# Discipline & 1yo



## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

This thread is taking a different direction than I intended... my purpose was to find out what others do as far as discipline with a 1 year old, particularly touching things you don't want them to play with. Post #37 I think best clarifies my original post. I've gotten a lot of answers & tips but if anyone has further advice, feel free to contribute!


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## hibiscus mum (Apr 6, 2009)

I say this gently, but i think he's just to young to get it right now. It's about impulse control, of which he has little right now. How long do you need to use the laptop for? Are we talking hours at a time? Does he nap? My DS is high-ish needs, but he's becoming a bit more independent these days. Can you give him pots and pans and big spoons to play with? Will he sit in his high chair and eat while you do some work?

I think you need to change your expectations a bit. I have no idea how it's possible to get work done while a baby/toddler is awake. if you just don't want him to touch the laptop, can you put it on the kitchen counter and stand to do your work?


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

Can you give him his own laptop? lol! I don't have any proper suggestions-- just sympathy. I don't want to label him, but my 4 month old certainly acts high-needs. And he does seem to have an issue with my attention being elsewhere. It's difficult to explain, unless you see it in action. Even if I'm driving, and he's in the backseat, he'll play quietly until I get my cell phone out and start talking on the phone. How does he know? and Why oh Why does he care so much?

This morning I let him cry for the 10 minutes it takes for me to get my clothes on. Sometimes you just *have* to get something done.

I'll just leave it out there-- sometimes I *do* resort to TV or you tube, even though I'm trying so hard for him to be "screen free". I'm hoping someone will have better suggestions.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hibiscus mum* 
I say this gently, but i think he's just to young to get it right now. It's about impulse control, of which he has little right now. How long do you need to use the laptop for? Are we talking hours at a time? Does he nap? My DS is high-ish needs, but he's becoming a bit more independent these days. Can you give him pots and pans and big spoons to play with? Will he sit in his high chair and eat while you do some work?

I think you need to change your expectations a bit. I have no idea how it's possible to get work done while a baby/toddler is awake. if you just don't want him to touch the laptop, can you put it on the kitchen counter and stand to do your work?

He seems very smart so I guess I expect him to be able to understand but you're probably right that he's just too young. I guess I was hoping there was some magical secret I was missing.

I work 8-hour days (and the hours aren't flexible, it's an 8-5 job) and no matter what kind of "toys" (including non-toys) I give him, the only thing he cares about is the laptop. He won't sit in the high chair for more than a couple minutes -- he needs to be able to touch me, climb in my lap, etc. otherwise he just screams. Same with if I stand at the counter to work -- he'd just hang on my leg & scream. I can usually keep him entertained for a bit but then he just grabs for the laptop. It drives me insane and honestly, it's dangerous, one time he grabbed the cord out of the laptop which was still plugged in to the wall & tried to put it in his mouth! He does nap a bit but not reliably. Some days I'll get a 1/2 hour stretch, other days a bit more (sometimes even 2 naps). I've been working since he was 2 months old and it's actually quite do-able most of the time but when he gets into his "I want the laptop" mode, it's nearly impossible.

I don't know, I'm feeling a lot of despair right now.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

My DD is the SAME way with the laptop. She wants it so bad. I think it's just natural b/c they see us on it, it is the coolest thing ever, they want to hit the keys and scroll and look at pictures.

But my DD, just like your DS, is way too young to understand that they can't/shouldn't/aren't allowed to play with it. It's frustrating, I know, but the only thing you can do is try to avoid using it in front of him. Saying 'no' over and over isn't going to do anything but frustrate you needlessly.

I don't do work on my laptop, but I do like to use it during the day -- for facebook, to come on MDC, to IM, to shop, etc -- so what I do is leave it on the dining room table. I don't sit, I stand. It keeps me limited in the time I waste online too b/c it's not comfortable to stand and use it.

I would do your work while he naps, if possible. Right now, I"m only able to take the time to respond b/c DD is napping!

Sometimes, if she's really jonesin' to go on, I do let her on it. I sit w/her on my lap and she pulls it up on her lap. The smile that lights up her face is so beautiful - she so loves playing on the computer! Is there any way you can give your DS some supervised computer time?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Yours is the same age as my younger child.

They just aren't going to be able to keep themselves from messing wtih something with a ton of really cool buttons that lights up and makes pictures and sounds and gets so much of your attention. Not at that age.

I would set up your workspace so he can't reach it.








I know it isn't easy and can be very frustrating.


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## youngnhappymamma (Feb 3, 2002)

I agree that expecting a 1 year old to obey every time (and remeber the things he is supposed to leave alone, etc) is not realistic. If I were you, I would set up the laptop in a more permanant place where it could be completley baby-proofed...I put a milk crate over our computer's power source and then thread the plugs through the holes in the crate so my 1 year old can't get to them. I have the computer up where he can't reach it. The keyboard is in a drawer he can't open. I would also try and get my work done at less stressful/less needy times....maybe first thing in the morning for an hour, during nap time (hopefully that's like 2 hours), and in the evening for 4-5 hours after he goes to bed. Also, rotating toys/activities works really well. I put just a few different, interesting toys in a bin and give him a bin of those toys when he needs something new. Or I let him play with all my measuring spoons and cups one day, the pots and pans the next day. I've let him sit at the table in his high chair with a pile of flour to play with (that lasted a good 20 minutes or so...which is really all you can expect a 1 year old to last at one activity, usually it's half that time) You can get a pack of jumbo crayons from the dollar store and let him experiment with them one day. The next day, you could let him sit on a towel on the kitchen floor with a few different containers with a bit of water in each and some spoons....but again, he's not going to be "busy" with any of his own activities for longer than 20 minutes or so (and probably less) so hopefully you can get the bulk of your work done at night after he is in bed or after DH comes home. Good luck!!


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

Just throwing out ideas-- can you have him stay up later at night, so he'll be more inclined to sleep while you are at work?


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## AmyKT (Aug 20, 2009)

Ok, what about this -- don't even know if it's possible, you could hook up another keyboard, ( I know that's possible), but the kicker would be if the laptop keyboard was disabled. I'm not sure about the techs on that. So he could being playing with the laptop keyboard while you're typing on the REAL keyboard. Maybe if he had free access to the laptop whenever he wanted (but you were still able to work) he would get bored of it. My DD is already mostly bored with my iPod Touch because I let her play with it all the time when I first got it.

Techie people, can you tell us whether the laptop keyboard could be disabled while another keyboard is connected?

I am assuming that he wouldn't be as interested in the free-standing keyboard, right? Or maybe he would want that one if it's the one you're working on.









I can't imagine working from home in your situation. My DD would be just like your DS.


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## Shami (Oct 9, 2007)

How about some kind of fun things that would contain him for a bit while you work. I'm thinking about exersaucers, pack n plays with special toys, jumpers that hang in the doorway, swing. I wouldn't leave him to cry anywhere so you could have all of those and just rotate him through. When he gets tired of the exersaucer, put him in the swing and so on. While this isn't ideal it might keep him entertained while you get a little work done. Or, how about a neigherhood kid to come over and play with him after school. Have dinner in the crockpot, kid plays with him while you work.
I think at his age, and even my dd at 27 months would not leave me alone for longer than five minute, if that!


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes* 
But my DD, just like your DS, is way too young to understand that they can't/shouldn't/aren't allowed to play with it. It's frustrating, I know, but the only thing you can do is try to avoid using it in front of him. Saying 'no' over and over isn't going to do anything but frustrate you needlessly.

