# Short order cook or you get what you get and don't throw a fit?



## Agatha_Ann (Apr 5, 2009)

I just made a turkey sandwich with sprouts and apple, a PB and J with banana, and a ham wrap with pretzels and grapes to make everyone happy for lunch. I was wondering if other moms are short order cooks as well? Do you give choices or just ask what everyone wants?

I am much more flexible at lunch than any other meal. I think breakfast I'm still waking up and try to make things easy by doing just cereal or waffles, muffins etc for everyone. Dinner I work hard on so I expect everyone to try it, but I obviously don't force food and I try to plan meals that everyone will enjoy. Lunch though seems to be ala carte...

How is it in your houses?







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## MammaV (Jul 13, 2002)

Our house runs in a similar way. Breakfast is always a choice of cold cereal or whatever I make - oatmeal, waffles, french toast, eggs and toast.
Lunch is usually like your house. DD likes a sandwhich, DS doesn't like to eat the bread, so his stuff is placed on his plate. Same with the youngest. Dinner is whatever I make and if you're hungry you'll eat it. I try to always make meals that everyone likes and involve the kids in the food prep and cooking as they're a lot more likely to eat up if they help make it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I'm pretty flexible. We cook one dinner for everybody, but I don't mind if one of the kids wants to eat something else after dinner. DH has an issue with it, though, so it is a hot spot. Breakfast and lunch is pretty open. I'll get them whatever they want, if it's not too much hassle and doesn't involve letting ds2 eat the whole container of strawberries, leaving none for anyone else.

DD is pretty picky. However, I was also picky as a child. Some things just tasted awful and/or had textures that made me want to vomit. (Gristle in meat was a particular hate.) I think there are probably reasons why some kids really dislike certain foods, and I don't think that "I felt like cooking this tonight" is a good enough reason for them to force it down.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

I make what my kids like. If I'm making a dinner I know one of them won't eat, I make them something else. I may make three meals. By meals, I don't mean I spend an hour on the toddler's food - maybe she'll get a grilled cheese and honey'ed carrots instead of the chicken kiev I made the rest of the family.

But absolutely. My mother had four children, and there were many times that several different plates were put on the table - I wouldn't eat onions, for example, so if she was making a meatloaf, she made a special one just for me. Or something else altogether.

This is one battle I choose not to fight. I don't mind making everyone happy, I think mealtime fights are unnecessary.

JMO, of course!


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

Breakfast is the same for everyone - I have yet to meet a breakfast food my kids don't like









Lunch is usually a non-cooked food. More often than not a sandwich and raw veggies. 99.9% of the time DS wants a PB&J so that's what he gets.

Dinner, you get what you get. That's not to say I don't work their tastes into dinner (I would never serve chicken, mashed potatoes and lentils, for example, because DS hates all three) I try to always make it to where there is something on the plate for everyone, but I don't make special dinners. (different versions like the above meatloaf example isn't a problem for me, though)


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Breakfast is pretty "serve yourself" in the summer months. Even the 20 month old likes to pick a yogurt container from the fridge when his big sister does and then she opens it for him. We eat a number of cereal bar type things this time of year, or cold cereal without milk (good finger food, and neither will eat it with milk), and fruit, and yogurt, and nuts. That's most of the breakfasts.

Lunches are usually either leftovers or something fast for me and the kids. It's the meal DD gets to choose most. She either agrees to the leftovers of whatever or she has a specific request and DS and I usually eat what she's eating. Grilled cheese, quesadillas, PBJ, pasta.

Dinner is more set. With dinner, I don't like to short order at all. It throws off the meal plan, the budget, and we're all tired at the end of the day. DS gets cranky early. So dinner is dinner, and I'll accomodate DD/DS whims that are easy--like set aside chickpeas, broccoli, and pasta separately instead of putting them all together as a salad. Neither kid likes sauces of any kind, so I do a lot of that, and it's just easy. It does mean that when what I set aside is gone, it's gone, so if DD wants another helping of gnocchi, she has to choose it with the sauce DH and I are eating. Otherwise she just does extra helpings of sides.

We do the "try 2 bites" rule for new foods, but it doesn't happen that much lately because I haven't been making that many wholey unfamiliar foods. I don't do it for things I just know she's entirely going to hate.

IE, we had sausage recently with friends; she is NOT going to like the texture or the spice, so it didn't get "try 2 bites" but the lentils that were separate from the grown ups lentil salad I did have her try 2 bites. And she liked it okay. She could have tried the sausage, but she touched it and found it icky. She tried and liked samosas last week for example, and was disappointed that I hadn't made more "cute little ones" to put in the freezer with the spicy big ones for DH and I. (I knew we'd eat them, hers were an experiment!). So I'll probably make a batch of small mild ones for her soon.


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## tarajean56 (May 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
I make what my kids like. If I'm making a dinner I know one of them won't eat, I make them something else.

This.

But - lately I'll make something that I know DS likes, and he'll not want to eat it. In that case, I do make him try it and sit with us for a while at dinner. If after all that he still didn't want to eat it, he gets a sandwich or something easy.


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## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaV* 
Our house runs in a similar way. Breakfast is always a choice of cold cereal or whatever I make - oatmeal, waffles, french toast, eggs and toast.
Lunch is usually like your house. DD likes a sandwhich, DS doesn't like to eat the bread, so his stuff is placed on his plate. Same with the youngest. Dinner is whatever I make and if you're hungry you'll eat it. I try to always make meals that everyone likes and involve the kids in the food prep and cooking as they're a lot more likely to eat up if they help make it.









:
If dd doesn't like dinner she can have fresh fruit/veggies and cheese... which she chooses 99% of the time.


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## averlee (Apr 10, 2009)

I have only one kid, and she'll eat pretty much anything. So this hasn't been an issue in our house.
That said, I think basically that we should enjoy our food. I think it is wonderful to consider everyone's tastes and preferences when planning meals. I think I'd do as much as I could to make sure everyone enjoys their meals, and gets plenty to eat, without breaking the bank or driving myself nuts.
I was made to eat things I didn't want, or to eat when I wasn't hungry, during a lot of my childhood. OK, we were dirt poor, and ate what we grew a lot, which sometimes meant okra every night. And you know what? I ate what was put in front of me, without complaining, and said "thank you very much for dinner, grandma." I am glad I was taught that- it has got me through many an awkward yucky dinner at my in-laws.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

We provide the food and they have the option to eat it or not eat it. I am definitely not a short order cook. I know which foods they like and don't like so obviously I won't serve a meal full of stuff they hate but if I make, for example, a nice chicken/rice/vegetable stirfry they are going to eat what is served or go hungry. I know they eat those things and I am not going to cater to pickiness. When I see kids who are supposedly picky (and not for medical reasons) and they will only eat junky stuff like french fries and macaroni and cheese I just want to smack the parents and say, "Well they couldn't eat only that if you would stop serving it!" From day one my kids were raised to eat well and they all do. There are a few blips here and there where they will refuse to eat something but a night of going to bed hungry (by their choice) cures them of that pretty quickly.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Funny Face* 







:
If dd doesn't like dinner she can have fresh fruit/veggies and cheese... which she chooses 99% of the time.









I was going to say that, too. I don't cook an extra dinner for dd...but I do let her eat. We have cheese, yogurt, nuts, fruit, veggies, etc. So, she can get something.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

You really let them go hungry because they don't like something you made? I just can't wrap my mind around that. Same as the whole "finish your plate" thing.

And just because I'll make something special doesn't mean my kids are picky. My kids, all of them, love all kinds of foods. But, say, I like onions. A LOT of onions. I can eat an onion sandwich. No one else likes onions but me and hubby. Well tonite I want French Onion Soup for dinner, so I will make it. To expect my kids to eat it would be sad. I will make them something else. Just because I make several meals doesn't mean any of them are less healthy than the original one.

Just a little insight into those of us that will feed our kids what they will eat instead of fighting with it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *averlee* 
I have only one kid, and she'll eat pretty much anything. So this hasn't been an issue in our house.

Yeah - ds1 was like that, too. DD came as a serious shock. DS2 is, if anything, even more of a walking appetite than ds1. Foods that my boys don't like are very few and far between. (DS1 isn't as welcoming of veggies as he was when he was a kid, which makes me sad, but he'll still eat them.)

Quote:

I ate what was put in front of me, without complaining, and said "thank you very much for dinner, grandma." I am glad I was taught that- it has got me through many an awkward yucky dinner at my in-laws.
I have a lot of trouble with that. I'll do it, but the things I don't like are generally things I _really_ don't like, and that makes it hard to be a good guest sometimes.

The taste of mushrooms makes me want to be sick. The taste _and_ texture of meat fat actually nauseate me, to the point where I've been afraid I _would_ be sick a few times. Spices used to physically hurt my mouth and throat (I've gotten into cooking Indian and Thai dishes, which has upped my heat tolerance considerably). I guess having been there myself, I have more sympathy for pickiness than some people do.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

From the first bites of solid food, we've pretty much had the rule that you get what you get and don't throw a fit. We have an only (7 yo dd), though, and dh is not American. I really think it would be different for families where there are more kids and both parents are American. I make a lot of ethnic food and dd has traveled around the world with us since she was 5 months old. She's had to learn to adapt and has a naturally diverse palate. We don't eat fast food, so there's not even a place to eat that is consistent across continents. We're never forceful with food, but what is in front of you is the meal. You don't have to eat, but nobody is going to make anything else for you. That rule is more for my VERY picky mother, who lives with us, than anyone else. If you don't want to eat what's put in front of you, make it yourself and clean up after yourself.

Lunch is more flexible because it's usually a meal of assembling things. If I'm cooking, though, and I'm a damned good cook, they eat what's in front of them. Of course, they also get a say into the meal planning, so it's not a dictatorship.

Breakfast is DIY.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
You really let them go hungry because they don't like something you made? I just can't wrap my mind around that. Same as the whole "finish your plate" thing.

And just because I'll make something special doesn't mean my kids are picky. My kids, all of them, love all kinds of foods. But, say, I like onions. A LOT of onions. I can eat an onion sandwich. No one else likes onions but me and hubby. Well tonite I want French Onion Soup for dinner, so I will make it. To expect my kids to eat it would be sad. I will make them something else. Just because I make several meals doesn't mean any of them are less healthy than the original one.

Just a little insight into those of us that will feed our kids what they will eat instead of fighting with it.

Read what I wrote please. I said I know what they like so obviously I won't serve stuff I know they hate. If I wanted French Onion Soup I would make a kid meal and an adult meal. Simple. But if DS decided he didn't want the kid meal I made and wanted something different and then DD1 decided she wanted hers cooked a different way and DD2 decided she wanted cereal instead - uh uh, ain't going to happen. They get served one meal and they eat. Sorry if that blows your mind. I find kids live up to what you expect of them (aka my kids are great eaters who will try anything).


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
I find kids live up to what you expect of them (aka my kids are great eaters who will try anything).

That's kind of funny. I fully expected ds1 to be a bit picky, as I was, and his dad was (his dad wasn't as picky as me, but still picky). DS1 would eat _anything_. I honestly don't think he tried anything he didn't like until he was about 10 or 12.

When I had dd, I fully expected her to be like ds1 had been. It was 10 years later, and I wasn't as picky as I had been. DH isn't really picky at all. He has quite a few things he doesn't like, but he'll eat them, anyway (except turnips/rutabagas and broccoli). DD is probably the most picky eater I've ever met. It's amazing how many foods she doesn't like.

So...after having dd, I kind of expected ds2 to be at least a bit picky. Nope. He's about as picky as ds1 used to be. I think the only thing he's really resistant to is rice (odd, as he loved it until about a year ago).

I have no idea what baby-under-construction will be like, but I certainly don't expect him/her to live up to anything. All three of the ones I've got have completely thrown me for a loop.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

I make what my kids like. If I'm making a dinner I know one of them won't eat, I make them something else. I may make three meals. By meals, I don't mean I spend an hour on the toddler's food - maybe she'll get a grilled cheese and honey'ed carrots instead of the chicken kiev I made the rest of the family.
That. My kids can't have dairy though and sometimes, dh and I need some cheese. I'll at least make a side they like and ask them to try what we're having, but if its something they've tried multiple times and hate, I certainly won't force it. There's things I don't like, I'd be quite upset if I was forced to eat them.

Breakfast and lunch (when we're home for them) are pretty much whatever they want.


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## IntrovertExtrovert (Mar 2, 2008)

I'm not consistent about it, and I need to pick one and stick with it. Right now my son is constantly asking for "something else" but he can't/won't name what. He had a few weight gain/reflux issues as a baby and young toddler, so I'm still stuck in the rut of doing whatever gets him to eat, even though he's at an ok weight-for-height now.

I often find myself just making what he likes for the whole family, which is fine sometimes but I think it's ridiculous long term. For one thing it means that none of us is getting enough veggies, and for another how can he ever learn to like different things if I never expose him to them?


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

I find kids live up to what you expect of them (aka my kids are great eaters who will try anything).
Not to be rude, but I think that's what parents of kids who eat anything say. Mine aren't terribly picky, but they have tastes and if they don't like something, why would I make them eat it? I know adults who will eat anything and I know adults who are extremely picky no matter how they were raised.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

In my house, I plan meals based on what's available in the garden and CSA box, or in the pantry and freezer in the winter. I take everyone's tastes into account, and try and plan several side dishes into the meal so everybody has options I know they like. We will have each person's favorites from time to time, and try new things sometimes.

But once the meal is planned, and cooked, it's the only one I'll serve. My kids are welcome to come to the table or not, as it pleases them, and they can choose from whatever's on offer. They can eat as much or as little as they please, and get down when they decide they're finished. What I won't do is get up from the table once I've sat down, to get something different for somebody who's not happy with their choices.

There is always milk and home-baked bread on the table, and there's always always fresh fruit after a meal, so whoever's not into what I cooked can have that.

So I guess I'm somewhere in between. I'm not going to serve up mac and cheese and hot dogs night after night, because it's "all they'll eat," like my MIL did for DH his whole childhood. But I do take everybody's tastes into account, and I do have options like bread, fruit, milk, yogurt, etc. available so nobody's going hungry if they don't like what's served.

FWIW, though, the meals I serve are the only meals my kids have ever been served-- they've really only rarely encountered what's usually thought of as "kid-appropriate" food. Since they could sit up and pick up food, they've been eating the same stuff DH and I eat. So they really actually like just about everything I cook, with rare exceptions. Even DD1, my pickiest child, has branched out a LOT since I stopped catering to her unpredictable preferences.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
And just because I'll make something special doesn't mean my kids are picky. My kids, all of them, love all kinds of foods. But, say, I like onions. A LOT of onions. I can eat an onion sandwich. No one else likes onions but me and hubby. Well tonite I want French Onion Soup for dinner, so I will make it. To expect my kids to eat it would be sad. I will make them something else. Just because I make several meals doesn't mean any of them are less healthy than the original one.

Just a little insight into those of us that will feed our kids what they will eat instead of fighting with it.

Not to debate, but just because I think it might be nice to see different perspectives for the same meal (and because now I'm







: for French Onion soup







):

I would probably make rolls, french onion soup, reheat carrot soup (one of the few soups DD will eat) from the freezer, cheese, and maybe broccoli and salad dressing as dip. DH and I would eat rolls, onion soup, cheese, and broccoli with dressing. DD would eat carrot soup, rolls, cheese, and maybe a little broccoli but it's on her







list lately. DS would eat cheese and broccoli and share a roll with the dog.

I don't look at that scenario as making separate meals; the sides are all the same and the "extra" main course is a freezer meal defrosted in the microwave. No one would go hungry, but we'd all be eating at least some of the same stuff together, and they're conceptually similar, so if I were meal planning it, I could think "Okay, that's the soups night" instead of "Oh, but DD had mac n' cheese already and DH and I had chili..." or whatever.

What would you do in the scenario posed by Sandra if you're a "choose to eat it or not" family?


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
I said I know what they like so obviously I won't serve stuff I know they hate. If I wanted French Onion Soup I would make a kid meal and an adult meal. Simple.

So actually, I think there are a bunch of parents who do this same thing, we just think of it differently conceptually.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

In my house it's pretty much you get what you get and don't complain.

