# Tempted to punish for wetting pants



## CinnamonDeMarco (Nov 4, 2005)

Arg! I am so frustrated! I promise I have never punished him for wetting his pants. Today I thought, "Maybe I could draw a frown face on a poster every time he wets his pants." That sounds crazy though. I just want a little encouragement and maybe some suggestions for positive solutions.

My son will be 3 years old this summer. He uses the potty. He knows how to use it independantly. He can pull down his pants and everything. He was using it well except when he was busy doing something really fun. In those cases he would not stop what he was doing to go to the potty. He would wet his pants and keep on playing. That's normal and wasn't a big deal to me. When I noticed he had peed, I told him to take off the pants, put them in the dirty clothes pile, and find clean pants in his drawer.

Lately everything is more important than using the potty. I can see by his body language he has to pee and I tell him to use the potty and he says "no." Then he pees on himself 30 seconds later. This just happened. I am so tired of this. My laundry is so stinky. The drier broke. The clothesline only holds so much laundry. I can't wash anything on rainy days. None of that is his fault, but it is so frustrating!

If I put him back in diapers I think he will be even less motivated to use the potty. He only began trying to use the potty when I put him in "big boy underware."


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Many many many boys are still having accidents at that age. Many haven't even STARTED to potty-learn. I think maybe it would help if you totally dropped the pressure for a few weeks and see what happens.










-Angela


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## PeacefulSeams (Apr 10, 2006)

My son does this too. I just remind him that he is a big boy and big boys use the potty. I also have him sit on the potty after he has had an accident. I let him know it is ok but next time try to go to the potty.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

I would not punish him for wetting his pants. I would try other things: Have him try to go pee during times when he is not engrossed in something or offer to pause or hold or whatever it is that he is doing while he goes and pees real quick. If all else fails maybe you can explain something along the lines of "maybe you're not feeling ready to be in underwear right now, so let's try diapers for awhile." I really can't imagine it will make it less likely for him to potty train. He is going to be ready when he is ready, whether he is wearing diapers or wetting his pants. If the only reason he is out of diapers is because of the allure of "big boy underwear" then he may not have been ready in the first place. My son knew when he had to pee for many months before he was ready to give up diapers at about 3.5yo.


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

My dd will be 6 in June and she didn't fully potty train until
she was 4.5 and even now we have little clusters of accidents.
Just last month she had three accidents within a few days.
Hadn't had any in months, hasn't had any since. She hasn't
wet the bed for more than 2 years now. Sometimes it doesn't
make any rhyme or reason. I just tell her we all have accidents
and keep reminding her to go when she does that gotta go
dance.


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## meco (Mar 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CinnamonDeMarco*

My son will be 3 years old this summer. He uses the potty. He knows how to use it independantly. He can pull down his pants and everything. He was using it well except when he was busy doing something really fun. In those cases he would not stop what he was doing to go to the potty. He would wet his pants and keep on playing. That's normal and wasn't a big deal to me. When I noticed he had peed, I told him to take off the pants, put them in the dirty clothes pile, and find clean pants in his drawer.

Lately everything is more important than using the potty. I can see by his body language he has to pee and I tell him to use the potty and he says "no." Then he pees on himself 30 seconds later.

This is so very normal. My son went through the _exact_ same thing as did some of his friends. I laid off, did not pressure him, let him make mistakes, was matter of fact about everything and now at 3 he is totally accident free. I do not expect them to never happen again though--kids are human, they have accidents. It probably won't last forever.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Rinse out the pants as soon as he wets, to cut down on the smell. Then, when you wash, put some baking soda in the wash water. You also might want to invest in a small clothes drying rack. I have seen them for less than $20. in Wal Mart or hardware stores.

This is from a mama whose 8 yr old still wets the bed a few times a month.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Very normal. I've been through it twice!!

You say that everything seems more important than potty. Well, follow his lead. He is directing his energy elsewhere because he is "primed" to learn about other things right now. Allow that energy to flow where he needs it to flow. His learning will be most efficient when he directs it himself.

FWIW, I will tell you what we did. We waited until the boys were 3 yo. Then we started having "underpants practise" for an hour each day. An hour at home at a point in the day when their spirits were typically high. And we let them know that it was "underpants practise time." And we went potty every 10 minute or so. Gradually over time, we extended underpants pratise to several hours. Within two weeks, they were in underpants at all times when at home. Within a month -- they were in underpants all the time.

