# The holidays and unwanted (but appreciated) gifts



## blessedmama59 (Mar 3, 2010)

I hope this is the right place to post this. Hubby and I have been discussing going plastic-free, and have realized it's not going to be that easy with our DD (18mths) and Christmas. Both sides of our family LOVE to buy her things..lots and lots of plastic junky toys. While I appreciate any gift and am thankful, I just would rather they spend the money on something that is of WORTH and isn't toxic to our DD. I hope I'm not sounding selfish or awful..I feel comfortable explaining to my mom and my family, but not so much his side. I really don't know how to approach this. Should I say something? I don't know what to do without seeming completely ungrateful. Also, we already have a TON of plastic toys and I would like to know how I can dispose of them responsibly. Any ideas, ladies??


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

My feeling is, there's really no tactful way to say anything, unless they ask. If they do, "We're doing her big-girl room in natural woods and getting her a lot of wood toys, so if you want to match that, that would be great, but she'll love anything from her Gramma, you know!" is probably about as diplomatic as it gets. If they don't ask... sigh. Between this age and around four, when kids can write "letters to Santa" that in my case shall be posted on Facebook with gift-givers tagged, LOL, it is just hard. I really empathize.

As for existing toys, I would donate them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. If you live near an airport to which Pakistan International Airlines flies, they are taking boxes free to earthquake victims in Pakistan. No toys of pigs or scantily-clad women (baby dolls okay). The government relief arm is delivering them. So that's a thought. Those children truly will not be in a position to have other toys, and probably this plastic exposure is not going to push them over the edge, LOL.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

Give a list for them to choose from. Most people appreciate having an idea of what to buy.Yea,you still might get the odd and ends cheapo stuff,which you can pack up after the holidays and donate to a woman/children crisis center.

I have gotten catalogs and the kids have circled items of interest.Makes it pretty easy to know what to buy.

If you talk to family just focus on the things you would like for your children to get,and avoid calling anything cheapo plastic crap(even if it is),because they will take it personally. Just keep pointing them in the right direction.Some will get it,and some will always buy junk they see jsut as they are checking out at the store.


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## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

My son's father's family has always been really good about asking. I always, always encourage books and movies. I talk up my son's love of reading, and they have been really great about giving mostly books and movies with one or two crappy plastic toys for him to play with at their house. Can't ever have too many books.


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## accountclosed3 (Jun 13, 2006)

in order to have a real relationship with people--rather than building up resentment--i decided to go ahead and just be blatantly honest with people.

i told both my parents and my ILs before DS was born that anything we received that was not what we wanted, we would donate it to charity *immediately*. So, i suggested that they A. buy from our list; B. ask before they buy; or C. make a donation to the charitable organization instead of buying an object that I have to donate.

it worked.

i did this not because i'm not grateful for whatever they would gift. Certainly, i am grateful for their love.

but the reality is, the object *is not* their love. it is how they are *expressing* their love. Thing is, objects are not my love language. Getting a ton of objects that i do not want, that i feel that i have to hold on to because it is how they chose to express their love, actually really frustrates and upsets me. The object does not communicate love to me, instead if communicates "You are not listening to what i want or need for myself; you do not value me for the way i am and how i want to live, and by buying these objects that i do not want, and effectively foisting them on me, you are forcing me to live the way that you want me to, not the way that i want to."

i don't think (many) parents really want that for their children, even grown ones, and their grandchildren. so, they are likely to listen.

this is just me though.


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## accountclosed3 (Jun 13, 2006)

by the by, i never talked about the stuff in terms of quality.

it's like this. My mother wanted to buy us a bassinette, a this a that, another thing. i didn't want these things. they were all really lovely, expensive, high-quality objects. *but i did not want them*

it's ok to not want certain things. it's ok to say "i do not want these things." i keep toys to a minimum in our house, and this is part of how i do it. he gets 1-2 toys per holiday/gifting time. because they are mailed to us, i can always keep one packed away for another time. But, i try to keep it to a minimum.


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## rere (Apr 21, 2005)

I'm not sure that there is a good way to say it but if you absolutely plan on not keeping plastic toys,I suggest you deal with it now.It's easy to get rid of things you don't want in your home when kids are little but telling your 6 yr old that you're getting rid of their beloved gift because you don't like it,is a whole lot harder.I think it's easier to tell family how you feel about plastic than it is to tell your kid they can't have the gifts given to them.

Good luck.I know it can be hard to have those conversations.


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## jimblejamble (May 18, 2007)

I'm facing the same issue. Subbing to see what other people suggest.


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## Norabella (Mar 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rere*
> 
> I'm not sure that there is a good way to say it but if you absolutely plan on not keeping plastic toys*,I suggest you deal with it now.It's easy to get rid of things you don't want in your home when kids are little but telling your 6 yr old that you're getting rid of their beloved gift because you don't like it,is a whole lot harder.I think it's easier to tell family how you feel about plastic than it is to tell your kid they can't have the gifts given to them.*
> 
> Good luck.I know it can be hard to have those conversations.










Definitely decide now that you are addressing it at the source, or you realize that in not doing so, you are accepting that you will have these things in your home.

My side of the family is on-board with these things-without having to say anything. DH's family, not so much. So before DD's first Christmas DH wrote an email to his parents letting them know that we would prefer to avoid plastic toys for her. It was worded in terms of our preferences, and included links for some of the natural toy catalogs, like Nova Naturals. Worked beautifully. Also, I think that with all the recent alerts about toys from China being toxic (most recently the "superhero" character drinking cups w/ 1000x the safe levels of lead) that you could present it as a safety issue that you avoid toys/children's products made in China/other countries that are big exporters of cheap toys. While I am sure that there are some plastic toys that are made in the US and Europe, they are unlikely to the of the "cheapo plastic crap" variety. And, since in general quality=$$, that also helps cut down on the sheer quantity of stuff.


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## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

We were honest with people from the start, when they asked what we wanted for the baby. We said, "We're hoping to steer away from plastic toys and anything that needs batteries." When people asked what we did want, we'd say that we were saving up for a bike trailer and would appreciate contributions to that or DD's educational fund. If they were folks who I knew preferred to give 'things', I'd suggest books, cloths in older sizes (why does everyone give the itsy bitsy clothes!?!), wooden toys, craft supplies, dress-up clothes, memberships to family-centered places, etc.