I try not to make things I know my kids absolutely hate very often. There is always an entree and a few side dishes, so if the kids don't like the entree, they can usually fill up on side dishes. They aren't allowed to get up and make an alternate and I'm surely not preparing additional options, but they don't have to eat the entree or a particular side if they don't like it. There is always a fruit course after dinner.

My kids are great eaters and generally like pretty much everything.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

I think age should be a factor too. My teenager and pre-teen may not even BE here for dinner, so if I leave some (ala buffet style) and they don't want it, they'll make something else and I'm fine with that. Or, if I'm in the kitchen anyways, they can tell me what they want and I'll make it for them. I'll put the leftovers of dinner away for another time.

I just believe in peace. Mealtime is the last place for an argument. I will make everyone happy, no matter what. Just me, I guess. It's just not that important to me.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've seen a couple of references to "kid appropriate" food and mac & cheese and hot dogs. Picky eaters aren't all cut from the "he'll only eat chicken nuggets and french fries" mold.

DD loves the chicken I cook for butter chicken - marinated in yogurt, lemon juice and spices, then baked on skewers. She doesn't like the sauce, but she loves the chicken...and the tandoori chicken dh makes on the bbq. She loves asparagus (the stalks, not the tips) and brussel sprouts. She likes chickpea pilaf, and veggies stir-fried with ginger and garlic. She also likes mac & cheese (prefers homemade) and french fries...but doesn't like chicken nuggets or grilled cheese. One of her favourite meals - a true treat - is oven-baked salmon. She can't stand ground beef in any form. She loves my mom's homemade french onion soup, and she loves shrimp and homemade fish chowder. She dislikes most chicken dishes. While she eats some "kid food", it's far from all she likes, and there's plenty of it that she can't stand.

DS2 likes more kid foods, but he likes almost everything...except ground beef (and rice). My little ones really have a thing about ground beef...

Honestly, picky as she is, most of what dd eats is really basic. She eats raw veggies, fruit, cheese (usually mozza - she doesn't like cheddar), nuts, yogurt, etc. She just doesn't seem to like most cooked meals all that much.


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## Girlprof (Jun 11, 2007)

Fun thread that is making me hungry!

We compromise at our house. I wish I were more "you get what you get" but frankly, I'm just not. We are big meal planners though.

Every Tues is breakfast for dinner which everyone likes. If I make an omelette that isn't kid friendly, I also make scrambled eggs.

Every Wed is grilled cheese, tomato soup and broccoli.

Every Thurs is pasta, salad, veggie.

(Almost) every Friday is burgers or dogs.

I know both kids eat enough of those meals to stay healthy and not hungry. They are all easy to make and DH and I like them a lot so we don't get tired of them.

Sat we often go out.

Sunday we make something more complicated and adult. The kids are supposed to try it, but if they don't like it, they can have some kind of leftovers or PB&J.

In some ways our meals are a little boring. On the other hand, we both work full time and these menus help us keep our meals reasonably healthy and fast.


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## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

This truely is SUCH a touchy subject for many families...

We have a very specific budget for food and I spend time each week figuring out healthy meals for the whole house. It is soooooo hard sometimes but I manage.

We implement a one bite "rule" just for the purposes of introducing new foods. If they like it-great, if not- we ask that they make a meal out of whatever is on the table that they enjoy. We also keep Asian style noodles ( not the run of the mill brands loaded with MSG) in the house so that they may add that to their meals or have it instead at any time along with fruit and whatever veggies we have on the table. I insist on a veggie with any dinner meal so I keep what they will eat stocked. This is the only alternative meal I offer and it works for us. It seems to be good insentive for them to explore foods. I figure the more they try the same things ( think back to the 1 bite rule thing... applies to things they've tried already as well ) the more their little taste buds will become familiar and maybe they'll start to like them ... eventually. But maybe not.

I never force foods. Ever. That was done to me and it was torture. Fortunately I eat just about everything as an adult but who knows what sort of issues kids could develope later in life from forced foods that are truely awful tasting to them. One of our kids has a serious smell and texture issue so there are times when he let's us know he can't try something and we believe him. He has literally thrown up on the table which is why we trust his judgment. This is the kiddo who has to sit on the opposite side of the lunch room during hot dog lunch day simply because the smell makes him sick. I want food to be a positive experience so that they don't rebel to junkfood later in life.

Breakfast is pretty DIY... cereals, muffins, oatmeal and I will make hot food sometimes.

Lunch... simple and not too diverse honestly. Usually something like a bagel/sandwhich/wasa crackers with nut butter/salad along with a fruit, and a snacky type thing like nuts or seeds, fruitabu, pirate booty etc. On weekends I switch it up with fun things for lunch that are hot like cheese and black bean quesadillas. Still keep it pretty simple though - those bad boys go right in the toaster oven


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
I think age should be a factor too. My teenager and pre-teen may not even BE here for dinner, so if I leave some (ala buffet style) and they don't want it, they'll make something else and I'm fine with that.

I always leave something for ds1 if he's not here, but he's pretty good at fending for himself. That frequently means a sandwich, but I'm okay with that.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I've seen a couple of references to "kid appropriate" food and mac & cheese and hot dogs. Picky eaters aren't all cut from the "he'll only eat chicken nuggets and french fries" mold.









:


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
In my house, I plan meals based on what's available in the garden and CSA box, or in the pantry and freezer in the winter. I take everyone's tastes into account, and try and plan several side dishes into the meal so everybody has options I know they like. We will have each person's favorites from time to time, and try new things sometimes.

But once the meal is planned, and cooked, it's the only one I'll serve. My kids are welcome to come to the table or not, as it pleases them, and they can choose from whatever's on offer. They can eat as much or as little as they please, and get down when they decide they're finished. What I won't do is get up from the table once I've sat down, to get something different for somebody who's not happy with their choices.

There is always milk and home-baked bread on the table, and there's always always fresh fruit after a meal, so whoever's not into what I cooked can have that.

So I guess I'm somewhere in between. I'm not going to serve up mac and cheese and hot dogs night after night, because it's "all they'll eat," like my MIL did for DH his whole childhood. But I do take everybody's tastes into account, and I do have options like bread, fruit, milk, yogurt, etc. available so nobody's going hungry if they don't like what's served.

FWIW, though, the meals I serve are the only meals my kids have ever been served-- they've really only rarely encountered what's usually thought of as "kid-appropriate" food. Since they could sit up and pick up food, they've been eating the same stuff DH and I eat. So they really actually like just about everything I cook, with rare exceptions. Even DD1, my pickiest child, has branched out a LOT since I stopped catering to her unpredictable preferences.

Everything you said...to the letter.

I cook everything from scratch using ingredients that come from many places...I cook all day and put a lot of thought into meals. My DD is only one now...but as my kids grow, they will grow up how I did, in respects to food. They will help me make it, so they know how, and they will eat it...because it's what to eat. I'm completely open to criticismm around here, if something ends up on the table that people are "bleh" about...I'll take it out of my line up! I love to cook, it's the way I show love for my family, so I love to cook what they love to EAT!







: Cooking is one of my greatest joys.

Thing is, I have lots of ingredients...but not a lot of "on the ready" options. I mean, yeah...a picky kid could munch on some veggies instead...but the veggies are on the table anyway. Same with the bread, fruit, etc. I try really hard to make the best food for us possible and I save us a lot of money (which makes it possible for me to be home) by creating and sticking to a meal plan...it's just really important that what I cook is eaten, and waht I don't cook is left alone to be used for the mal it was planned for.

I understand kids go through phases....but I can't support picky for the sake of picky. People have to eat! They have to eat well and regularly. I don't want my kids to get in the habit of not eating...but for now anyway, my DD has an amazing appetite and loves everything we do. All the veggies, fruits, everything. She's a real eater! I use variety...I do go out on a limb and make, say, chinese food, or traditional mexican meals, etc. sometimes, to keep things interesting...so, as she grows up, I'll tailor my meal plans so that what ever wild (or tame) thing it is that she loves ends up on the table too...but again...picky...I can't support it.


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## kindmomma (Sep 18, 2002)

I am enjoying this thread. I try very hard to only plan meals that everyone will enjoy but that is not always the case, of course








I do know my Anna will NOT eat anything with white sauce so I always have a "backup" meal for her. Something easy to make and I let her know a head of time. My stepdaughter AND DH won't eat anything with chunky tomatoes or onions. They will "pick it out"
My son on the other hand will at times request a PB&J instead of the main dinner item, but I do request that he eat his veggies hehe
I know what they like and they don't like and I am pretty lucky that my kids have MAJOR compassion for me and will say things to each other like
"just eat it and quit being difficult, mom has been at work all day"
hehehe
I never have any "fits" thrown.


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## Bug-a-Boo's Mama (Jan 15, 2008)

Well I guess it really depends on the meal, but I don't look at myself as a short order cook. Dinner at home, we all eat the same thing. Unless it is something spicy, then K might have a variation of it. Breakfast I will ask what he wants...but it is more of just heating up if anything, not cooking. Lunch depends. At home I guess we usually have the same thing. But if I am having leftovers or something K doesn't like (my time to eat WHATEVER I want to eat for lunch and no one else has to like it) then I will give him a couple of different options. But I'd say eating at home 85-90% of the time we all eat the same things.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

I will ask what they want for lunch if it's open. As in, I dont have leftovers I have to use. But dinner is what it is. You get what you get and dont throw a fit. I did the short order cook thing for a while when I only had 1 kid and it didnt do him or me any favors.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AverysMomma* 
I love to cook, it's the way I show love for my family, so I love to cook what they love to EAT!







:

I'd be able to put about 3 dinners on the table if I did it that way.

No ground beef, because of dd and ds2. (I can do tacos, because they skip the meat.)
No salmon, because of dh (the only meat/fish/poultry he doesn't like...and the favourite of everyone else).
No spaghetti or chili, because of ds1 and dd.
Nothing with mushrooms, because of both me and dh.
No pork, because of dd.
Most chicken dishes would be out, because of dd.
No more Indian dishes or Thai chicken curry, because of dd...except I could make the coconut fish stew.

I just have to accept that almost any meal I make is going to be received by at least one person who doesn't like it. Removing everything that someone doesn't like would leave me with almost nothing to serve.


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## soccermama (Jul 2, 2008)

I give DS a choice for breakfast and dinner - he goes to daycare during the day, so he eats whatever is served for lunch. I don't mind doing it because most of the time it's something easy and then I can quickly make my dinner and eat with him and then there are some times that he'll want what I'm having - even better!







When H is cooking, he does the same thing.


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## My3guys (May 27, 2009)

This is what works for us.

Our rule has always been that you don't have to clean your plate but you MUST try everything. However, people who do not finish their meal, do not get a "special treat" at the end of the meal. We also make sure that each meal has at least 4 colors on the plate. Fruit and vegetables are mandatory at every meal but breakfast (no veggies, usually).

We have never done "kids food" and because of that or maybe they would have been this way anyway, they eat a very wide range of foods. While each of us has likes and dislikes and I take those into account (DH allergic to shrimp, no bananas for me, one kid HATES jelly ,etc.) I do not do short order. I meal plan each week based on what is in season, on sale, in the garden, etc.

Breakfast works on a revolving basis. My three kids each get two days a week they choose and my DH gets Sunday. We all eat whatever the person picks. For lunch, they all get the same stuff although I will tailor it a bit. If it is PB&J, I am happy to give my jelly hater no J, for instance. For dinner, you get what you get. I never make just one thing. It is always a main dish, a couple sides, veggies, maybe a starch, etc. For instance, tonight is roasted vegetable enchiladas, chips and guacamole and a berry salad. everyone will find something there that they like.


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## pinksprklybarefoot (Jan 18, 2007)

In our house, it's "you get what you get" for the most part.

For breakfast, if the kids are up before I make it, I'll take requests. But I generally make the same thing (or similar) for both. The options at breakfast are all easy, so I don't mind giving one a banana and the other blueberries, or getting out two different boxes of cereal.

For lunch, I usually just make something, but if I am doing sandwiches I'll give a choice of deli slices or pb & j.

At dinner, I try to serve things that everyone will like, but if there is something on the plate that will be iffy, I try to make the rest of the meal likable. We don't make the kids clean their plates, but you have to make an honest effort before you can get anything else. We were running into a lot of food/time waste with DSD when she would claim to be "too full" to eat her dinner but then request snacks all night long. I am not a short order cook - I do one dinner meal and that is dinner.

For the most part, the kids are pretty good eaters and open about trying things. I didn't know how good I had it until we had a couple of DSD's friends eat dinner at our house. They were a little apprehensive about the meal... too many veggies, maybe?


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## SaraC (Jan 11, 2002)

Breakfast--Self serve for the older girls(mainly since they get up before their sisters and I get up) and I usually make the 2yr old cereal, oatmeal, etc. They can have what they want depending on what we have--cereal, oatmeal, eggs(if I am in the mood), yogurt, etc. Sometimes on Saturdays we have baked goods.

Lunch--Anything they want as long as we have it. My older DDs usually make their own lunches and they can be anything from PB&J to leftovers. Sometimes I will make pizza when I babysit their friends just to have something different.

Dinner--We all eat the same thing. I really do try to plan meals that everyone will like so we will all eat it. My oldest DD hates certain veggies so she can try a couple of bites to see if she still hates them and then she can pick out the rest. Occasionally we have have a kids dinner and an adults dinner. Mainly when my DH has a ballgame or we are in a rush to get somewhere. On Tuesdays my olders have church at 6 so all of my kids eat something I make before so we can get out the door and then DH and I will eat when they go to bed at 7:30. But lately Tuesday has been spaghetti night so we all eat that. Friday is pizza night almost every week and my kids love that.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

"Get what you get and don't throw a fit"

I always have 4-8 kids here at a meal. Four my own, then whatever kids I'm watching. I make the same thing for everyone and they can eat it or wait till the next meal/snack. It's not like there's only one item on the plate, so if they don't like one thing on it, they can eat the rest.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

For breakfast, everyone chooses what they want: waffle or cereal is the usual choice, though sometimes dd will dig through the fridge and come up with something leftover like mac 'n cheese that she wants.

Lunch, we'll cook what they like, since we all tend to eat at different times. During the school year, ds takes a packed lunch (ham sandwich, apple, goldfish - yes, it's the same every day).

For dinner, they eat what's served. No WAY am I making a second dinner for ANYONE. I always make at least one thing I know they will eat. Dh has major sensory issues around food, so I'm careful as to what I mix anyway. So, we serve all pastas/rice without sauces to begin with. They'll always eat plain pasta if nothing else. I figure if they eat well during the other meals and are offered a snack before bed, they aren't going to starve.

Since dh has such major issues with food, and dd tends that way, there is no requirement that you try something, though I might encourage it. They're allowed to stop when they're done, and they can have snacks later in the evening if they are still hungry.

FWIW my kids think the phrase "You get what you get and you don't have a fit" is really funny. I have no idea why. They heard it somewhere about a year ago (in a book? on TV?) and whenever I trot it out, they laugh hysterically.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Breakfast and lunch everyone pretty much gets to pick whatever they want. I'll only make one main course for breakfast (muffins, french toast, etc.), but if I'm doing eggs I'll ask everyone how they want theirs, and the kids can choose their own fruit, or choose to have a bowl of cereal instead if they'd rather.

Same with lunch -- it's pretty much always sandwich/crackers/fruit, but they can pick whatever kind of sandwich they want, and whether they want it on bread or a tortilla, and whatever kind of crackers and fruit they want.

With dinner, we only make one meal for the family, so there's a bit of a "you get what you get" element, but each of us gets to choose 2 meals for the week, so there will definitely be something each kid likes at least that often, and the sides are always something they'll like (rice, broccoli, rolls, or whatever). If I'm making something I really feel like having that I absolutely know my kids aren't going to like, I'll give them an extra side dish like yogurt or even a PBJ.

But no, I won't get up and cook them a whole new meal if they decide they don't want to eat what's on the table. They've never asked me to, though, so I haven't really come across this. And they get a bedtime snack (a banana, or graham crackers and milk), so we all know they won't go to bed hungry even if they don't eat much dinner.


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Agatha_Ann* 
I was wondering if other moms are short order cooks as well? Do you give choices or just ask what everyone wants?

