# I feel like I'm failing miserably as a parent, need support



## tammyw (Sep 21, 2003)

I am really and truly feeling like a failure as a parent right now. Here are the factors that are making me feel this way:

- have a 3.5 year old daughter and a one month old son. Parenting two kids is so incredibly hard - harder than I ever imagined. I am having a hard time figuring out how to constantly hold, nurse, diaper change, etc. for him at the same time as taking care of my daughter. She is used to having me 100% and her frustrations are really starting to show. She will often say "don't nurse the baby, wash my hands".

- having my DD try to get so involved with the baby that she often wakes him up, bonks his head, accidentally kick, etc. Like if I'm nursing him to sleep on the bed, then she HAS to get up and get in right beside him. It's frustrating because it's VERY hard to get him to sleep anyway, and this just adds extra frustration for me.

- having my DD hitting and kicking my husband and I and using words like "go away, I don't like you". We talk to her by saying things like "hands are not for hitting, hitting isn't friendly, hitting makes me feel unsafe, etc." We ask her why she is hitting or kicking. She will say stuff like "because she wanted the whole wheat cheddar bunnies rather than the regular ones, etc." Once we talk about this stuff, she will promise never to do those things again, only to do them again the next day.

- having my DD hitting and kicking with all her friends (they all seem to be doing this). All of my friend's childrens parent the way I do - GD, plans to homeschool, co-sleeping, etc. And I think we're all sort of scratching our heads with what to do (but I questioned about this in another post).

At the end of each day (and usually this starts early in the day), I feel so spent that I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. My back aches beyond belief. I'm starting to feel like I'm a horrible parent who just can summon enough energy to only read books to my DD. And it's so darn hot out these days (almost 100 all day long with crazy humidity) that getting outside with the kids feels unbearable, so I know she's not able to burn enough energy.

I don't know how people do it. I don't know how I WILL do it. I feel pretty much helpless these days.


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## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

It will get better. You will do it. We've all been there. You'll do it just like the rest of us-muddling through, learning as you go. Your 3.5 year old is doing things most 3.5 year olds do, it's a tough age. Her behaviors are developmentally normal. They are not the result of your parenting. You are not failing.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I agree with Sledg. I felt just like you did last summer. My son was born in May, my dd was 2.2, I had a plugged duct or mastitis every single week until he was five months old, and we moved to a tiny, rundown house with no yard or A/C in July. I honestly dreaded every day. It was such a struggle to get through. My poor husband suffered the brunt of my misery, but we survived. And now, looking back, it's kind of vague and fuzzy, just like childbirth. I only remember how miserable I was when I read my journal. I enjoy my kids so much now, they get along (mostly), and I also get enough rest (mostly).

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing great. I'd try to set up ways to have a break right now. Some of the things I did were go to the mall and let the toddler run in the AC, put on videos while I laid down with the baby, take my dd to McDonald's Playland, where it was at least cool, go to the library, and get my dd in the kiddie pool as much as possible.

Good luck! You'll make it!


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Tammy,

You are in a tough situation right now and you are doing the best that you can. You are NOT a failure. Your daughter is acting normally, being 3 1/2 with a new sibling, and you are having completely normal emotions (feeling overwhelmed, exasperated, tired, etc).

This too shall pass. It WILL get easier. In the meantime, come here and vent as much as you need to.


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

I did not want to read this without sending








It sounds to me you are doing great, showing lots of patience with your dd. I wish I could say the same about myself at the time when dd2 was a baby - she had reflux and cried constantly...
So my only suggestion is setting up up a fun activity for dd while you nurse ds to sleep like:
1) (since it is so hot) play with water at the sink
2) listen to a story on tape
3) hoover (sounds crazy, but in fact the hoover noise helped my dd2 go to sleep and kept my dd1 very busy, she still loves to hoover!!!)
4) dress up with costumes or with your clothes...
Also, you are so lucky to have friends with a similar take on discipline as you do.


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## BabyBumblebee (Mar 16, 2005)

You will get through this - you're not failing as a parent I promise. Right now everyone's trying to figure out what their new roles in the family are - and your dd's reactions sound as though they're totally in line with that; is it possible that she wants to be extremely close to her little brother because she sees that as a way of getting close to you too? Would she understand if you explained that you'd really like it if your ds could be allowed to sleep peacefully for a while so that you can spend some special time with her? Just a thought....


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## provocativa (Jan 17, 2005)

I could have written your post. I feel like I'm at war with my 3 year old, at least my 6 week old daughter loves to sleep, well, as much as any baby can with a toddler jumping on her. Chronic thrush and a husband who won't help at bedtime. . . . I would write more but I'm exhausted and brain dead, and only online for one adult moment. Sigh. . .


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