# Things you never thought you'd say to your children



## Lissacamille (Oct 25, 2007)

Okay, I'll start:

1. Put that fire out!

2. Stop choking your sister.

3. Where did that highway sign come from?

4. No, you can't show off your penis right now.

Anybody else have any good ones?
Lissa


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## IndyNanny (Sep 20, 2007)

"Well, it depends on how much damage you do to the canoe and how many people you run over." (This was part of my response to my 15yo son after he asked me how much trouble he'd get into if he rode a canoe down the escalator at Dick's Sporting Goods.) I then reminded him that he'd also have to tell his Dad. my DS replied "Yeah, I think about that often."


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## lunabelly (Jan 4, 2007)

"I'm not going to hold you until you put your pants on."


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Please dont stick your finger there (when both kids noticed the cat had a butt)


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

My son was acting up about three years ago and I'd had just about enough of it. I finally got to the point where I told him I needed him to go to his room and I was going to mine and I wasn't gonna deal with anything else until his Daddy came home.


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## Mamato3wild ponnie (Jan 6, 2007)

To my teen: "Well you know what they say about men with big feet?"....ds has huge feet and he's a jokester..so he craked up when he heard the punch to that one. i never thought i would say that to him..however here lately we talk alot about diferent things.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

"Who pooped in your closet?"


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

"because I'm the mom"

















I was at the end of my rope :0


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## Shenjall (Sep 14, 2002)

"stop duct taping your brother to the wall"

"please stop playing with my pads" (to my then 13 yr old ds)


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
"Who pooped in your closet?"

laughup


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## Stinkerbell (Aug 11, 2005)

"In your world, I am god".

"Why is there maple syrup on the cat?"

"Who put the frog in the laundry?"

"DON'T lick the floor in McDonalds!!"

"I don't care what you are doing with the hammer and nails. Just don't wake us up before dawn"


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

"Should I show you how to put on eyeliner, son?"


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## yogabear (Mar 8, 2007)

"We don't eat walls."


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

OMG- I love this thread


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## yogabear (Mar 8, 2007)

Okay, I'm a flake and just realized this thread is in the preteen/teen section. I said, "We don't eat walls to my 2yo." Hopefully I won't have to say it again in 10 years.


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

No, you may NOT ride your bike off Esteban's roof into the pool!!!!!
laoxinat


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## Mamato2and2 (Apr 7, 2006)

This thread has me cracking up
















"Because I said so"

I'm sure there are lots more b/c my 14 year old is always saying "mom" gasp "I can't believe you just said that" I will try to remember them.

Keep 'em coming!


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## boadhagh (Sep 19, 2007)

baby nap-snacking
pain -- not being able to laugh out loud







:


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## Lissacamille (Oct 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Stinkerbell* 
"In your world, I am god".

"Why is there maple syrup on the cat?"

"Who put the frog in the laundry?"

"DON'T lick the floor in McDonalds!!"

"I don't care what you are doing with the hammer and nails. Just don't wake us up before dawn"









OMG, I'm dying with laughter! Those are great!


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

_"From now on can we please start all fires away from the cat!"_

We giggle a bit because the kids' stories often start with things like:

"So I was throwing pizza at...." or "So we were swordfighting with rakes..."

Or recently I asked Ds _"Can you see my boobs through this shirt?"_


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

_"Because I said so." I know, I know. That's a terrible thing to say but sometimes you just get tired.







:

"Those are mommy diapers, just like your diapers_." I was referring to my Kotex when my oldest son was 4 and found them.


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## imahappymama (Feb 17, 2007)

No, you can't say that your teacher is hot...that's like saying your best friend's sister is hot. Gross!

Pre-pubescent boys...







:


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## Roche (Oct 17, 2007)

Love this thread!


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

"Can you please show me how to use the backspace key when I am texting"

"please stop stealing my Victoria's Secret bras, if you want one, tell me and I'll get it for you"

"Can I borrow your MAC lip gloss"


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## lunabelly (Jan 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Roche* 
"If you want to set your alarm for 5am, fine, but YOU are responsible for turning it off."

AH! We have this conversation with dd all the time!


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## reneeisorym (Oct 24, 2007)

Things my mom said:

Why are you drinking the hummingbird food I just made?

Why is there a beer bottle in your closet?

The condoms are mine and daddy's. Put them back!


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

Just yesterday
NO you can not use the ceiling fan to make an amusement park swing ride.







:


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maya44* 
"Can you please show me how to use the backspace key when I am texting"

"Can I borrow your MAC lip gloss"

I have said very similar things!







LOL


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## DragonflyBlue (Oct 21, 2003)

No, you may not put peanut butter an jelly sandwiches in the VCR.

You may not use my kitchen aide mixer to make mud pies.

Do not pee in the sandbox.

You are a girl, you have to sit to pee.

Stay out of my lingerie. You may not borrow it to wear to the club's fetish night. It is mine.

Goodbye... at my daughter's grave....


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## reneeisorym (Oct 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DragonflyBlue* 
Goodbye... at my daughter's grave....

If your post hit me like a ton of bricks, I can't imagine how it hit you. That is truely something you never thought you would say.. .


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *reneeisorym* 
The condoms are mine and daddy's. Put them back!











