# does cosleeping cause bad sleepers?



## Luke's mama (Sep 29, 2009)

Just wondering--I am cosleeping with my 18 mo old ds, have been for over a year, and he wakes so often and seems stimulated be me, and I just think of all those mainstream parents with babies in cribs that supposedly go down unassisted and sleep through the night and wonder if co-sleeping actually causes restless sleeping and extra waking? Especially since so many posts on here are about how badly our babies, esp. toddlers, are sleeping? I am not going to stop since I am afraid he would just cry and I don't want to CIO, but am curious what others think?


----------



## lian (Jan 3, 2009)

I've just been wondering the same thing. DD's only 9 months, but she's SUCH a terrible sleeper. I was talking to the two other guys at work who have younger babies, and one sleeps through the night fairly consistently, the other one had a "bad" night last night and woke up 3 times. And I don't think either of these two did CIO for more than a few minutes at a time anyway. I would pay a lot of money if somehow dd would only wake up 3 times a night - a good night for me is about 8-10 times.

Anyway, no advice, but I've been struggling with this lately too. I almost feel like it's my fault that dd sleeps badly, and I'm starting to get worried that i'm going to cause sleep issues for her later in life because of this. I too am very against CIO, but I'm starting to doubt myself.


----------



## Natsuki (May 4, 2004)

The cosleeping parents whose kids and babies sleep well rarely post their success stories is one reason.

I've coslept with both kids (actually for winter we moved DS 3.5 back into our bed - he sleeps at the foot of it). They are both great sleepers - don't wake up. DD (9 months) only wakes to eat a few times a night and sleeps deeply and easily next to me.

I think that some kids cosleep easily and others are too stimulated by it and sleep better alone.

There is no rule that you HAVE to cosleep - it is a helpful parenting tool to be used when it works well. If sleeping is not going well, then my mantra is to change things (whether the sleeping arrangements or my attitude about them).

I would experiment with the child sleeping in the same room in a crib or on a mattress on the floor vs. in the same bed with you and see if they sleep better







.


----------



## Louisep (May 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Natsuki* 
The cosleeping parents whose kids and babies sleep well rarely post their success stories is one reason.
.

Exactly.

This question gets posted on here about every 3 weeks. Many of us with poor sleepers chose to co-sleep to improve the situation, thus poor sleepers created the co-sleeping, not vice versa. We tried various sleeping arrangements before the family bed and nothing made a difference. The family bed allows ME to get more rest is the only difference.

Sigh. I wish it would be so simple as to move DS into a crib


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My dd co-slept until about 3.5, and now at 7 sleeps FABULOUSLY. If only I could sleep so well. She didn't sleep through the night until 2. But she sleeps like a rock, 10 hours solid, now. Wakes up happy and ready for the day!


----------



## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

We have excellent sleepers, all co-sleepers.


----------



## kelly (Feb 2, 2002)

Our twins coslept until about 10 mos, transitioned to their cribs without any fuss after that, and continue to regularly join us in our bed during the night after easily falling asleep in their own beds. They are excellent sleepers, usually good for a 10 hour slumber. Some folks are just good sleepers, some aren't. We got lucky.


----------



## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

DD is still cosleeping the majority of the time and I wouldn't describe her sleep as good or bad. It's kind of eh.


----------



## Aliyahsmommy (Sep 9, 2008)

I think it all depends on the child. We moved our daughter to her own crib in her own room at 3 months old and she slept so peacefully and very soon after slept through the night 12 hours or so! Before this she had been an awful sleeper so I knew when we moved her that she was just a baby that needed her space and her own quiet place.
Now however at 2 1/2 she has moved back into co sleeping and sleeps better in our bed. This is somewhat unfortunate however as I do not sleep well when co sleeping since my daughter is quite a wild sleeper and I am currently looking for a way to end the co sleeping and get her peacefully back into her own bed. Not to mention baby #2 is coming in the next week and I'm afraid the night time nursing will wake her and when woken in the middle of the night she gets terribly upset. I'm at a loss really! Anyways got a little off topic there.


----------



## tanyam926 (May 25, 2005)

All of my kids have/are still cosleeping and they are good sleepers. My oldest (almost 7 yrs) falls asleep by himself and sleeps in his own room all night w/my middle son (4 yrs old). The 4 yr old nurses to sleep and sleeps in his bed for the first half of the night then comes into our rm and gets in his toddler bed right next to us.

Baby sleeps btw me and dh. It's been a gradual transition w/no tears.

Have confidence that you are doing the right thing. If the mainstream way of making kids sleep alone/CIO/etc. worked so well then we wouldn't have so many Rx drugs for insomnia/sleep problems, so many books dedicated to the subject, and so many people who have serious sleep issues.

I can't think of a better way to build positive sleep associations and habits than to let baby fall asleep feeling safe, warm, and happy, and to continue to allow babies/kids to sleep where they are most comfortable. Just common sense IMO.

