# Christian Women Dealing With Miscarriage



## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

It's been one week since my most recent miscarriage and I'm fighting to remain hopeful about the future and God's promises. This last pregnancy was brief...from the time of BFP to bleeding was only 6 days and I was unable to control my fear of losing this baby for about 5 of those 6 days.









I have been reading Supernatural Childbirth and I find that it doesn't address how to cope when things don't happen supernaturally. This book has made me feel a bit inadequate........that my level of faith isn't high enough and maybe that's why I've had 2 miscarriages. Does anyone else feel this way about this book?

Please tell me how you've strengthened your faith after multiple miscarriages.


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## soccermominsd (Feb 8, 2006)

Allowing myself to feel angry, disappointed, hurt, ashamed, whatever I may be feeling and trusting I need to go through the whole gambit of feelings to process this loss; and telling God just how I feel. Knowing God is in control and loves me AND these children beyond anything I could imagine. Trusting it was not this little one's time on earth but he/she is resting peacefully with our Lord.

Not understanding or pretending to understand the WHY's. Surrendering to God's perfect will even if it doesn't make sense to me. Because in retrospect I see His loving hand in my life even when it looked darkest and He brought me through it.

I do not know this book you speak of, I am sorry it is relaying a message that imparts a feeling of inadequacy...that is a bunch of hooey.

You will conceive when it was meant. Remember Abraham & Sarah.

BTW, I too am going through a current m/c.

I wish you peace.


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## tripleblessed (Mar 21, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss and totally understand your feelings. I am a born again Chrisitian and struggled a lot with all the "whys" of my two losses. Just keep going directly to God with all your feelings and emotions...no matter what they may be. He wants to be our best friend and we should talk to him just like one of our earthly friends...and don't forget to ask for His perfect peace. I also tried not to question God...because once we start to do that the enemy has his way with our thoughts. Don't question and just trust and have Faith in Him...that He loves you...His child...and He is a Faithful God! All things work together for His Glory and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

I will be praying for peace for you.


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## fallriverfox (Nov 16, 2006)

I don't have much to add, I think that the previous posters expressed my thoughts perfectly. I just want to add my support and prayers as well









Peace and comfort for you.


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## mizznicole (Feb 13, 2007)

I have had only 1 m/c and don't know the book you're reading. But one thing that might help - look at all the places in the Gospel and NT where suffering is talked about. Hebrews and 1 Peter come to mind...God allows his most beloved children to suffer - especially his own Son! ("He learned obedience through the things that he suffered.") And think of what Paul says - "I fill up what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ." Jesus wants to meet you in your suffering. No one on earth will ever experience what you have. For me, it is very personal to see Jesus on the cross and see me and my specific pain with him there. And more than that, to know that he will use what I have gone through to be a comfort to others by His grace.

Peace be with you.


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## Stayseeliz (Jul 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *soccermominsd* 
Allowing myself to feel angry, disappointed, hurt, ashamed, whatever I may be feeling and trusting I need to go through the whole gambit of feelings to process this loss; and telling God just how I feel. Knowing God is in control and loves me AND these children beyond anything I could imagine. Trusting it was not this little one's time on earth but he/she is resting peacefully with our Lord.

Not understanding or pretending to understand the WHY's. Surrendering to God's perfect will even if it doesn't make sense to me. Because in retrospect I see His loving hand in my life even when it looked darkest and He brought me through it.

This says so much about what I went through with my two miscarriages last year. My first one was also very quick and it was the most horrible week of my life. The one thing that got me through it was knowing that God loved my baby even more than I did and that He knew that baby intimately and had everything under control.

Let yourself grieve, cry and be upset. Jesus wept and was sad when His friend died. It's totally normal to feel grief at this time. It's overwhelming at times, I know. Don't be afraid to ask others for help and let them know you're hurting. It's okay to be sad.

Also I'm not sure what you're going through physically but don't be afraid to seek medical advice. I was told that no one would touch me until I'd had 3 miscarriages. After my 2nd I told my OB that I wanted to figure out what was going on because I wasn't sure I could handle another one. They figured out what was wrong fairly quickly and I was able to get and stay pregnant. Get the medical attention you need if you feel you do!

Have hope. I think that's one of the most important things at this time. Have hope in God and your body. That you can and will conceive at the right time.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know it's so hard.


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## rubygirl (Aug 21, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss.