Everyone got on board, for the most part, but not entirely. One grandma insists on buying DD plastic, MIC crap, along with giving DD beautiful homemade clothes and stuffies. She was just here last night, delivering a beautiful handmade advent calender filled with tiny gift-wrapped presents, one for each day. I think I'll open them the night before and see if it's suitable. Whistle, suitable. Chocolate lollipop, no suitable. She also gave DD several plastic bracelets and rings that were choking hazards and just awful. And several plastic Dora bath toys that reeked of chemicals. After bedtime, the bracelets, rings and plastic bath toys went into the bin to take to the thrift store. I always send thank you letters, and I never make comments on the actual gift. I figure, I've said my piece, and that's that. I'm not going to harp, but I'm also not going to keep the crap in our house.

She also gave DD a LARGE plastic snowman who sings and scares the crap out of DD, and I don't know what to do about that ... she'll want to see it every holiday season!


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## HerRoyallHighness (May 14, 2010)

^ If it were me I'd just explain that the snowman scared her and you had to put it away. Then get rid of it.









I know plenty of parents who simply want fewer toys for their children, and let their friends and families know this if they are going to be giving gifts. For some of them the underlying reason is cutting down on cheap plastic crap, and for some it's simply that they have a small home and space is at a premium. There isn't really a need to go into details; when all's said and done it's your home, your child, and your decision. I think asking for books instead is a great idea. It's never too early to encourage a child to love books.


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## IntuitiveJamie (Jun 24, 2006)

I agree with just being honest. Sharing that you are shifting your values and why. In the end what matters is how you receive whatever you are given. But there should be no problem having an honest and friendly conversation with family letting them know what is important to you.


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## ericaness (Oct 9, 2008)

i am envious of all the people who feel comfortable being honest with their family. for us, i am afraid that trying to explain about no plastic/battery operated toys to the grandmas and grandpas will just hurt feelings and add more to the tension that already exists due to our "alternative" parenting. so i have come with 2 solutions for us. the first is to make an amazon wishlist. that way, grandparents can see what books and toys we like, and i feel like this might be helpful as DS gets older to relieve some of the cost of homeschooling if we can get grandparents to help out with books and materials. my second solution is to just let go. i really wish that ds would only be exposed to toys made of natural materials that foster open ended play, but in reality i do not think he will be terribly harmed by occasional plasticky toys. despite my wishlist, the grandparents have already told us what they have gotten him and most of it is stuff we personally would not have chosen. i am just going to let it go. when DS is older, hopefully i can say things like "oh he's really into art" and they will get him art supplies (should work bc DH is an artist, so they have respect for developing those kinds of abilities).


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

We're not plastic free or anything, but I definately prefer real & quality playthings and am much choosier than any of our gifting relatives. There's a lot of stuff I wish we were never given. I *try* to keep at least some things not opened and save them to give to toys for tots if that's possible. And I'll say that my mom, at least, has no expectation that we keep all the toys she gives us forever (melodramatic, yes, but that does seem to be the expectation on the other side of the family







).

I've asked everyone to limit gifts to 2-3 ONLY after our first xmas. We haven't gotten crazy about this 'rule' but it's helped a lot (and in part is cause all the gifting dwarfs her holiday experience with us her parents, which I don't like). When I give suggestions I'm heavy on books and clothes and cd's and other 'useful' items instead of toys. I also make a point to our kiddos that we go through our toys before gifting occasions and give stuff away ALWAYS.

It also helps to know where they (gifting relatives) prefer to shop and make the point of going there to find some things you can suggest. Some places are really more full of plastic character things than you realize and people don't notice a lot of the other things that are there (sports balls, art stuff, often some nice wooden toys, science-toys, games, etc). We've found a few relatives are creatures of habit and won't make the trek to other toy stores with the nicer stuff and won't order things.


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## checklistedmama (Dec 2, 2010)

I totally hear you--some people ask for ideas; others just give what they want to give regardless of what we want...I have found that explaining our preferences falls on deaf ears, and just makes it awkward. I assume that gifts are given with no strings and once it's ours, we can dispose of what we want. For us it's also quantity, because our parents are divorced and remarried, so that's 8 grandparents. Do the math, people! But giving gifts really isn't about us. It's about them. I might mention some ideas, but whatever you get, just do what you need to do after you get the presents. Good luck!


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## landgyrl (Dec 12, 2009)

We can totally relate to all the above posts. I emailed my SIL last year as she wanted to buy DS a plastic swing/slide set for combo bday and xmas and politely explained that we don't want plastic toys, that we'd rather go the park to use a swing etc. and made specific suggestions about what to buy in the price range for the gift she had planned to get. We thought everyone was up to speed, but then when my DH built a sandbox, MIL arrived with plastic bags full of sandbox toys (anybody have any lasting alternatives to these?). Then we thought she was going to get wooden musical instruments for DS for xmas but we exchanged gifts over thanksgiving and voila - plastic. What do you do when you've said it and oh she loves to give oodles of gifts? DH mentioned no gifts for DS bday which is in January since we don't want him to be overloaded for one, but also because he doesn't need more gifts and suggested putting money they wish to spend in a savings account. His sister agreed, but I think my MIL is still going to buy him toys. I'd love to hear how you react to such gifts in the giver's presence without saying what you are thinking!

What about gifts you receive that are ick? I have a hard time purging the new things family gave us with good intentions, DH does not.


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## carmel23 (Jul 21, 2006)

Some people get it, some people don't. It is hard when the kids are big enough to want the toys, and you can't disappear them.

BTW, I think ThredUp has a beta for toy swapping, which might be a good way to send the toys somewhere where they'll be played with...

I hate plastic. Some plastics are better then others, but I don't like it... Our house it tiny, too. so we rotate toys frequently... But they often get very attached to them and its hard to make them go away... y/k?

I've said it over and over to my family and DH's and people still buy whatever they want. Which is fine, I really am thankful for the gifts, and it is the thought that counts, RIGHT?

But I don't want to have to live with toxic plastic because of someone's good intentions...

I don't know the answer... but I am just rambling about it.


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## mommaof3boz (Feb 15, 2006)

I totally understand the want for plastic free, especially with young children. My kids are older now and I wish I had the information I do now when they were little. However, as they get older plastic is going to make it in the door. 10 yr olds don't want play scarves, wooden kitchens, felted food, etc. Even though we are almost out of the toy stage totally, my ten yr old likes play tractors, cars, wagons, etc. Even the nice Ertl ones have plastic on them. Even if I found all metal ones who knows about the paint. Do what you can to limit it but be realistic about it.


