# "The third one is the one that ruins the body"



## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

This has been one of those things repeated often among all of my friends, family and so on. I've grown up hearing it.
Ruined meaning vaginally, weight loss wise, whatever I'm not sure what is exactly 'ruined' by the third preg/birth.
Is there any truth into the 3rd pregnancy taking the most toll on your body?

ETA: This is just something I've heard. I was wondering what the hell it could mean. This is NOT something I think







Update to this is on post #34


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

My second pregnancy took the biggest toll on my body. Third and fourth brought no changes.


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## zoe398 (Jul 8, 2005)

For me, the 3rd has been the more difficult to lose weight from. And after a 3rd pregnancy, my boobies are quite droopy!








BUT, I don't care!!! I feel great, eat well, and exercise. Yes, sometimes I think it would be nice to have perky boobies again and a belly that doesn't jiggle...but such is life!


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

I looked awesome when I was pregnant with #3 - I only gained 20 pounds, she was 8/8, it was my BEST labor, I did have a small skidmark from a compount presentation but DH and I were back at the deed 3.5 weeks later







with no issues.
Now, I will tell you that it was the first time I really experienced Mommy Brain







: I had a hard time remembering stuff and feeling together and then got pregnant with #4 pretty quick so it took a couple of years before I felt like myself mentally.
Of course then I went and got pregnant again









Oh, and by 3 weeks I had lost all but 2 pounds and ended up 3 pounds less than when I started before getting pregnant again.

Keri


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## mamaroni (Sep 12, 2003)

For me, the 3rd pg was the most difficult -- terrible pubic pain, ligament pain, etc etc that I didn't have much the first two times. The third also brought on some harsh ppd that I didn't have the first 2 times. And I actually got to my thinnest point of adulthood after pg #3 (but probably due to the ppd). And vaginally, I didn't have any tears so no changes there. I also had 3 babies in 3.5 years which really really took a toll on me.

I'm feeling pretty well now though!


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Nah, it's the first one.









I could see that the third would 'ruin' your body if you have two little ones close in age and your body is not getting the optimal nutrition/exercise it needs, iykwim.
Then again, that can happen with any pregnancy. I know with my second pg, I was extremely poor and was not able to eat well. Now my teeth have those spots on them from loss of calcium(?). And my arthritis got really, really bad.


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

nope, not true for me or the women in my family.
now with the 3rd it was hard in a different way, I could easily manage 2 kids but when I had 3 it was divide and conquer the older 2 would go in different directions and I had a baby in arms--- so one was always bound to get away with... I had to also do much more meal planning and start prep eariler in the day


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## amygoforth (Jun 21, 2005)

Why do people say things like that?









Yes, pregnancy--any pregnancy--will have an effect on your body. But who cares?! Grr.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darsmama* 
This has been one of those things repeated often among all of my friends, family and so on. I've grown up hearing it.
Ruined meaning vaginally, weight loss wise, whatever I'm not sure what is exactly 'ruined' by the third preg/birth.
Is there any truth into the 3rd pregnancy taking the most toll on your body?

My third full term pregnancy was great in many aspects but was one of the hardest on my body.


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## Hey Mama! (Dec 27, 2003)

In my case the third did do the most damage, weight wise. I cannot lose the baby weight over a year later, and with my other two I had lost the baby weight plus some. But I don't really see any difference in other areas. Oh, I lost a ton of hair this time and now it's really dry and breaks easy but I don't know if I can contribute that to pregnancy or stress. As far a physical damage the first I had an episiotomy and the second is when I got all the stretch marks. I guess each one did it's toll on me. And, because I had hyper emesis with all 3 I have a really weak gag reflex now, and any sort of hard coughing will make me puke.


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## wifeandmom (Jun 28, 2005)

My body missed that memo.









My first was a full term twin pg. My stomach will never be the same again. Major plastic surgery would be the only realistic hope for repairing the damage done to my stomach by carrying almost 14 pounds of babies.

My second was much, much easier overall. I hardly felt pg, much less ready to actually have a baby, despite the fact that #3 was over 8.5 pounds.

This third pg has been tough. Not so much body wise, but I'm sicker, feel horrible, can't breathe, ligament pain much worse, nausea much worse, just overall feel like crap. However, I attribute this to being older this time around (not old, just older, as I can only imagine it gets harder as we age), weighed 60+ pounds more at conception, and probably most sigificantly I have three small children to care for.

With my twin pg, I could and did lie on the couch a lot. A lot I tell ya. If I got to the grocery store and felt queasy, I'd turn around and go home. That's just not an option now. It makes it a lot harder when I have to 'suck it up' and keep going instead of being able to truly listen to my body, rest when needed, etc.

