# My 12 yo ds is not so innocent....



## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

I just had to post this even though I know there was a recent long thread about it.

Yesterday I started typing something into my computer while searching for a particular website and a porn site came up. I know my DH isn't into porn online so went through some of the rest of the recent history and came up with 5 or 6 websites. While we don't allow my 12 yo ds to get on the computer (that is in our living room) unless we are around, I've been pretty blind to the fact that he is growing up and don't have my account password protected (his is a "kids" account). He has always been super open and honest with us so I kept thinking he wouldn't go behind our backs like that. But, he's a pretty private 12 yo and I know he wouldn't want us knowing about him viewing porn.

Anyway, I waited until my DH was home, discussed it with him, and he went to talk to ds. He didn't accuse him of anything, just said that they had come up on the history and, if it was ds, we were concerned that he might go to a website that could somehow put a nasty virus on our computer. Ds readily said that it was him. Apparently, his school had a couple of days of "internet safety" type classes last week that got some kids talking and ds was, of course, curious. DH also discussed the fact that he went onto my account and the computer without permission. They had a good talk, DH let him know that DH would buy him a magazine or two if he wanted, and we left it at that.

This really woke me up. I have been stuck in the place where my DS is still my innocent little boy but I guess he is growing up. Although he is a really great kid and usually really open with us, I need to stay more on my toes.

As parents of teens, how far do you trust their innate "goodness" and where do you draw the line to protect them from themselves?

Disclaimer: I know there are different views of porn out there and haven't really researched the matter myself enough to take a stand one way or another. DH and I aren't really into that scene and never have been so it hasn't been an issue. Now that ds is at "that age", DH and I will research it to figure out what our position is, if any.


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## Baby Makes 4 (Feb 18, 2005)

Interesting question. My son is 12 as well and was asking me about porn not too long ago. I told him it was something he would have to decide about when he was older.

He asked me if I ever looked at porn and that was an awkward moment! I told him that I was happy to talk to him about porn and sex but that I was uncomfortable answering any questions pertaining to my personal habits.

I'm not sure if I would buy him a magazine at his age. I would rather he develop a more realistic idea of what women are supposed to look like before he started viewing porn. I would hate for him to grow up thinking that thin, airbrushed, fake-breasted women is the only kind of beauty.

Just thinking out loud but maybe some books on sexuality and a couple of photography books with artful (realistic) nudes would be more appropriate than a playboy.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

NOT as the mother of a pre-teen or teen but as a FORMER teen / pre-teen / horny adolescent let me give you some advice.... research porn very carefully to find out what's out there, and what you find acceptable, and what you don't, and openly explain it to your guy.

In my home, my parents did me the extreme disservice of not allowing any sexuality, at all ~ from a very early age I would get beaten for even looking at my bits in a mirror.... to getting beaten and yelled at for DAYS after being caught playing with myself in my room (I was about 6)... and then having to learn about sex / masturbation / orgasms / porn / everything from a combination of peers, my older sister, and some medical encyclopedias. So when I finally had 'net access of my own, I exploited the hell out of it... and let me tell you, there are some things out there that were so horrifying... so utterly, completely nerve-wracking I feel I was seriously scarred by them. And no I don't just mean BDSM stuff but really nasty sh!t. Things I don't even want to talk about... things I still have nightmares about. Things that WILL pop up just in general search queries if you're not careful.

I think, since you admit you're not familiar with the "scene", you really need to get familiar, if you're going to be able to continue a dialogue with your ds after he gets into all that jazz.

FTR: I think you're doing a great thing by talking w/ him and staying open-minded.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
Interesting question. My son is 12 as well and was asking me about porn not too long ago. I told him it was something he would have to decide about when he was older.

