# Mama exposing too much?



## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

I just wanted your opinions on this issue where my husband and I disagree...

I sleep in a t-shirt and underwear. My t-shirts aren't extra long, but they are always at or below my hips and underwear is "full coverage" (okay, yeah, they're granny panties!) so we're not talking about mid-drifts and thongs or anything. Late at night when it's close to bed time, I will lay around in my bed watching TV or reading in my sleepwear. Sometimes, I will walk around like that, like if I need to go to the bathroom or I need something from the kitchen, etc.

I feel the sleepwear is pretty modest. Really, the shirt covers most everything..maybe an underwear-covered cheek poking out from the bottom of the shirt is all you can see! It certainly exposes less of my body than a bathing suit or less even than some girls dress in public with their short shorts and tube tops! But my hubby thinks it is too much for our 11yo ds (who isn't even shy about running around in his boxer-briefs).

I think having a casual attitude about family underwear is fine. I mean, my dad will still briefly (no pun intended  come out of his bedroom in his boxers to grab some pants out of the dryer or something if I'm there, and I don't have any weird Oedipal complexes or anything. I think DH making a deal out of it would be more harmful to DS's psyche and attitude about our bodies than catching a glimpse of mom's butt cheek ever would! To be fair, DH does not mention the issue in front of DS, but he does fuss at me about it.

So, t-shirt and underwear appropriate in front of 11yo ds or not?


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

You know, it's such a family to family thing. I used to do the underwear and big t-shirt thing but I moved to pajama bottoms at some point.... I think around the time my eldest was 6 or 7 and we seemed to always have some other child sleeping at our house. DD stopped haning out in her underwear around 10. My current 10-year-old is the only one who hangs out in underwear and he wears boxer briefs that are more like shorts anyway.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are sleeping in and I seriously doubt your DS even thinks about it. If it's something that bothers DH though, I'd probably just find some comfy sleep shorts. It's just not a big enough deal to me and it's always good to have some "reasonable, rational, compromising" credit built so when I have some odd ball issue, my DH is more inclined to do the same.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nasubi77*
> 
> I just wanted your opinions on this issue where my husband and I disagree...
> 
> ...


Has your dh said why it makes him feel uncomfortable? Did he have a weird childhood experience or something?

It doesn't sound like your ds is very aware or bothered by it so I think this is purely a question of your dh being uncomfortable.

I think you should still sleep in whatever feels comfortable to you. You could compromise by slipping on shorts or a robe when you leave the bedroom.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

I think that it should be a family decision. Normally I'd say when your son feels uncomfortable you'll know it and then you can take appropriate steps. But, to keep the arguments down, maybe just grab a super comfy and cute pair of shorts to walk around in until you actually slip into bed?


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## lkvosu (Feb 9, 2011)

It depends on how far outside the cultural "norm" you're willing to go. Yes, if you go by 21st century American common practice, a mother wearing something like that in front of her son is probably borderline inappropriate. However, I think that's kind of silly considering how many other cultures around the world commonly expose their breasts, and often genitalia, as part of their daily dress. Our culture being so prudish about these sorts of things, I'm guessing your dh is picking up on this being a bit outside the norm, and that makes him uncomfortable .

If it's causing fights, I would try to find some longer sleepwear or throw on some shorts if I left the room. Of course, you could also educate him with some national geographic type footage on just how subjective this type of thing is.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Its a family decision, but your husband is a member of your family. I don't see what your big deal is about throwing on a pair of shorts or a bathrobe when you walk around your house. You know it bothers him, but you keep doing it because....... why?

Sleep in whatever you want, but cover your a$$ when you walk around the house.


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## Calliope84 (Aug 19, 2010)

This is weird... because if you had a DD, this wouldn't even matter. If I have all girls, I doubt I'll care what I wear. I saw my mom pretty much naked all the time when I was growing up. She wasn't weirded out about changing in front of us or whatever. I never saw my dad, though. I think he always had on pj pants. Geez. I honestly can't even remember what he wore around the house... I don't think I ever paid attention or cared. I guess if I have a boy I might wear full on pjs around the house when he gets older, but... eh. If we had had a boy and all boys, DH could have been regularly running around nude and no one would have cared lol. It just seems so weird that you can breastfeed a child until they are old enough to always remember breastfeeding, but then at some point your body becomes taboo somehow and you have to hide it from the same child.


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## lkvosu (Feb 9, 2011)

Ugh, was that level of snark really necessary? Seriously, how does this further the conversation?

As for why she keeps doing it, maybe she's comfortable wearing that and is hoping her husband comes around. Seems reasonable. I don't think OP meant that her dh was thoroughly upset about it, just that he thought it was a little weird. Big difference. And I don't think OP is making a "bid deal" about not putting on shorts. She came here looking for other opinions, not because she desperately wants validation for running around the house in panties.

I guess I shouldn't speak for her, I just really don't like unecessarily rude remarks like this. It makes this place feel hostile and unwelcoming.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> Its a family decision, but your husband is a member of your family. I don't see what your big deal is about throwing on a pair of shorts or a bathrobe when you walk around your house. You know it bothers him, but you keep doing it because....... why?
> 
> Sleep in whatever you want, but cover your a$$ when you walk around the house.


