# My son acts like a girl - help me please!



## Mamaluu (Dec 12, 2009)

My almost 2.5 year old son is acting like a girl (or just being a very lazy boy) and it really bothers me. I cannot get him to do anything active.

Every time I take him to playground all that he ever wants to do is swing. He rarely ever wants to climb up and go on the slide or do anything that requires moving. Even when he's on the swing he doesn't want to move his legs back and forth to swing himself. With a baby in the carrier, I can't exactly chase him on the playground to make him climb, run, etc. But I do a lot of verbal encouragement and physical chasing (as much as I can) to encourage him to go climb but he never wants to and it makes me want to pull my hair when at the end of my acting/chasing/jumping-around/being-exciting or what not all I hear is "i wanna go on the swing". I cannot believe a child, especially a boy, can be this inactive!

Another thing, he loves to bike (tricycle) and he always wants to bike but every time I take him out on his bike around the neighborhood he moves (peddles) at the slowest speed possible I get tired just standing there waiting for him to get moving. Every time I take him out (1-2times daily) I end up totally annoyed and upset about his pace and my nagging, and I honestly do not enjoy taking him out at all at this point. I spend the whole outing (just around the block) fighting with him because I'm trying to get him to go by saying or physically pushing his bike from behind and he absolutely refuses me to push him because he wants to "do it by myself", and then he doesn't!

Whenever we see kids playing in the neighborhood, he would stop to watch and never move again. He just stands there and watches and watches and watches and I can't get him to leave. Many times I'm so embarrased that he is watching so much. By the way what can I do about this? Is this even common for this age?

This problem bothers me at many levels. 1) It is not healthy that he doesn't get any regular exercise at all, and exercising as part of self-care and wellness is a very important value of mine that I want to pass on to my kids from a very young age. 2) I expect a boy (a man) to be active, energetic and athletic. A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be. 3) Laziness is a trait that I absolutely cannot live with and again I can't believe this is my son! 4) It just makes me mad that I'm totally tired chasing, jumping, yelling, dancing, being exciting, just to get him to move his body and he won't move a single bit. I feel like the biggest idiot, and you know what makes me even angrier?- him misbehaving (throwing, banging, jumping & stepping where he's not supposed to) in the house clearly saying that he's got access energy that needs to be released and I take him outside and he acts like an unmovable stone.

Maybe this post wasn't titled that well - I don't believe girls would even act like this; I should have probably just said that my son is a lazy ass! (sounds terribly mean but this laziness) Help please! What can I do to help him be more active? (the put on music and dance ideas obviously doesn't work here, we're talking a living stone here!)


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## tangledblue (Apr 5, 2008)

Moving slowly at that age sounds normal to me, even for a boy. Kids get distracted, they look around, they are just learning to do things. It's easy to get impatient--I find I have to plan 25 min just to walk to the playground with my 3 y.o. when it is about 4 blocks away.

Also, he might sense that you really want him to move--you've voiced a lot of impatience here and kids do pick up on that. He might be retreating from the pressure that he senses from you.

Finally, you might want to focus a little bit more on his strengths. He sounds like a sweetie, but you should remember that he is his own person and may not turn out in every way as you expect. He might turn out to be a quiet kid who likes to read more than he likes to move--would that be so bad?

He sounds normal to me--just relax and enjoy! He'll be running faster than you soon enough.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

I have a ds like yours. In fact, he came after 3 sisters so his favorite things are pink. It's all good.

He does play in the playground, but mostly sitting in the sand. He'll do the slide a bit, but really he's a chilled kind of guy. My girls are actually much more active. People asked me all the time, what's it like havinga boy after 3 girls, keeps you on your feet, eh?? Well, no, he's a chilled out guy. (playing with babies as I speak...)

Anyway now he' s4, and still a chilled guy. Starting in the womb (we had an extra ultrasouond at 32 weeks and a run to the hospital at 34 weeks both for non movement.

Embrace your son's personality. A lot of what you are seeing might be new sibling itis, needing some more love, attention, and spoiling. As he gets older, you can try to encourage activities he enjoys so he can get excersise. Don't worry, let him grow into himself a bit.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mamaluu*
> This problem bothers me at many levels. 1) It is not healthy that he doesn't get any regular exercise at all, and exercising as part of self-care and wellness is a very important value of mine that I want to pass on to my kids from a very young age. 2) I expect a boy (a man) to be active, energetic and athletic. A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be. 3) Laziness is a trait that I absolutely cannot live with and again I can't believe this is my son! 4) It just makes me mad that I'm totally tired chasing, jumping, yelling, dancing, being exciting, just to get him to move his body and he won't move a single bit. I feel like the biggest idiot, and you know what makes me even angrier?- him misbehaving (throwing, banging, jumping & stepping where he's not supposed to) in the house clearly saying that he's got access energy that needs to be released and I take him outside and he acts like an unmovable stone.


I have not read ay other responses. But...

A lot of people just aren't that athletic. Or interested in sports, being physically active, etc.

When I had my son, I was sure he was going to be an athlete. Baseball player, in particular. Catcher/first baseman. Boy, did I work with him. I cannot tell you how frustrating it was to see my boy hanging out in right field (right field? RIGHT FIELD?!?!?!),), picking flowers and watching the clouds. It was so hard not being "that" parent. He's just never been a real physical person. He gave it a few good shots in MS and HS, but sports just weren't his thing. He's much more into the arts.

Now, my daughter? SHE is my athlete. Plays field hockey year-round, runs to stay in shape, etc. She's the one all the guys want on their team in PE. Played Little League with the biys when she was younger. Plans to study athletic training in college.

All kids are different. Regardless if gender. Chill out a bit, and learn who your son is. Not who you would like him to be, but who he IS. You may be pleasantly surprised.


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## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

http://www.amazon.com/My-Princess-Boy-Cheryl-Kilodavis/dp/1442429887/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325828626&sr=8-1

You may find this book enlightening. There is nothing wrong with your child. There is something wrong with your expectation of 'men'.


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## Chloe'sMama (Oct 14, 2008)

Hey There-

Mother of 2 girls here and both my girls are very active as are many of the girls I know.... Being active is not just a 'boy' thing. At this age, there are not a whole lot of differences between girls and boys, The title of your post was a little offensive to me (an active woman, with 2 active girls)

That being said, my sister has a boy and a girl that are much less active and she needs to work at getting them to be a little more active. If your son only likes to swing at the park, perhaps take him somewhere else so he can explore in different ways. Redlight, ring around the roses, duck duck goose.... My dd1 and I used to play it (just the 2 of us) all the time when it was not great weather outside. Dance parties, freeze.... whatever it takes to get him interested.

Anyways good luck


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

A few things popped out at me. First, kids move at their own pace. It's infuriating and frustrating to parents but it is what it is. Kids, no matter the gender, will just move at their own pace. Try changing your expectation about his tricycle outings. Instead of seeing it as an exercise opportunity see it at an opportunity to soak up some sun and make some vitamin D.

About this swinging, many children (and adults!) find swinging to be soothing. He could be soothing himself with swinging. Did you use a baby swing with him or wear him a lot? If so he might be trying to recreate that motion in order to restore internal peace. Also, swinging is very active, why are you protesting it? Another thing that might be happening is he might be having a fixation/obsession with swinging. He might move on in a month or so after he's had his fill.

One last thing, but have you thought about sensory problems? He might be pokey on his tricycle trips because he's overstimulated by everything he experiencing. Swinging is a good way for children with sensory problems to self-regulate. And getting a lot of nagging from you about his "laziness" might make him withdraw because he can't deal with it.

ETA: I was checking out your other threads and found this one from last year about your hyper toddler. Maybe he finally got the message to calm down?


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## tangledblue (Apr 5, 2008)

Also, I feel compelled to add, I was a little disturbed by this part: "A man like him would just make me want to throw up..."

If your boy senses that from you, he will be very sad indeed, to feel like he is not good enough for mama.

I agree with the advice about learning who he is, not who you want him to be.

From a couple of your other threads it sounds like you have had very high expectations for him--easy to do when he seems so much more mature than your baby, but he is very little still. I am all about empowering kids and having them do things, but they also need to be able to go at their own pace. It's a balancing act for sure.


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## lovepickles (Nov 16, 2010)

I understand you are coming here for support and I really want to give that to you. Your expectations of your son, including a lot of gender stereotyping, is worth taking on as a topic independent of his playground actions. Nagging and pushing your son for not going fast enough on a bicycle sounds pretty extreme. I think the problem is you, frankly. I mean, if the kid can't even ride a bicycle without being criticized then why bother? I'd sit there like a lump too if it would allow me some peace. Ease up, Tiger Mom. I think you've got to some other issues that are surfacing in your relationship with your son. Are you in a stressful transition right now? What is your relationship with the father, or better ... your father?


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I agree that you need to chill. You can't, and shouldn't, force your son to be someone he's not. It won't work, and he'll only resent you for it. And I've never noticed activity level in toddlers being related to gender........


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovepickles*
> 
> I understand you are coming here for support and I really want to give that to you. Your expectations of your son, including a lot of gender stereotyping, is worth taking on as a topic independent of his playground actions. Nagging and pushing your son for not going fast enough on a bicycle sounds pretty extreme. I think the problem is you, frankly. I mean, if the kid can't even ride a bicycle without being criticized then why bother? I'd sit there like a lump too if it would allow me some peace. Ease up, Tiger Mom. I think you've got to some other issues that are surfacing in your relationship with your son. Are you in a stressful transition right now? What is your relationship with the father, or better ... your father?


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

frankly i find your post so offensive in several ways i cannot think of a way to respond that won't get me banned.

what in the world does your son's behavior have to do with sex?

also- "a man like that would make me want to throw up?" what is WRONG with you?


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## sahmof2girls (Feb 9, 2005)

I don't even know hot to respond to this.....HE IS 2.5......I don't know what you want. Kids at that age do what they want. I can not even begin to wonder what you wish to accomplish with this//// I think that you need to take a step back and just enjoy your ds.


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## justrose13 (Jun 23, 2009)

"a man like that would make me want to throw up"... this statement makes me want to vomit! it's so, so wrong on so many levels! and just plain MEAN.


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## mrsdocmartin (Nov 16, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovepickles*
> 
> I understand you are coming here for support and I really want to give that to you. Your expectations of your son, including a lot of gender stereotyping, is worth taking on as a topic independent of his playground actions. Nagging and pushing your son for not going fast enough on a bicycle sounds pretty extreme. I think the problem is you, frankly. I mean, if the kid can't even ride a bicycle without being criticized then why bother? I'd sit there like a lump too if it would allow me some peace. Ease up, Tiger Mom. I think you've got to some other issues that are surfacing in your relationship with your son. Are you in a stressful transition right now? What is your relationship with the father, or better ... your father?


This. I feel nauseated at the thought of you harping at him this way. He can sense the way you feel about him you know. Get some therapy.


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## parsley (May 7, 2011)

What I get from reading your post (which I had hoped was a joke!) is that girl = lazy, submissive; boy = aggressive, impulsive and thoughtless.

and that you are constantly sending a message to your son that you don't like who he is or what he does. While your sexism offends me, your post makes me feel really sad for your son. I can too easily imagine a little kid who's feeling shy and just learning about the world being goaded, teased and yelled at by his mother. It's heartbreaking and I think you need some serious intervention to help both you and your son.


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## 95191 (Nov 8, 2007)

I too am really sicken (as I was with the other recent thread) - these choices of insensitive words and narrow minded views!

VERY VERY SAD FOR THESE CHILDREN

YUCK


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## Eligracey (Apr 28, 2009)

Mama, to call your son a lazy ass and say that how he is makes you want to throw up are pretty harsh things to say about your baby. I really recommend individual therapy for you to help you figure out how to come to a more loving and accepting stance towards your perfectly normal, sweet little boy. I don't think his personality is the problem here. Do you have PPD? Marital problems? Regardless, your attitude towards him is not OK and is very damaging towards him.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Ok... this is where expectations are formed due to what you're told to believe by all the crap around you. Dividing men and women by how they should act is not taking into account that the body is just a temple. That is all. The soul is who you are. You need to step back and understand that you have allowed the conditioning of society to color your views of how to raise a healthy person. Honestly most people are like this. From the mouth of *J. Krishnamurti... "Why don't you change?*"


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I'm going to be very blunt here. The sexism in your post is awful. Kids have different personalities and interests. It's not about being male or female. It's really sad if you can't accept your son the way he is.

