# 4 Tips for Disciplining a Sensitive Child



## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

> I have two children, a four-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl. They have vastly different personalities, and I've had to tailor my parenting to address those differences. My son is energetic, independent and fearless, he is a picky eater, and even as a young baby, he didn't sleep a lot. My daughter is more reserved and cautious, she sleeps and eats well, and she's quieter.
> 
> The differences between them are most apparent when it comes to discipline.


Read the full article HERE

My two are the opposite, older is much more sensitive and prone to internalizing discipline as her being bad. Youngest is like a rubber bouncy ball, nothing gets to her.









What did you think of these tips? Since my older is 8, Time outs don't (and truthfully have never) worked. Redirection was my go to with her. And now, talking things out. 
Did you have any go-to things that worked?


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

I think it's crucial to recognize differences in children's personalities and take them into account in many areas of life, including discipline.

I was a sensitive child, and I'm grateful that my parents were pretty gentle with discipline. Typically they would make a mild comment like, "No shoes on the couch please," and I would scurry to obey because I wanted to please them. When I had done something that had progressed unobserved long enough to be a terrible offense (for instance, decided to dig up part of the front lawn without asking) they would say, "We're very disappointed in you." and I would just shrivel; I took it very very seriously and would feel guilty about it for years and do everything I could to repair the damage. Talking through the problem after they had calmed down, and being reassured that they understood I hadn't meant to do wrong, was helpful.

My son is not like that at all!! It's been hard for me to discipline him because he needs a level of firmness that doesn't come naturally to me, his disrespectful behavior hurts my feelings, and his tendency to argue incessantly about every little thing and his entitled attitude make me really angry because I feel punished for ever giving him anything since that apparently gives him the idea that he can have everything. :irked

But for both my son and me, it's helpful to hear stories of a parent's childhood experiences because of the feeling of empathy that you get from knowing your parent was once a child who didn't always understand everything and sometimes made mistakes and sometimes felt afraid of things adults don't. Stories of a time when you did something and then realized it was wrong and then suffered a consequence can be especially helpful. My son likes the one about how I had a sudden impulse to draw with a marker on the cork bulletin board in my Sunday school classroom without thinking it through (it would be highly visible; it wouldn't come off) and then I realized and felt so horrible like I was going to throw up or something and didn't know what to do, and then the teacher noticed and said, "Oh, Rebecca! You're usually one of the good ones!" and that made me feel a million times worse because I had let her down and now I wasn't a good one...but aside from my misery, no consequence was imposed...but all the rest of that year, even after the stain was hidden under a decoration, I knew it was there. We talk about the sinking feeling inside yourself, the bad feeling of disappointing someone, the ongoing guilt of something that can't be fixed. It helps us feel like we're on the same side instead of in opposition. (This is not something to do in the heat of the moment to change your kid's immediate behavior--do it at another time to build a foundation of empathy and moral reasoning.)

Another great way to talk about discipline issues and related feelings, and to learn more about your individual child, is to read aloud the "comic strips" from _How to Talk So Kids Will Listen_ and then discuss whether you agree with the book about what is "the right way" and "the wrong way" for the parent to handle the situation, what could have been done better, how this reminds you of some situation you've experienced.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Yes, taking them individually had been a challenge for sure. I wasn't quite prepared for how different they are. What took only a simple request for my older daughter is a refusal filled process for my younger...


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## udonandbroth (Feb 2, 2004)

I'm in the middle of reading this book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk,as well as working with a therapist and this has been revolutionary for our discipline issues. It's all about helping kids identify what they are feeling and connecting with that. Who knew? It works, though.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Yep. I'm rereading that for the 3rd time. :lol


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