# I had a missed miscarriage



## Redmom (Jul 26, 2011)

Sadly, at my 9 week appointment this week, I learned the baby stopped developing at about 6 weeks.

I feel incredibly sad and shocked by this news. I had gone in expecting to hear a heartbeat and seeing signs of progress, not to find out that my baby is gone.

My midwife said it would be best to let the physical release (I'm not really sure what the term is called) happen naturally, and I agree b/c the thought of a D&C terrifies me and feels like such an aggressive act. I'm nervous about what lies ahead....will it be painful and length? And what if it doesn't happen naturally? Will it happen when I'm in the middle of a public place?

Fortunately I have some very supportive friends and in particular other Mamas who have been wonderful. The midwife was lovely too and gave me a big hug, and said she would be looking after me through this.

But then when I had the vaginal ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis, I found the technician was very physically rough and very cold. Then the doctor called me in and simply said "Do you know why you were sent here?". I said that the midwife believed I had miscarried. The doctor simply said "yes I'm confirming a miscarriage took place". No compassion, no "I'm sorry" - then I was sent on my way, trying to keep it together as I went back upstairs to the midwife.

The other thing I'm feeling is anxiousness about whether I'll be able to have another baby (we are blessed to have a beautiful 3 year old). I just turned 40 and who knows what will happen fertility wise. I feel like having a miscarriage represents such a waste of the fertility window....by the time we're ready to try again, there might have been 4-6 months elapsed, at least, before we were originally pregnant. And 6 months when you are over 40 is a big chunk of time.

I woke up this morning feeling very angry at my body for letting me down.

Thanks everyone for reading - I just needed to get my thoughts down on "paper".


----------



## edubluv (Aug 10, 2013)

I felt just like you are feeling about 2 months ago. Yes it did hurt. The cramps were crazy painful but not the stuff coming out. It was a process but the main part if it was over in about an hour and my midwives gave me a prescription for 8 Vicodin and I only needed one during the whole thing. I feel like everything can out just fine although I was worried like you. I thought it would all the sudden happen but in my case there were signs for about 2 hrs before the main part happened. Plenty of time to get home. The u/s techs were cold to me too. Almost as if they thought I was coming to confirm a m/c but in reality I thought I was coming to hear a heartbeat and my midwives never led on that they were concerned. I mc'd on Aug 17th and just had my first period since on Sept 11. So it came back fast. Sorry for your loss. It is so sad and discouraging. Hugs mama!


----------



## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

We had a mmc loss June 2012.
I'm about to be 40.
My rainbow is a week old.


----------



## jesepumpkin (Jan 26, 2008)

redmom, i am so sorry to hear about your experience. it sucks. I am 9 weeks and i found out yesterday at the ultrasound that my baby stopped growing at 6 or 7 weeks. I am currently starting to miscarry. I went thourgh the same thing this summer, although the timing was a bit different. Have you passed all the tissue? how is it going? generally it is painful and bloody but it can be over soon if everything comes out quickly. i am hoping it all goes smoothly for me to i can avoid the d&c.

it is such a shock to get the news. i went in fearing the worst as we had done some precautionary hcg labs the week before and they showed the baby wasn't growing properly, hence the ultrasound. the tech wasn't good with me either but they are supposed to not show emotion and not tell you much. she called the radiologist in who wouldn't give me direct answers but i did get out of her that there was no heartbeat. later my midwife read the report to me over the phone. the sac was growing and being supported by my body, which explains the baby belly and pregnancy symptoms. i too feel tricked by my body.

i send you peace and a hug. let me know how you are feeling. don't play the what if game about future fertility or pregnancies, there is no way to know. it on;y adds to your stress right now. envision yourself getting back in hormone balance soon and glowing radiantly with a large baby belly next year. i have been finding lots of love and laughter from my 3 year old too. she made me sing zip pity do day 10 times while i made dinner. even though i'm bleeding and upset right now it did make me feel better! at least they force you to play and feel grateful for the sweet child that you are blessed with.


----------



## Redmom (Jul 26, 2011)

Thanks ladies for your thoughtful and considerate replies.









I was able to pregnant just a couple months after the D&C - but sadly I had another miscarriage, confirmed at my ultrasound last week. It's a devastating blow to find myself back here again, especially since many articles covering miscarriage cheerfully reassure that it's unlikely to happen twice in a row.


----------



## Shiloh (Apr 15, 2005)

Sorry Redmom for both of your losses.
I hate mathematical odds


----------



## Wilhelmina (Feb 28, 2011)

Hello, Redmom, remember me from Oct 2014 Due Date Club? Well, now I'm here. My baby stopped growing in the 13th week of pregnancy. Just had D&E yesterday. I'm absolutely crushed. We can grieve together &#8230;


----------



## Redmom (Jul 26, 2011)

I'm so sorry Wilhelmina, it's not fair - I just sent you a PM.


----------

