# Confessions, CIO, I'm mentally unstable



## MBA (May 22, 2005)

I decided to start seeing a therapist last week because I have been really usnatble (flying off the handle, easily upset, crying, insomnia -despite my best efforst to stay balanced by meditating and doing yoga). i have seen her on and off for several years, so I trusted her. her take on my situation was that I needed more sleep. DD needs one hour at least of parenting to sleep for each of her 2 naps and bedtime, and then she wakes up every hour or so if we're not plastered to her, and then she wakes up to nurse three times at night. Well, i agreed.....I was having trouble keeping up with this routine. babysitting is not an option as we are more than broke. Neither is family - they are either far away or craaazy... So her first priority for getting me better was getting DD to sleep on her own. She recommended I have her CIO Ferber style and I did. For 1.5 hours the first night, 45 min the second night. I swore I would never do this, but I really am at my wit's end. I get this rage toward DD when she won;t fall asleep and it is obviously unhealthy. But the CIO made things worse. She was so tired that she woke more frequently that night, was more upset when she did wake, and wouldn;t nap the next day. She looked like a zombie - no laughs, smiles, coos, etc. I saw firsthand that it was just not working for us. This wasn;t teaching her anything except abandonment and stress and sleep deprivation - none of which are good for a little developing person. Now I am trying to help her get more comfortable falling asleep in my arms without so much intervention (I used to do so much to lull her to sleep - including literally closing her eyelids for her!!!!). So she cried in my arms today for almost 2 hours, and when she did fall asleep, she woke instantly when I tried to lay her down. She appeared to be in deep sleep but woke instantly in a panic. My therapist says that whatever we do we have to be consistent. i agree. I don't feel I can rock her for three hours a day and have no time to myself and interrupted sleep right now. I am desperate - i want to enjoy motherhood. i don;t want to feel this way. i can;t beleive I was actually convinced to CIO. But what should I do??? I know no one can tell me, but please help. the only advice I get from professionals, family and friends is CIO. Please help!!!!!!


----------



## MBA (May 22, 2005)

PS my beautiful DD is nearly 10 months old.


----------



## cielle (Apr 14, 2002)

Are you open to medication for yourself? Pulling yourself out of depression will make things easier, obviously.

Do you have a partner who can help with bedtimes?

Are you able to drive her around in the car to get her to sleep? Not every time, just when you are desperate? You could sit in the car and sleep yourself or read while she sleeps.

Do you have a sling? Would you be open to "wearing her down" for naps? Once she's asleep in the sling you could sit in a chair and sleep.

Have you read no cry sleep solution? You might find some help in that book.

Make sure you get some alone time if at all possible - everyday!


----------



## newmainer (Dec 30, 2003)

is your dh willing to do some of the sleep routine? do you nurse her to sleep? do you have a routine that you do?

sorry to start off with a battery of questions, but those are the first things that come to mind. when my dd was about that age, my dh had to rock/sing her to sleep. she often cried in his arms, but it was the only way; when i did it she got all frustrated at the breast and it did not work.

is she teething? sometimes my dd would gnaw on a frozen washcloth or something for relief and that would help her sleep.

The No Cry Sleep Solution has some good ideas about creating a predictable, sleepy-inducing routine that you do for every nap and every bedtime. While i didn't find that the book was a silver bullet for me, it did have some good ideas that we incorporated with some success.

I think the age your dd at is hard with sleep- they are becoming so much more aware and capable in their world and sleep needs conflict with exploration/developmental needs.

I know many don't push any sleep time at all, which is hard because baby sleep=your time, but if you followed her cues and gave up expectations of *when* she would fall asleep, then at least you may alleviate that frustration of spending over an hour getting her to sleep.

driving? not a good long term solution, but if it works... i drove my dd for naps for months. it was the easiest on all of us.

i'm just throwing out anything i can think of, because i can read the desperation in your post and i've been there! The sleep is *so* hard...

Finally- can you get "me" time from your dh when dd is awake if you can't get it while she's sleeping?

good luck... i hope a few small things start to work...


