# Need help: teaching baby to sleep in his own space w/ou CIO!



## HappyLamb (Jan 25, 2005)

I feel guilty about this, but the family bed just isn't working for us. My son (3 months old) is a pretty noisy sleeper, and he keeps me up with his congestion and wiggling around. Also, I have (unfounded, maybe) fears that I'm going to accidentally pull the blanket over him, smother him, etc.. So basically, I'm up more than my son, worrying about something happening to him in our bed. So I'm up all night and don't function so well during the day. Most of the day I'm tired and crabby, of course, so that doesn't help me put other AP ideas into practice!
WE tried a co-sleeper, but that didn't help, either.
SoI need to try to teach him to sleep in his own space (a crib), but I have no idea how to do it. I really don't want to have to do some CIO method. He doesn't have a problem sleeping "through the night"- but he does have problems falling asleep when he's not right next to one of us. If he's tired and I put him down in the bassinett for a minute he screams, and then it takes him FOREVER to calm down. For instance, when we're getting ready for bed, I'll put him down for a minute so I can brush my teeth- and he starts to wail. And then it will take me or my husband 20 minutes to calm him down.
any ideas? I'm getting really frustrated and I'm begining to regret that I even began co-sleeping









-Rachel


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Personal opinion? Find a way to make co-sleeping work for you. Your babe is still SO little. He needs you. By 3 months most worries about blankets and such are unfounded- I know by then my babe could have gotten the blanket off her face if she needed to. Keep trying- it gets easier- I promise!

hugs!

-Angela


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## dido1 (Aug 12, 2004)

Hello and welcome. I know that co-sleeping at first can be a little scary with all the worries and your natural awareness of the babe keeping you awake at night. But it does get better.

First of all, when the baby is in bed with you, where does he sleep? It sounds like he sleeps in the middle, between you and your partner? What I found worked better for us was to buy a saftey rail that goes on the side of the mattress (Toys R' Us, etc.) and have the baby sleep between you and the safety rail. This way you don't have to worry about your partner rolling on the baby and you can keep the covers completely off the baby. I'd put DS in a nice footed sleeper and never used blankets on him until he was big enough to crawl out on his own. He at breast level so I didn't have to worry about him smothering on the pillows or getting trapped under covers.

I found the time between 3 and 6 months the most challenging for co-sleeping because DS was so wiggly and started sleep crawling, but this soon passed. We did try having him in a crib and a bassinet in our room, but he simply wouldn't sleep there. The arrangement that is working for us now is that we have a crib sidecarred to the side of our bed, which give us all more room. DS rarely sleeps in that space, but he does crawl in and out of there when he wakes up in the morning and plays while we doze.

During the daytime, my saving grace was a baby wrap and a baby sling. My DS didn't like being on his own until he as about 5 months and even then needed to be held most of the time. I learned to wear him on my front, side and back and was able to get all my chores done. I forced myself to sleep when he slept and was eventually able to sneak away when he napped in our bed to get some time for a bath, phone calls or time to read a book. At 10 months old, he still needs to be nursed down for naps and I still sleep with him during one of his naps so I can get rest myself.

Sorry this has become rather long. Make sure you are cutting yourself some slack during the day and getting rest when your son sleeps! Let the house go, let some else take care of chores, etc. And while I believe that co-sleeping is the best option, there are others on this board who were able to transition babies to their own spaces who might be able to offer some advice in that direction.

Trust your Mama's heart and know that you are being a great mama!


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## sandrajoon (Oct 2, 2003)

We found the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley very helpful. Gives all the options, and although it isn't a super quick fix it does work. This will get boos from many, but from experience co-sleeping with both my children I don't think that co-sleeping = undermining a child's ability to sleep well. it is possible to find a solution that works for you all!


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## kiahnsmum (Oct 22, 2004)

Hi, i have to agree with pp, i know that you are wanting advice for your baby to sleep in his own space but i swear if your not wanting to use CIO







then it will be hard having to get up in the night to feed. Life is definitly easier for us having co-slept with ds and now dd.
One suggestion if your worried about the covers someone i know had their bed against the wall and baby in a large moses basket on the wall side.
Keep up the good work.


