# terribly uncomfortable co-sleeping... possible solutions?



## aiea (Jan 27, 2007)

Hi all,

I've been cosleeping with my 6 month old since birth in a queen-size tempurpedic. The problem is mine, not hers. She's sleeping fine overnight, wakes every 2 hours or less on a good night, but she's teething so some nights are every 1/2 hour. That is tough stuff, but we're getting through OK.

My problem is that I fall asleep feeding her. She's on the breast, I'm arranged on my side facing her, with my under-side arm stretched across the bed (parallel to the headboard), or doubled up under my head. My upper-side arm is usually tucked between myself and babe. I start out feeding her, relaxing, etc and very often will fall asleep with her on the breast.

Then while she sleeps, she either stays sucking or not, but in any case I don't move. I get awful aching/shooting pains through my back when I wake up. If I am lucky enough to stay awake, detach nipple and get to sleep in a painfree way at the beginning of the night, it's only temporary. Inevitably I will get into this "pretzel position" and fall asleep that way later in the night.

I was/am a very heavy sleeper... I guess this is why this happens. And getting stuck in pretzel position happens several times a night so I'm getting even worse sleep than just having to wake to feed, and it's wearing me down.

The worst case scenario is when I wake pretzel-ized and babe is still sucking -and- WON'T let me remove the nipple! (i.e. when she's teething and in pain herself). I'm pretty much paralyzed in pain for several wakings a night. I finally broke down and woke hubby the last few nights, and he rocks her but it usually leads to a crying jag. I just get to the point I need painfree sleep!!!

Our solutions so far:
-raise my head up on 2 pillows (somehow that helps... figured that out last night)
-sleep on a recliner after some portion of the night, with babe on my lap (safe/unsafe?)
-let me get so many, many, many hours of sleep that I don't fall asleep this way because I'm no longer exhausted (not likely, but I'm trying







)

Any other ideas? I wonder if anyone else has this problem.

April


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## swebster (Dec 7, 2004)

The thing that made a huge difference for me was having a pillow wedged behind my back so that I could relax against it. I remember it being trickier in the beginning when I was switching sides to nurse and having to move my pillow and rearrange all night, but now that she's bigger and I've mastered nursing from both boobs on one side it's much easier. I think that before I used a full sized pillow I tried a rolled up towel. For me it wasn't so much the being contorted in a pretzel position as it was trying to hold that position and sleep at the same time. Having props that I could relax into and that supported how I needed to lay in order to nurse made a big difference in my quality of sleep.

Hope it works for you too!


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## KWenn (Jun 13, 2006)

I use a pillow behind my back, too, and it has done wonders for my comfort level. Hope it helps you!


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## esthersmom (Nov 3, 2006)

I also have started having really bad back pain for the first time in my life since nursing while sleeping, though it doesn't sound as bad as yours...
thanks for posting, now I know to try using a pillow!


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## aiea (Jan 27, 2007)

Hi group,

Thanks for the idea. But how do you lean into a fluffy pillow that is behind you? There's nothing supportive behind the pillow, and the pillow doesn't have enough height or weight to give resistance. Sorry I am clueless... or sleep deprived... perhaps both.









We tried having hubby sleep behind me and spoon for back support, but he hated it. At least for a few hours one night he had some idea of how I feel every night!

swebster... how do you nurse both boobs on one side? Inquiring minds have gotta know!

April


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## Chronic Chrissy (Sep 4, 2006)

To nurse both breasts on one side just lean more into the babe with your breast closest to the mattress slightly under you


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

Goodness, I could have written your post!

One thing that helps me, when I'm motivated enough to do it, is a small pillow between my knees. If the outside of your on-top thigh (the IT band) isn't strained by a low knee, it doesn't pull on your hips and back so much, making the pain far less there.

But honestly the best thing I can recommend is to stretch like crazy before getting into bed, and immediately in the morning. DH laughs at me and says it looks like I'm preparing for an athletic event beffore bed. I tell him in a way, I am. It is physically demanding!

Make sure to stretch your hamstrings and calves if your lower back is sore, and the IT bands on both legs. I also take a lot of care with all the muscles in my arms and my neck.

