# Military Moms: May - June



## ~Katie~

Welcome to March and welcome to the newcomers!

I'm Katie, wife to Andrew who is an officer in the Army. We're at Fort Bragg until next year. We're originally from upstate NY. This is our last full month of deployment!


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## gagin37

subbing

we found out we should be here until June of next year, so that gives us a little more time than we thought originally. Apparently dh is staying right up until the base closes. He's also got a TDY coming up in May, for a month. He's been at home for nearly two years, so this will be a new experience for me and Robbie. BUT I think we've decided to go ahead and jump on the TTC wagon in April. Robbie was an oops pregnancy, so it's sorta exciting and different to plan this time around. Dh has already started talking about names!


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## MovingMomma

subbing!

We're contemplating having MIL move in w/us. Does anyone know/know where I can find info on whether she would qualify for dependent benefits?


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
subbing!

We're contemplating having MIL move in w/us. Does anyone know/know where I can find info on whether she would qualify for dependent benefits?

I have no idea where you can get that info, but my husband's grandma was a dependent of my FIL's for years and she lived with them, so I know it can be done.

Subbing to the new thread. We are 5 months into our deployment now. 3 months till R&R. I cannot believe it's March already!!


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## MarineWife

Subbing

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
We're contemplating having MIL move in w/us. Does anyone know/know where I can find info on whether she would qualify for dependent benefits?

I can't remember where you'd get that info. It can be done, though, because we looked into it for my father after my stepmom died. He refuses.

For us, money is really tight right now since we're having to pay for 2 households. Every budget I've figured out ends up being wrong and we end up short every month. What a PITA!


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## Sarah W

I'd go to JAG as well as DEERs. They can point you in the right direction. It can be done, but you have to prove that you provide for the majority of the person's needs. A GF of mine has had her mother as a dependent for the last 5 years or so. She just had to show that her mother didn't work and she provided her housing and food.


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## appifanie

Ft. Bragg here too! Sadly displaced New Englander. Probably here until 2016 or 2019, I forget which


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## LeslieB

Subbing!
At Fort Bragg, too! We should have an outdoor Fort Bragg playdate soon since we're starting to get some warm days here.

I'm Leslie. My dh has been AD Army for over 6 years. Only one year left until he gets out. His plan is to join the Reserves after that and reclass to a different MOS. I'm a SAHM for now, but I'm looking to rejoin the workforce after dh gets off active duty. We have one 4-year old son.


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## madis81

Hi there! It looks like I'l be joining you all soon. My DH is pursuing a military career. I'm not sure what he plans on doing, but he is looking at the Navy or Army. So, what is military life with kids like? Any info, the good and the bad, that you can give me would be appreciated!


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## madis81

And I am subbing!


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## robynlee97

Brand new to mothering, highly experienced in the military and subbing!

My hubby is an AF officer. We're currently "vacationing" in Newport, RI while he is at the Naval War College. Headed to Germany in June!


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## robynlee97

When I said brand new to mothering... I meant the forum! I have a six year old and a three year old!


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## ~Katie~

Welcome to you both!

Military life with kids is interesting. A lot of it depends on your outlook and coping skills. In can be difficult, you often play the role of both parents a lot of the time in the physical sense. You wear many different hats. As far as children are concerned, I think they can develop a lot of resilience and independence due to the uniqueness of the experience. They can learn to adapt quickly to change, not all do, but I think many can. As my DH puts it as a former Army brat, kids in the military are either really outgoing or they don't adapt well at all. You have the opportunity to move often, so new experiences are a plus. It really can go several different ways, not all of them good, but for us through the good and the bad I think we've learned to appreciate the small things and the importance of a close bond and togetherness.


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## MarineWife

I think the most important thing in the military life is to be flexible. Things can change in a moment and many times you have no choice or control so you have to accept it.

Have you all seen the Amber Alert for the Ft Bragg area? I think that's where it was. I couldn't hear the entire message.


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## ~Katie~

I couldn't hear it either, it cut out in the middle. Thanks for reminding me, I'll see what I can find online.


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## ~Katie~

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/7163775/

This was my old neighborhood







I hope the poor girl is found quickly.


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## MarineWife

Well, at least for now, they don't think the girl is in danger. It's scary to think those women could get on and off the base to take the girl.


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## ~Katie~

Getting on is very easy, I'm sure the dad didn't have reason to suspect they'd do something like that. All they have to do is show ID and have their car inspected. Hammond Hills is pretty close to several gates off post, and it really depends on who the witnesses called and how fast it got through to the correct people. I think we live under the veil of security but in reality we have just as much crime as anybody else, if not more. I do hope they find her quickly and that she is safe


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## MarineWife

You don't have to have a military sponsor and get a day pass to drive on base? You do here.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
You don't have to have a military sponsor and get a day pass to drive on base? You do here.

Nope, just have to have ID. I think there are 4 or 5 gates that you can go through as long as you have ID.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Nope, just have to have ID. I think there are 4 or 5 gates that you can go through as long as you have ID.

Civilian or military ID? Now that you mention it, I remember thinking the security at the gate on the Army base in HI was less strict than at the Marine Corps base. All the Marine Corps bases I've been to require either a military ID or a military sponsor to get on base.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Civilian or military ID? Now that you mention it, I remember thinking the security at the gate on the Army base in HI was less strict than at the Marine Corps base. All the Marine Corps bases I've been to require either a military ID or a military sponsor to get on base.

Just a civilian ID and quick car inspection, they just have a different lane for them than those who have military ID and DoD stickers.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Just a civilian ID and quick car inspection, they just have a different lane for them than those who have military ID and DoD stickers.

Oh, hm. Why would a non-military person want to come on the base if not to see a specific person? We have a beach here that they might like to visit but they still need a military sponsor to get there.


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## gagin37

i have a non military friend who likes to use the walking track on base and take her kids to the playground. her hubby is a civilian who works on base though, so that may be part of the draw for them. *shrug*


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## MarineWife

Yeah, I think if you are a civilian who works on base your family would have more access. My neighbor's dh works on base so they can shop at the Commissary and such. It's just scary that some random person could get on the base for no particular reason. I do think military bases should be more safe than the public communities.


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## ~Katie~

Fort Bragg is pretty big, I'm sure there are many reasons why people go on post. You're right that it should be safer, unfortunate that things like this happen.


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## MovingMomma

That's odd...when I went on Ft. Lewis in a vehicle w/out stickers, but w/military ID, a couple of years ago I had to get a temporary pass before going through the gate. I wonder if it's different b/c that was a few years ago or if each army base has different standards. Every USMC base I've ever been on has required an ID and stickers or a temporary pass.


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## ~Katie~

They may actually issue a temporary day pass, I don't really know what they do exactly but I do know all they require is an ID and quick car inspection. The whole things takes a minute or two and then they're on to the next car.


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## MovingMomma

No, I mean the temp pass where you have to go in w/insurance, registration, and military ID...usually w/a long line!


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## FiveLittleMonkeys

It's very fast here in HI, too. Show your ID (military OR civilian), get waved through. There have been times I've left my purse by accident, had NO ID whatsoever, and been let on post, no questions asked. It's scary how lax security has gotten.

Oh, I suppose an intro would be nice - I'm Jen, wife to an Army officer, currently deployed. I'm in Hawaii with my 5 kiddos.


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## ~Katie~

DH and I were talking about this last night and really couldn't come up with any plausible reasons why there aren't tighter restrictions. Even people whose spouse is a civilian and works on post have special stickers on their cars. I'm sure this is a question presented a lot by people, obviously this is a security issue so you'd think they'd put more thought into it.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
DH and I were talking about this last night and really couldn't come up with any plausible reasons why there aren't tighter restrictions. Even people whose spouse is a civilian and works on post have special stickers on their cars. I'm sure this is a question presented a lot by people, obviously this is a security issue so you'd think they'd put more thought into it.

Yeah, that's why I was wondering why a civilian without military business would even be going on base. Seems they really should do something about that. What's the point in having a military base with a gate and all if it's not restricted?

In HI all the beaches are supposed to be public so, technically, anyone is supposed to have access to the beaches on K Bay even without a military sponsor. Going to the beach at K Bay to surf is a valid reason for a civilian to want access, though. I'm not sure if they actually followed that law, though. I remember discussing it with some people while we were there and there was disagreement about whether or not you could get on the base without a sponsor.


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## madis81

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 







Welcome to you both!

Military life with kids is interesting. A lot of it depends on your outlook and coping skills. In can be difficult, you often play the role of both parents a lot of the time in the physical sense. You wear many different hats. As far as children are concerned, I think they can develop a lot of resilience and independence due to the uniqueness of the experience. They can learn to adapt quickly to change, not all do, but I think many can. As my DH puts it as a former Army brat, kids in the military are either really outgoing or they don't adapt well at all. You have the opportunity to move often, so new experiences are a plus. It really can go several different ways, not all of them good, but for us through the good and the bad I think we've learned to appreciate the small things and the importance of a close bond and togetherness.


Quote:

I think the most important thing in the military life is to be flexible. Things can change in a moment and many times you have no choice or control so you have to accept it.
Thanks for the insight! My youngest is pretty resilient, while my oldest doesn't do change well, though, DC has gotten way better and is much more flexible and loves to travel and visit new places now. My biggest concern is not knowing how me or my DC would react with him when he firsts leaves for boot camp/school or his first deployment. I guess it's time to start coming up with ideas to help my DC cope.

So, what are the things you like about military life?


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## MarineWife

Each one of my kids behaves differently when dh comes and goes. We all go through a 2 week adjustment period at the beginning and end of each absence. Then we usually hit a stride where everything goes relatively smoothly as long as I can keep myself going. It's important to keep in mind that any odd or difficult behavior is most likely a result of Dad being gone rather than just defiance or being bad.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madis81* 
So, what are the things you like about military life?

I like that I don't have to work outside the home. I can stay home with my LOs. I like that we get to see/live in places we might not otherwise. I seriously doubt I ever would've lived in Hawaii (very unlikely I would've even visited) if my dh weren't in the military. We haven't been to a foreign country yet because I don't want to go while my kids are still so young but it's something to look forward to in the future.


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## ~Katie~

Short separations are good practice. Work on getting yourselves into a routine (more strict than MDC standards, at least at my house). That seems to help kids adjust much more easily and makes life easier. Getting out of the house and keeping busy is crucial. You will find what works for you









What do I like about military life? It's really hard for me to weigh the costs and benefits. At this juncture I would be selfish if I said the benefits don't outweigh the costs because so many people are out of work and can't provide for their families. The sense of community is nice, I like traveling and visiting new places. Job security is good, and the benefits are good, like having housing and healthcare.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 

*I like that I don't have to work outside the home. I can stay home with my LOs*. I like that we get to see/live in places we might not otherwise. I seriously doubt I ever would've lived in Hawaii (very unlikely I would've even visited) if my dh weren't in the military. We haven't been to a foreign country yet because I don't want to go while my kids are still so young but it's something to look forward to in the future.

Oh yeah, this too for sure.


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## MarineWife

I remembered the other thing I like about military life. I like the sense of accomplishment (that's not quite the right word but I can't think of another atm) it gives my dh. He truly feels that he is doing something important, making a difference for the better in the world.


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## PhilsBabyMama

MarineWife said:


> Yeah, that's why I was wondering why a civilian without military business would even be going on base. Seems they really should do something about that. What's the point in having a military base with a gate and all if it's not restricted?
> 
> Before Phil and I were married I was able to get on post easily. I would just go to the visitors desk say "I'm going to see a friend" (didn't even have to give a name but did have to say what building) and show them vehicle registration, insurance and my driver's license. Food delivery people come on post all the time, too. I guess it's a bit safer since you at least have to give your name/vehicle info, but that stuff could be fairly easily faked, I'd imagine.


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## ~Katie~

It's even worse where I live, it's military housing but not on Fort Bragg. All you have to do is flash any ID when you come through, no car inspection or anything. At least for part of the day no one is even at the gate, cars just drive through. Last year or the year before there were several attempted kidnappings, don't think they ever caught who did it.


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## MarineWife

Wow! Although, I can understand not requiring a sponsor to go to the housing if the housing isn't on the actual base. It's not their job to protect families. I just think they'd do more to protect military buildings and equipment so that, if the housing is contained on the base, it would have restricted access, too.

I remembered the word I was thinking of for how my dh feels about his work; fulfillment.


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## ~Katie~

That would make sense if we actually had a say in moving here. But we didn't, because they moved enlisted families into our housing. So it was either move, stay until they force us out and lose out on getting to pick our house, or move off post and pay for the move ourselves. So really, why even have a gate at all if they're not going to do their jobs.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
That would make sense if we actually had a say in moving here. But we didn't, because they moved enlisted families into our housing. So it was either move, stay until they force us out and lose out on getting to pick our house, or move off post and pay for the move ourselves. So really, why even have a gate at all if they're not going to do their jobs.

Yeah, that's true. Silly to have a gate. I think the new military housing at Pearl Harbor is completely open, no gates at all. They wouldn't pay for you to move off-base since they were forcing you to move? That's crappy!


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## appifanie

Re: the Amber Alert for Fort Bragg - the mom has the daughter in SC - she contacted police - she has papers that say she has custody, dad has papers that says he has custody. They're working on it.


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## LeslieB

Fort Bragg is the most open Army base I've ever been on. I'm truly surprised by it. There are always strange people driving around housing. I really think you should have to get a visitor's pass to get on post, just like all the other bases I've been on.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
Re: the Amber Alert for Fort Bragg - the mom has the daughter in SC - she contacted police - she has papers that say she has custody, dad has papers that says he has custody. They're working on it.

Thanks for the update. I've been meaning to check but hadn't gotten around to it.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
Fort Bragg is the most open Army base I've ever been on. I'm truly surprised by it. There are always strange people driving around housing. I really think you should have to get a visitor's pass to get on post, just like all the other bases I've been on.

Which would explain why my house and car were broken into and my neighborhood was repeatedly vandalized (though that was probably kids), there are so many sketchy people coming and going. It seemed like whenever we had movers in the area the crime went up, too.


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## MarineWife

We've had some incidents in my neighborhood, not military housing. Just last week some boys came running to my house. One actually opened the door and took a few steps in before stepping back out. When I went to see what was going on the boys said someone had yelled the N word at them and was chasing them. They were terrified. I saw the van pull into the driveway two houses down, turn around and drive slowly past my house. There was a teenage/young adult girl and a guy driving. The girl was laughing and the guy was staring me down. That was pretty scary. My oldest son said he and his best friend saw a white van following kids getting off a school bus a couple of times. Our house was broken into while we were in Connecticut. Luckily, we have an alarm so I don't think they even came in the house.


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## ~Katie~

Ugh, I hate criminals.

Quick Tricare question - I have an eye appointment tomorrow, I know that my glasses exam is covered and my contacts are not, but what about my glasses? And the lenses, themselves, can I get the anti-scratch type and have those be covered? I can't remember from the last time I went.


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## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Ugh, I hate criminals.

Quick Tricare question - I have an eye appointment tomorrow, I know that my glasses exam is covered and my contacts are not, but what about my glasses? And the lenses, themselves, can I get the anti-scratch type and have those be covered? I can't remember from the last time I went.

not covered. i got my last glasses at visionworks next to b&n and old navy. there's this super nice girl named kayla who works there and they had coupons on their website (http://www.visionworkseyewear.com/) and i got 2 pairs of glasses for $170, but no anti-reflective on them. i only wanted 1 pair but because of the kind of lenses i needed and whatnot, it was cheaper to get 2. go figure.


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## ~Katie~

Hmm, I will definitely check that out then. I've been going to lense crafters but it's crazy expensive. How much do their lenses typically cost?


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## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Hmm, I will definitely check that out then. I've been going to lense crafters but it's crazy expensive. How much do their lenses typically cost?

my last pair was $300-something i think - it was 2005 or so - i'm fuzzy on the details


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## ~Katie~

At lense crafters or the vision works place? My glasses at lense crafters are typically well over $300 and that doesn't include my contacts. If I can find a cheaper place that's quick and good quality that would be great. I didn't end up going today because my child care fell through (big surprise) but I'm going to check out the other place you mentioned next week.


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## mmeehs17

AF here, moving from Boston to Lewis McChord this August. Any recommends on where to live or to NOT live? We have a 5 year old son who will be starting Kindergarten. I looked at one school online that looked like class was only 2 days a week?! Is this normal. I hope not, as this past year he's been in full-day preschool (7-5) because I went back to work. He LOVES and needs it. Any input?


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## ~adorkable~

hi ladies, thanks for the new thread, so cool KatieJD that your dh will be home soon!!

the chat about base access is amazing, the rules really differ between bases.

at Lewis Mchord everyone in the car needs ID the driver needs DOD ID and the car needs stickers or a pass that you get at the visitors center.
anyone without DOD ID needs a pass and they have to have a sponsor present or at time they have allowed you to call a land line number on post to confirm where you are going.

the reason they have gates even if they have lax requirements is so they can make secure at a moments notice if something happens.

oh and you get glasses or eye exams covered by tricare?????

mmeehs17, i will write to your question when i'm not soooo very tired. what kind of area do you like? city or rural?


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## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
At lense crafters or the vision works place? My glasses at lense crafters are typically well over $300 and that doesn't include my contacts. If I can find a cheaper place that's quick and good quality that would be great. I didn't end up going today because my child care fell through (big surprise) but I'm going to check out the other place you mentioned next week.

the expensive ones were from lens crafters - i'd never been to a visionworks before. also, visionworks sells my contacts (acuvue oasys) for only $1 more a box than 1 800 contacts, so i'll buy those there too.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
the reason they have gates even if they have lax requirements is so they can make secure at a moments notice if something happens.

You'd think except that didn't happen when that girl was kidnapped. Depending on how things are set up, someone could easily get out of the gate before the MPs were notified of anything and locked the base down. Mainside Camp LeJeune, maybe not because the entrances/gates are so far away from everything else on base. However, in the separate housing areas it doesn't take long to get to and out of the gate.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmeehs17* 
AF here, moving from Boston to Lewis McChord this August. Any recommends on where to live or to NOT live? We have a 5 year old son who will be starting Kindergarten. I looked at one school online that looked like class was only 2 days a week?! Is this normal. I hope not, as this past year he's been in full-day preschool (7-5) because I went back to work. He LOVES and needs it. Any input?

Hi! We're at Lewis. School is 5 days a week here, just like most other places. I can tell you where I'd like to live if I had to move off post, but it might not be somewhere you'd like to live. Everyone has different preferences. If we ever have to most off post, we'd move to Dupont so my husband would be close to work and could maybe avoid some of the awful traffic around the bases in the morning and evenings. Some people don't like Dupont because the houses are right on top of each other (just like living on base!) and the prices are a bit higher.


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## gagin37

In case any of the other Ft.Bragg mamas are interested in coming, there is a NEW MEETING LOCATION this month at the Throckmorton Library- which is on Randolph behind the Watters Family Life Center, near the corner of Knox and Randolph. 10-11:30, Tuesday the 9th.


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## sarahb918

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Oh, hm. Why would a non-military person want to come on the base if not to see a specific person? We have a beach here that they might like to visit but they still need a military sponsor to get there.

Honestly, I think that's the way it should be. I hate sounding like a snob, but there is no reason that non-military dependent civilians need to be on military bases unless they are employees of the base. What's the point of having bases and base security if just anybody is allowed to walk on and off of them?

Though I do believe I read somewhere that there are civilians living on Quantico because the base was built around the town.....


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sarahb918* 
Though I do believe I read somewhere that there are civilians living on Quantico because the base was built around the town.....

Fort Bragg is kind of tricky like that as well. And could have something to do with why civilians are allowed on post. The way it's situated it basically sits smack dab between several different towns and makes driving to and from a total PITA. So to somewhat remedy this, they've made it so people can drive through Fort Bragg but aren't actually allowed to make turns onto post itself. I could see if someone is driving from one location to another why it would be easier to cut through post, because I've done it several times myself to save time. I'm not sure why that didn't occur to me until now.


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## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
In case any of the other Ft.Bragg mamas are interested in coming, there is a NEW MEETING LOCATION this month at the Throckmorton Library- which is on Randolph behind the Watters Family Life Center, near the corner of Knox and Randolph. 10-11:30, Tuesday the 9th.

aww! after weeks of hassles, i finally got the kid some time at hourly day care, and she's there 8-10 on tues.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sarahb918* 
Though I do believe I read somewhere that there are civilians living on Quantico because the base was built around the town.....

Hm...I did not know that.

There's a road that goes through Camp Lejeune that connects Jacksonville with Snead's Ferry (I think). Civilians used to be able to use that road because it's a major short cut. They can't anymore so they have to drive around, which doubles the time. I can understand allowing that to a certain extent. That road doesn't go near any housing or the commissary but I think it goes past a few restricted military buildings.


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## madis81

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my questions. Now, I think my biggest thing will be learning to cope with him gone! I know I can help my kids cope, but helping myself is sometimes a problem. Maybe I should pick up a few hobbies to help pass time.

One more question: Is there anything that you wish someone would have told about military life?


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madis81* 
Thanks for taking the time to respond to my questions. Now, I think my biggest thing will be learning to cope with him gone! I know I can help my kids cope, but helping myself is sometimes a problem. Maybe I should pick up a few hobbies to help pass time.

One more question: Is there anything that you wish someone would have told about military life?

Nope. I haven't been hit with anything I wasn't aware of.

Hobbies are good. Friends can be helpful. If you are a people person, you can get involved in the various spouse's groups. They do everything from volunteer work to kids activities/playgroups to just social get-togethers. I don't know the names of the Army and Navy programs (if they have them) but it can be helpful to take the seminars set up to help introduce dependents to military life. The Marine Corps has L.I.N.K.S. Everyone I know who's taken that one said it was very helpful and they usually take a refresher every few years. There's also Key Volunteers (again Marine Corps). That's training for dependents who want to be more involved in unit activity. They are usually the liaisons between the unit command and the families unless that's changed.


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## grcelizabeth

YAY! I finally found the military forum here, by chance actually. DH is enlisting, hopefully depending on passing ASVAB, and we're pretty excited about it. We've been toying with the idea for 1 1/2-2yrs., doing tons and tons of research and talking with people. We have 3 little kids, I'm a Student Midwife, and stay at home mom. It will be interesting to know where he'll be stationed and whether I'll be able to find a preceptor there or if the state is legal. Dh is shooting for correctional specialist, or maybe MP, so we're limited to where we can go if he gets CS.

P.S. Katie, I think I've seen you on Diaperswappers.


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## ~Katie~

Welcome, Grace! My screen name is similar on there, I haven't been on in a million years but used to post often, mostly in the breastfeeding forum.

Coping - I think the best advice I can give is use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and all your wonderful strengths, it's not a matter of getting over it but learning to cope with it. Definitely find some hobbies and even getting into fitness can be a big boost. It can be somewhat easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry about your situation and getting depressed and blaming your spouse and everything else, so if you can find other things to focus on that will help a lot. We have the FRG in the Army, and while some people have found it helpful I haven't really utilized mine or felt it was very helpful to me. Still, I've found the biggest support amongst my neighbors. Military families know better than anyone else what you're going through.


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## grcelizabeth

I don't remember a screen name, but your avatar picture is of you breastfeeding and I love your tattoo. I just recognized the similarity because your siggy says Katie and you have posted quite a bit in military forum for homebirth and not vaccinating stuff. I have been looking at all the AP/homebirthing/no vaccinating/extended BF stuff involving military and have had a hard time coming across anyone in this same parenting style. Can you tell I've done all kinds of research?!







lol.

What kind of activities are there for families? Are there just playgroups or other organized events, ect? We are very friendly/social people and I want the kids to be able to make friends and not be stuck at home, and we do not want drama in our lives. We get enough drama from the kids. lol









Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Welcome, Grace! My screen name is similar on there, I haven't been on in a million years but used to post often, mostly in the breastfeeding forum.

Coping - I think the best advice I can give is use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and all your wonderful strengths, it's not a matter of getting over it but learning to cope with it. Definitely find some hobbies and even getting into fitness can be a big boost. It can be somewhat easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry about your situation and getting depressed and blaming your spouse and everything else, so if you can find other things to focus on that will help a lot. We have the FRG in the Army, and while some people have found it helpful I haven't really utilized mine or felt it was very helpful to me. Still, I've found the biggest support amongst my neighbors. Military families know better than anyone else what you're going through.


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## ~Katie~

I don't think that's me, my avatar is of my DS in a hooded dinosaur towel









It's good to do research







MDC is a really great resource for finding families in your area, and through our military group there are lots of ladies all over the place that I'm sure would be happy to meet up should you end up in their location. FYT is also a good resource. If you live in military housing, there will be a lot of resources nearby most likely. For us, we have a pool and a community center with different things. They're always hosting different events every month. There are lots of playgrounds for kids and parents to interact. You can usually find museums and libraries with different events.


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## Alohamelly

Does anyone know where I can find or know of a midwife in the New Orleans area that's covered by Tricare?


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## ~Katie~

You can either do a search for providers on the tricare website, or try calling local midwives and ask them if they take tricare. Also try calling hospitals and asking for contact info.


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## grcelizabeth

Oh, that's funny. Nevermind. I guess it's a different Katie.







Thanks for the input. We'll have to find ways of interacting once everything passes thru. It will be quite some time, so I'm not worried.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I don't think that's me, my avatar is of my DS in a hooded dinosaur towel









It's good to do research







MDC is a really great resource for finding families in your area, and through our military group there are lots of ladies all over the place that I'm sure would be happy to meet up should you end up in their location. FYT is also a good resource. If you live in military housing, there will be a lot of resources nearby most likely. For us, we have a pool and a community center with different things. They're always hosting different events every month. There are lots of playgrounds for kids and parents to interact. You can usually find museums and libraries with different events.


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## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
You can either do a search for providers on the tricare website, or try calling local midwives and ask them if they take tricare. Also try calling hospitals and asking for contact info.


I would honestly call local midwives first. The website doesn't always have accurate info. Perfect example, I though I would need to change ob/gyn's when DH went active duty and we switched to Tricare-- bummed me out, because I loved the one I had! She wasn't listed on the website in any form, but her practice took Tricare all the time!


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
In HI all the beaches are supposed to be public so, technically, anyone is supposed to have access to the beaches on K Bay even without a military sponsor. Going to the beach at K Bay to surf is a valid reason for a civilian to want access, though. I'm not sure if they actually followed that law, though. I remember discussing it with some people while we were there and there was disagreement about whether or not you could get on the base without a sponsor.

They've changed the rules about 10 times in the last twenty years so most civilians I know don't know anymore that they can go to the front gate and get surf passes. That being said people also have to have a "legal" car which is not always the case in this economy...









Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Yeah, that's why I was wondering why a civilian without military business would even be going on base. Seems they really should do something about that. What's the point in having a military base with a gate and all if it's not restricted?
Food delivery people come on post all the time, too. I guess it's a bit safer since you at least have to give your name/vehicle info, but that stuff could be fairly easily faked, I'd imagine.









Food Delivery People have their car checked out when they get the job and have a special pass for that though the company, although I do think that that is a weakness in the system. Often it's a military guy's 2nd job delivering Pizza, shows how well we pay some days









The point is that the American people "own" that base and restricting access to large swaths of land that include a whole lot more than the buildings, etc. is discriminatory. Why wouldn't we allow people who are 1. Americans and 2. live HERE access to hiking trails, roads, etc. that their tax dollars paid for? Not shopping at the commissary as that's a job benefit, but driving on a road that cuts off 50% of driving time - I'd be pissed if I could not go through a base as an American. Most bases have secondary gated ares for high-risk areas with ammo, ts, etc. so I don't see the big deal of drive-through access.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sarahb918* 
Honestly, I think that's the way it should be. I hate sounding like a snob, but there is no reason that non-military dependent civilians need to be on military bases unless they are employees of the base. What's the point of having bases and base security if just anybody is allowed to walk on and off of them?

Though I do believe I read somewhere that there are civilians living on Quantico because the base was built around the town.....

Base security is just like the cops, they provide security. Excluding access to base for non-military families rejects the point that every tax-paying voting American is "our" boss there. I think holing away on base behind gates creates the sense of "other" that causes many communities to have difficulty with military families and if we stopped the exclusionary behavior as an institution we'd have much more positive community relations.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grcelizabeth* 
I'm a Student Midwife

Do you have good childcare help? Because the military is notorious for making your husband's availability unreliable, and the military will always insist that his job comes first. There is no him going in late to work because you are at a birth sort of thing with military jobs, flexibility is not their strong suit.

As you can probably tell from my sour attitude, DH left on his 7 month deployment. Ah, joy, DD started it off with two deeply skinned knees. Poor thing, it seems we always have a cold or owie to start deployment times


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## madis81

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Nope. I haven't been hit with anything I wasn't aware of.

Hobbies are good. Friends can be helpful. If you are a people person, you can get involved in the various spouse's groups. They do everything from volunteer work to kids activities/playgroups to just social get-togethers. I don't know the names of the Army and Navy programs (if they have them) but it can be helpful to take the seminars set up to help introduce dependents to military life. The Marine Corps has L.I.N.K.S. Everyone I know who's taken that one said it was very helpful and they usually take a refresher every few years. There's also Key Volunteers (again Marine Corps). That's training for dependents who want to be more involved in unit activity. They are usually the liaisons between the unit command and the families unless that's changed.

Thanks for the helpful insight!

Quote:

YAY! I finally found the military forum here, by chance actually. DH is enlisting, hopefully depending on passing ASVAB, and we're pretty excited about it. We've been toying with the idea for 1 1/2-2yrs., doing tons and tons of research and talking with people. We have 3 little kids, I'm a Student Midwife, and stay at home mom. It will be interesting to know where he'll be stationed and whether I'll be able to find a preceptor there or if the state is legal. Dh is shooting for correctional specialist, or maybe MP, so we're limited to where we can go if he gets CS.
grceliabeth, we're also getting reading to embark on this journey! What branch are you looking at? My DH wants to go in the Army. He has a four-year degree, so he is trying to decide whether to enlist, or put in a packet to attent OCS and hope he gets approved. We're looking at enlisting with an OCS rider (program 9d). Still learning more. Research is good! It's one of the reasons I came to this forum!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 
They've changed the rules about 10 times in the last twenty years so most civilians I know don't know anymore that they can go to the front gate and get surf passes. That being said people also have to have a "legal" car which is not always the case in this economy...









Food Delivery People have their car checked out when they get the job and have a special pass for that though the company, although I do think that that is a weakness in the system. Often it's a military guy's 2nd job delivering Pizza, shows how well we pay some days









The point is that the American people "own" that base and restricting access to large swaths of land that include a whole lot more than the buildings, etc. is discriminatory. Why wouldn't we allow people who are 1. Americans and 2. live HERE access to hiking trails, roads, etc. that their tax dollars paid for? Not shopping at the commissary as that's a job benefit, but driving on a road that cuts off 50% of driving time - I'd be pissed if I could not go through a base as an American. Most bases have secondary gated ares for high-risk areas with ammo, ts, etc. so I don't see the big deal of drive-through access.

I understand your point but I think there does need to be more security for military bases. There are all kinds of weapons (obviously) and secret military/defense info that needs to be carefully safeguarded. Giving open access to all Americans would be undoable, I think. How would you determine who's an American and who's not? You don't have to be a citizen to get a driver's license or picture ID. Would everyone have to start carrying around "papers"? And, even if someone is American doesn't mean they aren't hostile to the military or the government.

Granting drive-thru access isn't necessary if there are other routes. The problem with granting drive-through access is that once someone is on base they can theoretically go anywhere. It's not like each and every car and person is escorted by a MP. We are all limited in how we get from one place to another, whether it's by blocked access to certain routes or just because of the way roads are laid out. With the argument that every American should have access to government facilities because we pay for them with taxes would mean any American should be to just roam around the White House or the FBI building or the Pentagon whenever. That's not practical.

I also think it's important to check the safety and legality of cars going on the base. Showing proof of current registration and insurance isn't that difficult. If someone doesn't have those, they shouldn't be driving the car, anyway. People can walk or ride bicycles onto base. I know that would be a bit of a pain with surfboard but I've seen people riding bikes with their surfboards a lot.


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## appifanie

Ft. Bragg moms - we went to the library but there were a lot of groups it seemed like, so I didn't know who to talk to









Anyone know what's up with the huge group of kids that was in the library? Older and they swarmed the playground after.


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## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
Ft. Bragg moms - we went to the library but there were a lot of groups it seemed like, so I didn't know who to talk to









Anyone know what's up with the huge group of kids that was in the library? Older and they swarmed the playground after.

There's a pretty large homeschool group that typically meets there on Tuesdays. I haven't seen them in awhile, but maybe they took a hiatus for winter.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
Ft. Bragg moms - we went to the library but there were a lot of groups it seemed like, so I didn't know who to talk to









Anyone know what's up with the huge group of kids that was in the library? Older and they swarmed the playground after.

we ended up meeting in a corner of the kids section. Sorry you missed us. I missed half the meeting because i was chasing my kid trying to keep him from running a muck. He's nearly impossible to control indoors in that sort of setting right now. I'm not sure if we'll keep meeting there or if we'll move back to Womack. There are like, 4 other meetings throughout the month though if you still want to make it to one. here's the schedule http://www.lllofnc.org/groups/Fayetteville.html
the only other meeting i go to sometimes is the toddler meeting and its usually really good, or at least really pertinent to my kido.


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## grcelizabeth

We were looking at Air Force, but now it's the Army. Dh has never attended college, but would like to take some classes to help his reading and spelling improve. He would be starting on the bottom of the totem pole (e-1) but if he gets the MOS he wants (Corrections Specialist) then he would probably move up rank quickly. Oh man, research! I have researched and read thru soooo many forums, websites, threads, posts of all branches, the pros/cons of MOS's, deployments, family comes 2nd, military life, moving, refunded or making money on moves, insurance, different locations, benefits for all of us, why, what, and how each branch is enlisting and not enlisting. OMG, my head was about to explode until I slowed it down a few months ago. Anyhow, good luck on your endevour.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madis81* 
Thanks for the helpful insight!
grceliabeth, we're also getting reading to embark on this journey! What branch are you looking at? My DH wants to go in the Army. He has a four-year degree, so he is trying to decide whether to enlist, or put in a packet to attent OCS and hope he gets approved. We're looking at enlisting with an OCS rider (program 9d). Still learning more. Research is good! It's one of the reasons I came to this forum!

Well, I really have no idea where they would send DH so I won't have childcare until I know what's available.







I understand he wouldn't be able to go in to work late or come home early because I need to attend a birth, I just know that I can't rely on him at all. We would be paying for childcare someway and my preceptors business would also depend on how many births per month. Or I may end up having to put my apprenticeship on hold if there's not midwife around, who knows. I'm willing to make sacrifices for DH.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maluhia* 

Do you have good childcare help? Because the military is notorious for making your husband's availability unreliable, and the military will always insist that his job comes first. There is no him going in late to work because you are at a birth sort of thing with military jobs, flexibility is not their strong suit. As you can probably tell from my sour attitude, DH left on his 7 month deployment. Ah, joy, DD started it off with two deeply skinned knees. Poor thing, it seems we always have a cold or owie to start deployment times


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## appifanie

oh it's a breastfeeding group! i'm slow







i don't need that - toddler groups i'm good with. thanks!

and the homeschoolers!! there were like 15-20 of them with one adult and they scared my kid off the playground. sigh.


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## malorie2284

Hi I'm Malorie! My husband is in the army, right now we are stationed in Schweinfurt, Germany. I have a little girl, Zuri, she is 2 and a half, I am new to mothering.com. I was wondering if anyone is in or around my area so I could meet some like minded mamas, and make friends in general, I don't have too many right now. Thanks!


