# Seriously...how are your vaginas?



## IHeartO (Nov 16, 2008)

Okay. I have great girlfriends and we pretty much let it all hang out in our discussions about birth and beyond, but there is one thing that I am not sure we are honest about and that is our vaginas (vulvas, perineums). I recently gave birth for the first time (4 months ago), and after hearing everyone say that they were "back to normal" regardless of their birth stories.

I, unfortunately, ended up with an epiosiotomy - my midwife stated that she was avoiding what looked like it might be a 3 degree tear - that and my son's heartrate was low and slow to recover in between the last contractions and there was meconium etc. In any case, I just don't feel "back to normal" and I'm pretty sure I won't. I think maybe I have had unrealistic expectations of what "normal" would be after birth. Should I have expected to heal completely or is it just "normal" that your vagina (vulva or perineum) will never be the same again - after all I did just push out a baby!!

Any thoughts and honest opinions are appreciated.


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## NokomisThree (Jun 26, 2008)

I agree that most of the discussions on this seem to be a bit candy coated. My stuff is NOT back to normal-First baby 7 months ago. And for me it wasn't even the small tear. It almost like my vagina was a puzzle and it was put back together with one extra piece. I had the flashy golf ball hangin out for a couple months, I still sometimes feel a tiny bit of pee squirt out when i sneeze, my clitoris seems smaller, the list goes on and on.
Now, the problem with talking about this, especially among women who had C-sections, is that they tend to point to these issues as justification for C's.







:
I will tell you that at about 4 months, I felt the worst. That was when it was the worst and it's been getting better since. I'm hoping that about the same time I've lost all the baby weight, all of me will be back to "normal."


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

My baby was literally stuck in my vagina for 2 hours. We eventually had a failed forceps (pulled 3 times) and then a c-section. For 6 months, when having sex or using a tampon I could feel exactly where she had been. There was a circle of pain, iritated area 3/4 the way in my vagina.


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## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

My vagina is better than ever. Honestly! Intercourse used to be painful occasionally, but now I've loosened up, and everything is much nicer. So for me childbirth really helped.

I did have an episiotomy, and it healed up well after a few weeks.


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## milkmamamerina (Sep 29, 2008)

with my 1st I had what I refer to as a blow out. My midwife couldn't even tell me how many stitches. She just said "a lot". 6 months out I still was in too much pain to have sex. It felt like I was smaller somehow. So my midwife referred me to a physical therapist specialist who worked at stretching the tissue that was tightened due to scar tissue. I took about 2 months of weekly visits and I was "back in business" so to speak.







and yet things were still different. My clitoris was hard to find, and there was definitely a bit of a stretched out look and feel to things. Add nursing hormones to that and sex was not really that great, at least for me.

Now with baby #2 I only had an episiotomy instead of being ripped to shreds like before. Despite pushing the 10 lbs bundle of joy though my hoohah, I'm relatively the same as prior to my pregnancy with her.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I had a first degree tear and everything seemed to go back to normal once it was healed.


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## NokomisThree (Jun 26, 2008)

Just wondering...could this be age-related at all? I'm 37 with first babe and it's taking a while to heal even though I only had a small 1st degree tear and baby practically shot out of me.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

It has been 2.5 years since my last of three vaginal deliveries and my vagina is fine. Had an episiotomy with my first and a couple of stiches with a tear with my second.

Honestly, I felt more sensitivity there after vaginal childbirth than I ever did before. In a very good way, I mean


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NokomisThree* 
Just wondering...could this be age-related at all? I'm 37 with first babe and it's taking a while to heal even though I only had a small 1st degree tear and baby practically shot out of me.

Could be, I was 26 when my son was born.


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IHeartO* 
Okay. I have great girlfriends and we pretty much let it all hang out in our discussions about birth and beyond, but there is one thing that I am not sure we are honest about and that is our vaginas (vulvas, perineums). I recently gave birth for the first time (4 months ago), and after hearing everyone say that they were "back to normal" regardless of their birth stories.

I think cosmetically things will be different for most women. In terms of function sexually I think there can still be a ways to go even 4 months after birth. Do you do any kegel exercises? For me that seems to be what gets things back on track after birth.

And, I DTD only a couple of weeks after my second (no tears with the last two births), and there was a definite difference in terms of muscle strength and tightness at that point...but things 'got back to normal' after I had used my kegel exerciser.

Honestly, here in a lot of respects here it is better with regards to sex. Since my 'hymen was blown' (maybe that's the term I'll use) I don't seem to get the same irritation during intercouse that I used to when it was prolonged.

In terms of orgasm, etc. things are as good as they ever were, if not better actually. I can't tell how much of that is the birth or the fact that I'm probably around the stereotypical sexual peak for women. LOL

I've actually had more complaints from women who had sensations of being 'too tight'...claiming that their OB used a 'husband stitch' or that overly agressive suturing left them with so much scar tissue. I don't know if it is why I've been OK, but when it came to my first birth where I had a first degree tear stitched I believe that the mw was rather conservative with how she stitched it. I don't seem to have much scar tissue at all there.

It does seem like most women who have an episiotomy have much more difficulty down there with pain as well. My good friend had one with her first, and it was over a year before she felt Ok about intercourse again. My mom apparently had one with all her kids. As did my SIL. Their experiences healing and with pain/intercourse sound rather horrible in comparison to the majority of moms I know who birth naturally and only rarely or occasionally have stitches for minor tearing.

As for someone who commented about c-section mom's using it as justification...well, I've met c-section moms who have had a lot of pain with intercourse after their section...for months. They too can develop scar tissue. Some women can also have pain that lasts permanently, and intercourse sensations do change for them as well. I've known a couple who have said they were amazed at how much pain they had afterwards. Again--it's a matter of scar tissue. Exterior vaginal and perineal scar tissue is a lot *easier* to treat than internal scar tissue.

I really think all of this is so variable.


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

At 27 and after 3 children, 3 second degree tears, I can honestly say am a ruddy mess down there. To make it worse, I now have a prolapse.

Not long after DH and I got together I developed vestibulitis, sex was a nightmare, very painful, first birth reduced the symptoms but the birth was traumatic (mentally, it still affects sex) and my tear wasn't sewn properly, so sex was again difficult. After second birth, my previous crap repair was dealt with but sex was still an issue to the mental aspect of first birth. I was feeling great after most recent birth, but the discovery of the prolapse and seeing my perineum in such a state has made me wonder whether I will ever have enjoyable sex or ever feel comfortable about myself.

I feel like a wreck. Part of the problem is my health problem which can cause tissue fragility and that together with pregnancy has pretty much ruined my body. If I had been diagnosed pre-children, I wouldn't have had any, not for vanity issues but the physical problems it has caused.


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## Haselnuss (Sep 20, 2008)

3 vaginal births, the last one 4 years ago - I honestly think mine is back to normal, although I guess it's possible I don't remember what "normal" was. I had no tears, though, and have done tons of kegels, so that may explain it. Things look a bit different, but feel the same.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

With both babies, it seemed to snap back to normal within 6 weeks. Sometimes it actually feels tighter during intercourse. Who knew? I only had minimal tearing with DD ( 3 stitches?) and no tears with DS.


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## IHeartO (Nov 16, 2008)

well if nothing else I find this discussion refreshing! I am curious to know what the "flashy golf ball" is referring to as I think that might be what I am experiencing...and I love that someone else uses the word "hoohah"







. I think the reason I like the responses so far is the acknowledgement that things can look different, but feel the same - largely this is how I feel about my situation. My episiotomy site isn't perfect, but for the most part feels okay. I have been doing lots of kegels and generally feel like I could bench press a few reps with my vagina, it just looks and feels different on the outside - a bit more exposed you might say. My husband claims it feels fine to him and although I have asked him to be really honest, I still suspect he is only going to say that! As to the age related question, I suspect so as well - my midwife was always talking about 20-something vaginas compared to 30-something vaginas - mine is also of the latter!


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

I've only had one vaginal birth with no tears and honestly it feels about the same as before and only looks slightly different. As someone said previously..a bit more exposed would be a good way to describe it but nothing I don't mind. I think it really depends on how traumatic the birth was on that region....and men won't be all that concerned as long as it's functional and they're getting some attention







lol


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## diamond lil (Oct 6, 2003)

My vagina and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Seriously.

