# we got an answer



## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

it turns out that they (hospital) new the reason for our dd still birth ever since the day i lost her.
the dr was supposed to go over the results of the exam with me...but b/c he was a (looking for a was to way horrible unprofessional hitler type) he did not.
i do not know if any of you remember, but long stoyr short
normal homebirth with no problems
baby born still
midwife called 911
we all get taken to hospital in seperate ambulances
dr finally comes in my room and begins to yell (no kidding) at me nad my dh for having a homebirth and accuses us of killing our baby and threatens to open a DFC's case against us (dept of family and children servcies) for neglect and to get our 3 yr old taken from us as well

well i guess after he yelled at us he did the exam of the baby and when he realized how/why/when she died and that it was absolutely unpreventable under any dr's care in the world...that he would have no real case of neglect/infant homocide against and was so embarassed (?) that he never came back into the room to tell us any thing.

so for 5 weeks now i have been thinking that no one knows why she died and i will never have any answers

until yesterday
it is the hospitals routine to call mothers of still borns abotu 5 weeks post pardum to check on them and see if they need connected with any counselign service st.
so the bereivment (not a spelling anything right i know) specialist (who has also been a NIC nurse for 20+ yrs)
calls us and begins talking to me about my feelings
and when i told her that the hardest thing for me is not knowing why she died and if i should ever try to get preg again b/c of that
and she is like
"wait a minute, no one ever gave you a cause of death? it is all written right here."

and she proceeds to read and explain the med reports on rain's body and my placenta

for us it was an easy diagnoses:
rain died b/c of an infection in my placenta
there is no tests done for it (none exsist yet)
there are no symptoms
you get it and it takes just a few days to kill the baby
no one know why some women have this happen, they can not conenct it to life style choice, diet, genetics, anything
it is hard to do research on it b/c of poor hospital proceedures with teh timing of testing placentas (if you have the biopsy of the placenta material tested within 4 hrs of birth then it give mroe clues about the nature of the infection, unfortuanly mos thospitals are so poorly ran, that it takes them at least 25 hrs to test teh placenta....their heads are too far away from their hands, so to speak..even tho i birthed my placenta in the hospital into a special collection pan, and they wisked it away before i could even take a good look at it myself...it sat in a frridge somewhere before the next dept took it to the next dept and so till it finally gets processed and tested...24 hrs or so latter)

but what they do know is that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT
even if i had gone to a traditional obgyn and had a hospital birth under careful survailence, no one would have been able to "save" my baby
therefore i did not kill her.
i know that all of us who loose babies at some point feel guilty about "did i do something to make this happen etc"
however, in my case i actually had a dr yell at me that i DID kill my baby thru my own ignorant (yet purposeful) negligence of choosing midwifery care and home birth.
and the other good news is that this will probably NEVER happen to me again.
it is a random rare thing that since it already happned to me, i pretty much never have to worry about having it happen again.

and it is not connected to my other losses
1 routine normal m/c at abotu 12 weeks 2000
1 hydrocepholys baby (water instead of brain in the skull) that was diagnosed during a routine US at about 20 weeks....he was supposed to live until birth and then die....i opted to try herbal abortives and then schedule an induction at 24 weeks if they did not work, they did work and i had him at home at abotu 23 weeks that was 2001
1 dd that is 3 yr old and very heatlhy and wodnerful
and now
1 still born due to placental infection born at 41 weeks

the nurse said it was unfortuante taht i had those losses, but they are all random isolated exp that will probably never happen again.

the sad part was that she was healthy and strong and perfect and then she died.
did she feel any pain?

but this makes me feel like maybe some day i will get to have another storng perfect healthy baby who lives.

anyway

i had to share this new update to my story with youall

and tongiht i get to go to my first support group for parents of still borns...and altho my dh is saying he will go but that he "does not want to share his feelings with other dads and he does not need to hear their feelings either" i think it will be very useful fo rour healing
certainly mine.

love and hugs to all your empty arms
and thanks for listening.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)




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## Mama8 (Mar 6, 2006)

I am so very sorry that your baby was born still. I am sorry that you have had such a hard road to travel made unimaginably worse by a man who has the nerve to call himself a doctor. May you at sometime find a measure of peace.

OMG! What a horrible man! I can not believe he would deliberately put you through all the feelings of blaming yourself just to protect himself. How dare he yell at you when you had just lost a child! I am so very very angry about this.

I hope that finding out the truth gives you some comfort. If you need to talk please feel free to PM me. My son died when he was 4 months 1 week old.
I also had a twin daughter die in utero.
Many hugs to you and your family.


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## damyen's mommy (May 5, 2005)

to you momma. I hope this brings peace to you and your family. That Dr. had no right in yelling at you and your family at a horrible time like that. I hope this taught the man some humility.


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## KMK_Mama (Jan 29, 2006)

: You have more strength than I. I know I would not cope at all. I am so sorry for your losses. I am glad you found out what happened and may you find the strength to move forward.....


