# Would you make your dd wear a bra?



## Lemonade (Apr 14, 2007)

My 11.5 y.o. dd has been "budding" for several months but still has no interest in wearing a bra. As you would imagine, her pointy "buds" are becoming more and more noticeable in more and more of her tops.

I've asked her several times if she wants to go bra shopping. She has refused every time. I finally bought her a few bras on my own a few weeks ago. She wore one to school once but now won't wear them at all. She has complained that the bras are hot, itchy, and show through her shirts. The straps bother her. And of course she maintains that bras are "stupid"







and that she doesn't really need one.

She has those little cami undershirts, which she prefers to bras, but she doesn't like wearing those either. And, to be honest, the camis help a little, but she still sometimes looks "pointy."

I've been trying to take things at her pace, to let her decide if and when she's ready wear a bra, but I feel embarrassed for her. WWYD?


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## Mothra (Jun 4, 2002)

YOU cannot feel embarrassment for her. You're embarrassed for yourself. It's impossible to feel embarrassment for another person.

I'd let her make the decision herself. Bras are hot and itchy, and the straps hurt. I don't wear one every day, and until I had kids I rarely wore one at all. No one died as a result. It's her body. She sounds comfortable in her own skin, which is becoming increasingly rare among young women. Let her be comfortable in her own body, and deal with your discomfort yourself. Don't make it about her.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

while I would let her make her own decision, make sure you are aware of the schools dress code, so that she doesnt have an embarassing run in with a teacher or principal or a letter home to you. Some schools have policys that include some sort of undergarment to cover "buds" and breasts, even if its just a cami.


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Dress codes? There's no such thing as a dress code (that I've ever heard of) that prohibits breast buds. WTH is that?







:
As long as she's not literally SHOWING them, any "embarassing" run in that any female relative or friend of mine would encounter would result in an equally embarassing (for that teacher) encounter with a school administrator.

Please don't make her and don't push the issue. You'll only make her ashamed, resentful and/or self conscious.

Kelly


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## Jennyfur (Jan 30, 2007)

I would definitely make her wear something that eliminates the "pointiness," but that something wouldn't have to be a bra. I had the same concern when my DD was 11, and she didn't like the way bras felt.

She's 13 now, and she still doesn't like bras. I asked again recently if she wanted to get some, and she said she didn't.

She wears either sports bras (Jockey makes a ton of different kinds, with different thicknesses, colors, and styles) or cami tanks with a "bra shelf" and spaghetti straps (she has them in white and black).

She plays sports and likes to be comfortable, and I don't care what style she chooses. I would not be okay with her not covering up, because whether or not she thought it was fine, I would not want teen boys scoping her out (that happens enough already!).

Sometimes you have to step in with your kids to help guide them through stages where they're unfamiliar with what to do next. I had to teach my kids how to treat their acne, shave, use deodorant, etc. and it's a positive thing for their social acclimation (this is esp. important for my DS 13, who has some social skills issues).

Here are some cute camis:
http://www.jockey.com/en-US/Catalog/...Camis&List=114

And a sport top:
http://www.jockey.com/en-US/Catalog/...Women&List=101

Good luck!


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennyfur* 
I would definitely make her wear something that eliminates the "pointiness," but that something wouldn't have to be a bra. I had the same concern when my DD was 11, and she didn't like the way bras felt.

She's 13 now, and she still doesn't like bras. I asked again recently if she wanted to get some, and she said she didn't.

Good luck!

Helping guide your child is different than forcing them to do something.

And how exactly do you _force_ a teen or preteen to wear a cami or tank top, etc that she doesn't want to wear? I'm honestly curious.

Kelly


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

The American obsession with breasts and nipples makes me







:

By making her think she needs to cover herself what exactly are you telling her?


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

I can't imagine ever making my dd wear a bra. I don't wear one all the time, and if she's comfortable enough in her own body not to want one, I'd be happy for her.


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

She doesn't need the support of a bra. I would not make her wear one.

If SHE is self-conscious about the pointiness, but dislikes wearing another layer or a bra, she might try medical tape or band-aids. I would not suggest that to her unless SHE brings it up.

Really, I don't see a problem with being "pointy". We don't make our male children wear special undergarments that flatten out their developing areas - why should we do that to our female children?


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## sevenkids (Dec 16, 2002)

I was just the opposite; my 11 y/o was bugging me about getting bras even though she was barely budding at all. I resisted for a while but she wanted bras because all her friends were wearing them and kept telling her she needed to wear them. I bought her 4 before school, she wore them for a week, declared them too hot and itchy, and won't wear them anymore.









I refused to wear bras until I was nursing my first DD at 16 and I needed something to tuck breastpads in!








If I wear a bra, the minute I'm in my car on the way home I take it off. 25 y/o wasn't a big bra fan until she had her daughter, and my 16 y/o wears them only because she likes pretty bras and panties. But I wouldn't force them to wear them, nor would I force them to _not_ wear them. They're going to be pressured enough to conform anyway, and if they feel confident enough to not wear bras, more power to 'em.


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## mazajo (Nov 3, 2004)

I don't know how you could 'force' her to wear one either, but I'd really try. I agree with the social acclimation point made above- in some societies it wouldn't matter, but in our unfortunately it does. I'd be worried about comments classmates would likely make her self-conscious more than my pushing the bra issue. The sports bras would definately be more comfortable and she could take them off as soon as she comes home.


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

As the mama of a girl who "budded" on the early side, I'll play devil's advocate and say that yes, I would encourage her to wear a bra. The pointy buds definitely attract attention and my DD is on the shy side. IMO, I was HELPING her by encouraging her to wear a bra.

And yes, our school has a dress code that prohibits provocative dress. Maybe the general obsession with nipples and breasts is wrong, but the obvious display of such is considered provocative by many schools. They enforce this code to protect kids like my DD from embarassment and the unfortunate situations that do arise. Boys can be real disrespectful jerks at that age. Even the other girls can be unbelievably cruel.

And what about gym class? In our school kids start changing for gym in fifth grade. I was extremely self conscious in the locker room, I wouldn't have dreamed of being seen braless.

My DD started with sports bras, then found that she liked microfiber. We shopped around, tried different bras, and discarded a few along the way. Now she's 14 and seems to prefer a 100% cotton bra that looks like the top of a cami.

I never had to 'force' her to wear one. She was resistant at first, so we discussed the pros and cons of wearing a bra and then went bra shopping. The rule was, always wear a bra for school and for sports, but at home she didn't have to. Eventually she came to the point where she wore it all the time and wasn't bothered by it.