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## cancat (Jun 15, 2004)

Umm, it seems obvious, but can you wait until he's totally asleep, and then move him to a crib?

Also, I second the suggestion of no cry sleep solution.


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## MilkOnDemand (Jan 7, 2005)

Could you try nursing baby to sleep, then setting him down in his crib? At 3 months, I can't imagine that he'd continue to sleep all night, so you may have to start getting up for the night feeds, then when he is asleep placing him in the crib. I do think you should try to find some sort of modified co-sleep solution and try to make it work for you. It really is comforting to babes to have their parents close by







CIO is not the only option to help a child learn to sleep alone, but your babe is so young....


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## EJP (Aug 8, 2004)

Hi - Sorry co-sleeping isn't working - Just so you know - even the "experts" say that CIO is not suitable for a baby under 6 months so don't even think of it - wipe it straight out of your mind (I think that for beyond 6 months too - but you shouldn't even be contemplating it at 3 months - you are smack dab in the middle of the groggy eyed parent stage!) Have you tried swaddling him - I wish we had don't so with our little guy because a lot of people sayt that it works - It would be easier to transfer him to a crib if he was swaddled too. If you are adamant about moving him to another room, then I suggest that you put a mattress on the floor for when you have to nurse him upon a wake up - you might surprise youself and fall asleep beside him.


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## surf mama (Jan 8, 2005)

My dd didn't sleep thru the night until much much later but maybe some of my suggestions can still work for you...this is some of what I did when she moved to her own bed/room at around 20mo.

If you don't want to co-sleep then I would recommend putting a twin mattress on the floor in the room you want your son to sleep in(IMO I wouldn't use a crib because it seems like it is soooo hard to transfer a little one to a crib without having to use CIO) By using the twin bed, you can nurse him to sleep and lay next to him until he is deep asleep. If I remember right it can take on average 20 minutes for a little one to be deeply asleep. Then you could slip away or you could just sleep there until you wake the first time and then go to your bed. When my dd is sick or teething sometimes she needs me to sleep all night with her in her bed.

We pushed the twin bed against the wall in a corner with a rail up on the other side and soft blankets on the floor at the foot of the bed. That way she couldn't roll out and if she managed to get out somehow she would land on soft blankets.


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## AmyY (Jul 22, 2004)

What I did with my girls at that age was: DH and I on queen bed; crib next to my side of bed but not right next, I had to get up to get to the bed; crib rail partly down but not all the way.

The girls nursed to sleep on the nursing pillow, at which point I decanted them into their positions in the crib. Then as each woke up through the night I would bring them into bed to nurse back to sleep with me lying down, then I would transfer them back to the crib.

Yes it made for lots of trips up and down at night. But it did two things for me: 1. Allayed my fears that I would hurt them by not waking up (I was desperately ill after delivery and often DH had to shake me - hard - to wake me after they had been crying for several minutes); 2. Got me used to sleeping next to them each in short segments of time, which naturally got longer as time passed and we all got more comfortable.

By 6 months I was healthy enough to wake up reliably and they were sturdy enough (having passed many preemie milestones) that we were able to bring them into bed with us permanently.

So don't rule any option out for good. You can try various things over time and one thing may work better at one time and another thing may work better another time. Once we started fully co-sleeping we switched to two mattresses on the floor so we all had s-p-a-c-e while still being together.









(On a related note, my brother was born when I was 2 1/2. My parents occasionally tell, with guilty looks, about how they couldn't sleep with his snoring and snorting and so early on moved him in with me. They still responded throughout the night as needed but actually slept more with him by me not them. I, clearly, came through unscathed - though I am still a night waker! Hmmm.... :LOL )

You can make it work without CIO, keep your options open and be flexible about what works at various stages and you'll be fine, you're doing a great job so keep it up!


