# I always knew i would end up here.



## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

And here I am. I just found out that my baby has died. I should be 8.5 weeks and it looks like the baby died about a week ago, since he measured ~7.5 weeks.

I have lurked on this board forever so I know what a huge support this board is and the wealth of information you offer.

I think I am waiting to pass my baby naturally at home. My only concern is that I bled a lot after the (home)birth of my daughter. Does this make it more likely that I will bleed a lot during my miscarriage? I need to call my midwife but I haven't been able to get through to her yet. (I had the u/s at an OB's office).


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

i'm so sorry.
i get sad all over again. it's so awful that so many of us meet here.
i'm so sorry.
i had a moderate hemmorage after my otherwise textbook homebirth with my dd. my m/c at 12 weeks was, it seems, pretty much textbook too. lots of blood but very dealable, most of it "caught", so it never seemed like a scary amount. that is to say, i don't know if you are more likely to bleed alot but i don't think i did. (in other ways it mirrored her birth profoundly.) the sticky on what to expect was very helpful for me as i waited as well. just to get an idea of the spectrum of ways mamas do miscarry.
oh i'm so sorry.

i'll be thinking of you. let us know if you need more help or words.


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

I don't know that you will neccessarily bleed a lot...especially if you miscarry sooner rather than later. I know that w/ my 2nd m/c I was 7.5 wks along and it hurt but wasn't as bloody as my m/c at 13 weks (which I hemorrhaged with). I'm sorry for your loss, and I wish you luck w/ the process...


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

thank you mamas. i can't believe this is real.


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## surf mama (Jan 8, 2005)

chrissy-I am so sorry you are m/c-ing! I hope you are able to talk to your midwife soon. If this is your first m/c I would ask her to explain in detail what to expect and when to seek care at a hospital. A normal m/c can have a lot of blood flow that might be scary if you don't know how much is okay. The sticky thread here is helpful for getting an idea too. I m/c-ed naturally last month so it is still fresh in my mind and you are welcome to pm me with questions anytime or just to process the pain of this loss.

Some things that helped me-using a heating pad for the cramping and contractions...I was told that would help my body pass things and keep the bleeding down. I took ibuprofen to help with the pain too. I ended up waiting 3 1/2 weeks after the baby died to m/c. It was hard to wait but it was worth it for me. I hope you don't have to wait quite so long though.

Keep posting as you need to and we will be here to support you! I am so sorry!!!


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## mom2mimi (May 26, 2004)

I know what you mean about knowing you would end up here. Looking back I had so many signs (mental ones, none physical) that this baby wouldn't be born.

I don't know about the bleeding. I had to have a D & C on friday, I was losing quite a bit of blood and my OB and I felt it would be best to go ahead with it while I had my mom here to help me with my little ones while I recovered.

Hugs to you mama.







If you need to talk, I will be around...I don't seem to know where else to go during my computer time anymore.


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

i feel so silly but all the green lights on this supportive thread right now have me in tears.
i just muttered, under my breath, "aawww. everybody's here," and started crying.
you are so right mom2mimi, i don't know where else to go either.
i'm so thankful to all of you.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

i just can't believe it. i think i am in shock. has a person ever gone crazy from having a miscarriage? how will i handle this? i just read the the thread about what to expect and i don't know if i am strong enough for this. i called my midwife and left her a message but she hasn't called back yet. i feel tempted to have the d&c to get it over with and forget it but that doesn't feel right either. i know i need to feel this and not just forget.

thank you all.


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## surf mama (Jan 8, 2005)

chrissy-It is a lot to take in when you first get the news!!! I wondered if I could handle it too. Somehow I just knew a natural m/c was what I needed. I know other people feel the need to get a d&c. Follow your gut and do what is right for you!

I felt better once I did things to prepare myself. I bought a heating pad, ibuprofen, recharge drink(natural version of gatorade), & pads. I put a copy of my midwife's phone # with my insurance card in a zip loc bag in my purse and told dh where it was in case we had to zip off to the ER. I just wanted to be prepared for whatever might happen.

A wise mama at mdc told me that "you can sip a tea of basil or cinnamon throughout and after the m/c to promote contractions and prevent excessive bleeding. Steep 1 tsp of either herb in 1 cup of boiling water (cover while steeping) for 10 minutes."

I was anxious for the first hour of my m/c but I am prone to anxiety....after that I felt the pop/gush sensation and then things started passing and I was calm and doing well for the rest of it. I was so grateful my body was doing its job. I really hope it happens safely for you and that you can feel strong and peaceful thru it.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby...


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Hi Chrissy. I'm so sorry about your baby. I don't have an answer to your question, but I wanted to jump in and offer my support and cyber {{hugs}}. I know that my last miscarriage took me by surprise at how hard it was on my body, so please take care of yourself.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

thank you mamas.

is it okay for me to run? i was running up until i found out i was pregnant. then i was too tired and was trying to listen to my body and not push it. so it's been about a month since i've run, but i am really thinking it will help me emotionally if i go for a nice run.

thank you again.