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## MissLotus (Nov 2, 2005)

OP, you spoke to your side of the family and they were on board; I would think your husband could do the talking to his side... presumably they know him well enough not to take offense!


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## Makaylamama (Jun 15, 2009)

We prefer toys that are not plastic and don't require batteries as well--my side of the family understands and usually buys things that we like. We have a pretty small house so any toys that I bring into it need to be something that I don't mind looking at! As for my in-laws I have tried subtly hinting, sending them catalogs, and at times being very honest--like the other day when they said they wanted to buy my two year old a TV FOR HER ROOM--not going to happen! Anyways, they continue to buy her expensive, large, plastic, and noisy toys. The clothes they buy for her are also of the obnoxious blinged out style that I cant stand. I consign somethings, and the others I just give away. Some friends have really appreciated some of the things, like a giant plastic baby 'ring' to corral your children in, and a complete 'Teach Your Baby to Read Program'. I know my in-laws are giving these things from a good place in their hearts, so I just feel like I can pay it forward to someone who appreciates it. although, I have yet to run into the "Hey, where is that giant plastic flashy toy we bought?" yet! They don't live nearby so hopefully it wont happen anytime soon!


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## AKislandgirl (Jun 2, 2008)

We are in a similar situation. It's easy for me to explain our desire to be plastic and junk toy free to my folks because they agree! They are into giving one nice thoughtful gift each holiday. This year they are giving DD a wooden barn because they know how much she loves her schleich farm animals. They also knew that we were looking at getting her one but couldn't afford it so they wanted to do it. Dh's family is harder. We were very specific last year about not wanting anything that required batteries and plastic junk. I listened as DH explained this to his mom. What did we get? Plastic junk that required batteries. He told them that we gave it away because we really meant what we said. I believe very strongly that you can't control what others give but you can control what *stays* in your own home! This year my MIL asked for a specific suggestion. DH told her an easel would be great. So she is getting her an easel. Yeah, now we can say that Grandma got you this easel. BUT I can gauruntee that they will also send a box of junk. They can't just give one thing for whatever reason. We will likely donate anything else because it a) doesn't fit in with what we want her to play with and b) we live in a very small house and just don't have the room.

It's hard. For us beyond parents we don't go into it but I do think that it's important for grandparents to at least try to see how their kids are trying to raise their own little ones and try to respect that.


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## Eliotsmum (May 8, 2010)

I dont have an answer, but I do have the problem. My MIL is totally over the top with, well everything, but particularly gift-wise. I LOVE her to pieces, but she loves to shop and the MASSIVE amounts of stuff we have gotten is overwhelming. Particularly as we live overseas - she spends a fortune shipping stuff here. She has cut down though and I've had to hint a lot. This year I made an amazon wishlist and sent it in an e-mail to both sets of grandparents asking that they not buy everything off the list, but here were some choices I thought DS would enjoy, needed, and fit with our values (toys of recycled plastic, ethically made, lots of wooden stuff). She has mostly stuck to the list, but bought nearly everything on it, including 3 sets of wooden cutting fruit. THREE! She has also hinted that they are bringing a lot more and I suspect that some of it is of the plastic noisy kind. And I know that this is too annoy me. But I will just get rid once she's gone. Our house is tiny and everything in it has to be well thought out for it to work.

Maybe sending a link to one of the toxic toys lists would get the point across? Thing is, you can't trust most toy manufacturers - look at all the recalls!


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## Dinosaur_Mommy (Nov 6, 2006)

Common manners dictate that, beyond an Amazon-type wishlist, it's very rude to demand certain conditions from gift-givers unless they ask. Even then, it would be rude to reject a gift or make unreasonable demands based on your personal preferences.

I'm somewhat surprised by a few of these responses. Both my and my husband's families have very traditional approaches to manners. In our families, I would be considered completely lacking class if I made specific demands regarding gift receiving. My mother always told me that if you don't like a gift, thank the giver politely and either return it or donate it without them ever knowing.

On the other hand, if it was a gift that they would expect to see again when they visited, leave it in a closet and haul it out for show when they come so that they know it was appreciated. It is very offensive to the giver to know that their gift was rejected. It's just like saying to them that they have no taste, or that you think you are better than their gift.


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## Anthropolobaby (Dec 8, 2010)

Wow! It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in this issue!

Until now, my husband and I have always just politely accepted the gifts and then discreetly taken them to Good Will.

However, someone posted here that it will be difficult once the child is old enough to understand that their beloved toy has disappeared. It's true. It happened in October for my daughter's 4th birthday.

Someone got her a Barbie makeup kit (of all things for a 4 year old). It was a plastic case chock full of cheap, artificial colors, and chemicals. I personally wear mineral make up (when I wear it at all) and I certainly would never let my 4 year old have free range with a gigantic makeup kit. We actually ended up just throwing it away and for weeks now my daughter has been asking where her precious makeup kit is. I recently spotted the kit at Costco. Bummer. If I had known it came from there, I could have exchanged it for something we approved of.

We have decided to start asking if people would donate to some of our local charities in lieu of a gift. We stated that their presence in our daughter's life is gift enough and that we don't want her to get caught up in the frenzy that consumerism so often causes. Or if they are not comfortable with that, an admission ticket to the children's museum, zoo, science center, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Admission to our local children's museum costs $9.00. What our daughter will gain from that experience versus a plastic, toxic toy (which probably costs the same) is far greater. And of course, we are always open to books and educational materials.

We shall see how it goes over this Christmas.


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## jellybeanmumma (Jun 24, 2010)

Sounds like a pretty common dilemma hey? I'm in a similar position to OP - I've spoken to my family and they're on board - and they know me well enough to know if we don't want it it's gone to charity. I periodically send them links on stuff I think would be useful cause I know my mum will still go overboard so at least it will be on stuff we need. I tried chatting to MIL about it recently as she asked what we wanted - I avoided saying no plastic or junk - I just suggested that since he has heaps of toys and we live so far away maybe zoo tickets or concert tickets or tickets to some place fun because what he really loves is spending time with them and he's too young (17mo) to really "get" the whole gift giving thing. She wasn't really into that idea at all but I think as he gets older she might warm to it. I even told her we'd make trips to see her specifically so they could use the tickets. Oh well. I'm just grateful for whatever we get as she's been amazingly good at accepting my alternative parenting as they are ultra conservative. Such a fine line between honesty/rudeness.gratitude. Good luck everyone!


