# anyone's dh in a separate room?



## mariel0419 (Apr 13, 2007)

well, ds and i have been co-sleeping since he was born...dh is in the guest room - now called "his room"...it's been 7 months!

i feel bad that dh is not with us at night, but ds is such a wakeful baby (wakes every 1 to 2 hours). dh has tried to start out the night with us, but he is such a light sleeper and he worries that his movements will wake up ds so he isn't able to fall asleep and ends up going to "his room".

for the most part, it "works" for us, but i really wish we could all sleep together! i don't want to move ds to his own room, but dh hints at it often...

does anyone else's dh sleep separately or are we just out there???


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## ap mom (Dec 23, 2006)

Nope, you're not alone.


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## Tuesday (Mar 3, 2003)

I have two DSs. When first DS came along 4 years ago, after 6 weeks of me waking every 30 minutes to nurse DS in his room, I brought babe to bed. Then DH started sleeping in spare room because he needed unbroken sleep (he commutes long distances as part of his shift-working job) . And I'm a terribly light sleeper and everytime I managed to get DS asleep, DH's snoring would wake me. That was 4 years ago. We moved to a new house just as I was transitioning DS #1 into his own room. But, I was pregnant and now, I co-sleep again with DS#2. DH is still in the spare room. It works out well in that he gets his sleep and can function on the long drive and at work. And I get more sleep. Truthfully, I need my privacy and downtime and I'm discovering that in a household of boys, my feminine bedroom is my sanctuary. I've told DH as much. We're planning when DS#2 is old enough to move the two boys into one room (bunk beds) and use the third smaller room as a study/spare bedroom at which point DH will again be with me. But he must first get help for his snoring!

If I had the money and a bigger home, my ideal layout would be my own private bedroom and bathroom. My husband snores and I can't sleep a wink when he's next to me! I need sleep. And I think our relationship is better when I'm not privy to every bodily function or odour produced by him, if you get my drift.

Don't feel bad, do what works for your family!


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## elyag (Mar 2, 2006)

My DH sleeps in our guest room too. His snoring keeps me and our DD up. Sometimes he tries to sleep with us but usually ends up moving into the other room. So you're not alone!


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## TattooedMama (Aug 31, 2005)

My DP is usually in our middle son's (queen size) bed in his room and I sleep in our bed with 5 m/o ds #3. It works for us!
You are not alone, and I guarantee no ONE sleeping arrangement will last forever. Something will change!


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## pishnook (Sep 29, 2004)

Snorer here too (DH I mean, but actually I snore too







). He sleeps on the couch. Until 3 or 4 am, then comes to bed for 2 or 3 hours - I always wonder, at that point, why bother?!

It's funny b/c with DS2, we're sidecarring a crib to have more room. DS1 slept in the queen bed with us, and it was rather squashy.

Our mattress is also ridiculously squeaky, so the less rolling over being done on it, the better.

And, um, we don't have a sex life to speak of these days, so this arrangement isn't exactly cramping our style!









Hey, my inlaws always joke about getting seperate beds...maybe we're just doing the inevitable?! Ha. I'm sure things will return to "normal" once DS is older...


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## Herausgeber (Apr 29, 2006)

Heck, our sleeping arrangements evolve from night to night. We all sleep wherever we can get the best rest, which lately means me and babe in the king sized bed upstairs and DP with the puppy in a double bed in the basement suite. DP often joins us in the morning for cuddle time, or we join him.

I think it's like this in most households with young children, though people are embarrassed to admit it because it's not the romantic ideal.


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## Rachel J. (Oct 30, 2005)

Right now dh sleeps in the baby's room







He's been there since ds2 was born (but still in the NICU) because I had to get up in the middle of the night and pump. Still had to pump once ds2 came home, and up every two hours working on bfing and pumping so he was glad to be elsewhere. Now that ds2 is 9.5 months old dh is wanting to get back to our bedroom. I've talked him into sidecarring the crib so that dh can have his side back. We'll see how it goes. I miss intimate pre-sleep time with dh but I also have enjoyed not hearing the snoring.