The notion that in order to sleep well as an adult a child needs to be traumatized and therefore associate loneliness, crying, and sadness w/sleeping is absurd.


----------



## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

Our DD coslept and still comes to our bed sometimes and is a great sleeper, rarely if ever wakes up in the night even as a baby other than eating


----------



## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

I've bedshared with 5 children so far and have no problems with them sttn from fairly early on. Which doesn't mean we don't have our days (or rather nights) when things are out of sorts, but so do parents whose babies sleep in cribs.

And I agree if things aren't working it may be time for a change.


----------



## bettyjones (Mar 5, 2009)

Just hear James McKenna speak. So inspiring. We all have sleep personalities whether solitary or cosleeping. Cosleeping has a lot of benefits for babies


----------



## Blueone (Sep 12, 2009)

My son is 4 months and we tried the crib transition but he slept horribly. He would wake up at 2 and then not go back to sleep for more than a few minutes if I left the room so he's back in our bed and sleep really well. He will wake up at 3 to eat, then go back to sleep until 6. He used to sleep 12 hours straight, but is now at sleep regression, but I guess I can't complain too much because he only wakes once.

My friend though shared a story of her SIL who has kids that co-slept until they were 3 and sleep horribly. I guess it just depends on the kid.


----------



## EnchantedMamma (May 19, 2008)

I come from a family with sleep problems. I don't think anyone really know all the answers when it comes to sleep.

I don't think that co-sleeping necessarily creates poor sleepers. I suppose it could contribute depending on circumstances. Every family should decide their limits in terms of how much interruption (to the parents' sleep) they can tolerate, as well as how long they want to welcome their child to spend entire nights in their bed.

On the other hand, co-sleeping won't guarantee a 'good sleeper'. You DO need, IMHO, to decide what sleep habits you want and help your child to learn those habits.

For our family, we co-slept until DS's kicking and scooting (he liked to sleep parallel whenever he had both parents in bed...lol) got to be too much for us. I think that it was probably around 1 year old that we knew we HAD to start transitioning him out.

I was unwilling to CIO. Luckily, DS was pretty 'easy'. From the very beginning we had put him in his crib whenever he would stay asleep there. If he woke up crying, he came to our bed.

Once co-sleeping needed to end, we started putting him consistently BACK in the crib. We would stay with him until he fell asleep, holding hands, singing, etc. My sleep suffered terribly and I thought it would never end. But DH took turns (turns out to be much easier with daddy, for some reason) and we survived.

We have moved his crib from our room to a spare room a few months ago (this made a HUGE difference...wish we'd done it sooner but couldn't). We have a queen size bed in the baby's room where we read stories and cuddle before putting him to sleep.

At 18 months, we are now able to put him down once he is drowsy, tuck him in, and walk away. If he fusses, we return and announce our presence (hold hand if necessary, though it's usually not anymore), and then he settles back into sleep.

I'm glad we did a gentle 'bed weaning', and I'm so glad my sleep is getting back on track (with medications, but that's another story...). However, I don't think he would magically be a 'good sleeper' just b/c we co-slept. We had to gently encourage him to relax and sleep in his own bed when he seemed ready. Not only did WE need him to leave our bed, but I noticed that he slept more restlessly with us at a certain point.

Good luck!


----------



## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

yeah i think its a personality thing.

by two my dd was waking up at least once a night. i know it was hunger. she had a huge nursing and then slept thru the night. however seh didnt stop waking up till she was almost 3 1/2. i am kinda vague because it was qutie a while before i realised she had stopped waking up at night at all. i still wake up and have never gone back to STTN.

however in my dd's case i can say that cosleeping helped her sleep soundly at night when she did sleep.

you know i had friends whose kids were in cribs. but i just could not do it. the fact if she woke up looking for me and i wasnt there... i just could not bear that thought.

however even those parents with cribs their kids go thru changing sleep pattern too.

now if i had a child who was a v. light sleeper and would wake up the moment i turned or something was different, then yeah i may do a cosleeper or crib.

but i cannot imagine a child being restless because they are sleeping with someone. i can see them being disturbed by a parent and waking up.

my dd has anxiety. she is a v. anxious child. i didnt know that then. i know cosleeping has truly helped her with that. the reassurance of me being right next to her is HUUUGE to her.

i remember when we were kids we were finally moved out of the family bed when i was 6 and my brother 4 because he moved around sooo much. that did not stop when he had his own bed or when i coslept with him. he was by nature a restless sleeper.


----------



## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

It certainly seems that way when they're small. But studies of ADULT sleep show that we all wake up multiple times during the night. The difference is, those "great" sleepers who had to CIO learned that they were alone at night, and no one was coming to them. It MIGHT work better in the short run, but I wonder what kind of distance that puts in a parent-child relationship when that is one of the first lessons a baby learns.