It's good for me to hear this, I think part of the problem is that the saying no is a new thing... I thought it might work but obviously not. It just frustrates me more.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes* 
Is there any way you can give your DS some supervised computer time?

Yes I've done this, he's not too into it though. Mostly he just wants to do what I'm doing when I'm doing it, I guess.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I would set up your workspace so he can't reach it..

If he can't reach it then he can't reach ME either... that definitely won't go over well with him









Quote:


Originally Posted by *texmati* 
Just throwing out ideas-- can you have him stay up later at night, so he'll be more inclined to sleep while you are at work?

He stays up 'til midnight already most nights







DH & I are way too exhausted to keep him up any later than that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyKT* 
Ok, what about this -- don't even know if it's possible, you could hook up another keyboard, ( I know that's possible), but the kicker would be if the laptop keyboard was disabled.

I could do that but he would just want the keyboard I was using. I suppose I should be flattered that he wants to mimic me lol (trying to be a little more positive!!)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *youngnhappymamma* 
I would also try and get my work done at less stressful/less needy times....maybe first thing in the morning for an hour, during nap time (hopefully that's like 2 hours), and in the evening for 4-5 hours after he goes to bed. Also, rotating toys/activities works really well.

I have set hours, and even if I was able to arrange some flex time, there's not enough nap time to do this. Most days he naps one 1/2 hour - 45 minutes nap. Sometimes a bit longer but not often. And he goes to bed so late, the thought of working after he goes to bed is VERY unappealing. I'd be a zombie at 2am...

I do like your ideas for more activities, maybe I can work harder on that, let him try crayons & simple crafts and stuff like that. It's hard because I feel too overwhelmed to get creative, but I do think he'd like some new activities.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shami* 
How about some kind of fun things that would contain him for a bit while you work.

I tried that & ended up packing up all the "containers" because he wouldn't last more than a minute or two in any of them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shami* 
Or, how about a neigherhood kid to come over and play with him after school. Have dinner in the crockpot, kid plays with him while you work.

He has very bad stranger anxiety. He'll play with my sister for a bit (but she may be getting a new job soon so won't even be able to visit much). He won't even play with his grandparents etc., nevermind some strange kid.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions & I'm sorry to keep shooting them all down, I guess I just have a tough situation & I'm too stressed to rationally figure out any solutions. At least to know that my expectations are too high and I can give up the "no please don't touch that" routine.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Could your work be done using voice-recognition equipment so you don't have to be able to reach your keyboard and attach your laptop to your TV to get a larger screen? Then your ds could sit on the couch with his little laptop "controlling" the TV, while you just sit there talking into a headset.

Or get someone to make a plexiglass cover for your laptop keyboard with an opening in the front for your hands to go through, but will block access from the sides and top.

However, I'd also check out www.care.com even if you only get a few hours a week where you don't have to fight to get your work done it could help.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Could your work be done using voice-recognition equipment so you don't have to be able to reach your keyboard and attach your laptop to your TV to get a larger screen? Then your ds could sit on the couch with his little laptop "controlling" the TV, while you just sit there talking into a headset.

Or get someone to make a plexiglass cover for your laptop keyboard with an opening in the front for your hands to go through, but will block access from the sides and top.

Oh I wish!!! I am a web designer so "move that thing 2 pixels to the left" would be torturous through voice recognition!! lol!! Maybe some kind of plexi-glass cover could work though... you might be on to something there! I'll have to play around with that idea!


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## mum21andtwins (Nov 8, 2007)

have you tried working standing up with ds in a mei ti or similar? my ds's al loved it I would put on some music and bounce to it whilst doing some work. still do occasionally and the youngest 2 are 2.5. whilst It won't be something you can do for 8 hrs a day it might help.

Also I wouldn't say no to an afterschool helper. My eldest has some stranger issues at that age it would take him several days to warm up to people but a regular person coming over every working day with toys just for those time can become very attractive. expecially if they will sit near you and play with the toys. its worth giving it a shot for a couple of weeks if it mean you can get two hours of work done


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mum21andtwins* 
have you tried working standing up with ds in a mei ti or similar? my ds's al loved it I would put on some music and bounce to it whilst doing some work. still do occasionally and the youngest 2 are 2.5. whilst It won't be something you can do for 8 hrs a day it might help.

Also I wouldn't say no to an afterschool helper. My eldest has some stranger issues at that age it would take him several days to warm up to people but a regular person coming over every working day with toys just for those time can become very attractive. expecially if they will sit near you and play with the toys. its worth giving it a shot for a couple of weeks if it mean you can get two hours of work done

I've tried working with him in the wrap but he is very very restless. He's one of those kids that wants to be active & do things on his own but wants me right there beside him at the same time. (I'm glad he's my first & I don't have other kids to contend with at the same time!)

We can't afford to hire anyone else to come help out during the week... and since it took several months to get him comfortable just with my sister, I'm not sure the investment it will take from me for him to be comfortable with a neighborhood kid is really worth it (it really takes a lot out of me to deal with how he is around "strangers").


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## BetsyNY (Jul 1, 2005)

The situation you're describing really can't work, and it's not working now. You're getting frustrated to the point that you're going to lose control with a 1-year-old. It's only going to get worse.

As your son becomes more mobile and independent, working a full eight-hour day from home will become impossible. You need to hire a mother's helper or find another mom to take him for a few hours a day. You have to find a way to afford it, because your son is a baby and doesn't understand "don't touch the laptop."

What kind of work from home job requires that you sit in front of your computer and design from 8-5?


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I agree with the previous poster. I don't see how this can work--it sounds like unrealistic expectations, and the situation is not fair to either of you. A one year old *needs* fairly constant ongoing interaction and engagement. Expecting him to play alone, or play without direct engagement, for for more than a few minutes, is developmentally unrealistic at such a young age. He needs more than being near you. He needs access to attention and interaction full time. There is no way to train him out of that need and you really do not want to try. What he wants from you right now is constant interaction--because he needs it. I understand that you have to work, which is why you must have help with childcare. You *cannot* do this alone. That is a totally unrealistic situation to put on your shoulders.

Just to be clear--the situation has nothing to do with him learning not to touch the laptop. The laptop is getting 8 hours of your attention. So naturally he wants to get as close as possible to the laptop. He is showing you that he needs your attention in the only way he can-and that is not a bad thing at all. It is a good sign, because he is trying to help you meet his needs. Your frustration is natural, because there is no way you can do this job and also meet his needs, from what you describe. You really need to find a way to afford help with childcare.

I would hire a mother's helper as soon as possible. Contact your local homeschooling groups. If you can find two or three dependable homeschooled kids you could rotate the 5 days a week. I bet you would only need them for a 4 hour shift each day, because you could do several hours without a helper while ds naps. A child of 11 or 12 would be perfect for this kind of job.

Eventually you may be able to afford a permanent care situation, but for now, I would start with a mother's helper. That way your ds will have another person able to engage him, play, etc. which is what he needs.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyNY* 
The situation you're describing really can't work, and it's not working now. You're getting frustrated to the point that you're going to lose control with a 1-year-old. It's only going to get worse.

As your son becomes more mobile and independent, working a full eight-hour day from home will become impossible. You need to hire a mother's helper or find another mom to take him for a few hours a day. You have to find a way to afford it, because your son is a baby and doesn't understand "don't touch the laptop."

