# I lost my baby



## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I miscarried tonight. I'd been having brown spotting and cramping for about 24 hours but I was trying not to worry about it. I've got family visiting from out of town and we stayed up late to watch Sweeney Todd. I went to bed around 2am, laid down with my DD and felt a pop and a gush of fluid. I knew after looking at the sheets that it had been my water breaking. I got a towel and sat on it, and then I started to bleed. I called my midwife, and she lent me a listening ear, lots of support and love and my husband was there as I passed the baby around 2:30am. I couldn't tell by looking if it was a boy or a girl, but we felt in our hearts our baby had been a girl. She appeared to be around 9-10 weeks gestational age, though I was 13 weeks and a few days.

I am feeling very numb, bordering on sad but mostly just numb. I've been bleeding a lot and am considering going to the hospital soon if it doesn't let up.

My husband is very sad and we cried together as we decided to name her Willow Rebecca. Come full spring we will plant a willow tree in her memory.

Farewell, sweet baby. I am glad to have known you as long as I did.


----------



## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

I'm so sorry. What a beautiful name you picked for your baby.


----------



## PassionateWriter (Feb 27, 2008)

omg DID..i am soo sorry.


----------



## prairiemommy (Sep 25, 2003)

Oh DID, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.







My heart goes out to you and your family.








Willow Rebecca


----------



## pottermama (Jun 14, 2006)

I am so sorry!







: My thoughts are with you and your family. Take care of yourself.







:


----------



## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

i am so sorry mama.


----------



## Amydoula (Jun 20, 2004)

I am so so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts today.


----------



## skybluepink02 (Nov 9, 2005)

I'm so sorry DID


----------



## apmama2myboo (Mar 30, 2005)

Dreams, I am so very sorry for your loss. please take care of yourself and let those around you do the same.







s


----------



## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful name you've chosen for your daughter.








Willow Rebecca


----------



## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Oh no! I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself.


----------



## Aurora (May 1, 2002)

I am so very sorry! Be gentle with yourself.
















Willow Rebecca


----------



## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Mama I am so sorry. Remebering Willow Always. What a beautiful name.

PLease take care of yourself.

Light and love, Jen


----------



## perl (Jan 17, 2006)

Thinking of you and your family


----------



## so_blessed (Dec 24, 2007)

So sorry for your loss.


----------



## Phantaja (Oct 10, 2006)

I'm so, so sorry. I'll be thinking of you.


----------



## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

I'm just so sorry.









Willow Rebecca


----------



## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Blessing to little Willow.


----------



## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry. Willow is such a lovely name and I love the idea of planting a willow tree.


----------



## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

I'm so sorry


----------



## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

I am so, so sorry! Wishing you peace, and love to Willow, for her short time with your family.


----------



## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

I am so sorry. I also lost my little girl around that age and it has been so hard.


----------



## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I am so sorry.


----------



## OrchideZ (Mar 2, 2008)

Sending you and your DH lots of healing love & strength.
Know that we are all thinking about you from afar...














:


----------



## Changed (Mar 14, 2004)

Thinking of you.


----------



## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so so sorry


----------



## Claire and Boys (Mar 27, 2007)

I am SO Sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

I'm so sorry. I lost my first baby at 13 weeks as well. Very painful both emotionally and physically! Rest lots! HUGS! and i'm thinking of your sweet baby and your family.


----------



## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I am so sorry.









her name is beautiful

Willow


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Oh no







I am so, so sorry.


----------



## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

I am so very sorry.








Willow


----------



## lovbeingamommy (Jun 17, 2007)

I'm so very sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Willow


----------



## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I just got back from the hospital a little while ago. I ended up having to go in because I started hemorrhaging really badly and did not have anything to help me control the bleeding. I had to have a d&c and spent about twelve hours being monitored, as my blood pressure was extremely low and my heartrate was very high. I had some iv fluids and a little bit of rest and then begged for them to let me go home. The doctor kindly allowed me to go home after strict instructions to do absolutely nothing for the next week. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that but my sister may end up staying here for the week.

It was only luck that my sister was here. She stayed with me every moment and kept me in good spirits. Her husband bought me some beautiful purple tulips and everyone has been really super nice to me.

