# at what age did you start putting baby to bed alone?



## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

I am wondering this for the co-sleeping families out there. With newborns who nap a lot, it is easy to just take them to bed when you're ready to sleep, but at some point, they need to go to sleep before the parents...

I began putting my first dd to bed a few hours before we went to bed when she was about six months old and had gotten to the point of typically taking 2 naps a day. The frustrating part was that I was rushing to the bedroom every 30-45 minutes to get her back to sleep for months. My four month old seems to be getting to the point where she's cranky in the evenings like she's tired, but I'm not ready to go to bed until about 11. She still naps 4, sometimes 5 times a day (mostly 30 min naps w/ one longer nap of 1.5-3 hrs). Lately her last nap is somewhere around 9-9:30, and then she's up another 1-2 hrs before I take her to bed w/ me. All her naps are on me - nursing, in the sling, or next to me in bed (nursing).

I am hesitant to put her to bed alone because of the increased risk for SIDS when babies sleep alone, and the issue of probably having to re-settle her over and over until I come to bed. Has anyone noticed any signs that your baby was ready to start going to bed earlier?


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## justthinkn (Apr 11, 2008)

we started around 3 months... she was getting too aware for me to hang out in the living room, even with lights low and tv muted, and DH really wanted some adult time in the evening. so he was willing to d o a lot of the re-settling, unless she was doing a hungry cry, of course. in the beginning, she'd wake every 45m to 1.5 hours...

i didn't really worry that much about SIDS - she was older (not a newborn at least) and we were doing all the other SIDS safety stuff. it felt like a good compromise solution that gave her lots of nighttime closeness while also giving me and DH a little time at night (she slept glued to my side/boob when i was in bed until she was 6-7 months old).


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## leafwood (Jun 15, 2004)

Our drill, starting at around 3m for both babies, was to do a bath, PJs, nurse to sleep and then transfer baby to crib all between 8-10....then, when baby wakes, dh gets baby and we co-sleep. This routine allows dh and I to have a minute, or hour, alone....and it still allows us to co-sleep for much of the night as ds now gets into his crib around 10 and is usually with us by 11:30. It works for us.

Dd had this same routine and co-slept with us until she was 3y (and I was pregnant again and decided to night-wean so she moved from co-sleeping to having a little mini bed on the floor next to my side).


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## mamalibby (Aug 20, 2007)

I didn't start at a particular age. I put him down when gave signals that he was tired and would tolerate it (lying on the bed alone), and if I felt like staying up, I did, and if I was sleepy, I would lie down with him. That is pretty much what we still do. Sometimes we have a few hours of "alone time" and some nights we get into bed right when DS goes to sleep. Sometime DH is already asleep while I am rocking/nursing DS. Just going with the flow seems to be working for our family!


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## Elastagirl (May 24, 2005)

Once they got past the "Sleeping every few hours even during LOUD, noisy interruptions" stage (3 mos?) I used to nurse baby down and then sneak out of bed for a little while. If your bed is safe (no big pillows or comforters in the way) SIDS shouldn't be a concern. I *think* it's more of an issue when infants go into extreme deep sleep and can't regulate their breathing... or at least that's what I've read somewhere here on MDC!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Dd really never was ready to go to bed before us









She still goes to bed when we do.

-Angela


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## Danielle13 (Oct 31, 2007)

so far, at 8 months dd always goes to bed with me. sometimes its 1 am sometimes is 9pm it all depends. we sleep until we want to wake up and go to bed when we're tired. She's been known to take a nap at 10 pm







we like her with us, so its not a problem. if we want adult time aka sex time, then we wait for her to be asleep and get busy









Danielle*


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

whenever he started getting 'nighttime sleepy' before us. I think around 3 mos. I did nurse him back down multiple times which was kind of annoying but I needed (still need) that time at the end of the day alone with my husband. Even if it's interrupted.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Good thread! I'm in the process of trying to put DD down before me in her crib so that I have an hour or so (I hope) of time with DH. It's day 3, and she's done 15 minutes, 1 hour, and so far 30 minutes (tonight). I started trying when she started rolling away from me at night and staying asleep (about a week ago). She's almost 9 mos. Before that, she would never go down before me, and she won't nurse down (hasn't for maybe 5 months) so we nurse and then rock to sleep, then I put her down. I used to lay down with her as that was the only way she'd stay asleep.

I'm hoping for enough time to watch a TV show on DVR in the evenings!