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

Oh God Chrissy!! I just saw this. I am so very very sorry. It is a really hard process to go through but keep coming here to express your feelings, if it helps. You will get a lot of "That's normal" which may make you feel better. And just take it one day, one moment at a time.

As far as the runing, I'm not sure. Try going for a short run and see how you feel. Generally, you need to conserve your energy, keep yourself hydrated, but if running will calm you down, then maybe it'll be OK in a moderate amount.

And with the bleeding, have those super-sized overnight pads available. It all varies from person to person on how much you will bleed. Personally, after the baby passed, I didn't bleed as much as with Katie, but those pads were very helpful for a few days after.

Again, I can't express how sorry I am that you are going through this. You were so sweet and comforting to me during my losses. If you ever need to talk, please PM me.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

i think exercise would be good for you. just take it easy.

i just want to jump in and say, you don't *have* to go to a hospital unless are losing a lot of blood... i believe soaking a pad in less than an hour is considered heavy bleeding and should you should be seen at the hospital if this happens. (even though many women are okay even if this happens and need no medical intervention).

i had my m/c at home, i had spotting for a week and 2 days and then i started having low back pain at dinner and then in the middle of the night i had several hours of severe cramping. i knew from the red blood i was miscarrying. i laid in the bed next to my son with my dh on the other side. it was the only place i wanted to be. in the early hours of the morning i got up to pee and that is when the baby's body came out. it was very sad and frightening, but not something that required medical care. it's up to you if you want to go, based on how feel, but you do have a choice.

and yes, it is all very surreal and overwhelming. it still seems somewhat unreal to me.

i'm glad you have a place to come to talk about it. already the people around me seem to have forgotten.


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~ (Mar 7, 2004)

oh, chrissy








i'm so sorry.
hang in there - we're here to help.


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## Sailmom (Sep 23, 2004)

Oh Chrissy, I am so sad for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Janet


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## Ok (Feb 6, 2004)

Chrissy, I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

I lost a child, #3, when ds was 3 and dd was 15mo. I measured about 6.5 weeks but should have been 8.5 weeks. Somehow I think I knew that pg was "off" for me.

I was able to stay home. I spotted for over 24 hrs before the cramps and bleeding got heavier. I think it was another day before the m/c fully happened though. The hormone shift was rough, much more problematic actually than the actual m/c which wasn't physically so bad. I only really mention it b/c I was surprised at the very sudden hormone drop.

I feel fortunate everything was able to happen naturally for me. My dr had walked me through what to expect, when to call if necessary, etc. I didn't have any restriction on what I could do... and much to my surprise I was pg again by my 8wk post-m/c check up. (and that little one played with Noah in Raleigh







) I realize that may be a strange thing to mention at this time of your grief, but remember that our bodies are fertile after birth and m/c.

((hugs)) and best wishes. Virg


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

thank you mamas so so much. all of you. for every word.


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## pycelan (Aug 14, 2005)

Chrissy,







Mama...I am so sorry. Sailmom sent me this link so I would know. I am crying for you right now. Have you heard from the midwife? You know I am here if you need...very close. I will pm you my phone number.








:









Becky


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

thank you becky.







i'm going to pm you soon.

i think that it is starting. my back is very sore and i am having cramps. i'm bleeding a little bit. it is so hard to ask my baby to leave when that is really the last thing i want. i am so anxious for the miscarriage to happen though so that i can focus on healing emotionally. i know i will not be able to handle carrying my baby for much longer.

mainly i feel okay today. strong and calm a lot of the time. i talked to my midwife. she said running should be okay unless i am bleeding a lot. i have called my acupuncturist and if i haven't had the baby by monday i will go in and see if she can get things started for me.

i am so grateful for the support all of my friends, including all of you of course, and family have shown me. it helps so much.


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## trish28543 (Mar 13, 2006)

I Havent Been On This Site Long But Wanted To Say To Those Who Have Lost And Have Jus Recently Lost That I Am So Sorry For You.i Wish When I Lost My Two Babies (one In April 94 [email protected] Old And Premature [email protected] 05). Both Were Devestating And I Know How That Feeling Never Seems To Leave No Matter What Ur Doing Or Thinking...i Havent Ever Had A M/c But Really A Loss Is A Loss No Matter How Old The Baby Was. So I Wanted To Offer My Condolences To Everyone And Say Never Give Up Hope Because My Last Pregnancy Was Very Bad And I Thought I Would Never Recover And Look At Me Now, Im Almost 19wks And Even Tho I Worry 247 I Know That This One Is The One ..and There Are Brighter Horizons So Please No Matter What Dont Ever Give Up Hope Always Know God Will Not Put Nothing On Your Shoulders That He Didnt Think You Or Me Could Handle.
Once Again I Pray For Everyone And Hope That One Day You Will Hold Your Precious Babies In Your Arms And I Hope I Will ! My Thoughts And Prayers Are With U Always!
Sometimes That More Positive You Are The More Good Things Happen..easy To Say Considering I Am A Worry Wort .
So Take Care And If Anyone Ever Needs To Talk Please Let Me Know I Have Been There And Done That And Maybe We Dont Share The Exact Same Experiences That End Result Is That We Have All Lost And That Is The Most Powerful Thing Women Can Share Together !


