# pot smoking teen



## nancynance (Mar 30, 2007)

DH and I are wrestling over how to handle DS who we are pretty sure is smoking pot with his friends. He will be 18 in 2 months, and is planning on attending the local community college. Do we drug test him at home? I hate that idea. Do we tell him he has to stop or he has to leave home? I hate that idea too. Not really having any other problems with him, just don't know what's the wise thing to do.


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## ~Demeter~ (Jul 22, 2006)

He's almost 18 and can make the choice to put marijuana in his body if he wants to. I wouldn't say anything about it unless it became a problem.. If you have had drug talks with him then I'm sure he knows the 'risks' that come along with choosing to use drugs. I definitely wouldn't drug test him at home.

With my teen I just keep the lines of communication open.. I've told him my own personal experiences with marijuana and I've asked that he not experiment with it. I have told him that I can ask that of him but I can not demand he not put something into his body.. it's his body, his choice. I think being open about is far more important...

Just my 2 cents.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I think it's fair to set rules about what you will or will not permit in your own home- such as "don't keep illegal drugs in the house and don't use them here. I don't want to face legal consequences for YOUR actions." But I don't think you really have any say over what he puts into his body when he's away from home.

You also need to research what your own legal liability is for the next two months. *Can* you get into legal trouble for a minor using drugs if he's caught with them before his birthday?


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

At almost 18, there isn't anything you can do except let him know that you won't allow it in the house.

The wise thing to do is not make a huge issue over it. Unless it's to the point of interfering with his life, pot is not a danger to him. Maybe discuss responsible use, such as no driving if he's been smoking weed.


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## SashaBreeze (Apr 18, 2009)

I pretty much agree with everyone else but I would like to add to what MusicianDad said. Definitely stress the not driving while stoned or letting himself be drove around by someone stoned. Let him know if he is stuck in a situation to call you and you will give him a lift. If he doesn't want to look like a dork tell him to explain that you have to pick him up because you are taking him somewhere (dr, shopping, whatever).
Almost all of my friends smoked pot when I was a young teen. I did not because I am allergic to it, MAJOR allergic to it. So I had a unique perspective in the whole driving around stoned topic. My friends all claimed that smoking pot before driving actually focused them more. Trust me, I was not stoned and NO being stoned did NOT help them drive better.







It's amazing we all lived to tell the tell.


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## Monkeypants (Apr 30, 2004)

Honestly I wouldn't even worry about it. I would be much more concerned if he was drinking a lot. If you have a problem with it in the house (which is sounds like you do) make that clear. He's going to be 18 soon and can make his own decisions, he just needs to be respectful of your feelings about it.


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## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

I would not do the drug testing.

As a misguided teen, I smoked pot. In retrospect it slowed me down, made it hard to be social and gave me low self esteem.

I am lucky to be alive from driving under influence from it, and riding with others while they were.

But being very strict will push him away. My mom started charging me rent, when I got really bad including drinking and staying out late. That made me move out and things got worse.

Is he bored? Maybe he needs to find something incredibly interesting where pot would not have a place. I was mostly bored.

Hopefully this is as far as it will go with your son. Good luck.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

I agree that you can lay down the law about not having it in your house, but beyond that, there's not so much you can do. I think the only thing you'll accomplish by drug testing is destroying any relationship you have with him.

Personally, I think it's pretty harmless and should be legal, but getting caught with it can have lifelong consequences, and I think I'd try to explain that. For example, I know people who have been turned down as adoptive parents over a MJ arrest, and people who have had trouble getting certain types of employment.


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## LVale (May 4, 2004)

I had 2 teenage sons and our rules were no drugs in the house,( and we already did the lecture of what drugs do to you, etc) , and the second rule was if you got busted, we were not going to bail you out of jail! That is what really got through to them, and I am happy to report they are both married have families, and don't do drugs and have never been arrested!


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## elsie123 (Feb 17, 2009)

I think you have to find your own comfort level with this sort of issue. What works for one family may not work for you.

For me, I've made it very clear to my son that drug users are not welcome to stay in our home. We certainly know, and are friends with, people who smoke mj, and they are aware that they can't stay overnight, or bring it to the house.

If I catch my son doing drugs as he grows up, or suspect he is doing them, he will be randomly drug tested from then on until he is an adult. Beyond that as well, if he expects to stay here while he goes to college or saves money while working, etc. If he wants to continue living here at any point, he'll test clean. I know what I can handle living with and I have drawn my necessary line in the sand.

This zero tolerance policy is based on the fact that addictive tendencies are genetic, and it runs in my son's family. It's not going to happen on my watch, and I don't believe it is any kind of right of passage that kids have to go through.


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## imagine21 (Apr 7, 2007)

Some kids experiment, some make lifestyle choices that I agree with and some that I do not. Some make lifestyle choices that are dangerous to health and some are innocuous. I would MUCH rather my teen smoke pot than drink alcohol. I would much rather my teen smoke pot than smoke cigarettes. People don't die from smoking pot, the same cannot be said for alcohol, cigarettes, narcotics, prescription drugs, cocaine, meth amphetamines etc... (And before someone says that smoking pot increases the chance of getting lung cancer, the most recent studies show the opposite http://www.webmd.com/lung-cancer/new...to-lung-cancer.) In other words, all drugs are not equal, most teenagers know this and think that adults are naive, ill informed or both if they present "drugs" as a monolithic problem.

As a high school teacher and a parent, I can say that I have seen teenagers have the genetic addictive tendencies mentioned by elsie123 and have a very difficult time taking care of their responsibilities in school. These kids cannot smoke pot and lead normal lives effectively. They have a problem and need to stop; and this problem will exist regardless of their drug of choice. I have also seen teenagers smoke pot daily and have it not interfere one iota with their academic abilities and get into top schools like Brown and Harvard. I can't say the same thing about those drugs mentioned above as they cause greater problems even in the kids without the addictive personalities. Each kid is different, and predicting whether smoking pot will be a problem or not doesn't do any kid any good. Open communication is the key. If you have rules in your home, make them known. If you live in a state that criminalizes marijuana, there are legal risks that obviously need discussion. To the OP; once you determine exactly what your objection is, it will be easier to have the discussion.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancynance* 
DH and I are wrestling over how to handle DS who we are pretty sure is smoking pot with his friends. He will be 18 in 2 months, and is planning on attending the local community college. Do we drug test him at home? I hate that idea. Do we tell him he has to stop or he has to leave home? I hate that idea too. Not really having any other problems with him, just don't know what's the wise thing to do.

I was a pot smoking teen. My parents let me take my own path, and figure life out for myself. I would just let your son be.


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## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

I would cut any financial support I was giving him the minute he turned 18. No way I would want my money supporting his drug habit. If you are offering him room and/or board, paying any part of his tuition, or in any other way financially subsidizing his life, he is answerable to your expectations of him. It sounds like YOUR expectation is that he not do illegal drugs. It doesn't really matter imo how harmless someone might think pot is - it is ILLEGAL.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Artichokie* 
I would cut any financial support I was giving him the minute he turned 18. No way I would want my money supporting his drug habit. If you are offering him room and/or board, paying any part of his tuition, or in any other way financially subsidizing his life, he is answerable to your expectations of him. It sounds like YOUR expectation is that he not do illegal drugs. It doesn't really matter imo how harmless someone might think pot is - it is ILLEGAL.

Just curious how that tactic would be successful in anyway? Seems like it would be more likely to cause harm than actually smoking pot.

No matter how _illegal_ some people think pot is (which is not the case every where, even within the US) it's safer than cigarettes, or alcohol, or ending up homeless, money less and living on the streets.


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## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Just curious how that tactic would be successful in anyway? Seems like it would be more likely to cause harm than actually smoking pot.

No matter how _illegal_ some people think pot is (which is not the case every where, even within the US) it's safer than cigarettes, or alcohol, or ending up homeless, money less and living on the streets.

He'll be a grown man - that is his choice if he wants to let it harm him. He could choose to get a job rather than go to school, support himself and smoke all the pot he wants. But if he is using his parents money and they oppose the smoking of pot - it is rude and disrespectful to spend their resources on that. While medicinal pot is legal many places, I'm not aware of anywhere in which recreational pot is. I can't imagine the two of us are going to agree on this. I think it is extremely disrespectful for him to take money/resources from his parents and not follow their rules.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Artichokie* 
He'll be a grown man - that is his choice if he wants to let it harm him. He could choose to get a job rather than go to school, support himself and smoke all the pot he wants. But if he is using his parents money and they oppose the smoking of pot - it is rude and disrespectful to spend their resources on that. While medicinal pot is legal many places, I'm not aware of anywhere in which recreational pot is. I can't imagine the two of us are going to agree on this. I think it is extremely disrespectful for him to take money/resources from his parents and not follow their rules.

Off the top of my head... Pot is decriminalized in California, Alaska, New York. Here in Canada the legality of pot is in limbo. It's illegal, but chances of actually being charged at pretty small.

I still don't see how kicking an 18 year old out of the house is going to help. So maybe he gets a job an supports himself. More likely he can't find a job because he has no permanent residence or he gets a job that doesn't pay enough for him to support himself. Just because he is living at home, it doesn't mean he is being supported by his parents. An 18 year old ending up homeless and with far more issues than smoking a little weed with friends is a _very_ real possibility when said 18 year old gets kicked out. If you can handle the guilt that would go along with knowing you ruined your child's life, fine. But justifying it by saying "it's disrespectful to do X" is making my stomach turn.

You're right, we probably won't agree on this. I think it's disgustingly disrespectful to kick an 18 year old out of the house just because you don't like what he does with his friends.


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## WCM (Dec 15, 2007)

OP, what stuck out most to me in your post was the last part, that your son is fine otherwise, in your opinion, it's just the pot issue.

Sounds like you have raised a great kid who's stretching his wings as an adult. I'd keep doing whatever you have been doing and respect him as you would any other adult.

I agree about pointing out that you're aware of what he's doing and that your concern (as far as I can tell) is driving high, or being with others who are. But otherwise, let it go, as others (except artichokie) have said.


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## imagine21 (Apr 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
I think it's disgustingly disrespectful to kick an 18 year old out of the house just because you don't like what he does with his friends.

Amen, brother.


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## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Off the top of my head... Pot is decriminalized in California, Alaska, New York. Here in Canada the legality of pot is in limbo. It's illegal, but chances of actually being charged at pretty small.