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## momnloveit (May 28, 2002)

Ds is 7 mo and about a month ago, I started reading no cry sleep solution and trying bits and pieces. One thing I really paid attention to was the nap thing. For a couple of days, I just kept track and then for a couple of days I tried to re-create by lying ds down a few minutes before his usual tired time. I give him his special little silky blankie and his binky and sing him some special good-night songs. I tell him I love him and goodnight in a cheerful voice and leave the room. If he cries, I go back in and sing more, rub his tummy, rarely do I have to pick him up. He started falling asleep on his own within a couple of days. He takes two 1 to 2 hour naps a day and is always asleep before 8:30. I just can't even believe how much happier we both are! Making sure he gets that daytime sleep has made such a difference. He used to NEVER be down for the night before 11pm. Now he is never awake after 8:30. He usually lasts at least 2 hours before he needs to eat or be resettled. It has been so great to have some time to read to my other kids uninterrupted and have a little time with dh before bed. It has made a difference in how happy and playful he is during the day.
I only wish it had produced the results I was looking for at night...


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## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

Thanks for the responses. I too would like a little time w/ dh in the evenings, and time to take a shower before bed (currently dh holds dd while I do this, and she screams hysterically). With my first baby, I made myself nuts about trying to lay her down asleep - she woke instantly *every time.* I vowed that I wouldn't care this time around... and so I don't even try to lay the baby down. Once I start putting her to bed earlier, I will have to try laying her down sleeping, or just lay next to her to nurse her down and then get up, which is what I did w/ my first baby. I wonder if she kept waking up so frequently because she nursed to sleep repeatedly in that horizontal position and then was uncomfortable w/ gas? Both my babies have been thrashers, like they're trying to get some gas out.


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## justthinkn (Apr 11, 2008)

Do you swaddle? That made the difference for us. Even if you just kind of swaddle - wrapping baby in a blanket makes the transition from arms to bed much less jarring. We also found that my nursing the baby sleepy and then passing her to DH was the easiest - she was more willing to let him put her down and keep drifting off to sleep than with me. Me, she wanted there until she was dead to the world - and then still woke up half the time!!


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## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justthinkn* 
Do you swaddle? That made the difference for us. Even if you just kind of swaddle - wrapping baby in a blanket makes the transition from arms to bed much less jarring.

I tried swaddling w/ my first for about a week, but she always kicked right out of it, even if we did it pretty tightly. And I recently read an opinion that swaddling might not be good for the leg development? I think I read it in a Sears book... It seems like one of those things where there are different opinions.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

We've just started trying to get DS to be before us. I wouldn't mind him staying up, but he's miserable and I can't sleep that early. Last night he nursed down great at 8pm, but woke at 9:15 and wouldn't go back down, so he got up and played, and tonight we went down at 8:30, nursed back down at 9:30, and has just woken now, Gotta go!


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Dd really never was ready to go to bed before us









She still goes to bed when we do.

-Angela

Same here, DS at 29 months.


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## thixle (Sep 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Dd really never was ready to go to bed before us









She still goes to bed when we do.

-Angela

Us, too. She sleeps on her own mattress (a twin against our full) most of the night now, but we all go to bed together.


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## BabyJay'sMom (Jul 21, 2006)

I would put her down during the day to nap since day one, but for nighttime we just started putting her down before us at about 6 months. So far it's working wonderfully.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

If DS or DD fell asleep in my arms while DH and I stayed up, I would go and lay them down in the bed gently and lay with them a minute to make sure they didn't stir. I did this until DS was at least 2 years old (I don't remember with DD). Then DH, DD, DS, and I would all lie down together; DS would nurse and both DD and DS would fall asleep; then DH and I would get back up to have time together. However, there are a lot of nights when DS won't fall asleep, so he just gets back up with us until he either asks to go to sleep, DH and I want to go to sleep, or DS falls asleep while sitting up with us.


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## blueridgewoman (Nov 19, 2001)

I just started three days ago at about 7 months. It's heaven. I have to say it.









But it's all about what your baby tolerates. My dd is pretty high needs and there was just no way she would go down without us for several months. Even now, I nurse her for about half an hour when she goes down to bed and then for about ten minutes every 45 min to an hour when she wakes up before I go to bed. And I have to admit, I tend to go to bed earlier than I thought I would just because it makes me sad to think of her snoozing in there all alone and I miss her!


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

DD2 is JUST letting me do this now and she is 19m. She'd fall asleep earlier in the evening but while nursing on the couch and there was hell to pay if I were to attempt to get up. I have to go and resettled her and few times before I go to bed, but not enough that it doesn't make it worth it. Now if she would just do this for naps as well.