What kind of work from home job requires that you sit in front of your computer and design from 8-5?

This you simpily cannot be in front of the computer for 8 hours a day with a toddler t could be possible with a newborn or even a pre crawler but once mobile no its jsut not going to happen. Its going to get worse not better he needs to be engaged activly by you or another care provider. You'll eaither need to work it out so your 8 hours a day are broken up into more kid friendly managable times that may mean gettign him on a better sleeping "schedule" so you can do some work after hes in bed and during a set quiet /nap time or after DH comes home ect... or you'll have to hire someone to help out I get the cost issue and the whole work thing may need to be addressed but you simpily cannot expect him to jsut leave you be for extended periods of time... He might learn to leave the computer alone but then it will be the TV the stero opening the fridge pulling out paper finding the markers discovering facuets on and on its jsut part of parenthood.









Deanna


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I'd also look hard at his sleep schedule. He may well be high needs, but he also sounds sleep deprived. If he goes to bed at midnight, he 'should' be sleeping until at least 9 am or so. And then he would still need a 1-2 hour nap. That kind of sleep schedule could give you a good 4 hours to work during the day, you could get in a couple hours in the evening while your dh is home, and then only need to get in a couple hours while he's awake.

But if you can't get his sleep worked out so you can work while he sleeps, then I have to agree with previous posters: You're attempting the impossible.

You have a 1 year old. 1 year olds have:
No attention span
No real impulse control
A high need to move
No ability to tolerate frustration or wait

And you're trying to do something that requires him to do all of that.

My dh works from home. We found that once our infants became toddlers we _needed_ daycare of some sort. The time from about 12 to 20 months was particularly difficult. _And_ we have kids who were not high needs, and who could entertain themselves for relatively long periods of time (for their age). We made do with part time daycare until they were school aged.

Realistically though, my dh was not able to work full time from home until this year, when our younger child was in kindergarten all day, every day.

I know there are some WAH parents on MDC who can and do work full time from home. You might try posting in Working & Student Parents to see how they do it, especially at this maddening age.


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

I have a baby the same age as yours (not high-needs though), and work from home on the computer. However, my husband also works from home, our hours are flexible, and neither of us works full time.

In order to have any useful suggestions, I'd like to get a better idea of what your situation was before the most recent issues arose. How did it work out before you had this laptop-grabbing problem? What did your baby do all day, and how did you distract him while managing to work full time? Without knowing this, it's harder to give useful tips.


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## Kreeblim (Dec 19, 2009)

The computer thing is pretty common, and he will grow out of it. The only thing that seemed to help was simply shutting the laptop EACH AND EVERY time he came near and was about to touch it. At first he got upset, but I would just sit calmly and talk to him and wait for him to get bored with it and walk away...as soon as he was gone I'd open it back up, which seemed to call him right back over (and I would shut and wait AGAIN). After a while (don't remember how long...maybe weeks) he stopped even trying to touch the laptop, and now at 19 months he can even sit on my lap for long periods of time without touching the thing.

However, it was frustrating at first, because I would lose my train of thought. I also work from home so I HAD to be on the computer through the day, but I seemed to have it a bit easier in that I mostly made my own hours. He is high needs with sensory issues. We made it work by taking long play breaks when it was obvious he needed me to. I really don't know what to tell you about having to be stuck on the computer for an entire 8 hour shift straight...it's very hard for me to imagine that working in the long run though. Without a schedule shift or some child care you may be setting yourself up for failure here.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
I'd also look hard at his sleep schedule. He may well be high needs, but he also sounds sleep deprived. .

This. I was going to post the exact same thing. It's quite possible he's napping poorly during the day due to poor/not enough sleep at night.

I'll also echo the PP about how difficult WAH with a 1 year old is. I'm a visiting nurse and have to do my charting on laptop. I have *tried* to do it at home bit it just turns into a complete joke. My DS also loves the laptop and hates that mama is using it







. I can sometimes catch up on work on the weekends during his naptime but that's it.

I honestly cannot imagine trying to get 8 hrs of work done everyday at home. OP, you have my empathy!


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Please... I really wanted to focus on getting DS to listen, NOT my work situation. Honestly, my work situation is working just fine for the most part. Of course there is room for improvement but it's OK for now. I know you all are saying this will only get harder but already it is WAY easier than just a few months ago. I don't think I've been clear about DS's personality etc. I was having a really rough day yesterday and feeling frustrated that DS didn't understand NO. It seems you all are saying that's unrealistic to expect, that's fine, I can accept that. Thank you to those who gave ideas to distract him etc., I will try some of these. If anyone has any more ideas in that area, I'd love to hear them. Please please please no more comments about me working or hiring extra help etc. That is non-negotiable at the moment. Thank you!!


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
Please... I really wanted to focus on getting DS to listen, NOT my work situation. Honestly, my work situation is working just fine for the most part. Of course there is room for improvement but it's OK for now. I know you all are saying this will only get harder but already it is WAY easier than just a few months ago. I don't think I've been clear about DS's personality etc. I was having a really rough day yesterday and feeling frustrated that DS didn't understand NO. It seems you all are saying that's unrealistic to expect, that's fine, I can accept that. Thank you to those who gave ideas to distract him etc., I will try some of these. If anyone has any more ideas in that area, I'd love to hear them. Please please please no more comments about me working or hiring extra help etc. That is non-negotiable at the moment. Thank you!!









You're saying that your side of this is not negotiable, which seems to mean his is. But his absolutely is not. He is a toddler, and a normal one, and will not be able to handle you working on your computer for 8 hours a day without serious interaction. It isn't fair to try to burden him with an inflexible and unrealistic situation.


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## woodchick (Jan 5, 2007)

It sounds like you might need an organized system of distractions for your DS. Every time he reaches for the laptop you need to have something new to distract him with. I'm imagining five boxes M-F with different things in them. Then during the day you pull something new out everytime he tries to get at your things.

My DD1 needed constant redirection at that age, DD2 is only slightly better at playing independantly.

Do you get a lunch break? I would spend every second of that time playing with your LO. Face to face, in physical contact, doing something he wants to do.

It does sound like he could use more sleep. I might play around with new strategies to get him to nap a little more or get more sleep at night. Warmer room? Consistent schedule? White noise?

Good luck, mama! I can barely get the house chores done around my girls' needs, never mind work an 8-5!

I know that you won't be hiring anyone, but have you considered making friends with families that have middle schoolers? We have a couple families at our church with 10-13yos. Those kids would practically pay me in order to come and play with the girls. Maybe your DS would warm up to playing with someone else while you're in the room?


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

wow, not to be negative, OP, but your situation just sounds like a set-up for failure. i understand that your schedule is set and cant be flexed at all, but it really isnt a fair expectation for your LO to "behave" while you work. if you cant put LO in daycare, and you cant afford a mothers helper, and you cant quit your job, i would think you just need to accept that it isnt going to be any different for quite a few months.

have you tried a backpack carrier for LO while you stand at the kitchen counter to work? i get that LO "needs to be active" but if you cant make any concessions to accommodate these baby to toddler transition months, then maybe you could just resolve to deal with whatever fall out comes from making LO learn to like the backpack...


