# Military Moms - Jan-Feb '09!



## ~Katie~

Happy new year mamas! I wish you all the best and much prosperity, health, and happiness! Here's to this year being better than the last!


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## Alohamelly

Happy New Year!!


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## ~Katie~

So now I really need some advice. DH is deploying for sure between April-June, there is no doubt about it. This babe is due at the end of May, and if luck is on our side we can keep him here until just after this babe is born. I'm already having a post-partum doula so that will be a giant help, but for everyday life I'm wondering how I'm going to survive with a newborn and a very high-energy toddler. How I'm going to get everyday things like grocery shopping done I have no idea, its already hard enough with just one. Has anyone been through raising a new baby on their own for the first year in addition to other young children? Do you have tips for saving my sanity?


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## MarineGurl020412

Hi Ladies!

I am new to these boards and would like to join you. My name is Billie Jo and we are a Marine family currently stationed in Okinawa, Japan. DH and I have 2 DDs together, Mireille who is 5 and Melinda who is 3, and a third DD on the way (EDD 4 March 09).


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## BellaLuna Rayne

Happy New Year!

Today was a really hard day for me. DH is on mission and I really want/need to talk to him. I got an email this morning at 1 am so that was nice. So much for things calming down for him.








to all.


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## kirstenb

Happy New Year everyone!

Welcome Billie Jo!

Katie, I didn't have two when DS was born but DH was deployed... what saved me was having a lot of food cooked in the freezer and a lot of things in the fridge and pantry that required little to no cooking. The last thing I wanted to do was cook and since it was just me it was super easy to take something out of the freezer and heat it up.

I relied a lot on my friends out here, too.


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## MarineGurl020412

I have to second what Kristen said about the meals. Our first deployment I was pregnant with DD2 (DH came home 10 days after I delivered). DD1 was 18 months when he left and I was still active duty.

When I would feel like cooking I would make double batches and freeze 1/2 for later. This was a godsend on those days where I just didn't want to do anything.

Grocery shopping is ahole other thing. Do you have a friend nearby? My friend and I would either take turns doing our shopping while the other would watch the kids or we would all go together and I would help keep an eye on her kids while she would help with mine. Also my MIL did fly out to help and left a few days after DH got home. If there a family member that can come and help you for a while?


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## ~Katie~

Thanks for the info ladies. I plan to do a lot of freezer meals like I did last time so I know that will be a big help. The friend thing is kind of a weird situation right now. I've become the resident weirdo I guess to all of my neighbors because I cloth diaper and own a cloth diapering business and apparently all of my other parenting choices like breastfeeding are strange as well, I'm "that mom" to avoid supposedly. I do not fit into this role very well and I can't fake it well enough to play the game in order to have friends I guess. I don't have any family members who can help out for an extended period of time, my IL's work full-time and the only person I'm in contact with on my side of the family is my brother. At this point I'm just trying to find as many short cuts as I can and make do.


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## MarineGurl020412

I don't know if Bragg still does it but you may want to check the CDC. I know most bases have started implementing a certain number of free childcare hours a month (usually 10) for spouses of deployed service members. You could utilize that for some of your shopping trips. Though you would have to know in advance when you want to go and pretty much make sure to do your shopping during the week.


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## AFWife

DH heads out for Air Force Basic Training next week...then I'll OFFICIALLY be a military mom!







:

Good God, though, I'm going to miss him.


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## Mommyofalmost6

Hey ladies can I join in? My husband is in the Navy. We have a little one due in May and are doing our first PCS in June. I am feeling very over whelmed right now!


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## katiemoore27

scary, we are leaving the base to go on recruiting duty - in lincoln, NE with no base for 60 miles- what will I do with no military housing- gonna be a change- baby # 4 on the way and I want another homebirt, turns out the only 2 states not allowing is NE and Wisc.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katiemoore27* 
scary, we are leaving the base to go on recruiting duty - in lincoln, NE with no base for 60 miles- what will I do with no military housing- gonna be a change- baby # 4 on the way and I want another homebirt, turns out the only 2 states not allowing is NE and Wisc.

There may be some underground midwives who can attend you, or midwives who travel from out of state. Check the local FYT forum for the area you're moving to.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommyofalmost6* 
Hey ladies can I join in? My husband is in the Navy. We have a little one due in May and are doing our first PCS in June. I am feeling very over whelmed right now!

Welcome!


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## crazyeight

katie~ you can always make a non military friend and sign them in! they may like getting cheaper food from the commissary (if thats where you go obviously this is easier!) and still get the help you need while they get the chance to shop on base. if they use cash it should work fairly easily.

i did all the shopping with the kids when they were little although dh was home i took them with me a lot. its practice either way. good luck


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## Mommyofalmost6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
So now I really need some advice. DH is deploying for sure between April-June, there is no doubt about it. This babe is due at the end of May, and if luck is on our side we can keep him here until just after this babe is born. I'm already having a post-partum doula so that will be a giant help, but for everyday life I'm wondering how I'm going to survive with a newborn and a very high-energy toddler. How I'm going to get everyday things like grocery shopping done I have no idea, its already hard enough with just one. Has anyone been through raising a new baby on their own for the first year in addition to other young children? Do you have tips for saving my sanity?

My advice is sling baby and pop toddler in cart so you have both hands







We are up to baby number 6. I still hate taking all of the kids to the store with me but it is manageable. It will take come trial and error for you to figure out what works best but it will be ok. I remember when I wasnt from one to two and I was like how do I do this?







Natural reaction I think.


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## marlne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katiemoore27* 
scary, we are leaving the base to go on recruiting duty - in lincoln, NE with no base for 60 miles- what will I do with no military housing- gonna be a change- baby # 4 on the way and I want another homebirt, turns out the only 2 states not allowing is NE and Wisc.


Its definately a change!! We're living it right now, my DH began in Sept. so we're still pretty new in it ourselves. We've got 3 kids and one car and it hasn't been easy. Especially since there's no bus system here.lol

I don't like being off base really but we do what we gotta do, right?


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommyofalmost6* 
My advice is sling baby and pop toddler in cart so you have both hands







We are up to baby number 6. I still hate taking all of the kids to the store with me but it is manageable. It will take come trial and error for you to figure out what works best but it will be ok. I remember when I wasnt from one to two and I was like how do I do this?







Natural reaction I think.

I can usually get 5 minutes out of DS in the cart before he's screaming to be free and running around and destroying things, hopefully that will change once the new baby arrives but I'm not counting on it. I honestly don't get any shopping done with him at the grocery store now unless DH is there to follow him around or take him out of the store if he needs to. This applies to all other outings as well. He really isn't manageable, that's why I'm having somewhat of a breakdown right now


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## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I can usually get 5 minutes out of DS in the cart before he's screaming to be free and running around and destroying things, hopefully that will change once the new baby arrives but I'm not counting on it. I honestly don't get any shopping done with him at the grocery store now unless DH is there to follow him around or take him out of the store if he needs to. This applies to all other outings as well. He really isn't manageable, that's why I'm having somewhat of a breakdown right now









Your DS sounds like exactly like mine in a shopping cart.







I bring in quite a bit of food and water when we shop and I pretty much bribe him the whole time with that. If I shop quickly I can usually finish right as the food is running out.


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## Mommyofalmost6

I am sooo not above bribery in the store when I have to get stuff done lol. I have a little one that was like that. I got a soft back pack that I put on him and could hold on to.. he could walk but not run off and I could get stuff done. I used to hand him things in boxes and what not that he could put in the cart too. Keeping him busy seemed to help. He is 2 1/2 now and will walk nicely in the store so keep faith he will out grow it


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## boobyjuicex3

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I can usually get 5 minutes out of DS in the cart before he's screaming to be free and running around and destroying things, hopefully that will change once the new baby arrives but I'm not counting on it. I honestly don't get any shopping done with him at the grocery store now unless DH is there to follow him around or take him out of the store if he needs to. This applies to all other outings as well. He really isn't manageable, that's why I'm having somewhat of a breakdown right now









My advice would be to find a high school kid (I am not gender specific )to watch your toddler. My kids love the attention from the sitter, the sitter loves the extra money, and I love the time at the store with just the new baby. Also I agree with PP to look into the CDC's give parents a break program. At my base its only 1 Saturday a month so its not too practical for grocery shopping.


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## AFWife

I have a question about on base housing...am I allowed to paint or do other decorative things like that? (interior)


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 

Good God, though, I'm going to miss him.

You will - but your love will get you thorough - welcome to the tribe!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlne* 
I don't like being off base really but we do what we gotta do, right?









We really are all different - living on base scares me to no end!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I have a question about on base housing...am I allowed to paint or do other decorative things like that? (interior)

You CAN but you'll have to paint it white when you leave, just like a rental.

Out here on the island we are doing well. Daddy is "home" if working 12+ hours a day 6 days a week count.

I do love the friends I've made through the FRG - I found one homebirther and some extended nursers which makes me smile, it's so rare for me not to be the "odd lady" who has "only" one child, who had a natural birth, etc. etc. etc.

Anyone have GOOD FRG experiences - ie. ideas that I can use with ours? We are doing a bake sale soon, other ideas out there?


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## ~Katie~

DH is gone until the end of the month for JRTC. We also found out he's changing jobs but its not going to change his deployment status. DS is just starting to get over a cold, the same one I had around Christmas. Now he's given it back to me, not the kind of sharing I can appreciate.

Living on-post is definitely a big change. I'm used to having more privacy and everything but we're getting used to it. There are a lot of benefits, like saving money and being closer to everything. More activities to do and such.

Kailua - I don't have any suggestions for FRG. Mine is just starting to get more active now that we're gearing up for deployment, I'm thinking about volunteering for a position though I don't know how much time I'd be able to dedicate to it in addition to running my business and taking care of kidlets. Ours just did a sale of really nice baskets, bracelets, and wine/labels.


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## psychethemuse

Hello all! I'm an ex-AF mama married to another airman getting ready to PCS but waiting for orders. *sigh* He's in a refresher course and graduates in Feb and we have no clue where we're going (unless one considers the fact that there are only a handful of places we can be stationed to begin with). Anyway, I'm an AF brat too...so I suppose the military is in my blood.


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## ChichosMama

Can I join?
SO and I where planning on getting married in Oct. then little bean decided she wanted to make an appearence. Me being the vein D-O that I am, I refuse to be any bigger than a size 8 for my wedding day. Being that I was 9 months preg. for my first marriage.
SO/BD is in the Navy and station on Coronado Island till July, after that we are hoping for orders to Point Magu. I don't want to leave my home state of Ca.
So do I qualify?


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## ~Katie~

Welcome psychethemuse and ChichosMama!

psychethemuse - I was just in your shoes over the summer, except my DH is Army. I hope you're able to find out where you're heading soon!

ChichosMama - I'd say you qualify, you pay your dues one way or another whether you're married or not. Welcome to the group


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## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I have a question about on base housing...am I allowed to paint or do other decorative things like that? (interior)

You have to paint it back before you leave. I really want to paint DS's room, but I am trying to decide if it will be worth it. It's hard when you don't know how long you will be staying somewhere.


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## chely7425

Hi everyone! Just wanted to pop in and say hi... DH just got back from his/our first deployment so we are just adjusting to having him home. It is nice though, especially since DS has finally figure out that he likes him







Not much else going on here... trying to figure out how on EARTH I am going to handle 2 babies 13-14 months apart without my head exploding...


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## erinid

Hey Everyone!!!

I'm so happy to see other military mamas on here!! My DH is in the Marines, we're currently stationed at 29 Palms, but live off base in Joshua Tree (don't like base housing). We have one daughter who is almost 5 (on the 15th!), and one on the way due in July!!

My DH is in school (again), so no deployments for him thank goodness. I wish I knew more about having a home birth-- I've been trying now (for 3 weeks) to get an appointment at the Naval Hospital on base, but since they seem so hesitant to give me an appointment (I now FINALLY have one), I'm wondering if it would be easier to do something else. Can anyone tell me what the procedure is for getting to do a homebirth and just have a midwife?

Thanks all- and I'm so glad to be here!!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *erinid* 
Hey Everyone!!!

I'm so happy to see other military mamas on here!! My DH is in the Marines, we're currently stationed at 29 Palms, but live off base in Joshua Tree (don't like base housing). We have one daughter who is almost 5 (on the 15th!), and one on the way due in July!!

My DH is in school (again), so no deployments for him thank goodness. I wish I knew more about having a home birth-- I've been trying now (for 3 weeks) to get an appointment at the Naval Hospital on base, but since they seem so hesitant to give me an appointment (I now FINALLY have one), I'm wondering if it would be easier to do something else. Can anyone tell me what the procedure is for getting to do a homebirth and just have a midwife?

Thanks all- and I'm so glad to be here!!

Welcome!

If you're looking for a midwife your best bet is to check out the FYT area here on MDC for your region and ask for recommendations, you can also do a search here or even doing a search on google may bring up some info for you. Once you've located a midwife in your area she will most likely be familiar with Tricare and can tell you how much is covered and the procedure for going about reimbursement. CNMs (certified nurse midwives) are covered by Tricare Prime, you would need to switch to prime if you haven't done so already. There is a big thread in the homebirth forum discussing homebirth and Tricare, you can look there to get a lot of your questions answered as well.


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## MotheringHeart

Hey ladies! AD AF wife here just checking in! We are starting to get crazy around here as we are finishing up an assignment outside of DC and are headed to England in the summer! There's much excitement and lots of nervousness. I really don't like the idea of it taking 60 days to get our household goods over there, but I don't think I have much choice.


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## ChichosMama

Thanks Katie.
I checked out your HC, very nice fluff. Stock in July so I can snag. lol


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## MarineGurl020412

Just checking back in ladies.

Welcome to all the new ladies.


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## kirstenb

Welcome to everyone new!

DH has four weeks left in his cycle and then he graduates his first recruit class. He'll have about five weeks of leave before he picks up a new class so we are hoping to fly home since we didn't go home for Christmas.


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## katheek77

So, um. Yeah.

DH is going to be working crazy hours (understandably). He's assistant station commander. Last night, the station commander called to ask if we could watch his kids as his wife tried to kill herself while he was at the game.

This is the second *wife* who has attempted suicide in the past year FROM THIS STATION. There are 9 recruiters, including DH and the SC. I guess a couple more wives have tried to kill themselves within the company, as well, but it was kind of hush-hush.

Whoo-hoo! Go recruiting! Yes, I am sarcastic because I am kind of in shock, and that is how I react. Honestly. I'm not trying to be flippant....it's just like...Wow. I knew recruiters had ridiculous divorce rates, but, the guys got the "suicide talk" at ATC this year because I guess there've been a few recruiter suicides (we actually knew by association one of the guys, since he was from Dunkirk, which is overseen by DH's old Station Commander), and now, it seems like the wives are, I dunno, following suit?

Screw recruiting.


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## AFWife

DH officially left for basic training today...well, he'll be down in Houston until tomorrow and then off to San Antonio


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## Sarah W

I haven't been in this thread yet.

So...I started a thread in BF challenges a while ago but thought I'd post here. I got orders and I report to Ft. Benning on the 28th of Feb. I'll be there 2 weeks (I think) then I'm off to Afghanistan for a year.

I haven't really talked about it too much, I don't really want to think about it. We're getting things ready to make the transition as smooth as possible. DH is great with DD, so no worries there. I'm just going to miss her so much. I'm OK for the most part, but I still have my moments.


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## ChichosMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I haven't been in this thread yet.

So...I started a thread in BF challenges a while ago but thought I'd post here. I got orders and I report to Ft. Benning on the 28th of Feb. I'll be there 2 weeks (I think) then I'm off to Afghanistan for a year.

I haven't really talked about it too much, I don't really want to think about it. We're getting things ready to make the transition as smooth as possible. DH is great with DD, so no worries there. I'm just going to miss her so much. I'm OK for the most part, but I still have my moments.


Wow mama. You are STRONG. I would be gone with my family in Mexico.


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## ChichosMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
So, um. Yeah.

DH is going to be working crazy hours (understandably). He's assistant station commander. Last night, the station commander called to ask if we could watch his kids as his wife tried to kill herself while he was at the game.

This is the second *wife* who has attempted suicide in the past year FROM THIS STATION. There are 9 recruiters, including DH and the SC. I guess a couple more wives have tried to kill themselves within the company, as well, but it was kind of hush-hush.

Whoo-hoo! Go recruiting! Yes, I am sarcastic because I am kind of in shock, and that is how I react. Honestly. I'm not trying to be flippant....it's just like...Wow. I knew recruiters had ridiculous divorce rates, but, the guys got the "suicide talk" at ATC this year because I guess there've been a few recruiter suicides (we actually knew by association one of the guys, since he was from Dunkirk, which is overseen by DH's old Station Commander), and now, it seems like the wives are, I dunno, following suit?

Screw recruiting.

Uhhh why is this a common occurrence?


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## funfunkyfantastic

Joinin' the club here! DH is underway again. More time away from DD...







But such is life! Luckily she won't really know the difference while he's gone, she's still too young. My mom is still living with us up until we move in april. DH's ship will be going into dry dock then and we're planning on moving right along with it. I'm happy to still have my mom around, the extra help is wonderful!


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## katheek77

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChichosMama* 
Uhhh why is this a common occurrence?


The recruiters' suicides? The hours and pressure. You make mission on pain of your career, and, unfortunately, a lot of it is out of the recruiters' control...something over 90% of recruits are walk-ins (I don't remember the exact stat...I want to say it's high 90s, but, somewhere over 90%)...so, if you don't have a walk-in market, you can be in big trouble. You're [email protected]'d if you make mission, anyway. My husband's station made the mistake of going 99% in fiscal year '07 (whatever the year before last was...I think that's '07, cuz we just started '09), in a NON-walk-in market, so, now they're constantly being told they suck because they're not quite as high this year. And a lot of these guys never wanted to be recruiters, and ended up being "involuntarily converted" while on recruiting duty, so, they're pretty stuck with no way out, other than leaving the army completely when their enlistment is up. The men are supposed to be psychologically screened before they're put on recruiting duty, but...







. Every recruiter my husband knows who's been to Iraq would choose going back over recruiting duty. Especially guys who were used to being sort of "men of action" and depending on themselves and other trained soldiers, and are now sitting behind a desk all day, subject to the whims of (mainly) 18-22 year old civilians.

The wives? Not sure...I have theories...


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## marlne

Recruiting duty is really difficult..
A few "family" and personal difficulties making it difficult (as example) is when its something that makes you have to be someone you really aren't. Like my hubby, he's so NOT a people person and would rather deal and interact with other military members. It's hard on the family of the recruiter too. My husband is gone atleast 14hrs a day and works most Saturdays and some Sundays as well. It's rare if any of the kids are awake when he gets home. Whats hard on me is the feeling of being stranded because we have only one car and no bus system in this town. For us, money is tighter too. Way tighter. Ugh..

There's a lot more difficulties and I've seen other issues but many are ones my husband prefer I don't talk about on a forum since many times there are "other eyes" looking out there for that stuff, creating bigger problems. (I didn't believe it til I saw it) It sure is a different world compared to him being back in the fleet.

My husband is one of those who would rather be back in Iraq over this duty..


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## katheek77

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlne* 
Recruiting duty is really difficult..
A few "family" and personal difficulties making it difficult (as example) is when its something that makes you have to be someone you really aren't. Like my hubby, he's so NOT a people person and would rather deal and interact with other military members. It's hard on the family of the recruiter too. My husband is gone atleast 14hrs a day and works most Saturdays and some Sundays as well. It's rare if any of the kids are awake when he gets home. Whats hard on me is the feeling of being stranded because we have only one car and no bus system in this town. For us, money is tighter too. Way tighter. Ugh..

There's a lot more difficulties and I've seen other issues but many are ones my husband prefer I don't talk about on a forum since many times there are "other eyes" looking out there for that stuff, creating bigger problems. (I didn't believe it til I saw it) It sure is a different world compared to him being back in the fleet.

My husband is one of those who would rather be back in Iraq over this duty..

Oh, my DH would go back in a heartbeat - he did two tours with the 82nd as a 13F. His best friend just got back from his fourth tour over there, and I can always tell that he misses it whenever he talks to Phil. My DH is definitely anti-social - he almost failed kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN) for refusing to participate in circle time, and it hasn't gotten much better since - paper pushing and salesmanship is not for him.


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## AFWife

I really feel pathetic and like I'm whining...but I am NOT going to handle DH being gone very well. We've been together every day since we got married (2 years ago...we even found jobs together in the small town we lived in) and at least spoke every day since we got together (a year and a half before that)...so not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help


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## ChichosMama

Oh my...


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## marlne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
Oh, my DH would go back in a heartbeat - he did two tours with the 82nd as a 13F. His best friend just got back from his fourth tour over there, and I can always tell that he misses it whenever he talks to Phil. My DH is definitely anti-social - he almost failed kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN) for refusing to participate in circle time, and it hasn't gotten much better since - paper pushing and salesmanship is not for him.

My hubby is definately not a salesman either. Going up to people and then having to talk to them was a nightmare, he just doesn't like to deal with civilians and hates being around crowds.
He's gone to Iraq twice as well and just after we moved here for Recruiting duty, he heard his unit he was with were heading for Afghanistan. Talk about being totally upset! He's been dying to go there.
He likes to do his work.. His work is being a good Marine, not a recruiter/salesman.lol


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## marlne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I really feel pathetic and like I'm whining...but I am NOT going to handle DH being gone very well. We've been together every day since we got married (2 years ago...we even found jobs together in the small town we lived in) and at least spoke every day since we got together (a year and a half before that)...so not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help

I'll tell you that going through my hubby's first deployment was hard on me too. That time was when I stopped watching the news. (it helped)

I'll admit its not easy.. The good news is that you _Can_ get through it!
Focus on his home coming. Focus on getting things ready for baby and keep yourself as busy as you can. It helps. Sending off care packages really helps too.
Talk to other girls who have been through it and are going through it if you can. Being around others who have been there and are doing that can really help. They understand.

You will get through this.


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## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I really feel pathetic and like I'm whining...but I am NOT going to handle DH being gone very well. We've been together every day since we got married (2 years ago...we even found jobs together in the small town we lived in) and at least spoke every day since we got together (a year and a half before that)...so not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help











I remember DH's first deployment was super hard on me too. He deployed to Iraq 04-05 when things were really bad and I had a permanent knot in my stomach. I second marlne's advice on finding other military wives- I had that support on his subsequent deployments and it was so nice having that support system of people who KNEW what I was going through.


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## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlne* 
He's gone to Iraq twice as well and just after we moved here for Recruiting duty, he heard his unit he was with were heading for Afghanistan. Talk about being totally upset! He's been dying to go there.
He likes to do his work.. His work is being a good Marine, not a recruiter/salesman.lol

This sounds like my DH! Whenever he hears what his old unit is doing he totally wants to go back to the fleet. He's heard they *might* go to Afghanistan and I can't even tell you how bad he wants to go. And he likes (for the most part) being a DI!


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MotheringHeart* 
Hey ladies! AD AF wife here just checking in! We are starting to get crazy around here as we are finishing up an assignment outside of DC and are headed to England in the summer! There's much excitement and lots of nervousness. I really don't like the idea of it taking 60 days to get our household goods over there, but I don't think I have much choice.

Oh I'm so envious! I wanted the Navy to send me WITH DH when he went to the UK but the tour was not long enough. humph.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 

Whoo-hoo! Go recruiting! Yes, I am sarcastic because I am kind of in shock, and that is how I react. Honestly. I'm not trying to be flippant....it's just like...Wow. I knew recruiters had ridiculous divorce rates, but, the guys got the "suicide talk" at ATC this year because I guess there've been a few recruiter suicides (we actually knew by association one of the guys, since he was from Dunkirk, which is overseen by DH's old Station Commander), and now, it seems like the wives are, I dunno, following suit?

Screw recruiting.

I've heard the divorce rates are astronomical and honestly it's horrid how many people are forced into recruiting duty when they don't want it. It can kill your career and the chances of success are so damn slim. I pray we never see such duty, ever, and I pray for you two to get through it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I got orders and I report to Ft. Benning on the 28th of Feb. I'll be there 2 weeks (I think) then I'm off to Afghanistan for a year.

Have you made Mommy videos? My DD LOVED beyond words watching DVDs of her Daddy reading stories and we made one for each month he was gone so she had "new" ones every few weeks.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
My DH is definitely anti-social - he almost failed kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN) for refusing to participate in circle time, and it hasn't gotten much better since - paper pushing and salesmanship is not for him.

My DH is the same - what is it with these darling antisocial DHs in the military?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
not having contact is hard.

Pregnancy hormones don't help

You ARE going to be fine!
Figure out what works for YOU - write into a journal as a really long letter, have him leave you cards to open once a week, etc. etc.
It's like labor - it hurts, but you get through it and come out stronger at the other end.

Here - DH is working from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m. six days a week and I have a hard time not laughing when people congratulate me for "having him home." I know the sarcastic attitude does not come off well, but some days, it is too much to hide it.

I've only found one other wife I like much and our children are 5 years apart in age and she lives 30 minutes away. So much for friends from "the boat."


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## AFWife

Thank you so much for all of your kinds words. I just keep telling myself it's only 8 weeks (basic training) and then we can at least TALK more often.

Question: About when will my housing allowance come in? Will it be with the first paycheck?


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## MarineGurl020412

Hi ladies just checking in again. I am so behind so I am just going to start over from here.

I got both of my girls signed up for the Sibling class that is offered at the hospital. They will be going this coming Saturday and then the 7th of Feb will be the "Lamaze" class that they offer. It is all done in one day and that works for me instead of having to trying and find care for several days.


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## Cardinal

Anyone ever lived at Beale AFB in CA? I need info fast!!


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Thank you so much for all of your kinds words. I just keep telling myself it's only 8 weeks (basic training) and then we can at least TALK more often.

Question: About when will my housing allowance come in? Will it be with the first paycheck?

The BAH should be in the first paycheck although the military is notorious for getting pay things wrong and fixing them in their own sweet time. I'd find the # to the PSD (Personel Support Detachment) where he is and go over your first LES (Pay statement found online at MyPay) and make sure it's right. His BAH will be based on the county HE is stationed in and not where YOU live, bummer, I know.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cardinal* 
Anyone ever lived at Beale AFB in CA? I need info fast!!

Nope! Maybe in FYT you could find someone from near there?


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## Maluhia

Quote:

trying and find care for several days.
That part is often the worst - finding reliable childcare when far from home.

Are you delivering at a MTF or out in town? I had a friend who delivered out in town there 5+ years ago and she said she was treated as if she were at a spa - amazing!


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## AFWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 
The BAH should be in the first paycheck although the military is notorious for getting pay things wrong and fixing them in their own sweet time. I'd find the # to the PSD (Personel Support Detachment) where he is and go over your first LES (Pay statement found online at MyPay) and make sure it's right. *His BAH will be based on the county HE is stationed in and not where YOU live, bummer, I know.*

This I did not know. So it's based on San Antonio and not Houston?

Let me just say that having your husband call and only be able to say, "Hey babe, here's my address, love you" should be considered wife torture.


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## Maluhia

Yeah - it's mean and sucks.

I'm dealing with a CRAZY EVIL CO wife who is just causing my life more consternation than I'd ever care to experience again. ONE.MORE.MONTH. and then she goes away - thank GOD.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 
Have you made Mommy videos? My DD LOVED beyond words watching DVDs of her Daddy reading stories and we made one for each month he was gone so she had "new" ones every few weeks.

Not yet, but I will be! I found that suggestion a couple weeks ago and thought it was great. I got a program to create DVDs and I've got several books. I'm planning on ordering a few more and starting soon.

I won't be leaving until Mar 7th now, so that's a little unexpected bonus.


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## nia82

Hmm when DH went to OTS we received BAH and COLA based on my ZIP code. So we received it for San Francisco, and not Montgomery, AL, which is a substantial difference.


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## AFWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
Hmm when DH went to OTS we received BAH and COLA based on my ZIP code. So we received it for San Francisco, and not Montgomery, AL, which is a substantial difference.

Thankfully it wouldn't be too huge a difference if it's based on his...but i would get a couple hundred more if it's based on mine.

I guess I'll see in a week or so. Pay day is the 30th right? Because the 1st is a Sunday?


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## boobyjuicex3

Alright mama's, I have a crazy question for you. I have a friend that is getting a $16,000 federal tax refund! Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? Little background: Family of 4, navy ( enlisted e-4) with less than 5 yrs in, they did 4 months in Iraq, they did not own their home in 07 (they closed on it Dec 29) and they used tax slayer.com to file. I feel like it is a mistake and don't know what to say to her.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boobyjuicex3* 
Alright mama's, I have a crazy question for you. I have a friend that is getting a $16,000 federal tax refund! Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? Little background: Family of 4, navy with less than 5 yrs in, they did 4 months in Iraq, they did not own their home in 07 (they closed on it Dec 29) and they used tax slayer.com to file. I feel like it is a mistake and don't know what to say to her.

Did they claim zero dependents last year? I have no idea what their income is but we're a family of 3 and we're getting 7k. I was going to ask if they bought a home since that would help explain it but if they didn't I have no idea.


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## boobyjuicex3

We are a family of 6, own our home and claim 2 getting 7k.


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## ~Katie~

Hmm....that does sound really weird to me based on e-4 pay, we make well over 10k more a year than that and we're definitely not getting anywhere close to that back. I'm going to guess and say they claimed zero dependents last year.


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## marimara

Hello ladies! I just found this tribe! My husband is ADAF for 12 years now. I am also prior AF myself. We have a 2yo dd. We are currently stationed at Moody AFB, in Georgia. Been here 2 years already! Time flies so fast. I was thinking I should try to connect with some military mamas more like myself since I can't seem to find any where I live!

Sometimes it's so hard being a military spouse and having to move so often and then getting stuck living somewhere you don't like or don't fit in. We moved down here from the DC area so we thought that we could use the change of pace and all with the new baby. Boy did we NOT know what we were getting into! This town is nice and all but so very UN-progressive and conservative. At least I am closer to my family down here but still....Any advice for helping me find happiness here? I've just been trying to get out of town as much as possible on the weekends (go down to Florida). We probably have 2-3 more years here due to my dh taking a 1st Sgt job this year.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblingstar* 
Hello ladies! I just found this tribe! My husband is ADAF for 12 years now. I am also prior AF myself. We have a 2yo dd. We are currently stationed at Moody AFB, in Georgia. Been here 2 years already! Time flies so fast. I was thinking I should try to connect with some military mamas more like myself since I can't seem to find any where I live!

Sometimes it's so hard being a military spouse and having to move so often and then getting stuck living somewhere you don't like or don't fit in. We moved down here from the DC area so we thought that we could use the change of pace and all with the new baby. Boy did we NOT know what we were getting into! This town is nice and all but so very UN-progressive and conservative. At least I am closer to my family down here but still....Any advice for helping me find happiness here? I've just been trying to get out of town as much as possible on the weekends (go down to Florida). We probably have 2-3 more years here due to my dh taking a 1st Sgt job this year.

Welcome

and







I think I could have written your post. For us northerners, its a BIG change down here. My best advice would be to check out the regional tribe on here and ask people if there are any groups that focus on your interests, there almost always are.


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## psychethemuse

Hello again. Well, we found out we're going back to Ft. Gordon (Augusta, GA) and I'm really trying to stay positive about it (DH and I are westerners at heart). At least we have a house to go back to.

Still no orders though. The one person who is in charge of putting orders together here thinks there is no rush, even though DH graduates in 16 days.







I guess that's because our report no later than date is in July (yeah, big screw up there). I'd like to schedule TMO so we can have an idea of when we can move and therefore let our tenants know when we want them to move out. However, that will have to wait.


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## AFWife

Got my first letter from DH today...I have a question...

He said he got put on EC for a couple of hours while the flight was doing medical and dental stuff...he didn't explain so maybe someone here can...What's EC Duty? I've been on MDC too long because EC means something entirely different in my mind! (I should hope that our Air Force recruits aren't practicing potty training...







)


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## kirstenb

I have no idea but I thought the same as you!


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## AFWife

I did a little research and it's Entry Guard...the person that makes sure only that flight and TI enters the dorm...everyone takes 2 hour shifts.


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## ihugtrees

Navy mama here. I'm due in June and we will PCS in December. It will be my first time away from my family and hometown, other than two semesters at a college 3 hours away. Being that I will also be a new mama, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. DH will probably deploy pretty soon after we get to our new place, too. Yippeee...


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I did a little research and it's Entry Guard...the person that makes sure only that flight and TI enters the dorm...everyone takes 2 hour shifts.

So the Air force version of CQ duty? That's what I assumed it what but wasn't sure.


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## meganbarr

Hey Ladies. I havent posted on here in a while, but I have a really long question. We just moved to Tyndall AFB and so far the medical clinic here has been a NIGHTMARE. When I called to make an appt for DD to get a referral for a new pediatric urologist, the lady told me I had to speak to a nurse first? I waited all day for a call from the nurse. The next day, I started calling them. They said her line was busy so I started calling every hour (I forgot to mention that each time you call the appt line you have to wait like 10 minutes to get to a person) Finally, they quit answering the phone when I called. At about 3pm they told me it might be the next day before I could talk to the nurse to schedule an appt just to see her PCM. I got mad and told the lady "ok I understand she is busy so Ill just come to the clinic when you open tomorrow and wait until a doctor sees her, Im sure it will probably take a while but dont worry Ill bring a lunch." The nurse called me an hour later and scheduled the appt. When I saw the doctor she didnt read any of the med records, ultrasound and vcug slides, or immunization records. She just gave them all back and told me she didnt need them. She then handed me a copy of the "standard" immunization record and told me to stop by the referral desk and go to the immunization clinic. At the immunization clinic was another disaster filled nightmare and the people were just plain mean and nasty. When I called to make a yearly pap appt it was more of the same crap and hateful people and once again it took all day. So neways what i would like to know is, is there any way for us to use civilian doctors? I stopped by the tricare office and the lady was mean and more concerned about why i didnt want to use the military clinic. She handed me some papers and said "Fill this out and write a letter" When I asked her what she ment by a letter she just said "fill this out and write a letter, they may or many not approve your request" Has anyone else had experience with this? Any suggestions on the "letter"?


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
Hey Ladies. I havent posted on here in a while, but I have a really long question. We just moved to Tyndall AFB and so far the medical clinic here has been a NIGHTMARE. When I called to make an appt for DD to get a referral for a new pediatric urologist, the lady told me I had to speak to a nurse first? I waited all day for a call from the nurse. The next day, I started calling them. They said her line was busy so I started calling every hour (I forgot to mention that each time you call the appt line you have to wait like 10 minutes to get to a person) Finally, they quit answering the phone when I called. At about 3pm they told me it might be the next day before I could talk to the nurse to schedule an appt just to see her PCM. I got mad and told the lady "ok I understand she is busy so Ill just come to the clinic when you open tomorrow and wait until a doctor sees her, Im sure it will probably take a while but dont worry Ill bring a lunch." The nurse called me an hour later and scheduled the appt. When I saw the doctor she didnt read any of the med records, ultrasound and vcug slides, or immunization records. She just gave them all back and told me she didnt need them. She then handed me a copy of the "standard" immunization record and told me to stop by the referral desk and go to the immunization clinic. At the immunization clinic was another disaster filled nightmare and the people were just plain mean and nasty. When I called to make a yearly pap appt it was more of the same crap and hateful people and once again it took all day. So neways what i would like to know is, is there any way for us to use civilian doctors? I stopped by the tricare office and the lady was mean and more concerned about why i didnt want to use the military clinic. She handed me some papers and said "Fill this out and write a letter" When I asked her what she ment by a letter she just said "fill this out and write a letter, they may or many not approve your request" Has anyone else had experience with this? Any suggestions on the "letter"?

I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience, that makes me so angry for you







I would completely bypass all of those people and call Tricare directly for the information you need, explain that your child has particular health care needs that aren't being met by the on-post clinic and you need to see someone more specialized off-post. You can see civilian doctors and have them be covered under Tricare Prime.


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## meganbarr

I did call Tri-South directly. They told me to go to my local Tricare office and that I would need to obtain a waiver to see an off base provider. They told me that the person in the Tricare office would help me fill the paperwork out. However, the lady in the local Tricare office was being deliberately unhelpful and basically refused to give me more information about what was supposed to be in the letter that I am supposed to attach to the paperwork. I really have no idea what the letter is supposed to say or who it is supposed to be addressed to and she refused to tell me. I was so angry I called my husband crying and told him I was going to go get a full time job so that I could get civilian health insurance! Honestly, Im still considering it.


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## marimara

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
I did call Tri-South directly. They told me to go to my local Tricare office and that I would need to obtain a waiver to see an off base provider. They told me that the person in the Tricare office would help me fill the paperwork out. However, the lady in the local Tricare office was being deliberately unhelpful and basically refused to give me more information about what was supposed to be in the letter that I am supposed to attach to the paperwork. I really have no idea what the letter is supposed to say or who it is supposed to be addressed to and she refused to tell me. I was so angry I called my husband crying and told him I was going to go get a full time job so that I could get civilian health insurance! Honestly, Im still considering it.

I believe the letter is supposed to say (addressed to Tricare) that you don't want to be seen on base and then state your reasons. This happens alot in my area, our base facilities suck too. Say that you have to wait too long to get an apt, waiting too long when you get there. You have small children and this is unacceptable. I'm pretty sure just a simple letter stating that you want to go off base will do the job. Sometimes military medical sucks!


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## nia82

I'm so sorry for you! At Vandenberg AFB only kids under 3 are obliged to see the military ped; everyone else can just choose a PCM in town or choose to see the military docs. That's under Prime.
I never saw a military doc, I went with civilians. Does Tyndall require you really to see an on-base-doc? If yes, I would write a really long letter, describing the rudeness, long wait etc to Tricare and demand a referral off-base. I'd made quite a stink about it, and I think you have every right to do so after the treatment you received.
The local facilities aren't much better either. The ped is ok, but bullies about vaccinating and shared incorrect information, then admitted that he never read a vaccine package insert and doesn't know what's in there.







:
I called the immunization clinic to find out which vaccine brand they use, unfriendly people on the phone with no answers. *sigh*
We will PCS in June to WY, if the base facilities are equally horrible, we'll switch DS to Standard. It has copays, but at least you are free.


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## katheek77

Whoo-hoo!

New recruiting rules just came down from brigade!

The recruiters are NOT allowed to work past 2100. Although I assume this does not include the days right before mission day. But, I'll take it.

They are to leave at 1630 ALL Wednesdays for "family time".

They have to get two Saturdays/month off.

Wheeeeee! I really hope they stick with this.


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## MangoMommy

It sounds like you got the wrong info from the Tricare office, at least as far as I understand it. You DO have the option to use Tricare Prime out in town, as long as you use an approved provider from their list.

Go to http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/home/Me...ndingAProvider

click on find a provider then click on find a network provider, then it takes you to a Humana page (that's who services the area) and you put in your zip and specialty,etc. Then you call the doctor and ask if they are accepting new Tricare Prime patients.
you can download the form to fill out to change http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/Downloa...ment_South.pdf

I would also recommend calling Tricare (the 800# not the local office) directly and tell them the base isn't easy access for you,etc you have a hard time getting appts or whatever excuse you want, but that you need to find out how you pick a tricare prime approved pediatrician out in town.

Good luck!

I ended up going Tricare Standard for me, but it's because when you are pregnant you either have the baby at the base or go Standard and have the baby out in town.

***sounds like you did call tricare directly...I'm sorry you're having troubles! When I do Tyndall's zip code, it pulls up Tricare Prime peds so I don't know why you can't see one of them. Odd!!


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## AFWife

ARGH! It's the first payday and I'm already having issues.

When we opened the USAA account we were told we could open it with a zero balance because he hadn't left for basic training yet...apparently that's wrong. They closed the account after 45 days and DIDN'T TELL US!!! (we opened it back in October so there was plenty of time to inform us) Well, that means the direct deposit info he took with him isn't valid. So when finance tried to pay him they tried to deposit into a closed account...and it got kicked back. Now I have NO idea how to get my money and I really need it to pay bills! I called his recruiter and she's trying to see what she can do...







: Please tell me this isn't normal. I have anxiety issues as it is.


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## marimara

No it's not normal, once you get the direct deposit sorted out you shouldn't have any more problems. Occasionally Finance will mess up pay for TDYs but not that often. We use BOA because they are everywhere and their "military bank" is quite nice. Also we've used the local base credit unions often before. I've not had much luck with USAA before, sorry..


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## AFWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblingstar* 
No it's not normal, once you get the direct deposit sorted out you shouldn't have any more problems. Occasionally Finance will mess up pay for TDYs but not that often. We use BOA because they are everywhere and their "military bank" is quite nice. Also we've used the local base credit unions often before. I've not had much luck with USAA before, sorry..

It's okay. Now the issue is dealing with DFAS (finance I guess) because they won't release the funds to USAA now. I'm having to do stuff with MyPay and try to get at it that way. Problem with that is HE set it up down there so I have no idea what the PIN number is or anything like that. And because I don't have "power of attorney" they won't let me do much directly. I hate to think that they're going to pull him out of training to have him fix it or something. That would suck. He's gone this long without getting yelled at or in trouble...


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## marimara

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
It's okay. Now the issue is dealing with DFAS (finance I guess) because they won't release the funds to USAA now. I'm having to do stuff with MyPay and try to get at it that way. Problem with that is HE set it up down there so I have no idea what the PIN number is or anything like that. And because I don't have "power of attorney" they won't let me do much directly. I hate to think that they're going to pull him out of training to have him fix it or something. That would suck. He's gone this long without getting yelled at or in trouble...

I would highly, highly, highly, suggest you get a General Power of Attorney. If he is deployed or in training you will need to do things like this and sometimes (like if he is deployed) it could be days or weeks before you could hear from him. Dealing with Finance can be a PITA sometimes but it comes with the territory. Also another word to the wise, (since I saw you were new to the military, 1st Sgt wife here), getting into a financial trouble-overloaded on debt, payments, etc can get your dh into trouble and he could possibly lose his job over it. It's very important to keep good track of your finances and not get into too much debt. It's so so so so common to see new airmen and their families join the AF and immediately get into debt, because they suddenly see these nice paychecks and want to spend, spend, spend. First thing they do is get a new car. Not saying at all that you guys are like that, I just wanted to throw that out there (because I was just talking to some airmen about this at lunch today).














:


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## AFWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblingstar* 
I would highly, highly, highly, suggest you get a General Power of Attorney. If he is deployed or in training you will need to do things like this and sometimes (like if he is deployed) it could be days or weeks before you could hear from him. Dealing with Finance can be a PITA sometimes but it comes with the territory. Also another word to the wise, (since I saw you were new to the military, 1st Sgt wife here), getting into a financial trouble-overloaded on debt, payments, etc can get your dh into trouble and he could possibly lose his job over it. It's very important to keep good track of your finances and not get into too much debt. It's so so so so common to see new airmen and their families join the AF and immediately get into debt, because they suddenly see these nice paychecks and want to spend, spend, spend. First thing they do is get a new car. Not saying at all that you guys are like that, I just wanted to throw that out there (because I was just talking to some airmen about this at lunch today).














:

He's good about money and finances. We're actually trying to follow the Dave Ramsey plan...Yes, we will be getting a new car but we desperately NEED it (not WANT it)
My brother is a Marine and he's told me about all these guys that have their entire paycheck spent in a matter of days...I don't understand it.







I do appreciate the concern, though. We're trying our hardest to get OUT of debt (hopefully that will only take 2 or so years...we don't have THAT much and the majority of it is student loans)








LOL Any other words of wisdom are very welcome!!!


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## ~Katie~

Awesome news, katheek!

DH came back from JRTC on Wednesday night and it only took DS about 20 minutes to warm back up to him. He was confused because he saw him for the first time upon waking up and I think he must have thought he was still dreaming.

We now have a set date for deployment, less than a week before my due date. Still not entirely sure if DH will be allowed to stay until after the birth but we should find that out soon. The reality of it has started hitting me these last few days since we started packing up his stuff to get it ready to send over there. I'm trying to put on a brave face though.


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## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
We now have a set date for deployment, less than a week before my due date. Still not entirely sure if DH will be allowed to stay until after the birth but we should find that out soon. The reality of it has started hitting me these last few days since we started packing up his stuff to get it ready to send over there. I'm trying to put on a brave face though.











DH graduated his first recruit class on Friday.







It was fun to be at the graduation ceremony- the last boot camp graduation I was at was when he graduated 5 years ago. Not much has changed! He is home on leave until the end of the month, then he starts a new cycle. He pretty much spent the whole weekend sleeping.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
We now have a set date for deployment, less than a week before my due date. Still not entirely sure if DH will be allowed to stay until after the birth but we should find that out soon. The reality of it has started hitting me these last few days since we started packing up his stuff to get it ready to send over there. I'm trying to put on a brave face though.


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## AFWife

Tricare Question!!!

I called to enroll in Tricare Prime Remote (it's what the recruiter told me I needed) and they said I'd have to fill out a form online and blah blah blah (several weeks until I get coverage kind of thing)

Then she told me I was already enrolled in Tricare Standard and would just have a deductible of $50...

Is that right?


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## katheek77

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Tricare Question!!!

I called to enroll in Tricare Prime Remote (it's what the recruiter told me I needed) and they said I'd have to fill out a form online and blah blah blah (several weeks until I get coverage kind of thing)

Then she told me I was already enrolled in Tricare Standard and would just have a deductible of $50...

Is that right?

Depending on when you send the form in, it will start the first of the next month or the first of the second next month (I think the cutoff date is the 20th...not sure...so, if you fill it out by Feb 15, it would start Mar 1, but if you fill it out Feb 21, it wouldn't start until April 1). Although since I found out I was pregnant the week we PCS'd, they made mine retroactive to the start of the month I filed in.

Clear as mud?

TPR is awesome. I







: it. Much wider selection of doctors to choose from. I know nothing about standard, though I think there's also a cost share in addition to your deductible.

ETA:
TRICARE Standard
Outpatient cost share after deductible is met:20% of the TRICARE allowable charge You may be required to file your own claims

Here's the tricare standard handbook: http://www.tricare.mil/mybenefit/Dow...andbook_06.pdf


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## marlne

AFwife~ I don't get the whole tricare thing honestly some days.
When we got to our destination, we visited the tricare office and they set it up for us.

While on RD..
Been kinda quiet lately as we're all a little down with recruiting duty.
Never thought how bad it could really affect you when you have one car!
I'm literally stranded with my 3yr old all day just about 6 days a week or so. My girls can't even do things after school with me not having a car.
There's no bus system here either unfortunately to get around anywhere.
It can get a bit depressing.

My DH is having a hard time too with RD. As I've mentioned before, he's just not recruiter material. He's not a salesman at all and doesn't like people. (wll more like he just isn't a people person. He likes other military ppl.lol)
The guy in charge asked him if he wanted to quit already.
Hmmmm, wonder what could happen to my hubby if he did? I didn't know they _could_ quit.

It's not like he isn't trying though. He's honestly trying very hard to do the best he can.


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## Kassyaf13

I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Keri and I am stationed overseas with my husband. We have one DS that is 5 months old. I am new to this site but love to have military mom's to relate to.


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## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlne* 
My DH is having a hard time too with RD. As I've mentioned before, he's just not recruiter material. He's not a salesman at all and doesn't like people. (wll more like he just isn't a people person. He likes other military ppl.lol)
The guy in charge asked him if he wanted to quit already.
Hmmmm, wonder what could happen to my hubby if he did? I didn't know they _could_ quit.

It's not like he isn't trying though. He's honestly trying very hard to do the best he can.











Sorry you are all having a hard time with RD. I'm not sure what would happen if he quit, but it wouldn't be good. It would go in his record and it could be a very long time before he was able to pick up rank. It's very possible they would look at it when it came time to reenlist. I hope that it gets better for him with time (and for you too!).

Welcome Kassyaf13!


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## cat_tengel

where do I start? DH has talked for years about joining the Army, and it looks like he's actually going to do it this time. What do I need to know? I don't even know what to ask in the first place







...how does housing work? how about everything else? I'll be handling most of the practical, day-to-day life stuff so...what do I need to know to pull this off without pulling out all my hair? TIA!
Caitlin


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## Alohamelly

My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.


----------



## marlne

Thanks Kirsten








I have been talking daily with my hubby in trying to get him to get me a used car with our tax return.. He's agreeing with me so I'm a little hopeful.
Now it's just a matter of what I can find over the phone or internet that he can go look at.

He's going to keep hanging in there of course. I think it's just going to take a bit longer than a "few months" adjustment for him. (more like the whole few years.lol)
HOpefully with having a second car, it will help us here stranded at home and maybe even him when we can come visit.
We are currently a 20min drive from DH's office. Getting a car is our best option and I think it could help. Keep your fingers crossed we find a car?

Alohamelly~ I think it's doable!
Do you have any family here on the mainland that will keep your cars for you?
If not, how about finding a storage place that accepts cars? Unfortunately I don't know how much that would cost..
We didn't think we'd miss Oahu but are finding we are already.lol


----------



## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

AlohaMelly!
Do you have family in the area that could help you here on O'ahu? Could you afford to ship 1 car to the island? I'm not sure how Army (you guys are Army?) works with deployments and moves,etc but I can imagine missing the warmth and sunshine. I know I will when we leave in a year.

BTW, I think I "know" you thru HMW...I joined, probably as you were leaving?


----------



## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Tricare Question!!!

I called to enroll in Tricare Prime Remote (it's what the recruiter told me I needed) and they said I'd have to fill out a form online and blah blah blah (several weeks until I get coverage kind of thing)

Then she told me I was already enrolled in Tricare Standard and would just have a deductible of $50...

Is that right?

Ok, you (the wife) are automatically enrolled in Tricare Standard when you are entered into DEERS. Tricare Standard requires a deductible, plus co-pays for every visit. You can go this route if you need to be seen immediately while you wait on Tricare Prime, but I'd do the paperwork for Prime and wait for it. Tricare Prime Remote is ZERO out of pocket but you still get to pick doctors. Normally those on Tricare Prime have to be seen at the medical facility onbase but when you don't like by a base you get to pick.


----------



## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cat_tengel* 
where do I start? DH has talked for years about joining the Army, and it looks like he's actually going to do it this time. What do I need to know? I don't even know what to ask in the first place







...how does housing work? how about everything else? I'll be handling most of the practical, day-to-day life stuff so...what do I need to know to pull this off without pulling out all my hair? TIA!
Caitlin

I wasn't with my DH when he joined, we met a year later so he was already getting paid so I don't know how that works out. But be prepared for all and everything to not make sense or go wrong. LOL. It's rough at first while they get the finances figured out I've heard.

Basically he'll get base pay (which is pretty low but decent) and a housing allowance, unless you live in base housing.


----------



## Kassyaf13

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cat_tengel* 
where do I start? DH has talked for years about joining the Army, and it looks like he's actually going to do it this time. What do I need to know? I don't even know what to ask in the first place







...how does housing work? how about everything else? I'll be handling most of the practical, day-to-day life stuff so...what do I need to know to pull this off without pulling out all my hair? TIA!
Caitlin

Cat Tengel,
All military branches offer LOTS of classes once he joins. The minute you get your ID card go on base and start trying to get in to classes. They have ones on how to PCS, how finance works, how housing is done, all of that. If you can't find the classes then just start making phone calls, your first one should be to the Family Support Center, I think that's what the Army's is called. A lot of people don't know about the stuff that is offered but I promise if you get involved then knowledge will be your power.


----------



## Kassyaf13

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

I used to be stationed in Washington and there is a place in Tacoma down by the industrial area that you can store your car for up to two years. I don't know how much it costs but they look after your car and it's in a locked facility, there are also places down there that you can ask about shipping if you'd like to do that. To ship our car to Germany it was $2000. It might be cheaper since Hawaii is closer.


----------



## kindheartcarol

hi everyone!
i just joined today so i'm tryin to get the hang of everything. I'm a usmc wife i've been with my marine for close to 2 yrs now. i survived a deployment while being prego with ds last yr. right now we're working on post deployment baby #2 (while breastfeeding).


----------



## marlne

Welcome to all who are joining here! Glad you're here!

Warning... possible vent ahead..

Okay, Where in the internet world can one find a "Safer" place to talk or vent w/o it affecting your husband at work?lol
No where? Thought so...








I can't even talk on a military or marine recruiter wives forum w/o someone spying.

Is it somewhat discrimination when those "higher up" are putting blame on the "older" wife when the husband is having a hard time?
They say because I'm older than my husband, I'm the one putting "thoughts" in his head.









I may be older than my husband but we are together on things and when it comes to his job, I am "behind" him. Not the one pulling the dang reigns.
Never ever once did I suggest a single thing to him. We are here with him and supporting him. Yes, he knows its getting to me about being stranded, but I'm not making it a horrible situation. Heck, it would probably get to just about anyone to be stranded.
I'm dealing and we'll "together" fix the situation, but... I'm so upset that they would suggest any problems are because my husband married someone older than him and suggest that it's me doing things!
Why does age have to affect anything like this anyway?
Ugh..
It's bugging me..


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kindheartcarol* 
hi everyone!
i just joined today so i'm tryin to get the hang of everything. I'm a usmc wife i've been with my marine for close to 2 yrs now. i survived a deployment while being prego with ds last yr. right now we're working on post deployment baby #2 (while breastfeeding).











Hello! I see we live close to each other! Do you live on base or in town?


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlne* 
Okay, Where in the internet world can one find a "Safer" place to talk or vent w/o it affecting your husband at work?lol
No where? Thought so...








I can't even talk on a military or marine recruiter wives forum w/o someone spying.

Is it somewhat discrimination when those "higher up" are putting blame on the "older" wife when the husband is having a hard time?
They say because I'm older than my husband, I'm the one putting "thoughts" in his head.



















How did they find out it was you? I'm super leary of those kinds of boards because of that reason.


----------



## marlne

Every "recruiter wife" has to be careful. Its super easy to find out who your hubby is and for some reason there are people who search out forums to find out what is being said. I just don't get it, Why?
My DH said there was someone on one of the groups I joined that was there to "see" if they can find out what is going on.

There were two guys in the past (one kind of recent too) who in fact got in some type of trouble because of things their wives shared.









I'm upset about me being blamed for my DH's problems (he's only been at it for 4mos) with RD due to me being older and yet have noone to talk to about it.. Why bring up me being older and then saying I'm to blame?
It makes me mad when I've done nothing.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlne* 
Alohamelly~ I think it's doable!
Do you have any family here on the mainland that will keep your cars for you?
If not, how about finding a storage place that accepts cars? Unfortunately I don't know how much that would cost..
We didn't think we'd miss Oahu but are finding we are already.lol

I don't know anyone here who could keep our cars. I really want my husband to sell his before he leaves and then I'd like to ship mine over. I know we'd have to pay out of pocket though, but I do have time to save for that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MangoMommy* 
AlohaMelly!
Do you have family in the area that could help you here on O'ahu? Could you afford to ship 1 car to the island? I'm not sure how Army (you guys are Army?) works with deployments and moves,etc but I can imagine missing the warmth and sunshine. I know I will when we leave in a year.

BTW, I think I "know" you thru HMW...I joined, probably as you were leaving?

I have a lot of friends over there that could help me. My dad is there, but he's moving this spring.

That's pretty cool that you are on HMW! Is it still going strong? I helped create that board, btw.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kassyaf13* 
I used to be stationed in Washington and there is a place in Tacoma down by the industrial area that you can store your car for up to two years. I don't know how much it costs but they look after your car and it's in a locked facility, there are also places down there that you can ask about shipping if you'd like to do that. To ship our car to Germany it was $2000. It might be cheaper since Hawaii is closer.

Thanks for that info. That's good to know! I'm thinking to ship one car to Hawaii, it would cost at least $1000


----------



## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 

That's pretty cool that you are on HMW! Is it still going strong? I helped create that board, btw.









Yup, still going strong, prob lots of ladies you know are still there (but they are on the mainland now.)

I hope it all works out for you!


----------



## AFWife

I hate the United States Air Force a little bit right now...I just got a letter from DH and he told me that they moved his tech school from Sheppard (5-6 hours away) to Keesler in Mississippi (a different state). He's going to be in tech when the baby is born and I'm SO UPSET that he might miss it. Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????


----------



## Kassyaf13

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I hate the United States Air Force a little bit right now...I just got a letter from DH and he told me that they moved his tech school from Sheppard (5-6 hours away) to Keesler in Mississippi (a different state). He's going to be in tech when the baby is born and I'm SO UPSET that he might miss it. Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????

They can because the same thing happen to my friend and her husband was flown back from Tech School in time to be with her and the baby. He might have to stay a little longer in Tech School, like a couple of days if he misses info or a test, but in the end it will be worth it. Have him talk to his MTL once he gets to Keesler, they should be able to help.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I hate the United States Air Force a little bit right now...I just got a letter from DH and he told me that they moved his tech school from Sheppard (5-6 hours away) to Keesler in Mississippi (a different state). He's going to be in tech when the baby is born and I'm SO UPSET that he might miss it. Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????

I'm not sure if its the same thing but my DH will most likely be staying behind for a bit during his deployment for this baby to be born, so I assume they could have him come home but it would be something he needs to work out ahead of time and make others aware of it.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlne* 
Welcome to all who are joining here! Glad you're here!

Warning... possible vent ahead..

Okay, Where in the internet world can one find a "Safer" place to talk or vent w/o it affecting your husband at work?lol
No where? Thought so...








I can't even talk on a military or marine recruiter wives forum w/o someone spying.

Is it somewhat discrimination when those "higher up" are putting blame on the "older" wife when the husband is having a hard time?
They say because I'm older than my husband, I'm the one putting "thoughts" in his head.









I may be older than my husband but we are together on things and when it comes to his job, I am "behind" him. Not the one pulling the dang reigns.
Never ever once did I suggest a single thing to him. We are here with him and supporting him. Yes, he knows its getting to me about being stranded, but I'm not making it a horrible situation. Heck, it would probably get to just about anyone to be stranded.
I'm dealing and we'll "together" fix the situation, but... I'm so upset that they would suggest any problems are because my husband married someone older than him and suggest that it's me doing things!
Why does age have to affect anything like this anyway?
Ugh..
It's bugging me..









I don't talk on any boards but here, maybe a little on diaper swappers but I just avoid the military boards all together. Don't let them suck you down like that, people are a-holes and like to start drama just for the sake of doing it. You know you're helping and not hindering and he knows that too so don't let them get to you


----------



## marlne

Thank you so much Katie! I truly appreciate it.
Yeah, they definately made to to where I won't go to any future military function.. I don't want to see any of them, let alone meet them now.
I don't want to be around those people at all. They've got no reason to bring me up, let alone me being older than my husband.


----------



## dirtyhipegirl

Hello all,

I haven't been on here in forever, so I'll reintroduce myself. Lindsay, dh is in the AF. We are stationed at Aviano for the next couple of years. After that we are planning on putting in for Hickam and if not we are going to get out for sure. Being a military spouse can be really hard at times. My dh was in Korea for a year, that sucked, but I'm grateful for all the travel opportunities. Look forward to getting to know you all.


----------



## ~Katie~

Welcome back!

Not much to report here, just getting ready for the new baby and DH is busy, busy preparing for this deployment. We're heading to Florida next week for a little work vacation since DH is in charge of some stuff down there, it won't be much of a vacation for him but it will give us all a little break at least.

Hope everyone is well!


----------



## ChichosMama

SO put in his orders AGAIN, prayers pls ladies that he stays here in San Diego. Thanks!
<3


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
My husband deploys again later this year and I want to go home for it. I want to go to Hawaii and stay there for the year. I'm not happy here. I need the warmth and sunshine and good friends. I'll have 3 kids, including one baby who will be about 4 months old. What do you think? Doable? What would you do with the cars? We've left our things in storage for a year, so I know that's doable, but the cars are an issue. Also, I don't know if we'd be as lucky as we were when we stayed in AZ for the year while my DH was in Korea. The Army paid to move us there and then they packed us up and moved us out of there. I don't know if they'd do that for a deployment. My husband is unsupportive of this plan because he thinks if I go back, I will never leave again and I've told him over and over that it's not true. I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

Hi Melly:

Unfortunately, the Army won't pay for the move to Hawaii or back, and will only pay Ft. Lewis rates for BAH when your DH is deployed. I recently checked into this myself because I'm with family here in CA while my DH finishes phase 3 of officer training (MIBOLC) in AZ, and I wanted to stay here instead of go up to Ft. Lewis because DH will deploy shortly after we arrive. I completely understand your dilemma, and hope you can find a way to make going home work for you







.


----------



## lisa_nc

Marlne,

Recruiting sucks, but don't let them play the mind games with you. Just put your head down and shoulder through. I swear to you, the duty ends and you go on with your lives. If you need to, you can PM me to talk. My husband is also a Marine and he came off RD almost two years ago. It was the hardest three years of our marriage, but we did it and you can too.


----------



## Soul-O

Does anyone have family members enrolled in EFMP? I'm actually considering it for myself because I have been diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder characterized by extreme angioedema (swelling) in my airways when exposed to any number of allergens, and my MDs have not yet determined all of what causes the reactions or how to treat me. At this point, my allergist has recommended that I reside no more than a 5 minute drive from the nearest ER so that I can be treated quickly in the event of an airway obstruction. My DH thinks we should enroll in EFMP for now so that we can request priority housing assignments on post to be close to the MTF and also have extra assistance with our kids if he is deployed and I am hospitalized with a flare up.

Anyone with EFMP experience - please share the good and bad.

Thanks?


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
I'd go back knowing it's temporary and if I could stay there for the next year, that would get me through the next few years of wherever we end up next, you know? I just need to go home for a little while.

I moved here when DH got stationed overseas for 9 months - he then got stationed here in Hawaii. We got BAH from the last place we lived and we paid out of pocket for my/DD flights. That being said there is an awesome AP group on island that has playdates, etc. and can create a great community and is about 1/3 to 1/2 military Mamas.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Someone tell me that they can arrange an emergency flight to get him here ASAP if I call him while I'm in labor????

They might let him go but the $$$ to fly home will be out of your family pocket so it might be good to save towards that. Also, you might look into having a free doula since you are military and your spouse will be deployed in case your labor is fast and he can't get home in time.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 

Anyone with EFMP experience - please share the good and bad.

Thanks?

I know it can do good things for you but can be "bad" for your husband's career future. That being said your condition sounds like it really needs EFMP and I would do it in your situation.


----------



## marlne

Lisa_nc~ Thank you so much! I may just take you up on that pm one of these days.lol We definately have ups and downs but the sad thing is that those ups probably wouldn't really be considered "ups" on most other duties.lol We take them though!








I still think a second car would be key..









Soul-O~ I'm EFMP due to having asthma and have been put in Category 2. So far nothing about it has been really negative. As for a positive, it helps with housing problems that are air related. I couldn't be put in a house with a window a/c unit when we were in Hawaii. We tried it at first but I was having too many asthma issues.

Also, if there is a problem with things in a house that aggravate my asthma, I mention being EFMP and they come out asap instead of taking days like for some other people.


----------



## Valrock

Hey everyone! Mind if I join in?

My DH is in the Navy We're stationed at Patuxent River Maryland. We've been here for 3 years and were in Hawaii for nearly 4 years before that. I'm hopelessly homesick for my island home.

DH is being deployed this summer as an Individual Augmentee. We're not sure where yet but it looks like Guantanamo Bay. I'm okay with that. Much better than being forward combat deployed!

If you ever get a chance to come to Pax, don't take it!! That's all I'm gonna say







.

Happy to be on MDC, though!


----------



## Alohamelly

Well I don't think I'm going to go home for my DH's deployment. I don't mind paying out of pocket for everything, but I need at least Hawaii BAH rate to make it worth it financially and since I can't get it, it'll be too much of a strain.









My daughter and I are both EFMP and so far, we haven't gotten anything out of it. Although my DH thinks that's why we got Ft. Lewis - we're near a lot of medical facilities and such.


----------



## boobyjuicex3

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Valrock* 
Hey everyone! Mind if I join in?

My DH is in the Navy We're stationed at Patuxent River Maryland. We've been here for 3 years and were in Hawaii for nearly 4 years before that. I'm hopelessly homesick for my island home.

DH is being deployed this summer as an Individual Augmentee. We're not sure where yet but it looks like Guantanamo Bay. I'm okay with that. Much better than being forward combat deployed!

If you ever get a chance to come to Pax, don't take it!! That's all I'm gonna say







.

Happy to be on MDC, though!

Welcome! I am stationed at Bolling. My playgroup is in St Mary's Co. I will pm you later. I just wanted to say HI


----------



## marimara

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boobyjuicex3* 
Welcome! I am stationed at Bolling. My playgroup is in St Mary's Co. I will pm you later. I just wanted to say HI

Hi I just wanted to say that that area is lovely, I moved from there (Hollywood, St Mary's County) to Valdosta GA and sure do miss it up there!


----------



## boobyjuicex3

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblingstar* 
Hi I just wanted to say that that area is lovely, I moved from there (Hollywood, St Mary's County) to Valdosta GA and sure do miss it up there!

We meet in Hollywood more often than not







I have no complaints about the area. Its a nice drive to Kings Dominion, Washington DC, and Baltimore. We have been here almost a year and I am finally getting to "know" the area without GPS


----------



## CTH3989

Hi ladies! I've posted a few times in this thread. My name is Chelci, I'm 19, I am married to a Marine named Anthony. We have 2 children together, Elijah who is 2 years old and Alexandria who will be 7 months old tomorrow. Currently we are stationed in Hawaii.


----------



## ~Katie~

Welcome to a new month, ladies! And welcome to any new gals I missed!


----------



## ~Katie~

New thread


----------



## MangoMommy

Aloha!! Thanks for starting the new thread!


----------



## Alohamelly




----------



## Soul-O

My DH graduates from MIBOLC (phase three of officer training) this month, and I am pretty darned tired of his being gone right now. The kids have certainly had enough of me as solo parent as well. I know all of you can relate







. We're moving up to Ft. Lewis around April 1, so I'm very excited about getting settled in our new community, and having DH for a cook again







:!

What's happening in Mar/Apr for all of you?


----------



## Mommyofalmost6

Hi ladies







I know I didnt post much in the other thread, I tend to be on the shy side. We got a look at the hubsters new station yesterday. We have new orders for June/July. We will have to PCS not long after the baby is born. I am a bit frazzled over the whole thing.


----------



## lisa_nc

Hola, mamas! Still chuggin' through this darned deployment.


----------



## marlne

Hello!








We're still stuck here on Recruiting duty.. Will be for two and a half more years.lol


----------



## dirtyhipegirl

Hey ladies

it is finally getting warm enough here in Italy for us to go exploring. I can't wait to get out and see everything. We have been cooped up in the house for months. My dh was in Korea all year last year and it sucked so I am feeling so blessed and lucky to be here. We are getting ready to celebrate our 6th anniversary. We are going to Florence to see Bob Dylan, my favorite. I can't wait







:


----------



## kirstenb

Hello all!

We just finished up a month of leave. DH picks up a new recruit class on Friday so he is back to work today. Once Friday comes he will be back to working crazy hours so we won't be seeing him much until June.


----------



## Shy0717

Hi all!! DF and I are looking forward to getting married and becoming parents early this summer. I'm learning so much about the Army and can honestly say I'm at a loss with all the abbreviations lol. We're currently living apart (except for the weekends) since he's stationed in OK and I'm in TX. I am curious though to get some opinions from some of you mamas. If you had to reccommend insurance do you think the Tricare standard or prime is better??? Thanks mamas







.


----------



## Rowansmama

Hi all!

I'm very new to the boards and just found this group. My DH is in the Canadian army. He's on a course right now and we'll be finding out where we're going to be posted in June very soon! I'm looking forward to being settled after a rough few years (deployment to afghanistan, many moves, etc). Just wanted to say hello!


----------



## lisa_nc

Shy, I would go with Prime unless you end up needing to go to Standard because you have issues with something.


----------



## Shy0717

Thanks Lisa!! I knew there was one I'd heard everyone talking good things about but wasn't sure which one it was.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisa_nc* 
Shy, I would go with Prime unless you end up needing to go to Standard because you have issues with something.

ITA Shy. Prime covers everything 100%. Definitely look into http://www.tricare.mil/mybenefit/index.jsp for more information.


----------



## Maluhia

I love Standard.... Prime annoys me to no end.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 
I love Standard.... Prime annoys me to no end.

I think it depends upon the situation, and I could understand why you would say that!

Prime is more like a traditional HMO - everything is covered 100%, but very "managed care", so if you want anything out of the ordinary (i.e. acupuncture, chiro, naturopath etc.) and/or want to choose your providers and self-refer, forget it. However, for my family, because there are so many of us, and because I have some health issues for which I need traditional medicine, I've been very happy with Prime. When we were a civilian family with "good" group medical coverage through our corporate employers, we paid at least $5,000 per year in premiums, co-pays, and deductibles. With Prime, we have paid a total of approx. $60 (for formulary meds not carried in the MTFs) in the past 3 years, and I've had some serious expenditures (i.e. CT scans, MRIs, ambulance trips, expensive meds, 5 day NICU stay for my youngest DS etc.), so without Prime, we'd be out some serious $$, although Standard would still cover more than a traditional PPO group plan through an employer.


----------



## lisa_nc

I think Prime's a good starting point while you figure out how the system works. I'd rather be figuring out for free than with a copay.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisa_nc* 
I think Prime's a good starting point while you figure out how the system works. I'd rather be figuring out for free than with a copay.









That's a good way to put it. Start out with Prime, then feel your way into something else if you need to.


----------



## Alohamelly

We're on Prime and I get to choose our doctors as long as they accept Tricare so I wouldn't go with Standard. I was going to go with Standard until I found out that I could choose the pedi my kids see and I'm very happy with everything!


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
We're on Prime and I get to choose our doctors as long as they accept Tricare so I wouldn't go with Standard. I was going to go with Standard until I found out that I could choose the pedi my kids see and I'm very happy with everything!

Melly: Do you have a recommendation for a Ft. Lewis area Ped and/or Family Practice MD? Hopefully delayed vax friendly, although that's probably asking too much in the Army







.

Thanks!


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Melly: Do you have a recommendation for a Ft. Lewis area Ped and/or Family Practice MD? Hopefully delayed vax friendly, although that's probably asking too much in the Army







.

Thanks!

Yes! This is where we go: http://www.fircreekpediatrics.com/ We see a Nurse Practitioner, but she's really great.

I had to go to Madigan and sign a paper saying we were going off-post for our care but it was very easy.


----------



## beachgirl

I just tried to post this and somehow lost my message! If anyone knows whether I should post this in a different thread, please let me know!

I am trying to be released from the MTF that I was automatically assigned to for my maternity care. It is far from my house and my husband is deployed to Iraq for the entire year (the pregnancy was a surprise). My support network lives an hour in the opposite direction from the MTF, so I really don't want to have to be seen there for my prenatal care.

I am on Tricare Prime, which of course complicates the situation, and would prefer not to switch.

Does anyone have experience being released from a MTF for maternity care while staying on tricare prime? I was told to write a letter to the head OB and am trying to draft it right now. Does anyone have letters or bits of letters they might be able to send my way to give me some ideas? I will state the case as plainly as possible and in my mind it is very convincing, but I'm not sure how formal to make it, any procedural-related points I should mention, etc.( for instance, I mentioned that if complications should arise for some reason, I don't want to have to drive 45 mins to an hour several times a week to the MTF) - things like that.

Any help or advice would be most appreciated! Thank you.


----------



## Shy0717

Thanks for the replies everyone!! They helped tremendously as did that website (thanks Soul-o). I think Prime is what we'll go with and then we'll just figure out as we go if that will work.


----------



## lisa_nc

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beachgirl* 
I just tried to post this and somehow lost my message! If anyone knows whether I should post this in a different thread, please let me know!

I am trying to be released from the MTF that I was automatically assigned to for my maternity care. It is far from my house and my husband is deployed to Iraq for the entire year (the pregnancy was a surprise). My support network lives an hour in the opposite direction from the MTF, so I really don't want to have to be seen there for my prenatal care.

I am on Tricare Prime, which of course complicates the situation, and would prefer not to switch.

Does anyone have experience being released from a MTF for maternity care while staying on tricare prime? I was told to write a letter to the head OB and am trying to draft it right now. Does anyone have letters or bits of letters they might be able to send my way to give me some ideas? I will state the case as plainly as possible and in my mind it is very convincing, but I'm not sure how formal to make it, any procedural-related points I should mention, etc.( for instance, I mentioned that if complications should arise for some reason, I don't want to have to drive 45 mins to an hour several times a week to the MTF) - things like that.

Any help or advice would be most appreciated! Thank you.


I just called tricare and complained. Then I told them that I precip and asked them if they wanted me to have a baby in the car just so they could save money.







They switched me over. I was in an area where 45 minutes meant 2 or 3 hours if there was traffic though, and since it was DC there WAS traffic. If they won't do it, you may just have to suck it up (I don't mean that in a mean way) and go standard.


----------



## AFWife

Wow, March already?


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beachgirl* 
I just tried to post this and somehow lost my message! If anyone knows whether I should post this in a different thread, please let me know!

I am trying to be released from the MTF that I was automatically assigned to for my maternity care. It is far from my house and my husband is deployed to Iraq for the entire year (the pregnancy was a surprise). My support network lives an hour in the opposite direction from the MTF, so I really don't want to have to be seen there for my prenatal care.

I am on Tricare Prime, which of course complicates the situation, and would prefer not to switch.

Does anyone have experience being released from a MTF for maternity care while staying on tricare prime? I was told to write a letter to the head OB and am trying to draft it right now. Does anyone have letters or bits of letters they might be able to send my way to give me some ideas? I will state the case as plainly as possible and in my mind it is very convincing, but I'm not sure how formal to make it, any procedural-related points I should mention, etc.( for instance, I mentioned that if complications should arise for some reason, I don't want to have to drive 45 mins to an hour several times a week to the MTF) - things like that.

Any help or advice would be most appreciated! Thank you.

I'm currently living more than 40 miles from the nearest MTF, so I was automatically enrolled in Tricare Prime Remote based on my address of record. Triwest allowed me to take care of it all through the website, and now I just see the civilian providers I choose. You might try circumventing the whole letter writing process and getting yourself enrolled in Prime Remote. PM me if you have any questions.


----------



## beachgirl

Thank you so much for your replies! Soul-O, I am not over the 50 mile limit (although it takes me anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour to get to the base) so I don't think that would work.

And lisa_nc, what's weird is that I did call tricare to complain and they said that they had NO power once the MTF picked up my maternity care - that I would HAVE to be released by Naval hospital and no one else could do that. It sounded weird to me, and especially now that you're saying that tricare switched you. How did that work? Did someone at tricare lie to me by telling me that only the MTF could release me once I had been assigned there?

Thanks again for your help...


----------



## beachgirl

Or 40 mile limit, I mean.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beachgirl* 
Thank you so much for your replies! Soul-O, I am not over the 50 mile limit (although it takes me anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour to get to the base) so I don't think that would work.

And lisa_nc, what's weird is that I did call tricare to complain and they said that they had NO power once the MTF picked up my maternity care - that I would HAVE to be released by Naval hospital and no one else could do that. It sounded weird to me, and especially now that you're saying that tricare switched you. How did that work? Did someone at tricare lie to me by telling me that only the MTF could release me once I had been assigned there?

Thanks again for your help...

Oh gosh, that stinks... I would try calling Tricare again, and let them know that although you are not outside 40 miles, it does take you longer than one hour, with traffic, to get to the MTF, and you need to be released to seek civilian care. However, I do think you may still need to sign a form at the MTF stating that you are seeking care in the community. I don't think you can be forced to stay with the MTF as long as there is a civilian provider closer to your home that accepts Tricare Prime. Call them back, and speak with a supervisor if you need to.

Good luck







!


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Yes! This is where we go: http://www.fircreekpediatrics.com/ We see a Nurse Practitioner, but she's really great.

I had to go to Madigan and sign a paper saying we were going off-post for our care but it was very easy.

Thanks! Is it difficult to get appointments at Madigan? I had a difficult time getting appts at Martin (Ft. Benning), and was very disappointed with their Peds dept., so I'm happy to know that I can seek care off post without a hassle.


----------



## AFWife

General Question to all Military Moms:

What issues have you run into with military docs due to crunchy ways?


----------



## lisa_nc

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beachgirl* 
Thank you so much for your replies! Soul-O, I am not over the 50 mile limit (although it takes me anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour to get to the base) so I don't think that would work.

And lisa_nc, what's weird is that I did call tricare to complain and they said that they had NO power once the MTF picked up my maternity care - that I would HAVE to be released by Naval hospital and no one else could do that. It sounded weird to me, and especially now that you're saying that tricare switched you. How did that work? Did someone at tricare lie to me by telling me that only the MTF could release me once I had been assigned there?

Thanks again for your help...


They might not. I never actually started care. When I called Tricare to tell them I was pregnant and had confirmed with my PCM, they told me they were sending me to the MTF. I told them what I outlined above at that time. It should be as simple as getting a referral in the computer system though. When I got referred out to civilian care for another pregnancy, it was simply a matter of them writing a referral and sending it off to tricare. You may have to just keep doing what you are doing with the head of OB. I think different MTFs have different policies for release. If worse comes to worse, you can just go to standard and pay a little out of pocket.


----------



## lisa_nc

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
General Question to all Military Moms:

What issues have you run into with military docs due to crunchy ways?


LOL, don't get me started. I don't have enough hours in the day.


----------



## AFWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisa_nc* 
LOL, don't get me started. I don't have enough hours in the day.

LOL

If you ever feel like summing it up I'm all ears. I'd like to go in prepared.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
General Question to all Military Moms:

What issues have you run into with military docs due to crunchy ways?

Strangely enough, I've actually had the most success with the young ones, i.e. the O-3 (CPTs, LTs etc.) residents because they seemed to respect that I had done research on pregnancy and well infant/child care and could speak intelligently on the subjects. I hate to say it, but it didn't hurt that my DH is now an officer, so we were automatically afforded a bit more respect from the uniformed staff (even when he was still technically enlisted but wearing an OCS rank). No one ever questioned me on breastfeeding or co-sleeping (and in fact most were very supportive of extended nursing), but vax is another subject altogether. It has not been my experience that any military docs were open to no vax, but I did find one that was semi-crunchy and open to a delayed schedule for us because we had an adverse reaction with DS #1. They do tend to be a bit med-happy, but not so much so with kids. I don't think we've had any antibiotics prescribed by military docs for the kids, and they've had a few ailments that could have gone that way.

In general, I would suggest asking around to see which MDs are most popular and why (i.e. good bedside manner, responsive to your concerns, non-interventive etc.), and go from there in choosing a doctor for your family.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
General Question to all Military Moms:

What issues have you run into with military docs due to crunchy ways?

well, let's see, at my ds's last WBV (6mns) I was told to feed him more solids, not to comfort nurse him because he's in the 97% and doesn't need the calories, and to let him watch TV to stimulate and entertain him.


----------



## marlne

I haven't had any real problems except with some disagreement regarding vaxes. It always turned into banter though. Oh wait, I did have issues of them "forgetting" that my son was a preemie.
I got lucky with getting to pick my doctors. If there was one I knew we wouldn't get along with, I'd go and switch. I finally found one doc who was a little more open.
I tend to be one to tell _them_ how it is in my family and _so far_ it hasn't gotten me into trouble.lol

Editing to add in that now (recently) that we're away from any military docs, I feel a little spoiled and may not to want to go back to military docs again.lol


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Thanks! Is it difficult to get appointments at Madigan? I had a difficult time getting appts at Martin (Ft. Benning), and was very disappointed with their Peds dept., so I'm happy to know that I can seek care off post without a hassle.

