# New kitten - toddlers and new pets - bad idea?



## lizabird (Jan 19, 2004)

We decided to get a kitten a few weeks ago and our fairly calm house has become a crazy insane place. If the kitty were just here with 2 adults, we'd all be fine. But my toddler, who is great with other people's pets, yells at, screams at, grabs, smashes, and generally terrorizes this poor little cat. I find myself yelling at DS to stop pulling the cat's tail, stop screaming, stop kicking the cat, etc. and we're all a bit miserable at the moment.







:

So now I am trying to decide if I should give the cat up again and just wait until he's a little older (plus we have baby #2 due in October and I can't imagine my life with 2 kids, let alone 2 kids and a kitten that one child loves to scream at all day...) which would be sad for me because I (used to) like cats, but I think overall the happiest thing to do for everyone. Or should I stick it out because it's possible that DS will suddenly resolve to love this cat and become very gentle with it (wishful thinking?!?).

Any insight or suggestions are appreciated









Thanks,
lizabird


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## lizabird (Jan 19, 2004)

No one has any input here?


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## dogmama (May 24, 2005)

Oh, you are in a tough spot. When you say kitten, how old is it? There are a few issues for you to consider. When I worked at a humane society we discouraged toddler/kitten combos, in part because kittens terrorized by children can grow into fearful, defensive adults. Of course there is also the safety for human and animal. You've got a huge job in supervising every interaction, and removing someone when things get too rough. I can't imagine trying to do that while pregnant. If the cat is older and able to get away, it probably can handle things pretty well. If this is a very young animal, I hate to say it but it might be safer to find a different home. I'm sorry you're in such a spot- good luck.


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## mummy marja (Jan 19, 2005)

We got a kitten just under a year ago. My kids were 3 and 14 months at the time, and the kitten was about 3 months old, not really tiny like they usually are when you first get them, so she was better able to run away when she needed to. Both kids loved her and wanted to be with her all the time. the 3-year-old quickly learned what the cat liked and didn't like (she would get a nasty scratch if she was too rough) but it took a little longer with DS. He is still a little too rough sometimes (crawling right over top of the cat, squeezing too hard, etc.)

How long have you had the kitten? If it's only been a week or two, I would try a little longer to see if he just needed to get used to the kitten. If it's been awhile, I would consider giving the cat away. Maybe your Ds is just not ready for it. On the other hand, maybe it's good practice for him to get used to a small creature who needs gentle handling.

When we first got our cat and the kids were adjusting to her, a friend told me that kids will often show all the negativity they feel towards their parent to the pet...you know, hurting something that you care about to get back at you. I don't think this was the case with us, and I'm not in any way saying it is in your situation either! Just something to think about.


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## lizabird (Jan 19, 2004)

The kitten is about 12 weeks old and can certainly fend for himself. We've had it for just 2 weeks now. I'm in this fierce debate with myself whether it's worth my sanity to wait another few weeks or months until DS works out his relationship with the kitty, or just go ahead and pass it along to someone else.

DS is working on his "gentle" interactions today, but still gets too rough, and it's mostly that he just screams at it all the time which is totally driving me batty.

Dogmama, Funny you should mention your humane society work. All the "official" pet adoption agencies around here won't let families adopt a new pet with a kid under the age of 5. We got our kitty from a "free to a good home" posting. We actually had a cat when DS was born but it ran away almost exactly a year ago (absolutely nothing to do with DS, he barely even noticed the cat at that point in his life). I think if we had an older cat, 1 yr or older maybe, he'd be fine with it, but the kitten phase is the problem because it wants to play with all DS' toys, runs and climbs on everything, and is your typical active kitty. When we visit friends with older cats, he's totally calm around them. I don't know, still debating. yes-no-yes-no-yes-no...


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Yeah, unfortunately I would have to say to find the kitty a new home. I am very much a 'forever home' gal when it comes to pets, the exception being the health and safety of the humans and the animal. When I volunteered at the animal rescue shelter, we did not allow kittines or puppies to be placed in a home with children under 3, or with anyone who was pregnant.







: It was an unspoken rule, but it was generally good to follow. If it is stressing you out and you are yelling at your child, it's probably not a good time for a kitty. If you are stressed now, and are adding a baby to the mix, it's probably not a good time. You dont want to set your dc up for frustration, since babies and toddlers just CAN NOT be gentle enough for a kitten, no matter how many times you show/tell them. They are just not capable yet. Hope you can find a good solution for your family. I know this must be a hard decision.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lizabird*
We decided to get a kitten a few weeks ago and our fairly calm house has become a crazy insane place. If the kitty were just here with 2 adults, we'd all be fine. But my toddler, who is great with other people's pets, yells at, screams at, grabs, smashes, and generally terrorizes this poor little cat. I find myself yelling at DS to stop pulling the cat's tail, stop screaming, stop kicking the cat, etc. and we're all a bit miserable at the moment.







:

So now I am trying to decide if I should give the cat up again and just wait until he's a little older (plus we have baby #2 due in October and I can't imagine my life with 2 kids, let alone 2 kids and a kitten that one child loves to scream at all day...) which would be sad for me because I (used to) like cats, but I think overall the happiest thing to do for everyone. Or should I stick it out because it's possible that DS will suddenly resolve to love this cat and become very gentle with it (wishful thinking?!?).

Any insight or suggestions are appreciated









Thanks,
lizabird


LOL..me having 2 young kids and pets...I UNDERSTAND. 1 of 2 things need to happen. You can try to teach him how to treat animals. This is the number 1 reason why breeders won't give *particularly small breed puppies* to people with young children. In fear that ppl will allow kids to play a little rough, causing the puppy to be injured or angry so that it bites the kids...then parents get upset and give it away/take it to the pound. The second thing is, that you can rehome the kitten and wait until your son understands better. With my kids (I HAVE to a pets, I'm a huggggeee animal lover) I basically would sit down, let them pet the pup and tell this "THIS is the way " Explain specifically what and what not to do. My kids also aren't allowed to pick up ANY animals. Just pet. I've fostered a few preggy dogs...the reason why I was approved from the shelter was because from day 1, my kids were around animals and each and every day are familiar with how they are supposed to be handled. It takes time. My kids at first pulled ears and everything, but it takes you teaching and telling them how the animal feels. Example: "If you pull on her ears, it will hurt her...and you love her, don't you?" SOmetimes small kids truly don't mean any harm in anything. They just don't know. I had a friend whose dog had puppies...she had 3 little boys and they would pick the newborn pups up, choke them, throw them in the air...I couldn't beleive it...My dog, Dottie, was pregnant when we rescued her from the pound. My kids were NEVER allowed to pick up the puppies. Just pet them and help feed them. Anyway, I'm rambling lol...BUT don't lose hope just yet. GIve it a week or so for PROGRESS. Things aren't gonna be perfect right off the bat. But take a few minutes out of the day to properly show your son how to play with the kitten. Because an adult cat might not take too much abuse without retaliation. Also, your son may be a bit jealous. My neighbor got a pup and her son hated it, but would come over to play with mine all the time. Involve your son in the cats feedings..let him help. Let him pick out toys for the cat. He may just be acting out of jealousy..you know boys love their mommas







Anyway, I wish you the best of luck...until then, be cAREFUL changing kitty litter while pregnant!!


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

There is a good book called "Tails are not for Pulling" (I think) for toddlers. My DD loves animals and we have several but it is an on-going battle, she is nearly 2.5 but slowly getting better. The book did help. It would be tough with a new-born too though.


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