We used to have a really good relationship. We used to spend quality time together. We took long walks on the beach and had some really fun times together.

*Sigh* Those were the days...

Since the natural birth of my DD three months ago and the subsequent 2nd degree tear and resulting scar tissue, my vagina has shut me out. And my husband, too.

We've tried to normalize relations, but it's been difficult. There are good days and bad days.

I haven't given up on her. We're just taking it one day at a time.

ETA: Are there spas for vaginas? I'd like to buy my vagina a spa day for Christmas.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

What a timely thread! DH and I just DTD!







:














:

It's been 23 days since my vaginal delivery. I had a 3rd degree tear and needed the sphincter re-done. Oooh that sounds weird lol.

Anyways, I can say that it wasn't painful at all. Didn't need lube. The only thing I noticed....TMI....my labia were stinging a bit, much like rug burn or chafing. I guess they need a bit more time to heal. My perineum/tear area didn't cause any problems at all. And IMO DTD was even better than pre-pregnancy!







: It's as if I was more "in tune" with things down there and had more sensation.

There's also something of a turn on when you're trying to mess around quietly while the babe is asleep lol.


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## mama2annabelle (Dec 29, 2002)

I think some people need more time to heal than they expect. I didn't feel "normal" after my first baby until about 9 or 10 months post partum. And DD was a tiny 6 lb baby, no tears or episiotomy. But still it took that long period of time for me to feel like I had fully healed. I healed quicker with both of my boys, but it still took to about the 6 month mark for me to feel back to how I was prepregnancy.


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## IHeartO (Nov 16, 2008)

OMG - Lori, if you find a spa for your vagina please let me know - I'm laughing mine off right now!


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diamond lil* 
My vagina and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Seriously.

We used to have a really good relationship. We used to spend quality time together. We took long walks on the beach and had some really fun times together.

*Sigh* Those were the days...

Since the natural birth of my DD three months ago and the subsequent 2nd degree tear and resulting scar tissue, my vagina has shut me out. And my husband, too.

We've tried to normalize relations, but it's been difficult. There are good days and bad days.

I haven't given up on her. We're just taking it one day at a time.

ETA: Are there spas for vaginas? I'd like to buy my vagina a spa day for Christmas.











Oh my, this is exactly how I feel.

I had a fourth degree tear with my first and it required extensive repair, many MANY sutures, packing, at seven months post partum I was back at the midwives trying to figure out what was wrong down there.

I'm afraid she's broken for life. I've seen several specialists, including naturopaths and that route, but I have a lot of scar tissue, and things were definitely put back together 'puzzle like' as a pp described.

My poor vagina.


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

I'm 25 and had two babies. The first was a stuck baby with a nuchal hand, prolonged pushing. Resulted in a skidmark tear. Second baby, quick pushing, no tearing. With both we resumed DTD around... 3 weeks PP? Whenever the lochia stopped. For about a month with each it was so, so painful, I gritted my teeth through it all. But we kept on and soon it wasn't an issue. The only difference I noticed is that my outer labia are a bit loose, and I seem "shorter" which IS a bit problematic, but only in some positions.

The Sahara desert dryness is annoying though.


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

I had a 1st degree tear. Really small. MW put 2 stitches in there, but said normally she wouldn't have stitched such a small tear - but it wouldn't stop bleeding. I pushed for about 40 min, so DS wasn't stuck there a while or anything. I'm 31 years old.

But DTD 10 weeks PP hurt- well, oral hurt, so we didn't move on. I apparently had a "skid mark" below my urethra. As another poster wrote, it felt like a "rug burn" - like an abrasion. Painful to have anything touch it.

Then I read that BFing can actually SLOW the healing process.








Um, yeah, that's not a very smart evolutionary outcome.









Now, at 4.5 mos PP, I'm trying not to think about it. I can take care of DH's needs without my vagina, so I'm going to wait until 6 mos before giving it a try again. Cuz I'd rather wait before trying & not worry about it for now - then try again & deal with the disappointment of feeling "rug burned" below my urethra. It's too hard to try to stimulate my clit & vagina without coming into contact at all with that skid mark spot.

Forgot to mention, I too feel like my vagina looks more "exposed" - used to be that you couldn't see the inside vaginal walls, but now they're visible. We did also DTD one other time & I felt tighter. We had expected dryness as a result of BFing, so we didn't even try without lube.


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## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

My vagina is much better than before.







I had a 2nd degree tear at my DS's birth around 18 months ago.

It is one of those things that is different for every woman and different for every birth.


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## Mrsboyko (Nov 13, 2007)

I had a c-section after 24 hours of labor, 3 attepmted forceps placements and attempted vaccume extraction. I truly felt like I had given birth 2 ways. I was no where near normal till 6-8 months out. The first time we DTD (8-10 weeks maybe) it felt like my cervix was too close to the outside and was being hit in a really bad spot. I had to make him stop and we didn't try again for another month.

Around the time when either my cervix moved back up or I tightened back up (like 6 months, when we could DTD again.) all of a sudden my labia began to shrink. I swear the outer labia disapeared. By about 12 months i had only a little majora in the front, nothing in the middle and even the minora was shrinking. Kinda disturbing and NOT something I have ever heard of happening. It pretty much stayed gone till Igot pregnant again. Now it is swelling and I have a fat vagina again. I wonder what will happen after this one?

Oh, anf FWIW, once the pain was gone, sex was better. I could never orgasm before with sex, but after birth I managed a few and boy was that fun.


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## AugustLia23 (Mar 18, 2004)

Mine is great!! With my most recent baby, I didn't tear at all, and we resumed penetrating sex at 2-3 weeks pp, and it was lovely. I do think I look a bit different now, but not nearly a huge gaping hole, just a bit more accomodating







Also, I don't feel like I'm all stretched out or anything, I feel perfectly satisfied by a normal "average" size penis, whatever that is. Friends of mine have stated that after birth they don't feel as satisfied by the size penis that had previously been good for them, that isn't the case for me. And I have taken good care to make sure that I keep my perineal and vaginal muscles toned.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

I only skimmed the answers. Seems like we run the gamut of experiences here.

Here's my totally honest, non-sugar-coated answer. I tore I think pretty bad with DD. Nobody told me what "degree" but I think 3rd degree, but maybe it was just a bad 2nd degree tear. I homebirthed but went to the ER afterwards to have an OB stitch me up. It took FOREVER, like he put 200 stitches in me (can't be, but gosh, it seemed like it).

DTD was very, very, very painful for 1 year.

Then it was better than ever. The tear healed, and DTD felt better since I wasn't as tight as before. It's not that I would want to go through that again but I'm happy with the ultimate results


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Mine is pretty awful. I'm scared to do too much manual exploring and there's no way I'm ready to look yet. I also have weird pressure inside that could swollen tissue or could be something else. And the hemorrhoids are brutal. I had a small perineal tear that required a few stitches but nothing too bad. I feel like a huge wimp after reading some of your stories!

But I'm only just over 2 weeks postpartum. Hoping things will get better soon--being sore like this is really draining and frustrating.


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

I don't think mine will ever be 'right' again.
I had a huge medio-lateral episiotomy (the scar is 3 inches long, so practically the entire length of my vagina) and high forceps delivery. At 10.5 months PP we still have not DTD successfully, though the pain is only one of the reasons for that. My birth was very traumatic and I'm pretty sure that the procedures done were not necessary at all, but simply done to punish me for having attempted a homebirth.
My whole pelvic area, not just the vagina, aches when I walk or stand a lot - I think that's the result of the forceps. I'm also pretty sure I was stitched up too tight at the opening - it just doesn't feel anything like it used to.
As a PP said, my vagina and I are not on speaking terms any more. I don't touch or look at it - putting anything in there, even a tampon hurts a lot, and triggers flashbacks.
Poor vagina - I'll send her to a spa too...


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## MyBoysBlue (Apr 27, 2007)

Birth has improved my vagina. Before my first son was born I used to be sore after sex all the time. I didn't have stitches for either birth so I think I just got streatched out enough to improve my sex life.


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## rachelsmama (Jun 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phatchristy* 

As for someone who commented about c-section mom's using it as justification...well, I've met c-section moms who have had a lot of pain with intercourse after their section...for months. They too can develop scar tissue. Some women can also have pain that lasts permanently, and intercourse sensations do change for them as well. I've known a couple who have said they were amazed at how much pain they had afterwards. Again--it's a matter of scar tissue. Exterior vaginal and perineal scar tissue is a lot *easier* to treat than internal scar tissue.