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## ShaggyDaddy (Jul 5, 2006)

I am pretty transient. Typically if the kids (23m and 9m) are having a nice streak of sleep I will sleep in the bedroom with everyone. But when my snoring or some other factor means I am disruptive then I will go somewhere else. We have a guest bedroom, but the couch is more comfortable, so I rotate









Really at this point we have no set rule, just whatever leads to the highest average number of minutes of sleep per night per person is what we go with.


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## ScotiaSky (Jul 2, 2004)

Yup....

Currently DH and DS(3 years old)sleep in the master bedroom and DD(almost 17 months) and I sleep in her bedroom.
Previously it was DS in his own room since he weaned at 14 months and DH and I in our bedroom. Then DD in our bedroom when she was born till around 11 months when her and I moved out.
DH is a very very loud sleeper(the snoring has been driving me batty for years) and neither DD and I were sleeping well. We have since found out he has Sleep Apena which explains a lot.
Then in April DH went away for work for 3 weeks and DS freaked and started joining DD and I at night but the kids disturb each other and no one was getting any sleep.
So when DH came back DS started sleeping with DH. DH mentioned that if everyone was going to start sleeping with him he might as well get a King.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Well *I* am the parent in the"other room"







but that's because DH's snoring keeps me up all night. I saw a Breathe Right commercial for a new product they just came out with (Breathe Right throat rinse).

DH is going to try that and see if that works.

But I let him and DS sleep in the Master bed and I go get on the couch if it becomes unbearable.

I also like to look at this as more "Me time"


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## aja-belly (Oct 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShaggyDaddy* 
average number of minutes of sleep per night per person

which was like 20 minutes last night. :yawning: i was wondering how you were staying awake at work today. appearently you have been mdc'ing.

i wish i could drink a big REAL coffe.


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## mariel0419 (Apr 13, 2007)

soooo comforting to know we're not alone...i don't advertise our sleeping arrangement to others, but sometimes i get to talking and i say that i take ds in to see dh in the morning, then i catch myself and realize how weird that may sound...

and, uh, sex life??? such a far, distant memory...LOL!


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## NamastePlatypus (Jan 22, 2007)

When he has to fly at night, yeah and he did for about 8 monthes and now he is in with us full time except for night flights.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Yep - my dh has severe sleep apnea that he refuses to use his CPAP for (it's too uncomfortable he says) so he sleeps downstairs in his own room, and dd and I sleep upstairs in my room (she has her own room, but it's mostly for toys, guest overnighters, etc.)

I miss sharing sleep with my hubby, but his snoring/apnea has become a train wreck over the past six years, and I absolutely can NOT be in the same room as him.


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## noah's mom (Jan 3, 2006)

Another separate-room situation here! Truth be told, I used to kick DH out for snoring even before DS was born, so until the snoring changes chances are we will continue to spend at least part of the night in separate rooms so we can _both_ get decent sleep (as opposed to just one of us, namely him!).

BTW - DS sleeps with me and DH sleeps in DS's room (which has a double bed, purchased with the idea that our DCs might eventually sleep in that bed together).

As I am now pg with DC#2, clearly we have been able to adapt our sex lives accordingly! (usually end up creating a "love nest" in the family room after DS goes to sleep)


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## aja-belly (Oct 7, 2004)

i think we have more opportunity for sex when dh is out of our room since i usually go spend some time with him after the kids are asleep before i go to bed.


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## mommy2jacob656 (Jan 27, 2007)

OH my goodness I am so glad someone posted this! I was always to embarassed to say anything! LOL..

We have been co-sleeping since birth and my DH has been sleeping on the couch now for 6 months! He wants me to continue sleeping with DS and he snores very loud and has to have a fan on him at night so it works out great!

My mother thinks we have a bad marriage because of this...hehehe...but it just works for us!


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

it's rotating. he sometimes sleeps on the couch, but he did that before DD came along (and that is where she was conceived anyway!). and sometimes i get angry when he does come in and sleep with me and dd because he snores or hogs the covers! (just don't tell him that!)


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## bep (Mar 18, 2007)

my hubby and i haven't slept together since i was pregnant with our twins. as of late i co-sleep with our daughter in our room and my husband with our son in the babies room. my dd is such a poor sleeper and she flip flops allover that we would not possibly all be in the same bed together. we have tried several other scenarios but this works best, they are 16 months!! anyway, just glad we are not alone!!!


