# Do you nurse your baby every time he/she wakes up?



## Kamie (Jul 10, 2006)

My son is 9 months old. I nurse him every time he wakes up (even if it is 30 minutes later). I think this may have started a bad habit b/c now he doesn't know how to go to sleep on his own. Should I try and start spacing out his night feeds? He gets really fussy when he wakes up before he is ready and it takes so much longer for him to fall asleep if we rock him but now his night waking is happening much more frequently and I am worried I have not given him other alternatives to learn to sleep.


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## sweedma (Jul 6, 2006)

I may not be a great example, because I usually do nurse my ds every time he wakes at night (also 9 mo.), but sometimes he will settle down again with a little pat-pat on the back or other little physical contact (we cosleep). But honestly, I have to wake up to do the pat-pat maneuver, and I generally don't wake up fully to nurse, so nursing usually wins out. I keep thinking the pat-pat would work better if I were more dedicated in doing it...


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

I have always nursed my babies back to sleep, even my now 2yo. In my experience, they spaced their own feedings based on their needs for either comfort or food. As they got older, they would sleep longer between feedings. When they were teething, sick, or going through a stressful phase, they would nurse more often, then space back out as they passed through the phase. It is not so much about developing "bad" habits. Babies sleep longer and are more able to put themselves back to sleep as they mature- it is something they develop. For me, nursing works.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

Yes, but DD only wakes up twice at night. She usually doesn't fully wake up, just stirs and grunts and starts to suck on her fingers, so I wake up and nurse her.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

I used to do that, but when DD got to about 9 mo and was waking up every hour or two, and I was getting seriously sleep-deprived, I decided to stop and started (with DH's help) rocking/holding her back to sleep. Now she wakes up twice a night, and I can totally deal with that.

Conceptually, I am totally ok with babies of this age waking frequently to feed for comfort or whatever, but in practicality, I just couldn't do it and stay sane. My DD still gets plenty to eat during the night - her diapers are still very wet in the morning - but she takes it at two feedings rather than 8. And I get 4-5 hour stretches of sleep and feel like a human again. It's a compromise, and it works for us, but everybody's different.

(BTW we had to move her to a crib to accomplish this - part of the reason she was waking so often was being in bed with me. The crib is right beside the bed - she is still within touching distance - but the bed sharing had to stop







)


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Why would you deny nursing to a baby who needs it? They go to sleep. You go to sleep. It's all good.

-Angela


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Why would you deny nursing to a baby who needs it? They go to sleep. You go to sleep. It's all good.

-Angela

No, they wake up constantly, you wake up constantly, it's not all good.

SOME babies and mamas can sleep happily through nighttime feedings. If you happen to have one of those lovely children who latch on quietly, nurse peacefully and drift back off to sleep, you have my utmost admiration. I happen to have a child who squawks instead of trying to find the boob herself, squirms the entire time she is nursing unless held tightly, and pulls on and off a couple times before deciding to go back to sleep. Once, long ago, she nursed in such a manner that I could sleep through, and she woke only twice or three times a night. And I was ALL for the cosleeping then. But the squirming, the squawking, the up 8 times a night like that??? Not so much. I suspect the OP has a similar situation.

The OP wasn't saying anything about not nursing at night, just not nursing so much at night. And a lot of babies seem to need help reducing their nightwaking. Nothing wrong with this, as long as it's done gently.


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## weeirishlass (Mar 30, 2006)

No real advice, but just wanted to say we are in the same boat. DD started sleeping 9-10 hrs. a night at 4 months, then around 8 months that went flying out the window. And it's so much easier just to nurse her back to sleep, that I never bother trying to rock her. So now I do fear that she's used to nursing, even when she doesn't have to. But I need my sleep, so I'd rather keep on nursing her and have her wake than try and get her to go back to sleep some other way, keeping us out of bed, then probably give up and nurse her in the end anyway!


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## weeirishlass (Mar 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Why would you deny nursing to a baby who needs it? They go to sleep. You go to sleep. It's all good.

-Angela

I think there are other ways to soothe a baby back to sleep besides nursing and the OP is asking if she should use them. I'm pretty sure if the baby is really hungry, she would feed it, but there are reasons babies wake up besides hunger. Just like you or I.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *weeirishlass* 
I'm pretty sure if the baby is really hungry, she would feed it, but there are reasons babies wake up besides hunger. Just like you or I.