----------



## MBA (May 22, 2005)

My DH helps a lot, but he works long hours so I am the one oding sleep routines 90% of the time. We do have a routine, which she knows well, and I start it when she shows signs of sleepiness. I really do feel she needs the sleep - there have been increasing times lately when I just let her go and she was staying up sooooo late. It didn't seme healthy, I thought she really needed help from me to get there. The other thing is that she sleeps better overall if she is sleeping better, so letting her go on and on kind of makes the whole thing worse. Driving is sort of an option - who wants to drive, though? it takes her a good 45 minutes to fall asleep in the car anyway. She doesn;t really fall asleep in the stroller anymore either. She loves riding in slings but never sleeps in them - I've tried. She does not nurse to sleep - she usually perks up a bit after she nurses nowadays. I dont think it's because of teething. her sleep problems started appearing around 4 months and have progressively gotten worse. I am definitely open to medication if I thought it would work. is there a med that can make you think that you have money to pay your bills, time with your DH, a nice mom, and a sleeping baby???!! (like the "mother's little helper" in the Rolling Stones song?!)

Even once we solve this sleep problem, there's still the challange of finding me time, and maybe someday my DH and I will actually sit together alone.

Is it always this hard? I'm seriously thinking about getting my tubes tied (joke).


----------



## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I was getting pretty frustrated with ds taking a while to get to sleep, or just not being ready for bed. So I started watching tv at "bedtime" (which was really just when we went to the bedroom- he'd sometimes play a bit). I turned it really low, so I could just barely hear it, and turned the captions on.
I know that doesn't help you get MORE sleep (well, it could actually, in a roundabout way, if your dd goes to sleep more peacefully on her own terms) but at least it might keep you from getting too frustrated that dd isn't going to sleep quickly.

I actually got better sleep when I let ds get himself to sleep. We'd go to bed, and I'd just let him do what he wanted- if he wanted to nurse, we did. But I didn't try to "make" him nurse to sleep, kwim? He'd play quietly, or try to get comfy. (and I'd watch tv so I wasn't focused on the sleep I wasn't getting. We went a long time with no tv at bedtime before that, so I know the tv did not make the sleeping worse). I think it helped him figure out ways that HE could get to sleep (but his favorite way has always been nursing)

Oh- something that worked well was "wearing him down." I'd sling him, or carry him, while I straightened the house up. He'd get real drowsy and go to sleep eventually IF (and that's a big if) I wasn't *trying* to get him to go to sleep. So we had to keep the lights on, etc. I stopped cuz he was just so heavy, and nursing to sleep was WAYYY easier, even if he did wake up more often.

I'd definitely say to NOT put your dd down asleep for a while. If she falls asleep with you there, stay with her, at least for a while. Take naps with her. Try to get her to sleep alone after she feels secure again, and not afraid of being alone.
I've found too that its easier to put ds down after he's asleep, if I wait about 15 min, and lay down on my back with him on top of me. Then I move him off of me slowly in stages. I think it helps avoid the shock of going from warm living body to cold bed.


----------



## bobica (May 31, 2004)

ITA with the pp's- trying meds can be hugely beneficial. The no cry sleep solution was a big help for us too.


----------



## MBA (May 22, 2005)

Deva33 - good advice on holding her while she sleeps for a bit. i agree. My poor forearms are so tired they are twitching though!!! I wish I could let her fall asleep on her own in our bed, but she tries to crawl off and climb over the headboard. It's a little too stressful. So instead I have her in my lap in the rocker and let her do whatever, but just prevent her from climbing out. i figured it was a smaller "bubble" of containment.


----------



## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I wish I could say i was surprised that a dr would prescribe CIO but I have heard it many times. It is proven that CIO causes major developmental issues. Turning happy cuddly baby's into withdrawn untrusting ones. CIO teaches a child there is no one they can depend on when they are scared and alone. When I thought of CIO with my kids I would always think how would I feel if I was alone and scared and screaming for help and no one came.







That really put it into perspective for me. CIO is never a option.

Med's will help take the edge off and things will not seem a bleak. I know that for me that was the case the problems were still there but they were not as all consuming any more. I would defiantly go the meds route (zoloft and a few others very safe while bfing) instead of risking damaging your growing child. Good Luck

There was a thread in gentel disipline about CIO and the things it caused. I forget were right now maybe search for CIO in that forum and see if it pops up.