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

I get the impression that you all think I'm sitting down to work & expecting my son to entertain himself & basically ignoring him. That's totally not the case. I play with him & sing to him and hold him and interact with him and most of the time we have a lot of fun. Based on my experiences on weekends/vacations, not working would not make him any happier or calmer or well-behaved etc. He is just a very intense, strong-willed kid. And I love him for it







I am a very effective & efficient worker, I manage a whole department & work on all my sites and get more work done than my teammates who work in the office. When I was working in the office, I (yes just me) replaced a 6-person team... I'm just fast I guess? And if I wasn't working, I would still want to do my own thing occasionally (read a book or go online for 10 minutes here & there), and there are still things I don't want him to touch, so I don't see this as an issue directly related to my work. Maybe I should have left the "working at home" bit out of my posts.

I know I'm coming off as inflexible & negative and I apologize for the "annoyance" factor there, I hate when posters act like that and here I am doing it myself. But I guess sometimes that's just how it ends up.

woodchick -- I love the idea of different toys for each day of the week. I could probably extend that to include different songs and games too so he doesn't get bored with my "go-to" ones.

He is actually starting to sleep much better these days. Yes he goes to sleep late but he doesn't get up at 8am! He usually gets up at 9 or 10, sometimes a little later. Some days he takes a 2+ hour nap (it's just not the norm)... I really have to follow his cues with regards to sleep, because he will NOT just fall asleep at my urging. I would love to get him on some schedule but I am clueless on how to get him to accept & follow it, he just doesn't seem like the kind of baby that's receptive to schedules.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I think you totally CAN make this work









First is to adjust your expectations as mentioned- he's just too little to resist fun stuff









Give him a real keyboard-yeah not as cool as yours, but close.

Videos? Mine really got into signing time around a year- begged for them.

Videos in a little window on your laptop? Dh can manage to get some work done with ds that way









Love the idea of boxes of "new" toys.

Playdough? Sand or rice box? water pouring? (contained of course)

-Angela


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Does he like water? I vote for once to a couple times a day in the tub. Get a big rope tub, put it on your kitchen floor (or wherever you work) and let him sit in it with an inch or two of water and splash as long as he likes. Maybe the water will be enough to distract him from the laptop for awhile.

My one year old loves sitting in his tub.









It's too bad you can't choose your own hours.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Thanks! I tried cartoons once when he was sick (not really a fan of them but I thought I'd try it) but he didn't seem too into them. He has a million toys and he likes the ones that make music so maybe I should keep more of those nearby. I do think he'd like the sand & water







I'm trying to get DH to build him an indoor sandbox!


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## BetsyNY (Jul 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
I get the impression that you all think I'm sitting down to work & expecting my son to entertain himself & basically ignoring him. That's totally not the case. I play with him & sing to him and hold him and interact with him and most of the time we have a lot of fun. Based on my experiences on weekends/vacations, not working would not make him any happier or calmer or well-behaved etc. He is just a very intense, strong-willed kid. And I love him for it







I am a very effective & efficient worker, I manage a whole department & work on all my sites and get more work done than my teammates who work in the office. When I was working in the office, I (yes just me) replaced a 6-person team... I'm just fast I guess? And if I wasn't working, I would still want to do my own thing occasionally (read a book or go online for 10 minutes here & there), and there are still things I don't want him to touch, so I don't see this as an issue directly related to my work. Maybe I should have left the "working at home" bit out of my posts.

I know I'm coming off as inflexible & negative and I apologize for the "annoyance" factor there, I hate when posters act like that and here I am doing it myself. But I guess sometimes that's just how it ends up.



One-year-olds don't *listen*, whether he's a so-called "strong-willed" kid or not.

There is an ocean of difference between trying to keep a 1-year-old occupied for a few minutes so you can check your email or something (easily done with keys, pots and pans and a spoon, nursing, whatever) and trying to work a full time job with such efficiency you replaced a six-person team.

There's a key thing here you don't seem to be understanding, even though several posters have mentioned it--your expectations are unrealistic. Babies, through their very nature, are "high needs." If you spend eight hours in front of a computer (and that's what you said, that you need to be working from 8-5), he's going to want to be all over that computer. Alegna and others had some good suggestions re: toys and things, but you can still expect him to be all up in your laptop. Getting him one of his own might work.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyNY* 
One-year-olds don't *listen*, whether he's a so-called "strong-willed" kid or not.

There is an ocean of difference between trying to keep a 1-year-old occupied for a few minutes so you can check your email or something (easily done with keys, pots and pans and a spoon, nursing, whatever) and trying to work a full time job with such efficiency you replaced a six-person team.

There's a key thing here you don't seem to be understanding, even though several posters have mentioned it--your expectations are unrealistic. Babies, through their very nature, are "high needs." If you spend eight hours in front of a computer (and that's what you said, that you need to be working from 8-5), he's going to want to be all over that computer. Alegna and others had some good suggestions re: toys and things, but you can still expect him to be all up in your laptop. Getting him one of his own might work.

He does have his own laptop. I don't expect him to not touch my computer ever. I already acknowledged that I didn't realize 1-yo's don't ever listen. In the other parenting board many of the 1-yo's do behave but they are more mainstream & I'm sure aren't using "gentle discipline" -- and I accept that any expectations on my part needs to be modified if I don't want to resort to mainstream "discipline" (and I definitely don't!). You also seem to think I'm making my DS high-needs by working etc. or that I don't realize how needy babies are. I don't know if you've ever had a high-needs kid but trust me, it's not as simple as "all babies are high needs"...


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

well, my older ds was, and still is, HN. he was what i called "hyper-kinetic" bc he never stopped moving, even in his sleep. my younger ds was not like that, he was able to engage in self-directed play from the time he could sit up alone (4-5 mos). and yet, ds2 was always all up in my stuff. LOL its just how babies are.


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## betsyj (Jan 8, 2009)

I am a FT WOH mama and my son is in daycare. We simply could not make it work. He was into everything and since I was right there desparately wanted and needed my attention.

Since we need my job because my son has CP and my insurance protects us we had to put him in daycare.

It just doesn't really matter in the end if your son is high needs or not. I still laugh when I think of the Sear's Baby Book saying how easy it is to just put your kid in the sling and work out of the home.

NOT!!


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

In the other parenting board many of the 1-yo's do behave but they are more mainstream & I'm sure aren't using "gentle discipline"
Chances are they are eaither really not as "perfect" as they are claiming happen to have very complacent content little ones or have broken them down to a dangerous degree wich of course you don't want to do. Around here EVERYONE uses punitive and mainstream methods I'm to total wacky odd one







and gues what they ALL at that age acted the same mostly good some "bad" there needs were the same they all had melt downs and tantrums and no no mommy you can't moments seasons of extrem need and other seasons where all seemed to fall into place.
You have a brand new 1 year old keep in mind many many with LO your DS age have pre walkers early crawlers which is jsut easier to deal with







Mine walked at 7 months Oh boy did that change life LOL!
There are many things that you can use to help distract him special toys rotating each day can help keep them new setting him up with his own computer finger paints play doh (but these will need supervision) water play bowels of dried rice or beans (if he won't swallow them) I used to jsut lay a big blanket out and dump a WIC package of dried beans onto it and toss in a plastic cup or two and DD would go to town. That was thing that held her atention for quite a while.








I also do NOT think your trying to stay endlesss in front of a computer for 8 hours straight but yes there still needs to be some reality and yes some changes on everyones part will need to be made. Asking how I can distract my one year old child for 15-20 mintues an hour so I can get some needed work done is one thing exactly how big of a block of time are you needing to work at one sitting?

