# Discriminated Against and Kicked out of Playgroup!



## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

My son came home from Ethiopia on November 20th. My daughter and I had participated in a playgroup with five other families from the time my daughter (3 this month) was 2 months old.

We hadn't been to playgroup since my son came home, but we anticipated starting to go again this month. But invitations stopped coming.

I found out this morning (through one of the playgroup members) that BACK IN DECEMBER, the rest of the group had voted to kick us out because my son could possibly infect their children with an "exotic disease." (The person who told me this was not party to this decision and just found out about it last week.)

I can't believe it!!

I had already discussed with another member of the playgroup, with whom I FOUNDED the group 3 years ago, that my son had been seen by 4 different doctors (an agency doctor, an embassy doctor, an international adoption medicine specialist, and our pediatrician) and that he is HEALTHY! Apparently this member felt that wasn't good enough and feels that it's fine to discriminate against my son because she and her husband are blood donors!!

I'm OUTRAGED!!!


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## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

That is the most absurd thing I have heard in a while...


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

What desease are they worried about?


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## cmb123 (Dec 30, 2004)

If I had that cute icon with the mouth dropping to the floor I'd insert about 50 of them right here!!!!!!!!!
I would feel so angry and hurt! I'm sorry that that happened to you!
What are you going to do?
That's crazy!!!!!


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## indie (Jun 16, 2003)

What a bunch of jerks! What are you going to do?


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## jessemoon (May 31, 2004)

Wow! That's pretty appalling! I think it's time to start a new playgroup with more reasonable and kindhearted mamas! People are really strange!


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## sweetfeet (Jan 16, 2003)

Holy cow! I'm outraged for ya. I can't believe people could be so cruel. Well I can but thats just horrible. Who the heck cares if they are blood donors. I guess I wouldn't want to be around people who feel that way but I know it still hurts to lose the playgroup and your dd's friends.


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## mommyofshmoo (Oct 25, 2004)

Alright, that's just weird.

That said, my stepmom works for the UN and I've worried sometimes about my dd being around her because she has on occasion caught diseases that are uncommon in the US. That fear is a little silly, but not completely unreasonable.

Also, if their kids are unvaccinated I kinda get their concern.

HOWEVER- if your son has been checked by docs and a few weeks have passed since he got to you, they really have nothing to worry about.

I suppose what they dont want to say is the word "AIDS." there is a lot of hype in the media making people think that everyone in Africa has AIDS. It's crazy.

Anyway, sorry you have to deal with this, it seriously bites.


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## ma2maya (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom*
What desease are they worried about?









Obviously a disease that would affect their neurological system with symptoms that include using common sense and thinking logically and rationally!









Sorry this happened







:
Kathy


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## jannan (Oct 30, 2002)

what diseases are they worried about?


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

Who need to hang around a bunch of people like that!
That has to be one of the stupidest things I have heard.


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## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jannan*
what diseases are they worried about?

Well, tuberculosis was mentioned specifically, but other than that it was just some vague exotic disease that could apparently pop up out of nowhere.

I'm *sure* AIDS is on their minds, especially since they all know I used to work with adults and children with HIV.

As for what I plan to do about, I already sent off a strongly-worded yet not mean or whiny email to the other members, and other than that I guess I will just stew about it and accumulate negative karma thinking uncharitable thoughts about them.

=(


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

That is awful, I'm so sorry.


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

what diseases they are worried about is not the issue here.

Mama I am SO sorry!

Is htere not somethign you can do? Talk to your town/city counsil?

Talk to whoever rents out the building?

aRGH I just don't know what to say without violating board rules.


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## nicole lisa (Oct 27, 2004)

That is beyond outrageous! I'm sorry - argh, people can be such jerks. And cowards - they couldn't even be upfront with you rather than just stop extending invitations?! I guess that would allow a two-way discussion and time for you to educate them on how crazy their worries are.

I'm with jessemoon, I would try to start up a new one with people who aren't ignorant...maybe start with the mama who wasn't there when the "vote" was taken?

