# Should I expect a visit from CPS?



## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

yesterday, while I was bedridden with the flu and a migraine, my 19 month old managed to open the front door and escape. Some maintenance guys (two) found her at the bus stop 1 block away (within our apartments) and came to the door. They asked if my little one was missing- which is when I took off running (in jammies, dizzy from my fever) to grab her.

I still can't believe this happened! After she was back home, we cuddled while I cried







Also, FWIW, she was only gone for about 5 min- my eight year old was watching her, but left her in the livingroom while she went to the bathroom.

So, do you think I should expect a visit/call from CPS? I didn't think so- and I figured if they did check on us they would've done it by now. My husband, on the other hand, thinks that they may still get involved and that this is possibly enough reason to take our kids (paired with the fact that the sink is full of dishes/laundry not done- even though those things are normally taken care of, and me being sick has made cleaning near impossible.)

Anyway, I'm kinda panicky about this, and just wanted some opinions (and maybe a few "oh, you wouldn't believe what MY little one did" stories







) to help me feel better (or worse?).

Thanks..


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I don't think you need to worry about it. Most people don't go around calling CPS every time something like this happens - so chances are, no one reported you. If your DH is overly worried, I would suggest he clean the place up really well while you rest.

Hope you feel better soon







and maybe get a lock up high on your door? Even when we lived in an apartment we were able to install a simple chain lock that makes it harder for LO's to escape.

eta: and yes, something similar has happened to me - when we lived in an apt complex and my 3rd child was a toddler - he got out almost all the way to the parking lot w/o us noticing







our kid neighbor luckily saw him and brought him back. realllllly scared the poo out of me, but there was no point in beating myself up over it.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

My guess would be that the maintenence guys didn't even contact any authorities- they got the baby home safely within a few minutes, and they would have had no reason to call the police (who would call CPS if they felt it was needed).

However, if this kind of thing happens repeatedly, and you take no steps to prevent the baby from getting out the front door, somebody just might call CPS (and CPS will be more likely to "do something" if this is the case.) You need to secure the front door somehow to keep your toddler from getting out by herself- a high lock is a good idea.


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

I agree with Drummer's Wife, I doubt they called. I also agree about putting a lock high up, we had to do that with our 2yo. who kept getting out to go to grandma's next door without asking.

OTOH, if they do happen to show up you DO NOT have to let them in without a warrant. The 4th amendment gives you legal protection against them just walking in and taking your child.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

we actually have a high lock- but I was so out of it that I forgot to do the latch









Trust me though, it has been very secure since this happened, lol!

also, husband is in his first year of law school and isn't really available at all.. He leaves as the rest of us are waking up and we don't see him until bedtime- and then he stays up doing homework for 1-2 hours







I wish I could ask him for some help.. especially when I'm feeling so sick..


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

I am sorry that that happened, and that you are sick.

I just wanted to add that a messy house that involves CPS is when the child is in danger ie) fecal matter, broken things... definately not dishes and laundry.

Hope you feel better soon,
-Melanie


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Try not to dwell to much on it and make sure to keep your house super secure. Not just when you are sick, but whenever you have to turn your back. I am one of those super dooper freaky paranoid mamas that just imagines the WORST possible things happening, and try to avoid it at all costs. So when my Toddler started being able to not only turn the knob lock, but the DEADBOLT as well, I got one of those knob covers, and I got one for my moms house too. perhaps that could work too.

Although I work my arse off to prevent those sort of things from happening, I am also very aware that it happens to EVERYONE, and someday, I will be right here, posting about it and looking for words of comfort from mamas who have been there.

The fact that you were so sick over it shows what an awsome mama you are. I was bedridden with a debilitating migraine last weekend. I know that you couldnt even think about anything but the pain. I am surprised you had the energy to answer the door.


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## MammaG (Apr 9, 2009)

My youngest let himself out at my family's summer house when he was 2. DH had left to go to the coffee shop and I forgot to latch the high latch after him. I was doing the dishes, then remembered that DS had taken off his diaper (we were potty training and let him go au natural in the summer), and couldn't remember if I'd put a new one on him.

When I went to look for him, he was just gone. I ran all over the house, shouting for him, and then looked out the back door at the ocean and my stomach lurched. I called 911 immediately. ODS kept looking inside and I ran down to the shore to look there.

As DH and the police showed up, here comes DS, trotting down the (small, private) road in nothing but a diaper and rain boots, happy as a clam. No idea where he had been. It had been about 10 minutes since I noticed him gone and I was steely-eyed fine until I saw him again and then I got absolutely hysterical with relief.....cop suggested a stiff whiskey...it was before 10AM!

If I didn't get a CPS call, you certainly won't!


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

thank you so much for the replies.. I can't even imagine how scared you must have been, Mamma G! I mean- I know the feeling but to know that there is WATER nearby and that you are in a somewhat unfamiliar place, terrifying..

Soren actually crossed the street to get to the bus stop and she was sitting happily waiting when I showed up









The bus happened by about 45 seconds later too- can't even imagine what would have happened if I didn't snag her- I'm sure she would've _tried_ to get on









Seriously though- I WILL look back and LMAO someday.. (as long as CPS stays away!)


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

I have heard two sayings:

1.) there is a seperate God for Children.

2.) God watches out for those who aren't being watched at the moment.

