# Has anyone ever told you you are a good mom?



## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

(besides your kids, my daughter told me when she was three I was the best mom she ever had)









Because no one has ever really told me that..well I get cards on mother's day but really, you would think someone would say something.

My dh is a wonderful, but he's never said that. I think I am going to ask him







:

Is it just something people don't think to do? I think I am going to make a point of telling moms that from now on. I know a lot of wonderful mothers.


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## AlbertaJes (May 11, 2006)

My DH tells me all the time, so does my Mom.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

One time an older man in a restaraunt complimented my parenting. I was very flattered. On his way out, the waitresses told him happy birthday (I guess he was a regular). I thought about how nice it was that he took the time on his birthday to say something so nice to someone. After he was gone, I asked the waitress for the check, but she told me he had paid it (and she fessed up that he had covered her tip as well)! (Don't worry, we tipped her big anyway - gotta pay it forward, right?). Anyhow, I still tear up thinking about it, and I can't even think of anything spectacular I did that day (aside from have a newborn at the breast the whole time and a toddler who decided not to scream that day







).


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## babz (Jun 21, 2006)

Yes, my dh tells me quite often.









People who watch DS, who is usually much better behaved for them than for us.









Also, I was at the grocery store and DS was all over the place - in and out of the cart, up and down the aisle (though he stayed in eyesight), and I was sort of keeping one eye on him and the other on the tea that I was looking for. A lady looking for tea also commented on how spirited he is and how I handle it well. That was really nice.


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## AdInAZ (Jun 20, 2007)

Yes! My mom and MIL have both told me so.

Several strangers have, one while I was breastfeeding.

But the one that meant the most to me, was when my then 3 year old was having a MAJOR meltdown in the dressing room at a public pool. My daughter's screams had cleared everyone out, and I couldn't get her dressed. I was just sitting on the bench wondering what I was going to do as my dd was throwing her shoes around when a women came in and sympathized with me. Told me her little one (now grown up) was the same way as my dd and she gave me a hug, told me I was a good mama, and even got my dd to calm down. She was awesome! Still makes me tear up when I think of it. Thing is, when I saw her coming over, I thought for sure she was going to criticize me for letting my daughter be so wild or something. I make sure to offer words of support now to other mamas.


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

the lady at the childrens second hand store does every time I go in..I love her!! my papaw always does.


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

Family (including dh) have. Also I was in the library once and an older woman came up to me and said that it was obvious I loved being a mother and was really happy being with my children. So maybe not exactly the same thing, but it was really nice to hear nonetheless!


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 
Because no one has ever really told me that..well I get cards on mother's day but really, you would think someone would say something.

My dh is a wonderful, but he's never said that. I think I am going to ask him







:

Is it just something people don't think to do? I think I am going to make a point of telling moms that from now on. I know a lot of wonderful mothers.

If you are wanting your dh to notice this and give you feedback, definitely discuss it! Also along these lines, the Five Languages of Love might be an interesting read for you. We found it really helpful.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I'll tell you! I think you're a very good mom, based on your previous posts.

My sisters tell me all the time, so at least your dds will be able to tell each other, right?


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## DBassett (May 15, 2007)

My mom and my cousin's wife tell me a lot. Some people online have told me too. Oddly enough, IDK that DP ever has... I don't think it's bc he doesn't think that of me, I just think it's more of a thing that it never crossed his mind to tell me (or at least I hope that's what it is)


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

When Rain was about 18 months old, I remember going out to a fast-food type sushi place with her, and we were chatting about stuff as we ate, looking at the pictures on the placemat and stuff.. because at that age, I needed to keep her engaged all the time or she'd take off and start throwing stuff... and as we were leaving, an older women came over and told us how much she'd enjoyed watching and listening to us, and what a good mom I was... and you know, that was 13 years ago and I still really remember it, and treasure that memory... so I've tried to make a point of saying something to moms who I see doing wonderful mom, because I think we need to hear that.

dar


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## Terrilein (Jan 9, 2007)

I can only recall being told that twice and by the least likely people - my ex and his mother on separate occasions. Both meant it in hindsight - at the time everyone thought I was nuts parenting my way and sticking to my guns. After a few years it apparently paid off. Grandma loves to have her over since she's not a screaming, tantrumming child like her other grandchildren. And my ex - after we separated - meant that I'd actually done a good job with dd. And that's the thing that bugs me. I don't necessarily contribute my dd's wonderful behavior to my parenting. I rather feel my parenting just brings out the best in her. It's all her disposition and I'm just cultivating it with GD.