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

Thanks for this. You pretty aptly summed up the situation, actually. This issue does not cause fights or anything. He just gives me a "Shouldn't you put on some shorts?" comment when I venture out into the house in my undies. It's not that I want to take a stand on it or that I refuse to cover my bottom....I just think DH is making a deal (not a BIG deal) out of something that shouldn't be. But I actually agree with the general consensus...it obviously bothers DH, so I should be willing to slip on some shorts for his sake if for nothing else, and that's what I'll do.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lkvosu*
> 
> Ugh, was that level of snark really necessary? Seriously, how does this further the conversation?
> 
> ...


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## mar123 (Apr 14, 2008)

I have a 15 year old DS and 2 DDs. I like to sleep in exactly what the OP said- t-shirts and undies. But I do have sleep shorts and sleep pants I wear between my bath and bed. I have the yoga type pants for the winter and some comfy loose elastic band shorts for the hotter months. It's really no biggie- I slip them off before bed and leave them laying on the floor. Slip them on in the morning unless I am going right into the shower. My kids do frequently have friends over, and these are items I feel comfortable wearing in front of the friends.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nasubi77*
> 
> Thanks for this. You pretty aptly summed up the situation, actually. This issue does not cause fights or anything. He just gives me a "Shouldn't you put on some shorts?" comment when I venture out into the house in my undies. It's not that I want to take a stand on it or that I refuse to cover my bottom....I just think DH is making a deal (not a BIG deal) out of something that shouldn't be. But I actually agree with the general consensus...it obviously bothers DH, so I should be willing to slip on some shorts for his sake if for nothing else, and that's what I'll do.


I think you are doing the right thing to consider your dh's feelings. In our house we have a dd and my dh sleeps nude but wears underwear, sweat pants or a robe if he walks around the house. I don't think it is a big deal if dd sees his underwear sometimes even though I grew up in a house where no one ever showed their underwear outside of the bedroom. If I felt uncomfortable and said something to him it would probably hurt if he said he wouldn't change anything at all and I should just get over it.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

This is so NOT a family decision. The only people who should get a say on what another person is wearing is the parents over the children(and I'm thinking more along the lines of true modesty when out in public, not a I bought this ugly plaid shirt for you so you're going to wear it). Now if her son was uncomfortable with it then she COULD put on a pair of shorts, but because her son is uncomfortable not because her DH is. Even then she really doesn't HAVE to.

If her son was uncomfortable with it then he'd say something or dart out of the room when he saw her.

My Dad used to come down to the main floor in just his tighty whities with holes in them to get pants from the laundry room. burned a few images in my head, but as a parent that was his right.

My Mom would walk around in her bra & panties(again to get clothes from the laundry room).

My Mom has walked around in her bra & panties at the same time my Dh is in his tighty whities. THAT is weird but as an adult I never told either one to cover up.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

I don't agree. All members of the household deserve respect and courtesy. If a member, adult or child, is uncomfortable with something very easy to accomodate, why wouldn't you? We have to live together for YEARS. It's in our best interest is give and take. I make adjustments for DH. He makes adjustements for me. The kids make adjustments for us and us for them. I wouldn't want to live in a home where any individual was allowed to do whatever they wanted without any consideration for the rest of the population.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CarrieMF*
> 
> This is so NOT a family decision. The only people who should get a say on what another person is wearing is the parents over the children(and I'm thinking more along the lines of true modesty when out in public, not a I bought this ugly plaid shirt for you so you're going to wear it). Now if her son was uncomfortable with it then she COULD put on a pair of shorts, but because her son is uncomfortable not because her DH is. Even then she really doesn't HAVE to.
> 
> ...


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

I dont think its weird. You live there, why should you get dressed to run to the bathroom like you are guest at someone else's house? If your son asked you not to dress like that, I would say you should cover up. Does your DH never ever walk around partially clothed? Does he ever walk around without a shirt on? Does he walk around in boxers and a tshirt?


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## beautifulmoon (Mar 18, 2011)

I think you should do what someone else suggested--just keep a pair of boxers or sleep shorts by the bed. I have a few caftans and loose dresses that I slip on when I go to the restroom, not because I have kids (yet!) but because we sometimes keep our windows open and I don't want to flash the neighbors. It's pretty easy and gets to be unconscious.

My father used to sit around in his tighty whities, and I always hated it. It made me uncomfortable, but telling him so would have made me even more uncomfortable. So I wouldn't take the fact that your son hasn't said or done anything as a sign that it doesn't bother him or he doesn't notice.

It's considerate to take into account your son's feelings. I always felt that it was a show of power that my dad could get away with this. Not that he did it on purpose to demonstrate his power, but it did make obvious that his comfort was more important than everyone else's discomfort.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

How many boys that age do you think would be comfortable telling his mother he's uncomfortable seeing her in her underwear? I suspect DH was just looking back to when he was 11 and what his comfort levels were.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> I dont think its weird. You live there, why should you get dressed to run to the bathroom like you are guest at someone else's house? If your son asked you not to dress like that, I would say you should cover up. Does your DH never ever walk around partially clothed? Does he ever walk around without a shirt on? Does he walk around in boxers and a tshirt?


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> I dont think its weird. You live there, why should you get dressed to run to the bathroom like you are guest at someone else's house? If your son asked you not to dress like that, I would say you should cover up. Does your DH never ever walk around partially clothed? Does he ever walk around without a shirt on? Does he walk around in boxers and a tshirt?


Why yes, yes he does. He likes to go "commando" so his normal relaxing attire is knit shorts and t-shirt. Sometimes without the t-shirt. I suppose the types of shorts he wears are less like underwear than boxers, but there's also that double standard that men can cover up less than women and still be publicly apropos.


