# cosleeping with my 12-YEAR old son (yes, you read that right)



## jinxed

My 12 YEAR old son insists on sleeping with me every night. I'm not at all comfortable with this, but, when I put him to sleep in his own bed, I wake up in the middle of the night to find him sleeping next to me.

He's very affectionate and the sweetest child imaginable, does well at school, is helpful around the house. But I just keep thinking that this co-sleeping is, well, wrong.

I blame myself, because I never really insisted that he sleep in his own bed when he was younger. I kept telling myself that he's only 4 (or 6 or 8 or 10) and thought that surely he would grow out of this. But at this rate, I'm going to have him in my bed until he leaves for college.









I feel guilty, because if I weren't a single mom, probably I wouldn't have let this happen. But what do I do now???


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## catnip

Wow. I've never heard of that happening to anyone. Weird.







:


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## Kathryn

There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping with your son no matter how old he is. People all over the world share beds all the time. _However_, it *is* making you uncomfortable and that needs to be taken care of. Maybe sit down with your son and talk to him about why he keeps coming into your room. Maybe he's scared of something? If he wants to cuddle something, try buying him a body pillow. That did wonders for me when I was his age. He's 12, he can understand just fine that you want your own bed now. Tell him that if he comes into your room you will get up with him to help him work out whatever he needs worked out, then you will both go back to bed, in your own rooms. Also, would it bother you to have him sleep in your room on a different bed for a while? Just so he can get used to sleeping by himself all night, but still having you there if need be?







Don't second guess co-sleeping because of how long he's been needing you. It's always a good thing.


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## jinxed

Well, I think it happens more often than one might think.









One of my co-workers (also a single mom) confessed to me that she still shares a bed with her 13-year old son.


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## Itlbokay

Quote:


Originally Posted by *catnip*
Wow. I've never heard of that happening to anyone. Weird.







:

It's not totally unheard of, but it is an interesting first post.

Why don't you give us a little information about yourself Jinxed. Or perhaps introduce yourself in "Pleased to Meet you."


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## jinxed

Thanks, Kathryn for your sweet (and comforting) comments. It's not so much that my son is scared-- we've discussed it and he just likes to be with me.

Quote:

Why don't you give us a little information about yourself Jinxed.
Um, what kind of information do you need? I'm a single working mom with one child. I split up with my husband when my son was about 4. I have pretty much always coslept with my son. When he was an infant, unfortunately, I wasn't able to breastfeed (due to surgery), so co-sleeping has always been a way to maintain closeness with my son. I did have him circ'd, but that was pretty much solely for religious reasons (I'm Jewish). Partly because it's been just me and my son for so long, we are very close and I haven't had the same kind of pre-teen issues that so many of my friends have.


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## Itlbokay

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jinxed*
My 12 YEAR old son insists on sleeping with me every night. I'm not at all comfortable with this


What is is that you think makes you uncomfortable?


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## jinxed

Well, I guess my main concern is that I'm unconsciously sending an inappropriate message that could damage his development. In some ways, I enjoy co-sleeping, but I worry that it is not the "right" thing to do.

And, frankly, some of the responses that I've gotten on this thread have strengthened my belief that cosleeping with a child of this age is viewed as something very odd.

Please understand, I'm not criticizing anyone's reaction. I know that, if I didn't find myself in this situation, that I would find it difficult to understand.


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## arwenevenstar

Personally I see no harm in it at all. The only harm is if it is impinging on your life or affecting him and from what you are saying, it doesn't seem to be. Why shouldn't he have the comfort of his mom at night as well as in the day even if he is 12?
He will move himself out when he is good and ready and if you push him, you might just drive an unintentional wedge between you. It is a fact that boys that have a great relationship with their moms do better in life.

Don't worry about it, I think you will do more harm than good if you insist on him moving back to his own room. He obviously likes the comfort and company.

Let it lie (for now) - no pun intended btw


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## Itlbokay

I have known people who have made another bed up in their room for their older child/children. Perhaps you could try that?

Our boys are 7 and 10, and I think our 7 year old will be sleeping in his bed all night way before our 10 year old!

