# How old is too old?



## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I am curious to see how this forum feels about age when breastfeeding in general. Does age matter? If so, what age do you think is too old and why? I am hoping this will open up a healthy discussion that we can all learn from...

1. Any age is too old, I am anti-breastfeeding
2. 6 months or less
3. 6-12 months
4. 1-2 years
5. 2-3 years
6. 3-4 years
7. 4-5 years
8. As long as the child desires, age is just a number and is not important


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## lisamarie (Nov 19, 2001)

I voted for #8~as long as the child/nursling needs/desires. I truly believe in child-led weaning and feel that its best for the nursling to decide when to wean themselves.

Thanks for the poll!

Warmly~

Lisa


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## fishy (Dec 8, 2001)

i truley beleiv ehtat age has littel to nothinhg to do with a childs readiness to wean.
biologically, it has been suggested that children slef wean at a certain weight (either 3 or 4 time birth weight)
if child still needs it, then, well, let child nurse!
jmo


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## simonee (Nov 21, 2001)

I looked for the 16 option.

I draw the line at bf-ing after the prom


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

they won't nurse forever.


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## peacemama (Nov 21, 2001)

I voted for whenever the child wants, too. I got freaked when I saw the results, because I thought someone had voted for anti-bf, then I saw that even 0 votes shows a tiny line!







:


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## Alexander (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by simonee_
*
I draw the line at bf-ing after the prom







*
LOL

I generally think that it is up to the child, but, 8 looks like a max to me. I think it would be tough to find anyone who BFed for this long.

Definately at the end of the distribution curve.

a


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## bluemoon (Dec 17, 2001)

i too voted child led. My old neighbor from thailand said she nirsed till about 7 she remembered coming home from school and nursing!she said she was in the 2nd grade. That seems like such a long time to me but if thats how it happens then so be it!I just hope it doesn't go on that long for us


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I'm so happy to see how many people voted "as long as the child desires/needs". My daughter will be 5 this month and it seems like I increasingly have to be careful with whom I tell, so many people think the nursing should stop at 4 which is strange to me. Why would someone nurse their child "as long as the child wants", then suddenly cut him/her off at 4 simply because 5 "sounds old". If my daughter didn't still need/want to nurse, she simply wouldn't nurse. I don't pressure her to wean and I don't pressure her to continue. I just go with the flow. It's not about food anymore, though she does see "mama milk" as a yummy snack in addition to the comfort.

She will probably be nursing well into her school years as she starts kindergarten next Fall, and that's fine with me. If anyone has any experience with nursing a school-aged child, I'd love to hear from you. If not for advice, at least the comfort of knowing there are others...

I have learned a lot on this wonderful journey of nursing...


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

but is in preK4. No one knows she still nurses at school. She's very well adjusted and parts from me easily. She's very well liked by all the kids and the teachers always tell me how cooperative and well behaved she is.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

I vote for as long as needed. Julia is still nursing a lot at 22-months and I will nurse her as long as she needs it..5, 6, who cares?


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## elainie (Jan 5, 2002)

I voted for as long as child needs to. I nursed my twin dauthters until they were 4 1/2 years old and only weaned because my milk had dried up due to my being pregnant. My son nursed until he was 3 1/2 when my milk dried up again due to pregnancy and I was feeling really irritated when he nursed.
I am now nursing an almost 2 year old and will probably nurse her beyond the age of 4 (she is also really into nursing as were her siblings).


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## mamakarata (Nov 20, 2001)

Well I'll come out and say I voted in the 4-5 year old category, but not as a hard fast rule for everyone, more like a forecast of where I imagine we would end by. Won't really know til I get there I suppose.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

well...at one point she may go away to college...LOL

I have heard that Alaskan Natives will nurse for quite awhile....some even into puberty!! I don't know if that is a part of their society still....







sad how "civilized" society can screw things up...


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## mamakarata (Nov 20, 2001)

So true. Because even though I haven't formed a judgement upon older children nursing, I would probably still be shocked to see a 5 year old nurse, just because I have never seen it! I guess it is what we get used to seeing.

On another thread, I mentioned how I have heard over and over this theory that if a child can ask for it, they are too old to be nursing, and I just shake my head at that logic. Esp when I remember how early my DD was when she started calling me "MaMa"- 6mos! By the time she was 9 mos, she had "bub" (boob) down to a science. And then "sighs" (sides) right behind it when she wanted to switch sides. Thank God I never bought into mainstream logic, because I could have been easily influenced to stop. Sigh (no, not side!)


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## Brandonsmama (Dec 25, 2001)

I voted for #8. My dh used to joke that our ds would probably be asking for "na na" before he went to the prom.














. I admit I began to wonder when he was four and showed no signs of stopping. One day I asked him when he thought we would be done with nursies, and he said when I am five. One day when he was about 4 and 3/4, he said " I think that I am a big boy now, and I am not going to have nursies anymore. " I disregarded it at the time, but guess what? He was done. . .he never asked again. Why is that so bittersweet?


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Firemom_
*Mine is already 5 and missed the Kindergarden deadline but is in preK4. No one knows she still nurses at school. She's very well adjusted and parts from me easily. She's very well liked by all the kids and the teachers always tell me how cooperative and well behaved she is.*
Cindy, I'm glad to see there is someone else out there who knows how it is! I never expect anyone to understand unless they have been there (I just hope), but when someone else understands I am thrilled, and if someone else has actually been there I am *really* thrilled!!

My dd is also very secure, happy and well-liked by kids and adults alike. I know that nursing has something to do with it. It's hard to explain but nursing is more than just breastfeeding.

BTW, I loved your pictures!

Michelle


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## milkgoddess (Dec 12, 2001)

however, I just weaned my dauughter on her 4th birthday, because, I am nuursing her 18 month old sister, and it was just getting to be tooooooooo much! Lizzy( my oldest) would nurse ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!!!! I just could not take it a day longer!

I don't know how long Hannah will nurse for...whenever she wants too I hope(since there will be no more babies







)


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## macdeux (Nov 20, 2001)

I don't care what the child wants, when they're ready for high school, I'm cutting 'im off!


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## elainie (Jan 5, 2002)

It's so true that until you are in that situation you can't make a judgement.
I used to think that my husbands exwife was perverted for nursing her 5 year old until I had my first and nursed for over 4 years. When I was a child my mom had a friend who nursed her 5 year old daughter to sleep at night and I thought it was a little weird until I was in the very same situation. I think nursing shoul be a mutual thing between mother and child with both parties happy about doing it. That said, I will continue to nurse my youngest daughter until she no longer wants to, it is a deeply satisfying experience for both of us.


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Nurse as long as you and your child want to!

The very first LLL meeting I went to I was shocked to see such "big" kids nursing (maybe 14-18 mos.). 5 years later, I was still nursing the baby I was pregnant with at that meeting.

I have 2 "graduates" of extended and tandem nursing, both weaned at about age 5 and are 9.5 and 6 now. I also have a 2.5 year old who is still a very enthusiatic nurser (maybe a little *too* enthusiatic) and although I'd like him to quit nursing at night, I really don't even think about weaning age anymore, although I won't be able to send the nuh-nuh's along with him to college.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

Tigerese:

I've been going to LLL meeting in the Chicago area for 9 years now. I too saw the first older baby nursing at a meeting and thought it a little odd and now I'm nursing a 5 year old.

I've been to meetings in 'Chicago, Buffalo Grove, vernon Hills and Park Ridge and Des Plaines. Have you ever been to any of these?


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Hi Firemom,

It would be funny if we had been staring at the same toddlers, but alas, I have only been to Crystal Lake meetings. My oldest son was born 4/25/92 so these 1st meetings were probably the Feb/Mar. '92 meetings. It never ceases to amaze me how much my perceptions have changed since then, I had every intention of nursing for a year, but if anyone would have told me I would be nursing a 5 yo. simultaneously with a 1.5 yo. I probably would have fainted. I will never forget the wonderful support and dedication of those LLL leaders that helped me through those first difficult months. They've all retired now, but they were absolute gems!

Do you live in the city or are you in the 'burbs? Do you still attend LLL meetings? I know lots of leaders, mostly McHenry County but I also have met some from Lake.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

ParkRidge and Niles.

I started out at the Buffalo Grove meetings in Feb 93. I went out there, because my best friend was nursing a baby and it gave us a chance to get together at meetings and go to dinner and stuff.

I would never beleive that Iwould be nursing a 5 year old either, I thought it was ok for other people but not for me. How times change


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

We spent lots of long days and nights at Lutheran General when my youngest had a valvuloplasy to correct pulmonary valve stenosis. They are not my fondest memories of Park Ridge, but probably the most time I've spent there. I was really glad for that Portillos across the street. Really helped me survive that week.

I also had a good friend in BG, but she would not have been at any LLL meetings. I think she has nearly passed out any time she'd seen me nurse one of mine past a year!


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

Both of my kids were born at Lutheran General. The Yacktman Pediatric Center is one of the best.

My kids ped is in that building


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

I pcked the last one, but wish there had been mention of "for as long as both mother/child want too." I want him to be done when he's about three and am very very very gently prodding him in that direction. That said, I think it's fine when kids nurse for a very long time! I would never "wean" ds but am no longer bringing it up in convo with him, either!


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## copslass (Apr 19, 2003)

Cindy and Tigeresse,
You just reminded me of how shocked I was at my first (lame, hospital) birth class to hear the instructor proudly announce that she had nursed her child for 18 months! LOL
I am happy to see a child of any age nursing.
My personal limit was 3.5 years, I encouraged weaning at that time.
Can't imagine doing that again.
As long as everyone's happy!!!
Happy nursing,
Tracy


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## Wildflower (Nov 25, 2001)

I voted for child-led, and its so wonderful to hear from all you moms nursing past age 4-5. I was wondering if any of you would mind sharing how you resond when someone asks about it, especially if you suspect they might disapprove, because wouldn't it be awful if your nursling heard their weird vibes and felt self-conscious about it? I'm curious because the grandmother of my 5 month old made a comment along the lines of 'too old to nurse after she can ask for it .' maybe I'll start a thread about it sometime...I plan to nurse super long term, would like to protect dd against other's bad attitudes about it...


