# Others posting your childs photos on their facebooks.. do you allow it? Why/why not? (and a question!)



## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

I'm wondering- do you allow family members and friends to post pictures of your children on their facebook pages? Why or why not?

My MIL has a ton of photos of both of my DDs on her FB. So does FIL, SIL, DHs uncle, DHs aunt, a friend of the family, and so on. MIL frequently posts pictures of my DDs and tags others in them so that they will be notified and look at them. Right now 16yo SIL has a photo of her and my DD as her display picture.

I don't really mind people _taking_ the photos, that's fine. Put them in their photo albums and look back at them







KWIM? But when it comes to social networking, I get iffy, just because photos get passed around like no tomorrow on those things. I do have photos of my kids on my own facebook (so does DH), but I don't have every.single.photo that has ever been taken of them on it. Our facebook pages are also set to private.

I also have a blog, which I do post photos on from time to time.

I kind of feel weird with people having our photos on their facebooks. MIL has an entire album dedicated to our kids. I almost want to say something, but feel like I have no real grounds as to say something since I do post photos of my own kids, and also have a public blog (though I don't mention their names in the blog







).

If you were in my position, would you say something? How would you do it? I was thinking of sending a group message to everyone who has our children's pictures on their page. I'm also kind of feeling iffy on posting photos of them on my blog.. but again, it's not a photo album of everything they do- just here and there shots of us doing crafts, etc. I think that everyone else put together has more photos of them online on facebook than I do.


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

My friends and I take pictures of our kids together, upload them to FB, and tag each other all the time. I personally love it. Another regular at library story club took a few pictures of our girls together at a festival where we ran into each other, and then asked me the next week if I was on FB so she could friend me because she'd uploaded the pictures. It didn't bother me at all. The children's room librarians (who are both also friends of ours on FB







) were very excited to see the pictures of the girls together.

I have many many pictures of my kids uploaded on FB as well (though mine are set to friends only, and I do actually know everyone on my friends list). I tend to not worry to much about it. I gain a great deal of pleasure from sharing pictures of my children. My little brother had a picture of him with my DD1 as his profile picture for awhile. In fact, he has a whole album dedicated to her titled "this girl is my soul"







I teared up when I found it. I think one or both of my girls may be in my mom's profile picture too. She mostly joined to see the pictures my cousins and I put up of our little ones.

All of that said, if it bothers you, you certainly have the right to ask them to take the pictures down.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

I am very selective about images/info about my children going online, especially as they get older. My dd is now jr high age, for example, old enough that she isn't going to change *that* much more in appearance as she becomes an adult.

I think *she* ought to be the one to have as much say as possible in the images of her that are put out there, ykwim? I don't want some net-savvy stalker or abusive ex or even high-school bully in a few years somehow turning up old facebook or blog pics of her and using them in ways that might embarrass her. Or worse.

I would absolutely use this line of argument to ask friends or family to take down pics of my kids that they had posted.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Thanks. I do like sharing photos, don't get me wrong... but I just wonder, sometimes, whose hands they're in. I'd like to hope that everyones pages were set to "friends only", but then again, who are their friends?

I just hate feeling like I'm putting myself in a bubble, but then I feel irresponsible if I decided to "pop" that bubble and disregard it. Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm being irrational or not, I need outside perspective


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## Naturallove (Oct 9, 2010)

I don't have any advice, but I am in almost the exact situation and it does bother me that there on pictures on my kids on facebook that I personally can't control who has access to them. Like you I do not know how to approach the situation because I don't want it to come across as hypocritical or cruel because all MIL wants to do is show off her grandkids... It is such a sticky situation I am interested to hear what others have to say.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Naturallove- now that you brought it up







I think MIL does want to show off the kids, mostly to her family in Mexico. BUT... we frequently video-chat with them on Skype, so they do get to see them







Which I'm happy about.


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

I don't really care. I feel like it would be almost impossible to avoid and I don't find it to be a big deal, I certainly don't think it will be for the kids at any point. The only time I've cared is when dh's sister decides to play "SuperAunt" and post pics of my kids when in fact, she doesn't actually care about my kids. She only cares about the appearance of looking like she cares.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

No, I don't care because I post them, too.

And in the long run, our images are out there. I don't really know what bad things people could do with the images. I'm sure I could conjure up some pretty creepy things but I prefer not to, and in the end I realize it's not somethng I can either control nor does it really affect us.

That said, I generally ask other parents before I post photos that have images of their children in them.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

It doesn't bother me. I consider the safety risks really low, and the sheer volume of information is making each individual piece less important. As a trade off for a loving, warm community of people who all care about each other's kids - I'll take the tagging.










I worry more about the high school/university years, but I figure in 10 years the technology will have shifted anyway.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Well, I'm guessing that pic in your avatar is of you and your girls (super cute btw), and its public.

I don't know, people post pics of my ds all the time. It's fine with me, and I use fb as a way of posting pics so that my far away friends can see him grow up in a way. Otherwise they wouldn't see him at all.


