# waiting for a missed miscarriage to happen



## sarsy (Nov 7, 2008)

Hello Everyone-
I'd love to have some feedback on what I should do- I've been waiting for over 6 weeks for a missed miscarriage to happen.
I went for an ultrasound at 8/9 weeks, and was told that the baby had stopped growing at approx. 7 weeks, and that there was no heartbeat. I wanted to go for another ultrasound to be sure, but my doctor resisted, saying the results were clear. We did bloodtests instead, (a week later), which showed that my hormone levels were still very high, but coming down.
I don't want to have a d&c, and I'd rather not take the pills unless it's really necessary, because I'm concerned that it will result in a d&c anyway.
My doctor has told me that it's okay to wait, but has been reluctant about it (she has been encouraging me to take the pills).
I would much rather wait for this to happen naturally, but i'm beginning to worry about infection, and about possible future problems.
Is it very abnormal for it to take this long?
About 4 weeks ago i had some brown (and then red) spotting (no cramping) for a few days, then it stopped. Just this past week, I started to feel "light" cramps for the first time- I spotted again, in the same way, but now it's pretty much stopped again. However, I continue to feel a mild cramping, and sometimes a slight twinge in my right ovary area.
Should I continue to wait? Is this a sign of any problem?
Thanks to all who have any advice.


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## willowsmom (Oct 28, 2004)

I don't know actually... I'm in the process of waiting for a miscarriage too.
I've heard that in early pregnancy it'll be a lot like a period... maybe with more clots.

At any rate, much love.


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## Prism (Apr 28, 2008)

Sarsy, I am so sorry for your loss. I chose to wait it out as well, my missed m/c was similiar to yours. I spotted at 8weeks and went in to have it checked out. I had twin yolk sacs one of which was empty the other measuring 5wks. We waited a week to see if a heartbeat was seen at 6wks but then the 2nd sac was empty as well. I went 5 more wks and miscarried at 13wks. I didn't take the antibx the doc prescribed, I know the s/s of infection and felt comfortable just having the rx if needed. I m/c on my own, but still ended up w a d&c since the bleeding was so heavy it was pretty much a hemorrhage. Even with all that there was no infection though. It is such a hard decision. I will be praying for you. For me, the wait was good since I got to greive the loss of my babies separately from the actual miscarriage, and that was more between me, God and my body.
Again, I am so sorry you have to go through this.
Prism


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## sarsy (Nov 7, 2008)

Thanks for replying to me- it feels better to know that someone else is also trying to figure this out, but I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this as well.

Much love, and good energy for you, too.


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## sarsy (Nov 7, 2008)

Prism, I'm so sorry for your loss too. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I feel the same way that you describe, I think.... I've already gone through a horrible grieving period for the loss of the baby, and feel as though the miscarriage will be a separate experience. I don't know though, of course, how I'll feel when it actually happens...I've been waiting so long...
I've just joined this group, and don't have anyone close to me who's been through this. I'm very grateful for your kindness, and for your willingness to share your experiences with me. Thank you.


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## mammabunny (May 8, 2008)

Sorry for your loss. You will find lots of support from wonderful women on this board. They really helped me with my miscarriage, waiting and D&C. I think it depends on how you are doing emotionally as well. I waited for 2weeks, and that was too long for me (I was 12wks pg). I opted for the D&C because emotionally I needed closure. Do what is best for you physically and emotionally.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

so must be well passed 9 weeks then right? that'll be quite a m/c. have you taken another test? what if it's twins? I completely agree with doing it naturally just for the twin factor. you said hormones are still up, what's with that? maybe the u/s was wrong? or they were looking at the wrong fetus? I can certainly understand the emotions you've got going on. it's terrible. I'd take more blood tests if the emotions are too much to handle just so you KNOW, but I'd still wait and do what my body already knows to do all by itself.

huge huge hugs.
Rebecca


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## sarsy (Nov 7, 2008)

Thanks to all for responding with such compassion. I still don't know what's happening with my body, but I feel so much stronger with your support and understanding behind me.

I have a doctor's appointment scheduled next week, and now I feel like I have support in quietly insisting that I would still prefer to wait for this to happen naturally.
I just wish there was some way to KNOW or SEE what's going on- it's the not knowing that is so emotionally draining.
Thank you for being so kind, when you yourselves have also suffered such loss.
A big hug to all of you.