Deanna


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Have you talked with your husband about the situation? You are trying to work two full-time jobs simultaneously. People are giving suggestions about your work situation because when you're in an untenable position like that it can feel like there is no other solution and sometimes a view from outside can help.

For instance, you might find that you can get freelance work that makes up for your salary and lets you work outside of that 8-5 time (and how did you get stuck with having to work those hours in a field like web design anyway? Don't answer that, I'm just







at your boss who seems rather horribly and rigid.)

But Octobermom's idea to look at exactly what size block you need for continuous concentrated work, and work on getting that time at regular intervals is awesome.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

I know, it's not that I'm not grateful for the ideas & advice, it's just that I didn't want it to be the focus of this thread. It makes me feel kind of... judged & attacked I guess... when everyone is giving comments on my work situation when I clearly stated in the begining that I didn't want to talk about that. That's why I posted in the discipline forum because that's specifically what I wanted to focus on. I know you're right & everyone's just trying to help. I just don't want help with this. There are many many reasons we've settled on the current situation (and although I say "settled" that doesn't mean we're not doing other things to improve it, in fact, DH is looking for a higher-paying job)... I just wanted to know how people keep their young kids (especially volatile high-needs kids!) away from things that they don't want them to touch for whatever reason. I thought there was some magic secret I missed out on or something. Obviously there's not & it sounds like the best technique is distraction, which is fine. I just feel like everyone is implying I don't have my son's best interests in mind & WAH with him is damaging him. Maybe that's not how it was intended but I've been a hormonal mess for a while now and that doesn't help when I'm interpreting everyone's tone!!


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
I know, it's not that I'm not grateful for the ideas & advice, it's just that I didn't want it to be the focus of this thread. It makes me feel kind of... judged & attacked I guess... when everyone is giving comments on my work situation when I clearly stated in the begining that I didn't want to talk about that. That's why I posted in the discipline forum because that's specifically what I wanted to focus on. I know you're right & everyone's just trying to help. I just don't want help with this. There are many many reasons we've settled on the current situation (and although I say "settled" that doesn't mean we're not doing other things to improve it, in fact, DH is looking for a higher-paying job)... I just wanted to know how people keep their young kids (especially volatile high-needs kids!) away from things that they don't want them to touch for whatever reason. I thought there was some magic secret I missed out on or something. Obviously there's not & it sounds like the best technique is distraction, which is fine. I just feel like everyone is implying I don't have my son's best interests in mind & WAH with him is damaging him. Maybe that's not how it was intended but I've been a hormonal mess for a while now and that doesn't help when I'm interpreting everyone's tone!!









Ahh mama I'm sorry I didn't ntice your update and desire to not discuss this rigth now. My DH and I came off of a long period of very low pay (like 5 years) SO I totally understand being stuck and having no way out. I know you have your sons best intrest in mind you wouldn't be asking if you didn't care







.. Just remember one is a hard age that all parents of one yer olds have struggles and try to give both your DS and your self some grace.

Deanna


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Thank you Deanna!!!









I'm just doing the best I can. I'm sure things will improve eventually & I'm just kinda trying to "hang on" til then. With a cute little boy to brighten the way!


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## mckittre (Jan 15, 2009)

I'm sorry you're having such trouble!

Back to your original question.
I guess I'd say that one year olds do listen sometimes, but I don't think it has anything to do with discipline techniques - it's just personality, and how much they want the forbidden thing. My one year old understands "no" just fine. When I tell him not to play with computer cords, he listens. When I tell him not to touch the hot woodstove, he listens. When I tell him not to eat the dog food - not a chance! If it's one of those super exciting things like dog food, I just have to keep it out of his reach. The laptop to your kid sounds like the dog food to mine.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mckittre* 
I'm sorry you're having such trouble!

Back to your original question.
I guess I'd say that one year olds do listen sometimes, but I don't think it has anything to do with discipline techniques - it's just personality, and how much they want the forbidden thing. My one year old understands "no" just fine. When I tell him not to play with computer cords, he listens. When I tell him not to touch the hot woodstove, he listens. When I tell him not to eat the dog food - not a chance! If it's one of those super exciting things like dog food, I just have to keep it out of his reach. The laptop to your kid sounds like the dog food to mine.

Hahahaaa the dog food is his other favorite thing!! In fact, when I need a few minutes' peace, I hand him the (empty of course!) dog bowl, which in his mind is almost as good as the food!

I am not sure he really understands no. He knows if I ask him -- like, "Do you want to read this book?" he will shake his head no until I pick the RIGHT book. I guess sometimes if I tell him no, he'll sort of get it, but not really. Maybe he thinks it's a game, or just like you said, that he can't resist if it's something he really wants. Someone told me to say a "stern no" and that helps them get it, but I either end up cracking up (if I'm in a good mood) because I'm not stern, or practically yelling (if I'm in a bad mood) and probably scaring my poor little guy!! I don't want to be the kind of mom that yells... I hate yelling, it's no fun to hear & it gives me a sore throat, not to mention that it doesn't help anyone understand my point better!!


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## firewoman (Feb 2, 2008)

mama. I don't have any more suggestions. I think there are some good ones already posted. For now, I would make the most of the time he does sleep which I'm sure you already do. You will get it figured out. I'm sorry that you feel judged and I'm sure you are a good mom.


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## BetsyNY (Jul 1, 2005)

Quote:

You also seem to think I'm making my DS high-needs by working etc. or that I don't realize how needy babies are. I don't know if you've ever had a high-needs kid but trust me, it's not as simple as "all babies are high needs"...
I have twin preemie boys. One has ASD and the other has SPD. I know all about high needs. AND I work from home.

If you think, however, that this situation would be workable if your kid was different, maybe that would be so. But what I want to impress upon you (and other posters have said this as well) that this situation is beyond difficult. It doesn't really have anything to do with how "high needs" you think your son is.

This really should make you feel *better*! It's not you, it's not him. It's the situation.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
. I just wanted to know how people keep their young kids (especially volatile high-needs kids!) away from things that they don't want them to touch for whatever reason. I thought there was some magic secret I missed out on or something. Obviously there's not & it sounds like the best technique is distraction, which is fine. I just feel like everyone is implying I don't have my son's best interests in mind & WAH with him is damaging him. Maybe that's not how it was intended but I've been a hormonal mess for a while now and that doesn't help when I'm interpreting everyone's tone!!









I'm so sorry.

And plexiglass is my best suggestion.







Our dvd player is on a 6' high shelf on a book case so I definitely don't have any good "keep the toddler off the technology" ideas.

I wish to goodness there was some technology that'd let you work without touching anything.

One thing, you know for sure that your parenting is fine. You definitely did NOT cause your LO to get into touching stuff. Sure, it'd be great to pay him more attention, but my dd gets tons of attention and she still beelines for my keyboard when I'm not even at the computer.

I would play around with how you give him attention. Sometimes, 20 minutes of really concentrated, right-there, mommy attention and interaction makes Lina happy to play alone for 20-30 minutes. Sometimes she wants a little attention very frequently, so it's like do something for 2 minutes, swing her around for 2 minutes, do something, be with her, do something, be with her (that way is a LOT harder for getting anything done, but since you're skilled at your job, you could probably be more efficient than I am at it.)

Time outside increases nap length. (winter sucks in this regard)








: that your dh gets a job that lets you at least switch to part-time on your paying job!