I don't know. When we were at Bragg, it was extremely difficult to get appointments at Womack, so this time I decided to find my own pedi for the kids and I haven't even tried Madigan. I'm currently in the midwife program at Madigan and it's been fine. I haven't had any issues with getting appointments and if I have an issue, I can just walk in and see a nurse.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
General Question to all Military Moms:

What issues have you run into with military docs due to crunchy ways?

I haven't run into many issues, surprisingly. No one has ever given me a hard time about not vax'ing. I've been pretty lucky I think!


----------



## kirstenb

Thankfully I haven't had any problems yet when I take in DS- he see a nurse practitioner and she's pretty cool. She told me don't bother buying baby food when he's ready to eat, just give him some soft chunks of veggies. She also doesn't ask about things that aren't her business (does he sleep through the night, where does he sleep. etc). I don't know about vaxing though- he was faxed through 12 months and I didn't bother taking him to his 15 and 18 month WBV. We have gone in for other times though and she never said anything so we'll see when he turns two.


----------



## Mommyofalmost6

Hmm I havent had to many issues with the peds at the MTF that we go to. I have come across one person in the pediatrics that I dont like so I dont let them make appts with her. Maternity care same thing. I pretty much tell them how it is in our family and if they try and challenge me on it, I dont back down.

I am 12miles from the MTF but it can take over an hour to get to it depending on time of day. Have to LOVE DC traffic lol.


----------



## ~Katie~

So I started a new thread and forgot to subscribe to it









Military docs - We don't see them. DS has always seen doctors off post, I'm actually looking for a new one right now. That way I just avoid any issues entirely.

Speaking of docs. How is it going to work with the new baby? I've heard that we're required to bring the new baby to docs on post, but we have Tricare prime. I plan on just taking the baby to the doctor that DS sees, but I wasn't sure how that worked with Tricare. I may just end up paying out of pocket anyway if we decide to go with a naturopath.

Oh and I figured I would update about our deployment situation. We have heard that DH will get to stay for the birth and for two week after, but its still not 100% yet. I just wish somebody would make up their mind about it. He has been super busy with training and we just spent a week in Florida while he had a class there. He has been a bear with all the stress from it though, I know its to be expected but it still stinks.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
So I started a new thread and forgot to subscribe to it









Military docs - We don't see them. DS has always seen doctors off post, I'm actually looking for a new one right now. That way I just avoid any issues entirely.

Speaking of docs. How is it going to work with the new baby? I've heard that we're required to bring the new baby to docs on post, but we have Tricare prime. I plan on just taking the baby to the doctor that DS sees, but I wasn't sure how that worked with Tricare. I may just end up paying out of pocket anyway if we decide to go with a naturopath.

Oh and I figured I would update about our deployment situation. We have heard that DH will get to stay for the birth and for two week after, but its still not 100% yet. I just wish somebody would make up their mind about it. He has been super busy with training and we just spent a week in Florida while he had a class there. He has been a bear with all the stress from it though, I know its to be expected but it still stinks.

AFAIK, once you add the new baby into DEERS, he/she is automatically added onto your ins. plan, and then you can change the provider assigned to the one you use for your son.

I hope everything works out so that your DH can be present at the birth (and after!). It will be far less stressful for both of you if he can stick around for a bit, kwim? I'll be keeping positive thoughts for you.


----------



## ~Katie~

Thanks for the info, Tabitha!

Its really not looking so good for DH being here now. He talked to the commander today. The words "key position" were used and the fact that this is our second baby and I'm having a normal pregnancy were also discussed, and the fact that he was here for our first child's birth. Apparently that makes this baby less valuable to us as a family and therefore not necessary for him to be here to witness the birth and first few weeks together. I can't say I'm surprised, but a few choice words come to mind about it. I'm just so tired of the up and down, at least tell me for sure he's not going to be here so I can feel like crap about it and then plan for it, ya know?


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Thanks for the info, Tabitha!

Its really not looking so good for DH being here now. He talked to the commander today. The words "key position" were used and the fact that this is our second baby and I'm having a normal pregnancy were also discussed, and the fact that he was here for our first child's birth. Apparently that makes this baby less valuable to us as a family and therefore not necessary for him to be here to witness the birth and first few weeks together. I can't say I'm surprised, but a few choice words come to mind about it. I'm just so tired of the up and down, at least tell me for sure he's not going to be here so I can feel like crap about it and then plan for it, ya know?











There are some very insensitive, non-family friendly people out there in the military, no matter what type of "Family First" lip service they try to pass off. Are you in touch with your FRG at all? They should definitely be ready to take care of you and your little ones after the birth. I had a similar situation (although less dire) after the birth of DS #4, and our FRG was very helpful in getting me some respite care, extra meals, etc. when my DH was away at OCS and I was alone with a sick (i.e. fresh out of the NICU) newborn and down with a severe case of mastitis myself.

It would definitely be better to know if your DH can be present so that you can be at peace with whatever comes your way. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 









There are some very insensitive, non-family friendly people out there in the military, no matter what type of "Family First" lip service they try to pass off. Are you in touch with your FRG at all? They should definitely be ready to take care of you and your little ones after the birth. I had a similar situation (although less dire) after the birth of DS #4, and our FRG was very helpful in getting me some respite care, extra meals, etc. when my DH was away at OCS and I was alone with a sick (i.e. fresh out of the NICU) newborn and down with a severe case of mastitis myself.

It would definitely be better to know if your DH can be present so that you can be at peace with whatever comes your way. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

I am in touch with our FRG, there are quite a few women due at the time of this deployment besides me as well. I've already been in touch with a postpartum doula and plan to have her for several weeks after the baby is born to help out. My IL's are coming at some point to help also, though I don't know how much help they'll be. Its more the emotional side of it for us now, this whole deployment pretty much blindsided us after we TTC and were successful. We were expecting him to be here until November. We're trying to be happy about this new baby and I just feel really bitter about the whole situation, this deployment has sucked the joy out of it. I'm trying to put on my "make the best of it" hat but really I just want to yell and scream at somebody.


----------



## lisa_nc

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Thanks for the info, Tabitha!

Its really not looking so good for DH being here now. He talked to the commander today. The words "key position" were used and the fact that this is our second baby and I'm having a normal pregnancy were also discussed, and the fact that he was here for our first child's birth. Apparently that makes this baby less valuable to us as a family and therefore not necessary for him to be here to witness the birth and first few weeks together. I can't say I'm surprised, but a few choice words come to mind about it. I'm just so tired of the up and down, at least tell me for sure he's not going to be here so I can feel like crap about it and then plan for it, ya know?

I just want to tell you that you can do it!! Plan for him not to be there, and then you can be pleasantly surprised if he is. My husband missed our daughter's birth, he never got to see our son that passed away in October outside of pictures (second trimester loss--he was TAD), and he'll miss this baby as well. He'll have R&R about three weeks after I suspect the baby will get here, so that will be nice but he won't be home home until babe is four months old (at least). It's hard, but you know, YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK! This is not an easy life, but I have faith in you, mama!


----------



## Aka mommy

NM i researched on here and saw i need to have a CNM to get a homebirth covered.


----------



## brown8075

My husband and I have been married about 5 years. He recently just came back from Iraq. We are stationed in WA state, however I came to TN (where my parents live) when he was in Iraq, we are now back in WA. We have always had a pretty rocky marriage. Recently we have decided to get a a divorce. It may get ugly because recently he said if we stay in this marriage the way it has been going he could end up harming me???? So, I don't know whether to take that as a threat or a warning and either way I want to end it. Wondering if I should use a civilian or military lawyer? his father is an ex marine but has a good friend that is a 3 star general and I don't want them to try manipulate the situation for their favor due to the pull they may or may not have. Any suggestions??


----------



## Mommyofalmost6

Are there any other military moms in the washington DC area on this thread? Just wondering...

I have to go spend a few hours at the Naval hospital tomorrow. Blood work for pregnancy stuff and maybe lunch with the husband. I refused the glucose test but did say I would do a semi fasting draw then one 2 hours after I ate. I can comprimise kind of lol.

Any other Navy wives on here? Thoughts on the new uniforms?

KatieD *hugs* it will all be ok in the end... no matter what happens, it will be ok!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Thank you, I really appreciate that.

I am in touch with our FRG, there are quite a few women due at the time of this deployment besides me as well. I've already been in touch with a postpartum doula and plan to have her for several weeks after the baby is born to help out. My IL's are coming at some point to help also, though I don't know how much help they'll be. Its more the emotional side of it for us now, this whole deployment pretty much blindsided us after we TTC and were successful. We were expecting him to be here until November. We're trying to be happy about this new baby and I just feel really bitter about the whole situation, this deployment has sucked the joy out of it. I'm trying to put on my "make the best of it" hat but really I just want to yell and scream at somebody.









I'm so sorry your family is going through all this b.s. right now. While there are about a million pregnant women at Ft Bragg right now, that doesn't make your pregnancy and new babe any less special or important!







: I hate the way the military strings people along, telling them one thing, then changing their minds before making a decision.







: It's a nightmare trying to make any sort of plans about the future when you have to live like that. I'm sorry you're feeling bitter when you should be getting excited about your new arrival. I can understand though, I had a lot of bitterness and sadness happening in my life this time last year when I was pregnant with ds and dh had just deployed. He ended up coming home early though when he found out he wasn't supposed to have gone in the first place.


----------



## mom2mializ

Hi ladies! I kinda feel like I'm crashing here - I've introduced myself before (months ago), but don't spend much time on mothering, so I haven't been around. But I've got a question I was hoping one of you might be able to answer. dh has orders to head to germany, and our kids are "behind" on their vax. our loosing base has suggested that this might be an issue (haven't heard yet from gaining).

we REALLY have our hearts set on germany, and I'm sure that there are other non-vaxers over there, so i'm wondering if any of you have experience with this or know someone who does? thanks so much!!!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2mializ* 
Hi ladies! I kinda feel like I'm crashing here - I've introduced myself before (months ago), but don't spend much time on mothering, so I haven't been around. But I've got a question I was hoping one of you might be able to answer. dh has orders to head to germany, and our kids are "behind" on their vax. our loosing base has suggested that this might be an issue (haven't heard yet from gaining).

we REALLY have our hearts set on germany, and I'm sure that there are other non-vaxers over there, so i'm wondering if any of you have experience with this or know someone who does? thanks so much!!!

As far as I know their non-vax status is not an issue. They won't be inspecting vaccination records, and they can't legally force you to vaccinate your children. While I don't know anyone personally stationed in Germany, I do have American friends who live there and their children are unvaccinated without issue.


----------



## Kassyaf13

My son is going through this thing where he screeches like a banshee for no reason and he is driving me crazy with it. He has recently learned to roll on to his stomach but now he won't roll to his back, even though he know how to do it, and that makes him scream too. Please tell me if there is anything I can do or at least tell me if this is a phase that he will snap out of? I miss by happy baby boy.


----------



## dirtyhipegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2mializ* 
Hi ladies! I kinda feel like I'm crashing here - I've introduced myself before (months ago), but don't spend much time on mothering, so I haven't been around. But I've got a question I was hoping one of you might be able to answer. dh has orders to head to germany, and our kids are "behind" on their vax. our loosing base has suggested that this might be an issue (haven't heard yet from gaining).

we REALLY have our hearts set on germany, and I'm sure that there are other non-vaxers over there, so i'm wondering if any of you have experience with this or know someone who does? thanks so much!!!

I know here in Italy we have not had an issue with it, With the schools, all you need is a waiver. I know the CDC will NOT accept kids without updated vaxs. When we were coming here no one ever looked at my dd's shot records, so we had no problems. Good luck.


----------



## marlne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2mializ* 
Hi ladies! I kinda feel like I'm crashing here - I've introduced myself before (months ago), but don't spend much time on mothering, so I haven't been around. But I've got a question I was hoping one of you might be able to answer. dh has orders to head to germany, and our kids are "behind" on their vax. our loosing base has suggested that this might be an issue (haven't heard yet from gaining).

we REALLY have our hearts set on germany, and I'm sure that there are other non-vaxers over there, so i'm wondering if any of you have experience with this or know someone who does? thanks so much!!!

It seems so far that some can get by with the vax records not being looked at and yet some may not get by so easily..
I've been sticking with a thread in the Vaccinations forum called "Vaccinations and Military PCS??". If you're interested in seeing what some others are going through, you should be able to find it around page 4 now.


----------



## ChichosMama

UGHHHHHHHHHH

Why does the military FAIL at putting the back BAH AND CURRENT on SO's checks!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!
The military should be glad they dont have to deal with me. eff that. This is p*ssing me off.


----------



## twosweetgirls

Hi ladies! I just wanted to introduce myself! I'm not sure if this is the right place or if there are other threads to introduce in, so I'm sorry if it's the wrong place! I have two girls 11mos and 4, I am a Navy wife and also an Army Reserve Soldier (for a few more months), I am really excited to complete my 8 years and get to be a Navy Wife! We are stationed in OK, for 3 more years at least (we are hoping for more).


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommyofalmost6* 
Any other Navy wives on here? Thoughts on the new uniforms?

I think they are ugly and stupid. Do we want to blend in with....the water? if they fall in? huh?
I heard at a party with Adm.s that the MPCON and CNO did not want them but when they went around asking people if they liked them in the testing phase people were super polite (thanks to rank) and would not say anything bad so they could not nix them as they had hoped to be able to do.
Getting rid of washed khaki is going to be a big old bummer and honestly I think the digital cammo in any color is odd, but blue takes the dumbarse cake.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
I hate the way the military strings people along, telling them one thing, then changing their minds before making a decision.







: It's a nightmare trying to make any sort of plans about the future when you have to live like that.

Sadly enough I hear similar quotes from friends with civilian husbands. I think we always assume that those living outside have so much more freedom to do what they want but often the hours are as bad if not worse for less money and business travel is a lot more expensive to the individual. I get that our husbands go into danger, but otherwise I don't think I'd trade military life and the bureaucracy here for bureaucracy out in the civilian world that seems just as bad.

Out here life goes along.....our Charity Auction is this weekend so I'm trying to stay busy with that and prepare for house guests. Got to love being stationed in Hawaii - my house is a freaking vacation destination


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 
I think we always assume that those living outside have so much more freedom to do what they want but often the hours are as bad if not worse for less money and business travel is a lot more expensive to the individual. I get that our husbands go into danger, but otherwise I don't think I'd trade military life and the bureaucracy here for bureaucracy out in the civilian world that seems just as bad.

Amen Sista! Having been on the civilian side of things, I would definitely choose the Army any day. My DH gave up a corporate career to go Active Duty, and we've never been happier. Sad fact is, given the tax breaks, free medical, and commissary benefits, we actually do better financially with my DH as O-1E and me as a SAHM than we did with two full time WOH careers.


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## phrogger

Hope you guys don't mind, I saw this and figured I would say hi. I guess I can say I am a SAHM now again of 3 boys and 1 on the way. I am actually out on disability, but by the time this one is born, it will be summer and I work for the school district so I wont be working for a while.

Anyway, my DH is in the Navy, on shore duty right now in Central CA, but he is up for orders soon to go back to sea. We aren't sure where we will end up (hoping to stay here).

This is my first time having a baby with all the military life stuff so this is a new experience. Last deployment DH was on, we weren't married yet and my two boys and I had just moved up to where DH was stationed so I could help him with his son. I have only really dealt with military hospitals etc. with my step son so I might have lots of questions for this new little one.


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## katheek77

Waiting on the E-7 list...I compulsively check the website....Anyone else waiting?

Supposedly, they're keeping it close to the chest this year, so, there may not be an "unofficial" list much sooner than the official...which seems to be the way it's going, since last year's officially came out on 20 Mar, but the advance was out a couple weeks before that....

Myeah. I hate waiting.


----------



## phrogger

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
Waiting on the E-7 list...I compulsively check the website....Anyone else waiting?

Supposedly, they're keeping it close to the chest this year, so, there may not be an "unofficial" list much sooner than the official...which seems to be the way it's going, since last year's officially came out on 20 Mar, but the advance was out a couple weeks before that....

Myeah. I hate waiting.

For which branch? I know the Navy's chiefs board list should be out soon (we are getting calls daily from people asking DH if itis out yet) but then they still have to wait till after the boards in July/August.







DH was supposed to be on the boards this year, but with me being pg and due in June, he lagged a bit to confirm he was interested and I guess they picked someone else.

i will say, that wait 2 years ago was pure he!!. Once he finally got the news that he made board it was even more nerve raking to wait to see if he made chief.


----------



## katheek77

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phrogger* 
For which branch? I know the Navy's chiefs board list should be out soon (we are getting calls daily from people asking DH if itis out yet) but then they still have to wait till after the boards in July/August.







DH was supposed to be on the boards this year, but with me being pg and due in June, he lagged a bit to confirm he was interested and I guess they picked someone else.

i will say, that wait 2 years ago was pure he!!. Once he finally got the news that he made board it was even more nerve raking to wait to see if he made chief.


Army. It's the first time he's in primary zone, so....we weren't really expecting anything last year (he was *barely* in secondary zone then...which I guess means he's *barely* in primary now, but, he hates recruting so much he's decided if he doesn't make it this year, he's done when his term is up).


----------



## ~Katie~

*


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Quick question for those of you who have broken a lease due to deployment:

When you signed the paperwork in order to break your lease, did you have to give an exact date to your landlord for the deployment and were only allowed to break the lease starting that day? Or were you able to break the lease in advance based on when you knew deployments were going to start happening?

We're still paying rent on a house we moved into when we first got here, we moved on post once a house became available to us. We rent through a management company who handles everything for the landlord, and we already gave them the form for breaking our lease and it was accepted. Tonight, the landlord called saying that we could not break the lease until we gave him an exact date and the lease would not end until the day DH actually left. We still haven't been given an exact date, but we know deployments are happening between mid-april to early may. We've already paid for March, so we gave them our 30 days notice at the time we broke the lease and it was not disputed. Does this sound right to you?

ETA* DH was given a memorandum in place of orders giving a specific date so that we could get out of our lease.

I would think that 30 days notice is sufficient. Your JAG office staffers should be able to assist you, as I'm certain that they deal with this type of issue frequently. Given national security issues and all, I don't think you would be required to tell the landlord exactly when your DH is leaving (at least according to my DH - he's MI also).

HTH!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I would think that 30 days notice is sufficient. Your JAG office staffers should be able to assist you, as I'm certain that they deal with this type of issue frequently. Given national security issues and all, I don't think you would be required to tell the landlord exactly when your DH is leaving (at least according to my DH - he's MI also).

HTH!

He's going to head over there tomorrow and find out for sure. It definitely didn't sound right to me considering that the management company did not dispute it and we had all of the necessary paperwork in order to end the lease. The landlord is also in the military but he is stationed in Singapore right now. He claimed that we didn't give him enough time to get the house on the market, but the house has already been up for rent since December and I think he's just unhappy that there aren't any new renters yet so he doesn't want to lose out on a month's rent. Thanks for the info!


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## jjm91785

Well, I just posted my life story [lol] in another tribe thread so instead of spamming up the forum I'll just link to it:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...005708&page=16

Husband is a full time soldier in the Army National Guard, deploying later this year.


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## MangoMommy

I'm so excited! DH made board (navy)...now the wait begins to see if he gets selected to be chief! (E7)


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Quick question for those of you who have broken a lease due to deployment:

When you signed the paperwork in order to break your lease, did you have to give an exact date to your landlord for the deployment and were only allowed to break the lease starting that day? Or were you able to break the lease in advance based on when you knew deployments were going to start happening?

We're still paying rent on a house we moved into when we first got here, we moved on post once a house became available to us. We rent through a management company who handles everything for the landlord, and we already gave them the form for breaking our lease and it was accepted. Tonight, the landlord called saying that we could not break the lease until we gave him an exact date and the lease would not end until the day DH actually left. We still haven't been given an exact date, but we know deployments are happening between mid-april to early may. We've already paid for March, so we gave them our 30 days notice at the time we broke the lease and it was not disputed. Does this sound right to you?

ETA* DH was given a memorandum in place of orders giving a specific date so that we could get out of our lease.

Every rental place is going to be different, but we got out of a lease to move on post just by telling them DH was deploying. The only thing we lost was our security deposit. I guess they were used to it being in a military community.


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## Soul-O

Has anyone looked into the housing or been housed at McChord AFB? I ask because I've been informed that we are likely to be placed there instead of Ft. Lewis so as to avoid being on a wait list (I'm being recommended for EFMP and need to be close to the MTF). From what DH was told, the housing is older; however, if we decide to use the public schools in the area, the one at McChord has the highest test scores and best reputation, so this would be our best bet for on post public schools. I'm just wondering if I should hold out for Lewis or take the McChord housing.

Thanks!


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MangoMommy* 
I'm so excited! DH made board (navy)...now the wait begins to see if he gets selected to be chief! (E7)

Congrats and good luck to your DH!


----------



## AFWife

It's official, DH is now an Airman First Class and done with basic training!







Most of the stuff got cancelled because the weather was HORRID (no Airman's Run and no Parade)
He's at Tech School as we speak. I'm a lot more at ease because, not only did we get to spend the weekend together, but we can now talk every night! HUGE difference in my general mood.

He's still leaving me in charge of the finances...a bit scary for me. He reassured me that I've done a great job and it's best because he doesn't have enough access to the internet...and it continues to be a growing experience for me.

But...yay!


----------



## Kassyaf13

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Has anyone looked into the housing or been housed at McChord AFB? I ask because I've been informed that we are likely to be placed there instead of Ft. Lewis so as to avoid being on a wait list (I'm being recommended for EFMP and need to be close to the MTF). From what DH was told, the housing is older; however, if we decide to use the public schools in the area, the one at McChord has the highest test scores and best reputation, so this would be our best bet for on post public schools. I'm just wondering if I should hold out for Lewis or take the McChord housing.

Thanks!

McChord housing is older, it's all one story and most of them have car ports. They built new houses but most of those go to the higher ranking people like officers and such. It's a big area and just forward of the flight path of the C-17's. I don't know about how Ft.Lewis housing is, I know they were building new houses. If you call the housing office on McChord they should give you a better idea of the floor plan and might even be able to send you pic's.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kassyaf13* 
McChord housing is older, it's all one story and most of them have car ports. They built new houses but most of those go to the higher ranking people like officers and such. It's a big area and just forward of the flight path of the C-17's. I don't know about how Ft.Lewis housing is, I know they were building new houses. If you call the housing office on McChord they should give you a better idea of the floor plan and might even be able to send you pic's.

Thanks for the info, Keri! My DH mentioned one car garages, so perhaps we are slated for the newer housing. From what I understand, the overflow from Lewis is being siphoned over to McChord to make use of their older senior NCO and O1-O3 housing (if you qualify based on rank, which we do).

As long as I don't have to be on an endless wait list, I'm happy; however, the flight path stuff will take some getting used to. At Ft. Benning, we lived about 1/4 mile from a heavy artillery range, so we got used to sleeping through 2:00 am mortar fire drills







:. Military families are tough indeed







.


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
It's official, DH is now an Airman First Class and done with basic training!







Most of the stuff got cancelled because the weather was HORRID (no Airman's Run and no Parade)
He's at Tech School as we speak. I'm a lot more at ease because, not only did we get to spend the weekend together, but we can now talk every night! HUGE difference in my general mood!

Congrats! That's very exciting.

We're happy as we just found out we are expecting a little one in November- DH was deployed and missed the DS's birth but he will be here this time around which makes me very glad.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kirstenb* 
Congrats! That's very exciting.

We're happy as we just found out we are expecting a little one in November- DH was deployed and missed the DS's birth but he will be here this time around which makes me very glad.









Congratulations on expecting a new little one, how exciting!


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## ~Katie~

The landlord was trying to pull one over on us, DH talked to JAG and they're handling it now. He sent an email after we spoke to him and is trying to use his rank as means of intimidation so we forwarded the email to JAG as well. Hopefully this all gets resolved quickly and is one less thing to worry about.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
The landlord was trying to pull one over on us, DH talked to JAG and they're handling it now. He sent an email after we spoke to him and is trying to use his rank as means of intimidation so we forwarded the email to JAG as well. Hopefully this all gets resolved quickly and is one less thing to worry about.

Oh boy, pulling rank can get you into serious hot water! It's good that you forwarded everything to JAG, and hopefully the situation will be resolved quickly.

Good luck, and I'll be thinking of you.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kirstenb* 
Congrats! That's very exciting.

We're happy as we just found out we are expecting a little one in November- DH was deployed and missed the DS's birth but he will be here this time around which makes me very glad.









Congratulations! Will you still be at Pendleton when you birth?


----------



## Kassyaf13

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Thanks for the info, Keri! My DH mentioned one car garages, so perhaps we are slated for the newer housing. From what I understand, the overflow from Lewis is being siphoned over to McChord to make use of their older senior NCO and O1-O3 housing (if you qualify based on rank, which we do).

As long as I don't have to be on an endless wait list, I'm happy; however, the flight path stuff will take some getting used to. At Ft. Benning, we lived about 1/4 mile from a heavy artillery range, so we got used to sleeping through 2:00 am mortar fire drills








:. Military families are tough indeed







.

That would be great if you could get the ones with the garages. I only know about the older E-1 thru E-4 housing. And don't worry if you miss the mortar fire drills they do canon fire on Ft. Lewis too and you can feel them EVERYWHERE, they used to shake our house and we lived off base behind McChord.


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## mom2mializ

quick update (thanks for the responses, btw) - topa here called ahead to ramstein, and was informed that dependent vax status is a non-issue. phew! We've been dealing with so much CRAP here, we were just waiting for the axe to fall.







Thrilled to say we got medical clearance last week and (FINALLY!!!) have orders in hand. We're outta here in 3 weeks! (now to run around like chicken minus head...)


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Congratulations! Will you still be at Pendleton when you birth?

Thanks!

I think so. We may move down to San Diego (where DH now works) after the baby is born but we will still be in the SoCal area. DH is stationed down there for the next 3 years.


----------



## marlne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2mializ* 
quick update (thanks for the responses, btw) - topa here called ahead to ramstein, and was informed that dependent vax status is a non-issue. phew! We've been dealing with so much CRAP here, we were just waiting for the axe to fall.







Thrilled to say we got medical clearance last week and (FINALLY!!!) have orders in hand. We're outta here in 3 weeks! (now to run around like chicken minus head...)

That is so exciting and I'm glad to hear that you got clearance.









Kirsten~ Big CONGRATS with your baby on the way!!

AFWife~ Congrats to you and your hubby!

JJM~ Hi! Glad you're here!

MangoMommy~ Congrats and good luck to your hubby!

KatieJD~ That really stinks that someone was trying to pull rank. It's good you got JAG involved. I hope all goes well!


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## katheek77

Congrats Kristen!

DH made the E-7 list. Whoo-hoo!!!! Right before 10 years (which he says is good). Wheee!!!! He thinks he'll actually *be* promoted in July/August.


----------



## MangoMommy

Ohh congrats Kathee! Good luck to your DH!


----------



## ~Katie~

Congratulations, Kathee!


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## Soul-O

Congrats to you and your DH, Kathee! Hopefully the extra $$ that come with the promotion will make his recruiting gig a bit more tolerable. Is your DH still considering OCS?


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## Mommyofalmost6

Congrats Kathee!

My husband took the test yesterday for E4 (hes been in 2 years) and doesnt think he did very well


----------



## Dwmama

We just found out we are headed to Ft. Campbell next year. Does anyone have any info on birthing options? We plan to get pregnant soon after we PCS there.

Also on the best places to live?

Thanks


----------



## nia82

@ Rene: That's good news! I hope your PCS will go well









DH finished is training on Friday... The movers come tomorrow to pack everything and take us to Cheyenne, WY. But first DH will go to AL for a 6 week class, so DS and I will fly to Germany in 8 days to see grandma and grandpa. We are so excited. We are also excited to then move to Cheyenne







Our first real assignment after 1 year of different schools!


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## thea77

This is my first post, although I've been lurking for what seems like years. My husband and I are stationed at RAF Lakenheath, England. We're expecting our first baby the beginning of July. I was wondering if anyone on here was stationed at Lakenheath or Mildenhall.
I've always considered myself less-than-mainstream, but since getting pregnant, I've become passionate about attachment parenting, breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering/ec'ing, natural family living, etc. Being a military spouse stationed overseas, I feel like I'm the only one who has these philosophies/principles and it can be quiet isolating. I was hoping I could "meet" some others on this forum. It's really helpful to at least have this!


----------



## AFWife

Anyone in or around Ellsworth Air Force Base in South Dakota? We'll be PCSing in June


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## KarlaC

Thought I'd jump in & introduce myself. I'm Karla, dh & I are at Ft. Bragg for at least another year & a half, his deployment is coming up so he won't be home for our ds birth I don't think. Oh well, one more year closer to retirement for him!!







:

I'll go back to lurking unless I have something useful to add









~K.


----------



## ~Katie~

Welcome to the newcomers!

Karla - I'm at Fort Bragg, also!

thea - I'm sorry you're feeling isolated







I understand how hard it can be when you combine military life with an AP/NP lifestyle, its so hard to find others who share your beliefs and its hard to stay anywhere long enough to establish friendships.

Got some updates on the deployment situation. DH has been approved to stay behind, but, and there's always a but, someone is raising a stink about when the next flight is taking place and all of the people staying behind. This person of course has no say in the matter but I told DH that basically if they don't have a 100% definite answer for us I don't want to be told anything.


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## crazyeight

dh is being deployed







things aren't good for us as a couple anymore as we're getting divorced but we had just started to work on being friends and co parents instead of lovers and now thats getting messed up. he has training in georgia april 5-21 then deploys april 28. we just found out yesterday







so in 2 weeks i become a real single mom with no help, no family, no one. basically he'll be gone for almost 6 months. this is his first deployment (6 years) so having all this culminate right now is hard. he's going to kuwait though so not in the middle of the action. however the training he has in georgia is what is prompting his deployment so i guess now that he'll be trained for AR he's going to be deployed ALOT more. we'll be holding off on the official divorce until he gets back since there is so little time for him to prepare all the "normal" deployment stuff let alone anything else.

after we get divorced will he still get fam sep when he's deployed? i mean he's still going to be seperated from his kids so i would think he should....what kind of access will i have to base for the kids?


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 
Thought I'd jump in & introduce myself. I'm Karla, dh & I are at Ft. Bragg for at least another year & a half, his deployment is coming up so he won't be home for our ds birth I don't think. Oh well, one more year closer to retirement for him!!







:

I'll go back to lurking unless I have something useful to add









~K.

Welcome, I'm in 'Fayettenam' also. sorry to hear about the deployment situation.... so many folks are deploying right now, it's very


----------



## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dhinderliter* 
dh is being deployed







things aren't good for us as a couple anymore as we're getting divorced but we had just started to work on being friends and co parents instead of lovers and now thats getting messed up. he has training in georgia april 5-21 then deploys april 28. we just found out yesterday







so in 2 weeks i become a real single mom with no help, no family, no one. basically he'll be gone for almost 6 months. this is his first deployment (6 years) so having all this culminate right now is hard. he's going to kuwait though so not in the middle of the action. however the training he has in georgia is what is prompting his deployment so i guess now that he'll be trained for AR he's going to be deployed ALOT more. we'll be holding off on the official divorce until he gets back since there is so little time for him to prepare all the "normal" deployment stuff let alone anything else.

after we get divorced will he still get fam sep when he's deployed? i mean he's still going to be seperated from his kids so i would think he should....what kind of access will i have to base for the kids?

DH thinks he'll still get Fam Sep pay after the divorce, and the kids will most likely get ID's for medical/base privilages.

I'm sorry you're going thru this mama.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dhinderliter* 
after we get divorced will he still get fam sep when he's deployed? i mean he's still going to be seperated from his kids so i would think he should....what kind of access will i have to base for the kids?

my roommate in college was from a military family, and even though her parents had been divorced for years she still had military id and medical coverage. not sure about the fam sep pay, i never thought to ask about that.







what a crappy situation, sorry I don't have any advice or answers for you.


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
Welcome, I'm in 'Fayettenam' also. sorry to hear about the deployment situation.... so many folks are deploying right now, it's very









Hah Fayettenam, such an accurate description. Thanks for the welcome ladies.







Are you living on post or off?

Just curios, I live off post & have heard some awful things about on post housing atm.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 
Hah Fayettenam, such an accurate description. Thanks for the welcome ladies.







Are you living on post or off?

Just curios, I live off post & have heard some awful things about on post housing atm.

I'm on post, we live in Hammond Hills. The housing varies pretty widely, I've heard some bad things about certain places but haven't had any problems where we live now.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I'm on post, we live in Hammond Hills. The housing varies pretty widely, I've heard some bad things about certain places but haven't had any problems where we live now.

we live off post, but the situation isn't much different, it seems to vary depending on where you are.


----------



## katheek77

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dhinderliter* 
dh is being deployed







things aren't good for us as a couple anymore as we're getting divorced but we had just started to work on being friends and co parents instead of lovers and now thats getting messed up. he has training in georgia april 5-21 then deploys april 28. we just found out yesterday







so in 2 weeks i become a real single mom with no help, no family, no one. basically he'll be gone for almost 6 months. this is his first deployment (6 years) so having all this culminate right now is hard. he's going to kuwait though so not in the middle of the action. however the training he has in georgia is what is prompting his deployment so i guess now that he'll be trained for AR he's going to be deployed ALOT more. we'll be holding off on the official divorce until he gets back since there is so little time for him to prepare all the "normal" deployment stuff let alone anything else.

after we get divorced will he still get fam sep when he's deployed? i mean he's still going to be seperated from his kids so i would think he should....what kind of access will i have to base for the kids?

If you have primary custody of the kids, they will get IDs to allow them base privileges (usually, children under 10 don't get ID cards). I *believe* that you would get some sort of letter authorizing you to come on base to acquire items/services for your *children*. In other words, you can come and buy clothes from the PX for them, but, not for yourself. If your husband has primary custody, they'll get their IDs at 10, as usual.

I believe if you are primary caretaker, your husband will *not* receive family sep pay for future deployments. If *he* is primary caretaker, he will, even if the children are then living with another relative or you during deployments.


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
If you have primary custody of the kids, they will get IDs to allow them base privileges (usually, children under 10 don't get ID cards). I *believe* that you would get some sort of letter authorizing you to come on base to acquire items/services for your *children*. In other words, you can come and buy clothes from the PX for them, but, not for yourself. If your husband has primary custody, they'll get their IDs at 10, as usual.

I believe if you are primary caretaker, your husband will *not* receive family sep pay for future deployments. If *he* is primary caretaker, he will, even if the children are then living with another relative or you during deployments.

You won't get fam. seperation pay after a divorce if you have the custody of the children (btdt) Sorry







Your kids will still be covered by Tricare though.


----------



## harm526

Hi Military Mommas!

DH is in the Air Force and we are stationed in the UK for another year. We have one darling little boy who will be 11 months on Thursday!

So glad to meet you all!!!


----------



## Anissina

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Melly: Do you have a recommendation for a Ft. Lewis area Ped and/or Family Practice MD? Hopefully delayed vax friendly, although that's probably asking too much in the Army







.

Thanks!

Hi! I'm new and at Lewis! We see Dr. Jenner through the Franciscan Medical Group. She's in Tacoma and she's delayed vax friendly. She's also covered under Tricare Prime.


----------



## ~Katie~

DH is deploying on time. The news we heard about him getting to stay was nothing but speculation. The justification that we were given is because its our second child. Of the 5 that requested to stay behind, only 2 are being forced to leave on time. I honestly don't know if I can cry anymore about this, it may be a normal occurrence in the military but no family should ever have to go through this. Especially because of an insensitive and clueless commander. We won't even be able to communicate via phone or internet for an indefinite amount of time because of where he's going. We'll be saying goodbye to him early next month







:


----------



## Anissina

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
DH is deploying on time. The news we heard about him getting to stay was nothing but speculation. The justification that we were given is because its our second child. Of the 5 that requested to stay behind, only 2 are being forced to leave on time. I honestly don't know if I can cry anymore about this, it may be a normal occurrence in the military but no family should ever have to go through this. Especially because of an insensitive and clueless commander. We won't even be able to communicate via phone or internet for an indefinite amount of time because of where he's going. We'll be saying goodbye to him early next month







:

I'm so sorry! Have you looked into Operation Special Delivery? :







s::


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Anissina* 
I'm so sorry! Have you looked into Operation Special Delivery? :







s::

I have looked into it. I'm having a homebirth and will have my midwife and two of her assistants available, one of them being a doula. I'm also having a post-partum doula for a period of time after the birth as well.


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
DH is deploying on time. The news we heard about him getting to stay was nothing but speculation. The justification that we were given is because its our second child. Of the 5 that requested to stay behind, only 2 are being forced to leave on time. I honestly don't know if I can cry anymore about this, it may be a normal occurrence in the military but no family should ever have to go through this. Especially because of an insensitive and clueless commander. We won't even be able to communicate via phone or internet for an indefinite amount of time because of where he's going. We'll be saying goodbye to him early next month







:

I'm so sorry.


----------



## mmgrimm

Hi, Everybody!

I have been a Military Wife for 5 years and a Military Mom for 3 years!







: Looking forward to having advice and support from other Mamas! We recently PCS'd to Fort Lewis so if any Mamas have any info about meeting groups or playgroups please let me know!


----------



## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2mializ* 
Hi ladies! I kinda feel like I'm crashing here - I've introduced myself before (months ago), but don't spend much time on mothering, so I haven't been around. But I've got a question I was hoping one of you might be able to answer. dh has orders to head to germany, and our kids are "behind" on their vax. our loosing base has suggested that this might be an issue (haven't heard yet from gaining).

we REALLY have our hearts set on germany, and I'm sure that there are other non-vaxers over there, so i'm wondering if any of you have experience with this or know someone who does? thanks so much!!!

We had no issue with our DS's vax (we did selective-vax) when we were stationed in Germany a couple of years ago. We found Germany to be more supportive on AP and extended breastfeeding than the states. I hope u all get to go...it was an amazing experience!


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## Alohamelly

I posted this on my DDC also, but I'm 31 weeks pregnant and right now, planning to give birth at the MTF (Madigan). I don't want to anymore. Do you all think Tricare would allow me to switch to an off post hospital without making me go standard? Or will they let me switch at all?


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## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
I posted this on my DDC also, but I'm 31 weeks pregnant and right now, planning to give birth at the MTF (Madigan). I don't want to anymore. Do you all think Tricare would allow me to switch to an off post hospital without making me go standard? Or will they let me switch at all?

I think the only way they will pay 100% for an off post hospital is if they refer you there because the on post drs are over-loaded. Otherwise you'll have to either switch to standard or pay the out of pocket costs for seeing a non mtf provider.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 
I think the only way they will pay 100% for an off post hospital is if they refer you there because the on post drs are over-loaded. Otherwise you'll have to either switch to standard or pay the out of pocket costs for seeing a non mtf provider.

Thanks.


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## married2thearmy07

Thanks for the link pearl! I was so confused and thought the dates meant these were threads for women due this month! lol

Anyways...

My name is Sierra. I'm a 20 year old, SAHM, and doula in training. I am a home birthing, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, baby wearing, mother. I have been married to my wonderful hubby, Corey, for just over 2 years now. We met the summer of '06 in Basic Training. I am no longer in the Army. (Being a mother was more important to me!) Corey is an OIF veteran who just returned home in December







Together we share a beautiful daughter, Hayden, whis almost 13 mos. old. We are currently stationed at Fort Stewart, GA but will be PCSing to Ft. Leonard Wood, MO in July.


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## marlne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
DH is deploying on time. The news we heard about him getting to stay was nothing but speculation. The justification that we were given is because its our second child. Of the 5 that requested to stay behind, only 2 are being forced to leave on time. I honestly don't know if I can cry anymore about this, it may be a normal occurrence in the military but no family should ever have to go through this. Especially because of an insensitive and clueless commander. We won't even be able to communicate via phone or internet for an indefinite amount of time because of where he's going. We'll be saying goodbye to him early next month







:

Oh Katie~ That breaks my heart for you!! I'm so sorry..







I wish I lived near you to offer you some support in person.

Alohamelly~ You may be able to switch to Standard.. It couldn't hurt to talk to the Tricare office.

Hi to all the newcomers!!


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## leosmommy

.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
Hello, everyone! My DH is in the process of joining the Army right now...he has some testing tomorrow for a few hours, and will be going for basic training in the next month or so. It's an idea we've been playing with for a few years now, so it's not all a total shock, but I am absorbing a lot of new information now. I'm coming here to ask you all for advice about many different things.

DH has an associate's degree and will be an E-3 to start, and his recruiter is predicting that he'll score pretty well on the tests tomorrow.

I am 22, and a SAHM to our DS who is 11 months. We are very AP...breastfeeding, cosleeping/bedsharing, cloth diapering, nonvaxing, etc. I am interested in living on base but since we are planning to get preggo this winter (when DS is 18 months +) and want a homebirth/possibly an unassisted birth, is it in our best interest to live off base? I don't want to live on base if it means we will feel isolated. We make an effort to only spend time with other AP families, and that's a choice we want to stick to even while being a military family. Will I be looked down upon for not "participating" in all the family/mom groups on base because I don't want my child exposed to other styles of parenting? We babywear, and don't have a stroller, hang our diapers outside on a line to dry, have a garden, eat a very specific organic/macrobiotic diet. Should we just not even consider living on base? What are the pros/cons of living on base/off base? We will be renting for the next year or so until we're ready to buy a house (we're not yet). Once we know more of how many kids we want, where we want to build our house, what style of house, etc, we'll get a mortgage and build a house, but not yet.

Can we even live on base if our DS and our pets are not vaxed? My brother brought up that question and it's a legitimate one...

Since I'm already planning to rent off base I'm okay with that decision. What are the things I really need to do/plan for/look into BEFORE DH leaves for basic training and then also AFTER he is at basic training?

Thank you so much for all of your input!!!

I can't answer all of your questions, but you might not even be able to get a house on post wherever you go. Most places have long waiting lists.

I prefer to live on post. My husband is gone so much that when he's here, we like having him come home for breakfast and lunch and for him to not spend too much time commuting. I also like being close to the px, commissary and other base resources. Post neighborhoods are pretty kid friendly and I like that my daughter can go out to play and I don't have to worry about her too much. I also love all the playgrounds and stuff. For us, the benefits to living on post outweigh the negatives.

That said, I have not been able to find many other moms to connect with on base. I was really lucky when we were at Ft. Bragg to have a close friend in my neighborhood who was AP. Here (at Lewis), I haven't found anyone but I am a part of a great AP group off post.

As for buying a house, I know a lot of military families do it but I really don't understand why. Maybe someone else here can enlighten me. Why would you buy a house somewhere you're only going to be for 3 years or so? I know a lot of people right now who are PCS'ing and are stressing out because they can't sell their homes. Just curious!


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## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
Hello, everyone! My DH is in the process of joining the Army right now...he has some testing tomorrow for a few hours, and will be going for basic training in the next month or so. It's an idea we've been playing with for a few years now, so it's not all a total shock, but I am absorbing a lot of new information now. I'm coming here to ask you all for advice about many different things.

DH has an associate's degree and will be an E-3 to start, and his recruiter is predicting that he'll score pretty well on the tests tomorrow.

I am 22, and a SAHM to our DS who is 11 months. We are very AP...breastfeeding, cosleeping/bedsharing, cloth diapering, nonvaxing, etc. I am interested in living on base but since we are planning to get preggo this winter (when DS is 18 months +) and want a homebirth/possibly an unassisted birth, is it in our best interest to live off base? I don't want to live on base if it means we will feel isolated. We make an effort to only spend time with other AP families, and that's a choice we want to stick to even while being a military family. Will I be looked down upon for not "participating" in all the family/mom groups on base because I don't want my child exposed to other styles of parenting? We babywear, and don't have a stroller, hang our diapers outside on a line to dry, have a garden, eat a very specific organic/macrobiotic diet. Should we just not even consider living on base? What are the pros/cons of living on base/off base? We will be renting for the next year or so until we're ready to buy a house (we're not yet). Once we know more of how many kids we want, where we want to build our house, what style of house, etc, we'll get a mortgage and build a house, but not yet.

Can we even live on base if our DS and our pets are not vaxed? My brother brought up that question and it's a legitimate one...

Since I'm already planning to rent off base I'm okay with that decision. What are the things I really need to do/plan for/look into BEFORE DH leaves for basic training and then also AFTER he is at basic training?

Thank you so much for all of your input!!!

Honestly you don't need to worry about housing until Dh gets his orders in basic. You may be sent overseas or stationed near a big city where if you don't live on post there are only apartments in your BAH range.

I really dont recommend the buying a house or building a house...you may only live somewhere for 2 or 3 years (We are on our 4th duty station in 5 years). Plus we have been stationed in some high COL areas that owning a home was out of the question.

There should not be a problem with DS vaxs but your pets have to be registered with housing on post (2 pet max). Even if you live off post most landlords want the same for safety and insurance reasons. Plus the Army does not cover up front costs to live off post...pet deposits, security deposits, upfront rent costs.

Good Luck!


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## treemom2

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
As far as I know their non-vax status is not an issue. They won't be inspecting vaccination records, and they can't legally force you to vaccinate your children. While I don't know anyone personally stationed in Germany, I do have American friends who live there and their children are unvaccinated without issue.

I do know that for coming to Japan they do check the family's vax records and they have been canceling orders because of nonvax status. I am currently in Japan and have been told that my children will never be allowed in the CDC (or their activities, like parents night out) or in the schools because they are not vaxed (we are civilians working on a military base which is how we got to Japan--they don't check civilian family's medical stuff). It's okay because I send my children to school out in the community and I plan to homeschool full-time when they get a little older. . .


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## leosmommy

.


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## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
thanks for the replies so far! I have a few more questions as I've been attempting to research stuff...

When DH goes away for basic training, does he start earning an income and BAH and all that right away?

Do we have to move when DH does? Like, if he works on a base and we are renting an apartment here in the U.S., and then he has to go to a foreign country that I don't want to live in with the kids, do we HAVE to go? Can we stay behind? Do we still get the BAH if we stay here in the states even if he's stationed in a non-combat zone, like Germany or Japan?

Why is it impractical for us to buy a house to live at permanently? Meaning me and the kids stay there, DH visits when he can while he's still in (for the next 10 or 15 years until he retires).
We aren't ready to buy a house yet anyway but I don't understand why we shouldn't someday. I'm not trying to be rude I just don't get it!

And the recruiter said the Army is pretty good about letting DH come home for vacations when he wants...like if I'm due to give birth he's allowed a month off for that, or if there's a 2 week period when we want to TTC he can come home...as long as he puts in for the time off well ahead of time, etc. Is this true?

How much time should DH sign up for initially? A long time (like 6 or 8 years) for a slightly larger bonus, or a short time (like 2 or 4 years) with plans to re-enlist with a small bonus now but hopefully a larger bonus later?

I'm sure I'll be back soon with more questions for you all...









Since you have lots of questions...I have lots of answers! My DH has been in the Army for 8 years and I also served for 4 years!

First your DH will start recieving pay and BAH as soon as he leaves for Basic. BAH is determined by where you live while he is away then where you get stationed after Basic and AIT. You can find Pay and BAH charts online.

If he gets stationed overseas you don't have to go...its called a hardship tour and lasts 12 to 24 months. You will get BAH for where you and the kids are if you choose not to go...He will live in the barracks.

Rule Number One about Joining the Military...Recruiters LIE!

Your DH will get 28 days of leave a year and his unit has to approve all leave requests. So he may not get the time he wants or have earned enough time...you earn 2 1/2 days a month.

Buying a house and having your DH only come to visit when he can is a family decision for you two to make...Only seeing your DH 28 days a year for 20 years would take a toll.

Bonus Money depends on Congress...there maybe no bonuses 3 or 4 years down the road...there were none when DH and I enlisted prior to 9/11.

Let me know if you have more questions!


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## ~Katie~

Welcome, leosmommy!

Whether you end up in an AP community is really luck of the draw. I've been able to live in areas where AP is prominent enough that I was able to find playgroups and friends fairly easily. I've also lived in places where I had to search harder to find like-minded friends and playgroups that were accepting and respectful of everybody regardless of their parenting style. I have personally found that regardless of parenting style, getting involved with activities with other military families is helpful because they know exactly what we're going through (especially with deployments) and we've been able to find lots of support in ways that non-military friends and family cannot provide.

As for housing, if you do decide to live on post you'll be closer to shopping, you'll be nearby to lots of kid's activities and playgrounds, the commute is much shorter and your DH can come home for lunch and be home quicker after work (which is nice when they're working until 8 or 9pm some nights). Getting on and off post is a pain in the morning especially. Are you planning to build or buy a house in another state away from your DH? If so, you have to take into consideration that he'll get BAH for the city he's stationed in, not where you're located so the cost of living could be higher for you than him. From my own experience, BAH has never completely covered the cost of rent in the three states we've lived in based on the size of house and neighborhood we like to live in. If you buy a house where he's stationed, have you come up with a plan for what to do with it once you move elsewhere? Do you plan to rent it out when you change duty stations? If you plan to rent a home, you will also be responsible for paying any deposits and your first month's rent usually because there can be a delay as far as when funds come in (I know this from experience unfortunately). Also, if you plan to live apart you'll have to determine whether his pay will cover his cost of living as well as yours.

As for taking that kind of leave, I've never heard of anyone getting a month off when having a baby and I'm not sure where the recruiter got that from. Leave is entirely dependent on whoever your husband's commander ends up being and how generous he is. Soldiers now get 10 days of paternity leave. A typical leave time is 2 weeks once they've built up enough time to take off, my DH takes MAYBE a week off at a time when he has it because he can't leave for that long without things piling up. It will also be dependent on their training schedule. If your husband ends up deployed when you're pregnant, he'll be able to take 2 weeks of r&r around the time you have the baby usually but its never a guarantee. I'm having a baby in May and my DH is deploying about 2 weeks prior to that and won't be allowed to stay behind based on commander's orders. It all really depends on how his unit ends up being whether he'll get to take leave when he wants but he probably won't have a ton of say in the matter.


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## leosmommy

.


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## ~Katie~

I wouldn't cancel out military activities all together. For us, there really aren't a lot of formal get-togethers designed to meet people that I attend. Its more just me going out to say hello to my neighbors and going from there. In almost any area you end up, you'll be able to find people on MDC who live there which is really nice. Nobody has ever given me crap about my parenting choices, some might think it a bit different but it hasn't influenced my friendships with those people because most have the common sense to be tolerant even if they don't share the same beliefs. One nice thing about military life is that there is a broad spectrum of people to meet from every walk of life. Groups like LLL are sometimes located on post as well. All I can say is keep an open mind


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## marimara

I agree, an open mind is the most important resource of all. I have 4 years Air Force exp myself and my dh is been in for 13 years. You will meet all kinds of people, and sometimes you won't fit in but it's up to you to make it work. As for living apart, well I've known a few families who did that (long term, I mean not just for overseas or hardship tours) and they always end up divorced







. IMO it's better for the family to stay together. Even if means sacrifices on your part. Oh yeah, there will be lots of sacrifices. That's part of being a military spouse. I mean, I hate where I live now, no AP mamas anywhere, but I"m finding things to do to keep busy. It really sucks to be apart from your spouse and especially hard on the kids. You'll get thru it and make lots of good friends along the way!


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## marlne

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
Since you have lots of questions...I have lots of answers! My DH has been in the Army for 8 years and I also served for 4 years!

First your DH will start recieving pay and BAH as soon as he leaves for Basic. BAH is determined by where you live while he is away then where you get stationed after Basic and AIT. You can find Pay and BAH charts online.

If he gets stationed overseas you don't have to go...its called a hardship tour and lasts 12 to 24 months. You will get BAH for where you and the kids are if you choose not to go...He will live in the barracks.

*Rule Number One about Joining the Military...Recruiters LIE!*

Your DH will get 28 days of leave a year and his unit has to approve all leave requests. So he may not get the time he wants or have earned enough time...you earn 2 1/2 days a month.

Buying a house and having your DH only come to visit when he can is a family decision for you two to make...Only seeing your DH 28 days a year for 20 years would take a toll.

Bonus Money depends on Congress...there maybe no bonuses 3 or 4 years down the road...there were none when DH and I enlisted prior to 9/11.

Let me know if you have more questions!

In response to the bolded part.. Not all lie.. My DH may be new in recruiting (working for 7mos now in it) but he is not a liar. He absolutely will not ever lie to someone just to try and reel them in.
Also, I don't know about other branches but for the Marine Corps, if a recruiter gets caught lying, it can pose many problems for him.

It is those who _do_ lie, who give non liars a bad rep. And I will say that the first thought I got with regarding the recruiter telling your (leosmommy) hubby that he'll get all that time off, is lying.

Leosmommy, you don't have to participate in military activities. I'm not one to go doing the activities really. We did participate more in kid activities such as gymnastics or dance and we always spent time at the pools.
You can be picky and choosy on what you want to do and who you want to be friends with too. I'm not the type looking to make tons of friends, but I am always nice to everyone and say hello to my neighbors. Being picky and choosy so far has helped keep me out of drama situations that I had heard about from some neighbors at times.
Also, I've ended up with a few wonderful and close friends that I'd never ever trade the world for.









Living on base suited us best. We tried off base at first and then tried on base and found it to be a better fit.


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## ValarieR

Hi! I'm Valarie, 26 recent college grad (Psych & Women's Studies), I work in medical billing, and am about to marry an Army Sgt.

I've known him since we were kids- I was head over heels when I was 16 & he was 24... he was far too nice of a guy to date a 16yr old then though! So, we went our separate ways, both went through crappy marriages, and here we are a decade later...

He was home for leave in early March, and apparently he left me a very special gift... we are expecting our first child in December... which would be perfect, except he is deployed until at least October. Even when he is done, he has to do about three weeks in Oahu before he can take terminal leave. We're both hoping he can be here for the birth.

I have hated being an Army girlfriend- if he is hurt, they call his Mom, I can't go on base for FRG meetings, no one seems to understand that I miss him as much as a wife.... so, we're doing the proxy marriage thing so I can have the things a wife has. Love him for that









Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll be asking a ton of quesitons... Nice to meet you all!

Valarie


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## mmgrimm

To ValarieR: It does suck being an Army girlfriend...you are seen as nothing to the unit...but I promise it changes when you get married. I think it has alot to do with the fact that the unit is not reliable for you or to you when you are dating. I was an FRG leader at our last two duty stations and I always included girlfriends...I knew what it was like to be one and how much I hated not being included.

To KatyJD: Sorry that your husband has to leave prior to the baby coming...I am keeping good thoughts in my head for you that the deployment gets postponed even if only a few weeks.

To Marine: Recruiters do Lie...they tell you what you want to hear so you sign the papers. Maybe its different in the Marine Corps. They get away with it because its not written in the contract.

Sometimes participating in activities on post gives you a since of belonging...other families that know exactly what its like to have a husband work crazy hours or be deployed. Making friends on post has always been hard for us because of our parenting styles and the fact we have two legally blind children...but somehow we always manage to make a few good friends that we can count on when needed. Plus activities on post are more budget friendly than off post.


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## AFWife

I wouldn't say that DH's recruiter LIED (Air Force) but apparently she was extremely misinformed on several points (which lead to him also not being informed)

I also noticed at MEPS that a lot of people hadn't been told much of anything by their recruiters...like, one guy had NO idea there was a dress code and almost had to go home because of it.

DH never explained exactly what she had told him about basic that was "wrong" or "off"...but I never pressed and asked for specifics.

Quick off topic question: When I give birth the baby is automatically covered on insurance for a few days right? I don't have to do anything beforehand?


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## Maluhia

Quote:

Quick off topic question: When I give birth the baby is automatically covered on insurance for a few days right? I don't have to do anything beforehand?
Yep - you have two weeks for your DH to enroll the child in DEERS, or it could be 30 days? For some reason I'm remembering two weeks.

I know recruiters spouses always get up in arms when it's said but 95% of the people in the Military I've spoken to were lied to by recruiters (mostly lies of omission, and in retrospect omitting obvious big things that are hard to deal with). So either all the sailors/marines/soldiers/airmen I spoke to have lied to me for no good reason, or recruiters lie under pressure for quotas. Sure - the husbands of women who are on here might be in the 5% that don't lie, but they might not be as well.

In the same vein I love my husband and think he's great at his job, he tells me all about what he did and why he did it and the reasons he knows to do things that others may not understand or be exposed to. I think he's great but I'm sure there are women who think he's the dumbest meanest XO their husbands have ever had to deal with - and so what? Maybe he does do things imperfectly, it sure won't make me love him any less but he also is not going to come home proporting the perspective of his sailors to be the absolute truth.


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## leosmommy

.


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## tatin

Hello to you all. I didn't even know that this group existed on MDC! I'll honestly say that I was opposed to my husband joining the Army Reserve, at first, since I am a SAHM to two young children (5 years and 11 months) and I have no family nearby. He was having the hardest time finding employment after having been laid off from his job in construction, so he decided to join the Reserves to further his training and to create some reliable source of income for us. I have supported him ever since the day he swore in (this past March) and I will continue to do so, but I am so overwhelmed by all of this. For the next nine weeks, I have no way to get in touch with, nor he with me (maybe on Sundays? I don't know). I'm sure many of you have gone through similar or more challenging situations, and I guess I just want to know what to expect. I have no source of income w/out my husband at home and I was expecting a direct deposit payment from his basic training on May 1st, but he just informed me not to count on it happening until May 15th. I have to make rent and other payments, and I don't know what to do. I've been searching Craigslist, and other job links, hoping to find some type of PT employment that will allow me to take my 11 month along with me. Any ideas?

Thanks for any suggestions you might have for me.


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## AFWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
DH took his ASVAB this morning...he got a 39. That's the only score he has (or will give me over the phone right now!) since he's in the car with the recruiter on the way back from the testing center.

I know that's not a great score...but I'm not going to tell him that. Is this limiting as far as enlistment bonuses, jobs available to him, etc.? He has an associate's degree (in culinary arts/rest. mgmt.) and isn't that physically fit (yet). He just meets the body fat percentage requirement (he's at 26%) and can not even do the minimum sit-ups/push-ups or 2 mile run at this point. He's finally agreed to let me help him with diet and exercise so he doesn't die or not graduate from BCT.

Give it to me honestly, please! He doesn't come here on MDC and I won't tell him the harsh reality of his low score...I'll let his recruiter do that.









I'm sad because I tried to get him to study but he refused. I don't want him to get a job he's not happy with and be stuck for a long time with it, and I know he's assuming he'll get a 20K bonus no matter what...

First of all, when I did MEPS (I was going to join the Air Force and turned up pregnant...) there were worse scores than that flying around...and several that were about in that range. I think it's pretty average to be totally honest.

I'm not sure how it works in all branches (which is he entering?) but I can tell you what I know about the Air Force...

Overall score pretty much decides whether you get IN or not (his passes for all branches) Each test is comprised of different sections such as math, reading comprehension, mechanics, spatial recognition, etc... How he scored in those sections helps determine which jobs he's eligible for. Example: If he kicked butt in the mechanics section but not so much in the reading they'll probably let him look at mechanic jobs. Things like that. Yes, some jobs require higher overall scores. But they need people to do a large array of jobs. And he gets paid by pay grade and not job assignment. So, even if he ends up fixing airplanes he gets paid the same as the guy running numbers and the guy doing public health (as long as they're all equal grades)

I also know that in the Air Force an Associate's Degree bumps you up to an E3. LOL My DH got his in Fine Arts and they accepted it and gave him the advance. A degree is a degree...they really don't care what you got it in unless it's something huge like micro-engineering or something.

If he starts working out now and can get to some sort of baseline (even just under "passing requirements") he'll probably be fine. They'll bust his butt no matter what and if he takes the workouts seriously he'll get to where they want him to be. Chances are, he won't be the most out of shape guy that shows up...

*hugs*


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## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tatin* 
Hello to you all. I didn't even know that this group existed on MDC! I'll honestly say that I was opposed to my husband joining the Army Reserve, at first, since I am a SAHM to two young children (5 years and 11 months) and I have no family nearby. He was having the hardest time finding employment after having been laid off from his job in construction, so he decided to join the Reserves to further his training and to create some reliable source of income for us. I have supported him ever since the day he swore in (this past March) and I will continue to do so, but I am so overwhelmed by all of this. For the next nine weeks, I have no way to get in touch with, nor he with me (maybe on Sundays? I don't know). I'm sure many of you have gone through similar or more challenging situations, and I guess I just want to know what to expect. I have no source of income w/out my husband at home and I was expecting a direct deposit payment from his basic training on May 1st, but he just informed me not to count on it happening until May 15th. I have to make rent and other payments, and I don't know what to do. I've been searching Craigslist, and other job links, hoping to find some type of PT employment that will allow me to take my 11 month along with me. Any ideas?

Thanks for any suggestions you might have for me.

Sorry that you are going through this









I would call all of the places that you need to make payments to and inform them that your husband has just been called to active duty and that there will be a delay in his pay until May 15th and see if they can work something out with you.

It maybe awhile before you hear from your husband and when you do it may only be for a few minutes. If you have an emergency of any type contact the Red Cross and they will be able to relay a message for your husband to contact you.

Also contact the FRG for his reserve unit...they will be able to give you info and point you in the right direction on resources available to you!


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## leosmommy

.


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## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
Going in Tuesday to discuss DH's ASVAB results, and the breakdown of his score, and get assigned for BCT and pick out a job and thereby AIT and hopefully figure out a timeline for me and DS as regards to moving. Whew! This is exciting but stressful! More questions for you all, TIA!!!

Should we get Tricare Prime or Standard? We do not do WBV, are non-vaxers, and use a holistic dentist. We are planning a homebirth/unassisted birth for next baby (and subsequent LOs). We like to see a chiropractor every now and again. We hardly ever see a FP, yearly for physicals and some routine bloodwork for me and DH but that's it. I have some cervical issues that I have to deal with but we don't have insurance right now and I can't find a doctor willing to cooperate with me (and my anxiety) so it hasn't happened yet and will happen once we're on military health insurance, assuming I can find a doctor who gives a sh*t about me. We're okay with paying some co-pays/out of pocket for our non-mainstream practices but would like as much help from insurance as possible!

When should we be seeing those first checks? DH is torn because he wants to tell his job that he's joining the Army and will be leaving but knows that as soon as he lets them know they'll fire him. He's going to wait until 2 weeks exactly before the start of BCT. He'd like some time off to spend with us but we can't afford that...we'll have to live off savings until the Army money comes in, and right now we literally have $5.47 in our bank account, and some bills are already overdue, although DH does get paid today, half of his $800 check will be gone by tomorrow after we pay some bills, put gas in the car, buy some groceries, etc.

Is it true DH will get family separation pay as soon as he goes to BCT?

Do we go with him to AIT? I read something about 20 weeks, but do we have to go? I don't want to move twice in a few months time, and I don't want to live in a hotel for a month or so, either. We could probably go month-to-month on our current lease (which is up Sept. 1st) until DH gets his PCS (I think that's what he gets after AIT, right?).

If DH wants to be an MP how long of an AIT are we looking at?

I'm researching and charting the BAH for EVERY base so I can take it with us to the recruiter's office for Tuesday's decision making...it varies so much, it's frustrating! We know we want to live off post and I don't want to live overseas if we can help that at all...but we will go where DH goes, so but for the grace of God go I!

Any bases we absolutely want to avoid/areas around the bases where DS and I will be living and trying to make friends?

What about unschooling? We can still do it, right? Is it harder/easier/a total PITA? Location dependent? Do I have to submit paperwork to the Army and the state/country we live in or just the Army?

What a headache this is all turning out to be...you ladies amaze me with your strength!!!









And DH is definitely an E-3, and shooting for a bachelor's degree (has an assoc. already) as soon as he can get the time to take classes to bump up his rank some more. Spoke to my friend's dad (his dad was an MP, and he was in the Army, and his son...my friend's brother...is also in the Army) said that MPs can move up the ranks quickly. True/not true/depends?

On a lighter note...decided we're going to give our economical car (a 2001 Kia Rio that I bought my senior year of high school in spring of 2005) to my brother, who's a sophomore in college once money starts coming in. We won't need it and he has no car and deserves a break! Can't wait to find a nice, new, clean, quality home (no more apartments!!!) to live in. Where everything works as it should and I feel safe. Can't wait to buy all new furniture and all sorts of nice things we've wanted for a while. And we're going to get a puppy once we are settled! So proud of my hubby for joining the Army to make life better for us now and in the long term!









To Tatin: if I've learned anything so far it's write to your hubby as much as you can while he's gone! Just write about anything and everything, send him pictures of you and the kids if you can (even printed right on regular paper) just make sure they're wholesome/appropriate. My hubby is already looking forward to our letters when he goes to BCT. Stay positive, we are here for you! I second calling those you owe money to and explaining the situation, I'm sure they'll cut you a break. Call your church, go in the phonebook/online for food banks, call anyone who would be willing/able to help you...you deserve it!!!

As to questions about being an MP ( I know this one very well







)! MP school is BCT and AIT combined, its called OSUT and it lasts for 19 weeks. There is no break in between like most MOS's and families cannot come along. The MP Corp is one of the hardest MOS's to get promoted in...points are always maxed. Also in order to become a MP you have to have a ST score of 95 on the asvab and be able to obtain a government security clearance. The last time I knew in order to recieve an enlistment bonus you had to have an asvab score of 50 minimum.

I don't know if Tricare Prime or Standard will cover the drs that you are talking about...they have a referral program. Meaning you go see your Main Doctor and they have to put in a referral to Tricare and Tricare has to approve it. Dental Insurance is not covered by the Army its a premium you pay out of pocket.

Your DH will recieve his first direct deposit within 15 to 30 days after he does the paperwork at inprocessing which is located at BCT. It all depends on what day its done during the month since paydays are on the 1st and 15th. As for Family Separation its after 30 days of separation that it starts to be paid.

As for bases its going to depend on your DH's MOS...not every MOS is located at every base. Remember when the BAH is higher its means the COL is higher. Most of the time it pays to live on post because all you can afford with BAH off post are apartments or have to commute long distances. Also your DH's unit may have rules that he can't live but so many miles away or has to have a max response time.

Hope this helps!


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## ValarieR

I got an email from my love today... he has mailed the power of attny to me. As soon as it arrives, I can go and marry him. Without him being here. Alone. Yippee









I know I should be excited to be his wife, and all of the things I hate about being the girlfriend will go away... but I never thought I would be married this way! He knows it makes me sad, and has promised to throw a big anniversary party, complete with a ring ceremony and vow exchange.

He still hasn't told his mom that we're getting married, or that I am pregnant... nor has he told his CO's! Only his chaplain knows. This is all really weird.

And, after all of this effort, he is supposed to be home this fall, and out of the Army for good by Christmas (he has been stop-lossed; he should have been out already).









Sorry to be less than chipper... maybe it is just the preggo hormones talking, but this "wedding" makes me sad


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## forlovebaby

well, let's see, at my ds's last WBV (6mns) I was told to feed him more solids.


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## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ValarieR* 
I got an email from my love today... he has mailed the power of attny to me. As soon as it arrives, I can go and marry him. Without him being here. Alone. Yippee









I know I should be excited to be his wife, and all of the things I hate about being the girlfriend will go away... but I never thought I would be married this way! He knows it makes me sad, and has promised to throw a big anniversary party, complete with a ring ceremony and vow exchange.

He still hasn't told his mom that we're getting married, or that I am pregnant... nor has he told his CO's! Only his chaplain knows. This is all really weird.

And, after all of this effort, he is supposed to be home this fall, and out of the Army for good by Christmas (he has been stop-lossed; he should have been out already).









Sorry to be less than chipper... maybe it is just the preggo hormones talking, but this "wedding" makes me sad


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## lisa_nc

Awww, Valerie.







A wedding is one day but a good marriage is a lifetime. Love to you, mama.


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## tinaMunoz

Hello everyone,

I'm Christina- new to Mothering, and still semi-new to the natural parenting "movement."







My husband is in the Army, currently deployed to Iraq, and I am living in Germany with our 2 boys. Gabriel is 4.5 and Liam is 6 months old. Being in the military has opened me up to a community of women who understand a lot of the issues I'm facing and can offer their support and friendship. But, past the deployment and single parenting issues, I can't say I have a whole lot in common with many of the women I know. Which is why I'm excited to be here. he he.

Military wives who cloth diaper, homeschool, and breastfeed?







: Now that is the total package.









I'm looking forward to getting to know more about NP and reading about all u amazing ladies!!!

~Christina


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## ~Katie~

Welcome Christina! Mothering is an awesome community and I'm glad that we all can have this resource available to us, I hope you're able to find lots of support here and maybe find some friends in your area


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## gagin37

hi and welcome to the new gals! i have been gone for a few weeks and am just now getting settled back in at home. dh has taken 24 days of leave and we spent the first 2 weeks of it traveling to see our families. we're spending the last week here at home cleaning, gardening, and trying to relax a bit. It will take me forever to get caught up on everyone's posts!


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## ~Katie~

Welcome back, Claire! How did Robbie do with all the traveling? Enjoy this last week of vacation!

Not much to report here for us. DH is on block leave right now. I'm having some issues with early dilation so I'm forcing myself to relax for the next two weeks until I'm in the clear for my homebirth. Baby has been hanging out very low and putting lots of pressure on my cervix but I've been contracting at night for the last few days so I feel like I'm heading toward prodromal labor land (yuck).


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## ValarieR

Thanks for the love, ladies







I'm feeling better- my honey finally told his Mom, and she is actually pretty excited for us (she's a fundie, so we were worried...)!!!

Hope all is well with you... I'll be an Army wife in less than three weeks!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Welcome back, Claire! How did Robbie do with all the traveling? Enjoy this last week of vacation!

Not much to report here for us. DH is on block leave right now. I'm having some issues with early dilation so I'm forcing myself to relax for the next two weeks until I'm in the clear for my homebirth. Baby has been hanging out very low and putting lots of pressure on my cervix but I've been contracting at night for the last few days so I feel like I'm heading toward prodromal labor land (yuck).

he's not the happiest car traveler, i always end up in the back seat with him if we're more than an hour away. he does better now that he's older and can play and see out the window.

hope your babe decides to stay put for a few more weeks!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
he's not the happiest car traveler, i always end up in the back seat with him if we're more than an hour away. he does better now that he's older and can play and see out the window.


Liam was the same way, I spent most of his first year in the back seat with him until he was better with traveling. He was around Robbie's age when he got better with it.


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## LeslieB

Hi. I'm Leslie. I've been a military wife for over 5 years and here at MDC for 3 years, but I don't remember if I ever joined this tribe.
We are currently at the Presidio of Monterey in Cali. My dh is in the Army, and we have one 3 year old son. We are supposed to leave here in a month, but dh doesn't have orders yet. We don't know when he's getting them, but I guess the later, the better, even though I'm VERY anxious to see where we go next. We've already planned a DITY move, and we're moving into our van in less than 2 weeks!! So we have a lot going on.
Anybody have any DITY experience/advice?


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## Maluhia

My input in *BOLD







*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
Should we get Tricare Prime or Standard? We do not do WBV, are non-vaxers, and use a holistic dentist.
*You have to sign up for dental and pay monthly about $5 I think? Make sure your holistic dentist is even covered before bothering.*
We are planning a homebirth/unassisted birth for next baby (and subsequent LOs).
*I'd go prime until you are used to the system, as you won't have a deductible when you go to the ER which is about all the Tricare will cover of these things you have listed.*
We like to see a chiropractor every now and again.
*They might cover this for your DH, but not you or your child.*
We hardly ever see a FP, yearly for physicals and some routine bloodwork for me and DH but that's it. I have some cervical issues that I have to deal with but we don't have insurance right now and I can't find a doctor willing to cooperate with me (and my anxiety) so it hasn't happened yet and will happen once we're on military health insurance, assuming I can find a doctor who gives a sh*t about me.
*The only thing I will say is finding a long-term caring Dr. might be easier on Standard where you can go out and choose your Dr. rather than HAVE to go to the Dr.s in the military/teaching hospitals.*
We're okay with paying some co-pays/out of pocket for our non-mainstream practices but would like as much help from insurance as possible!
*Then maybe Standard but honestly I don't think even Standard will cover non-mainstream things like chiropractors and holistic Dr.s. It's an HMO and it sure acts like it.*

When should we be seeing those first checks? DH is torn because he wants to tell his job that he's joining the Army and will be leaving but knows that as soon as he lets them know they'll fire him. He's going to wait until 2 weeks exactly before the start of BCT. He'd like some time off to spend with us but we can't afford that...we'll have to live off savings until the Army money comes in, and right now we literally have $5.47 in our bank account, and some bills are already overdue, although DH does get paid today, half of his $800 check will be gone by tomorrow after we pay some bills, put gas in the car, buy some groceries, etc.

Is it true DH will get family separation pay as soon as he goes to BCT?

Do we go with him to AIT? I read something about 20 weeks, but do we have to go? I don't want to move twice in a few months time, and I don't want to live in a hotel for a month or so, either. We could probably go month-to-month on our current lease (which is up Sept. 1st) until DH gets his PCS (I think that's what he gets after AIT, right?).
*Only a few AITs have families going along - more often than not you won't be sent via the military.*

If DH wants to be an MP how long of an AIT are we looking at?
*Hard area to get into - need impeccable security clearance, ability to keep your debt low and not be a risk (ie. financial issues, etc.) and the promotions are super hard as there are so many qualified candidates.*

I'm researching and charting the BAH for EVERY base so I can take it with us to the recruiter's office for Tuesday's decision making...it varies so much, it's frustrating! We know we want to live off post and I don't want to live overseas if we can help that at all...but we will go where DH goes, so but for the grace of God go I!
*Living off post can be good for keeping a grip on civilian life BUT there is the downside that in 2 weeks time you have to figure out a town and where you want to live. Make sure to talk on FYT for your area once you know so you don't end up renting a pretty apartment in a so/so area of town. Also - beware that BAH rates are usually $2-400 below what it costs to rent the size/type of house they say it will in a given area. I always budget $300 more than BAH just for rent, and then come utilities. If you have any $ issues or are "just" going to make it on his pay I'd consider living in housing for your first tour or two.*

Any bases we absolutely want to avoid/areas around the bases where DS and I will be living and trying to make friends?

What about unschooling? We can still do it, right? Is it harder/easier/a total PITA? Location dependent? Do I have to submit paperwork to the Army and the state/country we live in or just the Army?
*Just the state/county - nothing to the Army







It can be a PITA based on what state you are in but I will tell you that there are a ton of homeschoolers of all types in the military so you should be just fine.*

What a headache this is all turning out to be...you ladies amaze me with your strength!!!









And DH is definitely an E-3, and shooting for a bachelor's degree (has an assoc. already) as soon as he can get the time to take classes to bump up his rank some more. Spoke to my friend's dad (his dad was an MP, and he was in the Army, and his son...my friend's brother...is also in the Army) said that MPs can move up the ranks quickly. True/not true/depends?
*If he is that close to a Bachelors degree why is he not talking to an officer recruiter about the Army paying to send him to his last year of college and becoming an officer rather than joining enlisted and having to go through 50x the trouble to change to officer? FYI it is NOT in the best interest of his current (enlisted) recruiter to tell him this option exists.*

On a lighter note...decided we're going to give our economical car (a 2001 Kia Rio that I bought my senior year of high school in spring of 2005) to my brother, who's a sophomore in college once money starts coming in.
*Do you have another car you plan on sharing? Do you plan to wake up at 4 a.m. to drop him off for work in the morning?*
We won't need it and he has no car and deserves a break! Can't wait to find a nice, new, clean, quality home (no more apartments!!!) to live in.
*There are a lot of military families living in apartments because that is what BAH affords them, just so you know.*
Where everything works as it should and I feel safe. Can't wait to buy all new furniture and all sorts of nice things we've wanted for a while. And we're going to get a puppy once we are settled!
*It can be hard to be a military family with a pet - just know that you are adding stress. Get stationed in Hawaii? $$$$ and Quarantine, and as my aunt who is a Humane Society volunteer reminds me the biggest non-feral problem for ours and many other Humane Societies near Military bases is abandoned animals from Military families who are leaving and don't have time/$ to take animals and just set them out. So PLEASE get that puppy from a shelter. Also know it is 2x as hard to find rentals in a new town when you are only looking for places that take pets it can be a real burden.*
So proud of my hubby for joining the Army to make life better for us now and in the long term!









To Tatin: if I've learned anything so far it's write to your hubby as much as you can while he's gone! Just write about anything and everything, send him pictures of you and the kids if you can (even printed right on regular paper) just make sure they're wholesome/appropriate. My hubby is already looking forward to our letters when he goes to BCT. Stay positive, we are here for you! I second calling those you owe money to and explaining the situation, I'm sure they'll cut you a break. Call your church, go in the phonebook/online for food banks, call anyone who would be willing/able to help you...you deserve it!!!


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## LinzluvsGJ

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Quick off topic question: When I give birth the baby is automatically covered on insurance for a few days right? I don't have to do anything beforehand?

Baby will be automatically enrolled in prime for 60 days. During that time you need to get the baby enrolled in Deers and decide if you want the baby on prime or standard.


