# when should i let her shave?



## smashlie (Jul 3, 2008)

My 9.5year old is asking how old she needs to be to start shaving her legs. I've been dreading this! What do you guys think a good age is for this?


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## tpott4 (Nov 8, 2007)

I let my dd shave her underarms at 11 and her legs at 12.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

I'd say if she has underarm hair or has started her period it would be ok. I also would be fine with it if she had very hairy legs that made her self-conscious.

If she is really curious, she will shave. I know I tried it at that age with my grandfather's razor... I shaved my arms a couple of times just to try it.

So... One way or the other, I'd discuss it with her... Does she think she needs it? Does she simply want to try? Did someone else tell her she needs to?

Whether you are saying ok to it or no, I would discuss that it's important not to share razors with anyone (it's kind of like toothbrush), that when the time comes she should use cream, etc.

Let us know what you decide.


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## Teensy (Feb 22, 2002)

I was teased for having very hairy limbs, so that's my bias. . .

but, I would let her do it now if she wants to. It's not expensive, immoral, unhealthy, or dangerous. She can shave if she chooses. She can quit if she chooses, no biggie.

I would buy one of the razors with the shaving gel built in - much easier to use.

If she's merely asking, kinda like, when can I get a driver's license, then you can be vague say some girls shave at 11, some at 18, some never do.


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

: This is a perfect opportunity for her to experience some autonomy with few risks. I'm one to say that its her body, and if she wants to shave, fine. You may well find she loses interest, in any case


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

In answer to her question, I would tell her that she's old enough to shave if she has hair that needs shaving off. Then let her pick out a razor, show her how, and that's that.


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## RunnerDuck (Sep 12, 2003)

When she's hairy enough to be self conscious about it ... it's time to let her.

I needed to by 5th grade but didn't start to do it regularly until 6th grade - unless you count the time I did it when I was 5 out of curiosity. What a mess!

FWIW - I hate shaving and tend to just go hairy most of the time unless I will be showing leg. I'm too hairy to just make an "I'm OK with myself" statement... I'm more "Yes I have a hormone imbalance." I've tried waxing and other hair yanking methods and my skin doesn't respond well. A blade seems to irritate my skin badly, too. About a year ago I changed to using a Braun men's electric shaver - mine is a syncropro with the self cleaning base - and it's so much better for me. No cuts, my skin is so much better off, I can do it comfortably on the floor instead of contorting in the shower. It's a little slower than a blade but you can watch TV or talk on the phone while you do it. They're pricey at the outself but worth it, IMO. It can take a few weeks for your skin to adjust, though, and to actually feel smooth with an electric. I'm never going back to a blade. When my girls are old enough to shave I'm gonna encourage them to go electric - but that's years away. (I've had no luck with women's electric shavers... the braun men's ones really get close though!)


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## CompostMom (Jun 9, 2008)

We made my daughter wait until this past spring, when she started her period. A big factor as well was people making fun of her calling her Sasqatch etc. I told her to hold her head high, as in character building however it hurt me deeply to do so. I worked on my husband until he relented (she is becoming more and more mature looking and he is really worried about her growing up too fast) and finally we allowed her to shave but not past the tops of her knees. This has worked well and she is content. She was already shaving her under arms at my suggestions-we didn't wait for Dad on this one whoops. I feel like we have to let go a little but we don't want to put her in any situations that require mauture decision making yet. She is 12 not 16. We may be a little harder on her than some but she really has a good head on her shoulders and I like to think that we have contributed to that.


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## christina78 (Apr 8, 2007)

_"but, I would let her do it now if she wants to. It's not expensive, immoral, unhealthy, or dangerous. She can shave if she chooses. She can quit if she chooses, no biggie. "_
I agree with this!!


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Not to long ago our nine yo dd wanted to start shaving. She's don't it the one time so far. I say if she really wants to try it, then there really is no reason not to let her.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RunnerDuck* 
When she's hairy enough to be self conscious about it ... it's time to let her.


I *completely* agree with this! My dd started wanting to shave at the age of 9, so we bought her an electric razor. She doesn't always shave, but she's free to do so when she wants.

compostmom, your post made me sad.


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## AnessasNannyXoX (Apr 15, 2008)

I started shaving my legs at like 11 1/2.

And then my underarms when I actually started getting hair under there which was at 14.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

If she's old enough to be self conscious, let her.

It's funny, I can be so rigid about _so many things,_ (as I'm sure most of you know







) but one thing I will never do to dsd is make her feel uncomfortable about hair on her body, or get what she thinks is an ugly haircut.

I remember my mom forcing haircuts _she chose_ on me and crying about how I looked.

She's been shaving since she was 7, and she was _really_ hairy.

What can I say? Her dad looks like a bear.


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## LauraLoo (Oct 9, 2006)

I agree with the pp's that say go ahead and let her.

I have dark hair, and my mom really resisted letting me shave because she believed the hair would grow in darker and coarser







: She held me off until I was about 10 or 11, and then made me use a Nair product







:







: After about 6 months, I started using my dad's razor and when he figured that one out, he got me my own razor. I was careful and never had a problem.

I need to look into one of those gel razors!


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

I would probably say that I would make an offer to help my dd choose something safe to shave with when she asked, demonstrate, and then put the ball in her court. Sometimes, for my dd, just knowing she can do or have something is enough. I remember trying shaving myself because I was afraid my parents would say no. It was a painful mess. I don't want to do that with dd.


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## mamato3cherubs (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:

If she's old enough to be self conscious, let her.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
I *completely* agree with this! My dd started wanting to shave at the age of 9, .... She doesn't always shave, but she's free to do so when she wants.

compostmom, your post made me sad.









I agree with every word of this. and yes, very sad
no my dd is not 9 yet, so maybe not every word,







but i was once


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I'd let her shave whenever she wants to start. They're her legs, and I'd think it should be up to her.


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## dawningmama (Jan 14, 2003)

Sounds like she's old enough to shave if she wants to. I have gone through periods in my life of shaving everything and shaving nothing. I've talked a little about it with my girls and will discuss is more as they get older. I venture to guess I'm not far from having a shaving lesson with my eldest dd.


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## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CompostMom* 
We made my daughter wait until this past spring, when she started her period. A big factor as well was people making fun of her calling her Sasqatch etc. I told her to hold her head high, as in character building however it hurt me deeply to do so. I worked on my husband until he relented (she is becoming more and more mature looking and he is really worried about her growing up too fast) and finally we allowed her to shave but not past the tops of her knees. This has worked well and she is content. She was already shaving her under arms at my suggestions-we didn't wait for Dad on this one whoops. I feel like we have to let go a little but we don't want to put her in any situations that require mauture decision making yet. She is 12 not 16. We may be a little harder on her than some but she really has a good head on her shoulders and I like to think that we have contributed to that.

























My mom agreed to let me shave whenever I wanted to. I was a gymnast and in leotards a lot. I needed to shave. I can't imagine forcing your 12 year old daughter to endure name-calling and forbiding her to shave to build character.


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## debbieh (Apr 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BedHead* 
In answer to her question, I would tell her that she's old enough to shave if she has hair that needs shaving off. Then let her pick out a razor, show her how, and that's that.









:
With my dds, there wasn't a particular age, just when it seemed to make them self concious. Each child is different, so there really is no "right age".


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## smashlie (Jul 3, 2008)

Thanks for all of the responses! I talked with dd for a little while about this and she told me that her friends are allowed to use Nair, gross! I told her that if she feels like she's ready, then I'm ok with it. Anything to keep her from using that Nair at a friend's house!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

IMO, a child old enough to have body hair, and be concerned about its appearance, is old enough to shave.

I've had talks with my daughters about how I no longer shave and why, gently encouraging them to follow my example but empowering them to make their own choices about their bodies. I'm willing to buy the razors and shaving cream and teach her how to shave safely (though as it turns out, DD1 didn't really need help figuring it out and DD2 has no interest in shaving.)

DD1 didn't want to shave until she was around 11 or 12. I wouldn't have prevented her from shaving at a younger age if she'd wanted to. However, from what you shared in your first post, I'm not entirely sure your 9yo really wants to shave right now, or if she's simply curious about puberty and body changes. Talk to her about how she feels about her body- is she feeling self conscious about body hair in summer clothes? If so, it's time to let her shave. If she's simply curious about when she'll be old enough to "need to shave" then talk to her about body hair growing, different people having different comfort levels, etc.


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## jenners26 (Mar 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nummies* 























My mom agreed to let me shave whenever I wanted to. I was a gymnast and in leotards a lot. I needed to shave. I can't imagine forcing your 12 year old daughter to endure name-calling and forbiding her to shave to build character.

















: I don't understand the "don't grow up too fast" mentality. If she's being called names and being teased about being hairy, clearly, she's already that grown up, and needs to shave.


