# Baby died 6 weeks ago. Options? Time frame? -- Update #14



## moonInLion (Mar 1, 2009)

Hello,

I am technically 14 weeks pregnant now, but I had to learn today that my baby died at 8 weeks, so 6 weeks ago. Crying.
As things are in Ontario, midwife hands care over to family doctor right away, whom I haven't seen yet, this will likely happen tomorrow.
Midwife says I should not stay pregnant much longer, because of the risk of infection. In fact, she says, I should get rid of the baby within a week.

I don't have the focus to do a lot of web browsing now or reading all those posts in this forum -- will certainly do so at some point! -- , so I wonder if you have some answers or good links:
- what are my options? m/w told me three ways: naturally, with medication, or D&C. I'd rather do it naturally but I also don't want to poison my body.
- any idea how much time I have, to allow let nature take its course. is it really that urgent as my midwife says?
I have been having mild spotting/bleeding almost all of last week, but now it's gone. No cramping whatsoever. And physically I'm feeling great. Isn't that weird?

Thank you.


----------



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I would ask your doctor what the risks of infection are, how quickly it would happen, if it is possible to monitor your temps, etc. and wait it out.










I'm so, so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry.


----------



## MiracleMama (Sep 1, 2003)

I'm very sorry this has happened to you.
I can't really help you as far as how long you'd have to wait for this to happen naturally, as once I'd learned about my babies being dead, I couldn't wait. Mentally, I just couldn't handle it. I did try medication this last time (in Nov.) but for me, it didn't work. I took two rounds of cyctotec (sp.) but it never made anything happen, so I ended up with another d&c (first one 4 years ago).
You will get through this, somehow. Unfortunately many of us here know what you are going through. Big hugs to you.


----------



## heatherdeg (Dec 30, 2003)

I'm also not a lot of help, but one thing you also want to ask is this: if the baby passed at 8wks then s/he isn't large enough to warrant the more complicated procedures of removal... or does the length of time the baby has been in there not living make a difference.

That may actually make a difference to you in how long you're willing to allow nature to take it's course. I know that for me, this made an enormous difference--but my situation was different in many ways, too. I just want to make sure you have all the information you need to make an informed choice.

I was in the same DDC as you and saw your post there. Glad your dh will be home sooner rather than later.


----------



## Catubodua (Apr 21, 2008)

i'm so sorry for your loss.

just repeating what i was told - my DR prefers that you don't let it go longer than 2 weeks after you find out the baby has died b/c of the chance of infection. i know other women have posted here about their doctors not being concerned with a longer time frame so it would seem each doctor has a certain time they recommend medical intervention if things don't happen on their own.


----------



## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## hsmamak (Jan 4, 2009)

I am so sorry







. I found out my baby was gone about 4 weeks after baby had probably died (I know how weird it is to find out your baby has been gone through all this time you thought they were alive in there







). I m/c naturally about 4 days after finding out, so it was probably 4-5 weeks since baby passed before I m/c. For me, I had no signs of any problems, and it all went as it's supposed to, and I'm now having my first af, about a month later (it's really heavy, though). So, I'm not sure since it's been a little longer for you, and especially since you're no longer bleeding at all. Perhaps the cytotec option would be a good one for you to ask about before going the d&c route? I'm not sure if they base whether you're too far along for that on the size of the baby or where you are in your pregnancy, though.








to you, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.


----------



## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

I don't understand how you can get an infection as long as your membranes are intact. like pp mentioned, I'd be asking more questions about that.

huge huge hugs to you!


----------



## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

No advice, momma. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry.


----------



## moonInLion (Mar 1, 2009)

Thank you mamas.
I am doing better today. Did not sleep well/much last night, was crying a fair bit, and also was dead scared of what was going to happen next. But today was a rather good day: Inspired by a phone conversation with a friend I went back to the ultrasound lab and asked for a picture of my little angel. They were very understanding and made it happen, so that in the afternoon indeed I could come back and pick up an u/s print of him. What a treat. Then I started bleeding in the course of the morning, just like a period, with little cramping. I saw my family doctor in the afternoon, and she said it seems my body is taking care of things so that there is no need to send me over to the OB for a D&C (which she had planned to do assuming I was not bleeding already), and things may just go smoothly with little cramping and reasonable (i.e., not dangerous) amounts of blood being passed over time. Things should be over within 48 hours. I am so relieved, after having read so many horror stories about excessive bleeding and trips to the ER. The baby was just 8 weeks by *gestational* age (not 8 weeks since FDLP, as I misunderstood my m/w yesterday on the phone) so it died only 4 weeks ago, not 6 weeks ago, and 8 weeks is indeed small enough for things to proceed without D&C if I'm lucky.
Lastly, my husband who is overseas at the moment got a flight back home for tomorrow night, so that's good too. We will be choosing a name this weekend. For me, Daniel has to be in it, it just feels right for my little sweet baby.
Other than that, I have no words for what's going on with me. It is sooo unbelievable.
But I guess I don't have to tell you about this.....unfortunately.

Ever so grateful for your support.


----------



## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

That's really nice you were able to get a picture. I wish you a peaceful and quick recovery. I'm glad your dh is able to fly home and be with you. Tell him to treat you extra special and take good care of you.


----------



## onelilguysmommy (May 11, 2005)

Im glad you got a picture. it sounds like your baby was holding on long enough for you to get it. how wonderful that you have that not.


----------



## moonInLion (Mar 1, 2009)

See new thread "I birthed my little angle this morning" for an update.


----------

