# Help My 3yr Old Won't Sleep Alone?



## needsleep1 (Aug 24, 2008)

My daughter is three and for the past few years we have had a lot of changes. I am trying to get her and I into a sleep pattern but she will not go to bed without me sitting by her. She wants me to sleep with her every night but my husband and I never get anytime. I can't get her to bed without a fight and arguement and threats......I can't bribe her or talk to her, she out thinks everything I say......I need advise on getting a young independant child to sleep. PS she is only like this with me, if I am not around she goes right to bed without any problems.....what did I do wrong?


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## Ellen Griswold (Feb 27, 2008)

You didn't do anything wrong, mama. My son was the same way for a long time. I realized that he really liked that special time of snuggling as he went to bed.....but I didn't. There was simply too much for me to get done; I didn't have the time to lay there for an hour with him. In my house we solved this problem by making sure that he got enough time with us during the day, and then moving a chair into the hallway where he could see us, we would wait for him to fall asleep. We also realized that he hates to go to sleep when it's quiet. So, we turn the tv on a little louder than I would if I wanted to go to sleep and he drops right off. The first few nights that we sat in the hall was tough, he really didn't like this transition, but it wasn't like we let him cry it out.
I think 3 and 4 can be a really hard time developmentally for little ones. They aren't babies, but they aren't big kids. Bedtime can be tough for everybody. Good luck!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Well my 4 yr old still sleeps with us...

but it sounds like your dd just still needs to be parented to sleep. That's perfectly normal. Many kids need that until 6 or 7 yrs old.

-Angela


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## yentroc (Jul 22, 2005)

I think you'll find a lot of 3 yr olds here who still need help being parented to sleep.

My dd is 3.5 and still in our room (on a futon mattress on the floor next to our bed). She still needs someone to lay with her while she goes to sleep and still crawls in bed with me in the middle of the night...

Sorry no advice, you're not alone.


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## jlbaby (Nov 7, 2005)

needsleep,
my son is 3 and also needs us to lie with him every night til he falls asleep. sometimes it's fast, other times not - and then we tend to fall asleep with him and our evening is shot.







he loves his bed and his own room, but still loves snuggling. he falls asleep with his arm around our necks. i just ordered elizabeth pantley's sleep solution book for preschoolers, because even though we have a really nice routine we follow, bedime still becomes a battle some nights. i think the book basically suggests what ellen posted above - to slowly remove yourself while your child is falling to sleep and help them fall asleep on their own.

it will be a slow learning process for us all. at this point, i am still utterly amazed that he mostly sleeps through the night. i thought i'd never see the day!


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## festivefeet (Jul 27, 2008)

Just wanted to comment that our daughter who is three still likes us to lay with her until she falls asleep. She loves the cuddle time, quiet discussion about her day and a story told in the dark, then prayers and quietness. I anticipate we will be doing this for a couple more years with her. This time in her life is SO short, so I am trying to be thankful for it, even on the nights I am tired.


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## MissMommyNiceNice (May 1, 2007)

The biggest thing we found that helped, from reading the no cry sleep solution for toddlers & preschoolers, is that you shouldn't expect your lo to fall asleep right away in bed. Pick your right bedtime, and work back from that an hour to an hour and a half. Set a routine and ritual that ends with quiet reading or massage or nursing in her bed. Don't rush it, you will both be frustrated and antsy and it will take you an hour anyway, but not a good happy hour. If she doesn't need to nurse, and falls asleep quickly for Daddy, have him take over the nighttime routine.

Also, think about what you're doing right before you begin your routine...is the tv on? is she running around roughhousing? Did she eat a dessert? All these things can have an affect on how your child falls asleep...try to keep it dim and calm.

We just started, but it is amazing how much easier it has been! We haven't had a bedtime fight in almost a week, and he's been sleeping great!


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## jlbaby (Nov 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissMommyNiceNice* 
The biggest thing we found that helped, from reading the no cry sleep solution for toddlers & preschoolers...

i just got this book in the mail today, and look forward to reading it. i do love the nighttime with my son - my main concern lately is when my baby comes. DH works nights 2-4 times a week and i just can't fathom bedtime alone with 2 kids, one who needs an hour with me (and for me to still lie down with him) and a newborn. it will be difficult, so i am hoping to gently encourage DS to eventually not need us to lie with him.


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