# 12 month old boy will not self feed? Help/Advice please!



## Everythingirl1 (Nov 22, 2007)

Sorry for the long post!!!

My son just turned 12 months old. He is actively crawling and is about to start walking (stands alone for 60 sec at a time, etc.). He babbles constantly although I can't really say he has said "mama" or "dada" consistently.
He is breastfed (no bottles or pumping) and we co-sleep.

We started him on solids around 5 months (organic iron fortified cereal) in hopes that it would help him sleep through the night. Around 6 months, he would grab at the spoon as I was feeding it to him and he would act as if he wanted to self-feed. Around 9 months he stopped the spoon grabbing, although he also started to master his "pincer grasp".

Now at 12 months, he picks up blocks, specks of dirt on the floor, etc. quite easily with his thumb and forefinger. He just started finger pointing recently.

We have graduated from cereal to home-made baby foods like sweet potatoes, etc. and the occasional organic bottled baby food. All of these he will eat if WE feed it to him by hand or by baby spoon.

We have a dog who loves to hang around the table and high chair for any scraps. My son and the dog get along great.

However, ever since I introduced finger foods around 11 months, he has refused to pick them up and bring them to his mouth. At first I thought it was because I was offering veggies. So I got desperate and started offering the cereal Os and gerber puffs. But no- he won't put them in his mouth for self feeding! If I put the morsel of food in his mouth, he will eat it. Sometimes, he will even cry for me to put it in his mouth.

But he does put other, non-food items in his mouth- like blocks, the remote control (sigh).

Instead of bringing the food to his mouth, he either picks it up and drops it on the floor or picks it up and tries to feed it to the dog. As a matter of fact, any time I give him a piece of food in his hand, he attempts to feed the dog (who of course, takes it quite graciously!).

We introduced a sippy cup around 9 months. Same thing- if I hold the sippy cup, he'll drink from it. But he rarely, if ever, drinks from the sippy cup on his own. But he will ask/cry for the breast! He will even put the breast in his mouth if it falls out! Sometimes I wonder if it's because I breastfeed naturally and never offered/used a bottle?

I'm freaking out







bc all the books say they should start grabbing food between 9 - 12 months. And I'm constantly seeing other babies eating those goldfish crackers, cheerios which my son just will not put in his mouth!

THANKS FOR ANY ADVICE!!!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I'd take a break for a week or so. Not feed him any solids- have them available, but only for him to feed himself. Breastmilk is perfect nutrition for him still. Perhaps he's still not really ready for solids.

-Angela


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## abharrington (Jun 30, 2007)

i certainly don't think its because you never offered a bottle. and i wouldn't worry that he wont' eat puffs, goldfish or cheerios. like the pp said, i would just contine to offer chunks of fruits, veggies and meats during mealtime and when he is ready he will eat it. you know he can physically do the actions, so for some reason he just doesnt' want to right now. no worries. also like the pp said, breastmilk is still excellent nutrition for him, so i would just give him some time and maybe take a break from the spoon feeding.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

It sounds like your son has no problem picking things up, so I wouldn't worry. He just prefers being fed right now!

Honestly, I'd just enjoy this phase. I know that when one of my daughters started insisting on self-feeding, she also began a long phase of automatically dumping/throwing her food the moment she was done with it. Though I'd never hold back a child from self-feeding (even my child who purposely made a mess), I must confess it's nice when they'll let you feed 'em -- it's just a little break from all the clean-up you're bound to have later on.









And in case anyone tries to scare you by saying, "If you do it for him now, you'll be doing it forever" -- how many 10yo boys do you know who still haven't mastered self-feeding? They all do get it eventually, just as with toilet training!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I'd take a break for a week or so. Not feed him any solids- have them available, but only for him to feed himself. Breastmilk is perfect nutrition for him still. Perhaps he's still not really ready for solids.

-Angela

That's also a possibility -- though I wouldn't refuse to feed him if he cried for it, as you've said that your son sometimes does.


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## tylerdylan (Aug 29, 2007)

It sounds like your DS is very capable of self-feeding, but is in a "mommy do it" phase.

DS1 was like this too. And because he was failure to thrive and we were desparate to get food into his body we kept feeding him ourselves. Now at 3 he still has days where he barely eats unless we put the food in his mouth for him (he's still a crummy eater too). It is quite frustrating. If he's hungry or in a good mood or really likes the food on his plate he will happily feed himself, but otherwise he wants help or he just won't eat.

So, with DS2 we are doing things completely different. We skipped the baby cereals and jarred food and went straight to self-feeding foods. Now at 10 months he is eating really good with a spoon all on his own and I am thrilled (he ate a huge bowl of chili all on his own last night). His favorite is watermelon and it is so funny to see this little baby taking bites out of a huge piece of watermelon. He does it better than my 3 year old does. If DS2 is eating something really tough to do ie applesauce I give him one spoon in each hand and one for me (otherwise he won't open his mouth for me because he wants to do it all himself).

So my advice is that if you don't want to have a child who depends on you to feed him for the next few years I would continue to offer lots of finger foods and really encourage him to do it on his own and praise his efforts.


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## luckygreen713 (Apr 9, 2008)

I agree with everything pp's have said. Maybe he likes to imitate what you're doing-he sees you feeding him, so maybe he wants to be like you and feed the dog. My dd went through someting like this. She wanted to feed me and dh her food. So I made myself a plate of finger food and let her watch me eating it. After a while she wanted to feed herself. Not sure if watching me do it made her want to, or if she just naturally decided she wanted to put her food in her mouth instead of my mouth or dh's. I still fed her finger food and spooon-fed her when she showed interest, I jsut made a big deal of eating my own finger foods so she would pay attention to what I was doing.
I'm sure your son will feed himself when he is ready. I wouldn't worry. Just make a big deal when he does feed himself so he's proud of himself.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *luckygreen713* 
Maybe he likes to imitate what you're doing-he sees you feeding him, so maybe he wants to be like you and feed the dog. My dd went through someting like this. She wanted to feed me and dh her food.

That is so sweet! She preferred eating as an interactive process ("You feed me and I'll feed you"). I've had my own children do this, too, at times -- especially with their pets, which they often treat as their "babies."


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