# On this night 18yrs ago...



## whitneymum (Dec 29, 2008)

...I was in labor. I Was 18, and sort of with a boy who did not want this kicking baby inside me. I lived in a little run down duplex with a shade tree in the front dirt yard. I had been homeless during most of my pregnancy. A pregnancy plauged by a small placental abruption @ 13weeks sending me to bedrest on a friend's floor for over 2 months...of times spent in food bank lines and lying to my father for money...of calling adoption agencies and questioning what I should do. Found that old little duplex on Oct 5, signed the leaase Oct 7th and moved in and 10 days later gave birth to my son.

He was early, and small and beautiful. Nearly never cried.I knew no one, was alone just days after having him. Taking city buses with a preemie to apply for food stamps. Being spit on (literally) by rich women in stores because I was "one of those teen moms".Being told how worthless and selfish I was for keeping my son to raise. I would never be anything worthwhile. Only my dear, sweet grandmum told me how well I was doing, how prefect my boy was and how I would raise him wonderfully.

There were all those years , just he and I. Stuggling, walking to the store and carting all the groceries back in backpacks on buses in the rain, the snow and the hot sun. So many trips to hospital I stopped counting as his little lungs struggled to overcome their early entrance to the world. Holding his hand and watching his blue lips as I willed the bus to get through each light a little faster to make it to the ER. Never enough food for me..I weighed 97lbs for years and years..not for vanity..for nessecity. There was just enough money for one to eat, to have clothes and books and those precious legos every year under the Christmas tree that was always brought home on the that hateful city bus...under the glare of all the passengers as the smell of evergreen filled our noses and my boy and I sang carols until our stop under the streetlight in front of our walk up apartment. Snuggling together with a nebulizer between us in... late at night listening to the traffic and whispering fairy tales until his breathing slowed and steadied.

I asked my boy what he remembers of all our years...not how tiny our little apartment was, not the struggles or the late night bus rides that I fretted over. He remembers how fun it was to live over a cafe with cinnamon rolls so that our bedroom smelled so good saturday mornings..not the fear and worry of the phone being turned off..but the fun we had playing cars and building legos..not the lack of any family but us..but walks to the park.

Tomorrow my dear son will be a man..from that scared moment I gave birth to him to this night here in our own home, with his dad who's name he now carries (he adopted him) to his two little brothers who think the sun rises with his silliness and love to hear him play guitar(which he is now in the other room) ...here we are.

I did it.

We made it.

all the worry, all the tears..all the doubt..

He is whole, and happy and heading to college next fall. He is handsome and loving...he brings joy to so many.

I am blessed beyond measure.

My boy will be 18 @ 8:27 tomorrow morning.

every moment worth it..every single one.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

heartwrenchingly lovely. Thank you for sharing that.


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## srs (Nov 8, 2007)

Happy Birthday to your son and to you.


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## bajamergrrl (Nov 24, 2008)

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing that beautiful story. Happy birthday (birth day) to you both!


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## Kerlowyn (Mar 15, 2002)

Thank you for that.... it was beautiful....









Happy Birthday to your son, and your birth as a mother...!


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## maritimemum (Aug 19, 2009)

thank you so so much for sharing. amazingly beautiful.. you did it mama







Happy birthday to your son!


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## Everrgreen (Feb 27, 2007)

That brought tears to my eyes - thank you for sharing your story. Happy Birthday to your boy!!


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## Shanelovr (Apr 29, 2009)

that was amazing. your ds is so lucky to have been born to such a wonderful momma. i hope i can do such wonderful things for my lo, congrats on your boys birthday.


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## Ambystoma (Mar 26, 2009)

That was a beautiful story-thank you for sharing it.


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## tracymom1 (May 7, 2008)

How amazing and inspiring! Thank you for sharing.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

Tears not only to my eyes, but down my cheeks as well. What a strong mama you are. Your son is blessed to have you. Congratulations!


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## treehugginhippie (Nov 29, 2004)

Thank you so much for sharing


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

That was beautiful and you are an amazing mamma! Thank you so much for sharing your story!


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

Congratulations. I'm sure your boy is as sweet as that story.


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## Karamom (Mar 26, 2007)

That was beautiful. Happy Birthday.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Totally choking up over here









Happy birthday to your son and to you, mama!


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## bebebradford (Apr 4, 2008)

WOW this gave me goosebumps. Bless you both.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

What an amazing history you two have, mama. Happy birthday to him, happy mama day to you, and may you both celebrate many more years as mother & son.


