# I know the cost, but I have to admit I am a *little* jealous



## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

I visited a board I used to read all the time when I was pregnant. I had a few friends there and wanted to see how there babies were doing. I clicked on a "How is your baby doing at 6 months" thread and they were all talking about how long they were sleeping. All of them were sleeping all night. One slept from 8pm to 8am and then played happily in her cot for another 30 minutes! I KNOW the cost is high, and I wont do it... wont even consider it... but I cant help thinking how nice it would be if my sweet baby boy went to sleep at 8 and slept all night long. Instead of waking at 8:30, 10:30, 3:00, 4:30 (for an hour or so) and then for they day at 7am. I left that forum for a reason... when they all started talking about sleep training I am ashamed to admit I tried it one night for about 20 - 30 minutes. When It felt SOOOO wrong and horrible to let my baby cry like that I knew something wasn't right. And I looked for some different solutions. Then I found MDC. But still.... 12 hours of sleep? WOuldnt that be great? I am the green eyed monster







a little bit!


----------



## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

It's a wonderful fantasy, isn't it? With a horrible truth underneath it. Kudos for you for following your instincts and finding MDC to support you! Your baby must be so lucky to have you


----------



## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

I don't know...we were over at the house of some folks whose 1-year-old is a "great sleeper" who sleeps "all night long". BUT...she cried for a solid hour, starting shortly after we got there. It wasn't like the hysterical kind of desperate, scared crying I would have expected, or I don't think we could have even stayed. It was more like sad, kinda pissed-off, but resigned crying. Off and on for an hour.

So my thinking is--does this baby REALLY sleep "all night long"? Or is it more like, if she wakes up at 8:30, 10:30, 3:00, 4:30, she is ignored then just like she was ignored at the beginning of the evening.

That is not the relationship I want to have with my child. That I am only there for you when I feel like it. That you only have a parent during daylight hours. Etc. Maybe I would get more sleep. And then maybe in 12 or 13 years I would be wondering why my child was turning to drugs or self-injuring or promiscuity, etc. I'm not saying CIO inevitably leads to those things, but I think it is traumatizing and that kids will practice many different ways of coping with that trauma in the long-term.


----------



## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wednesday* 
I don't know...we were over at the house of some folks whose 1-year-old is a "great sleeper" who sleeps "all night long". BUT...she cried for a solid hour, starting shortly after we got there. It wasn't like the hysterical kind of desperate, scared crying I would have expected, or I don't think we could have even stayed. It was more like sad, kinda pissed-off, but resigned crying. Off and on for an hour.

So my thinking is--does this baby REALLY sleep "all night long"? Or is it more like, if she wakes up at 8:30, 10:30, 3:00, 4:30, she is ignored then just like she was ignored at the beginning of the evening.










:

I have two friends who used CIO and say that their babies sleep "all night long." One friend means that if they put her down and she starts crying, they let her cry herself to sleep. The other means that when her (frequent) nightwaker gets up at night, she ignores him and lets him cry himself back to sleep. They are 18 months and 14 months so this has been going on for a long time with no change. But if you ask them, or they discuss it, they both say, "Oh, yeah! XX has been sleeping through the night since he/she was X months old!" What they really mean, is THEY have been sleeping through the night.







: The babies, however, are still waking and crying or tossing and turning and not calling out.

In my observation poor sleepers will be poor sleepers whether they are in a crib or in the family bed. My ds HATES sleep and fights me tooth and nail, screaming, tossing, turning, waking, poking himself in the eyeballs, the whole 9 yards. We co-sleep and I am always rocking him, nursing him, laying beside him in bed so he doesn't wake up, etc. I also was a terrible sleeper as a baby but I was a crib sleeper. My mom said I was exactly the same as ds only she had to *get up out of bed* and walk down the hall to sit next to my crib, wipe my face off, lay me down, pat my back, cry along with me, and eventually crawl out of the room on her hands and knees.

It's hard not to feel jealous when people talk about their babies sleeping through the night but I always try and ask myself first, "Are they REALLY sleeping through the night?" because if they really, truly are--maybe they are just good sleepers and they would be sleeping through the night in a crib OR in a family bed! And second, it is likely that my poor sleeper will be a poor sleeper no matter where he sleeps, and I don't have the heart to roll over and keep sleeping while he screams his tail off all alone in the dark.


----------



## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Frankly, they might be lying due to peer pressure.

Some of them will sleep all night at that age. But remember there are sleep studies that found that less than one fifth of babies sleep through at that age. Your babe is in the majority!

And some babies will wake up and not bother crying because they are "resigned" to it to quote the word you so acccurately used.

link:
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sl...epstudies.html


----------



## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)

i would miss alice if i didn't interact with her for 12 hours a day, that is half the day. we're too attached to her


----------



## jellop (Dec 11, 2006)

When my first babe was born, my sis-in-law always told me stories about how her boy slept all night from the time he was 2 weeks old. She wore that fact like her badge of honor or something. Then one day, all of the family was together at the table as she started her "all night sleeper baby" stories when I'd mentioned how often my son was getting up, and her mom jumped right in the middle of that. Apparently, it wasn't that her son slept so great all night, it was that SHE didn't get up to take care of him! SHE slept all night, not even hearing him cry, but that didn't mean HE slept all night. Then my s-i-l sheepishly replied, (get this), "Yeah, I'm not much of a night person. I like my sleep."

Don't let it get to you. Yea, the *fantasy* of sleeping all night sounds great, but don't count on it for the next couple years!


----------



## ladyslipper (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jellop* 
When my first babe was born, my sis-in-law always told me stories about how her boy slept all night from the time he was 2 weeks old. She wore that fact like her badge of honor or something. Then one day, all of the family was together at the table as she started her "all night sleeper baby" stories when I'd mentioned how often my son was getting up, and her mom jumped right in the middle of that. Apparently, it wasn't that her son slept so great all night, it was that SHE didn't get up to take care of him! SHE slept all night, not even hearing him cry, but that didn't mean HE slept all night. Then my s-i-l sheepishly replied, (get this), "Yeah, I'm not much of a night person. I like my sleep."

Don't let it get to you. Yea, the *fantasy* of sleeping all night sounds great, but don't count on it for the next couple years!

















: Somtimes I feel so tired, especially when I try to sleep on my back but dd wants my breast in her mouth which forces me back on my side, and then I look at her all comforted and me feeling uncomfortable and squished with my husband smashed up next to me and think, "oh my god, she is so beautiful when she sleeps and she smells so wonderful." I wouldn't get to experience such closeness if she was in a crib.


