# OMG, I just saw my first SuperNanny episode



## melissel (Jun 30, 2004)

The NAUGHTY CORNER? The kids are totally acting out to get their parents' attention. The parents are supposed to put them in the "naughty corner" as a punishment. Of course what ends up happening is that the kids inevitably take off running and the parents are supposed to chase them around the house and keep physically putting them back. Um, hello? What is that accomplishing, except that the kids are still getting the negative attention they were gunning for in the first place? Seriously, do people really do this? I'm completely floored and nauseous. These poor kids are so desperate for their parents' attention, and what they're getting is dropped on their butts to cry in a corner until they apologize to their parents. I am so sad for these kids, and for all the kids of the parents who are going to take this [email protected] as expert advice and implement it









The nanny did have some good insight for this family, but I am seriously horrified at this "solution" she gave them.


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## Mybabymommy (Mar 12, 2006)

I am troubled by it too, but than I am VERY troubled about the over all situation.

I started to really think about it, and seeing as they have One Week to remedy problems that started at birth (more than likely) maybe it's not so bad.

Sometimes, you need to take dramatic measures to get things settled and than you have some ground to start working from. kwim?

I watched an episode of Nanny 911 the other day, and the poor little baby (about 4 years old) was so deprived of his mother's touch, that he seemed almost feral (sp). The nanny needed to restrain him to keep him from hurting himself and than once she had him calm she was able to talk to him.

Mind you that family was one of the saddest I had ever seen. I hope that in retrospect, someone called CAS to monitor the mother.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I don't agree with a lot of stuff on those shows, but we watch them regularly. I guess part of it is I like seeing what other families are like, how they live, what kinds of homes they have. But for all the somewhat useless advice, there are some good things. That Nanny 911 episode with the mom who didn't touch her kids, and taunted them, and sent the girl to her room because she wanted a hug-- I'm glad the nanny stated very strongly on national TV that the mom's behavior was *not* okay. Who knows? Maybe there are other parents out there who needed to hear that, because not all of us grew up in nurturing or functional households. I liked how she told the mom and dad that the reason the kids were so disrespectful is because the parents were being disrespectful to them and teaching them that disrespect was okay. I felt so bad and hopeless about that family. They had a nice home but an awful sitatuation with the mom.

I'm not trying to totally defend the show but it does have some good points. They teach that yelling and spanking are not okay, and that is something that people need to hear.


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## turtlemama77 (Jul 29, 2005)

I actually like watching with my dh because it opens up the doors of conversation about discipline and how we want our family to be. I can slip in ideas that are more gentle, and we talk about how NOT to end up at a crisis point in the first place. It's really productive for us.


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## Boobs (Apr 17, 2004)

I stopped watching that show when she taught a mom her sleep solution. It was so upsetting to watch I had to turn it off. This baby was screaming and crying in his crib and the mom was supposed to sit in the floor and ignore him. It was heartwrenching.


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## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

I saw this episode. the mom was a peice of work. I was glad the nanny came into that home, but truthfully I don't think the mom cared a bit







not to mention it looked like they had serious marital problems not just lacking parenting skills. though I have to give kudos to that stepfather, what a guy!

eta-I guesss I didn't know there was another nany show.







the one I saw was Nanny 911.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

It's just a different culture's version of time outs. I hate using the word "naughty" though. When children are old enough to listen and have some self-control, I think time-outs can work, and are helpful if used properly and infrequently (ie. we have a time-out location in the kitchen which is a stool by the window). But the negative attention lavished on the kids on those nanny shows is ridiculous (I used to be a nanny for 4 1/2 years, and used time outs maybe a 1/2 dozen times during that entire time). With the frequency they're used on those shows, it's obvious the technique is not working, and certainly not teaching the kids anything useful.

- Krista


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## Clarinet (Nov 3, 2005)

I was always blase' about Supernanny and Nanny911 until about two weeks ago when Supernanny condoned this woman's grabbing the child by the arms and shaking her and then the nanny did it, too! I mean, she wasn't throwing the child around but the shaking was vigorous enough to get me thinking it could qualify as child abuse.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

I watch occasionally. I'm not a big fan of the nanny, but I do think most of her approaches are far better than what is going on in the homes before she arrives. The parents are clueless and the kids are miserable.

I like that she is a big advocate of each child getting some quality time with the parents, families having fun together, and also that hitting each other is not acceptable behavior.


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## birthjunkie27 (Jul 6, 2005)

I'll admit it. I watch both Nanny 911 and Supernanny every week. Although I must have missed the one where the Nanny condoned shaking a child.

Last night's episode was actually pretty mild compared to some of the other ones (as far as how the children were acting). I actually thought to myself that Nanny wasn't really needed at this house. I've seen episodes with toddlers swearing like a sailor, spitting in peoples' faces, hitting, kicking, smacking....once a 7 yr old girl went to pull a pot of BOILING water off the stove in a rage of anger. The kids last night were tame in comparison.

I can't stand the approach that they use for bedtime. Crying it out certainly isn't my style and my heart breaks for those kids. I love it when the mothers cave and go in to rescue their crying children (which isn't very often). Nanny inevitably rolls her eyes and thinks mom is a pushover.


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

I watched that too. I can't stand the idea of calling a kid naughty. His BEHAVIOR may have been unacceptable, but the child is NOT naughty! I still haven't decided how I feel about time-outs, but I certainly won't call a time-out area a naughty corner.