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## wildflower18 (Jul 22, 2007)

I think when I went back to work around 4 months we started to see a shift in sleep patterns and would put him to bed by himself, giving me some time in the evening to do my own thing. I do, however have to go in every hour or so (sometimes more, sometimes less) to put him back to sleep. But I'm bothered by it less and less because I expect it and it has become part of the routine. At least I have a small bit of time (be it interupted) to myself in the evenings.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Haven't yet (14.5 months), and don't see us doing it anytime soon. There was a little while (maybe a month or two, around 4-6 months? somewhere in there anyway) where we were going to bed earlier, like 8:30pm, because otherwise he was really, really cranky, but now we're back to a 10pm-ish bedtime for all of us, and it works fine.

We have just very recently started laying him down on his own for naps. I like being able to get stuff done in the afternoon, and not having my legs kill me from being crossed underneath him in the recliner, but I also really miss his warm little body in my lap.







:


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## Danielle1973 (Nov 11, 2007)

I was in the same boat as you, i went to sleep with dd up until 3 months ago and then she was showing signs of going to bed at about 7:45. She is now 16 months and has been going o sleep in her crib at 7:45 and usually wakes at 1:30 to come tobed with us. It will happen when they are ready


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

I don't think it's linear, at least not in my experience. Ds, 27 months, has gone to bed with us most of his life. There was a period in the first year, 5-8 months or something, where I did the whole rigamarole to get him to sleep before us, but he would wake up quite upset and not resettle, so it ended up being more stressful than just getting in to bed together. Then he went through a phase of going right to sleep in the bed with me, after which I could stay up or even get up. These days, totally attached at night - often he will wake if I get up to go pee!

So, if something works for a little while, do it until it doesn't. Then switch it up.


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## columbusmomma (Oct 31, 2006)

hmm...trying to remember! We coslept..I think somewhere around 2.0-2.5yrs. I still laid down with him for cuddling and stories and so forth(still do). It wasn't until about age 4.5 that I could "leave" the room before he fell asleep. Now he joins the family bed during storms and on weekends, or if he has a scary dream. Of course he's welcome anytime! When he was weaning the bedtime nurse(in his own bed) was super important!


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## starry_mama (May 26, 2006)

First kid - around 4/5 months old. When he woke up again to nurse, I would go to bed with him, usually around 11pmish/

Second kid, would stay up until I went to bed, until he was about 15 months old, then DH started putting him to bed with his big brother. He has always had trouble sleeping without someone sleeping with him.

New Baby - just like my first kid. She takes a bath with her brothers, DH puts the boys to bed, while I nurse the baby down. She generally wakes up around 11-12, and then I go to bed with her.


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## Mommy2anangel (Dec 17, 2007)

For the most part, we all go to bed together. Some nights though, when DH and I need some time alone, we lay down with him until he falls asleep and then leave. He's 26 months.


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## megviolet (Feb 6, 2007)

We have put her to bed before us since she was newborn... i mean, a few weeks old probably. For the first few weeks she and i pretty much lived in bed anyway, and for several weeks i occasionally would go to sleep with her at 7/8 pm for the night while DH stayed up.

Basically, she has always gone to bed at about 8pm. We have always done a routine with her- bath, pajamas, book (no book when she was tiny) and music/rocking/nursing. For the first few months i did have to go once or twice to resettle her if she woke between her bedtime and ours (10-11ish). Still do have to resettle her sometimes.

The time after she goes to sleep is the only alone time DH and i have and it's not super important to us to have it every night but it IS nice.


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

Megviolet and other that "resettle", do you nurse as settling? Or do they accept something else?

What if they can crawl, do they try to come out to you? (those who do the early evening sleep in the big bed). I have the cot out to start doing this, putting DS down for some naps and early evening. I am figuring it's better to start this process in the cot instead of having to change to the cot later when he can crawl/walk. We can't put our mattress on the floor for a couple of reasons like we did back in the day with DD.

Currently, DH has him after 7pm and he naps in his lap or on the couch until the first feed (9-10pm) then he brings him to me for the night at the next feed (12/2am). So I'm hoping we can get some couple time soon, when I am less fatigued and able to stay up until perhaps the 9/10pm feed - by putting him in the cot for that time instead.


