# Things I should never have to say...



## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

But had to...

"Did you FLUSH before you decided to play in the water?"

"STOP playing with the dogs poopy"

"How did you fit THAT into the drain?"

OK so make me feel better. This is my 4 yr. old and I swear he's just now going through the terrible 2's.

What are some of the things you never thought you'd have to say but have found yourself saying to your kids.


----------



## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

You MUST have clothes on to leave the house.

No the cat is NOT a chew toy


----------



## Mama~Love (Dec 8, 2003)

"Please don't lick the walls."


----------



## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Please don't use my bra to carry your legos around.
It is not ok to stick raisins in your sister's bellybutton.


----------



## BetsyNY (Jul 1, 2005)

"Don't put rocks in your foreskin! Actually, don't put ANYTHING in there."


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Please dont put your dinasour in your butt. Thank you.


----------



## cjam (Mar 28, 2010)

Stop kissing that caterpillar.


----------



## dakotablue (Jun 21, 2009)

Yesterday. "Please, don't lick the dog."


----------



## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

"Do not pick your sister's nose."


----------



## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)




----------



## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

"No, it is not ok to wipe snots on your brother!"


----------



## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

"Stop chewing on the entertainment center."


----------



## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

"No, I will not lie down spreadeagled so that you can 'look up me' to see the baby."


----------



## Peppermint Leaf (Jan 11, 2008)

No -- "Mommy" is not the name grandma gave me when I was born - I actually have "another" name


----------



## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Please don't put things up your bottom. Things come out bottoms, not go up them.

The rubbish is not a toy!

Stop licking the window!

I know there are more, but I can't remember any at the moment! There have been too many times over the years that I think to myself "I shouldn't have to say that!"


----------



## nova22 (Jun 26, 2004)

"Take your fork out of your ear."

_30 seconds later..._

"Honey! Take your fork out of your armpit!"


----------



## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

"Keep your hands away from your brother's bum!"

"Stop chasing the chickens with the fish net!"


----------



## CookAMH (Jun 2, 2008)

These are hilarious.


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

"Do not pick your nose, and really dont eat it!"

Seriously? I cannot believe my kid is a booger eater.


----------



## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

"Quit sticking that fork up your nose!"


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Do NOT flip the laundry basket over your brothers head and sit on it!


----------



## Celtain (Mar 10, 2004)

Your brother is NOT a target!

Don't squeeze the dog!

and my personal favorite, "please, PLEASE, don't feel me up!" My last little one loves the boobies


----------



## kittn (Mar 6, 2006)

no you may not touch my bum.
please dont eat my shoe
we do not eat light bulbs
please stop poking your brother with your penis


----------



## anj_rn (Oct 1, 2009)

No, we do not want to see your penis.

No, I do not think that man (precinct judge at the polling place), wants you to trim the hair in his ears with your laser (penlight).

Please do not save the poop in the potty so I can see how big it is.

No you can not feed the baby in my tummy by putting goldfish in my bellybutton.


----------



## Mittsy (Dec 29, 2009)

"How in the hell did you fit this bean all the way up your nose?!"

"STOP playing with my nipple!!"- To DS(3.5) who is still nursing, and thinks my boobs are his lovie.


----------



## ladyelmo1 (Aug 23, 2003)

Your baby sister is NOT a TOY. Please do not treat her like one!


----------



## 2goingon2 (Feb 8, 2007)

All of these had me laughing. Ah...toddlers.

Some of mine are:

No, we don't wipe boogers on the furniture.
Please get your finger out of your bum.
No, I don't want to smell it.
Quit pulling on your brother's penis...you have your own.

And...quit tea-bagging your father. Actually we didn't say that but that's what happened. Our 3 year old and 21 month old were running around naked after bath time and when Daddy got down on the floor to play with them...the 3 year old promptly climbed on his head and pushed his penis and scrotum on him. We laughed for a good 5 minutes which only encouraged more pouncing and fits of giggles from both little boys.

Good times....!!!


----------



## earthgirl (Feb 6, 2006)

Don't put the bear in your pants.


----------



## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

Please stop swallowing pennies. Yes, I know you've never done it before but it's not really something to try.

Please stop stretching your penis like that, you're making daddy squirm.

No, I'm not kissing your butt. Yes, I know you hurt it but I do not kiss parts that are covered by your underwear.

Following a truly disgusted look on then toddler's face: Yes, poop tastes bad, please don't try and push it back into your diaper again, kay.


----------



## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

To my teens and pre-teens:

"Please take a shower. Make sure you use soap and shampoo."


----------



## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
Seriously? I cannot believe my kid is a booger eater.









They do outgrow this but it might take a year in school before it happens!


----------



## jeslynn (Jul 23, 2010)

No you cannot use my bra to carry your dinosaurs around.

Please get your mouth off the ground.


----------



## verde (Feb 11, 2007)

Don't slam the door on the dog's tail. No, he doesn't think it's funny.


----------



## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

DS got a toy boat set for Christmas that came with a miature life preserver

"please don't put your penis through the life preserver"

and then just tonight, we had a conversation that involved me saying

"no. boogers are not for dinner."


