# What does the hospital do with our little ones?



## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

I know this is hard, but I can't find any answers. I called so many departments of the hospital I was at. I kept getting bounced back from the ER to Pathology. Pathology said if there is anything in my records it will be there, but she wouldn't tell me what they do with the baby, due to HIPA. It's very frustrating. I was in too much shock to ask while we were there where they took our baby or if we could have it back, and now I can't get any answers. Everyone seemed a bit stunned when I was asking, I don't think anyone calls about this.
Has anyone else delt with this? Will it be in the report what they did? I'm still waiting for ours.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

It probably depends how far along you were. Have you tried calling the hospital chaplain or ombudsman? They might be able to track down an answer for you.

HIPAA is a load of crap answer because you are the parent - they have to tell you. And, if they don't consider your little one to be a "person" because of gestational age then it is definitely yours and they need to tell you.

I would guess that if you had a miscarriage prior to 20 weeks they would consider the fetus "medical waste." I know that other moms have had to jump through hoops to be able to bring their babies (earlier than 20 weeks) home for burial.


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## kcparker (Apr 6, 2008)

My friend's baby was born at 20 weeks, and the hospital treated his body as "medical waste," despite her asking for him back. They just sent a sheaf of paperwork to her and no answer about what they did with him. Be persistent, because she still feels guilty/sad that he was 'abandoned' at the hospital (even though it was the hospital's doing that they didn't get him back). If there's a patient representative at your hospital, you could also call this person. At the hospital where I doula, the PR is the person who takes names and kicks butt, so to speak, and they are the most likely to get you answers. I also agree about HIPPA being a bogus reason for not 'fessing up. You can also pull the "Well, can I speak with your supervisor please?" if whoever is on the phone with you isn't giving you good answers.


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## luv-my-boys (Dec 8, 2008)

Im so sorry for your loss. I have been there too and it is not only confusing,emotional draining but upsetting as well. I would suggest you contact a patient liason or patient advocate. Most hospitals have something similar but it may go by several names.

(please dont get upset with what I will tell I simply want you know what we encountered and what I know having worked in a hospital as a nurse.)

Inform them of your wishes immediately but dont be suprised if the remains have been disposed of because they were *medical waste* it is quite common. Unfortunately if you wish to receive the remains it may be too late. Either because they have been disposed or because they wont be able to retrieve them for you as it would be with other items deemed medical waste. If however you simply want to know what happened to your baby's remains they should be able to tell you. Hippa is a load of crap in this case because it involves YOUR medical information. Depending on how far along your baby is some states require certain testing or sampling be done. Pathology would have info on that. If you are still stone walled you have every legal right (this is where YOU pull your HIPPA card







) and have them release your medical records in its entirety. There may be more information in them.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

Our son was born in the second tri, but prior to 20 weeks and they straight out told me he was a "product of conception" that would be "disposed of" with other "medical waste" post autopsy. The truth is though that you have a right to your baby. I fought for it, but I did get him released to a funeral home and had him cremated. We've got his urn and I am really thankful that I was able to get him back.

I say this whenever a thread like this comes up because I want moms to know that if, God forbid, something like this happens to them that they have a RIGHT to have their baby back and that they should make it known from the first moment that that is what they want (if it is, in fact, what they want).

Hugs, mama. I'm sorry they didn't inform you of your rights. I really, really wish that hospitals would be forthcoming with mothers instead of assuming that we wouldn't want our babies. This isn't ALL hospitals or healthcare workers, of course, but I wish it was more common to discuss what mothers want as long as it is practical to do so. I understand in some cases that there simply aren't any remains. But if there are, it should be the choice of the family who loved that baby to decide what happens to them...not just something that's assumed and shoved under the rug.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I lost my little one at 17 weeks and the hospital was very respectful. Treated the baby as a baby&#8230; dressed her, took pictures, we all held her, the staff nurses and my midwife! I chose to have an "autopsy" on the baby and we then had her cremated. The hospital paid for the cremation as well as the urn and the memory jewelry!

It makes me sick to think of hospitals just disposing of them as medical waste. I really wasn't even aware that this happens these days!














I'm so sorry to anyone who had to go through that....


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## MarilynP (Nov 25, 2008)

my baby was stillborn at 19 weeks... they took her away to get cleaned up and stuff but then brought her back to me and let me keep her for as long as I wanted... I was kind of out of it at the time so I didn't think to ask about what happens to the baby etc... I just assumed someone would ask me what I wanted done but no one did.. I finally asked a nurse a few days later and she said she would have been disposed of as medical waste... I was kind of upset because we had wanted to cremate her and spread her ashes somewhere..


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## amberchap (Jan 14, 2007)

I know one local hospital on the babies born before they are deemed stillborn are taken and cremated. Then the ashes are added to a memorial at the cemetery for the lost babies. Another friend asked for her baby back after they did testing and had her cremated so they could keep her ashes at home.


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## jchawkes (Nov 16, 2005)

I think it depends on where you live. I work as an L/D RN in Texas, and here, if the baby was over 20 weeks, it has to be buried. Those babies will go to the morgue to be picked up by a funeral home.