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

I too, was so happy to see all the women here that support child led weaning









Then again Mothering naturally is an AP, breastfeeding, cosleeping site, so that's probably why we all gravitated to this site in the first place, to meet like minds









Any way, Wildflower, in answer to your question, I stopped announcing I was still nursing my dd when she was around 3 years old, for the reason you stated. It made her feel bad, and like it was wrong for her to nurse. I always had to reassure her, that it was ok and that those people didn't know any better.

I have no problem, even now that I.m nursing her at 5 + years talking about it without my dd around. I rattle off all then benefits and let them know that I understand their feelings about EN because of the fact that in the US we tend to thing of bottles and formula and if someone does nurse many many people think that babies should be weaned around 6 months. The formula companies with all their advertising imbed this into the american mind. Some people really listen to me others just think I.'m weird. But, I figure if I can get a few of those people to nurse their babies I did a good job!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I haven't had any problems with anyone voicing their opinion in front of dd. The topic of Extended Nursing usually doesn't come up but if it does I usually just say that it works for us, that I don't offer and I don't refuse so she wouldn't be nursing if she didn't need it. Nobody has challenged me on that so far. There is always a little worry in me regarding somebody misunderstanding enough to report it to child-protective-services (such as in the Chicago case) so I don't talk about EN as much as I would like to. I think if somebody said something negative about it in front of dd I would take the opportunity to talk with her about it just as I have about prejudism and ignorance.


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## Raven1 (Dec 4, 2001)

I also think that ideally, mention should have been made of the mother's wishes in that poll! (Which is why I usually refuse to respond to polls; cut and paste answers which don't fully express/reflect my views








I know that after 2 yrs or so, I am getting ready to be done with it (and not just bf, but with the "24/7", always in top demand stuff







Of course, older kids are 24/7 as well, but in different ways. I just get ready to have a wee bit more time and space to myself after those early yrs of AP(which I love and wouldn't change, btw








And that factor is very important in the process, imo; it is NOT just about "letting" the child bf "as long as they want",(as if we are doormats or martyrs to our children!) but about the evolution from infancy/new motherhood to toddler/getting antsy motherhood and beyond. I mean, even a mother dog or cat will start to stand up and walk away when the "kids" want to/are nursing; but only as they get older/she gets near to being done with it.
JMO/Exp. Kimberly, mom to Forest, 9 and Lily, 2


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## jenoline (Nov 25, 2001)

Well, I voted for 4-5 years, but mainly because of the issue that Wildflower mentioned. While I don't personally believe that there is anything wrong with nursing as long as mother/child are both comfortable with it, I would worry about cultural "backlash". ..About the child hearing things that would make him/her think nursing at that age is "wrong". Know what I mean?

That being said, I think it's pretty cool that so many of you have nursed your children that long. I'm not sure how long I'll nurse DD...I imagine it will be until she 3ish (that's when I picture her "outgrowing it"), or until the next baby comes along. But who knows, maybe I'll end up nursing much longer!


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

It's nice to hear when a mainstream organization backs it up also....if you go to the American Academy of Pediatrics web site (www.aap.org ????Not sure) and read an article called "Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk" the AAP recommends nursing for at least one year and as long afterward as is mutually desired by mother and child.


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## Mcaws (Nov 20, 2001)

I have read all the above comments and am apparently the only one here who thinks nursing until 2 (which is what I did) is a good thing. I have not been in any other situation, and as stated, won't know until I've been there. I hope that you all could celebrate the little increases that the general populus (like the above mentioned child birth instructor nursing until 18 months) goes through. Just think what would happen in our society if all hospitals encouraged nursing until 18 months! Not long by child-lead-weaning standards, but a definite improvement!

I have no opinion at the moment, and am open still, but am curious about husbands...mine said the other night after I read him a post about a nursing 3 yr old, "not THAT'S going JUST TOO FAR!"

What if this baby (due July 4) wants to nurse till 3?

He then asked "when do child protective services intervene???" I was shocked to hear that from him, but then I probably shouldn't have been. He expected me to quit bf at age 1 if I even nursed past 6 months! I educated him and at age 1 he began pressuring me terribly until I nursed in secret and cried buckets at night when he questioned me...Finally I told him since we thought we would never have any more kids that he just COULDN'T demand the severing of this precious bond which we felt. I








Finally he "gave in" and said if I really felt that strongly, it was ok with him as long as I didn't announce it to his family...easy enough since we live in Germany!

Anyway, that's my story and I'd love to hear others' stories about husbands...

[email protected] is my email if you would rather privacy.

thanks in advance for sharing...


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

mcaww, what a difficult situation you are in. I won't say how I feel about your dh, but I will post a bunch of links below (hope I can do this w/Mothering's OK) in hopes that you can convince dh to sit down and read them. If he can't learn by trusting your maternal instincts and your child's instinctive needs, maybe he can learn from the info provided in the links...

http://www.mothering.com/ (Click "Article" on left side, under Breastfeeding click "Weaning", then click article "To Wean or Not to Wean: Who Says When is Enough?") This is worth the treasure hunt!

http://www.bestfed.com/breastfeeding/10reasons.htm

http://www.prairienet.org/laleche/detwean.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2001/05/06/ma...06NURSING.html

http://www.lalecheleague.org/LawExtended.html

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/P...72/wylang.html

http://www.breastfeeding.com

http://www.healthsurfing.com/health/2001/04/23/

http://www.kellymom.com/ebf-benefits.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bfhelp.html#criticism

http://216.167.14.128/reading_room/wean.html

http://216.167.14.128/all_about/all_about_iq.html

I agree that society is slowly progressing toward pro-breastfeeding (at least for the first year) and to encourage breastfeeding even until 18 months would be a positive step in the right direction. I think nursing until 2 is a very good thing, but nursing an indefinite length of time until the child is ready to self-wean is even better IMO.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

I think a lot of women nursing older children had those same feelings, of I will never do that. I was one of them. I thought 18-24 months was a good goal and had no intention of going past that age. My dh is not so supportive of me nursing my dd at 5 years, but doesn't really say to much. After all she only nurses about 5 minutes or less a day now.

its hard to imagine something you've never done. I can't imagine nursing my son as long as I've nursed my dd./ He weaned earlier.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

My dd is not allowed to wean until she has evened me up again! I was perfectly symmetrical before her, but she favours one side. I don't care if it takes until she's adult - I will be level again. lol!!!


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

LOL Irishmommy! BTW, I wonder who thought on to two years was too old? Not that I am flaming anyone, just wanted to know the reasoning behind that lone vote...


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## Precious (Jan 23, 2002)

Well, I'm one of those 3 who voted 2-3 years. My daughter is 2 tomorrow and I was planning on that being her last day. We are an AP, BFing, Co-sleeping family. I was extremely surprised how many women are BF at 5 years (nothing wrong with it, just not for me). I have allowed myself (not blaming anyone) to feel bad about my decision of stopping tomorrow. I will continue with that decision because I know it is right for me, I know my daughter would like me to continue but it has to be mutally acceptable, and although I enjoy the closeness, my nipples simply do not want to be stimulated anymore, they are not sore or irritated, just antsy.

I really feel that a child should be nursed until one at least but two is even better but when a friend of mine said she was probably going to stop at 18 months it never entered my mine to talk her into going until 2. I told her whatever she decided, she has already done an excellent job going this far.

Breastfeeding has come such a long way and according to the popular vote on this web still has a way to go in socially accepted the "5 year old" being nursed.

In the meantime, please encorage anyone who breastfeeds at all! no matter what the length. I know a few people who said they had no intention of BF at all. I'm saddened that, that kind of thinking still exists.

I just wanted to clarify that nobody on this thread "Flamed" anyone regarding stopping before the child wants to, but maybe try to encourage the baby steps (no pun intended) of BF for 1 or 2 years because those steps will undoubtedly lead to BF at 4 and 5 years being more socially accepted.

My original question that I came to this site to seek help with was "How much damage am I doing to my child by parent weaning her" I get the feeling though the concensus from the majority would be "Alot".

I hope I haven't come across "hostile" that was absolutely not my intention.


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## lisamarie (Nov 19, 2001)

Precious~

Your thoughts and comments are welcomed and I think your comments were not "hostile" at all.

Everyone here, I think, truly tries to do what's best for their children and family. I am so proud of everyone here for nursing their kids for so long.









Warmly~









Lisa


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

I am not parent weaning ds, really, but really want him to be done when he is three and am utilizing distraction and don't ask don't refuse.

You have given your child a gift and in no way are damaging her by ending the nursing relationship!!! Don't feel that way, please. I am sure ds will still be nursing past 3 but the fact that I hope not does not make me not AP enough. Dr. Sears even said so!!

You are fine. I am sure you are a gentle mama and your choice is yours. I doubt many women here think you haven't done enough, especially since you are so open to doing more! You are right, baby steps. Defeating the formula industry will not happen by preaching alone! We all have to fight the power in SO many ways.

Hope this made sense.


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## Precious (Jan 23, 2002)

Mamapie:

It made loads of sense. Thanks for your support. I really appreciate it.


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## Raven1 (Dec 4, 2001)

Precious, I hear you on the "antsy" thing, lol! BTDT (twice). I don't think there is anything wrong with being ready to be done bf at age 2, but I worry when I read you stating that you have decided that her birthday will be "the last day!" Have you, uh, "consulted" her on this







When I say I worry, it is not so much for her (tho' it will likely be a difficult transition done so suddenly; more difficult than it would have to be if done more gradually at this age, imo) but for YOU!
Girl, you are in for it. Trying to set an arbitrary date and enforce it unilaterally on such a sensitive and accepted issue is bound to result in a strong backlash by dd! I mean, she has bf her WHOLE LIFE, and all of a sudden, "okay, we're done. No more. You're a big girl now, mommy is tired of it."
JMO, but for both your sakes, allow a wee bit more flexibility on this one; perhaps START the process on bd#2, and gradually reduce to once a day/night, making it the special/only time. After a while, she will be more willing and able to surrender this very important part of your relationship completely, but she will likely resist with all her might if the rug is just yanked out from under her!
No offense intended(just one bf mom to another







Best wishes! Kimberly, mom to Forest, 9 (bf for 4 yrs) and Lily, 2(still at it)


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## Precious (Jan 23, 2002)

Raven 1:

Thank you for your concern, sorry, I was never clear on how I was parent weaning. For the last 3 months, we stopped nursing after about 7:00pm until 6:00am, so bascially no night nursing. Then for the last month, we would only nurse once during the day, she would ask for it more than once though throughout the day! So at the end of that month of daily nursing was her birthday (last Saturday), we stopped then. My breasts have had absolutely no problem, no engorement, I'm surprised I still have milk a week later, (I'm not clear when it should dry up). My daughter has had a couple of wicked temper tantrum since stopping bf (not related to being tired or hungry). Prior to stopping bf, she had experienced maybe 2 or 3, so I don't know if it's just terrible twos or bf related. Although Dr. Sears does say he does not see the "normal" terrible twos in children who are child weaned.