----------



## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Just to say that, some babies just do sleep like that. My ds was one of those babies. I have never used CIO, it disgusts me! He would go down on his own at 7 and wake at 7am. The only times he woke in the night is when he was sick or teething. He was just one of those babes.(i was very lucky!!) he still is an excellent sleeper! (almost 3 now). So maybe just maybe some of those mamas didnt use cio(we can only hope!).


----------



## boobybunny (Jun 28, 2005)

My now almost ten year old slept through the night at 2 weeks. I slept in the room next his crib. (my former spouse is not what you would call open minded)

He would sleep from 10pm to after 7 am, he refused to ever take a nap. To this day, he takes a lot to get him to sleep, but once he is there.... there is no waking him.

The other two... not such good sleepers.


----------



## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Some kids are just good sleepers. A friend of mine was blessed with a baby who slept in four-hour stretches from birth (ebf), and who now, at 15 months, gets sweet and snuggly when he's tired and still takes a couple of naps a day. This kid (here is the part I find really amazing) says "yes" but doesn't say "no" yet. I don't know where she got her Stepford Toddler, but hey, good for her!









My kid is 21 months and sleeps through the night occasionally, not often. I'm pretty happy that he rarely wakes up more than twice a night these days. When he was a baby it was every two hours.


----------



## marieandchris (Jun 6, 2005)

Oh, I don't know. I really like my little ones close to me for many reasons.

My SIL and BIL adopted a little girl, and found her one morning siezing in her crib soon after she arrived in their house. They had ignored her cries in the night, when she developed a really high fever from a urinary track infection (she was barely a year old...) No one knows how long she had been siezing.

I wouldn't trade the night wakings for for sleep, since it means a) the possibility that the above might happen, and b) for the loss of seeing my precious son and daughter ease themself into wakefullness at the beginning of the day, or look at their tiny sleeping bodies and watch how pure love lives and breathes.

Marie


----------



## BetsyNY (Jul 1, 2005)

:

There isn't always a "cost" for babies sleeping through the night. Sometimes they just sleep better in a crib. It works for us, no CIO, and no seizures so far.


----------



## SMoody (Dec 22, 2006)

I always was amazed by these woman that got there kids to sleep through the night. Always wondered what they did. Also belong to another group and except for me there is only one other baby that still didnt sleep through at 11 months.

I did however get mine to sleep through before a year old without CIO. We moved house at 7 weeks with her. They packed up all our stuff when she was 8 months. Was away from her dad for another month. Moved countries and stayed with strangers for her for another months. So from waking up 4 times at night to 12 times was killing me.

I couldnt keep on functioning like this at all. When she started getting settled here it went down to 4 times. I then took her to a family member that does neurolink. She told me my daughter cant break down carbs that well. After that she started sleeping for longer until she only had one feed at 4 still. A week after that I just picked her up and told her no milkies right now come dudu for mommy and she went straight to sleep without waking up at all.

So it definately can be done without CIO and will never consider doing it but there is other ways that might help with your LO.


----------



## CherylDec&Jul (Dec 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyNY* 
There isn't always a "cost" for babies sleeping through the night. Sometimes they just sleep better in a crib. It works for us, no CIO, and no seizures so far.

Same here.

At 6 months dd was sleeping through the night - 11 hours. She has always been a good sleeper since day 1 & she started sleeping thru the night all on her own (at a few months old) - with no training & certainly no CIO. However, once she started teething/eating solids she stopped sleeping thru the night - now at 12 months she gets up 1 time to nurse (no complaints here of course). So some of these babies may stop sleeping through the night soon!


----------



## ABMama (Aug 2, 2006)

I really don't believe mom's who say that their children under 6mos sleep through the whole night, without waking. It's impossible. The child does wake up.
When we sleep we go through cycles, so even as adults we do not sleep through the night, we just have learned to self soothe and so that is why we don't remember waking up (sometimes).
Babies don't know how and they must learn, some do it by the boob, or by a cuddle, and lets hope not by extinction...







:
What worries me about "sleeping through the night" and "CIO" is that if the parents sleep through the childs crys, or fusses, and then wakes up in the moring to find their baby really sick or worse because they got sick in the night and couldn't turn over.......







:
My DH is in EMS, so sometimes I have grim thoughts like this.
Be HAPPY that your child DOES NOT sleep through the night, that way you know that your DC is SAFE!


----------



## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

I havew to agree with Momtwice. Some babies do sleep through the night on their own with no trauma to anyone. IME, a disproportionate number of babies described on the web fall into this category. It could be because well-rested moms have the most time to post. Some of those moms are definitely lying through their teeth, though.

And the web being what it is, at least a few of those lying moms are probably 40-year-old childless men with weird issues.


----------



## ABMama (Aug 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stik* 

And the web being what it is, at least a few of those lying moms are probably 40-year-old childless men with weird issues.









So true!


----------



## Taryn237 (Aug 20, 2006)

I will agree that I am jealous of my friends who "have all night sleepers." But DH was over one of their houses when our friend was putting DC to bed. He said the dad just put her in her crib, covered her with a blanket, and left her whimpering. I could *never* do that! The poor kid! Even in my sleep deprivation I know I'm doing something right since everyone I know says I have the happiest baby ever. Now if only he would stop nursing 10 times a night. LOL.


----------



## Linzie2 (Sep 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mothragirl* 
i would miss alice if i didn't interact with her for 12 hours a day, that is half the day. we're too attached to her

















:

Even if DD is sleeping soundly in her co-sleeper, I bring her into bed when I go to sleep. I love that closeness, and wouldn't change a thing!!!


----------



## mommadoc (Nov 10, 2006)

I have been troubled the last couple of days, wondering if I am doing the right thing by cosleeping with my son and continuing to breastfeed on demand. After reading this thread I feel better about my decision to follow my instincts. Garrett is almost 15 months old and still nurses every 2-4 hours. He wakes up 2 or more times most every night and nurses back to sleep. We started to ec around 13 mo and he has picked up on it really well, he will even hold it until I can get him to the bathroom if we are shopping or in the car! Our children communicate with us in so many ways and all we need to do is listen to what they are telling us and respond as we would to any adult. Thanks everyone for affirming this conviction and for teaching our children the best way we know how.


----------



## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marieandchris* 
Oh, I don't know. I really like my little ones close to me for many reasons.

My SIL and BIL adopted a little girl, and found her one morning siezing in her crib soon after she arrived in their house. They had ignored her cries in the night, when she developed a really high fever from a urinary track infection (she was barely a year old...) No one knows how long she had been siezing.












My friend said that she ignored her baby's cries during the night and found him in the morning fast asleep, covered in vomit. He had food poisoning and had woken up sick during the night, and threw up all over himself and the crib.


