# Please help me, I'm about to spank my 3 year old



## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

I have had it - I am just beyond exasperated. What do you do with a three year old who refuses to take a nap and then stands in her doorway, yelling at you in the rudest possible voice, "Mommy, come here NOW!!!" while you are trying to nurse the baby to sleep?? What else do I do with such outright defiance? I have sat her down on the couch and told her to wait so I can decide what to do with her... and she immediately gets up to get a toy! She has zero respect for me and I do not know what to do with her anymore. Please help, anyone who has dealt with a 3 yo who just doesn't give a rat's a$$ about a thing you say or request of her.


----------



## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

You might not find this helpful, but I would stop expecting her to obey. My son is 3 and he doesn't always understand that we have to be quiet when the baby is trying to sleep. He isn't trying to be disrespectful or defiant, he just doesn't get it. He knows he wants his mother to come and play with him or whatever, and he doesn't understand why she can't. I think your expectations may be too high.


----------



## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I'd give her something to keep her busy while you put the baby to bed: clay, paper and crayons, a snack.

Do you use TV? What about a half hour video?


----------



## lactivist (Jun 14, 2005)

My kids were long done with naps by 3yo so I wouldn't expect them to nap. I also find that my 3yo only listens to me about 1/2 the time and that he absolutely doesn't want to listen when I am tied up with the baby. I get him involved/occupied with something before I sit down to nurse and expect a lot of interruptions. He is just able to really grasp that if he is quiet and leaves me alone I can help him quicker.

Wendi


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

3 has been really hard here.

For me the only thing that really works (and it's not 100%) is to force myself to NOT take it seriously and to be playful about it whenever possible.

(please let 4 be better....)

-Angela


----------



## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

When my oldest was 3 and I had a baby to nurse to get down for nap, sometimes the only way to get the baby to sleep and keep my sanity was to either put them in the stroller to go for a walk or put them in the car and go for a drive. This way the baby would sleep, and if we were in the car the 3 year old often did too (then I'd camp out in the car in the driveway with the kids, a with a magazine/book and an iced coffee for a half-hour of blissful quiet).

Could you set aside super special toys or activities (that can be done independently) that are only available while you help baby fall asleep?

3 is hard, it's my least favorite age so far. 4 gets better.


----------



## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Maybe go over and give her a hug and some empathy about how hard it is to be replaced by a younger sibling and not ever have your undivided attention anymore?

You are the love of her life and you have thrown her over for the newcomer.

My kids didn't nap at all at 3. If she has given up her nap and is in the difficult transition time from napper to non-napper, maybe you can make a plan with her for what y'all will do while the baby is nursing to sleep. Can you read to her and snuggle her while you nurse?


----------



## MommaShark (Oct 23, 2007)

Take a deep breath - it's not personal - she doesn't truly get it - although look at how much attention she can get if she's a monkey!!!! (doesn't care if it's negative).....maybe don't expect her to all asleep on her own will she let you read to her in bed while you nurse or just lay down with you while you nurse....or a special quiet toy she only gets while she's waiting for you to get baby down then she can play with you.............or cuddle with you or whatever.

I'm sorry - I have a 2.5 year old whom I wanted to spank today - but when I try to figure out how he's feeling the anger melts and I'm able to deal with him in a more calm and loving state. (I'm minding a friend's child and my kid is just too rough and tumble for this meek guy.)


----------



## Mom2Boy&Girl (Aug 25, 2007)

My son just turned three and, honestly, it's a crap shoot on whether he naps on any given day. He does understand "quiet time," though, so I personally don't think it's too much to expect your DD to be quiet when the baby is sleeping. I'd adjust your expectations about the nap thing, and maybe set her up with a quiet activity while you're nursing? Or even ask her to sit with you and maybe read a book while you nurse? I know my son used to love it when we did that ...