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

This is true, but I think there would be body language signs if he were uncomfortable, even if he didn't mention it. Truly, I think he is oblivious.... For example, if we're in the bed watching TV, DS will come and just plop down on the bed for snuggle time before bedtime. I do cover with a sheet in these instances, but I don't think he would do that if he was uncomfortable with me being in my undies (that are mostly covered with a t-shirt, keep in mind).

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> How many boys that age do you think would be comfortable telling his mother he's uncomfortable seeing her in her underwear? I suspect DH was just looking back to when he was 11 and what his comfort levels were.


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## AAK (Aug 12, 2004)

I don't think your sleepwear seems too revealing to be around your son. However, I would put on a bit more if he is having someone stay over--like a pair of men's boxers instead of the granny panties. That's just me though.

In our house, the girls will still see dh in his boxers occasionally. My oldest is 11 1/2. And I run near naked through the house often. But, we only have daughters. Also, if a friend is over, I cover myself and dh doesn't walk about in boxers. Mostly though, we try to not make a big deal out of it. If a friend were to catch a glimpse of dh in boxers it wouldn't be a big deal to me, but dh was raised in a very modest household (boys were required to have shirt and pants on when people were over) and so it would bother him.

Amy


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Yeah, if yourn DH is lounging with no shirt on and knit shorts with no undies I think its okay for you to run to the kitchen in your granny panties and tshirt.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

You would think so but sometimes it's hard to read in the opposite sex. My DH and DD have always been especially close. They are two peas in a pod. However around 12, DD started redrawing her bounderies. *I* could see it because I'm a girl and I remember but DH was totally clueless even with having grown up with 3 older sisters. For example, DH has always been one to help fold laundry but I could see when DD was no longer comfortable with him handling her underwear. There's been lots of things pop-up over the years and I've pretty much had to clue DH in every step. It's not his fault. She does her very best to hide it and she's still very much "daddy's little girl" even at 14. I expect DH will be clueing me in about DS when the time comes lol.

I'm not saying this is your situation or that it ever will be. I guess I just give your DH the benefit of the doubt. He's been a boy. He might remember how things changed as he aged or might be seeing something different.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nasubi77*
> 
> This is true, but I think there would be body language signs if he were uncomfortable, even if he didn't mention it. Truly, I think he is oblivious.... For example, if we're in the bed watching TV, DS will come and just plop down on the bed for snuggle time before bedtime. I do cover with a sheet in these instances, but I don't think he would do that if he was uncomfortable with me being in my undies (that are mostly covered with a t-shirt, keep in mind).


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AAK*
> 
> I don't think your sleepwear seems too revealing to be around your son. However, I would put on a bit more if he is having someone stay over--like a pair of men's boxers instead of the granny panties. That's just me though.
> 
> ...


Oh yeah, definitely! I certainly dress "respectable" when the kids have friends over, boys or girls!


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> For example, DH has always been one to help fold laundry but I could see when DD was no longer comfortable with him handling her underwear.


LOL that reminded me of the other day, DS called to me from the bathroom to bring him some underwear. Then he said, "Don't pick out the underwear, just bring me some."

I brought him his undies and said, "Here's the underwear I picked out especially for you!"

So, he promptly took them back to his drawer and got another pair!


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Calliope84*
> 
> *This is weird... because if you had a DD, this wouldn't even matter.* If I have all girls, I doubt I'll care what I wear. I saw my mom pretty much naked all the time when I was growing up. She wasn't weirded out about changing in front of us or whatever. I never saw my dad, though. I think he always had on pj pants. Geez. I honestly can't even remember what he wore around the house... I don't think I ever paid attention or cared. I guess if I have a boy I might wear full on pjs around the house when he gets older, but... eh. If we had had a boy and all boys, DH could have been regularly running around nude and no one would have cared lol. It just seems so weird that you can breastfeed a child until they are old enough to always remember breastfeeding, but then at some point your body becomes taboo somehow and you have to hide it from the same child.


Actually it may really matter to the girl. My grandma was and still is very laid back about what she wears and it still mortifies my mother. She is just a more modest person by nature and has always been embarrassed by nudity. I have never cared about nudity and have no problem walking around naked or showering in gyms. Different people have different comfort levels no matter what their gender is.

OP: Maybe your son has mentioned something to your husband about this. I think you should sit down with your son and ask him about this if you are worried about how he feels.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


> All members of the household deserve respect and courtesy. If a member, adult or child, is uncomfortable with something very easy to accomodate, why wouldn't you?


Why should Mom give up her respect & courtesy for an issue that isn't even real. The son does NOT have a problem with it, the dh has a perceived issue that isn't real & is a double standard.

The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this. This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

You are more than welcome to run your home like that. I choose not to.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CarrieMF*
> 
> Why should Mom give up her respect & courtesy for an issue that isn't even real. The son does NOT have a problem with it, the dh has a perceived issue that isn't real & is a double standard.
> 
> The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this. This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CarrieMF*
> 
> Why should Mom give up her respect & courtesy for an issue that isn't even real. The son does NOT have a problem with it, the dh has a perceived issue that isn't real & is a double standard.
> 
> The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this. This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.


So the fact that her DH has a problem doesn't factor in at all?


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CarrieMF*
> The son would let her know(verbally or through actions) that he is uncomfortable & he hasn't done this. This is dh's issue that probably does stem from when he was that age, but until the son has an issue with it Mom should not have to change.