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## 10newtons (May 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spero* 
As the mama of a girl who "budded" on the early side, I'll play devil's advocate and say that yes, I would encourage her to wear a bra. The pointy buds definitely attract attention and my DD is on the shy side. IMO, I was HELPING her by encouraging her to wear a bra.

And yes, our school has a dress code that prohibits provocative dress. Maybe the general obsession with nipples and breasts is wrong, but the obvious display of such is considered provocative by many schools. They enforce this code to protect kids like my DD from embarassment and the unfortunate situations that do arise. Boys can be real disrespectful jerks at that age. Even the other girls can be unbelievably cruel.

And what about gym class? In our school kids start changing for gym in fifth grade. I was extremely self conscious in the locker room, I wouldn't have dreamed of being seen braless.

My DD started with sports bras, then found that she liked microfiber. We shopped around, tried different bras, and discarded a few along the way. Now she's 14 and seems to prefer a 100% cotton bra that looks like the top of a cami.

I never had to 'force' her to wear one. She was resistant at first, so we discussed the pros and cons of wearing a bra and then went bra shopping. The rule was, always wear a bra for school and for sports, but at home she didn't have to. Eventually she came to the point where she wore it all the time and wasn't bothered by it.


Well said!!


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## kluella (Jan 10, 2007)

I developed early, and resisted wearing training bras because it's true, most of them are hot and itchy. My mom got me those Jockey sports-type bras and they were a lot more comfortable. They made me a lot less self-conscious, to have an extra layer. Maybe go shopping for something unrelated and while you're at the store, make your way to the bra/underwear section. I would encourage her, and try to take her shopping with you instead of just 'here I bought this now wear it."Give her some ownership in the experience.


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## mrs_mandolini (Feb 23, 2007)

I thought I would DIE of embarassment before going bra shopping with my mom. She wisely got some bras in a variety of types and just left them on top of the dryer. When I was ready, I started wearing them. She had bugged me to go shopping with her but I WOULD NOT. (I was at that "everything my mom does is SO EMBARASSING" age.)

I second the "comfortable" suggestion. As someone else said, training bras can be way way uncomfortable.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Also, I'm sure you smart mamas know this, but I'll say it to state the obvious.

Make them pretty!

I did NOT want to wear a bra (and let's not joke - I needed it). I resisted mostly because the bras my mother wore were FUGLY and she was very "make sure it's practical!" This had a lot to do with her issues, but







: It can happen to all of us.

Take her to JC Penney's or Limited Too or some place with FUN bras. Please, please don't pressure her to buy something practical. If nothing else, she may wear them to show them off to her friends







:.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

no - bras are hot and uncomfortable. i only wear one to work because I'm "supposed" to. I didn't even wear one the whole time I was in the army. I wore 2 T-shirts instead. It was much more comfortable.

I really do think bras are stupid and I certainly don't need one for support. Have you seen the website www.007b.com? It might make you re-think the necessity of a bra.


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

I'm a 38DD. Life without a bra would be incredibly painful (not to mention, my boobs would be hanging at my waist which is not an attractive look for me).


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## menudo (May 21, 2002)

I am the opposite. I made sure my DD knew bras were not necessary but she is welcome to wear one if she chose (she did). I explained it is commonplace and I wear it by choice but In recent years I donot always wear one.

She got a bunch at kmart (cute) and wears them when she wants. If something really accentuates them I ask her if she feels more comfy with the bra on. Her choice, no shame or forcefulness. And let a school talk to her or write a note, they will endure the wrath of menudo mom!

BTW, she loves her new body and changes.







No shame there!


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## littlemomma (Aug 7, 2002)

I hated it when I got breasts and the last thing I wanted was to acknowledge them. I was the first one of my friends and I DENIED it. Anyway, my point is that I would definitly NOT get involved in the bra thing with her. You bought her some. She knows where they are. She will wear them if she wants too. And if she does, be careful not to make a big deal out of it. I might not even mention it at all- I know that is what I would have wanted as a girl.

I think it would be a good idea also, to educate her in a real loving, hey we're women isn't that awesome kinda way, about breasts. Talk about how they make milk and the *function* of them. Talk about how breasts are viewed in other countries (topless and no big deal, etc). I'm sure the hang-up with the bras and the breasts for me was that I felt like by having breasts, I was becoming "sexual" and that is not something I was comfortable with at 9.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *menudo* 
And let a school talk to her or write a note, they will endure the wrath of menudo mom!


OMG, I would be livid if a school (or anywhere else) tried to force my child to wear a bra. I would march my braless self down there so fast . . .


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

No, I wouldn't.

A bra isn't going to make her buds disappear. If she's uncomfortable (hot, annoyed by the straps, etc.), she's probably going to be even more self-conscious. Wearing a bra is _not_ going to stop cruel comments from other kids. Most of all, I have no interest in telling a girl that since she's developing into a woman, she has to sacrifice her personal comfort for other people's standards.

I never go without a bra. I was about a B or C cup within six months of the first appearance of buds, and going braless has always been very uncomfortable for me. I'd have been pretty frustrated and beyond mortified if someone had tried to talk me out of wearing one, yk?

Oh - and you can't make her, anyway. I had a friend in school whose parents would make her wear shirts that didn't embarrass them...and she got to school and stuffed those shirts in her locker, and wore what she wanted.


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

OK-I don't want to hijak this thread, but if you've made the observation that DD could use something under her shirts, how have you talked to her about it? I looking for an age appropriate way-my DD is 9, and I want to keep it light, and in her control.


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## mamahart (Sep 25, 2007)

I think that at 11.5 our DD's are still children. Unfortunately our culture seems to think that development means sexuality and this is just not the case!! As long as we can keep our children children IMO we should. As long as she is not embarrased and knows she can come to you with any problems I would let her dress as she wishes.
It's interesting because where I have real problems is with young girls dressing like adults. I worry about sexualizing children in this way. So the longer my DD loves her jeans and t-shirts the better.
I am biased tho' and moved into a very rural place in order to avoid, as much as humanly possible, the "culture" we have created here in the U.S. particularly around children.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

I like the pps suggestions of leaving just giving them to dd and letting her know the pros and cons to wearing a bra. There has to be a good balance of recognizing social norms and individual choices that might differ from those norms.

I was one of those moms that tried to put off dd from getting one. She didn't really need one, imo. LOL- silly me. I forgot that my opinion did not matter in this area! She set me right, let me tell you







:


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## attachedmamaof3 (Dec 2, 2006)

Ummmm. No. I don't see what the big deal is.