I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier! DS1 was about 21 months old. I was at an aunts house with my mom and cousins. She lives kinda out there, but on a road that people FLY on. My mother, Cousin2, DS2 and DS1 and I are in the house while Aunt and Cousin1 are outside on the deck working on something. DS1 goes out the front door. Now, knowing Aunt and cousin1 are out there, I do the "I am sure they saw him come out" thing in my head. About a minute goes by, and I just get this sudden feeling that I should check to make sure they saw him come out. I go outside, THEY HAD NO IDEA HE CAME OUTSIDE! There I am, SPRINTING towards the road with my infant in my arms SCREAMING "CHARLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lord I havent been more terrified in my life. When I tell you people travel on that road at 50 EASY, right past her house. Thankfully, he was on the other side of the house, trying to get up the stairs of her other porch.

MammaG's post made me suddenly remember this story.


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## KweenKrunch (Jul 25, 2009)

I really can't imagine. How awful.


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

Since your husband is newly in law school, he's probably having a similar syndrome happen that happens to people in school for healthcare related fields. What you learn about, you think you have (always fun in the STD classes! terrifying in the cancer classes). So he sees everything in terms of authority etc right now, just b/c of what he's learning. (my SIL is a lawyer and went through law school several years after college, I saw it happen with her, too)

I wouldn't worry.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I doubt you'll have any trouble with CPS.

Also, didn't you just move there? I think these kind of things are common when you move, because everything is so new and your brain is just so overstimulated that you miss things here and there.

We moved when my 3rd was about 5 months old and I let him fall of the couch twice in one day. Fortunately, he was tough, but I don't know why I kept setting him down on there. My brain was just on the fritz!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

The only time I've ever seen CPS called for a runaway toddler was with my sister. My nephew got out (he was napping, got up and dragged a stool to the door, undid the deadbolt and slipped out...my sister was in the kitchen, doing dishes, and didn't hear anything over running water) and a woman saw him in the street. He ran back inside and she followed him. My sister answered the door in a tank top - and my sister has about half a "vest" of tattoos. Apparently, her appearance rubbed the woman (as my sister describes her, she was one of those _really_ self-righteous, holier-than-thou types) the wrong way, and she didn't like my sister's "attitude". So, she called CPS. The house was a mess (my nephew was a one child wrecking crew when he was little...books torn off the shelves, movies everywhere, etc.), but they asked about the incident, looked around, and that was that.

The same nephew got out a year or two later, when we were all sharing a house. He was spotted by some city workers down the street, and boogied back home fast (he was happy to wander around by himself, but not when strange people were calling him!). He was 3 then. They knocked on the door, and asked if "a little boy with one boot and a diaper" had come in. My sister talked to them, and they left. No incident report. _Most_ people do understand that little kids can get past even vigilant parents. Plus, if you're running a fever, it may even be visible (you know, that flushed, shiny-eyed, weird look people get sometimes). I can't imagine these guys calling CPS because a sick mom lost track of her child for a couple minutes.


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## ghostlykisses (Sep 27, 2007)

They could show up but I am sure if the workers who found your child could see you were sick they would not call on you. Just to be safe you might want to do your best to pick up the house. If you can not get to washing the dishes right away stash them in the oven until you can. Make sure whatever can be seen from the entry is clean and neat. All a social worker has to do is write "sinkful of dirty dishes and full trashcan" or something like that on a report and that can be changed easily into "filthy house". I have dealth with them before and I am sorry to say they are a dirty organization (sorry no offense to anyone who disagrees) and they will do what they can to get more cases so their job is secure! If they do come do not let them in. Step outside alone (be sure you can see your kids so they can't hold that against you) and speak with them. Explain that you were sick and you have taken measures to ensure your child will NEVER get out again. Try not to mention you were sleeping and your 8yo was watching. Give as little info as possible!

My son got out once and I did not know it. He almost was hit by a truck and would have been if a kind stranger had not stopped and flagged down the truck so it slowed down and had time to swerve around my son. My boy walked away with only a scratch on his hand where he reached his hand out toward the truck!!! Let me tell you my husband and I cried and cried. We called and got relatives to come out and install locks and a fenced in area. Our house was like a fortress! I am lucky no one reported us. But what could we do, we were sitting right there and he just slipped out! Kids can be sneaky and quiet.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

Did you mention to the workers that you're sick? I'm sure most people in that situation would not report you. It happens to a lot of people!

My younger brother was a little houdini and used to sneak outside when he was 3 or 4, grab his tricycle, and head off down the street on an adventure. I still remember my mom panicking and racing off after him when we realized he was gone--it happened more than once, and each time he was an entire block away before someone stopped him and we found him. My parents installed a lock at the top of the door and used it all the time during the day, so she knew he couldn't reach it and get out the door alone. My house has one, and when I'm sick or dozing off on the couch, I fasten that upper lock. Just in case. Maybe it will make you feel better if you get one of those or start using it if you already have one.







Hope you're feeling better, mama!


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Read your first post and skimmed the replies, sorry if any of this is repetitive:

I know a lot about CPS and yes, that is the kind of incident that if anyone did call it in, they would usually investigate. And, honestly, they should, because even though it's understandable how it happened in your case, a 19 month old out on the street alone is not ok. But that said, given what happened in your case, I doubt they'd get involved much beyond that, unless they felt like you were overwhelmed or something and even then it would not at ALL rise to the level of removing your kids if that's all that was going on.

Mainly though, if you haven't heard from them by now, they're probably not coming. And it sounds like you've rectified the situation and you will probably never let your older child leave the baby alone again (does your older child understand that if she's watching the baby in an emergency she should take the baby wherever she goes?, like the bathroom?), and will always lock the lock, so you probably don't need to worry.

