# How have you explained circumcision to your children?



## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I'm curious to how others have explained this to their kids. It is a topic we talk about a lot in my house (okay mostly me







). I want to make damn sure my children don't think circumcision is a good option for any boy (unless a true medical reason presents). So what have you told your kids about it, from the younger ones to the older ones?


----------



## Sarah (Nov 20, 2001)

It's a really tough subject for me because we do talk about it a lot in our home... but honestly it is such a horrible thing in our minds- I don't want to explain to my son that this happens to children... like teaching rape before teaching the birds and bees- its a perverted and HORRIBLE thing to tell a kid- it's not a question of "there are two kinds of penises that you may observe among your friends..." it's a question of, "there is a terrible injustice which is daily being acted out in our society I feel very strongly that someone must speak out on their behalf and put a stop to this." The issue in our home is not just, "What if he sees Joey in the lockerroom and doesn't understand what he sees." It's- "I am going to go to Philadelphia to tell those Doctors to stop cutting the penises of babies." (you tell them to *STOP IT* Mom!)

We have a Boxer dog who has his ears and tail and my son was raised HATING the cruelty of docking and he has always made negative comments about docking while at the same time loving and caring about the animal who was subjected to the docking... and he is always proud that our family would never do that to a dog. We have a horse who unfortunatly did lose his tail to a sick fashion for mutilated horses- and my son also empathises with what Billy lost, and suffers to this day for lack of a tail.

I found that when it was time for me to really tell him what this circumcision thing was- that the analogy with docking animals for fashion and habit was an idea that he already understood.

Love Sarah


----------



## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

The first time it came up with my kids was when I was pregnant with our 3rd. I was watching a birth video and something was mentioned about circ. My (then) 9 y/o ds asked what circ was, so I told him and my (then) 5 y/o dd that some people have the skin at the end of their son's penis cut off.

Ds asked a few more questions--"WHY?" was a biggie. I told him that people used to believe it was cleaner or healthier but that now we know that's not true and that there's no reason to circ. I also explained that some people just don't know this yet. I also mentioned that some people's religion tells them to circ.

Dd declared it all "gross" and went on with her life. Ds was horrified, thanked me for not circing him and volunteered that he'd never let that be done to HIS kids. (My work here is done.







) The subject will come up again and I won't hesitate to dole out info to protect any future grandsons!


----------



## onlyboys (Feb 12, 2004)

This is a tough subject for me...

My oldest son is circumcised. I can give you the litany of excuses that I gave myself, but they mean nothing. I circumcised him because I was out of fight at that moment. He was in the NICU for 2 weeks and I was sleeping in a chair in the lobby so I could nurse him on demand. Everyone said to do it, and so I did. The only slight silver lining is that his circumcision doesn't seem to be complete, never did, and I refused to let the pediatrician pull it back and um, break the skin seal. It's fully retractable at 8 years old.

When we found out that we were pregnant, it was one of the first things I said to my husband. We're not circumcising. He's a wonderful man, and he said, of course not. (He's circed). So, we didn't. But, how to tell my beautiful 5 year old (at that time) that we mutilated *his* penis, but won't his brothers.

Well, I didn't say it that way.

But, I did tell him that this is a choice that some mamas and papas make and that it's a poor choice, unless your God tells you that you have to. I told him that I was _sorry_ that I had done that to him, but that I couldn't undo it. I told him that because I cannot undo it, I learned to think about these irreversible "normal" things in an enlightened way, so as not to make the same mistake again.

As the years have progressed, he's asked a lot, "Why did you cut my foreskin off?" And I've had to tell him my excuses are pitiful and I am dreadfully sorry that I did it.

Maybe he'll forgive me eventually. Maybe I'll forgive myself.


----------



## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

Amanda,
Someone at mdc posted this, "When you know better, you do better." I don't think that any of us had all the decisions of parenting worked out prior to having children. I know that I did things with my older children that I didn't do with my youngest--you learn, and you grow and change.
I think that anyone who's circ'd a first son and then gone on to not circ others is brave. You did the right thing, even though you put yourself on the spot with your son, having to explain your decision. You did the right thing. I'm sorry that you and your son went through that--it sucks that you were pressured to make that decision while in such a stressful situation.


----------



## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I had a reply all written out last night and then something happened to the board, ugh!
Anyway, I have told my dd what circ is, that it is the removal of the foreskin. I have also told her that her daddy and I strongly believe it is wrong to circ. She did seem sad that her daddy is circed and wanted know why his parents would do that. I told her that people used to think you should circ but we now know that you shouldn't. I try to be honest with my kids but not burden them with the heaviness of topics like this. My dd has said that she would never circ her son(s). My ds is still young and I haven't really told him anything about circ but I do know he loves his foreskin!:LOL

Amanda, I think that since you have been so honest with your son and your love for him is obvoius from your posts that he will of course forgive you. Yes, we all do make mistakes , I have made probably more than my fair share and letting go of the guilt is so hard. Something I work on a lot.
Maybe when your son is old enough you could tell him where to find info on restoration.