If your baby is new, then you might be dealing with a little jealousy from your 3yo. Mine are only 16 months apart and I never really had experience with it, but my sister's children are 3.5 years apart and she said that the jealousy thing was a daily challenge for her with her oldest.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree that the threes are the hardest age so far and I know it's hard.


----------



## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
Maybe go over and give her a hug and some empathy about how hard it is to be replaced by a younger sibling and not ever have your undivided attention anymore?

You are the love of her life and you have thrown her over for the newcomer.

My kids didn't nap at all at 3. If she has given up her nap and is in the difficult transition time from napper to non-napper, maybe you can make a plan with her for what y'all will do while the baby is nursing to sleep. Can you read to her and snuggle her while you nurse?











In retrospect, I realize that much of the difficulty I had with naptime when my oldest was 3 had to do with not only the fact that she just couldn't sleep at naptime anymore, but also with jealousy. I was asking her to be quietly independent (hard for her at age 3) and accept not getting my attention for what seemed to her to be a really long time, while her baby brother was getting warm, snuggly, nursing time with me. I realize now that it probably would've helped a lot for me to have understood that, and to have made my response less about being quiet or sleeping and more about how I understood about how hard it is to wait and to have a new sibling. It would've helped to have made plans for "special time" together once the baby was asleep-making that a routine to look forward to. These are things that helped when our third baby came along.


----------



## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)




----------



## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Good for you for coming here and looking for suggestions!

I tend to also go with humor. It's the only thing that completely brings us together. I have a very serious daughter though and sometimes that won't work. She had complete meltdowns and the only thing to do is to try to hug and hold her. Maybe you can feed the baby while sitting on the floor so that your 3yo can sit next to you at the same time.

Good luck. 3 is my least favorite year (so far)
Lisa


----------



## HeatherRD (Oct 22, 2007)

Going along with the posters who recommend humor and playfulness, I loved the book, Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.


----------



## velveeta (May 30, 2002)

The first thing to do is to be gentle with yourself.







That was such a hard thing for me when my older DS was a little bit younger (he's 5 now, and the difference is night and day). He was 3 1/2 when baby DS was born, and the first months were sheer hell.

I always find that lowered expectations help us all to do better. I lower them for me, for my kids, my DH. Even for the dog!









3 is so, so hard. 4 is easier and 5 is easier still.


----------



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Your expectations are too high. I can say that because I did the same thing with my dd. Now, w/ds1, I can't believe the things I got so mad at her over. Because when she got old enough to be able to do them, she could. But that's how those oldest kids get that Type A personality, right?









What helps me calm down is to assume positive intent. Try, try, try to think of what is good in what she is trying to do. Maybe she just wants to play with the baby, because she loves her so much. Maybe she just doesn't want to be lonely. Whatever can make you feel less like she gives a rat's a$$ about you, and more like she's a normal 3 yo with some very strong desires of her own.

I would also highly recommend books on tape or CD for her to listen to while you get the baby to sleep, and then you can give her some one-on-one time.


----------



## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

He's only standing at the door and shouting? You lucky mommy you -- mine's favorite trick was to go pee on the furniture! So you are not alone, it does get better, this is a hard time for both you and him.

Agree that this isn't outright defiance but a mix of probably not needing the nap, being exceptionally jealous of the attention that goes to the baby while he is, in his view, exiled to his room, being bored, not understanding that you can't actually get up at the moment. Actually, if he's standing in his doorway I'll be he is trying his hardest to obey you -- I'll bet you told him to stay in his room, didn't you? And he did!

Quiet activities, car rides or stroller walks, videos (that was my salvation), letting him lie next to you, all of these seem like good suggestions to try.


----------



## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I agree that you are expecting too much from a 3 yo. No way would any of mine taken a nap or kept quiet at that age for me to nurse the baby to sleep.

I went for a walk, with the baby in the sling, or a drive, where sometimes all three kids went to sleep. I'd then park up, read a book, or listen to the radio while they napped. Or if I was feeling brave I'd try to move them onto the bed.

