# What are your rules when your older child is grounded/on restriction?



## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

*I would like to only hear from those whose children are actually old enough to ground and actually have experience doing so.*

What are your rules when your child is grounded and what do you do when they break those rules while grounded?

Our rules are:
You may not have visitors/play dates
No TV
No Internet
No Music except opera or classical (taking away the first 3 didn't have much impact and she would just go in her room (after slamming the door) and start blaring Hanna Montana or something equally as obnoxious, I don't care if she blares music I rather like and it tends to calm her down







.)

Not sure what to do about when she breaks the rules while grounded, especially when she's doing it repeatedly so I'm looking for feedback from those who do ground there older children.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I don't have any experience with grounding because (a) I've never had to do it and (b) I'm not sure I ever would. Note, I'm not completely anti-punishment. My kids have done timeouts on occasion. But I view that as a short-term separation before one of us harms the other (OK, before I do them bodily harm
















I guess my curiosity about grounding is and what I'd ask about when she repeatedly breaks your rules: How is it logically connected to what the child has done? What are you hoping that they learn?

I'm not saying that you shouldn't do grounding. I'm agnostic on that. But my kids are remarkably sensitive to whether or not consequences make 'sense'. I'm wondering if the consequences make sense to your daughter?


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

I dont remember, so excuse the redundace... how old is your DD?

What 'rules' is she breaking??

For my kids we have a behavior chart (similiar to what the dilleys did years ago for their sextuplets) and we look daily and see how everyone is doing. Basically the childs behavior dictates what they can/cant do.

ONe big thing that is NOT allowed is slamming doors,(this is good way to loose your door) also no one is really allowed to go sulk in their room

But if you DD continually misbehaves while grounded then IMO the grounded startes over from the new offense. So if she is 3 days into a 5 day grounding and messes up shes back at day one. Also i would look at removing some possessions from her room, making it more spartan.
For a time my now 11 yr old DD only had a bed in her room with basic sheets and NOTHING ELSE, she had to earn back the fluffy blankets, area rug, toys, bookshelves etc.

If if i remeber correctly, and i may be wrong, didnt the OP just have a baby, if so your older dd may be reacting to that as well....


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1growingsprout* 
I dont remember, so excuse the redundace... how old is your DD?

What 'rules' is she breaking??

For my kids we have a behavior chart (similiar to what the dilleys did years ago for their sextuplets) and we look daily and see how everyone is doing. Basically the childs behavior dictates what they can/cant do.

ONe big thing that is NOT allowed is slamming doors,(this is good way to loose your door) also no one is really allowed to go sulk in their room

But if you DD continually misbehaves while grounded then IMO the grounded startes over from the new offense. So if she is 3 days into a 5 day grounding and messes up shes back at day one. Also i would look at removing some possessions from her room, making it more spartan.
For a time my now 11 yr old DD only had a bed in her room with basic sheets and NOTHING ELSE, she had to earn back the fluffy blankets, area rug, toys, bookshelves etc.

If if i remeber correctly, and i may be wrong, didnt the OP just have a baby, if so your older dd may be reacting to that as well....


She's been difficult all week (minor understatement), Yesterday which was the calmest day this week for her & she repeatedly played forbidden music and I told her several times TURN IT OFF, YOUR GROUNDED STILL. She ignored me. I also caught her playing on the internet on Barbie.com and netflix history shows she was watching cartoons some time during the night. I have repeatedly disconnected the cable for internet to her room and she keeps plugging it back in. This morning she actually came into my room while I was sleeping and unplugged MY COMPUTER internet cable and used it to plug her school computer into the internet and watched cartoons and who knows what else while I was sleeping.

I've already decided I will be password protecting the computers so she can't even turn them on since I can't trust her to not sneak on or find the cables and replug them in to gain access (I had left access open so she could do headsprout online if she woke up before me which gave me 40-60 min extra sleep without her getting into trouble). I'm tempted to remove her radio from her room all together but to be honest I don't want to deal with the living hell she is going to create over it since she HATES silence with a passion and makes life hell until she gets some kind of noise which is why I agree to classical or opera. She doesn't really like it but it doesn't annoy me and she has her noise.

