# Husband encourages dangerous play



## patricegonzales (Jul 20, 2007)

My husband and I just had the 5 billionth argument about this and I feel at a loss...

We have a swing in our (very large) tree. My DD (3yo) loves to swing. Because of the height of the tree and length of the ropes, this swing can go very high, I mean VERY high (DH is 6'2 and she will be at least 6 feet over his head). (It also swings out over the sidewalk toward the road=concrete) 3 different mothers in the neighborhood have commented about how high and crazy the swing is. The owners actually took it down when the house was empty (we live in a rental) because neighborhood kids kept playing on it and they where worried about safety.

Over 7 months ago, when we moved into this house, I asked DH not to push her so high as I am nervous that she could fall. I have continued to catch him pushing her extremely high. I have calmly asked him to stop, I have tried writing him a note asking for him to stop, I have said "fine" just dont do it when I am around, I have explained how scary it is for ME to see, I have cried, I have yelled, I have asked at a later time when I was not heated about it, I asked him to stop every way imaginable to no avail.

Tonight I saw him push her even higher...actually running as fast as he could pushing the swing. I asked him to stop and he laughed at me. He told me I am being ridiculous, that its just a swing, that there is no way she could fall out and that its silly for me to be scared of the swing.

DH has always been extremely caring and respectful of me and my feelings. Which is why I am so confused.

Am I being silly? Is it just a swing?

(FYI- Its not just the swing, he encourages (in my opinion) very dangerous play: Climbing over 10ft chain link fences, climbing bookcases, jumping from the top of the monkey bars. And its even worse if people are around to see. If someone says "Oh my!" or "I cant believe she is doing that!" He encourages it even more!)

I know that I can be too safe sometimes and am trying to recognize when I am. But if something still bothers me after 8 months???


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## LVale (May 4, 2004)

How does your child feel about it? Has she gotten hurt? Is she scared? My husband did the exact same thing when the boys were little, he kinda pushed it to the limits. But the BIG BUT, he would not do it if the boys did not want to, then they would say no and he would respect that. And I am proud to say, they are 29 and 32, and they only time they got hurt when they were out of our sight in their teens. I know this doesn't help, more of a been there done that.


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## patricegonzales (Jul 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LVale* 
How does your child feel about it? Has she gotten hurt? Is she scared?

She LOVES it. And, no, she has not gotten hurt and is not scared.

He will push her limits a bit, but does respect her wishes to stop if she asks.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I personally think three is too little to be so high (and with force) over a person's head. Your dh could never catch her if she did fall and she's likely to at least break an arm, hopefully not her skull.

I would really lay down the law with your hubby. If he cannot be tamer with her, you'll have to find other things to play.

And really, what kind of husband doesn't at least carefully consider a mother's wishes of safety for their child?


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

The only one of those things that you listed that I'd talk to my husband about is the book cases (unless they're built in and very sturdy) because of the tipping.

My kids are 5, 3 and newborn and the older ones are encouraged to listen to their bodies when it comes to risk assesment. They've never gotten injured doing something THEY want to do. Being aware of what their bodies and minds can do is a VERY good thing!

That said, some of the stuff they do scares the bejeezus out of me and I choose to look the other way or watch with my phone in hand to call 911 if need be (I haven't had to yet.) As kids both dh and I would jump off of single story homes. As a parent, this terrifies me, but as a kid it was just a big thrill! And I was only injured once (when some kid stepped in the landing zone mid-jump) and dh was never injured.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

I gotta say, it doesn't sound too bad. The risk of actually falling is pretty minimal, if she knows to hold on tight. I was pushing DS1 (4yo) on a similar swing recently. Yes, it scared the bejesus out of me but honestly, there are alot of things that both boys do that scare me to death. I try not to let them see because I want them to be able to trust themselves and I find that if I get scared they start doubting themselves halfway through whatever they're doing and that's when they're likely to get hurt.

As Mother's it is soooooo hard to see our kids doing things that might hurt them but it's also our jobs to let them go. Mainly you need to decide between what's really dangerous and what is just scary. Honestly, I remember the first time we took DS1 in a car, I almost died I was so scared of having an accident! Things are scarier when you have kids!

I think you need to trust that your DH loves your daughter and wouldn't do anything she didn't want, or he obviously didn't think she was capable of.


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## Rosebud1 (Sep 8, 2007)

I think it sounds awful and it would freak me out too. I think I would resort to sabotoging the swing in some way so it could not be used!!!


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

What's the seat bit like? Unless it's bare rope or rotten wood I wouldn't worry about it, personally. I think a childhood without a few broken bones would be a sad one (yes i know, incredibly unpopular view, but i spent my childhood and teens being thrown off crazy horses so maybe i have residual brain damage from that!







), and it sounds like your DD is a very keen participant. In my relationship if i'd said "fine, don't do it when i'm around" i could then come back from that and say "actually just don't do it". Also, my relationship with my dad was thwarted throughout my childhood by interference from my mum, and i feel i really missed out because i only got to spend time with the version of him SHE approved of. IF he took it too far and IF she hurt herself that lesson is going to be way better for both of them than you just talking about it, no?


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## KimL (May 16, 2009)

my husband does this too. I don't have an answer for you but thought I'd commiserate. Is your child a boy? It seems in my situation my dh wants to make darned sure our son is "tough enough" or "boy enough". maybe because we're a bit hippy-dippy and we're vegetarians it compromises his own internal beliefs on "being a tough man" and therefore he is makiing sure to get my son "tough". who knows.

I try to let him know that, if something happend, HE would feel SO GUILTY!


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## rachelsmama (Jun 20, 2005)

The dangers are pretty obvious, even to a three year old, so the chances of her forgetting to use the swing safely are pretty minimal. In my experience, it's the less obvious dangers that lead to trouble.

On the other hand, it sounds like that particular swing is built in such a way that worry is a reasonable response, and it sounds like your husband is being extremely dismissive. If it was me I would probably take the swing down and replace it with a shorter one, then simply look the other way and take some Rescue Remedy when he pushes her as high as possible on the shorter swing.


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## PluggingAway (Dec 11, 2008)

Gosh, that's a tough one. I can totally relate to the mama bear instinct to protect our babies. I would have to do a lot of self-talk with this one, and at the end of the day, I would do everything in my power to step away from the father-daughter relationship and trust both my husband and daughter to do the right thing.


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## Raine822 (Dec 11, 2008)

Me and dh have the opposite issue. He is very worried about everything and me having been raised by a severely overprotective mom wants dd not to miss out.

Your dh may be feeling the same way. If he sees no major safety concerns he may feel that she is not getting to be a kid if she is kept from doing certain things. Can you try to talk to him about why he insists on the swing? Does he give you any input as to why?

I had some success with talking in detail about the actual dangers of various activities and we have been able to compromise.


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

men do tend toward rougher play and it is sooo good for the kids neurological development.

that said, if it is clearly dangerous risk-taking behavior, there are some thigns you could do. is the seat just a plank of wood? could you replace it with this?

this one has a higher weight limit.

other than that, i would just cut the ropes and be done with it.


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## aussiemum (Dec 20, 2001)

My kids do some crazy things sometimes, & we currently have a rope swing in our garden that gives me heart palpitations. My DH has encouraged informed risk taking, but he does seem to have an inborn sense of when the risks are too high. I have learned to live with it, & even embrace it sometimes. I figure I would rather have them understand the consequences of risk-taking in a supervised environment, as opposed to us not knowing what they are up to.

And DS has come off the rope swing at high speed, & he was lucky not to break his arm (or worse). He was scared, cried a bit, learned from the experience, & is now much more careful about how he holds on to the rope. And the novelty wore off too, so he doesn't swing on it as much. He's moved on to other exciting things. I do draw the line at jumping off the roof- it's way too high & the kids do recognise that- they're adventurous, not completely mad.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I think if your DD was scared, she'd tell him. My DD is 3.5 and kinda a daredevil, but if you pick her up and try to hang her upside down she freaks. She let's us know what scares her.

The swing over the concrete is a bit freaky, but it sounds like if it really scared her she'd tell him and he''d stop.

I like the idea of replacing it with one of those toddler swings if it isn't, then it could be a safer swing and they he could still swing her high. That's what we have.


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## Tjej (Jan 22, 2009)

I get the being scared, but I think what your DH is doing is fine (well, the danger side is fine, the freaking you out/not respecting you isn't).

Tjej


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessedwithboys* 
this one has a higher weight limit.

I'd consider carefully what message it sends buying a developmentally normal child a swing seat designed to allow those with special needs to swing safely. I think i'd rather my kid fell off a swing once or twice than grew up thinking i felt she wasn't capable of being trusted to use such a basic play item without radically specialised equipment.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
What's the seat bit like? Unless it's bare rope or rotten wood I wouldn't worry about it, personally.

That's my question. Are we talking plank with fraying rope or something sturdy?