He asked me if I ever looked at porn and that was an awkward moment! I told him that I was happy to talk to him about porn and sex but that I was uncomfortable answering any questions pertaining to my personal habits.
*
I'm not sure if I would buy him a magazine at his age. I would rather he develop a more realistic idea of what women are supposed to look like before he started viewing porn. I would hate for him to grow up thinking that thin, airbrushed, fake-breasted women is the only kind of beauty.*

Just thinking out loud but maybe some books on sexuality and a couple of photography books with artful (realistic) nudes would be more appropriate than a playboy.

VERY good suggestion.

I highly HIGHLY recommend The Guide To Getting It On (it was required reading for my Human Sexuality undergrad class







)... it's very well done, tasteful where it needs to be, with just a TON of really great info. ~ You can get it used @ Amazon for way cheap.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

Wow - you all are great! Like I said, we aren't into porn. While we've viewed a few videos, etc, we would rather bask in each other than watch strangers. I have a pretty good idea of what is out there, as I'm not totally out of the loop, but the websites he was on were relatively benign.

I didn't fully think out the magazine thing, it was my DH's idea. I also would hate for him to think the women in the mags were "ideal". I'll definitely look up the Guide to Getting It On and will research some other more "natural" porn options for in the future.

Thanks!


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## Lambartly (Nov 28, 2007)

Truth is that essentially all kids will stumble across porn on the internet before they experience any real sex. Take that as you will. Personally I think it's an inevitability that has to be dealt with in other ways than trying to stop your child from seeing it, period. I think it's more realistic to assume that it will be seen, and then try and work from there.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

It isn't that I want to stop my son from seeing pornography. Honestly, I don't want him seeing some of the stuff out there because some it could be downright scary for a 12 yo but I know that there really is no way to completely prevent it. However, I don't want him viewing it on my computer as I know some of those websites can insert some nasty viruses. I'm very sure that my DH communicated that we don't think porn is "bad" or that my ds is "bad" for being curious about it. We just don't want our expensive computer messed up.

Again, the question is posed, even though I know it is truly subjective. Where do you draw the line?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I don't have a teen, DS is 22 mos. For myself, I draw the line at anything much beyond classical paintings and sculpture of nudes, (and belly casts!).

This is just my 2cents. I simply feel that porn is exploitive of women. Since many women get into the biz when they are very young, they are often taken advantage of by 'directors' and 'photographers'. I know this is not always the case. I also feel it reflects a core belief of our society that a woman is simply the sum of her sexual organs. Are we not trying to fight that idea?


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

I'm a pretty rabid Feminist and personally, I think there is some very well-done porn out there..... things that _don't_ necessarily exploit the women and men involved... things that _don't_ promote unrealistic ideals as far as body imagery, etc....

I think it's really too much of a blanket statement to say that ALL porn exploits women (or men) or ALL porn promotes the objectification of women (or men).

The truth is, some of us really enjoy porn ~ watching it, making it, or Otherwise, and there are some of us in the Making It category that really don't consider ourselves exploited.









Just... you know... sayin'.


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## S.Raine-Drop (Apr 5, 2008)

If he is interested in porn and wants to view it he will, one way or another. I personally don't know how well I'd take to my parents trying to buy me "acceptable" porn just so I wouldn't look at what all is out there... I find that really weird. =\

As far as the exploitation of women, I don't think that allowing your son to view porn is going to instill any kind of anti-woman or "paintbrush" ideals into him. There are PLENTY of things out there in the world to do this, and it will either affect him or it won't, but porn won't necessarily be the thing that does this. It could easily be a Teen People mag that does it.

lol, Aura_Kitten, are you a porn star?


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

See, I struggle with this myself. DS1 is nearing 11, and while he is still really "immature" as far as 11 yo's go...I know it won't be that much longer before he gets interested in sex and his body and the ladies. My issue is that my belief system and the belief system I am raising my children in does not tolerate pornography. I don't know how I am going to handle his stumbling upon it or his experimentations. I want him to have a healthy outlook on sex, but not on porn....hmmm...hopefully I get a few more years outta him!