As for not being active, everything you mentioned sounds normal for the age. Many people hate pushing kids on swings. I understand that. BTDT. Some kids love to be pushed and take forever to learn to pump their legs. It's annoying. You can set limits if you want.

Also I do understand about the tricycle. One of my kids was the worst rider at that age. I hated that thing. It passed though as it always does. It turned out that the trike wasn't a good fit for him and he couldn't pedal correctly. He did much better on a different type of bike. That may not be the case with your son, but that's just an example. Slow is a normal pace for that age.

As for him not being active enough. He's so young. Many kids that age aren't really ready for playground equipment by themselves. From what you write, it sounds like you're really nagging him a lot. I think stepping back and letting him find his own way would be better. There's plenty of time to let him develop and find activities he likes.

I also hope that you can learn to love him for himself, not what you expect a boy to be.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

a man like your SON makes you want to throw up? oh what a coincidence! A mom like you makes ME want to throw up!

Hey guess what! Some 2 year olds move slowly and want to watch the action! My kid does that. She is plenty active but with new people and new situations, she wants to just sit back and watch for awhile. It has nothing to do with being a GIRL you sexist half brain. It has everything to do with her coming to an age where she understands that social situations require a certain behavior and she wants to be sure she knows it by watching others first.

Tons of people, men and women, aren't very active. and tons of people, men and women, are. Again sexist lady, it has nothing to do with whether they are men or women but what their interests are. I can't stand sports. My husband is wholly uninterested in being any more active than required for his job. It doesn't mean any of us are LAZY.. we still get everything done that needs to be done. We are still healthy. We are also HAPPY.

Your kid is only 2 and you are already yelling at him about being lazy. You are already nagging and fighting with him and getting mad when his pace isn't the same as yours. When he hits those teenage rebellious years and never wants to be around you and says he doesn't like you? Remember how you were calling him a LAZY ASS when he was only TWO and already telling him he's acting like a girl... and ask yourself if it's just teenage rebellion or if you brought it on your damn self.

He's two. He needs a loving supporting home, unconditionally. He doesn't need to be told he's lazy and acting too much like a girl. He needs you to love him and find ways to give him an environment he needs. If he won't ride his trike around the block, what about in the drive way? what about playing in the yard? Maybe he'd do better in a gymnastics class for exercise. figure out what he needs rather than treating him like scum for not fitting into what YOU want.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Hey all, we shouldn't be bullying this woman. She's just closed minded and set in an idea that honestly is detrimental to raising a healthy child. Lets just tell her she needs to rethink her mindset and move on. She's obviously too entrenched in this negative thought pattern that we all might be wasting out time anyway.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

The fact that you feel that a lazy ass boy (your words not mine) = a girl really disgusts me, and not just because I have two daughters. I hope your son never hears any of the thoughts you posted because it would certainly be incredibly hurtful to him.


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

It sounds like you're in a classic power struggle. Inside, your ds acts out because he wants your attention. Outside, he acts out in a different way, again, because he wants your attention. His gender has nothing to do with this - he's expressing his toddler-hood. Toddlers act out to test their power in the world. When your son gets your attention, he's powerful.

The only way to change his behavior is to change your behavior. Re-structure your space so that there are fewer ways for your son to get into trouble outside. How can you avoid having areas in your house where your son isn't allowed to step? What's the safe place in your house for him to run and jump? Try to minimize your intervention to health and safety issues, and praise the behavior you want to see so that he gan exercise his power in a positive way. When you're outside, try to find some zen with his choices. He's going to do what he wants to do. You don't need to find ways to make him run. He will want to do it on his own eventually. As much as you can, focus on the positive. Make sure he feels your approval when he is approaching or attempting the exercise you want him to get. When he's not doing as much, take a breath, step back, let him do what he needs to. Save your intervention for when it's needed for health and safety.

Short of maiming household pets, I can't think of anything my children could conceivably do that would make me want to throw up. And my kids are no angels - my 3yo made herself barf at the dinner table when we failed to honor her objections to tofu, and we once had to have a very serious talk with our 10yo about exactly how not OK it is to tell your little sister that if she takes a break from Candyland to use the bathroom, you're going to put the game away and stop playing with her. Just like your conflicts with your ds, these situations were both about power. Your feeling that your son's behavior is repulsive suggests that you've let yourself get over-invested in controlling your child's behavior. I don't know how the gender issue wound up in there, but I'm going to guess it reflects a long personal history of living with gender-specific expectations for behavior. For 2-10 year-olds, age and development play a much bigger role in determining behavior than gender (and even then, only because girls are starting to hit puberty and the hormones can be wacky). Certainly, you're not going to improve your son's behavior by telling him he's too girly. Step back, take a deep breath, try to find a little zen.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

OK.. first, I'm just going to say it. WHY is it always so bad to act like a girl? It's bad if girls act like girls, it's bad if boys act like girls. "You throw like a girl" "You run like a girl" I am a girl, I have a daughter, why are girls always the less preferred sex around here?

ANYWAY..... Back to the subject. There are very different kind's of kids. Some are the daredevils, some are the observers, some need to watch for a while, then they feel more comfortable and join in. We are all born with different temperaments. Not every kid fits well into his family. But, usually as we all grow together, we find out we like those parts of our kids more than we thought we would.

My own daughter didn't really fit into the ideas I had of her. I gave her a strong name that I thought would fit her well, and I bought her the kind's of clothes I thought would be her personality....but, pretty soon, she let me know that she isn't the person I envisioned. She had her own ways of doing things, she liked different things than I wanted her to like.

I put her in soccer, because that's what the cool kids do. She ran a little, but never really tried. She's not competitive. So, I put her in gymnastics...but, turned out, she wasn't a risk taker. So, I begrudgingly put her in dance.... I hated the idea of being a dance mom... of walking around carrying a pink satin bag with little tap shoes and tights...but, I thought I'd give it a try... I sat in the room with moms who wore bedazzled blue jeans and high heels, and shirts with rhinestones. (gag) My daughter came out happy and excited for her next class.... she pretended to tap dance ALL. THE. TIME. Everywhere. She learned to shimmy, and shimmied all over the house. It was annoying for a while.

But, by the end of the first year, I was hooked too. I loved it, I loved spraying sparkle spray on the girls, I loved making bows and scrunchies for her hair. I'm still friends with all those bedazzled women.

So, it took me five years, but I figured out that my daughter was exactly the kid I needed, and fit my lifestyle perfectly.

She's slow, she's pokey, she takes forever to get from the car to the store...it still drives me nuts. But, I live with it.

Now, she's grown, and she's a total geek..... her geekieness is beyond my comprehension. So, when I was buying gifts for her, I went to Etsy, found things I thought she might like, then asked the owner of the Etsy store to explain it to me, and help me buy her weird "DR Who" Iphone case and T-shirt. She's a weird girl, but I am learning to embrace her weirdness, and respect that I usually have NO clue what she's talking about.


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Okay, OP, you've had some harsh, but honest, responses, so I'm going to take a deep breath and moderate my own reply and focus on your concerns about your son's activity level and behaviour.

1. It is completely normal and typical for some children to watch others at play and take their time before joining in, if they ever do. Perhaps he likes individual play rather than group/team play. Perhaps he's introverted and needs time to gauge how others are playing and needs to make a personal connection before he joins in with others. Perhaps he's perfectionistic and needs to be sure that he won't mess up before he tries an activity. Perhaps he's content to enjoy the theatrics of others, rather than performing himself. None of those things is bad or evil. None of them reveals a horrible fatal personality flaw.

2. Upthread, a pp mentioned sensory overload as a possible explanation for his hesitation and inactivity. Another possible explanation is that he has low muscle tone and/or a tendency to early muscle fatigue. This isn't a disability requiring therapy but it does tend to affect activity levels. Sports like swimming, gymnastics and dance (yes, boys dance and it requires a huge amount of athletic ability) are helpful to develop overall muscle tone, strength and endurance.

3. I really hesitate to raise this next possibility, but I hope you will consider it with empathy and understanding for your son, and not blame or fault. Perhaps this is a way that he has found (not consciously or intentionally) to keep your attention and get you involved with playing with him, rather than focusing on the baby. Even if you are giving him mostly negative attention and critical feedback while he is at the playground, he may be craving some one-on-one time with you. It is a negative cycle with him engaging in behaviour that you disapprove of, but it attracts your attention and involvement. I have no idea if this is the case. If it is, then the answer is to give him lots of positive support and attention and encouragement, not just at the playground but otherwise as well.

I agree with promoting healthy, active lifestyles, but the emphasis must be on *healthy* - not just physical health, but also emotional and psychological too. Help him figure out what kinds of activity he enjoys and wants to participate in, and support him in those endeavours.

FWIW, I agree with pp that you need to examine your attitudes about gender and play and your emotions and reactions to your son, and work on accepting him as he is, not as you want him to be.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

olly, you're so smart. and nice.


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree*
> 
> 2. Upthread, a pp mentioned sensory overload as a possible explanation for his hesitation and inactivity. Another possible explanation is that he has low muscle tone and/or a tendency to early muscle fatigue. This isn't a disability requiring therapy but it does tend to affect activity levels. Sports like swimming, gymnastics and dance (yes, boys dance and it requires a huge amount of athletic ability) are helpful to develop overall muscle tone, strength and endurance.


This. Though, honestly, an OT evaluation wouldn't hurt. Unaddressed sensory issues can often look like a slow, pokey kid (or a hyper, off-the-wall kid, like my "boyish" little girl), and both tone and sensory issues can leave long-lasting problems when not picked up early.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I have a 2.5y DS that often just watches. His favorite thing on the playground is the swing, he will sit in one for hours and hours. When I finally can not push anymore, he gets down, makes one circle around the playground and comes right back to the swings signing more. Ok, then. He does run and jump just not always when I'd like him to. Like at the playground where he can burn off some energy instead of bouncing off my couches at home, but oh why. Kids this age learn by watching while he is standing there watching other children play, he is making important observations about ay too many things to list and yes some of them might be, "well, I certainly don't want to do that." but is is important behavior anyway. He may too be overwhelmed to run around at a park or join in with other children, a 2 year old is still very immature. And if he turns out not to be a rockstar at sports that is ok, there are many, many people out there that would rather do something else then play baseball, just my example of a sport. And they are all ok. The more you try to force children to be what you what them to be, the more they do the exact opposite. And I do say it from experience coming from a family where my father prized sports over anything else. ANd I was the uncoordinated child that just couldn't do it, and I didn't want to, I would rather study or read a book. It developed into a lifelong fear of doing anything like that in front of other people. I would love to take an exercise class but I'm too scared to even do that. Someday I will work on that fear but for now, I stick to work out in the safety of my own house where no one can laugh or taunt me, I know that really wouldn't happen, but 30 years later, my father's words still echo in my mind, wanting me to try harder, to be better, that I could do it, when I just could not, that was my best. And me. Very accident prone me, gave birth to a girl who is obsessed with sports, and quite talented at many, many of them. Our children are who they are.


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *hildare*
> 
> olly, you're so smart. and nice.


Aww, thanks







! Although, in this case, honestly it was easy to swallow what I was originally going to write because so many got there before me!


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Please, tell me this post is a joke...did someone hack your account? And is posting bizarre, sexist things under your name? If not, you really need to relax. He's 2. Not a man, a little, little boy, who is testing the waters and taking his time. The disgust in your post about your son makes me really sad for him and I hope you can work through it so you don't perpetuate your lack of respect for him for the rest of his life.

And if it seems as though he is inactive because of a sensory/physical issue rather than your warped perspective, then yes I agree with posters above about the OT evaluation.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Boudicca~*
> 
> Please, tell me this post is a joke...did someone hack your account? And is posting bizarre, sexist things under your name? If not, you really need to relax. He's 2. Not a man, a little, little boy, who is testing the waters and taking his time. The disgust in your post about your son makes me really sad for him and I hope you can work through it so you don't perpetuate your lack of respect for him for the rest of his life.
> 
> And if it seems as though he is inactive because of a sensory/physical issue rather than your warped perspective, then yes I agree with posters above about the OT evaluation.


I don't see it as disgust at all. She's frustrated with the slowness, and unwillingness to try new things. She's not disgusted with him. We all get frustrated with our kids from time to time.


