# Dad Spanks Mom Doesn't and Visa a Versa



## Neth Naneth (Aug 11, 2006)

I think I have seen this on this forum from time to time but I am just wondering. Is it me or do you know a lot of people where Mom isn't a spanker but Dad is or vise a versa. They disagree on who is right about discipline but continue to allow the other to spank. Am I the only one who sees this a lot?


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## superlori (Nov 28, 2006)

This could easily become the situation with me and my husband. Our daughter is just a few weeks old so it hasn't become an issue yet, but I really don't like the idea of spanking, even though I was spanked when I was little and don't have any issues resulting from it, but my husband definitely believes 'spare the rod, spoil the child'. We feel so differently about it, but I don't think we're anywhere close to coming to an agreement. So what to do in this predicament? I don't know. Parents disciplining the children so differently can't be very positive, but neither of us are terribly close to a compromise.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

We have that going on in our house right now. I refuse to spank, and DH, at one point , used that as a primary method of discipline. I threatened to leave and also threatened that if he didn't quit the spanking I would get a judge to court order that he go to parenting classes too. this caught his attention. I told him that I was not going to outright ban him from spanking, and that if he really felt he needed to do it to get DS's attention on a serious issue, that I wasn't going to support him but I wasn't going to throw the proverbial frying pan at his head either, but that there had to be a hierarchy of discipline in place. DH was spanking over every frigging little thing and it was so harmful and stupid it was unbelievable. He now does a much better job of implementing a wide range of techniques to deal with any behaviors that pop up. I honestly think that DH simply did not know how to redirect and such. All he knew how to do was hit because that's the only form of discipline he got as a child. Anyway, it's not ideal, I would prefer a spanking ban and I am hoping we can eventually get there, but so far it is going OK and as far as I know DH hasn't spanked DS in some time.

Namaste,

Michelle


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## CrazyCatLady (Aug 17, 2004)

That's got to be very confusing for a child. I could also see that ending up with a kid favoring one parent over the other. I guess I just don't understand. Hitting is one of those "over my dead body" types of scenerios.

Yes I have seen it happen a lot though.


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## ^guest^ (Jul 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wytchywoman* 
We have that going on in our house right now. I refuse to spank, and DH, at one point , used that as a primary method of discipline. I threatened to leave and also threatened that if he didn't quit the spanking I would get a judge to court order that he go to parenting classes too. this caught his attention. I told him that I was not going to outright ban him from spanking, and that if he really felt he needed to do it to get DS's attention on a serious issue, that I wasn't going to support him but I wasn't going to throw the proverbial frying pan at his head either, but that there had to be a hierarchy of discipline in place. DH was spanking over every frigging little thing and it was so harmful and stupid it was unbelievable. He now does a much better job of implementing a wide range of techniques to deal with any behaviors that pop up. I honestly think that DH simply did not know how to redirect and such. All he knew how to do was hit because that's the only form of discipline he got as a child. Anyway, it's not ideal, I would prefer a spanking ban and I am hoping we can eventually get there, but so far it is going OK and as far as I know DH hasn't spanked DS in some time.

Namaste,

Michelle

So smart! My husband isn't quite a spanker, though I think sometimes he would if he didn't think he was going to get the evil eye and a long talk from me. I can't remember who said this, but it was on MDC. Basically, if you explain to them that there's a discipline "ladder", with spanking being the top, last resort rung, and you put enough steps in between, spanking will never actually be reached. Genius, to me


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Over my dead body will anyone spank my child. It's not an option, period.

I do understand being far apart on parenting issues. When I met my current DP several years ago, he was of the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality. I started educating him .. sent emails, made him watch Unconditional Parenting and also let him watch me in action. We had several pretty big discussions about it and in the end, it really just took educating him. When you know better, you do better, kwim? And now he thanks me, and says he's a better person, better father for learning and putting GD to use. It can be a long road to educate and make someone else come around to the GD side .. but it's very possible!


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

*I* make decisions about the children, DH agrees with and follows everything. He was raised in a spanking home (not like some, but a smack here and there type of thing) and he always just thought that's what you do. I never really thought about it much as I couldn't imagine hitting anyone.

He sees the results of a gentle home now, and agrees that I set the tone in the family. Now he is the one sometimes to tell me to take a few minutes because I seem to be getting stressed or whatever. We rely on each other ,I can't imagine raising kids on different pages


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Neoma* 
So smart! My husband isn't quite a spanker, though I think sometimes he would if he didn't think he was going to get the evil eye and a long talk from me. I can't remember who said this, but it was on MDC. Basically, if you explain to them that there's a discipline "ladder", with spanking being the top, last resort rung, and you put enough steps in between, spanking will never actually be reached. Genius, to me









Yup!!!!! There are some people, and DH unfortunately is one of them, who will never, ever be convinced of the harm spanking causes. He is a wonderful father and my DS loves and adores him, which is why I was even willing to try and work through this issue with him. Instead of telling him outright not to spank, I simply convinced him that there were many other things he could use that would be more effective. Once he saw the positive results he was sold. But if I had tried to approach him with a "no spanking, never do it or I'll k*ck your ass" stance, he would have done nothing more than dig his heels in and spank even more. Like I said, I really, really wish I could get him to commit to never spanking again, but I really don't think he will.He is almost 60, so he grew up strongly indoctrinated into a culture of children getting their fannies beat for everything they did wrong.

Namaste,

Michelle


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