I'm sorry.


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

That is an outrage! I'm so sorry.


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## splendid (Jul 18, 2004)

Wow. People can really be that mean spirited.

Hugs to you and your little one. Its glad you found out what kind of people you were hanging out with.

I hope you can find a new group.


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## Oh the Irony (Dec 14, 2003)

That is HORRIBLE.

I think I would have to pull out one of my fave tricks: Kill them with Kindness.
Done with the right touch of naivete it can really go far.

Next time you talk to one of them (IF you ever do again) you could try:

"Oh my, I'm so worried now. Do you think my family is at risk?? Can you recommend a doctor other than (insert your 4 names here) that could check our son out? we're really concerned so we are going to bow out of playgroup." Mess with their heads...

I know you were not looking for suggestions, I just couldnt help it. I am livid for you that people can be so narrow minded.


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

a founding member???

sorry you are dealing with such ignorance.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ma2maya*
Obviously a disease that would affect their neurological system with symptoms that include using common sense and thinking logically and rationally!









Sorry this happened







:
Kathy


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)




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## inthesnow (Dec 8, 2004)

That is absolutely crazy!!

Maybe this will open a window for some better people to come into your life.

Hugs to you and your family!


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## andreac (Jul 13, 2003)

mama !

Mean People Suck


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

:























If I said what I want to say, I'd probably get kicked out. Those people are reprehensible, ignorant scum.


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## sweetest (May 6, 2004)

Thats just horrible









Has your dd asked about the group? I hope you can find another one soon.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

nak

that is absolutely nuts. grrrr







i just have to say it, cause it's crossed my mind. are they closet biggots? could it be the color of his skin that makes them uncomfortable? maybe i'm just so appalled i'm looking for more reasons to disapprove of these women.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

1) First, and most importantly, blessings to you and your babe on his new arrival home!!

2) Perhaps you can find a way to pass on to this collection of geniuses that no one with HIV can immigrate to the Land of the Free (last I checked). (So no adopting foreign AIDS babies.)

3) I had the same question artgoddess did. Are there other African descent children in the playgroup?

What a collection of dumb bunnies....


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## Seasons (Jun 10, 2004)

Quote:

I found out this morning (through one of the playgroup members) that BACK IN DECEMBER, the rest of the group had voted to kick us out because my son could possibly infect their children with an "exotic disease." (The person who told me this was not party to this decision and just found out about it last week.)
Is it possible that you, hearing the story at least third-hand (i.e., the decision-makers told your friend who told you -- or maybe the decision-makers told somebody who told your friend who told you), that some facts got stretched?

I vaguely recall reading that when your son came home, he did have some bacterial infections, worms, that sort of thing. Is it possible, say, that you mentioned these problems to one of the playgroup members (or that they guessed; it wouldn't take too much insight to realize an Ethiopian orphan might have some infections), and that the playgroup in your absence expressed aloud their concern that some of these problems were contagious, and that they didn't want your family interacting until your son got a clean bill of health? If so, I don't think anybody did anything wrong (except by not telling you more quickly and openly of the decision). Heck, I'd say the same thing if, say, I found out a member of my kid's playgroup had lice or scabies or something. (But I think I *would* be more upfront about my concerns, directly with the other parent.)

Have you talked to the other playgroup members?

Heck, the situation might be exactly the way you painted it. I'm just trying to read another possibility. It would be very cool if you, say, called another playgroup member, she said it was all a mix-up, and you and your new son could re-join your friends -- all with some thoughtful stories to tell.


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## Seasons (Jun 10, 2004)

[


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Seasons*
It would be very cool if you, say, called another playgroup member, she said it was all a mix-up, and you and your new son could re-join your friends -- all with some thoughtful stories to tell.