I'm a thrill seeker myself. So is DH. The difference is that I cringe thinking of the kids getting hurt, and he doesn't. So, yes, there are lots of things that they do that I just have to look the other way if I'm watching. I try to assess whether they're prepared to do whatever it is and go from there.

I don't think it's fair for one parent to control the other's interactions. The bookshelves would bother me for safety reasons. (Plus, I'm not sure there's a legitimate reason to climb a bookshelf.) The other things wouldn't bother me. I've fallen off barbed wire fences, out of trees, etc., and I think it's okay to have a childhood with some risky behavior when your parents are around to comfort and help you.


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## Spirit Dancer (Dec 11, 2006)

If your dd enjoys I say let her and her dad go for it!
IMO, you are being a bit too protective. I did those things a ton growing up and loved it especially when my dad played with me like that. Many fond memories


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Sounds too high to me. And the bookcase thing -- MAKE SURE they can't tip over. Sheesh.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
She LOVES it. And, no, she has not gotten hurt and is not scared.

He will push her limits a bit, but does respect her wishes to stop if she asks.

Then, IMO you need to butt out. You are afraid not them. Let your husband teach her risk taking! This will help her challenge herself and not be afraid to challenge herself when she is older.

You want him to respect your wishes and parenting you need to do the same for him.

Some times we have to turn our heads. I am afraid of high dives. I admit my fear and tell my kids I can't watch them but will take them to do it.

My dh can't swim and was terrified of water. He went through years of panic attacks learning to trust me and that I would not put our children in "real" danger. He had to learn to trust me, then my kids, judgement on water activities.

I think sabotaging the swing is wrong, dishonest, and manipulative . Wouldn't disagree with changing the swing seat if the seat is old.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elmh23* 
The only one of those things that you listed that I'd talk to my husband about is the book cases (unless they're built in and very sturdy) because of the tipping.

My kids are 5, 3 and newborn and the older ones are encouraged to listen to their bodies when it comes to risk assesment. They've never gotten injured doing something THEY want to do. Being aware of what their bodies and minds can do is a VERY good thing!
.


I think the difference is the adult making the swing go so high. It's not like the child is making the swing go high by herself and being asked to tone it down. It is all outside of the child's control.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Mothering and Fathering by Tine Thevenin is an awesome book, I would encourage you to read it.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

As long as the bookcases are secure, neither climbing activity troubles me (I have a natural climber though and have had to adjust my views).

For the swing, the surface she'd fall on is really important, so the concrete - if it is directly under the swing's path - would be a bit of a dealbreaker for me. Without seeing it I can't really tell how likely it is she'd tumble onto that section. I'd also be with you on trying to keep the arc of the swing under 8 feet high, because that's the playground height limit. I do wonder if your fear is freaking you out a bit about the height though - 12 feet in the air is really high. Here's a shot of a swingset with a 12' high bar: http://willygoat.com/catalogsingle.asp?productID=608

I think you both need to listen to each other and work together though and it does concern me a bit that he hasn't been able to compromise on this issue. But overall I agree that it would have to be pretty serious for me to interfere with his judgment.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

imo that seems way too high to push a 3 yo. my dd. has fallen of our swings before now and she is 4 and the boy pushing her wasn't pushing her nearly as high as your dh pushes your dd.


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## hergrace (Oct 9, 2003)

My concern is your communication with your husband, not the safety of the swing.

The swing sounds okay to me and it sounds like your husband is paying attention and respecting your daughter.

But, if you and your husband can't find a way to work through parenting differences, that is a problem.


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

It's great that your three year-old is fearless, but it's not meaningful. She's three. Three year-olds, in my experience, don't have the sense God gave a doorknob. She not afraid because she's never been hurt.

If she was propelling herself on the swing, and if all the landing territory was relatively soft, I'd be okay with it. Big run-ups from Daddy that let her swing out over concrete or asphalt, as exhilarating as they may be, are not safe. And I don't know how this swing is constructed, YES, it IS possible for a child to fall off. It only takes a moment's inattention, and preschoolers? Not famous for keeping their minds on task. I'd take the swing down.

I'd put my foot down on climbing bookcases too. They can tip and crush a kid.

One of the jobs that adults are supposed to do with children is exercise reasonable judgment regarding safety. Yes, she is likely to break a bone at some point and that does often (but not inevitably) come with a healthy, active childhood. Her dad shouldn't *help* her break that bone, or egg her on, or otherwise set her up for it.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hergrace* 
My concern is your communication with your husband, not the safety of the swing.

The swing sounds okay to me and it sounds like your husband is paying attention and respecting your daughter.

But, if you and your husband can't find a way to work through parenting differences, that is a problem.

yup ITA this is the KEY here. well said.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
I think the difference is the adult making the swing go so high. It's not like the child is making the swing go high by herself and being asked to tone it down. It is all outside of the child's control.

Yes, it is. But from the sounds of it, the child loves it. At least with my children, they'd let us know when it was to much for them and we'd stop it for them. As long as the parent is listening to the child and helping them out of the situation when/if it becomes scary is what makes this okay.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

I would take the swing down, and find a safer place to hang it.

In general, I would say your DH needs to learn that a child should not go higher/faster/farther out etc during play than they can get themselves on their own. If a child can pump a swing with their own legs up 6 feet high, then the child is generally in control. However, when an adult/older child pushes something up 6 feet high the child is typically out of control. I a child can climb 10 feet high (hopefully at a safe play ground with proper ground cover,) then the child can usually get themselves back down safely. However if an adult places the child onto the structure pushes them up the structure, then the child is out of their ability zone and is likely to have trouble.

3yo tend to over generalize, so things like climbing bookcases should be generally forbidden. You may know that the book case at your house is well secured with wall anchors, but what happens when she goes to someone else's house? Is she going to climb their unsecured bookcases?

A large part of parenting is giving children the tools they need to be safe when you're not there. Just b/c something may seem safe to your DH when he knows he is right there to catch her doesn't mean it is something she should be learning how to do. Sooner than you know it, she is going to be off doing stuff without him there to save her.

If he continues with this, I would recommend finding a family counselor that you could talk these things out with.


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

If the swing itself is safe (not going to break), then I wouldnt worry so much. It sounds like fun!

My grandma had a neighbor who was relly weird about swings, they had one hanging from their overhead trellis thing, very low to the ground. They had one of those big thick gymnastics type mats under it, and made the kid wear a helmet, wrist guards, knee pads and elbow pads to ride the swing, and would only push him like 2 feet high (less than you would push a baby on a baby swing) AND this is when the child was 6-7yrs old! It was pretty weird.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eepster* 
I would take the swing down, and find a safer place to hang it.

In general, I would say your DH needs to learn that a child should not go higher/faster/farther out etc during play than they can get themselves on their own. If a child can pump a swing with their own legs up 6 feet high, then the child is generally in control. However, when an adult/older child pushes something up 6 feet high the child is typically out of control. I a child can climb 10 feet high (hopefully at a safe play ground with proper ground cover,) then the child can usually get themselves back down safely. However if an adult places the child onto the structure pushes them up the structure, then the child is out of their ability zone and is likely to have trouble.

3yo tend to over generalize, so things like climbing bookcases should be generally forbidden. You may know that the book case at your house is well secured with wall anchors, but what happens when she goes to someone else's house? Is she going to climb their unsecured bookcases?

A large part of parenting is giving children the tools they need to be safe when you're not there. Just b/c something may seem safe to your DH when he knows he is right there to catch her doesn't mean it is something she should be learning how to do. Sooner than you know it, she is going to be off doing stuff without him there to save her.

If he continues with this, I would recommend finding a family counselor that you could talk these things out with.

I pretty much agree with all of this.

And I disagree that a 3-year-old can "listen" to her body and know that she's safe. That's ridiculous - 3-year-olds learn about gravity the hard way. I personally fell ON MY HEAD off swings and various other playground equipment a few times, and if I had fallen eight feet onto concrete, I probably wouldn't have survived. But I only fell from a height I MYSELF could get my swing up to, so there was no eight feet involved. I've always had excellent balance and strength, so this wasn't a case of me not being able to judge my strengths...it was a case of me being a KID, and not having a complete grasp on physics yet.

Sheesh. I think your DH should tone it down. And he should also be more respectful of your judgment (says the woman whose DH thinks it's okay to teach a 2.5-year-old to mow the lawn







).


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## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

I'm rarely on this side of a disagreement but I will agree with the OP. It sounds like the risk of severe injury is real. I do not keep my kids from swinging high, climbing high, etc. I tell them they need to expect to get down themselves.

This is quite different. I would want my child in a safety harness.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

No it's not safe. She shouldn't be swinging over hard surfaces period. Poor swing safety. The height would bother me too.

Swings send more than 50,000 kids to the ER every year. Playground equipment can result in injuries as severe as a car accident.

Here's one article on the topic of swing safety.

Personally, since he's not listening to you, I would just cut the swing down and toss it. It would be nice if he would work with you, but it is a true safety issue and not one to be tolerated while you go round in circles with your DH.