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## michelleklu

My family's leaving Korea in less than a month and we are totally unprepared because we thought we had an extension coming and my husband has been working until really late at night. We haven't even painted the walls white yet.







Does anyone know where we can get boxes for moving? I wanted to pack up some stuff like my daughter's toys and my craft stuff. I want to carefully organize it myself. I remember when we were leaving Fort Lewis I packed up some of my clothes and our electronics already because we just wanted to streamline the process. I'm afraid that we're just going to have to deal with stacks of books and clothes everywhere? We're borrowing some of our furniture like the drawers and chests and want to empty and thoroughly clean them asap. This is so much harder with a child involved! I really don't want to stay but I really hate moving!







I go from stressed to exasperated and scared because I don't know anyone in Fort Drum and my husband's going to deploy within months of our arrival. Is it hard staying there with a young child? I don't really have experience driving in the snow but everything's on one base so it shouldn't be hard to get around, right? That's our only option right? We can't move to another state closer to my family because we won't have our furniture. I'm nervous and every time I think about it I freak out even more.


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## ~Katie~

Hi Malorie!

Michelle - Is there any kind of classified's where people might list moving boxes? Whenever we move I always put our boxes up for free on Craigslist and they're gone within a day but I don't know if something like that exists there for you. As far as Fort Drum, I believe there are a couple of mama's here who are either moving there or already live there and might be able to give you tips. We haven't lived in that area in quite a while so I'm not up to date on how much it has changed, the snow can be a pain during the winter but you aren't too far from activities. Good luck with your move!


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## MovingMomma

Last time we moved (granted it's been almost 7 years!), the movers didn't bear any responsibility for damaged goods in boxes that we packed ourselves. You might want to double check on that before you go to the trouble of packing your own.


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## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
oh it's a breastfeeding group! i'm slow







i don't need that - toddler groups i'm good with. thanks!

and the homeschoolers!! there were like 15-20 of them with one adult and they scared my kid off the playground. sigh.

That wasn't the homeschool group then. The homeschool group has all the mothers there with their kids. Maybe it was a class from the school across the street with the teacher.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Last time we moved (granted it's been almost 7 years!), the movers didn't bear any responsibility for damaged goods in boxes that we packed ourselves. You might want to double check on that before you go to the trouble of packing your own.









and our last move wasn't that long ago. I was also told that they'll want to open up your boxes to inventory everything in there and then repack them. You might be able to leave the boxes open so the movers can easily see what's in there. I don't know anything about FT Drum. I've never heard of it and have no idea where it is.









I did think of one thing that I wish someone had told me when my dh first joined the Marine Corps. Realistically, though, even if I had been told I probably would not have understood what it meant until I lived it, kind of like trying to get prepared for your first baby. Anyway, I wish someone had told me exactly how much he'd be gone. When we first talked about him joining the military I told him anything but the Navy because I knew how much Sailors are gone. They aren't just gone for the 6 month deployments every 1.5-2 years, which is what we were told. They're gone for work-ups and whatever else they call them for a month here and a week there. I knew the Marine Corps was a division of the Navy but I didn't make the connection in my head. My dh has been in the Marine Corps for 8 years now and he's been away from us for at least half of that time. He's really upset with this last separation about missing half of our ds2's life.

Of course, this is partly because of the wars. I don't know if the other branches have regular deployments schedules during times of peace. The Navy and the Marine Corps do. At the moment, Army and Air Force may not deploy as often but they usually deploy for longer periods. Where a Marine or Sailor may deploy for the usual 6-7 months (not including IAs that last a year), a Soldier may deploy for 15 months or more. I don't know about the Air Force but I'd guess they're about the same as the Army.


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## ~Katie~

Less than a month out!









DH has been asking around about what will happen to us next year. His unit is supposed to deploy at the exact same time his national guard unit is supposed to do _something_ with us. He thinks they might stop-move him at that time and make him stay with his unit, but I have no idea how that'd work since technically they're not in charge of anything that happens to him. It would ultimately be up to his national guard unit. Ideally, I'd like it if he could stay active duty and we could move somewhere else but we'll see.


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## ~Katie~

They'll go through and inventory anything that's packed in a box and repack it. That's what they did when we put all of our stuff in storage in NY.


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## sanssouci

Hi ladies!
I'm new to the group, but so happy to find you!
We're new to the military, my husband is currently deployed, and our son and I are awaiting his return in Hawaii.
Looking forward to finding a community here.
(ps: check freecycle for moving boxes - you can post requests - and there are always boxes posted - it's a site to prevent reusable items from ending up in the landfill)


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## appifanie

Ft. Bragg moms -

1. I desperately need a haircut. Any advice where to/where not to go? Normally I'm up for a nice $50 haircut or so, but way cheaper would be nice this time.

2. Dentist recommendations for me and the kid?

Thanks!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
Ft. Bragg moms -

1. I desperately need a haircut. Any advice where to/where not to go? Normally I'm up for a nice $50 haircut or so, but way cheaper would be nice this time.

2. Dentist recommendations for me and the kid?

Thanks!









For nice expensive cuts I've heard Suki's on Yadkin is the place to go. The couple of times I've had my hair trimmed I went to Fantastic Sam's (the one in the Hobby Lobby Shopping Center on Skibo), it was about 15 or 20 dollars, and they did a decent job.

oh, eta: I've heard awful things about Smile Starters, and good things from folks who have gone to Dental Works- which I *think* is on Morganton, across from the mall, near Bed Bath and Beyond and Ulta.


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## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
For nice expensive cuts I've heard Suki's on Yadkin is the place to go. The couple of times I've had my hair trimmed I went to Fantastic Sam's (the one in the Hobby Lobby Shopping Center on Skibo), it was about 15 or 20 dollars, and they did a decent job.

oh, eta: I've heard awful things about Smile Starters, and good things from folks who have gone to Dental Works- which I *think* is on Morganton, across from the mall, near Bed Bath and Beyond and Ulta.

thanks! also, isn't smile starters the place where they don't let parents watch the kids and they do unnecessary dental work to earn more money? if it is, those people should all be beaten and jailed. just sayin'


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## LeslieB

LOL! I think Claire knows all about my Smile Starters incident. That place is horrible. And yes, it's where they won't let you back with your kids. I'm going to try Dental Works. Everyone says it's good.
No help on the haircut. I'm growing mine out. I haven't had it cut since July in California.


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## raspberry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelleklu* 
My family's leaving Korea in less than a month and we are totally unprepared because we thought we had an extension coming and my husband has been working until really late at night. We haven't even painted the walls white yet.







Does anyone know where we can get boxes for moving? I wanted to pack up some stuff like my daughter's toys and my craft stuff. I want to carefully organize it myself. I remember when we were leaving Fort Lewis I packed up some of my clothes and our electronics already because we just wanted to streamline the process. I'm afraid that we're just going to have to deal with stacks of books and clothes everywhere? We're borrowing some of our furniture like the drawers and chests and want to empty and thoroughly clean them asap. This is so much harder with a child involved! I really don't want to stay but I really hate moving!







I go from stressed to exasperated and scared because I don't know anyone in Fort Drum and my husband's going to deploy within months of our arrival. Is it hard staying there with a young child? I don't really have experience driving in the snow but everything's on one base so it shouldn't be hard to get around, right? That's our only option right? We can't move to another state closer to my family because we won't have our furniture. I'm nervous and every time I think about it I freak out even more.

We left Drum this summer (now at Campbell). I'm not going to lie, it's pretty cold and snowy. They keep the roads extremely well plowed, it's a small base too, so getting to the commissary/px isn't a problem at all. I had no experience driving in the snow when we first moved there but I adjusted quickly. The worst part is not being able to take the kids outside to play in the winter. Good luck!


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## raspberry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
Ft. Bragg moms -

1. I desperately need a haircut. Any advice where to/where not to go? Normally I'm up for a nice $50 haircut or so, but way cheaper would be nice this time.

2. Dentist recommendations for me and the kid?

Thanks!









I'm originally from Fayetteville, I always liked going to Renaissance day spa for cuts and color, the one at Eutaw. I haven't been to the one by Harris Teeter. Joseph Catlett is a really good dentist, I don't believe he sees kids under 3 though.


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## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
LOL! I think Claire knows all about my Smile Starters incident. That place is horrible. And yes, it's where they won't let you back with your kids. I'm going to try Dental Works. Everyone says it's good.
No help on the haircut. I'm growing mine out. I haven't had it cut since July in California.

well, my experience with a vision works was okay so maybe dental works will be okay









Quote:


Originally Posted by *raspberry* 
I'm originally from Fayetteville, I always liked going to Renaissance day spa for cuts and color, the one at Eutaw. I haven't been to the one by Harris Teeter. Joseph Catlett is a really good dentist, I don't believe he sees kids under 3 though.

thanks raspberry! i need a good dentist for me too so i'll check him out.


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## ~Katie~

I just need to vent for a minute, hopefully I don't offend anybody with what I'm going to say.

I have a friend on Facebook that I've known since junior high. She's dealing with a similar situation like mine in regards to deployment. She and her husband have had a lot of strife as a result, it seems like he's the one who is always trying to mend things and make things better and she's being really immature about it. She broadcasts every dispute on Facebook for the whole world to see and I'm so embarrassed for him because of it. He came home last night and she won't even answer any of his phone calls, he's never even met his own daughter. I just feel so horrible about the whole thing and it makes me so angry. I understand that deployments are hard on families but to witness this and knowing how hard it is for my husband, I can't imagine what this guy must be feeling


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
You can either do a search for providers on the tricare website, or try calling local midwives and ask them if they take tricare. Also try calling hospitals and asking for contact info.

Thanks. I think my sister finally found someone.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I just need to vent for a minute, hopefully I don't offend anybody with what I'm going to say.

I have a friend on Facebook that I've known since junior high. She's dealing with a similar situation like mine in regards to deployment. She and her husband have had a lot of strife as a result, it seems like he's the one who is always trying to mend things and make things better and she's being really immature about it. She broadcasts every dispute on Facebook for the whole world to see and I'm so embarrassed for him because of it. He came home last night and she won't even answer any of his phone calls, he's never even met his own daughter. I just feel so horrible about the whole thing and it makes me so angry. I understand that deployments are hard on families but to witness this and knowing how hard it is for my husband, I can't imagine what this guy must be feeling










That's really sad.









I have a friend who posts stuff about her husband and it's going to be really awkward if I ever see or meet the guy! I don't think I'd ever post anything like that on FB! For one thing, I wouldn't want my in-laws to see me writing anything negative about their son!


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
That's really sad.









I have a friend who posts stuff about her husband and it's going to be really awkward if I ever see or meet the guy! I don't think I'd ever post anything like that on FB! For one thing, I wouldn't want my in-laws to see me writing anything negative about their son!









Yeah, really. I mean Facebook just doesn't seem like the appropriate place to display your marital squabbles. My brother's wife does it too and I really have to refrain myself from saying something.

If it isn't bad enough, I'm pretty sure she's engaging in what appears to at least be an emotional affair with another guy. I really don't know what's going on with her but she seems really depressed, she told me that she wishes she could go back and do everything over (as in not marry her current husband). She lives with her family now and they pretty much do all of the care-taking of her daughter. I just have a hard time grasping it.


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## MarineWife

Deployments are so hard, especially if you aren't expecting them. I don't know if your friend's dh is/was NG or Reserve, too, but their deployments can be harder on everyone than ADs. I remember reading about a lot of families losing their homes and such when their Reserve and NG members were deployed because they took big pay cuts. Obviously, if a marriage is already in trouble, a deployment can move things closer to a break-up. It's unfortunate that she has to broadcast her marital problems to everyone on FB. Maybe she doesn't have anyone to talk to about it. If I had a family member doing that, I think I might have to say something to someone about the inappropriateness of it.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Deployments are so hard, especially if you aren't expecting them. I don't know if your friend's dh is/was NG or Reserve, too, but their deployments can be harder on everyone than ADs. I remember reading about a lot of families losing their homes and such when their Reserve and NG members were deployed because they took big pay cuts. Obviously, if a marriage is already in trouble, a deployment can move things closer to a break-up. It's unfortunate that she has to broadcast her marital problems to everyone on FB. Maybe she doesn't have anyone to talk to about it. If I had a family member doing that, I think I might have to say something to someone about the inappropriateness of it.

He's AF, went to Korea while she was pregnant. They were married for a few years prior to this and as far as I know they weren't having problems. He had a 6 month deployment before this one and she definitely handled it much better, so I would think the combination of circumstances has a lot to do with it. I've tried talking to her about it and giving her some resources but she wasn't too receptive, most of her other military friends have pretty much been driven away by the drama going on.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
He's AF, went to Korea while she was pregnant. They were married for a few years prior to this and as far as I know they weren't having problems. He had a 6 month deployment before this one and she definitely handled it much better, so I would think the combination of circumstances has a lot to do with it. I've tried talking to her about it and giving her some resources but she wasn't too receptive, most of her other military friends have pretty much been driven away by the drama going on.

Each deployment has been harder for me. Each time my dh leaves for months at a time I feel less and less connected to him. We just aren't together enough to keep the closeness of our relationship together. He's been gone more than he's been home. It seems we fight almost every time we talk (mostly my fault because I get annoyed by the littlest things) so we've resorted to texting because that tends to go better. I do still love him, though, so I just hold on to the idea that we can get things back at some point when we are together again, like when people say they became close again after the kids all grew up and moved out and they could really focus on each other again. Maybe your friend is going through something like that.

I don't know. I'm usually shocked by the way most people seem to handle relationships. It's all very bizarre to me. I think a lot of people expect that exciting, honeymoon feeling to last forever and when it starts to fade and things get settled and mundane they think they must not be in love anymore.


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## appifanie

I won't share my particulars, but I can totally understand her anger. HOWEVER, I wouldn't share it on facebook.


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Each deployment has been harder for me. .

I don't know. I'm usually shocked by the way most people seem to handle relationships. It's all very bizarre to me. I think a lot of people expect that exciting, honeymoon feeling to last forever and when it starts to fade and things get settled and mundane they think they must not be in love anymore.











If it were a friend of mine I would tell her that she's making a fool of herself by airing her dirty laundry in public. She's not making her husband look bad, she's making herself look bad.

Have ya'll looked into the census? Boy, is it ever messed up for military. Since DH is deployed, we don't count him here. Since he's on a ship w/a US homeport he'll be counted for the county we currently live in. If he was deployed overseas not on a ship w/a US homeport he'd be counted by the military using his home of record (on the other side of the country). Check it out here. Counting military members and their dependents in the current place they are living is fair for resource allocation, but not necessarily for representation for those, like us, who vote elsewhere.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I don't know. I'm usually shocked by the way most people seem to handle relationships. It's all very bizarre to me. I think a lot of people expect that exciting, honeymoon feeling to last forever and when it starts to fade and things get settled and mundane they think they must not be in love anymore.

I agree. My marriage is pretty different from most people's, we never really went through a honeymoon stage and have never really been very romantic people. We're more like comfortable companions and that works very well for us. Separations help us to find those romantic feelings so in a way it has helped to improve our marriage by adding a dimension that wasn't there before.

I do realize how one's marriage can be influenced by deployment, and I also realize that we all handle deployments differently but making it such a public thing isn't good for anyone. I really do want to say something but I don't like confrontation and I'm just hoping that once they're together again her mind-set will change and she'll be an adult about it for the sake of all parties involved, especially their child.

I got a note about the census bur haven't received it in the mail yet.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Have ya'll looked into the census? Boy, is it ever messed up for military. Since DH is deployed, we don't count him here. Since he's on a ship w/a US homeport he'll be counted for the county we currently live in. If he was deployed overseas not on a ship w/a US homeport he'd be counted by the military using his home of record (on the other side of the country). Check it out here. Counting military members and their dependents in the current place they are living is fair for resource allocation, but not necessarily for representation for those, like us, who vote elsewhere.









Yeah, I just filled mine out. I really wasn't sure whether to count Sean or not. Technically, he will not be living in our home on April 1. Since this school is a PCS move, Oklahoma is his home right now as far as the military is concerned. However, it's a temporary home to us since he'll be coming back here and we'll be staying for another 3 years (hopefully). I went ahead and counted him.


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## ~Katie~

Finally got some info about redeployment. My FRG has dropped the ball but brigade is keeping me up to date. Apparently our old FRG leader quit because there was a paid guy who was supposed to be helping and completely neglected his job so she was fed up and left. It looks like they'll get in and we'll get 15 minutes to say hello and they'll have a 15 minutes welcome ceremony, then they'll go to do their briefings and security stuff for about 2 hours. I'm going to take everyone's advice and go home during that time and then go back to pick him up later. That makes the most sense to me now that I know how it's all going to work.

The friend I mentioned before is still carrying on on Facebook so I said something to her today, along the lines of "deployments can be hard, marriage counseling can help. I hope you can work things out for the sake of your family". That's really all I'm going to say at this point. Just a really sad situation.


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## MarineWife

Yay, Katie! So exciting that your dh will be home soon.







Yeah, I couldn't hang around somewhere for 2 hours with my LOs. I'd be exhausted by the time my dh was ready to go home. Who would drive?

That was a good thing to say to your friend. You can't mend their marriage. Another thing I just thought of with deployments is that people change afterward. My dh was a very romantic guy. (I'm not much.) He was always doing sweet, little things for me. Mushy cards for no reason, sending me flowers, making a picnic lunch of my fave foods to eat on the living room floor when we couldn't go anywhere. That sort of thing. He would do fun, spontaneous stuff like that for our teenage ds, too, and did a lot to take care of the baby when he came. He almost always cooked dinner and he helped a lot with housework. After he came back from his first deployment he didn't do any of those things. He would leave his clothes and things all over the house. He wouldn't cook dinner unless I really nagged him about it. If he was out and picked himself up a soda or something, he wouldn't even bother to ask if any of us wanted one. Then he'd be surprised that our teenage ds was upset that he didn't get a soda. Or he'd make himself something to eat for lunch and, again, not even bother to ask if anyone else wanted anything and get annoyed when one of us would ask him to make more. Little things like that had changed so that it seemed sometimes he wasn't even aware of us, much less thinking about us the way he used to.

I don't know if it was the stress of what they had done. Their deployment was extended by about 4 months because they ended being involved in the "Fight for Fallujah" and then security while Iraqis voted. He didn't tell me much about what happened during that time but he did tell our teenage son that he had seen a lot of dead people. I know he had to go out on patrols for weeks at a time and got in fire fights. We can all guess the rest. Or maybe it was that he had gotten so used to being on his own that it was hard to transition back to being a family man. Probably a combination of both. All of that made things pretty difficult between his first and 2nd deployments. I changed a lot, too (or so my dh says). Oddly, after his 2nd deployment he was back to his old self.

I can see how that kind of change, especially if it happens a little more with each deployment, could break down a marriage. You get used to doing things yourself in your own way. A lot of women learn that they can do a lot of things without a man and start to wonder if they really need one. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if their marriage was good and strong before all of the deployments, they may have changed while apart so that things aren't good anymore. Both parties have to be extremely committed to working on making the marriage work, moreso than in civilian marriages. If one person isn't willing to work or change, there's nothing anyone else can do. It is sad but it happens all the time. The divorce rate in the military, especially during wartime, is higher than the general public and that's around 50%, right?


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Both parties have to be extremely committed to working on making the marriage work, moreso than in civilian marriages. If one person isn't willing to work or change, there's nothing anyone else can do. It is sad but it happens all the time. The divorce rate in the military, especially during wartime, is higher than the general public and that's around 50%, right?

I agree with you 100%. DH and I were talking about this last night in fact. It seems like there's a trick you have to learn, part coping mechanism of having to function on your own and then learning the trick to staying in love with your partner. We have certainly had our rough spots and this deployment has been our best experience yet, I think we really committed ourselves to getting our priorities straight ahead of time and not doing what we've done during previous separations where we get on each other's nerves and feel resentful. It takes a lot of commitment to figure out what your version of normal is after a deployment as well and deal with the hard stuff. It will certainly be interesting to figure out how being a family of 4 works. I think the divorce rate may be as high as 85% depending on the occupation in the Army?


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Each deployment has been harder for me. Each time my dh leaves for months at a time I feel less and less connected to him. We just aren't together enough to keep the closeness of our relationship together. He's been gone more than he's been home.

I completely know this feeling. Before we moved to FL, he was gone 3 months, back 3 months, gone 3 months...That went on from 04-06. It was unbelievably hard on our relationship. When he'd be home, there was training and there were times that I was gone for training.

My husband is the most awesome man in the world but there was a time about 5 years ago that it was so tough I really had doubts. His dad died, he came home early from Afghanistan and I didn't even want to see him. I actually went back early and left him with his family. I was just completely overwhelmed.

We got through it and we're better than ever.

Now, one thing I don't support is throwing your business out on the internet and badmouthing your spouse to the world. I think that's an entirely different issue and is one of the most disrespectful things you can do. Don't get me wrong, DH can do things that drive me nuts and I'll vent, but you'll never hear me say he isn't a good man or a wonderful father.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
It seems like there's a trick you have to learn, part coping mechanism of having to function on your own and then learning the trick to staying in love with your partner.

Yeah, I thought I had 3 basic choices after my dh returned from that first deployment. I could stay in the marriage and resent him for not being the person he was when we met and married. I started to think that I had been duped. Like he had done all those things for me to hook me and now he could be his real self. A big reason why I married him was because he took such good care of me. I don't mean financially. When we met I was working and making more money than he. He took care of me physically and emotionally. After years of me having to take of myself and my child all the time, that was so nice. I could leave. Or I could accept that he was different but that didn't make him a bad person or a liar or anything like that. He was still the man I had fallen in love with. I understood that relationships are not 50/50 all the time, if ever. Most of the time one person gives more than the other but the giver can switch. It goes back and forth. For whatever reason, he needed to be taken care of at that time and it was my turn to give/do more. I think as any marriage ages most people have to make some effort to stay "in love" with their partners.

My main issue right now is that I resent my dh often for getting to be a bachelor again. He goes away for training or schools and lives on his own without having to even think about taking care of others while I have to do everything for everyone at home all the time. I get so exhausted. After being a single parent for so long that was one thing I never wanted to do again. I have to remember that my dh doesn't choose to leave. He has to for his job. He doesn't want to be away from us. It makes him sad that he is missing out on so much time with his children. Yeah, he made the choice to join the military knowing that he would be away a lot but I supported him. I wouldn't be able to do things I'm doing now if it weren't for that.


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## ~Katie~

That is some excellent insight, I think it's important to have these talks because it offers up a whole new perspective. I try to look at it like you do in that it's a job and my DH is working hard to provide for us, it's not something he intentionally wants to do in spite of us. Similar to what you said, a good friend once told me that it won't always be 50/50, sometimes it'll be 80/20 and one partner will have to pick up the slack and help pull the other out of their slump. I try to keep that in mind a lot of the time.

That and finding Mr. Right isn't about living in a perfect glass bubble but finding the person you want to do the hard work with for the rest of your life, it took me a long time to figure that one out but I'd like to think that all my crappy relationships up until I met DH had led me to that point. As far as living apart, I had previous long distance relationships, one for almost 3 years, so I think I was somewhat prepared for what to expect as far as maintaining things through phone calls and email. This deployment was one of the first times we ever parted without fighting during the days prior and him leaving without us talking and saying goodbye, getting things off on the right foot really set the tone for everything.

As far as the friend, she said (on Facebook, of course) that her husband doesn't trust her and she doesn't want to do the work to fix the marriage because of that. She doesn't think she loves him anymore. I guess I'd have a hard time trusting my spouse too if they openly flirted and talked about having cyber sex with another guy online, but I guess if she really ends up wanting to salvage it she'll look into counseling.

Going to give myself a pedicure while the kids nap, I'm loving that Spring is finally here.


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## MarineWife

It took me a lot of years to realize that my feelings are my responsibility not someone else's regardless of what they may or may not do. I have to continually and consciously remind myself of that. My dh doesn't do things to purposely hurt me just like I don't do things to purposely hurt him. I think a lot of people don't understand that. They think their spouse should know what they want or need and give it to them. When that doesn't happen they get hurt and resentful. I try to be as honest and open as I can with my dh about how I feel but also communicate to him that it's not his fault and I don't expect him to fix everything.

My dh and I used to fight during the days following up to his deployments and other times when he was going to be away. He would get very stressed about getting ready to leave. I also think he was probably dealing with emotional stuff connected to leaving us. He would detach himself days before he left. It was probably easier for him that way. Once we realized what was going on and talked about it, things got a lot better right before he left. Now we don't fight at all during those times.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
It took me a lot of years to realize that my feelings are my responsibility not someone else's regardless of what they may or may not do. I have to continually and consciously remind myself of that. My dh doesn't do things to purposely hurt me just like I don't do things to purposely hurt him. I think a lot of people don't understand that. They think their spouse should know what they want or need and give it to them. When that doesn't happen they get hurt and resentful. I try to be as honest and open as I can with my dh about how I feel but also communicate to him that it's not his fault and I don't expect him to fix everything.

My dh and I used to fight during the days following up to his deployments and other times when he was going to be away. He would get very stressed about getting ready to leave. I also think he was probably dealing with emotional stuff connected to leaving us. He would detach himself days before he left. It was probably easier for him that way. Once we realized what was going on and talked about it, things got a lot better right before he left. Now we don't fight at all during those times.

I think you about summed up what every military couple needs to know when facing deployment and other separations. It's okay to have feelings and talk about them but it's how you react as a result of those feelings that matters.

I think the detachment had a lot to do with why we used to fight as well, but I made a really strong point like you described of saying "yes we both feel bad about this and are angry and it's okay to feel that way, but let's enjoy the brief time we have left together and not take it for granted by fighting". He definitely went through a lot of detachment in regards to my pregnancy but I was really understanding about that and didn't blame him for it, we thought he was going to be here for her birth up until a month before he left so as sad as it made me I understood why he didn't want to get emotionally attached at that point and have it be harder to leave.

It seems to be a man thing to want to try and fix everything and feel responsible for everything and they end up being stressed out when really it's easier just to say it is what it is and we'll move on from it. If you can find a bit of inner peace it can go a long way.


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
My dh and I used to fight during the days following up to his deployments and other times when he was going to be away.

This is so common, they should warn everyone about it! Even after we realized what was happening, we continue to struggle with it. The fights are smaller, though, and we are able to brush them off as pre-separation issues.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
It seems to be a man thing to want to try and fix everything and feel responsible for everything and they end up being stressed out when really it's easier just to say it is what it is and we'll move on from it. If you can find a bit of inner peace it can go a long way.









My dh does this all the time and then he feels gets frustrated and feels bad that he can't fix things for me. It drives me crazy because I don't want him to fix things. I just want him to listen and understand. I get hurt and feel insulted when he tries to find solutions for me, like when he tells me I'd feel better physically and emotionally if I went to the gym. Gee, thanks. As if I didn't know that already. It sure would be nice to go to the gym every day but when I'm the only parent it's hard to get the energy to get everyone up and ready to go. Bleh.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma*
This is so common, they should warn everyone about it! Even after we realized what was happening, we continue to struggle with it. The fights are smaller, though, and we are able to brush them off as pre-separation issues.

Yeah, I think they do try to address that some at the predeployment briefs but don't seem to quite hit on it so that you can recognize it when it's happening. We still do have our little squabbles and we're all a little more stressed during those times but since we can now recognize it for what it is we can stop ourselves before things get bad.


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## MarineWife

Katie ~ Here's a FB status I thought you might appreciate right now. A friend of mine posted it.

"If you have a wonderful man that works hard to provide for you and would do anything just for you and your family, then repost this as your status to give the honest well-behaved men out there the recognition that they deserve. Because great men are few and far between and I have one of them!!!"


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Katie ~ Here's a FB status I thought you might appreciate right now. A friend of mine posted it.

"If you have a wonderful man that works hard to provide for you and would do anything just for you and your family, then repost this as your status to give the honest well-behaved men out there the recognition that they deserve. Because great men are few and far between and I have one of them!!!"

Awww, now THAT is one worth re-posting!


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## KittyMM

Hello, I am new to MDC, although I have been looking around the site for about a week now (specifically about vax exemptions). We live at Fort Bragg, NC. We have one DD who is 14.5 months old.

I am looking for some help from anyone with knowledge about vaccination exemptions that can help me. I hope I am placing this question in the proper place.

Here is my situation:
My DD was on a delayed vax schedule until she was 11 months old and then I stopped because of the all that I learned from the research I was doing. In light of my decision to stop vaccinations, I was getting ready to turn in the Religious Exemption statement to CYS here on-post so my DD can attend hourly care every once in a while. However, another mom that I know just relayed to me her experience and I am wondering if what CYS did was right.

She went in to the CYS office and they gave her a form to take the Chaplain and told her that the Chaplain had to sign it. She did that. She returned the form to CYS and was then told, no, you have to have the Chaplain's signature notarized. So, she went back to the Chaplain and did that. She went back to CYS and was told, no, the Chaplain has to hand-write the statement that was on the form (copy it himself) and then we can take the form.

I was under the impression that the Religious Exemption for NC was just a written statement from the parents to the childcare facility, stating that they (the parents) are against the practice of vaccinations for religious reasons. I had no idea that I had to go to a Chaplain and have him/her write a statement and then get it notarized.

I plan on calling CYS in the morning but I want to be sure I have my facts straight.

Can anyone of you offer any guidance on this?

I appreciate it very much!
~Katherine


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## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KittyMM* 
Hello, I am new to MDC, although I have been looking around the site for about a week now (specifically about vax exemptions). We live at Fort Bragg, NC. We have one DD who is 14.5 months old.

I am looking for some help from anyone with knowledge about vaccination exemptions that can help me. I hope I am placing this question in the proper place.

Here is my situation:
My DD was on a delayed vax schedule until she was 11 months old and then I stopped because of the all that I learned from the research I was doing. In light of my decision to stop vaccinations, I was getting ready to turn in the Religious Exemption statement to CYS here on-post so my DD can attend hourly care every once in a while. However, another mom that I know just relayed to me her experience and I am wondering if what CYS did was right.

She went in to the CYS office and they gave her a form to take the Chaplain and told her that the Chaplain had to sign it. She did that. She returned the form to CYS and was then told, no, you have to have the Chaplain's signature notarized. So, she went back to the Chaplain and did that. She went back to CYS and was told, no, the Chaplain has to hand-write the statement that was on the form (copy it himself) and then we can take the form.

I was under the impression that the Religious Exemption for NC was just a written statement from the parents to the childcare facility, stating that they (the parents) are against the practice of vaccinations for religious reasons. I had no idea that I had to go to a Chaplain and have him/her write a statement and then get it notarized.

I plan on calling CYS in the morning but I want to be sure I have my facts straight.

Can anyone of you offer any guidance on this?

I appreciate it very much!
~Katherine

It isn't the Chaplain you need a signature from. When I went to CYSS, the religious exemption form I was given was to be signed by the Chief of Preventive Medicine (910)907-4223. It specifically stated this on the form. There was nothing mentioning a Chaplain. If you go to CYSS, they will give you this form. It's possible the Chief of Preventive Medicine could require a notarized statement from a Chaplain, so you could have two steps to go through to get it done.
I didn't even bother with it. It wasn't worth it to me. But, if you do go through with this, I'd love to know how it went.
Good luck!


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## MarineWife

I wonder if the CYS (is that the childcare on the army base?) has to follow state law since it's on federal land. Does the federal government have any laws about vax exemption? Seems to me that it's unconstitutional to require a statement from a religious authority.


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## gagin37

It seems like I have heard stories about them jerking people around like this before, basically making it impossible for non vaxers to use their services.


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## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
It seems like I have heard stories about them jerking people around like this before, basically making it impossible for non vaxers to use their services.

Yeah, it just totally put me off. I don't even want to use the childcare or the schools. I wanted to sign John up for gymnastics or karate. They don't require vaccinations at places off-post for that. It's ridiculous.
I'm sure other installations might be easier to get an exemption if they have a philosophical exemption in that State, but North Carolina doesn't, so it's harder.


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## ~Katie~

I haven't used it either, I've heard 10 different things in regards to non-vaxers. It seems as though it is ultimately up to them how much of a pain they want to make it for you and there's nothing you can do about it. It is unconstitutional to make someone prove how religious or what religion they are in regards to vaxing, but NY exemptions aren't allowed without a form specifically doing just that. It doesn't make any sense and I have no idea how they get away with it.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
I have no idea how they get away with it.

Probably because no one has challenged it in the courts yet. I'd do it if I had the time and money. The ACLU would probably be the place to go for help with that but I'm not confident they'd be interested in helping. There's a lot of hostility toward non-vaxers. I'd love to be able to use the base athletics program but they require vax records. It's not that important to me to hassle with it. I can use the city and county services without providing vax records or an exemption statement. One thing about NC is that it is an all or nothing state. You can't follow a selective or delayed vax schedule without a medical exemption.


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## KittyMM

Thank you ladies so much. I guess I will have to jump through the hoops they want me to jump through. I called today and the woman I spoke with said that they can do it because they are covered by federal law, not NC law. And, I won't bore you with the other details, but the lady at the front desk told me so many wrong things about how to fill out the form, and I had to ask to speak to someone more knowledgeable who confirmed that the front desk lady had no clue what she was saying. And she is the one who the public comes into contact with? Nice.

Anyway, thanks again. I appreciate your willingness to help a new member out.

Have a great night!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KittyMM* 
I called today and the woman I spoke with said that they can do it because they are covered by federal law, not NC law

Did yo get into what the federal law is? I'd love to know.


----------



## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I wonder if the CYS (is that the childcare on the army base?) has to follow state law since it's on federal land. Does the federal government have any laws about vax exemption? Seems to me that it's unconstitutional to require a statement from a religious authority.

Hi Kitty! I'm on Bragg too. I was having similar issues with my daughter - she's 3 and vegan - imagine their horror! I was told to get the special SNAP diet statement filled out, and our old veg-friendly doc in Maine couldn't do it, so we saw a doc here who signed the form but refused to check one of the 3 boxes they're supposed to check (medical, medical, religious). I was messing around with that then I contacted a local (seventh day adventist - they're vegetarian) church, but they backed out and said the wouldn't fill it out cause we're not actually SADs. But the pastor gave me the name of a lovely lady named Mabel who mentioned someone in registration could better help - her name is Cassandra. Mabel told me all I needed to do was write a letter that basically says "look, this is my kid, and this is what I say" - I realize it might be more complicated with vaccines, but maybe if you ask for Cassandra?

We delay vaxed too - we just happen to be all caught up by now, except for Hep B which we just started. The nurse at Womack was so confused about how to vax my kiddo for that because she'd never seen a kid that old w/o hep b vaccines.

Also, side note - would it kill them to put more parking spots at the Soldier Support Center and Womack? GEEZ!


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## AileenM

Hello, ladies...I always forget about this tribe, and then it'll pop up in the main page and I'll go "Oh, duh...how could I forget there is a military wives tribe?!?!"









Let me reintroduce myself...My name is Aileen and I'm married to a Marine. We're polar opposites on a lot of issues, but luckily he leaves a lot of 'that weird stuff' to me.







We have an (almost) 3 year old daughter named Hannah, and a son who should be here any day now, due April 5th. My husband is currently deployed to Afghanistan, and I hate the looks I get when I say that, since I am so obviously pregnant.














We live in Southern California, stationed at Camp Pendleton, for the next couple of months. We'll be making a move to Memphis very VERY soon after he gets home, to go on I&I duty (working with reservists). (We are NOT happy about this, but at least he's not deployable for a while!) DH has been in for about 15 years now, and we are eagerly awaiting retirement.









Let's see....anything else...Um, we're both 34, and we have 3 furbabies as well...2 cats and a dog. I guess that's it, and hopefully I'll remember to check on this thread more often!


