# Why did I say anything?



## sea island mama (Dec 17, 2001)

I don't know if it would have made a difference, but I was only a couple of weeks along when I told my sister & another friend that I was pregnant. When I started spotting a few days later I hoped it would just stop, but it didn't. Then the clots came & it was all over








The thing is, my sister is pregnant & we started talking about how our babies would only be three months apart, etc. I started getting attached when otherwise I probably wouldn't have thought too much about it before it was gone (I noticed it wasn't as all-consuming this time with a two-year-old to take care of).
Now I just want to be pregnant again. I know I should wait a bit, but should I really wait three months? It wasn't even much more than a regular period - just bigger clots.
I'm not even really sure how I feel. Sad, but I haven't cried (other than from reading all your stories







). I've just been feeling a little down the last few days. Maybe a good cry would feel good, but I can't do it.
Anyway, thanks for listening & if you have any advice I'd appreciate it.


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## emmaline (Dec 16, 2001)

Dear Helen

So sorry for your loss

Just feel what you feel, everyone and every loss is different

I have had three early m/c and the first was catastrophic, the second profoundly sad, the third also sad but not so much for the loss, for what it taught me in other areas of my life

just feel what you feel, maybe the good cry isn't the thing that you need right now, maybe it'll come later or not at all

take care of yourself, rest, eat well, love your family and yourself

as for waiting some prescribed amount of time, I don't know, that's for you to decide

rereading yr post it sounds like you might feel responsible by telling people early?? or did I get it wrong? because that is not a sensible thought at all

take care

emmaline


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## seanjoshmom (Apr 18, 2002)

mama2nicola, I am so sorry for your loss, and your sadness is palpable. I know you want to be pregnant again like now. emmaline is right, do what feels right for you emotionally and physically. Many healthcare practitioners tell people to wait for three months, and I can't figure out why. Once your body has one normal period, to me that's a signal that things have healed and are functioning as they should, and that attempting pregnancy would be fine. If you don't feel ready at that time, then wait until YOU feel it's right.


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## sea island mama (Dec 17, 2001)

It's always nice to get another perspective. I guess I will wait a month until after a normal period, then go for it!

Quote:

_Originally posted by emmaline_
*rereading yr post it sounds like you might feel responsible by telling people early?? or did I get it wrong? because that is not a sensible thought at all
*
I didn't mean it to sound that way. I was just sorry that I had started making plans so early & talking about it like it was a sure thing. I realize that it just wasn't meant to be.


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## familykiss (May 30, 2002)

mama2nicola

I empathize with you right now. As the others have said just be gentle with yourself. (((hugs))) Perhaps you're feeling sad while reading some of these other stories as a way for you to access your own grief.

I read (in Mothering magazine) that losing a pregnancy is not like losing a parent or grandparent because that is the loss of a past and the present. A miscarriage represents the loss of a future, the one where you and your sister have your two babies together. It is a great deal of "living" that happens long before this little soul actually arrives.

I just had a second miscarriage, which was really hard for me. Specifically, letting go of that "future", for now.

As for trying again, I think that your body will accept another pregnancy when its ready, whether its your next cycle, or in another 3... However, in light of the 2 miscarriages I had, I'm taking Vit E (tocopherol form) red rasberry tea, and wild yam. I figured there was no harm in taking these things to make my body an even more hospitable little nest.

I send blessings and healing to you.....

Love and light - N


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## LiamnEmma (Nov 20, 2001)

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I've had two miscarriages myself, and they are just awful. There are no other words to say about that except that I hope you find some peace :better

I'd also like to address the wait vs. non-wait issue. After my first mc, my ob told me that she based her waiting period on a mother's age. A very young woman would be told to wait a year (!), a woman of my age (at the time I was 31), 3 months, and an older woman (I'd guess 35'ish) not to wait at all. She then said the wait has more to do with emotional healing rather than physical healing. We did wait a few months after the first because it was very involved and we needed both physical and emotional healing, but after the second miscarriage, we went for it following the first period, and our beautiful son popped out 9 months later. I know of several others who didn't wait at all and have had healthy, thriving children. So follow your heart. And again, I'm so sorry.

Leah


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## gamrgrl (Jul 9, 2002)

My dr (who is marvolous and I love) did recommend we wait three months, but I had a full pregnancy, and a delivery. That is a lot more taxing on a woman's body than an early miscarriage, thought there is no measurement of grief. I have heard many drs that do not recommend the 3 months after an early miscarraige, just one normal period to make sure everything is on track. I think if you feel you are emotionally ready, that you should be fine to go ahead and try, it is your choice.


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## AmyG (Jan 30, 2002)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I go to a very "traditional" OB practice (there aren't really any choices around here), and my OB was fine with me trying after one normal period if I was ready after my m/c. I lost my baby at 15 weeks. I waited one period, didn't get pregnant on the 2nd, and then I did on the 3rd. Now I'm 10 weeks along and not having any problems. Most current research indicates that if your body isn't ready to carry a baby, you'll basically miscarry right away instead of having the baby implant. I think that's what happened to me on my second period, since it was 2 days late and heavy. 15 weeks is a long time to be pregnant and takes away from your body's vitamin and mineral stores, so I wasn't surprised. (Heartbroken, but not surprised.) If you lost yours earlier, it's extremely probable that you would get pregnant on the 2nd period and have no problems at all.


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