Weight wise, my first resulted in a 50 pound loss within 3 weeks post-partum (gained 17 total, but started out overweight). My second resulted in a 30 pound loss over 4 weeks post-partum (gained 34 total, started out overweight, but not as bad as 1st time around).

Current pg, I'm down 20 pounds from conception at 28w3d, but this puts me 20ish OVER where I delivered before. We shall see what post-partum holds for weight loss, but I admit to really hoping I drop 30+ pounds again. I ought to get *something* out of being sick for 9 months in the weight department!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

I agree with wifeandmom--I believe my "issues" after my third baby were a function of age, not number of babies









Personally, I don't find much "conventional wisdom" to be true about pregnancy and birth because of the cultural context. Well, yes, your vagina/vulva might be altered after three rounds of episiotomies, vacuum extractions, valsalva pushing, etc etc.

My breasts are in a whole new area of my body than ever before...not because I've been nursing and/or pregnant for the past eight years...but because gravity is a fact of life









I'm not even comfortable using ruin in the same sentence as. Pregnancy or birth







Words can convey powerful beliefs. Let's be careful out there


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

Hm, well, I'm in the best post-partum shape now out of all 3 of my pregnancies/births (DS is only 2 weeks old).
My body is really snapping back quickly, I'm pretty amazed.

I know that after my Mom had her 3rd she never got back down to her pre-pregnancy weight, but she was over 30 too, so that might have had something to do with it.


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## KittyKat (Nov 17, 2002)

Nothing about my life has been "ruined" by any of my 5 living children. Sure my belly is saggier, my boobs look different, I have stretch marks, but I wouldn't trade any of it!

However I can say my "innocence" and optimism were "ruined" by losing one... I still wouldn't give up one second of the precious time I had with him.


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amygoforth* 
Why do people say things like that?









Yes, pregnancy--any pregnancy--will have an effect on your body. But who cares?! Grr.


I know...pretty freakin' annoying. You have beautiful babies afterward...who really cares.


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

My first was the hardest on my body. With my second, there really isn't much of a difference. I attribute that to the fact that he was a natural birth with a m/w, and #1 was in a hospital with an epidural & an epis... cut (can't spell it) and I was horribly depressed from a bad marriage for the whole thing.

We'll see what #3 brings, but I have a feeling I'll still say #1 was the hardest.


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## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

I've never heard that, though I have heard of "third baby syndrome" meaning that the third pregnancy and birth is oftentimes vastly different than the previous two.

I haven't figured out why a third would "ruin" you. Your sanity sometimes, sure, but not your body.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

My third pregnancy was my hardest, but I wouldn't say it "ruined" me! It was my longest pregnancy by more than two weeks, my biggest baby (with the biggest head) and the only baby who was actually head down at term. All those things made a difference in my comfort level and I did have some pronounced pain in the lower pelvis over the last few weeks.

As far as pp...my third section trashed me much worse than either of my first two. I can't speak for the vaginal issues, because I'm one of those "lucky" women with an unstretched vagina. uke

My cousin had three kids, and she said she would have had more, but her second one really caused her a lot of problems, and afterwards, carrying her third was brutal. If asked, she'd say that, if any of them did so, her second "ruined" her body, not her third.


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MITB*
I could see that the third would 'ruin' your body if you have two little ones close in age and your body is not getting the optimal nutrition/exercise it needs, iykwim.

Exactly. I did have a tough time with my third mainly because I had two little ones to take care of too. With my fourth I took more of a break between babies, so that in itself made for an easier pregnancy and postpartum. I certainly have not been "ruined" though. My body feels pretty much the same as it did after the first and second and my sexual life is hunky dory thank you very much.







Now the question is, how much of that has to do with the fact that I didn't allow anyone to fool around with my genitals during birth or tell me to push out a baby on my back before my body was ready for it?


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

It seems as though many of the things listed would be a factor in 3rd births just because someone's older. For instance, taking longer to loose the baby weight--well, people put on weight as they get older. Skin being saggier--skin is less elastic as it ages. Etc...

Even if *everyone* had problems with their 3rd child it wouldn't "prove" that 3rd pregnancies are "bad".


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

My first pregnancy "ruined" my body. I didn't have a vaginal birth so no damage there, but I still have the stretch marks/stomach overhang and boobs 3+ cup sizes bigger than when I started. That's what having twins does to you if you're too lazy to exercise after they're born.