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nextcommercial*
> 
> I don't see it as disgust at all. She's frustrated with the slowness, and unwillingness to try new things. She's not disgusted with him. We all get frustrated with our kids from time to time.


I don't know. "Sickened," "lazy ass," being embarrassed by a 2.5 yr old who prefers to watch others - those aren't the phrases people use to describe typical, healthy feelings about their children, never mind the incredibly offensive and damaging gender expectations.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mamaluu*
> A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be.


Um, this sounds like she's disgusted with her son, not just frustrated.


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## coffeegirl (Jan 1, 2008)

OP- have you considered maybe your son doesn't like being outside? He could be sensitive to the sun, maybe doesn't like extremes in weather or possibly has allergies that make him feel itchy/icky in a non-specific way that he wouldn't be able to verbalize to you yet. I was real sensitive to the sun when I was a kid. I got very sluggish and tired. But put me in a gym with other kids or outside on a cloudy day and I was full of energy. Just a thought.


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *coffeegirl*
> 
> OP- have you considered maybe your son doesn't like being outside? He could be sensitive to the sun, maybe doesn't like extremes in weather or possibly has allergies that make him feel itchy/icky in a non-specific way that he wouldn't be able to verbalize to you yet. I was real sensitive to the sun when I was a kid. I got very sluggish and tired. But put me in a gym with other kids or outside on a cloudy day and I was full of energy. Just a thought.


In addition to this, something an OT eval would help determine, have you had your boy's eyes checked? Some kids can seem standoffish when they actually can't even really see what's going on- climbing a slide would be terrifying if you couldn't see how high it is, etc.

If you really feel strongly that his behavior is not typical, go through medical rule-outs *first*. Standoffishness can be indicative of anything from personality type to ASDs.

If it turns out there's something *off* with him, you're going to really hate yourself for judging him so harshly.

Also? HE'S 2.5. Toddlers are weird ducks, even perfectly neurotypical ones.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mamaluu*
> 
> My almost 2.5 year old son is acting like a girl (or just being a very lazy boy) and it really bothers me. I cannot get him to do anything active.
> 
> ...


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ErinYay*
> 
> I don't know. "Sickened," "lazy ass," being embarrassed by a 2.5 yr old who prefers to watch others - those aren't the phrases people use to describe typical, healthy feelings about their children, never mind the incredibly offensive and damaging gender expectations.


This is the stuff I'm referring too. Yeah, I've definitely been frustrated and annoyed by my kids, but I feel like from the OP's post that her feelings have wandered from typical OMG-my-kid-and-his-weird-ways-are-bugging-the-crap-out-of-me to straight up thinly veiled dislike for a little kid. I think it is worth her really exploring why she feels so strongly about how "manly" her 2 y/o is acting.


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## zebu (Sep 18, 2007)

OP, I hope we haven't scared you away, because I can maybe, kind of, sort of relate in a way.

But first, if you have a problem with your son liking only the swing at the playground, then that is a problem with you being over-critical. If you have a problem with men who prefer quieter activities over athletics, then you are being over-critical. I've looked up some of your old posts. If you feel like there's always something about your boy needs to be fixed, then you are being over-critical. This is a very hard thing to admit, but I know about being over-critical because I've been there. I'm inclined to criticize, because I had three very over-critical parents. It's taken a lot of work to break that pattern. Learning radical acceptance helped me tremendously. Please take a look at it. Good luck to you!


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## MsDolphin (Jan 5, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree*
> 
> Okay, OP, you've had some harsh, but honest, responses, so I'm going to take a deep breath and moderate my own reply and focus on your concerns about your son's activity level and behaviour.
> 
> ...


Well said.

To OP - first I think your thread is mis-titled. It would have been better than say "My toddler is in-active ... please help me". I think it's normal for toddlers to stare at other children playing. My DS (16 months) does it all the time when we are out walking or at a park. I think it's just they way to sit back and observe, they may not yet know how to go interact and join in the playing. If you think your DS's level of activity is that low, I think you should ask your doctor about it.


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## Snowflake777 (Jan 6, 2011)

OP, the way you talk about your child hurts my heart. Poor kid.


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## fizgig (Aug 3, 2007)

Wow, I will try to be constructive but I will also be perfectly blunt. I think you need serious therapy as soon as possible. Your son can surely sense that he makes you want to "throw up" and your gender expectations are damaging to him (and any other children you might have). As a "girl" I take offense at the title of your post and your assumption that men and women are supposed to have different activity levels. I a strong, athletic woman. We all have strengths and weaknesses and should be valued for who we are not what others expect us to be.

Beyond your very out dated and wrong headed gender issues, I don't know what is going on with your son - he could just be less active or there could be something happening. But either way you putting pressure on him will not help. There are two things possibly happening right now and they are both awful for your poor child.

1) It is possible that he just isn't that active in which case you are sending him the clear message that you don't love him for the person he is. What a truly terrible thing to express to your child.

Or 2) There is something going on with him (maybe gross motor delay or some kind of sensory processing issue, or maybe something else entirely) and rather than helping him work through his issues you are showing him that you can't be counted on to support him.

I hope the responses here will encourage you to reevaluate your own issues if at least for the sake of your son.


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## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mamaluu*
> 
> My almost 2.5 year old son is acting like a girl (or just being a very lazy boy) and it really bothers me. I cannot get him to do anything active. . A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be.


OP: Many have commented my thoughts on this already, but I do want to be sure that I get in here and speak up for your little child. He needs support and encouragement for who he is in this world, separate from your skewed ideas about gender and such. Look for his strengths, celebrate them, and get yourself into some counselling to deal with your own issues, which are clearly reflecting on your ability to gently and lovingly parent your son.


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

I have that little boy too. And he's awesome. 

My son has always been a cautious one. When he was 2.5, I did find myself jealous of the other toddlers who would run along at a good clip, while I was coaxing him along from rock to rock and bush to bush, trying not to lose patience. I often wondered if he was getting enough exercise. It was sometimes hard to be patient with him when I wanted to move more than 0.1 miles/hour. Sometimes it still is.

Now, at almost 3, he will happily run down the road, pulling his little sled, run all around the gym, climb the walls, or ride his balance bike. Sometimes. Other times all he'll do is be absorbed moving his plastic truck back and forth in the snow. He's still the kid who hangs back and plays with blocks in the corner when other kids are being wild and boisterous together. He's still the kid who absolutely refuses to try sledding, even down the smallest hill. He wouldn't even attempt a playground slide until well after kids who were 6 months younger. He prefers legos and books to play wrestling and tag.

I think sometimes, all parents look around at other people's kids and wish ours were a little more like theirs. And then we have to take a breath, step back, and look at all the ways our own kids are amazing. My boy is cautious, a watcher, and strong willed (he will definitely push back if I'm impatiently trying to get him to do something). And that's OK. Outdoors activity and exercise are important to me too. And it does happen. I have continued to take him out, exploring new things, and gently coaxing him along to find ways we can both enjoy the world together.


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## fizgig (Aug 3, 2007)

Ok I went and looked at some of your other posts because I was so shocked by the tone you have toward your son in this one. I see a few things happening and I wanted to try to be more constructive.

1. It looks to me like you have had a really tough time parenting your son from an early age. From what I can see things have not and are not going as you expected. I don't know what is really going on but there are two things I imagine could contribute to this:

A) You had unrealistic expectations for what being a parent would be like. It seems like this is at least partly true. Kids are hard, they go through oppositional stages, they don't comply well a lot of the time, and you won't get happy-happy quiet time playing with DH and DS in the evening very often. I'm honestly wondering if there isn't something going on with you? I don't mean that critically, I mean that perhaps you have unresolved PPD or depression? I know DH and I are both struggling with PTSD from DS being very sick his first 11 months. It has negatively impacted our ability to be a good parent and we are having to work on those issues to make sure we don't over react to things.

B) It is also possible that there is something going on with you son that makes him more difficult to deal with and this is making it hard for you to implement the advice you get for other kids. Our DS has sensory seeking behaviors and is also language delayed. It has made him about a million times more active than most children. Add his language issues and he can be a powder keg and all the parenting advice out there just doesn't work with DS. Over the years that had made me feel incompetent, like I'm failing, like I am just not able to handle things as well as everyone else. Now I know that my DS really IS harder to deal with. I love him exactly the way he is and wouldn't change him for the world but it can be hard to see other kids his age who listen, comply with requests, don't freak out about little things, but DS is who my son is and he needs my help. Its not easy but it is my job and I need to find a way to make it happen for him.

2. It also looks to me like you have a very traditional gendered life with your husband working and you at home with fairly strict division of labor. I'm also a SAHM and I have no issue with people doing whatever works for their family, but adhering to really strict gender divisions of labor coupled with really old-fashioned ideas about what men and women should be like is increasingly not in step with the larger world and will make things very hard for your children if you teach them such strict roles. Unless you are isolated in a very traditional community, people are going to find your position strange and off-putting and you need to help your children be prepared for that no matter what your own gender beliefs are.

No matter what is going on I would definitely bring your son for an evaluation to make sure he isn't struggling with something. That way you can help him in a productive and supportive way. I would start with your ped and request an Occupational Therapy evaluation and see what happens.

Finally I will add that this is a forum for attachment parenting and a key feature of AP in my mind is meeting our children where they are. Responding to their unique needs in a loving, positive, and attentive way and I feel like you are not able to do this for your son right now. He needs you to love him and be his cheerleader no matter what the world says and I think your own issues are preventing you from doing that.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Uhhh.... WHAT?!?!??!

You would hate my kid. He's just about 3yo and he doesn't move. He doesn't run around & play and he doesn't dance and he doesn't pedal his trike around the block or even walk around it, for that matter. His favorite activities are reading, sitting on the floor playing his guitar, and being in my arms. He is an absolutely wonderful kid & I love him to death and he drives me nuts & I vent constantly about his issues but no way on earth does he make me want to throw up.







This might be one of the saddest posts I've ever read.

I understand your concerns about his lack of activity but it's really hard to respond constructively because of the tone of your post. All I can say is, some kids are more active than others. Some kids are active in different ways, too. My DS has an incredibly active mind, he takes in and remembers EVERYTHING, he can learn how to do things just by watching someone once or twice. His hands are often active and he has fine motor skills far ahead of his age. If you have developmental concerns, he's still young enough that you could have him evaluated by Early Intervention for free. Sometimes sensory issues could show up like this, or motor planning problems. Or it could just be his personality. But I do think you need to work on your attitude toward him before anything else.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Uh...my ds, who will be three (!!!!) on tuesday, cannot ride a tricycle, let alone go fast on one. I think your expectations are WAY out of whack. He likes to ride is trike. Great! Thats physical movement, and exercise. So he's slow, be patient, let him stop and smell the flowers, encourage him! Tell him how wonderful he's doing, and how much you love watching him ride his trike - he'll probably get better with practice and time. Mostly time, right now its about the motor skills just not being there quite yet. Be patient, he will get better.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Well, I agree with what a lot of other posters have said about the fact that he is a little boy, and you are expecting way too much. I dont think that any child of his age can be a "boy" or a "girl" any more than any other kid. I think they are babies







If you are concerned about him "acting like a girl" I think its you that needs to change, not him or his behavior. If you are truly concerned about his lack of movement and exercise, Id see a doctor about it. I agree with the general attitude that your thoughts and feelings about gender/sex are really screwed up, and I just have one question to ask you:

What if your child IS a girl, inside? What if he grows up and tells you that he wants to live as a woman, that he wants to be a girl, and that he has always felt like a girl? Transexuality/ transgender is a reality for man people. It could happen, even to your kid. How are you going to react if something like that happens? Are you going to remember this internet posting and kick yourself for being so thoughtless and insensitive?

The part that really grosses me out is that even when you went back and edited your OP, it's still so offensive that I can barely comment without saying really, really mean things.


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## Melaniee (Apr 15, 2002)

OP, your post hurts my heart.  I hope you can take what some of the other PPers have said constructively and think long and hard about them.


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## Mamaluu (Dec 12, 2009)

Reading all your comments make me cry.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nextcommercial*
> 
> I don't see it as disgust at all. She's frustrated with the slowness, and unwillingness to try new things. She's not disgusted with him. We all get frustrated with our kids from time to time.