----------



## smilla653 (Jul 11, 2005)

I'm so sorry. That sounds rough. Motherhood is hard enough without your therapist giving you parenting advice to CIO.

Just a few additional ideas:

Is it possible your baby is teething? My DS always becomes more wakeful (to put it euphemistically) when he is working on a tooth. Try Motrin one night if there seem to be signs she is teething.

There are some days when I have to do what one of the PPs mentioned: get into bed with my baby and let him roll around and do whatever until he gets sleepy. Rubbing his back helps sometimes, too.

Relieve yourself of bedtime duty one night and go see a movie or have dinner with your friends and let DH watch her. I have found this to be really helpful.

Also, this sounds dumb, but having everything completely dark helped. It never used to matter, but all of a sudden around 9 months DS wouldn't nap, wouldn't sleep well, and I had an aha moment and closed the window shade or turned off the light and it helped.


----------



## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Oh my gosh. My middle child was just like that and I feel your pain. We too tried CIO and it did nothing (she cried non stop in our arms or out unless we were holding her just so.. its not like it was a huge diference.) She would be in a deep sleep and the minute I turned toward her crib she would be stiff as starch and screaming. but we couldn't leave her in bed alone because she would wake up and crawl out. but more than aything i needed to put that baby down and not be touched. I had come to hate every minute she was in my arms and i would cry when she woke up after 15-20 minutes of being asleep.

I understand the frustration, the resentment, all of it. it was so bad we decided we couldn't have any more children. i absolutely could not do this again. funny thing was is I was already pregnant and didn't know it.









SO here are some things that helped:

she was definitely over tired and once we logged some hours in her she slept better and better the mroe rested she got. So maybe for a week or so dedicate yourself to getting her to leep. drive around in the car, hold her just so do what you have to do, use herbs or something to induce sleep (normally I wouldn't recommend this but if it breaks the ne sleep cycle it could really help. herbs for Kids has somthing called Chamomile Calm. There are of course more mainstream ways people knock thier kids out)

also get as much sleep as you can. sleep at night, sleep at nap time, sleep every chance you get.

next what we did- routien routien routien. we decied we had given 24 months of go with the flow a try so we were going to start doing the exact opposite. I got her up bright and early every morning. nap and bed time were scheduled. I figured regardless of what her "signals" told me she was just tired all the time so any time was as good as the next for sleeping. we did the same things every day. ate at the same times, ate the same stuff, went for the same walk at the same time, watched the same TV program at the same time, played with the same toys even (this was only for a short while). Bedtime and naptime (she didn't actually nap but we were acting on faith) each had an elaborate routien, complete with lavender scented everything (can't blame a mom for hoping), classical music, room darkening, in the same place on the bed, with the same lovey and blankets, same words spoken etc etc. I had it written out to the minute. (this is so not me.) My older dd was totally on board. she hadn't ben able to sleep well for 24 months either and would have done just about anything to get this baby to sleep and have her mommy back some).

I night weaned at about 14 months and stopped nursing to sleep when we started this. she would use nursing as a way to stay awake and it would go on for hours and hours. she would drift off only to wake up when I pried my bleeding nipple from her clenched jaw . . . .She was still allowed to nurse during the day but never really did.

we also moved her out of our bed at about a year. she did start sleeping better there. never slept in a crib but a nice soft, non-bouncy, quiet mattress (futons are perfect since they have no springs or extremely muffled ones) helped her sleep better. but getting her to sleep was still a nightmare that would go on for hours and hours. but at least she was sleping for 5-6 hour stretches at night..

and Lily was past this but your dd is still pretty young. have you tried putting her to sleep on her stomach. I am convinced a big part of lily's problem is that she is a tummy sleeper. my 3rd stated off a horrible sleeper and at about 4 weeks old she fell asleep on her tummy. she slept for 3 1/2 hours before I woke her up and was a dream from that point on (we never looked back. she slept on her tummy from then on out. the benifits out weighed the risk) . she was the baby you kiss good night and lay them down awake and then they coo themselves to sleep. I am convinced a lot of sleep problems are because some babies just can't feel comfortable on thier back.

