# Would You Let Your 10 yo Have a Facebook Account?



## Eyelet (Feb 9, 2009)

Hey everyone - My 10 year old son has asked for his own facebook account, because supposedly all of his friends have one (which kind of surprises me). I'm just curious how other parents feel about this! TIA!









P.S. - Just so you know my answer, I told him I felt he was too young for his own account and that we'll discuss it again in a few more years. Though honestly, absolutely no judgment to those that are ok with it.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Considering my 6 yr old does...yes with constraints. I have the password I check it almost daily I approve all friend requests I sent the security settings

My bet is most friends do. Nathan has many 6-12 yr old friends on his account ALL of which I personally know


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## mum4vr (Jan 31, 2007)

My answer is absolutely NO, and here's why:

FB says no one under 13 years old can have his or her own account, so it would require deceit. I NEVER allow my children to lie or in any other way practice deceit-- it is a road we simply will not go down if we can possibly avoid it.

Another note-- my almost 17 yo also does not have one. He is fine having IRL relationships with his friends and is not so peer-dependant that he feels he simply must do what the others do.

And a final note-- I nearly canceled my own account recently (but decided instead to change my screen name and make all photos of myself and children visible to only myself) after an extremely creepy stalker on a sex offender registry tried to infiltrate my circle of friends, asking about me (I do appear rather young) and also eventually about my children. Creepy!

blessings


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## sagewinna (Nov 19, 2001)

My oldest was 14 or 15 when we ok'd Facebook.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

yes. My oldest was 10 when she got her account. A couple of her friends had them already & now(she's 11) almost all of them do. I know quite a few kids in thier school who are 9-10 who have accounts.

She knows she can only add friends who she knows. She knows I check her facebook periodically. She knows if there's anything I feel is inappropriate it can be taken away. I'm FB friends with alot of her friends too.


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## 4Blessings (Feb 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mum4vr* 
My answer is absolutely NO, and here's why:

FB says no one under 13 years old can have his or her own account, so it would require deceit. I NEVER allow my children to lie or in any other way practice deceit-- it is a road we simply will not go down if we can possibly avoid it.



Well said.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I voted not sure. My DD is 9, and hasn't really shown an interest in having a FB account. She asked once how old you had to be, and I told her the rules said 13 - and she said, "cool, I thought you had to be like 16 or something."

So, for now, she doesn't seem to care about it. I will reasses it if she asks at another point.

I do know people who's kids have accounts as young as 8, but they limit them so they can only play the games and maybe chat with grandma. I don't see the harm if it's in such a controlled way, yk? It did kinda bug me for a min. when my friend's 9 yo DS sent me a friend request, b/c I was worried about posting something about needed money to be the tooth fairy, or whatever, but she said it was her adding selective friends for him, and that he doesn't see people's statuses anyhow.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mum4vr* 

And a final note-- I nearly canceled my own account recently (but decided instead to change my screen name and make all photos of myself and children visible to only myself) after an extremely creepy stalker on a sex offender registry tried to infiltrate my circle of friends, asking about me (I do appear rather young) and also eventually about my children. Creepy!


Yikes! That's scary.


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## Earthy Mama (Jun 4, 2004)

Nope. She made one behind my back at a friend's house. I also don't necc. trust her judgement in discretion and privacy. She's 11.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

Nope. For simply the reason that I would have to condone a lie were I to allow it.
I'm not too concerned about the creepy stalker issue. My older kids have fb accounts and know how to stay safe online just like they know how to stay safe on the street.


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## VillageMom6 (Dec 2, 2008)

I'd vote if you had an "Aw, HELL no!" option.









I think that little good can come from a teen having a Facebook account. And a 10 year old will be a teen before you know it.

Plus, if even _Facebook_ says you have to be 13 then I know that I'm likely more protective than they are.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mum4vr* 
My answer is absolutely NO, and here's why:

FB says no one under 13 years old can have his or her own account, so it would require deceit. I NEVER allow my children to lie or in any other way practice deceit-- it is a road we simply will not go down if we can possibly avoid it.


My reasoning exactly. If I wasn't familiar with FB rules, then I would let a child of any age attempt to make a new account, being present to make sure that the child entered his or her age accurately (other than having the birthday a day or two off for security reasons.) Then, if the website declined it because the child was too young, that's that.

I had no problem getting Hotmail accounts for my children when they were under 13- I beleive I got the girls' accounts at the same time when they were about 9 and 10, and I got one for DS when he was about 5 or 6 and was capable of reading his own email. My nephew had his own account as an infant. But that's not breaking Hotmail's rules, so I'm OK with that.