At least ONE person out of the entire forum is able to see through my comments and venting (and the fact that much of my expressions aren't literal) and see what it really is -- a frustrated mother at the 24th hour of the day, deparate, tired, lonesome, had no one to vent to, and, just, frustrated.

If any of you NEVER get frustrated with your kids, NEVER had a bad day and NEVER just rant & vent when you talk/write, and NEVER had a less-than-loving thought about your kids even at theirs & your worst moments (honestly), go ahead and give me those harsh words that you said to me.

Just to clarify, when I say I'm "yelling" on the playground I meant yelling as in being enthusiastic and exciting and cheering to my son encouraging him to go on the slide. Any kind of "pushing" that I say I do, are all done in a cheering encouraging way rather than a literal rough-handling physical or verbal push. When I'm with him, I encourage him. I don't criticize him. I don't judge him. I don't use harsh words on him. You have all mis-understood me.

I am crying from reading all your responses. I am sad that this is the time I need the most support, a time I am the least lovable, the least composed-enough to speak in ways that please people, a time when all I want to do is cry on someone's shoulder and vent freely without having to worry about what I vent and what people think of me, and I get judgement and harshness. How many of you really know my situation enough to judge me (speaking of me judging my son)? How many of you know what kind of frustration and rage I was in when I wrote this post at the 24th hour of the day handling the kids 24/7 all by myself while my husband's gone travel to work for the whole week and we had just moved to a foreign place where I know nobody and nowhere, and that my 12-month old is still nursing around the clock like a newborn therefore I couldn't even finish writing a paragraph without a crying baby nursing interruption when the baby (and me) is supposed to be sleeping? Which one of you have actually seen a real interaction I've had with my son to know what kind of mother I am? I happen to be a very loving gentle mother. Not that I need to proove it to you but friends who know me well would agree. And it just so happened that I actually saw a child psychologist fairly recently to help us help our son through a very difficult move and trasitional season for our family, and this child psychologist was amazed at how many things I was doing right with my son and amazed at the great job I was doing with our kids. (Now don't go discredit or judge this child psychologist because you don't know him/her either).

About gender (or me being sexiest) - I'm sorry you are offended. I kind of knew my title was going to be a problem to some people and I didn't mean to gender-steriotype at all, but again, with a crying baby nursing like a newborn, I didn't have time to go back and change it after realizing how it was coming out. If you fully read my post you would have seen at the end where I said that I didn't title the post correctly. Before you call me all these names ("sexiest" and "gender-steriotyping" or "closed minded" and outdated"), I happen to be a very active girl - I ran, I weight-trained, I squated and benched with men (I can squat more than some men can). Also, I don't do make-up and when I was a little girl I didn't wear much skirts. How is that for gender steriotyping female? More, I've always earned more money than my male counterparts in my career (oh yeah and I do have a career). How is that for "traditional gender roles"? More, I'm a female engineer (that means I worked in a non-traditional environment for female, in a male dominant industry. And you still want to call me "gender-steriotyping", "closed minded" or "outdated"? I broke just about every gender-steriotype there is about female myself. But you must admit that boys are different from girls and that "most" boys (did you see me highlighting the word "most"?) are physically stronger, more active, more into sports and more athletic than girls. The fact that (if it is a fact) this difference doesn't start appearing yet in toddler years is not something I was aware of. Saying that my son is being like a girl with his less-active traits is not so wrong. If you as a girl/woman is offended when I say girls are generally less active, then you examine yourself on why YOU think being less active is so bad when all it is is just a trait. He really doesn't have to be athletic to be "good enough for me", but did I mention that I don't think growing up as a couch potato and on video game is very healthy? With advanced technology and being in a modern world, it is an increasing problem that kids these days don't get enough exercise. I'm just feeling strongly about developing good healthy habits of daily exercise when I raise my kids. I want to give them the best, including a healthy habit.

Now, a less-active trait isn't bad. My son appears to be less active and it bothers me and I had explained why. It certainly isn't that I'm discriminating agaist all the less-active people, but I had explained specific reasons why my son's inactiveness is bothering me. Just to take one example specifically, I get frustrated when he is jumping up the roof at home and mis-behaving because he's got excess energy that needs releasing, I go through all the trouble, pack the baby, and take him to a place where I can "support" (again, being loving, gentle, and supportive) his need to release that excess energy and jump & run free as he'd like, he stands there and stares, not wanting to move his body at all. That makes me frustrated. Another example, he announces his strong desire to ride the bike to the park, so I go through the trouble, pack the baby again, to do exactly what he wants, and he doesn't pedel or pedels extremely slowly. (by the way it's not that he is incapable, I've seen him pedal at a more normal speed when he wants to). He doesn't want me to push him(his bike from behind), he doesn't want to go home, he wants to ride his bike and he wants to ride it to the park. Again, he is not exactly pedaling/riding, but he doesn't want anything else and my back hurts from wearing my 32lb baby for the last 45 minutes that we've been trying to "ride to the park", by now it's dark, and it's chilly; baby's hands are cold; his hands are cold; I'm cold; I'm hungry; it's dinner time; baby's hungry; baby doesn't want to be in the carier any longer; baby is fighting screaming yelling and crying to get out of the carrier; I'm not gonna put baby down because we're on the street; doesn't it sound to you like we should just hurry up and go home? or at least "start" going home? It's dinner time and it's dark and cold and baby is yelling & crying. NOW let's have a second look at the 2.5 year old who won't pedal and refuses to be pushed or helped in any way. You get me now?

On me being harsh to my son - Just to clarify - I've never said any of those harsh words to my son (not even one-tenth as harsh as you've said to me in this thread). Again, without having seen me interact with my kids in person you just don't know. My son has never heard the word "lazy" (or anything to that affect) coming out of my mouth directed at him. Has it ever occured to you that the words I'm using in my original post come out of an extreme frustration (and plain being tired) and I'm just saying whatever comes up? I don't ever use harsh or judgemental words on my son. I don't even ever use the phrase "good boy" when I praise him because I'm so conciencious about using "non-judgemental "words when I address his appropriate or inappropriate behaviors. (I bet some of you didn't even know this one when you talk about being judgemental, did you?) While I never use the phrase "good boy" (as if I had the place to judge that he is a good person), I rarely ever use any judgemental words even on his less-desirable behaviors (such as "lazy", "bad", etc). You all just have the wrong idea about what kind of mean mother I am.

On me being critical - You haven't walked a mile in my shoes. I know that I can be quite critical. But like I said, you haven't walked a mile in my shoes; you don't know what kind of critical mother and critical voices I was raised with, and you certainly have no idea how far I've come along on this topic with continuous diligent hard work on myself. And now are you judging me for who I am or are you accepting me for who I am like you are telling me to do with my son?

On seeing a therapist - it really is so easy to say "this woman got problems and she needs to see a therapist". Are you saying that I'm a mess? While we all have our own issues I felt pretty bad hearing that general "advice" saying that there is something wrong with me. I feel like I'm being treated as if as I was crazy and not normal. And being psycho-analyzed by a non-professional is not a good feeling. It's certainly not like I'm perfect, but do you have your issues and baggages sometimes too? Are you flawless? And do you like to be thrown with that comment? You don't even know me, it's not your place to say. And by the way, I'm not afraid to admit that as a perfectly normal individual I do have my issues and I have actually worked with a therapist in the past. (now just don't use that against me by saying "ah-hah, i knew there was something wrong with her!) I am just a human being, like you.

I have no doubt that I am a loving proud mother. Anyone who's seen me with my kids sees my loving ways with them, and my in-laws adore the gentle and assertive ways I am with their grandchildren. I don't deserve the judgements you had passed onto me at my lowest moments. I am so sad to read your responses and I'm not feeling like I ever want to come back to this forum for support or a heart-to-heart talk again.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mamaluu*
> 
> Before you call me all these names ("sexiest" and "gender-steriotyping" or "closed minded" and outdated"), I happen to be a very active girl - I ran, I weight-trained, I squated and benched with men (I can squat more than some men can). Also, I don't do make-up and when I was a little girl I didn't wear much skirts. How is that for gender steriotyping female? More, I've always earned more money than my male counterparts in my career (oh yeah and I do have a career). How is that for "traditional gender roles"? More, I'm a female engineer (that means I worked in a non-traditional environment for female, in a male dominant industry. And you still want to call me "gender-steriotyping", "closed minded" or "outdated"? I broke just about every gender-steriotype there is about female myself. *But you must admit that boys are different from girls and that "most" boys (did you see me highlighting the word "most"?) are physically stronger, more active, more into sports and more athletic than girls.* The fact that (if it is a fact) this difference doesn't start appearing yet in toddler years is not something I was aware of. Saying that my son is being like a girl with his less-active traits is not so wrong. .


Personally, I think the bolded is a direct result of how society treats young girls and the expectations they place on young boys (most of the time by their parents who dont want them to be "weak" or "lazy" or "like a girl") Quite honestly, I dont think that you making money, not wearing skirts, and doing weight training makes you "breaking every gender stereotype out there". I wear skirts, I dont have a job, and I am still not saying that its okay for girls to be less active than boys. I'm sorry, but I do think that opinion makes you someone who is gender- stereotyping, close-minded, and outdated. And quite honestly, outdated is what it is. Saying that boys are different than girls when it comes to physical abilities and interests (and most importantly, that it is okay that boys are stronger, more physically active, and have a greater interest in sports (ie, are more competitive) is just not current in the world of women who claim to be "breaking gender stereotypes." It is a first or second wave ideal that has been abandoned by progressive women for almost 20 years now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third-wave_feminism


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

OP, you can't expect anyone to understand your mindset. In your original post you painted yourself as someone who was disgusted by their child and had an expectation that just wasn't being met. You were sickened by who he was. I joke and I tease about my kids. I mean I call them Crotch fruit and discuss my little ones unibrow and third nipple. But I've never once said or felt that I was disgusted and sickened by the expectations that were not met. I expected my youngest to be just as brilliant as her father and sister. And she's not. She's not daft but she's nowhere as smart. But I could never say harsh things about who she is due to the fact that her sister read fluently at 4 and she just reading at 7. She different, so different. Yet she's so fun and so interesting. I adore her silly songs and funny jokes.

I realize you're in a dark place and maybe just maybe you'll see that your son is normal. He's not the problem. Your frustration with his inability to do the things you expect are not his problem they are yours. I'm sorry your were hurt by what was said. I feel bad that you did not get the help you wanted. But with the information we were given... it was harsh and cruel towards a toddler.


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## zebu (Sep 18, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mamaluu*
> 
> I am crying from reading all your responses. I am sad that this is the time I need the most support, a time I am the least lovable, the least composed-enough to speak in ways that please people, a time when all I want to do is cry on someone's shoulder and vent freely without having to worry about what I vent and what people think of me, and I get judgement and harshness. How many of you really know my situation enough to judge me (speaking of me judging my son)? How many of you know *what kind of frustration and rage I was in when I wrote this post at the 24th hour of the day handling the kids 24/7 all by myself while my husband's gone travel to work for the whole week and we had just moved to a foreign place where I know nobody and nowhere, and that my 12-month old is still nursing around the clock like a newborn therefore I couldn't even finish writing a paragraph without a crying baby nursing interruption when the baby (and me) is supposed to be sleeping?* Which one of you have actually seen a real interaction I've had with my son to know what kind of mother I am? I happen to be a very loving gentle mother. Not that I need to proove it to you but friends who know me well would agree. And it just so happened that I actually saw a child psychologist fairly recently to help us help our son through a very difficult move and trasitional season for our family, and this child psychologist was amazed at how many things I was doing right with my son and amazed at the great job I was doing with our kids. (Now don't go discredit or judge this child psychologist because you don't know him/her either).


So, the bolded part - is this what you were ragey about? Because the ragey tone in your original post were directed toward your son's low-key style of play. Can you see why we would be confused?

Here is a quote from your OP: (bolding is mine)

"This problem bothers me at many levels. 1) It is not healthy that he doesn't get any regular exercise at all, and exercising as part of self-care and wellness is a very important value of mine that I want to pass on to my kids from a very young age. *2) I expect a boy (a man) to be active, energetic and athletic. A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be. 3) Laziness is a trait that I absolutely cannot live with and again I can't believe this is my son! 4) It just makes me mad* that I'm totally tired chasing, jumping, yelling, dancing, being exciting, just to get him to move his body and he won't move a single bit."

Do these words still ring true to you?

