# What are the options at 6 months?



## holdenbear'smama (Jun 15, 2006)

my aunt just found out that her baby girls heart has stopped beating at almost six months gestation.

she's trying to decide what to do. her ob said she'd have to labor in the maternity ward if she want to have the baby that way. what are other options?

this is so sad. i really barely know her, but i was excited to meet this new little one.

my aunts mother had many miscarriges and it sounded to me as if she did not have the support she needed from the beginning, because some people thought she was too unhealthy, like her mother to have a baby. i am wondering if that is making it hardre for her now.

i as just wonderering what are all the paths to take to deliver the baby and the risks associated with them?


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your aunt and your family. Well, when we found out Alexis had passed, I didn't even leave home from the hospital. I delivered her via c section the next morning. Some people get induced and have a normal vaginal delivery. It all depends on what mom desires and her health, etc.








again...


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## khaoskat (May 11, 2006)

I believe she has to deliver either vaginally or by c-section at this point. I think there is the partial birth abortion stuff, but again, it is delivery.

She needs to hold and love and cry over her baby when it is born. It will greatly help her healing process. I have heard people who didn't and they have regreated that decisions for ever.

There are some great resources she might want to check into.

www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com (or it might be .org)

They will have photographers in the area who will come to the hospital to do a photography session of the baby and create you a keepsake CD.

She should also contact some local groups about pregnancy loss - there are groups that make clothes, crotched, for infants that small....if she checks with the hospital, they can probably give her the information ahead of time, so that she has it.

Lastly, my hospital I delivered my stillborn daughter at, was going to destroy all the stuff I had for her and she wore if I didn't take it home..blankets, clothes, etc. I brought everything home. It is in a box right now till we can purchase a curio cabnet where we will put it and her cremains.

I would suggest looking at making all the arrangements for disposal of the remains (burial/cremation/etc) before delivery, as it will be very traumatic afterwards and she wont to think about those things. In advance her grief is not as bad right now as it will be after she delivers, sees, holds and loves her baby. Make those decisions now, so that after the baby has come, she can rest and relax and recoup and grieve.

Even though her child is born still, she will have the same post partum period and issues as every other mother who gives birth, in addition to the grieving. If she doesn't have a great support system right now, she will definately need it after this - it is very difficult. It has only been a little over 4 weeks for me, and my loss was totally unexpected. I went into the hospital in labor thinking I was coming home with a baby, just to be crushed that she had passed away mere hours before in utero.


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## angela dawn (Sep 25, 2006)

When my daughter died at 39 weeks. I was immediately induced and had my daughter, the next day. I am not sure what other options she would be given at 6 months. Doing a C-section is major surgery, so I don't know if she would want that. I wasn't even given that option, I think I even asked right away and my midwife said no, its not a good idea. I didn't put up a fight and I am glad, giving birth vaginally was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was up an hour later and walking around.

I am sorry about your aunts loss.


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## holdenbear'smama (Jun 15, 2006)

i am so sorry for both of your losses as well, angela and momz3. it's so sad to think of the loss of little ones.

thankyou for your words and advice.

i'm going to give my mom all the info i gather. she's really close to my aunt and is going to talk with her about everything.

thankyou.


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## katgome (Nov 11, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear about your aunt. My dearest and most sincere wishes and thoughts go out to your entire family. Try to be there for her as much as you can.


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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

I delivered my baby at 19 weeks and I was induced into labor. My doctor told me that he didn't want to do a c-section because my uterus was too small to at 19 weeks. I had 2 prior csections so I was very nervous and upset about going into labor, but now I think it was the best choice. It was 22 hours of hard labor, but a few hours after it was over with I went home and felt fine, although a little beat up physically. The emotional pain is much, much worse than the physical pain and it lasts much, much longer.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Quote:

The emotional pain is much, much worse than the physical pain and it lasts much, much longer.
That couldn't be more true. i had a c section which normally I cry over the pain for days...with Alexis I barely felt anything...after I thought about it. I realized that my daughter was not here, I cried from sunn up to sun down and didn't have time or energy to worry about my pain.

holdenbearsmama


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## EdenicMomma (Dec 10, 2004)

First of all, I am so sorry for your Aunt's loss. I remember those few days following discovery, terrifying but calm. I had serious decisions to make. I think my best advice would be to take a few days to let it sink in and then follow your heart. My midwife urged me to do this. When I first found out at 25 weeks, I was freaked out to say the least. I was wondering what my options were...what was thge best for me and my baby. After a lot of soul searching, I decided that I had been robbed of my baby's life, but taht I would not be robbed of my birth. i love giving birth and until my baby is born into death...my body is still cradling her in my womb. Upon learning taht my labour would be similar to any other I had experienced, I was scared...we have 40 weeks to prepare for birth for a reason. we need taht time to mentally prepared. Finding out that I had to prepare in a matter of a couple days, or knowing I could go into labour at any time at 25 weeks scared the crap out of me. It was heartbreaking going out in public those two days because people would always ask me how afr along I was...I wnet into survival mode out of necessity.

I decided to be induced in the hospital via Misoprostil tablet 2 days later. It started gently, only took one does and I started cramping. that day while we waited...we picked a perfect name (Molly-"wished-for-child") for us, made her burial arrangements and starngely enough I actually got excited to meet my baby. When labour hit, it was like my others, short and sweet...although it seemed more painfulo which I later realized was emotional not physical pain. I birthed her naturally in just over an hour of active labour and pushed only once.

When I looked at my daughter, I was moved with profound pity for her. I was so scared to birth her, I thought I may go hysterical. I held her silently and felt so much relief...she wasnt a monster but my baby that I had come to love over the past 26 weeks. She was a beautiful angel. We spent the night with her...my daughters came into see her the next morning in the hospital, we said our goodbyes and went home. It was over...and now the real sorrow began...but only after the shock had worn off 5 weeks later would I find myself angry and feeling desperate. I was surrounded by love and no regrets...except one...I had pictures of ecah of us with Molly...but no pictures of our whole family with Molly. That made me sad later when I realized it.

Holding and loving your baby afterward I beliee is so important in the healing process...and birthing with dignity however that is for you as an individual. For me, it just happened to be an unmedicated vaginal birth...but I was induced. I couldnt walk around any longer, having to epxlain to perfect strangers that I had my dead baby inside of me...I couldnt do it to my children either. But I started contracting so quickly, it was assumed that I was oh the verge of going into labour anyways. The other option is to wait until your body naturally kicks into labour on its own. I was told this could take up to a month though. I wanted to meet her while she was still "fresh" for lack of a better word...Hope this helps.


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