But I was also concerned that it sounds like you feel like you have little to no support in general. Did you talk to your husband about you two having a plan for next time you're sick? I'm a lawyer so I've been through law school and I know that no matter how stressful and all-encompassing it is, you can find time for emergencies and a sick partner and kids is an emergency that you can plan around. Have you talked to him about what you guys can do differently next time you're sick? Do you have have family/friends who you can BOTH call on to help you at least for a few hours next time?

And help with the house - even the busiest med student or law student can commit to a weekend day or a half weekday to help you clean the house. Do laundry or he can watch the kids while you clean, maybe take them out of the house so you can realyl get to work.

Have you talked to him about things like that, so it doesn't all fall on you?


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Even though your stories are making me tear up, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has 'let' a lo break free..

I did do the dishes yesterday (while I was burning up) and again this morning, and I did all of our general cleaning (putting toys where they go, making beds, putting clothes in baskets, et cetera..). I took the garbage out too, mostly because _I_ stress if isn't out at aleast 1x/day









I think our house is pretty good- I'm not one for having diapers lying around and old cups under the futon (I find sippys under all kinds of things, but I do regular walk thoughs to pick up- for ants and my sanity..).

I think that milkybean is onto something too.. DH was actually briefing cases reguarding social security and child welfare, so yeah..

And I definetely look(ed) sick







I had sweat dripping down my head and I was crazy pale yesterday.. I probably looked kinda like a crackhead too







(but don't tell _them_ I said that).

btw, I love the babies in boot(s) stories! Soren had a sposie on- 8 yr old found a pullup







- no shoes and a yellow, musical bus... guessing that's what gave her the idea to go _catch_ a bus..







more about it now, as time goes by..


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LROM* 
Read your first post and skimmed the replies, sorry if any of this is repetitive:

I know a lot about CPS and yes, that is the kind of incident that if anyone did call it in, they would usually investigate. And, honestly, they should, because even though it's understandable how it happened in your case, a 19 month old out on the street alone is not ok. But that said, given what happened in your case, I doubt they'd get involved much beyond that, unless they felt like you were overwhelmed or something and even then it would not at ALL rise to the level of removing your kids if that's all that was going on.

Mainly though, if you haven't heard from them by now, they're probably not coming. And it sounds like you've rectified the situation and you will probably never let your older child leave the baby alone again (does your older child understand that if she's watching the baby in an emergency she should take the baby wherever she goes?, like the bathroom?), and will always lock the lock, so you probably don't need to worry.

But I was also concerned that it sounds like you feel like you have little to no support in general. Did you talk to your husband about you two having a plan for next time you're sick? I'm a lawyer so I've been through law school and I know that no matter how stressful and all-encompassing it is, you can find time for emergencies and a sick partner and kids is an emergency that you can plan around. Have you talked to him about what you guys can do differently next time you're sick? Do you have have family/friends who you can BOTH call on to help you at least for a few hours next time?

And help with the house - even the busiest med student or law student can commit to a weekend day or a half weekday to help you clean the house. Do laundry or he can watch the kids while you clean, maybe take them out of the house so you can realyl get to work.

Have you talked to him about things like that, so it doesn't all fall on you?

you know, I think that they should investigate things like this too, I'm just hoping I wasn't reported since I don't really have the time to worry about this (though- I've enjoyed being sick enough to ignore my 'projects', but not too sick to be typing.. first 'break' I've had in a long time).

which brings me to your concern about me not having support.. which I don't have. We just moved here, many states away from our family/friends, and we really don't have anyone to call. I would love for my partner to be here more but he says that he has NO time.. The free time that he does have, he has spent with other law students (which is going to be saved for another thread down the road







). I do manage to get things done (we homeschool too) but I can see how I look overwhelmed









I usually do well with everything on my plate, but def not during the 1x/year that I get sick.. (I most likely have H1N1, since it's all over our area right now).

My oldest usually is in charge of 'playing' when I'm cleaning- and still able to 'see' them, so this is prolly the first time I've had her actually _watch_ the baby. She sees me go to the bathroom without dd3 often, so I don't think she did anything wrong. Neither of us had any idea that Soren could actually open the door







(I'll have them in the room _with_ me next time I need a nap though...).

So, I doubt they're coming at this point- but at least I learned a couple of really good lessons out of this... Soren's CRAFTY! and latches only work if they're latched


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## Mandynee22 (Nov 20, 2006)

It's pretty unlikely they'd take the kids and IMO- it's unlikely that the maintenance guys will even call. They aren't mandated anyway and they're men- if I had to guess, I'd say men calling about stuff like that is rare.
Plus, stuff like this has happened to quite a few parents, maybe even to them. There was a thread like this a while back
Good luck- and get better soon!


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## Mandynee22 (Nov 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaG* 
My youngest let himself out at my family's summer house when he was 2. DH had left to go to the coffee shop and I forgot to latch the high latch after him. I was doing the dishes, then remembered that DS had taken off his diaper (we were potty training and let him go au natural in the summer), and couldn't remember if I'd put a new one on him.

When I went to look for him, he was just gone. I ran all over the house, shouting for him, and then looked out the back door at the ocean and my stomach lurched. I called 911 immediately. ODS kept looking inside and I ran down to the shore to look there.

As DH and the police showed up, here comes DS, trotting down the (small, private) road in nothing but a diaper and rain boots, happy as a clam. No idea where he had been. It had been about 10 minutes since I noticed him gone and I was steely-eyed fine until I saw him again and then I got absolutely hysterical with relief.....cop suggested a stiff whiskey...it was before 10AM!