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## Hera (Feb 4, 2002)

I personally wouldn't push the issue. I wonder if the bra being noticeable is more embarrassing for her then the buds? At any rate, she can layer with a hoodie or sweater or something over her shirt, without it having to be about bras or breasts at all.


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## Electra375 (Oct 2, 2002)

Buds, painful, embarassing, cruel boys -- that is what I remember.
My dad bought me my first bra and put it in a Christmas present.







Geez, thanks mom for being well there for me... NOT.
Anyway, I wore bras and boys teased me horribly, I was also wearing a B cup by age 12, so I guess I just had to deal with a bra.
I do remember being embarrassed to see my bf wearing those big sleeved 80s shirts (the ones over leggings) and being able to see right on through when she raised her hand -- she had buds and under arm hair and she was not wearing a bra, shaving or using deoderant in 6th grade.
My sister wears the sports type, I don't like them, I hate the bands around the bottom -- bravado bra hater here.
Personally, I would think some nice tight tank tops would feel good to wear, but I just remember my buds being very painful.
I would encourage her to wear the tank top/ camis or a bra, especially with thinner shirts. I realize 11 is a hard age, have the talk about which shirts need an under shirt and which don't before she has them on, like while you are helping her put her clothes away or something. Less embarrassment that way for her and for you.


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## <~*MamaRose*~> (Mar 4, 2007)

Even though I have don't ahve a daughter I've been following this thread







.

Anyway, my gf's daughter (16) who has a killer bod and a fair sized chest was spoken to by her gym teacher about her bra choice...her gym teacher told her she should look into buying a sports bra as her breasts needed better support. Needless to say she was MORTIFIED by the conversation.


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## Organicavocado (Mar 15, 2006)

If the issue is simply that bras are hot and itchy and uncomfortable, I totally get that. I didnt go out of my way to wear my first training bras, they WERE itchy and not like the bras I wear now, and I do think you become a little desensitized over time.

Instead, if my booblets were showing through a shirt, my mom would point it out. I wasn't embarrassed, but I would have been if I was walking around in school with my nipples hanging all over in front, and nothing to do about it until I got home.

The solution for me was simply a tighter cotton shirt (babydoll style) under my normal tee shirts and the like. It wasn't uncomfortable, I was covered up (and I do think at this age being pretty concealed is a good idea), and it really was no huge deal. I didn't dislike my breasts, but I was much more comfortable if people weren't staring and pointing etc.. You can do everything you want at home to encourage a girl to be proud of her body, but if other kids arent taught the same.. thats going to make a difference.

ETA: How easy is it to say, "Breasts are wonderful things! You should never be embarrassed of your breasts, but "the rules" (dress code, moral standards, whatever you want to say) say we need to be dressed properly and with having breasts come new clothing options. Would you like to go shopping for a bra with me/by yourself?" (yes, no) and discuss from there. If the issue are that bras show through shirts, get some thicker shirts. If the issue is that bras are itchy, do the cami/tight shirt underneath thing. I was embarrassed to go bra shopping, so my mom just bought me some and stuck them in the drawer. I would wear them sometimes, and got used to them until I could go out with her and pick out my own. I really don't think it has to be a dramatic anti-breast attack, just word it carefully and discuss everything.


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## menudo (May 21, 2002)

Wow, well my DD is 10 1/2 years and as posted above, there is no embarrasment or shame for her. Actually, she loves it. I realize it is odd, but that is my girl. I hope that my openness and comfort with my own body is what has helped her thus far. I also had told her about places where breasts are acceptable in public but not legs, etc. She comments on the ignorance of the "omg, I see nipple" bs she hears from others...


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy* 
Dress codes? There's no such thing as a dress code (that I've ever heard of) that prohibits breast buds. WTH is that?







:

Yes, there certainly are dress codes like that. My school district's dress code (in Texas, so..yeah...) included the statement "Appropriate undergarments shall be worn by all students.", and prohibits "Startling, unusual, tightly fitting, or immodest attire". It's pretty typical for that area of the country, and I can guarantee that the attire you describe would be an issue.







:

So, to avoid a potential ugly embarrassing scene for your daughter, it's worth checking into the specifics of the dress code and pointing them out to her if there's an issue. Otherwise, I don't see why not wearing a bra would be any kind of problem for an 11 year old who's comfortable with not wearing one.


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## TinyFrog (Jan 24, 2006)

I definitely would not force the issue on her. I stopped wearing bras about a year ago because 1) I don't need the support as a 36AA 2.) They were NOT comfortable at all and 3) They are so hard to find anyway. I wear camis now, not the kind with a shelf bra because I find them uncomfortable too because it was just like having a bra that constricted me in one spot. Honestly, I was a little unsure of it at first







when I was in the locker room at work but no one has ever said a thing and now I would not care if they did. I am actually liking the camis now because I find the longer ones that can be tucked in and they keep my belly warm







.


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Most of all, I have no interest in telling a girl that since she's developing into a woman, she has to sacrifice her personal comfort for other people's standards.

I agree. I learned that lesson (to sacrifice myself for other people's comfort) way too well. I don't want to repeat that with my dd.


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## angel_miette (Jul 25, 2007)

Ok I don't have a pre-teen daughter yet... But I do remember that stage in life. I was a tomboy and hated the thought of anything girly... Especially bras. But thinking back I wish my Mom had sat down with me and discussed all of it because I didn't know how to go up to her myself and talk about it. If she had come to me and said "lets have a girls chat" and discussed the bra issue, periods, leg shaving, makeup, boys, appropriate clothing, etc. I think my transition from girl to teen would have been a bit easier instead of so traumatic.
Maybe it's time to have a girls night out and discuss all things woman with her. Have a cloths shopping day and amongst the regular cloths add in bras so it feels a little less weird. Have her try on a different range of styles in her size to see what feels more comfortable for her. Make sure you know her size before going to the store though, the wrong size can make any girl/woman uncomforable wearing the bra. And of course being sized at the store is totally embarassing.
Hope things go well and just remember your feelings as a teenager.

Angel Miette


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

I'm a 40F, and I'm very comfortable without a bra. It took a few months of letting my chest muscles actually develop properly after all the years of artificial support, though.

I would not be comfortable insisting that my daughter wear something that could potentially contribute to cancer. I would not stop her if she insisted though, either. I also agree with the body issue and premature sexualization issues already discussed here. Additionally, the concept of "you have to wear this garment or people will sexually harass you" is frankly horrifying. How is that any different from "if you wear a mini skirt you're 'asking for it'"?