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## scbegonias (Aug 15, 2003)

You know, I can't recall if DH has said this. I'm guessing yes, but can't put my finger on it.

My mother does all the time. MIL tells me how good I am with DH, but has recommended supernanny for DD







: .

That said, many strangers have commented on how patient DH and I are with DD. They made us feel wonderful, but it wasn't until DS was born and the reality of how spirited DD can be hit us that we got what they were saying







.

The best ever was last spring at the airport. DD was having a major meltdown. I couldn't even touch her. All I could do was sit near her as she writhed on the floor and let her know it would all be over soon (and try to get some rescue remedy into her boarding was imminent). A woman walked up to me and said 'this too shall pass, you're doing great!' Later on, I saw her doing yoga. She made me feel at peace







: .


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## woobysma (Apr 20, 2004)

My family tells me often (they also tell me when I'm slipping, so it's not all sunshine and rainbows







).

Both my ex's have told me that on seperate occations - and I try to just accept the compliment without thinking about the fact that a trained monkey would look like a good parent next to them









My coworkers have said it many times, too. Mostly, I think they just adore the boys and think I must be doing a great job. I'll take a little credit, but I think they're just awesome kids all on their own







:

I've had a couple strangers say things and one very sweet woman in a diner complimented my interactions with DS1 when he was little. That meant a lot because I remember being in one of my single-mamma stressed out days and it was nice to hear that, from the outside, I seemed to be doing OK.







:


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

DH tells me weekly (as well as telling me what a great wife I am).







: My mom and aunt do too.

The shocker was this past weekend when DH's stepmom told me what a good mom I was. She has never had kids and doesn't really understand the daily realities. When I confessed how sometimes I feel like a terrible mom, she told me that instead she saw how patient I was with super spirited, high need DS.







:


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natensarah* 









I'll tell you! I think you're a very good mom, based on your previous posts.

My sisters tell me all the time, so at least your dds will be able to tell each other, right?

thank you









I wasn't fishin'.

I have people say "I don't know how you do it"(4 kids, dh gone all the time etc.) and I have people compliment my kid's behaviour and I think people say it with the intent to compliment me. But I can't think I ever had a direct compliment.

As to my dh, he's "compliment challenged"







but I know his heart. He thinks it..but isn't good at saying so.

I think moms need to hear that though, don't you?


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## harmat (Jan 31, 2005)

Dx, only once though. Which reminds me, I have to compliment him again, I think he's an awesome dad









Also had positive feedback from dd's preschool teacher and my mum. The latter just after critisizing something about my parenting, and then actually thinking about it for a second. Apparantly she likes the way dd's turning out.


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## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

My DH, despite all our issues, tells me all the time. My mom and dad have both told me. Oh yeah, and my therapist - she tells me all the time.


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## elizawill (Feb 11, 2007)

i have had people tell me i'm a good mom. i have also been told several times that my children are very well-behaved. there have been a few times i'm tempted to say, "really? then please keep them by all means. because they've been awful for me!".









i don't know you mama, but i'd bet if you come to a parenting thread for support and to learn how to love and discipline your children gently - you ARE a GREAT mom! plus you have 4 kids! moms with more than 2 children are my heros!!! seriously! i have 3 sisters and we're all a year apart! my sister closest to me is 13 months older. after my first child - i called my mom and was like HOW DID YOU HAVE 4? YOU'RE MY HERO MOM! .


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

My dh doesn't tell me I'm a good mom. Maybe once or twice?