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## reezley (May 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mariel0419* 
soooo comforting to know we're not alone...i don't advertise our sleeping arrangement to others, but sometimes i get to talking and i say that i take ds in to see dh in the morning, then i catch myself and realize how weird that may sound...

and, uh, sex life??? such a far, distant memory...LOL!

Me too, all of that. I use phrases like "our room" or "ds's room" and they have no real meaning at all, because ds1 and dh sleep in one room (which used to be ds1's and my room when I was preg with ds2), and ds2 and I sleep in the guest bedroom, which used to be where dh slept when I was preg. So, for close to a year now we haven't been in the same bedroom.







We're quite used to it and it's probably cramping our "style" but really I can't remember what our style was.








But this way only two of four people have to be woken up whenever some kid or baby wakes. And we don't (yet) have a king bed anyway. Someday we'll all be together in one bed, or maybe just dh and I will be.


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## acupuncturemomma (Dec 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2jacob656* 
We have been co-sleeping since birth and my DH has been sleeping on the couch now for 6 months! He wants me to continue sleeping with DS and he snores very loud and has to have a fan on him at night so it works out great!

this is us exactly too, except we're at 9 months








i onder why friends and family think it's indicative of some sort of marital strife? i just tell them that it works great for us because we all sleep better!


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## DesertFlower (Oct 20, 2004)

we put a twin bed by our queen bed, so it was like one huge bed. This way, Kai would have his own space to sleep. It really helped. Kai was a very light sleeper untill I weaned him at 21 months.


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## widemouthedfrog (Mar 9, 2006)

We totally do this. When dd wakes up I wake up, then dh wakes up and asks me if I am ok, then I get irritated at him because responding makes me even more awake...and so on.







. He sleeps in the master bedroom down the hall with an air purifier on so he can't hear dd and I if we are awake during the night.

This way, he is not grumpy the next day and I am not grumpy with him for wanting to discuss dd's sleep habits in the middle of the night.

But yeah, I catch myself on the "daddy's room" thing!


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## wobbema (Mar 19, 2007)

us too, most nights!
DH works at night and goes to bed 1 or 2 hours before we get up... and ds takes his first nap when dh is still in his first hours of sleep, which we kept disturbing cause it takes such a long time before ds finally drifts off...
also, we put 2 matresses on the floor in another bedroom so ds can't fall out of the bed. we find this a saver solution than sleeping in our king bed with just one save side...

and it works great for us...
it feels like we have 2 bedrooms and we can all sleep whereever we want, but it turns out that most nigths we choose the option in which we all get most sleep.... so we end up in the small room with the save bed and dh gets to have the king bed all for himself|!!!!


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## Elizabeth0506 (May 28, 2006)

We have tried sleeping together and in separate rooms but the thing we have found best for us is having a twin bed next to the couch. It makes us feel like we are sleeping together and I can always slip into bed with my dh and still have dd close.


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## ecoteat (Mar 3, 2006)

We all sleep together most nights, but sometimes dh goes to the guest room. He's more sensitive to dd's night waking than I am, so he gets more tired and desperate for sleep than I do. It used to really bother him that he felt ousted from our bed, but I think he's gotten used to the fact that we all sleep better on those nights he goes elsewhere. Or maybe it's because he thinks the end is in sight--I told him months ago that maybe we could try moving dd to a crib this summer (but now I'm not so sure!).


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## letniaLynne (Jun 2, 2006)

Yep we just started this about 3wks ago. My DD (15mths)has had a host of sleep problems (dairy alergy caused hrs of screaming, mths of night terrors) and her daddy's snoring/tossing in bed was also a huge factor we found after we moved out.

So now Daddy sleeps in the King alone w/ the crib still sidecar







and my DD & I sleep in a queen on the floor w/ a bed rail in her room. The plan eventually will be for me to slowly transition back to my room as she gets older and does not wake as often.







:


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

Us, too!

DH and I started sleeping in seperate rooms when I was pg, b/c he worked nights and when he came to bed he would wake me up.

Now dd is 21 months, I sleep with her, and dh sleeps in the guest room. I would love it, and he would love it if we could all sleep in the same room, but we know that this is how we all get the most and best sleep. DH is SOOO paranoid about smooshing DD, and he realizes that she needs to be with me so he's more than ok with it.

