# Funny/jaw-dropping comments about homebirth (etc.)



## smeep (May 12, 2006)

I know the ignorance of the general community in regards to homebirth, UCing, natural birth, etc., can be ridiculously irritating but it can be funny as well! So I figured we needed a thread where we can poke fun at it. So...post ladies!


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## marrymeflyfree (Jan 5, 2008)

You must have read my mind...I was just thinking of starting a thread like this! The comments I've had over the last week have had me









A neighbor knew we were looking for childcare for DD during the birth and offered to help if we had no luck finding someone. I mentioned that we needed someone who would be comfortable being here as it happened since we're planning a homebirth. Somehow she misunderstood, and thought I was asking her to catch! She responded that she didn't know a lot about "delivering babies" but that she would read up on it on WebMD to help us out.









After explaining a bit more, including the part about the highly qualified midwife who would be assisting us, she asked if we'd be going to the hospital for the epidural and then coming home again to have the baby. After explaining that part, she got a little worried, and whispered, "You know, women died a lot before epidurals were invented."

Then there is the massage therapist at my chiropractor's office, who asked if we'd, "..you know, like, be on the phone with, like, 911 or something". Then she asked how we would get the baby washed and whatnot. "You know, we'll, like, do it ourselves..." I said.

I'm finding it kind of fun to tell people about it if they ask things like who's my OB or what hospital am I using. I haven't had any outright negative reactions, and the stuff they come up with is really quite entertaining!


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## bajamergrrl (Nov 24, 2008)

No one seems to be able to comprehend that I didn't have an epidural available at a residence.

Various people have also asked me if I went to the hospital afterward...um, if I didn't want to go in the first place, why would I go afterward if the birth went well?


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Epidurals save lives? Who knew?!


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## AnnR33 (Aug 1, 2002)

When my librarian asked which hospital we were using I told her we were having a homebirth. She just got this "deer in headlights" look and said "you're very brave to do that"

someone else asked if I had to get my dr.'s permission! How sad people think dr.s are like gods!


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## mamabadger (Apr 21, 2006)

I love it when people try to imagine a standard hospital birth transferred to my home. One woman asked me what I would use for stirrups when I had a home birth, then answered herself, "Piles of pillows would work, I suppose."









Another one asked how I could ever get my home as clean as a hospital delivery room. "Will you have all the walls washed down with disinfectant first?"
And a friend said I would not want to use the room I gave birth in afterwards, because "It would look like you slaughtered a pig in there!"


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

"So can the midwife cut your episiotomy?"

"Who will do the baby's bath? You know, like the nurses do in the hospital?"


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## LiLStar (Jul 7, 2006)

lol about the stirrups.. I sort of used my mw's shoulder as one! I *really* wanted my leg up like that, and at one point (between ctx) when she leaned over to grab something I was actually kind of panicked to not have her shoulder there to put my foot on. It seems really weird to think of that now.. there is NO shame while in labor









My best was talking with another mom from church and I was talking to her about homebirthing. She knew ds was born at home and asked if dd was also. I told her I tried really hard to but she ended up being a c-section. She asked if they could do that at home and I was like, nooo way! Answered her "what do you do at home if you need a c-section?" question.. ya go to the hospital! I think she realized very quickly that it was a silly question. I think she might have misunderstood me thinking that I said my dd was born at home by c-section, and was confused.


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## nashvillemidwife (Dec 2, 2007)

After my transport my mother said she was glad I went to the hospital because she was _old fashioned_ and believed babies should be born in the hospital. (wtf? that's like saying "I'm glad your puppy died because I don't like dogs.")


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## Bekka (Nov 20, 2001)

Her: So what hospital was C. born at?

Me: Actually, C was born in the kitchen.

Her, jaw drop: You're kidding! On purpose?

Me: Oh yes--so was S!! We had 2 great water births.







:


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

A co-worker of DH's was talking about the pain of birth & he somehow he mentioned pushing flat on your back.

She says, "Well, what other way is there? On your stomach?!"


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## billikengirl (Sep 12, 2008)

This isn't even bad, but it annoys me anyway--lately the very.first.thing people say is "Oh, so you'll have a pool then."

Well, yeah, I plan to have one available, but that isn't the whole point of home birth, and it's not like I'm going to commit NOW to having the baby in the pool. But it's the only thing people can come up with to say when I mention our plans.


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## vulnerable (Apr 21, 2009)

Its funny I was just "blogging" about this because I am so fed up with negative comments. First off I would love to have a home birth but one where I live in south jersey it is almost impossible to find a MW willing and two I am a type one diabetic so the risk increases slightly.

However I am planning on laboring at home for as long as possible and having a completely natural childbirth. EVERYONE except my boyfriend thinks I am insane. They think you need to have a epi especially if it is your first, you have to go to the hospital as soon as your water breaks, BF is a bad idea and makes your breasts sag, its just insane the lack of research and or knowledge people have because of the media.

I was over a friends house yesterday and she is addicted to those baby shows on discovery channel. She looks at me and was like, "see you need to have pain meds, she has an epi and is still screaming at the top of her lungs". I just shook my head, and said yay for media scaring women, our bodies are made to have babies, we have been doing it for many many years. Sigh its never ending







:


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Said by woman who turned out to be wife of ER doc: "Ooooooooo! You're using _those_ midwives? I hate to scare you, but they're not that good. My friend had a baby with them and ended up going to the hospital."








:


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## jessica_lizette (Feb 3, 2008)

Not a negative comment, but it was a jaw-dropper nonetheless. I've been hesitant to tell dh's family about our plan for a home birth because they already think we're nuts for having our first at a birth center. Somehow it came up with my GMIL and I told her that we're planning a home birth this time around, and she got really excited because we'll have a nice big tub in the master bedroom where we're moving to soon. "Oh how NICE! You should do it at home, you'll have your own little private suite!" I was really shocked because she is the most pro-pharmaceuticals-and-doctors-for-everything person we know, but she went on to tell me all about the "program with Ricki Lake and all the midwives" she watched (Business of Being Born), and how she would be terrified of a hospital birth with how high the c-section rates are climbing. It was just really nice and surprising to get that kind of support from her.







:


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## Chamsia (Jan 19, 2007)

We live in NY now, but our daughter was born in MA. We moved during the pregnancy (from one MA town to another), and kept our midwife. But she didn't have contacts at the closest hospital, so we went there in search of support in case of transfer. In MA it is illegal for nurse midwives to do homebirths (?!?!?!). I asked the doc--who was quite anti-homebirth--why. His reply: "When you have someone highly trained like that you don't want them doing homebirths."