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## sammymama (Jun 20, 2010)

I'm not a huge FB user so I never really gave this much thought (rather, just admired pics of friends' kids) - UNTIL one of my really good friends started working for Child Protective Services, specifically the internet division. It is definitely not something any of us want to think about, but there definitely *are* people who are obtaining innocent images of babies/kids and using them in not very pleasant/legal ways. So I personally do not post any pics of my babe on FB, and thank anyone who has posted something with my babe in it and then delete it. I also have my settings on friends only, and am very selective about who is my friend. Like I said, I would not have given this much thought until hearing real-life (and very unsettling) thoughts from someone in the internet child-porn field. I'm sure it's one of those things where there is such a small percentage of it happening to you, but it just makes me feel better to refrain from it...


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## oaktreemama (Oct 12, 2010)

I don't care in the least. I am not going to lose any sleep over the really remote chance someone MIGHT take my kid's picture and do "something" with it.

I want my far flung family to see regular pictures of my son and I know they love posting his pic and bragging on his cuteness. I don't let fear dictate my personal life and the enjoyment people get from my pictures and from posting their own.


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## sammymama (Jun 20, 2010)

I don't view it as letting fear dictate my personal life (which I avoid as well), so much as a safety issue - the same thing that leads me to erf, delay/no vax, etc. It's simply what you are comfortable with in terms of the safety of your child - if you choose not to post your kids' pic on FC I don't think it implies that you're home hibernating, terrified of what "might be"... just saying...

And OP, I forgot to say - IMO it is definitely your right to ask people to respect your preferences on posting your kids' pics. It is your child - and there are so many other, less public ways for people to share images (something password protected that cannot be shared, for example, like snapfish or shutterfly - you can put darling captions on all pics there as well - and they can be shared only with trusted sources). That's what I do once a month for the extended/ far away family.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

I don't want people posting pics of my child online. I don't even have pics of my DD or even DH on my facebook page and I don't post pics of other people and/or their children. DH is not a fan of it and neither am I.

OP, I don't think your being irrational. One of my bestfriends coworker posted pics of them on a work trip on facebook and my friend flipped out. This REALLY bothers her. Her coworker doesn't understand why but she was still respectful enough to remove the photos.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sammymama* 
I'm not a huge FB user so I never really gave this much thought (rather, just admired pics of friends' kids) - UNTIL one of my really good friends started working for Child Protective Services, specifically the internet division. It is definitely not something any of us want to think about, but there definitely *are* people who are obtaining innocent images of babies/kids and using them in not very pleasant/legal ways. So I personally do not post any pics of my babe on FB, and thank anyone who has posted something with my babe in it and then delete it. I also have my settings on friends only, and am very selective about who is my friend. Like I said, I would not have given this much thought until hearing real-life (and very unsettling) thoughts from someone in the internet child-porn field. I'm sure it's one of those things where there is such a small percentage of it happening to you, but it just makes me feel better to refrain from it...


I just don't see how, even if someone "used" images of the kids for something, it would really make any difference to us. If someone wants images of kids, they can snap them on the street without anyone seeing. I mean, I take my kids to the beach - I don't know who might see them.

I don't think the possibility that someone might use them to kidnap my kids is very realistic either.


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## odenata (Feb 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
I just don't see how, even if someone "used" images of the kids for something, it would really make any difference to us. If someone wants images of kids, they can snap them on the street without anyone seeing. I mean, I take my kids to the beach - I don't know who might see them.

I don't think the possibility that someone might use them to kidnap my kids is very realistic either.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

I also don't care. There are so so so so many images of kids out there in the public domain that trying to put restrictions on how others use photos on facebook is just silly. Anyway, so what if a stranger looks at a picture of your child? Mamas gonna put all of her fears into you. Mama won't let anyone dirty get through.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

My leaning towards facebook/internet privacy for images of my kids is *not* so much about fear as it is about the feeling that my kids should grow up feeling that they *own* images of themselves and information about themselves as much as is realistic in the internet age.

Personally, I dislike googling myself and finding all kinds of info/pictures I never gave permission to be posted about me







. I'd dislike having all my own baby pictures floating out there; I try not to be excessive about putting pics of my own kids out there. I feel that they should have the right to choose how their online identity is created when they are older, not to grow up so much within an identity that their family has created for them online. There is enough of that in real life...just my opinion, though. I do think about my kids' future employers and romantic prospects googling them and somehow finding the stuff I put out there before I publish it.

I should probably go back and edit a lot of info about my kids out of my old mdc posts to be consistent, just in case my identity here is revealed. Someone did recognize me here once, someone I like and trust, but still....

ETA: I always imagine, what if my kid (or some family member close to them) ever became famous (or, gods forbid, infamous?). What dirt could the reporters dig up on 'em? As cute as it is, do I *really* want the pic of my son when he stripped himself down and painted his body all over with bright red paint at the age of two to turn up in his biography or on reality tv someday?


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## CherryBombMama (Jan 25, 2010)

i dont mind other family members taking pictures of my ds and posting it. my ds is adorable and i love to see how other people catch him in the moment









my brother, OTOH, is adopted and is actually my cousin, and we dont put up pictures of him on the internet. his birth parents havent seen him in years, so they dont know what he looks like. if they had a picture, there is a very high chance that his birth parents will try to kidnap him. his birth mom (my aunt) is a bit of a con artist.

so it all depends, i guess.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I'm totally okay with it. My rule is, no naked or bath photos on Facebook as they do attract creepies. My mom loves to see pictures of my kids other people post. All of them have their privacy settings set to "friends only".