Besides that, he likes having the tv on in his room, and I HATE having a tv in the bedroom


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## MaraB (May 24, 2007)

Ladies, even though it might be the best way for everyone to get a good night's sleep, please remember that your DH needs you to still neeed HIM. Make sure you give him extra attention when you can, IYKWIM.







Don't forget, children will grow up, and you've promised to be with your husband for life.


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## acupuncturemomma (Dec 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaraB* 
Ladies, even though it might be the best way for everyone to get a good night's sleep, please remember that your DH needs you to still neeed HIM. Make sure you give him extra attention when you can, IYKWIM.







*Don't forget, children will grow up, and you've promised to be with your husband for life.*

















:


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## Saminvero (May 27, 2007)

DS is 4 months old tomorrow. I sleep in the guest room. It's really comfy and cool in there. Plus DH's clothes and stuff are in the MB and he has to get up early for work. he tucks DS and I in every night. We are both ok with this arrangement. Everyone sleeps better. I think my friends think we're weird though....oh well. On the weekends we do family bed!


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## Rox5266 (Nov 26, 2004)

My dh moved to the couch when ds was 2-3 months old. His choice, not mine. But I am ok with it because like many of the pps, my dh is a loud snorer (I think he may have sleep apnea) and I am a light sleeper so I can't sleep with him anyway. When I was pg I used to beg him to not come to bed until I was fast asleep!


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## Ophelia (Feb 16, 2005)

Separate rooms here too, although it started long before. DH has sleep apnea and I'm a light sleeper







So we haven't slept in the same bed regularly since early pregnancy.

So DS and I are used to sleeping together on the full size bed in the "guest" room (well, the mattress is pillowtop and more comfy for me).


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## georgiegirl1974 (Sep 20, 2006)

DH moved out of our bed when DD was about 4 months old. He is a light sleeper, and so is she, and they kept waking each other up. Now DD (14 mo) and I sleep on a queen mattress on the floor of her room, and DH sleeps in the king bed in the master bedroom. He really wants me to move back in there, but I would need to nightwean DD first.


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## KyleAnn (May 24, 2004)

We go thru phases. Ds is 4 and has always co-slept, but he goes through a rough week or two here & there.
At this point he just kicks a lot, flops all around, throws punches, LOL...dh is a super light sleeper and gets tired of getting kicked in the, er...you know.
So he'll sleep that week or two in the spare bedroom.


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaraB* 
Ladies, even though it might be the best way for everyone to get a good night's sleep, please remember that your DH needs you to still neeed HIM. Make sure you give him extra attention when you can, IYKWIM.







Don't forget, children will grow up, and you've promised to be with your husband for life.









Ah, but chidlren will only be little for a very short time, and I will be with my partner for life...so there is lots of time for us to be intimate, and he understands how exhausted I am right now. I know your suggestion was meant to be kind and helpful...but I honestly am giving as much as I can, and most moms of young ones are, and partners should/can understand that.

As for us, we have been in seperate beds throughout the pregnancy and the first 4 months of DS life. My husband recently moved from the sofa to our queen bed, and DS and I moved to a futon on the floor of his room - I felt safer on the floor and wanted DH to have a real bed after so long on the sofa. DH snores, and I am a light sleeper, and he doesn't sleep well with DS. Our other DS (3) is in his own bed, and DH gets up to hold his hand when he has a nightmare. It is working for all of us right now.


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## zannster (Aug 12, 2004)

It varies with us. We have a king size bed where DS and I sleep, and then there is a twin mattress next to ours as well as a twin mattress in another room. DH rotates. I think he may have been the one in the beginning who suggested he sleep in another bed because his movements woke me up all the time, and I was very crabby about it. LOL Then he started sleeping in the other room when he needed to get up early, so the alarm would be less likely to bother me. Sometimes he continues to sleep in there for quite a while, just out of habit, but lately he's been trying to sleep on the twin in our room.

It does seem a little odd to me sometimes, but I figure this phase will pass eventually. I have FMS and I'm just so tired all the time - I need every bit of sleep I can get. Plus DS still wakes me up during the night.


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## CaraNicole (Feb 28, 2007)

_count me in...but we did this before the baby came...me and dh are terrible to each other in our sleep!_


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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

mine sleeps on a seperate twin mattress that is pushed next to my queen. both are just on box springs and on the ground...that way he can be in bed with us, but not be disturbed by our tossing and turning. he does say he misses sleeping with me.


