# The Intimacy Question



## Kim919 (Mar 27, 2008)

I didn't plan to co-sleep when I was pregnant. I had every intention of putting the baby in a cradle from day one.

That idea really didn't work, and I very shortly realised that it made no sense and that I wanted her to sleep with me. I actually regret the first 3 nights that I tried to get her to sleep alone. The first 3-4 weeks she slept on my chest then I slowly moved her so she sleeps on her side or back next to me. Everyone gets a good night's sleep and I've told anyone who has bothered to critisize me that I think people are crazy to put a little baby in a crib. I really love having her sleep with me, its something I didn't know I had to look foward to and its great, but I also like to snuggle her daddy and It doesn't happen in an adult way with her in the bed.

I've wondered this ever sense I heard of co-sleeping and I finally just gotta ask, how are you intimate with your hubby when you've got babies/children in your bed? Co-sleeping parents don't seem to have problems getting pregnant again so I know you guys do it!! How??? I try to get her to sleep in her crib for a little while, and I've even resorted to using a passifier (swore I would never do) when trying to steel a little time alone, but even that only works for 5-10minutes at a time, and a crying baby isn't the most romantic interruption.

So spill the beans, how do you make it work?


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

We wait until the baby is asleep in his usual spot. Then we either move to the bottom of the bed or we go into another room.


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## thixle (Sep 26, 2007)

:
Another room, or more likely, in the bed away from sleeping kiddo.
We side-carred a crib at first, then got a twin bed to replace it when the crib fell apart, so there was "some" distance.
Haven't DTD since #2 came along.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Let's see, you can:

- put the baby to sleep in your bed and go somewhere else in the house

- have "adult time" in the bed after the baby has fallen asleep (we have a king size bed though, so there's a couple feet between us and baby)

- be ready to seize the opportunity as soon as the baby falls asleep, so there's less risk of being interrupted by a crying baby

We co-sleep and manage to DTD 2-4 times a week.


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## Malva (Nov 2, 2005)

When the kids are sleeping in the bed, the rest of the house is kid-free.


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## Pyrodjm (Jan 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Malva* 
When the kids are sleeping in the bed, the rest of the house is kid-free.

Exactly! We also have the crib side-carred so that we can scoot DD over there once she falls asleep. Then we stay in our bed.


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## Dreamy (Jun 1, 2007)

Right now, the only time I can be sure of DS staying asleep is during his morning nap (I get at least 30 minutes), and he's in his crib for naps, so we take advantage of Sunday or Saturday mornings. We've tried early evenings, but the disappointment of being interrupted is just too much!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Let's just say I've done it *while* nursing.







: for side-lying nursing and spooning.


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## calpurnia (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Let's just say I've done it *while* nursing.







: for side-lying nursing and spooning.

haha! i'm so relieved to see someone else say that! here i was thinking we were freaky or something. in the newborn days we had a lot of sex while nursing. now she's in her sidecarred crib, or we are in another room. occasionally she is asleep on the boob but not so much these days.


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## Kim919 (Mar 27, 2008)

LOL. I think DP was considering your spooning method it last night but I effectivly killed that idea with one very mean glare. I don't think I could bring myself to do it, not cuz its freaky, but I think I would feel waaaaay to "used up" to be nursing and just "laying there" all at once, might put me over the emotional edge.

I think part of the issue may be that we all sleep in full sized bed (me and my babies - DP, DD, and of course the dog) so there isnt much of a "slide to the other side of the bed" option.

I suppose a little couch time might be fun though, i'll have to give it a shot.


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## azmomtoone (Aug 30, 2008)

......still trying to figure that out here too...it's worked at various times to leave the room, have him start the night in his bed, or move to the other side of the bed (when he was very tiny, after the first few weeks, he wakes up way too easily)......don't think I'd be comfortable nursing & DTD at the same time, whatever works for ya though.... I need to have a transition from being mommy after nursing, can't jump right in there.... Lately though DS will not stay asleep if we put him in his bed, and rarely if we leave the bed....just a phase hopefully....


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## Dandy (Oct 7, 2006)

We keep a blow up bed under a table in the living room.

Or we stick him in front of the TV with a favorite movie and have the bedroom to ourselves.

We've never had sex with baby in the bed, just too far outside of my comfort zone. Also can't have sex if cat is on bed or in room or if I can hear him purring etc.