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## KittyMM

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
Hi Kitty! I'm on Bragg too. I was having similar issues with my daughter - she's 3 and vegan - imagine their horror! I was told to get the special SNAP diet statement filled out, and our old veg-friendly doc in Maine couldn't do it, so we saw a doc here who signed the form but refused to check one of the 3 boxes they're supposed to check (medical, medical, religious). I was messing around with that then I contacted a local (seventh day adventist - they're vegetarian) church, but they backed out and said the wouldn't fill it out cause we're not actually SADs. But the pastor gave me the name of a lovely lady named Mabel who mentioned someone in registration could better help - her name is Cassandra. Mabel told me all I needed to do was write a letter that basically says "look, this is my kid, and this is what I say" - I realize it might be more complicated with vaccines, but maybe if you ask for Cassandra?

We delay vaxed too - we just happen to be all caught up by now, except for Hep B which we just started. The nurse at Womack was so confused about how to vax my kiddo for that because she'd never seen a kid that old w/o hep b vaccines.

Also, side note - would it kill them to put more parking spots at the Soldier Support Center and Womack? GEEZ!


HI! This has become so frustrating for me. I went to the Chaplain today and he was very understanding. I gave him the statement I had written and that he is supposed to sign and notarize (per the lady at CYSS). He said he would get to it in the morning. Who knows.

I don't get ruffled easily, but this situation has really become emotional for me. NO ONE at CYSS says the same thing about how to go about getting the religious exemption. So, I am prepared for them to say that the information I bring in tomorrow to not be what they need. I might lose it right there in the office.

I am going to call the CYSS office tomorrow and I will ask for Cassandra. Hopefully she will have a good understanding of their exemption process. Thank you for giving me her name.

And, when I called yesterday and the front desk person told me they fall under Federal law, she did rattle off some numbers and letters, but at that point, I was so annoyed I didn't write it all down. I do, however, have the name of a person at the NC Immunization Department to make sure that what CYSS is doing is correct.

Why does it have to be so hard?

Thanks again for all of your help ladies!


----------



## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KittyMM* 
HI! This has become so frustrating for me. I went to the Chaplain today and he was very understanding. I gave him the statement I had written and that he is supposed to sign and notarize (per the lady at CYSS). He said he would get to it in the morning. Who knows.

I don't get ruffled easily, but this situation has really become emotional for me. NO ONE at CYSS says the same thing about how to go about getting the religious exemption. So, I am prepared for them to say that the information I bring in tomorrow to not be what they need. I might lose it right there in the office.

I am going to call the CYSS office tomorrow and I will ask for Cassandra. Hopefully she will have a good understanding of their exemption process. Thank you for giving me her name.

And, when I called yesterday and the front desk person told me they fall under Federal law, she did rattle off some numbers and letters, but at that point, I was so annoyed I didn't write it all down. I do, however, have the name of a person at the NC Immunization Department to make sure that what CYSS is doing is correct.

Why does it have to be so hard?

Thanks again for all of your help ladies!

It really is a pain in the butt. Also, when I went and asked for Cassandra it was a Monday, and I guess they make their admission decisions on Mondays? Anyway, they called me into this room where there was a committee of people - 6 or 7 - just sitting around this big group of tables. My daughter was with me and it totally freaked us out. They questioned us about our diet and what they should do about it, blah blah blah.

I'd say go off post, but it seems kinda scary out there (especially since I moved here right as the Shaniya Davis thing was happening).


----------



## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AileenM* 
Hello, ladies...I always forget about this tribe, and then it'll pop up in the main page and I'll go "Oh, duh...how could I forget there is a military wives tribe?!?!"









Let me reintroduce myself...My name is Aileen and I'm married to a Marine. We're polar opposites on a lot of issues, but luckily he leaves a lot of 'that weird stuff' to me.







We have an (almost) 3 year old daughter named Hannah, and a son who should be here any day now, due April 5th. My husband is currently deployed to Afghanistan, and I hate the looks I get when I say that, since I am so obviously pregnant.














We live in Southern California, stationed at Camp Pendleton, for the next couple of months. We'll be making a move to Memphis very VERY soon after he gets home, to go on I&I duty (working with reservists). (We are NOT happy about this, but at least he's not deployable for a while!) DH has been in for about 15 years now, and we are eagerly awaiting retirement.









Let's see....anything else...Um, we're both 34, and we have 3 furbabies as well...2 cats and a dog. I guess that's it, and hopefully I'll remember to check on this thread more often!

is camp pendleton in oceanside? if that's the one - my cali knowledge is weak







- my best friend is there!


----------



## sapphire_chan

Hi! Got another question for mamas who know about the military.

Dh just got an email from his unit saying they're sending him for a commissioning physical at the end of next month.

They also want to know if there's anything he'd like to have included in the letter of recommendation.

Any advice?

(He's very







, needless to say, he'd been figuring on going for officer after a couple years in, and he just got back from BCT and AIT in December.)








looks like the colorblindness is going to bite him in the rear again. Annoyingly, he can see vivid red/vivid green every where we tried it out, but couldn't do it for the Falant machine at MEPS.


----------



## ~Katie~

Is the recommendation in order to direct commission instead of going to OCS?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Hi! Got another question for mamas who know about the military.

Dh just got an email from his unit saying they're sending him for a commissioning physical at the end of next month.

They also want to know if there's anything he'd like to have included in the letter of recommendation.

Any advice?

(He's very







, needless to say, he'd been figuring on going for officer after a couple years in, and he just got back from BCT and AIT in December.)








looks like the colorblindness is going to bite him in the rear again. Annoyingly, he can see vivid red/vivid green every where we tried it out, but couldn't do it for the Falant machine at MEPS.


----------



## sapphire_chan

No idea. That would be good since he does meet the reqs for direct commissioning and wouldn't qualify for OCS.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
No idea. That would be good since he does meet the reqs for direct commissioning and wouldn't qualify for OCS.

That is what I was thinking since you said he already has a graduate degree (psych I think you said?) He would make captain almost instantly. Is he planning to work in mental health, because that is in extreme high demand. Just as an example, if I chose to work for the Army with my degree I'd make as much as 50 grand a year more than my DH does. What did he go to AIT for?

I don't know the process but I'd advise him to learn more about it from his unit and what kinds of things he can request, chances are they won't give him the details if he doesn't start asking about it if they're anything like my DH's unit.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Sadly it's someone else's dh who has the psych degree. Dh just has a bachelors.

Thanks for the advice to ask his unit!

Does anyone know if there's a reason *not* to be an officer? Even though there's some question about whether he'll pass the physical with the color blindness problem, he's concerned about going to take the physical without being 100% sure that he wants to take that path.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 







Sadly it's someone else's dh who has the psych degree. Dh just has a bachelors.

Thanks for the advice to ask his unit!

Does anyone know if there's a reason *not* to be an officer? Even though there's some question about whether he'll pass the physical with the color blindness problem, he's concerned about going to take the physical without being 100% sure that he wants to take that path.

Did I at least get his major right? Sorry about that









My DH said it really depends the unit but there tends to be a lot of BS to put up with, I'm sure that's the case whether you're an officer or not. Otherwise he enjoys it, it certainly has lots of benefits. This may be an opportunity for him to ask around about what people do and what they think. As far as the color blindness, DH asked around and everybody said it didn't matter. He works with officers who are color blind. I know you can't be in aviation if you have it, the Army pretty much does everything in black and white anyway







.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Does anyone know if there's a reason *not* to be an officer? Even though there's some question about whether he'll pass the physical with the color blindness problem, he's concerned about going to take the physical without being 100% sure that he wants to take that path.

I only have personal experience with my dh being a Marine Corps officer so take my perspective fwiw. I don't have any experience with the
Army. Relatively speaking, there are perks that come with being an officer. Obviously, there's the pay. It's significantly higher. Many enlisted families qualify for food stamps and WIC because their pay is so low. I have a friend who enlisted in the Navy with a BS. She could've been an officer but chose to enlist instead for the MOS. I don't know exactly what it was. It had something to do with linguistics. She wouldn't have had the same job if she had been an officer. There's a greater degree of professional and personal responsibility that comes with being an officer that maybe doesn't come with being enlisted. I think it's probably a decision that has to be made on an individual basis based on what you want to do and what's available for an officer vs. enlisted. Your dh may be able go in enlisted and become an officer later if he chose. Would it be a problem for him if he didn't pass the officer's physical? Would that preclude him from going enlisted if he didn't pass?


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 

Does anyone know if there's a reason *not* to be an officer? Even though there's some question about whether he'll pass the physical with the color blindness problem, he's concerned about going to take the physical without being 100% sure that he wants to take that path.

I don't know much about being an officer, except that the pay is extremely nice. My dh chose to enlist as opposed to being an officer. I do know that by going in as an E-4 he had a lot more control over what he wanted out of the Army. He's been able to reclass, go to language school, get a huge reenlistment bonus, and they just offered him another one (although, he won't be reenlisting this time around). The higher up you go (senior NCO, as well), the less flexibility you have . He would never be where he is now if he had gone in as an officer. There are many times I wish he HAD gone in as an officer, though. The pay is horrible for enlisted; it almost makes me sick. I really don't understand the pay discrepancy. Not saying that officers shouldn't make more; they have a lot of responsibility. I think they should make more, but the difference in pay is just too large of a gap, IMO.
I think one of the downsides to going enlisted, if you're older, like my dh, is that he has to work with so many super young people. He's 38, and he's working with guys in their early 20s. It's just a totally different level of maturity.
I think it really depends on what your dh wants to get out of the Army as to whether to go enlisted or officer. I think both have perks and disadvantages, just like any other job.
Good luck with what he decides!


----------



## sapphire_chan

Okay, it's definitely going to be OCS not direct commissioning since DH is in computers/business not a doctor or anything like that.









He's actually Army Reserves not full-time Army. Right now he's an E4 and his unit put his name in for trying to go to OCS.

If he gets in, he'll need to take another extended leave from his civilian job. Since BCT/AIT was last year, this'll mean two years in a row with a long time away from his job so that's another concern.

Leslie, it is funny for him being older. He's only 31, but still gets shock about how old he is. Although I think part of the surprise comes from how he out does everyone at PT, kind of freaky to be 22 and have a 31 year old knocking out twice as many push-ups.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
I think one of the downsides to going enlisted, if you're older, like my dh, is that he has to work with so many super young people. He's 38, and he's working with guys in their early 20s. It's just a totally different level of maturity.

It's a downside for going in as an officer, too. My dh didn't join until he was 31. We've been consistently 5-10 years older than most of the people he works with, even his immediate supervisors.

I'm not sure why being away form his current civilian job while at OCS would be a problem. If he's going to OCS and planning to be commissioned as an officer, he won't need his current civilian job anymore. He'll get paid a full-time salary while he's at OCS, albeit not very much.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
It's a downside for going in as an officer, too. My dh didn't join until he was 31. We've been consistently 5-10 years older than most of the people he works with, even his immediate supervisors.

I'm not sure why being away form his current civilian job while at OCS would be a problem. If he's going to OCS and planning to be commissioned as an officer, he won't need his current civilian job anymore. He'll get paid a full-time salary while he's at OCS, albeit not very much.











My DH is older than his peers as well, and it was difficult at first because none of them had spouses or children and couldn't relate and talked all the time about going out and drinking and such, but he got used to it. He's been able to meet people who are his age or older as well, which helps.

The pay isn't as grand as it's made out to be. At least in the Army. We aren't even considered "middle class" in the civilian world. I do agree that enlisted soldiers aren't paid enough, though.

You can still go to language school as an officer, and get a graduate degree. My FIL was able to get his doctorate and then became a professor at West Point, where he retired, so there is some flexibility there as well.


----------



## sapphire_chan

Officers in the Army can't be reserves? My high school physics teacher was an Air Force major (had been my mom's commanding officer at one point







)


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Officers in the Army can't be reserves? My high school physics teacher was an Air Force major (had been my mom's commanding officer at one point







)

Yes, they can. If he wants to he can have a full-time job as an officer in the Reserves, or he can have a full-time civilian job and only function as an officer on the weekends during drill. But, Reserves people can be called onto active duty any time to fill slots and such, though it's kind of uncommon. National Guard officers typically only get called onto active duty during deployments.


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 









You can still go to language school as an officer, and get a graduate degree.

Oh, I know. There were plenty of officers at DLI. I was just talking about my dh who never would have been able to enter his current field had he gone in as an officer. He wouldn't have gone to DLI either. That was on his list of things he required them to give him when he reenlisted. It wouldn't have been as easy for him to change jobs as an officer as it was as lower enlisted.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Officers in the Army can't be reserves? My high school physics teacher was an Air Force major (had been my mom's commanding officer at one point







)

Oh yeah, the Reserves need officers, too. I assumed he was going AD if he was going from the Reserves to OCS. I didn't even think of a Reserve unit sending someone to OCS to come back to the Reserve unit. He's prior AD, right? Isn't there a law that an employer has to hold a job for someone if they have to take time off to serve in the military?

I think we're slowly closing the age gap as the years go by. Several of the guys in my dh's last unit were close to our age. Most of the wives were much younger than me. I was still the oldest in our group of friends. The age thing is funny. When I was a young, single mother I didn't feel like I fit in with other mothers because they were around 10 years older than me and married. Now I'm married and have little kids again and most of the women my age don't have little kids so I end up being around 10 years older than the other moms with LOs.


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## lalemma

My husband is former AD/current reservist, thinking of putting in a packet for a commission, too! We should swap notes if you move forward with this.


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## hippiemommaof4

I am a Military spouse too but it doesnt define who I am its just a title for me , I'm also an army veteran myself as well. My husband is an NCO,airborne parachute rigger,jumpmaster and air assult qualified. we were at ft bragg for a lil over 6 yrs some wth the 82nd and some with Special forces, ft richardson alaska for 2 yrs and we've been here at ft benning ga for 2 yrs as well. We've been other places for training so we've been doing this military thing 11 yrs for dh, 10 for me total. My husband is really sick so we may be medically retired here in the next couple years if things dont look up for us.


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## goodygumdrops

Hi ladies,

I thought I would introduce myself...I'm Amy. My dh enlisted in the Army in November at the ripe old age of 35. We have been having major marital issues before he left and were already living apart for about 6 months. We have one 3 year old son. We are going to be married for 7 years this May.

It seems that we are getting back together...we're in negotiations now. He is about to finish training and has just received his duty station, Fort Bliss. He's trying to switch with another mate but I'm not sure if that's even going to happen.

Since we have been separated, I have gone back to school and I am getting an MA in Lactation Consulting. I am starting an internship this week that is supposed to run for a year.

Anyway, I've read the whole thread and I'll put this on my list so I can keep up.


----------



## ~Katie~

Welcome!


----------



## MangoMommy

Welcome to the tribe! Ft Bliss, is that Texas? Are you considering joining him or will you stay in FL?


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## goodygumdrops

Thanks for the welcoming.









As for Ft. Bliss, it is in Texas. El Paso area on the Texas/Mexico border. Yech....there are tarantulas there









I'm not sure yet if we'll go. It really depends on dh, etc. I think I should be hearing something any day now.

However, I am just beginning an internship with an IBCLC next week. I'm kind of concerned about leaving just yet. However, I am also concerned about my son not being around his dad. Life would definitely be easier for me if we lived together again.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
DH will be leaving for home within the next few days, hopefully

















So exciting! I'm jealous. How long has it been since you've seen him?


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 







So exciting! I'm jealous. How long has it been since you've seen him?

He left last May and came home on leave in September for DS's birthday and then left the day Laine turned 4 months old. So 7 months or so? I think this might be the longest we've been apart but honestly I can't even keep track anymore.


----------



## Lauren31

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 







Sadly it's someone else's dh who has the psych degree. Dh just has a bachelors.

Thanks for the advice to ask his unit!

Does anyone know if there's a reason *not* to be an officer? Even though there's some question about whether he'll pass the physical with the color blindness problem, he's concerned about going to take the physical without being 100% sure that he wants to take that path.

My husband is an army officer and I would say if your DH has a choice, definitely go in as an officer. The only downside that we might see would be if he wanted to be more "in the field" with the guys then doing managerial and office work. As an LT and even as a CPT they get to be in the nitty gritty with their guys but as majors and up they basically do desk jobs. That said, they all get paid a GREAT deal more and have a lot more flexibility in their hours, from what I have seen. DH does PT on his own, comes home for lunch, and just overall likes his job a lot more then many of his soldiers. If he wants to do something a bit more hands on he could attempt going in as a warrant officer. That is kinda like a cross between the goods of being an officer with the goods of being enlisted. Plus he gets paid more and is not outranked by some 22 year old.


----------



## hippiemommaof4

I know someone asked about why anyone wouldn't want be an officer and my dh had the opportunity to become one and he said no for a few reasons, he doesn't socialize and he doesn't want to be expected to LOL, he believes there is too much kissing up he would be expected to do and he wont, and he likes being enlisted because he gets to see the job that most of the people in the army do which is being a soldier. So those are his reasons for *him*. I think more pay would be the only positive for him, I actually encouraged him to do it but he was absolutely against it.


----------



## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hippiemommaof4* 
I am a Military spouse too but it doesnt define who I am its just a title for me , I'm also an army veteran myself as well. My husband is an NCO,airborne parachute rigger,jumpmaster and air assult qualified. we were at ft bragg for a lil over 6 yrs some wth the 82nd and some with Special forces, ft richardson alaska for 2 yrs and we've been here at ft benning ga for 2 yrs as well. We've been other places for training so we've been doing this military thing 11 yrs for dh, 10 for me total. My husband is really sick so we may be medically retired here in the next couple years if things dont look up for us.

hi! my husband has been in 14 years and just got back from his training @ ft benning about a week ago. he's actually currently trying to find a jumpmaster because he needs to get some jumps scheduled. i hope things look up for your husband and you!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hippiemommaof4* 
I know someone asked about why anyone wouldn't want be an officer and my dh had the opportunity to become one and he said no for a few reasons, he doesn't socialize and he doesn't want to be expected to LOL, he believes there is too much kissing up he would be expected to do and he wont, and he likes being enlisted because he gets to see the job that most of the people in the army do which is being a soldier. So those are his reasons for *him*. I think more pay would be the only positive for him, I actually encouraged him to do it but he was absolutely against it.

my dh doesn't want to be an officer either - he considered it very briefly - about a month - and moved on. his reasons are about the same.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## hippiemommaof4

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
hi! my husband has been in 14 years and just got back from his training @ ft benning about a week ago. he's actually currently trying to find a jumpmaster because he needs to get some jumps scheduled. i hope things look up for your husband and you!

my dh doesn't want to be an officer either - he considered it very briefly - about a month - and moved on. his reasons are about the same.

thank you so much, it's nice to meet you! Sounds like our husbands would get along LOL!


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
hi! my husband has been in 14 years and just got back from his training @ ft benning about a week ago. he's actually currently trying to find a jumpmaster because he needs to get some jumps scheduled. i hope things look up for your husband and you!

Is he on jump status? Why does he need jumps? If he's about to be pay hurt, his unit should be able to hook him up with another unit who is jumping. You have an SF unit on post, his best bet would be to go with them.

It is such a PITA when you're gone for training and worried about taking pay away because you missed a jump. This happens to DH every time he goes somewhere. (BNCOC and ANCOC) What sucks is he may end up jumping 2-3 times on jump days since he is a Jumpmaster, but if it's been more than 3 months in between...


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## MarineWife

That is crazy, Katie! I can't believe they didn't arrange travel for his group. I think someone needs to do some serious fit throwing. Hopefully, he'll be on his way again soon.


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
That is crazy, Katie! I can't believe they didn't arrange travel for his group.









Wow.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## ~Katie~

Oh and some







stole the yellow ribbon magnets off the back of my car at Target today







I can see why they're desirable because they have the 82nd Airborne emblem and I've never seen that type available anywhere but online. There's definitely a special place in hell for whoever stole them.


----------



## Sarah W

I didn't realize your husband was in Afghanistan! It makes sense, if he's w/ 82nd. I remember when they took over for 101st. At least if you are stuck, KAF isn't a bad place to be.

It does suck, transportation is so tight over there. There are so many people coming in and out. Is he going to try to get a flight straight out or is he going to try to go to Bagram?

For me, when I deployed I was manifested all the way to Kuwait. Once I got there, I took care of my own arrangements to get to Afghanistan. There was a bit of discussion as to whether I would be at BAF or KAF, so I ended up going to BAF first. I was there three days or so, then went down South.


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
That is crazy, Katie! I can't believe they didn't arrange travel for his group. I think someone needs to do some serious fit throwing. Hopefully, he'll be on his way again soon.

There really isn't anyone to complain to. There are only so many aircraft, those get diverted, break down, etc. Additionally, soldiers have higher priority if they're going on leave/R&R. There are hundreds of soldiers moving in and out of that country daily.

Also, when soldiers die, there nees to be an a/c dedicated to get that soldier back to the hospital as quickly as possible. KAF and BAF are central locations for that.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
There really isn't anyone to complain to. There are only so many aircraft, those get diverted, break down, etc. Additionally, soldiers have higher priority if they're going on leave/R&R. There are hundreds of soldiers moving in and out of that country daily.

Also, when soldiers die, there nees to be an a/c dedicated to get that soldier back to the hospital as quickly as possible. KAF and BAF are central locations for that.

That doesn't seem to be the situation here, though. From what was said, it seems that no one bothered to make arrangement for an entire group or unit to come home not that there weren't any flights available. Someone should've been arranging that. I know there's nothing that can be done at this point but I still think someone needs to complain. Soldiers should never be left high and dry in a foreign country trying to figure out their own way home.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## MarineWife

You lose me when you start talking about things like Manis and BAF and whatever. I have no idea what that is.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## Sarah W

That makes no sense! If they can get them to Kuwait and home, why not? They could get stuck in Kuwait, but it's closer.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I don't know what is worse...knowing you have months to go, or thinking it's a couple days and then it keeps getting shifted to the right day by day.


----------



## ~adorkable~

Oh Katie this is soooo sucky, hand in there! What's the news his week?


----------



## ~adorkable~

So just got a call from DH at work, Walter reed just popped up in two places on his AKO pages. They have us slated to be there in Aug.

I know i have complained to many folks about missing the big city but be careful what i ask for right?

I was just so happy in our house for a change and Aug is such a bad time for this move.

I few questions? We don't have "orders" yet, it just places him there on a particular date in his ERB and one other place who's name i cant remember.

Any idea what and when we can expect with the timeline for orders?

And anyone want to point me in a good direction to starting to learn about live and housing in DC? Thankfully i have a sister in DC so I'm not going in blind and im sure she is going to be thrilled to have me move.

I'm just in a state of shock right now, even though we have been married for 4 + years and have go one thru all sorts of he'll since we have been together, this is the first time we will have a full PCS since I have been living with him.


----------



## Sarah W

When he gets his orders will depend on when he goes to his LEVY brief. They try to aim for 90 days out, but sometimes that doesn't happen.


----------



## madis81

Hello! Just wanted to jump in and say hi. I've been following the thread after my few initial questions at the beginning. We just found out we're expecting baby #3, so we're talking A LOT about when DH leaves. He hasn't signed papers yet, but I'm sure there is an anxious recruiter that will be putting on the pressure. I just don't want DH to be gone when the baby is born. My support here is seriously lacking!


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## Maluhia

Oh how incredibly frustrating!!!
(((hugs)))) Mama!


----------



## ~adorkable~

oh katie! this is sucking worse than ever, im soo sorry. i wish so much at times like this that we could just walk in and smack someone and take over!

thinking about you every day


----------



## MovingMomma

I'm so sorry, Katie! That's just horrible!


----------



## gagin37

that's so awful Katie, I could just cry for you all! What a nightmare!!


----------



## MarineWife

Katie. I can only imagine how frustrating and disappointing this is for all of you. He will get home eventually.

Can you tell us what group he's with? I don't mean his unit but you said he was part of a group that had been forgotten. Are they all NG or Reserves or something? I'm just curious if this has anything to do with them not being regular AD or all the passing the buck you were getting between his AD unit and his other unit.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 







Katie. I can only imagine how frustrating and disappointing this is for all of you. He will get home eventually.

Can you tell us what group he's with? I don't mean his unit but you said he was part of a group that had been forgotten. Are they all NG or Reserves or something? I'm just curious if this has anything to do with them not being regular AD or all the passing the buck you were getting between his AD unit and his other unit.

**


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
Basically people are abandoning their soldiers when their number comes up and jumping ship

DH's CO did that coming back from Iraq one time. He sent his team (including himself) home before the other teams. DH was really PO'd & it was only a week or so, but the CO is supposed to take care of his guys, not himself.


----------



## ~Katie~

**


----------



## LeslieB

Wow. That sucks really bad, Katie. I hope he gets on a flight soon.


----------



## kristenok18

I don't post often, but I wanted to just send an online







to KatieJD. It is unfathomable that your dh's CO could just abandon them like that. I hope his you-know-what gets nailed to the wall for this. I'll be keeping you guys in my thoughts and hoping that your dh will be home soon.


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## ~Katie~

**


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## MommaKitten21

Oh Katie! Yay for an update on things, but seriously the whole situation is messed up, and yes, 200 spouses to piss off is probably not a good idea









I guess it's time for me to join this tribe and start facing the reality of things I would much rather not. I guess I am mostly afraid of the unknown more than anything.

DH re-enlisted (he was in the Army before we met) because of the horrible economy and all. Had to do something, we are at a breaking point. So, back in the Army he goes. He ships out July 17th for training and all, so he will be gone when I give birth to our second child. (I am due the end of July/ early August)

I'm just busy plowing away trying to figure everything out... which is just giving me a headache









I'm glad there is a military tribe here though! What a great way to support each other! I look forward to getting to know all of you!!


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## MarineWife

Katie ~ I'm so glad you are finally at least getting info on what's going on. It seems like everything hit at once for you guys, huh?

Welcome, mamakitten. My dh is a Marine so I don't know much about how the Army works but, obviously, there are others here who do. I do know about having a baby while the other is away.


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## ~Katie~

**


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KatieJD* 
They enjoy changing everything at the last minute so I'm not getting my hopes up. When he's on a plane for home then I'll get my hopes up.

That's one thing I was told very early on. Don't ever expect them to be home the first date and time you are given. Things will almost always change. That's why I don't do the calendar countdown with my kids. It would be too upsetting for them to get to the day Daddy is supposed to be home just to be told he isn't.


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## MommaKitten21

Katie.... I saw the news about opening air traffic right before I left for work and thought of you!! Hopefully, this is good news









So, those who had to birth while hubby was gone.... how do you do it?!?! I mean, maybe in the moment I wont be so caught up about it, but seriously, our son's home birth was such a sexual, passionate, and peaceful event, and umm my mom and my brother cant quite fill that







So what do you do?

I firmly believe it's going to be a "suck it up, buttercup!" type situation... but that just scares me to death. I am just afraid because DH wont be there, I am going to have this insanely traumatic birth experience. ha!


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## MarineWife

The one birth I had while dh was gone was a homebirth. My MW, her assistant, my doula and my mother were there (not counting my 3.5yo). My teen ds ran to a friend's house when he found out I was in labor.







It was an amazing experience, although I wouldn't describe it as sexual or passionate.

I'm not sure what you mean by, "suck it up." Do you mean that any other family members you would have there would treat you that way? If so, don't invite them unless they are all you have and you really need them. If you have a good, attentive MW, that's all you really need, imo. Unless you are planning a UC. Then I'd think you'd want at least one other adult there in case of an emergency. My doula was pretty much useless because I was getting everything I needed from my MW and her assistant. I think I assumed I needed a doula because of my experiences with hospital births. If you don't have friends or family that can help you with aftercare, it would probably be helpful to hire a PP doula or mother's helper if you can afford it.


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## appifanie

katie - what a PITA! my husband says it's very disorganized here and he's frequently upset about it.


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## ~Katie~

As far as birthing while DH is gone, I ended up planning a midwife attended homebirth and it turned into an accidental UC. For me, UC ended up being the next best option compared to DH actually being here so it brought a lot of peace to me. If you envision a certain kind of birth then by all means plan for that, your birth doesn't have to go out the window because he isn't present. It's emotional difficult, no doubt, and that doesn't go away but it's how you cope that makes all the difference. I ended up having a post-partum doula until my MIL came for 2 weeks and she was awesome. She really helped me to relax and enjoy having a new baby because the cooking, cleaning, and tending to the toddler was done for me.

Some people might tell you to "suck it up" but that's the mentality we REALLY need to get away from, we (as in military families) need to accept that this is emotional difficult and then work on supporting each other through it. So #1 I recommend surrounding yourself with supportive and understanding people who will help you with the ups and downs.


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## ~Katie~

**


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## MommaKitten21

Oh no Katie!!!! I am so sorry!!! The whole situation is truly ridiculous.... ugh!

All I can do is give you internet









I cant imagine the roller coaster journey!! Ughh! I hope this ends very soon!!


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## ~Katie~

**


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## ~Katie~

**


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## gagin37

I sure hope so! That's great news!


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## MommaKitten21

yes yes yes yes yes!!!!









What great news Katie!!!

I really hope this weekend becomes the best weekend ever for you and your family!!

I am crossing my fingers for you guys!!


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## MarineWife

I'm glad a bigwig finally got involved. Hopefully, this will get them home. I was curious to find out who you'd need to talk to to get people's heads to roll.


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## ~adorkable~

this is the best thing i have ever read here!!!

my DH and I have been following this together and he is so blown away, this just sucked sooo bad. and to think that many of units could be effected by the end is even worse.

So glad someone with a lot of pull got pushy!


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## ~Katie~

**


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## ~Katie~

**


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## ~adorkable~

Just a thought, if Katie decided to remove her recent post, then maybe any of us that quoted then should edit to remove those quotes.

Hang in there Katie, keep us in the loop, where here wishing good things for you!


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## ~Katie~

Just PM me to talk about it


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## kristenok18

Katie- I can't stop thinking about you and your dh. Here's hoping things are either resolved by now (or on their way to being resolved!!!!). In the meantime, many







.


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## ~Katie~

He came home today









Things have been a whirlwind but he's finally home and I could not be happier. I probably won't be around much as we all settle in for the next few days. I want everyone to know that I appreciate your support over the last year, it has meant so much to me to have this group.


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## MommaKitten21

yayyyyyy!!! What great news!!!























Oh the long road to get to this point!! Enjoy your time together, and enjoy rediscovering each other!!


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## MovingMomma

So glad he finally made it! Enjoy!!!


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## ~adorkable~

Great news, warm snuggling in thought for your whole family!


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## kristenok18

I'm so happy for you guys!


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## Katsmamajama

Sorry I've been AFK for so long! Oh my goodness! Katie, it sounds like whatever was going on really sucked, and I'm glad it got resolved!!









On my end, DH's medical reclass finally went through, and he's going to be saying goodbye to Blackhawks and hello to Mortuary Affairs. Probably not a job anyone would say "oooh ooh let ME do that!!!







" but if he can do this for 10 years, then he can retire out of the military. There's one odd thing: He received 2 emails yesterday-- one reserving a class for him, and one confirming class for him, but they aren't for the same dates(one said June, the other said July). Plus side, from what I can tell, his schooling will be in VA (like a couple hours from friends of ours), and there's 2 main duty stations-- Dover, or Hawaii. We're already IN Hawaii, and would really like to go to Dover, if they'll let him! Otherwise we're sending our stuff out of Hawaii, to go back to Hawaii....not much sense to be had there.

I'm hoping that the July date was correct, I'd be cool with that!


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## madis81

Hooray Katie! I've been reading about the whole ordeal. So happy to read he is home. Enjoy your time with your DH!









I've also been reading some of your stories about giving birth while your DH's are away. They've helped me some. It looks like my DH will be at AIT then, and were so far away from that we don't if I'll be able to join him there or not. So many unanswered questions at this point with no answers until we move forward. *sigh*


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## MarineWife

Katie! I'm so glad all of that mess is over for you now.


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## Katsmamajama

Hey ladies,

Have any of you lived at Ft. Hood? We're apparently heading there after DH finishes school in August!


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## gagin37

dh came home last night and said the assignment sheet is supposed to come out in "early May" so hopefully we'll be able to make some decisions soon! If it's somewhere we want to move to, he's going to reenlist and we'll PCS in about a year. If it's some place we don't want to go, he has the option of turning it down, and we'll stay here until his current enlistment is up in Sep. of next year. We found out for sure that they won't move us unless he reenlists. I really can't wait to find out, I'm so tired of the uncertainty!


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## MarineWife

I've never been to Ft. Hood but I've been to O'ahu. None of us can wait to go back.


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## Sarah W

Honestly, I'm not a fan of Ft. Hood. It's huge, though.


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## madis81

I have never lived in Ft. Hood, but visited my brother there a few times. Winters were mild and springs came early, so that was nice. And I remember my allergies being so bad my eyes would get goopy in my sleep and I would have to pry them open. Not a pretty site! It seemed like a nice area and I always enjoyed my visits. I really don't remember too much detail though. It's been 15 years since I've been there.


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## Sarah W

How is everyone doing? It's been quiet in here.

DH and I are doing pretty well. The unit that I'm in just got back from Iraq, so I'm dealing with everyone who decides they're going to go crazy.

The weather is getting nice! We went up N. to see the tulip fields a couple weeks ago, so beautiful! Now, we've been working on our yard, trying to get it ready to lay down sod.

I've got an area that I'm planning on putting a garden in, but I want to see how much sunlight it gets throughout the day. It's been so overcast lately that it's hard to tell.


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## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katsmamajama* 
Hey ladies,

Have any of you lived at Ft. Hood? We're apparently heading there after DH finishes school in August!

We were at Fort Hood for a few years. I cried when we drove in there for the first time. I thought it was awful. Fortunately, we discovered Belton and were lucky to land a rental house across the street from Belton lake. It was awesome. I ended up making friends in the Temple/Belton area and ended up liking it there. I never cared for the Killeen/Fort Hood area, and if we were ever sent back, I still wouldn't live over there. I wouldn't hesitate to move back to Belton.
As far as services, I was pretty disappointed with Fort Hood. It was pretty weak. I find Fort Bragg to be a much better base.
One nice thing is that Austin is only about an hour and a half away, and it's a great city.
Good luck there! I'm sure you'll find your niche.


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## ~Katie~

Welcome to May and welcome all newcomers!

We're having beautiful HOT weather today, supposed to get close to 90. We went to the beach yesterday so that was fun. Today DH is going to spend time with Liam while I take Laine to go pick out some flowers for the front flowerbed. Taking care of one kid is such a piece of cake now that I don't even mind taking her along with me.


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## ~Katie~

New thread for may/june!


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## MovingMomma

subbing!

We're nearing the halfway point of this deployment, but I'm not feeling







we're halfway there...more like







we're only halfway there...


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## MarineWife

Subbing

Man, I know what you mean about taking one kid on errands being a piece of cake.

I'm with you, Shannon, and I've only got 2 months left. I'm still feeling like it's so far away. I'm at that, I can't possibly do one more thing for someone else, stage. On a cool note, I think we're going to try geo caching when Sean gets home. He has a GPS in one of his boxes that he'll dig out. I can't get it now because he doesn't know which box and can't remember what it looks like. That should be fun, though.


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## angelisagemini

Hey ladies! I've been on mothering for awhile now, but never took part in this tribe.
My DH is in the Marines and we're currently trying to get all of the things we need done before we PCS to Japan this summer.
It's so stressful, but we're approved vaccine free and things are actually getting done now so that's great.
We have a one and only DS and are currently at Camp lejeune. Can't wait to get to know you ladies!


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## justKate

Katie--so glad to see your Huz is back!

Lots of hugs to everyone with a deployed spouse right now.

A little reintro/update on me: Huz is a Coastie, 11 years in. He's on a little hiatus from AD while he gets his MBA at Univ. TX here in Austin, for which we will owe the CG 4 years (so obviously we're doing 20). DD is 15 mos., was born in FL. We have about a year left here. I work FT now but am hoping to be a SAHM on our next tour.