V


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
She LOVES it. And, no, she has not gotten hurt and is not scared.

He will push her limits a bit, but does respect her wishes to stop if she asks.

That's really all that matters.

Trust your husband. He loves his daughter too. Trust your daughter. She really does know her limits.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Based on the OP's original post, to me the DH's behavior seems almost passive-aggressive. She's reasoned, she's argued, she's CRIED? and he still does it? Repeatedly? In front of her? That's not right. My DH and I have frequent disagreements about safety and our 2 boys, but neither of us would ever continue to do anything that would make the other uncomfortable, let alone make them cry.

And FTR, in my relationship I'm the "unsafe" one, and I think the OP's situation seems unsafe for a 3 y/o. No one ever plans to have an accident, that's why they're called accidents.


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## Attila the Honey (Mar 15, 2003)

I have memories of being the child in almost this same exact situation - my mother "freaking out" while my father pushed me ridiculously high on a homemade tree swing while I laughed and screamed with delight.

My husband is rougher with dd than I am - he also encourages her to climb, jump, run, experiment, take risks. It freaks me out, but ultimately I trust dh. I know he loves dd and would never want to hurt her and he's just more of a daredevil than I am.

I guess I would first of all try to think of any compromises - what about a safer seat? a helmet? Then I would ask myself, "Do I trust my husband with our child?" If the answer is yes, back off. If it's scary to watch, don';t watch. I don't see a problem with saying to dc, "Ok, I know you are in good hands with daddy but it freaks mama out to watch so I am going inside. Wear your helmet for me. Thank you." lol

If the problem is you don't trust your dh then, well, that is a problem separate from the swing.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
Based on the OP's original post, to me the DH's behavior seems almost passive-aggressive. She's reasoned, she's argued, she's CRIED? and he still does it? Repeatedly? In front of her? That's not right. My DH and I have frequent disagreements about safety and our 2 boys, but neither of us would ever continue to do anything that would make the other uncomfortable, let alone make them cry.

And FTR, in my relationship I'm the "unsafe" one, and I think the OP's situation seems unsafe for a 3 y/o. No one ever plans to have an accident, that's why they're called accidents.

I'm the unsafe parent too. DS really wants a skate board. I'm fine with getting him one, and feel that it will be a lot easier to make sure he wears a helmet and pads now at 4 yo than it will be if he starts at 14 yo. However, DH really feels DS is too young. I won't get one till I can talk DH into being OK with it. I just don't feel we should go against each other on this kind of safety issue.


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## Azik's mom (Nov 19, 2007)

Yikes! I would definitely find a way to get rid of it. That sounds scarry


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## MissLotus (Nov 2, 2005)

I don't think that just because the kid likes it means it's okay for her. I'm wagering that if she's never been severly injured before, she doesn't know what could happen if she fell. She's 3! So I don't know about her "knowing her own limits", etc.

Pushing her on a swing is fine. Pushing a 3-yr-old so high that if she fell onto the concrete, serious damage would happen = not okay. It's too much. Just because he's her father does *not* mean he's exercising good judgement!

I find it concerning that he's not listening to you, OP, if he knows this is important to you.


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## Shellie (Dec 29, 2003)

12+ feet onto concrete? At 3yo?

While I'm all for letting kids explore their physically limits, I totally agree that there is a difference between how high a 3yo could make herself go on her own and how high/fast a 6'2" man could make her go.

It's the parents' responsibility to exercise judgment wrt safety. A 3yo does not often have the judgment to do so. This situation is potentially unsafe and if it were my husband/daughter, the swing would be gone. My dh and I have few things we disagree on but we do allow each other veto rights on things we feel very strongly about. In this situation, my dh would understand that a 12+ foot fall onto concrete onto her HEAD would be potentially life-threatening but even if he didn't, I would have veto power. I don't take veto power lightly and very, very rarely use it.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I haven't read all the responses, but that sounds extremely dangerous, and since he's completely disregarding your feelings, I'd cut the swing down. And if he puts it up again, I'd cut it down again.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

I asked dh what he thought and he came back with a resounding "it depends." His "guy opinion" is that with some kids, that height over concrete would be a _really_ bad idea. But with some kids, it would be fine. Is it within the realm of wearing a helmet or crossing the street with your grandmother? Not at all. But Mom and Dad probably know their child best and if there haven't been any problems, then this may be a kiddo who can handle it.

...That said, my mother's heart quakes at the thought of my 3-year-old swinging that high over concrete. I'd be ok with a grassy landing, but concrete carries too high a risk for me from a 12- to 14-foot drop.


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## laughymama (Oct 14, 2009)

The one thing that really stuck out to me here and made my heart pound was the concrete.

I would not be comfortable with concrete under any part of the swinging area, no matter what the age of the child.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I would read the swing safety thing above, and if it fails those standards, just cut it down. I would look at it objectively when considering that, and then show him the site that gives that information.

However I do disagree with some posters that, basically, the most cautious parent should win in every disagreement. That both parents have to agree for a child to do something, and that the default is that it doesn't happen. I think the default should be somewhere in the middle. So while I would get rid of the swing if it is objectively unsafe, I would relax a bit in general. Oh, I would also get a brace for the furniture she's climbing. Even if your dh doesn't allow it, if she's a climber it might happen, and the risk is too high.


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

I try not to be too worried. It is dad's job to push our children out of the nest, and our job to be the nest for them to come back to. We can't keep our children from getting hurt and playing. I would ask him not to push so high, but I would try to look away when it is happening. Let kids be kids.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
And its even worse if people are around to see. If someone says "Oh my!" or "I cant believe she is doing that!" He encourages it even more!

If not for this, I'd say he was just confident of her abilities. Because of this part though, it seems like he's trying to use her to show off. Like having a kid at risk of death or injury makes him a tough guy or some BS.

So I'd call him on it. "Why does it matter to your ego to have dd do things that could kill or maim her?"

As for the swing specifically, there should be a way to mount a rigid structure to the tree branch that doesn't swing and then hang a more reasonable swing from that, but it'd probably need an expert of some kind to do the work and be sure it can take the kids' weight. So, put a harnessed seat on the ends of the ropes. E.g. a full support seat (Another advantage to that seat is that they *can't* go as high as a regular swing seat because of the double chain path.)


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

Umm.. my DS1 is 3 too... and he's not capable of pumping his legs and 'swinging' like an adult/older child yet, so I push him on swings, all.the.time. It sounds like some of you think that is 'wrong' cause you can't do it himself?? Thats crazy. I mean, seriously? If your kid can't do something themselves, then they just shouldn't do it at all??

I'd let'm be. Really. Unless your DH is pushing her while she's yelling to stop/she's done, she's obviously comfy, and having a blast and knows to hold on tight... so whats the worry? That she's going to let go and go flying? Sure. Thats possible. But its also possible she's going to trip and fall down your stairs and break her neck that way too. We can't protect our kids from every danger. Its just not possible. And having fun, while playing outside with dad? Why stop it? I mean, really... would you really rather her be bored sitting inside???


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

The safety guidelines won't help because they're assuming a normal swing length, such as on a commercial swing set, or on a park play ground. But you could do a simple proportion "a normal swing has a 10' chain, ours has a 24' chain, so we need to have 15' of soft surface on all sides"


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I'd consider carefully what message it sends buying a developmentally normal child a swing seat designed to allow those with special needs to swing safely. I think i'd rather my kid fell off a swing once or twice than grew up thinking i felt she wasn't capable of being trusted to use such a basic play item without radically specialised equipment.

hmmm, i guess i never thought of it that way. would a 3/4/5 yo knwo it was adaptive equipment? we have an all-abilities public park nearby and there are two swings designed like lazy boy recliners that hold up to several hundred pounds and all the moms LOVE to use them. so does my 8yo ds. well, he doesnt love to, but he has some very minor vestibular issues and its the only swing he will even attempt. but i am pretty much completely NT and i would rather use the adaptive swing any day!


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

I allow my dc to free-range on a rural wilderness property. I trust their instincts and see how much they learn by exercising their freedom. BUT when daddy is involved, I watch more carefully. He did not develop his instincts as a child and with ADD, tends to not be as aware of how his actions impact others as I am, for instance, so when he plays with our dc, I do have much more to say about it than I ever do when dc choose their play on their own.

OP's child's instincts may be fully intact, but her dp's may not be, and it really has absoluetly nothing to do with his love for her. My dp would give his life for any of our dc, but his choices in play have resulted in injuries more frequently than I care to enumerate.

And here's the seemingly contradictory thing: it's my dp who freaks out when he sees how far away they roam and what they do without him being nearby to rescue them. I don't even flinch. They know what they are doing.

I think that it is important to really examine what is going on and recognise that some people need to be shown what they haven't understood themselves, such as with my dp; we have had many discussions wherein I have explained exactly how much is okay and where the line is for safety in the play he engages in with our children. Over the last nearly two years, he has drastically improved because of our discussions and his own observations. Before that, his actions were sometimes very dangerous and did result in our dc being injured and they have a few resultant scars- not each, but in total.