----------



## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
"Do not pick your nose, and really dont eat it!"

Seriously? I cannot believe my kid is a booger eater.

















It could be worse. Here's a frequent one at our house....

"Please STOP trying to eat my/Jason's toenails!"

uke Yes, my 7 year old has a habit of trying to bite our toenails if we aren't wearing socks. I throw up a little each time I see it happening


----------



## 3 little birds (Nov 19, 2001)

"Boys, please put the knives away." (swordfight)

"Please stop kissing my bottom"-to 3 year old who got a favorable response when he kissed my pregnant belly,then moved on to other parts.

"Take the snake back outside."

"No, you may not ride on top of the van."


----------



## Pavlovs (Dec 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2goingon2* 

And...quit tea-bagging your father. Actually we didn't say that but that's what happened. Our 3 year old and 21 month old were running around naked after bath time and when Daddy got down on the floor to play with them...the 3 year old promptly climbed on his head and pushed his penis and scrotum on him. We laughed for a good 5 minutes which only encouraged more pouncing and fits of giggles from both little boys.

Good times....!!!

OMG I was already laughing at this thread, but yours takes the cake. I've got tears running down my eyes now!


----------



## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pavlovs* 
OMG I was already laughing at this thread, but yours takes the cake. I've got tears running down my eyes now!









Along these lines:

"Stop trying to push your penis on Grandma!"

We haven't exactly been real honest about the *other* use for penises (besides peeing) so I have no idea how he figured out that pushing it on people was a good idea


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Mommies underwear are NOT a necklace. (someone got into the DIRTY clothes hamper.







He will not be happy if I share this when hes a teenager)


----------



## babydanielsmom (Jan 18, 2008)

DO NOT try to put your dirty toes in the baby's mouth again. No it doesn't matter that it makes him laugh

Oh, and PLEASE in the middle of a store do not yell "MOM I HAD BUTT THUNDER" !! ( that's Ds1 calls a fart)


----------



## 3xMama (Oct 14, 2010)

These are great!

The only one I can think of at the moment is: My bra is not a hat, please take it off.

I know there are more, though!


----------



## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

"Don't pee on the dog, again"
"Don't pee in the cat box" (that was my girl ?!)
"I know I won't let you put stuff in your ear, but don't put it in your brother's either. While, we're at it; nothing in your sister's ear, the dog's ear or the cat's ear"


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

"Please don't touch my mouth after your hands have been all over your penis. Nobody wants penis-hands."

"Don't rub your toilet-hands all over Mommy."

"Don't sit on Mommy's face when you're naked."


----------



## Belia (Dec 22, 2007)

"We wear pants when we're outside."

That was during our town's Halloween parade. He had already taken off the top of his costume.


----------



## WifeMomChiro (Jul 28, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belia* 
"We wear pants when we're outside."

I've had to say that a time or two.

"Please don't drink the bath water. Your butt is in that water. It's butt water."


----------



## Mittsy (Dec 29, 2009)

"Please clean your face first THEN your genitals(to ds), not the other way around!"


----------



## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

"No, you may not mop the windows!!"


----------



## Thyme Mama (Sep 27, 2010)

"No you cannot lock yourself in the dog pen outside while naked and scream 'help me!'."

yep, that's my girl


----------



## Thyme Mama (Sep 27, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anj_rn* 
No, I do not think that man (precinct judge at the polling place), wants you to trim the hair in his ears with your laser (penlight).











this one's the best!

from my 4 yo dd: "why do old people look like monsters?"


----------



## 3xMama (Oct 14, 2010)

We don't talk about the cat licking her butt while we eat dinner....


----------



## mum4vr (Jan 31, 2007)

our biggest shocker that I NEVER ever imagined, I'd have to say, "Please, please put that book down and DO something."

We don't lick eyeballs.

Son, you can't hold a stick the size of a pencil in one hand while chopping at it with a hatchet in the other! (on the way to ER to have thumb reattached)

We don't "rope" PEOPLE! (think lasso)

(teacher to student, not parent to child, but) Your hands on her thighs is a NO!

But the puppy can't breathe!

Can you say "salmonella"? (eating w unwashed lizard-holding hands)


----------



## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Please stop touching Peppers ( our dog) penis.... I dont care if he likes it

Shoes AND clothes are required to leave the house

If your brother isnt bleeding leave him alone he will stop crying

Put the poo back in the potty I dont want to see it


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mittsy* 
"Please clean your face first THEN your genitals(to ds), not the other way around!"

I had to tell my husband this when he first started taking the kids into the shower with him.







DUH!!!! You clean everything ELSE on their bodies first, THEN their butts.


----------



## Greenmama2 (Jul 24, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thyme Mama* 
"No you cannot lock yourself in the dog pen outside while naked and scream 'help me!'."

yep, that's my girl









LOL DD did that a few times with the outdoor guinea pig run when she was 3. Since our yard is visible from the street I was a little concerned about a knock on the door


----------



## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

"No you may not pee in the garbage can. I don't care if it's right next to the toilet, it doesn't count."