----------



## Nani (Aug 29, 2004)

My dd started sleeping 8 hours a night when she was 8 weeks old. Really true. I was almost ashamed to talk about this with other moms in our playgroup, as nobody else could say that. She slept right next to me, but ever since she was a teeny thing she slept much better in her own space, so I BF her to sleep, she started her milky dreams and then I would lay next to her, she in her cosleeper, me holding her little hand and singing to her. I'm pretty sure that at 6 months or so she slept 12 hours a night. Plus two naps a day.
My dh is especially great with listening to her breathe at night, he jumps up at the slightest "odd" sound and checks on her. She only wakes up if she's sick or thirsty. She has a sippy cup with water in her crib (again, we're still in the same room with her) and she drinks from it and puts it back again. I can not imagine sleeping in a separate room from her, and possibly not hear her be in distress.
There is no "cost" to her or to us, she's just who she is. She amazes me and many other people all the time, and again, I feel weird talking about it, since I don't want to make other moms uncomfortable or make my dd stand out or something. No Stepford here!


----------



## LilMamaAngel (Dec 19, 2006)

My DS went through a stage where he slept all night, truly all night as we don't do CIO. Now he doesn't and it's no big deal. He's fed and rocked down to sleep and then put in his crib (we all sleep better this way). If he wakes, we try to rock him down 1st (unless we know he's hungry) and if he doesn't rock back to sleep, he gets a diaper change, a bottle and goes back off. I will admit to letting him 'fuss' a bit when he does 1st wake up because sometimes, he's just waking to roll over or something and will go back to sleep. Please note that 'fussing' is not crying, it's him simply making unhappy noises. If they don't stop after about 1 min, we go get him and start the whole process over again.


----------



## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Ah, don't be jealous







I have a board that's been together for 7 years and I love them all dearly. Only a few of us coslept and yep, I heard those dream stories about crib babies, etc. BUT, what i've noticed is that the coslept, AP, babies have had much easier transitions in MANY other areas of life as the years go on. It's as though it's our turn now to breath easily and freely.


----------



## camomof5 (Oct 13, 2006)

Kendall is a good sleeper. She goes to bed about 9 or so. SHe gets up at about 7 am. Of course she nurses to sleep and I usually fall asleep so she may latch on in the night and me not know it. Some nights she still takes a midnight feeding. Hope things get better


----------



## Ravenous (Sep 16, 2006)

My baby slept through the night a crib in our room till she was about six months. she slept so good that I would have to wake her up to nurse her. She was and still is underweight so I had to be sure she was eating enough.

Now she wakes up several times a night and she sleeps with me. If I'm right next to her she will nurse and go right back to sleep I only have to wake up for a minute or two. If I'm awake and not in bed with her it's harder to get her to go back to sleep, sometimes she won't go back to sleep. It's like she senses I'm wide a wake and she want to be wide awake too.

I miss the early days of her sleeping through the night in her crib. I worry about her being safe while we are co-sleeping. Today while we were taking a nap I woke up suddenly and relized the covers were over her head. Things like this make me not want to co-sleep anymore.

We have a new apartment now and her crib is in another room. I have a hard time sleeping if she is that far away and when I do try to put her in her crib she wakes right up. If I do manage to get her in the crib without waking her, she wakes up within an hour or two and she sleeps with me for the rest of the night.

Everyone, even my boyfriend, tells me I need to let her CIO, But I just can't do that. It just feels wrong. I'm consantly being told how I'm spoiling her and how hard it will be to eventully get her to sleep in her own bed.

I'm completely torn with what to do, I'd like to find a solution that doesn't invole her crying herself to sleep.


----------



## gwynthfair (Mar 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ABMama* 
I really don't believe mom's who say that their children under 6mos sleep through the whole night, without waking. It's impossible. The child does wake up.
When we sleep we go through cycles, so even as adults we do not sleep through the night, we just have learned to self soothe and so that is why we don't remember waking up (sometimes).
Babies don't know how and they must learn, some do it by the boob, or by a cuddle, and lets hope not by extinction...







:
What worries me about "sleeping through the night" and "CIO" is that if the parents sleep through the childs crys, or fusses, and then wakes up in the moring to find their baby really sick or worse because they got sick in the night and couldn't turn over.......







:
My DH is in EMS, so sometimes I have grim thoughts like this.
Be HAPPY that your child DOES NOT sleep through the night, that way you know that your DC is SAFE!









My 3 mo dd sleeps through the night and we co-sleep and she is ebf and I wake very easily when she wimpers. So don't assume that just because a baby is "sleeping through the night" parents are ignoring or sleeping through their cries. I'm really tired of so many people thinking that just because most babies don't sleep through the night, that it's bad if they do. I think that if your baby is otherwise healthy you should follow their cues when it comes to sleeping.


----------



## wanderlost (Dec 27, 2005)

ds slept with me until he was about 9 months old and then he went to a crib. He woke every 4 hours like clock work when he slept with me and the same when he slept in his crib - he surely would have "slept through the night" in his crib had I not got up and gone to him - but moving him to his crib at that time wasn't about sleep, it was about his safety....dd sleeps with us now and she has slept for 7 hours at a time for a few times (though last night she was up every 2-3 hours) - so I think the whole sleeping through the night completely depends on the baby more than where they sleep....

but for the moms that CIO and call it sleeping through the night - how can they sleep throught that anyway??


----------



## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ABMama* 
I really don't believe mom's who say that their children under 6mos sleep through the whole night, without waking. It's impossible. The child does wake up.

Oh, I believe there are some babies who do sleep through, and if they wake, settle themselves. A friend of mine who is pretty AP has had two kids who both slept through the night from a very young age, like 6-8 weeks. She didn't CIO with them. She just lucked out!


----------



## Smalls181 (May 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gwynthfair* 
My 3 mo dd sleeps through the night and we co-sleep and she is ebf and I wake very easily when she wimpers. So don't assume that just because a baby is "sleeping through the night" parents are ignoring or sleeping through their cries. I'm really tired of so many people thinking that just because most babies don't sleep through the night, that it's bad if they do. I think that if your baby is otherwise healthy you should follow their cues when it comes to sleeping.









: ITA!

Thats what AP is all about.. following the childs cues.

When DD was 2 months she started sleeping through the night. Not 12 hours, but usually 6-8 hours. She would be down for the night by 10, and then wouldnt wake until 5am. Then she would wake to nurse and we would co-sleep for the rest of the night. We were open to co-sleeping, but DD wouldnt have it. If she was in bed with us, she fussed, whined, squirmed, until we put her in her bed next to our bed, and then she was out for the night.