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## clsupnorth (Jan 3, 2008)

At about 8 wks we realized that 'we' were keeping 'her' up - she had been with us in the living room with lights on and she'd get pretty cranky. (Well, she was a colicky screamer until 4 months, so she was basically ALWAYS cranky). But one night we set her down in the dark out of sheer frustration and she passed out asleep. Bingo! So from then on we'd settle her to her crib in the early evening to sleep.... she'd sleep there until she woke up to eat..... then by that time I was either ready for bed or had already been asleep for awhile, so I'd then bring her into our bed with us. This gave us the best of both worlds - the opportunity to get some 'adult time' alone for a few hours in the evening, we'd be able to make noise/have lights on in house or in bedroom without worrying about waking her, and we still coslept. And she slept amazingly well no matter where she was/is. There were even a few nights where I was sooooooo exhausted and needed some time away from her after a very rough day that I'd just put her back to sleep after her feeding into the crib again for another few hours until her next feeding. Never felt one bit guilty about it b/c she slept so well and didn't mind the crib at all.

At about 10 weeks she started going to bed really early, around 6:30 pm and sleeping till 8 am (waking 2-3x in night). Just recently (at 4 months) she's been needing less sleep and now she's going to bed at 8 pm - but again, she starts in the crib and then cosleeps.

It's very nice to have her totally accustomed to both locations.... b/c even during the day I can put her down for her nap in the crib and get stuff done.... but be able to sleep with her at night no problemo.


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

Good to know it can be done!


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

When DS started going to bed before us...so probably around 2 months of age. At first it was only going to bed maybe 30 mintues before us...then gradually over time he was going to bed sooner and sooner. Now at 2.5 he goes to bed around 7:30ish - whilst I dont head off to bed anywhere from 10pm -1pm! lol


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## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

Well, I have tried putting my 4.5 mo to sleep before us for about three nights now... and it's just so pointless. The first night she woke after 10 min., I nursed her back to sleep, and then she slept for 45 min. So I thought, "pretty good!" But then after that, I couldn't get her to stay asleep at all w/out me there, so I just went to bed. The next two nights I tried this, she woke up after ten minutes and then after two, three, five minutes repeatedly. How frustrating!!! What's the point of putting her to bed before me if I basically have to go to bed then, too? I don't need to sleep from 9pm until 8am! And since I'm not a morning person, I doubt I'd be able to get up at 6am even if I was able to fall asleep at 9pm! My first dd was not a "good sleeper" at all, but at six months I was able to put her to bed before me and only go in to nurse her back down every 30-45 min. This baby will start rolling around on the bed, kicking the sheets up, trying to chew on them in her sleep, and she wakes herself up - after ten minutes or less!!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I guess I'm weird ... I need nearly as much rest as my girls do. So by evening time I'm soooooo ready to lie down. Even if I stay awake a little longer than they do, I'm happy to just lie there right next to them. If I'm awake enough, I enjoy spending time with dh or reading a book for a while -- but both these activities happen right there in the bedroom.

I'm impressed that so many of you stay up after your little ones go to sleep, and still have energy for when they wake in the mornings!


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

One thing that works for me a lot (although there was a window around 18 months, I think, when it didn't work for ds), is to go to bed together (I like to go to bed early so I don't mind that). Sometimes I will turn out the light, sometimes not, depending on his energy and mine. If I am still awake after he is asleep, I will turn on the light and read. I don't have a laptop, but I know some people bring their computers to bed and read and research, or watch movies. I have podcasts on my ipod, which I can listen to.

One thing I like about it, is that I go to sleep closer to when he does, so I am ready to be up when he is. That works for my biorhythms.


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## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

I sleep from about 11pm until 8am - interrupted, of course, but only briefly because the baby just nurses in her sleep. So that's roughly nine hours there, and then I lay down w/ baby for a nap in the afternoons... so I get another 1.5 to 2 hrs of rest (I am not usually tired enough to sleep for this time, but sometimes I sleep for half an hour). Those naps will probably end once my three year old gives up napping, though...

I do have a laptop now - my dh got it for me a couple months after th baby was born. Maybe I could take it with me and stay w/ baby for about an hour. I wonder if then I'd be able to get up for longer than ten minutes to spend some time w/ dh.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

Another thing that we sometimes do, when the extra time is about dh and me, is we get ready for bed, go to bed with ds, and then sneak out and cuddle in the guest room. Not only is that a nice time to be intimate, but we are also all ready for bed so if/when ds wakes back up, if we are still in bed in the guest room chatting or whatever, I can just go back in and go to sleep.