The son let her know how he felt about his own underwear and she made a joke about it, so I wouldn't assume that he's neutral on the whole "parents running around the house without appropriate clothing" issue (which sounds like it's both parents). This doesn't sound like a situation where they son can say what he feels and know that he will be taken seriously.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nasubi77*
> 
> LOL that reminded me of the other day, DS called to me from the bathroom to bring him some underwear. Then he said, "Don't pick out the underwear, just bring me some."
> 
> ...


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> The son let her know how he felt about his own underwear and she made a joke about it, so I wouldn't assume that he's neutral on the whole "parents running around the house without appropriate clothing" issue (which sounds like it's both parents). This doesn't sound like a situation where they son can say what he feels and know that he will be taken seriously.


I think you read way too much into that exchange. My son is happy-go-lucky and it was a light-hearted tease and he was laughing the whole time. We have a very similar sense of humor and have interactions like this all the time (not always about underwear!). But he absolutely knows that I will and do take him seriously when he needs and wants it. I also think saying "running around the house without appropriate clothing" is a huge exaggeration of "dashing to the bathroom in the late evening hours just before bedtime in my night shirt and underwear".

I asked for opinions and I am happy to receive them from all sides of the issue, but I'd appreciate you to leave the judgment and criticism behind.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I wouldn't change the way I dress. But, I'll be honest - I'm really creeped out by the attitude that there's something inappropriate about going to the bathroom or kitchen in one's own house, with all private body parts covered. If one of my kids was expressing discomfort with it, I'd cover up (and I've had conversations about this topic with ds1 in the past), except for breastfeeding. But, there's no way I'd let another adult's messed up (in my opinion, of course) ideas about the female body, modesty and sexuality dictate how I dressed in my own home. And, imo, that's what this is about - messed up ideas about those things.


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## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

Linda on the move, this comment is so whack. (Unnecessary). I'm surprised to see it coming from you.
Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> Its a family decision, but your husband is a member of your family. I don't see what your big deal is about throwing on a pair of shorts or a bathrobe when you walk around your house. You know it bothers him, but you keep doing it because....... why?
> 
> Sleep in whatever you want, but cover your a$$ when you walk around the house.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions? To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences? This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.

OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> I wouldn't change the way I dress. But, I'll be honest - I'm really creeped out by the attitude that there's something inappropriate about going to the bathroom or kitchen in one's own house, with all private body parts covered. If one of my kids was expressing discomfort with it, I'd cover up (and I've had conversations about this topic with ds1 in the past), except for breastfeeding. But, there's no way I'd let another adult's messed up (in my opinion, of course) ideas about the female body, modesty and sexuality dictate how I dressed in my own home. And, imo, that's what this is about - messed up ideas about those things.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

How is your dh dressing? Is he completely covering up? You are wearing at least as much as me. Does your dh realize your son will see complete strangers in public in a bikini? or less?


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions? To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences? This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.
> 
> OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions? To live in a house and care not at all about what makes a spouse comfortable, even when the solution is so minor? How can you have a marriage like that? Who is the one being controlling when they refuse to give an ounce on any of their own personal preferences? This isn't some possessive creep telling his wife she is 'not allowed" to go out in a short skirt. He just thinks his son approaching puberty might be getting a little old to see mom in her underwear. That makes him some freak with perverse opinions of the female body? It's not like he was on her about it when the child was 3, nor is it unphathomable that a boy that age could be uncomfortable. Sure, dad could be jumping the gun or worrying about something that might never be an issue but he's not being irrational. How terrible, a dad thinking about the comfort of his developing child.... what a loser right. Us moms never worry needlessly about our children or ask others to make accomodations for what we feel would make their lives more comfortable.
> 
> *OP, this isn't a response to you or your issue at all. I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters and I really hate that this is become some women's rights issue*.


So he is just allowed to go about in knit shorts, no undies, and no shirt all day long but GOD FORBID she run to the bathroom at 10 pm in her granny panties and tshirt that covers more than a swimsuit and isnt sexy at ALL? And you _dont_ think that is a double standard? I dont think he is any kind of creep, but I think he obviously has issues with the female body otherwise he, himself, wouldnt run around with less clothing on than her while he's just watching tv and lounging about.

I feel like this has gotten blown WAY out of proportion. We are talking about a mom going to the bathroom or getting a glass of water late at night, right before bed, in her own house. We arent talking about a mom who is running around naked in front of her kid in broad daylight (not that I really think there is anything wrong with that if everyone is okay with it). We arent talking about OP dressing that way when company is over, when she is hanging out with her kid, or really ever except right before bed.

Her DH can go around with very little clothing all day long, but she has to wear a bathrobe to get a glass of water? No. That is just ridiculous. It is a double standard and completely unfair. If he wants to make new rules for the house, he should agree to abide by them too.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> Reading all this, I have to wonder is the issue people are having really about underwear or the fact that the husband asked that she stop? I know these forums tend to have an anti-male slant but really, a guy can't even have an opinion without being branded some sort of domineering creep out to control his wife? Is that what we've come too that we jump to those conclusions?
> 
> ...


And, I frankly find the idea that I have an anti-male slant highly amusing. I find MDC to border on man-hating at times, and it's one of the things that's almost driven me away on several occasions. Having a strong philosophical viewpoint that's at odds with the OP's dh doesn't make me "anti-male".