I wanted to see if I could draw on some of the Tricare wisdom here--I'm starting to see a lot of sensory seeking behaviors in DD and would like to get her an OT evaluation. My understanding is that I need a prescription (referral?) from her doc to get one. Since she sees a DO rather than a pedi, would she have to see a pedi first? Anyone know if Tricare Prime would even cover this? I'm afraid to even call because everytime I do I feel like I get a different answer.

**subbing**


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Anyone know if Tricare Prime would even cover this? I'm afraid to even call because everytime I do I feel like I get a different answer.

I don't have any tips for the other part of your question, but I get way better service (faster, more accurate answers, and things actually get _done_) when I go in & speak w/Tricare in person rather than on the phone. Sure it's a PIA to go in, but it's worth it to me not to keep getting the run around on the phone.


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## gagin37

subbing

dh is supposed to go tdy for about 6 weeks (probably leaving this weekend, still waiting on orders), which I know is nothing compared to a deployment, but ds has never been away from 'dah' for that long, and is a total daddy's boy. I'm a bit worried how Robbie is going to take the absence of his favorite pal.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
On a cool note, I think we're going to try geo caching when Sean gets home. He has a GPS in one of his boxes that he'll dig out. I can't get it now because he doesn't know which box and can't remember what it looks like. That should be fun, though.

Geocaching is a lot of fun! I haven't done it in a while, but they are everywhere. There were caches in Afghanistan! It's something the whole family can do.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Geocaching is a lot of fun! I haven't done it in a while, but they are everywhere. There were caches in Afghanistan! It's something the whole family can do.

It sounds like a lot of fun. We have a little disagreement about what to do, though. My husband thinks we're supposed to find something and switch it for something else we leave. I thought we were just supposed to find things, not take them, but we can leave our own caches if we want.

I'm not sure about TC Prime since I use Standard, but if your DO is your PCM, s/he should be able to give you a referral for anything. I believe anything covered by Standard is also covered by Prime, in which case I think OT therapy would be covered unless things have changed in the last couple of years. It would've been covered for us if I had followed through with the referral my son's doc gave us for him for evaluation for SPD/SID.


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## Sarah W

Whether you take something or leave something new is up to you! Some of them are just fun puzzles, you find whatever and you are done. However, some are little containers, like coffee cans or jars. You can even make your own cache if you'd like.

They have little geocaching "bugs" that work in the same way that "Where's George?" dollar bils do. You go to the website and put the bug in so you can see where it has traveled.

Have you been to http://www.geocaching.com/ ? It's got a lot of great info.


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## CTH3989

Hi ladies, I'm Chelci. My DH is a Marine and we are stationed in Hawaii. He just got home from a deployment and is gearing up for another one at the end of the year.


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## sattygirl99

Can I thread crash even though I don't belong here yet?

I am mainly looking for advice and insight... From someone impartial and non-hormonal, lol.

DH is enlisting (Army) and while we were originally going to have him DEP in in November (4-6 weeks after baby #3 is born), one of the possibilities we've somewhat discussed is him going in sooner, so that he will be done with basic and schooling while the new baby is younger... And possibly get to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas since he'll already be in school then and not just basic training (boot)... If he's in school during a major holiday like Christmas, will he get the option to come home (probably on our dime but I'll make that work out, lol)?

I'm emotional and hormonal and so I am adamant on him waiting until the birth... But I see where he's coming from... that if he goes now, he'll come back when the new baby is more like 4 months old vs the baby being almost a year old. He says 'the baby will only care about you and the boob in those months anyway'. We will be staying in our hometown while he's away (we've contemplated following him to where ever his schooling is but it's on our dime and I don't want to move the kids, only to move them again 6 months later when we get orders) and our family is here so I won't be alone. He already works 80 hours a week so it's not like he's home much... but I guess its the thought of NOT seeing him during that time that gets me.

So, do we have anyone else here that is birthing without their spouse? I have 2 midwives as well as a doula, so I will have support. I may consider hiring a 2nd doula (I know of a few who need experience for certification) for additional support. I'm HBing and my MIL will be here for the kids (and me as well, but more the kids, lol).

I guess I'm nervous. I'm nervous regardless of when because we've never been apart like this... but maybe it IS better than he already have been gone and we've already developed our 'normal' routine before that crucial PP time where I'm more likely to develop depression instead of having him leave during the time that PPD most often occurs. It will already be a sense of normal by then and not a sudden shock.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that women do this every day, birth without their spouse. In reality, he won't have vacation time to take off very long after the birth, maybe just the day of and day after anyway so it's not like he'd be here... And he works nights, then part time days so really, I would be relying on my MIL for assitance then anyway.

Its hard to make this choice hormonal and pregnant and he's leaving the when aspect up to me. I wish he would just say 'I'm doing X because it's the best choice I can make'!

Thanks ladies for any support and reassurance you can offer.

Fe

(and sorry to thread crash!)


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## MommaKitten21

sattygirl99- My DH served in the Army for four years then got out. Due to the economy, and some really horrible circumstances, he set out to re-enlist.

I am 28 weeks pregnant with #2 and DH will be shipping out July 17th... a mere week before I am due. He will be gone for 8 months, and we will see him around Christmas, then again in May/June when he is completely done with schooling and we move to base together.

I am hormonal, I am nervous, I am scared, I am angry, I am happy, I am every emotion that there can be.

All I can say, is it is very, very important to set up a support system.

I know there is the option of them being able to come home for a 4 day leave if you contact them during labor, but my fear is that will force DH to miss something important during warrior training or AIT. So I am thinking we will not take this route, but it's definitely something I am looking into.

Honestly for you guys, how far into the process is he? I know it took DH a few months, and then look at his ship out date... another 4 months away from when he went to MEPS. So don't get defeated yet as once he goes through everything, he could get a date past your due date and be there for the birth.

Look at it this way.... there is honestly never a good time for your family to be split apart. You will never find the "right" time for that to happen... so you need to decide if you are 100% on board, or not, because if not... you are in for a long four years!

Believe in yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for the support you need!!!


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## sattygirl99

Thank you...

He's taking the ASVAB next week (I think he meant next Thursday and not tomorrow, lol) and I'll have all of the paperwork within the next 10 days. I'm just waiting on everything so we submit it all at once. The recruiter told me the process really wasn't that long and said he could probably leave in a month or 2 if we submitted all the medical paperwork right the first time (he has some surgeries we have to account for).

I think I'm overthinking it to much... And that's what he and I just talked about. I'm 100% on board with him doing this and it being good for him, good for our family. But then I think of my OWN personal fears... Being alone, birthing alone, etc. There is no good time and he and I have even discussed that. At least if he went in sooner vs later than we'd see for Christmas (maybe Thanksgiving?)... And the baby would be younger when he got his orders vs being so much older. He'll miss those very early months but he has a point that really, the baby doesn't want him in those times anyway...

I have a good support system with my IL's. I don't forsee being able to rely on my parents much for emotionally support, they are more self centered than I'd ever like to admit. But I have military friends locally (both Navy and Army), plus non-military friends, support groups that I'm already part of (birthing groups, LLL, breastfeeding groups, etc.). I will most likely hire another doula to add an additional support person during my birth. I was aware he could get leave during the time if I called during labor but I too would be afraid of him missing something crucial while he's home or confusing the kids. My DD is young will be only 20 months when the baby comes and won't be able to understand as well.

Thank you for your post. It makes me feel more normal. This is the best chocie we can make for our family but it's hard to imagine your best friend being taken away from you for so long, when you've never been separated like that. It's hard to pull yourself away from the hormones, especially pregnancy. But as I told him... Really, I'm just getting bigger and bigger at this point. The only thing that may change is that I may go ahead and opt for an ultrasound and and maybe find out the gender since he won't be here for birth. We need to just make a decision and stick with it and know that our marriage is strong, we are strong and our family is strong. We can survive anything, we just have to believe and have faith. Way easier said than done!

Thank you very much... This is what I needed. Other people going through this too so I'm not strange, I'm not alone...


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
there is honestly never a good time for your family to be split apart. You will never find the "right" time for that to happen.

That's the truth. A very important aspect of military life is learning to be flexible. Nothing is ever written in stone. You have to be ready for changes all the time. Someone may tell you that everything is going to go X, Y, Z like clockwork but there is no guarantee. And when things change, there usually isn't anything you can do about it.

I gave birth to my 3rd child halfway through my dh's year long IA deployment to Iraq. I had a homebirth with a midwife, her assistant, a doula and my mother to help with ds2, who was 3.5yo at the time. Turned out I didn't need my doula. My midwife and her assistant were enough for my labor and birth. I don't live close to my family so my mother was only able to stay for a couple of weeks. I didn't have anyone to help me after she left, which I really could've used. Shoot, I could seriously use some help now and my youngest are 6 and almost 3.









My dh was home for ds2's birth but had to leave for a few weeks after his 10 days of paternity leave. After that dh was home (if you don't count all the short trips to the "field") until ds2 was about 5 months old. Then he was gone until ds2 was 15 months old. Almost the opposite of how things worked out with ds3. He was gone from the time I was about 3 months pregnant until ds3 was 7 months old (with one 2 week visit when ds3 was 4 months). Then he was home until ds3 was 22 months. Even when he's home, though, he's not really home. He's always traveling for 2 weeks here and a month there for training. For example, right now he's not deployed but he's at a school for 6 months half the country away. For all intents and purposes for us, he might as well be deployed but the military considers him home. It's always hard when my husband is gone. I don't think I could say that any one time was better or worse than any other.

That's been our experience with the Marines. The Army may work a little differently.


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## madis81

sattygirl, I wrote a nice long response when my toddler pulled the power supply from the back of my laptop! Grrr... I don't have time to rewrite the whole post, but I will tell you that I am right there with you. I'm Pregnant. DH is leaving for BCT, followed by AIT in a few months and will likely be gone when the baby is born. Right now I'm trying to focus on the positive things that the Army does have to offer and building up a support team. That seems to helps keep the pregnancy hormones and emotions in check.

We still have to tell family, and I'm sure they are going to flip out because 1. OMGosh, he's doing what?!?! and 2. He's leaving her while she's pregnant! What a terrible DH and 3. Isn't he old for joining the Army? He'll get killed! My family is far from supportive, so I'm preparing myself for their reactions as
well. I support my husband 100%, and we know what we're getting into. My DH has wanted to join for years and we've researched benefits, allowances, war zones, bases, family life in the Army, soldier life (what am I missing?).... just about everything, before we made our decision to join. I feel like I have to write a speech to deliver to them. HA!


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## Soul-O

I'm back after a bit of an absence. I'm glad to see that all of you are doing well, and many of you have DHs at home again (Yay Katie!). As for me, I got a BFP the day after my DH went back to Iraq from his R & R, and have been pretty sick/tired from about week 4 until now (12 weeks today). As well, this is a pregnancy that follows three consecutive miscarriages, so lots of fear and anxiety etc. It's been pretty difficult to do everything my boys need when I really don't feel up to getting out of bed most of the time, but I'm starting to feel better and can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been doing my best to avoid the cattle call at the Madigan OB dept. and be very zen about the early part of pregnancy, but given my high risk status, I'll be in there more regularly in the coming months. Anyhow, I'm just looking forward to sunnier days, more activities for all of us, and having that 2nd tri burst of energy







.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 









I wanted to see if I could draw on some of the Tricare wisdom here--I'm starting to see a lot of sensory seeking behaviors in DD and would like to get her an OT evaluation. My understanding is that I need a prescription (referral?) from her doc to get one. Since she sees a DO rather than a pedi, would she have to see a pedi first? Anyone know if Tricare Prime would even cover this? I'm afraid to even call because everytime I do I feel like I get a different answer.

**subbing**

If the DO is your DD's PCM, then he or she will take care of the referral. You should receive a referral authorization in the mail within 7 to 10 days of the PCM's request.

Looking forward to more updates. Take care, and Happy Mother's Day to all of you.


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## ~Katie~

Congratulations, Tabitha! Sending lots of healthy pregnancy and baby vibes


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## MommaKitten21

Congrats Soul-O!!!!









Things on our end are ok... just trying to prepare for DH to leave July 17th. The midwife mentioned to me yesterday that the beginning of July she could check me, and we could try to induce at home and all, but I am just scared to do that. Of course, if it would work, and allow DH to be here while I birth instead of seeing his new baby at 6 months of age, that's a plus... so who knows!!

On a completely positive note....my last day of work is a week from today... so yay for being a stay at home mom again! Forever this time!!









How are things going with you Katie? Is anyone in trouble for the stunt that was pulled over in Kuwait?


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## sattygirl99

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madis81* 
sattygirl, I wrote a nice long response when my toddler pulled the power supply from the back of my laptop! Grrr... I don't have time to rewrite the whole post, but I will tell you that I am right there with you. I'm Pregnant. DH is leaving for BCT, followed by AIT in a few months and will likely be gone when the baby is born. Right now I'm trying to focus on the positive things that the Army does have to offer and building up a support team. That seems to helps keep the pregnancy hormones and emotions in check.

We still have to tell family, and I'm sure they are going to flip out because 1. OMGosh, he's doing what?!?! and 2. He's leaving her while she's pregnant! What a terrible DH and 3. Isn't he old for joining the Army? He'll get killed! My family is far from supportive, so I'm preparing myself for their reactions as
well. I support my husband 100%, and we know what we're getting into. My DH has wanted to join for years and we've researched benefits, allowances, war zones, bases, family life in the Army, soldier life (what am I missing?).... just about everything, before we made our decision to join. I feel like I have to write a speech to deliver to them. HA!

Oh honey, this is me completely... My IL's know and are supportive... However my husband has always been geared towards military... He says he didn't tkae 4 years of ROTC in high school for nothing! LOL. My family on the other hand, is very military negative. My dad was navy when he and my mom got married and she 'made him' get out because it wasn't 'the life she wanted for herself'. I support my husband 110%, they are going to tell me how stupid we are and how I need to be prepared to be a single mom forever (this is the same mom who told me if I homebirth, I will die and leave my kids behind, lol)... I'm not looking forward to it and am not telling my family until he's contracted and we have a date for him to leave. Good luck and I know how you feel in that regard!


----------



## MarineWife

Soul-O ~ Congratulations!







I guess it's true that you can always tell when the guys were home by counting back 9 months.









I'm sorry some of you will have to deal with unsupportive family. It's too bad people can't just realize things will be tough and step up to help rather than trying to make us feel bad about our decisions. I guess maybe that's the only way some people can express their concern.


----------



## ~Katie~

I don't know much in terms of who got in trouble, I'm sure we'll find out eventually. I think it became a situation of someone doing the right thing by exposing the incompetency doing on and the rest of the chain of common coming down of them and trying to cover it up. I'm really disgusted with the whole thing and kind of feeling like everything is a big lie at the moment. I realize not all units are like this, but I do have a certain level of disillusionment going on.

DH's adjustment back in the family has been spectacular. DD took a few hours to warm up to him and then was nothing but "da da". We had been showing her pictures of him and saying "da da" while he was gone and she seemed to have picked it right up. DS was mad at him for a little while but after that it was like he hasn't left, in fact he rarely gives him a moment of peace







My adjustment has been a little more difficult, I didn't realize how on edge and anxious and type-A and CLEAN FREAK I've become until he came home. I'm learning how to delegate tasks to him, and it's hard learning to consult with someone again. I'm getting there though. DH has completely abandoned his deployment routine and has pretty much slipped back into life as if nothing had changed.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
My adjustment has been a little more difficult, I didn't realize how on edge and anxious and type-A and CLEAN FREAK I've become until he came home. I'm learning how to delegate tasks to him, and it's hard learning to consult with someone again. I'm getting there though.

That's always difficult. It's hard when you get used to doing things your own way for so long and then, all of a sudden, there's another person there that you have to constantly consider. About 2 weeks after my dh returned from his first deployment, we were sitting at the dinner table and I asked him if I could tell him something without him getting upset. He kind of shrugged and said, cautiously, "Maybe." I told him in a lovingly way that he was really getting on my nerves. We both had a good laugh over it because we knew it was part of the transition.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Soul-O ~ Congratulations!







I guess it's true that you can always tell when the guys were home by counting back 9 months.









I'm sorry some of you will have to deal with unsupportive family. It's too bad people can't just realize things will be tough and step up to help rather than trying to make us feel bad about our decisions. I guess maybe that's the only way some people can express their concern.









Thanks for the congrats, everyone. I'm still anxious and kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop (which, after three consecutive losses is pretty understandable!), but things seem to be progressing normally at this point.

Anyhow, just wanted the new military moms to know that you are not alone in facing family opposition. My DH went active duty in July 2006 after his civilian employer told him he had to choose the CA Nat'l Guard or them (like he could choose - his Guard obligation at the time was 6 more years!). We left our lucrative corporate positions and moved across the country, from fancy and expensive Orange County, CA to hot, spartan Fort Gordon, GA with a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and a 6 week old. DH had OCS written into his AD contract, so we knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel financially speaking, still those first two years were pretty tough, and I hated being away from my family and friends. Almost four years later, I feel certain that we made the right choice. Our previous jobs were eliminated, our former landlord went into foreclosure, and the economy where we lived in OC has pretty much turned upside down. As it stands now, we are financially stable and my DH is doing the work that he loves. My family has always been supportive - DH's family much less so. His dad is a former hippie who spent many years protesting the Vietnam war, and his brother is very liberal/anti-military, so we get consistent pressure from them to find a better way to make a living







. Still, I try to focus on the fact that we feel good about our decisions and are supporting each other and our family.


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## Katsmamajama

Congrats, Soul-O!







Your EDD is 3 days before DD2's 1st birthday-- It's a good week.









I guess it's all official now: DH had his levy briefing last week, should get his paper orders this week. He's going to Mortuary Affairs school June-August and the we'll call Ft. Hood "home" after that!

I hate feeling like the clueless wife, but I honestly have NO CLUE what his job is. There's no solid info out there-- just little snippets of this and that. There's apparently no boards like aviation wives have. I'm coming to the conclusion that my husband will now be one of the "dirty little secrets" for the rest of his career. He's just happy he can stay gainfully employed by the military and not medically removed from the military.

So, I'm taking a tiny break in between trying to sort and pack our house, and taking care of my little floor buffer.  She's getting mobile, I hope my mom knows what she's in for in the next few months!  Not so sure how the plane will be from HI to OH, but I'm stoked to go home!


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## gagin37

Happy Mother's Day ladies!!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Thanks for the congrats, everyone. I'm still anxious and kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop (which, after three consecutive losses is pretty understandable!), but things seem to be progressing normally at this point.









I know how hard all of that is. Getting past week 12 is a very good sign.


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## ~Katie~

Happy mothers day!!!


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katsmamajama* 
Not so sure how the plane will be from HI to OH, but I'm stoked to go home!









Where in Ohio is home?? I'm in Ohio... and while DH is moving to Fort Gordon for 8 months, it's looking like we will be staying behind









Happy Mother's Day ladies!!!! I hope it was a special day!


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## michelleklu

I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day! We're still transitioning in Fort Drum. I was hoping someone here could explain the benefits and downfalls of Tricare standard, prime, and the US Family Health Plan (mostly this part). I read their flyer and information on their site but I have different questions.

Would it be easier to find a pediatrician who would be okay with non-vaxing through the US Family Health Plan or do all the Tricare programs pretty much have the same network of doctors?

Which program would cover the most for homebirth?

Is it really a lot easier to deal with referrals and emergency visits through the USFHP?

How would I go about finding a holistic dentist or would Tricare cover anything like that?


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## sattygirl99

nevermind! a friend of mine was able to help me find a comparison website for insurance!

Thanks


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## MarineWife

I have not heard of the US Family Health Plan. Is that something new? I'll google it in a bit. As far as I know, all the Tricare programs have the same network of civilian doctors, which might be dwindling soon after government cuts to payments. There is a clause that most people don't realize is there that gives you the ability to go to any doctor, whether in network or not, whenever you want without a referral whether you have Prime or Standard. As long as the doctor is licensed and in good standing and the treatment is covered by Tricare, they will cover it. It may just cost you more depending on whether you have Prime or Standard and on whether or not the doc will accept the Tricare payment. With Standard you don't need any kind of statement or referral. You can go to whomever you want whenever you want. Standard is an 80/20 split after you cover your deductible, which is either $100 or $150 per person per fiscal year depending on rank. You can get outside care with Prime without a referral or statement of nonavailability but it will cost you more, 50% cost share after a $300 deductible, I believe. If you see an out-of-network provider, you may have to pay up to 15% above the TC payment in addition to your deductible and cost share but you'll never have to pay more than that.

Tricare will only cover a homebirth with a Tricare certified CNM, no CPMs or lay MWs. I've heard it's relatively easy for a CNM to get TC certification so her services can be covered. If you have Prime and want your homebirth services covered 100%, I think you have to get a Statement of Nonavailability from your MTF giving you permission to get care outside the MTF. Those can be hard to get depending on the circumstances of the MTF. When I tried to get one from Tripler AMC in Hawaii I was refused because they said they could provide all the care I needed. Around here they are routine because the MTF doesn't have the capacity for the number of TC beneficiaries in the area. If you've already been referred for outside care, it's not a problem.

On nonvaxing, I have Standard and can't go to the MTF here because they are overfull with Prime people so I don't have experience with military docs and not vaxing. A friend of mine says you are slightly safer taking your non-vaxed kids to a MTF because, even if they give you a hard time about it, they can't refuse to treat you or your children the way a civilian doc can. Although, actually, a civilian doc can't refuse to treat someone without at least referring them to someone who will. I stick with FPs and GPs for routine stuff with my kids and haven't had any trouble. I've never had a doc refuse to see my kids.

We got a little flack at the ped's office I had taken them to a couple of times. The record keeper (not even a nurse) said she was going to talk to the doc about us even though I had already informed him and one other that we didn't vax and they didn't seem to mind too much. I never took the kids back there but I don't do regular check ups, anyway. I heard they changed their policy so that they won't respect delayed or selective vaxers but will respect complete non-vaxers. Kind of dumb.

I'm not sure how a holistic dentist is different from a "regular" one. I would think TC would pay for any covered services as long as the dentist was licensed and in good standing. Again, how much you have to pay would depend on whether or not the dentist was in-network and the service provided.

I am very partial to Standard and have not had any experience with Prime so take this FWIW. With Standard I think I have a lot more freedom and choice. I don't need referrals for anything. I don't need to name a PCM that I have to go to every time before seeing a specialist, which ime is a waste of time and money since the PCMs have always referred me to a specialist even for things I didn't think I needed a specialist for. If there is space at the MTF, I can see docs there and save money. I can always use the MTF labs, radiology and pharmacy for free with my civilian doc referrals. I saw military docs for my pregnancy when we lived in Hawaii because I had no choice. Except for the fact that I gave birth in the hospital, it wasn't a bad experience but wasn't ideal.


----------



## ~Katie~

MW pretty much answered everything for you







I'm also much happier on standard and agree that there is more freedom when you don't have to get referrals. The majority of the care we seek is not covered by Tricare anyway, and a lot of the doctors in our area don't take Tricare because they'll end up being flooded with patients because there's a shortage of doctors. I was actually denied care by a doctor's office because they wouldn't take or bill Tricare and said that letting me pay out of pocket is a federal crime because I already had insurance. Tricare told me that wasn't true, but I have no recourse.

What was that somebody said about counting back 9 months to know when the guys come home.....


----------



## MarineWife

I just did a quick search of the US Family Health Plan. That appears to be a private insurance plan that is offered to military families that is exclusive to the Saint Vincent's Catholic Medical Centers. It appears to only be in New York? It appears to work the same way as Prime but it's not associated with Tricare or the military or the government at all. I didn't check to see if covered services are comparable. I guess maybe you could enroll in that if it would give you more choices of docs to see. If you enroll in TC Prime but don't like the military docs available to you, you could try the St. Vincent docs. If you stay Standard, you could try the St. Vincent docs first to save some money. I think it would be considered dual medical insurance and would become your default primary medical insurance with TC being secondary. Other than access to more docs without deductibles and cost shares/copays, I don't see any other benefit to joining.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I was actually denied care by a doctor's office because they wouldn't take or bill Tricare and said that letting me pay out of pocket is a federal crime because I already had insurance. Tricare told me that wasn't true, but I have no recourse.

Yeah, that's not true. You can always pay cash up front and file a claim yourself to get reimbursed. I did it when I was seeing a fertility specialist in Hawaii. Tricare even helped me when I found out he was overcharging me. I guess if you went someone else for care, there isn't anything you could do about it. If that doc didn't give you a referral to someone else, you could possibly file a complaint against him/her for that.

I've run into some ignorance by office staff who don't understand that I don't need a referral when I have Standard. That's a little annoying but usually easily cleared up. There was one person at a doc's office in Hawaii who kept insisting I couldn't come to them without a referral and just couldn't or wouldn't understand how Standard worked and I eventually gave up with them and went somewhere else. Oh, I remember. It was for physical therapy/sports medicine stuff.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Yeah, that's not true. You can always pay cash up front and file a claim yourself to get reimbursed. I did it when I was seeing a fertility specialist in Hawaii. Tricare even helped me when I found out he was overcharging me. I guess if you went someone else for care, there isn't anything you could do about it. If that doc didn't give you a referral to someone else, you could possibly file a complaint against him/her for that.

I've run into some ignorance by office staff who don't understand that I don't need a referral when I have Standard. That's a little annoying but usually easily cleared up. There was one person at a doc's office in Hawaii who kept insisting I couldn't come to them without a referral and just couldn't or wouldn't understand how Standard worked and I eventually gave up with them and went somewhere else. Oh, I remember. It was for physical therapy/sports medicine stuff.

That was what Tricare said, but the office wouldn't even schedule me an appointment for the kids when they found out I had Tricare. There aren't enough doctors here for everyone so the waiting lists are a mile long and forget about getting a doctor who will see non-vaxers, I'm called every competent doctor in a 50 mile radius. It's incredibly frustrating because that was one of the only offices actively taking patients.


----------



## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Where in Ohio is home?? I'm in Ohio... and while DH is moving to Fort Gordon for 8 months, it's looking like we will be staying behind









Happy Mother's Day ladies!!!! I hope it was a special day!

Just east of Columbus is home!







I hear that I should be accustomed to the humidity of Hood because if it.  We'll see about that!


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## appifanie

Hey all









I live in Anzio acres and my neighbors have crime scene tape up around their house. Anyone know anything going on? Husband leaving soonish and I'm trying to figure out how freaked out/scared I am with something so serious as to deserve crime scene tape and the CID -

Thanks!


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appifanie* 
Hey all









I live in Anzio acres and my neighbors have crime scene tape up around their house. Anyone know anything going on? Husband leaving soonish and I'm trying to figure out how freaked out/scared I am with something so serious as to deserve crime scene tape and the CID -

Thanks!

If it happened today it likely won't make the news for a while, they're really slow about putting stuff in the news if it ends up there at all. Hopefully it's nothing too serious.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
That was what Tricare said, but the office wouldn't even schedule me an appointment for the kids when they found out I had Tricare. There aren't enough doctors here for everyone so the waiting lists are a mile long and forget about getting a doctor who will see non-vaxers, I'm called every competent doctor in a 50 mile radius. It's incredibly frustrating because that was one of the only offices actively taking patients.

The waiting list is for seeing military docs? We have a serious shortage of docs here, too. Since I don't go for check ups I don't worry about it too much. If you don't vax, there's really no need to take the kids to the doc every few months. I just take my kids to one of the many walk-in urgent care places if they are very sick or hurt. When they ask if the kids are up to date on their vaxes, I say that they are. That's not really a lie because, as far as I'm concerned, they are.

I rarely take my kids to the doc, though. I don't need to take my kids to the doc once a year to be told they are healthy. I can see that they are. One doc once told me that my kids were the healthiest he'd ever seen. I thought to myself, "That's because I don't bring them to the doc's office where all the sick people are all the time."







I had another doc who was shocked that none of us were on any meds and that my 2yo had never had antibiotics. We don't go for normal illnesses like colds or flus or fevers. I only take them if it seems really serious, like when ds3 ended up having MRSA. I thought it was a spider bite.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
The waiting list is for seeing military docs? We have a serious shortage of docs here, too. Since I don't go for check ups I don't worry about it too much. I just take my kids to one of the many walk-in urgent care places if they are very sick or hurt. When they ask if the kids are up to date on their vaxes, I say that they are. That's not really a lie because, as far as I'm concerned, they are. I rarely take my kids to the doc, though. We don't go for normal illnesses like colds or flus or fevers. I only take them if it seems really serious, like when ds3 ended up having MRSA. I thought it was a spider bite.

Urgent care is the only option for us as well, and at least it only costs me $15-$20 or so depending on what they're seen for. One doctor in particular here who is a civilian doc has a waiting list over 200 people long and is declining new patients indefinitely. Most civilian doctors won't accept new patients under the age of 5. We just don't have enough doctors for the volume of people, forget even trying to be seen at Womack if you have standard.


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## justKate

MMMmm the joys of Tricare.

We have been Prime for a while now, and I've had no major complaints as our last 2 assignments have been remote w/o a military facility available, so we end up with civilian providers anyway. One thing I didn't really think about before choosing Prime/Standard: DD was born Feb '09 in a civilian hospital (Lower Keys Medical Center), airlifted in a helo to Miami Children's Hospital, and stayed there in the NICU for 3 weeks. Can you imagine what the bill would have been on Standard? The NICU bill was about $2500/day. Our bill was $12.50. Then three months later they sent us a check reimbursing that.










I might think differently when we're back with military PCMs though....

Soul-O, congrats! Sticky vibes to your little one....


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Urgent care is the only option for us as well, and at least it only costs me $15-$20 or so depending on what they're seen for. One doctor in particular here who is a civilian doc has a waiting list over 200 people long and is declining new patients indefinitely. Most civilian doctors won't accept new patients under the age of 5. We just don't have enough doctors for the volume of people, forget even trying to be seen at Womack if you have standard.

I'm afraid this may only get worse with the new budget cuts. Docs aren't going to want to accept the measly payments that TC is offering.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
One thing I didn't really think about before choosing Prime/Standard: DD was born Feb '09 in a civilian hospital (Lower Keys Medical Center), airlifted in a helo to Miami Children's Hospital, and stayed there in the NICU for 3 weeks. Can you imagine what the bill would have been on Standard? The NICU bill was about $2500/day.

There's an annual catastrophic cap. Once you reach that, 100% of your medical expenses are covered. It's not very high. You probably would've met that the first day your DD was at the NICU.


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## MarineWife

Just checked to make sure before I gave a figure. The catastrophic cap for Standard is what I thought, $1000/fiscal year/per family.


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## michelleklu

Thank you all for the advice, especially MarineWife! I'm still debating over Standard and the US Family Health Plan. I also rarely take my 2 year old to the doctor. The last time she went was last year after falling off the bed and biting her tongue really deeply. It was a pain in the butt because we were overseas and had to wait hours for a referral since it was in the middle of the night.

Since we have had problems with referrals (probably since I don't really understand), so with Standard you have a PCM but you don't have to talk to them about going to a specialist? When you want to see a specialist you just ask if they take Tricare then submit a claim the next day? Also, you have to pay co-pays for medicine but if its a lifelong condition does the military pay more for it?

FWIW, I'm probably going to try the US Family Health Care Plan just to see what its like. I called doctors in this area and a lot of them don't really care if I don't want to vaccinate. I just find it strange that most of them are not available for a meet and greet consultation.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelleklu* 
Since we have had problems with referrals (probably since I don't really understand), so with Standard you have a PCM but you don't have to talk to them about going to a specialist? When you want to see a specialist you just ask if they take Tricare then submit a claim the next day? Also, you have to pay co-pays for medicine but if its a lifelong condition does the military pay more for it?

With Standard you don't have to choose or name a PCM. You just see whomever you want to see. You don't have to check with TC or submit any claim with TC before seeing the doc. To find a doc you can check on the TC website or call a rep and get a list of docs who are in-network so your copays will be less or you can just call a doc's office and ask if they take TC Standard. That's using the TC Extra option so that your costs will be less. An in-network doc has agreed to accept the TC allowable charge as full payment so all you have to pay is your copay, usually 10-15%. Just because a doc says s/he takes TC doesn't necessarily mean s/he is in-network so you might want to ask if you are concerned about the cost. If they take TC but are not in-network, they can charge you up to 15% above the TC allowable charge. Then you'd have to pay your copay plus the extra they charge at the time of the doc visit and they file the claim with TC to get the rest of the payment. It still doesn't get too expensive. For example, if the TC allowable charge is $100 and you have to pay a 15% copay plus 15% above the charge, it's only $30. Even if the doc doesn't take TC, you can still see that doc. You'd just have to pay the doc in full and file your own claim to get directly reimbursed by TC. Even with that, by law, the doc can't charge you more than 15% above the TC allowable charge.

If you use a civilian pharmacy to fill prescriptions, you will have a copay. For generics is usually only $3.00. I think the most I've ever paid for a prescription was $9.00 but that might've been a 3 month supply. You can use the mail order pharmacy. That's probably more convenient for regular medications. It might be a little cheaper. I'm not sure about that. However, you can always use the MTF pharmacy and get your meds for free. You can even get certain OTC meds for free at the MTF pharmacy after you take a class. You can also take scripts or orders from civilian docs for lab work and radiology to the MTF and they'll honor them. The MTF labs and such will accept faxed orders, too, so you don't have to go back and forth getting them yourself.


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## MarineWife

I know I've posted a lot about this but I wanted to add some stuff. All the things I described that you can do with Standard you can also do with Prime. It just costs more. If you have Prime, I think the per person deductible if you see a civilian doc without a referral is $300 and the copay/cost share is 50%. As long as it's a covered treatment, TC will pay at least 50% of the TC allowable charge. Also, with Standard you can see docs at the MTF for free on a space available basis. The way that worked in Hawaii was that I would have to call around noon each day to see if they had any openings. I couldn't make an appointment ahead of time. They rarely had openings so it was usually a waste of time but you do have that option. Here at Camp LeJeune I've been told they don't have any space available so I can't even get in on a cancellation.


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## MovingMomma

We've always been on Prime. Our docs are all out in town, and I've never had a problem with a referral. When we've needed one, the PCM set it up and we went to the specialist w/out a glitch. I've never paid a dime for healthcare other than my homebirth and dental expenses.


----------



## LeslieB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelleklu* 
I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day! We're still transitioning in Fort Drum. I was hoping someone here could explain the benefits and downfalls of Tricare standard, prime, and the US Family Health Plan (mostly this part). I read their flyer and information on their site but I have different questions.

Would it be easier to find a pediatrician who would be okay with non-vaxing through the US Family Health Plan or do all the Tricare programs pretty much have the same network of doctors?

Which program would cover the most for homebirth?

Is it really a lot easier to deal with referrals and emergency visits through the USFHP?

How would I go about finding a holistic dentist or would Tricare cover anything like that?

I had US Family Health Plan when I lived in Massachusetts and New Hampshire. I LOVED it. So much better, and my favorite part was that they covered Chiropractor visit. It was a limited amount per year, but STILL! I used them for all their visits. I found so many civilian doctors who accepted it, and I found a fantastic Pedi in Mass who was perfectly fine with us not vaxing. I don't know anything about homebirth. I didn't have any referrals while on it, so I can't help you with that either. I did have two ER visits without any issue whatsoever. I definitely recommend them and wouldn't hesitate to switch back if were ever in their area again.


----------



## Alohamelly

Just skimmed the posts, sorry for not having more to say, but I just want to sub.









Congratulations, Tabitha on your pregnancy! How exciting!

We are 7 months into our deployment and have R&R coming up in a few weeks and we are all very happy about that and looking forward to it. This deployment has gone by pretty fast, but it helps that I've been so busy.


