# Getting pregnant again after still birth.



## zaccai'smom (Sep 25, 2006)

: Hi this is my first post. I am a 25 year old engaged female who just had my first child 4 weeks ago who was still born. The doctors say he seem to have swallowed meconium (babys first poop) shortly before I got tothe hospital and died. When I got to the hospital there was no heart beat. I couldnt believe it. I still had to deliver him and everything. I wouldnt wish that pain on anyone. WE were sooo excited. Everyone knew about this boy and was soo happy for us. My mom was soo happy b/c I am her only child and this would have been her first biological grandchild. We had just brought a house with the help of my parents and finally moved in like 3 weeks befoer I went into labor and had rushed to make sure the nursery would be done in time. Now if feels so weird for him not to be here and for me tocome home without him. I want him here soo bad. My fiance really took it hard. We had just went to the doctor a day and a half before and everything was perfect. I wanted to try again right away, but I scared that I willbe so nervous that I will stress and have a miscarriage. Who has had a first born death and how did you deal with a second pregnancy and how soon did you get pregnant? A part of me wants to do it right away while I still feel pregnant and another part of me is scared and want to wait but Im scared if I wait too long that will stress me too.


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## egoldber (Nov 18, 2002)

I am very sorry for your loss.









Honestly, I would just give yourself time to grieve right now. Let yourself feel the full depth and breadth of that grief. As time goes by, you and your partner will know what is the right thing for you to do moving forward. be gentle with yourself.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Hi and I'm sorry you're here. I just went through this 4 months ago. While Alexis wasn't my firstborn, it hurt just as much. A whole lot. I agree with Egoldber, give yourself time to grieve. When to get pregnant is a decision you will have to make. Not everybodys ready at the same time. I am now pregnant w/#4. I knew we were ready when I quit being mad at the world and asking God day after day "Why did you do this?" For each person its different. I know that waiting a long time is stressful...I got so sick of looking at pregnant women in wal mart and every where I went or at a restaurant I'd see a couple with a new baby...I know the feeling.
My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

s I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't think there is any way to describe the pain of losing your child. It is normal to feel torn between getting pregnant right away, and never getting pregnant again. My daughter Arawyn was not my first child, and I know there are some different concerns, but there are many of the same feelings as well. I have to agree with the PP's. Give yourself some time to heal. Both emotionally and physically. Deciding when to get pregnant again is so hard, but at the least you want your body to be healed and healthy before jumping in. Emotionally is a whole different story. A very wise friend of mine told me that you know you are ready to try again when your desire for another child out weighs your fear of losing another baby. I decided I was ready at about 6 months out. It took another 11 months for me to concieve. In some ways I am glad about that. I got through that whole year of firsts without the added worry of being pregnant. For others though pregnancy is a healing time. I did want you to know that it is possible to go on to have a healthy baby after a stillbirth. My own rainbow baby is about to be 10 months old. But it is a scary time. I don't think any length of waiting will change that. I spent the first 20 wks praying that he would stick and the last 19 praying he wouldn't die. But it was so worth it, having him here now. For me, I knew I couldn't go through the rest of my life thinking what if. I had gotten to that place where I was ready to take the risk.


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## Tater25 (Mar 27, 2006)

zaccai's Mom-

I am so sorry that you have gone through this experience. My daughter was born stillborn in August. I was 39 weeks and she died from an umbilical cord accident. I totally understand what you are feeling right now. I am not sure how long to wait to start trying again. I think that I will always feel sad for the loss of my little Alyssa, so whether I start now or later, I am not sure it will make a big difference. I delivered Alyssa naturally, so my dr. said that we should wait 6 months to start trying again. 6 months seems like such a long time. Plus I would really like to have another August baby.


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## ApplePieBaby (Jun 15, 2006)

My 4th child, my first daughter, was stillborn 5 and a half years ago. I got pregnant again right away & miscarried. I didn't know I was pregnant til the miscarriage started... so it wasn't nearly as hard on me as it could have been. But it also made me realise I was ready to try again.


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## Angelsforever (Sep 26, 2006)

I just lost my dauther at 26 weeks due to a cord accident on 9/11/06.
My husband and I want to try right away....the void is so overbearing..I know every mother going thru the same thing understands...when is the right time? Only we know. I am so sorry about what you are feeling...I am right there with you It has only been a little over 2 weeks for me. I believe we are going to try in November. I can't wait more than that. I delivered a 1 pound 12oz baby so I can't understand why I would have to wait longer. My brother and I are 13 months apart. Listen to your heart and to your body that is what I am doing. Every day is hard and I am sure when we get pregnant again we will be so worried..have faith in God and positive thinking. I can always use someone to talk to also..I feel very alone







:


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## apcanadianmamma (Sep 30, 2004)

I lost my first born at 40 weeks 3 days. For me I had an incredible need to have another baby right away. My dr. told me I could try again after having one normal cycle. We ended up getting pregnant again 4 months after losing Joseph and my DD was born 13 months after him. I won't lie - it was a difficult pregnancy - I did constantly wonder if I would be "allowed" to bring a baby home finally. We got through it though and she is now 4 years old. Actually I will say my next pregnancy was more difficult because we knew he was a boy and I was scared that because he was a boy he would die.

((HUGS)) to you....ultimately you have to do what is best for you. I know I had a lot of people tell me to wait but I just couldn't - and I don't regret my decision at all.


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## Tater25 (Mar 27, 2006)

Angelsforever-

Please don't feel lonely. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. There is such a wonderful support group here, I think it is safe to let it all out. Hang in there, I am sure it will get better for all of us.


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## rou16151 (Jun 22, 2006)

I lost my firstborn at 39 weeks. Before I left the hospital, I asked the doctor when I could try again. She told me after 2 normal cycles, well it took 9 1/2 weeks for my period to return. We tried on the first cycle back and didn't get pregnant, tried again and am now expecting a new baby. It's been 4 months. I also felt and still feel an incredible need to be pregnant (please let it stick). I felt like my life was on hold until I got pregnant. Now that I am, I feel better, but I'm still extremely nervous that something is going to go wrong. I am having a hard time allowing myself to be happy about this pregnancy because I don't want to have my heart break again. I really feel that I would feel the same way regardless of the amount of time that passes. For me, being pregnant again is part of my healing.


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## rou16151 (Jun 22, 2006)

Also, I wanted to share these two old threads that I found on this site after my loss. I view them often. They give me a lot of hope. Thank you, Wilkers8!

First Child Stillborn -
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=126714

Pregnant with Second Child - http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=165135


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