# Pacifier funeral ideas?



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

My ds1 has impetigo all over his lips.







He's also an avid paci user, but the two are not working together. The paci is irritating the impetigo and making it worse, and it hurts so bad he won't eat anything but popsicles and yogurt.

So, I'm forcing him into rehab, but would like to make it as non-traumatic as possible, considering the circumstances.

Any ideas?


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## gsd1amommy (Apr 6, 2007)

My son had his until he was four. YEP...FOUR! He went to sleep with it when he was three and when he woke up, he was four and he didn't have it. Hmmm...We just said the bop bop fairy takes them when you turn four and gives them to babies who really need them. He was cool with that and when he found one, days later, behind the entertainment center, he was like "not for four year olds, right mom?"
A friend gathered up all her daughter's pacifiers when daughter was about 2.5y/o and "traded" them, with the daughter's help, at the store for a much desired Dora princess doll. The Target clerk had a heads up about the plan and played it up really well. Don't know how ready your son is to give up the addiction but I hope this helps. Also, you can cut a small slit in the nipple part with a razor and suddenly they don't work anymore. Maybe he would be less attached if they were "broken".


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

I don't think it is kind or respectful to lie to kids, to mutilate their comfort object by cutting a hole into it, throwing it off a bridge, saying it has to be given to a baby, etc. It is a natural thing for kids to seek oral comfort and while adults may find pacifiers unattractive children deserve to have the intensity of their feelings about the object respected. Imagine if you had something important to you - a special quilt for example and someone cut it into bits, threw it off a bridge or took it from you and said someone else gets it now because you are too old to need comforting.

If for medical reasons the child can't have it for a temporary period of time I'd be honest about it and let the child put it in a box for when his condition has healed. If it is a permanent problem, again I'd be honest about it, acknowledge the child's feelings of loss and put effort into finding acceptable substitutes.


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## CaraNicole (Feb 28, 2007)

The story of the binky fairy comes to mind.


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## gsd1amommy (Apr 6, 2007)

OP, I am SO sorry if I was disrespectful or unkind to your child's pacifier situation. I read that you were forcing the paci detox and just wanted it to be gentle. I thought my suggestion as to what I did for my son was gentle, not traumatic and what my friend did for her daughter was gentle as well. If these suggestions were hurtful, I am sorry. I was offering thoughts other than snatching it out of his mouth and tossing it in the trash right in front of his face or boxing it up/putting it on a shelf/stashing it in a drawer and continuing the fight for it when it is medically contraindicated and you are forcing the detox. Again, I apologize if I gave advice that completely goes against your beliefs.

I should have said that my son's pacifier loss was not something that just happened. It was discussed for months. I fought long and hard with myself much like the OP probably is about even taking it but sometimes doing what your child NEEDS is just hard for everyone. You don't want it to be but it is.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Thanks for the responses!

My dd also uses a paci, (she's four and a half) and I've brought up the idea that maybe she could give hers up in solidarity with her brother. We'll see how that flies!









Anyway, I've already told him that he's going to have to stop sucking on them because they're making his mouth hurt more. He knows they are, because it hurts when he sucks, but he does it anyway. But the paci irritates his sores, and they just spread and worsen.

So I guess I should have been more specific. Sorry about that! What I'd like is some gentle transition ideas, maybe some things to give him closure. Or, maybe we could just try putting them away for awhile until it gets better, like Roar suggested. It just seems like that would be harder for him, if he knew they were in the house but he couldn't have them. Especially when the sores start to heal and don't hurt so bad, but still need to heal more.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gsd1amommy* 
A friend gathered up all her daughter's pacifiers when daughter was about 2.5y/o and "traded" them, with the daughter's help, at the store for a much desired Dora princess doll.

Maybe I could offer him a special gift to help ease his pain. I wouldn't be comfortable pretending we were actually trading them in, but I could offer it as a consolation prize.


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## mom22girls (May 5, 2005)

My daughter got a stomach virus recently, and I thought better of letting her suck on a paci knowing it would produce more saliva to irritate her stomach. I told her exactly that (okay, she's five, but I sucked my thumb until I was 7 or 8 so who am I to judge). She was fine about just having it by her bed. She did go back to it when she felt better, but says that when the new baby comes, she's going to give it up because she's "too old." I told her it's her decision. She also knows that if she loses it, it will not be replaced - you should see how careful she is with keeping track, if I could do so well with my car keys!!!

I really don't like any ritual or anything to get rid of the paci. How's that doll/toy/treat going to help when the child is up in the middle of the night needing his/her comfort object??? Logic will fail there. I think in my daughter's case, if she gives it up, I will honor that passage in some other way, afterwards, but not as an incentive. I'm glad she was old enough to understand why it couldn't be in her mouth. Don't know what would happen with the younger one.

Good luck, and I hope you get the "twofer" you wrote about!!!!


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## MomInCalifornia (Jul 17, 2003)

My cousin took her daughter to Build a Bear, and she made a special bear and put the pacifier inside as they were stuffing it. Now she has a special bear that she sleeps with instead of the pacifier. It seems to have worked for them. I think her kiddo was 4ish.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Thanks for the ideas. I agree with mom22girls that logic is going to fail in the middle of the night. And while I can explain to him that it's hurting his mouth, he doesn't think it hurts bad enough to stop, and so he isn't. And since staph bacteria are a pretty complex concept for a two year old, I can't really expect him to understand that he probably will not get over the impetigo until he stops sucking.

That's why I thought a ritual might help, something to give it finality and help him accept that they're gone.

His lips are actually looking a little better today, so I'm thinking about putting it off a few days. This has more to do with me than him, though, because I'm exhausted since the baby's sick, and I just don't think I can deal with it yet.


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AbigailsMomSarah* 
My cousin took her daughter to Build a Bear, and she made a special bear and put the pacifier inside as they were stuffing it. Now she has a special bear that she sleeps with instead of the pacifier. It seems to have worked for them. I think her kiddo was 4ish.

I know folks do this. I feel pretty sure my kid would have been finding a pair of scissors at 2 a.m.

I think a ritual is fine if it is an honest ritual. We had our son put the pacifiers in a box and seal it up. He needed to see that they were gone. We sent them to Grandma to hold on to for when he was grown up so he could look back and remember how they helped him. I think it is fine to have an ending ritual, I just don't think it should be a dishonest trick.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

I had mine until I was FIVE. I would not have given it away willingly. Dad just took it one day and said "No more suckies, you have to go to school."

I was very sad, but I'm not scarred by it now.

I really like the idea of the teddy bear but I might have been looking for the scissors too!

Trading them in for a special toy sounds nice.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Trinitty* 
I really like the idea of the teddy bear but I might have been looking for the scissors too!

Yeah, I can just see ds beating the crap out of the stupid teddy bear that stole his paci!

I think we're going to try sending them away to someone. Then they'll be out of the house, so he won't feel like I'm just witholding them to spite him. And it's more respectful than throwing them away, because they're so important to him. I feel sad just thinking about it because he just feels so comforted when he sucks his paci and sniffs his blankie and feels the tag on it all at once. I'm sure it's good for him, but I don't think it outweighs the yucky infection, which apparently can damage your kidneys if it gets too serious.


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