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## luna-belle (Aug 23, 2007)

My mom's rule was not until I had to shave my underarms.. however, my dad's side is not very hairy and I didn't have to shave my underarms until I was nearly 17 I think and I went to a uniform school so it was kind of mean imo to make me wear a kilt with hairy legs in the summer









Eventually my mom gave in to getting my legs waxed by an esthetician before I ever shaved them so for the first few years, I never shaved! If I would have continued I might not have leg hair today apparently.. just another option to consider.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenners26* 







: I don't understand the "don't grow up too fast" mentality. If she's being called names and being teased about being hairy, clearly, she's already that grown up, and needs to shave.


My mother took the "don't let her grow up too fast approach". As a result i was doing sports age 12 with 34DD breasts unsupported inside my polo shirt. I cannot tell you how painful and humiliating that was. My DD will be old enough to shave when she's old enough to be worried about it.


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## spruce (Dec 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tpott4* 
I let my dd shave her underarms at 11 and her legs at 12.

One of my teens is a swimmer. I didn't get to "let" her...she just started shaving without telling me. It's a swimming thing.







I told her it would have been polite to LMK because she was using DH's razor.









My now-12yo started right after her sister did. We had a big discussion (just us girls







) about whether it's necessary, how the hair on never-shaved legs is so much finer and downier, what a pain it is...

But she shaved anyway. I figure it's their hair, it's their business. I just wish razors weren't so freaking expensive!!!

love, penelope


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## ziggy (Feb 8, 2007)

My mother made me start shaving when I was eleven. I stopped when I was 17.


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## spruce (Dec 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenners26* 







: I don't understand the "don't grow up too fast" mentality. If she's being called names and being teased about being hairy, clearly, she's already that grown up, and needs to shave.

This is where I had issues with shaving...I don't see it as part of "growing up," and certainly I don't want my kids to do what all the other sheeple do *just because*. YK?

So we did a lot of talking about things like shaving legs and underarms, and how it really can help the smells of growing bodies but it isn't for everyone...we talked about people we know who don't shave, and a lot of people we know who do. (Hey, we live in Alaska, and lots of the women we know consciously choose to NOT shave...anything).

I don't ever want my girls to feel like their bodies aren't right without modification. It's all a choice...shaving, piercing, dreads or not, etc.

I also think lots of us look on rituals like shaving legs as a sort of sexually becoming act...for instance, I often only shave when I am planning some private time with my husband.

My daughters, however, want to shave for other reasons, and I had to learn not to put my own thinking on them. They shave because growing bodies are naturally smelly, and they are very aware of that. They shave because they are very sports-oriented, and yeah...because every other girl with hair growth shaves, also.







That's okay, as long as they think it through for themselves.

love, penelope


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CompostMom* 
We made my daughter wait until this past spring, when she started her period. A big factor as well was people making fun of her calling her Sasqatch etc. I told her to hold her head high, as in character building however it hurt me deeply to do so. I worked on my husband until he relented (she is becoming more and more mature looking and he is really worried about her growing up too fast) and finally we allowed her to shave but not past the tops of her knees. This has worked well and she is content. She was already shaving her under arms at my suggestions-we didn't wait for Dad on this one whoops. I feel like we have to let go a little but we don't want to put her in any situations that require mauture decision making yet. She is 12 not 16. We may be a little harder on her than some but she really has a good head on her shoulders and I like to think that we have contributed to that.

My mother had issues with me "growing up too fast". For some reason, she thought that preventing me from shaving my legs, wearing a bra, wearing hose instead of knee socks, etc well past the point that the other girls had started doing so would prevent me from growing up. Guess what? Just as all kids do, I grew up anyway, because that's what kids do. They grow up.

Strangely, she had no problem with my younger sister growing up, and allowed her to do everything at the same time as me, even though she was two years younger.


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

My mother forbade shaving and so I used her razor and did it anyway- I even shaved my arms when really young, like nine, because I was self-conscious and messing around. Eventually I just bought my own razors and did it anyway, but it was ridiculous for her to forbid me. You'd have thought I was doing something filthy. She also had a real problem with the idea of shaving above the knees, a strange boundary that I have never, ever understood.







All this meant was that I did what I wanted and tried not to get caught, until she really couldn't stop me anyway. Then I got into the Dead and stopped shaving for a few years, at which point (late teens early twenties), she thought it was nasty that I *didn't* shave.

I've removed hair or not, and my daughter has been around plenty of women friends who shave or don't, and she didn't want to shave for a long time, and now she shaves- maybe starting around 12, and I don't see how I'd have stopped her, either. I don't monitor her in the shower, and at 13/14 these things have largely become her own business. It doesn't make her less of a fully-developed female not to shave!









Personally, as involved and relaxed a father as my dh is, I don't see even asking for his input on this kind of thing, unless a daughter is, like, 8 or something. A father forbidding a daughter from shaving her legs? Just kind of weird to me, if there's a female role model/guardian around.


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## jenners26 (Mar 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spruce* 
This is where I had issues with shaving...I don't see it as part of "growing up," and certainly I don't want my kids to do what all the other sheeple do *just because*. YK?

So we did a lot of talking about things like shaving legs and underarms, and how it really can help the smells of growing bodies but it isn't for everyone...we talked about people we know who don't shave, and a lot of people we know who do. (Hey, we live in Alaska, and lots of the women we know consciously choose to NOT shave...anything).

I don't ever want my girls to feel like their bodies aren't right without modification. It's all a choice...shaving, piercing, dreads or not, etc.

I also think lots of us look on rituals like shaving legs as a sort of sexually becoming act...for instance, I often only shave when I am planning some private time with my husband.

My daughters, however, want to shave for other reasons, and I had to learn not to put my own thinking on them. They shave because growing bodies are naturally smelly, and they are very aware of that. They shave because they are very sports-oriented, and yeah...because every other girl with hair growth shaves, also.







That's okay, as long as they think it through for themselves.

love, penelope

I understand what you're saying. I guess my issue is in the situation where the DD is being made fun of...If you have a discussion with her, and she understands where you're coming from but still wants to shave, I don't think she should be prevented from doing it.


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spruce* 
This is where I had issues with shaving...I don't see it as part of "growing up," and certainly I don't want my kids to do what all the other sheeple do *just because*. YK?

... That's okay, as long as they think it through for themselves.


But part of growing up is precisely going through phases of needing to do what one's peers are doing- that, in itself, is perfectly normal and healthy, as long as it's only a phase. The level of thinking through for oneself is obviously something to model and encourage, but it's not always reasonable to expect or demand it of preteens and teens.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

I'd think she could start shaving whenever she feels like it?


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## TheGirls (Jan 8, 2007)

I honestly never thought about asking permission to shave. That would've been weird. Kind of like asking permission to use a maxi pad or tampon when my period started. Or deoderant when I was concerned about my odor. I just did it, matter of factly and without fuss. If my DD feels a need to ask, I'd certainly be fine with her doing it.

CompostMom,
would you mind clarifying what situation leg shaving is going to put your daughter in that require mature decision making? I'm confused on that point. I started shaving at about 11, and being called names on the playground would have been way harder than any situation I can imagine shaving putting me in. I mean, I cut myself a few times shaving, but putting on a bandaid isn't beyond most preteens...


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## spruce (Dec 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LizD* 
But part of growing up is precisely going through phases of needing to do what one's peers are doing- that, in itself, is perfectly normal and healthy, as long as it's only a phase. The level of thinking through for oneself is obviously something to model and encourage, but it's not always reasonable to expect or demand it of preteens and teens.

Another part of growing up in a loving family is learning that you DO NOT have to do everything your peers do.










I do hear what you're saying, that part of the experience is being led along by peer pressure...but I want to encourage the other part of the experience...the thinking and doing BY CHOICE, not just because.

I don't disallow things like shaving because "everyone is doing it," or because of age issues ... In fact, my 12 yo began shaving much, much earlier than my now-15yo just because her older sister shaved.

But she brought it up first, we talked about it, and she made a conscious choice about it. It wasn't a "Because every other kid with body hair shaves" thing.

That's all I want to ask of them...that they think and that we can talk before they make big choices.

I wish I'd never shaved my own legs...I almost cried when my 12 yo showed me she had shaved off that baby-fine leg hair. Sigh.

love penelope


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## Tangled Hill (Jun 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenners26* 







: I don't understand the "don't grow up too fast" mentality. If she's being called names and being teased about being hairy, clearly, she's already that grown up, and needs to shave.

That happened to me when I was 13 or so. Kids would walk past me in gym and bark. My mother went ahead and let me shave. I wish she hadn't, though, truthfully. Yeah, kids are cruel, but these girls obviously weren't my friends, and who really cares what people like that think? It was awful that I was being teased, but man, when that hair started growing back all dark and thick, I lost out on having leg hair that was blonde and fine and barely noticeable. I wear mostly long skirts and jeans, so over the past 16 years (I'm 31), I've only shaved about 3/4 of the way up my calves (when I shave at all, now, which happens only a few times a year), and there's this line between the dark, thick, coarse hair on the lower calf and the light, fine, wispy hair on the upper calf. I know not everyone's hair turns dark after shaving, but mine sure did.