That all ended at around 6 months, when I think she started teething. Im not sure what happened, exactly, but she stopped wanting to sleep alone and stopped sleeping through the night. Sometimes I long for the nights of restful sleep, but Im not willing, not considering, to CIO. Not in this lifetime, or any other. Like the OP said, its not worth it.


----------



## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyNY* 







:

There isn't always a "cost" for babies sleepinsg through the night. Sometimes they just sleep better in a crib. It works for us, no CIO, and no seizures so far.

I agree. In fact, most co-sleeping advocates (Dr. Sears, for example) recognize that babies sleep LESS soundly in a co-sleeping environment. This is perceived as advantageous, as deep sleep is what can lead to SIDS.

We have never co-slept and we don't do CIO either. When my DD cried in the night as a baby, I went to her crib, took her out and nursed her. At 6 months, she was not sleeping 12 hours per night but she was sleeping about 8to 9 hours straight and then woke up to nurse. From 7 months she was sleeping about 11 hours per night.


----------



## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

A couple of points:

1) My kids always slept MORE soundly while cosleeping. (But still woke at ages one would expect to nurse often, etc.)

2)some people are feeling hurt on this thread by the OP saying she'd know the "cost" of having her child sleep through the night. I feel she was saying that she knows HER child is not capable of it at this time. I feel she was saying she understood the temptation to do CIO but is not going to do CIO because that isn't right for her.

I do not feel she was judging those fortunate enough to have a long-sleeping child.

If your child sleeps long stretches, that's different from claiming falsely that they do because of (message board or real life) peer pressure...so enjoy!


----------



## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

I'll remember for the rest of my life a horrifying story my mom told me when I was..I dunno, 13? She lived next to a woman who had a baby who was a couple of months old, and she didn't get up in the night when the baby cried. Apparently one night my mom heard the poor kid scream for hours, and found out the next day that the baby had died during the night. My mom doesn't know what actually caused the death, but the woman went into the baby's room in the morning and found her








When dd was a newborn and I was massively lacking sleep and frustrated with the constant nightwakings, that story would creep into my mind and make me realize how lucky I was to still have a daughter to get up at all hours of the night with. Scary stuff.


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Well, you don't know if any of those babies cry in the middle of the night and simply get ignored every night.

Besides, it's unlikely those babies will all continue to sleep that long, every night, once they start teething, getting into new milestones, etc. These parents will also have to re-train their babies after every minor cold.


----------



## sehbub (Mar 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyNY* 







:

There isn't always a "cost" for babies sleeping through the night. Sometimes they just sleep better in a crib. It works for us, no CIO, and no seizures so far.

Very true.









DD3 has slept by herself from the day she was born. The first month was in the NICU, and after that, we tried to cosleep, but she was on a heart monitor and DH got tangled in the cord one night and almost ripped the leads off her chest.







After she got off the heart monitor, she wouldn't sleep with us. She would toss and turn and scream. As soon as we gave her her own space, she slept for 3-4 hours at a stretch. I slept on the floor beside her crib (our room wasn't big enough to sidecar the crib) and then after about a month of that started sleeping in my own bed with the monitor turned way up so I could hear her breath.

Now, at 8 months, she has just started sleeping from 8-8, only waking up once. She also takes 3-4 naps/day, short ones in the morning and afternoon, and a long (2-3 hours!) one around lunchtime.

All of our kids have always loved to sleep. Just so happens they love to sleep alone, unfortunately. DD3 will scream until we lay her in her crib, then she smiles and rolls over on her side and goes to sleep.

We have the co-sleeper set up for our son's arrival in 6 weeks, so he'll be with us.

And we've never used CIO. If she's crying and doesn't want to eat, we go sit with her until she goes back to sleep. We're still hugely attached, even if she doesn't sleep with us.


----------



## sehbub (Mar 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
Well, you don't know if any of those babies cry in the middle of the night and simply get ignored every night.

Besides, it's unlikely those babies will all continue to sleep that long, every night, once they start teething, getting into new milestones, etc. These parents will also have to re-train their babies after every minor cold.

There's also a breed of us who are very attached, but don't cosleep, and don't train out babies, but instead follow their natural circadian rhythms. Yes, the two months when DD3 had her days and nights confused were AWFUL. But I wasn't about to force her to sleep when she wasn't tired. Same with teething, and when she had her nasty cold. She slept on our chests in 20 minute spurts for three days. It was hard, but it was what she needed, so it's what she got. Babies give cues. Thanks to AP, we're more readily able to read those cues.


----------



## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momtwice* 
A couple of points:

1) My kids always slept MORE soundly while cosleeping. (But still woke at ages one would expect to nurse often, etc.)

2)some people are feeling hurt on this thread by the OP saying she'd know the "cost" of having her child sleep through the night. I feel she was saying that she knows HER child is not capable of it at this time. I feel she was saying she understood the temptation to do CIO but is not going to do CIO because that isn't right for her.

I do not feel she was judging those fortunate enough to have a long-sleeping child.

If your child sleeps long stretches, that's different from claiming falsely that they do because of (message board or real life) peer pressure...so enjoy!

Exatly!!







I am certainly not judging those of you who are fortunate enough to have babies that sleep naturally through the night.You have to admit you are in the minority though! I'd be thrilled if I had one of those babies. But really...

I am thrilled to have MY baby. Last night he was up from midnight to 3 AWAKE and then he was up at 6:30. So guess how much sleep I got? 3 hours. I think its kind of a mom right to be able to tell stories of being up all night, but other than being SO TIRED it doesnt really bother me THAT much. It did bother me a *little* bit when he started kicking my in the stomach at 6:30. But when I turnded on the light and he smiled and gurgled at me, I didnt care anymore. I love him, even if he never will sleep through the night.


----------



## mamamilkers (Nov 11, 2005)

I used to follow a mainstream board and I often found that if people complained about lack of sleep alot of other mamas would jump and say "let your DC CIO! It's not that bad!". Basically it seemed that the mamas who had babes who slept through the night were more vocal about it and those whose babes weren't as "good" of sleepers would keep more quiet. It's just perspective.

I know you're a little jealouse, but the reality of their situations is almost 100% sure that every single one of those babes aren't sleeping like they are being represented to! Sure, many of them probably are, but not all.

Hugs mama, it can be so draining!


----------



## jadzia's_mommy (Jun 9, 2005)

ITA that some babies are "good" sleepers regardless of whether they are co-sleeping or not, and some babies are "bad" sleepers whether they co-sleep or not. There is a woman who is on another board I have visited since my oldest DD was a baby, and her son slept 10-12 hours straight from nearly the time he was a newborn. AND she co-slept! It boggled my mind, but the kid just liked sleep. I think very few people have babies like that, though. Most of the people on this same board who bragged that they used CIO and their baby slept through the night were having the same exact sleep problems the second the kid started teething or got a cold. Then they had to CIO all over again.