If either of my teenagers wanted an FB account, I'd let them, making sure we "friended" each other. If DS wants an account, the answer is "when you turn 13." I do post the occasional message from him on my wall (such as "DS says woof").

I really don't have a problem with a child having a FB account in and of itself- it's easy enough for me to monitor my kids' computer use and control what information goes into their profiles. But I won't have them lying.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

No, for two reasons.

First, because facebook itself requires users to be 13.

Second, because a lot of the quizzes and apps are inappropriate for a 10 yo, imo. My 11 yo niece has facebook, and often "likes" groups, bumperstickers, and things that are WAY too sexual in nature for a child. I'm not sure how much she gets it, and I'm hoping it mostly goes over her head


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Absolutely not. It's against the rules, and I think the world is a confusing enough place for kids to learn to navigate morality without adults muddying the waters by telling them it's OK to lie.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Yes. I really don't care about the "rules" online honestly..flame away if you must, but Facebook has no real way of enforcing it, and I think it should be up to the parents anyway. My daughter (ten in a month and a half) has one, but I have the password, and have to approve her friends. She knows I read through it every once in awhile to make sure all is well.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

I would. I'm not all that fussed about breaking rules based on age discrimination, which I think is wrong anyway, so that part wouldn't bother me. I'm also savvy enough to help my child adjust the settings so that she doesn't have to deal with weird people trying to friend her or anything like that.

For us, facebook has been a nice tool for keeping in touch with people...


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## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

My kids all have accounts. My youngest has his set to "friends only" so only his friends can see his posts and pictures and he doesn't accept friend requests from anyone he doesn't already know. It's been a nice way for him to chat and keep up with friends who are out of state. It's also easy for them to share videos or stories of interest through links. And there's an online game that he plays with some of his friends through the site.

We haven't encountered any negatives.


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## Eyelet (Feb 9, 2009)

Thank you so much guys for the many good points on both sides of argument!







Much to think about!


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## TanyaS (Jun 24, 2003)

I'm not concerned about the rules, either. My son has had a FB account for about a year or so. He wanted one to play scrabble and a couple of games online with me. He has a handful of friends, most are my friends or relatives. None of his friends are on FB yet. I keep an eye on it. At this point he is not even interested in using FB as a social tool. He just likes to play a couple of games a few times a week. His security settings are VERY tight and I have to log in every time FB changes things to make sure he is still secure. He has a photo of hot wheels for a profile pic and no other pics.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VillageMom6* 
I'd vote if you had an "Aw, HELL no!" option.









I think that little good can come from a teen having a Facebook account. And a 10 year old will be a teen before you know it.

Plus, if even _Facebook_ says you have to be 13 then I know that I'm likely more protective than they are.

This, exactly.


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## doulatara (Jun 20, 2006)

No. My daughter is ten, and I have told her when she is thirteen if she is interested she can join, but we will have to come up with age-appropriate guidelines at that time and all of her privacy settings have to be set on "friends only." I am unsure if I will require her to give me the password, if I will require her to my friend (if not then definitely she will need to befriend some of the trusted adults in our life; aunts, other relatives or some of my best friends.) I figure I still have awhile to get that worked out.

Several of dd's friends are on facebook, and I am friends with a few. They have only reaffirmed my feelings that a ten year old should not have an account. I have seen very inappropriate status updates, too much personal info and info on where they can be found on a day to day basis, inappropriate photos, (several of them have very sexualized photos of themselves from a recent group trip to a water park,) and some friends of dd have public profiles that anyone can see. My daughter and I have viewed their profiles together a few times, and I go through and show her what is inappropriate and explain why...in hopes that my daughter will have the tools to protect her online identity when she gets a bit older.


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## myjo (Feb 14, 2004)

Ds did have a facebook account, but we deactivated it, so I voted other. I don't have facebook anymore either. We just felt that it was getting to be too much. It was causing problems between friends, sucking too much time, and I began to feel uncomfortable about privacy issues. He wasn't even upset about it, he totally understood why, especially since his Dad and I both deactivated our accounts at the same time.


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## joycenjackiesmom (Sep 4, 2004)

I recently helped my 11 year old open an account--with all settings on either "only me" or "friends only", I have her password and she is friends with me--I also did not allow her to post a profile picture of herself--she put a picture of one of our pets which her real life friends will recognize connected with her name but no one else. I had planned on making her wait (more because she didn't have any real reason to be on facebook rather than the age--to me that should be a parent decision) but her best friend has gone on an 8 week trip to Europe and Africa and facebook has allowed them to keep in touch with each other (a real reason to be on facebook). I was surprised at how many friends her age--and younger--were already on.