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## Tinas3muskateers (May 19, 2004)

I watched last nights episode. I do not watch every week but I do catch it now and then. What was that accomplishing? NOTHING. All those kids wanted was someone to pay attention to them. And the fact that she allowed that child to toss those books all over the place too me was mind blowing. My child wouldnt have been in the corner to start with but if he had the moment he threw that book he would have been moved from that situation and he would have picked up all the ones he threw. You make a mess you clean it up. Then when that little girl HIT her mother like that. At age 4 that just isnt ok. It was so sad how these kids were screaming for attention. So badly she had to strike her own mother. I also hate that word "naughty" <gag>


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

I saw that one last night. The whole naughty corner bothers me. They keep putting the child back again and again until they break their spirit enough so they sit there in a tearful daze and "apologize" at the end just to get out of their prison. It's horrible.


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

I had a hard time watching that show before I was pregnant but now I can't because it literally makes me uke everytime...


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

I only watch this very, very rarely, but I happened to see it last night (probably the 2nd or 3rd episode I've seen). I hate the whole "naughty corner" concept--I can understand a time-out space if it's time out NOT as a punishment (as in "Go to time out!"), but a place where the child can go if she needs to in order to help out work out her emotions and take a break from the situation.

But those forced "apologies" make me ill. The parents never *really* explain why they're upset with the child--it's always "I put you in the naughty corner because you were not listening/misbehaving" rather than, say, "I understand that you were frustrated that your brother took your crayons, but when you hit him it hurts and makes him feel bad. Do you remember when we talked about how bad you felt that time he hit you?" And the apology is just a coerced "get out of jail" card, rather than a real reflection of the child's feelings--at least that's how it looks to me.


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## Susan Kunkel (Jul 13, 2005)

While I do not use the term naughty.I do think that suppernanny has so good ideas. She encourages parents to play with their children. A shedule is used to give some order to the house.I know that my day runs better when we plan things.I also like the fact thaqt she gets the children involved in helping.She may not be the perfect solution but she is a vast improvement from the what the families where doing


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## ETW (Feb 18, 2005)

I saw Nanny 911 once when it first came out and have never watched again on moral grounds; while I am not a fan of her methods, that is not my primary objection to the show. I am horrified that these children's personal issues and very raw emotions are being televised as entertainment. It is just such a violation of these kids. I understand that the parents consent, but I think it is horribly wrong of them to do so and, though I know my personal boycott won't change anything, I can not tacitly support it by watching the show.


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## Bartock (Feb 2, 2006)

I'm so very glad that I am not the only one who hates these shows. I just don't think that kids should be rewarded with something for good behavior, kinda bribing them I think, yes praise them, but don't bribe them. I was thinking I was a bad parent because I did not parent like the Nanny's.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

All I can think about right now is the episode of _Drawn Together_ with a SuperNanny type character- she put all the superheroes in the "naughty chair" and then none of them were available (because they couldn't get off the chair) when she did her evil plan to take over the world.


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

I don't watch every week, but once I heard her call the "naughty spot" the "cool down area"


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## lovebug (Nov 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Boobs*
I stopped watching that show when she taught a mom her sleep solution. It was so upsetting to watch I had to turn it off. This baby was screaming and crying in his crib and the mom was supposed to sit in the floor and ignore him. It was heartwrenching.

oh isaw one like this.maybe even this one. it was so sad.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

You know, I've watched them both, and while I totally hate Supernanny, I sometimes enjoy Nanny 911, depending on which nanny it is. They are admittedly totally into the punishment/reward thing, but what I do like is that on Nanny 911 they spend a lot of time talking about feelings and WHy the kids are acting out. The issues causing the problems are addressed. There is emphasis on relationships and reconnecting. I never see that on Supernanny, and I honestly don't think she's even that good with kids.


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## azjen43 (Feb 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ETW*
I am horrified that these children's personal issues and very raw emotions are being televised as entertainment. It is just such a violation of these kids. I understand that the parents consent, but I think it is horribly wrong of them to do so and, though I know my personal boycott won't change anything, I can not tacitly support it by watching the show.

I wholeheartedly agree with you.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Somewhere around three thirty this morning when I was up with my (reflux) baby, I caught a few minutes of one of the Nanny shows. There was a "naughty" corner. While I'm not against having a little cool down - as in, "this situation is out of control, how about you and I both take a deep breath and then start over" it makes NO SENSE to me that she would advocate getting into a power struggle like this. Unless you are willing to physically hold a kid down, how exactly is this supposed to work? The kid in the show took all of about thirty seconds to figure out that calling it a "naughty corner" didn't mean it had some special powers to make her stay and THEN she started throwing everything she could grab. Using this particular technique seems to set up a power struggle.

I know sometimes you have to put your foot down about some things. Safety, for one. I get that. But (unless you sit on the kid and hold her down) you can't really MAKE a kid stay in a corner or say sorry and any kid knows it. It seems like it would just make an bad situation worse by adding in this whole battle of wills.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

One thing (among many) that bugs me about this show is that people forget that it's _entertainment_. They don't realise that the miraculous change in behavior is primarily brought about by the magic of editing.


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## snugg_bug (Nov 21, 2005)

I was about to post a "The Nanny" thread and did a search first and decided to post here. I've watched her a few times. I've also heard Dr. Phil, make some negative comments about "those nanny shows" as he put it. He said something like "putting kids in corners is bad for their self-esteem". My little guy is just 16 months, so I'm bracing for the terrible two's. Actually, he's great right now so I'm hoping I wont' get a surprise! What is the GD way of dealing with kids acting out? I believe that 99.9% of the time, a child is either frustrated, hungry, tired or any given number of things to be acting out. I would much rather see the cause than the behaviour. However, I am still curious to know what ppl do.


