict child photos by the way....not run of the mill naked kid photos) our society is getting so paranoid it kills me. and we wonder why our kids end up anorexic and have horrible body image







:

this is a major case of 'each to their own.' if it bothers you you should communicate that to your mil.


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

at 13 months?? Don't understand the concern at this age?

Also - don't understand why its OK to have a few pics - but not many?


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## kwren23 (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jstar* 
i must be really relaxed because it wouldn't bother me at all. there is a huge difference between sexually explicit photos and naked babies running around. (most photo developers have a policy against sexually explict child photos by the way....not run of the mill naked kid photos) our society is getting so paranoid it kills me. and we wonder why our kids end up anorexic and have horrible body image







:

this is a major case of 'each to their own.' if it bothers you you should communicate that to your mil.









:

my 16 month old spends a lot of time trying to get out of her clothing so she gets naked pics taken. i dont ever want her thinking there is anything shameful about her naked body! it might perplex me if it was a male friend taking random naked pics of my daughter, but it wouldnt bother me at all if it was MIL or my mom.


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## roisin84 (Sep 7, 2006)

It's sad that people are so afraid these days that even cute family photos of naked babies are such cause for concern







My kids spend as much time as possible naked, and it would never occur to me that family or friends taking pictures of them would be a problem. I really think the mass-media have a lot to answer for, for instilling in parents this fear of the paedophile-bogeyman hiding round every corner (and in every photo developers). We live in a culture of fear.


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## nznavo (Aug 9, 2004)

Exactly. It wouldn't bother me at all, and it's kind of depressing that it's an issue.


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## Wolfmeis (Nov 16, 2004)

I don't see the problem with nakey baby pictures?


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

I think the only problem is what could happen if they got out of her hands.

I don't have a problem with naked baby (and toddler) pictures, but I would guard them closely. If you just tell her of your concerns about weirdos that are out there these days I can't imagine her not being understanding of that concern. Especially if you own it as your concern and not so much her mistake, yk?


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I'm totally fine with nakedness BUT I have heard stories (and actually watched a true story movie about it) where parents have had their children taken from their custody after taking naked pictures to be developed. So we only take digital nakey pics that we can process ourselves.

I agree that this is a comfort level thing, not generational. I am 23 and the product of very conservative parents who barely let me be naked in the bathtub, and my little family runs around the house naked and takes family baths together all the time.


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caitlin320* 
I think the only problem is what could happen if they got out of her hands.

I don't have a problem with naked baby (and toddler) pictures, but I would guard them closely. If you just tell her of your concerns about weirdos that are out there these days I can't imagine her not being understanding of that concern. Especially if you own it as your concern and not so much her mistake, yk?

Its a baby? 13 months old?


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## OriginalGirlGamer (Jan 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *roisin84* 
It's sad that people are so afraid these days that even cute family photos of naked babies are such cause for concern







My kids spend as much time as possible naked, and it would never occur to me that family or friends taking pictures of them would be a problem. I really think the mass-media have a lot to answer for, for instilling in parents this fear of the paedophile-bogeyman hiding round every corner (and in every photo developers). We live in a culture of fear.

i agree, we have nakey pics of our son, he won't keep his clothes on! MIL has video of DH's nephews running through the yard, nekkid as can be, and I was shown the nakey pics of DH when we started dating. Every time you turn around, Dateline is showing child pervs and the rest of the media as well, so everyone is freaked out, depsite that a kid is more likely to get molested by someone they know than Mr. Weirdo Waldo down the road. Don't get me wrong, we love watching Dateline and cheering when they get tackled.....

if it bothers you that much, sure, talk to her and tell her no nakey pics on the net, and no showing nakey pics to her tea time friends. if she's a good person, she'd respect your wishes. you are the mom after all.

dunno about getting them developed, but in most places, there's a sign that says any innapropriate pics will not be developed. i have a digi-cam now, so i haven't been to a photo place in a while.