I guess I would be okay with a daughter shaving (I only have a son) if she really wanted to and understood the possible consequences. And I certainly would tell her why I wish I hadn't ever started. But it would obviously be her decision since it's her body.


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## aurora_skys (Apr 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tangled Hill* 
It was awful that I was being teased, but man, when that hair started growing back all dark and thick, I lost out on having leg hair that was blonde and fine and barely noticeable.

..shaving is incapable of altering the hair follicles in such a way that would cause a change in color or texture. All shaving does is snip off hair close to the skin. Sorry, but that dark hair wouldve come anyways, shaving just causes pubescent girls to notice it more because we went from being temporarily hairless to having hair grow back in. The hair on my legs is coarser and darker starting around the knees and down and is fine and blonde up from there. It doesnt matter if young women shave or not, their hormones are going to cause the hair to change until they reach maturity.

As far as "allowing" girls to shave, just show her how and give her a daisy bick. If she wants to experiment, she will, and may forget about it until later in life. I never asked my parents, I just did it. (I also never told my mom about my periods until two years after the fact because she made me feel self conscious about them, going on and on about how "you'll change, you'll see.. you wont be so nice, blah blah blah" so i just smiled and kept it my secret.)

I will encourage my girls to use electric clippers to save them from the horrors of ingrown hairs (common problem in my family, made worse by shaving :/).

compostmom, that post was just plain depressing. Throughout my teen years I had a sever underbite. I was teased mercilessly and humilliated. Finally when I was old enough that my skeleton had finished developing, I had the problem surgically corrected. Had my parents forbiddon this, especially on the bs grounds of "developing character" I would have killed myself. Teasing isnt something any of us should willingly subject our kids to, its just too cruel.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenners26* 







: I don't understand the "don't grow up too fast" mentality. If she's being called names and being teased about being hairy, clearly, she's already that grown up, and needs to shave.

I'm on the fence about this one.

I think dsd is growing up too fast in many ways, but I don't see the shaving as an issue.

If you don't like the hair, you can shave it, absolutely. But if you think you're gonna go on dates at 10, nooooooooo!









And yes, it is that weird at my house.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I started shaving with out permission at 11 because the hair on my legs HURT- seriously and it still does if it's too long. Pulls and yanks on my legs- yuck! I shaved my pits too because they were SO flippin itchy and I got major heat rash. Once I shaved- it all stopped.

I know most mom's see this as loosing your baby- but I didn't see it like that when I was a kid. I thought "It's a comfort issue- not a teenager thing" and when my mom found out she was pissed - it had been 6months. I told her it was about me being comfortable- not her wanting me to be a baby. She didn't agree, but I didn't care.

My girls will shave when they "need or want" to. DH thinks I'm setting myself up for trouble with this- but he's got a sweater of hair! He has no room to talk about hair. Just my story, and my plan with my girls.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

What on earth is the "growing up too fast" and "only below the knee" and "maturity" theme here all about? I'm so confused.

If dd wants to shave, she can shave (she's not at a point of wanting to yet, being only 5). If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. I'll probably caution her about shaving above the knee, because the skin on my thighs went a bit weird when I experimentally shaved them at about 14, but she can certainly go above the knee if she wants to.

I guess I'm just not getting the issue. I don't think it's up to me whether someone else - my child or otherwise - shaves. I don't tell dh whether he should or shouldn't wear a beard, either. DS1 recently shaved off the mustache that's been becoming gradually more noticeable for the last two years - his choice, and he didn't even mention it to me until he was done. I don't care if he keeps it shaved, or grows it back. I just don't get this.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

I wanted to share my story-

I am very hairy. At 9 I had pubic hair and I had a lot of underarm hair and leg hair and everyone made fun of me and I was just miserable. So my 15 year old cousin took me into the bathroom and taught me how to shave- she didn't ask for permission or anything. She knew what I was going through and so she took it upon herself to do something about it (in her defense I don't have the best and most "there" mother in the world). Best thing that ever could have happened to me.

I think it very much depends on the situation. Why does DD really want to do this? Does she fully understand what it means? Do you feel she is responsible enough? Do you trust her with a sharp object against her skin?

To me this wasn't about "growing up" but rather dealing what I perceived to be a problem and still feel is a nuisance (seriously. I hate my excessive leg and arm hair. It makes me physically uncomfortable.)

The great thing about body hair is that it grows back!


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## Labbemama (May 23, 2008)

My 9.5 y.o dd also asked me to shave her legs. I was shocked but she has an older sister and me that shave. I forget how old my older dd was when she started. She's not really that hairy, mainly I worry how to teach her so she won't cut herself. Any tips on teaching someone to shave their leg. Or ways to practice with a razor or anyone know of a good safety razor?


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

I was allowed to shave when I started highschool. I was about 12 years old. If she has super dark hairy legs, then maybe a bit earlier.


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## mom2ponygirl (Jun 6, 2006)

My nearly 10 yr old mentioned her leg hair was dark (it is not really) when we were dealing with her eyebrows. She came to me and said her unibrow was bothering her and so I helped her wax it. She has beautiful brows just needed the very center done. She also has a few darker hairs on the outer corners of her upper lip. I am a blond and haven't dealt with facial hair issues - what's the best way to deal with this? I've heard bleaching, but my dd is not thrilled with that idea. She was fine with waxing her brow, but not interested in doing that above her lip, and I don't blame her! I've seen facial cream hair removers, are they a good idea or not?
Thanks for any advice!

She doesn't seem ready to shave her legs yet and I'm hoping she will wait awhile. If she gets to where it is really bothering her - like her brows did, then I'll teach her.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
I *completely* agree with this! My dd started wanting to shave at the age of 9, so we bought her an electric razor. She doesn't always shave, but she's free to do so when she wants.

compostmom, your post made me sad.










ITA

I was made to wait until I was 13yo, and I was hairy. Plus, I was a gymnast, and I only wore a leatard without tights or shorts. I was sooooo self-conscious. We always swore we would let the girls shave as soon as they said it bothered them.

DSD came to us this year at age 9 and said it was really bothering her. I immediately went out and bought her an electric razor. We have made it a priority to teach the girls to do what is right for them with regards to their bodies. We firmly believe that helps build good self awareness and love.


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## thisiswhatwedo (Mar 10, 2008)

I think it is weird that we are discussing shaving for pre teens. First, growing up my french neighbors mom warned her that more shaving means darker thicker hair, so avoid it as long as possible. I realize I have the minority opinion here but I was surprised to hear that this is such an issue, I guess given media pressure for younger and younger girls to be sexy. I mean I get that isn't your objective here but I see shaving as something women do to be sexier, more appealing to men. So I wanted to say that I see that you are being concerned with your daughters feeling good about themselves, but am concerned on a societal level that we are normalizing something that use to be something for adults. Please don't take it wrong but that is how I feel.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thisiswhatwedo* 
I think it is weird that we are discussing shaving for pre teens. First, growing up my french neighbors mom warned her that more shaving means darker thicker hair, so avoid it as long as possible. I realize I have the minority opinion here but I was surprised to hear that this is such an issue, I guess given media pressure for younger and younger girls to be sexy. I mean I get that isn't your objective here but I see shaving as something women do to be sexier, more appealing to men. So I wanted to say that I see that you are being concerned with your daughters feeling good about themselves, but am concerned on a societal level that we are normalizing something that use to be something for adults. Please don't take it wrong but that is how I feel.

I don't necessarily agree with this. I was the same age as DSD when I started to feel very self-conscious about my body hair. Media was different then, but I still was very embarrassed. I don't think it really has a whole lot to do with the opposite sex and appealing to them at that age. I wasn't really into boys then, and DSD really isn't at her age either. I think it has more to do with feeling comfortable in your own skin. JMHO For me, the pubic region became more of the concentration as an older teen with regards to appealing to the opposite sex.


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## thisiswhatwedo (Mar 10, 2008)

well I have to say I don't really shave that often, definitely not in winter, and I grew up with the idea that shaving was for women and my school/friend/home culture it seemed that it was definitely something you didn't see happening until senior high and you also saw lots of girls who were not shaving.


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## lizzybugsmommy (Jul 9, 2008)

I remember in 9th grade there was a girl whoses parents would not let her shave until she was 15. This poor girl was dark hair and very hairy. I felt so sorry for her. She also was made to wear skirts all the time and most of the time they were just below her knees. She was so embarrased. I remember the day after her 15th birthday when she got to shave. She was the happiest girl and more open to new friends. I personally shaved my legs aroung 13. Then I had light hair and I shaved my underarms around 11. I just had a few hairs to deal with then so I just plucked them. My Mom never knew or never said anything.
Catherine


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## KMK_Mama (Jan 29, 2006)

I started shaving in 3rd grade so I guess I was around 8 or 9.