ETA: I just reread my original post and see that I specifed "female body", which is probably where you got the bizarre idea that I'm coming from an anti-male perspective. OP's dh doesn't seem to have any problem with hanging around the house partially clothed himself, and is only asking that his wife cover up her body, which is female. His concerns are obviously about her partially clothed body being a female one, which is why I said "female" in my first post. In general, I think we have messed up ideas about the human body, modesty and sexuality. This particular instance happens to be about messed up ideas about a female body, specifically, but it goes both ways. (The number of people who seem to think that even seeing an adult human penis will scar a child for life constantly blows my mind.)


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> So he is just allowed to go about in knit shorts, no undies, and no shirt all.


I think that's really, really tacky. My husband wouldn't dream of being in any room other than our bedroom like that.

Neither of us go about the house in our underwear, or worse, no underwear and clothes that things could fall out of.









Different families are different, and others are comfortable with things we wouldn't be. To me, it isn't about the gender of the parents and the children. I don't run around in clothes that show my underwear in front of my DDs. I just don't. I think it's tacky to do so. If there were some real reason, like we camping or something, that would be one thing, but just as a day to day thing around the house, it's just not how we do things at our house.

And no, we aren't prudes or messed up or anything. We all go swimming as a family. May be it's our age, or the fact that I'm from the midwest and my DH is British. I don't know, but we just don't run around the house in our underwear.

I don't see why the *rules* should be different based on the gender of the parent or child, though. It seems like a family ought to be "underwear friendly" or not.


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> So he is just allowed to go about in knit shorts, no undies, and no shirt all day long but GOD FORBID she run to the bathroom at 10 pm in her granny panties and tshirt that covers more than a swimsuit and isnt sexy at ALL? And you _dont_ think that is a double standard? I dont think he is any kind of creep, but I think he obviously has issues with the female body otherwise he, himself, wouldnt run around with less clothing on than her while he's just watching tv and lounging about.
> 
> ...


Just to be fair, I said he sometimes goes without a shirt. Usually if he's working in the garden or yard or if it's close to bedtime, the same time frame I'm talking about for myself. I don't know if it's a southern thing, but a guy not wearing a shirt is really no big deal. You can drive through town and see more than one guy walking around shirtless on any given summer day.

Quote:


> Neither of us go about the house in our underwear, or worse, no underwear and clothes that things could fall out of.


The types of shorts he wears do not put him in danger of "falling out". After living with him for 13 years, I have never caught a "glimpse" of anything while he is dressed, no matter if it's his lounging shorts or going out in public shorts (the biggest difference being the lounging shorts usually have elastic waistbands while the going out shorts button and zip).

This has been a very interesting conversation! It has gone from a casual conversation DH and I have had at home to a very passionate issue for some of you!


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

OP this is just the beginning i think. i recall seeing this with my parents. as we got older they had to work hard on parenting issues.

if you feel just putting on sleep shorts is good (oh my i have some and they i think are worse than underwear - got them extra with my pj set) for you then that is fine. but if you are putting on shorts with a grudge against your dh just to keep the peace in the house then think about talking about it to your dh.

i would use this situation to get into the habit of talking about things, rather than one parent doing what the other parent is uncomfortable just because.

in my family my dad was a GREAT parent to us when we were kids, but as teenagers he just freaked out. instead my mom became the great parent as a tween and teenager. i have so much respect for her because she fought hard and strong (it also strenthened their marriage) to help my dad tow a 'non freak out' line.


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## Mummoth (Oct 30, 2003)

What is your DH's response when you say your PJ's cover more than your swim suit? I think as long as private parts are covered, it's nobody's business but your own. I wear the same kind of things for PJ's as the OP, and I think if my son was uncomfortable with that, he'd need a reality check! I won't not go swimming for his teen years if my modest swim suit makes him uncomfortable, why would I change what he might see for 30 seconds while I run to the bathroom in the morning? Being uncomfortable and getting over it is part of puberty.


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## hillymum (May 15, 2003)

I shout out warnings to my kids that I am on the toilet naked and they still come talk to me!! My eldest is more selfconcious now, but he will still talk to me while I am in the shower or walking around in my bedroom getting dressed. If he wants to sleep with me I will put a vest top and panties on, where as with my 10 and 6 yr old I will only put panties on.


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## Nasubi77 (Feb 24, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mummoth*
> 
> What is your DH's response when you say your PJ's cover more than your swim suit? I think as long as private parts are covered, it's nobody's business but your own. I wear the same kind of things for PJ's as the OP, and I think if my son was uncomfortable with that, he'd need a reality check! I won't not go swimming for his teen years if my modest swim suit makes him uncomfortable, why would I change what he might see for 30 seconds while I run to the bathroom in the morning? Being uncomfortable and getting over it is part of puberty.


His response is usually something along the lines of, "Well, that's different..."

And for those who wonder what the root of DH's problem with this issue is, he remembers seeing his mother put on pantyhose when he was about that age, and now he has something of a pantyhose fetish so I think he makes that connection.


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## Mummoth (Oct 30, 2003)

Ohhhhh... well, I think it's pretty hard to argue with an irrational fear, but there's no way you guys can predict what might become appealing to DS when he's an adult. You could drive yourself crazy trying to avoid anything that he could associate with sexually later on. It could be seeing you brush your hair or put on sunscreen or... the purple oven mitts with the duckies on them! What people grow up and find attractive is totally random, and if he happens to associate that with something you did around him when he was a kid, then it's too bad but he has to live with it. you aren't doing anything inappropriate and your DH shouldn't be treating you as though you are.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AFWife*
> 
> I think that it should be a family decision. Normally I'd say when your son feels uncomfortable you'll know it and then you can take appropriate steps. But, to keep the arguments down, maybe just grab a super comfy and cute pair of shorts to walk around in until you actually slip into bed?