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## wifey2kevin

hi! i'm new here. my name is kristin and i'm married to kevin. he is in the air force and we are currently stationed at pope afb, nc. we have 3 little ones...kaylynn(3.5), jackson(2), and carsyn(8 months). i'm hoping it's ok if i jump in here!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wifey2kevin* 
hi! i'm new here. my name is kristin and i'm married to kevin. he is in the air force and we are currently stationed at pope afb, nc. we have 3 little ones...kaylynn(3.5), jackson(2), and carsyn(8 months). i'm hoping it's ok if i jump in here!









welcome! my family is at Pope right now too, although we live off base.


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## MommaKitten21

Welcome Kristin!


----------



## ~Katie~

Welcome Kristin!


----------



## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Just checked to make sure before I gave a figure. The catastrophic cap for Standard is what I thought, $1000/fiscal year/per family.

OMG I wish I knew that before!









Sounds like we'll be moving over to Standard then!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
OMG I wish I knew that before!









Sounds like we'll be moving over to Standard then!

And the thing about that is that it includes your usual deductible and all copays/cost shares for doc visits, labs and scripts. If you had been on Standard while you were pg, all of your costs for your prenatal care and birth would've gone toward your catastrophic cap. If your DD was born in the same fiscal year, you probably wouldn't have owed much, if anything, for her NICU stay.


----------



## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
And the thing about that is that it includes your usual deductible and all copays/cost shares for doc visits, labs and scripts. If you had been on Standard while you were pg, all of your costs for your prenatal care and birth would've gone toward your catastrophic cap. If your DD was born in the same fiscal year, you probably wouldn't have owed much, if anything, for her NICU stay.

Alright, that's it. MW, I'm adopting you as my mentor for all such issues! See what happens when you're helpful? More responsibility and nothing it in for you....


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Alright, that's it. MW, I'm adopting you as my mentor for all such issues! See what happens when you're helpful? More responsibility and nothing it in for you....

















That's what I tell my dh when he complains about being named the officer of whatever. The more you do the more people expect from you.


----------



## appifanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
If it happened today it likely won't make the news for a while, they're really slow about putting stuff in the news if it ends up there at all. Hopefully it's nothing too serious.

it happened mother's day - still no word. crime scene tape still up. i'm sure something awful happened


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## gagin37

In case any of the Bragg/Pope ladies are interested, the Fort Bragg Le Leche League group is meeting tomorrow (Friday) morning at Nijmegen Neighborhood Center, 2 Douve Pl, Fort Bragg from 10-11:30. Come on over and talk about breastfeeding! I think the meeting is part 1 this month.


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## BaMo

*Tricare Standard Question* ~ for all of you mamas in the know. I switched to Tricare Standard so that I could give birth at a birthing center. The birthing center takes Standard, but they still want me to pay $1600 upfront for the birth. Does this sound right to you? If my cap is a $1000, then how do I go around this? Do I just tell them to bill Tricare? I'm afraid that if I pay out the $1600, then I'll never see my money again.

TIA for any help or insight!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BaMo* 
*Tricare Standard Question* ~ for all of you mamas in the know. I switched to Tricare Standard so that I could give birth at a birthing center. The birthing center takes Standard, but they still want me to pay $1600 upfront for the birth. Does this sound right to you? If my cap is a $1000, then how do I go around this? Do I just tell them to bill Tricare? I'm afraid that if I pay out the $1600, then I'll never see my money again.

TIA for any help or insight!

Call Tricare and ask how much they pay for a birthing center birth and how much your share will be.


----------



## ~Katie~

We FINALLY got the news we've been waiting for about DH's job. We're going back to NY in August next year, the Syracuse area. DH will have a job with his NG unit with the same pay since they have a slot for him (thank, gah!) and will be deploying again in early 2012. But, we'll be a lot closer to family so that will make life easier. He won't be allowed to go to the captain's course until 2013 when he gets back from his deployment, but after that he can decide whether he wants to stay in as active duty or get out. We'll have to figure out what to do for a house since we'll be in a high buy area, I don't know how I feel about buying a house but I want to be in a safe, family friendly location.


----------



## MarineWife

Katie ~ Sounds like you are happy about that. Yay!









My dh told just told me he's going to have to stay in OK for a week longer than originally planned. He's taking an Army course and, apparently, the Marines have an extra week of training. They usually get it done sometime during the regular course time but this time they won't get to it until after his course is over. We had planned a week-long trip starting 5 days after his original date to be home. Now that has to be canceled. Luckily, my mom reserved two weeks for her timeshare so we will still be able to go. It will just be about a week later. (hopefully).


----------



## ~Katie~

I think at this point I'm just happy he'll still have a job. My FIL told DH that somebody told him (you know how that goes) that he could still stay active duty (His NG unit told him he couldn't) but I don't know how true that is. I know DH is still thinking about it, the big reason being housing. I like the current timeline with his NG unit, and then being able to start from scratch once he's done there. It will be a lot easier on me to be closer to family during a deployment, only 5 hours from my DH's family (who I'm closer to) and about 2 hours from my brother. The only thing I'm really nervous about is buying a house knowing that we'll be moving again in a couple of years, I know nothing about the home buying process.

I hope your DH gets home on time, MW!


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## Atranquildoula

Hi, my name is Trina. We moved to the Fort Lewis area in April 09. I have 2 little boys (8 and 4). I homeschool them. Currently I am working as a Holistic Doula and was trained by Whapio Diane Bartlet.

I don't live on base. We had the option to move on recently but we live out in the country and I like it where we are at. Anyway, I am just looking forward to talking to mother military wives here. I guess you all already know what it feels like to be a crunchy military wife.


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## Katsmamajama

Woah, I'm in the single digits before we say aloha to the rock!!!!

This time next week, we'll be in the air-- it's finally hitting me that holy cow, we're going into that odd transitional/homeless phase!!! Eeek!!! Sunday we pick up a rental car, Monday we drop DH's car at port, Tuesday they pick up HHG's, and we fly Wed/Thurs to my parentals' house in Ohio. It seems like it's going so incredibly fast!! Yikes!!


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## sattygirl99

Nevermind... After talking to DH, I think he got where I was coming from!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
The only thing I'm really nervous about is buying a house knowing that we'll be moving again in a couple of years, I know nothing about the home buying process.

A lot of spouses/children stay with extended family during deployments. Maybe that would be an option for you if you stay AD. I think if you're gone more than 3 months you have to give up base housing and put all your stuff in storage but you may still actually make money off the deal because you'd still get BAH. That's the only reason I considered doing that. I've heard of people saving all their BAH during a deployment. That's a lot of money.

We've bought two houses so far. The first was great. We didn't know it when we bought it but we ended up living in it for only 2 years because dh joined the Marines. But it was in such a high-demand area and long before the bubble burst that it sold fast and we made a lot of money off it. The house we bought here is more of a problem. Lots of houses in my neighborhood are up for sale now because it's summer and everyone likes to move during the summer. They sit for months, though, and won't sell for nearly as much as was expected. Because we're afraid we may lose money if we tried to sell our house now (although now I'm not so sure based on what others in my neighborhood are asking for theirs), we've decided to stay here for at least another 3 years. If nothing else, we'll have more equity in the house. It's a little stressful. The thing that bothers me the most is that I want to really decorate the house and do some home improvements, granite counter tops and new flooring in the kitchen and bathrooms, but then it doesn't seem worth it if we're just going to sell in a couple of years. I am definitely considering base housing or renting wherever we go next just for those reasons.

Sattygirl ~ I'm glad your dh got you. I was going to post that I didn't think you were being selfish at all. If I had the choice, I'd absolutely expect my dh to wait to enlist if it meant a guarantee that he'd be home for the birth and at least the first few PP weeks.


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## ~Katie~

Have a great trip, Angie!

MW - If he stays AD, what will happen to him is totally up in the air. He'll most likely stay here until a slot opens up where he wants to go and he'll be deploying earlier than he would if he goes back to NY. That's why I think we're leaning toward going to NY because we at least have a plan, I know we're going to reach a point where we can start from scratch and decide where we want to go from there. We're going to spend next spring/summer visiting and doing research. There are several really good, high demand communities to live in so the ideal situation would be to buy a decent house, do some work to it, and then sell it when we go to Arizona.


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## Sarah W

Welcome! There's a new thread for May and June.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1220503

We're at Lewis, too. You said you live in the country, are you in Yelm/Roy? We lived in Yelm the last time we were here, but now we're in Dupont.


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
I wanted to see if I could draw on some of the Tricare wisdom here--I'm starting to see a lot of sensory seeking behaviors in DD and would like to get her an OT evaluation. My understanding is that I need a prescription (referral?) from her doc to get one. Since she sees a DO rather than a pedi, would she have to see a pedi first? Anyone know if Tricare Prime would even cover this? I'm afraid to even call because everytime I do I feel like I get a different answer.

some of the best advice you can get is from the OT clinic itself. figure out how to call or go into the OT office and ask them who and what they need to get before seeing your DD.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Welcome to May and welcome all newcomers!

you got made a moderator when i wasn't looking!!?? Congrats

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
On a cool note, I think we're going to try geo caching when Sean gets home.

DH has taken up Geocaching and i go along very often, it is wonderful and fun. i love the ones that are tricky puzzles, i'm really good at strange puzzles, so he always brings those to me.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
It sounds like a lot of fun. We have a little disagreement about what to do, though. My husband thinks we're supposed to find something and switch it for something else we leave. I thought we were just supposed to find things, not take them, but we can leave our own caches if we want.

as for the taking and leaving, you never take the cache itself, but many caches have trinkets and toys and very cool travel-bugs in them, those are for you to take one and leave one. Read up on the travel bugs, they sometimes have goals and are fun to move around.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sattygirl99* 
Can I thread crash even though I don't belong here yet?

i would say you certainly belong here, i have been a gal on this thread for years and i dont have a child yet (see my update below)
as i see it, this tribe as for all partners and family of military and for military themselves as well, you are most welcome any time!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I'm back after a bit of an absence. I'm glad to see that all of you are doing well, and many of you have DHs at home again (Yay Katie!). As for me, I got a BFP the day after my DH went back to Iraq from his R & R, and have been pretty sick/tired from about week 4 until now (12 weeks today).


Congrats Soul-O!!!!! did we know this before now?? maybe i have just let it ooze out of my brian with all that is going on with me (see my update below)
we really need to go grab a cup of tea or something

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
DH's adjustment back in the family has been spectacular. DH has completely abandoned his deployment routine and has pretty much slipped back into life as if nothing had changed.

this is so great to hear, and so glad to think of you all as a whole family again

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katsmamajama* 
Woah, I'm in the single digits before we say aloha to the rock!!!!

have a safe smooth move, it can be so fun and so hard all at the same time!

OK AS FOR ME!!!!!








!!!!!!! We are Preggo finally!!!!! EDD is 1/24/11 and we are just as thrilled as could possible be. You ladies will appreciate the way i told DH last night even more than most, i gave him this
www.adorkable.me

he loved it and got it right away, we have been having a wonderful time ever since. My HCG number look great (almost too good) and it all rocks!

As For DH and the Army, we have gotten orders to go to Walter Reed, did i mention that last month? orders are for Aug, but we have put in for a 30 day deferment till Sept. August is just a horrible month to move and would mean me giving up a lot of my summer and jobs that i hold very dear. We'll know in the next week if that gets approved.
I flew this last weekend to DC to drive around for a few days and get a good feel for all the neighborhoods, it is rally going to be a challenge to find a home that has what we need that we can afford, but i do at least feel better after seeing things first hand. over all i'm thrilled to be moving to a interesting big city like DC. slightly worried about having my baby in a snow storm!


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## ~Katie~

Adorkable!

For as long as I've known you I've been hoping and waiting to see this post, that is such wonderful news! And such a sweet way to tell your DH, I bet he's over the moon! Congratulations!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
OK AS FOR ME!!!!!








!!!!!!! We are Preggo finally!!!!! EDD is 1/24/11 and we are just as thrilled as could possible be. You ladies will appreciate the way i told DH last night even more than most, i gave him this
www.adorkable.me

he loved it and got it right away, we have been having a wonderful time ever since. My HCG number look great (almost too good) and it all rocks!

As For DH and the Army, we have gotten orders to go to Walter Reed, did i mention that last month? orders are for Aug, but we have put in for a 30 day deferment till Sept. August is just a horrible month to move and would mean me giving up a lot of my summer and jobs that i hold very dear. We'll know in the next week if that gets approved.
I flew this last weekend to DC to drive around for a few days and get a good feel for all the neighborhoods, it is rally going to be a challenge to find a home that has what we need that we can afford, but i do at least feel better after seeing things first hand. over all i'm thrilled to be moving to a interesting big city like DC. slightly worried about having my baby in a snow storm!

























Are you going to try to find a place in the city or in the MD or VA suburbs? I grew up in Vienna, VA, 20 minutes from DC.


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## ~adorkable~

our goal with housing is to be in reasonable walking distance (maybe <8 blocks) from a metro rail. and we need some sort of parking and a shop work space for me, we will live anywhere we can find that and afford it, me would prefer to be in the city, but the list of needs and cost will dictate.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
our goal with housing is to be in reasonable walking distance (maybe <8 blocks) from a metro rail. and we need some sort of parking and a shop work space for me, we will live anywhere we can find that and afford it, me would prefer to be in the city, but the list of needs and cost will dictate.

Both the house I lived in Alexandria City and in Vienna were within walking distance to metros. That was a big thing for me, too. The metro goes a lot farther out, though. I loved Alexandria City (not Old Town, very expensive) and Arlington. Arlington is (or was) more expensive. The closer you live to any metro the more expensive the housing will be.

So, I just took a military spouse's survey. Have any of you gotten this in the mail? It was interesting but some of was a bit confusing for me to answer, like the ones about behavioral problems with children. If I don't think of my children's behavior as a problem regardless of what it is, do my answer really apply?


----------



## Soul-O

Congratulations to you and your DH, Adorkable! This is the best news I've heard all week







. I chose not to disclose my pregnancy until about the 12 week mark, and I'm 14 weeks today, so you didn't miss anything







. I'm with the COB unit in the OB dept (complicated OB - high risk), which is not what I wanted, but I feel OK with the care I'm receiving. It's just nice to be released from the REs on the 3rd floor, kwim? PM me when you want to go to tea - I am certainly game!

MW - I was selected for the same survey, but haven't completed it yet. I like the idea of giving my opinion, but I'm thinking I'll answer similarly to you. I let you know what happens after I do the survey.

AFM - DH told me that we may have an opportunity to PCS to Germany shortly after he returns from deployment. As much as I'd like to go, I don't think that moving all 7 of us to a foreign country shortly after I give birth would be a good idea. What do you all think? Otherwise, if we don't go to Germany, it looks as though DH will go to Captain's Career Course in AZ a little sooner than expected - like possibly January. I'm cool with AZ because it is very close to my family, and considering that we'll have a new baby, I think this is the better move. So much to consider..


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
MW - I was selected for the same survey, but haven't completed it yet. I like the idea of giving my opinion, but I'm thinking I'll answer similarly to you. I let you know what happens after I do the survey.

Another thing that bothered me about the survey was all the questions applicable to my dh's most recent deployment. I wanted to answer according to our most recent separation, which is his current 6 months in OK, but since that's not a deployment it didn't apply. I wish there were some way for me to tell someone what a hardship it is to have him deployed for 6+ months only to come home and have to leave again for another 6 months and how ridiculous it is to expect the entire family to move there for 6 months just to come back here again. What a waste of military money!


----------



## ~Katie~

I haven't received one of those surveys though I'd be interested to see the questions on it.

Speaking of babies, DH and I are having discussions on expanding the family. I think it's rare to get a nearly two year break between deployments, so it would be optimal timing for him to finally be around for one of our kid's births and the first year. But we also have to consider having to move next summer and trying to plan around that. HBing in NY is pretty volatile right now from what I've heard, so that's out. I'm worried because DD is still a really, really poor sleeper. I know I would figure out the logistics of three kids and all that, that I'm not worried about. It seems like if we don't TTC in the next two months I'm going to have a 5 year age gap between #2 and #3 because of everything going on. It's hard to find people who understand these things so I'm glad I can at least talk about it here.


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## sapphire_chan

Anyone stationed near Osaka? There's a mama hoping to meet some MDCers there.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1#post15429781


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I haven't received one of those surveys though I'd be interested to see the questions on it.

It's called the Military Family Life Project. You might be able to find info about it on the government website. I don't know. Most of the questions seemed to be about whether I wanted or needed to work, how easy or difficult it was to find work and why. Those questions don't apply to me. There were some questions about how we deal with deployments and about children's behavior in relation to that. Those questions were a bit odd to me because I don't consider any change in behavior during or right after a deployment as problematic. It's to be expected. There were also some questions about what resources would be most helpful during a deployment. The big ones are childcare and better/easier contact with the deployed spouse. It really bothers me that the military only offers childcare as a relief for parents while their spouses are deployed. I wrote that home cleaning, care and repairs services would be more helpful to me than any of the other stuff.

Aargh! I keep forgetting to add a little brag about my dh. It's a sad story but I'm very touched by how my dh has responded. One of the couples at the school with him lost a baby at 7 months pregnant due to a defective umbilical cord. This just happened this week. They also have a 2 year old and the mom is recovering from surgery. My dh called to let me know he'd be going over his budget a little this month because he was going to make some meals for the family. My dh is the best!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Speaking of babies, DH and I are having discussions on expanding the family. I think it's rare to get a nearly two year break between deployments, so it would be optimal timing for him to finally be around for one of our kid's births and the first year. But we also have to consider having to move next summer and trying to plan around that. HBing in NY is pretty volatile right now from what I've heard, so that's out. I'm worried because DD is still a really, really poor sleeper. I know I would figure out the logistics of three kids and all that, that I'm not worried about. It seems like if we don't TTC in the next two months I'm going to have a 5 year age gap between #2 and #3 because of everything going on. It's hard to find people who understand these things so I'm glad I can at least talk about it here.

I totally hear where you're coming from on this one! That was kinda the same place we're in. Except TTC hasn't turned out to be as quick and easy this time around. Now I'm worried that if we do get pregnant this summer, we'll end up having to move before we have the baby, or right after, which is not what we initially wanted to have happen. Because we still don't have orders for where or when we're going. There's a decent chance we'll go to HI, and I really really would rather have another baby here, where we're at least sorta close to family, and friends, and a doula I want to work with... *sigh*

So, ds has NOT been dealing well with dh being gone. He's become so defiant and difficult. Everything is a huge drama, which is not like him at all. Usually he's very easy going and happy. This week has been really rough and I am just exhausted. We're almost done with week 2 of 6. I don't know how to help him cope with what he's feeling, or help him express himself. He's not especially verbal (just 21 months). He asks about 'dah' and I've been telling him that dah went byebye, he's on a trip. But I am pretty sure he has no concept of what that actually means.







We've been trying to do fun stuff to help pass the time.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
So, ds has NOT been dealing well with dh being gone. He's become so defiant and difficult. Everything is a huge drama, which is not like him at all. Usually he's very easy going and happy. This week has been really rough and I am just exhausted. We're almost done with week 2 of 6. I don't know how to help him cope with what he's feeling, or help him express himself. He's not especially verbal (just 21 months). He asks about 'dah' and I've been telling him that dah went byebye, he's on a trip. But I am pretty sure he has no concept of what that actually means.







We've been trying to do fun stuff to help pass the time.

Is he able to talk to Daddy on the phone at all? A webcam would be even better. Talking about Daddy and that he will be home again is good even if you don't think your ds is responding or responding well to it. We always have a 2 week period right after dh leaves and right after he comes home when everything is crazy. I just let it all go, don't put any expectations of any kind on the kids and just try to give them extra love and attention.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Is he able to talk to Daddy on the phone at all? A webcam would be even better. Talking about Daddy and that he will be home again is good even if you don't think your ds is responding or responding well to it. We always have a 2 week period right after dh leaves and right after he comes home when everything is crazy. I just let it all go, don't put any expectations of any kind on the kids and just try to give them extra love and attention.

He has talked on the phone a couple of times, the first time was a disaster, but the second time went much better. I think we'll do that again tonight. I wish we could do webcams, but he doesn't have reliable internet, and neither of us have webcams.


----------



## ~Katie~

It is tough at first but it does get better. Everybody has to get into a new routine and that can take some time. It's hard for them because they know something is different but they don't know how to communicate what's wrong. It's just something they have to work through I think. If you have pictures you can show him pictures of him and dad together and remind him that dad will be home soon. I hope it gets easier for you both soon









TTC can be so difficult. I feel like I'm mourning the next few years because when I'd _like_ to have a baby just isn't feasible. DH is leaning on the side of waiting until he's done his next deployment, but then we're looking at moving to Arizona and then possibly another duty station or going elsewhere for a civilian job and it's just so much chaos around trying to have a baby that I don't even want to think about it. On top of that I've been feeling lousy because I got three faint positives last week after being five days late and then started bright red bleeding







I'm not even sure how I could have even gotten pregnant since we were using condoms, but I'm sad because I was starting to get excited none-the-less.

My youngest will be around age 5 by the time we can even settle down somewhere to have another baby most likely. On the other hand we can take the next two months to try, but then we'd be house hunting a few months after having a baby and he'd be deploying while we had a one year old, almost three year old, and almost 5 year old. Either way it's not optimal, I really just don't know what to do.


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Hey, ladies! Hope everyone is enjoying the Spring weather.







I'm back here with more questions for anyone who can help. We're moving to Ft.Sill at the end of June and will be there until at least the end of November. When Phil finishes BOLC we'll PCS to Ft. Drum. I'm kind of freaking out about the whole thing. I am not pregnant, but would like to start TTC in the next year or so. We've got a 2 and a half year old and I'm hoping to get a break after he self weans (maybe in the near future?) before getting pregnant again. The problem is this: I have found a group of home birth midwives out in OKC that will drive out to Ft. Sill for births, but I'm pretty sure we're not even going to be there long enough for me to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. I don't even really want to start trying for a while anyway. But, I can't find any midwives close enough to Fort Drum if we get pregnant out there! The closest ones are 2 and a half hours away! I think I'll email them, too, and see if they have any ideas.

Has anyone had a home birth at Fort Drum? I'd be willing to pay out of pocket.







I just had such an amazing birth center birth with Maddox, that I can't imagine a hospital birth now.


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## PhilsBabyMama

Ignore this post. I some how made 2 of the same and can't figure out how to remove it. Der....


----------



## PhilsBabyMama

Katie: "HBing in NY is pretty volatile right now from what I've heard, so that's out. "

There are a few home birth midwives in Ithica from what I've been able to find. I think that's about an hour from Syracuse, so maybe they'd travel to you.

From what I understand, you can still birth at home in New York. The problem is in New York City, because midwives need backing from a hospital and a major hospital (that was backing many midwives) closed


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PhilsBabyMama* 
Katie: "HBing in NY is pretty volatile right now from what I've heard, so that's out. "

How is it volatile and why would that mean it's not an option? As far as I know, it's not illegal in any state to birth at home. There are states where it's illegal for certain types of midwives or midwives who don't have doctor back up to attend home births but that's not the same as home birth being illegal. I had to explain that to a CPS agent here in NC when I was reported to them by my OB for having a home birth. Someone at the OB's office told the CPS agent that what I had done was illegal, which is not true.

In NC, any licensed medical professional can attend a home birth. That means a MD, CNM or NP but not a CPM or lay midwife. There's also always the option of an unassisted birth. I don't know if I could do that but I think I might if that was my only choice besides a hospital birth.

All this baby talk has got me thinking I should start preparing myself for when dh gets home in a month and a half. I'd have to start taking all kinds of supplements. Bleh! He doesn't want to TTC, anyway. We're supposed to be avoiding (although he has gotten me pg twice since we started that







).

I don't think there's ever an ideal time to TTC or have a baby in the military. Anything can happen at any moment to change even the best laid plans. For me, since we've had fertility issues, I'd TTC, or at least stop preventing/avoiding, whenever my dh was home.

When we decided to TTC #3, we had first decided to wait until ds2 was 2yo. DH ended up having to deploy again just before ds2 would've turned 2 so we started TTC right after he got home from the previous deployment, when ds2 was 15 months. It took us almost a year and a half before I got pg. DS2 was 2 years and 8 months old by then. It seemed to be a perfect time because dh's new unit was still deployed when he checked and wouldn't deploy again until after I was due. Unfortunately, he got picked for an IA since he had then become the guy in his unit who had been home the longest (even though he'd only been home from deployment with his old unit for about 3 months). He left that January for a year. I was about 3 months pg when he left and ds3 was 7 months old when he returned.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PhilsBabyMama* 
Katie: "HBing in NY is pretty volatile right now from what I've heard, so that's out. "

There are a few home birth midwives in Ithica from what I've been able to find. I think that's about an hour from Syracuse, so maybe they'd travel to you.

From what I understand, you can still birth at home in New York. The problem is in New York City, because midwives need backing from a hospital and a major hospital (that was backing many midwives) closed

This is good to know! I have a friend who is training to be a midwife in NY and she said a lot of doctors are opting out of being backup for homebirth midwives, so they're either having to abandon homebirths or go underground. I figured that would make it more challenging for me to find a midwife.

MW - I don't know how I feel about intentional UC for the next baby, I think I'm more of a go with the flow kind of person and will decide at the time whether I want anyone there. I know that I don't want to have another baby during a deployment, so giving birth in NY is out anyway because of the timing. So really the timing of a pregnancy/birth has to happen between now and when we start house hunting and have to travel a lot, otherwise it's going to be too hectic. That means TTC in the next two months to fit into that window.

DH is having mixed feelings about TTC, I think he thinks it'll be really difficult with 3 under 4. I have mixed feelings too, but I really don't want a huge age gap between kids. He talked to his chaplain about it who brought some of his own perspective since he has two preteens and two toddlers, and said that there are challenges no matter what the age difference. So we'll see I guess, at least now I think he sees my side. I know he'll go along with it but I want him totally on board first.

MW - When you bought your house, did you do the VA loan? I'm thinking we could go through USAA for it and trying to learn more about it.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
DH is having mixed feelings about TTC, I think he thinks it'll be really difficult with 3 under 4. I have mixed feelings too, but I really don't want a huge age gap between kids. He talked to his chaplain about it who brought some of his own perspective since he has two preteens and two toddlers, and said that there are challenges no matter what the age difference. So we'll see I guess, at least now I think he sees my side. I know he'll go along with it but I want him totally on board first.

Having experienced having a 13yo and a baby and then an older teen, a 3-4yo and a baby, I agree with the Chaplain. There are challenges no matter the age difference. As much as I would love to have another baby (one more chance for a girl







not to mention that I love being pg and the idea of having another home birth), I'm at the point now where I'm thinking one more would be too much for me. I've had such a hard time taking care of my 2 LOs, aged 5-6yo and 2-3yo, by myself this past year. If I could count on my dh being home most of the time, I might feel differently. The idea of me being a single parent to a 7yo, 4yo and a baby is too much. For me, it would probably be even harder if they were closer in age. YMMV, of course.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
MW - When you bought your house, did you do the VA loan? I'm thinking we could go through USAA for it and trying to learn more about it.

I think we did do a VA loan because we didn't have to put any money down. We got our mortgage through Navy Fed Credit Union. I wouldn't recommend them because they have raised our payment $100 a month every year, supposedly for taxes and insurance (not PMI). You can only do a VA loan once, I think, so if you have the money to put down, that might be a better idea.


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I think we did do a VA loan because we didn't have to put any money down. We got our mortgage through Navy Fed Credit Union. I wouldn't recommend them because they have raised our payment $100 a month every year, supposedly for taxes and insurance (not PMI). You can only do a VA loan once, I think, so if you have the money to put down, that might be a better idea.

We did a VA loan. I think you can do a VA w/most lenders, so do shop around for the best rate. They usually have different rates for VA vs non VA loans as well.

You can get a VA loan more than once, but you can only have one at a time. From http://www.homeloans.va.gov/faqelig.htm: "Yes, your eligibility is reusable depending on the circumstances. Normally, if you have paid off your prior VA loan and disposed of the property, you can have your used eligibility restored for additional use. Also, on a one-time only basis, you may have your eligibility restored if your prior VA loan has been paid in full but you still own the property. In either case, to obtain restoration of eligibility, the veteran must send a completed VA Form 26-1880 to our Winston-Salem Eligibility Center. To prevent delays in processing, it is also advisable to include evidence that the prior loan has been paid in full and, if applicable, the property disposed of. This evidence can be in the form of a paid-in-full statement from the former lender, or a copy of the HUD-1 settlement statement completed in connection with a sale of the property or refinance of the prior loan."

Our loan payments also increase annually b/c of higher taxes & insurance. That will happen with any lender. I *think* there are some circumstances where you may be "allowed" to pay your taxes and insurance directly and not to the lender's escrow, but I'm pretty sure they would require a high down payment for that and you'd have to budget for those inevitable tax & insurance increases & be able to pay those bills lump sum once a year.


----------



## MarineWife

Thanks for the info on being able to get more than one VA loan. I didn't realize that.

With our mortgage on the house we owned in VA, our payment didn't go up every year.







I wish I could pay taxes and insurance on my own. It seems unfair that almost everyone is forced to have an escrow account so the mortgage company can make money off of our money but we can't. I understand why they do that. They have to protect their investment but it seems there should be more than one way to prove that we'd take care of it ourselves.


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I wish I could pay taxes and insurance on my own. It seems unfair that almost everyone is forced to have an escrow account so the mortgage company can make money off of our money but we can't.

Yes. It stinks!


----------



## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Thanks for the info on being able to get more than one VA loan. I didn't realize that.

With our mortgage on the house we owned in VA, our payment didn't go up every year.







I wish I could pay taxes and insurance on my own. It seems unfair that almost everyone is forced to have an escrow account so the mortgage company can make money off of our money but we can't. I understand why they do that. They have to protect their investment but it seems there should be more than one way to prove that we'd take care of it ourselves.









You should have the option not to pay into a escrow acct for insurance and taxes. Chances are, if your loan amount went up, it was because of taxes and insurance. There aren't any other variables in a loan (depending on your type of loan). You can actually look at old statements and see what was fluctuating.

We currently have two VA loans. We used DH's certificate for one and mine for the second, but we're both on each loan.

I wou
D definitely shop around for rates. Many lenders do VA.


----------



## MarineWife

I know that's the reason Navy Fed gives for raising our mortgage payment, taxes and/or insurance, depending on the year. We have a fixed rate, no balloon payment, loan. Well, technically, they say the escrow account went below their acceptable minimum balance the year before. I'm saying I'm not convinced it's necessary. There has never been a time that we've been asked to send extra money because they didn't have enough to pay either. I think the escrow is a scam, for the most part.

I'd refinance with another company except for two things. First, I'm worried that we wouldn't be able to get a new loan for as much as our old loan since we bought this house right before the bubble burst. Second, my dh hasn't been home and I don't feel like hassling with trying to get special POAs. Maybe this summer when he's home we'll look over it again. But then there's a 3rd reason. Since we'll probably only be in the house for another 3 years, refinancing may not be the best thing. We'd lose what little equity we have and wouldn't have much time to build up any more.


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## madis81

My Dh made it through MEPs! Now we just need to find DD's birth certificate so we can get the dependency waiver in. Who loses their child's birth certificate?








In the meantime, my DH has to fill out this paperwork asking for information on not just his family, but mine as well, along with past addresses with references for the last 10 years, and his job history for the last 10 years. _Does anyone know if this is typical for every recruit, or is this for the MOS he hopes to get?_ He hasn't even sworn in yet, because of the dependency waiver, and he needs to pass the DLAB and Airborne physical to be guaranteed the job he wants.


----------



## madis81

By the way, that is useful information about the VA Loans!


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madis81* 
my DH has to fill out this paperwork asking for information on not just his family, but mine as well, along with past addresses with references for the last 10 years, and his job history for the last 10 years. _Does anyone know if this is typical for every recruit, or is this for the MOS he hopes to get?
_
_
_
_

This is all completely normal standard stuff. The military will search relatives to make sure neither one of you have relatives who are involved with terrorist groups/anti-american things... you know, they want to know it all









Also, this paperwork is used for a security clearance. So make sure you guys are completely honest and fill it out accurately.

It is a pain in the butt... but after this part, there really isn't too much paperwork for a while







Good luck!_


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## MommaKitten21

Figured I'd give a little update from things over here.

I had a midwife appointment last week, and I am all ready 40% effaced. (I had her check me because of swelling and pressure issues down there)

The midwife told me if I keep making progress, that we could pursue ways to induce at home to encourage labor so I can maybe have the chance of birthing while DH is here!!!!

I am really excited about that, but I also know I tend to go late. So I am just preparing myself mentally to birth without him, but if he is here... then that's just icing on the cake









His July 17th ship out date sure is sneaking it's way closer and closer! I have stopped working, so I've just been busy readjusting to being the main caretaker and enjoying my days playing with my little one









Life is going well I suppose over here... just kinda boring actually! ha!

Oh, and a complete surprise is that my sister in law decided to throw me a baby shower! She all ready sent out the invites and everything!! So that will be June 19th







I am excited!!

Hope all of you have been doing well!!! Sending lots of







to all of you!


----------



## Sarah W

What MOS is he looking at? Is he looking at the Intel field? Is the form an SF86? If so, it's for a clearance. You have to go back 10 years, which would for for an SSBI, which is for a Top Secret.

Be honest, especially w/ your finances. The first thing they're going to do is run a credit report and see if you are delinquent on anything. His prints will be forwarded for criminal checks, and they'll start talking to people where you've lived and worked.


----------



## justme77

Hiya everyone. Man, I forgot how busy this thread gets. Haven't been on in a while. We're having a bit of a rough re-adjustment this time. Progress though. DH finally admitted he's having a hard time. He feels lost, unhappy, like doesn't have a 'purpose,' etc. He still isn't willing to see a counselor but admitting he/we're a mess is a huge step for us! I think I am finally going to go. I need to talk to someone.

ANYWAY -- congrats to all the preggo momma's and newly united families! Exciting. Those whose spouses will be away for delivery - an awesome support team is your best bet. Period. And think about skype. My DH watched DD's birth via webcam. My midwives took turns following me around w/ the laptop and camera to make sure he didn't miss anything. haha. Also, there is operationspecialdelivery.com. They will provide you with a doula free of charge. I volunteer for it here in Houston.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelleklu* 
FWIW, I'm probably going to try the US Family Health Care Plan just to see what its like. I called doctors in this area and a lot of them don't really care if I don't want to vaccinate. I just find it strange that most of them are not available for a meet and greet consultation.

We have had US Family Health Care during all of DH's 4 deployments (we're reserves.) I haven't read (word for word) through all the posts yet so.... did you have a specific question? We haven't had too much trouble with them.


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## appifanie

I have one important thing to say about loans - avoid Pioneer Military Loans like the evil plague they are. Trust me.


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## ~Katie~

Happy Memorial Day. Thank you to all who served and continue to serve.

Got a shout out on CNN from my BIL this morning from Iraq, it was nice to see his face, he looks so grown up.


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## MarineWife

Saturday night was one of those nights when I was really missing my dh. I tried to go to sleep but I kept thinking about stuff and wished I'd had someone to talk to. It sure would be nice to have my husband by my side every day.

At least part of what I'm feeling probably has to do with the fact that yesterday was his birthday coupled with a long weekend when we should be able to have more family time. He's house sitting by himself in OK because everyone else got out of Dodge. Nothing special to do for his birthday or Memorial Day. We have been apart for almost every birthday, anniversary and many, many holidays in the last 8 years. This year he comes home in July, as soon as all of that has passed. We have birthdays in January, March, May and June and our anniversary is in June.