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## Joannarachel (Dec 10, 2005)

I'll admit it...I somewhat enjoy Supernanny. I don't agree with all her theories, but she seems to emphasize getting down and playing with your kids, paying positive attention to them, and teaches the parents how to communicate respectfully and effectively without going off into screaming fits.

I don't like the idea of a 'naughty corner', but I modified it for my own uses









When situations are becoming overwhelming for DS 18 months, I say to him, "I think you need a cool down time" and we go to a less distracted area of the house where I hold him and soothe him, and gently remind him of the way he needs to act. I don't think that's a bad thing at all...


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I don't know, I kind of like Supernanny. And I agree that the Naughty Corner is a different culture's interpretation of time out.

I think time out has its place. I wouldn't use it for my kid, but in some of those situations the kids are actually physically attacking the parents, biting, kicking, hitting, breaking glasses.

What would you do about that, other than something like a time out? Kids need to know they can't walk on their parents.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *melissel*
The NAUGHTY CORNER? The kids are totally acting out to get their parents' attention. The parents are supposed to put them in the "naughty corner" as a punishment.

I know someone who has Social Services (CPS) involved in their home. I'm the first to admit that she's not a great mom. She spends a lot of time either on the computer or talking on the phone and totally ignores her kids, then yells at them because they've trashed the house (big surprise) while being ignored. They get very little attention from their mom.

So...a "respite worker" comes into the house to help her schedule her day and find strategies to cope. And, the very first thing she comes up with is...the "naughty step". The 4-year-old (who used to be one of the easiest to discipline children I've EVER seen - all he wanted was to please) who is already feeling like he doesn't matter and his mom doesn't care gets banished to the "naughty step" when he misbehaves. Maybe, just maybe, actually interacting with the boy, and paying some attention to him would be more effective...and kinder???

Anyway...I don't really like time outs, either...but the "naughty" thing just makes me insane. We do cool down time with dd, but she gets to decide if she wants us there or not.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I'm always amazed at how horrible these kids can be. How in heavens name did they get that way?

You always see an improvement in the kids by the end of the show...but, it isn't the 'naughty corner" that does it. It's the Nanny, who fixed the stupid parents in the first place, and now the parents are actually paying attention to the kids!

The episode that bugged me most was the three year old who wouldn't eat what the family was eating. His diet was totally innapropriate. BUT, the nanny spent so much time trying to FORCE the child to eat the family's food, that even I wanted to gag. I say, slowly introduce the food, and let him eat when he is ready. At least the food they wanted him to try was reasonable....(vegies, hamburgers) but, they kept forcing him to eat.


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ETW*
while I am not a fan of her methods, that is not my primary objection to the show. I am horrified that these children's personal issues and very raw emotions are being televised as entertainment. It is just such a violation of these kids. I understand that the parents consent, but I think it is horribly wrong of them to do so and, though I know my personal boycott won't change anything, I can not tacitly support it by watching the show.

*applause*

exactly, thank you!


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:

I'm always amazed at how horrible these kids can be. How in heavens name did they get that way?
When you begin describing children as horrible, you automatically lose all hope of getting to the bottom of what needs aren't being met because you've set up an arbitrary situation by giving a very small child a very BIG label.

Supernanny doesn't *fix* anyone or anything. She systematically shames both the parents and the children for what she percieves to be *bad* behavior. She puts a definition to most of the behaviors that aren't accurate, age appropriate and that label both the parent and children as "broken." She then punishes them all into submission and the producers edit any possible moment of harmony which they save for the end to skew it as to make supernanny come out smelling like a rose.

I agree with the pp, sickest of all are people exploiting themselves and worse, their own children, without their consent, for entertainment value and a trip to disney world or whatever the supernanny *gifts* them with at the end.

Sick program.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I think I'm glad dh & I are almost completely tv-free at this point...


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial*
I'm always amazed at how horrible these kids can be. How in heavens name did they get that way?

I'm not trying to pick on you, but that's an awful thing to say about a child - any child!


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## snugg_bug (Nov 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Plummeting*
I'm not trying to pick on you, but that's an awful thing to say about a child - any child!

I think she was commenting on the childs behaviour and not the children themselves *there is a difference*


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## snugg_bug (Nov 21, 2005)

Jo Jo is an ex-marine is she not? That explains alot. She is quite militant at times. Most children that I have witnessed acting out are because their needs are not being met. If when I come home for work, and start supper right away or cleaning the house, DS will immediately go for something he knows he is not supposed to be doing...and it's because he knows he will get my attention. In which case I drop what I am doing and interact with him for awhile. I don't know what kind of mentality it is that drives ppl to want to put their lives on television for all too see, I've stopped watching Dr. Phil ages ago because he was starting to have a platform like that of Jerry Springer. Families bickering on stage! Well, that's another thread altogether!


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

I watched Supernanny once and it made me feel like the best parent in the world. I'm not even close to perfect, but damn those people made me look good!


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## Tinas3muskateers (May 19, 2004)

I sometimes will watch Supernanny when flipping channels and I must say I cant stand that word Naughty!!!

I also agree with some of the other posters when they said, how violating these shows can be, supernanny, nanny 911, wife swap, etc. These children are being thrusted into this display for our entertainment against their will. I think that is horrible on so many levels.

Too add my SIL uses the "Naughty corner" and makes my 2 year old nephew put his nose in the corner and he is not allowed to look at them.







poor little guy feels suchs shame I am sure. They have a second corner for spankings


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## ImoKit (Jan 20, 2006)

It had bad bits but as far as I can see the naughty corner is far better than spanking or yelling. The mental shame is still there in all 3 but the physical pain is missing in the naughty corner and the fact that it is so much effort for the parent means that eventually maybe they will start picking their battles. That is if they don't revert to old ways instantly.