Nobody in my home is exempt from self-reflection and improvement, regardless of age, title, expressed love or enjoyment. It seems like a non-sequitur to suggest that the situation is fine because the father loves the daughter and they are having fun. My dad had fun with a book of matches until they caught fire and burned his family's home to the ground. That was a shock to him. He honestly had not anticipated the reality of spreading fire and has not to this day told his parents that he was the one who did it.

Not everyone develops a sense of reasonable risk, for myriad reasons. My dc free-range because I think that it is healthy and I see that they are developing a very intricate system of risk-analysis incidental to their exploration. Not many children have that experience and many don't develop their instincts fully as a result, and they still become parents and love their children no less.

OP, if you are having a difference of opinion, then that is one thing, but if you are observing an imbalance of risk-taking and risk-analysis, then that is another. I would do everything I could to retain that play for them though, which for me would include a harness-style swing, something similar to what is worn for rock climbing. It isn't about a lack of trust in your dds abilities. It's just that when we climb or swing at great heights, there is a risk to our safety and so we wear this gear. No judgments, just sense. Of course, you know what the situaton is and I may be imagining a different set-up than you have, but if there is a way to make it safe without spoiling it, then I would take the intiative to do that.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I'd consider carefully what message it sends buying a developmentally normal child a swing seat designed to allow those with special needs to swing safely. I think i'd rather my kid fell off a swing once or twice than grew up thinking i felt she wasn't capable of being trusted to use such a basic play item without radically specialised equipment.

The full support swings at one of our local parks are the most frequently used. All the kids from 18months to 6 or 7 years old flock to them because they are comfortable. The tacit rule, of course, is that if someone who needed the swing came, then toddlers would be moved to the infant swings and older kids to the regular swings, but thus far that hasn't come up while we've been at the park.


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## Adsullata (Dec 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PreggieUBA2C* 
I allow my dc to free-range on a rural wilderness property. I trust their instincts and see how much they learn by exercising their freedom. BUT when daddy is involved, I watch more carefully. He did not develop his instincts as a child and with ADD, tends to not be as aware of how his actions impact others as I am, for instance, so when he plays with our dc, I do have much more to say about it than I ever do when dc choose their play on their own.

OP's child's instincts may be fully intact, but her dp's may not be, and it really has absoluetly nothing to do with his love for her. My dp would give his life for any of our dc, but his choices in play have resulted in injuries more frequently than I care to enumerate.

And here's the seemingly contradictory thing: it's my dp who freaks out when he sees how far away they roam and what they do without him being nearby to rescue them. I don't even flinch. They know what they are doing.

I think that it is important to really examine what is going on and recognise that some people need to be shown what they haven't understood themselves, such as with my dp; we have had many discussions wherein I have explained exactly how much is okay and where the line is for safety in the play he engages in with our children. Over the last nearly two years, he has drastically improved because of our discussions and his own observations. Before that, his actions were sometimes very dangerous and did result in our dc being injured and they have a few resultant scars- not each, but in total.

Nobody in my home is exempt from self-reflection and improvement, regardless of age, title, expressed love or enjoyment. It seems like a non-sequitur to suggest that the situation is fine because the father loves the daughter and they are having fun. My dad had fun with a book of matches until they caught fire and burned his family's home to the ground. That was a shock to him. He honestly had not anticipated the reality of spreading fire and has not to this day told his parents that he was the one who did it.

Not everyone develops a sense of reasonable risk, for myriad reasons. My dc free-range because I think that it is healthy and I see that they are developing a very intricate system of risk-analysis incidental to their exploration. Not many children have that experience and many don't develop their instincts fully as a result, and they still become parents and love their children no less.

*OP, if you are having a difference of opinion, then that is one thing, but if you are observing an imbalance of risk-taking and risk-analysis, then that is another. I would do everything I could to retain that play for them though, which for me would include a harness-style swing, something similar to what is worn for rock climbing. It isn't about a lack of trust in your dds abilities. It's just that when we climb or swing at great heights, there is a risk to our safety and so we wear this gear. No judgments, just sense. Of course, you know what the situaton is and I may be imagining a different set-up than you have, but if there is a way to make it safe without spoiling it, then I would take the intiative to do that.*

This. Especially the part I've bolded. And, the swing is OVER CONCRETE.

I'm a risk-taker, an adrenaline junky. I've jumped off bridges and cliffs into lakes and rivers, lots of river rafting, and have rock climbed. But I don't jump without scouting the landing, don't river raft without a life jacket, and don't rock climb without ropes and harnesses. I wouldn't swing at a height that was the same ratio taller than me (as your swing) over concrete, because it's just a stupid risk. There's multiple good reasons why playgrounds have not been made this way in years and that old ones that were are removed and replaced. That and climbing bookcases just makes me think of the Darwin awards.

You can have an awful lot of fun and adrenaline rush while still taking important precautions. Some of the pps' suggestions for modifying the swing for example.

I also find it disconcerting that he disregarded your concern, even after you were in tears about it. If it were me, I'd want him to at least address that and not be dismissive of me.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elmh23* 
The only one of those things that you listed that I'd talk to my husband about is the book cases (unless they're built in and very sturdy) because of the tipping.

Agreed, that was the only thing on the list that made me go, "yikes!!!"

The swing sounds like so much fun, I want to try it!


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
The safety guidelines won't help because they're assuming a normal swing length, such as on a commercial swing set, or on a park play ground. But you could do a simple proportion "a normal swing has a 10' chain, ours has a 24' chain, so we need to have 15' of soft surface on all sides"

Actually the safety guidelines do apply re: the surface. No one should be swinging over concrete. Period.

V


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Violet2* 
Actually the safety guidelines do apply re: the surface. No one should be swinging over concrete. Period.

V

I think she was talking about the guideline that say 6 foot radius of soft surfacing around the swing is sufficient. If they currently measured the grass around the swing they might find it extended 6 feet in all direction.

The problem with applying this guideline to this swing is that since the swings ropes/chains are so long, the swing can travel outside the 6 foot radius. There fore for this swing, they may need 10 feet or 15 feet of soft surfacing. Of course it is probably impossible to achieve this since they can not move either the tree or the side walk.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
I haven't read all the responses, but that sounds extremely dangerous, and since he's completely disregarding your feelings, I'd cut the swing down. And if he puts it up again, I'd cut it down again.

Well on the flip side, the OP is completely disregarding her dh's feelings. If my dh destroyed something that I enjoyed doing with my child like you suggested, there would be hell to pay.

That swing sounds awesome. As long as the rope is not frayed (or is replaced if it is frayed), then I think the OP needs to let it go.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Sorry to bring it up again, but no one seems to be addressing the fact that the OP's dh encourages more and more unsafe behavior when he has an audience. To me, that means this behavior isn't about their child and what is really safe for her in the dh's best judgment.

That is where I am critical of the situation. I'm not critical of the dh's ability to judge his own child's safety, but critical of his apparent choice to show-off for an audience at the expense of using his judgment.

It also makes me suspicious of why he refuses to discuss the OP's comfort level. How hard would it be to say "I think it is safe because she's very good at holding on. But I know the concrete bothers you, so let's look into putting a softer surface down"? It wouldn't make the swing any less fun to have an okay surface underneath, or to wear a harness, or to wear a helmet, so not being willing to discuss options to increase safety means he's being as dismissive of the OP's judgment about her child's safety as people are claiming she's doing to his.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamadelbosque* 
Umm.. my DS1 is 3 too... and he's not capable of pumping his legs and 'swinging' like an adult/older child yet, so I push him on swings, all.the.time. It sounds like some of you think that is 'wrong' cause you can't do it himself?? Thats crazy. I mean, seriously? If your kid can't do something themselves, then they just shouldn't do it at all??

I'd let'm be. Really. Unless your DH is pushing her while she's yelling to stop/she's done, she's obviously comfy, and having a blast and knows to hold on tight... so whats the worry? That she's going to let go and go flying? Sure. Thats possible. But its also possible she's going to trip and fall down your stairs and break her neck that way too. We can't protect our kids from every danger. Its just not possible. And having fun, while playing outside with dad? Why stop it? I mean, really... would you really rather her be bored sitting inside???

Do you push your child 12 feet high? Over concrete?

I don't think the alternative here is sitting inside watching tv.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Sorry to bring it up again, but no one seems to be addressing the fact that the OP's dh encourages more and more unsafe behavior when he has an audience. To me, that means this behavior isn't about their child and what is really safe for her in the dh's best judgment.

That is where I am critical of the situation. I'm not critical of the dh's ability to judge his own child's safety, but critical of his apparent choice to show-off for an audience at the expense of using his judgment.