Our oldest is 6 1/2 so....







. I know he thinks I am... I'd just really love to hear it.

But my sisters tell me alot, I have friends that tell me too. And one time my dd was about 4 and my ds was 18 mos or so and I was feeling especially frazzled and really like _not a good mom_ at all and we were at my il's and fil came and sat where I was soothing one of the kids while calming the other and when the little storm passed he looked right at me and said~ "you are a terrific mom" and walked away. It was one of those







: moments.

My dc teachers have told me too.

I try to make a point of telling the fantastic moms I know how great they are. And I know alot!!


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## izzysmama (Aug 12, 2006)

DP would tell me all the time when DD was an infant, but now that it's hard for us to have a normal conversation, it doesn't come up much and I find myself fishing.







Because - yeah - I think it's important to hear!
Also, I remember being in a thrift store one time and DD was really inquisitive about everything and wanting in and out of the cart, and there was just a lot of conversation going on between us. A woman who was in the aisle for a bit and then left, came back to tell me how much she enjoyed listening to the way I talked to DD.







Sadly though she also commented on how often she did not hear mothers talking to their children that way.


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## kkeris (Oct 15, 2005)

My DH doesnt tell me thsi often, but I know its because he thinks that its such an understatement that it doesnt need saying.







:

I have some friends (whom, interestingly are mainstreamers) who tells me that once in a while.


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## That Is Nice (Jul 27, 2007)

Yep! My friends tell me all the time







, and a few times I've had complete strangers make comments, which is nice. A physician said it one time, which made me feel affirmation for what I've been practicing.

My cousins, my grandmother, my dad, my mother-in-law, and a few others in my family have said it from time to time.

My husband doesn't ever really say it, but he's not one to shower a person with compliments.

Best of all will be when I hear it (hopefully, if I do my job right) from the one who is the best judge, my child.


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

My mom tells me all the time. Thank you for your post, and for reminding me how awesome it is that she says it. I'm going to call her and tell her so!


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## That Is Nice (Jul 27, 2007)

Alternatively, I try to compliment other mothers when I see them doing a good job. Sometimes I just try to acknowlege what a challenge it can be, too. I think it's incredibly important to support other moms.







(And dads, too, but I find I usually talk to other moms more than dads).


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

My mother, DH, father, and sister all say it-- though I have no idea how they can really tell one way or the other since most of their interaction with DS consists of their holding him and playing with him while I take a shower or something. They don't really see me interacting with him much. Others have said it too, but same thing. Maybe they just assume it because he is good-natured?


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Yup, I hear that often. DH also tells me alot and it means the world to me.


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

Dh tells me pretty often and I've heard it a smattering of other times from freinds/family/strangers.

What means the most to me though, is when I'm interacting with dd and I look over at dh. He's watching us with this crooked little half smile and tears shining in his eyes. That says more to me than words ever could







.


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

My dh tells me all the time which I love .... I love how he is specific too, he does occasionally say "you are a good mama" but I love it when he says things like "thank you for making dd such nutritious meals, you are awesome" or "you stayed so calm when she was melting down (or whatever), I am so impressed" -- that means the world to me because I know that he knows specifically how I am great














rather than just a blanket statement...

Strangers say it sometimes as well as my two best friends who I just LOVE. They are great mamas too and I tell them that too -- I also make comments to people out in public when I observe them interacting with their child in a way that is cool to me -- I think most people need to hear it when they think they aren't doing well or when they think people are judging them and that is when I tend to say it --

Like in the thrift store the other day this apprx. 4 year old was having the fit of all fits -- it was legendary really







... but the mama was SO gentle, like so understanding and calm and unruffled and kind to her daughter - I had to tell her what I thought of that and she beamed because I am sure she probably gets judged and whatnot...

Anyway, yeah, it is nice to hear







Mil and mom have said it a couple of times which is cool too ...