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Your post made me cry. A lot. You are such an inspiration, and your son is lucky to have you. Sounds like he knows that.


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## Murph12334 (Nov 12, 2003)

wow mama, you have me in tears over here!

congratulations on doing such a wonderful job with him.

Such a great story that you two share. Fro what he says he remembers of those times, you can tell how great of a job you did!


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## SimplyRochelle (Feb 21, 2007)

Made me teary. Congratulations and happy days to you both!!! You are a very talented writer.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Wow- that was amazing, thanks so much for sharing!!!


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## Chloe'sMama (Oct 14, 2008)

Beautiful, brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing.

Happy Birthday to your son.


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

Good job Mama. Happy Birthday to your son.


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## Tjej (Jan 22, 2009)

Happy Birth-day! Thank you for sharing.









Tjej


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## goodygumdrops (Jan 25, 2007)

Congrads to you. You did an amazing job














Enjoy tomorrow.


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## FnkyGreenMama (Nov 27, 2008)

What a beautiful story. I work with teen moms and I am always in awe at the strength that they display through their struggles, and at the way that motherhood transforms them. Thanks for sharing.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

That was beautiful, and beautifully written. Happy birthday to your son, and to you.


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## mamaveggie (Mar 24, 2007)

Beautiful! Happy birthday.


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## CariMara (Sep 24, 2008)

What a beautiful story, it brought many tears to my eyes. Your son is very blessed to have you as a mother, and you're very blessed to have him as a son! Thank you for sharing, I'll be thinking of you both tomorrow. Happy Birth Day!!


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## Poodge (Jun 16, 2009)

Wow! Thank you for sharing, I too am crying! Congrats mom!


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## momofmine (Jan 8, 2007)

and







at the same time!

It is sooo wonderful to hear from the other side of things (meaning having a child all grown up!). I need to be reminded often that I am going to blink my eyes and my boys will be 18 too! I am still in the fret and doubt stage! Lol!

Thank you SO much for sharing, that was beautiful!


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

Aw, you're making me cry! Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

Thanks so very much for sharing.


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## Mama Lo (May 11, 2009)

Wonderful story


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## Mary Contrary (Feb 18, 2009)

That was beautiful. Congratulations!


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whitneymum* 
...I was in labor. I Was 18, and sort of with a boy who did not want this kicking baby inside me. I lived in a little run down duplex with a shade tree in the front dirt yard. I had been homeless during most of my pregnancy. A pregnancy plauged by a small placental abruption @ 13weeks sending me to bedrest on a friend's floor for over 2 months...of times spent in food bank lines and lying to my father for money...of calling adoption agencies and questioning what I should do. Found that old little duplex on Oct 5, signed the leaase Oct 7th and moved in and 10 days later gave birth to my son.

He was early, and small and beautiful. Nearly never cried.I knew no one, was alone just days after having him. Taking city buses with a preemie to apply for food stamps. Being spit on (literally) by rich women in stores because I was "one of those teen moms".Being told how worthless and selfish I was for keeping my son to raise. I would never be anything worthwhile. Only my dear, sweet grandmum told me how well I was doing, how prefect my boy was and how I would raise him wonderfully.

There were all those years , just he and I. Stuggling, walking to the store and carting all the groceries back in backpacks on buses in the rain, the snow and the hot sun. So many trips to hospital I stopped counting as his little lungs struggled to overcome their early entrance to the world. Holding his hand and watching his blue lips as I willed the bus to get through each light a little faster to make it to the ER. Never enough food for me..I weighed 97lbs for years and years..not for vanity..for nessecity. There was just enough money for one to eat, to have clothes and books and those precious legos every year under the Christmas tree that was always brought home on the that hateful city bus...under the glare of all the passengers as the smell of evergreen filled our noses and my boy and I sang carols until our stop under the streetlight in front of our walk up apartment. Snuggling together with a nebulizer between us in... late at night listening to the traffic and whispering fairy tales until his breathing slowed and steadied.

I asked my boy what he remembers of all our years...not how tiny our little apartment was, not the struggles or the late night bus rides that I fretted over. He remembers how fun it was to live over a cafe with cinnamon rolls so that our bedroom smelled so good saturday mornings..not the fear and worry of the phone being turned off..but the fun we had playing cars and building legos..not the lack of any family but us..but walks to the park.