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## Full Heart (Apr 27, 2004)

Not true for me. Its the pg after which I stopped being able to loose weight but I found I am healthier now than I was when I was thin so what do I care? lol

We always joke that once you have 3 you and dh are out numbered so its all down hill from there. Doesn't matter if you have 1 more or 6...its all the same cause you're already out numbered.


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## MamaTaraX (Oct 5, 2004)

Hrm... I thin each one did a different number on me







With my 3rd, I got the biggest, but he was also the biggest baby. He as my fastest birth. Theo nly one that I had PPD afterwards. Body wise? EH. I have no clue. My yoni seems just fine and dandy (DH ain't complainin'!) I'm not really trying to lose weight or anything, but I'm sure that if I puit a little more effort into it, it wouldn't be so bad. I'm just about my pre-preg weight (8 mos postpartum) Well, okay, at 6 mos I stood on a scale and was almost my pre-preg weight but not quite my pre-preg body







I think a lot of people say a lot of stupid things sometimes









Namaste, Tara


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

My seventh baby was hardest on me, and I am sure that was due to being a bit older. With the birth of my sixth baby, I was five pounds heavier than I had been before my first. Now, after my seventh baby and eighth pgcy, I am some 30 lbs over. I had more aches and pains with my 7th too.


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## Katana (Nov 16, 2002)

Three, pshaw. The body is just warming up at three.

Come back when you're on you're 18th and post this again.









And congratulations, Fertile Myrtle.









I will say, beware of pregnancy brain. It's four months out for me, and I'm just starting to feel like I know how to think and form sentences again.


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## Sagesgirl (Nov 22, 2001)

The third pregnancy was the hardest on me physically in some ways. I was sick as a dog most of the time, lightheaded, etc. Couldn't get through grocery shopping without sitting down to rest and have the commissary quit spinning. I also got a lot bigger, and my baby was bigger.

But, ruined my body? Nope. Or, I mean, _yeah, that's it!_ It's the baby's fault! It has NOTHING to do with those puffy tacos...or those enchiladas...or those doughnuts...


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## Pandora114 (Apr 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies* 
Nah, it's the first one.









I could see that the third would 'ruin' your body if you have two little ones close in age and your body is not getting the optimal nutrition/exercise it needs, iykwim.
Then again, that can happen with any pregnancy. I know with my second pg, I was extremely poor and was not able to eat well. Now my teeth have those spots on them from loss of calcium(?). And my arthritis got really, really bad.


That's how it was with my first pregnancy. I still have calcium loss cavities in my back teeth due to malnutrition during it....My knee gives out at random times too....

I think it has to do with the nutrition aspect and how much you have stored than the acctual pregnancy itself in how it affects your body.


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## mackenziesmama (May 24, 2005)

How could a pregnancy or birth "ruin" a body??

I long to have a stretched vagina-it means I birthed a baby the way nature intended. (And I will birth naturally come March!)

I love my droopy boobies-it means I was blessed to give my children the gift of warm milk.

I love my flabby tummy-it means I had life within, that I felt my babies kick and grow.

I even love my pregnancy brain-it means I have something very magical going inside.

Sure, maybe every once in a great, great while, I wish I had a flat tummy, tiny perky boobies, and normally-functioning brain, but who cares?!?


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## monkeys4mama (Apr 25, 2006)

Ruin you? What on earth does that mean? I've had five pregnancies w/ one early miscarriage and four live births. My body is now ten years older and 40 lbs fatter. My boobs are about four times larger. LOL! My tummy is pudgy and I've got a stretch mark or two. There are smile lines around my eyes and some grey streaks in my hair. But my hair went from nearly straight to wavy all over, a little bit at a time, with each pregnancy. My arms are stronger from lifting and hugging. My bladder still works fine.







When I was young and thin and not a mom yet, I worried all the time about my weight and my appearance and my clothes. I was never satisfied with any of it and felt far worse about my body than I do now. I don't spend much time fussing and fretting over those things anymore. Instead, I am awed that my body carried and nurtured these fine little people. And I'm thrilled that my breasts have continued to nourish and comfort them. Our bodies change with time. Bearing children changes our bodies too. But none of us, whether we have eight children or none, will have the same body today that we had ten years ago. And I'll gladly take the body I have and the children I have, rather than trading back for my old body (even if I could have it back minus the ten years of aging).


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

My 2nd pg changed my body the most. I suspect it's because the pg were so close together (my girls are 16.5m apart.) 3rd baby didn't make any difference on my body.


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## mandib50 (Oct 26, 2004)

i found my last (4th) pregnancy the hardest on my body but the only thing i really notice from having my kids are saggy boobs and also i have to pee alot







i think it impacted my bladder more than anything.
other than that i'm fit and lean so i'm not complaining








no stretch marks is a great blessing too








oh and one last thing lol i am pretty sure my vagina is not ruined, whatever that means!