When I had my miscarriage, the hardest thing for me to grasp was why God would allow me to become pregnant (after trying for over 2 yrs) and then allow me to miscarry. Through prayer and many talks with friends in my church family, I came to the conclusion that I don't understand it all. I don't understand it any more than I understand why little children die, or why the innocent suffer. But I trust Him, and I bow before His mystery. I trust Him b/c of what I have seen Him do, both in His Word and in my life personally. I believe that He is present in my suffering. There is something about suffering that comes through miscarriage that clarifies our perspective...all the unimportant things in life seem to fade away. For me, that clarity allowed me to see my Lord as I had never seen Him before.

I guess my point (?) is that I came up short every time I tried to reason through my circumstances with logic and the "wisdom" of our society. I had no choice but to cling to my Lord in faith, and trust that He would deliver me safely home. Spending time reading the Psalms helped me immensely. Journaling helped me make sense of my journey as well.

I am praying for you. Peace be with you.


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## mommyfied (Jun 25, 2007)

I found a lot of comforting things written in this blog...
http://bethany.preciousinfants.com/c...cy%20Loss.aspx

The entry "trusting the Lord with my miscarriage" has some interesting points that gave me comfort. I enjoyed reading her blog because it was written from the point of view of a Christian and I think it did help me come to peace with my own loss.


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Thank you to everyone for your wise words. I have felt many of the things that you speak about....such as wondering why I even became pregnant at all & learning to become more comfortable with telling God ALL of my feelings.

I do feel that God is working in my life through these losses, but on those really tough days I find myself overwhelmed.

I pray that we all find peace.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Thanks for starting this discussion.

I don't think that my miscarriages are a product of lack of faith. Bad things happen to good people all of the time, to faithful people all of the time. Am I a good, faithful person? A struggling one, but yes, I really try.

This is part of the burden of life. We have never been promised a life without pain here on earth. And God is not a fairy godmother, handing out wishes. We do not know why we walk this path, but He surely does.

My faith has been strengthened throughout our miscarriages, but not due to my own efforts. I guess that is a mysterious blessing of this experience.

The Old Testament is what has spoken to me in times of deepest pain. Maybe it's that faith is illustrated in such clear ways, among people who were truly suffering. We are not alone.

I found a book when I wasn't looking for it, perhaps it was divine intervention? It is "Moments for Couples Who Long for Children". The author's perspective really has brought me more peace. It may be more up your alley than the book you are currently reading. It's available at www.Navpress.com. Search for "Ginger Garrett". It's from a strongly Christian perspective, written by a woman who struggled with infertility.

I too will keep you in my prayers.


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## widdlelou (Feb 28, 2006)

I'm a born again Christain as well, and I've grown up in the church being a pastor's kid and now a deacon's wife. I should know faith and all of that, I don't doubt God per se but I do grapple sometimes with all that happens in our lives. When I had my miscarriage in Feb, the first day I thought. Man... my faith must be strong b/c right now I'm not angry with God. I actually was on the phone with my uncle (another pastor) and said that. And then about 2 days later it all hit me and I felt angry with God and then guilty about feeling angry and not undrestanding. My husband went to the Bible and found such comfort there and I felt nothing but anger about that. *I* was the one hurting. So why did HE feel comfort from God. I felt abandoned by God. I felt when I first started bleeding and I fell to my face pleading to God to save my baby that he turned his face from me. I literally cried out to God and what! the baby died. It was early on like you. So I couldn't even pray anymore. And I felt horrible about it. ANd I knew that he didnt' turn away but I think that felt better to think that somehow.

And then I went to the bookstore and I found a book (luckily it didn't make me feel like it was my lack of faith) but it brought me to one piece of scripture that has helped and that was in Psalm 77. David, being a man of God's own heart is one of the Faith hall of famers, and after his baby son died he even cried out to God?? Have you forgotten to be merciful??? I cried out to you? He even wondered if his love vanished from him. THis is DAVID! God's chosen. If he felt distress like that, if he could doubt and God still loved him then there was hope for me. And hope is what we need in times like these. And then later I realized that God did answer my prayers. I prayed for God to take care of my baby, so save it and He did, not here they way I wanted it but there with Him, and what really could be better. I know it in my heart, its hard for me and it doesnt' fully take away the pain and the sting of loosing a baby or, my goodness two. God gave us our emotions, as Christians we have emotions, the entire gammet of them. And anger and sarrow and pain and even depression, those are all God given. And let me tell you. God is not a punitive God. If he was, then he woudl be no different the the other "gods' out there. He is a loving God. One that watches over even the least of us, even the birds of the air, so let me reassure you it was not by a lack of faith that you lost your baby, and whoever is to tell you that or write that is blassfaming. That is not the God of the Bible, and I"m a bible believing Christian. And often in our disbelief and our weakness do we grow in Christ b/c I think God often works in our brokeness. If you need another example read 1 Kings 19, when Elijah is afraid for his life after ticking off Jezabel and gets tired from running and lays down and asks God to take him he was ready to die. THsi is Elijah!!! He ahd been fed by ravens, talked to God, angles visit him the guy who doesn't die but gets taken up by a charriot of fire and he got tired and broken and what happens. God is there to pick him up, not to say WHAT! you of little faith I'm threw with you buster.