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## shantiani (May 9, 2008)

Hi Sarsy,
I just posted my story on another thread before I saw your question here, so sorry about the double post.
I just wanted to say that I had a very similar thing happen to me. It took 6.5 weeks from the time the baby stopped (6wks) for the actual m/c to happen (12.5wks). The waiting is really really hard. It's such a limbo state. But I really wanted my body to do what it needed to do by itself (although by the end I was having plenty of second thoughts because of the uncertainty). Eventually I started spotting a little, and then light bleeding, and finally the m/c happened. A few hours of cramping and heavy bleeding and then it turned into a regular period. I felt an immense sense of relief and closure. In hindsight I'm glad I waited. At the time though.... wow, waiting was torture.
I'm so sorry you're suffering through this too. Good luck and take care of yourself


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## usmcwfe (Aug 17, 2006)

I'm sorry about all of this. All of my mc's were alittle different. The last one was a missed mc but we didn't wait for thing to happen on their own, I went ahead with the d and e. Don't know if it made it easier, there are pros and cons to both sides. Just take care of yourself. You're in my thoughts.


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## Theia (Oct 30, 2007)

I am sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation several years ago. It took several weeks for the m/c to complete, but for some reason, it was only slightly heavier than a normal period. I wondered if my body re-absorbed some of it or if that was why it was not viable? I don't really know.

I also wanted to advise that an alternative type health care practitioner would most likely be able to give your body a gentle nudge to get things going if you are concerned and be less harsh as well. I called a local midwife when I realized I was pregnant and m/c all in the same night. There are lots of options besides pills and d/c.

Wishing you lots of healing as you go through this time.


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## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

I'm so sorry you're in that tough position. I hope things happen quickly and smoothly for you. I don't know what the twinges mean--I don't know what to look for in terms of ectopic pregnancy, maybe someone else can chime in? I'll be thinking of you.


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## mommyfied (Jun 25, 2007)

First of all,









I went through a missed miscarriage last year and waited months for it to resolve. Most people don't have to wait that long, but there were a couple of others around the same time that also waited an unusual amount of time. My point in telling you is that it can be safe to wait if that is what you want. I was very careful with hygiene, watched for signs of infection, and I also charted my daily temp so I'd know if it was elevated. The funny thing is, I was under the care of an OB and she never once warned about infection. I did it to be on the safe side since I had read about the concern. My OB watched my HCG and assumed (incorrectly) that my body had reabsorbed everything. I wanted to avoid a D&C or other unnecessary intervention and I'm glad I waited. If I had to do it over again, I would have contacted a midwife to see if there were any herbs I could take to get my hormones back on track, but at the time I really didn't have a reason to doubt the OB's opinion that everything had reabsorbed.

Anyway, my timeline went like this:
6 weeks - embryo stopped developing
10 weeks - sac stopped developing
13 weeks - u/s confirmed 10 week sac and no visible embryo
Light brown spotting started right after that and continued for 2 or 3 weeks
Had HCG checked again and it had gone from 443 to 131. OB said things had reabsorbed. Nothing happened for a month or more. Spotting started intermittently and then picked back up to daily. I went back in for an HCG check and it was something like 8. Around the same time, I passed the embryo. A couple of weeks later, a little less than 2 months before my due date, I had bad cramping and started bleeding like a regular AF. That continued for 3 weeks and ended with passing the placenta, about a month before my due date!

My cycles went back on track immediately. My first AF started in 2 weeks, I ovulated normally, and got pregnant again on the 3rd cycle.


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## Prism (Apr 28, 2008)

Sarsy I am wondering how you are doing?
I've been checking here to see how you are coping and/or your decisions so let us know how you are when you are up to it. Been thinking of you and sending you prayers and good thoughts.
Hugs and love,
Prism


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## sarsy (Nov 7, 2008)

Hello everyone- thank you for your continued support- I've been away from my computer for a few days- thank you for asking about me, Prism.
Mommyfied, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience and your timeline with me- it helps a lot. I'm wondering though, if you had more than one ultrasound? How did you know what was happening at the various stages? So far, I've just had the initial ultrasound (at 8/9 weeks) that showed that my baby had stopped developing at approx. 7 weeks, and then an HCG test a week later, showing that my levels were still very high, but dropping. My doctor's appointment is this morning.... I will use the strength and knowledge that I've gained from this wonderful forum to stick to my guns and let her know that I'd like to wait! But I'd also love any suggestions from anyone as to whether it would be worth it to ask for another test? HCG or ultrasound? I'd really like to be able to 'see" whether the baby has moved away from the lining, or if it's broken down, or begun to reabsorb (if that's even possible).
I'm quite resolved in letting this happen naturally, but I'm finding the waiting very difficult. We took a long time to decide to try and get pregnant - I was 35- and then as bad luck would have it, we had to wait for various medical reasons ( a massive fibroid that had to be removed, then a thyroid issue that took years to resolve safely), and finally I was 39 when we had the go-ahead to try... We got pregnant within 2 months, so I'm hoping we can do it again! Still, time is passing very quickly, and the longer I have to wait, the more anxious I get.
Your story gives me peace of mind that this will eventually resolve itself, and I'm so happy for the news that you've become pregnant again- all of my love and positive energy goes out to you.


