# Giving herself hickies-is this normal?



## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

Dd, age 7, has given herself a hicky on her arm a few different times. Each time we talk about it and she says she does it because "it feels good" and I explain that it is not appropriate/socially acceptable, etc. and that she should find something else to do with her mouth. It creeps me out a little and I wonder *why* she is doing it and whether it is just normal. She had a binky until she was three and nursed until she was 39 months, so surely her oral needs were met when she was little. I don't get it.

This last time I offered to get out the baby chew toys and binkies for her if she wanted them. She said no thanks, but she did think gum sounded like a good idea.

Does anybody agree with my theory that it is something akin to masturbation, which would be part of normal self exploration at this age. Should I explain that that kind of stuff is okay, but should be private, so she should not leave visible evidence on her arms?


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## shine (Nov 20, 2001)

I used to suck on my upper arm when I was a kid -- around 8 or 9 I think, and it wasn't akin to masturbation, but rather was a simple oral thing -- I remember it as feeling comforting and I only did it when I was bored or daydreaming. I started chewing gum right around that time too, so that was probably what stopped it my case. All that said, I never left marks... but that doesn't really mean much I think.

hope that helps


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## LoveBeads (Jul 8, 2002)

I remember doing that. My mom never said a word and I stopped after doing it a few times.

I personally don't equate it with masturbation at all - I don't even really equate it with sex since I've never been a giver or receiver of hickies (just seemed to scream to the world something that I preferred to keep private).

It wouldn't bother me so I wouldn't say anything - maybe someone else has better advice.


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

It is normal. It is an interesting sensation. It is self-exploration, sure, but not akin to masturbation. I remember doing this as a child and it doesn't have anything to do with any kind of sexual feeling, it is just an interesting sensation. I'd just ask her to stop before the point where it seems there will be a mark, but if that isn't possible, just make sure the mark is covered until it heals (I don't see anything wrong with it and neither do many of us MDC mamas, but it may scream all the 'wrong' things to some types of people).


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## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

it's a normal thing that a lot of kids do. it's not sexual. maybe if you took it out of the sexual "hickeys on the neck" context and looked at it again?

a hickey is just a suction mark. sucking on your arm isn't masturbating.


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## Sofiamomma (Jan 4, 2002)

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad you think it is normal. In my defense, though, I do think it is related to sexual behavior, perhaps only because it is a sensual thing. It is the response that it feels good that led me in that direction, not "hickies on the neck." I think, generally, kids masturbate because it feels good, not necessarily that it is sexual. After all the brain is the largest sexual organ, and sex on the brain of a child that age is usuallly something like "Ewwww, people do that?!" kwim?

I admit, my first response was something like "Ack, what will people think?!", followed closely by "Where did I go wrong? I extended breastfeeding! Did I still wean her too soon?" LOL


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## Persephone (Apr 8, 2004)

I used to give myself hickies... though they were never called that. Mom just called them bruises, after all, that's what they are, broken blood vessels close to the skin. I did it once, because I was bored or whatever, and then after that because it was interesting to see what happened to my skin when I sucked on it long enough. I used to also stick cups over my mouth and suck on them til they stuck by themself. Just another fun experiment to try. It's harmless.


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## skj474 (Jul 19, 2002)

DD used to do this too, she did it when she was bored or stressed. Not a sexual thing here. She also gave herself rug burns when she was 3 on her inner forearms, she was walking around a pole that had carpet around it at the laundrymat. I felt awful because it left these awful marks on her arms.


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## Wabi Sabi (Dec 24, 2002)

I can remember doing this when I was around fourth or fifth grade. It wasn't for any sort of oral stimulation nor because it felt good. I clearly remember doing it just because I thought it was pretty cool that I could give myself such impressive looking bruises!


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## Lil'M (Oct 27, 2002)

My 7 yr old dd gave herself a hickey not too long ago and I basically mentioned that I didn't think it was a great idea and explained that she was breaking blood vessels under the skin to give herself a bruise. I was very casual about it and she didn't do it again. If she had continued, I probably would have ignored it, but just made sure that it was curiosity, not some kind of a sign of anxiety that needed to be addressed. I believe it is ok for kids to explore their body and how it feels (in private), so personally it wouldn't bother me if she was doing it as a sensual, just feels good kind of a thing.


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