I still don't see how kicking an 18 year old out of the house is going to help. So maybe he gets a job an supports himself. More likely he can't find a job because he has no permanent residence or he gets a job that doesn't pay enough for him to support himself. Just because he is living at home, it doesn't mean he is being supported by his parents. An 18 year old ending up homeless and with far more issues than smoking a little weed with friends is a _very_ real possibility when said 18 year old gets kicked out. If you can handle the guilt that would go along with knowing you ruined your child's life, fine. But justifying it by saying "it's disrespectful to do X" is making my stomach turn.

You're right, we probably won't agree on this. I think it's disgustingly disrespectful to kick an 18 year old out of the house just because you don't like what he does with his friends.

why would he choose pot over school and shelter? that is the only situation in which my suggestion would cause him financial issues. the OP implies she opposes the use of pot and it is her money (theoretically).


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Artichokie* 
why would he choose pot over school and shelter? that is the only situation in which my suggestion would cause him financial issues. the OP implies she opposes the use of pot and it is her money (theoretically).

Why should he have to?

There are millions of successful, intelligent, capable people out there who occasionally smoke pot with friends. The OP also said they aren't having any other trouble with him. Why create a greater problem when no problem exists?


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Off the top of my head... Pot is decriminalized in California, Alaska, New York.

Add Massachusetts and Maine. There are a handful of other states, as well.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Artichokie* 
why would he choose pot over school and shelter? that is the only situation in which my suggestion would cause him financial issues. the OP implies she opposes the use of pot and it is her money (theoretically).

Well, everyone has their own reasons, and the OP didn't explicitly state that money has anything to do with her issue.

I don't know why a kid would think pot is more important than school or shelter. I also don't know why a parent would think pot is more important than school or shelter.

I think the OP needs to pop back in to this thread and give more info before any suggestions can be made.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Artichokie* 
why would he choose pot over school and shelter? that is the only situation in which my suggestion would cause him financial issues. the OP implies she opposes the use of pot and it is her money (theoretically).

It wouldn't necessarily be a matter of choosing _pot_ over school and shelter. In this situation, my ex and I would have both probably allowed ourselves to be kicked out. In my ex's case, it would have been because he couldn't bear to live without the pot (I wish I'd fully realized that sooner than I did, too). In my case, it would have been because I'd have been so incredibly pissed off, and felt so completely disrespected, by the fact that the issue was being framed that way.

I don't really have enough info on the OP's situation to have a strong opinion, though. I don't even know why they believe he's smoking pot.


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## SashaBreeze (Apr 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
I don't know why a kid would think pot is more important than school or shelter.

Just my









I dont think the pot has anything to do with it in most cases where the parents give them that sort of choice. It has more to do with the teens need/desire to make their own choices. While an adult/parent can disagree with them, when there is no mutual respect taking place during the conversation but instead a bunch of "my way or the highway" type of talking TO instead of WITH than it often comes to the point where the teen feels that his opinions and views are not valued and that they would rather live out and about with friends or what ever rather than to live with someone that still sees them as a child.

We would be talking about a hard core addict, of most likely something a LOT more dangerous that pot, in order to make a teen honestly rather have the drug than school or a home. So no, in most cases it is not about the drug it is about respect, and respect done properly is a two way street.


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## HeliMom (Jan 14, 2010)

If you have the type of relationship where you can talk about it, I would. You can preface the talk with the point that you are going to be understanding but that you feel strongly about it so you might need him to be patient with you as you feel it out.

I'd try talking amorally about the potential legal consequences, as well as the safety issues of driving under the influence. Another point concerning safety is where is he getting it from? Illegal substances don't often come from someone's home stash. More often than not they are can be traced back to a very large supply and unscrupulous group of people that, while your son may not have direct contact with, may have contact with his supplier. I used to go along with my friend in college when she'd pick up her pot. One day (luckily we were not there) her dealer was robbed and murdered for the drugs and the money along with the other people in the house.

What is most important is you want you son to understand that you love him, you want what is best for him, and that you are scared that this could harm him beyond the chemical affect it has on him. I do not believe forcing him to take drug tests will help nor kicking him out. I had friends whose parents took this route and the kids broke off their relationship with their parents felt utterly betrayed and took to drugs more so as a refuge. There were also a few friends that learned how to lie through their teeth to their parents about such things. I truly feel appealing to your son as a rational adult is best especially if he's doing fine otherwise. You love your son, make sure that that is the message he hears when you do bring the subject up.


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## SashaBreeze (Apr 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeliMom* 
What is most important is you want you son to understand that you love him, you want what is best for him, and that you are scared that this could harm him beyond the chemical affect it has on him. I do not believe forcing him to take drug tests will help nor kicking him out. I had friends whose parents took this route and the kids broke off their relationship with their parents felt utterly betrayed and took to drugs more so as a refuge. There were also a few friends that learned how to lie through their teeth to their parents about such things. I truly feel appealing to your son as a rational adult is best especially if he's doing fine otherwise. You love your son, make sure that that is the message he hears when you do bring the subject up.


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## nancynance (Mar 30, 2007)

Thanks everyone for your input - I haven't had access to a computer for a couple of days. Yeah - your responses were just what I imagined, some (actually most) saying let him figure it out for himself, others saying he absolutely SHOULDN'T be smoking pot while living with us if that's what we want.

I don't want him to live out on the streets (worst case scenario, which I could totally see happening if we draw a line in the sand). But I also worry about being an "enabler" and I worry about the message we're sending our teenage daughter if her brother gets to smoke pot with no negative consequences from us. Will that make her more likely to smoke pot as well? Also, what about the dangers of pot being a "gateway" drug?

I guess if it were just up to me, I'd say as long as he can handle his responsibilities, I'm not going to worry about what he does with his friends. But I know a lot of people may not agree with me, and I worry that they may be right. Bottom line, I don't want to drive my son away.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

The idea that pot is a gateway drug has been discredited for years. Honestly, I am always surprised when it comes up. Smoking pot does _not_ lead someone to other, harder drugs. It just doesn't. Having friends that use harder drugs is what does that, seeking methods of self medication does that. In the grand scheme of things, smoking pot is less dangerous than some of the legal drugs out there that he will eventually, if not all ready, have access too.

As for you daughter. She will make her own choice, you could call the cops and have your son arrested and she still may choose to smoke pot simply because she is a different person than her brother. I have been smoking pot since high school with no negative consequences from my parents, my brother only did it once and never again.

If your instinct is to not worry about it unless it starts affecting his life, then follow that. No one else knows your son the way you do. None of us here know him, or have met him, strangers on the streets, friends you have don't know him and don't have the same instinct about what his smoking a little weed with friends means that you do.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

I don't believe that marijuana is a gateway drug....merely because I know tons of people who smoke pot, and only a couple who use other drugs.

I think the worry comes from its illegal status. If pot wasn't illegal, would you have all these fears and concerns? If your son was 21, living at home, and drinking beer....would you worry about your daughter drinking beer?

My boys have friends who smoke, and they do not. But if it ever came up, I would much rather have them smoking pot than drinking or smoking cigarettes. At least pot isn't full of poisons, and I don't know of anyone who got killed by a stoned driver.


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## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

I agree that I would prefer dabbling in pot than alcohol any day, I dabble myself still. I wish it were legal. However, I think one thing that would be a benefit to your son is to research exactly what the legal consequences are in your area. In our area it's a minimum 10,000 experience to get charged with possession. That's including court costs etc. Discuss all the aspects of why it's illegal as well as why maybe it ought to be legal, but here are they ways to stay safe and they likely ways it could get you into trouble and what to do to avoid that. I have been getting myself prepared for this stuff, my kids are preteen.

The one thing that I do know is that it *does* seem to cause an anxiety backlash and depression, especially the more you use. I used to use daily and it took awhile to extricate myself from that and I really did see a difference. Now I choose carefully when I want to partake, because I know the next day I'm going to want to have a pajama day and be 'off' kind of like a hang over.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I would also stress the "Don't smoke and drive" rule. Our adult neighbors smoke pot, but they never leave the block. Nobody ever drives after partying. Any kind of (grownup) partying. If they are hosting, the partiers either stay there, or live within walking distance.

I don't care what everybody else on MDC says, you can't smoke pot and be a safe driver.

But, beyond that, if he's getting decent grades, and is holding up his end of the responsibilities, I don't think there's anything else you can do.


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

I don't think him smoking pot is an issue, or has to be one. As long as he is still able to keep up with his responsibilities.
It is not a gateway drug and many people use it and are active, normal members of society. It is true.
Check out the NORML website and http://www.jackherer.com/chapters.html to get more info on all of that, if you are interested.

It is dangerous to do in open public, because of it's current illegal status, so I would warn him so use it discreetly for the time being. There are sprays and certain air sanitizers, not to mention vaporizers, to make it more safe, so to speak.

ETA: My belief on pot is that it is senselessly prohibited, and the laws surrounding it need to change. The punishment for having it/ growng it far outweighs any harm the plant itself can do to a person.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

No pot in our house. If this leads to him moving out.. then so be it.We don't have to approve of any illegal behaviors just because our kids may want us to.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

We would handle it the same way we are handling alcohol with our 20 year old son. I know he parties with his friends on the weekends. He never drives impaired, always lines up a D.D., and on the rare occasion that he has brought beer into the house, he tells me about it - doesn't leave it around as a little surprise for me. He goes to work every day, maintains a very active non drinking social life, goes to school - just likes to drink beer on the weekends. I will never buy him or his friends beer, we host no parties here, and he knows that any MIP ticket will be dealt with by him. Frankly, I would much rather he smoked a little recreational mj than drink, but marijuana is not his thing.

I do find it a bit extreme that anyone would put a kid out for smoking. Would those parents do the same for underage drinking?


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## ~D~ (Aug 10, 2008)

*


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## MovnMama (Jul 3, 2009)

I'm a little new to MDC, but I just had to weigh in with what I perceive to be an ethical/emotional similarity here. I have a 3yo DS and therefore watch the young child posts more often. A big issue there, especially with educating non-MDC philosophy type people, is CIO and other kinds of extreme punitive measures, spanking, etc., vs. Gentle Discipline approaches.

So my question, as the mother of a toddler/preschooler and a high school teacher, is... how is kicking your 18yo child out of the house for smoking pot, or even doing any illegal activity you don't approve of, different from, say, spanking a young child? Isn't it totally punitive, punishment, tit-for-tat with no option for making a good decision? No chance to do the right thing, to grow morally as a person, to make some reasonable argument, to develop negotiation skills, to explain themselves, etc.?