I do see the point about not having your pictures out there, but then... we walk around every day and people could remember us and use our face in their memory, even if not on paper.

I used to feel differently. I don't know what changed. I guess I just realized... I can't really keep it all private. I mean, anyway, someone could get a picture of me from my mom!


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aubergine68* 
My leaning towards facebook/internet privacy for images of my kids is *not* so much about fear as it is about the feeling that my kids should grow up feeling that they *own* images of themselves and information about themselves as much as is realistic in the internet age.

Personally, I dislike googling myself and finding all kinds of info/pictures I never gave permission to be posted about me







. I'd dislike having all my own baby pictures floating out there; I try not to be excessive about putting pics of my own kids out there. I feel that they should have the right to choose how their online identity is created when they are older, not to grow up so much within an identity that their family has created for them online. There is enough of that in real life...just my opinion, though. I do think about my kids' future employers and romantic prospects googling them and somehow finding the stuff I put out there before I publish it.

I should probably go back and edit a lot of info about my kids out of my old mdc posts to be consistent, just in case my identity here is revealed. Someone did recognize me here once, someone I like and trust, but still....

ETA: I always imagine, what if my kid (or some family member close to them) ever became famous (or, gods forbid, infamous?). What dirt could the reporters dig up on 'em? As cute as it is, do I *really* want the pic of my son when he stripped himself down and painted his body all over with bright red paint at the age of two to turn up in his biography or on reality tv someday?









You have some excellent points, and I think that that's something for me to consider for sure.


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## rachieface (Mar 26, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
I just don't see how, even if someone "used" images of the kids for something, it would really make any difference to us. If someone wants images of kids, they can snap them on the street without anyone seeing. I mean, I take my kids to the beach - I don't know who might see them.

This. We live in the city and the other day my hubby and I were on the bus with our (admittedly adorable







) son, and an older woman could not stop talking about how cute he is. Next thing we knew, we looked over and she was covertly (well, not really but trying to be) taking cell phone pictures of him. LOTS of them. Yeah, it freaked me out and I thought about saying something, but she was definitely a little bit mentally "off" so I felt bad and let it go.

Anyway, that's just to say that in this age of technology, anyone really can take a picture of my son easily without me knowing it (most people are a bit more tech savvy than the elderly woman on the public bus, and it took me a few minutes to realize what she was doing). My sisters and J's grandparents live all over the world and absolutely love seeing his photos and we find facebook to be the easiest way to share them. My privacy settings are on friend's only, but even if they weren't I wouldn't be super concerned.


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## Ninetales (Jan 25, 2009)

I do allow it. Really the only person who posts pictures regularly is my mother because she is a hobby photographer. I don't have a problem with it because I have no reason to fear what anyone would do with such pictures.


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## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

No I don't allow it, especially on Facebook. Now Facebook owns your kids. Nobody seems to understand what they are giving away. The web is eternal.

It seems like a lot of parenting blogs are practically selling their lives and kids. Is the add revenue worth it? I fully expect their to plenty of bitter "blog kid" books in a few years. "my mom starved us to death for pretty pictures and it was all a lie"


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JudiAU* 
No I don't allow it, especially on Facebook. Now Facebook owns your kids. Nobody seems to understand what they are giving away. The web is eternal.

It seems like a lot of parenting blogs are practically selling their lives and kids. Is the add revenue worth it? I fully expect their to plenty of bitter "blog kid" books in a few years. "my mom starved us to death for pretty pictures and it was all a lie"

I'm more looking forward to whichever Duggar kid writes the "what it was really like" book.









I still don't have a problem with tagged photos. I love parenting blogs for getting a look inside families and I have only rarely seen things where I felt privacy was being violated. For the most part I admire the writers - I remember how isolating infertility was and how great it was to connect with people who were willing to write about how it really made them feel.

I have way, way more problems with things like "reward cards" where they match my every purchase to my area code to determine how many people in my area use Crest & read O Magazine. (And trust me...they do.) In the end people probably make about the same in discounts on those as they do on blog ad revenue on most blogs (not talking about the big ones).


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## Ninetales (Jan 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JudiAU* 
Nobody seems to understand what they are giving away.

Ok, then, please explain it to me. What am I giving away?

Honestly, I can understand people not wanting their kids' pictures posted online for whatever reason. Their choice, not mine. But I heavily resent the implication that I am ignorant or neglectful because I have looked into the issue and don't have a problem with it.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:

Now Facebook owns your kids
Really? I don't see any tags on them.









Facebook is not the only place I have pictures of my kids. I have pictures of them on Flickr as well. I also have my hard drive backed up!









I'm not sure if you understand that I'm really, truly okay with people seeing my kids in public and having their pictures out there. I don't think we have a choice, unless we stay in all day long or wear tchadris or something.


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## JessBB (Apr 10, 2007)

OP: I say this with all gentleness, but:
- You put pics of your kids on FB
- You blog about your family
- You come here, to a public forum, and talk about your in-laws and extended family a not-inconsiderate amount.

I think that if you decided to try and control how said in-laws (who prob have NO idea the things you've said about them here) post pics of your kids on fb, you'd be a wee bit hypocritical and it will NOT go well. I figure my options are media silence or acceptance that my kids are in the public domain. I've gone with the latter. GL.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
I just don't see how, even if someone "used" images of the kids for something, it would really make any difference to us. If someone wants images of kids, they can snap them on the street without anyone seeing. I mean, I take my kids to the beach - I don't know who might see them.