I have to agree on this one. Of course, if it things are as you have been lead to believe, then







: to them all.

tayndrewsmama


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

they wanted to just wait until her ds had a clean bill of health and they could return they said they voted to KICK THEM OUT

that is not the same

and seems that if you are a FOUNDING member you should have some say or the others should at least have the decency and honesty to call her and say "hey we know you helped set us up , but you are in a situation now that we feel you and your children should no longer be a part of this group etc etc"
and make sure that any bylaws/rules etc that she drafted get returned to her so she can start a new group with true friends


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Well, you helped to found that group, which apparently has been taken over by ignorance, you can found another--with intelligent thinking mommas!

Now if they are meeting at public facilities such that discrimination would not be legally acceptable (never mind that it's unacceptable period), then you've got recourse of another kind. At the very least they will have to take their bigoted ignorance to their own private property like any other private organization....









Either way, that's a lousy way to find out who your true friends are and aren't.


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## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Seasons*
I vaguely recall reading that when your son came home, he did have some bacterial infections, worms, that sort of thing.

Yes, Seasons, you are right. He did have ringworm and two types of intestinal worms. I told the playgroup member that I spoke to about these things, and I also explained to her that the types of worms that he had are common in dogs, and are treated the same way you treat a dog: you take a pill and get a stool sample checked. I also told her that by the time we came to playgroup, my son would have taken the pills and had two stool samples taken, and that he would have been on medication for the ringworm for over two months. He was seen by the international adoption specialist 4 days after he got home.

I understand that people would have concerns, which is why I adressed the subject in the first place, and although I felt that the playgroup member with whom I discussed this asked some intrusive and insensitve questions, I realized that not everyone is as educated about international adoptions and the potential medical issues as we are. That's why I took the time to explain to her that my son had been seen by FOUR doctors and given a clean bill of health and that the (very small) issues I had mentioned would be non-issues by the time we returned to playgroup. I mean, my son spent the first 21 months of his life in a series of orphanages and the ONLY problems he comes home with are intestinal worms and ringworm? We thought we were doing pretty well!!

The woman that I had this conversation with initially called me today after she received my email. She claims that this is all a misunderstanding and that, since I had told the playgroup I would be taking two months off for my son to get acclimated to being here, that there was no problem with me returning ... when THEY felt comfortable with it, which they don't yet. This is the same woman who told my friend (who then relayed this to me) that they had all discussed it at playgroup one day and decided NOT to ask me back. So she's telling two different people two different stories. I think it's pretty hard to mistake "We decided not to invite her anymore" for anything other than what it is.

My personal feeling is that they did decide to kick me out and, now that I have found out what's going on and called them on it, they are backpedaling. My friend's opinion is that they are bigots and are using the health concerns to hide that fact. There are no other children of African descent in the playgroup.

The funniest thing about this sad situation is that they claim that their pediatricians support their decision. My sister, who has a PhD in immunology, is married to another immunology PhD who is also a pediatrician. They brought their then-14-month-old son from their home 9 hours away to meet his new cousin *2 weeks* after we arrived home ... they wanted to be there when we first came home, but we said wait a few weeks. So they clearly perceived no risk!

Not trying to nail you, Seasons. Just explaining more and updating.

Thanks for everyone's support.

Namaste!


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## our veggie baby (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:

He did have ringworm
Wow, yeah, I could really see them being concerned, as I myself caught that wild, exotic, contagious, incurable disease in ORLANDO FLORIDA from my CAT....*sighhhhhhhhh*....I think it was cured with like, some medicated lotion (I was young)...

I hate to say it, and as sad as it sounds and pathetic, but maybe the "exotic" disease they are worried about is his dark skin....are their any other children of color in the group? I know it is shocking and disgusting to even think that way, but I have been utterly SHOCKED at certain people in the past that I percieved to be open-minded and have turned out to be racist as he!!

I am so sorry this happened to you, I wish you good luck finding a playgroup that will be accepting of you and your son....


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## thistle (Aug 10, 2002)

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

I wish you lived near me. You'd be welcome to come to our house and play.