I think for most of us, however, our babies are somewhere in the middle. For them, I think co-sleeping does tend to cause them to wake a little more often. But that's okay, imo, because the trade off is so great.


----------



## emmasmominar (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Transitions* 
Just to say that, some babies just do sleep like that. My ds was one of those babies. I have never used CIO, it disgusts me! He would go down on his own at 7 and wake at 7am. The only times he woke in the night is when he was sick or teething. He was just one of those babes.(i was very lucky!!) he still is an excellent sleeper! (almost 3 now). So maybe just maybe some of those mamas didnt use cio(we can only hope!).

So true... I dont CIO and my dd started sleeping 12 hours very early. I still have a moniter and gte up when she is up of course.


----------



## emmasmominar (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ABMama* 
I really don't believe mom's who say that their children under 6mos sleep through the whole night, without waking. It's impossible. The child does wake up.
When we sleep we go through cycles, so even as adults we do not sleep through the night, we just have learned to self soothe and so that is why we don't remember waking up (sometimes).
Babies don't know how and they must learn, some do it by the boob, or by a cuddle, and lets hope not by extinction...







:
What worries me about "sleeping through the night" and "CIO" is that if the parents sleep through the childs crys, or fusses, and then wakes up in the moring to find their baby really sick or worse because they got sick in the night and couldn't turn over.......







:
My DH is in EMS, so sometimes I have grim thoughts like this.
Be HAPPY that your child DOES NOT sleep through the night, that way you know that your DC is SAFE!









I dont agree, sorry but I dont.

As a mom I DONT SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT ANY MORE. My dd does (yes she make wake up like you said we all do, but if she does it is not for more than a minute) I listen to her on the moniter all night and go in and check on her several times a night. Just because she dosent wake up dosent mean, I dont check on her and know she is safe.


----------



## emmasmominar (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 









My friend said that she ignored her baby's cries during the night and found him in the morning fast asleep, covered in vomit. He had food poisoning and had woken up sick during the night, and threw up all over himself and the crib.









that makes me SOOOO sad! Why would you ignore your child>?


----------



## huggerwocky (Jun 21, 2004)

Some children sleep well, other's don't. Having a crib does not produce great sleepers. I had 1 terrible sleeper and 1 good sleeper....no difference in raising there....I actually started the family bed when the older one was still waking 3-4 times at 9 months. After that I slept much better because she woke up less often and didn't start crying right away in the mornings.


----------



## emmasmominar (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sehbub* 
There's also a breed of us who are very attached, but don't cosleep, and don't train out babies, but instead follow their natural circadian rhythms. Yes, the two months when DD3 had her days and nights confused were AWFUL. But I wasn't about to force her to sleep when she wasn't tired. Same with teething, and when she had her nasty cold. She slept on our chests in 20 minute spurts for three days. It was hard, but it was what she needed, so it's what she got. Babies give cues. Thanks to AP, we're more readily able to read those cues.









Thank You! I co-slept when she was small and nursing every couple hours. Then started putting her in her crib (it was in my room)

When she was about a year and a half I moved her to a big girl bed in her own room, she loved it.

Since then, she can not sleep if she is in bed with me unless she is sick. She has woken up a couple times when I think she had a nighmare or something and could never sleep if I brought her to my room, but she was always fine in her bed alone.

In my bed she always wants to turn on the TV or roll around or just whatever.

No one sleeps that way.


----------



## Tattiana (Feb 17, 2006)

I do understand the jealousy. My first 3 slept through the night fairly early. I loved that I could put them in their crib and they would lay down and go to sleep, not cry and scream, but go to sleep. Of course, if they were teething, or didn't feel well, they ended up with me, but I understood that and helped them if they needed me. I didn't ignore them. Enter dd, my 18 month old. She started out colicky and a terrible sleeper and it hasn't ever gotten better. When I remember how easy it was with the others, I will admit that is does make me jealous, but I am not about to make her cry all night long (which is what would happen).


----------



## momuveight2B (Mar 17, 2006)

Out of seven kids none of them slept through the night before they were five. One could not co-sleep though because he has sensory integration disorder and could not bear to be touched in his sleep. We had to put him on a mattress on the floor next to our bed. He would go to sleep cuddled up with us but if anyone touched him once he was asleep he would wake up and scream for hours.

We had foster kids and they were used to sleeping alone and the social service rules were that they had to sleep in their own beds in their own rooms. That was when I found out that children whose night time needs had been neglected would not cry out in the night or come and find a parent for comfort. I was shocked to wake up to children who "slept" through the night but would be covered in vomit, feces and urine. They would have been sick in the night or soiled themselves and would go right back to sleep in it because they had learned that no one would come to help them. It is heartbreaking to see what happens when children have not developed trust in adults to respond to them and meet their needs.

I also worked in two trauma centers and I am terrified to let young children sleep alone. I can only sleep if I can hear them breathing and feel them in the room or next to me. A child who is crying for any reason needs an immediate response. If they are sleeping with me it is easy for me to feel what is going on and to respond before they ever cry. I have often woke up out of a deep sleep right before a child vomited and been able to sit them up over a bucket. When my youngest was on an apnea monitor I used to wake up just before the alarm would go off. The doctor never believed I could respond like that but I did.

Once my five year old had a cough drop and was lying beside me in bed early in the morning. He choked and if he had been alone might have died. I had to do the heimlich manuever on him. I don't let kids have cough drops in bed anymore after that.

My older children who sleep alone are aware of media stories like Elizabeth Smart and Jon Benet Ramsey. They find out from other kids at school and now their fear is that someone can come into their bedrooms and take them without parents hearing anything. They do sleep alone but I don't know how to reassure them that that could never happen because it has happened to kids and some of them were in rooms with siblings.

I have night time needs too and I expect my husband to respond to them KWIM.

I have also worked with the elderly and adults of all ages in the hospital and it would be a crime if we were to ignore their needs just because it is night time and they should be asleep.

Sorry to veer off topic a bit but I think night time needs are real needs and remain so for us throughout life.

As far as jealousy goes I never feel jealous when I hear these stories. Sometimes I will ask how they know if their child is cold in the night or something to that effect.


----------



## mamajennifer (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ABMama* 
I really don't believe mom's who say that their children under 6mos sleep through the whole night, without waking. It's impossible. The child does wake up.
l

I have to respectfully disagree with you. I have 3 children, and my 2 oldest did sleep through the night, in a crib 2 feet away from me at 8 and 10 weeks. Now my 3rd is a different story, at 11 months he's slept through the night exactly once, but I figure I'm just making up for having such good luck with the first two!