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## LinzluvsGJ

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
Should we get Tricare Prime or Standard? We do not do WBV, are non-vaxers, and use a holistic dentist. We are planning a homebirth/unassisted birth for next baby (and subsequent LOs). We like to see a chiropractor every now and again. We hardly ever see a FP, yearly for physicals and some routine bloodwork for me and DH but that's it. I have some cervical issues that I have to deal with but we don't have insurance right now and I can't find a doctor willing to cooperate with me (and my anxiety) so it hasn't happened yet and will happen once we're on military health insurance, assuming I can find a doctor who gives a sh*t about me. We're okay with paying some co-pays/out of pocket for our non-mainstream practices but would like as much help from insurance as possible!
*We have standard, but only after we had been on prime for a while and decided it wasn't fitting our needs. Because your husband will be enlisted, there isn't a wait period before you could re-enroll in prime like there is with standard for officer's families, so you have more flexibility with moving from station to station. I would recommend starting out on prime at whatever base you start at and if it doesn't meet your needs, THEN switch to standard. There are no copays for MTF (military treatment facilities) under prime or standard, but availability is much less at MTFs for standard patients. Standard is typically seen off base at the doctor of your choosing, but you have to be sure they are an "approved" provider and take Tricare and will take patients for Tricare to cover their portion. I found it easier to stay on prime so I had things covered 100% and available care whenever needed until we had found a doctor who met our needs off base.
Tricare covers approved chiropractic (such as in the case of injury and referral from the physician) for the service member only, not dependants.
Dental care is an additional $5 a month per family member (there is a cap based off rank per month I believe on how much you have to pay) and pays out a considerably good portion of dental care. If you want a certain dentist and want to wait and see before enrolling, find out if they take United Concordia/Tricare dental first. It is something that we have found invaluable, however, because most oral surgeries and emergency dental care is only covered under the dental insurance, not Tricare as a whole. When my daughter fell and broke her tooth in half at age 2 and we needed to be seen right away to determine if something needed done, it was invaluable to have that coverage right then, not have to pay a specialist out of pocket.
Tricare will cover a homebirth with a Certified Nurse Midwife (not LM, not CPM). They will also cover all prenatal and postpartum care either on base (no charge) or off base on standard (a VERY low copay), delivery at approved hospitals, and at approved birthing centers. So where you seek your prenatal care even assuming you do an Unassisted birth, and where you would go if you had an emergency during delivery or postpartum factors in whether you would want to do prime or standard as well.*

When should we be seeing those first checks?
*Typically the first payperiod after he has started, though I will caution you that sometimes it does take 2 payperiods for them to get everything worked out (like we dealt with when my husband was at OTS). Payday is on the 1st and 15th of each month.*

Do we go with him to AIT? I read something about 20 weeks, but do we have to go? I don't want to move twice in a few months time, and I don't want to live in a hotel for a month or so, either. We could probably go month-to-month on our current lease (which is up Sept. 1st) until DH gets his PCS (I think that's what he gets after AIT, right?).
*You don't have to, no. I've done the hotel thing and it does suck, but was nice getting to see my husband not be completely seperated during that time. You could always go and visit during the schooling if you wanted to and get billeting during that time on base.*

I'm researching and charting the BAH for EVERY base so I can take it with us to the recruiter's office for Tuesday's decision making...it varies so much, it's frustrating! We know we want to live off post and I don't want to live overseas if we can help that at all...but we will go where DH goes, so but for the grace of God go I!
*BAH is set by the standard of living in the area which is why it varies by base. It doesn't make one base better than another, just tries to meet market pricing for rentals off base if necessary (and completely covers base housing no matter where you go). It can most definately fall short, however, for the area which you should be aware of because that extra cost will come out of your paycheck each month-- we pay about $300 over our BAH just for renting here in Albuquerque to live in a home that fit us in a decent area, plus our utilities. Since we still own our home in Ohio that we purchased while stationed there and it isn't currently rented, we are paying not only double BAH but about $500 over that each month.... which means our savings and ability to pay for things in general has suffered the last 7 months by quite a bit.
Living on base really isn't that bad-- we didn't have any problem with it at our first station (we lived on base the first two years, then purchased because the market was good and there is a good chance we will return to that base w/ my DH's job and it's a good rental property in the meantime). Right now we're on the waiting list to get onto base... it will save us a lot of money and a long commute. That is something to consider-- there isn't always a nice place to live close to the base outside the gates. A lot of bases are surrounded by pretty run down, and sometimes very crime-ridden areas meaning you have to go much further out to find somewhere nice to live meaning a long commute, gas spent driving back and forth, etc.*

What about unschooling? We can still do it, right? Is it harder/easier/a total PITA? Location dependent?
*We are homeschooling and it hasn't been a problem. Our current base even has a homeschool support group! A lot of military families homeschool because of the frequent moves so it's not something you'll likely have an issue with. You report based off state laws, so I just find it helpful to maintain a portfolio even if the state we're in doesn't require it for in the future when we move again (like right now in NM I'm not required to, but when we were in Ohio, it would have been required) so it makes bumps in the road less likely. I actually find it less of a PITA to homeschool than try to get my daughter into school w/ moving. We had a school we would have loved in Ohio that used a lot of montessori concepts, very low class ratio, affordable... here in NM we can't afford the schools like that, especially w/ 3 kids being in school by the time we leave in a few years. The charter schools you have to go based on lottery and are all over the city and require months in advance applications... it just isn't practical for us to do it that way.*

And DH is definitely an E-3, and shooting for a bachelor's degree (has an assoc. already) as soon as he can get the time to take classes to bump up his rank some more. Spoke to my friend's dad (his dad was an MP, and he was in the Army, and his son...my friend's brother...is also in the Army) said
that MPs can move up the ranks quickly. True/not true/depends?
*Based on that information, he should also speak with an officer recruiter, honestly. If he is wanting to move up in rank and plans to finish his bachelor's right away, it could be very beneficial to you and a lot easier to start out that route than try to change later.*

Can't wait to buy all new furniture and all sorts of nice things we've wanted for a while.
*Sorry...that made me giggle. I don't think we've bought much brand new stuff since my husband joined and he's been in 5 years now! We still buy used (military community is actually great for buying nice stuff used since some people don't want to haul things around from base to base or get stationed overseas for a while lol). For us the high point I guess was getting out of overwhelming debt from college and such prior to the military. It is most definitely nice having a reliable budget, though!!*

The military life is such a huge transition, but it's an acquired taste. I've had to adjust to my husband traveling on short trips (1-2 weeks) and longer classes (3-4 months). A couple great books that I found helpful:
"Today's Military Wife" by Lydia Sloane Cline
"Heros at Home" by Ellie Kay (and really anything by Ellie Kay...she's a great author! a military wife and dedicated to helping families, especially military families, save money)


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## LeslieB

I also wanted to throw out Solo-Ops by Hilary Martin as another good book for military wives.


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## leosmommy

.


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## Bel

I have been on this forum for ages, but this is my first time posting. I live in Northeast Iowa right now. Last year we lived in Chicago and before that London, UK. Now we are living in the area I was born in believe it or not.

Anyway, my husband came over here for his job, but after a year they pulled out of their international expansion and offered him his job back in London. There's no way we want to go back to the UK so we moved somewhere cheap and he tried to work for himself doing freelance copywriting (he had something that was supposed to go into Mothering, but I guess they never commissioned it because it should have been in by now). That's not really going as well as he had hoped so he's been looking for work. He almost got a job a few weeks ago and we realized his visa had expired and we still hadn't received his green card!

Well, a couple weeks ago he brought up joining the army. He's talked about it before. About how he wishes he had done it when he was younger. His mom totally coddled him and he really can't look after himself. Lord knows what he would do if I died and he had to take care of our girls on his own. I thought the notion would pass, but he's spoken to a recruiter, received info through the mail, taken a mock ASVAB (he got 96) and is training so that he can pass the physical (he's a bit overweight, but thinks he is clinically obese for some reason). He's even gone onto 3 meals a day with no snacks to condition himself for training! So I guess he's really gonna do this!

If you read the stuff from the Army, it all makes it sounds wonderful and like it's totally worth it for all the bonuses and benefits. But everything I have looked up about being an army WIFE says that it's basically crap. It's really hard and life really sucks.

Someone tell me something good about it! I mean, I figured it was going to be a rough lot, but I thought I'd go online and people would be like, "yeah, there's this list of good points about it that makes up for the crappy bits". But according to all websites it's just rubbish.

Gulp.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bel* 
Someone tell me something good about it! I mean, I figured it was going to be a rough lot, but I thought I'd go online and people would be like, "yeah, there's this list of good points about it that makes up for the crappy bits". But according to all websites it's just rubbish.

Gulp.

Dh is AF, but for us, the only plus right now is job/financial security for at least the next couple years. Other than that.... meh







Neither of us is very happy with our situation.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
Dh is AF, but for us, the only plus right now is job/financial security for at least the next couple years. Other than that.... meh







Neither of us is very happy with our situation.

Army here, but yeah I have to agree with this. It can be very hard and you have to keep a positive/open mind a lot of the time just as a coping mechanism. It is nice having job security and financial stability at times but in reality it doesn't replace a lot of the crap we've had to go through. You can't really put a price on family and all of the important things that go along with it as a trade-off, at least I can't.


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## ~Katie~

Tricky tricare question -

I'm still on the search for a new doctor for DS and new baby to be. We have a naturopath but because of the licensing procedures here in NC they cannot give prescriptions. I'm trying to find a backup doctor, and have found several who will work in conjunction with our ND but have been given several reasons as to why we can't use them. One being that because we have Tricare, and they cannot accept Tricare, they would be committing fraud by accepting payments in cash from us and not billing our insurance. Has anybody been through this before? One doctor I spoke to said its normally not a problem for people with insurance to pay out of pocket but that this is a specific issue with Tricare.


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## bubbamummy

Hi ladies, please may I join your tribe? I am sophie, English mummy to Samuel who is 14months and wife to my American Airman. We met while he was stationed in the UK and I had my DS while in England too. We moved here to Tucson, Az last July









Some info on us: I had a wonderful med free birth with a midwife in the UK, we co-slept for the 1st year and I 100% pumped also for the 1st year (hideous stupid BFing issues







) we delay/selectively vaccinate and much to my husbands families disgust my DS is intact


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## marimara

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bel* 

If you read the stuff from the Army, it all makes it sounds wonderful and like it's totally worth it for all the bonuses and benefits. But everything I have looked up about being an army WIFE says that it's basically crap. It's really hard and life really sucks.

Someone tell me something good about it! I mean, I figured it was going to be a rough lot, but I thought I'd go online and people would be like, "yeah, there's this list of good points about it that makes up for the crappy bits". But according to all websites it's just rubbish.

Gulp.

Well I wanted to chime in here since I've got 10 years as a AF Spouse and 4 years Active Duty under my belt.

It's not easy for sure. But compared to outside jobs and benefits, there's no question. Of course, I'm sure you've read all about the benefits but I'll go over the big ones again that mean the most to us.

Health benefits: Civilian health care costs sooo much. It's FREE! It's not perfect and it's not always great but it's FREE. (If you have Tricare Prime that is







)

Tax free shopping on base/post: This saves an average family 30% at every grocery bill. I've checked it, it's true.

The community: You will always have a built-in support network wherever you go.

Travel: How else can you travel the world for free? Make that, get PAID to travel the world. You can fly on a "hop" anywhere in the world, Also called "Space A " travel. There are numerous military cottages, resorts, and cabins all over the world.

Guaranteed paycheck. As long as you don't mess up.

Pension: What other job is going to give a monthly pension and health benefits (for a nominal charge) after only 20 years? None that I've heard of. We've been in 13 years, got 7 more to go, then we're free! Oh, we'll be 39! Pension and health bennies at 39! Since we have no other debt and will own a house outright we won't have to get full time fancy jobs. The simple life. You can save TONS of $$ in the military if done right. Start early, SAVE! Save every promotion, act like you are still the lower rank, spending wise.

Leave: What other job gives you 30 days PAID vacation time the first year on the job? Again, none that I've heard of. Of course this is Air Force stuff, but my brother is in the Army and it seems pretty similar.

Relocation: They come and pack your stuff up and move it for FREE! and they unpack it when you get there!

College: while active duty college tuition and books are 100% Free, the GI Bill can now be passed down to children in the AF. That means dh will get his Masters free and still have roughly $40k to give our dd for college.
--------------------------------------------------
Ok, now the bad stuff:

Deployments: They suck. They really do, we all hate them. Make sure your marriage is strong. Get involved in the unit. Stay connected. Write letters, send care packages, talk on the webcam, email, whatever you can do.

Last minute phone calls, and other BS from the unit. No job is perfect but the military is the best choice for us.

I agree that family time can't be given back. It's precious. We make it work. My dh will retire when dd is 9 years old. That's when we all get to be together almost 100% of the time since neither of us will require a full time job since we've been saving ever since 1998.

So that's my story. If you can make it work, it's great. It's all a big balance, as in anything.


----------



## nia82

It's now been a year that we are in the AF. Tricare was ok so far. However, we are PCSing (I'm in Europe with my folks right now while DH is on a TDY in AL) currently and will arrive mid-May at our new base (FE Warren, WY). I'M anxious about the pediatrician there. If she throws a fit because of vaxxing, I will have to look off-base for docs, however, not too many docs contract with Tricare.

This time we will do base housing for the gorgeous brick houses. If I don't like it, we'll move off-base. I have no experience with base-living or the community so far as we were in a student squadron with people changing every 6 weeks in CA. They were nice though, mostly. Just nobody shared my parenting style, all 'mainstream', one mom even spanked her kids and thought that's ok.









So far it's been not bad. I only have issues with Tricare. Sure I'm happy that ER and so on is for free, but being European that's nothing new to me. I'M unhappy about the birth choices (or lack thereof), that no hollistic docs are Tricare covered, etc. I hope we will be sent to Germany one day cause I can just check in with German healthcare for me and the kiddos







Chances are slim though with DH's specialty.


----------



## bubbamummy

Tricare called me last week for putting Sam at 'undue risk' for choosing to aviod some of their insane vaccinations.

I have found that they will foot the bill to deliver at the Tucson Birthing center, which is cool







My friend had both of her babies there


----------



## Maluhia

Bleh. undue risk might BE VACCINATING is what I'd say back. Silly HMOs.

I'm doing well going through our current deployment although I've realized that I need to be on antidepressants but only on sea tours, I can manage without for the most part on shore tours. Sad reality of the stress of this life.


----------



## KarlaC

Any of you at Bragg have a pediatrician you can recommend? I'm not planning on using the on post dr's at all & Cape Fear would really like me to have a ped set up before the birth.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 
Any of you at Bragg have a pediatrician you can recommend? I'm not planning on using the on post dr's at all & Cape Fear would really like me to have a ped set up before the birth.

Wish I could, cause I really don't like our ped on base.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 
Any of you at Bragg have a pediatrician you can recommend? I'm not planning on using the on post dr's at all & Cape Fear would really like me to have a ped set up before the birth.

If you're willing to travel I can give you several recommendations in Cary or Raleigh. At this point there are very few if any doctors that accept Tricare who are accepting patients that I would personally want to go to, I'm currently paying out of pocket for everything.


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
If you're willing to travel I can give you several recommendations in Cary or Raleigh. At this point there are very few if any doctors that accept Tricare who are accepting patients that I would personally want to go to, I'm currently paying out of pocket for everything.

That'd work. I have a list from the hospital I just haven't called any of them yet.


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## meganbarr

Bel-

In my opinion there are LOTS of great benefits to being a military wife. The biggest one for me has been finding out how strong I actually am. DH and I married young so I went from living with my family to living with my husband. I have always been dependant one someone else, however, as a miltary spouse I have gotten to see how independant I can be. The separations have been REALLY hard, but they have been an amazing growing experience for me.

In the current economy, I am so greatful that DH is guarenteed to keep his job and health care benfits. I dont have to worry about us waking up tomorrow in financial peril.

I also love the fact that if we dont like where we are living, its ok because we arent going to have to stay forever. Living different places is even better than traveling because you get to live somewhere and truly learn about the culture there. Even moving around the US has been a great learning experience for me.

Of course there are all the other benefits that the recruiter will tell you about, so I wont bore you with those. However, would like to point out that EVERYONE complains about their jobs and most wives complain about the time their DHs spend at work regardless of them being in the military or not. Like everything else in life, you can choose to look at the negative aspects (and its easy because they will always be there) or choose to look at the positive aspects and be happy. Maybe Im nieve but I think that most of the time happiness is a choice!


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## Bel

THANK YOU for saying something positive about being an army wife! My husband is just waiting for his green card to come (it got sent back to Texas and couldn't be located for ages, but is meant to be here by the end of next week) and then he's going to go see a recruiter.

Surprisingly actually, all the bad things people have to say about it haven't phased me. I've found most of the bad things are said by people who only have 2nd or 3rd hand experience of it. My friend's husband is at his 2nd round of training (the one where they train for their job. There's too many acronyms!) and she seems to be happy with things. I met her because I was her doula. She hired me because her husband graduated Basic training ON her due date and I remember feeling SOOO sorry for her. Now I will be in the same boat! Irony.

So yeah, the bad comments haven't phased me much. We kind of tend to just jump into things whole hearted. We almost went to Asia for my husbands last job. At first I was weary, but after 10 minutes I was just like, "Yeah. Let's do it. It'll be a new experience". And everything since we've just taken the same attitude about. Plus, I lived on an army base in Germany when I was little so it's not completely new to me.

I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope he doesn't get stationed in Alaska though. I'll cry. I hate the cold!


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## Bel

Oh, and I agree about never seeing your husband. Right now my husband is in corporate work and he HATES it. It makes him so unhappy. When we lived in London, we made nearly 80k one year, but in the end all we had to show for it was 10k on our credit card and 1 hour a day for my girls to see their daddy.


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## MangoMommy

I've been a Navy wife for over 14 yrs and I love it. I've (and the kids!) got to live in some pretty awesome places. Right now we are in Hawaii, it's incredible. Before this was the coast of Maine, Italy, Florida, all over the place! All on the Navy's dime.







It makes it much easier to travel when you are already there LOL! And I'm happy with the different cultural and historical experiences that my children are getting. I grew up in Ohio and hardly left the state until we moved when I was in high school. I'm happy my kids are having the opposite childhood...they've been to so many states, seen things many people don't see in this lifetime (like flowing lava from an active volcano,etc) and experienced different cultures/food,etc.

There are many positives!


----------



## ValarieR

I marry my soldier in less than four days







I'm starting to get a little excited, even though this whole non-traditional thing is still weird for me









Hope you ladies are having a great week!
Valarie


----------



## crazyeight

DH boards his flight on his way to Bagrum this morning.







Very dissapointed about other things. We're getting divorced when he gets back in Sept. He didn't even spend the last day with his kids. So very sad. I had hoped for better out of this life. I don't even think we'll hear from him but a handful of times.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dhinderliter* 
DH boards his flight on his way to Bagrum this morning.







Very dissapointed about other things. We're getting divorced when he gets back in Sept. He didn't even spend the last day with his kids. So very sad. I had hoped for better out of this life. I don't even think we'll hear from him but a handful of times.

















I'm so sorry. If there's anything you need you or if you just need a shoulder don't hesitate to PM me.


----------



## meganbarr

So I have this crazy idea....

I just wanted to see what you ladies would think about it. I am currently working on my bachelors of nursing degree and then I would like to go to midwifery school. When I am finished, I am going to have a TON of debt. I recently met a woman who commisioned in the Navy to pay off her student loans. My DH is currently active duty air force, so I looked into officer medical jobs in the af and they actually have CNMs! I talked to DH and he is all for it, but Im just wondering if any of you other mama's knew any other dual military families. We only have one child and dont plan to have any more and my husband is a GREAT father who I know would be more than capable of taking care of her if Im away. Also, how would things work with me being an officer and him being enlisted?


----------



## MangoMommy

DH says you can go in officer if he's already enlisted. At least in the Navy it's ok. They don't make him get out or anything.

Good luck!


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
So I have this crazy idea....

I just wanted to see what you ladies would think about it. I am currently working on my bachelors of nursing degree and then I would like to go to midwifery school. When I am finished, I am going to have a TON of debt. I recently met a woman who commisioned in the Navy to pay off her student loans. My DH is currently active duty air force, so I looked into officer medical jobs in the af and they actually have CNMs! I talked to DH and he is all for it, but Im just wondering if any of you other mama's knew any other dual military families. We only have one child and dont plan to have any more and my husband is a GREAT father who I know would be more than capable of taking care of her if Im away. Also, how would things work with me being an officer and him being enlisted?

Not a bad idea at all, I do believe if you have kids you must have a concrete plan in place showing who will take care of them in the event you're both deployed though fwiw.

Dh & his ex wife were both military at the same time & that was a req. for them, still is for her since she's air force & single with dh being AD also.


----------



## marimara

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
So I have this crazy idea....

I just wanted to see what you ladies would think about it. I am currently working on my bachelors of nursing degree and then I would like to go to midwifery school. When I am finished, I am going to have a TON of debt. I recently met a woman who commisioned in the Navy to pay off her student loans. My DH is currently active duty air force, so I looked into officer medical jobs in the af and they actually have CNMs! I talked to DH and he is all for it, but Im just wondering if any of you other mama's knew any other dual military families. We only have one child and dont plan to have any more and my husband is a GREAT father who I know would be more than capable of taking care of her if Im away. Also, how would things work with me being an officer and him being enlisted?

Both my and dh were in the AF at the same time a long time ago, before kids. Now he is just in. We know several dual military families, including some enlisted/officer combos. It is challenging for sure, but the base has many things to offer in the way of child care, activities, youth center, etc. Being both enlisted/officer you just have to be careful about mixing your social circles that's all. It's not really a big deal. You do have to have family care plan as to who will care for your child when you are away. Its your dh in a job that he will deploy or TDY too? If so, then you might want to have some family live near you so that your kids has a place to go in case both of your are gone. We know people who are both military (AF, enlisted) and they do have complications that sometimes other coworkers frown upon. Like for instance, she won't ever come in before 6am since she can't drop off her kids at child development before then. Even though she's not really allowed to do that. You're supposed to have a plan for all the time. That is the biggest challenge. As well as your child missing both his parents! I have thought about going back in but this time as an officer now that I have a BS. But I have literally NO ONE who could help out with child and home care if were were both away, and dh is gone often, so.....Well, good luck with whatever you choose!


----------



## crazyeight

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 







I'm so sorry. If there's anything you need you or if you just need a shoulder don't hesitate to PM me.

thank you. i have liked the military lifestyle and its all i've ever known so it's going to be very very weird to not have access to the base any time i want. we've never pcs'd so that is actually something i was actually wanting to do! it's going to be a difficult summer but i think the hardest time is the next month or so. not only adjusting to no dad but also comeing to terms with everything. i don't even think dh got me a general POA.







: i was considering refi'ing the house since rates are at least a whole % lower than ours is. now i can't do that b/c i have no "income".

i know a dual milt. family. they are constantly working. i feel so sorry that the wife spends almost 12 hours a day working or dropping off kids and then spends her weekends never resting! i know they both like their jobs and don't want to give them up but i am in AWE of her especially.


----------



## impromptukiss

hey ladies! i'm new to the thread.









dh is navy & he's on shore durty right now here in denver.







we were in virginia for 4.5 years, so it's a nice change!

off to read through the thread!


----------



## impromptukiss

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dhinderliter* 
DH boards his flight on his way to Bagrum this morning.







Very dissapointed about other things. We're getting divorced when he gets back in Sept. He didn't even spend the last day with his kids. So very sad. I had hoped for better out of this life. I don't even think we'll hear from him but a handful of times.









i'm so sorry danielle.


----------



## sapphire_chan

dh just swore into the National Guard today.

He graduates from college May 10 and his first drill weekend is the 16th.

Then he goes to basic in July. For his area, MOS?, it'll be 16 weeks total.

He's been working really hard, but is color blind and can't do half the stuff he wants to do.







But he's been told that for officers that doesn't matter so much and that what he does while he's enlisted won't necessarily dictate what he does if/when he gets commissioned (his longer term plan.)

He's also heard that there's ROTC for masters degrees?

Meanwhile, he needs a civilian job too. But isn't sure about trying to apply for a job and saying "but I'll be gone for 4 months in a few weeks." Any experience, suggestions?

Um... yeah, so I'm feeling a bit clueless and look forward to reading about this.


----------



## ~Katie~

Hi and welcome








My DH is currently an officer with the National Guard on active duty orders. He was a reservist prior to commissioning while he was in college. I highlighted my answers in bold, if you have any more questions feel free to ask away!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 







dh just swore into the National Guard today.

He graduates from college May 10 and his first drill weekend is the 16th.

Then he goes to basic in July. For his area, MOS?, it'll be 16 weeks total.
*What is his MOS going to be?*

He's been working really hard, but is color blind and can't do half the stuff he wants to do.







But he's been told that for officers that doesn't matter so much and that what he does while he's enlisted won't necessarily dictate what he does if/when he gets commissioned (his longer term plan.)
*This is true, the only thing he really couldn't do is be a pilot as far as I know. Once he becomes an officer his job is going to depend more on what the Army needs rather than what he did prior to commissioning, but prior to commissioning he'll be able to rank his preferences of what he'd like to branch. It depends on a number of factors like GPA, what activities he's involved in, PT score, etc. If he chooses to become an NG officer rather than active duty, he can choose his branch if he can find a unit that needs a slot filled. Definitely advise him to research all branches if he decides to go active duty to see what everything is like.*

He's also heard that there's ROTC for masters degrees?
*There is ROTC for masters degrees, I think the Army may actually pay for college if he does it but I don't know much about it. If he hasn't talked to an ROTC recruiter yet I strongly advise that he do so because they will be able to tell him a lot more. My DH used to be an ROTC recruiter so I can try and answer some questions as well.*

Meanwhile, he needs a civilian job too. But isn't sure about trying to apply for a job and saying "but I'll be gone for 4 months in a few weeks." Any experience, suggestions?
*It may be hard to find a job, it would definitely need to be something he needs to set up in advance but there may be employers willing to work with him.*

Um... yeah, so I'm feeling a bit clueless and look forward to reading about this.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
I talked to DH and he is all for it, but Im just wondering if any of you other mama's knew any other dual military families. We only have one child and dont plan to have any more and my husband is a GREAT father who I know would be more than capable of taking care of her if Im away. Also, how would things work with me being an officer and him being enlisted?

We're dual military. We've both been in 10+ years and have been married for over 5. I love it, but I can't imagine being married to a civilian.

The officer/enlisted thing doesn't matter, since you were married prior to being commissioned. The pay is GREAT, we make bank.

You will have to have a family care plan, the same as single soldiers with children. It just covers who will care for your child if you are both deployed at the same time.

The bad will be in my next post...







:


----------



## Sarah W

So, I've been absent from here for a while...because I'm deployed. I'm in Afghanistan, down in Kandahar. I left on 13 Mar and arrived in country on the 16th. Spent two days in Baghram and finally got to KAF!

I'm here for a year, but I'll get 2 weeks R&R sometime.

Things are OK, it's hard to be away from home. DD is 7 1/2 months old. She just got two teeth and can sit up by herself one you sit her up. She looks so different from the last time I saw her. DH is still in Key West and he's doing a fantastic job of taking care of DD.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Hi and welcome








My DH is currently an officer with the National Guard on active duty orders. He was a reservist prior to commissioning while he was in college. I highlighted my answers in bold, if you have any more questions feel free to ask away!

Thanks!

His MOS is laundry. In driving distance of Indianapolis (he'll be up in Fort Wayne) the two things he could've possibly done were infantry (his first choice) and that (both critical functions). Only he can't tell the difference between a red light and a white light. It's really sad, he got the 99th percentile for his ASVAB, can do 100 push-ups without much effort, and runs TWO miles in 15 minutes. If not for his eyes he could do literally anything.

Yay that he only couldn't be a pilot as an officer.


----------



## sapphire_chan

New question, how do you all keep track of all the papers? Just found out *we're* expected to keep track of all his documentation and paper management is my worst organization area.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
One being that because we have Tricare, and they cannot accept Tricare, they would be committing fraud by accepting payments in cash from us and not billing our insurance.

Bull. We pay out of pocket for all medical care because we don't have any insurance. If you're willing/able to pay the bill yourself your insurance shouldn't matter at all.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Bull. We pay out of pocket for all medical care because we don't have any insurance. If you're willing/able to pay the bill yourself your insurance shouldn't matter at all.

I've pretty much given up on that doctor's office. Their billing person refuses to speak to me on the phone so I think they just don't want to take patients who pay out of pocket. I spoke with Tricare and they told me the same thing, that paying out of pocket has nothing to do with Tricare and isn't against the law or illegal in any way.

As for organizing papers, we organize everything in a filing cabinet. I never throw anything out because we may end up needing it at some point down the road so I just try to keep it all as organized as possible. You tend to get the same things over and over so I try to organize either by date or type of document (like if its related to travel).

Have they told him anything about deployments and when he should expect to deploy?


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Have they told him anything about deployments and when he should expect to deploy?

Nope. Only that he'll be doing things up in Fort Wayne, IN (I don't know what the military facility (post?) is called up there). He's doing reserves not active duty though so that might be different?

I think he might be interested in active duty, but I don't want to move a lot. OTOH, all the talk about living in different countries and different parts of the U.S. sounds kind of cool--except we have cats and I suck at meeting new people.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I've pretty much given up on that doctor's office. Their billing person refuses to speak to me on the phone so I think they just don't want to take patients who pay out of pocket.

Probably. And if they're going to be like that, unprofessional, they don't deserve your business.







: that you find a good solution soon!


----------



## tryingforbaby

Hi mommas

Hubby is looking at re-enlisting into the Army within the next 6 months. In terms of preperation. What do you suggest I start working on now.... He's working on getting back to the awsome shape he was (I think he still is... men!) so that he can beat his last PT test. I am working on paying off debt and building a emergency fund. I am thinking that I should be building a moving fund. How much does it normaly cost when you move? My SIL told me to pay down only and put a good 5,000 or more in a moving fund so I don't have to charge much of anything. Does this sound right? Any extra money can then pay off the cc's.

Thanks!


----------



## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tryingforbaby* 
Hi mommas

Hubby is looking at re-enlisting into the Army within the next 6 months. In terms of preperation. What do you suggest I start working on now.... He's working on getting back to the awsome shape he was (I think he still is... men!) so that he can beat his last PT test. I am working on paying off debt and building a emergency fund. I am thinking that I should be building a moving fund. How much does it normaly cost when you move? My SIL told me to pay down only and put a good 5,000 or more in a moving fund so I don't have to charge much of anything. Does this sound right? Any extra money can then pay off the cc's.

Thanks!

Its always better to have a good moving fund saved up. The movers pack, move, and unpack everything for you but there can be alot of out of pocket expenses. If there is no housing available where you move then you have to pay all the deposits and first months rent...the army pays BAH for rent but all the deposits are out of your pocket. Plus they pay nothing for pets...no transportation costs even. Also when you get to your new duty station you will have to pay for lodging until you find a place to live. Alot of things are reimbursed later but having a moving fund will make the move alot less stressful. You can always pay off the cc's after being reimbursed...this way no more debt added on.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
New question, how do you all keep track of all the papers? Just found out *we're* expected to keep track of all his documentation and paper management is my worst organization area.


I let dh be responsible for all his mess of papers, and I do mean MESS! Since I don't know what any of them are for, I don't try to keep track of them (and he doesn't ask me to). He piles stuff up and inevitably loses things he needs.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Ergh. He's going to need a medical waiver to get to be an officer with his color blindness. Since it's apparently a difficult fight, any ideas of things he can do now to start that process?


----------



## meganbarr

Have any of you ladies been to Nellis AFB? DH is looking into applying for special duty as Red Horse there. Im not sure how I feel about it, but I have family in Las Vegas so that would be nice. Also, I am a full time student, so how would I go about finding out if my credits will transfer?


----------



## lalemma

Hiya mamas,

I'm pregnant with my first and married to an Army Reservist. Our insurance is through Tricare Reserve Select. I'm trying to figure out if Tricare will help with the cost of a home birth with a CNM. This is in Los Angeles, and the Tricare website shows the closest network midwives to be in Oceanside. I'm not expecting full coverage, but anything that would offset the 4k would help! Will it depend on the specific midwife? Should I just call everyone I can find who offers homebirths in LA and ask if they take Tricare?

Any ideas? I'm trying to get informed before I talk to the Tricare folks.









Thanks!


----------



## mbhf

Tricare paid for my homebirths in NY, I was on Prime Remote, I don't know anything about Reserve Select but I assume they are at least somewhat similar. If you are using a CNM, I would think you could get it paid for. My MW had to bill differently, she usually bills the whole cost at once, but tricare only paid $1400 (of $5500) for the actual birth. The rest was (mostly) paid by her billing for individual visits, they paid $2-300 for each visit. The actual numbers vary by location though, so mine are just examples.


----------



## Soul-O

Hi Mamas:

I'm happy to be back amongst you after about a month's absence. We are settled in now at Ft. Lewis, and were lucky enough to get nice housing without a wait at neighboring McChord AFB. McChord is so clean and quiet compared to Lewis, and the neighborhood is really terrific. My boys made immediate friends, and I'm branching out a bit to make some pals of my own! My DH was assigned to a brand new brigade that is supposed to be developed, organized, and off to the war within 12 months of inception, so he's been working late nights since we arrived. I don't expect to see much of him while he is in garrison, which will be hard on the kids (who were without him for four months while he was at MIBOLC). Compounding our troubles is my autoimmune disorder, which has returned after a period of remission. I could use some help with the kids, but it doesn't look as though it will be forthcoming. Sigh... at least the scenery is gorgeous, and there's lots to do around here!

Re: Tricare

The Tricare office in this area is really pushing Prime patients out into the community, so we were able to chose a super-crunchy practice that is very non or selective vax friendly, does house calls, has a lactation consultant on staff, and even has therapy dogs walking around (thanks to Aloha Melly for the recommendation!). The best news is that Tricare covers the visits with this practice 100%.

Off to take care of a little one in need - will catch up with everyone later!


----------



## kirstenb

Haven't posted here in a bit but just checking in with everyone. We are doing well here, DH has a month left in his recruit cycle and then he will have 2 weeks off before another cycle starts. Not much of a break since he will be spending most of that time preparing for the next one!

I had to switch to Tricare Standard to use the birth center we are using which I'm not too happy about but it was either that or pay out of pocket which we couldn't afford right now.


----------



## marimara

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hi Mamas:

I'm happy to be back amongst you after about a month's absence. We are settled in now at Ft. Lewis, and were lucky enough to get nice housing without a wait at neighboring McChord AFB. McChord is so clean and quiet compared to Lewis, and the neighborhood is really terrific. My boys made immediate friends, and I'm branching out a bit to make some pals of my own! My DH was assigned to a brand new brigade that is supposed to be developed, organized, and off to the war within 12 months of inception, so he's been working late nights since we arrived. I don't expect to see much of him while he is in garrison, which will be hard on the kids (who were without him for four months while he was at MIBOLC). Compounding our troubles is my autoimmune disorder, which has returned after a period of remission. I could use some help with the kids, but it doesn't look as though it will be forthcoming. Sigh... at least the scenery is gorgeous, and there's lots to do around here!

Re: Tricare

The Tricare office in this area is really pushing Prime patients out into the community, so we were able to chose a super-crunchy practice that is very non or selective vax friendly, does house calls, has a lactation consultant on staff, and even has therapy dogs walking around (thanks to Aloha Melly for the recommendation!). The best news is that Tricare covers the visits with this practice 100%.

Off to take care of a little one in need - will catch up with everyone later!


I just found out that my brother is getting stationed at Fort Lewis, he is supposed to arrive in August. He's just getting out of basic and AIT. He's excited, he's never been to Washington!


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## justKate

Hi mamas. I haven't posted here in a while, but wanted to say hello. Huz is in the Coast Guard and I'm going back to work on Monday, so I took DD to see the CDC where she'll be going during the day. Not sure how its going to work out, but our rotation date is this summer so it won't be for long.... Its going to kill me to leave her there on Monday!

*Sarah W*, we're also in Key West. Does your DD happen to go to the CDC?


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## DoulamamaOE

Hi All!
I'm Nessa, DH is a Marine Corps reserve and we're going active Navy sometime this month (hopefully, I'll believe it when it happens)

I am so glad I found this! I have NO AP friends, they are all mainstream and I'm the "hippie" so it's great to talk to likeminded military wives!!

We're in Oak Harbor WA now, but my DH is going to be a Nuke so we'll be going to South Carolina for his schooling. Anyone there, or ever been there with some wisdom for me?


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hi Mamas:

I'm happy to be back amongst you after about a month's absence. We are settled in now at Ft. Lewis, and were lucky enough to get nice housing without a wait at neighboring McChord AFB. McChord is so clean and quiet compared to Lewis, and the neighborhood is really terrific. My boys made immediate friends, and I'm branching out a bit to make some pals of my own! My DH was assigned to a brand new brigade that is supposed to be developed, organized, and off to the war within 12 months of inception, so he's been working late nights since we arrived. I don't expect to see much of him while he is in garrison, which will be hard on the kids (who were without him for four months while he was at MIBOLC). Compounding our troubles is my autoimmune disorder, which has returned after a period of remission. I could use some help with the kids, but it doesn't look as though it will be forthcoming. Sigh... at least the scenery is gorgeous, and there's lots to do around here!

Re: Tricare

The Tricare office in this area is really pushing Prime patients out into the community, so we were able to chose a super-crunchy practice that is very non or selective vax friendly, does house calls, has a lactation consultant on staff, and even has therapy dogs walking around (thanks to Aloha Melly for the recommendation!). The best news is that Tricare covers the visits with this practice 100%.

Off to take care of a little one in need - will catch up with everyone later!

Welcome to the area! I'm glad you are happy with the Pediatrics place. I have some friends who aren't happy there anymore, but I've had nothing but good experiences.

I like McChord. I've been going over there for the commissary lately because I'm guaranteed to get the expectant mother's spot!


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Hi mamas. I haven't posted here in a while, but wanted to say hello. Huz is in the Coast Guard and I'm going back to work on Monday, so I took DD to see the CDC where she'll be going during the day. Not sure how its going to work out, but our rotation date is this summer so it won't be for long.... Its going to kill me to leave her there on Monday!

*Sarah W*, we're also in Key West. Does your DD happen to go to the CDC?

Yep! She's in the infant room right now. I wasn't too thrilled with leaving her in the beginning, but I'm really happy with the CDC so far. They really encourage a variety of activities for the children, I like that they go on daily walks. I really like the teachers and they really seem to love her.

When I was in the US, she only went 5-6 days a month, but now she's there daily because it's only DH taking care of her. I'm glad that she has that type of place to go to.

Before I enrolled her, I sat right in the entrance (in the couches to the left once you walk inside) and watched families come in during the morning. The children all seemed excited and the lady at the counter knew almost every child's name.

DH said she had water day a couple days ago, and he took her in her little swimsuit. I'm still waiting for the pics.


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## ~Katie~

I'm sorry I'm getting this started a little late. Welcome again to all the newcomers!

DH left yesterday







: I still can't believe he's gone, I feel like I'm living somebody else's life right now. I've had lots of start and stop labor for about a week and I don't think I have too much further to go but time will tell. Its really hard to imagine having a baby without him here.

We are doing our best to keep busy, though. My IL's have been an enormous help so I am super grateful for that. I know we will get through this, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.


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## ~Katie~

New thread for may-june


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## Alohamelly

Katie.


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## nia82

KatieJD: Hugs to you mama!

Woohoo, 11 more days and then we will see DH again! I'm not sure yet how the housing will be, we have been on waiting list place 6 for 4 weeks now. So we'll see.

Question: I took DS to urgent care on Saturday and obtained the permission beforehand from a Doc from our medical group. Do I need to call Tricare about it now or just hand in the bill for reimbursement?


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## kirstenb

Katie- lots of


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## justKate

*KatieJD*,







to you.

*Sarah W*, Aubrey's in infant room 139. So far I've been really happy with the CDC, but I'll keep an extra eye out for all the little girls, in case one is your DD.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I'm sorry I'm getting this started a little late. Welcome again to all the newcomers!

DH left yesterday







: I still can't believe he's gone, I feel like I'm living somebody else's life right now. I've had lots of start and stop labor for about a week and I don't think I have too much further to go but time will tell. Its really hard to imagine having a baby without him here.

We are doing our best to keep busy, though. My IL's have been an enormous help so I am super grateful for that. I know we will get through this, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.









if you ever need to get out of the house you all are welcome to come to any of the FM playgroups!


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## DoulamamaOE

KatieJD

We are down to 11 days before we get orders. I really hope this works out, but you all know the military! I'll get excited when we get on a plane!!

Anyone become navy after having kids? How soon after he gets "active status" until DEERS is set up and we can use Tricare?


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## ~adorkable~

hang in there Katie, you'll get thru this, glad you have family around








s


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 







if you ever need to get out of the house you all are welcome to come to any of the FM playgroups!

I'm gearing myself up for it but I do plan to make some outings with the FM group soon. Thank you


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## ~Katie~

DH was able to call me today and he can email me over the next few days until he changes locations again. Then it will be a bit more tricky. It was nice to hear his voice and he sounds good. I am doing okay today, DS on the other hand is having a harder time and has been tantruming a lot and has taken up banging his head against things. I know it will get easier as time passes. My IL's left late yesterday morning and are on baby watch and checking up on me often. I feel like I've been in this early labor stage forever now, it doesn't seem like the real thing is ever going to happen. I'm currently sitting at 4cm and have had all the signs that labor should have started but I am defying the odds I suppose.


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## CTH3989

*hugs* Katie.

Hi ladies! I've posted a time or two in these threads. I'm Chelci. DH is Anthony and a Marine. We are stationed at MCBH K-Bay. We have a 2 year old son and a 9 month old daughter and we are pregnant with our 3rd. We are planning a UC.


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## Soul-O

Katie. I'll be thinking of you and expecting a great baby update soon!

Nia: I believe Tricare will be billed directly for the MD visit, but if you paid out of pocket, then send the bill to Tricare for reimbursement.

Still getting settled in at Lewis/McChord. The weather has been unpredictable lately, which has made planning outings difficult; however, the kids seem to make it outside anyhow! The neighborhood here is great, and we've found a wonderful church out in S. Tacoma that seems like a good fit for our family. I even got a great haircut for a decent price in Lakewood last night (much better than the mucho $$$$ I was paying in CA while living with my parents during DH's MIBOLC). DH has been very busy with his unit as they are preparing to deploy in late October. From what I understand, Lewis will be a ghost town by the end of the year, as pretty much every resident unit will be deployed. Lots of dependents and no one else!

Welcome to the new mamas!


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## ~adorkable~

just wanted to check in and say hi!
in the TWW here and going stir crazy already, just keeping busy and hoping for the best.

*Tabitha*- yeah t he weather has been a rollercoaster hasen't it?! this is pretty normal for spring around here, welcome to the NW. if you want to grab a cup of coffee or tea, let me know. I'm right in Lakewood.

for others, i thought i would point out that the tickets for the national Army birthday ball just went on sale today and are going fast, it is in DC and this year we finally decided to make a fun trip of it since we haven't gotten to dress up in a while and my sister happens to live in DC and i cant wait to see her. you can find the details on the AKO website.

any of you posted around DC? maybe we can have a meet up!


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 







Katie. I'll be thinking of you and expecting a great baby update soon!

Nia: I believe Tricare will be billed directly for the MD visit, but if you paid out of pocket, then send the bill to Tricare for reimbursement.

Still getting settled in at Lewis/McChord. The weather has been unpredictable lately, which has made planning outings difficult; however, the kids seem to make it outside anyhow! The neighborhood here is great, and we've found a wonderful church out in S. Tacoma that seems like a good fit for our family. I even got a great haircut for a decent price in Lakewood last night (much better than the mucho $$$$ I was paying in CA while living with my parents during DH's MIBOLC). DH has been very busy with his unit as they are preparing to deploy in late October. From what I understand, Lewis will be a ghost town by the end of the year, as pretty much every resident unit will be deployed. Lots of dependents and no one else!

Welcome to the new mamas!

Most of my friend's husbands are leaving this summer and my husband leaves in October. Sucks, but maybe after everyone is gone it won't take us an hour to get through the drive-thru at BK in the mornings when we go.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Most of my friend's husbands are leaving this summer and my husband leaves in October. Sucks, but maybe after everyone is gone it won't take us an hour to get through the drive-thru at BK in the mornings when we go.









LOL! Way to find that silver lining, Melly! Perhaps we'll be able to get through Madigan's pharmacy without a two hour wait as well







.

Adorkable: Have much fun at the Army ball! DC is so wonderful. I'm hoping that we end up stationed at the Pentagon or Ft. Meade at some point because I really fell in love with the area when we last visited.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
DH was able to call me today and he can email me over the next few days until he changes locations again. Then it will be a bit more tricky. It was nice to hear his voice and he sounds good. I am doing okay today, DS on the other hand is having a harder time and has been tantruming a lot and has taken up banging his head against things. I know it will get easier as time passes. My IL's left late yesterday morning and are on baby watch and checking up on me often. I feel like I've been in this early labor stage forever now, it doesn't seem like the real thing is ever going to happen. I'm currently sitting at 4cm and have had all the signs that labor should have started but I am defying the odds I suppose.

uhoh, i'm sorry Liam's not doing well.







Hopefully you all will find a routine that helps get you through the days. It's so hard when they first leave though.


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## JLKMneely

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DoulamamaOE* 







KatieJD

We are down to 11 days before we get orders. I really hope this works out, but you all know the military! I'll get excited when we get on a plane!!

Anyone become navy after having kids? How soon after he gets "active status" until DEERS is set up and we can use Tricare?

It should be 90 days but you can call Deers right a way to see if he is in it and Tricare should have been post dated back to when he joined.

You can call Deers for eligebility questions at 1800-538-9552 or check out there website at www.dmdc.osd.mil/rsl you need to have all his information and if he is gone right now a power of attorney. At least that is what I needed to get my child in.

Hope that all helps









Jessica


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## Sarah W

So many WA mamas! How cool is that? I'm in Afghanistan, DH is in Key West, but we're moving back to Ft. Lewis this winter. DH moves back Nov/Dec and I'll be there by mid-March. I cannot wait to get back to WA!

We'll be living in Dupont. We just recently contracted to have a house built, and we're anticipating a Nov closing so hopefully it will be done by the time my family get these.


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## mmgrimm

Happy Mothers Day to you all! Hope you are all having a great day (we deserve it with all we put up with from the Military)!

To all the Fort Lewis Mamas...WE GOT A MOTHERS DAY WITH SUN and NO RAIN! YEAH!


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## ~adorkable~

yeah that lasted long







:


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## Maluhia

Aloha ladies!

I'm out in Hawaii with a Navy spouse but living near the MCBH in my hometown









DH took the whole weekend off and has been yapping about feeling guilty about not going in to work the whole time







. Luckily I got to go to Quaker Meeting on my own and DD and he went to the Zoo and had lots of 1 on 1 time which I think she needs with his insane work schedule.

He's in/out a lot so she's learning how to be flexible with if he comes home or not, so sweet that she is doing very well. She does of course drape herself across him whenever he is home to get as close as humanly possible.

I'm taking a free budgeting class on base which I really like - I've got our $$ in order and will pay of the last cc this month and have no more debt!!! There are programs at all the bases with classes like the Navy's "Million Dollar Sailor" and I think I'm going to have DH make it mandatory when he is next in command to the incoming young families.


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## Soul-O

Happy belated Mom's Day! We had a nice, relaxing day mostly at home (other than church) because we adopted a wonderful doggie from the Tacoma animal shelter on Saturday and didn't want to leave him home alone for long. His name is Orbit, and he's a sweet, mellow black lab/whippet mix. He's a great ball dog, so the kids have been keeping him busy playing fetch in the backyard. Hopefully he'll be a great deployment buddy for me while DH is gone.

Anyone heard from Katie? I've been checking her DDC, but no updates... hope that means she's babymooning!


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## ~Katie~

I wish I was babymooning.

Still here and still very much pregnant. I had some more bloody show the other night but not much else to report. My back is killing me from not being able to bend at the waist anymore and having my spine out of whack, so any day now is fine by me! I feel a tad bit crampy today but that's nothing new.

DH is still traveling. He emailed me in the middle of the night and said that he's somewhere between his semi-final destination and prior location. He's doing well and starting to adjust to the time zone change. He's looking into getting one of the international pre-paid cell phones since he won't have phone service once he gets to his final destination, I know nothing about them so hopefully he can get some more info this week. DS is very slowly adjusting but still tantruming and screaming at me a lot, I can only imagine how he'll be once the new baby gets here.

I hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day


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## ~adorkable~

i wanted to share with you ladies about how hard these last 24 hours have been.
I'm sure most of you heard in the news about the Shooting at the Combat Stress Clinic

Well that was the small 7ish person clinic that my Beloved Army Husband worked at every day for the last year and just weeks ago handed over to the Unit that is currently there. Two of those unit members are now dead, along with 3 other soldiers that were at the clinic being helped for their own personal struggles.
Our family and our Unit is shock and struggling with the relief that our men and women are home safe and that somewhere in this country there is a women just like me whose husband was doing the same job, probably at my husbands old desk is now never coming home to her.

I am shaken to the core in a way i have never been in our many years and two deployments with the Army. We now turn to our Unit and take care of the folks that we usually count on to take care of the rest of us.
a small note, and I'm sure ladies here already know this..
don't ever say to a army spouse that thankfully their particular beloved soldier is not "in combat" and therefor safe. I heard that from practically everyone while my Beloved was over there and it was always both insulting to our sacrifice and felt painfully like tempting fate. I'm sure someone said the same thing to the families of the current unit, sadly.

We will heal and our brave comited soldiers in out unit and that one in Iraq, will keep doing their jobs. They are so very dedicated to helping our boys and girls that need their insight and care.


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## ~Katie~

Many







, Adorkable. And many prayers for their families


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## Alohamelly

Adorkable


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## kirstenb

Adorkable- many


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## Maluhia

I feel you Adorkable - we face a similar comment all the time being submariners "at least no one is shooting at your husband!" Uh, yeah, not with guns but none of you know what they are doing, I go months without contact, etc. etc.

In the end we must all support ourselves in this sisterhood and know that each family has a great sacrifice when asked to be separated from their spouse by deployment or even just super long work hours.

I'm so very sorry for this scary loss for your unit.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 

In the end we must all support ourselves in this sisterhood and know that each family has a great sacrifice when asked to be separated from their spouse by deployment or even just super long work hours.

I'm so very sorry for this scary loss for your unit.

Agreed


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## mntnmom

We're all holding our breath here in Germany. Nobody's been publicly identified except the shooter. My DH is safe, as are all his Joe's... but he's supposed to be home from a 14mnth deployment in a matter of weeks and it does cast a shadow on the happiness.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 









I feel you Adorkable - we face a similar comment all the time being submariners "at least no one is shooting at your husband!" Uh, yeah, not with guns but none of you know what they are doing, I go months without contact, etc. etc.

In the end we must all support ourselves in this sisterhood and know that each family has a great sacrifice when asked to be separated from their spouse by deployment or even just super long work hours.

I'm so very sorry for this scary loss for your unit.









:


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## Soul-O

I'm so sorry, Adorkable







. Please accept my deepest sympathies and prayers for the soldiers in your DH's unit (as well as the families of the victims)







.

In the CYS office today, I overheard a pregnant mom requesting care for her soon-to-be-born because her DH had been KIA (so she would need to go back to work), and it kinda hit me how thankful and blessed I should be everytime my DH comes home unscathed.


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## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I'm sorry I'm getting this started a little late. Welcome again to all the newcomers!

DH left yesterday







: I still can't believe he's gone, I feel like I'm living somebody else's life right now. I've had lots of start and stop labor for about a week and I don't think I have too much further to go but time will tell. Its really hard to imagine having a baby without him here.

We are doing our best to keep busy, though. My IL's have been an enormous help so I am super grateful for that. I know we will get through this, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.









Your dh left the same day as mine! Dh already picked up one of the pre-paid cells too, if yours hasn't yet, tell him to get an adapter if he can.

I'm not looking forward to the whole baby w/o dh being here either







One day at a time though, right?


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 







Your dh left the same day as mine! Dh already picked up one of the pre-paid cells too, if yours hasn't yet, tell him to get an adapter if he can.

I'm not looking forward to the whole baby w/o dh being here either







One day at a time though, right?

They're in the same unit? You probably saw me over there, I was the big, giant crying pregnant lady







I haven't talked to him yet on the phone since they got to KAF, he just sent me a quick email this morning but he's planning on getting one of the pre-paid cell phones. I'm going to get Magic Jack to call him because it'll cost me less (around $0.35 a minute). I checked to see what my cell company charges for international calls and its $1.99 a minute







:

Is he going to come home on R&R for the birth? I know you've probably heard this 100 times already but do you have some support set up for during and after the birth?


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## AFWife

DH comes home in 4 weeks and we can finally start this military career thing as a family.

We got an approved trade so we're no longer going to be at Ellsworth AFB, SD...
we're going back to where it all started and will be at Lackland AFB, TX.

Any other moms in the area?


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## ValarieR

Well, I married my soldier a few weeks ago... via proxy. It was the weirdest marriage ever! But it is done, and I have my shiny new Tricare...

I am almost at ten weeks now. I sent him an ultrasound picture, and he is really excited about the baby! Before he came home for leave, he called me maybe 1-3 times a week. Since he got back? I hear from him most every day... he sounds really homesick, and it kills me. But we only have five more months or so, so I just keep reminding myself that I'll be able to hold him then









I hope all of you ladies are holding up well









Valarie


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## DoulamamaOE

Congrats Valarie!! It's not ideal, I agree, but marriage is so much more than a wedding and you prove it!!

KatieJD- How are you feeling today?


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## ~Katie~

Congratulations, Valarie!

Still feel like I'll be pregnant forever







I went into labor at 40 weeks on the dot with DS so it will be amusing to me if I actually go past my due date, I'm 100% on dates because of charting and OPK's and the corroborating ultrasound. I don't feel a sense of urgency or anything though so as long as good-intentioned family members don't get on me about it I'll be okay.


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## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
They're in the same unit? You probably saw me over there, I was the big, giant crying pregnant lady







I haven't talked to him yet on the phone since they got to KAF, he just sent me a quick email this morning but he's planning on getting one of the pre-paid cell phones. I'm going to get Magic Jack to call him because it'll cost me less (around $0.35 a minute). I checked to see what my cell company charges for international calls and its $1.99 a minute







:

Is he going to come home on R&R for the birth? I know you've probably heard this 100 times already but do you have some support set up for during and after the birth?

I saw a couple pregnant ladies I think, dh is the armorer for his unit so I was sitting behind the table looking whale like with him while he passed out guns.

Hmm I had no idea there might be charge for incoming international calls? I may be in trouble on the 1st







Now I have to go check. I wonder if it costs on land lines too...ugh. I know outgoing for my cell was 2.25/min plus a monthly fee No way that was happening, I bought a phone card for now.

No he won't be home in time for the birth, I put in for a doula through OSD but haven't heard anything back yet. No idea how long it takes them to process it all so I'll just hurry up & wait









He just now put in for a possible R&R date next year, I'd rather have him here a little later even though it will be more stress for me in the meantime(I didn't tell him that part though).

Eta: Is your dh staying where they are now or moving on to one of the other places later?


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## meganbarr

Hey ladies, I just found out that we are expecting baby #2 in January! It was a TOTAL suprise. I am starting nursing school in the fall so it will definately make things more interesting. I found a couple of midwives who are starting a practice here in Panama City soon, so thats exciting! Ill probably have lots of tricare questions for you military homebirthers.


----------



## DoulamamaOE

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
Hey ladies, I just found out that we are expecting baby #2 in January! It was a TOTAL suprise. I am starting nursing school in the fall so it will definately make things more interesting. I found a couple of midwives who are starting a practice here in Panama City soon, so thats exciting! Ill probably have lots of tricare questions for you military homebirthers.

Congratulations!!!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 
I saw a couple pregnant ladies I think, dh is the armorer for his unit so I was sitting behind the table looking whale like with him while he passed out guns.

Hmm I had no idea there might be charge for incoming international calls? I may be in trouble on the 1st







Now I have to go check. I wonder if it costs on land lines too...ugh. I know outgoing for my cell was 2.25/min plus a monthly fee No way that was happening, I bought a phone card for now.

No he won't be home in time for the birth, I put in for a doula through OSD but haven't heard anything back yet. No idea how long it takes them to process it all so I'll just hurry up & wait









He just now put in for a possible R&R date next year, I'd rather have him here a little later even though it will be more stress for me in the meantime(I didn't tell him that part though).

Eta: Is your dh staying where they are now or moving on to one of the other places later?

I ended up getting Magic Jack to make calls to his cell phone because it ends up being $0.32 a minute, and he will probably call me on that as well. I'm not sure how receiving international calls works. I know a couple of doulas if you'd like me to give you their contact info, I also know a post-partum doula if that's something you might be interested in (she's going to be helping me after my birth). DH put in for either early Sept. or late Oct. so hopefully he gets one of those. DH is in KAF temporarily and then moving on to another place north of that.


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## meganbarr

Ok so I already have a homebirth tricare question. They told me at the women's clinic at tyndall afb that I have to go to an OB orientation. At the orientation, they give you prenatal vitamins and a referral to an OB. I am going to do a homebirth with a midwife but the midwife practice isnt going yet so Ill have to transfer care when they are ready to start practicing. In order to transfer, will I have to get a referral from the OB Im assigned to? The doctors here are VERY mainstream and I know they wont refer me to a midwife. Also, since this will be the first midwifery practice in the area, the local tricare ppl arent going to know how to handle a homebirth. Any ideas on how to deal with them? Ive dealt with them before and they are neither friendly nor helpful. Oh and is there any way to get tricare to pay for a breastpump? They paid for a medela mini electric when DD was born in Cali, but since Im working and going to school I am going to need something better.


----------



## mbhf

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
Ok so I already have a homebirth tricare question. They told me at the women's clinic at tyndall afb that I have to go to an OB orientation. At the orientation, they give you prenatal vitamins and a referral to an OB. I am going to do a homebirth with a midwife but the midwife practice isnt going yet so Ill have to transfer care when they are ready to start practicing. In order to transfer, will I have to get a referral from the OB Im assigned to? The doctors here are VERY mainstream and I know they wont refer me to a midwife. Also, since this will be the first midwifery practice in the area, the local tricare ppl arent going to know how to handle a homebirth. Any ideas on how to deal with them? Ive dealt with them before and they are neither friendly nor helpful. Oh and is there any way to get tricare to pay for a breastpump? They paid for a medela mini electric when DD was born in Cali, but since Im working and going to school I am going to need something better.

Where are you located? Are the midwives you will be seeing CNMs?


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## meganbarr

Im in Panama City Florida at Tyndall AFB. All 3 of the midwives in the practice are CNMs


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## DoulamamaOE

I believe as long as you get the referral (and if you are persistent they do it) then tricare has to pay CNM's. Can you call tricare and ask them?


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I ended up getting Magic Jack to make calls to his cell phone because it ends up being $0.32 a minute, and he will probably call me on that as well. I'm not sure how receiving international calls works. I know a couple of doulas if you'd like me to give you their contact info, I also know a post-partum doula if that's something you might be interested in (she's going to be helping me after my birth). DH put in for either early Sept. or late Oct. so hopefully he gets one of those. DH is in KAF temporarily and then moving on to another place north of that.

I'd love to get the contact info for those doula's if you don't mind. I've been trying to wait patiently for OSD to contact me but I'm a planner & like to have everything lined up so I can not stress.

Hope your dh gets what he's after for days off. I just heard mine should be able to visit shortly after the new year so that's a bit of a relief to know the date at least.

DH is moving on soon too, toward the south if memory serves me correct. Did you get to see the FRG meeting before hand where they showed the piles of undeveloped dirt & talked about 'what a great view' it had?


----------



## tryingforbaby

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
Ok so I already have a homebirth tricare question. They told me at the women's clinic at tyndall afb that I have to go to an OB orientation. At the orientation, they give you prenatal vitamins and a referral to an OB. I am going to do a homebirth with a midwife but the midwife practice isnt going yet so Ill have to transfer care when they are ready to start practicing. In order to transfer, will I have to get a referral from the OB Im assigned to? The doctors here are VERY mainstream and I know they wont refer me to a midwife. Also, since this will be the first midwifery practice in the area, the local tricare ppl arent going to know how to handle a homebirth. Any ideas on how to deal with them? Ive dealt with them before and they are neither friendly nor helpful. Oh and is there any way to get tricare to pay for a breastpump? They paid for a medela mini electric when DD was born in Cali, but since Im working and going to school I am going to need something better.

I don't know alot about tricare but I know the gulf coast (a bit). My suggestion would be the contact Vicki Taylor of Momma's cradle in Pensacola. Everything I have heard of her is wonderful. She me be an option of someone to start out with because I know she takes tricare and although it is a drive she may agree to it knowing that you will just be transfered anyway.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 
I'd love to get the contact info for those doula's if you don't mind. I've been trying to wait patiently for OSD to contact me but I'm a planner & like to have everything lined up so I can not stress.

Hope your dh gets what he's after for days off. I just heard mine should be able to visit shortly after the new year so that's a bit of a relief to know the date at least.

DH is moving on soon too, toward the south if memory serves me correct. Did you get to see the FRG meeting before hand where they showed the piles of undeveloped dirt & talked about 'what a great view' it had?









Sounds like they're going to the same place, I think they're in different companies though. I didn't go to the FRG meeting but I did hear about what a dump the place is, I haven't had the greatest experience with them thus far but I won't share that on here. I'll PM you the doula info


----------



## taylor

Newcomer here!

SO is in the USAR and we're gearing up for our third deployment. He'll be leaving in about a month or so. Not entirely looking forward to it, of course. We're having our third bundle of joy, another homebirth at the end of October. I'm not expecting him to be here for the baby's birth, and am even preparing myself for him to not receive RnR.







But, hopefully he will.


----------



## meganbarr

Taylor!

Tryingforbaby- thanks for the recommendation, Ill have to see if they will let me go all the way to pensacola.

I guess Ill have to just call tricare. My soon to be midwife sent me an info sheet on tricare maternity services, and it sounds like I may have to switch to standard to have a homebirth


----------



## DoulamamaOE

KatieJD- how are you feeling? Any baby-coming-soon signs?

Meganbarr- I have a friend who's having a home birth and didn't have to switch, just have a referral so the midwife could sumbit for payment. I'll call her and see if there was any trick to it I can pass on...


----------



## ~Katie~

Updates here


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## mmgrimm

Congrats KatieJD...I am so happy for you that you got to have an unassisted water birth...that was always my dream birth!


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## meganbarr

Congrats Katie! You are AMAZING!


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## gagin37

wow, what an amazing birth story Katie- I cried just reading it! Congrats on such a beautiful baby girl!


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## kirstenb

That's awesome Katie! Congrats!


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## ~adorkable~

huge congrats katie, you are one amazing woman, you little girl has a good role model

afm, im out this month jut got AF, for a unrealated medical procedure we will not be TTCing next month, so bummed, looking forward to the end of june


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Updates here

Congratulations!! What an amazing story, I'm so happy for you







:


----------



## Alohamelly

Congratulations, Katie!


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## Soul-O

Congrats Katie, and welcome Laine!


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## tryingforbaby

bumping...


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## meganbarr

I just went to the OB orientation that everyone is required to go to at Tyndall AFB before you can get a referral and it was the biggest waste of time EVER. It was lots of "dont shake your baby" and "make sure you eat fruits and veggies". They even handed out teddy bears that you are supposed to keep with you at all times and put in an empty carseat so you dont forget your baby is with you and leave it in the car!? When they asked which hospital the midwife I was asking for used and I told them neither, of course I got the standard strange looks and stupid questions. We'll see if the referral goes through. I am really hoping to deal with those people as little as possible! Has anyone ever checked the status of a referral online? They said we could do that, Ill have to check it out.


----------



## DoulamamaOE

Meganbarr- The friend that I thought got a referral (I'm her doula) said it was denied and she has to pay out of pocket. Personally, I'd rather pay out of pocket than go to a hospital, but that's just me. Hope yours goes through!! You'd think they wouldn't care... Saves them space and money?!? Oh well, GL!!!


----------



## justKate

*KarlaC* and *KatieJD*, have you checked out click4prepaid phone cards? You can use them with cell phones and it might make it cheaper...its been a while since my Huz was overseas but this is what he used.


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## gingerstar

Hi wise military mamas, I could really use your advice/support!
DH has sworn in and reports for basic 6/16. What advice can you offer? Anything he should really have or take with him?
For instance, as a FF he uses Oral Rehydration Salts, a packet of powder that is added to water for rehab either during training or on scene fighting a fire, which is more physiologically appropriate than say, Gatorade or plain water. I suggested to him that he should take some with (Ft Benning in the summer - yikes!) but he didn't think he could/should. What can/should he take?
Also, what can we expect during basic for contact? I know he can't really call us, can we write him? Should we write him lots, and send pictures from the girls, etc?
We have dealt with separation before - he worked for DHS in New Orleans after Katrina, was down there for 14 months, but we talked on the phone a lot, and he was able to come home frequently, so I know this will be a whole 'nother ball game.
Yes, I feel as clueless as I sound. I'm ready to be the supportive Army wife, please let me know how best to do it!








Thanks ever so much!








:


----------



## Sarah W

Hi Ginger! Welcome!

Your DH won't be able to take any of that with him. I'm not sure how it is now, but we had to dump everything onto a bed and most of it was locked away. However, there's a Gatorade type drink that they serve with all meals and it has salt in it. Hot/Cold weather injuries are a big issue, especially with new soldiers and they really do a lot to try to prevent them.

As for phone calls, you never know. A lot will depend on their Drill Sergeant, how quickly they get tasks done, any additional training, if anyone gets into trouble, etc. I think it's safe to say you can expect a weekly call, sometimes more or less.


----------



## Soul-O

Hi Sharon:

I think Sarah covered it well, but I did want to add a few things:

1. Make sure to write frequently, and send pictures as often as possible. When my DH was in Basic, we wrote back/forth at least 3x per week, and he still tells me how my letters got him through it. The letters will mean a lot to him, even if he only has a short time to write back and his return letters are infrequent.

2. Do not send any food items, books, clothing etc. These things will be confiscated and returned to him at the end of Basic, so he won't get to use them anyways. The only exception would be a religious text (Bible, Koran etc.).

3. My DH called me 3x total while in Basic at Ft. Leonard Wood, MO. This is all he was allowed, and he was a very good soldier (honor grad). Keep your cell phone on you at all times, because the calls come unexpectedly.

4. Benning in the summer is CRUMMY, with lots of fire ants and mosquitos to add to the general misery. Tell your DH to watch out for the ant mounds!

Is your DH going Active? If so, do you know where you will be stationed? A lot of us are in the Ft. Lewis, WA area, so hopefully you will join us.

Much love, and congrats on joining our posse!

HOOAH!


----------



## gingerstar

Thanks, Sarah and Tabitha!
So, lots of letters, no care packages, keep my cell in my pocket, and watch out for the bugs! I really appreciate the good advice from those who know.

What about boots - someone told me that he can buy his own high-quality boots that meet uniform standards, that will make his life better. But probably not for basic, eh? At what point can he, and is this even still the case? The person who gave me this advice was AD in the early '90's, so I'm sure things have changed.
We will be staying here - we looked into my bringing the family down to Ft Bragg while he is doing his Q course, but logistically I just can't do it. He will be ARNG, so we will stay here, in IL.
ETA: I love what I hear about the Pac NW - wish I could join you!

Thanks again for a warm welcome and guidance.


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
*KarlaC* and *KatieJD*, have you checked out click4prepaid phone cards? You can use them with cell phones and it might make it cheaper...its been a while since my Huz was overseas but this is what he used.

Oh hey no I haven't but I will now thank you







I did get one off callingcards.com, almost 2 hours for $20 which I didn't think was too bad.


----------



## ~adorkable~

my Beloved always has bought his own boots, many folks do. but basic is a whole strange trip and i have no idea how to even find out. he might want to buy them and break them in as best he can and then take them and see, the worse thing is they get taken and returned afterward, but he will always use them so it might be good investment.

even if he just wants to get army issue, get them now and wear them around, breaking them in will save his feet on road marches later.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar* 
Hi wise military mamas, I could really use your advice/support!
DH has sworn in and reports for basic 6/16. What advice can you offer? Anything he should really have or take with him?
For instance, as a FF he uses Oral Rehydration Salts, a packet of powder that is added to water for rehab either during training or on scene fighting a fire, which is more physiologically appropriate than say, Gatorade or plain water. I suggested to him that he should take some with (Ft Benning in the summer - yikes!) but he didn't think he could/should. What can/should he take?
Also, what can we expect during basic for contact? I know he can't really call us, can we write him? Should we write him lots, and send pictures from the girls, etc?
We have dealt with separation before - he worked for DHS in New Orleans after Katrina, was down there for 14 months, but we talked on the phone a lot, and he was able to come home frequently, so I know this will be a whole 'nother ball game.
Yes, I feel as clueless as I sound. I'm ready to be the supportive Army wife, please let me know how best to do it!








Thanks ever so much!







:

Welcome! Yes, write tons and tons of letters! I wrote nearly everyday and he still begged for more. Cards are nice too, when you don't have time to write a whole letter. I got a few phone calls, but they were usually very brief.


----------



## gingerstar

Thanks, Claire and Adorkable! I will pass on the advice about the boots, and stock up on cards for the days I don't have time to write. If that is something that will help him keep his chin up and make it through, I am happy to do it!

He was so cute when he came back from MEPS, he was just flying high! I had been so worried about him, because we live so far from the site, he had to get up at 3 am to be there in time, but he had a head trauma call in the night, and I think he got less than 2 hours sleep. So when he was taking the ASVAB, he kept falling asleep, and the guy had to keep logging him back in. But when they scored it, he had gotten a perfect score!







: He was so happy, and he said, hey, look, I'm smarter when I'm tired!








It is so wonderful to see him so excited to do this, and I just want to give him all the support I can.
So I appreciate whatever you ladies can offer me!


----------



## Sarah W

Eventually, you can buy your own stuff. Not for basic. He'll be issued 2 pairs that he'll switch between every other day. Some do a dot, some do a knot. (a dot on the back heel or a not in the laces) And they'll have dot or no dot days. Helps them get used to switching back and forth, plus he'll break both pairs in.

Issue boots aren't that bad, IMO. When we had the black leather, they left a lot to be desired and I wore jungle boots. However, I don't have a problem with the tan ones. DH has special ones that are issued by his unit, but you can easily spend a couple hundred $$ on a pair of boots.

What job did he select? Did you say already?


----------



## gingerstar

Oh, I see. Yes, I think the person who made that rec. wore black boots. Thanks for the explanation!
He hopes to go medic, but someone from his unit apparently will meet with him before Q course to discuss what their needs are at that time.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar* 
Oh, I see. Yes, I think the person who made that rec. wore black boots. Thanks for the explanation!
He hopes to go medic, but someone from his unit apparently will meet with him before Q course to discuss what their needs are at that time.

Cool, so he's planning on going SF? That should be a lot of fun for him. DH is a Ranger, but right now he's down at the Special Forces Dive School in Key West as an instructor, so other than the other 2 Rangers, they're all SF. Being a SF medic (from what I've heard) is really cool and you have a lot of opportunities. They've worked in ERs at different places and while they're overseas, they've been able to do surgery, which is something that wouldn't be allowed in the US.


----------



## gingerstar

Yes, he hopes to go "baby SF" if he qualifies.
I'll have to show him your post - he would be totally jazzed! He is a civilian paramedic now, so he has that knowledge and experience to help him out, and he would totally love the opportunity to do more complex stuff like surgery!
Your DH's job sounds pretty cool, too! SF Instructor has gotta be a challenge, in a good way, I'd think, and Key West just sounds like a good place to be. But did I see that you are deployed?


----------



## Soul-O

Hey Mamas:

My DH is currently four days into a 21 day exercise out in Yakima (YTC). At a pre-deployment briefing last week, his LTC advised us families to consider this exercise a "mini deployment" for purposes of testing out family care plans, communication lines etc. I've been trying to do that with the kids as well, helping them to understand that I'm the only parent right now, and that we all have to work together to keep the family and home running smoothly in Dad's absence. However, I'm loathe to change routines too much because DH will be home in 17 days, so it seems counterproductive to start doing things a different way. How do you all handle the shorter absences? What do you do to help your kids deal with the changes? It doesn't help that my health is poor right now, so I don't have a whole lot of energy







. The boys are doing well and really trying hard to be helpful, which I greatly appreciate.

Any advice helps - thanks!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hey Mamas:

My DH is currently four days into a 21 day exercise out in Yakima (YTC). At a pre-deployment briefing last week, his LTC advised us families to consider this exercise a "mini deployment" for purposes of testing out family care plans, communication lines etc. I've been trying to do that with the kids as well, helping them to understand that I'm the only parent right now, and that we all have to work together to keep the family and home running smoothly in Dad's absence. However, I'm loathe to change routines too much because DH will be home in 17 days, so it seems counterproductive to start doing things a different way. How do you all handle the shorter absences? What do you do to help your kids deal with the changes? It doesn't help that my health is poor right now, so I don't have a whole lot of energy







. The boys are doing well and really trying hard to be helpful, which I greatly appreciate.

Any advice helps - thanks!

During shorter absences I just try to get into a routine of planning activities, naps, baths, meals, etc. around the same times every day. More to keep the peace and maintain my sanity than anything else. We watched videos of DH and looked at pictures, same as we do now. We talk on the phone around the same times every day and I encourage DS to talk to him as well though he doesn't always want to.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hey Mamas:

My DH is currently four days into a 21 day exercise out in Yakima (YTC). At a pre-deployment briefing last week, his LTC advised us families to consider this exercise a "mini deployment" for purposes of testing out family care plans, communication lines etc. I've been trying to do that with the kids as well, helping them to understand that I'm the only parent right now, and that we all have to work together to keep the family and home running smoothly in Dad's absence. However, I'm loathe to change routines too much because DH will be home in 17 days, so it seems counterproductive to start doing things a different way. How do you all handle the shorter absences? What do you do to help your kids deal with the changes? It doesn't help that my health is poor right now, so I don't have a whole lot of energy







. The boys are doing well and really trying hard to be helpful, which I greatly appreciate.

Any advice helps - thanks!

My husband was supposed to go to Yakima but he stayed behind since I'm due to have a baby any time now. I wonder if they are in the same unit? That would be neat!

As for your questions, I don't know. My older daughter seems to adjust well to short and long absences, but my husband isn't her bio-father. My toddler was too little during my husband's last absence and the next one will be the year long deployment which I think he will have a hard time with.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
My husband was supposed to go to Yakima but he stayed behind since I'm due to have a baby any time now. I wonder if they are in the same unit? That would be neat!

As for your questions, I don't know. My older daughter seems to adjust well to short and long absences, but my husband isn't her bio-father. My toddler was too little during my husband's last absence and the next one will be the year long deployment which I think he will have a hard time with.

Is your DH in the 201st BFSBde? My DH is in the 109th MIBN, he's the XO of HHC.


----------



## nia82

I ladies, I have a Tricare question. Is anyone using Tricare Standard for their family? If yes, how much does it really cost you in the end?
We arrived in Cheyenne, FE Warren AFB. You absolutely have to go to the base doctors as PCM. While I am "lucky" and seen by flight medicine who has a lower case load, DS has to be seen by the pediatric NP. The ped herself I was told does not see children unless they have chronic diseases, every healthy child is just seen by the NP. They do not do 9 months WBV as they have too little capacity. I was informed that if I call them to schedule a sick call appointment, it will take at least 5 business days before they see DS. They also told me they rarely give you urgent care referrals and prefer you wait it out for 5 days. That sucks big time, in 5 business days, you can develop the worst sickness!!! I called Triwest and they said tough luck, that's how it is, if you want more available service, switch to Standard.
Anyone any idea how much it is or if I can do something else about this situation?


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Is your DH in the 201st BFSBde? My DH is in the 109th MIBN, he's the XO of HHC.

Yes! My husband said there are several units out there right now.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Yes! My husband said there are several units out there right now.

Awesome! Another MDC mama in the unit!


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Awesome! Another MDC mama in the unit!

Are there other MDC moms in the unit?


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Are there other MDC moms in the unit?

I don't think so... I'm just happy to have another kindred spirit







. I haven't seen any wives using slings, NIP, or employing any other AP-type parenting behaviors, so I think it's just us two. I'll be easy to spot at family gatherings.. I'm the one with four boys, one in either a sling or a mei tai.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I don't think so... I'm just happy to have another kindred spirit







. I haven't seen any wives using slings, NIP, or employing any other AP-type parenting behaviors, so I think it's just us two. I'll be easy to spot at family gatherings.. I'm the one with four boys, one in either a sling or a mei tai.

I hardly ever go to the gatherings or events. Too boring for me. My husband usually takes the kids. I have gone to the last couple of FRG meetings though. I haven't really interacted with many of the wives in the unit, but I doubt I'd find someone else like me. Good to know you're there!


----------



## Shabbers

Hi...I'm not a military mom, but I'm here to ask some questions on behalf of my brother's fiancee (she's about to have their first child, due later this month.) My brother is apparently considering the Coast Guard, and here's what she asked me to post:

"My fiance is really looking into joining the USCG, not reserve but enlisted. I have absolutely no idea what its going to be like. I am a strong and independent person but I know I'd miss him and I've had friends go into all different branches of military and their recruiters lied through their teeth to get them in it. I don't know if the recruiters are telling the truth or not....so my questions are...

1) How long would he be away from home after boot camp or whatever, is he gone for 6 months at a time or whatever? What's the normal time out on sea??

2) If we're married am I allowed to move with him...is there military housing or anything like that??

3)What's the likelihood he'd be stationed somewhere close to home or near us?(Long Beach, CA)

4)Is there good benefits for him as well as our daughter and I?

any other info is greatly appreciated as well but those are my main concerns?"

If you can help this mama-to-be from your perspectives, I'd appreciate it - they're very young (she's 19, he's 20) and don't know much about the military life.


----------



## Shabbers

Also, if they marry and he signs the enlistment papers both before the baby's born, will that help in terms of coverage for the birth? (they have no insurance now.)


----------



## Aka mommy

May i join in here? I'm a newbie to all of this, so I am tenatively joining. My dh joined the Nat'l Guard in March and we are 3 weeks into his basic training. We will hopefully get to go out and visit him in July and then he will be off to 22 weeks of more training which we hope to get a few visits out to him then too.

I'm slowly learning all the ropes and terms and how everything works. I would love to chat with others who have btdt. I'm Jen btw, and i have 2 girls and a sweet puppy at home to keep my company!


----------



## mmgrimm

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shabbers* 
Hi...I'm not a military mom, but I'm here to ask some questions on behalf of my brother's fiancee (she's about to have their first child, due later this month.) My brother is apparently considering the Coast Guard, and here's what she asked me to post:

"My fiance is really looking into joining the USCG, not reserve but enlisted. I have absolutely no idea what its going to be like. I am a strong and independent person but I know I'd miss him and I've had friends go into all different branches of military and their recruiters lied through their teeth to get them in it. I don't know if the recruiters are telling the truth or not....so my questions are...

1) How long would he be away from home after boot camp or whatever, is he gone for 6 months at a time or whatever? What's the normal time out on sea??

2) If we're married am I allowed to move with him...is there military housing or anything like that??

3)What's the likelihood he'd be stationed somewhere close to home or near us?(Long Beach, CA)

4)Is there good benefits for him as well as our daughter and I?

any other info is greatly appreciated as well but those are my main concerns?"

If you can help this mama-to-be from your perspectives, I'd appreciate it - they're very young (she's 19, he's 20) and don't know much about the military life.

I can help answer some of her questions:
First it will depend on what he does in the CG and where he gets stationed for deployment and training time.
Second if you are married you will get to move with him (they are a few exceptions)...Living on base or off base will depend on the housing waitlist...However if you live off base you will recieve a housing allotment.
Third I am not for sure about getting choice of duty of station but that is something he may be able to request during enlistment (make sure its in the contract).
Fourth the military isnt for every family so everyone has to find the benefits that make it worth it for them...ours is the medical since we have two special needs children.

The medical insurance and pay does not go into effect on the day you enlist but on the actual report date to basic. So if the baby is born before he reports to basic the birth nor anything else will be covered. It does not matter if they marry before the enlistment as long as they are married before the report date so she will be able to have medical coverage, if thats what they wish to do.

Wish them Good Luck for me!


----------



## EdnaMarie

nak

DH just finished boot camp (army)... now off to ait. no leave during ait, but he got 5 days to see new baby last week. we are @ my mom's.

our relationship was really rocky, bordering on abuse (not physical) before when he was unemployed & new to the country, so i am apprehensive about leaving w/ him when he gets orders but want to make it work- i know we have the potential.

he has a temper & i am obsessive / controlling (good match, right? lol can you picture our toddler rofl). anyway just wanted to be part of the tribe... and get advice on how best to get marriage counseling right away... will that affect his chances @ promotion?


----------



## ~adorkable~

military families are very encouraged to get ongoing counseling whenever and where ever they need. it will not hurt him. i really hope you get the help you need. army life is a hard life and it can bring out the best and the worse in each of us, how we deal with each stress is what helps us discover our path


----------



## EdnaMarie

thanks, adorkable. i see you are also in WA. ft. lewis? we are nearby.







i signed up for counseling even for just me. thanks. our previous (pre-army) life included 3 years in afghanistan (each!), months of unemployment, years of long-distance love, etc. so God willing army life will be only moderately challenging. at least we have good insurance now!







: pray we get stationed in italy, germany, or japan- we would do best in a 3rd country.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
They're in the same unit? You probably saw me over there, I was the big, giant crying pregnant lady







I haven't talked to him yet on the phone since they got to KAF, he just sent me a quick email this morning but he's planning on getting one of the pre-paid cell phones. I'm going to get Magic Jack to call him because it'll cost me less (around $0.35 a minute). I checked to see what my cell company charges for international calls and its $1.99 a minute







:

Is he going to come home on R&R for the birth? I know you've probably heard this 100 times already but do you have some support set up for during and after the birth?

btw- TMobile offers discounted international on plans for just $5/phone/mo. applies to iraq but not afgh. iraq is $.69/min. w/discount. japan, germany, etc. are really cheap.