Hmmm. I somehow managed to hold my tongue since we needed this dude's help (and he did deign, reluctantly, to be my backup). My husband was amazed--I rarely think before speaking. We were floored, as it was like the doc wanted us to have a back-alley birth with no trained attendants. Ugh.

Happily, we didn't go to the hospital, except for tests when I was 10 days overdue. Of course they wanted to induce me, but I demurred. After the birth I sent announcement to both the docs with explainations of how great the homebirth was.


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## Barefoot~Baker (Dec 25, 2008)

:

This is wonderful though -









Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessica_lizette* 
Not a negative comment, but it was a jaw-dropper nonetheless. I've been hesitant to tell dh's family about our plan for a home birth because they already think we're nuts for having our first at a birth center. Somehow it came up with my GMIL and I told her that we're planning a home birth this time around, and she got really excited because we'll have a nice big tub in the master bedroom where we're moving to soon. "Oh how NICE! You should do it at home, you'll have your own little private suite!" I was really shocked because she is the most pro-pharmaceuticals-and-doctors-for-everything person we know, but she went on to tell me all about the "program with Ricki Lake and all the midwives" she watched (Business of Being Born), and how she would be terrified of a hospital birth with how high the c-section rates are climbing. It was just really nice and surprising to get that kind of support from her.







:


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 
Said by woman who turned out to be wife of ER doc: "Ooooooooo! You're using _those_ midwives? I hate to scare you, but they're not that good. My friend had a baby with them and ended up going to the hospital."








:

















That is priceless and terribly sad!


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## accountclosed3 (Jun 13, 2006)

what?! "back alley" births without trained attendants?

who would think of such a thing?







LOL


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## jtrt (Feb 25, 2009)

The question I find strangest is, "Can't you afford to go to a doctor?"

Amy


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

Subbing. Will return later to share my stories.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

:


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## mamakah (Nov 5, 2008)

I didn't have a home birth because I couldn't find a midwife that would do one.







So I was at a birth center. I got countless comments about how dangerous it was to go without the fetal heart monitor, the immediate suctioning of their throat and nose etc. I'd have to say the worst comment actually came from a book about pregnancy that I read. It called home and natural birthers "barbaric", "gothic", and "irresponsible." The ex playmate who wrote it also noted that she would be laying in bed after her medicated birth, looking pretty and rested, toasting her champagne with family, while the natural birther will be panting in exhaustion with broken veins in her head from pushing so hard. Absolutely disgusting.


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## Mamatoabunch (Sep 23, 2007)

In relation to UC, so how do you weigh the baby after birth and all that "other" stuff for newborn. Umm a scale and we don't do any of that other stuff.

And this weekend, so dh is the midwife then, ummm, no he just holds my hand. But he delivers the baby, no I catch my own baby.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

Upon finding out that I was having a homebirth a male coworker said "I can't believe your husband is going to let you do that"


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## Chamsia (Jan 19, 2007)

To clarify (for jtrt)--I think UC is fabulous!!! 'twas the way the doc said _you wouldn't want someone who was well trained doing home-births_ that brought on the image of him thinking we were doing some dirty, horrible evil thing and should be ashamed. So ridicuous.


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

A lady I met at a restaurant asked which hospital I had Dd2 at. I told her she was born at home. She looked really concerned and asked "What happened?"

I said "I went into labor, the midwives came out, the baby was born, the midwives went home"

I was showing my late grandma pictures of the birth. Someone put a hat Dd's head soon after she came to the surface and Grandma saw a picture of her with a hat on. She said "She was born with a hat on?"







Grandma was supportive of homebirth. Her twin brother and sister were born at home in the 1920's and she was there. She said they would have died if they'd been born in the hospital. They were premature and her mother carried them around the house with her in a laundry basket everywhere she went.


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## mamabadger (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momasana* 
Upon finding out that I was having a homebirth a male coworker said "I can't believe your husband is going to let you do that"









Oh well, it makes a nice change from "I can't believe your _doctor_ would let you do that."

Actually, I had one very nice reaction from an elderly man. He and his DW had lived in a small village in Scotland, and he told me that back then, most babies in the area were born at home attended by midwives. He said having a baby at home is "so much nicer." He described his daughter being born, and almost immediately holding her in his arms, with tears in his eyes even though it happened over forty years ago.


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## shelley4 (Sep 10, 2003)

i got/get alot of the "ooooooh, you are so BRAVE!".

and once, when explaining that the mw's bring their own medical gear in event of emergency (oxygen and such), one person asked if they also brought the IV pole too (because *every* woman uses an IV, right? it's impossible to birth without one!), and the epidural... even more shock follows after being told that no, you can't have an epidural at home.


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

When I was discussing homebirth a friend of mine who is actually pro-natural childbirth said that she just wouldn't be comfortable doing a homebirth because of things like the cord getting wrapped around the baby's neck.







Apparently that can't be taken care of by anyone but an OB.


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
When I was discussing homebirth a friend of mine who is actually pro-natural childbirth said that she just wouldn't be comfortable doing a homebirth because of things like the cord getting wrapped around the baby's neck.







Apparently that can't be taken care of by anyone but an OB.

I've heard that one so many times. "My baby would have died if they were born at home because they had the cord wrapped around their neck" Well, my homebirthed baby had her cord around her neck twice. The midwives just unwrapped it. It wasn't that big a deal. And she didn't die.


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## D'sMama (May 4, 2008)

Why do so many people think you can get an epidural at home? I've gotten that too and had to suppress my laughter.


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## smeep (May 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *D'sMama* 
Why do so many people think you can get an epidural at home? I've gotten that too and had to suppress my laughter.

I get that ALL the time! I birthed in a freestanding birth center, but I get it even after already explaining that it's essentially the same as at home, it's just not _my_ home. I explain that, no, it was not an option and I was quite content. For one, you couldn't PAY me to get in a car again during labour (by the time the pain is bad enough to want an epidural, the THOUGHT of a car ride is horrifying - it was bad enough going TO the center). For two, the water for me felt the way I hear a working epidural is (and I always say "working" to point out that they don't always work). By the time it no longer made a difference many women would have the epidural "turned down" anyways, and it was literally at BEST 30 monutes before he was born - in a hospital I'd be lucky to get an anesthesiologist there in time.