I was thinking of restarting the grounding but wondered if it was to harsh. Anyway, she's 8 (with a long history of behavior issues but shes done really well the past few months) and the "baby" is 2.5 yrs old and she's been being a rotten little meanie to the 2 yr old too and has hurt her more then once this week. (hitting, throwing things at her, she's got a nice bruise on her face from the 8 yr old throwing a wooden block at her when she got angry). This has been a really difficult week with her


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Satori* 
This has been a really difficult week with her










First, my condolences, because I know how those weeks can go.

Second, when my dd has had these very, very difficult phases, I don't think it would help to have extended punishments like grounding. It would just breed more anger and hostility and nasty behavior. Better, imo, to handle each offense *immediately*, and then move on completely. For us, that means liberally using time out--especially when I see her behavior amping up, so that I can head off any dangerous behaviors before they happen (I know her "warning signs"). OTOH, when dd's behavior is in the toilet, I am actively looking for connections and warm moments with her when she is acting appropriately. Putting her on general restriction make our home a "no" environment, and creating more opportunities for us to clash and fewer opportunities for us to connect.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

We go _no electronics._

No TV, music, electronic games, computer.

And there is no way in h3!! either of our kids will have internet or tv in their rooms. Dsd has to keep her ipod in a place designated in a common area until homework is done and ask for it because she was playing it when she was supposed to be reading, doing homework, or sleeping.







:

When her grades are up to a certain standard, then she can decide when she can turn it on for herself.







Until then, we will monitor her usage.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

So, she is grounded for hurting the baby? Am I understanding correctly? How scary. What do you think is behind her behavior? Is she impulsive? Jealous of the baby for some reason?

I have never grounded either of my kids, and can't imagine doing so. That said, I can't imagine them throwing a block at a baby either. So -- I can empathize that desperate times must call for desperate measures, eh?

Still thinking, and I may come back to your thread later. But off hand, it seems like you are entangled in a power struggle, and its difficult for me to imagine how you are going to step out of it. It sounds as if her behaviors are extrodinary. I wonder if your responses will need to be equally unconventional.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

I haven't had to use grounding as a punishment for my dd (almost six) because we're still sort of in a time-out/time-in phase.

However, when I was grounded as a child/teen my parents went no electronics too. It really worked because it forced us to be closer to them. I found that when I was bored, I followed my mum around more and talked to her, or read, or went outside and played with my younger siblings.

Others are definitely going to weigh in here and say grounding is not a natural consequence, but I think used judiciously and respectfully (if that makes sense - not just screaming 'You're grounded!' at every opportunity) it can be added to the list of discipline techniques.

Honestly, it probably depends most on the child's personality. Telling my dd 'no TV' as a punishment would curb just about anything.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
We go _no electronics._

No TV, music, electronic games, computer.

And there is no way in h3!! either of our kids will have internet or tv in their rooms. Dsd has to keep her ipod in a place designated in a common area until homework is done and ask for it because she was playing it when she was supposed to be reading, doing homework, or sleeping.







:

When her grades are up to a certain standard, then she can decide when she can turn it on for herself.







Until then, we will monitor her usage.


I just put the computer in her room 2 days ago and the computer only allows her on specific websites like pbs kids (no email or msg board access sites) and netflix should have been blocked but it looks like I forgot to turn the content adviser thingy back on so she's had free reign the past 2 days without my realizing it. I always had a computer in my room as a kid but I didn't dare use it when I was grounded.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Satori* 
I just put the computer in her room 2 days ago and the computer only allows her on specific websites like pbs kids (no email or msg board access sites) and netflix should have been blocked but it looks like I forgot to turn the content adviser thingy back on so she's had free reign the past 2 days without my realizing it. I always had a computer in my room as a kid but I didn't dare use it when I was grounded.

