# Feeling guilty about daugher waking up



## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

*Hi, this is my first post, sorry it's a whiney one, but I could really use some advice/encouragement.
First----her doctors input
When my daughter was 7 months old I was told by her GI doc that she was gettting spoiled, and that I needed to let her CIO, I couldn't do this, and am so glad I didn't. I am a first time mom, and really took to heart what my daughters doctors told me (they are medical professionals/right??) Since then I have been trying so hard to get her to sleep through the night, and have been feeling like a failure because she's not. When she wakes up, she isn't crying/she screaming and quite frankly unconsolable until she's fed. Now her regular ped is in agreement with the GI doc that she's getting spoiled and as long as I offer her the bottle, she'll continue to sleep poorly, and also added that I'm not doing her any favors by not letting her cry. Since Kailey has reflux and pain from it, I just can't let her cry like that. I have expressed this, but her doctor said she's not in pain, because she's on medication for it.

next---my family's input
Kailey has always been in the room with Dh and I, first bedside in her bassinet, than with us in her tucker sling because she choked if she wasn't elevated. Now, we have the crib touching our bed with the siderail off, as it doubles as a safety gate for the end of our bed, but she prefers to sleep cuddled up to me. My family's opinion -----she needs to be in her own room in her crib, end of story.

This is my first time doing this, but from the beginning I just didn't want to have her far from me, my husband feels the same, she was a preemi, so we were both a bit nervous when we brought her home, then the choking episodes. No way was she going to be out of arms reach. I guess now I don't have a valid reason why she is still with us other than I don't want her to wake up alone and scared, and I don't think I could sleep not being able to hear her, see her.

I know of so many other parents where their babies are sleeping 12 hours straight, so I guess I'm comparing.
I'm just so tired of feeling guilty, and need some direction on how to handle the whole nighttime situation. Also wanted to add, when Kailey wakes at night, it's only for her bottle, than right back to sleep she goes. Thank you for any advice














*


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## stacey2061 (Feb 1, 2006)

go with your gut, mommy. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a 7 month old waking up for food, comfort or both









stop comparing your baby to babies who have cried it out ~ just poke around here and see how many babies and children are waking up in the night and going back to sleep with positive sleep associations (love and cuddles). by following your instincts you are doing everything right.

everyone wakes up in the night, and eventually we all learn how to put ourselves back to sleep ~ my 15.5 month old is just figuring this out, and that's early by many people's standards ~ as long as everyone under your roof is happy and healthy, then there's nothing to worry or feel guilty about. you should feel proud that you are meeting your daughter's needs at night and teaching her that nighttime isn't a time to be alone and scared in the dark







 you are doing a great job and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

by your mention of bottles, i'm guessing you don't breastfeed, but i think this wonderful article applies anyway http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

No, unfortunitally I don't breastfeed. I was told I couldn't at first because I was on b/p (eclampsia)meds and Kailey was in the nicu for 5 days. I tried and failed at relactation







: I actually gave the pump back last month.

Thank you for the link!!!


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

Needing to eat at night is very normal. My 8 month old DD nurses several times at night. We go through phases that it's only every 2-3 hours or so, and phases where it's once an hour. She has never once slept longer than 6 hours straight and hasn't done that in a long time.

You are not doing anything wrong by feeding your hungry DD. Sleeping with your DD is a wonderful natural thing. I can't imagine putting my DD in a crib, much less in another room alone. You can NOT spoil a baby with love and nurishment. You and satisfying her NEEDS. Your doctors' job is not to give you parenting advice. I'm sorry that your family is not being more supportive.

Remember, you are the mama and you know what's best for your baby. No one else gets to make those decisions for you.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

My daughter also had reflux and I'm sorry your docs aren't as sympathetic as ours were. That really sucks for you.

If she wakes up screaming and is only calmed by feeding, she's either hungry or hurting but either way she needs it. I can't see the logic in teaching her to just keep quite and suffer because she can. Why SHOULD she when you have comfort for her right there? Your instincts are there for a reason. Listen to them.

I got tired of all the "you're spoiling her" type comments so I stopped really telling people anything about my daughter's sleep or feeding habits if I thought I was going to get "helpful advice" - when anyone asked, I just said everything was fine, just great, we couldn't be happier.

Have you tried other meds? Just because she's on meds, that doesn't necessarily mean they're the right ones. My daughter went through three before we found the right one for her (Prevacid, with the occasional dose of good ol' maalox ultra for breakthrough reflux). And if you feel your doc isn't listening to you, find another one! We had a bad experience with an ortho and I'm SO glad I fired him and found another amazing doc.


