# did you know something was wrong, early on?



## frugalmum (Nov 5, 2009)

In retrospect I realize I knew something was wrong from the beginning. I put off going to the OB, when I did, it was very difficult for me to look at the sonogram (my OB has a sono machine in her office). A few times they would offer to give me a print out of baby's pic at the end of the appointment, then would forget, but I wouldn't remind them in order to get the picture. I didn't want the pictures-- or I was afraid of having them. During one sono (I was having a lot of sonos due to the SH) baby turned her face and was seemingly looking right at me from the screen. I felt my heart sink through the floor-- even though the dr was telling me at that moment all would be fine and she looked fine.

I didn't tell a soul except DH I was pregnant and went out of my way to dress is baggy clothes to hide the pregnancy as long as possible. I had a sense of forboding through the whole pregnancy and when the OB finally told me (at 17 weeks) there was no heartbeat I was shocked but not surprised. The main reason I was shocked was because my bump had continued to get bigger but I realize now it was probably fluid retention as I lost more than half my pregnancy weight right after the D&C.

Did anyone else have a sense like this, premonition?

The night before I found out, I had a dream that told me she was dead (and that she was a she). I had been convinced up to that point baby was a boy.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Yes, I knew with all of mine. With the blighted ovum I wasn't aware that I was pregnant until about 7wks because I had a period while pg. As soon as I found out I knew that something was wrong and I spent the entire pregnancy (12wks) telling my husband that there was no baby in me and that I wasn't really pregnant. With Benjamin I knew as soon as I saw the positive test that I would have another miscarriage but I tried to chalk it up to fear from the last one. At 14wks I told my husband that I no longer felt pg and thought that maybe I had made it all up. I again tried to just chalk it up to fear. At 16wks I lost him and he was the size of a 14wk fetus. With Kadence I knew before we conceived that I would lose the baby farther along. I told my husband and mother that I would miscarry at 20wks. Once I got pregnant I felt different though and had hope. At 11wks I freaked out and thought that I was going to miscarry but I didn't. There were two other times that I freaked out and wanted to get an u/s to make sure the baby was okay; the last time that happened was the day before she died. The day she died I woke up and just knew; I could not feel her presence anymore. I also knew immediately that may baby was a girl even though before I had no idea. Three days later we got it confirmed by doppler that there was no heartbeat at 17wks. She was born at 21wks, size consistent with when I felt her die.


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Nope. With my first loss I was naive. I didn't worry too much but I knew miscarriage was possible. I lost it at 5 weeks.

With my second pregnancy (a healthy one) I bled from 4 to 8 weeks and cramped. I was SURE I'd miscarry. I felt it was my gut feeling. My motherly instinct. And it was wrong. Baby was fine.

With my 3rd pregnancy I didn't bleed. Felt GREAT. Even heard the heartbeat. Wasn't worried for a second. One day there was no heartbeat...


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

With my first one, I think my body was "depressed" before I had a clue that something was wrong. I vividly remember one day just an inexplicable, unreasonable *need* to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and be dead to the world. I wasn't sleepy, I didn't feel sad or depressed. My body just wanted to shut down. When I asked dh if he would take over the kids for the evening, he was very concerned.

With the second one, I had spotting from 6 weeks on and off. And nausea and exhuastion like never before. Definitely felt "off", but refused to believe I was losing another one.


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## fierrbugg (Jul 24, 2006)

With my first loss I actually had a really disturbing couple of weird dreams - that ended up with me losing the baby. Actually one was a repeat of one I had in high school. So, I knew it was a possibility but in no way knew about our family history of loss until afterwards. Nice, right? #2 was a weird pgcy - first a positive, then negative test, but Dr.'s said I was, and that didn't last long. #3, we conceived on 12/24/06 - and I just had a sense of peace the entire tww. I knew I was pg, but I also knew I was probably going to lose that baby too. It was completely different than #1. I announced the bfp on the ttc boards, and hoped I was wrong, but alas. Not so lucky. So, I guess with 2 out of 3 I knew, although by the last time, it was probably just a response based on history more than 'knowing.'