so she responded well to the routien (as well as the no nursing to sleep). very well. within 3 days she went from a 1AM bedtime to a 8PM bedtime ad was falling asleep in under an hour. by the end of the week she was falling asleep before nap time and taking 2-3 hour naps (she had not taken a nap during the day since she was 8-12 weeks old). within 2 weeks we could drastically cut back on the routiens and while she is still th last one down at night her overall sleep has improved tremedously. once she started sleeping better she was healthier and chubbed up quite a bit (she lost weight between 4 and 10 months and only gained a pound or two between 10 and 24). And her disposition improved drastically. She actualy did know how to smile. over the course of several weeks she became a whole new child. I got some rest and became a much better mommy . . and then about 6 weeks later had my third one and stated al over







but like i said she was so easy.

good luck. I hope things get better for you. i agree with your therapist that getting some sleep will go mile and miles and miles. I say try sleep before drugs.


----------



## MBA (May 22, 2005)

Thanks everyone for your advice. I realized that my therapists recommendations ot try and "fix" her sleep pronto actually caused more stress, less sleep, and made me really quite insane. i am still working on helping DD fall asleep with less of a fight, by reducing all the interventions I have been using to lull her to sleep, and starting the routine at the same times every day. today, she fell asleep for both naps in my lap with few attempts to climb away. She fell asleep faster already. I am laying her in our bed instead of the crib, and seriously thinking about throwing that damn thing away. Maybe we'll get a twin futon and put a video monitor in there or something.

Just wanted to report that I am feeling much more human and able to think more clearly. Wow, that's an improvement!


----------



## Treece (Apr 5, 2006)

I have a few suggestions. OK, I totally know what it's like to be the main or only adult present for the baby. My ds is 18 months old, and I have always been there at least 90-100% of the time.

When he was 10 mo, we drove around ALOT (read: eo to every night.) He grew out of it a few months ago (one day I realized we weren't doing it anymore).

He sleeps with me. This helps ALOT. He still wakes around 12 if Im not beside him. Not a problem I sleep better near him. I don't wonder if he's ok.

OK, we have a loose routine (we don't do it at nap time, tho). SOmetimes this works wonders, sometimes not.

Mainly, I follow his lead. (Sounds like you do to







) Just hang in there. I promise it should get better. My ds goes easily down to a nap (if he's ready) and same for bedtime, but that's NOW after months of work. I wish you luck. It was heartwrenching (and stressful) when he cried in my arms. I got no sleep, but we both survived.


----------



## SugarAndSun (Feb 6, 2005)

I second the dark thing. I have shades and two layers of velvet curtains on our windows and I am still looking to make it darker. I may put something across the top of the curtain rods.

Also, white noise really helps. We keep a giant humidfier running even if there is no water in it until we go to bed. This blocks out all sounds.

When all else fails and I am exhausted, we drive.

I also find that too much craziness before bed makes bedtime hard. A good hour of focussed play is the best thing before bed.


----------



## joy11 (Jul 31, 2005)

I have been working on this issue with DS (9.5 mos) also, because I also was losing my sanity from sleep depravation. Not to the extent you are talking about, but I would just be barely making it through each day and repeating to myself over and over that I am only having ONE child. And I'm not joking. I have been working on getting him to go to sleep on his own without CIO. I nurse/rock him to sleep (which can take a long time, as he gets down and plays, gets up and nurses, gets back down, etc.) and once he is asleep, I lay him down on his futon by our bed, and he always wakes up when he hits the mattress, but has now learned to put himself to sleep from there. I used to have to lay down beside him and nurse him back to sleep and then sneak away.

This was working to drastically cut down his night wakings from 9-10 times a night to only 4 or 5. It only took about 4 days of working with him on it and he got it. THEN he started teething again!







: So, now this most recent tooth is finally in, and we are back to square one. But, at least I see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Other thing I did was put a large size disposable diaper on him at night, and this cut out at least 1-2 wakings from wetting his clothes. Also, when I'd have to change his diaper and clothes, 90% of the time he would then be up for HOURS afterwards. So, this helped a lot. He got down to about 3 wakings after that. I was in heaven for a few days! Hoping to get back there soon.