My problem with it is that she undermines the parent in front of the kid. How can children respect their parents if they know the parents can't cope?


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## JeDeeLenae (Feb 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ImoKit*
It had bad bits but as far as I can see the naughty corner is far better than spanking or yelling. The mental shame is still there in all 3 but the physical pain is missing in the naughty corner and the fact that it is so much effort for the parent means that eventually maybe they will start picking their battles. That is if they don't revert to old ways instantly.

ITA

I'm honestly shocked at how negative everyone perceives this show. I always thought this was way better than the hitting and yelling that so many people have used before. I actually am happy to see someone saying that it's not ok to hit, yell, and fight with your kids. And, we all have to remember that most of these children came from a time of NO discipline. Sometimes to get something through to the children, you have to start out being a little harsher. I'm sure had they just pulled the kid aside and said "Your behavior is not ok," that kid would have hit, kicked, or spit in their face and walked away. Especially if you're starting this with a much older child.

Now, while I don't totally agree with everything she does, I think her solutions are much better than what the parents were doing ahead of time.


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## LIZnCHAD (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:

I'm honestly shocked at how negative everyone perceives this show. I always thought this was way better than the hitting and yelling that so many people have used before. I actually am happy to see someone saying that it's not ok to hit, yell, and fight with your kids. And, we all have to remember that most of these children came from a time of NO discipline. Sometimes to get something through to the children, you have to start out being a little harsher. I'm sure had they just pulled the kid aside and said "Your behavior is not ok," that kid would have hit, kicked, or spit in their face and walked away. Especially if you're starting this with a much older child.

Now, while I don't totally agree with everything she does, I think her solutions are much better than what the parents were doing ahead of time.








:

From someone who was raised by shaming, embarrasing, spanking, name calling, and verbal abuse (much of what these families are doing) Super Nanny and Nanny 911 are a godsend. I can't even begin to tell you how much I fight internally with how my parents raised my sister and I. I used to cry at night and wish that my dad was more like Danny Tanner off of Full House. If they had done half of what Super Nanny did I would have been thrilled.


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Slightly OT: SuperNanny is my kids' favorite show! DD (3) will ask to watch the "bad kid" show. All I have to do is sing the intro (the do-do-do-do's) and she'll yell "Super Nanny!". She also does her fake British accent and says "I'm on my way.". Am terrible...?









When DD is being pesky I'll jokingly ask her if I need to call SN...and then DD will go to her "naughty spot."


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## LolaK (Jan 8, 2006)

I agree with some of the people who pointed out that while we in the MDC community may be shocked by the nanny's tactics they are typically a HUGE improvement over the way the kids were being parented.

I have only watched the show a few times and I think that in most cases the parents have a terrible relationship with each other and a terrible relationship with their kids. I think the basic advice from the nanny is no shouting, no hitting, you have to understand your kids. Hey that is better than what was happening in the homes!

Of course the sleep training is awful but I would rather she is sleep training the kids and teaching the parent's not to yell and spank! I especially like that there is always an emphasis on getting a father involved with his kids.


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## alley cat (Mar 18, 2006)

I often wonder how these Nanny's and other shows with child pyschologists go on with their own kids when they come along. Afterall the Super Nanny doesn't have any children. It is easy to come in and make a few changes but it's different when it's 24 hours a day. I also wonder what these households look like in 6 - 12 months time.
I agree with what others said about it being a big improvement to the spankings that were common place in my childhood.


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## Terabith (Mar 10, 2006)

I don't watch religiously, but I did watch Supernanny pretty regularly for awhile. I actually really like her. She seems to genuinely like kids and has some good insights into families and techniques. I like that she emphasizes having fun as a family and the importance of rhythm/ routine. I don't like the whole CIO bedtime thing, although her version is less extreme than some I've heard of. And a lot of the families that they are dealing with are really incredibly extreme in behavior. I think in a lot of instances, the clear spelling out of rules and consequences makes everyone, including the kids, much much happier. It may not be GD, but it's a whole heck of a lot better than what was going on before she came! Nanny 911 I watched once and was so nauseated by the family with so many incredibly severe problems and yet the Nanny spent the whole week focusing on getting the preschoolers off their pacifiers. I was like, really, who cares? What's it hurting? Didn't seem to be overly bothering Mom or Dad either, esp in light of the violence the kids were engaging in towards each other and their parents, but Nanny seemed to think it was the obscene thing in the house. Sheesh.

And actually, I have implemented Supernanny's naughty seat technique with my 2.5 yr old.







: I don't use it very often, but there have been times when she very obviously really needed a clear cut consequence. It's worked very well for us. I wouldn't want that to be my only technique, and I do prefer to have an in general more GD lifestyle, but I do think at times that it is a helpful technique for the toolbox. (Like the jigsaw, not something I need very often, but nice to have when you do. Could I get along without one? Absolutely! But it does make certain jobs faster and easier.)


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

Terabith, Not sure how you are finding these old threads.







But, you will find that the "Naughty Chair" is frowned on strongly in these parts, just so you know. It is a hot topic if you want to discuss the pros and cons to the attachment relationship and the extrinsic motivation to change behavior. Fear and shaming are a great motivators, but are really damaging to trust and connection, imo.

Pat


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## Terabith (Mar 10, 2006)

Sorry, sorry! Not sure how these old threads popped up either; my computer has been wonky. Just saw the dates on em. Feel free to ignore!







:


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Boobs*
I stopped watching that show when she taught a mom her sleep solution. It was so upsetting to watch I had to turn it off. This baby was screaming and crying in his crib and the mom was supposed to sit in the floor and ignore him. It was heartwrenching.