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

with my first loss I started feeling something was wrong about 7-8wks (it was my 3rd pg). I lost the baby at 12.5wks but baby had died around 7.5 wks.

My second loss was at 6wks and I knew something wouldn't work but I think that was bcs it was immediately following my first loss.

My 5th pg I was terrified the whole time, knew the baby was going to die but he didn't. His cord ruptured upon birth and it was scary but he was fine, I think I new something was wrong plus it was excelerated by my fear.

my 7th pg I was a little worried but everything seemed fine. I had an u/sscheduled to monitor blood flow and the night before I was up all night. I knew he would be gone when I went to the u/s (no reason for that). I got there and my fear was true.

my 4th miscarriage was immediately followed by my third and I thought everything was going to be ok, I was a little nervous but was sure it would work out. I started gushing blood, knew it was over then saw the hb and had faith it would be ok. It wasn't.

So I think I was probably about 50/50.


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## sagewinna (Nov 19, 2001)

My entire pregnancy with Emmanuel was full of me trying to convince myself it would be ok. As soon as I saw the positive test I was freaked out about miscarrying, even though I had no history of it and had 3 healthy babies over the years. I kept telling myself it was because of the shock of being pregnant after 7 years, and my age... At my 8 week midwife visit, I took them aside and talked to them about my feeling and they offered an ultrasound, but I wasn't ready. When I went for one a few weeks later I was sad but not surprised at all that the baby had passed away.


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## frugalmum (Nov 5, 2009)

Thank you mamas, it's very touching to read all these stories.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Yep. I knew something wasn't right. I had a lot of anxiety. That pregnancy was very different and more rough. I just knew in the back of my head that something was wrong, but I couldn't pinpoint it. I knew I wasn't going to get my homebirth, but I didn't think anything was going to happen at the birth that would lead to a transfer. I just felt like we'd discover something was wrong and I'd have to give birth at the hospital. The diagnostic ultrasound I had showed everything was good, aside from my AFI being in the higher range of normal, all looked good. I just had a feeling that wasn't the case and I couldn't shake that feeling. Everything was not good. He had multiple heart defects that went undiagnosed. I wish we had known he wasn't doing well. We could have induced earlier to spend time with him alive. I still have those regrets. Had we known I would have had extra monitoring to monitor his condition and planned for a UC at home once we got confirmation his condition was declining. I don't think my midwife would have been comfortable with a homebirth (with her in attendance) because of the laws in the state and living on a military base. But if we contacted the right people beforehand and the authorities and I had my chart with confirmation that he was declining then we could have done it.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

"Shocked but not surprised" is exactly how I have described it on more than one occasion.

I didn't "feel" pregnant with my third pregnancy and miscarried at 6+0 weeks. I had a couple of days of spotting - people kept saying it could be okay in pregnancy. I knew it wouldn't be for me.

When I got pregnant with Emma four moths later, it was different. I felt physically very pregnant but I definitely had a sense I was "on borrowed time" with my baby. My husband found me crying at 29 weeks. When he asked what was wrong, I told him "I don't think this baby is going to make it." A little while after that I was shopping and found some end of line baby toys - really, really cheap and not something you could go back for later. I picked one up for my SIL's baby and one for ours then put ours back. Can't explain it - just couldn't buy it.

And when I pushed her out of me and they took her to the resus. unit, I KNEW, knew that they wouldn't be able to get her back - although I've never wanted to be wrong about something so much in my entire life.


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## mom-to-jj (Sep 8, 2008)

Yes, shocked but not surprised. With my first m/c, I had a dream that the baby (a girl) was born early, and she was so small that I put her in a coffee cup and carried her around with me. A few days later, I started spotted and ended up being diagnosed with a blighted ovum.

This time around, I told only three people that I was pg, and each time I talked about being concerned that I didn't feel any of the round ligament pains that I had with my second baby before I even got my BFP. It just seemed like I should feel things stretching and growing, but I didn't. I even talked to one friend about how I thought I'd be able to survive a second miscarriage easier than my first because now I have two children. Then when I got up on the u/s table at my 8-week appointment, the last thing I said to my DH was, "Moment of truth." He'd been telling me everything was going to be fine, and I guess I was sort of saying, "Now we'll see whose gut instinct is right."