I have to say, when I get really stressed, the critical voice starts creeping in. I've learned to admit when I'm wrong, when I'm nitpicking, and I tell myself to just shut up and relax. Trying to convince myself that I'm right only causes more pain.


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## lovepickles (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm sure I can speak for most when I say that we are all in favor of supporting you in becoming the best version of yourself. I'm not a professional and although I'm not sure if any of the other responders are either I do agree that you didn't get the kind of feedback you need to get through this. I couldn't do it because I was personally triggered by your post for a variety of reasons. I had a very strong reaction to your rant ... I actually had trouble sleeping after reading it. As someone who rants frequently in my personal life I've learned how truly isolating it can be. For that reason, now, I vent to my therapist and we are getting to the bottom of some of those issues that come up during those rants. He's really great at not being personally triggered by my issues. It helps and I'm a better wife and mother for investing in my own personal growth.


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## sahmof2girls (Feb 9, 2005)

I am sorry that you felt bad by the responses, but your original post offended me, because I too have children, I too got frusterated, I too have had bad moments, but I knew that being mad at my dc is not proactive, and that it was my issue (no matter what the issue was).

*"Another example, he announces his strong desire to ride the bike to the park, so I go through the trouble, pack the baby again, to do exactly what he wants, and he doesn't pedel or pedels extremely slowly. (by the way it's not that he is incapable, I've seen him pedal at a more normal speed when he wants to). He doesn't want me to push him(his bike from behind), he doesn't want to go home, he wants to ride his bike and he wants to ride it to the park. Again, he is not exactly pedaling/riding, but he doesn't want anything else and my back hurts from wearing my 32lb baby for the last 45 minutes that we've been trying to "ride to the park", by now it's dark, and it's chilly; baby's hands are cold; his hands are cold; I'm cold; I'm hungry; it's dinner time; baby's hungry; baby doesn't want to be in the carier any longer; baby is fighting screaming yelling and crying to get out of the carrier; I'm not gonna put baby down because we're on the street; doesn't it sound to you like we should just hurry up and go home? or at least "start" going home? It's dinner time and it's dark and cold and baby is yelling & crying. NOW let's have a second look at the 2.5 year old who won't pedal and refuses to be pushed or helped in any way. You get me now?*"

I have been there too, I pick up the trike, and we go home. It's that simple. Maybe you can step back and try to find easier way's to handle different situations. Parenting is not easy all the time. It takes work and patience. He is still a toddler and toddlers have their own way of doing things. I hope that you can try and enjoy or time, if you feel frustrated....LAUGH. It really helps, you start laughing, ds starts laughing, and it just turns into a funny situation instead of a annoying situation...kwim?


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

Just as we don't know you, you don't know us.

You don't know that many of us are parenting alone, parenting special-needs kids, parenting newborns, and some of us are doing all three, and we *still* don't have, even in our deepest hearts of hearts, the kind of feelings you stated in your posts. When my 2-year-old is on her 20th (no joke) meltdown of the day, screaming a word I cannot understand, I'm frustrated, yes. I'm frustrated that *I* can't help her, not that her brain is wired in a way that makes communication very difficult for her. When she just flits about the play area, watching other kids, my heart breaks, not because I', *embarased* or *ashamed* of her, but because I'm sad that she doesn't want to engage, that she doesn't know how. When I'm all alone, in a city I don't really know, with no family and little support, I get sad.

Many of us have been through similar situations, and some much worse! and *still* don't have such feelings towards our kids, which is why every single poster but one expressed great concern over your relationship with and feelings for your son. This isn't a matter of us not understanding you- this is a matter of you not understanding basic child development and you setting your son up (based on your older posts, this has been going on for the better part of his life) to constantly disappoint you, no matter what he does.


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## Delilah83 (Jun 7, 2010)

Quote:


> About gender (or me being sexiest) - I'm sorry you are offended. I kind of knew my title was going to be a problem to some people and I didn't mean to gender-steriotype at all, but again, with a crying baby nursing like a newborn, I didn't have time to go back and change it after realizing how it was coming out. If you fully read my post you would have seen at the end where I said that I didn't title the post correctly. Before you call me all these names ("sexiest" and "gender-steriotyping" or "closed minded" and outdated"), I happen to be a very active girl - I ran, I weight-trained, I squated and benched with men (I can squat more than some men can). Also, I don't do make-up and when I was a little girl I didn't wear much skirts. How is that for gender steriotyping female? More, I've always earned more money than my male counterparts in my career (oh yeah and I do have a career). How is that for "traditional gender roles"? More, I'm a female engineer (that means I worked in a non-traditional environment for female, in a male dominant industry. And you still want to call me "gender-steriotyping", "closed minded" or "outdated"? I broke just about every gender-steriotype there is about female myself. But you must admit that boys are different from girls and that "most" boys (did you see me highlighting the word "most"?) are physically stronger, more active, more into sports and more athletic than girls. The fact that (if it is a fact) this difference doesn't start appearing yet in toddler years is not something I was aware of. Saying that my son is being like a girl with his less-active traits is not so wrong. If you as a girl/woman is offended when I say girls are generally less active, then you examine yourself on why YOU think being less active is so bad when all it is is just a trait. He really doesn't have to be athletic to be "good enough for me", but did I mention that I don't think growing up as a couch potato and on video game is very healthy?  With advanced technology and being in a modern world, it is an increasing problem that kids these days don't get enough exercise. I'm just feeling strongly about developing good healthy habits of daily exercise when I raise my kids. I want to give them the best, including a healthy habit.


I think you are sexist, you seem to think that because you're athletic and work in a male dominated field and don't like to wear make up, you can feel superior to women who have different interests or careers. There are lots of ways for people to express their gendered identity. When you associate male with exclusively positive traits and women with exclusively negative traits you are being sexist.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *Mamaluu* handling the kids 24/7 all by myself while my husband's gone travel to work for the whole week and we had just moved to a foreign place where I know nobody and nowhere, and that my 12-month old is still nursing around the clock like a newborn therefore I couldn't even finish writing a paragraph without a crying baby nursing interruption when the baby (and me) is supposed to be sleeping?


If you are stressed because your husband is gone and because your one year old is nursing like a newborn and because you are sleep deprived and because you are in a new place, why on EARTH would you write a whole post about how disgusted you are with your son and how he makes you want to throw up? Those are your words, not ours. Your whole post is about how your son doesn't pedal fast enough and how he doesn't run enough and how he prefers to swing. your post is how he is acting like a girl, and yes, that makes you sexist to say that, I don't care if you also happen to be a female engineer. You can still be sexist with pants and a job.

Your post made it seem as if you just don't like your son. If everything we have responded with isn't true, then perhaps you do need to seriously look into getting help. Your post is not normal of a healthy mother. That isn't a character judgement, that is honest concern for your mental health and how it will affect BOTH of your children if you continue on with so much frustration in your son over normal 2 year old things. your expectations are unhealthy and your stress level is extremely high. you need to find new ways to handle your son's normal 2 year old quirks and you need to find ways to manage your stress. 2 year olds are extremely forgiving, but you are fooling yourself if you think they don't notice when you are stressed or frustrated, no matter how excitedly you try to encourage. Someday, he'll have an even better understanding of the feelings you try to hide and he won't be so forgiving.

It is okay to get help. It doesn't mean you are bad or crazy. It just means you need help. Most of us here have received help or are currently getting help or will be getting help sometime in the future. It's NORMAL to need help. It's not normal for your 2 year old's activity level to make you want to throw up unless his activity level includes running super fast circles around you all day. In which case, I'd definitely understand.


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## coffeegirl (Jan 1, 2008)

*mamaluu*- Please don't be so defensive. The fact is, when you open a thread on an internet forum, you are asking to be judged. You just weren't judged the way that you wanted to be by several of the posters here. EVERY TIME that you have replied to another person's post here with your own perspective? You've judged. Judging isn't all bad.

In any case, for me, personally? it wasn't the sexism or gender stereotypes that bothered me about your post. It was the harshness with with you wrote it all. And I do get it- you were venting. I understand. But you posted last year about how your son was too hyperactive- remember that? And now you're posting that he's not active enough. As a totally objective outsider judging ONLY the information that you have put out there, it seems like your son is in a "can't win" kind of situation with you, yk?

And in your OP? You DID sound disgusted with your son. And extremely critical. (Whether or not being overly-critical is something you grew up with and are working on is beside the point here.) That's what your words conveyed-- not just to me, but to dozens of people. That's not everyone misunderstanding you. It may not be what you really feel....it may be you were just venting and in a really frustrated mood, etc. But that's what YOUR WORDS said. So again....please don't be so defensive.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so frustrated and overwhelmed right now. And I'm glad that you've made some strides in being so critical of your kids. That's something to be proud of, you know? I understand that part of your post....my mom has always been extremely critical of me. And now I find myself being just as critical of my DH, and I'm trying to work on it.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

OK I will just set aside how I feel about your posts because enough people are addressing that & I certainly don't want to beat you when you're down. As much as I agree with the other posters & take issue with a lot of what you've said, I can also relate to what you are struggling with. I believe I mentioned that in my previous response but it may have been missed in the negativity.

It really is frustrating to have a kid literally bouncing off the walls, causing chaos, destroying things -- and then you try to give them an appropriate outlet for their energy, and they just stand there. It drives me bonkers. If you post here saying your kid is acting up, everyone will respond with things like more outdoor time, more exercise, etc. but if you try that & it doesn't work, then what???

Well, I've found that my DS does best in very small groups of familiar people. That means, if I take him to the open gym at the gymnastics studio, he won't participate, but if we get together with just a couple of other close toddler friends, sometimes I can get him to join in the fun. He likes structured activity... he loves Ring Around the Rosy, because he knows exactly what to do, and while that might not be as active as running & climbing, at least it gets him moving. There is a kids' yoga studio nearby & I take him to their free classes, and he often does great there (as long as there aren't too many kids), because it's calmer & more structured. At home, we do this video Sing, Stretch, & Shape Up and we all do it together -- me, DS, and DH. We reenact yoga class at home, with the same routine & movements & songs. When he wants to go for a walk, I give him very clear (but non-judgemental) choices -- he can ride in the Ergo, he can go in his stroller or on his bike, or he can walk -- but when he isn't moving & we're getting cold, I reiterate a very simple choice, like, "You can walk or I can put you in the Ergo," or, "You can pedal or I can push you," and then just follow through with it, whether or not he cries or whatever. I try to make sure it doesn't seem like a punishment, just a choice, but at the same time I need to be firm & follow through, otherwise we'd be out in the dark freezing to death. DS also loves climbing up the stairs & riding the escalator at the mall (I am not a mall person, but I take him occasionally just to do these things!) and pushing the mini shopping carts at Petco while looking at the animals. He likes walking on retaining walls or other ledges. He likes climbing UP the slide part of the playground slide (when no other kids are there). He likes to jump & roll around on the bed, especially if I bounce around too or sing the Five Little Monkeys song. He likes doing the big 4' floor puzzles with me. He LOVES doing woodwork & spends a lot of time hammering, screwing, drilling, etc. (closely supervised, of course -- he's not even 3 yet...) He likes raking the yard.

Most of the time my kid is still pretty inactive compared to other toddlers. He is the only kid I know who will sit for an hour+ straight while being read to. He doesn't like to dance and when I take him to story times or other active things, he's the only one sitting in my lap while the others are doing the hand & body motions and jumping around like they're 'supposed' to. You would never see him running around the playground, he's more likely to just sit in one of those little toy cars without moving, or just stand watching the other kids. He's walked around the block about 3 times in his whole life, even though we take many family walks each week. I've just had to find other ways for him to be active, and accept that active for him means something different. I've had to give him more structure and be way more involved in his active play than most parents seem to need to be. I've had to plop him in the Ergo/stroller/grocery cart amidst his protests because he just won't move or my arms can't carry him any longer. But we are slowly making progress. He was in EI for about 6mos for social & emotional issues and some of the ideas they gave us did help him to be more appropriately active... like he needs to do a lot of fine motor work, and once he's done that he's often more able to play actively. But no one in EI thought his activity level was any kind of tone/muscle/developmental problem -- good reassurance, and I'd encourage you to have your DS evaluated so you can know if it's normal and get some ideas on any kind of sensory input he might need to feel more at ease in the world...


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## SweetSilver (Apr 12, 2011)

Wow! I'm going to try and be helpful here and bypass the rants by all.