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## tree-hugger (Jul 18, 2007)

I waited 5 months (yes months) for the miscarriage to happen naturally. I had no complications. I have no regrets about choosing natural over d&c or drugs. So sorry for your loss.


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## 3boys3girls (Apr 18, 2008)

First thing I need to say is "I am so-so-so sorry that any one has to go through the loss of a baby", my heart goes out to all of you".....
I apologize if this isn't the right place for a question... i was not sure if I should start another thread....? I'm just wondering how a person has a "missed miscarriage"? Also, for those who "waited months", does that mean you discovered that your baby stopped growing but your bleeding doesn't start for months? I'm sorry if I sound like the most "clueless" mom ever..... this past March, I took a home preg test on the first day of my missed period. There was the faintest little pos. line. I had been sick w/ a kidney infection & a uti. I went to my OB, my hcg level barely increased by 50% over 48 hours & never reached 300. I had a renal (<sp?) US due to kidney problem & an OB US at a local clinic (not my OB since she is a drive)..... there was no gestational sac (my OB, surprised that they even looked, said of course there wouldn't be a sac with an HCG level of <300).... all within a few days.... and then my period started. It wasn't much dif. than any other period i'd ever had. To this day, I'm still not sure what happened with me ...... i've never posted here about it but i still wonder.... any way, thanks for reading & answering if you have an ideas..... is this called "hijacking a thread"?....if so, i'm sorry, i don't mean to be rude to the op who started this thread with her own personal situation.....


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## Prism (Apr 28, 2008)

A missed m/c is when the baby has died but you don't physically miscarry. The "fetal remains" may partially reabsorb. It can take days or weeks or even months to actually miscarry. If you google missed m/c they make it seem extremely rare, but, look at all us here. Its not that rare.

Your miscarriage sounds like it happened pretty quick. It doesn't sound to me like you "missed", but if your hcg went above 25, you were pregnant.
Sorry for your loss.
hope that helps.


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## 3boys3girls (Apr 18, 2008)

.... love & sympathy to all who have had it drag on.... yes, I guess i was pregnant even though there was no visible development of a child.... is that what is meant by a chem pregnancy?


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## rainface (Dec 18, 2007)

Hi all...
I'm waiting for a miscarriage as well. I went in for my 8 wk ultrasound two weeks ago and the embryo had no heartbeat and the sac had only grown to six weeks. My nausea has only ended three days ago, although my other symptoms faded before that. At this point I am waiting for my body to miscarry itself, I have been offered surgery repeatedly by my healthcare provider but it is not something that I want at this time.
I feel so angry and untrusting toward my body right now. I'm finding it hard to forgive my body so that I can heal, release this pregnancy, and move on so that I can have a baby. My partner and I are both grieving this loss, and I also feel anxious about putting stress on our relationship by waiting for my body to do this itself. I know that my physical health and what I want are most important, but it's a stress that nags at me, you know?

I did not know that it was possible for my body to take months to miscarry, or that the material could be reabsorbed back into my body. I'm glad that I came to post here...


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## Prism (Apr 28, 2008)

Oh, Rainface I am so sorry you are going through this.
Your feelings are very similiar to mine.
I will be thinking and praying for you.


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## rightwinger111 (Nov 20, 2008)

Hi sarsy, I'm wondering what happened at your doc appointment. I'm going through almost the exact same thing as you. My u/s was abdominal though, so it wasn't too clear. But Friday I was 8/9 weeks along and the doctor estimated the baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks. HCG is still high but dropping (42,000 on Friday, 39,000 on Monday). Haven't had any signs or symptoms of miscarriage whatsoever.

Please give us an update if you can!


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## hopefulmom (Dec 18, 2008)

I just found out today that I have a missed miscarriage. I'm trying to make the decision whether to wait, or go with medicinal. I'm leaning toward medicinal, as I don't think I can take the pressure of waiting for this to happen naturally. I'm 11 weeks today, and the Dr said the baby was measuring at about 9 weeks on the u/s and also detected no heartbeat with the doppler, or with u/s. I'm not considering a d&c as an option until absolutely neccessary.

My question to you all, is with either natural or medicinal miscarraige, what is to be done with the sac and fetus? I'm not really wanting to inspect it, but I do want to be considerate of the fact that my baby was a real person who deserves to be treated respectfully and not to be discarded like trash. I don't wish to have a funeral as I've heard of some women choosing. I'm just not really sure how to go about this. How have you all reacted to seeing it?


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I had a missed miscarriage with my first baby. I started spotting at 13 weeks and the ultrasound showed the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. When I went to the follow up appointment I was running a high fever(close to 104) and feeling aweful so they gave me the option of a D&C or be admitted and given the pill- I had to stay until I had miscarried. I choose the D&C so I could go home and be with my husband. However, I was going to the military and was active duty so they do things a little different.








Im sorry for all of you who are waiting. Take care of yourselves.


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