:


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## crazyrunningmama (Dec 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lemonade* 
And, to be honest, the camis help a little, but she still sometimes looks "pointy."

I've been trying to take things at her pace, to let her decide if and when she's ready wear a bra, but I feel embarrassed for her. WWYD?

Please, don't try to force her into anything and do all you can to avoid making her uncomfortable BUT it is fair to tell her that the "pointiness" is visible to others. Let her make the call from there. I still clearly remember when my mom suddenly decided that I had to wear undershirts everyday and me thinking WTF??? I never had to wear them before and having no idea what the problem was. Really no clue and I wish she had calmly told me, but she couldn't because it was about her feeling embarassed.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
I would not be comfortable insisting that my daughter wear something that could potentially contribute to cancer. I would not stop her if she insisted though, either. I also agree with the body issue and premature sexualization issues already discussed here. Additionally, the concept of "you have to wear this garment or people will sexually harass you" is frankly horrifying. How is that any different from "if you wear a mini skirt you're 'asking for it'"?







:

ITA. i recently read about how breast cancer rates have recently jumped in countries where women only recently started wearing bras.

all of my friends got bras before me in 5th grade. my mom never had a talk with me. i suspect my parents did not perceive any premature sexualization, and it being a different era, perhaps there was none. i was not tramautized in any way sexually for having breasts "out there". however i did *want* a bra. finally my grandmother got me one and left in on my bed along with some other clothing she purchased for me. (as time went on i learned this grandmother was a "proper" type of person, whose own mother-- my great grandmother--had a braless streak to her.) i continued to wear bras throughout college, bought a ton of them, push up bras, the works.

then when i got married at 23, the hippie side of me came out, and i quit bras all together for several years. this included being pretty much "out there" again and not caring what people saw or thought (and any sexualization was no longer premature; i was in my 20's). the rational side came back late in my 20s and by my 30s i was back in bras, but more like the sports bra types, mostly to benefit my career -- ie, to combat any sexualization that could have been holding me back from promotions, etc.

now, in my later 30's, i'm nursing a child, have had the "ah ha" moment of "this is what my breasts have been waiting for" all of my life, and i wear nursing tank tops (from target) of the sports-cloth variety -- for my own comfort.

ahhhh, breasts. i like to look at the big picture. i'd say worry less about boys leering at your daughter and focus on supporting her (no pun intended) as a person.


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## Novella (Nov 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ElliesMomma* 
ahhhh, breasts. i like to look at the big picture. i'd say worry less about boys leering at your daughter and focus on supporting her (no pun intended) as a person.

I *really* like this!

Just adding my two cents worth:
1) I didn't assume that those schools with dress codes requiring "appropriate undergarments" meant girls must wear bras. I thought it was taking a stab at ruling out girls wearing bright-red leopard-print bras under light white blouses and things like that. You know, an obvious attempt to circumvent the "propriety" of the school uniform or dress code.
2) A few mentioned the daughter potentially being teased about her buds. Bra-wearing is teasing fodder, too. When I was that age, the boys were merciless in snapping the straps of any girls who started wearing bras. It was quite the incentive to skip the bras and just wear a non-fitted, slightly weightier t-shirt.


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## Mothra (Jun 4, 2002)

Quote:

Most of all, I have no interest in telling a girl that since she's developing into a woman, she has to sacrifice her personal comfort for other people's standards.
Word.


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## Kellie_MO4 (Jan 14, 2006)

I agree with most in that you should not try to *make* her. Maybe explain why you were asking if she'd like one, and if she's fine and comfortable with herself, then let her be


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ElliesMomma* 
i'd say worry less about boys leering at your daughter and focus on supporting her (no pun intended) as a person.

With all due respect - that's easy for the mother of a nursling to say.
When you have a pre-teen girl in middle school it's a whole different story.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Novella*
I didn't assume that those schools with dress codes requiring "appropriate undergarments" meant girls must wear bras. I thought it was taking a stab at ruling out girls wearing bright-red leopard-print bras under light white blouses and things like that. You know, an obvious attempt to circumvent the "propriety" of the school uniform or dress code.

Actually, "appropriate undergarments" usually does mean girls must wear bras. I think schools are trying to quash the "jiggle factor", if you will.


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## Animal_Lady (Sep 25, 2007)

I read this thread last night, but was unsure of how I would personally answer. So I slept on it, and I think that I do have my answer.

Up until yesterday, I hadn't given the subject much thought, as DD is only 5. But you all know how fast they grow up.









I hate to wear bras! I only wear them at work and for nice dress up events. Other than that, I wear tank-tops as under shirts. I went to Old Navy and bought a whole bunch in colors that I like. I can wear two at the same time, or one under a regular shirt. I went more than a year without a bra, and I noticed something quite remarkable: my breasts got much much smaller. Like 36A. Once I started wearing bras on a daily basis again for work, they swelled up: 36C! The only way that I can explain it is backed up lymph fluid. Swelling. Backed up lymph fluid means toxins are building up instead of draining from my body like they should. I am personally convinced that long term bra wearing can lead to increased risk for breast cancer. Why on Earth would I want to subject my daughter to that? If she feels the desire to wear bras when she gets to that age, I will take her shopping for soft, loose, *organic fiber* bras. And I will warn her against wearing them all the time. I will teach her to massage her breasts when she takes her bras off to help that fluid drain. I will also warn her against overly tight bras and bras with an underwire.

This is what I will do. I am here to love and protect her and teach her how to love and protect herself. I am not here to force herself to confirm to societal expectations. She can love and appreciate and feel proud of her body without shame. I will do my best to encourage that.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I've actually been the one to resist getting my dd bras. I bought her a bunch of cute cami undershirts instead. At her father's house her stepmother buys her PADDED BRAS, she looks like she's a cull cup size bigger in them!!! and they MAKE her wear them!!!


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## SJane01 (Feb 24, 2006)

My only concern is if she's not wearing shirts that would cover it all. If she's still wearing shirts that would allow someone to see that area, then definitly she needs to wear a bra. but if she's not then.. I'd not force the issue


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## Longhorn (Sep 21, 2007)

I know when I first started to bud, I went to my mom. I was wearing a shirt that had an embroidered emblem that happen to fall right on my left nipple and it HURT! It would rub and I was terribly uncomfortable. So we got some bras, and I hated them. I started to not wear them in junior high, but it was 'that' big of a deal because I was small. Anyway, one day I was playing volleyball and a girl came up to me, with 4 of her little friends staring, watching, and rub my shoulder where the bra strap would have been and asked if I wore a bra. I was MORTIFIED







So needless to say I started wearing bras after that.