Anyway, I'm starting to wonder about changing my mind and starting up again quickly before the milk is gone. Tough decision.

I'll post which way I swing.







:


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## Chelsea (Dec 22, 2001)

Just thought I would offer a perspective from the other side. My mother nursed me for 4 years. My aunt nursed her first for almost 6 years. My cousin and I are both happy, well adjusted people, and very into the benefits of nursing. My son nursed for 3 + years, and my daughter is now 2 and still plugging away. I often think that one of the enduring benefits of extended nursing is in raising a child who will most likely grow up to support nursing, and/ or nurse her own children...

- Chelsea


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Chelsea, that's wonderful!! Thank you for sharing your experience with us!


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## dotcommama (Dec 30, 2001)

First - I had still had milk a year after I weaned my ds - so ya never know when it will dry up.

Second - I feel that child led weaning is wonderful when both mom and child are happy and comfortable with the arrangement. However, if mom continues bfing but resents it or can't stand it then I think it would be far better to wean. (I'm not saying anyone here is like that - I don't want anyone to read this as an attack), just my personal experience.

I weaned my first ds when he was 18 mos b/c I was personally going through a tough time in my life (not related to bfing - just personal issues) and I was so mentally and physically drained at the time that nursing was a burden and not a joy anymore. I felt that nursing my son while thinking the whole time I wish you would stop - ugh! when will this end, etc. . . was worse than weaning him. If he were to remember our bfing experience I would want him to remember me loving stroking his hair while he nursed or me smiling at him. NOT mom looking tense, uncomfortable and annoyed.

I am now nursing my 19 mos old second child. So far we are both still happily nursing. However I want to get pregnant again some time after he turns 2 and I don't feel I could handle nursing and being pregnant - so I am thinking of gradually weaning after he turns 2. I don't feel guilty about this - it is simply what works for me.

I think it is important to nurse for the first year. Beyond that, I think bfing is a very intimate and personal experience. Each nursing pair is going to have a different feeling about when the right time to wean is and this is okay. If nursing a 5 or 6 year old is working for you and the nursling that is wonderful, but if it doesn't last that long you are not a failure or a bad mother. KWIM?


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## Greenfrogs (Jan 18, 2002)

I laughed about the comments that once a child can ask for nursing you should wean. This morning my 23 month old, who especially loves morning nursing said when he was finished "Thank you, mama, nursy" and was ready to start the day.


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## Precious (Jan 23, 2002)

I think I have found what works best for my daughter and I.







Since I stopped nursing about 2 weeks ago, I have "given" in about 6 times and let her nurse. She loved it, I found I wasn't antsy about it, I guess because it's not as often now. Although, I am very affectionate and co-sleep with my daughter, I think we were both missing the closeness that nursing can bring.

I feel I could easily do this until she's ready to stop completely, so in essence, I guess what I'll be doing, is just taking a really long time weaning her.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)




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## Raven1 (Dec 4, 2001)

Precious, Oh, good! I'm glad I misunderstood your plan of action there, lol! I was picturing both of you having a REALLY hard time! DD and I are sort of at that place now; I sometimes don't feel like nursing, and she sometimes gets upset with me, and frquency is down to maybe 4 or so times a day/night.
I'll continue to let her nurse some as long as she wants to(probbaly







but I agree; it's a very personal and -mutual issue. Best wishes! Kimberly


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## Millie Ivy (Dec 8, 2001)

I didn't vote. I am somewhere between 4-5 and whenever she wants. I do believe in child led weaning. Addie is 9 mos and I am pregnant, so I will be tandem nursing for a long time. I gues I just see her growing out of it by 4 or so. But if she needs it longer I will definitely be there for her. (and I am homeschooling someday so I don't have to worry about kindergarten!!!)


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## m&m (Nov 20, 2001)

Well, I voted 4 or 5, but after reading the comments I guess I would be ok with longer if the child needed it.

After all, many parents feel that it is perfectly fine for their children to have a blanket, suck their thumbs, cuddle a stuffed animal, or whatever up until college even - the need for security is so high for many kids - mostly non bf kids. Those that can bf for as long as they wish do seem to be more secure as teens.

Alas, I gradually weaned my dd1 (at 22 months) when I was pg with dd2. Health concerns, etc. for me - it took 2 months, and went fine until she got a cold, but I had dried up, so that was it. When my milk came in again I gave her the option of starting again, but she said that I was being silly, that it was for babies - but wanted some squirted on her finger to taste. Can you believe it? Only 7 months later and she could not even imagine nursing again!

She is not at all jealous of her baby sister either - so things went fine. This new baby will nurse until I get pregnant again, around 3 or so. Yes, I know many women tandem nurse, and others nurse while pg - but they can - My body has never been strong - I have some blood issues that make me faint a lot - and I only have enough energy for two, not three. Hopefully I will never have twins.

I can honestly say that I have NEVER seen a child past 3 breastfeeding. I don't know anyone who has either - Here it seems that if you bf past 6 months it is extended bf. so sad.


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## Raven1 (Dec 4, 2001)

Bella Babe, we're a homeschooling/unschooling family, too!








Nice ta meetcha








Actually, my so was at a daycare with me from 18 mths to 5 yrs, but his naptime nurse was never an issue there; lots of "alternative" practices and very tolerant atmosphere(even among the kids!)
Just wanted to say HI! Kimberly, mom to Forest, 10 next mth, and Lily, 2


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## jazzymom1999 (Jan 26, 2002)

I just wanted to add that sometimes there are mixed feelings about nursing, but that isn't necessarily a reason to wean. Sometimes these are just phases - a new pregnancy, no support, etc, that we can eventually work through. I don't think you can say that it is better for the child to wean, if you are feeling any resentment or mixed feelings. My favorite piece of advice, is just when you think you can't take it anymore, it goes away.

Which I am definitely trying to listen to myself, as my 2.5 yr dd fights when we dress her and prefers to run around nude - (not PT).

Also, I wanted to post a funny comment by my mother. When I told her that Sami could possibly nurse until 5 or more years, her response was, "What is she going to do when all the other kids eat at school? Run home to nurse?"








I think most people truly don't understand what EN involves.


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## WickidaWitch (Feb 16, 2002)

I couldnt vote for some reason.
For me, I would like to the begining of the end to start after Jonathan is one. I never expected that I would even last this long and I would like to get some of my life back.
If Jonathan doesnt allow us to slowly quit I won't make him though.
I do think though that if you and baby want to BF longer than that, More power to you!!!
Tammi


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## Teensy (Feb 22, 2002)

I voted between 3 and 4 years old.

I feel the same way about bottles, diapers, and pacifiers. If a (otherwise normal, healthy) child is still using them at age three, then the parent should begin weaning the child so that by age four he no longer nurses, drinks from a bottle, uses a pacifier or wears diapers. These things are appropriate for babies, but a child of four should be learning tools that eventually lead to independence.

I am curious, since the poll stopped naming certain ages, how old is too old? 6? 7? 8? 9? 10? 11? 12? What if a 12 year old IS still expressing a desire to BF? Is that too old? Is there any age at which you think "too old!" Or no?


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Teensy_
*
If a (otherwise normal, healthy) child is still using them at age three, then the parent should begin weaning the child so that by age four he no longer nurses, drinks from a bottle, uses a pacifier or wears diapers. These things are appropriate for babies, but a child of four should be learning tools that eventually lead to independence.
*
Teensy, I guess the best way for me to approach this is to simply ask you to back your position with reasons *why* you feel this way? What proof do you have that makes your reasoning valid (and "because society says so" isn't sufficient enough reason for me...I want to know reasons *why* w/back-up)? If the child is still needing (or even wanting) to nurse (or wear diapers etc) then isn't that proof enough that the child isn't ready to wean (or potty train, etc)? Society pushes children to grow up so fast that they don't even get a chance to be children ("only babies wear diapers, nursing is for babies, big kids sleep in their own beds", etc. etc), they are forced to become little grown-ups that live with their parents for 18+ years (KWIM?)! They have plenty of time to grow up on *their* own time, we don't have to push them to be independent, they'll do it themselves when they really *grow up* and *want* independence.

Quote:

_Originally posted by Teensy_
*
I am curious, since the poll stopped naming certain ages, how old is too old? 6? 7? 8? 9? 10? 11? 12? What if a 12 year old IS still expressing a desire to BF? Is that too old? Is there any age at which you think "too old!" Or no?*
Actually I myself see any age as appropriate as long as the child still needs/wants to nurse (you can't *make* a child nurse)...I don't care what the numerical age is. I know mothers who are nursing at 7-8yrs and I see nothing wrong with it, it's natural. What society sees as "normal" and what is naturally humanly normal is not the same, especially when it comes to nursing! Read some Katherine Dettwyler (sp?) and you'll see just how much you don't know!

I stopped the poll at age 5 because that seems to be the point where many people, even proclaimed child-led-weaners, draw the line. So I assumed that those parents who were ok with over age 5 were okay with any numerical age (true child-led weaning). Anyone can correct me if my assumption is wrong. I know mothers who are nursing beyond 5yrs so I didn't intend 5yrs to look like "the limit".