If I didn't get a CPS call, you certainly won't!


LMAO. The same thing (almost) happened to us when DD was a tot. We were at my brother's, I was sleeping (it was like 5am) and she got out, in the winter, wearing a diaper and a neighbor came and knocked on the door holding her. This was also on a dirt road and my brother has a lakefront home. Yikes!
The nieghbor (a mother herself) didn't call anyone. But I sure am glad she was outside!


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mandynee22* 
They aren't mandated anyway

BTW,there is actually no way to know that. They might not be mandated as a result of their type of work, but in some locales, all residents are mandated reporters...or they could, for example, be foster parents or otherwise be mandated reporters for non-occupational reasons.


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## ians_mommy (Apr 5, 2008)

I wouldn't worry. I am sure these guys are parents and most parents try to extend compasion towards one another.

Here is my story:
About a month ago DH was out of town on business. My two dogs needed a potty break so I stepped onto the back porch with them (no fenced in yard) and closed the door behind me to keep bugs out and DS in (he was naked since we just ate dinner and were on our way to a bath). The door is all glass and DS (21 mo) was playing right inside with his cars. I turn my back to the door and a second or two later I hear "click". I turned aound in horror to see DS had locked me out!

I tried to encourage him to play with the lock more and let Mommy in, but he could see panic in my eyes and started sobbing. I ran all over the house and every stinking window was locked. I tried every garden tool I could to wedge open the door and even tried breaking a window.

Finally I ran next door to ask the gentleman who lived there to help me (we never met). He comes to my back porch to see a sweaty, barefoot woman pressed up to a glass door trying to calm her sobbing, NAKED child. He tried to break pen the door (no luck) and finally calls the fire department. At that point my son just laid down on the floor, curled up and sobed. I could not stand the site of him like that, grabbed a shovel, jammed it into the door frame and slammed with all 120lbs of me and broke through the door.

The neighboor just said "Wow!" and called the fire department to cancel.

CPS was never called although I am certain he thinks I am crazy.


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## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ians_mommy* 
Finally I ran next door to ask the gentleman who lived there to help me (we never met). He comes to my back porch to see a sweaty, barefoot woman pressed up to a glass door trying to calm her sobbing, NAKED child. He tried to break pen the door (no luck) and finally calls the fire department. At that point my son just laid down on the floor, curled up and sobed. I could not stand the site of him like that, grabbed a shovel, jammed it into the door frame and slammed with all 120lbs of me and broke through the door.

The neighboor just said "Wow!" and called the fire department to cancel.

CPS was never called although I am certain he thinks I am crazy.

Supermama! You go, girl ... show that blinkin' locked door who's boss!








Your story pulled my heartstrings (sobbing baby) and made me laugh (you breaking the door in) ...


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

Can I just say the thing that I think I shouldnt be saying????????? I am totally stereotyping here, but this is the gist I get from my hubby and how he reacts and all the things I have read here.

They were men right? I dont think men even know there is a CPS. I think they are easier on the whole screw up thing than women are.

K, I said it. I think it is the pink elephant.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I think your dh needs to STFU when you're sick. If he's really freaked out he can do the dishes, etc, himself.

My dh is the same way when he gets freaked out. Starts complaining to me about stuff I can't change and starts getting me freaked out. And you know what? He's been wrong nearly every time and the few times he was right it was only about a tenth as bad as he said it'd be.

If he started in on something like that while I had the flu, I'd tell him to shove it.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

at the bus toy and going to go see the bus. (also


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
Can I just say the thing that I think I shouldnt be saying????????? I am totally stereotyping here, but this is the gist I get from my hubby and how he reacts and all the things I have read here.

They were men right? I dont think men even know there is a CPS. I think they are easier on the whole screw up thing than women are.

K, I said it. I think it is the pink elephant.

LOL. You're probably right.

I personally do NOT think CPS should be called if a kid gets out of the house one single time. It's one of those things that happens to anybody. Tons of people in this country leave a child with one thirteen-year-old while they are at work! Three-year-olds have go-cart races on gravel roads! I mean sheesh. If CPS has time to investigate that... but not repeated reports of children looking emaciated, starving to death, then I think people who call in every naked toddler should think about the resources they are using up. I mean really.

OP, I hope they don't call CPS. I also hope you can get some support, although frankly, an eight-year-old watching a toddler in a family room with a lock while sick mom rests and dad is in law school doesn't sound like an end-of-the-world situation to me. I mean hard for you but kids have been through hella worse.


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## innle (Mar 16, 2007)

That must have been scary, but I'm very glad that everyone is OK and that nothing happened!

As for BTDT stories, um, I did it.







Took myself off out the front door when my grandpa and dad were watching me (and Dad has not heard the end of that one and it's been more than 20 years). I wanted to go to the shops, because Mum was at the shops, and no one would take me so I took myself!

I got halfway there before realising that I was lost and then I got upset and apparently sat on the side of the road crying. Luckily a neighbour walked by then and found me and took me home, where everyone was in a state of panic searching for me (Mum had just arrived home).


