# CIO, co-sleeping, and the divorce rate



## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

I have a hypothesis that people who were CIOed as babies are more likely to divorce than people who slept with their parents as babies. Does anyone know if there has been research into this? I'm very curious. I wonder if the rise in the divorce rate in the 60's was due, in part, to two generations of CIO. Now, we are on, what, four or five generations of CIO, and the divorce rate is about 50%. Just something I've been musing over. I think that babies who are CIOed don't learn to develop as deep relationships as babies that sleep securely with their parents, and this affects their marriages. But, I could be wrong.


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

I'm sure you could make arguments over a lot of reasons people divorce. I'm just not sure I'd believe much of it has to do with that....but then again I could be wrong too.


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## Jazzmin (Jun 29, 2006)

Yeah, I think there are too many variables that would effect the divorce rate. I can see your point on attachment, but there are also many other issues that affect attachemnt, not just CIO v. Not CIO.


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## Ducky5306 (Jul 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *julie128* 
I have a hypothesis that people who were CIOed as babies are more likely to divorce than people who slept with their parents as babies. Does anyone know if there has been research into this? I'm very curious. I wonder if the rise in the divorce rate in the 60's was due, in part, to two generations of CIO. Now, we are on, what, four or five generations of CIO, and the divorce rate is about 50%. Just something I've been musing over. I think that babies who are CIOed don't learn to develop as deep relationships as babies that sleep securely with their parents, and this affects their marriages. But, I could be wrong.

i co-slept as a baby (til age 4 or 5) and my exhusband also co-slept.. we divorced after 2 years of being married.. i think it was mostly because of his co-sleeping that we got divorced! (co-sleeping with other women that is!)







okay sorry really bad joke but its late and i couldn't help it!







:


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## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

I wasn't saying that was the only factor in divorce, but it could be a factor, I think. Like formula is a factor in diabetes risk, but it's certainly not the only factor, and people who were bf get diabetes, too.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

It's an interesting proposal. I have never seen any research in it though. I do know that none of my grandparents and greatgrandparents slept with any of thier children, and there are no divorces in our family. So I'm not sure.


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

That doesn't make sense to me, though it sure sounds nice. Wouldn't it be great if we could know our children would grow up with strong identity and relationships? Unfortunately I don't think it's as simple as co-sleeping.

Major culture & family role movements in the 60s (such as the move from male dominated role-oriented culture towards an anything goes "ismist" culture) were contributers to the boom of divorce rates in America where the idea of divorce wasn't culturally accepted before.

Co-sleeping isn't an American phenomena or a "good family" practice, but a global culture practice mostly due to economic & space constraints & tradition, opposed to "for the development of the child" as principly the American white middle class are practicing now.

Modern cognitive and behavioral development research has proven mammals ability to not only heal and change socio-emotionally but actually rewrite areas of the brain mapped during early development.

My great-grandparents coslept & not only did my grandparents divorce (& my grandmother had a horrible drinking problem & a slew of socio-emotional identity issues until her 50s), but so did my parents.

My parents let me CIO & refused to let me sleep with them even when I begged, however after years of self education and introspection I have a healthy fufilling relationship with my husband of 6 1/2 years.


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ducky5306* 
i co-slept as a baby (til age 4 or 5) and my exhusband also co-slept.. we divorced after 2 years of being married.. i think it was mostly because of his co-sleeping that we got divorced! (co-sleeping with other women that is!)







okay sorry really bad joke but its late and i couldn't help it!







:


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carley* 
Co-sleeping isn't an American phenomena or a "good family" practice, but a global culture practice mostly due to economic & space constraints & tradition, opposed to "for the development of the child" as principly the American white middle class are practicing now.











Carley, ITA with your post...well said!! I think folks really are missing the boat on AP when it comes down to where kids are sleeping. Attachment goes far beyond when and where kids sleep.

I love what you said about the cultural context of cosleeping...so, so true. I think that's what bugs me about the hyperfocus on it. Having said that, I have coslept with both of my kids but don't think my kiddos are any more well-adjusted or emotionally healthy than my friends who insisted on their kids being in cribs.


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## Hippiemommie (Jul 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ducky5306* 
(co-sleeping with other women that is!)







okay sorry really bad joke but its late and i couldn't help it!







:


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## MommyDOK (Jan 9, 2003)

there was just a program on pbs about marriage and divorce that validates your hypothesis. They said that the more stress a child has, the higher rate of divorce when they get married. SO, let's say a child did not sleep well on his/her own and they were left to cio, then the divorce rate was very high for that individual.
It was an amazing program. The researchers were looking at pictures of adults from when they were children and they could tell how "stressful" their childhood was---just from the facial expressions.

Now, I have seen adults who were co-slept and who were also totally indulged as children and that created many problems for them when they were older. It's probably just as damaging as cio---child doesn't develop a "self" and then has problematic relationships. So, I don't want to say it's a "fine line", but it is important to realize just bc you cosleep, doesn't mean your child might not ever get divorced.

I am motivated to cosleep bc it is better for my child---although harder on me bc I'm not getting much sleep. Big picture is more important for me.


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## BethSLP (Mar 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyDOK* 
Now, I have seen adults who were co-slept and who were also totally indulged as children and that created many problems for them when they were older.


This is a REALLY important point. My DH has a lot of friends who were raised by hippies with the "follow your bliss" mentality to the point where they became very self centered. It is an extreme, but i do think its important to have a balance so that a child feels secure, but isn't under the impression the whole world revolves around their happiness. We've seen the overindulged grow up to flit around from thing to thing and dump it the minute it no longer makes them happy without considering how they've left others in a lurch,etc.

Its great to follow your bliss but also consider others....

XOXO
B


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