----------



## jeslynn (Jul 23, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeanine123* 
"No you may not pee in the garbage can. I don't care if it's right next to the toilet, it doesn't count."










Oh man. My mom was out with my son one day and he had to pee so bad that she pulled over and let him pee in the parking lot. Now he asks whenever we're out and he has to go.














Side note, but, you reminded me of it.


----------



## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

You cannot spin the cat by the tail! (when dd was 4 and we adopted a new kitten, I told her he needed a bath before she played with him. A few minutes later, I look outside and see her dipping and swishing around what appeared to be one of her cat beanie babies in a mud puddle. Then she pulled it out and was spinning it. I realized fluffy was not in the house and started screaming and ran out to rescue poor kitty.)

Please stop sticking things up your nose, like popcorn kernals.

Explaining to the ER doctor why she has superglue up her nose. Only to find out that the reason he is laughing so hard is his close in age little girl did the same exact thing the week before, LOL.

Well, honey, no, I really do not think you got your first period....(I was saying this to my 7 or 8 yr old son)

You CANNOT bungy cord jump off the balcony in our house with some twine tied around your waist! You won't bounce back up!

Those are just a few....


----------



## newbiemama09 (Dec 17, 2009)

my 18 mo old loves to toutre the cat, so often i say things throughout the day such as,

"do not jump on the cat"

"please don't pull the cat's tail"

"gentle touches, the kitty does not like to be slapped"

and, of course, "do not pick up the cat poop!!"


----------



## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

-The dog is NOT a horsie! (As my 20 month old tried to ride on our 14 lb dog)

-NO!!! Don't eat the tick! It's not a jellybean!! (gross. It happened last easter. The older kids were eating jellybeans and the baby didn't have any. She was so happy when she found this grey jelly bean shaped thing on the floor and I caught her as she almost put it in her mouth. Knowing she didn't have a jellybean, I ran over to see what it was...it was a bloated tick that had fallen off the dog. OMG, I about puked.)

-Really, child, you're not a dog so stop eating like one. (to the 6 year old who apparently would rather eat like a dog than a person.)

-That is NOT a potty chair!!

And on that note...

-Please get your snack out of the potty chair!!! BEFORE you sit on it!


----------



## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Oh, and of course "please don't lick your sister....she's not a popsicle!".


----------



## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

OMG! LMAO!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lisa1970*
> 
> Well, honey, no, I really do not think you got your first period....(I was saying this to my 7 or 8 yr old son)


----------



## Ravensong13 (Sep 28, 2009)

To dd (2.5) ' We don't put things that have been in our vaginas on Mommy's nose. Actually, how about we just don't put things in our vaginas?'

This was when she was taking the jar opener gripper thing and rolling it up and trying to insert it and then asking if I'd wear it like a beak on my nose.


----------



## muldey (May 8, 2002)

The cat is NOT a tissue.(said to my 6yo niece yesterday)


----------



## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

do not lick the bottom of your shoes.


----------



## anne1140 (Apr 10, 2007)

At school with 5 and 6-year-olds:

No, I do not want to see your used tissue!

Spit the wood chip out...You ATE it?

Get the Cheerio out of your nose!

Please stop licking the table.

Please don't lick the bottom of your shoe.

Please don't chase other people around the bathroom with your pants down.

No, you may not pee into the urinal at the same time.

Why are you eating your paper?

You think the oral stuff is over by this age...well, it's not!

I'm sure I have more. These are just from this year.


----------



## fuzzylogic (Nov 3, 2010)

Don't sit on the refrigerator---22 month old daughter

the dog is NOT a stepstool---same daughter, same age

You are not a puppy. Get out of the whelping box!...son, age 3

I don't care if the dog is out on the roof. You can't go there too!...old house, I had a german shepherd that would go out onto the porch roof. Kid wanted to follow.

You have boobs, you have to wear a shirt.

I can't wait til they have children.


----------



## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

Yesterday I caught myself telling my 2 year old to get her hand out of her sisters butt.. I said it, stopped and laughed. My girls gave me the weirdest looks.


----------



## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

This morning: No, I am NOT a "single mother." Your father is on a business trip. Who let you watch daytime TV?


----------



## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

"You can't walk through the hotel stark naked. Please pull your swimsuit up, the whole world doesn't need to see your dupa."


----------



## minxin (Mar 9, 2003)

These are all hilarious! We've moved on to "No you can't have a death ray/doomsday device/flux capacitor in the house!"

"No, not even if you wear goggles."

"No, not even in the yard, the neighbors won't like it either."


----------



## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

As I was reading this thread, I said "Your doctor set is for Dolly, not for the baby. Please stop giving the baby shots."


----------



## nmb (May 15, 2006)

Don't lick the dog's (tail, ear, foot, eye....)

No, we don't eat stuff out of the dog's mouth.

Don't climb on the laundry basket when it's on daddy's head.

No, you can't play dodge ball while you're climbing trees. One or the other.


----------

