# 7 y/o and cheerleader physical...



## Mamato3wild ponnie (Jan 6, 2007)

I took dd to the doc to get a physical for cheerleading and we saw this other doc because our regualr doc was not ava. in time. So this doc that we see is a older man, i talked to dd about wha they would do..check her ears and eyes and throat and get her bp and temp and all that...well she has on a paper gown and this doc has her lay down and pulls down her underware and checks her..now i was not expecting this and neither was dear daughter. Was this out of line for this doctor to do with out first asking? I was shocked when he did it and by the time i could say something he was done. He also tried to push several vax's..like hep A and the ckn pox vax...i denied...he said it was a no brainer to have these vax's..he also said that when she turns 11 she needs the HPV vax...i'm thinking dude we will never come back here again. Is this normal procedure to check little girls privates like that? I'm on the line of calling the office manager and letting them know how i feel about this. He didnt even ask if he could check her thier he just did it. I've spent all day telling her how no one should look at her privates unless mommy is thier and they ask...she keeps asking me why did he look thier mommy. I feel so bad for her....i keep re-assuring her that the doc has to make sure everything is ok everywhere.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

OMG. Definitely speak to the office manager about it, maybe even your regular doctor. My mom had my doctor check me out when I was 12 (what?!?! !!!!) and I am still really disturbed by that. BADLY. I'm almost 30 yrs old. It FREAKS ME OUT.

That doc definitely needed to say something and talk to you about it BEFORE he went ahead and checked her.







:







to your poor girl!


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## Village Mama (Jul 22, 2004)

That is not OK in my opinion. It needs to be adressed... even if it is jsut because he is completely unaware and insensitive.


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## Mamato3wild ponnie (Jan 6, 2007)

I just called the office manager and explained how horably upset that i am and how traumatized dd is..she asked if the doc could call me back and i flipped out..i said thier is nothing that he could say or do to fix this...i said as a office manager you need to implement a script that all docs use when examing childrens privates...what happened today was totally unexceptable...i've had to explain to dd why he did that several times today....i'm sick to my stomach just thinking about it right now....she said she will address the doc and also our regular female doc...she said either one of them would call me back. She said that this male doc has been her ped for 20 years and i said oh your poor children.....he needs to be stopped right away. Hopefully they will change the way they handle viewing privates form this..


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## lawgrrl (Nov 8, 2004)

Wow. The physician's conduct is very strange, in my opinion and I would take it quite seriously.

My first question is whether there is even a justifiable reason for the doctor to look at your daughter's vagina? I have had many pediatric physical examinations in my lifetime and never, ever, EVER had a pediatrician remove my underwear! Once, when I was about 12 and went to the doctor's office for a stomachache the doctor kindly and discreetly ripped a whole in the paper gown (over my abdomen) so that he didn't have to lift the gown up and expose my naked legs and undies. That visit was almost 30 years ago and I have never forgotten his discretion and thoughtfulness.

Your story reminds me of a friend of mine who always saw the kindly old family doctor in her small town where she grew up. Starting at puberty the ol' doc offered a "complimentary breast exam" each time she went in -- for a cold, flu, fever, stomachache, whatever. When she became an adult she realized that the old codger just used that as an excuse to feel up his young patients.

Your post is a lesson/reminder to all of us. ASK QUESTIONS. Even if it is a medical caregiver; if what they are doing to you [or your child] seems unusual or makes you uncomfortable -- ASK THEM WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND WHY THEY ARE DOING IT and remember, you can always say NO THANKS or STOP!

At the very least, if I were you I would expect a full explanation about why the doctor needed to examine your daughter's vagina. Whatever reason is given, I would ask whether that is the standard protocol for all doctors in the practice. I would really make them nail down the particulars of their story. I would also ask for a copy of the records for that visit and I would be very curious to see whether there are notes on that part of the exam.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

ewwwwwwww.

just ewwwwwww.

I can't think of a single reasonable explanation for that.
I would be filing a complaint.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

My regular pediatrician (all of them in the practice do this) ALWAYS talks to the child before checking genitals! They explain how nobody should look there unless mom's in the room, and see, mom's in the room. Is it ok if I take a quick look to make sure everything is healthy down there? And if the child says no, he or she won't do the check.

The only exception was when the kids were still in diapers- then the dr told me what was going on but didn't ask the baby's permission first. But by age 4 they always gave the whole spiel about "nobody should be looking at your privates except for...." before doing the check.

You definitely should talk to somebody at the dr's office about this unprofessional behavior.