Boobs, I think that I saw this episode too... Did the Mum look slightly similiar to Julia Roberts? I think that this is the one. If it is the same episode, I was actually impressed at how the situation was dealt with. I felt an enormous amount of compassion for the Mother, because it was quite obvious that this was a woman who really was at the end of her tether, she was physically and emotionally exhausted because of hours and hours every night of trying to get the little boy to settle. Now, I know that it seemed very harsh that the little boy was screaming and crying to come out of his crib and she sat on the floor in his bedroom until he settled. And yes, when he finally realised that screaming wasn't going to result in Mum taking him out of the crib, he lay down and went to sleep. I don't think that it was about punishing the little boy, but about taking what seemed drastic measures so that a nightly routine could be established for the sake of the overall family happiness.

Had this not been done and the nightly routine established, it's quite possibly the Mother could have reached a complete breakdown point because of physical and mental exhaustion. If she reached that point, then both her children in the long term would have suffered. Yes, I found it unpleasant to watch the little boy being upset, but as it happened, the plan worked and the little boy developed the ability to settle at night and go to sleep without any problems. I really did feel for the Mum in this episode and I wanted to give her a big hug.

I have to admit, I really dislike the idea of the naughty corner/mat. I think that they are alienating and humiliating for the child involved.


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2Sweeties1Angel*
I watched Supernanny once and it made me feel like the best parent in the world. I'm not even close to perfect, but damn those people made me look good!

Bless ya


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## ericswifey27 (Feb 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Terabith*
I don't watch religiously, but I did watch Supernanny pretty regularly for awhile. I actually really like her. She seems to genuinely like kids and has some good insights into families and techniques. I like that she emphasizes having fun as a family and the importance of rhythm/ routine. I don't like the whole CIO bedtime thing, although her version is less extreme than some I've heard of. And a lot of the families that they are dealing with are really incredibly extreme in behavior. I think in a lot of instances, the clear spelling out of rules and consequences makes everyone, including the kids, much much happier. It may not be GD, but it's a whole heck of a lot better than what was going on before she came!











I am always hoping they'll do a gd version. If they do, sign me up because I have a feisty toddler over here.


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## Tinas3muskateers (May 19, 2004)

I personally think its a violation of the kids rights. Those shows make me ill. Mommy swap, any of the nanny shows. One time I watched it this little girl cried and cried that she didnt want the nanny at her house. I felt so bad for her.


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## m9m9m9 (Jun 13, 2005)

I agree with the PPs in that what normally was passing for discipline in the homes is really bad and the Nanny techniques are a big step up. Nothing makes me cringe more when one of the parents yells vaguely "if you do that again, I am going to give you a spanking".

I have never seen a show where they did CIO for a very young child so I must have missed those episodes. I have seen where they hel parents get school age kids to sleep and I don't see a problem with it. One of them follows the plan that after 3 times of coming out of the room and then gently leading them back to bed and telling them its time to sleep that each subsequent time you simply lead them back to bed. As long as the parent doesn't get angry doing this, I think it gives the child the option of going to check if mom/dad are still there and available to them as often as they need to before they go to bed.

Maggie


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:

Now, I know that it seemed very harsh that the little boy was screaming and crying to come out of his crib and she sat on the floor in his bedroom until he settled. And yes, when he finally realised that screaming wasn't going to result in Mum taking him out of the crib, he lay down and went to sleep.

This is considered crying it out to many people who practice gentle discipline and CIO is not advocated on MDC. At least I _thought_ it wasn't.


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## member (Apr 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thismama*
I don't know, I kind of like Supernanny.

I watch her because I think she's kind of sexy.


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## Jaydens_mom (Aug 12, 2006)

There are 2 different nanny shows... one has 3-4 different nannys that they alternate depending on the family and the situation (choose what they believe is the best one for the family out of the 3-4). The other one has only 1 nanny...

I don't really get to watch these shows much because i don't have certian channels on my digital cable... however i do enjoy watching them when I can.

I was raised in a "spanking" family... My dad always used the belt / hand ( which ever was accessable ) on my brother and I... so watching these shows has shown me alternative methods to disciplining my son..

We don't have a NAUGHTY CORNER in my house... but i do agree with the no hitting/ yelling/ etc policy that they stress.

I like how they get the parents to use the words " I don't like it when... " "it hurts mommy/daddy when...."

instead of : "DONT DO THAT!" "GO AWAY!" and etc...


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## Jaydens_mom (Aug 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tinas3muskateers*
I personally think its a violation of the kids rights. Those shows make me ill. Mommy swap, any of the nanny shows. One time I watched it this little girl cried and cried that she didnt want the nanny at her house. I felt so bad for her.

She was crying and crying because the nanny was finally enforcing rules of the house which should have been written for that family a long time ago.

Children don't like being told they can't do something when they are used to getting away with it


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## Wugmama (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:

Children don't like being told they can't do something
NOBODY likes being told they cannot do what they want to do. Many people would not like strangers with cameras to converge on them in their own home, either.

~Tracy


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## Jaydens_mom (Aug 12, 2006)

i can understand the cameras and people other than the nanny being an issue.. but at the end, the kids are all happy anyways and the family is in a better state.


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *captain crunchy*
This is considered crying it out to many people who practice gentle discipline and CIO is not advocated on MDC. At least I _thought_ it wasn't.

I never said anywhere in my post that I was an advocate of CIO... I was merely describing what had occured within that episode.


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaydens_mom*
i can understand the cameras and people other than the nanny being an issue.. but at the end, the kids are all happy anyways and the family is in a better state.

How do we know? Because it shows so on TV?

I personally don't believe that a day-long or a week-long intervention can all of a sudden make kids "all happy"...