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## emma1325 (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momasana* 
Upon finding out that I was having a homebirth a male coworker said "I can't believe your husband is going to let you do that"









This reminded me of my little gem. I didn't have a hb, but I had a natural birth at a hospital without an iv. When I had to have an iv a year later to get my wisdom teeth removed, I freaked out over the iv, as I'm terrified of needles, more specifically needles with drugs dripping into my body.









The oral surgeon reprimanded me for being so upset over the iv, and remarked, "you have a baby! Did you do this when you got your iv during childbirth?" and I replied that I opted for natural childbirth without an iv.

*He then scoffed and said, "They should have held you down and MADE you get the iv."*


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## emma1325 (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
When I was discussing homebirth a friend of mine who is actually pro-natural childbirth said that she just wouldn't be comfortable doing a homebirth because of things like the cord getting wrapped around the baby's neck.







Apparently that can't be taken care of by anyone but an OB.

You know, I'm a natural child-birther, but I'd like to learn more about homebirth and have one with my next child. The possibility of the cord being wrapped around the baby's neck and the inability for a midwife to handle it quickly enough is something that terrifies me...so I can actually relate to this concern. I'm sure that more education will alleviate my fears.


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## apple_juice (Apr 17, 2008)

My step sister said right to my face (she is a total UAV)

"If you have a home birth your baby will be retarded likemy friend's baby, she had midwives and thats why her baby isn't normal"

Grrrrrr.


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## Veronika01 (Apr 16, 2007)

A lady on another forum said she "would never forgive herself if something happened to her baby at home and it's just not worth it for the experience". Um. OK. So nothing ever happens to babies in hospitals?? I got the "You're so brave" thing.







I got the constant harassment from my mother over the phone while I was in transition. She kept phoning over and over and told my dh to "Just force her into the car and drive her to the hospital. Be the man in the relationship." and "How will you live with yourself is she dies and you have to raise those children on your own??" Lady, right now dying would be a blessing just so I never have to listen to your interfering nagging ever again. Seriously. I AM GIVING BIRTH. WILL YOU SHUT UP AND STOP HARASSING US??


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## DoulaJulian (Jul 12, 2007)

I always loooove the comments about "the mess of having a homebirth" that I get from folks. "You'll have to shampoo all the carpets!"









I did have a hospital birth with baby #3...and it WAS a mess b/c of the completely superfluous episotomy, and the intense bleeding caused by the OB ripping my placenta out with seconds of the baby exiting the premises. Yeah, that looked like an animal was slaughtered in the room, so I suppose if that is everyone's impression of what normal birth it, they must think i am nuts to want that at my home.

However, the truth is that with zero ripping, the only "mess" from our homebirth was when my totally clear amniotic fluid released while I kneeled on a chux pad on my bed (ie; no mess at all). And then the gentle expulsion of my placenta 20 minutes after the birth on another chux pad. So all in all, not a mess whatsoever.

And not to mention that my mw's helped me take a shower, drained and deflated the birthing pool, threw in a load of laundry, did some dishes, served me a cheescake in bed, and didn't leave until I was tucked into a bed with clean sheets...what mess?

Justine


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## momto3wantingmore (Feb 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabadger* 
Oh well, it makes a nice change from "I can't believe your _doctor_ would let you do that."

Actually, I had one very nice reaction from an elderly man. He and his DW had lived in a small village in Scotland, and he told me that back then, most babies in the area were born at home attended by midwives. He said having a baby at home is "so much nicer." He described his daughter being born, and almost immediately holding her in his arms, with tears in his eyes even though it happened over forty years ago.

Oh how sweat!


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emma1325* 
*He then scoffed and said, "They should have held you down and MADE you get the iv."*


















Yeah, cuz just DRINKING WATER when you need to hydrate your body is such a risky, dangerous choice to have made.


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## emma1325 (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MegBoz* 
















Yeah, cuz just DRINKING WATER when you need to hydrate your body is such a risky, dangerous choice to have made.
















I know, right? His remark made me think of what they did to women in insane asylums of the past. Creepy.


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## mouthcave (Oct 9, 2008)

"You're so brave." Various things about "miracles"/being lucky that do not apply to hospital births.
"What will you do with the baby once he's born?" ???
I've found that a lot of people are really freaked out by birthing without an epidural and definitely think I regret doing it. Or they automatically think I was TERRIFIED once I actually knew what I was getting into. Like, "So you won't be doing that again, will you?" with a smirk. Actually, if we plan to have another child that is the ONLY way I will do it unless something serious comes up.
Mostly people haven't said much of anything to me and if they do, they act all weird and embarrassed about it. I think it is because it involves my vagina? That is all I can make of it, haha.


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## lafemmedesfemmes (Nov 16, 2003)

shortly after my first son was born, one acquaintance said to me, "ah, so you did it cavewoman-style, did you?"

and a family friend called to congratulate me shortly after my first son's birth, and she said, "i can't *believe* you had that baby all by yourself, and then CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD!" and i laughed because she put SO! MUCH! EMPHASIS! on the fact that i cut the umbilical cord all on my own.









christina


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

My brother in law made a big deal about how worried he was that the birth center discharged me 4 hours after birth. He never said anything about my home birth though.


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## CallMeMommy (Jun 15, 2005)

DS was having some evaluations for gross motor delay last month and one of the therapists was completely baffled at the home birth and asked if we had to take him to the hospital afterwards (um, no) and had no idea that the midwife was "able" to do the newborn check and PKU, etc. One of DH's aunts asked how we were going to get him circumcised (um, we're not). Other than that, just the standard "you're so brave!" or "my kid would have died at home" responses.

One jaw-dropping positive comment I got was from a friend who had 3 scheduled c-sections (so I was thinking she was going to be one of those "zomg my baby would have died!" people) who thought it was cool and said her SIL is a midwife. Totally didn't expect that!


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lafemmedesfemmes* 
shortly after my first son was born, one acquaintance said to me, "ah, so you did it *cavewoman-style*, did you?"

and a family friend called to congratulate me shortly after my first son's birth, and she said, "i can't *believe* you had that baby all by yourself, and then CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD!" and i laughed because she put SO! MUCH! EMPHASIS! on the fact that i cut the umbilical cord all on my own.









christina

Did you gnaw it off with your teeth?







maybe that's what she envisioned?


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## lafemmedesfemmes (Nov 16, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
Did you gnaw it off with your teeth?







maybe that's what she envisioned?

maybe i should have told either woman that i had.







the reactions would've been priceless!

christina


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## Night_Nurse (Nov 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jtrt* 
The question I find strangest is, "Can't you afford to go to a doctor?"