Tomorrow my dear son will be a man..from that scared moment I gave birth to him to this night here in our own home, with his dad who's name he now carries (he adopted him) to his two little brothers who think the sun rises with his silliness and love to hear him play guitar(which he is now in the other room) ...here we are.

I did it.

We made it.

all the worry, all the tears..all the doubt..

He is whole, and happy and heading to college next fall. He is handsome and loving...he brings joy to so many.

I am blessed beyond measure.

My boy will be 18 @ 8:27 tomorrow morning.

every moment worth it..every single one.









That is so precious. So very, very precious.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

Happy birthday to your son, and happy birthing day to you!


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## LuckyTrish (Dec 29, 2008)

That was beautiful, thank you for sharing this with us


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## Mama2Xander (Jul 3, 2004)

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. You rock









Happy birthday to your son!


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## MommyMichele (May 2, 2006)

I enjoyed your heartwarming story. It reminds me to treasure these years that will speed by so fast. Is it true that each year goes faster than the one before?


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## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

Mama, you are an inspiration and your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing.

Happy birthday to your sweet baby that is now a man.


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## coyotemist (Aug 23, 2007)

Congrats, you both sound like amazing people.

I guess I needed a good cry...sniff.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

Beautiful, wonderful - made me cry too, happy birthday to you both.


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## PlayaMama (Apr 1, 2007)

thank you for sharing this. tears here too!

and yay to tour grandmum for speaking the truth!


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

That was...wow! Thank you so much for writing such a beautiful post.

Happy birthday! Congratulations Momma!


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

Wow. Tears. Congrats to you both


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## Barefoot~Baker (Dec 25, 2008)

I'm kind of speechless, that was beautifully written, thank so much for sharing your story







Happy birthday to your son. You are a strong woman!!!


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

Beautiful way to start the day here--thank you!


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

what a wonderful triumphant story!
thank you for sharing and I am so glad to have read this.
what a great way to start my morning!!


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## Veronika01 (Apr 16, 2007)

Oh my gosh, you have me in tears! Happy Birthday to your son and mama, you did great.


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## fairymom (Sep 15, 2008)

Beautiful..thank you. you bring me hope.









Hapy birthday to your son and congratulations on "making" it.


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

OH mama...blessings to you and your boys...many hugs and CONGRATULATIONS for more than making it...for absolutely triumphing and raising a happy kid who will go on to brighten so many lives through the years...I;m so happy for you, thank you so much for your words!


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

Lovely, thanks so much for sharing!

Happy Birthday to your son!

Happy birthing day to you, congratulations!

-Melanie


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## ~ Wonderful Life ~ (Apr 14, 2009)

You are an amazing mama. Thank you for sharing.


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## kirstenb (Oct 4, 2007)

Your story made me cry- it was beautiful. It sounds like you did an amazing job raising your son. Happy birthday to you both.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Happy birthday to your son!


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## mamassong (Jan 28, 2009)

That is beautiful.


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## DivineMrsM (Dec 19, 2008)

beautifully written. Happy Birthday to your son!


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

You made me ugly cry!

Congratulations on a job well done (with your son, not making me cry)


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## intentionalmama (Aug 23, 2008)

You are an inspiration; and so is your grandmum. Happy birthday to your dear son.


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## AbigailGrace (Aug 1, 2009)

I needed your story this morning. Thanks for having the courage to share. I, too, had my first at 18. I didn't go through near as much hardship but I understood the lonliness.

You are a writer. You need to keep writing. You have a gift for it. And hug that man today for us all!


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

aw, thanks for making me all teary right before i need to go out and run errands, lol!

what a beautiful story you shared. thank you for sharing your journey with us, mama. your son is a lucky young man. i wish him a happy birthday!


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

Happy Birthday little boy!!







What a beautiful post. I was a single mom to my first for the first few years (SO tough) and he is now going on 15 years old. We've come a long way over the years.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

That was so beautiful, bittersweet, and inspiring.









Thank you so much for sharing.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

That was beautiful, mama! So much of it rang true for me, though I had my first right after I turned 19.









You are amazing! Happy Birthday to you son


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## tatangel19 (Sep 16, 2006)

As a former teenage mom who had her first at 16, I get this. My girl turned 11 a few days ago, and I cried then. I am crying now. Your story brought all those years back, and while it was the hardest thing I have ever done, I would'nt change a moment. Thank you for telling people what it's like to want someone so badly that you will do anything to keep them. Bless you and your son, and have a wonderful day.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

You have such a beautiful story! I'm tearing up . . .