----------



## Mama J Rock (Apr 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Joan*
I don't think that any of us had all the decisions of parenting worked out prior to having children. I know that I did things with my older children that I didn't do with my youngest--you learn, and you grow and change.

This is so true. With what I know today about circ, I am ashamed to admit that my 11 yo ds is circed. At the time I honestly never even thought about it being something to not do. I mean all I heard were the "pros" and thought nothing more about it. Now that I am so enlightened on the subject I cannot believe that I never even gave it a thought, but I honestly didn't.

Of course no future boys in our family (if there ever are) will be circed and my son knows that it's because we just know better now. At this point he doesn't feel bad or "less whole" because he was circed. He knows I did the best I could with what I had at the time and that I'm sorry I didn't know better.

As far as how we would address the subject with our other children if the subject came up is that it is like a lobotomy; something they used to do as a standard procedure, but that people who know what's really going on don't do anymore. If that makes any sense?


----------



## EDG (May 12, 2004)

I'm a son whos tried talking to his mom about circumcision. She laughed at me and told me "'too bad, what are you going to do about it now?". Thanks mom


----------



## ~Jenna~ (Dec 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EDG*
I'm a son whos tried talking to his mom about circumcision. She laughed at me and told me "'too bad, what are you going to do about it now?". Thanks mom









Wow. That's harsh.


----------



## Colorful~Mama (Feb 20, 2003)

well, we're messianic (i'm jewish by birth) so it we expained it to our girls based on torah - Jewish Law. And our son will understand the same way when the time comes.


----------



## ja mama (Sep 6, 2003)

It actually came up a few weeks ago. I was clipping both ds's toenail after a bath and was letting the younger bro have a turn "clipping" when he turned on big bro suddenly and tried to clip his penis. Ds2 was sitting, ds1 was standing so it was just sort of the closest thing to him. Ds1 thought it was funny and told ds2 "hey, don't clip my penis, that would really hurt" and it turned into a big game. At one point it just seemed obvious this was the time to plant the first seed of knowledge. I told him he'd actually had his penis clipped when he was a baby and it had hurt him a lot. He didn't believe me at first. Then I told him Daddy took him to a doctor that cut some stretchy skin off the end, which was a really hurtful thing to do. ( Little brother then demonstrated stetchy skin) Ds1 asked why Daddy had taken him to a Doctor to cut his penis skin, and I told him that Daddy thought it needed to happen because that's what Grandma R had done to Daddy when he was a baby. "Did it hurt Daddy when he was a baby?" Yep. "Why did the doctor cut the penis skin?" "Because he was a bad doctor that didn't care about hurting babies" I explained that I had gone and nursed him afterwards. That he had slept all afternoon and he'd cried every time he moved his legs, and that Daddy and I had both cried because it was such a sad thing to have let happened.

Ds asked later that day going to nap why Daddy had taken him to a bad Doctor and not a good Doctor, and I told him because Mommy wasn't strong enough to make Daddy understand. He then told me in his little offhand way that he was glad it was all better and healed now.

I'm sure it will be mentioned again someday. Part of me really sees the benefit that could come of him being pissed off and verbal around his friends. How enlightening would it be to have him announce that Daddy cut off the end of his penis because Daddy had his skin cut off too. You should never cut a baby, especially not on the penis. Then let the friends discussion begin!


----------



## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EDG*
I'm a son whos tried talking to his mom about circumcision. She laughed at me and told me "'too bad, what are you going to do about it now?". Thanks mom









I'm very sorry your mom brushed off your question in such a cold manner. Good for you though for having the courage to ask!!









Colorful~mama, what will or have you told your children about non-religious circs?


----------



## Colorful~Mama (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:

Colorful~mama, what will or have you told your children about non-religious circs?
My teen knows (and i'll tell the others if/when htey ask) that I don't believe that anyone not bound by torah observance or the covenant with G-d needs to circumcize. Its a hard thing - because as messianic I don't believe that the new testament or Pauls gospel negate the covenant. I could debate that with Christians for hours but thats a whole nother story. Anyway, i believe that there is basis for Christians and Jews to circumcise their sons in accordance with the LAW. My teen has read the passages with me and understands why we as Jews, as messianics, circumcise our children and what it means to do so.

She also understands why someone who is NOT bound by the LAW should not do so. it is almost an abomination to me that someone would circ for non holy reasons. does that make sense?