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

She's on day 3 of prilosec, carafate as needed. She's been on prevacid, zantac, tagamet, and mylanta. It seems to be helping her , she's having less throwing up and pain. I'm not sure if it's pain or hunger at night...Sometimes I really wish she could tell me clearly. Thanks for the support! Sorry to hear your little one has reflux also.


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

Your baby is doing what is normal for her- she is waking up and needing you in the night. Most of the babies around here do the same. I have heard from many moms (and read from some very knowledgable dr's) that *you cannot spoil a baby*. When you respond to their needs, you are telling them that they are important, and that you will always be there for them.
If your dd is needing you, then go with your mommy instinct and respond to her. Don't let anyone else tell you not to.
She is your baby, and you have to go with what feels right to you.


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

For some perspective, my toddler was still waking up to nurse at 16 months for comfort, and my 9m old still wakes up at night to eat. Babies don't suddenly not need comfort and food because adults think it's their bedtime! You are fine, please keeping listening to your baby and your instincts, not anyone else.


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## EmsMom (Dec 13, 2001)

Oh, do keep on listening to your instincts, mama! My dd didn't sleep through the night until she was 4-1/2! Now she sleeps fine and people always make comments on how independent and kind and helpful she is. Try to imagine it was YOU who was waking up scared and lonely and maybe in pain at night. Wouldn't you want someone to hold you and comfort you? (And, you might wnat to consider firing your doctors. )


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## letniaLynne (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blsilva* 
When you respond to their needs, you are telling them that they are important, and that you will always be there for them.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *EmsMom*
Try to imagine it was YOU who was waking up scared and lonely and maybe in pain at night. Wouldn't you want someone to hold you and comfort you?

(And, you might wnat to consider firing your doctors. )

I always tell myself these things when it is the 5,6,7,8 or 10th time she has woken each night for the past 14 mths (luckly I can see the light at the end if the tunnel since we removed dairy!). My DD is also bottle fed and fed on demand day/night. My advice is to keep doing what you are doing since clearly she need you there for her at night. Your family is just going to have to understand that she is YOUR baby, they already had their chance to raise little ones now it is your turn. This is just the first in many battles, stand your ground now and it will make it easier when the next disagreements come up.







:


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## Polly3 (Sep 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blsilva* 
Your baby is doing what is normal for her- she is waking up and needing you in the night. Most of the babies around here do the same. I have heard from many moms (and read from some very knowledgable dr's) that *you cannot spoil a baby*. When you respond to their needs, you are telling them that they are important, and that you will always be there for them.
If your dd is needing you, then go with your mommy instinct and respond to her. Don't let anyone else tell you not to.
She is your baby, and you have to go with what feels right to you.









: just wanted to add to the chorus of voices here. Don't worry about what everyone else around you says. Go with your Mama instinct. Unfortunately our society is quite backwards when it comes to taking care of our babies. We've come to expect babies to sleep through the night all by themselves in a separate room with no love or nourishment from Mom & Dad from day one. That is ludicrous.


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## orangeiron (Oct 21, 2004)

Just chiming in with all the other voices.
It is so hard to be a first time mom bringing that tiny little baby home and all you really can do is follow your instinct because you are the mom and you do know what is best even if it doesn't always feel like it. And YOU ARE NOT SPOILING HER! You are fulfilling her needs. You are being her mom. The babies who are left to CIO may sleep throught th night for now, but it leads to more complex issues down the road. By listening and attending to your baby you are ensuring her self confidence by feeling she is worth your love. You are building a strong relationship with her that will last her whole life. And if she goes back to sleep after her bottle then she was hungry. Babies have smaller stomachs than the rest of us.
Don't mean to go off, I just feel so strongly on this issue.
You are doing a good job.
For perspective, my dd didn't sleep through the night til 3.5 years and now she's a great sleeper and a great kid. dd2 is still waking through the night at 11 months.
Good Luck


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## larkish (Oct 5, 2006)

Ditto to pp's.
Plus, do what makes you happy. Spoil yourself and enjoy your special quiet times with her. It's too much work to worry about spoiling her, do you pick her up, do you feed her... you and she both suffer. I like having ds close by, being able to make sure he's doing ok, breathing, etc. (plus he eats like every 2hrs though the night so rolling over and latching him on is so convenient







Clear your brain of these negative thoughts and enjoy your little one. Then when people ask "how's she sleeping?" Say "great." If you say that most of the time people don't question further. If you, your husband and baby are happy that's all that matters.