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## mommaof3boz (Feb 15, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dinosaur_Mommy*
> 
> Common manners dictate that, beyond an Amazon-type wishlist, it's very rude to demand certain conditions from gift-givers unless they ask. Even then, it would be rude to reject a gift or make unreasonable demands based on your personal preferences.
> 
> ...


I guess I get by with being specific because the only presents dh or I get are from our parents. They are totally concerned with buying things we really truely need or want. they hate to shop as much as we do. they prefer to give one great present and some stocking stuffers. I would never consider myself "better than their gift" but if I'm given something I will never ever use, but someone else might, Goodwill it goes. And they know it because thats how we live our life every single day. No extra "stuff" no knicky knacky crap. SO this year my IL's gave me money to have some ceilings painted and the foyer painted. And they gave my a gift cert for my bday so I could go to a shop I love and buy some clothes. No hassle for them and they have the pleasure knowing I got something I really wanted. My house is not a storage closet for stuff I don't want. I have minimal storage the way it is. We have manners and we have people in our lives who know and love us and want to see us happy. They don't give us gifts for their pleasure. Their pleasure comes from our happiness.


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## IntuitiveJamie (Jun 24, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dinosaur_Mommy*
> 
> Common manners dictate that, beyond an Amazon-type wishlist, it's very rude to demand certain conditions from gift-givers unless they ask. Even then, it would be rude to reject a gift or make unreasonable demands based on your personal preferences.
> 
> ...


To each his own. To me environmental values are extremely important. And I will stand up for my beliefs in valuing and caring for our planet. This includes minimizing plastic and toys that are junk and will break easily and end up in the dump. This does not mean being rude to family and friends. I would not approach just anyone and say "only get us this or this". But I have had the "this is what we would prefer" conversation and left it at that. I personally do not value all "traditional manners" I value honesty and the ability to have communication with those closest to me in my life. To be able to have a kind, polite and open conversation about gifts is a non issue for me and those around me. It does not mean we are not polite or caring people. I do not revisit this conversation upon every gift giving experience, but we gently set this up from the get go. It was totally appropriate and has been respected. To me, not respecting another person's values is low class. And judging someone on having an honest conversation that may be appropriate within their circle as such is not any better spirited than telling someone our gift preferences.


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## Eliotsmum (May 8, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dinosaur_Mommy*
> 
> On the other hand, if it was a gift that they would expect to see again when they visited, leave it in a closet and haul it out for show when they come so that they know it was appreciated. It is very offensive to the giver to know that their gift was rejected. It's just like saying to them that they have no taste, or that you think you are better than their gift.


Honestly, if this was an option I would gladly do this. We have a SMALL house and literally no extra storage space at all. So I have to be very particular about the things that stay in my home. I did this with baby clothes for the first year - MIL bought him boxes and boxes of stuff and would go through it all when she came to visit to dress him up. Much of it wasn't my taste, but I kept it because I could and it gives her pleasure to dress him. In the end over HALF was donated with tags still on - we kept maybe 10 percent. I can't bear her to waste so much money, but it is literally so much we can't use it all. And what about the gift-giver respecting your values? I think it does go both ways, but I think it is rude to give a gift that isn't about the reciever at all, but about what you want them to be/have/look like IYSWIM. I guess what I'm saying is that it isn't so black and white IMO.


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## Makaylamama (Jun 15, 2009)

I believe it is completely appropriate to have respectful conversations about the type of toys my family uses and appreciates. Why would anyone want someone to waste tons of money on stuff that is just going to get tossed out?? If you cant be honest with your parents, who can you be honest with? I would never be downright rude when opening a gift--I will certainly teach my children to say thank you and be grateful--but respectfully sharing your beliefs on toys and play is hardly low class or ill-mannered--shesh. Sure, it may be offensive for my in-laws to show up and not see their gift--but it is also offensive to me when they completely ignore my values as a parent. We aren't talking "we only accept gifts from certain stores, or certain price ranges" we are saying "we prefer toys that are non-toxic, encourage little ones imagination, are not harmful to the environment, are not made by children in other countries, and are age appropriate". Don't people register for weddings, baby showers and the like? What is wrong with sharing your preference for toys? We also have a small house and cant keep a collection of toys to pull out when the in-laws are around. When they ask where such and such is, I would tell them that we passed it along to someone who is gladly using it and appreciating their gift--I guarantee that would please anyone who truly has a generous heart.


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## AKislandgirl (Jun 2, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Makaylamama*
> 
> I believe it is completely appropriate to have respectful conversations about the type of toys my family uses and appreciates. Why would anyone want someone to waste tons of money on stuff that is just going to get tossed out?? If you cant be honest with your parents, who can you be honest with? I would never be downright rude when opening a gift--I will certainly teach my children to say thank you and be grateful--but respectfully sharing your beliefs on toys and play is hardly low class or ill-mannered--shesh. Sure, it may be offensive for my in-laws to show up and not see their gift--but it is also offensive to me when they completely ignore my values as a parent. We aren't talking "we only accept gifts from certain stores, or certain price ranges" we are saying "we prefer toys that are non-toxic, encourage little ones imagination, are not harmful to the environment, are not made by children in other countries, and are age appropriate". Don't people register for weddings, baby showers and the like? What is wrong with sharing your preference for toys? We also have a small house and cant keep a collection of toys to pull out when the in-laws are around. When they ask where such and such is, I would tell them that we passed it along to someone who is gladly using it and appreciating their gift--I guarantee that would please anyone who truly has a generous heart.


That was very well said! It's just how I feel.


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## MsBirdie (Apr 29, 2007)

I think a suggestion, especially when talking person to person or over the phone is better than emails sent out becuase a lot can be lost in translation via Emails.

Having said that, we begun telling our family that we would love memberships to zoos, museums, or lessons at various studios (dance, baby signing, etc) and all were very excited. I also made sure to send them pictures throughout the year of DDs enjoying their experiences. Now that they are older, even for birthday parties, when asked, I suggest movie theater gift cards, pottery painting gift cards, or gift cards to craft stores where they can buy yarn, fabric, etc. People learn what your child enjoys over the years. I think some of that tons of plastic junk is just part of a phase around the 1-2 yr mark, we had that. Now the girls mostly get books, board games, and the above mentioned gifts.


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## Zach'smom (Nov 5, 2004)

Luckily both sets of grandparents want very specific lists of what to buy for ds and stick to them. They go for quality over quantity and he always gets gifts that he like and that dh and I approve of. Our problem is birthday party gifts from his friends. If a mom asks me what he would like I tell her a couple of items in a lower price range. But most people don't ask and he ends up with a lot of gifts that normally I would say no to. I can't invite people to a party and tell them what to give my son and I also can't take my ds's birthday gifts away from him.