I think she just needs to make a decision for herself.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Her body, her decision.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

I do remember needing a bra at that age because my breastbuds were excruciatingly painful...sort of the way my boobs felt early in my first pregnancy.


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## Kellie_MO4 (Jan 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SJane01* 
My only concern is if she's not wearing shirts that would cover it all. If she's still wearing shirts that would allow someone to see that area, then definitly she needs to wear a bra. but if she's not then.. I'd not force the issue

However bras aren't her only option, either. There are plenty of types of undershirts, or, like a PP, just wearing a tank top under a regular T would solve that problem, if it happened to be one


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## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

I've removed an offensive post and some commenting on it so that the thread can be returned for discussion.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
I've actually been the one to resist getting my dd bras. I bought her a bunch of cute cami undershirts instead. At her father's house her stepmother buys her PADDED BRAS, she looks like she's a cull cup size bigger in them!!! and they MAKE her wear them!!!









I know you're resisting getting your dd bras but is there any chance you would be willing to take her out and get her 1 or 2 unpadded comfortable bras for her to take to her fathers house? I can't imagine making a young girl wear a padded bra. How wrong. If they're going to make her wear a bra, though, your dd should have some say in what kind it is.


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## AbundantLife (Jun 4, 2005)

Did I miss something? Did the OP ever say that her DD was being made fun of or harrassed or is the issue that the Mom is embarrassed by the budding breasts?

If the DD is not experiencing embarrasment or teasing, what's the big deal? She is comfortable with her body and that is a good thing.

I suppose I would make a point of telling her that if she is wearing something see-through, then perhaps a tank top would be appropriate to wear underneath. I see no need for a bra if there are no breasts yet to support.
I'm 43 years old and never wore a "training bra" when I was developing. I never liked to wear bras even though I probably needed one earlier than some girls. My mother forced me to wear one and pretty much humiliated me about the whole issue.


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## gingerstar (Jun 10, 2005)

I'm reading with interest because we are right where the OP is....my eldest is 9 1/2, and has begun puberty early due to hormone issues, for which we see an endocrinologist. She has not just buds (that happened almost two years ago) but actual breasts.
I got comments last year that it was time she began wearing a bra. I waited, but once the school secretary and I discussed it and she said there came a point where she had to speak to some girls and tell them they needed to wear something - I knew I had to get my DD something, because she would positively die if the school sec spoke to her. As a pp noted, we live in a conservative, rural area, and the dress is carefully monitored.

So far we have had some success with comfy stretchy not-a-bra type things, but she does dislike them. I don't make her wear them at home (boy, that would be hypocritical, since half the time I don't wear them at home!) but I have explained that it is appropriate dress for her to wear them to school or other public places.

It is difficult - but I know she hates attention (like a pp DD) and would be mortified to have attention paid to her breasts. Since these aren't "bra-like" in construction, there are no straps to snap - it is just smooth stretchy fabric. As we move into cooler weather I am going to look into other types of camisole/tank type things that could give her some modesty and yet be comfortable.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

My dd wore the sports bras for YEARS. She liked those much better than real bras.

In fact, she still wears them a lot at 15.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I have thought about this dd just turned 7yo







: She is not in any way developing but she will eventually. I do not wear bra's unless I am going to church. I buy shirts that work with going braless (42C) I will never try to force my dd to wear something so uncomfortable and cause possible health issues down the road.

I dont mind camies and wear bra shelf tanks on occasion. It will be up to her and I will do my best to find whatever clothing it is that she wants be it bra's cami's or shirts that work with being braless.

I remember how painful breast buds were when they first came in OMG I still cringe when I think of that.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I would get her some tighter fitting tank tops to wear. That wouldn't be uncomfy, and it would conceal breast buds a bit. If they are just buds, its not like there will be much jiggle factor. It may help her to transition to wearing a bra within the next year or two. If she ends up with small breasts like me, she may NEVER need a bra. A tight tank under her regular clothes may be all she ever needs to prevent oogling or others making comments. If she were my dd, I wouldn't force her to wear any kind of undergarment, but I may want her to wear more concealing clothes if she doesn't want to wear a tank/sports bra/bra. (like loose sweatshirts/hoodies stuff like that instead of thin cotton t-shirts/thin blouses) I am 29 and still hate bra's. I only wear them to work and church. Otherwise, I am braless. But I have small breasts so it really isn't all that noticable.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 







I know you're resisting getting your dd bras but is there any chance you would be willing to take her out and get her 1 or 2 unpadded comfortable bras for her to take to her fathers house? I can't imagine making a young girl wear a padded bra. How wrong. If they're going to make her wear a bra, though, your dd should have some say in what kind it is.

The camis I buy her look sort of like sports bras. In order for her father to be happy,







:







: they have to be tight enough to make it so nipple is never apparent through her shirt







: And she'd rather wear padding than something too tight and restrictive. She vows that when he's in an old folks home she's going to insist he wear a jockstrap all of the time because his "bump" bothers her and she shouldn't have to see it.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
The camis I buy her look sort of like sports bras. In order for her father to be happy,







:







: they have to be tight enough to make it so nipple is never apparent through her shirt







: And she'd rather wear padding than something too tight and restrictive. She vows that when he's in an old folks home she's going to insist he wear a jockstrap all of the time because his "bump" bothers her and she shouldn't have to see it.

I think I like your daughter.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
She vows that when he's in an old folks home she's going to insist he wear a jockstrap all of the time because his "bump" bothers her and she shouldn't have to see it.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

My dd is in the same stage. I bought her an assortment of stretchy camisole-type bras. She knows where they are. Sometimes she wears them and sometimes she doesn't. I stay out of it.


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## ripcurlgirl26 (May 10, 2006)

I had the same exact issues when I first started wearing bras. They were so itchy and uncomfortable. I didn't start wearing a bra routinely to school until I hit 8th grade - so I was what, 13? And then it was sports bras, like some PP's have said.

She will eventually wear one. I'd drop it for now and maybe mention it every few weeks. Ask if she wants to go shopping and pick out her very own bras. If she's cool with her body the way it is right now, she sounds like she's doing great.


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## Laggie (Nov 2, 2005)

I remember asking for a bra in grade 5. My mom laughed and said that I didn't have anything to put in it. But she did get me a couple of them. They were definitely uncomfortable, but I wore them from grade 6 onward, since everyone else did.