I don't think the possibility that someone might use them to kidnap my kids is very realistic either.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
I also don't care. There are so so so so many images of kids out there in the public domain that trying to put restrictions on how others use photos on facebook is just silly. Anyway, so what if a stranger looks at a picture of your child? Mamas gonna put all of her fears into you. Mama won't let anyone dirty get through.









again

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JudiAU* 
No I don't allow it, especially on Facebook. Now Facebook owns your kids. *Nobody seems to understand what they are giving away.* The web is eternal.

It seems like a lot of parenting blogs are practically selling their lives and kids. Is the add revenue worth it? I fully expect their to plenty of bitter "blog kid" books in a few years. "my mom starved us to death for pretty pictures and it was all a lie"

This seems a little more than fear based and overly dramatic, but I could be reading it wrong? Could you elaborate on what you mean exactly?


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## karemore (Oct 7, 2008)

I was uncomfortable when my sister first posted my daughter's photos on facebook. But now that I use facebook all the time it doesn't bother me.

I got some GREAT photos of my daughter that people posted from my sister's wedding this summer. It never occured to me to be upset that so many people were posting pics of my child. She WAS an awesome flower girl









Naked photos of course would be off limits, and anything that would embarrass her. Or if DD didn't want her photos on there. She often gets stopped at church or playgroups and getting complimented on things people saw on facebook.

In your situation I wouldn't say anything. If you didn't want their photos out there and didn't post them yourself it would be completely different.


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## April Dawn (Oct 31, 2009)

My MIL frequently posts photos of my son on facebook and I have been debating whether to ask her to remove them. She has no privacy settings set at all so ANYONE can see them and it makes me uncomfortable, but I don't know that she would remove them if I asked her to.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

I'm not particularly concerned about people posting pictures of my child online, or using them for promotional purposes, etc.

When it is family members, I enjoy the opportunity to look at them, and perhaps save a copy for myself.

Where I do draw a line is that I try to limit use of his name, or posting his name with his picture.

And even there, I guess it's fuzzy. I mean, a year ago we all went to a festival in town. And while I went to get us a soft drink, a newspaper photographer took a picture of them eating lunch together, and it was posted to the paper's website. Name, image, and town together.

There are similar, perhaps even higher risks, just shopping locally and using his name around strangers. When I moved to town and started going to church, it felt very strange telling neighbors and church members what his name is. It also felt strange when we started leaving him at preschool. Who knows what will happen there? At some point, you just have to trust that most people are not predators. That most people mean well.

Paired, naturally, with the commitment to supervise until he has the skills to minimize trouble. Speaking of which... we do need to start working with him about a few "what if?" situations, in a not-scary way.

From what I read, the predators who drive hundreds of miles to meet with a child, have usually corresponded with the child or parent online. DS is too young to type sense on the internet yet. Obviously I will have to lay down the rules for internet safety before he's allowed to use it unsupervised (and, hopefully, before he figures out how to use it by himself).


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

Don't care in the least. Most of what's out there is my fault, anyway. I post my son's pictures publicly myself, and he's been in the newspaper a few times, far outweighing anything others might post. His name is there too, and it would be absolutely trivial to find out exactly who and where he is (we're semi-public folks locally).
There is nothing that worries me about this in the least as far as his safety is concerned. If someone wanted to target a random child, internet sleuthing would be entirely unnecessary. Children are easy to find in real life in any community. It is also an extremely rare thing for anyone to do, predator or not (most predators attack kids they know). What people do with downloaded pictures will never get back to him, so I don't care about that either.
He's a toddler. I highly doubt prospective employers will care if they could sleuth around to find a picture of someone as a toddler with spaghetti sauce on his face, particularly when this will be true of so many people in his generation.
When he's old enough to express an opinion about whether or not he wants his pictures online, I'll respect it.


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## Kristine233 (Jul 15, 2003)

Doesn't bother me I guess. I don't post pictures of friends kids and i dont think they've posted any of mine. BUT family is a bit different. I trust my family to use good judgment in sharing pictures. My husband also has pictures of our kids on his photography website, doesn't bother me. My mom has called me and said "Hey, your kids are on the front of you local news website again" lol. She lives 4+ hours away and checks our news, mine have been shown on the front page of the newspaper several times and that means those pictures show up on internet too. (photographer always gets permission to use, obviously)


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

yes but no one is allowed to tag us.


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oaktreemama* 
I don't care in the least. I am not going to lose any sleep over the really remote chance someone MIGHT take my kid's picture and do "something" with it.

I want my far flung family to see regular pictures of my son and I know they love posting his pic and bragging on his cuteness. I don't let fear dictate my personal life and the enjoyment people get from my pictures and from posting their own.

Ditto all of this!


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## Mulvah (Aug 12, 2008)

I completely agree with a lot of *Aubergine68*'s points.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JessBB* 
OP: I say this with all gentleness, but:
- You put pics of your kids on FB
- You blog about your family
- You come here, to a public forum, and talk about your in-laws and extended family a not-inconsiderate amount.

I think that if you decided to try and control how said in-laws (who prob have NO idea the things you've said about them here) post pics of your kids on fb, you'd be a wee bit hypocritical and it will NOT go well....