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Your hospital experience sounded horrible. Hugs again and I hope you find some peace.


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## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

, mama. I wish you peace.


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## CrunchyMamaOf3 (Apr 7, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss Mama :-( It's good to have some answers though.
Be strong,


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

How truly terrible of that doc!

I hope you are able to be back at home now (I remember you saying you were staying away to heal and because of worry about the DCFS possiblilty).

Wishing you peace and a clear mind for recovery.


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## khaoskat (May 11, 2006)

I am so glad you have found something out that will give you some peace of mind.

I am still waiting for the official autopsy results on Isabella, and now waiting to get my medical records.

We will, if we can find someone to take our two children, goto a local support group. It is not for stillborn only though, but all pregnancy loss.

Hope you enjoyed your support group meeting, well, not enjoyed, but found it helpful and usefull.

Melissa S.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

I am sorry for the way you were treated, moma justice.







s But, I'm glad that you have a reason as to why Rain was stilllborn. Wishing you much peace and love.







s


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

thanks mommas
turns out we were the only ones who showed up tonight at the support group meeting, but htat was good it was just me and dh and the counsler and the chaplin and it was all about us and our grief.

it was VERY hard to drive up to the hospital (past the funeral home where she was cremated) and walk in there
i left there so broken 5 weeks ago and came back tonight so much stronger than i have ever been in my whole life.


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## khaoskat (May 11, 2006)

Moma Justice:

Just wanted you to know, you are not the only one who has gotten yelled at by providers and/or their staff. I got yelled at numerous times through this pregnancy, because trying to work around my schedule for work (I am an attorney) didn't always fit into what they had open.

I got yelled at several times, because I was running late (even though they were behind schedule as it was). Or because something would happen, and I would have to call and reschedule.


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## crayon (Aug 24, 2002)

I am sorry for your loss of your baby- and sorry for the jerk doctor that was so mean to you and your husband. I would report him to the hospital- there is no reason for them to yell at your and then scare you with taking your other child. They tried to do this crap to me when I had Rainey- they said because I didn't want to vax her they would get a court order and take her away from me and then I would have to fight the courts back to get her. It was beyond scary- so I understand that fear- and I would not wish that on anyone. I am sorry....

I am glad you go answers, I am sorry you have had so many isolated losses- I hope the future is better and more peacful for you.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)




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## StacieM (Oct 13, 2006)

OMG - I can't believe that doctor. If I were you I'd file some kind of something against him. That's just terrible.

I'm so glad you found out that this is absolutely in no way your fault.

I also really hope your DH gets something out of the support group. I do think it will help if he lets it.

Wishing you the best.


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## cjanelles (Oct 22, 2005)

Wow...I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...and the horrible way you were treated.

Have you considered writing a letter to the Chief MD at the hospital or filing a formal complaint against the doctor who you had such horrible dealings with?


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

i have such mixed feelings about confronting/reporting that dr
in a wayi DO want him to know how wrong, cruel, and unprofessional he was...and how much it hurt me and how he should never treat a greiving mother and father liekt hat ever again

however it was while he was yelling at us that i had this heavy revelation about what this whole exp was going to mean to me...for my personal growth as spiritual being on a holy path.

i chose to use the power of love to overcome his anger adn threats....i was able to "talk him down from the ledge" by using the energy of universal love....
he left the room and never came back and the energy that i have tapped into harnessed continued to grow until all the nurses and staff began treating me in a very humane, loving, and gentle way...
but it was me who had to put that out there first.

it is hard to explain....i guess what i mean is that i can not feel angry at him. b/c he too came with a gift of growth for me, just like i can't be angry with Rain or god....or myself.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

I'm glad you got an answer!

You asked if the baby felt any pain. From my understanding, placental problems kill fetuses by oxygen deprivation. I have experienced oxygen deprivation before; obviously it lasted a very short time and I survived, but I had no pain. Only disorientation. So I think it is likely that the baby did not feel pain.


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## EdenicMomma (Dec 10, 2004)

That story tugs at my heart so bad. I'm so glad you received an answer though. I have no answers for myself and its hard. I declined an autopsy as I didnt care to know at the time of her birth. My husband didnt wnat it done also, because he knew I would try to find someway to blame myself. but I did anyways...I'm still not sure how I would feel if I knew anyways...but some closure might be nice..maybe not specifically...but it bugs me not knowing if she was sick all along or if it was something taht happened suddenly. My pregnancy was so great and I never felt a struggle, her 19 weeks ultrasound looked great, I have it on video and then she was gone at 25 weeks...I hope it was peaceful either way for all our babies.

I am so sorry for your losses. I hope mine are all random like yours. I hope I am not continually putting babies at risk. I have two healthy babies but this might be my 3rd loss now. Mine seem random so far too...here's hoping.

(((HUGS MAMA)))


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