I guess I'm just wondering, doesn't this "my kid smokes pot in my house, I'm kicking them out - they have to deal with making a bad choice" situation sound a lot like "my 3yo defied me in the grocery store and ran away from me, so I spanked him - he needs to learn a lesson"?

Believe me, I know the developmental differences between a 3yo (pre-operational) and 18yo (formal operational). But still, I thought a major philosophical belief of people in these forums was that all human beings deserve respect and kindness, and that punitive measures are questionable at best for dealing with any person, child or adult.

This post is not directly for the OP (BTW, I totally agree with your discuss, watch-and-wait, don't push your child away stance), but a general inquiry for the various PP who have widely varied responses. Just curious if anyone else sees/agrees with this similarity.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovnMama* 

So my question, as the mother of a toddler/preschooler and a high school teacher, is... how is kicking your 18yo child out of the house for smoking pot, or even doing any illegal activity you don't approve of, different from, say, spanking a young child? Isn't it totally punitive, punishment, tit-for-tat with no option for making a good decision? No chance to do the right thing, to grow morally as a person, to make some reasonable argument, to develop negotiation skills, to explain themselves, etc.?

Well, spank your child once and chances are the damage will be repaired if you never do it again and are an attentive parent. Kick your teen out once and... Well I believe I illustrated the issues that can be caused above. Homelessness, criminal behaviour, etc (and no despite laws I don't really consider smoking pot to be a criminal behaviour.)

But, yeah, kicking them out is basically saying "my way or the highway, bub!" In our house we teach our children to be individuals and that includes occasionally having opinions that differ from DH's and mine.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovnMama* 
I guess I'm just wondering, doesn't this "my kid smokes pot in my house, I'm kicking them out - they have to deal with making a bad choice" situation sound a lot like "my 3yo defied me in the grocery store and ran away from me, so I spanked him - he needs to learn a lesson"?

Hmm, I guess all I have to say is "my house, my rules". I don't break the law or engage in illegal activities of any kind..... neither should anyone under my roof. My longtime spouse feels the same way. We make our expectations clear to our teens and we've had no issues so far.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I think that having a conversation with him and discussing that you don't want your DD around him while smoking weed or having weed in the house. Also for sure talking about not driving while under the influence. Aside from that I honestly would'nt have a problem with it. I support responsible Marijuana use over any Alcohol use- 100% of the time. Weed is much safer than alcohol, and as such I would rather my kids use marijuana.


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## litanyagainstfear (Aug 31, 2009)

This is not really for OP, since it doesn't seem she is leaning toward this decision, but if kicking a kid out for smoking pot is truly an option, do you also kick the kid out if you find out he occasionally speeds when he drives? Speeding is just as much a deviance from a law as smoking pot; yet if parents felt speeding necessitated immediate punitive action as extreme as removing a child from the home, there would be an awful lot of homeless teens.


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## Chamomile Girl (Nov 4, 2008)

All I've gotta say is authoritarianism rarely begets obedience...but often creates obfuscation. As a high school teacher I have heard many, many stories from teens about what they successfully hide from their parents. I find it so very sad that a parent would feel entitled to random authority over a teen simply because "my house my rules". Its not just your house, but the house of all who live there. To see it otherwise is not really respecting your kids.

Open dialogue is always much more powerful than a line drawn in the sand. Showing your kids you respect them as responsible adults is even better.

And while we are on this topic, are we all obligated to follow laws we don't agree with (and had no part in creating) simply because they are laws? Should I not seek a homebirth in a state where it is illegal for example? Anti-marijuana laws were historically created for the benefit of corporations (cough*DuPont*cough) and because of racist fears of "co-mingling". Both silly reasons. So using the "its illegal" argument holds no water IMO.

California is on the path to legalizing recreational marijuana. If they do they are going to make bank, and all the other states are going to be jealous lol!


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chamomile Girl* 
All I've gotta say is authoritarianism rarely begets obedience...but often creates obfuscation. As a high school teacher I have heard many, many stories from teens about what they successfully hide from their parents. I find it so very sad that a parent would feel entitled to random authority over a teen simply because "my house my rules". Its not just your house, but the house of all who live there. To see it otherwise is not really respecting your kids.

Open dialogue is always much more powerful than a line drawn in the sand. Showing your kids you respect them as responsible adults is even better.

And while we are on this topic, are we all obligated to follow laws we don't agree with (and had no part in creating) simply because they are laws? Should I not seek a homebirth in a state where it is illegal for example? Anti-marijuana laws were historically created for the benefit of corporations (cough*DuPont*cough) and because of racist fears of "co-mingling". Both silly reasons. So using the "its illegal" argument holds no water IMO.

California is on the path to legalizing recreational marijuana. If they do they are going to make bank, and all the other states are going to be jealous lol!

agreed. what happens if it is legalized in your state and your previous stance was "my house my rules" and you would be willing to boot your kid for it. Are you going to do a complete 180 if you kid wants to smoke and acknowledge that since it is legal they can do it in the house? It makes no sense to me I guess the hardline attitude.


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## ~D~ (Aug 10, 2008)

*


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## nancynance (Mar 30, 2007)

Okay - I'm the original poster and I have one more question to throw out there. Does anyone have any experience, either first hand or second, of whether or not pot smoking stunts your emotional/intellectual growth? I mean, my son is not yet 18 and I know the neural pathways in his brain are still developing. I don't want any substance to get in the way of him realizing his potential.


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## Mirrormonkey (Jan 6, 2009)

It's just pot, not a drug I would worry about.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mirrormonkey* 
It's just pot, not a drug I would worry about.

But some of us do. I tell my kids its not worth the fines or jail time.


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## Chamomile Girl (Nov 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancynance* 
Okay - I'm the original poster and I have one more question to throw out there. Does anyone have any experience, either first hand or second, of whether or not pot smoking stunts your emotional/intellectual growth? I mean, my son is not yet 18 and I know the neural pathways in his brain are still developing. I don't want any substance to get in the way of him realizing his potential.

I think it depends on the individual. I've known some to use pot as a crutch...or maybe a better way to explain it would be as an excuse for immature irresponsibility. But I also know lots of folks who smoke and are pillars of their communities. I know lots of high school teachers who are at the top of their game and smoke. So I'm not sure its pot as much as its the character of the individual. Much like any mind-altering experience (alcohol, shopping, video games).

Personally I am horribly allergic to marijuana (thanks alot mom!), so no personal evidence here.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancynance* 
Okay - I'm the original poster and I have one more question to throw out there. Does anyone have any experience, either first hand or second, of whether or not pot smoking stunts your emotional/intellectual growth? I mean, my son is not yet 18 and I know the neural pathways in his brain are still developing. I don't want any substance to get in the way of him realizing his potential.

Doesn't seem to have stunted my intellectual or emotional growth. I also know many intelligent and stable adult who have smoked pot since they were teens.


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## MommaKitten21 (May 12, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancynance* 
Okay - I'm the original poster and I have one more question to throw out there. Does anyone have any experience, either first hand or second, of whether or not pot smoking stunts your emotional/intellectual growth? I mean, my son is not yet 18 and I know the neural pathways in his brain are still developing. I don't want any substance to get in the way of him realizing his potential.

Well, here's a list of famous successful pot smokers for you after a quick google search that took me about 5 minutes:

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, Andrew Jackson, Zachary Taylor, and Franklin Pierce.

George W Bush and Obama have admitted to pot use, but it's debate-worthy whether or not they are "successful"









Richard Feynman - Nobel Prize winner in physics
steven spielberg
Joe Rogan said he was stoned for every episode of Fear Factor
Dennis Hopper
Marc Emery
Brad Pitt
Megan Fox
Louis Armstrong
Bill Murray
Michael Phelps
Adrianne Curry
Ed Rosenthal
Sean Penn
Debby Goldsberry
Matthew McConaughey
Bob Marley
Montel Williams (medical marijuana user to treat his ms)
Bill Maher
Paul McCartney
Willie Nelson
Rodney Dangerfield
Michael Bloomberg
Ted Turner
Stephen King
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I can tell how much you love your child, but I honestly would not be worried about pot smoking at all ...especially since he is a current user, and it's obviously not preventing him from wanting to continue his education. I say a job well done mama on raising your ds, and now it's time for him to spread his own wings


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## TnMsMama (Jul 12, 2010)

I'm crashing this thread - not a parent of a teen, but I am a recovering teen (by that, I mean an adult LOL) but my folks were pretty laid back about pot. I couldn't do it in the house, couldn't HAVE it in the house, and if my grades slipped, I got grounded. Those rules were all laid out before I even tohught of trying it. I got stoned one night around 17, came home, "bragged" to my dad "i'm sooo high", really expecting a big reaction and he said "cool. If you get the munchies and make a sandwich, make me one too" and that was it. Totally took the wind out of my sails and I didn't do it again till I was in my 20s, and then just once more.

As for the PP who said not to spend parent's money on pot - I know that my folks never gave me enough money to buy pot - I had a job (at almost 18) and I used that money to buy all my contraband (taco bell and NIN CDs, mostly)


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## imagine21 (Apr 7, 2007)

I have been a daily pot smoker since I was 15. I attended a top 10 university, I have degrees in history, political science and international development. I taught high school government for 17 years. I have two happy well adjusted children (14 and 4), the products of a successful and loving marriage. Some people don't do well with cannabis, I do just fine.


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## SashaBreeze (Apr 18, 2009)

Hmmm I dont think they have really done a trust worthy study on it. But I could be wrong...

I know that you can stream a movie about the effects of pot like you are talking about on Netflix its called Super High Me. Its interesting, but I would hardly call it "scientific".

It is hard to go by just personal stories on the issue because it really just depends on who you talk to. I know a guy that smoked a lot during his teen years (and still does as far as I know) and people are proud of him when he makes a full sentence. On the other hand I know another guy that smoked just as much pot during his teen years (and still does as far as I know) that was valedictorian of his graduating class and is a professional rock climber.







I think you will just have to watch him and go with your gut on this one.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

I see a child on pot as one who is trying to self-medicate.

What is going on in his life that he's trying to numb?


