# High Needs 1 year old & "Temper Tantrums"



## J2 (Aug 12, 2006)

DS is almost a year old. He is definitely getting into a more independent stage where he wants what he wants. It is trying at times. My DH and I are trying to figure out how we will handle "temper tantrums" and such and how to handle it when he screams from not getting his way, like when he wants to walk over in one direction but we don't want him to go over there. He has been walking for 2 months now and doesn't always want to be held but its hard to set him down sometimes because then he will just run off wherever.

So how do you handle the strong willed one year old and the screaming that occurs when he doesn't get his way? This isn't too huge of a deal in our home but mostly just when we are out in public or at someone else's home.

He was a high needs baby now turning into a high needs/spirited toddler. We are already doing sing language with him, but until he catches on to that more and what not it doesn't really help right now for these situations and his screaming when he doesn't get his way.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

I know that conventional mainstream parenting advice is to give as little attention to the tantrum as possible. But for a preverbal child, I take issue with that approach. Crying and tantruming is the only way he has to express the magnitude of his frustration and dissapointment -- and I feel strongly that he needs to have his frustrations "heard" and understood. The way that I handled tantrums at that age was to stay close, and to put words to his feelings. I would stay calm and speak very gently trying to label what he must feel. _"You are frustrated. That didn't go the way that you wanted. You really wanted such-and-such, didn't you? Sometimes its hard to be little."_ At the same time, I was careful not to "give in" to the tantrum -- careful not to let it work as a method for getting his way. I don't consider a tantrum to be negative behavior --- its a valid way to express strong feelings. But I also wouldn't want to create a situation where he learns have a fit at every slight set-back.


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## J2 (Aug 12, 2006)

I agree with this and this is what my DH and I have talked about.

I suppose I just need to accept the fact that this behavior will occur and that it is age appropriate. I suppose I also need to accept that I can't be in places in which he will need to be quiet and stay having me hold him or sit on my lap. He is much to active and wants to go go go.

Basically, wondering about this occured because we were at church and I didn't want him going into the nursery like normal. He loves playing in the nursery and has tons of fun, by the way. He does so much better in the nursery than he does in the service with me. But I didn't want him in the nursery this time because he had been sick and his immune system is down since going into the hospital a month ago. Since then, he has been sick off and on. So I didn't want him in the nursery picking up more germs and getting sick again. I'm trying to help boost his immune system so he is fully healthy again. So I had him in the service with me. He did really well with distraction at first. He was playing and eating a snack on my lap, but then he wanted to get up and walk down the aisle. So he would get upset if I didn't let him down but if I were to let him down then he would want to walk away, and get upset if I tried to keep him near me. So of course I had to keep leaving the service because he would screach/scream in protest.

I don't really think there is anything I can do about this since it is so normal for his age. If there are any ideas about this, then please do share.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

DD has recently hit the very normal one year old frustrations and for the most part, if she can't have something/do something I just move her, make an effort and distracting her with something else (you can't dig in the cabinets at Nana's, but you can dig through this toy box, or this safer cabinet over here) and if that doesn't work, we just ignore it. I think all the talking just prolongs things. A quick comment or explanation, an effort at distraction, and that's about it.

Before the frustrated yelling/flailing phase, she would try to make herself throw up and the ONLY thing that ended that was totally ignoring it. As soon as she started making "the face" I would just refuse to engage. If no one was looking, she just didn't even bother to try anymore. Every time I engaged with her, she just kept at it till she puked.


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