# Toddler hitting newborn and tandrums... help please!



## VaMountainMomma (Jun 6, 2005)

#1... DD is 15mo and DS is 2 weeks. DD LOVES hitting and pulling on DS. I really don't think it's out of jealousy, although I could be wrong. I say this because she does the exact same thing to our cat. She chases her and squeals. She hits/grabs DS and squeals with the same mischievious look on her face. I think she thinks it's just a game. And since it gets an immediate reaction (baby cries/mommy comes running), it's "fun". Now, obviously, I don't leave Baby in reach of DD unsupervised. But she likes to "attack" when I'm changing his diaper, or when I'm holding/nursing him. I don't want to get mad at her because I don't want her to resent her new brother. But on the other hand, seeing her hurt the baby brings out all these "momma bear" feelings and I get so enraged. How would you handle this?

#2... Since I'm fairly new to GD, how do you handle tandrums in general? Like when DD wants to be held and for whatever reason I can't hold her, or she is redirected from doing something she's not supposed to... She will start screaming and throw herself on the floor. She'll then roll around, thrashing about, banging her head... *sigh*. How do you GD this?

Thanks for you help. Once I get these 2 problems under control, things will run SO much more smoothly around here. (Well, as smooth as possible with a toddler and newborn







)


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## VaMountainMomma (Jun 6, 2005)

Please? I would really appreciate the help, particularly about the tantrums. At the very least, could you point me to some threads/links with age-appropriate advice?


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Oh, gosh. I have a 15 month old right now, but no newborn. My sister had her last 2 kids (she has 4 total) who were 15 months apart, and she said it was REALLY hard, esp. at first, for the reason you describe.

As for the baby, you absolutely cannot expect any control from your 15 month old. You really have TWO babies. What I'd do is to practice (beforehand) how to calm yourself down when the older baby does something (I know it's not possible to prevent all grabbing). Ultimately, I think it's going to be all about prevention (try using a carrier if you don't already).

As for the tantrums, I don't know . . .15 months is so little! The only thing I can think of is to learn how to carry (in a carrier) 2 babies at once.








mama, I don't think this would be easy for anyone!!!!!!


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## Oceanone (Oct 24, 2002)

There is plenty of great information on awareparenting.org and you could start with this link

http://www.awareparenting.com/tantrums.htm

It's so hard with two very little ones to care for. Does your DD get some time on her own with you? Special time with mama can help.


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## SugarAndSun (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mizelenius*
As for the baby, you absolutely cannot expect any control from your 15 month old. You really have TWO babies. What I'd do is to practice (beforehand) how to calm yourself down when the older baby does something (I know it's not possible to prevent all grabbing). Ultimately, I think it's going to be all about prevention (try using a carrier if you don't already).

I have a 20 month old and a nine week old. I had/have the most problems while nursing and diaper changes as well. While I believe it is true that you can't _expect_ any control out of your toddler,you certainly can be teaching it along the way. We have been teaching ds1 gentle.... kissing, rubbing, give [item] in ds2's hand, etc. Heis certainly making progress and is really learning to be sweet and gentle. Now is don't expect him to do this (I neverleave the baby in his reach), but I expect him to be learning to be gentle.

I have to add that my mama bear instincts came out in the beginning and only madeit worse. Ds1 felt like he had some strange, crazy mama. After I went back to treating him more gently, heprogressed much more quickly.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mizelenius*
As for the tantrums, I don't know . . .15 months is so little! The only thing I can think of is to learn how to carry (in a carrier) 2 babies at once.

BTW, out carrier is proceless! I especially suggest a wrap or mei tai as you can truly be hands free. I often wear ds2 in the mei tai and carry ds1 on my hip. (Last weekend I had ds2 on the front and ds1 on the back!)


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## nonnymoose (Mar 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SugarAndSun*
I have to add that my mama bear instincts came out in the beginning and only madeit worse. Ds1 felt like he had some strange, crazy mama. After I went back to treating him more gently, heprogressed much more quickly.

Yes, yes, yes! When I brought the baby home, it seemed like DS1 had tripled in size overnight. The first couple of weeks were REALLY hard...until I realized that I was treating DS1 like he was suddenly five instead of two. Things were much better after that! We still have moments, but they're far fewer. I have a lot of sympathy for my poor little guy with his mom pushing him off (the baby) when he tries to climb up. I make an effort to scoot over now.


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## momsmyjob (Oct 7, 2003)

I'm dealing with the same thing with my 18 mo and 2 week old.


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## Korimomto2 (May 8, 2006)

that's pretty much us too. I have a 18 month old ds and a 4wk old dd. jack loves Loves LOVES his sister so much that he is constantly kissing, stroking, poking and squeezing her. It is hard to redirect since it's mostly just over exuberant affection *sigh* but we emphasize gentle touches and light kisses.

he tantrums when I nurse her if I don't nurse him at the same time (which I'm just not always willing to do...sometimes, yes, but not all the time!). he tantrums if I'm carrying her and can't pick him up RIGHT AWAY. he tantrums if I'm wearing her in a wrap or sling and can't nurse him. etc, etc.

generally I just name his emotions while he screams and try to help him understand that he can wait a moment while mama puts down the baby or that mama can give him loves in a different way (sharing a lap or he can do a hug from behind or i can rub his back etc.)

Anyway, it's HARD! But we're getting through it. Good Luck!!


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