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## lovebug (Nov 2, 2004)

OMG! i bet your heart was in your stomach!

ok so here is my story...

my Aunt, my cousin and i were at the mall. my cousin was 2ish and he use to always hide under the racks and such. well my aunt and i were looking around we turned to find him NO WHERE!!!! i started to look under ALL the racks and she is running around frantic!!!! as we dart over to the nearest cash register to report him missing we hear the "if a mother has lost a small boy please report to the customer service center" announcement over the loud speaker.

we go to customer service to find him wrapped in a mens dress coat. a women working in the mens suit department found him. he had managed to get naked (so like him at 2 he LOVED to be nakkie as he would say!!!!) and she had to wrap him in a coat to take him to customer service. i remember my aunt sobbing and all my cousin said is " look mommy i am nakkie" "I's took my's cloths off all by myself are you proud"







is was soooo not cute right there and then, but now i look back and LMAO!!!!

but my poor aunt was the same way... i could tell she was heart broken!!! but it all worked out and now we have a funny butt story to tell!!!!


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I think that if CPS had been called, they would have come out already.

My youngest got out right before his 2nd birthday. It was during Christmas break, all 4 kids were home, and I was putting away clothes in my bedroom, and the kids were watching TV in the livingroom. I came out and the door was wide open and no Youngest. The other kids didn't see him leave. I went out and didn't see him. I screamed his name. No Youngest. I told Oldest to get on his bike and look for the baby and I called 911.

Oldest came back and told me that Youngest was on the next block, and two ladies were bringing him back. They found him playing in a mud puddle, in his onesie, happy as a clam. I thanked the ladies profusely, while they blessed me out for him getting out. I was so grateful, I didn't complain. The cops showed up, within 5 minutes and thankfully, they did not call CPS. The one officer told me that he would not call CPS because I didn't have a record of my kids getting out and that he felt I had been through enough. I still went on a cleaning frenzy and watched my door for a few days. We also had a slide lock installed immediately at the top of the door.

It happens.

One other thing. I completed my college degree last Fall. I still managed to clean the house and care for my kids. My cousin just completed her PhD and still cared for her two kids and her home, and even held down a job. Your S.O. may be busy, but you are sick. Surely he can manage a couple of hours to clean up the house. I cannot believe that he has absolutely no time whatsoever. Not to be mean, but I think it seems awfully entitlement-minded or like a cop-out. I wonder how he would like it if he were sick and you had no time for him?


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

CPS probably would have checked in with you if they were coming. Tell your husband to do the dishes and the laundry. You are sick and husbands should have compassion and love for their wives, especially when they are sick. If he isn't even willing to help out once a year when you are sick you need to re-think spending the rest of your life tied to him. School is stressful, but many single mom's go to school, work, and keep their kids clean and well fed. It isn't to much to ask that he does this for a few days while you recover.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

_**long rant removed since this probably isn't the time or place**_

There may be a thread in PaP soon, though









(besides, it's not like I have man-flu or anything







)


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
(besides, it's not like I have man-flu or anything







)











BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Sorry. Totally OT, I know. But that's just so... true!


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## vermontmomma (May 29, 2009)

it happens at this age i guess. my dh did this when he was about 18 mo/2 yrs old. early one morning he got up and decided he wanted to see the trains down the road so off he went. he was found walking down the sidewalk and brought back. no actions were taken against his family.


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## peachopotamus (Feb 18, 2009)

Something sort of similar happened to me. DD, 4, opened the front door without me knowing and let DS who has just learned to walk out and we live in a second floor apartment! I ran from the laundry room and caught him right before he went down the stairs.

I think the people who found your little one saw your worry and concern and see what happened as a mistake and wouldn't call CPS on you.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

My ds escaped more than once over the course of a few days when we first moved to our old house. I didn't have internet so I had to sit in the doorway of the back laundry room (which opened onto the backyard) in order to pick up a signal. I would sit there while ds palyed a few feet from me in the yard. Once I stepped inside the hosue to get my phone and called him to come with me. He was right behind me, grabbing at my legs as I opened the closet door to get the dharger. Then I disengaged him from my legs so I step inside to get teh charger, and when I pulled my head back out, he was nowhere to be seen! I ran out the back door calling him, but he didn't answer, so I headed in the direction of the mailbox/sideyard where he liked to go. Turned out he had gone the other direction looking for our neighbor's puppy. By the time I found him he was three houses down, calling out for the puppy and completely unconcerned.

The worst part? It was a super hot day and he was playing with the water hose, so all he had on was swim trunks, which he apparently slipped off and left in the niehgbor's birdbath. When I found him he was completely naked. It was only about 5 minutes if that before I caught up to him (and it would have been sooner if I started looking in the right direction) but boy was that terrifying. I had visions of him eating dog poop, running into the street or worse.


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

I've been through this too many times to count with more than one child.

The police have even been to see me after my neighbor (who is the one who called the police) tried to "catch" my daughter







when she decided to go on a walkabout. (My little girl has been taught to NEVER talk to strangers and to get away as fast as she can if someone she doesn't know tries to approach her.) They also showed up when one of them was sitting out by the mail box waiting on the mail. A "well-meaning" individual decided to make that call. My oldest son when he was 3 would get a chair and unlock all the locks on the door and disapear at 6 am in the morning to walk across our apartment complex to our neighbors place. Just recently they were in to dialing 911 after my DH put in a new phone. I had a real nice visit with the police that day, and they did it again twice after that. We're almost on a first name basis with the poilce now.









Maybe there is a perfect mom or two out there who would be absolutely horrified and think you were the worst mom ever but it's not me. There's no way that i'm pointing a finger but i will give you a hug and kiss to tell you it's not the worst thing your child will ever do....I promise.