I totally understand the feeling of helplessness and overwhelming desire to do something, as you simply can not take it another day. The exhaustion is horrible when you can't enjoy the day b/c it takes all your energy just to feed yourself and baby and keep them entertained when all you want to do is sleep. Can't think straight, can't remember things, etc. AP parenting is HARD. The good things in life are worth working for, though. I know some people say AP parenting (or parenting in general) is easy, but I think they must have easy children. LOL. But, I obviously don't have the stamina of other moms on this board, to whom I bow down to your feet! I do think that AP is best, and it sets the foundation for long-term and that is beautiful to watch. You are to be commended for sticking it out no matter how hard it gets--even at the expense of your own sanity. But, something does have to give. I told myself that as well, that DS deserves a whole mother, not one who is a fragment of her former self. And, if that means he has to give a little and learn a little, then so be it.

Anyway, hang in there, and just make it through one day at a time. That is what I do--I just think at the end of each day "what did I do fun with DS today? What did I teach him? What made him laugh? What affection did I give him/him me?" And, I then I think to myself what a wonderful day it was watching him grow as a person, and also thank God it's one day closer to independence!


----------



## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

This is as bad as it gets. Honestly. Once a baby turns 1, they have more understanding and at 2 you can start talking: but at 9/10 months, bedtimes can be an absolute nightmare.
We tried CIO with my eldest. I'm not going to tell you that it's bad and evil because right now you're sleep deprived and the last thing you need is someone telling you that you've harmed your daughter: but it doesn't work. What worked, in the end, was age and maturity: he hit the point of understanding that the sun would come up in the morning and he could start playing all over again, and so he stopped fighting sleep. By three he was sleeping 10 hours straight, and by 5 he stopped getting up at 5.30 am.
I don't think your mood is solely down to sleep deprivation. I've noticed that whenever I get sloppy about taking my EFA supplements then my mood gets worse and worse; tearful, depressed, broken crockery, the works. Don't forget, you don't only need Omega 3's for yourself, but also you're still your growing daughter's main supply of them. I'd try supplementing and see what happens.


----------



## Jenlaana (Oct 28, 2005)

I have had some periods of time that I would classify as mental instability since my daughter joined us in October. I totally feel your pain with that. I don't know if you've tried this, but can you maybe just forget about non-baby stuff for awhile? Like, bedtime with my daughter drives me NUTS if I am planning on doing something once she falls asleep, and she senses it and then takes even longer to go to sleep. I get so frustrated when I try to do too much, or expect my daughter to do something and she simply wont or cant do it. It sounds so simple, but every few weeks I have to readjust my priorities all over again to make her my only focus and do whatever else I have to when she doesn't need me, if ever.

Also, in regards to bedtime, I don't really have a schedule for naps, just for bedtime (8:30pm-9ish), but we just moved into a home where I could designate one room just for sleeping (our bedrom - we cosleep). It seems like she really understands what we're there for, when we go in and lay on the bed. I also do one last diaper change and put footy pj's on her after eating dinner (her only "real" meal of the day) which has seemed to help lately.


----------



## MBA (May 22, 2005)

Wow, thank you all so much


----------



## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

Oy.







I have sooooooooo been there. It sucks big time. Glad you got some good advice. My ds was/is a horrible sleeper, and I agree, routine routine routine...it helps a LOT. Also darkness and maybe use some white noise? We point a box fan at the wall and turn it on low setting for good white noise, it really does help. We also play a lovely soft lullaby (instrumental only) CD every night at bedtime and naptime too.

I'm also a human advertisement for Dr. Sears' Fussy Baby Book, it was a Godsend for me. The advice it offered was nice, but the best thing about it was the "oh thank goodness, SOMEONE GETS IT" feeling it gave me.








Bless your heart. It gets better....eventually.







I promise.


----------



## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MBA*
I'm seriously thinking about getting my tubes tied (joke).

When I read that it reminded me of when ds was that age- every night I would come out of the bedroom after finally getting ds to sleep at like 12:00 midnight after 2 hours or more of nursing and singing and rocking, etc and say "I will NEVER do this again! I'm getting my %*$# tubes tied!"

