# I think I just lost a friend...What would you have done?



## Agatha_Ann (Apr 5, 2009)

So I usually bite my tongue (or come running here to vent







) when I see things, but today I made a comment to my friend about her sister who turned her 6 month old FFing. I thought I approached it gently about how confusing car seats can be, but she absolutely lost it. She said I need to worry about my own kids and that her sister is the best mom she knows.

Anyway, I know it is really sensitive and I knew the risks before I said anything. I'm just wondering where you all draw the line at risking the friendship for the safety of a child?


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Well, I guess it sorta depends on how able I'd be to be a supportive, loving friend if something horrible happened and I *hadn't* said anything, you know?

But with something like turning a 6-month-old FF, sometimes it's best to approach it from the legal standpoint. "That's not legal" isn't seen as so judgmental as "That's not safe" for some reason. You can start with "She could get a ticket for that, or even worse, get a CPS call" and move into *why* it's not legal... i.e. that it's not safe.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 
Well, I guess it sorta depends on how able I'd be to be a supportive, loving friend if something horrible happened and I *hadn't* said anything, you know?

But with something like turning a 6-month-old FF, sometimes it's best to approach it from the legal standpoint. "That's not legal" isn't seen as so judgmental as "That's not safe" for some reason. You can start with "She could get a ticket for that, or even worse, get a CPS call" and move into *why* it's not legal... i.e. that it's not safe.

Yep I went this way when someone told me to turn dd ff b/c it was unsafe to have her rf







:. I said, "oh, but i could get a huge ticket for that! it's illegal now!"


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

I think its a little strange that your friend got so defensive...i mean, if i do something that i'm confident in, and someone questions it, i dont get bent out of shape, i just state why i made that choice and move on. The fact that she let you have it, telling you to "worry about your own kids" makes me wonder if she is really reacting to something else (like, does she feel judged by you, even if you havent done anything to warrant that?)...because it just seems weird to me that she would feel so strongly just from you saying that maybe turning her niece/nephew wasnt a good idea...? She could have easily said "oh, i get what you are saying, but its not my kid so i dont really have a say" or "oh, i'm sure she has her reasons for what she did" or "hmm, i'll pass on that info to her, but its really up to her to decide..."...know what i mean?

Katherine


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Sounds to me like your friend is the one who told her sister to turn her kid.

Otherwise why get so pissy about being told about one tiny, easily-fixable, problem with how her sister did something?

(And if her sister is the best mom she knows, how insulting is that to you? I mean, family loyalty is great and all, but c'mon!)


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

Wow I wonder why she is so overly sensistive about it? It definitely sounds like there is more going on. Maybe Sapphire is right and she was the one who told her sister? It seems like such a silly thing to get so upset about.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

I keep my mouth shut unless I actually think me saying something would make a difference. And quite frankly most people make their decisions & the unsolicited advice of others is seen as intrusive.

That said, talking about legality is often better accepted than talking about the safety of it - I think because when you say "that's not safe" what is heard is "you're not taking care of your child" & that gets people defensive.


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## AndrewsMother (Jul 30, 2007)

I keep my mouth shut. I don't want random advice from my friends or strangers so I don't offer any.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I don't know about the legalities of it, and that probably wouldn't be the thing that moved me, honestly, and that would be more likely to tick me off. I don't feel comfortable saying things, but I think I might have approached it from the place of "look, I just couldn't live with myself if something happened and I knew I didn't say anything, so I just want to make sure you are aware of the risks--I know a lot of people aren't."

I had a woman come up to me and talk to me quite seriously, telling me she didn't want to offend me, but that I just couldn't continue to do what I was doing because it wasn't safe. I just nodded and thanked her for her concern and for sharing it. And after that I really had to consider it, and I did, and while I still felt fine with what I was doing, I realized that other people witnessing it felt uncomfortable, and I was more willing to do things differently.


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## nikkiethridge (May 6, 2008)

Couldn't she get a ticket for that? IDK though...most officers don't seem to really be educated on when children should be FF anyway. I just thought that way illegal?







:


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## BellaClaudia (Aug 1, 2008)

here it is just illegal and you can go to jail too
as it is child endangerment and borderline neglect.

I am very reluctant to comment on anyone kids or
approach because I had bad experience.

If I would go as far as you stating something I would
go further and defed the case not leaving as is..
as in ..

I know your sister is best mom and she has tons of experience
but it hapens everyday to very experienced moms that
they have little bumper accident that does nothing to
the car and driver but means deat to a baby because
baby breaks neck in forwrd trust..

so with me it is like I have only one child so I can't risk it
I meet everyday parents of multiple kdis who are not
safely concerned as they act like they can spare a chld or
so.. that is very disturbing because for htis kids it means a life

and I always try to imagine what those parents would do
if they coudl reverse past..

other option is to send her a video.. there was a video
somwhere on the internet of a girl who lost life
in a front facing seat accident.

picture worth thousands words.

so sorry for your feelings


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