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## Seasons (Jun 10, 2004)

No worries, dharmamama, I don't feel nailed.









Like a lot of folks, I just try to find other explanations, hoping simple racism & unfounded fears aren't in my decade, my country. But given the other details you're filling in, sounds like you hit it exactly:

Quote:

My personal feeling is that they did decide to kick me out and, now that I have found out what's going on and called them on it, they are backpedaling.
That SUCKS. I'm sorry your family, and especially your son, is subject to this. Wish it were going to be the *only* one in his life.


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## FeministFatale (Dec 16, 2004)

The first thing I thought when I read your post is that they are probably racist. Just be glad that you found out now and you don't need to subject your son to their company. Now you know who NOT to hang out with. Find a new playgroup with open-minded people. I'm sorry that you had to find out that people you thought were your friends are not and worse than that have some racial issues going on.


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## FeministFatale (Dec 16, 2004)

Racism is definitely a part of your decade and in your country. America has a long history of racism and it is continuing that history (just look at our prison systems, racial profiling, our inner cities, the fact that neo-nazis and kkk still exist). I think it is important to be very aware of that so that we can help to eradicate it. I think it's also important that people who are white and not experiencing racism not try to come up with any other reason for why someone has been discriminated against for that is just continuing the racism. Let's face racism head on instead of pretending it doesn't exist.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I'm sorry this happened to you! I bet you are livid. I would be too. But the giant up side is that now you know. It is always better to know! Now you don't have to have these people around your child. I often think of the Oprah show (from years back) when she said "When people show you who they are, believe them." It is sad for you and your dc1 to lose those you thought were friends. But it doesn't sound like a huge loss... I would try to let it go - don't let their stupid and thoughtless actions poison this wonderful time for your family!

Could you start a playgroup with moms who've adopted from other countries? I bet there could be a lot of support and friendship (and much more understanding) in that kind of a group.

Congratulations on the adoption!


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I'm with the others who said that it sounds like racism; I think they're afraid of the little black boy and that they're just plain bigots.


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## spsmom (Jun 19, 2004)

i've been lurking about this thread and i am just so upset! i'm sure being pregnant, my hormones are just acting up!

but either way these moms are probably in the same category as this woman i came across several months ago. she was concerned that my son wasn't vaccinated. she didn't want her child near mine in case he got her sick! what? if she's vaccinated, wouldn't that protect her from my diseased child!

i know this is off the subject but that's all i could think of when i read your dilemma!

hugs to you. it sounds like maybe you should start a new group with not so psycho moms!


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## LongLiveLife (Nov 5, 2004)

Okay, i just want to make sure I have this straight:

Your daughter was in a playgroup. You have recently adopted a child from Ethiopia. Several months have passed since the adoption. The child has been through several doctors, who all gave him a clean bill of health. Yet, your daughter is now unwelcome in this playgroup that you started, and that she has attended pretty much all of her life, because the other mothers fear that she's carrying some sort of African disease...

...and there is some _doubt_ as to whether or not this is a race issue??? This is appalling.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

That is very sad and stupid.
I think you should found a more intelligent and diverse playgroup.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

You know, I think that I would find out when the next playgroup is, and just show up. See what they say.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

I'm sorry but it has to be more about race cause they being somewhat smart must realize that ANYONE can get ringworms or any type of worms right? Hell, my cousin had worms as a child and he's never been to ethiopia.








Ringworms are a cause for concern but they can be treated and go away surely they know that so it must be about more.


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## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

I know that one person was specifically worried about the worms, even though I explained that they were easily treated and would have been treated long before we came back to playgroup. Above and beyond that I think that it was concern about what they didn't know than what they did. I really think they believed that my son could at some point in the future be stricken with some strange African disease that was just lying dormant in his system, waiting to attack them!

I have a hard time believing that it's about race, at least for the person with whom I had the conversation, because I have known her long enough and talked to her about enough things that I know she's not bigoted. I can't speak for the others in the group, though, because I am not as close to them. I don't know what they think about in secret.









