# Entire class is pro-spanking



## Moonqueen (Nov 20, 2001)

I'm taking a sociology class called 'The Juvenile Delinquency System'. The instructor was using an example of a women and young child he'd seen at a restaurant that day. Apparently the boy was throwing a tantrum. The mother spoke calmly to the child and told him that he was misbehaving, that she didn't like this attitude...then returned to reading while he continued. He asked what we did. I explained that I try to use prevention as much as possible but that if I were in that position I wouldn't spank the child either, that I'd try to remain calm as well, that he's obviously wanting a reaction. I wouldn't, however let my child, continue to disturb the other restaurant patrons. I would remove him from the situation. Every other person said that they'd spank their child in general. Some said that they'd use the 3 strikes rule, that it depended on the graveness of the situation, that they were spanked and turned out ok...but everyone said that they would spank. Ugh.


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## momsgotmilk4two (Sep 24, 2002)

That's disheartening







Does everyone have kids though? Before I had kids, I might have said I would have spanked too. I didn't start really researching anything child related until I actually a child of my own. My mind has changed on a lot of things.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

How old is most of this class and do they have kids? I know my views have drastically changed from when I was a student to now... I remember rllingmy eyes at my physology teacher for saying he doesn't spank his daughter.. Time change you.

Deanna


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

Even when I used to belive spanking was sometimes OK. I never thought it would help an unhappy child feel better! DOH!







:
A tantrum is a communication or an expression of an emotion, not a behavioral problem.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *johub*
Even when I used to belive spanking was sometimes OK. I never thought it would help an unhappy child feel better! DOH!







:
A tantrum is a communication or an expression of an emotion, not a behavioral problem.

I'm sad to say my attitude was once.. I'm not intrested in him 'feeling better" its unacceptable behavior and needs to be punished







: WOW its amazing how my views have changed!

Deanna


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

And yet miraculously when they feel better they act better.
I actually do belive it is important to teach more appropriate methods of communicating and expression emotions. I do not respond well to tantrums and I do not encourage them.

But hitting them, oh yeah. Like that's gonna help.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

We were out to dinner the other night and I saw a very obviously angry woman dragging her daughter into the family bathroom while the girl (about 9?) was crying "no, I don't want a spanking" it was horrible. I didn't know what to do. I ahve had a stranger stand up for me as a child and I got it worse at home for "causing a scene" I didn't want to get the girl in any trouble.

Another time I saw a woman swatting her daughter (about 1) on the behind for standing up in the shopping cart (why she wasn't buckled in I have no idea) it seems that around here spanking is an acceptable way of discipline.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

My developmental psychology class was like that (thankfully my instructor was anti-spanking and seemd pretty into AP, he and his wife had both their children at a birth center, he promoted natural birth and breastfeeding, etc).

The most vocal pro-spanker was a mother and said "sometimes kids just need to get smacked!" :/


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Well, since it's a class I assume there is room for discussion.

I would actually volunteer to make a presentation on my point of view for this situation (of course, clear it with instructor first). Basis would be that I feel passionate about the subject and feel that the class will benefit from thoroughly examining the "unconventional" point of view.

Now, after I persuaded the instructor into giving me "stage time" I would prepare my "case"

Arguments in the crowd where you are a minority (or the ONLY one) usually are hard to win. I find it hard for me to simultaneously think on my feet, answer 20 questions that come at the same time, ignore the skepticism and irony from the "crowd", etc.,

I would start with a premise, something like: what is our goal as parents. Present a few choices for the answers:
1. Kid are to be "at bay" at all times. I am living my important adult life and I'll do anything it takes to control people around me so they'll behave to my liking
2. Kids are to be "at bay" at all times. The impressions my kids make on people/society around me are very important for they are a measurement of my worthiness as a parent and as a person
3. Kids are future contributors to society, so they are to conform to society standards from a young age.

Notice the above "answers" are NOT focused on a child. The focus is society, myself, "other people"

Now let's try to focus on a child. I would concentrate on delivering the message that many would "automatically agree on" but rarely "act on": The child is a person. Period. Not "a person in the making", not "a future person"

After that I would present some other goals for consideration:
1.My goal as a parent is to help my child learn about this world
2.My goal as parent is to teach my child important life skills such as confidence, ability to express/control/recognize his/her feelings and emotions
3.Errr&#8230; I drew blank now, LOL - but I am sure if I sat and thought about it I would come up with many more

I would prepare, print out and distribute anti-spanking articles, research, etc., to back up my presentation.

OK, I got on my soapbox and got nowhere, :LOL I guess that's exactly what happens when you are hard-pressed for immediate opinions.