I am waiting for the loss to really hit me. I cried quite a bit in the hospital while my sister ran home for clean clothes. I am still working through the emotions and I imagine it will be a long road to emotional healing. Thankfully because of the d&c I am pretty much just spotting now but I need to work really hard to get my red blood cells and iron back up, they are quite low at the moment.

For the time being, I am surrounded by loving family members and I thank my lucky stars I did not have to endure this alone.

Thank you all for your love and support. It means the world to me right now.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Thinking of you.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
I just got back from the hospital a little while ago. I ended up having to go in because I started hemorrhaging really badly and did not have anything to help me control the bleeding. I had to have a d&c and spent about twelve hours being monitored, as my blood pressure was extremely low and my heartrate was very high. I had some iv fluids and a little bit of rest and then begged for them to let me go home. The doctor kindly allowed me to go home after strict instructions to do absolutely nothing for the next week. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that but my sister may end up staying here for the week.

It was only luck that my sister was here. She stayed with me every moment and kept me in good spirits. Her husband bought me some beautiful purple tulips and everyone has been really super nice to me.

I am waiting for the loss to really hit me. I cried quite a bit in the hospital while my sister ran home for clean clothes. I am still working through the emotions and I imagine it will be a long road to emotional healing. Thankfully because of the d&c I am pretty much just spotting now but I need to work really hard to get my red blood cells and iron back up, they are quite low at the moment.

For the time being, I am surrounded by loving family members and I thank my lucky stars I did not have to endure this alone.

Thank you all for your love and support. It means the world to me right now.


----------



## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

I am so sorry







. I hope you can get the rest you need.

For Willow


----------



## TayTaysMama (Oct 16, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Joezmom (Apr 1, 2008)

I am so sorry for you and your husband. I hope your sister can stay awhile.


----------



## fullofgrace (Nov 26, 2002)

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
















Willow Rebecca


----------



## Kayda's Mom (Feb 5, 2007)

I am very sorry for you and DH.

Willow is a beautiful name to honour your baby with.


----------



## Jannah6 (Aug 29, 2007)

, I'm so so sorry.


----------



## jessicasocean (Mar 21, 2008)

I am sending you lots of love and support, I will keep you and your sweet Willow in my thoughts.


----------



## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

We are going to buy our willow tree in about an hour. I can't wait. I need a place to express my grief and I feel like I just keep holding it in until I have that safe place.

This all feels like a bad dream. I wish I could wake up.


----------



## birthangeldoula (Feb 1, 2008)

So sorry for the loss of baby Willow.


----------



## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

I am so sorry, DiD- I was shocked to see your thread. I hope you get the rest you need this week.


----------



## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

i'm so sorry lydia.

i had a 12 week loss too. and it is very surreal and feels like a bad dream you can't wake up from.

i am wishing you all the love and support in the world. please take care of yourself.

we planted a forsythia bush, one of the first flowers of spring for our baby.


----------



## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I'm so sorry.


----------



## Jilian (Jun 16, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss and your hospitilization.







Willow is such a beautiful name, and buying a willow tree to honor her is a perfect idea. I hope the tree helps bring you comfort during this difficult time. Sending lots of love and comforting vibes your way.


----------



## DreamWeaver (May 28, 2002)

I am so sorry.
Wishing you healing... ...


----------



## caricandothis (May 24, 2006)

Oh DiD. I'm so sorry for your loss, mama.







Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

How are you doing today?


----------



## Mamax3 (Nov 21, 2001)

Your Willow Rebecca and my little Charlie were lost together on the same day.

I am thinking of you and hoping you have love and support around you during this difficult time.

Please know that you are not alone.


----------



## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I am hurting a lot today. I can't seem to stop crying.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
I am hurting a lot today. I can't seem to stop crying.

I'm so sorry.









You are in my thoughts today. Please try to take it easy.


----------



## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

it's only been 2 days hon. just go slow and take it easy.


----------



## raeinparis (Sep 26, 2005)

oh l, i'm so so sorry for the loss of tiny willow.








to you and your boys and your sweet girl.