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## nascarbebe (Nov 4, 2006)

every once in a while DH will tell DS that he's lucky he has such a good mom. I've also gotten compliments from other people. I'm friends with the local judges because I worked at a law office for a few years and one of them is always telling me I'm raising a good citizen an he's not worried about seeing DS years from now in his courtroom. THat makes me feel good.


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## That Is Nice (Jul 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nascarbebe* 
every once in a while DH will tell DS that he's lucky he has such a good mom.

That is SO sweet.


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## beatrixmum (Feb 9, 2007)

My parents tell me all the time what a good job I'm doing. I think they know that I worry over it and try very conciously to do all the right things for dd.

Dh doesn't come right out and say it but always passes on others' compliments with pride. It means a lot to me that my ils say I'm a wonderful mom esp. since fil is a developmental psychologist and mil doesn't necessarily agree with all our 'wacky' ways.

The best compliment yet was one he passed on from his aunt who is also a shrink and said after a visit that dd is the most confident baby she's ever come across and that its due to excellent mothering.









This thread is a good reminder to pass on the compliments to other mamas. I find it so encouraging and can run on the fumes of a good compliment for weeks! It makes you want to do better, give more in hopes of living up to the compliment.


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## LauraN (May 18, 2004)

My MIL once said it. But it was a sideways compliment intended to criticize SIL, so I don't count it







: "B is just not a good mother like Laura is."

DH says it once in a while, usually after I've had a bad mom episode. Like he's gently reminding me to get back on track.







:


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## P-chan (Jan 23, 2004)

I do from my family (love them all!).

Once I ran into my pediatrician at the grocery store. She said when she first saw me she didn't recognize me, but she could tell that I was really enjoying my children's company.

Another time, at the same store, my son was escalating up to a tantrum. I sat right on the floor and held him in my lap and he got control of himself. A stranger complimented me after we finally got up.

I like telling the other moms I know when they do something--a little technique or phrase--that I'm filing away


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Our housekeeper (well, former housekeeper, now it's just me) once said something like, "Oh when I heard you were pregnant I thought it would be a disaster - but look what a good mommy you are!" And then she looked like she'd just farted in church. I know she didn't mean for it to come out like that.

I guess it speaks to my mommy insecurity that I was flattered anyway. I hear ALL THE TIME what a great dad my dh is, I can't help but think...hang on, what about me!


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Yes, oftentimes. The best though, was when I was grocery shopping with dds 1 and 2 and was just chatting with dd1. An older woman came up to me and said: "Thank you for talking to your child like she is a person". I thought about it, and realized that many mamas either talk to their kids like they are babies or don't _really_ listen/acknowledge. Made me feel nice!


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## mommycakes (Sep 21, 2005)

I actually hear it a lot. My dh says it often, so do my parents and in-laws. I've heard it from our co-op preschool teacher and others too. I think I live in a pretty supportive community and try to give the compliment to others as well. It _is_ extremely important to hear (especially on a 'challenging' day).


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## CarolynnMarilynn (Jun 3, 2004)

I've had a few positive comments in restaurants as we were interacting and just hanging out. Recently a woman told me I was a good mom when my daughter was having a meltdown about eating our packed lunch at the zoo and she wanted french fries and chicken nuggets instead. I talked to her calmly and told her that I had made things that I knew she would like, but that was lunch and she could eat it or not eat her, her choice, but I wasn't buying french fries or chicken nuggets. A woman said that she had worked with kids for a long time and that she thought I handled it well. It was a nice pick me up. I get a lot of smiles with the baby in a sling, with people making positive comments frequently. That saddens me because babies in slings seem unusual.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

My biggest fans are my mother, MIL, and my brother. My brother, especially, is forever telling my kids how lucky *they* are.







My poor kids. I am very lucky.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 
thank you









I wasn't fishin'.?

I know!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 
I have people say "I don't know how you do it"(4 kids, dh gone all the time etc.) and I have people compliment my kid's behaviour and I think people say it with the intent to compliment me. But I can't think I ever had a direct compliment.

As to my dh, he's "compliment challenged"







but I know his heart. He thinks it..but isn't good at saying so.

