# Anyone have a toddler who has never slept through the night?



## alysonb (Mar 15, 2006)

I am getting a lot of grief right now from friends and relatives, and even my pediatrician, about the fact that DS does not sleep through the night. Everyone is blaming it on the fact that we co-sleep, saying that I am waking him up inadvertently during the night and that he will only be able to sleep soundly in his own bed. Right now it is just me and him in a huge king size bed (DH is a wild sleeper and thrashes so violently that I kicked him out of bed years ago). I am an extremely light sleeper and wake up at the slightest noise.

Currently DS will wake up 2-3 times a night, drink a little from a sippy and go right back to sleep. I don't even know if he is fully awake. I've tried taking the sippy away and that didn't work, then he'll start crying and really wake up. I successfully moved him to his own bed several months ago, with no crying or fuss, but he would always wake up in the middle of the night and come back in bed with me, so finally I figured that maybe he wasn't totally emotionally ready to be on his own so we started co-sleeping again. He will be 20 months this week, btw. So what do you think, is he normal or should I seriously try getting him into his own bed? I should also mention that he still takes an afternoon nap and has never appeared tired or not rested.


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## jazzharmony (Nov 10, 2006)

Totally normal. I wake to have a sip of water during many nights and i'm fully grown









If it makes you feel better, my 3yo wakes several times a night to nurse and my 6yo who sleeps in another room wakes as well. He puts himself back to sleep but at 18mo he certainly needed help getting back to sleep when he woke.

The best advice I can give you is to keep his sleep habits to yourself. I would not bring up the topic and if others do, simply change the subject.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

I found with my DD that no matter what changes I made or what strategies I tried, she kept nightwaking until all of her teeth came in. I nightweaned her, then she weaned completely, she's in her own bed next to ours, she sleeps by herself for the first 4-5 hours. But, none of those things meant the end of nightwaking for us. Only the teeth coming in has made it stop.

I'd say, try not to worry, try not to let others get to you, and it sounds like you're doing great.


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## Shaki (Mar 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jazzharmony* 
Totally normal. I wake to have a sip of water during many nights and i'm fully grown









If it makes you feel better, my 3yo wakes several times a night to nurse and my 6yo who sleeps in another room wakes as well. He puts himself back to sleep but at 18mo he certainly needed help getting back to sleep when he woke.

The best advice I can give you is to keep his sleep habits to yourself. I would not bring up the topic and if others do, simply change the subject.

Exactly!


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

My dd didnt sleep thru the night till she was 3yo and even now at 6yo she wakes to go pee several nights a week. My ds is almost 3y and he still wakes multiple times a night to get a drink.

Me I am 35yo and wake at least once a night still to get up and go pee







and wake to turn over to many times to count.


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## EmsMom (Dec 13, 2001)

My dd didn't sleep through the night until she was was nearly 5. Perfectly normal for her. With your son's family history of one light sleeping parent and one wild sleeping parent, it sounds pretty normal for him! Especially if he goes right back to sleep, what is the harm? Just stop talking about it and everyone will assume he is and stop giving you grief. It certainly isn'st a MEDICAL issue so there is no reason at all to involve the pediatrician.


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rzberrymom* 
I found with my DD that no matter what changes I made or what strategies I tried, she kept nightwaking until all of her teeth came in.

:yawning: When _do_ those last teeth come in? Lucy seems like she's getting up more lately. (Sorry for the mini-hijack of the thread!)

Oh, and agree with the "don't ask, don't tell policy." It saves a lot of grief, especially if you have a noncommittal comeback for people when they do ask.


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

Why do people feel the need to tell you something is wrong if a little one does not sleep through the night?







: It just makes me crazy.

I have had a similar experience as the PPs.

DD night weaned (with gentle encouragement) at 2 1/2. She was waking maybe 2 times a night to nurse. After that she would still stir, drink from a sippy, and then go back to sleep with minimal help.

She's now almost 4 and still wakes in the middle of the night for a drink a few times per week.

I think she is probably waking more than that. If I am out of bed (8 months pregnant...always peeing, eating and drinking) she will get up and look for me. If I am in bed all night though, I really never know about it (other than the request for a drink). Sometimes, in the morning, she even tells me she woke up and looked out the window to see the moon (window is right at our head).

I agree with the don't tell to avoid PITA interference from well meaning but uninformed pediatricians.


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## princesspennie (Jul 26, 2005)

Quote:

The best advice I can give you is to keep his sleep habits to yourself. I would not bring up the topic and if others do, simply change the subject.