We had stereos and such, but like you, we didn't dare defy our parents. Our dcs are another story. Dsd used to get up in the middle of the night (before I was in her life) and watch _extremely inappropriate_ TV shows. Right now we could catch her doing something and she would act like _so what?_ if we didn't take the ipod.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
So, she is grounded for hurting the baby? Am I understanding correctly? How scary. What do you think is behind her behavior? Is she impulsive? Jealous of the baby for some reason?

I have never grounded either of my kids, and can't imagine doing so. That said, I can't imagine them throwing a block at a baby either. So -- I can empathize that desperate times must call for desperate measures, eh?

Still thinking, and I may come back to your thread later. But off hand, it seems like you are entangled in a power struggle, and its difficult for me to imagine how you are going to step out of it. It sounds as if her behaviors are extrodinary. I wonder if your responses will need to be equally unconventional.

She got grounded for a combo of the behavior not just 1 thing. She's been doing really well the past few months and compared to behavior a year or 2 ago she's been pretty good this week. She's had some pretty extreme behavior issues in the past and we've done a lot of therapy as a result. Last week was worse but I can firmly blame that on dietary infractions and the fact she was on 7 different drugs to get her well again but all that is out of her system and now its a matter of breaking the cycle of negativity she's gotten into. Last time it took about 2 months of restriction before the nice little girl came back. She's pretty hard headed and stubborn and takes a while to learn. This is the kid I had to show a dead animal on the side of the road to explain why don't run into the street. Anyway, I use the transforming the difficult child approach with her, just now realizing maybe I need to amp things up a bit with her to get things back on track.


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

What does she say her reasons are for these behaviours(the original ones not the ones in retaliation to the grounding).

I never used grounding. I found it ineffective and time consuming to be honest. We don't have televisions or computers in the child's room. They have stereos..music(reasonable volume) is always allowed.

We are a non punitive home so in this situation I would work at getting to the bottom of things. What is making this child feel so wrong that she's acting so wrong.

I think if you can get to the core of the problem that might help. She's getting angrier and more defiant with punishment so it doesn't seem to be working with this child.










This must be really really tough

eta..just read your last post and didn't realise there were other pschological issues with this child beyond what I've experienced.

I would still do a lot of talking and hugging though..lots and lots.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 
What does she say her reasons are for these behaviours(the original ones not the ones in retaliation to the grounding).

She says its becasue she's not getting her way and I made her mad so she is going to make life hell for me until I give in.


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

My DD 11 has severe behavior issues as well, we adopted her 3 yrs ago and after intensive therapy, lots of patience and 6 mos living across the country with a relative things are finally looking better for her.
Something things ive noticed, even with my ds 8 who does not have the same issues is limiting screen time and video games. As for the music and radio, if you dd can not RESPECT others and the radio then she looses the privlidge of having a radio etc.
My kids dont have a computer in thier room. we have several in common areas in the home but none in the private kids rooms.

I also keep a behavior chart in the kitchen for all the kids, each one has their on sticky and each day we place them base on behavior.

Im know your dd is 8 but how about not allowing 'hannah montana' or things like that?? I try to limit nick etc...i have lots of little ones and mostly we keep noggin etc on... that is a non-negotiable area in my house.

Again talking abou the behavior, consequences, and earning privlidges have helped kathryn (dd) tremendously over the past 3 yrs.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1growingsprout* 
My DD 11 has severe behavior issues as well, we adopted her 3 yrs ago and after intensive therapy, lots of patience and 6 mos living across the country with a relative things are finally looking better for her.
Something things ive noticed, even with my ds 8 who does not have the same issues is limiting screen time and video games. As for the music and radio, if you dd can not RESPECT others and the radio then she looses the privlidge of having a radio etc.
My kids dont have a computer in thier room. we have several in common areas in the home but none in the private kids rooms.

I also keep a behavior chart in the kitchen for all the kids, each one has their on sticky and each day we place them base on behavior.

Im know your dd is 8 but how about not allowing 'hannah montana' or things like that?? I try to limit nick etc...i have lots of little ones and mostly we keep noggin etc on... that is a non-negotiable area in my house.

Again talking abou the behavior, consequences, and earning privlidges have helped kathryn (dd) tremendously over the past 3 yrs.