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

http://revver.com/video/1263946/mari...rain-function/

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0115070706.htm


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## Earthy Mama (Jun 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancynance* 
Okay - I'm the original poster and I have one more question to throw out there. Does anyone have any experience, either first hand or second, of whether or not pot smoking stunts your emotional/intellectual growth? I mean, my son is not yet 18 and I know the neural pathways in his brain are still developing. I don't want any substance to get in the way of him realizing his potential.


It really depends. In my family of 5 (parents, my 2 brothers and myself) we have all been habitual pot smokers. My father, in the 90s was one of 2 or 3 people in the country who could repair some medical imaging equipment. My mother, was a teacher, I graduated 6th in my class in high school and now run an after school art studio, my oldest brother graduated from MIT, and my youngest brother dropped out of high school and is unemployed (though he's BRILLIANT he has no motivation).

Some people will let it interfere with their lives. Some people know how to self-impose limits.


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## madeirameg (Feb 5, 2008)

Hi,

I'm fairly new to this site, I've spent years on other parenting sites but found my way back here looking for advise for my similar situation. It seems that most of the replies here reinforce my gut instincts, leaning towards the keeping communication lines open and not "punishing".

My DD is 13 and we're dealing with the same issues. She's otherwise the "perfect child", straight As, extremely artistically talented, socially comfortable, stunningly beautiful, doesn't bombard us with any of that hormonal, door-slamming bitchiness that most girls her age are experiencing...but she's smoking pot. When she first got caught by a friends mom, she called me crying, saying how sorry she was and wouldn't do it again...I think she expected punishment...but I told her how proud I was that she told me and that while I was really not happy with it and REALLY wished that she wouldn't, that it was up to her to make good decisions. I told her about the fact that her 13 year old brain is still developing and it was uncertain how the pot might effect brain development and all that. But she's still using it, and NOT lying to me about it (not flaunting or anything, just not lying when I ask her). I dunno, it's all SOO confusing.

The friend who she got caught with, her mom is taking the hard line...took away all her "toys" (computer, phone etc) banned her from seeing the friends involved, sent her away from the summer and her DD HATES her with a passion, calls her the most horrible names. I love my daughter so, I'd be totally crushed if she ever spoke about me like that


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A* 
I see a child on pot as one who is trying to self-medicate.

What is going on in his life that he's trying to numb?

Or maybe he just wants a break from the stresses of life, as we all need sometimes... If he were walking around stoned 24/7, however, I might be inclined to agree with you.


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## bronxmom (Jan 22, 2008)

I'm with the "let it be" posters. I also agree with the poster who compared punitive approaches to parenting toddlers to punitive approaches with teens. Both don't respect the developmental needs and human rights of the children involved.

I have to say that I REALLY disagree with a "my house my rules" approach to a teenager. Teenagers do not have much ability to support themselves independently successfully. I'm not saying it can't be done, but job opportunities are less, housing opportunities nearly impossible, etc. It is expected that kids will live with their parents at least until they're sixteen and preferably eighteen. That means that they are FORCED to live with you in essence. If you impose arbitrary rules jthen you are violating their independent human rights in my opinion. Teens can't make all the decisions in a house and of course there have to be some rules, but they should have a role in negotiating them and have some control over their lives. If our society is going to artificially extend childhood way past the point when kids could have a greater degree of independence than I think the adults involved have a responsibility to not abuse the authority that provides them.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bronxmom* 
I'm with the "let it be" posters. I also agree with the poster who compared punitive approaches to parenting toddlers to punitive approaches with teens. Both don't respect the developmental needs and human rights of the children involved.

I have to say that I REALLY disagree with a "my house my rules" approach to a teenager. Teenagers do not have much ability to support themselves independently successfully. I'm not saying it can't be done, but job opportunities are less, housing opportunities nearly impossible, etc. It is expected that kids will live with their parents at least until they're sixteen and preferably eighteen. That means that they are FORCED to live with you in essence. If you impose arbitrary rules jthen you are violating their independent human rights in my opinion. Teens can't make all the decisions in a house and of course there have to be some rules, but they should have a role in negotiating them and have some control over their lives. If our society is going to artificially extend childhood way past the point when kids could have a greater degree of independence than I think the adults involved have a responsibility to not abuse the authority that provides them.


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## Chamomile Girl (Nov 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bronxmom* 
I If our society is going to artificially extend childhood way past the point when kids could have a greater degree of independence than I think the adults involved have a responsibility to not abuse the authority that provides them.

Wise words.


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## mommyinIL1976 (Jan 20, 2008)

For those that would/do allow/encourage marijuana usage in their homes, does this also extend to other drugs (i.e. cocaine/heroin)? If no...why not?

Luckily DS1 sees marijuana users as "losers" and "stoners" and so do most of his friends so it hasn't been an issue. DS1 and friends run track and cross country as well, so from their standpoint ingesting smoke into your lungs is just stupid, whether it's tobacco or marijuana. I'm sure someday he will try it and DH (a cop) understands this as well. He has sat down with DS1 (and recently with DD) and told them that it will not be allowed in our house and I completely support that. Besides the obvious legal/job ramifications it could have for DH, we aren't too keen on the example it would set for DS2.


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## To-Fu (May 23, 2007)

I'd like to be relaxed abot it but then I read Katie's story:

http://mamapundit.com/


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *To-Fu* 
I'd like to be relaxed abot it but then I read Katie's story:

http://mamapundit.com/

Yeah... my answers were different before Henry got hurt and then died, for sure. I'm still not sure what the right answer is, and FWIW my reply to my kid's pot smoking was pretty low key (I was mostly concerned with whether she'd been in the car with anyone who was stoned, and she hadn't been) and she's a successful 17 year old without an sort of substance abuse issues... but my heart breaks for Katie and her whole family.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyinIL1976* 
For those that would/do allow/encourage marijuana usage in their homes, does this also extend to other drugs (i.e. cocaine/heroin)? If no...why not?

1) I don't think any one here is saying they would encourage it. Just that they wouldn't have a problem with it.

And

2) Seriously? What's the difference between marijuana and cocaine/heroine? I have to ask just because so you can ignore the next sentence if you want but... Are you for real?

Ok, now here's a quick run down.

Heroine is a highly addictive, dangerous drug that one can easily OD on and/or get dragged deep into the underground drug scene, including but not limited too, dealing, prostitution, and violent criminal behaviour.

Cocaine is also a highly addictive, dangerous drug that can easily be OD'd on and/or drag someone deep into the underground drug scene, this includes but is not limited too, dealing, prostitution and violent criminal behaviour.

Marijuana on the other hand is low risk for addiction (I believe it was found that the average person would have to smoke multiple times a day, every day for six months at least to even be at risk of developing an addiction). There have been no (zero, zilch, none what so ever) recorded incidents of people od on THC.


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## ~Demeter~ (Jul 22, 2006)

The thing about Katie's story.. is that's it's quite unusual and Henry didn't die from pot smoking. He died from a series of very catastrophic events and a lot harder substances than pot. My son looks an awful lot like Henry did and my heart ached for her when I came across her story. I spoke with my oldest and he actually read through Henry's story and felt a huge connection with him.







I think open communication is far more important than reacting with an iron fist over something like smoking pot... I just don't see it as the end all, be all doorway to other drug use. Some people are more predisposed to use drugs to escape... or even for recreation. Some people drink in the same manner... but that's legal.


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## To-Fu (May 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Demeter~* 
The thing about Katie's story.. is that's it's quite unusual and Henry didn't die from pot smoking. He died from a series of very catastrophic events and a lot harder substances than pot. My son looks an awful lot like Henry did and my heart ached for her when I came across her story. I spoke with my oldest and he actually read through Henry's story and felt a huge connection with him.







I think open communication is far more important than reacting with an iron fist over something like smoking pot... I just don't see it as the end all, be all doorway to other drug use. Some people are more predisposed to use drugs to escape... or even for recreation. Some people drink in the same manner... but that's legal.

Right, but it all starts somewhere, you know? She regrets how laid back she was when Henry first confessed to using pot, which was why I shared the link. Here's what she says:

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homew...on-Granju.aspx


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## ~Demeter~ (Jul 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *To-Fu* 
Right, but it all starts somewhere, you know? She regrets how laid back she was when Henry first confessed to using pot, which was why I shared the link. Here's what she says:

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homew...on-Granju.aspx


I know what she says.. but most kids don't progress to that level of drug use from smoking pot. There's a lot more involved in that story than just marijuana use. I can understand her regrets about being so laid back about it... and I think anybody in her situation would feel the same but I don't think that's the norm or regular for most kids experimenting. If I recall (don't have to reread through that link) he was pretty tore up about confessing to using it...


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## SashaBreeze (Apr 18, 2009)

Drugs. I hate them.
Alienation, belittlement, banishment. I hate them.

I would not allow or encourage drug use in my home. But neither would I force my child into a situation were the only option left is for lying, fighting and a complete break down of communication become the normal course of the day. You can take drugs very seriously without taking it to a me vs. you level.

My oldest daughters biological father started out smoking pot. He moved on to harder and harder drugs. He knew I had a no drug policy as far as dating goes and he managed to hide his drug use from me for the 8 months or so that we were a couple. He hung himself at the age of 24. As far as I know the adults in his life always chose to either pretend the problem was not there or walk the hard line of do as I say or get out.

My oldest sister started smoking pot as a young teen to be "cool". She continued down that path and is addicted to drugs to this day. Her life has been an on again off again MESS including her children frequently being taken for her and in some cases her abandoning them. It is nothing short of mind boggling that she is still alive, especially since she has actively tried to take her own life 3 separate times. Sadly her life is more regret when she looks back on it than anything else.

I also know first hand dozens of people that smoked pot from the heavy daily smokers to the every once in a while with friends smoker and they are all fine. Went on to lead very productive lives and never attempted to do anything harder.

I am fully aware of the potential of either outcome. Drugs in our home are taken very seriously. My only point was/is that kicking them out or completely betraying their trust and showing them ZERO respect is NOT the way to discourage drug use, it is however the perfect recipe for a complete break down for your relationship with your child. I just felt like keeping a pulse on things and an open honest dialog with her ds would be the best option for the OP, and still do.

I hope my view was a little more clear this time around and has not caused any offence. Because ultimately that is all it is, a view, an opinion, one persons thoughts on the issue.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancynance* 
DH and I are wrestling over how to handle DS who we are pretty sure is smoking pot with his friends. He will be 18 in 2 months, and is planning on attending the local community college. Do we drug test him at home? I hate that idea. Do we tell him he has to stop or he has to leave home? I hate that idea too. Not really having any other problems with him, just don't know what's the wise thing to do.

