# help! OB waiting room misery (rant)



## AbbeyWH (Feb 3, 2009)

because i'm a home-birther i haven't had to suffer this experience after a loss until now
my midwives referred me to an ob to do some work on a badly healed tear
i had seen this same ob about 10 days before i went into labor
because my midwives suggest a meet and greet
since he would be doing the delivery if i had a non-emergency transfer to a hospital
so today when i arrived the receptionist asked how the baby was
i told her bluntly it was dead
she was shocked and didn't knew what to say
i began crying
then i sat between two women (both pregnant)
who began chatting they began trading pictures and cooing over each-others babies
then one of the woman's husbands came in
with their adorable sleeping daughter in a carriage
so i moved away
and i told the receptionist i was going to wait outside
i sat outside crying
when the nurse got me into the exam room
she also asked me about the baby
and i had to tell her too, then i started crying again
when the dr. came in he made me feel bad about choosing a home-birth
the only comfort was that he confirmed that it sounded like an abruption
even though there wasn't bleeding or proof in the placenta pathology
he said it is still probably what happened
after he worked on my tear
by then i was crying so much the nurse and him ran out of the room
like they were afraid of me
but i have to go back a couple of more times
and sit in that waiting room!
help! i guess next time i can bring my hubby for support
but i just wanted to share my story with a community i felt might understand what an awful day i had!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)




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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Ugh, I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience







And I am so very sorry for your loss









I still remember how awful my first time back at the women's health center was after I lost my baby. It was for my 6 week check, and I was still so raw. There were pregnant women, and women for their 6 week checks, except they had their babies&#8230; I broke down and had to wait in the bathroom! And then being back in the same room I spent my prenatal checks in,including the one where I found out my baby had passed&#8230; Ugh! Just a very unpleasant thing. And my hubby was there for support, but it was still sooo tough.

Anyway, again, I'm so sorry. Peace and healing to you.


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

i am so so sorry for your loss. i had a similar day on monday. i went to see the high risk ob for a consult about the baby's autopsy. i have never met him, but when i walked in the waiting room was filled, and i mean, seriously filled with pregnant women. then i realized i had been here for an ultrasound. all these women were waiting for ultrasounds. i went to the receptionist, and she told me the doc has called out sick, and i would see someone else. now, i was told he was going to take the time to go through my records first, and know about our case. i just lost it. seriously lost it, in front of all these pregnant ladies, and said, my baby died. he has the autopsy, i can't see anyone else...it was so horrible and harsh. so, yeah, i can relate.

i hate that we have to go through these brutal days, and hard situations.


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry-- I just couldn't read and not reply.







s: If you do have to go back there-- maybe try and get the earliest appointment they have? Perhaps you'll have to wait less.








s.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I think this is a common problem. For me, it was sitting in the waiting room for an ultrasound confirming that my baby had died. It was full of pregnant women excited to see their wiggly babies, and I could hear a fetal heartbeat the whole time. When we left, the receptionist told me to "have a nice day." I about bit her head off. I did let my midwife know how painfull all of this was in hopes that they might rethink the steps that a woman has to go through after a loss. Again, I'm sorry.







s


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

I'm so so sorry. I am so shocked by the way people act towards others in these situations. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you were treated that way.


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## maemaemama (Oct 10, 2007)

so sorry. what an awful day. it's so hard when no one around you knows and you need the world to know.


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss and these offices really need to review their policies on how they treat parents who have just lost their child.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

I am so sorry...


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

I am so sorry - there are literally no words. It's bad enough that this care has to take place in OB unit (when honestly, no one in your situation wouldn't prefer a broom closet in the geriatric ward), but so much worse to have it handled by people who deal so badly with your grief.

So I say this: CALL YOUR MIDWIFE. Tell her what happened. Say that you cannot go back there. You need some other provider (because this one is an insensitive doink), some better plan.

There's some basic stuff a provider can do here that might make your life easier:
1. Schedule the appointments through the GYN unit at the hospital or at a GYN practice. While OB/GYN are frequently connected, the GYN waiting rooms have far fewer babies. If you must go to an OB practice, they should move you back to an exam room right away, and try not to have you sit in the waiting room at all.
2. Give your midwife permission to give some more information about you when she makes the referral and ask that it be noted in your record. She should tell them what you need, and tell them about your loss. No one should have to ask you about the baby. Your file should be flagged so that they know you've had a loss, otherwise, they have no idea how to be gentle with you.

Also, your midwife really should know what a doink this guy is, so that she doesn't send other patients his way. He sounds horrible. I am so sorry.


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## famille_huggins (Mar 30, 2007)

I'm sorry, too. I had to see my specialist and OB several times after my loss, and it was always so painful to sit in that waiting room. I second the suggestion of getting the earliest appointment or the one immediately after lunch. When you check in, ask to go straight to an exam room instead of waiting in the reception area. If you give them the opportunity, the staff is generally trained to be sensitive to your pain. Still, it's hard -- they'll never completely understand.







to you...


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through that.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

Its amazing how not particularly sensitive providers can be... I am pretty much having flash backs as I type. I am so sorry that this super crappy situation happened.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.









I hated waiting in the OB reception area too, but at least my nurse and doc apologized profusely to me when I was in the exam room. If you feel up to it (or maybe later on), you can write a letter. Not a mad letter, just one letting the office know that they aren't doing a good job with mamas who lose a baby. Maybe you can help someone in the future.


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## MiracleMama (Sep 1, 2003)

Oh my gosh that just sounds horrible...I'm SO sorry that you had to deal with that (and you too Angie....).
Unfortunately I imagine this happens to a lot of mamas after a late term loss. These doctors and nurses need to be more sensitive!! I am so upset for you. I hope you are doing ok now.







2


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

Oh Abbey, I am so sorry about that experience. So sorry. Why can't people be more sensitive.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry you had to endure that ... it's so sad that a tiny modicum of forethought could be so helpful in avoiding situations like this.


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## MFuglei (Nov 7, 2002)

What a nightmare. I'm not sure what else to say - honestly, I would definitely make sure that the office manager and your doctor are both made aware of your experience through a well-written letter.

I'm stunned, honestly, that any woman who had gone through a loss of any sort would have to make those needs clear to someone in this business ahead of their appointment, but it's become increasingly clear to me after my own experiences that the office staff and even doctors are unbelievably hardened to these experiences or something. Honestly, I don't get it. I really don't. I don't understand how any person thinks that's a good idea. Ever.

I read somewhere while doing research that there's a very high percentage of women who transfer care after a loss -- and it's clear to me that it's often not for specific medical reasons but for *this* emotional reason. If your care providor cannot give you, you know, CARE in the form of both physical and emotional support, then why stay with them? And if all providors are like that, then it's no wonder women begin an honest search for someone more sensitive after a loss.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I'm sorry!


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## AbbeyWH (Feb 3, 2009)

Thank you Amazing Mommas!
i cannot tell you how much your replies comforted me!
i took all of your advice...
i did tell my midwives and they were furious (and very sympathetic)
especially after having called him in front of me to give him a heads up that i was coming in so this wouldn't happen!
then i called his office today to reschedule my appt. to be the last of the day
and one of the midwives is coming with me next time since she lives near by... whew!
Thanks for listening and always being willing to share your stories too
BIG HUGS


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## MiracleMama (Sep 1, 2003)

It sounds like you have a wonderful midwife. That is so thoughtful that she is going with you.
Again, I'm so sorry for what you went through. I know next time won't be easy, but hopefully, it won't be AS bad.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

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