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom-to-jj*
> 
> Yes, shocked but not surprised. With my first m/c, I had a dream that the baby (a girl) was born early, and she was so small that I put her in a coffee cup and carried her around with me. A few days later, I started spotted and ended up being diagnosed with a blighted ovum.


With my second m/c I had a dream that I gave birth around 12wks (I wasn't that far along yet) to a baby that was about 5in long but basically a perfect chubby newborn. He plopped out into my hand while I was on the toilet and he just lay there curled up on his belly and I rubbed his back to get him to breathe. It was so weird because in the dream I just *knew* that he was alright and he was just going to be my tiny baby.


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## ancoda (Oct 17, 2005)

I did not as much know something was wrong, as much as the whole pregnancy felt different. A part of me really hoped that meant that the baby would be a girl, since all three of my boy pregnancies felt similar.

At the same time I was in the shocked, but not really surprised group.


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## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

Yeah, I knew something was up the entire pregnancy with Jack. It just didn't feel right. I UP/UC but I did go for a few prenatals during my pregnancy with him, and I had an u/s around 20 weeks, because I was so sure something was wrong. Nothing was ever detected, and I measured right on the whole time. I rented a doppler a couple of weeks before he was born, and his HR was always where it should have been. I tried to convince myself that it was just second time jitters, but deep down I knew something was wrong. When I had him, and I reached between my legs and pulled him up, I just knew before I even looked that he was dead. I just knew. I had dreams through the whole pregnancy about giving birth to a dead baby. I really struggled to hold on to any hope that he would live those last few weeks. I feel awful even talking about it now, because if you admit to most people that you thought your baby was going to be born dead, they would demand to know why you didn't storm the hospital and demand a c-section. But, it wasn't quite like that. I mean, I had the gut feeling that something was wrong, but every time I consulted with a medical professional, they convinced me I was just nervous and everything looked to be perfect. Woulda coulda shoulda. But, yeah, I knew.


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## littlecityfarmer (Apr 27, 2004)

1st m/c, 4th pregnancy, was a blighted ovum-- I knew something wasn't right, because I didn't "feel" pregnant, and I was disappointed, but not shocked, when I started bleeding.

2nd m/c, 5th pregnancy wasn't that much of a shock, either. I had all the symptoms of pregnancy, actually even moreso than usual, but I didn't share the news widely because I had a feeling that something wasn't right. I had a couple of doppler readings and sonos, and heart rate always seemed low. Placenta was really, really low, too. One day, the worst of the symptoms stopped, and I thought I was just feeling better in 2nd trimester-- nope. Baby had died, and by the time I asked my doc to help me figure out what was going on, I had had a complete placental abruption. I was 16 weeks, but baby measured about 11-12, so I think there was some combination of placental insufficiency and growth restriction with a possible genetic abnormality (although, in all the confusion of the hospital and hemorrhaging, I never signed to have a genetic screen, for which I've been kicking myself).

3rd m/c directly followed the 2nd, and I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I started bleeding heavily, passing lemon-sized clots, and thinking "gee, this really seems like I'm having another m/c, but I'm not pregnant." I was, and I was. That pregnancy didn't even stand a chance, since my body was such a wreck from m/c 2.

I'm actually 14 weeks pregnant now, and really hoping this little bean is going to make it-- already running into some issues, but there's a chance, at least, that baby will be ok.


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

with my first miscarriage, the pregnancy felt off from the start, I had no morning sickness after having it very bad with my ds.

I just had another m/c in December. I had some early morning sickness, and my belly was growing, and I had an almost mystical feeling around the time I think the baby was conceived....but after a few weeks I didn't really feel any pregnancy symptoms anymore, and I just felt....alone, like there wasn't anyone with me anymore. The day before my first ob appt (8 weeks) I told dh I thought ther was something wrong. Then there was no heartbeat, dr thought maybe my dates were off, blood tests looked almost normal, but I already knew it was over. I miscarried naturally a couple weeks later.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *littlecityfarmer*
> 
> 1st m/c, 4th pregnancy, was a blighted ovum-- I knew something wasn't right, because I didn't "feel" pregnant, and I was disappointed, but not shocked, when I started bleeding.
> 
> ...


wow! So after three healthy pg's you had a blighted ovum followed by two losses (the first at 16wks)? That is the same thing that has happened to me only my last m/c was at 21wks (baby died at 16).