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## azmo (Jul 8, 2010)

Yes. If you say no, they will create it elsewhere. Just tell them not to post pictures about themselves and it should be okay. You can check the account if needed.


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## VillageMom6 (Dec 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *azmo* 
Yes. If you say no, they will create it elsewhere.

That's just simply not true. But I hear that rationalization all the time for all sorts of parenting decisions.

Many children obey their parents... especially if they are given a reason _why_ mom and dad feel the way they do.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VillageMom6* 
That's just simply not true. But I hear that rationalization all the time for all sorts of parenting decisions.

Many children obey their parents... especially if they are given a reason _why_ mom and dad feel the way they do.

I agree completely. Making parenting decisions because you figure they won't listen anyway is ridiculous. I expect my children to respect my decisions, and usually they do.


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## nola79 (Jun 21, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VillageMom6* 
I'd vote if you had an "Aw, HELL no!" option.









I think that little good can come from a teen having a Facebook account. And a 10 year old will be a teen before you know it.

Plus, if even _Facebook_ says you have to be 13 then I know that I'm likely more protective than they are.

This. My son will be 8 in a couple months, but I wouldn't let him have one now, and I doubt I'll change my mind in 2 years.


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

I voted maybe, but I think if my dd1 (9) wanted one we would probably let her. She sees DH and me play Lexulous (Scrabble like game) all the time. We're FB friends with her teachers and wish them Happy Birthday, etc. DH is involved with computer security professionally so all jillion of our computers are very secure. I would ask her to ask before she did a quiz or game to make sure the app was secure and, of course, her privacy settings would be tightly monitored. I actually think it would be better to walk her through a site like FB with the security concerns and help her understand what's "safe" on the internet and what's not at this age than have her figure it all out on her own when she's 13/14/15. I think FB can be a very safe space if you're safe about it. You're interacting with real people you know. I wouldn't allow "friends of friends" to view photos, etc.

Our FB friends are way past the partying and sexual innuendo stage and dd1's aren't there yet so now actually might be the best time for her to get an account. She's shown no interest, though, and I'm not one to push technology/media at all, other than good old paper books, so I think she'll be FB free for awhile. She's a very open kid, and horrible at keeping secrets so I'm not concerned about her being sneaky on FB.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

no way


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## 3 little birds (Nov 19, 2001)

No, because it involves an unnecessary lie and even having my own fb page creeps me out a little. My twins have asked because my 11 year old niece has one but I told them that you are supposed to be 13 and they were cool with that.


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## mama1803 (Mar 4, 2008)

Definitely not. I just can't imagine what good could come of a child so young having an online presence.


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## JavaJunkie (Jan 16, 2009)

My oldest is 13 and does not have a FB account. He asked back when he was 12 and I told him no, because he was too young. Then his dad and I talked to him about the ramifications of being online as he gets older. We stressed the point that once it's out there, it's out there forever. That there is no way to ever truly delete anything. He has decided that he doesn't want a FB account for now.


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## mama1803 (Mar 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3 little birds* 
and even having my own fb page creeps me out a little.

I was so glad to read this because I feel this way too. I never understood the appeal of FB, to be honest. I've seen what some choose to share online and I personally would never be comfortable exposing that much of my personal life online for strangers to view.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *joycenjackiesmom* 
her best friend has gone on an 8 week trip to Europe and Africa and facebook has allowed them to keep in touch with each other (a real reason to be on facebook).

If they have time to get online, they can keep in touch via email.


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## Gypsymama22girls (Sep 23, 2007)

I just signed my 11 yr old up yesterday. She has very strict rules about using it but it is something good for her to use to keep in touch with friends and family since we don't have a house phone for her to use and we live away from our family.
I also don't see the big deal in the "age lie" I don't have my real birthday on it either because I don't want strangers to find me and try to steal my info.


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## Aquitane (Aug 26, 2008)

My 11 year old DS asked for one last week. We told him no. We have a few reasons why, but one is because I've seen what these sites can do in the school setting. I am a teacher, and I was teaching middle school (6-7 grade) when myspace first hit. It was a nightmare! The things the kids did to each other through it were horrible. It created a whole new set of problems for me to deal with each day.

FWIW - I DO have a FB account but I do not friend parents of students or students (unless they have graduated). I try to be very professional, and I don't think friending on FB allows me to accomplish that.


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## wemoon (Aug 31, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dar* 
I would. I'm not all that fussed about breaking rules based on age discrimination, which I think is wrong anyway, so that part wouldn't bother me. I'm also savvy enough to help my child adjust the settings so that she doesn't have to deal with weird people trying to friend her or anything like that.