I'm hoping some other single Mama's here will find your thread and have some good advice for you as well.


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## Kathryn

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jinxed*
Well, I guess my main concern is that I'm unconsciously sending an inappropriate message that could damage his development. In some ways, I enjoy co-sleeping, but I worry that it is not the "right" thing to do.

And, frankly, some of the responses that I've gotten on this thread have strengthened my belief that cosleeping with a child of this age is viewed as something very odd.

Please understand, I'm not criticizing anyone's reaction. I know that, if I didn't find myself in this situation, that I would find it difficult to understand.

Stop thinking about it. You are very lucky to have a son that loves you so much and is this close to you. Co-sleeping in general is viewed as odd in America so this isn't any different. It's not odd at all, on the contrary it's very natural. Back to my previous post...I noted that people all over the world slept together in the same bed. There is nothing wrong about it at all and absolutely nothing odd about it. You are doing what is right for your son right now. Don't worry about what is "right" for other people. Just worry about you and your son.








Again though, if it really does bother you, then you need to do something about it. Since you said he just wants to be with you, maybe make a ritual before bed that includes snuggling while watching a movie together or something? Maybe put your beds in the same room so he can be near you?
Hope you find what needs to be done.


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## jinxed

Thank you for your thoughts, Arwenevenstar! I have read your post (as well as Kathryn's extremely helpful comments) over several times and it's hard to express how much your support and positive outlook on my situation mean to me.
















This is especially true because I can't imagine sharing this kind of information with anyone IRL....


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## stafl

I don't find it odd or weird or in any way harmful to share a bed with your child, no matter how old he is! Don't worry what other people think, you follow your instincts and do what's best for you and your son!

I can remember if my step-father were out of town, sneaking into my Mom's bed up until I was 14 or 15, I think. I have never liked, and still don't, sleeping alone. Can you get him a dog or cat to snuggle with, if you are that uncomfortable with him snuggling with you?


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## SamanthaJ

I don't think it is odd at all...

Has he gone through puberty yet?

I ask because my brother and I both co-slept with our mom (our dad worked nights) until we were about 13. Once we went through puberty we wanted our own beds and privacy and we transitioned just fine. I'm betting your son will, too.

Oh and IMO by brother and I both came out of our co-sleeping experiences perfectly normal


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## catnip

To clairify... what I think is weird is that a 12 year old is sleeping with a parent that is uncomfortable with it, and from the sound of it, has been for 8 years. Not necessarily that a 12 year old is cosleeping. I think I sometimes crawled in bed with my parents on weekend mornings into my teens, but we also piled on their bed for TV night, board games and even dinner from time to time until my dad died and I inherited the bed for my family. It was kind of our living room.


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## arwenevenstar

Please don't beat yourself up about it. In Africa, Japan and other parts of the world families co-sleep all the time until the child leaves home. Many people only have the one family bedroom.The only problem is that in the West we have this pre-conceived idea that bed sharing with our offspring is wrong. This is down the the media most likely







, but also the few weirdos that are out there so manage to tar all parents with the same brush.

I agree totally with Kathryn. Chat to your son, see how he perceives this. Come on, he's 12, if he feels at all awkward about sharing your bed, he'd soon move out I bet.

I hope my boys will be as loving as your son is when they are his age, you are a very lucky mama, have peace in his decisions.


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## ApprenticeMomma

I don't think you need to worry about still co-sleeping with your son unless you really feel uncomfortable and want it to stop, not just feeling guilty because of how society views it.
I wanted to chime in about the Japanese culture, where co-sleeping for the entire time a child lives in the family home is not uncommon.
It is just a way of being close to the people you love.
I am from New Zealand, and know of lots of Maori and Islander families where kids/teenagers still crash in bed with parents, or throw a matress down on the parents floor, or the whole family sleep communally in the living room.
I feel it is definitely a cultural issue, and you should feel so lucky that your son enjoys your company so much.

Cuddle him for as long as he will allow - before you know it he may be in the whole prickly teenage stage!