Regardless, it doesn't matter to me why they felt the need to exclude my son, either temporarily or permanently. They were afraid of my son because he was different and decided to keep their kids away from him. Even if he weren't African (suppose he was adopted from Russia and was Caucasian), I would say that it smacks of segregation and I wouldn't tolerate it.

Namaste!


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

It may be racism. It may just be fear of the unknown. Either way it just sucks. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this dharmamama.

I suspect that these parents are simply trying to 'protect' their children from some unknown disease, and trying to spare your feelings by lying about it. Because they are not as well educated as you are re: international adoption & health issues, they'd rather be safe than sorry.

HUGS to you my dear.


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

It's not your karma that is on the line here....it's theirs. Shame on them.


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

about not worried about THEY were comfortable with it since it was a playgroup **I** started after all
but that they would need to disband and regroup under a different name and regulations because I** would not want anyone mistaking MY group I started for their ELITIST SNOTTY untruthful group and that they would need to find a new meeting place as MY group would be using that as it always had..but then I am a snarky cranky old lady and very blunt and direct

( see I would say outright it seems to me the exotic you are worried about is skin colour and I practice diversity not hatred ..)


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

she should not have to find a more intelligent and diverse group SHE founded this group
the others need to go find more unenlightened folks like them and make room for the intelligent and enlightened to find their way to her


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## WhimsyTyme (Jun 2, 2004)

Mama - I have had playgroup issues as of late myself. Mind you, our issues are not nearly as absurd as yours!

Here I go with my two cents worth -

These women are not worth your time or your efforts. It is good that can now see their true colors. It is however, shameful, that you had to find out under these circumstances.

This is a time of rejoice for you, your family, and those close to you. If they cannot or choose not to be a part of this wonderful happening in your life, then they do not need to be part of your or darling daughter's life at all.

A friendship or even a regular, but casual relationship with people of this caliber could have subtle, and maybe even lasting, negative effects on you and your daughter.

Please try not to let their cruelty and ignorance put a damper on your spirits or make you sad mama. But do try to be thankful that you now know how they really are.

I send hugs and good vibes to you and your family.







I hurt for their darling children and the lessons they are wrongfully being taught!


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## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

Thanks again for all your support. No one that I have discussed this issue with has agreed with what these people did, and it makes me feel good to know that their viewpoint is in the minority.

The further into this I dig, the more bizarre it gets. It appears now that the members of the playgroup looked on the CDC website for information about health issues in international adoption. It lists the things that an internationally adopted child should be screened for when he/she arrives.

Instead of sending me this list and asking for my comments on it, they instead chose the stealth tactic of asking about the "exotic" disease thing. Since I didn't know I was being "tested," my answer apparently wasn't in depth enough to pass their test.

There's a HUGE difference between, "We were looking into international adoption and we found this information. Will/has your son be/been screened for these things?" and "Is your son going to infect us with any exotic diseases?" At least there is to me. And that whole secretly voting me out thing is still a major problem.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Are you going to go to the next group? I think you should, otherwise they get away with it.


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## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

No, because going would entail taking my children, and I don't think that's an appropriate environment for them. I don't want to intentionallty expose them to hostility, cruelty, and discrimination.

Namaste!


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## Red (Feb 6, 2002)

IDIOTS! If it had ben the week or ten days after he arrived, I'd see their concern, and expect them to confront you with them, face-to-face. But by now, well, do they think their little precious bundles aren't going to be faced with exotic diseases when they go to school?????!!!!

Make sure you point out that children can MOVE here, with their parents and start school, go to the supermarket, etc.

I was exposed to TB because a co-worker, who'd been in the states for many years, came up positive. Her son went to school with everyone else. And my kids school now frequently hosts students from other countries.

In fact, the town houses sstudents from Africa who wish to study at our high school. I never thought to worry if they were diseased. I trust that they arent' going to have sex with my daughters while studiying geography, or exchange any body fluids, or anything.