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Another one here with a 16-mo who still wakes up every 2 hours or so. So it _is_ normal, and if you're ok with it, then don't worry. However, when you say she wakes up "screaming," that makes me think that she probably is in pain, rather than hungry--the bottle probably soothes the acid a bit, which is why it settles her. Hopefully the new medicine will help; with reflux it's really crucial to get the right meds and the right dosage for her weight--the meds are very weight-sensitive, so you have to up the dose as she grows. Have you tried switching formula (from dairy to soy or a hypo-allergenic one)? Does she eat solids? (If so, you might want to pay attention to what she eats and whether it has any effect.) Elevate the HEAD of her crib, and maybe put her down on her stomach--all can help withreflux pain. Good luck and hugs--your baby's lucky to have such a great mom.

ETA: have you tried taking her to a chiropractor?? Might be good for reflux and anything else that's going on. Give it a shot.


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *XanaduMama* 
Another one here with a 16-mo who still wakes up every 2 hours or so. So it _is_ normal, and if you're ok with it, then don't worry. However, when you say she wakes up "screaming," that makes me think that she probably is in pain, rather than hungry--the bottle probably soothes the acid a bit, which is why it settles her. Hopefully the new medicine will help; with reflux it's really crucial to get the right meds and the right dosage for her weight--the meds are very weight-sensitive, so you have to up the dose as she grows. Have you tried switching formula (from dairy to soy or a hypo-allergenic one)? Does she eat solids? (If so, you might want to pay attention to what she eats and whether it has any effect.) Elevate the foot of her crib, and maybe put her down on her stomach--all can help withreflux pain. Good luck and hugs--your baby's lucky to have such a great mom.

ETA: have you tried taking her to a chiropractor?? Might be good for reflux and anything else that's going on. Give it a shot.


They have baby chiro's??? I didn't know that!! I'll have to see if there are any in the area, and research how it can help with reflux. I know getting adjusted stops my migraines etc..wow


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

Okay, I'm so "beating the dead horse" here,







but...you have those very strong insticts for a reason. You are mama and you and only you know what is best for your baby. I would strongly consider firing your doctors and finding someone is closer to your standards. My last ped. said that babies where to be worn on your hip and fed on demand 24 hours a day until they could walk totally on their own, or for at the very least, a year. Babies are meant to sleep with mama, the benefits are too many to mention. You are doing an excellent job following your instincts and loving your baby like she needs to be loved. Try to drown out all those nay sayers by reminding yourself that you have your very own set of mama instincts that apply to your baby and you are doing the right thing.









ETA: Chiropractic for little ones is wonderful and can help with the reflux. Here's a great site to learn more...
International Chiropractic Pediatric Assoc.
http://www.icpa4kids.com/ There is a link there to find a ped. chiro as well.


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## kikidee (Apr 15, 2007)

Everyone here has said it so well - *you are not spoiling her* and *go with your gut!*

I'm not a doctor and I only have one child, but I do NOT understand why so many doctors and people say that babies do not need to eat at night after x age. That is just crazy to me. If your DD wakes up and eating soothes her, why the heck can't you feed her!?!

I agree w/ what someone else says, she is probably in pain, too, if she is screaming. So I really hope the meds help!!

Your family needs to mind their Ps and Qs. YOU know what is best for your daughter. Keep it up - you are doing a great job!! You are a wonderful mama to your little one.


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## citymama (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kailey's mom* 
*Hi,
I know of so many other parents where their babies are sleeping 12 hours straight, so I guess I'm comparing.*




Those other parents are either in denial or they are outright lying. I've been at a friends' house where they did CIO and they baby still woke up. They just let the baby cry all the time.







: And if they aren't waking up and crying, they will eventually. Seriously, when those babies are 2, they will be waking up and tormenting their parents because their parents won't know what to do!

Okay, maybe this hasn't helped, but just wanted to clarify that sleeping through the night is a complete and utter myth and/or a matter of definition. Stick with your instincts!


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

For what it's worth, my DD has "slept throught the night" (7 hours+ sraight) since 6 weeks. We've been very blessed.

Having said that, she still wakes up around the 9 hr mark for a feeding (9.5 months). This is a constant. Some babies just can't go that long without food....we are more mainstream than most, but b/c of her slow weight gain, we feed her on demand, even if it's 4am or something.

Your babe will eventually sleep through, but for now, she obviously needs somtheting. We consider her to be "sleeping through the night" for 10 + hours since she goes back down after her feed with little fuss (usually - it's a 15 minute process of change diaper, feed, lay down, back to sleep).

If it's any consolation, she doesn't nap for #%$^ during the day.


