# Help! Think I miscarried but may never know...



## annayarb (May 7, 2015)

I was wondering if anyone could help me gain some closure... i think i had a miscarriage yesterday (came as quite a shock because I didn't know I was pregnant....) but I'm just filled with doubt because I never knew beforehand and may never know.

My husband & I were using contraception but I distinctly remember not being completely careful the last time we had sex. I also remember it was when I was ovulating. A few weeks later I went back on the pill, so assumed my missed period was just because I had jacked up my hormones... (my period would have been due a month ago now... minimum 3 weeks max 5. always hard to tell as I'm never that regular... but i never miss).

I had pregnancy symptoms, but just put these down to going back on the pill. Mind you, I had been on this particular pill before and NEVER had symptoms. Of any kind. But I was basically constantly nauseated for a couple of weeks, put on weight, swollen breasts etc...

A week or so ago I started spotting (brown blood). A few days ago I had cramps, but I put this down to finally having a period. My period pains are always bad, so didn't think anything of it. 

Two days ago I was bleeding more and used a tampon or two... then went to the bathroom an hour after putting a tampon in and saw blood when I wiped. I remember being shocked because it was in for so little time. The blood was bright red. I went to remove it and several large fleshy chunks came out with it. I was shocked and examined it on a tissue. I'm no stranger to blood clots by the way, I get these frequently so I was really freaked because I knew it wasn't that and I'd never seen anything like it. One piece in particular was a few inches and grayish in color with a kind of lumpy texture... almost like a lumpy kind of tube. Another had a long stringy piece of what looked like blood vessel attached to another chunk of fleshy stuff.

I was really panicked and obviously not thinking straight (considering I had no thought to even being pregnant) so I flushed it all without thinking.

I started looking things up online and so many descriptions matched my symptoms. I found pictures that were almost identical to what came out.

That day I had excruciating migraines (which I never get). I read that this can be caused by the sudden release of hormones when you miscarry.

I took a test yesterday and it was negative, but many stories I read said if the pregnancy was very early many tests don't show. I also read of people that said their doctor couldn't even give them a definite answer. 

I don't have health insurance at the minute so the doc is kind of out for me. And even if I could go I couldn't get an appointment any time soon... and I know it wouldn't change the loss, if there was one. It just sucks not having medical "proof", so to speak.

Any advice from those who have miscarried early?

Like I said, I had a ton of symptoms, some of which I could maybe explain away but the thing that is haunting me is that tissue. It was just like the explanations and pictures I saw. Grayish and very fleshy. The one thing I am positive of in all this was that it wasn't clots. i've also lost a few pounds of weight since last week... I was 115 and now I'm at 12.5.

Any thoughts would be SO appreciated. I know that I will probably not ever get a definitive answer, but it would help me get some closure if I could hear similar experiences. If I had a loss I don't want to just forget about my baby because I never had anything written on paper. xx


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## TheBugsMomma (Mar 24, 2015)

I had 2 early mc in 2012 right before getting pregnant with my dd. the 1st was at 5 weeks it was so early the only reason I knew was a fluke + one morning. By that night it was -. I started bleeding a week later and it seemed just like a normal period. 
With the 2nd I was 6 weeks and it was very similar to what you describe. Physically it didn't hurt more than a period, but emotionally it was really tough, because I knew i was pregnant and had lost the baby. I also had no insurance so I never saw a doctor. But it really wouldn't have changed anything anyway. You should go to the doctor if your bleeding becomes really heavy or if you get a fever (infection). Rest as much as you can so you can recover. It really helps to talk about it. And for me I really didn't get closure until I named my babies. Now I can remember them as people and not an event. 

So sorry you have to go through this.


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## annayarb (May 7, 2015)

TheBugsMomma said:


> I had 2 early mc in 2012 right before getting pregnant with my dd. the 1st was at 5 weeks it was so early the only reason I knew was a fluke + one morning. By that night it was -. I started bleeding a week later and it seemed just like a normal period.
> With the 2nd I was 6 weeks and it was very similar to what you describe. Physically it didn't hurt more than a period, but emotionally it was really tough, because I knew i was pregnant and had lost the baby. I also had no insurance so I never saw a doctor. But it really wouldn't have changed anything anyway. You should go to the doctor if your bleeding becomes really heavy or if you get a fever (infection). Rest as much as you can so you can recover. It really helps to talk about it. And for me I really didn't get closure until I named my babies. Now I can remember them as people and not an event.
> 
> So sorry you have to go through this.


Thank you so much for your reply. Yeah it's horrible, I wasn't trying or anything but I would have been thrilled. It's just such a shock. Mainly it's the going back and forth between the accuracy of the symptoms and the doubt of never having official bloodwork. Not that it would be any less valid without the official tests, but you know what I mean. I feel like I was pregnant but I'm scared of going through my whole life "never knowing" because I'm doubting myself so much & never had the confirmation of a positive test.

I named her Ren Averie. (We thought of her as a girl).
Ren is a japanese name for the lotus flower, symbolizing purity. Averie was a play off Avari, "from the sky".


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## TheBugsMomma (Mar 24, 2015)

I love her name. Very pretty. We weren't planning either. It was a really bad time actually. We were moving into his parents house the week I found out. But we would have been so happy anyway. After we lost our second we just decided to stop not trying and then we got pregnant with our dd. when they say you are more fertile after a mc, they aren't kidding. All my pregnancies were 3 mos apart.


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## annayarb (May 7, 2015)

Update for anyone in a similar situation: 
Talked to health professional, they said they couldn't accurately get results at this stage but looks like it was a miscarriage


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