Amy

I know. People find it odd that I willingly paid thousands of dollars out of pocket for a homebirth when I could have had a hospital delivery for a $75 co-pay!
And I would gladly do it again!


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emma1325* 
You know, I'm a natural child-birther, but I'd like to learn more about homebirth and have one with my next child. *The possibility of the cord being wrapped around the baby's neck and the inability for a midwife to handle it quickly enough is something that terrifies me..*.so I can actually relate to this concern. I'm sure that more education will alleviate my fears.

All of us are joking when we say that midwives can't handle it. It actually happens very frequently and it isn't as big a deal as most people think it is. My homebirthed baby was born with the cord wrapped around her neck twice. My midwife just unwrapped it from her neck once her head was born. They had oxygen available if she had needed it but it wasn't necessary. She was just fine.


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## ericswifey27 (Feb 12, 2005)

Re: Vbac at home

"They let you do that after a csection?!?"

"You are so brave"

"Can they do stuff like an epidural at home?!?"

"Wow (long, long pause.)"


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## mommy2two babes (Feb 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emma1325* 
I freaked out over the iv, as I'm terrified of needles, *more specifically needles with drugs dripping into my body*.









The oral surgeon reprimanded me for being so upset over the iv, and remarked, "you have a baby! Did you do this when you got your iv during childbirth?" and I replied that I opted for natural childbirth without an iv.

*He then scoffed and said, "They should have held you down and MADE you get the iv."*

I know a bit OT but yuck. As if you should lose all rights and choice when you have a baby. I had 6 women hold my down to get my hep b shot in grade 7. they all thought that I was just afraid of needles really it creeped me out that they were injecting stuff into me.
I suppose they thought they were doing me a favor







:


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## Beeblebrox (Apr 6, 2005)

When prepping for my first homebirth:

*scoff* Yeah. Let me know how THAT goes.







(at me)

Me: Sure, absolutely I'll be happy to let you know how wonderful it was!


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ericswifey27* 
Re: Vbac at home

"They let you do that after a csection?!?"

"You are so brave"

"Can they do stuff like an epidural at home?!?"

"Wow (long, long pause.)"


I HATE the "let" comments!


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## Fly Girl (Jan 11, 2008)

My mom said, "You HAVE to have an epidural!" And then later she said that it was unfair of me to have a homebirth because all of the family wanted to be there and look at my baby through the window while she is in the nursery. What?? You mean you don't want to come over to my house after she is born and hold her?


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## Beeblebrox (Apr 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fly Girl* 
My mom said, "You HAVE to have an epidural!" And then later she said that it was unfair of me to have a homebirth because all of the family wanted to be there and look at my baby through the window while she is in the nursery. What?? You mean you don't want to come over to my house after she is born and hold her?

Also, why is she assuming your baby would be in the nursery anyway. Sigh, Hollywood.


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
Did you gnaw it off with your teeth?







maybe that's what she envisioned?









:
Awesome! I think I might remember that for future use.







Just too funny!!


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## buttercups.nest (Jul 2, 2009)

Not quite on topic but I had to share....I was having my hair cut this morning and overheard a conversation about how awesome scheduled c sections are......hmmmm really?


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## Blue_Moon (May 20, 2009)

''And what does your husband think about you doing that?''
Hubby usually laughs about it. He's more into than I am!









''what if the baby doesn't come out?''









And my favorite one from my MIL
''I know lots of different cultures in (insert name of our small little town) and none of THEM ever had a UC!''
Which is funny because my husband's aunt had an unplanned UC on her kitchen floor a few years ago! LOL.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *buttercups.nest* 
Not quite on topic but I had to share....I was having my hair cut this morning and overheard a conversation about how awesome scheduled c sections are......hmmmm really?

Yes, my uncle, told me this with my last pregnancy. His wife had just finished a scheduled c-section, he told me it was really "the way to go" no going in and getting sent home, etc. I just said umm-hmmm.... thoughtfully.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
Yes, my uncle, told me this with my last pregnancy. His wife had just finished a scheduled c-section, he told me it was really "the way to go" no going in and getting sent home, etc. I just said umm-hmmm.... thoughtfully.

My grandmother told me that, too... She had both her children by required scheduled cesarean because her uterus had been scarred (she'd been told she wouldn't even be able to have children). Her mother had supposedly almost died in childbirth and scared her, too, so I think she was grateful to just go in and have them take the baby with no labor.

My mom and my aunt (my grandmother's two daughters), however - my mom had two natural, no-epidural hospital births







, my aunt had two homebirths








:


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## WTHamI? (Jul 29, 2009)

I was talking about birth with my cousin (who has had four hospital births, all induced with pitocin, and all with epidurals) and she said how great the OB she used for her last birth was. (Yeah, where she was induced for being overdue and ended up with a preemie in the NICU because her due date was wrong...














and I mentioned that I'm hoping for a homebirth with a midwife.

Cousin (horrified): "I wouldn't trust a midwife to do an epidural."

Me: "Well, they don't do epidurals with homebirths."

Cousin: "Yeah, you'll change your mind with your first contraction."









Um, hello, you don't even know what a normal contraction is because you've never had one that wasn't brought on by pit.









My mother, who was present for this discussion, was extremely concerned that I was planning to have a baby without any prenatal or postnatal care whatsoever, assuming for some reason that you only ever saw the midwife during the actual birth! Like I'd meet her for the first time while in labor and she'd be out the door as soon as the baby was born, never to be seen or heard from again!


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## fwlady (May 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Night_Nurse* 
I know. People find it odd that I willingly paid thousands of dollars out of pocket for a homebirth when I could have had a hospital delivery for a $75 co-pay!
And I would gladly do it again!

Yeah, I WISH! Of what I can determine with our health ins., if we do the whole OB, hospital birth and stay, my OOP costs would be the SAME or MORE as a lay midwife especially if the baby is born after the first of the year; because then they hit me with the yearly deductible, MY personal deductible, and then 20% for everything, not including that up until Aug 1st, they were charging a specialist co-pay for all the monthly and bi-monthly visits, and then weekly and bi-weekly once I go weeks overdue. The only good part is that we can pay a little at a time, on top of our monthly premiums, and then as we can after the baby is born. The visits are now a regular fee, but our hope is to only have the back up care for that JIC PPH issue I have a history of, even when the 3rd stage has been left alone and managed by myself.

I can't even count the THOUSANDS of dollars that I have saved because of UCing, but that is not our primary reason. We had a UP/planned UC, that ended up as a transfer, and luckily, I had gotten a 2nd insurance for that JIC thing. The last transfer, they never actually admitted me when I had a severe PPH, so it cost me $125 OOP.