I've had a c-section and I've had a vaginal birth with a 2nd degree tear, and my sex life recovered from the tear a lot faster than it recovered from the section. Things are a little different down there than they used to be, but not bad different, just older and wiser different.


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## Smylingeyz (Dec 2, 2007)

Wow. I'm 22, had my DD 8 months ago. When I was pregnant, sex felt amazing, and my orgasms were unbelievable. I had a pretty good birth experience - an hour of pushing and two tiny nicks that didn't even need stitches. However, my recovery was long, we DTD at 3 weeks and it hurt like hell. DTD again at 6 weeks and it still hurt like I had just given birth. I thought my vagina would never go back to normal, my perineum looked like a mushy golf ball for a long time, and it took about 5 months of diligent kegels before I could even feel the muscles down there again. The pain during intercourse started going away at about 6 months, and now it doesn't really hurt unless I try a position that puts alot of pressure on my perineum. It still feels a little tender and my kegels aren't as toned as they were, but I am hoping that they will get better with more exercise. The main thing that bums me out is remembering how amazing pregnant sex was for me, and no matter how hard we try it doesn't feel nearly as good when I'm not pregnant. I have to wait a few years before conceiving again, and as much as I love being thin for now, part of me can't wait for pregnant sex again.







:


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## barefootpoetry (Jul 19, 2007)

My vagina is fine, thanks for asking.









I had a little tear that healed very well. I also had a lot of bruising and couldn't even stand anything touching it for a while, but that's all gone now. We had our first PP sex about 7-8 weeks after the birth, and I could tell I was a little "roomy" in there, but it didn't hurt or anything. I am trying to remember to do Kegels to tighten it back up a bit.


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## IHeartO (Nov 16, 2008)

I find ALL of these responses so positive - even for those ladies who may still not be on speaking terms with their vaginas, at least we are all still maintaining our senses of humour about it! DTD aside, what I want from my vagina is just knowing that it is okay -kind of like when people say they wear lingerie to make themselves feel sexier - not sure if this analogy works (partly as I don't own any lingerie!) - but I suppose I wanted to ask this question as a means to be okay with my va-j - sex or no sex - just knowing it is the best it can be PP! I like the idea of it being "older and wiser" - well said!!


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

i had an episi. during my dd's birth, and it took about 10 months before sex was too painful to attempt, and 2 years before intercourse felt pleasurable. i'm 6 and a half yrs out now, and it feels almost normal, but not like it was. certain positions that put pressure on my perinium get uncomfortable and then painful after a minute.

im sorry this was done to you, mama. and to you lisa, and to any other epi. mama i missed-skimming. when i hear/read about docs minimizing this procedure i get livid. it's so not a tiny thing.

im still very upset about it. i was in the pushing stage of labour and out of my mind when the doc did it. i was mutilated. i miss my nice whole vagina alot









i had a section with my ds, and dtd was fine 8 weeks after, although i was very gentle about it-i had quite a bit of round ligament and internal incision area pain for months afterwords.

i have to say, even with all the abuse my body has taken with births, it is indeed older and wiser-orgasms are mind-bendingly great now.







so that's something positive!

eta
omg
lmao @ the Vagina Day Spa!!! mine definitely deserves The Works!


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## mamallama (Nov 22, 2001)

Are you breastfeeding? The hormones that suppress ovulation make a big difference in the way the whole vulva feels. Once the baby starts getting a significant amt of nutrition from solids (a year to 18mos, maybe a little longer) most women have that feeling of elasticity back.

My first was born with a nuchal hand. The tearing was extensive, and no, I am not the same. It's not bad, just cosmetically different.

It took some time and effort to get my pelvic floor muscles back in shape after each of my births, but it's easy to do and worth doing.

I've had 3 vaginal births, and not only do I not pee when I sneeze, marital relations have never been better


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

I have had two major fourth degree tears and my vagina is normal. Completely. I have an AWESOME OB who is a fantastic surgeon and I had absolutely no problems, no looseness, no pain, nothing after birthing two 9lb babies. I have also had a couple of my friends with minor tears who swear theirs will never be the same. It is a complicated thing, those vaginas!


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## jenneology (Oct 22, 2007)

This is one of those things that makes me mad about my birth. I had some slight 2nd degree tears that I was going to request not be stitched. I wanted them to heal on their own. The midwife informed me that there were some tears that would take one or two stitches. I asked her then if it was necessary, she said no, but I've already started. There's a woman who knows about informed consent....

Anyway, one of the tears was on the edge of my labia and was actually a split in the tissue (like if you were making a snip/notch when sewing). She stiched it and then it didn't heal, I still have that split there. Its not a big deal, I don't care about it, it doesn't hurt or cause any problems.The problem I had with it is that those stitches there hurt and bothered me for days after the birth. It was the stitches, not any other part of the recovery that hurt me longer. And I didn't freaking want or consent to them! It didn't "fix" the tear, if anything it may have repair itself on its own and the stitched made it less likely to repair. Or for all she (or I) know it could have been there already! I guess only my husband would know and he's not incredibly observant when it comes to that sort of thing. Ugh, I'm still PO'd about the violation of informed consent. I'm not going to minimize it inspite that its not the worst type that can or does occur on a regular basis.


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## AugustineM (Mar 21, 2005)

I've had two cesareans and then a vaginal birth (just a month ago) and I have to say that while my vagina was fairly normal after the cesareans, and we resumed having sex about 2-3 wks postpartum, I had almost no sex drive for months after the cesareans. I felt really disconnected from that whole area -- very little feeling, etc. But after my vaginal birth (I had a small tear and two stitches, and pushed out a 9 lb baby in two hours of labor), my vagina was definitely very sore and looked different, like things got rearranged. BUT, I feel much more connected to it! And when we dtd for the first time last night it was amazing and actually felt better than before. Weird.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Everything is back to normal for me after an 8 lb, 9 oz and 9lb, 10 oz baby. In fact, for a while, everything was tighter.


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## eewieew (Jul 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diamond lil* 
My vagina and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Seriously.

We used to have a really good relationship. We used to spend quality time together. We took long walks on the beach and had some really fun times together.

*Sigh* Those were the days...

Since the natural birth of my DD three months ago and the subsequent 2nd degree tear and resulting scar tissue, my vagina has shut me out. And my husband, too.

We've tried to normalize relations, but it's been difficult. There are good days and bad days.

I haven't given up on her. We're just taking it one day at a time.

ETA: Are there spas for vaginas? I'd like to buy my vagina a spa day for Christmas.









:

Not the situation, just the delivery. I love it!


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

So wonderful to read such candidacy on an often undiscussed issue. I'm so reassured to see others also find that things look more exposed than before but still feel ok. I'm definitely not finished healing at this point (3rd degree tears & I still feel very bruised) I'm finding my sex drive is definitely back. I'm hating that I want sex but absolutely cannot fathom trying for awhile yet.


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## Smylingeyz (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
I'm finding my sex drive is definitely back. I'm hating that I want sex but absolutely cannot fathom trying for awhile yet.

That is the most frustrating part - I remember that feeling very well. It wasn't very long ago. Even though it's hard, it does make DTD so much better when you're up to it. One thing I would advise against - do not try it before you're comfortable physically, if it hurts beyond mild discomfort, stop. At 3 weeks out I decided I couldn't wait any longer, and DTD even though it was extremely painful, and as a result I re=tore everything, and I'm still not fully healed at 8mo out.


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## calpurnia (Sep 26, 2004)

I had a 8 lb 13 oz baby by forceps with an epi. 6 months later & everything feels just the same re: tightness, cervix appears to be a little lower, vulva is a little plumper (yeah. My vagina got fat) - but it's all good! Everything's very definitely in working order! I'm proud of it actually - it worked darn hard.


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## SleepyMamaBear (Jun 5, 2005)

my stuff will never be back to normal.
ever.
i now have frankenpussy.
i didnt tear down, i tore up, into my clitoral hood and my clitoris, severing nerves, and making the ability to feel like a WOMAN near impossible.
it will never ever ever be the same.
i would do it all again tho, to have the amazing birth i had with dd2. it was SO worth it.


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## amrijane128 (Jan 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 
My vagina is fine, thanks for asking.