Under 20 weeks, the parents are given a choice (at least at the hospital I work at) if they want to bury, cremate, or let the hospital dispose of the baby. There is also a memorial garden at the hospital for those that choose cremation by the hospital.








mama


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## GMum (Apr 25, 2008)

I have no advice but I wanted to say that I am so very sorry for your loss mama.







. Please take care.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I hope I'm not hijacking this thread at all&#8230; But I was wondering if maybe the type of hospital you have the baby at makes any difference? The hospital I used it more religious affiliated, not a teaching hospital, so maybe that is why they don't do the "medical waste" thing with the baby&#8230; I can imagine a teaching hospital being less, uh&#8230; supportive to a mom's feelings in that respect.

Ugh, I am really bothered by this. I had no idea.


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## MarilynP (Nov 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion* 
I hope I'm not hijacking this thread at all&#8230; But I was wondering if maybe the type of hospital you have the baby at makes any difference? *The hospital I used it more religious affiliated, not a teaching hospital, so maybe that is why they don't do the "medical waste" thing with the baby&#8230;* I can imagine a teaching hospital being less, uh&#8230; supportive to a mom's feelings in that respect.

Ugh, I am really bothered by this. I had no idea.









no, I don't think that makes a difference.. the hospital I was in was a Catholic hospital.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I have always wondered about this. How very sad that the hospital is giving some of you a hard time. How very hartless and cold in such a time of great sorrow and pain.

Hugs to all you mommas


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## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

Thank you everyone. The pathologyst would not help me at all. The report says, well, the hospital would have taken care of the baby. And since it's been 2 weeks today, there's no way we'll be able to get any remains back. It's just horrible that they do this to families.
I was furious with them yesterday. Everyone I spoke to I told we did not sign anything regarding what would happen to our baby. It's like they just have this process they do for babies under 20 weeks and they don't inform the parents or give them an option. I'm pretty irritated at some of the things that happened there and when I'm finally ready to, I'm writing a letter to the administrator, with copies to the ER. Maybe it will help another mom some day.
Big hugs to all of you.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion* 
I hope I'm not hijacking this thread at all&#8230; But I was wondering if maybe the type of hospital you have the baby at makes any difference? The hospital I used it more religious affiliated, not a teaching hospital, so maybe that is why they don't do the "medical waste" thing with the baby&#8230; I can imagine a teaching hospital being less, uh&#8230; supportive to a mom's feelings in that respect.

Ugh, I am really bothered by this. I had no idea.









Here, at the University teaching hospitals, the parents are always given a choise. No matter what week the baby is born in, it's always the parents' choise.

OP, I'm sorry this happend to you.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

I am so terribly sorry this happened to you. I remember crying to the docotor that I couldn't stand for them to throw my baby away when I was told that he had died. He was very compassionate as were all the staff at the hospital. When he was born...so tiny...they were respectful and caring. Told me he was a perfect and beautiful baby, wrapped him in a tiny blue blanket and let us hold him for over 12 hours. He was cremated and given to us a long with tiny little plaster molds of his perfect feet and hands.

You deserved to be treated as a mother who lost her baby...not as someone who had something undesireable removed!! Of course you wanted your baby!

It makes me so sad to hear your story. What a horrible and unfeeling hospital! You can tell them I said so!!! Thank goodness for the HUMAN doctors dispersed here and there over the globe...they show us that not all doctors are automatrons. Your doctor and hospital needed classes in empathy!

HUG!!!







:


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## onelilguysmommy (May 11, 2005)

i hate how mothers are treated as incubators with no emotions or pain and then babies are trearted as basically tumors until ithey cycle repeats. its disgusting and so very sad.







i hope you can find some sort of peace within yourself with your family, friends, or something and have something to remember your baby by


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## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

Thanks. Emergingbutterfly-I'm always in tears when I read your story.
I talked to a nurse there the other day-happened to be the same nurse when I was there, and she was so nice. I was looking for some local support groups. I sort of feel like I'm coming out of shock and have so many questions and the reality of our son not here is setting in now.
I just don't get it. The hospital never talked to us about what we wanted. My dh was with me and not in so much shock-they could have asked him. They put me in the gynecology floor down the hall from maternity. I get that, but they left me alone. The few times I called the one nurse, I felt I was interuppting her. She got me settled and told me to try to get some sleep. Nothing about asking me if I needed to talk, or anything. They gave me morphine for the pain, which made me loopy, but I still needed someone. I laid there crying all alone.
By the time morning came I think I was in too much shock to do anything but want to go home. It only occured to me the other day, they sent us home with No information on grieving, support, loss etc. Absolutely nothing. Just my release papers. And the ob who saw me was pregnant. If I could have fell out of the bed I would have. I just stared at her and her belly and wanted to get away from her. It's like they didn't think to send a non-preg woman in to a mom who just lost her baby.
I keep thinking now, I wish they hadn't given me morphine for the pain, because I'd have had a much clearer head. Maybe I would have thought then to ask where my baby was and what was happening. You can't think on that stuff though, plus being up almost 2 days by that point.
The english nurse told me about a walk they do in Oct and a memorial they do in Dec. I plan to go to both.
I absolutely dread having to go back there if my bleeding doesn't stop and I do need a d&c.


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