I personally like to have that money to actually spend on my kids. The amount can pay for a small vacation for our family of going on 10. Why pay for someone else's vacation?







Kymberli


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

I'm planning a homebirth this time. My mom says I should go to the hospital, because the environment is sterile there and "doctors have gloves and stuff".


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## tygrss (Sep 4, 2007)

Some of these stories are sad. Others are scary. Yet, others are hilarious! LOL.

I haven't told anyone that we're planning a homebirth yet. I think DH mentioned it to his parents and they started hemming and hawwing. I told him to stop talking to them about it. I don't need the negativity.

People are still in awe that I had a birth center birth. One person at work said that people who give birth outside of hospitals are risking their baby's lives. This person also said that she wants all the medical intervention that she can get because it's safer that way (meaning she wants pitocin, her water broken and internal fetal monitors again, etc because apparantly that's safer than going into labor on her own, spontaneous rupture of membranes, etc). Yes, we are both doctors. Sigh.

The only negative comments I got last time were (1) "You can't have an epidural? OMG!!!!!" and (2) You went home 3 hours after giving birth? That aint safe!" As explained by my 50 year-old male cousin.

We'll see what comments we get this next time. LOL. I don't plan to say anything until after the fact.


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## ColwynsMommy (Aug 2, 2004)

I got mostly positive comments about Fiona's homebirth. The one comment was really funny was part of a totally surreal conversation at City Hall when I was there to pick up Fiona's birth certificate.

Clerk: So, did you mean to have her at home?

Me: Yep. It was great.

Clerk: Wow. How do you know how much she weighed?

Me: Um.. the midwife had a scale. Actually, it was pretty nice because the baby got to snuggle up in a hammock rather than lie on a plastic scale.

Clerk: Oh, you had a midwife there. You know, we had a woman come in once who did that, but didn't have anyone there.

Me: Yeah, some women prefer it that way, but I felt safer with a midwife [and no, it didn't even occur to me to tell her that our midwife didn't actually make it in time].

Clerk: Well, I thought it was crazy. I mean, how are we supposed to know that the baby was hers and not one she stole?

Me: I don't think that actually happens that often.

Clerk: Are you kidding? You'd be surprised.

Me: Well, the state requires we present a letter from our pediatrician to file the birth certificate, so hopefully that would help a little.

Clerk: Yeah. I was wondering, though.. what do they do with the placenta?

Me: Um.. well, some people bury it in the yard. Or you can just throw it away. Some people even eat it.

Clerk: No, no.. what I mean is, shouldn't they, like.. bring it in, so we know that they gave birth?

Me: Um..


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColwynsMommy* 
Clerk: No, no.. what I mean is, shouldn't they, like.. bring it in, so we know that they gave birth?

Me: Um..

Yes, please bring the placenta as well as you pp pads so we can be REALLY sure you just gave birth.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
Yes, please bring the placenta as well as you pp pads so we can be REALLY sure you just gave birth.

But... but... what if they stole the placenta the same time they stole the baby?


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## CEG (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColwynsMommy* 
I got mostly positive comments about Fiona's homebirth. The one comment was really funny was part of a totally surreal conversation at City Hall when I was there to pick up Fiona's birth certificate.

Me: Um.. well, some people bury it in the yard. Or you can just throw it away. Some people even eat it.

Clerk: No, no.. what I mean is, shouldn't they, like.. bring it in, so we know that they gave birth?

Me: Um..

Our local office required us to bring the baby to get the BC. She was 2 weeks old and I guess her presence was "proof" that she was ours. Like we couldn't have kidnapped her or borrowed a baby for an hour. And the paperwork was filed by midwives, not by us. Stupid! When they first said to bring the baby we thought they just wanted to see a baby. When we got there we realized she was there to be evidence.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marrymeflyfree* 

After explaining a bit more, including the part about the highly qualified midwife who would be assisting us, she asked if we'd be going to the hospital for the epidural and then coming home again to have the baby. After explaining that part, she got a little worried, and whispered, "You know, women died a lot before epidurals were invented."


Geez it is amazing and scary how little woman know about how things work.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 
Said by woman who turned out to be wife of ER doc: "Ooooooooo! You're using _those_ midwives? I hate to scare you, but they're not that good. My friend had a baby with them and ended up going to the hospital."








:
















I had the nearly the same thing happen. When I was around 8 months pg with ds I ran into a woman I was friends with in school and she asked me which hospital I was having the baby at and I told her I was having a BC birth with MW's and she said oh I know someone who used those MW and her and the baby nearly died .







: who says crap like that to a pg lady anyway??? I responded with well I know (insert name here) who had a hospital birth and her and the baby almost died. That pretty much ended the conversation right there.


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WTHamI?* 
Cousin: "Yeah, you'll change your mind with your first contraction."









Oh, DS was a planned natural birth in a hospital.







DH & I sometimes mentioned our plans for natural birth & we heard that too. DH even heard that







from MALE co-workers. Seriously?














My MIL pulled it too, "Well those ctrx really hurt. They'll really get your attention." with that tone of voice like, _"You are clueless & NUTS to not want drugs."_
Really?







Cuz my Bradley teacher told me it would feel like a foot massage. Hum?? Once again, I must









You learn to deal with it. Ignore, then towards the end I avoided. Told DH not to tell me if he'd had a convo like that & he was under strict orders to keep his mother away from me altogether.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

"You had the baby at home? Was it normal or c-section?"

I am not joking. My college roommate is not the sharpest tool in the shed.


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## mrscompgeek (Nov 15, 2007)

One of the men in our church who is the father of 3 after finding out we are going natural (he still doesnt know its a home birth, hee hee) - - -
"Dont try to go natural, just start out with the epi and it will be much better for everybody".








Much better for who? I was so mad, my husband had to pull me away before I said something, lol.
Oh that there is the great aunt of mine that worked as a nurse in OB at a hospital for 30 some years. She is all for homebirth AS LONG AS ITS NOT YOUR FIRST. Yeah, she found out we are doing homebirth and she was like but you have to have your first at the hospital. You have to find out how your birth will go before you try it at home. ...







Um, yeah. Sure thing.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juvysen* 
But... but... what if they stole the placenta the same time they stole the baby?


















I'm sure that women who steal babies are VERY concerned about getting their birth certs on file...


