# I feel like I failed a child yesterday but



## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

my 'mommy intuition" and Goddess gifts screamed if I said something that things would have been so much worse for the poor baby at home.
I was also in a lot of pain and tired and cranky and could not think at the time of what I thought of later.

A little girl came in the rr with tears and saying 'mama I don't want a spanking please don't spank me" and the mother said ' you should have thought of that before you had an accident." OMG because she had an accident. and it went on with things like " you are almost four years old/look at this mess/see what you did/ you are the ONLY three and half year old I know that isn't potty trained/ all the while this wee bairn pleading with her mother not to spank her and her telling her dd that she knew that when she had an accident that was what was going to happen."

I wish I had thought of what I did later and tried it but at the time the radar was going off that if someone tried to help she would get worse later at home ( I could see/feel the "how dare you embarrass me etc scenarios and who knows what -I have been that kid kwim)
I told dh I felt like I failed her even though there was another mother in there that moved toward the stall they were in as I was drying my hands...

Later I thought of having taken some wet towels and asking if I could help and striking up conversation about rough days/hard to be a mom etc but I didn't...

What do i do next time to not fail those that cannot help themselves?


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

unfortunately I too would have just stood there like this







.

There is not much else. and I think you were right with your instincts mama.









so sorry fo rthat little gilr


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

That just breaks my heart. Ach, my stomach is just aching. I would like to think I would have said something, in fact, I was going to say that I may even say something very snarky to make her think a little and run out before being seen...but, then I realized I probably would have stood there dumbfounded.


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## KermitMissesJim (Feb 12, 2004)

It's hard to know whether or not to say something. I confessed to a camp counselor (at age 9) that my mom was hitting us at home. She told MY MOM, who sweet-talked it and then whaled me when we got home. ANY TIME I told someone and Mom found out, I got it worse. If someone confronted her in public, I got it when we got home again.

That's the reason I freeze. I was NEVER grateful (as a child) to those who questioned my mother. Nothing ever changed and I just got bashed again.


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## mommyjones (Jan 10, 2005)

MYOB: It is possible that she wet her pants out of defiance. I have on occasion, spanked for this type of behavior.

Stay out of it.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Little red exclamation point,
Sitting in the corner,
How I love you!!!

Annette


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyjones*
MYOB: It is possible that she wet her pants out of defiance. I have on occasion, spanked for this type of behavior.

Stay out of it.

Are you being serious? I see you are new here. Are you aware that mothering does not condone spanking or any other violent ways of disciplining a child? Can you not find 101 other ways to discipline your child than hitting?







Unbelievable. Take it to a mainstream board.


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyjones*
MYOB: It is possible that she wet her pants out of defiance. I have on occasion, spanked for this type of behavior.

Stay out of it.

BYe BYE


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

Ahhhh, I see by your other posts...you are nothing more than a worthless troll. Are you having a boring day and need something to do?







See ya, wouldn't want to be ya!


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## malibusunny (Jul 29, 2003)

i never know what to do in these situations. i generally just do nothing, out of fear of making it worse... there are some times when it seems you just can't help. but the irony of calling it an accident but applying consequences...


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

Well, a different point of view: I also had a troubled mother and I would have been SO GRATEFUL had anyone spoken up to my mother.

In fact, anyone who might have would have been put on my secret list of "People To Whom I Can Go When I Run Away".

Not that I ever would have turned up there, but, you get my drift.


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## diane1969 (Dec 10, 2003)

something to the effect of "Oh she's definately not the only 3.5 year old not potty trained" then I probably would have said that my sister spanked her child when her DC had an accident and it made the child more stressed and they had MORE accidents, and then left.

But I can never hold my tongue.

This kind of stuff just scares the crap out of me. I see all around me so many different forms of neglect and physical and mental abuse of children, it seems so completely commonplace in this country. People just have no clue.


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

that might have worked. Like Kermit missesJim I was the one who got it worse at home.
I have a SN child thereby I can attest her dd isn't the only 3.5 not totally trained -it took a long time for ds.

the commonplace it seems strange doesn't it? one of my aunt's pottytrained by spanking and so did my neighbor and my cousin and neighbors kid have urinary stress related problems...go figure. Beating for a bodily function just don't understand it...

Chamarty heh heh just use the triangle....... the triangle is our friend


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## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

mommyjones your spanking advocacy posting is not welcome here. Good bye.


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## atomicmama (Aug 21, 2004)

I'm so sad for that little girl.


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## kchoffmann (Aug 16, 2004)

I have a good friend who talks to the kids when she sees abuse going on. I don't know if that could have worked in this situation, however, in a public bathroom. She usually says something like, "It is never okay for anyone to hit you, no matter what you did." She also carries around the parenting anonymous support group number and hands it out to people, saying, "It sounds like you might need some support."


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## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

I got it worse when I got home. I will never say anything if I see that in public. Sorry, but 9 times out of 10 its probably going to make things worse for the kid....