I seriously think I need to bring the credit/chart system back and enforce having to earn everything beyond the basics again. She was doing so well for a few months it sorta fell out of disuse. She's already asleep for the night so I'll reprint everything and get started tomorrow. She is not going to be happy but oh well! I need peace in the house again.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

This article may be helpful to you:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0925104309.htm


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
This article may be helpful to you:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0925104309.htm

Interesting, this goes along with what is taught in the TTDC program.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Satori* 
She says its becasue she's not getting her way and I made her mad so she is going to make life hell for me until I give in.

That is exactly where dd was last year. We just completed a year of counseling dealing with similar behaviors, including attempts to harm her baby brother.

We needed to be very tough with dd to keep everyone safe and have peace in our home. We were essentially "zero tolerance" with a short list of behaviors (immediate time out, no discussion). Certain behaviors would also mean no "extras" that day (playdate cancelled, no ice cream, no computer, etc).

But, each day is a new start. A new day is a new chance to make good choices and demonstrate self-control, and to be _rewarded_ for doing so.

I like the idea of letting her earn back privileges. Right now, it seems like she has "no hope" for the duration of the grounding, so she might as well act poorly and sneak around and lie. But if she had the possibility of earning back her radio the next day, for example, might that help?


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Satori* 
I was thinking of restarting the grounding but wondered if it was to harsh. Anyway, she's 8 (with a long history of behavior issues but shes done really well the past few months) and the "baby" is 2.5 yrs old and she's been being a rotten little meanie to the 2 yr old too and has hurt her more then once this week. (hitting, throwing things at her, she's got a nice bruise on her face from the 8 yr old throwing a wooden block at her when she got angry). This has been a really difficult week with her









I really don't think grounding is going to change the behavior you posted above. From the stuff you have posted in this thread I'd seriously consider family counseling. First I'd go alone interviewing different family counselors to find the right one though.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 
That is exactly where dd was last year. We just completed a year of counseling dealing with similar behaviors, including attempts to harm her baby brother.

We needed to be very tough with dd to keep everyone safe and have peace in our home. We were essentially "zero tolerance" with a short list of behaviors (immediate time out, no discussion). Certain behaviors would also mean no "extras" that day (playdate cancelled, no ice cream, no computer, etc).

But, each day is a new start. A new day is a new chance to make good choices and demonstrate self-control, and to be _rewarded_ for doing so.

I like the idea of letting her earn back privileges. Right now, it seems like she has "no hope" for the duration of the grounding, so she might as well act poorly and sneak around and lie. But if she had the possibility of earning back her radio the next day, for example, might that help?

She spent oh, about 2 month straight grounded this summer for behavior issues. After the initial grounding of I think a week she got a fresh start every day, mess up seriously and your grounded the rest of the day. 2 months later she finally straightened up but during that time she couldn't seem to make it 3 hours without getting into serious trouble. She's still not allowed outside without an adult becasue of her disappearing acts. After that I adopted a zero tolerance policy which really made her mad but it works. She's a kid that if you slip ONCE and allow her to do something outside the rules she will tell you "but you let me last time!" even though it was a special situation and it was 50 NO!s and a month ago. So I just remind her that if I let her this one time then she will just keep harping on me that I let her do it this time and as a result I must keep a zero tolerance policy and say NO every time she asks what ever forbidden thing it is. She just does not let things go, she still talks about the daycare lady who spanked her for not making it to the potty in time while potty training and she was only 3 at the time! She just can't let things go and just keeps harping on things hoping you will get sick of her and give in. She's even gone as far as telling me "I'll leave you alone (becasue I was ready to lose it with her) if you give me xyz" yeah, that's my kid. She knows which buttons to push.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Satori* 
yeah, that's my kid. She knows which buttons to push.

In that case,







a dose of patience, energy, and wisdom coming your way!

I hope this phase is short lived, and you have your peaceful home back soon.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
I really don't think grounding is going to change the behavior you posted above. From the stuff you have posted in this thread I'd seriously consider family counseling. First I'd go alone interviewing different family counselors to find the right one though.