It also makes me suspicious of why he refuses to discuss the OP's comfort level. How hard would it be to say "I think it is safe because she's very good at holding on. But I know the concrete bothers you, so let's look into putting a softer surface down"? It wouldn't make the swing any less fun to have an okay surface underneath, or to wear a harness, or to wear a helmet, so not being willing to discuss options to increase safety means he's being as dismissive of the OP's judgment about her child's safety as people are claiming she's doing to his.


Agreed.


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## FullMetalMom (Aug 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
I haven't read all the responses, but that sounds extremely dangerous, and since he's completely disregarding your feelings, I'd cut the swing down. And if he puts it up again, I'd cut it down again.

This. This scenario could easily turn tragic. I would physically go out and stop the activity if I saw him doing this again. Especially if the fear of my child being hurt brought me to tears. Not cool.


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## Adsullata (Dec 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Sorry to bring it up again, but no one seems to be addressing the fact that the OP's dh encourages more and more unsafe behavior when he has an audience. To me, that means this behavior isn't about their child and what is really safe for her in the dh's best judgment.

That is where I am critical of the situation. I'm not critical of the dh's ability to judge his own child's safety, but critical of his apparent choice to show-off for an audience at the expense of using his judgment.

It also makes me suspicious of why he refuses to discuss the OP's comfort level. How hard would it be to say "I think it is safe because she's very good at holding on. But I know the concrete bothers you, so let's look into putting a softer surface down"? It wouldn't make the swing any less fun to have an okay surface underneath, or to wear a harness, or to wear a helmet, so not being willing to discuss options to increase safety means he's being as dismissive of the OP's judgment about her child's safety as people are claiming she's doing to his.

Also agreed.

I also agree with the pp's who say the swing sounds like fun. EXCEPT for the fact that the swing is *OVER CONCRETE.* I hope people are just not noticing that fact, as opposed to saying that's a great idea. Because it's not. There's risk, and then there's stupid risk.

When doing something risky, such as say rock climbing, you check to make sure all your gear and safety equipment is in good working order and set up properly before taking off. That is calculated risk- you could still potentially get injured, and you still get a good rush from the activity, but you make good use of the modern safety equipment. Stupid risk is when you think you're invincible and don't bother with the safety check and depend on nothing more than shear luck.

When I was a kid, I went on the old school styles swings that were super tall and had concrete nearby and, no, I didn't suffer any severe injuries. But like many other things done at that time (like riding in cars without seatbelts) the fact that I survived does not make it safe, it just means I was really, really lucky. I see no reason to take these kinds of stupid risks when we now know better and really great safety equipment is available to allow us to take calculated risk and still have a blast.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

First of all, I am completely stunned that so many people think it's okay for a *3 year old* to be pushed *12 feet high* in a swing over *concrete*. And if I read the OP right, this has been going on since her DD was 2.5 years old.

But safety issue aside, I think the main problem here is that the OP's husband is completely disregarding her feelings, and even laughing at her fear for her child. That is not cool. If I were playing in some way with my son, whether it was completely safe or not, and it freaked my DH out so much that it made him cry, I would stop doing it. It doesn't matter if the OP is right or wrong, she is terrified for her child's safety, and her DH doesn't care.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

The daughter could have just as much fun swinging lower, or over something safer than concrete. The issue of the Dad liking the audience & disregarding mom's feelings says this is not about his kid having fun, it is about HIS adrenaline rush. Not cool.


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## patricegonzales (Jul 20, 2007)

To clarify a couple things:

The swing itself, as well as the ropes are in good condition. It is a plank style swing attached to sturdy climbing style ropes. (and it is not homemade)

The bookcases are built in bookcases. DH would never encourage climbing a stand alone bookcase.

DH has always respected my feelings and opinions. This was the first time which is why it threw me off. It wasnt his normal response.
__________________________________________________ ______________

(not so) Funny thing happened after I posted this: DD tripped while on a walk with me and busted her head open. One of those...."Does she need stitches?....Do I really want to take 2 kids to the ER to wait and find out?....Will the scar be that noticeable if I dont?" kind of busts.
DH was a bit: ..."you know I really dont feel safe with you taking our daughter on walks any more..." Seeing as how this was the 2nd time (it was 7 stitches the first time) that she has tripped while walking with me and busted her head open, I caught his drift.
Logically, I know that the chances are slim that she will fall from the swing and I know that she can get hurt just walking down the street. That still doesnt help my mama fear though.

I also had a chance to talk this over with my counselor and found a couple other views:
I am over-protective and over-cautious. By not bending on this, DH may be trying to teach DD not to be filled with anxiety or fear about, well, life and play. DH father was very over-protective and extremely cautious in his life and this cost him a connection with his son as well as caused a lot of regret in his (DH fathers') later years. DH may be trying to not repeat this with his daughter. His laughing in my face and being dismissive of my feelings may be his way of trying to show me: "See, she did it, and shes ok, its ok, lifes ok, you are ok!!" It may be his way of trying to help me not repeat his childhood with our daughter.
His showing off by pushing his daughter harder (literally and figuratively) when people are around could be his way of proving to others (himself, really) that he is not his father.

Now that I think I know where the feelings are coming from I need to put them aside and evaluate if the swing is really a dangerous activity or not.....and the opinions seem to be pretty split here! lol


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I'd use her falling on the sidewalk as a reason for getting rid of the swing. If a fall from less than 4' onto concrete makes her need stitches, a fall from 12' will be pretty gruesome. (Don't think about it too hard yourself, but if your dh is a visual person, smash a melon as an illustration.)

With built in bookcases, my only problem would be that she might go climbing without someone there to catch her. Maybe they could do climbing with a ladder instead? Like a 7' folding ladder that can be put away so she HAS to get an adult to climb? That'd also have less slippery climbing surfaces than a bookcase and nothing that might mar her footing.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

I'm in the camp that says BECAUSE it's your husband doing the pushing your daughter is not in control of the situation and therefore the risk of injury to her is much, much greater.

My 4 year old just recently learned to pump on a swingset, and he pumps HIGH. Our set is 10.5 feet high, so he's getting himself higher than his dad, but he's in control of how high he goes and there's no sudden JOLT that a child gets when he's being pushed by someone else (esp with the run-under kind of pushes dads give).

6 months ago we were at the park and this same son decided he wanted to wear his new bike helmet. He looked like he had a head injury - playing and running around in a helmet all afternoon. But when we got to the swings, the same swings he'd been swinging on for a couple years, DH got him really high. On ONE push - it only takes one - DH jolted him a bit too much and my son flew off backwards onto the packed mulch and dirt and cracked the back of his head. His head struck first, and the impact was so great that his helmet EXPLODED around his face. It actually sounded like a gun had fired.

Thank GOD for that helmet that day.

All it takes is one time, and your daughter could be landing on concrete.


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## aussiemum (Dec 20, 2001)

I don't know- I think in some ways it comes down to whether your family is willing to engage in activities that other families might find 'risky'. It doesn't make it right or wrong, it's just a matter of whether or not a family finds the behaviour to fit within it's norm. Obviously it is much more difficult when the two parents disagree over what is normal, as in the OP's situation.

One of the most risky things you can do with your kids is drive somewhere in a car with them. We can do all the harm-minimisation we like in this area, but it still remains statistically high risk.

Of course, my family is an enthusiastic adventure-seeking and rock-climbing kind of family, so maybe my perception is somewhat skewed. What others might consider risky or high-adventure is normal for us.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
__________________________________________________ ______________

(not so) Funny thing happened after I posted this: DD tripped while on a walk with me and busted her head open. One of those...."Does she need stitches?....Do I really want to take 2 kids to the ER to wait and find out?....Will the scar be that noticeable if I dont?" kind of busts.
DH was a bit: ..."you know I really dont feel safe with you taking our daughter on walks any more..." Seeing as how this was the 2nd time (it was 7 stitches the first time) that she has tripped while walking with me and busted her head open, I caught his drift.
Logically, I know that the chances are slim that she will fall from the swing and I know that she can get hurt just walking down the street. That still doesnt help my mama fear though.

I also had a chance to talk this over with my counselor and found a couple other views:
I am over-protective and over-cautious. By not bending on this, DH may be trying to teach DD not to be filled with anxiety or fear about, well, life and play. DH father was very over-protective and extremely cautious in his life and this cost him a connection with his son as well as caused a lot of regret in his (DH fathers') later years. DH may be trying to not repeat this with his daughter. His laughing in my face and being dismissive of my feelings may be his way of trying to show me: "See, she did it, and shes ok, its ok, lifes ok, you are ok!!" It may be his way of trying to help me not repeat his childhood with our daughter.
His showing off by pushing his daughter harder (literally and figuratively) when people are around could be his way of proving to others (himself, really) that he is not his father.

Now that I think I know where the feelings are coming from I need to put them aside and evaluate if the swing is really a dangerous activity or not.....and the opinions seem to be pretty split here! lol

I intend this with respect and kindness:

First off, I think your dh's response is, well, crappy. That is really throwing something in your face.