But it DEFINATELY gets easier. Around 7-8 months I saw a pretty dramatic improvement- taking much less time to get to sleep, sleeping longer without me right next to him, etc.
What helped ds was 1) taking him to the chiropractor- I saw a drastic improvement in his sleep within 2 visits 2) playing a white noise CD/ having a loud fan running while I was nursing him and leaving it on all night 3) when I was at my wits end I would drink a glass of wine or 2 and he really would get to sleep a lot easier- I think it mellowed both of us out. *not trying to advocate drinking per say, but like I said it did help on those nights when he was just so keyed up and I started getting anxious and such.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I don't know your whole situation, but honestly I don't think meds are in order- it sounds to me like you are extremely sleep deprived and that can really do a number on your mental state- I hope some of the things mamas here suggest will help.


----------



## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

I was just thinking...what is your baby's temperament? temperament has alot to do with sleep. my oldest dd (now 4) was a horrible sleeper and mommy was also sleep depreived. we tried a brief (45 minutes) of cio before we gave up. then we tried to give her a routine , worked briefly then she would change it, finally, we realized her temperament had everything to do with sleep. we was a happy baby but a needy baby...she prefferred us holding her to anything and would wake up as soon as we put her down (we tried all the tricks, tummy sleeping, warm blanket, music, lights, curtains etc) nothing worked until her system, and her emotions felt filled and then she was content. this happend at about 4 months. very tough, but we got through it with alot of tears and stress, then she slept through the night, napped for 2-3hrs 2x a day and was a much happier baby.
*oy* what a horrible time. I loved my babe so much but if my hubby didn't help with the night time stuff I would have gone nuts. he would stay up or get dd from 9-1ish and i would sleep. then we swicthed to an every other night routine. every other night one of us would be on call. this guarnteed mt alot more sleep







worked very well. but furst dd was formula fed do to my anixety.stress.


----------



## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

I was actually coming to this forum to post about my very similar problems when I saw your post! My DD is 6.5 months, I am having lots of problems with PPD and PTSD, and I get extremely frustrated when she won't go to sleep! We have used the No Cry Sleep Solutionwith some success, but she doesn't like to go to sleep (being awake is too exciting for her) and right now I think there is a new tooth coming in, she has a cold, and is taking Albuterol (which I am really not so sure about). She isn't even nursing to sleep really well at all, and DH is out driving her around right now to get her to sleep, sigh. I did even sort of try CIO the other day when my parents were here, telling me that was what I should do, because that is what they did. I told my mom while we sat there and listened to DD scream for five minutes that it is mean. She agreed with me that it was, but said you should still do it WTH!!!!
So, I was glad to see your post, I am not alone.


----------



## Nora'sMommy (Mar 19, 2006)

We're still having issues with our 15 mo dd. But the one thing that made our situation a ton better was to let her cio in daddy's arms, after our bedtime routine and after nursing. It took a few nights and it was difficult to listen to but after about 3 nights she expected daddy to come in and fell asleep with him. When she falls asleep with daddy she does a good 4 hour stretch which never happens when I put her to sleep.

If daddy's home in the evenings at least? This can be a good alternative to leaving her to cio alone in her crib.


----------



## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

Albuterol's wicked side effect is hyperactivity. It makes you wired. Especially kids. Let me guess...you're having to give the treatment right before bed, of course? Ugh. That sucks.










I have been there, I have sooooooo been there. Boy oh boy have I been there. It sucks. You want to punch the lights out of people who complain that their child doesn't "sleep through the night" at 3 or 4 weeks. I have a TWO YEAR OLD who still doesn't sleep through every night.

What saved my marriage and sanity was rotating night duty with dh. It felt so wrong and I felt soooooo guilty at first, but I got over it quickly.

We have been rotating night duty for about 10 months now, and it's so helpful. Whomever has night duty gets up with ds in the morning, changes his diaper and gets him dressed and feeds him bfast. Days like today, when ds had a horrible day and didn't nap long, I console myself with "at least it's dh's night to be on duty."










Can you pump? Will she take a bottle? I know it's not ideal, but heck....whatever helps save your sanity.