Yes.. Old Navy has some really comfey Boxer shorts. Kinda expensive considering it's Old Navy but, I really like them.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I have asked my husband to wear a shirt around anybody else in the house. He respects my feelings without worrying about what causes them.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

As a kid, I didn't care about my parent sitting around in their underwear. My dad's boxers didn't look a heck of a lot different than his bathing suit.

I DID, however, have a problem with them being in their undies when I had friends over. Seeing as they weren't very thoughtful in that regard, I didn't ask my friends to come over much, and I wasn't home much. Natural consequences.

I have never been in the habit of sitting around in my underwear, even before I had kids, so that practice continued into my parenting style and it's just not something I do. I like to be clothed. But I don't think it's inappropriate if someone else does it.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

duplicate


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nasubi77*
> 
> I just wanted your opinions on this issue where my husband and I disagree...
> 
> ...


I think that if it's something you've "always" done in front of your children then it's no big deal. However, as they get older I'd keep an eye out and watch things and if they start to become uncomfortable with it then maybe cover up when walking out in the house in front of them. Until that were to happen then I wouldn't see a problem with it. I didn't show that much in front of my son when he was younger, but I did dress in front of him and go potty with him in public places to a certain age and I could just tell once he got to an age where he was uncomfortable with it.


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

Sounds like your hubby is pretty controlling. We were born NAKED. Why be embarrassed or awkard about your own body. Weird. He's making a thing where there isn't one. I sometimes get caught by my dd running to the tub or my room naked. Who cares!


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## pupsnelda (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mummoth*
> 
> What is your DH's response when you say your PJ's cover more than your swim suit? I think as long as private parts are covered, it's nobody's business but your own. I wear the same kind of things for PJ's as the OP, and I think if my son was uncomfortable with that, he'd need a reality check! I won't not go swimming for his teen years if my modest swim suit makes him uncomfortable, why would I change what he might see for 30 seconds while I run to the bathroom in the morning? Being uncomfortable and getting over it is part of puberty.


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## Cyllya (Jun 10, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nasubi77*
> 
> And for those who wonder what the root of DH's problem with this issue is, he remembers seeing his mother put on pantyhose when he was about that age, and now he has something of a pantyhose fetish so I think he makes that connection.


IMO, if you accidentally cause your son to have a fetish for long t-shirts and full-coverage underpants, you're only doing him and his future wife a favor.


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## littlest birds (Jul 18, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Cyllya*
> 
> IMO, if you accidentally cause your son to have a fetish for long t-shirts and full-coverage underpants, you're only doing him and his future wife a favor.


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## Alphaghetti (May 26, 2005)

After reading this thread, I wonder if we are the only family in the world who walks around naked in front of one another. My children are 7 (ds), 9 (dd) and 11 (dd), and we ALL walk around with nothing at all on, after showers or while looking for clothes etc. None of my kids have ever questioned me, or made me think that they were uncomfortable with it. My 11 yo dd is in puberty too, and will stand and talk to her father while he is toweling off from a bath, without batting an eye.

Is this maybe because we've never made an issue of it? I really do think that our North American culture is a little over the top conservative when it comes to nudity and sexuality on a whole. I know this doesn't directly answer the OP's question, but I wanted to say this.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

This parental nudity question comes up every now and again doesn't it?

Dh and I both sleep naked and dh will put shorts on to go to the bathroom but I never do and never have done.

I have been naked around my children since they were born and my 18yo son will still once in a while talk to me in the shower or stand in the bedroom doorway talking while I get dressed. My 14yo has always been more private and he rarely does this but that is his choice and I respect that.

Hiding our bodies from our children sends them an odd message IMO and I don't want the only images of female bodies my sons have ever seen to be airbrushed ones they see in advertising or fakery on tv and elsewhere. I am the mother of four children and have a body that shows my journey.

Shorts and a t shirt is a long way from naked so I'd not give it a second thought. Perhaps your husband is putting too much thought into this? His experiences are not his son's!


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## lkvosu (Feb 9, 2011)

What a refreshing perspective!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *orangefoot*
> 
> This parental nudity question comes up every now and again doesn't it?
> 
> ...


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I would vote sleep in whatever you want, but keep a pair of pj shorts near the end of the bed to slip on when you leave your master bedroom. I sleep in undies and a tee shirt too - but don't walk around the house that way, and I only have daughters! To me, underwear isn't what you wear around the house. And I also agree with those that say that an 11 year old boy might not say he is uncomfortable even if he is. I'd just toss on shorts or something else comfy when you leave your room.


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## Sabrina78 (Aug 21, 2011)

I don't see a problem with what the OP is doing. At all.

I have no issue being in my underwear around my 11 year old ds, and I honestly don't think he's ever noticed. He also has no issue being in his underwear in front of me or dh. I don't regularly walk around in my underwear, but if I happen to need to go to another room to grab something to wear (I have a couple of closets







) and he sees me in my underwear..big deal. Like the OP said, it covers more than a lot of bikinis (and we have a pool, and I wear bikinis. shame on me, I know







). I actually had to tell ds to put on some clothes when he was running around in his underwear while my parents were visiting! He's more likely to do it than us. I also wholeheartedly agree with orangefoot who said "Hiding our bodies from our children sends them an odd message IMO and I don't want the only images of female bodies my sons have ever seen to be airbrushed ones they see in advertising or fakery on tv and elsewhere. I am the mother of four children and have a body that shows my journey." I just don't get why the human body is something to be weird about.