Angie


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## Jyotsna

My son is almost 9, and he sleeps in the family bedroom. He has his own bed, but still sometimes climbs in bed for cuddles especially if we all lounge around watching a video or something.

He still needs me as his mama, and I really appreciate the closeness that we share. He is fairly open with me, sharing about his days at school, and in a pinch, will tell me which girl he is currently "in love" with.

The girls sleep with me most of the time. Ravi (ds) has come in and out of my bed for years. He seems to be getting close to puberty (thickened neck, light mustache hairs and broad shoulders) so I think that soon he will want to have his own space. He is still young enough to think that nobody notices when he has his hands in his pockets and rubbing his penis!







:

I think in a year or two, puberty will hit, and he will want to be in his own room (he has one) so he can experiement with masterbation, ect.

If your son is happy in your bed, then for all means let it be. But if it makes you uncomfortable, and you feel like you are forced to do this because he wants it, then it wouldn't be a good thing for your relationship with him.

How about putting a mattress on the floor, and telling him if he needs space, he can sleep there, or he can sleep in your bed. Letting him make the decision is pretty cool.

I have friends where everyone sleeps together on the floor on mattresses. They have teenagers and they still sleep in the family room. In India, this is not only a neccessity, but also a cultural norm for children to sleep in the family room until married, and even they come back sometimes to sleep with mom and dad on visits, bringing their children who would sleep with their grandparents too! I slept in a family bedroom in India on several occasions. I admit, aside from the farts that some of the people did (







), it was comforting to be in a room of relatives or friends.


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## Melda

I slept in my parents bed until i was probably 12 or 13 from time to time and then it just ended. I dont know why i guess i just got over my fear of sleeping alone (which was the reason i coslept with them) or at least that is what i remember telling them. It will end i am sure. I have no disire to sleep in my parents now and I am 30 ... lol ... i would not worry to much ... soon he will be all grown up and appreciate your carringness for keeping the family bed open. One thing i remember is that my parents never kicked me out of the bed (even at 12) ...


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## Siana

I too slept in my parents bed off and on (more often 'off') till I was about 16 (typically only for a short nap). The frequency increased after I was around 15 (at my parents request) because my brother had left the home to pursure his degree! I think my parents really felt the need to appreciate my presence because it wouldn't be long before I left the nest too. To be honest at 16 I thought it was really wierd to sleep there (especially since I didn't have to share the bedroom with my brother anymore!). But I did it anyway just to make my parents happy!

Funny thing is when I had my menarche (at 13), because my mother didn't explain to me what was going on with my body, I wanted to sleep with only her in my parents bed -- I was scared and confused about the blood that was pouring out of me! :LOL (yeah it's funny now) My mother denied that request from me, and sent me off to my bed to figure things out on my own. Personally I think that whole experience really wrecked the relationship I had with my mother.

Not sure what my point is, but I think you should allow your child to go with his instincts. I bet there will come a time in the not too distant future when you will cherish these memories.


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## jinxed

Wow. I really appreciate everyone's comments and support. It especially makes me feel better to hear from those of you (*Melda, Samatha J, Stafl, Siana*) who shared your experiences as older co-sleepers.

*Jyotsna* and *Samatha J*: Though many of his friends seem to be maturing rapidly (rapid growth, changing body shapes, facial hair), it looks like my son is --like me -- going to be something of a late bloomer.









I really do value my closeness with my son and I think that I'm going to try to adopt the perspective that some of you have suggested and enjoy the fact that, in some ways, my son is still my little boy.

This was the first set of posts that I've ever made to this forum and I'm really overwhelmed with the thoughtful and caring responses.


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## Vermillion

I was still co-sleeping with my mom at that age. In fact, I often "spent the night" in her bed throughout my teen years as well. It was always nice hanging out with my mom chatting in bed. That probably sounds like a perfectly normal mom/daughter thing but I'd do the same with my DS when he is older, no problem.

For what it's worth, I don't think long term co-sleeping damaged my development in any way. As an adult now, yeah, I prefer to share a bed with someone, but is that really such a bad thing?

It is perfectly normal and healthy to want to be close to the people you love. Unfortunately our society has no problem sacrificing family closeness for the sake of wanting their kids to be "independent".

