# non-coercive parenting?



## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

OK, I have been non-punitive since the birth of, Ok well actually since the beginning, ds didn't need punishment, and when dd came along I read "Kids are Worth it" and then "The discipline book" and well, I kind of just fell into Gentle discipline. Lately though, I have been studying criminal justice, and one thing I read in Criminology stood out to me. It stated that children from authoritarian and non-coercive families show the lowest amount of deviance compared to other parenting philosophies such as permissive, autoritative, and those that use corporal punishment. So I am curious about non-coercive parenting. I always assumed that ncp=permissive, but my criminology book differentiated, so I must be missing something. Could someone who practices NCP explain the idea behind it?


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

I think NCP is similar to consensual living in a lot of ways. Here's a good site on NCP http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/. We use non-punitive gentle discipline and our family rules apply to everyone not just our child. But we're not completely consensual or non-coercive. There have been times when we have to do things even if our DD doesn't want to.

I was under the impression that the philosophy behind NCP is so new that the first children raised that way are only in their teens. If that's true how can we have enough data to make judgements on deviant behavior?


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## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

The study was done on juvenile delinquency. But, then again, it may be that they were just talking about parenting styles through questionairres at which point the study may have called it "non-coercive" as opposed to actually following the Non-coercive pareting "official" (can't think of a better way of putting it) philosophy. You know, maybe the parents followed what the creators of the study deemed as non-coercive, not what the philosophy that has taken the name states. Am I making sense? But that is what I am curious about. Because I always thought that authoritarian was counter non-coercive.


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## mariamadly (Jul 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Petie1104* 
Because I always thought that authoritarian was counter non-coercive.

That jumped out at me too . . . does the book (or study) specify how the terms are being used?


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## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

No, which frustrates me. Honestly, it was an introductory course, so they didn't go into detail about alot of things, this area just really jumped out at me. It was in the section discussing the effects of family and community on delinquency, so it was almost mentioned as a side note that they threw out there. Maybe I should just research and try to find the original study that they were discussing. Unfortunately, the class used an e-book that I don't think I have access to anymore as I completed the class earlier this month.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My guess is that "non-coercive" probably means "non-punitive but still sets limits" and "authoritative" probably means GD with gentle punishments, since corporal punishment is a separate category. NCP is new and pretty out-there, and most people haven't ever heard of it.


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## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

I think you may be right, they may have defined coercion as punishment.


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## bonamarq (Oct 18, 2006)

My guess, since this is a criminal justice book and not a parenting book, those terms are pretty broad and general - basically they probably meant authoritative (sets limits and clear boundaries) and non-coercive as partly non-punitive but also non-guilt tripping/ manipulation which is another way many of us were parented and coerced into doing things we otherwise would not have... I think consensual living type non-coercive parenting is pretty narrowly adopted to have made into that text book...but it does raise some interesting points huh?

In the most simplistic terms I think what what they mean is what Barbara Collorosso says about needing a back bone parent (firm yet flexible) and not a brick wall (coercive) or wet noodle (permissive) type of parent....


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

In child development theory and psychology, "authoritative parenting" is the ideal style of parenting.

In child development, there are four parenting types: authoritarian: demanding, punitive, non-responsive, authoritative: demanding but non-punitive, responsive, permissive: non-demanding, lenient, very responsive, and uninvolved: general neglect for discipline and expectations.

OP, are you sure it said authoritarian parents have fewer delinquent kids, bc it's always been my understanding that it's the opposite of that- that authoritative parents have the more well-adjusted children?


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## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

You're right, I always get those two confused. Authoritative is the lesser one. Sorry, it's just their so close in the way they sound that I get them confused all the time. Believe it or not, I missed that one on the test too, so see I still haven't learned.


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Petie1104* 
You're right, I always get those two confused. Authoritative is the lesser one. Sorry, it's just their so close in the way they sound that I get them confused all the time. Believe it or not, I missed that one on the test too, so see I still haven't learned.

lolol, that's okay! I keep them straight by pretending the "ive" is an "ish"- authoritate-ish, so "nice," and thinking of authoritarian like an authoritarian state- "mean"!


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## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

now where were you when I needed that!!! I could have aced the test.LOL


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## mom2happy (Sep 19, 2009)

ive, ian- yeah sound close, but different.

http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner...ingstyles.html


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## boheime (Oct 25, 2005)

Actually, consensual living/non-coercive parenting has been around for a while. Two of my favorite books are Dr. Haim Ginott's Between Parent and Child (written in the early 60s) and Dr. Thomas Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (written in the early 70s).


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