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## Ophelia (Feb 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zoesmummy* 
Yep - my dh has severe sleep apnea that he refuses to use his CPAP for (it's too uncomfortable he says) so he sleeps downstairs in his own room, and dd and I sleep upstairs in my room (she has her own room, but it's mostly for toys, guest overnighters, etc.)

CPAP's really are uncomfortable, I tried my DH's a couple times just to see what it was like. Even though the machine pushes air out, it feels like you are being suffocated plus it's a big mask on your face.

You should have your DH check into a dental piece insert that is custom made. They wear the insert and it is supposed to stop the snoring. I have asked my DH more than once to check into it but apparently he doesn't care enough to do it







even though he has complained that I don't sleep with him anymore. We have been sleeping in separate rooms since early in my pregnancy, and quite a bit before that too, because of his snoring. So DS and I sleep in another room.


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## stacyann_1 (May 25, 2004)

yup... same here, DH sleeps in the guest room. I sleep with DD and sometimes DS also. DH is an insomniac and snores a lot, so it's hard for both of us to sleep when he is in bed. My mother keeps saying, your husband is so understanding to not require you to sleep with him in bed.. I'm like 'at least he gets to sleep straight through the night if he chooses' I'm up nursing every couple of hours!!' though I do love waking up with my babies.


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## JenLiz (Sep 17, 2006)

yep...since i was 12 weeks pregnant -- my acupunturist told me to "move him out" so i could get a good nights sleep. Now since dd is in bed, he's still in the guest room so HE can get a good nights sleep ! LOL. Dd goes down around 7 or 8 and if she's not woken for a feeding by the time i'm ready to go to sleep, i'll sack out in the guest room too till she wakes. it works for us. DH misses me, I have someone to cuddle with, he doesn't. It takes a toll on him but we talk alot about it and work in the sex and cuddling when we can. My mom is worried about our marriage too, but i just laugh at her and say it just works better this way....GREAT TOPIC!!!! (btw, i just told dh that there's three pages of other DH's that are in a seperate room!! LOL).


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## balancedmama (Feb 16, 2007)

yup. my DH moved out when DD decided against the co-sleeper and then started getting kicky in the bed. I've got a bad back and couldn't deal w/ being wadded up in one corner of the bed w/ my bum hanging off just to accomodate a diagonally-sleeping 4 month old and my DH with all of his pillows. So, he moved to the guest room and has been there ever since. When guests visit, he moves to a little nest he's made w/ a futon in his office in our basement.

It's not ideal, we are thinking that we might transition DD to a twin mattess next to me, in a few months or so. Sometimes I think she doesn't sleep as restfully in my immediate vicinity and isn't getting enough hours of sleep. In that case DH could come back in the bed, maybe.


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## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

Well, DH sleeps in "our" bed and DD and I sleep in the guest bedroom. I honestly can't nurse her in the other bed (at least I couldn't when she was tiny - I probably could now although it's still not ideal) and I really love the guest bedroom mattress. I also love how the guest bedroom is decorated, it's just pretty and restful. The master bedroom is full of DH's crap - he has boxes and boxes of paperwork everywhere and his clothes are also a huge mess. I just don't like it in there much, so I don't know, maybe we'll have separate bedrooms for life? I'd move my stuff into the guest bedroom if I didn't think it would cause a big uproar, but I think DH might get really mad if I did that.

We all coslept with DS, but he was such a different baby. I still had trouble nursing him, but he was latched on ALL night long, so it didn't really matter where we slept, I was always sort of uncomfortable and definitely not getting restful sleep.


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

My DH sleeps with DD in one room and I sleep with DS in another. We would all be in the king size bed but it is too soft for the baby. Actually, DD has been transitioning (her choice) to her own bed in her own room. DH isn't ready for this, so he has been sleeping on the couch so he can get to DD quickly when she wakes up (usually around 4am). All this musical beds is causing us to bring our old queen out of storage and into the baby's room. So, DH, the baby and I will start the night in the baby's room and DD in her bed. When DD wakes, DH will go in with DD and NO ONE will be sleeping in the king sized bed that is upstairs in the master bedroom!!


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