It is you that is doing something normal and the majority of society who is doing something unnatural.


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## FitMama

I think some people just don't like to sleep alone. My parents weren't cosleepers, but I always went to their bed on Saturday & Sunday mornings to read the paper with them. This was from the time I could read until well past college!

When my sister and I were little girls, we slept in the same bed, mostly because I just didn't like sleeping alone. I don't think my sister cared one way or the other.

Enjoy this time with your son. He sounds like a sweetheart.


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## KnitterMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jinxed*
Well, I guess my main concern is that I'm unconsciously sending an inappropriate message that could damage his development. In some ways, I enjoy co-sleeping, but I worry that it is not the "right" thing to do.

And, frankly, some of the responses that I've gotten on this thread have strengthened my belief that cosleeping with a child of this age is viewed as something very odd.

Please understand, I'm not criticizing anyone's reaction. I know that, if I didn't find myself in this situation, that I would find it difficult to understand.

I gotta stop right here and respond before getting through the rest of the thread.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong or weird with your son still wanting to co-sleep with you. It's wonderful that you share a closeness and he feels comfortable coming to you when he wants to share some bonding with another person. I really disagree with the sentiment that co-sleeping is damaging developmentally - you're giving your son a secure home base from which he can launch himself and explore the world. You've mentioned in this thread that it's probably not as uncommon as people make it out to be. (Even if it were more uncommon, who cares?







)

Is it the fact that he is a boy which is making you uncomfortable? I think you're doing a GREAT JOB, Mama! Your boy will probably grow to be a compassionate and sensitive man.

So, don't think you are doing anything wrong. You're doing a wonderful thing for your son. Way to go, Mama!


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## jinxed

Quote:

think you're doing a GREAT JOB, Mama! Your boy will probably grow to be a compassionate and sensitive man.

So, don't think you are doing anything wrong. You're doing a wonderful thing for your son. Way to go, Mama!

Quote:

Enjoy this time with your son. He sounds like a sweetheart.

Aw, *swimmin_mama* and *FitMama* you're making me blush. He is a great kid -- though I think a lot of it is nature and not nurture.


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## merpk

I don't find it odd, but since you're a single parent, I wonder if maybe you might find it ... limiting ... IYKWIM. Might sometime turn out to be inconvenient ... IYKWIM. Unless you're not looking for any relationships ...

If you're uncomfortable with it, is that the aspect you're uncomfortable with?
He's old enough to discuss that with, I would think ... though at a level he can follow, again IYKWIM.


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## jinxed

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merpk*
I don't find it odd, but since you're a single parent, I wonder if maybe you might find it ... limiting ... IYKWIM. Might sometime turn out to be inconvenient ... IYKWIM. Unless you're not looking for any relationships ...

If you're uncomfortable with it, is that the aspect you're uncomfortable with?
He's old enough to discuss that with, I would think ... though at a level he can follow, again IYKWIM.










On the, uh, limiting aspect...You certainly have a point. Though, in the past, it hasn't really been a problem, especially since DS has lots of friends who he likes to stay overnight with and, in addition, spent the night at his dad's place a few times a week. Also, DS is perfectly happy to sleep by himself when we're staying at someone else's house.

Although....these days, my only overnight "guest" is my x-husband.














: And he's perfectly happy with the family bed concept.

As to the aspect that I'm uncomfortable with...well, it's mostly that DS is somehow "too old" for this. But I'm really encouraged by so many of the previous posters views and am beginning to feel more that this is something that may really not be a problem. And that my uncomfy feelings may have stemmed mostly from my sense that cosleeping with an older child is somehow not socially acceptable.


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## SamI'mNot

I'll speak from experience. Honestly, I'm 23 years old this year, married with my own kids, living in a different state and when I go home to visit my parents, DD and I curl up in bed next to them for naps all the time (I don't sleep with them at night anymore, though. That's strictly DH time!