Second, it sounds to me like you are trying real hard to excuse his behavior and put your feelings aside.

Never underestimate the power of Mama Instinct.

Just sayin'.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
I intend this with respect and kindness:

First off, I think your dh's response is, well, crappy. That is really throwing something in your face.

Second, it sounds to me like you are trying real hard to excuse his behavior and put your feelings aside.

Never underestimate the power of Mama Instinct.

Just sayin'.

There is a balance and this couple is trying to create it.

He is pointing out a fact, that this child has gotten hurt with her twice. She he no longer trust her judgement? She hasn't gotten hurt with dad do we say that much mean he has better judgement, NOPE! They both have valid opinions and they need to respect each other's judgment.

I think her Mama Instinct needs balance with Daddy Instinct and they need to work on a compromise.

Sometimes our instincts need to evaluated. My dh almost drowned. His instincts was to keep and overprotect our children around water. As a parent I had to respect my dh feelings and we worked through them together. Make compromises. She can do this by respecting her dh feelings, respecting that her judgement isn't superior or less than her dh. and that there are midpoints.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I'm still curious whether it's really 12' high and where the concrete is. It does sound concerning at those parameters.

We were out at a park yesterday and maybe I'm just weak but I don't think I could get my child to double my height.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
There is a balance and this couple is trying to create it.

He is pointing out a fact, that this child has gotten hurt with her twice. She he no longer trust her judgement? She hasn't gotten hurt with dad do we say that much mean he has better judgement, NOPE! They both have valid opinions and they need to respect each other's judgment.

I think her Mama Instinct needs balance with Daddy Instinct and they need to work on a compromise.

Sometimes our instincts need to evaluated. My dh almost drowned. His instincts was to keep and overprotect our children around water. As a parent I had to respect my dh feelings and we worked through them together. Make compromises. She can do this by respecting her dh feelings, respecting that her judgement isn't superior or less than her dh. and that there are midpoints.


I see what you are saying, and I understand this point. Ds has hurt himself 2 times while in my care, and I would be very upset if dh said that to me. I also know if something dh was doing with ds made me CRY, he would stop doing it or work out a compromise.


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## Apple Girl (Nov 2, 2007)

I haven't read all of the replies yet, just the OP.

I broke both of my arms at the wrist and elbow (yes, both of them in both places!!) on a swing when I was a teenager. The chain holding the swing up broke while I was at the highest point. Probably 5-6 ft. off the ground or so. The metal was rusted through at one point high up that you couldn't see when you first sat down.

Nothing from nothing, but if it was my DH I'd take down the swing one day when he wasn't looking and either hide or dispose of it. Actually, if it was my DH he'd never do that, because he's more neurotic about safety than I am. Your DH probably objects to being told what to do, but he's the grown up and really should act like it, especially since it's not really his risk to take. Swings can be VERY dangerous.


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## patricegonzales (Jul 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
I intend this with respect and kindness:

First off, I think your dh's response is, well, crappy. That is really throwing something in your face.

Second, it sounds to me like you are trying real hard to excuse his behavior and put your feelings aside.

Never underestimate the power of Mama Instinct.

Just sayin'.


I dont think you are being disrespectful









However, I dont think that you read my post clearly, or perhaps you are assuming too much from it?

I completely agree that his response was crappy and that he was throwing something in my face. And, I am not (and have not) excused how he treated me. I was trying to see where he was coming from. Being that my husband loves me very much, he would never do anything to just be cruel or mean to me. In my opinion, it is easier to understand someones actions if you understand the motivation or emotion behind it. I also think that logical choices are, in most cases better than emotional choices.
Lastly, I am still trying to determine if this activity is dangerous.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GuildJenn* 
I'm still curious whether it's really 12' high and where the concrete is.

I am pretty sure its around 10-12ft high that he is pushing her. I have not measured it. There is a branch that her feet touch at her highest point, so I have a good reference to get this estimate.
The concrete starts about 2ft beyond the swing/tree and she swings out over the concrete and back over our yard.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
I am pretty sure its around 10-12ft high that he is pushing her. I have not measured it. There is a branch that her feet touch at her highest point, so I have a good reference to get this estimate.
The concrete starts about 2ft beyond the swing/tree and she swings out over the concrete and back over our yard.

Okay yeah in that case I'm going to say it's too high, and the concrete is just not safe if it's in her flight path. I'm not anti-risk. But that seems unnecessarily risky. Playground planners would agree I'm sure.

I would talk to your husband about it (again, I know ) and really see if you can come to a compromise about height - and spray paint that mark on the tree. Maybe one way to approach it would be to agree to talk to a playground designer? And yes, it will be hard for him to back down and your daughter will probably pitch a fit if she's not pushed as high any more but... yeah. 12 ft and concrete are just not a good combination.

Also sure, she can hurt herself anywhere but the two discussions are distinct.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I'd consider carefully what message it sends buying a developmentally normal child a swing seat designed to allow those with special needs to swing safely. I think i'd rather my kid fell off a swing once or twice than grew up thinking i felt she wasn't capable of being trusted to use such a basic play item without radically specialised equipment.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
Lastly, I am still trying to determine if this activity is dangerous.

She's 3 years old. What if she looked down and there was a huge spider crawling on her hand. Would she calmly say, "Daddy, please stop the swing so I can remove this spider?" Nope, she'd probably let go of the swing and try to shake it off. And fall off and crack her head open on concrete.

Is being able to swing on this particular swing really worth the risk? Really??


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

OP, I think I get what you're saying, but your DH is doing something that makes you CRY. My DH worries more than I do, and we've had *plenty* of disagreements about what is and isn't safe, and I'm sure we'll continue to have many more. I worry that his fears about their safety will impact my children's sense of their own abilities and may eventually have a negative impact on their relationship with their father. But that being said, when he has a serious issue with something, I bend. I would never do anything that would make him so uncomfortable or anxious that he would react with tears/an emotional outburst. I certainly wouldn't *continue* to do it. And like everyone is saying, this isn't about high swinging, it's about CEMENT underneath. Maybe he's trying to "cure" you of your fears? But w/ the whole cement thing, ugh, find another way!

I think both you and your DH should talk to your counselor about this issue and how he's ignoring your feelings. IMO it doesn't matter whether your fear is justified or not, this is something you're saying you feel strongly about and he's not listening.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
I am pretty sure its around 10-12ft high that he is pushing her. I have not measured it. There is a branch that her feet touch at her highest point, so I have a good reference to get this estimate.
The concrete starts about 2ft beyond the swing/tree and she swings out over the concrete and back over our yard.

This does sound quite dangerous. I'm surprised the landlords insurance company hasn't made a fuss about it.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 

Lastly, I am still trying to determine if this activity is dangerous.

.

I am kind of surprised at this given the link I provided also linked to the Govt guidelines for playground equipment as well as statistics on injuries from said equipment. Objective, expert data was provided and you still doubt yourself??????

I think you might be trying too hard to see your DH's point of view. Also, I think your therapist may have been irresponsible in what they said to you given the swing set up.

I like the idea of a melon a pp mentioned, but put it on the swing and let it fall from 12 feet on the concrete--that would be a great visual.

It's not like changing the swing will mean no one ever has fun again. You're not the Grinch trying to suck the joy out of life, kwim? You just want to modify it so the fun doesn't involve a coma.

Oh and another pp reminded me, I had a swing collapse on me too as a kid, but no injury though.

V


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
I dont think you are being disrespectful









However, I dont think that you read my post clearly, or perhaps you are assuming too much from it.


Possibly








I just put myself in that position and imagined my reaction to the situation. Full disclosure: I'm the overly cautious type.

Good luck working it out!


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

I wouldn't let my toddler swing over concrete, period. And I'm pretty laid back about "letting kids be kids," at least compared to many parents I know. We let her climb and swing and run around as she chooses, but there's a difference between "letting kids be kids" and knowingly and unncecessarily putting them in potentially fatal situations.

Just yesterday, dh and dd were at the park and he was pushing her on the tire swing. Dd lost her grip when the swing was at its highest point, and she slid out of the swing. She fell onto her knees, scraped them both, and banged her forehead on the ground--soft dirt covered with a thick layer of mulch. She was way lower than 10 feet, and still ended up with a scrape and a big goose egg on her forehead. I shudder to think what would have happened if she had been over concrete.

She broke her leg just before she turned three, and that is NOT something I want her to ever have to go through again. Twelve weeks in a cast (including over her birthday) is not a "rite of passage."


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Is there any compromises? Is there any places that you can hang a safe swing?

You can NOT budge on your view of unsafe but also make the swinging and pushing levels safer.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I say let your dd and dh have their fun. yes he is being dissrespectful of your feelings but perhaps he feels you are also not being respectful of his feelings or trusting him with his own child. He is capable of making this decission. And him and dd are bonding and having a great time. let them do their thing.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Time after time we talk about a mom's responsibilty to protect her baby. We talk about it over in the case against circ all the time. When grandparents want to take our kids places in cars with out car seats, everybody is up in arms.

