# Cruelty of others following my miscarriage



## TTC Catholic (Jul 7, 2008)

Hello,

I know I have a few posts regarding my struggles. But what has happened over the last couple of months is almost too much for me. After a year and a half of infertility struggles, I finally became pregnant. My family and I were thrilled. I went through the normal symptoms of pregnancy; fatigue, morning sickness, etc. Sadly, my husband and I lost our baby two months ago. Of course, as a mother, I thought that was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. That is, until my sister and I started to receive harassing e-mails from members of a family that I thought were my friends. Regrettably, I even had a member of one of these families in my wedding.

Two people in particular instigated this harassment, but it quickly grew to about a dozen people. They made nasty comments about my mom, my older sister, my sister who passed away 23 years ago (they said she's lucky to be dead), my baby, and me. I lived with these painful comments for about a month until I finally decided that I was not going to stand down while others insulted my family. My entire life, I have always had a difficult time standing up for myself. So I finally sent a firm and to-the-point e-mail to the woman who showed the most evil in all of this (the instigator of all of this), the ultimate bully of the group. I asked her to knock it off.

Instead of being an adult and communicating with me directly, she shared the e-mail with her entire family. She then proceeded to enlist the help of many members of her family and friends, along with an ex whom I have been trying to rid from my life for years and whom she happened to previously date (and who, according to a source close to him, was unable to deal with the fact that I moved on and got married), to publish private and painful details of my miscarriage publicly, on the internet. In fact, her brother actually wrote a public note on Facebook, not only publishing my very private pain, but making a complete mockery of it.

This brother and his wife (the sister-in-law) said I only sent the e-mail as a way to get attention for myself via a "poor me" attitude, to stir up drama, to play the part of a victim, and that I had no interest in closure or moving forward with my life. The brother went so far as to compare me to a terrorist. He then started quoting Bible passages, like a hypocrite. His wife, the sister-in-law, called me a "sad soul". She actually did the most despicable thing; I had to have a D&C following my miscarriage, and the morning I went into the hospital for the surgery, she sent me a cruel message chastising me because the name my husband and I chose for our baby's middle name is the same as her nephew's first name. She said I had no right to take his name.

Furthermore, the mother of the woman who instigated all of this in the first place (and the mother of the man who published this on Facebook) said that I am "an offensive person who no longer exists".

In a final attempt to resolve this directly with the woman who instigated this, I sent a text message advising of how disappointed I was with her not coming to me directly and also advising her to end what she was doing at once. Moments later, I received a message from her husband, advising me that I would need to stop communication with them, or else he would "need to take care of me".

Not willing to leave this open to interpretation, my husband and I immediately went to the police. We filed an order of protection against the parties who have harassed and threatened us. While we did not want to have to resort to this, the protection of my family and me is a priority.

I now know these people were never true friends. As my mom says, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Obviously, these people are no longer a part of my life. Hindsight really is 20/20. I still can't help feeling very hurt and betrayed. The true issue at hand, which is dealing with the loss of my child, was turned into a complete joke and a basis for cruelty for these people. This behavior has certainly done nothing to help ease the pain of my miscarriage.

I apologize for how long this is and for so much venting. I know it is common for friends to abandon you after suffering a miscarriage, but I have never heard of this level of cruelty and betrayal. How can anybody be so hurtful at a time that is already so painful? I have dealt with bullies as a child, but I foolishly thought that once I reached adulthood, bullies wouldn't exist any more. How wrong I was!

I want to be able to go through the normal grieving process, honor my baby, and get through this incredibly painful time in my life. This cruel behavior has interrupted that, and of course, it has added insult to injury. I am trying to work towards forgiving these people, even though I know they will never be sorry for what they did to me, as they never think they ever do anything wrong. Forgiveness is a process, and it is an incredibly difficult process for me in this case.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to me. I know that encouragement, support, family and friends, faith, and love are what will help me through this. If you can, I would appreciate thoughts and prayers to help me through this unbelievably difficult journey.