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyNY* 
I have twin preemie boys. One has ASD and the other has SPD. I know all about high needs. AND I work from home.

If you think, however, that this situation would be workable if your kid was different, maybe that would be so. But what I want to impress upon you (and other posters have said this as well) that this situation is beyond difficult. It doesn't really have anything to do with how "high needs" you think your son is.

This really should make you feel *better*! It's not you, it's not him. It's the situation.

I guess I get what you're saying. The only reason I included the fact that he's high-needs is because the typical things like "put him in the exersaucer" etc. would never ever work for him. I do think things would be easier if he were not so high-needs (because the constant screaming etc. gets to me sometimes) but I don't discount that the situation would be difficult regardless. Yes I know the situation is difficult but I've been feeling like almost everyone here is throwing that in my face -- like, "LOOK, LOOK HOW HORRIBLE YOUR SITUATION IS, WHAT A TERRIBLE MOM YOU ARE TO DO THIS TO YOUR SON." I do not think my son would be better off in daycare or with a nanny, but even if I did, the fact of the matter is that I cannot afford it. The situation I am in is not impossible & I am not setting myself up for failure. I've been doing this for about a year & it's getting easier, not harder, though I'm sure we'll continue to have ups & downs and no matter what (working or not) I am going to have days like yesterday when I posted this, where I feel incredibly stressed & overwhelmed.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

And my dd is definitely NOT high needs and I couldn't possibly work 8-5 with her. When she was a newborn and nursing all day, yeah, then it would've been possible, assuming I didn't have to do anything else or get myself food.

Now? No.way.at.all.

Wait, not being able to use an exersaucer or bouncy seat or whatever means your LO is high needs?? Oh. Maybe I'm wrong about her not being high needs then. Nah, she does play happily alone, sometimes.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
Someone told me to say a "stern no" and that helps them get it,

hahahahahhahaaahhaahahaaa ha ha.
Yeah, that person must've had astonishingly compliant kiddos.

Ooo, but your dog food bowl idea gives me another idea. Could you lay down a tarp and give him a bowl of ooblick? No, wait, nvm, the fun factor of the huge mess would end up losing you time as he decides to come up and hug you with gloppy little hands. Darn.

Blanket and a bag of beans, some measuring cups and the dog bowl. Then it's just like dog food but less messy. The blanket catches the beans so they don't go hither thither and it adds to the time he'll play with the dog bowl.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

I hesitated before posting b/c I hate coming across as harsh on these boards.

Don't think I haven't been in your shoes b/c I have a home business and I overload in credits every semester through online programs with my university. I'm easily on the computer 8-10hrs a day, 7 days a week, since DD was born.

In fact, during contractions I was emailing my customers and 2 days after birth I was back at the computer.

But you need to hear this b/c I looked at the thread and did not see your clarification anywhere, which is enough for me to assume his situation.

You need to hear that is it NOT right for your child to be in an environment with ONE adult, who is in front of a computer for any extended time.

That is NOT right, NOT healthy and NOT fair to your child's development. Even if you hold, play and cuddle with him while on the computer, it is NOT the same.

It is NOT safe and it is NOT conducive to raising a developmentally and emotionally healthy child.

Please, please consider options to increase his interaction with people and ensure he has a healthy, connected environment. Even hiring a local teen to play with him for a few hours would be an improvement.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
And plexiglass is my best suggestion.









Yeah I totally have to look into building a plexiglass thing!!! Maybe I will experiment this weekend.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
I would play around with how you give him attention. Sometimes, 20 minutes of really concentrated, right-there, mommy attention and interaction makes Lina happy to play alone for 20-30 minutes. Sometimes she wants a little attention very frequently, so it's like do something for 2 minutes, swing her around for 2 minutes, do something, be with her, do something, be with her (that way is a LOT harder for getting anything done, but since you're skilled at your job, you could probably be more efficient than I am at it.)

Usually when he seems extra fussy/clingy I put down everything & give him undivided attention. And all throughout my workday I take a minute here, five minutes there, to read or play games with him. Plus I nurse him a million times a day & hold him while he naps... and change his diaper, brush my teeth, etc. Yes I work an 8-hour day but when I was in the office I took lots of breaks to chat with co-workers or get a snack etc. so I just look at it the same way, he's my little co-worker & we chat!







He is starting to have interest in playing alone for a bit but it's very short-lived.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Time outside increases nap length. (winter sucks in this regard)

I can't WAIT 'til it warms up a bit. I used to take him for a walk every day during lunch but I don't tolerate the cold well so we rarely go outside. Actually I haven't left the house since Sunday







But when it finally warms up he'll actually be able to walk by himself so that will be super fun for us!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 







: that your dh gets a job that lets you at least switch to part-time on your paying job!

He had an interview yesterday actually, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed! It's a contract job which is a little scary (who knows if they'll keep him after 1 year!) but it might make it possible for me to quit or at least do freelance or something. Plus opens the door to other higher-paying jobs for him. I also have another company that wants to hire me as soon as a position opens up (and I'm pushing for part-time & flex hours if that comes through!) So there's a lot of possibilities!

P.S. I just read your dog bowl comments and I am CRACKING UP!!!


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

Yes I know the situation is difficult but I've been feeling like almost everyone here is throwing that in my face -- like, "LOOK, LOOK HOW HORRIBLE YOUR SITUATION IS, WHAT A TERRIBLE MOM YOU ARE TO DO THIS TO YOUR SON.








Don't feel that way your not a terrible mom your just faced with a chalanging situation we have all faced them they are difficult because there is no one size fits all answer.








May I ask again exactly how long of a time span you are needing to spend at a time uninterupted at the computer (or an average) knwoing how long your looking at keeping him busy may help hash out some ideas.









Quote:

I am not sure he really understands no. He knows if I ask him -- like, "Do you want to read this book?" he will shake his head no until I pick the RIGHT book. I guess sometimes if I tell him no, he'll sort of get it, but not really. Maybe he thinks it's a game, or just like you said, that he can't resist if it's something he really wants.
little ones that age have a hard time comprehending the negitive. SO if you say Don't touch the TV (or computer) in there mind they often hear.. Touch it.







so its often better to give what they can do so like instead of Don't touch one might say hands down gentle touch ect. Feeding the what to do often gets understood better than what not to do. (sometimes).

Deanna


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Your DS sounds like a normal, curious and busy 1 yo. I hope you find a way to make this work out; I can imagine how challenging it must be. I know several previous wahms who had to stop once their baby started walking or hire part-time help b/c it's too hard to do two things at once, yk? My DH has recently started working from home and honestly, it is hard, even with me here (and 3 of the 4 kids in school a big part of the time). No way in heck could he do it full-time with our 2 yo - who is not what I would consider high needs at all, just a typical active toddler. I do leave him home for 20 min or so at a time with DH, but DH knows that it often means he will have stop what he's doing and focus on DS - or DS is getting into something he probably shouldn't be. I definitely would say it gets harder the older they get, until maybe like age 4-5 when they do want to play independently and aren't so needy.

I really don't have any advice about disciplining a 1 yo while you work full-time from home, b/c even without such restrictions it can be challenging raising a toddler. There really is no reasoning at this age, kwim? They are super ego-centric and busy, busy, busy - but that's normal.

Best of luck finding a solution. I would try several of the ideas mentioned on this thread.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
You need to hear that is it NOT right for your child to be in an environment with ONE adult, who is in front of a computer for any extended time.