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
thanks, adorkable. i see you are also in WA. ft. lewis? we are nearby.









sounds like you are looking forward well, if you need anything or just a coffee date let me know.
that goes for all Lewis/McChord folks

ps, the links in your signature are a bit disturbing, but a interesting read, it is amazing to see how studies are done.


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## EdnaMarie

I might let you know before our next big Ft. Lewis trip- we have to put new baby in system & get other stuff done @ DEERS etc.


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## Alohamelly

All of us Ft. Lewis people should get together one of these days!


----------



## abarnes

Hello! I just joined the site, thought I'd hop right in here if that's ok.
My Dh is former Navy and now Army. He's currently in EOD school at Eglin AFB in Niceville, FL but has "on assignment" orders via AKO for Yakima Firing Center in August. He was told to ignore what AKO said but no other Army in his class has gotten orders so??

Anyhow, I haven't actually read the thread so I will get to that tomorrow. I should have been asleep hours ago since the baby will be up in about 4hrs now.


----------



## meganbarr

UGH!!! I just need to vent and say how much I hate the stupid South with their stupid ******** and their stupid Tricare people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







(oh and their stupid sweet tea too, Ill put sugar in my own damn tea thank you!)

In California, the tricare people were so nice and helpful and all medical services were so easy to get covered. Here it is just one medical bill after another and this mean old lady tricare woman who I swear one of these days I am just going to go ballistic on! To top it off, I put in the form for my referral for a hb midwife, who has been successfully billing tricare for her geriatric services (shes also a FNP) and I got a form in the mail telling me that I had to go to some OBGYN Ive never heard of!!!! Im thinking of switching to standard to just avoid the BS. Does being on Standard make things any easier? They make things so hard here, it took me days just to schedule an appt for DD to see her PCM on base!

GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent!


----------



## tryingforbaby

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abarnes* 
Hello! I just joined the site, thought I'd hop right in here if that's ok.
My Dh is former Navy and now Army. He's currently in EOD school at Eglin AFB in Niceville, FL but has "on assignment" orders via AKO for Yakima Firing Center in August. He was told to ignore what AKO said but no other Army in his class has gotten orders so??

Anyhow, I haven't actually read the thread so I will get to that tomorrow. I should have been asleep hours ago since the baby will be up in about 4hrs now.

Welcome to the gulf coast. I am in Pcola.


----------



## mmgrimm

It would be an awesome idea for all of us Fort Lewis Mommies to get together! Maybe on one of those nice days like we were having! Because right now I am







:!


----------



## EdnaMarie

Welcome abarnes to MDC- I'm new to this tribe too.









mmgrimm- We have TC standard but are in WA and hb midwife was not covered.


----------



## ~adorkable~

im totally up for a general ft lewis meet up!


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## EdnaMarie

We are 45 min. from Ft. Lewis but I would love to meet other "crunchy" military moms... I need a lot of advance notice, though. Also it would be nice to get DD's SSN first so I could take care of business @ the same time.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Welcome abarnes to MDC- I'm new to this tribe too.









mmgrimm- We have TC standard but are in WA and hb midwife was not covered.

Are you in the Lewis area? One of the moms in my playgroup said she knows of a midwife who does homebirth and accepts Tricare here.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Are you in the Lewis area? One of the moms in my playgroup said she knows of a midwife who does homebirth and accepts Tricare here.

I'm pretty sure that most midwives in WA (at least of those who accept insurance at all) take Tricare out of network. You would probably need to be on Tricare Standard if you want reimbursement. Check out The Birthing Inn

http://www.thebirthinginn.com

There are lots of midwives listed there - try e-mailing one of them.


----------



## EdnaMarie

My midwife takes Tricare and does hb. Tricare does not reimburse her for hb, only prenatal care.


----------



## married2thearmy07

HI! We're getting ready to PCS the end of this month. I'm excited & nervous for the move! We're reserving our apt. tomorrow (off post). They're really nice! Just looking to try & chat with some local moms and hopefully get together to tour the area when we get there!


----------



## married2thearmy07

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I'm pretty sure that most midwives in WA (at least of those who accept insurance at all) take Tricare out of network. You would probably need to be on Tricare Standard if you want reimbursement. Check out The Birthing Inn

http://www.thebirthinginn.com

There are lots of midwives listed there - try e-mailing one of them.


My midwives did a global billing plan and everything was covered except for my birth classes, supplements, and birth supplies. I mean EVERYTHING! I was living in Vancouver at the time and my midwives were Catherine & Nora of A Gentle Beginning.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Wow, and darn. Is it too late for her to bill now, if I've paid cash? I should ask.


----------



## AllisonK

Hello all I am not a military mom but have some questions if you don't mind. DH called today and said what about the Navy etc etc. I thought he was joking.







Well tonight he came home and told me he has an appt with a recruiter. Its definately a joint decision but he wanted to get more information.

I have no experience with this! I'm a little shocked but open to the idea. He would be entering as an officer and working (I am assuming) as a therapist (he has his MSW and soon to be LCSW). The person he spoke with said he would not be out on a boat but he called it something else.

So tell me about well anything you think I should know. I have no idea what to even ask. I mean we have 4 kids is this just a crazy idea? Obviously people in the military have children but this is all new to me and my mind is kind of whirrling around. I guess he says this would be a great way for him to get a lot of his student loans paid off as well as do some great work. He has always talked about either working with veterans or children. Right now he is working with children.

Thanks and hope I am not invading.


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I'm pretty sure that most midwives in WA (at least of those who accept insurance at all) take Tricare out of network. You would probably need to be on Tricare Standard if you want reimbursement. Check out The Birthing Inn

http://www.thebirthinginn.com

There are lots of midwives listed there - try e-mailing one of them.

sadly The Birthing Inn itself does not take tricare, this makes me so bummed, it is where i would most want to give birth in our area


----------



## EdnaMarie

So tell me about well anything you think I should know. I have no idea what to even

Quote:

ask. I mean we have 4 kids is this just a crazy idea? Obviously people in the military have children but this is all new to me and my mind is kind of whirrling around. I guess he says this would be a great way for him to get a lot of his student loans paid off as well as do some great work. He has always talked about either working with veterans or children. Right now he is working with children.
I was surprised when mine came to me about the army. We both love to travel, the military takes care of it, and economically it is really great. We are getting the equivalent of 1,500 in health benefits alone. Is that worth the separation?

I hope the recruiter is not playing down the possiblity of combat, though. I do not know the chances of combat in the navy, but the fact is, everybody serves... I just hope your husband is prepared for deployment to the Middle East, even if he will be working with vets and kids when not deployed, you know? My husband is in training with kids who STILL think they might not go to Afghanistan or Iraq, and they are Army!

The education funds are awesome, though.


----------



## AllisonK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
So tell me about well anything you think I should know. I have no idea what to even

I was surprised when mine came to me about the army. We both love to travel, the military takes care of it, and economically it is really great. We are getting the equivalent of 1,500 in health benefits alone. Is that worth the separation?

I hope the recruiter is not playing down the possiblity of combat, though. I do not know the chances of combat in the navy, but the fact is, everybody serves... I just hope your husband is prepared for deployment to the Middle East, even if he will be working with vets and kids when not deployed, you know? My husband is in training with kids who STILL think they might not go to Afghanistan or Iraq, and they are Army!

The education funds are awesome, though.

This I don't get. I think I am just so out of the loop in how the military works.







How would a therapist be in combat? He was told over the phone (yeah I know this guy does not have all the answers) that we would be stationed on a base somewhere in the world. So I know there is no knowing where we would go which I could deal with.







But I'm going to be honest if combat is part of it then I will not agree to this.


----------



## Aka mommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
This I don't get. I think I am just so out of the loop in how the military works.







How would a therapist be in combat? He was told over the phone (yeah I know this guy does not have all the answers) that we would be stationed on a base somewhere in the world. So I know there is no knowing where we would go which I could deal with.







But I'm going to be honest if combat is part of it then I will not agree to this.

My dh just enlisted and joined the National Guard Reserves. The recruiter made it clear that any military member is ALWAYS deployable should the need arise, especially if something happened on our own soil. But there are ways to lessen your odds of being in a deployable unit depending on your MOS. Also, depending on ASVAB scores you can qualify for a program i think called School First? Not sure of the specific title for it, but it allows the soldier to choose to go to school first for 2 years and in writing is nondeployable for as long as he is enrolled in school full time. My dh was able to get this, and it is written into his orders which is a nice little sigh of relief.

I personally wouldn't trust the recruiter 100%. But i am not a trusting person. We had 2 very close friends of the family who are active duty National Guard and they helped us weigh the pros and cons and navigate the system so that DH would be in a MOS is less deployable AND would enable him to get a full time federal job locally. But we are reserves, not active duty. Another thing that helped me feel safer with our decision.

Currently dh is gone for 8 months at BCT and then AIT in the south and we miss him terribly, but knowing he is safe on US soil makes it manageable. Plus i read about other wive's going through deployment and I have nothing to complain about. We spent over 8 months learning, discussing, praying and talking to our friends before dh enlisted in the Nat'l Guard. So far, I'm happy with it. It's a HUGE pay cut for us, but the insurance rocks, the stability is there and upward motility is always available depending on how hard he works.


----------



## AllisonK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aka mommy* 
My dh just enlisted and joined the National Guard Reserves. The recruiter made it clear that any military member is ALWAYS deployable should the need arise, especially if something happened on our own soil. But there are ways to lessen your odds of being in a deployable unit depending on your MOS. Also, depending on ASVAB scores you can qualify for a program i think called School First? Not sure of the specific title for it, but it allows the soldier to choose to go to school first for 2 years and in writing is nondeployable for as long as he is enrolled in school full time. My dh was able to get this, and it is written into his orders which is a nice little sigh of relief.

I personally wouldn't trust the recruiter 100%. But i am not a trusting person. We had 2 very close friends of the family who are active duty National Guard and they helped us weigh the pros and cons and navigate the system so that DH would be in a MOS is less deployable AND would enable him to get a full time federal job locally. But we are reserves, not active duty. Another thing that helped me feel safer with our decision.

Currently dh is gone for 8 months at BCT and then AIT in the south and we miss him terribly, but knowing he is safe on US soil makes it manageable. Plus i read about other wive's going through deployment and I have nothing to complain about. We spent over 8 months learning, discussing, praying and talking to our friends before dh enlisted in the Nat'l Guard. So far, I'm happy with it. It's a HUGE pay cut for us, but the insurance rocks, the stability is there and upward motility is always available depending on how hard he works.

BCT Basic Combat training??? And AIT - Automatic Identification Technology ?? MOS Military Occupational Specialty ?? Its a whole new language.







I don't think Joe would do the School program as he all ready has his masters degree and has been working in the field for three years all ready. He will be a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) by the end of the month. His appt is on Tuesday so I have several days to wait for some answers. He would be part of the Medical Service Corps.


----------



## Aka mommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
BCT Basic Combat training??? And AIT - Automatic Identification Technology ?? MOS Military Occupational Specialty ?? Its a whole new language.







I don't think Joe would do the School program as he all ready has his masters degree and has been working in the field for three years all ready. He will be a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) by the end of the month. His appt is on Tuesday so I have several days to wait for some answers. He would be part of the Medical Service Corps.









Yes a completely new language and I don't know much more then that. It's all i have gotten down pat i swear!


----------



## MangoMommy

I'm NAK but some of the info will be Navy specific. DH is a naval career counselor (enlisted side) and is a good source of info. BCT/MOS/AIT are army terms.


----------



## BaMo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tryingforbaby* 
Welcome to the gulf coast. I am in Pcola.









: I'm in Milton.


----------



## AllisonK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MangoMommy* 
I'm NAK but some of the info will be Navy specific. DH is a naval career counselor (enlisted side) and is a good source of info. BCT/MOS/AIT are army terms.

Thanks! I was just googling the antonyms and picking the ones that sounded military like.









Can I ask more questions?







What is it like living on a base? I hear military base and think guns and seriousness and quiet. Can the kids be kids? Can they ride their bikes and play outside and be loud? These are probably really dumb questions.







What about gardening and clotheslines? I love to garden and line dry my clothes.







We can't get any other answers until Tuesday so I will ask the dumb questions now.







What about homeschooling do some people homeschool? Just trying to get a picture of life on a base.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:

But there are ways to lessen your odds of being in a deployable unit depending on your MOS.
Not in the army. Nobody is going to give one guy three deployments and another, zero. There are people who have been out two, three, four or more times. So no MOS is free from that.

However, Afghanistan being a land-locked country without even any really major lakes, and with decreases in Iraq (or at least not another surge), the navy may be the safest branch.

However, Pakistan has enough beaches. Nobody who is not prepared for combat missions should join the military, in my opinion. The purpose of the military is combat. Preparation, soldier education, support, etc. are all secondary to the primary goal.

However, you may not have to be on base and I've only been on one as an adult- Ft. Lewis and kids were all over having fun. Except for the whole deployment thing, which is hard on kids, well everyone but especially kids, the military seems very kid-friendly so far. Didn't see any laundry hanging out but didn't see any soldiers patrolling for it, either.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
This I don't get. I think I am just so out of the loop in how the military works.







How would a therapist be in combat? He was told over the phone (yeah I know this guy does not have all the answers) that we would be stationed on a base somewhere in the world. So I know there is no knowing where we would go which I could deal with.







But I'm going to be honest if combat is part of it then I will not agree to this.

Easily...soldiers that are deployed need therapy and counseling, too. I'm in Afghanistan and the guy on my right is in the Navy and on the left is Army. We're all Intel, though. While we do office type work, we're still getting rockets shot at us every few days. You may be less likely to be deployed, but that's about all they can guarantee.

You can come down on individual taskings, even if your unit is not deploying. That's how I got to where I am right now.


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
Thanks! I was just googling the antonyms and picking the ones that sounded military like.









Can I ask more questions?







What is it like living on a base? I hear military base and think guns and seriousness and quiet. Can the kids be kids? Can they ride their bikes and play outside and be loud? These are probably really dumb questions.







What about gardening and clotheslines? I love to garden and line dry my clothes.







We can't get any other answers until Tuesday so I will ask the dumb questions now.







What about homeschooling do some people homeschool? Just trying to get a picture of life on a base.









There are a bunch of military homeschoolers, that will fit right in. Gardening can be good BUT the soil is sometimes not the best or even can have contaminants as military bases don't have to live to the same standard as state.

Your kids can be as wild and loud as they like and there are playgroups to make it happen even more.

Line drying is a *maybe* depending on housing area BUT on base you pay no utilities so at least your personal cost for drying in a drier won't be a problem.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
So tell me about well anything you think I should know. I have no idea what to even ask. I mean we have 4 kids is this just a crazy idea? Obviously people in the military have children but this is all new to me and my mind is kind of whirling around. I guess he says this would be a great way for him to get a lot of his student loans paid off as well as do some great work. He has always talked about either working with veterans or children. Right now he is working with children.

The children thing is no big deal - lots of military families have kids and bases can be a great place to live with playgrounds and a family friendly atmosphere. I like to live off base because I don't like living in suburbia with all the people my husband works with - too many nosy Nellies.

His best chance is to work with veterans who are still in, or at a military hospitals with those who are out.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
How would a therapist be in combat? He was told over the phone (yeah I know this guy does not have all the answers) that we would be stationed on a base somewhere in the world.

There are recruiter wives on this thread who will disagree with me.

Don't trust a single damn thing the recruiter says if it's not in writing. Make sure he's talking to an OFFICER RECRUITER - he can end up enlisted with a masters degree with the wrong recruiter (I know one person this happened to personally).

The therapists go where the unit they are in charge of go - on a ship, to combat, etc. They have to be there for the immediate debrief because we need the soldiers back in combat asap.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
I don't think Joe would do the School program as he all ready has his masters degree and has been working in the field for three years all ready.

He will go to OCS - Officer Candidate School - it's an 8 week boot camp for officers to be commissioned.


----------



## Soul-O

Hi Allison:

WRT base/post living... we love it because it really is an instant community network for our kids. I've lived on three Army posts so far, and all of them are great places for families. The houses might not be so great - old, small, sometimes in need of renovation - but the streets are quiet, people watch out for each other, and there are loads of kids of every age for your children to befriend.


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
Can I ask more questions?







What is it like living on a base? I hear military base and think guns and seriousness and quiet. Can the kids be kids? Can they ride their bikes and play outside and be loud? These are probably really dumb questions.







What about gardening and clotheslines? I love to garden and line dry my clothes.







We can't get any other answers until Tuesday so I will ask the dumb questions now.







What about homeschooling do some people homeschool? Just trying to get a picture of life on a base.









I like living on a military base. We have a really nice house here- there is no way we could afford to rent a house this nice out in town. This is the only base I've lived on but here, everything is grouped into areas. The housing areas are separate from the training areas. Kids are playing outside all day long here. Everyone has a small space if they want to garden. I don't because I don't have a green thumb. The soil where I am is really dry and not the best but some make it work. I don't have a backyard so I don't have a clothesline set up but I could probably put one on my deck. My base has a bowling alley, a movie theater, gyms, fast food places, car repair shop, movie and game rental, electonic and furniture stores, a department store... it's like a little town.


----------



## AllisonK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 
The therapists go where the unit they are in charge of go - on a ship, to combat, etc. They have to be there for the immediate debrief because we need the soldiers back in combat asap.

Thanks! This makes sense. I think I needed it broken down simple for me.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 
He will go to OCS - Officer Candidate School - it's an 8 week boot camp for officers to be commissioned.

Yeah we know about this one.









He was originally talking to one recruiter who then passed him to someone higher up because of Joe's education so I am assuming its the Officer Recruiter.

Thank you everyone for all the answers now we just wait for Tuesday.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
Thanks! I was just googling the antonyms and picking the ones that sounded military like.









Can I ask more questions?







What is it like living on a base? I hear military base and think guns and seriousness and quiet. Can the kids be kids? Can they ride their bikes and play outside and be loud? These are probably really dumb questions.







What about gardening and clotheslines? I love to garden and line dry my clothes.







We can't get any other answers until Tuesday so I will ask the dumb questions now.







What about homeschooling do some people homeschool? Just trying to get a picture of life on a base.









I also like living on base. I feel more secure and safe (although I know nothing is 100% safe). I feel comfortable letting my oldest child go out to play alone. There are tons of kids around. I also like being close to the commissary and px and having my husband home for lunch every day. A lot of bases are renovating their houses and/or building new ones. We were lucky and got a new house that's a lot bigger than what we could probably get off post with our BAH.

There is a huge homeschooling community in this area and a big homeschooling group on Ft. Lewis, so yes, people homeschool.


----------



## AllisonK

More questions.









What do your living expenses look like on base?
Someone mentioned utilities were paid. Is this w/s/g? Electric? Assuming you pay your own phone/internet?
Rent on base, everyone says its cheap but what is your idea of cheap?







Right now we pay $945 for a 3 bd 2 bath, garage, and huge yard big enough for gardening and chickens. I know the chickens would have to go.








Are all bases similar in pricing and what is paid?
What are the backyards like on base (size)? Fully fenced? Do you do the yard work?

This sounds bad in my head but I don't know how to say it any other way.







Anyone go into the military just for the money aspect of it? DH and I both agree that the financial aspect of this is just amazing for us and he says that serving his country is an added plus.







No deployment is not an option (







) but as he would not be in a combat zone we are thinking we are okay with it (depending on some other circumstances). Funny how things have changed in my head. Several days ago I was saying deployment is not an option.







So my other question: Those who have experienced deployment is it worth it for you? Would you go into this with the idea that your debt would be paid off in exchange for what your DH's are doing? Having never experienced deployment or anything similar I just want a clear picture of it.







Its not like this is something we can change our minds on once we have committed, you know?

ETA: Sorry I have a smilie addiction.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
More questions.









What do your living expenses look like on base?
Someone mentioned utilities were paid. Is this w/s/g? Electric? Assuming you pay your own phone/internet?
Rent on base, everyone says its cheap but what is your idea of cheap?







Right now we pay $945 for a 3 bd 2 bath, garage, and huge yard big enough for gardening and chickens. I know the chickens would have to go.








Are all bases similar in pricing and what is paid?
What are the backyards like on base (size)? Fully fenced? Do you do the yard work?

This sounds bad in my head but I don't know how to say it any other way.







Anyone go into the military just for the money aspect of it? DH and I both agree that the financial aspect of this is just amazing for us and he says that serving his country is an added plus.







No deployment is not an option (







) but as he would not be in a combat zone we are thinking we are okay with it (depending on some other circumstances). Funny how things have changed in my head. Several days ago I was saying deployment is not an option.







So my other question: Those who have experienced deployment is it worth it for you? Would you go into this with the idea that your debt would be paid off in exchange for what your DH's are doing? Having never experienced deployment or anything similar I just want a clear picture of it.







Its not like this is something we can change our minds on once we have committed, you know?

ETA: Sorry I have a smilie addiction.

I'm coming in late on this but I've had my hands full lately









For housing on post, your BAH is automatically taken out on his paycheck every month. How much you get will depend on what city you end up in as it varies, but to get an idea you can check out BAH charts online. Utilities are included in that. Internet and phone are not included. For us, yard work is done by private contractors as long as the yard is picked up, you can also choose to do it yourself (I don't). Fencing is something you have to pay for yourself and hire someone to do. I pay $38 a month to rent a fence and had it installed for about $250, once we move the company comes in and takes it out for us. There are regulations as far as what you can do with your yard, pets, etc.

I am typically the voice of dissent on this issue but I hate deployments, regardless of money. We went into this with a bucket load of debt and honestly if I could have my husband home I would. I am very self-reliant but it hurts to have him missing out on so much. If my current life circumstances were different at this point it probably wouldn't be so bad, but I just suck it up and truck on. That being said, I'm very proud of him and proud of myself as well. As the saying goes "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

Now I'm going to go read up on what else I missed


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:

nyone go into the military just for the money aspect of it?
Not only money, but security, very much so.

Isn't base housing essentially free? Because you get a housing allowance...


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Not only money, but security, very much so.

Isn't base housing essentially free? Because you get a housing allowance...

Technically, no. Living off post would mean you would have BAH added to your paycheck, so you could rent a house for less than BAH and be taking in more money. If you live on post, they take a pre-determined amount out of your paycheck every month and you never see it.


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 

I am typically the voice of dissent on this issue but I hate deployments, regardless of money. *We went into this with a bucket load of debt and honestly if I could have my husband home I would.* I am very self-reliant but it hurts to have him missing out on so much. If my current life circumstances were different at this point it probably wouldn't be so bad, but I just suck it up and truck on. That being said, I'm very proud of him and proud of myself as well. As the saying goes "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

Now I'm going to go read up on what else I missed

















: I'd trade being in debt for another 5 years to have him home & safe in my arms at this point. I can't imagine feeling otherwise but different strokes I guess.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarlaC* 







: I'd trade being in debt for another 5 years to have him home & safe in my arms at this point. I can't imagine feeling otherwise but different strokes I guess.

I think most women who've had to birth and raise babies during deployments without their DH's share this sentiment, you really can't make a trade-off in this kind of situation.

How are you doing? Did you have any luck finding a doula?


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
This I don't get. I think I am just so out of the loop in how the military works.







How would a therapist be in combat?

my beloved is in a combat stress unit, he works with a ton on mental health folks and just spent 11 months in iraq. a therapist is a much needed person over there!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
What about gardening and clotheslines? I love to garden and line dry my clothes.

many housing areas have lots of rules, most do not allow clotheslines, some they just need to be out back. as for gardening, my area did not let you plant anything but annuals, but most vegetables fall in that category. better yet i got into container gardening, that way i get t move them all with me!

good luck with all the new stuff


----------



## meganbarr

Finances were a big part of DHs decision to join the AF. Granted, the pay is not spectacular, but it will always be there. We dont have to worry about him being layed off or taking a pay cut. We dont have to worry about health care expenses or not having a place to live. Those things are very important to us.

A guy in my husband's flight just got married and decided to do a voluntary deployment out of his career field (as a convoy driver in Iraq) in order to pay for his wedding and save for their future family. So, yes some people do chose to do things like that. Personally, I wouldnt want my DH in a dangerous position for money. However, some men (and women) are eagar to go to war and serve their country- this doesnt make them selfish or wrong IMO.

When DH first joined the AF I felt like his family wanted me to be more against it. However, I am all for it. I am INCREDIBLY proud of him for serving his country and he is an amazing role model for our children. Deployments happen, but for me they arent the end of the world- just part of the job. I could be totally wrong but I think a lot of military spouses are sort of looked at as uncaring if they are totally supportive of their spouses going to war to serve their country.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
This sounds bad in my head but I don't know how to say it any other way.







Anyone go into the military just for the money aspect of it? DH and I both agree that the financial aspect of this is just amazing for us and he says that serving his country is an added plus.







No deployment is not an option (







) but as he would not be in a combat zone we are thinking we are okay with it (depending on some other circumstances). Funny how things have changed in my head. Several days ago I was saying deployment is not an option.







So my other question: Those who have experienced deployment is it worth it for you? *Would you go into this with the idea that your debt would be paid off in exchange for what your DH's are doing?* Having never experienced deployment or anything similar I just want a clear picture of it.







Its not like this is something we can change our minds on once we have committed, you know?

*DH's aren't the only ones here who deploy.







:

I'm not sure what you mean "not in a combat zone". I'd really caution you to take a look at what you think that means and make sure what you define as non-combat really is that. He may not be an infantryman but there's no such thing as a not being in a combat area in Iraq/Afghanistan. They're shooting rockets at the FOBs, convoys get hit with IEDs daily, helicopters get shot at. Moving from here to there is the dangerous part. A contractor blew himself up in a chow hall. It's dangerous everywhere.

I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just being honest.

We didn't go into this with money as a deciding factor. However, as we've progressed in our careers, the money is great. Additionally, the health benefits are amazing, too.

Deployments are a fact of life. The money does make it better but they're always there. While in Ranger Bn, DH was gone about 1/2 the time. 3 months here, 3 months gone. We've have a break with his being an instructor, but he goes back in December and will pick it right back up. We just look at the money as a silver lining to a cloud.

Honestly? If it were time to re-enlist and I could do a 3 month deployment and re-enlist during, I'd do it for the money. 3 months is nothing and your wages and the bonus are tax free. Would I do another year again after this? Probably not voluntarily.







:


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
He was originally talking to one recruiter who then passed him to someone higher up because of Joe's education so I am assuming its the Officer Recruiter.

DOUBLE CHECK. It might not be, really. Make SURE in WRITING.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
More questions.









What do your living expenses look like on base?
Someone mentioned utilities were paid. Is this w/s/g? Electric? Assuming you pay your own phone/internet?
Rent on base, everyone says its cheap but what is your idea of cheap?







Right now we pay $945 for a 3 bd 2 bath, garage, and huge yard big enough for gardening and chickens. I know the chickens would have to go.








Are all bases similar in pricing and what is paid?
What are the backyards like on base (size)? Fully fenced? Do you do the yard work?

Cheap is that your bills are for phone/internet only. Water/Electric, etc. are included. You do often have to do yardwork ie. grass can't be higher than x inches.
Your size of house/bedrooms is based on rank/number of children. NOT what you "want" because you might own furniture for a guest room. As an O4 at 16 years we can get a 3 bedroom now even though we have only one child but our friends who are O3 with a similar age child were offered only a two bedroom on base house.
Also - your base house/utilities will cost ALL of your BAH for an area. So if COL is high it might be a deal, but if you can do better "in town" then you might want to. SOME people claim to save $ by living off base - I find it costs more, but it's worth it to me not to live within the military 24/7.

Each base has it's own BAH (you can look up charts online for each area - your husband would start as an O1 or O2 w/dependents - so you can see how much each area would give you. The thing is it's always 100% of your BAH so you guys could be paying $1000 based on your rank for an identical house that someone else is paying $800 for based on their rank/bah rate for the area.

Quote:

Several days ago I was saying deployment is not an option.







So my other question: Those who have experienced deployment is it worth it for you? Would you go into this with the idea that your debt would be paid off in exchange for what your DH's are doing?
For me - it's worth it. That being said my husband's deployment come with very little communication (3-5 emails in 6 months) but also not very much risk (he's not holding a gun in a war zone). For me it's all about living on my own and knowing my abilities/power to run my life and my child's life in a healthy way and valuing him when he's home since it's so rare.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
More questions.









What do your living expenses look like on base?
Someone mentioned utilities were paid. Is this w/s/g? Electric? Assuming you pay your own phone/internet?
Rent on base, everyone says its cheap but what is your idea of cheap?







Right now we pay $945 for a 3 bd 2 bath, garage, and huge yard big enough for gardening and chickens. I know the chickens would have to go.








Are all bases similar in pricing and what is paid?
What are the backyards like on base (size)? Fully fenced? Do you do the yard work?

This sounds bad in my head but I don't know how to say it any other way.







Anyone go into the military just for the money aspect of it? DH and I both agree that the financial aspect of this is just amazing for us and he says that serving his country is an added plus.







No deployment is not an option (







) but as he would not be in a combat zone we are thinking we are okay with it (depending on some other circumstances). Funny how things have changed in my head. Several days ago I was saying deployment is not an option.







So my other question: Those who have experienced deployment is it worth it for you? Would you go into this with the idea that your debt would be paid off in exchange for what your DH's are doing? Having never experienced deployment or anything similar I just want a clear picture of it.







Its not like this is something we can change our minds on once we have committed, you know?

ETA: Sorry I have a smilie addiction.


We chose to live off base for a few reasons. #1 is privacy and autonomy. We own our home, we can do whatever we want with our house and our yard; dh can collect all the knives and firearms he wants







. We have a much larger house/yard than what we could get on base. There are no inspections. #2 we get to keep our left over BAH after our mortgage and utilities are paid. It typically more than covers those things. That money is being invested in our home rather than going down the rent drain. #3 Dh needs to feel like he leaves work behind on the base.

As far as deployments. For our family, it was not worth the money at all. Dh suffered a lot of depression while he was there, and after he came home, and the entire thing really embittered him. We got burnt bad on his travel expenses, and never got reimbursed. No amount of money can replace time spent with your family- for us that is more important.

I think back when he was 18-19 and joined the AF, dh saw it as a career, as job security, as an adventure, travel opportunities. In the last 6 years that has drastically changed. He feels very trapped and stifled. We've also had some real negative experiences with the other folks in his squadron.

I agree with the other mamas about the whole 'no combat zone' line, that seems very unlikely, I would be HIGHLY skeptical of that.

As you can see, everyone's experience is going to be different. Good luck with your decision!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
*DH's aren't the only ones here who deploy.







:

I'm not sure what you mean "not in a combat zone". I'd really caution you to take a look at what you think that means and make sure what you define as non-combat really is that. He may not be an infantryman but there's no such thing as a not being in a combat area in Iraq/Afghanistan. They're shooting rockets at the FOBs, convoys get hit with IEDs daily, helicopters get shot at. Moving from here to there is the dangerous part. A contractor blew himself up in a chow hall. It's dangerous everywhere.










:

Lots of accidents happen as well, we've already lost some in our unit due to accidents. My DH is intel, I'm thinking you might be in the same area. If 3 month deployments were an option (they never would be in the Army) I would say heck yeah, I can live with 3 months. But 12-15 months at a time? Forget it.

Allison - I didn't see the part about him being an officer. My DH just made O2, when he was an O1 and we had one child we were given a 3 bed/2 bath. We've been offered a 4 bedroom now but I don't want to move again on my own so we will wait until he's home. It really depends on what's available for wherever you end up, a lot of new housing is going up everywhere so that is a plus.


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## AllisonK

Thanks everyone! I really want to hear everything about this bad and good. I guess I am defining a "combat zone" as the front lines shooting at people/being shot at. I know that things can happen anywhere but the chances are smaller than if he were in the thick of it. At least in my head please correct me if I am mistaken.

I don't think I could do 12-15 month deployments at all. But I _think_ 3-6 month is doable but won't be great. I can't really say how I would react as I have never done it but if we do this I'll make the best of it.









We will definetly get everything in writing!!


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:

there's no such thing as a not being in a combat area in Iraq/Afghanistan.
As someone who worked in humanitarian aid in Afghanistan, with colleagues in Iraq, I would like to second this. Afghanistan is a combat zone. There is nowhere in Afghanistan where civilians are not regularly hunkering down. And if there is, by chance, you can be sure there are no troops there.

Allison- no recruiter can guarantee a length of deployment. The guys and gals who are there now may have already FINISHED their contracts and gotten involuntarily extended by the army as they are reserves. Again, keep in mind that some people have been three, four, or more times. I really, really would go into it knowing that your husband is effectively signing up for year-long deployments and a major change in his life and personality.

No recruiter will tell you that because recruiters get bonuses for signing up people (especially educated people, they get more money for that) and they are not going to tell you that yes, your worst fears will be realized. I don't want to sound harsh because you know, we signed up! But I would hate for you to think that the best-case scenario is at all likely. After all... the country is at war.









Quote:

We chose to live off base for a few reasons.
You can CHOOSE to live off base even if you get selected for base housing? YAY!!!!


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## AllisonK

Thanks everyone!! The meeting went really well yesterday and we are starting the process. Though we can still back out right now if we choose to do so. He also needs a medical waiver for two seperate things (nothing serious or disabling though) so that could end the process as well. Thank you so much for all the answers to my endless questions! I may stop in occasionally with a question. If anyone is a Navy spouse who would be willing to answer questions through email I would love to have that opportunity. You can PM me or email me through MDC if interested.







Are there any active military forums any where? I have found a bunch but none are super active.


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## DoulamamaOE

Hi Ladies! It's been awhile since I've posted. We've been pretty busy. DH is in california with the Marine Reserves until Sunday (just his 2 weeks in the summer thing) then back to the recruiter and MEPS for the Navy. I'm really hoping things start taking off!! I can't stand this in between thing, though I know it's the name of the Navy game!! LOL Just popping in to say "hi" and I'm still here!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
Thanks everyone!! The meeting went really well yesterday and we are starting the process. Though we can still back out right now if we choose to do so. He also needs a medical waiver for two seperate things (nothing serious or disabling though) so that could end the process as well. Thank you so much for all the answers to my endless questions! I may stop in occasionally with a question. If anyone is a Navy spouse who would be willing to answer questions through email I would love to have that opportunity. You can PM me or email me through MDC if interested.







Are there any active military forums any where? I have found a bunch but none are super active.

I'm glad we were able to answer questions for you!

Do you mean military forums on other websites? I stay away from them, too much drama.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DoulamamaOE* 
Hi Ladies! It's been awhile since I've posted. We've been pretty busy. DH is in california with the Marine Reserves until Sunday (just his 2 weeks in the summer thing) then back to the recruiter and MEPS for the Navy. I'm really hoping things start taking off!! I can't stand this in between thing, though I know it's the name of the Navy game!! LOL Just popping in to say "hi" and I'm still here!


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## AllisonK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Do you mean military forums on other websites? I stay away from them, too much drama.

Yeah I did. Drama is so not what I need.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
Yeah I did. Drama is so not what I need.









I stick around here, we are the perfect AP/military package all rolled into one







Odds are you will always find people in your area through here no matter where you end up.


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## MangoMommy

I'm on a few military wives forums...not sure if I'm allowed to link them here. Just google operation homefront, they have forums and I've found them in general to be fine. The forums are under "links" on the left side. There is a mix of mainstream and some crunchy in there too.

I'm a Navy wife, have been for over 14 yrs. DH is enlisted though, so I'm not sure if I can answer all questions.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MangoMommy* 
I'm on a few military wives forums...not sure if I'm allowed to link them here. Just google operation homefront, they have forums and I've found them in general to be fine. The forums are under "links" on the left side. There is a mix of mainstream and some crunchy in there too.

I'm a Navy wife, have been for over 14 yrs. DH is enlisted though, so I'm not sure if I can answer all questions.

You can PM them to her


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## UhOhWhatNow

Hi, just found this. I'm a Coastie wife







No idea where we'll end up next year. I only know a few military moms and they're all the opposite of me in parenting, so this is cool.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UhOhWhatNow* 
Hi, just found this. I'm a Coastie wife







No idea where we'll end up next year. I only know a few military moms and they're all the opposite of me in parenting, so this is cool.

Welcome! Glad you found us


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## DoulamamaOE

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UhOhWhatNow* 
Hi, just found this. I'm a Coastie wife







No idea where we'll end up next year. I only know a few military moms and they're all the opposite of me in parenting, so this is cool.

Welcome!!







: Glad you found us!!


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## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I'm glad we were able to answer questions for you!

Do you mean military forums on other websites? I stay away from them, too much drama.









: Drama & the 'old timers' just waiting to jump on any thing they can to nit pick about from what I've found.

Welcome to the newcomers in the thread. I really have to remember to check in more.


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## UhOhWhatNow

Thanks!!!


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## tryingforbaby

Hi mommas... yike its past 3am and I can't sleep. I need to vent what is on my mind so hear me out and reply back if you have any ideas. Hubby is planning on reentering the Army in Fall after being out for almost 4 years. We have talked to recuiters and now we just have to go in and sign papers. We decided to waite so that he dosen't get push through before fall. We currently live in the south and our extended family is in Wisconsin. In 3 weeks we are going for a visit and thought it would be best to tell them in person when we get there. My brother is Navy and was going to be going to WI at the same time but things have changed. Today... yesterday when I talked to him I jokingly said to him thank you for canceling your trip now hubby and I won't have you to help be a buffer. My brother told me to waite until after we get back home from vacation and write a letter to my parents. They have never been supportive of him being in the Navy. When ever he is close to re-enlistment they both plan a trip to see him with one goal in mind... get him to get out of the Navy. They always tell him that yes we are proud of what you do but now its time to get out. Dad cut the tool belt strings already! When we go back we were planning on staying at my dad and stepmom's house. I am almost tempted to ask my mIL to let us stay by her. Hubby dosen't like the idea of the letter neither do I. We won't do that. But goodness thanks brother! Well really tahnks Navy for not helping me! Oh and I am so excited hubby has been talking about not waiting so long to sign paper!!!


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UhOhWhatNow* 
Hi, just found this. I'm a Coastie wife







No idea where we'll end up next year. I only know a few military moms and they're all the opposite of me in parenting, so this is cool.

I know at least two really crunchy Coastie wives - they are out there









Quote:


Originally Posted by *tryingforbaby* 
Hi mommas... yike its past 3am and I can't sleep. I need to vent what is on my mind so hear me out and reply back if you have any ideas. Hubby is planning on reentering the Army in Fall after being out for almost 4 years. We have talked to recuiters and now we just have to go in and sign papers. We decided to waite so that he dosen't get push through before fall. We currently live in the south and our extended family is in Wisconsin. In 3 weeks we are going for a visit and thought it would be best to tell them in person when we get there. My brother is Navy and was going to be going to WI at the same time but things have changed. Today... yesterday when I talked to him I jokingly said to him thank you for canceling your trip now hubby and I won't have you to help be a buffer. My brother told me to waite until after we get back home from vacation and write a letter to my parents. They have never been supportive of him being in the Navy. When ever he is close to re-enlistment they both plan a trip to see him with one goal in mind... get him to get out of the Navy. They always tell him that yes we are proud of what you do but now its time to get out. Dad cut the tool belt strings already! When we go back we were planning on staying at my dad and stepmom's house. I am almost tempted to ask my mIL to let us stay by her. Hubby dosen't like the idea of the letter neither do I. We won't do that. But goodness thanks brother! Well really tahnks Navy for not helping me! Oh and I am so excited hubby has been talking about not waiting so long to sign paper!!!

I'm not sure what your question is?

How to deal with non-supportive parents? I'd say get the two of you strong and sure about what you are going to do and go in with a plan - don't wait until they confront you - have a one-sentence answer "this choice is something we've made as a family and it's not up for discussion" or something similar. Rinse, wash, repeat as many times as necessary.


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## tryingforbaby

Thank you I really don't know what my question really was (it was 3am) so I just needed to vent what was keeping me awake. But thank you for your advice. The news will deffiently come from us and we will tell them when we are visiting, could make far a very intresting vacation. But your right we need a "tag line"


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## kengdahl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
I ladies, I have a Tricare question. Is anyone using Tricare Standard for their family? If yes, how much does it really cost you in the end?
We arrived in Cheyenne, FE Warren AFB. You absolutely have to go to the base doctors as PCM. While I am "lucky" and seen by flight medicine who has a lower case load, DS has to be seen by the pediatric NP. The ped herself I was told does not see children unless they have chronic diseases, every healthy child is just seen by the NP. They do not do 9 months WBV as they have too little capacity. I was informed that if I call them to schedule a sick call appointment, it will take at least 5 business days before they see DS. They also told me they rarely give you urgent care referrals and prefer you wait it out for 5 days. That sucks big time, in 5 business days, you can develop the worst sickness!!! I called Triwest and they said tough luck, that's how it is, if you want more available service, switch to Standard.
Anyone any idea how much it is or if I can do something else about this situation?


Nia82,
We're a military family and both I and my daughter are on Tricare Standard. I chose it because I was tired of the lack of continuity of care, inability to be seen when I wanted to be seen, the overall cattle call feeling of a military pediatrics waiting room, and the ability to find healthcare providers that were a little more open to alternative approaches (my daughter is not vaccinated.)

Tricare Standard will definitely have out of pocket expenses and you'll have to decide if they fit in your budget. The expenses are capped at $1000 in a given year - meaning you'll never pay more than $1000. You are obligated to pay 20% of the allowable charges for the first doc visit (provided it's a network provider) so the first visit may be a sticker shock of sorts, but subsequent visits for the year (wbv, sick visits, etc.) will be cheaper. But it can add up. For my daughter this past year we've paid out about $175 and approximately $200 for myself and we have not had an unusual amount of doctor visits - couple of rashes, well child visits, one ER, etc.

If you stay within Prime, I'm afraid I don't have words of wisdom for you. I'm unfamiliar with the Cheyenne area or the Warren AFB. You may find you love an NP there and are ok with not seeing an MD. I've often times found them to be more responsive than an MD with more time to really talk about concerns. The 5 day waiting for a sick call BLOWS though. Schmooze the appointment guy. He or she may tell you that "rash" or some other word is the magic word that bumps you to the top of the list. That happened to me at Balboa and with profuse apologies to the women I leapt-frogged over, I used it shamelessly.

Hope this helps.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 

I'm not sure what your question is?

How to deal with non-supportive parents? I'd say get the two of you strong and sure about what you are going to do and go in with a plan - don't wait until they confront you - have a one-sentence answer "this choice is something we've made as a family and it's not up for discussion" or something similar. Rinse, wash, repeat as many times as necessary.

Agreed. This approach works nicely for us as well.


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## EdnaMarie

We have Standard and although each individual care provider has been surprised- "doesn't everyone have prime now?"- most of them have seemed to agree that for pre, peri, and post-natal care, and family stuff, basically anything but surgery, standard is your best bet because of the choice, unless you are really, really struggling with money.

I'm used to private insurance with a big co-pay and a $1k deductible so for me, Tricare Standard seems really posh! I love it! I chose our pediatrician, chose our counselor, chose my women's health person... I've had probably $100 in co-pays and my $50 deductible so far but that's for two counseling sessions, two WBVs (with immunizations), and labwork with the women's health people. Not bad at all! It will go down now that we've got the deductible out of the way.

Choice is HUGE for me. Huge.

That said, I wouldn't mind being seen by an NP for most issues. Many people prefer it.


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## tryingforbaby

Hi ladies!

does anyone know anything about Army Warrior Training? I know that it is a 4 week alternitive to BCT for those re-entering the Army. What will our communication level be? Is it as limited as BCT? Will he have a graduation?

Thanks!


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## nia82

Thanks for your input! Last week I was a PITA on the phone til they gave us an urgent care referral. DS had been constipated forever. Turns out he is anemica (really anemic), he still hates solids. So we help him out with iron drops. As a follow up, the NP on base saw us. He was fine so far, he didn't ask why DS had no shots at all. Let's see how he'll be at the 12 months check up.

As for me, they refer you off base for female care anyways. I just don't know yet if they will refer me to a midwife in CO (we live in WY), but it is all Triwest, so I hope it will be fine. I will NEVER give birth in the local hospital, the obgyns there are your average nightmare.

DH is still in training and will start pulling alerts in mid-July.







I'll have a alarm system installed in the house, being alone for 30 hours 8 times a month is sort of scary for me.


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## gingerstar

My DH (in BCT) just called me from the ICU at Ft Benning, where he was taken after completing (he was really very clear on this point - he emphasized he DID complete it!) the obstacle course in the terrible heat. He apparently has rhabdomyolysis and is really hoping it doesn't go into kidney failure. He is eager to get back to training, but will be in the ICU for 24 - 48 hours.







:
It was so good to hear his voice, for only the second time in two weeks. I'm sure they treat this often enough to know what they are doing but I can't help but worry....


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## EdnaMarie

Gosh, gingerstar, that's horrible! I'm so sorry! I can't believe they were so careless! Well okay I can. My DH said that his Ssgs were super-vigilant about water and not too much in the heat, as they are responsible for hospitalizations. That is awful. I'm so, so sorry and I hope he gets better. How many weeks of BCT has he finished?


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## gingerstar

Thanks, EdnaMarie.
He's only been in two weeks. I'm just beginning to adjust to him being gone.
He just wants to be able to get back to training, but we have to wait and see how he recovers.
He said they may put him on heat profile - but how would that work in Benning in July?







: Too bad he can't do BCT in Alaska....
As much as I would like him to come home, this is what he really wants to do, so I am hoping he is able to finish his training.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar* 
My DH (in BCT) just called me from the ICU at Ft Benning, where he was taken after completing (he was really very clear on this point - he emphasized he DID complete it!) the obstacle course in the terrible heat. He apparently has rhabdomyolysis and is really hoping it doesn't go into kidney failure. He is eager to get back to training, but will be in the ICU for 24 - 48 hours.







:
It was so good to hear his voice, for only the second time in two weeks. I'm sure they treat this often enough to know what they are doing but I can't help but worry....

oh wow, that's horrible! I really hope he gets better soon!


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar* 
Thanks, EdnaMarie.
He's only been in two weeks. I'm just beginning to adjust to him being gone.
He just wants to be able to get back to training, but we have to wait and see how he recovers.
He said they may put him on heat profile - but how would that work in Benning in July?







: Too bad he can't do BCT in Alaska....
As much as I would like him to come home, this is what he really wants to do, so I am hoping he is able to finish his training.

You poor thing. I dunno, my DH said that at least half his marches were canceled due to lightning watches! So it's totally possible for someone just not to do a ton of marching. They had to make up some of their runs but not all the marches. Three guys didn't make it through BCT, though- but nothing as serious as what your husband faced. They just kept dropping out.

It would suck to go through that whole process and come home for medical reasons, it really, really would. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

One thing is, if they say he has to fully recover, he shouldn't push it. One thing to face combat, another thing to just ruin your health to prove a point. I hope he gets support. Maybe at least he will be moved to a later BCT, in the fall.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar* 
He said they may put him on heat profile - but how would that work in Benning in July?







: Too bad he can't do BCT in Alaska....

Ugh, that is horrible that he got sick. For the heat, they'll probably change his work/rest cycle. He'll take more breaks, they'll emphasize shade, etc.

He'll probably be marked as a former heat casualty, which isn't a bad thing, it's just a thing. It works the same if you have a cold weather injury. You're more susceptible to similar injuries in the future. They'll pay more attention to him, ask him how he's feeling, etc. Plus for any future training, they'll ID hot/cold weather casualties, season depending.

(The following isn't meant to be argumentative, just from my perspective)

And yes, it does suck that they're still training in the heat. However, it's a very important part of conditioning. Probably 50% of those guys will be in Iraq/Afghanistan in the next 6 months. It's already hitting 115 here and we're not even to July/Aug. Temps here can get into the 130s easily and there are times when we're wearing extra gear like body armor and it sucks even worse.


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## gingerstar

Thanks, Claire and EdnaMarie!

That's a good point, Sarah - over there you don't get to sit out in the shade or go in and refill your Camelback whenever you feel like it, I'm sure! I guess I'm so caught up in worry for him I hadn't seen that perspective. Thanks for the explanation as well. I'm glad I have you and this forum to help me out!

They told him that when his Sgt tells them to drink, he is to drink 2x as much as everyone else, and his Sgt said he no longer gets to say "I'm ok!" like he did before - I guess they know he's not a wendy whiner. So I'm glad they will be keeping a close eye on him.

They did keep him in, he is still in hospital right now, no sign of kidney damage but now my concern is for his "mental game" IYKWIM - he was in such a good place mentally, just really set to get through OSUT, and now he is so concerned about being a heat casualty again, it sounds like he is doubting himself and his ability to succeed, y'know? And I don't know what to tell him - I want to be encouraging and supportive, but not insensitive to what he has suffered.

He did say that his Sgt. has been great - two of them (?) have been visiting him and encouraging him that they will help him get through it, and he sounded more upbeat after that. (Although one of them pointed out that "the second heat injury is more likely to leave him drooling out one side of his mouth the rest of his life"...)

It has been nice talking to him, actually having conversations, rather than the five minutes every three weeks, but I just wish I knew the right thing to say.
Anyone have advice on that? He really wants to do this, and I know if conditions were better he'd do awesome; he just has concerns about doing his best with the fear of another heat injury looming over his head. It is hard to hear his self-doubt, y'know? (Not even mentioning the fragile male ego...







)


----------



## gingerstar

Oh, I just talked to him again - now he has pneumonia.







:


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar* 
Oh, I just talked to him again - now he has pneumonia.







:

oh no!


----------



## EdnaMarie

No advice, just







It must be so hard to get that far- two weeks is a lot in BCT. I'm really bad at not offending the male ego so I don't have and ideas on that. Maybe a card to the hospital with your picture and something to the effect of, "It's going to happen because you can do it, it's just a matter of time- we support you"?


----------



## gingerstar

Thanks, EdnaMarie - I like the sound of that. Positive without being Pollyanna-ish.

His concern now is being cycled back, starting with another group right from the start. (My concern is hospital-acquired MRSA based pneumonia!) Poor guy....


----------



## Katsmamajama

Both are legit concerns!









Being cycled may suck, but it would be better for him to make sure he's better, before going back too soon. I wish my husband would have, he had dislocated his shoulder in BCT, and he sucked it up the few weeks he needed to get through to AIT-- now, he still has issues with it halfway through his career. If he would have taken the time to do what the doctors needed to, yes, he would have been re-cycled, but he also may not have a problem with it today.

Hopefully he's not freezing in there, that can't help-- I've yet to walk into a military hospital where the A/C wasn't set at like 3 degrees above freezing!


----------



## gingerstar

Thanks, Angie - another good perspective. I am learning so much from you experienced ladies. I'm sorry it is from such a hard-earned lesson.

He hasn't said anything about the temp - but after heat exhaustion, it may have been a welcome change!

And his pay didn't hit today either, just to add insult to injury!







I guess we have to wait 'til the 15th.

Oops, I just realized it is now July, then, isn't it? Who starts the new thread? (I feel a bit too newbie!)


----------



## EdnaMarie

I am also too newb!


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## ~Katie~

Welcome to July! What are everyone's plans for the 4th?

For the Army newcomers, I always forget to post this link but marriedtothearmy.com is an excellent resource for answering a lot of questions you may have, in addition to us of course


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## ~Katie~

Thanks for reminding me! New thread!


----------



## gagin37

NAK, as usual, hehehe....

we've got surprise last minute company coming for the 4th, except i don't know what day/time/how long, etc., and they want to go to the beach.







: it would be great if people would let you know this stuff ahead of time. i don't do spontaneity well... one of the reasons I don't like being a military wife.


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## EdnaMarie

We are sick, so we'll see... fevers all 'round. We will probably go to the local parade if we feel okay.


----------



## ~Katie~

Sorry to hear about the last minute company, Claire. Its always better to have time to prepare for guests that's for sure.

I'm not sure what we'll be doing. Since its just us it might be kind of overwhelming to take them both over to the fair grounds for the fireworks by myself, but if I can find a good place to park and watch I may do that. Have you been to the fireworks here before, Claire?

My IL's are coming for a visit next week I believe. It will be nice to have two extra sets of hands to help out.


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## Katsmamajama

I hate it when that happens, Claire! DH's cousin did that a few weeks ago-- love him to death, but everything was so up in the air! It wasn't totally his fault, he's in the Navy and they just happened to be pulling into port at Pearl Harbor for awhile.

I don't think we have anything really planned. One of my friends who we would have had a 4th celebration with spent most of this week in the hospital, so I don't know.


----------



## MangoMommy

Hey Angie, I'm on O'ahu too, we are at PH! I have an 8.5 yr old DD (plus a 6 yr and newborn)

One good thing about Hawaii is we don't get too many unexpected visitors. Sometimes the odd friend or so of DH who is here for work (military) but those aren't long visits and they normally have a place to stay.

I think we are going to do the Block Party thing at PH, again. We've done it a few yrs in a row and it's easy and close, so that works. We have a newborn, not sure how long we'll be down there though.


----------



## DoulamamaOE

Not much going on here lately. We're doing the town carnival/ parade for the fourth and BBQ'ing with some friends that have a great view of the city fireworks show.

Ethan is crawling all over the place, YAY!!! Now I can't slack off and be online much though... It's a good thing though!!

Still no idea whats going on with DH's orders... Fun, Fun...


----------



## gingerstar

Thanks for starting the thread, Katie! I know you have your hands full - I just didn't feel qualified to start one, even though I was posting on 7/1.








I appreciate the resource, too!

My older girls are going to grandma's for the 3rd, so they are there for the morning of the 4th - they like to have a lemonade stand in grandma's driveway, since their local parade goes past her house. Last year they made like $16, and they were happy girls! Then grandma will bring them home so they can ride in our parade at noon on a hay wagon with the Girl Scout/Brownie troop.
My 3 yo DD and I will probably go to the Fireman's pancake breakfast, then collect candy while we watch her sisters in the parade, then a cookout at my mom's (my sister and BIL are coming down for the weekend - yay!) then watch fireworks over the lake nearby. Should be a fun weekend.

My DH is still in the hospital - they are going to do another chest Xray in the morning - his nurse told him she thinks "they got behind in it" which doesn't sound good.


----------



## Katsmamajama

The PH block party sounds a lot better than the Kansas concert on Schofield. You couldn't pay me enough to try to get on/off post there!


----------



## Sarah W

No big plans for the 4th. However, 4 of us are getting weighed and taped. They're doing "Biggest Loser Kandahar" and three of my roommates and I decided to make a team.







:


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Sorry to hear about the last minute company, Claire. Its always better to have time to prepare for guests that's for sure.

I'm not sure what we'll be doing. Since its just us it might be kind of overwhelming to take them both over to the fair grounds for the fireworks by myself, but if I can find a good place to park and watch I may do that. Have you been to the fireworks here before, Claire?

My IL's are coming for a visit next week I believe. It will be nice to have two extra sets of hands to help out.

We didn't go last year, but from what I have heard, it is very crowded getting on and off base.

We still haven't heard back from fil about when they are gonna be here or what they want to do. now dh is insisting that he's going to a campaign for liberty meeting saturday evening, which really makes me mad







: because then i'll be here with unwanted company to entertain by myself, plus baby, who is very needy in the evenings anyway, on what is supposed to be a family holiday. grumble, grumble, grumble....


----------



## ~Katie~

Happy 4th!


----------



## Katsmamajama

Happy 4th everyone!!


----------



## Aka mommy

Happy belated 4th. I got 2 phone calls from DH and we only have 3.5 weeks till his BCT graduation! Very excited. We are kicking around the idea of AD, so we shall see. I need to get more involved with other military families!


----------



## abarnes

Quote:

Hi ladies!

does anyone know anything about Army Warrior Training? I know that it is a 4 week alternitive to BCT for those re-entering the Army. What will our communication level be? Is it as limited as BCT? Will he have a graduation?

Thanks!
Thsi was on the last thread but I wanted to reply. The course is actually the Warrior Transition Course (WTC) so you will find a lot more information on it but searching that way. The best advice I can give is to go to military.com and check the "Joining the Military: WTC forum". This is the most up to date info you will be able to find on the course.

It is not as limited as BCT, I was able to talk to my DH every night on his cell phone. He went from AD Navy to AD Army as an E5 last year. There is a graduation but it's very short, then the classes are shipped off within a few hours, if you aren't close to the area, you might want to skip it.


----------



## tryingforbaby

Thank you! This is great information. Exactly what I needed.

By the way "hello neighbor!" I am in Escambia county.


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## Sarah W

What a small world. DH and DD live in Key West, but I'm from Okaloosa/Santa Rosa county. I've lived on both sides of the border.

We had a car bomb yesterday at the front gate. It was crazy, because it was so far away and we still heard it. No US were hurt, but 2 Afghanis were killed and several more were wounded.


----------



## Alohamelly

We didn't do anything exciting for the 4th. Just trying to adjust to life with a new baby still ...


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
What a small world. DH and DD live in Key West, but I'm from Okaloosa/Santa Rosa county. I've lived on both sides of the border.

We had a car bomb yesterday at the front gate. It was crazy, because it was so far away and we still heard it. No US were hurt, but 2 Afghanis were killed and several more were wounded.









Are you in KL? Oh nevermind. I am sorry, anyway. Were they guards / staff or bystanders?


----------



## gingerstar

I hope your area stabilizes soon, Sarah. The news from there is heartbreaking. Stay safe!

Finally got word that my DH is out of the hospital, finished his abx, and apparently will be re-cycled at the end of this month. He is pretty disheartened, and still fears another heat injury, even though they have him on heat stroke profile for 2 1/2 months. His DS did cheer him up by pointing out that this means selection will be pushed into Dec or Jan, so that is much better weather for the toughest most crucial part. He said his current DS is a good guy - hope his next one is as good.

The hardest part for me is the lack of communication, especially after his illness.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Oh Ginger, so sorry about recycling but I'm really happy that he gets to stay in and that it wasn't all for nothing, you know?


----------



## gingerstar

Thanks EdnaMarie - I appreciate your showing me the positive side!

I hope your family is feeling better!


----------



## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar* 
I hope your area stabilizes soon, Sarah. The news from there is heartbreaking. Stay safe!

Finally got word that my DH is out of the hospital, finished his abx, and apparently will be re-cycled at the end of this month. He is pretty disheartened, and still fears another heat injury, even though they have him on heat stroke profile for 2 1/2 months. His DS did cheer him up by pointing out that this means selection will be pushed into Dec or Jan, so that is much better weather for the toughest most crucial part. He said his current DS is a good guy - hope his next one is as good.

The hardest part for me is the lack of communication, especially after his illness.









As someone who did her training between Nov-March (BCT at Ft. Jackson, SC, then AIT at Ft. Rucker, AL) I have to agree. We didn't have the heat injuries like the summer cycles did, and for the most part we never even really needed our winter gear, so cold injuries didn't exist either. Yeah, PT in the morning was a little iffy (that cold morning air burns!) but it wasn't torture. Hope that helps him out a little bit, anyway!


----------



## ~Katie~

Ginger - I'm sorry to hear about the recycling, but good to know that he'll have better weather for the hard parts.

Got a really nice email from DH tonight. It made my hard day a little better. DD is still a dream baby but DS is really putting me through my paces. I really don't know what to do sometimes with that kid. R&R is about a month and a half away so I'm just counting down the days now.


----------



## Sarah W

It does really suck here. We've lost so many soldiers in the last 2 weeks. The UK has lost 10 (I think) the US lost 6 in one day and another one a couple days ago, and at least 1 Canadian has died.

Most of the fighting is in Helmand, which is west of us. The Marines recently moved in and there's been so much fighting. It's pretty safe on KAF, but anything that happens in the South I take personally.

Ginger, that sucks about recycling. However, once he gets back into the swing of things, his mood will really improve. He'll be busy and he'll make a few buddies and things will be a lot better. It's harder now because he's got so much time.

DH was held back for the first phase of Ranger School (a portion of his medical records was missing, so it was completely stupid). It drove him nuts, because he was away from his unit and not doing anything and it wasted a month+ of his life and he didn't get to go through with buddies. He got over it pretty quickly once the training really started.


----------



## ~Katie~

My DH is to the north of KAF. He hasn't told me much about what's going on there yet, I know he's been really busy.

My IL's are finally coming for a 4 day visit on Friday, and then my brother is coming right after them for 2 or 3 days. It will be nice to have company. Hopefully the storming stops by then, its pretty awful today.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
My DH is to the north of KAF. He hasn't told me much about what's going on there yet, I know he's been really busy.

My IL's are finally coming for a 4 day visit on Friday, and then my brother is coming right after them for 2 or 3 days. It will be nice to have company. Hopefully the storming stops by then, its pretty awful today.

I'm happy to see the rain, our poor garden was about to dry up and blow away. But hopefully it will stop before your company gets here!

Just another Monday here... we had "mandatory fun time" Friday afternoon, in the form of a cookout at dh's boss's house, w/ a bunch of his co workers from Mass Com. It was NOT fun, at least not for me







I didn't know anyone, and most of them wouldn't talk to me







i felt like as soon as we left, they were talking _about_ me though. A month or so ago one of the women in my local mom's group, who's dh is in the same squadron with mine, started some (very untrue) rumors about something I said, and it caused us a bunch of trouble. Maybe it's self imposed, but ever since that I have felt really uncomfortable and a little unwelcome around those folks, even though I wasn't in the wrong and we eventually got an apology (although not from her) about it. Oh the drama!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
I'm happy to see the rain, our poor garden was about to dry up and blow away. But hopefully it will stop before your company gets here!

Just another Monday here... we had "mandatory fun time" Friday afternoon, in the form of a cookout at dh's boss's house, w/ a bunch of his co workers from Mass Com. It was NOT fun, at least not for me







I didn't know anyone, and most of them wouldn't talk to me







i felt like as soon as we left, they were talking _about_ me though. A month or so ago one of the women in my local mom's group, who's dh is in the same squadron with mine, started some (very untrue) rumors about something I said, and it caused us a bunch of trouble. Maybe it's self imposed, but ever since that I have felt really uncomfortable and a little unwelcome around those folks, even though I wasn't in the wrong and we eventually got an apology (although not from her) about it. Oh the drama!









Yes my flowers and yard needed the rain for sure. I'm sorry to hear about the drama. That is why I'm wary of spending a lot of time around other military folks, there's no separation between personal and professional life. I think people just like to stir up drama out of boredom a lot of the time. I don't always expect people to agree with what I have to say but I at least expect them to be mature enough to either ignore it or address it directly with me, I'm kind of naive when it comes to these things I guess.


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Yes my flowers and yard needed the rain for sure. I'm sorry to hear about the drama. That is why I'm wary of spending a lot of time around other military folks, there's no separation between personal and professional life. I think people just like to stir up drama out of boredom a lot of the time. I don't always expect people to agree with what I have to say but I at least expect them to be mature enough to either ignore it or address it directly with me, I'm kind of naive when it comes to these things I guess.

Hehe you're making me think my self imposed hermit-ism isn't such a bad thing after all Katie







I've gone to a few mandatory fun days with dh because he asked but my main goal is to get the h*** out of there asap all the while smiling & nodding at the people I meet.

Of course I'm older than a lot of them & I don't feel like I'll have much in common with anyone I meet who is blathering about their relationship drama 20 seconds into the conversation.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Yes my flowers and yard needed the rain for sure. I'm sorry to hear about the drama. That is why I'm wary of spending a lot of time around other military folks, there's no separation between personal and professional life. I think people just like to stir up drama out of boredom a lot of the time. I don't always expect people to agree with what I have to say but I at least expect them to be mature enough to either ignore it or address it directly with me, I'm kind of naive when it comes to these things I guess.

Who knows why she started it... I've never even met her IRL, maybe her dh and mine didn't get along at some point. I get the feeling she likes drama though. It's sad that people don't have anything better to do. We try not to socialize with the other folks in his squadron. But he skipped their last mandatory fun outing, so we really had to go to this one. I guess I need to learn that you really can't trust anyone with even the smallest, most innocent amount of personal info.


----------



## ~Katie~

I'm not saying that any of you are drama-starters of course, this is our little community after all







There are always certain groups, and we all know who they tend to be, that like to start trouble. Those are the folks I stay away from.

I live on post so I don't have a choice but to interact with everyone. None of them work with my DH, though. So far I haven't had any problems with anyone *knock on wood* but most of my neighbors are a lot older than me (and higher ranking, which is a good thing but I feel left out a lot of the time). Everybody jokes about me being the young'in. Some people have said some insensitive things in regards to the deployment (like my DH must be so glad not to be here to have to deal with the kids) but I just try to shrug it off.

What I wish is that we had an official AP group here, we have the AP meetups every once in a while but it would be nice if it was more consistent. I'd also like to see more activities for those of us dealing with deployment right now. I probably should get off my lazy behind and start making suggestions.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
What I wish is that we had an official AP group here, we have the AP meetups every once in a while but it would be nice if it was more consistent. I'd also like to see more activities for those of us dealing with deployment right now. I probably should get off my lazy behind and start making suggestions.

yeah, I know what you mean... this is one of the reasons I am trying to go to LLL on a regular basis. the toddler group seemed pretty good when I went last month. I'm going to try to go to the Womack one tomorrow. we almost always end up talking about AP stuff in addition to bf.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
yeah, I know what you mean... this is one of the reasons I am trying to go to LLL on a regular basis. the toddler group seemed pretty good when I went last month. I'm going to try to go to the Womack one tomorrow. we almost always end up talking about AP stuff in addition to bf.

Do they have a play area for toddlers, or at least an area he won't be able to escape from? I'd really love to go I just need to make sure its Liam friendly first so I can actually get a chance to socialize without having to chase him.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Do they have a play area for toddlers, or at least an area he won't be able to escape from? I'd really love to go I just need to make sure its Liam friendly first so I can actually get a chance to socialize without having to chase him.

We met outside on the church's playground last month, but I think normally they do meet inside, I'm not sure what the meeting room is like since last time was my first. The play ground was nice though, and someone usually brings a snack. Robbie runs an absolute muck at the Womack meetings, which was part of my motivation to start going to the toddler group.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
We met outside on the church's playground last month, but I think normally they do meet inside, I'm not sure what the meeting room is like since last time was my first. The play ground was nice though, and someone usually brings a snack. Robbie runs an absolute muck at the Womack meetings, which was part of my motivation to start going to the toddler group.

I got an email a while ago about the toddler group, it'll be the 28th this month? I don't think I'll have company then, I'm going to try and go.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I got an email a while ago about the toddler group, it'll be the 28th this month? I don't think I'll have company then, I'm going to try and go.

yeah, it should be on the 28th... 4th tuesday of the month. if nothing comes up we're going to try to go too.


----------



## stickymikki

Hello all!

DH and I just found out we are expecting our first kiddo to arrive in early March.







: We're so incredibly excited. I've read around and have seen that many of you military mommas have been able to have a homebirth with a midwife AND have Tricare Prime cover it 100%. Now the real stinker is... are any of you who were able to go the midwife/homebirth route, active duty?

DH and I are both active duty army and are absolutely sure we want to go the midwife and homebirth route, we're just not quite sure if I can, being active duty...

ANY help would be greatly greatly appreciated!!!

Thank you!!


----------



## LeslieB

I don't know the definite answer for you, but my friend was active-duty Army when she had her son in '06. She used a birth center and had to pay for it all out-of-pocket. But, compared to a hospital birth, it really wasn't that expensive. It was about the cost that a person on regular insurance would pay for their premium for a hospital birth. Hopefully, someone else has a better answer for you here, though. I wish _I_ had a better answer, but I had a brain fog and chose to have my son in a military hospital because it was free. NEVER again.

Hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and birth!


----------



## happy_momma

My husband just submitted for a base of preference..just wondering if anyone has ever had and luck actually getting it. How long did it take to find out?


----------



## stickymikki

Hmmmm, maybe I'll just have to go that route then.







: You'd think they would let us use the same options as family members enrolled in Tricare Prime get to use...

I'm not giving up. More research and phone calls!!


----------



## mbhf

Where are you located? What type of MW would you be using? (CPM, CNM, LM)

My HBs in NY were covered, but I was on prime remote and used a CNM who also worked in hospitals. My HB in SC was not covered, my MW was a LM.


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stickymikki* 

I'm not giving up. More research and phone calls!!

Yes!







Definitely don't give up! You might find that loophole somewhere.


----------



## stickymikki

mbhf,
I live in New York, and can definitely confirm that Tricare Prime will cover a homebirth attended by a CNM. BUT, I'm getting grief from Tricare because I am active duty and the hospital on post provides maternity care, which I'm "required" to use. I'm just trying to figure out if there are any loopholes for being able to get Tricare Prime to cover a homebirth for an active duty mamma.


----------



## mbhf

NY actually has a law saying homebirth midwives have to be covered at the in network rate if there are no midwives in network that provide that service. Or at least that's what I read here once.







and what I told tricare. It worked for me, but I have no idea about being active duty.


----------



## Alohamelly

My husband only got it when he re-enlisted.


----------



## marimara

We've got it a couple of times but that's because we applied for special positions there. Air Force, btw. It all depends on branch of service, time in service, what his job is, and if there are open slots at the time he is available to go. There is no guarantee.


----------



## Maluhia

50/50 and depends where you applied for.

The one job in Australia? probably not.
One of 15 jobs in Texas? good chance.


----------



## Maluhia

I've never heard of someone AD getting their way with tricare, I wish you great luck but I'd be prepared to save up for an out-of-pocket homebirth midwife.


----------



## Maluhia

Aloha!

We traveled to the ILs over the 4th and I have to say that a great benefit of being military is that I don't have to see my ILs any time I don't want to as they don't travel OR live closer than 6 hours to the closest Navy base








I swear - another racist comment and I was going to go from polite rebuttal to full on bat poop.

So we are back home and of course DH is about to go out for 6 of the next 7 weeks - ah Navy.

I'm getting going with encouraging the rebuilding of our FRG and hoping that has some positive impact on our families, and getting the XO spouse's group going although I keep loosing motivation on that one. Eh, life.


----------



## mom2avasteph

I'm here at Bragg- for now anyway







Dh has been gone since last July (Afghanistan). We live on post and I have been an AP mom for awhile now (I'm old!) I have the two girls- ages 10 and 4 1/2. We are always looking out for AP moms and kids- Melly was here with us, but she deserted us a couple of years ago







We've been here twice, Benning once and Schofield twice. I miss Hawaii. If anyone wants to meet up just to chat even I like to go to Barnes and Noble a lot with the kids. We seem to gravitate to that place quite often lately.


----------



## stickymikki

mbhf,
I am on the PROWL for that amazing piece of information you just shared. Thank you so much! I think that maaaaay be my ticket. Oh geez I hope this works out.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2avasteph* 
I'm here at Bragg- for now anyway







Dh has been gone since last July (Afghanistan). We live on post and I have been an AP mom for awhile now (I'm old!) I have the two girls- ages 10 and 4 1/2. We are always looking out for AP moms and kids- Melly was here with us, but she deserted us a couple of years ago







We've been here twice, Benning once and Schofield twice. I miss Hawaii. If anyone wants to meet up just to chat even I like to go to Barnes and Noble a lot with the kids. We seem to gravitate to that place quite often lately.

Hey there! There are several Bragg mama's on here, welcome! I'm on post in Hammond Hills, My DH is also in Afghanistan and has been since early May. There's a local mom group that does playdates and different activities, a few of us are involved in that. I think now that there are so many of us we should all probably get together at some point!


----------



## LeslieB

My husband is Army, and for us, it was, also, only when he reenlisted.


----------



## Katsmamajama

My husband is Army, and our most recent PCS (Hawaii) was not a re-enlistment choice. It wasn't his first choice (Germany), but Hawaii has always been one of his long-shot choice on the list.

Good luck, and hopefully it works for him!


----------



## Sarah W

I can't even remember my selections, but Ft. Lewis wasn't one of them and Korea certainly wasn't. I loved both places, though. We got Key West through a job selection process and we're returning to Lewis the same way.

An easy way to get where you want to go is by contacting your Branch Manager. They'll tell you what jobs are open where and when openings will be coming up in certain areas. Most branches have a webpage and post those types of things on it.


----------



## happy_momma

He put Grand Forks ND..I assume most people dont want to go there so I am hopeing there is a good chance they will send him.


----------



## mom2avasteph

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Hey there! There are several Bragg mama's on here, welcome! I'm on post in Hammond Hills, My DH is also in Afghanistan and has been since early May. There's a local mom group that does playdates and different activities, a few of us are involved in that. I think now that there are so many of us we should all probably get together at some point!

That would be great! I meet moms at Barnes and Noble, chat for awhile, then never see them again


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I think now that there are so many of us we should all probably get together at some point!

i'd be up for it! Robbie and I like being able to get out of the house and make new friends.







: We're free most any time, our schedule is usually wide open.


----------



## almadianna

I am merging this with the existing MIL thread.


----------



## almadianna

I am merging this with the existing MIL thread.


----------



## Sarah W

Question for the Ft Lewis mommas...
Does anyone know the rates for full time childcare at the CDCs on Ft. Lewis? I'm looking for how much the highest pay bracket would pay. Does anyone know if there are significant wait times?


----------



## kferar

Hey mamas!

Just found my way here to the thread. I'm a mom to dd Gwen (turned 2 yesterday) and dd Arden (10.5 months). My dh is a AD Marine (17 years) but stationed here (Pennsylvania) at a reserve unit that has been activated







. The worst part about it is no other wives around here that are moms or not from the area. Which totally sucks because I have no one who can relate to my situation.

Anyway, I'll be making many more posts as I get more lonelier.

Nice to "meet" you all!

Kim


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kferar* 
Hey mamas!

Just found my way here to the thread. I'm a mom to dd Gwen (turned 2 yesterday) and dd Arden (10.5 months). My dh is a AD Marine (17 years) but stationed here (Pennsylvania) at a reserve unit that has been activated







. The worst part about it is no other wives around here that are moms or not from the area. Which totally sucks because I have no one who can relate to my situation.

Anyway, I'll be making many more posts as I get more lonelier.

Nice to "meet" you all!

Kim

Welcome Kim!


----------



## Katsmamajama

Welcome!!


----------



## Thystle

I am sorry to pop in on all of you, but I was wondering if I could ask a question.

I guess my question is if any of you have been to or lived near Fort Polk? The job made it VERY clear it is a tiny place with not alot around and uh more "adult" oriented.







I don't have a problem with small towns and driving to get to things. But everything online I am finding is saying run far away.







Anyone know what it was/is like IRL?

Thanks!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thystle* 
I am sorry to pop in on all of you, but I was wondering if I could ask a question.

I guess my question is if any of you have been to or lived near Fort Polk? The job made it VERY clear it is a tiny place with not alot around and uh more "adult" oriented.







I don't have a problem with small towns and driving to get to things. But everything online I am finding is saying run far away.







Anyone know what it was/is like IRL?

Thanks!









Run far away







Unless of course you desperately need the job.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kferar* 
Hey mamas!

Just found my way here to the thread. I'm a mom to dd Gwen (turned 2 yesterday) and dd Arden (10.5 months). My dh is a AD Marine (17 years) but stationed here (Pennsylvania) at a reserve unit that has been activated







. The worst part about it is no other wives around here that are moms or not from the area. Which totally sucks because I have no one who can relate to my situation.

Anyway, I'll be making many more posts as I get more lonelier.

Nice to "meet" you all!

Kim

Welcome!


----------



## BaMo

Just wanted to see how everyone is doing this summer. DH is now in the final part of flight school.







Only about 6-8 more months to go.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BaMo* 
Just wanted to see how everyone is doing this summer. DH is now in the final part of flight school.







Only about 6-8 more months to go.

We are well. I am getting back into the swing of working at home again and the kids are keeping me busy. DH is leaving for home at the end of August for R&R and will arrive sometime in early September. We're planning a trip to Myrtle Beach with family that's coming to visit for a weekend during that time but otherwise it will be quiet time at home. I'm super excited to see him again


----------



## kferar

Do you all live on or near a base?


----------



## Katsmamajama

We're a "near base" family here. We like finding housing that's close enough that DH isn't driving hours to get on post, yet far enough away from the typical "post drama" and maybe even at a place that has space.

The only time that we lived on post was in Germany, and the housing was so close you wereafraid to fart in your house because the neighbors could hear you. Thankfully, it was only for a few months, our off-post housing was getting closed down for renovations just before we PCS'ed.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kferar* 
Do you all live on or near a base?

We're on post here.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kferar* 
Do you all live on or near a base?

we live off base. it takes dh 20 or 30 minutes to get to work each day.


----------



## EdnaMarie

DH hasn't gotten orders, but if you all are going to Ft. Lewis, we are natives of that area, and I can tell you that off-base in urban Tacoma or rural Pierce County (Orting, Graham, etc.) are WAY better than the base. It's just so beautiful. And you can drive to Ft. Lewis in 45 minutes, maximum, from nearly anywhere in Pierce County. We are praying for Ft. Lewis (pray for us if you pray, send vibes if you send vibes, please!!! I do both







) and we'll definitely stay off-base if we can.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kferar* 
Do you all live on or near a base?

We live on base, here at Ft. Lewis. I really like it.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
DH hasn't gotten orders, but if you all are going to Ft. Lewis, we are natives of that area, and I can tell you that off-base in urban Tacoma or rural Pierce County (Orting, Graham, etc.) are WAY better than the base. It's just so beautiful. And you can drive to Ft. Lewis in 45 minutes, maximum, from nearly anywhere in Pierce County. We are praying for Ft. Lewis (pray for us if you pray, send vibes if you send vibes, please!!! I do both







) and we'll definitely stay off-base if we can.

Ft. Lewis vibes! I lived in Washington for a brief time many years ago, it was one of the duty stations we hoped for.


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kferar* 
Do you all live on or near a base?

We've lived on base for the last three years, prior to that we lived out in town.


----------



## kirstenb

So I totally missed the new thread since we are almost done with July and I just found it! We are doing well. Right now we are trying to decide whether or not to stay up at Pendleton or move down to base housing in San Diego, which is close to where DH works. We rate a three bedroom now so we will be moving no matter what, but I'm not sure if I like the housing down here- the ones up here are pretty nice. But, it will be nice to be so close to DH's job- we would be able to see him most days. Right now we don't.


----------



## kferar

We just came from Fort Lewis....there was a little Marine Corps building in the back towards McChord. We lived in Steilacoom...on the water. LOVED IT! DH is from Spokane, Washington (eastern side) and we would like to retire over there.

Now we are here at a reserve unit where my DH is on the active duty staff handling all the training (I&I)...so we are NO where near a base. And he's off on deployment. This totally blows! Two little ones w/out a husband, no family (all west coast) and no military families....my friends here just don't understand. I'm good until night when the girls are sleeping and I have nothing to occupy my mind.

Oh the life of a military spouse....


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Ft. Lewis vibes! I lived in Washington for a brief time many years ago, it was one of the duty stations we hoped for.

Aw, thanks, and come-home-safe vibes for your DH.







:


----------



## Maluhia

DH's boat broke so he's home for a few days - but each day I don't know if he'll leave the car for me to pick up or go to sea. DD is liking the late-night cuddle time though which is sweet to see.

We started private swimming lessons today on the nearby Marine base - the teacher was bleh but I'm hoping the fact that it's a guy will make a big difference since DD is a guy-pleaser in her personality. I'm going to have to watch her like a hawk in the teen years!


----------



## lalemma

Ladies, I'm having total failure to understand Tricare. Is there a website out there that can walk me through the basics? Should I just call the regional contractor? I feel like I seriously need some kind of class. The more I read, the less I understand. Ack!

In case any of you are Tricare wizards, my basic question is this:

The "allowable charge" for global maternity care (prenatal+delivery+postnatal) seems to be about 1800 for a physician, and 1400 for a non-physician. Under our plan, we'd pay 20% or 15% of that, depending on if they were in- or out-of-network.