Anyway, my teen understand that we believe there are no medical reasons to circ and that hospital or doctor circumcisions are painful and horrible from what i've seen and read. I have not let her watch the videos of hospital circ at this point, but did explain that the baby is newborn, taken from parents, strapped to a board and cut by a doctor who may or may not know what he's doing.

She was at the brit milah, so she knows it is different from a hospital circ . Our brit milah was holy - her brother was held in his uncles arms in our home with prayer and love and praise to G-d. The procedure was done by a urologist/mohel who guided MY HAND in making the circumcision (the bible says "you shall circumcise your sons" not you shall hire someone to do it for you) used a the no-clamp blood method that is traditionally used in Jewish circumcision. It was quick and virtually painless from what i saw from my sons reactions. She was there . she understands.

I would venture to guess that my children will circumcise their sons in accordance with torah. But they will hopefully advocate to their non jewish friends against circumcision for non religious reasons.

I do have to say tho that I usually don't venture into this forum and probably won't be back. I understand educating and advocacy, but i tend to get upset when i visit here. My sons penis is just as perfect, in G-ds eyes as someones intact son.

anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming


----------



## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

Barb, thanks for answering my question,I do appreciate it!


----------



## Ilaria (Jan 14, 2002)

If the subject comes up, I will probably just say that some people choose to have part of their kids' penises cut off- leave it at that, and see what he says.


----------



## Veritaserum (Apr 24, 2004)

My 4-yo asked what I was doing one day (circumcision research). She asked, "What's circumcision?" I said "It's when a person, usually a doctor, cuts off part of a baby's penis." Her eyes got wide and she said "I wouldn't want a doctor to cut my vulva!" Recently she told me that doctors who circ are bad. She asked if Daddy's penis was cut when he was a baby. I told her yes. She asked if it would grow back. I said no. She says she's not going to let a bad doctor cut her baby's penis "because that would really hurt!"


----------



## Nathan1097 (Nov 20, 2001)

I have a few older threads here somewhere about talking to my eldest about it. He's seen me working on my site.... He's not to thrilled. But at least he knows it involves cutting the penis. He wouldn't watch a video I have of one either. (I was looking at it. He asked me to turn it off!)


----------



## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

I also think it's important that our children see us as active intactivists......so that anti-circ is a part of their childhood memories, not just some isolated conversation you had one time.

Hence......my anti-circ bumperstickers! It's a start!


----------



## Veritaserum (Apr 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Colorful~Mama*
The procedure was done by a urologist/mohel who guided MY HAND in making the circumcision (the bible says "you shall circumcise your sons" not you shall hire someone to do it for you) used a the no-clamp blood method that is traditionally used in Jewish circumcision. It was quick and virtually painless from what i saw from my sons reactions.

If you're still reading, I've been curious about something for a while. When I see a bris described as really quick, I wonder if the foreskin is being separated from the glans or if the foreskin that extends beyond the glans is what's being removed.

Thanks for clarifying.


----------



## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

honestly we've never discussed it with him.

i'm sure when he's older and more aware, for example, that his penis is different from his daddy's, then we'll sit and have a discussion about it. until then, i'm really not concerned.

i'm sure he's heard me ranting about it to his daddy though *L* ~ it's a major issue with me too. *but* he's never been involved directly about it.


----------



## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sheacoby*
I'm curious to how others have explained this to their kids. ...So what have you told your kids about it, from the younger ones to the older ones?

Age appropriate truth.

When my son was younger, he noticed that his penis (he is circumcised) was different than some of his friends. I explained it in very basic terms. Now that he is older (12 years old), we've discussed it more in-depth, including the fact that doctors now recommend _against_ routine circumcision. We've also talked about the religious aspect of it. I imagine that as he gets older, we'll probably discuss it in even more depth.

So far it's not been an especially difficult thing to dicuss.


----------



## Colorful~Mama (Feb 20, 2003)

hey. i can't believe i'm still reading this thread lol. but i think this answers your question

Quote:

If you're still reading, I've been curious about something for a while. When I see a bris described as really quick, I wonder if the foreskin is being separated from the glans or if the foreskin that extends beyond the glans is what's being removed.

There are three important stages to the Bris process:

Chituch - The removing of the foreskin.

Priah - Uncovering the flesh under the foreskin.

Metzizah - Drawing the blood out of the wound and surrounding areas.


----------



## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

I can't remember how it came up for me and my 4 yo. dd; maybe she overheard a conversation I was having with a friend or something.

I told her that some parents chose to rip off a part of their baby's penis. We talked about how wrong and disgusting it was. I've also taught her about the dangers of hospital births. (When she sees a depiction of a woman having a baby, she's confused, b/c she watched her brother being born at home).

Ah, you can never start enlightening them too early









:LOL


----------