----------



## ~Katie~

MW. I hope you're having a better day today. It is hard being apart for holidays and family events, and I hope you're able to do something really special together once he's home again.


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## MommaKitten21

to you, MW!!

I hope things get better. It's always nice to know you have somewhere to vent who understand when you're having those bad days!!


----------



## MarineWife

Thanks. I do feel better now. At least I can call my dh when I want, unlike during a deployment.


----------



## sapphire_chan

/







time
Dh found out yesterday that:

He got into OCS!









He leaves on Saturday.









Plus side, he's doing state OCS so he'll be done before we move in July.


----------



## justKate

So much going on! Congrats and hugs all around.

Hmm:
VA loans = great. Easy, no down payment. USAA rocks too, I've NEVER had a problem with them and they are always very kind when I call for something. That being said, they didn't have the best mortgage rate for us, so definitely shop around. We ended up going with US Bank.

*MW*, I'm sorry you had a down weekend. I hope it got better for you.

Mamas trying to plan families around deployments and moves--I hear ya. DD is 15 mos; we'll be moving next summer and I'd like to have a baby when we move, mostly because I'll be newly unemployed and we'll likely be near my family. Huz thinks we should wait until the tour after, but it bothers me to think that our kids would be 5+ years apart at that point. I guess that just goes in the "its never a good time / there will never be enough money" category. :irk Weird to think that we'll have orders again in less than a year.

ETA: Totally normal to misplace your DC's birth certificate! I put important documents in "special, safe places" then forget where that special safe place was.


----------



## grisaleen

I'm new to this thread (but not to mdc or to the military). After being out for about five years, dh is going back in the Army next year, after he graduates from college. I'm very happy to discover a group of crunchy mamas that are also military - not that common, from my experience.







I can only hope to run into some of you at our future assignment.

So.....hi! Now I'll try to go back and catch up on this thread...


----------



## gagin37

I am happy to report ds's behavior has been SO much better this week. minimal meltdowns, and not nearly so much hitting and aggression towards me. We've got about 2 1/2 weeks left until daddy is home. So far the worst we've dealt with is a burned hand and a subsequent trip to the ER. Really hoping the next couple of weeks are smooth sailing.


----------



## ~Katie~

That's great news, Sapphire!

Welcome, Lisa!

I'm glad things are going smoother, Claire. I'm sure you're keeping busy so it'll be over before you know it.

Not much to report here. We're leaving to go to the beach for a week on Sunday, my birthday is on the 10th so it'll be a nice treat for me. Currently in the TWW as we decided to give it a try this month, I'm waiting to test until my birthday so we'll see how it goes.


----------



## ~adorkable~

oh and that "Award of Fatherhood" that i gave my DH as a way to tell him i am preggo....
i need to go get a cluster for it or something.









http://www.adorkable.me/








+







=


----------



## ~Katie~

Hurray for twins! That is amazing and so wonderful for you both!


----------



## MarineWife

Welcome, Lisa. I have met some friends from here IRL.

Adorkable ~







Congratulations!


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## MommaKitten21

Adorkable- Oh my goodness!! Congrats on the twins









And Katie- I am crossing my fingers for you guys!! Enjoy that vacation, and have a wonderful birthday!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
oh and that "Award of Fatherhood" that i gave my DH as a way to tell him i am preggo....
i need to go get a cluster for it or something.









http://www.adorkable.me/








+







=









oh wow!







Congrats!!


----------



## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
oh and that "Award of Fatherhood" that i gave my DH as a way to tell him i am preggo....
i need to go get a cluster for it or something.









http://www.adorkable.me/








+







=









Awesome! Congratulations!

It's almost time for R&R for us and we are all so excited. Things have been great for me lately and this deployment will be over before we know it!


----------



## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
oh and that "Award of Fatherhood" that i gave my DH as a way to tell him i am preggo....
i need to go get a cluster for it or something.









http://www.adorkable.me/








+







=









Congradulations!! So happy for the four of you.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Awesome! Congratulations!

It's almost time for R&R for us and we are all so excited. Things have been great for me lately and this deployment will be over before we know it!

I'm glad to hear things are going well, a positive attitude really helps a lot! Enjoy your R&R!


----------



## AFWife

Jumping in...

Do you guys know how I get just an ultrasound on base? I'm seeing a midwife and I don't want to pay out of pocket for my 18week ultrasound.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Jumping in...

Do you guys know how I get just an ultrasound on base? I'm seeing a midwife and I don't want to pay out of pocket for my 18week ultrasound.

You need a medical order or prescription for one. You just take that to the ultrasound/radiology clinic and they should schedule one. If your midwife is a CNM, she can write it. If not, you'd have to find another CNM or MD who will write it.


----------



## ~Katie~

Tricare wouldn't cover my 20 week anatomy scan as it wasn't under their criteria for coverage so I ended up paying out of pocket for mine at an independent radiology clinic. I got a script from my midwife for it. I'm honestly not even sure how the Army hospital here gets away with all the ultrasounds they do, my neighbor had 3 ultrasounds that were all routine procedure and none of them fell under medically necessary by Tricare's standards according to her. I do believe their coverage has expanded but at that time they said they wouldn't cover an ultrasound unless a problem was indicated.


----------



## ~adorkable~

i was under the thinking that a viability U/S 8-10 weeks and a Anatomy u/s 20 weeks was the standard of care
thats shocking they would not cover it. were you getting shadow care at the MTF? maybe it was because you weren't?


----------



## MarineWife

Yeah, I thought at least a 20w u/s was standard care. A friend of mine who recently had a baby got one and she wasn't having any problems with her pg.


----------



## ~Katie~

That was my original line of thinking. I specifically went to that ultrasound clinic because they accepted Tricare for billing, they insisted it wouldn't be a problem to bill them and they had done it in the past. About two months after I went I received a 3 or 4 page letter in the mail basically saying that they only covered ultrasounds when their was a maternal or fetal problem necessitating one. I do believe that they have in fact made it easier to get an ultrasound and have wider criteria for getting one now, so mine may have occurred before they changed their coverage. Even though my script clearly said 20 week anatomy scan, they said that it was considered a routine ultrasound and they wouldn't cover it.


----------



## MarineWife

When I was pg with ds2 back in 2003 I had an anatomy scan at around 20w and it wasn't a problem. I was seeing the docs at the Army hospital and went to the u/s clinic there so maybe that made a difference. They sure acted like it was routine.

ETA: I also had a 20w anatomy scan with ds3 with a civilian OB practice that TC covered.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
When I was pg with ds2 back in 2003 I had an anatomy scan at around 20w and it wasn't a problem. I was seeing the docs at the Army hospital and went to the u/s clinic there so maybe that made a difference. They sure acted like it was routine.

ETA: I also had a 20w anatomy scan with ds3 with a civilian OB practice that TC covered.

That is what I thought all along, that anatomy scans were covered. They sent me a list of what they covered and anatomy scan wasn't listed on there. I can't remember everything listed but I do remember gestational age, determining the cause of bleeding, suspected ectopic, suspected growth problems, checking for multiples, and I believe ultrasounds in late pregnancy to check on fetal well-being (Like BPP) were also covered.

Prior to going to the other clinic, I called the maternity center at Womack about scheduling one and the nurse about had a heart attack that I hadn't had any ultrasounds by 18 weeks. She acted like I was some criminal by not having multiple ultrasounds by that point. I told her I had only had a 20 week ultrasound (and a couple later on) with my first pregnancy and according to her "that was just wrong". She said they wouldn't give me an ultrasound until I established care with an OB. Needless to say I never went there because I didn't want to be in their system. In the end I'm not upset about paying for the ultrasound at the other place because I was treated like a decent human being and it was straight forward, I just wish Tricare would have covered it if they were supposed to


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I just wish Tricare would have covered it if they were supposed to

Yeah, that just doesn't seem right. Someone must have messed up somewhere. Was your u/s ordered by a CNM, NP or MD? I know TC wouldn't cover an u/s for me without an order from one of those. My CPM could not order one for me. That's one reason I decided on having dual care with an OB, which I now think was a big mistake. After my experience with the OB practice, I would've much preferred to either have paid for the u/s out of pocket or just not had one.

When I was pg with ds1, I only had one u/s at around 18w and that was because I didn't know how far along I was. They didn't do anatomy scans or routine u/ses back then. Personally, I think u/ses are overrated. I've read articles that say they have more negative aspects vs. benefits.


----------



## ~Katie~

That didn't even occur to me but her CPM status may be why. That was not the reason I was giving for denial of coverage, though. The radiology clinic is independent but the ultrasound techs are hospital employees, they had no problem doing my ultrasound with my midwife's script and had worked with her a lot in the past. I was shocked when I got the letter and actually showed my pregnant neighbor and she was just as shocked because she had already had 3 ultrasounds by that point and was expecting at least one more, and Tricare had covered all of them.

My 20 week ultrasound actually happened at 26 weeks because I wasn't in a hurry to get it done, but my midwife just wanted to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. That could be why they wouldn't cover it as well, but online is clearly states that they will cover ultrasounds for certain criteria regardless of stage of pregnancy.

This is was Tricare says about it: http://www.tricare.mil/mybenefit/jsp...re&topic=Women

I would think evaluating fetal growth would meet criteria for the anatomy scan.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Hey ladies! I'm just popping in to give an update on some *hopefully* good news!

DH ships out in 36 days, and I had a midwife appointment yesterday. 1 cm dilated all ready







of course, since I am only 33 weeks, this little one needs to bake for three more weeks... BUT there is a huge chance DH will be here for the birth!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
My 20 week ultrasound actually happened at 26 weeks because I wasn't in a hurry to get it done, but my midwife just wanted to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. That could be why they wouldn't cover it as well, but online is clearly states that they will cover ultrasounds for certain criteria regardless of stage of pregnancy.

This is was Tricare says about it: http://www.tricare.mil/mybenefit/jsp...re&topic=Women

I would think evaluating fetal growth would meet criteria for the anatomy scan.

Yes, I think that would qualify. Another thing that occurred to me last night is that the radiology clinic may have inadvertently used the wrong billing code. That happened to me when I had an u/s at the ER with ds3 when I was around 7w pg. Everything from that ER visit was covered except the u/s. When I called TC the person told me it was because of the billing code used. I explained that everything else had been covered so she gave me the correct billing code. I called the radiologist's office. They resubmitted the bill with the new billing code and TC covered it. TC wasn't about to do anything about it themselves, though. It never would've been changed if I hadn't taken care of it.

Mommakitten ~ That would be wonderful!


----------



## MommaKitten21

This might be a stupid question but.....









If DH is not here for the birth, how will we get his name on the birth certificate? Doesn't he have to sign it? I cant remember all the steps we did to get the birth certificate when our son was born, and cant recall if DH had to be there to sign anything.


----------



## ~adorkable~

in most states it is presumed that the husband is the father, and really you can put down whoever, it is up to the m to argue (i know this because i had to get my own fixed, it had a stupid boyfriend that we didn't even know when i was born on it!!)

i would more focus on making sure you have all the paperwork set up so that you can enroll your child in DEERS without him there, that is important for any medical care
there is a form that he can get, probably from JAG to give you power POA specially for DEERS stuff, it is also super nice to have if you lose your ID card and need to get another one.


----------



## MarineWife

I didn't have any problem putting my dh's name on ds3's birth certificate even though he wasn't here. A general POA is all you need to take care of most things while your dh is gone. The only time I had to get a special POA was to apply for a mortgage for our house.


----------



## AFWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
This might be a stupid question but.....









If DH is not here for the birth, how will we get his name on the birth certificate? Doesn't he have to sign it? I cant remember all the steps we did to get the birth certificate when our son was born, and cant recall if DH had to be there to sign anything.

Dh wasn't here for DS's birth and his name is on the birth cert. The lady doing it just asked, "Father's name?" and I spelled it all out. No big deal.


----------



## ~Katie~

There was a specific person with the health department that I had to deal with since I had a homebirth but it was pretty straight forward to file for it myself. I filled out my birth worksheet and put DH's information down and that was it, submitted all my required paperwork (including copy of POA) and it wasn't an issue.


----------



## MarineWife

Have you all seen this?

Colenel's Wife Accused of Harassing Soldiers


----------



## ~adorkable~

Wow, I wonder how amazingly bad that situation had to be for them to deal with it so officially and sworn statements and all? I'm glad to see they are. I'm sure most of us have dealt with unhealthily command wives, but wow.

The timing is kinda funny for me, I just finished most of a careful dance of getting away from our1st SGT's (who I adore) wife ( who is proving to be a unstable pain in the butt) I have the flexibility of that we are leaving the unit, and that I'm so close with the 1st SGT that he privately agrees with me, but it was still scary to tell her to butt out.


----------



## gagin37

http://www.fayobserver.com/articles/...03278?sac=Home here's the story from our local paper here in Fayetteville. It's all the buzz up here.

eta: it looks like it's the same article.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
I'm sure most of us have dealt with unhealthily command wives

I have never had a problem with any of my dh's command's spouses. I have had to deal with an unstable spouse, who just happened to be our FRO (same as a FRG leader), but not the wife of my dh's CO. The issues with her that I was involved with were personal and only affect the unit because she was the FRO not because she was doing anything to any of the other families. She did abuse her position for personal stuff that was not directly related to the other families. It was/is a really bizarre situation, ongoing because she is in jail awaiting trial, again not for things related to the unit but the entire unit was affected because she was the FRO. Gosh, all of that is confusing, huh? Sorry.


----------



## ~adorkable~

yeah i have nevr had a probelm with an actual comand spouse, just with some spouses of very high ranking hubbies or FRG realted things. the one i have been dealing with recently is that os the 1st SGT rather than the comander, she is very nice. and i used to have to tip toe around the FRG leader becasue she was bitchy and nt up for the job anymore, but her hubby was my hubbies direct superior in day to tday things.

of course im FRG leader know nd i bend over backwards to be as helpful and nice as i can, hopefully i broke the cycle in this unt for a while


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
oh and that "Award of Fatherhood" that i gave my DH as a way to tell him i am preggo....
i need to go get a cluster for it or something.









http://www.adorkable.me/








+







=









Okay, I haven't been at MDC as it is just SOOOO addicting, but here I am again, and I am so happy for you, Adorkable. Congratulations. I will be sending good thoughts to those babies in there.

Re: Drinkwine: How screwed up. Talk about drama! Our FRG seems pretty normal but I am clueless as regards drama so who knows. It might all be going over my head.

I'm supposed to become a POC sometimes soon. That should be fun.







I am glad to take on a little bit of responsibility.


----------



## ~Katie~

I haven't heard of that particular situation while here until now, that's really shocking. I have to agree with the article that the attitude of the commander's wife having some kind of power and influence is one held by a lot of older generations. I can't believe he didn't reign her in because now he's really damaged his own career and credibility pretty much beyond repair. When my DH first got in the Army I met a lot of LTC's and above wive's because they were family friends and such, and the sense of entitlement was pretty shocking to me. Their behavior at times was down-right horrific. It's not something I regularly observe among younger wives.

I've only had one run-in with psycho behavior in our FRG (some of you know the details). I never ended up finding out who she was but it was an eye-opener forcing me to make myself even more transparent. Some people thrive on drama and power over others, it's almost sociopath-like in a way.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
When my DH first got in the Army I met a lot of LTC's and above wive's because they were family friends and such, and the sense of entitlement was pretty shocking to me. Their behavior at times was down-right horrific. It's not something I regularly observe among younger wives.

I haven't run into this at all but I stay pretty detached from my dh's units. I'm jut not into most of the military life stuff. I go to functions only with my dh when he wants to go and it's a family thing.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Some people thrive on drama and power over others, it's almost sociopath-like in a way.

Yeah, and that's so foreign to me that I'm always shocked by it. It's possible that many of the people who apply for jobs like FRG leader or FRO are the type who are like that. They want the job because they think it gives them more power and status over others. Present company excluded, of course.


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## ~Katie~

I almost think it comes from boredom. The internet makes it even worse because you can find any information about anyone and one can use it to their advantage if they want to threaten or blackmail someone, as it appear's this woman did according to the article. I never thought I'd become a target like that online because I stupidly assumed I had more privacy and really only have this group to vent to since I don't have anybody in real life. I'm not involved in our FRG at all and don't regularly go to events, either. It's not worth it to put myself out there, because clearly if someone wants to do harm they will go to any length to do it so it's best to just remain anonymous. There doesn't even have to be a justifiable reason for it, it's just insanity.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I didn't have any problem putting my dh's name on ds3's birth certificate even though he wasn't here. A general POA is all you need to take care of most things while your dh is gone. The only time I had to get a special POA was to apply for a mortgage for our house.

Out here (Ft. Lewis), the units are telling us that we need specific POAs for pretty much every transaction (i.e. DEERS, bank accounts, buying/renting a home etc.) because of rampant general POA abuse. When DH deployed, we ended up getting about 10 different specific POAs based on possible scenarios. I would suggest speaking with, or having your DH, speak with the JAG officer assigned to his unit regarding which POAs are required and/or if a general POA will suffice.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I haven't heard of that particular situation while here until now, that's really shocking. I have to agree with the article that the attitude of the commander's wife having some kind of power and influence is one held by a lot of older generations. I can't believe he didn't reign her in because now he's really damaged his own career and credibility pretty much beyond repair. When my DH first got in the Army I met a lot of LTC's and above wive's because they were family friends and such, and the sense of entitlement was pretty shocking to me. Their behavior at times was down-right horrific. It's not something I regularly observe among younger wives.

I've only had one run-in with psycho behavior in our FRG (some of you know the details). I never ended up finding out who she was but it was an eye-opener forcing me to make myself even more transparent. Some people thrive on drama and power over others, it's almost sociopath-like in a way.

Yep. I hate to say it, but many of us who want to help and be a resource for spouses get turned off to FRG and resign our positions, as I did, because of crazy and/or shocking behavior from others in the FRG. Our unit advisor decided to blacklist me for her own strange reasons, and has gone out of her way to be rude to me and my children







in public because of it. She and her spouse have a multitude of issues, so I try to forgive and pray for her rather than be angry with her. It's just sad that she takes her frustrations out on innocent parties rather than dealing with them.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Out here (Ft. Lewis), the units are telling us that we need specific POAs for pretty much every transaction (i.e. DEERS, bank accounts, buying/renting a home etc.) because of rampant general POA abuse. When DH deployed, we ended up getting about 10 different specific POAs based on possible scenarios. I would suggest speaking with, or having your DH, speak with the JAG officer assigned to his unit regarding which POAs are required and/or if a general POA will suffice.

Yeah, I know that's what is recommended but it's a personal choice. We've always just gotten a general POA. I've never had a problem doing anything with it. It's always been accepted at any of the military departments where I've needed, like registering my car on base or getting a military ID, even changing things on my dh's pay. My dh trusts me and knows I'm not going to sell everything he owns, get a bunch of credit cards in his name and run off with the pool boy.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Yeah, I know that's what is recommended but it's a personal choice. We've always just gotten a general POA. I've never had a problem doing anything with it. It's always been accepted at any of the military departments where I've needed, like registering my car on base or getting a military ID, even changing things on my dh's pay. My dh trusts me and knows I'm not going to sell everything he owns, get a bunch of credit cards in his name and run off with the pool boy.









I think what she's saying is that a lot of places here won't accept General POAs. It's up to the business. As these wars continue and women destroy soldiers lives while deployed, people are more and more wary of accepting them.

I have a Gen POA, but we've also had Special POAs made for real estate purchases. It's one of those YMMV things.

I've never been a fan of the FRG. It shouldn't apply to us, yet I've found myself having to sit in DH's and have to listen to an explanation of an LES. Or i get to hear, "My husband is an officer. Is your husband an officer? The other day, my officer husband said the funniest thing. Well, you know he went to officer training, because he's well, an officer". Dude, find your own accomplishments to brag about.

hese days I simply refuse to go.


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Out here (Ft. Lewis), the units are telling us that we need specific POAs for pretty much every transaction (i.e. DEERS, bank accounts, buying/renting a home etc.) because of rampant general POA abuse. When DH deployed, we ended up getting about 10 different specific POAs based on possible scenarios. I would suggest speaking with, or having your DH, speak with the JAG officer assigned to his unit regarding which POAs are required and/or if a general POA will suffice.

yeah we are out here as well and have gotten the same info, better save than sorry, right. and some banks also are a PITA and make you go in with your general or a special banking *and your husband* and then fill out one of theirs! i dont even think its legal but i fought it a lot and im pretty flippin stubborn, just go and talk to a manager and make sure you get it figured out before he is gone and it is too late.

oh and anyone that tells you you need to give them an original for them to have on file, dont buy it, JAG told me twice you are not really supposed to have multiple originals and notarized copies are perfectly legal and folks need to take them


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
yeah we are out here as well and have gotten the same info, better save than sorry, right. and some banks also are a PITA and make you go in with your general or a special banking *and your husband* and then fill out one of theirs! i dont even think its legal but i fought it a lot and im pretty flippin stubborn, just go and talk to a manager and make sure you get it figured out before he is gone and it is too late.

oh and anyone that tells you you need to give them an original for them to have on file, dont buy it, JAG told me twice you are not really supposed to have multiple originals and notarized copies are perfectly legal and folks need to take them

No one is legally bound to accept any POA. It's up to the discretion of the person you are doing business with. But, yeah, you shouldn't have to give them your original. My cell phone company made a photocopy of mine. I think I had to send a copy to someone else, maybe our insurance company. I can't remember who now. We did have to get a special POA for me to buy our house while my dh was gone but getting it even while he was in Iraq wasn't that difficult. My general POA was accepted when I added ds3 to DEERS. That wasn't a problem, either.


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## MommaKitten21

Thank you ladies for the help with the POA and the birth certificate issue!! We will be talking to JAG tomorrow and figure out what we should do.

Also, I'm nervous now about all the FRG stuff!! I was just thinking about getting seriously involved...now? Hmm. Not so sure! lol.


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## MarineWife

I wonder if the military should rethink the idea of having civilians, especially spouses, in those positions. That's something new for the Marines. If I understand it correctly, the civilian/spouse FRO is replacing the Key Volunteers. I understand the reasoning behind it but maybe it's not working out so well. I recently filled out a survey on how well the new FRO program is working. A lot of my answers were that I didn't know.


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## ~adorkable~

i am a FRG leader and i want to say to nearly everyone that the FRG is what you make it. there are usually few women that are really active so one personal good attitude can really sway the group.

our unit does not feel like they need a FRG that much but when things happen and units deploy suddenly they want one, but if thy never worked at it before then, it is really disjointed. working on it being a group before you need it will mean you can count on it more later.


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## Blueone

Hi, my husband enlisted back last year in February. He's been deployed for just over 3 months, almost 4 already (can't believe it).

Just this past week though, I've already gotten 2 red notices due to 2 deaths and 4 injuries (total with both red notices). How do you all deal with receiving red notices? The first time I got one I about panicked because no one had called or anything. I figured it couldn't be my husband, but still all the sudden the seriousness of the situation just really hit hard. This time someone called with that standard "your soldier is still alive." I don't know many of the soldiers in the platoon, but still, it's a little nerve racking. I keep repeating that I know he will live, but it's stressful.


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## Sarah W

Here's the thing about Red notices...they are horrible, but if you get one you automatically know your husband is OK. It won't go out until the next of kin has been notified.


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## EdnaMarie

Ugh, I am forseeing a long, horrible bout of survivor guilt.







I'm sorry to hear about all the notices Blueone.


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## Blueone

Well, he didn't know the people from the first one. In fact, he didn't even know about it. But the people from the C company, that will be harder. He' in the A company.

I told him when he first enlisted he'd have to go to therapy when he returns. He tried to reason out of it, but all I said was "I don't care if you aren't injured, I want you to have someone to talk to." I worked with one soldier once and once my husband enlisted I said I wouldn't work with them anymore. It would hit home a little too closely for me.

But yes, I do agree that there is a morbid upside to the red notices.


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## MarineWife

I have never received a red notice. Never even heard of one and my dh has been deployed 4 times. I have heard about deaths surrounding my dh when he was deployed at that was very hard to take. His very first deployment the convoy he was in was ambushed. Luckily, no one was injured badly. I don't know what to say about coping with the fear. I guess I just sort of pushed the thought that my dh could get hurt or killed to the back of my mind and tried not to think about it. And, yes, it seems kind of horrible, but I felt some relief that my dh wasn't one of the ones hurt or killed.

Adorkable ~ Has the Army always had civilian FRG leaders or did they used to be AD? If having a civilian leader is new, what do you think about the change? I think the volunteer groups that act as liason between the unit and the families is very important. However, I'm not sure it's a good idea to put a CO's wife in a leadership position. KWIM? I have noticed that the CO's wife of my dh's units has an expectation put on her to take the initiative in the social networking of the units. I think that's probably enough.


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## NikkoKitty

My husband is in the Navy. Right now we're in Pensacola for his A-School, and I just found out that I'm pregnant. I hope to get to know you ladies, and learn some of the tricks of the trade to being a mother with a military husband.


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## EdnaMarie

Welcome NikkoKitty! And congratulations!


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## ~Katie~

Welcome Nikkokitty


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## Sarah W

Welcome NikkoKitty! You are in a great area! I grew up in the Destin/FWB area. It's so beautiful. (for a little bit longer, that is)


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## MommaKitten21

Congratulations NikkoKitty!!







and welcome!!


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## Blueone

Welcome and Congratulations!!







Wishing you good vibes for the pregnancy.


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## MarineWife

NoKitty and congratulations on the pregnancy!


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## gagin37

Welcome NikkoKitty!


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## Katsmamajama

Wow, I haven't been here in awhile! 

Welcome, NikkoKitty!







The ladies here are fantastic-- welcome aboard!










So, in the last month or so, we've been so ccrazy-busy that I'm surprised we didn't pass ourselves in the doorway! Jeez! DH (finally) got his orders to PCS from Hawaii and go to school, so we busted butt getting things ready to move.

Our last week went a little something like this: Sunday we picked up the rental, Monday we dropped off DH's POV at port, Tuesday the movers came for the HHG's, and Wednesday/Thursday we flew home. Whew! We spent Memorial Day weekend and the next week with my family, DH left that Thursday for Ft. Lee and his schooling, and I'm still here at my parents' house until he finishes school at the end of July.

I'm positively livid about our household goods, and I haven't even seen what condition they'll be in when/if they make it to Ft. Hood. The guy came through to do the packout inspection Thursday before they came to pack, and told my husband to expect them between 9 and noon. They kinda gave my husband the run-around whenever he called ("they're on their way/be there in the next hour" for 4 hours!) and FINALLY showed up to begin packing our house up.....at 3pm. Our whole 4 bedroom townhouse had to be packed up that night! They managed to finish it up at 8:30, and they were closing the crates in the dark, so I'm praying that everything made it in. They almost packed up our full trashcan, I almost wondered if they were going to pack up our baby, and some of them had a crap-tastic attitude! The one foreman had a great attitude, but the crew just seemed pissy, and the other guy who seemed to be in charge was kind of snotty. Some of the tired/crankiness I can understand, they said they had 2 other packouts before they got to our house. However, if you have 3 packouts a day......don't tell the 3rd packout that you'll be there at 9am!! We were freaking out, because we had to be at the airport by noon the next day-- so we couldn't have them come back the next morning!

So, we're all packed, and sitting in Ohio now, thank goodness!! DH has been at school for 2 weeks now, and so far so good. He seemed a little nervous about it to begin with, and he's found out that after being in Garrison for so long, he's not used to the schoolhouse early hours-- he's been pretty exhausted lately. So far so good, though, and hopefully the next couple months go easily!


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## ~Katie~

Hi Angie, glad you made it to Ohio but I'm sorry to hear about the movers. I've definitely had mixed experiences with movers. We were fortunate enough for this last move to have decent movers, though one of them seemed to be a compulsive liar and liked telling me stories. I hope the next couple of months go easily for your both!


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## Sarah W

Wow, that's a crazy busy few days! At least it is over with. Just make sure nothing is broken when they unpack! We've been really lucky and have had very little damaged over the years.

It's been a sad week at Ft Lewis. My old unit lost three guys this weekend. It is so sad, because they were a couple weeks from coming home.


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## EdnaMarie

Wow, Kat, that sounds awful. I don't know if we'll move much next time we PCS. Don't trust the movers. Our movers were awful, too.

Sarah, I am so, so sorry. Are they in Afghanistan?







We just had our Family Readiness briefing tonight. They really do get you ready. Lots of people hate this post for some reason but I think they're pretty organized.


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## Katsmamajama

Edna, the movers who packed us up to move to Hawaii were fantastic, and even the ones who packed us in Germany were good-- there's good ones out there....just not this one.







I told DH I wanted to file a negative ICE comment, but only after I make sure our stuff won't get thrown off the boat in retaliation! 

That's so sad, Sarah!







To be so, so close to coming home........ My thoughts are with you, and your old unit.


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## Sarah W

No, they are in Iraq...it's 3/2 Stryker. 5/2 is in Afghanistan. I actually worked with them when I was there. They've had a tough time, too. I think they've lost 33.

Did you know that Ft. Lewis is the most requested post in the Army? I wouldn't have thought so, although we love it here and plan to stay, but it is.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katsmamajama* 
I'm positively livid about our household goods, and I haven't even seen what condition they'll be in when/if they make it to Ft. Hood. The guy came through to do the packout inspection Thursday before they came to pack, and told my husband to expect them between 9 and noon. They kinda gave my husband the run-around whenever he called ("they're on their way/be there in the next hour" for 4 hours!) and FINALLY showed up to begin packing our house up.....at 3pm. Our whole 4 bedroom townhouse had to be packed up that night! They managed to finish it up at 8:30, and they were closing the crates in the dark, so I'm praying that everything made it in.

Sounds like Aloha time. The movers we had pack us up when we were moving from HI were pretty bad. One guy said he had a hurt foot or something. He only had one shoe on when he showed up. A few minutes later I saw him wearing one of my fluffy, pink slippers!

I have heard stories about movers packing up trash. You have to really keep an eye on them, which is hard to do when they are in 3 different rooms at once, there's only one of you and you are trying to take care of your LOs.

Sarah ~ I'm so sorry.


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## Sarah W

Movers packed my trash! It was when I was moving back from Korea. They also packed my briefcase w/ my briefcase and my access badges. I don't pay a lot of attention and I've paid for it.







:


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## Katsmamajama

DH and I would have loved to get Ft. Lewis-- he has family in Yakima Valley somewhere, and my cousin just moved outside Seattle. Oh well, we'll be the meet-up point for said cousin and his family, down by the Keys. 

Ewww, he wore your slippers?!?! I would have flipped, my footwear is precious to me-- even Kat knows what shoes she can/not wear when playing dress-up!  I'm going to be surprised when we get our HHG delivery, I think. DH sent us (the DD's and me) to a friend's house for the evening, before the band banquet at the school. He's better at seeing things that go wrong than I am (or at least more assertive about it), but with 3 guys upstairs and 2 guys downstairs, I can only imagine what he didn't see/catch. The stuff I was super-anal about I packed in the week prior, so the rest of the stuff is minor, but...we'll see what they came up with.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katsmamajama* 
Ewww, he wore your slippers?!?!

Yep. It was the strangest thing. Apparently, he saw them in my room and just put one on. They went in the trash as soon as the movers were gone.


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## MommaKitten21

Sick! That is so gross! I don't blame you for putting them in the trash!

Oh man I just want to pack everything myself! I have heard wayyyyy too many horror stories for my liking. Maybe I will bake our movers some cookies.... maybe they will like me and be gentle to my stuff!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Sick! That is so gross! I don't blame you for putting them in the trash!

Oh man I just want to pack everything myself! I have heard wayyyyy too many horror stories for my liking. Maybe I will bake our movers some cookies.... maybe they will like me and be gentle to my stuff!









We do tip the movers, $20 a piece. DH doesn't tip them until they are done, though, so I don't see how that would influence how well they pack. Now that I think about it, he did go out and get them some lunch, too.

The problem with packing yourself, so I've been told, is that unless you are also going to move yourself, the movers will have to unpack everything so they can inventory it. We didn't take our chine and crystal with us when we moved to HI because it's antique and so can't be easily replaced and we didn't want to risk it.


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## MovingMomma

Yeah, if you pack anything yourself, the movers are not liable for damages to those boxes. We always do a partial DITY and bring irreplaceables with us.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
We always do a partial DITY and bring irreplaceables with us.

You can't do a DITY from HI.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
No, they are in Iraq...it's 3/2 Stryker. 5/2 is in Afghanistan. I actually worked with them when I was there. They've had a tough time, too. I think they've lost 33.

Did you know that Ft. Lewis is the most requested post in the Army? I wouldn't have thought so, although we love it here and plan to stay, but it is.

LOL, thanks a lot, I'm from Pierce County. Hah! It's probably requested by people who haven't realized that if you want to live in one of the nice high QoL places, you are going to have a bee of a commute. I love it there too. It was our first choice, then we chose Northern Europe.

"The problem with packing yourself, so I've been told, is that unless you are also going to move yourself, the movers will have to unpack everything so they can inventory it."

We PCSed from Ft. Lewis and I had stuff in OPEN containers in storage, because I wanted them to re-pack. They didn't re-pack a darn thing. I was like, WTF? Several things broke!!!


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
No, they are in Iraq...it's 3/2 Stryker. 5/2 is in Afghanistan. I actually worked with them when I was there. They've had a tough time, too. I think they've lost 33.

Did you know that Ft. Lewis is the most requested post in the Army? I wouldn't have thought so, although we love it here and plan to stay, but it is.

I heard about that as well... a couple of spouses in my neighborhood have DHs in that unit, so it's been a sad few days since we got the news. My prayers go out to their families







.

I, too, am surprised that Lewis is most requested. We were not expecting to be here because of my DH's branching, but learned that a new MI unit had formed shortly before he finished MIBOLC, so we were pulled from our intended duty station and sent here instead. The area is nice enough, but the lack of sunshine takes it's toll!

AFM, I am plugging along with this pregnancy (18w4d today!), and looking forward to my big u/s next week. I am meeting with the maternal fetal medicine specialist that same day to discuss prenatal testing, but am likely to decline everything. The weather is still rainy and/or overcast pretty much every day, which is depressing







. My older boys leave to visit their father for the summer on Thursday, which is also the last day of the school year. My DH is nearing the end of his deployment, and should be home sometime in the early fall. My 2 yr old DS has decided he doesn't like daddy and won't talk to him on Skype anymore, which makes us all sad







. I'm sure many of you have had similar situations with your little ones. We know he'll be OK, and I do not force him to look at daddy on the computer.

Looking forward to more updates!


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## EdnaMarie

"My 2 yr old DS has decided he doesn't like daddy and won't talk to him on Skype anymore, which makes us all sad ."

Absolutely. My child was like that at two. I think it's just too overwhelming for them at that age. She didn't want to sit still, she didn't want to answer questions, and she felt confused. It was the same with the phone. It was way easier to talk to her about pictures and then record her doing that, than having her Skype live.

She was always sweet about her dad when he wasn't on the phone!


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## ~Katie~

Tabitha - I'm glad the pregnancy is going well and your big ultrasound is next week, does that mean you're finding out gender? We had the same issue with Skype and phone calls when DH was gone. Liam eventually reached a point where he would rarely talk on the phone but liked the computer enough that he would talk for a while on there, probably because we used the phone for a longer period of time until DH had internet. For DS, I think he gets so overwhelmed by emotion and when things hurt him he just doesn't acknowledge it, and if he doesn't acknowledge it then it doesn't exist. He still refuses to say goodbye to anyone, even his friends. It seems like he feels if he says goodbye then it makes it real and perhaps they might be gone forever. In person was a different story and he warmed up quickly.