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## Norabella (Mar 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Zach'smom*
> 
> Luckily both sets of grandparents want very specific lists of what to buy for ds and stick to them. They go for quality over quantity and he always gets gifts that he like and that dh and I approve of. Our problem is birthday party gifts from his friends. If a mom asks me what he would like I tell her a couple of items in a lower price range. But most people don't ask and he ends up with a lot of gifts that normally I would say no to. I can't invite people to a party and tell them what to give my son and I also can't take my ds's birthday gifts away from him.


While you may not feel you can take your DS's gifts one he has received them, you could take a preventative approach. I think it is pretty well accepted now (if not yet Miss Manner's approved) to have a no gift policy for birthday parties. My mom did this when we were kids (when it wasn't a norm even for a fringe of the population), and no one really had a problem with it. Occasionally we would still receive gifts at our parties, but in those cases they were almost all gifts that met our tastes and values, from people who knew us well enough to do so.

I googled the topic before DD's birthday party (2nd B-day, first party) and found several conversations on the no gift theme on various parenting forums. Commonly used approaches were to have the invitation include "your presence is your present" or simply "No gifts, please."


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## LVale (May 4, 2004)

Ok, this is a grandmother asking here. What is wrong with plastic toys? What did you play with as children? I played with Barbie dolls, and Tonka trucks, etc. in the 60's My sons played with Gi Joe's, Thundercats, He-Man, hot wheels, and Mattell cars, and race tracks, and they had the first Atari games in the 80's, oh they also had big wheels, and spirographs, slinkies, legos, and hula hoops, all plastic, and you know what? They had a blast! Were they made in China, guess so, but they would have been utterly bored with play silks and wooden toys. Just look around you today, that computer you have is made of plastic, your car has plastic, I could go on, the bottom line is this, What did you play with as a child? And as a child, the toy you were playing with did it make you happy? Or were you thinking this is made of plastic, this is a really bad thing, can't play with it.


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## mommaof3boz (Feb 15, 2006)

L Vale-basically I feel the same way. When they are past the preschool age play silks and crocheted play foods wont cut it with many kids. Especially if they are in public schools where their friends have plastic toys. We had barbie cars, barbies, baby dolls, Atari, etc just like your kids. I do agree you have to be careful where you purchase the toys because lead in paint isn't well regulated in many countries, which is toxic to children. As young children though, the idea is open ended play which allows for the imagination to grow and I think thats how it should be. We also played outside and made up games and had a blast with nothing but our imaginations. There is a happy medium.


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## Norabella (Mar 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LVale*
> 
> Ok, this is a grandmother asking here. What is wrong with plastic toys? What did you play with as children? I played with Barbie dolls, and Tonka trucks, etc. in the 60's My sons played with Gi Joe's, Thundercats, He-Man, hot wheels, and Mattell cars, and race tracks, and they had the first Atari games in the 80's, oh they also had big wheels, and spirographs, slinkies, legos, and hula hoops, all plastic, and you know what? They had a blast! Were they made in China, guess so, but they would have been utterly bored with play silks and wooden toys. Just look around you today, that computer you have is made of plastic, your car has plastic, I could go on, the bottom line is this, What did you play with as a child? And as a child, the toy you were playing with did it make you happy? Or were you thinking this is made of plastic, this is a really bad thing, can't play with it.


In addition to the environmental and health concerns of plastic toys (which are not insignificant), this article addresses why the shift to plastic, intended use toys, over open-ended, creativity-inspiring things like play silks and blocks is a huge negative developmentally, especially for those kids who are now "bored" with simpler options. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514 If you don't want to take the time to read the article, the synopsis is that the shift from creative/make-believe play has resulted in a big decrease in executive function and self-regulatory skills, such that modern kids are performing at the same level as kids 2 years younger preformed 60 years ago.

The only plastic toys my mom allowed were legos, playmobil and realistic dolls (not Barbies). We had tons of dress-up (thrift store finds and home-made), we had wooden blocks, real wooden doll houses with real wood and fabric furnishings, wood or natural rubber puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, musical instruments (real hand drums as opposed to plastic electronic drums, etc). We had tons of fun, and our friends *loved* to play at our house because of the cool things we had and the imaginative things that we came up with.

Also, the main point illustrated by this thread is that regardless of how a grandparent feels about plastic toys, if the parents of your grandchildren have expressed that avoiding plastic toys (for whatever reason) is *their* parenting preference, that should be respected. And, ignoring that preference, or arguing with it, leads to stress and frustration for the child's parents, tension in the relationship, and likely the continual disposal (through re-gifting, thrifting or trashing) of the gifts that are given in accordance with the grandparent's preferences.


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## MsBirdie (Apr 29, 2007)

For me, it is not the no plastic toys rule for the sake of plastic. They do have some plastic toys , but usually you can find better quality that lasts thru many children if it is made of another material. Also, I like giving money to local crafts people. Finally, the "plastic toys" at the big box chains usually do not engage my children for very long. Both my DDs, preschool and pre teen, may ask for those advertised toys, but once they get them, they are left to rot after the 3rd day. Having said that, my older DD is into the fashion dolls (barbie, LIV). I am ok with that. I played with them. She likes to design outfits for them. But, she does not have 50 of them with their Barbie house . She has a nice wooden house that she has decorated and there is a lot of imaginative play.

I just do not like when my DD ends up with a huge Hannah Montana set and a prostitute make up set. Or my other DD ends up with this plastic monstrocity that can't fit into her room. There are just better choices that do not waste people's money.


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## 4midablemama (Jul 29, 2010)

Is it absolutely impossible to have a happy medium? I'm with the grandma who chimed in; I had Barbies and My Little Ponies and pretend make-up kits (pretend because my parents didn't want to clean up messes, not because they were afraid I was going to grow a third eye) and all kinds of other plastic, non-open ended toys when I was a child. I also had a bicycle that I loved to ride, and a swing set that I loved to play on, and dirt that I loved to dig in, and a teddy bear and a stuffed doll that I absolutely adored that did absolutely nothing other than what I imagined they could. I had birthday parties and Christmases where people gave me gifts; I loved getting presents (what kid doesn't?) but I also knew that Christmas and birthdays were about celebrating the people you love and not what they could give you, because that was what my parents taught me. I am teaching my children the same thing, not by demanding that people only give them things that fit in with my idea of what they should have (and I totally understand limiting things due to lack of space, I have that problem myself) but by teaching them that it's not the gift that counts, it is the time and attention and love that were put into choosing the gift by the person who gave it. I do prefer simpler toys, I really wish that people would give them books and wooden trains and dress-up clothes instead of useless noisemakers that have batteries that have to be constantly replaced, but like most people, I have to pick my battles. To me, this one isn't worth the fight.