----------



## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Just a couple helpful tools I use when my dd is having a hard time falling/staying asleep: Hylands Calmes tablets for kids and badger sleep balm. They help destress mamas too









I hope your situation improves soon, this must be very hard for your family.


----------



## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CryPixie83*
JHylands Calmes tablets for kids

We use those too, I'll swear by them. The bottle says for kiddos ages 2 and up, but truth be told, we started giving them to ds when he was 16 mos. old and just gave half the dose.

Yes, we were desperate.


----------



## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Finch- I'm like you, we've been using the Calms tablets long before the recommended age, but they're homeopathic (like the teething tablets) and honestly your dc could eat the whole bottle (well, minus the bottle) and I think poison control would probably laugh at you if you called it in. I think they put 2 years as a 'just covering our butts" type of thing.


----------



## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CryPixie83*
Finch- I'm like you, we've been using the Calms tablets long before the recommended age, but they're homeopathic (like the teething tablets) and honestly your dc could eat the whole bottle (well, minus the bottle) and I think poison control would probably laugh at you if you called it in. I think they put 2 years as a 'just covering our butts" type of thing.

ITA.







That's how I rationalized using them, I'd heard from a mom who's kid ate a bunch of teething tablets and actually called PC and they said that exactly...the kid could have eaten the whole bottle and been just fine.

Incidentally, they work very well. Usually 3 doses does the trick for ds. I love those things. I should buy stock in Hyland's







.


----------



## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

The kids Calm Forte tablets work pretty well for ds- especially on nights when he is wired from not having a long enough nap or something like that. I started giving them to him at about 9 months old. The Hyland's teething gel works really well too. If I remember correctly, around 6 months ds was teething so bad and I didn't realize it at first- his gums weren't swollen and he didn't seem to be in pain, just restless and unable to get comfortable no matter what I did. I tried the teething gel, figuring it couldn't hurt and it helped a lot.


----------



## MBA (May 22, 2005)

I have started with a strict naptime routine which starts at the same times every day. i let DD fidget in my lap a bit the first day, but then I got more directive, laying her back down and saying"it's time to go to sleep now". She has gone form taking over an hour to fall asleep to 5-20 minutes in 4 days!!!!!!!!

Now I am working on helping her fall back to sleep at night, as she wakes up about 5-6 times. Still tired, still exhausted, but maybe there's hope. I also realize as her schedule is improving, that my mood is a really big part of this. Apparently I have been showing symptoms of PPD for these 10 months - maybe it just took me this long to realize, "hey it's not just the new baby thing anymore." I am seeing a shrink soon to discuss meds, if they might help.

You guys are lifesavers though. Thanks for your advice, stories and encouragement. I knew CIO didn;t fit into my parenting, but i was so desperate. At least now I remember who I am and I'm not doubting so much.


----------



## Jennisee (Nov 15, 2004)

Since the age of around 5 months, my now-2-year-old DD will wake up the moment I set her down in a crib or bed. I don't know if it's the cold of the sheets or the change in position. What did work was setting up a mattress on the floor next to our bed, lying down next to her, nursing her to sleep, and then carefully sneaking out. This way, she isn't disturbed once she's asleep. We still cosleep once I do go to bed, and she still wakes to nurse every 1-3 hours, but I can now get some free time during her nap or at night. OR, I have the option of cosleeping or conapping with her the entire time if I need the sleep. (Yes, you read that right, LOL. My two year old can still wake up hourly to nurse.)

Additionally, we keep our bedroom very dark with heavy curtains, and have a white noise machine. We also have a wind-down bedtime routine that starts with lowering the lights and noise level, having a snack, taking a bath, brushing teeth, cuddling and nursing on the couch, and then nursing to sleep on the mattress on the floor.


----------



## annarosa (Aug 30, 2004)

there are lots of good suggestions here and ideas - hope some of it helps

I wanted to say something about the rage that you mention you feel when you are waiting for dd to fall asleep - of course this is sleep-deprived-related - I used to get the same when I was so desperate for dd to fall asleep and it just took forever

what helped me with this was to basically stop waiting for her to go to sleep before I took time for myself. What I mean is, I used to lie there and nurse her and just switch off my brain and try not to be concerned about how long it was taking but instead do a relaxation myself or a creative visualisation about relaxing and lying in the sun or something - this might sound a bit weird but detaching myself from the situation meant that I was no longer mad at the time it was taking. It's just a mental trick and takes about a week of practice .....it might help
oh also - throw the clock out of the bedroom - don't even look at the time


----------



## I'm A CocoNut (Jul 22, 2004)

Goodness, MBA...