Lol!

I had a small tear that required a few stitches, and DTD sucked for probably 6-8 months. Though, admittedly, I was too afraid to try very often. After I healed completely, sex is much better. I feel slightly tighter and generally more sensitive. Unfortunately, I can't go very "rough" without the scar from the tear hurting again though. Ouch.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

I am a good way down the path of the 'post vaginal birth' vagina as my eldest is 15. I can honestly say that I have no complaints whatsoever despite the battering my poor perineum and labia have suffered during four vaginal births.

First one - at 19, I had a mid line episiotomy which healed fine and I had no problems with.

Second one at 23 a second degree tear which was stitched beautifully but I also tore a bit of lower inner labia which the mw said she didn't think would heal onto anything if she stitched it as it had very little blood supply so the best thing would be to trim it off rather than leave it flapping







: Anyhow it was ok healed fine and I don't miss it.

Third time at 30 second degree tear again in a different place which when first stitched looked and felt a bit like there was a corner on the left side instead of a smooth line.

Fourth time at 33 and no tear! A bit did pop out at the bottom but the swelling reduced and it went back inside in a week or so.

I don't know if age has anything to do with it but I have recovered similarly after each birth and with the fourth we dtd before 5 weeks pp. Everything feels very sensitive in a good way and I am very aware of what is where. I have had orgasms in positions which would not have 'worked' 5 years ago and there is certainly no evidence of anything being looser!

I love the older and wiser idea







Mine definitely is that.


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## Healthy_Baby (Sep 15, 2007)

:


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## Tizzy (Mar 16, 2007)

I'm happy to say at 6mo pp, everything is completely back to normal. Yay! Not what I thought for the first 8 weeks though.
And I think we actually waited 9 weeks to dtd? (It was 2wks after DS1 c/s).

I thought for sure I had a slight prolapse, it would never feel the same, things looked so out of place...and I didn't even have that many stitches? But time, and KEGELS fixed anything. I totally agree with the PP's, wait until you are completely comfortable to dtd again! It was more stressful after DS2 than it was my first time lol! But I'm glad I waited.
Oh and if you're at all worried, buy some lube. It helps, trust me.


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## hollydlr (May 17, 2007)

What an interesting thread! Its neat to compare notes honestly and see what seems to be "normal" or at least how others out there are dealing...

I had a fast birth, 3 hours of labor and 20 mins of pushing out my nuchal hand 8 pounder. I had 2 1st degree tears in my labia minora that had 1 stitch each and healed almost immediately. The scars are totally imperceptible now. I also had a strange tear down at the bottom of my vagina, I am not sure what to call it but basically a small flap of skin tore off. We didn't really recognize it, my mw thought at first it might be a perineal skin tag...but anyway, it got infected and then we tried to glue it back. About half of it died and fell off (sorry, gross, I know) and the rest readhered. So now there is a bit of scar tissue there. We waited maybe 8 or 9 weeks PP to DTD and that scar tissue was painful for a long time. The weirdest, and worst part though, is that I seem to have lost my g-spot. I used to know where it was and enjoyed it quite easily, but I can't find it anymore. It was months, maybe a year, before I could have an orgasm again, and even now, they are much more difficult to acheive and not as good as they used to be. I am hoping once I stop nursing that will change...but that might be years!


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## Sasharna (Nov 19, 2008)

So, ladies.... is it considered _normal_ when they sew us back together wrong?









I'm 3 years past my first labor and I'm still angry about the way my labia was "repaired" after a bad tear. I tore in two places and instead of sewing part A (of the labia) to part B and then part B to part C, my midwife ignored the existence of part B and simply stitched A and C together.

Is this just what we get? Or can I insist on more care and attention if I tear during my next labor? I don't want to look like Frankenstein down there.







: I mean, more than I already do. >_<


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

These stories are so hard to read, especially the ones that are like, "oh well, that's just the way birth is." It isn't. I know that tearing sometimes happens naturally, but directed/voluntary pushing and an environmentally obstructed hormonal process is nearly guaranteed to cause tissue trauma that wouldn't have been there otherwise, and episiotomy is rarely if ever justified. Some day society will look back on these days as the dark ages of obstetrics, when women were regularly and necessarily sexually maimed in childbirth.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

A little history.

First baby almost 16 years ago - small baby but OB/hosp birth so I got the madnatory episiotomy and tore to my rectum.

Second baby 13 years ago - no tearing, smaller episiotomy - again hosp/OB

Babies 3, 4, 5 in the last 6 years, all home waterbirths 8.5-9.5 pounds.
#3 was compound presentation and left me with a skidmark and #4 and #5 were posterior up until pushing.

I pushed all my babies out in less than 15 minutes.

We are very sexual and had sex around 3 weeks post partum with the last 3 - first 2 were with XH.

The only issue I have I don't think I saw mentioned yet.
I have never had a problem with lubrication even at 3 weeks pp so everything always went in easily if you catch my drift and I could even orgasm upon insertion







However, after baby #5 it seems like there is extra skin surrounding my vagina that gets pulled in and pinched when DH inserts







: Because of this I have to be well lubricated (not really an issue) but also in certain positions. For instance it is better/easier if we are in the standard missionary position upon starting. I have honestly thought about getting some kind of 'reduction' of the skin because it really does get in the way.

The good news is this is my only complaint though things could be a little tighter, I do keegles but need to step them up







I am very multi orgasmic in that I can have many vaginal orgasms in one session so I know I am fortunate but the skin really does bother me. It would be nice if we could start in different positions rather than having to start the same way each time and then change as we go.


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## Juniperberry (Apr 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
I'm finding my sex drive is definitely back. I'm hating that I want sex but absolutely cannot fathom trying for awhile yet.

This is how I am right now. I am at 1 month pp and I've been really wanting sex for 2 weeks (so different to #1 where I didn't want it for months afterwards, so I'm excited at my libidos return). It doesn't hurt anywhere at all so I thought I'd be ok.. so we tried yesterday and it hurt a lot... but not how i expected.

It hurt at the top/roof of the inside of my vagina... I'm assuming this is bruising from the baby passing though? but OUCH!! not cool at all.

I know what you guys mean by it looking more exposed. I find that too. I wish it just felt normal.... I'm too scared to try again after yesterday. Will wait at least a week to try again.


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## Smylingeyz (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juniperberry* 
It hurt at the top/roof of the inside of my vagina... I'm assuming this is bruising from the baby passing though? but OUCH!! not cool at all.

That happened to me too... I think I actually bruised my pubic bone, and that feeling didn't go away for a few months. I pushed for an hour, and also bruised my tailbone too. It still hurts even now if I sit for a long time or exercise a lot. Hope I don't have any permanent damage there.


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## accountclosed3 (Jun 13, 2006)

i think it is fair to say that pregnancy and birth changes a woman's body.

these things are not necessarily negatives. i mean, when we go through puberty, we go through natural changes. pregnancy and birth are also natural growth occurances for our bodies. so, i wouldn't be terribly upsest about every change.

now, it makes sense--particularly if you had a lot of physical trauma from birth--for one to be upset about the vagina not being 'normal' but in general, it's ok that it's not "as before."

mine isn't. it's ok. everything feels pretty normal, though the muscles aren't as strong as they were before (we're getting there) and i have what feels like 'rocks' near the perineum. at first i thought it was bruising...that's sort of what it feels like, the knot that a bruise gets. but it's months, so perhaps it's scar tissue. i'm not sure, honestly.

as for DTD, it's no problem. we're just too tired to do it as often as we would like, or the baby is awake and wanting attention when we want to, or what have you. we look forward to date nights, starting around 5-6 months. LOL


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## nalo (Oct 25, 2005)

Well, my DD is 17 months old and my vagina will NEVER be back to normal. Her head was basically stuck crowning for 2 hours as she had both fists on the sides of her head. She slowly, um, worked her way out and left me very worse for wear. I had tons of stitching both inside and out, although 2nd degree was the worse level of any of the tears. I also have pelvic organ prolapse from this stuck pushing phase. So....I am far from normal and never will be and it really, really sucks to be honest.