----------



## veganmama719 (Sep 15, 2007)

I'm so very sorry *DreamsInDigital*. I was in the October DDC with you although I was one of the first to leave.

I'm so very sorry you have reason to be here but I am glad you found us.

Your daughter was lucky to have you as her mama.

Peace and blessings to you.


----------



## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

I'm sorry for your loss, mama


----------



## happylemon (Nov 5, 2006)

I am so sorry


----------



## immamama (Mar 3, 2008)

Ohh honey I am so very sorry for your loss! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!


----------



## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Oh no, I am so incredibly sorry to hear this.








Willow


----------



## Matilda_z (Dec 9, 2005)

I'm so saddened by your loss.


----------



## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

Oh no!







I'm so sorry for your loss, mama. What a sweet name for a sweet little angel.








Willow Rebecca


----------



## Peacemamalove (Jun 7, 2006)

oh my mama!! I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful name. Sending some healing reiki energy your way. Hugs.


----------



## OwensMa (Apr 15, 2004)

I'm so very sory for your loss. I think your plan to plant a willow is a beautiful one.


----------



## fenix (Apr 22, 2006)

A beautiful name for a beautiful little soul.







I'm so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

I'm sorry


----------



## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Oh mama, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet baby. I was very surprised to see this thread here. I am glad that your family is supporting and honoring you and this very difficult experience.








Willow Rebecca


----------



## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I am really thankful for all of your support here mamas. Here's a little update on me.

After how I've been feeling this week, I honestly think I've been anemic for a long time. Like since my 2 year old son's birth, possibly even longer than that. For the last 2+ years I needed 10 or more hours of sleep but still was waking up tired and sluggish. I had no energy and if I cleaned my house, I would have to sit down afterwards and basically can't function beyond a couple of hours of activity. But since I've been taking my iron supplement regularly and just generally taking good care of myself for the first time in like, forever, I am getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night and waking up feeling rested! And energy, oh my goodness. My house is spotless and I don't drag through my whole day in a fog of exhaustion. My DD is still waking like she has for the last 14 months so it has nothing to do with that. It's got to be the iron I've been taking. I literally feel like a new person.

I still have my up and down days emotionally, dealing with this loss, but my physical healing has been amazing, and has actually gotten me to the point where I feel better than I did prior to my loss.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)




----------



## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)




----------



## PNWmama (Sep 2, 2006)

I'm thinking of you and your sweet baby girl. I'm so glad that you are starting to feel better physically.


----------



## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Oh, DID, I'm sorry. I just saw our siggy today, must have missed seeing any other posts by you. Did you get to plant her tree? That is so precious. I'm thinking of you today.














:


----------



## fuel1316 (May 22, 2008)

im sorry to hear about everything you and your husband are going through. the tree idea is very beautiful. i planted a rose bush just yesterday for my baby (only 5 weeks old) the rose bush is called hope. it helps having something you can talk to and be next to, to help grieve.


----------



## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maggirayne* 
Oh, DID, I'm sorry. I just saw our siggy today, must have missed seeing any other posts by you. Did you get to plant her tree? That is so precious. I'm thinking of you today.














:

I planted a willow bush in a pot so if we move we can take it with us. I buried my beloved baby's remains at the bottom.


----------



## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
I planted a willow bush in a pot so if we move we can take it with us. I buried my beloved baby's remains at the bottom.
















What a beautiful way to remember Willow Rebecca.

How are you doing these days, mama?


----------



## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Words are fairly insufficient to describe the journey of continuing on with your life after a loss, huh? I have my good days and my bad days. I have angry days and sad days, and days where I don't even think about it. I am trying to stay busy and active and present with my family, but there are moments where it is impossible.


----------



## Changed (Mar 14, 2004)

You're in my thoughts and heart mama.


----------



## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
Words are fairly insufficient to describe the journey of continuing on with your life after a loss, huh? I have my good days and my bad days. I have angry days and sad days, and days where I don't even think about it. I am trying to stay busy and active and present with my family, but there are moments where it is impossible.









Thinking of you, strong mama.


----------



## Eben'sMama (Jun 29, 2006)

Oh, DID, I am so sorry for your loss.
















Sweet Baby Willow


----------