)!! And I've been out of my parents' house since I was 17. Admittedly, when I was younger, we didn't co-sleep. It was more I'd fall asleep in their bed, then later in the night when they decided I was sprawling out too much and they needed space, I'd be carried to my own bed. Yes, I grew out of the "needing" phase of co-sleeping years ago in elementary school. Now, it's just a demonstration of the closeness that my parents and I (and now my DD) have with each other. It's a beautiful thing!

Perhaps he just enjoys the closeness, too, as opposed to it being a fear of being alone or something of the sort. Or perhaps he's just being protective of you. I often hear of single moms whose male children develop a subconcious desire to guard their mothers. Either way, savor the flavor!

From the sound of it, you have a loving, terrific son. In a few short years, he'll be all grown up and out of the house doing his own thing. So don't push him too hard to leave your bed. He'll do it on his own soon. At the very least, he'll move to a separate bed in the same room. Good luck!!


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## Itlbokay

I am so happy jinxed started this thread.

I myself have often wanted to start a thread looking for others whose older children still co-sleep.

For us it's been a natural part of parenting that has just continued. When I brought our first son home from the hospital I knew there was no way that I could put him in a room alone. Then our next baby came and there was no way I was going to expect our first child to leave the family bed, so we continued and just got a bigger bed. Like jinxed has said of her son, it's where they want to be. They have a room they share, with their own beds....they don't want to sleep there though. Sometimes they toy with the idea and will start off there, but lights will be barely out before they are back in the family bed.

Nothing about our situation has ever felt uncomfortable; except when you get elbowed in the face by your 10 year old







ouch!

As others have said, as a teenager I too would often come into my parents room as well...even if it was just for a little while to talk before I went into my own room.

When my grandfather passed away - my mom, my brother and my grandmother and I all slept in her living room together, it was very special (but sad) and reminded me of when I brought our first baby home.....there was just no way we could leave our grandmother so vulnerable to sleep alone and it was just something we all did without really thinking about it.

I have been happily surprised to learn of my more mainstream friends that also on occasion co-sleep, in some way, with their children. Whether it's just when the child is upset, or sick, or dad's out of town or whatever.


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## Ellien C

Honestly - I wouldn't worry about this. When I first heard about co-sleeping years ago, it was a story of a woman with 4 children and futons everywhere in her bedroom. Her oldest son was 17 and had is own room, but still sometimes flopped down with the rest of the family. Something made me think that puberty is what does it for some boys. That need for privacy when waking up will kick-in - IYKWIM?

Let him know that you support him no matter what. He is always welcome in your bed and you know that his need for his own space isn't a rejection of you.

I fell asleep in my mothers bed until 13 or 14 - right around puberty, now that I think about it.


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## tryinghardmomma

We watched a movie... oh what was it???? 13 going on 30?? She is a high powered executive, but has something happen in her life that is just a Crisis for her... so she goes home to Mama and Daddy to seek comfort, and while she falls asleep on the couch, the next scene shows her climbing in bed with her Mama, snuggling up to her.

I have a friend that lives in Japan... she answers every co-sleeping question ever posted on our (mainstream) homeschooling board with "So what? Sleep together... everyone in Japan co-sleeps, your hangups are all cultural, get over them!"


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## Itlbokay

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tryinghardmomma*
I have a friend that lives in Japan... she answers every co-sleeping question ever posted on our (mainstream) homeschooling board with "So what? Sleep together... everyone in Japan co-sleeps, your hangups are all cultural, get over them!"

I love that!!


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## Ruthla

I recently watched the movie "13 going on 30."

There was one scene where the 30 year old (emotionally 13, but her parents thought she was 30) crawled into bed with her parents. Granted, this character had her own bedroom at age 13 and probably didn't climb in with her parents EVERY night but if even a "mainstream" movie can show a 13yo sleeping with Mom and Dad, it can't be THAT unusual, right?

The only "problem" I can see from your original post is the simple fact that you're uncomfortable with him co-sleeping. Is it because you think you're not supposed to sleep with him anymore or is there something inside of you that feels uncomfortable with it? I can assure you that, if he "was too old", "didn't need to" or "didn't want to" co-sleep, he would NOT be climbing in with you in the middle of the night!!