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## DocsNemesis (Dec 10, 2005)

I havent gotten any really funny comments, although I have been told many times that I'm brave so going without an epidural or for having a homebirth. lol. I also find it funny when I happen to be out with just my eldest (my other 3 are at their dads about half of the time) and people assume this is my 2nd. They try to give helpful advice...and then when I say oh no, this is my 6th, they act like they have a heart attack.

I did get quite funny reactions when I took my 3rd out at 8 hours old, to the mall. People were like "OMG the hospital let you go home already?!?" And I'm like "uh, she was born at home." BAM! I have a third head.









Oh, and I had a cesarean with my last one. When my friend heard, her response was "its so much easier, isnt it!," like I'd finally understand. She was rather taken aback when I said heck no!! I never want another one of those again!








Sorry but I'd take labor and pushing over several weeks of recovery from major surgery any day!


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## Narawen (Jul 18, 2009)

I haven't gotten any comments personally because I haven't been preg yet, but heard about a friend's homebirth conversation with a stranger.

The initial reaction was "Oh...I don't take chances rolling the dice with my baby's life."







: After my friend kept talking to her, assuring her it was safe in a normal, healthy pregnancy, the woman ended the conversation by saying "So if your husband needs open heart surgery, are you going to do that for him at home too?"


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## mamakori (Dec 19, 2008)

I was telling my step-mother that we were planning a homebirth with a midwife with this pregnancy, and her first question was "what does your OB think about that?" I told her that I don't have an OB, that's what the midwife is for and her reaction was







. My second child was born at a freestanding birth center, so apparently she didn't entirely understand what that meant at the time!


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## GreenVariety (Aug 12, 2009)

I haven't finished reading this entire thread yet but I have to add before the comments go completely out of my head!

Yesterday I was talking to a friend and these are the few comments that I got that blew me away.

"Do women still do that at home still? I only ask because you're the only one I know" Note: she gave birth in a hospital via c-section after 19 hours of birth but her doctor is very anti c-sections and was telling her during her pregnancy that she body probably wouldn't be able to do a VB.

"You have more willpower then a lot of women." Willpower? hehe.

And then something to the effect of "How are you going to manage all that pain" ...









Oh well, I'm sure I will get more. My grandmother and mother are nervous about it... And I'm only 11 weeks, what happens when I start showing! Should be interesting! I'm sure I'll be back!

xo

Wysteria


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

I was lucky on my mom's side that my aunt paved the way for me by homebirthing her two children about 10 years ago. One reason she gave, I remember, was that she didn't want to be shaved "down there"... which seems like kind of a silly reason considering all the better reasons - but then I was 11, so I imagine she was trying to make it understandable to a kid. Dh's side tends to just talk about you behind your back, but his dad mentioned being nervous about it last time. I can't imagine they'll have much to say this time, though...


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## sweetpea_119 (Sep 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Narawen* 
the woman ended the conversation by saying "So if your husband needs open heart surgery, are you going to do that for him at home too?"

Why not? His home gall bladder removal went well enough...


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Well... if you go by the thieves of body parts, all you need is some strong knock-out kind of drug, a sharp knife and a tub full of ice... who needs to go into debt over that?









Sorry, I'm in the middle of watching a frontline video about healthcare around the world... and how americans frequently go broke from health emergencies, while people in many other countries hardly pay anything...


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## faerierose (Jul 9, 2006)

When I told my mother I was having a homebirth with ds she got really freaked out. She blurts out "If they don't cut the cord fast enough your baby will die!" She really truly thought that if the cord is not cut within seconds of the birth that it would hurt the baby.


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## ChristSavesAll (Mar 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chamsia* 
"]you wouldn't want someone who was well trained doing home-births"

That's funny cause I took it as...

Someone that skilled has got to deliver in the hospital, so we can all get in on the money action.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)

:


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## AirMiami (Feb 3, 2009)

These comments are great/sad. I haven't had a done it yet because I lived with my parents with my first baby, but when I get pregnant again, I'm going to aim for a homebirth. I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of eye rolling and silly comments, especially from all of my friends who had c-sections.


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## fwlady (May 11, 2009)

This isn't totally related to HB, but I just thought of it, and it was quite funny. My father was born in the 30s. He has since passed away, about 10 yrs now, but this really tickled me.

We had been discussing whether or not my Dh would make it to the birth, since he did overnights twice a week at the time. (well, he does this again now, so who knows how that will turn out).

And, my 67yo Dad says (they always waited in the waiting room pacing right?), "no man should EVER see his wife in that position." Referring to giving birth, right? I am like, "Uhhh, well he is the one that put her in that position, and besides, isn't that the position he had her in when she got pregnant?" He wasn't one to shy away from a good s*x talk, but even this made him speechless. I TOTALLY think that men should see their wives give birth, if they want them to continue doing it. If that means holding their hand or being the gopher boy for what she wants and needs.

To me now, this includes catching their baby if he is willing, because it doesn't make sense that any man would want another man down by his wife's bare bottom. I don't get that part, with all the modesty and such, and all that goes out the window when a man has MD behind his name. LOL

My Dh didn't actually get to make it to that birth, and only got to see it on video, back when they used to be less wary of being sued. And, the next birth, he was none to happy about going. But, when it went so quickly, he seemed thrilled. LOL

Anyway....back to your regular scheduled programming. Enjoying this discussion. Kymberli


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## caned & able (Dec 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *D'sMama* 
Why do so many people think you can get an epidural at home? I've gotten that too and had to suppress my laughter.

The Homefirst Practice in Chicago uses epidurals at home, very sparingly, though.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

The one I've heard a few times is "I'd hate to have a homebirth, think of cleaning up all that mess!" Last time, at SIL's baby shower, I giggled and said "You know, the midwives actually do the cleanup... they don't make a woman give birth and then get down on her hands and knees and scrub the floor!" Lightbulb moment.









I'm also slightly amused by MIL's differing reactions to SIL's birth centre birth and my (planned) homebirth (I ended up being induced for pre-e). I think she thinks birthing centres are somehow halfway to hospitals, with lots of equipment and such; whereas in fact our birthing centres are essentially just fancy hotels. Yet my homebirth would have been risky, while SIL's birth centre birth will be OK. I haven't let on, because I don't want her pressuring SIL into delivering at the hospital! (Because DH "would have died" without a hospital, because she stalled for a while at 7cm... ?? I did once try to explain that midwives don't actually sit and gape while you die of exhaustion, but... oh well.)