Sometimes I could lie down with all of them and nurse the baby, and the others would drift off to sleep too. But mine weren't good nappers, so this only worked occasionally - plus I was dealing with three of them, so statistically, my chances were not so good.









As they got older, I used a video at naptimes, which sometimes worked. But I had to keep perspective and realise that often, nothing would work, period. Because they are three years old, and they are not _supposed_ to want to take a nap or be quiet so that we can deal with the baby.


----------



## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

Thank you everyone. I was able to control myself and not spank her, although I told her I was considering it... is that bad?

My big problem is that the only way the baby (almost 6 mo btw) will nap longer than 30 minutes is if we lay down together and I nurse her that way. If I get up, she'll be awake in 30 minutes. If she falls asleep in the sling, it's only for 30 minutes. If I nurse her to sleep in my lap and let her hang out there, asleep and nursing, she may last up to 40 minutes. So I feel the need to help her get in one longer nap each afternoon (because she also won't sleep for more than 30 min. without me in the evening, if I nurse her down and leave her in the bed). She sleeps great most of the night, only nursing once or twice... because I'm right next to her, I guess.

I have tried letting my 3 yo lay with us... she just wiggles around nonstop and talks to herself, so the baby can't sleep.

I have given up on the naptime idea and plan to change it to quiet time. I am going to see how this works tomorrow. I was actually going to try today, but then she woke up an hour and a half earlier than usual, so I thought she'd take a nap! I'm going to give her several special things to do in her room and see if she ca handle it for an hour. The thing is, in the past she has been capable of looking at books quietly in her room for over an hour... and then she suddenly wasn't able to do it anymore. She'd just yell and open/close the door repeatedly. So now, I hope that the variety will help her to be more entertained. We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, when I felt like I was about to lose it, she had been in her room yelling at me... then when I got up, I put her on the couch in the den. I told her I was very angry and wanted to spank her, and that I needed to decide what to do. She got off the couch to play, and she jumped on the couch too - something she's never done before, actually! So that pushed my buttons more, but somehow I stayed rational enough to not spank her. Instead, I took her doll away from her... don't ask me why, I just felt like I needed to do something to make an impression, especially since my dh thinks she "walks all over me" and stuff... we disagree on discipline methods a fair amount, and I am trying to compromise with him some while not giving in to things like spanking, sending kids to bed without dinner, etc. (stuff he thinks is okay to use as discipline). Anyway, after I took the doll, I remembered something I'd read about "grounding in the family" as a gentle discipline tactic. It's typically for older kids, but I went with it, and it ended up being a kind of "time in." I told her she needed to stick with me the rest of the afternoon and practice following my directions, no playing, and then she could have her doll back to take to bed. After initially being really upset, she did quite well with that... I cuddled her and helped her calm down, told her I knew she was sad without her toys (esp her doll), but that I wanted her to take me seriously (which has really been causing a rift between dh and me). She worked w/ me all afternoon on stuff I needed to do: laundry, dishes, a craft project, folding diapers... and we both really enjoyed the time together! It was so nice not to feel resentment toward her!!!

So, I guess I could've done worse, right? I didn't spank her, and that is a relief to me now!!


----------



## Mom2Boy&Girl (Aug 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2caroline* 
I told her she needed to stick with me the rest of the afternoon and practice following my directions, no playing, and then she could have her doll back to take to bed. After initially being really upset, she did quite well with that... I cuddled her and helped her calm down, told her I knew she was sad without her toys (esp her doll), but that I wanted her to take me seriously (which has really been causing a rift between dh and me). She worked w/ me all afternoon on stuff I needed to do: laundry, dishes, a craft project, folding diapers... and we both really enjoyed the time together! It was so nice not to feel resentment toward her!!!

What a creative solution for you! I'm glad the whole thing ended on a positive note. And (IMO) it sounds like the extra time with you was probably what she was trying to communicate to you in her 3yo way.