I only give choices of things that are super easy for me....ie cereal, sandwich, pre-made pancake, box of raisins, etc. Nothing I have to put any effort into is an allowable choice when I'm letting them pick. If I make something that takes effort, they both get the same thing, and it's "that's your dinner".


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

Quote:

If I'm making a dinner I know one of them won't eat, I make them something else. I may make three meals. By meals, I don't mean I spend an hour on the toddler's food - maybe she'll get a grilled cheese and honey'ed carrots instead of the chicken kiev I made the rest of the family.
This is sort of what I do too.

Our problem meal, even at this age though, is breakfast. I've been more then a short order cook lately though, and since he can't tell me exactly what he needs by the time breakfast is done, my nerves are frayed.

But, the idea is that, I'll end up doing more of a I make this, and if you want something different for dinner, you can get your own dinner eventually. It won't be a "eat or don't eat" situation here. For dinner, it'll be more of a this is what we're eating, or go to the fridge and make what you like. If I have good choices, it shouldn't be an issue, and I'm not getting frustrated over multiple meal plans.

I also try hard to make sure I offer him things that I know he likes, and then some new stuff, but always healthy choices so I know that he's getting something good no matter what he eats.


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## BoringTales (Aug 1, 2006)

I'm pretty flexible, within reason, for lunches. If I'm making sandwiches I don't have a problem making one PB&J, one ham, one with cheese, one without mayo, etc. I don't normally make completely separate things though, even for lunch.

For dinner its a you get what you get thing. I make one thing for dinner. There is always one aspect of the meal, be it a veggie or side dish, that I KNOW they will like. They get a bit of everything on their plates, are encouraged to try everything, but not forced.

I think that there are picky eater with true sensory issues out there, but honestly the vast majority of 'picky' kids I've ever personally encountered were made. I could easily see how my kids could 'go there' if I let them. My almost 5 year old is always "I don't LIIIIKKKKKE that." The same thing he had 2nds of last week. What he means is, "That isn't exactly what I feel like eating this very moment!" Too bad for you!


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

Quote:

the meals I serve are the only meals my kids have ever been served-- they've really only rarely encountered what's usually thought of as "kid-appropriate" food. Since they could sit up and pick up food, they've been eating the same stuff DH and I eat. So they really actually like just about everything I cook, with rare exceptions.
this is where we're at.


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## kirstenb (Oct 4, 2007)

I'm not a short order cook. I just don't have the time to make three separate meals. I always make sure that I have sides I know DS will like, so if he doesn't like the main dish he still gets plenty to eat. I won't make him another meal though. I also don't make meals I KNOW he hates, just like I won't make meals I or DH hate.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I try to find a nice balance. We went for a while never having cabbage because dd doesn't like it. Then March 17 came around and, Dang it, I wanted cabbage. I insisted dd put some on her plate, I urged her to have a bite, saying she might change her mind. She had not changed her mind about cabbage. No biggy. She ate the carrots, though.

We do what's right for our families and for US. I will not make this a moral, judgmental issue. That's the negative vibe I get from some parents.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kindmomma* 
I am enjoying this thread. I try very hard to only plan meals that everyone will enjoy but that is not always the case, of course








I do know my Anna will NOT eat anything with white sauce so I always have a "backup" meal for her. Something easy to make and I let her know a head of time. My stepdaughter AND DH won't eat anything with chunky tomatoes or onions. They will "pick it out"
My son on the other hand will at times request a PB&J instead of the main dinner item, but I do request that he eat his veggies hehe
I know what they like and they don't like and *I am pretty lucky that my kids have MAJOR compassion for me and will say things to each other like
"just eat it and quit being difficult, mom has been at work all day"*
hehehe
I never have any "fits" thrown.

Awww, what a fantastic attitude! That's just wonderful.


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

Breakfast and snacks are serve yourself.

Lunch and dinner are 'you get what you get.'


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

For breakfast and lunch, usually all of us will have something different (including DH and myself)


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
Breakfast and lunch everyone pretty much gets to pick whatever they want. I'll only make one main course for breakfast (muffins, french toast, etc.), but if I'm doing eggs I'll ask everyone how they want theirs, and the kids can choose their own fruit, or choose to have a bowl of cereal instead if they'd rather.

Same with lunch -- it's pretty much always sandwich/crackers/fruit, but they can pick whatever kind of sandwich they want, and whether they want it on bread or a tortilla, and whatever kind of crackers and fruit they want.

With dinner, we only make one meal for the family, so there's a bit of a "you get what you get" element, but each of us gets to choose 2 meals for the week, so there will definitely be something each kid likes at least that often, and the sides are always something they'll like (rice, broccoli, rolls, or whatever). If I'm making something I really feel like having that I absolutely know my kids aren't going to like, I'll give them an extra side dish like yogurt or even a PBJ.

But no, I won't get up and cook them a whole new meal if they decide they don't want to eat what's on the table. They've never asked me to, though, so I haven't really come across this. And they get a bedtime snack (a banana, or graham crackers and milk), so we all know they won't go to bed hungry even if they don't eat much dinner.


This is exactly what I do too!!


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## Just Elsa (May 18, 2009)

Somewhere in between. I believe I would NOT make three different lunches, but to be fair, I only have one kid, so maybe I'd cave. My older brother and I started packing our own lunches when I was 5 because dad was sick of us complaining. (Doing our own laundry started when I was 6 or 7 for the same reason. We were slow learners!)

I allow my son to have input on what we eat and meal planning, especially now that he's old enough to do some of the cooking. We've always allowed a short list of "won't eats" because he's so good about trying new things. He eats sushi and pakistani food, so if he hates eggs, I'm still ahead of the game.







Given the choice he'd eat no veggies, but we're not going for that, so we eat the ones he does like fairly often. (Y'all, I am so sick of broccoli, you just don't know.) If I want something spicy for dinner I'll let him make himself soup or whatever.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

I was a short order cook...but then Kincaid had SEVERE eating issues, like needing to be rehydrated and within hours of resorting to a feeding tube severe, so we ended up in feeding therapy and seeing a bunch of nutritionists. After all of that, and finally getting him to eat, we are a you get what you get family...they don't have to eat what we offer, but they don't get anything else. This was the suggestion of every single therapist and nutritionist we saw, and it worked (along with some other things), he is no longer going days without eating/drinking anything at all.

We do do meal planning and grocery shopping together, all of us. We plan for 15 meals at a time, and each of us 4 pick 2 meals a piece, then the other 7 meals are comprised of easy go to things that we can make in a hurry. They can pick anything for their 2 meals from any cookbook, show, or website they want. And we shop for it all together, and they help us cook.

eta: Kincaid STILL throws a huge fit about everything except raw fish or peanut butter on a spoon...he still doesn't want to eat anything we serve, but no one can live off only 2 things ever, so it's just not an option to let him pick, we tried that, it led to a very very unhealthy child.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

We short order cook for breakfast because we all like different things. Ds1 likes scrambled or fried eggs, ds2 likes omelets, I like granola.

I don't really do a formal lunch, so I just make the kids whatever they want to eat when they're hungry. If one kid asks for something they both like I tend to just make that for both of them unless one of them really doesn't want it.

For dinner I make a main meal, and if it's something I know the kids won't eat, I'll keep some of it plain or make something easy like pasta or quesdillas with baby carrots or apples.

I don't feel like I short order cook, but I do take what they are in the mood for into consideration. I myself have a delicate stomach, and while I love a wide variety of healthy foods, I can only eat what I am in the mood for at that time. So I am not one to say to anyone else that we're having turkey sandwiches whether they like it or not. But they also know where the fridge is and are welcome to make themselves a bowl of cereal or pb&j or whatever they are capable of making without me.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amylcd* 
For breakfast and lunch, usually all of us will have something different (including DH and myself)

This too...breakfast and lunch except on weekends are usually fend for yourself...the kids can have yogurt, cereal, eggs, frozen stuff if we have any (like if I make french toast for dinner I triple it and freeze the rest), and/or oatmeal...for lunch they can have all of that, or a sandwich, leftovers, whatever.

Breakfast on the weekends is eaten out 95% of the time...lunch is usually a picnic or also eaten at a restaurant.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

We make all the meals in our home. We know the things our kids don't like (DS hates tomatoes, corn, peas; DD isn't a big meat eater, doesn't like sweet sauces, doesn't eat a lot of Japanese foods). We try to make meals with these things in mind. If we are making a spicy dish and know the kids won't like it then we make them something different usually with the same basic ingredients. If the kids don't like what we've made, they can look in the fridge and make themselves something else. Last night DD didn't like what DH made for dinner. We told her she could make herself a pb&j or could find something healthy in the fridge (she chose carrot sticks and almond butter with a spoon). I don't want meal times to be sad times. We do like our children to at least taste what we've made if we have made it with ingredients they like. . .at least one bite then they can choose something else. We also have a rule in our home that none of us say "I don't like . . ." or "I hate. . ." or "yucky". . .instead we have taught our children to say "This is not for me". We are also trying to teach our children that when we are guests in someone else's home we try everything (which can be tough even for DH and I sometimes) which is the polite thing to do. If they still don't like the item, DH or I will usually choke it down (being wasteful is really bad in this culture) and try to find them something they like on the plate (usually rice).


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

That sounds like our house. And when they are old enough to make their own pb&j, they are so thrilled. And, really, lunch is the only meal that kids get a real choice about. I do keep everyone's tastes in mind when I make dinner. Especially since Erica and Angela were vegetarians when they were at home. There was always a vegetarian side dish that could double as a protein entree. Even now I will cook fish when Angela comes to visit and chicken when Erica eats over.


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## MOMYS (Nov 5, 2008)

Since I'm feeding 7 or 8 people at every mealtime, I pretty much am adamant not to be a short order cook! I have a menu and I am on a budget, so I cook good nutritious food and I actually expect people to eat it.

If it sounds harsh, so be it!

We rotate breakfasts: Mon: Cereal; Tues: Oats; Wed: Muffins; Thurs: Cream of Wheat; Friday: Waffles; Saturday: Pancakes; Sunday: Eggs in one form or another.

For Lunch I bake bread: Wholewheat seed loaf 4 times a week; Cinnamon and Raisin bread twice a week and Herb Bread once a week. Everyone can choose their own toppings.

For Supper, I try and cook what I know everyone will eat, but sometimes this isn't possible.


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## Lula's Mom (Oct 29, 2003)

We don't do a sit-down dinner meal. We each eat at a general late evening, it's getting to be close to bedtime, I'm-getting-hungry time. So yes, I ask around and see who wants what for dinner. It is no skin off my nose to make a sandwich or vegetarian 'chicken' nuggets and microwave mashed potatoes for dd, and a bowlful of turkey or yogurt for ds. And then DH or I either cook something for the 2 of us, or we forage for ourselves.

I really, really do get tired of hearing the judgment about 'picky eaters'. My kids have a VERY limited array of things they will eat. We're constantly trying to find new things they'll eat, but I won't force them to go hungry and you can't beg, bribe or threaten them into trying something they don't want. I tried everything before I decided to freaking relax, and we are all happier.

DH and I are adventurous eaters, but neither of the kids are, even with our encouragement and example. And I'm really not going to tell a child from the time s/he starts solids (which is when their 'picky' natures were revealed) that they will eat it or get nothing, and they'll learn after going to bed hungry.

I'm not sure why it matters to people- strangers, even- how our family deals with food. It almost seems like a badge of honor to say "hell no, I make one thing only- _and you're wrong if you make different things for everyone_." Honestly I think it's lovely if your kids eat whatever you make, but *we are different and I feel fine about that*.

We do our best to see that our kids get an adequate intake of nutrients throughout the day within the parameters of the food they like. It's simply not one of the battles I care to fight (perhaps because I remember that I was extremely picky as a child, but I eat almost anything now). I care about their manners and picking up after themselves much more than I do about this, and some people care more about the food issue.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Breakfast is the meal we have that's varied. DH eats a granola bar. I have an apple and boiled egg. The kids have an "always available" menu of options: omelet, pancakes, cereal, scrambled eggs. On weekends, I usually make something a bit more involved for breakfast - French toast, breakfast burritos, etc., and then we all eat together. Sometimes DD asks for a plate of fruit, which is fine, too.

For lunch, we're a basic carb and protein usually with a veggie thrown in. For dinner, we all eat the same thing. If we have something new that the kids try and really, really dislike, then I'll let them have something else that's easy - sandwiches, cheese and crackers, etc.


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## MOMYS (Nov 5, 2008)

Lula's mom, funny how perceptions are different from person to person! I have very much felt in this thread that it was almost a badge of honour to say: "I make whatever my kids like - and you're wroong if you make different things for everyone"... and you perceive it as the opposite side of the coin!

I think, ultimately, the truth is that each one of us does what works for us and that is okay! I'm comfortable with how we do things... works for us and that is fine! Sounds like you are in the same place!


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## kayabrink (Apr 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
We provide the food and they have the option to eat it or not eat it. I am definitely not a short order cook. I know which foods they like and don't like so obviously I won't serve a meal full of stuff they hate but if I make, for example, a nice chicken/rice/vegetable stirfry they are going to eat what is served or go hungry. I know they eat those things and I am not going to cater to pickiness. When I see kids who are supposedly picky (and not for medical reasons) and they will only eat junky stuff like french fries and macaroni and cheese I just want to smack the parents and say, "Well they couldn't eat only that if you would stop serving it!" From day one my kids were raised to eat well and they all do. There are a few blips here and there where they will refuse to eat something but a night of going to bed hungry (by their choice) cures them of that pretty quickly.

Exactly. Even if ds could make his own meal (pb/j for example) that would not be an option. I strongly believe that the eating habits you acquire as a child follow you for life, and so eating healthy, balanced and VARIED meals is important for me.


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## Lula's Mom (Oct 29, 2003)

, MOMYS! I think it's been the comments about picky kids being made (by their parents who must not know or care about proper nutrition...) rather than born that gave me that impression. Believe me, I wish my kids weren't so limited in what they'll eat! I went through so much to convince them to try things!

But they apparently have way, way different tastes than I do. I've decided that I need to live with that for now, and just trust that their tastes will change and grow like mine did. I have firsthand experience in knowing that just because you once would only eat stereotypical "kid food", it doesn't mean you won't grow up to eat a varied diet. They're healthy and thriving as it is.


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## benj (Jun 4, 2009)

Our kids are young now and enjoy a variety of different foods. However, when they get older we will give them a choice: take it or leave it.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I'm on a tight food budget so I don't have the money to make 3 separate meals 3 separate times during the day. I have a food list and its stuck to, if someone doesn't like it they can either eat or not eat (I guess that makes me a bad mom, oops). Thats for all of us to, there are times that my DH or my DD wants to eat something that I don't like and I still force myself to eat it or just eat the veggies/side dish. Im not going to say that we can't have x,y,z because I don't like it and I don't allow my DH or my DD to say it either. DH hates peas so he picks them out of his meal if they are in there. DD doesn't like spicy stuff so she either has a more mild form of what we are eating or she eats the side dishes/veggies and not the main dish.
Breakfast everyone has whatever I have the time and energy to make. DH leaves between 4-6 in the morning so he will have whatever I made up and put in the refrigerator to eat (usually breakfast burritos or an omelet). DD and I usually have oatmeal, cold cereal or pancakes depending on the day and what I have planned. Lunch is either sandwiches or left overs and dinners are planned once a month and most everything is bought the first weekend of the month. If we don't feel like something that night we can pick something else or just deal with it and eat it.
Honestly I babysat someone who allowed their children to dictate what they ate and when they ate and it was a total nightmare. We ended up with one of the girls ordering us to go buy her a happy meal because that's what she wanted and her mom/dad did whatever she wanted. When we told her no she threw a hit, started to hit us and her siblings then hid under the bed yelling that we were abusing her. When her mom showed up and found out about it she left again to go get the kid a happy meal. Theres no way I'm going to have my children do that.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kayabrink* 
I strongly believe that the eating habits you acquire as a child follow you for life, and so eating healthy, balanced and VARIED meals is important for me.