I'll let my DD's shave when they feel the need.


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## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smashlie* 
Thanks for all of the responses! I talked with dd for a little while about this and she told me that her friends are allowed to use Nair, gross! I told her that if she feels like she's ready, then I'm ok with it. Anything to keep her from using that Nair at a friend's house!

LOL! I agree. I hate those chemical depilatory products, yuck!

I also wish you'd been my mother. She's one of the ones that thinks shaving is a "growing-up" thing and wouldn't let me shave till I got my period (age 12, almost 13.) Well, I'd skipped 2 grades so when I was 9 not only were my age-peers shaving but my grade-peers had been for years. I was relentlessly teased


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## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thisiswhatwedo* 
I think it is weird that we are discussing shaving for pre teens. First, growing up my french neighbors mom warned her that more shaving means darker thicker hair, so avoid it as long as possible. I realize I have the minority opinion here but I was surprised to hear that this is such an issue, I guess given media pressure for younger and younger girls to be sexy. I mean I get that isn't your objective here but I see shaving as something women do to be sexier, more appealing to men. So I wanted to say that I see that you are being concerned with your daughters feeling good about themselves, but am concerned on a societal level that we are normalizing something that use to be something for adults. Please don't take it wrong but that is how I feel.

I am 42 so was a preteen quite a while ago. I started shaving at about 11, between 5th and 6th grades. Not much older than OP's DD and other girls here.

And just for the heck of it, I looked up shaving on Snopes.com and they say that hair does not grow back darker and coarser after shaving. http://www.snopes.com/oldwives/hairgrow.asp

My DD is 10 now and hasn't mentioned shaving but she has very light hair and also just isn't too into her appearance yet. I am looking forward to the day when she will actually comb her hair without having to be reminded about it!

And for the person who wrote that her mom wouldn't let her wear a bra even though she was a 34DD because of her age...OUCH! That must have been awful.


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## RunnerDuck (Sep 12, 2003)

I guess I can see how shaving of legs can be seen as young girls making themselves sexy ... but it's also a "dealing with bodily changes" issue at the same time. It's not quite like letting a young girl wear heels or those awful pants with the words on the bum - it's dealing with a bodily change in a way society views as correct. Regardless of how you feel about shaving, most of American society (and most posters seem to be American) view leg hair on women as undesirable. So just as we deal with jiggly boobs (bras) and underarm odor (deodorant) and they crop up, the increase in leg hair growth must be dealt with as well. Not dealing with it is liable to result in ridicule from peers and regardless of the lessons taught at home this ridicule is going to hurt.

If a teenage boy were developing facial hair, there'd be no questions about letting him shave. He'd start to shave when there was hair there, not when he reached a certain age or when his peers were doing it.


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## Carolinamidwife (Dec 18, 2001)

I will aid my dd in hair removal at the point in which she expresses discomfort with her level of hairiness. If she never mentions it, I'll never mention it. She just so happens to already be displaying signs of future fuzziness (I'm fairly hairy, Italian with black leg hair), thick eyebrows, a teeny mustache. I will encourage her to wax rather than shave whenever she's ready.

I'm not sure I feel like 9 is old enough to handle a razor on their own but if the hair is bothering her I would help her find a way to feel better about it whether it's through removal or overcoming caring about it.

Also, it's a myth that shaving makes hair grow back thicker.


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## JenniferH (Feb 24, 2005)

My DD is hairy like me, and I was worried about her cutting herself, but I understand her point of view. I got her an electric razor, and she shaves when she feels like she needs to without worry about cuts and scars.


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## serenetabbie (Jan 13, 2002)

Thank you aurora_skys for the great post! I was hoping someone would point out that often misunderstood fact about hair growth







.

I agree with everyone who says that when the child is ready, they are ready. Chronological age is not really a factor IMO.

I was also teased terribly when I was young (although not for body hair), and I would let my child male or female shave/wax/pluck their body hair if they asked. I can see already that my DD will more than likely have DH's families... um... well endowed eyebrows. I would let her get them waxed in a heartbeat to prevent her the pain of being picked on for something so trivial and easily taken care of. Same for DS. If he develops facial hair early and is bothered by it, I will let him shave.

I hope they would feel comfortable enough to ask me instead of just going ahead. I did ask my parents, but they told me I had to wait until I was 16. I went ahead anyway, cut myself badly and still have a scar.


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## Pinkdiva (Aug 25, 2006)

Okay, let me first say that my daughter is hairy just like momma, so I take pity on her. We use veet for her underarms and arms(reminder to me to do this tonight for her). She's happy with it and we don't have to deal with a razor quite yet.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

I was one of those kids whose parents wouldn't let me shave until 7th grade. Oh my gosh, I got made fun of soo much even though my leg hairs are blonde and fine, people could still see them. I had underarm hair too and got sick of it so one day i just shaved them off and my mom never knew. i think you should let your kids decide for themselves on this one, it is THEIR legs and it hurts so bad to be made fun of for something so fixable.
it was never about "trying to be sexy". I was in middle school for pete's sakes. It's deffinatly about being comfortable in your own skin.

Oh..And my hair still grows in blonde and fine.


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## kelceyreecemama (May 19, 2004)

My dd just turned 9 and has been shaving (legs only, below the knee) for a couple of months now. She came to me when the kids started making fun of her at school. She has really blond hair, so I'm not so sure they were making fun of her but she obviously was wanting to shave. It hasn't been a big deal. She wanted to try it on her own first and she's been doing just fine. Sometimes she shaves, sometimes she doesn't, but she feels good about it because SHE has the power to choose when it happens and when it doesn't.
Good Luck! I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

newlywed to dh (1.5 mos now!!














, mom to dd 9yrs, ds 6yrs


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LizD* 
My mother forbade shaving and so I used her razor and did it anyway- I even shaved my arms when really young, like nine, because I was self-conscious and messing around. Eventually I just bought my own razors and did it anyway, but it was ridiculous for her to forbid me. You'd have thought I was doing something filthy. She also had a real problem with the idea of shaving above the knees, a strange boundary that I have never, ever understood.







All this meant was that I did what I wanted and tried not to get caught, until she really couldn't stop me anyway.
.

What is with this knee boundry? My mom was the same way! In 8th grade all the other girls were shaving and I wanted to. I was hairy!! My mom wouldn't let me. So like anyone else who's mom won't let them, I used my dad's razor









I'll let dd shave when she asks, if she asks. I'm a little concerned about her hairy back, but we'll deal with that when the time comes.

I don't think standing out and being the kid that isn't like everyone else is always a character builder. It can really hurt. I remember when everyone else got training bras and my mom wouldn't buy one I was teased mercilessly. We wore uniform shirts and you could totally see through them so even though I was flat chested, you could still see through. Ugh. It was awful.


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## senke (Apr 30, 2006)

Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

It makes me sad that social pressure is a big impetus for girls shaving. The idea of "If she's getting teased for being hairy, then she needs to shave" doesn't strike me as that different from "If she's getting teased for not having designer clothes, then she needs to have them."

I don't know how we'll handle this with our daughter (she's only two, so we have time). My guess is that we'll let her shave when she wants to, but that we'll also make it clear that she doesn't HAVE to shave. I have horrible memories of being forced to pluck my eyebrows when I was a teen--I figure if I was able to navigate my social world with a unibrow, then I should have been permitted to do so!


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## thisiswhatwedo (Mar 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *senke* 
Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

It makes me sad that social pressure is a big impetus for girls shaving. The idea of "If she's getting teased for being hairy, then she needs to shave" doesn't strike me as that different from "If she's getting teased for not having designer clothes, then she needs to have them."

I don't know how we'll handle this with our daughter (she's only two, so we have time). My guess is that we'll let her shave when she wants to, but that we'll also make it clear that she doesn't HAVE to shave. I have horrible memories of being forced to pluck my eyebrows when I was a teen--I figure if I was able to navigate my social world with a unibrow, then I should have been permitted to do so!









I kinda had to walk away from this conversation feeling sad. I just feel sad that for women and now girls shaving is mandatory. I remember going to see the movie Titanic when it came out (10 years ago?) and when the male character in the film shows a drawing of a woman with arm pit hair the audience , adults, did this out loud "eewww!" reaction. Folks it grows there,and I don't hear people yelling yukky over men's body hair, yet.
My kids go to a democratic free school and there are plenty of unshaven teens girls and boys there.
I guess I see it as a feminist and individual issue.
however I admit I do think shaven legs look slightly nicer but,
choice is what is important.....


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## maman_a_deux (Apr 11, 2005)

This was a great thread as my daughter just asked me today when she could start shaving! She is only nine, so I put her question off by telling her "not until she's twelve". But after reading the other posts, I went back and asked her why she had asked. Turns out her leg hair was itching her (it is really long and noticable since she was quite young). So I changed my mind and showed her how to use my old electric razor (she can use a blade when she's older). She's happy and we had a good moment of communication. Sniff







growing up so fast...