We also had times during the day that were routine "potty times." We always go potty before leaving the house, we always go potty in the morning. We always go potty before lunch.... it was just easier than interupting play.

Every effort before age 3 was a waste of time. They were capable, they just didn't care!

For now -- I'd put him back in underpants, and I'd tell him point blank, "Tell mama when you are ready to work on this again."


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

All kids are very different about potty training. Obviously some things like example and a pleasant attitude are important for all kids but they are all ready at different times. With my first we did "official" potty training when he turned 3. I put him in underwear and set the timer for every 20 minutes. This was nat traumatic for him and he was fully potty trained even when out and about within 2 weeks.

My second son took FOREVER!







He was still having frequent accidents into kindergarten, first grade. Even now if he is engrossed in something he wont be able to get to the bathroom in time. He's a 10 year old 4th grader and has wet his pants at school 4 times this year.

My third child is a girl and she self-trained at 18 months. Now it took a while for her to be willing to use the big potties without her seat when we went out but I never had to do anything and never had to change a poopy accident after 18 months







and wet accidents were rare.

I would not ever do any kind of punishment for wetting. It will backfire faster than you can blink IMHO. My suggestion is to try taking him to go potty proactively and also wash the pants out in the sink to deal with the smell issues. Actually at 3 he could help wash them out too (not as a punishment)

Laura


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

My DS doesn't seem to be able to tell when he needs to pee, for some reason.

So if he's busy or obviously needs to go, I get the "pee cup", head on over, and have him pee in the cup.

He hardly has to stop what he's doing except for a few seconds.

It has really helped cut down on the messes. He's not really potty trained, I would not say, but we are able to have him in underwear, fortunately, without too many messes.

So, you might want to try the cup thing... ?

Sorry I don't have any other advice.







Good luck mama!


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

Oh my, you have gone back in time and kidnapped my son.

So he's 4 now and not really doing this anymore. He still puts off going to the bathroom long past the point of comfort, but it has been a terribly long time since he's just wet his pants.

Any time it happened, we'd just sigh and tell him to put the wet things in the diaper pail with all the other pee things, and get changed. After he was changed, we'd remind him that it took a lot longer to do this than it took to go pee, and maybe he should go pee when mommy and daddy asked if he had to go.

If you don't have a separate space for the pee clothing, you need to get one. It seriously stanks up the laundry if you don't. We only do laundry about once a week and yeah, it gets pretty unbearable if something peed-upon slips our notice and ends up in with the rest of the laundry.

We also sometimes removed him from his play when he obviously needed to pee. Say he was messing with some toy cars. In his head "this is so fun, vrooom, cars, cars, cars, so fun, red car..." and he hears "do you have to pee" and it is such a foreign concept. If we stood him up and got him uninvolved with the cars for a moment, sometimes he'd realize he DID have to pee.

And finally, if this is happening all the time, I'd move back to diapers. He might really have something more important than this in his life right now. Let him know that you'll go back to the undies when he's ready to pay more attention to when he needs to pee in the potty. Or see if you can wrangle a compromise whereby he gets his undies if he goes to the potty when you suggest it? We kind of did that for a while right at the very begining, where if they didn't go to the bathroom when we suggested it, we put a diaper on them to catch the inevitable pee that would come afterwards. It was a pretty parent-effort-intensive phase but it didn't last long.


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

I'm an early childhood educator. What he is doing is entirely normal. As others said, most boys haven't even learned yet at his age. And many who do have a period of relapsing, especially when engrossed in their play.

Please don't punish him. It's really normal now. If you feel the need to do something, provide lots of positive reinforcement (praise, new underware, special activities, etc.) to reward him for using the potty. And provide regular potty times when he's not engaged in a game.


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Oh, this is so typical of my house. It has really helped me to constantly remind myself how I would liked my mom to act if it were me doing the peeing. I know how frustrating it is....does it help you to know you're not alone? The last thing I would want to do is make a big deal about it....just matter-of-fact. I try and make frequent potty breaks and ask ds2 to come with me to flush the potty for me (he loves flushing







)...he usually decides he needs to go, too, once we're in the bathroom....hang in there, mama! It won't be forever


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## unfrozncavegrl (Jan 6, 2005)

My son went through this more then once. Each time it lasted a couple of weeks and then passed. Try letting it ride. This to shall pass!


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## CinnamonDeMarco (Nov 4, 2005)

Thanks for the encouragement.