I know I'm sorry for going on and on, but I have very little patients for people who make Christians feel this way. Its wrong. Have faith, but know even during your lack of faith and lack of strength is when God is there to pick you up and carry you the most.

I'm so sorry for you loss and I hope you find some peace soon.


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## noah's mom (Jan 3, 2006)

I don't have much to add, I think the pp's have been right on - but one additional thing that has really helped me recently (as I passed the due date of my angel last Thursday, and God has blessed me with this current pregnancy) is that the baby I lost is with Him right now. For whatever reason, God wanted this one to be with Him from the beginning and never have to know the sorrow and pain that come along with life in a fallen world. And I take comfort from knowing that part of my family is already waiting to welcome me in heaven!


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Amanda** 









I found a lot of comforting things written in this blog...
http://bethany.preciousinfants.com/c...cy%20Loss.aspx

The entry "trusting the Lord with my miscarriage" has some interesting points that gave me comfort. I enjoyed reading her blog because it was written from the point of view of a Christian and I think it did help me come to peace with my own loss.

This blog is very inspiring! I especially enjoyed the post titled "Answer to a Question." She discusses why some women blame themselves after miscarriage.......and how some Christian books/websites make women feel guilty because they only discuss that if you believe enough and command the body in Jesus' name that miscarriage will not happen. I know Godly women who have done this and still miscarry.

I'm SO glad you referred me to this site! She shares my point of view.


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## mommyfied (Jun 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Whittliz* 
This blog is very inspiring! I especially enjoyed the post titled "Answer to a Question." She discusses why some women blame themselves after miscarriage.......and how some Christian books/websites make women feel guilty because they only discuss that if you believe enough and command the body in Jesus' name that miscarriage will not happen. I know Godly women who have done this and still miscarry.

I'm SO glad you referred me to this site! She shares my point of view.









I enjoyed that entry too. I had forgotten about that one, but it perfectly addresses what you were talking about.


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## labortrials (Aug 7, 2007)

On Sunday we baptised my Goddaughter. It was a tough day, but a blessing none the less. I've been struggling with God lately. I've been angry; I've pleaded with him; I've been selfish.

Then God spoke into my heart. One of the readings was:

_Heb 12:5-7, 11-13

Brothers and sisters,
You have forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as children:
"My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord
or lose heart when reproved by him;
for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines;
he scourges every son he acknowledges."
Endure your trials as "discipline";
God treats you as sons.
For what "son" is there whom his father does not discipline?
At the time,
all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain,
yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who are trained by it.

So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees.
Make straight paths for your feet,
that what is lame may not be disjointed but healed._

And the gospel reading reminded me why I should not lose faith:

_Lk 13:22-30

Jesus passed through towns and villages,
teaching as he went and making his way to Jerusalem.
Someone asked him,
"Lord, will only a few people be saved?"
He answered them,
"Strive to enter through the narrow gate,
for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter
but will not be strong enough.
After the master of the house has arisen and locked the door,
then will you stand outside knocking and saying,
'Lord, open the door for us.'
He will say to you in reply,
'I do not know where you are from.
And you will say,
'We ate and drank in your company and you taught in our streets.'
Then he will say to you,
'I do not know where you are from.
Depart from me, all you evildoers!'
And there will be wailing and grinding of teeth
when you see Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob
and all the prophets in the kingdom of God
and you yourselves cast out.
And people will come from the east and the west
and from the north and the south
and will recline at table in the kingdom of God.
For behold, some are last who will be first,
and some are first who will be last."_

God tests those whom he loves. He's preparing us to be the kind of people he wants to hang out with in Heaven. I believe it really is that simple. Did we miscarry because of our lack of faith? I can't answer that question, but I can't imagine that to be true. Abraham, Sarah, and David are all wonderful examples of people whom He loved that were tested beyond measure.