I wonder if when they donate blood, the recipients become racist pigs too!


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I am so sorry you and your little ones are going through this!


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## purplegirl (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy*







I'm with the others who said that it sounds like racism; I think they're afraid of the little black boy and that they're just plain bigots.








































He's blessed to have parents who will love him and protect him as long as they can from this crap.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CerridwenLorelei*
she should not have to find a more intelligent and diverse group SHE founded this group
the others need to go find more unenlightened folks like them and make room for the intelligent and enlightened to find their way to her


I agree that she needs to part company with the idiots however she can- found a new group or try to reform this one... and that is the important part of what we are both saying I think.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm just so sorry. You must feel really betrayed by people you thought were friends. It's terrible. Congratulations on your new son.

PS...worms happen all the damn time in a lot of economic circles. Seriously.


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## huggerwocky (Jun 21, 2004)

sounds like racism in disguise to me...or are people really that stupid and ignorant?


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## Midwesternmomma (Nov 2, 2003)

At this point, I think I would look at it like, would you really want to go back after all this anyway? I wouldn't if I were you. You have discovered that people you liked and trusted are IDIOTS, and that hurts. For that.... I give you HUGE hugs. But when the hurt stops a little you might think about finding a group of people that is more racially diverse and definately more open-minded. It might be hard to do where you live, it isn't easy where I live, but your son would be the brunt of more than just "the disease factor" with these people in the future. They are nasty, horrid people.... forcget about them ... does mothering have a tribe in your area?


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## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

Thanks again, everyone. My friend who told me about this playgroup decision promptly sent out an email to the rest of the group, basically telling them that if they were the type of people who thought it was ok to exclude people because of their (perceived) differences, she didn't want to be part of the group.

Now she's getting nasty emails from the other members, who are telling her she is intolerant and cleary doesn't care about the health of her children.

So, on top of the fact that my "friends" kicked me out, now I feel responsible for my friend being villified.

On the bright side, we went to an activity held by my kids' homeschool group yesterday, and everyone there was appalled by what had happened, and I felt like much less of a social pariah.

My husband and I sponsor a little girl in Ethiopia who lives in an orphange for kids who are HIV+. We visited her when we were in Ethiopia, and we have decided that if Ethiopia ever lifts their ban on adopting kids who have HIV, we will adopt her. I guess this is just a taste of what our life would be like after that.

Namaste!


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## Jish (Dec 12, 2001)

I wonder if these parents ever let their children play in the sand or dirt. Do you suppose they know that there are all sorts of wormy things that their children can pick of from that seemingly harmless activity?

And as far as ringworm goes, it has absolutely nothing to do with a worm. It is a fungal infection that gets its name from the ring shaped patches on the skin. I'm guessing that your former friends probably don't know that. BTW, ringworm is about as "unexotic" as it gets.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jish*
I wonder if these parents ever let their children play in the sand or dirt. Do you suppose they know that there are all sorts of wormy things that their children can pick of from that seemingly harmless activity?

And as far as ringworm goes, it has absolutely nothing to do with a worm. It is a fungal infection that gets its name from the ring shaped patches on the skin. I'm guessing that your former friends probably don't know that. BTW, ringworm is about as "unexotic" as it gets.

The year before last my sister had ringworm, and she was 21 years old. My nieces and another friend of the family got it, too, and noone knows where they got it from.

I have a nephew who had worms, because his mother unthinkingly bought a new puppy while he was just getting good at crawling. I won't go into the whole nastiness, but suffice it to say I learned a lot about worms. Neither of them is an exotic disease; like the OP said, it's incredible that that's all he came home with.

But again, I don't think that's the sort of "disease" they were thinking of when they decided to exclude her.














:


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

Even though you founded the group it has been hijacked and for that I'm sorry.