In your situation, I do agree with this. I think it may be difficult for you to broach given the totality of your situation.


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## HRJ (Sep 2, 2010)

If you have pictures of your kids on a public blog, it probably doesn't matter too much. However, when my nephew was born, we asked my brother and SIL their permission to post photos of their baby. They were fine w/ it as long as our privacy settings were set to friends only. Which if they are set to friends only, you can't even tag the photo or click share (we found out). But I think it is only common courtesy for people to ask your permission first.

We have a Flickr account, and we set all our setting to Friends and Family only when my son's pictures were favorited by someone that appeared to be a pedaphile.


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## HRJ (Sep 2, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rachieface* 
This. We live in the city and the other day my hubby and I were on the bus with our (admittedly adorable







) son, and an older woman could not stop talking about how cute he is. Next thing we knew, we looked over and she was covertly (well, not really but trying to be) taking cell phone pictures of him. LOTS of them. Yeah, it freaked me out and I thought about saying something, but she was definitely a little bit mentally "off" so I felt bad and let it go.

.

This is what I hate about cell phones. Actually someone tried to do the same when we lived in Washington DC. My husband told her to stop and made her delete the photos. There is no reason that strangers need to take pictures of your kids - esp without asking.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

I've asked this on every thread that discusses this issue, and no one has ever really answered...

What is the fear/worry based on, exactly?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Family members post pictures of my kids on Facebook, and I'm fine with it. I don't honestly see any real safety issues.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

It doesn't bother me. I've never felt like I own some sort of copyright on my kids.


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## HRJ (Sep 2, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
I've asked this on every thread that discusses this issue, and no one has ever really answered...

What is the fear/worry based on, exactly?

When we went Friends and Family on Flickr, the fear was based on the fact that a child pedaphile had favorited pictures of my son. All of his other favorite photos were of naked, 7 yr old boys laying in beds or showering. I don't want photos of my kid stolen and put on child porn sites. The photos of my son were fully clothed, so why he liked my son's pictures are beyond me. And I have had photos of my kid stolen and found them on videos on youtube. All from Flickr. So we went private on Flickr.

ETA: My professional photographer friends on Flickr have had their photos stolen and put into print without their permission. And that makes them very mad b/c they are professionals, all the photos on Flickr are copyrighted, and they want to be paid if their work ends up in print. The people stealing them for ads need to pay for them.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Fine with me. It's not something I'm concerned about, and I post plenty of pics of my family online as it is - so other people doing so doesn't bother me.

Speaking of strangers doing it, there was a group of girls in front of us last night at a Halloween event while we were waiting in line and they thought our 3 boys looked so cute (they were dressed as Mario, Luigi, and Toad), and one of the girls snapped pics with her cell phone. They could end up on the world wide web. Doesn't bother me in the least. And I know people will say they would stop them from taking the pics in the first place, but those girls could have just been snapping pics of each other with us standing behind them - or someone from afar could have easily done it w/o us knowing. My new iphone has zoom as well as video, so I could discretely photograph or record anyone I wanted, I'm sure.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

This issue comes up here a lot, and for me it has less to do with photos and pedophiles and documented risks, and more to do with respecting your loved ones' wishes. If my friend or family member asked me not to post their kids' photos on Facebook, I wouldn't do it. I don't have to understand all their reasons, or make them present what I perceive to be an acceptable argument before I'll deign to do as they ask.

I accommodate my friends and family in all sorts of ways -- if they have a preference, then within reason I'll accommodate it, even if I don't understand or fully agree with it -- it's no skin off my nose.


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## goldenwillow (Jan 5, 2010)

I don't like it at all.

I just got married last weekend and found out that all our wedding pics taken by a cousin were on FB before I even got to see them! I don't have a FB account and never will. My MIL let me use her log in to see the pictures and when in the cousin's account, found a huge album of my DS! Holy crap!

I am not sure how to address this issue without hurting feelings. DH and I talked about it and decided to let it go. Sigh.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mckittre* 
What people do with downloaded pictures will never get back to him, so I don't care about that either.











Care, yes. Can I do anything about it? No. And does something done to/with DS' image hurt him? I don't believe so. So why worry?

I will say, just because I've posted photos to Facebook does NOT mean that everyone has access to them. I've always kept my photo albums on "Friends Only," and as my friends list grew I started making separate lists for friends, coworkers, less-well-known colleagues, family, etc. So most of my family photos are limited to people I know/knew well.

And as another PP has said, the ability to share my life with far-flung family and close friends is extremely valuable to me.


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
I just don't see how, even if someone "used" images of the kids for something, it would really make any difference to us. If someone wants images of kids, they can snap them on the street without anyone seeing. I mean, I take my kids to the beach - I don't know who might see them.

I don't think the possibility that someone might use them to kidnap my kids is very realistic either.

Yep. I wouldn't do naked pics of my kids online, but I wouldn't be having my kids prance around naked in public places, either.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JudiAU* 
No I don't allow it, especially on Facebook. Now Facebook owns your kids. Nobody seems to understand what they are giving away. The web is eternal.

ROTFL







:


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## Calee (May 10, 2008)

I know sometimes people in my life (particularly the older crowd







) don't always know how their privacy setting are set.