We're working with a CNM for a planned homebirth, and our plan does appear to cover CNM'd homebirths. So I'm assuming that what will get covered is 80% (she's not in-network) of 1400. Of course, her fee is more like 4000. This by itself is pretty sucky, but what's really starting to freak me out is that I have a hard time believing that a hospital delivery in LA is only going to run 1800. If I have to transfer, am I really going to have to pay everything that's over the 1800-dollar allowable charge? What if I were to risk out of a HB for some reason, if I went to an in-network OB-GYN, can they really only charge me 1800 for the whole shebang? That sounds insanely low for a hospital birth to me.

Basically, as you can probably tell, I have no idea how this system works. (And that's after reading all the websites and all the manuals!)

Sorry if these are dim questions. I'm brand-new to the military, and my husband of course is a healthy guy who has never actually had to use Tricare. We're completely befuddled.

ETA: I should have included: husband finished his active duty commitment and went Reserve, so we're on the Reserve Select plan (which according to the literature is essentially a clone of the Standard plan.) And we're in Southern California, so in the Triwest region.

Thanks for any help!


----------



## kferar

lalemma....it depends. Are you or your dh active or reserve? Do you have standard, prime or prime remote? These are vital to answering your question but it sounds to me like you are on standard....what region are you in?

We have TPR (Tricare Prime Remote). We don't live anywhere near a MTF (military treatment facility) so we can choose network (100% coverage) or out-of-network (coverage % depends) doctors. What happens is Tricare makes a deal with their "network" doctors meaning Tricare will only pay their "network" docs a certain amount. For example, a normal OB visit at my doc normally charges $80/visit but Tricare will only pay say $44/visit. With that said, my bill ended up being around $4000 (I think) and my baby $4000 for a total of $8000. I'm not sure how much Tricare paid the hospital but the amount is pretty outrageous considering I took no drugs, had no food, and was out of there within 24 hours (state law...babies have to stay a min. 24 hours). And you also have to look into state laws too. I know Washington State requires medical insurance to allow alternative health care options but not sure if Tricare is omitted from the law because of the being a military provider.

I would say your best bet is to call a rep at Tricare...for the most part they are pretty nice and understanding....as long as you don't give them attitude. I haven't had much luck with that one









Kim


----------



## lalemma

Sorry - you're right, I should have included: husband finished his active duty commitment and went Reserve, so we're on the Reserve Select plan (which according to the literature is essentially a clone of the Standard plan?) And we're in Southern California, so in the Triwest region. I'll update my previous post with this info- thanks for reminding me!

Quote:

With that said, my bill ended up being around $4000 (I think) and my baby $4000 for a total of $8000. I'm not sure how much Tricare paid the hospital but the amount is pretty outrageous considering I took no drugs, had no food, and was out of there within 24 hours
Holy lord-! Is 8000 what you actually ended up paying?!? That's my fear, that I'll end up having to pay a huge hospital bill in spite of being insured. Not getting the HB paid for is one thing, having to pay a ginormous California hospital bill is another.

Do I understand correctly that the reason your bill was so high was that you were using an out-of-network OB-GYN? Or is that the in-network price?

Thanks for answering my uber-basic questions.


----------



## kferar

NO! That was the copy of the bill that the hospital sent to Tricare....I wasn't responsible for ANYTHING. But be aware that hospitals will send you bills hoping you think you are responsible and then they get double payments....at least that's how I feel. My OB was an network provider.

My dh is active so I've never dealt with reserve plans....you should go into an office and speak with a regional contractor....I bet they'll have a little more time and patience for you if you are there in person. Plus they may be privy to state laws specifically for California. Have you went to the Tricare website? www.triwest.com

Good luck mama and congratulations on your growing babe!


----------



## EdnaMarie

I found Tricare to be extremely helpful over the phone as well, and on base when I went to see if I wanted Tricare Prime (I decided against it, seems one has more freedom w/ Standard).

And when I say "extremely helpful", I am not only comparing them to other insurance agencies, by which standard they are miraculously and gob-smackingly helpful. I mean, compared to any company that owes you something. They act like they actually think you have a right to this stuff!


----------



## mrsteapot

How cool, a "tribe" I belong in.
Dh is ad Marine. We are in Japan for about one more year. I'm trying to not obsess about where to next. We only have one more duty sttion left til retirement, I can't believe it!
We have 4 kids, 2 boys (14 and 9), and 2 girls (almost 3 and almost 3 months).

What is the Marine unit at Ft Lewis? I'm always on the look out for something cool and obscure.


----------



## kferar

mrsteapot, there is a little reserve unit there on base. My husband usually goes to reserve units on I&I. He is AR (Active Reserve) which means there are fewer jobs for him and lots more restrictions. We will never be stationed overseas and since he is AR, he NEVER gets bonuses. Sucks!!!! They are the only ones that don't get re-enlistment bonuses...you would think after being in for 17 years in the Corps they would give him a nice "thank you" check. Oh well.

All my friends just love it over in Japan. We will be moving next year too when dh gets back from deployment. What's your dh's MOS?

Kim


----------



## mrsteapot

Ummm.. I don't know the number, but he is an electrition on F-18's. Since he picked up gunny though, his job is more paper work and dealing with people. Ask him how much he misses working on the planes.








We saw our last reup bonus 6 or so years ago, after a certain amount of time in the Marines don't do bonuses anymore. So over his 18 (??) years in we've actually only got the one. It's special sometimes,







, let me tell you.
I like Japan for the most part, we are on the "mainland", not too far from Hiroshima actually. Right now we are all sweating bullets! It is H.O.T. and HUMID! We are trying to enjoy every minute over here we have left, and that would be alot easier if we (I) knew where to next, but alas....


----------



## kferar

Dh is a gunny as well. He's hoping this deployment will get him to Master Sergeant. He has been in 17 years....Dh is Motor Transport Chief. Take care over there in Japan!

I know....we won't know until dh gets back and we'll be given two months to scramble to sell our home and move...argh!


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrsteapot* 
How cool, a "tribe" I belong in.
Dh is ad Marine. We are in Japan for about one more year. I'm trying to not obsess about where to next. We only have one more duty sttion left til retirement, I can't believe it!
We have 4 kids, 2 boys (14 and 9), and 2 girls (almost 3 and almost 3 months).

What is the Marine unit at Ft Lewis? I'm always on the look out for something cool and obscure.









How fun! My mother and aunts lived in Japan when they were really young. I've only bene once, very briefly to Tokyo about 10 years ago. I've lived in Korea twice and I loved it. DH really disliked Korea when he came to visit me, but was OK with the thought of doing a tour in Japan. (I don't know)

I don't know what the Marine unit at Lewis is, but it's really a beautiful area! There are so many things to do! Besides DH's unit being threre, I think it's a wonderful place to raise a family, which was a huge part of our decision to go back. I'm so excited to get back to WA, it really is home to us. He's from CA and I'm from FL, and I'm really going to miss my family but WA is great.


----------



## kferar

The Marine reserve unit on Fort Lewis is 4th LSB (Land Support Battalion).

Kim


----------



## Maluhia

There is a marine unit up at Bangor Submarine Base as well - I think MPs of some sort. Guard the nuclear weapons, while playing in the woods!


----------



## sapphire_chan

DH is off at BCT now. He's been able to call twice, which was really surprising and nice.

Of course, the stupid medical bill for something I thought was already dealt with in February came in the mail last week. And dh isn't here to do the calling to find out WTF. But fortunately they were willing to put a note on the file that the patient isn't around until Nov.

Separately from that:

Questions:
Anyone know a non-confusing website/phone number for Tricare stuff? We purchased Tricare Reserve Select for the family and the dental plan for me, but I think Lina and I are covered under Prime while dh is at BCT/AIT?

I think the providers are the same, but I'd hate to have things delayed because things get mailed to the wrong office.


----------



## EdnaMarie

No, you are not necessarily Prime just because he's at Basic.

Did you try the 1-800 number?

(I didn't know you were MIL SC- used to seeing you on the EC board, welcome!







)


----------



## remijo

Hi... So DH is talking to a recruiter this morning about going into OCS for the Navy. He is 30, has his master's degree, and is in super great shape. It was kind of a weird thought - going from looking for civilian jobs to this. We figure it will be a great way to travel and increase his career options. And he likes the idea. I am getting used to it, I've dated an airman and I have two retired navy officers in my family so I am familiar with the lifestyle. I am really worried he is going to be deployed immediately after OCS though. The baby is due in January and I would love for him to be home at that time. Anyone have any experience with this? Thanks alot.

One more thought: While this is definitely not the reason DH is signing up, if he finished OCS and got his commission before the baby is born, would the birth be covered? It would be a huge bonus for us.


----------



## kferar

I'm almost positive you all will be covered as soon as he enlists. You should be good!

Kim


----------



## sapphire_chan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
No, you are not necessarily Prime just because he's at Basic.

Did you try the 1-800 number?

(I didn't know you were MIL SC- used to seeing you on the EC board, welcome!







)

Which 1-800 number? And thanks, then I can just use the TRS cards we have and let the places that are in-network figure things out.

(Well, quasi-mil. Since dh isn't active or deployed it's not quite the same dynamic as a mil-family, y'know? I need you folks for this confusing mil stuff, but don't have ALL of the things to deal with you do.)


----------



## EdnaMarie

Birth is covered upon enlistment, anyway it was for us with the army.


----------



## EdnaMarie

SC- it's 1-888-TRIWEST

http://www.triwest.com/

(isn't the guy in the "beneficiary" picture cute with his baby?)


----------



## lovesongbird

Hey ladies!!

I'm new to the site and new to the military lifestyle. DH is in the army at Ft Lewis and we're expecting our first baby in Feb. I got a tip from one of my friends who just had her first HB. She said to come here and get info. DH and I have been looking into doing a HB and so far have been unsuccessful in finding a midwife to do one. We're contemplating an unassisted one. In any case, I know there's some talk about Tricare going on. I'm covered under Prime and am wondering if anyone knows how I go about getting it covered. The website says it covers is 100%...hmm. I'm just confused. lol

I look forward to meeting and getting to know you ladies!

K-


----------



## ~Katie~

Welcome, lovesongbird! I'd recommend you start calling midwives directly and ask them how they go about getting covered by Tricare. Chances are they can handle the majority of it, but the typical procedure is you pay them up front and then Tricare reimburses you the cost of prenatal visits and not the birth itself, though I've heard some people have gotten around this.


----------



## ~Katie~

Long time no talk. The kids are keeping me busy busy. I can't believe Laine is almost 3 months old, and my DS will be 2 next month! Where has the time gone?!

DH gave me the scare of my life the other day. He emailed to say that we had been overpaid since May last year and owed the Army $9000. He said he was comparing notes with others and saw that they had him down as 4 years of service when he thought it should have been two. Everyone was telling him that his time in the reserves shouldn't have counted toward that because it was prior to commissioning. Come to find out, because he's paid through the national guard they considered his reserve time as part of his active duty, so that's why we're getting paid more. That was my hypothesis anyway but I'm just glad it turned out to be nothing. DH just got promoted too which is a good thing because our car insurance just went up









We have less than 20 days now until DH gets home. I'm planning to have pictures done with Operation: Love ReUnited. I'm sure some of you have heard of it but for those of you who haven't and are currently dealing with a deployment or will be shortly, this is an organization that provides independent photographers for pre/during/post deployment photography. They do 2 sessions per year, and the sessions are free. It isn't typical studio photography, its meant more to capture the time when they're leaving and returning because for me at least the last thing you remember is your camera. The photos are really lovely and definitely emotional to look at on the website. They provide a free album of 4x7's to the deploying soldier as well, I assume that prints have to be purchased separately from the photographer or there's a pre-designed package you can buy.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovesongbird* 
Hey ladies!!

I'm new to the site and new to the military lifestyle. DH is in the army at Ft Lewis and we're expecting our first baby in Feb. I got a tip from one of my friends who just had her first HB. She said to come here and get info. DH and I have been looking into doing a HB and so far have been unsuccessful in finding a midwife to do one. We're contemplating an unassisted one. In any case, I know there's some talk about Tricare going on. I'm covered under Prime and am wondering if anyone knows how I go about getting it covered. The website says it covers is 100%...hmm. I'm just confused. lol

I look forward to meeting and getting to know you ladies!

K-


I'm at Fort Lewis too! Just wanted to say hi.


----------



## lovesongbird

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
I'm at Fort Lewis too! Just wanted to say hi.

YAY! Do you live on post?


----------



## EdnaMarie

lovesongbird, are you on base? I live here and recently had a homebirth. Not on post. PM me w/questions. My midwife does not work from Tacoma but she must know one who will. In fact I know she does because that person delivered my sister in a birth center in Tacoma. I will ask her on Friday and PM you. PM me if I don't send you anything by Saturday because there ARE HB midwives in Tacoma.


----------



## kferar

Thanks Katie for the photography...dh comes home on block leave (been at ILOC for three months at Lejuene) from the 20August through 8September :*(. Wasn't aware of this service!

Kim


----------



## remijo

Does anyone have a spouse that has gone through DLI in Monterey? The recruiter is telling us it will be two years before I'll be able to see him (except for whatever visits I can swing) because I can't go with him to this?

Also, the recruiter said that my son (from a previous marriage) won't be covered under tricare and isn't considered a dependent of my DH unless he adopts. I have sole legal and physical custody. This just doesn't seem right to me. Please, I'd love insight from moms/wives who have been there. Thanks!


----------



## lalemma

My husband did DLI, but we weren't married at that time. So I'm not sure about the answer to your question - I know that people certainly saw their partners while they were there, but I don't know what the situation was with people living together. I am almost entirely sure there were people who lived with their husbands and wives and kids while they were in school, but I'll have to ask him.

The recruiter's answer about Tricare covering stepkids doesn't seem right, either. This isn't a situation I've been in, but I checked the Tricare website, and it says:

Quote:

Stepchildren
Stepchildren do not have to be adopted for them to be covered by TRICARE. As long as the sponsor and the mother/father of the stepchildren are married, the stepchildren are covered by TRICARE. If the marriage ends in divorce, the stepchildren lose eligibility on the date the divorce decree is final.
So that seems pretty clear to me. Sometimes recruiters aren't as informed as they could be about the details, unfortunately.


----------



## lalemma

So I asked my husband, and he says that the recruiter is probably thinking of DLI as any other kind of AIT (and you normally aren't allowed to bring your dependents to an AIT that's under something like 6 months), and that he's wrong about that. A PCS move and housing with dependents should be authorized.

ETA: Remijo, I'm PMing you a bit more info that's DLI-specific.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Lovesongbird, I PM'ed you with a midwife & her number. She could probably refer you to someone even if for some reason she can't take you.


----------



## lovesongbird

I got your PM and sent one back. lol THANKS!!







:


----------



## AllisonK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
Hi... So DH is talking to a recruiter this morning about going into OCS for the Navy. He is 30, has his master's degree, and is in super great shape. It was kind of a weird thought - going from looking for civilian jobs to this. We figure it will be a great way to travel and increase his career options.

Hi







Just wanted to say that I feel ya on the it being weird going from civilian to military. DH is 30 has his masters and has been working in his current field for 6 years now. He is in the process of joining the Navy and will go to ODS if all goes as planned. He is super excited and I am to a point.







Its a whole new world for me as I have no prior knowledge or experience with anything military.

Okay back to my occasional lurking on this thread...


----------



## KarlaC

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
Does anyone have a spouse that has gone through DLI in Monterey? The recruiter is telling us it will be two years before I'll be able to see him (except for whatever visits I can swing) because I can't go with him to this?

*Also, the recruiter said that my son (from a previous marriage) won't be covered under tricare and isn't considered a dependent of my DH unless he adopts.* I have sole legal and physical custody. This just doesn't seem right to me. Please, I'd love insight from moms/wives who have been there. Thanks!

Wrong unless something has drastically changed in the last year & I haven't read anything about any changes like that. Both my dd's from my first marriage are covered under Tricare. All I had to bring was their birth certs showing I was their mother. Recruiters come up with some crazy things.


----------



## Sarah W

Sigh...when it rains, it pours. So, our renters have given notice and they're moving out at the end of the month. It's not so bad, but yesterday our Prop Mgt company e-mailed me to say that the A/C in the house isn't working. Great. Hopefully, it's just a fuse or something easy because it's only 4 years old.

They said rentals in Yelm have been a little slow lately, so we'll see how long it sits. We were in WA in Feb and drove by the house. The tenants had taken wonderful care of the house, the yard looked great, so that's a plus.


----------



## abarnes

Stopping in to say hi. I've only posted here a few times but we recently made our move from (Eglin AFB) Florida to (Yakima Training Center) Washington. We got our household goods delivered on Thursday so we're busy unpacking and learning the area. I have to say, it's







:, really it's about 75* but when the wind blows, I get chills. I need to get used to the cooler weather again!


----------



## remijo

So can anyone offer insight into the differences between navy/army for an officer? My DH is checking into all the options. I am curious about bases / deployment. I have to admit that the Navy has a little better locations for bases (coastal as compared to midwest - I grew up in Nebraska so I'm not interested in going back if I don't have to (although I will do what I have to do)). But the Army seems like it needs officers more so he might have a better/faster chance of getting in. Also, with the Navy, I think he would be deploying every six months or so but only for six months at a time. My understanding is that with the army you can deploy less often but for longer periods of time? I'd love to hear experiences as a wife, all I can find are viewpoints from the terms of the men in the service. TIA. Also what are his chances for getting deployed immediately out of officer school? I know it is different for everyone and no one can really answer that question definitively but I'm wondered if anyone has encountered it.

I should add that we would love to move alot and also love to live overseas.


----------



## remijo

BTW, thanks for all the great advice already!


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
Does anyone have a spouse that has gone through DLI in Monterey? The recruiter is telling us it will be two years before I'll be able to see him (except for whatever visits I can swing) because I can't go with him to this?

Also, the recruiter said that my son (from a previous marriage) won't be covered under tricare and isn't considered a dependent of my DH unless he adopts. I have sole legal and physical custody. This just doesn't seem right to me. Please, I'd love insight from moms/wives who have been there. Thanks!

Your recruiter is wrong. There is family housing there that you will live in and stepchildren are covered under tricare as long as they are under 18 (or 21 in college).

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonK* 
is in the process of joining the Navy and will go to ODS if all goes as planned.

OCS? Officer Candidate School.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
So can anyone offer insight into the differences between navy/army for an officer? My DH is checking into all the options. I am curious about bases / deployment. I have to admit that the Navy has a little better locations for bases (coastal as compared to midwest - I grew up in Nebraska so I'm not interested in going back if I don't have to (although I will do what I have to do)). But the Army seems like it needs officers more so he might have a better/faster chance of getting in. Also, with the Navy, I think he would be deploying every six months or so but only for six months at a time. My understanding is that with the army you can deploy less often but for longer periods of time? I'd love to hear experiences as a wife, all I can find are viewpoints from the terms of the men in the service. TIA. Also what are his chances for getting deployed immediately out of officer school? I know it is different for everyone and no one can really answer that question definitively but I'm wondered if anyone has encountered it.

I should add that we would love to move alot and also love to live overseas.

My DH is Navy my BIL is Army both officers.
They both deploy, a lot. The Navy may publish the schedule more but the Army guys I know are going for much longer periods of time, and sometimes just as often.
I like Navy - the few places we've lived we've liked the area near the Navy vs. Army bases better (Hawaii, Washington State) and the career path is just as open either way as an incoming OCS grad.

That being said - he'll be behind his age peer-group because even if he gets an increased rank from his degrees, etc. he'll end up having to do jobs where his officer peers are 5-7 years younger than him. Just an FYI. My DH is 35 and is the XO of his ship - 2nd in command and within about 3 years he will be the Commanding Officer. That won't happen as fast for your DH but he'll still make it, just at 45/47 or so rather than at 40/41.

We are doing well here. Gearing up towards deployment, yada yada yada. I found out they won't be transferring to his next orders until next September so I'll get to move overseas/back to CONUS alone with the 4 year old while he is deployed. I see it as a way to get rid of things I want to purge and blame it on the movers


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *remijo* 
So can anyone offer insight into the differences between navy/army for an officer? My DH is checking into all the options. I am curious about bases / deployment. I have to admit that the Navy has a little better locations for bases (coastal as compared to midwest - I grew up in Nebraska so I'm not interested in going back if I don't have to (although I will do what I have to do)). But the Army seems like it needs officers more so he might have a better/faster chance of getting in. Also, with the Navy, I think he would be deploying every six months or so but only for six months at a time. My understanding is that with the army you can deploy less often but for longer periods of time? I'd love to hear experiences as a wife, all I can find are viewpoints from the terms of the men in the service. TIA. Also what are his chances for getting deployed immediately out of officer school? I know it is different for everyone and no one can really answer that question definitively but I'm wondered if anyone has encountered it.

I should add that we would love to move alot and also love to live overseas.

My DH is an Army officer. He did ROTC in college so he didn't go the OCS route. They rank what they want to branch and where they want to go, and based on grades and performance and activities that determines where they end up. He ended up branching his #1 and Fort Bragg was our #4 if I remember correctly. As far as deployments are concerned my DH commissioned in December "07 and did gold bar recruiting until March, then left for BOLCII which is 7 weeks long. After that we all ended up moving to Arizona for BOLCIII at the end of April and stayed until mid-August "08. Then we moved to NC and we heard rumblings of a deployment in Nov. "09. He ended up deploying in May "09 so that gives you somewhat of a timeline of how it went for him, his deployment is just under a year but he'll probably deploy again in less than a year if what I'm hearing now is true. Its really going to depend on what unit your DH goes to and what he ends up doing.

The Army does have a great need for officers because they aren't retaining enough of them, captains in particular. Promotions happen pretty quickly though I don't know enough about the Navy to compare. My DH made 1LT 17 months after commissioning which is pretty standard. As far as my perspective, I'm definitely not a pampered officer's wife. That's pretty much all I have to say about that









**Edited to add info about peers**

The average age of the incoming officer is college graduate age, so 21-22. My DH was 24 when he graduated college because he went to prep school after graduating high school and then jumped around between majors and schools for a while. His peers tend to be younger and the NCO's he works with are older.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovesongbird* 
YAY! Do you live on post?

Yes, do you? Are you on Amity's as well? Your username seems so familiar.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abarnes* 
Stopping in to say hi. I've only posted here a few times but we recently made our move from (Eglin AFB) Florida to (Yakima Training Center) Washington. We got our household goods delivered on Thursday so we're busy unpacking and learning the area. I have to say, it's







:, really it's about 75* but when the wind blows, I get chills. I need to get used to the cooler weather again!

LMAO- Yakima, cold? Welcome to Washington. It's been a bit colder than usual here, but wait 'til it snows.

Gosh I hope we get to stay, we all could meet up.


----------



## abarnes

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
LMAO- Yakima, cold? Welcome to Washington. It's been a bit colder than usual here, but wait 'til it snows.

Gosh I hope we get to stay, we all could meet up.

Thanks







When DH was in the Navy, Everett was his first duty station. It only snowed a few times but it got cold. I think anything North of Florida would be cold right now to me though LOL


----------



## AllisonK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KailuaMamatoMaya* 

OCS? Officer Candidate School.


Nope. ODS, Officer Development School Its 5 weeks instead of the what is OCS 13? 15? Not really sure on the differences. I've been told less yelling, not as much PT, and its more of a getting info about the Navy, your job, being an officer kind of thing. I don't have a ton of info.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abarnes* 
Thanks







When DH was in the Navy, Everett was his first duty station. It only snowed a few times but it got cold. I think anything North of Florida would be cold right now to me though LOL

Everett doesn't snow because it's on the ocean. Snow on the beach is rare. But the wind is a dog! Yakima is different- it's on the other side of the mountain, and it's a continental winter.


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## EdnaMarie

DH got orders!!! GErmany! We're thrilled!


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## Katsmamajama

We loved Germany!!!







I'm so happy for you!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
DH got orders!!! GErmany! We're thrilled!

how exciting!


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## remijo

I would love Germany! Hopefully, one day...

Well, DH went off to MEPS this morning for the Army and goes before the OCS board in two weeks. We are so excited its finally happening but wish we could just know right now what is going to happen. The waiting is the hardest part.


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## tryingforbaby

How exciting. We hope to someday be there too!


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## EdnaMarie

Thanks, ladies! I'm thrilled, already perusing Ikea Germany sites and planning my shopping sprees at H&M and Petit Bateau.







:


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## sapphire_chan

How did you/dh dealt with "that guy" at basic? You know, the one who gets everyone else smoked because he skipped his turn on guard? Dh's platoon has a dozen or so UAVs and while I know he can handle it, I'd like to send him suggestions of things that worked for other people.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
How did you/dh dealt with "that guy" at basic? You know, the one who gets everyone else smoked because he skipped his turn on guard? Dh's platoon has a dozen or so UAVs and while I know he can handle it, I'd like to send him suggestions of things that worked for other people.

In basic, we didn't really have any problems. I'm not a huge fan of mass punishment, but it seems to be effective in Basic/AIT. It's not just punishment, they use any excuse for "smoking" as a way to help them get into shape. Have him look at is as free exercise. It doesn't seem like it, but it's mostly to help.

As far as guard duty, it's not only that person's fault. He should have relieved someone, and that person should have made sure he was awake and at the place of guard.

For other stuff, mass punishment is intended to put pressure on the person causing the problem. They'll either be ostrasized by the group or harrassed by members of the group.

When I was in AIT, there was a girl named Roberts who was having an improper relationship with a "C" Company student. Cco was soldiers who were reclassing, so while they were going through the school, they weren't fresh out of basic and were NOT allowed near us.

So, homegirl decided to start messing around with one. Plus, he was married to make a bad situation worse. Well, the first weekend they were seen we got the crap smoked out of us as the DS said, "You know who you are, you were seen at the mall with a C co student." Well, everyone knew who it was. They wanted her to come to them and confess. Did she? No.

So, this went on for the last 3 months of our 4 month AIT. Every weekend we got smoked and they'd basically call her out (never by name) and tell her where she was seen--stupid places, like the freakin' Ft. Huachuca pool! They told her she needed to come forward. By this time, the entire platoon hated her.

FFWD to the night before graduation. During the day, they took us around to clear the post, turn in all of our stuff, uniform inspection, etc. At about 7 that night, we had our final formation. They called her into the DS' office. She was read an Article 15, pulled from graduation, put on hold, and put on KP the next day. So, while we're in our Class As, waiting to go to graduation and go on leave, she had to walk out in front of us in her BDUs to go to KP.

The point of that looooong story? People get theirs in the end, usually.


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## EdnaMarie

My DH just ignored them. Never joined in with anyone attempting to do anything, just stayed in his place. But he's older. No energy for that kind of stuff. Maybe for an eyeroll and a glare.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Thanks guys, I'll tell dh to hang in there.

Sort of funny story, my father in law got a commendation for hitting an officer when he was in basic. See, he was on guard duty and this 2nd Lt didn't halt and identify himself. So FIL hit him with his rifle. I hope the officer was a UAV and not the poor guy who drew the short straw to check how well the recruits handled guard duty.


----------



## ~Katie~

There will always be people like that, unfortunately. And somebody always has to be blamed regardless of whether it's their fault or not, it's just the way the Army works. As I tell DH, he just has to let it roll off him and not take it personally, just consider it part of the job.

DH is on his way home







: He should get in late this weekend, we're hoping.


----------



## ~Katie~

Oh and happy birthday to your little one, Sapphire!


----------



## meganbarr

Remijo- My husband did DLI. He was in the Arabic program for 63 weeks and we were able to PCS with him. He is in the AF, but all of the language classes are mixed services so its basically the same thing. If you have any questions feel free to PM me. BTW-we absolutely LOVED Monterey and if thats where you end up, I can get you some info on some really great AP classes and support groups.


----------



## remijo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meganbarr* 
Remijo- My husband did DLI. He was in the Arabic program for 63 weeks and we were able to PCS with him. He is in the AF, but all of the language classes are mixed services so its basically the same thing. If you have any questions feel free to PM me. BTW-we absolutely LOVED Monterey and if thats where you end up, I can get you some info on some really great AP classes and support groups.


Thanks alot, I have heard Monterey is gorgeous but it looks like we're not going there. Dh is getting a commission in the Army and going straight to OCS (well after basic) - hopefully. We have a week till the board meets. So I will probably be stuck here in freezing Wyoming while he is working his butt off in the south for about a year. I suppose it evens out in the end.


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## CTH3989

Just popping in to say hello! I'm Chelci, 20, married to a Marine. We have 2 children and live in Hawaii.


----------



## LeslieB

My dh just got orders to Ft. Bragg. We'll be there in 3 weeks. Anybody else in this tribe there? We're coming from the Presidio of Monterey. That is going to be a HUGE change.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
My dh just got orders to Ft. Bragg. We'll be there in 3 weeks. Anybody else in this tribe there? We're coming from the Presidio of Monterey. That is going to be a HUGE change.









Do you know where you're living yet? Several of us are here and there is a mom's group that meets up, have a great trip!


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## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Do you know where you're living yet? Several of us are here and there is a mom's group that meets up, have a great trip!

I think we're going to live on post. We only have one car, and I think money-wise, it would be cheaper to live on post. The only availability right now is Casablanca / Anzio Acres. But we're not opposed to getting on a waiting list and just living in our van at the rv park for awhile, though.
I noticed a lot of mom's groups on meetup.com. I'm not sure which one to join. Looking forward to moving back East, although I'll miss California a lot. But it will be nicer to be back near our families.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
I think we're going to live on post. We only have one car, and I think money-wise, it would be cheaper to live on post. The only availability right now is Casablanca / Anzio Acres. But we're not opposed to getting on a waiting list and just living in our van at the rv park for awhile, though.
I noticed a lot of mom's groups on meetup.com. I'm not sure which one to join. Looking forward to moving back East, although I'll miss California a lot. But it will be nicer to be back near our families.

Look for Fayetteville Mommies on the Mommies Network, that is the group I would recommend. We have an AP/NFL section. Claire and Karla both live here as well and are on the FM board.

You'll be eligible for temporary housing for a little while once you get here, I live on post too but we ended up living off for about 4 months until housing became available. The wait list can be pretty crazy. Where are you originally from?


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Look for Fayetteville Mommies on the Mommies Network, that is the group I would recommend. We have an AP/NFL section. Claire and Karla both live here as well and are on the FM board.

You'll be eligible for temporary housing for a little while once you get here, I live on post too but we ended up living off for about 4 months until housing became available. The wait list can be pretty crazy. Where are you originally from?

Thanks, Katie! I will definitely check that out.







I've been watching the waiting list, and it seems to change constantly. So yeah, it might be a wait.
I'm originally from Athens, Ga., but I moved to New England 10.5 years ago. That's more what I consider home. I am glad to be closer to Athens, though. My brother lives there still, and my parents live just across the Ga. border in North Carolina. So that will be nice. Where are you from originally?


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
Thanks, Katie! I will definitely check that out.







I've been watching the waiting list, and it seems to change constantly. So yeah, it might be a wait.
I'm originally from Athens, Ga., but I moved to New England 10.5 years ago. That's more what I consider home. I am glad to be closer to Athens, though. My brother lives there still, and my parents live just across the Ga. border in North Carolina. So that will be nice. Where are you from originally?

My husband and I are both from NY, I grew up in upstate NY while he spent most of his teen years at West Point where his dad worked. We have family all over New England (Mostly Mass. and Maine). It's interesting being a Yankee down here. I have a friend from high school who lives in Athens, she went to UGA.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
I think we're going to live on post. We only have one car, and I think money-wise, it would be cheaper to live on post. The only availability right now is Casablanca / Anzio Acres. But we're not opposed to getting on a waiting list and just living in our van at the rv park for awhile, though.
I noticed a lot of mom's groups on meetup.com. I'm not sure which one to join. Looking forward to moving back East, although I'll miss California a lot. But it will be nicer to be back near our families.

We had a nice, new house in Anzio Acres when we were at Bragg. I would live in that housing area again!


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
There will always be people like that, unfortunately. And somebody always has to be blamed regardless of whether it's their fault or not, it's just the way the Army works. As I tell DH, he just has to let it roll off him and not take it personally, just consider it part of the job.

DH is on his way home







: He should get in late this weekend, we're hoping.

Yay for you. Mine is in training but we're visiting him now. Tough with a baby and a toddler but I met an army wife (well, he's retired) who nursed all six kids into toddlerhood, even tandeming, while her DH was active duty, and that was 20 or so years ago. Sometimes when you just hear someone surviving it's encouraging!


----------



## abarnes

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CTH3989* 
Just popping in to say hello! I'm Chelci, 20, married to a Marine. We have 2 children and live in Hawaii.

Welcome! I am Angela, Army wife and we just moved to Yakima, Wa. We've been really busy unpacking and getting ready for school, etc.. Oh yeah, and that "moving to a new place cold" that's running through the family.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Yay for you. Mine is in training but we're visiting him now. Tough with a baby and a toddler but I met an army wife (well, he's retired) who nursed all six kids into toddlerhood, even tandeming, while her DH was active duty, and that was 20 or so years ago. Sometimes when you just hear someone surviving it's encouraging!

Wow, that's really encouraging! I'm still nursing the two of them but I don't know how much longer DS is going to go, it has definitely been a life saver though. Especially at bed time because he conks right out afterward. DH has been a bit delayed but it looks like he'll get in tomorrow sometime if all goes well, he almost didn't get on the flights he did and would have been even more delayed. So fingers and toes are crossed!


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
We had a nice, new house in Anzio Acres when we were at Bragg. I would live in that housing area again!

That's encouraging! Thanks so much!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
My dh just got orders to Ft. Bragg. We'll be there in 3 weeks. Anybody else in this tribe there? We're coming from the Presidio of Monterey. That is going to be a HUGE change.









oh good, another MDCer coming to Bragg! There are several of us here, the more the merrier







Definitely check out the Fayettville Mommies that Katie mentioned, we have some fun playdates. They have been a wealth of info for me. There are a couple of good Le Leche League meetings too if you're currently nursing and into that. We live off base, and are AF, so I can't help you much with info on Bragg housing. I've heard good things and bad, depending on who you ask. Good luck with the move!


----------



## ~Katie~

Oh and if you're here I'm having a cloth diapering playdate at my house on the 22nd!

DH gets in tomorrow, finally. And they're giving him two extra days, don't know why but I'll take it. I'm super excited, he's been delayed 3 extra days so far and I kind of felt like he would never get here.


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Oh and if you're here I'm having a cloth diapering playdate at my house on the 22nd!

DH gets in tomorrow, finally. And they're giving him two extra days, don't know why but I'll take it. I'm super excited, he's been delayed 3 extra days so far and I kind of felt like he would never get here.

Thanks, y'all! My son's been out of diapers for a long time (EC), but maybe I could still take you up on your offer.







It will just depend on how busy we are those first few days. My dh has to report 20sep.
DS is still nursing; are there extended nursers who go to the LLL meetings there?
I just went to the Mommies Network (how had I not heard of that before?!) and filled out the info to join the group.
Katie, is your dh home on R&R? Must be nice to have him home AND the extra 3 days. Awesome. Your kids must have missed him. DS was really young when my dh deployed so it didn't bother him; I'm sure the next time will be MUCH different.
Well, we have lots of packing to do (we're doing a DITY), and then we're hitting the road next Thursday. It's going to be one long drive.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
Thanks, y'all! My son's been out of diapers for a long time (EC), but maybe I could still take you up on your offer.







It will just depend on how busy we are those first few days. My dh has to report 20sep.
DS is still nursing; are there extended nursers who go to the LLL meetings there?
I just went to the Mommies Network (how had I not heard of that before?!) and filled out the info to join the group.
Katie, is your dh home on R&R? Must be nice to have him home AND the extra 3 days. Awesome. Your kids must have missed him. DS was really young when my dh deployed so it didn't bother him; I'm sure the next time will be MUCH different.
Well, we have lots of packing to do (we're doing a DITY), and then we're hitting the road next Thursday. It's going to be one long drive.









We were ECer's as well until we moved, then my DS refused to go on the potty. He's starting to take more of an interest in it again now. There's a toddler LLL group but I have not been to it yet. My DH is supposed to get in tomorrow. My DD was born 2 weeks after he deployed, he couldn't stay behind for it. This will be her first time meeting him. My DS had a very hard time at first with all the adjustments and at this point I think most of his memories of DH have been replaced by what he sees in pictures, he knows daddy is coming and has been asking everyday if "daddy come home?" so it'll be interesting to see how he does tomorrow.

Good luck with packing and the move!


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Oh and if you're here I'm having a cloth diapering playdate at my house on the 22nd!

DH gets in tomorrow, finally. And they're giving him two extra days, don't know why but I'll take it. I'm super excited, he's been delayed 3 extra days so far and I kind of felt like he would never get here.

Enjoy the time with your DH and your LOs!

I'm a little jealous of all you moms over at Ft Bragg, I wish I could find some MDC military moms where I am!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
DS is still nursing; are there extended nursers who go to the LLL meetings there?

I've been to the toddler group a couple of times, it's almost all extended nursers. my ds is 1, and he is probably the youngest there.


----------



## mmgrimm

Hi everybody!
I have a quick question about schools on Fort Lewis. Has anyone had any experience with the special education program at Evergreen Elementary? We are moving On-Post this month and are transferring DS1.


----------



## annekevdbroek

I usually don't post here - occasionally cruise by. My husband deployed this weekend to Iraq. We only had about 10 days notice this time. It's in the midst of all this other stuff going on: DS1 starting a spanish immersion language school, I am starting to work again in a couple weeks after 6 years off, I am turning 40 in a couple days (so much for going out on my birthday







) and it is all feeling quite overwhelming. Kids haven't quite reached the freak-out point yet about missing Daddy.

And, the engine light came on my husbands car today - so that is one more PITA thing to deal with.


----------



## abarnes

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annekevdbroek* 
I usually don't post here - occasionally cruise by.
.................










Sounds like a typical deployment scenario







I'm sorry you are having so much to deal with all at the same time.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annekevdbroek* 
I usually don't post here - occasionally cruise by. My husband deployed this weekend to Iraq. We only had about 10 days notice this time. It's in the midst of all this other stuff going on: DS1 starting a spanish immersion language school, I am starting to work again in a couple weeks after 6 years off, I am turning 40 in a couple days (so much for going out on my birthday







) and it is all feeling quite overwhelming. Kids haven't quite reached the freak-out point yet about missing Daddy.

And, the engine light came on my husbands car today - so that is one more PITA thing to deal with.










Thinking of you...














:


----------



## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annekevdbroek* 
I usually don't post here - occasionally cruise by. My husband deployed this weekend to Iraq. We only had about 10 days notice this time. It's in the midst of all this other stuff going on: DS1 starting a spanish immersion language school, I am starting to work again in a couple weeks after 6 years off, I am turning 40 in a couple days (so much for going out on my birthday







) and it is all feeling quite overwhelming. Kids haven't quite reached the freak-out point yet about missing Daddy.

And, the engine light came on my husbands car today - so that is one more PITA thing to deal with.










Oh annekevdbroek - what a frustrating start to a deployment, and a typically annoying amount of forewarning! The only positive I can see is that with DH's car in the shop you'll have more room in the garage?

I'm dealing with the coming-home issues with DD. She goes from my partner to being crazy (acting out, wild physical almost add like) and listening only about 5% of the time. The thing about me is I really value listening - me to her, her to me - and this is the one thing she drops when he first come home. Of course he's coming/going all the damn time (gone a month, home 2 weeks, gone 10 days, home 3 days, gone two months - this is all BEFORE the BIG deployment coming up) and I know he'll be leaving in no time again which is so frustrating. Just when this behavior ends, I'll have to go back into helping mode as she needs extra cuddles, etc. once he leaves again.

I wish I knew the tools to have DD act "normal" though the transitions but I think it's a pipe dream


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
Hi everybody!
I have a quick question about schools on Fort Lewis. Has anyone had any experience with the special education program at Evergreen Elementary? We are moving On-Post this month and are transferring DS1.

We live on Fort Lewis (Madigan neighborhood), and my two older boys will attend Evergreen for the first time this coming school year. My neighbor has two children in the special ed programs there (one ASD, one with severe memory loss), and she speaks very highly of the teachers and staff in the Sp. Ed. programs at Evergreen. The facility itself is very nice, and the office staff seems responsive and caring.

Nice to see another Ft. Lewis mom here! The post will be pretty deserted in the coming months as most of the units deploy, so we should start trying to get a support group together or something. I don't think the Officers Spouses Club is going to do it for me, as far as support for AP/NFL practices go







.


----------



## ~Katie~

:(click me)

DH got in on Tuesday, we just got back from visiting my IL's today. We're having a great time together. Tomorrow is my DS's birthday, having DH here for it is definitely the greatest gift for him. I don't think he forgot for one second who he is.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Katie, I'm tearing up. We just got back from visiting DH @ training. It was heartbreaking.

Ft. Lewis moms:







:


----------



## Thystle

Is there a Sept. thread that I missed?









I have a question for you all. What do you do to "prep" your kids for when your SO deploys? Anything special?

Thanks!


----------



## ~Katie~

Whoops, new thread!


----------



## ~Katie~

Sorry it took me so long to start a new thread!

Lots going on here. I got a letter in the mail two days ago saying they're moving all the company grade officers into another gated community off post and then moving all the junior enlisted families into our housing instead. They're going to call me within the next 8 days or so to start making arrangements. They're going to move everything for us so that's a plus. Apparently we have the option to stay for a period of time but I'd rather go now and get first pick at housing rather than waiting until they force us out. I'm hoping that we'll be in by Thanksgiving.

It is stressful having to do the move on my own but it will be really nice having a brand new house. They're 4 bed/2.5 baths and have lots of upgrades, so they're actually worth what we pay out each month.

Still no word on DH's backpay and pay adjustment, everyone is still saying "we're not responsible for it". He forwards all of these emails to the other party but it's no use, no one wants to deal with it. He's spoken to anyone who will listen and he's not sure who else to go to at this point.


----------



## Alohamelly

That's great that you're going to get new housing! We moved into a tiny, old house on Bragg and a few months later, they moved us to a brand new one. It was nice!

We are in our second month of this deployment. It still sucks and I'm still struggling with the kids, but at least we have a lot of friends and a lot of activities to keep us busy so that time goes by faster. Also, communication with my husband is excellent this time around. When his internet is working well, we get to talk twice a day! Things have changed so much since he was deployed for the first time back in 2003. Even my boxes are getting to him in about 4 days this time around.


----------



## MovingMomma

Did you all see the news about the Military Spouse Residency Relief Act?

Here's a couple of stories: http://www.airforcetimes.com/benefit...dency_111009w/
http://www.fayobserver.com/Articles/2009/11/11/951513

And the text of the bill is here. You have to click on #4 (S.475.ENR) for the text of the bill.

My home state (WA) has actually been pretty good about residency. I've maintained my driver's license there & vote absentee in every election. They actually give mil spouses non expiring driver's licenses just like active duty! We've had several complaints about our current state, however, including income taxes and the vehicle tax.


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## MarineWife

Shannon! What are you doing here? I was about to whine about some military stuff on our other group but realized it probably wasn't on topic so came looking here for a military group. I just found this tribe and was going to join and here you are already signed up!

Subbing

My dh is a Marine, currently deployed but coming home soon.


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## ~adorkable~

hi girls, just subbing to the new thread, thank for starting it.

So a rather open question for you all, i have been made FRG Leader, any advice? I'm glad to do it the FRG has been really lacking and i have felt really disconnected to the unit and i dont like that, we have a small unit, just around 30 men and women (nearly 50-50!)

So i would like to make the frg into something that both wives and husbands feel supported by and that is a good thing rather than a drag and just another meeting to have to go to. if you have any ideas let me know.


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## mntnmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
hi girls, just subbing to the new thread, thank for starting it.

So a rather open question for you all, i have been made FRG Leader, any advice? I'm glad to do it the FRG has been really lacking and i have felt really disconnected to the unit and i dont like that, we have a small unit, just around 30 men and women (nearly 50-50!)

So i would like to make the frg into something that both wives and husbands feel supported by and that is a good thing rather than a drag and just another meeting to have to go to. if you have any ideas let me know.

Ask them what they need. Here, we're trying to work in some daytime "mommy" social events and welcoming incoming families. We're in the post deployment part of the cycle, so we're getting a lot of young families, right from AIT. Do you have a lot of childless marrieds? That changes the whole dynamic. Get everyone's email, and send out a quick easy survey!


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## MovingMomma

MW! Too funny! I guess it's a small MDC!


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
hi girls, just subbing to the new thread, thank for starting it.

So a rather open question for you all, i have been made FRG Leader, any advice? I'm glad to do it the FRG has been really lacking and i have felt really disconnected to the unit and i dont like that, we have a small unit, just around 30 men and women (nearly 50-50!)

So i would like to make the frg into something that both wives and husbands feel supported by and that is a good thing rather than a drag and just another meeting to have to go to. if you have any ideas let me know.

This is the first place I've been to with a very active FRG. Our FRG leader sends emails all the time, there are activities and meetings regularly. The problem is, the turnout is always low. I don't know why and I feel bad for our FRG leader who puts a lot of time and effort into things. She plans a lot of stuff for the kids, which is nice, but at our Halloween party, 4 of us showed up.

I don't know what to tell you. I think our FRG leader is doing a good job and I have no idea what else she could do to make it better and make people want to show up.


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## justKate

*KatieJD*, congrats on your UC! I haven't visited the thread for a while so I thought I'd reintroduce myself.

I'm Casey. We have a 9mo. daughter. Huz is coast guard, w/10 yrs. active + some reserve time. He's actually not "working" right now because they've sent him to school for 2 years, and then we'll owe them 4 (no big deal b/c we were going to do 20 anyway). So for now we're in Austin, TX @ UT.

There's a small Army installation here, but really nothing for us, so we live off-base and go up to Ft. Hood in Killeen for commissary, etc. My biggest challenge right now, having moved from a small base in Florida, is not having a close-knit community of military families around. We have 1 1/2 years left here and I'm trying to stay positive about it until we can get back near the water.


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## ~Katie~

Welcome newcomers! We should do quick intro's at the start of every new thread just so everyone can get re-acquainted









I'm Katie, my DH is a MI officer here at Fort Bragg, currently deployed until the spring. We've lived here for almost a year and a half and are looking at moving again in the summer of 2011. We're originally from NY but have lived in lots of places.








to those of you going through deployment. It can be so hard in the beginning. I promise you that as time goes on it will get easier, you're fall into a routine and everyone will adjust.

Adorkable - I'd do what everyone else said, try to get as much input as possible and try to plan activities that work for the group and at times that are appropriate for everyone. My biggest gripe with ours is that there just isn't a lot of contact and it seems like they've taken on more than they can handle.

Thanks, justKate!


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## gagin37

subbing

I'm Claire, dh is active duty Air Force, we're currently stationed at Pope AFB, which is adjacent to Fort Bragg. We have one son, Robbie, who is almost 15months.

not much new with us... trudging along, gearing up for the holidays. I'm dreading all the traveling. it's hard being so far from family.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 







to those of you going through deployment. It can be so hard in the beginning. I promise you that as time goes on it will get easier, you're fall into a routine and everyone will adjust.

This is our 4th deployment in 5 years. I find that it gets more difficult with each one. Even though dh's first deployment ended up being 4 months longer than expected when he left it wasn't that hard. However, it seems that with each deployment he becomes more disconnected from us. He hasn't been home long enough at any one time to make up for all time he's been gone so we never get back to being a whole family before he leaves again. This time he'll be home for about 3 weeks and then gone again for another several months. It's not a deployment this time but still far enough away that we'll be luck to see him twice during that time.

That's actually the reason I came searching for just such a group as this. I'm having a really hard time with the anticipation of my dh's return. He seems to have the expectation that everyone should do what he wants and give him whatever he wants because he's been in such a stressful situation. He doesn't seem to have any understanding of or compassion for what we've been through with him being gone so much. Every time we talk on the phone now (which is every couple of weeks if we're lucky) we argue about this. I think he's being selfish and inconsiderate of us and he thinks I'm being selfish and inconsiderate of him. Usually, I'm pretty good at not having an expectations of his homecomings. This time is different because of the things he has said to me. He just doesn't seem like the man I married anymore. He used to be all about taking care of us but now it seems he only thinks of himself.

That is somewhat understandable since he hasn't really had to think about anyone in terms of family for months and he's been through this so many times that it's like being a bachelor again in a lot of ways. I try to be understanding of that. I also try to be understanding of the fact that after living the way he has he won't be able to just fall back into the role of father and husband. I think he needs to take all of that into consideration, though, and make a real, concerted effort to get back into the swing of things. Instead, he says he wants to come home and have peace and quiet. Well, um, that isn't going to happen with 2 LOs and an adult teenager. Sorry but that's our life and it can't be undone. I've been seriously thinking that if he comes home and sits on his butt for the 3 weeks that he's home and expects me to continue to do everything for everyone I'll leave. I don't need another baby to take care of.

So, there it is. That probably sounds pretty harsh for my intro. I'm really not a selfish person.







I'm just tired of getting the message that I need to make everything perfect for him without any consideration for me.


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## justKate

MW,







to you.

My Huz deployed to the middle east twice as a reservist before we were married, but thankfully the coast guard doesn't do a lot of deployments for active duty. Honestly I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, but I hope that you find a way through it. My Huz has a similar attitude when he's gone on a few weeks of school or training, and it is hard to feel like a single mom in terms of everything you do, but still have any emotional energy left to address the needs of a spouse. Let alone expect them to be a contributing adult in the household. I don't think you sound selfish at all.


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## ~Katie~

I don't think you sound harsh at all. It must be extremely difficult to have deployments so frequently. I'd recommend some type of counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be receptive to it, so maybe some counseling for yourself? I don't know your situation, but I don't think this is due to anything you did. I think this is a symptom from the frequent deployments. The ladies here have been an awesome support to me and I hope you can find some here as well


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## MarineWife

Thanks, 2 Katies, for understanding how I feel. It's good to be able to get that off my chest without hearing the old, "but what about him?" stuff. Everyone else is making me feel like I'm not being thoughtful of my dh. He's in a war zone after all. Haha! At least he knows from day to day that he's still alive. I may not hear anything from him or anyone else for weeks so I have to hold on to the fact that no uniforms have shown up at my door. Also, they obviously have no idea what it's like caring for 2 LOs without a break as essentially a single parent. I still can't even go to the bathroom without an entourage.







I'm really beginning to understand the women who've been in this for 20+ years and can't wait for retirement.

We do go to counseling. I go regularly and he goes when he can. He is very open to counseling but I think he sees it more as something for me that he can contribute to rather than something for himself individually as well. The counselor I'm seeing currently doesn't really help me much with this but I haven't been able to find anyone else. She tells me to focus on the positive stuff. That's all well and good and I do try to do that but I'm so run down. I'm burned out. I fantasize about disappearing, running off to be by myself with no other responsibilities. I also feel so lonely. Friends and family just can't fill that void where my dh should be.

I so want us to be happy and enjoy our short time together but I don't think I can keep from getting resentments if he comes home and just zones out. Thanks for listening to me whine.


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## ~Katie~

Anytime







I hope you can find a counselor who will be better able to help you. You really need some tools and it doesn't sound like she's giving you any. And I agree that the "what about him?" stuff isn't helpful. It seems like it's the old-school folks who still have that mentality, I think the military is slowly starting to shape up and start thinking about families as well (one can hope, anyway). Some of the things I've heard seriously make me do a double-take. I think in general that frequent separations are much harder than longer deployments and longer periods of time back home because you never have enough time to adjust and get yourself into a routine before they're home and gone again, which means you need even more support in order to get through it. Maybe you can hook up with some ladies in your area?

I'm hoping and praying that we get good news about the upcoming plans for Afghanistan


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## ~adorkable~

well i guess i'll jump in on the introductions...

I'm a Army Wife and we've had two 1+ year tours to iraq the last one ending in May. My Beloved is a Combat Medic and now also an Occupational Therapy Assistant, he is with a Combat Stress Control Team (Mental Health and then some) currently.

We are at Ft Lewis and thankfully i love the NW, he got moved here just for me and both of our families are within a few hours drive. I really appreciate what he has done to get and keep himself here so I could have some connection to folks i know. I have found Army life really lonely. without kids it is so hard to meet folks it seems

thankfully he and his unit really recognized that it may be harder for the folks left at home than the soldiers some times, at least they are are doing their job and are busy and like you said, MW, they know they are alive.

we have been wanting for our first child for 3 years now and actively working for it for 2 years next month, so that is our big hard thing right now. He feels bad that he has been gone so much and that it has made even harder something that sadly seems broken even when we are around each other. I tell him its ok, but often i get fed up with it too.
he is of missing my fertile window this month, of course, blah

As i sit here is in Ft Hood, he was already scheduled to go down there as a unit to help train 2 other Combat Stress Teams that are about to deploy, he flew down 3 days after the terrible shootings. i large handful of the folks in the unit he was going to train are now dead, more still are wounded. It is very convoluted down there and now they really are not sure when they are getting back. If he misses thanksgiving I'm going to scream. I have not had Thanksgiving with him in 3 years.

i have stepped up and taken on the FRG leadership to help myself get more connected to folks, also i think it has not been done well and i would like to see if i can fix that. I get along really well with the 1st Sgt and our new Commander seems good so i feel pretty supported in this new role.

It is so nice having this Military thread, it is hard to find other folks that are similar in both these aspects of my life. Some months i dont post a lot, but i always read everything and it is a bright part of my life


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
This is our 4th deployment in 5 years. I find that it gets more difficult with each one. Even though dh's first deployment ended up being 4 months longer than expected when he left it wasn't that hard. However, it seems that with each deployment he becomes more disconnected from us. He hasn't been home long enough at any one time to make up for all time he's been gone so we never get back to being a whole family before he leaves again. This time he'll be home for about 3 weeks and then gone again for another several months. It's not a deployment this time but still far enough away that we'll be luck to see him twice during that time.

That's actually the reason I came searching for just such a group as this. I'm having a really hard time with the anticipation of my dh's return. He seems to have the expectation that everyone should do what he wants and give him whatever he wants because he's been in such a stressful situation. He doesn't seem to have any understanding of or compassion for what we've been through with him being gone so much. Every time we talk on the phone now (which is every couple of weeks if we're lucky) we argue about this. I think he's being selfish and inconsiderate of us and he thinks I'm being selfish and inconsiderate of him. Usually, I'm pretty good at not having an expectations of his homecomings. This time is different because of the things he has said to me. He just doesn't seem like the man I married anymore. He used to be all about taking care of us but now it seems he only thinks of himself.

That is somewhat understandable since he hasn't really had to think about anyone in terms of family for months and he's been through this so many times that it's like being a bachelor again in a lot of ways. I try to be understanding of that. I also try to be understanding of the fact that after living the way he has he won't be able to just fall back into the role of father and husband. I think he needs to take all of that into consideration, though, and make a real, concerted effort to get back into the swing of things. Instead, he says he wants to come home and have peace and quiet. Well, um, that isn't going to happen with 2 LOs and an adult teenager. Sorry but that's our life and it can't be undone. I've been seriously thinking that if he comes home and sits on his butt for the 3 weeks that he's home and expects me to continue to do everything for everyone I'll leave. I don't need another baby to take care of.

So, there it is. That probably sounds pretty harsh for my intro. I'm really not a selfish person.







I'm just tired of getting the message that I need to make everything perfect for him without any consideration for me.

You don't sound selfish. My husband has not been deployed but we've been through a lot of separations (months long) for work (in Afghanistan as a civilian) before he joined the military and we always had this problem.

My expectation: Now that he's home, I will no longer be a single parent.
His expectation: Now I will finally have a family that loves and TAKES CARE of me.

What helped us last time was that I decided that the only hope we had was if I took the first step. I decided--screw it, if I burn out, I burn out, but I am going to be the wife he needs. I got us childcare to make love once a day in the middle of the day and at night had a cup of coffee and woke him up to make love to him. I had a ton of meals in the freezer and every meal was at the dinner table. I told him he could bring his computer to the table but we missed him so much, he had to be there. I just really, really tried to make it like I hoped he'd imagined, you know, hot meals, etc. And if he didn't respond, he got a back rub.

Honestly, it did work. Of course there was not that combat stress. I'm not saying it will work with everyone. But basically, I said to myself, I'm going to look at his return as my deployment / work and I will succeed if it kills me. And if, after a year of sex once or twice a day, back rubs, etc. etc. he still does NOTHING to appreciate me, then we'll take another look.

But they really must be suffering out there and while I don't expect to do 100%, I don't mind doing 150% for some time while he works up his energy.

(When I used to come home from Afghanistan, I would sleep for weeks. Just sleep. And that was not after combat or anything, that was just after regular work!!!)

I understand how you feel because I share that resentment. But it got to a point where our marriage was going to end, so this is where I found myself.

May or may not work for you guys. I'm thinking of you!


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
So, there it is. That probably sounds pretty harsh for my intro. I'm really not a selfish person.







I'm just tired of getting the message that I need to make everything perfect for him without any consideration for me.

It does not sound harsh at all!









I didn't introduce myself - I am Melissa AKA Melly. We're stationed at Ft. Lewis right now. My husband is in the Army. He left in September for his third deployment to Iraq. We've been married for 6 years, have done 2 year long Iraq deployments and he's done the 1 year Korea thing. He's been gone for over half of our marriage! It really really sucks, but the sad thing is, I'm used to being alone now. I've never been alone with 3 kids before though, so this time around it's really hard. Sometimes I regret having a third baby so soon after having my second. I think if I had a bigger spacing between them, maybe I wouldn't be struggling so much now ... but then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I couldn't imagine life without my little baby!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
it got to a point where our marriage was going to end, so this is where I found myself.

Yeah, this is what I'm afraid of. If I get enough resentment about his attitude, our marriage will eventually be over. There's no way I could do everything you said you did. I can try to shift my thinking so that I'm prepared to continue doing what I've been doing while he's been gone and include him in that as much as is reasonable without expecting him to do much. In other words, when I make dinner I'll make enough for him. When I do the laundry, I'll wash his clothes, too. However, I'm not going to break my back doing a lot of extra stuff just for him. It's very important to me, though, that he do things with the kids, especially since we will have such a short time together. The kids need him to be present for them.

My dh never admits that he has any combat stress. He always says he's fine even though I tell him he's different. He either doesn't see it or won't face it. I don't know which. He's not a bad guy. He doesn't come home and start ordering everyone around or anything like that. He knows that wouldn't fly. He does have a hard time transitioning from giving and taking orders without question to kids who aren't very good and following orders and question everything. I think if he just realized that he has some personal issues that he needs to work on, that would make a huge difference in things. As long as he continues to deny that anything has changed we will continue to have problems.

On top of that stress, I don't know what's going to happen during the 5-6 months that he's back in the states but not with us and what will happen after that. It's not clear whether the school he's going to is considered a PCS move or just a TAD. If it's a TAD, we won't have to worry because we'll still get out BAH for here and he'll get his daily expenses paid. If it's a PCS move, our BAH will drop significantly plus we'll have to pay extra for his living expenses. Going with his is just not an option. I'm not going to pack up and move the family to Lawton, OK for 5-6 months just to move back here, especially since we own our home. But, we're not certain he'll be able to come back here and stay once he's done in OK. He's hoping to get assigned to a different unit at the same base but that's not guaranteed.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
It really really sucks, but the sad thing is, I'm used to being alone now.

That's part of the problem, isn't it? I get used to being on my own, doing things my own way (which is very different from the way my dh does things) and then, all of a sudden, there's another adult in my home, my space expecting me to do things differently. I was an actual single parent for 9 years before I married my dh so I try to look at the positives. At least I don't have to work. It's still just as lonely, maybe even more so, because there's not the possibility of meeting someone, if that makes sense. I'm in a committed relationship with someone who's rarely home so I'm committed to being alone a lot.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
I've never been alone with 3 kids before though, so this time around it's really hard. Sometimes I regret having a third baby so soon after having my second. I think if I had a bigger spacing between them, maybe I wouldn't be struggling so much now ... but then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I couldn't imagine life without my little baby!

Your two youngest are less than a year apart? Did I get that right? That must be hard. Mine are about 3 1/2 years apart. I had ds3 halfway through my dh's year long deployment. DS2 was then and still is now, at almost 6, very needy of me. He doesn't like to do much on his own. On top of that, I had a 16yo who was acting crazy.

I have planned something for my dh that I think he'll appreciate. I've arranged for us to get away alone for a couple of days. Hopefully, that will give us a chance to reconnect.


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## MarineWife

Me again. I got an email from my dh. I sent him one a while ago asking if he had given any thought or consideration to what the rest of us need. His response was that all the points I brought up were the things he was planning to focus on for the short time he's home. So, it seems that, as usual, we were thinking the same thing but doing a very poor job of communicating with each other. We do that all the time. Last time I talked to him on the phone I asked him if he could stop worrying about how things will be when he's home, let me handle it and trust me. He said he could. We'll see. I'm feeling better, though.


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## MovingMomma

Oh,







MW! I'm glad you're feeling better about your DH's homecoming! We always have a transition period when DH returns, where for a week or two (depending on how things are going) he does not discipline the kids at all. He does pitch in around the house, though.







Regarding the school: if it's less than 6 months, it's TAD, more, it's PCS. I guess the question is the exact duration, though.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Oh,







MW! I'm glad you're feeling better about your DH's homecoming! We always have a transition period when DH returns, where for a week or two (depending on how things are going) he does not discipline the kids at all. He does pitch in around the house, though.







Regarding the school: if it's less than 6 months, it's TAD, more, it's PCS. I guess the question is the exact duration, though.

Thanks. My dh rarely disciplines the kids anyway. When I say get involved with the kids I mean do things for them like make their meals, give them baths, read books, that sort of thing. Yeah, with the school thing, it's the duration that's uncertain. My dh at first thought it was 6 months and would be a PCS move. Later he was told it was just under 6 months so it might just be a TAD. Last we talked about it that hadn't been cleared up.


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'm in a committed relationship with someone who's rarely home so I'm committed to being alone a lot.

That SO resonates with me.

My husband is the XO on a submarine and works insane hours when he's home, then comes and goes a lot. Lots of







here and I'm starting to notice the stress for my DD who is almost 5. Amusingly today another submarine blew a sanitary tank (accident) all over DH's car - that is what you get for going into work at 6 a.m. on a Sunday buddy! Sleep in with your family and see your DD and your car might not be covered in the excrement of 120 men! Can we all say a collective eeeeeewwwwww!

We went to the Chaplain on base and got some things worked out but the amount of separation in our lives over the last 10 years has changed us both and I'm not completely convinced that we'll ever get to a place where we feel great about the relationship. He comes in/out of our lives and I accommodate him for the sake of our daughter, but I think if we had not had a child we would not be as worried about riding out what seems like the never ending journey. DH makes 15 years in May so 5 more to go...and then we'll find out if we've got enough left in our relationship to live together full time and make it work.

I guess I'm just Debbie Downer today as I'm not usually THAT down about things. But yet again the hours worked are insane, deployment approaches (a week here, gone, back, gone for a month, home for 3 days...the never ending unpredictable cycle) and I realize that DD and I are going to get nothing of emotional value to pull us through but one another. Blah.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
My husband is the XO on a submarine and works insane hours when he's home, then comes and goes a lot. Lots of







here and I'm starting to notice the stress for my DD who is almost 5. Amusingly today another submarine blew a sanitary tank (accident) all over DH's car - that is what you get for going into work at 6 a.m. on a Sunday buddy! Sleep in with your family and see your DD and your car might not be covered in the excrement of 120 men! Can we all say a collective eeeeeewwwwww!

We went to the Chaplain on base and got some things worked out but the amount of separation in our lives over the last 10 years has changed us both and I'm not completely convinced that we'll ever get to a place where we feel great about the relationship. He comes in/out of our lives and I accommodate him for the sake of our daughter, but I think if we had not had a child we would not be as worried about riding out what seems like the never ending journey. DH makes 15 years in May so 5 more to go...and then we'll find out if we've got enough left in our relationship to live together full time and make it work.

I guess I'm just Debbie Downer today as I'm not usually THAT down about things. But yet again the hours worked are insane, deployment approaches (a week here, gone, back, gone for a month, home for 3 days...the never ending unpredictable cycle) and I realize that DD and I are going to get nothing of emotional value to pull us through but one another. Blah.

I've heard sub duty is hard.







on the explosion.

When my dh told me he wanted to go into the military, I told him anything but the Navy because those guys are gone all the time. I knew he wanted to join the Marines, anyway. It didn't occur to me at the time that the Marines are part of the Navy.







We've been through 4 deployments in the past 5 years that add up to 3 years but there's also the constant training missions for a month here and a week or two there. It's crazy.

I've thought of having us go to the Chaplain as a couple. It makes sense that he would understand our issues better. My counselor sees a lot of military families but she doesn't have firsthand knowledge of the life. I'd like to go on one of their couples weekend workshops but we've always had a baby we couldn't leave. I've asked my dh to see the Chaplain on his own but he hasn't. I was thinking he might be more likely able to get some time from work to do that. You found it helpful?


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## EdnaMarie

MW, so glad that he recognizes the need for extra work. Men never think they have stress. They think the world has gone wrong.

I am writing but I have to post here... I posted @ Germany Mil Wives. We are going to support DH's parents more than we were. We are going to have something like $750 for all expenses if I don't work. I mean, is that even possible? I feel sick. I couldn't even sleep thinking about it. Does anyone know if DoD substitute teacher jobs pay well? Apparently there's a shortage. They didn't ask for an ME, and I do have a bachelor's.


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## mmgrimm

Hi! My name is Marie and I have been a military wife now for over 6 years. My DH is an MP stationed at Fort Lewis. We used to live off post but moved on post last month so I have been busy lately and have had no time to post. We have DS1 4 and DS2 almost 3. We have been fortunate enough to only have had one deployment in the six years. But its only because in 6 years we have had 4 PCS moves. Fingers are crossed that we will be a few more years.

EdnaMarie- Did u take into account the COLA that you will be recieving? I don't think $750 is enough for all expenses...when we were in Germany everything was so expensive (groceries, clothes, car insurance, phone, internet). I know DOD teachers make decent money but not sure about subs...it can't hurt to apply!


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## justme77

Wow. I haven't been on MDC in a while. I needed you ladies and this thread. Glad something had me come here tonight.








to all of us though. For living the life. Its a job within your job.

MW -- I feel your pain. Every bit of it. We are on tour 4 since '03. One big difference from most of you is we are Reserves. Which sucks in its own way because no matter how much your friends and family love you and support you -- civilians don't get. Period. And how could they. And while Active Duty is getting better, we do tend to get the cold shoulder from base personnel when approaching for help. Anyway, I told DH before this tour that I was scared. I lose a little piece of him every time he leaves. And each tour he returns with a shorter temper fuse and much more defensive. Which yes yes yes I can freaking expect and understand. But that does NOT make it easier. The kids don't understand what you have been going through. I do just try to focus on the positive or find the f'ing silver lining in every situation (it may be hard to find, but its there.)

I'm going to vent a bit too:
I am honestly super scared about this return. My husband lost his brother in June. He returned on Emergency Leave and was a walking Zombie. Which I completely expected and tried to explain to our eldest as much as possible. Since being back in country though, he has engrossed in his work and combat as much as possible. He has not faced his brothers death (and they were very close.) He wrote and email a few weeks ago saying he was going to volunteer for an extension. Initially I said, "Do what you have to do." Then after talking with him a few times I didn't agree that is what he needed. So I told him. I wrote him a long email telling him how much I loved and supported him, BUT I thought he was staying for the wrong reasons. I said I though he was a lost soul and running and as hard as it was to say I told him that no matter how many extensions he stayed for, when he returned it would be a greater gap to fill in our family AND his brother would still be gone.

So, he called about 3 days after I sent the email. When I saw the # I knew it was going to be a blessing or he would be pissed. Well, he cancelled the extension. He agreed with me. But, he did say he is coming home a mess and really doesn't want to. He said he knows its the right decision so he's doing it, but he doesn't want to. That hurts to hear! Ouch. I want to start counseling asap, but hubby isn't too keen on therapists. Think I'll just have to approach that one once he's home. But I do think I'd like to find one for me either way. One thing we both decided was that we are keeping the homecoming quiet. Immediate family only so the adjustment is much slower. And I'm kind of glad, because the few people I have told (that need to help me with watching our animals so I can meet him) yell or get overly excited and expect me to be too. Don't get me wrong ladies, I am excited my hubby will be out of battle soon enough -- but its not going to be a walk in the park. Its not like I can start taking on Doula Clients again immediately or leave the kids or expect anything from him really.

I am just scared. He was so vacant and distant and in his own world in June. How will I handle that on a day to day basis?

Ok, my turn to stop whining. Thanks for listening/reading. You all are the first I've been able to discuss this with without feeling like I had to defend my husband or our choices or our life. You know?!?!


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## EdnaMarie

Mmgrimm, I don't know if we'll get additional COLA or if that's included in his calculations. I have been thinking more and more I needed to get out of the house, though. It's on base so I could ride a bike there or even, since we're in rural Baumholder, ski!?

Justme, that is so, so tough.







Gosh I hope he can get some good counseling. Are there support groups he can go to? Poor guy. I wish I had advice but I don't. I know my own husband has had so many issues in his life, including the death of a brother, that he's permanently stressed now, too, and that's pre-combat. I try to be empathetic and remember that this is the world we live in, and other women have been strong and I can be, too. I think of my grandmother, because my grandpa was also in combat, and he was a short fuse but they managed. Gosh he loved her, and my mom says it did get better. So that's my inspiration.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
Hi! My name is Marie and I have been a military wife now for over 6 years. My DH is an MP stationed at Fort Lewis. We used to live off post but moved on post last month so I have been busy lately and have had no time to post. We have DS1 4 and DS2 almost 3. We have been fortunate enough to only have had one deployment in the six years. But its only because in 6 years we have had 4 PCS moves. Fingers are crossed that we will be a few more years.

EdnaMarie- Did u take into account the COLA that you will be recieving? I don't think $750 is enough for all expenses...when we were in Germany everything was so expensive (groceries, clothes, car insurance, phone, internet). I know DOD teachers make decent money but not sure about subs...it can't hurt to apply!

I'm on Fort Lewis too! I bet you get to hear lots of crazy stories from your DH, huh? So is this base really not as safe as I've heard?


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## MarineWife

Justme ~







It's so difficult to deal with all this stuff, especially when the guys won't deal with it themselves. I don't know why most men seem to be so resistant to counseling or therapy. I guess it goes back to the male weakness phobia, which is probably more pronounced in the military. It can definitely help if you get counseling with or without him. Although my therapist doesn't help me with some specific military issues, she still helps me get through the regular daily grind. Ultimately, I had to tell my dh that if he didn't go to therapy with me, our marriage would almost certainly not survive. It took a while for that to sink into his brain and I continued to go by myself until he eventually got it. I don't know how your dh would react to this but maybe you could go to the Chaplain on your own and then the Chaplain could approach your dh. I have thought of doing that myself. I know my dh wouldn't react badly to it but, for personal reasons, a military Chaplain is the last person I would go to for help. That's very risky, though, I think. You'd have to be sure that your dh and/or his unit wouldn't react badly to that. Do you have access to a Chaplain?

FWIW, with all their talk, I haven't found the Marine Corps to be all that supportive of AD families, either. They say they are supportive. The family is very important. But, when it comes down to it, the Corps is all about what the family can do to support their Marine and the Corps, not really what the Corps can do for the family. The only thing they seem to be proactive about is offering childcare. Well, I don't need childcare when my dh is deployed. I need someone to mow my lawn, fix my kitchen faucet, household repair stuff. It would be nice if they had a list of volunteers from the unit who are willing to help out other families that way when they are home. Hmm...I think I may have come up with something to suggest to our FRO. As a reservist are supposed to have access to the spouses' coffees and such? I don't know how all that works.

I got a letter from my dh the other day. It made me cry. He wrote it right after we had gotten into a fight over how he wanted things when our 18yo ds comes home for a week or two while dh is home. He finally admitted to some of the stress he's under every day. Most of the time he makes no mention of anything like that. When I ask he says he's fine. Last time I asked him if he had PTSD, his response was, "Why would I have PTSD?" Sounds like total denial. I don't know if the thinks he's protecting me but the result is the opposite. He said it's extremely stressful for him when he goes out on missions because he worries that this one will be it and he'll never see his family again since people are dying and getting wounded all around him. He has never said anything like that to me before. A lot of times he acts so aloof I wonder if he even cares that we are here. I haven't been able to talk to him since I read his letter. He said he'll be out of touch again for a while. I have to admit this time is very stressful. He's scheduled to come home very soon but still having to go out on missions. I can't help but fear that something will happen to him now. I don't get excited about him coming home until I know he's landed here.


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## ~Katie~

A quick question, I'm pretty sure I already know the answer but I wanted to find out:

My DH's grandfather is very, very ill right now. He's been in the hospital for a week with congestive heart failure. It doesn't look good at this point. We just learned about this from my MIL today and my DH is devastated. His grandmother passed away shortly before he deployed and he was/is very close to both of them, kind of like second parents. I'm pretty sure that he can only come home for immediate family, but is there some chance that he'd be able to come home should the worst happen?


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## Maluhia

Katie - if he was raised by his grandparents, he can come home. I'd contact the Red Cross and send him an official message with contact info to GP's Dr.s and such, that way it is official and goes through the command (even if DH already knows). That way if his command is going to let him come home, it's faster.


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## EdnaMarie

Ladies, we have got to do a Ft. Lewis meetup. I'm not at Ft. Lewis but I have my ID. PM me if you're interested!


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## mesa

Hello again! We arrived in Korea in (relatively) one piece...and we've been gradually settling in more and more every day. Our apartment is amazing! It's on the 19th floor...3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, wooden floors, granite and marble everywhere, every room has a balcony...just really, really nice. The neighbors (and just about every Korean I encounter) is falling-over terrified of my ridgeback, which was kind of amusing at first, but is pretty irritating now. I understand they are afraid of big dogs...but really?? Why do they have to scream and hide behind whatever's convenient (cars, telephone poles, other people)...just because we're walking by? He's not Cujo, folks!

Anyway, Camp Casey is tiny...the commissary is the size of a gas station convenience store...the PX isn't much bigger, but they seem to have mostly everything I need, and I figure I'll be able to order other stuff from the internet if I need it. Not having a vehicle is really difficult. The subway doesn't run at the hours DH needs it (4 am) so he's taking cabs to work every day....which is adding up quickly. Not to mention that we can't ever go anywhere as a family, because we have 3 kids (and the baby is in a carseat) and a family of 5 simply won't fit into a cab. We did ship the van, though, and I'm counting the days until it finally gets here.

I like it here! I can't wait to get out and start exploring....after our van arrives, that is







The boys are leaving on Friday to go visit their dad in Amsterdam, and they will be gone until Jan 16th. I'm going to miss them (especially over the holidays) but it will be a good time to get settled in here and get my bearings.

Talk to you ladies soon!


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## Lauren31

Hi, I was hoping I could join







I am Lauren, spend most of my time at the TTC and now the pregnancy boards. I felt I should venture out, and connect to military mommies who have similar lifestyles as I do.







I am a SAHW (soon to be SAHM) in Germany. We just moved here in August so that adjustment is very hard for me, especially being pregnant for the first time! Before that, Fort Leonard Wood and Fort Bragg! I am 26 and my husband is an Engineer Officer in the Army. Hi everyone!!!


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
I'm on Fort Lewis too! I bet you get to hear lots of crazy stories from your DH, huh? So is this base really not as safe as I've heard?










im here on Ft Lewis, i live off base now but i was on base for the first year or so. i felt the base was a safe one, never heard much to the contrary. now i'm sure that nowhere is really safe as long as you are around a lot of other folks specially young ones just learning life.
now ft lewis has had recurring issues with the barracks it seems, not sure if that happens on every post but it sure seems like it is a lot.

to me this base is wonderful, i am a NW local and i love all the trees and lakes. i tip, go check out McChord it is reaallly nice, not sure why the big difference, and thier PX (BX i guess) is totally different than ours and huuuuuge!.


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## EdnaMarie

Lauren, congratulations on your baby!!! With over 3k posts, you must have been trying for some time. I'm sending you sticky vibes.


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## EmmaWoodhouse

I just found this board and wanted to join. My name is Julie and my dh is getting ready for his first deployment. He has been in the military for 11 years now. He started out in the Air Force Reserves in UT and then we moved and he transferred to a division in NC. Then he switched to Army National Guard about 2 years ago, I think. Anyway, this is long expected but terrible timing. I am currently expecting our 8th and having a difficult pregnancy. I have almost miscarried twice now and will only be 26 weeks along when he leaves for training. We are also in the middle of buying a house and will be moving in less than 2 weeks. We were all planning for a deployment in '11, but then they got called up. So, we are getting through this as best we can. I am just really grateful for good friends that are helping us so much.


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## Lauren31

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EmmaWoodhouse* 
I just found this board and wanted to join. My name is Julie and my dh is getting ready for his first deployment. He has been in the military for 11 years now. He started out in the Air Force Reserves in UT and then we moved and he transferred to a division in NC. Then he switched to Army National Guard about 2 years ago, I think. Anyway, this is long expected but terrible timing. I am currently expecting our 8th and having a difficult pregnancy. I have almost miscarried twice now and will only be 26 weeks along when he leaves for training. We are also in the middle of buying a house and will be moving in less than 2 weeks. We were all planning for a deployment in '11, but then they got called up. So, we are getting through this as best we can. I am just really grateful for good friends that are helping us so much.

Sometimes I think it's harder for families of soldiers of reserve units bc they don't get the same sense of community that other military spouses have when their husbands deploy.







Try to take it all in stride, if you can. You are certainly dealing with a lot of stress. Also, I know a woman who said that she was glad her husband was deployed for the first half of the child's first year, rather then the second half bc she said that is when the dad is more hands on (ie you are always breastfeeding, the baby is not as mobile, etc). I guess it's helpful to look on the bright side


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## Lauren31

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Lauren, congratulations on your baby!!! With over 3k posts, you must have been trying for some time. I'm sending you sticky vibes.

haha, thanks. I was on orthotricyclen for 10 years before ttc. It took my body close to 11 months to start ovulating after going off it and then another 4 months before I got pregnant. NEVER again.


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## MarineWife

Wow, eight kids! I wish I could get my dh to agree to that. We're struggling right now with him saying he's done having children and me wanting another (sort of). I don't want to TTC but I would like to not prevent and let things be what they will be. I got pregnant by accident (my dh didn't withdraw) back in May right before my dh deployed but miscarried at 11 weeks. DH wasn't happy about the pg when he left but by the time I was able to tell him I lost the baby he said he had started getting excited. We haven't been able to talk about it but I'm hoping he's had a change of heart (although I think that's unlikely).


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## justme77

Thanks for all the love ladies!

mw - sorry you're worried, but i think the letter was a good thing! I am lucky that my hubby talks pretty open about what happens over there. I think its a start for you guys.

mesa - that is pretty funny about the ridgeback. I can see it though. They do have a scary look about them if you've never seen them.

ew - Wow, 8 children? I can't imagine. Hubby and I go back and forth on whether we want more. Some days its a definite, and some days (when they're both screaming at the same time or fighting me when trying to get them out of the bath) I say NO WAY!! lol. If we do decide on another, my biggest thing is for him to be mentally healthier and for us to be stable and comfortable in our marriage. I also want him closer with the two we have before bringing another into the pic.

Well, I am now trying to plan our units Homecoming party from a different state. Not an easy task! And since we're a Reserve Unit, all families will be coming from different areas and we don't really have a 'place' on base. Fun. Fun. LOL.


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## EmmaWoodhouse

Thanks for all the encouragement. We weren't really planning to have so many, it just happened that way.







It has been pretty stressful lately. I keep hoping that things will start to get a little easier and less stressful before he leaves, but it isn't. We were supposed to close on our house this Friday, but we might not even close this month!