I don't have a teen, but I remember my mom's attitude when I was a teen, that kept me from drugs. It was:

"I understand you may want to experiment, even though you know how much I screwed up my own life that way. I only ask that you let me know where you are and whom you are with, and if you are planning on taking a mental vacation or getting in a serious relationship so I can watch out for you. I can help you get protection from STDs if you need it."

She repeated this SO OFTEN and I was mortified each time.









I never had sex or toyed with drugs--I saw enough consequences in my own parents' lives for that--but I am convinced that part of it was the feeling that I really did owe it to her to be honest.

Her policy was also--your body is yours, but if I ever find so much as a single fraction of an ounce of any illegal substance, be it explosive or narcotic or anything, IN MY HOUSE, you are out. I worked too hard to lose what I have for that sh*t. Her idea was, she had to smoke in the woods, we could too. We knew we could clean up and go back, but no drugs in the house.

She ALSO had the policy that we had to pay rent from the end of public school or the age of 18, whichever came second.

I think my mom had an extremely reasonable policy in this regard. It is one parenting thing I will definitely emulate. So just something to consider.

You don't even need to confront him. You can just say you saw something online and you wanted to make sure you were clear with him.

Her policy was the same for all drugs. We were welcome, the drugs weren't.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Things are so much more complex that just "he/she used pot and moved on to harder drugs".

Especially in a country that so villainizes pot, and makes it illegal. Maybe people start there, but the people they spend time with have more of an effect. You hang out with someone who smokes pot, but they are otherwise responsible people who aren't into the gang/rave/getting wasted every weekend, then there is no exposure and no pressure and usually no inclination to go further. If you are spending time with people for whom pot is the tip of the ice berg, there is exposure, and likely pressure, and an opportunity to start using harder drugs.

Just like alcohol. Because a teen has a few drinks with friends it doesn't mean he is going to start binge drinking and using drugs, unless he or she is involved with a group of people for whom that is par for the course.

Being hard lined on all drugs, including pot, doesn't protect your children. Helping them to learn how to recognize and extricate themselves from situations, and friends, who are engaging in this extreme behaviour is far more likely to succeed. It has to happen before they get to that point though, they need to be able to step away at the first sense of trouble.

I've seen the fall with my own eyes, a dear friend from high school who was "guided" by his parents saying 'don't do x' or 'don't hang out with y'. He was never told 'look, if your friends are doing x/y/z and you are getting the sense that they are turning to dangerous activities, or getting into something big that you don't want to be a part of, here are some things you can do to get out early.' When he finally got that message, he was in too deep and it took years for him to crawl back out of the hole he had dug himself into.


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## babygirlie (Jun 4, 2009)

I think some people are so into their cause of legalization it clouds their views on other subjects.

The subject is.. should I allow my child to do illegal activities in MY home? What right does a teenager have to destroy his/her family? By him doing illegal drugs he takes the chance of his parents going to prison, losing their jobs, putting their child/parent relationship on the line, and losing their HOME. He has ZERO right to put that risk onto anyone but himself. A cop is not going to care who's drugs it is... it's been on tv all the time.. your house YOUR drugs. Oh it was the renters the kids.. doesn't matter YOUR house YOUR DRUGS. Say goodbye to your job because your in jail on drug charges and the cops legally can confiscate your home in a drug bust. Like it or not.

It is NOT decriminalized in America. In my state it is legal with a script. They made a database. Bush said I don't give a rat's behind what your state legalizes it is federally against the law and if we get that list we WILL press charges and you WILL be going to prison. I'm in a LOT of pain and my family desperately want me on mj as I will not take pills for pain 99% of the time. Even though mj is legal here on the news every single day is drug busts and ppl going to jail. You're taking a huge risk with or without it being legal because the federal govt has not legalized it and they're what counts (unfortunately).

Should SHE have to live with all those consequences? How about coughing and the STENCH from the smoke in her house? And trust me it is a stink that lingers and bolted doors don't hide it. And yes, it will make you cough.

BTW, as for all the other random rebuttals that do not have anythign to do with the topic.. yes I think it is a gateway drug BECAUSE you are making contacts in the drug community and tend to only befriend people who are mj friendly and it's those people who are going to know people who do other drugs (including prescrption meds). And I am guessing more than 1% of the mj community has dabbled in other things like mushrooms, acid... whatever. Maybe they didn't become a crack head but they have tested their body out.

As for addiction. There is now a study about people who have addictions have it in their brain make up to be addicted to anything. You can definately be addicted to mj, same as you can be completely addicted to food. But yes crack is worse but mj can completely destroy your life and it can take only a few months. (fact from exp)

How is it different than speeding? I would cry if my child sped and risked his life everyday. You can't demand anything from anyone but giving up my life just so you could die wouldn't sit well with me... but it also won't mean I will be going to jail when you kill that family of 6 on the highway. I'll "just" be out a kid. (ugh) However if my kid was underage say 13... and speeding.. I'm pretty sure I would be on the hook for SOMETHING.

There are also now studies out that show pot smoking is twice as bad for your lungs than tabacco. It's not the sweet things people make it out to be.

So no your child should NOT be allowed to dictate YOUR life and risk YOUR life. Can he risk his own? Unfortunately. Should you test him? He's too old for that. Should he be forced to not have it in your home if that bothers you? Absolutely. Can pot hurt him in the long run? Absolutely.

And yes I AM for legalization but not for being blindly stupid in my endeavers to campaign for something.

And allowing a 13 year old to smoke pot is completely criminal and stupid. Sorry.. had to say it.. but that's really allowing a road of bad behavior and not hanging out with the right people. I would rather my child hate me than be a dead prostitute on 13th street.


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## mommyinIL1976 (Jan 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
1) I don't think any one here is saying they would encourage it. Just that they wouldn't have a problem with it.

And

2) Seriously? What's the difference between marijuana and cocaine/heroine? I have to ask just because so you can ignore the next sentence if you want but... Are you for real?

Ok, now here's a quick run down.

Heroine is a highly addictive, dangerous drug that one can easily OD on and/or get dragged deep into the underground drug scene, including but not limited too, dealing, prostitution, and violent criminal behaviour.

Cocaine is also a highly addictive, dangerous drug that can easily be OD'd on and/or drag someone deep into the underground drug scene, this includes but is not limited too, dealing, prostitution and violent criminal behaviour.

Marijuana on the other hand is low risk for addiction (I believe it was found that the average person would have to smoke multiple times a day, every day for six months at least to even be at risk of developing an addiction). There have been no (zero, zilch, none what so ever) recorded incidents of people od on THC.

Okay....I think you misunderstood my question. I am familiar with the differences in the drugs (your condescension aside). To clarify what I was asking: Would your tolerance of marijuana usage in your home extend to other drugs?

I guess by your response, your answer would be no? So are you saying you would kick a heroin/cocaine user out of your home? This seems as counter productive as kicking a marijuana user out of your home.

If you wouldn't kick a heroin/cocaine user out of your home, but would instead seek treatment for that individual, why wouldn't you do so for someone using marijuana, if you don't condone it's usage. In your previous posts you seem to imply that marijuana can be a good thing (a stress reliever), you know several intelligent people who use it regularly, and that it has no negative health effects. (I disagree with that assessment, by the way. Several studies have shown that marijuana smoke has 50-70% more carcinogens than tobacco smoke. Additionally, studies have shown that THC is a disinhibitor (like alcohol), leading individuals to more risky behaviors like driving under the influence, sexual risk taking, etc.)

Now...I have to admit, I am for decriminalization of all drugs. I believe it should be treated as a health problem. And yes, I see it as a health problem to self medicate with marijuana, narcotics, or alcohol in an effort to "relax", "chill-out", or "decompress". There are more healthful ways to do this than ingesting carcinogenic substances into your body.

The angle I was coming at in my questions was to explore the boundaries people have for the acceptance of certain drugs over others. I'm sorry if you misunderstood.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 
I think some people are so into their cause of legalization it clouds their views on other subjects.

The subject is.. should I allow my child to do illegal activities in MY home? What right does a teenager have to destroy his/her family? By him doing illegal drugs he takes the chance of his parents going to prison, losing their jobs, putting their child/parent relationship on the line, and losing their HOME. He has ZERO right to put that risk onto anyone but himself. A cop is not going to care who's drugs it is... it's been on tv all the time.. your house YOUR drugs. Oh it was the renters the kids.. doesn't matter YOUR house YOUR DRUGS. Say goodbye to your job because your in jail on drug charges and the cops legally can confiscate your home in a drug bust. Like it or not.

BTW, as for all the other random rebuttals that do not have anythign to do with the topic.. yes I think it is a gateway drug BECAUSE you are making contacts in the drug community and tend to only befriend people who are mj friendly and it's those people who are going to know people who do other drugs (including prescription meds). And I am guessing more than 1% of the mj community has dabbled in other things like mushrooms, acid... whatever. Maybe they didn't become a crack head but they have tested their body out.

As for addiction. There is now a study about people who have addictions have it in their brain make up to be addicted to anything. You can definitely be addicted to mj, same as you can be completely addicted to food. But yes crack is worse but mj can completely destroy your life and it can take only a few months. (fact from exp)

How is it different than speeding? I would cry if my child sped and risked his life everyday. You can't demand anything from anyone but giving up my life just so you could die wouldn't sit well with me... but it also won't mean I will be going to jail when you kill that family of 6 on the highway. I'll "just" be out a kid. (ugh) However if my kid was underage say 13... and speeding.. I'm pretty sure I would be on the hook for SOMETHING.

There are also now studies out that show pot smoking is twice as bad for your lungs than tobacco. It's not the sweet things people make it out to be.

So no your child should NOT be allowed to dictate YOUR life and risk YOUR life. Can he risk his own? Unfortunately. Should you test him? He's too old for that. Should he be forced to not have it in your home if that bothers you? Absolutely. Can pot hurt him in the long run? Absolutely.

Thank you for this post. This covers many of my own thoughts well.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SashaBreeze* 
My oldest daughters biological father started out smoking pot. He moved on to harder and harder drugs. He knew I had a no drug policy as far as dating goes and he managed to hide his drug use from me for the 8 months or so that we were a couple. He hung himself at the age of 24. As far as I know the adults in his life always chose to either pretend the problem was not there or walk the hard line of do as I say or get out.