I do need to put his pee-pee pants in the diaper pail. My diaper pail has a lid to contain the stink.

I do use baking soda in the regular wash now, because my laundry is so nasty. It really works well. Hopefully the drier will get fixed soon.

I used to chant, "You pee-peed in the potty." a couple times when he would pee in there. He really liked it. It's been months and I am really bored with the chant but I guess I'll chant again. It would probably encourage him.

I thought he would be self motivated by now, but he doesn't seem to care if his pants are wet. He won't even change them until I tell him to. If I see this is truely not going to work, I will put him back in diapers. It's better to wear diapers than be pressured and punished into using the potty.

He is using the potty enough that I think I will keep him in underwear for now. Thanks again.


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Another little suggestion - you said you can tell when he needs to go.

I would not ask him "do you need to go?" I would just bring a potty to him and say "look, potty came to see you. I think it wants you to pee in it!" (or something equally silly) OR don't say anything at all and try not to interrupt what he is doing.

There were times when DD would be continuing coloring *while* on the potty, I'd just bring it, "position" it under her, listen for the tinkle and take it away when she is done


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## katallen (Jan 4, 2005)

How about getting a little potty and dragging it around to the room he is in. He would have to go less distance and could still see what he is engaged in. I have had success with telling dd it is time to try, telling her to show a different toy how, and in a few incidents reminding her that she doesn't want an accident because it feels gross on her cloths and legs (she gets very upset about the feel of it and can't cope with removing the clothes herself so this is very effective). It may also help if you sing a song or read a book to him while he is on the potty so he doesn't feel there is no point to leaving one fun activity for the potty.

I also tell dd that the potty is hungry and it eats pee and poop and it needs to eat now so she better fill it! It always works and she thinks that is very silly.


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## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *irinam*
Another little suggestion - you said you can tell when he needs to go.

I would not ask him "do you need to go?"









:

If you know he needs to go, why give him such a good opportunity to say "no?"

Just say, "It's time to go to the bathroom." And lead him to it.

Every time DD tells me she doesn't have to go when I ask her, I say, "Tell Mommy when you need to go potty." It really does help her remember to tell me.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

My DS went through a phase with lots of accidents. In addition to the laundry tips above, and the very good advise not to let your frustration drive you to punish a normal behaviour, I think the best option is to be proactive. I used to set the timer for every hour or so and put it in his pocket. When the timer went off, it was time to go to the potty. That doesn't teach them to identify for themselves when to go, which is a disadvantage, but does cut down on the laundry issues. It also takes you out of the loop so its not a power struggle. Then you can work on the next step of having him figure out when to go.

Other things that helped
* Allowing him to go outside if that was what he wanted -- mine loves to pee off of the playstructure in the backyard. Must be a boy thing.
* Having him go whenever DH was going.
* Always going after getting out of bed, before meals, before leaving the house or school.
* Praise when he did use the toilet on his own.
* Chanting to yourself "this too shall pass" or whatever to keep your patience so you can be non-reactive when nothing actually works.


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## mahogny (Oct 16, 2003)

When my son was still having accidents during the day, the drill was that he'd take off his pants and underwear and put them in the bathroom sink. Then we'd rinse them out together and hang them on the shower door to dry. When they were dry I'd just put them in his laundry basket and they'd get taken care of on laundry day.

He still occasionally wets the bed at night, and he still follows the drill. He takes off his jammies and underwear and puts them in the sink. He can't rinse them and hang them b/c they get too heavy (he always forgets to wring!) but I see them first thing in the morning and take care of them. Actually, since he's just having night time accidents now, I just put the jammies in the wash with his sheets the next morning.


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## mosky22 (Jan 4, 2004)

I totally agree with what other people have said. It is completely normal for him to regress in this way. Try to be supportive. If you have to, put him back in diapers. If you have to, play the funny games about going in the potty. But be supportive. If you do put him back in diapers, don't make it a punishment. Just explain that you don't want his clothes, the floor, the carpet whatever to get wet when he pees himself. I do admit that when dd regressed like this I put the bulkiest most uncomfortable diapers I had on her







, but I was supportive. Now that we have a new baby, sometimes she wants a diaper, just because the baby is getting a new one







: I haven't yet indulged this, but if I thought it was really important to her I might. At any rate, it probably is that he is just too engaged in what he is doing to break away. I know it is exhausting, but you are a good mama and you can do!


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