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## Claire and Boys (Mar 27, 2007)

after #1, sex was just too painful until around 10 months pp. I tore badly and had a ton of stitches, then I healed funny and had scar tissue that made things very inelastic and that made penetration difficult. It did get better eventually but not really until I stopped nursing.

after #2, where I didn't tear anywhere near as badly (no epi, better pushing control) I had nowhere near the amount of problems, only needed minimal stitching, I think we were back to dtd at about 2 months pp. I don't feel stretched out at all, feels about the same as before.


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## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

My vagina is fine... now, after 17 months. I had a 3rd degree tear. My son sort of shot our unexpected. Instead of one shoulder at a time, he came with both shoulders at the same time. I wasn't back to normal for a long time after that. But after a year I feel the same way as I did before, in regards to my vagina. It does take time.


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## KaliShanti (Mar 23, 2008)

Sex was painful for about 8 months (but it was painful before having my son too), but then it started to get better, and after my fertility returned around 14 months PP and I had more lubrication but no birth control (yay no artificial hormones!) it got MUCH better.

Now it looks nothing like it used to, there is tissue that seems to kind of stick out. I had a third degree tear I think. I thin it looks very strange, but DH still likes it so who cares?


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## 3pink1blue (Jun 23, 2008)

I was completely back to normal within 6 or 8 weeks. I had an episiotomy plus tearing with #1, 12 stitches. No tearing or stitches with the next three babies. No noticable "slack" or anything either.


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## luckymamato2 (Jun 3, 2006)

Mine is bad - I pee when I cough/sneeze. If I get pg again and have hyperemesis, I may not be able to leave the house for fear of constantly needing new pants!

I hate kegels. I needed about 6 stitches - 3 tears, one 3rd degree.

We had sex at about 6-7 weeks pp and it was painful, somewhat, until probably 6 months?


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## thixle (Sep 26, 2007)

I've been lurking on this thread long enough-- my vagina says it's time to post...

With #1 had a horrible, 3rd degree, unnecessary episiotomy. Sex was extremely painful for at least a year, lots of scar tissue. It looked "good" but felt horrible. Really messed with my self image... took forever to heal enough to sit comfortably, even. Was painfully numbish for months.

I'm 3weeks pp from #2 now... I tore slightly, 1st degree maybe an inch and a half? next to the episiotomy line. Hard to tell by looking with a mirror exactly how big! I was on my back, with a much needed epidural. Well, a few days after birth, the stitches let go (I was seriously constipated, even though I did everything "right"







can you say "impacted" ouch!)... so, now, my vaginal opening is very... open. I can see the frilly folds of the vaginal wall. Looks crazy, feels GREAT! I was totally embarrassed to show DH, but I really wanted his honest opinion and he wasn't mortified (like I was the first time I looked while still swollen). He said it looks a little different, but healed, and at least I'm not hurting







:
Haven't DTD or had anything in there, but I can wipe, sit, and move with no pain! Muscle tone feels normal when I do kegles (not that I do them very often)...

I might feel different about it if I hadn't experienced the episiotomy first. But as it is, I have another beautiful, big-headed baby and my crotch doesn't hurt! (and I was respected at the birth- I had the final say with everything. has a lot to do with it, I'm sure)

now, my tailbone still hurts.. but that's another thread


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## IHeartO (Nov 16, 2008)

Wow...after several days away from my computer, I am so happy to see this thread is still going! Really, it is so refreshing to hear such candid responses. Keep the responses coming ladies...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NokomisThree* 
Now, the problem with talking about this, especially among women who had C-sections, is that they tend to point to these issues as justification for C's.







:

FWIW, the next time someone tells you that, you can tell them you know a woman (me - I know you don't really know me, but that's okay) who has only ever had c-sections, and has had serious problems in that area. After ds2 (my third baby, and a scheduled section...minimal labour, but NO pushing...and dd was no labour at all), I wondered if I'd ever feel normal again. I had _no_ clitoral sensation for about 6 months - some kind of nerve damage, probably - and my pelvis still isn't back to normal. I have a large numb area, and have a great deal of difficulty performing kegels now (I've done them regularly for 20+ years) due to the lack of sensation.

These problems _all_ date back to the date of my surgery with ds2. Admittedly, I've had another baby and c-section (with long labour) since then - and am now pregnant again)...but ds2 will be 3.5 next month, and these problems are still a daily reality. I'm just grateful that the complete destruction of my sex life was only temporary.


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## Shahbazin (Aug 3, 2006)

I had 2nd degree tears w/both births, but they put in a zillion little stitches (particularly the 2nd time), & everything seems back to normal. We didn't DTD until 3 months post partum each time, but that was after I got AF back each time too (despite bf'ing), so I think the quick hormone return had something to do with it. It was a little ouchy the first few times, then back to normal.


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Very amused at some of y'all's sense of humor... I think IRL we'd get along quite nicely. I think I'm going to have to work in the term "hoohah" in the near future...

Seriously, tho, I've been really interested to see this topic being discussed so candidly. I just had an un medicated hospital birth 6 weeks ago. I am going to the midwife Wednesday, and am hoping to get the ok for DTD along with non-hormonal birth control (because I have trouble spelling diapraghm, lol). This cutie was a surprise, and surprises just aren't as fun when they happen a lot, right?









Was scared to death at the general area ?days pp- because of the bruising and swelling. I read up on so much except tearing, so I was totally okay mentally for things like pooping while pushing and what not, but not bruised labia. I tore top to bottom, yay for no epi tho. I think it was bc I had to be induced (pre-e!), so the contractions were pretty intense. I only pushed a few times too, about 20-30 minutes total. Also, my midwife told me to start doing massage when I was around 36 wks, and DD was born at 36 weeks exactly. Yeah, there goes that!

My sex drive has always been healthy, despite bad experiences, taking anti-depressants, and pain. I'm very apprehensive about DTD because of the 2 labial stitches+2nd degree tear, along with a history of painful sex (entire sexual "life"). I'm trying to not stress out too much, because at least I know I still "work." I guess I'll check back in at a later date. Hopefully with good news.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

I had pp sex for the first time last night (yay!) and it did not feel like before. Not bad, but definitely different. DH said afterward that things felt the same outside (I had two tears and was really worried about this), but from what I said and how I was reacting the hot spot had moved. I didn't care b/c he found the new spot eventually.







: Penetration felt different, I can tell it's a bit looser and DH agreed. Sex is still fun though so I'm too concnerned over any of that, even though I am doing Kegels now.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

I went for my 6 week check today. I had been concerned earlier that some stitches just below my vagina had let go but it seemed to be healing albeit slowly. Turns out the reason it was still so tender & raw in that spot was I had granulated tissue. He put in some local freezing & was prepared to add a stitch or two but after he removed the granulated tissue he decided the stitching was not necessary (yeah!). Anyway, he says now that area should heal up real quick. I'm relieved as for a 3rd degree tear I think my healing & complications are going very well. Once this little spot heals up I think I will be ready to dtd!


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## kltroy (Sep 30, 2006)

Things are ok here, but definitely not the same as it was B.C. (before children). My first was a scheduled c-section (breech presentation) and everything was just fine down there (breastfeeding dryness and low/no libido for many many months, aside).

This past June I had a really fabulous VBAC, which resulted in a small tear (2-3 stitches) and that healed just fine. BUT I also ended up with second degree bladder prolapse (cystocele) and everything felt very odd down there (boo!). Finally, around 10 weeks postpartum I got a referral for a physical therapist and today I officially "graduated" from PT and my cystocele is a non-issue 95% of the time. (!!!) Intercourse is and has been fine (again, breastfeeding and the usual postpartum crap aside), but things are definitely "looser" feeling than they used to be.


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## RedPony (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IHeartO* 
Okay. I have great girlfriends and we pretty much let it all hang out in our discussions about birth and beyond, but there is one thing that I am not sure we are honest about and that is our vaginas (vulvas, perineums). I recently gave birth for the first time (4 months ago), and after hearing everyone say that they were "back to normal" regardless of their birth stories.

I, unfortunately, ended up with an epiosiotomy - my midwife stated that she was avoiding what looked like it might be a 3 degree tear - that and my son's heartrate was low and slow to recover in between the last contractions and there was meconium etc. In any case, I just don't feel "back to normal" and I'm pretty sure I won't. I think maybe I have had unrealistic expectations of what "normal" would be after birth. Should I have expected to heal completely or is it just "normal" that your vagina (vulva or perineum) will never be the same again - after all I did just push out a baby!!

Any thoughts and honest opinions are appreciated.