Sure, and there are just as many reasons to nurse that aren't about food









-Angela


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## jenny-g (Nov 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Sure, and there are just as many reasons to nurse that aren't about food









-Angela

And if mothers don't get any sleep, ever, they turn into crazy psycho freaks with milk supply problems who can't even hold the baby safely because they feel like they may drop at any moment, and get colds, and go mentally insane.

Or that is just me.

BOTH women and babies need SLEEP. I'm still only getting 2-3 hours at a time and I'm going crazy. It is important for both people in this relationship- mothers AND babies- to be healthy. There is nothing wrong with using a variety of soothing methods for babies! Sheesh! We should be using everything in our toobox of soothing mechanisms for frequent night wakers, for both their sleep as well as ours. The poster said she did not have a peaceful nurser- that makes a big difference. Sometimes trying to nurse mine to sleep makes her wake up MORE (when she is definitely not hungry). We all have to find out what works best for each individual situation! I also want my husband to be able to soothe our baby back to sleep, and that means that other tactics need to come into play. We do a lot of back-patting. Sometimes I put her on my shoulder because I think maybe it's gas.. and she'll sleep perfectly there, but when I try to put her back down on the bed... oh, well.







-j


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## rado (Jul 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenny-g* 
And if mothers don't get any sleep, ever, they turn into crazy psycho freaks with milk supply problems who can't even hold the baby safely because they feel like they may drop at any moment, and get colds, and go mentally insane.

Or that is just me.

BOTH women and babies need SLEEP.







-j

Amen sister! Just because we go the attachment route doesn't mean us mamas don't have basic physical/physiological/psychological needs that are valid....I spent over two years in such sleep deprivation that my marriage and health suffered and I could barely parent, let alone drive, some days. DD number two is due next month, and, frankly, I intend to do things a little differently. She will be nursed aplenty and cuddled tons but I can't do the two or thee years of waking every couple hours or so thing again, esp not with two kids to spend the next day with.
So is that un AP? I think not.
And if being pregnant and nursing your two year old all during her hour long nap while she CHEWS on your sore boob, leaving teethmarks, isn't comittment, then I don't know what is. But it had to stop. Now when I reach my pain threshold i say "all done." And my little sweetie is rolling with it just fine, though it's taken work. In fact, she can now nap 2 hours without waking to nurse b/c of the changes I've made. Yes, sometimes we have to "help" things along, whether it's for our sanity or our children's well-being. We are not required to be martyrs. What the heck does that teach our kids, anyway? Mommies have feelings, too.


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## Selesai (Oct 26, 2005)

I always nurse ds back to sleep (3 mos) but he also only "wakes" (i.e. wiggles) a few times at night and we can both fall asleep/stay asleep easily. Perhaps you could notice his signals. When ds is hungry in his sleep he tries to eat the bedsheet, and he puts his hands in his mouth. When he is experiencing gas or another upset, he leaves his arms out and wiggles and lifts his legs. I then know whether a pat would be acceptable (although I usually just nurse anyway)
just an example.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

I may or may not nurse my baby every time she wakes up, but I DO nurse her every time she wants to nurse!


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## Kamie (Jul 10, 2006)

Thanks girls. I won't deny nursing my baby if he is hungry but I am feeling a bit crazy these days. On those days when he wakes frequently at night I am a lousy daytime parent. I just don't have the energy to get on the floor and be a really fun mommy. Something needs to change or my breastfeeding days are going to end for the sake of my sanity. I am happy to nurse my son at night but every 30 minutes to 2 hours is a bit crazy for a 9 month old. I have ruled out a growth spurt as we have been going through this for over a month. It is very hard for me to come up with an alternative way to sooth him (he crys with everything except the breast). As soon as he wakes up he starts crawling all over the bed. This is starting to get a bit dangerous as I am so sleep deprived that on a few occasions I have caught him as he is heading to wards the edge. He starts the night in his crib in our room and then moves to our bed (usually b/c I don't have the energy to walk him back to the crib). In the crib when he wakes he immediately crawls and then pulls himself to stand. I wish he would stay laying down when he wakes up then there is a chance he could help himself go back to sleep. Last night I nursed him for a few minutes and then when he slowed his nursing down I took him off the breast and then he rolled over and put himself to sleep. I think this gives me hope. He still woke every 2 hours though but at least it was not every 30 minutes. I think I am going to do this for about a week and then try patting and holding him to sleep when he wakes up frequently and cut the nursing back to 2-3 times a night. Thanks Kamie


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

*Yes always have with all my lo's and still do with my dd caitlin*


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## weeirishlass (Mar 30, 2006)

You could also have dp try to put him back to sleep. If I pick dd up, she knows she can nurse and gets mad if I don't offer. But if H goes in, she can settle back down just by rocking or shhh-ing. And I think if you have H help you out, you will feel less like you are in it alone. And hopefully you could take turns and then you might even get a 4 hour chuck of sleep! Wouldn't that be lovely!?!
Good luck.