I still know several people I knew when I was a kid (cousins, friends and siblings). _None_ of us eat the way we ate as kids. I grew up on a fairly basic, mostly British-influenced, diet...very "meat and potatoes" in many ways. It was all cooked from scratch. We never even ate pizza, spaghetti or tacos (mom didn't like them...and I didn't, either). I eat _very_ few of those meals now, and also cook/eat Indian and Thai dishes (I'm the only one in the family who eats either, and I'm the one who introduced it to our family). My sister eats some of the same meals, but also eats _far_ more processed food than we ever did. My brother eats a wide variety of stuff, but he's also prone to restaurant meals at the drop of a hat. I was the picky eater, but I'm probably the most adventurous one now. My sister used to eat anything put in front of her, and she's very limited in what she'll eat now.

My mom doesn't eat like she did when we were kids - her tastes have continued to expand (eg. she does now make/eat spaghetti, and she also does some really good Chinese cooking). My aunt doesn't eat like she did when my cousins were kids...and when they were kids, she didn't eat the same way _she_ had as a kid.

I honestly don't know a single person whose eating habits are the same as they were when they were children...not one.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OkiMom* 
Honestly I babysat someone who allowed their children to dictate what they ate and when they ate and it was a total nightmare. We ended up with one of the girls ordering us to go buy her a happy meal because that's what she wanted and her mom/dad did whatever she wanted. When we told her no she threw a hit, started to hit us and her siblings then hid under the bed yelling that we were abusing her. When her mom showed up and found out about it she left again to go get the kid a happy meal. Theres no way I'm going to have my children do that.

Neither am I. If any of my kids behaved that way, they could live without supper. (DD has come close a few times.) However, there's a _lot_ of territory between what you describe and "eat it whether you like it or not".


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## leaveit2beeker (Jun 2, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Agatha_Ann* 
I just made a turkey sandwich with sprouts and apple, a PB and J with banana, and a ham wrap with pretzels and grapes to make everyone happy for lunch. I was wondering if other moms are short order cooks as well? Do you give choices or just ask what everyone wants?

I am much more flexible at lunch than any other meal. I think breakfast I'm still waking up and try to make things easy by doing just cereal or waffles, muffins etc for everyone. Dinner I work hard on so I expect everyone to try it, but I obviously don't force food and I try to plan meals that everyone will enjoy. Lunch though seems to be ala carte...

How is it in your houses?







:

Not my bridge to cross just yet, but...

My nephew still, at 13 y/o (13!), dictates what he wants for dinner whether or not what he wants is actually being served. It's embarrasing to see. I think it's more my sister's parenting than anything, but the lesson I've taken from it is "eat it or don't."









As for my house, I make my ds' meals separate at 16 months, because he eats healthier than we do! How awful...but I don't think it's outlandish to offer one substitute, as in a PB sandwich or something healthy. The option can always be PB sandwich (or whatever) if they won't eat what you've made.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Agatha_Ann* 
I just made a turkey sandwich with sprouts and apple, a PB and J with banana, and a ham wrap with pretzels and grapes to make everyone happy for lunch. I was wondering if other moms are short order cooks as well?

I hate the phrase "short order cook." I'm a mama, who feels incredibly blessed to have so many food choices and wonderful children to whom I can offer those choices.

So yeah, they totally have a say in what they eat.


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## jlobe (May 1, 2009)

Due to strong beliefs I make alot of my own food ( ie; bread, yogurt, granola, etc.) and I just don't have time to make basics, plus cater to each child's taste's. So, supper is whatever is in the garden, CSA box or freezer. I do ask them to taste whatever I've made (a bit of a respect issue for who is taking time to prepare the food). If after a bit, they don't like it or don't have much then after I'm finished eating they can have yogurt, fruit and granola or bread and peanut butter. I used to respond to requests as they came in, but I just wanted to actually sit for a whole meal for once.....







: (my kids are 5 and 3)


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Agatha_Ann* 
I just made a turkey sandwich with sprouts and apple, a PB and J with banana, and a ham wrap with pretzels and grapes to make everyone happy for lunch. I was wondering if other moms are short order cooks as well? Do you give choices or just ask what everyone wants?

I am much more flexible at lunch than any other meal. I think breakfast I'm still waking up and try to make things easy by doing just cereal or waffles, muffins etc for everyone. Dinner I work hard on so I expect everyone to try it, but I obviously don't force food and I try to plan meals that everyone will enjoy. Lunch though seems to be ala carte...

How is it in your houses?







:

I actually don't consider making the meal above as short order cooking. With sandwiches (and breakfast stuff) it's just as easy to make 2 or 3 different things as it is to make one. You still have to get the bread out, grab the stuff from the fridge and build the sandwich. The ingredients might not be the same, the amount of the work is...yk?

What I do consider to be short order cooking is when one family member wants grilled chicken, another wants a pasta dish and yet another one a steak. I would not cook all of these things at one meal. I will try to accomodate everyone and always serve something that everyone will eat. But I just can't make 3 totally different meals that require totally different ingredients.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I honestly don't know a single person whose eating habits are the same as they were when they were children...not one.

My brother is 27 now, he will eat meat (chicken, turkey, pork, and beef) seasoned with salt and a tiny tiny bit of black pepper in necesarry, corn, oranges, white bread, pasta with nothing but salt on it, saltine crackers, pringles, doritoes, pretzels, some candy bars, white or chocolate cake, and a couple kinds of cookies, pizza with no sauce and bacon on it.

That is all...seriously, that's it, and it's the same exact way he has eaten his whole life, and yes, my mom did make us whatever we wanted every single night. I also eat the same way I did as a kid, it just so happens I am naturally not at all picky (except with desserts, I really don't like sweets)...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cinder* 
My brother is 27 now, he will eat meat (chicken, turkey, pork, and beef) seasoned with salt and a tiny tiny bit of black pepper in necesarry, corn, oranges, white bread, pasta with nothing but salt on it, saltine crackers, pringles, doritoes, pretzels, some candy bars, white or chocolate cake, and a couple kinds of cookies, pizza with no sauce and bacon on it.

That is all...seriously, that's it, and it's the same exact way he has eaten his whole life, and yes, my mom did make us whatever we wanted every single night. I also eat the same way I did as a kid, it just so happens I am naturally not at all picky (except with desserts, I really don't like sweets)...

I never said they weren't out there...just that I don't know any.

I honestly can't even imagine my mom making us whatever we wanted every night. She'd have been cooking anywhere from 3-5 different meals every night! I certainly wouldn't do that...


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I make dinner and everyone eats what is being made. I mean my DD is almost 3 and is not very picky, she gets yogurt or cereal and fruit for breakfast, a grilled cheese or a sandwich for lunch, and we all have dinner.

I personally can't make 20 things just to make everyone happy, so we get one meal and that's that. Plus I am a good cook, so there are rarely complaints-I know what my family enjoys.


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## Labbemama (May 23, 2008)

In our house it's "Take it, leave it, or PBJ" and I do not make them their PBJ or soup. At this point that would be enabling their finickyness. Course they are bigger but if they don't want it then they can make their own PBJ and I have a sign that says "Today's Menu: Take It, Leave it" and we painted on PBJ. But it's been that way since they went to head start and learned to serve themselves.

We got it when we were foster parenting 10 kids plus our two. The funny thing is they had the same cook, who they had for 3 years before we got there and all 10 kids had complaints about the food, plus my 2 who were eating differently than they were used to. LOL

I need an upated sign I guess.
"Todays Menu"
What are you kids making me for dinner anyways? Love Mom.

Two of them are big enough to cook. I think I am going to assign them a night so they can appreciate what it's like to make a meal and have everyone moan and groan about it. They were whining that I ordered PIzza. seriously you can not please all of the people all of the time.

My issue is that I have no idea what for dinner. I'm not particularily hungry and nobody likes the same things so I just get sick of being the "dinner decider."


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Labbemama* 
Two of them are big enough to cook. I think I am going to assign them a night so they can appreciate what it's like to make a meal and have everyone moan and groan about it.

I'm definitely going to get ds1 to do a bit of cooking, starting this summer. He won't have to do much (he's very busy), but I think it would be good for him to learn to cook a full meal.

Quote:

They were whining that I ordered PIzza.
Okay - _that_ wouldn't happen around here, unless I was doing it every night or something...

Quote:

My issue is that I have no idea what for dinner. I'm not particularily hungry and nobody likes the same things so I just get sick of being the "dinner decider."
DH and I started meal planning for dinners at the beginning of January. We sit down on Saturday or Sunday and work out dinners for the week, then I go shopping. I'm not always in the mood for whatever we mapped out, but it does eliminate a _lot_ of stress.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kayabrink* 
Exactly. Even if ds could make his own meal (pb/j for example) that would not be an option. I strongly believe that the eating habits you acquire as a child follow you for life, and so eating healthy, balanced and VARIED meals is important for me.

PB&J in our house is whole sprouted grain, no flour bread, freshly ground peanut butter (or almond butter) without sugar or salt, and low sugar, organic strawberry jam. I figure this is as healthy as many of the things I might make on any given night. And pb&j is just an example of what they would like that they can get on their own. It might just as likely be a can of tuna, garbanzo beans, strawberries, an apple, a banana, toast, refried beans, hard boiled egg, turkey sandwich, edamame, waffles, or what have you.

My kids generally eat just fine, and we don't have a problem. But if I'm in the mood to make pad thai (which is something they would not be into at all) I have no problem with them making themselves a pb&j instead. Tonight I made molasses chicken, corn, salad and baked sweet potatoes, but because I know my kids really dislike sweet potatoes, I mashed some regular red potatoes for them (well, ds1 did all the mashing and the seasoning, I just cut them up and boiled them).

ETA: As far as establishing healthy eating habits to follow them for the rest of their lives, the most important one for me is for them to listen to their bodies. Are they hungry? Are they thirsty? What sounds good to them? What doesn't smell/look/feel right at this time? There have been times when I have been presented with a food I love, like cheese enchiladas, and for some reason I just didn't want it. Then the next day I would wake up with a sore throat - sure enough, I was getting sick, and my body does not do well with dairy when I am sick. I am really glad that I had parents who encouraged me to say no to the cheese enchiladas and instead let me have crackers and cantaloupe because that's what my body was needing at that time. As long as all the available choices are reasonably healthy ones, I feel really good knowing that my kids can eat in tune with what their bodies are telling them at that moment. Eating whatever is put in front of you is, imo, not a healthy eating habit.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
DH and I started meal planning for dinners at the beginning of January. We sit down on Saturday or Sunday and work out dinners for the week, then I go shopping. I'm not always in the mood for whatever we mapped out, but it does eliminate a _lot_ of stress.

We started something similar recently, and I love it! It was so stressful for me to have to decide what to have for dinner every night, especially on nights when I wasn't particularly in the mood for anything. I don't mind grocery shopping, and I love cooking, but I don't want to be in charge of meal planning!

So now DH, DS, and I each get to choose 2 dinners per week, and we eat out the 7th night. It's been awesome! DS has picked great, balanced meals all on his own, which pleasantly surprised me, and DH comes up with stuff I wouldn't have thought of. When DD gets old enough we'll include her in this too -- it's cute now to hear DS getting all excited when we're having one of "his" meals for dinner.


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## lemurik (Jul 26, 2007)

Everyone in the family eats at a different time, so the kids usually eat separately.
Breakfast in our home is oatmeal, or on occasion french toast or omelet. Lunch is a protein + veggies and cooked for the whole family. Afternoon meal is whatever they want as long as it includes dairy and fruit. Dinner is pretty flexible, depending on what the rest of the family eats and the other meals of the day.


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## Phoenix~Mama (Dec 24, 2007)

Breakfast there is usually three choices, a granola bar, cereal or PB&J

Lunch there are typically choices of different sandwiches, or if there is leftover pasta because I know DSD loves pasta! lol

Dinner is pretty much, this is what we made, this is what it is. We tend to try to make something for dinner that we know DSD will like, but occaisonly she will throw us a curve ball, but then we have at least try a bite, because there have been many times where she tried something then liked it.

And as we grow our taste buds constantly change, so I do try to encourage tasting things here and there.

For instance when I was a kid I HATED broccoli and aspargus, now they are some of my favorite veggies! lol


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

Generally, you get what you get.

That said, Breakfast and Lunch are usually leftovers/quick to fix, and I'll let DD decide, within reason (ie...I'm not cooking a 3 course meal for breakfast, but, I'm more than willing to heat up a bowl of soup or make a grilled cheese for her). I will occassionally say she needs protein or a veggie or whatever.

Dinner - she gets what she gets. I expect her to at least TRY something new. She has never gotten into the "stereotypical" kid's food rut. She might get into a rut where she'll eat dried strawberries and pancakes for a week running, but, next week, it might be leftover curry at every meal until it's gone. I can list the foods she truly does not like on one hand.

This has just started to work where I am employed - I'm a nanny, and the kids are/were VERY VERY picky. I've made it clear that while I will make something each of them likes at each meal (3 kids +DD, usually 3 components to a meal), there may be something they are not "fond" of at each meal, and I expect them to eat about half of it. If it is something I know they TRULY hate (or can't have, in the case of the eldest, who has a spacer right now), I won't serve it. I'll add ketchup, parmesan, butter, etc., as requested - that's fine. But, they tried to pull "we only like chicken nuggets in dinosaur shapes" and "I only eat mac and cheese if it's shaped like XYZ" and "you need to cut my sandwich into hexagons", and I was NOT having it. Plus, the youngest was saying she knew she didn't like stuff, even though she'd never had it, because her brother/sister didn't like it. The only consequence is if they're "too full" to eat, they're "too full" for dessert.

It mostly works. The youngest has found a ton of new stuff she likes (she's with my DD most of the day, and, like I said, DD likes a variety of stuff), and the older two will occassionally try something new (like, yesterday, the eldest tried mulberries, even after I refused to pick the stems off of every single one), or at least "suffer" through half of the "offensive" food.

Food is something we should be thankful for. We are lucky to have adequate food, enormous variety, and the means by which to prepare it. I understand people have genuine likes/dislikes, but I'm not going to cater to the whims of four young kids who just don't "feel like" whatever I've prepared. If they truly aren't hungry, I'll put their plate away for later, but, I'm not going to let them fill up on graham crackers and fruit drinks in place of a semi-balanced (at least) meal.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I know what my dd and dh like and I know what I like and I try to accommodate everyone's tastes with the meal. Otherwise, I make a version of what dh and I are having for dd. Like noodles with sauce out of the fridge rather than noodles with whatever we're having. Otherwise, she's old enough to get something else she wants. I don't believe in having power struggles over food, but I don't really want to spend that much time in the kitchen. With one kid eating solids, it doesn't seem to be hard to make that happen.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I honestly don't know a single person whose eating habits are the same as they were when they were children...not one.

Amen.

I guess my interpretation is way different than others. If hubby and I want something the kids hate, I'm going to make what I like and make the kids something else. And that "something else" will be just as healthy and yummy as what I'm making for hubby and me. There seems to be the notion that a different meal for the kid must be french fries and deep fried fat. I also don't "make what they demand". I'll tell them, tonite we're having meatloaf and mashed potatos". If one of them isn't in the mood, I'll throw a chicken breast on to cook, and he can have that with the mashed potatoes.

Works for us. I would never insist they eat something they don't want, I would never let them go hungry, and this won't affect them later in life - except maybe they'll tell their wife not to make meatloaf.

*Making them something else doesn't mean they're picky, doesn't mean I spent another hour cooking THEIR food, doesn't mean they don't eat healthy, and doesn't mean they dictate their foods. And it doesn't mean they won't have good meals in 10 years either. I think some are really missing the point of what some of us do.*

That's all. I think I've been in this thread long enough!


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## ChampagneBlossom (Feb 5, 2009)

I plan our meals with everyone in mind. If someone absolutely had a visceral reaction to a food I wouldn't make it. DH got really sick from chicken and rice once before I met him, and to this day he can't eat it - so I only make it when he's not going to be in the house for dinner. My whole family is pseudo-allergic to all sorts of seafood, tuna inclusive - while it's not an allergic reaction it's definitely a throw-up-immediately-at-the-taste-and-sometimes-smell-of-it. It's not pickiness, it's much more uncontrollable than that. So, DH respects that and doesn't bring seafood into the house even if he's craving lobster.