Ouch! Sorry to hear that happend to you.







:

No candy coating here... I had two 2nd degree tears and skid marks. I was "back to normal" by 8 weeks, I think and have no further issues. Except, and I have no idea if this has to do with the two births I've had or what, my perineum and vagina have been mildly to extremely itchy ever since. It sucks.







Nothing seems to help, and I have to wonder if I won't be deal with the itchiness for the rest of my life. Ugh.

But other than that, I feel the same to me, DH told me I was loose at first, but now, not so much.


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## mommyfied (Jun 25, 2007)

I wish I had this thread 3 weeks postpartum. That was when I was brave enough to pull out a mirror and try to figure out what the heck had happened to me. I had NO IDEA this kind of stuff happens since no one talks about it. I felt damaged, alone, and like I'd never be able to have sex again.









I also tore up... my perineum is completely intact, but one of my labia tore up toward my clitoris. Thank God it stopped where it did, but it is separated from the clitoral hood on one side. That spot has no sensation, but it didn't affect my clitoris. Ultimately it did make sex better because my DH always took longer than me and now we are about equal and I can enjoy it longer.









I also had a rectocele and cystocele and my cervix was very low for months. I thought I was broken. My cervix went back to the normal position and my cystocele and rectocele receded somewhat. I still peed my pants when coughing, sneezing, and jumping up until the last 6 weeks (2 years postpartum)... Somehow after I hit my 3rd trimester that no longer happens. I did have a ton of sex in the 2nd trimester so maybe that helped.







I have noticed that the place where I had my internal tear is more sensitive recently though. It never bothered me in the past!

Even though things will never look or feel the same (it took a while to accept that was okay), sex is just as good or better than before. It took me a while to get used to the differences in sensations and structure and how to work with my "new" body.


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## Zadorina (Mar 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diamond lil* 
My vagina and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Seriously.

We used to have a really good relationship. We used to spend quality time together. We took long walks on the beach and had some really fun times together.

*Sigh* Those were the days...

Since the natural birth of my DD three months ago and the subsequent 2nd degree tear and resulting scar tissue, my vagina has shut me out. And my husband, too.

We've tried to normalize relations, but it's been difficult. There are good days and bad days.

I haven't given up on her. We're just taking it one day at a time.

ETA: Are there spas for vaginas? I'd like to buy my vagina a spa day for Christmas.

Oh my GOSH! Thank you, I really needed to read your post. My beautiful boy was born just over a week ago and I'm feeling like my entire pelvic region hates me. I needed the laugh so much right now. Still using pads and still feeling a bit of pain where my stitches were (only had three but for Pete's sake...you'd think I had major surgery!) Nothing worrisome to me...just seems that things will never get back to normal down there. Doesn't help that hubby just got a haircut and is looking all cute and I might actually WANT to have sex some day.


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## IHeartO (Nov 16, 2008)

as this thread dwindles, just wanted to say that I think we should all give our hoohaws a big hug! and, I am happy to report that my vagina feels a little bit more "normal" every day, a slightly new normal, but normal nonetheless!


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I got lucky... DD caused me a small tear and I needed a few stitches. She was 5 lb 13 oz. I healed just fine. I had no tears with ds. He was 8 lb 7 oz. I healed just fine. I wasn't really all that sore after either kid. I seemed a bit looser after dd, but things were normal by 3 months pp. With ds, I did not attempt sex until 3 months pp (baby lived on the boob night and day, I did not want to have sex like that,







) and I was not loose.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RedPony* 
...my perineum and vagina have been mildly to extremely itchy ever since. It sucks.







Nothing seems to help, and I have to wonder if I won't be deal with the itchiness for the rest of my life. Ugh.

But other than that, I feel the same to me, DH told me I was loose at first, but now, not so much.

Looking at your signature, it seems you've probably been pregnant, breastfeeding, and/or in or near the "fourth trimester" pretty continuously since '06. It's quite possible that the itching is hormonal. If so, it will probably subside.


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## Dahlea (May 15, 2008)

Well, I got really lucky and didn't tear or get cut. I had a few tiny skid marks that really hurt at first when we tried to do anything-it made my clit feel like it was burning really badly! But at almost 9 weeks PP, I do feel like it's back to normal, and my husband says it doesn't really feel any different to him. I guess I got lucky.


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## mamma_ps (Jul 13, 2007)

just the thread i was looking for. thanks for all the candid posts! my son is 18 months (my first). sex is the same as before. my husband claims everything feels the same and very tight. we started having sex about 4-6 weeks pp, and it hurt, bad. probably until about 6 months later. i had a small tear (i think the midwife said first degree with like 4-5 stitches.) BUT, i pushed for almost 4 hours. yeah, insane. so, i just had the courage to look down there today. it looks very exposed. not like i remember it looking at all. it kind of freaked me out.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

My vagina is awesome! Having kids, oddly enough, has done nothing but good things for it. I was too tight and sex was not enjoyable until after I had my SECOND baby, believe it or not. I had a 2nd degree tear and episiotomy with my first baby, which left me still too tight.







: But after three kids, my vag feels great and looks great







So I guess maybe I'm lucky?


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## Jilian (Jun 16, 2003)

I didn't read all of the replies but my lady friend is doing ok. With DS1 I tore 2nd degree in my perrineum (sp?) and it took a while to heal. For the first year or so it felt like I was stitched up too tight. Then all was well. With DS2 I tored in my inner labia and that hurt like a mofo. It took a few months to feel right again but all is well. I can see the scars in bith areas where I was stitched back up. But I swear that everything feels better than it did before DS2.


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## mamabain (Sep 19, 2002)

couldn't resist reading this and wanted to give a longer term perspective.

my youngest is 4, oldest 7, me and my hoohah are 36!

both vaginal births, no cutting. first birth, 3rd degree tear. took 7 months to feel close to normal.
second birth, waterbirth, small 1st degree tear, 2 inch-long intraperineal? (between inner labia and clitoris) vertical tears. chose not to stitch and ended up healing well by 2 weeks. had sexual intercourse at 4 weeks and felt fine.

am enjoying my post-baby yoni. there is hope!


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## aaronsmom (Jan 22, 2007)

Well, my vajayjay is okay. Not great, not horrible, but okay. I'm definitely much "looser" than I was pre-second birth. After my first birth sex was 10 times better than pre-pregnancy. But after my UC...I'm pretty sure I tore without realizing and thought it healed it didn't heal perfectly. I'm almost 12 mos pp and I've done kegels religiously since the birth but I still don't feel quite normal down there. Maybe once DD is finished nursing things will even out.
I've been wanting to go see a ob/gyn just to have things checked out but I have a phobia of vaginal exams.


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## magpiedee (Dec 21, 2005)

Thank goodness for this thread! I have been feeling like a freak. I'm now 6 weeks pp with my 8lb. 14oz. VBAC boy, and it feels like alien territory up there. I had one tear, which was like a striation-- horizontally across. It was stitched and now looks like a healed shark bite, and it's still quite tender and tight. DH wants to DTD, but I am extremely skittish, with good reason!

But here's my question, which I hope someone can help with:
I just remembered to do kegels... but as soon as I started doing kegels, I started experiencing incontinence. I seem to leak when bending over, getting up from a sitting position, or otherwise having an "open" situation down there. Will doing more kegels help to fix it or dig me further into tinkledance territory?

I see my MW on the 21st, but i'd love to know that this is normal or fixable before then.


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

I think I posted to this thread earlier, and wanted to update. Just had #4, and it was a crazy fast precipitous labor (mine have always been super short, this time crazy short) and literally the head dropped down, and he came out in only minutes.

And, around one week post partum I checked myself to see what the muscles were like (I didn't feel any bruising this time...my theory was that he was in the perfect position and things were quick). And, the inside felt completely like before. Then, we DTD around 10 days pp and it felt surprisingly good. So, it seems in my experience so far that my recovery gets easier with each birth! Of course, I've been doing my kegels religiously, and am planning to start my gyneflex pelvic floor exerciser soon to get even more pc strength back!