And if we don't close by the 30th, we won't be able to close until the 7th. I really wanted to get settled in our new house at least a month before he had to leave. I can't even think of Christmas until after we move. So, it is looking like not much of a Christmas now. Sorry for the little rant. I am kinda upset over the news. But, as my dh says, it isn't the end of the world. So, we will get through this too. I just wish that _something_ would go smoothly for a change.

justme-I hope things work out with the homecoming party.

Lauren-that is just what I needed to hear. I was thinking that he was going to miss so much. But you are so right. He won't miss a whole lot.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lauren31* 
Also, I know a woman who said that she was glad her husband was deployed for the first half of the child's first year, rather then the second half bc she said that is when the dad is more hands on (ie you are always breastfeeding, the baby is not as mobile, etc). I guess it's helpful to look on the bright side









I can sort of see this. My dh was home for the first 6 months after ds2 was born but gone from 6-15 months. Then home again from 15 months to almost 3 years but gone again from 3-4 years. That was sad for me because I think it's just around 3 that children really start to move away from their moms and closer to their dads. I worry that dh missed a critical bonding period for him and ds2. With ds3, dh was gone from birth to 6 months, home from 6 months to almost 2 years. Now he's pretty much gone from 2-3 years. It sort of worked out opposite with ds3 from how it was with ds2. That's been nice because dh, overall, gets to experience all the ages and stages.

We're having a lot of guys coming home right now. It's kind of got me worried. It seems there have been a lot more car accidents lately. A woman who was walking just up the road from my house got hit by a car. When I took my dog to the vet yesterday the lady their was very worried about a co-worker. Apparently, her dh had come home recently, they've been having problems and she was late for work. They were afraid he'd done something to her. Yes, the lady at the vet told me all this even though I didn't ask. It's just all very unnerving. Makes me a bit concerned about something crazy happening.

My dh is out of touch again. I don't know for how long. I keep waiting for him to just show up on my doorstep. He did that to me as a surprise in the middle of his yearlong IA deployment. Shocked the you-know-what out of me.


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## justme77

ewh -- ugh. dont apologize for your rant. thats why we're here. we closed on our house 4 days after dh left for training. so of course that left another move for me. yay! they can be tough, but you'll make it. plus you have all those kiddos to put to work, right?







And I have to agree, _sometimes_ I thought it was nicer not having hubby around with dd. (he missed birth-6mos with her and 5mos-present with ds.) No rush to heal quicker for post-partum sex -lol- No added pressure to have house clean/dinner ready... etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I would never WANT hubby gone, but, again you have to find that silver lining.....

mw -- sorry you're worried. i would just be prepared as much as you can. expect things to be different (not BAD, just different), expect to things to take a while to get back in synch... maybe then it won't seem like quite a shock?

i know said this before, but ---- hugs to ALL of us!!!!!!!!!1


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justme77* 
mw -- sorry you're worried. i would just be prepared as much as you can. expect things to be different (not BAD, just different), expect to things to take a while to get back in synch... maybe then it won't seem like quite a shock?

I'm not worried about my dh doing anything crazy. I'm worried about all the other Marines and Sailors who've just come home or are coming home now. That's a lot of people coming home with combat stress and no real services for dealing with it. I know the military says they provide services but most people who have issues say they can't get effective help.


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## LeslieB

I've posted on previous months, but I'm not that active on the thread. I'm Leslie. My dh is AD Army. We've been at Fort Bragg for about a month and a half now; I feel pretty adjusted. We got great housing on-post. I've joined the local running club and have found some good races to run here.
My dh likes his job okay; he's been in for almost 6 years and cannot wait to get out in 2011. So we'll be here about a year and a half, and then it's bye-bye military. Dh will be almost 40 when he gets out, and he's ready to move on.
We've been pretty lucky on the deployment front. He's done one 15-month deployment to Iraq, but has been back in the States for almost 2 years. He was at the Presidio of Monterey for school for almost a year and a half. He did 1 year in Korea, so that also kept him out of a deployment. He's definitely deploying somewhere at least one more time before he gets out, though.
I like the security of the military, but I'm ready for us to have control over our lives. We want to live where we want to live, and dh is so sick of the Army schedule. Being enlisted, he has to do PT, which, for him, is a total joke. He just wants to do his own thing. When he was exempt from PT in California, he worked out every day and was in so much better shape than when he did PT. He just doesn't want to do the 6:30am-6pm work day anymore. And he doesn't want for his son to not have a dad every other year.
The military hasn't been all bad, though. He's gotten a lot of experience and great training that will be useful down the road, so he doesn't regret going into the Army at all. He's just ready to leave it now.
So anyway, that's us!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'm not worried about my dh doing anything crazy. I'm worried about all the other Marines and Sailors who've just come home or are coming home now. That's a lot of people coming home with combat stress and no real services for dealing with it. I know the military says they provide services but most people who have issues say they can't get effective help.

That, and there is still a great stigma on mental health in the military. You'll hear a lot of old-timers tell them to just suck it up and deal with it. I think they're afraid of repercussions as a result of seeking help and are less likely to get it. At least they're more likely to get good help while they're in the military, once they're out they're pretty much on their own. I agree that the help is not effective enough, PTSD is still not very well understood and there is not cure for it so it can be very difficult to treat. Having a psychology background I can least let DH decompress and talk things out while being able to remove myself emotionally in order to help him, there really isn't a means for immediate, safe decompression for military members at this point.


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## EdnaMarie

I don't mean to be petty especially compared to the stress of dealing with PTSD and deployment, but I need to whine a little bit.

DH was gone for six months in training. He wasn't here for the birth of our daughter. Now it's taken a full month for them to get his command sponsorship and you know what they said?

"It's not called CS anymore, it's called [whatever I forget already] so you need to do it again."








Will we even be there by Christmas? We were doing sooo well. I just want a few months before he deploys. Is that too much to ask? Just a couple months? Poor me.


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## Maluhia

Oh Edna that IS frustrating. I hate it when the paperwork holds us back from the small bits of time we get with our DHs







Harumph.


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## ~Katie~

That is incredibly frustrating, I'm sorry they're giving you a hard time. Why does it always seem like the really miserable stuff has to happen to people with families? I hope it gets figured out soon


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
That, and there is still a great stigma on mental health in the military. You'll hear a lot of old-timers tell them to just suck it up and deal with it. I think they're afraid of repercussions as a result of seeking help and are less likely to get it. At least they're more likely to get good help while they're in the military, once they're out they're pretty much on their own. I agree that the help is not effective enough, PTSD is still not very well understood and there is not cure for it so it can be very difficult to treat.

There is a huge stigma attached to needing any kind of counseling whether it's related to combat or not. I went to our reunion brief the other night and learned something interesting. MilitaryOneSource has a program where you can get a referral for 12 free therapy sessions outside of the military for PTSD/deployment/combat stress (maybe even just family separation stress). It's available to the military member and any of his/her dependents and it's 12 free sessions per person per year, not per family or a once a lifetime thing. It's completely outside the military so no one in the military member's unit or command will know. I don't think it uses TriCare, either. The militaryonesource people cover the cost.

Camp LeJeune was recently criticized for not providing proper care for their Marines returning with PTSD. They were being housed in trailers where they could easily hear machine gun fire and mortar explosions from training operations.







They have since been moved into permanent quarters near the hospital so farther away from the training areas.

I found out that the BAH for Lawton, OK is only $40 less than BAH for here. So, even if this school dh has to go to is a PCS move, at least I won't have to worry about that dropping considerably. As it is, our BAH doesn't cover our mortgage payment. I asked my dh's CO about the PCS thing. He said anything 20 weeks or over is considered a PCS. I still haven't gotten a straight answer on whether this school is a PCS move, though. It's right around 20 weeks so no one seems to know for sure.

Edna ~ Don't feel petty. I started off joining this group by whining about not getting my needs met while everyone is so concerned about my dh's. I don't know what a CS is. Is that a new duty assignment, orders to move to a new base?

I don't know if I ever properly introduced myself after everyone else did. My dh is a Captain in the Marine Corps. He's been in for almost 8 years. We've been married 9+ years and are both almost 40 (he had to get a waiver to join because he was too old







). We have 3 boys, 18 years, almost 6 years and 2 1/2 years. We've been stationed at Kaneohe Bay Marine Corps Base on O'ahu, HI and here at Camp LeJeune in North Carolina. My dh's MOS is artillery.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I don't mean to be petty especially compared to the stress of dealing with PTSD and deployment, but I need to whine a little bit.

DH was gone for six months in training. He wasn't here for the birth of our daughter. Now it's taken a full month for them to get his command sponsorship and you know what they said?

"It's not called CS anymore, it's called [whatever I forget already] so you need to do it again."








Will we even be there by Christmas? We were doing sooo well. I just want a few months before he deploys. Is that too much to ask? Just a couple months? Poor me.









That is so frustrating!


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## EdnaMarie

Thanks for coming to my pity party, everyone. Just knowing you all are out there is a great comfort. Tonight I made spanakopita and ate four AND the leftovers from my brownies.

CS is Command Sponsorship, except you can forget that acronym immediately, because apparently it's called something else now.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
CS is Command Sponsorship, except you can forget that acronym immediately, because apparently it's called something else now.

I got what it stands for because you said so before. I don't know what it means.


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## EdnaMarie

Oh, sorry! LOL. I'm reaaaaally sleep deprived right now because I'm doing National Novel Writing Month and am averaging four hours a day. I miss a lot! Apologies.

Command sponsorship is when the local Army command agrees to invite the soldier's family over. You aren't automatically "sponsored". It requires a process. It's confusing at first but all the steps are more or less rational, if a little opaque. It's just the fact that they changed it mid-way for us that is frustrating.

But as my sponsor (the woman of the house that is helping us navigate the sytem) says- "Army wife strong!" So I'm trying to live up to that. I'm much better with physical deprivation than psychological mind-screws, so I need to toughen up.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Command sponsorship is when the local Army command agrees to invite the soldier's family over. You aren't automatically "sponsored". It requires a process. It's confusing at first but all the steps are more or less rational, if a little opaque. It's just the fact that they changed it mid-way for us that is frustrating.

We're Marine Corps so I've never heard of this. I'm not trying to annoy you. I'm truly curious. What do you mean "invite the family over"? Over where? For dinner at their home? What is the significance of that?


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## mmgrimm

MarineWife- Command Sponsporship is for soldiers who are stationed overseas. When a soldier is stationed overseas the family is not automatically allowed to go like when in a stateside assignment. The family has to go through a process of paperwork to get approved by the soldiers unit to come over to that country as well as a visa to live in that country. Its a long mind draining process and the more family members u have the longer the process takes. Even newborn babies have to have a visa and passport.

Sending everyone good Turkey vibes


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## gagin37

ug, dh failed his PT test last week. didn't pass the waist measurment portion. he needs to lose about 3 inches around the middle by sometime in jan. or they may just kick him out







i'm afraid he's not very motivated though, he told his mom it would be just fine with him if they gave him the boot- a load off his shoulders. i really hope he doesn't let it come down to this though, he has less than 2 years left, i'd hoped we could just ride it out then move on. this would be such short notice!


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## EdnaMarie

MarineWIfe- I know you wouldn't try to annoy me. The truth is, I'm not entirely sure how the whole thing works myself, but basically, it goes like this:

DH gets orders for a change of station to Germany. It says he can bring his family.
But they don't mean us. They just mean, theoretically, he's a family guy.
For us to go over, we have to get approved and invited by his command.
That is "command sponsorship".
It's a PITA but oh, well, we got Germany so thank you, God! We'll take it. I'd rather this than go immediately to... well I won't say it here but there were places I didn't want to go, even though I was ready.


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## MarineWife

Oh, that's weird. We haven't had to deal with any overseas PCS moves yet so maybe that's why I don't know about it.Why in the world would they give him orders for his family and then just move you guys? That is just stupid, not matter what they call it! That in and of itself, without having to deal with them changing it so that you have to go through the red tape all over again, would frustrate me.

I wouldn't mind going to Germany but not any time soon. I have a sort of adult child and I wouldn't be able to go that far away from him. We were talking about going back to HI but now I don't want to go because I don't want to leave my 18yo.

I don't know how other places do the physical fitness stuff but it seems in the Marine Corps it takes a lot to actually get kicked out for not passing the PFT and losing weight.


----------



## lmevans

Hi, I'm new here! I've been on MDC for a while, but havent checked in for a long time.

My husband recently joined the Air Force, and we're at our first station now; we moved here about a month ago. We're at Scott AFB in IL. We're about 2 hours from "home" and about 3 hours from our family, so its not too bad. Our house is finally under contract to sell, so that'll take a load of stress off!

We have 2 children, a daughter who is 5 1/2 and a son who is 3. We homeschool and I'm a SAHM.

Looking forward to meeting you all!









Lillian


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## Lauren31

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
\

DH gets orders for a change of station to Germany. It says he can bring his family.
But they don't mean us. They just mean, theoretically, he's a family guy.
For us to go over, we have to get approved and invited by his command.
That is "command sponsorship".
It's a PITA but oh, well, we got Germany so thank you, God! We'll take it. I'd rather this than go immediately to... well I won't say it here but there were places I didn't want to go, even though I was ready.

Well, I moved to Germany with my husband and it was super easy. He just needs to have you listed on his orders that you are to travel with him concurrently, you go to EFMP and get a no fee passport that basically is like a Visa. I had NO problem. We never had to deal with his command here in Germany. Heck we had no idea what unit or base we REALLY were going to be at until we got here!







They love to welcome you to Germany and then change your post assignment when you arrive. haha


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## Sarah W

Let's see...DH graduated from ROP on the 20th. Everything was great and he passed the board. Now, I'm just waiting for MY orders to WA. He has to report Jan 10, so we're aiming for a 1 Feb report date for me and I'll just take a month of leave.

We close on our house next Monday, so it's pretty great timing!


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## MarineWife

Sarah ~ You're in the military, too? That must be interesting.

I'm counting down the days now until dh is home. (Am I allowed to post that?)


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## EdnaMarie

Ugh, we are still here waiting for those papers. ARGH! Now DH is visiting his family... two more weeks. I bet they'll have us moving Christmas day.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Ugh, we are still here waiting for those papers. ARGH! Now DH is visiting his family... two more weeks. I bet they'll have us moving Christmas day. 

If it takes too long, can you delay it until after the holidays?


----------



## justme77

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'm counting down the days now until dh is home. (Am I allowed to post that?)

Yes, OPSEC rules are to simply not post exact dates or time or have a countdown ticker... I have that fresh on my mind since I'm the KV for DH's Detachment and we too are counting down.

Very interesting about the CS! Sounds like a total pain. Good luck with that!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justme77* 
Yes, OPSEC rules are to simply not post exact dates or time or have a countdown ticker... I have that fresh on my mind since I'm the KV for DH's Detachment and we too are counting down.

Thanks. That's what I thought my dh told me but someone told me I wasn't supposed to post stuff like that (regarding a different post a while ago). So, I guess I can say that I got word yesterday that he should be home a couple of days earlier than I expected.







Of course, that still has plenty of time to change so I'm not banking on the date and time until he calls me to tell me he's on the way.

If I can find somewhere to get a single twin sheet, we'll go to the banner making event our FRO has planned tomorrow. We've been in for 8 or 9 years and have never made a Welcome Home banner so I'm sure my dh will really appreciate it. I just have to decide whether to hang it on the fence along the road approaching the base or hang it at our house. I think the fence would be better because he would feel proud for everyone else to see his banner.


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## ~Katie~

Crap, I'm sorry I didn't post this sooner. You can get free welcome home banners here: http://www.buildasign.com/Troops. I'm going to order mine soon. DH will be home in a little over 4 months, but I'd rather do it now while they still have them.

As far as OPSEC, as long as you're not posting exact dates or times, you can speak in general terms (like a few days, weeks, etc.) or in past tense, like things that have already happened.

We're moved into our new house. Less than 2 weeks after I got word that we were moving, they moved us. The new house is awesome, so much bigger and nicer and INSULATED! Which means I can actually set the thermostat to 68-70 and not have it be 50 degrees in other parts of the house. Also good because we're responsible for paying any energy costs that go 5% above what we're allowed, and we also get a rebate when we go $15 or more below our allotment. I like living in a new house no one else has had a chance to mess up as well, and it's going to be really nice for DH to come home to.


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## MarineWife

That's cool, Katie. I've bookmarked it for the future. I don't have time to get one before dh gets home now.


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## justme77

Another awesome site is http://www.oplove.org
Photographers have volunteered to photograph your Homecoming for free!!

Congrats on the new clean and fresh house! how exciting for ya'll.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Sarah ~ You're in the military, too? That must be interesting.

Yep! I've been in for 12 years.


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## urchin_grey

-waves-

Hi! I am not military, nor a military wife, but my partner is considering joining the AF. Does anyone care to share their experience? Most of the people we know IRL have told him that the AF would be his best choice. Neither one of us really knows much about the military though. My little sister and her husband are both in the army, but I know all the branches are a bit different. And while my sister and BIL obviously get great benefits, I've heard more bitching out of her about it than anything.







So convince me (or not). TIA!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Yep! I've been in for 12 years.

Wow! I can't imagine. I have to admit, I'm fascinated by women who choose to join the service







(but then I'm personally averse to any work outside the home







). I could not have a job that could take me away from my children for months or years at a time.

urchin ~ I'm not sure what you're looking for or how much my opinions and experiences might help you. Would your dp be going in as enlisted or officer? I think the experiences of enlisted vs. officer can be very different. I know the pay is significantly different. Enlisted service members get paid so little that many (most, all?) of them with families qualify for social services such as WIC and food stamps.

My dh, who's a Marine Corps officer, says the AF is the cushiest, softest, easiest of the services. He has always said that, if our 18yo decided to join the service, dh would want him to join the AF. He makes a joke about one time when they were out somewhere with some AF guys. The Marines were in tents outside sleeping on the ground maybe without even their quarter inch mats to sleep on while the AF guys had hotel style accommodations with AC and all the amenities. Being a Marine, though, so I don't know how much his opinion is skewed. They get all macho when they're together and like to think they are tougher than anyone else.

Personally, I think it's all a matter of knowing what you're getting into and accepting it. You need to be prepared to be on your own for just about everything. Don't come in thinking the military is going to take care of you. Although the military gives a lot of lip service to providing services and benefits to service members and their families and have probably improved a lot from 50 years ago, I haven't seen much of anything of significance. You get benefits like free medical care and housing (if you want it) but will have to deal with all the hassles of a government run institution. I haven't had much experience with that because I don't use the military doctors but I do occasionally use the pharmacy, lab and radiology.

I have not found a significant savings in shopping at the commissaries and exchanges. The prices may be slightly lower and/or you don't have to pay taxes but they carry mostly name brands so things are still pricey, imo. Also, (I've always wondered about this) you don't pay taxes on food you buy at the commissary but there is a service fee that is quite significant. It seems to me to even out with taxes you'd pay somewhere else. I guess the benefit of that to us is supposed to be that that money goes to services for the military and their families.









I don't know how the AF works as far as how often and for how long service members are gone. In the Marines, even not in times of war, my dh would have regular deployments and be gone for days, weeks and months at a time in between for training. Especially if you are enlisted, you have to accept that your dp will be at the beck and call of his superiors 24/7/365. Evenings and weekends that are normally not working hours are considered liberty so your service member can be called in to work at any time or can not have that liberty granted (that probably doesn't happen often but it's something to keep in mind).

My dh was 31 when he signed the papers to join and almost 32 when he went to OCS. Before that he was an accountant and part-time personal trainer and I worked as a Patent Examiner for the United States Patent and Trademark office. Our combined income was over 100K. When he joined he took at 20K pay cut and I quit my job, losing about 70k in income. In spite of that, my quality of life is much, much better in many ways. I don't have to deal with the stress of working, which I absolutely despise. I am able to stay home with my children and homeschool them. With responsible budgeting we are able to afford everything we need. I was just looking around my house yesterday amazed that this is my house. I never thought I'd life in such a nice place and it's all due to my dh.

Well, I wrote a book. I hope that helps some.


----------



## MovingMomma

urchin: Wow, MW wrote a book for you! She has lots of good points!

The first thing that jumps out at me is you say "DP," not "DH." If you aren't married, you would be missing out on LOTS of $$$. In fact, if you aren't married, your DP might not even be authorized to live out of the barracks for several years. If your DP got stationed at an overseas installation (I don't mean deployed to a war zone) you would not be able to go too.

And yes, officer vs enlisted makes a huge difference. The "breaking point" for enlisted seems to be at E5, IMO. Trying to support a family on just a military income below E5 is difficult at the least.

MW, I was going to dispute your statement that "many (most, all?)" enlisted families qualify for WIC & food stamps, but you may be right. I can't tell what income counts for food stamps, but for WIC, housing allowances are excluded. I'm also not sure about BAS, but if that's excluded as well then a family of 4 qualifies for WIC for all ranks E6 & below, and E7 before 10 yrs of service. An O1 with any time in service or an O2 with 2 years or less would also qualify. Keep in mind, however, that because of the excluded allowance(s) military families that qualify for WIC can actually make significantly more than non-military families that qualify.

Here's a link to the 2009 pay table. And you can look up BAH (basic allowance for housing) rates here.

As far which branch to choose, look at what your DP wants to do in the military and where you would like to be stationed in addition to the culture of each branch. DH is USMC & we were at an AF base for 7 months: Yes, AF is way cushier than the USMC.

I have to disagree w/MW on the commissary benefit. If you shopped _really_ smart, you might be able to spend the same amount on the same stuff off base, but you'd have to hit all the sales, use coupons, bulk buy, etc. They say commissary savings are 30%, and I find that to be true. The exchange, though, is not usually a real bargain. You can find deals there, but it pays to shop around.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
My dh was 31 when he signed the papers to join and almost 32 when he went to OCS. Before that he was an accountant and part-time personal trainer and I worked as a Patent Examiner for the United States Patent and Trademark office. Our combined income was over 100K. When he joined he took at 20K pay cut and I quit my job, losing about 70k in income. In spite of that, my quality of life is much, much better in many ways. I don't have to deal with the stress of working, which I absolutely despise. I am able to stay home with my children and homeschool them. With responsible budgeting we are able to afford everything we need. I was just looking around my house yesterday amazed that this is my house. I never thought I'd life in such a nice place and it's all due to my dh.

But he's making way more than 30k/year now, right?







Were you ok financially w/the pay cut immediately, or was there a turning point for you, too?


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
MW, I was going to dispute your statement that "many (most, all?)" enlisted families qualify for WIC & food stamps, but you may be right. I can't tell what income counts for food stamps, but for WIC, housing allowances are excluded. I'm also not sure about BAS, but if that's excluded as well then a family of 4 qualifies for WIC for all ranks E6 & below, and E7 before 10 yrs of service. An O1 with any time in service or an O2 with 2 years or less would also qualify.

The only reason I know that is because we almost qualified for WIC when dh was O-1 with less than 2 years and a family of 4. I think we were only $50 above the limit. It may vary depending on where you live, too. That was in HI where the cost of living is much higher than a lot of other places.

Any allowances or benefits like BAH and BAS are excluded. It takes into account only the families taxable income.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
I have to disagree w/MW on the commissary benefit. If you shopped _really_ smart, you might be able to spend the same amount on the same stuff off base, but you'd have to hit all the sales, use coupons, bulk buy, etc. They say commissary savings are 30%, and I find that to be true.

I do my grocery shopping switching between the Commissary and Food Lion every other week because each carries things that the other does not. I have not noticed any significant difference in my bills at either place although the individual prices appear to be a lot different. As a matter of fact, the last time I shopped at the Food Lion my bill was about $65 less than my usual Commissary bill (and, believe me, I don't shop smart!). I've been told Wal-Mart is even less expensive than Food Lion, although I've never tested that theory because I won't shop there.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
But he's making way more than 30k/year now, right?







Were you ok financially w/the pay cut immediately, or was there a turning point for you, too?

Yes, he's making more than that now but it's still not quite half of what we used to make before the military and that's after 7 years of service (right?). He's an O-3 with over 6 years on that pay table, I guess. That's just his taxable income. That does not include BAH and BAS, medical insurance and such. Even with those benefit factored in, he brings home significantly less that what we did before he joined. If we had stayed where we were working the way we were with raises and everything, we still wouldn't be able to live the way we do now and certainly not with only one of us working. If you google it, you might be able to find the proposed 2010 pay raise table. I think I looked at that before, maybe on Military.com.


----------



## ~Katie~

Sarah W is our resident hero







She's had quite the epic tale if you look back at our older threads.

As far as what the branch, I'm not going to get into who happens to be better, stronger, easier, etc. This isn't the appropriate forum for that. What I will say is that the AF is newer, which means housing and facilities tend to be newer. But that is changing as other branches renovate old housing and build new housing. You should take into account what your DH wants to do for a career and where you want to live. My brother left the AF over 10 years ago and did MI, he really enjoyed it and lived in Florida and Maryland while he was in. Things were different then as far as basic goes but it has changed a lot since then.

Being married will significantly impact how you are supported by the military. You typically won't be recognized for any benefits until you're married, which means no housing or health care. Your children will receive some health care, in the Army it's 50% coverage the last time I heard.

As far as saving at the commissary, I actually save more money shopping at Walmart. Even with coupons. I can afford much better produce as well because the commissary's produce department is awful.

My DH is an officer in the Army (02 with 4 years prior service, he was in the reserves in college) and makes the same amount my brother does as a store manager for a rental company he's worked at for the last 7 years. Without all the perks my brothers gets of course, including all expense paid vacations, cruises, free cars, not having to miss birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. If I chose to work as a civilian for the Army with my degree, I would make about 30k more a year than he does at the moment because there's a high demand for my field. There have been lots of ups and downs that I'm not going to get into, but just be prepared for everything to not go as planned and to just roll with it. Be prepared to be more self-reliant than you ever have in your entire life. You learn a lot about yourself and each other through the whole process.


----------



## Sarah W

LOL, I don't know if I'm as much of a hero as someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.







:

As a dual income couple, we would never have been able to qualify for WIC. We met right before we both were promoted to E-5 and had no children.

As for what service, it depends. For the Army, you can pick your exact job and as long as you pass the school, that job is yours. Additionally, promotions are faster in the Army than other services. I'm 30 and I've been an E-7 for the last 4+ years, whereas we have friends who have retired as E-7 in the AF. I do think that, along with that, the Army asks for more of your time and you are responsible for more as an NCO than other services.

If it's a young person who wants to see the world, I'd recommend the Navy. The Navy personnel that I work with have literally been all over the world.

The AF used to have things a lot nicer (barracks was a big one) than the Army, but I don't think it's to the same extent that it was 10-15 years ago.

I can't speak for the Marines, because I've never seen living quarters and everywhere I've worked has a limited number of them.


----------



## MarineWife

I was in no way trying to say or imply that any branch was better, stronger, easier, softer or harder than another. I was just relaying what my dh says based on his experience. I have no direct knowledge of any of it or opinion one way or another. The Army and the AF have much larger budgets than the Marines. Is the AF a division of the Army the way the Mariines are a division of the Navy?

I did want to add that, although our life is much better in a lot of ways since my dh joined the Marines, recently all the long deployments and separations have taken a toll on our relationship. It's very hard being separated from my dh for so long. It gets very lonely. Every time he goes we seem to become a little more distant and disconnected. It's hard when he comes home because we have to go along with marriage while sort of starting over again. He's been gone so much recently that we haven't had enough time to get back to our previous closeness before he's gone again. I don't think our marriage is on the brink of collapse now but I can see how things could get to that point if the current circumstances continue.


----------



## nia82

Well DH is AF and they themselves call it the "Chair Force". Many people (who are AF or AF dependents) told me that promotion takes longer in the AF than in other services, I cannot comment on that. DH is non-deployable and cannot even volunteer. He is capsule crew for ICBMs (missiles).
I do think I'm lucky with my PCM: I get to see flight medicine since DH has to be seen by them (PRP status). Family practice is totally overrun and never has time and gives crappy service at our base.
We were civilians and then DH applied to OTS. During OTS we received E5 pay, which was lower than what he made as a 30 hour per week temp at Wells Fargo, but the BAH we got was humangous. We lived in San Francisco, go figure! I stopped working once he was in OTS and I was pregnant, so yes, my 50K is gone, but we still make enough for a nice house, 2 cars and occasional travel to CA and Europe.
We are O1 now and we do not qualify for WIC or any social support. I know friends who have 3 kids who went to OTS with DH and they get WIC. Anyways, BAH is always a huge factor for us. It totally pays for our mortgage plus homeowner's insurance. I think we get a pretty appropriate amount of BAH and it is tax free, yuhuu.
The commissary - it totally depends where you live! When I checked out the commy in Montgomery, AL, it was cheap. The commy in Vandenberg, CA was ok for some items. The local commy is way more expensive than Walmart and Safeway on sale. They always charge 6% on everything, while the local stores don't tax food at all. That's huge! While meat is cheap on base, it's not good quality. The only thing we buy on base are organic tomatoes (Muir Glen is cheap there) and coffee.

@ MW: Air Force is its own branch. It used to belong to the Army during WWII, but after WWII it became its own branch.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
@ MW: Air Force is its own branch. It used to belong to the Army during WWII, but after WWII it became its own branch.

Ah, ok. That probably explains why I wasn't sure. I probably heard it used to be but isn't anymore. So, the AF budget is their own. That probably makes a big difference in what they have. My dh jokes about how the Army would dump vehicles that had broken down on the side of the road in Iraq. The Marines would come along, pick them up, take them back to their bases and fix them up.

I also wanted to say, as far as the Navy is concerned, I have never met an enlisted sailor who is happy. I haven't known many but I knew quite a few when we lived in VA Beach. I can't remember one saying he enjoyed what he did or being in the Navy in general. That's the one branch I told my dh I did not want him to join because he would be gone so much. I was a bit naive about the Marine Corps.


----------



## urchin_grey

WOW! Thanks for all the responses. I'll try my best to answer all the questions.









He would definitely be enlisted, since he has no more than a few college credits under his belt. I'd like him to go to school though (he is VERY smart, like nearly perfect ACT score smart) so I guess at some point, he would eventually be an officer (if he stays in for a longer period of time). I can handle the lower income (we have always qualified for WIC now but choose not to get it), I would just really like to stay home. I am training to be a post-partum doula though, so I could possibly take on a client here and there whenever he was home. We also homeschool and DS is special needs, so that's the main reason I'd like to be able to stay home. Plus both of us are really sick of waiting tables and at the rate we're going, we won't be ready to buy a house or anything for 10 years.







I guess we just feel like we're in a rut... just "stuck" and this just seemed like a good option for getting out of that rut.

I am definitely worried though because Robert is not the toughest dude on the block. He's just not the macho type of guy.







I worry that he wouldn't even make it through basic. I guess there's only one way to find out though.









I'm not too concerned about the medical care and such. DS is special needs so he would need some special services, but I have no qualms about finding other doctors if I don't like the ones they offer me.







I plan to homebirth/UC in the future as well, so I wouldn't have to deal with their OBs/midwives (my sister's midwife at Ft. Hood was a rude cow). Are there be any rules against homebirthing on base though? That would be a big concern if I were to get pregnant because I do not want to be forced to birth in a hospital.

We do absolutely know that we would have to get married. We'd just go get the piece of paper though, no wedding for me please!







I told them that we'd HAVE to though because there is no way I'm missing out on the benefits. I'd have to work and put DS in public school just because we're not married. No way am I doing that. So married it is.

I know you all are saying that he wouldn't be making that much, but according to this chart, his base pay would be just under $1400 and his BAH would be over $1000. That is a good bit more than we make right now.







Don't get me wrong, we have everything we need at the moment, but we have barely any savings, our cars are old and tired, and we don't want to rent this old house forever. I don't know, it just seems like this would help us out a lot financially! Maybe I'm just dreaming though. Oh, and DS gets SSI as well, so I'm assuming we would still get that? We try to save it every month but that doesn't always happen, but with a better income, we could save it all for him.

As far as what he wants to do... He'd really like to get into translating and communications. Don't ask me why, he knows no foreign languages. Maybe he could major in Japanese or something though.









I'm not sure where we'd like to live... I'm pretty open. We both like the idea of traveling to new places and moving around.







Like I said, we're homeschooling, so that makes moving around easier too, I'd guess. We'd never have to pull DS out of school, anyway.

I know that all looks a bit disjointed since I didn't quote anyone or anything, but I think you get the idea.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *urchin_grey* 
I am definitely worried though because Robert is not the toughest dude on the block. He's just not the macho type of guy.







I worry that he wouldn't even make it through basic. I guess there's only one way to find out though.









FWIW, my dh is very macho (although you might not tell by looking at him because he's small). He had to get a waiver because of his age and one thing that really helped him was his physical fitness. He was a part-time personal trainer and competed in bodybuilding (natural). I was still worried sick while he was at OCS. He suffered hypothermia at one point that I didn't know about until a while after the fact. I think that's one of those things that you just have to go through before you know if you can make it. Some people are a lot tougher than they seem. And, even if he doesn't make it, at least he'll know he tried.

He can get money for school and might even get paid to attend school while he's in. I think they've changed the GI Bill so that it covers family members now. That's nice if you want to expand your education or might be able to use the money for your children. When my dh joined that wasn't the case so we didn't sign up for the GI Bill. It might've been helpful now with an 18yo who might actually go to college.

Keep in mind that the BAH changes depending on where you live. Ours is about $500 short of our mortgage payment. If you live on base, the BAH won't really matter. Unless they've changed things since we lived on base 2 years ago, you see your BAH go in and then right out of your paycheck as it's paid directly to the housing management company on the base. If there isn't a private management company for base housing where you are stationed, you just won't get BAH at all.


----------



## ~Katie~

I just UC'd on post (was planning a homebirth). Around here homebirth is fairly common, my midwife attends them on post pretty regularly. We never discussed it with anyone unless they broached the topic first, I'd recommend the same to you as well. Better to ask forgiveness than permission









Tricare Standard would probably be best for you since you'll have your choice of providers and pay a co-pay (I pay 20% at the moment), and you won't need a referral for services for you DS. You just have to find a provider that takes Tricare.

Doulas are in high demand in the military, particularly post-partum doulas during deployment. My PP doula was a life saver.


----------



## urchin_grey

Oh, I know the BAH changes... I was just looking at what it would be locally (New Orleans) and $1100 seems like a lot to me. Our rent in the suburbs is only $450/mo. Though, it is controlled and we've had that since late '05, right after hurricane Katrina... but still, the mortgage on a nice house here would be under $700. I know when we moved though, it could be very different, BUT we only have one DS so we wouldn't need a large house. I'd find a way to make it work and only buy within our means. Or just live on base. We could definitely live off $1400/mo with free rent.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I just UC'd on post (was planning a homebirth). Around here homebirth is fairly common, my midwife attends them on post pretty regularly. We never discussed it with anyone unless they broached the topic first, I'd recommend the same to you as well. Better to ask forgiveness than permission









Tricare Standard would probably be best for you since you'll have your choice of providers and pay a co-pay (I pay 20% at the moment), and you won't need a referral for services for you DS. You just have to find a provider that takes Tricare.

Doulas are in high demand in the military, particularly post-partum doulas during deployment. My PP doula was a life saver.

Excellent! That is exactly what I'm training to do actually, post-partum. I'd like to be a birth doula eventually too, but with a small child and a job, being on call isn't possible.


----------



## MarineWife

Way to go, Katie!







Was your dh home for the birth?

If we have another here, I might have to go UC because I don't think there is anyone who attends home births anymore. A PP doula would've been so nice after I had ds3. Around here the only PP doula I knew of was not supportive of homebirths and was way too expensive for us.

I had ds3 in our house on base. I only told a very few people. That was partially because we were on base and partially because CPMs aren't licensed here. I have heard that some MWs are hesitant to attend births in base housing because it could potentially be a federal offense. I wanted to have a home birth in Hawaii when I was pg with ds2. I was told not to tell anyone because my dh could get in trouble with his command. I don't think there was any official rule on the books about homebirth but it's also not something that's specifically authorized either.

With a teenager and 2 LOs we needed a bigger house. I've been thinking about looking into refinancing to get a lower interest rate although we got a pretty low one. I don't know if it's best, though, because we've only been here for 2 1/2 years so we don't have any equity built up.


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## ~Katie~

MW - My DH deployed 2 weeks before she was born and came home on leave when she was about 4 months old, he'll be home for good just before her first birthday. I intended to have a MW attended HB but she missed the actual birth by about 5 minutes, she got lost on the way to my house







We had an okay relationship during my pregnancy but her actual care of me was very minimal, I had maybe 5-7 visits because she was always rescheduling and forgetting. Other than hemoglobin testing I had no other testing done other than one ultrasound. I think I knew all along that I'd UC but once we knew he was deploying before the birth I wanted to have someone around. Turns out that someone was going to be me since DS decided to go to bed about 30 minutes before she was born







All in all an excellent experience, it healed a lot of my resentment and anger about my DH having to miss the birth.


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## MarineWife

Wow, Katie! That's fabulous! I think you are one of our resident heros, too. That stinks that you didn't get the support you expected from your MW. I always imagine that all MWs are these wonderful, sensitive, caring people but that's not always the case. The MW I had when I was pg with ds3 was amazing. She became a close friend for me. Unfortunately, she's decided to take a sabatical and, as far as I know, there aren't any others in my area. I don't think I could've done a UC with ds3. I would've been very afraid. After having him, though, I think I might be able to do it. That's all fantasy at this point, though.

I got an email from my dh tonight. Things are getting very close. The anticipation is almost too much to bear.


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## EdnaMarie

UG- I see all the details have been filled in.

My DH joined the Army at 34. I cannot speak to the other branches, but basically, although the bureaucracy has been a PITA, it's all been worth it, benefit-wise. I guess we have the benefit knowing what it's like to take care of all that stuff yourself, health insurance, housing, etc. etc. The security, for us, is really great.

I don't know where you're coming from, age-wise, but if you're young, and you have other options, there may be points when you guys are thinking, WTH did we sign up for? If you're older, though, the security and the pride in the job your husband will be doing will more than make up for it.

Oh, and... my husband and I worked humanitarian aid before this. So that's long separations in conflict zones, no retirement, basic health insurance, no living allowance.  For us, this is way better... though they better get us to GErmany with him soon, or I'll change my tune.


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## lalemma

If your partner is interested in languages, he could talk to a recruiter about becoming a linguist (35P in the Army - I don't know about the other services). I don't think you actually have to know a foreign language in advance: I'm pretty sure they make you take some kind of aptitude test that measures how easily you pick up languages, and then if you score highly enough they assign you a language and ship you off to train you in it.

Good luck!


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## urchin_grey

He's 25 (as of Thursday) and I'll be 25 next month. Not sure if that's considered young or not.


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## ~Katie~

I never really had an awesome relationship with either of my midwives so I think at this point I'm in the mindset of why even bother having someone around who doesn't really seem to care. I'm sure if I was in an area with lots of midwives I could find someone awesome. I think for future babies I would seek prenatal care and just take it as it comes and see how I feel about UCing again when we get down to it.

25 is ancient in the Army!







I feel a granny when I see all of these young 18-20 year old folks around. My DH is older than me, also. He spent about 6 years in college and took a year of prep school prior to that so he's older than most people his rank.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
25 is ancient in the Army!







I feel a granny when I see all of these young 18-20 year old folks around. My DH is older than me, also. He spent about 6 years in college and took a year of prep school prior to that so he's older than most people his rank.

Ain't that the truth?! I see couples who don't look old enough to drive who are married and pregnant. That was a major culture shock after coming from the D.C. area where most are professionals who put off getting married and having children until their 30s. The divorce rate among enlisted, especially right now, is very high but they are usually soooooooo young it's not surprising. Being married that young is hard enough without having to deal with deployments. 25 is probably mature enough to deal with the stress of military life better, especially since you've already had a life together before the military.

I've recently started reading the book, _Nonviolent Communication_. In one part the author lists a few professions that require the suppression of emotions. The military is a big one. I think that's the major issue I have right now. As the years pass and my dh spends more time in the military away from us and only with other military guys who are all being tough and not showing any emotion, he becomes less and less expressive when he's home. I need to feel an emotional connection to him. He doesn't understand what the problem is because he's just doing what's normal to him.

Back to having babies, there's no way I would go to the civilian hospital here. That place scares me. As far as I know, I wouldn't be able to see a military doc for prenatal care even if I switched to Prime. They are so overloaded they send a lot of people to civ docs. I have thought that, if I had to, I'd just show up at the Naval hospital here already in serious labor so they wouldn't be able to send me away.


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## nia82

@ urchin: If he starts to work on his BA right away and does well in his job, he can apply to OCS as soon has he has his BA. He can apply as an E1! All that matters are the test scores (there is an officer candidate test), that he has a BA and a couple letters of recommendation. I thought the application itself was rather painless, the waiting is the hard part.

@ katie: can we like switch bases?







Homebirth is basically illegal here! CPMs are outlawed.









I agree about the age-phenomenon... I'm nearly 28 and DH nearly 26, we are like grannies here. The other people we know all went through ROTC or the academy and hence are like 23 and mostly single and party people. There are some other OTSers who were priors or civilians like us, but they are over 30 and have no kids... I feel like we are in between the 21 year olds and the close to 40 year olds. It's a little weird









@MW: I agree sooooo much about the emotions. I felt like I got a different man back from OTS. It's like he was brainwashed to not show emotions. He seriously tried to apply military processes to our daily life. He didn't get far with that one, hahaha! You cannot expect a baby nor a wife to work and react predictably like a squadron of soldiers.


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## ~Katie~

Midwifery is very murky here as well. We're in the process of trying to change it though. I was actually seeing a CPM, and it isn't very clear whether her status is legal because she's certified in another state. lay midwives are not legal here, and CNM's have to be directly over-seen by an OB. I would not give birth at a hospital again if I could help it, they do the same thing by sending people to civilian hospitals here and I've heard some horror stories.

The way it has worked for us in terms of age differences is that DH's peers at work are childless and unmarried, not really too huge of an age difference but a few years. All of our neighbors have typically been older with older kids, I've only had one who wasn't. To my neighbors I'm considered the young'un in the neighborhood.


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## MarineWife

When we got to our first duty station we were about 10 years older than almost all the other Lts. We were older than my dh's CO.







Now as a Capt. in my dh's current unit the age difference seems to be shortening but I think that's because a lot of the guys are prior enlisted. We're still older than many.

CPMs aren't legally licensed here in NC, either. That doesn't make home birth illegal. CNMs who have MD backup and MDs alone can attend home births. The problem is that most MDs don't support home birth so they won't attend them and won't provide CNM support. I've heard there's one CNM in Ashland, NC who had MD backup and can attend home births legally. Wish that were the case here because then TriCare would cover it.

The home birth laws can be confusing. As far as I know there is no state where having a home birth is illegal. It would be unconstitutional to make a law like that. For example, in NC you are only required to get medical care for your child is s/he is sick. You are not required to take your child for well check ups. So, if you have a healthy pg and a safe home birth and your baby is healthy, you've done nothing illegal. You are not required by any law to get medical care for yourself or your unborn baby while you are pg. I know because my old OB reported me to CPS for having a home birth. Also, many times people have babies outside of hospitals by accident. It would be extremely difficult to determine which were planned and which were not in terms of prosecution. If it were illegal, I doubt you'd have many people openly admitting that they had a planned home birth. It is possible that there could be a regulation against using government properties for such purposes so that it might be illegal in some way to have a baby in base housing. That I don't know about.

We've gone through the "your family is not a platoon of Marines" with my dh. It can be hard for them to switch gears from one extreme to another, especially in the beginning when they've been completely immersed in nothing but taking orders. My dh had a really hard time with our teenager because he was/is about the same age as many of his Marines. They follow orders so why wouldn't our ds? Haha!

Sarah ~ I'd love to read your opinion on that. Do you find it hard to express emotions with your family after being in an environment where you are not supposed to show emotions? What about the giving/following orders thing? I wonder if a woman's perspective and experience is any different.


----------



## urchin_grey

LOL, yeah, I figure most people join while they are still in high school. My sister went to boot camp the summer after 11th grade, so she was barely 17.

My sister and her DH are one of those young pregnant couples too. They got married at 18 and 19 so that they wouldn't be separated. Then they got pregnant a month before they were due to come home from Afghanistan.







I can't talk though because Rob and I moved in together when we were 18 and we were even a bit younger than my sister when we started TTC (and got pregnant on the first try).

The emotion thing does concern me too. Rob is more emotional than most guys so I wonder how that will effect him. I remember my sister got into trouble for showing emotion at a wake and then again when she was searching an Afghani woman who was covered head to toe in burn scars. It just irks me that they are expected to be robots... My sister seems like the same person to me though so I hope Rob can get through it the same way. The biggest difference I notice with my sister is that she lets people tell her what to do way too much.







(Particularly with her pregnancy.) I have to keep telling her that if she's going to listen to other people, she needs to at least stop listening to stupid people.









How does schooling work though? If he starts right after basic, is he still going to be bringing in a paycheck? There is just NO way we could make it on my income alone. I have no doubt that he'd do great though. He is way, way too smart to wait tables forever. That is the main reason we are considering this... When we met, he was already in contact with a recruiter (for the Navy though, I think) and we both had scholarships. Love got in the way though and we wound up ditching everything else.







Not the smartest move, no, but we were 18, so that's our excuse. LOL


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## Sarah W

As for money and the commissary, I've found the commissary much cheaper on certain items. Probably the biggest money saver is meat. Meat is so much cheaper on post.


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## ~Katie~

MW - I didn't know you were in the NC







I know that the woman herself can't be prosecuted, but the law isn't so clear for CPM's themselves. For the longest time my midwife was undercover until she basically found out that her legal status is unknown because there's nothing that says someone certified in another state can't practice here. It's the midwives who aren't certified that can't deliver babies. I know they're in the process of trying to change the laws now, but I've also heard that they want to make all homebirths not attended by a CNM illegal as of next year. So anyone who isn't a CNM and delivers a baby could be prosecuted. There are two CNM's that I know of that attend homebirths here and several CPM's.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
MW - I didn't know you were in the NC







I know that the woman herself can't be prosecuted, but the law isn't so clear for CPM's themselves. For the longest time my midwife was undercover until she basically found out that her legal status is unknown because there's nothing that says someone certified in another state can't practice here. It's the midwives who aren't certified that can't deliver babies. I know they're in the process of trying to change the laws now, but I've also heard that they want to make all homebirths not attended by a CNM illegal as of next year. So anyone who isn't a CNM and delivers a baby could be prosecuted. There are two CNM's that I know of that attend homebirths here and several CPM's.

Oh, I just realized you're in NC, too. My MW is licensed in VA but can't get licensed here. A few years ago the state legislature passed a law stating that pregnancy was a medical condition, thereby making anyone other than an MD or CNM with MD backup who attends homebirths practicing medicine without a license. I can't remember now if it became a felony or is still a misdemeanor. Your CPM can be prosecuted for attending a homebirth but you can't be prosecuted for having your baby at home. Technically, my mother could've been prosecuted for being at my homebirth if she had done anything to help that could be considered medical treatment.

I forgot to mention something else about the Commissary. As someone else said, I think it does depend a lot on where you live. In Hawaii, it was a lot cheaper to shop at the Commissary. A gallon of milk out in town was about $8. It was half that price at the Commissary.


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## ~Katie~

My MW is also licensed in VA, she advertises openly and hasn't been prosecuted in all the years she's been here. The health department knows who she is and gives her equipment for conducting hearing tests and PKU tests, so I really don't know what the deal is with that. The whole thing is so absurd to me.

Wow on the milk prices! I'm really not impressed with our commissary, they have a wide selection of most things but I'm always disappointed with the meat and produce.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Wow on the milk prices! I'm really not impressed with our commissary, they have a wide selection of most things but I'm always disappointed with the meat and produce.

Harris Teeter usually has the nicest produce and meat here, I can't afford to shop there much though







I used to be an exclusive commissary shopper, but I have been shopping around a bit more lately and have found a few better deals. The service fee at the commy is not as high as the sales tax though, and I generally find that it saves to shop there. I hate the BX here though, I can never find what I am looking for, and it always seems over priced.

Quote:

Especially if you are enlisted, you have to accept that your dp will be at the beck and call of his superiors 24/7/365. Evenings and weekends that are normally not working hours are considered liberty so your service member can be called in to work at any time or can not have that liberty granted (that probably doesn't happen often but it's something to keep in mind)
i wanted to add that this is very very true. My dh gets called in all the freaking time, at all hours of the day and night when he's supposed to be "off work." In reality there is no off work.


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## ~Katie~

I can't afford HT, either







I live closer to TJ's now so it's not such a trip to go there once a month. I always really like their produce and can find exactly what I want (REAL new potatoes, yum yum). I went into Food Lion (the one in Cameron) today and they actually updated the inside and have a big selection of natural/organic stuff and a really good selection of body and household products so I was impressed. A lot of the commissary's produce is always over-ripe, IMO. It ends up getting really damaged because people are constantly pawing through it as well. I hate buying stuff and having to throw it out because we can't eat it in a couple of days.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
A lot of the commissary's produce is always over-ripe, IMO. It ends up getting really damaged because people are constantly pawing through it as well. I hate buying stuff and having to throw it out because we can't eat it in a couple of days.

yep. even when i go through and pick out the unbruised stuff the baggers mash it all up when i check out







. I try to buy at the Reilly Rd Farmers Market when stuff is in season, it's really close to our house.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
My MW is also licensed in VA, she advertises openly and hasn't been prosecuted in all the years she's been here. The health department knows who she is and gives her equipment for conducting hearing tests and PKU tests, so I really don't know what the deal is with that. The whole thing is so absurd to me.

Wow on the milk prices! I'm really not impressed with our commissary, they have a wide selection of most things but I'm always disappointed with the meat and produce.

I would guess that the people at the health department don't know the difference between a CPM and CNM and don't understand the laws. When I was investigated by CPS, I was very afraid my MW would get arrested. At first I denied that anyone was with me but my MW told me I should tell the truth. It would be better for her to go to jail for a day than me to go to jail and have my kids, including a newborn, breastfeeding baby taken to foster care, so I did. The CPS agent wanted to speak to my MW and she gave me permission to give her name and phone number. She told me later her lawyer really got onto her about that. The CPS agent was very understanding, though (maybe because she is from the UK where using MWs and having homebirths is more common). She said everything in her report was confidential and would not be passed onto any other government agencies. When she called the OB office to tell them their allegations were unfounded, they told her that me having a homebirth was illegal and wanted to know the name of my MW. She told them it was not illegal for me to have a homebirth and refused to give them my MW's name. Whew!

I'm not impressed with the meats or produce at our commissary, either. I've been told Wal-Mart has the best produce. The Commissary here used to carry organic beef. When it was time to switch vendors they switched to something that was called 100% natural,minimally processed (not the same as organic) and no one bought so they discontinued all of it. The Food Lion has just updated and added a lot of organic and natural foods. Food Lion meat is nasty, though. I can't even stomach their 100% natural chicken because it's enhanced, which means injected with liquid that gives it a strange texture.

There's a Lowes Food about 30 minutes away that has a lot of organic and natural foods. I can't afford to shop there, though. I wish we had a TJ's.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
yep. even when i go through and pick out the unbruised stuff the baggers mash it all up when i check out







. I try to buy at the Reilly Rd Farmers Market when stuff is in season, it's really close to our house.

I went to the other farmer's market over the summer but there were hardly any vendors there. Got some really good stuff for what was there, though. When is the Reilly Road one going on?


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## nia82

Homebirth: in WY only CNMs are allowed to attend them under obgyn-observation. There is not a single CNM here that offers homebirth. The next CNM that is willing to travel to WY is in Denver.... 2 hours south of us, more in traffic and winter. A couple years ago a local CNM was put on trial after a baby died, I don't know the full story, but it basically was a case that could have happened in a hospital too. At that time, CPMs from CO would still travel up here, but eversince the trial they are waayyy to scared to risk an illegal homebirth (since they are not allowed to practice medicine in WY). Argh.

NC: Oh I loved Harris Teeter, but so expensive. Produce is a lot cheaper in CA, the commissary was always more expensive than Safeway or Trader Joe's. And our new commy here is really small, they don't even have organic baby foods, just some cereal and the tomatoes. And since WY doesn't tax food, it is cheaper off base. At least Safeway, King Soopers and Albertsons have a decent organic selection. 1 hour down the road we have Wholefoods...When I go down, I buy bulk stuff.

@ MW: Which state was that again where they called CPS on yoU????
The whole CPS thing is why I picked CO for my next baby... THey don't care if you refuse vitamin K shots, vaccines and eye ointments. WY is a little iffy on that law.


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## MovingMomma

I need tips on good ways to communicate while DH is on ship! We anticipate that he'll have internet access most of the time & we're planning on sending the Magic Jack with him. I'm looking for suggestions for chat/video chat/etc, & I don't have any idea what sites may or may not be restricted on his connection.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
@ MW: Which state was that again where they called CPS on yoU????
The whole CPS thing is why I picked CO for my next baby... THey don't care if you refuse vitamin K shots, vaccines and eye ointments. WY is a little iffy on that law.

It was NC. Although I was very scared and angry, it turned out to be no big deal. By the time the CPS agent had walked from my front door to my living room she had decided the allegations were unfounded. Then it was just a matter of procedure so it took a while to get the paperwork saying nothing was needed. There is no law in this state requiring medical care for a child who is not ill so I hadn't broken any laws, no requirement for vaccines or eye ointment or the vit K shot. One reason I won't have a baby at the civ hospital here is because I was told that, according to hospital procedure, I could not decline either the vit K shot or the eye ointment (can't remember which it was now).

I think the reasons the people at my OB's office reported me was retaliation for having a homebirth and to cover their own butts. It took them 4 months to realize I had stopped coming to see them. By the time they called to check on me my baby was 3 months old. I think they were concerned they could be held liable if anything had happened.

Here's why I think it was retaliation. I had gone to that OB office as soon as I moved here because we were ttc and I had had 3 very early m/cs. I wanted to find out why I was m/cing because I desperately wanted another baby. When they called CPS they told CPS that I had 4 unknown children. Including my ds3 that means they were trying to make it sound like I was a baby killer or something. My m/cs had all occurred before 6w so how they could say those were unknown children I just can't fathom. The only thing I can come up with is that they were trying to make me sound as horrible as possible. I couldn't believe they'd be so cruel as to use something that was so tragic for me as a weapon against me. Then they told the CPS agent that having a homebirth was illegal so they lied about that, too. When they called to check on me the lady asked if I wanted to come for a PP check up. I declined because we were both find. We had both been seen by MDs since ds was born. They had the name of his pediatrician on file. They could've easily called him to confirm that my ds was alive and well. They didn't even bother to ask me if we had seen a doc. So, it doesn't seem that they were concerned that we hadn't been seen by docs. They were angry that I didn't have my baby the way they wanted me to and that I wouldn't come to them after they didn't even realize I was gone for months.









Shannon ~ I don't really know. I think when Sean and I used the webcam we used MSN but he wasn't on a ship. We haven't done that in years.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
If your partner is interested in languages, he could talk to a recruiter about becoming a linguist (35P in the Army - I don't know about the other services). I don't think you actually have to know a foreign language in advance: I'm pretty sure they make you take some kind of aptitude test that measures how easily you pick up languages, and then if you score highly enough they assign you a language and ship you off to train you in it.

Good luck!

ITA. Also, any of the military intelligence MOS's would allow your DP to use his skill set and get experience that will help him find a private sector job after he leaves the Army. My DH went in as 35L (counterintelligence agent) in the National Guard with a Master's degree. When he went Active Duty, he was immediately accepted to OCS; however, he was also given the option of staying enlisted and going to the Defense Language Institute for Korean or Arabic. DH is defintely not a macho type of guy - i.e. he has a BFA in ceramics and is a sculptor - however, he truly enjoys the camaraderie and purpose he finds in the Army.


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## ~Katie~

Yep, language is a good one. DH has chosen not to take the aptitude test for Arabic but it is highly sought after (and highly deployable). His top secret security clearance has pretty much guaranteed him a job with NGA if/when he decides to get out. I can't remember the website but there are a lot of services for post-military folks to find jobs.

I think my DH is a man of contradictions. He seems really macho, plays lots of manly sports but he's also a closet dork.


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## MovingMomma

What is NGA?


----------



## ~Katie~

National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Yep, language is a good one. DH has chosen not to take the aptitude test for Arabic but it is highly sought after (and highly deployable). *His top secret security clearance has pretty much guaranteed him a job with NGA if/when he decides to get out. I* can't remember the website but there are a lot of services for post-military folks to find jobs.

I think my DH is a man of contradictions. He seems really macho, plays lots of manly sports but he's also a closet dork.

I'm going to actually disagree with this. Having a TS isn't the leg up that it used to be, for a couple of reasons. #1-Having a TS is a lot more common now than 5-10 years ago. (As is a Secret clearance, which pretty much means nothing) #2-The job market is so much more competitive with these agencies, for a couple of reasons. People aren't leaving their jobs like they used to. If they have a job, they're holding onto it. Also, with the wars SO MANY people are getting out. Now, they're getting out with wartime experience.

When 10 people were competing for a job at DIA, FBI, NGA, now there are 80 people competing. *Plus, everyone who applies is going to have a TS already. Who applies for NGA? Intel analysts and Imagery Analysts, MOS that require TS clearances.

Not to say you won't get a job, but having a TS clearance isn't the slam dunk it used to be.

Also, realize that when you get out, many of these agencies are requiring you to sign a deployment clause when you're hired. I have a buddy that works at NGA and he's been deployed as a civilian twice. One of my BFF is FBI and she got back from Afghanistan and 2 months later was in Albania.

About 8 years ago, they set up the first Stryker Bde. We had our own Intel company. I saw a contractor come in to train that company and over the next two years, it left with almost 1/4 of the soldiers that had been military. That was then, though. Huge waves of soldiers left and now there are plenty to choose from.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Having a TS is a lot more common now than 5-10 years ago. (As is a Secret clearance, which pretty much means nothing)

Yeah, my dh has some sort of TS clearance. I don't know the specifics about it. He just mentioned it in passing once when I asked him to tell me what he was working on.


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## ~Katie~

He's already been offered a job for a particular field with NGA, and that's what he was told







Having a top secret security clearance does qualify them for certain jobs, and it does give them an advantage over people who are applying and still have to qualify. His training and college degree also play a big role, but the TS certainly doesn't hurt. Obviously a TS alone isn't all they look for, which I'm aware of.

If the National Guard doesn't let him stay active duty I'll take it at this point because we don't exactly have any other options or source of income to depend on.


----------



## ~Katie~

Also wanted to add that I can definitely see what you're saying being true for the base level positions available with post-military employers. One would generally assume that with the higher paying positions there would be less competition because there would be fewer qualifying people. So if someone is looking to transition into a post-military career it would be wise to get as much under their belt as possible while in the military in order to have an advantage. Like learning a language, getting a college degree, etc. If they're interested in a job that would require a TS, getting one while in the military would give them one step up in order to gain employment once they're out.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
He's already been offered a job for a particular field with NGA, and that's what he was told









If the National Guard doesn't let him stay active duty I'll take it at this point because we don't exactly have any other options or source of income to depend on.

That must be nice knowing he has a job if/when he gets out. How long is he supposed to be AD for now?


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
That must be nice knowing he has a job if/when he gets out. How long is he supposed to be AD for now?

It's a looooooooooooong story.

When he was about to commission, we expected him to go active duty no problem. Then the National Guard and Reserves pulled some shenanigans and claimed they had a shortage of officers that year and 500 ROTC cadets got pushed out of active duty and had to choose between NG and Reserves. Imagine my heart attack in knowing that right before commissioning we have no back up plan, with a newborn baby to boot. Turns out they ended up having a surplus







So he was given a deal of 3 years active duty/3 years national guard. A lot of people still chose to go NG/Reserves but because of the time of his commissioning (Dec. instead of May like everybody else) he ended up being one of the first people offered this deal.

There are a lot of growing pains being worked out with everything. A big one being nobody knows who he works for at the moment. Nobody even knows what's going to happen when his 3 years are up. At this point he has several contacts with potential employers and is getting his ducks in a row. It's going to depend on a multitude of things, including finding a NG unit to take him in the same area as his employer if he can't stay active duty. It's looking like a year and a half at this point.


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## MarineWife

Katie ~ That's confusing. He was going to be commissioned active duty in the Army but at the last second was told he had to go either NG or Reserves only to find out that he could go back to AD Army? Is 3 years AD and 3 years NG the same type of thing that my dh had to agree to when he was initially commissioned, which was 4 years AD and 6 years Reserves? Then the longer he serves as AD the shorter his Reserve time becomes. I think once he served 4 more years AD he was released from any Reserve requirement.

AFM, the homecoming confusion begins. First, I was told the day and time they'd be here. Then my dh sent me an email saying the info on the hotline was incorrect and their time had been bumped by 3 hours but neglected to tell me earlier or later. In the meantime, a complete stranger just knocked on my door asking if he could keep his croissants in my freezer because my dh had told his ds he could. Of course, there was no mention of that in the email from my dh. On top of that, the man is Korean so I couldn't understand what he was saying. I got that his ds is a Marine coming home with my dh and that my dh had told him to come here but I didn't know what for. I finally just asked him to show me. That's when I saw the bags of croissants.







I just talked to our FRO and she said the info on the hotline is correct and the time has been moved 3 hours later. That means they'll be getting in very late at night. Ugh! We're usually in bed by 9. Hopefully, it will change again but not to some time in the middle of the night. Otherwise, I don't know how my dh will get home.


----------



## ~Katie~

Enjoy your homecoming!!

It is very confusing. After we were told he had to go NG he started recruiting, we got a house, etc. Then a couple of months later it was "Surprise, you're going AD!" As far as I know his NG unit in NY owns him so they make the decision with what happens when his three years are up. At this point in time we believe he'll go back to NG status and do drill there, or if he can find another unit he can do it elsewhere. That was what we were told when he was offered this deal, it was a compromise for taking all of these officers. Since then we've been told from other people (not his NG unit) that he may be able to negotiate with them and stay on AD status. His NG unit is totally clueless, so it's anybody's guess what will happen. They may end up leaving it up to him.

I think it is similar with different circumstances. My BIL decided to do what your DH did but he will be going reserves in order to be a school teacher. DH is paid by a NG unit, who claims they don't pay him, even though they're in charge of anything pay related according to DFAS. His AD unit has no say in anything job related for him, when he gets promoted, etc. They also claim they don't pay him. Neither unit communicates with the other. He got promoted in May and no one wants to claim responsibility for the paperwork, so they owe him over $4000 right now. We probably won't see it until he gets back from deployment and it will be well over $7000 by then. It's a mess.


----------



## nia82

TS clearance took for all of us (us and the couples/guys we know) 6-12 months. The FBI talked to a lot of family members and friends and our friend with a Russian wife had a very very hard time getting it, it took over a year and nearly looked like he couldn't go missiles and go logistics or something like that. My impression was top sec clearance is quite a piece of work?
After our initial 4 years the outlook is pretty good to stay in if we want to. Missiles isn't most people's dream, hence plenty of slots available once you're O3. Most people get out at this point and go civilian. We'll see though, we don't want to be nuked-tracked (missiles) and switch to space which is more competitive, but has good outlook for after-military-life, lots of the guys work as contractors for the military in spacelift. That would be very awesome for us.


----------



## MovingMomma

Katie: That makes my head spin! Sounds crazy!!!









MW: Excited for you!









I'm still looking for ideas for communicating while DH is on ship. Anyone? Or ideas for where else I can go to look for ideas?


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
TS clearance took for all of us (us and the couples/guys we know) 6-12 months. The FBI talked to a lot of family members and friends and our friend with a Russian wife had a very very hard time getting it, it took over a year and nearly looked like he couldn't go missiles and go logistics or something like that. My impression was top sec clearance is quite a piece of work?

Actually, it's not the FBI that talks to people. They're investigators for OPM Office of Personnel Management. They do have badges and credentials, but they're not affiliated with the FBI at all. They're contractors.

Having a TS clearance does qualify you for many, many more jobs than not having a clearance. That is definitely true. My point was that it isn't quite the leg up when competing for a job, because 90% of the other applicants are going to have a TS clearance, too.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
My impression was top sec clearance is quite a piece of work?


Honestly, not really. They do take a while, but that's more about the process than anything. I mean, it's a huge PITA to fill out the paperwork, plus you have to do it twice as often as anyone else. It's just not nearly as uncommon as a lot of people think.

ETA-I would never _ever_ say for someone not to submit for one if they have the opportunity because of the job they do or where they work. It does put you in another class altogether. It does open doors that you wouldn't have open normally.

I've been Intel my entire career and there are TONS of soldiers in the Intellligence field that I've seen get out in the last 5-7 years. I've seen those same guys struggle because they didn't expect that so many others with the same qualifications leave the service.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
They're investigators for OPM Office of Personnel Management. They do have badges and credentials, but they're not affiliated with the FBI at all. They're contractors.

Does the military have their own OPM or are you talking about the federal government's OPM? I had to go through a security clearance screening (not nearly as important or thorough as for TS clearance) when I applied to work for the Patent & Trademark Office. I'm wondering if it would be the same agency that would do the security clearance for the military and the PTO.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Does the military have their own OPM or are you talking about the federal government's OPM? I had to go through a security clearance screening (not nearly as important or thorough as for TS clearance) when I applied to work for the Patent & Trademark Office. I'm wondering if it would be the same agency that would do the security clearance for the military and the PTO.

I believe that OPM does the investigations for everyone, when I was at DIA we went over clearances and that was how it was done then. That was 6 years ago, though. I am actually not sure, because it has changed in recent years, as has how the Gov't pays for the investigation. Everything is a little bit different.

For example, the people who do the investigation aren't the ones who decide if you get the clearance or not. They just do the interviews and such and turn over the report to the service's Adjudicating Authority. Each service has their own AA.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I believe that OPM does the investigations for everyone, when I was at DIA we went over clearances and that was how it was done then. That was 6 years ago, though. I am actually not sure, because it has changed in recent years, as has how the Gov't pays for the investigation. Everything is a little bit different.

For example, the people who do the investigation aren't the ones who decide if you get the clearance or not. They just do the interviews and such and turn over the report to the service's Adjudicating Authority. Each service has their own AA.

I was thinking things might be done a little differently now. I worked for the USPTO 10 years ago.


----------



## MarineWife

So, it's 10:05 pm and here I am, still waiting. The time has changed 3 times so far. The latest is now midnight. I hope that's it and that I can stay up that late. The boys are still up. They don't usually go to bed until I do and I can't lay down with them or I'll probably fall asleep (not to mention muss my hair







). They'll probably conk out as soon as I start driving the car. On the one hand, that will be nice because dh and I will be able to talk. On the other hand, the boys will then be upset because they weren't up to greet Daddy.


----------



## Sarah W

Yay! Sorry that you had to wait. Gotta love that the time will never be correct.







Hope you guys are enjoying the time together!

I spoke to my branch manager yesterday and I WILL HAVE ORDERS NEXT WEEK!!!!!

Whew! That was a huge relief for us. Not only would it have been a huge pain to execute 2 cross country moves, I'm just not a fan of moving by myself with 2 dogs and a baby. Plus, DH will deploy a little less than a month after he gets there, so if I had to leave any later he wouldn't be here to help. Additionally, we closed on our house on Wed and I'm not a big fan of paying that mortgage and our ungodly expensive ($2400/month) rent down here.

After everything that has happened, all of this crap has been so much more difficult. I've been so stressed out.
Now, we've just started getting things ready. We scheduled shutoffs for the utilities and the movers came yesterday to do a walkthrough. We were going to have just his things sent, but now we can move all of our stuff.








<--This has been me for the last day.

We're driving up to N. FL right before Christmas and spending it with my family. His grandparents are flying up on the 26th to pick up DD and take her to CA, so she doesn't have to spend days in the car. Then, we'll be on our way to WA!


----------



## firstkid4me

My name is Rebecca, I'm 26 and I currently live outside of Pittsburgh. Dh is AGR Army, and we're getting ready to PCS to Phoenix. We have 2 kidlets, Emily and Lana, ages 4 and 2 respectively. We're probably going to be living on base, on Luke AFB. I hear Air Force housing is really nice. We've been approved for a 4 bedroom house because Kevin's an NCO, so I'm excited about that after living in apartments for much too long.

I'm really nervous about the move because my friend called me this morning and told me the Today show did some sort of expose on Phoenix this morning and it's a big dump according to them. Gee thanks, it's not like I'm going to move there or anything!


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Hi, ladies! I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Kara and my husband has been in the Army for 6 years. He's currently a Staff Sergeant, and will be commissioned in May. We have an almost 2 year old named Maddox. He's still nursing, we co-sleep, cloth diaper, don't vaccinate and I had a water birth at a freestanding birth center with a direct entry midwife. So I guess our crunch factor is pretty high.







Haha. We live in Hagerstown, MD for now, but will be go to Fort Sill for 5 months (probably this summer) and then who knows after that. We're hoping for Germany, but won't find out until January at the earliest.

Looking forward to getting to know all you ladies.


----------



## boobyjuicex3

Can any of you ladied help me with the chain of command or proper procedure for refusing vaccinations?

I live on an Air Force Base, and have a daycare in my home..... Notice has come down that any and every child and adult working in the CDC/childcare homes has to get the H1N1 vaccine. If they don't they have no daycare! I don't want the vaccine, and I don't think I should be made to. Thanks a bunch in advance


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boobyjuicex3* 
Can any of you ladied help me with the chain of command or proper procedure for refusing vaccinations?

I live on an Air Force Base, and have a daycare in my home..... Notice has come down that any and every child and adult working in the CDC/childcare homes has to get the H1N1 vaccine. If they don't they have no daycare! I don't want the vaccine, and I don't think I should be made to. Thanks a bunch in advance

I hate to say it, but I'm not sure that you will be able to refuse the vaccine without a medical exemption. I think your best bet would be to contact the public health department at your base medical center and ask to speak to the department head about your concerns. Good luck!


----------



## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
As for money and the commissary, I've found the commissary much cheaper on certain items. Probably the biggest money saver is meat. Meat is so much cheaper on post.











Hi Sarah. Casey here. My DD went to the CDC with your LO for a while earlier in the year.... I haven't been around for a while but its good to see that you're here.

To put in my 2 cents--commissaries across the country do not all have the same prices. For example, the least expensive Lean Cuisines (the frozen dinners) cost $1.99 in Key West. They cost $2.29 at the commissary on Ft. Hood, TX, and $2.38 at H-E-B in Austin, TX. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that some of the prices are adjusted based on the availability of other resources and the local cost of living. My suspicion is that the commissary prices in Key West were wonderful because we didn't get COLA (even though Miami gets COLA and they have more shopping options). I definitely second buying somethings on base and others off. Meat, cereal, anything that comes in a box or pre-made should be bought on base. Anything fresh off base. Cans don't seem to make a difference.

Anyway that's just my thoughts!

Man do I miss Key West.... It's







in Texas!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
I definitely second buying somethings on base and others off. Meat, cereal, anything that comes in a box or pre-made should be bought on base. Anything fresh off base. Cans don't seem to make a difference.

Thanks for this idea. I'll try that to see if it makes a difference in our overall bill. I alternate between on and off-base grocery shopping but hadn't tried only buying certain things at one or the other. The meat section at our Commissary is awful, imo. Chicken is ok. Fish/seafood is bad, too.


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## nia82

boobgyjuice: Check out the vaccination forum and find posts about military. Emmeline II knows it all, really. There is a way to avoid vaccines with a religious waiver, and they will give you a hard time. AF is the only branch that requires the H1N1 vaccine, unfortunately.
However, it hasn't even arrived yet here at our AF base. They made a huge stink about it that everyone should get it and they still don't have it, yet swine flu has long ago peaked in the US. We don't have problems since we don't use daycare nor am I a provider and we are praying DH will not have to get the stinking shot...
My sister was forced to get it (Pandemrix version, yikes) and was sick for over 10 days, up to 104 fever, vomiting, unable to eat, realllly bad. I had swine flu and it was easy peasy compared to her reaction to it. She works as a MD in a hospital and they made her get it. All of them were out sick for at least a week... I expect worse with the flumist - when the guys got it here (the reg flumist) more than 30% of the squadrons were down for a week. DH got a shot at CVS instead, cause we didn't want him to shed stuff around the house. Oh well.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
boobgyjuice: Check out the vaccination forum and find posts about military. Emmeline II knows it all, really. There is a way to avoid vaccines with a religious waiver, and they will give you a hard time.

I was going to say that you might be able to get a religious waiver. You might also have to inform the parents of the children you care for that you will not be getting the shot so they can choose if they want to find a different provider. I suspect, though, that since you are voluntarily providing childcare in your home on the base they could tell you that if you don't get the vax you can't provide childcare anymore.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
I expect worse with the flumist - when the guys got it here (the reg flumist) more than 30% of the squadrons were down for a week. DH got a shot at CVS instead, cause we didn't want him to shed stuff around the house. Oh well.

Thanks for suggesting this. I'll mention it to my dh if he has to get the flu vax and is offered the mist at work. My dh hates having to get the vax because he gets sick for a week every time. My elderly father does, too, but insists he needs the vax so he won't get the flu.









I think we had the H1N1 flu a couple of months ago. It wasn't bad at all, just like any other seasonal illness. My dh came home talking about the people who have been dropping dead from it. I had to explain to him that was not the truth.


----------



## EdnaMarie

We had H1N1 and DD got a secondary infection and had to do a course of antibiotics to stop her from reaching over 105 fever. We got the vaccination for the regular flu and haven't been sick since.

On another note entirely- should I send a holiday card to my husband's commanding officer?


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
On another note entirely- should I send a holiday card to my husband's commanding officer?

thats a good question, should I?


----------



## EdnaMarie

Oh, and how do I sign it? All the other cards are signed, "With love." THAT won't do.


----------



## ~Katie~

Kindest Regards, Blessings, Sincerely, etc.

Going to NY to the IL's with the kids on the 20th, that should be a fun trip. I think we're going to take a trip to Maine for Christmas itself. I think we'll do okay, as long as I don't bring much on the plane. It's only an hour and 45 minute flight so as long as we don't run into bad weather we should be good. What's everyone planning for the holidays?

I'm pretty sure I had h1n1 about a month ago when it peaked here. I haven't had the flu in over 15 years but I knew exactly what it was as soon as I started feeling sick. I really only had 2 days where I felt totally incapacitated but after about 4 days I was fine again. Neither kid got sick with it but both had colds during that time, they must have gotten antibodies from me.


----------



## gagin37

We've all been really healthy, just seasonal allergies for me and the babe earlier last month. dh did have to get the flumist vax, but we didn't get sick from it. he hasnt had to get the h1n1 vax yet.

We are traveling for the holidays, going to see various family, we'll be gone a little over a week. I feel like we have too many people expecting, demanding, that we see them over the holiday. dh gets one week off, and can't take any extra leave. We have 5 or 6 houses to try to visit. meh. too much rushing.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Katie- so that's a yes, I should send one? I don't want to be a suck-up. I don't even know if he/she is a man or a woman. Obviously my husband does, though.

We finally got sponsored so are going to try to get our tickets for next Monday. Christmas on the floor with our good old plastic tree. Wish us luck, especially that the presents get there.


----------



## ~Katie~

Good luck with the holidays, Claire. I know how you feel about being stretched too thin, I'm sorry they're not willing to make some compromises for you.

EM - Woohoo on getting sponsored! I think it would be really nice of you and a kind gesture. It's totally up to you, I wouldn't consider it sucking up because cards and other little things are typically exchanged during this time. When DH worked at brigade one captain made chicken noodle soup and hot cocoa kits for everyone and they were super adorable.


----------



## Nicole Starr

Hi, I'm Nicole. My husband and I are stationed at Yongsan in S. Korea!

Nice to meet you ladies.


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## MarineWife

I agree with Katie on the Christmas card thing. If you like to send Christmas cards out to lots of people go ahead and send one to the CO. I don't think it's necessary or expected, though, so don't feel obligated. Personally, I'd leave it up to your spouse. Of course, if he's anything like mine, he'll just shrug and grunt.









We are staying right here for the holidays. My dh gets about 2 weeks off and only has 3-4 weeks at home so he doesn't want to do any traveling. The most traveling he'll do is driving 2 hours to pick up our 18yo ds at the train station so he'll be home for Christmas.







I think my dh will go by himself so he'll have time to talk to ds in the car. DS is a car ride talker so it's a great time to catch up and reconnect with him. We'll have Christmas at home with just us and the boys. My dad is coming to visit the 28th-31st. My stepsis and her dh are coming for a few hours on the 30th. My mom is coming the 31st-3rd (hopefully, my dad will be long gone before she arrives) so that my dh and I can get our weekend alone.









Claire ~ I am sorry you can't get some compromise. Now that we have young children I tell my family that they can come here if they want to see us.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Thanks. My husband said people were concerned about "fraternization". Does he mean bribes? I said, it's not like it's even a bar of chocolate. It's pictures of our kids.







y He said wait 'til we get there, but it's not going to happen if I do.

Annnyway, thanks for the tips. I think I'll see if he has a change of heart, but if not, I won't sweat it. On the other hand, he doesn't want to send one to our sponsor, which to me is silly. They've already helped us so much!


----------



## ~Katie~

I would not consider a Christmas card fraternization. Fraternization would be like using your rank to make others feel obligated to do favors for you, like giving car rides or buying lunch every day or stuff like that. Going to bars together, etc. Basically way over-stepping the bounds of professionalism and getting into the realm of personal friendships/relationships between commissioned officers and enlisted. There are more serious examples, of course, but I definitely don't consider a Christmas card one of them.


----------



## MarineWife

Again, I agree with Katie on the card/fraternization thing. I think it would be nice to send a card to your sponsor. I always appreciate Christmas cards from anyone and I don't even celebrate Christmas. Your sponsor is not your dh's CO?


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

That really stinks about having to get the Swine Flu vax. My son has had it...twice according to his doctors.







Since they aren't actually testing for it, they don't really know, but I guess one of the two times he was sick he probably actually had it. The first time he was sick it was just a high fever. The second time it was a high fever and that turned into chest congestion, which took a bit longer to fight off. Neither bouts were really all that bad. Of course some people in my family were calling for hourly updates, convinced that one or all of us would drop dead, or at least be hospitalized. After all, the news makes it seem that way.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PhilsBabyMama* 
That really stinks about having to get the Swine Flu vax. My son has had it...twice according to his doctors.







Since they aren't actually testing for it, they don't really know, but I guess one of the two times he was sick he probably actually had it. The first time he was sick it was just a high fever. The second time it was a high fever and that turned into chest congestion, which took a bit longer to fight off. Neither bouts were really all that bad. Of course some people in my family were calling for hourly updates, convinced that one or all of us would drop dead, or at least be hospitalized. After all, the news makes it seem that way.

Yeah, that makes me laugh. I had to explain to my dh that there is really no proof that the #s the CDC and the media are quoting since they aren't testing for H1N1 anymore. On top of that, even those who tested positive for H1N1 with a nasal swab aren't necessarily infected with it. We all always carry all kinds of germs and viruses in and on our bodies. We don't usually become ill from them. I got calls from grandparents worried their grandchildren were going to drop dead, especially since I didn't even take them to the doc. If they are sick, why would I want to expose them to more germs so the doc can tell me they are sick?







The only reason I'm thinking it's possible they had H1N1 is because they were sick with classic flu symptoms for about a week, appeared to get better but then got sick worse about a week later. They both recovered without any problems and now they most likely have a natural immunity to the virus.
 








My dh has so far been able to get out of getting either the seasonal or H1N1 vax. He was supposed to get both while in Afghanistan. Since things are more slack there, they don't have medical records and just tell guys as they come back from patrols that they need to get their shots, he just didn't go. He says if it comes up when they go over his records before he leaves for school he'll tell them he got both in Afghanistan and doesn't know why they aren't in his records. We'll see if they try to make him get them anyway. He's not against vaxes but he says the only time he ever gets sick is right after the forced flu vax so he hates getting it.