That all said, there are no alternatives cooked for dinner, and there won't be. Sometimes DH will eat half a plate and decide he wants something else (he is really into the whole spam-kraft foods, not so much into vegetables and the like) so I try to keep snacks stocked for him and he can fix himself something else. As for the kids, DD eats literally whatever, anything and everything, she's a little vacuum cleaner. DS is starting to move into a picky phase and ask for pie whenever he doesn't want to eat something, but I figure that's a bad precedent to set and I tell him to just eat what he gets. Obviously if he was really suffering or hungry I would give him an alternative, but he seems to understand that what we're eating is, well, it, and he'll either pick at it or leave, which is fine with me. Sometimes he's just not that hungry and he just wants to eat something fun. I give him lots of choices for breakfast, snacks, lunch... We cook together too so he helps me decide what to make. I try to honor his requests and preferences as much as I can. But no way am I going to put up with "I don't like this, cook me something else."









ETA: I forgot to mention, before anyone thinks I'm super cruel, that usually every meal at our house consists of lots of mini dishes. Like, we'll have four sides and a little bit of meat, or something like that. I always make sure everyone really likes at *least* one or two of the sides. For some reason, DS can't stand peas, but he loves corn. So if I have peas as one of the sides, I will always make sure to have corn as well. DH doesn't particularly like cooked onions, but the rest of us love them. And he adores that neon glow mac and cheese (ick). So I'll pair those two sides, so whoever likes the onions can have some, whoever likes the mac and cheese can have some, and you can still skip without it being an issue. But it's all still the same MEAL, if that makes sense. You can skip a part or all of it, I don't mind, but that's what's for dinner.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

We eat simple stuff at breakfast (cereal, toast, eggs), and usually, it's some variation of the same meal. I might eat eggs and toast, the baby eats eggs, and the toddler eats peanut butter and toast (he doesn't eat eggs).

Lunch is usually kiddie food. Peanut butter sandwiches, mac and cheese, pimento cheese or grilled cheese sandwiches or quesadillas or ramen. Frozen veggies right out of the freezer, sliced cucumbers, that sort of thing. Easy on me, and they like it.

For dinner, I make one meal. My toddler is crazy picky (in my opinion), so I usually serve him all the parts of the meal separately (like stir fry becomes a pile of rice, a few pieces of raw vegetables, and a piece of tofu). I always serve a side dish that he likes, like apple slices, apple sauce, cucumbers, or yogurt. He often doesn't eat much at supper. He gets up, and he doesn't ask for anything else, so that is that. I figure he'll make up for it at the next meal.

My toddler survives on air pretty much. I have a few meals that he likes, and I try to cook one of those every 3 or 4 days. But, mama might go nutty if she lived on spaghetti, sloppy joes, pizza, tacos, and quesadillas every night. LOL

Edited to add: I really try not to worry about it too much. My brother and I are a year apart. Raised just alike. I eat everything. I don't like fennel or cold eggs, but I'll eat them if that's what I'm served. He is way, way picky, though it's gotten better because his wife is vegan, and he has to do all the cooking for himself. LOL. But, I'm just of the mindset that people's tastes are one of those things that they can only control so much.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I ate nothing but PB&J for like a couple of years straight. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My mom said she took me to the doctor, who said, "at least she's having protein." I was a very picky eater. However, I outgrew that on my own with no power struggles, and now eat a varied and healthy diet. I really think having power struggles over food is more likely to cause long-term dietary problems than letting a kid having PB&J or Mac & Cheese all the time.


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## ChampagneBlossom (Feb 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I honestly don't know a single person whose eating habits are the same as they were when they were children...not one.

Well, DH still loves the same crap food he had when he was a kid. Same brands, same boxes, same fast food restaurants. He loves it when I cook for him, but he will always gravitate back towards the boxed stuff when left to his own devices. Then again, his mom literally never cooked, their idea of a sit down dinner was getting Boston Market takeout for Christmas dinner. And I still have generally the same eating habits as well. My mom always cooked from scratch, and I normally do too. The exact flavors might be slightly different, but I didn't switch over to all processed food either. (Sometimes I will have some as a snack, but that's it.) The eating habits are almost identical. Eating habits often do truly stay with you, even if specific food preferences don't. (i.e. experimenting with different cuisines and such)


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChampagneBlossom* 
Well, DH still loves the same crap food he had when he was a kid. Same brands, same boxes, same fast food restaurants. He loves it when I cook for him, but he will always gravitate back towards the boxed stuff when left to his own devices. Then again, his mom literally never cooked, their idea of a sit down dinner was getting Boston Market takeout for Christmas dinner. And I still have generally the same eating habits as well. My mom always cooked from scratch, and I normally do too. The exact flavors might be slightly different, but I didn't switch over to all processed food either. (Sometimes I will have some as a snack, but that's it.) The eating habits are almost identical. Eating habits often do truly stay with you, even if specific food preferences don't. (i.e. experimenting with different cuisines and such)

I think that's more about exposure than what's really eaten. What is eaten in your house feels normal, even if you specifically don't eat it. My parents ate tons of asparagus growing up. I refused to touch it. But now I eat tons of asparagus too and it feels like a normal food as I saw it in my house so much growing up. My husband's family didn't eat asparagus and he thinks it's weird. I don't think you have to force your kids to eat anything for them to benefit from you serving healthy foods in the long run, even if they won't eat them as children.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChampagneBlossom* 
Eating habits often do truly stay with you, even if specific food preferences don't. (i.e. experimenting with different cuisines and such)

This is true in my case, too. I always thought that I didn't like chicken. So, my mom only served me half a piece, which I ate, even though I didn't like it (it was what was for supper, you know?) And, this wasn't forced by my parents. My brother was sitting at the table eating canned ravioli or whatever else sounded good that day.

Once I started cooking for myself, turns out that I only dislike over-cooked chicken. I kind of like it when it's not dry. So, I still eat it, but I enjoy it more now.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
We are lucky to have adequate food, enormous variety, and the means by which to prepare it.

Well, exactly and some kids are smart enough to take advantage of that.









My kid knows the cupboard and fridge are full of things she likes. Why should she have to eat something she doesn't want or like (or at least I'm sure that is what she would be thinking if I told her to suck it up and eat whatever I served whether she liked it or not)? I'm sure if it was a choice between manioc and manioc, things would be different.

Anyway, I let my daughter have whatever she wants for breakfast, lunch, and dinner even if that means making something different for her. She eats a healthy well rounded diet, although I am sure many here would label her "picky" since she doesn't eat a huge variety of foods. Doesn't bother me though. I was the same way as a kid but outgrew it.

We'll see how things go when I am doing this with two though. So far, my 8 month old doesn't complain...well, at least about the food he is served.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
You really let them go hungry because they don't like something you made? I just can't wrap my mind around that. Same as the whole "finish your plate" thing.

And just because I'll make something special doesn't mean my kids are picky. My kids, all of them, love all kinds of foods. But, say, I like onions. A LOT of onions. I can eat an onion sandwich. No one else likes onions but me and hubby. Well tonite I want French Onion Soup for dinner, so I will make it. To expect my kids to eat it would be sad. I will make them something else. Just because I make several meals doesn't mean any of them are less healthy than the original one.

Just a little insight into those of us that will feed our kids what they will eat instead of fighting with it.

No, going hungry would have been their choice. I gave reasonable options for breakfast and lunch and dinner always includes foods that they like and served in reasonable portions. Whether or not they ate the food was up to them. When they got old enough to serve themselves, the rules changed somewhat. They could take as little or as much as they wanted but had to eat what they took.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

I strongly believe that the eating habits you acquire as a child follow you for life, and so eating healthy, balanced and VARIED meals is important for me.
I really don't think that's true in most cases. I grew up eating out of boxes. If it was homemade, it was extremely heavy on potatoes. I ate very few vegetables and a whole lot of crap. Now I make virtually everything from scratch and my kids rarely have anything out of a box. Obviously, I want to start them out the right way, so good food is very important to us. But I know more people who's eating habits have changed drastically, than those who still eat exactly as they did as children.


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## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

My DD is only 17 mo, but our family rule is that there is always yogurt (plain), cheese, brown rice, and fruit if you don't don't like what is served.


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## crl (May 9, 2004)

Well, DS gets his own cereal for breakfast. If he wants toast or oatmeal, I'll usually fix it for him (not if I'm sick or rushed). I get my own cereal and DH doesn't usually eat breakfast.

I fix DS' lunch for school and I only send stuff he likes. Sometimes he gets to choose or I accommodate requests. Sometimes I don't have the ingredients for what he wants or I need to use up something (he likes) before it goes bad and I don't let him choose.

Dinner is pretty much set. I fix one dinner for everyone. I generally make things DS likes, which doesn't stop him from complaining. He will complain one night that it's not chicken and then when I fix chicken the next night he complains that it is chicken. Too bad. I'm trying to go with the idea that it is my job to provide healthy food, it is his job to eat it and I can't help it if he doesn't do his job. I've tried offering one other option that I don't have to fix, for example, yogurt. He'll get the yogurt, open it and then complain about it and not eat it either. So I'm down to fixing one meal and DS can eat it or go hungry. And dinner sits out until bedtime so he can come back and eat anytime he wants.

I don't think picky eaters are necessary made, I think they are often born that way. But I think there's a balance to be struck in accommodating that while not reinforcing it and driving the cook insane in the process.

Catherine


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
ETA: As far as establishing healthy eating habits to follow them for the rest of their lives, the most important one for me is for them to listen to their bodies. Are they hungry? Are they thirsty? What sounds good to them? What doesn't smell/look/feel right at this time?

<snip>

Eating whatever is put in front of you is, imo, not a healthy eating habit.

I totally agree with this. I've definitely had times when things I normally like don't appeal to me, and, like you, I generally find that I'm coming down with something. The most extreme case I know of was the daughter of some family friends when I was growing up. They were always on her case about eating meat, because she wouldn't. Years later, it was determined that she has a medical condition, and doesn't produce some enzyme that most people produce, and is required for the digestion of meat. It didn't make her throw up or anything - just made her feel really cruddy, so nobody realized that her body really couldn't handle it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
We started something similar recently, and I love it! It was so stressful for me to have to decide what to have for dinner every night, especially on nights when I wasn't particularly in the mood for anything. I don't mind grocery shopping, and I love cooking, but I don't want to be in charge of meal planning!

So now DH, DS, and I each get to choose 2 dinners per week, and we eat out the 7th night. It's been awesome! DS has picked great, balanced meals all on his own, which pleasantly surprised me, and DH comes up with stuff I wouldn't have thought of. When DD gets old enough we'll include her in this too -- it's cute now to hear DS getting all excited when we're having one of "his" meals for dinner.









Yup. I get input from ds1, and have put in place a policy of always including at least one meal that I know dd enjoys. It helps...


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Honestly, picky as she is, most of what dd eats is really basic. She eats raw veggies, fruit, cheese (usually mozza - she doesn't like cheddar), nuts, yogurt, etc. She just doesn't seem to like most cooked meals all that much.

DS is the same way. Interesting. It always makes me feel bad that he's not getting a hot meal... but he doesn't want it!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
No, going hungry would have been their choice. I gave reasonable options for breakfast and lunch and dinner always includes foods that they like and served in reasonable portions. Whether or not they ate the food was up to them.

I've never had one of my kids - not even dd - refuse to eat if they were hungry and there was food they liked on the table. However, I also don't think that everyone in the family should be limited to only the things that _everyone_ likes. There are five of us, and we all have different tastes. If I tried to make sure I included foods that everyone liked, meal planning would be almost impossible, and we'd _all_ be bored senseless by the menu in a week.


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## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

I think being able to somehow incorporate a variety of foods that touch on each persons tastes at some point in the week is really key. It's so difficult to plan meals sometimes with this in mind but it really is so much easier on me in the long run.

I love when the mentality "picky kids are caused by parents who serve garbage" is blown apart. While I DO believe that this is very true in some cases... it's not always the case. We NEVER ever eat fast food - no exceptions and I don't ever cook from a box. Although I do serve the occasional Annies mac and cheese with veggie nuggets as a "fun" meal. That happens about once or twice a month, if that. That said, my two that would be considered picky just haven't developed their little taste buds to enjoy more complex foods yet. They like simple flavors and that's fine with me. All the pickiness kills me considering the wide variety of foods they were fed from birth. As babies they ate anything I fed them. The change happens almost without even noticing







:

My 10 yo is proof positive that our "one bite rule" is working for us. Suddenly this year he has REALLY expanded his horizons and has started eating things that are not new to him but that he REFUSED to touch in the past all on his own!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I think that's more about exposure than what's really eaten. What is eaten in your house feels normal, even if you specifically don't eat it. My parents ate tons of asparagus growing up. I refused to touch it. But now I eat tons of asparagus too and it feels like a normal food as I saw it in my house so much growing up. My husband's family didn't eat asparagus and he thinks it's weird. I don't think you have to force your kids to eat anything for them to benefit from you serving healthy foods in the long run, even if they won't eat them as children.









Love this

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crl* 
I don't think picky eaters are necessary made, I think they are often born that way. But I think there's a balance to be struck in accommodating that while not reinforcing it and driving the cook insane in the process.

Catherine









Love this too!!!

Great thread BTW...


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I've never had one of my kids - not even dd - refuse to eat if they were hungry and there was food they liked on the table. However, I also don't think that everyone in the family should be limited to only the things that _everyone_ likes. There are five of us, and we all have different tastes. If I tried to make sure I included foods that everyone liked, meal planning would be almost impossible, and we'd _all_ be bored senseless by the menu in a week.


I think that there's a wide spectrum, however, between foods one likes/loves and foods one hates. And a lot of kids have learned to say they "hate" a particular food when what they really mean is it's not their fondest or they dont "feel like it". I'm not talking true aversions or allergies. I'm talking simply disliking.

I didn't like london broil as a kid (still don't now). My father and sister loved it. However, I didn't dislike it to the point where I couldn't eat it. Was I less than thrilled when it appeared on the menu? Yep. But, I ate my (curiously







) small portion (with ketchup, please, or mixed into the potatoes) and then went back for seconds on the mashed potatoes and peas (which I loved, and was invariably served with them). I didn't die. I wasn't even mildly uncomfortable. Somehow, meatloaf (which I love) always appeared with french-style green beans (blech!). Broccoli (which my Dad has a true aversion to - even just the smell will make him sick) was served when he was working late/out of town. So, I understand taking your family's tastes into *consideration*.

However, I just can't fathom the waste if I planned out a week's worth of menus with mostly fresh, whole foods that no one had a true aversion/allery to and half the family randomly decided they didn't "feel like" what I was cooking and elected to eat pb&j every night for dinner. THAT is my point.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChampagneBlossom* 
Well, DH still loves the same crap food he had when he was a kid. Same brands, same boxes, same fast food restaurants. He loves it when I cook for him, but he will always gravitate back towards the boxed stuff when left to his own devices. Then again, his mom literally never cooked, their idea of a sit down dinner was getting Boston Market takeout for Christmas dinner... Eating habits often do truly stay with you, even if specific food preferences don't. (i.e. experimenting with different cuisines and such)

That. Exactly.

My dh was raised on frozen dinners and beef, yellow cheese, and pop. There were no food rules. His family hates veggies and fruit for the most part. He became diabetic at age 16. He still has trouble with making good food choices. For him growing up, fruit was a rare banana or a fruit roll up. His mom now has high blood pressure and the women in his family all struggle with weight issues.

I was the cook in my family growing up. We lived off of frozen pizzas, mac & cheese, and koolaid. Sometimes we would have money for veggies and fruit and they were given to us. Not asked about, just given. Until my 2nd brother came along. He was spoiled and lived off of only hot dogs, chicken nuggets, or mac & cheese for at least 15 years of his life. He's already had colon surgery for polyps and is starting to finally expand his choices. We had to be short order cooks to keep him fed. Of course, it was more complicated than what I write here, but I don't want a novel.

So I do not short order cook at all. I plan out foods with my kids' help that they like most of the time but we do try new things a lot. They help cook and prepare meals, help shop so they can pick whatever they want that doesn't have additives (my kids have sensory issues so it's a medical and health thing at the least). If they don't like what I make, then they can find themselves something else. I don't starve them, but I am not about to make a different meal for everyone at the table. I do take some things into consideration-like vegetarian options and food allergies and preferances, though. So I'm not cruel about it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
However, I just can't fathom the waste if I planned out a week's worth of menus with mostly fresh, whole foods that no one had a true aversion/allery to and half the family randomly decided they didn't "feel like" what I was cooking and elected to eat pb&j every night for dinner. THAT is my point.