The OP here has a reasonable fear that this activity could result in serious injury. I would say it's just as likely, if not more so, to end in serious injury as a car accident when the grandparents take the kids for a short ride to the park with out a carseat.

Why is this situation OK just b/c the dad loves his DD and b/c she enjoys it?


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eepster* 
Time after time we talk about a mom's responsibilty to protect her baby. We talk about it over in the case against circ all the time. When grandparents want to take our kids places in cars with out car seats, everybody is up in arms.

The OP here has a reasonable fear that this activity could result in serious injury. I would say it's just as likely, if not more so, to end in serious injury as a car accident when the grandparents take the kids for a short ride to the park with out a carseat.

Why is this situation OK just b/c the dad loves his DD and b/c she enjoys it?

Why do the mom's fears trump the dad's confidence? This isn't circing, which has a wealth of statistical evidence behind it showing the risk vs benefit to the newborn means it's a bad idea.

Why is it mom's job to protect her children from their FATHER, who is not abusive or inattentive, and so far hasn't shown that he is careless (the child has not fallen and has not been harmed)?

I don't think it's solely my job to protect my babies, it's their father's job too. And we have to do it together, not in spite of one another.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
Why do the mom's fears trump the dad's confidence?

If this were a dad who was objecting to something that the mom was doing and it seemed like a legitimate concern then I would say it was dad's duty to protect his child. It's not a question of whether moms have more say on safety or if dads ave more say about safety, it is any parent duty to protect their child. Since this is a site called "mothering" we just happen to get more moms seeking advice than dads seeking advice, but if the OP was a dad I would say the exact same thing about it being his duty to protect his DD.

Quote:

This isn't circing, which has a wealth of statistical evidence behind it showing the risk vs benefit to the newborn means it's a bad idea.
Some one did actually post a link to an article with statistics and guidelines, but I'll provide more.

Here is an article about play ground safety. Some highlights from it:


> "Faulty equipment, improper surfaces, and careless behavior are just a few of the hazards of playgrounds - each year, more than 200,000 kids are treated in hospital ERs for playground-related injuries."


Remember the swing in question goes over concrete:


> "A proper playground surface is one of the most important factors in reducing injuries - and the severity of injuries - that occur when kids fall from equipment. The surface under the playground equipment should be soft enough and thick enough to soften the impact of a child's fall."


The OP says the swing goes up about 12 feet.


> "No surfacing materials are considered safe if the combined height of playground and the child (standing on the highest platform) is higher than 12 feet."


Finally this article says


> "Swings are the most frequent source of childhood injuries from moving equipment on a playground."


Here's a hand book from CSPC, here is another article. There are many more articles, and they all agree that concrete is an unacceptable surface to have under swings, and that 12 feet is the point at which equipment becomes unacceptably dangerous no matter what surface in underneath.

Just b/c nothing has happened yet doesn't mean the situation is safe, it just means they have been lucky.

The fact that the child has been hurt twice while just going for a walk actually would make me feel even more strongly about the swings. When she falls, as all kids do, and she is just her own hight somewhere around 3 feet tall, she needed a couple of stitches. The swing is taking her head over 4 times as high, the injury from that much greater a hight would result a much much more severe injury. Children falling is inevitable, but from over 12 feet on to concrete is not.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I think it is kind of crazy to take a swing down because a child fell and needed stitches on a walk. That is like "you broke your wrist walking home from school, so you never get to go horseback riding again!". Irrational.

Ultimately it's down to the OP and her family what happens, perhaps the swing could be moved or perhaps it will be taken down, or maybe nothing will be changed. The fact is that none of those studies you cited say that the child will be injured, horribly or otherwise, from using this swing. She might be. She might be injured walking down the street, but the OP doesn't seem to be considering, despite 2 injuries from falling when walking, getting the kid a wheelchair to avoid the "danger" of walking injuries.

It is perfectly fine for you to think this is far too dangerous and me to think it isn't, not everyone will agree, the point is only that the OP and her husband need to reach agreement.


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

I haven't read all the responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating anything that's been said.

I wouldn't be ok with this particular setup, and I tend to be pretty laid back. My toddler was learning to climb the steps and while I watched, I didn't 'save him' when he slid, for example. I think kids need to challenge their boundaries to learn where they are.

However, our job as parents is to allow them to do that in situations where a broken wrist or skinned knee is about the worst that could happen. A fall from more than twice the child's height is a fall that I, were I to respond with an ambulance, would bring out a backboard and cervical collar for as there is a very real risk of spinal injury. Put that fall over concrete and it's no longer a risk, but a significant probability.

I would remove the swing immediately, and invest in a safer playscape.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *confustication* 
A fall from more than twice the child's height is a fall that I, were I to respond with an ambulance, would bring out a backboard and cervical collar for as there is a very real risk of spinal injury. Put that fall over concrete and it's no longer a risk, but a significant probability.

It's actually twice the *dad's* height, not the child's.

So it's a child possibly falling onto concrete from at least 12 feet. How anyone can think this is reasonable is beyond me.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
The fact is that none of those studies you cited say that the child will be injured, horribly or otherwise, from using this swing.

Of course none of them say that. I haven't seen any studies that say an infant _will_ be injured if they ride in a car without a carseat, it just greatly increases the risk involved. I've seen plenty of people who drive around with their kids loose in the car, and I'm sure most of the time nothing happens, that doesn't make it safe. Sometimes kids who are properly strapped in a properly installed carseat are injured in car crashes, sometimes horribly, and some even die.

It's about looking at necessary risks versus easily preventable and unnecessary risks.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 
I also had a chance to talk this over with my counselor and found a couple other views:
I am over-protective and over-cautious. By not bending on this, DH may be trying to teach DD not to be filled with anxiety or fear about, well, life and play. DH father was very over-protective and extremely cautious in his life and this cost him a connection with his son as well as caused a lot of regret in his (DH fathers') later years. DH may be trying to not repeat this with his daughter. His laughing in my face and being dismissive of my feelings may be his way of trying to show me: "See, she did it, and shes ok, its ok, lifes ok, you are ok!!" It may be his way of trying to help me not repeat his childhood with our daughter.
His showing off by pushing his daughter harder (literally and figuratively) when people are around could be his way of proving to others (himself, really) that he is not his father.

Now that I think I know where the feelings are coming from I need to put them aside and evaluate if the swing is really a dangerous activity or not.....and the opinions seem to be pretty split here! lol

Your DH should not use your DD to work through his issues with his father. The swing over concrete is dangerous. Climbing bookcases? Completely ridiculous. Besides being dangerous if your DD ever decides to climb bookcases that aren't mounted to the wall, it's *inappropriate* behavior. Furniture and books ought not be treated that way. It might be age-appropriate if a young child gets it in her head to climb furniture, but I would be furious if my DH was encouraging it.

I'll say it again, your DH should not use your DD to work through his issues with his father. Find him a therapist.


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

It doesn't sound like this is a very safe activity right now (from what I'm imagining based on your description). I agree with possibly changing the type of seat to an SN type seat and I would also suggest getting to the bottom of your husband's defiance?!? I'm slightly appalled that he would just ignore your pain and reservations so blatently (WHILE putting your dd at risk of serious injury).


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## lerlerler (Mar 31, 2004)

OK, call me a doubting Thomas but I find it really hard to believe she gets to 12 feet.

If the swing were already 6 feet off the ground? The laws of physics wouldn't let her get twice that height... If the swing were higher, he couldn't push her without a ladder.

So, I need more data.

lisa (mechanical engineer)


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## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

When one of us has a safety concern, we discuss that concern. If the person with the safety concern isn't convinced by the arguments of the one who thinks the activity is safe enough, then the safety concern "wins" and the child doesn't do the activity. We act conservatively when it comes to the safety of our children. Neither of us are over-protective parents at all. And, it's understood that with age and maturity, those "unsafe" activities will become more safe and no longer be off-limits. We try to keep communication about those things open.


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## Apple Girl (Nov 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lerlerler* 
OK, call me a doubting Thomas but I find it really hard to believe she gets to 12 feet.

If the swing were already 6 feet off the ground? The laws of physics wouldn't let her get twice that height... If the swing were higher, he couldn't push her without a ladder.

So, I need more data.

lisa (mechanical engineer)

The height a swing goes off the ground will depend on the length of the rope. So if you have a swing where the base of the swing is 2' off the ground, and the rope is 20' long, hypothetically if you pushed hard enough to get the rope parallel to the ground at the highest point, you'd be 22' off the ground. Potentially higher, because sometimes swings go higher than that.

When I broke both of my arms on the swingset, I was only about 6' off the ground on a mulch playground. I was in agonizing pain for a month. I compare it to the pain of my unmedicated childbirth of my 9.5 pound baby, although I feel like childbirth was less painful because at the end I got lots of endorphins and a snuggly baby rather than an itchy cast.

