# Funny worst case scenarios?



## *MamaJen* (Apr 24, 2007)

I'm hoping people can spam me with some funny yet possibly useful, or useful yet possibly funny, parenting survival guide. It's for a magazine article I'm writing. I'm thinking things along the lines of raisins stuck up noses, that kind of thing. What are some worst case scenarios you can think of? Hit me.


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

Like how the worst-case scenario of reading to your kids is that your daughter starts putting bubblegum behind her ear like Violet from 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' and has to get half of her hair cut off due to said gum?

Not that I did that when I was a kid or anything...


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Baby stuck in a cat carrier. Got in but couldn't figure out how to get out.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

Severe diaper blow-out on an airplane. Already used last diaper and forgot to pack a change of clothes (for baby or mama). Plus turbulance.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Toy car put up the exhaust of the real car. If you turn the car on the toy car flies right out! It goes quite far too.


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## Jenne (May 21, 2004)

Blizzard outside. Mom is making fudge. Dad is reading. At some point Mom and Dad realize children are being quiet. Find girl child reading. Can't find boy child. Call boy child's name and begin looking for boy child. Boy child's coat is on the rack. There are no tracks out the front door. Everyone looks and looks. Everyone is getting more and more freaked out as 20, 25, 30, 45 minutes pass without finding boy child. Then on the last look before the authorities will be alerted, boy child pops up from between the wall and couch corner and says, "Boo! I've been here the whole time!" Boy child is hugged and then is allowed to live.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

What's that one about the little kid having a whispered conversation on the phone and the other person can hear sirens and helicopters
"what are they looking for?"
"me!"


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

One day we were at target. my three year old decided to lay down in the middle of the parking lot and have a tantrum. I let go of the cart to scoop her up and the cart with my one year began to roll away. at a pretty good clip I might add. I started to run after the cart but then realized that would leave my three year still in the midst of full blown tantrum laying down in the middle of traffic. Thankfully someone saw me and ran to Lily's rescue.


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## Lollybrat (Sep 18, 2008)

Here's one:

Take a 10 hour drive to family event in another state. On the turnpike Baby has major diaper blowout twice, then throws up (replacing the "new car" smell with the odor of vomit and diarrhea). Find a rest stop and take Baby to the family restroom so Hubby can help with the cleanup. The family restroom is occupied, so have to wait while holding smell Baby, who is dripping from both ends, at arms' length. Get dirty looks from truckers who are grossed out by smelly, dripping Baby. Odor is so bad Hubby throws up instead of helping clean up baby.

Daddy, Mommy, and Baby all get new t-shirts from rest stop's gift shop to replace ruined clothing and commemorate the event. Baby's is a child's small and fits like a dress for several years.


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## GoGoGirl (Oct 13, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lollybrat* 
Here's one:

Take a 10 hour drive to family event in another state. On the turnpike Baby has major diaper blowout twice, then throws up (replacing the "new car" smell with the odor of vomit and diarrhea). Find a rest stop and take Baby to the family restroom so Hubby can help with the cleanup. The family restroom is occupied, so have to wait while holding smell Baby, who is dripping from both ends, at arms' length. Get dirty looks from truckers who are grossed out by smelly, dripping Baby. Odor is so bad Hubby throws up instead of helping clean up baby.

Daddy, Mommy, and Baby all get new t-shirts from rest stop's gift shop to replace ruined clothing and commemorate the event. Baby's is a child's small and fits like a dress for several years.

Thank you, mama, I needed a laugh today!


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## GoGoGirl (Oct 13, 2008)

Funny that so many of these involve bodily functions in situations where you're trapped!

Here's mine...you're flying alone with 1 year old. Baby is fussy, but you're keeping her reasonably quiet. Flight attendant, trying to be helpful, gives baby goldfish crackers, which she's never had before. You try to confiscate them but baby throws a fit, so you give in. Baby eats them, and immediately pukes neon orange gunk. You catch the vomit in both hands, then sit there with two hands full of puke, holding a crying, still puking baby with your elbows. You're alone in the row, so there's no one to beg for help. Baby wipes, so carefully packed, are out of reach in the seat pocket. You try to figure out if you can reach the flight attendant call button with your foot, but it's impossible. Baby's still crying, still puking, now your hands, the baby, your lap, the seat, and the floor are covered in goldfish vomit. Another passenger on the way to the bathroom finally takes pity on you and calls the flight attendant to help clean up.


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## *MamaJen* (Apr 24, 2007)

Thanks, you guys. You're cracking me up. These are great.


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## Tway (Jul 1, 2010)

I just scared DD by laughing out loud. Oh my goodness, those are funny. HA!!!


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Son got stuck in the cat's scratching post with hidey hole. Took me and DH to extract him. Had some carpet burns. Was about to use butter to make itg slippery and if that didn't work, a trip to the ER.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

If your child sticks super glue up her nose, it is not toxic, you do not need to drive all the way to the ER at top speeds. In fact, you do not need to go to the ER at all. HOWEVER, popcorn kernels or anything else stuck in the ear do call for an ER visit.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Oh, and if child throws up ALL OVER the minivan, and it is a rental, you can simply trade it in, even if you did not have the extra insurance, when you use the rental car company we used this past Christmas.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Child learns how to read very young. By about four, child can sound out just about anything.

While shopping with her mother in one of those funky T-shirt stores, child sees a shirt with an unfamiliar word and yells out, "Mom, what does 'virgin' mean?" Store goes completely quiet, mom gives a very hurried answer to her preschooler, and they quickly head for another store.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I forgot the time that my son, who was a toddler then, got stuck in the bathroom because he knocked something over and it wedged against the door. We had to call the fire department. There were no valid windows in there so they could not go through the window. It took a while, but they got him out. Lesson is...never leave anything in the bathroom that is exactly the length from the counter to the door that can be knocked over. In this case, it was a step ladder like thing, one of those little ones with just 2 steps that one of the older children would use to reach the sink (older children are much older now, no longer need it).


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
One day we were at target. my three year old decided to lay down in the middle of the parking lot and have a tantrum. I let go of the cart to scoop her up and the cart with my one year began to roll away. at a pretty good clip I might add. I started to run after the cart but then realized that would leave my three year still in the midst of full blown tantrum laying down in the middle of traffic. Thankfully someone saw me and ran to Lily's rescue.

That must have been scarey!!!

BTW, my family is from your area.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

There are some good ones in that book by a pediatric ER doctor-- _If Your Kid Eats This Book, Everything Will Still Be OK._


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