# For those mother's who [ahem] tend their personal topiary



## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Believe it or not, this is actually a parenting question but I wasn't sure where it belonged so, mods, please move if necessary.

There's always something to worry about as a parent isn't there? I had my first post-pregnancy bikini wax today. I don't get a brazillian but it certainly doesn't look natural.

So it occured to me tonight that maybe I should stop waxing/clipping when J gets a bit older. I don't mind if she wants to wax when she gets older but I want her to have a healthy perception of what a normal adult woman looks like too. I think this is just as important for boys too.

What have other mothers done?


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## mrspineau (Jan 15, 2008)

I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

I agree. I can remember begining to shave that area when i hit my teen years, and it had nothing to do with what my mother did. And we did/do have a very open relationship in term of our bodies, and she NEVER did any grooming "down there". So honestly, I think it can be just as healthy for a daughter (or son) to know we can change things if we want to. Its all a matter of preferance.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

To be honest- I don't ever remember seeing my mom "down there" and have no idea what kind of maintenance she does









In other words.... if I have a girl I will continue on with what I do now and not worry about it


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrspineau* 
I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.

I'd also mention to the child that such grooming is not necessary for *all* women









I do groom from time to time when things get uh... out of hand







BUT I don't wax or any of that.


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## Jaxinator (Dec 28, 2009)

My mom never really taught me anything about any sort of personal grooming, she didn't do hair, makeup, she did teach me how to shave my legs, but yeah, not much at all. I had to figure it all out on my own, and didn't really feel all that comfortable with talking to her about it. And honestly, by the time I figured some of it out I was already rather embarrassed. (FTR, I love my mom to pieces and don't hold this against her, she's just not a girly person and I am) Because of this if I have a girl I would completely continue to do whatever I already do, and try to teach her that she can be however she wants, but if she wants helps with anything, I'm there to show her. (well not show her *everything*, you all know what I'm getting at)


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I would continue doing what you do. Grooming is natural. I do a little of this and a little of that as it strikes me to do it. I want my dds to know that they have options. To wear crazy make up, natural make up or no make up. to have crazy hair color, natural hair color or their hair color. To shave it all, to shave parts or to shave nothing. I do NOT encourage permanent changes of any sort but little temporary ones....sure, why not. Our bodies are a canvas. Especially our hair which grows back in a few days.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Best. Thread Title. Ever.


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## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Boudicca~* 
Best. Thread Title. Ever.











Also, I think you should continue to do whatever you choose. A shaved and clipped personal topiary is no less representative of a healthy, normal adult woman than a wild and tangling personal rosebush. They're both appropriate choices that normal adult women make.

My DD has seen my entire person (except my head) in different states of shaved and unshaven, and has never commented. If she asks when she gets older, I'll tell her that I do it when I feel like it and don't when I don't, and it's her landscaping choice to make.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lynsage* 

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Boudicca~* 
Best. Thread Title. Ever.











Also, I think you should continue to do whatever you choose. A shaved and clipped personal topiary is no less representative of a healthy, normal adult woman than a wild and tangling personal rosebush. They're both appropriate choices that normal adult women make.

My DD has seen my entire person (except my head) in different states of shaved and unshaven, and has never commented. If she asks when she gets older, I'll tell her that I do it when I feel like it and don't when I don't, and it's her landscaping choice to make.

Best quote and followup post ever.

And I totally agree. Also loved lilyka's post, too.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

Yeah, I like the idea of presenting it as her choice. In her control to decide how to style her pubic hair, just like she can choose what style of clothing etc. Let it be empowering.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
Best quote and followup post ever.

And I totally agree. Also loved lilyka's post, too.

Absolutely!

My mom was 100% natural for most of my life. She didn't shave, at all, anywhere and had tons of black hair on her legs, armpits and, as lynsage so wonderfully describes it, her _wild and tangling personal rosebush_.

I am more middle of the garden by personal perference. I can't say my mom's choices influenced me in any way at all.


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

I agree. It's all normal, it's all good and it's just about what you prefer.

My dd doesn't understand why I don't wear sparkles and a tutu most days like she does, I'm certain she won't understand my personal grooming choices and just come up with her own like she does for everything else.