Michelle

(edited to change "self-weaning" to "child-led weaning", it was late







)


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

Gentle and to the point Mother Sunshine.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

Now that she is not nursing, will she be independent? As far as I can see nursing has nothing to do with her independence. She's been a very opinated and independent girl for along time now. She stopped nursing last week. She is now 5.4 years old. the only thing different about her right now is that she no longer nurses before bed.

As far as diapers. She has been dry during the day since she was 2 1/2 years old, but continues to wear pull-ups at night. She's soaked in the morning, and everything I've read about bedwetting and what my doctor has said, tells me that this is just as normal as kids who are dry at night.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but now that I've nursed so long I'm very tolerant of others who nurse much longer than I did.


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## DebAdams (Mar 6, 2002)

While I plan to let my 20 month lead the way on when to stop... I would honestly like to stop after he is 2 yrs. I love to breatfeed but it does have it inconvience sometimes...







Standing in the checkout line trying to get your wallet out of your purse while your little one is tuging on your shirt yelling Ba, Ba!







:

We joke that we will telling our 3rd grader... Now Jaden the other mommies dont come in and feed their kids do they?


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## Precious (Jan 23, 2002)

Well, guess who's back to full time nursing (except through the night). My daughter kept asking me for it, and she would ask so sweetly - Doo Doo? When I first stopped, she started to use a pacifier we had hanging around the house, she NEVER used them since the day she was born (although we tried to get her to). So that made me start to think that she really needs the BF and I really do believe that she knows what's best for herself, most of the time. (Obviously, not when it comes to safety).

I'm going to let her lead the weaning now, (just hope it's before she starts school)









I don't know if this should be in another thread elsewhere but I'll ask anyhow.

Does the calcium issue play a part in anybody's decision to wean or not to wean?

That was also a factor in my deciding in continue with the nursing.

We are not big on cow's milk, I eat some feta, yogurt, but nothing in excess. It doesn't make sense to me to stop giving her my milk just to turn around and give her a cow's milk.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

My daugter nursed for almost 51/2 years and has never drank cows milk. She will still get the calcium from your milk and you can over cheese and yogurt and leafy greens


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## Precious (Jan 23, 2002)

Firemom:

I'm curious, if I may ask, does your daughter drink cow's milk now that she is weaned?

To clarify, I wasn't afraid that my daughter would not get enough calcium from my milk, I'm confident that she will. I was worried that if I stopped nursing, would she THEN get enough from the foods that she ate.

But it's not really an issure now, because I am continuing to nurse but it will be an issue in the future, hence, my reason for asking the above question.

Thanks.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

No, she still won't drink cows milk. She will have it in her cereal or in any dishes I may prepare with milk. My son doesn't drink much either. Only in school with his school lunches.

I do offer both of them chocolate soy milk once a day. They like cheese, mac and cheese, ice cream and yogurt. My son will also drink calcium fortified OJ. My daugther also loves leafy greens which have calcium.

Their ped knows they don't drink milk, but is satisfied with their diets that get enough calcium


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## Precious (Jan 23, 2002)

That sounds good, thanks for the reply.

Marie


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## sanna (Feb 22, 2002)

Not quite as die-hard as you all are, although it's quite an accomplishment what you all are doing!

For me, I nursed my ds until 2 1/2, my milk dried up (pregnant), and he self-weaned. I wish that it could have been longer for us. With dd now, she is 27 months and weaned at night. But she is lusty for it during the day! And she is a BIG girl, easily 3 year size.

I have to admit.. after 5 years of combined nursing, I am ready for some peace. I find my nipples not being so thrilled. Yu know that feeling when you are pregnant and trying to nurse.. Not so great. But, I am not pregnant, it is just that I feel done.

Well, convince my dd of that.. I am trying to work with it all though. Don't put to much negative emotion out for it. But, you know how Mama cat starts to bite and claw her kittens when enough is enough? That's kind of how I feel, minus the claws!


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

sanna, I feel like that sometimes, the cat thing. I am getting nowhere weaning ds though. He is 32 months now. I guess it's for the better.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I voted for as long as the child desires, although I suppose if dd were still nursing by first grade, I would take steps toward weaning.


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## Ruth (Nov 19, 2001)

"Alaskan Natives will nurse for quite awhile....some even into puberty!!"

No way, Abimommy? Really? I think then that that is going to be me and my dd. I am nursing my 4.2-year-old (4.2 is the worldwide average for weaning) and she doesn't even know that one day she won't nurse.

I read that in the non-human animal world animals nurse their young between 4 to 7 human years.

Power to all of you who believe in baby-, uh, child-led weaning.


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## Threefold (Nov 27, 2001)

My heart wanted me to vote, as long as the child desires, but I decided to be honest, so I voted 4-5 years. 4 feels fine, but after having taught kindergarten for 4 years before ds, I just can't see bf'ing a 5 year old. Who knows, I may change my mind by the time ds gets there! I know I'm in no rush to stop and neither is he


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

Well my mind is changing since my first post in this thread. Spanky is getting nearer and nearer to three, and the idea of forcing him to wean is getting harder to fathom. He is healthy and happy and turning into such a sweet little boy. Why would I do anything like wean him? We will see how I feel in a few months, but you ladies need to know you are a very good influence on the world....


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## Ruth (Nov 19, 2001)

Mamapie, I changed my mind several times in the last years too.

First when I was pregnant I read that women should nurse at three months (yes I was reading the WRONG things.) Then I learned that the American Pediatric Society recommended one year and I said OK I will do that. Then I read that the World Health Organization recommended 2 years and that the American Pediatric Society changed their recommendation to 2 years. I can do that. Then La Leche League told me that that the average age was 4.2 and that non-human animals nurse 4-7 years.

Now I changed my mind again, thanks to Abimommy and to the rest of you who say that prom is a good time to stop.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I remember when my daughter was nursing at 2yrs I had only one friend who was nursing her dd at 2 also, everyone else either didn't BF or weaned early, so we felt like our dd's were "so old"! My friend and I had talked about how long we would nurse and we both had planned on our dd's weaning at 2yrs...well, she weaned her dd at 2 like she had planned, but dd and I kept going (I actually believed she would magically wean herself at the age of 2!). I remember being heartbroken when my friend told me she weaned dd, I felt so alone! She told me about someone she knew who nursed until 4yrs and we both thought that was crazy.

So...here we are nursing at 5yrs! :LOL

I am just SO GLAD I let dd (and my heart & instincts) lead the way. I recently talked with her about one day not wanting to nurse anymore...a gentle hint hint (but definitely not a push, I just wanted to throw the idea out there to see what she would say) and her response was "No way Mama!" and she got tears in her eyes. She loves nursing and I am absolutely 100% okay and supportive with that. I am a teacher (though I have put my career on hold for the past 5 yrs) and I never would have fathomed the idea of any of the students breastfeeding, but I also wasn't a mother at that time. Situations (and opinions) adapt. It's one day (or year) at a time...


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

It's funny how we think the same mother sunshine. I figured I nurse until my dd was 18-24 months. I just thought at 2 she'd be done just like that. Mine has been weaning. I thought she weaned, but she's nursed already a few times this month and is 51/2 years old


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## Threefold (Nov 27, 2001)

I've been thinking about this since I posted last night and I think I've changed my mind too. . .
ds will know when it's time to stop, I feel like we're gonna have to go underground when he's 3 though







.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Now if only we all lived in the same town


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I know that NIP is legal anywhere for an infant, but what about a toddler? A preschooler? A grade school child? Does anyone know what the laws are there?


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

Oh oh oh I know how you feel about going underground dalai mama. I can take the heat from people about how I am nursing too long, all the criticism, but the baby is starting to understand what people say, and I don't want his self esteem damaged by the 'well meaning' mainstream.


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## TupeloHoney (Apr 14, 2002)

I voted 4-5 years

However, I have no problem with nursing longer if that is what both the mother and child would like. I would just like dd to be done nursing by the time she goes to school, but the whole "school" thing is still up in the air, so who knows.

Side note: It is funny how much being a parent has changed my opinions on these things. When I first found out I was pg, my goal was to nurse for 6 months. I also went shopping for a beautiful crib and dresser set, which my mother and brother generously purchased for us. I had many ideas about parenting, then dd was born. She has never once slept in that lovely crib. Once she reached 6 months, I had read enough about nursing (and formula) to know that since I was lucky enough to have an adequate milk supply, why not nurse until a year. Now that my nursling is 1, I continue to reserve the right to banish any preconceived notions common society has drilled into my head and change my mind yet again. I have been able to AP parent while working full-time and dd hasn't had to go to daycare yet, but that day may be coming.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder where that woman came from.

Sorry if this got long and way off topic.


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## Threefold (Nov 27, 2001)

yea, mamapie, I hear you. When people suggest that we should stop nursing, I whisper in his ear that that is just not true and he should nurse for as long as he likes (he is 15 months now and I am sure understands much more than we think), sometimes I say it out loud to him in front of that person. We haven't gotten many comments yet, but I am sure they will increase as he gets older. Most of the comments we've gotten come from extended family







.


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## Ruth (Nov 19, 2001)

Good for you the_dalai_mama for changing your mind.

Greaseball, I looked up Texas law and it says "infant" and "baby." There is a U.S. Supreme Court case (that would trump any state law) but I haven't read it yet. However, today I purchased a children's book called For Every Child by UNICEF and it has the entire United Natios Convention on the Rights of the Child at the back. Article 24: Health and Health Services says that countries shall ... take appropriate measures ... to ensure that all segments of society, in particular parents and children, are informed, have access to educationa nd are supported in the use of basic knowledge of child health and nutrition, the advantages of breast-feeding, ... Of course, Treaties to which the U.S. is a party trump U.S. Supreme Court law. (The question is is U.S. a party?)

P.S. I believe there is a god-given (or nature-given) right to nurse your offspring past infancy or babyhood. If I am right, this trumps ANY LAW ANYWHERE.

P.P.S. Most of the negative comments come from family members even those that claim to be supportive. Last time my mom saw me nursing my 4-year-old she said, "She is bigger than you are." I laughed and said, "She isn't bigger than me and even if she was ten times bigger, I would still nurse her." My dd giggled imagining me nursing a 1,500 pound 4 year old.