I'm still praying selfishly. I WANT A BABY. I WANT TO CONCIEVE THIS NEXT CYCLE. I say "God willing", but I don't know if I mean that. I WANT MY BABY TO BE BORN AT A TIME THAT'S CONVENIENT (summer when I'm off work) AND BEFORE OUR DD IS "TOO OLD" (she's currently 2-1/2). Me me me. I have a hard time being humble in prayer. I feel like I'm faking it. God knows our deepest desires, so I lay it out there. Not to excuse my selfishness, but it is the reality of my situation.

I have been lead though into advocacy work through this torturous adventure. I have found a calling, I believe. Perhaps that's why I "had" to miscarry was to show me this path towards helping other people. My work will continue to test me daily. I have to believe it is what He intends, and I thank Him for this clarity. And I know my baby is among his best-loved (if there is such a hierarchy in Heaven).

Prayers to you all.

My mom sent me "Streams in the Desert". Perhaps we can start some sort of devotional thread for those that are interested and in need of spiritual encouragment? What do y'all think?


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## sarahtar (Mar 19, 2004)

I agree with much of what the PP's have said.

I read online a few weeks ago this comment, told to a person posting at the message board where I was reading, and it helped me a lot.

"This is not heaven; this is Earth. And horrible, unfair, unjust, unspeakable, unexplainable tragic things happen here. If they didn't, that would be wonderful. But then this would be heaven, not Earth. One day, we WILL have heaven, but for right now, all we have is Earth."

It helps me with the "why" question. Why? We don't know. We just know that bad things happen sometimes.

It has been helpful to me while experiencing two miscarriages within 6 months to remember that God's plan and timing is perfect. I don't always understand it, but I don't have to understand it. He knows the why. I don't.


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## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

Just one little thing I felt lead to add to all of the wonderful things you all have said.

I too wondered why God would fulfill my greatest wish of becoming pregnant when I had finally come to peace with waiting for awhile. I thought, why would God allow me to get pregnant and then take that baby away? What was even the point?

I realized that even though I never saw my baby, he was a REAL PERSON not just to me, but to God. And as a Christian I believe that no man returns to heaven without fulfilling Gods plan for their lives. Even though my baby died without ever meeting anyone face to face he had still accomplished Gods will! I can't tell you how much this touches my heart... and when I think of all that I learned and felt while I was pregnant, I know this is true. He changed MY life and that means that his life meant so much, as short as he was with us.

There is a song called "Sons and Daughters" by a Christian man named Jason Upton and in it it says "Every word sent down from heaven does not go back up until it's succeeded in what it's sent to do. Do you know you are a word from heaven?" This goes for our babies too.

Blessings and prayers for all of you mamas.


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## jl22martin (Apr 29, 2006)

When my son was stillborn I kept wondering why. I know God loves me and he didn't do this to hurt me. But I know that he did this for a reason. I just can't believe that there wouldn't be a reason. Maybe it's that you'll get to witness to another woman whose gone or is going to go through this. All we can do is trust in God, which is the meaning of faith, as hard as it is. I find myself thinking about Job " the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh let the name of the Lord be praised".
I found it helpful to read my Bible. Sometimes I had to read several passages to start to feel better but it helped keep me connected to God. And I definitely am happy to know that my son is in heaven, happy and joyful. I'm anxious for our reunion!


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

I guess I feel a little differently. I don't think God took my baby or needed my baby. We do live on earth and bad things happen to good people. Why? BEcause bad things happen to all people. I don't believe God caused my baby to die, but I do believe that God got me through the pain and the heartache and the grief. The most comforting thing to me was that God himself lost a child, and He knows what it is like. Don't forget the Beatitudes :"Blessed are those who mourn, for htey shallb e comforted." ANd that is what I felt. Comforted by God, by friends and family and by prayers. I still miss my little girl and wish she were here with me, but if she can't be with me, there is nowhere else I would rather have her be.
Gossamer


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

I'm so glad that all of you have shared your thoughts. I recently started 30 days in the Psalms and it has really brought comfort to me. I have been so peaceful in the last 2 weeks......I think I finally made up my mind to get with God in my own way and ignore the books that seem to "know" everything.

moodyred01: I especially enjoyed your comment about how your loss has changed your life and that your babies had purpose. I see that more and more. I also have an insane amount of pride in my pregnancies.


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

I haven't read the other replies yet, but I can relate (haven't read the book though). It wasn't until the middle of my second loss (after trying for a while, no children yet) that the pain, anger, bitterness, resent, and terrible heartache brought me to my knees. I literally fell to the ground, buried my face and wept, crying out to God. (Sometimes I laugh about how I must have looked like an illustration from the Bible...but then again, there's nothing new under the sun...) It was "rock bottom" for me, in a way, as I've grown up a Christian and never really had a "turning point" or a time where I can say, "I became a Christian after such-and-such" or something like that. I mean, my first miscarriage was heart-wrenching. I cried curled up in bed for DAYS. I felt so empty (in many ways) and almost like a fool...for having hoped, been excited, etc. But I just didn't get hit spiritually until the second time.