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

Thank you everyone














You problably don't even know how much you've helped!!!! I'm getting ready to look at the link about chiro's next (thanks you for the link). I'm also so happy to know that I'm not alone, we're not spoiling our babies, but loving them. I was truelly staring to think I had a problem being too attached to my daughter and not wanting to leave her alone, when all along it's just my instincts and now I know it's ok to trust them about this.

answering questions lol..I don't know how to quote different ones so here we go. She's on alimentum formula (milk/soy intolorance, blood in stool, some malabsorbion probs, now resolved) she eats finger foods lunch, dinner, snacks. She can't have any cereals at all, it makes her tummy sick. I've been thinking about switching peds for a while now, but she doesn't have to go often there, she see's the GI doc the most, and we're on the last one in our county lol..but I am going to take the advice when they ask, how is she sleeping, i'm going to say fine, unless the night screaming doesn't subside, put i'll keep that short and to the point EX..she wakes up screaming IN PAIN a few times throughout the night, and if the CIO conversation comes up, I'll stand my ground. Sorry for the book everyone. anyways thanks again!


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

I will echo what everyone else has said...

YOU'RE A GREAT MAMA!! And I am
so
sick
and
tired
of
hearing
"you
will
SPOIL
a
baby"
*I*
*could*
*SCREAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Just for the record, m'friend... all three of mine were NEVER EVER laid down awake or drowsy. I rocked/cuddled/nursed all of them to sleep for every single nap and every single bedtime. I fed on demand - middle of the night, whenever. After all, I'm a parent 24 hours a day, not just during the day. And I co-slept.

I can assure you that when I sent my kids off to kindergarten, middle school, and high school, not one of them needed me to nurse them to sleep. Really - it's true. Docs may be amazed at this fact... and my 13 year old doesn't still sleep with me. Really. Give that stat to your docs. Amazing. After all, I spoiled them, right???

You are doing a phenomenal, perfect, amazing job!!!!!!


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## jennybean0722 (Jun 19, 2006)

Hi momma, just thought I'd give you hugs and let you know that you are definitely not alone. I have good friends of mine (and mind you they are very mainstream!) who have fed/and feed their babies at night with formula. AND they slept with their babies too. It surprised the hell out of me! I am so glad that they do this









My DS is 9 mo and is in no way close to sleeping through the night. He sometimes wakes up crying inconsolably at night, but honestly, I don't think my baby has gi probs....he just gets scared and can't see and wants to find mommy and daddy right away...fast! Every once in a while I get a 4-5 hour stretch and it is HEAVENLY.


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## Kat's Mommy (Jan 2, 2006)

Go with your gut instinct Kailey's mom. DD is now 22 months, and in no way sleeps through the night. She still nurses during wakings, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, she'll sleep 4 hours straight







.

What I wanted to say was...you are not a failure for not having your child sleep through the night. Think of this long term - one day, your child will sleep through the night, and they won't need to be nursed/fed to sleep.

Here are questions I always ask myself when I'm second guessing myself
1) I don't sleep through the night...how can I expect DD to sleep through the night?

2) Will she need to be nursed/fed when she's 18 years old? Um...no.

3) Will she learn to soothe herself back to sleep when she's 18 years old? Um...yes.

And for #2 and #3...if she doesn't then we'll have issues to deal with







.

I know...a bit extreme, but sooo true.

Hugs to you Mama!


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## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

i agree with all the pp. you sound like a very loving,caring and intuitive mama. keep going with your instinct and love up that baby! p.s. all my babaes woke up in the middle of night several times until they were 3-4 years old. Im so glad they sleep with us there have been times where they could have choked or were scared and was glad to be there right away to comfort/care for them


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## mf_colon (Oct 6, 2006)

Listen, there is plenty of time in life when the child will sleep in their own beds away from mom and dad, but for now let them enjoy that feeling of being protected, coddled and loved. Your DD is _only_ 7 months!!

Forget what others are saying, go with your gut and do what you feel comfortable for YOU. If they ask, simply say that you are doing what you feel in you heart is right for your daughter.


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## apple_dumpling (Oct 20, 2004)

Stick with your mama instincts!

My dd is 26 months, and I've been told various things by her ped too... let her cry, take her off the bottle, feed her solids at 4 months







: (she wasn't even interested in solids until around 11 months)

Bottom line is that everytime I have gone with my gut. DD is a poor sleeper; she had reflux quite badly as a babe, and even know she's over 2 and still wakes a few times a night and cries - it's just her. I am always right next to her to soothe her down, and sometimes that means her having a bottle still - at over 2 years old. (I had to wean around 13 months to take medicine for a health condition)

The bottle is her comfort thing, and my instincts up to this point have said ok... now they are starting to say otherwise simply because she is getting more teeth in, and I *know* it's time for her to say goodbye to her bottle. But I can't tell you how many times the ped told me as soon as she was 12 months to cut out the bottle (I always had to pump a lot due to being ill, so she was used to the bottle from early on)

You do what you think is best for your child - that doctor does not live with your child or parent your child - you do.


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