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## Harmony08 (Feb 4, 2009)

I'm speechless. I will carry you story with me now forever. Thank you.


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## pink gal (Feb 27, 2008)

Your story brought tears to my eyes.

When I first read the last paragraph I thought it said "from that sacred moment" until I glanced again and realized it said scared. I'm sure it was a very scary time, but you turned it into a sacred time. To me there are few things more sacred that a mama who loves her child selflessly and unconditionally.

Thank you so much for sharing your story!


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

Thank you for writing that. It was very eye opening and beautiful. I had my first at 17 and wondered what he remembers from his younger years, the scummy apartment ? the crackers with ketchup? the food bank ? the ever absent father?
I asked him, guess what he said?

Porridge popscicles and clouds on his ceiling. That's what he remembers most.

Awesome. Thank you .

BTW, you are a wonderful writer!


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## MamaJenese (Aug 14, 2006)

Beautiful. Happy birthday to your son, Happy Birthing Day to you. I cried, I love a good cry! The word that comes to mind is triumph.


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

Oh thank you so much for posting this. Last week I sold everything I own, and got on a plane with my dd (9yo) to arrive across the country in my sisters town. I left before we were about to be evicted, and my sister so selfishly gave us a room in her home.

I don't know anybody here, I'm scared that I made a crazy mistake. . . but I keep telling my dd that it's an adventure in hopes that she sees it all wonderful and not as scary as I do.

Your post gives me hope. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing it with us all.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Thank you for sharing your amazing story and Happy Birthday to your young man. I was only 19 when I had my son who turns 18 in less than 3 mos and like you I went through a lot. Isn't it funny how the years fly by? Many of my Mama friends have younger kids and I tell them cherish the time because before you know it your babies are adults.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

OP--You really write well--you should consider writing a memoir.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trinity6232000* 
Oh thank you so much for posting this. Last week I sold everything I own, and got on a plane with my dd (9yo) to arrive across the country in my sisters town. I left before we were about to be evicted, and my sister so *selfishly* gave us a room in her home.

.

Do you mean selflessly, instead of selfishly?


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## ThoughtFullMama (Oct 1, 2009)

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful mama you are!


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

Thanks! You just reminded me of why my life matters to my children and why the hard work has been worth it.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Thank you for sharing this!


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## wondermama (May 10, 2005)

Just chiming in with all the other mamas here...you are amazing. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.


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## whitneymum (Dec 29, 2008)

Oh mamas! thank you for your wonderful comments, and tears and stories of your own.

Thank you most of all for sharing in my triumph. I had felt all those words welling up inside me the whole day, and nowhere to pour them out.

There is no one left in my life that was there 18yrs ago. My precious grandmum left this world for another six years ago.I desperatly miss her presence.

This life of ours was so full of desperation, and fantastic joy, betrayal and the deep kindness of sometime strangers.

My grandmum reminded me everytime we spoke that life is full of magic.
We are all our own journey/quest/saga/adventure..it's a fairy tale when you make it one. If I dwell on all the darkness then I loose sight of the magic..in the small places of all those storms.
When I was little there were faires in the forest behind my grandmum's house and the nightbirds called me to bed...and in the city in our tiny apartment I told the same tales..for both of us.

Thank you for being my extended family today.

I asked my son if he wanted to read what I wrote about he and I..he did. He was silent with the laptop resting on his knees, when he looked up his eyes were teary and he hugged me, remarked how far we'd come together...from that tiny apartment to our own large home...two little brothers etc. Then he scrolled down and read ALL of your beautiful comments. He couldn't believe all the birthday wishes and stories and hugs you sent to him..he said "but they don't even know me and all these people are wishing me happy birthday..wow. Can you post a thank you from me today?"

So thank you all so much from my son.

It's his tale now...my part dimishes while his is set to shine. I know he will do great things, and be a good man. He will slay dragons, and walk through dismal dark places and rescue some fair maiden..or go to college and bum around Europe and maybe find a nice girl and settle down with someday, I hope that I will be granted the gift of telling a grandchild of the faires and the city buses and we'll listen to the nightbirds together...and hopefully she'll ask about her dad and when he was young...

To all of the wonderful mothers here who have been down this path..THANK YOU. It's so rare these days to know that someone else "gets it". It makes me feel less out of place in this world.

and all the sweet mamas that are walking this road now...be brave, be strong..pm me anytime. Being on your own with a child is harder then most let on. It will be allright in the end...I can very nearly promise...there are still happy endings in this world.

bless you all this night


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## delighted.mama (Jan 29, 2003)

Very well said, mama! Brought many tears to my eyes! Truly inspiration......happy birthday to you both!