When I used to try to get ds to bed before me, I felt on tenterhooks the whole time, rushing to finish my wine so that I could be ready for bed when he needed me - it wasn't relaxing at all. Now I treat the time after he is asleep as twilight time, either for myself or for us as a couple, rather than a continuation of day time.


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## jocelyndale (Aug 28, 2006)

Laptop + MDC = going to bed when babe sleeps.









I take my shower before DS is ready for bed, then he gets changed and I nurse him to sleep. Once he's asleep, I surf online for a few hours, resting in bed. DH rubs my feet at some point, takes his shower, then he joins us.

DS is napping right now. I'm in bed next to him, with the laptop.


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## clsupnorth (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
I'm impressed that so many of you *stay up after your little ones go to sleep, and still have energy for when they wake in the mornings!*









AHAAHAHAHAHA! That's funny! Yeah, even though I stay up, I do NOT have energy for her in the mornings. But I have to stay up to get some stuff accomplished, and i also study for school in the evenings.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

About 3 months, with both babies. Not coincidentally, IMO, they both had/have their longest sleep stretch then.

My kiddo gets REALLY tired around 6-7 pm and wants to go to bed then. I believe in watching the baby for tired signs, and I think most babies do have consistent rhythms. I go to bed at really varying times and I don't think it would be fun for either of us for him to have to "wait" for me.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *clsupnorth* 
AHAAHAHAHAHA! That's funny! Yeah, even though I stay up, I do NOT have energy for her in the mornings. But I have to stay up to get some stuff accomplished, and i also study for school in the evenings.

Yah, I pretty much put sleep ahead of housekeeping -- but I realize not everyone's wired that way, and some people can't relax in a messy house ... dh prob'ly wishes I felt a need to get a tad more accomplished than I do.









Best wishes in your educational endeavors!


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## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

Quote:

Not coincidentally, IMO, they both had/have their longest sleep stretch then.
Mine's longest sleep stretch is between 9pm and 1/2am. My mum was saying that's how it was in her day (like babies were different then







), they slept longest and soundest late evening, with sleep getting variable from early morning on.

Mammal, my house is a shambles. I've just started to do things like a load of washing. DH has been doing everything, absolutely everything domestic and about a third of the baby duty, too. I think I'm about ready to do some dinners (he is, of course, encouraging this







), but honestly, I can barely function in these first three months. I'm just not one of those women that can keep a house, three other kids, read a book and still make a flan for the school fete! Nope. That isn't this mama. Wish I was, I sometimes feel like such a loser but I refuse to overwhelm myself, which is basically anything more than "inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, kiss daughter, feed son, inhale, exhale..." rinse, repeat.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Just wanted to update, and say that we've stopped putting DS to bed again. *sigh* He won't stay asleep, so I don't bother. I'm sure he'll go again soon, we just need to figure out a routine.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Calm* 
I think I'm about ready to do some dinners (he is, of course, encouraging this







), but honestly, I can barely function in these first three months. I'm just not one of those women that can keep a house, three other kids, read a book and still make a flan for the school fete! Nope. That isn't this mama. Wish I was, I sometimes feel like such a loser but I refuse to overwhelm myself, which is basically anything more than "inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, kiss daughter, feed son, inhale, exhale..." rinse, repeat.

Well, and your baby's 3 months -- and mine's 3 *years*!


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

I started to post a reply last night after I put DD down, but suprise, she woke up!

We try this on night's when I'm awake enough for the effort and when she's sleeping okay. We didn't for a couple of weeks and now are again the last few days. She never stays down more than an hour or so, but it's a nice break for me in the evenings and I get to cuddle a bit with DH on the couch.

It always depends on the day, though. It's totally not linear!


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## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

Today I was napping w/ the baby and had to get up to change DD1's poopy diaper (she's afraid to poop in the toilet...), and the baby stayed asleep for another HOUR AND 45 MINUTES!!!! If only she could do that in the evenings. Oh well, one day she will, I know. DD1 didn't take a nap today and completely zonked out at 7:50 tonight - with daylight still streaming in the window, even! And if I went in the room and picked her up, she'd stay asleep (or squirm and reach toward the bed!), and she was a very light sleeper as an infant. It gives me lots of hope for this one.... I know she won't be this way forever!


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## megviolet (Feb 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Calm* 
Megviolet and other that "resettle", do you nurse as settling? Or do they accept something else?

Ya, i just climb into bed with her and nurse her a few minutes. It's the fastest way to get her settled again.


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