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aurora_skys* 
..shaving is incapable of altering the hair follicles in such a way that would cause a change in color or texture. All shaving does is snip off hair close to the skin. Sorry, but that dark hair wouldve come anyways, shaving just causes pubescent girls to notice it more because we went from being temporarily hairless to having hair grow back in. The hair on my legs is coarser and darker starting around the knees and down and is fine and blonde up from there. It doesnt matter if young women shave or not, their hormones are going to cause the hair to change until they reach maturity.

Thank you for pointing that out. Hair grows from the inside, and the ends are already dead. Cutting the ends does nothing to change what's growing out. The hair color/texture will change when and if its going to, whether or not you shave. I started shaving at 13, and my hair remained soft and downy through two years of shaving. I quit at 15 (I was into the cave-girl thing) and it remained soft and downy for another two years. Then it got thick and dark at 17, even though I had not shaved since 15.

Jen


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## onlyAngil (Jan 17, 2008)

I see this as rather simple... it is not a thing of how old, but rather when she personally is ready. Is her underarms hairy, dose she her legs bother her? THEN LET HER SHAVE! or remove the hair another way. I know a few moms and daughters who go and get their legs/ underarms waxed together. They find it as a nice time to talk and bond. I would talk to her about what the different choices she has waxing, blades, creams gels, ext. Tell her why you do or do not shave. I mean really it is her body. If she is old enough to be asking about it, then teach her. My mum freaks that I like to save, I think I started around 13 or so. It had nothing to do with how old I was, rather just that I did not like the hair.


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## Daniel's Kitty (Nov 18, 2006)

My mom started when she was 15 so she tried to make me wait too. I hated it since I have dark hair and finally got her to agree when I was 12. It wasn't s much that it bothered other people, I hated it.


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## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

I got hairy early (around 8) and I was already the weird kid the one with germs to pass on etc. so I never noticed until I grew hair under my arms - 5th grade.
I switched schools then for awhile and started experimenting with shaving that summer. Then I joined a competitive swim team where we all only shaved the morning of meets and there were enough other kids around who did this as well so it was no biggie. I switched back to my original school in my Junior year and one boy was all lovey on me (I was dating someone else) and he said he was always afraid of me when we were younger because I was so hairy. hmmm. I have _always_ had trouble with shaving, remover products, waxing etc. so at about 19 I just quit, dresses or not. I do occasionally shave for a summer wedding or something, but a lot of my get togethers are with birthy crunchy folks & half of them don't shave either.

I'm hoping my daughter will feel more comfortable with herself from my example and make her own choice. If she decides to I will make sure I help her & teach her about knees & stuff to avoid pain as much as I can


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## redeyedvireo (Oct 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *senke* 
Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

I was home educated, and shaved my legs and armpits - because my mom did, and everyone I knew did, and I thought it was just the thing to do. I stopped shaving my armpits during high school, when I quit using anti-perspirant and switched to mineral deodorant for health reasons. Then, during my first week at college, I met girls who didn't shave their legs, and who talked about why they didn't (feminism and comfort, mostly), and I thought - Hey, I can stop, too! I've never done it since. Funny that I never questioned shaving my legs, since I didn't do all sorts of things that "everyone" around me did. Guess you just can't question everything about your culture at once.


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## loralieva (Oct 13, 2006)

This is a really interesting discussion. Not quite sure how I ended up reading it, but it's made me think! I have older boys - almost 10 and 12. The 12 year old is dark and seriously hairy - he nearly has a mustache. The 10 yo is blond like me. Furry, but it's blond fur. And then there's my daughter, just 2. She is like a furball. She has hair on her shoulders and back like you wouldn't believe...I'm hoping THAT at least will fall out!

I come from a "don't ask don't tell" type of family. We never discussed anything at all...I just did what I wanted. My parents never even commented that I had started shaving, wearing makeup, etc. As my friend and I say, we are still "waiting for the birds and bees talk". We're 42!

Anyway, I foresee loads of waxing and shaving in the future for my daughter. As soon as she is bothered, we'll be getting her an electric razor. Seems safer. And we'll wax whatever needs waxing. If it bothers her - if it doesn't, fine!


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## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loralieva* 
And then there's my daughter, just 2. She is like a furball. She has hair on her shoulders and back like you wouldn't believe...I'm hoping THAT at least will fall out!

Anyway, I foresee loads of waxing and shaving in the future for my daughter. As soon as she is bothered, we'll be getting her an electric razor. Seems safer. And we'll wax whatever needs waxing. If it bothers her - if it doesn't, fine!

My daughter was a furball too until she was... well, I never really noticed, it just gradually went away. She's 8.5 now and isn't furry at all


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nummies* 























My mom agreed to let me shave whenever I wanted to. I was a gymnast and in leotards a lot. I needed to shave. I can't imagine forcing your 12 year old daughter to endure name-calling and forbiding her to shave to build character.

















:


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RunnerDuck* 

If a teenage boy were developing facial hair, there'd be no questions about letting him shave. He'd start to shave when there was hair there, not when he reached a certain age or when his peers were doing it.

This is what always baffles me about the female-shaving issue. When women shave, according to more hardcore feminists, we're just deferring to men and being oppressed tools of the patriachy and need to accept that women's underarms, legs etc are naturally hairy. But when men shave, it's no big deal.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

I think the issue for some women is that they don't shave themselves so seeing their daughters doing it is difficult. I know for my Mom she doesn't shave her legs & she really disagreed with my desire to do so.

Some people really do feel that the shaving that women do is more for sexual attraction then for hygiene or grooming.


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
I think the issue for some women is that they don't shave themselves so seeing their daughters doing it is difficult. I know for my Mom she doesn't shave her legs & she really disagreed with my desire to do so.

Some people really do feel that the shaving that women do is more for sexual attraction then for hygiene or grooming.

It's true that hygiene doesn't really play a part, but then, there's no reason men have to be completely clean shaven for hygiene purposes either.

I've even heard some feminists say that leg-shaving is a way of "infantalizing" women and keeping them like children because our society is a youth obsessed culture. The EXACT SAME ARGUMENT could be made for male-shaving. Yet that isn't controversial at all. Men don't see having to shave their faces (and some jobs actually require it, I don't know any job that requires a woman to shave her legs) as being "kept down". I don't understand the double standard, really.


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## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RunnerDuck* 
If a teenage boy were developing facial hair, there'd be no questions about letting him shave. He'd start to shave when there was hair there, not when he reached a certain age or when his peers were doing it.

Not necessarily. My first boyfriend's mom wouldn't let him shave until he was out of high school because she didn't think he "needed it". He wasn't super hairy, but he did have a noticeable light mustache.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Are her hairs really noticeable? I'd go by that. I had a friend once with a DD that had black hair and her leg hair was totally black by the time she was like 8 years old and for several more years she had to live that way before her mother allowed her to shave.







I felt sorry for her. She was very thin too so the hairs showed even more with less skin stretching them out. So I'd take in to consideration how visible the hairs are. If they aren't visible then wait a while longer.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ziggy* 
My mother made me start shaving when I was eleven. I stopped when I was 17.

That's at least as bad as not letting someone shave, IMO









What kind of message does that get across? "Your natural body is gross, go shave so you're not gross!"







:


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## thisiswhatwedo (Mar 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *macca* 
This is what always baffles me about the female-shaving issue. When women shave, according to more hardcore feminists, we're just deferring to men and being oppressed tools of the patriachy and need to accept that women's underarms, legs etc are naturally hairy. But when men shave, it's no big deal.

well I think the issue is that for men body hair is natural and shaving your face is a choice of style, for women it is either be pretty and conform by shaving all your body hair (which is now starting to include pubic hair) or be an ugly ****. Somehow our natural body hair is unnatural now and there is a cultural repulsion attached to womens hair. I mean I was in the pool recently next to a very hairy man, full back hair etc,... and people were gawking at my armpit hair. If you pay attention to media there is considerable talk about no hair-Brazilian waxes but you don't hear men on talk shows discussing how to get rid of all their unsightly body hair, it is, you must admit a totally different standard. So if I extrapolate what that might mean to our daughters, it might mean they feel yet more pressure to be barbie perfect. I'm not arguing whether your daughter should shave, she should do what makes her feel better about herself, it is the lack of acceptance in our culture of a variety of female images as acceptable that I am getting at. I think I've argued this point enough so I will end by saying my daughter is too young to even know about shaving and I have no idea when or if or why we will start this conversation. I will say I am overwhelmed with the media messages she has to deal with regarding her body and I think all of us moms can agree that we are trying our best to help our daughters have the best and most positive self body image they can.