May be they are happy because it's finally over?


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## mom2x (Apr 5, 2004)

the kids have to say sorry like they mean it in order to get out of the naughty chair. it seems like a lesson in emotion repression and how to b s your parents. that forced apology annoys me more than the naughty chair, i think.


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## Jaydens_mom (Aug 12, 2006)

Yeahhhhh.. i don't really agree with the naughty spot/chair thing... HOWEVER...
when your ds or dd pushes another child, or hurts them... do you not think its right that they say sorry?
I know i tell my son to say sorry and let him know that he hurt that little boy or girl, even if it was an accident..
sometimes it nice to hear "sorry" even if its not fully backed up with emotion


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

Children don't like being told they can't do something when they are used to getting away with it
This, to me, sounds like you don't believe that children are innately "good." "Getting away with" something sounds an awful lot like you're viewing the children as conspirators?

Quote:

sometimes it nice to hear "sorry" even if its not fully backed up with emotion
I completely disagree. I'd rather hear nothing than an insincere apology.

Quote:

do you not think its right that they say sorry?
"Right?" by whose standards? To me, it feels right to check if the person is okay--and if the person who did the harm is really feeling remorse, then s/he will most likely say they're sorry or similar. If they don't, well, it's better than a child being forced to to save face for the parents or b/c someone is telling them to. Doesn't feel right to me. YMMV


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaydens_mom*
but at the end, the kids are all happy anyways and the family is in a better state.

Ah, the magic of editing.


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## Jaydens_mom (Aug 12, 2006)

getting away with something means the child is doing something they SHOULDN'T be doing and the parent is allowing them to do it anyways because they don't care to discipline them, or they feel the child should do whatever it wants.

Are you telling me that you don't teach your children how to say sorry? That is what im getting out of it.

My son is TAUGHT that when he hurts someone accidentally or purposely, it is NOT ok to walk away and pretend nothing happened. EXSPECIALLY if that child is crying or actually really hurt.

If that child hit my son first and he acted in self defense and hit him back then no i am not going to ask my son to appologize.

However he needs to realize it is not ok to knock someone over and walk away.

Tending to the person to see if they are ok is showing remorse for your actions, otherwise you wouldn't care if they are ok. So it is being sorry for what you did, so yes, i expect him to say "im sorry" to that child and let him know that he feels bad about it..


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaydens_mom*
getting away with something means the child is doing something they SHOULDN'T be doing and the parent is allowing them to do it anyways because they don't care to discipline them, or they feel the child should do whatever it wants.

Yes, sometimes kids do what WE (adults) think they should not be doing. They (kids) think they should be doing it, otherwise, why would they do it? (sorry for







: sentence)

I try to figure out WHY they think they should be doing it and present my POV. Most of the times they (kids) decide that indeed it was not a good idea. Sometimes not. How can I "discipline" them into believing something they don't?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaydens_mom*
Are you telling me that you don't teach your children how to say sorry? That is what im getting out of it.

The way I teach my kids is by modeling saying "sorry" in the situations that warrant it. "Making" them say it does not teach them anything.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaydens_mom*
My son is TAUGHT that when he hurts someone accidentally or purposely, it is NOT ok to walk away and pretend nothing happened. EXSPECIALLY if that child is crying or actually really hurt.

Absolutely. I believe we are discussing the methods of teaching here, not the absence/presence of teaching


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## Jaydens_mom (Aug 12, 2006)

i dont grab him and say "SAY SORRY!" ... instead i let him see the little boy/girl crying and tell him that he HURT the little boy / girl and tell him the word sorry, he doesnt say it all the time, but sometimes he gets it.

I don't make him stand there until he says sorry, if he takes off on me i end up appologizing to the parent myself.


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

You know, I have seen you refer to children as "it" more than once jaydens_mom... Being a believer that words and how we use them are very important, I wonder if that doesn't convey an underlying view of children in general. Not that you feel children are *its* per se, but that you see them as lesser in some way and don't deserve to be afforded the same rights as adults with regard to personal autonomy.

Anyway, no, I will never make my daughter apologize. With everything else, we model, model, model how we like to be treated. As I see her little imagination emerging, I see this kind of play acted out already in her people and animals (toys)... she will knock one of them over, make some sympathetic sounds and another animal/person helps the *victim* up and gives hugs. We have never forced this or told her what to do....

We model how we like to be treated and treat her how we feel *most* humans like to be treated --- with respect, dignity, and equality.

When someone is hurt, even at the hands of my daughter (taking a toy from a child who then cries for example) -- my husband or myself model behavior we feel is appropriate... we go to the *victim* make sure they are okay, apologize, see if they need anything (a hug, the toy back, etc) then we provide our daughter with information in a non-punitive, observational way --- "Johnny seemed upset when you took his toy, did you see him crying? Johnny didn't like it when you took his toy." Then offer possible solutions with no pressure --- "would you like to play with this toy instead?" --- or if our daughter seems to be seeking a connection with the other child, we encourage that too, but never, ever tell her to give him/her a hug or *say sorry* or whatever.


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## Jaydens_mom (Aug 12, 2006)

I believe i used *it* when refering to a child, once in my posts in this thread...

"getting away with something means the child is doing something they SHOULDN'T be doing and the parent is allowing them to do it anyways because they don't care to discipline them, or they feel the child should do whatever *it* wants"

I used IT because to me it doesnt sound gramatically correct to say "or they feel the child should do whatever the child wants"
NOT because I don't see children as HUMAN BEINGS.