<snip>

My oldest sister started smoking pot as a young teen to be "cool". She continued down that path and is addicted to drugs to this day. Her life has been an on again off again MESS including her children frequently being taken for her and in some cases her abandoning them. It is nothing short of mind boggling that she is still alive, especially since she has actively tried to take her own life 3 separate times. Sadly her life is more regret when she looks back on it than anything else.

It doesn't sound to me like drugs were the root of the problem in either of these cases.

There are people who drink and do mild recreational drugs for fun and relaxation, and then there are people who DRINK and do harder drugs because they are emotional wrecks (for whatever reason) and need an escape. They're self-medicating, destructive as it is.

Obviously, long term use of hard drugs just makes life worse, not better. But who is to say that the young man might not have taken his life earlier if not for the escape that drugs provide? If my kids wanted to do drugs, my first response would not be "No!" It would be "Why?" I'd want to know what they were seeking.


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## SashaBreeze (Apr 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
Obviously, long term use of hard drugs just makes life worse, not better. But who is to say that the young man might not have taken his life earlier if not for the escape that drugs provide? If my kids wanted to do drugs, my first response would not be "No!" It would be "Why?" I'd want to know what they were seeking.

I agree.

I think ultimately that would be my response as well. That is my point in the whole thing. To communicate with your children about drugs really dig deep and dedicate yourself to the situation not to ignore it or to completely come unhinged over it, but to face it together and work at moving forward.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyinIL1976* 
Okay....I think you misunderstood my question. I am familiar with the differences in the drugs (your condescension aside). To clarify what I was asking: Would your tolerance of marijuana usage in your home extend to other drugs?

I guess by your response, your answer would be no? So are you saying you would kick a heroin/cocaine user out of your home? This seems as counter productive as kicking a marijuana user out of your home.

If you wouldn't kick a heroin/cocaine user out of your home, but would instead seek treatment for that individual, why wouldn't you do so for someone using marijuana, if you don't condone it's usage. In your previous posts you seem to imply that marijuana can be a good thing (a stress reliever), you know several intelligent people who use it regularly, and that it has no negative health effects. (I disagree with that assessment, by the way. Several studies have shown that marijuana smoke has 50-70% more carcinogens than tobacco smoke. Additionally, studies have shown that THC is a disinhibitor (like alcohol), leading individuals to more risky behaviors like driving under the influence, sexual risk taking, etc.)

Now...I have to admit, I am for decriminalization of all drugs. I believe it should be treated as a health problem. And yes, I see it as a health problem to self medicate with marijuana, narcotics, or alcohol in an effort to "relax", "chill-out", or "decompress". There are more healthful ways to do this than ingesting carcinogenic substances into your body.

The angle I was coming at in my questions was to explore the boundaries people have for the acceptance of certain drugs over others. I'm sorry if you misunderstood.

First off, there is no solid proof that marijuana causes cancer. There have been several studies to the contrary.

Second, would I get help for someone if the drug in question were heroine or cocaine? Yes, the reason being both of those are highly addictive. Marijuana is not. There are people who would drag their kid to rehab because they smoked marijuana _once_. Around here you would get laughed out of the clinic. Marijuana is not a highly addictive drug. That is part of the rampant misconception about marijuana.

I never said there were no negative side effects. There are, most (if not all) of those side affects occur with _heavy_ use of the drug, not with what someone who smokes a little with friends once or twice a month.

Most people who occasionally smoke marijuana are not self medicating. Some are admittedly, I do on occasion because it sure as hell beats prozac, but unless someone is a heavy user you can't assume that they have some psychological or emotion trauma that leads them to smoke.

You want to know why marijuana is still illegal (though decriminalized in many places in the US)? Go check out the list of what studies have show it to have a beneficial affect on. Heck, even MRSA is on that list. Not to mention depression, ADD/ADHD, some types of cancers, OCD, turrets and a dozen or so more. This is beyond the AIDS/HIV, glaucoma and help for chemo patients you hear about most often.

Not to mention the other uses, paper, cloth, building material, a lot of big companies would loose a lot of money if cannabis becomes legal to grow. So they continue to perpetuate myths like "the gateway drug" or what was shown in Reefer Madness (which btw, includes murder as a potential side effect...)

So basically, yeah I have done my research and I would never put marijuana in the same category as cocaine or heroine. D.A.R.E. does, as do other zero tolerance groups, but in reality it doesn't even come close.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 

BTW, as for all the other random rebuttals that do not have anythign to do with the topic.. yes I think it is a gateway drug BECAUSE you are making contacts in the drug community and tend to only befriend people who are mj friendly and it's those people who are going to know people who do other drugs (including prescrption meds). And I am guessing more than 1% of the mj community has dabbled in other things like mushrooms, acid... whatever. Maybe they didn't become a crack head but they have tested their body out.


More than 1%? Probably, more than 10%? I would be surprised... Not everyone who is MJ friendly is big on other drugs. Most of them simply realize that MJ has been unfairly treated for a number of reasons (the big ones being racism and money). MJ is one of the few (maybe even only) drugs that anti-drug groups actually feel the need to _lie_ about the actual affects of the drug. The gateway theory is one of those, MJ being "highly addictive" is another, the idea that smoking weed will lead you to kill your girlfriend or mug an old lady is another. If it's such a terrible drug why do they feel they can't make their argument with facts?

P.S. Smoking is a stronger indicator of future drug use that marijuana.

P.P.S. Those who are MJ friendly just want people to have a chance to look at all the information and not just the crap the government puts out there. Do some research, see what the other side is actually saying before demonizing them and the drug.


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## babygirlie (Jun 4, 2009)

Off topic, How would using drugs be "escaping"? you have problems so you turn to a substance that, unless you live under a rock, know for a fact will destroy you inside and out and will cause the rest of your life to be miserable, like attempting sobriety for the rest of your life... be escaping? It would make your problems ten times worse. I, intellectually, don't get that. I have no respect for people who PURPOSEFULLY destroy themselves and then want a pat on the back when they attempt sobriety like celebrities. Maybe it's the alien in me that does not understand how nausea, dizziness, unprotected bad sex with stds, vomiting, chronic addiction to fight every minute for the rest of your life would make anyone feel better or that they've escaped anything. Just the thought makes me queezy. Try yoga or therapy or gardening.


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## Chamomile Girl (Nov 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 
Off topic, How would using drugs be "escaping"? you have problems so you turn to a substance that, unless you live under a rock, know for a fact will destroy you inside and out and will cause the rest of your life to be miserable, like attempting sobriety for the rest of your life... be escaping? It would make your problems ten times worse. I, intellectually, don't get that. I have no respect for people who PURPOSEFULLY destroy themselves and then want a pat on the back when they attempt sobriety like celebrities. Maybe it's the alien in me that does not understand how nausea, dizziness, unprotected bad sex with stds, vomiting, chronic addiction to fight every minute for the rest of your life would make anyone feel better or that they've escaped anything. Just the thought makes me queezy. Try yoga or therapy or gardening.

Pot does not destroy your body "inside and out'" Its an herb for freaks sake, its not meth. That to me is like saying don't drink coffee if you need energy. Just get more sleep!!

This post indicates to me that you have no respect for the intellect of people who disagree with your opinion about its effects.

Unprotected bad sex with std's? Huh??

Yoga, therapy and gardening..hee hee hee







. Not everyone embraces the bourgeois lifestyle.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 
Off topic, How would using drugs be "escaping"? you have problems so you turn to a substance that, unless you live under a rock, know for a fact will destroy you inside and out and will cause the rest of your life to be miserable, like attempting sobriety for the rest of your life... be escaping? It would make your problems ten times worse. I, intellectually, don't get that. I have no respect for people who PURPOSEFULLY destroy themselves and then want a pat on the back when they attempt sobriety like celebrities. Maybe it's the alien in me that does not understand how nausea, dizziness, unprotected bad sex with stds, vomiting, chronic addiction to fight every minute for the rest of your life would make anyone feel better or that they've escaped anything. Just the thought makes me queezy. Try yoga or therapy or gardening.

Because when you are on something like Heroin... You just don't care.

It's an escape from reality, the bad side effects don't kick in until you need your next dose. It inhibits your ability to think rationally about something and rightly predict the outcome.

Pot doesn't do all that though, it relaxes you, but not to the point where you think "hey, the guy pissed me of so if I knife him and dump his body in the trash then say I didn't do it, I will get off!"

Pot is like yoga, therapy and gardening all rolled into one. It just relaxes you, makes you feel better about yourself, and helps you stop dwelling on the bad. All without the dizziness, or random unprotected sex (very few people do that on just MJ), vomiting, or chronic addiction.

I do think you should do a little research on addiction, what it is, what the predispositions are, and how the different drugs affect people. It doesn't make sense to you, I am guessing, because you assume that people go into using with the intention of getting addicted.

P.S. It's hard to have sex with an STD, they are kind of... small. On the other hand you can have sex with someone who has an STD.


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## AbundantLife (Jun 4, 2005)

Regardless of how harmful or non-harmful one believes pot to be, it is still illegal most everywhere. If my oldest son (a college sr) were to be busted, he would lose his financial aid and possibly his future in his chosen career.

I did find out that he tried it (most teens do) and I expressed to him that it was not acceptable to me, told him about the consequences, and made sure he knew that I would not condone it.

Interestingly, many on this board are of the, "I did it and I turned OK" mindset. I want better for my kids than my DH and I did. My DH spent a good many years as a pot head and never finished college because of it. He regrets that and has made every effort to assure our kids don't end up like he did.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

The thing is, for every pot head who doesn't finish college, there are people like my husband who was a pot head and graduated from Grinnell and University of Iowa law school with high honors. You can't say pot is the reason someone succeeds or fails.

My opinion still stands. My teens lead happy, active social lives. They hold down jobs, volunteer, my son goes to college and is doing well. If they want to drink beer or smoke a little recreational marijuana on the weekends, I am not going to come down hard on it.


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## imagine21 (Apr 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 
There are also now studies out that show pot smoking is twice as bad for your lungs than tabacco.

Uh, no...quoting from my earlier post...(And before someone says that smoking pot increases the chance of getting lung cancer, the most recent studies show the opposite http://www.webmd.com/lung-cancer/new...to-lung-cancer.)