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## mooshersmama (Jun 21, 2010)

Honestly, I'd just let it go. You can make suggestions but you can't control what other people give your kids. I personally would let my kids play with the gifts - some plastic "junky" stuff is actually fun for kids! You can always donate it, as well. My FIL included a plastic gun in DD's stocking - that just went right into the trash, but I didn't feel the need to lecture him on appropriate gifts.

I truly do not understand the whole "open ended toy" thing. My daughter plays with her "single use" toys in all sorts of ways. The plastic princess barbie phone becomes a bed, or a car, or gets wrapped in a blanket to be her baby. I am certain she is not unique in this regard. A kid can play just as well with a plastic Barbie house as with a wooden one. Sometimes I feel we get into this weird power struggle about what toys enter our homes, under the guise of not wanting people to waste their money, but it is really about control. These are toys, they're supposed to be fun!

ETA - this sounds really scattered upon rereading. Long story short, let it go, life's too short!


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

The grandparents are relatively good at getting good gifts for the most part. My dad and uncle made dd a huge wooden waldorf style dollhouse that is an arcitectural replica of our own home (my dad's an architect and he's going to start a business doing this! They're reaaly just amazing). However, we went 5 years without any Barbies/Moxie Girls/whatever the latest trend is, but she was given a Barbie by a cousin and she was THRILLED.

Of all her super awesome presents, that's pretty much the first one she'll talk about. Go figure. I find the idea of her playing with and adult female who is too skinny and wearing too much make-up and not enough clothing (if any) is a bit creepy and way too shallow and against pretty much all I stand for, but then at the same time that's where she is right now. I get so frustrated at dd because she's all into dressing fancy and wearing make-up and high heels and jewelery and that is not at all me. We get into more arguments over "you can't wear fancy shoes that are a few sizes too big in a snow storm". She is homeschooled and pretty much mostly in contact with other Mothering families and until this point only had Kathe Kruse dollhouse dolls, so I'm starting to think that letting her have it and leaving it alone might be the best bet. If you think about it, many of us probably grew up with Barbies and still have pretty good outlooks. I guess we'll see how it goes...


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## 3.14_Opal (Aug 27, 2006)

We've always been honest with what we don't want- no characters, *nothing* that takes batteries, no latest toy trend. My parents, while not happy about it, usually stay within limits. Our daughter is their only grandchild, so she is spoiled and comes home with tons of stuff sometimes, but we send it right back to their house. My husbands parents do not listen at all. They live at Walmart, they over shop, and are semi-recovering hoarders. For DD's 5th birthday (in Nov), we asked for dress up items for her and her best friend, since they love playing dress up together. We asked for pirate, fairy, king/queen items; gender neutral, no characters. They bring over a huge trunk of Disney Princess dress up. So, they half listened. We would have taken it back, but FIL opened it up and showed her everything. For Christmas, they gave the same gift to two of their other granddaughters, and had they asked if Piper liked hers, I would have said we donated it, since we don't keep those kind of items in our house. Will they listen? No. But at least they know and understand they are giving to charity.







Right now, we have a big bag to donate to charity.


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## Cheryl313 (Nov 9, 2007)

My kids always get tons of "stuff". Regardless of what it is, it's too much. I've started encouraging people to get them trips and activities as gifts. I explain that most of my most beloved memories of my childhood is the time I spent doing different things and going different places and getting to know my family members better. This year my son got a skiing trip and snow boarding lessons for Christmas. For his birthday, he got a 6 week pottery class. My daughter got a membership to our local YMCA and a gymnastics class for her birthday. Since the membership is good for one year, another family member got her a dance class for Christmas. For Easter, she'll get swim lessons. Her Aunt is giving her and her cousin a day at an inflatable bounce center together. You get the idea. I always keep an eye out for these different activities so I have ideas to give people.

They still get too much stuff. I buy them healthy creative toys. I tried giving my mother-in-law a catalog that came in the mail this year for ideas. It didn't work, but it might work for someone else.

Another thing my mother does, is she determines how much money she wants to spend on them. She then spends some of it on stuff and puts the rest into a bank account for them. The plan is that they will be able to use that money for a car or college when they are older.

While I'm not a fan of the plastic junk, I'm not going to upset my children by refusing to let them have their Christmas presents. I personally think that would be more damaging to them. But I do clean out our entire house at least once a year and have a yard sale and donate to charity. Of course at that point most of the junk toys go and the good ones remain. Over time the ratio of junk to quality is improving.


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

Just to play devil's advocate for a minute... I believe consumerism can happen in either direction and just because something is well known and plastic doesn't make it any less of a positive play thing. I too, struggle with wanting chunky wooden toys made of natural materials, but my daughter plays the same with the wooden natural dollhouse dolls as she does with the littlest petshop plastic toys someone gave her. I dislike those toys because of the small pieces (to get lost and the possible choking hazard), the impact on the environment (how many broken barbies are in landfills? plus who knows what will be a commonly known carcinogen in 15 years that is now in every children's toy) and the clutter in our house (and let's face it, I love the look of the wooden stuff). However, I allow myself to have certain items, I should honor my daughter with the same respect. Besides, explaining the Waldorf theory to her and trying to convince her to toss her plastic toys didn't go over too well. But let's be honest, if Barbie was a $95 doll only sold through a few exclusive natural parenting stores and no one knew what it was, we might be a lot more likely to grab our daughters a Barbie. I can recognize my own distaste for the mainstream


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## mooshersmama (Jun 21, 2010)