Hugshugshugs to you...

I'm so sorry you are going through this...I have *so* been there...am still there, over 3 years later....jeesh, I'm going to burst into tears right now. It seems that you have received some wonderful support and advice from some wonderful mamas....I wish I had some advice to offer....

I couldn't just read and not say something, I had to send a hug your way and take a deep breath for you.

Warmly,
Jennifer


----------



## MamaKalena (Jun 17, 2005)

There was a period between 8 months-13 months that DS slept on my lap on the couch almost every night until it was time to go to bed. I think it was a combination of colds/teething/developmental challenges that was causing him to wake up. My general rule was: I'd lay him down in our bed (or try to) then sneak away. If he woke up frequently within that first hour, I'd just bring him downstairs and let him sleep on my lap or DH's. I found that trying to make him sleep by himself drove both him and me batty, so I just tried to roll with the punches.

That said, it was often hard to sit on the couch when I didn't want to. There were so many other things I'd rather have done! But I got some downtime and for the most part, I loved the all the cuddle with DS. (I miss it sometimes!) He'd sleep right through the TV. If he woke up, I'd nurse him back to sleep. I know he knew he was down in the family room with us because occasionally he'd open his eyes and look around. DH and I watched a ton of good movies during that time and became big Sex in the City addicts (if you can't have it, it's fun to watch others having it!).

Then suddenly, after the cold season and around 14 months old, he just started sleeping better and we could lay him down before bed for a few hours. He'll usually wake up once or twice, but is usually fine for 2-3 hours by himself. After we go to bed, he still wakes up anywhere from 2-10 times, but at least we have some free time again in the evenings.

Hang in there MBA! I know it's SO hard... but it'll get better.


----------



## monstermama (Feb 19, 2006)

So glad you are feeling more stable.

I was taking what felt like a million mg of Fish Oil. I got the no-cry sleep solution and tried some of those techniques, too.

Because my dh works long hard late hours, I pushed through the sleep deprivation, thinking that he needed sleep and I shouldn't get him up to help but I learned a lesson from a friend who had severe PPD. . if you start feeling like the sleep deprivation is coming back--let him take over before it gets bad again so you can work off some of the sleep debt. If Dh took over at nighttime for 1-2 nights baby might be comforted enough to let you sleep and even though dh might feel trashed for a couple of days, he isn't making milk, he gets breaks from childcaring and he can handle it for a couple of days.

He can do it. If my dh could, anybodies could.

Just some thoughts!

Jeanne


----------



## BamBam'sMom (Jun 4, 2005)

I haven't read all the posts, but I wanted to add a couple of things.

DS hasn't been a great sleeper. He didn't really nap between three months and ten months of age. Sometimes he would if I held him the whole time. I was always so frustrated with it, then I just gave up and relaxed. I started not minding if I had to sit on the couch the whole time he napped, or if my house got messy while I dedicated my time to getting the baby some rest. When I gave up on trying to make it all better, DS started napping. We started getting up at the same time everyday, and his naps and bedtimes became like clockwork. It all just fell into place.

Hope things get better for you.


----------



## crunchymomof2girls (Feb 27, 2006)

First things first get yourself some help! have DH take over for a few nights if possible. After that get established in a quiet routine for bed. We always get started after dinner. It starts around 7:30 pm as my kids go to bed at 8pm. They get their baths after dinner we get them a sippy of milk cuddle on the couch with no tv and read a book. they then call their paw paw to tell him good night they crawl up the stairs to their rooms i hug and kiss them both tuck them in and im out. If they start crying i give them 5 min. just to make sure it isnt a dream. If something is truely wrong i go up there after 5 min. I rub their back cover them back up after a few minutes and quietly walk out no lights on no loud anything until they are asleep then dh can turn the tv back on. it has worked for both kids. HTH


----------