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

I'm just preparing to hear every one of these comments from DH's grandma when we tell her our next one will be a homebirth. I already told DH that when we tell her he has to be there as well as my MIL because otherwise she will lambaste me as she has done about every parenting decision I have made as of yet. At least she doesn't know we don't vaccinate!


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## Stephenie (Oct 11, 2007)

MIL: I wanted a homebirth, but I changed my mind and went to the hospital. Good thing too, because the cord was wrapped around his neck and he would have died.

DD did in fact, have the cord around her neck. I am pretty sure she's not dead









At a party, someone asked us where dd was born and when we told them at home they just stared at us uncomfortably for a minute. Eventually DH just started talking about how great it was while they looked at their feet.

People tell me how brave I am. I tell them I had her at home to avoid the hospital


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DocsNemesis* 
Oh, and I had a cesarean with my last one. When my friend heard, her response was "its so much easier, isnt it!," like I'd finally understand. She was rather taken aback when I said heck no!! I never want another one of those again!







Sorry but I'd take labor and pushing over several weeks of recovery from major surgery any day!

I haven't had a HB (yet) but #2 was a hospital NCB and #3 was an emergency c-section (placental abruption). I can't believe how many comments I got from women who thought the c-section was sooo much better than their vaginal births (or attempted vaginal births). I think most of them had been induced or at least augmented though.

With #3 I wanted a homebirth but just never felt good about it, so we'd planned to go to the hospital. But I fantasized the entire time about an accidental UC (until my water broke at home in the middle of the night and I was hemorrhaging). I shared this dream with my DH --who was really pushing for a midwife assisted HB AND who is a physician--and he was a little alarmed. His concern had to do with dealing with the cord and the afterbirth. I was like, "Uh. . . we have kitchen shears and mixing bowls. We'd manage!"


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## stealthmode (Dec 4, 2008)

Disclaimer: We're planning a hospital birth for our first due to our living situation and the lack of birth centers here, but I'm hoping for a HB with our next one.

Anyway, my good friend was in town last weekend and we went to visit her cousin, who has two toddlers. Of course we got on the subject of birth. Somehow HB came up, and she actually said, "I think that is so wrong. When those women wind up with dead babies, I don't think manslaughter is a strong enough charge."

Even my mainstream friend didn't quite know what to say to that.








:


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stealthmode* 
Anyway, my good friend was in town last weekend and we went to visit her cousin, who has two toddlers. Of course we got on the subject of birth. Somehow HB came up, and she actually said, "I think that is so wrong. When those women wind up with dead babies, I don't think manslaughter is a strong enough charge."

I wonder what she thinks people should be charged when someone is unfortunate enough to loose a baby in the hospital. Sadly enough, birth loss does happen sometimes. It doesn't mean the parents are at fault for their choice of birth location.


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

Great thread! I've had two c-sects so far and am expecting a third next month.







I know I'll never have a HB but I love to tell people in my family and friends IRL about the people I know that do have HB, especially UAC







I love to see the expressions on their faces.

I SO wish I would have atleast had a natural birth in a hospital. I have even mentioned to some family members that I'd like to try for VBA3C and they comment that it would be wrong and very dangerous.







How could they possibly know that? I'm not someone else...I'm me. I know my body better now and I believe I could do it.


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *belle* 
i said "i went into labor, the midwives came out, the baby was born, the midwives went home".

:d :d :d


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

I've had a lot of comments, having had a birth center birth and then an unplanned UC/planned homebirth and now having another HB.

First of all, "I hope you don't plan to have it in water, the baby could drown!"

Everyone pretty much said after the baby came before the midwife "how did your husband know what to DO??? Wasn't he terrified?" Well, stand there and watched the baby come out and me hold it on my chest and be happy it was crying and breathing. What really is there to DO? And "how did you know what to do without the midwife?" the baby pushed his way out, there wasn't really much for me to do but pick it up and hold it!

Lots of "you're so brave" comments- a heck of a lot less brave than it takes to voluntarily subject oneself and one's baby to what goes on in hospitals!


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

Oh wait, I forgot this one from last week. In my prenatal yoga class, my teacher is very pro-homebirth, natural birth, and midwifery and usually says something about it at the beginning of class. One woman who assured us that she KNEW because her dad is a high risk OB, said midwives weren't safe to use b/c she had a friend who had a miscarriage at 7 months and she was under the care of midwives







Like no one's ever lost a baby who is cared for by an OB or has their baby in a hospital??


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColwynsMommy* 
Clerk: Yeah. I was wondering, though.. what do they do with the placenta?

Me: Um.. well, some people bury it in the yard. Or you can just throw it away. Some people even eat it.

Clerk: No, no.. what I mean is, shouldn't they, like.. bring it in, so we know that they gave birth?

Me: Um..

Bureaucratic ideas of proof make my head spin. When I applied for my maternity leave with ds1, the clerk told me I needed to bring in a signed note from my doctor, confirming that I was pregnant. I was 8 months along, and sitting across from her, with my belly doing gymnastics that she could see from across the desk!! That wasn't "proof", but a typed line or two on a doctor's letterhead, with an illegible signature _was_??

It all boggles my mind...but the idea of carting placentas down to City Hall (or wherever) is really out there.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Awaken* 
Oh wait, I forgot this one from last week. In my prenatal yoga class, my teacher is very pro-homebirth, natural birth, and midwifery and usually says something about it at the beginning of class. One woman who assured us that she KNEW because her dad is a high risk OB, said midwives weren't safe to use b/c she had a friend who had a miscarriage at 7 months and she was under the care of midwives







Like no one's ever lost a baby who is cared for by an OB or has their baby in a hospital??

Yep. I'm sure the MWs caused it, too, by giving her one of their voo-doo, backwoods, pagan herbs.


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## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

The comments I got mostly involved epidurals or clean up. But I wanted to weigh in on the cord around neck issue. I know sometimes it is an issue, but with our homebirth, my HUSBAND, who has nothing more that spectator birth experience, flipped the cord over ds's head as he was born. It's normally not a big deal.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

When I told my dad i was thinking about a homebirth he said "oh, no! That's very DANGEROUS!" Because clearly he had done a lot of research on it







Soooo, I didn't mention where we were having the baby and when we called 30 minutes after he was born it was from our home phone. They called back the next day and said "uh, were you HOME when you called us? It looked like your home phone on the caller id..." and I said "well, yeah, it was!" And my dad was like "huh?" So I said "well, I had the baby at home" he was completely dumbfounded - just sort of blankly repeated what I said.