I get that. It would drive me crazy, too. However, that's not what I've experienced at all. If one of my kids doesn't eat something that they normally eat, it's a pretty safe bet that they're coming down with something. I don't believe I've _ever_ had one of them turn something down, just because they "didn't feel like" eating it, except in a couple of cases where I already strongly suspected that particular child was getting sick. There are just a lot of things that dd doesn't like, and the few things others in the family dislike don't tend to be the same ones (except that one of the few things that ds1 dislikes is tomato sauce, and so does dd).

If dd decides she doesn't feel like having salmon (which we only eat on the very rare occasions when dh isn't home for supper), then she's welcome to come back to her plate if she gets hungry, but she's not getting another option. Refusing to eat something you're not in the mood for, and refusing to eat something you don't like, aren't the same thing, imo.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
I'm not talking true aversions or allergies. I'm talking simply disliking.

I meant to address this separately. I don't feel that I'm qualified to determine if something dd dislikes is "simple" dislike or a true aversion. There are lots of things she truly dislikes, on a very consistent basis. I really don't see what purpose it would serve to make her eat them.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChampagneBlossom* 
Well, DH still loves the same crap food he had when he was a kid. Same brands, same boxes, same fast food restaurants. He loves it when I cook for him, but he will always gravitate back towards the boxed stuff when left to his own devices.

I gravitated to the boxed stuff when I was WOH. It had nothing to do with what I grew up with (NOT boxed stuff). It had to do with not having time to cook, and not particularly enjoying it, either. I don't like to cook. I don't hate it, but I don't like it. I'm always stunned that there are actually people who _enjoy_ spending time preparing meals. I can't wrap my brain around it...but my mom was/is one of them. I grew up with that. I just can't relate to it. Cooking is a bit of a PITA, and far too time consuming. Boxed stuff...isn't.

Quote:

And I still have generally the same eating habits as well. My mom always cooked from scratch, and I normally do too.
See, I don't see that as "eating habits", exactly. My mom cooked from scratch, and I loved eating _her_ scratch cooking. But, enjoying the fruits of someone's labours in the kitchen, and enjoying labouring in the kitchen, are two different things. For that matter, experimentation with different cuisines is also a change in eating habits (oddly enough, it's one that both my mom and I made, later in life - just in different directions).

Your dh loves your cooking, as well, even though he didn't grow up with _any_ scratch cooking, from the sounds of it. (I can't even imagine getting Boston Market for Christmas dinner!) It sounds like his eating habits have changed a lot...but his food preparation habits haven't.


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## jennydecki (Jun 8, 2009)

We came up with a compromise. You eat what we serve OR you can have a PB&J but those are the ONLY options. No option C of getting something entirely different. I have occasionally bent the rules for REALLY easy foods like yogurt with granola or cottage cheese and an apple.

It's a matter of time and energy. I'm not making an entirely new meal, but I'm willing to spend two minutes and throw together a sandwich if she really doesn't like something.

It's worked so far. My fingers are crossed that it will continue long enough that I can say, "If you don't like it, make something for yourself."

That's my fantasy and I'm sticking to it! LOL


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I get that. It would drive me crazy, too. However, that's not what I've experienced at all. If one of my kids doesn't eat something that they normally eat, it's a pretty safe bet that they're coming down with something. I don't believe I've _ever_ had one of them turn something down, just because they "didn't feel like" eating it, except in a couple of cases where I already strongly suspected that particular child was getting sick. There are just a lot of things that dd doesn't like, and the few things others in the family dislike don't tend to be the same ones (except that one of the few things that ds1 dislikes is tomato sauce, and so does dd).

If dd decides she doesn't feel like having salmon (which we only eat on the very rare occasions when dh isn't home for supper), then she's welcome to come back to her plate if she gets hungry, but she's not getting another option. Refusing to eat something you're not in the mood for, and refusing to eat something you don't like, aren't the same thing, imo.

Ahhh. I misinterpreted something you'd said upthread.


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

If I stuck with only cooking things all 3 of us liked we'd only ever eat pasta, pizza and baked chicken. So yeah, I cook seperate meals - usually we all share sides but I am frequently cooking 2-3 different main dishes and it is fine with me. I am the only one who likes chili and meatloaf so when I cook it I freeze it in single serving portions so that when I make a main dish that DD and DH like I just defrost some chili or meatloaf for me, not really a big deal at all. I guess our whole family is picky eaters but I still think we eat pretty healthy (DH could do better). DH only likes iceberg lettuce so if I want him to eat salad that is what I have to buy. I like it ok but I would rather have more nutritious greens so I buy those for myself, DD doesn't eat lettuce at all she has baby carrots with dressing for her salad. I don't eat pork or seafood except fish sticks. DH likes salmon so I cook that for him, DD is somewhere in the middle she will sometimes eat salmon, sometimes fishsticks. DD and I like baked, mashed, and roasted potatoes. DH only likes roasted potatoes which are fine, but not what I want every time. So he gets something else that night.

I want to make food that my family is going to eat. I hate it when DH doesn't like what I made (if it is something new) and eats a bowl of cereal for dinner. And I want DD to eat dinner so she will sleep at night, I don't want my 3 yo waking up hungry in the middle of the night. So if she doesn't like what we are having or refuses it for some reason she is allowed other simple options - aka other leftovers, yogurt, a sandwich, pb and apple, etc.


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## crl (May 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I get that. It would drive me crazy, too. However, that's not what I've experienced at all. If one of my kids doesn't eat something that they normally eat, it's a pretty safe bet that they're coming down with something. I don't believe I've _ever_ had one of them turn something down, just because they "didn't feel like" eating it, except in a couple of cases where I already strongly suspected that particular child was getting sick. There are just a lot of things that dd doesn't like, and the few things others in the family dislike don't tend to be the same ones (except that one of the few things that ds1 dislikes is tomato sauce, and so does dd).

If dd decides she doesn't feel like having salmon (which we only eat on the very rare occasions when dh isn't home for supper), then she's welcome to come back to her plate if she gets hungry, but she's not getting another option. Refusing to eat something you're not in the mood for, and refusing to eat something you don't like, aren't the same thing, imo.

I understand that your kids don't do that. Mine seriously does. Perhaps because DH does this ALL THE TIME. I can fix something he has specifically complimented in the past and he will just not feel like having it. And he'll go get take-out somewhere. And perhaps because DS is a bit of a control freak (he's got anxiety and trying to control things is one way it manifests). Whatever the reasons, DS absolutely will complain about something that he generally likes. And sometimes after he complains he eats a ton of it and sometimes he doesn't eat any of it. I started off being a lot more lax about being a "short-order cook" but my sanity is valuable. And it wasn't getting any more food in DS anyway.

Maybe what I'm trying to say is that every kid is different, and I don't think there is a one-size fits all answer on these issues.

Catherine


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## jlobe (May 1, 2009)

My food taste has changed over time. I like to give my kids the "opportunity" for theirs to change as well. We have eaten certain things over the years and some things my kids have started to like after awhile... or things that they liked, they no longer do. My son is 3. Has always disliked carrots.... they are a staple for us and I always put them on his plate when we're out of other vegetables... I don't make him eat them but always offer them. Surprise surprise about two months ago he started to like carrots.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I think that it's a lot esier for me to offer only one or two options besides supper, because dh and I will eat almost anything. He doesn't like chicken livers unless they are fried. And, if he's eating a sandwich, he'll ask you to leave off the mayo. Otherwise, he'll eat anything. I don't like fennel.

So, we are very easy. I can't imagine serving chili to one person, meatloaf to another, and spaghetti to a third. For one thing, dh and I would feel like we'd missed out on the other meals.









So, that's why we're a "eat the side dishes; there is something you like on the table" sort of family.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crl* 
I understand that your kids don't do that. Mine seriously does. Perhaps because DH does this ALL THE TIME. I can fix something he has specifically complimented in the past and he will just not feel like having it. And he'll go get take-out somewhere.

Your dh? Really? OMG...I can't even imagine dealing with that. I think we'd switch to what my MIL calls "grunt and grab" pretty quickly if dh were doing that. I'm not going to spend the time and effort to make healthy meals from scratch, just to have dh blow money on take-out. Ack. I can feel myself getting stressed just thinking about it! That just seems so expensive, inconsiderate and like such a bad example.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. Cooking dinner every night (and lunch and breakfast--DP is a meat eater and a box food cook, so if I want healthy food for the family, I have to cook it) is enough of a challenge without creating a separate meal for every family member.

That said, my DD eats all kind of crazy stuff that her friends despise (her favorite food is artichoke! and her friends say ewwww!). She loves beans, whole grains, and vegetables, cause that's what I cook! I encourage her to at least taste everything that is served. Dinner is dinner, and if she doesn't want to eat it, then she doesn't have to. I do not cook her something separate or let her have a muffin or whatev instead. However, she always gets a pretty hefty bed-time snack that can fill in on the nutrition if she passes on something at dinner.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

I should mention that DP will eat absolutely anything I cook and is super laidback about my vegetarian kitchen stance. He chooses pretty unhealthy foods when we go out tho (italian BMT anyone?














.

The only time I make DD something separate is if I have accidentally overseasoned the curry or salsa or whatev and it is physically too hot for her to eat. Then she can have yogurt or hot cereal (her food of choice for life so far) and whatever other sides we have. Otherwise, if you don't like it, skip it and wait for the next opportunity.

She's a great eater, tho, we really never have much of a problem with her turning her nose up at food. Unless it's ham or pepperoni, haha! And she doesn't really like veg syntho-meat substitute, but DP does. So veg burgers are a toss-up depending on her mood and appetite.

I really think part of why she's so open to different foods is because I've never indulged her on the short-order cook thing. <shrug>


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## crl (May 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Your dh? Really? OMG...I can't even imagine dealing with that. I think we'd switch to what my MIL calls "grunt and grab" pretty quickly if dh were doing that. I'm not going to spend the time and effort to make healthy meals from scratch, just to have dh blow money on take-out. Ack. I can feel myself getting stressed just thinking about it! That just seems so expensive, inconsiderate and like such a bad example.

It's a mystery to me, because DH is a really great guy in most ways and generally easy to get along with, etc. (I could make some guesses based on his childhood, but really, who knows?) At any rate, he's usually not home for dinner during the week and he knows that I'm not going to cook for him (if there are left-overs he can have them). On weekends, I have one meal planned per meal time--maybe one alternative. If DH doesn't want that, he can take us all out to eat. I guess this is pretty far from the OP, though.

Catherine


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

I make what I make. They eat what they choose.

The only time a purposely make a seperate batch of whatever is when DH and mine's are heavily spice (we like it hot!). I make a mild version for the kiddo's.


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

When my DH was four, his parents served fish for dinner and he refused to eat it. They put it back in the fridge, gave it to him the next day, and told him he would eat the fish or eat nothing. He ate nothing for three days, they caved, he was never "forced" to eat fish (or anything else) again.

He doesn't eat fish to this day.









I think if a child says they don't like something, that is good enough. Who knows why they don't like it? Maybe it makes them feel weird and actually is an allergy and they can't articulate it.

Our DS is 2.5 and despite breastfeeding, despite being offered a wide variety of foods from an early age, and despite seeing his parents eat and enjoy different foods all the time, is a picky eater. What's frustrating right now is when he says, "I don't LIKE ham" (or whatever) without actually ever trying it. OR when he just ate it two days ago and loved it. But what am I going to do? I will not force it down his throat and I will not let him starve.

We just continue to offer food and if he refuses everything, he'll still almost always eat yogurt, fruit, milk and green juice. Sometimes he surprises us and tries something new, which is why we always offer him even the things he's claimed not to like in the past.

I have had some success with putting the same food we're eating in colorful silicone cupcake holders in a tray, and as he gets older we'll start putting all the food on the table buffet-style and let him choose how much of which thing he wants. He's all about control so I think he'll respond to that.









In the meantime, he may not have a huge variety of food that he eats, but he does eat at least one thing from each food group, and it's all healthy with VERY few exceptions. He eats next to no processed sugar (or really processed food of any kind), so I think he's okay for now and I don't mind doing a little extra to provide him something to eat that he likes.

Also, for some unknown reason, he always does much better in restaurants. He'll try stuff there he won't touch at home. Same with daycare... he's in a family daycare and she cooks for the kids every day; he eats everything, probably because all the other kids do, too. That is sort of frustrating but at least I know he IS actually getting a hot meal SOMEWHERE, even if he refuses to eat it at home.


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## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

I'm sure someone else has said this but I plan to stick to my MIL's rule with her kids: eat what's put in front of you or go make yourself (or I'll make you if the kid is too small) a peanut butter sandwich.


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

I'm a short-order cook for the most part. I idealize "you get what you get ..." but can't bring myself to do it as I am very fussy about food myself. I do sometimes insist that we have a few foods that are "always yes" or that one child compromise and either eat what I'm eating or eat what the other child is eating.

It makes me crazy. But I grew up being forced to eat food that disgusted me in amounts determined by someone else and I just can't do it that way.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Breakfast is whatever I make, or you can have toast with butter. I make either oatmeal, eggs (cooked to order







), or waffles (rarely).

Lunch is decided on together beforehand and since we are just two eaters, that means she chooses (within reason!). She cannot have the same thing for breakfast and lunch, though, because that would be oatmeal twice a day every time we have it.

Dinner is what I make, or bread and butter, with a fruit for dessert.

I cannot see changing that significantly unless we end up with a lot more kids, so I could not feasibly be flexible at lunch.

I don't see how a child's turning down some food could result in that much waste- my toddler regularly changes her mind, and we just save it with the other leftovers.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I ate nothing but PB&J for like a couple of years straight. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My mom said she took me to the doctor, who said, "at least she's having protein." I was a very picky eater. However, I outgrew that on my own with no power struggles, and now eat a varied and healthy diet. I really think having power struggles over food is more likely to cause long-term dietary problems than letting a kid having PB&J or Mac & Cheese all the time.

Having been through severe eating issues and been to 5 nutritionists and 4 feeding therapists, we learned that both fighting over food AND letting kids eat what they want every night puts too much emphasis on food. The healthiest way to feed a kid according to every single one of these people is to make one thing, offer if, if they don't want it, that's fine, you do not make it a battle, there is no fight, they just either eat or they don't.

Also having a kid with severe issues, I can tell you that this works. Seriously, he went from needing a feeding tube cause he was literally starving himself (and this was when I was making him whatever he wanted) to now eating at least 2 meals and snacks per day...


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cinder* 
Having been through severe eating issues and been to 5 nutritionists and 4 feeding therapists, we learned that both fighting over food AND letting kids eat what they want every night puts too much emphasis on food. The healthiest way to feed a kid according to every single one of these people is to make one thing, offer if, if they don't want it, that's fine, you do not make it a battle, there is no fight, they just either eat or they don't.

Also having a kid with severe issues, I can tell you that this works. Seriously, he went from needing a feeding tube cause he was literally starving himself (and this was when I was making him whatever he wanted) to now eating at least 2 meals and snacks per day...

That's interesting. The doctors in the _You on a Diet_ book suggest eating one _healthy_ thing for breakfast most of the time, pick something and stick with it. And same with lunches. Have oatmeal for breakfast most of the time and that's one less food issue to dwell on, you won't be worrying about what you should be eating at all, you won't have to choose between doughnuts and oatmeal. Have a turkey sandwich and a salad for lunch every week day and you won't be focused on what to eat. You won't be tempted to eat something more unhealthy, because you've already made the decision. Turkey sandwiches, that's just what you eat.

A lot of people thrive on the same fish and veggies over rice for dinner most every night.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
That's interesting. The doctors in the _You on a Diet_ book suggest eating one _healthy_ thing for breakfast most of the time, pick something and stick with it. And same with lunches. Have oatmeal for breakfast most of the time and that's one less food issue to dwell on, you won't be worrying about what you should be eating at all, you won't have to choose between doughnuts and oatmeal. Have a turkey sandwich and a salad for lunch every week day and you won't be focused on what to eat. You won't be tempted to eat something more unhealthy, because you've already made the decision. Turkey sandwiches, that's just what you eat.