----------



## ~Katie~

h1n1 made the rounds twice at DH's FOB when they first got there. He ended up coming down with it the first time. The vax was mandatory for them and what he said prior to getting it was priceless "Be aware that if I die from this shot, there may no longer be an Army, because my wife will kill everyone". He put up a good fight, totally joking of course


----------



## MarineWife

I was told at the gym childcare that there have been confirmed cases of H1N1 here. I don't know if those are true confirmed cases or confirmed cases following the CDC guidelines. I didn't bother to ask because I doubt the women who work in the childcare room know. They just pass on the info they are given.

My 2yo did get MRSA from the childcare room there. That cleared up with regular antibiotics long before I got the test results confirming that it was MRSA.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I was told at the gym childcare that there have been confirmed cases of H1N1 here. I don't know if those are true confirmed cases or confirmed cases following the CDC guidelines. I didn't bother to ask because I doubt the women who work in the childcare room know. They just pass on the info they are given.

My 2yo did get MRSA from the childcare room there. That cleared up with regular antibiotics long before I got the test results confirming that it was MRSA.

ug, this worries me. i just joined a gym here and will have to use the childcare room for ds and my biggest fear is that he'll catch something. we've been soooo lucky that he's never once been sick, only minor allergy symptoms a couple times.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I would not consider a Christmas card fraternization. Fraternization would be like using your rank to make others feel obligated to do favors for you, like giving car rides or buying lunch every day or stuff like that. Going to bars together, etc. Basically way over-stepping the bounds of professionalism and getting into the realm of personal friendships/relationships between commissioned officers and enlisted. There are more serious examples, of course, but I definitely don't consider a Christmas card one of them.

That's what I thought, but I also remember his recruiter wouldn't even take a cup of coffee or Lipton tea when he drove two hours in below-freezing weather to pick up DH! I was all... "You can pay me twenty cents for it, if you want!" but he still refused. Hm.


----------



## gagin37

i made christmas cookies and sent them to work with dh last week, rather than send cards or whatnot. i did the same thing at halloween, they like my baking


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
i made christmas cookies and sent them to work with dh last week, rather than send cards or whatnot. i did the same thing at halloween, they like my baking









I send cookies too, baked goods seem to always be appreciated


----------



## EdnaMarie

*sniff* Next year, when we're together...


----------



## Maluhia

Dropped DH off to go out to sea again...we'll hope he's home for the holidays









DD did pretty well with the two-day visit, but I'm sure she'll end up in my bed for a few days full time rather than the on/off we usually have....


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37*
ug, this worries me. i just joined a gym here and will have to use the childcare room for ds and my biggest fear is that he'll catch something. we've been soooo lucky that he's never once been sick, only minor allergy symptoms a couple times.

This is going to happen any time one puts a child in a group setting like that. For the first 2 months of school every year, everyone deals with sick kids and teachers. It's not such a bad thing for your child to be exposed to germs that can cause illness as long as the child is not too young and has a strong immune system. A friend really freaked me out about the MRSA. I googled it and found that, just like almost all other illnesses, the hype is much worse than the truth. Most people who get MRSA recover just fine. People who are already sick, like those in the hospital, can get very ill from it. My ds only had to take regular antibiotics and the infection cleared up. I'm actually considering calling TriCare to see if I can contest paying for the testing for MRSA. We didn't get the test results from the lab until at least 4 weeks after his infection had cleared up so there was no need for it. I think the doc who insisted on the testing did it just to add to his data about MRSA because he mentioned something about collecting data for MRSA outside the hospital. The other doc who examined ds didn't think it was necessary. The bill is $200!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
DD did pretty well with the two-day visit, but I'm sure she'll end up in my bed for a few days full time rather than the on/off we usually have....

How old is she? When my dh left for his first deployment, my tough, didn't give a car 13yo slept in my bed for the first 3 days.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Are they freaking serious?

FOUR MONTHS SEPARATION AFTER SPOUSE COMPLETES TRAINING?

Is this how they plan to get families to buy their own freaking tickets?

Sorry, but I just can't handle it. I can NOT. This is not deployment, this is screwed up.

We were told to wait and wait and wait until we were command sponsored, well it took two months, and now they tell us it will be another two months.

I am sitting here crying. I don't know what to say. God I hate it. All the sacrifice was fine for a purpose but to push freaking papers across a desk?

Christmas is ruined, New Years is ruined, everything is freaking ruined. I am SO TIRED OF PUTTING MY KIDS TO BED ALONE. I am so freaking tired.

And when we get there, he'll be gone within months for deployment. Fine, deploy him. I don't really give a hoot anymore what they do, but Jesus, can my kids see their dad when he's NOT deployed or in training?

I am staying with my loving but passive-aggressive mom, I can't get a job, I can't do anything, I am paying everything month to month.

They did NOT tell us about this additional separation. Everyone talks like it's just oh, okay, your DH finishes training and you're together.

And what's worse, I was the only one at the place with kids. Nobody else was alone with kids. If all these soldiers are deployed, how come I am always the only one dragging two kids around freaking Ft. Lewis, one acting worse than she's ever acted in her life despite my telling her that if she could not sit still we would not get to see dad until later (she didn't sit still, we had to leave the briefing, luckily got to do it later!)?

Why? It was all single people. I feel so alone. I wish someone, anyone could tell me definitively how to do this. Nobody is responsible for the whole system, nobody can give you a checklist and just say, do X, Y, and Z.

How can they run an army like that???? Without checklists, without orders, without anything, just like these random pieces of advice like "change your address a month before you go."

WELL CIVILIAN ORGANIZATIONS TELL YOU TO DO THAT. Duh. And anyway, if you don't know when you're going until a week before, HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW are you supposed to do all that preparation? Bank account, my butt. Like I'll have time to go to the bank. When we do get out tickets, I'm out of here. We'll cancel our account by phone. Sheesh.

I'm so depressed. I just want to cancel Crhistmas, cancel everything, and dig a hole and forget about it. I can't deal with this anymore.


----------



## ~adorkable~

oh EdnaMarie, i just wanna come over and give you a huge hug.


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## MarineWife

Edna ~ That sounds so very frustrating. That's exactly the type of thing I was talking about when I said that the military these days gives a lot of lip service to caring about the families but when it comes down to it, they really don't. They have a job to do and nothing else matters.

I just realized something the other day. My dh is in the process of checking out of his current unit this week. When he goes to OK for this training course he won't be part of the unit here anymore. That means for 5-6 months I'll be here essentially all alone. I will be unattached, no unit. I don't get involved much with unit stuff, anyway, but it's nice to have a name, phone number and sometimes a face if I do need something.


----------



## ~Katie~

I'm so sorry, EM







I really hoped this would go through for you. All I can suggest is to continue calling and talking to anyone you can, insist on talking to supervisors. Be the biggest pain in the ass you can possibly be. Get in touch with your DH's chain of command and ask them to start making phone calls. I really wish I could help you out more somehow


----------



## EdnaMarie

I will, last night I could do nothing but complain. And I only had half a glass of wine left in the bottle. I thought it would show lack of restraint to open up another one, LOL.

Thanks guys. I just needed to vent.

Today, DH will ask his CO for something to say we can go with proof of application. When we have that, and our appointment date, I will go back and beg them to give me a ticket knowing I'm going to have that application in before I leave, so that we can get tickets for Christmas eve or something.

If that doesn't go through, tickets for Christmas Day are as low as $450 each (I found one for Lufthansa for $400 each but it's no doubt gone by now) and we are considering flying with sponsorship, passports, and a key to our apartment in hand, screw their government passports. I mean... it is NOT hard to get a German visa. Really.

I should say that each individual has been very nice. It is just that (a) some people, though well meaning, truly do not know what they are doing and (b) they lack the ability to explain their bureaucratic procedure and make proper forms.

Like, if you have to have a 1-hr briefing for people to fill in a form, because you have to explain every single space, MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR A NEW FORM.

You don't even need to change the numbers. Just the explanations.

Again, it's not any single person. I'm glad some army wife has a full-time office job explaining the form. She was very nice. BUt honestly...


----------



## boobyjuicex3

Hug! I couldn't read and not give you some support.


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## boobyjuicex3

Thank you for your suggestions. I will let you know what I find out. This is just one more thing to add to my to-do list! UGH it never ends does it?!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
if you have to have a 1-hr briefing for people to fill in a form, because you have to explain every single space, MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR A NEW FORM.

Haha! We got into that at our reunion brief. The guy was explaining why it there's such a delay from when the guys land and when we actually get to see them. They have to sit on the plane for an hour after it lands being given step by step instructions on how to fill out their customs forms. Even if they are done with theirs in 30 seconds, they have to wait for everyone else.

That's how the government is. I had to go through that silly waste of time when I worked at the PTO. We'd have to have classes on new procedures that were easily understood if we just read the memos. I guess the problem was that lots of people wouldn't bother to read the memos so the classes were the only way to make sure everyone had all the new info. It's easier to subject everyone to an hour long class than trying to figure out who already knows the stuff and who needs to be told/taught.


----------



## Just1More

I can identify with all of you SO much. I wish I could say more, but dh doesn't want me to.

Anyway...hi! I'm reading...









(Edna Marie...I HATE the form stuff, everytime we move I say, "you have GOT to be kidding me." I really have to sit here with everyone with my little kids when I KNOW how to fill out the form? Whatever.)

(MW...when you are basically unattached to anything, check out the base family team building office. They can give you all the same support. I'm not sure if I can post phone numbers on here? I don't see why not, but if you need something, call the base info line, and ask for the number. We spent a while with a unit, though not exactly IN the unit, and it was VERY lonely. It looks like we are headed that way again, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Oh, by the way, my dh got home the night before yours did...)

Anyway, nice to meet you all...


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nicole Starr* 
Hi, I'm Nicole. My husband and I are stationed at Yongsan in S. Korea!

Nice to meet you ladies.

Hi! Welcome! I lived in Yongsan in 98. Best place to be in Korea! I loved my time there, both times I was stationed there.

I'm clearing!







I should get my orders tomorrow (they crossed their hearts) but the only place I need them is medical and dental, which is all I have left to clear. Goodbye Key West!


----------



## MarineWife

I've got my own government bureaucratic mix up to tell you. My dh had to do something with his emergency info today. Not sure if that's normal post-deployment stuff or part of what he has to do for checking out. Anyway, when checking his emergency contact info he noticed that in August, while he was in Afghanistan, his life insurance beneficiaries were changed. So, if he had died while deployed, we would not have gotten his 400K life insurance. It would've gone to some complete stranger in Tennessee, along with his final paycheck. And, when I went to them to tell them they messed up, they would tell me yep and now I have to file a lawsuit.

Turns out that someone with the same last name checked in here in August and whoever was putting the info in the computer accidentally put it under my dh's name. They don't send out any kind of notice when the info is changed. How scary is that? So, now we know it's very important to continually check his emergency info to make sure it's correct.


----------



## sarahb918

Hi everyone *waves*

I'm semi-new to these boards. I used to read a lot and post back when I was pregnant with my daughter (2006, born in 2007), but it's been a long time and a ton has changed since then.

I just got married and became a Marine wife this September! My husband is currently assigned to MCAS Cherry Point and we are living in New Bern. He just made the difficult decision to re-enlist for another 4 years and we're starting to talk babies (much easier conversation to have when you know you have another 4 years of job security and health insurance)!

I'm hoping that somebody in here will have some advice or experience to share with me. I'm not pregnant yet, but I feel like I need to start doing my research in advance because I have a feeling I might be in for an uphill battle. I want to have a homebirth with my next child and I would (obviously) like for Tricare to cover most if not all of it. The problem is finding out how to to this. I have two pregnant friends who are also military wives and according to them, it's not possible. One of them has resorted to paying out of pocket and the other is probably going to either go with a birth center that's covered under Standard or pay out of pocket. If it comes down to it, I will pay out of pocket because having a homebirth is important to me, but if there is a way to get Tricare to cover it I'd definitely rather go that route.

Thanks in advance and nice to meet you all!

PS: I hope this is the right place to post this. This is the only thread that I saw for military moms. If there is a separate forum somewhere that I missed, just direct me to it! Thanks!


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## MarineWife

I'm in NC. My dh is stationed at Camp LeJeune. I've had a homebirth here.

There is a thread on the Homebirth board about TriCare. TriCare does cover homebirth with a TC certified CNM, NP or MD. You would probably want to have Standard because with Prime the MTF gets to decide whether or not to refer you out. If they can provide you with what they consider sufficient maternity care, they don't have to authorize your referral out. You are not entitled for an outside referral just because you want to have a homebirth. You can still do fee-for-service with Prime without a referral but it costs more. The deductible and cost share/copay are more than with Standard. The problem is that, as far as I know, there isn't any one of those who will attend homebirths in eastern NC. I could not find one and have not heard of anyone since my homebirth. In addition to that, the only CPM I know of who covers your area has gone on sabbatical and I don't know when, or if, she'll be back. I think that's the gist of it. I've actually been contemplating an intended UC if I have another baby. I wouldn't really want to do that but if my only choices are UC or a hospital, I'll choose UC (I think).


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I've got my own government bureaucratic mix up to tell you. My dh had to do something with his emergency info today. Not sure if that's normal post-deployment stuff or part of what he has to do for checking out. Anyway, when checking his emergency contact info he noticed that in August, while he was in Afghanistan, his life insurance beneficiaries were changed. So, if he had died while deployed, we would not have gotten his 400K life insurance. It would've gone to some complete stranger in Tennessee, along with his final paycheck. And, when I went to them to tell them they messed up, they would tell me yep and now I have to file a lawsuit.

Turns out that someone with the same last name checked in here in August and whoever was putting the info in the computer accidentally put it under my dh's name. They don't send out any kind of notice when the info is changed. How scary is that? So, now we know it's very important to continually check his emergency info to make sure it's correct.


That is scary. Also, if anyone ever marries someone who was previously married, please make sure the SGLV/DD93 are updated. If not, the money will go to the ex-wife.


----------



## EdnaMarie

MW I meant to reply that I am so sorry and thanks for sharing because it's a good tip for all of us!

Re: government: No. I have worked with USAID and the Peace Corps, in other words, total hippy dippy softies, and it was just... not like that. Really. Though, that was under Clinton. Sigh. Bureaucratic, sure, but nothing compared to the Army.

In the Peace Corps, you actually get a list of what is expected of you, and if you follow it, you can get something done. Not so with the Army!

Anyway, that's okay because we ended up getting tickets by going around the system- we will fly on an unspecified date on an unspecified airline to an unspecified location in time for an unspecified holiday. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.









I'm packing Christmas stuff now. Well, padding it. I'm assuming TSA will open it up on the way. I just hope they re-pad!


----------



## MarineWife

EdnaMarie!


----------



## MovingMomma

MW: That's scary! Makes me thankful for our very unusual last name, though.







DH said the servicemember should get notification of changes like that. Of course, I understand your DH might not have gotten the notification b/c of the limited access he had to communications during that time.

SarahB: Welcome! There are several homebirth MW's who will travel to ENC, and one CNM who previously attended homebirths and is going to be attending some...I'm not sure if she's going over to homebirth fulltime or sticking with her current position.

Tricare won't cover a homebirth with a CPM, at least not in NC. They might w/a CNM or OB if you were able to find one to attend your birth.

I thought they didn't do births at Cherry Point & were sending pg moms down here to CLNH for OB care? If you want to stay Prime and don't want to go to a MTF, there are ways to try to do that. If your PCM is out in town, you can probably get a referral to someone out in town for OB care. I wonder about the distance requirements for you as well. I don't remember what they are, and if they are doing births at Cherry Point again it would be a moot point, but otherwise you might be able to get a referral to a provider out in town based on your distance from the MTF.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
MW: That's scary! Makes me thankful for our very unusual last name, though.







DH said the servicemember should get notification of changes like that. Of course, I understand your DH might not have gotten the notification b/c of the limited access he had to communications during that time.

That's what I said, he should've gotten notification. He said when he asked about that he was told no.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
There are several homebirth MW's who will travel to ENC, and one CNM who previously attended homebirths and is going to be attending some...I'm not sure if she's going over to homebirth fulltime or sticking with her current position.

This is good to know. Are they relatively new or just stepped up to fill the void? When I was searching for a MW 3 years ago I only got 2 responses. I might be asking you for names soon, especially for the CNM.







TC will pay for her.


----------



## MovingMomma

They've stepped in to fill the void. Traveling from longer distances...maybe coming out of retirement? I'm not sure if Tricare will cover the CNM, b/c I don't think she'll have physician supervision for homebirths. And I don't know if they'll be filling the void long term or if they are just helping out those who were suddenly w/out a MW.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
They've stepped in to fill the void. Traveling from longer distances...maybe coming out of retirement? I'm not sure if Tricare will cover the CNM, b/c I don't think she'll have physician supervision for homebirths. And I don't know if they'll be filling the void long term or if they are just helping out those who were suddenly w/out a MW.

Ah, gotcha. It's good that they've decided to fill the void but that was my issue before, having to travel a long distance. That's questionable with TC covering the CNM, too. I know the state requires doc backup but the TC handbook just says a TC certified CNM. It doesn't say anything about doc backup.


----------



## sarahb918

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 

SarahB: Welcome! There are several homebirth MW's who will travel to ENC, and one CNM who previously attended homebirths and is going to be attending some...I'm not sure if she's going over to homebirth fulltime or sticking with her current position.

Tricare won't cover a homebirth with a CPM, at least not in NC. They might w/a CNM or OB if you were able to find one to attend your birth.

I thought they didn't do births at Cherry Point & were sending pg moms down here to CLNH for OB care? If you want to stay Prime and don't want to go to a MTF, there are ways to try to do that. If your PCM is out in town, you can probably get a referral to someone out in town for OB care. I wonder about the distance requirements for you as well. I don't remember what they are, and if they are doing births at Cherry Point again it would be a moot point, but otherwise you might be able to get a referral to a provider out in town based on your distance from the MTF.

Thank you for all of the info! I'm honestly not even sure if we'll still be in NC by the time I get pregnant/give birth. The other options are San Diego and Virginia. I guess that's why I haven't done a ton of research on it yet. I would hate to have all of my ducks in a row for NC only to be moved to CA or VA and have to start all over.

I think you're right about Cherry Point not doing births. My friend Lisa gave birth 6 months ago and she mentioned having to drive a ways to get to the hospital. She lives on base so if they did births at Cherry Point she wouldn't have had to drive far.

Right now we're on Tricare Prime, but my PCM and my daughter's Ped are off base. When we went to enroll, their system calculated us to be 42 minutes from base so we are authorized to see civilian providers even though we are on Prime. I have a feeling that we'll be living on base if we get moved to CA or VA (higher cost of living) so I would probably have to switch to Standard to be able to go anywhere other than a MTF.


----------



## sarahb918

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'm in NC. My dh is stationed at Camp LeJeune. I've had a homebirth here.

There is a thread on the Homebirth board about TriCare. TriCare does cover homebirth with a TC certified CNM, NP or MD. You would probably want to have Standard because with Prime the MTF gets to decide whether or not to refer you out. If they can provide you with what they consider sufficient maternity care, they don't have to authorize your referral out. You are not entitled for an outside referral just because you want to have a homebirth. You can still do fee-for-service with Prime without a referral but it costs more. The deductible and cost share/copay are more than with Standard. The problem is that, as far as I know, there isn't any one of those who will attend homebirths in eastern NC. I could not find one and have not heard of anyone since my homebirth. In addition to that, the only CPM I know of who covers your area has gone on sabbatical and I don't know when, or if, she'll be back. I think that's the gist of it. I've actually been contemplating an intended UC if I have another baby. I wouldn't really want to do that but if my only choices are UC or a hospital, I'll choose UC (I think).

Thank you! I will track down that thread and read through it. Trust me, I know (or at least I've heard) how difficult it is to get a referral while on Prime.

I would rather go UC than hospital as well. It's really too bad that we have to feel that way, but after my last hospital experience, I just cannot fight that fight again. I haven't really decided whether I want to do midwife attended or UC. I think it will largely depend on whether or not I find a midwife I "click" with. I would love to see a midwife for whatever prenatal care I may feel I need and then go unassisted for the birth, but I don't know how easy it is to find midwives that are ok with that. A friend of mine in New York found one who was 100% supportive, but I know a lot of them view it as a liability.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sarahb918* 
Right now we're on Tricare Prime, but my PCM and my daughter's Ped are off base. When we went to enroll, their system calculated us to be 42 minutes from base so we are authorized to see civilian providers even though we are on Prime. I have a feeling that we'll be living on base if we get moved to CA or VA (higher cost of living) so I would probably have to switch to Standard to be able to go anywhere other than a MTF.

I've never had Prime so I'm not sure about this but it sounds like it would not be hard for you to get a referral to a civilian provider in this case. Then the only issue for you would be finding a CNM who is either TC certified or willing to get TC certified. She would not have to be an in-network or preferred provider to be TC certified. It's just a procedure TC requires to make sure the provider you choose is licensed and in good medical standing. Almost anyone who has a medical license can get TC certified.


----------



## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I've got my own government bureaucratic mix up to tell you. My dh had to do something with his emergency info today. Not sure if that's normal post-deployment stuff or part of what he has to do for checking out. Anyway, when checking his emergency contact info he noticed that in August, while he was in Afghanistan, his life insurance beneficiaries were changed. So, if he had died while deployed, we would not have gotten his 400K life insurance. It would've gone to some complete stranger in Tennessee, along with his final paycheck. And, when I went to them to tell them they messed up, they would tell me yep and now I have to file a lawsuit.

Turns out that someone with the same last name checked in here in August and whoever was putting the info in the computer accidentally put it under my dh's name. They don't send out any kind of notice when the info is changed. How scary is that? So, now we know it's very important to continually check his emergency info to make sure it's correct.

This happened to us, too, but not as serious. When Huz checked in to Sector Houston from Key West they changed his beneficiary from me to our daughter. Which is fine, but it would have been nice for them to tell him. I got a letter _addressed to me_ telling me that he changed his beneficiary.









Ops normal.


----------



## Alohamelly

It feels like I'm butting in since I haven't been to this thread for so long! We've been so busy! 3 deployments, but we finally got our first VTC last night. It was great. Wish we could do those more often.

Hope everyone else here is doing well. This is my favorite time of year, normally. This year I'm having a hard time getting into the spirit. I'm so burned out and lonely.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
This happened to us, too, but not as serious. When Huz checked in to Sector Houston from Key West they changed his beneficiary from me to our daughter. Which is fine, but it would have been nice for them to tell him. I got a letter _addressed to me_ telling me that he changed his beneficiary.









Ops normal.

Totally. I got a letter, also addressed to me, when my DH divided part of his insurance among me and his mom. But it didn't say his mom. It just said, this is to let you know that your sponsor has divided his insurance between you and two other people! He got nothing.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Totally. I got a letter, also addressed to me, when my DH divided part of his insurance among me and his mom. But it didn't say his mom. It just said, this is to let you know that your sponsor has divided his insurance between you and two other people! He got nothing.









I asked my dh why I didn't get any letter. He said that sometime before they changed his beneficiary they changed his spouse. I wasn't listed as his spouse anymore so I wasn't notified of any changes. Those notifications would've gone to whomever was listed as his spouse, presumably this CPL's spouse.







Someone totally screwed up. I really hope s/he gets fired but I doubt it.

Alohamelly ~ I don't know what VTC is but it seems it's a good thing for you. Oh, I think I just figured out what it is! Video teleconference?







We got one of those when ds3 was born halfway through my dh's 13 month deployment. Holidays can be very hard when your dp isn't home.









If I may ask, what's the significance of the name? We were stationed in HI for 3 years.


----------



## ~Katie~

Welcome to the newcomers that I missed!

We're flying out very early tomorrow morning to NY, really hoping the weather cooperates with this giant storm passing through and we don't have too huge of a delay. We found out last night that DH's grandfather passed away







It was at home in his sleep just like he wanted, but just so sad for him to go before Christmas. DH is taking it okay, which is good.

Happy holidays to everyone!


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I asked my dh why I didn't get any letter. He said that sometime before they changed his beneficiary they changed his spouse. I wasn't listed as his spouse anymore so I wasn't notified of any changes. Those notifications would've gone to whomever was listed as his spouse, presumably this CPL's spouse.







Someone totally screwed up. I really hope s/he gets fired but I doubt it.

Alohamelly ~ I don't know what VTC is but it seems it's a good thing for you. Oh, I think I just figured out what it is! Video teleconference?







We got one of those when ds3 was born halfway through my dh's 13 month deployment. Holidays can be very hard when your dp isn't home.









If I may ask, what's the significance of the name? We were stationed in HI for 3 years.

I call Hawaii home. Even though I'm a military brat, I lived there the longest. I miss it so much!


----------



## annekevdbroek

Hiya Everyone. I lurk around here every so often. I am former active-duty myself and my husband is in the Army. He's currently in Iraq - 3 months into a 6 month tour there. We just got very unexpected PCS orders for Ft. Bragg for when he returns. We were expecting to finish his tour here in D.C. up to his ETS date in 2011. Anyhow, at this point we (me and the kids) will be staying in D.C. while he does the year at Ft. Bragg on his own. Not sure how we will manage financially. However, since we have no desire to move the kids twice in one year and no desire to stay in Ft. Bragg for the long haul - this is the choice we had to make. So, it will be 18 months of separation basically.

At this point we are really hating the number of moves we've had, the disregard for the family and solider's needs. He's 11 years in as an officer. We're done. Just counting the days at this point.

I haven't talked to the kids about it - the 6 year old is having a hard time with Dad gone as it is. I can't imagien telling him it is going to be another year on top of what we have already. It's his second deployment.

Also frustrated by the friends who offer 'support' to us and then fail to come through in any way shape or form when asked for help. Anyone else experience this?


----------



## Maluhia

Katie. I'm so sorry your DH could not be home when his grandfather passed









The moves are aweful and much much too often. DH makes 15 years in May, and at the 11 year part we thought we could hold out to 20 and now, I wish we'd got out economy be damned.

My DD sat today with one of her photo books of her Dad and just cried for him, it was so so so sad and it was while we had other kids and Moms here. I did feel a bit embarassed but managed to hide it and comfort DD. I am certianly not happy with the emotional pain she's going through with the constant here/gone/here/gone/here/gone stuff


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annekevdbroek* 
Also frustrated by the friends who offer 'support' to us and then fail to come through in any way shape or form when asked for help. Anyone else experience this?

Yes. I have experienced this many times. People love to offer to help out, but don't seem to want to follow through.


----------



## Maluhia

ditto on the "help" never panning out


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
ditto on the "help" never panning out









Indeed. I suffered a miscarriage shortly after my DH deployed and needed a D & C. No real help from anyone except my parents (who came out from CA for three days) and my neighbor, whose DH is also deployed with mine. My in laws have a serious problem with my DH being in the military in the first place, so their support is sporadic and half-hearted at best. FIL has made a point of avoiding us for the holidays, which really hurts my DSs







.


----------



## annekevdbroek

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Indeed. I suffered a miscarriage shortly after my DH deployed and needed a D & C. No real help from anyone except my parents (who came out from CA for three days) and my neighbor, whose DH is also deployed with mine. My in laws have a serious problem with my DH being in the military in the first place, so their support is sporadic and half-hearted at best. FIL has made a point of avoiding us for the holidays, which really hurts my DSs







.

I'm sorry for your losss Soul-O.

I know that sometimes the lack of support stems from many people not really realizing what the military culture and lifestyle are like. We don't live in housing, so all our neighbors are civilians. I think often they just don't understand what it is like on a family to have all these moves and deployments year after year. I hear friends complain when their husbands are out of town for 3 or 4 days.

I guess people are also full of good intentions with little follow-through - in other words, people are failable. It is disappointing though to reach out for help and not receive it.

On that note, several neighbors have said they would come today and help me clear the 2+ feet of snow out of my driveway.







I hope that it happens - I am currently literally snowed in.


----------



## MarineWife

I'm an introvert so I don't see or talk to many people who could offer me help. I have also never really had a reason to ask for much help. We had a close knit Marine Corps group when we lived on base in Hawaii. When we moved here we lived on base, initially, and I expected the same thing but it was much different. There was rarely anyone around. I never saw kids outside playing. I felt very isolated. We moved out in town and it's been the complete opposite. My neighbors, who are mostly former Marine Corps, are very helpful. We always chat when we see each other out. My neighbor across the street would drive his lawn mower over to mow our lawn when he was done with his, even when my dh was home. My next door neighbor will watch my kids for me at the drop of a hat if I need to do something. The single guys across the street invite me over for holiday BBQs and offer to help with moving heavy stuff or fixing my fence. It's been very nice, especially since they aren't military now. My dh also just told me today that the Colonel and XO from the unit he just checked out of said that I could call them for anything I might need while he's gone.


----------



## nia82

I have a Tricare question... We are assigned to the base with a PCM there. While he is friendly, he is totally overbooked and the staff on phone is, well unfriendly to put it politely...
I noticed a UTI on Wed and called to get an urgent care referral and they didn't get back to me. I called Thurs and they said oh they have 72 hours to react, too bad, you gotta wait. I was transferred back and forth, nobody wanted to be responsible, nobody wanted to listen that it was urgent (I have had a kidney infection already this year, I have to take UTIs seriously). Then DH came home and he called and managed to get to a TS who actually listened and I finally could go to urgent care. My point after this is, can I file a grievance to get a civilian PCM? I used to have one in CA and it was so nice, they react right away, see me right away or put in referrals asap. This was not excusable what happened, I suffered from an acute infection an nobody got me that darn referral already. Where do I start? Do I go to JAG? I have no clue! But I am super sick of those, sorry, bozos. The med clinic is slow, doesn't listen and is rude all the time.


----------



## MarineWife

yes, you can file a grievance and, yes, you can ask for a civilian pcm. they do not have to grant the request. i don't know the procedure where you are but at the naval hospital here you file the grievance with the hospital. they have a patient advocacy department. my neighbor works at the one here. I can't say whether or not it does any good. I've never used it. I do think you should file a grievance no matter what. Whomever is in charge needs to know that the employees are being rude and uncaring when it comes to people's health.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Indeed. I suffered a miscarriage shortly after my DH deployed and needed a D & C. No real help from anyone except my parents (who came out from CA for three days) and my neighbor, whose DH is also deployed with mine. My in laws have a serious problem with my DH being in the military in the first place, so their support is sporadic and half-hearted at best. FIL has made a point of avoiding us for the holidays, which really hurts my DSs







.

We've never met, but I'm close by and I do mean it when I say if you need help with anything, I'm here!


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
I have a Tricare question... We are assigned to the base with a PCM there. While he is friendly, he is totally overbooked and the staff on phone is, well unfriendly to put it politely...
I noticed a UTI on Wed and called to get an urgent care referral and they didn't get back to me. I called Thurs and they said oh they have 72 hours to react, too bad, you gotta wait. I was transferred back and forth, nobody wanted to be responsible, nobody wanted to listen that it was urgent (I have had a kidney infection already this year, I have to take UTIs seriously). Then DH came home and he called and managed to get to a TS who actually listened and I finally could go to urgent care. My point after this is, can I file a grievance to get a civilian PCM? I used to have one in CA and it was so nice, they react right away, see me right away or put in referrals asap. This was not excusable what happened, I suffered from an acute infection an nobody got me that darn referral already. Where do I start? Do I go to JAG? I have no clue! But I am super sick of those, sorry, bozos. The med clinic is slow, doesn't listen and is rude all the time.

You should file a complaint through ICE. http://ice.disa.mil/

Also, the next time you can't get an appointment, ask for the patient advocate and they will get you in to be seen.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
We've never met, but I'm close by and I do mean it when I say if you need help with anything, I'm here!









Aww thanks Melly! I've been meaning to get in touch with you. Perhaps we can meet up over the holidays??


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Aww thanks Melly! I've been meaning to get in touch with you. Perhaps we can meet up over the holidays??

Anytime! My oldest is actually going to visit her dad in Hawaii for a week after Christmas. I'm going to be on my own with the 2 little ones. It's going to be so hard!


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## EdnaMarie

Not much time to post, but in short, we are going SOON and have shipped our car... two more boxes to send USPS, and then wheee! We're on the plane in our Christmas clothes.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Not much time to post, but in short, we are going SOON and have shipped our car... two more boxes to send USPS, and then wheee! We're on the plane in our Christmas clothes.

















That must be a relief for you.

My dh is now officially driving me crazy.







We've gotten through the honeymoon period and now having to go through all the little annoyances getting under our skin stage. By the time we work through that, he'll be gone again.

I'm having some issues and concerns with some things that I'm not sure I can mention on here. I don't know how to process some things that my dh has done and how he's reacted to them. It's not really what he's done. I understand that some things are necessary, the nature of the beast. It's his reaction, or lack thereof, that disturbs me. I was deeply disturbed by some of the talking/joking that went on at a party we went to over the weekend with some other guys from his unit (who were not over there with my dh, by the way, so did not directly experience these things). I hope it's just their way of handling everything and they don't really think or feel the way they acted like they do because, if they did, it would make them no better than the guys they are fighting.


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## kristenok18

Marinewife, my dh has been deployed yet, but he's been at many courses where the majority of the class has been. He has been shocked as well to hear the way some talk/joke about horrific things, but since he hasn't gone yet, doesn't feel he has any right to say anything about it. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to listen to that (of course, I'm assuming you heard things similar to what dh heard, if I missed the mark, my apologies!). Dh thinks it's a coping mechanism, too, but it's still hard to hear that.







as you navigate these waters.


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## MarineWife

kristen ~ Thank you. My dh has been deployed 4 times but only one other was in battle, his first. I don't recall hearing the same kind of talking/joking then. I had to leave the room so that I didn't say something that would have probably been taken the wrong way.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
kristen ~ Thank you. My dh has been deployed 4 times but only one other was in battle, his first. I don't recall hearing the same kind of talking/joking then. I had to leave the room so that I didn't say something that would have probably been taken the wrong way.











I think it just kinda wears on the guys after awhile. Even the kindest, gentlest, most loving person becomes somewhat hardened from the combat experience IMO. We have some friends who describe their battles overseas in very graphic, calloused terms, yet are the nicest people you'd ever want to meet. I agree that this type of talk can be a coping mechanism; however, if you think your DH is amenable, perhaps he should talk to the Chaplain about his experiences.


----------



## MarineWife

Thanks, Tabitha. He doesn't seem to be very interested in talking to the Chaplain. I've mentioned it to him several times for various things. I do see a marriage and family counselor regularly and he comes with me when he can. He took my appointment this week and went to see her by himself. I think they only talked about how to improve communication in our marriage, though, not about his deployment or combat. We've been talking about it a bit more and I'm not as disturbed with is reactions and responses as I was.

Him being hardened by his experiences is exactly what I'm worried about. I don't want him to lose his sense of humanity, ya know?


----------



## Just1More

I keep typing and deleting; it's hard for me to talk about this. Hard to find the words.

I don't think many of them come back hardened to all things, against humanity in general. Some do come back with an angry and passionate hate for those they were fighting. My dh says that is a constant battle within him, and something he prays a lot about. He advised my nephew who is considered joining to remember not to hate. But it's hard. It takes a lot of passion and emotional energy to fight, and to keep that adreneline high for so long.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Just1More* 
Some do come back with an angry and passionate hate for those they were fighting.

This is one thing that I have a very difficult time with. I should probably give some background on myself. I grew up in an almost hippie environment when it came to war and peace and fighting and the military. Both my parents were members of Unitarian Universalists. I went to Montessori school (all about peace). I have a "Cultivate Peace" magnet on the back of my car. My mom has a, "War is Not the Answer" bumper sticker on hers. I was very anti-military in late teens. Most of the people who knew me then can't believe that I'm married to a Marine. He wasn't a Marine when I married him, though. He was an accountant and part-time personal trainer.









It really bothers me that they refer to the people they are fighting as "the bad guys". I know they need to. They are trained to see them that way. If they didn't, they might not be able to do what's necessary. I especially don't like it when my dh does that in front of the kids. I don't want my kids seeing people as either good or bad. That's all relative, kwim? I'm sure the Taliban think of our guys and us as the bad guys. Who's right? It all depends on your POV. If I brought that up with any of the guys my dh works with, they'd probably hate me, too. They'd say I support the enemy. They'd say I was anit-American, unpatriotic. They can't see the other side.

I'm in the wrong crowd for me. That's why I avoid most of my dh's work functions. I can handle his work friends on an individual basis because they don't usually get into that kind of talk. When they are together as a group, though, they do and I just can't take it. I wonder how much different it is for the guys who see direct combat and the guys who don't. Are there any guys who aren't involved with or at least witness combat up close and personal?


----------



## annekevdbroek

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
It really bothers me that they refer to the people they are fighting as "the bad guys". I know they need to. They are trained to see them that way. If they didn't, they might not be able to do what's necessary. I especially don't like it when my dh does that in front of the kids. I don't want my kids seeing people as either good or bad. That's all relative, kwim? I'm sure the Taliban think of our guys and us as the bad guys. Who's right? It all depends on your POV. If I brought that up with any of the guys my dh works with, they'd probably hate me, too. They'd say I support the enemy. They'd say I was anit-American, unpatriotic. They can't see the other side.


I totally get what you are saying. And I don't like my DH to talk that way either. However, I think it goes beyond being "trained to see them that way.' These soliders are in combat - where they see their friends killed and wounded. The people that do that to their friends are understandably perceived as being "bad." I think that has little to do with the cause or justification for the war, etc. and more to do with the realities of being in a situation where another group of people (identified by their religion, enthnicity, or nationality, or whatever) is actively trying to hurt you. If someone was trying to hurt your family or whatever you'd probably call them 'bad guys' too.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annekevdbroek* 
I totally get what you are saying. And I don't like my DH to talk that way either. However, I think it goes beyond being "trained to see them that way.' These soliders are in combat - where they see their friends killed and wounded. The people that do that to their friends are understandably perceived as being "bad." I think that has little to do with the cause or justification for the war, etc. and more to do with the realities of being in a situation where another group of people (identified by their religion, enthnicity, or nationality, or whatever) is actively trying to hurt you. If someone was trying to hurt your family or whatever you'd probably call them 'bad guys' too.

Thanks for understanding. I see your point. I'm sure being on combat reinforces the idea that they are bad guys but it was put there before he experienced combat. My dh referred to them as bad guys long before he was ever deployed. I don't know that I'd say someone who tried to hurt me was bad. I really do try to avoid that type of labeling. I might say they are crazy, which probably isn't any better. Maybe it is. It's still a label but doesn't carry the same purposefulness of evil.







Does that make sense?


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Thanks for understanding. I see your point. I'm sure being on combat reinforces the idea that they are bad guys but it was put there before he experienced combat. My dh referred to them as bad guys long before he was ever deployed. I don't know that I'd say someone who tried to hurt me was bad. I really do try to avoid that type of labeling. I might say they are crazy, which probably isn't any better. Maybe it is. It's still a label but doesn't carry the same purposefulness of evil.







Does that make sense?

My DH has been referring the enemy as the "bad guys" for a good long time as well. However, my DH is the type of guy who reads everything he can and does a lot of research on his own (i.e. outside of what the Army requires), and thus he came to this conclusion based on his own study of middle east relations and the Taliban. DH is also Jewish by birth, and became a born again Evangelical Christian as an adult, so his religious perspective plays a part in how he views the current conflicts.

In some ways, I think the "labeling" of the enemy makes it easier to protect yourself and your battle buddies when in a combat situation. The people you are fighting will not rest until you are dead, so there is no purpose in treating them as anything but armed and dangerous. Sad, but true.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
The people you are fighting will not rest until you are dead, so there is no purpose in treating them as anything but armed and dangerous.

This is true. I like armed and dangerous much better than bad or even enemy.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
This is true. I like armed and dangerous much better than bad or even enemy.

I think it's sufficient to view the other guys as armed & dangerous as well.


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## EmmaWoodhouse

Hello again ladies. Sorry I have been mia for so long. I can't get on here much because it takes time away from the dc. Dh is leaving next Tuesday for Camp Shelby. We moved about 3 weeks ago and already got snowed in for a week. Well, me and the dc did. DH had a truck to get him to work. However, now that it is getting close for him to leave, I have been getting really depressed. I hate being depressed, but I keep crying and don't have energy to do anything. I guess part of that has to do with being 6mo pregnant. I guess I am posting because I don't really have anyone I can talk to about all this and needed a bit of support.

I hope everyone got to enjoy their Christmas.

Julie


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 

I was deeply disturbed by some of the talking/joking that went on at a party we went to over the weekend with some other guys from his unit (who were not over there with my dh, by the way, so did not directly experience these things). I hope it's just their way of handling everything and they don't really think or feel the way they acted like they do because, if they did, it would make them no better than the guys they are fighting.

I can speak to this as someone who worked in a conflict zone as an aid worker. I'm not sure what exactly they were saying, but I do know, for example, that I'm now able to talk without any emotion about some pretty awful stuff. I just cannot feel for 13 million women on that level. I just can't. I don't have all that emotion. If I cried for one, I would just never stop. There is quite a bit of gallows humor that is inherent in jobs in conflict zones.

I don't know what your husband was saying that bothered you in particular, of course, but I do know that it's possible to really harbor bad feelings about the enemy and not about the local population in general. But you're not going to put that disclaimer when you're briefing your buddies about what you did.

Not to defend, of course, racist jokes or anything if that what was going on. But if he has to process it on a superficial level I don't think that means nothing deeper is going on.


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## ~Katie~

New thread!

Sorry it's taken me so long. Liam came down with a wretched stomach bug a day after we got home from NY, and then Laine and I got it a couple of days later. We are all mostly recovered today but it is not how I envisioned ringing in the new year.

Welcome to the newcomers that I missed! Short intro: I'm Katie, wife to Andrew who is an officer in the Army. Stationed at Fort Bragg until summer 2011. Originally from Upstate NY.

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas and happy new year! Looking forward to a better year in 2010!


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## ~Katie~

New Thread!!!


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## Just1More

Ooo...yuck...sorry about the stomach bug. We were just around some other people with it and I really started pushing the Vit C. I'm not sure we're in the clear yet, but I'm hopeful. It's awful to do that on your own!


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## Soul-O

Sorry about the bug, Katie. Most of our neighborhood (us included) caught one back in November after attending a deployed spouses potluck at the home of someone who happened to be getting sick. It was pretty miserable having to care for four sick kids, then sick me







. However, I considered it "character building" to have gotten through it on my own - I don't do well with vomit!

For the new moms, here's my intro:

I'm Tabitha, wife to Stephen (also an Army officer). We are stationed at Fort Lewis, WA, where 75% of the resident troops are currently deployed, including my guy







. We have four boys ranging in age from 10 to 22 months. I am a SAHM and also an FRG leader. We will be here until my DH starts his MI Captain's Career Course, which should be sometime in 2011.

Looking forward to a 2010 that is full of joy and good times!


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## Just1More

Ever seen that Calvin and Hobbs where Calvin (who is shoveling snow) says, "How come every time I build character, Dad saves money?" OT, I know...sorry.

Good job on keeping your perspective, Soul-O. It's the only way to get through it all...

I guess I've not really introduced myself. I'm kinda limited on what I can say because dh interprets OPSEC very narrowly. That said...

I'm me







, married to a Marine Corps officer, who just completed his 3rd deployment. We've had 3 babies and 3 combat deployments in 4 years. (So, our kids are dd4, ds2, and dd10 months). We are about to PCS, but we don't know where, or for how long.

Sorry for the lack of juicy details...


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## Alohamelly

Hey! Coming to sub to the new thread. Not much going on around here. Just missing my DH is all!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Sorry about the bug, Katie. Most of our neighborhood (us included) caught one back in November after attending a deployed spouses potluck at the home of someone who happened to be getting sick. It was pretty miserable having to care for four sick kids, then sick me







. However, I considered it "character building" to have gotten through it on my own - I don't do well with vomit!

For the new moms, here's my intro:

I'm Tabitha, wife to Stephen (also an Army officer). We are stationed at Fort Lewis, WA, where 75% of the resident troops are currently deployed, including my guy







. We have four boys ranging in age from 10 to 22 months. I am a SAHM and also an FRG leader. *We will be here until my DH starts his MI Captain's Career Course, which should be sometime in 2011.*

Looking forward to a 2010 that is full of joy and good times!

We might end up in AZ together!!!


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## ~Katie~

Character building - Honestly, when dealing with vomit and diarrhea and all of that nastiness I'm glad DH isn't here because I'd have one more person to take care of. We're lucky that it didn't last very long and the kids didn't do too badly. I honestly felt like death warmed over for about a day and a half though, and my carpets are in desperate need of a cleaning.

We have a ball to go to the week DH gets back so that has become my new-found motivation to lose the rest of the baby weight. I started back with the pilates yesterday and got my butt kicked but it was good. Breastfeeding just isn't doing its job this time around so it's time to get serious in losing these last 20 pounds.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
We might end up in AZ together!!!

It would be awesome to be at FHAZ together! I actually kinda like AZ, and it's close enough to my parents that we can either drive to see them, or take the one hour flight from Tucson to San Diego. Fingers crossed







. Sorry that your carpets are in poor shape from the virus







. I used that Resolve spray cleaner (not eco-friendly, but it sure works) to get the nasties out of our cheap carpet after my guys had the bug, and it worked pretty well.

JK - I understand the need for OPSEC. My DH is usually pretty picky about what I disclose online, but he's OK with names and general locations. Now, troop locations.. not so much







. Nice to meet you, and welcome!

Melly - Good to see you again! I'll be joining your MeetUp group today.


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## EdnaMarie

Are they kidding?

If you are in Germany, what do you do? They have whole wheat OR organic everything. Like, you can't be too healthy.









And the vegetables and fruits... ack. I got two moldy garlic heads already. I know I should and can take it back, but realistically, with no car and two small children, that's just not going to happen, kwim?

I know one German lady and she took us shopping and she is supposed to hook us up with a mill in the area but I think they were traumatized by going shopping with us and the kids. Eeek.

Advice?


----------



## ~Katie~

Tabitha - I enjoyed Arizona as well, that's where we were before we came to Fort Bragg. It's a great distance to other places that make good weekend trips and Arizona has a certain kind of character about it that I really enjoy. We went to Sea World one weekend while there and it was a lot of fun







As for the carpets, I ended up buying a carpet cleaner shortly after Laine was born because Liam decided to dump a 96 load bottle of detergent into the living room carpet, so it shouldn't be too much of a hassle to get the nasties out.


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## 4JMJ

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this group. My husband is also an officer in the Army, we are at FT Bragg right now (for at least another 16 months, then ???). We, like Katie, are also from upstate NY. So needless to say,we are really not missing the 3 plus feet of snow they have right now LOL!
We have 4 kids - 9, 7, (almost)6, and 3 mos. Looking forward to being a part of the group!


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## gagin37

subbing! hope everyone had a happy new year. not much new with us. thinking a bit more about life after the airforce and what that might bring.


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## ~Katie~

Welcome, Teri! Where-about's in upstate NY are you from? I'm definitely not missing the snow either, my MIL messaged me today and said "Be glad you're not in NY right now, it's been snowing for days!" Glad to see another Fort Bragg mama here!


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## 4JMJ

I grew up in Rome, and we lived in Syracuse for 9 years before coming here. How 'bout you?


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## ~Katie~

I grew up in Potsdam and we went to college there







My DH calls West Point home but he's an Army brat.


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## nia82

I wish I could be in Germany. It's so unlikely though for DH to get an assignment there. Darn.

DH is an officer in the AF. We have one DS, no deployments and none coming the next 4 years, he counts as deployed in place or something... DH is from San Francisco and I'm German (no we didn't meet cause he was military, he was an exchange student in Munich!).


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## MangoMommy

Aloha from Pearl Harbor! Navy family here!


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## EdnaMarie

Welcome all newcomers!


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## Maluhia

Aloha....leading up to our next deployment we are settling in. I think it will be so much harder with a 5 year old who can really miss her father


----------



## Just1More

Okay, here's a different sort of question. Anybody know much about the Coast Guard? Dh is thinking of transfering...


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## MovingMomma

BIL is a Coastie. He did 4 years with the Marines, got out for a few, then went in the Coast Guard.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
Aloha....leading up to our next deployment we are settling in. I think it will be so much harder with a 5 year old who can really miss her father









I was just thinking about this the other day and how much harder it must be with an older child who is more aware and comprehends the feelings surrounding it. It is for that reason alone I'm dreading future deployments.


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## blessed2bmommy

Just found this thread! I am a Marine wife stationed at Quantico. We have a DD, 15 months and expecting in June.

How do I sub to a thread?


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessed2bmommy* 
Just found this thread! I am a Marine wife stationed at Quantico. We have a DD, 15 months and expecting in June.

How do I sub to a thread?

Welcome! Click on "Thread tools" at the top and then "Subscribe to thread"


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I was just thinking about this the other day and how much harder it must be with an older child who is more aware and comprehends the feelings surrounding it. It is for that reason alone I'm dreading future deployments.









My three oldest (almost 10, almost 7, 3.5) are acutely aware of daddy being gone, and no amount of contact from him changes that reality. However, after the initial adjustment period following DH's departure, we really started working together and bonding as a family temporarily headed by me. My older two are helping more around the house and with their younger brothers, and they are much better at playing creatively with each other than they were prior to the deployment. So, as much as deployments are difficult, there can be a silver lining to that dark cloud.


----------



## 4JMJ

Katie, my brother and SIL both went to college at Potsdam!


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## beautifulnm

Excuse me for being dramatic, I will blame the hormones.. But here goes.. I am hoping someone will have some insight with what I'm dealing with.

Anyways, as I posted in another thread I've ended up having an appointment at Tripler AMC with a LTC who determined I am going to have a C-section based on my weight gain (I have gained 28 lbs, she claimed 15 lbs weight gain in two weeks, apparently I gained a mysterious 15 lbs and lost it promptly after the visit when I weighed myself on two different scales. I was not obese or anything prior to pregnancy nor do I have gestational diabetes) because "that's what the literature says," that "excessive" weight gain leads to babies that are apparently too large to birth vaginally. (I came out of pocket and went for an ultrasound out in town, my son's estimated weight was 3.5 lbs, on target for his gestational age.) Additionally, apparently an acceptable weight for my child is 7 lbs while I explained my DH was 10 lbs at birth (vaginally, naturally delivered by a very slight Japanese lady) and I was 8 (again, vaginally, naturally delivered, but my mother is 5'10"). I'm not a midget, I'm 5'5", I don't have health problems, I have an uncomplicated pregnancy and this woman was really trying to tell me I was going to end up with a C-Section due to weight gain. So I made a complaint and vice having a patient rep or someone follow up with me the LTC herself called me and first told me that she didn't say I was going to have a C-section (when that's what she told me verbatim) and followed on with how she doesn't like to harp on weight but then said appropriate maternal weight gain is 20-25 lbs. Then, thank God







she told me there was "no bad blood" between us and if I wanted to remain in the midwife program I could. Wow, how accomodating of you. However the fact remains if she is on duty when I go into labor regardless of what midwife I primarily see for prenatal care she could be at the helm, deciding something warrants a C-section because some chop-happy "literature" says so. So I am doing research, I went to my PCM for a referral to Kapiolani which is "in network" and as a TriWest representative confirmed on the phone with me an uncomplicated pregnancy can go to a freestanding birth center. Then some nurse at the PCM's office calls me an informs me "just because" I want to go to Kapiolani doesn't mean I can and short of a complication that requires a specialist at Kapiolani I won't receive a referral. Further research says my PCM can be any in network provider accepting new patients. I talked to another TriWest representative who said that was true and said we could change my PCM to a midwife at Kapiolani right then and there, I almost cried tears of joy, then she transferred me to another woman who says because I'm active duty I am going nowhere. My mood swings are bad enough without getting conflicting information at _every single turn._ I just wanted to reply with, so, since I'm active duty I can go f.... myself and there's no reason to educate myself because you guys will just do whatever the f... you want to me and my birth experience is basically just an institutionalized event and not a huge milestone in my life.. but if I was a dependent wife, not actually serving the country directly, you'd have no problem paying for that? How about I am a wife to a member of the armed services too, I'm still not worth as much to you as a dependent wife???

So, my question is, are any of you active duty and have experience with getting out of treatment at a MTF and seeing a real midwife instead of some officer who apparently takes "literature" into account, not her experience as a midwife and addresses apparent weight issues by threatening an operation that is unwanted instead of asking pertinent questions like are you going to the gym, are you eating pounds of sweets or are you eating healthy?

Thanks in advance. And thanks for reading my tirade.


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beautifulnm* 
Excuse me for being dramatic, I will blame the hormones.. But here goes.. I am hoping someone will have some insight with what I'm dealing with.

Anyways, as I posted in another thread I've ended up having an appointment at Tripler AMC with a LTC who determined I am going to have a C-section based on my weight gain (I have gained 28 lbs, she claimed 15 lbs weight gain in two weeks, apparently I gained a mysterious 15 lbs and lost it promptly after the visit when I weighed myself on two different scales. I was not obese or anything prior to pregnancy nor do I have gestational diabetes) because "that's what the literature says," that "excessive" weight gain leads to babies that are apparently too large to birth vaginally. (I came out of pocket and went for an ultrasound out in town, my son's estimated weight was 3.5 lbs, on target for his gestational age.) Additionally, apparently an acceptable weight for my child is 7 lbs while I explained my DH was 10 lbs at birth (vaginally, naturally delivered by a very slight Japanese lady) and I was 8 (again, vaginally, naturally delivered, but my mother is 5'10"). I'm not a midget, I'm 5'5", I don't have health problems, I have an uncomplicated pregnancy and this woman was really trying to tell me I was going to end up with a C-Section due to weight gain. So I made a complaint and vice having a patient rep or someone follow up with me the LTC herself called me and first told me that she didn't say I was going to have a C-section (when that's what she told me verbatim) and followed on with how she doesn't like to harp on weight but then said appropriate maternal weight gain is 20-25 lbs. Then, thank God







she told me there was "no bad blood" between us and if I wanted to remain in the midwife program I could. Wow, how accomodating of you. However the fact remains if she is on duty when I go into labor regardless of what midwife I primarily see for prenatal care she could be at the helm, deciding something warrants a C-section because some chop-happy "literature" says so. So I am doing research, I went to my PCM for a referral to Kapiolani which is "in network" and as a TriWest representative confirmed on the phone with me an uncomplicated pregnancy can go to a freestanding birth center. Then some nurse at the PCM's office calls me an informs me "just because" I want to go to Kapiolani doesn't mean I can and short of a complication that requires a specialist at Kapiolani I won't receive a referral. Further research says my PCM can be any in network provider accepting new patients. I talked to another TriWest representative who said that was true and said we could change my PCM to a midwife at Kapiolani right then and there, I almost cried tears of joy, then she transferred me to another woman who says because I'm active duty I am going nowhere. My mood swings are bad enough without getting conflicting information at _every single turn._ I just wanted to reply with, so, since I'm active duty I can go f.... myself and there's no reason to educate myself because you guys will just do whatever the f... you want to me and my birth experience is basically just an institutionalized event and not a huge milestone in my life.. but if I was a dependent wife, not actually serving the country directly, you'd have no problem paying for that? How about I am a wife to a member of the armed services too, I'm still not worth as much to you as a dependent wife???

So, my question is, are any of you active duty and have experience with getting out of treatment at a MTF and seeing a real midwife instead of some officer who apparently takes "literature" into account, not her experience as a midwife and addresses apparent weight issues by threatening an operation that is unwanted instead of asking pertinent questions like are you going to the gym, are you eating pounds of sweets or are you eating healthy?

Thanks in advance. And thanks for reading my tirade.


Wow. That is truly appalling. What a shame. I'm not sure there's much you can do to get TriWest to cover the birth you want since you are active duty. I think it really stinks how active duty pregnant mothers aren't always given the same options as a dependent.
It seems like your best option would be to forego any kind of TriWest coverage and just pay it all out-of-pocket if you can afford it. I made the mistake of having a military hospital birth even though I wanted a homebirth. I didn't think we could have afforded it. If I had known just how truly important a better birth would have been for me, I would have slapped a credit card down so fast without a second thought. A little bit of debt would have been SO worth it. But hindsight is 20/20.
Birthing Centers/Homebirths are usually a fraction of the cost of hospital births and some will offer discounts to those paying in-full out-of-pocket or will offer payment plans.
Good luck with it. I hope it works out for you how you want it.


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beautifulnm* 
Excuse me for being dramatic, I will blame the hormones.. But here goes.. I am hoping someone will have some insight with what I'm dealing with.

Anyways, as I posted in another thread I've ended up having an appointment at Tripler AMC with a LTC who determined I am going to have a C-section based on my weight gain (I have gained 28 lbs, she claimed 15 lbs weight gain in two weeks, apparently I gained a mysterious 15 lbs and lost it promptly after the visit when I weighed myself on two different scales. I was not obese or anything prior to pregnancy nor do I have gestational diabetes) because "that's what the literature says," that "excessive" weight gain leads to babies that are apparently too large to birth vaginally. (I came out of pocket and went for an ultrasound out in town, my son's estimated weight was 3.5 lbs, on target for his gestational age.) Additionally, apparently an acceptable weight for my child is 7 lbs while I explained my DH was 10 lbs at birth (vaginally, naturally delivered by a very slight Japanese lady) and I was 8 (again, vaginally, naturally delivered, but my mother is 5'10"). I'm not a midget, I'm 5'5", I don't have health problems, I have an uncomplicated pregnancy and this woman was really trying to tell me I was going to end up with a C-Section due to weight gain. So I made a complaint and vice having a patient rep or someone follow up with me the LTC herself called me and first told me that she didn't say I was going to have a C-section (when that's what she told me verbatim) and followed on with how she doesn't like to harp on weight but then said appropriate maternal weight gain is 20-25 lbs. Then, thank God







she told me there was "no bad blood" between us and if I wanted to remain in the midwife program I could. Wow, how accomodating of you. However the fact remains if she is on duty when I go into labor regardless of what midwife I primarily see for prenatal care she could be at the helm, deciding something warrants a C-section because some chop-happy "literature" says so. So I am doing research, I went to my PCM for a referral to Kapiolani which is "in network" and as a TriWest representative confirmed on the phone with me an uncomplicated pregnancy can go to a freestanding birth center. Then some nurse at the PCM's office calls me an informs me "just because" I want to go to Kapiolani doesn't mean I can and short of a complication that requires a specialist at Kapiolani I won't receive a referral. Further research says my PCM can be any in network provider accepting new patients. I talked to another TriWest representative who said that was true and said we could change my PCM to a midwife at Kapiolani right then and there, I almost cried tears of joy, then she transferred me to another woman who says because I'm active duty I am going nowhere. My mood swings are bad enough without getting conflicting information at _every single turn._ I just wanted to reply with, so, since I'm active duty I can go f.... myself and there's no reason to educate myself because you guys will just do whatever the f... you want to me and my birth experience is basically just an institutionalized event and not a huge milestone in my life.. but if I was a dependent wife, not actually serving the country directly, you'd have no problem paying for that? How about I am a wife to a member of the armed services too, I'm still not worth as much to you as a dependent wife???

So, my question is, are any of you active duty and have experience with getting out of treatment at a MTF and seeing a real midwife instead of some officer who apparently takes "literature" into account, not her experience as a midwife and addresses apparent weight issues by threatening an operation that is unwanted instead of asking pertinent questions like are you going to the gym, are you eating pounds of sweets or are you eating healthy?

Thanks in advance. And thanks for reading my tirade.

How stressful! You should not have to deal with this during your pregnancy. I'm sorry you got stuck with someone like that.

If it were me and I ran out of options, I'd probably just go along with everything and then show up at the hospital at the very last minute - meaning the baby is coming out now! They can't force you to have a C-section. How ridiculous. I gained 60-75lb with each of my pregnancies. That's just normal for me. Although, during my last pregnancy, I got a lot of comments about my weight and they were worried I had GD, which I didn't. I know what's normal for me and since it was my third kid (5th pregnancy though), I was able to ignore them for the most part.


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## Alohamelly

BTW, I had my first child at Tripler. I gained 75lbs during that pregnancy. I started out underweight, but no one said anything to me. It was not my best birth, but I had heard they were a lot better now!


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## LeslieB

Hi! I'm Leslie, another at Fort Bragg. My dh is Army enlisted. He's been in for 6 years and can't wait to get out in April 2011. After that, I don't know what we're doing, but hopefully, we'll have a plan this time next year.









We have one son, John, who's almost 4.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
My three oldest (almost 10, almost 7, 3.5) are acutely aware of daddy being gone, and no amount of contact from him changes that reality. However, after the initial adjustment period following DH's departure, we really started working together and bonding as a family temporarily headed by me. My older two are helping more around the house and with their younger brothers, and they are much better at playing creatively with each other than they were prior to the deployment. So, as much as deployments are difficult, there can be a silver lining to that dark cloud.

That sets my mind at ease. I think emotionally it can be a lot harder on us to observe our children in this situation, but they do a good job of reminding us of how resilient they are.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
Wow. That is truly appalling. What a shame. I'm not sure there's much you can do to get TriWest to cover the birth you want since you are active duty. I think it really stinks how active duty pregnant mothers aren't always given the same options as a dependent.
It seems like your best option would be to forego any kind of TriWest coverage and just pay it all out-of-pocket if you can afford it. I made the mistake of having a military hospital birth even though I wanted a homebirth. I didn't think we could have afforded it. If I had known just how truly important a better birth would have been for me, I would have slapped a credit card down so fast without a second thought. A little bit of debt would have been SO worth it. But hindsight is 20/20.
Birthing Centers/Homebirths are usually a fraction of the cost of hospital births and some will offer discounts to those paying in-full out-of-pocket or will offer payment plans.
Good luck with it. I hope it works out for you how you want it.









That is what I'd recommend if you can swing it, most will work on a payment plan or at a fraction of the cost since you wouldn't be entering care at the beginning of your pregnancy. I ended up paying out of pocket for a homebirth, and while my homebirth turned UC, it was a much better experience than what I could have received at the hospital. Sometimes its just easier to detour around the bureaucratic BS entirely rather than attempting to work with a broken system.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinsetta2* 
Katie, my brother and SIL both went to college at Potsdam!

Small world!


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## nia82

Wow that's terrible.... Hugs to you and I hope you get it sorted out. I don't know your rights since you are active duty. DH isn't allowed to even have is teeth whitened off base without prior pink sheet submission to his PCM and asking for it. He cannot even buy glasses off base without prior permission. But he is on PRP, so you prolly have way more rights as normal active duty. Let us know what happens!

On another note... Does anybody know the 2010 BAS rates yet? I cannot find them anywhere! Thanks!


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## beautifulnm

I actually ended up e-mailing a doula here, I'm just going to come out of pocket the $500 and hold off on going to the ER as long as possible. It seems like a lot but I think it's going to be worth it, especially after reading birth stories she attended. Additionally I read that in an emergency you can go to the nearest medical facility without prior authorization. Boy I sure do love Ala Moana mall.. and I still have some things to buy before baby comes..... cough, cough....


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## EdnaMarie

I just had to give a







to you, Beautifulnm. I am so sorry about that hospital. Where do they find these midwives??? I wish you all the best.


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## Maluhia

IF you do switch out don't go to Kapiolani - it's UBER busy and you'll have more luck with a natural birth at Queens. Best would be Castle BUT I don't think they will let you transfer to there as an AD. If you CAN transfer out of Prime to a PCM in town do Dr. Eesha R. Bhattacharyya.

The ONE big complaint at Tripler these days is that the head midwife at the program is very weight discriminatory towards Moms. If you go in 10 lbs. overweight to start they might not even take that Mom at all. Take a great Doula (Patti Edwards might be great in that she works at Tripler with the classes and is well respected, strong personality) and be ready to fight for your rights (have your DH and Doula prepared as fighting in laborland is HARD).

The midwives that used to deliver at Castle are now all at Kaiser, so that is out







However....if I wanted a natural birth on island using Tricare today I'd do Dr. Eesha at Castle or Queens with a GOOD long-working doula, someone who is not on her 10th birth but more like 100th at least. Patti Edwards, Tammy Uva, Elizabeth Lee are three that come to mind.


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## EdnaMarie

Speaking of TriCare, anyone stayed standard in Germany? I'm still weighing my options. I liked one doc here (don't want to discuss real names online) but the other, not so much. I've heard that German docs are super thorough- almost to a fault. I hate the idea of the lack of choice with Prime. To my mind, Prime is like communist health care, whereas Standard is more like socialism. However, we are trying to be frugal and I don't want to pay co-pays if we're never going to get care on the economy, anyway.

Thoughts? We're in Baumholder, not far from Kaiserslautern.


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## Justice2

Hi all! I am Laura. DH is Army enlisted and in about 2 years I will be Army (Reserves) officer (keeping fingers crossed!). We have two children. Justice is our 14 year old and Kaeleb is our 6 year old. DH is currently serving his second deployment, along with 80% of our base. We are stationed at Hunter Army Airfield, after doing time at Drum. I make that sound bad, but I really, really miss it there! Savannah is just too...much....


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## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beautifulnm* 
I actually ended up e-mailing a doula here, I'm just going to come out of pocket the $500 and hold off on going to the ER as long as possible. It seems like a lot but I think it's going to be worth it, especially after reading birth stories she attended. Additionally I read that in an emergency you can go to the nearest medical facility without prior authorization. Boy I sure do love Ala Moana mall.. and I still have some things to buy before baby comes..... cough, cough....










EXACTLY...they will not transfer a woman in labor.









I went Standard (because I'm a wife and yes, it's total BS that they have AD by the balls basically) but I'd consider completing your care w/Tripler and perhaps shop at Ala Moana or better yet...be up in Kailua for delivery day. I delivered at Castle (covered 100% by Tricare) and it was a great experience...jacuzzi tubs, view of the mountains heck even the food was great LOL.

Or perhaps you could get a midwife and pay out of pocket and then go walk the malls on delivery day but of course you'll just get who is available but you can request a midwife perhaps?

Castle nurses told me that Kap is a baby factory but it is the place to go if you are worried about complications.


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## Maluhia

Having recently been at Kap with my nephew I would NEVER deliver there. Baby factory is a reasonalbe way to describe the business there. My midwife friend who used to work there told me she'd delivered women in things like broom closets because it's SO SO SO full.


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## RunningMomTegan

Hi, ladies... I'm new to MDC and saw the military thread... Had to post! I'm currently active duty, but start my terminal leave in May. We're due with our second in July. I see quite a few posts about fighting the Army system for having a baby. I had my first at a great civilian hospital with a little manipulation.

Anyone at Fort Bragg? We'll be moving in June for my husband to complete the Civil Affairs selection course.

TIA!









Tegan


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## ~Katie~

Welcome, Tegan! Lots of Fort Bragg mama's here!


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## Sarah W

We FINALLY got to WA! It's so nice to be back!

I'm Sarah, married to Jesse. We're both AD SFCs in the Army. We just came back to WA after being stationed in Key West for the last 3 years. DH is a Ranger and I'm an Intel Analyst. We have 1 daughter named Addison and 2 dogs, Bailey and Daisy.

We got here Monday night/Tuesday morning. Our builder left a key hidden for us. Our HHG came in Thursday, so we've been trying to unpack. Our house is a disaster. DH signs in tomorrow and I sign in Feb 10th.

Welcome new mommas!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
We FINALLY got to WA! It's so nice to be back!

I'm Sarah, married to Jesse. We're both AD SFCs in the Army. We just came back to WA after being stationed in Key West for the last 3 years. DH is a Ranger and I'm an Intel Analyst. We have 1 daughter named Addison and 2 dogs, Bailey and Daisy.

We got here Monday night/Tuesday morning. Our builder left a key hidden for us. Our HHG came in Thursday, so we've been trying to unpack. Our house is a disaster. DH signs in tomorrow and I sign in Feb 10th.

Welcome new mommas!

Glad you made it there, Sarah! I hope moving in goes quickly for you!


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## FiveLittleMonkeys

Hi! I don't post much, but I do read...

I'm Jen, here in Hawaii with my 5 kids while dh is off in the desert. We've been here over 4 years now.

A little about my experience with Tripler midwives....when we had our last babe, I originally went to the midwives there, got "risked out" because of having too high of a BMI (despite having had a prior homebirth and completely normal pregnancies). I ended up seeing a midwife and planning another homebirth, but ended up delivering at Tripler at a little less than 33 weeks due to some complications. The antepartum care, labor, and delivery experience was TERRIBLE, but my son's care in the NICU was first rate (and I'm a former NICU nurse).

Anyway, I'm also a (currently non-practicing) doula, and have been to some awesome births at Tripler, but it really depends on your provider. Some are great and will let you labor in peace and some want to micro-manage every detail.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
We FINALLY got to WA! It's so nice to be back!

I'm Sarah, married to Jesse. We're both AD SFCs in the Army. We just came back to WA after being stationed in Key West for the last 3 years. DH is a Ranger and I'm an Intel Analyst. We have 1 daughter named Addison and 2 dogs, Bailey and Daisy.

We got here Monday night/Tuesday morning. Our builder left a key hidden for us. Our HHG came in Thursday, so we've been trying to unpack. Our house is a disaster. DH signs in tomorrow and I sign in Feb 10th.

Welcome new mommas!

Hey Sarah:

If it's not too OPSEC to disclose, what unit are you with? My DH is in the one main MI BN at Lewis (currently deployed en masse), so I thought you might be temporarily assigned to the Rear D of his unit. Anyhow, great to welcome you back to WA and Lewis. I hope you get settled in comfortably and enjoy your time here.


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## mmgrimm

My name is Marie...we are stationed here at Ft Lewis...and I have 2 boys! My baby just started the special needs PS here...so now I have lots of free time!

EdnaMarie- we stayed prime but requested (well demanded) a referral to a dr on the economy for OB and Peds! I hope u have found some good markets...I hated grocery shopping at the commissary there!


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## EdnaMarie

Marie- You said it! We are working some connections to try to get to a mill that's 1 hr away by car, to buy fresh milled flour and some other organic items, because we cannot afford the economy. I have a referral to a dr. in standard, maybe I can get it switched to a dr. on the economy. I just have to find that doctor.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
My name is Marie...we are stationed here at Ft Lewis...and I have 2 boys! My baby just started the special needs PS here...so now I have lots of free time!

EdnaMarie- we stayed prime but requested (well demanded) a referral to a dr on the economy for OB and Peds! I hope u have found some good markets...I hated grocery shopping at the commissary there!

We really should have a Ft. Lewis get together one of these days. There seem to be so many of us here!


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hey Sarah:

If it's not too OPSEC to disclose, what unit are you with? My DH is in the one main MI BN at Lewis (currently deployed en masse), so I thought you might be temporarily assigned to the Rear D of his unit. Anyhow, great to welcome you back to WA and Lewis. I hope you get settled in comfortably and enjoy your time here.

I'm actually not sure yet. Originally I was assigned to 1st Corps, but when I got my orders, it had been changed to 1/25 Stryker. I have no desire to be assigned there, I was w/ 3/2 Stryker from 99-06 (with the exception of a year in Korea) and have no desire to go back to that type of unit.

A commander in Key West called the CSM of 1st SFG, who said they'd be happy to take me. They were going to do a by name request, but I had already come up on orders. The CSM told me to come over there before I sign into post and they'll try to get me moved. The only pain is that I'd have to go to airborne school, which I'm not a big fan of. So, we'll see.


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## milimama

Wanted to introduce myself!
I'm an Army wife and mom of 5.
We're currently at Ft. Jackson finishing up Drill Sgt duty.
We'll be at Bragg next month when hubby gets back from SFAS (if he doesn't make it we'll still go via branch).

Anywho, I'd love to meet like-minded mamas!


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## mntnmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Marie- You said it! We are working some connections to try to get to a mill that's 1 hr away by car, to buy fresh milled flour and some other organic items, because we cannot afford the economy. I have a referral to a dr. in standard, maybe I can get it switched to a dr. on the economy. I just have to find that doctor.

You made it! You'll have to fill me in on this mill! I've heard of it, but never been able to get the full info. Looks like you are getting around just fine.
As for OB care, I switched my Tricare plan and am seeing a German midwife. But for everything else, we've actually gotten pretty good care, especially if we can get referred to Landstuhl.


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## AuburnBeth

Introducing myself: married to an Army man, currently in AZ, just entering the 90-day window to leave for Alabama.
Starting to do major research to prep for an overseas move this fall.









Any suggestions on what to google for vaccination requirements for: 1. country entry 2. school entry?

DH wants to avoid another "nut roll" situation (his words, but I agree!)


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## AuburnBeth

Oh, and just wanted to add: I gained at least 60 lbs with each of my pregnancies, had first at a conventional military hospital (Ft Campbell), had the second at home (Ft Gordon), but was able to have two wonderful unmedicated, posterior(!) normal births.

We did have a very unhelpful nurse at our MTF birth. Now, I'd know to tell her to leave. Then, I was in transition. And I *do* think it helped that we didn't arrive until I was 10 cm (and the boogerbutt still didn't arrive for 5 hours!)

Hiring a doula who is knowledgable about your desires is *hands down* a smart move. MHO.


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## lalemma

Hi mamas: my husband is former Army AD/now a reservist, and he'll be spending the bulk of the first six months of 2010 in various schools. We're first-time parents to a newborn, a perfectly healthy little guy who arrived 7 weeks early due to sudden-onset eclampsia. In a bizarre way I guess that's a blessing - at least we had two months all together before DH had to leave. But I'm still kinda grumpy about temporary single-mama-hood, to be honest.









The baby boy and I are wintering in Central NY. I'm from California, so I am completely freaked out all the time about the snow. I must come up with some kind of indoor exercise program to do when the baby naps (bonus points if it can be done while wearing him - seriously, I would buy a DVD of such a thing) or I may just lose my mind.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I'm actually not sure yet. Originally I was assigned to 1st Corps, but when I got my orders, it had been changed to 1/25 Stryker. I have no desire to be assigned there, I was w/ 3/2 Stryker from 99-06 (with the exception of a year in Korea) and have no desire to go back to that type of unit.

A commander in Key West called the CSM of 1st SFG, who said they'd be happy to take me. They were going to do a by name request, but I had already come up on orders. The CSM told me to come over there before I sign into post and they'll try to get me moved. The only pain is that I'd have to go to airborne school, which I'm not a big fan of. So, we'll see.

I don't blame you for wanting to avoid the 3/2, especially since you've been down that road before! 1st SFG sounds pretty cool. My DH had wanted to go SF, but felt that he was too old. One of our good friends was a CI agent with SF in Japan, and did some pretty high speed work while SF. It's an exciting unit for sure. Best of luck in getting that choice assignment







.


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## annekevdbroek

Dropping in to say hi to this month's thread. My DH is an Army officer, currently deployed to Iraq and due back in March. Unfortuantly, he is due to PCS to Ft. Bragg shortly after he returns for his last year in the service. Me and the kids are staying put, as we intend to remain living in our current place long =0term. So, that will be another year apart.

I am feeling particulary run-down being a single-mom lately. Started work 3 days per week very shortly after DH deployed. Just overwhelmed and tired and not getting any respite.

*Sigh* its been a long day.

Off to do more laundry.


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## EdnaMarie

Hi Anne(?). Good for you for getting to work. Whenever I feel run-down I think of my mom, who was a single mom with a single paycheck. So sorry you can't join your husband at his next station.


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## ~adorkable~

hi ladies, wanting to check in and since we are reintroducing ourselves....

Im a Army wife to a combat medic hubby, sergeant. We're posted at Ft Lewis, yeah we need to all do coffee or something soon! DH is happily home after spending last year in iraq, his 2nd deployment there.

we are working on starting our family and have been for 2 years now, the deployment didn't help, not that we have had much luck even when he's home. Nothing is clearly wrong with either of us, ('cept probably age) so we plug along. Monday is our 4th anniversary. It will be great to finally have one with him home.....

That is if my dh is even in the country, his unit got put on notice for the next few days for them to maybe go to Haiti. His unit are combat stress specialists, they would be going down to help all the aid and rescue work in critical stress debrief, i really important tasking, they are looking at taking just the single soldiers, but dh and i talked about it and in the first 30 seconds agreed that this was more important than any hassle it was on us. hell i would smuggle myself in his luggage if i thought i could get away with it. I'm a Search and rescue volunteer and a radio dispatcher, so i so wish i could go help.


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## kristenok18

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
we are working on starting our family and have been for 2 years now, the deployment didn't help, not that we have had much luck even when he's home. Nothing is clearly wrong with either of us, ('cept probably age) so we plug along. Monday is our 4th anniversary. It will be great to finally have one with him home.....

I just wanted to jump in and say, even if it appears nothing is wrong, since you've been ttc for 2 years (even with deployments), it can't hurt to go get some basic testing done. That's the one blessing of tricare, that they cover quite a bit of fertility testing/procedures. The only things they won't cover are the actual IUI (and sperm prep) and IVF. They do cover tests, bloodwork, ultrasounds, medications. I'm in that boat right now, and wishing I had not only sought help sooner, but been more proactive about treatment early on.


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## nia82

Grrr they are making DH get the swine flu shot today. He's getting that paper to go off-base to Safeway since he doesn't want the mist because he'll take the GRE tomorrow and really cannot be sick for that... So much running around: get the permission on base for off-base treatment, get the frigging obsolete shot, go back and have the paperwork processed.
I'm so glad I do not have to deal with any of the CDC people ever and DS will attend preschool off-base, a loveley, well-rated and not expensive Lutheran preschool that couldn't care less whether you vaccinate or not and doesn't ask any questions. Yeah









A question for you spouses: did a PCM on base ever try to tell you to get vaccinated? Hasn't happened to me yet and they have no medical records of me (previous PCM was civilian and couldnt care less).


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## EdnaMarie

Well, we vaccinate, but my younger did have to get "caught up" according to what is apparently the Texas schedule, since she was on the Washington State schedule before. I don't know why everything has to do with Texas. It pisses me off. Anyway. Yes, she did, but nobody has cared about me being vaccinated. I have had so many shots I had to write in the margins of my WHO card but they're probably all the wrong ones. 

They have, however, asked for a pap smear a month.







Drrrrr.


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## nia82

A pap per month??? What's that supposed to be good for? Sounds like some sort of data collection. Even when I was on the pill my ob wanted to do paps every 6 motnhs only to mae sure there are no cysts.


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## EdnaMarie

No, it's just that they keep asking for me to do a PAP because the last one isn't recent enough, or hasn't been transferred, or whatever! I haven't given them one. LOL.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
The baby boy and I are wintering in Central NY. I'm from California, so I am completely freaked out all the time about the snow. I must come up with some kind of indoor exercise program to do when the baby naps (bonus points if it can be done while wearing him - seriously, I would buy a DVD of such a thing) or I may just lose my mind.

Wii Fit!! I do some of the exercises with my baby in the sling and boy, what a workout!


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kristenok18* 
I just wanted to jump in and say, even if it appears nothing is wrong, since you've been ttc for 2 years (even with deployments), it can't hurt to go get some basic testing done.

oh i'm so on that. I have been seeing folks for various things since we started, since the first cycle we started turned into a 101day anovulatory cycle that had to be ended with progesterone pills.
since then i finally got in with the RE clinic and i have been getting everything in shape, i now cycle well and both of us have been tested for just about everything. i do have mild pcos and mild insulin resistance, so i have been working really hard on my full big picture health. last cycle was our 2 year mark and we did a IUI for the first time. We will do another one in Feb if we need to. but yeah i am a very proactive woman in everything in life and this is no different, maybe even more so, now that i am 35 and would strongly like more than one child

thanks for thinking of me


----------



## ~Katie~

Adorkable. I remember when you guys started the TTC journey, I will have my fingers crossed and keep sending baby vibes to you!

