# Anyone else start cosleeping late... I mean REALLY late???



## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

I am giving serious thought to trying cosleeping again with dd and ds, now almost 17 months.

First, some background: dd and ds were born 2 months early, they came home from the hospital (after 1 month in the NICU) weighing barely 6lbs each @ 36 weeks equivalent... and both on apnea/bradycardia monitors "just in case".

While I was pregnant, we had set up the nursery for them with 2 cribs, nursing rocker/ottoman, etc. etc. But even when I brought them home, my gut didn't want them "all by themselves", so we put them next to each other in the same crib, which felt better. We tried cosleeping more by accident, as dh would bring one (or both!) in to me at night to nurse, when I was too tired to move the 10 feet into their room. They'd stay with us until morning.

Our upstairs is teeny... the bedrooms are very small and ours barely fits our Queen bed. Literally no room for a King or cosleeper or anything like that. It was nerve wracking and extremely challenging to sleep with them in the same bed... they were tiny, little fragile preemies with the monitor leads going every which way. You'd roll over and tug on it, and BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP one of their alarms would go off loud enough to wake someone in the house next door.

We NEVER did CIO. Ever. They were nursed to sleep, or rocked to sleep, or both. The minute they woke up, we'd go right to them. Still do.

So, here are the upsides: they fall asleep in 2-3 minutes max, no crying, just babbling happily to each other. They go to bed at 7pm, wake up at 7am, and take a decent afternoon nap of at least 1.5 hours each. I LIKE that they're not up at all hours of the night. They are well rested, and they're routine is great for them and for us.

Downsides? Well... the last week or so, dd and ds have had a cold. Not a bad one, but they're pretty miserable. For 2 nights in a row, dd woke up every hour, crying. I rushed in, and she would only fall back asleep ON me, while I held and rocked her. Finally around 2am, I just took her downstairs to our guest room and we slept the rest of the night together. She nestled right in, and didn't peep again until her usual wake-up time (7am). I think THAT's what got me thinking. Specifically, here she is, not feeling well, where her need for mama is intensified. But maybe it's not a totally distinct thing, maybe it's just a continuum, and maybe just maybe she really needs me at night, even when she's well.

I am not new to AP. Well, I was when PG and when they were newborns, but since have learned a lot more. I was always big on instinctive parenting. But cosleeping just plain didn't work out in the newborn days, so now I'm wondering...

*IS IT TOO LATE? Has anyone started cosleeping in the toddler (albeit early toddler) years? How do you do it, what approach did you take? What are the pros and cons? Do you see a big benefit/impact?*


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## Graceoc (Mar 26, 2002)

Well - I don't know if this will help, but here it goes...

We started co-sleeping with ds when he was a little over 2. He had always been a *great* sleeper and fell asleep on his own, in his crib, in his own room.....When dd was born he started having sleep issues - and DH would always go in there and comfort him back to sleep. Well then we took down his crib and put up a toddler bed....and he had a hard time falling asleep in it. So DH started to fall asleep with him in the todder bed (dh on the floor) After awhile DH just moved in there permently at night since I was co-sleeping with dd and it afforded me more room!

At 18 months now dd is the one who sleep in the crib in her own room (she does great, and sleeps well, it was definatly time for her to move) but ds still sleeps on the floor in our room in a sleeping bag!

So it is never too late - BUT it things are going good, I would hesitate to change things....sleep is a good thing!


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

I was a slow learner.

I even did (modified) Ferber with dd#1!!! She slept in a crib. I just thought that was where babies were supposed to sleep, even tho she felt differently.

I night weaned her by around age 12 mos, except for one feed.

I fully weaned her at 26 mos, when I had one month to go in my pregnancy and nursing killed me.

Then and only then, did I finally start co-sleeping! It was too hard to get her back to sleep in the night without that one nursing. And I found I *loved* it and so did dh. She stopped nightwaking when she was next to me.

Oddly, dd#2 preferred her own space and slept mostly alone from 3-9 mos (thumb sucker). Then she joined the rest of us.

3 yrs later, we were still all together, and ds joined the family. At that point, we had a double and a twin bed pushed together.

We all slept together for a long long time. Finally the girls moved out together and shared a double bed for 3 more yrs. Ds eventually left too. All in their own good time. I hope I undid some of the damage I inflicted on dd#1 in her first 2 yrs.

There is nothing better than lying awake next to your baby/toddler, or even your 5 year old and seeing their angelic faces, and feeling their warmth, their smooth skin, smelling their sweet smell. It really aids in family bonding, at any age. IME, of course.