Please cite your studies...I'd like to review them.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *imagine21* 
Uh, no...quoting from my earlier post...(And before someone says that smoking pot increases the chance of getting lung cancer, the most recent studies show the opposite http://www.webmd.com/lung-cancer/new...to-lung-cancer.)

Please cite your studies...I'd like to review them.

Can I ask whether this is really relevant?

I mean, if it was "only" half as bad as tobacco, would that be okay? Obviously, marijuana is harmful to some degree for everyone, but it has its benefits for some others, and that's it's very addictive for some, though not others. Like certain otc painkillers, for that matter. But those are legal.

Marijuana is illegal, and if you get caught, nobody cares how harmful it is for you. The point is, if you have a certain amount, you can get charged with intent to distribute! I mean... I don't know about YOU all, but that is the reason *I* don't smoke regularly, and though I have had a joint once and again, never will have it in my house and never will be in a place where I think I could get caught.

Why ruin your whole future for a little high? I mean really. I can vote pro-legalization without risking my own future and criminal record.

The point is, the OP doesn't like it, it's illegal, so what should she do?

I don't think you're going to turn her into a pot civil liberties crusader on behalf of her son on this thread, so what's the point?


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

"Her idea was, she had to smoke in the woods, we could too."

Heh. With my mom, it was "I had to sneak around to have sex, so can you."

I would rather my kids smoke pot than drink alcohol - but they aren't doing either in my home as long as it's not legal for them to do so.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smithie* 
"Her idea was, she had to smoke in the woods, we could too."

Heh. With my mom, it was "I had to sneak around to have sex, so can you."

I would rather my kids smoke pot than drink alcohol - but they aren't doing either in my home as long as it's not legal for them to do so.

I dunno, something tells me it's the lack of brain-scan evidence on potheads because who would admit it, that makes me more partial to pot. The brain scans on binge-drinking teens are awful... even if it's once weekly or twice monthly, you can SEE the dents! I don't know which is worse, but my guess is, the damage is probably proportional to how intoxicated you feel.


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## imagine21 (Apr 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Can I ask whether this is really relevant?

I say that it is relevant because the poster made an assertion that deserves scrutiny. I really would like to look at the studies that she cited. Oh, wait, she didn't cite any. I included my reference so that people can read and make decisions from an informed position.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I mean, if it was "only" half as bad as tobacco, would that be okay? Obviously, marijuana is harmful to some degree for everyone, but it has its benefits for some others, and that's it's very addictive for some, though not others. Like certain otc painkillers, for that matter. But those are legal.

Again, please cite references. If marijuana is "[obviously] harmful to some degree for everyone" I will have to assume that that is just your opinion unless you give me some scientific study that takes "everyone" into consideration. You're welcome to make blanket statements, but you have to expect to get called on them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Marijuana is illegal, and if you get caught, nobody cares how harmful it is for you. The point is, if you have a certain amount, you can get charged with intent to distribute! I mean... I don't know about YOU all, but that is the reason *I* don't smoke regularly, and though I have had a joint once and again, never will have it in my house and never will be in a place where I think I could get caught.

Marijuana is not illegal in all places.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Why ruin your whole future for a little high? I mean really. I can vote pro-legalization without risking my own future and criminal record.

Since marijuana is not illegal in all places, not everyone is subject to the ruination of their future for a little high. In addition, I am far more concerned with the consequences of legal prescription drugs than marijuana both for individuals and for the harmful effects they have on the health of society as a whole.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
The point is, the OP doesn't like it, it's illegal, so what should she do?

Each kid is different and since I don't know her son personally, I can only give her the advise that I have in previous posts edited here for brevity...for some kids it's a problem, for some it's not.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I don't think you're going to turn her into a pot civil liberties crusader on behalf of her son on this thread, so what's the point?

Well, I was giving the OP my advice from my experience, as a parent of a teenager, a high school teacher for 17 years and a regular pot smoker for almost 30 years. No one is trying to turn anyone into a crusader. In fact, I am not crusading either. I am a well educated, conscientious person who makes decisions based on both empirical evidence and research. Asking someone who makes a statement about the studies that she has read to cite those studies is a reasonable request for one who is interested in responsible decision making. Sorry that you didn't see it that way.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

In some places being caught with a small quantity of pot, less than an ounce, will get you a ticket or nothing. It's a petty offense in some places, no offense or a misdemeanor in others. In some states any amount is a prison sentence. So how I would react to finding out my teen is using pot would be different depending on where we lived. Teenagers and young adults are basically going to do what they are going to do. It's a time of developing personal values and asserting independence. The main concern would be staying safe. Some people here have had a "not in my home" stance and having your teen carrying pot on their person and using it out in public is much riskier legally than in the privacy of their own bedroom.

As a physical and mental health issue, I would be alot more concerned finding out my teen had vodka or cigarettes than a small quantity of pot. But I've had relatives die of lung disease and emphysema. Also I've had a cousin die from liver failure at age 30 and known too many alcoholics.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *imagine21* 

Again, please cite references. If marijuana is "[obviously] harmful to some degree for everyone" I will have to assume that that is just your opinion unless you give me some scientific study that takes "everyone" into consideration. You're welcome to make blanket statements, but you have to expect to get called on them.

http://cyber.law.harvard.edu/evidenc.../Health_1.html

Quote:

Marijuana is not illegal in all places.
Okay, is she posting from Amsterdam? B.C.? Recreational marijuana use is illegal in most of the US, Europe, and Canada.

Quote:

n addition, I am far more concerned with the consequences of legal prescription drugs than marijuana both for individuals and for the harmful effects they have on the health of society as a whole.
She's not asking about that, though.

Quote:

Each kid is different
Okay, let me rephrase my answer. If I were black, I'd be furious and afraid, and if I were white, I'd probably just be furious. Because the law is supposed to apply to all equally. I don't care what this kid is like--they won't know until he's older whether he's the type to get addicted or to go further or who his dealer was. He is still screwed if he gets caught. We're all (supposed to be) equal under the law. It's not like the law says, "If you will probably go on to worse drugs or if you get really high with pot, then it's a felony, otherwise... meh, misdemeanor, whatever."

Quote:

.for some kids it's a problem, for some it's not.
A felony conviction is a problem for everybody, and if you have enough on you to get "intent to distribute", that's what you get! So you weren't planning on becoming a cokehead and you didn't get cancer? Tough titties, it's still a felony!

I'm not saying she should forbid her kid from using. (Not sure if you read my first post.) I'm saying, no freaking way would I have it in my house, and I'm not having ANYONE in my house that brings that junk in. The last thing I need is illegal stuff in my house.

Quote:

In fact, I am not crusading either. I am a well educated, conscientious person who makes decisions based on both empirical evidence and research. Asking someone who makes a statement about the studies that she has read to cite those studies is a reasonable request for one who is interested in responsible decision making. Sorry that you didn't see it that way.
I was actually more referring to the entire debate, not your posts in particular. Too lazy for multi-quote, sorry!


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

I don't think anyone in the debate wants to turn anyone into a crusader. Me personally? I'm just against pot being illegal, and against the propagation of marijuana myths that put it on the same level as hard drugs. It's not like I'm Marc Emery or anything.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancynance* 
Okay - I'm the original poster and I have one more question to throw out there. Does anyone have any experience, either first hand or second, of whether or not pot smoking stunts your emotional/intellectual growth? I mean, my son is not yet 18 and I know the neural pathways in his brain are still developing. I don't want any substance to get in the way of him realizing his potential.

I smoked pot daily from about halfway through grade nine until a little after grad (so call it 14.5 to 18, almost exactly), and far less frequently for about another 2-3 years.

If there's been any stunting of my intellectual growth, nobody has ever noticed it. I placed in the top 10% in Canada in a math competition (wrote the tests at lunch time, and had been smoking pot earlier in the day for at least half of them). I also pulled 100% on tests on multiple occasions, both while stoned and when not stoned, but during my years as a fairly heavy smoker. My intelligence and intellectual capabilities suffered no impairment that was noticeable to me or anyone else. (I can't claim that means there was absolutely _no_ impairment...maybe I'd be a fraction more intelligent if I'd never smoked, but I'll never know. There was no noticeable or practical impairment.)

Emotional? It's hard to pin down. I've struggled with depression since puberty, which is probably why I started smoking so heavily in the first place. The only _noticeable_ effects pot had on my emotional development were that 1) I stopped punching people out when I lost my cool, because I stopped losing my cool (I suffered from pretty severe PMS in my preteens/early teens and lashed out physically at the various bullies I encountered), and 2) I didn't end up slitting my wrists. If it had any other effects, they weren't/aren't noticeable to me or to those close to me. I was definitely a little more...stupified...during my smoking years than I would have been without the pot, but considering my general emotional state at the time, that's not really a bad thing, imo. There were no noticeable long-term effects.

I knew a _lot_ of pot smokers, and some of them had very heavy habits. Very, very few of them had any noticeable long-term effects from it, and those one were...one of them was smoking an eighth of an ounce _daily_ at 15. That's heavy use, yk?


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

The term "crusader" seems to have touched a nerve, so I take it back.

Let me put it another way: I don't think you'll convince the mom.


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## imagine21 (Apr 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
http://cyber.law.harvard.edu/evidenc.../Health_1.html

From this link "For more on this topic, please see Donald P. Tashkin, M.D., "Effects of Marijuana on the Lung and Its Immune Defenses," Secretary's Youth Substance Abuse Prevention Intiative: Resource Papers, March 1997, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention. Pages 33-51 of this address can be found at the website of the Indiana Prevention Resource Center at Indiana University, located at http://www.drugs.indiana.edu/druginfo/tashkin- marijuana.html."

This cited study is out of date and been deleted.

An article much more recent study:
4http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/25/AR2006052501729.html

Thanks for the link though. There is a lot of relevant information. I can't help but notice that the article hails from the law school, not the medical school.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
The term "crusader" seems to have touched a nerve, so I take it back.

Let me put it another way: I don't think you'll convince the mom.

Uh, more like the other side won't convince the mom. If you read back you'll see that she has decided to go with her gut which is not worry at this point because her son is almost 18 and is otherwise a healthy, responsible person.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AbundantLife* 
My DH spent a good many years as a pot head and never finished college because of it. He regrets that and has made every effort to assure our kids don't end up like he did.