----------



## AmieV (Mar 31, 2005)

Yeah, I'm in the camp of there are good sleepers and not so good sleepers regardless of the arrangement. My oldest DD has been in her crib for a long time and goes through spells of good sleeping and spells of not so good sleeping.

Sure, I'm jealous of people that get a full night of sleep, in the same way that I'm jealous sometimes of people's mellow toddlers that don't throw monster tantrums, go to bed at 7:30 and don't run around full speed during all waking hours...but would I trade my precocious, sensitive, super active girl for anyone else? Of course not!! All the traits that make her a PITA sometimes are also the most endearing and things that will help her be strong in life.


----------



## pixiepunk (Mar 11, 2003)

ya know, i had this "jealousy" when my DD was younger and a few of our IRL friends w/kids of similar age were "sleeping through the night."

and then we stayed at one of their houses overnight, in a room across the hall from the nursery. their baby woke up, and cried for 5-15 minutes, numerous times through out the night. it woke DH and me up, but not her parents who were happily asleep on the other side of the house with no baby monitor on







: and that was after letting her cry for 10 minutes to fall asleep (not desperate screaming, but still crying i could hear a room away through two shut doors







: )

so as others have said, it's sometimes the case that it's the *parents* who are sleeping through the night, and not the babies. sure, some babies really do and yes we all wish we had one of those babies







- but just be assured that many of those people don't, they are just parenting *very* differently from you.


----------



## BeanyMama (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mothragirl* 
i would miss alice if i didn't interact with her for 12 hours a day, that is half the day. we're too attached to her









word. even the thought of my 3 y.o not sleeping curled up against my back makes me sad. loveliness...


----------



## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *St. Margaret* 







It's a wonderful fantasy, isn't it? With a horrible truth underneath it. Kudos for you for following your instincts and finding MDC to support you! Your baby must be so lucky to have you









Why would there be a horrible truth underneath it? I never did "sleep training", never let my daughter cry it out, anything like that, and she slept thru the night, for like 10-12 hours most nights form 3-8 months. What, you think I should have been waking her up every couple hours??

When she started pulling up, crawling aournd, all that stuff, and was less dependant on me & busier playing on her own & exploring during the day, she started waking up at night more often. And I get up with her whenever she needs it.

Not every baby needs attention during the night, or every night.

I just think it it SO wrong to assume a parent must let their child CIO or sleep train or something just because their kids happen to be good sleepers. (and the parents whose 6 month olds sleep thru the night should enjoy it while it lasts!)


----------



## Barb36 (Mar 19, 2006)

This thread has really triggered some sensitive nerves here, understandably. In my experience, most babies seem to wake at night. Not all, I'm sure, but I think that most do. Those of you with "good" sleepers are so lucky!! I am envious!

I think what a lot of the posts here are referring to when they talk about the down side of sleeping through the night are those situations where extreme sleep training measures have been taken.

I don't think anyone in their right mind would imply there is something wrong with a baby who simply sleeps through the night naturally....most of us would pay a good bit of cash for that. I think the theme of this particular discussion is more geared toward those who have forced sleeping through the night with CIO methods.


----------



## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

my mother is always hounding my for not CIO and while i was pregnant i was planning on doing so but after my dd was born i hate to not be with her does anyone have advice on explaning to my mother why i cosleep because it just feels right to me and she wants a better explination


----------



## Barb36 (Mar 19, 2006)

First of all, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. But if your mother is pushing it, you can just tell her that you don't mind the night wakings and you feel much more comfortable this way. She is going to have her opinions and I doubt you can change her mind about this.

Can you just not talk about the nighttime arrangements with her? I would try to stay away from the subject and see if it drops out of your conversations.


----------



## Susuhound (Jul 5, 2006)

DH's cousin told how wonderful her dd was, sleeping thru from about 5 minutes of age. When we stayed there we found she slept thru, except for when she woke and cried herself back to sleep several times in the night!!!
I felt so sorry for the poor little thing ):


----------



## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *treqi* 
does anyone have advice on explaning to my mother why i cosleep because it just feels right to me and she wants a better explination

I think sometimes "it just feels right to me" is the best explanation there is. There have been a couple issues for me where I have explained to family that I feel it's important to trust my instincts as a mother and those instincts tell me to do (whatever) so that's what I need to do. Really, anyone who argues with that is just being rude and disrespectful.


----------



## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelcat* 
Why would there be a horrible truth underneath it? I never did "sleep training", never let my daughter cry it out, anything like that, and she slept thru the night, for like 10-12 hours most nights form 3-8 months. What, you think I should have been waking her up every couple hours??

When she started pulling up, crawling aournd, all that stuff, and was less dependant on me & busier playing on her own & exploring during the day, she started waking up at night more often. And I get up with her whenever she needs it.

Not every baby needs attention during the night, or every night.

I just think it it SO wrong to assume a parent must let their child CIO or sleep train or something just because their kids happen to be good sleepers. (and the parents whose 6 month olds sleep thru the night should enjoy it while it lasts!)

I am with you on this one. My two older children, both BF, slept through the night, at least 6-8 hrs by age 3 mos. They were in a bassinet, but right by me. No CIO, nothing. They put themselves on a feeding "schedule", not me. Of course it wasn't set in stone, and deviations occurred.

Number 3 was FF (medical issues, long story) and he also was sleeping those amount of hours by age 4 mos.

****Just want to clarify that I am not criticizing or commenting on anyone's life in particular on this board. I am fully aware that all children are different and have different needs.****


----------



## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

Our DD slept for ~7 hours in her crib next to our bed (1 am - 8 am after cluster feeding from 10 pm) very early on (2 months or so). But she stopped around the time we traveled to Europe/went to daycare/?? at 5 months. We don't know what was the exact reason. But now at 16 months she sleeps in our bed and wakes about 2-3 times each night to nurse. Think she just needs it. I am a bit scary of having the second one though (due 8/07), we'll see.

Carma


----------



## NC EcoMaMa (Jun 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Taryn237* 
I will agree that I am jealous of my friends who "have all night sleepers." But DH was over one of their houses when our friend was putting DC to bed. He said the dad just put her in her crib, covered her with a blanket, and left her whimpering. I could *never* do that! The poor kid! Even in my sleep deprivation I know I'm doing something right since everyone I know says I have the happiest baby ever. Now if only he would stop nursing 10 times a night. LOL.

Not only can I not do it, I wont stay somewhere that they do it. It causes Ronnie stress to hear a child cry like that and I wont expose him to that.