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## Shulammite (Apr 15, 2002)

I voted for 5 years, I think because I have relatively mainstream ideas about what "5 year olds" are and do _in this society_.

In this society, children do a lot of separating around 5. Yes, in lots of houses (like, ahem, mine) there is an enormous degree of attachment (like my 9 y.o. occasional co-sleeper, for example) and I realize that a lot of you are probably homeschool/unschool families. But for the most part, children _in this society_ go off to school and start a separate little life around age five. And their peers become important to them, modelling their peers becomes paramount. In this society, a 5 y.o. 's peers are very concerned with "not being a baby." Not because their horrible parents have made them think babies are bad. Because in all societies there are rites of passage from stage to stage, and all people have the right to revel in whatever milestone they've achieved. 5 year olds are no longer babies, _by thier own estimation_ . We may believe (and I do, just to clarify!) that nursing is good for older children _as well_ , but I think we can all concur that nursing is _definitely_ for babies.

But to be completely honest, I really wanted to vote for "as long as both Mama and child want to." It's important that a 2 person nursing relationship never becomes a 1 person dictatorship. If either person, Mama OR baby, really doesn't want to continue, they need to work that out for both of them. I nursed my first son for 2 years, until I was pg; my second son I weaned at 3 because I had really reached that scratching-cat stage, and I didn't like how nursing made us feel adversarial.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

What I don't understand is all those people who say "It's not nutritionally necessary!" Well, soda isn't nutritionally necessary for me, but I'll sure have one whenever I want! Even in the middle of the night!


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## ni nity (Nov 24, 2001)

I am very much for child led weaning,when my son is done thats totally up to him


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## sarenka (Mar 29, 2002)

I voted for child-led, but I think in my heart I agree with what Shulamite says....which leaves my daughter 6 months to go!!
I was quite decided to stop a year or so ago, feeling burnt out, but as some wise woman said here, that moment is when it all clears up. Now nursing doesn't bother me in the slightest. I hardly notice it, for me the cuddling and sleeping are what matters. Having said that, my dd is so much healthier than the other kids in playgroup, and I think it's to do with the milk.
I have a friend (well ex friend actually) who was a flag waver for AP (in France!!) and nursed her child for 4 years, then had a complete turnaround, felt that she had ignored her own needs for all that time and "for nothing" as her child kept getting infections, wasn't perfectly emotionally balanced, etc (no wonder, with all that frustration and repression picked up from her mother) and her second baby was on formula at six months! Bizarre isn't it.....
not making any points, this just made me think.


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## nanikisses (Apr 14, 2002)

I voted for child led weaning.

I too would bf until 5+ yrs. old,
although my kids only averaged 1.5-2 yrs, mostly because
we didn't get so far as tandem nursing, I was usually pregnant
by 1 yr old or so, even with all the AP, they would wean on their own~~ I just got my periods right away also, call me a fertile mama!

My oldest was the most avid nurser but I think she finally just
stopped on her own and decided she was done at 2.

My youngest now is almost 8 mos. and right now she nurses as much as a newborn! So I plunk her on & get to surf while she's
nipping and napping....
I think she may nurse for longer since she's our last, I certainly hope so.

I still get weird looks and inquries, heck even my midwife who is a ND (she is great, bless her heart) had the notion that they need the iron that will come w/solid foods.....it's amazing, I think we are so conditioned socially to this idea.....I just shake my head in pity quietly to myself, what they can miss ..
but I've made such a proclomation in all my family, ext. family & friends about how BF is best! No question no doubt, and it's sad, because mostly the attitude is ' that's great, it's good' but I choose to do something else'. Even with my grandparents who are from a 3rd world country!
I don't care, bf moms 'do it anywhere'.

I used to make it into a joke & it even made people see the long-term of it, they'd ask how long I would bf & I'd say , "yeah, well, you know when she goes off to college......".

Take heart, I have friends I've turned into converts, my kids are so well adjusted because of BF mainly, I think, more than anything.
A dear retired LLL leader friend I have nursed until her only daughter was 6, and they both remembered it fondly, she was around 7 or 8 when I met her. And she homeschooled, she was the most well-adjusted, bright little girls I ever knew, w/a kind & gentle heart for babies







My friend was a bit older when she had her, but she apparently did not want to rush anything, I think she unschooled and did not rush her into reading either.
~nani

~*~*"Somewhere deep within you is a song that plays softly, always...
A song you can hear only if you're very quiet, and very still
A song of life, and dreams, and wisdom
A call to adventure on a path that is uniquely yours.
Take time to listen to the song of your soul
And see where it leads you. "*~*~
Anon


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I also think 1st grade is the "ideal" age to stop, if the child has not already wanted to stop sooner. That is the age when the child spends more time in school than with the parents, and hopefully after school is either doing homework or playing with friends, developing some independence.

But, that's just what I think, and I don't think badly of anyone who chooses to nurse during 1st grade or beyond, as long as that's what the kid wants and not just the mom.


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## saige (Dec 16, 2001)

When I was pregnant I decided 4 months was long enough to nurse.When Saige was 4 months,I decided 9 months is long enough to nurse.When Saige was 9 months I decided 12 months was long enough to nurse.When Saige was 12 months,I decided 18 months was long enough to nurse.When Saige was 18 months I decided 24 months was long enough to nurse.At 2 and a half,Saige decided that was long enough to nurse.Who knows what Willow will decide!!!!


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## Saara (Apr 26, 2002)

I voted 4-5... but really, if my kid wanted to continue, then we probably would.







I just voted that way because that's when I weaned, and it seems like a good age. *shrug*
















I really am a child-led weaning advocate, though... and I have no problems with other people if their kids are 5+ and "still" nursing.


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## Ruth (Nov 19, 2001)

My daughter announced today that she would nurse until she was 99 years of age. But first she had to ask, "What's that number before 100?"

I hope I will still think it is cute then.


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## mamamoo (Apr 29, 2002)

I wish there would have been an option for both as long as both mother and child are loving it...I have been nursing since nov 20, 1997. I tandem nursed my son and daughter until alex turned 4. I would have let him continue, but I was pregnant and the thought of nursing three, well lets just say that was not happening. I was very sad that I weaned him when I ended up losing the baby. I felt so guilty, but now I know he was ready(it was very easy, no fighting or anything). And I just asked him today if he remembers nursing(it was only six months ago) and he said yes, he will always love his mama milk, but when I asked him if he was sad that he doesn't nurse anymore he said no because he is growing up!


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## Cranberry (Mar 18, 2002)

I voted for between 4 and 5yo. DS is 2 now, so I have a few years to go!


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## [email protected] (Jan 5, 2002)

tough question and i dont seem to be able to give myself a clear answer

initially i wanted to say that if the child is over a certain age (like five), it shoudl only be done at home

but then i asked myself why i should be allowed to nurse my 3 yr old in public but its not ok for a 6 yr old (of course in the USA its not ok for me nurse a three yr old in public; it wasnt ok when she was only one year old either in terms of dirty looks/comments etc.)

good thing its in fashion for gays/lesbians are coming out of the closets because the extended nursers need the room!


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## spirited mama (Jan 2, 2003)

I voted for child-led weaning, although as I write this I am pregnant with child number 3 and have a 2.5 year old eager nurser and a six year old who is still occasionally nursing (once a week or so). I am trying to never offer, never refuse breastfeeding. I know when my six year old stops it will leave me with a pang. I do occasionally say no to the six year old. It hurts my nipples because I am pregnant. He seems to accept this.

I know a friend of mine had a daughter who weaned at age eight. Psycologically seven seems like the age I want ds to stop, although I don't think I would ever stick to this number.

Immunological benefits continue, and my six year old has never been ill enough to be on antibiotics, despite his refusal to dress warmly in cold weather etc...

Keep nursing,

spirited mama


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## Ivanhoe (Apr 11, 2002)

How cool of you spirited mama!

For me, too old is when the child feels it's too old. I understand that for others, the "too old" mark can be established by the mother.

My babe is only 13 months, so i still have a long journey to go.


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

I voted 4-5, because that's my own comfort level. However, I think it's fine for however long mom and child want it to go on, as long as it is in a healthy context.... I think that there are some cases where the boob becomes an addiction, like a pacifier, and it simply satisfies the child's boredom. Nothing better to do... I'll nurse. I say this from experience, because this happened frequently with my DD. And also, there are ocassions when I'm just too tired to get up and run around and do things, so I'll nurse because it's more convenient. (Just being honest here!







) I don't think those are very healthy reasons to breastfeed beyond two or three years.


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## Juliacat (May 8, 2002)

I voted 3-4. I will do everything I can to nurse for two years, but I will probably want to wean sometime around age 3, and not past age 4.

That's just for me, though. In general I think it would be overdoing it to nurse past age seven.

I wonder if I should say that to the people who will look at me like I'm crazy for nursing my 2-year-old. "I think it's kinda weird to nurse past age 7"


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## DiaperDiva (Jun 30, 2002)

I voted child-led. Kailey is only 16 months though so we pretty much have just started our nursing journey. I know all of my relatives and friends(except one) have stopped nursing so I am the odd woman out. But, I don't care. I feel sorry for those babes who were cut off from nursing so quickly(the ones in my family).

I do believe though, that if either mom or baby is unhappy with the nursing relaionship then weaning should occur. So in most cases child-led, but for mothers sanity, mother-led







Hope I made sense.


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## New Moon (Aug 4, 2002)

I nursed my ds until 18 months...I was 5 months pg at the time and just had to stop. Sometimes I wish I had continued but...oh, well. Dd is 4 1/2 and still going, probably 1-3 times a day. Granted its a tiny snack, but she still tells me how much she loves it. I even went away for two weeks and when I came back she picked it right up again, lol







Its lovely to find other 4/5 yr nursers here. I cant imagine forcing her to stop, so it just keeps going on. Which is fine with me.
Hugs,
New Moon


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## Anna Trueblood (Jul 11, 2002)

At http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/index.html the folks at News of the Weird have apparently decided that extended bfing is weird.

Thanks, Chuck for stigmatizing the best food a mother can make for her child.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I'd be curious to know who voted for "anti-breastfeeding." Are there really those like that here on Mothering?