Could you possibly just address that? "Hey MIL, I noticed that you don't have your facebook privacy settings on-that means anyone and everyone in the whole world can see what you are saying and posting on your facebook-would you like me to tell you how to fix that so that only your friends can see your stuff?"

I don't allow my kids to be photographed in the tub or naked, because I don't trust that those pics would not end up on the net, and THAT makes me uncomfortable.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Xantho* 
I don't like it at all.

I just got married last weekend and found out that all our wedding pics taken by a cousin were on FB before I even got to see them! I don't have a FB account and never will. My MIL let me use her log in to see the pictures and when in the cousin's account, found a huge album of my DS! Holy crap!

I am not sure how to address this issue without hurting feelings. DH and I talked about it and decided to let it go. Sigh.

But why does it bother you? If you didn't want people to take photos, why not have a "no-camera" wedding?


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## sammymama (Jun 20, 2010)

Some of the (really) unpleasant things my friend who works for CPS services told me about: predators peruse FB and other non-password protected sites trolling for naked/semi-naked pictures of kids (bath time, pool time, etc). Aside from being material for masturbation, these images can be lifted and strung into videos that feature stills. These videos are then circulated through various mediums (online, films, etc). My friend is part of a team that busts these people... they go into their homes and they find this evidence. This is not someone being overly dramatic - just the sad facts.

So as far as saying, what does it matter to us if someone lifts my kids' images? Well... I personally am not at all comfortable with the thought of my baby being masturbation material for some random person. The probability of this happening? Probably not very high. But since there are so many other, safer ways to share pics with trusted sources, I am going to continue to go that way.


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## K1329 (Apr 6, 2009)

I just read an article that discussed an interesting aspect of posting pictures... wish I still had the link. Basically, the i-phone and some other cell phone cameras are equipped with GPS devices that encode location into your photos. When you then post a photo, a technically savvy person can decode the photo and get the GPS location that the photo was taken at - say, your backyard. This is a little scary to me. However, I seriously doubt that many people have the technical ability to do this. I know I don't! But, I did turn off the GPS location option on my cell phone camera just to be on the safe side.

OP, I wouldn't ask my family to remove pictures unless they were inappropriate. But, I'm not entirely comfortable with it, either.


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## HRJ (Sep 2, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
This issue comes up here a lot, and for me it has less to do with photos and pedophiles and documented risks, and more to do with respecting your loved ones' wishes. If my friend or family member asked me not to post their kids' photos on Facebook, I wouldn't do it. I don't have to understand all their reasons, or make them present what I perceive to be an acceptable argument before I'll deign to do as they ask.

I accommodate my friends and family in all sorts of ways -- if they have a preference, then within reason I'll accommodate it, even if I don't understand or fully agree with it -- it's no skin off my nose.









Well said.


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## SnowSparrow (Sep 1, 2010)

It's not a security/creep factor for me. No one who doesn't live in the area can even _find_ our town easily, let alone us, and I don't believe all the hysteria and hype the media leads us on to.
It's something that was mentioned by a previous poster. What happens when in 5, 10, 15 years, they look and find childhood pictures of themselves all over the internet? Ones they didn't consent to being posted? If they want pictures of themselves on the internet, it should be something they consent to, to me. So I don't post their full names or their pictures anywhere, out of respect for them both now and in the future.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I couldn't care less although I do insist people respect my children's desire to not be tagged. I rarely tag people in pictures and would rather let them do it themselves. If I do tag someone and they untag it I respect that and make sure no one else tags it.

But as far as people posting pictures. I don't care. Even if people do creepy sick stuff with the pictures i still don't care. Those images are not my children. They are not hurting my children.

When I notice someone facebook is not locked down I do tell them or their parents (I check my dds friends a lot). They are always grateful I told them. I really think a lot of people don't realize how public their site is.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

I'm still kicking this around and am still extremely conflicted about it. I am most likely going to make our blog private, and allow only family and friends access to it. I really feel the need to go back and edit many of my posts on here as well. I just feel like the internet is both a blessing and a curse. It has been such a great thing, mostly because of the abundance of knowledge.

One of my thoughts that keeps re-entering my brain is that, since most of the people who post the pictures etc. see my DDs and I on a regular basis, as well as all of the people who comment/like the photo... then there is no real need for the photos to be out there. The distant relatives all see us via Skype every once in awhile.

My DH just got a SmartPhone and we had the talk about the Geo Tag issue today, and he agreed not to post them anywhere other than his very private facebook (a few friends from work and a few close family members).

I think I'm going to limit things to one or two photos of my kids on my very private facebook, and that's it. I just don't know who's friends are who and who's tech savvy enough to set thigns to private or not.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

There's a way to turn off that geotracking thing on the phone. If you google, it should come up.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

User Content Posted on the FB Site
"When you post User Content to the Site, *you authorize and direct us to* make such copies thereof as we deem necessary in order to facilitate the posting and storage of the User Content on the Site. *By posting User Content to any part of the Site, you automatically grant, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant, to the Company* an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to use, copy, publicly perform, publicly display, reformat, translate, excerpt (in whole or in part) and distribute such User Content for any purpose, commercial, advertising, or otherwise, on or in connection with the Site or the promotion thereof, to prepare derivative works of, or incorporate into other works, such User Content, and to grant and authorize sublicenses of the foregoing. *You may remove your User Content from the Site at any time. If you choose to remove your User Content, the license granted above will automatically expire, however you acknowledge that the Company may retain archived copies of your User Content.* Facebook does not assert any ownership over your User Content; rather, as between us and you, subject to the rights granted to us in these Terms, you retain full ownership of all of your User Content and any intellectual property rights or other proprietary rights associated with your User Content."