After high school, though, I stopped. All through my 20's I never wore anything. I've always been kind of naive and I actually had no idea that people think being able to see a nipple outline is, um, titillating? So, I'm sure I was shocking people for years without even realizing it. There's still no jiggling going on, though.

Nowadays I wear tank tops. I wish that I would have had tight tanks or camisoles to wear when I was younger - I always hated the way bras felt. The only reason I wore them was because I wanted to be attractive to boys.

I think it's awful that a school would tell girls they can't have a nipple outline showing. I do remember that in high school the girls with larger breasts would get in trouble for wearing low-cut tops or having a bra strap showing, while those with small breasts wore the same things with no problem. I really think the schools are sending the wrong message when they discipline girls for dressing "too sexy" but boys can run around shirtless playing sports. Ever hear of a boy getting in trouble for wearing sweatpants and no underwear? I didn't think so.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

Short answer: no. I would not and have not. My 18yr old daughter is not required to wear a bra. Sometimes she doesn't and yes, you can see her nipples. She just finds them uncomfortable and feels they are unnecessary since her breasts are so small (her words).

And I have to add that I dislike the word "buds." I'm not asking anyone to stop using it. But I had to chime in.


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## lovesdaffodils (Jul 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy* 
Dress codes? There's no such thing as a dress code (that I've ever heard of) that prohibits breast buds. WTH is that?







:

I know a PP mentioned "appropriate undergarments" being on their dress code. But at the school I went to, starting in 6th grade, the dress code flat out said "Bras shall be worn." So it does happen.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
I think I like your daughter.

















:


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaraBoo* 
And I have to add that I dislike the word "buds." I'm not asking anyone to stop using it. But I had to chime in.

I'm curious, why? "Budding" breasts have been referred to as "breast buds" for as long as I can remember. Is that somehow offensive, and I'm just not getting it?


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

No, it's not offensive. Just creeps me out personally. I know I'm not in the majority on this one. LOL


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## IndyNanny (Sep 20, 2007)

My DD prefers to wear a bra. I wore them, by choice just because all the other girls did. Wearing one also made changing in gym class more comfortable. I have taken my DD to Victoria's Secret when they have sales or when I have a coupon. She has picked out a few really nice ones that she says are very comfy and breathable. Funny, though - now that I think about it - I did go on a no bra binge for a LONG time until I had the kids and was nursing. I've worn one ever since.


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## secretresistance (Dec 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaraBoo* 
No, it's not offensive. Just creeps me out personally. I know I'm not in the majority on this one. LOL

I agree with you; no rational reason, but it just gives me the jeeblies.

And I would never make my daughter wear a bra, that strikes me as wayyy too controlling. I wish I felt comfortable without one.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ann-Marita* 
She doesn't need the support of a bra. I would not make her wear one.

If SHE is self-conscious about the pointiness, but dislikes wearing another layer or a bra, she might try medical tape or band-aids. I would not suggest that to her unless SHE brings it up.

Really, I don't see a problem with being "pointy". We don't make our male children wear special undergarments that flatten out their developing areas - why should we do that to our female children?

I agree with that. Also assuming she is not wearing too tight tops. A little nipple pointiness on a small chested eleven year old is not a big deal, IMO. As she gets a little older and more of her peers start to wear bras, she'll likely want to wear one too. Nipples are natural!


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Organicavocado* 
If the issue is simply that bras are hot and itchy and uncomfortable, I totally get that. I didnt go out of my way to wear my first training bras, they WERE itchy and not like the bras I wear now, and I do think you become a little desensitized over time.


I don't think it's that you get desensitized. I swear the training bras have metal shavings or shards of glass woven into the material.







I remember my first bra, and my second. The first one was a "trainer" at age 8, and was HORRIBLY uncomfortable. The second a regular bra on my 9th birthday, and there was no itching at all. (I went from a AAA cup to a C practically overnight! And then just kept going until I was a DDD long by.







)

ETA: I have no idea how to get a preteen to *suddenly want* to wear a bra. My mother was talking them up (along with periods and armpit hair and deodorant and shaving legs) from the time I was able to toddle about and ask her "What's that?" By the time I was starting to grow breasts, I was READY. I had my training bra, my sanitary napkin kit, and my pink bics lined up in my top dresser drawer!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaraBoo* 
No, it's not offensive. Just creeps me out personally. I know I'm not in the majority on this one. LOL

I use the term in conversations like this, where it's already in use, but I actually don't like it, either. I've never been sure why.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Let me chime in as another who is weirded out by the word "buds"...i know its all technical and everything....but i keep getting this image of a little girl about to sprout roses out of her chest or something.

Katherine


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

I haven't read the replies. But I laughed when I read the post because it totally reminded me of something:

When I was about 14, my dad was driving me to a school dance (homecoming or something, not a fancy one). I was wearing an off the shoulder sweatshirt (a la Flashdance, gotta love it), and he all of a sudden put two and two together and said "you're not wearing a bra." I confirmed that I was not, and he turned the car around to go home so I could put on one. I remember him saying that he knows how guys talk about girls, and he was not going to have me be one of those girls.

Okay, it sounds silly when I type it out, but I understood where he was coming from. To be fair, I did have a decent sized chest. I get that the obsession with breasts is crazy, but it is what it is, and I think that sometimes some parental input is called for.

I dunno, I don't have a teenage daughter, so those are just my random thoughts about it, but I can't imagine letting my 13yo dd walk out the door with the brown of her nipples showing through a thin white t-shirt, for example.

I guess I wouldn't force her, but I would definitely work with her to find something that worked for her - a tank with a shelf bra, an undershirt, something.


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## triscuitsmom (Jan 11, 2007)

I really find some of the reasons for "making" her wear a bra







:

So that someone else won't tease/harass her? Seriously? Yes, I get that it is an important thing to feel safe in your school, and that we want to protect our children... but two things got me about it.

First of all there wasn't mention of her being teased/harassed at school, only of the mothers own embarassment. I'm sorry but my own hangups would not be a good enough reason to me to force my child to do something she found uncomfortable and/or unnecessary which could also have more damaging effects to her.

Also, even if it did cause teasing... that is for her daughter to decide what to do about. I am all for having open conversations about the avaliabilty of bras/camis/tanks when she wants them and even having them for her in the house should she choose to want to wear one. But I'm totally with the person who said some of the lines in this conversation remind me a lot of the miniskirt=asking for it comments women can hear.