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## Jillson66 (Oct 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
My regular pediatrician (all of them in the practice do this) ALWAYS talks to the child before checking genitals! They explain how nobody should look there unless mom's in the room, and see, mom's in the room. Is it ok if I take a quick look to make sure everything is healthy down there? And if the child says no, he or she won't do the check.

Same here. It's almost certainly a case of an out-of-date doctor doing things the old-school way rather than an indication of anything perverted, but it still needs to be addressed.


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## HeidiAnn67 (Jun 12, 2007)

My peds the same as the PPs.

At my 4 year olds last check, she told him that she was going to look at his privates. That no one can look at them unless Mommy says it's okay, so on.
Then she quickly checked him and that was it. My son was fine, because he knew what was going to happen.

I don't have girls so I don't know if it's normal to check them out or not, but he should have said something before he did it.


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## annekevdbroek (Jun 5, 2005)

Talking to the office manager is probably less useful than talking to the physician who owns/runs the practice. An office manager will not be in charge of what the doctors do. An office manager will run the clerical side of the house- e.g. setting up appointments, managing other office workers, billing, etc.

I agree that this seems odd, to say the least. I would also say to speak to your usual doctor about this. I can't imagine why a physician would need to look at a young girl's genitals during a routine physical exam.


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## DayDreamer (Aug 14, 2006)

My family doc checked my then-not-quite 6 yr olds genital area the last time I had her seen. It was because we suspect precocious puberty.

Before she checked her she explained, as PP, what she was doing and NO ONE should ever look/touch her there except a doctor if mommy or daddy say it's ok. (etc)

Then we had to see a pediatric endocrinologist and during her exam she unzipped DD's shorts and peaked under her panties. She did not explain what was going on, but I had talked to DD before hand. I wished she would have asked DD and myself first, though. I think it was just so routine for her (b/c of the reason we were there).

If he just peaked in and was checking for pubic hair I wouldn't be as freaked out, but if he removed her entire panties and went farther than that I'd be livid.

I feel for your DD. She wasn't prepared and I can understand being freaked out.


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## Pastrydemon (Feb 3, 2005)

That happened to me at about age 12. No warning -- my mom was in the room I think. I had almost forgotten about it. It really, really creeped me out but I was never able to talk to my mom about it.

I think that ped. was WAY out of line!


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pastrydemon* 
That happened to me at about age 12. No warning -- my mom was in the room I think. I had almost forgotten about it. It really, really creeped me out but I was never able to talk to my mom about it.

It's weird, right?! I asked my mom just a month or so ago why she let that happen or why she asked the doc to check and she didn't even remember.







:

Things not to subject my own dd to when she's 12...







:


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## Mamato3wild ponnie (Jan 6, 2007)

If they all do this in this particular practice then i would of choosen a female doc....poor dd was telling her best friend today about going to the doc and her mom over heard my dd say i had to lay down like i was having a baby....bless her heart..this really has traumatized her. I;m not sure what else i should do about it. This is a small practice with 3-4 ped's and the office manager normally handles complaints like this...and forwards them over to the doc's. Hopefully our main ped will call us back. Which is a female. Another thing about this doc is that he was pushing that i vax for Hep A and Ckn Px and i refused and once i refused he made an extra effort to find where her immunization file was and make sure i had kept up with her immunizations. It was like he came back into the room several times and left again with her chardt until he found the imm record. So overall several things about him freaked me out.


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

Ruthla said:


> My regular pediatrician (all of them in the practice do this) ALWAYS talks to the child before checking genitals! They explain how nobody should look there unless mom's in the room, and see, mom's in the room. Is it ok if I take a quick look to make sure everything is healthy down there? And if the child says no, he or she won't do the check.
> 
> The only exception was when the kids were still in diapers- then the dr told me what was going on but didn't ask the baby's permission first. But by age 4 they always gave the whole spiel about "nobody should be looking at your privates except for...." before doing the check.
> 
> ...


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

I'd say out of date, not out of line. We rarely do check-ups and can't remember the last physical. dd did recently go for an issue down there and just as the male MD started to give the "I'm going to have a quick look" there was a knock on the door and the doctor left, dd then told me she didn't want the doctor looking down there. When the doctor came back I told him we'd like to skip that part, he asked me if everything looked fine, I knew it did and we left it at that. dd now wants a female doctor, but just our luck it is an all male practice







:


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## Sage_SS (Jun 1, 2007)

WHOA!!!! OMG!!! wtf??? I'd have lost it on that old man! It was a check up for CHEERLEADING! Since when do cheerleaders require the use of genitalia?? My daughter is in cheerleading... wow.. I'm shocked and disgusted.