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

I don't co-sleep with either of my children and never have. I don't like sleeping with someone near me and the little noises kept me up all night when they were in my room. Both of mine were in their own rooms for 3 weeks on. I never did CIO I would just rock/nurse them to sleep in a rocker in their room and then put them down when they were asleep. Its actually a nice time. my son didn't start going to sleep awake until 2.5 and my daughter is just now occassionally doing it (she will nurse but not settle and I will kiss her and say goodnight and she'll go to sleep). Co-sleeping is not necessary to be a responsive parent IMO. I went to my children whenever they needed me and never did CIO. I also don't believe in any type of weaning and my daughter is just now starting to sleep through the night but I'm fine with that. Do what feels best for you because a grouchy, tired mommy is not a good thing. To transition him to crib I would just try nursing/rocking to sleep and then putting him down. Sometimes it takes awhile, you need to make sure he is totally asleep before putting him down. When he wakes up just do the same thing again. Maybe put one of your t-shirts in the bed with him so he smells you. Personally my kids didn't sleep wonderfully in cribs so when baby # 3 comes along well be using an Amby baby hammock (www.ambybaby.com)


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## Cian'sMama (Jan 28, 2005)

We co-slept peacefully until about 4 months. During his 5th month Ds was hyper-alert to every move we made, every tiny noise...it became impossible for any of us to sleep.
We moved to a new house when ds was six months and decided to transition to his own room this point. I am a Montessori teacher and really liked the idea of a "child bed" rather than a crib. This was very disturbing to many people in my life, but I still tried it. Ds moved to his new room with a full-sized futon mattress in the corner. I slept with him for the first two weeks, weaning him off co-sleeping as gently as i could. He adjusted very well, and having him sleep in a bed made it so easy for us nurse, he would wake and i would just lay next to him, nurse him back to sleep and leave the room. Sure, ds rolled off his bed now and then, but the 5-inch drop to a carpeted floor never hurt him, and a couple times he even stayed asleep. As he began crawling, he could get in and out of bed on his own. We made a huge effort to baby-proof every corner of his room. It is very sparsley furnished, just a bed a dresser bolted to the wall so it can't tip. We feel it is perfectly safe for him. ds is now one year old. he loves his bedroom and his bed-even crawling in there during the day and laying down to rest for a few minutes. He wakes from naps and crawls to a corner where there are a few books and toys. I can hear him in there talking and feel so glad that he can do this on his own, without mommy having to free him from the confines of a crib. As for CIY-we struggled with this a few months ago. We finally gave up on the idea of him falling asleep on his own and i'd nurse him to sleep then sneak out. We did use some of the ideas in the no-cry sleep solution book like having an exact bedtime ritual, using specific words repetitively, like "nite-nite time now." These seemd to clue him in as to what was going on. Then at 11 months he began sleeping through the nite, waking only for a brief nursing at 3 am.
I know that putting a baby on his own bed with no railings is not for everyone. Enough family and friends have criticized me for it. But it has worked so well for us, and I never have to worry about ds falling out of a crib.


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## zannster (Aug 12, 2004)

I emphathize with the original poster, because I have a baby (10 wks) with the same temperament. Luckily, he's doing okay co-sleeping so far, but I'm already stressed about future problems. Why? He doesn't sleep on his own at all. He won't take naps. If I just lie him down, he'll scream. So far, the only ways he will fall asleep during the day are in his swing (which I'm sure he'll outgrow in a couple of months) or in someone's arms (walking around or rocking). He will occasionally take nurse naps, but those are sporadic. I think it's a small miracle that he falls asleep in bed at night. He sleeps pasted next to me, so a crib at the side of the bed won't happen without some major CIO. Also, for the poster who suggested just rocking/nursing and then putting him down - that just doesn't work for this baby. Most times, he will wake up within 10 minutes of being put down. If I tried that, I'd be up all night. I guess I'm ambivalent about co-sleeping. I like being able to nurse easily. I like the fact that he seldom wakes up at night. I like being able to check him periodically and snuggle with him.







But I'm also having problems with my fiance because we seldom get the opportunity for sex (as I won't do it while the baby is lying there awake and I don't want to risk waking him up). I'm nervous about how long we're going to have a baby/child in bed with us, and wonder if there will come a point (while he's still a baby) when it will be difficult to change. I'm afraid I'm going to have a little terror on my hands for years because he won't be able to sleep on his own.

Anyway, you get the idea. I'm reading the responses with interest.


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