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## ndunn (Mar 22, 2006)

I think it is true that some mom's have babies where nursing settles them, and some it does the opposite sometimes. Like MINE. There are some nights where she latches on and goes right back to sleep. There are some, however, where she latches on and it actually wakes her up more, and then she wakes up every five minutes from then on until the morning. After like 3 weeks of that, I was getting PRETTY TIRED to say the least. When she had a cold recently, she had to be patted back to sleep because her nose was to plugged to nurse alot (poor thing) and we couldn't get it unplugged. Amazingly, this has totally changed her sleep patterns. Now she's not waking as much at night.

I think you should always nurse a hungry babe, and even one that wants it for comfort, definately. But when it gets to the point where you can't function during the day, I think its ok to try other gentle things like patting or DH parenting.


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## ecoteat (Mar 3, 2006)

I could have posted almost this same question! I have found that dd sleeps longer after a nighttime feeding if I wake up fully, sit up, open up my laptop so I can stay awake, and give her a good, long feeding on both sides. This takes 30-60 minutes, which I don't mind if it happens once or twice a night. But last night she was waking up so often that I couldn't do that each time and kept trying snuggling or smaller feeds, neither of which kept her asleep for more than 2 hours. Ugh!


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## vermontgirl (Aug 15, 2006)

Im with Angela. Sometimes babies wake up and they really just want that close connection with their mama and as soon as they have it they are off to sleep again. Its almost when they wake up they are going, "mama?"
Harvest will literally nurse for about one minute and then drift back into sleep. I would never deny him my breast. It is there for food, comfort and security and If it helps him get sleep I am for it.


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## skueppers (Mar 30, 2005)

When our daughter was a newborn, my husband and I observed that she normally wanted to nurse about every 2 hours, so at night, I didn't nurse her more often than that -- if she woke up sooner, my husband would pick her up and comfort her. As she got older, she started sleeping longer periods on her own, and we also tried extending the periods between night nursing with some success, though she clearly still had the need to nurse at night. She didn't stop waking up at night entirely until I night-weaned her at 17-18 months; by that time, she was generally only waking up once. (And I have to say, sleeping all the way through the night almost every night for the last few months has been wonderful for my own state of mind, but I don't think she was ready for night-weaning any sooner than we did it.)

Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with trying alternatives to nursing at night. I think it's healthy for babies to learn that there are other sources of comfort in the universe besides the breast.

I also think it's important for all family members to be happy with their life together, and if mom needs more sleep, finding a way for her to get it is an important goal. It doesn't do the family any good for mom to be a zombie.


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

I nurse both my children back to sleep when they wake. They go back to sleep much easier, so why not?


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## Jennisee (Nov 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blsilva* 
I have always nursed my babies back to sleep, even my now 2yo. In my experience, they spaced their own feedings based on their needs for either comfort or food. As they got older, they would sleep longer between feedings. When they were teething, sick, or going through a stressful phase, they would nurse more often, then space back out as they passed through the phase. It is not so much about developing "bad" habits. Babies sleep longer and are more able to put themselves back to sleep as they mature- it is something they develop. For me, nursing works.









: I nurse my 2.5 year old every time she wakes up, which is still every few hours. It's not a bad habit. She will wean and sleep through the night when she is emotionally and physically ready, not when I arbitrarily decide that she's ready.


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## musemor (Mar 19, 2004)

I stopped nursing my daughter every time she woke up when she was about six months...she was waking every 60-90 minutes and often nursing up to an hour! She was not taking good naps during the day so I could never catch up on sleep. I was getting five or six non-consecutive hours a night; I was a wreck and didn't feel like I had the emotional energy to be a good caregiver. I decided that if she had a solid feeding at night, I wouldn't nurse her again for at least three hours. Instead I would walk or rock her back to sleep. If she didn't go back to sleep in 20-30 minutes of walking/rocking, I'd assume she was actually hungry and nurse her. It only took a few nights of this until she was always sleeping at least three hours at a stretch. It changed our world! Now at eight months, I feed her every time she wakes up (usually once per night, but sometimes twice).

Edited to add: At the same time that I implemented this plan, I also started encouraging her to nurse more often during the day to compensate for the calorie intake she might lose at night.


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