:


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## alysonb (Mar 15, 2006)

Thanks for the feedback. I personally don't think anything of it, and my body has adjusted so that I am fully rested despite being woken up so much. As far as other people go, I don't actively talk about it, but my pediatrician had asked whether he was sleeping through the night so I told her no and she asked about his sleeping arrangements. I'm also the only one in my circle of family/friends who CDs, so of course they just think I'm out there a bit.

I feel more confident after your responses and think I'll just start changing the subject when people ask.


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## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alysonb* 

I feel more confident after your responses and think I'll just start changing the subject when people ask.

that's a great strategy!

it's amazing how people can be so RUDE about making comments that reveal their disdain at differing parenting practices.

our 20 month old dd is a GREAT sleeper, although she does nurse several times per night, she rarely wakes up even to latch on (we've got it down to a science!!) the other day one of our neighbors asked us if she's sleeping through the night, and i said YES, but she still nurses a ton.

she couldn't hide the look of disgust, and asked me when i was going to stop "THAT", and i learned at that moment that sometimes, selectively omitting non-essential information can save us a lot of grief.









and as pp's have mentioned, you can turn it around and ask them if they sleep through the night without waking (whether it's to change positions, or to take a drink, or to go to the bathroom)...most people don't because it's not the biological norm for our species to pass out and be unconscious for 8 hours. the expectation to have a full nights sleep without waking is a cultural construct.


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## genericmom (Jun 19, 2007)

My 3 year old has always waken atleast once a night. Not sure why she does it but it doesn't really interfere much and we're both able to go right back to sleep. Sometimes I think its just her way of making sure im still there.


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## Liam's Mum (Jan 9, 2007)

Mine is only really starting to sleep through most nights, this started around 2.5, and then I helped it a bit with gentle nightweaning. But he still gets up sometimes, as do I







It can't be "blamed" on co-sleeping either because we didn't start doing that until I realized that having him in a crib in another room was no magic bullet either, when he was 17 mos. We started him out in his room but he usually joined us, he is still welcome to but does so less and less now.

My sister never co-slept, her DD slept through at 5 weeks, her DS at 4 years (both were bf, but the DS hadn't been for a few years at that point).

So yes, normal! And I concur with the don't ask/don't tell, I found once I made peace with it and didn't tell people "I'm tired" (not that you are, I'm speaking for myself), they stopped telling me how to fix it, and at a certain point they probably just assumed he was sleeping through and stopped asking.

Sounds like he goes back to sleep pretty easily too, so no worries!


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## Elipsisqueen (May 7, 2007)

YOu and I are kindred spirits! My 20 month old still wakes up 2-4 times per night for a drink of milk. I never saw the point of making him miserable, so I've let the milk habit continue. I personally lie to the ped. about it; I know that they are not for attachment parenting. I just consider Dr. Sears our true doctor.
My first son didn't sleep throught the night till 2.5. He was a binky addict-- he'd wake up for me to pop the binky back in his mouth. People thought I was crazy for co-sleeping and being there for him at every whimper, but now, he is the NICEST child on Earth and he is academically gifted, reading 6 grade levels above his own. So remember, ATTACHMENT PARENTING WORKS even though you have to deal with people thinking you're a weirdo and you have to have a very hard , tired life for a couple of years!!!!!!!!!

My sister actually just had the nerve to criticize the fact that DS doesn't have a fancy themed room with his own bed. She did have a fancy room for her kids and was one of those who used CIO and locked them in their rooms when they were toddlers. Now she has kids with no empathy, no impulse control, no respect for her, and very average intelligence. I'll keep my child in the bed with me, thank you very much, and let him develop the way he is supposed to.


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## Elipsisqueen (May 7, 2007)

It is so good for my soul to read the responses of you all!!! I go around feeling like such a weirdo for not sleeping through the night, but you all remind me that it's fine.

Just read on the API website that kids don't even have the brain development to self-soothe until 2.5- 3 years old!!!!!!!!!!


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## Elipsisqueen (May 7, 2007)

Also, your son being well-rested is all that matters!!!!


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## co mama (Feb 2, 2005)

I had to chime in on this thread. My DD is 23 months and I don't ever remember her sleeping through the night. She normally starts out in her own bed, but joins us at some point in the night. She still nurses serveral times throughout the night. Her doctor is also giving me a hard time about this. I have told the doctor that it really doesn't bother me and I feel rested (mostly!). I think that this is a lot more common than it seems. Again, it's the don't ask don't tell policy! The way I look at it, she is getting what she needs and she is still a baby looking for comfort. She is a very happy, heathly child who still also takes a nap and seems perfectly rested!