It was probably a troll. Maybe a teenage boy.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I think it was probably a troll. Luckily we don't get them here very often... They come around regularly on another EN/EB board.


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## respondentmother01 (Dec 20, 2001)

Wow--I made "News of the Weird" twice?? Can't find it this time, and I even did a keyword search...

Let's try to give this a positive spin--maybe Chuck thinks it's weird that the prosecutor has so much spare time on his hands that I can be dragged back to court a second time for breaking a law that doesn't even exist!

Lynn


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I guess if we think about it Lynn, a woman wearing a bathing suit was once considered weird...or a woman showing skin at all...or a woman dancing or having other freedoms...or the thought of a woman voting, going to work, having only one child...the list goes on. Those are things that were once considered "weird" until the doors were opened and more women made their voices heard regardless of the social outcome (being shamed or mocked by the media etc).
My point is that you have helped open the heavy doors for a change in society's views regarding extended nursing and I can't help but thank you for that.

Aloha,

Michelle (w/my 5yo nursling)


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## daisysmom (Aug 29, 2002)

This is a no-brainer. If they want it, give it to them. It has how many benefits...? Why do people even question how long to bf or even whether or not to even start?

I love nursing my daughter (12 mos) and so look forward to having another. I know tandem is hard, everyone has a different suck, but it is so worth it.


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## Juana (Jul 23, 2002)

I just read some info. on this book The Nursing Mother's Guide to WeaningThe Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning by Kathleen Huggins and Linda Ziedrich. They explain the history of nursing and the weaning age for children in different cultures. Seems like nursing has been interfered by physicians, social norms, and false information for a long time in the aspect of giving babies milk other than their mothers. This has been going on since like the Middle Ages. Anyhow, there is even mentioned weaning age up till 15 years. Wow! I voted that children should lead the weaning. But when there is change in routine, there may be a leading the child to weaning like going back to work or something. Something that can just happen.


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## Loretta (Sep 13, 2002)

I'm presently nursing a 20 month old and will continue until we're ready to stop. I nursed 'til 5 1/2, 5 1/2 and 5 because they wanted to. At times, I found it frustrating but most of the time realized that it wasn't breastfeeding that was frustrating, it was being overwhelmed (as it sometimes can be with small children). I rarely talk about nursing a child of that age because (and perhaps it's unfounded) I have the fear that someone who doesn't understand it will report me to Child Services. I have heard stories of this and it sounds like a nightmare to me - one that I would prefer to avoid.

One of the things I do say, when the subject comes up, is that according to the UN, the average age of weaning, world-wide, is age 4 and someone's got to keep the average up there!

One of my lovely daughters, at age 8, once asked me if she could nurse. I took one look at her mouth, full of adult teeth, and gently said, "Not with those teeth" - she laughed and laughed. None of the older kids admit to remembering nursing which I find funny...


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## LittlebitsMommy (Feb 24, 2003)

I am nursing a 35 month old and we don't plan on stopping anytime soon.I think nursing is wonderful.And as long as it is working for the baby(or child) and the mom that is all that matters.


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## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

I voted child led. Nursing to puberty is common amongst all primates.
Lauren


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## Ruth (Nov 19, 2001)

I know I have posted before here. But, I am happy to say, my dd will be 5 Friday and we are still a nursing couple. She nurses mostly at night. Sometimes she will nurse in the day so "there will be milk for tomorrow!" (her words).


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## Miss Kitty (Jan 30, 2003)

I just saw a mom on Dr. Phil nursing her 8 year old. I totally agreed with what he said to that mother - an 8 year old still demanding to be breastfed has not been taught limits.
IMO breast feeding into school age is not for nutrition factors, it is more of an emotional issue that probably should be addressed in other ways.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Miss Kitty,

Here's a good link that can help you understand that extended breastfeeding isn't all about nutrition...

http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleade...ebMar98p3.html

For many people it is difficult to understand true child-led or child-respectful weaning unless they have actually been there, but hopefully a little education can help open society's mind.

(edited because I felt that my original post was a bit too harsh for this forum, sorry everyone)


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## Ruth (Nov 19, 2001)

I agree that an older nursling DEMANDING that the mother nurse her or him or the mother DEMANDING that the older child nurse is bad. But if it is mutual desire of the nursing couple, I think it is good, no, I think it is great.


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## tessamami (Mar 11, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Precious_
*In the meantime, please encorage anyone who breastfeeds at all! no matter what the length. I know a few people who said they had no intention of BF at all. I'm saddened that, that kind of thinking still exists.

My original question that I came to this site to seek help with was "How much damage am I doing to my child by parent weaning her" I get the feeling though the concensus from the majority would be "Alot".*
Yep, I agree we should be positive about any length of BF.

I don't personally think your desire for parent led weaning is wrong. I have said this to a previous poster on Mothering that sometimes even the most caring, patient mothers of older nurslings decide that the nursing relationship must end. We see this in the animal world AKA "natural world" where a cat or dog or monkey is "irritated" with an older nursling. I don't think that parent led weaning is wrong or "unnatural". Hey, it's a personal thing, ya know?

I have seen many other, similar posts where others also agree that there is a time to all things, including a time to wean.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Well, the mother nursing the 8-year-old (she is a member of this board, BTW) sure has my congratulations!

I think it's far worse to never bf a child, or to only bf them for a "socially acceptable" amount of time than to do it "too much."

In my current situation bf is rarely about nutrition. My dd has been eating solids several times a day since she was 5 months, and now she is 14 months and we only nurse twice a day. It stopped being the bulk of her diet and nutrition long ago, but that's no reason to wean!

She learned to walk as well, but that is no reason for me to stop carrying her...

Also, you don't have to worry that your child will be teased at school if you never send them to school...


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

She's also an LC!

I practiced child led weaning and my dd weaned when she wanted at 5.8 years. I don't think at that age she was demanding, no one at school knew she even nursed, like the above poster mentioned.

The Dr Phil show didn't show to much of the 2 days he spent at this moms house with her children. I think Dr Phil wanted to make himself look good for the camera.


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## TigerTail (Dec 22, 2002)

i couldn't vote, lol... y'all cut off off at 5








philosophically, i am sorta with the 'whenever, child-led weaning' pov- but frankly, by 7 (with my dd), I had had enough & gently discouraged it. i think by 7 that's not too cruel, do y'all?









suse

oh hey, lynn! i am so impressed- you have finally beaten my record here I think, lol. Good for you! (But I've got two more nurslings now. mwa ha ha... I don't know, those boys surely do love their 'do', we'll see in a few years!) Keep on sucklin'!


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## zo's ma (Mar 4, 2003)

My ds turns 4 on Thursday and I'm also nursing dd who's 9m. About six months ago or so DS said he'd stop nursing when he turned 4, fast forwrd to a few weeks ago when we started talking about his b-day. He's decided he'll nurse until he's 10







....I figure because 10 seems SO far away.

DH is pretty supportive although he does ask him when he's gonna quit drinking *ninnies* DH is very pro-bf tho so he's not really serious/or pushing it.

I think a big reason ds is not ready to quit is because it gives him special time with dd...kinda cheesy but I really believe it.

We don't talk about it but most people we *know* know that ds still nurses, some are very supportive and others just know to keep their mouths shut,


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## momsgotmilk4two (Sep 24, 2002)

I voted for whenever the child decides. I used to have strong opinions on these things, but my oldest son has taught me a lot







. He will be three in a few months and is nowhere near weaning. Not even close. He literally nurses as much as a newborn, minus the night feedings, thank goodness







. It is getting harder to face the dissenters, though. We will have to go further into the closet sometime soon, I believe. My dh is not too crazy about the prospect of me nursing a 4 or 5 yr old child, but has left the decision up to me and will support whatever I decide to do, including not "outing" us. Thank goodness for Mothering magazine and the people here! We need all the support we can get







.


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## ParkersMama (Jan 29, 2003)

I voted for child-led.

I've seen examples where forcing a child to wean before they are ready can really change their personality, but encouraging a decrease in nursing or weaning when the child is amenable doesn't. I also agree that some mention of the mother should have been included in the poll, because if Mama is tired of it, then things need to change. I definitely don't think moms should martyr themselves for the sake of letting a child decide when to stop nursing.

Now, my son is VERY dependent on nursing, and that is fine by me. He's only 17 months, so I can't say how long until I think it is too much until I get there, you know? I have several mom friends who have weaning or are in the process (same age children), and the ones who have forced it before the child was obviously ready, are now acting out more during our playgroups and the moms are having a more difficult time with them. The ones that are encouraging a decrease leading to weaning have not had the same changes in behavior.


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## mom2kay (Jan 10, 2003)

We're looking at local colleges so I can nurse her between classes







:


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## ebaby (Aug 22, 2002)

I can't imagine stopping. DS is 15 and such a beautiful soul.
So, local college it may be!
K


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## ebaby (Aug 22, 2002)

15months!!!















k


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

The idea that a child who is nursing at age 8 is not having proper limits set on them is a CULTURAL attitude. The idea that a child of 8 or 4 or whatever should no longer nurse, because breasts are for the sexual pleasure of adults, is a CULTURAL idea not based on biological facts but on cultural biases and expectations. For instance in ancient India and also among 1950's Inuit ("Eskimos") it was not unusual to nurse until about age 7 or so. (Did I post the link to that article on this thread or another on this board? Can't remember. Will repost on request.)

Pediatrician Dr. Jack Newman said in Scientific American magazine that nursing for years, while unusual in the west, is a good idea because the human immune system is immature until about age 5. Hearing that makes 8 not seem so unusual, KWIM?


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

ITA Momtwice







I think I got your link on another forum here at MDC. I pass it on to others whenever possible, it's the best article out there right now IMO. It also mentions that Hawaiians once breastfed until the average of age 5, so that will help me here in Hawaii if anyone ever challenges me on the issue.









ebaby, I thought you were a troll:LOL


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

I just know I am setting myself up to be flamed, but when a child is able to eat solids, and is in school, that is too much.
There are other ways to comfort a child than to breastfeed them.
I'm sorry, but I think it is disgusting to breastfeed an 8 year old. When it starts to be uncomfortable in public, then something is obviously not right.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Quote:

When it starts to be uncomfortable in public, then something is obviously not right.
So moms not comfortable NIP with their newborns should what??? not nurse?