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## chiro_kristin (Dec 31, 2004)

I don't have a problem with him being naked. At all. I don't have a problem with her having naked pictures of him.

I do have a problem with strangers seeing my son naked. I am also concerned about what my son's preference would be if he were old enough to make that decision for himself. I think about what if I knew that strangers looked at pictures of me as a baby with full on leg-spread, touching myself. I wouldn't be too cool with that. I have no problems with my son exploring his body. There is one kind of funny picture where he is sitting on the couch with legs splayed, yanking on his penis with his tongue sticking out and sort of a wild look in his eyes. It's funny. But I don't think strangers need to see that.

It's home nakedness versus nakedness for the world to see. I want him to make his own decisions about what he wants to keep private, and I want to protect his right until he can make that decision himself.

Does that make sense?


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## maylea_moon (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *indeospero* 
Wow, I feel really out of it.







I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.

me too.


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## chiro_kristin (Dec 31, 2004)

I don't have a problem with her taking pictures like that. I don't see a need for a bunch of them. I just don't want her showing them around to everybody.

MIL is also Korean so sometimes it is hard to communicate with her too.


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## wifty (Aug 16, 2006)

I think this is a really interesting discussion and its interesting to see the different viewpoints.

I will revoke my earlier statement of it being generational......perhaps its more about past experience.

The older generation in general might not have the experience of the web and knowing how twisted things can get and how easy pics are to distribute. Its sad that we have to think about such things these days, but because we have to, I do have to make a choice about what will be photoed of my dd.

Also, in my experience, naked pics can get you in trouble. I had an acquaintance who developed a couple innocent pics of her 3 year old, and CPS was called. They interviewed her in her home and ended up taking her 2 youngest children cuz they said that her house was cluttered and she wasn't providing a good environment. I didn't know her well, so there might be more to the story, but it made me aware of how easy it could be to get in trouble.

with smiles


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jstar* 
i must be really relaxed because it wouldn't bother me at all. there is a huge difference between sexually explicit photos and naked babies running around. (most photo developers have a policy against sexually explict child photos by the way....not run of the mill naked kid photos) our society is getting so paranoid it kills me. and we wonder why our kids end up anorexic and have horrible body image







:

this is a major case of 'each to their own.' if it bothers you you should communicate that to your mil.

I'm with you.


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## roisin84 (Sep 7, 2006)

I'd never heard before of paedophiles getting hold of family snaps of naked kids and putting them up on child porn websites - does this actually happen much?


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## Nora'sMommy (Mar 19, 2006)

Wouldn't bother me one bit either. In fact, I think I take the most pics of dd nakey! She's so cute.....she looks just like a "cupie doll" I love it and want a way to remember it and show her.

There is definitely an age where this would need to stop before it's inappropriate but that age is certainly not anywhere below 2.


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *afishwithabike* 
I don't do it because of the respect factor for the children. Does that make sense?

makes sense to me


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## Tinas3muskateers (May 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *indeospero* 
Wow, I feel really out of it.







I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.


You arent the only one


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

If it makes you uncomfortable, then you have every right to gently let her know you would prefer she doesn't show them around. That is your right.

OTOH, I had professional nudies done of ds when he was an infant. All very discreet, no penis, just cute baby fat and heiny.

I had the best one enlarged and framed, and it hangs in the living room. Is this weird? He is on his tummy, so you can see the bump of his heiny and a little crack. Do you think people will think that's weird when they come in my living room? Please tell me honestly. I didn't give it a second thought.

We also had the photographer take breastfeeding photos, but they are in our bedroom. She was great, she spent the day at our house and took some nice photos.


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## Ambyrkatt (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
OTOH, I had professional nudies done of ds when he was an infant. All very discreet, no penis, just cute baby fat and heiny.

I had the best one enlarged and framed, and it hangs in the living room. Is this weird? He is on his tummy, so you can see the bump of his heiny and a little crack. Do you think people will think that's weird when they come in my living room? Please tell me honestly. I didn't give it a second thought.