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

: I wouldn't call myself a "star" per se, but I have made some, yes.


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## S.Raine-Drop (Apr 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aura_Kitten* 







: I wouldn't call myself a "star" per se, but I have made some, yes.

lol right on I can respect that. Good for you for not being ashamed!


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## aprilflowers (Oct 15, 2007)




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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

"He asked me if I ever looked at porn and that was an awkward moment! I told him that I was happy to talk to him about porn and sex but that I was uncomfortable answering any questions pertaining to my personal habits."

If you're not comfortable talking about your own personal habits, how can you expect HIM to be?

!!!???

I _love_ the art idea!

Also, about the magazines. Maybe DH knows best, if that's what would have helped him when he was a kid, maybe it'll help DS. However, I feel that if he is exposed to magazines, it won't stop there. He will probably become interested in seeing more "hardcore" things, or at least videos. I think that you need to have a frank discussion with him about how women should be treated, and how porn fantasy is different from real life BEFORE he starts with the searching and the finding. Although, if you and DH already set a good example of what a loving sexual relationship should be like, he probably wont have any problems with that.

My two cents.


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## MarchWillow (Apr 1, 2008)

My opinion...where do _*you*_ draw the line? That's really a decision you and DH need to make for yourselves. I know for me, I agree and ds would not be allowed to look up porn on my pc...on any pc if i can help it. I think the key is communication. Some real uncomfortable conversations have come up, mostly it's me speaking, but I can tell he hangs on every word. I'll ask a question and a one or two word answer tells me he's interested but still a little shy to ask some of these questions. Porn has not yet come up...but sex, yes! And normal puberty things, wet dreams etc. Above all he knows who in his life is the safest adults to talk to as far as information being reliable and safe. (he has more than just me and dh)The last thing I want is him talking to the kid at school who's a "sex pro"

If or I should say when porn comes up, I am not totally against it, but he has to learn responsibility of it, just like with sex. It's not something we share with younger sibs, and we are going to think before we just "consume". We are also going to at the very least talk about reality. It's not fair to your future gf/wife or yourself to have an unrealistic idea of how women are not only looks, but also desires...not every woman out there feels about sex how they act in porn. porn is acting, just like any other movie. But just having a "normal" mom i think says alot too lol. Im no sex kitten in looks, but i am obviously sexually happy even if he doesn't want to invision me with dad.

That's my whole outlook thus far-as it usually does change a little along the way.


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## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

Nothing to add, I just wanted to say that I think you handled it amazingly, in a way that didn't make him feel ashamed or like he was doing something "wrong".


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

People do have different views about porn and I have come to believe that my own is a minority opinion on mdc; I am here to discuss parenting, not to debate porn, so I'll just post a link that may or may not be helpful to the OP and her child:

anti-porn resource center

I have found the kids' page to be very helpful with both my own son and a teenager I used to tutor, both of whom I "busted" looking at porn on my computer.

Neither child ever used any of my computers in this manner again, nor did they seem to misunderstand my feelings about porn to be anti-sex. ds1 was comfortable talking to me about sexuality when he began having relationships and I take pride both in how open we are and how healthy and respectful his attitude towards women and bodies seems to be.

hth; if it doesn't, please just disregard this post.


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## SMC_to_be (Dec 28, 2006)

Curious as to how you (and everyone else) would handle this if this were your 12-year-old DDaughter. Would you still get her some magazines? Find some acceptable porn for her to view?


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SMC_to_be* 
Curious as to how you (and everyone else) would handle this if this were your 12-year-old DDaughter. Would you still get her some magazines? Find some acceptable porn for her to view?

Interesting question. I would never have even thought to get her a mag, but I wouldn't have thought to get my ds one either. That was my DH. I'm still not sure how comfortable I am with it but I was never a 12 yo boy. I think, if she was interested, I would put the same thought into what seems appropriate.