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## ZenMamaGrace (Aug 6, 2008)

my mother refused to let me shave my legs as a teenager. i was angry at the time, but now i'm 24 and have very fine light blond hair on my legs that is almost invisible. my little sister started shaving at 11, and at 15 has enlarged hair folicles and corser hair on her legs. i'm glad my mother was firm about not letting me cave to peer pressure. My daughter is only 2 years old, but I hope she is growing up to love herself and will not feel the need to conform to an absurd standard of "beauty".

have a talk with your daughter, find out the reasons she wants to start shaving. if she is really hairy, and very self consious about it, waxing might be a better way to go as it lasts much longer.


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## Mom&BabyChiro (Aug 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Teensy* 

I would buy one of the razors with the shaving gel built in - much easier to use.


Something to consider with the razors with built in shaving cream (and the majority of other shaving creams on the market) is that they contain toxic ingredients. Not only is the product being applied to a large portion of exposed skin where the toxins can be quickly absorbed (even when washed off relatively quickly), but the shaving process can cause micro-cuts and abrasions on the skin's surface - increasing the absorption of these toxins into one's system.

Please consider the potential effects on your daughters' health and instead purchase a natural shave gel or lotion which you can find online if not available at a local store in your area. I know it might not be quite as convenient (or inexpensive), but definitely worth the small extra effort!


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## mommabear207 (Nov 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BedHead* 
In answer to her question, I would tell her that she's old enough to shave if she has hair that needs shaving off. Then let her pick out a razor, show her how, and that's that.

ditto


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## erinsmom1996 (Apr 9, 2006)

My daughter just recently started shaving her legs and she'll be 12 next month. She doesn't every day or even every week, just when she thinks of it I guess. I just got her a razor when she asked and told her that if it was important to her I would support her and help her if she needed it. To me it was about her being comfortable.


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## TheGirls (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ZenMamaGrace* 
my mother refused to let me shave my legs as a teenager. i was angry at the time, but now i'm 24 and have very fine light blond hair on my legs that is almost invisible. my little sister started shaving at 11, and at 15 has enlarged hair folicles and corser hair on her legs.

That is an interesting story, but it is simply incorrect to imply that shaving causes coarser hair. If you trim the hair on your head with scissors, it doesn't get coarser or darker. Same thing if you cut the hair on your legs with a razor blade.


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## Doula Dani (Jan 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smashlie* 
My 9.5year old is asking how old she needs to be to start shaving her legs. I've been dreading this! What do you guys think a good age is for this?

I didn't read every response, but I think if *she* wants to shave, I'd let her. My mother wouldn't let me shave (I felt my legs were too hairy for a dress around 8 or 9) and I was very self conscious about it and it made me pissy at my mom. I used to do it behind her back and I think I accidentally cut myself really badly one time, but if she'd have agreed and shown me how to do it that probably wouldn't have been an issue.

Good luck with this!


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

At whatever point she is self-conscious about hair and able to be careful with a razor, I would help her learn to do it safely.

I grow very thick, dark hair on my legs and am very fair-skinned. I remember being terribly embarrassed by it. My mom never helped me learn. I learned at summer camp from a friend, the summer before 6th grade, after at least two summers of being very embarrassed by my leg hair. And then I felt embarrassed about having my mom notice that I was shaving. I would have appreciated it so much if she had helped me with it as soon as I was old enough to be bothered by the hair.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smashlie* 
My 9.5year old is asking how old she needs to be to start shaving her legs. I've been dreading this! What do you guys think a good age is for this?


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## WaitingForKiddos (Nov 30, 2006)

I was being homescholled around the time I started shaving my legs...10-12 years old. I wasn't really hairy, I had zero pubes or pit hair. I remember thinking that the homeschool group's oldest girl (pastor's daughter no less!) was super grown up ( being a big 2 years older than me) so I asked Mom if I could shave and she said yes.

I hate the controling attitude of telling someone that is no longer a little kid that they must endure teasing, feeling hairy, etc because I'm not ready for them to 'grow up'


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## Codililly (Oct 17, 2006)

Absolutely, this seems to be the majority consencus but there is no reason to have her feel self concious and negative about herself. i would definitely go with the answer before the razor though. I lived with my dad and had no support on the issue myself it was very embarassing and difficult to deal with.


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## monkeys4mama (Apr 25, 2006)

Here's a different take on this...

My dd is 11 and doesn't really need to shave her legs (imo) but she will be starting middle school in the fall and is going to be skipping the sixth grade and going directly into the seventh grade. She's very concerned about fitting in and looking right when she starts middle school. I think the grade skip makes it even more important to her. I've never seen her worry about styles or brand names until now. Suddenly all these matters have become important to her.

But I digress...

I've been wondering if I should suggest to dd that she may shave her legs if she wishes and offer to show her how. I was just waiting for her to ask, but now that she's going to the 7th grade, I'm thinking maybe those girls are all shaving already and perhaps she hasn't thought about this. She has been shaving under her arms for over a year (just has a small amount of hair) but she's not very consistent about that. I notice that she often goes weeks between. Doesn't bother me any, so I never said anything to her. But I'm thinking perhaps I ought to since middle-schoolers might notice that and react negatively. I don't want to press additional body-image concerns on her if she doesn't have them now. But otoh, I'd hate to have her go off to school and be the victim of some rude comment or someone's attitude. It might really ding her self-esteem.

Opinions?


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## 106657 (Apr 9, 2008)

I let my dd's shave at 10 yrs old. Not because of an age limit, but because they were having a hard time with how hairy they were and being the only ones who didn't shave. I think it depends on their bodies and how they feel about themselves. I would let her shave..


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom&BabyChiro* 
Something to consider with the razors with built in shaving cream (and the majority of other shaving creams on the market) is that they contain toxic ingredients. Not only is the product being applied to a large portion of exposed skin where the toxins can be quickly absorbed (even when washed off relatively quickly), but the shaving process can cause micro-cuts and abrasions on the skin's surface - increasing the absorption of these toxins into one's system.

Please consider the potential effects on your daughters' health and instead purchase a natural shave gel or lotion which you can find online if not available at a local store in your area. I know it might not be quite as convenient (or inexpensive), but definitely worth the small extra effort!

Yeah! The 'Kiss My Face' brand shave cream is really nice, and natural and smells yummmmmmmmm!


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I guess I am the only one that hopes my dd doesn't want to shave. I mean really it's such an asinine practice yet I am conditioned and don't think my legs look good unshaved (even so I rarely shave).







We do talk about how women shaving is just societal and hair is natural ect.

That said my dd can shave when she wants too. She's 11 and so far shows no interest.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

It's her body--I don't shave at all, but if my kid wanted to, I'd have no problem with it.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I don't get the "don't let them grow up too fast" thinking. If they have leg or underarm hair, and they don't like it, and they are able to safely shave it off, why not let them? Just b/c WE are not ready for them to grow up does not mean they won't grow up. I wouldn't want my dd to be uncomfortable or endure people picking on her due to my hang-ups about her getting older. I will get her a razer and show her how to use it. Puberty happens. Its part of life. Just b/c we don't want it to start yet does not make it wait for us to be ready. If they grow breasts, and want a Bra, I don't care if they are 8 or 18, I will get them a bra. Even with no breasts at 8, if they want a bra, they will get a bra. I am here to guide them through the different life phases and help them through it, not to try and keep them little kids forever.

Personally, I think there are bigger fish to fry in parenting than removing body hair. If you try to control everything, you will end up with a lot of control problems and rebellion. I am not going to fight hair cuts, perms, any hair coloring that is allowed by the school, clothing that is allowed by the school, jewelry allowed by the school, make-up that is not WAY beyond excessive, music, etc. If I fight all of those little things, how am I going to have any say in the big things? It seems like all we would be doing is fighting through the pre-teen and teen years. I don't want that.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkeys4mama* 

I've been wondering if I should suggest to dd that she may shave her legs if she wishes and offer to show her how. I was just waiting for her to ask, but now that she's going to the 7th grade, I'm thinking maybe those girls are all shaving already and perhaps she hasn't thought about this. She has been shaving under her arms for over a year (just has a small amount of hair) but she's not very consistent about that. I notice that she often goes weeks between. Doesn't bother me any, so I never said anything to her. But I'm thinking perhaps I ought to since middle-schoolers might notice that and react negatively. I don't want to press additional body-image concerns on her if she doesn't have them now. But otoh, I'd hate to have her go off to school and be the victim of some rude comment or someone's attitude. It might really ding her self-esteem.

Opinions?

I would just throw it out there to her that if she wants to shave her legs, you are willing to show her. Let her know that it is completely up to her and to just let you know whenever she feels she is ready. She may be ready now, or she may not be ready at all. She could start 7th grade and notice everyone shaves prompting her to want to do it. Just leave it up to her, but let her know you are ready to show her when she is. That is what we have always said to DSD (10yo), and she asked this past year.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ma_vie_en_rose* 
I would just throw it out there to her that if she wants to shave her legs, you are willing to show her. Let her know that it is completely up to her and to just let you know whenever she feels she is ready. She may be ready now, or she may not be ready at all. She could start 7th grade and notice everyone shaves prompting her to want to do it. Just leave it up to her, but let her know you are ready to show her when she is. That is what we have always said to DSD (10yo), and she asked this past year.