Both my kids had trouble with the tricycle, especially my youngest. A playground full of children is fascinating for a youngster to watch. Look what all those kids can do! This is part of the learning process as much as climbing and sliding and swinging.

My kids still have trouble with the swing, mainly because they want to be pushed. Being pushed by mom and dad feels nice, just like being picked up.

Slides are scary sometimes. We started the kids face down, feet first. They looooved that! Going down sitting up, feet first is really unbalancing. Watch other head-heavy toddlers going down, and they bob backwards and some kids don't care, for others it is extremely unsettling.

Instead of encouraging, just start running around, swinging and going down the slide yourself. Let him watch his mama do it. Do yoga at home with no expectations except giving him a chance to emulate you.

Buy a little kid trampoline for the house and redirect his energy to that. Is bouncing on the bed aloud? It is in our house, so is jumping on our (inexpensive) couch. The trouble with bursts of energy is that often they come at different times in the day than we expect (or want). Find a way to let him burn off some steam during these times and he might feel more energetic down the road. Also, remember, kids are distracting to other kids, so when he is out and about that is more interesting. He is taking it all in to try on his own time. Honor that process.

I hope you are getting all the exercise you crave. Instead of always wanting to get him out to exercise, plop him in the jog stroller and go for a power walk. Be his example. When you do take the tricycle out (is your road/sidewalk smooth? ours is horrendously bumpy) take a magazine along with you. Or look to see what he sees. If he watches the kids, talk just a little about that. Also, don't expect big things. I've learned this well. Don't think: "let's walk four blocks to the park/library" think, let's go the end of the block and back." Or, "let's go outside and play with the tricycle" and stay in front of the house.

Also, divide in your mind those outings that are for you, and those that are for him. Don't put him on the tricycle on the "you" days. Go, do your errands, to the library, a big walk around the park working up some sweat. Give him some time, of course, but remind him that it's "time to visit the store now." Then, on "his" outings, bring along that magazine or book or smart phone, and let him set the pace. Don't be out of touch with what he's seeing, but if you feel that frustration burble up, pick up that smart phone and check in on Facebook or MDC or email or whatever. Don't be afraid to sit down if you need to (a mama needs to get off her feet!)

In spite of all the rants stating the point, do reexamine your expectations of what boys should be like. Notice I said boys, not men. A little boy is not a man, nor is he necessarily like the man he will grow up to be. I understand the stress of being a mama with a toddler. It is insulating, tiring, stressful. But the expectations of what a boy is like at 2.5 become expectations of what a boy should be like at 5, 10, 15. And when a parent has powerful expectations, a kid can feel as if they will never live up to that and some will give up trying.

So, the best advice I can give is model the behavior for yourself. Be active yourself. Whip out the kiddie ball and make tiny slam dunks. Kick around the playbround ball. And if it is important to model your ideal of masculine behavior, make sure he gets plenty of that time with his dad--*without* the expectations that he will join in right away.

An infant child might not be able to speak for a long time, but even in the womb they are learning the essential building blocks of language, and of different voices. Their understanding far exceeds their ability to copy. But they eventually do. Tiny children learn by observing first and foremost, and some more than others.

Soften the mental expectations and see where your son is at and start there.


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## fizgig (Aug 3, 2007)

Look, when a large number of generally caring, accepting people respond so negatively to something you've said, your first instinct should be to take a step back and ask why. Maybe take a minute to evaluate your own position.

It IS sexist to frame being like a girl as a negative/insult. The title of your post is inherently sexist.

It IS extreme that you feel like a certain kind of man would make you want to throw up and you are worried that your son is going to be that kind of man.

If your stress is about being overwhelmed and alone I imagine most of us here can relate. That isn't what your post was about.

Your post is directed at your son in a way that seems very concerning. I quit my beloved job as a professor to raise my son who has special needs. He is tiring, oppositional, and very hard to take care of. But I never feel the things that you expressed in your post. That you feel these things is what concerns me. No one is attacking you. I have had unhealthy feelings and responses to my son. It has been difficult to look at where my own unhealthy responses are coming from. Just as I would tell a mother with PPD that it is not healthy to have obsessive thoughts about harming her child. I'm not being critical or attacking, I am saying that she needs help because she is having unhealthy thoughts. The feelings you expressed in your post aren't healthy for you or your son. It is normal to need help and it is normal to have unhealthy thoughts. But it is important to be willing to get help.

The reason, to me, that I am reacting this way is the language you used about your son. Even in your second post you refer to him as lazy. A two year old simply can't be "lazy." It is your focus on blaming him that is triggering concern for me. HE refuses to pedal, HE is lazy, HE is the problem. I think what many of us are really trying to say is that he isn't actually doing anything wrong. It is your reaction that is problematic.

I really am very sympathetic to both parenting alone and dealing with a very difficult child. I have my PhD, have lived in places without electricity and running water, have killed poisonous snakes with a machete, have had many health challenges and raising my son is by far the most difficult thing I've ever done. I vent, I go a little crazy, I even sometimes resent my son some times. But those are MY problems, not his. He is not to blame - he can't be because he is a little child.


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## jimblejamble (May 18, 2007)

a) He's a child. Back off. Let him be.
b) I'm sorry you feel that being or behaving like a girl is something bad that you need to be helped with or saved from.
c) Maybe you should have gone with show dogs instead of children so you could train them to be exactly what you want them to be and not have to be embarrassed to the point of wanting to throw up.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

Us suggesting therapy does not mean we think you are "messed up". It means we think you need some outside help. That is not shameful. And, honestly, I find it personally offensive that you think people who need therapy are "messed up" since that's where I am now. Guess what, no matter how strong I am I can't get over my abusive past by myself. And that abusive past was severely affecting the relationship with my children to the point that I was afraid of abusing them myself.

Let me repeat that: There is no shame in seeking therapy. Now, people may want to shame you. My dad was great at that, but it doesn't mean he's right. Getting therapy was the number one best thing I ever did for myself, and in turn it was the best thing I ever did for my children.

Also, the way you were quick to think that we would judge you harshly by the fact that you've seen a therapist in the past means I don't think you understand the intent of people here. We don't think you're crazy, we think you have some issues you need to work through. When was the last time you saw your therapist, before having kids? I found in my own life that having children brought up so much past and issues that therapy was needed all over again just to sort out my new life.


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

On the more practical end: Having a fussy baby on your back and a really slow-moving toddler while you're a ways from home and it's 10 degrees out is kind of hard. I have a 12 month old and an almost 3 year old, so I experience that frequently. The easiest thing I've found is to choose a time that'll be naptime for the little one to be outdoor playtime for the big guy, and to dress both me and the baby up really really warm (her sleeping on my back). Also, as previously mentioned, if the baby is crying or people are getting cold and we really need to get somewhere, I do insist on some choice that moves at a reasonable speed - i.e. "do you want to walk by yourself, or do you want to hold my hand? If you walk by yourself, you have to keep going." Or bring some way to push/carry/pull the big one and insist on that choice if you really need to get going and he's too slow. Occasional outings without the baby, if possible, are great too, where you can relax and go at his pace the whole way. But my kid also sometimes insists on destinations far enough that he doesn't want to walk back from them, when I can't carry him because I'm already wearing his sister. In that case, I just grab his hand, ignore the whining, and we walk back. I think it's OK for them to learn that walking/biking somewhere means they have to walk/bike home too.


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## Bellabaz (Feb 27, 2008)

Its rough having kids so close in age. Its rough living where you have no support system. I've been there. Dd2 was born just after we moved to a new country where I didn't speak the language and knew nobody. Dd1 was a toddler. Add that isolation to health issues with me and with dd1, a kid who nursed every 45 minutes round the clock and conitnued isolation due to not having a babysitter so I could take language classes the whole first year and its not suprising I ended up depressed. I was exhausted on every level. Yes I lost patience with my kids. Yes I got frustrated with everything. At my worst, I still never had thoughts as harsh as those posted in your original one. I've worked in mental health as well. No one here thinks your "crazy" because you've seen a therapist int he past. Have you seen one since having kids? Go talk to someone, please. For your sake as much as for your kids. Because you don't sound like you are enjoying being a parent at all.


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

ignoring all the other issues cropping up, some active games my DS loves are chasing (he calls it fetch, like the doggy does) balls and jumping on the bed or small trampoline his grandma got him. Maybe since he is calmer and more quiet you can use this as a time to teach him more intellectual things or concentration, like stacking blocks, coloring, reading cooks, playing with play-doh, learning letters and number, colors and shapes, etc. Try to enjoy him before he grows up and you can't change what you've already done. Best of luck


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

Also, as an added thought, maybe he would enjoy group classes, like gymnastics (great for balance), where he can play with other kids and learn skills useful for other sports later on. Our local children;s museum here is play-based, and it always get my LO excited and running around.


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## branditopolis (Mar 14, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *hildare*
> 
> frankly i find your post so offensive in several ways i cannot think of a way to respond that won't get me banned.
> 
> ...


OMG


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## chrysalis (May 8, 2007)

yeah that on what most here have commented on re. original post. how sad i am for your son and i pray you find acceptance of him and meet him where he is at, trusting he is being who he is and how he is and that he is perfect JUST AS HE IS.

i'd much rather my son stay as a sweet, thoughtful sensitive loving boy, then man someday than a selfish macho unemotional brute.

get in touch w/ your heart of hearts. not the one you think is your heart.

i could just cry. your post was heartbreaking to me as a mother and as a human being.


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## pranava (Aug 11, 2007)

OP, the fact that your DS can pedal a bike and sometimes wants to, sounds awesome to me. My DS is almost 3 and can't jump off the ground with two feet. I do care about his physical inability - I care for his sake. I want him to be able to keep up with the other kids and be able to fully interact with them and have lots of fun. Do you think you are caring for your DS's sake, or your sake? It's really hard to not consider your children as a reflection of yourself. In some ways they are and will be, but in some ways, they are totally separate from you.

I bet that as your baby reaches toddlerhood, the two of them will become more active together. maybe the baby will be a social butterfly and lead your DS out to the playground.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

> "This problem bothers me at many levels. 1) It is not healthy that he doesn't get any regular exercise at all, and exercising as part of self-care and wellness is a very important value of mine that I want to pass on to my kids from a very young age. *2) I expect a boy (a man) to be active, energetic and athletic. A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be. 3) Laziness is a trait that I absolutely cannot live with and again I can't believe this is my son! 4) It just makes me mad* that I'm totally tired chasing, jumping, yelling, dancing, being exciting, just to get him to move his body and he won't move a single bit."


See, this was my brother when we were very little. You could put him in a room full of toys, and he would (seriously) crawl to the closest one, play with it for 30minutes, then crawl to the next closest one, and repeat. He was an excellent defender in soccer when he got older. Now he's on the go so frequently that my parents (who are both incredibly active) can't keep up with him on vacation anymore (he planned an entire visit to Korea for them, and when they got home they were so exhausted from all the activity I think they slept for 48hours).

Even if he's not physically active, thats not necessarily "lazy" - he might just be more analytical, or cautious, in nature. It's OK. It's hard sometimes to accept our children as they are - the hardest part of parenting maybe - when you realize they aren't what you thought they would become. Every baby comes wired with their own unique personality, and its hard sometimes to accept that as a parent, even at your absolute best, you cannot create their personality from scratch - its already there.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Hey folks, I just want to remind everyone that you can point out issues with another person's words without resorting to name calling and insults. Let's keep the atmosphere in here respectful - even in disagreement. Take a look at your posts here and *edit them* to keep them in line please.

Thank you.


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## SeattleRain (Mar 15, 2009)

I don't know that your son is lazy, I don't know that kids that age can be truly lazy. He just might have different preferences for how he lets out his energy and he might just be doing his thing. Everyone has a different work out style. Personally, I enjoy low impact activities like walking or swimming or pilates. My SIL only likes high impact activities like aerobics, running, or dance. Neither of us is lazy. You can help your child not to be "lazy" by not over-relying on TV or computer games and putting an emphasis on play and imagination and doing, even if he's not "doing" very quickly. It sounds like you're already doing those things by taking your son to the park, taking him out on the trike and encouraging him to do stuff.