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## jazzybaby9 (Feb 27, 2007)

My vagina took many many stitches, mainly because I pushed her out WAY too fast and also because the b!tch of a doctor RIPPED me open while her head was in the birth canal, no joke...she TORE me. I split up and I split down and I split out. My vagina was a wreck







BUT has since healed (15 months later) and no longer looks the same or feels the same. It is loose and "mature" as I like to call it







...I am more sensitive in a GOOD way, though...so that's great, but otherwise, not so happy


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## Abismommy (Jul 3, 2008)

Well my vagina hates me right now, although I am 34 weeks pregnant! After DD was born I had a very mild tear, on my labia. It only required like 3 stitches. Anyways things were kinda painful for a few month, I was kinda dry from the BFing. Now I just feel like it looks different, I don't like it either. I am really am uncomfortable with the way I look! I am even more afraid of what will happen after this baby's birth. MW says lots of olive oil and warm compresses tho..so lets hope it works!


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

I'm loving this thread!

My vagina and I were not on speaking terms for a long time. But I've almost forgiven her at this point.

I had an episiotomy with DS1, and I never healed right. My perineum was very, very painful until DS1 was about 8 months old. I think I was stitched up too tight, which made sex uncomfortable even though the rest of my vagina was a little looser (which I actually appreciated, since I was almost "too tight" before having kids).

DS2 was born unassisted; relatively short labor, and brief but intense pushing phase. I thought my vagina came out of it unscathed, but 5 days pp I gathered the courage to look into a mirror, and I had actually torn pretty badly. It had already begun to heal, so I let nature do her work, and that tear healed within a few weeks with no discomfort whatsoever. We had sex at 8 weeks pp and I only had a little pain. My vaginal opening is kind of funny-shaped now, since the torn edges weren't perfectly aligned, but I can deal with it.

The real shocker came when I discovered at 2 months pp that, at 22 years old, I had a prolapsed uterus and cystocele! That killed me. I felt like my body had completely failed me. I didn't have enough pelvic strength to have an orgasm until I was several months pp. Thank God it's gotten better as time has gone on, and I don't experience incontinence, but just knowing that my cervix is hanging out just a few inches into my vagina destroys my confidence. To be so young, and in good shape, only 2 babies, easy births . . . gah. Turns out I was predisposed to prolapse; I'm pretty sure my mother and grandmother had it (both had incontinence problems after having children), and I already had a tipped uterus, and women with reddish hair tend to be affected most by it. I've accepted the reality of what condition my vagina is in, but I still wish I could just get a new one!

Oh, and to whoever said "frankenpussy" -







: You almost made me wake up my kids!


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## stacyann21 (Oct 21, 2006)

Hilarious title!

I had a natural birth and a large tear. My vagina seems slightly more loose since giving birth but it's actually been a good thing because intercourse used to be painful, if not impossible, for me. In fact, my body seems to respond better to stimulation in general (ie lubes up faster and orgasms last longer/feel better etc).


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## fairydoula (Jul 15, 2006)

I haven't read the _whole_ thread, but I would recommend that mammas who are unhappy with or have physical problems with their vaginas or surrounding areas, go see a Urologist!!!
I worked for a urologist and his wife for 6 months and learned a bunch about prolapse, rectocele and cystocele and that surgery can correct a LOT of these problems. If you've had bad tears that didn't heal correctly, even if it's just a visual thing, or an actual problem, if you have scarring, tightness, looseness, pain, discomfort, excessive scars... all that stuff can be addressed by a good urologist.
It's SOOO not worth just "accepting" it. If you're unhappy, get help with it!!! There are sites on the internet you can google too, about vaginal rejuvination and repairs...... there is SO much that can be done now, you can be back to normal!!! Check it out!
- Jen


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## crunchymamatobe (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thixle* 
now, my tailbone still hurts.. but that's another thread









Mine, too! I still have to be really careful how I sit or I will get up and it aches and aches.

My vagina is doing OK 26 months postpartum. Sex has been fine since we went for it 6 weeks PP. I think I got away with minimal damage considering that I was pushing for 4+ hours. Still a bit leaky if a sneeze catches me off guard, but that's not, strictly speaking, a vaginal problem, is it?

The one thing that bothers me is that I had what was described to me as a "tiny, one-stitch tear, about an inch inside" my vagina. (Homeborn baby, transfered because placenta didn't separate, so at this point I was numb, my legs in the air...) I thought, well, as long as they're down there, why not stitch it up? I wish I had insisted that it be left to heal naturally. Maybe it was the stitch and maybe not, but that tiny one-stitch tear has healed into a marble-sized 'blob' of scar tissue that sits at my vaginal opening. It's not painful and honestly, I can't even feel it, but I do wish it wasn't there.


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## jecombs (Mar 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrunchyMamaToBe* 
The one thing that bothers me is that I had what was described to me as a "tiny, one-stitch tear, about an inch inside" my vagina. (Homeborn baby, transfered because placenta didn't separate, so at this point I was numb, my legs in the air...) I thought, well, as long as they're down there, why not stitch it up? I wish I had insisted that it be left to heal naturally. Maybe it was the stitch and maybe not, but that tiny one-stitch tear has healed into a marble-sized 'blob' of scar tissue that sits at my vaginal opening. It's not painful and honestly, I can't even feel it, but I do wish it wasn't there.

Same here! I'm 18 mo. post-partum and finally got up the courage to have a look at my vajayjay after reading this thread. Imagine my surprise when I saw a weird-looking blob on one side of my vagina! I can only assume it was the "small, 3-stitch tear" my MW told me about after delivery. I wish I had told her to leave it alone.

Does anyone have experience with letting small tears heal naturally? I did have some more extensive tearing in my perineum, which was stitched. But I can't see any scarring in that area.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairydoula* 
I haven't read the _whole_ thread, but I would recommend that mammas who are unhappy with or have physical problems with their vaginas or surrounding areas, go see a Urologist!!!
I worked for a urologist and his wife for 6 months and learned a bunch about prolapse, rectocele and cystocele and that surgery can correct a LOT of these problems. If you've had bad tears that didn't heal correctly, even if it's just a visual thing, or an actual problem, if you have scarring, tightness, looseness, pain, discomfort, excessive scars... all that stuff can be addressed by a good urologist.
It's SOOO not worth just "accepting" it. If you're unhappy, get help with it!!! There are sites on the internet you can google too, about vaginal rejuvination and repairs...... there is SO much that can be done now, you can be back to normal!!! Check it out!
- Jen

wouldn't it be a gynecologist that deals with that stuff? I didn't know urologists were taught about the yoni.


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## georgiegirl1974 (Sep 20, 2006)

I only read through the first two pages but here's my experience.

I had a second degree tear and some stitches. I had a problem healing and my labia healed together in one spot, so at my 6 week post partum check-up, the OB had to do a procedure where they cut me back open. Ick! That hurt. I also think the OB stitched me too tight because sex was impossible until 5 months post partum. I went to new OB about 7 mo post partum (I had moved to another state when DD was 3 months old) because it was too painful to have sex. They referred me to physical therapy because my scar tissue wasn't stretching enough. I ended up not going because DD was still colicky and I didn't have anyone to babysit her. I decided to just deal with the pain. Eventually sex got less painful, but it was still painful until my period returned around 20 months post partum. By the time DD was 2, sex was awesome again.







:

DD will be 3 in 2 months, and I'm pregnant again. I'm so worried about post-baby sex because it hurt for so long, and I really think it took a major toll on my relationship with DH. He was understanding, but I think it gets hard when you really have absolutely no desire to have sex because you know it will hurt like hell.


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## iris5426 (Jul 22, 2008)

Glad to see someone else use "vajayjay"







I'm really glad to see this thread too...

My vajayjay and I are doing pretty well...I'm almost 6 weeks PP, DS was 6lb 12oz and I had a small first degree tear (no stitches) at the top and a vein that bulged out a bit at the bottom. At my 10 day checkup both had pretty much healed. We DTD (just once so far) and it was actually pretty good, though things were still a bit tender in general.

I still have pain in a weird spot, let me know if anyone else has this or any thoughts about it. It's above my clitoris, the area where there's kind of a ridge that almost feels like a tendon under the skin? I always wondered if that was the top "inside" part of the clit, still have no idea. Anyways. It's tender/sore to the touch (with some pressure), and the weird part is that I'll have pain there a lot of the time when I go from lying down to sitting using my abs (i.e. middle of the night sitting up while holding DS). So strange, and not sure how to explain it to the MW to ask her about it when I go for my next check up!

My butt also still hurts from time to time, though the MW told me I didn't have hemorrhoids or anything.