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## amcal (Jan 13, 2003)

I don't think it's unusual to take a quick peek - just like dr's check ears, nose, eyes, mouth etc... it's part of a thorough exam to take a peek to make sure there's nothing going on. But, a good doctor would explain first what was going to happen and hopefully give the child (or parent) the option of saying no.


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

Another vote for out of line.

Our regular doc always explains not just what she is going to do but why along with privacy issues and then asks my daughter's permission. Ditto the ped urologist we have seen. She has been told it should be okay with her and if she is unsure she should talk to her parents and then decide. I was impressed that the doc still left the power with my daughter and not herself or me. There was no it's private except for certain people.

Wouldn't you expect this courtesy for yourself? There is no reason to treat a child like any less of a person. If the child doesn't understand what is happening it is the perfect time for the parent and doctor to explain more to them about their bodies and the respect they deserve.

I hope your daughter is okay and that this practice changes the way they handle these situations.


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## edamommy (Apr 6, 2004)

i work for a family practice and we do NOT do pelvic exams (or check under the panty checks?!?!?!) for a sportsphysical


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Out of line. Particularly because he didn't say anything to you or your dd first.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I vote out of line. I'd call my regular doc first. Then decide where to go from there.


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## Electra375 (Oct 2, 2002)

i remember as a little girl having the docs look at my privates, i hated it

I do know our pediatrician does this, but she has a scripted talk before hand. I still do not like it, but I have yet to be able to say anything that would sound intelligent to stop it.

On the boys it's for hernias and I have no clue on my dd what for, she is 3.


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## Pastrydemon (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Justthatgirl* 
It's weird, right?! I asked my mom just a month or so ago why she let that happen or why she asked the doc to check and she didn't even remember.







:

Things not to subject my own dd to when she's 12...







:

I KNOW! I had nearly forgotten about that until I read this thread. To make matters worse, my family knew this guy socially....ewww! I know my mom wouldn't remember either. Crazy.


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## MelanieMC (Jul 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sage_SS* 
WHOA!!!! OMG!!! wtf??? I'd have lost it on that old man! It was a check up for CHEERLEADING! Since when do cheerleaders require the use of genitalia?? My daughter is in cheerleading... wow.. I'm shocked and disgusted.

I totally think it's out of line too (and i would never go back to this doc in a million years), but - I know that a lot of sleep-away camps have a health form a doc must fill out and most of them have a checklist for the doc to say they are ok or not. Genitals are usually on the list. I don't know why, I guess so if they get hurt they can't claim it happened there.







. Anyway, even if the form had that on it I would expect the doc to ask first, and I would say no, that I can confirm that everything is fine and doesn't need to be checked out (all they do is look, not feel, so a parent would know if things were alright). I honestly don't care if he's "old school" or whatever, that doesn't give him the right to look at anyones body without their permission (esp. a child).


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Good lord, how inappropriate. Not the check itself, but the fact that he didn't warn your dd or get her permission first







:


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## Jillson66 (Oct 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MelanieMC* 
I honestly don't care if he's "old school" or whatever, that doesn't give him the right to look at anyones body without their permission (esp. a child).

For the record, I don't think it was okay, either. I think it was wrong. I just don't think it's automatically pervy.


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## <~*MamaRose*~> (Mar 4, 2007)

Sorry that your DD was made uncomfortable at her visit.









BUT...
When you go for a physical don't you expect everything to be checked? Yes, I realize as a grown woman you would maybe get a pelvic too if it was due and I assume he did not do an internal on her but just looked. When I bring the children in for a full physical it's a full physical and *everything* is checked. I can only see your outrage partially but not fully. It would have been better bedside manner for sure on the docs part but what exactly did you think a physical was? Maybe you should have asked what exactly would be done at this appointment when you booked it...I've often had to do this as I don't always just know what is going to be done and that way I can prepare the kids and dh (I swear he is worse than the children) about what to expect.

So I guess my opinion is that this doc wasn't out of line and creepy but more lacking bedside manner.

ETA~ I just reread my my post a realized it sounded confrontational and I just wanted to clarify that my questions were not intended to be mean spirited sounding but just questions.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

My ped did this when I was a girl and I still remember feeling violated by it.