That is NOT right, NOT healthy and NOT fair to your child's development. Even if you hold, play and cuddle with him while on the computer, it is NOT the same.

It is NOT safe and it is NOT conducive to raising a developmentally and emotionally healthy child.

I know you are only trying to help but this is exactly the kind of thing I am saying makes me feel very judged. I haven't explained all the details of the situation because this thread is not about my work situation, although it sure seems to have turned that way. He is actually ahead developmentally in most ways and trust me, you may have been in similar situations but you don't know my son and you don't know what's best for him & of course I am not going to put him in a situation that is not in his best interests. I feel very defensive right now so... sorry if I come off as angry. This is just really upsetting to me.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
May I ask again exactly how long of a time span you are needing to spend at a time uninterupted at the computer (or an average) knwoing how long your looking at keeping him busy may help hash out some ideas.









Well I need to keep him busy all day. Working or not, I need him to have something to do lol!!! I don't need to spend any specific amount of time uninterrupted. I am interrupted constantly all day by co-workers etc. so it's not a problem to have interruptions.







I am not good at "playing" -- even when I was a kid I preferred to read & do crafts and line up my toys rather than play with them. So playing with him is a bit of a struggle for me. ETA: I'm not saying I don't want to play with him, I mean it just doesn't come naturally so I have no clue what to do with him sometimes!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
little ones that age have a hard time comprehending the negitive. SO if you say Don't touch the TV (or computer) in there mind they often hear.. Touch it.







so its often better to give what they can do so like instead of Don't touch one might say hands down gentle touch ect. Feeding the what to do often gets understood better than what not to do. (sometimes).

That's a great tip, makes total sense, thanks!!!


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

I think you know that no one on here is trying to judge you. Times are hard for a lot of people and the conflict between working while parenting is an age-old issue.

But the reality of your situation still remains and since it wasn't addressed, I put it out there.

If he is ahead developmentally, that would only motivate me more to try to provide a better environment for him.

I'm here, right now, doing what you have mentioned. I know the reality of it; there's no way to dismiss what's happening or say he's taking to it well.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

There is only about 1, maybe 2 hours a day where he is not either sleeping, nursing, or playing with someone else (though still right beside me). Somehow it came across that I was working 8+ hours straight with him by my side & forcing him to sit nicely & play alone or something. That's not the case at all. On an average day:

8am - I wake up, sneak out of bed & sneak back in with the laptop while he sleeps
10am - he wakes up, we open all the blinds, change his diaper, etc.
10-12 - he plays, nurses, plays, nurses, etc. I take breaks to play with him or read to him but mostly I am focused on work.
12-1 (my lunch break) - I jump in the shower quickly, then sometimes we eat lunch, other times just play together. I'm not working during this time unless he happened to fall asleep around 11:45 or something.
1-5pm - Working. Either DH or my sister is here to play with him. He's mostly still in the room with me (though he'll go into the other room with DH more now). He nurses often & we play a bit too. He usually takes a nap & I hold him while he's sleeping.

I hope that clarifies the situation. I really did not want to get into all & I don't know how it all got blown out of proportion. The original issue was that he loves to grab the mouse & laptop cords (sometimes when it's just me & him & other times in the afternoon when DH/sis are with him).


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
There is only about 1, maybe 2 hours a day where he is not either sleeping, nursing, or playing with someone else (though still right beside me). Somehow it came across that I was working 8+ hours straight with him by my side & forcing him to sit nicely & play alone or something. That's not the case at all. On an average day:

8am - I wake up, sneak out of bed & sneak back in with the laptop while he sleeps
10am - he wakes up, we open all the blinds, change his diaper, etc.
10-12 - he plays, nurses, plays, nurses, etc. I take breaks to play with him or read to him but mostly I am focused on work.
12-1 (my lunch break) - I jump in the shower quickly, then sometimes we eat lunch, other times just play together. I'm not working during this time unless he happened to fall asleep around 11:45 or something.
1-5pm - Working. Either DH or my sister is here to play with him. He's mostly still in the room with me (though he'll go into the other room with DH more now). He nurses often & we play a bit too. He usually takes a nap & I hold him while he's sleeping.

I hope that clarifies the situation. I really did not want to get into all & I don't know how it all got blown out of proportion. The original issue was that he loves to grab the mouse & laptop cords (sometimes when it's just me & him & other times in the afternoon when DH/sis are with him).

I'm sorry, mama. I really did have this idea that you were SAH with him alone and working all day.

Redirection is really hard b/c they know you are focusing on something. It's as if they are saying, "hey! I'm gonna bug you so you pay attention to me!" My little sister does this when my family has movie night. She will run around, talk loudly and jump on everyone's laps, squeeze their cheeks or poke them lol.

I'm not one who buys the whole "they are babies and don't understand" line b/c I sure know DD understands. BUT the science is pretty clear on why physical behavior modifications don't work. Even if the child at this stage can understand you and have a will separate from you, the part of his brain responsible for controlling his behavior hasn't finished developing yet. IIRC, it develops in the frontal cortex somewhere around 3-4yrs of age. This means, even if he understands, even if he wants to obey, he can't.

So short of hurting him to the point where he develops an emotional aversion, it won't work. And sadly, I know some people who have made such methods work, and it does "work".







But I know you and I know that's not what you are interested in at all.

For me, what has helped is to take DD's meddling as a sign that she needs something. That need might be something new to play with, guidance to a new activity, or _me_. I view it as a break and try to be positive about it b/c I don't want her to pick up on bad emotions from me and get confused or think the bad emotions are directed at her.

If she is really distracting, then the only thing that has worked is to find more support or put the work off until my support is here. (I'm really lucky in that we are close to my family, and she has tons of aunts and uncles willing to play with her. Sometimes we just head over to Grandma's house for the day when I have deadlines).

At this point and with the particular situation, nothing is really going to "work." GD is going to give you a non-violent way to immediately deal with it, but it won't go away b/c that is just how they are at this age.








hope things get better soon for you.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
I'm sorry, mama. I really did have this idea that you were SAH with him alone and working all day.

I'm sure that's my fault, I FEEL like I am SAH alone all day (especially on the stressful days like yesterday!) so that's probably how everyone was misled. I apologize & I'm also sorry for overreacting to everyone's "advice."

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
So short of hurting him to the point where he develops an emotional aversion, it won't work. And sadly, I know some people who have made such methods work, and it does "work".







But I know you and I know that's not what you are interested in at all.

Definitely not. It's really hard on those tough days though, when I know there is one way to "make him behave" (ugh, hate that phrase) -- but I promised myself, & DH & I promised each other, that this is not how we want to parent. That's why I came here, for some moral support I guess, and that's why I felt upset when everyone just said, "Well stop trying to work while you have a 1yo" types of things. I do not want to & will not use physical means to discipline him.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
At this point and with the particular situation, nothing is really going to "work." GD is going to give you a non-violent way to immediately deal with it, but it won't go away b/c that is just how they are at this age.

I really did think there was something I was missing & it's really helpful to know that 1yo's really can't understand to that end. It's OK that nothing will "work," I just have to adjust my expectations, and I might need a little extra support on the tough days!! Thanks


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

1-5pm - Working. Either DH or my sister is here to play with him. He's mostly still in the room with me (though he'll go into the other room with DH more now). He nurses often & we play a bit too. He usually takes a nap & I hold him while he's sleeping.
This desn't really help the how to play question (and as an introvert to an extroverted child I soo struggle in this area as well







) however could it be possible to make that span of time your deffinate set work hours where DH or your sister make sure that he is in another room (minus him cuddling for nap or nursing) it may take some transation but at the very least him spending time with family is NOT abandoning him especially daddy time







and it may help you to have at least one sit block of time thats you can fesiably work uninterrupted. You can take baby breaks of course but have that time as I work in X room alone time.