I agree with all of this, esp the bolded!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *haleyelianasmom*
> 
> Just to play devil's advocate for a minute... I believe consumerism can happen in either direction and just because something is well known and plastic doesn't make it any less of a positive play thing. I too, struggle with wanting chunky wooden toys made of natural materials, but my daughter plays the same with the wooden natural dollhouse dolls as she does with the littlest petshop plastic toys someone gave her. I dislike those toys because of the small pieces (to get lost and the possible choking hazard), the impact on the environment (how many broken barbies are in landfills? plus who knows what will be a commonly known carcinogen in 15 years that is now in every children's toy) and the clutter in our house (and let's face it, I love the look of the wooden stuff). However, I allow myself to have certain items, I should honor my daughter with the same respect. Besides, explaining the Waldorf theory to her and trying to convince her to toss her plastic toys didn't go over too well. *But let's be honest, if Barbie was a $95 doll only sold through a few exclusive natural parenting stores and no one knew what it was, we might be a lot more likely to grab our daughters a Barbie. I can recognize my own distaste for the mainstream *


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## goinggreengirl (Nov 7, 2009)

My mom loves to buy the noisy, light up type toys. I kind of resolved myself to getting one but she got him THREE! So, I'm returning one to exchange. DS prefers his crocheted toys, cloth books or wooden toys that he can chew on right now. My sister also got him a hideous ball that talks (like super annoying talking and telling him to throw, catch, share, etc.) and DH took it out of the box to pack it so now we can't return that one. I may just take the motor out of it and let it be a cloth ball he can roll and play with. I think next year I'll make him an Amazon wishlist and ask for them to get similar type things. I'm okay with plastic- but the music, lights, flashing and computer type stuff is unnecessary!


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## HeckedyPeg (May 15, 2010)

Thank you for starting this thread, I've been having these issues too!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *zoebird*
> 
> but the reality is, the object *is not* their love. it is how they are *expressing* their love. Thing is, objects are not my love language. Getting a ton of objects that i do not want, that i feel that i have to hold on to because it is how they chose to express their love, actually really frustrates and upsets me. The object does not communicate love to me, instead if communicates "You are not listening to what i want or need for myself; you do not value me for the way i am and how i want to live, and by buying these objects that i do not want, and effectively foisting them on me, you are forcing me to live the way that you want me to, not the way that i want to."


^^ This is exactly how I feel!

My moms side of the family does the Amazon wishlist thing, so this year (DS's first holiday season) they all chose things from that list, and my dad's family gave books and clothes. DH's family is totally different. I have said from the beginning we want to do avoid plastics and focus on wooden toys, cloth, etc and MIL (who works with special needs kids and has an entire room in her house full of plastic toys, many of which are old and nasty) responds with "well, wood is great, but most of the time they're using questionable paints, blah blah" and then bought DS this plastic penguin toy, it blows up and it's meant to be knocked over and bounces up again. It's the same size he is and it terrifies him! she also got him some off brand bath toys that smell of chemicals. DH has the attitude that we can't get rid of stuff because it will hurt feelings and he doesn't think it's that big of a deal anyway. DS is not the first grandchild either, so that makes it harder, because none of his cousins have had any kind of restrictions on toys (though my SIL is labeled "overprotective" and there are certainly things we can't say in front of her daughters. Everyone respects this, but they don't care about my preferences for DS! argh.)


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## agirlnamedsuess (Nov 15, 2010)

Personally, if your needs were made strongly known, then they still gave an offensive gift (plastic or whatever), then I would thank them for the gift and what a wonderful thought, but then immediately remind them of your strict rules regarding plastic or whatever the rules were and say, "I hope you are not offended since we let you know in advance about our wishes. I hope you understand we need to exchange the item for something we prefer for Johnny to have. I am sure you understand." Then if they still get offended or upset, then YOU have to remind YOURSELF that you are NOT responsible for their feelings. People own their own feelings.

Susan


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## kashby (Aug 8, 2009)

I would like to offer a different opinion. What a toy is made out of isn't important to me. What is important is 1. my child will play with the toy and 2. the toy is well-made. I pay attention to my childrens needs and interests, and research the toys and companies that I buy from. If I bought my kids a bunch of eco-friendly toys, they simply would not play with them and I think this would be just as wasteful.

In my experience, babies don't play with toys much, and it's very easy to limit the number of toys, and only have toys made out of certain materials. When a child gets older, I think it's best to be flexible and consider what their needs are. My son only played with trucks as a toddler and I very rarely bought toys for him other than ones I found at thrift stores. He's 5 now and almost exclusively plays with Legos. He assembles Lego sets by himself that are at an age 8 level and then plays imaginary scenarios with them. They are also good for his fine motor skills, which he is behind in. Legos are a creative, brain-building toy and I don't think it would be in my son's best interest to not let him have them because they are made out of plastic.

For the most part, though, I hate most of the toys at Target, Toys R Us, etc.. I think they aren't creative and most are very cheaply made. At Christmastime I search for well-made, well-reviewed toys online. One of our favorite companies is Blue Orange Games. Their games are creative, made out of wood, and they plant a tree for every game they make. Our favorites are Bendominos and Gobblet, Jr. Another great company is forsmallhands.com. They are a Montessori store that specializes in kid-sized toys and tools. For Christmas my daughter got a kid-sized broom and a dustpan made out of recycled plastic, and my son loves helping shovel snow with the kid-sized snow shovel I got for him. They carry great kitchen and garden tools too.

I'm lucky that my relatives ask for suggestions from me. Being able to recommend gifts to family members depends on your relationships with your family. In many instances, it might be better to accept that people have different values than you and let it go.


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## rere (Apr 21, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mooshersmama*
> 
> Honestly, I'd just let it go. You can make suggestions but you can't control what other people give your kids. I personally would let my kids play with the gifts - some plastic "junky" stuff is actually fun for kids! You can always donate it, as well. My FIL included a plastic gun in DD's stocking - that just went right into the trash, but I didn't feel the need to lecture him on appropriate gifts.
> 
> ...


So the gun went in the trash because you didn't think it was appropriate.But what if throwing that gun(or any other toy you might find inappropriate) in the trash was absolutely going to break your daughter's heart?Is it better to break a kid's heart or ask adults not to give your kids inappropriate toys?


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## mooshersmama (Jun 21, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rere*
> 
> So the gun went in the trash because you didn't think it was appropriate.But what if throwing that gun(or any other toy you might find inappropriate) in the trash was absolutely going to break your daughter's heart?Is it better to break a kid's heart or ask adults not to give your kids inappropriate toys?


Hm, I'd probably let her have it. However, I think there's a difference between asking for no guns and having a blanket ban on plastic junky toys.


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## mooshersmama (Jun 21, 2010)

What I really mean is that family harmony is more important to me than having the right toys. If dd gets a gift I don't want for her and I can get rid of it, I will. If not, oh well.