Our insurance only allows one place to go for therapy and we went for over a year, TOTAL WASTE OF TIME. We saw NO BENEFIT despite weekly therapy at the clinic as well as in home and group therapy ( so 3 sessions a week). I also took there parenting classes that were supposed to be geared for parents with kids like mine. They were nothing more then regular parenting classes for court ordered parents trying to get there kids back. None of the advice was geared towards kids with behavior issues. There psych also wanted to put her on Risperdal (an anti psychotic) after a 1 hour interview in which she was a perfect angel. I refused and we tried feingold instead, we saw a major improvement with the diet. Anyway were getting off track. I would like answers to my OP


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Do you have a diagnosis you're willing to share? That might help people give advice that's going to work with you.

It sounds like "typical" GD methods don't work with her, and so I'm afraid that lots of the stuff that people are likely to suggest (even for families who might do grounding) aren't going to work.

Have you ever read the book "The challenging child" by Stanley Greenspan? It outlines a nice program for working with kids who are, well, challenging. One of the types is "defiant" and the other is "active/aggressive". I like it because it talks about the importance of connection, problem solving, and consequences. Just a thought.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
Do you have a diagnosis you're willing to share? That might help people give advice that's going to work with you.

It sounds like "typical" GD methods don't work with her, and so I'm afraid that lots of the stuff that people are likely to suggest (even for families who might do grounding) aren't going to work.

ADHD and Disruptive Behavior Disorder which is what they give before they give the Oppositional Defiant dx which is crap. I was given the dx as a teen, there wasn't anything wrong with me, I just found pissing off people highly entertaining and would literally sit around for hours figuring out what I could do to get reactions out of people. The bigger the reaction the better imo back then. I ended up in a highly structured lockdown group home at 15 and had a life changing experience and turned my life around but dd is hardly the age to have that kind of experience or to send her to a group home which can't happen with her health issues any way. Anyway, dd is the same way, the bigger the reaction the more she feeds off the energy, she will literally bait me to get a reaction and more then once she has demanded verbally that I react in xyz way (her favorite time to start something is bath time, (I am NOT proud of this and am a bit ashamed but it goes to show how things can get) about a year ago she had been refusing to shower and she stunk and we had to go some where (Dr I think) and I knew it would result in a CPS call so when she refused I "helped" her into the shower, literally, I turned on the shower and picked her up clothes and all and took her kicking and screaming into the shower and started washing her so now she will actually demand I do that when she gets wound up and is getting out of control and when I wont engage her. If she tells me "MOM! If you want me to take a shower your going to have to MAKE ME, PICK ME UP AND PUT ME IN THE SHOWER YOURSELF. To which I reply "if you need a hug or some snuggle time honey you just need to ask" which just gets her madder for a few minutes and she stroms into her room but it does ultimately get her into the shower on her own. I know to be as calm as possible and ignore what ever even if that means locking the baby and I in the bathroom while she tears apart the room becasue she's trying to anger me and get a reaction. Its really twisted and hard to understand but that's why I like the TTDC program so much, the creator was the same type of kid and he agrees with me that acting out is done to get a reaction out of you and how to deal with it. I wish I could afford a session with him! Its like a 12 hour drive but it would be so worth it I think.


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## sunnysandiegan (Mar 5, 2008)

I've never used the word "grounded" in that way with DD (age 7), but then again I didn't call them "time outs" either. The longest DD has been deprived of normal activities due to her behavior is less than one waking day. Essentially, we were ALL on restriction, to be honest. She literally just flipped out. It was truly a horrible, horrible day. We ended up all hanging out in the living room staring at each other. No computers, phones, TVs, books, no distractions. We had a pile of blankets and pillows and we tried engaging in games and hugs/physical connection of any kind. DD would have none of that. She was physically violent in a way I have never seen a child be with my own two eyes. No one has ever treated her anything like she was behaving. After many hours of unsuccessful attempts of emotional/physical connection, I ended up putting in a DVD none of us had ever seen called _The Moses Code_, which has a similar format as _The Secret_, and eventually she came back to herself.

