# I hate baby showers



## Nate'sMom (Jul 14, 2006)

When will I stop feeling bitter? My neighbor is pregnant and her baby shower is tomorrow. The thought of going is so overwhelming that I've been stressing about it for 2 weeks!! I know I can't go, or I will be in a bad mood all day. I don't want to be like this. We lost our son over 9 months ago at 30 weeks.... it feels like yesterday. I just want to be a normal person again. I want to be happy for people who are pregnant and I want to be around babies and not feel sad. It's not fair. How do you all cope with being around pregnant people and how can I get over my bitterness?


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## gabysmom617 (Nov 26, 2005)




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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

I feel completely like you do. I get stressed out very easy when I hear about babies being born and happy parents. I admire you though, there is no way I could even consider going to a baby shower anytime soon. Just walking by the baby section in a store triggers some deep emotions in me. I lost my baby 3 months ago and it feels just like yesterday too. What's worse is just when I feel like I'm starting to feel like myself again something triggers it and I am a blubbering idiot again. I also feel the bitterness that you do. Hubby and I went out to eat the other night and there was another woman in the restaurant near us that was very clearly pregnant and kept rubbing her belly over and over again. I told hubby that I felt like going over and telling her she looked stupid doing that over and over.
I would say that if it is stressing you out that bad, don't go. Just send a gift card instead. That way you don't actually have to go to the baby section and buy a gift. Just say you were under the weather and were sorry you couldn't make it.
Hugs to you.


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## Gray's Mommy (Jul 8, 2005)

Can you get out of it since you aren't feeling up to attending? Maybe you can have your DH drop off the gift if you already purchased it?

It took me a long time to feel normal again...
You'll be ready when you are ready and you can't force it.







to you!!


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## Frankiesmom (Nov 26, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel. I am already dreading the thought of going to my dear friends baby shower in February. I am truly happy for her, but I know that I will break-down during the baby shower and I think that I will make people uncomfortable. Plus, I know that there will be a lot of pregnant women there (besides my friend) and that will upset me too. I feel so bad though, because she threw my baby shower. I don't know what to do.


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## Mary-Beth (Nov 20, 2001)

Don't go. Be gentle with yourself. You do not sound ready for this.

Send over a gift either to the shower or just to her at another time.

Do something nice for yourself.

The day will come when you will go to another baby shower. Be patient with yourself for now though.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

I am 15 months out and do not feel ready for this at all. I've been invited to 2 showers since I lost Reagan and one was for a 16 yo (DH's cousin) and I refused to go. The other was for my best friend and I truly couldn't go. We had a lot of other obligations on the same day, but I probably would've gone to hers had we not had so much going on.


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## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

It's been over a year for me, and even though I'm expecting in March, I don't want to go to any showers or have one for myself. I don't think anyone should attend a shower if they don't feel up to it. Forget about feeling obligated! A Jewish friend told me that traditionally they don't have baby showers or get the room ready or buy for the baby until _after_ they are born. Doesn't that make sense? They don't want to jinx it. I like that tradition and have told friends and family that I do not want a shower or any type of celebration until after the baby is born. I also bowed out of two close friends' showers last summer. I sent gifts in the mail. It is now my policy that I don't "do" baby showers. I don't really care if I offend anyone in the process. Why put yourself through something difficult like that? They should understand.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Still not over it.

No showers for me yet. I am too sad and a bit bitter, and the rational part of my brain knows that's not fair. Unfortunately the emotional part of my brain clearly is much bigger . . . .


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

It has been over 4 years since my daughter was stillborn at 29w. It was a long time before I went to a baby shower--over a year, maybe even a year and a half. Even so, I told the family ahead of time that it was difficult for me, and that I may decided not to go at the last minute, and they were very understanding. When the day came, it was important to me that I attend--I needed to go for myself, to prove to myself that I wasn't going to let bitterness be the legacy of my daughter. I still didn't participate fully, but I went. I kept busy helping and doing, and that helped a lot. I think that giving yourself permission NOT to go might be helpful, as would calling and explaining to them how difficult it will be for you if you do decide to go. I did not, however, buy her clothing, as I still could not go through the aisles of little girl clothes without breaking down (it's still hard for me, expecially the Easter and Christmas dresses). I gave her Burt's Bees stuff instead.


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## strmis (Dec 31, 2006)

I know I'mn late to this thread, but I just wanted to share my sentiments as well. My friend is having a baby shower and is only 2 weeks ahead of where I would be right now. The thought of going did not even cross my mind, let alone the thought of watching people play those games that are cheesy but so fun (if you've never been through a miscarriage).

Did you end up going? (you don't have to answer if you're not comfy with it, of course) Whatever decision you made i'm sure was the right one for yourself!!

I don't now when I'll ever be able to go to one, although I know its difficult for me to comprehend when its still so raw.

I even came across photos of another girl I know who is also two weeks ahead of where I would be and I just can't get the images of her cute pregnant self out of my head!


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

I don't do baby showers anymore. My best friend had one a couple weeks ago and I just could.not.do.it. It hurt- burned inside. Do not feel bad for not going. You do what you need to to take care of YOU. I'm sure they won't be offended. Just tell them the truth. Baby showers are still extremely hard for you to even consider going to one at this point in your grieving process is just out of the question.


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## SamuraiMom (Nov 7, 2006)

I am planning my best friends shower, I was due 9 days before her. But for me it is almost therapeutic. She is going through a lot lately, and I have vowed to stand by her and be there for her through whatever she needs. I don't think I could do it for anyone else, nope, I couldn't. My SIL is due two weeks before I was, I don't even like to be around her, and I like her! But my BF has waited a long time for this baby and I feel as though I am sharing in her experience. I will plan her shower and be at her birth in her home. I dont know what emotions will be brought on, but I don't think it would do me any good to anticipate how I will feel. Right now, I am just happy for her. But again, I could not do it for anyone else.

Samantha, mama to Sarah/8







, Sami/4







, Rachel/2.5







,
Zachary







(1.4.07) 2nd trim m/c


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

It has been two years (well, in two more weeks) and I have not been to a shower since. It's OK! A friend gave me "permission" after losing my baby boy never to go to a baby shower again- I give that now to you. (((hugs))))


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