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## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

My boys have both seen it both ways and have never mentioned it. I shave it all once every couple months then let it go until it starts to get out of control.
My daughter is only 2 months old but hopefully she will feel free to do whatever she likes with her body hair.
I didn't shave anything as a teenager/young adult and my mom was very much of the belief that I should.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamalisa* 
My dd doesn't understand why I don't wear sparkles and a tutu most days like she does,


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## MammaG (Apr 9, 2009)

I would also advise doing what you do and be orepared to support her in whatever she decides, too.

My mother STILL tells me I 'should't' shave above the knee and STILL acts surprised that I have very visible, dark hair near my bikini line. She refers to it as my 'hair problem'. She's very fair and apparently hasn't noticed that most of the rest of the world's population is not. Still bugs me and I'm nearly 40. I'd prefer to go au natural, but I have a nagging worry about my 'hair problem', so I shave my legs and underarms(OK, going au natural in my case would certainly be a statement as I have very fair skin and very dark hair....there would be no peach-fuzzy middle road for me!).

So....what you _do_ may not sway your daughter, but what you say and the respect you show her will certainly affect her, so I'd just supply her with with support and supplies and possibly some company as she gets older and tries out new looks.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Had to share. This was so funny.

MammaG is right. My mom got on to me for shaving my leg early and was uncomfortable I would save the sides of my pubic hairs. I swam and I hated the hairs sticking out or getting pulled by my swim suit.

Trimming the rest became a part of the total preventing moisture and yeast infection.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 




 Had to share. This was so funny.

MammaG is right. My mom got on to me for shaving my leg early and was uncomfortable I would save the sides of my pubic hairs. I swam and I hated the hairs sticking out or getting pulled by my swim suit.

Trimming the rest became a part of the total preventing moisture and yeast infection.









The things I miss because I don't have tv.







That's awesome.

Yeah, I'm very different from my mom and it's been fine. I'm not going to sweat it.


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## Sfcmama (Aug 29, 2010)

Such a good topic!!! My other mama friends and I were just debating this. The conclusion I've come to is that brazilians (which i havent gotten since our honeymoon) may send a message of "hair is bad" but that trimming can be discussed without shaming our naturalness.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

This thread actually reminded me to make an appt.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I groom the way I do, because that'st the way _I_ prefer myself. I already know I dislike the way it feels when it's all grown out, so I won't do that. I also don't think it would be sending my dds a healthy message if I were to groom in a way that makes me uncomfortable, in order to send someone else (even my children) a message. No - I wouldn't overtly tell them that I was growing it out to show them what a normal woman looks like, but you never know what kids will or won't pick up. I suspect they'd get the message (overheard mutters in the bathroom, etc.) that I really disliked the hair, which would definitely have dd1, at least, wondering why on earth I kept it.


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

Oh my gosh-









My daughter asks occasionally about shaving etc (mostly because I haven't had the ambition to care lately and I have hairy legs.) I just tell her that just like DH has facial hair sometimes, and doesn't other time, we can all shave or not shave our bodies as we wish.

And uh- not I have an irresistible urge to dance and sing about mowing the lawn....


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

my mom always had a full bush which i thought looked odd because i didnt have hair down there. i prefer to be bare and have for 10 years
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

My DD knows I shave my legs, armpits, and trim down under. I have told her it's a choice that I make, but not everyone does, in fact my BFF doesn't shave, so DD sees hairy underarms and legs on her(and her hair is dark).

My mom and I have always had different grooming choices, I curl my eyelashes, wear make-up, scrunch my hair with gel. My mom curls her hair then brushes it, she STILL wants to brush my hair and I'm in my mid 30's. Get over it mom


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrspineau* 
I would continue to wax and tell her that waxing is a part of grooming that women do when they are older.









This exactly. Though I'd add 'a part of grooming that SOME women do when they're older.'

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaG* 
So....what you _do_ may not sway your daughter, but what you say and the respect you show her will certainly affect her, so I'd just supply her with with support and supplies and possibly some company as she gets older and tries out new looks.

Well said!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 




 Had to share. This was so funny.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

My daughter is 12 and has seen me with maintained topiary, wild rose bush, and oak tree in winter bare... she knows that its all a matter of personal preference and is perfectly okay with that.... =)


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 







This exactly. Though I'd add 'a part of grooming that SOME women do when they're older.'