I also think it seems like you need a BREAK! Everyone gets fed up with their kids some times. I had a period where my son waking up in the middle night made me angry and resentful of him. Once I started to feel like that, I realized that something about the situation was not working and we needed to change things up a little bit. It sounds like you're shouldering a lot of the time/energy burden of parenting two very young and seemingly very high needs children. I think it's great you want to foster physical activity as a positive outlet for your son (it's a great outlet for ALL children, regardless of gender) so I think you should look into classes like Little Gym, swimming, soccer, or tumbling where you can drop him off for an hour or two a week. He can tumble around and get his wiggles out and if you get a sitter for your 12 month old, you can have that time entirely for yourself. Go to Starbucks! Read a good book! SLEEP! You need to do it for yourself because it will make you a better mother.

You may have to re-examine your expectations of your children, and you may want to re-examine what you think a "boy" should look like and a "girl" should look like. Everyone is different and has different personalities.


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


> On seeing a therapist - it really is so easy to say "this woman got problems and she needs to see a therapist". Are you saying that I'm a mess?


Well. In short. Yes.

The feelings you are having about your son?

NOT normal.

I realize by your update that you feel it is normal/reasonable. But it is actually not. Which is why the universal response here has been what it is. All of us have had times of frustration, but the pure venom in your post towards your son has alarmed a lot of people. And I definitely feel that the issue here is not your son-- it is you-- and you owe it to both of your children to work out your issues and try to do whatever you can to fix these alarming feelings and expectations you have.


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## Faither (Oct 27, 2009)

I'm sure someone else already said it, but just take a deep breath and tell yourself this is not forever.

What's nearby that you could take your son to? How about the library, a gym or park? Skip the trike and bring a stroller. If he doesn't want to walk then he can ride and if you wear your other child then it's easier for you to toss him in the stroller and go. I know stroller's aren't very AP but you do what you have to. Also instead of going far, why not just a couple of houses down then turn around? My DD just turned 2 and is not very fast at all on her trike so we might just go in front of our house then turn around and do that until she's done. That way when she's bored or too cold, we're not far enough that I can't pick up the trike and go back inside (granted I am 8 months prego, but talk to me in the spring when I am wearing one and chasing the other and we'll see if I can still do that).

DD nursed a lot (not as a 12month old but close). We tossed her in our bed and that's honestly the ONLY way I was able to get any sleep some nights. Some people thought we were crazy but I am not pleasant without sleep so, again you do what you have to do. And I also resigned myself to going to bed at 9pm with DD and left the dishes in the sink and the laundry unfolded. It will all get done eventually.

Just remember he's two. He's little. Little legs have to move twice as fast to cover the same ground as an adult. Maybe he's just looking for attention and that's why he goes so slow. Give him the opposite attention of what you're giving him now and see what happens, make it an experiment.

But just remember to breathe. It's not forever and tomorrow is a different day (and all that good stuff). Good Luck!


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## branditopolis (Mar 14, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Faither*
> 
> Just remember he's two. He's little. Little legs have to move twice as fast to cover the same ground as an adult. Maybe he's just looking for attention and that's why he goes so slow. *Give him the opposite attention of what you're giving him now and see what happens, make it an experiment.*
> 
> But just remember to breathe. It's not forever and tomorrow is a different day (and all that good stuff). Good Luck!


The opposite attention? Would that be like ignoring him?


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *branditopolis*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


No, the opposite would be praise and lots of it.


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## Faither (Oct 27, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Super~Single~Mama*
> 
> No, the opposite would be praise and lots of it.


Instead of being frustrated and telling him to go faster, praise him when he keeps up. Like instead of giving a loud cheer if he did what you wanted him to, try a quieter "good job" or just smiling at him. Children feed off of how we're feeling even if we don't intend to, so projecting all that negative stuff, by over encouraging him to move faster, it might be making him want to do the opposite. So try being a quieter cheerleader was my suggestion.

It works a little with DD but generally we end up walking a bit in front of her when she's being super slow and we want her to move on. With her if we started giving her too much praise she ends up bored and generally moves on to something else, or ignores us entirely. Just my experience with DD.


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## RJSoft (Mar 24, 2012)

All things being considered there may be some physiological problem that perhaps you are trying to express but lacking care for social tact.

These are the possible health concearns that you may wish to have examined.

Bisphenol-A.

This chemical is used in our food industry usually as containers. It also happens to mimmic estrogen (the female hormone).

Do not heat food or liquids in ANY plastic bottles or containers in the microwave oven. Bisphenol-a is a chemical found in many plastic food containers that is exponentially released upon heating.

Believe it or not it is even released when put in refrigerators. Bisphenol-a is found in many household items such as toilet paper. Google for list.

Minimize the exposure especially with microwave ovens. (As a side note: The microwave oven was originally banned in Russia due to a study which revealed high linkage to cancers).

Flouride.

When Stalin ran his prison concentration camps in Russia, he discovered that he could reduce the need for prison guards by doping the inmates water with Flouride. Flouride effectively reduces willpower for inmates to revolt.

Flouride is a poisonous by product in the production of Aluminum. It is one of the most toxic ingrediants known to man besides mercury. Flouride is the main ingrediant in rat poison.

However, read the back of your child's toothpaste. Notice the poison control center must be called if your child consumes more than 1 pea sized portion of toothpaste.

We are all being bombarded chemically and Flouride is one of the main culprits. Lucky for me we live in a town that does NOT flouridate the water also I buy Tom's tooth paste from Walmart which seems to be the only brand available that is non flouridated.

I also insist to my kids dentist that there be no flouride treatment.

GMO (Genetically Modified Organism)

Now this is the real nightmare.

Once upon a time some scientits working for Monsanto discovers a bacteria growing on their Round-up herbicide chemical waste dump.

The bacteria was evidently Round-up resistant.

So this bright scientist got the idea to Genetically insert the genes from the bacteria into 5 of our major food products.

We now, all of us, eat this stuff every day. It is also impossible or highly difficult to know exactly what you buy is or is not GMO.

President Busch senior pushed laws into effect to fast track the GMO so that FDA would approve it and NOBODY is allowed to know.

But a lawsuit revealed much. Autoimmune diseases and rats that wind up sterile within 3 generations.

The rats testicles turned black/blue from eating the GMO and all kinds of cancers developed.

At one point farmers where feeding the GMO to their livestock which refused to eat it and many died that did eat it.

But you and I, everyone of us are eating it every day.

For more interesting details on this youtube GMO Jeffery Smith.

Vaccinations:

Do not vaccinate your children. There are forms online with instructions on how to legally object to forced vaccinations.

Use religeous belief because that is most resiliant to legal recourse.

There is a very strong link to Autism and vaccinations.

Mercury (Thimerisol) and many other unhealthy chemicals are being used. Many use what is cstealled an antaginent which is a chemical that induces the immune system to flood the body created antibodies.

But guess what, the antaginent is aluminum. It stays in the system forever. And like mercury the toxic effects destroy nerve cells whereever the junk floats to.

You see, we are all of us under attack.

We are the excess population.

There is a depopulation program that has been in existance for quite some time.

Our country has been taken over by mafia.

Protect your kids.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Well, OP... I can understand why some of the posts hurt you. Really I can. However, your characterization of your son, particularly wrt to gender roles, hurt people, too. I'm going to explain some things that I did NOT go into in my earlier response.

My children are quite a bit older than your son. My son is 20, and my daughter is 18. From Day One, they were like night and day. My son? Quieter, less physical, more cerebral than his younger sister. He was the one who wanted to be with me, help me cook & clean, etc. While she wanted to be out kicking a ball, running around, climbing, jumping, anything physical, no interest in cooking. etc. (Though, oddly, she LOVED folding my Dad's boxers when we visited my parents.) Is still not fond of reading. Really, nothing has changed.

Over the years, I have encountered quite a few attitudes about both of them from others. He's too much like a girl; she's too manly. Some of that from their own father. Who made it plain that he preferred the girl because she was less like me. (I should note, that, when they were young, my now-ex traveled a minimum of two weeks a month. Since they were 6&4, we've been divorced and I have been primarily responsible for them.) But I digress... #1 has always been his own person, marching to his own drummer. Never been a tough guy. Imagine the responses he got from others when he started "Free Hugs" day as a freshman in HS. Or when he'd run out to the PE class, twirling the entire way. Giggling. And, OMG... Listening to classical music. Opera, even. Yeah... Yeah - lots of assumptions about his orientation. He is actually a very strong person, emotionally, and pretty much shrugged off the names he was called. But it still hurt him. Just like it hurt him when his Scout buddies, one by one, drew away from him. When the Dads - who had known him from when he was small - turned their backs. All but one father/son.

Now, let me tell you about my son, the Man. He's still not athletic. But he does love to hang and watch a Yankee game with me when he's home. He does walk for AIDS research, MS research, Breast cancer research. He's in college, composing new and beautiful music, with a very bright future. He has a wonderful girlfriend, who he is moving in with when his current lease is up in May. He is a wonderful cook, who isn't afraid to experiment with flavors, textures, ideas. Still loves to read, anything and everything (almost). He is his sister's rock - the one person she will ALWAYS go to when she needs some support (besides me). He is a REAL man. And it hurts deeply when someone thinks otherwise. Oh, and.... he knits.


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## sk8boarder15 (Jan 12, 2010)

I'm sorry for all the flack you received OP. A lot of it was harsher than was needed. They do have a point though, so I would really look at yourself and make sure you are healthy or at least have a practical view of a 2 year old.

I know many toddlers that are just laid back. Often that is my son. He will swing and swing and swing just watching stuff. We go to open gym and he will just watch most of the time... he does have active moments, but not nearly as active as many other toddlers we know. We all joke that he's the thinker of the group and he's going to be very smart one day becuase he's sitting back taking so much in. That could be your son too, for all you know he could be gifted! Whatever it is just let him be him!!!! He's only a baby still! Let him be as long as he's not on the way to obesity he's fine. If you have real concerns about his behavior have him assesed, otherwise let him be himself. People have given lots of pratical advice, take it. If you know an activity isn't going to work, find something else. Keep the trike within a block of the house. Personally I say ditch the trike get a balance bike! They are way better!


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## branditopolis (Mar 14, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *RJSoft*
> 
> All things being considered there may be some physiological problem that perhaps you are trying to express but lacking care for social tact.
> 
> ...


...What.the.ffffffff


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## P.J. (May 18, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lazurii*
> 
> Us suggesting therapy does not mean we think you are "messed up". It means we think you need some outside help. That is not shameful. And, honestly, I find it personally offensive that you think people who need therapy are "messed up" since that's where I am now. Guess what, no matter how strong I am I can't get over my abusive past by myself. And that abusive past was severely affecting the relationship with my children to the point that I was afraid of abusing them myself.
> 
> ...












OP: While I was also triggered by your post...mostly it made me feel sad for your boy...I do understand the thought of "this makes me want to throw up", or the name-calling. I have had intensely challenging moments with my boy when I did think similarly harmful thoughts. I just want to reiterate that therapy can be very healing and help us deal with the way we get so upset over things like you are now with your boy. I have done therapy and found that since becoming a parent all of my inner pain and unresolved emotions were triggered and I needed support in working through it, as I saw myself, like you, thinking these mean thoughts and sometimes even outwardly saying things I later regretted.

I know it's hard to take criticism. I know some people here did judge you harshly. But I hope for you and especially for your boy that you have seen some truth in what the overwhelming message has been: that he has no problem and that you will both be happier if you find some support in adjusting your expectations of him and way of thinking about him. Whether or not you say such things to him he feels how you view him and it will destroy his self-esteem and wound his sweet heart to the point where he'll be needing therapy as an adult too!

I'm so sorry that our society puts such a stigma on therapy. It's such a pity because as far as I'm concerned MOST people need it! Doesn't mean we are all effed up or anything, just means that the experience of being human raised by (mostly) unaware other humans is painful and traumatic at times, and most of us need some support in healing that pain. I hope you can find your own support and more peace with your son. Good luck!