I think moms need to hear that though, don't you?

My dad just told me this weekend that I was "so patient".

Of course, it just made me feel nervous, like he thought my kids were brats or something. But I'm sure he meant it, and I know he loves my kids.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I don't think my dh has ever said this to me -- he's compliment challenged too though.

I have gotten some nice comments from people in church, from a wonderful lady on an airplane once when I was traveling with the 2 kids alone (and dd was 18 months, so it was a difficult flight), and one person in the grocery store who said she was enjoying how I was talking to my kids!

But then, as I was typing this, I'm not sure I ever tell dh that he's a good dad.







So I can't well fault him for not telling me, can I? Hmm... looks like I need to do some work there!


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I've been told that I am several times at church lately.


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## griffin2004 (Sep 25, 2003)

You all are so lucky. I'm envious.

DD is almost 5 and I've never been told I was a good mom by family, stranger, or anyone else. It would be wonderful to hear.


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *griffin2004* 
You all are so lucky. I'm envious.

DD is almost 5 and I've never been told I was a good mom by family, stranger, or anyone else. It would be wonderful to hear.

I know, me either..it's kind of bothering me now..especially since I have been away since 4am-ish and am exhausted.


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## Gaea (Jul 4, 2005)

My friends have told me, so have my mom and my ex-husband. The last one to say it was actually the ex


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## That Is Nice (Jul 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *griffin2004* 
You all are so lucky. I'm envious.

DD is almost 5 and I've never been told I was a good mom by family, stranger, or anyone else. It would be wonderful to hear.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 
I know, me either..it's kind of bothering me now..especially since I have been away since 4am-ish and am exhausted.

Don't feel bad! Some families are just the kind of people who don't compliment each other, you know? Mine is like that in a lot of ways.

Also, as long as you think you are a good mom, that's what matters most!


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

My mom (i was 18 when I had Kylin ), my hubby, my dad, all of my friends.

I'm not the _typical_ young mom ...I grew up as soon as I found out I was pg..

Its nice to hear it...but honestly, thats not what keeps me going. What keeps me going is at the end of the day, when I put my little luv bugs to bed I know that I have done everything in my power to put 110% in bringing them up in love.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Yes. Mostly by strangers who comment on how kind/helpful or attentive the kids were in some fashion.

My friends also will tell me what a great job I do of parenting. Being that I am attentive to their needs without letting the kids dominate me.

My family doesn't see this. Sigh. My mom thinks I've ruined the kids by not going to church and my mother in law thinks I'm some kind of freak her son married.


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## roostery (Jan 23, 2004)

DH tells me this sometimes, and it's nice, but it meant the most coming from a friend who had a baby a month after I did. She said that 'we get the kids we are capable of parenting' and that she 'thinks I am doing an amazing job". Since DD is a classic high need kid I really appreciated it. I think about it when things get insane over here.


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## MaWhit (Jan 5, 2002)

Yeah. I get told my family friends, strangers, etc.


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## gwerydd (Jun 7, 2007)

my dh tells me i'm a wonderful mother. he knows i struggle with feelings of inadequacy. my ILs and my mum and sister have all told me i'm a good mom. i've also had strangers tell my dd that she's a lucky little girl because she's breastfed. it feels good and reassuring.


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## graye_pearl (Oct 14, 2006)




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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

well, I am not getting paid so some kudos would go a long way









But no, I am not a praise junky...I posted this because I was actually thinking of ohter moms who seem to be having a rough time. Maybe hearing that would be nice.

and I am so glad that all you moms are being appreciated that way. You all deserve it


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## GradysMom (Jan 7, 2007)

My Dh - bless him , my grandmother and my mom... my dad says I do ok... not quite "wow you are a great mom" just approval on things like intactivist stuff


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

My mother and my MIL (who drives me crazy, but still--nice of her to say).

I've had a few comments from strangers, as has DH (him more than me, I think--but the bar is lower for men, IMO). I remember them VERY fondly.