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## alaska (Jun 12, 2004)

I agree, the way the doc went about the physical was very wrong. I'm sorry your DD is still bothered by it. Could you have your regular doc talk to your DD about it? Her trust in the process has been violated, if she were my DD, I'd want to do what I could to fix that.


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mamato3wild ponnie* 
I've spent all day telling her how no one should look at her privates unless mommy is thier and they ask...she keeps asking me why did he look thier mommy. I feel so bad for her....i keep re-assuring her that the doc has to make sure everything is ok everywhere.

Oh my goodness! That was so out of line!

I would not tell her that "no one can look at her privates unless mommy says so" though. She needs to learn that her body is HERS to control. No priavte-part checks unless SHE feels comfortable with it and and gives the okay. anything is sexual abuse, imo. I would NOT tell her that "the doc has to make sure everything is ok everywhere" I would say what really happened: the doctor did something wrong and you are so sorry you didn't stop him in time-- you were in shock. You can tell her you made a mistake and you will make sure to protect her next time. This way you can regain her trust and validate her experience of the situation.

What you are telling her right now is minimizing her feelings of violation and trauma and telling her that she is not in control of her body and that her body is not special.

All of this coming from a survivor of childhood sexual molestation. Again, my sympathies to you and your poor daughter.


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Electra375* 
I do know our pediatrician does this, but she has a scripted talk before hand. I still do not like it, but I have yet to be able to say anything that would sound intelligent to stop it.

Tell them that it is your child's choice, and they don't have to do it if they don't feel comfortable. Don't let your child get pressured into it if they are not comfortable with it, just reiterate to the doctor, "[Child] is not ready yet." Smile and nod at anything else and continue to repeat things like "[Child] doesn't feel comfortable with this yet. It's his [her] body and his [her] choice." Repeat ad nauseam as necessary. If necessary, say "[Child and I are not comfortable being pressured into this and I think we'll leave now. Thank you." Further more, if child allows the quick check, let them know they can change their minds at any time during the process (even though it is quick). You can tell the doctor that you are teaching your children to be empowered about their own bodies.

Be confident in your decisions. YOU are in charge. There is nothing negligent about refusing a check of these sensitive areas.

_This is where it starts, people! Children need to know that they can ALWAYS SAY NO when it comes to their body!_


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
My regular pediatrician (all of them in the practice do this) ALWAYS talks to the child before checking genitals! They explain how nobody should look there unless mom's in the room, and see, mom's in the room. Is it ok if I take a quick look to make sure everything is healthy down there? And if the child says no, he or she won't do the check.

THIS is how it should be!!!!


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## 2tadpoles (Aug 8, 2004)

I think it's weird and unnecessary, and it should be addressed.

On a side note, I recently left another forum which I've been part of for five years. There has been a lot of conflict lately, and I can totally handle conflict and debate, but the thread just sent me over the edge and I was deemed "hysterical," which was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back.

Apparently, lots of people think that little girls should see a gynecologist after they get their first periods. That's what the discussion was about. I think that little girls (and boys, for that matter) don't need anyone poking around in their privates for no good reason.


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## Mamato3wild ponnie (Jan 6, 2007)

I ended up calling and our regular ped called me back the next day. She apologized over and over again. I told her that the practice needs to have a formal policy and script on checking children genitalia. And this was unacceptable and that we will never see this man again. She said that all the doc's do it different and i said that needs to change asap. She was concerend about how dd was handling it. I told her that i've been talking to her about it, and that dd has no idea that i was so upset. I would never let my dd know how outraged i was. That would just add to the fire. Our regular doc also thanked me for calling and letting them know how i feel. I hope that this will help change there procedure. The other thing i'm a little concerned about is i do rounds at the hospital that this practice rounds at. I could run into this man at any time....OMG if i do i will have to turn the other way quickly because if i see him again. It will not be nice. Thank all of you for supporting me in calling and addressing this issue. Hopefully i helped save another child from this horrible doc.


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## MomToKandE (Mar 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeidiAnn67* 
My peds the same as the PPs.

At my 4 year olds last check, she told him that she was going to look at his privates. That no one can look at them unless Mommy says it's okay, so on.
Then she quickly checked him and that was it. My son was fine, because he knew what was going to happen.

I don't have girls so I don't know if it's normal to check them out or not, but he should have said something before he did it.

That's basically the script that they use with both dd and ds at their well checks. They tell them what they're going to do, remind them that it's only OK because mom/dad is here and says it's OK, and then they do a quick check. Instead of being traumatic it turns it into a good teaching moment about safety.


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