I know plenty of college graduates who smoked pot all through college (some even have their master's) and continue to do so. Pot will only stop you from finishing school if pot is more important to you than school. It's all about how you prioritize your life.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Just saw this on Facebook:

"Hey, isn't smoking weed illegal?"

Replies, "Hey, aren't half the songs on your iPod stolen?"


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 







Just saw this on Facebook:

"Hey, isn't smoking weed illegal?"

Replies, "Hey, aren't half the songs on your iPod stolen?"

I don't own an iPod, and it's more than half.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Okay, is she posting from Amsterdam? B.C.? Recreational marijuana use is illegal in most of the US, Europe, and Canada.

Maybe she's from Alaska, Colorado, Ohio, Mississippi, New York or one of the other states where it's decriminalized.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *imagine21* 
From this link "For more on this topic, please see Donald P. Tashkin, M.D., "Effects of Marijuana on the Lung and Its Immune Defenses," Secretary's Youth Substance Abuse Prevention Intiative: Resource Papers, March 1997, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention. Pages 33-51 of this address can be found at the website of the Indiana Prevention Resource Center at Indiana University, located at http://www.drugs.indiana.edu/druginfo/tashkin- marijuana.html."

This cited study is out of date and been deleted.

An article much more recent study:
4http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/25/AR2006052501729.html

Thanks for the link though. There is a lot of relevant information. I can't help but notice that the article hails from the law school, not the medical school.

I chose it for its citations, not because of the fact it was affiliated with a university. I think it's a student site.


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## canadianhippie (Jul 1, 2010)

ok, Ill chime in a bit, first time ive read the thread

lol, man im not sure where to begin so Ill try and keep it short and sweet

Gateway drug is silly, the less than 1% assumption that pot smokers will not become heavy drug addicts, slightly insulting. I mean who are these "potheads"? Some kind of rare, incompetent cookie eating idiots? They are your teachers, neighboors, politicians, laywers, med school students, any one and everyone. Im a pot smoker, Im not an idiot, I know the difference between marijuana and cocaine. Ive known for a long time, as does the rest of the population, so how cannabis would all of the sudden alter my perception so badly that start injecting heroin, because you know, it seems like a reasonable trail to follow after a bong hit, is beyond me. Ive been smoking since I was 15 and I have never ever done any other drugs, no saliva, no shrooms, none of that. All of my friends did heavy drugs, but seeing them go through made me not want to touch it.

Any history lesson will tell you the hilarious story of how marijuana came to be illegal, so yes it is "illegal". What educated, up-to-date person would agree with it being illegal? I would not send my children else where to have a good time, a underage teen wants to drink and "no illegal activity in my house" will send them down the street to learn how to handle alcohol by other teens? You may not want to "encourage" and enable the behaviour, but obviously the people they are with are encouraging it. Hmm, cool friends saying have a toke, mama saying you'll be out on your *** if you bring a dimebag in MY house, where do you think the teen will be heading?

I want my child to know that our house is his haven for sleeping, eating, schoolwork and friends. If they are going to get high and drunk, because they're mini-adults, they're personalities and tendancies are shaped, they will do what their going to do, I want it under my watchful eye so I know where my son is. I feel thats common-sense, of all the things in the world, I will not be alienating my children because the law says the big green plant is bad.

I feel as though most of the anti- marijuana people have NEVER smoked weed, you must know so much about its effects then

Cannabis is simply not for everyone. It is meant to benefit your mindset and life, its a good thing, I think a couple people here need a nice sweet spliff rolled for them, mellow out man







haha

and yes, im partial to mj, a glance at my sig will tell you that


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

Quote:

Maybe she's from Alaska, Colorado, Ohio, Mississippi, New York or one of the other states where it's decriminalized.
Don't forget Massachusetts! It's only a $100 fine if caught with an ounce or less of pot in public.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShadowMoon* 
Don't forget Massachusetts! It's only a $100 fine if caught with an ounce or less of pot in public.

1. Federal law does not recognize state law in this regard.
2. Note that I always write "intent to distribute": there is a federal law making this a felony and it is. You do NOT need a lot to get "intent to distribute" if you're smoking regularly.

Finally... to another poster... there are precious few anti-marijuana folks on here. Most of us are just saying, don't let him smoke or possess in your home, let him be honest with you, and be frank with him. I don't think that's anti-pot, that's pro-I-have-a-mortgage-and-a-career-and-can-see-retirement-from-my-couch.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
1. Federal law does not recognize state law in this regard.
2. Note that I always write "intent to distribute": there is a federal law making this a felony and it is. You do NOT need a lot to get "intent to distribute" if you're smoking regularly.

Finally... to another poster... there are precious few anti-marijuana folks on here. Most of us are just saying, don't let him smoke or possess in your home, let him be honest with you, and be frank with him. I don't think that's anti-pot, that's pro-I-have-a-mortgage-and-a-career-and-can-see-retirement-from-my-couch.

ha on a side note as someone living in MA. Federal law may not recognize state law but there are no feds in this state busting people for having a smoke stash so your point there is rather silly. Further the law in MA states that possession less than 1 ounce is subject to a ticket and confiscation. Intent to distribute only applies if you have evidence of such, pot divided up into baggies, excess cash etc... So you DO need A LOT (an ounce of MJ is quite a lot for anyone to have at one time)...I mean I have seen an ounce at once it is a large bag. Stop trying to scare people...

Further for anyone living in the New England area this might amuse you. Apparently here on Cape Cod many of the people who have been ticketed for MJ possession have simply not paid the $100 fine. Apparently when the law was written there was no provision for how the fine was going to be collected, sooooo because of that if you don't pay your fine literally NOTHING happens. The court refuses to issue a bench warrant because they do not collect the fine the state does and the state has no recourse because they did not state in the law that you HAVE to pay the fine
















I find it hilarious personally









On another note. I am glad the OP has taken a more mild approach than some have stated they would here. Your son sounds like a good kid who is taking care of himself.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 







Just saw this on Facebook:

"Hey, isn't smoking weed illegal?"

Replies, "Hey, aren't half the songs on your iPod stolen?"









I love it.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ldavis24* 
ha on a side note as someone living in MA. Federal law may not recognize state law but there are no feds in this state busting people for having a smoke stash so your point there is rather silly. Further the law in MA states that possession less than 1 ounce is subject to a ticket and confiscation. Intent to distribute only applies if you have evidence of such, pot divided up into baggies, excess cash etc... So you DO need A LOT (an ounce of MJ is quite a lot for anyone to have at one time)...I mean I have seen an ounce at once it is a large bag. Stop trying to scare people...

Further for anyone living in the New England area this might amuse you. Apparently here on Cape Cod many of the people who have been ticketed for MJ possession have simply not paid the $100 fine. Apparently when the law was written there was no provision for how the fine was going to be collected, sooooo because of that if you don't pay your fine literally NOTHING happens. The court refuses to issue a bench warrant because they do not collect the fine the state does and the state has no recourse because they did not state in the law that you HAVE to pay the fine
















I find it hilarious personally









On another note. I am glad the OP has taken a more mild approach than some have stated they would here. Your son sounds like a good kid who is taking care of himself.

Wow, I hope that doesn't show up on your credit report. A lot of times they don't send collections but it stays on your credit record.

And don't take that to mean, I think that's a good idea. It's just a fact of life.


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## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *canadianhippie* 
I want my child to know that our house is his haven for sleeping, eating, schoolwork and friends. If they are going to get high and drunk, because they're mini-adults, they're personalities and tendancies are shaped, they will do what their going to do, I want it under my watchful eye so I know where my son is. I feel thats common-sense, of all the things in the world, I will not be alienating my children because the law says the big green plant is bad.

I agree with this soooo much. It really bothers me that I can be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor for allowing my child to drink under my supervision. I don't want them to drink, but if they are, I want to be there to keep them safe and to teach them to gauge the impact it has on them and how to manage that. Same with marijuana. I would so much rather have them take a toke, turn up some tunes and giggle all night then get drunk and feel sick in the morning.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *harrietsmama* 
I agree with this soooo much. It really bothers me that I can be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor for allowing my child to drink under my supervision. I don't want them to drink, but if they are, I want to be there to keep them safe and to teach them to gauge the impact it has on them and how to manage that. Same with marijuana. I would so much rather have them take a toke, turn up some tunes and giggle all night then get drunk and feel sick in the morning.

The alcohol side of things is one reason I do like Canadian law, one the age to drink is lower so you don't have to run around hiding it until you're 21 (which is just insane to me, who is supposed to monitor drinking habits if it's only legal once you're an adult an you parents have no recourse?). Two it's not illegal for teens to drink alcohol if their parents are there, fully aware, and are giving it too them. Which means when DD gets interested in it, we can make sure her most important experiences are in the presence of responsible adults who understand that binge drinking is not the way to do things.

Yeah we plan on handling pot the same way. She knows we won't be judging her when she get curious and wants to try it.

Is it a popular opinion? No, the most common reason given for why this approach is bad is because as a parent you are responsible for the safety and well being of your child. But that is the same reason I give, and this way I have a greater amount of say in what happens.


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## asunlitrose (Apr 19, 2008)

I think it's important to evaluate WHY your child is doing it and how often they're doing it. I started smoking pot when I was 15, but it was definitely because I was depressed and wanted to feel good. I'd do it maybe 3-4 times a week, and my mother had many talks with me about it how she didn't agree with it, my grades were slipping, etc etc. I quit at the end of my sophomore year because I just wanted my grades to be better so I could get into a good college.

I started up again in college, but only recreationally. Maybe on the weekends every once in a while.

Now, as an adult, I smoke maybe 3 times a week, mostly on the weekends. When I had a job I couldn't smoke during the week or on school nights because it just wasn't something I wanted to do and I felt like it carried over until the next day. I find myself smoking more now that I'm out of a job, and I'm curious if maybe I should just up my anti-depression meds instead. I'm unhappy in general, and can tell I'm self-medicating, but I'm also into more natural methods of medicine nowadays, so I'm trying to figure out what I need to do.

I would say it's worth a talk. Ask them if they're happy in general. If there's some/any hesitation or they say "most of the time," I'd really pause and discuss my concerns for their mental health and happiness. If they really do seem happy and this is a weekend thing, I'd still discuss my concern of it turning into something else and it being illegal, and voice that I'll always be there for them but that it can't be brought into my house.

I think it's possible to be caring and have strict guidelines at the same time. It is a really tough issue, and something I think about a lot when it comes to my future parenting.


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