# help



## leobabe (Dec 29, 2007)

i'm having such a bad day.
i feel like i can't go on.


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)




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## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

do you want to talk about it


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## somanyjoys (Mar 14, 2006)

Oh, Leobabe. Is there anyone you can call? Are you alone?


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## MamabearTo4 (May 31, 2006)

I'm so sorry, leobabe. Truly. If you're in the mood to share more, we'd love to listen.


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## leobabe (Dec 29, 2007)

i don't want to get out of bed.
when i try to eat i cry.
i don't feel like living.
i want to be free of this pain.
i feel that life is unfair.
i have a very spirited son, who has minor disabilties, and is acting out right now so innappropriately. his behaviour is triggoring me to get depressed.
i don't know if he is acting out because of what has been going on.
i don't feel like a very strong person right now, and i wish forsome peace.
i'm bleeding alot, my cramps are exhausting.
i just cannot find anything positive today, and i feel very angry and lost.


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## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

You are a strong person, and you will get through this.

do you have anyone to help you?

wishing you peace and light


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## Amydoula (Jun 20, 2004)

Please find someone to help you through this. You can get postpartum depression after a miscarriage the same as a regular delivery. I had it very badly after the birth of my son and all my healthcare providers have been watching me closely these few weeks as it can occur now after my m/c as well.


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## ScootchsMom (Feb 12, 2007)

I'm sorry you are feeling this badly. I'm in the middle of this sucky nightmare myself, with a wild toddler as well, and its not easy. This morning was particularly bad, this afternoon is a bit better. If you want to PM me, please do and we can talk about how crappy this is.

Liz


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## leobabe (Dec 29, 2007)

thank you everyone.

i think it's just too much today. perhaps i do have some ppd. i'm surely not normal today.

over the week i was holding things in perspective.

now i keep thinking, i am not trying again. i'm 39 and the chances of having another miscarriage are so much higher. also, i hate the first trimester, so when i was getting closer to 12 weeks, i kept on thinking, thank goodness, i will never have to go through this again.

my baby hope is gone. my best friend is due in august and she is so sweet and phoning me with full discretion and sensitivity, but i could hear her 5 year old come up to her and say "mommy, i'm making a present for the baby in your belly." she tried to shush him, but it hurt soo bad to hear that, and know that my son will never have a sibling, and experience the joy and excitement my friends son is experiencing.


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## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

the feelings build up to over flowing for me too.


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## somanyjoys (Mar 14, 2006)

I am so sorry today is rough for you. Someone told me grief comes in waves, and I have found that very true. I know when I've been having a hard time with my 2.5 year old, I think, that's why this baby died. I couldn't have handled both. I know it's not true, but I know we have those thoughts. As for your age, I am 35 and have worried the same. I polled the moms on the large AP parenting board in my town that I'm a part of and found many had their first at 38, 39 and had others in their early 40s. It made me feel more hopeful.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

If you want to talk, feel free to pm me.

Leobabe, you can definitely try again if you want. I'm sending some good vibes







: your way.


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Grief does come in waves and our other children can push us over the edge. I have two sons with Autism. After our loss in October, I felt so overwhelmed with my grief and dealing with them. I had to ask for help. I talked to other women who have been through a loss and it did help. This board also helped me a lot. Whenever I had a really tough day, I would journal about it or come here.

I also contacted a local grief group and they sent me a lot of information on miscarriage and how to deal with your feelings. That helped a lot too. Just knowing that there were other people in my situation helped so much. We are all here for you, to listen, to cry, to laugh, to share.

Best wishes mama. In the beginning, I think that we feel so defeated, we decide with our head, not to TTC again. After some time, your heart may lead you somewhere else.

Don't give up hope!

Jen


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## MamabearTo4 (May 31, 2006)

Leo, I was thinking of you last night, but unable to get to a computer. I hope you are able to find peace. This is so hard, I know. Unexpected and inexplicable...









How are you this morning, mama?


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## apmama2myboo (Mar 30, 2005)

i am so sorry. please don't feel alone. You are right that life isn't fair. it sucks pretty bad sometimes. but you are stronger than you think, much stronger. Please take care of yourself.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

mama. Hoping for healing for you.


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## DreamWeaver (May 28, 2002)

It can be really tough. And as some have said, grief hits you in waves. Can you find a local support group? The local hospital may have something...
You were right to post and reach out. Ironically, sometimes the people who understand are those online! Please do not feel you are alone...
Sending you hope and light...


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## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

thinking of you this morning


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## leobabe (Dec 29, 2007)

well, now i've got the flu. sore throat, nausea, general heat and chills. ugh.








if i don't feel better by this evening, i will have to take yet another day off work.
i'm afraid they are going to think i'm the worst employee ever.
emotionally i am feeling better, and i thank all of you for your support. i really, really got through that day by checking in and breathing while reading your messages.
thank you so much.


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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

I'm sorry your sick now. I just wanted to add that I think we need to go through all of these feelings. I have kind of related it to my DH like this, when my dd had open heart surgery this summer, it was soooo hard to see her go through that, and I would have given anything to trade places with her and be the one wheeled in the OR. And after a miscarriage I feel kind of the same way, this was my child, my child died and a part of me feels like its dying too, or that I would trade places with him/her, I just wanted this baby to live. And I think its healthy to take this time and go through all of these emotions.


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## somanyjoys (Mar 14, 2006)

Oh, Mary, I'm crying here! What true thoughts.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaryLang* 
I'm sorry your sick now. I just wanted to add that I think we need to go through all of these feelings. I have kind of related it to my DH like this, when my dd had open heart surgery this summer, it was soooo hard to see her go through that, and I would have given anything to trade places with her and be the one wheeled in the OR. And after a miscarriage I feel kind of the same way, this was my child, my child died and a part of me feels like its dying too, or that I would trade places with him/her, I just wanted this baby to live. And I think its healthy to take this time and go through all of these emotions.


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