We had professional ones done too. He is laying on his tummy next to a little bathtub and has a rubber ducky with him. You can't see his penis, only his cute little butt. We have the pic framed and in our living room, too. MIL also has a copy, but I can't remember where she put hers....she has so many pics of DS on her walls that it's hard to keep track.


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## LizaBear (Feb 1, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *roisin84* 
I'd never heard before of paedophiles getting hold of family snaps of naked kids and putting them up on child porn websites - does this actually happen much?

Go ask all the mamas who were affected byTHIS photo-stealing issue. You'll have to read the oldest threads to get the idea.


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## PajamaMama (Dec 18, 2004)

Since your MIL's first language isn't English, I'd have dh talk to her about why it makes you uncomfortable. If it bothers you, you have a right to say so!


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

It never occured to me to be worried about this issue! We have so many pictures of DD, she's playing naked in a crate as I type this







The child is naked all the time. We do have her put on undies if someone other than my mom is over but I have all kinds of pictures of her playing naked. My favorite is her in red boots and nothing else picking flowers in the garden, it's taken from behind so you just see chubby toddler bum







I also have professional pictures of her laying on her tummy with her nakey bum showing.


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *roisin84* 
I'd never heard before of paedophiles getting hold of family snaps of naked kids and putting them up on child porn websites - does this actually happen much?

I've heard of it, so to my understanding, yes, absolutely. Of course I could be mistaken. But you can't be too careful. (At least, that's my approach.)


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
OTOH, I had professional nudies done of ds when he was an infant. All very discreet, no penis, just cute baby fat and heiny.

I had the best one enlarged and framed, and it hangs in the living room. Is this weird? He is on his tummy, so you can see the bump of his heiny and a little crack. Do you think people will think that's weird when they come in my living room? Please tell me honestly. I didn't give it a second thought.

We also had the photographer take breastfeeding photos, but they are in our bedroom. She was great, she spent the day at our house and took some nice photos.

I don't think that's weird at all. Lots of people get professional tushie shots of their babies.


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## fireshifter (Sep 2, 2005)

Growing up, my grandmother had a picture of my brother and I (ages 2 and 4) standing on a plush chair and looking out the window. It's a full shot of our nude backsides and it was blown up to life-size and was in her bedroom. As a small child I was embarrased by it, but now I think it's hilarious.

I have some nude pictures of DS on a photo-sharing site (password protected) for my parents because they live far away and get a kick out of the 50 or so photos I post each week. Maybe one or two front shots when he was a little tiny baby, but mostly side and back shots.

But that's just me...







:


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## chiro_kristin (Dec 31, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PajamaMama* 
Since your MIL's first language isn't English, I'd have dh talk to her about why it makes you uncomfortable. If it bothers you, you have a right to say so!


Ah, dh doesn't speak Korean any better than me.







But I do agree that dh should talk to her about it, not me. But when it comes to his mom, he never says anything against her, so I'll cross my fingers this time.

Okay, what I'm getting from the latest comments is that naked butts are okay. To be honest, that makes me a lot more comfortable. I'm not comfortable with penis pictures being shown.


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## xenabyte (Jul 16, 2004)

Just saw this thread and FYI, my sister works at a photo lab, and she was developing some 'bath time' baby photos of my son, and the washcloth had floated a bit to the side, and showed a tiny bit of penis...but other than that, it was a cute baby in bubbles pic.

She later told me that it was a good thing she was developing them for me, not a stranger, because by law, if there are ANY naked photos of children, they are supposed to report you to child services for possible 'porn' issues...Like seriously, just innocent bath photos or the classic 'naked butt' while on a rug/blanket thing. I guess if you are having them done professionally (nakie on a blanket thing) it's not considered the same way?!?!?!?

Anyway, just so you know, if you take them in to be developed, you might be getting a CPS call or worse, police at your door!

I'm scared to have any naked butt photos at all now, digital or else!!


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