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## 95191 (Nov 8, 2007)

Quote:


> ...What.the.ffffffff


one can be dismissive but there seems to be more and more mounting evidence (scientific studies) that exposure in utero to chemicals does cause hormonal changes to the fetus - Thalidomide effected sex organs just as one example and many do see the correlation between fluoride and early puberty- and most countries have banned Bisphenol-A for infants


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## branditopolis (Mar 14, 2011)

oops. my alarm was mostly with the statements
"we are all of us under attack" and "our country has been taken over by mafia"


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## peyton11 (Mar 26, 2012)

First of all the way you talk about your son I feel sorry for him. Have you ever considered that maybe he is just shy. Instead you want to go straight to my son acts like a girl. Secondly so what if he does act like a girl. You sound like your the one with the issues about it. Your suppose to love your child no matter what and it sounds like you can't accept him just because he doesn't play "manly" enough for you while being outside. At this point if I was you I would step back and take a look at your behavior and then get your son some help for the damage you have probably caused him. If he is gay or transgender I hope you learn to love and accept him otherwise you will eventually lose your precious child by him either cutting off contact with you or taking his own life. Is that something you want to live with the rest of your life? Sure your son is only 2 but if he is gay or transgender your not going to change him.HOWEVER HE IDENTIFIES ACCEPT HIM OR HER...No matter what he prefers to play with. You need to seek professional help.


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## luckiest (Apr 29, 2009)

*Seeing now that the original post is several months old...oh well.

I agree with lots of what has been said - that your embarrassment of him is more alarming than his behavior (which isn't alarming at all), that some kind of outside help (both a nanny/sitter and a therapist) is beneficial/necessary, but I wanted to throw out a couple more tips that may not have been mentioned.

>>When you go out to the park or for a walk, start out with ZERO expectations. None. Have no goal in mind, not even that you're going to do one lap around the block. Accept whatever happens - if DS wants to sit on his bike and watch the cars go by, accept it. Bored? Bring a book, call someone on the phone.

>>Don't encourage him to go faster, don't even talk. Or better, talk! Meaning, have a conversation with him that doesn't involve trying to change what he's doing. If he stops to smell a flower, talk about the flower. If he's watching other kids play, talk about what they're doing. Give him attention that isn't directed at manipulating his behavior. Don't praise him for doing what you want, either. Enjoy it inwardly, but don't express it to him.

>>Breaks don't happen spontaneously - plan time to yourself, or even just with you and the baby. Make it happen, because if you are feeling like you're drowning and overwhelmed, you can't be a good parent.

>>Re-frame your perspective of him. Don't box him into being "lazy" or "girly." Focus on his positive attributes.

>>Understand the world from his perspective - toddlers are not miniature adults. Reading The Emotional Life of a Toddler is a good start. You might realize that he's asking for your attention (even negative) by intentionally doing the opposite of what you want, or asserting his will, or fighting you for power, or searching for boundaries, etc. It will help you view his actions in a more positive light when you understand that he isn't trying to piss you off.

>>While we're on the topic of books, look into Unconditional Parenting. Since you already have some feelings about your son that aren't positive (I'm not saying we/mothers in general ONLY have positive things to say about our kids, but the negatives seem bear more weight with you than they should), I think it's extra important that he not pick up on that. He'll end up either constantly trying to meet your expectations of him or rebel against you, and either way will demolish his self esteem. He needs to know that you love him no matter what, and just saying "I love you no matter what" isn't enough; you have to show it by actually accepting him as he is.

I hope you get help for getting through what is obviously a tough time.


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## MyDiagonalLife (Apr 26, 2012)

I know you don't need yet another response to this, but I felt the need to provide a personal story. I am a 30-year old gay man who was raised in a small post-industrial city in Michigan. As a child, I was clearly different from other men. Not only was I gay, but I was also an introvert- both of these are orientations that are completely biological (this is not my opinion, it is science). I preferred to play by myself or with one other close friend. My family had expectations, however, about how boys should behave- and they imposed these expectations on me. I was expected to play sports and to "learn how to fight."

I clearly remember my mother once taking a neighbor boy into her confidence and asking him to teach me how to play football. My uncles would ask me what sports I was going to play at school, and they even coached some of the teams that I was supposed to play on. I did play the sports, but I played them badly- which was even more embarrassing. I even remember feeling the need to start a fight with a neighbor boy- I decided that I had to actually get in a fight or I would never meet my family's expectations of how a boy should behave. Luckily, a neighbor woman with better sense intervened. Can you imagine? Your son putting himself in danger because of your expectations about him- not because he wants to, but because he thinks that you'll always consider him to be "weird" or "a freak" unless he does.

Now imagine what this has done to me. As an adult, I struggle with confidence issues all the time. I never feel like I'm good enough, even when people constantly tell me that I'm awesome. No matter what I do, that little boy inside will never be "a man," and he will never be good enough. I should have been an artist or a writer, but instead I'm going into Accounting.

What should my parents have done? They should have encouraged me to be who I was, all the way. I never received music lessons, art lessons, etc. I wasn't encouraged to join book clubs, to enter art contests, to do what I loved to do. I loved to garden, and I would frequently garden with this elderly woman down the road who shared my passion. Instead of embracing this passion of mine, my mother asked me if the woman "ever touched me." After that, I never helped the lady in her garden again.

No doubt your son loves to do certain things. Let him explore those things. Let him be who he is- he has a much better chance at being the best version of who he truly is than he does at being who you want him to be.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

aw, diagonal... huge hugs for you.


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## SquidMommy (Jul 13, 2010)

I don't get it. If you had a daughter that did all the things you want your son to do, would you be posting here to say she was too active, not dainty, or perhaps unsure of her sexuality?

Your kid who he is. And, if he's particularly sensitive, he's for-sure picking up on how angry, irritable, frustrated, and disappointed you are in him. I'd clam up and quit trying, too. If he's unsure of how to participate, or some activities are intimidating to him (like a big slide, or swings where he only sees older kids), he might hesitate. If he hesitates and then sees you get all bent out of shape, he's just going to stop trying. Are you helping him learn how to proceed, or are you just showing irritation that he's not proceeding on his own? Are you helping him navigate new social situations, or are you expecting him to innately know what to do? Hint: A child is not going to automatically know how to proceed, even with kids his own age, when what's modeled for him, from you, is hostility.

He also might be holding back because with a new infant, he is trying to purposefully get more attention from you. Maybe your time can't be divided equally between your two kids, but have you set any time aside to just be with your son one-on-one? Full of praise and support and focus on what he does that you DO like? He might be feeling slighted, and is regressing a bit so he gets as much attention as the baby does. Just sayin'.


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## LitMom (Mar 6, 2012)

I have not read this entire thread, but it sounds like the OP got a lot of the issues regarding gender addressed already. (I don't think the OP child sounds girlish in any way; and if he did, I think that would be totally fine too.)

But, if you feel that your child is truly inactive, and especially if he's inactive compared to his own behavior as of a few months ago, you might want to look into lead testing or allergy testing. I had a 2 year old with elevated lead. Not high enough to report to the city, but high enough to try to locate the source of it. (Looks like for us it had to do with some recent renovations at a home we had been visiting, not at our own, thankfully!) She was very tired, dark circles under the eyes, and had diminished physical activity. She would play for 5-10 minutes at the playground and then lay down in the middle of the playground. And repeat. Sure, kids might be tired one day or for a time, they might lay down in part of their play, be shy, be contented and not particularly active. But as a parent, I think you can tell when something is off with your own child. Allergies can have a similar effect, apparently, including the dark circles under the eyes even when the child has gotten a normal nights' sleep.


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## Cujobunny (Aug 16, 2006)

^ Ummmm .... I...... uhh...... wow.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

*removed awesome logic since the post it was referring to was deleted*


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## ShyingViolet (Oct 23, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kandycane*
> 
> {offensive post removed by moderator}


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kandycane*
> 
> I would be concerned too. .. his manly traits is VERY important. Us parents want our children to be mentally and physically healthy and this kid sounds lazy.


(Passing over all the parts of your post that I think are flat-out offensive...)

- How do we define "lazy"? Because when I get to choose what I do for fun, I often sit around - I'll read, or sketch, or call up one of my sisters on the phone. I've spent entire days on the beach and only gone into the water to cool down, not even to swim. Doesn't mean I'm lazy - I'm a pretty industrious person. A trip to the playground is supposed to be an opportunity for a child to do something he (or she) enjoys. If your kid doesn't enjoy it, why go? If your kid only likes the swings, what's the problem? If your preschooler wants to just watch the other kids (which is a reasonable thing - how do you think kids learn how to interact socially with their peers?), why not just sit on the curb and be companionable?

- I have no idea what traits are "manly". Liking sports? Kissing girls? Driving a car? People who aren't straight men do all of those things, and express them as parts of their identities.

- In what way is "manliness" (whatever you think it is) an appropriate expectation of a preschool aged child? There's a pretty strong implication that a man is an adult. Kids need to be kids!


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## bmcneal (Nov 12, 2006)

While I have never gone near as far as the OP, I have had some pretty depressing/hurtful thoughts about my children. But that was when I realized that I needed help, and was relapsing(?) back to mental unwell, and I sought help. While the extent the OP went with her post, to me, was very upsetting, I do understand, to a point, having feelings similar to those. I also realize and understand it is at that point, if you couldn't/wouldn't/didn't before, that you need to get help.

OP, I am very sad for your son. I hope that you have found the help you need to help focus yourself again, and to have the best possible relationship with your children.


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## jmarroq (Jul 2, 2008)

Sounds like my son, but he had developmental delays. Although he walked on time, he never could keep up with kids his age, and I think as he got older, he was sort of frustrated by it, and that is why he avoided active play. He could not peddle a bike at all. Never rode a tricycle on his own...eventually learned on a big boy bike when he had more muscle and core strength and coordination...after years of OT.

If your son actually says he wants to "do it all by myself"...that is wonderful! My son never said this. It was so difficult for him to ride a bike and it made him mad. I used to have to push him.

I would try to be patient, although I know how hard it is. I wound up doing a lot of stuff for my son because I ran out of patience waiting for him to do it, and I think it made him less independent. His therapists had a lot more patience than I did!

Your son may be avoiding things besides the swing at the park because he doesn't feel safe on them yet or he just can't keep up with the other kids, so he doesn't even try. He may not feel coordinated enough to handle them yet. If you feel he is at an age where he should have more coordination, it can't hurt to have him evaluated. If it's nothing, great. If he has significant fine/gross motor issues, hypotonia, dyspraxia, sensory processing issues, a weak core or some other underlying neurological issues, etc. at least you will know and be able to help him.


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## 95191 (Nov 8, 2007)

since this thread is a year old and the OP hasn't posted since- I highly doubt she cares


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Friends, I have removed a post that goes against MDC's policy regarding hate speech and sexually explicit content. Please edit your posts that refer to this comment. And, please, if you see posts like that make the flag feature your friend! No need for a post like that to hang around for 3 days. Thanks!


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
> 
> And, please, if you see posts like that make the flag feature your friend! No need for a post like that to hang around for 3 days. Thanks!


I did flag it, the day it was posted...


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Thanks, Mama!! Love your edit, btw.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
> 
> Thanks, Mama!! Love your edit, btw.


Why, thank you!







And thank you for being such a great mod!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lazurii*
> 
> I did flag it, the day it was posted...


Me too.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *liliaceae*
> 
> Me too.


Hooray for a splendiforous community!


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## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

I'm glad this post exists. It is here as a cautionary tale.

My 14-month-old son was a bit sick today and quite fussy. He wouldn't eat any food and just wanted to nurse all day. He clung to me while I tried to make dinner and it was just one of those days, you know?

I read the whole thread and then went and kissed my baby. I'm so grateful to have him in my life, and I'm so proud of the kind, inquisitive person that he is.

My heart breaks for the poor little boy in the original post, whose mother thinks he is a bad person because he is two and pedals his tricycle wrong.

I vow that when my son gets his first tricycle, he can pedal it fast or slow or backwards or wear the damn thing as a hat if he wants. I'm just here to be blessed by his smiles.


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## moving toward (Nov 14, 2012)

I agree with pretty much all of the posts here but thought I would just throw in - have you had his iron levels tested? maybe he is really fatigued and simply can't be as active as he would like. Also is he depressed, as others have suggested there seems like a lot of pressure in your home - maybe talk to your ped and see if you can come up with a plan.

I have the opposite problem with my dd 2.5 - I'm bone idle and she doens't stop - I had to join her in a Saturday soccer program so she can run around and give me a break


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## jazzybaby9 (Feb 27, 2007)

This post made me very sad to read. You shouldn't be so hard on him. Different people like different things. I'm sad that you're embarrassed of him being himself. I'd work on your perception, rather than on where you think your child is "lacking" ... I agree with the other posters who say to figure out if he's nutritionally deficient. Good luck and I hope it works out!!!


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