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## gumblossom (Oct 23, 2009)

Yes, I think I knew all along. I really wanted to be happy and excited, but also felt apprehensive about telling anyone. I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks to try and settle my anxiety, and I saw a strong heartbeat. But I still felt worried. I thought I must have been concerned because I am 44 and older women have a higher rate of miscarriage.

In retrospect, after the ultrasound I wasn't as sick, my boobs stopped hurting and I stopped gagging on my toothbrush. It was my 6th pregnancy, and I tried to console myself by saying I was just lucky this time to not feel so sick. I also had trouble visualizing a big baby belly and the birth etc, which I always could visualize with my other babies.

I also had an intuitive reading, and she said she saw a pregnancy around valentines. Normally I would dismiss it, but I felt that meant my bfp in November was going to be a lost pregnancy. I'm hoping she's right about the pregnancy in Feb, but my DH won't ttc again, so I can't see how that can happen!

The morning that I found out our baby had died, I had a dream that I had gone out and left my baby behind when we went home ,so I went looking for him.He was curled up asleep with another,older boy of about 9 or 10.The older boy told me he had slept all night and he was warm.I thanked him, and felt relief he was safe. I could see his silky little head, but never saw his face. I'm so grateful to have had this dream, I think it was a way of telling me my baby is being looked after.


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## CheekyLilMonkeys (Dec 11, 2008)

I knew something wasn't right. With my DS1 and DS2 I had a very strong bond during pregnancy with them, with DS2 his personality is very similar to mine and I knew it in pregnancy too, was able to describe him in detail to my DH. With my stillborn little boy (DS3), I just never had a connection. I used to worry about it and tell DH I was worried something was wrong. I also found it very difficult to picture a new baby in our lives, just couldn't believe he would really be here. With my miscarriage a couple of months later I didn't ever really expect to get to hold that baby, but that may have been because it came so soon after losing DS3. I had a sense of peace about the whole thing though. I think that baby was only ever meant to be here for a short time to get me through that season, was never ours to keep.


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## apmama07 (Nov 22, 2009)

I did with loss #1, it never quite felt right and I believe never really implanted fully and miscarried at 5.5 weeks. But my more recent loss I had very positive feelings about early on and had a very strong connection with the baby. I spent a lot of time visualizing him and "talking" to him, tried hard to fully embrace the pregnancy. I saw and felt his presence very clearly...up until fetal demise at 7w1d. I knew when he was gone, I just knew it. It was an intense and overwhelming feeling. Of course everyone told me I was just being a worrywart as this was the week in between u/s (the first one showed a slowish hb so they did a follow-up) and I tried hard to convince myself that I was imagining things and everything would be fine at that u/s. But in my gut, I really knew and in retrospect I see how I set some things up and planned for the bad news that was coming. When there was no hb I was devastated but not surprised.

It's hard to tease apart sometimes what is hindsight and what was reality (for me anyway...) but I'll also say that with DD (before the losses) when I bled from a SCH from 6 weeks to about 11, I was worried and upset but still always saw the pregnancy sticking. I don't think I ever doubted her survival in the same way I knew in this loss (without even spotting).


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## mamatowill (Aug 23, 2004)

With my first loss yes I knew. Something did not feel right about it. My DH would get angry at me when I said it and tell me that I was going to cause the m/c. I had several u/s and saw that the heartbeat did not speed up properly so knew it was coming. The second m/c I knew right away- I was never attached to the baby and it was conceived at the wrong time in my cycle. I know since my DH works overseas and comes home only at specific times. The second one I think was for healing the trauma of the first. That is how I felt about that second one- that the baby's role was only to heal me not be born.