Since then I have been reading all sorts of resources and searching for ways to help her. Her behavior has been very, very OFF since than and slightly before then. That was the worst, but we had a repeat just Saturday. We were at the beach after breakfast. I cannot even describe the (hideous) transformation I witnessed in my child. In any case, the physical action of walking barefoot in the sand with the surf as noise eventually worked for her.

The book I am most of the way through right now is called _The Path of Practice_ by Bri. Maya Tiwari. It isn't a parenting book. It is "A Woman's Book of Healing with Food, Breath, and Sound". Some of the stories and examples and suggestions in the book sound like they may provide clues for you (OP) in order to get to the root causes of your DD's issues/challenges.

To be more direct in answering your original questions, I return to basics for the rest of the day for each infraction. I do not "ground" for more than one day, especially when DD is looking for the biggest and worst I can dish out. We cancel all plans and stay wherever we are at that time and we stay physically within eyesight of one another. We aren't big on TV or stereos or other such electronics, but we do refrain from using our computers or phones during these extreme times. We work through the "drama" as a family. I believe whatever is going on with our DD is connected to DH & myself in some way. We are still working through it, so I don't have a "happy ending" story to share at this time.


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## SallyN (Feb 5, 2008)

Well, my DD isn't old enough for "grounding" yet, but I can still remember my own mother grounding me for 6+ weeks when I was a teenager.

IMO, 2 months of being grounded is extreme at any age, and for any baseline behavior problems. Really, at that point, there's something more basic that needs to be changed - a new/different approach. Think of it like dieting... sure, sticking to a "fad" diet for a few weeks will get you to lose pounds, but unless you change your eating lifestyle, you're just going to gain the weight back. KWIM?

I'm hearing that your family has extraordinary circumstances. And they do call for out-of-the-box measures.

A lot of my local AP family friends are big on NVC (non-violent communication, http://www.cnvc.org/). While I haven't done specific reading up on it yet, what I've picked up is that there are common, universal needs, and undesirable or conflicted behavior stems from when the strategies attempted to meet those needs doesn't work.

If I were in your situation, and somehow had a level head







, I'd indeed go back to basics. Computers on lock-down. Computer/TV and any extra electronics removed from her room. Try to get down to what her specific needs are (I'm thinking there's something to that music thing... so start there and figure out a way that works for the family. (Idea: Maybe the radio doesn't stay in her room, but it goes in for a specific length of time at established and consistent times of the day? And she can 'earn' longer or more frequent periods of it being in her room by not changing the channel/volume from what's been pre-established.))

Good luck.


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## jake&zaxmom (May 12, 2004)

IMO, if you use grounding there needs to be some hope. A week, for instance, can seem interminable and can make a child feel like there's no point in behaving because "I'm already grounded anyway"

Maybe try reversing the grounding process. Baseline is that tv, computer, electronics in general are privileges and are to be earned by good behavior instead of lost by bad behavior. That would switch the focus to all that she has done well instead of what she did badly.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Satori







i'm sorry your going through this. adhd is so hard. and the ODD... well only you know if thats true.. but i have noticed it seems to be a favorite DX for adhd kids who act out more then your average kid. plus its sort of a weird dx b/c they arent real clear on what your supposed to do about it.

when i was growing up grounding was no electronics. and once no reading but my mom said to chalk that up to something stupid they did when they didn't know what else to do. i know its hard when she ignores you completely... i was like that too. and like you.. just kind of got perverse pleasure out of irritating the crap out of people.. i think for me it was because life was sort of boring and that was my way of making it more interesting.

fwiw i think the no electronics thing is a good thing in general.. i think for people with adhd screen time can be hard to handle.. i know its not true for everyone... but it was for me.. and maybe it is for your dd as well. you said she did much better after such being 'grounded' before... maybe the no electronics things is really good for her. obviously this is extreme but severely limited or no screen time would be a good thing for her overall.






















i think it sounds like you are handling this so well..i am so sorry you and your DD are having a rough time. i know you said you only have one therapy option with your insurance.. is it only one who accepts it .. or the only one at all? my therapist takes no insurance but I can submit it to the company and they cover part of it.. is that an option for you guys?


