# How do you deal with a mouthy 3 year old?



## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

DD is 3.5 and she has gotten mouthy and moody lately! I thought this wasn't supposed to happen until she was a teenager!!







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She whines, talks back, stamps her feet, raises her voice, etc. I say things calmly like "You need to talk nicely to me, I don't like being yelled at." and I try to explain what it means to talk nicely and be respectful but she ends up getting angry most of the time.

It's really driving me crazy and I really don't know what to do. When she stomps her way through the kitchen I've made her go back and walk nicely. I want her to be able to express her anger but preferably in a better way.

Any practical suggestions?


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I'll be watching the responses here. My 4 year old is doing the same thing right now.


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## tadpole1707 (Jan 22, 2006)

hiya, not much good advice but what i do when my three and a half yr old is like this (which is more often these days!) is i find it helps more if i remain absolutely calm and even happy lol, like this morning he was angry about the fact that he couldn't squash all his little noddy figures into a small car and he threw them across the room then ordered (!) me to go pick them up and when i wouldn't he was like "i'm gonna rip your magazine up mummy!" and he isn't usually like that. so i just smiled at him and was like "if you think that might make you feel better and get rid of your anger then that's okay...you can rip the magazine then." but if i had been all "no tad, you will NOT rip the magazine" he probably would have acted worse, and the mood would have gone on alot longer, iyswim. i find just staying calm and also using a bit of humour and talking about what could happen if he did whatever etc, i find that helps too. not sure if ive actually answered your q here or not sorry lol, it's been a loooong day!
lucy


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## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

So far we have combatted this with DD (almost 2.5, pretty verbal) by saying something like "wow, that didn't sound very nice. Do you think you could say that again nicely?" and usually she rephrases or at least takes it down a notch.

When she's whiny I sometimes make a game out of it. I start whining about totally ridiculous things myself in a totally over the top way and then I ask her if she thinks that's nice to listen to. She usually giggles and that fends off the whining for a little while.

I'm assuming this will get more challenging as she gets older!

For what it's worth, I think it's totally appropriate to call somebody on it -- child, teen, or adult -- when they are not speaking nicely to you. Nobody wants to be talked back to or yelled at or whined at. If DH is taking a tone with me I'll either joke about it or tell him I don't appreciate his tone (depending on my mood, LOL), too.


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## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
So far we have combatted this with DD (almost 2.5, pretty verbal) by saying something like "wow, that didn't sound very nice. Do you think you could say that again nicely?" and usually she rephrases or at least takes it down a notch.

When she's whiny I sometimes make a game out of it. I start whining about totally ridiculous things myself in a totally over the top way and then I ask her if she thinks that's nice to listen to. She usually giggles and that fends off the whining for a little while.

I'm assuming this will get more challenging as she gets older!

For what it's worth, I think it's totally appropriate to call somebody on it -- child, teen, or adult -- when they are not speaking nicely to you. Nobody wants to be talked back to or yelled at or whined at. If DH is taking a tone with me I'll either joke about it or tell him I don't appreciate his tone (depending on my mood, LOL), too.

I agree. This is one thing I just will not tolerate. I try to pick my battles with her but being disrespectful is something I won't allow. At the same time I want to be equally respectful of her. When I was growing up it was always "I'm the mom so you'll do as I say simply because I said so" and I completely resented that. I won't do that to my children. I want the respect to be mutual.


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## peilover010202 (Nov 1, 2005)

My ds1 is nearly 3.5 and he's getting more and more like this. With him, if he's in an overly whiny mood, I usually ask him why he's feeling "grumpy". Sometimes, it's because he's hungry or tired or sometimes just flat out bored. So, if it's any of those things, I can fix those. (And, I usually break the tension by doing something silly. "So, my Power Ranger is hungry, huh? Well, let's see would you like a banana or yogurt? You know, Power Rangers have to eat healthy things so they stay strong."

If he's bored, I tell ds1 to watch out for the tickle bug. Then he usually goes on a hunt for the location of the tickle bug (always in a pocket). When he finds it, it tickles him.

If ds1 talks back or uses "ugly" words, then I have a tendency to ignore it, and since eh's so sensitive, he'll usually say something like "that was an ugly word?" Then, it opens up conversation.

Other times, if he's being disrespectful, I will say "I don't like it when you talk to me that way, so I'll be over here (in same room) and when you feel like speaking nicely to me, I would love to talk to you." Then I walk away and occupy myself with something that prevents eye contact (otherwise, ds1 would think it was a game.) It's not long before he comes over (but he will ocassionally kick it up a notch or two before he realizes that I'm not going to acknowledge he's screaming/yelling.)


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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

My dss went through this phase a bit more recently, at age 5. Basically we told him that we would not listen to him if he was not willing to speak to us nicely and we ignored whining. When he gets angry he is instructed to go to his room to cool off (usually he is angry about something trivial, and it is triggered by fatigue). Sometimes we find him asleep (fatigue strikes again), sometimes he completely loses it and throws a massive tantrum. However these moments are fewer and farther between because we made it quite clear that he would not get anywhere with us as long as he was acting out.
When I worked in daycare if a child whined at me I would say "I'm sorry, but I only understand it when people speak to me nicely. Can you try again?" If the child is distressed I found it really worked (this works sometimes with my boy as well) to say "Ok, lets stop and take a big deep breath" and breath with them a few times, then ask them what the matter is.
I also find sometimes with my son that he does not realize that he has said something offensive, he thinks he is being funny when he is actually being very rude. When I first started calling him on it, I had to remind myself that he's not actually trying to hurt my feelings. Now when he says something I feel is rude I usually will say to him "I would like you to think about what you just said" Sometimes he realizes where he went wrong, and other times he is not so sure, so we explain to him why what he said was upsetting and that he either needed to express it differently or keep the thought to himself.
And I totally hear what your saying about thinking that you would not have to deal with this stuff until your child hit their teens!! Mine's 7 going on 13!!!


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