# Child repeats the same thing over and over until he gets what he wants.



## germin8 (Jul 20, 2010)

How do you get a child to stop saying the same thing over and over? DS is persistent. 2 years and 3 months old. If he wants something, he will say it over and over until it is done. This is extremely annoying and disrespectful especially since we tell DS "no" or "wait". He continues.

I don't know how to make him stop...

Ideas?


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

This is a really common behavior in toddlers. It's called echolalia, and he's not trying to be stubborn or demanding. 

Sometimes, with toddlers, you just have to get into a zen place and let things wash over you. The kid who says "cookie" all afternoon is just background noise. It will be easier to change the subject when he's a little older.


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## usually-lurking (Feb 10, 2015)

A little correction. From Wikipedia : "Echolalia (also known as echologia or echophrasia [1] ) is the automatic repetition of vocalizations made by another person (by the same person is called palilalia). "

Not the best source, but it describes the condition well. Echolalia is automatic, and would not stop when you give the child a cookie, or whatever it is the child is repeating. The ability to stop at will makes it voluntary, not automatic.

To answer the original question, I, too, think it is pretty typical behavior. And annoying. Keeping calm, as was suggested, and perhaps singing a silly song ("I reaaally want a cookie now"), may help? Every parent seems to have to find what works for her/his family.

I recall other threads on this subject. It would be good to have a sticky thread where everyone can post what works in their families.


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## LTurtle (Aug 7, 2012)

germin8 said:


> How do you get a child to stop saying the same thing over and over? DS is persistent. 2 years and 3 months old. If he wants something, he will say it over and over until it is done. This is extremely annoying and disrespectful especially since we tell DS "no" or "wait". He continues.
> 
> I don't know how to make him stop...
> 
> Ideas?


Repeat it back. That's it, simple yet effective with the vast majority of young children. They want to be acknowledged and to know that they are understood. For example;

My toddler son comes into the kitchen while I'm cooking and wants to be picked up. He expresses this by getting in the way of where I'm walking and saying "Mama up now" on repeat until I answer.
I reply, "do you want me to pick you up?" or some other yes/no question repeating his words back to him. (does Ronan want up with Mama? Is another). He answers yes and I either pick him up or tell him why I can't and when I will. Such as "I can't pick you up because my hands are wet. Let me dry them off and then I'll pick you up."

This scenario happens daily at my house. Usually my son doesn't repeat his requests that much because I try to answer him the first time, but he does do it (especially with Daddy) until he gets answered with his own words repeated back. This is really normal behavior for toddlers and young children. Yes it can get annoying but it's not disrespectful, they're just now learning how to get what they want with words.

"You want a cookie? No cookies right now, but you can have one after lunch." is a much more satisfying response for a toddler than a simple "no." even though he doesn't get the cookie either way.

Also, children this age cannot wait patiently for more than a few minutes (literally 2-5) and have no sense of time. "in a minute" means nothing to them, but "after I take off my coat and put my bag away" is something they can understand. Keep it simple and concrete, use their own words repeated back, and they really will listen.


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## ian'smommaya (Jun 7, 2004)

LTurtle said:


> Repeat it back. That's it, simple yet effective with the vast majority of young children. They want to be acknowledged and to know that they are understood. For example;
> 
> My toddler son comes into the kitchen while I'm cooking and wants to be picked up. He expresses this by getting in the way of where I'm walking and saying "Mama up now" on repeat until I answer.
> I reply, "do you want me to pick you up?" or some other yes/no question repeating his words back to him. (does Ronan want up with Mama? Is another). He answers yes and I either pick him up or tell him why I can't and when I will. Such as "I can't pick you up because my hands are wet. Let me dry them off and then I'll pick you up."
> ...


Yes! I found talking to people in a language they can understand regardless of their age (with in limits, of course) to be the most effective form of communication.


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## germin8 (Jul 20, 2010)

Thank you for the replies.

LTurtle, that is so true about not having concept of time. I do say, you can have ... after I finish eating. And, he watches me like a hawk. On my last bite, he reminds me.

I do recall they repeat things so they learn how to enunciate or speak. I just don't think this was the case here.

I will try to acknowledge him more (2nd child) but he is my defiant child and doesn't like "no"... no matter how nicely I put it. 

Thank you... all great replies!!!! I feel better now.


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## Shainab86 (Mar 24, 2015)

Hi there! I work with children with behavioral difficulties and we get this a lot. It is tough to say exactly what the function is without knowing more but if he is repeating requests such as wanting something, there is a chance that at some point he learned that if he asks enough, he will get what he wants. There is also the chance that he is engaging in the repeating behavior to get attention, whether it be positive or negative attention. True echolalia is not as common as identifying a possible function for the repetition and being able to stop it based on its function and appropriate reaction.


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## macy (Feb 22, 2010)

I generally say one or two times, "I understand, you want a cookie, maybe when we go to the grocery store next week we can get a cookie" or "Let me write cookies on our grocery list right now." I have to remind myself not to repeat myself over and over when my child asks the same thing over and over because then the behavior continues longer. I think it's ok to say you already answered that and then act busy working/cleaning until they are done.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

LTurtle said:


> Repeat it back. That's it, simple yet effective with the vast majority of young children. They want to be acknowledged and to know that they are understood.


I totally agree, both my kids do this until I say what they said to me, back. It wears on you, that's for sure.


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## caserpode (Apr 3, 2015)

they're just now learning how to get what they want with words.


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## DrRonRogge (Apr 4, 2015)

*persistence is a good thing*

I know it can be tiring, and I am not trying to minimize that. However, I would add that seeing that level of commitment and persistence is also pretty great.


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## Sol_y_Paz (Feb 6, 2009)

When asked a question you can say "asked and answered", rinse and repeat as often as needed. Smile, you can be very upbeat about it too. It is catchy and also gets your point across.

Also the cookie example; you can make fake cookies too in the play kitchen etc. and really get into that game. Ask what kind, get creative, etc.


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