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## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

I'm a very naked person, and my kids so far haven't said anything about it that makes me feel a need to cover up, and neither has my partner. He likes to be covered himself, although he's not the natural parent. I know my kids also still see their dad nude, less often because he sleeps in underpants, but gosh it really is a family to family thing. I think you've gotten a fair amount of ideas ranging the whole gamut. I hope you find something that works for you all.


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## Jennyfur (Jan 30, 2007)

My parents always ran around naked, and all of us kids would talk to my mom while she was in the tub. She called it Grand Central Station.









Our kids still at home are 17 (boy), 17 (girl), and 13 (girl), and we don't wear all that much, so of course I think it's okay. My DH doesn't have any problem with my dress, which more often than not is my nightie. He tends to hang out in his boxers, and the kids love to stay in their jammies. Neither my DH nor I has seen any indication that DS17 is uncomfortable.


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## jdsf (Apr 6, 2011)

I know I only have daughters, and we are a house full of technically girls (I don't have a penis even though I identify as male), but we all walk around in our underwear, sometimes topless, and it's not a problem. We live in a city where there is a public ordinance allowing women to be topless in public, and as such there are a number of pools where women wear only bottoms. If I did have a boy or boys, I would definitely make it known that boobs are only taboo because Western society says so, they are just implements to feed children and the sexualization of breasts is not worldwide, etc. I think it's fine for family members to be in just underwear around the house. Naked does not equal sexual! Luckily my partner works with children who have special needs and my kids volunteer at her school, so they understand that it's ok to be naked from time to time. A couple hundred years ago, no one would think twice, it's just conservative social norms.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Uh, okay. We are the run around in whatever kind. DH recently asked that I ask the girls to wear more than just their chonies. Because he's uncomfortable. As a father, his feelings are valid. Now where the son is concerned your DH might just remember what it felt like to be you DS's age. My brother once confided in me that when he was 12 he saw our moms chest and it freaked him out because, 1. it's his mother and 2. he was slightly turned on. And thus he felt shame.

And I will leave you with that.


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## kayleesmom (Dec 16, 2004)

I would say no but also thiknk about frm ur sons prospective at his age maybe ur hubby is thinking wow well at 11 I felt uncomfy so he must also


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## sharon71 (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> Its a family decision, but your husband is a member of your family. I don't see what your big deal is about throwing on a pair of shorts or a bathrobe when you walk around your house. You know it bothers him, but you keep doing it because....... why?
> 
> Sleep in whatever you want, but cover your a$$ when you walk around the house.


wow! so her husband get to dictate how she's dresses? that would not fly in my home. My DH does not control me and that includes telling me how to dress inside my home or outside of it!!


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

I don't think it has anything to do with what her husband dictates. He was a boy once, he knows what goes on in a boys head. He may be begging her in order to alleviate any stress she may cause her son. And since none of us are boys I doubt any of us have a leg to stand on in this argument.

And furthermore, I don't see it as being respectful of anyone to say her husband is trying to control her. I don't know many wives or husbands who do things they know bothers the other, if they're that vocal about it.


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## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sharon71*
> 
> wow! so her husband get to dictate how she's dresses? that would not fly in my home. My DH does not control me and that includes telling me how to dress inside my home or outside of it!!


If her husband was really controlling how she dresses, I don't think she would be here asking opinions of whether or not she should put on pants. She would be doing it because she would be afraid of what he would do to her if she didn't.

When you live with another person, you have to take their feelings into consideration and make compromises. Is him asking her to sleep in boxers rather than panties really any different than the other compromises we all make each day to live happily with others? My husband got a small reading light after I asked him to because his bedside lamp was too bright for me when I was trying to sleep. Does that mean I control him? Not in my book. It means he is being considerate of my feelings.


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## sharon71 (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Imakcerka*
> 
> I don't think it has anything to do with what her husband dictates. He was a boy once, he knows what goes on in a boys head. He may be begging her in order to alleviate any stress she may cause her son. And since none of us are boys I doubt any of us have a leg to stand on in this argument.
> 
> And furthermore, I don't see it as being respectful of anyone to say her husband is trying to control her. I don't know many wives or husbands who do things they know bothers the other, if they're that vocal about it.


Her husband can ask her to cover up yes but only ask her.

I guess my issue was more with the way Linda on the move addressed the OP like the OP had to do as her DH said just because he said too. therefore dictating/controlling the OP.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

I don't think what Linda said was much different than what others said. Maybe you just don't like the delivery.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sharon71*
> 
> Her husband can ask her to cover up yes but only ask her.
> 
> I guess my issue was more with the way Linda on the move addressed the OP like the OP had to do as her DH said just because he said too. therefore dictating/controlling the OP.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Imakcerka* 

I don't think it has anything to do with what her husband dictates. He was a boy once, he knows what goes on in a boys head. He may be begging her in order to alleviate any stress she may cause her son. And since none of us are boys I doubt any of us have a leg to stand on in this argument.

I beg your pardon? There are roughly 3 billion male human beings on this planet, and assuming that OP's dh has any special insight into their son's opinion on this, simply because they both have a penis, is illogical. This sort of situation, ime, has far, far more to do with individual temperament and relationship dynamics than it does with gender.

