# The Dads job



## garysimpson (Sep 26, 2016)

As the father I obviously want to be as supportive as possible during the birth, though I'm feeling nervous as and totally clueless about what I should be doing to help at all. Any advice?


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## Saladd (Apr 9, 2016)

Have you and your SO taken any birthing classes? We are going through them now and they talk a lot about what dads should be doing and how he can support the birthing process.


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*dads*

Like you said, be supportive, hold her hand, advocate for her, make sure she stays hydrated, make sure she gets food when she's hungry, listen to medical staff (if she has to have surgery she's going to need a lot help and support), bring a camera to take a nice mom and baby pic after if possible. The hospital we were at required the baby go home in a car seat, so you could help by looking into that as well. If she is breastfeeding you can help out immensely by keeping food, meals available, holding baby/napping with baby, keeping on top of basic household chores. I've heard moms with caesareans have trouble bending and lifting, she may have trouble getting dressed, getting shoes on, carrying the baby. Help with birth announcements, help with visitors, help with doctors visits. Depending on how smoothly the birth goes, she could be exhausted and ill for a very long time after (months) or be back to her fairly normal self in a couple of days.


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## Claudia Chapman (Aug 9, 2012)

There is only one thing you have to do. Be present. Just being there is enough to make it easier for her.

When I delivered all my husband did was look in my eyes during contractions while I held on to his thumbs. (Like we were completing an electrical circuit.) His presence grounded me.

Don't worry about "doing" things. Don't distract yourself from being present by thinking you need to be busy in some way.


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*Depends on your experience*

For me, I had to go in as an emergency delivery, so it was helpful to have someone supporting and advocating for me, I honestly was not able to just look into someone else's eyes, I was trying to not have a caesarean and also not start seizuring simultaneously, they froze me from ribs to toes just in case of emergency surgery which was a real possibility for me. For a good part of the birth my eyes were closed so I could stay calm and not feel overwhelmed by the 20 odd staff members around my bed. I could not move after the birth of my baby to do anything, and they had me connected to numerous iv drips and a catheter without clothes, so I was pretty much tied to bed. I would not haven seen my baby if my husband hadn't forced them to slow down so I could see him. The NICU were so kind as to take polaroid of my baby but that was the only "birth" pic of him, and if he'd died the only picture. Everyone's experiences are going to be different.


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## Claudia Chapman (Aug 9, 2012)

Clearly a dad should be prepared beforehand to be alert to what's going on and advocate for his partner if the birth becomes complicated. 

When things are going as anticipated I believe the best thing a dad can do is be really present for his partner. Not to stereotype, but men sometimes feel like they need to be actively performing a task or solving a problem in order to feel useful. What I'm suggesting is that just being there with your partner sharing the experience is often the best way to help her. I'd like Gary, who is clearly concerned and wants to do all he can to help his partner, to know that simply being with her just may be "enough."


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## garysimpson (Sep 26, 2016)

Thanks everyone... I really appreciate all the advice!


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## garysimpson (Sep 26, 2016)

Have you and your SO taken any birthing classes? [/QUOTE]

Good shout there... me and my wife were thinking about them anyway but think we're gonna seriously consider going now, thanks!


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## garysimpson (Sep 26, 2016)

We've been looking into car seats, didn't realise that was something a hospital might require for us to have right then and there... do you think this one: http://www.prams.net/recaro-privia-car-seat is going to be suitable for a new born? Thanks in advance


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*car seats*

Here, any new brand name carseat is going to have to pass safety testing, I think seats expire after about 7 years? Anyway, here it has to be rear facing (I think) for infants. Just have a look at how it compares to others as regards padding, support, difficulty of using the restraints, how it anchors into the car etc. There should be reviews online. If you are car drivers, it's going to get a lot of use. We did not own a car, and do not drive, I don't remember if we borrowed one as we certainly did not need one. For preemies esp. they want to see the baby is "transportable" (due to weak neck muscles which can cause an airway collapse in a seated position) and that you have the capability of looking after the baby. For regular babies I suspect it's less intrusive, just getting the baby into the seat should be OK. I would definitely have taken prenatal classes if I could have, they were offered by my midwife group. Your doctor should be able to help you.


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## garysimpson (Sep 26, 2016)

Okay thanks for all the help, again, it's really appreciated!


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