Good luck. It's not a cure-all, but it should help.


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## asdf4321 (Jan 19, 2007)

I have some back problems, but no nurslings--- I use a body pillow (one of those crazy long ones) and put it between me and the wall. Then I lay on my side, back to the pillow, with upper leg bent and knee on another pillow. This second pillow is as wide as my hips so my knee is level with my hip (takes pressure off low back) then basically I just relax back into the body pillow and the wall behind support it while it supports me. Sometimes (and this may not work with a nursling) I stuff a pillow under my top arm to prop my ribs and chest so I don't collapse in and this takes the pressure off my side that is on the bed.

I hope you find something that works for you and your little one.


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## nubianamy (Jul 6, 2005)

I cram a soft pillow way down under my back, and that gives me the support I need to be able to relax back against it. I also use one pillow under my arm (a flat one) and one on top of it, for my head (a small square one). I just can't do it without the three pillows.


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## SabbathD (Apr 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aiea* 
Hi group,

Thanks for the idea. But how do you lean into a fluffy pillow that is behind you? There's nothing supportive behind the pillow, and the pillow doesn't have enough height or weight to give resistance. Sorry I am clueless... or sleep deprived... perhaps both.









We tried having hubby sleep behind me and spoon for back support, but he hated it. At least for a few hours one night he had some idea of how I feel every night!

swebster... how do you nurse both boobs on one side? Inquiring minds have gotta know!

April

The pillow thing is sorta hard to explain, but it works great. You just gotta try it. I put the bottom left corner under my shoulder, and the bottom right corner right around my hip/lower back area. It's just enough to be able to lean into it.

As far as nursing without flipping, start out on your side, and roll forward onto your stomach a little bit. Baby will have to be at a bit of an angle (of if your DC is like mine, she'll just grab it and pull it down to HER level). I actually find nursing from the top to be more comfortable, but I have fairly large breasts. Give it a try, it's great!!


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## aiea (Jan 27, 2007)

I tried the wedge/cram thing with the pillow behind my back last night, and it *definitely* helped. Hubby was the official wedger... does that make me the wedgee?! Ha!









I do use the pillow-tween-the-knees on occasion, more and more as I find I'm nursing all night so often lately.

Next we are seeking out a tempurpedic body pillow for behind my back... it's gotta be pricey, but hubby's always wanted one. Now we have a rather pressing reason to get one. Pressing... on my back... gosh I am incredibly corny today!!!!

April


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## violet171 (Oct 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nubianamy* 
I cram a soft pillow way down under my back, and that gives me the support I need to be able to relax back against it. I also use one pillow under my arm (a flat one) and one on top of it, for my head (a small square one). I just can't do it without the three pillows.

That is SO funny! I have this exact same set up and it's worked for me for the past year! It took me a year to figure it out. I have back problems too - so it took a lot of experiments (and pillows!) to get it right. Oh, I also have a Humaniy Family Bed bolster, so I can lay against that if I am facing away from it too.

Best of luck, keep trying pillows!


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## swebster (Dec 7, 2004)

yeah, I definitely have an odd assortment of pillows tucked here and there too










another thing that helps is to stretch my legs straight out in front of me (so I'm shaped like an L). this is only possible now that we have a gigantohumungoid bed and dh is safely on the other side....actually I've found that I sleep so much more comfortably now that dd and I get a full sized bed to ourselves. I can move around her during the night to get some space without sqashing dh or falling off. often in the morning we'll be completely sideways in bed from all the boob chasing going on in the night


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## sweedma (Jul 6, 2006)

Glad to see so many posts with the same idea I had! I wedge a pillow between my back and dh, or if I'm on the other side, between me and the wall. Basically I need to be able to relax but keep from rolling onto my back. Now that we have the system down, I sleep through most nursings. Hope you can too!


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## aiea (Jan 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swebster* 
another thing that helps is to stretch my legs straight out in front of me (so I'm shaped like an L).









Hi all,

I wanted to update this post with two newly found tips. One tip is exactly what swebster said above...