This is actually very much like circ, or other harms you need to protect your children from. I still can't fully straighten my left arm, and get aches in those joints when it rains. Your DD's physical integrity (and quite possibly her life) is at risk.

I'm all about compromise when necessary, but if it was me, I'd cut the swing down. Not worth losing my baby over.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 

3 different mothers in the neighborhood have commented about how high and crazy the swing is.

I think this is significant.


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## catinthehat (Feb 10, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noobmom* 
Your DH should not use your DD to work through his issues with his father. The swing over concrete is dangerous. Climbing bookcases? Completely ridiculous. Besides being dangerous if your DD ever decides to climb bookcases that aren't mounted to the wall, it's *inappropriate* behavior. Furniture and books ought not be treated that way. It might be age-appropriate if a young child gets it in her head to climb furniture, but I would be furious if my DH was encouraging it.

I'll say it again, your DH should not use your DD to work through his issues with his father. Find him a therapist.











My dad did similar stuff to me as a kid. He would encourage me to stick my hand inside a logs where poisonous spiders may have been. He would encourage me to dodangerous things near the river(I fell in once and being unable to swim he pulled me out before I was swept away). I don't think it sounds like your husband is that extreme, but I feel encouraging a child to do dangerous things in general, is abnormal. A father should want to protect their child and teach them to explore the world safely.


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## Sotevenn (Jan 4, 2007)

Wow - that does not seem remotely safe to me... just way too risky. Swinging like that over concrete if she ever fell it seems so likely it would cause a substantial injury. I would seriously be worried about a head or spine injury.

We have a small swing set & both my kids have fallen from the swings at some point. Neither was injured, other than minor bumps & bruises, but they have a soft surface below. Both my kids are reasonably cautious, hold on tight & are generally careful and know it would likely hurt to fall from the swing, but both still at some point let go of the ropes at the high point of swinging, something startled them, they got distracted, whatever... it's just something that can & does happen.

I really hope you will trust your gut here and that your husband is willing to work with you even if he doesn't agree. It's just not a safe set up. I know it depends on your yard, but it seems like a reasonable compromise to take that swing down & set up a new one over a soft surface elsewhere in the yard.


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## KestrelDream (Jun 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patricegonzales* 

(It also swings out over the sidewalk toward the road=concrete) 3 different mothers in the neighborhood have commented about how high and crazy the swing is.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
I think this is significant.

I agree. I think the situation is dangerous. Even if it's over grass, if the grass is heavily played on, the ground is still a hard surface.

I hope the reality of the situation is realized before your three year old daughter ends up in the ER with a compound fracture.

I too deal with a husband that just doesn't see the dangers. Once, when my little one was two, he climbed up on the lawn chair to look over the side of our dough boy pool. I was standing on the porch & yelled at DH to get him. He said, "Oh, he's fine. I got him!" No sooner had he said that did my baby fall head first to the bottom of the pool. DH scooped him out, but I was absolutely livid. I still can't get that picture out of my head.

Trust your Mama instincts. We have them for a reason. I strongly feel your hubby is out of line. (((Hugs))


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I'm also going to chime in and agree with the OP that this sounds crazy.

I have pushed many, many 3 yos in swings. And many times they have gotten distracted and let go mid-swing. My dh used to push our kids as high as our swingset would allow, which is probably about 8-10 feet, until my ds1, who was 4.5 at the time, let go mid-air. Luckily, he was just very bruised and scratched, and dh stopped doing it.

Maybe you can look at your dynamic of being overly cautious, attempt to be more trusting of your dh, honor his need to be less protective than his own father, and then tell him that you are not going to budge on the swing, and that you're ready to cut it down.


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## rubidoux (Aug 22, 2003)

I would not be able to handle seeing my dh do that. And I am the less cautious one here. But that is way out of my comfort zone.

It's funny that your dh has reacted to his father's over-protectiveness this way. My dh had a super-over protective mother and has become super-over protective himself. It really makes me crazy sometimes, but maybe I should count my blessings. At least I have no fears that the kids will get hurt with him.

I vote for cutting the swing down.


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

Okay so I thought long and hard about posting this, because it is sensitive subject matter....but if it helps then I want to put it out there...

Not long ago, my 35 year old friend fell out of his second story window onto the concrete sidewalk below, fell 18 feet, trying to shut his stuck window, and died on the scene from his injuries.







His name was Gregory Denisowski and you can google him to show your dh the story...a 12 foot fall is not that different from an 18 foot fall, IMO)

Hope you guys can come to a compromise on this. I dont think you are being overprotective on this one. Yes, children fall and get hurt, but a 12 foot fall can result in much BIGGER injuries than just a few stitches.

So sorry of I alarmed you. I just want to tell you my experience....


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Any updates, OP?


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mountaingirl79* 
Okay so I thought long and hard about posting this, because it is sensitive subject matter....but if it helps then I want to put it out there...

Not long ago, my 35 year old friend fell out of his second story window onto the concrete sidewalk below, fell 18 feet, trying to shut his stuck window, and died on the scene from his injuries.







His name was Gregory Denisowski and you can google him to show your dh the story...a 12 foot fall is not that different from an 18 foot fall, IMO)

Hope you guys can come to a compromise on this. I dont think you are being overprotective on this one. Yes, children fall and get hurt, but a 12 foot fall can result in much BIGGER injuries than just a few stitches.

So sorry of I alarmed you. I just want to tell you my experience....


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## pumpkin (Apr 8, 2003)

I watched my friend fly off the swing and land face-first on the concrete when we were 4. She broke her nose. My parents took down the swing the next day. I guess it made me a little skittish because I would not be ok with what your husband is doing. It would be different if the swing were completely surrounded by grass or other relatively soft ground. Concrete or pavement in conjunction with a swing scares the crap out of me.


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## fresh_veggie (Jan 27, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
IF he took it too far and IF she hurt herself that lesson is going to be way better for both of them than you just talking about it, no?

Haven't read the rest of the posts - but from what the OP said, if she falls 12-15 feet with force and momentum over CONCRETE she's going to be dead. What kind of a lesson is that, and how in the world would that make it worth it??


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## Earthy Mama (Jun 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fresh_veggie* 
Haven't read the rest of the posts - but from what the OP said, if she falls 12-15 feet with force and momentum over CONCRETE she's going to be dead. What kind of a lesson is that, and how in the world would that make it worth it??

Exactly.


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## oursweetboys (Nov 12, 2005)

I consider myself to be pretty laid back and am all for letting kids be kids. However, we as adults have the benefits of knowledge and life experience to help us assess risk. Young children do not so we have to intervene sometimes. There are plenty of other ways for Daddy to have fun with his daughter without risking a head injury.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissLotus* 
*I don't think that just because the kid likes it means it's okay for her.* *I'm wagering that if she's never been severly injured before, she doesn't know what could happen if she fell. She's 3! So I don't know about her "knowing her own limits", etc.
*
Pushing her on a swing is fine. Pushing a 3-yr-old so high that if she fell onto the concrete, serious damage would happen = not okay. It's too much. Just because he's her father does *not* mean he's exercising good judgement!

I find it concerning that he's not listening to you, OP, if he knows this is important to you.









Especially the bolded.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
Based on the OP's original post, to me the DH's behavior seems almost passive-aggressive. She's reasoned, she's argued, she's CRIED? and he still does it? Repeatedly? In front of her? That's not right. My DH and I have frequent disagreements about safety and our 2 boys, but neither of us would ever continue to do anything that would make the other uncomfortable, let alone make them cry.

And FTR, in my relationship I'm the "unsafe" one, and I think the OP's situation seems unsafe for a 3 y/o. *No one ever plans to have an accident, that's why they're called accidents.*

Exactly. Obviously a fall wouldn't be intentional but it is a possibility. The concrete part really seals the deal but a fall on grass from that height could also likely result in serious head injury. The fact that the end result would be catastrophic and not "just a broken bone" is what makes it an unreasonable risk to take.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momo7* 
That's really all that matters.

Trust your husband. He loves his daughter too. Trust your daughter. She really does know her limits.

I'm so over the idea that a child at this age "knows her limits". She's three. She has absolutely no idea of what the consequences could be if she fell. She just knows that it is fun and exhilarating. She certainly does not have the ability to predict the consequences of a fall from such a height. It isn't about whether she is scared or not or if daddy loves her or not. It is up to her *parents* to determine what is safe for her. At this point, I question her father's judgment if he thinks this is safe.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Irishmommy* 
Well on the flip side, the OP is completely disregarding her dh's feelings. If my dh destroyed something that I enjoyed doing with my child like you suggested, there would be hell to pay.

That swing sounds awesome. As long as the rope is not frayed (or is replaced if it is frayed), then I think the OP needs to let it go.

Why does it only matter if the rope is frayed? Because the swing could break resulting in injury? The little girl could easily slip and fall and the results would be the same.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

This thread is over a month old and the OP hasn't been back lately, so I don't know if she still is reading it.


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