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## ~adorkable~

Glad to here the pregnancy is progressing good tabitha! I go in today for geneic counseling session and tomorrow for my first real OB appointment at Madigan, had the intake last week. I'm 9w0d and feeling great. The intake appointment was annoying, they didn't seem to understand that there was anything differntvin the planning or nutrition for a twin gestation, glad I have good books to tell me where they are being dumb!

ETA of and we got our 30 day deferral of the pcs to DC so we finally have the orders we want and will be driving across country some time in mid august!

Does anyone have experience getting hooked in with a OB at a MTF before you move? Since I'm going to be moving exactly when I will be needing my anatomy u/s I want to make sure that I can call ahead and schedule it so that it happens at the proper timeframe. I'm going to be hooking up with local birth centers but will continue fill shadow care at the MTF

Also does anyone have any first hand info about the L&D of either Walter reed or bethesda naval hospital? I would like to get settled in to the better of the two assuming that i am allowed to go it either.


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## MarineWife

My 6yo ds rarely talks to dh on the phone. I don't really know why. I think it's more that he doesn't like to talk on the phone than anything else. We haven't had Skype at any time while dh has been gone so I don't know if that would be different. My 3yo ds loves to talk on the phone to anyone.

Adorkable ~ If you don't mind me asking, why are you going to do dual care with a MTF and birth center when you get to DC? TriCare covers birth center care, doesn't it? I don't know anything about the OB care at the MTFs up there but there was a really good birthing center in Alexandria when we lived up there about 8 years ago. That's where we were planning to birth if I had gotten pg and given birth while we were in VA.


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## MaerynPearl

My 7yo also hates talking on the phone... even to me (DH and he are driving down to NC right now) it just isn't natural to him I think.

The funny part is he is okay with sending text messages to DH or I from our phones... and loved peeking his head in during Skype calls while DH was in Iraq/Kuwait. But he wouldn't talk. Just wave and wander off. He would often tell me things to tell DH... but didn't like doing it himself.

DD however would sit on my lap and talk and joke around with DH while I sat there unable to get a word in edgewise lol.


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Also does anyone have any first hand info about the L&D of either Walter reed or bethesda naval hospital? I would like to get settled in to the better of the two assuming that i am allowed to go it either.

Do you know where you'll be living? My cousin had her baby at Andrews AFB 4 years ago. No first hand knowledge other than it was _old_ and empty. Like in a run down way.

I'm interested in your decision because I'm thinking that we may end up there around the time I'm ready for no. 2.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Glad to here the pregnancy is progressing good tabitha! I go in today for geneic counseling session and tomorrow for my first real OB appointment at Madigan, had the intake last week. I'm 9w0d and feeling great. The intake appointment was annoying, they didn't seem to understand that there was anything differntvin the planning or nutrition for a twin gestation, glad I have good books to tell me where they are being dumb!

ETA of and we got our 30 day deferral of the pcs to DC so we finally have the orders we want and will be driving across country some time in mid august!

Does anyone have experience getting hooked in with a OB at a MTF before you move? Since I'm going to be moving exactly when I will be needing my anatomy u/s I want to make sure that I can call ahead and schedule it so that it happens at the proper timeframe. I'm going to be hooking up with local birth centers but will continue fill shadow care at the MTF

Also does anyone have any first hand info about the L&D of either Walter reed or bethesda naval hospital? I would like to get settled in to the better of the two assuming that i am allowed to go it either.

Hi Adorkable: I had a similar experience with my intake appointment. The nurse knew a whole lot less than I did about high risk pregnancy, and basically told me to hold my questions for the OB. The little book you are given there is pretty useless as well, unless you have done no research whatsoever. I was able to get hooked in with one OB through some timely intervention by my counselor in the FAME clinic; however, I think you can request to see the same person each time you go in if you find a doctor you like. Are you assigned to the COB group (complicated OB)? If so, I recommend Dr. Magulsson. He is very gentle and thorough.

I'm so excited that this pregnancy is going well for you! Please PM me if you have any questions or just want to chat.


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## MarineWife

Oh, that reminds me of my OB at Tripler. He was a great high risk OB. Dr. Socher. He agreed to be my regular OB through the continuity care program. He had no problem at all with me having a VBAC even if I had to be induced. He said he really like that I was well-informed and knew what I wanted. He left HI soon after I had ds2, so about 6 years ago. I don't know where he is now but if you see his name at either of those places, I definitely recommend asking for him.


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## MarineWife

I just talked to my dh. He said when he checks in with his new unit he will get a battery command. That's good for him. For me, it means I will be a CO's wife (although, not THE CO's wife). Ack! I don't know how to be a CO's wife. Maybe I should reread that article I posted a while back.







I'm not even sure what a battery command is. I'm such a bad military wife.


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Do you know where you'll be living? My cousin had her baby at Andrews AFB 4 years ago. No first hand knowledge other than it was _old_ and empty. Like in a run down way.

I'm interested in your decision because I'm thinking that we may end up there around the time I'm ready for no. 2.










not sure exactly where we will live yet, but DH will be working at walter reed and then around Sept 2011 they will be closing WR and moving over and kinda taking over Bethesda (i know the name is changing , i have no idea what else is. I'll let you know what i find once i get there this Sept and after i birth in Jan.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hi Adorkable: I had a similar experience with my intake appointment. The nurse knew a whole lot less than I did about high risk pregnancy, and basically told me to hold my questions for the OB. The little book you are given there is pretty useless as well, unless you have done no research whatsoever. I was able to get hooked in with one OB through some timely intervention by my counselor in the FAME clinic; however, I think you can request to see the same person each time you go in if you find a doctor you like. Are you assigned to the COB group (complicated OB)? If so, I recommend Dr. Magulsson. He is very gentle and thorough.

I'm so excited that this pregnancy is going well for you! Please PM me if you have any questions or just want to chat.

oh that little book is such a joke! not to mention that i kept having to reminder her that what she was telling me was not correct "Because i was have twins, remember?" i was told originaly that i would clearly be put with COB, but i have no idea if i am, she did not even know at the start that i was with twins or that i had spent 3 years upstairs at the RE's, i have Dr Bunch tomorrow, i asked for a midwife that i had had a good time with many years ago, but she was way more booked out and i needed to get in before a out of town trip. im not to worried who i get since i am changing over to one of the DC MTFs, i wonder if what i do here matters much?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Oh, that reminds me of my OB at Tripler. He was a great high risk OB. Dr. Socher. He agreed to be my regular OB through the continuity care program. He had no problem at all with me having a VBAC even if I had to be induced. He said he really like that I was well-informed and knew what I wanted. He left HI soon after I had ds2, so about 6 years ago. I don't know where he is now but if you see his name at either of those places, I definitely recommend asking for him.

i will keep his name in my notes, thanks for the heads up!


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## MarineWife

Ok, I just realized why my previous question about the dual care was stupid, I think. I don't automatically assume a twin pg is high risk, and since I've been through IVF, I don't automatically consider an IVF pg high risk, either. I know some docs and REs do even though there's no scientific data that shows that, in general, a pg achieved through infertility treatments is any more high risk than a spontaneous pg unless the reason for the infertility makes the pg high risk.

I'm still a little confused, though. Are you planning to do dual care and considering birthing in a birthing center
I've been wondering what's going on with WR. I've been hearing forever that it was going to be shut down but then I keep hearing about people going there. Guess it just takes forever.


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## ~adorkable~

Sorry I forgot to reply to this one, I am doing dual care because I would prefer to be at a birth center and have a water birth, but I also understand that close monitoring and testing will give my the knowledge to be as powerful as I can be thru this all. And that I want to have gotten to know my back up team if I need them. I truely believe that pregnancy, even twins, is not a medical condition and I am a very healthy person.

Tricare prime does not cover birth centers from all the reading I have done only standard does, and since standard puts you at a disadvantage for getting MTF apoiments, it is a balancing act. Since I am due in Jan, I would be going thru two years of deductions and payments if I switched to standard and be spending a year with the hassles. So I'm thinking that if I get all my testing of any sort over at the MTF under prime, that I can probably pay out of pocket for the birth itself and it end up about the same as two calendar years of standard copays.

I've gone back and forth on this a few times, it's a hard one to balance. I'm open to any good advice. I'm guessing that any birth center that understands my set up will help me go get anything I can under the MTF ( like u/s and blood tests) and take the results so that they don't have to do it and charge me directly, they will of course make money from the birth itself.


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## love4bob

Hi! I'm Angie, and we are at Ft. Stewart. We are gearing up for deployment in a couple of weeks.







DH is TDY for 3 weeks, and gets back Saturday then leaves about a week after that. In addition we are TTC in the week before he leaves!!

Anyone else at Stewart?


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Tricare prime does not cover birth centers from all the reading I have done only standard does, and since standard puts you at a disadvantage for getting MTF apoiments, it is a balancing act. Since I am due in Jan, I would be going thru two years of deductions and payments if I switched to standard and be spending a year with the hassles. So I'm thinking that if I get all my testing of any sort over at the MTF under prime, that I can probably pay out of pocket for the birth itself and it end up about the same as two calendar years of standard copays.

I've gone back and forth on this a few times, it's a hard one to balance. I'm open to any good advice. I'm guessing that any birth center that understands my set up will help me go get anything I can under the MTF ( like u/s and blood tests) and take the results so that they don't have to do it and charge me directly, they will of course make money from the birth itself.

Oh, ok. Yeah, I can see how that would be a hard thing to decide. I've always had Standard so losing MTF access was never an issue for me. I'm used to not having it. Although, in HI when I was pg with ds2 it wasn't a problem. Even with Standard, I had to get all my maternity care at a MTF and I didn't have trouble getting into the K Bay clinic or Tripler for regular appointments for me or my children. It's a lot different here at Camp Lejeune.

You can file a request for outside care stating that the MTF can't provide you the care you want/need. It's up to the doc's at the MTF whether or not to approve it. I tried that at Tripler and was turned down because they said they could provide adequate care. I don't think they consider a non-medical birth environment a valid reason. It's worth a shot, though, because I've heard that, if the MTF is overbooked, they're more likely to grant approval for civilian care if you ask.

And, yeah, as long as the care providers at the birth center are recognized by TriCare they can give you orders/scripts for any tests and ultrasounds and such that you would need to take to the MTF. Regardless of which TC program you have, you will always have access to radiology, phlobotomy and the pharmacy.

Why would you have to be on Standard for two years? I thought that if you switched programs, you were only stuck for a year.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *love4bob* 
Hi! I'm Angie, and we are at Ft. Stewart. We are gearing up for deployment in a couple of weeks.

















sorry hun, went through it last year... complete with attempting to TTC before... then during R&R... then gave up when he came home so I wouldn't be pregnant at our wedding. Then decided at the last minute to let fate decide for us. I ended up getting married the day before I hit the third tri!

Good luck... and







you have a baby to keep your mind busy while he is gone!


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## love4bob

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 







sorry hun, went through it last year... complete with attempting to TTC before... then during R&R... then gave up when he came home so I wouldn't be pregnant at our wedding. Then decided at the last minute to let fate decide for us. I ended up getting married the day before I hit the third tri!

Good luck... and







you have a baby to keep your mind busy while he is gone!

Thanks! Depending on when AF starts, it could happen before he leaves. If not, we will try on R&R. I will stay busy even if we don't conceive before though! I've got three little ones 3 and under. Hopefully they will make time fly.


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## EdnaMarie

Adorkable- the only way I'd consider Prime for a pregnancy was if I had twins. Of course I'd try to go vaginal in a center, like I did with my first two, but frankly, the chances of a hospital birth are much higher, even a vaginal hospital birth, and the out-of-pocket expenses are high.

However, I prefer standard for my kids, but again, I would not want a premature child on standard. Standard is good if you're more or less healthy. Twins just have that higher risk that would make me want Prime.

So, I'm new to the army but I've already had a baby with them, and I say, prime for twins. That's just an opinion. If all goes well, it won't make any difference, and if you need extra assistance, you'll be glad you have prime, and you can ALWAYS switch out to standard.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Adorkable- the only way I'd consider Prime for a pregnancy was if I had twins. Of course I'd try to go vaginal in a center, like I did with my first two, but frankly, the chances of a hospital birth are much higher, even a vaginal hospital birth, and the out-of-pocket expenses are high.

However, I prefer standard for my kids, but again, I would not want a premature child on standard. Standard is good if you're more or less healthy. Twins just have that higher risk that would make me want Prime.

Except that it's possible to have a hospital birth at a MTF with Standard. I did. It depends a lot on how each particular MTF treats things. With ds3 my plan was to go to the MTF here if I had any complications that required a hospital birth. I seriously doubt that they'd transfer to another hospital if I was in the middle of a complicated labor. Of course, I don't know that for sure. Maybe that's something you can call the MTF anonymously to ask about. Also, remember that there's the $1000 catastrophic cap so if you had an emergency transfer to the closest hospital, that's the most you'd have to pay. But if you were already paying deductibles and copays for civilian care, you'd probably have already met or at least come very close to that cap by the time you had the babies.

From the stats I've read, the chances of a vaginal birth of both twins in a hospital are pretty slim, especially if you're already considered high risk for other reasons.

Here's something I found on Babycenter. I'm not sure if it's the best place for info but I just did a quick and dirty search.

Quote:

Many women carrying twins are able to have a vaginal birth, although *around six out of 10 twin births are by caesarean section*.
(my bolding)

Vaginal Birth of Twins


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## ~adorkable~

first of all a request girls, PLEASE STOP TAKING ABOUT ME BEING HIGH RISK, C SECTIONS AND PROBLEMS pleeese

i'm a big believer in positive thinking and i dont like the focus, i know it is the normal thing to do, i just request that we drop that part. thanks! twin are special care, they are not by themselves high risk of anything. i actually just talked my way out of the COB section today and back to the Nurse midwives, yipeee
twins are both cesarean too often. not because the need to be, but because doctors are lazy and scare moms into what is easiest for them and their policies. there are some times it can be indicated, but those are way way lower than what is done.

-i mentions 2 years on standard because the cap on cost is a calender year thing and my babies will be born in Jan, so between that and prenatal care i would pay two years worth of those fees

-since my MTF is either Bethesda or Walter reed, i would probably have a very hard time getting send into the civilian world, they both are major OB and L&D locations

-the babies would automatically be on prime even if i was on standard, when you switch it is for just you, the moment of their birth and any care they need from then on is on their own accounts

-one of the reasons that i am doing shadow care is so that i dont have to fuss if the birth center is tricare approved, if they want a test, im sure i can just go to a MTF OB and get them to "want" the same test. the only trick my be to get them to share the results, but i'm good at getting my hands on my records


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
first of all a request girls, PLEASE STOP TAKING ABOUT ME BEING HIGH RISK, C SECTIONS AND PROBLEMS pleeese

i'm a big believer in positive thinking and i dont like the focus, i know it is the normal thing to do, i just request that we drop that part. thanks! twin are special care, they are not by themselves high risk of anything. i actually just talked my way out of the COB section today and back to the Nurse midwives, yipeee
twins are both cesarean too often. not because the need to be, but because doctors are lazy and scare moms into what is easiest for them and their policies. there are some times it can be indicated, but those are way way lower than what is done.

I was not trying to say that twins are high risk or need c-sections. I know that's not the case. I was trying to make the point that the chances of having a c-section are higher with an OB and a hospital birth rather than the other way around.

That's wonderful that you were able to get yourself in with the midwives.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
-i mentions 2 years on standard because the cap on cost is a calender year thing and my babies will be born in Jan, so between that and prenatal care i would pay two years worth of those fees

I thought the cap on costs was a fiscal year thing. That's how mine works. It's starts over in October.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
-the babies would automatically be on prime even if i was on standard, when you switch it is for just you, the moment of their birth and any care they need from then on is on their own

Only for the first 2-3 months. Then you have to enroll them in Prime or it automatically switches to Standard regardless of which plan you are on.


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## MarineWife

I always forget about the POS option for Prime. You do have the option of getting care with anyone covered by TC even with Prime. It costs more, though. I think the deductible is $300 per person and the cost share/copays are 50%. None of the cost for using that service apply to your catastrophic cap.

Prime POS Option

That's from the the Humana military healthcare services website. I think that's the North Region so would cover NC and MD/DC/VA areas.


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## ~adorkable~

thanks for mentioning that POS option, i had forgotten about that, i will certainly check and see if any of the birth centers i am looking at are tricare providers at all, if so i can use POS to cut down my cost.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
first of all a request girls, PLEASE STOP TAKING ABOUT ME BEING HIGH RISK, C SECTIONS AND PROBLEMS pleeese

i'm a big believer in positive thinking and i dont like the focus, i know it is the normal thing to do, i just request that we drop that part. thanks! twin are special care, they are not by themselves high risk of anything. i actually just talked my way out of the COB section today and back to the Nurse midwives, yipeee
twins are both cesarean too often. not because the need to be, but because doctors are lazy and scare moms into what is easiest for them and their policies. there are some times it can be indicated, but those are way way lower than what is done.

I'm so sorry I mentioned it. I know a number of people who had twins vaginally, and I'll leave it at that.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
thanks for mentioning that POS option, i had forgotten about that, i will certainly check and see if any of the birth centers i am looking at are tricare providers at all, if so i can use POS to cut down my cost.

TC will not cover both MTF and civilian care at the same time. So, if you are going to a MTF now, you can't simultaneously use the POS option with a civilian provider.

When I did dual care with an OB clinic and my CPM, I was told that if TC found out I was paying my CPM out-of-pocket, they would require me to pay them back for all the OB charges. Something about if you choose to pay for medical care yourself with one provider, your insurance company is not obligated to pay for the same care with another provider.

The POS option would definitely cut down on your costs if you don't have a referral and choose to go solely with a civilian provider. And you can probably still use the MTF labs, pharmacy, radiology, etc.


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## ~adorkable~

So many things to take into account, so many little loop holes and pit falls! It's amazing that anyone ever figures out tricare or insurance in general.

And as for the mini freak out I lobbed at you ladies for the high risk comment, sorry I reacted so harsh. Can i blame pregnancy? Actually I had just had the most horrible talk with a friend and a guy even about my lack of morning sickness. His wife was recently pregnant and he has apparently become a freaking expert!
When I shared that I don't have a drop of morning sickness andmetformin on the baby related to fetal 'hypoglycemia' have "decided I won't" he flatly said, " well that won't last long, I'm sure your be sick any day now" REALLY! He actually said that shit to me.

I'm 9 1/2 weeks pregnant with healthy twins and show no signs of getting morning sick at all and have worked really hard on a diet that supports me and my babies really well. As far as I'm concerned my attitude and believing that I am going to be great is part of that health plan. So I'm getting kinda sick of spending my energy defending my head from all the nasayers.

I really apciate the ladies on MDC and the military mammas thread has been a wonderful place for me, specially when military life can be so unraveling. Sorry I snapped at you all. It is not the way I like to talk to people.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
So many things to take into account, so many little loop holes and pit falls! It's amazing that anyone ever figures out tricare or insurance in general.

It is very confusing. It's even worse when you call the customer service and get the wrong answers. I think they must only be trained on the basics of Prime. They don't seem to know much about Standard or Extra or anything that isn't routine. That's why I always look at the actual handbook first.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
And as for the mini freak out I lobbed at you ladies for the high risk comment, sorry I reacted so harsh. Can i blame pregnancy? Actually I had just had the most horrible talk with a friend and a guy even about my lack of morning sickness. His wife was recently pregnant and he has apparently become a freaking expert!
When I shared that I don't have a drop of morning sickness andmetformin on the baby related to fetal 'hypoglycemia' have "decided I won't" he flatly said, " well that won't last long, I'm sure your be sick any day now" REALLY! He actually said that shit to me.

I'm 9 1/2 weeks pregnant with healthy twins and show no signs of getting morning sick at all and have worked really hard on a diet that supports me and my babies really well. As far as I'm concerned my attitude and believing that I am going to be great is part of that health plan. So I'm getting kinda sick of spending my energy defending my head from all the nasayers.

I really apciate the ladies on MDC and the military mammas thread has been a wonderful place for me, specially when military life can be so unraveling. Sorry I snapped at you all. It is not the way I like to talk to people.

Don't worry about it. I just didn't want to be misunderstood. Even when pg with a singleton with absolutely no signs of any issues, people seem to talk about all the possible (even if only remotely probable) negatives about being pg. Just like you never hear the positive birth stories, only the horror stories, which are probably grossly exaggerated. And if anyone tries to say anything positive about pg or labor and birth, it is always shot down. It is very annoying.

I absolutely love being pg and get so excited about being in labor and giving birth. Most people look at me like I have 2 heads when I say things like that. It's really very sad. Most women don't realize how disempowering their attitudes are. I could go on and on. It makes me so frustrated.


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## EdnaMarie

Oh, no worries about me. I actually wondered when I wrote it if it wasn't too much... I guess it was. LOL. You're pregnant, you have the right to freak out at friends.


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## MommaKitten21

So we received a phone call today that DH's ship out date was moved forward to July 6th instead of July 17th. Lame! Now we have no chance to induce before he leaves.

I guess I am ok with all this. I mean, not like I can do anything to change it. Now, I'm just definitely going to start making plans and doing things to help set up for birthing without him here.

On the positive side, him leaving on July 6th gives me and ds some time alone before everything gets flipped upside down with the new baby. Hopefully, I can just focus on his needs during the transition. I feel so guilty for all these changes that are going to be dumped on him in a matter of weeks


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## ~adorkable~

MommaKitten, so sorry you are going thru so much at the same time, i do think it is a good point to stagger the changes for your ds a little bit. wishing you and your family a smooth birth and deployment


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## EdnaMarie

Oh, MommaKitten, your poor boy but it's not for you to feel guilty about it. There's nothing you could do.


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## Lovemytwogirls

Hey ladies. Any of you at or near Camp Lejeune? We will be there in a few months and I am looking for some like minded people. We are coming off recruiting duty so all of my current like minded friends are "civilians". I have some really great friends I will be meeting up with again at Lejeune, but none that share my parenting choices. I am a little nervous too when it comes to finding another good family doctor and chiro.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lovemytwogirls* 
Hey ladies. Any of you at or near Camp Lejeune? We will be there in a few months and I am looking for some like minded people. We are coming off recruiting duty so all of my current like minded friends are "civilians". I have some really great friends I will be meeting up with again at Lejeune, but none that share my parenting choices. I am a little nervous too when it comes to finding another good family doctor and chiro.

My DH is stationed at Camp LeJeune... the kids and I just moved down here this week and I must say I love how friendly all of my neighbors are already!

In my town of 2500 no one came over to introduce themselves for months except the one guy who shared the duplex with me... here we have had two families already invite us over... one for a bbq in just a few hours so we can meet more people from around here!

As for Dr. and Chiro I am no help... Im planning this week on looking into family practitioners for my kids and myself... my pregnancy is being taken care of by a wonderful midwife down here!


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## Lovemytwogirls

MaerynPearl- Are you living in base housing? and congrats on the new baby. I currently have a 2.5 yr old and a 2 month old. Will miss my midwife here a lot.

Movingmomma-. I will definitely be at a LLL meeting once we move there.









Marinewife- Thank you for the FB page. I am sure we will be on standard. We are currently on Prime Remote right now and see civilian docs because there is no base even close to where we live. Can you see civilian docs on Standard if you live by a base, or do you need the infamous referral first?









So excited to finally get to NC and get settled in for a bit.


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## goodygumdrops

Hi Ladies,

I haven't been following but I just read the entire post. Whew! This is certainly an active group.

I am thinking about joining my husband at Ft. Bliss in El Paso, TX. I am wondering if anyone can give me an idea of how long it takes to set up a move and if they move privately owned vehicles. I was on the move.mil site and I'm a bit confused.

Also, if anyone has broken a lease early, how did you go around breaking the news to your landlord. My lease is up in Dec but we will be trying to move in August.

Thanks


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## MaerynPearl

Nope, have a nice little house in Hubert. Base housing waiting list is too long for us (since we could only recently go on it as we only just got married finally)

I think we are going to stick with this house... for now we find it perfect. Its located about 5 minutes from the Hubert/172 gate and DH doesn't mind the drive at all. Bout 20 minutes, so it isn't all that bad.

Thank you for the congrats... we were kind of hoping to wait until after we were married to get pregnant but well... he came home from Iraq and you know how it goes!









In any case, several mommies from MDC pointed me toward my midwife, as well as one lady I already knew from down here whose son was born through her in February so I am very happy with her!


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## goodygumdrops

Oh, and the other thing. Does the military find houses for families off base? My husband implied something like this but he doesn't know for sure.

Thanks


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lovemytwogirls* 
Can you see civilian docs on Prime if you live by a base, or do you need the infamous referral first?









Not without a referral or non-availability statement (NAS). A lot of people do get NASes because there are so many military and the naval hospital is overloaded. I'm not sure if it's random or if you can ask for it and I don't know how likely it is to be able to stay at the MTF if you've been referred out. At the risk of getting into trouble, my experience with the civilian docs here has not been good. If I were Prime, I'd definitely ask to be seen at the MTF.

Quote:

Does the military find houses for families off base?
Sort of. Normally, you get yourself on their waiting list and they tell you when a house opens up for you. The wait can be long sometimes. If you have to find a place out in town in the meantime, you're pretty much on your own. You can usually get a list of places or maybe neighborhoods that the base housing offices thinks are ok and those that are not good but I wouldn't call them endorsements or anything. In other words, just because the place is listed as an acceptable place to live by the base housing office doesn't mean it's a nice, safe place.


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## MovingMomma

Take this FWIW, b/c the last time we moved was 7 years ago, but the housing office would maintain lists of rentals available in town that they could sort by specific criteria (price, # of bedrooms, pets or no, etc). However, we always found those lists pretty useless b/c most of the places were gone already. I don't know if they still do this at all or not!


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *goodygumdrops* 
Hi Ladies,

I haven't been following but I just read the entire post. Whew! This is certainly an active group.

I am thinking about joining my husband at Ft. Bliss in El Paso, TX. I am wondering if anyone can give me an idea of how long it takes to set up a move and if they move privately owned vehicles. I was on the move.mil site and I'm a bit confused.


Is your husband just moving now too? Or is he already there for a while, this changes a lot!
If he is currently moving to a new unit and has PCS orders there is a lot of help you can get, if he is already there and you are just joining him, there is not much help that I know of.
In neither situation will they move a car for you within the continental US, unless he is on orders and physically uncapable of driving the car.

Quote:


Also, if anyone has broken a lease early, how did you go around breaking the news to your landlord. My lease is up in Dec but we will be trying to move in August.

Thanks
Again if he has orders to move there are military clauses that protect you and let you break the lease, if this is the case you can talk to the housing folks on base and they can help you with any issues that come up with landlords. Around bases landlords seem to be really understanding, they have probably seen it many times, if you are not in a military community, it will take more explaining, and the housing folks can help a lot.

Can you explain the situation a bit more so we can give you the best info. Mostly does he have orders to move or expecting them soon or is the only one moving at this point you? And yes, it is all very hard to figure out, we are going thru a move right now, our first to a new area together, so very different from our last few moves that were our choice or in the same area.


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## goodygumdrops

Yes, my husband was just assigned to El Paso as his first duty station. He just picked up a bunch of stuff left on Monday. I would be called move.mil tomorrow

Thanks for the help.
Amy


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## ~adorkable~

Hmm he should have gotten a levy breif and instructed all about a move, I'm a tad worried about you trying to araigne stuff after he is already checked in. Look into it right away, plans should have been made the moment he found out where he was headed. I hope they didn't consider his stuff as your pcs move and call it done now.

Please let us know how it goes. I know that here on the army base all moves are set up thru JSSCO or something that sounds like that. He has a weight limit based on dependents and rank.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Hmm he should have gotten a levy breif and instructed all about a move, I'm a tad worried about you trying to araigne stuff after he is already checked in. Look into it right away, plans should have been made the moment he found out where he was headed. I hope they didn't consider his stuff as your pcs move and call it done now.

Please let us know how it goes. I know that here on the army base all moves are set up thru JSSCO or something that sounds like that. He has a weight limit based on dependents and rank.











Your dh should've had to take a brief about moving, gotten tons of paperwork to fill out. The military should be arranging everything with him coordinating it.


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## Lovemytwogirls

How long is the wait list for base housing? We have never lived on base before because since we didnt have kids it was just more advantageous for us to live off base. Now that we have the kiddos though, I am thinking that with deployments starting up again it would be easier to just live in housing. We were at Pendelton, then 29 Palms and the housing in both of those places were all connected. Is it the same at Lejeune or are there some single family homes as well? Also are there any CSA's around the area also? Hoping to get in on one. Around here they are all pretty full.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lovemytwogirls* 
How long is the wait list for base housing? We have never lived on base before because since we didnt have kids it was just more advantageous for us to live off base. Now that we have the kiddos though, I am thinking that with deployments starting up again it would be easier to just live in housing. We were at Pendelton, then 29 Palms and the housing in both of those places were all connected. Is it the same at Lejeune or are there some single family homes as well? Also are there any CSA's around the area also? Hoping to get in on one. Around here they are all pretty full.

What's a CSA? Community supported ag? There was/is one that I know of down 53 south. Not too far from J'ville. I've never looked into it, personally, so can't recommend it.

The wait for and type of housing depends on rank and family size. You can call the housing office to find out what's available for your dh's rank and family size and what the wait would be. I'm not sure what you mean by connected. Do you mean all in the same neighborhood, all on the main base or all in one building like apartments or duplexes? There are several housing areas. Some on the main base, some in an area right outside and across the street from the main base entrance, a completely separate area down the main road a bit from the main base and housing on the air station. There are also several types of housing, duplexes, quadraplexes (? I think. At least, it looks like there are some that have 4 homes side by side in one building like town homes.) and detached homes.


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## goodygumdrops

Great. Thanks for the support. My husband is talking with the housing office now to arrange a move. I just sent in application for my son's school. Going to work on my fafsa now since I'm going to be switching schools. Can't believe I'm moving to the desert.

Amy


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## MaerynPearl

From our experience looking into it ourselves and a couple friends doing so as well... http://www.lejeune.usmc.mil/family_h.../Waittimes.htm is kept pretty up-to-date on how long it will be.

(you can also wander around that site to see what housing looks like and where it is locate for what rank)


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## Lovemytwogirls

Thanks for all the great info. By connected housing I meant like duplexes and apt type living. I am hoping we could get into a single family home. DH is not too thrilled about living on base so I think that would help him feel better about it. He says it would just feel to him like he won't ever be away from work. I can't wait to get there and explore the area. I visited for two weeks last summer when DH was in school there but we did not know that we were getting orders there yet. The area seems very beautiful though. We did go shrimping and caught over 200 shrimp. That was a lot of fun.


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## MarineWife

Those wait times actually don't look too bad. When we moved here in August/September 2006 (can't remember exactly when dh checked in), we had a house as soon as we were ready to move in, no waiting at all.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lovemytwogirls* 
Thanks for all the great info. By connected housing I meant like duplexes and apt type living. I am hoping we could get into a single family home. DH is not too thrilled about living on base so I think that would help him feel better about it. He says it would just feel to him like he won't ever be away from work. I can't wait to get there and explore the area. I visited for two weeks last summer when DH was in school there but we did not know that we were getting orders there yet. The area seems very beautiful though. We did go shrimping and caught over 200 shrimp. That was a lot of fun.

If for whatever reason you decide to live off base, I highly suggest looking around Hubert. We are really close to a gate (about 5 minutes) and the neighborhood we are in is so quiet its like living in a small town... but still within reasonable driving distance to all the big stores and such.

We looked at 4-5 beautiful homes all within our price range and all within just a few blocks of the home we did decide on... all single-family homes and as far as I have seen most, if not all, have a fenced back yard (which I LOVE!)

the ONLY downside is we are very close to base lol... which means we hear a lot of booms (never even as loud as thunder though) from training on base... but its nothing compared to living a block from a railway like I did at my last home! Ill take a boom here and there over trains every 2 hours!


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## justKate

Hi ladies. I'm missing being near a base these days. Huz is in a program now where he just goes to school for two years (UT here in Austin, TX), then pays them back with a 4 year committment. (No big deal, we're planning to do 20 anyway.) We're halfway through this program so expecting orders Dec-Feb '11 timeframe. I've been pretty down this tour, and I'm thinking its related to the fact that I don't have any contact with other military spouses. No resources here really--no commissary, no MTF (good and bad). I miss Key West so much, partly because it was a small, close-knit base and you couldn't go anywhere without meeting someone or seeing someone you knew. So different from here. And since its a short tour (2 years or less) I haven't really made any effort to make friends here. With working and a toddler, it's just not worth it, it seems.

Next move will be our 5th move in 6 years of marriage, so there's some stress there too. I can't wait to get back to a real military community. Something about it is comforting...

Not sure that makes any sense, just talking, I guess. Sorry to be Debbie Downer! The moves, job changes, lack of family nearby, lack of friends, lack of like-minded people, etc. is just sorta getting to me today. Thanks to you all for understanding.










Kate


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## Lovemytwogirls

We will have to check out Hubert. I liked Sneeds Ferry and Top Sail when I visited there. Is Hubert by these towns?

I know what you mean justKate about not being by a military community. It can be really hard when nobody really understands your situation. We have been on recruiting duty for three years with no family even remotely close by. I have had both my daughters since we have been here too which has made it harder not having family around. A lot of people around here actually think that my husband is a civilian recruiting for the military and gets commissions on the number of people he enlists. I have been amazed in the last three years about the ignorance of a lot of people that don't have the slightest idea about anything that has to do with the military. I have met a lot of really great people here though that I am really going to miss when we move. Even though we were here for such a short time, I don't think I could have done it sanely without the people I have met. I think that is just another benefit of being in the military life. You meet people where ever you go so no matter where you are you won't be completely alone. At least that is an outlook I try to keep.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lovemytwogirls* 
We will have to check out Hubert. I liked Sneeds Ferry and Top Sail when I visited there. Is Hubert by these towns?

Hubert is opposite side of the base from Sneads Ferry (Sneads Ferry is the 172 gate on that side, Hubert is the 172 gate on this side)... but its still a nice area. It seems to be less traffic over here on this side... at least to me. DH works in Courthouse Bay which I believe is closer to Sneads Ferry but we really just fell in love with how nice Hubert is.

Swansboro isnt that bad either, and still within a very very reasonable driving distance of the base. I have friends that live in Piney Green and would not personally recommend that area or Jacksonville itself... but I am really big on the small-town vibe. I grew up and lived in towns of 500 to 2500 people so city life (even if its just several thousand population) isn't for me!

When looking into areas to live though, we went for this one based on the schools. I do not homeschool but the Sand Ridge Elementary school is as close to DSs small town school he had to leave as I can find around here, in terms of class size and such. Plus it is only about a 2-3 minute drive from our home (though the kids will be riding the bus to/from school most days)


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## ~adorkable~

Wanted to give you all the heads up, Borders Books is having a 25% off nearly everything in the store sale for military folks from today till the 4th!
It is in store only and pretty awesome. From what I have been reading to look up the details today, they seem to have a long history of support of military families.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Wanted to give you all the heads up, Borders Books is having a 25% off nearly everything in the store sale for military folks from today till the 4th!
It is in store only and pretty awesome. From what I have been reading to look up the details today, they seem to have a long history of support of military families.

Hurray! We will definitely be checking this out, maybe tomorrow. Thanks for the head's up


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## MaerynPearl

I know this seems silly but I figure if anyones going to understand it will be the moms here.

I am celebrating a little victory today! DH asked me to take our marriage certificate to the bank... but he has our GPS and I have only lived here a week! Most of which I have spent in our home and not out on the roads. I'm from a tiny town so this bigger city driving is really confusing to me... but I made it there and back without missing a single turn!


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## EdnaMarie

Yay, Maeryn! Are you in NC now?