Lots of children try to "make a break for it" once in a while...no big deal. Just make sure they always want to come back home.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
which brings me to your concern about me not having support.. which I don't have. We just moved here, many states away from our family/friends, and we really don't have anyone to call. I would love for my partner to be here more but he says that he has NO time.. The free time that he does have, he has spent with other law students (which is going to be saved for another thread down the road







). I do manage to get things done (we homeschool too) but I can see how I look overwhelmed









I usually do well with everything on my plate, but def not during the 1x/year that I get sick.. (I most likely have H1N1, since it's all over our area right now).


Hi again OP, you didn't really say anything about whether you'd ever talk to your DH about having a plan next time you are sick. And it *still* sounds to me like he is unexplainably unhelpful/unavailable to help, which like I said I don't understand because I've been a law student and in emergencies there is always a way to accomodate school and your family if you have to.

You don't have to address this if you don't want to, but I just want to remind you again that you DO have the right to sit DH down and say "Ok, this didn't work well, and we need to figure out how you can help more with our child."

In my experience when DH's say they're too busy because of school/work/whatever, it never ends, even if that activity ends. If your DH is too busy to help you now while he's in school, what is it going to be like when he gets his first law job?

It's just not ok to not be there for your partner when they're sick unless you have a really excellent reason not to be able to be there. Your DH doesn't sound like he had that, and I'm still left wondering what your relationship with him is like and why you're not able to talk to him about this and try to work out something that will work for both of you...?

Whatever you do or don't do, I hope you're feeling much better and let's all be happy that CPS never showed up!


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Hey LROM









My issues with dh were my *deleted* rant









I can't get into it much right now, but I'll post something in PaP.. I will say though, that I threw a sarcastic comment his way (unlike me, but I've been feeling off due to being sick) and he caught on quickly- and became very defensive









We do need to talk- especially about him picking on me when it comes to ALL of our (i.e. my) household/child related 'duties'..

(he had the nerve to say, yesterday, "I picked up the bathroom, and that's all that I'm contributing today"







I would've appreciated it more if there was a mess or something, but there were, like, two pieces of tp in there and maybe a brush on the counter since I ALREADY CLEANED THE BATHROOM!..







)


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
BTW,there is actually no way to know that. They might not be mandated as a result of their type of work, but in some locales, all residents are mandated reporters...or they could, for example, be foster parents or otherwise be mandated reporters for non-occupational reasons.

I work at the local elementary school 4 1/2 hours a week, and I'm technically a mandated reporter.

That said, I am the parent of a couple of children who were/are runners as little ones, and I understand that the little monkeys can get away when you least expect it. I probably wouldn't report a situation like the OPs. IMO, no harm, no foul.

A couple of years ago, at the school, we had an incident where a 2 year old girl walked 3 blocks from her home up to the school, which required crossing 3 streets. One of the staff members found her wandering around the campus. The office manager happens to live in the neighborhood, and recognized the child, called her older brother (a first or second grader) up to office to keep his sister company, and called their mom. Their mother wasn't answering the phone, so the police were called, and one of the staff members drove down to the child's house and found Mom looking frantically. IIRC, nothing came of it, except that now that Mom knows that her younger kiddo knows the way to brother's school. LOL


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I'm glad no one was called on you, OP!

LOL, I think our former next door neighbor just maybe needed to change the time she picked to be super-occupied fixing dinner.

Because it seemed like a somewhat more-than-just-occasional occurance that some late afternoons we'd be out playing, and this totally nekkid little 3yo would come out and start walking around, never very far from home though -- usually just over into our yard. One time she had a whole bunch of poop all over her backside too, LOL.

It never even crossed my mind that I should call anyone, though. The child knew me, so was comfortable with me taking her by the hand and walking her back to her house and knocking on her door. Her parents were always grateful.

Your situation is much more understandable because of your illness.







With my old neighbors, I felt they were somewhat more lax than I would be comfortable with with my own kids, but their kids were obviously happy and loved. So I just walked her home if I was out there when it happened -- and if it happenend when someone else wasn't out there to notice, I imagine they noticed within a few minutes that she was missing, LOL.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

Mammal Mama in some ways I appreciate your lighthearted attitude to your neighbors, but in other ways it worries me that a child could wander over repeatedly naked, once with poop all over her backside, and no one would talk to her parents about it. I'm not saying that warrants calling CPS by itself, but even if the kids seem happy and loved, there is a level of neglect going on when your 3 yr old daughter can wander out of the house naked repeatedly and the parents don't do something about it.

Even though that little girl knew you and her parents knew you, we live in a world with a lot of sick people out there, and kids get snatched up from their own yards sometimes, never mind wandering naked to a neighbors house.

And what if you had a predator living in your house or visiting? You don't of course, but your neighbors don't know that for sure.

I would really hope that anyone in that situation would talk to the parents of the child and at least feel out where their heads are - do they really think it's not a problem? Are they not worried about where their child might one day walk to, even clothed, and especially naked, and what might happen to her? Then depending on how "with it" and attentive the parents seem, it might well eventually rise to the level of real neglect which is reportable for a reason: because kids can get really hurt by being neglected, even by seemingly loving parents. Maybe the parents just need a heads up and that's all... or maybe there are other issues. But that pattern sounds not ok.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
Can I just say the thing that I think I shouldnt be saying????????? I am totally stereotyping here, but this is the gist I get from my hubby and how he reacts and all the things I have read here.

They were men right? I dont think men even know there is a CPS. I think they are easier on the whole screw up thing than women are.

K, I said it. I think it is the pink elephant.

LOL speaking as a female....I wouldn't have called.