After reading through the op and all the responses if I were in your situation I'd start a new group and send out an invitation to the old group members and explain:
-that you understand a few members are not comfortable being around your son even though you've explained his health situation these members feel their medical knowledge and internet searches still trump the opinions of 4 M.D.s
-that you understand that not all of the members might feel the same
-that you're starting a new group that will be devoid of all the politics and showboating and will be filled with lots of fun, love and support for all the little ones and parents involved
-everyone is invited and your group will be meeting at the same time and day (just a different place) as the original group
-Keep it positive and don't feel like you have to explain his situation again.

Then sit back and see who shows up. I bet you will be surprised that quite a few are looking to get away from all the politics and just haven't taken the time or found an opportunity to do so.

Why can women be so catty? I'm sorry they've taken pot shots at your friend and I'm sorry they've made a mountain out of a molehill. I wish you all the best!


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## frand (May 8, 2004)

I have two thoughts:

1. when I was taking my daughter to a parent/child program, one of the children came one day with a reddish tinge to her eye one day. Her mother explained that she had scratched it and it was nothing contagious. But the little girl kept rubbing her eye and it got red and weepy. Two women started talking over in the corner and within a few minutes, both left with their children. They later called the school and complained that the child clearly had pinkeye and said that the teacher was incompetent because she should have insisted that the child with the red eye leave. It turned into a totally irrational situation all around. Everyone was white, it had nothing to do with race.

2. When my daughter was an infant, a close coworker told me she was taking three weeks off to go to see her father in Uganda. Her father was a doctor, an immunologist no less. At that time Uganda was in the news as the site of the highest number of Ebola virus cases. Does anyone remember the stories about what a mystery Ebola was and what an agonizing, rapid death it brought--bleeding from the eyes, etc? I worried like crazy. I was a new mom who had taken years to get pregnant and I had a healthy baby and I became irrational. In the end, she cancelled her trip, not because of me (I never told her about my worries because I felt guilty) but because her father was too busy.

Fear brings out the worst in us. It's pretty much the history of the human race.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

First of all congrats on the arrival of your ds!!!









As far as the playgroup, they sound so ignorant and close-minded. That is just horrible! Anyone can get a tropical disease just by going out in public. Our world is so globalized. How do they know if the money they handle was just coughed on by someone with TB?

So what are you going to do? (I haven't read through it all if you answered that already).


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## Ponoma (Jan 11, 2002)

Dharmamama,

To think such ignorance and stupidity is so close to home.
stunning just stunning ignorance and discrimination.
Does dd realize that something is amiss? I truly hope not -
keep on doing your best to keep those bad vibes and women away from your babies.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I really think Frand may be on to something. Fear of your child (especially when you are talking the firstborn) getting a disease/illness/malady of whatever variety can be very upsetting and put some into extreme worry mode!

I agree it should have been handled better (more discussion and none of the vote her out stuff - maybe a compromise that they didn't attend playgroup for a short period of time? to make sure anything had been dealt with and was over). I know that prejudice still exists in our country but I'm just not convinced that was the case here. The fear of their kids getting worms could explain it. If it really was prejudice, then you are obviously better off without them. Even if it wasn't, they don't sound (except for the one woman who stood up for you) very supportive or friendly.

Good luck finding/forming a new playgroup.


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## whatever (May 4, 2004)

Regardless of the motive for their actions( IMO racism and xenophobia), Dharmamama should not have been excluded like that. I agree that if she is a founding member it is they who should leave the group.

I wonder if it's occurred to any of the other moms that the same thing could easily happen to them since they seem to be able to abandon each other so lightly.

I'm just outraged, and that's not a state that I reach easily!


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

What is _wrong_ with people?







:


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## duckat (Jan 10, 2005)

That's just ridiculous. I don't know what else to say.


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## boricuaqueen327 (Oct 11, 2004)

AW! I'm sorry that happened to you. Ignorance makes people do mean things.


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## atomicmama (Aug 21, 2004)

I'm appalled. I'm very sorry they're so ignorant. Honestly, you and your children are better off without them. But I'm sure you know that!


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