A lot of people thrive on the same fish and veggies over rice for dinner most every night.

Oh good. So my idea that variety is overrated is now doctor approved.







:


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

We have a rhythm for breakfast: mon - bagels, tues - eggs, wed- oatmeal, thurs- cereal, fri - fruit and toast, sat- pancakes, sun - muffins. Everyone in our family likes all of these things.

Lunch is pretty loose. Sometimes we'll do soup, or sandwiches, salads, fruit, pasta etc. Sometimes we go out for lunch.

We have a looser rhythm for dinner: m -soup/stew/chili, t- pasta, w-casserole, th-ethnic dish (mexican, asian, mediterranian), F- rice/couscous/risotto etc, Sat is light, and Sun is whatever we feel like.

For dinner we've always just made one thing and DS1 has never had an issue with it. Hopefully DS2 will also be a laid back and adventurous eater.

You get what you get and no one has yet threatened a fit.


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

crl;13921627Perhaps because DH does this ALL THE TIME. I can fix something he has specifically complimented in the past and he will just not feel like having it. And he'll go get take-out somewhere. [/QUOTE said:


> Am I the only one who thinks that is rude?
> 
> My DH would never cook for me again if I behaved like that on a regular basis and I wouldn't blame him.


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

I dunno, I still don't get it, why it is such a big deal to make people what they like or how it is wasteful. DD doesn't really eat beef, but DH and I do. We all like chicken. So I'll make a chicken on say Monday, we'll all eat Monday and Tuesday night, then on Wednesday I'll make beef roast for DH and I and DD will have more leftover chicken (she is the only one who eats dark meat so it takes her a while to finish it all), generally we'll all share the same sides (aka DD and I will eat veggies and a grain/starch, DH will just eat grain/starch he doesn't eat any cooked veggies). Thursday DD will still be eating chicken, I'll cook a piece of salmon for DH (defrost in fridge and bake for 20 mins) and I'll eat a bowl of chili (take out of freezer and microwave for 3 mins) and we'll all eat a mish-modge of whatever sides are leftover from the beginning of the week we usually end up with a little bit of everything leftover so enough rice for one person, enough broccoli for another, enough cous cous for another. Then Friday when all of the leftovers are gone I'll make pasta for all of us, we'll all eat it for a couple of days and then usually DD will have it for an extra day or two while I make something she doesn't like for DH and I. I feel like if I didn't cook this way it would be _more_ wasteful for our family because no one would finish all of the little bits of leftover food, I'd be throwing away half a chicken if DD didn't eat it for 3 or 4 days, etc.
Today I heard another mom talk about how her DD didn't want to eat her bean soup so she served it to her the next day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The kid still didn't eat it so she gave her a glass of milk, sent her to bed and grounded her for a week. She withheld food from her DD for 24 hours all because she wouldn't "eat what was served". She said the kid wouldn't even try a bite and that is why she grounded her. I was horrified. I wanted to say I don't like bean soup either and I probably wouldn't have eaten it either. I have many memories of sitting at the kitchen table for hours pushing cold peas around on my plate. I'd much rather just serve my family food that they like to eat. Everyone likes healthy food, but everyone just likes different healthy foods. No one here is living on chicken nuggets and mac and cheese.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Jillian, that sounds like you went through a really frustrating, alarming time with your son!







He's got a great mom!


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Neither am I. If any of my kids behaved that way, they could live without supper. (DD has come close a few times.) However, there's a _lot_ of territory between what you describe and "eat it whether you like it or not".

The thing with my menu there is always SOMETHING that each person will like. I always do two types of veggies (one hot, one cold), sometimes two types of side dishes depending on what it is. However, I don't do two types of meat so if its something that you don't like you don't have to eat it but Im NOT making another meat just for you. For example, Im not a fish eater but my husband ADORES fish. He could live off of it if I allowed him to. So, once every couple of weeks I make a fish dish. I either eat the fish even though I don't terrible like it or I just eat the sides and veggies. DD isn't big on spicy food so when I make spicy chicken or chili she will either eat just the side dish or she eat some of the spicy dish even though its not her favorite thing to eat.
If its something I know will make them ill (for example, Im allergic to sour cream, if I eat it I can't swallow for hours afterward and it can cause a asthma attack) I don't include it in the meal and anyone who wants it can add it themselves (my husband likes sour cream on some dishes so he buys it himself and adds it to the meal himself so I don't even have to handle it). The same thing with pecans and my daughter, she gets a really severe rash when she eats pecans so I don't include them in the main dish. If the main dish had pecans in it and I forgot to leave them our OF COURSE I make her something else. Im not going to make anyone sick just because Im don't want to make a different meal for them. If its just an aversion (like me with fish or DH with peas) we pick around what we don't like.
Ive never had a meal where there wasn't something that each person will eat.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OkiMom* 
The thing with my menu there is always SOMETHING that each person will like. I always do two types of veggies (one hot, one cold), sometimes two types of side dishes depending on what it is.

Sides...dd likes pasta. She doesn't like potatoes (except french fries) or brown or white rice (except 1 or 2 pilaf dishes). She likes cooked asparagus, peas and brussel sprouts. DS1 hates peas, and I'm the only other person who will eat asparagus or brussel sprouts (they're also both really expensive). We don't generally eat any other cooked veggies. I make them once in a blue moon, but I'm usually the only one who likes them, and I can't be bothered with maybe forgetting them and having them go rotten in the fridge and washing an extra pan every night, just so I can have a hot veggie. I like raw ones a lot, too.

DD likes celery sticks, carrot sticks, cucumber and broccoli. DH doesn't like cucumber (won't eat it). I'm the only other one who likes broccoli. DS2 loves sugar snap peas, but dd won't touch them. Everyone likes grape tomatoes (expensive).

Sure, I could put out a raw veggie plate, with 4-5 different veggies on it, every night. Then, I could finish them off after dinner, or put them in the compost. We eat a salad (spring mix) almost every night...but dd doesn't like it, either.

I could put out something to suit each person's tastes, including dd, every night. But, it would mean rotating about 3-4 main dishes, 1-2 sides and hardly any variety in veggies at all. That means penalizing all the rest of the family, just to make sure there's _something_ that dd will eat. And, honestly, if all she's going to eat is noodles and a couple of pieces of cucumber, then I don't really see any point in making her eat with the rest of us. She's better off to help herself to an apple or some cheese after dinner.

I like meal planning, because we get to experiment with different dishes, and try new things, and eat a variety of foods. Since it's all planned ahead of time, I _know_ I have what I need in the house (no starting butter chicken and realizing I have no ginger). If I accommodated dd in every meal, then those advantages would be lost. We'd be eating a _very_ repetitious menu...and dd would probably be living on simple starches.

Honestly, the way you do things sounds great, but it also sounds like a major PITA around here...and would be far, far, far more work for me than simply making dd something else after dinner.


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## Super Pickle (Apr 29, 2002)

I lean more towards "You get what you get...", but no one is ever forced to eat anything. It's completely okay if you don't like something on the table; just pass on it and help yourself to more of the dishes that you do like.

I _have_ taught my children that the only acceptable thing to say when a person has gone to the trouble to prepare food for you is "Thank you" or "No, thank you" (if it's something you truly can't stand).

I really don't like it when kids have been catered to all their lives to the point that they will only eat certain things. The way my kids' friends act when they eat at our house---I would be appalled if my children acted that way at other people's homes (they don't). My older son, 8, had a friend over a few months ago and I tried to think of a meal that would be kid-friendly. I thought of macaroni and cheese. So I made mac and cheese from scratch
and put some broccoli and cauliflower and honeydew on the table. The boy said "This doesn't look like macaroni and cheese" and hemmed and hawed until he finally got up the courage to try it, then declared, "Nope! This doesn't taste anything like macaroni and cheese!" He also claimed he had never heard of cauliflower or honeydew, and didn't like broccoli. In the end I washed some grapes for him, so he had something to eat. Then, just the other day, DS had another friend sleep over and I figured ordering pizza would be foolproof. Apparently not--this friend liked plain cheese pizza and although we got two different kinds of pies, both had toppings, so he wouldn't eat it.

I really can't understand how a child (who doesn't have sensory issues) can get to be this way unless he has always been fixed a separate plate of "kid food" or his mother always asks him what he wants to eat unstead of just calling him to the table when dinner is served.

It's fortunate for me that all 3 of my children have enjoyed eating all kinds of food, because I think I would not have the patience for picky eaters. I can't remember any of them, as babies, not eating what was put on their high chair tray.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
I really don't like it when kids have been catered to all their lives to the point that they will only eat certain things. The way my kids' friends act when they eat at our house---I would be appalled if my children acted that way at other people's homes (they don't). My older son, 8, had a friend over a few months ago and I tried to think of a meal that would be kid-friendly. I thought of macaroni and cheese. So I made mac and cheese from scratch
and put some broccoli and cauliflower and honeydew on the table. The boy said "This doesn't look like macaroni and cheese" and hemmed and hawed until he finally got up the courage to try it, then declared, "Nope! This doesn't taste anything like macaroni and cheese!" He also claimed he had never heard of cauliflower or honeydew, and didn't like broccoli. In the end I washed some grapes for him, so he had something to eat. Then, just the other day, DS had another friend sleep over and I figured ordering pizza would be foolproof. Apparently not--this friend liked plain cheese pizza and although we got two different kinds of pies, both had toppings, so he wouldn't eat it.

I really can't understand how a child (who doesn't have sensory issues) can get to be this way unless he has always been fixed a separate plate of "kid food" or his mother always asks him what he wants to eat unstead of just calling him to the table when dinner is served.

It's fortunate for me that all 3 of my children have enjoyed eating all kinds of food, because I think I would not have the patience for picky eaters. I can't remember any of them, as babies, not eating what was put on their high chair tray.

I would be MORTIFIED if I found out my kids did that! Thank goodness I can make them separate meals when they don't like what I bake but they still have manners at someone else's house!

I too am fortunate that my four kids enjoy all kinds of foods, and aren't picky. It's wonderful to know that I've lead them on a road to good nutrition, and I hope that they continue it for the rest of their lives.

That has nothing to do with making them some pasta if they don't want my meatloaf. Nothing at all.

What you're describing isn't because mom "catered" to them. It's because the child has no manners. My baking a chicken breast instead of serving my kid French Onion Soup does not make him rude or spoiled or picky. And it's easy for me to do for harmony, happiness, and fun at mealtime. I would make SIX meals if everyone's happy, and leaves the table full. I love it, I don't get angry about it, and it's fun to cook with the kids.


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## ProtoLawyer (Apr 16, 2007)

You get what you get. (And, since you're not here all the time, I won't be serving something I know you don't like; that can wait until you're at your mom's.)

If you don't want to go hungry and don't want to eat what's served, you know where the refrigerator and pantry are.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
Then, just the other day, DS had another friend sleep over and I figured ordering pizza would be foolproof. Apparently not--this friend liked plain cheese pizza and although we got two different kinds of pies, both had toppings, so he wouldn't eat it.

Only plain cheese pizza is foolproof. There are a few people who don't eat pizza at all, but there are millions who don't eat various of the strong flavor/texture toppings. I don't believe I've ever been served pizza where plain cheese was not one of the choices, and more of that provided than anything else.

DD would have picked the toppings off, provided they weren't meat, but we're all vegetarian/no pork, so if it was meat, that would eliminate probably our whole family eating it. Anytime we've done or been to parties with pizza, they do half or more of the pizzas as plain cheese, and then a few random topped ones, because even if you prefer pepperoni or whatever, you won't refuse to eat plain pizza generally. But many people, adults included, do not eat meat, or onions, or olives, or mushrooms, or anchovies.

Oh, and if my DH went to get takeout instead of eating what I made, I would never cook for him again. And he wouldn't be allowed to model that rude behavior for the kids; we'd eat before he got home!


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I've never had one of my kids - not even dd - refuse to eat if they were hungry and there was food they liked on the table. However, I also don't think that everyone in the family should be limited to only the things that _everyone_ likes. There are five of us, and we all have different tastes. If I tried to make sure I included foods that everyone liked, meal planning would be almost impossible, and we'd _all_ be bored senseless by the menu in a week.

I don't mean separate meals for everyone, just at least one dish that each one will like. One or more protein entree, 2-3 vegetable side dishes, one grain side dish. Fruit always for evening snack. There will be something on the table that each person will eat, even if it's only peas or bread.

For an enchillada meal for example, we will have chicken enchilladas made with flour tortilla (I don't like corn tortillas) and some made with corn tortillas (all without cheese). There will be vegetarian enchilladas with cheese and flour tortillas for Angela (if she's here visiting). Taco salad with the dressing and shredded cheese on the side (baby Parker doesn't process dairy so it's not in Joy's diet). Mexican rice. Both pinto refried beans and black refried beans. Sour cream salsa on the side. Something for everyone to made a complete meal from.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
I really don't like it when kids have been catered to all their lives to the point that they will only eat certain things. The way my kids' friends act when they eat at our house---I would be appalled if my children acted that way at other people's homes (they don't). My older son, 8, had a friend over a few months ago and I tried to think of a meal that would be kid-friendly. I thought of macaroni and cheese. So I made mac and cheese from scratch
and put some broccoli and cauliflower and honeydew on the table. The boy said "This doesn't look like macaroni and cheese" and hemmed and hawed until he finally got up the courage to try it, then declared, "Nope! This doesn't taste anything like macaroni and cheese!" He also claimed he had never heard of cauliflower or honeydew, and didn't like broccoli. In the end I washed some grapes for him, so he had something to eat. Then, just the other day, DS had another friend sleep over and I figured ordering pizza would be foolproof. Apparently not--this friend liked plain cheese pizza and although we got two different kinds of pies, both had toppings, so he wouldn't eat it.

I really can't understand how a child (who doesn't have sensory issues) can get to be this way unless he has always been fixed a separate plate of "kid food" or his mother always asks him what he wants to eat unstead of just calling him to the table when dinner is served.


While I certainly hope my kids would be more polite about it, you probably would have gotten a similar response from them. For pizza they like plain cheese, or mushrooms and/or black olives. They cannot stand pepperoni or sausage or onions or green peppers, etc. I have taught them to just say no thank you. I had friends order clam pizza one time and I refused to have some. If someone doesn't like something, why is that a big deal? They love broccoli, but don't like cauliflower. The don't like honeydew melon, but they love canteloupe and watermelon. Ds1 doesn't like fresh blueberries (only frozen), but loves strawberries and grapes.

And the mac and cheese? I don't consider mac and cheese, even homemade, to have any nutritional value, so I don't make it. When my kids have it I usually give them Annie's Mac and Cheese from the box. The few tiems I have made it myself they have both declined it because they just didn't like it.

I think there is a fine line between "catering to" a child and respecting their tastes. I "cater" to what dh and I like, why wouldn't I do the same for my kids?

ETA: I have a very good friend who has 3 kids. She most definitely does not "cater" to each child for meals. However, her first son is an incredibly picky eater, to the point where she has taken him to various doctors to try to get some help because there were so many times he just refused to eat anything. She has gotten to a good point where she has a limited number of foods he will eat, and she just always keeps those on hand. Neither of her other kids have this issue. When he came over to spend the night with us, she sent him with some food. When I asked her what he would like that I could make, she practically begged me not to even try.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
It's fortunate for me that all 3 of my children have enjoyed eating all kinds of food, because I think I would not have the patience for picky eaters. I can't remember any of them, as babies, not eating what was put on their high chair tray.

I only have 2, but am grateful for the same!

We serve the food; they eat what they want. We generally pay no attention to what they eat at all--just talk about other things. It works really well for my kids, but I know not all kids are as adventurous with food as mine are.

My dd did go thru a stage of dramatically refusing some foods as a toddler, I think, but I just made sure we had cheese cubes and fruit on the table at every meal as "part of the meal", and told her to eat what she liked. Usually, she was eating the refused foods by the second or third time they were served, if not by the end of the first meal.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
I don't consider mac and cheese, even homemade, to have any nutritional value.











Really?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Yeah that seems weird to me too. I think of the boxed stuff as filler material more than food (though we still have it occasionally here) but cheese has nutritional value, and so it seems something made with real cheese would have to as well.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

I guess we're in between sort of.