For us, facebook has been a nice tool for keeping in touch with people...

Totally agree. I think that it is not OK that there isn't some way that parents can give their kids under 13 permission to be on facebook. Both of my kids (8 & 10) had an account, but they were deleted by some unknown source. Someone may have reported them as under-age.

They mainly played games like farmtown and many of their friends had accounts as well. Like others that allow it, I have the password and check their accounts regularly. Since their accounts have been deleted, they have not shown any interest in getting new ones, so they currently do not have them.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

No, I would not.

I don't allow my child on a computer at all without being supervised. She mostly plays pop trafficaand runescape.


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## Katsmamajama (Jun 24, 2009)

My 10 year old DD has her own facebook. I don't see the problem with it, since I'm the "keeper of the keys" anyway.

There are ground rules for her, though:
-- No picture of her as her profile. She has some random cartoon-ish photo instead.
-- I approve/disapprove all friends. And no one can see anything on her FB page without being a friend. So far, her meager friends list consists of other military children that she's befriended, and our family members.
-- No adding games or clicking links without checking with me first.
-- I have the username/password to her account. I also have the username/password to her email account. I can check her stuff at any point.

Now, if we were not a military family grasping at ways to stay in contact with friends who move away frequently, I probably wouldn't be so lax about it. However, since she is a military child with friends moving away every 2-3 years, I'm bending on this one-- especially when some friends are 6 time zones away and calling isn't exactly feasible.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

yes my 7 year old under different name.

you cannot find her or see her pictures because of her privacy statements.

i have no problems lying to FB. they are covering their own backs by making that rule. they are not looking out for the whole community. its just for liability reasons.

plus come on. my child wants to play the games. and she can only do some thru facebook.

however she is computer 'literate'. i mean safety literate. and i am careful too. just lately she has been connecting with some cousins and friends her age who are also on fb.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

They're actually complying with the law, not just making a rule to cover their butts or make your life more difficult or because they want to arbitrarily keep out children under 13.
http://www.coppa.org/

Quote:

Websites that are collecting information from children under the age of thirteen are required to comply with Federal Trade Commission ( FTC ) Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA).


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## Gracefulmom (Apr 25, 2002)

Absolutely not.

And not because I don't trust my own children... they would post age appropriate things and they know not to click on any link without permission. But I have NO CONTROL over what other people make visible to me (or my children) on facebook, and some of what I've seen is just icky.

I've really been thinking a lot about this issue this week. I'm a pastor's wife, and have 'friended' some of the youth from our church... if they've requested it. It can be a way to keep in touch a bit... send a congrats after they've had a test or made the team or something. But one of them has been posting, well, compromising photos of her activities... and it makes me think it would be better to just have some separation there. The thought of my own kids seeing some of those pictures makes me feel ill.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Gracefulmom, I'm a pastor's wife as well (we need to get our tribe going again!) and have run into the same thing.


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## Mana Mamma (Dec 4, 2003)

My concerns lie in the dependency of always needing to be connected. Quite frankly, my 10 year old is too young to use facebook in a way that enhance her relationships instead of making her addicted to the computer. I want her outside playing and riding her bike and having real face to face interactions!

My 14 year old has a facebook account and it is a good way to keep in touch with cousins, grandparents and friends that have moved away. But, I approve all of her friend requests, set her security settings and I am a friend of hers. I approve of all photos she uploads and she is limited to 20 minute use per weekday and 45 minute use on weekends.


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## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

I would vote a very strong no....at least at my house. His daddy's house has their own rules and not something I can control, however.

All of my reasons have pretty much been stated already....mine is only 5.8 though, just FWIW.

It's not that I wouldn't trust my own son, it's just that I don't trust the rest of the world.


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## mama1803 (Mar 4, 2008)

A sad and cautionary tale...

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/paren...rages-2087966/


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *azmo* 
Yes. If you say no, they will create it elsewhere.

My bil and sil parent this way. It makes me crazy. I am the parent. You will respect my wishes or there will be consequences.


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## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama1803* 
A sad and cautionary tale...

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/paren...rages-2087966/

I think the caution is this:

Quote:

*Clearly [the parents] haven't been dealing with any part of their daughter's digital life, given the fact that her posting got as far as it did...*

An 11 y/o making a threat like that should set off all kinds of alarms having nothing to do with youtube or fb. The internet doesn't cause violence--it just makes it public.

I don't think that the internet is a dangerous place for kids when their parents are involved, when they talk to their kids about internet safety, about what is okay to publish online and what is dicey (and why,) when parents have some idea of what's going on in their kids' lives, and are there to help them work through difficulties they're having...


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