She's her own person. And if that preteen/teen is comfortable in her own skin, in this situation where she's not breaking laws nor is she being overtly sexual at too young an age, it's her body... her choice.

FWIW I've been on the other side of the coin... she'll get there if it's important to her.


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## AbundantLife (Jun 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
I haven't read the replies. But I laughed when I read the post because it totally reminded me of something:

When I was about 14, my dad was driving me to a school dance (homecoming or something, not a fancy one). I was wearing an off the shoulder sweatshirt (a la Flashdance, gotta love it), and he all of a sudden put two and two together and said "you're not wearing a bra." I confirmed that I was not, and he turned the car around to go home so I could put on one. I remember him saying that he knows how guys talk about girls, and he was not going to have me be one of those girls.

Okay, it sounds silly when I type it out, but I understood where he was coming from. To be fair, I did have a decent sized chest. I get that the obsession with breasts is crazy, but it is what it is, and I think that sometimes some parental input is called for.

I dunno, I don't have a teenage daughter, so those are just my random thoughts about it, but I can't imagine letting my 13yo dd walk out the door with the brown of her nipples showing through a thin white t-shirt, for example.

I guess I wouldn't force her, but I would definitely work with her to find something that worked for her - a tank with a shelf bra, an undershirt, something.

I think it's great that you had this conversation with your Dad. Most of our opinions on this subject are based on our own experiences as girls with our own mothers and how we felt about the issue of our own maturing bodies. It's nice to hear the male perspective on the issue, and yes, whether we like it or not, the breast obsession exists in this country. It says a lot about your Dad that he would even talk about this with you.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Add me to the list of those who think bras are not necessary. I don't see anything wrong with pointiness, sagginess or even a nipple outline. Wearing a bra just to give the artificial appearance of smooth uplifted bumps, or for fear that others will be offended by your womanliness, is not worth the discomfort and headache to me (I get headaches even with lightweight bralettes).

Bras remind me of corsettes. People were once offended by women who didn't wear them...

That said, my 10yo dd likes to wear them because......I'm not sure why (probably peer pressure). I respect that, even though I don't think it's necessary (and she has buds too). It's her body.


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovesdaffodils* 
I know a PP mentioned "appropriate undergarments" being on their dress code. But at the school I went to, starting in 6th grade, the dress code flat out said "Bras shall be worn." So it does happen.

And if I saw that being enforced on my daughter/sister/neice, I would take serious issue with it, including contacting the NYCLU (our branch of the ACLU). That's bull crap and in a public school I doubt that's legal--not sure about private since I've never dealt with private schools.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

If it were my DD I would take her in front of the mirror and show her her buddings. Let her know you can see them through her shirt but let her know that it's nothing bad at all. I would ask her then if she would like to try something to make them less noticeable. I don't think I would flat out make her wear one but I would let her know about them and see them and let her decide then. BTw schools do have dress codes that say something about girls breasts. I can't remember the wording but I remember reading it in my sister's high school rule book.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovesdaffodils* 
I know a PP mentioned "appropriate undergarments" being on their dress code. But at the school I went to, starting in 6th grade, the dress code flat out said "Bras shall be worn." So it does happen.

Well this is yet another instance where schools overstep their bounds. They are not the childs parent. Period.


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Okay, so so far, we have boys, but I do remember being a girl and I also didn't wear a bra after highschool and only started again once I was pg with ds1 and very sore from the new weight. I have been pg and/or bf'ing for the past 5 years, but I only wear a bra during the 'sore' stage of pg, then for nursing it's half-camis. I am or was ( I have no idea what I am without the constant changes) 36D.

I do not think bras are necessary for most women in most circumstances and I really don't think they are in the case of a developing girl. I am actually quite baffled that so many have mentioned covering up the 'pointiness' of 'buds' as a valid reason for wearing a bra or other cover-up bra-like alternative. I guess I am missing the offense that 'buds' cause and a little alarmed that before 'budding' a girl's body is fine and acceptable, but once she 'buds' she has something that she must conceal (intended or not, that is the message- 'you're turning into a woman and women are not clean/acceptable/beautiful/allowed to just be as they are'). I understand not wanting a baggy sleeve hanging open for all to look inside, but a purposeful imposition of values on a child regarding _her_ breasts via requirement of _breast-concealing undergarments_?







:

Now that's a message we can do without! And I don't care what mainstream media says; its not raising children- parents are. Mainstream media would have me feeding my dc pizza pockets and toaster strudel everyday too, wearing all sorts of unecessary, but commercially-driven and perpetuating clothing, make-up, perfumes, playing video games several hours everyday, etc... I guess I just don't see how that's relevant to _my_ life.

My mother and father were totally ashamed of my body when I was growing, and now, at 30 yrs of age, I am still working through issues with my dh about that. You have an opportunity to CHANGE what is being fed your dds by ignoramuses! Why would you choose to do otherwise to satisfy a 'dress-code' or the mis-guided potential for others to be uncomfortable?

Offense can be a _great_ thing; _it lets us know where we stand_ (so we can adjust accordingly!).


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## beachmouse (Sep 27, 2007)

When I was growing up, the only time bras got mentioned was on the first day of gym class. The female gym teacher gave us a tour of the athletics areas of the school, and while we were going through the locker room, we got the lecture on appropriate gym class clothing. IIRC, wearing a supportive bra was mentioned somewhere between no short shorts and athletic shoes that wouldn't scuff the gym floor.

Which in context makes sense because a C cup playing volleyball braless is probably not going to be overly comfortable. No one was singled out, and I assume the guys got the same lecture about proper undergarments from the male gym teacher during their locker room walkthrough.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

i just have one more little comment about this thread. i've read through most of the responses, and it seems that when parents are/were laid back about the need (or lack thereof) for bras, the daughters wanted them; conversely, when parents are/were more strict about it, the daughters did not want them.

so, maybe, if you really really want your DD to wear a bra, the best way to get her to want to is to say nothing about it at all. or even better, start going braless yourself. my mom did this when i was a teen, and i wanted a bra. then by the time i was in my 20s and going braless myself, what do you know, my mom started wearing a bra.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy* 
And if I saw that being enforced on my daughter/sister/neice, I would take serious issue with it, including contacting the NYCLU (our branch of the ACLU). That's bull crap and in a public school I doubt that's legal--not sure about private since I've never dealt with private schools.

It was a Texas public school. There's a lot about restrictions in public schools around there that's of dubious legality from a civil liberties standpoint, but I digress.