Well said!










And THAT just got shared with Facebook...


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I wouldn't even worry about it.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
My daughter is 12 and has seen me with maintained topiary, wild rose bush, and oak tree in winter bare... she knows that its all a matter of personal preference and is perfectly okay with that.... =)









fabulous.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

you mean you have time to groom yourself when you're a mama? oh my god, am i ever doing something wrong!


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## jeminijad (Mar 27, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
To be honest- I don't ever remember seeing my mom "down there" and have no idea what kind of maintenance she does









In other words.... if I have a girl I will continue on with what I do now and not worry about it









yep. I don't believe that DD will get a good clear view at any point after school age. What she learns about pubic grooming is low on my list of priorities, honestly.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
My daughter is 12 and has seen me with maintained topiary, wild rose bush, and oak tree in winter bare... she knows that its all a matter of personal preference and is perfectly okay with that.... =)











Oh crud this thread is killing me.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

OK, I almost don't want to post this under my username, but here goes anyway: I can understand shaving pubic hair if you want or desire. But waxing? Like ripping ir off down there? OOOOOWWW? Doesn't it hurt like h-e-double toothpicks?

Can you tell I'm a wild rosebush? Apparently I am also old. I see the younger women here at the swimming pool shave in really cool patterns, like one thin vertical line. I've tried it. DH said "What's that? All your hair is gone!" I went back to rosebush!


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
Can you tell I'm a wild rosebush? Apparently I am also old. I see the younger women here at the swimming pool shave in really cool patterns, like one thin vertical line. I've tried it. DH said "What's that? All your hair is gone!" I went back to rosebush!









That there is call the good old "landing strip"


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## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hildare* 
you mean you have time to groom yourself when you're a mama? oh my god, am i ever doing something wrong!

DF does my "topiary" during our private time, and I do my pits/legs in the shower. Maybe now that DD's at school part of the week, I'll have enough time to do pits AND legs in the same shower!


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 







That there is call the good old "landing strip"








































I'm sitting on my hands here, in fear of reducing this thread into complete naughtiness. Oh, so tempting...


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 




 Had to share. This was so funny.

MammaG is right. My mom got on to me for shaving my leg early and was uncomfortable I would save the sides of my pubic hairs. I swam and I hated the hairs sticking out or getting pulled by my swim suit.

Trimming the rest became a part of the total preventing moisture and yeast infection.

Oh man... That's creative advertising at it's finest...








ETA: The first recommended video I got at the end of that one was an eHow video on mowing your actual lawn like a professional.

We just explain that everyone has a personal preference and that what she does with her body hair is her choice. That goes for male and female.


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## neetling (Jan 24, 2006)

My oldest has seen me trimming and I explained that I did it for comfort. She's starting to get some puberty-ish hair and is expressing a desire for it not to be there.

She wasn't fazed. My 3 year old son saw too (my bathroom door doesn't lock) Had to explain to him too. *sigh*


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## HeliMom (Jan 14, 2010)

Do you feel the need leave your armpit hair and leg hair unshaven to provide an example of what women look like when they are older as well? (un-altered by waxing or razors)

If so then sure go ahead and grow it out if you like.

If not, maybe try to pinpoint why you think she'll be ok seeing one spot altered but if she noticed the other area waxed she'd not be ok. I mean you think she'll be strong enough to come to her own conclusions for one body part why not another?

On a lighter note:
You could just have a copy of Courbet's painting The Origin of the World hanging up in the house. We do. ( a realist painting of a lady garden from 1866)


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Well being walked in on mid-shaping is how the convo first got started... Well after her little brothers were summoned by "oh my god... Come see what moms doing!"

Sigh


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

at 2 while taking a bath together

dd stares at me for the longest (so i am getting ready for the big question) *deep sigh* in a longing voice 'mama when am i going to be like you down there?' what an anticlimax i must say.

this thread has me in stitches here. and i am surely discovering the wittiness of some of our mommies here. enjoying every moment of it.

and classic that there is a commercial to go along with it.

and you can imagine the ads around this page is going ballistic.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeliMom* 
You could just have a copy of Courbet's painting The Origin of the World hanging up in the house. We do. ( a realist painting of a lady garden from 1866)

I googled it.