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Coming back in now that I've thought about it some.









In the situation you are describing, I think I would make the electronic stuff inaccessible. Password protect the computers. Remove the television set for awhile (maybe ask a friend to store it.) If she could not respect the restrictions on the stereo, then I'd remove that as well. It would be less painful/difficult to resist something if she doesn't have to stare it in the face, and mean less policing on your part.

Just curious -- but how do you handle the "no outdoors" part of grounding? How do you make sure she gets exercise? Isn't she just intolerable if she doesn't get a chance to burn off excess energy?

Does she go to school? If so, is her behavior any different at school?


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Coming back in now that I've thought about it some.









In the situation you are describing, I think I would make the electronic stuff inaccessible. Password protect the computers. Remove the television set for awhile (maybe ask a friend to store it.) If she could not respect the restrictions on the stereo, then I'd remove that as well. It would be less painful/difficult to resist something if she doesn't have to stare it in the face, and mean less policing on your part.

Just curious -- but how do you handle the "no outdoors" part of grounding? How do you make sure she gets exercise? Isn't she just intolerable if she doesn't get a chance to burn off excess energy?

Does she go to school? If so, is her behavior any different at school?


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
Satori







i'm sorry your going through this. adhd is so hard. and the ODD... well only you know if thats true.. but i have noticed it seems to be a favorite DX for adhd kids who act out more then your average kid. plus its sort of a weird dx b/c they arent real clear on what your supposed to do about it.

when i was growing up grounding was no electronics. and once no reading but my mom said to chalk that up to something stupid they did when they didn't know what else to do. i know its hard when she ignores you completely... i was like that too. and like you.. just kind of got perverse pleasure out of irritating the crap out of people.. i think for me it was because life was sort of boring and that was my way of making it more interesting.

fwiw i think the no electronics thing is a good thing in general.. i think for people with adhd screen time can be hard to handle.. i know its not true for everyone... but it was for me.. and maybe it is for your dd as well. you said she did much better after such being 'grounded' before... maybe the no electronics things is really good for her. obviously this is extreme but severely limited or no screen time would be a good thing for her overall.






















i think it sounds like you are handling this so well..i am so sorry you and your DD are having a rough time. i know you said you only have one therapy option with your insurance.. is it only one who accepts it .. or the only one at all? my therapist takes no insurance but I can submit it to the company and they cover part of it.. is that an option for you guys?

I do have to limit her screen time, regular TVs and monitors tend to set her off so the computers were replaced with LCD screens which she does fine on. The TV is rarely on but it does mess with her behavior, we learned that about about 2 year2 ago. I haven't had the money to buy an LCD TV and we don't watch it all that much anyway so its not really worth it. As for our insurance we have Medicaid which means we can only go to the county mental health clinic which is a joke.

If anyone is really bored you can read the blog I started at the beginning our our journey http://mommysatori.blogspot.com we have come very very far from where we were but I haven't updated it in about 18 months but it will show you how much we have gone though with her and what I have tried.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 

Just curious -- but how do you handle the "no outdoors" part of grounding? How do you make sure she gets exercise? Isn't she just intolerable if she doesn't get a chance to burn off excess energy?

Does she go to school? If so, is her behavior any different at school?

She can do yoga or tai chi inside and we have a back yard she can play in. She doesn't seem any different if she's burning off energy. The only time I see a difference is if she's doing hard labor like working in the garden and pulling weeds. She went to school for 2 months this year and her behavior was fine at school, she was failing half her classes but her behavior was fine. She loved being around all the kids and was a little monster when she couldn't go. Her health and her grades didn't allow her to stay at school and she had to be transferred to a virtual school where she is doing very well so far.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

When my little brother was that age the idea was that he needed more time with his loving family or he wouldn't have done whatever it was (mostly forgetting to stay in the safer parts of the park and forgetting to come home on time). So there weren't any real restrictions as such except to stay at home.

Just another perspective on how to handle grounding.


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