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## Stephig (Jun 6, 2007)

I've been told by all of my friends that I'm a great mom. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside when people give you such a grand compliment, kwim?
My mom has told me a few times, and my ex told me that I was a good mommy on Mother's Day (which says a lot because he doesn't celebrate any kind of holidays).

The thing with getting lots of compliments is not to let it get to your head!


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## incorrigible (Jun 3, 2007)

.


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## Hannahsmummy (Oct 12, 2006)

I hear it all the time, thankfully. While I love my daughter more than life itself it certainly is a challenge and getting a compliment can really help and reassure you. I am sure I am not the only mother who worries about getting it all wrong!

I have heard it from strangers many times. We eat out and travel quite a bit and my daughter is well behaved and easy going 99% of the time so we are always having fun interactions which people comment on.

I hear it from my gorgeous mother in law on a regular basis as well.

The best compliments come from friends who are mums themselves.


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## graye_pearl (Oct 14, 2006)




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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

my mom told me i was a good mom.she said that she wished she would have been more like me when i was a baby. it was a really amazing compliment.


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## snowyowl (Dec 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bellymama* 
my mom told me i was a good mom.she said that she wished she would have been more like me when i was a baby. it was a really amazing compliment.

Mine told me the same thing and you could have knocked me down with a feather when she said it. We've always had a rocky relationship and when I was growing up I always felt like I disappointed her. I don't think it was an easy thing for her to say but it meant a lot to me.

My husband and friends tell me quite often that I do a great job as a mother. It's nice to hear. As for strangers, once when my daughter was a baby I was doing something to entertain her while we waited for the bus. A woman came up to us and said that it was easy to see where my baby got her sunny disposition. That gave me a good laugh because "sunny" is one of the last words any adult who knows me would use to describe me. I guess I'm goofier around kids


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## hippiemum21580 (Jul 14, 2007)

The majority of people who live in my apartment complex are young single mums like myself so I do get alot of comments from other moms who find it impressive I can get my kid sto be respectful (most of the time) without resorting to yelling or hitting or overall really stressing. Then again though, i live in teh South where it is so commonplace to "whip" your kids that I have also had plenty of comments from people who think I am far to lax and ought to whip my boys to straighten them out. I just tell them I am not raising dogs nor soldiers thankyouverymuch.
My soon-to-be ex husband says it often. Which amuses me with its irony after all his games trying to take teh kids from me.....He and his GF cannot handle the ONE they have so I guess he sees now there is NO way he could do 4 more and is pretty impressed I hold it all together.
And yes, I do think we as moms need to knwo we are doing well. I mean I can see for myself how my boys are growing up but the acknowledgment from an outside party means so much!


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## aja-belly (Oct 7, 2004)

i've heard it alot - from dh, family, friends and strangers. i've also had backhanded comments, and even outright critizism from family, friends, and strangers.


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## Shonahsmom (Mar 23, 2004)

My DP tells me everyday. Like a previous poster, he's also really specific, ie. "I really respect how you handled X" or "What you said to dd was perfect." Stuff like that. And he always says, "You're SUCH a good mama." My very good friend tell sme I'm the best mama she's ever known.









I've been told by dd's teachers and by some of her classmate's parents that I'm a good mama. It's also been insinuated by a few other parents that I'm not a good mama, so, go figure.


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## Sheal (Apr 19, 2007)

As ironic as this is....I've had a social worker say I was a perfect mom doing what's best for my kids!! This past March after a false allegation investigation was deemed unfounded and that we were falsely accused of neglect.

Go figure!

I've also had an older couple compliment me on how well behaved my children are in public several times.


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## jtbuko (Sep 28, 2006)

I've been lucky in the positive feedback department - my parents, MIL, sister, friends, parent's friends, folks I have met through MDC etc. It is nice to be able to fall back on all the love and positive vibes on those days when mothering is tough. Knowing folks out there think I am a good mom helps me to step up and be that good mom...

I am making a mental note to pay it forward and be more proactive about praising good parenting when I see it! Thanks for the nudge!


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