Oh my. That's quite realistic and progressive for 1866. I had to close the page quick, because the computer faces the family room, with my back to it.


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## HeliMom (Jan 14, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
I googled it.








Oh my. That's quite realistic and progressive for 1866. I had to close the page quick, because the computer faces the family room, with my back to it.

I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to put anyone in a situation where they were shocked by the image. I thought I was making it clear it'd be a realistic painting of that area. Should I put some kind of warning edited into the post?


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
I googled it.








Oh my. That's quite realistic and progressive for 1866. I had to close the page quick, because the computer faces the family room, with my back to it.

I wouldn't call it progressive. Paintings depicting naked women and their parts in a realistic way have been a huge part of classical art for centuries. If anything, the "progressive" idea would be L'Origine Du Monde would be considered pornographic by much of North American culture.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeliMom* 
I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to put anyone in a situation where they were shocked by the image. I thought I was making it clear it'd be a realistic painting of that area. Should I put some kind of warning edited into the post?

You're fine









it gave me something to show my daughter... She is an artist and has been working on the human form and has been asking about nudes a lot...


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## Coconut Chronicles (Aug 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hildare* 
you mean you have time to groom yourself when you're a mama? oh my god, am i ever doing something wrong!


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

OK, so I hadn't been waxed since DS1 was born. A couple of months ago I got a brazilian and wondered how to explain it to DS1 (I got it as a treat for DH so I guess I kind of had not so innocent connotations in mind!) anyway, he didn't even notice or comment which I found surprising because it went from completely au naturale to a small landing strip.

TMI maybe?


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeliMom* 
I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to put anyone in a situation where they were shocked by the image. I thought I was making it clear it'd be a realistic painting of that area. Should I put some kind of warning edited into the post?









Not shocked, just startled! It's funny. I don't know why, but before I opened the page I was imagining... a vulva-shaped topiary?
















It was funny, not bad.


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## hopefulfaith (Mar 28, 2005)

Can I just say I love this thread?


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I certainly wouldn't present waxing to my child as something "all" women do as they get older -- since I've never done it; it just seems too much like painful ripping to me. And I enjoy swimming and my "rosebush" has never interfered with my ability to glide through the water. But then I don't race or anything.

But I also don't want my daughters to think other women are "crazy" for getting rid of their hair if they want to. I agree with everyone who says that it's a matter of personal preference. Maybe they'll want to do something like this when they're older...

But at the moment, my 10yo is eagerly awaiting the moment when she has hairy pits like her mama. So we seem like sort of a "hair positive" family.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

I looked up that painting.

I would need a lot of grooming to look like that. My pubic hair covers a much larger area, including part way down my legs.

In a normal bathing suit, half of my hair would be showing if I didn't take steps to remove it.


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## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

My mom was always a bush. I got one hair growin around 12, freaked out, grabbed a razor, and haven't stopped since.

I've been bare, landing strip, rectangle, triangle, and tried to get creative to cover my c-sec scar...unsuccesfully.

My son has always showered with us and has from time tro time reminded me when that area needed atttention. Never really gave it much thought other than...wow, what an observant kid. He also sees DH keeping things neat so maybe he just thinks it's normal. If he ever asks, we'll just say it's our preference. DD is just 3 months old but I'll probably say the same to her.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

My mom never did any grooming in that area, but she did shave her legs. She always told us how much she regretted shaving. She believes her leg hair would have been very light if she hadn't done it. Like her arms. She told us never to do it. She also complained about her pubic area being shaved when she was in the hospital for my sister's birth. So she gave us a negative slant about shaving that too.

Well, when my leg hair became significantly darker than my arms, and I started to feel embarrassed about it in public, I started shaving. But I never said anything to her, and I always kept my shaving equipment private. I was hiding it from her because I knew she wouldn't approve. But when one day she said to my sister "see, Leigh doesn't shave, and her legs are fine" I said "yes I do."

My sister is lucky to have lighter hair on her legs. She shaves rarely, and even when she doesn't you can barely see it.

So, long story short, my mother was against all forms of shaving, but I ended up engaging in all forms of shaving anyway.


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