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

Hmm, I've been trying to uncondition myself from wearing bras ever since I discovered the health risks.
From an energic pov, the way bras cross energy points, they cause blood sugar issues (in an acupuncture point).
Bras don't allow for proper lymph movement through the breast - there's a book out there called "Dressed to Kill" that shows the evidence of breast cancer correlating with bras - the fancier the bras, the more likely one is to get cancer.
Bras damage subcutaneous tissue under the breast, causing sagging.
I would/will actively discourage my daughters from wearing bras except in situations where their breasts are truly uncomfortable and get in the way.


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## lovesdaffodils (Jul 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy* 
And if I saw that being enforced on my daughter/sister/neice, I would take serious issue with it, including contacting the NYCLU (our branch of the ACLU). That's bull crap and in a public school I doubt that's legal--not sure about private since I've never dealt with private schools.

I definitely agree that it's bull crap. In this area of the country, I am guessing no one ever considered fighting it (I never did in my school years).


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## anubis (Oct 6, 2006)

I wouldn't make a kid wear anything she or he doesn't want to wear (well, aside from, say, a helmet while riding a bike or other safety stuff). I remember too well my mum trying to get me to wear a bra. I didn't start wearing them until I was 15, and even then I felt the need to hide it from my mum, just so she wouldn't think she'd "won"







Until I was living on my own, I had my secret bra stash and would only wear them when mum wasn't around.

If the school has a problem with it (which is really overstepping their boundaries, it's none of their business as long as she's not naked or anything), they'll bring it up with her and she can decide what to do then. I got the whole "it'll save you from embarrassing situations" spiel from my mum, and frankly, at the age of 12-13 I was quite capable of handling embarrassment. Had I not been, I suppose it would have been a learning experience. Funnily enough, though, the embarrassing situations came after I started wearing a bra.


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## momtothree (Jun 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spero* 
As the mama of a girl who "budded" on the early side, I'll play devil's advocate and say that yes, I would encourage her to wear a bra. The pointy buds definitely attract attention and my DD is on the shy side. IMO, I was HELPING her by encouraging her to wear a bra.

And yes, our school has a dress code that prohibits provocative dress. Maybe the general obsession with nipples and breasts is wrong, but the obvious display of such is considered provocative by many schools. They enforce this code to protect kids like my DD from embarassment and the unfortunate situations that do arise. Boys can be real disrespectful jerks at that age. Even the other girls can be unbelievably cruel.

And what about gym class? In our school kids start changing for gym in fifth grade. I was extremely self conscious in the locker room, I wouldn't have dreamed of being seen braless.

My DD started with sports bras, then found that she liked microfiber. We shopped around, tried different bras, and discarded a few along the way. Now she's 14 and seems to prefer a 100% cotton bra that looks like the top of a cami.

I never had to 'force' her to wear one. She was resistant at first, so we discussed the pros and cons of wearing a bra and then went bra shopping. The rule was, always wear a bra for school and for sports, but at home she didn't have to. Eventually she came to the point where she wore it all the time and wasn't bothered by it.

I agree with this...I did this with my dd and it has worked well


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## sea_joy (Aug 5, 2006)

I would say that if YOU are uncomfortable about it, to buy her some shelf cami's and clips the elastic on the sides so they aren't restrictive. But I would encourage her to go braless/camiless at home if she wants to. There is no dress code at home, and to reason for you to hide your body.

Of course breasts are visable! It's because they stick out! She can learn to wear certain clothes to certain occasions, there's no need for her to do one thing all the time. I would also let her go out of the house (not school) without wearing a bra, provided her shirt wasn't see-through








A regular tee-shirt shouldn't be a problem....

Crystal


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

I think it really is the comfort for the girl. My dd WANTED one because she was feeling self concious. I think it is easy to say that we shouldn't encourage them to cover up if you have never been teased about it.

I am letting dd lead the way. She wears her cami when she wants to, doesn't when she doesn't. Can't at ballet so she sees older girls allt he time without bras "in public".

But lets not foist either view on our daugthers. Let them decide what they are comfortable with....


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HerthElde* 
Hmm, I've been trying to uncondition myself from wearing bras ever since I discovered the health risks.
From an energic pov, the way bras cross energy points, they cause blood sugar issues (in an acupuncture point).
Bras don't allow for proper lymph movement through the breast - there's a book out there called "Dressed to Kill" that shows the evidence of breast cancer correlating with bras - the fancier the bras, the more likely one is to get cancer.
Bras damage subcutaneous tissue under the breast, causing sagging.
I would/will actively discourage my daughters from wearing bras except in situations where their breasts are truly uncomfortable and get in the way.

Interesting. I never thought about it but it makes sense. All I knew was that they are incredibly uncomfortable and confining (and insulting imo).


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anubis* 
Funnily enough, though, the embarrassing situations came after I started wearing a bra.

Yes, same here. I remember the embarrassing and humiliating "bra snap" given by the boys in 7th and 8th grade.


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## mamahart (Sep 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
I Additionally, the concept of "you have to wear this garment or people will sexually harass you" is frankly horrifying. How is that any different from "if you wear a mini skirt you're 'asking for it'"?







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When I was about 15 my mom literally cried about the fact that I refused to strap down my 36D breasts and the fact that my knees were "scraped up" She was horrified that my girlhood included a very free body and lots of tree climbing and hiking around the rural area I grew up in.
Gosh?!? How do we want our girls to be or think???
I find this a very very very relevant question as the mother of a 10 yr old. I still rarely strap down my now 42DD breasts and I betcha I'll never be in a fashion magazine (maybe Nat'l Geo). But I am a healthy and happy and tanned lover of creeks and forests and children and gardens and animals and all that...I would NEVER pass dress code and honestly I cannot imagine enforcing bra wearing on any person ever! ( and I do realize that the mama who started this thread had no intention of "forcing " anything..."


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## AbundantLife (Jun 4, 2005)

I just wanted to point out that if you want to go braless, that is your choice, but there is no evidence at all to support the claim that wearing one causes or contributes to breast cancer.
http://www.center4research.org/wmnsh...ra-cancer.html


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AbundantLife* 
I just wanted to point out that if you want to go braless, that is your choice, but there is no evidence at all to support the claim that wearing one causes or contributes to breast cancer.
http://www.center4research.org/wmnsh...ra-cancer.html

Not from a mainstream pov - as I said, it's an energic thing, you can choose to discount that if you like. Lymph is meant to move throughout the body, bras prevent that bounciness in the breast


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