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

I'm strugging w/ this right now too. We got the boys a (IMO) reasonable amount of gifts. MIL? Went overboard. Like, we went to see them in columbus and everything almost didn't fit in our freaking car! Half of it is unopened still-in-the-box, and I for one am *VERY* tempted to return it. I'm certainly not going to just give it all to them right now. Definetly not. All the unopened stuff is going in the basement for now, and we'll see after that. Much of the rest of it will be dissapearing here shortly, to the resale store or goodwill.


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## Faither (Oct 27, 2009)

DH and I discussed things after this years holiday gift giving debacle. Next year we will ask the immediate family to give DD one or two books, clothes or toys and to take her on an "adventure". One of my aunts did that for me from when I was about 10 til 17 or so, and those days are still some of my favorite memories. And we will be making an Amazon wishlist for the extended family because they all asked us anyway. We try very hard to keep the plastic stuff out of our house, but after DD opened one particularly annoying present and LOVED IT we decided to keep it. It's a pink princess ride on toy that plays the most annoying music. But she loves it. That relative will most likely never be at our house but I'm not going to toss it since DD likes it so much. Another relative "helped" DD open her gift Christmas afternoon and said "wow that makes the most annoying sound ever!" Since we can't return it and DD could care less about it, we will be donating it (I saved the box for this reason). But if she had liked it, I probably would have kept it too.

I think it's a pick your battles game. You can ask for what you'd rather your child to have, but just be prepared not to get it. (O and then to get the exact opposite and your child to love it and then you feel bad for getting rid of it.)


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## agirlnamedsuess (Nov 15, 2010)

When you have children with autism in your family, you have to be mindful of what toys are made of (BPA's in plastics or harnful metals from CHINA, for example). Toys are mouthed by most small children.

We are mindful of not only which toys are brought into our home, but also what dishes, silverware, and pots/pans we use.

With the rising rates of autism now being an estimated 1 in 25 in the USA (the old rates were 1 in 94 three years ago) today, then I think parents should be watching what comes into their home.

We also watch what chemicals we use in and around our house.

Susan


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## Cheryl313 (Nov 9, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *agirlnamedsuess*
> 
> When you have children with autism in your family, you have to be mindful of what toys are made of (BPA's in plastics or harnful metals from CHINA, for example). Toys are mouthed by most small children.
> 
> ...


You make an excellent point. I think when your children are at an age where they are putting things in their mouth, what their toys are made out of is more important then when they are older. This also means they are young enough to not notice when you get rid of something. As they get older, I think the risk of them playing with the plastic toys is a bit reduced and can warrant some more balance between your preferences, family relations and your child's preference. I also think the cleaning products, laundry detergent, food choices and food storage systems are going to make a much larger impact on the health of your children then a handful of plastic toys.


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## averysmomma05 (Feb 28, 2007)

We are very strict about what comes into our home after my youngest had lead poisoning in March of this year. We had to get rid of all her toys, go through our house,etc and still wasn't sure what caused it. So, for now we don't allow anything made in China or plastic into our home. My family knows that if they give her those things they will go out the door.


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## haleyelianasmom (Nov 5, 2005)

I think some of our new stuff might go into the garage soon. I do dislike clutter. Even worse, the family member who brought a TON of gifts for my kids was the same family member who comments at least once every time she visits that we have TOO MUCH STUFF. This past time she made a comment about us having too much stuff at least twice. Says the person who has more than twice the square footage with half the people living there. Then give savings bonds. Just sayin'...


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## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

Our extended family gave an insane amt of gifts. Anything that the kids set aside w/o opening the box the first day is getting returned or goodwilled. ie an entire garbage bag full.


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## agirlnamedsuess (Nov 15, 2010)

I know a family that won't buy Barbie or never let their girls play with Barbie because they feel it is degrading to women and paints a picture in little girls heads that a female should have a *perfect* body. (Similar to the way magazine models are portrayed theory).


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## agirlnamedsuess (Nov 15, 2010)

With the state of the economy (now) savings bonds or saver cd's may not be the best option, but cash always works. That said, kids want a *gift* and something tangible. Maybe well-meaning relatives can take your child somewhere special and do something with them (amusement park, ?) Time is a gift t hat cannot be returned and will always be remembered. IMHO


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## 3.14_Opal (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *agirlnamedsuess* 


> *Time is a gift t hat cannot be returned and will always be remembered*. IMHO


Yes. That. Exactly that.

I think if instead of gifts people gave time, there would be SO much less giving. People think they show love by giving, giving, giving.


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## HeckedyPeg (May 15, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *agirlnamedsuess*
> 
> I know a family that won't buy Barbie or never let their girls play with Barbie because they feel it is degrading to women and paints a picture in little girls heads that a female should have a *perfect* body. (Similar to the way magazine models are portrayed theory).


I know a lot of people feel this way, but I played with Barbies for YEARS and I've never had any of those issues. Neither did my friends who played with Barbies. Now, I'm not saying that maybe Barbie shouldn't get a more realistic makeover, but I think there are a lot of other factors that play into developing body image. My stepmom is always talking crap to me (STILL!) and my younger sisters about our weight; I kind of blew it off but I can see it's affected my half-sisters very deeply.

(Sorry, that was kind of OT.)


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## landgyrl (Dec 12, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *agirlnamedsuess*
> 
> With the state of the economy (now) savings bonds or saver cd's may not be the best option, but cash always works. That said, kids want a *gift* and something tangible. Maybe well-meaning relatives can take your child somewhere special and do something with them (amusement park, ?) Time is a gift t hat cannot be returned and will always be remembered. IMHO


 We specifically ask for 'experience' gifts for our DS...the best gifts are certainly not tangible and until a certain age, how would they know they didn't receive anything from so-and-so? We are constantly questioning all these occasions where gifts are expected and received before DS (almost 2) gets to the age of expecting things.

In line with this thread...we received two plactic made in china gifts this week after we were asked for a list of recommendations for DS. Although we can get away with exchanging them (which we did today) because we don't have family in town, I can imagine it being awkward if you do. The thing that bugs me as much as getting the crap is that retailers are making oodles from things we don't want/ need. For one of our returns, we received a $13 in store credit. The toy was put back on the shelf for $26 five minutes later. I feel bad for the money the relative wasted and furious because we never shop for DS unless it's second hand as we can't afford to, and here you have big business eating it up. ARGH!


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## Dessirey (Apr 4, 2006)

I do the same - keep most of the mailed toys and either re-gift or donate or take to a re-sale shop and then buy clothes for the kids with the $ I make...


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