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## SoCaliMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

I tried to stay optimistic, I pretty much bleed off and on from a few days after I found out
that I was pregnant, it coencided with starting 100MG progesterone.
My first ultrasound was at 7wk3day, I was told that the baby measured 6wks.
I miscarried around 9wks range and the baby I passed was no way a 6am baby
it was too big to be 6wks.

With my m 1st/c missed m/c at my first u/s at 10wks it was the same
Midwife doing it she said baby measures 6wks, 1 week later
I started bleeding went the the ER that u/s showed a baby
measuring at 8wks range that day. I didn't pass that baby til when
I would had been 13wks4days gestation.

I'm really thinking that 2d u/s are not accurate or it must
be the person doing it, since I've now had such a major
discrepancy date wise with the same person going the ultraound.


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## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CheekyLilMonkeys*
> 
> I knew something wasn't right. With my DS1 and DS2 I had a very strong bond during pregnancy with them, with DS2 his personality is very similar to mine and I knew it in pregnancy too, was able to describe him in detail to my DH. With my stillborn little boy (DS3), I just never had a connection. I used to worry about it and tell DH I was worried something was wrong. I also found it very difficult to picture a new baby in our lives, just couldn't believe he would really be here. With my miscarriage a couple of months later I didn't ever really expect to get to hold that baby, but that may have been because it came so soon after losing DS3. I had a sense of peace about the whole thing though. I think that baby was only ever meant to be here for a short time to get me through that season, was never ours to keep.


I could have written this post. I felt so much the same way. When I was pregnant with DS1, I felt such a huge connection to him. We had conversations, I could visualize him, and I never doubted that he would come and be perfectly fine. I never felt that with DS2. He just never seemed real. I could never really imagine my life with a new baby in Sept of 2010. I tried to chalk it all up to second time jitters, but I guess ultimately everything I felt was right on. I could never get my DH to understand when I tried to explain it to him; he would just tell me not to worry so much, everything would be fine.


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## thencamehenry (Jul 15, 2009)

Hi, I'm new here. I just had a miscarriage last week. It was my second pregnancy, after a pretty perfect pregnancy with my son a couple of years ago. I didn't have a good feeling about this one almost from the beginning. I found myself saying things like "if we have a baby in July..." I forced myself to tell a few friends and look at nursery furniture because I felt like I needed to get excited about this baby. I was worried that I was just having a hard time acclimating to the idea of going through pregnancy, birth, and the newborn stage all over again. I almost felt guilty that I didn't seem to connect with this baby. Now it makes sense, though.

My morning sickness stopped suddenly after less than a week (and around the time the ultrasound showed the baby stopped growing), I never got sore breasts, and finally I started spotting and cramping just before Christmas. I shared my feelings and symptoms with my husband and a few friends and they were very positive about the outcome, every pregnancy is different, don't drive yourself crazy, etc. The midwife I saw just before my ultrasound was trying to stay very positive even with the cramping, spotting, and my uterus feeling small for gestational age. At the ultrasound I knew what we were going to see but everyone else's positive thoughts had me hoping that this would just be one of those crazy pregnancies you hear about where everything seems wrong but there's a little baby thumping away on the ultrasound. Sometimes I wish my gut feelings had been respected more by my friends, family, and medical professionals. But I'm trying to let that go because I get that they were all trying to be supportive in the best way they knew how.

I think it has been much easier for me because I was not surprised. Still sad, but I didn't have to deal with the shock as well. I think the intuition is a gift. Now I'm worried that next time I won't be able to differentiate my intuition from normal post-miscarriage worry.

Thanks for reading, it's nice to be able to share with people who get it.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

I had no clue with my first. I didn't even know I was pregnant until the baby was already gone (ruptured ectopic). With my second, once ectopic was ruled out, I wasn't worried. But once he died, I knew. I told dh I thought something was wrong, but he assured me I was fine and just scared because I had two friends miscarry within a week of each other (one at 18 weeks and one at 9 weeks. The day before my 16 week appt I started spotting and wasn't surprised  U/s verified he had died 2 weeks before, around the time I started feeling something was wrong.


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