But if you decide to take that route - let us know, OK?


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## tboroson (Nov 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sharlla*
We were out to dinner the other night and I saw a very obviously angry woman dragging her daughter into the family bathroom while the girl (about 9?) was crying "no, I don't want a spanking" it was horrible. I didn't know what to do. I ahve had a stranger stand up for me as a child and I got it worse at home for "causing a scene" I didn't want to get the girl in any trouble.

Another time I saw a woman swatting her daughter (about 1) on the behind for standing up in the shopping cart (why she wasn't buckled in I have no idea) it seems that around here spanking is an acceptable way of discipline.

Ok, just to play devil's advocate, the girl in your first example might have been saying that because she knew it would get a rise out of other people. I have a friend who's a fantastic Daddy. His daughter, who's a terribly sweet 11 year old, was angry at him for not buying her some candy once when she was four. She ran out of the store screaming, "This man is not my daddy!" It's not like he was threatening her in any way, or would have punished her for crying for the candy. She was just really really pissed at him and that was a statement that he told her she should use if she wanted people to rescue her.

And, in your second example, while I agree that she shouldn't have swatted the girl. But, as for why the girl was able to stand, those waist straps don't do a gosh darned thing to keep a child seated. Both my girls learned to stand up easily and quickly despite the straps being in place and tightened. And that was when the store had carts with functioning belts. Too many of them are broken or missing. I had to devise my own five point harness to take to stores with us to keep my girls seated in the cart.

Finally, I must say, my opinion on spanking changed drastically when I had kids of my own. Talia is 3 years, 6 months. If you'd presented me with that same scenario 3 years and 7 months ago, I probably would have been of the same opinion. I think that's a horrible problem with society, that it's deeply ingrained in people that kids can be brought into line so simply. I can't entirely blame people who've never had to make the choice of whether or not to spank for spouting the "party line". They've simply never had reason to think about that issue in depth. I only hope that when the time comes for them to have to make discipline decisions, they'll do the same research and give it the same thought that the rest of us did and come to the same conclusions.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

No, the girl was crying and the mother looked furious and was yanking her arm, there is no way that was staged.


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## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

my 2 1/2 year old who has never been spanked or treated roughly in any way has adopted a unpleasent habit of saying 'ow' whenever you try to move him or stop him doing something even when you know you are being incredibly gently and couldnt possibly have hurt him.

when i put him into the car seat the other day to get his brother from school he shouted 'ow' then looked at me and said 'no dont hurt me' i have absolutely no idea where he is getting this from - nobody (except his big brother when they are falling out on occasion) ever hurts him, i really hope people dont hear him say this stuff and get the wrong idea.


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## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

Side note --

My friend was in the grocery store once with her (then) 3yo son... he wasn't having a good day and started crying and such.

MUCH to her dismay, he suddenly cried out, "Don't beat me, Mama!!" in a desperate, imploring tone of voice.

She almost died. To this day, we can't figure out where he got that line from...

chinaKat


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## Moonqueen (Nov 20, 2001)

Over half the people in the class have children. I think that's part of what surprised me so much. A couple of them gave examples of times they 'had' to spank their children. I tried to get across that spanking is counter-productive and detrimental but I got the "what a hippie" vibe.
Irinam - that's a great idea. I wish I had confidence (I'm the worst public speaker ever - another reason I probably wasn't very convincing) and the time (not a spare second these days). Maybe if things get less insane I can at least research some sights and take in some print-outs. Thanks everyone.


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## mike (Sep 5, 2005)

spanking is a form of adversion therapy the thery is you dont repeat the offence because you dont want to expereace the adverse stimuli. This like all therys and beleafs have long lines of beleavers and people triing to disprove the thery in favor of there thery, and everyone has there statistics and facts to "prove" there side. You realy need to ask yourself is this fight the best use of my time. It may be and if you convence them it may all be worth it, but some people you just cant convence good luck in what you do. God bless.


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## Mamid (Nov 7, 2002)

"my 2 1/2 year old who has never been spanked or treated roughly in any way has adopted a unpleasent habit of saying 'ow' whenever you try to move him or stop him doing something even when you know you are being incredibly gently and couldnt possibly have hurt him. "

My DS is doing this too at 3. And anytime he does get a hurt, he has to go to the "hopital" and will carry on about that for a good hour even if it is just a tiny surface scratch.

We run the gamut of discipline with him. What works one day won't on another so we then switch to another form. Today, I'm trying the "good boys get candy and treats" discipline. One thing we've both noticed is the worse his behaviour the more he needs a nap.

Anyway, gotta go. DD is sick with a cold or flu or something so I'm keeping an ear for her and I think I just heard her.


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