And furthermore, I don't see it as being respectful of anyone to say her husband is trying to control her. I don't know many wives or husbands who do things they know bothers the other, if they're that vocal about it.



> If it bothers the OP's dh, then maybe he should say so, instead of projecting his concerns about her lack of pants onto their son. OP's dh is operating on the assumption that their son is bothered, not on the fact that he is bothered.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lindberg99*
> 
> If her husband was really controlling how she dresses, I don't think she would be here asking opinions of whether or not she should put on pants. She would be doing it because she would be afraid of what he would do to her if she didn't.
> 
> ...


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Stormbride, it appears as though you're projecting your own personal experience into the OP's situation. While I can respect that you may not have had the greatest relationship and that may be what you're going by, you're actually just insighting division by siding with the OP over very little information.

Now if you have good insight into the male and you young male thought process when viewing naked women, consider familiar and none please share.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I'm going to answer directly to the OPs original question. I've got 3 boys, ages 7, 10, and 12 yrs old. I sleep in a t-shirt and undies during the summer too. I also have no problem walking around the house that way. My bathing suit covers less, and I've never had a problem wearing that in front of the boys. Of course I've also been known to walk around in my bra and pants or shorts while running downstairs to get a shirt from the laundry. Again, I figure it's covering what most bathing suits cover, so no big deal. So, it does seem strange to me that your dh would be concerned about it, unless of course your son expressed some sort of concern directly to him. As for the complexity of your dh feeling uncomfortable with your ds seeing you that way, I'm just not sure. I asked and my dh doesn't care. His exact words were, "Why would I care? You've got more coverage on than your bathing suit."


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Imakcerka*
> 
> Stormbride, it appears as though you're projecting your own personal experience into the OP's situation. While I can respect that you may not have had the greatest relationship and that may be what you're going by, you're actually just insighting division by siding with the OP over very little information.
> 
> Now if you have good insight into the male and you young male thought process when viewing naked women, consider familiar and none please share.


I'm not projecting anything. He's trying to tell her how to dress (based on his own projections about what his son might be thinking). That's all the information I need, because, imo, that's controlling, in and of itself. If that's behaviour that's acceptable in the OP's marriage, that's between her and her dh. But, I find it inherently controlling. (The nature of my first marriage has nothing to do with it, and my ex never tried to tell me how to dress in any case. I only brought my first marriage up at all, because someone was asserting that if the OP's dh were controlling, then she wouldn't even have posted, because she'd be too afraid of what he'd do, which is inaccurate.) Telling one's partner how to dress crosses a line that I, personally, won't tolerate. That doesn't mean I think everyone else has to have the same boundaries. It also doesn't mean that I think the OP's dh necessarily has a pattern of being controlling.

I have no idea what you mean by "consider familiar and none".

However - insight into which male and young male thought process? My ex? My dh? My son? The OP's dh? The OP's son? They're all different males/young males, and they don't have the same thought processes. (The OP is also not naked in the discussion at hand.) In any case...I still wear underwear around the house, and ds1 is 18. He's not even a little bit bothered by it. He never has been. He'd have told me if he did. (He had a bit of discomfort with it when I breastfed in front of his friends when he was about 13, and we talked about that, but it wasn't a huge deal, and he agreed with me that breastfeeding is totally natural, and he didn't want me to stop.) My ex wouldn't care at all, as it turns out that he's gay. DH? IDH's mom was always fully dressed, as far as I can tell. But, he's never expressed any concern about me walking around in my underwear (which covers the same as a bathing suit, as others have mentioned), and doesn't show any signs of worrying that it's going to scar the boys. (He's ds1's stepdad, but has lived here since ds1 was 8, and my ex is almost 100% absent from ds1's life, so dh is/was the father figure throughout ds1's puberty and adolescence.) My mom was casual about underwear on her way to the bathroom and such, and it never bothered my brother, either. (He may even have been home a few of the times when migraine-induced vomiting drove her to the bathroom naked. If so, I can assure you he never saw anything sexual about it.)

I have no insight into "the" male and young male mind, because they're all different. Yes - there are similarities, and there are truths that probably apply to most pubescent/adolescent males (eg. I do think the majority of them are somewhat - or more than somewhat - preoccupied with sex...of course, most of the teenage girls I knew were, too), but they're all different.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Familiar and non, family or not.

Ok fine you win, he's a telling her what to do it's cut and dry. Thanks for clearing it up.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Imakcerka*
> 
> Familiar and non, family or not.
> 
> Ok fine you win, he's a telling her what to do it's cut and dry. Thanks for clearing it up.


Okay - I reread the OP, and I'd misremembered. You're right. He's not exactly telling her what to do. However, "fussing" at me about it would be just as over the boundary in my own marriage. And, again - I'm not the OP and I'm not claiming to be. I'm not sure why you're getting so bent about the lines I personally draw about my body and my marriage. I'm well aware that lots of couples are okay with telling each other how to dress, chiding each other over their dress sense, etc. It's simply not acceptable to me, in my marriage.

This isn't that cut and dry for everyone, and I haven't "cleared it up" for anyone else. OP's dh's behaviour would obviously be okay with and acceptable to many of the posters in this thread. I can't tell OP what her boundaries should be, and I wouldn't try. I've really just been trying to make the point that the "it's not that hard (or that big a deal) to thrown on some shorts" sentiment in this thread isn't a universal truth. It absolutely would be that big a deal to me, and I absolutely wouldn't do it. Only the OP knows where she draws her own lines.


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