If you're honestly uncomfortable with it, then talk to him about your feelings and see if the 2 of you can come up with a solution that works for both of you- perhaps another bed in the same room, or a body pillow, etc. If you're OK with him sleeping with you, but were worried that it was somehow "wrong" then rest assured that it's completely normal and healthy.


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## OnTheFence

Came across this thread and wanted to comment.

I do think cosleeping with a boy this age is wrong. And so does my husband who actually did cosleep with is mother past the age of 12. While culturally this may happen in some village or t-pee in some third world country, this is culturally unacceptable in the states -- and that is not a bad thing. Sexually boys are maturing at this age, can have wet dreams, get erections, etc in their sleep. I think socially, should any of his friends find out or yours, that they may find this really weird and inappropriate. Someone could even report you to CPS. A single woman sleeping in the same bed with her son - just watch the news, Michael Jackson is on trial right now for essentially doing the same thing yet he is called a pedophile.
My husband wasn't "scarred" by cosleeping but now as an adult he says that it should have ended when he was a small boy. He thinks emotionally it was unhealthy for both him and his mother -- this was something he discussed in therapy too. While we do cosleep with our own children, for him their is a cut off and I have to agree. While some people may think its not harmful, my husband will say differently.


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## Itlbokay

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OnTheFence*
Michael Jackson is on trial right now for essentially doing the same thing yet he is called a pedophile.

Respectfully, I think comparing Michael Jackson's situation to this is not "essentially the same thing."


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## chel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Itlbokay*
Respectfully, I think comparing Michael Jackson's situation to this is not "essentially the same thing."

Yea, I don't think MJ ever sleeps with his own kids?


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## MotherEarthMom

I don't think there is anything wrong with it,he is very close to you and your a single mom and he just probably feels more secure being next to you.I was the same way as a kid with my mother.If your not comfortable with it,then have a talk with him about sleeping in his own bed,if he is insecure about sleeping in his own room,get him a dog or cat or something to sleep with.Maybe he just feels alone alot of the time and just tries to get every minute possible he can with you,it's how I felt when I was a kid with a single mother,I wanted to spend every minute I could with my mother,because between her working and school and her going out with men,I didn't see her much.I missed her.Maybe that's all it is,is that he misses you,nothing wrong with that.Be glad he is a loving son and not the other way around.


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## mamasarah

i was the only child of a single mom and i slept with her occasionally when i was a teenager/ pre-teen... i see nothing wrong with it. i think a single-parent home needs that extra snuggle time sometimes. but it doesn't matter what i think, it's how you feel.


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## Jenne

Check out this thread for more support from the parenting teens forum...

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=245675










Jenne


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## nicholas_mom

Don't hold back now, Onthe fence :LOL

I think it is perfectly normal AND I am married to a therapist, who would say if he is comfortable, then there is no problem. Each child is different in their needs.








You are doing a great job!


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## WonderWild

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jinxed*
As to the aspect that I'm uncomfortable with...well, it's mostly that DS is somehow "too old" for this. But I'm really encouraged by so many of the previous posters views and am beginning to feel more that this is something that may really not be a problem. And that my uncomfy feelings may have stemmed mostly from my sense that cosleeping with an older child is somehow not socially acceptable.

I co-slept with my mom until I was about 13. I enjoyed it. She never had any overnight "guests" to worry about. I was scared of the dark (still am) so it was really comforting for me. I'm not sure if she like it very much since I usually couldn't fall asleep without her arm around my neck and my arm around her stomach.


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## Raynbow

No big deal, really.

He's a cuddle bug, just like my Sebastian. When it is cold, or Sebastian really needs some affection, I will let him sleep in my bed, but due to space issues and his mobility during sleep, he usually sleeps in a sleeping bag on my bedroom floor.

He says he sleeps better in the bed with his brother and I, so he'll probably be in the bed more now, which will mean less sleep for me, but ah, well...

No biggie, really.









Don't stress over it. It isn't a problem unless you make it one.









If anyone has a problem with it, ask them why they are so concerned about your 12 yr old's bed habits.


