# I lost my only baby



## TTC Catholic (Jul 7, 2008)

Hello,

After 15 months of TTC, my husband and I found out the wonderful news that we were expecting our first child. So far the pregnancy was going okay, and we even got a picture of our baby at six weeks. I went in two days ago (at eight weeks and five days) for an ultrasound, the one that was supposed to detect a heartbeat. There was no heartbeat at all, and it was quickly determined that our baby died in utero







. We are obviously beyond devastated. There are no words to describe how agonizing this loss is for us.

I am going for a D&C on Tuesday because I can't bear to carry my deceased baby inside of me.

While I was TTC, my sister offered to act as a surrogate for my husband and me. I am seriously thinking of taking her up on that offer, as I cannot bear to go through this again. My doctor said that I'll change my mind as time passes. He is a great doctor, but this comment made me furious. Only I know how I'm feeling, and what I decide to do in the future regarding starting a family is my decision.

I'm in so much pain right now, and on top of that, I need to be strong for my husband. He is taking this almost worse than I am. I just don't know how I will ever get through this.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to me.

God bless you,
Kristin


----------



## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

I am so sorry you lost your baby.


----------



## birthangeldoula (Feb 1, 2008)

I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i am so terribly sorry


----------



## MarilynP (Nov 25, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss... I lost my first and second baby so I know how you are feeling..

I have told people that I don't think I want to try again and they all say, "oh just give it time"







I have had a whole year since the last loss and I still feel the same way... there is a tiny part of me that wants to try again but I really don't think I could go through another loss... I know what I can handle, other people don't...

so if people say that to you just kind of let it go in one ear and out the other...


----------



## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

So so sorry mama... and you ARE a mama btw


----------



## Sophiasmomma (Jun 16, 2004)

OH IM sooooo sorry... HUGS


----------



## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

so sorry for your loss.


----------



## no5no5 (Feb 4, 2008)

I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to lose a baby after infertility. It took a year for us to conceive our second, and I miscarried about a month ago, at around 10 weeks. It was awful. I don't think I will ever again feel happy when I see a positive pregnancy test.









You will both get through this. It's actually good that your husband is grieving. Many men don't do that work and it's better to get it out so you can get past it. Just be sure you take care of yourself and let yourself grieve as well.









If you want to talk, you can always PM me.


----------



## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the dumb remark your doctor made. Sure, he sees patients suffer losses and it might be an every day thing for him but to assume that he knows how you feel is inconsiderate.

Hugs to your family and I hope you'll find peace in whatever decision you make.


----------



## celtic_angel (Jul 27, 2005)

It took almost 3 years of TTC for my partner and I to concieve our 1st together(my other children are from my first marriage). I honestly thought I would die from the grief when I lost our baby. We are trying again now, but I am completely terrified if I think about it too much...


----------



## brooks97 (Apr 24, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

I'm so sorry for you.

that was an insensitive comment by your dr. you have every right to be mad.

hugs to you and your hubby.


----------



## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so sorry mama


----------



## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so sorry.


----------



## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I am sorry hun. Truly sorry for what you are going through an the loss of your little one.

Just be gentle with yourself, okay? I know there are many conflicting opinions about whether time heals or not, or whether you should ever go ahead again or not - but I have to say this to you: it is SO early right now. You haven't even had a D&C yet - don't force yourself into a place you may not want to be in 6 months. You might still not want to try (who knows?)...but you may find you've changed your mind, and there's nothing wrong with that. Now is such a crazy time - honestly, it might just be best to concentrate on healing your heart, and not think about trying to conceive or not in the future. Let thoughts float through your head, but now...now is such a bad time to make any concrete decisions.

I mean for me, when I lost Josie, at first I was the opposite - I wanted to conceive RIGHT AWAY - the very next day if possible, lol. I had loved, LOVED being pregnant and wanted to be pregnant again straight away - because I wouldn't have NOT conceived Josie, even if I'd known she would die. I probably would have spent more time concentrating on her, to be honest. Someone on here said "if 42 weeks is all I am going to get, then I'd better make it a good 42 weeks" (or similar) - and I totally see what she means - I have to agree.

Now it's been a couple of months and I am secretly glad I didn't conceive because I'd like...no....umm..I MUST HAVE a VBAC and the longer you wait, the more likely that becomes. Now, we're not being careful anymore because I ovulated this month already, and the next ovulation will be the three month mark - which is a pretty safe time as long as the c section is well healed, which it is









Anyway I digress. But the point is, the emotions you feel are going to go up, down, all around - they are so variable. Soooo variable for the first few months at least. That's being honest.

Alright, well, I'm not sure if that helped or not but again, I am so sorry for your loss. You WILL feel better and you will heal though - stick with us. We heal one another.








*HUGE hugs* XXX


----------



## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.


----------



## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

I'm so sorry. I lost my first baby as well after dealing with infertility. It is so hard.







Don't give up hope. I know that I felt the same as you. That I couldn't go through it again. Thankfully, we gave IVF a chance and I now have my son.

You won't heal from this. But in time, your heart will regain strength. Be gentle with yourself. Name your sweet child. Talk to her. Get a special ornament for the tree (if you celebrate Christmas) or get a necklace to remember her by.








Again, I'm so sorry.


----------



## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope that in time you'll know what the right path is for you to take. Please allow yourself all the space you need to grieve and feel sad and heal.


----------



## michanders4 (Jul 24, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss







.


----------



## Aurora (May 1, 2002)

I am so sorry for the loss of your little one.







You have every right to feel whatever emotions you are feeling.


----------



## MiracleMama (Sep 1, 2003)

I'm so sorry for this terrible loss. I know how devestating it is having been there myself. I hope you and your husband can lean on each other through this. As awful a time as it was, my first loss brought my husband and I closer (in the long run...of course we didn't see it at the time).
I will be thinking of you tomorrow.


----------