Kudos to you!


----------



## cpop (May 3, 2006)

It sometimes worked with my dd when my twins were tiny if I told her that I just need to get the babies to sleep so we can bake cookies/read a book/play with blocks etc. So that getting the babies to sleep was something that I was doing for her benefit? Didn't always work, but sometimes.


----------



## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

Turn your point of view. We always do the opposite way. We go to bed together, I read stories for Dd1 (3 years next week, so I feel for ya!), sing to her, and...._oh, yeah, your little sister is nursing, but that is not so important, b/c she doesnt' bother you...you know what? If you are listening to this story quietly, Dd2 will fal asleep soon and we can read a few more tales, just you and me, sounds cool, huh?

_I always try to do things with Dd1 on the first place. She still has the strong need to be the most important person for mama, and the 16 mo sister is fine if she can nurse or just be a part of her big sister's day.


----------



## bscal (Feb 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
He's only standing at the door and shouting? You lucky mommy you -- mine's favorite trick was to go pee on the furniture! So you are not alone, it does get better, this is a hard time for both you and him.


LMBO!! My oldest DD would do that too... she'd wait until I was about 5 minutes into a nursing session with younger DD and then pee all over the floor (on the rug of course, no one ever pees in the kitchen on linoleum) OR she'd deliberately poop in her panties. YUCK! She peed on the dog once b/c she was so desperate for attention from me.

Now, to answer the OP question. I would give your DD a quiet activity and a set time that she has to have quiet time. You might want to start with 15 or 20 minutes. Play a CD for that time period, when the CD is done then Quiet Time is over and she can come out of her room. (I burned a classical CD with 20 minutes worth of music.) My DD is allowed to play with anything in her room or read books, but she has to be quiet (no screaming or jumping on the bed) and she cannot come out of her room during quiet time. After quiet time is over then she and I have a "playdate" while my younger 2 are both napping. We do something different everyday but it's usually something she chooses - we play school and practice reading or writing, have a tea party and pretend we're fancy ladies, play board games or draw pictures together. Usually we play for about 30 minutes then I have to do my "work" for the day... dishes, laundry, straightening the living room, etc. Most of the time she helps me... she can load the dishwasher better than DH can... sometimes she just pulls a chair to wherever I am and talks with me. After that we have a little tv time and I hop online to surf the net, pay bills, check email... she sits right by my side. She is ALWAYS better behaved when she's had "quality time" with mommy. She is not well behaved if we've had a crazy week and I had too many chores to do to play with her. (Sometimes I have to just deal with the dishes later if she needs my attention).

As for getting your LO to sleep longer... I wish you luck on that one. Will your baby sleep in the swing? My DS would sack out in the swing in the middle of my living room with his 2 big sisters playing and he'd sleep for 2 hours as long as that swing kept moving (we went through a LOT of batteries). Car rides work for us as well when naptime isn't going smoothly. Hopefully you'll find something to help your LO nap a bit longer.

Beth


----------



## jaxinsmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2caroline* 
Thank you everyone. I was able to control myself and not spank her, although I told her I was considering it... is that bad? *No, that's human when you are raising a 3 year old.*

My big problem is that the only way the baby (almost 6 mo btw) will nap longer than 30 minutes is if we lay down together and I nurse her that way. If I get up, she'll be awake in 30 minutes. If she falls asleep in the sling, it's only for 30 minutes. If I nurse her to sleep in my lap and let her hang out there, asleep and nursing, she may last up to 40 minutes. So I feel the need to help her get in one longer nap each afternoon (because she also won't sleep for more than 30 min. without me in the evening, if I nurse her down and leave her in the bed). She sleeps great most of the night, only nursing once or twice... because I'm right next to her, I guess.