As my ds declined the offer, my DH and I have been discussing what we consider "appropriate". I'm kinda thinking about a JC Penney catalog at this point!


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## crazydiamond (May 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SMC_to_be* 
Curious as to how you (and everyone else) would handle this if this were your 12-year-old DDaughter. Would you still get her some magazines? Find some acceptable porn for her to view?

I absolutely would. I wish someone would have gotten me some at that age. Instead, I used actual sex as my outlet. . .I would have been much safer had I stuck to magazines and the internet (had it been around back then). And I was a "good" kid too whom everyone thought was very innocent. . .my parents still have no idea what I was up to at age 12. It's only through a stroke of luck that I didn't end up pregnant or with an STD. I'm not blaming my parents in the least for what I chose to do, but I do think having magazine to use as an outlet would have at least delayed the sex for a little while.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

I used magazines, catalogs AND the internet and still ended up having tons of sex at a very young age....


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## sunkissedmumma67 (Jul 9, 2007)

I have a 19 year old son and i never even allowed him to have posters of women in bathingsuits on his bedroom walls. When he was 16 i did allow him to put up some posters of women in sexy not sleazy outfits! He never really minded. It was not that important to him! We never had any porn in the house, (except, obviously the internet). I don't like it at all. It displays women as objects and is immoral! I have known women who were in the porn bussiness, 1 was quite big in the bussiness in the late eighties/early nineties and she ended up commiting suicide and the other who i still have limted contact with, is very messed up, has had 2 children and has lost custody and visitation to them, on drugs ect. Almost all women in porn were molested as children, though alot of them will not admit it when their in the bussiness. Most also are on drugs and drunk when they make the movies! Don't get me wrong, women's bodies are beautiful. I'm a big art collector and over half of my collection is nudity, especially women, but there is a big difference between art and porn! My kids have been raised around alot of nudity but NO porn and they know the difference. They are very modest kids. Pornography takes something beautiful and turns it into something very ugly! I would not recommend it or supply it to anyone, especially a child!


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
Interesting question. My son is 12 as well and was asking me about porn not too long ago. I told him it was something he would have to decide about when he was older.

That's great that your son asked you about this. You must have a really close, open relationship.







I'm hoping my kids always do this.

My oldest is 13 and homeschooled so nothing has come up yet. I do check his history on the computer often to see what sites he visits.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazydiamond*
I'm not blaming my parents in the least for what I chose to do, but I do think having magazine to use as an outlet would have at least delayed the sex for a little while.

but you don't know this for sure. You could have had the magazines and still wanted to go out and have sex because a magazine can lead to more. If you had sex anyway then you would have likely gone the same route no matter how much porno you had available to you at home. I looked at my first dirty magazine around age 13 and was having sex by 14.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

Thank you for all of your viewpoints.

As I said before, this all came as quite a surprise to me. My son has, until to this year, been a kid who acted as though kissing in movies was gross so for him to be doing this was a shock. Luckily, he hadn't even entered the sites so I don't think he saw anything too outrageous. And to be clear, we haven't provided anything for him, but we definitely wanted to get across the message that it was normal to be curious. Maybe DH went too far in offering something, but we want to keep the lines of communication clear, and want him come to DH about it.

I hadn't even thought about my reaction and was following my dh's lead (he is pretty mainstream). Like I said in another of the posts, I'm thinking the bra section of a catalog is about as racy as I would want to go!

I've been looking for articles for DH to give ds about the industry while having another talk with him. Anybody have suggestions that aren't too graphic?