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## boscopup (Jul 15, 2005)

When my MIL were talking about how many kids I plan to have (3 for sure, although I wouldn't mind 4), my MIL said "Just don't have more than 4. All the women I know who have more than 4 are in really poor health", yadda yadda yadda. Frankly, most of the women I know IRL who have more than 4 kids are incredibly healthy. But these are the ones that are eating well, birth naturally, etc. The women my MIL knows are all mainstream folks. I was just really perturbed by her comment. I don't even know *what* health problems she's talking about. But oh well... if I wanted more than 4 kids (I doubt DH would EVER go for that... even 4 would be pushing it for him! I finally talked him into definitely doing 3!), I'd have more than 4 kids. I'm proud of my post-birth body. Yes, I weigh a bit more (I gain weight while breastfeeding), and my boobs are much bigger and are droopy. Who cares? I'm not a fashion model. My looks aren't the most important thing to me. And I wouldn't trade my children for a perfect tummy or perfect boobs!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boscopup* 
Yes, I weigh a bit more (I gain weight while breastfeeding), and my boobs are much bigger and are droopy. Who cares? I'm not a fashion model. My looks aren't the most important thing to me. And I wouldn't trade my children for a perfect tummy or perfect boobs!

Except for my c-section scar, I _have_ a perfect tummy...the droop and the stretchmarks just say "I'm a mom", and I'm not trying to hide that. And, I definitely have perfect boobs...they've nourished three tremendously healthy children. Most conventionally "perfect" boobs I've seen are faked with implants, and that doesn't seem perfect to me...it just seems fake...


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## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

Whoa, I think some of you took my repeating what my (ignorant) family members said as if *I* said it.
I was genuinely confused what could be 'ruined' with a third pregnancy. My sister in law and brother say it A LOT this time around with my my pregnancy and instead of just saying "What do you mean by that" I just nod cause...well...I love them and don't want to hear anything too negative.









Please don't mistake my question as this is what I thought.

I'm curious about PPD being worse with #3. Is that typically true?


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## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

Katie, I don't know if PPD gets worse with each baby, but I can say having help and alot of support will make a difference postpartum. Just let the mamas know if you need anything - and really ask for what you need.

I'm totally in awe of you! I would never be able to handle. Never.


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## goodcents (Dec 19, 2002)

3rd smird. i think i lost it before i ever had kids







but boy am i ONE HOT MAMA NOW!!!!!!!


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## member234098 (Aug 3, 2002)

The fifth did me in, but I was also older and less active.

I never was material for SEVENTEEN Magazine anyway.


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## Katana (Nov 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darsmama* 
I'm curious about PPD being worse with #3. Is that typically true?

I don't know if it's worse, more so that it's just different.

Definitely, if you can have someone or several people to help you with your other two, that will make a big difference.

I will never, ever, ever, be able to thank my friends enough for taking my older two all around, the first three months after dd2 was born. The few hours they went to the pool, or to the park almost every day really helped me hold it all together.

It's really, really hard to try to tend to three, all at once. And they mostly always need help at once. My dh travels all spring and summer, so there was no help there.

I am happy to say, I actually did much better with #3 then with the first two. But I've learned how to ask for help, and not be ashamed to need it, in the last eight years.

I think it's much easier to get overwhelmed, the more you have. Because there's so many needs, and you're just one person. Even with a helpful dh, things can get hairy.

Good luck to you.


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## mother culture (Oct 19, 2004)

I am a little fatter but I can't excersize like I use to especially since I am always sewing now and sitting is baaaad for the booty and belly! I have a strong vagina and othewise I am no worse for the third. My breasts are still perkey ( lucky Me) I am ready for a fourth but I would rather tone the back and abdominal first. I will say that emotionally it is draining and can put a damper on the love intrest!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

However I can say my "innocence" and optimism were "ruined" by losing one... I still wouldn't give up one second of the precious time I had with him.
Kathryn









Katie, I agree w/Katana about the third baby and asking for help. I unexpectedly had my third much closer to my second than I would have planned, but now, wouldn't change things for the world







It was really tough to try and meet so many people's needs all at the same time--two of whom had _no_ idea what wait please meant







. It was a juggling act to be sure...but I think you know all about that









I've always heard the third baby is the wildcard birth---totally different from the first two. Very true for me! Adventure ahead










I think you're going to be just fine. I try and tune out anyone who says anything negative---lalalalalala I can't hear you


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