# Crazy Aggressive Baby - Help!



## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

I posted here awhile ago about my 10 (almost 11) month old biting me and DF. We got one response that suggested encouraging kisses, which we still do.

Well, since then, his behaviour has gone crazy! He bites, pinches, grabs, hits, bangs.... I know some of this is developmentally appropriate, but I've got a background in daycare and I've never seen a baby this aggressive and rough. He sticks his hands in your mouth, pull and twists at any extending body part, (nipples, ears, noses) He is constantly hurting us. It's really starting to interfere with my feelings towards him as I can't play with him at all without getting hurt (unless he is in the high chair.) This is not unique to people, he's gotten crazy rough with EVERYTHING. (currently trying to knock blocks together)

We encourage gentle hands. We've taken his hands and shown them how to be gentle. We've encouraged kisses. We are gentle to him and each other.

He's also starting to hurt other kids all the time. I'm at my wits end. He can't keep doing this, someone is going to get seriously hurt. (He's big for his age and strong.) If he doesn't actually bite a chunk out of me he's going to knock another child out with a block. I'm so worried about it, and am starting to wonder if there's something wrong with him. (His father has mental issues, so I may just be paranoid)


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## lizzybugsmommy (Jul 9, 2008)

Mine did the same thing at that age. I asked her DR and she suggested that when she did it to tell her no that hurts in a firm voice. If this did not stop the behavior and she did it again she said to say no again then turn away from her and ignore her. I only had to do this twice because she did not like the fact I was not paying any attention to her.


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## rachellanigh (Aug 26, 2006)

I would definitely let him know it is not ok to hurt others. This is a good lesson to learn. Your tone of voice is very important. Continue to play with him and give him lots of love, but set your boundaries when it comes to hurting others..."ouch!" is a good one. Good luck!


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## kittn (Mar 6, 2006)

this sounds so frustrating.

could it be that you little one is craving sensory input and getting it the only way he knows how (by hurting you and banging things?) perhaps the next time it happens you can try giving him something prickly(but safe) like a comb to run his fingers on. get somereally strong freezer bags and make some colored putty for him to poke and pull. sometimes even just wrapping them up tight and hugging them close can help


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

I really, REALLY sympathize with you. I am going through the same thing. It makes you want to cry (if you haven't already). My 13 month old son is just... exactly as you describe. It's taking a toll on my friendships with some other Mommies -- he just can't play nice. The other babies listen to their mothers, but my son does not listen to me at all.

He pinches, bites, pulls, pushes, punches, slaps, kicks.

Looking at it holistically, is there anything in your life that may make him feel out of control or in turmoil? I know that there are a few situational changes in our family's life right now that may be making my son's behaviour worse.

All the best to you. I will be reading this thread for others' suggestions (and thanks to those with the previous suggestions).


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## straighthaircurly (Dec 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittn* 
this sounds so frustrating.

could it be that you little one is craving sensory input and getting it the only way he knows how (by hurting you and banging things?) perhaps the next time it happens you can try giving him something prickly(but safe) like a comb to run his fingers on. get somereally strong freezer bags and make some colored putty for him to poke and pull. sometimes even just wrapping them up tight and hugging them close can help

This was exactly my thought. Instead of trying to tone him down, teach him where it is okay to be intense. Does he like to be bounced, spun, swinging, massage or joint compressions? Keep a journal of good moments and bad episodes. Any relationship to noise or commotion? Kids with sensory issues often react oddly when seemingly normal situations become overwhelming for them. They can be sensory avoiding in some areas and sensory seeking in other areas (the case with my son).


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittn* 
this sounds so frustrating.

could it be that you little one is craving sensory input and getting it the only way he knows how (by hurting you and banging things?) perhaps the next time it happens you can try giving him something prickly(but safe) like a comb to run his fingers on. get some really strong freezer bags and make some colored putty for him to poke and pull. sometimes even just wrapping them up tight and hugging them close can help

I've been thinking about this, and do the wrap him up tight sometimes. He does love to be swung, tossed, etc, but I don't know if that's for the sensory input, or because it's a Daddy specialty.

It's so hard to find anything safe for him to play with, that he's still interested in. He does like to lift his father's 1lb weights, but often drops them, and I'm terrified he'll squash a toe or something. (Or take out a tooth) There are no baggies on earth strong enough to keep this kid out when he gets biting. He loves the remotes, maybe because the bumpy buttons? We've given him an old video game controller to play with. Hmm.

I think some of it is attention seeking, but it's a catch 22 as he'll come over and bite me and smile as though to say "Come and play" but once he starts it's like he can't stop, so I'll siton the floor to play and he'll cruise around me and bite my back. And pull my hair. And knock me on the head with something.

We'll try the comb, any other ideas for a very young potential sensory seeker?