And am I allowed to say it was a joyful day when my DD TV attention span became long enough noggin would truly entertain her for 15-30 mintues a day






















Deanna


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Montessori has fantastic activities for doing with kids, even young toddlers. I browse through Montessori blogs (check out the thread about doing Montessori with a 15 month old over in the M. forum) and then adapt ideas there for home use. And a lot of them let you kind of start things and then sit there while your LO carries on.

Like we have a coffee can with holes punched in the lid and then you drop q-tips into the can. I can do one or two and then Lina will let me sit and read. I can't leave her (most of the time) but I don't have to do anything but occasionally reach out and drop in a q-tip or open up the can so she can take the q-tips out.

Ditto her basket with a canister of poker chips (you could use a m&m minis container and some quarters).

And stacking blocks.

And beans. Two containers and some beans and she'll scoop back and forth for ages, but I have to put a blanket under her because beans roll so much.

Sitting there at her level holds her interest with the activities for longer, but she doesn't seem to care if I play too, she just wants me to be there.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Oh thank goodness, I just saw that you have another adult there from 1-5.
I, too, was picturing you home alone all day trying to get in 8 hours of work.

You see why we were all freaking out about your situation? How you have things is super-difficult but doable, how we were imagining things would've been impossible!

Here's another thought, any chance that you could do planning work from 8-12 and computer work during the 1-5 period?

If not







: that you can make a plexiglass cover and he doesn't get too miffed that he can't "help" you type! (hmmm, if you get a solution that works well, maybe you could sell the idea to a crafty WAHM for a commission? ooooo, possibilities!)


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Have whoever is there take him out from 1-5 (or part of that). Don't make him sit in the same room all day watching you behind a computer (yes I know, you're very efficient etc but you are still behind a computer all day). It's just not healthy for him.

Have your sister take him to her house. Send him shopping with your DH. Anything to get him out of that zone. You're not 'there' if you're working. You just can't be. Better to have him interested in other things than trying to get your attention.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
Thanks! I tried cartoons once when he was sick (not really a fan of them but I thought I'd try it) but he didn't seem too into them. He has a million toys and he likes the ones that make music so maybe I should keep more of those nearby. I do think he'd like the sand & water







I'm trying to get DH to build him an indoor sandbox!

My kids never got into cartoons (at that age dd would actively ignore them) but they ate up Singing Time... I think most toddlers want to communicate SO badly that they are really receptive.

Good luck!

-Angela


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Ooo, yes, Lina doesn't care about cartoons (well, she did like Charlie and Lola, but they've got singing and act like real people) and adores Signing Time. Big kids, doing stuff for her, and songs?


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

He is in the room with me in the afternoons because he has really bad separation anxiety (since he was born!!) He is better with DH when he's home and might spend some time in other rooms with him, but he's still getting used to my sister and he screams hysterically if I'm not in the room (yes we tried it for more than 10 minutes, and it took me almost an hour to calm him down). I'm not going to push him before he's ready, and I do not believe that it is doing him harm to be in the room while I'm on the computer (no more than when another parent has the TV on or is paying bills or doing laundry or dishes while their kid is in an exersaucer or something).

Thanks for the all the ideas, I'll have to look into Montessori activities etc.!! I'm not crazy about him watching TV so I really would rather not push that... but I think he'd have fun with beans and qtips and all sorts of stuff







Though he might try to eat the beans, they're his favorite food lol so I may have to find bigger objects that don't look edible


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

and I do not believe that it is doing him harm to be in the room while I'm on the computer (no more than when another parent has the TV on or is paying bills or doing laundry or dishes while their kid is in an exersaucer or something).
Oh of course not my thinking was if you could get someone to keep hm out for a streach it could relieve some stress for you and allow you at least one long block set of time during the day to work and when he is with you and your having to deal with the touching and stuff it might not feel so intense and "annoying" KWIM? Of course hearing a baby screaming outside isn't exactly calming... Hopefully that will get better









Deanna


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

What you said in the first post gave me a very different idea of what was going on than the reality. I agree with other people and say distract, and come up with fun stuff to do. Sadly, for toddlers, fun stuff that distracts well is often messy, so keep the vacuum on standby.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

: that he's better with being taken on an adventure with daddy or aunty than you fear. Lina screams her heart out if I leave the apartment, but cheerfully waves goodbye and goes off with dh for a couple of hours. And she'll be totally fine when I leave as long as she doesn't see me go. (Isn't that weird? If she can see me go out the door, instant crying, but if I just vanish dh can tell her I'm in the car and she'll just keep playing.)


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## fbsurvivor (Mar 4, 2010)

I feel for you. I'm a working mom and got to work at home some during my pregnancy. I thought I'd be able to work at home after as well. Out came a very high needs baby that screamed for hours on end. I knew that working at home wasn't going to happen and it was difficult. I had to put my dd in daycare, which I expected but I had a romantic notion that I'd only have to do that part of the time. My mother described having my brother in her office, but a high needs kid is a totally different thing. I agree that you are expecting too much of even a normal toddler, though. In this economy it is so hard. I went through a re-org and there's no way I can work from home. (I edit video and all the media is on a local server.) So, I don't have a choice, really, even if my daughter could handle it.

I wouldn't worry so much about the transition to finding a sitter, though. I would try daycare. My high needs daughter is extremely social and even on weekends my husband and I can't provide her with all of the interaction that she needs. A bunch of kids really helps.

Luckily we've been able to cobble together the money we have and tough it out, not having to do anything drastic like find a job or move, but I worry that the day will come. It is really really hard. No one tells us that before we have a kid we need to be prepared for the possibility of living on one income.


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## fbsurvivor (Mar 4, 2010)

Ok, I read your clarification, so I apologize, but I also thought it was just you from 8-5pm.

I think I've missed some posts, but if he is high needs, then he's got to get out of the house and possibly to some playgroups. High needs means that they need a ton of stimulation.

Also, on the not knowing how to play w/a toddler, I understand that. I often end up just watching my daughter, dumbfounded. You might read the book "Playful Parenting". It is full of stuff. I've also studied the way that my retired school teacher MIL plays with my daughter. Watching someone else has given me lots of ideas. Also, if you try one of classes, like a music class, it will give you ideas.

In addition, whenever possible I give my daugther (17 months), tasks, or have her do things herself. It helps combat their feelings of frustration that they are not in control and they look so proud afterwards. My daughter has to put her bib away after dinner and carry her spoons to the sink. Mind you, there is a ton of guiding involved. She also helps out with laundry and putting away groceries.

Also, have you tried babysmash.com? That might help with the laptop interest. My daughter loves the laptop as well. When we Skype with family members I use another program to lock the keyboard as well. My husband has a similar program on his phone.

Also, if you have a laptop, have you tried working at the park or outdoors somewhere? You mentioned cold weather, so I guess you can't do that right now, but maybe in a couple of months. That would mean he could play with other kids as well.

Working at home with my daughter is a dream, so I am very envious. Today, I'm home sick with daughter in daycare, blah.


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