If i didn't see my son as a human being he would be sleeping on the floor and eating from a bowl on the floor like my cat.
BUT I DON'T SEE HIM THAT WAY.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I saw a mama tell her ds who had accidentally hit his friend with a toy "She's hurt because you accidentally hit her, what do you think might make her feel better, do you think saying "sorry" would help?" To which he sort of mumbled something that probably was sorry and she turned to the girl (girl's mama was comforting her) and said "ds says sorry".


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JeDeeLenae*
ITA

I'm honestly shocked at how negative everyone perceives this show. I always thought this was way better than the hitting and yelling that so many people have used before. I actually am happy to see someone saying that it's not ok to hit, yell, and fight with your kids. And, we all have to remember that most of these children came from a time of NO discipline. Sometimes to get something through to the children, you have to start out being a little harsher. I'm sure had they just pulled the kid aside and said "Your behavior is not ok," that kid would have hit, kicked, or spit in their face and walked away. Especially if you're starting this with a much older child.

Now, while I don't totally agree with everything she does, I think her solutions are much better than what the parents were doing ahead of time.


There's no question that "the naughty corner" is a far preferable alternative to screaming and physical abuse, to be sure. However, to use an analogy here, it's like an 800-pound person who's lost half her body weight through persistent diet and exercise: she is to be commended, absolutely, for losing the weight she has and for making the improvements she has...however, there is also no question that at 400 pounds, _she is still unhealthy_ and has a long way to go. Similarly, though the "naughty corner" is better than hitting, there's definitely room for improvement.


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Charles Baudelaire*
There's no question that "the naughty corner" is a far preferable alternative to screaming and physical abuse, to be sure. However, to use an analogy here, it's like an 800-pound person who's lost half her body weight through persistent diet and exercise: she is to be commended, absolutely, for losing the weight she has and for making the improvements she has...however, there is also no question that at 400 pounds, _she is still unhealthy_ and has a long way to go. Similarly, though the "naughty corner" is better than hitting, there's definitely room for improvement.

well said


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## PatchyMama (Dec 6, 2002)

we don't force apologies in our house either. We model them. The same is true for my DDs preschool and I am so thankful for that. I will often say to my girls "oh I am so sorry that ____ hurt you" however I will not force any of my children to say sorry when they don't mean it. They learn it through seeing it and I can safely say that 5 year old knows when to say sorry and she always means it


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## HappyToBe (Jul 31, 2006)

Fessing up, I watch it sometimes w/my kids. We discuss what's happening and why we think the kids & parents are acting like that. THey're actually kind of amused by it although we talk about how sad they must feel "inside."

Newest one I've seen referenced is the "naughty beanbag."


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

we don't force apologies in our house either. We model them.
We strive to do the same.

IMO, I like to think of children as _learners_ rather than parents as _teachers_, if that makes sense


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## Terabith (Mar 10, 2006)

Yeah, I don't like the forced apologies. I have used the naughty seat/ time out thing at times, but I don't *like* the forced apologies. It seems wrong to me. That said, I have at times told my 2.5 yr old to apologize to her sister; it seems like a good thing to learn the habit of apologizing for wrongs. But certainly not in place of teaching her the consequences...."Look, Catherine is crying. She's sad and frustrated because you took her toy. You don't like it when she takes your toys. It makes you sad, just like you made Catherine sad by taking her toy. How about you go tell her you're sorry. Sometimes saying you're sorry can make people feel better." I worry that that isn't the right thing to do either....but I know societally that people will like my dd better if she apologizes for wrongs, just like they will like her better if she says please and thank you. And while I don't want to do something just because society expects it, I do want people to like my dd, because it will make her life easier. While I try to inculcate the value of gratitude, I'm also trying to teach the *habit* of saying thank you, even if there is not overwhelming gratitude at the moment. I dunno if it's the right thing to do. What do you guys think?

I also agree that it's demeaning for the poor families to have their issues on display for entertainment. I think it's wrong that the only way these families who so desperately need help can get it is by selling their souls and making voyeurs of us all. I wish there was a sorta free, open to the public, GD Supernanny who would come, where it wasn't televised or anything. Like a public service. I'd get excited about that!


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## ericswifey27 (Feb 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Terabith*
Yeah, I don't like the forced apologies. I have used the naughty seat/ time out thing at times, but I don't *like* the forced apologies. It seems wrong to me. That said, I have at times told my 2.5 yr old to apologize to her sister; it seems like a good thing to learn the habit of apologizing for wrongs. But certainly not in place of teaching her the consequences...."Look, Catherine is crying. She's sad and frustrated because you took her toy. You don't like it when she takes your toys. It makes you sad, just like you made Catherine sad by taking her toy. How about you go tell her you're sorry. Sometimes saying you're sorry can make people feel better." I worry that that isn't the right thing to do either....but I know societally that people will like my dd better if she apologizes for wrongs, just like they will like her better if she says please and thank you. And while I don't want to do something just because society expects it, I do want people to like my dd, because it will make her life easier. While I try to inculcate the value of gratitude, I'm also trying to teach the *habit* of saying thank you, even if there is not overwhelming gratitude at the moment. I dunno if it's the right thing to do. What do you guys think?

I also agree that it's demeaning for the poor families to have their issues on display for entertainment. I think it's wrong that the only way these families who so desperately need help can get it is by selling their souls and making voyeurs of us all. I wish there was a sorta free, open to the public, GD Supernanny who would come, where it wasn't televised or anything. Like a public service. I'd get excited about that!