I'd also encourage you to support her if she chooses NOT to shave. That was the biggest struggle for me, dealing with my mom's whatever once I quit shaving. It was NOT FUN.







:


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## onlyAngil (Jan 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LavenderMae* 
I guess I am the only one that hopes my dd doesn't want to shave. I mean really it's such an asinine practice yet I am conditioned and don't think my legs look good unshaved (even so I rarely shave).







We do talk about how women shaving is just societal and hair is natural ect.

That said my dd can shave when she wants too. She's 11 and so far shows no interest.

Do not get me wrong, my dd is only 4mo, but I feel very much as you do. When it is I wrote, it was more to the main post.


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## smashlie (Jul 3, 2008)

Well, I did let her. She was very proud. I showed her how to do it for her first couple of times and now she feels comfortable on her own. She was never hairy and wasn't picked on, but she's been very interested in her body. She's been brushing her hair more without prompting and has been spending a LOT of time picking out her clothes. She also puts on lip gloss. I'm not going to make an issue out of it. We remind her that she doesn't need these things to be beautiful. I think she's just experimenting and getting to know her body. I'm trying not to let it bother me.


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## sunshine's mama (Mar 3, 2007)

i started shaving when i was 12 bc my older cousin was 15 and shaved and i thought she was the coolest...







i also did it bc we are italian/greek and have very dark hair and it embarassed me alot bc all my friends didn't.

i used ivory soap.....lathered up really well and shaved.

i went through periods in college when i didn't and still go through periods...

but i always use ivory soap. it works for me.

i would talk with her and find out why. and maybe let her. she may decide it's a big ol pain in the buttkas and not want to do it for awhile.


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## MtnLivinMama (May 21, 2008)

I would wait, or just tell her noncahalantly that some of the other girls may be shaving their legs, since they might have more or darker hair already, and offer to show her how if she wants to learn. But I would tread carefully here - I remember my mother "suggesting" that I should shave because I was so hairy. I was not at all self-conscious; I knew I had hairy legs and armpits, but I was pretty comfortable with that. Once my mother suggested that maybe I should embarassed, I did start shaving, but I hated it, and I hated the implicit suggestion that I was "imperfect" or even "ugly" with body hair, and I hated the fact that I was more "developed" than some of my peers. This is an interesting thread - my dd is on the hairy side, too, and I hope she might be spared some of my discomfort about it!


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## beansricerevolt (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *senke* 
Could folk who homeschool chime in as to whether this is less of an issue? I've noticed that the homeschooled girls I know tend not to shave until later and seem pretty accepting of each other. I grew up in a more traditional school and definitely remember the social pressure to shave (I stopped shaving in college and haven't looked back).

It makes me sad that social pressure is a big impetus for girls shaving. The idea of "If she's getting teased for being hairy, then she needs to shave" doesn't strike me as that different from "If she's getting teased for not having designer clothes, then she needs to have them."

I don't know how we'll handle this with our daughter (she's only two, so we have time). My guess is that we'll let her shave when she wants to, but that we'll also make it clear that she doesn't HAVE to shave. I have horrible memories of being forced to pluck my eyebrows when I was a teen--I figure if I was able to navigate my social world with a unibrow, then I should have been permitted to do so!










We homeschool and DD is 10 and does not shave. Last year she asked ( I think I posted a question here ) and I asked her why she wanted to. She was just curious as to what age she can shave







I told her that I would like for her to wait until she has her moon but if she felt that it was uncomfortable, we can talk about our options. Haven't heard a word yet.
Many of the girls in our homeschool groups do not shave yet. It seems that the teens do but actually, none of the 8-11 year range do. (I've been looking







)
For what its worth, I do not shave my arm pits but do shave my legs.


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## monkeys4mama (Apr 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frog* 
I'd also encourage you to support her if she chooses NOT to shave. That was the biggest struggle for me, dealing with my mom's whatever once I quit shaving. It was NOT FUN.







:

Ikwym. I went for several years w/o shaving and it was really difficult dealing with the negative comments from my mother and the feeling of anxiety when I sensed that people were offended by it. I was living in a pretty progressive community at the time, so it wasn't so totally "out there" when I was around town. But if I travelled home to visit family or went other places, I felt most uncomfortable.

In retrospect, I think it was a good experience to work through those feelings. I gave up makeup and high-maintenance hair and the pursuit of trendy fashion around the same time and it was really liberating to be rid of all those things. But at the same time, it was a struggle to achieve a level of comfort with my different-ness.

Eventually I did resume shaving, since that was one thing that I was never able to be totally comfortable and confident in. I met my dh while I was hairy and he liked me just fine. But I never entirely shook the feeling of self-consciousness when I was in certain environments. So I chose to shave again and felt fine with it. I don't put a huge amount of effort into it, so I'm not finding it a big deal. I continued to go makeup-free and let my hair grow long and free. I am happy with this. Lately I've started playing with makeup again, some of the time, and find that it can be pleasing to get made up a bit too. It's only an occasional thing though. I think that's where I feel comfortable with it. I've reached a stage where it really has become about personal choice and feelings, not so much about how I am worried others will react. Except for the legs. I really never got there 100%. But it still was a good choice for awhile.

Rambling...

I think others are right. I'll just mention that if she wants to shave her legs I'd show her how and leave it at that.


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## Wazabooz (Apr 27, 2006)

CompostMom got a bit of a reaction there... for me it was this part--

Quote:

She was already shaving her under arms at my suggestions-we didn't wait for Dad on this one whoops.
... I'm surprised you let hubby have that much to say about it. Sounds like the kind of thing that a pubescent girl should decide with her mother. Any gender-specific hygiene issue should probably be handled by the same-sex parent, IMO.
I remember my father trying to get involved in this stuff, wanting to take me bra shopping, etc. I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction!

Smashlie, why were you "dreading" this? Let her try it, and don't sweat the small stuff. It's not like she wants to get her nose pierced or dye her hair green! Probably, it's just a summer thing for now.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frog* 
It's her body--I don't shave at all, but if my kid wanted to, I'd have no problem with it.









:
I do shave, but if dd never wants to, that's cool with me. I'm really not that invested in my children's body hair, yk?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frog* 
I'd also encourage you to support her if she chooses NOT to shave. That was the biggest struggle for me, dealing with my mom's whatever once I quit shaving. It was NOT FUN.







:

That's nasty. I don't know that it applies to anyone on this thread, but I've met a lot of people - usually the moms, for some reason - who are _way_ too hung up on what their kids look like.

DD (and ds1 and ds2, for that matter) can have short hair, long hair, lots of body hair, no body hair...whatever. It's not my body, and it's not my business.

ETA: I just realized I posted in this thread already - exactly one month ago. I said pretty much the same thing, too.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
That's nasty. I don't know that it applies to anyone on this thread, but I've met a lot of people - usually the moms, for some reason - who are _way_ too hung up on what their kids look like.

Yeah, I think it was less that and more that my mom knew on some level that I was a Big Lesbian and that freaked her right out, but it manifested itself in lectures about me needing to "learn the differences between men and women--and women SHAVE."


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 







:

That's nasty. I don't know that it applies to anyone on this thread, but I've met a lot of people - usually the moms, for some reason - who are _way_ too hung up on what their kids look like.


It's interesting that you say that. I think my mom was way too hung up on what _everyone_ looked like, _and still is.

_Now that you mentioned it, I'm going to try to be mindful of it when dealing with my dsd, because I think it's one of the most damaging things we can do to our daughters, making them paranoid about their looks.

From what my dh tells me, his late wife was obsessive about her looks, and dsd is a bit obsessive about hers, already, so I don't want to contribute to that in any way.







I'm already hearing comments like _get the fat free one_ at the grocery store when I pick up cream cheese for bagels. (Which is fine if I hear it from a grown up, but why should a 10 year old even give a damn about how much fat is in their cream cheese unless they're already worried about getting fat? Trust me, this one is not health obsessed.)


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
It's interesting that you say that. I think my mom was way too hung up on what _everyone_ looked like, _and still is._

_
I know the kind of thing you mean. My grandmother was like that, but not my mom...although I do see small hints peek through on occasion. I think it's hard to be raised with that, and not have any hints. Mom came pretty close, though.

_

Quote:

Now that you mentioned it, I'm going to try to be mindful of it when dealing with my dsd, because I think it's one of the most damaging things we can do to our daughters, making them paranoid about their looks.
Yeah - it's definitely unhealthy. I also don't want my boys thinking looks are all that counts, be it their own or a potential date/mate. That doesn't tend to go down very well.

Quote:

From what my dh tells me, his late wife was obsessive about her looks, and dsd is a bit obsessive about hers, already, so I don't want to contribute to that in any way.







