# The Saddest day I've known



## JavaJerri (Mar 20, 2002)

Today, my best friend in the world is walking around a strange town waiting for her baby's heart to stop beating. Tomorrow they will remove her most wanted and longed for son. For 17 weeks we celebrated him, prepared for him and dreamt about our future with him. Then, five days ago, they called about the aft test and told her to come in the next day for an ultrasound. The ultrasound confirmed everyone's worst fears: the baby had severe spina bifida and brain damage. The only options were terrible and horrible. At 24, she chose the option that would leave her most likely to be able to conceive again. We put all the ultrasound pictures in a little baby album and I took some pictures of her so she can remember (as if she could forget) the time her and her baby were together. I read a book called Empty Cradle, Broken Heart and it suggested that the memories and momentos that you have can be very helpful in grieving. It's really hard to have many of these so I was hoping someone might have a poem that wouldbe relevant to a situation like this. Also, any other thoughts or suggestions about what might be helpful, I would really appreciate. Thank you in advance.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

YOu are doing the best thing possible just by being there for her and taking the time to try and understand. A lot of women who lose children inutero or at birth often are hurt by people who don't see it as actually losing a child. Or just respond wiht the "you can have more children"...you are a great friend.

There is a lot of poetry on these boards and you can also look on Google. I am not very eloquent and I am sorry I cannot help you out on that one.....

when my neice passed away my dh and I had a start named after her...it is at starregistery.com.....but everyone grieves in their own way...some people make gardens..if she has a yard maybe you could buy her some plants or a gift cert for her to pick her own.....

But the best will just being there for her to find her own way to heal...


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## kykarraliv (Jan 26, 2002)

I lost my little Hannah Noel on Feb 23rd 2001. She is the twin of our surviving baby Annika Montana. At that time I found this poem that comforted me and spoke to my heart. I have it hanging in my bedroom dedicated to my little angel. As many memories as possible helps the most.

WHAT MAKES A MOTHER

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When you baby is not with you?"
"Yes, you can" He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there is no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw a tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile
With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me so much ,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheeck,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today.
I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are born in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gate for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in her heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
You are a Mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And know you are the best one!"

Author unknown


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## JavaJerri (Mar 20, 2002)

Thank you for the nice suggestions. I really like the idea of a star being named after him and will probably do that for a special anniversary. The poem is just exactly what I had in mind. I will tuck it inside a card I bought for her.

Another thought: Two weeks ago, I would have never visted this forum. It's amazing when things aren't personal to you, you just ignore them. By knowing this friend and this baby, I have found a place where some of the most caring and kind people come and give help and comfort to others. Everyone here has experienced losses and I will think about you all each time I think about Isaiah.


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## lisamarie (Nov 19, 2001)

Kim~

I am so touched by that poem. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face.

Thank You~

Lisa


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## kykarraliv (Jan 26, 2002)

The poem touched me the same way.
Here is a poem I wrote on my baby's angel day

One year ago today
Her baby passed away

The promise of a twin
How she holds the pain within

The pictures of two babies
Growing in the womb
The tears of joy that fell
In that darken room

The happy couple went home to share the news
That now the family would be blessed with twos.

The children shouted with joy
Maybe now they would get a boy

Boy or girl it was a blessing
Two little babies to be dressing

Grandma was called on the phone
She had twins of her own

A family tradition flowing
As her belly is growing

The weeks went by in total bliss
But soon she feared something was amiss

Soon the blood begins leaking
She rushes to the doctor comfort she is seeking

The darken room where jouyous tears fell
Has now become a lonely Hell

Only one beating heart could be seen
Her mind is realing. What could it mean?

Two babies once grew in her womb
For one now it is a tomb

A Mother's heart is torn in two.
What now would she do?

From the doctor she ran away
Anguished cries where her's that day.

Her husband tries to protect in his embrace
As sorrow and helplessness filled his face

Children were gently told
There would be only one baby to hold

Their heart wrenching sobs filled the air
As one child cried, "Doesn't God care?"

The Mother says she will again
See the child within

On a young face a fragile hope spreads across
Maybe all is not lost

As the night darkness falls
To God Mother calls.

Soon a gentle voice is heard
"Mom I love you." Where her words.

"I had to go today
But I'll never be far away.

You will always be my Mother
For I love you like no other.

Please do not dispair
For Heavenly Father does care

I will be watching from above
Know I am sending down my love

Tell my sisters I love them
And we will be together again

Tell Dad I love him too
To love you is his work to do."

A glorious daughter filled with love
A blessing sent from above

A Mother's love death could not sever
Because families are forever.


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## Kaya's Mama (Jan 13, 2002)

She is so lucky to have you! Just know I will be thinking about her and praying that she finds peace. I also found that poem very moving.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

JavaJerri, what a beautiful friend you are.

This poem has always touched me.

*A Mother's Love*

I didn't have to look into your eyes
to fall in love with you.
I didn't have to hear you cry
to know you loved me too.
I didn't need to hld your hand
to cherish you for always.
Within my womb, we shared our hearts.
You touched my soul.
You sweetend my spirit.
You gave me mories I'll always hold dear.
But a mother's love does not end with death.
For you are my chil.
Forever my love is yours.
_--Kathy Schmucker_

*Christopher on the Ultrasound*

You lie in that secret home
your smile archaic and blind
as if sculpted in stone.
Fronds of cord sway.
Your hands fold down.
We search everywhere
for treasure lost
in my warm currents,
for valves that ope,
for hadns that wave.
All evening under my heart
you change into silence,
older than se, than stone.

I am waiting
to give birth
to death.
_--Faith Williams_

Empty Cradle Broken Heart is an excellent book. It was a great sorce of comfort for me when I lost my daughter. The memories that you make are going to bring so much comfort later. Your friendship is so important too.

The thoughts and poetry by everyone here is so beautiful. Your all lovely women.


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