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I never ever post other people's children's pictures without asking. I never ask, so I never post. I would ask if I did, but so far, there has been nothing I have wanted to post enough to ask.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

CBS news (Channel 2 for New Yorkers) is posting a special on the pitfalls of posting photos online tonight for anyone interested.


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

after an experience with a dear friend. she posted pix of her kids on line and so it didn't dawn on me that it would be an issue to post a picture of our dds together. i was wrong. she was mad. so i took it down. now it is my rule that i ask before i post and if they want i show them the picture i might post. usually now, i just avoid posting pictures with other peoples kids in them. and i have made that my rule for my kids too. ask me, i will usually say yes... but ask.

h


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## goldenwillow (Jan 5, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
But why does it bother you? If you didn't want people to take photos, why not have a "no-camera" wedding?


It bothers me because I didn't have a choice as to what was/is posted. We did hire a photographer and had no idea that other pics were taken. Maybe that was a detail (no camera wedding) that we failed to address.


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## goldenwillow (Jan 5, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaofthree* 
after an experience with a dear friend. she posted pix of her kids on line and so it didn't dawn on me that it would be an issue to post a picture of our dds together. i was wrong. she was mad. so i took it down. now it is my rule that i ask before i post and if they want i show them the picture i might post. usually now, i just avoid posting pictures with other peoples kids in them. and i have made that my rule for my kids too. ask me, i will usually say yes... but ask.

h

I like your willingness to ask prior to posting. It is a matter of privacy to some (like myself) and I appreciate that even you liked to be asked before pictures are posted.


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
This issue comes up here a lot, and for me it has less to do with photos and pedophiles and documented risks, and more to do with respecting your loved ones' wishes. If my friend or family member asked me not to post their kids' photos on Facebook, I wouldn't do it. I don't have to understand all their reasons, or make them present what I perceive to be an acceptable argument before I'll deign to do as they ask.

I accommodate my friends and family in all sorts of ways -- if they have a preference, then within reason I'll accommodate it, even if I don't understand or fully agree with it -- it's no skin off my nose.









this is very well said. i now error on the side of them not wanting it and always ask! it isn't that hard to do.

h


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## mama1803 (Mar 4, 2008)

No, I don't post pics of my kids online and do not allow others to do so. I don't want my kids having an online presence (they are 7 and 3 years old).


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## Tjej (Jan 22, 2009)

So would you all be bothered if your kids were IN a picture but weren't named? My DH puts some pics of the kids on My Space and sometimes our friends kids are in them (of course everyone is fully clothed and all that). No names - would it still bother you?

Tjej


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## anj_rn (Oct 1, 2009)

My husband and I have been adament from the beginning that no one will post pics of our children, or email pics except for us. I have to get on my MIL constantly about this (especially the emailing). Lst year I had someone I did not know post my daughter's pic on their facebook page (they know MIL) . I contacted them to remove it, when they did not I contacted the webmester and had it removed.

That being said, my DH works in information security, and our dear friend is a probation officer for sex offenders, so we are overzealous.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anj_rn* 
My husband and I have been adament from the beginning that no one will post pics of our children, or email pics except for us. I have to get on my MIL constantly about this (especially the emailing). Lst year I had someone I did not know post my daughter's pic on their facebook page (they know MIL) . I contacted them to remove it, when they did not I contacted the webmester and had it removed.

That being said, my DH works in information security, and our dear friend is a probation officer for sex offenders, so we are overzealous.

So does my DH, and I still don't have a problem with it.

I can't put my head around what the risk actually IS. I understand there's a fear of...something...that scares people when they think of this method of sharing pictures, I just can't figure out what the ACTUAL threat is, that doesn't already exist by non-electronic activities.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama1803* 
No, I don't post pics of my kids online and do not allow others to do so.

Yep. My kids are teens. They do have a small online presence but my hubby monitors their privacy setting and we insist that photos be taken from odd angles or obscured so that they are less recognizable.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
Yep. My kids are teens. They do have a small online presence but my hubby monitors their privacy setting and we insist that photos be taken from odd angles or obscured so that they are less recognizable.

This is in style, actually







When I was in high school (a few years ago) they were called "myspace angles" or "the angles" or "emo angles".









So DH and I had a long discussion about this and decided that we don't our children's pictures on facebook or on any other public site at all. Not even posted by us.

We sent out a message to all family and close friends kindly asking them to not post pictures of our daughters, not use any identifiable information, and to remove pictures that they may already have.

MIL has been on FB and hasn't removed the two ALBUMS full of pictures of my kids yet. I'm going to have DH deal with her on that.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responded to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over her and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um....







At least she took the pictures down...


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responed to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over here and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um....







At least she took the pictures down...

That sucks. I get that not everyone agrees, but this is just ridiculous -- I'm sorry she was so rude.