----------



## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

DS was a poor sleeper--and that drove us to co-sleeping. Around 2.5 yo his sleep really improved and he goes to bed and stays asleep easily now. We still co-sleep because I love it now. 18 mo was a really tough age, especially since DS seemed to get his second wind with nighttime nursing, but hang in there. Hopefully things will get better soon!


----------



## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

We've coslept with our almost-10-month-old since birth (and before, I guess!), and she's a great sleeper. She stirs 2-3 times a night to nurse, and other than that sleeps great. Here's hoping that continues and we can keep on being one of the success stories. It's great hearing from other families who sleep well!


----------



## beingmommy (Sep 4, 2008)

I think it is definitely a personality thing. HOWEVER, I wish I could find a book about co-sleeping written by someone who had a bad sleeper! My DS (29 months) is a *terrible* sleeper. Always has been. I am currently so sleep deprived I am wading through my days. But all the co-sleeping books seem to have been written by people with easy babies. They just snuggle down and the child is asleep! They read them a bedtime story, pat them and they all fall asleep! They all relax in the living room and the child falls asleep and they carry them to the bed and everyone is blissfully happy! La la la. I makes me a little bitter when I read them.

Still, I am a firm believer in co-sleeping. In the long run it's a short time for me to be sleep deprived.


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I coslept with both of mine, and I had one "good" sleeper and one "bad" one. Not horrible, but not one who would sleep in long stretches, and who had a hard time falling asleep. She's a pretty decent sleeper now, however. She just doesn't seem to need as much sleep as her sister.


----------



## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

We had a lot of sleep challenges with our cosleeping DD- early waking, lots of night waking, long time to get to sleep, etc...

HOWEVER, she has never, ever resisted bed time. In fact, she kinda looks forward to it. Even when she was going through a phase of taking a long time to get to sleep, she still loved bed time and went through the bed time routine joyfully.

And now at age three she falls asleep in ten minutes, after we read her a story, and sleeps solidly for 13 hours. She does usually come into our room in the middle of the night and sleep in the toddler bed we have for her there, but we often don't even know she has come through until morning she does it so quietly.

I consider her a great sleeper now and I credit the cosleeping.


----------



## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

My two have coslept since birth. My first was terrible for night waking, but sleeps through the night now at 3 years old. My second is 16 months old and I can count on one hand the number of times since birth we've had to wake up in the middle of the night to deal with him.







: I think it's all about the child and his/her temperament.


----------



## Equuskia (Dec 16, 2006)

Also remember that there is bedsharing, which is a form of co sleeping, and co sleeping in general, which isn't only limited to bedsharing. Bed sharing is....sharing the bed







Cosleeping can include a cradle or crib in the room, a crib sidecarred to the bed or one of those "arm's reach" beds. There are some babies that are too simulated when sleeping next to mom, and need their own surface, but I firmly believe (and the AAP even says so, surprisingly enough), that infants should sleep in the same room as their parents.


----------



## MommaSuzi (Jan 9, 2006)

we Bed-shared with our DD from birth, and I remember at around 16-18 months having many nights where she was awake to nurse 8-10 times a night. I did end up encouraging use of a Binky at night while we snuggled because I work full time out of the house and was simply too exhausted. But we did continue with bed-sharing and she gradually got much better about sleeping through the night. Now, at 3.5, she sleeps in her own room at the beginning of the night. A few nights a week she quietly comes and joins me in bed but other nights we don't hear a peep from her until it's time to get up in the morning. So not sleeping well at 9 or 18 months doesn't necessarily equate to being a "poor sleeper" later on


----------



## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

I agree that each kid is different. I don't think crappy sleeping is caused by cosleeping, although some kids do better in their own space. I think parents of crappy sleepers are more likely to share a bed with their kids, out of desperation for sleep, though, so that probably skews things!









We coslept with DD from birth, and she was a horrible sleeper (we couldn't lay her down to sleep without us even when we tried, until she was a toddler). However, she became a much better sleeper around age 2.5, and now at age 4, she has been sleeping in her own bed for a couple months (her idea), with no problems. She is a pretty awesome sleeper these days.

DS, 6 mos, starts out in his own crib in our room, and then stays in bed by me after he night-feeds. He is generally a much better sleeper than DD was at this age (he only wakes 2-3 times to nurse, rather than constant nursing), but I think this is due to his being a lower-needs baby than she was, not because he co-sleeps less than she did.


----------



## Just1More (Jun 19, 2008)

We co-sleep, and my kids sleep great. we went through rough-patches, though.

As far as waking up a lot, with my dd around 18-20 months, I slowly night-weaned her and that helped A LOT. Turned out, she wasn't waking up to nurse because she was hungry. She told me she was thirsty! So, I started taking a sippy cup to bed with us and she stopped needing me near so much.