Then I read this a different way and agree. If a mom cannot be comfortable nursing in public then something indeed "is obviously not right." What's not right though is not with the mom and her nursling of whatever age. What's not right is this society's attitude that breasts belong to men instead of the women wearing them.

Of course there are other ways to comfort a child besides breastfeeding. DD, still nursing, is often happy to get or give a hug, or to have a book read, or to play a video game or other game with DH.... She even plays by herself! dresses herslf, feeds herself, goes to the baathroom--with a bit of help at the end...

Just because she nurses doesn't mean she doesn't do other things.

Breastfeeding is just One tool of many in this mom's toolbox. Over time it will be used less and less until it becomes obsolete. At that point it will no longer be a used tool, but a cherished memory--for both of us.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

That is TOTALLY not what I meant. When women feel they need to HIDE it from the public, then it is wrong. Not when they are personally uncomfortable.
Hey, that is my view. I think it is disgusting to nurse an 8year old.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

I'm not going to argue about 8 year olds. That's so vanishingly rare in this country as to be irrelevent IMO. I've gotten hassled by family for nursing a 3 year old in public. DH was uncomfortable with my NIP when DD was a new infant. I didn't NIP with DS until he was a toddler.

But, for the sake of discussion, let's explore this.

*What is the source of any mom feeling she has to hide when nursing her baby/child?

Is it her feeling that she's doing something somehow sordid?

Or is it her knowledge that breastfeeding itself is not entirely approved of in this culture, let alone breastfeeding a non-infant?*

I think it's the latter, and thus, IMO the problem is with society, not the act of BF or the mother. With DH it was the fear of what others might think or DO that had us heading home when DS might need to be fed.























Until that attitude changes there will continue to be babies not BF at all due to mothers' fears, or fathers', of societal disapproval.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

I think women who won't breastfeed-WON'T, not cannot for whatever reason- should be ashamed, not women breastfeeding. That is what breasts are for. For babies. I still think a 3yr old is somewhat of a baby. That is just me.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

I understand that extended nursing is disgusting IN YOUR OPINION Bladestar. I understand it is disgusting TO YOU. This is a cultural reaction. If you were in China or Japan in the early 1900's, or if you were a mom in Kenya in the 1950's, or Bolivia in the 1950's, five years or even seven years or more would seem completely normal to you because you would see it all around you.
http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleade...ebMar98p3.html

(sorry if the link is a repeat, this is a long thread!)

I completely agree with Meiri's post before her last one...it's the culture that tells breastfeeding moms they should be ashamed and hide. This does NOT equate breastfeeding past the first year to sexual abuse the way Bladestar is implying in my opinion.
But our Western culture says that it IS a form of sexual abuse. Fortunately this is changing.

And it is all relative. Was it in Mothering Your Nursing Toddler or some other book?? that they talked to African adults who found our American idea (that breasts were for the enjoyment of adult men only) to be twisted, when their culture felt breasts are for children, and our American idea of breasts as sexual was the perverted view. I found that concept eye opening!

The arguments that breastfeeding is unecessary for nutrition after a few years, or that a child in school doesn't need to nurse, don't really impress me. When asked about a particular mom nursing a five year old, pediatrician William Sears said the question about nutritional value is less important than the emotional connection involved. "These days, you open up the paper and read about kids shooting up schools," Sears said in a 2001 New York Times article ("The Breast Offense", Sara Corbett, May 6 2001.) "In a nutshell, these are disconnected kids. But children who breastfeed a long time are, above all, connected. And our society could use a whole lot more connected kids."


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

I *NEVER* implied or said it was molestation.







: It just isn't my thing. If other people want to do it, fine by me. I just would not feel comfortable. And I plan to do "extended" breastfeeding, whatever extended means. I would draw the line when I personally felt uncomfortable.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

Oh, and I don't think it needs to discontinue at A YEAR! I was simply saying about 8 year olds. I also said that it is ok when they are 3!! So there!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Meiri_
*What's not right though is not with the mom and her nursling of whatever age. What's not right is this society's attitude that breasts belong to men instead of the women wearing them.*
I couldn't agree more. If I felt that society accepted and welcomed breastfeeding older children then I would have no problem nursing my 6yo in public if she ever needed to (which she hasn't, publicly, since she was 4). I have to admit that the Chicago case (R.M.'s) scared me way back into the closet but at the same time gave me more strength to carry on (just with a bit more caution). I knew people in general were ignorant about breastfeeding but I never knew the law could be just as ignorant and get away with intruding on a mother and child's life like that.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Bladestar5









I didn't think you were meaning to say EN=molestation.

But it's an easy leap to make, since, when one of these cases hits the news/courts, that is indeed the usual accusation.









I even heard second hand of such an accusation towards me, back when DS was 2 or so. Fortunately my friend, also the creep's boss, told him in no uncertain terms that "it's Not an issue." She let me know on the qt and I never let DS be with that guy again, supervised or not.







I was quietly furious because this guy had been friendly, making glove balloons for him, etc. I told my friend that if he really thought this, why wasn't he calling CYS?

I must say I'm glad he didn't.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

I apologize Bladestar for assuming that when you said you found an 8 year old "disgusting" you meant in a sexual way, if that's not what you meant.

(You know what they say about people who assume







)

I would guess that on most of the internet you would get Amens and Hallelujahs for that position. But Mothering is an oasis in an anti-breastfeeding world. Calling extended nursing disgusting made me feel I need to defend the courageous moms who let the child decide when they are done rather than our dairy-obsessed, breasts-are-for-adult-males-only-obsessed culture.

I saw a grandma on TV once say she thought nursing a toddler would "give people the wrong idea" and she was only talking about a two year old! These are the kinds of prejudices nursing moms are fighting against.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

It's ok LOL. I guess disgusting really was the wrong word, anyways, so I deserved it









I feel for any family who is torn apart needlessly, and in that situation, I feel for the child. I guess since I am so new to nursing and the only one in my family and friend network that is currently nursing, this is just odd to me.
I nurse in public







! I didn't like to when my son was little, and I was saddened but almost relieved when my milk supply was too low to nurse exclusively. But, I did try VERY hard to bring it up, I tried so, so hard. With my daughter, I guess I have matured alot, to the point that I don't give a rat's a$$ who sees me nurse in public, and since I am very discreet, I haven't had any nasty comments yet.
I say yet, because I get some really uncomfortable looks, especially from teenagers and men. Funny, how men LOVE boobs, unless they are being used for their natural function, so I totally agree with you there.
As for any parent who is kicked out of a store or accused of molestation for nursing, that is just horrible. While I feel that it makes me uncomfortable to see an older child nursing, I don't see how that could be molestation, in its self.
I have heard of moms who were nursing being embarrassed to admit to still nursing their 13 month old, or people giving them a hard time for it. The sicko in this case, is the person deeming that wrong. This society is odd to think that a 13month old, or even a 2 year old is no longer a baby!








I was harassed for playing with dolls when I was only 12! The problem in this society is that we expect children to be little adults. I am still having a hard time getting out of that mindframe myself because of the way I was raised. My stepdad expected me to behave a certain way, or else. This same man who thought that child molesters were gross, turned out to be one himself, in one isolated incident that I believe would have turned worse if I hadn't kept my distance.








This country is one boiling pot of hypocrites, and I hope I never turn out to be that hypocrite.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Bladestar5_
*I guess since I am so new to nursing and the only one in my family and friend network that is currently nursing, this is just odd to me.
*
Bladestar, I was there once too. When my dd was almost 2yrs, my friend (who was also nursing her 2yo) and I heard of a Mom nursing her child at 4yrs, we both said "NO WAY, THAT's CRAZY". My friend weaned her dd soon after and then I knew I was on my own. My opinion of EN changed year by year as I discovered that it wasn't so crazy after all. Funny how *before* I thought weaning at 1 or 2 was natural, but when dd got to that point, the thought of weaning was the most UN-natural feeling, so we went with what felt right instead of what I was conditioned to think.

I hope you find this forum as much of an oasis as we do. It really is a wonderful place. Even though it is cyberspace, it helps so much to know there are other Moms out there who are like us.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

You all may find this interesting.

http://www.sheilakitzinger.com/Breastfeeding.htm

It's highlights of an article written by Sheila Kitzinger.


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## Ruth (Nov 19, 2001)

How sad some people think nursing a child is disgusting.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

I Could have written mothersunshines last post. I too was personally not interested in nursing my dd much past the age of 2. I wouldn't say I was disgusted by it since I knew other moms nursing until 5 and 6 years of age, but it wasn't something I saw myself doinig.

This is a forum for support and if its not your cup of tea that's fine and its your opinion, but coming here and saying how you feel is only going to get everyone else here all riled up.

Lets all just support each other


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

So I was honest, and some people got peeved. No matter what, there is always going to be someone who opposes me.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

We all live in the real world and we all know how you and unfortunatley the majority of people in this world feel. WE come here for support. There are many baby boards out there in cyberland that you can debate this issue with, but this forum is called "The Extended Breastfeeding Forum"


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

I am still nursing my three and a half year old son. He nurses about twice a week for naps. I am so proud and it would be gross to me not to meet his needs. He's a little boy but also a big baby.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

Look, I am having enough problems today, and quite frankly I feel like jumping off a building. I am going to unsubscribe now, because I tried to apologize and tell you that it makes me personally uncomfortable for a certain age. I personally have no problem with what other people do. Right now, I am trying to just stay alive. I just heard that my "wonderful" midwife missed another birth, and I cannot take it anymore.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

Oh, and NO I am not seriously going to hurt myself. I just am really depressed and if I say how I feel, it makes me feel better. No 911 calls please


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## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

I think the problem we are encountering here ladies is our each individual ideas of what extended nursing is.. What is was when we were nursing and what it is now.. My boys both weaned at right about a year.. I didn't do anything.. They stopped themselves with out a nursing strike.. They just did it less and less, and then not at all.. It was early, and i wish it was longer, but i'm not going to force them to nurse if they don't want to.. They were eating plenty of other stuff..