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

To Whom It May Concern,

Here are 300+ opinions (in one thread) about modelling, teaching and imposing "manners": http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=manners

Pat


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## DaisyQDuck (Mar 19, 2005)

I saw one of these shows for the first time yesterday. First it scared me to death that I would somehow end up with a child that hit, kicked, spit, etc. What drove me batty was that the nanny kept talking about treating the children with respect but all the while was belittling the mom and her parenting. Statements like "this is all your fault" and "you brought this upon yourself" might be partly true but not very respectful. I felt bad for her because she got very defensive. I would have just cried...


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## IAMINSANE (Aug 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *melissel*
The NAUGHTY CORNER? The kids are totally acting out to get their parents' attention. The parents are supposed to put them in the "naughty corner" as a punishment. Of course what ends up happening is that the kids inevitably take off running and the parents are supposed to chase them around the house and keep physically putting them back. Um, hello? What is that accomplishing, except that the kids are still getting the negative attention they were gunning for in the first place? Seriously, do people really do this? I'm completely floored and nauseous. These poor kids are so desperate for their parents' attention, and what they're getting is dropped on their butts to cry in a corner until they apologize to their parents. I am so sad for these kids, and for all the kids of the parents who are going to take this [email protected] as expert advice and implement it









The nanny did have some good insight for this family, but I am seriously horrified at this "solution" she gave them.

What do you do then? Just let kids get away with unacceptable behavior? I am at a loss I put my son in the corner and tell him to think about it. If he has hit or been loud and woke up his sister or just completely ignored what I have asked him to do.


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IAMINSANE*
What do you do then? Just let kids get away with unacceptable behavior? I am at a loss I put my son in the corner and tell him to think about it. If he has hit or been loud and woke up his sister or just completely ignored what I have asked him to do.

How you handle a situation depends on the situation, so that question is much, much too vague. However, I can tell you for certain that your son isn't learning anything by sitting in the corner, and it sounds like sometimes you're punishing him for no reason. You said you make him sit in the corner for being loud. ALL children are loud sometimes. That is no reason to ever force a child to sit in a corner and "think about it".

If your son has ignored what you asked him to do, then perhaps you haven't asked in a way that makes him want to listen. Are you really _asking_ him or are you _telling_ him? There is a big difference between saying, "Johnny, go pick up your toys!" and saying, "Johnny, would you like to pick your toys up right now or do you want me to help you pick them up when you're done putting that puzzle together?" If you're doing the first, then you aren't asking him - you're issuing commands. No one likes to be ordered around and no one responds well to it, either. Give options. Let him decide when and how he wants to do something or if he needs your help doing it. If you ask him to do something and he doesn't do it, so you send him to the corner, he STILL won't be doing what you wanted, because he's sitting in the corner. Furthermore, rather than learning anything useful, he'll be spending his time thinking about how angry he is at you for sending him to the corner. If, instead of issuing orders and then punishing him for not following them, you get down on his level and give him some choices, he might actually learn a little about cooperating and negotiating, which are much more valuable life skills than following orders.

I hope you stick around and read a lot in this forum. If you have specific discipline questions, ask them. Each problem has a different list of possible solutions, but sending a child away to "think about it" all on his own, generally doesn't work. It makes him feel angry and unloved, which isn't the message you want your child to get.


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## bamamom (Dec 9, 2004)

i've seen quite a few episodes of supernanny, and one stands out in particular.

It was a family of 7 kids....the dad was military, and the mom was out of control. there was also a 2 yr old little girl(riley?) who cussed like a sailor, and had a binky.

Anybody remember that one? The dad was about to be deployed to Iraq.

Something really struck me....when you would go back and watch the episode, the mom seemed to have a lack of care. The house was a wreck, the kids were out of control, the kids screamed at each other, at her, she screamed at the kids...

when Jo went back and played that footage for her, she just sat there. That mom KNEW those cameras were rolling, and she stilll didnt get up off her butt and do much.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

PPD anyone?? I found myself REAlly sad that no one caught the fact that this mom might be suffering from PPD in a bad kind of way...her lethargy, her lack of emotion...its like she didnt even *want* her kids.

I was wishing that Jo would have said " Let;'s find you some counseling".

that poor mom had just given up it seemed.

anybody remember that episode?


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## sleepnrain (May 20, 2006)

Did anyone see Nanny 911 tonight (8/20)?

The main "issue" with this family was that the 2 boys (not sure how old, 4-6ish probably) were "far too old to be sleeping in mummy and daddy's bed" and that they'll "never be independent." She even said "how long will they be sleeping with mum and dad, till they're in college?"

Sorry if this episode has been discussed before, but it really jumped out at me as worse than most others I've seen!


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bamamom*
there was also a 2 yr old little girl(riley?) who cussed like a sailor, and had a binky.

Hey, my two-year-old cusses like a sailor sometimes, too. I couldn't care less, because I don't think it says anything about her as a child or me as a parent. She's a sweet kid and she's very smart - she knows exactly the right context in which to use the words she's heard Mommy and Daddy say.







Words are only words. I'm an intelligent, educated woman, but I cuss sometimes - maybe when I stub my toe or when I drop and break something. DD hears that, and I'm not going to give her some speech about how "Mommy shouldn't have said that word" or something, because I don't believe it's true. IMO, "damn it" and "golly" are equally benign, so in our house, we focus on the _way_ we talk to _other_ people - our tone of voice - not the words we say when we're frustrated. (Well, unless those words are directed _at_ someone, in which case it's just as bad to call someone "stupid" as it is to call them "f'ing stupid" - it's about respect, not words.)


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## Justine (Jun 10, 2005)

We now have a 'Supernanny Magazine' in the UK................shudder......................... .......


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Plummeting*
IMO, "damn it" and "golly" are equally benign, so in our house, we focus on the _way_ we talk to _other_ people - our tone of voice - not the words we say when we're frustrated.









I agree.


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