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunkissedmumma67* 
I have a 19 year old son and i never even allowed him to have posters of women in bathingsuits on his bedroom walls. When he was 16 i did allow him to put up some posters of women in sexy not sleazy outfits! He never really minded. It was not that important to him! We never had any porn in the house, (except, obviously the internet). I don't like it at all. It displays women as objects and *is immoral*! I have known women who were in the porn bussiness, 1 was quite big in the bussiness in the late eighties/early nineties and *she ended up commiting suicide* and the other who i still have limted contact with, i*s very messed up, has had 2 children and has lost custody and visitation to them, on drugs* ect. *Almost all women in porn were molested as children*, though alot of them will not admit it when their in the bussiness. *Most also are on drugs and drunk when they make the movies!* Don't get me wrong, women's bodies are beautiful. I'm a big art collector and over half of my collection is nudity, especially women, but there is a big difference between art and porn! My kids have been raised around alot of nudity but NO porn and they know the difference. They are very modest kids. Pornography takes something beautiful and turns it into something very ugly! I would not recommend it or supply it to anyone, especially a child!

Um. Wow.

First, I respect that you believe, for yourself, it's immoral. But please don't make these incredibly sweeping assumptions about the "types" of women who make porn.









I was NEVER molested as a child, and I stay off of alcohol and drugs as a rule pretty much all the time, and especially during sex.

I also happen to be a single SOLO mother to two incredible young children; I work, and I go to school, and I take care of them. My custody of my children ... and what I choose to do in my own bedroom on my own time ... are two very separate issues.

Please be a little more respectful of women's choices even when they differ from your own.


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## WinterWillow (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:

I'm not sure if I would buy him a magazine at his age. I would rather he develop a more realistic idea of what women are supposed to look like before he started viewing porn. I would hate for him to grow up thinking that thin, airbrushed, fake-breasted women is the only kind of beauty.
Just a side note there are lots of porn mags out there that show real, natural bodies.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aura_Kitten* 
Um. Wow.

First, I respect that you believe, for yourself, it's immoral. But please don't make these incredibly sweeping assumptions about the "types" of women who make porn.









I was NEVER molested as a child, and I stay off of alcohol and drugs as a rule pretty much all the time, and especially during sex.

I also happen to be a single SOLO mother to two incredible young children; I work, and I go to school, and I take care of them. My custody of my children ... and what I choose to do in my own bedroom on my own time ... are two very separate issues. She only said one person she knew had her kids taken from her due to her drug use. She didn't say that anyone in this thread was doing that.

Please be a little more respectful of women's choices even when they differ from your own.

I don't think the previous poster was referring to single moms? How did you take "personal" offense to her own personal opinion about porn? She didn't directly relate it to a single mother.

Quote:

Just a side note there are lots of porn mags out there that show real, natural bodies.
but they are air-brushed.







No matter how big the breasts are they are still perfect without bumps or bruises, the faces too. But I don't see how that would matter anyway, whether or not a girl in a porno mag has fake or real breasts or is air-brushed. I seriously don't think a person in general would care about whether someone in real life is like that or not.... kwim?


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
I don't think the previous poster was referring to single moms? How did you take "personal" offense to her own personal opinion about porn? She didn't directly relate it to a single mother.

No she made a point to mention how the other porn star she knew had custody of her kids taken away from her ~ my point is, you can't judge someone like that... I'm saying, I'm a really responsible single parent. I'm sure there are LOTS of other people who have made porn that are, too. Custody and videotaped sex are different issues. If the other person lost custody of her kids she was doing something else... it's not just about the fact that she was a porn star. It seemed like the previous poster was throwing that in there to support her claim that porn girlies are screwed up people ... I refute that generalization with every fiber in my body.


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## FeingoldMomma (Apr 23, 2008)

We had a similar situation in my house. We _thought_ we'd done a good job of locking out the internet so that my ds could get on the computer but not be able to get online. Yeah, not so much. He stumbled across a porn website as a result of misspelling an addy for another website, and then it went from there. We sat down and talked with him about the dangers of surfing unknown websites, and porn sites seem to be the worst. Both dh and I talked about what to do, since A) we didn't want him surfing and picking up viruses, and B) there's a lot of stuff out there our 12, almost 13 y.o. isn't mature enough to see. We already had a sub to Playboy, so we gave him access to that, and it has helped. We have always had an open discussion policy about anything, including sex, and porn, and that has continued.