I have friends who extended nursed, and me personally, i start to feel "ishy" when they get to be closer to 4.. That's getting a bit old.. For me.. As my personal place of comfort.. I don't think anyone on these boards is coming here to put down the extended nursing mamas... That's just truly unlikely.. Jumping down someone's throat because they feel there is a limit to when breastfeeding is appropriate into childhood is uncalled for.. It's a personal opinion.. They aren't bashing you.. They are saying it isn't something they are comfortable with.. That's all..

Also, the idea of breast as sexual objects isn't just an american idea.. It's a european and american idea.. The bustier is a very old accoutroment and undergarment, and it's sole purpuse to make a person busty-er.. Hell breast sexualization is all over the world at this point.. And breast DO play a part in sexual arousal..

I'm not saying that anyone who is breast feeding their child at 6 is looking for a sexual pay off.. I've nursed a child..I know it is COMPLETELY different, but for some one looking at if from the other side, it's easy to see why they might think that way...

Much respect and warm squishy Feelings...

Dyan


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I didn't think that Firemom was bashing Bladestar or jumping down her throat. I think Bladestar overreacted (possibly due to personal hardships







: ) and should have taken the gentle-but-firm reminder that this is a thread dedicated to Mothers who are practicing or considering Extended Breastfeeding and genuinely want to learn from and share with each other. Anyone else should show some respect by staying out of the conversation.

I really don't want to see this wonderful thread be tainted with defenses of anti-EB views. If I thought this was the place to debate Pynki's post (and oh how I could debate that post!), I would, but to do so would be the same as welcoming the very kind of negativity that I don't want to see here. Like Firemom said, there are plenty of other places to debate EB, this forum is not one. Finding a place like this is rare so I personally want to protect it. Let's keep this an oasis, please.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

Well, you know what? A question was asked, and I answered it. And if you look at the poll, I am not the only one who feels there is a personal age limit. I am done defending myself because apparently the "perfect, flawless" people cannot forgive others for miss-wording what they said the way they can forgive themselves.







:







:
I just wish I were so perfect. NOT!







:


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## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

For crying out loud.. I am not anti -eb... Im just saying that there is a point where i too feel uncomfortable with the thought of it.. Also.. I don't know any of the forums on mothering were segratory.. I didn't realize becaue i am not eb that i should not visit this one.. I support your right to choose to eb you child.. More power to you.. I'm just saying by the time someone is going to school i am not comfortable with the idea of it happening..

So since i am the "invader" for simply repling to a poll *which I voted in* (4-5 yrs just incase anyone was wondering) I will leave.. No wonder some members don't want to visit some of the forums here..

Sheesh...








:


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## tnrsmom (Apr 8, 2002)

Ladies, please keep your posts on topic in regards to the original post. This thread is not to debate how long each person nursed and if they are right or wrong. It is not a contest. We can all share our feelings but let us not criticize others for theirs.

Thanks.


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## Firemom (Nov 21, 2001)

This is the last time I am going to post on this thread. I have no problem with people saying that 3 or 4 or whatever age is their personal threashold for nursing. I totally respect your feelings in that regard, because I've been there and thought the same thing. I nursed one child for a year and another for over 5 years.

But when someone says its disgusting, (thats the one word that sticks out with looking back over this thread) its a personal attack on me and everyone else who doesn't have the same beliefs.

This whole thing is a dead horse now and I will now bow out gracefully.


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## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

I believe I took back the word disgusting, and apologized. There is no need for the continued attacks. I just had to re-iterate that I did indeed take back the word disgusting...I worded it wrong, and in doing so, I admitted it was the wrong choice of words. Now for goodness sakes, let it GO!


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## tnrsmom (Apr 8, 2002)

This is a closure warning. Please return the discussion to respectful sharing of opinion and support. We are not here to argue and degrade others. If the discussion can not be kept respectful, this thread will be closed.

~Stephanie~


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## starfairy (Apr 3, 2003)

I'm so happy to see the poll responses! I weaned my 3rd child at 4 yrs 3 months after 7 yrs straight of breastfeeding. She turns 6 tomorrow & has never been satisfied with that decision! My youngest is 9 months old - I have to admit I'd love for her to wean earlier - but if she is anything like her siblings - forget it!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I dug up this old thread looking for a particular quote. Unfortunately I didn't find the quote (still looking), but I did have a fond walk down memory lane. It gets ugly toward the end but the rest of it is full of such valuable open-hearted conversation that I thought others (maybe some new members?) might appreciate reading it.

Just please leave out any negativity, we lost this thread once because it got negative. Let's not let it happen again.


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## rareimer (Oct 20, 2003)

it's too early for me to say, i guess i'll see when we get there. Jasmyn is just over a year, and i always thought (before i had her) that i would breastfeed for a year. once we got about to 6 months, there was no stopping. nursing a toddler had always seemed weird to me, but i had never actually *seen* it before. at LLL meetings, i realized it was no different that nursing a baby--it was totally normal to me. and i can't imagine taking her nums away just coz she has reached some arbitrary time limit...makes no sense to me!

now i have reevaluated, and would definitely say no age is too old. i hope she nurses til at least 2 1/2 or 3...right now 5 seems very old to me, but if we make it that far, i'm sure it'll seem normal to me too. it's just so hard to say until you've been there.


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## Cranberry (Mar 18, 2002)

I just looked back at my reply to this thread from 2 years ago! At that time, ds was 2 and I voted that between 4-5 years old is too old.

Well, guess what? He's 4 now and still going strong... and he'll stop when he's ready. I'm so glad I didn't listen to others who tried to pressure me into weaning. It's so tough sometimes -- now I'm a closet bfing mom because so many people are negative about it. Isn't that sad?









My son's lucky, and so am I.


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## mom2threenurslings (Jul 16, 2002)

I nursed my oldest until his fifth birthday (he chose his weaning day!). I would have gone longer had he needed to, but the time was right for both of us. It was a completely natural weaning, and it felt right. I was expecting to be sad, but I wasn't. It's going to be interesting to see when my two other nurslings decide to wean!


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

My SIL recently reminded me of my pre-child view on extended bfing!







I know that my opinion then (and I hesitate to call it that b/c that would imply that I had actually thought about!), was based on a skewed cultural norm with no facts to back it up.

Now, I am nursing a 2.5 yr. old and will stop when he is ready. How could I do it any other way? I just don't think it's my decision to make.

I'm so grateful that so many women have put themselves on the line here and in real life--admitting to and publically nursing older children--despite the obvious repurcussions. It helps me so much! THANK YOU!!!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)




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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

Thanks Mother Sunshine!


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)




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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pie*
I pcked the last one, but wish there had been mention of "for as long as both mother/child want too." I want him to be done when he's about three and am very very very gently prodding him in that direction. That said, I think it's fine when kids nurse for a very long time! I would never "wean" ds but am no longer bringing it up in convo with him, either!


wow this post is nearly two and a half years old. My son weaned/was weaned at a little over three and a half years old. He wasn't even three yet when I wrote this post. Not even two and a half. OMG time flies

mamas out there with little ones reading this, just take it one nursing at a time. It goes way too quickly, if you didn't know. I didn't.

He'll be five in august. I have to say, I can't imagine him still nursing but when he is sick or hurt I really miss the magic of it.


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

Magic it is! My ds is starting to lose his naps, which I cherish and look forward to everyday. The only way I can get him to nap now is to nurse him - and I have to ask HIM to nurse now for a nap! Used to be he would be begging me to nurse and nap by 12:30, but today he didn't fall asleep until 2:30pm! And he would have preferred to play with his trucks! But I got him down, yippee!!!


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## pie (Apr 7, 2006)

I mourn the loss of naps. I never get him to take a nap now. Maybe if he's really sick, which is when I miss the ability to feed him the MOST.


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## bec (Dec 13, 2002)

I never participated in the discussion, but I voted for CLW back when my eldest was just over a year. She is now over three with a baby sister! She is close to weaning herself, but will still nurse occasionally. I have to pump for her sister (cleft palate, she can't nurse), so have limited her nursing to right after I pump. I need to reserve the majority of my milk for the baby.

My hope is that Emily will be able to nurse after her cleft repair and I can ease up on the restrictions for Katie. We'll see. If Emily doesn't nurse after the repair, I don't know if I'll be able to keep up pumping for much longer than a year. But I am commited to getting her breastmilk for at least one year.

It has been such a journey!

Bec


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## mamaW (Aug 26, 2003)

I am glad to know so many mamas are willing to let their child lead the way. I only planned to nurse for the first year...now here we are at 16 months and I dont see DS weaning anytime soon. I asked my DH the other night after he made some off-hand comment I think it was "little man you have the life", if he thought I should wean and he replied "Heck NO!! but I hope I get them back somday!" I too voted child led, but I have to agree he should probably let me go when he wants to start dating...







...

mamaW mommy to Niko


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## daisysmom (Aug 29, 2002)

You mean we're not supposed to nurse them one last time before we send them down the isle? :LOL

You know, I kinda get a kick out of seeing the shock on people's faces. My MIL has never seen anyone else nurse past 6 mos. Nursing just wasn't done in her circle. DD#1 nursed until her 3rd bday and DD#2 is almost 11 mos. Man, I can't believe it's been that long already...I so enjoy every moment of it (well, except for when we've had thrush). Babies grow up way too fast, who am I to say they have to give up one of their strongest connections to infancy? I still carry my 4 y/o in a sling every once in a while, I even tandem carry them. I so wanted to be able to tandem nurse my girls too, but dd#1 decided she was done 3 months before baby was born. I tried to convince her she really wasn't too old yet, but she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Mommy, I'm not a baby!" It was so sad.


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## LizaBear (Feb 1, 2003)

I voted for 4-5 years.

Beause right *now*, with 2 nurslings (1-yr old and 3-yr old), that feels like my limit.

Maybe it will change.

But, I have been gradually reducing my son's nursing since he was about 16-months old. Right now, we're down to 1 nursing, time-limited, before bed. This is working for us, for now. Very rarely, he'll nurse once during the day, for a short time (4 or 5 minutes tops). Maybe every couple of weeks, when he's had a super rough day.

I just cannot see us continuing much longer now.

We take it a day at a time.


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