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

hugs chrissy.

our thoughts are with you.

don't forget you can take ibuprofen for the pain.

hang in there mama.


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## newcastlemama (Jun 7, 2005)

Crissy,







I am so sorry








I just lost my baby on 2/28 at 13 weeks, I had her at home but then hemmoraged, and then needed a DnC. Please know that is the flow is just gushing out when you sit on the toliet call the dr. The ER dr said I would bleed a lot and I bled until I blacked out not really knowing what a lot meant when I was sent home to miscarry that night (This is not to scare you, I just don't want you to go through that is possible)

I took pain reliever about an hour before the miscarriage happened. If you are in pain then it seems that it may happen soon. After that was over I was very healing emotionally for me because I was no longer in waiting.You are going through the worst right now (I believe) and I will be praying for you. Cry as much as you need to...talk...be alone...anything that can get you through.

We are all here for you









Honeybee, I am sorry that people are forgetting about your loss








The same is with me too









Jennifer


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

Chrissy,
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this now. I m/c at home naturally. I did not find out the baby had died until I started to bleed and then we had it confirmed by sono. the fetus was 7 wks and I was 12.5. I did not know what to expect. For me it was like full labor. I was in the bath most of the time and that really helped me relax. I also had 2 close friends there with me. THe support was really important. Remember, you don't have to do this alone. It is ok to reach out. I am so glad that I did even though it was so hard. I bled a lot afterwards, more than w/ my boys.
My 2nd m/c I was 6wks and I started to spot and had a little cramping and passed it while I was taking a bath (unplanned). They were two very, very different experiences. Both have been really hard emotionally. Know that there are many people thinking of you as you go through this.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

why am i having all these cramps but barely bleeding. my husband had to work today and won't be able to be home for another hour or so, maybe my body is holding on until then. i pray that it happens tonight, even though the thought of it all actually happening terrifies me.

i dreamt last night that i had the baby. it didn't hurt at all in my dream. the baby in my dream was bigger though- about 3 inches- and alive when he was born. he thrashed around a little bit. i held him, still in his intact sac, close to my chest and told him it was okay. then he stopped thrashing and died.

i am so so sorry for all of you who have had losses, and especially for those of you whose losses were later and those of you who have had more than one loss. i am both hopeful and terrified at the thought of conceiving again.

both kids crying....


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## Catrinel (Jul 18, 2005)

So sorry to hear about your loss, Chrissy.


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## pycelan (Aug 14, 2005)

Chrissy, Just stopped in to check on you. I am so worried about you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

thank you becky.







i think i am doing okay. i have been having a lot of cramping and some bleeding today. i was really hoping it would happen quickly but i guess it isn't going to.

i have felt okay emotionally for most of the day. it is hardest when all of the sudden i remember something that won't happen anymore- like i was going to make red and white striped longies for all 3 of my kids to wear at christmastime, and now i will only have 2 kids at christmastime.


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

i know just what you mean. i keep wondering if i'll always have these reactions to certain things. striped longies, family portraits, shooting stars (our lost one was conceived under them, literally. i SO wanted to meet the person who started that way.







)
although, i have gotten to a place where i can remember happy parts of that pregnancy without sadness creeping in.
if it's not going fast i hope it goes smoothly,
thinking of you.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

thank you aileen.







that is so beautiful that your lost baby was conceived under shooting stars. how amazing.


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## newcastlemama (Jun 7, 2005)

I know what you mean. I will think, "when I have the baby..." then I realize that I am not anymore.

Thinking of all of you, Jennifer


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

Chrissy, I'm really sorry.







Take good care of yourself, mama.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

have been wondering how you are...


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

thank you all so much.









honeybeedreams, thanks for thinking of me. i am doing okay at the moment. i don't think my emotions have ever been so up and down before though. for hours at a time i will feel happy and hopeful and strong and then i will get so lonely and needy and sad sad sad. when i feel that way i am trying to just allow myself to feel it and not push it away because i know that is the only way i can heal.

i had really bad cramping and somewhat heavy bleeding on saturday. in the middle of the night when i went to the bathroom i passed something big. i fished it out and i think it was the placenta. it was much too thick and tough to be a clot. i didn't see anything in it like a baby though. i know what to look for and i didn't see it. so i think maybe i flushed my actual little baby.







:

i had an appointment with my acupuncturist on tuesday afternoon and she said my pulse still felt a little bit pregnant so she didn't think i had passed everything yet. she gave me some tea (dong quai) to encourage the rest to pass. that did make me bleed more yesterday and pass a few more clots but today i am only spotting a little brownish. she gave me some other herbs to take too. she thinks i should wait 2-3 months to try again.

i had a follow-up with the ob today and after i told him everything he thinks i probably have passed almost everything. he didn't do an exam or anything. he wants me to come back in a week and do a urine hcg test. he thinks it will be negative then and that will show that i have passed everything. he wants me to wait 1 cycle before trying again.

i'm not sure what we will do about waiting. we need to talk about it and think about it.

thank you all for being here. it means more than i can say.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

(i don't have any words)


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