# Put almost 4.5 y.o. back in diapers?



## the2amigos (Apr 27, 2005)

My DS is a late bloomer in almost every way. He finally went to underwear full time like three months ago. Most days we have to change 3-4 times because of poop. He rarely (like three times in the last three months) pees not in the toilet. But he will gladly squat and poo where ever he is, often right after telling us he does not need to go. Then he will have poo in his underwear until we smell it and change him. Rarely is it a full poop, most of the time just a nice smeary mess. Then we put him on the pot and he doesn't go 95% of the time. Occasionally if we catch it just right he will poo in the toilet - and we rejoice!

I'm SICK TO DEATH OF RINSING POOP out of underwear. I hate it. It's gross. He knows where poop goes. I just finished screaming at him for being such a gross baby.







: Not a good mom moment. He's sitting on the toilet and will doubtfully poop.

Back to diapers full time? He won't ask to poop in a diaper like I hear some kids do, and I could do that for a while. I just hate having at least three pairs of poop underwear every day...

What about high priced bribery??? I want to run away.


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## babymommy2 (May 14, 2009)

we had a similar problem, but it only lasted three weeks, I don't know how you've kept it up! I was so frunstrated. What finally changed for us was our child pooped pants at someone else's house, and never did it again at home or otherwise. I tried to make him clean up after himself, but he had just turned three and that didnt' work too well, but at 4.5 I think it would work better. If he had to clean up his body and his pants himself, and them place them in the washer, teh dryer, fold,etc and it was every single time that might end it after a couple of days. too much work to bother with pooping in your pants.


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## zeldamomma (Jan 5, 2006)

Have you talked to your ped.? There are physical conditions that can cause a child to be unable to control their bowel movements (the smeary mess makes me wonder if he's actually extremely constipated). I'd check that out first, and then make a decision about how to proceed.

ZM


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## pbjmama (Sep 20, 2007)

I agree, if he is have 3-4 changes a day because of poop I would look into other issues.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

Another vote for talk to your doctor. It may be counter-intuitive, but he could be holding it or constipated. What happens is kids may develop a fear or resistance to the toilet or the act of pooping. They hold it and hold it because they do not want to go. Then, they can't hold it any more and a little "comes out", but they stop it before they really let go. This happens multiple times a day. It is pretty much exactly what you are describing. The child often cannot communicate what is going on with them and they truly cannot control this situation (they are not being malicious, lazy, or any of that... and certainly not a gross baby







). Holding it can cause consitpation and then even more reluctance to go. Or being genuinely constipated (without holding it on purpose) can cause the same "little bit" many times a day. The constant pressure on the rectal nerves can dull a persons' sense of when they truly need to go because it feels like they need to go all the time so they learn to ignore it and then they have accidents.

It is hard on everyone. I know because I've been been there.

What tends to happen next is the dr may give an exam or order tests to rule out other physical things (which also exist and may be causing this). If it is not physical, the child will start laxatives which will compell them to go "all at once" and prevent them from holding it and relieve the constipation. Then, you work on making the potty and poop a relaxed, normal and positive thing.

Please, see your doctor.


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## redpajama (Jan 22, 2007)

I agree with the PPs who say to see the pediatrician (and, in the meantime, try to be more patient with him--I *know* how difficult it can be, as we had/have a similar problem).

My son is 4 years, 3 months. He was completely potty-trained before he was 2--peeing and pooping with very infrequent "accidents" (unless he was sleeping--that's another story). About 18 months after he potty-trained, he started having occasional "accidents" like what you're describing--little smears of poop in his undies. For a few months, we assumed it was somehow behavioral--tried giving him more attention, tried talking to him about it, tried giving lots of positive reinforcement for going in the potty (without first soiling his undies--he always *eventually* did the poop in the potty...after several "stains" in his underwear. Eventually, it became clear that he wasn't just having "accidents," and he certainly wasn't intentionally pooing in his pants. We took him to the pediatrician who said that this had probably started as constipation (whether voluntary--out of fear or whatever--or involuntary). He had us give him Miralax (a non-stimulant stool-softener) to help soften his poo while his sphincter and the nerves in his anus try to heal. He still has trouble with this. We've talked with him, and the problem is that (a) he doesn't feel an urge to poop (probably because of the damage to his anal nerves and the enlargement of his colon due to the ongoing constipation), and (b) he doesn't feel the poop until he feels it on his skin (or notices that his undies are sort of sticking to him) because the nerves are damaged. Right now, we're continuing to use the miralax, but I think if this goes on much longer, we'll go back to the ped. and consider consulting with a specialist. He's beginning to be embarrassed and upset by it (recently a friend was over and said, "Eww...who farted?" and I saw this look of absolute terror flash across his face because he realized it was him that smelled).
I know how frustrated (and...gross) it can be to deal with all the soiling, but, again, try to be patient with him and know that this is probably equally (or more) upsetting to him. I know that I am sometimes less patient than I am at other times, but my son has recently commented, "Wow...you're being really gentle and patient right now," when I was having a more patient moment--and this has *strongly* encouraged me to try to be more *consistently* patient and gentle with him around the subject. (Look whose "positive reinforcement"ing whom, now!)
Good luck.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

After you check with your doctor, if you find he's not constipated, I would offer to put him in a diaper just for poop. That's what we did for both of our kids when they were learning. It took much longer for them to be able to poop on the potty than pee.

So, what I'd do is say "I know you don't want to poop in the potty right now. That's OK. I don't want to clean up poop from your underwear. So, when you need to poop, come get me, and we'll put a diaper on so you can poop there." This DOES have a benefit in that it's teaching him to be aware of his body signals about when he needs to poop. After a month or so, you can casually ask him if he'd like to try the potty before the diaper. A month or two after that, I'd start heavy-duty bribing to use the potty for pooping.