Too me it is like being friends with someone who treats their spouse poorly. They may be as nice as they want to me, but if that is how they treat another human being, then I don't want to know them.

Jo


----------



## lurve (May 5, 2006)

I find this thread interesting because my mom just told me that when my baby is three months old s/he would be sleeping through the night, like I supposedly did. But my recollection is a bit different. I know at three months old my crib was placed in the kitchen (hmmphh!). I also remember that when I learned how to walk, I would try to get into my parents bedroom so I could share the bed with them. But they always locked the door so I couldn't enter. So yeah, I was a good sleeper according to my mom. But it was also later discovered that I had night terrors that I couldn't get comfort for as my parents locked me out of their bedroom. So I guess all this is just to say, everyone's reality is different!


----------



## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momuveight2B* 
When my youngest was on an apnea monitor I used to wake up just before the alarm would go off. The doctor never believed I could respond like that but I did.

I'm alive today because my mother was so intune to me and her own feelings. I had what would probably be diagnosed as apnea today when I was a baby. Mom always caught it when I stopped breathing, and I had to be rushed to the hospital to be resusitated (3 times I think). She said she always "knew." Poor woman didn't sleep for a year! I'm thankful every day that she was such an "attached" mom, plus, we never caught flack from her about CIO or cosleeping! She knew what the consequences could be.

And in saying that - with the tone of this thread I should add - I do think everyone should sleep where they get the best sleep. I don't think that crib sleeping equates bad parenting. We've coslept with all of our children from #1 who was a horrible sleeper to #4 who sleeps through the night a lot (and he's only four months old). So, yes, some babies are just good sleepers! And trust me - I ENJOY it! I actually tell people that's WHY I cosleep - because I like to sleep too much!







Even with the bad sleeper I got more sleep having her in bed with me! CIO was never an option. I remember once when I was absolutely exhausted and she was just crying and crying - I was so frustrated. I put her in her crib because I just needed five minutes for my nerves to calm down. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep - I woke up a couple of hours later and she was asleep. I ran to her and picked her up and cried forever - I felt so incredibly awful. Her attitude was different with me for a few days after that, too. Talk about guilt.







:


----------



## jennybean0722 (Jun 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Taryn237* 
Even in my sleep deprivation I know I'm doing something right since everyone I know says I have the happiest baby ever. Now if only he would stop nursing 10 times a night. LOL.

SO TRUE!!! Everyone says we have the happiest baby ever, that he's very alert, responsive, etc. I truly believe it is because his needs are met at night. Lack of sleep sometimes kills me, where I'll have one bad night and want to just throw in the towel....but then the next day I 'wake up' to this beautiful human being with a huge smile on his face. He seems to say, "Thank you momma for being there for me, I love you so much."


----------



## bugs (Jan 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stik* 
I havew to agree with Momtwice. Some babies do sleep through the night on their own with no trauma to anyone. IME, a disproportionate number of babies described on the web fall into this category. It could be because well-rested moms have the most time to post. Some of those moms are definitely lying through their teeth, though.

And the web being what it is, at least a few of those lying moms are probably 40-year-old childless men with weird issues.

You said it, sister!


----------



## citymama (May 30, 2006)

What most people don't realize is that sleep training using CIO or Ferber is not a one-time magic pill. Every time there is an interruption to the child's routine due to travel, illness, teething or whatever, they have to do it all over again. Believe me, I know people who have done this and continue to do it with their 2-year-olds. And eventually, even if you never change the routine, the child grows and develops and eventually there will be "problems" (in quotes, because I think it is the parents problem, not the child) with their sleep. I've seen this too many times to count! I know a family who did the whole full-on CIO at 4 months or so, and when their kid was 2, he went througha phase when he wasn't sleeping AT ALL. It was a nightmare to get him down to sleep and to get him to sleep through. It takes much more patience and fortitude and TIME (as in years) to nurture healthy sleep associations and to allow the child to mature to the point where they can sleep on their own.


----------



## kdlizmama (Sep 1, 2006)

Maybe to offer a little light at the end of the sleep deprivation tunnel, my DS was an all night nurser and we coslept for a long time, in fact he is 3 and just started sleeping in his own bed. I was jealous of the friends and family who had great sleepers too, but I would not change a thing. I never used CIO despite a lot of pressure from family and warnings that he would never "learn" to sleep if I always slept with him and nursed him at night. But at three, he is happily sleeping in his own bed, usually all night. I'm not sure if he was just ready because of age, but it was obvoius that he was ready. I think he has never had any reason to be afraid of sleep and he knows that we are still there at night if he needs us. There was a time when I thought I would never sleep a full night again, but that time truly went by so fast. I would not have missed all that snuggly time for anything.


----------



## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyNY* 







:

There isn't always a "cost" for babies sleeping through the night. Sometimes they just sleep better in a crib. It works for us, no CIO, and no seizures so far.


I haven't read all the replies yet, but I had to respond. The OP stated that she left the board because they were sleep training. Isn't that what we're talking about?? There really is no need to be defensive. We should be able to have a discussion about how we know we are doing the right thing, but it's hard when it seems like the whole world is telling you to ignore your instincts.

Please, no one was attacking cribsleepers, we are talking about people IGNORING their babies cries.


----------



## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

One of my oldest friends had a baby one month after me. At two months, she could swaddle and nurse her dd, and she would sleep naturally for seven hours. I was like, "um, I have to get off the phone with you now". My baby was never a good sleeper. As a toddler, he is now.

I can't help but wonder, the people that ignore their babies, what are they going to do when they have a toddler in a bed that can climb in and out at will? And come find them in the middle of the night.

The thing about CIO is, it's like sending a message: I'm here for ya during the day kid, but after the sun goes down, you're on your own. How bizarre.


----------



## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momtwice* 
A couple of points:

1) My kids always slept MORE soundly while cosleeping. (But still woke at ages one would expect to nurse often, etc.)

2)some people are feeling hurt on this thread by the OP saying she'd know the "cost" of having her child sleep through the night. I feel she was saying that she knows HER child is not capable of it at this time. I feel she was saying she understood the temptation to do CIO but is not going to do CIO because that isn't right for her.

I do not feel she was judging those fortunate enough to have a long-sleeping child.

If your child sleeps long stretches, that's different from claiming falsely that they do because of (message board or real life) peer pressure...so enjoy!


I think this is true and to the point.

Just a quick story on my side of the bed! With my first, we co-slept until he was 1...and then we caved to pressure and let him cio. It was the most horrible thing in the world, and I regret it everytime I think about it. It didn't make him a better sleeper at all. I truly wish I had been stronger and held firm in my instincts. I was younger and unsure as a mom. I am so ashamed of myself for that.