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## SaraC (Jan 11, 2002)

I started co-sleeping with Maddie when she was about a year old. She slept great as a newborn up until about 8 months. Then her waking became so frequent that most nights I only got about 2 hours sleep. I really resisted letting her sleep with us simply because I was in the midset that everyone needed there own space. Then one night DH brought her to bed to nurse and I didn't take her back to her bed. I actually slept for the first time in like 3 months. From then on we co-slept. She still woke alot but it was much better. She slept with us until she was two and then the night waking started again. I finally realized that she needed her own space and moved her to her own room with a large bed(queen). She slept soundly from the first night with no crying. She also started taking regular naps and is a much happier child. I think she just need the time with us to work out what ever was going on in her body.

Mary-Grace has slept with us since birth but we are starting to move her to her own bed too. She is very easily awaked by us and she doesn't like sleeping next to us. She too likes her space. I don't ever CIO and if she needs to be near us then she comes to our bed.

I think you need to look to your children for the answer. Do they sleep well with each other? They aren't unhappy going to bed you say. They are happy during the day. Would it be difficult for everyone to fit in the bed. A crowded bed does not make for good sleep. I think they are just fine sleeping with each other. In fact they sound like two happy kids who sleep with their best friend and playmates. Ultimately do what your heart tells you to do. It won't fail you.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

Wow this is a lot of food for thought. I guess I always felt pangs of guilt that we couldn't cosleep earlier on. Kind of like I'd failed somehow. But you all bring up really good points about "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." It makes me wonder if I want to start cosleeping more for me, because I see it as an important component of my parenting style, vs. for them and their individual needs.

The fact is, they are "great sleepers." They sleep peacefully 12 hours a night, and take a decent afternoon nap. They wake up rarely, but when they do, are easily put back to sleep with a quick cuddle or kiss. So it does make me wonder what to do. Maybe when they go from crib to twin bed, they'll come join us more often!!


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## CurlyTop (Jun 18, 2003)

TwinMommy,

I am searching this board for help for my 17 month old twins waking at night and I found your thread. I'm so jealous









Whatever you do, sounds like you've got some good sleepers. I'll think of you tonight when mine wake me 3-4 times. And tomorrow night when it takes 45-60 minutes to get them down to sleep.

Cheers,
CurlyTop


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

It sounds to me like your twins are pretty happy where they are - which is such a blessing! A lot of children don't sleep happily wherever they are (including mine - she is almost 2 and has never slept thru the night.)
And don't beat yourself up about not co-sleeping. It sounds like you are a very nurturing and attentive mama. That's what counts!









We tried to transition Lucy back to our bed at 18mos...she had co-slept at birth, then dh wanted to move her into a crib at around 1 so we did. I immediately wanted her back in with us.
So, after 6 months of debate, I finally won and we brought her back to bed with us. (dh does ALL the nighttime care, as we are not nursing.) I think my reasons were mainly selfish; I missed sleeping with her, and I felt that she *should* be in bed with me.
It seemed to go pretty well at first...we thought it would take a few nights of geting used to on everyone's part, but it ended up being a lot different then that.
She wasn't used to our rolling around and getting up to go to the bathroom. She didn't have her white noise she was used to (a large aquarium in her bedroom.) She would wake up everytime we moved around, and when she woke, she would be confused as to why she was in Mommy and Daddy's bed at night. (even though We co-nap in our bed twice a day.) She cried in confusion a lot.

We decided to move her back to her bed, and she is much happier and soundly sleeping till about 6am, when she needs comfort, and then sleeps for another 2 hours or so. We plan to co-sleep with our next child.

If I had to do it over again, I would do this:
-get a white noise machine and get her used to having it on in her room
-moving her and the white noise machine in our room with us so that it would be familiar and our rolling around would be less disturbing.

Good luck to you!!!


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## rachdoll (Aug 18, 2003)

I'm just a mom of one at this point, and I have not done any research, just some thoughts and ideas...

Twins have such a special bond between themselves, that I would imagine they do not need to be as close to mom or dad as often as singletons do, becuase they have eachother. Not that they don't need us, but that they have always had the other sibling around, so that is part of their comfort. It sounds like they are co-sleeping, you just aren't part of the equation at this point.







ITA with several others, if it ain't broke, why fix it? If you want to sleep with them, maybe it could be occasionally, like, have a slumber party in their room every Saturday night, or take your naps together in your bed, when it won't be so crowded (presumably, dad is not home at nap time).

Anyway, my brain gets thinking faster then I can type, so I hope what I typed makes sense and doesn't sound stupid. And I don't think it's too late to start co-sleeping, I just think that if the babes are happy (except when sick, of course), why disrupt the routine?

Hope this helps!


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