Sure if there was trash all over the yard and mama was unphased then yeah sure I would have called....but a distraught mommy who is clearly sick....I would hope a good samaritan would do the same for me.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

LROM, I guess I'm just aware that we all have different comfort-levels and different levels of trust in our fellow-man. I got the impression that the other mother had grown up in more of a close-knit-village kind of culture, and just felt pretty confident that the vast majority of people are kind and trustworthy -- and not abusers.

And in reality I think that's a more accurate picture of our human race -- yes horrid things do happen (though statistically much more rarely than we tend to believe), but sometimes I worry that dh and I, in our safety-consciousness, have given our oldest an exaggerated view of the dangerous world we live in.

I'm still not sure if we're doing it right. Our oldest is 9 and has started asking when we'll start letting her walk around the neighborhood by herself. But then we see open prostitution right here on our block sometimes, and we've previously had drug dealers living near us.

And so it seems like a greater-than-average chance, here, that if a young girl or even a boy is out walking alone, someone could kidnap them and, for instance, sell them to someone to get money for drugs, or something.

I don't know if there will ever be an age when I'll feel okay about her roaming the neighborhood by herself. We currently go for lots of walks together -- but she's feeling an urge to try her wings a bit.

And sometimes I wonder which is healthier -- our protectiveness, or the slight risk of letting her do a little independent roaming. On the one hand, I can't bring myself to let her go off alone, so there's no question of me actually taking the risk. I just can't.

I'm just saying that maybe she'd have a healthier childhood if I *could* -- if I somehow had a different comfort-level with all this. For now, she stretches her wings a bit by somtimes walking a little ahead of us when we are out walking. But I can tell she wants more.


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

If the maintenance guys routinely work in your area then I'm sure they would know if your child were constantly doing this type of thing. If it was a one time occurence I'm doubting they would call CPS.







I'm sure they understood. Thank goodness they did find your child and returned them safely.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I'm so sorry this happened, mama! What an awful feeling for you. Yes, these things happen to ALL of us, no matter how careful we are. I am the most paranoid mom I know, and listen what I did: I was backstage at my daughter's dance recital, and I was in a rush to get her costume change done in time for her to go onstage (we had about four minutes to change 3-year-olds from one complicated costume to another). I got her changed just before they lined up to go on, and I ran out into the auditorium to see her perform. I was making my way back to my seat beside my mom & my older son (halfway across the auditorium) when my mom said in a sort of panicky voice, "Where's Gavin?!" (my then 20-month-old) I had completely forgotten that I had taken him backstage with me to change DD. There were sooo many people backstage, too, and there were doors to the outside/busy parking lot, things he could have gotten hurt by, etc. I FLEW backstage, just knowing he would be gone, and there he was, standing exactly where I had put him down at least 7 or 8 minutes before! I felt like the worst mother in the world, and I just knew one of the dancers' mothers or dance teachers would call CPS on me, but it didn't happen.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. Chances are, those men didn't think nearly as much of it as you did.

I hope you feel better soon!


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## mammastar2 (Dec 17, 2004)

I've been through law school with kids, in fact I had another one in law school. It does not need to take up all of your available time, and if you have kids, you need to make sure it doesn't. Your partner needs to take care of academics, and he needs to be available as a partner and father. The extracurricular and social stuff is what can give.

I spent law school doing dishes, doing laundry, taking kids to the park, making school performances, and all the rest. Honestly, I had a lot more time then than I do now I'm working.

If your partner's needing morning to night to get everything done, he's doing something wrong and needs to come up with some better, more sustainable strategies. After first year law comes second year, after law school comes being a lawyer. His plan can't just be for you and his kids to exist in this separate little bubble for which he has no responsibility other than depositing his paycheck (once he starts getting one).


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

mama- with the backstage thing- wow! I could see myself losing it.. I'm a little on the paranoid side too (if you can't tell by now







) and I can honestly say that I'm sure my nerves would've been all over the place in that situation (not only with the toddler- but making sure your dd has everything she needs.)







for you...

Mammastar2, I keep hearing this over and over (that he should have more time) but he insists, over and over, that he does NOT- then he goes into how this and that needs to be cleaner, more organized, et cetera. And, yesterday, he got up, went to the school (to study, from what I knew), came home after three hours and let it slip that he was meeting up with _some_ people in his class (wouldn't tell me how many or who) and didn't get any work done







I asked him if this was for 'his' group (_part_ of school- they meet 1x/week to go over cases) and he said that it was something they "made up"..

I'm sooooo crazy frustrated though! I wish I had three hours to 'hang out'







followed by coming home complaining all night while I try to do the work that I should've done earlier.. and he didn't even clean the bathroom









(and this is when mods move my thread to PaP...







)


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## mammastar2 (Dec 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 

Mammastar2, I keep hearing this over and over (that he should have more time) but he insists, over and over, that he does NOT- then he goes into how this and that needs to be cleaner, more organized, et cetera. And, yesterday, he got up, went to the school (to study, from what I knew), came home after three hours and let it slip that he was meeting up with _some_ people in his class (wouldn't tell me how many or who) and didn't get any work done







I asked him if this was for 'his' group (_part_ of school- they meet 1x/week to go over cases) and he said that it was something they "made up"..

I'm sooooo crazy frustrated though! I wish I had three hours to 'hang out'







followed by coming home complaining all night while I try to do the work that I should've done earlier.. and he didn't even clean the bathroom









(and this is when mods move my thread to PaP...