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *whitneymum* 
Oh mamas! thank you for your wonderful comments, and tears and stories of your own.

Thank you most of all for sharing in my triumph. I had felt all those words welling up inside me the whole day, and nowhere to pour them out.

There is no one left in my life that was there 18yrs ago. My precious grandmum left this world for another six years ago.I desperatly miss her presence.

This life of ours was so full of desperation, and fantastic joy, betrayal and the deep kindness of sometime strangers.

My grandmum reminded me everytime we spoke that life is full of magic.
We are all our own journey/quest/saga/adventure..it's a fairy tale when you make it one. If I dwell on all the darkness then I loose sight of the magic..in the small places of all those storms.
When I was little there were faires in the forest behind my grandmum's house and the nightbirds called me to bed...and in the city in our tiny apartment I told the same tales..for both of us.

Thank you for being my extended family today.

I asked my son if he wanted to read what I wrote about he and I..he did. He was silent with the laptop resting on his knees, when he looked up his eyes were teary and he hugged me, remarked how far we'd come together...from that tiny apartment to our own large home...two little brothers etc. Then he scrolled down and read ALL of your beautiful comments. He couldn't believe all the birthday wishes and stories and hugs you sent to him..he said "but they don't even know me and all these people are wishing me happy birthday..wow. Can you post a thank you from me today?"

So thank you all so much from my son.

It's his tale now...my part dimishes while his is set to shine. I know he will do great things, and be a good man. He will slay dragons, and walk through dismal dark places and rescue some fair maiden..or go to college and bum around Europe and maybe find a nice girl and settle down with someday, I hope that I will be granted the gift of telling a grandchild of the faires and the city buses and we'll listen to the nightbirds together...and hopefully she'll ask about her dad and when he was young...

To all of the wonderful mothers here who have been down this path..THANK YOU. It's so rare these days to know that someone else "gets it". It makes me feel less out of place in this world.

and all the sweet mamas that are walking this road now...be brave, be strong..pm me anytime. Being on your own with a child is harder then most let on. It will be allright in the end...I can very nearly promise...there are still happy endings in this world.

bless you all this night

Oh my! I was holding off up until this post.








Here come the tears.


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## PretzelMama (Apr 19, 2009)

Tears over here too. Congrats to you both!!


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## chipper26 (Sep 4, 2008)

What a bittersweet, touching story. You are very strong and an inspiration. Happy birthday to you both!


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## mlec (May 29, 2005)

I am sure there hasn't been a dry eye among any of the readers of this thread. It is so great to hear of a teen mom who didn't succumb to pressure to give up her baby. Thank you for sharing!


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## mama*pisces (Feb 17, 2008)

I couldn't read and not post.

What a strong woman you are, Whitneymum. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story, and for the reminder that this world is full of magic....you just have to keep choosing to see it....

Thank you, for being an inspiration to me today.


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## AahRee (Jan 23, 2003)

I read this the other night and couldn't see through my tears to reply. Bless you, Whitneymum, and your young man, and thank you so much for sharing your story. It's beautiful.


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

This is so beautiful, and so wonderful of you to share this. I wish a belated happy birthday to your son, and a wonderful year. And a big congratulations to you mama. You walked a hard road, and made the way for your child and yourself, and paved it with your love as you went along.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)




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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Happy birthday to your ds and best wishes.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

How sweet and beautiful and tearjerking! Happy Birthday! What wonderful mothering you've done and such an important reminder to us to remember the little things are the most important.


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## 2goingon2 (Feb 8, 2007)

What a warm and lovely post and tribute to your son...and your own strength. Thank you for sharing and for a little inspiration on this beautiful morning. Happy birthday!


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Congratulations, mama! You are amazing! And Happy Birthday to your wonderful boy. Your beautiful story made me cry and hold my sleeping baby a little closer.


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## positivity (Jul 17, 2011)

Thank You for sharing your story. I didnt have any where near as bad as you in some aspects. But, you reminded me that Im not alone. Neither are you !


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## Snapdragon (Aug 30, 2007)

I just read the first post and it actually made me teary! Good job. - you did it- so inspiring!!! I am sure your boy knows how much he is loved .


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

This is so beautiful. It made me cry. Thankyou for sharing. Those aweful people and their judgmental stares....

Happy birthday to your son, and congratulations on your triumph!!!


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