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## DeepGreen29

Hi I'm 22, and not *too* long ago I was cosleeping with my family!

I used to LOVE sleeping with my mom especially. Until I was about 10, my whole family slept in one room, with futons pushed close together. THis is mom, dad, me 10, sister 8, and brother 5.

Then my parents divorced, and I guess we grew up a bit....but even having my own bed and room, I often went to my mom's room til I moved out at 17. This was only occasional though...but it was always wonderful for me, and my mom was sweet and welcoming even when she didnt feel cuddly. This really made me feel loved.

As a point of view that hasnt been discussed...You are talking about opposite sex cosleeping....and I also did this with my dad.

He was always more sensitive and cuddly than mom...and since he lived over an hour away, any opportunity to be with him my siblings and I loved to cuddle up either on the floor or bed and nap with dad. There were only a few whole nights...but I know I napped with Dad til about 13 or so, or just sat together and held each other on the couch...which to me is very similar in feeling

It did eventually feel strange with my dad, though it never became strange with my mom. The only reason I felt even a little bit of discomfort is when I began "cuddling" with boys, and/or fantasizing about doing so. For some reason I felt that now that I was older, this type of closeness was for me and my boyfriend. Plus, I started realizing that not many if any of my friends had this kind of relationship with anyone in their family.

Today though, my dad and I have the best hugs and a good touching relationship. It has translated into my life imo, and I am very comfortable with touching, and showing affection that way. My mom, as an example, had to train herself to respond to touch as her parents never touched her unless they had to.

I wish you lots of luck...and I look at this as I do with all the stages of my dc's developement. It's best to enjoy it while you can, as it soon grows into something new.

Lorissa sahm to ds 1 yr and happy wife of 5 years


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## Flor

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Itlbokay*
I am so happy jinxed started this thread.

Nothing about our situation has ever felt uncomfortable; except when you get elbowed in the face by your 10 year old







ouch!

.

This is so true! My dss slept with us until he was about 9 then dh said he was too big (and I had to agree). H e then spent almost a year sleeping in the livingroom outside our room (though this could have been in a bed in our room had our room been bigger), then dh told him to write on the calendar when he would start sleeping in his own room. He, of course, chose December 31st. And, he did. He was upset the first night, but in the morning said, "what was my problem? I like my bed!"

He was afraid of the dark and I was too until, well, until I got married, really! I don't like to sleep alone,either.


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## kayabrink

I too co-slept on and off with my mother, who raised me alone. Actually, more on than off until I was around 16, but kept sleeping with her occasionally for years after that. Actually, the last time I slept in her bed I was 33 wks pregnant. (Db is often away for work and I hate sleeping alone!) Of course, now I have ds and don't think we would all fit in my mother's bed, with her + two dogs :LOL


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## jinxed

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OnTheFence*
Michael Jackson is on trial right now for essentially doing the same thing yet he is called a pedophile.


Ummm....







Maybe this is a teeny bit, shall we say, harsh???

We're talking about my son. I'm certainly not inviting random 12-year old boys into my bed. Much less doing any of the other things that MJ is accused of...


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## guerrillamama

Seriously. Jacko has not been charged with co-sleeping. He's been charged with molestation.

Jinxed, ditto to what PPs said... If it aint broke, don't fix it. If you and your son are both happy, who cares what anyone else says.


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## Ary99

Have you discussed this with his father at all? I'm just wondering if he needs his mom so much (in reference to co-sleeping. I know 12 years still need their moms!) because he's feeling like he's not getting enough from his Dad or another male role model.


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## patriciaarnold

I don't see anything wrong. If makes you uncomfortable then should have the discussion. 
I have co slept with both my daughter and son on occasions. Slept in same one with 19 year old daughter on weekend away. 
When hubby worked away either one of son or daughter may have slept with me. 
I used to get in with my dad on weekends to have chats with him and seemed it was natural.
I still get the odd visit now


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## Patty Pagan

Between hubby, the kids, and the dog I can't remember the last time I slept alone


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## jacob12

I think that's not OK. Your child is 12-years-old and he must sleep in his bed.


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