)

Geez. Yeah, I totally didn't do study groups or hanging out on campus when I was in law school, because they were mostly a big waste of time. Probably you end up with all kinds of happy memories, but if you've got kids your priority needs to be getting the work done, and getting out of there. I'd be about ready to go on strike if I were you, even though that's probably not a very mature response.

Maybe you and some other mamas can get together a 'housework group' and hang out at a coffee shop all day talking about how hard the housework is, and asking each other whether anyone remembers if the sale at the grocery store starts Friday or Saturday? Don't actually check though. Then have another brownie, come home late, and announce you're totally wiped from meeting with your group and didn't even get anything done, grumble grumble. Finally, ask to see his notes from class that day, and flip out that he hasn't properly collated them yet. Tell him that you're sure he's about to be expelled for his negligent approach to note-taking, that you're way too busy to help him out, but that it'll be all his fault when it happens.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammastar2* 
Maybe you and some other mamas can get together a 'housework group' and hang out at a coffee shop all day talking about how hard the housework is, and asking each other whether anyone remembers if the sale at the grocery store starts Friday or Saturday? Don't actually check though. Then have another brownie, come home late, and announce you're totally wiped from meeting with your group and didn't even get anything done, grumble grumble. Finally, ask to see his notes from class that day, and flip out that he hasn't properly collated them yet. Tell him that you're sure he's about to be expelled for his negligent approach to note-taking, that you're way too busy to help him out, but that it'll be all his fault when it happens.




















OMG, I think I'll do it! I have a friend who stays home with 4 kids under 4 who would love it if I show up with brownies and grocery ads









(thank you.. you made me smile on a very annoying morning







)


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## freestylemama (Apr 8, 2009)

I think you should expect a visit. I haven't read all of the replies, but if I saw a baby at a bus stop I would call 911 and CPS without question. In fact, I've called 911 because of an unaccompanied toddler next to a busy road.

Hopefully CPS will be understanding that you were sick and not well and it will end okay for you.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *freestylemama* 
I think you should expect a visit. I haven't read all of the replies, but if I saw a baby at a bus stop I would call 911 and CPS without question. In fact, I've called 911 because of an unaccompanied toddler next to a busy road.

Hopefully CPS will be understanding that you were sick and not well and it will end okay for you.

Erm ... did you see the date of the OP? Would you really sit on the information for 3 DAYS and then suddenly call? THAT sounds helpful, LOL!

OP, I'm sure if someone had called you would have had a visit by now -- so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

ETA: freestyle mama, I just re-read your post and I see that you haven't read all the replies yet. So I can understand that you may not have noticed how much time has passed. I don't think the OP will be getting any kind of a visit over this.

But I'm just curious -- why would you call "no questions asked?" If there's a way for you to help the child get home, and you have an opportunity to meet the parent -- why would you jump the gun by calling CPS?

Would you even call CPS if, like the workers who brought the child home, you had the opportunity to learn that the mother was ill, and that this was just an isolated incident? If so, that's rather sad.


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## freestylemama (Apr 8, 2009)

I was a mandated reporter for a long time. I think that shaped the way I see things. If a kid is in trouble, I think their right to be safe and cared for trumps their parents right to make a mistake, if that makes sense.

ETA. Yes I would call 911if I saw a baby outside near traffic alone without parents. If I knew the OP and her situation, no I wouldn't. But if I just saw the kid and no parent in sight? Absolutely. How would I even know the parents if I just saw the kid? If I saw a neighbor kid out by itself and it was otherwise cared for I would take the kid home. If this happened more than once and there were other reasons to think the kid wasn't care for, I would call.

I know this is an unpopular view here at MDC.


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## Mama2 '05'06 (Mar 5, 2006)

Hugs! Early this summer my youngest just walked away while we were in the back yard. I didn't notice that he was gone right away and then I looked in the garage and the neighbors yard first b/c that's generally where he'd go. Nope. He was sitting on the curb out front watching the cars go by.







I got him back in the back yard and was hanging clothes on the line when the cops showed up. My ds jumped up and ran to the cop yelling "hi! hi! papa! papa!" and was trying to climb in the car and the cop was like "ok he's a wild one isn't he?!?" lol I said, yep and not scared of a thing. He said someone had called b/c they didn't see any adults near him while he was sitting on the curb. I said yeah, I was back here hanging clothes and weeding the garden and he ran off. I looked in his 'normal' escape places before I found him up front. It wasn't an issue he said. But...I installed fence posts and told dh that he and his dad were going to put up the fence I bought. I even got latches for the gates. At least *I* feel safer knowing that he can't really escape now!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *freestylemama* 
If I knew the OP and her situation, no I wouldn't.

That's all I was asking.









Quote:

But if I just saw the kid and no parent in sight? Absolutely. How would I even know the parents if I just saw the kid?
And of course that makes sense. If the child is not able to indicate where his home is, so the adult can take him home and see what is going on with the parents -- then obviously calling 911 is the only way of helping the child. I sure don't think anyone should just drive on when there's a baby standing alone by traffic.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

OMG MAMA! I feel so bad for you! My two year old ran away from me in Target once and the moment I lost site I was LITERALLY pooping my pants. I can't imagine how you felt.

I am neurotic about her constantly being in my sight so I have never lost her, really, but omg can I sympathize with you.

Sorry you are sick. I really doubt anyone reported you and if CPS comes, it was a mistake and most likely if oyur home is in order and you have never been reported previously it will be fine. Can you lock your doors from now on?? ((HUGS))


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