Quote:


Originally Posted by *DragonflyBlue* 
Goodbye... at my daughter's grave....


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## tatangel19 (Sep 16, 2006)

Why did you just dump an industrial tin of baby powder on the stairs? (Answer I got) To make clouds Mommy!

Did'nt you know that you have to take the soup out of the can to heat it in the microwave?

No,
you may not dye your hair green for class picture day.

If you don't stop that right now I am going to tape you to the ceiling fan! (Answer I got) Really? That'd be awesome! Will the fan hold me? (Goddess save me from 12 yo boys...)


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## Lissacamille (Oct 25, 2007)

Could you please do your laundry? (Said week after week after week after week....you get the idea.)
Stop drinking Dad's beer.
Put that cigar out while you're in the house. (Said to my 18 y.o. son who thinks he's a man.)
Why is 2 a.m. too early to come home?!
Don't roll the cat down the stairs in that box.
Next time, use boxing gloves instead of fists.


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## Lissacamille (Oct 25, 2007)

I hope you grow up and have a daughter just like you.
(I actually said these words to my 17 y.o. daughter...I couldn't believe it!)


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lissacamille* 
I hope you grow up and have a daughter just like you.
(I actually said these words to my 17 y.o. daughter...I couldn't believe it!)

I still remember how ominous it sounded when my mother said that to me and how horrible it made me feel.

It turns out that my SON is much more like me (both the good and the bad) than my daughter, but I was so afraid of saying the same thing to her in a fit of uncontrollable rage that I made a point of saying it, in a different tone of voice and under completely different circumstances, when we were having a particularly fun time in the ball pit at an indoor playground. I'm pretty sure I suceeded in turning my mother's curse into my own blessing, because dd gave me a huge hug and said, "I love you too, Mommy!"


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

Oh what a cute thread!! Why must my mind draw a blank now?!?! Perhaps b/c of the 4 dc that currently rule my life...
Back when brain begins to function again!!


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## Shenjall (Sep 14, 2002)

"are you sure you dont want to stay home from school today?"

(we let our teens decide whether or not they feel up to go to school when they have colds)


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lissacamille* 
I hope you grow up and have a daughter just like you.
(I actually said these words to my 17 y.o. daughter...I couldn't believe it!)

My Mother said something similar to me, "I hope you have children who act just like you're acting." (I was a holy terror). Low and behold, my son is , lets just say, a very challenging child. Unfortunately, I've said the same thing to him once or twice. I hope I didn't jinx him!


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## granolalight (Nov 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1growingsprout* 
Just yesterday
NO you can not use the ceiling fan to make an amusement park swing ride.







:

OMG I totally let my daughter do this! She tied her 3 webkinz to the fan and turned it on high. They seemed to really like it.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *granolalight* 
OMG I totally let my daughter do this! She tied her 3 webkinz to the fan and turned it on high. They seemed to really like it.









I'm glad they didn't puke all over the carpet! I would have suggested turning the fan on low for starters.


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## happyfrog (Aug 12, 2004)

You're going to lose your balls for today if you don't stop throwing them (over the fence). ..

(said to my toddler boys - dh was driving up right as I was yelling that and he couldn't stop laughing. . .took me a minute to realize what was so funny. . .)


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

When my 10 yo decides to assualt my eardrums by doing pretending to be a bad opera singer: "You know, they used to castrate boys to preserve voices like that".


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happyfrog* 
You're going to lose your balls for today if you don't stop throwing them (over the fence). ..

(said to my toddler boys - dh was driving up right as I was yelling that and he couldn't stop laughing. . .took me a minute to realize what was so funny. . .)

I said almost the same thing to my son, about a year ago. The look of shock on his face, hearing his Mom talk about "his balls".








It too him a minute to figure out what I had meant, and me a minute to figure out what he'd thought I'd meant!


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## SJane01 (Feb 24, 2006)

to my 14yo DS last night at Halloween, dressed up like a woman: That skirt is way to revealing and when did you get that much cleavage.


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## Roche (Oct 17, 2007)

.......................................


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lissacamille* 
I hope you grow up and have a daughter just like you.
(I actually said these words to my 17 y.o. daughter...I couldn't believe it!)


Quote:


Originally Posted by *harleyhalfmoon* 
My Mother said something similar to me, "I hope you have children who act just like you're acting." (I was a holy terror). Low and behold, my son is , lets just say, a very challenging child. Unfortunately, I've said the same thing to him once or twice. I hope I didn't jinx him!

OMG never ever ever ever say this it is the worse thing ever







: my mom learned the hard way that she should of never said this to me. she never thought that i would grow up to be stuck to her like glue and live so close to her that i would see her everyday. i bug her saying that i bet she wishes she could go back in time and never say that to me







oh ya trust me my dd and my ds are just like me. bad, smart and creative all in one but bad dont even come close


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)

Son: Mommy look at my penis (son flexing penis)
Me: That's nice
Son: Mom this is cool, can I show sister!
Me: No you may not flex you penis for your sister
son: Why not?
Me: you penis is private
son: I really want to show her..
me: just put your penis away already!!

My son is 2 and dd is 9 and horrified by his admiration of his body parts!


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