We passed the 90 day mark. Am I seriously going to have my husband back, really? This year has had so many ups and downs. I didn't think it was possible to experience the entire spectrum of human emotion in such a short time. I have emerged from this a COMPLETELY different person that's for sure. I'm nesting and getting the house in order, I've been decorating and buying furniture and such. The living room has been turned into man land, complete with 47 inch TV and new entertainment center and recliner so he is looking forward to coming home to that. My bedroom has been turned into mama's cozy zen sanctuary (aka the padded room) and I love it.

Those of you who have savings plans: We're thinking of getting an IRA, I know a lot of people do the thrift savings plan. We're currently using a high yield savings account and the kids have their savings accounts, but I'd like to make our money do more for us. Anybody have advice on what they do for savings/investment?


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 







Adorkable. I remember when you guys started the TTC journey, I will have my fingers crossed and keep sending baby vibes to you!

We passed the 90 day mark. Am I seriously going to have my husband back, really? This year has had so many ups and downs. I didn't think it was possible to experience the entire spectrum of human emotion in such a short time. I have emerged from this a COMPLETELY different person that's for sure. I'm nesting and getting the house in order, I've been decorating and buying furniture and such. The living room has been turned into man land, complete with 47 inch TV and new entertainment center and recliner so he is looking forward to coming home to that. My bedroom has been turned into mama's cozy zen sanctuary (aka the padded room) and I love it.

Those of you who have savings plans: We're thinking of getting an IRA, I know a lot of people do the thrift savings plan. We're currently using a high yield savings account and the kids have their savings accounts, but I'd like to make our money do more for us. Anybody have advice on what they do for savings/investment?

LOVE the man land / mama's cozy den idea! My living room is currently kid zone, so I think I'll borrow your idea for when DH comes home.

As far as investing is concerned, we use the TSP at this point, and are considering a Roth IRA. I would suggest looking at the Fidelity or Vanguard websites for some ideas on IRAs and investing in no load mutual funds. Given your investment horizon (i.e. years until retirement), I think you can afford to be a little more aggressive with your investments. I would also suggest talking to a financial planner about your plans & goals so that you can have a plan in place, especially because your DH will be leaving AD at some point and looking for civilian employment. FWIW, I worked in financial services for about 8 years on the operations/compliance side (i.e. not a sales person), so I have a little knowledge about this subject.

HTH!


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
oh i'm so on that. I have been seeing folks for various things since we started, since the first cycle we started turned into a 101day anovulatory cycle that had to be ended with progesterone pills.
since then i finally got in with the RE clinic and i have been getting everything in shape, i now cycle well and both of us have been tested for just about everything. i do have mild pcos and mild insulin resistance, so i have been working really hard on my full big picture health. last cycle was our 2 year mark and we did a IUI for the first time. We will do another one in Feb if we need to. but yeah i am a very proactive woman in everything in life and this is no different, maybe even more so, now that i am 35 and would strongly like more than one child

thanks for thinking of me

Hey Adorkable: Do you to the clinic on 3 North? I am seen there as well for RPL, and have been happy with the level of care and service I receive. If you don't mind my asking, where did you get your IUI done, and did you bank sperm? My DH is planning to bank sperm for us if we need IUI (he had a vas reversal and will likely have a low sperm count at some point in the future), and we aren't sure of where to go.

TIA!


----------



## kirstenb

Hey all! It's been awhile since I've posted, been busy with a newborn and toddler! I'm Kirsten, wife to a Marine working in San Diego. I'm on maternity leave now so I am enjoying spending time with my kids.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Those of you who have savings plans: We're thinking of getting an IRA, I know a lot of people do the thrift savings plan. We're currently using a high yield savings account and the kids have their savings accounts, but I'd like to make our money do more for us. Anybody have advice on what they do for savings/investment?

I have a 401(k) through my job and DH has a TSP account. With our tax return money we are going to open up a Roth IRA account with Vanguard. My dad and grandparents all have experience with Vanguard and really like it. Most accounts with them have an initial investment minimum of $3000 which is why we are using our tax return for that. We also have a a checking/savings account and a savings account for DS1 but don't get a great interest rate on them.


----------



## Alohamelly

We will be doing the Roth IRA through USAA soon. Right now all we are doing is the TSP.


----------



## nia82

We have Roth IRAs with Vanguard and are happy with it so far (customer service, etc). The cap is $5,000 per year per person you can put into it. We used to have 401Ks with our old jobs, but used that money to rather invest in the Roth IRAs.


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hey Adorkable: Do you to the clinic on 3 North? I am seen there as well for RPL, and have been happy with the level of care and service I receive. If you don't mind my asking, where did you get your IUI done, and did you bank sperm? My DH is planning to bank sperm for us if we need IUI (he had a vas reversal and will likely have a low sperm count at some point in the future), and we aren't sure of where to go.

TIA!

yeah i use the re clinic at madigan, now we really need to get that coffee sometime!! for the most part i like th care i have gotten there, if i have any issue with it its that they are very narrowly focused and seem to care more about getting me pregnant than getting me healthly. its ok, im a pretty procative person and im comited to being more whole body with other doctors.

We did our IUI at SRM the tacoma office and i liked their overall feel and the care i got quite a lot. the other clinic around is GYFT Clinic and i have heard multiple iffy things about then including from folks at the Madigan RE. we did not need to do sperm banking but im sure they do that too. they also do acupuncture and i and looking at if i can afford that. I'm not sure how they compare cost wise with other options.


----------



## Sarah W

Gyft clinic does do sperm banking. We went with them and didn't have any problems. DH had testicular cancer 3 years ago and after surgery but before radiation we banked sperm. It was a little over $100, plus yearly storage costs.

They do blood work prior. They'll also do a test thaw to see how much of his sperm survives. I guess some men have sperm that can't be banked because the freezing kills them.

Once we got pg, we had it destroyed.


----------



## ~adorkable~

glad to know Gyft worked out for you, they are open weekends where SRM is not so if i ended up O'd on a weekend i might have to go over to them instead.

*Question ladies?* anyone ever get Tricare to pay for acupuncture? or fertility acupuncture?


----------



## Soul-O

Thanks for the info, Adorkable (on both threads







!). After looking at the reviews for both clinics, I think SRM is probably the better choice. I'll talk to the Madigan folks this week to get their opinions as well. DH wants to bank his good stuff while he's on R & R next month so that I can try IUI while he's gone. Time is kinda important because of my age (36) and also because my health is much better in general when I'm pregnant. I have an autoimmune condition that goes into remission when I'm expecting, and for about six months after the baby is born (until he/she starts eating some solids and I'm not exclusively breastfeeding), and 15 months of good health is nothing to sneeze at.


----------



## ~Katie~

Thanks for all of your input, definitely going to look into Roth IRA's when DH gets home!

Tabitha - This is the first house I have ever really decorated and they actually put some decent thought into how it was built so I'm enjoying putting my decorating ideas to good use. The kid's toy room is a little hide-out under the stairs off the living room, their toys still wander out there but I've come up with some good hidden storage solutions. I really wanted a romantic, comfy, feminine kind of bedroom for myself and I'm very happy with how it turned out. After all the stress and chaos during the day it's nice to crash in there.


----------



## hdeering

Hey ladies,

I just saw this over at diaperswappers.

Ladies, please help out with this effort! I know I'm not alone in paying out of pocket for my home birth simply because of the initials after my midwife's name. I know many women who were less fortunate than I and could not have the birth of their choice because Tricare would not cover their birth team and they could not afford to pay out of pocket.

"The corrected link is: http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/jsp/questions/feedback.jsp

Quote:
For those who are new to this effort, I am leading the Midwives Alliance in
getting TRICARE to cover DEM services. Such discussions with TRICARE began
back in May. After much discussion it is certain that only CPMs, not DEMs
in general, will be considered by TRICARE in becoming authorized providers.
This is a TRICARE decision, not one made by the Midwives Alliance.

The process to even begin reviewing CPMs as authorized providers has not
officially begun, yet. My contact at TRICARE has not heard a need for CPMs
by their "constituents" (those with TRICARE). I told him about the emails I
get from TRICARE families, and he said he is not hearing this need.

So, it is time for him and TRICARE to hear the need for CPMs to be covered
by TRICARE. He said that anyone with TRICARE wanting CPMs to be covered
needs to send in that request for the need for CPMs to be authorized
providers at:
http://tricare. mil/mybenefit/ jsp/questions/ feedback. jsp

THEN, please copy and paste what you have written in the feedback form and
email that, with any identifying information you are willing to share, to
[email protected] org

I will fax the emails you send to me directly to my contact in a big batch,
because I know that there is great need for CPMs to become authorized
providers in the CFR (their TRICARE regulations) .

Please disseminate this, far and wide.

Tammi McKinley, CPM
Virginia"


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hdeering* 
Hey ladies,

I just saw this over at diaperswappers.

Ladies, please help out with this effort! I know I'm not alone in paying out of pocket for my home birth simply because of the initials after my midwife's name. I know many women who were less fortunate than I and could not have the birth of their choice because Tricare would not cover their birth team and they could not afford to pay out of pocket.

"The corrected link is: http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/jsp/questions/feedback.jsp

Quote:
For those who are new to this effort, I am leading the Midwives Alliance in
getting TRICARE to cover DEM services. Such discussions with TRICARE began
back in May. After much discussion it is certain that only CPMs, not DEMs
in general, will be considered by TRICARE in becoming authorized providers.
This is a TRICARE decision, not one made by the Midwives Alliance.

The process to even begin reviewing CPMs as authorized providers has not
officially begun, yet. My contact at TRICARE has not heard a need for CPMs
by their "constituents" (those with TRICARE). I told him about the emails I
get from TRICARE families, and he said he is not hearing this need.

So, it is time for him and TRICARE to hear the need for CPMs to be covered
by TRICARE. He said that anyone with TRICARE wanting CPMs to be covered
needs to send in that request for the need for CPMs to be authorized
providers at:
http://tricare. mil/mybenefit/ jsp/questions/ feedback. jsp

THEN, please copy and paste what you have written in the feedback form and
email that, with any identifying information you are willing to share, to
[email protected] org

I will fax the emails you send to me directly to my contact in a big batch,
because I know that there is great need for CPMs to become authorized
providers in the CFR (their TRICARE regulations) .

Please disseminate this, far and wide.

Tammi McKinley, CPM
Virginia"

Sent, thanks for the head's up!


----------



## nia82

Done. Written Tricare. I hope they respond... I also tried to point out how homebirth would save them money and hence the taxpayer... Let's see what happens.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
Done. Written Tricare. I hope they respond... I also tried to point out how homebirth would save them money and hence the taxpayer... Let's see what happens.

I mentioned that as well. I think most straight-forward vaginal hospital births average around $4000 or something like that? My home birth cost a little over half of that, my hospital birth with DS was less but that's because my insurance at the time had a cap on what they covered for midwives ($1700 I believe).


----------



## MissNo

Just popping in to introduce myself! Married to a Marine, currently stationed in Virginia, after a lovely stint in California.


----------



## nia82

The hospital billed $25,000 to Tricare and they paid like 3K. I never saw a bill for the obgyn/midwife practice, I suppose they got a set premium for having me as prenatal/birth patient.


----------



## iamleabee

hi mamas,

ds is activated army reserves--about to go to the desert for six months. it's hard because we live in an area with no army! seriously! he travels for drills. the biggest problem i see (besides some of the obvious) is cooking. i hate to cook, and ds (15 mos) could live pretty happily on peanut butter sandwiches. i know i have to do better than that, at least most of the time.







.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamleabee* 
hi mamas,

ds is activated army reserves--about to go to the desert for six months. it's hard because we live in an area with no army! seriously! he travels for drills. the biggest problem i see (besides some of the obvious) is cooking. i hate to cook, and ds (15 mos) could live pretty happily on peanut butter sandwiches. i know i have to do better than that, at least most of the time.







.

Hi there









If you don't like to cook, start finding recipes that require very simple preparation and pretty much cook themselves. It's really easy to fall into the rut of getting take-out and drive-through every day so if you can find 2 week's worth of recipes you can swap through that will make it easier. Casseroles and crock-pot recipes are very easy and don't require much in the way of preparation, check out the meal planning forum for more ideas!


----------



## iamleabee

thanks for the suggestion. i will definitely check that out...i can definitely see ourselves falling into the takeout/drive-thru rut.


----------



## JLKMneely

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
Aloha....leading up to our next deployment we are settling in. I think it will be so much harder with a 5 year old who can really miss her father









We are going through that right now! I have to say this is the toughest thing I have every had to do. My DD turned 5 Christmas Day and my DH left the day after. I am really struggling, she crys every day







I feel so bad!!


----------



## RunningMomTegan

Not to hijack the thread, but I need some recommendations from Bragg mamas on good on-post midwives at Womack? I'm Active Duty, so off-post isn't exactly an option given my circumstances.

I'll be giving birth there in July very soon after a PCS, and need to start coordinating someone to assume my care. I like someone who's laid back, friendly, and views pregnancy as an exciting journey, not an illness...

Any reccs?


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RunningMomTegan* 
Not to hijack the thread, but I need some recommendations from Bragg mamas on good on-post midwives at Womack? I'm Active Duty, so off-post isn't exactly an option given my circumstances.

I'll be giving birth there in July very soon after a PCS, and need to start coordinating someone to assume my care. I like someone who's laid back, friendly, and views pregnancy as an exciting journey, not an illness...

Any reccs?

I hope someone has a good recommendation for you! I started my pregnancy there with my son, with the midwives and I didn't care for anyone I saw. Actually, I almost always saw the same woman and she kept harping on me to drink at least a gallon of water a day! lol


----------



## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JLKMneely* 
We are going through that right now! I have to say this is the toughest thing I have every had to do. My DD turned 5 Christmas Day and my DH left the day after. I am really struggling, she crys every day







I feel so bad!!

Not sure if this will help out much, but DH did a year and some in Korea when DD had just turned 6, came home for a month, and then headed to Hawaii for 6 months before we arrived. She was getting good at the spelling thing (or at least, giving it a good try with what she thought it should be), so we would let her type her own emails and instant messages to Daddy. Some of them were hard to decipher, but it was their way of talking about what happened each day. It not only let her stay in touch, it also helped her vocabulary-- by the time he came home, she was almost a full grade level ahead with her reading/writing!

Another thing that helped her, was building a "Daddy Do List" while he was gone. Any time she thought of something she would like to do with him, she wrote it down in a journal type book. When he came home on leave between Korea and Hawaii, they tried to do things on the list when possible. Some of the stuff was small, like watching a movie with him, and some of it was impossible, like going to the pool (it was November, in Ohio! BRRR!!!). Then, the list was added to during the following 6 months, and repeat the process when we arrived in Hawaii.


----------



## Maluhia

Nice ideas, thanks









DH has little to no working email and certainly no phone contact for the six months he's gone so I tend to be the secret "other end" for DD sending postcards "from Daddy" and such.

I'm in a funk because we (DD and I) were woken by DH's loud a.m. routine today, then he reminded me it's predeployment night for the families but that the command (him) had not managed to arrange childcare but the children are welcome to come to the *supposedly* 2 1/2 hour meeting starting at 7 p.m. on a school night :eyeroll AND I'm sure I'll be ignroed yet again by the CO (the only guy above my husband) while all the other volunteers will be lauded for all the work they do, when I'm....wait for it.....the mentor to all of them. Yep, I love having a Geo Bachelor for a CO for my husband's command. NOT to mention the argument we had when I reminded him that the blunt talk and preparedness that will be discussed at this event are not even mildly appropriate for children who are old enough to comprehend the upcoming deployment and that my daughter will certainly not be attending. Oh yeah, and I get house guests today. Total non-military punk rock vegan friends from 15 years ago, my life is going to be such a dichotomy in the next week.


----------



## ~Katie~

Maluhia - I'm sorry to hear that about the CO, he sounds a lot like ours. I hope this deployment goes by quickly for you and the visit with your friends goes smoothly.

Got word last night that DH is headed out with the first group of folks coming home, so he'll be leaving sometime in March. I'm glad to know at least one thing has gone our way. Now that we are at the end if feels like the time is just streeeetching on.


----------



## vesper0

Hi Ladies,

I don't know if I am posting this in the right spot. I didn't see a January 2010 thread. So, I am just passing this info on that I received from another military mother. Currently, Tricare only covers CNM's which often do not attend homebirths in the majority of states. Although, there have been a few CPM's who managed to get Tricare to reimburse them as authorized providers that is not how the language is written under current covered benefits. Those cases are the rare exception. If you are interested in making your voice heard to get CPMs covered under Tricare please read the below information.

Now is the time to get out letters to Tricare to let them know that you want
them to reimburse Certified Professional Midwives (CPM). A group of
midwives with the help of Midwives Alliance of North America are working
hard to get Tricare coverage for CPMs. Here is an excerpt from the
organizer of this effort and how you can help:

The process to even begin reviewing CPMs as authorized providers has not
officially begun, yet. My contact at TRICARE has not heard a need for CPMs
by their "constituents" (those with TRICARE). I told him about the emails I
get from TRICARE families, and he said he is not hearing this need.

So, it is time for him and TRICARE to hear the need for CPMs to be covered
by TRICARE. He said that anyone with TRICARE wanting CPMs to be covered
needs to send in that request for the need for CPMs to be authorized
providers at:
http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/jsp/questions/feedback.jsp

THEN, please copy and paste what you have written in the feedback form and
email that, with any identifying information you are willing to share, to
[email protected]

I will fax the emails you send to me directly to my contact in a big batch,
because I know that there is great need for CPMs to become authorized
providers in the CFR (their TRICARE regulations).

Please disseminate this, far and wide.

Tammi McKinley, CPM
Virginia


----------



## appifanie

Hi! Ft. Bragg here too! Moved 2 or 3 months ago - it's all a blur. We live on post. Husband got back from Iraq in October, is in Cali for a month now, some other stuff, then he goes to Afghanistan in August (maybe May). My daughter is 3 and we both used to have tons of friends up north (we were living in ME/NH) and now we are lonely lonely lonely!!


----------



## MarineWife

Hi everyone. Somehow I totally missed this new thread until I got the email today with the post about CPMs and TC. I was wondering why the old one was so quiet. I sent in my feedback to TC. Hope they will listen as I hope to be having a baby sometime next year.


----------



## ~Katie~

Fort Bragg mama's - Would anybody be interested in starting a SMALL group now that the weather is getting better? There seem to be quite a few of us here on MDC, so groups with 3 or 4 of us at a time could be fun







It doesn't have to be highly organized or anything, just some time to hang out and make friends.


----------



## ~adorkable~

here is the january/February thread, come on over!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1#post14995531


----------



## iamleabee

hi mamas

has anyone here had to break a lease under soldiers and sailors relief act? dh is going for 6 mos--but more likely 12mos. i'm considering moving to be closer to family. my lease won't be up for 16 more mos. the SSRA looks pretty clear cut in terms of being able to break the lease w/o penalty, but what do i know?

thanks


----------



## ~Katie~

All DH needed to get was a copy of his orders and show them to the landlord, we had to abide by the lease which was to give a 30 day notice but after that we were excused from the lease without penalty.


----------



## 4JMJ

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Fort Bragg mama's - Would anybody be interested in starting a SMALL group now that the weather is getting better? There seem to be quite a few of us here on MDC, so groups with 3 or 4 of us at a time could be fun







It doesn't have to be highly organized or anything, just some time to hang out and make friends.

Count us in! We live in Hope Mills, but would be happy to come on post for get-togethers! I am home during the day with DS (4 mos). DD1 (9), DD2 (7) & DS (6) are in school during the day. Does anyone attend the LLL meetings on post? I was thinking of checking it out in Feb...


----------



## ~Katie~

Claire goes to the LLL meetings I believe. I've wanted to go but it always slips my mind!


----------



## ~adorkable~

yeah i have gotten out of a lease too, since the rental company i dealt with was so used to military families, she didn't even bother with asking for the orders. just wanted to know what day they said they were for.

if you have any questions, there is usually housing advocates on post and they will help you or stand up for you if you get given any grief.


----------



## ~adorkable~

so i just need to vent and you are the ladies that can stand in my shoes, so thanks ahead of time for listening or at least patiently scrolling past.

dh has prepare to deploy orders for Haiti, we have no idea what-so-ever if or when they will go and if they do for how long. no idea what-so-bleeeepin-ever

although i am so very happy to think that he and his unit could help something so worthy, this disruptive timing is hitting me just when i dont have the footing to deal with it.

we are now 2 years into still not getting pregnant, we so want to start our family and the last deployment sure didn't help (not like him being back is doing much better)

we have had some turbulent times here in the last month or two and a lot of that has been me coming to terms with my feeling of having given up sooo much to move to BFE and be his army wife. This is a choice that i can be a lot happier with when he is here and i get the good side of my choice to balance out the things i gave up. but the times he has been gone (and it has been a ton) have been really hard. Not because i dont do good on my own, i am hugely independent, but because i am stuck up here away from my independent life, feeling like i have been put on hold.

at least last time since i knew at least vaguely when he would be back, i packed up and traveled and did things and say friends and family and actually really enjoyed parts of it. this time i have no idea of a timeline, and may not till we are in the middle of it and we are finally in a great house so i will not be pulling up roots. I can still travel, but not nearly as much as i was using the rent money we were saving last time to afford lodging and stuff.

and then there's the baby thing, again. i just cant believe that at 35 and childless i'm being put in a holding pattern again! and when we started to talk in the last few days about sperm banking and me doing IUI's while he was gone, i get the gut feeling that this is a line that i'm very unhappy about crossing, the IUI is ok, i've come to accept that we may need that to get preggo no matter what, but the doing it all when he is not by my side, let alone is not even in the country, just seems so disjointed.

and that we may only have days to figure it out or it may be dragged out to many weeks and then get told to stand down and it was all for nothing, i just dont know what to do or got to get thru it. i'll get thru it im sure, but right now i just dont see how.


----------



## mntnmom

Adorkable, I know how it feels to be "put on hold". *My* plan pre-DH was to set up my career, do dangerous exciting things, and then get married and have kids. He is older, and my career prospects are dim... so I did things in reverse to follow him. But I can only imagine what it's like to walk away from the career, and then constantly get jerked around trying to have kids!







I know it's an indefinate period that he'll be away, but try to plan something for you, at least to take your mind off of things.


----------



## MarineWife

Adorkable. I know what you mean about things being hard while dh is gone. I'm a very independent person, too, but as the years go by and my dh is gone yet again and I'm looking at another half a year alone, it's very hard. I don't know what to say about that except that I just get through it day by day because I have no other choice. On the sperm banking and doing IUI, could you bank your dh's sperm jic? You don't have to use it but you'll have it if you decide you want to. I went through IVF while my dh was gone. It was very difficult but at the time I felt I had no choice. There's no shame in that, as much as it does suck.


----------



## iamleabee

(((adorkable)))


----------



## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Fort Bragg mama's - Would anybody be interested in starting a SMALL group now that the weather is getting better? There seem to be quite a few of us here on MDC, so groups with 3 or 4 of us at a time could be fun







It doesn't have to be highly organized or anything, just some time to hang out and make friends.

yes please! i met some nice ladies w/ their nice boys at bombay bistro the other day and the kiddo had so much fun. MORE FRIENDS!!









adorkable *hugs*


----------



## lrpurro

Hi All,

I am no longer a military mom, but I thought this was VERY important to share:

Tina Williams January 29 at 1:30pm Reply
For those who are new to this effort, I am leading the Midwives Alliance in getting TRICARE to cover DEM services. Such discussions with TRICARE began back in May. After much discussion it is certain that only CPMs, not DEMs in general, will be considered by TRICARE in becoming authorized providers. This is a TRICARE decision, not one made by the Midwives Alliance.

The process to even begin reviewing CPMs as authorized providers has not officially begun, yet. My contact at TRICARE has not heard a need for CPMs by their "constituents" (those with TRICARE). I told him about the emails I get from TRICARE families, and he said he is not hearing this need.

So, it is time for him and TRICARE to hear the need for CPMs to be covered by TRICARE. He said that anyone with TRICARE wanting CPMs to be covered needs to send in that request for the need for CPMs to be authorized providers at:
http://tricare.mil/mybenefit/jsp/questions/feedback.jsp

THEN, please copy and paste what you have written in the feedback form and email that, with any identifying information you are willing to share, to [email protected].

I will fax the emails you send to me directly to my contact in a big batch, because I know that there is great need for CPMs to become authorized providers in the CFR (their TRICARE regulations).

Please disseminate this, far and wide.

Tammi McKinley, CPM
Virginia
__________________________________________________ __________

Hopefully, it will help get very needed options for military families!
Lisa


----------



## ~adorkable~

has anyone heard of Tricare paying for anything related to sperm freezing or storage for us for any reason or specially when our AD hubbies are deployed? I am already being seen my the army RE and everything they do is fully covered. but i do have to go elsewhere for an IUI and that is not covered.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
has anyone heard of Tricare paying for anything related to sperm freezing or storage for us for any reason or specially when our AD hubbies are deployed? I am already being seen my the army RE and everything they do is fully covered. but i do have to go elsewhere for an IUI and that is not covered.

Unless things have changed since we went through infertility treatments back in 2002-03, military docs are not allowed to handle sperm, eggs or embryos. I believe it's part of the federal law against stem cell research. That's why you have to go off-site for the IUI. I'm pretty sure that means they cannot store sperm and that TC won't cover it. Here's what I found. I hope it's not out of date. Since IUI is artificial insemination, I'm pretty sure TC won't cover storing sperm for that purpose.

"Infertility Treatment - TRICARE will cost share services and supplies required in the diagnosis and treatment of a physical cause of infertility. *The following are excluded from TRICARE coverage: Sterilization reversals, vasectomy reversals, artificial insemination, In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer (GIFT).* Costs of covered services may include Office Visit Costs, Ambulatory Surgery Costs or Hospitalization Costs." (my bolding)

TriCare Benefits, Limitations and Exclusions

Sperm storage shouldn't be too expensive, though. Gosh, I wish I could remember how much it was with my RE. I do remember thinking it wasn't a lot, at least compared to storing our embryos at almost $1000 a year.


----------



## MarineWife

Here's what that page has to say about artificial insemination. I'm guessing IUI comes under the "other non-coital reproduction methods". That means sperm storage for IUI would not be covered.

"Artificial Insemination - Excluded - any form or forms of artificial conception are non-covered. This includes in vitro fertilization, gamete interfallopian transfer and zygote interfallopian transfer, as well as other non-coital reproduction methods and services, supplies and drugs related to them."

TriCare Benefits, Exclusions and Limitations


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
has anyone heard of Tricare paying for anything related to sperm freezing or storage for us for any reason or specially when our AD hubbies are deployed? I am already being seen my the army RE and everything they do is fully covered. but i do have to go elsewhere for an IUI and that is not covered.

No, they will not pay it. At least, they wouldn't 3 years ago. When DH had cancer/surgery we banked sperm and it was the only thing that wasn't covered.

ETA-Weren't we just talking about this in here? I swear it was this thread. We just got a letter from the Gyft Clinic. After I got pg, (2 yrs ago) DH had to sign our invoice to allow the clinic to destroy his sperm.

Well, a couple of days ago, we got a bill from the clinic. I guess they never destroyed it and are asking us to pay for storage. We haven't spoken to them yet (we just got it Friday night). Now I'm wondering if we should keep it, just in case.

Anyways, the storage cost per year just went up. We have 9 vials and it is $150 a year now.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Well, a couple of days ago, we got a bill from the clinic. I guess they never destroyed it and are asking us to pay for storage. We haven't spoken to them yet (we just got it Friday night). Now I'm wondering if we should keep it, just in case.

If it were me, I'd keep it. $150 a year is not very much.


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## Soul-O

I was also informed by the staff at the Infertility clinic here (Madigan Army Medical Center) that IVF and IUI services are not performed on post or covered by Tricare. The IF or RE clinic will take care of meds, labs, ultrasounds, monitoring etc., but nothing else. My DH did have a Vas reversal free of charge at Madigan, but this was a freak occurance (urological surgeon wanting to do the operation on a low-risk candidate in order to keep up his skills).

Adorkable:









I completely understand how you feel. I, too, put my life on hold to follow my DH, then had two children with him (giving me a total of four), so any plans I had to finish Grad school and go into a new career are pretty much caput for a good long time. I have tried to be involved in volunteer work and unit activities, but I've been the victim of some "mean girls" type behavior and thus have found myself without many friends. Dealing with RPL and the need for intervention to keep a pregnancy viable has been a grieving process in and of itself. I love this area, but I'm just not making it here yet. PM me if you want to chat, or get together some time. I'll be thinking of you!


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## ~Katie~

I'm sorry things are so difficult, Adorkable. I have to say that I can relate to your feelings of having to pick up and change your life. I went through a lot of that in the beginning because I had envisioned something different for myself at the time. I hope everything can fall into place for you quickly.

DH got word that he should be home at the end of March







If all goes well with travel, that is. As DH said, come on February you 2-3 day-less bastard of a month!


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## lalemma

I relate to the "Wait, this is what I gave up my life for?!?" feeling, too. I'm sorry you're having a hard time, Adorkable. I hope you feel better(ish) soon.


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## ~adorkable~

thank you ladies soo soo much, this thread is one of hte few places i can just feel and not have to explain it. it means a ton.

KatieJD, this is sooo great, i remember when he left and it is soo good to hear that you finally get the joy of him coming home!!!

Soul-O, i'll take you up on that offer for a coffee pal one of these days real soon

so we go give a sample tomorrow, yuck it all makes it feel so sad and real


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## MarineWife

Wow! This seems like such a small group to have so many who are dealing or have dealt with infertility. My dh and I first went through being told it was very unlikely we would get pregnant without IVF/ICSI. That turned out to be wrong and we've had 2 children since. However, at least since after ds2 (maybe before then but I didn't know), I have been dealing with RPL. I know things aren't exactly the same because I do have children but I can understand the pain of wondering if you will be able to get pregnant, have (another) baby. I just wanted to share a little of my story to make a connection, so that maybe we all don't feel so alone in the situation.

I gave up my career so that my dh could join the Marines but I was glad to do it. I hated WOH and I didn't really like what I was doing. I do wonder and worry sometimes about not WOH. What would I do if something happened to my dh? What if I want to WOH after the kids are grown? There's not much point in worrying about that, though, because I have no intention of getting a job now for those reasons. I'm grateful to be able to stay home with my children.


----------



## ~Katie~

I ordered our welcome home banner today! I totally forgot about it until I found the old email. I wanted to add pictures to it but they're not coming out properly for some reason so I need to figure out how to fix it.

Also got an email tonight about everything that's going to happen when they come home. NOW it's really starting to feel real. I'm hormonal right now and get so emotional about everything so it doesn't help. So for those of you who have done this before, what do I have to expect? How did your kids do with waiting if you brought them?


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Wow! This seems like such a small group to have so many who are dealing or have dealt with infertility.

Indeed. I know of several women just in my DH's unit who have dealt with primary infertility, secondary infertility, and RPL (including unexplained second and third trimester losses). The infertility clinic at Madigan is a very busy place, which I wasn't expecting given how the military population skews towards the 30 and younger set. I've often wondered if there is something we are being exposed to (or our DHs) that is causing fertility issues. Hard to say.. I just have my suspicions







/


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## MarineWife

Katie ~ I don't take my kids to wait because you never know if the guys will be on time. Whenever my dh has come, the days and times change up until the last moment. I usually don't even tell my kids that Dad is coming home until I know he's on his way. My dh calls me when he's close to the meetup place and then I leave to meet him. I don't have much patience for waiting, though. YMMV

Soul-O ~ FWIW, we had fertility issues before my dh joined the military. That being said, have you read any of the news about the bad water on Camp LeJeune? It's been years now. Not sure how long but before we got here in 2006. Apparently, the base housing water was badly tainted with lead, which most probably caused all kinds of health problems, especially in children whose mothers were pg while living on the base and drinking the water. I think the investigation is still ongoing. If it can happen at one military base, it can happen at any of them.


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## 4JMJ

So happy for you Katie! When dh returned from Iraq in '04, they were released at some obscene hour (like 3am or something). We had 3 kids 4 and under then, so we stayed in the hotel room so the kids could sleep and my good friend (whose husband was also returning) brought him to the hotel (this was at Drum and we were living in Syracuse at the time, that's why the hotel room!) The kids and I were all so excited so we woke right up when he got there! DS (almost 1 then) sat right up when daddy walked through the door and said "da-da", it was so sweet (especially considering he had only spent a grand total of 17 days of his life with his daddy up to that point! This time should fly by for you!


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## ~Katie~

I don't know of times or anything like that, as you said we won't know until he leaves and then we'll know when his plane is supposed to get in. It will be just me so not bringing the kids really isn't an option, I was hoping DH's best friend could come and take pictures but he just had reconstructive surgery on his face last week so no idea when he will be recouped. From the way it sounds it's quite the dog and pony show, the whole thing is supposed to last about 2 hours. I'm planning to bring my double stroller for them, regardless.

Water - The water on military bases is notorious for being extremely poor quality. Most people I know will not drink the water without a really good water purifier. They put out a water report here every year and it does not get spectacular ratings.


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## nia82

I got an answer from Tricare:
Thank you for contacting TROW. To lobby for changes in TRICARE policy
you would need to contact your state congressional leaders. Congress
sets for the all rules/policy for TRICARE. If I can be of further
assistance please do not hesitate in contacting me.

So Tricare cannot change the rules about CPMs, congress can.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
IIt will be just me so not bringing the kids really isn't an option...From the way it sounds it's quite the dog and pony show, the whole thing is supposed to last about 2 hours. I'm planning to bring my double stroller for them, regardless.

I've not had the option of not taking my LOs, either. When my dh came home from Iraq in the middle of the night, he found his own way home. We agreed it wasn't worth getting everyone up and out of bed when he'd be so exhausted he'd just want to crash anyway. The one time there was a big to-do when he came home, everyone got off the plane, met their families and went straight home. No one stayed for the festivities. Everyone just wanted to get home. Thank goodness we didn't have to wait and look at our guys while they stood in formation for who knows how long before being dismissed. I've seen that on the news and that would just drive me crazy!

This last time when he came home, they were supposed to be here at 6 pm. Then it was 10 pm. I think they were finally done and released around midnight or 1 am. His unit had planned a few things like a bouncy house and maybe some light refreshments but I don't know if any of that materialized since their arrival time kept changing. Poor FRO. I didn't go early enough to find out. My dh called me when he got to the armory to turn in his weapon so that's when I left the house with the kids. We still ended up waiting about an hour in the car because it took a lot longer at the armory than my dh thought. By the time he was done, the boys were asleep.


----------



## ~Katie~

Ah, I see. They have a quick welcoming ceremony for 15 minutes or so when they first get off the plane, and they get bused to their respective battalion areas for 2 hours or so until they're released. I may sound stupid, but it's important for me to see him when he gets here and to welcome him back, even if that means dragging our kids out late. It has a lot to do with our particular circumstances surrounding this whole deployment.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Ah, I see. They have a quick welcoming ceremony for 15 minutes or so when they first get off the plane, and they get bused to their respective battalion areas for 2 hours or so until they're released. I may sound stupid, but it's important for me to see him when he gets here and to welcome him back, even if that means dragging our kids out late. It has a lot to do with our particular circumstances surrounding this whole deployment.

That doesn't sound stupid. I felt the same way when my dh returned the first time, except for the fact that it was at something like 2 or 3 am when he returned. I don't think I could've gotten up and out of the house at that time even if I planned it.

I guess my question would be, when they are bussed to their battalion area, what are they doing for those 2 hours? Do they have to stay for 2 hours but are allowed to be with their families or are they still going to be doing unit stuff? If it's one of those mandatory social things, then it makes sense for you and the kids to go. However, if you and the kids are just going to be sitting around waiting while your dh continues to work and you all can't be close or talk to him, it might not be so much fun at least not for the full 2 hours. KWIM?


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## ~Katie~

Ya know I really don't know, I'm going to have to find out. After the whole mission completion ceremony he gets to say hello and everything before getting on the bus. I don't know much more after that but I do know we follow him over there. You're right that it probably wouldn't be much fun, it's going to depend on what we find out and whether I can get somebody to go with us. I don't want my IL's here because I want to have some time to ourselves before they show up, which makes DH's best friend the next candidate as long as he's recovered by then.


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## Sarah W

I'm very torn on having families there. It's great for everyone, but it's such a distraction from getting any work done. Things would go so much faster if they were just allowed to do their jobs with no one there.

The way it's been done for my units is they have the ceremony, then go back to the unit area to get work stuff done.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I guess my question would be, when they are bussed to their battalion area, what are they doing for those 2 hours? Do they have to stay for 2 hours but are allowed to be with their families or are they still going to be doing unit stuff?

There are TONS of things you have to do when you get back. Accountability for personnel, weapons, and other sensitive items. Cleaning weapons and getting it all turned in to the arms room. Gathering up any classified that was couriered by personnel, getting everyone their bags, downloading pallets, moving vehicles to secure areas. There is so much stuff going on that it's such a PITA for families to be there.

DH has deployed 7 times?? Maybe 8. It's hard to watch, because Daddy still has to work, but they get to see their kids and anytime any of them would walk out of the room, the kids would scream. It's separation anxiety, and it's really difficult to watch. Kids are cranky because it's usually between 11pm-3am.

For us, it's a little different because DH hasn't deployed since DD was born. They bus us to the airfield where they fly in and we wait on the tarmac for them. We've done it both ways. We ride back together, then I hang out and wait for DH to get his stuff done. There are times that I've let him get stuff done and showed up when they were ready to go.


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## RunningMomTegan

Man, I feel for you Marine wives... The Army does it a little differently. There are Soldiers on ground to take care of all that junk that didn't deploy, so the redeploying Soldiers can just go home.

The weapons gets turned in at the airport, as do the classified courier materials.

Then all they have to do at the field is march out, grab their bags (also taken care of by non-deployed Soldiers) and go home. Then a few days later, start some training and medical exams, etc, on half day schedules.

At least that's how it works at Stewart...


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## MovingMomma

IME things seem to work differently with Marine Corps returns. We never get to see them at the point of return (disembarking aircraft or ship). They are bussed from the point of return back to the base, and then they are bussed around to do their various tasks (turning in weapons, medical checks, etc.) before they are brought to the place where families are waiting. By the time they get to us they have done everything they need to do & we can just take them home straightaway. They are almost always later to arrive at the rendezvous point than the families are told. Sometimes this has been deliberate (FRO telling families to arrive before the bus is even scheduled to reach the base), other times the result of delays (one time they were stuck for 30 minutes because they were having trouble getting a blood draw from *one* guy). We've never had a middle of the night return, but I think that's just a fluke, not a USMC thing. I've always taken the kids.


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## Katsmamajama

It may also depend on unit size, as well as location and branch. When we were stationed at a dinky unit in Germany, the Rear Detachment took care of the unloading and logistics-- including non-mission essentials, like the beer cooler. All the soldiers had to do was a quick check in with squad leaders about when to come back to work, sign out on admin leave, and LEAVE! At Ft. Campbell when DH was coming back from Afghanistan with 101st (a HUGE influx of people, yeesh!), they had a 45 minute dog and pony show that was rescheduled 3 times-- 30 minutes of kissing our buts for "our sacrifices" and then 15 minutes of staring at our spouses in formation. They also had Rear D taking care of the unpacking/accountability stuff, and the soldiers signed out before the formation so they could be dismissed to their families without having to still sign out.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
There are TONS of things you have to do when you get back. Accountability for personnel, weapons, and other sensitive items. Cleaning weapons and getting it all turned in to the arms room. Gathering up any classified that was couriered by personnel, getting everyone their bags, downloading pallets, moving vehicles to secure areas. There is so much stuff going on that it's such a PITA for families to be there.

Like Shannon said, with the Marines this stuff is all done before they are bussed to meet their families. Once they get there they can just grab their bags and go. I definitely would not have my kids around for what you've described. I wouldn't even want to be there. I'd rather stay at home where we're all comfortable and wait until I can actually bring my dh home.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RunningMomTegan* 
Man, I feel for you Marine wives... The Army does it a little differently. There are Soldiers on ground to take care of all that junk that didn't deploy, so the redeploying Soldiers can just go home.

This must be a unit specific thing, because I'm in the Army and I've never seen it done that way. As an NCO, I'm responsible for the weapons and sensitive items that are assigned to my section until they're turned in. Rear-D will be the ones receiving everything, (they run the arms room and do security checks) but you can't leave unless there's 100% accountability.


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## ~Katie~

I'm sure it is unit specific and they all have different procedures that they choose to do. In any case, it's up to the respective family to do what they're comfortable with







Thanks for giving your input.


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## ~Katie~

I talked to him and apparently they're not doing what the FRG email said (big surprise there). There are a bunch of ADVON people who will essentially be doing rear-D's job so that it's done how they want it done. He thinks they'll be leaving directly from where they get in and not busing anywhere so that they can just get in, drop off their weapons and take care of what they need to, and leave. They most likely won't be doing a 4 day pass until the weekend so they can get a head-start on redeployment stuff. He _thinks_ they'll be getting in during the morning sometime but we'll see. He's actually leaving much sooner than I thought he was.


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## lalemma

I'll be joining TDY husband (in my head, that's a title: The Amazing TDY Husband!) at Ft. Lewis for a few weeks soon. Area mamas, any tips on things to do and see (and eat?)

I like books, coffee, museums, the outdoors, crafty things... and I'll have a 3 month-old strapped to me at all times. Any good areas for long walks nearby?


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
I'll be joining TDY husband (in my head, that's a title: The Amazing TDY Husband!) at Ft. Lewis for a few weeks soon. Area mamas, any tips on things to do and see (and eat?)

I like books, coffee, museums, the outdoors, crafty things... and I'll have a 3 month-old strapped to me at all times. Any good areas for long walks nearby?

Oh, tons! I've got to put DD to bed, but I'll be back.


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## PhilsBabyMama

Hey, ladies. Is anyone at Fort Sill? We're going to be moving there in June while my husband does his BOLC. Any info you could share with me would really be appreciated. Are there any AP playgroups out there? I'd really like to meet some like minded (or open minded) moms while I'm there.


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## MarineWife

My dh is at Ft. Still now. He'll only be there until July. Although it was considered a PCS move, we decided it would be best for me and the kids to stay where we are. We lived there for a few months in 2003 while he was finishing up his artillery training and none of us liked it. I don't know of any AP or any other groups there. There's not much to do there. I remember WalMart being the most exciting thing to do in Lawton. At least you can drive to OK City or Dallas for a day trip.

My dh is not happy about being there right now (not that he was ever happy about having to go there). First, there was an ice storm and they lost power. He was freezing and couldn't cook. When the power was finally turned back on, something happened with the city's water treatment plant and they had to cut off the water supply to the entire city. No showers, no toilets, nothing. My dh said when people were warned about the water being cut off they filled up bathtubs and sinks to use in their toilets. Good times!

We're waiting for his next orders. I sure hope he gets an extension here. If he doesn't, I don't know what we'll do about our house. It's worth a lot less now than it was when we bought it and hardly have any equity built up in it. We've talked about renting it but I'm hard-pressed to believe anyone would be willing to pay more than their BAH for rent.

Sorry I don't have anything more positive to share. Seems like I don't have much of anything positive to say about this military life at all. That's not true, though. If I don't look at the details too much, I can say that I am relatively happy with our life. We did love being in Hawaii and look forward to going back one day.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Claire goes to the LLL meetings I believe. I've wanted to go but it always slips my mind!

Thanks Katie! I haven't been on in a couple of weeks







I do go to the Womack meeting, just about every month unless something major happens. It's always the 2nd Tuesday of the month. The leader is really nice! The toddler group that meets off post is good too.

Oh, and I totally think the Bragg mamas should meet up sometime! Count us in for sure! Maybe at of the playgrounds?


----------



## karrie73

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PhilsBabyMama* 
Hey, ladies. Is anyone at Fort Sill? We're going to be moving there in June while my husband does his BOLC. Any info you could share with me would really be appreciated. Are there any AP playgroups out there? I'd really like to meet some like minded (or open minded) moms while I'm there.

I was at Ft Sill for 3 months in 2007-2008. There is a mom's group on Meetup.com called Lawton Moms that I was in and there were a surprising number of AP parents there. There is a Yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OklahomaRadicalMothers/ where I found some AP info... though its not very popular these days.


----------



## kirstenb

Hey ladies,

DH left last Saturday for a 7 week school in VA and I am starting to go a little crazy here at home, lol. We've done several deployments and schools over the years, but we've been lucky since having kids and the last time he left was for 3 weeks when DS1 was 7 months. It was a lot different before we had kids! I'm going with the kids to go visit a good friend at Parris Island for a few weeks so that will definitely help.


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

MarineWife-

Yikes. I hear you on the house thing. We bought a condo in Alaska and then moved to Maryland. We ended up selling, (after 6 months of paying a mortgage, HOA fees and rent here) and ended up paying 11 thousand dollars at closing with our loss.

Hopefully living in OK won't be bad. I have a 2 year old and I figure there are playgrounds everywhere.







I also found a cool store that has an organic co-op type thing that is about an hour away. That'll be a good weekly trip to get us out of the house. The Zoo in OKC might be fun, too. We'll only be there from July through November, so probably won't have to deal with ice storms. (Just thunderstorms and maybe tornados! ) We'll just try to make the best of it.

Hope everything works out with you guys.


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *karrie73* 
I was at Ft Sill for 3 months in 2007-2008. There is a mom's group on Meetup.com called Lawton Moms that I was in and there were a surprising number of AP parents there. There is a Yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OklahomaRadicalMothers/ where I found some AP info... though its not very popular these days.

Thanks, Karrie! I'll check out those groups!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PhilsBabyMama* 
We'll only be there from July through November, so probably won't have to deal with ice storms. (Just thunderstorms and maybe tornados! ) We'll just try to make the best of it.

Ah, tornadoes, yes. We didn't have any tornadoes when we were there. Is there a season for that? Same as the hurricane season on the southern east coast? One other thing that concerned my dh was whether or not there were any safe places to live out in town. My dh said he was glad we didn't come because he is living in an apartment in one of the safer, military approved neighborhoods and they've still had a lot of crime. So, really check out any neighborhood before you move there.


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Ah, tornadoes, yes. We didn't have any tornadoes when we were there. Is there a season for that? Same as the hurricane season on the southern east coast? One other thing that concerned my dh was whether or not there were any safe places to live out in town. My dh said he was glad we didn't come because he is living in an apartment in one of the safer, military approved neighborhoods and they've still had a lot of crime. So, really check out any neighborhood before you move there.

I really don't know about tornado season, but in the movies it usually seems to be in the summer...everything you see in the movies is true, right?







I keep hearing about the crime in Lawton. I'm not really sure exactly what is going to happen. My husband thought they set aside housing for people attending BOLC with families, but now it looks like they just expect us to live in a hotel for 6 months on post. I've been looking at places off post online, but I don't know what areas are safeer than others.








I guess I'll have to do some more leg work. If you or your husband have any neighborhood suggestions I'd love to hear them.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PhilsBabyMama* 
If you or your husband have any neighborhood suggestions I'd love to hear them.

I'll ask my dh if he has any ideas. Are you looking for a house or an apartment?


----------



## iamleabee

my dh left today



































. he is a reservist and its our first deployment since ds (15mos) was born. i did alot of crying this morning, but right now i'm just numb and tired.

we did fertility treatments at walter reed army medical ctr. our IUI's were $100 each and the IVF was, of course, several thousand. i think the cost of at least the IUI's was somewhat subsidised though, but what do i know?


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamleabee* 
my dh left today



































. he is a reservist and its our first deployment since ds (15mos) was born. i did alot of crying this morning, but right now i'm just numb and tired.











Talking about tornadoes, we have a tornado watch in my area right now.


----------



## abarnes

Hello! I haven't been on MDC since Sept. I came across an article while I was searching for something and then remembered the community section here! I thought I'd stop by, see what was going on.


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'll ask my dh if he has any ideas. Are you looking for a house or an apartment?

We're looking for a house. Preferably a newer (built after 1978) one, so I don't have to obsess about lead paint.







We looked at ahrn.com, but most of the houses seemed really old.


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamleabee* 
my dh left today



































. he is a reservist and its our first deployment since ds (15mos) was born. i did alot of crying this morning, but right now i'm just numb and tired.


Hang in there, mama.


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 









Talking about tornadoes, we have a tornado watch in my area right now.

We live in Maryland and are getting slammed with snow right now. It's been snowing since yesterday and for a while we were getting 3 inchs an hour! I think when it's all over we'll have gotten about 30 inchs...At least that's what they are saying now. They keep uping it.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PhilsBabyMama* 
We live in Maryland and are getting slammed with snow right now. It's been snowing since yesterday and for a while we were getting 3 inchs an hour! I think when it's all over we'll have gotten about 30 inchs...At least that's what they are saying now. They keep uping it.

I'm from Fairfax, VA. My family has been telling me about all the snow they are getting. My dad is in Crewe, VA, which most of you have probably never heard of. It's about an hour southwest of Richmond. He said he thought he'd be snowed in this weekend. He says he's too old (70) and has a bad back he messed up earlier in the week shoveling snow so he can't get out and shovel anymore. I'll have to call him every day to make sure he's all right.

I wish we'd get snow here instead of all the rain. I think I have to get our shingles looked at/replaced again. With all the wind and rain, I have to do that once very 2-3 months, probably. We got snow last winter (I think). That was so fun! I had a houseful of little kids and teens making snowmen in my front yard. A newspaper photographer even stopped and took a pic of them all next to it. I don't know if it made the paper because I never read it.

It's not surprising that all the houses in Lawton are old. It's such a small town with very limited opportunities. There probably hasn't been much growth in the last 30 years. That's why the crime rate is so high.


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## iamleabee

ds was a holy terror yesterday, but seems to be doing somewhat better today. i am too, as long as i keep myself from looking too far ahead.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalemma* 
I'll be joining TDY husband (in my head, that's a title: The Amazing TDY Husband!) at Ft. Lewis for a few weeks soon. Area mamas, any tips on things to do and see (and eat?)

I like books, coffee, museums, the outdoors, crafty things... and I'll have a 3 month-old strapped to me at all times. Any good areas for long walks nearby?

The weather here has been pretty great lately.

Do you snowboard or Ski? Crystal Mt is pretty close or the Summit at Snoqualmie. They're both within 3 hrs of Lewis. You can also go up to Rainier and hike. http://www.summitatsnoqualmie.com/ http://www.skicrystal.com/

There's a small zoo in Tacoma. Point Defiance zoo. http://www.pdza.org/ You can also rent kayaks.

Tacoma Glass Museum-There's not a lot in the museum, but you can watch them blow glass. If you walk out onto the bridge over the highway, there is a ton of glass displayed up there. http://www.museumofglass.org/

If you go to Seattle:

Ride the Ducks! Cool tour of Seattle. http://www.ridetheducksofseattle.com/

There's the Pacific Science Center. They have an IMAX as well as a laser light show at night. There are also rides up there, but they're kind of expensive. http://www.pacsci.org/

EMP-Experience Music Project-It has a lot of music memorabilia. I wasn't a fan, but it's not my thing. http://www.empsfm.org/

Pike Place Market-It's kind of like a flea market, but nicer. In the spring/summer there are so many flowers and they're really cheap. The produce is HUGE and you can also buy great seafood. It's 3 stories (I think). There a magic store and other little things up there, too. (I haven't been since we moved back) http://www.pikeplacemarket.org

Seattle Art Museum-I haven't been in years. Art isn't my thing

You can also go to Canada (If you have passports)

Leavenworth-It's a Bavarian town and it is darling! We'd go every few months. There are tons of stores to look in. A lot of wine. A great cheese store, The Cheese Monger. Several chocolate stores. A really cool Christmas store. There's one candy shop that has I don't know how many types of saltwater taffy; choc chip cookie, cinnamon role, etc. So good! http://www.leavenworth.org/modules/p...x.php?pageid=1

Olympia, the capital isn't too far South of Lewis. We don't really go there.

San Juan Islands-There are islands where you can go whale watching during certain times of year. I surprised DH with a long weekend up there. It was good time. http://www.sanjuanisland.org/

Northwest Trek. It has a lot of animals, but also has a train thing that rides you through the park. It's really cool! http://www.nwtrek.org/


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## MarineWife

Philsbabymama ~ My dh says anything from 82nd street and beyond should be ok. It's on the west side of town, further out from the base. Closer to the base gets sketchy. He said they have newer houses out there, too. HTH


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## lalemma

Sarah - awesome, thank you so much for typing all that up! I really appreciate it. I can't wait to check out Point Defiance park, in particular!


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## PhilsBabyMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Philsbabymama ~ My dh says anything from 82nd street and beyond should be ok. It's on the west side of town, further out from the base. Closer to the base gets sketchy. He said they have newer houses out there, too. HTH

Thanks, that does help.







It's hard looking for a place when you aren't there to scope out the area. Glad to get some feedback from someone who knows the city.


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## karrie73

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Philsbabymama ~ My dh says anything from 82nd street and beyond should be ok. It's on the west side of town, further out from the base. Closer to the base gets sketchy. He said they have newer houses out there, too. HTH

Unless a new subdivision was built after Feb 2008, there is nothing past 82nd Street...its the end of town.

We lived near Flower Mound and Gore. Flower Mound has newer homes. The first time we lived in Lawton, we lived off of Cache behind Applebee's. Its not bad but the homes are older.


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## KalinkaWindalf

Hello. I'm new to this site. My husband is leaving for basic early next month. He's Army. I could use some ladies to talk to who have been through the same things. I'm Brooke by the way.


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## ~Katie~

Hi Brooke and welcome to MDC!!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *karrie73* 
Unless a new subdivision was built after Feb 2008, there is nothing past 82nd Street...its the end of town.

Hmmm..I'll ask my dh about that.

Hi, Brooke.


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## gagin37

Welcome Brooke!


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## ~Katie~

Those of you who got emails via IRIS for arrival times, how accurate was it?


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
Thanks Katie! I haven't been on in a couple of weeks







I do go to the Womack meeting, just about every month unless something major happens. It's always the 2nd Tuesday of the month. The leader is really nice! The toddler group that meets off post is good too.

Oh, and I totally think the Bragg mamas should meet up sometime! Count us in for sure! Maybe at of the playgrounds?

This sounds great to me, Pope playground is pretty nice and that one tends to work for the little and big'uns since they have a smaller toddler area. Now if it would warm up and stay that way we'd be in business!


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## Alohamelly

Welcome, Brooke!

NM, misunderstood the question.


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## Tatnumz

Hi everyone
I jsut learned from a friend there was a military group on here. I am a SAHM and HS mom with 6 children ages 16dd, 13dd, 9dd, 7ds, almost 4 dd, 9mo preemie ds. We are across the board as natural as they come







Catholic,homebirthing, APing, HSing, CLoth and ECing, No circ, no vax, allergy issues so we are wheat free, DF, SF, GF etc..tandem nursed, tri nursed, Ecological BF /NFP. LLL Leader for 14 years Any questions just ask me









My dh joined the Army National Guard 2 years ago. HUGE changed for us. He just deployed and my heart is broke and so are our children's. They are not use to being seperated from dad since my oldest is 16...SO I do not fit in with anyone it seems since we are they way we are







being NG we are not on a military base either. I am learning NG is VERY differnt than Active army.

SO that is us. Look forward to getting to know you all

Peace
Lisa


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## ~Katie~

Welcome Lisa!

It can be difficult as a AP/NFL mom to find like-minded friends, I have typically found that there is usually at least one other person around like me and I almost always find them through MDC







I hope you can find the support you need to get through this deployment. Looking forward to getting to know you


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## ~Katie~

Happy Valentine's Day!


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## Tatnumz

thanks katie
Btw I read you have a SPD child. My almost 4 yo dd has SPD as well. this has been very hard for her.

lisa


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## earthmommy2

I dont' usually post over here, I'm a little to unsavvy to keep up with the thread. I have recently found out we are moving to Pascagoula MS. Anyone in the area??
My DH is in the Navy, we have been for 9 years. We have 2 kids with 1 on the way...This move is a totally different from what we are use to.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tatnumz* 
thanks katie
Btw I read you have a SPD child. My almost 4 yo dd has SPD as well. this has been very hard for her.

lisa

The first few months were extremely hard on him, DH left and baby sister was born 2 weeks later. He's come a long way since then thankfully. I hope it gets easier for you both


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## gagin37

So we found out that we won't be left here at Pope next year when the base is handed back over the Army. Dh was worried he'd get stuck here, but he should be getting his new assignment sometime before August. We won't actually move until probably around the time next year. Now we have to slowly start thinking about selling our house







I'm not crazy about Fayetteville, but I like our house and the friends I've made here. We were thinking about ttc this summer too, for a spring '11 baby. Now we may have to rethink that. I'm not sure I want to move while greatly pregnant. So many things to have to think about!


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## ~Katie~

Wow Claire! I'm glad you will be able to move and not be stuck here, do you think you'd be able to rent the house if selling it isn't an option? I hope you get answers soon so that it won't interfere with TTC and you'll be able to plan for everything. We will miss you


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## ~Katie~

DH's return date has been changed, not surprised I guess. We did get some good news about his leave. At first we were told that they'd combine his paternity leave with his block leave, so he wouldn't actually get any additional time off and it would be pointless. But what he can actually do is take his paternity leave first, and then once that is up he can sign out on block leave. So keep that in mind if your hubby plans to take paternity leave and somebody starts screwing with you, particularly after a deployment!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Wow Claire! I'm glad you will be able to move and not be stuck here, do you think you'd be able to rent the house if selling it isn't an option? I hope you get answers soon so that it won't interfere with TTC and you'll be able to plan for everything. We will miss you









Yeah, it would be nice to find out pretty soon, I'd like to know where we'll be going! He thinks it will be next March, so just over a year. Of course we all know how the military just looooves to change on short notice. Right now I am leaning towards TTC sooner, in the next two or three months, to try to have a baby before we move, maybe in Jan of next year, instead of March or April. Robbie would be about 2.5, that's a good age distance I think. Now to get dh on board with it!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
At first we were told that they'd combine his paternity leave with his block leave, so he wouldn't actually get any additional time off and it would be pointless. But what he can actually do is take his paternity leave first, and then once that is up he can sign out on block leave. So keep that in mind if your hubby plans to take paternity leave and somebody starts screwing with you, particularly after a deployment!

Wow! Not cool to mess with someone's leave like that. Glad you all found a way around that.

We had to move up when we were going to ttc #3 because of dh's deployment schedule. We wanted to wait until ds2 was 2 before we started ttc so he'd be close to or past 3 before the new baby was born. But dh was going to have to deploy again right before ds2 turned 2 so we started ttc as soon as he returned from the first deployment. DS2 was only 15 months. I was nervous about having 2 so young. Turned out we didn't have ds3 until ds2 was 3.5, anyway.

My dh just got tentative orders, too. He said nothing is official, on paper, but it looks good that he'll get 3 more years back here, sort of. He said there is one slot available for east coast (LeJeune) and 3 for west coast and he was the only one who asked for east coast so he should almost certainly get it. It's a 3 year assignment so that takes a load off of us about whether to sell or rent. The only issue is that once he picks up major he could get transferred somewhere else since they won't leave a major in a captain's billet. He's supposed to pick up major in about 1.5 years. He did say there's a good chance he'd just get moved to a different job within the unit or to a different unit at the same base so it won't necessarily mean we'll have to move. I actually would love to move. I don't like NC. The west coast, Pendleton, would be nice. The only thing holding me back is the house.


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## michelleklu

Hello everyone!

My husband just found out that we are going to Fort Drum, NY next. Any opinions on the place? Anyone know of playgroups? How often does it REALLY snow and how high? It can't cover homes and cars year round, right?

Also, this is sort of mean but if we decide that my daughter and I are going to live in CA near my family do we still get BH? I looked online but I guess I'm not phrasing my question correctly. He's going to spend his last 3 years until retirement there. I want to spend a substantial amount of time near the end in a different state looking for a home and getting to know the area where we will be moving.








I'm a little crushed. We were originally told that we'd be heading to Fort Meade.


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## ~Katie~

DD is the baby whose TTC date was moved up because of deployment, but he ended up deploying a lot sooner than we all thought, about 6 months sooner.

MW - Good news about not having to sell the house. I haven't really found anywhere that feels like home yet. I think DH and I are people that like to move around a lot, I'll be glad to move out of NC as well.

Michelle - There are a couple of folks here at Fort Drum I believe. DH and I went to college about an hour and a half from there, all of our family is in NY, and he did drill there while he was in the reserves. It isn't too bad. A lot of nice, new housing has been built and you aren't far from activities. Winters can be rough, freak snow storms due to lake effect snow do tend to happen. The last few years have been odd with the snow coming later and staying longer. You will get BAH for wherever your DH is stationed, and the BAH isn't too bad for that area but I don't know how it would compare to the area in CA you'd be in.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
MW - Good news about not having to sell the house. I haven't really found anywhere that feels like home yet. I think DH and I are people that like to move around a lot, I'll be glad to move out of NC as well.

I guess if we had to pick we'd probably both say Virginia is our home. DH still has that as his home of record even though I keep telling him he should change it because the taxes are so high. VA wouldn't let him exempt his deployed income even though the federal government does. I don't mind moving around, going to new places. I'm sure I never would've been to HI if it weren't for dh being in the military. We loved HI but I wouldn't want to settle there because it's so isolated. I'd like to go to Camp Pendleton. I've never stayed in the west for an extended period. Unlike many people, I have no desire to go to any of the overseas Marine bases. I wouldn't mind going to Europe or Australia, though.

It's funny because when I was younger I had decided I wanted to retire in NC, on the outer banks. After living here for a while, I don't want to do that anymore. The state is too conservative for me. I don't like their homeschool or maternity care laws. I've felt like I've been fighting someone or something just to live my life the way I want since I moved here.


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## ~Katie~

I don't think we have really found a place that we truly loved, we do like the West coast a lot and we liked living in Arizona, but I think we tire of places quickly. DH informed me that he wants to move to Australia because he works with lots of Aussie's and they rave about it, I think I could settle on a vacation for now







Maybe next year.

Speaking of home of record. I looked at DH's W2's and the employer's state ID number has changed as well as the state in box 20, it's no longer listed as NY. We didn't change either of those things so I don't know why they changed after so many years of being NY. So now I assume we're paying NC taxes instead of NY?


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I looked at DH's W2's and the employer's state ID number has changed as well as the state in box 20, it's no longer listed as NY. We didn't change either of those things so I don't know why they changed after so many years of being NY. So now I assume we're paying NC taxes instead of NY?

This should not happen unless your DH changed it. You can also check box 33 on his LES to see what state he is taxed in.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
This should not happen unless your DH changed it. You can also check box 33 on his LES to see what state he is taxed in.

I asked him if he changed it and he said no. I started our taxes but I can't submit them until I get DD's SS# in the mail, when I put the information in nothing came up for NY but NC did according to the ID number. Would it have anything to do with him being deployed?


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## ~Katie~

Is it possible that his home of record is still NY and he's paying NC taxes? I don't even know if that's possible...


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I asked him if he changed it and he said no. I started our taxes but I can't submit them until I get DD's SS# in the mail, when I put the information in nothing came up for NY but NC did according to the ID number. Would it have anything to do with him being deployed?

It shouldn't have anything to do with him being deployed. Do you work and pay taxes in NC? Every time we do our taxes we're told we need to file in NC because it's my state of record. Since I don't work and earn money we don't actually need to. My dh only files in VA. Is that something you can change on myPay? I haven't looked into it in a while. When I did they had just set it up so you could change some tax info like exemptions and such on myPay but you couldn't change your state of record.


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## ~Katie~

I don't work here, my state of record has always been NY when I file taxes. According to TurboTax, there's a relief act that allows military spouses to claim the same state of record as their spouse. I'm waiting for the customer service folks to call me so I can ask them, I'm also trying to find out more about the earned income credit. If we exclude combat pay we get more but I need to find out if there are any penalties associated with that.


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## ~Katie~

LES definitely says NC, this is just weird.


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## MovingMomma

Nope, deployment does not (should not!) affect residency. Did _he_ work for someone other than the military in NC last year? DH has done contract work before, and that income is taxable in NC even though our home of record is WA & his military pay is still not taxable in NC. But I think you meant his W2 from the military?

MW, I just checked and mypay says specifically you _may not_ use it to change the state.

Yup, the MSRRA is brand spanking new and states are scrambling to update their laws to comply. Here's a link to a brief summary. Here's NC specific info. To read the MSRRA bill click here: http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c111:S.475: then click "S.475.ENR" #4.

As far as the EIC, it's totally legit to either take the combat pay exclusion or not, whichever gives you the largest EIC. The whole pub. linked here is about military tax matters, but the link will take you right to the section on the EIC. Scroll down to the heading "Nontaxable combat pay election."


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
LES definitely says NC, this is just weird.

Maybe it got changed in the flurry of paperwork associated w/deployment? There must be a form for it & I'd sure hope it needs his signature. Does he remember anything?


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## MovingMomma

Here's a link w/a thorough explanation of changing residency.

And here's what DD form 2058 looks like.

Hope you get it figured out & straightened out!


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## MarineWife

Well, I can tell you that things can get changed without anyone's knowledge. We found that out when my dh returned from deployment to find that his life insurance beneficiaries had been changed and none of us were notified.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Maybe it got changed in the flurry of paperwork associated w/deployment? There must be a form for it & I'd sure hope it needs his signature. Does he remember anything?

I talked to someone from Turbo Tax and got the scoop on the EIC, so we'll get back about $3000 more than I thought which is nice. He says he doesn't remember changing where he gets taxed, he really doesn't think he did. It's strange because he's paid by his NG unit in NY. The only thing I can think is that when his pay was adjusted to show his new rank it may have been changed, but definitely not by him. He hasn't worked for anyone else. In any case, it'd be nice to know why it was changed.


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## ~Katie~

According to the factsheet we've registered to vote here, we both have NC licenses, and our car is registered here. Apparently we paid NC taxes last year according to his W2. No form that I know of was filled out to change our legal residence. I'm guessing somebody did this by mistake. It really doesn't make a huge difference, we will just have to change it again when/if we move back to NY.

This could be an issue:

Quote:

Military members often mistakenly believe that changing the state of domicile in their pay records changes their domicile. While this tactic may cause the finance office to stop withholding state income tax, the member may not have validly changed domicile and may be liable for back taxes, interest, and penalties. In addition, the member may be subject to criminal prosecution for failing to pay state income taxes.
If his LES and W2 both say NC, is this still an issue?


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Well, I can tell you that things can get changed without anyone's knowledge. We found that out when my dh returned from deployment to find that his life insurance beneficiaries had been changed and none of us were notified.

I remember that. That still freaks me out. And makes me really happy that we have an unusual last name.


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
It really doesn't make a huge difference, we will just have to change it again when/if we move back to NY.

I'm glad it's not a big deal for you! It would be for us b/c our state of residency doesn't have an income tax!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
I'm glad it's not a big deal for you! It would be for us b/c our state of residency doesn't have an income tax!

NY isn't supposed to tax military either, but we just learned that this year


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
If his LES and W2 both say NC, is this still an issue?

Oh gosh, I don't know!







You really wouldn't want to be liable for taxes in both states.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Oh gosh, I don't know!







You really wouldn't want to be liable for taxes in both states.

No way, I would have a heart attack. I don't even know who to call to figure this out.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
According to the factsheet we've registered to vote here, we both have NC licenses, and our car is registered here. Apparently we paid NC taxes last year according to his W2. No form that I know of was filled out to change our legal residence. I'm guessing somebody did this by mistake. It really doesn't make a huge difference, we will just have to change it again when/if we move back to NY.

I'd guess it's because he's registered to vote in NC. You can't vote in a state unless you are a legal resident. We couldn't vote in HI because we were both still legal residence of VA. We got absentee ballots from VA. My dh still votes through absentee ballot in VA while I vote in NC since I did change my legal residence.

Having your legal state of residence changed may also affect how the military moves you when your dh gets out. I think that's the reason my dh hasn't changed his. Once you get out of the military they give you one free move back to your legal state of residence. If you want to go back to NY but NC is now your state, they may only pay for you to move off base. They may not pay the expenses for you to move back to NY.


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## sarahb918

Hi everyone!

I'm Sarah, wife to Jon and mommy to Arianna (3 years)!

We're pretty busy right now. Jon just got orders to Quantico and we'll be PCSing out to VA next month. We're actually there right now looking for a place to live around the Stafford area. We'll be back again the first week of March to look some more and put our name on the list for base housing.

We're also going to be TTC our second baby which is exciting and nerve racking. Exciting because I've been ready for our next baby for a while now and nerve racking because I just started charting cycles and found that I have a luteal phase defect.







I've been doing research on it though and it sounds like it should be a fairly easy fix so wish us luck!

Hopefully I'll meet some other wives in this area because we don't know anyone.


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## MovingMomma

Welcome, Sarah! We're at Lejeune and are wishing we were headed to Quantico!









Does anyone have experience with kids experiencing reduced appetites when a parent is deployed? DD2 is eating about half as much since DH left, and she really can't afford to do that. She's tiny already: 41 months & 27 lbs! She will eat more if I make her special food, but I don't think it's good for long term healthy eating habits to do that for 6 more months.







It's not that she's despondent or anything. She's also taking FOREVER to eat (easily an hour for each meal, and I don't get her down before she's done). She's just more interested in playing and talking at the table than she is in eating. She was already a slow eater before DH left, but she got even slower and the amount she'll get down is seriously reduced by about half from what she was eating before he left.


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## ~Katie~

Welcome Sarah!

MW - But wouldn't he need to sign a form for it to be changed? Does that mean we wouldn't have to worry about it in NY? I'm going to have to figure out who to talk to about this.

Shannon - We went through something similar. My once voracious eater would pick at food, take one or two bites, and be done with it. Then we reached a point where food became a comfort, and still is, but he's now made breakfast his biggest meal of the day so I'm okay with that. I chalk it up to the stress and changes, they can't express it the same way we can. It could just be an age thing as well. As she adjusts it will get easier, for the time being I'd try to make food fun and serve her things you know she'll eat. Their food preferences change so much as this age, it's almost like getting any food into them at all is a success. You can try monkey platters with a wide assortment of different things to snack on, and leave that out during the day for her. I usually do this for breakfast since he'll ask for and eat 3 or 4 breakfasts.


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## MarineWife

Ok, I gotta ask, being from the area. What's so great about Quantico? That's one place I really don't want to go. Maybe it's just because I've btdt.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
MW - But wouldn't he need to sign a form for it to be changed? Does that mean we wouldn't have to worry about it in NY? I'm going to have to figure out who to talk to about this.

I didn't have to do anything to change my tax status. The notice that I might need to file taxes in NC automatically came up on the tax software. Whether or not you have to pay taxes in NY depends on when it was changed. If it was changed at the beginning of the year, I think you'd only have to file in NC (if you want to keep that your state of record). If it happened sometime during the year, you might have to pay partial taxes in each state.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I didn't have to do anything to change my tax status. The notice that I might need to file taxes in NC automatically came up on the tax software. Whether or not you have to pay taxes in NY depends on when it was changed. If it was changed at the beginning of the year, I think you'd only have to file in NC (if you want to keep that your state of record). If it happened sometime during the year, you might have to pay partial taxes in each state.

That makes sense, I'm going to have him talk to the finance folks.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
That makes sense, I'm going to have him talk to the finance folks.

Yeah, I'd do that. Even if you decide you want to leave it NC, I'd want to know how and why it was changed without your knowledge or permission. You'll definitely need to know when it was changed.

I was thinking about what I said about getting that one last move to your home of record when you get out of the military. The more I think about it, the less sense it makes. Some military members move to different states for jobs when they get out. Wouldn't the military move them there rather than back to their home of record so that they'd have to move everything again themselves? Seems to me it makes more sense that you get one move anywhere. What do y'all think?


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Yeah, I'd do that. Even if you decide you want to leave it NC, I'd want to know how and why it was changed without your knowledge or permission. You'll definitely need to know when it was changed.

I was thinking about what I said about getting that one last move to your home of record when you get out of the military. The more I think about it, the less sense it makes. Some military members move to different states for jobs when they get out. Wouldn't the military move them there rather than back to their home of record so that they'd have to move everything again themselves? Seems to me it makes more sense that you get one move anywhere. What do y'all think?

It didn't apply to us for moving to NC, I don't know about moving from. When DH was at BOLC3 we lived in Arizona with all of our stuff in storage in NY. Once we got to NC, we ended up having the big things we took to Arizona moved to NC, in addition to the stuff in storage in NY. So they moved us from two different places and it wasn't an issue.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
It didn't apply to us for moving to NC, I don't know about moving from. When DH was at BOLC3 we lived in Arizona with all of our stuff in storage in NY. Once we got to NC, we ended up having the big things we took to Arizona moved to NC, in addition to the stuff in storage in NY. So they moved us from two different places and it wasn't an issue.

I think it might be a bit different when it's the military moving you from one duty station to another vs. moving you to a permanent home after you have separated from the military.

Let me know what you find out about the state residency stuff. I really want to know how it was changed without your knowledge.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I think it might be a bit different when it's the military moving you from one duty station to another vs. moving you to a permanent home after you have separated from the military.

Let me know what you find out about the state residency stuff. I really want to know how it was changed without your knowledge.

As do I, I have a sneaking suspicion that it happened when he got promoted and someone entered the information. Now that I think of it, my IL's were Maine residents until they bought their current house. The Army moved them to a rental house in NY after my FIL retired. Once they bought their house last year they became NY residents.


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## tryingforbaby

Hi ladies. Can anyone help me out. We will be doing our first PCS to Fort Campbell within 4 weeks. I am trying to find information about birth options in the area. I saw that BACH has 4 CNMs on staff. Do you know if I can choose one as my primary provider or do they just give you a random person. If I get a doctor instead is there any that are more natural birth friendly. Do you know of any doulas in the area. I will be ge getting there when I am about 34 to 35 weeks along. I will know no one and only God knows if I will go into labor on a day that my husband can be there.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tryingforbaby* 
Do you know of any doulas in the area. I will be ge getting there when I am about 34 to 35 weeks along. I will know no one and only God knows if I will go into labor on a day that my husband can be there.

I don't know anything about that MTF. However, there is a program where doulas offer their services for free to women who's military spouse is not home. I'm not sure if it's just during deployment or if it's for any work-related reason. I can't remember the name of the program now. Sorry. I bet if you search one of the larger doula certification organizations you can find info about it.

When I was at Tripler AMC in 2003-04, they had a program they called continuity care. You could choose a specific provider and, if that provider agreed, they would be your primary care provider. All your appointments would be with that person unless s/he was unavailable. I don't know if all the MTFs had such programs or if they are still going on. It's worth a shot to ask. I'm sure you can at least ask to be seen by the CNMs.


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## tryingforbaby

Thank you Marinewife. I just sent an email to Operation Special Delivery.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tryingforbaby* 
Thank you Marinewife. I just sent an email to Operation Special Delivery.

Yeah, that's what it is!


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Ok, I gotta ask, being from the area. What's so great about Quantico? That's one place I really don't want to go. Maybe it's just because I've btdt.

It's our top pick b/c it's non-deployable for DH & we would love to visit all the historical sites nearby. But it is more or less a process of elimination & it comes out on top b/c of the negatives associated w/the other options.







We really can't wait until we can head back home for retirement.


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## sarahb918

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Ok, I gotta ask, being from the area. What's so great about Quantico? That's one place I really don't want to go. Maybe it's just because I've btdt.

I'm probably not qualified to answer this since I haven't actually lived out there yet, but here's why I'm excited.....

I'm from Phoenix, AZ which is a pretty big city. I lived there for 23 years and still never ran out of things to do. I'm currently stuck in New Bern, NC (husband is assigned to MCAS Cherry Point) which is about the size of my thumb. The most "upscale" place to shop here is probably Target if that tells you anything. I ran out of things to do the first month we lived out here and that was after driving out to Jacksonville (LeJeune area) and Morehead City. Some people love living in a small town, but it's not for me.

We just spent the last 4 days in VA and it's much more like home to me. A bit more historical, but it seems like there is a ton of stuff to do out there. At the very least they actually have real malls, haha. I also have some family in Fairfax so that's a plus.

From what I've seen of the base, it looks pretty nice and so does the housing. I'm sure there are downsides to it just like anywhere else, but I'm trying to be optimistic


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## sarahb918

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
It's our top pick b/c it's non-deployable for DH & we would love to visit all the historical sites nearby. But it is more or less a process of elimination & it comes out on top b/c of the negatives associated w/the other options.







We really can't wait until we can head back home for retirement.

Yea my husband doesn't have a ton of options. He can go to MCAS Miramar, MCAS Cherry Point (which we are currently at and not thrilled with it), or Quantico. We wouldn't have minded Miramar because we have friends out there and family close in AZ, but his assignment at Quantico is going to give him some great experience.


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## MarineWife

I'm glad I asked because it gives me a different perspective. There is a lot to do just a short drive away (if you don't count the traffic). I grew up in Fairfax (Vienna, technically, but it's all kind of the same) so all those museums and historical sites were taken for granted. We went on field trips to them every year in school. After a while, it all gets old. Actually, it's kind of funny but one of the stipulations to me agreeing to my dh joining the Marines was that he take me away from there.







I do like to take my kids to the Smithsonian whenever we visit. My family is there so we can go pretty much whenever we want.

My dh has told me the billets there are non-deployable. I've also heard they work such long hours that they aren't home much, either. Of course, coming home almost every night even if it is only for a few hours is better than not coming home for months.

Have you all looked into housing in the area? Are you planning to live on or off base? I'm curious what the homes and towns are like right around Quantico. Stafford was the country when I was growing up. There wasn't anything there but farms.


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## sarahb918

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 

My dh has told me the billets there are non-deployable. I've also heard they work such long hours that they aren't home much, either. Of course, coming home almost every night even if it is only for a few hours is better than not coming home for months.

Have you all looked into housing in the area? Are you planning to live on or off base? I'm curious what the homes and towns are like right around Quantico. Stafford was the country when I was growing up. There wasn't anything there but farms.

Your DH is correct (at least about the squadron that my husband is going to). He won't be deploying, but he will be traveling quite a lot. From what we were told, he could be gone up to two weeks out of each month and sometimes he'll only be given a few hours notice that he's leaving. So there are downsides to it.

You would probably be surprised if you saw Stafford today! There is all kinds of housing. We looked at one detached house and a couple of townhomes all in Stafford. We also liked the area because there were plenty of places to shop and a lot of restaurants. It's not a HUGE city, but there is definitely more out there than there is here in New Bern!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sarahb918* 
You would probably be surprised if you saw Stafford today! There is all kinds of housing. We looked at one detached house and a couple of townhomes all in Stafford. We also liked the area because there were plenty of places to shop and a lot of restaurants. It's not a HUGE city, but there is definitely more out there than there is here in New Bern!

I know there's more housing in Stafford. Last time I was there was in 2002. My stepsister's uncle is a retired Marine and we visited their home there once, which was nice. I didn't check out all the neighborhoods, though, so I didn't get a sense of what the community was like. I'd guess one thing that's nice about Stafford is that you can get a larger home for less than in the Fairfax area. I wonder what Fredericksburg, Dale City and Woodbridge are like. There are lots of restaurants and shops in Fredericksburg, which is close by. Dale City and Woodbridge are closer to DC. Also, southern Alexandria might be more affordable, although some of the areas are sketchy. You'd be going against traffic going to and from Quantico so the commute wouldn't be quite as bad. I think it's only about 20-30 minutes without traffic. Fredericksburg would having you going with traffic but it might not be too bad that far south yet. I do know that a lot of people who work in the Fairfax/DC area live in or near Fredericksburg so there's still a bit of traffic. There's also the VRE train and metro close by. I think VRE actually stops right at Quantico.


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## ~Katie~

New thread


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