Thank you, and God bless you,
Kristin


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## 2sweetboysmom (Aug 1, 2006)

I am so very sorry for your loss and for the additional trauma you and your family have endured at the hands of supposed friends.







There is no excuse for their actions or attitudes. As a Christian I am additionally grieved that others who claim a relationship with Christ would conduct themselves that way.

I was due in July too. (Far too many of us here were) We lost our Michael Sean almost a month ago. (BTW there is a cousin named Michael on both sides and no one has complained)

I pray you find the peace you need to be able to grieve and heal from your loss. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

Joy


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## uumomma (Jun 10, 2007)

i am sorry that this has happened to you... i can only give you a hug...


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## hibana (Jun 9, 2006)

Hoping you heal soon from all of this trauma.


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## Seedlings (Dec 20, 2007)

I am also sorry your having to go thru this







. Praying for you too.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Peace and blessings to you, mama.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

just wow


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

It's amazing that there are such toxic people in the world, but there are. If any good is to come out of this, now you know they are toxic and you can spend the rest of your life without them. Thank God you will be free of them.

I think it's now time for you to try and let it go. Don't let their negativity affect you any more. If you have not already, delete all of the emails and never read them again. Block them all on Facebook. Even change your email address and phone number. Whatever you need to do to be the bigger person and make them "not exist" in your reality.

Perhaps even have a small ceremony for yourself (whatever feels right to you) where you officially "let them go" and promise yourself that you are going to move forward from that point, and they can not drag you down any more.

Also, remember to ask for the white light of protection to help you. I was raised Catholic and we were taught that you can protect yourself and others from ill wishers and other harmful people by putting a white light around yourself or those you wish to protect by asking the white light of the Holy Spirit to enclose and surround you.

Peace and healing to you, mama. My thoughts and prayers are with you and we are all here for you.


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *millefleur* 
Also, remember to ask for the white light of protection to help you. I was raised Catholic and we were taught that you can protect yourself and others from ill wishers and other harmful people by putting a white light around yourself or those you wish to protect by asking the white light of the Holy Spirit to enclose and surround you.

BTW, I just bring up the Catholic thing because the OP is Catholic - the white light can work for anybody and everybody!







:


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry you have had to deal w/all this too. Praying for peace for you.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Yikes. I'm so sorry. I don't understand what the sudden nastiness and childishness has to do with your miscarriage, or why it would even trigger such behavior - I can only guess that these people have mental health problems?! I'm glad you didn't allow yourself to be terrorised, and went to the police.









I hope you can get some peace from these people, and I'm sorry for your loss.


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## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.









I don't think it's just miscarriage that makes people cruel. death in general tends to tear families apart sometimes. I had almost the SAME exact incidences happen after my DH die. Some of the stuff you wrote was told to me in exactly the same way too! (the whole name thing, being told I'm playing "victim", etc) These people are SICK and you did the right thing. It's going to take some time to move on but it WILL happen mama. many many







to you. Grieve the way YOU feel necessary and screw them! I know it hurts but you are better off without these people in your life.


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## Doula Dani (Jan 9, 2008)

Man, the thought that someone could attack you that way after the loss of your baby is insanity. I don't know if I missed something, but was there really any trigger for this?

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. Not only do you grieve for your baby, but also for the loss of people you thought were friends.

My motto is forgive toxic people and then cut them off like a gangrene arm. There anger and bitterness can only hurt themselves if you let them go entirely.

Healing thoughts and prayers your way


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

I`m so sorry you are dealing with toxic people on top of losing your precious baby.
As a Christian I just can`t imagine that anyone true to their faith would be so cruel and heartless. But I agree with you a 100%. Once you forgive them (whether they ask for it or not) you can let them go and the bitterness of it won`t eat at you. I pray for healing and restoration for you.


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