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## kittn (Mar 6, 2006)

sensory ideas for a strong sensory seeking toddler

biting stuff
a toothbrush ( i would just make sure you get him to sit)
foods that take work to eat
foods that are sour (a lot of kids seeking oral sensory stuff like sour or tart things)
straws to chew
PVC tubing that you can get at any hardware store
a nuk brush in the dental care isle usually. made by NUK it looks like a big plastic super bumpy q tip. great for stimulating the mouth.

for poking/pinching/squishing
therapy balls
koosh balls
clay filled balls
Goop! cornstarch and water so it looks hard and resistant but can be moved (so much fun!)
home made play dough
have him help make bread
zip locks with colored dough or slime stuff in them (double bag)
bean bags
hide containers (take an old box, place a bunch of different feeling items in it and pull them out one by one)
peg boards to put his fingers in the holes
large legos to poke
socks full of beans

hitting punching activities
couch cushion/pillow fight
couch cushion castle and destruction
get a few yards of spandex like material and wrap him in it
play catch the boy ( wrap him tight and have him work to get free)
thera-bands. most places that do PT will give you one if you go in and ask.

hope this helps some


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

Bumping this so more people can read the list

and maybe have more stories to share

Today was a bad day for us.







I was bitten several times (once very hard while nursing), my hair was pulled constantly and I was pinched quite hard.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

I guess I'm a bit confused.

If I don't want my son to hit, bite or pinch, why would I give him things to hit, bite or pinch? I mean, yes, so he can work out his frustration or energy... but then how will he learn not to do it on people? (edited to add -- I am definitely going to try them, I just want to know "why" they will work)

Some of those activities definitely have his name written all over them. He loves sticking his fingers into holes, etc. He loves chewing on toothbrushes and straws.


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## kittn (Mar 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
I guess I'm a bit confused.

If I don't want my son to hit, bite or pinch, why would I give him things to hit, bite or pinch? I mean, yes, so he can work out his frustration or energy... but then how will he learn not to do it on people? (edited to add -- I am definitely going to try them, I just want to know "why" they will work)

Some of those activities definitely have his name written all over them. He loves sticking his fingers into holes, etc. He loves chewing on toothbrushes and straws.

your right it does almost seem counter intuitive doesn't it?kids that seek sensory input are going to seek it no matter what. you can tell him not to until your blue in the face but it really wont help ( trust me I live this one everyday







)it will really make you batty! by giving them the right places to get the input they need it helps them to feel better. kind of like being thirsty and needing a drink. get the drink and you feel better. you are obeying the impulse without sacrificing your comfort. It's basically a sensory diet. they crave it like a crack addict so you have to find ways to let them work through it. have the activities for him throughout the day so he can just do them when he needs to and use them when you redirect him from hurting you. be careful not to just use them when you redirect because then he will learn I pinch mommy i get play dough.KWIM?

from your sons eyes... he is thirsty for this input all the time.think about if you were super thirsty and if you could only get water some inappropriate way , like from the dogs dish or toilet. you would even though you don't want to, if you get thirsty enough and it is the only water anywhere . You will. hitting you and hurting you is like his dog water, he doesn't want to hurt you. he loves you but he just really needs it. now if you had glasses of water everywhere all over the house, would you choose to drink the dog water?
i hope not







same basic concept your filling his need before it becomes a crisis and that in and of itself should help

at the same time I would recommend every time he pinches you give him an activity where he can pinch like play dough. try something like
"Ouch, don't pinch mommy please , we pinch this (play dough,goop etc.). do you want red or yellow?" the incidents of him hurting you will get less and less.
sorry I am so long winded. I'm at work and trying to stay awake since the parents are coming in soon.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Thought I'd bump this and post some of the things that are helping.

- I got out the little wooden bike and he pushes it (instead of knocking the fan over)
-He bites a little doll (under the nile) and I pull the other end like a playing tug with a dog
-Pots and Pans to hit
-Throwing blocks into a large bucket (DF started this one, and I'm kind of worried about where it will lead, but so far he only throws them into the bucket, so maybe it's more abou the aim than the throw?)

Anyway, thanks to all who suggested things. Some of them will come in handy when he's older. He's really still too young for baggies and playdough unfortuntely. He stille ats everything he touches. (Like gravel off the floor.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

This sensory stuff is kind of making sense to me. My brother is like this so it's probably a family trait.

Anyway. I gave DS a small bag (sealed) full of shea butter. He loves it because some parts are real squishy and others are harder. I also gave him his own small (fuzzy) chair to sit in. He sits in it and rubs his legs on the fabric. I'm finding stuffed toys that are hairy/fuzzy and he likes to lie on those and wriggle. These things are helping.

I am trying not to say "ouch" loudly when he pulls my hair. When I say "ouch" he laughs. So I am trying to say "no, that hurts Mommy," and put him down, and turn my head. He doesn't like that reaction very much, so he does stop sometimes.

Today... is... a playdate... wish me luck. It's at my house so I hope it will be easier to keep things safe.


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