As for whether or not I would find mags for my daughter if I had one... absolutely.







When I was about 12, I came across a box of books and mags that had been left on the side of the road. I looked through it, and was intrigued by what I saw. I took some of them home, hiding them from my parents, since I don't think they would have been too happy about it. Even though most of the pictures were of women, it still satisfied that urge.

And WinterWillow, it's good to know that there are mags out there with more natural bodies. DH and I may have to see what we can find.


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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

Aura Kitten, you rock.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aura_Kitten* 
No she made a point to mention how the other porn star she knew had custody of her kids taken away from her ~ my point is, you can't judge someone like that... I'm saying, I'm a really responsible single parent. I'm sure there are LOTS of other people who have made porn that are, too. Custody and videotaped sex are different issues. If the other person lost custody of her kids she was doing something else... it's not just about the fact that she was a porn star. It seemed like the previous poster was throwing that in there to support her claim that porn girlies are screwed up people ... I refute that generalization with every fiber in my body.

But in your first post you DID seem to take personal offense to what the other person said. She wasn't attacking you or anyone on the boards. She was just speaking in general. I'm not saying that her content of words was right but I didn't see her point any fingers either.









FWIW, I know a now married (for the third time) mother with four kids who was a stripper at one time and had a child from a man she met while stripping (not one of her husbands). She is doing wonderful for herself now at 40 years old. We all have pasts. I was a single mom for a while before I married my child's father but I don't take offense to people who put down single moms even though comments towards single moms strike me very personally.


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## BamaDude (Aug 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eclipse95* 
And to be clear, we haven't provided anything for him, but we definitely wanted to get across the message that it was normal to be curious. Maybe DH went too far in offering something, but we want to keep the lines of communication clear, and want him come to DH about it.

Right off-hand, I can't think of anything more likely to dull an interest in porn than having one's parents be cool with it to the point of offering to provide some.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BamaDude* 
Right off-hand, I can't think of anything more likely to dull an interest in porn than having one's parents be cool with it to the point of offering to provide some.

laughup

Thanks BamaDude. That really cracked me up.


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## rayo de sol (Sep 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 
People do have different views about porn and I have come to believe that my own is a minority opinion on mdc; I am here to discuss parenting, not to debate porn, so I'll just post a link that may or may not be helpful to the OP and her child:

anti-porn resource center

Thank you so much for posting a link to this site. It's one I haven't seen before, and it's very eye-opening, lots of important information.

Also, I want you to know that you're not alone in your views on pornography. I'm right there with you! Anti-porn (because it is largely anti-woman propaganda) but pro-sex.









Quote:

87% of the molesters of girls, and 77% of the molesters of boys reported regular use of hard-core porn. (Marshall, 1988)

A 1984 research study found that the state of Alaska ranked first both in porn magazine sales and in rapes. Nevada was second on both measures. (Baron & Straus)

In Phoenix, neighborhoods with a porn outlet had 500% more sexual offenses than neighborhoods without. (U.S. Department of Justice, 1988)

The death rate of women working as prostitutes in Canada is 40 times
higher than the general Canadian population. (Special Committee on
Pornography and Prostitution)


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I think it is awesome that neither you nor your husband freaked out and went off on your son. I'm pretty open to people being pro or anti porn as that works out for them, but even if you make it clear that "I don't like porn and don't want it in my house" I think it is important to not shame your kids. Curiosity is normal.

That said, my husband and I are both pretty sex-positive. We have a pretty extensive collection of sex-related books in our bedroom. My plan is to tell my kids that if they snoop they may find out things about me that they don't want to know and they won't ever be able to get that image out of their minds. So consider your actions carefully...