I often feel that I am the only one whose child is not sleeping! I am glad to know that there are other mom's in the same boat. I love Mothering for that reason!


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## BrooklynDoula (Oct 23, 2002)

My son was 3+ when he started to sleep more than 3 hours & now at 5 he sleeps 10 or more hours straight through


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## NewMomBevW (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alysonb* 
I am getting a lot of grief right now from friends and relatives, and even my pediatrician, about the fact that DS does not sleep through the night. Everyone is blaming it on the fact that we co-sleep, saying that I am waking him up inadvertently during the night and that he will only be able to sleep soundly in his own bed. Right now it is just me and him in a huge king size bed (DH is a wild sleeper and thrashes so violently that I kicked him out of bed years ago). I am an extremely light sleeper and wake up at the slightest noise.

Currently DS will wake up 2-3 times a night, drink a little from a sippy and go right back to sleep. I don't even know if he is fully awake. I've tried taking the sippy away and that didn't work, then he'll start crying and really wake up. I successfully moved him to his own bed several months ago, with no crying or fuss, but he would always wake up in the middle of the night and come back in bed with me, so finally I figured that maybe he wasn't totally emotionally ready to be on his own so we started co-sleeping again. He will be 20 months this week, btw. So what do you think, is he normal or should I seriously try getting him into his own bed? I should also mention that he still takes an afternoon nap and has never appeared tired or not rested.


My DS is 20 months and has NEVER slept thru the night. The first 3 months he LITERALLY slept ON me at night (on my chest) because in his crib he would toss and turn and wake himself up continually. He did sleep in his crib from 5 months until about 11 months. Then he started daycare and got really sick and I brought him back in bed with me because it was just easier to monitor and comfort him then getting up five million times a day. We have tried to put him back into his crib but it takes him forever to settle and he keeps rolling into the sides. I personally enjoy co-sleeping but my DH sleeps on the couch...he's a night owl and he snores terribly. My DS wakes generally a couple times a night, has a small bottle and goes right back to sleep. Sometimes he can go 5 hours between bedtime (8:30) and his first bottle, sometimes only 3. I just go with it...I figure when he's ready..he'll let me know!! He's a pretty stubborn little guy (like his Mom







) so trying to "adjust" him to what other people think is "normal" is a nightmare. It's not THEIR life....why do they always think that they should have a say?? I keep hearing about that bogus SIDS warning from CPSC from family/friends and it annoys me. Co-sleeping helps us BOTH get a better night's sleep..this way I can literally just reach over and check if he's okay rather than get up...walk over to his crib, etc, etc. I was getting up a dozen times a night before!! He sleeps fine in his playpen at home care or grandma's during the day...I think he really likes being with Mom during the night...so snuggly!!

Anyway...sorry I went on and on....same as the others said tho...don't bring it up if you don't have to...or lie...it works for me!! LOL!! Still, it's really no one else's business which really irks me..but such is life.







: Good luck!!


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## chiro_kristin (Dec 31, 2004)

My 23-month-old still wakes every 2-3 hours to nurse..sometimes it is comfort nursing and sometimes it is full-on hard nursing.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

Okay, I'm not in your position b/c I have a newborn, but if co-sleeping were the _cause_ of night time wakings, wouldn't poor people in that case never be able to sleep? Many in my Dad's generation who grew up in poverty had to share beds, out of necessity, with their siblings. It was very normal, and to my knowledge neither he nor his siblings have any sleep issues now.

I guess it's different with a mother-child situation but my Dad told me that in his social circle when he grew up, it was totally normal and accepted. Having a baby in a separate room was a luxury and even sometimes a laughable, inadvertantly less tolerable, situation.


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## naturegirl7 (Jan 27, 2005)

sleep thru the night - what in the world is that?









My son is 2 and he wakes atleast 1-2 times per night (once I've gone to bed) to nurse. he wakes just enough to latch on, and then we are both back out. I don't think it affects our sleep in any way except a positive one. If he didn't sleep right next to me - he'd wake up all the way and have to climb into bed to nurse or worse scream until I went to get him. THAT would kill value sleep time.

I hear you though - many people rag on us for it, saying it is bad for DS, bad for my relationship with DH - without listening to the obvious benefits we already are reaping. It is their own issues being projected on me. Bluhck!


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