So, my vajayjay is pretty good







, but the immediate surrounding areas still need some work







:


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## IHeartO (Nov 16, 2008)

hey ladies...wow, I haven't been checking in a while but I love that responses are still coming. I have 2 quick questions...a friend of mine gave birth 10 weeks ago and has been left with a bulging vein near her vagina - anyone else experience this? does it go away? early on, page 1 someone use the word "golf ball" to explain a visual - I'm just wondering if this is similar to the vein my friend describes - any ideas? or perhaps this is scar tissue from a small stitch as mentioned by a few ladies of late...? another girlfriend just had a section and has some residual numbness in her groin area - anyone experience this? she is also wondering how long this might take to go away - or if it will go away and is not getting a straight answer from the ob.

and, lastly, I agree - the term "frankenpussy" almost made me wake up the neighbourhood - too funny!


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Could the bulging vein possibly be granulated tissue? I just went back again to my ob for 2 spots that were bulgy, smooth, red spots, almost blobby looking. They didn't hurt at all but they were more granulated tissue. In fact my ob was surprised they didn't hurt. He removed them & I'm hoping that I won't get any more regrowth.


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## snowmom5 (May 8, 2008)

Just to add my two cents, having had four babies come down the pike. After the first birth, of the twins, I had a lot of stitches, tore in a few different places, and that healing seemed to take quite a while - the longest by far. Next birth was easy peasy, I had a quick episiotomy when he was stuck by the skin and his heartrate nearly stopped, and that tore to a grade 2; the healing was pretty easy and quick but I found that I didn't like how the skin was back together - somewhat tighter than before and in a very sensitive spot - like an overzealous job of stitching. So that skin was irritating. Next delivery, I tore in the same spot as usual, and I had a different OB who did a nicer job of stitching me up - not too tight, just perfect! I guess the third time is the charm. I healed within a week though I don't remember when it was that it went back to active duty. Now that I'm having an unexpected additional little one, I expect to tear in the same spot (I think it's just my anatomy), but I'm a little afraid that I won't get the great sewing job of the last OB (and this is definitely the last one!). This was much better for me than before having babies. I so hope she's the one on call...









So my guess is that slight differences in the stitching (if you had stitching) can affect how things feel.

The other thing I wanted to point out to the first time moms, in case you have forgotten, is that your hormone levels are not the same during those first postpartum months, and if you're nursing that situation may continue. By this I mean dryness, which can make everything in that region more irritating.

And I agree on the urologist angle. I have a friend who is a female urologist (i.e. she serves female patients). I remember complaining about my temporary prolapse and she was so cheerful, "hey, I can fix that!" LOL....


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## lacysmommy (Nov 10, 2004)

My first birth I tore awkwardly (only a 1 degree, but at just the wrong place I guess) and sex was almost impossible for about 6 months. I had major issues with peeing after the birth, and actually had to fill my tub a couple inches just so it didn't burn (the little spray bottle thing didn't work nearly as well as the tub). Eventually, the pain completely disappeared and the tighness I felt down there was gone. I was afraid it was going to be bad after #2, but it was so much easier. I still tore, but the recovery was so much better.


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## x.xiv.mmvii (Jun 4, 2008)

I had my baby 16 months ago, and don't feel normal or back to the way I was prior to delivering.

I did have a baby literally stuck for 6 hours there, and had what a PP referred to as a blow out myself (seriously the midwife took one look down there and called it a blow out!) So, I am not so sure I am expecting my stuff to go back to the way it was. It delivered a baby, so it gets a pass.


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## CultivatingMyRoots (Jan 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iris5426* 
I still have pain in a weird spot, let me know if anyone else has this or any thoughts about it. It's above my clitoris, the area where there's kind of a ridge that almost feels like a tendon under the skin? I always wondered if that was the top "inside" part of the clit, still have no idea. Anyways. It's tender/sore to the touch (with some pressure), and the weird part is that I'll have pain there a lot of the time when I go from lying down to sitting using my abs (i.e. middle of the night sitting up while holding DS). So strange, and not sure how to explain it to the MW to ask her about it when I go for my next check up!

My butt also still hurts from time to time, though the MW told me I didn't have hemorrhoids or anything.

I had both those pains when I had a systemic yeast infection/thrush. Baby and I both had it, and two rounds of Diflucan did NOTHING, we went on the Specific carbohydrate diet and did some major probiotics, and we were BOTH much happier. It also cured her dairy intolerance, which was causing her to have 'colic.'

My doctor had no explanation for that pain, either, but the fact that both those pains cleared up at the same time my vaginal yeast infection did says to me that the yeast was the problem. Good luck!


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## lyterae (Jul 10, 2005)

After my daughter was stuck for 2.5 hours of pushing with no progress we had a c-section... After the c-section and no vaginal birth I was dismayed when things weren't quite right down below.. First there was the swelling, I was told from all the pressure of pushing. And sex hurt for the first year, it hurt and even when I managed to make my way through it it took a lot of lube to aid us. Even now the hubby says things look and feel different than they did before I had Becca. I think that things feel tighter now than they did prior to having my daughter and that sometimes makes things uncomfortable.


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## Say (Feb 19, 2009)

Ah... *big breath*...

I am five weeks pp with my 1st. No tearing, 2 hours of pushing, 1 skid mark. My husband and I DTD 3 1/2 weeks pp. I was surprised that I wanted to and at how good it felt! There is definitely an increase in sensation... I don't know if it's related to bf or no longer being pregnant. However, I am not the same quite yet. There is definitely a little more room and I have a 'stiff' area where I had a skid mark, plus a few stiff sections inside. They do not hurt though.

Does this sound normal to everyone - having stiff areas? I am curious how long they take to relax.

I know it will take more time to go back to normal.


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## AlaaJ (Nov 5, 2010)

What is that "golf ball" looking bulge right at the opening of the vagina? Is it a prolapsed vaginal wall (i.e., the bladder pushing the wall out, aka cystocele)? I'm 8 wks pp but I first noticed it after my dc2's birth. It doesn't bother me, just wondering what those ridges sitting right under the urethra are! Like everyone else, I've no idea what my pre birth vagina looked like, and Im too scared of freaky pics to do any image googling.


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## mamaboots (Aug 31, 2010)

When I tore with DD, everything went back to normal quickly other than some scar tissue. I'm almost 5 weeks pp with DS and my tear was never sutured, I stayed in bed with my legs together for 3 days and the two side of the tear never came together. I looked down there with a mirror and I feel like my vagina has been turned inside out. I've never been able to see my urethra before but now can and my vaginal walls look like they're coming out of the opening. Not good. Not. Good.

I'm not sure what I can do about it, if anything but it makes me feel so disgusting.


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## cinderella08 (Feb 27, 2009)

I had extensive tearing with my VBAC baby. Bilateral sulcus tearing. It means that you basically tear from your cervix clear down both sides of the vagina all the way out. I also had a few minor labial abrasions. It took nearly 2.5 hours of stitching to put me back together. Not pretty. It can still be painful 9 months Postpartum for me..... I have some extensive scarring and several areas that just aren't normal - probably never will be.


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## BenimBebek (Jan 9, 2010)

So, I pushed for like 30 minutes and everything was going fine and slow until my MW said that his heart rate dropped and didnt come back up and they wanted me to "get him out now" so i pushed with all my might, might i didnt even know I had and out came the head, grabbed a breath and out came the body. And there went my vagina... bye bye vagina. I had a 2nd degree tear, aka, to the anus, awesome. 30 minutes of stitching. I was sooo not prepared for the pain that I would experience for the next 3-4 months. My baby is now 5 months and there is a ton of scar tissue down there. It just sucks. We have DTD about 3x , starting at maybe 8 weeks pp. But I hate my vagina. Its stiff and everything hurts. I feel sooo unsexy now. its really crappy. plus im about 30 lbs overweight, which I really really hate.... even though DH is still way bigger, I use to be the tiny one!

Anywho, yeah, Im not sure if things will ever be "normal" again. But probably everyone says that afterward. I have hears of women going to physical therapy for this "issue." I thought about it. But Im just too shy to go to a dr to "work" on my vagina...

on the plus side, breastfeeding is going awesome and my older daughter isnt jealous at all of her new brother! Plus I sleep the whole night with my little guy-- and he just started napping during the day too!! so life isnt horrible... just my vagina is.


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