I'm already hearing comments like _get the fat free one_ at the grocery store when I pick up cream cheese for bagels. (Which is fine if I hear it from a grown up, but why should a 10 year old even give a damn about how much fat is in their cream cheese unless they're already worried about getting fat? Trust me, this one is not health obsessed.)
That would worry me, too. DD (5) is always asking me about whether foods have sugar, but that's because I've been trying to talk to her about what sugar does to the body. So far, she doesn't seem to be worried about being fat...


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I know the kind of thing you mean. My grandmother was like that, but not my mom...although I do see small hints peek through on occasion. I think it's hard to be raised with that, and not have _any_ hints. Mom came pretty close, though.

Yeah - it's definitely unhealthy. I also don't want my boys thinking looks are all that counts, be it their own or a potential date/mate. That doesn't tend to go down very well.

That would worry me, too. DD (5) is always asking me about whether foods have sugar, but that's because I've been trying to talk to her about what sugar does to the body. So far, she doesn't seem to be worried about being fat...

We already have noticed that she decides who is a 'good person' based on looks, which really chaps my ass. She has an attachment disorder and one of the symptoms she exhibits is poor judgment. It terrifies me the way she will glom onto a total stranger sometimes and go on and on about how nice they were.









I have also seen my ds act like a total sh*t and be cut slack by giggling little girls and I know it's because they think he's cute.







: He's gotten in trouble when dh or I have witnessed some of this behavior because we've been flabbergasted at just how obnoxious he was.

People are goofy. I can remember a kid in one of my high school classes commenting to another guy about his girlfriend's behavior once, and he ended his summation with _she's not *that* beautiful._ If a 16 year old can figure that one out, I think as parents we ought to be able to find a way to get the point across to our children, yk?


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thisiswhatwedo* 
well I think the issue is that for men body hair is natural and shaving your face is a choice of style, for women it is either be pretty and conform by shaving all your body hair (which is now starting to include pubic hair) or be an ugly ****. Somehow our natural body hair is unnatural now and there is a cultural repulsion attached to womens hair. ....it is the lack of acceptance in our culture of a variety of female images as acceptable that I am getting at.

Yes, I think you summed up the problem. For men, it's like no one cares at all if they shave, don't shave, or anything in between. They have the choice to do whatever they want with every hair on their body and head. Can you imagine a boy coming home from school crying because he was teased all day and called names because he had hair on his legs???? But that's what I'm seeing in so very many posts here, either the posters themselves or their daughters being made to feel like crap by their peers because they have sprouted body hair. So it does add another layer of thought to the decision. For women, shaving or not is not simply a question of taste and style as it is for boys. For girls, it becomes a question of are you going to fit in or are you going to make yourself the center of negative attention? For that age, I think it has little to do with looking sexy for a man. It's more about fitting in. Now granted, shaving may have _become_ the cultural norm because women feel a need to look sexy for men, but now that shaving is entrenched as the cultural norm most girls don't even think of it as for pleasing a man. Really, women can be the fiercest guards of enforcing those cultural norms. It is just so very, very sad. Not that this observation really helps the OP with her question, though! Well, as to that I would let her shave, certainly. But I'd keep up a dialogue on reasons women shave questioning the status quo.

Jen


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

I think if she wants to you should let her. It's her body. Leg/armpit shaving's certainly not permanent. If she decides it's too much of a hassle to be hairless (like I do periodically) she stops. My DD is like me, sometimes she shaves sometimes she doesn't. It's just not a huge deal to us.


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## textbookcase (May 31, 2007)

I'm not quite there yet but I plan on letting my girls shave when they are self-conscious about it and ask to shave. dd1 is particularly hairy, so I figure it'll come sooner with her!


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## Isfahel (Mar 3, 2007)

I didn't start shaving, legs or armpits, 'til I was 18 and on my last year of college... People looked at me funny but I didn't want the hassle. My mom told me when I was a kid to not ever start shaving because then you have to keep it up... Lol, I guess I took it to heart. Though I still don't keep it up, I go for a month or two, especially in the winter, my poor husband! Thankfully I am redheaded and it's not too noticeable.


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## Wazabooz (Apr 27, 2006)

Quote:

I have also seen my ds act like a total sh*t and be cut slack by giggling little girls and I know it's because they think he's cute.
Reminds me of what I say to DD sometimes, _"You're so cute when you talk like that"_ (delivered with a loving smile and in a condescending manner). I said that the first time she copped a little teenage attitude. Boy it took the wind right out of her sails! Much better than a lecture or "Don't use that tone of voice with me..." type response. She just turned 13, so it really IS cute.
If your son is naturally cute and no one takes him seriously, it might be more upsetting to him than a stern reaction. Not sure if that's what you meant, though.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

No. What I meant is, cute people get cut way too much slack when they act like turds.

But I like your response.


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## Jennyfur (Jan 30, 2007)

FWIW, there is some pressure now on boys to remove their body hair. Teen girls like for guys to have smooth chests and backs, and I can tell you as someone who has a husband who gets his back waxed that the phenomenon is widespread.

My 14-year-old son has pretty hairy legs, and his twin sister has commented on them before. I laughed and asked her if he should shave them, just being silly, and she said that many of the teen boys in her school did shave their legs! Pursuing that, I learned that not only do a lot of teen boys shave their legs, but many of them trim their hair if they're not going to shave.

Just food for thought.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennyfur* 
FWIW, there is some pressure now on boys to remove their body hair. Teen girls like for guys to have smooth chests and backs, and I can tell you as someone who has a husband who gets his back waxed that the phenomenon is widespread.

My 14-year-old son has pretty hairy legs, and his twin sister has commented on them before. I laughed and asked her if he should shave them, just being silly, and she said that many of the teen boys in her school did shave their legs! Pursuing that, I learned that not only do a lot of teen boys shave their legs, but many of them trim their hair if they're not going to shave.

Just food for thought.

I had no idea there was now pressure on guys to be hairless, too. Come to thing of it.... While at the beach this summer I didn't see many youngish (less than 40 or so) men with hairy chests.


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## DavinaT (Jun 28, 2005)

WHEN

SHE

WANTS

TO

I do not believe that forcing an 11 or 10 year old control over her body hair (even if it is only imagined body hair) out of her hands by "making" her refrain from shaving is respectful, ethical or emotionally healthy. Any more force feeding my lil'ones would be healthy. Would you try to forbid the use of a certain form of sanitary protection or style of bra? I would hope not. To me it amount to the same thing - if a girl wants to use a diva cup (or whatever) for her periods and can do so- this is no different to wanting to use a razor for the hair on her legs. Afterall, what is to stop a girl using her friends razor while she is in her house - not exacly behaviour you want to encourage. Additionally it is not something I would discuss with my beloved to seek his agreement, any more than he would discuss our son starting to shave (except to tell me we needed extra shaving cream now 

I started using a depilatory cream at about 11 - when I started my period. My Mom dscouraged using a razor - becuase she knew how clumsy I was and there wasn't such a great range on the mrket back then. When I said I wanted to switch to wax her resposne was - well you'd better come to the supermarket with me to see which one is best. I use an electric razor now and an epilator and my leg hair - which I have been shaving for longer than anywhere else is actually much finer now. But this is more to do with genes and hormones than the method of hair removal. If anyone is concerned about stubbly fee,ling fast regrowth - wax. One of the wonderful benfits o beign a woman - if you don't like having you can wax. If you're squemish you can go to a salon and have a salon therapist do it for you!
CompostMom - your psot made me so so sad, too - for your daughter.
Heck if my Mom had "forbidden"me to shave, use tampons or deodorant, I would have gone right out and DONE those things (maybe whether IU had a great desitre to do so or not) whether she liked it or not.

Emotional hurt over something that can easily fixed does not build character - at best it just hurts. At worst it desesitizes and builds resentment. Not somethinG i want for my children.

As for the conforminG feminist isue - remember southern European women do not shave their underarms (never got close enough to find out about any other parts - it would have been impolite LOL) So by shaving I would be non-conforming. My Mom never shaved her legs - she has no leg hair, sEriously! She shaved her underarms using my Dad's old razors, her hair was so light!! I shave my public hair not for reasons of sex appeal (my beloved actually doesn't mind and would probably veer on the side of unshaven) but becuase I play a lot oF sports, including water sports.

However there IS on radio shows and among women about men beiing hairy - back, chest etc, the merits or demerits and how men can get rid of this. And yes, boys, even when i was in my teems did get teased about having hairy legs. So it does apply to both genders.

"Personally, I think there are bigger fish to fry in parenting than removing body hair. If you try to control everything, you will end up with a lot of control problems and rebellion. I am not going to fight hair cuts, perms, any hair coloring that is allowed by the school, clothing that is allowed by the school, jewelry allowed by the school, make-up that is not WAY beyond excessive, music, etc. If I fight all of those little things, how am I going to have any say in the big things? It seems like all we would be doing is fighting through the pre-teen and teen years. I don't want that"
- WELL SAID.


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