By the time I had ds2, I was well versed and a much stronger person, thanks to experiences with ds1 and reading Mothering. He slept coslept with us, then at 4 months of age...he kicked us out of our bed! No joke, he wanted to sleep in our bed, and would actually kick and yell until we left. I was only allowed back in when he wanted to nurse, he'd nurse quick, kick till I went back to the mattress on the floor, and happily go back to sleep. He happily went into his brothers room at 18 months. Probably would have gone sooner if I'd let him.









Ds3 is 3 and is still happily in our bed, going first to sleep in his toddler bed in the room with my other ds1+2, and then wondering into our room when he wakes up and sleeping the rest of the night with us.

I still wonder what ds1 would have done left to his own rescources, but the point being all kids are different. I think if you are responding to your baby when they need you, you are doing what is right. And some babies do sleep through the night, all by themselves. But for myself...I still get up a few times a night, and sneak into my boys room to check on them! I'm the light sleeper of the whole bunch.









One of my sister did not breastfeed or co-sleep and bragged to my grandparents how her dd slept through the night. Yet everytime I was on the phone with her when her dd was supposed to be going to bed, I heard the poor baby crying...and then they'd just close the door. Broke my heart. And I found out they let the poor thing cry during the night as well. This is not sleeping through the night. This is mom and dad not getting up at night to answers their babies needs. Very different to a baby who does sleep throughout the night without needing anything.


----------



## sweedma (Jul 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
I can't help but wonder, the people that ignore their babies, what are they going to do when they have a toddler in a bed that can climb in and out at will? And come find them in the middle of the night.

Well, I know parents who lock their bedroom doors at night to keep wandering toddlers out! It just seems very foreign to me.


----------



## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *race_kelly* 
And I found out they let the poor thing cry during the night as well. This is not sleeping through the night. This is mom and dad not getting up at night to answers their babies needs. Very different to a baby who does sleep throughout the night without needing anything.









:


----------



## Dido (Jan 7, 2006)

I think that needs that are denied at one stage (i.e. by CIOing) will reappear in distorted form or simply re-emerge later on. I'm on a mainstream list where everyone swears by Weissbluth or his ilk, but the numbers of screaming, night-terroring, refusing-to-go-to-bed, etc, 3 year olds and 4 year olds is astonishing. The story is always the same: "I sleep-trained my baby when s/he was 3/6/8 months old and she was always been a great sleeper until last month when she started waking up screaming/crawling into my bed/refusing to go to bed/etc. When this happened before we always just referberized her but this does not work anymore."

I'd rather respond to my baby now than deal with a depressed preschooler later on.

ETA: Oh, but yeah, I do think some babies sleep thru, not everyone is lying, and YES I do get a little jealous even tho I know that what I'm doing is right.


----------



## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

you are being a great mom just by what you are doing now















well i do get good sleep but that is because i have always co-slept with my dd 4.5 she starts in her own bed now and my ds 3m my dd comes in to my bed in the night so yes i do get good sleep but that is because when my dc wakes they dont even have to cry my ds just worms his way till he can hit me and hit me till i wake if i dont then he starts to fuss then cry so i am usually by the hit i am up on auto and put breast in mouth and i fall back 2 sleep i cant say how many time he wakes and he has woke up and been babbling away happily but yes they have woke and wanted to stay up i would never want to force my child to sleep or even stay alone all night many many nights i cant sleep or wake up and cant go back to sleep so i get up how can it be forced on a baby i feel sorry for the baby/child that has to grow up there i love the closeness i have with my 2 wouldnt change it for anything not even for a full nights sleep the price is to high for me would rather happy kids and no matter how tired you are when they smile and are happy it is worth it


----------



## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrklynMama* 
I'd rather respond to my baby now than deal with a depressed preschooler later on.

I am not convinced that these two are related. I know lots of parents from all parts of the spectrum and from what I have seen, not wanting to go to bed when you are 2.5 to 4 years old (and even beyond) is pretty normal. Why would you want to go to bed when you know that mom and dad (and possibly older siblings) are going to be staying up and having all the fun?


----------



## Acugirl (Jan 1, 2003)

JUst wanted to chime in on the depressed/night terroring, scared to sleep preschooler....
my dd who is now 4 coslept until she was 2 1/2 when we gradually and gently nightweaned and transferred her to her own room. She has been responded to immediately for EVERY SINGLE nightwaking for her whole life.
Now, she is 4, still in her own bed and suddenly having huge fits before bed. She does not want to cosleep anymore. She is just scared. I think it is the age. Cosleeping is great. But, it is not a magic cureall for all normal childhood problems. Really.


----------



## Dido (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmlp* 
I am not convinced that these two are related. I know lots of parents from all parts of the spectrum and from what I have seen, not wanting to go to bed when you are 2.5 to 4 years old (and even beyond) is pretty normal. Why would you want to go to bed when you know that mom and dad (and possibly older siblings) are going to be staying up and having all the fun?

Good point. Maybe I am too optimistic about co-sleeping. But, sometimes you need a little rose-colored spectacles to get you thru the night!


----------



## Brenda2005 (Mar 10, 2005)

You know, my ds sleeps in our bed and is up every 1-2 hours to nurse..but in the rare times we put him in his crib (I'd say around once a month when dh and I go out on a date) he sleeps through the night! Even with that, I can't imagine not sleeping with my little man. I love having him next to me. Now that I work outside the home we use this time to catch up on our bf'ing and be close. I'd rather have that than sleep through the night


----------



## noah's mom (Jan 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
I can't help but wonder, the people that ignore their babies, what are they going to do when they have a toddler in a bed that can climb in and out at will? And come find them in the middle of the night.

Not to hijack, but my girlfriend recently went through this w/her CIO'ed 20mo. A couple of months ago, when her DS started climbing out of his crib in the middle of the night, she went out and bought one of those "crib tents" and installed it on the crib. So basically, she still gets to enjoy her full night's sleep while her DS is stuck in "prison."

Interestingly enough, my DS never tries to get out of bed when he wakes at night (although he certainly knows how, he gets up and says "up Mommy" in the AM when we wake up, and won't leave the room unless I get up w/him, lol!) - even if DH and I haven't gone to bed yet. It's as if he knows s.o. is going to come to him when he wakes, so he doesn't need to get up.


----------



## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

It sounds so foreign to me. I would rather be sleep deprived now than to train myself that my son doesn't need me.

I'm not jealous. Snuggles and Cuddles...TOTALLY worth it









*hugs* mama. It's hard to be different sometime


----------