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

On the floor in the bedroom while DD was asleep in the bed. In the guest bedroom (which for quite awhile DH called the sex room







). On the couch. On the floor in the master bathroom. Lately now that DD wants her own bed (sometimes) we've actually used our own bed. We bought a king in January (from a double) and broke it in in Sept


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Let's just say I've done it *while* nursing.







: for side-lying nursing and spooning.

Heeheee! You're hardcore!

As for us, same as other posters: everywhere BUT the bed, and sometimes (when he was younger and unaware), elsewhere on the bed.


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## tsfairy (May 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Malva* 
When the kids are sleeping in the bed, the rest of the house is kid-free.









:


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

We've made one of the bedrooms in our basement the "sex room". I also call it dh's bachelor pad. No babies allowed. We sneak down there after ds is asleep upstairs in the family bed.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Let's just say I've done it *while* nursing.







: for side-lying nursing and spooning.

I've only resorted to that once.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Malva* 
When the kids are sleeping in the bed, the rest of the house is kid-free.

Yup







The only thing we use the bed for is sleep and cuddles.


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## Dahlea (May 15, 2008)

We have sex everywhere else, like others have said. Also sometimes if we really want a bed, we have an air mattress that blows up in 5 min. so we use that.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Guest room, family room couch, anywhere else.


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## PiesandAbrosmama (Jan 31, 2003)

the walk in closet is nice!







:


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

DH and I bought a baby monitor and put one end in our room and the other in the family room. We have a pull-out futon couch in there!

I have always been sorta squeamish about DTDing in the same room as a child, no matter how soundly the child is sleeping. I have a hangup about it. I can do it when they're really really young, like the first few months, but that's it. So a separate place in the house was essential for us.


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## mamanurse (Jan 22, 2006)

*Those of us in the October DDC are wondering at what age is your dc too old to DTD "in front of."*

Any replies will be much appreciated.


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## vintagetroll (Apr 13, 2008)

considering neither one of our kids were concieved in the bedroom, it hasn't been too much of a stretch to find other places in the house for doing it now.

we actually DTD more now than before kids because if we have the opportunity we take it, instead of "meh, we can do that anytime"


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Magali* 
We've made one of the bedrooms in our basement the "sex room". I also call it dh's bachelor pad. No babies allowed. We sneak down there after ds is asleep upstairs in the family bed.

Ha ha! We have a "sex room" too.

In the early months (okay, the first eight or nine months) our "intimate times" were pretty sparse, mostly because DS woke so frequently and I had absolutely zero interest. It took a while to get back into the groove, and there may have been once or twice in the same bed (DS in his side-carred crib) but since then it's always been in another room.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

The bedroom isn't the only place to be intimate. If there's a baby sleeping in "the big bed" then we got our "special Mommy and Daddy time" on the sofa, the guest bed, the living room floor, the shower......

Too old to DTD in front of depends on your child's awareness and your own personal comfort level.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Let's just say I've done it *while* nursing.







: for side-lying nursing and spooning.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *calpurnia* 
haha! i'm so relieved to see someone else say that! here i was thinking we were freaky or something. in the newborn days we had a lot of sex while nursing. now she's in her sidecarred crib, or we are in another room. occasionally she is asleep on the boob but not so much these days.

You're not the only ones.







Altho' nursing to sleep is generally better for warm-up time.

Hmm, do you get touched out easily? I don't, and I wonder if that's part of the comfort with DTD with baby in the same bed.

Hehe, I thought I'd want DD to be elsewhere, but is sure is handy to have her in arm's reach if she wakes. She's 19 mos and sleeps hard once she's nursed down for the night. We have a king, and boy, am I glad.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Let's just say I've done it *while* nursing.







: for side-lying nursing and spooning.


nursing is waaaayyyyy to intense a sensation for me to ever do this. I'd end up resenting one or both of them. But that's just me. I don't mind nursing and cuddling, or getting a back rub while nursing, depending on my mood.

With DS1, if DH touched me at all while I nursed, I wanted to hurt him. It was the weirdest most intense hatred I've ever felt.

While pg with Milo, we put DS1 in the living room in front of the tV and DTD on the stairs!


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

must get sex hormones back first! i think because i haven't gotten my moon back yet, my sex drive is pretty nilch. but yeah, i have done the spooning/sex thing (not by choice but she woke up so what was a mama to do!).