.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
After you check with your doctor, if you find he's not constipated, I would offer to put him in a diaper just for poop. That's what we did for both of our kids when they were learning. It took much longer for them to be able to poop on the potty than pee.

So, what I'd do is say "I know you don't want to poop in the potty right now. That's OK. I don't want to clean up poop from your underwear. So, when you need to poop, come get me, and we'll put a diaper on so you can poop there." This DOES have a benefit in that it's teaching him to be aware of his body signals about when he needs to poop. After a month or so, you can casually ask him if he'd like to try the potty before the diaper. A month or two after that, I'd start heavy-duty bribing to use the potty for pooping.







.

I agree. Once you deal with the constipation or holding issue, the next step is making sure "poop situations" are relaxed and comfortable and you may have to "work up to" the potty again (and once things are not so tense, bribery is a-ok! The situation of "holding it" is very pavlovian anyway, so once you have overcome the emotional blockage with an incentive, you won't need to bribe anymore).

Maybe there is an underwear liner that can be changed if it is just a little bit/smear? What about those flushable ricepaper ones for in AIO diapers? http://www.kellyscloset.com/Rice-Pap...ls_p_2716.html


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## the2amigos (Apr 27, 2005)

I'm a nurse, I'd eat my shorts if it's a constipation issue. When he does go (daily to every other day) it's really nice and soft and he doesn't strain to go. I guess he could be holding it because he doesn't want to go or is afraid to go...but so far he certainly isn't constipated in the true sense of the word.

I really am patient *most* of the time. And I hate it when I lose it. We talk about it a lot and nothing changes. He can be actively pooping and I tell him to go to the potty and he'll ignore me. I can't pick him up due to my pg right now, so short of dragging him to the bathroom, he poos his undies. And he doesn't tell me he needs to go, I'd gladly do a diaper to poo in right now. But he will lie and say he doesn't need to go when he is actively smearing/pooping.

I just wish this PL was easier!


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## pbjmama (Sep 20, 2007)

PL, more specifically poop, is my trigger too. My kid is super resistant to pooping on the potty. Also won't tell me he wants a diaper. Also not constipated but generally holds it so he goes every other day. Anyway, no need to eat your shorts but a consult with your ped isn't going to hurt. He could be backed up even if he isn't constipated.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Does he still breastfeed? It might just be the natural laxative in collotrum (since your preg) in you milk making the poos so soft that he is having a hard time holding them. If this is what's going on then it will end when you stop making collostrum and start making regular milk again.

That said, I would still look into other possible physical causes.


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## mama_mojo (Jun 5, 2005)

You have my sympathy.







:


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## greeny (Apr 27, 2007)

We're going to go to the ped for this next week. My ds is 4.5 too. Same pooping problem.

We have him on Miralax, but are going to go to the doc to discuss it also.

It's so hard not to get fed up and mad sometimes. I've yelled on occasion too, and feel so bad (I always apologize profusely afterwards, and remind ds that it's not okay for me to do that). *sigh*


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## sbgrace (Sep 22, 2004)

Constipation can indeed result in mushy poop if he's constipated enough. The other flip side is perhaps he can't control it because it's too lose. To me 3-4 stools a day doesn't sound typical at that age...let alone the mushy nature of it.


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## organicmidwestmama (Apr 27, 2009)

is your child on "normal" developmentally in other ways? this seems like either a physical problem or a developmental delay of some sort. id go to the DR. and if it isnt a physical problem id take him to a child therapist or person who works with developmental disorders. it doesnt sound normal to em for a kid who is almost 5 to regularly poop in his underwear.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I would do both.

Right away, tell him "You don't have to poop in the potty, but you DO have to have a diaper on to poop in".

Also, make a doctor's appointment to see if he's dealing with encopresis, which is chronic constipation.
http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/condi...l/aa081200.htm

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/weekl...encopresis.htm

Sometimes there is a hard poop that is only letting small amounts of soft poop around it, which is why they seem to mess their pants several times a day. You see this soft runny poop, and think they can't be consitpated, this is loose. But, he might just be blocked up, and THAT needs to come out (SOOO much fun!) Before he can get more regular.

But, I'd still try putting diapers on him, and seeing if he can "let go". Then you can work on getting him more regular before trying the toilet again.


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## iwoodeb (Oct 8, 2008)

I was just about to post a very similar situation and was so happy to find this thread.

My daughter is turning 5 in 3 weeks. And, I am due with our second child in 3 weeks. For the last few months, my daughter has slowly had more and more poo accidents/smears.

She normally poos once a day in the afternoon. The problem started at school. She didn't want to go inside from afternoon playground time to poo, so she did her best to hold it and got a little in her panties. I spoke with the teacher, but also, I started picking her up earlier, so she could be at home when she felt the urge. It progressed, so that when she felt poo, she would cross her legs and try not to make a mess until the urged passed. Usually resulting in a little mess.

Now.....my husband and I are both at our wits end.







She is having more and more accidents that are a gross mess. I am usually frustrated with her and get angry, or start crying myself. (which I know is not the best reaction). She tells me, she doesn't know she has to go. And, she is embarrassed by the accident. I have mentioned going to pull ups (for my own sanity) and she does not like that idea. She doesn't want to tell us when she has an accident because she knows it upsets us.

I think she has truly lost (is loosing) the ability to recognize the need to get to the bathroom. Today, she had three accidents - this morning at home, at the store, then at a friend's birthday party. After we were home for a bit, I saw her running to the bathroom. She came out celebrating that she had poo'd without any mess.







:

PS - her poo is not hard or soft - it seems like a healthy poo to me.

I am going to make an appt with the pediatrician. Thanks for all the info.


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