*My dd (just over 5 months) has been very fussy lately and will only fall asleep if I'm lying and nursing her -- or if she's in the sling on my hip. Has your lo been like this from the beginning, or is this new behaviour?*

I have tried letting my 3 yo lay with us... she just wiggles around nonstop and talks to herself, so the baby can't sleep.

*OMG, my 3.5 yo ds could not lay with me and dd to save his life! He'll touch her, and then scream at me "I only want to see Nelllllllllaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"







: But, his idea of "seeing her" is touching her face while she's trying to nurse to sleep. Yea, not a good idea







*

Anyway, when I felt like I was about to lose it, she had been in her room yelling at me... then when I got up, I put her on the couch in the den. I told her I was very angry and wanted to spank her, and that I needed to decide what to do. She got off the couch to play, and she jumped on the couch too - something she's never done before, actually! So that pushed my buttons more, but somehow I stayed rational enough to not spank her. Instead, I took her doll away from her... don't ask me why, I just felt like I needed to do something to make an impression, especially since my dh thinks she "walks all over me" and stuff... we disagree on discipline methods a fair amount, and I am trying to compromise with him some while not giving in to things like spanking, sending kids to bed without dinner, etc. (stuff he thinks is okay to use as discipline). Anyway, after I took the doll, I remembered something I'd read about "grounding in the family" as a gentle discipline tactic. It's typically for older kids, but I went with it, and it ended up being a kind of "time in." I told her she needed to stick with me the rest of the afternoon and practice following my directions, no playing, and then she could have her doll back to take to bed. After initially being really upset, she did quite well with that... I cuddled her and helped her calm down, told her I knew she was sad without her toys (esp her doll), but that I wanted her to take me seriously (which has really been causing a rift between dh and me). She worked w/ me all afternoon on stuff I needed to do: laundry, dishes, a craft project, folding diapers... and we both really enjoyed the time together! It was so nice not to feel resentment toward her!!!

So, I guess I could've done worse, right? I didn't spank her, and that is a relief to me now!!


Wow, sounds like you figured things out pretty well!







about your dp! I know what you mean, I don't think most guys 'get it'. Our dd was crying this morning and I asked dp to get her and he said "why can't we just let her cry?"







"nevermind, I'll get her" was my response. grrr.

The best advice I got on this forum (a few weeks ago, when I posted a similar thread about my 3.5 year old) was that you may not see a difference _now_, but that everything you are doing is sinking in.... you _will_ start to see a change in your dd's behaviour ~ but it might take a while. Your efforts to be gentle and kind with your dd *will* pay off.

FWIW, I think you're doing a great job......it will get easier.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *bscal* 
LMBO!! My oldest DD would do that too... she'd wait until I was about 5 minutes into a nursing session with younger DD and then pee all over the floor (on the rug of course, no one ever pees in the kitchen on linoleum) OR she'd deliberately poop in her panties. YUCK! She peed on the dog once b/c she was so desperate for attention from me.

Beth









that's too much -- I thought my ds waiting until I was nursing to shout from the bathroom "CAN SOMEBODY WIPE MY BUMMMMMMMMMMMM? was bad!


----------



## IlluminatedAttic (Aug 25, 2006)

Looks like you are getting lots of good advice! I wanted to add that my ds was a horrible sleeper/napper as a baby as well. A friend told me about a technique where you go into the napping baby about five minutes before she would normally wake up and as they are just coming out of the deeper sleep state you parent them back to sleep - for us that meant nursing him and then in a few weeks just rubbing his back. I guess that if they don't fully wake they are easier to get back down and the longer sleeping time eventually becomes a habit. My 25-30 minute sleeper lengthened to 45 minutes to sometimes an hour and 15 minutes.

I later found out this idea was at least in part from the Baby Whisperer, who I in NO WAY endorse, but this very gentle technique did make a difference for us.


----------



## mommy2caroline (May 9, 2007)

thanks everybody... funniest thing, too: we did quiet time today, dd had lots of choices of stuff to do in her room, and after 45 minutes i didn't even hear movement any more. turned up the monitor, and i hear her snoring away...