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## Mulvah (Aug 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tjej* 
So would you all be bothered if your kids were IN a picture but weren't named? My DH puts some pics of the kids on My Space and sometimes our friends kids are in them (of course everyone is fully clothed and all that). No names - would it still bother you?

Tjej

You know, I'm in the camp of not wanting photos online, but I don't know that I would mind _as much_ if they weren't named. I still wouldn't like it, but I don't know that it would bother me as much and probably not enough to say something.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responded to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over her and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um....







At least she took the pictures down...

I would ignore the sarcastic response and just be happy she removed them.







She can say what she wants, yanno?


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## KayTeeJay (Jul 22, 2008)

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. My MIL, on the other hand, frets about anything posted online about my DS or her other grandchild. She is sweet, and I know it comes from a place of love. I don't post pics of other people's kids as a rule, but if I did and someone wanted me to delete them, I absolutely would.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mulvah* 
I would ignore the sarcastic response and just be happy she removed them.







She can say what she wants, yanno?

So true









So far MIL, FIL, and SIL have all been on FB since the message was sent have not removed any of them that they have up


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
So does my DH, and I still don't have a problem with it.

I can't put my head around what the risk actually IS. I understand there's a fear of...something...that scares people when they think of this method of sharing pictures, I just can't figure out what the ACTUAL threat is, that doesn't already exist by non-electronic activities.

Yah. I agree that it is a violation if someone takes a child's picture and uses it for nefarious and icky purposes but...ultimately this is not much of a threat to my child's actual safety. I'm sure a very motivated pedophile could become obsessed with my child on the Internet...or at the grocery store, farmer's market, etc.

I always remember what an investigator said in an interview up here. Child porn, the real stuff, is not manufactured porn but evidence of a real crime being committed. When I weigh that against someone bothering to download an innocuous picture and Photoshop it I just don't feel it's worth the loss (to my mind) of my big extended family & friends spread out over continents sharing pictures.

That said, I do think that there are real risks online, but they mostly come at a different stage - teen years mainly. But that's different.

I agree with privacy concerns on the one hand - and on the other, as a journalist I know the standard is "reasonable expectation of privacy." So no bathrooms, people's own private homes, etc. If you're at a wedding and in a group shot, I'm not sure there's a reasonable expectation of privacy. However, if you're passed out in your bedroom and someone thinks that it's cute to put underwear on your head and take a picture, that kind of is. I intend to educate my child about the difference and use that as a way to discuss what should be posted.

I also think the courteous thing to do is ask, and take pictures down if asked. But as for the question of whether I'm concerned for my kid - not any more than I am with him here.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
Urgh, I'm already being mocked. One person who is a friend MILs (late 20s, not old by any means!) is making a mockery of me and responded to the message saying that she's doing the same because the paparazzi is all over her and she can't even go to Target anymore. Her son and my DD are great friends, which is why she's my "friend". Oy...

Um....







At least she took the pictures down...

Why couldn't she just remove the photos without the snark? It's one of the things that really irritates me. I can understand someone who doesn't think posting others photos is a big deal but wish they would understand it's sometimes a big deal for other people.


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## Ninetales (Jan 25, 2009)

I am aware of the copying and use bit in the Facebook ToS and it doesn't bother me.

I of course would honor anyone's request if they didn't want their kids' pictures posted. But it really, honestly, flat out does not bother me regarding my kids.


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## oaktreemama (Oct 12, 2010)

Quote:

Yah. I agree that it is a violation if someone takes a child's picture and uses it for nefarious and icky purposes but...ultimately this is not much of a threat to my child's actual safety. I'm sure a very motivated pedophile could become obsessed with my child on the Internet...or at the grocery store, farmer's market, etc.

I always remember what an investigator said in an interview up here. Child porn, the real stuff, is not manufactured porn but evidence of a real crime being committed. When I weigh that against someone bothering to download an innocuous picture and Photoshop it I just don't feel it's worth the loss (to my mind) of my big extended family & friends spread out over continents sharing pictures.
Well said. Frankly the sheer volume of material available on the internet actually makes me feel safer. There is just too much stuff out there for me to worry.

I do not post pics of others on my FB page w/o permission-but this is a common courtesy that has nothing to do with safety.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I think the relationship maintenance and community building of social sites like Facebook is a bigger benefit than the incredibly small to non-existent risk of a kid's picture being online. That's why it doesn't bother me. Our family is very scattered and Facebook is the way we keep up with each other, and especially each other's kids. It's been really good for our extended family.


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## CBEmomma (Oct 24, 2010)

I let my sister have pictures of my kids on her FB page. I know pretty much everyone on her FB page and her albums are private. I don't want other friends to put them on there though because there are many people I don't know on their profiles and I've just nicely asked them not to do that and they understood.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)




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## gaudynight (Sep 10, 2007)

I don't have a problem with people posting pics of my kids. I guess I would if there was a potentially embarrassing photo (there never has been) and if there was I'd ask them to take it down, but photos of them with their faces painted or at the beach with friends... it just doesn't bother me.

But I also believe people should respect the parents wishes. I've never been asked to take down a photo of a friend's kid (I only post pics of kids whose parents have fb and post pics of them) but if I was, I would. Or maybe just blur the kid out if that was ok with them and it was otherwise a good pic of mine or someone elses kid. I don't think I get to judge other peoples reasons and I can understand why the issues might bother some people.


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