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## ~Katie~

I went to Border's today and spent about $125 on books for us and the kids







I'm thinking of going back and getting some pregnancy books for my SIL because they just told everyone that they're expecting today







They've been trying for about a year now and finally just decided to let it happen, and what do you know, it did!

We just got back from a week's vacation in Maine visiting family. DH went back to work yesterday and so far so good, though I did enjoy getting to sleep in for the month that he was off. I think when he deploys in 2012 we're going to move to Maine to live in his grandparent's home that's being rented out, they have a tenant moving out the month prior and really want us to move in after their renter leaves. That would mean moving to NY in August and then again in January, so we'll see how it goes. We're still TTC though I'm wavering a lot. My heart really wants another baby but mentally I don't know how prepared I am, particularly to deal with three during the next deployment. I'm sure everybody has these feelings. It's times like these where I wish we had a "normal" life without having to think about moves and deployments and constant upheaval.


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## MaerynPearl

yep, moved down here a week ago today! House is still a mess but man it feels like we have been here so much longer than a week!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I went to Border's today and spent about $125 on books for us and the kids







I'm thinking of going back and getting some pregnancy books for my SIL because they just told everyone that they're expecting today







They've been trying for about a year now and finally just decided to let it happen, and what do you know, it did!

Any books in particular?


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## ~Katie~

Ina May for sure. I'm going to take a look on Amazon and see what's popular lately with natural childbirth and see what I can flip through in the store. I haven't purchased pregnancy books in three years so I'm sure there are some newer things out worth taking a look at. I really like Natural Childbirth The Bradley Way, not so much for the Bradley technique but I do love the explanations and everything that it gives so I may get her that one as well.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
We're still TTC though I'm wavering a lot. My heart really wants another baby but mentally I don't know how prepared I am, particularly to deal with three during the next deployment. I'm sure everybody has these feelings. It's times like these where I wish we had a "normal" life without having to think about moves and deployments and constant upheaval.

Glad you enjoyed your time off. I'm looking forward to mine in about 10 days!









I feel the same about having another baby. I would so love to have one more baby, especially when I see other people's babies. However, I don't know if I could handle 3 LOs with my dh gone as much as he is. I've been trying very hard the last couple of weeks to get it together and refocus on what's important to me. Things have been better for me (but that might just be because I see a light at the end of the tunnel).

For anyone moving to the Camp LeJeune area, there are several houses for sale and a few for rent in my neighborhood, Bay Meadows (look on or near Southbridge Drive). We are about 5 minutes from the main gate, walking distance to a nice park with boat access in one direction and the (one and only) mall in the other. There are a lot of kids and mostly military or retired military. It's in town, Jacksonville, which I prefer. I'm not one for small town/country life. Also, having an older teen (16 when we moved here, 19 now) being close to the mall and community college are good things. He would not have been happy if we moved further out of town. Anyway, just my little plug.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Ina May for sure. I'm going to take a look on Amazon and see what's popular lately with natural childbirth and see what I can flip through in the store. I haven't purchased pregnancy books in three years so I'm sure there are some newer things out worth taking a look at. I really like Natural Childbirth The Bradley Way, not so much for the Bradley technique but I do love the explanations and everything that it gives so I may get her that one as well.

Hypnobirthing is a big one.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Hypnobirthing is a big one.











Im 30 weeks with #3 and LOVING my Hypnobirthing book! Its basically just telling me that I am NORMAL for not being in pain during labor (but rather just pretty darn uncomfortable lol)


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## MommaKitten21

Welcome back, Katie! Glad to hear you enjoyed your vacation. That's awesome about the possibility of renting out your DH's grandparents house. That would be helpful!

I understand about the TTC issues. I am really struggling with giving birth here soon. DH's leave date was changed from the 17th to the 5th... so Monday is goodbye time... speaking of this....

Are we the only couple that spend the days before deployment/training arguing?!?! Oh man. We are never like this. I don't know if it's the stress with the date changes, me being pregnant, or what but it's so frustrating. We have just been down each other's throats. I am hoping this passes, and that today was just one of those days.

I've started crying every night when I lay down and feel him next to me. So, I've began dreading sleep and been averaging 4 hours a night.









Oh well, I am sure this has just been a bad few days... but I just wanted to know if we were the only crazy ones who argue in these circumstances. I just needed to vent... and of course my family doesn't really get it







I feel better all ready now lol.

Oh, and I am definitely planning on hitting up Borders this weekend! Thanks for sharing about that!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Are we the only couple that spend the days before deployment/training arguing?!?!

Nope, that is pretty normal. DH and I are not like that (yet) but I know of MANY couples that are. Theres reasons for it, I do not remember them, but Googles pretty helpful for finding out why and how to help you cope with it a little better.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Are we the only couple that spend the days before deployment/training arguing?!?!

No, not at all. We went through this the first 3-4 times dh was leaving for either deployments or longer training. Not to say that I'm an angel but most of it was caused by my dh. I think there were two main things driving his nasty mood. One was stress about the deployment or whatever. The other was a way to make it easier for him to leave, subconsciously. He would start to detach and distance himself from us days before he left. I felt it and would react to it. The big thing for us was to acknowledge it and talk about it. Once we did that, we stopped fighting. The last 2 times dh has left have been good times.


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## ~adorkable~

just a heads up that hypnobirthing and hypnobabies are two different schools of thought and significantly different training and mindset.

we have been having talks about them in some of the forums. most ladies tend to thing they are that same thing and just mix and match the names. i read up on both and like hynobabies way more for my personal way i see the world, it does seem to be more liked around here from what the threads show. there are certainly those that like both too.


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## MaerynPearl

This has probably been shared here before but *squee* I am SO doing this for Mae when she arrives in August/September.

And DHs cousins little one, her hubby just made Cpl last month

And one of DHs men whos wife is due shortly after me

http://www.marinewives.com/index.php...89/Itemid,348/


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## ~Katie~

, *MK*. I saw your email and have been meaning to get back to you. If there is anything at all that you need please feel free to PM me anytime, even if it's just to vent. I'm sorry that he is leaving early. It's very common to argue before separations. I think it has to do with all that is mentioned above. The thing that helps us most is to acknowledge those feelings but just try to make the best of it as much as we can. I too cried a lot every night right before he left, it was really important to get those emotions out. I'm wishing you as much peace as can be mustered right now. We are here for you.

I'll grab Hypnobirthing for her as well, I figure you can never have too many pregnancy books


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## MommaKitten21

OMG! I love the idea of the birth orders!!!









I am definitely going to make one for DH and send it to him after our little one comes in a few weeks!! That is adorable! Thanks for sharing!!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I'll grab Hypnobirthing for her as well, I figure you can never have too many pregnancy books









I will try to find DHs daddy book too... I forget what it is called but I am AMAZED by it.

It talks bluntly about how sometimes you cant avoid a C-section but if you can, its better for baby. About how breastfeeding is WAY better for baby (but not to blame mommy if something happens and breastfeeding doesn't work out) and how cloth diapers are now as easy to put on as disposables, but much cheaper in the long run.

But yeah, Ill get the name for you if you want... DH loves it (its intelligent, does not talk down at him, but has a lot of humor written in) and I love that its teaching him more about this stuff I'm always rambling about!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
OMG! I love the idea of the birth orders!!!









I am definitely going to make one for DH and send it to him after our little one comes in a few weeks!! That is adorable! Thanks for sharing!!

DH loved it too, shared it with his brother over in Yuma to do for his Marines when they have little ones (he has, I think, two females about to go on maternity leave?)


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## ~Katie~

*MW* - I'm really trying to refocus as well. I do want more children but I'm just not sure if I want to have another one now or wait until later, most likely when my kids are 4 and 6 is when we'll be able to TTC again but there are so many unknowns for that period of time. I think at this point I'm not going to do OPK's or anything to really keep track, I already have an idea of when I ovulate though my cycle has been off lately. Basically not really try but not prevent either, and if I'm not pregnant by the time September rolls around then we're calling it quits.


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## MarineWife

Katie ~ We have a not trying but not preventing thread going in Family Planning if you're interested. I'm not sure if it makes anyone more obsessive or not. I'm always obsessed with whether or not I'm pg (when dh is home). Not everyone is charting or using opks or anything, just not doing anything to prevent a pg. The Whatever Thread

My LOs would be 7 and almost or 4 by the time I could have another. I don't know if things would be easier or harder. On the one hand, my middle ds will be more independent and more helpful (maybe). He's already getting that way. Getting/making his own food and drinks. Waking up and coming downstairs in the morning without crying for me. My youngest is a handful, though. He's very energetic and likes to do crazy things, makes a lot of messes. He's just 3 so I don't know if that will get better or worse in the near future. On the other hand, just the idea of having yet another person that I have to do everything for all the time scares me. At the moment, I don't think I can do it.


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## ~Katie~

MW - I'll check out that thread. with DD I was obsessive about TTC but she came along quickly. DS was a total surprise so she was really my first TTC experience. This time I really don't want to be obsessive or anxious about it because of the 10 million other things going on in life right now, I don't want one more thing to obsess over so if it's meant to be it'll happen. I agree that having two older ones would probably be easier, but at that point I also think we'll be at a different stage in life that may make having a new baby more difficult.They'll both be homeschooling and DH has to decide what to do about his career. There are upsides and downsides to all of it.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
MW - I'll check out that thread. with DD I was obsessive about TTC but she came along quickly. DS was a total surprise so she was really my first TTC experience. This time I really don't want to be obsessive or anxious about it because of the 10 million other things going on in life right now, I don't want one more thing to obsess over so if it's meant to be it'll happen.

If you don't usually obsess over it, joining that thread might cause you to obsess more. If you are an obsesser all the time (like me), it might help you relax a little. Hehe

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I agree that having two older ones would probably be easier, but at that point I also think we'll be at a different stage in life that may make having a new baby more difficult.They'll both be homeschooling and DH has to decide what to do about his career. There are upsides and downsides to all of it.

There's a big part of me that's looking forward to the time when all of my kids are old enough to poo in the toilet, dress themselves, get their own drinks and snacks and don't want to be carried up and down the stairs every.single.time. I go up or down them. I'm also looking forward to the day when they can stay home by themselves for an hour or two while I run an errand. Plus, my house is always a complete mess. No matter how many times a day I wash dishes and sweep and mop the floor, by bedtime it's completely trashed again.

We homeschool but I see that as a plus for having a new baby. No having to get up early regardless of how much sleep I've gotten. No fighting over homework. No classroom obligations. My middle son turns 7 in January so I'll have to register with the state either this year or next. There's some confusion about whether we're supposed to register at the beginning of the school year or at the time your child becomes school-aged. That won't change anything we've been doing except that I have to figure out a way to keep attendance records. When you unschool at home it's pretty obvious that the children would be in attendance every day so it seems silly for me to have to record it.


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## swell_mel

hi ladies. i was hoping i could get some input. dh has brought up joining the army. he's mentioned it a handful of times over the years going back to when we were just dating. i've always been strongly opposed to it. so, he's brought it up again... we have 2 girls- 6 and 4. honestly, i can only think of negatives about him joining- *especially* now that we have children. and in my head if he were to join all of the worst case scenarios would come true.








can i just pick your brains? i don't have any military families to talk to about this irl.
i know one positive for him is money. and my point of view is i'd rather be broke and see him every day. and if he joins our credit score is still going to be terrible. joining is not the answer to our financial stresses. there's the seperation from me and the girls, moving and uprooting our lives- and us not controlling where we live but the army... all of this is hard enough but now that we have 2 girls- one already in school and the other is about to be, it makes it just that much harder for me to even think about not saying no.
i mean this isn't just a changing jobs kind of decision. it's a life changing decision! like i said earlier- i just don't see the upside to him joining. i do see lots of major stresses and traumas we would have added to our lives that we wouldn't have if he just didn't join.
but i am here asking for input because i love the man more than words and want to make sure that i am able to get input from military families who know what it's like and that i really research this instead of just saying NO because it scares the poop out of me and saying no is easier than giving it serious thought.







if he is seriously considering it then i should seriously look into it as well.
so i'm looking for any input. like would you honestly choose the military lifestyle for your family? is your spouse being in the military really worth all the sacrifices? how do you deal with having children and moving around and your spouse being away? tips? advice? anything?? this is a really big issue for me and i'm freaking out just thinking about it.







i really appreciate any input you might have!


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## ~Katie~

Hi Melanie - I think it REALLY depends on your life circumstances. It's not a simple decision at all. There are a lot of things to take into account, particularly if you already have children. There are a lot of sacrifices involved. Do you know if he feels this is more of a personal calling to him, or is it mostly for financial reasons? Has he explored other avenues for career change, like going back to school? Has he spoke with people in the military in-depth about their lifestyle, and not just recruiters? Would he be willing to go back to school and join ROTC to get assistance with college, and then join the Army as an officer? That may be a better route if he's looking for a complete career change but doesn't intend to retire from the Army.

In my personal experience, if several things could have gone differently in life I don't think we would have chosen this route. But they didn't so here we are, and we're making the best of it. We have had to make a lot of sacrifices, but in the end we still have each other. It was different for us because I met my DH while he was in ROTC and Reserves, so we transitioned into it gradually before having a family. That could make a big difference but I have no other personal experience to compare it to.

It's nice knowing my DH has job security, particularly with the way the economy has gone, and it's set him up well for getting a job once he gets out. Moving around often is appealing to me because I like a change of scenery and it gives our kids the opportunity to experience and see many things and places. It's been exceptionally important to have a support system in place for when he's gone and to have activities for all of us to keep busy with. It's hard knowing he has 4 years left because we're ready for the next stage in life but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the end it really needs to be a family decision and I think your opinion does matter, I hope you can both come to a decision that you feel good about


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swell_mel* 
so i'm looking for any input. like would you honestly choose the military lifestyle for your family? is your spouse being in the military really worth all the sacrifices? how do you deal with having children and moving around and your spouse being away? tips? advice? anything?? this is a really big issue for me and i'm freaking out just thinking about it.







i really appreciate any input you might have!









I did choose it. I just married my DH almost 3 weeks ago. I already had a 7 year old boy and a girl that just turned 5 by my exhusband... and am pregnant with DHs first child. I would not trade DH for the world... even with all we have already been through and what it will put us through in the future.

Is him being in the Marines worth living 1100 miles away from my family? Yes. I do not actually see any other sacrifices. And even living so far from my family is not that bad now that technology has given us things like Skype. I mean... DH was deployed most of last year, he proposed on his 2 week R&R from Kuwait before they shipped him off to Iraq... and we got pregnant his first time home after going to Iraq. That was not really a sacrifice to me. Many jobs keep a spouse away for months at a time. At least this one I knew the chances of him cheating on me were WAY less than with so-called business trips! Plus, as I already mentioned... Skype is so awesome for keeping in touch. Even when he didnt have internet in his room, the USO has Skype (they teamed up in November so I believe all USOs now have Skype for the men to use?) Sometimes it was a little harder to get to see him but not touch him... but I just imagine how much harder it was 20 years ago for my mom while my step dad was out on the boat and she rarely even got phone calls!

As for having kids and moving... yes, that's tough. I was hoping my kids could go through the same school system I graduated in because I loved it... but at the same time I have to think... that's a whole lot more places they are going to live in their life that they may never have seen otherwise! I was 12 before I saw an ocean (and that was while my step-dad was stationed in San Diego!) and 26 before I saw the Atlantic Ocean (and that was when I flew out here to NC to surprise DH for his birthday) If it werent for the military, I may never have gone to either coast to know how much I love the ocean.

If it weren't for the military... my life would still be horrible. I mean, yeah its not a financial wizard... but I'm no longer on state medicaid. No longer on foodstamps. And with him joining at the bottom, you would probably still qualify for all of that with two kids (I'm not sure?) but if he really wants to do this and is really motivated... he can rise in rank pretty fast.

My brother just joined the Army... left for basic in June. One awesome thing they are doing now that they didnt before... his basic training platoon is on Facebook! Obviously we cant talk to him, but they take tons of pictures of all the men and women and it makes it a lot easier to be separated! This time last year, one of my best friends husbands went through basic and at the time Facebook was not allowed by the military (a rule they changed only a few months back i think?) so she didnt have that same connection. Its really awesome to be able to be shown that indeed... when he says he is okay, he really is okay!

So that's my pro-military-family rant...

but my background is that obviously my step-dad was Navy. I was Army for a while back pre-9/11. My brother is now Army. I have a lot of friends who are Army, Navy, Marine Corps and Coast Guard. (Oddly none in the Air Force... lol. Just odd.)

So I know its really not all bad, from first, second and third-hand experience. But I also have that huge support system to help me out when things get confusing or stressful (and I wont lie, they will...)

But as I said, with today's technology, the amount of sacrifices you make are much smaller.

As for what I am sure you were alluding to by worst case scenarios... as I have said, I know a LOT of military members. Almost all of them have been deployed at some point or other. My sweetheart DH (seriously most gentle man on earth when he is home) is a combat veteran. Hes been shot at, hes shot back. Its their job. They are trained to do it and trained how to best take care of themselves in that situation to avoid harm... or worse. Yes, some do die or get captured... but so many many many many many more do not. I know a man who recently came home from his 6th time over there. 6! And never once has he even seen fighting! As long as your hubby isn't wanting to go into infantry, the chances he will see actual combat are a lot lower than you may think.

With all of the military I have known to be deployed... I only know of one who has died. And that was not overseas. That was back home, at Thanksgiving. And according to the note he left, it was majorly in part to him not getting the help he needed after being overseas and seeing/doing what he did (but he was doing some real dirty work back at the beginning of the war.)

So I would have to say as for him getting deployed... if he does, just make sure he gets help if he needs it when he gets home!


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## MarineWife

I chose the military lifestyle for me and my 1 child (at the time). I had married my dh about a year before he said he wanted to join the Marines. I knew that was his life's passion. He had always wanted to be a Marine and hadn't done it when he was younger only because his mother had talked (guilted) him out of it because she was afraid.

We talked about it and decided it would be a good thing for our family. I was working full time then but wanted to stay home for the son I had and have more babies. I hate working. I also hated where we were living and was excited at the idea of moving somewhere else. So, I told dh I would support him as long as I didn't have to work and he'd get me the heck out of dodge!









For the most part, it's been worth it. We took a huge income cut. We lost my entire $70,000+ salary and his was cut by about $30,000 but we ended up being better of financially because of all the benefits from the military and moving away from a very high cost of living area.

Things have been getting harder (for me, at least) as the years go by and dh is gone yet again. It's difficult when he's gone for 6 months to a year at a time and the repeated deployments and such are really getting to me. I wouldn't give it up to get back the life we had, though. It's still better.


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## ~Katie~

Definitely agree about Skype, I don't know how we'd get through separations without it. It was so nice for the kids to see their dad and interact with him. I remember the first time Liam ever saw his dad over the computer and didn't realize it was real-time until DH started playing peak-a-boo with him. The joy on that kid's face was priceless. It was so amazing for the kids to have the opportunity to "be" with him even if he wasn't physically around. It certainly makes separations easier.


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## MarineWife

We've never used Skype, specifically, but we have used webcams before. We were only able to communicate that way when he was in Okinawa, though, not ever when he was deployed to a combat zone. My dh was away from the base camp so much and didn't have regular internet access when he was at the base camp so it wasn't an option. How are you guys able to do that during deployments to Iraq and/or Afghanistan?


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## ~Katie~

My DH deployed in May but didn't get access to internet until around Christmas time because their FOB was still being built as they were living there. At that point they could pay for internet in their rooms (it was $80 a month there). He also had internet access at work from his office but didn't always have it for personal use, but we could communicate either through email/messenger/Skype from there when he was allowed to bring his personal laptop.


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## MovingMomma

Don't count on being able to Skype/webcam/etc. Communications capabilities really vary depending on a whole lot of factors!

DH and I married when he had a year left on his first enlistment. We've made the reenlistment decision together every time. We've been planning on doing 20 ever since the first reenlistment, but, like MW says, it's getting harder over the years, not easier. Sure, we know what to expect with deployments and how to handle them, but it's wearing.

You'll need to assess your family's resilience when making your decision. Are you an independent sort, or are you strongly invested in the interdependence of nearby family &/or social network? Etc...

It comes down to 2 things for us. 1) DH feels called to do the work he does. 2) We have a specific goal for what we want to do in retirement that the retirement benefits will help us achieve. If it was just a question of one work option over another, we would have bailed after 8 yrs.


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## MaerynPearl

DH was a POG over there... doing the paperwork and customs to send Marines and soldiers home from Iraq during the big pull out... so he was at Al Asad which is pretty well equipped. He was doing the same in Kuwat at Ali Al Salem airbase... where he actually volunteered at the USO and was helping other guys set up Skype calls to talk with their wives/kids back home. At both bases he was able to get internet in his room, the one in Kuwait was like $30 per month which is cheaper than what I had in Illinois. In Iraq it was based on how much time he wanted, and ran something like $85/90 per month for what he wanted. And that one he had to be sure to only use so much at a time.

I know its not a common thing... BIL was in Afghanistan most of last year and only got to get on Skype twice to talk to his little boy so that was pretty difficult for them.

But the times you do get is better than nothing at all. The first time BILs son saw him after his deployment (he was a bit over 2 years old at hte time) he kept touching his face and yelling DADDY! because he was so amazed to finally touch him again. It was so cute!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
My DH deployed in May but didn't get access to internet until around Christmas time because their FOB was still being built as they were living there. At that point they could pay for internet in their rooms (it was $80 a month there). He also had internet access at work from his office but didn't always have it for personal use, but we could communicate either through email/messenger/Skype from there when he was allowed to bring his personal laptop.

That explains a lot. My dh didn't have a room. I think they were in big tents. I'm not sure if he had to share with just one other guy or with a large group. He's had to do both. He didn't have an office, either, since he was usually patrolling in country. He did have an office and a room that he shared with one other guy when he was in Iraq for his IA but still no webcam access. I think he may have had sporadic personal internet access but I really don't remember.

So, yeah, like Shannon said, internet/email/webcam access is not reliable. Most of the time I communicated with my dh through snail mail or motomail and had to wait for him to write back or call on the rare occasion that he was back at base camp long enough to make a phone call. A lot of times my dh would give up his call time to someone else who had a pressing need to call home. I was lucky if I heard from him every 2 weeks. Sometimes we'd go for a month a more without talking.


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## swell_mel

thank you so much for the quick replies! i really really appreciate it! and thank you for your honesty! lots of food for thought... i'm not as radically opposed to it as i was the other times he has brought it up. i really felt like this time i needed to really think about it before i gave an answer. there are a ton of issues that go with this that i owe it to him to dig through and figure out how i really feel. a lot of it is fear. fear of change. little changes i can handle great but big giant life changing ones not so much. right now the reserves are looking a lot more ideal because the demand on him is less which i like. short periods of seperation i think i could survive but year long deployments i'm not so sure- especially with our girlies. thank you for all the questions you asked me to think about. very very helpful!!


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## swell_mel

okay so i have no army knowledge. do all enlisted army people get deployed for long periods of time? dh is a computer guy and has said that if he were to joint he army he would still want to be an IT guy. anyhoo, are all active army people deployed at some point? i guess my big fear is that he would be gone for a year. that is one of the things that is really holding me back from being cool with him joining the army. i think we could handle shorter periods of time but a year is not something i would want. that would really keep me from being on board with him signing up.


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## Lovemytwogirls

I love our military lifestyle! That being said, as a current recruiters wife, I would first make sure that your husband even qualifies for the military before making any big decisions or getting your mind set on one way or another. Right now I would say about 1 in 3 people are actually disqualified and some months it is about 1 in 2. And sometimes it takes months or even longer to actually be able to even enlist.

We are currently on recruiting duty so my husband could be home for three years and we could start having children. I did not want to be preggo with him deployed or have him leave right after the baby was born. We only have a few months left here though before we go back to a base and he starts to get deployed again. It will be harder now that we have children, but I have made some really great friends and together we all get through it and actually have a lot of fun along the way. I can say that it is a lot easier than what some of my civilian friends have to deal with on a daily basis here. Their husbands work horrible hours or actually have to leave for days every week. There is no end in sight for them. This is their permanent lifestyle because they have to take jobs where they can get them and always have the constant worry of getting laid off. I could not imagine living like that everyday. We have healthcare, housing, constant paycheck. I have the ability to stay home with my girls and know that I don't have to work unless I really wanted to. My girls have college basically paid for if they choose that route. Your husband can go to college, or go back to college. There are so many more benefits to joining as well I could not possibly list them all.

Another reason we love this lifestyle is that we love to travel and experience new things. We never would be able to really experience all of the different cultures and lifestyles of this country if it were not for the military. We have lived on the ocean, in the desert, in the midwest and now we are headed to the south. My children will get to experience all of this with us as well.

Deployments are hard, but they are only temporary. I KNOW that my daughters will have a hard time when their daddy leaves because they are daddy's little girls, but then again, it is just more life lessons for them. When my husband was in Iraq, I still got to talk to him occasionally and when he was by a base we were able to even see each other using the webcam. My grandmother told me we were spoiled because when my Grandfather was in WWII she did not talk to him for over 18months. She received a few letters, but never knew where he was or even remotely what was happening with him. So deployments and not being close to family all of the time are pretty much the only two sacrifices I feel we make being a military family. However, I do have to say that some of my military friends are as much family to me as my blood relatives. When things get hard though I just remind myself that we have it a lot easier than most civilian families, especially nowadays.

With all of that being said, no, this lifestyle is not for everybody. That is why there is a screening process and it is a voluntary decision. So people know what they are getting into and for them to see if it is really what they want for their families. I would also recommend checking with all branches of the military, if your husband does not have a strong preference. Some deploy more and for longer periods of time than others. One may suit your family better than the next.

Sorry if this is a little broken up. My DD keeps talking to me.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swell_mel* 
okay so i have no army knowledge. do all enlisted army people get deployed for long periods of time? dh is a computer guy and has said that if he were to joint he army he would still want to be an IT guy. anyhoo, are all active army people deployed at some point? i guess my big fear is that he would be gone for a year. that is one of the things that is really holding me back from being cool with him joining the army. i think we could handle shorter periods of time but a year is not something i would want. that would really keep me from being on board with him signing up.

Its hard to say. DH is in an MOS that does not deploy, but he himself was called up for individual augment (aka he was deployed, but not doing his MOS but rather some office work that needed done)

So I cannot say that no, it will not happen... the vast majority of IA is volunteer (DHs was not but he would have volunteered for it anyway) and theres no telling what job he would be put as if he were pulled up for one... but if he is not infantry he is a lot less likely to be put in the riskier situations.

I obviously cannot promise you it will not happen... but that job is a lot less likely than some others to be put into harms way.

For example... DHs brother (my BIL I mentioned before) is an MP... when he was sent over there, his job was a lot more dangerous than DHs. DHs biggest daily risk was a papercut (okay well, there were bigger risks but a lot less likely to happen than a papercut!) BIL was out in the Afghanistan area (away from their central base) almost the entire time and while he can not tell us exactly what he did still... I know it was obviously not very safe for him. But all that were deployed with him made it home without a single injury caused by the enemies (there was a broken wrist caused by stupidity though lol)

Two of my good friends husbands are linguists... if the need for them arose, they could be put into some VERY dangerous situations... but its not very likely.

My brothers MOS I do not remember SPECIFICALLY what it was called but it deals with computers and if he is sent over for his MOS he will mostly be on base the entire time.

Now what you probably dont want to hear... Ill go back to why my hubby is a combat veteran... this is his account of what happened that day (if you do not want to read it I do not blame you but its the most honest look at what he went through you can find... no one in his convoy was injured bad, some shrapnel injury but that guy got a purple heart and didn't miss a day of work!)

http://animedevildog.deviantart.com/journal/2192930/ his account of it starts at where he says Around 2130

His job was supply... most days he was on base. Plus, this was in 2004 and near Fallujah which nowadays is nowhere NEAR as bad as it was back then. I do not know how Afghanistan is now... The only reason he was even on this convoy was that they switched his job on him like the day before it happened.

As I said, we send soldiers and Marines over who are trained to handle situations like these in the way that keeps them safest. Yes, some do all they can and are still injured or worse... but the VAST majority of men and women who deploy overseas come home without injury. And still a huge amount come home without ever seeing combat.

My MP BIL never even saw combat in his time over in Afghanistan (the moment you do, you become a combat veteran... which is not a ribbon he has earned yet. As an older brother I think it makes him a bit sore his little brothers earned that and a presidential unit citation!)


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## MommaKitten21

I wont post too much because most things have been said. However, you need to really make sure you are 100% on board with this decision if you and DH go for it. If you are not, you could have resentment issues, and things could get ugly from there every time something happens you don't like or will possibly feel guilty about. (a move, deployment, extended work hours, weekend training in the field, etc etc)

With that said, I am very excited to be a military family (again) DH re-enlisted after being out for years. He leaves on Monday. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and we have an all most 2 year old. DH will be gone for 8-9 months. I know what this means for our family, and I know DH needs to do this for himself. With the economy the way it is, I definitely don't mind the job security that comes with it. Also, I have found the support offered for military families is huge!! The love and support I have received from complete strangers has touched my life in special places and made me feel confident that I can do this! (didn't have kids when he was in before!!)

Oh, and I just wanted to say kudo's to you for not just shooting the choice down and actually doing the research. I am sure no matter what decision you and your DH decide on, he will be thankful you made an effort to figure out what life would be like and if it is right for your family.


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## ~Katie~

New thread for July-August!


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## swell_mel

i wanted to say a big huge THANK YOU to all the responses. You have helped tremendously! it has been extremely helpful hearing your thoughts! i told dh we had to wait until tuesday to talk about it again because i'm due to start af monday and the few days before i am sooo emotional so we should wait until i return to normal hormone levels.


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## MarineWife

Mae ~ Aren't both your dh and your BIL Marines? If so, their experience may be quite different from the Army. I think the two branches do things differently. For example, most regular Marine deployments are about 6-7 months long and they deploy regularly even in times of peace whereas most soldiers don't deploy during times of peace and the regular deployment time during this war for soldiers has been 12-15 months. Army guys, please correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't think there's any MOS that's really, truly non-deployable. If they need you, they'll send you. There are some MOSes that are more deployable than others and more dangerous when deployed. They certainly do need computer guys over there but there's no guarantee that he'd get a computer MOS, anyway.

The main thing you have to keep in mind is that once you join the military you are their property. You have to do what they say no matter what (pretty much). The military machine does not care if you are having family issues or something big coming up. If they need you for something, they will take you and send you wherever they want. Personal and family hardships don't really matter. You can have orders in hand to go here and a week before you are supposed to move you are told you're going to the other side of the world. The ADM may have to work from 5 am to 9 pm every day so, even when s/he is home, s/he isn't really there. The ADM may be home as in not deployed but still have to go away for a month for training, then be home for a week, then go somewhere else for 2 weeks. Then home again for a few days or weeks then gone again for a few days or weeks.

And, btw, home doesn't mean at your house. It means in the continental United States. So, for example, if the ADM is supposed to have at least as much time home as deployed (say 6 months) and once s/he gets home, s/he has to go to another state for months for training, that counts as being home so you might only get 1-2 months with your spouse. That's been my recent experience. My dh was deployed for 6-7 months. He was home for almost exactly a month then had to go to another state for 6 months. When he gets back from that he checks in with a new unit and we have no idea what their schedule is. He may have to leave again right away or he may get 2 years at home. We just don't know. Nothing is ever guaranteed.

I'm not saying that to be harsh toward the military. I'm saying it to make sure it's understood. One thing that really annoys me is when I hear a military spouse complaining constantly about his/her spouse having to deploy after being told it wouldn't happen or having to leave sooner than expected or having the deployment extended or just being gone a lot. It sucks sometimes and sometimes you need someone to vent/rant to but that's not the same as whining and complaining. KWIM? That's the type of thing you should expect if you are going to join the military. If you can't handle that neither you nor your spouse will really have any choice in where you go and what you do, then you shouldn't join.

So, yeah, basically what Mommakitten said. You can't possibly predict everything that you will experience or feel but you have to make sure that you are committed to it because you can't change your mind once it's done.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Mae ~ Aren't both your dh and your BIL Marines? If so, their experience may be quite different from the Army. I think the two branches do things differently. For example, most regular Marine deployments are about 6-7 months long and they deploy regularly even in times of peace whereas most soldiers don't deploy during times of peace and the regular deployment time during this war for soldiers has been 12-15 months. Army guys, please correct me if I'm wrong.

I guess DH and BIL are not regular Marines then... DHs last deployment was meant to be 14 months but was knocked down to 10 as they finished their job ahead of schedule.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
I guess DH and BIL are not regular Marines then... DHs last deployment was meant to be 14 months but was knocked down to 10 as they finished their job ahead of schedule.

Was that the IA? IAs are usually at least 12 months. My dh had to do an IA and it was about 12-14 months total. His first deployment was supposed to be 6 months but ended up being 10. Then he had a 6-7 month deployment. (I always add an extra few weeks onto the beginning and end to account for travel, which isn't always considered part of the deployment.) Then he had his IA. He was CONUS for about 15 months but not home for much of that time as he was doing workups for his next deployment. Then he deployed for another 7+ months. He's CONUS now but, again, not home since he's been in OK for 6 months.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Was that the IA? IAs are usually at least 12 months. My dh had to do an IA and it was about 12-14 months total. His first deployment was supposed to be 6 months but ended up being 10. Then he had a 6-7 month deployment. (I always add an extra few weeks onto the beginning and end to account for travel, which isn't always considered part of the deployment.) Then he had his IA. He was CONUS for about 15 months but not home for much of that time as he was doing workups for his next deployment. Then he deployed for another 7+ months. He's CONUS now but, again, not home since he's been in OK for 6 months.

All hes done are IAs... (I have no clue why TBH... and I think Ive bugged him asking all of these questions last night lol)


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
All hes done are IAs... (I have no clue why TBH... and I think Ive bugged him asking all of these questions last night lol)

That's why his deployments have been longer, then. That's normal for an IA. The regular Marine deployments, whether on a MEU or to Okinawa or to a combat zone, are supposed to be only 6 months. We all know they can be extended, though.

I think the difference between Army and Marine right now is that soldiers deploy for longer but less frequently while Marines deployments are shorter but more frequent. I believe it's supposed to be equal time deployed and home so soldiers who are deployed 12-15 months regularly are supposed to be home for at least 12-15 months before being deployed again. Since Marines are supposed to be deployed for only 6 months, they only get 6 months home before being deployable again. That, of course, isn't a hard and fast rule, either. If you're needed, you get sent.


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## MaerynPearl

According to DH "how it works for Marines is 2 months dwell time in the states for every 1 month deployed"... of course they can call you back sooner, but that is their ideal. We are really hoping they let DH stick around longer than that though!


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## MarineWife

I'll have to ask my dh about that because the last he told me was equal time.

I thought about something with the nondeployable MOSes and units. Maybe it's something like the MOS and/or unit is nondeployable but the individuals in those MOSes and units are deployable, as in they can get picked for IAs like your dh was. Either way, I think deployment at some point should be expected during war time. KWIM?


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'll have to ask my dh about that because the last he told me was equal time.

I thought about something with the nondeployable MOSes and units. Maybe it's something like the MOS and/or unit is nondeployable but the individuals in those MOSes and units are deployable, as in they can get picked for IAs like your dh was. Either way, I think deployment at some point should be expected during war time. KWIM?

totally agree there... and yes, DHs unit he is with right now is nondeployable (they have no use for them in the desert as he works with amphibious assault vehicles) however he, very much, is deployable.


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## Sarah W

: You can be in a non-deployable unit and still deploy. That is what happened to me. I came down on IA orders and deployed by myself.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 







: You can be in a non-deployable unit and still deploy. That is what happened to me. I came down on IA orders and deployed by myself.

Is that Army? I'm wondering because she asked specifically about the Army and I only have experience with the Marines.


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