AND, last night i put the babe to sleep in our bed, fully expecting her to wake in 30 min, but at least i could get a shower, right? she slept for TWO AND A HALF HOURS!!!!!!! i kept checking to make sure she was still breathing! when i went to bed myself and lay down next to her, i found out why she hadn't woken up... she had her thumb in her mouth! i'm not going to start expecting this every night, though!!!


----------



## jaxinsmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2caroline* 
, i found out why she hadn't woken up... she had her thumb in her mouth! i'm not going to start expecting this every night, though!!!

Aww, that's great!!! Honestly, when my little dd started sucking her thumb a few months ago, she also started sleeping for LONG stretches (like, through the night) because she was able so self soothe back to sleep.








:


----------



## tatermom (Jun 11, 2005)

Good for you for finding a way to do "quiet time" with DD. I have not found a way to get DS1 to stay quiet for more than approx 15 min at a time, if that, and DS2 will NOT go to sleep if DS1 is doing anything remotely interesting near him. Unfortunately I've resorted to a 30 min video for DS1, almost every day, just to get DS2 to sleep... I was not so excited about DS1 watching TV every day (they are all DVDs that we choose, but still, we try to be pretty TV-free) but I figured that was far far less damaging than me being frustrated and angry with DS every day for expecting him to be able to do something he is just not able to do at this point. This way DS1 relaxes and enjoys his educational DVDs, DS2 gets his nap, and I get to enjoy a peaceful half hour, so we all win.


----------



## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

get some "new" books and put them in a basket specifically for when you are nursing. If there is a spot you like to nurse, put them there.... the books can be rotated out of the bookshelf, ones that you may buy on occasion, or books from the library that you can change weekly!!! (also gives you a fun outing for the 3 year old).

this will create a positive, expected activity during the times that you nurse so that you can sit still for a second and enjoy it!

I had a 2.4 year old ds when my dd was born, and often would nurse her on the floor near where he played or even in a sling while he did playdough or at lunch at the counter in the kitchen. I tried really hard to not let nursing break up HIS schedule..... if you want dd to be in her bed, maybe you could come nurse in her room or outside her door.


----------



## MrsAprilMay (Jul 7, 2007)

My DD will be 3 at the end of the month. When DS was born, I found that she used sleep (or lack of sleep, not wanting naps or fighting sleep at night specifically) to express her emotions over the upset in our household. And it was tough, even though I think that she did a beautiful job of transitioning from only child to older sister. We all had times where we were angry, jealous, lonely and frustrated.

Playful Parenting was really helpful to me. So was the 30 minutes of peace that a Signing Time DVD brought.







Now we're 6 months into it, and I don't have to resort to TV time everyday for sanity. I moved her toddler bed into our room so she can nap either in her room or in mine while I nurse DS. Just reaching over and stroking her hair while I nurse DS to sleep is often enough to let her know that she's still my baby and I love her. If I need to nurse DS (which now takes about half the time it did when he was a newborn) I help her find something to stay busy with like a snack or a special toy.

It will get easier. The transition is tough, but you will all make it through it together and come out stronger on the other side.







:


----------



## alisonsage (Feb 4, 2006)

really glad to find this thread. i have found myself in this situation more than once and am happy to hear other perspectives on it.

i know my dd1 gets jealous and wants attention but sometimes it is just too much for me and i need a break for my brain to recover. at these points i usually resort to driving around with them both and listening to a loreena mckennet cd that puts them both to sleep. it's funny- i try to walk for most of my errands for obvious reasons but will drive for nap time. a mama has got to do what she's got to do. i can't wait for the weather to start cooling off here so that it is not to hot to go strolling mid day!


----------



## CaraboosMama (Mar 31, 2005)

I 2nd the recommendation for Playful Parenting.