----------



## bettyjones (Mar 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beingmommy* 
I think it is definitely a personality thing. HOWEVER, I wish I could find a book about co-sleeping written by someone who had a bad sleeper! .

Try the no cry sleep solution


----------



## BunniMummi (Jan 28, 2005)

Another one checking in with 1 bad and 1 good sleeper. We ended up co-sleeping with DS1 not because it was some parenting choice we made ahead of time. It was just the only way anyone got any sleep, from night 1 (fortunately in Norway cosleeping is ok in the hospital so long as you aren't medicated or super exhausted after birth). DS2 has had all the same opportunities to co-sleep than DS1 did but generally sleeps through the night in his own bed by choice and has almost since he had the option from around 1-1.5 I think. Meanwhine I can count on one hand the number of times a month that DS1 wakes up in his own bed at anything I would call "morning". He hated sleeping with a passion, screamed in cars, screamed in the carriage, dropped naps as soon as possible.

I knew from birth that DS2 was a different kind of sleeper, because all the mainstream advice I had heard with DS1 suddenly made sense. When all I had was DS1 I just thought everyone was off their rocker when they said things like "Put him down while he is still slightly awake". I've made no particular attempt to make DS2 a more independant sleeper, if anything he has convinced me that for however much influence I have over their development a lot of it is just luck of the draw with their temperments.


----------



## mambera (Sep 29, 2009)

A search for 'cosleeping' on PubMed brings up lots of articles saying that cosleeping children have more sleep problems.

However I suspect that that may be because Western parents often plan to use a crib and then go to cosleeping as sort of a forced run if they have a 'problem sleeper.'

I found a couple of cross-cultural studies from places where cosleeping is more prevalent (eg Japan) and in those places, cosleeping was *not* associated with sleep difficulties; moreover, the groups of kids that were 'problem sleepers' still had fewer night wakings than the Western 'problem sleepers.'


----------



## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

ITA that it depends on the child themselves.

Mine didn't start sleeping through the night until around the time we started co-sleeping. Not sure if it was something magical that happened around the time he turned two, because ex moved out or because of the co-sleeping (too many variables happened at once), but I haven't had a problem with him sleeping through the night for the past 3 years and we still co-sleep.

OTOH, I have three little sisters (7, 6, 4) who all have different sleep patterns even though they were all raised on the "at 1 you're in your own room" principle. One is a wonderful independant sleeper, one is a "won't go down till midnight", and one is a "get in the bed with mom/dad in the middle of the night" girl. The only major variable in their house is that they moved two streets over once...other than that their life has been unchanged.








I dunno. I think, if you have a crappy sleeper then you change individual variables until you get the result that works for their particular sleep rhythm. Sometimes that means co-sleeping works, sometimes that means everyone needs their own bed.


----------



## coraljean (Apr 29, 2009)

_


----------



## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Not ime.


----------



## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

My three are all excellent sleepers...

We don't own a crib and we have never thought babies should not be with their parents so there has never been any stress about sleep... I firmly believe that that in itself helps make a good sleeper...


----------



## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

We've co-slept from day one and Lina's a great sleeper. If we didn't co-sleep I'd think she was a lousy sleeper since she sleep-nurses a large portion of the night, but since I don't have to lose any sleep over it, I don't care.


----------



## CheriK (Mar 18, 2003)

I think sleep is a myth









Seriously, look at the # of books on infant/toddler/child sleep the next time you're at amazon.com or your local bookstore. If most children slept well most of the time, then those books wouldn't be there. And the majority of our society ain't cosleeping.

I do think that mainstream parents don't talk about their children's sleep problems as much, maybe because they think that they're supposed to have "trained" their child to sleep already. I also think that parents who believe in early sleep independence have trained themselves to ignore waking/noise that we would react to pretty quickly.

I think it's normal for babies to sleep next to mom and to wake frequently to eat. It's probably normal well into toddlerhood. Folks like James McKenna show research that supports this.

I think as children get older, it's personality and genetics as much as anything else. We've coslept with all our children since birth. We currently have a family bedroom with a king and a twin pushed together. DD#1 "gets" the twin to herself because she's in non-stop motion, even while asleep (one of those kicking perpendicular sleepers some others have). But she's never awake while flailing around and talking aloud. DD#1, DS, and DH are all night owls. But getting them up before 8 am - ugh! DD#2 and I would happily be in bed at 8 and up at dawn. DS and I are both lousy sleepers. It takes us forever to fall asleep, we wake frequently, we get insomnia. But DS is like a log when actually asleep. DD and DH fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

DH and I both slept in cribs. DH was sleep trained from an early age. I was welcomed in my parents bed when I needed an adult at night. He and I have very different sleep patterns. But we've DONE the same for all our children. . .and some of them are like one of us, some like the other.


----------