That's pretty much what my mom told me and after one little snoop when I was around 9/10 I got the "AHHHHHH MY EYES!!! THEY BURN!!!" reaction and never went near her stuff again.


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## carabee (Apr 6, 2007)

Instead of porn how about an erotic book? I was much more interested in those when I was a teen, but I'm also a girl so YMMV.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
But in your first post you DID seem to take personal offense to what the other person said. She wasn't attacking you or anyone on the boards. She was just speaking in general. I'm not saying that her content of words was right but I didn't see her point any fingers either.









You don't see how someone generalizing about a group of people to whom one belongs is pointing fingers and personal? If someone said something untrue and offensive about "most MDC moms" wouldn't you feel a twinge of outrage?

Back OT, I think that outright offering him actual porn materials would be kinda weird for him. And I think at his age, things like underwear ads, plus educational books on sexuality, are "enough." Even real softcore porn can wait a few years. I'd just subscribe to the Victorias Secret catalog and leave it lying around. But buy one of the aforementioned sexuality books and give it to him (you or DH) and let him know that you guys are available for questions, but he doesn't have to talk about it unless he wants to.


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## RoadWorkAhead (Sep 8, 2005)

Oh the point of would you do it for DS and for DD, I would point out that girls have an out. How many 12 year old boys pick up Harlequin romance novels? Girls do all the time, but boys aren't going to. And I've seen some pretty racy, even downright raunchy Harlequin scenes. They were my own personal chldhood porn for lack of a better word. So I think the type that teen girls would be looking for might be a bit more easily accessible. We tned not to focus so much on pictures of nudity so much as the whole scene, and so lit-erotica would be more up the alley I'd expect from a girl. As for my DS some day, I'll find some more okay mags, and probably leave them somewhere he can "find" them (like his dad's hiding spot that he'll eventually find). I'd much rather my 12 year old enjoy a mag alone than go out and enjoy one of his classmates IYKWIM!! But I am very liberal on this subject myself, and enjoy tasteful lit-erotica


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## losermom (May 13, 2008)

I found that DS11, now 13, was viewing porn on our home computer. I discovered it by accident. I first checked with DH to see if it was him(it was not), before I spoke with DS. He had been viewing porn pretty feverishly for 2-3 days before I figured it out. When I talked with him, he seemed relieved rather than upset or defensive. It seems that some of the boys at school had been egging each other on to check out these sites.

DS was relieved that 1) he was not expected to "perform" those acts, 2) that girls didn't expect, or probably want, that kind of attention, and 3) Mom can see what you are viewing on the internet. I made it clear that while I'm not strictly anti-porn, I think that porn is really unrealistic and somewhat fake. Not all women look like that and that the girls his age probably didn't want to have sex or perform those types of sex acts.

DS has had a couple of short term girlfriends this year, and while I know that he was kissed, I don't think it has gone much further. He has not really had any opportunities to be alone with these girlfriends. DS continues to cover his eyes when people kiss on movies and tv, but that's probably an act for me. He is 13 afterall.


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## rhubarbarin (May 2, 2008)

Quote:

Just a side note there are lots of porn mags out there that show real, natural bodies.
And stuff on the internet, and videos.. ok, I'm not a porn fan, and wouldn't be interested in making it myself, but somehow in my life I've seen a lot of it in all available mediums. And it is not all air-brushed, and there are plenty of absolutely 100% real women and men depicted, warts (and other things) and all.

But honestly, the idea of my future son watching some of the awful, terrible, violent porn out there is enough to make me want all girls.









I am also considering nudist camp vacations (ok, mostly a joke) just to desensitize my kids a little. One of the biggest problems I have with porn, and with this society, is the fetishization of human nudity. Nudity! Our natural state! It's not quite as bad as the Victorian ere when men got aroused at the sight of a woman's ankle, but it's still ridiculous to me. Nudity is not sexual, sex is sexual and they have little to do with each other in many societies..


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