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## Devaya (Sep 23, 2007)

Dp and I haven't managed to work this one out yet...it just doesnt happen with different bed times and his inability to function on the quality of sleep that goes along with co-sleeping - so we now sleep separately. I wouldn't have felt comfortable DTD with DS in the room past the newborn stage, DP never felt comfortable with it...guess we must be pretty repressed







judging by some of the other posts! Oh well...one day...


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## superlori (Nov 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Devaya* 
I wouldn't have felt comfortable DTD with DS in the room past the newborn stage, DP never felt comfortable with it...guess we must be pretty repressed







judging by some of the other posts! Oh well...one day...

Nah, it's not about being repressed, just about what you are comfortable with. We're all different. We were ok DTD with dd in bed until she was about 10-11 months, but then we both started feeling unnerved about the idea of her waking up. Not that she would know what was going on, but it would've killed the mood and made us feel awkward.

Now, like others have said, we just get creative about where we go. DD's room (which is really just a room to keep her stuff in since she sleeps with us), the living room, those are our places nowadays. And with me being 40 weeks + pregnant, we're making sure we DTD as often as possible to get this baby out!

However, we didn't really do it much for the first several months after dd's birth. I just didn't feel like it, and it hurt a bit, kinda like the first time. If we did it, it was me just being gracious.







But your drive comes back and the times spent together seem to mean so much more because you have to make them happen! And its kinda fun, sneaking around, trying not to wake anyone!

As for how old is too old, that's up to you guys and your kids' awareness. I think dd, who is almost 2, would have no idea, but she might ask a question that I don't want to answer! She sees us both naked all the time, so it's not that, but I'd be afraid she'd think we were just cuddling and try to join in!


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## MamieCole (Jun 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 

With DS1, if DH touched me at all while I nursed, I wanted to hurt him. It was the weirdest most intense hatred I've ever felt.



OMG that is me exactly! Thanks for putting it into words and actually saying it. I don't feel so odd now.


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Let's just say I've done it *while* nursing.







: for side-lying nursing and spooning.


I so could not do that. I can't even deeply kiss dh while I'm nursing. It's just too much all at the same time.

OP, we DTD on the living room floor.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Yeah, if you got touched-out nursing and sex would be impossible. I've always been fairly insensitive in that area even though I'm prone to getting touched-out at other times.

Really, any family with children should have a couch of convenient height.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

This is a great thread







:

We've co-slept a good portion of the last many years and I promise we have plenty of intimacy









Our house is big so plenty of other rooms (including the master closet







) but even when we lived in a small apartment we found a way. Sometimes it meant moving the sleeping babe carefully to another area or going somewhere else ourselves.

I've heard that a lot though as to why people would never consider co-sleeping (that they would miss their quality time with DH) but I think we bond and enjoy being in bed together with a baby quite well. In fact, I'm sad that nowadays it's rare that anyone ends up in our bed







DH has even commented how big and lonely it is without one of our babies. I can't wait to co-sleep again.


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## Turkish Kate (Sep 2, 2006)

It isn't so much the baby in the bed that bothers us, but the MIL in the living room and the teenage DD in the room next to the guest room.









Monday, we're taking a day for ourselves and spending the afternoon at the Ramada down the street.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turkish Kate* 
It isn't so much the baby in the bed that bothers us, but the MIL in the living room and the teenage DD in the room next to the guest room.

















:

Babies are the least of our worries. A tiny house, 6yo and 2yo in our room and teens in the next room; our living room floor is cold and hard and our sofa is a too small 2 seater







Afternoon quickies are keeping us going at the moment Thank goodness for the BBC iPlayer with kids tv on demand.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

I don't "co-sleep" persay. Abrielle wakes at around 4 every morning and then we bring her in our bed until she wakes at about 7. My older 2 are my step children and I think my DF's ex would FLIP. She wouldn't get it. THey like their beds anyway. My LO won't fall asleep with us. But I do like the cuddle time. I couldn't have sex with her in my bed. I did have sex in the same bed when I co-slept in the EARLY EARLY days. I like to co-sleep to a certain point, but I feel bad saying I'm a selfish bed hog. I barely like DF in there. LMAO. WIth the new baby I am sure I will co-sleep. I am bfing this one. We will have sex in the same bed until the LO is about 3 months. After that We will have to get creative.


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