Anyway, I think what I wanted most were answers. Why did this happen twice in a row? Was I doing something wrong? If I wasn't supposed to have children yet (I was young...18-20...only 22 now) why wouldn't God let me know BEFORE I got pregnant? Why wouldn't he show me what I could do to save my babies?? I still haven't come to terms with certain aspects of my losses. God has done a lot of healing in the past year or so to rid me of my bitterness towards women who get and stay pregnant easily...i.e. naive women who have no idea and will never understand loss (not that I want them to, but it's hard to not have people who understand you and say unintentional but hurtful things). We're TTC again (17 months now) and I've had to repeatedly ask God to give me a peace about future pregnancies because I've done an "awful" thing and allowed myself to reach the point of thinking that my next pregnancy will surely be a miscarriage, and that I won't have another healthy term pregnancy for a while. Anyway, stuff like that.

But I didn't realize until several months after my 2nd miscarriage that even though I had to go through so much hurt from losing babies, God was making that one of my gifts. Through those trials, He allowed me to have an understanding that many women don't have, and many MORE women NEED in their own times of pain and loss. He's consistently placed other women in my life who need someone to relate to, and I'm able to talk to them and share how good God is, even throughout the awful event of pregnancy loss. And he's opened MY heart to allowing people in to help ME during some of my most vulnerable moments.

Gosh...I think I'll shut my trap (i.e. stop my hands LOL) now, as I'm getting so in to writing my little novel that I'm not even sure I'm addressing your OP. But regardless, you have my thoughts and prayers. Miscarriage is definitely a trial for Christians as it's SO hard to understand why these things happen, yet it's so important to remember that our babies are in a much better place than they'd ever be here on earth.


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## Hearts Connected (Jun 25, 2007)

I just want to thank all you mamas so much for starting this thread.
It is helping me in a big way.
I am currently going through my first miscarriage, and am feeling so many
different emotions....it's so encouraging to hear from other christian mamas
who have gone through the same thing.
I have been feeling so confused, and like this has been a weird nightmare.....I feel much more at peace when I can just stop and focus on God and know that He is holding me in His hands and that He is in control.
I am having a hard time processing my feelings, I guess I just need to give it time and keep praying.....
Anyways, thanks again mamas, and I pray for peace and healing for all of us going through this pain.


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## jl22martin (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gossamer* 
I guess I feel a little differently. I don't think God took my baby or needed my baby. We do live on earth and bad things happen to good people. Why? BEcause bad things happen to all people. I don't believe God caused my baby to die, but I do believe that God got me through the pain and the heartache and the grief. The most comforting thing to me was that God himself lost a child, and He knows what it is like. Don't forget the Beatitudes :"Blessed are those who mourn, for htey shallb e comforted." ANd that is what I felt. Comforted by God, by friends and family and by prayers. I still miss my little girl and wish she were here with me, but if she can't be with me, there is nowhere else I would rather have her be.
Gossamer

You are absolutly right! I like your view on all of this. I definitly felt closer to Him. I know that my son is in the best place possible. Thank you for your insight.


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## PrayinFor12 (Aug 25, 2007)

Just today, for the first time, I've been able to feel both gratitude and some peace about losing my little girl. I love the thought that I'll always have a baby girl. No matter what happens on earth, when I die I'll have a beautiful baby in my arms and I always will.
Of course, I may feel differently tomorrow. We all know how that is. But today, I feel calm - not numb, just calm. I'm grateful I have a daughter. It's the first in many days I'm not mad at God for hogging her.


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PrayinFor12* 
Just today, for the first time, I've been able to feel both gratitude and some peace about losing Eden. I love the thought that I'll always have a baby girl. No matter what happens on earth, when I die I'll have a beautiful baby in my arms and I always will.
Of course, I may feel differently tomorrow. We all know how that is. But today, I feel calm - not numb, just calm. I'm grateful I have a daughter. It's the first in many days I'm not mad at God for hogging her.

I'm happy that you feel this way.....even one day of this peace is a blessing.


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## PrayinFor12 (Aug 25, 2007)

Thanks, Whittliz. I think sometimes we need "sticky thoughts" toward peace about our babies, just as bad as we need "sticky thoughts" for our new pregnancies.
I'd rather have my baby than peace about her being gone, but still.


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