And also that we moved from our very firm Tempurpedic (DH & my bed) to a fairly soft Restonic (our DD's bed) and it's helped a LOT. I think it's due to the ability to sink into the soft mattress at angles that the firm mattress would not allow.

I used to wake up with my back muscles spasming, but rarely does that happen now. It's taken us 10 months to get to this happy place!


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## rachellanigh (Aug 26, 2006)

So happy to hear you're sleeping better. I could never get comfy with my first son, but now am happy co-sleeping with my 2 month old. Keep trying different pillows...but keep one behind your back and between your knees....also have you tried a buckwheat pillow for your head?


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## lovevolving (Jan 27, 2007)

Yep yep, pillow behind the back and one between the knees. But also, during the day, rubbing St. John's Wort oil on aching muscles is soooo nice! I feel immediately relaxed. It's a nerve healer and soother, so all those nerves that get pinched in weird ways get some lovin'. Known as the "chiropractor's herb", it makes any sort of body adjustment easier, so I put it on before stretching the night-nursing-knots out. You can usually find it at any natural food store. I'd be lost without it.


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## pookie76 (Jan 1, 2007)

I was having a lot of issues with this too. I haven't tried the pillows behind me, I have DS for that. (He's almost 4 and seems glued to me at night...I love it!) My DD (9 MO) sleeps on my other side next to the guardrail, so to nurse her at night I can only sleep on one side. I tried using my husband's cervical pillow(not a roll but a rectangle shape with an indention in the center), and that has been my life saver! I used to be a 2-3 feather pillow person, but this pillow is firm and supports my neck so well! Here's something similar: http://http://www.painreliever.com/Air+Pillows.html. Added bonus, hubby is less than a month away from graduating as a Chiropractor, so he is extra help for the pain!


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## Julian's Momma (Oct 25, 2006)

Same issue here as OP! The pain started when DS was about 4 months. It got so bad that it was almost debilitating. Getting better now because....

Pillow behind the back didn't really do it for me... still was in pain. I just continued to work on the Pantley Pull Off thing and get myself to sleep in a decent position. Even when we managed to get that down pat, the back pain still persisted because I was doing the whole routine so many times per night with my frequent waker.

The saving grace for me was.... my chiropractor! I had never been before. I finally went because I was waking up paralyzed and in severe chronic pain and was desperate for help. After one adjustment, I was rid of pain that I had been suffering from for about 9 months (DS is 13 mo now). I am not implying that my results are typical, but my experience it true and I am so grateful and feel like I have a new lease on life!

Birthing a baby is traumatic for the body (I mean that in the most natural sense). As your body recovers and heals, it doesn't always go back together the same way that it was. This was the case for me. I was nursing in the side-lying position day and night (DS is a real frequent waker). Also, wearing his big old 26 lb. butt all the time in a sling or just holding in a hip carry posiion. My body was just wrecked and I am now finally on the road to recovery!


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## Erin M (Nov 6, 2006)

Keep your head up

Seriously. If I'm not paying attention I fall asleep looking down at dd and have huge back pain in the morning. I have an assortment of small pillows (throw pillows from a discount store) in various shapes, I stuff them under my hip and my neck and where ever else I need some support. Many small pillows are easier for me than 2 regular ones.


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## warpinmama (Jul 1, 2007)

Wow, I had the same problem as well

however, it seemed to hit a critical point that lasted about a month then it started getting better for me.... but i really though about sleeping in the chair at night. dd was about 5-6 months.

Anyway, just wanted to add(to the pillow ideas)that I was able to sorta postion my babe in the crook of my arm, with her head resting up between my shoulder and arm while she nursed and I could lay on my back(which was like heaven heaven heaven!!!) so, she was laying on me kind of like i like to lay with my husband ya know, when he puts his arm around you and you lay your head on his chest and he's on his back.... make sense? sometimes I put a pillow up under my shoulder and her head to support us or on the other side of my arm....
I don't know if your breasts can accomodate this(I'm a c-d cup







)
but maybe you can play around with some different positions as she grows.
my friend(who is more of a b cup)~ her daughter would actually sorta lay across her and nurse while she lay on her back.

glad to hear its getting better!
happy cosleeping!


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