# 18 month-old gets very angry when frustrated



## Beppie (Oct 24, 2005)

What is the best way to deal with this? My 18-month old dd, when she can't quite figure out how to do something, screams/cries in real frustration ... but I'm not sure that responding to her cries (which seem really angry!) is the best thing to do.

Here are a couple situations when this happens:

She sees her older sister's boots, and just wants to try putting her feet inside, but as she's trying to do it, the boot keeps falling over. She starts to express herself in a very angry way.

Or, she's pushing her baby stroller, and the wheel gets stuck on something else, like a dining room chair, and she pushes and it won't budge. She makes a very angry noise. Not really crying, just angry, persistent shouts. KWIM?

I don't remember my first dd ever reacting this way. What's the best response for a parent to have? I don't want to reinforce the behavior (ie: she learns that it's best to make angry shouting/crying every time she's frustrated to get mommy to come)


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

First, that's totally normal and healthy.
Second, validate her emotions.

Validate, validate, validate.










ETA: you don't need to come running when she expresses anger. Just validate. 'Are you feeling angry that you can't do it ... would you like help?'

Just keep validating.. name her emotions. It will teach her how to name her emotions. It will show her that all her feelings are important which will lead to feeling okay with her emotions, which will lead to being able to show her ways of expressing those emotions as she gets older.


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## SparklingGemini (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Purity♥Lake~* 
First, that's totally normal and healthy.
Second, validate her emotions.

Validate, validate, validate.











YES! This, absolutely!

When DD gets frustrated with anything, I just let her know its OK to feel frustrated, its OK to feel angry and its _OK to take a break_. Letting her know its OK to take a break has really done wonders.

In some ways, I think it can be slightly harmful to always say "Oh, don't worry, you'll get it." This doesn't offer validation of feelings, it makes those feeling inconsequential. And its not really the truth. Because sometimes they WON''T get it. You know? Or at the very least, it may take weeks or months. This is why we came up with taking a break or working on it another day.


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## Gabes Mommy (Jul 1, 2009)

DS does the same thing! I just try to talk him through it. I try to explain that he's frustrated, why, and what the solutions are. Even if he doesn't understand, I think it helps. I hope so anyway!


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## FernG (Feb 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Purity♥Lake~* 
First, that's totally normal and healthy.
Second, validate her emotions.

Validate, validate, validate.

This is what I do w/ DD. "You feel frustrated b/c.." or "You were planning to do... but it isn't working right now." or "It's hard to feel frustrated when your plans aren't working."

Talking like that does seem to help DD calm down. Sometimes she accepts help or a distraction to do something else. Other times she has to cry more.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

ds does this too. i agree with validating his feelings. i also think it is one of those things that happens when kids this age want to talk but aren't quite there yet.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

I ask my 20 mo old, "Is it stuck? Do you need help?" And he nods to both questions. I go over and tell him, "I can help. Here you go." It shuts down his frustration immediately.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Just jumping in to add: I like adding the phrase 'it seems like' before I define a feeling. After all, I could be wrong!

And, I really like saying "I can help" because it seems much more definitive and solution oriented than just asking them. My dd is 14.5 months and doing this too, when I make it clear I AM helping it seems much more reassuring to her.


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## carliec76 (Mar 20, 2006)

So how do you help a 19 month old that does not want your help..lol My little guy is the worse thus far out of all my kids. He bangs his head on the ground. The boy has a chronic bruise on his forehead. I have tried to ignore it but I am 100% sure he isn't doing it to get attention. So now I straight up firmly say no head bangs soft heads and that does curb it most of the time. But he gets mad about almost everything. Especially food related things. He goes to the kitchen wanting something but not really knowing what and just goes into a instant fit. Oddly his big brother has had food anger issues for many years. He is just now finally over it for the most part but another 4 years of food tantrums I might just check myself into the insane asylum.
Ironically Ronen was my most mellow baby. I guess he was just storing up for toddler hood.
He is his fathers son, Dad seems to have no control over his anger and ,likes to throw things around and holler when he gets stressed or frustrated. I hope this will pass and I won't have to clean oatmeal off the floor forever...oh at least he is a great little helper and likes to clean up his messes...lol


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