I am *not* cooking a different meal for each kid according to their whims of the day. They do get several choices for lunch, though. At supper, we usually have veggies, starch and meat or cheese, so they can pick and choose out of that, though I do ask them to take one bite of everything.

For us I guess it's more like "Eat what's on the table, or else you'll be waiting to eat until the next meal is served because you're not getting snacks in between if you're not eating "real" food".


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I take their preferences into consideration, because hey, that just makes sense. but otherwise it is is you get what you get. . .


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
Yeah that seems weird to me too. I think of the boxed stuff as filler material more than food (though we still have it occasionally here) but cheese has nutritional value, and so it seems something made with real cheese would have to as well.

I think pasta in general is pretty much filler material, so the nutritional difference between homemade and boxed mac and cheese is pretty minimal to me (not that we are above eating it on occasion here either







). Don't know if that is what *oceanbaby* was getting at though.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Yes but real cheese must have some nutritional value, and more than that powdered cheesish stuff.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Your dh? Really? OMG...I can't even imagine dealing with that. I think we'd switch to what my MIL calls "grunt and grab" pretty quickly if dh were doing that. I'm not going to spend the time and effort to make healthy meals from scratch, just to have dh blow money on take-out. Ack. I can feel myself getting stressed just thinking about it! *That just seems so expensive, inconsiderate and like such a bad example.*

That is because it IS inconsiderate and a bad example.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
Yes but real cheese must have some nutritional value, and more than that powdered cheesish stuff.

Hmm, you've got me thinking here. The way I make mac and cheese is to make a butter and flour sauce with milk, then add lots of cheese. It sure is yummy, a hundred times better than the blue box. Sometimes I use the super healthy pasta, mostly not.

I suspect that my mac and cheese has a lot more fat than the boxed stuff does. And it probably does NOT have any more calcium, as the boxed stuff is probably fortified with calcium.

BUT, my mac and cheese does not glow bright orange, unlike the stuff from the blue box. That has to count for something.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
BUT, my mac and cheese does not glow bright orange, unlike the stuff from the blue box. That has to count for something.









HA! That made me LOL!

That's the way I make mine. I use whole wheat pasta, that's my concession for all the flour and fat...


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## Super Pickle (Apr 29, 2002)

I aprpeciate the several responses regarding ordering cheese pizza. I had not thought of that. I've been vegetarian for 18 years, so we always get a vegetarian pizza as well as a meat-topped pizza, but I did not realize that lots of people hate toppings. Noted, thanks.

As for the mac and cheese..you're right, it's not healthy regardless if it's from a box or homemade.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
I don't mean separate meals for everyone, just at least one dish that each one will like. One or more protein entree, 2-3 vegetable side dishes, one grain side dish. Fruit always for evening snack. There will be something on the table that each person will eat, even if it's only peas or bread.

Yeah - I get that. I just don't see any real reason to have dd (she's usually the one with the issue) sit with us and eat bread...or noodles, or whatever...just to eat with us, when she'd be better off, health wise, to have a couple slices of cheese or some fruit or something after dinner.

Quote:

For an enchillada meal for example, we will have chicken enchilladas made with flour tortilla (I don't like corn tortillas) and some made with corn tortillas (all without cheese). There will be vegetarian enchilladas with cheese and flour tortillas for Angela (if she's here visiting). Taco salad with the dressing and shredded cheese on the side (baby Parker doesn't process dairy so it's not in Joy's diet). Mexican rice. Both pinto refried beans and black refried beans. Sour cream salsa on the side. Something for everyone to made a complete meal from.
I honestly don't see a big difference between providing all those things (flour tortillas and corn tortillas, and chicken enchiladas and vegetarian enchiladas), and providing separate meals for each person, yk?

Whatever works for people, but that wouldn't work really well for us, and woul dbe a huge PITA for me, as the cook.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
While I certainly hope my kids would be more polite about it, you probably would have gotten a similar response from them. For pizza they like plain cheese, or mushrooms and/or black olives. They cannot stand pepperoni or sausage or onions or green peppers, etc. I have taught them to just say no thank you.

I was the oddball kid who didn't like _any_ pizza. I wouldn't touch it until I was about 16. I'm glad I got over it, because it was actually a major social handicap...

Quote:

And the mac and cheese? I don't consider mac and cheese, even homemade, to have any nutritional value, so I don't make it. When my kids have it I usually give them Annie's Mac and Cheese from the box. The few tiems I have made it myself they have both declined it because they just didn't like it.
I love, love, love mac and cheese. I love homemade the best, but also have a weak spot for Kraft Dinner. That said, I can certainly understand why a kid who is used to KD might not like the homemade kind. They're not the same thing at all.

Quote:

I think there is a fine line between "catering to" a child and respecting their tastes. I "cater" to what dh and I like, why wouldn't I do the same for my kids?
Good point.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cappuccinosmom* 
For us I guess it's more like "Eat what's on the table, or else you'll be waiting to eat until the next meal is served because you're not getting snacks in between if you're not eating "real" food".

See, I don't think of it that way, because the snacks they have between meals are every bit as much real food as their meals. My kids, especially dd, are grazers. If they're grazing on nuts, fruit, yogurt (plain), raw veggies, etc., I can't really see that as a lack of real food, yk?


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
See, I don't think of it that way, because the snacks they have between meals are every bit as much real food as their meals. My kids, especially dd, are grazers. If they're grazing on nuts, fruit, yogurt (plain), raw veggies, etc., I can't really see that as a lack of real food, yk?

It's really better for younger children to graze all day, instead of eating big meals... I can't make the toddler eat a huge plate of food at dinner, because she had a smaller "meal" two hours before, or something like that...

Actually, we ALL should be eating small meals all day long!


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Super Pickle* 
As for the mac and cheese..you're right, it's not healthy regardless if it's from a box or homemade.

No "nutritional value" and "not healthy" are different. I could see saying that the nutrition of homemade mac n cheese doesn't outweigh unhealthy aspects....but it still has lots of protein and calcium, as well as other nutrients.

But I top _my_ homemade mac n cheese with stewed tomatoes, so that boosts the nutrition, too


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
It's really better for younger children to graze all day, instead of eating big meals... I can't make the toddler eat a huge plate of food at dinner, because she had a smaller "meal" two hours before, or something like that...

Actually, we ALL should be eating small meals all day long!









Yeah - I used to just keep a snack plate in the fridge for dd...but that was before ds2 learned to open the fridge. If I do a plate for each of them, ds2 will eat dd's stuff if he feels like it, and it's just not worth the fight. I'd like to start the plates again.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 









Really?

White flour pasta and cheese. I don't consider large doses of dairy to be at all healthy, and I certainly don't consider pasta healthy. So yes, I consider traditional mac and cheese to be a pretty junky meal.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
I think pasta in general is pretty much filler material, so the nutritional difference between homemade and boxed mac and cheese is pretty minimal to me (not that we are above eating it on occasion here either







). Don't know if that is what *oceanbaby* was getting at though.

Yes, that's pretty much what I was saying. (And the boxed mac and cheese my kids sometimes have doesn't glow orange either.)


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

We have to make at least 15 enchinladas anyway (there are 7 of us, 8 counting baby Parker), why not use both flour and corn tortillas? It's not any more extra work and only a matter of grabbing both kinds at the grocery store. And the chesse enchiladas would only be made if Angela was here. Since she doesn't live at home and only rarely makes the 180 mile round trip to come down, they usually won't be made. But if she did make the effort, I would make some for her. And instead of adding the dressing and cheese to the salad, it's on the side with the salsa and sour cream. There's no reason to make Parker (and the rest of us) suffer unnecessarily.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Certainly not if eaten every day, but as one dish among many, it's not any more unhealthy as the other dishes. And it is all in the recipe. Some recipes and ingredients are healthier choices than others.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
Certainly not if eaten every day, but as one dish among many, it's not any more unhealthy as the other dishes. And it is all in the recipe. Some recipes and ingredients are healthier choices than others.

I actually don't consider most pasta and cheese dishes to be healthy. Yes, you can absolutely amp up the nutritional value with veggies, etc., but when we talk about making kids mac and cheese for dinner, that's not what most people are talking about.

When I complain that my kids won't eat the healthy food I made for dinner, I'm talking about things like lentil soup, veggie stir fry, etc. Not noodles and cheese. I consider that the junky side dish that I know they will eat if all else fails.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
I actually don't consider most pasta and cheese dishes to be healthy. Yes, you can absolutely amp up the nutritional value with veggies, etc., but when we talk about making kids mac and cheese for dinner, that's not what most people are talking about.

When I complain that my kids won't eat the healthy food I made for dinner, I'm talking about things like lentil soup, veggie stir fry, etc. Not noodles and cheese. I consider that the junky side dish that I know they will eat if all else fails.

hmm...I hate veggies in mac and cheese, and probably wouldn't eat it that way, either. The veggies are good on their own, but most attempts to "improve" mac and cheese fail miserably, from a taste perspective (imo).

I'm the only one who enjoys a veggie stir fry, although dd and ds2 will both nibble on them. Nobody else in the family will even touch lentils, generally (maybe a few in a pilaf or something) and they're not one of my favourites, either.

I do have to say that, while I know it's not the greatest, I think people are being too hard on mac & cheese. Mind you, I have no problem with dairy, which would explain some of the discrepancy in viewpoints.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
hmm...I hate veggies in mac and cheese, and probably wouldn't eat it that way, either. The veggies are good on their own, but most attempts to "improve" mac and cheese fail miserably, from a taste perspective (imo). .

My mom made homemade mac-n-cheese (once a month or so, not daily or even weekly) topped with stewed tomatoes. That has always been the "right" way to eat MnC for me







With steamed veggies or a salad on the side, I see that as a perfectly healthy meal in a varied diet. And my kids LOVE it as much as I did as a kid.

Lentil soup and veggie stir fry are great, but I can't eat those _without_ at starch and a good amt of added fat, or I will just be hungry.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I can certainly understand why a kid who is used to KD might not like the homemade kind. They're not the same thing at all.

Exactly! It's like the difference between a Big Mac and a home-grilled cheese burger.

Some people can't tolerate the wheat in pasta. But as far as nutritional content is concerned, I think millions of Italians who eat pasta every day seem to have something right. My Italian grandma certainly did. She died two months before her 99th birthday.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
White flour pasta and cheese. I don't consider large doses of dairy to be at all healthy, and I certainly don't consider pasta healthy. So yes, I consider traditional mac and cheese to be a pretty junky meal.

Please. My homemade mac and cheese is not junky. It's luxurious and _indulgent._


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 
My mom made homemade mac-n-cheese (once a month or so, not daily or even weekly) topped with stewed tomatoes. That has always been the "right" way to eat MnC for me









I can see that. That particular recipe would have never happened in our house, as I wouldn't touch stewed tomatoes with a 10 foot pole, let alone with my tongue...and neither would my mom. I hated any kind of cooked tomatoes - soup, spaghetti, pizza sauce, etc. I learned to stomach pizza at about 16 (Hawaiian only - still my favourite, by far). I didn't graduate to spaghetti or tacoes until I was in my early 20s...and was almost 30 before I'd eat chili (maybe once or twice when I hadn't eaten all weekend or something like that). I still don't care for combos with cooked tomatoes and cheese.

Quote:

With steamed veggies or a salad on the side, I see that as a perfectly healthy meal in a varied diet. And my kids LOVE it as much as I did as a kid.
We don't do the tomatoes, but we always have veggies and/or a salad.

Quote:

Lentil soup and veggie stir fry are great, but I can't eat those _without_ at starch and a good amt of added fat, or I will just be hungry.
Yeah - I do a veggie stir fry, but I use more fat than I really need to for frying purposes alone...and usually have something along with with it...a cube of cheese, some yogurt, maybe a handful of nuts - leftover rice, if we happen to have any.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
Please. My homemade mac and cheese is not junky. It's luxurious and _indulgent._

...and expensive, if it's anything like mine.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
I take their preferences into consideration, because hey, that just makes sense. but otherwise it is is you get what you get. . .

This is us as well.

It's funny because I do actually say to my kids "I'm not a short order cook."

It also comes down to for me that though food should be enjoyed we have taken it waaaay too far in our society and are pretty spoiled when it comes to food. I don't want to raise picky eaters in this day and age, ykwim?

I was an insanely picky eater as a kid and only through my parent's attitude of "you get what you get" did I actually attempt to eat outside my comfort zone. There are still things I just do not like so I sympathize with my kids in that and do strive to make meals that we all can enjoy but you're not always going to win.


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## Onemagicmummy (Jul 27, 2007)

not read whole thread yet.

i am an only child of my dad, but my mum has 2 kids younger than me by a different dad, when i was living with my mum from age 10 we were a you eat what you get or go with out house. i think i remember only a very few times we ate something different to the others. if mum knew we did not like some thing, that was OK.

DH was raised the same way.

now we have kids we are the same. they all get the same meals 90% of the time, breakfast, lunch and dinner. breakfast is usualy cold cereal or toast, occasionaly poriddge, (breakfast is DH domain, i dont do making food that early in the morning, if ti wasnt for the fact DH was making it i probably wouldnt eat till 10:30ish)

lunch is usualy sandwitches, with fruit or maybe leftovers.

Dinner is the same, we all mainly eat the same,

sometimes we do ask the kids what they want to eat for dinner, and go with a majority vote.

if one of the kids seriously dislikes something (wheather a faze or a real dislike) then i dont make them eat it, DS1 went throught a few months of hating mashed potato, so he got boiled out the pan before they were mashed, or if i forgot and mashed them we would compromise, he would either ask for extra gravy, or have some bread instead. after a while he started liking mash again.

for us as a family its easier and simpler and cheaper to do it this way, we have loose meal plans and know how much of each thing we need, etc.

i also dont have a problem with the elder 2 making them selves a sandwitch after if they are still hungry (i think the 6yr old has hollow legs!)

Kiz


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I honestly don't see a big difference between providing all those things (flour tortillas and corn tortillas, and chicken enchiladas and vegetarian enchiladas), and providing separate meals for each person, yk?

I do see a huge difference! I refuse to make seperate meals for my kids, it's you get what you get or you don't eat in our house. But Travis is allergic to eggs and oats, and Kincaid is allergic to chocolate, and I have no issue making an egg free/oat free/chocolate free (not sure if that's ever came up since dh and I neither one like chocolate) version of what we are eating! Janelle was a vegetarian for the first 5 years of her life, and I had no issues with that either...just leaving the meat out + adding an alternative protein in some of dinner is no big deal at all.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
See, I don't think of it that way, because the snacks they have between meals are every bit as much real food as their meals. My kids, especially dd, are grazers. If they're grazing on nuts, fruit, yogurt (plain), raw veggies, etc., I can't really see that as a lack of real food, yk?

Here too, the other thing I've learned from years of feeding therapy and nutritionist consultations is that 6 small meals a day are much much healthier than 3 big meals, and that's basically what we do!


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Kraft Mac and Cheese is a quick, easy lunch dish here. Dinner mac and cheese (which we will probably have tonight along with asparagus) is made from scratch. Joy will have soup.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
Exactly! It's like the difference between a Big Mac and a home-grilled cheese burger.

Some people can't tolerate the wheat in pasta. But as far as nutritional content is concerned, I think millions of Italians who eat pasta every day seem to have something right. My Italian grandma certainly did. She died two months before her 99th birthday.

Please. My homemade mac and cheese is not junky. It's luxurious and _indulgent._


Exactly. Extra sharp cheddar cheese; 1% milk; 2 eggs + 1 egg white; elbow macaroni; and black pepper. The casserole dish is coated with butter (well, good quality margerine) and bread crumbs. French fried onions go on top during the last 5 minutes of baking. It serves 6 as the main dish. 1 main dish serving has 382 calories, total fat 19g, saturated fat 11g, protein 21g, carbs 33g, fiber 1g, sodium 355mg, cholesterol 122mg.

The cholesterol is high so we don't have it very often. But it doesn't taste the same without the extra sharp cheddar cheese.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

I try to avoid wheat and dairy as being the main ingredients in any of our dishes, but hey, I enjoy indulgences here and there.

I was simply responding to the idea that somehow homemade mac and cheese was necessarily a superior nutritional choice to boxed, and I personally don't believe it is (although I wouldn't touch Kraft with a ten foot pole - we buy the organic junk food around here.







)


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