I was a little sad to see one poster who felt like it's not okay to expect your three year old to be respectful! I agree that expectations of a 3 year old and an older child are different, but showing respect is a learned behavior. You can tell your child "Yelling at mommy is not ok. We need to be gentle with each other." And you may say it a bazillion times over the next year. And taking a silly approach too - you may need to do it endlessly until she starts to self-regulate these behaviors.


----------



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CaraboosMama* 
I 2nd the recommendation for Playful Parenting.

I was a little sad to see one poster who felt like it's not okay to expect your three year old to be respectful! I agree that expectations of a 3 year old and an older child are different, but showing respect is a learned behavior. You can tell your child "Yelling at mommy is not ok. We need to be gentle with each other." And you may say it a bazillion times over the next year. And taking a silly approach too - you may need to do it endlessly until she starts to self-regulate these behaviors.

I wonder if you thought that was me, and I'd like to clarify. ITA that 3 yos should be respectful, and can be. What I was referring to is expecting a 3 yo to have the self-control to stay quietly in their room when their mom is nursing the baby.


----------



## Lolafanana (Dec 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sledg* 
When my oldest was 3 and I had a baby to nurse to get down for nap, sometimes the only way to get the baby to sleep and keep my sanity was to either put them in the stroller to go for a walk or put them in the car and go for a drive. This way the baby would sleep, and if we were in the car the 3 year old often did too (then I'd camp out in the car in the driveway with the kids, a with a magazine/book and an iced coffee for a half-hour of blissful quiet).


This is my life. I love my car breaks.


----------



## CaraboosMama (Mar 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natensarah* 
I wonder if you thought that was me, and I'd like to clarify. ITA that 3 yos should be respectful, and can be. What I was referring to is expecting a 3 yo to have the self-control to stay quietly in their room when their mom is nursing the baby.


Ah! Gotcha







Yeah that's not really an age appropriate expectation for most kids.

eta - actually natensarah, it wasn't your post.


----------



## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

You are the adult. She is 3. She doesn't have a lot of impulse control, but YOU DO. So, you're going to need to suck it up and take some deep breaths and get some patience to deal with your daughter, who I'm sure is a wonderful child whom you love very much and is a blessing in your life.

I usually find that these kinds of rough patches last only 15 minutes or so. And, it's not only about you getting to do what you need or want to do, but it's a balance of everyone working out something at works.

I would let a 3 year old who does not want to nap to play or watch TV and I would remind the 3 year old to please play quietly because mom is helping the baby get to sleep. I might guide the 3 year old to an activity and explain that I can't play now, but will play as soon as the baby is resting.

It sounds like your daughter wanted attention, and perhaps the two of you can find more positive ways to strike a balance that meets both of your needs.

I do think it is about cooperation and respect for what each of you wants. I think it's OK if she doesn't nap, and at her age she may still need help at times to find something appropriate to do, and sometimes, you may need to be more flexible with your plans of whatever task you want to do to give her a little extra time. It's possible that spending 10 or 15 minutes with her will do the trick.

Spanking doesn't do anything to help. It will hurt her, and it will hurt your relationship. That's not what you want.


----------



## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lolafanana* 
This is my life. I love my car breaks.

I would do this too sometimes when I was desperate (although I could bring the kids in and often have successful transfers to the crib and bed). But now with gas prices I'm trying to avoid what I now call "the two dollar nap".


----------



## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I also found at age 3ish that naps and sleeping are very variable. Some days you'll get a long nap, some days, no nap at all, some days it will look like no nap but the child will crash late in the day and fall asleep.

I think it helps to understand it's not consistent, and to work with whatever situation presents itself and that your child can kind of start to self-regulate when they are tired and need to sleep and when they aren't. You can try to offer a nap or some lying down time, and if it doesn't work, try again later in the day, and maybe you'll get it or not. But it's all OK, it just requires more going with the flow.


----------

