# introducing myself



## ktarsha (Jul 30, 2006)

So I'm finally getting around to posting here. I had a positive pregnancy test at the end of October, but when I went in for my first OB visit, the ultrasound showed nothing but an empty sac, and the doctor told me it was a blighted ovum. I was sad, but not exactly surprised; in my heart I'd felt for a little while that something might not be right.

My doctor left it up to me whether to miscarry on my body's time or to have a d&c; I chose the d&c, simply because I wanted to get on with things. I had it done Nov. 8, and afterward, I thought I was emotionally fine, other than some disappointment at not actually being pregnant. But now I'm wondering if I'm having some sort of depression or something. For at least two weeks, I haven't been able to get into gear to do much of anything (granted for several days last we were getting a stomach bug one by one, but that's gone and I'm still a blob). I seem to manage the laundry okay, but cleaning, cooking, needlework, exercising, letter-writing.... I feel so tired and lazy that most of the time I don't even try. I sit at the computer, slacking off, telling my poor son to wait, mama's busy, we'll read later, and even as I say it I hate myself for it.

I don't even really know how to grieve. What am I grieving for? Not a loss of life, there was nothing there. The loss of the idea of being pregnant?

And today I'm feeling extra low. I'm hoping it's PMS, that my cycle is returning to normal, but it's harder than ever to put effort into much of anything, and now my husband's asking me to think about the possibility of moving back to California. On a normal day, I could look at it rationally, weighing the pros and cons, but today the mere thought of leaving my family makes me want to cry.

Anyway, that's all. Thanks for reading; it feels good to get it off my chest.


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

Your body is going through the hormones of loosing a pregnancy so I'm sure some of your stress can be attributed to Post Partum hormonal - but it makes them no less real and important.

Take care of yourself Mama!


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

mama


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## baileyandmikey (Jan 4, 2005)

((((HUGS)))) you are grieving a loss... you have every right to grieve.


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## joanq (Oct 27, 2005)

Hugs to you. Talking about it helps!


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## lizzylou (Jul 11, 2006)

Don't worry about how to grieve - grieve however you need to. I also felt very unmotivated the first few weeks following m/c. Take care of yourself.


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## ktarsha (Jul 30, 2006)

Thanks for the support. My son woke up shortly after I posted, and when I walked into the room and saw his sweet face, I broke down and sobbed into his hair for a little while. It seemed to help a bit; I still felt sad, but not as much, and today is better.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

for me, crying helps.


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