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## Mylie (Mar 15, 2004)

that some children who still have accidents at that age might have medical problems they are currently unaware of? My son is 15 now but he wet the bed until he was 11 years old...Everyone was always telling me he did it because he was being lazy and defiant..You know...all the crud they are so much more exsperienced in...Well I am ashamed to say I did spank him...But God help me when he turned 7 years old he had a bad year with UTI's....Well then he came down with a severe kidney infection...After 2 weeks in the hospital and a month of antibiotics and testing he was having reconstructive surgury to correct several birth defects of the uretha and his bladder and kidney...Almost undetectable unless you have the tests done...

The guilt is tremendous...But I will never again with any of my children try to force potty training..I am a preschool teacher to 2-5 year olds.I do alot of potty training and you better believe I let them(parents) know there could be reasons(medical or otherwise)as to why they aren't doing it...

I hope that poor little girl is okay....









I don't know what I would have done as it was a stranger in the stall spanking her child for that...I just don't know..


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

Mylie

the silver lining here is you are getting the message across to many many parents about it.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

wow, I agree saying anything would have made it worse. the only thing you could have done to help would have been to offer help and try to engage the mother (distract her from her child - never thought I would be saying that) and sort of play down the whole accident thing. tell her "your child had accidents well past three, and you know how frustrating it can be but what can you do . . . " (lie if you have to)

poor kid.


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## Trini girl (Feb 3, 2004)

ok, don't mean to change the subject here but...
last night at around 11pm, i was in bed reading when i heard noises from next door sounding like someone getting beat. i've heard them fighting before, it's usually just a man and a woman yelling...not this time.
the dad (or some male) was beating on this kid!!! (i've seen him around he looks to be about 4) i mean REALLY beating him! i was in my bedroom and i could hear the lashes and the screams. our master bathroom wall is their bedroom i think...anyway, i heard everything, so i started banging on the wall yelling at him to stop beating that kid. but all it did was make it worse...he told the kid, "see you woke up the neighbors with your bullsh*t"
needless to say, i felt horrible and couldn't sleep.


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## canadiangranola (Oct 1, 2004)

Trini,
I would have called the police. I have called the police before on my neighbod during a similar incident.


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

canadiangranola said:


> Trini,
> I would have called the police.QUOTE]
> 
> 
> ...


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

you HAVE to call the police. I don't care if it's a day later, CALL the police!!!

that friggin idiot i slucky he doesn't live near me! I would have gone right over there myself and dealt with him, and then took the boy home with me until the police got home.





















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: oooo these smilies are TOO nice!

ok, breath char


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

yeeah in a situation like that call the police. My mom was like that and I would have gladly taken a beating for 5 extra minutes if it meant her gettingbusted. It would have made my day to see the cops standing there. I hated it when people addressed her or even me directly. It was the worst. Because now I had humiliated her.







sojust call next time. if you were mistaken so what. I can garuntee you he isn't suddenly going to grow compassion just because some lady screems at him. he is just going toget madder that someone had the nerve to say somehting.

Sorry that happened. That is trumatic. My neighbors are bed but I htink they are just poor parents,not abusers. Lots of screaming at tired kids who are up wy to late. n ews flash, if you don't want to deal with tired and cranky kids try putting them to bed







sorry mini rant . . .


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## Trini girl (Feb 3, 2004)

yeah, i knew i should have but my husband kept saying stay out of it, my dad used to beat my sister and brother too, we called the police one time...did nothing. all he got was a simple warning,now my brother is messed up. hopefully he doesn't beat the kid again but if he does i will definitely call.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

I don't know if I would have said anything, and I'm often yelling at strangers.







:

Thankfully, my parents would never have spanked me for something like that (the one time Dad did I was repeatedly climbing the drawers so I could reach the butcher knives.... I "needed" them to make a cardboard house)

That poor little kid, I'm sorry you saw that, Momma.... I do think that it might have been worse for her if you had said something... God, what's wrong with people? Why would someone hit their child like that??! What a frightened little girl she must be. Maybe the parents support group cards would be a good idea??? Leave a card stuck to the mirror?

With the neighour thing, the cops would be called.

Trinitty.


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## malibusunny (Jul 29, 2003)

i've decided that from now on, i will always say or do something. since everyone in the mall feels free to have an opinion on what is covering my baby's feet, why should I stay out of it when something is serious? parenting is NOT a private affair, no matter how much we pretend it is.

and call the police re: beaten child. call them NOW. do not pass go. do not collect two hundred dollars. CALL.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

While I'm appalled at the spanking, it is possible that the child did it on purpose. Though I suppose the mom would have been saying something different to the child if she had.

I had a daycare girl that was mad at me. She's wet her pants (4 1/2 years old) and I directed her to the bathroom to change our of her wet clothes. She was trying to take her pants off over her shoes and couldn't get them off. I suggested she take her shoes off first (they were slip ons) and she started screaming at me. She said, you should have cleaned me up yourself so I wouldn't have gotten mad and peed on your floor...THEN she peed on the floor right before my eyes. Whenever her mother wouldn't let her have what she wanted at home, she'd go sit in her mom's favorite chair and pee in it, then look at her mom defiantly and say, "You should have given me what I wanted."

This child is in special classes in kindergarten right now getting special help with her "attitude"


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