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Awaken* 
Oh wait, I forgot this one from last week. In my prenatal yoga class, my teacher is very pro-homebirth, natural birth, and midwifery and usually says something about it at the beginning of class. One woman who assured us that she KNEW because her dad is a high risk OB, said midwives weren't safe to use b/c she had a friend who had a miscarriage at 7 months and she was under the care of midwives







Like no one's ever lost a baby who is cared for by an OB or has their baby in a hospital??

I know several people who have lost babies while under the care of an OB and delivering in a hospital. So I've decided when people say things like this I'm simply going to reply with my own stories too. Maybe it will show them how ridiculous that argument sounds.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Yeah, seriously. I mean, I know someone who lost her baby, full term, *gasp* from just being pregnant. *sigh* Shockingly her doctors couldn't do anything.







Clearly the best way to not have a pregnancy or birth loss is to never be pregnant.

Our ped said he couldn't imagine homebirth as being safe because one woman (who planned a homebirth) died from placenta previa - bled out before she even went into labor, both mom and baby died. But, uh... that could happen either way! *sigh* Plus, the reason they knew was that she went TO THE HOSPITAL.


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## pampered_mom (Mar 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juvysen* 
bled out before she even went into labor, both mom and baby died. But, uh... that could happen either way! *sigh* Plus, the reason they knew was that she went TO THE HOSPITAL.

I would think the "before she even went into labor" part is key. Sounds to me that makes it clear that it could have happened even way. Since mom/baby were in the hospital, why isn't the hospital blamed? I hate the way folks use terrible events like that to scare others into making a decision - I don't think it's respectful to the people whose story is being talked about.


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## Amatullah0 (Apr 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *faerierose* 
When I told my mother I was having a homebirth with ds she got really freaked out. She blurts out "If they don't cut the cord fast enough your baby will die!" She really truly thought that if the cord is not cut within seconds of the birth that it would hurt the baby.

^^so did my OB, then she was fired


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## Mechella (May 29, 2009)

This topic is hilarious!

I'm not planning a HB (yet! not ttc yet) but when I was pregnant with my daughter we were over at my parents' house for dinner on my due date. My sister mentioned a funny message she had gotten from a male friend of hers who knew when I was due. He left a regular message that ended with something like, "Well I will let you go since you are probably at the hospital because your sister is having the baby"


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

I work in a maternity store the other day and I had a woman in my store literally _shudder_ when I mentioned that I'll be birthing at home in future and say that she could never do it because of all the bodily fluids everywhere. I laughed and told her that the midwives would clean it up, that Chux pads and stuff were used and that it's not like she'd be on her knees right after giving birth, cleaning up blood. She just kept covering her face and shaking her head and being really jittery and repeating "Oh, no no no, I don't do fluids, I just don't, ugh!" Either she didn't believe me, was convinced that blood and fluids would be all over the place in a homebirth, or was a complete germophobe. If only she knew how dirty the hospital is!


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

That one is totally weird. There is going to be the same gore at a home birth as at a hospital birth. It just depends on the birth not the location.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evergreen* 
That one is totally weird. There is going to be the same gore at a home birth as at a hospital birth. It just depends on the birth not the location.

I dunno... my induced-from-nothing hospital birth was a *lot* more messy than my homebirth. Pitocin made for a lot of blood dripping after, breaking my water early on made for a huge mess all over the place (I still had kind of a lot of water in there and every time i sat down it seriously GUSHED all over the floor)... I was a little nervous about the amount of fluids that would be dripping all over my home during my homebirth, too. Turns out it was *much* neater


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## nia82 (May 6, 2008)

Gosh those comments!
I had a hospital birth with DS, midwife attended, but still ended up with so much monitoring and an IV and wasn't allowed to push upright (i was crying on my back pushing, asking to please be upright). Never again. We are planning on two more, and I want a homebirth. DH finally agreed...
DH's family thinks it's unsafe, dirty and so annoying when you cannot put that newborn into the nursery to sleep, ya know. My parents think it's great as long as it's not high risk (but you monitor your pregnancy so I'd know). My MD sister is all for it, while she wouldn't do it herself, her doctor friends did (2 of them). She doesn't really think it's dangerous at all for women with normal pregnancies. That's in Europe though.


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## mommy2two babes (Feb 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mechella* 
This topic is hilarious!

I'm not planning a HB (yet! not ttc yet) but when I was pregnant with my daughter we were over at my parents' house for dinner on my due date. My sister mentioned a funny message she had gotten from a male friend of hers who knew when I was due. He left a regular message that ended with something like, "Well I will let you go since you are probably at the hospital because your sister is having the baby"









When I was pregnant with my DD I was in a store on my due date.
The guy behind the counter asked when I was due and I told him today.
He looked at me like I was a time bomb ready to go off


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## onelilguysmommy (May 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2two babes* 
When I was pregnant with my DD I was in a store on my due date.
The guy behind the counter asked when I was due and I told him today.
He looked at me like I was a time bomb ready to go off









Try doing that saying "two weeks ago."








Veeeery freaked out looks after they realize what you said, haha!

My dad tried to scare me because his friend had a baby die at 39 weeks. In the hospital.
:sigh:
I feel really badly for the family but how does that prove that a hospital is better?
:


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColwynsMommy* 
I got mostly positive comments about Fiona's homebirth. The one comment was really funny was part of a totally surreal conversation at City Hall when I was there to pick up Fiona's birth certificate.

Clerk: So, did you mean to have her at home?

Me: Yep. It was great.

Clerk: Wow. How do you know how much she weighed?

Me: Um.. the midwife had a scale. Actually, it was pretty nice because the baby got to snuggle up in a hammock rather than lie on a plastic scale.

Clerk: Oh, you had a midwife there. You know, we had a woman come in once who did that, but didn't have anyone there.

Me: Yeah, some women prefer it that way, but I felt safer with a midwife [and no, it didn't even occur to me to tell her that our midwife didn't actually make it in time].

Clerk: Well, I thought it was crazy. I mean, how are we supposed to know that the baby was hers and not one she stole?

Me: I don't think that actually happens that often.

Clerk: Are you kidding? You'd be surprised.

Me: Well, the state requires we present a letter from our pediatrician to file the birth certificate, so hopefully that would help a little.

Clerk: Yeah. I was wondering, though.. what do they do with the placenta?

Me: Um.. well, some people bury it in the yard. Or you can just throw it away. Some people even eat it.

Clerk: No, no.. what I mean is, shouldn't they, like.. bring it in, so we know that they gave birth?

Me: Um..









I did, actually, offer to bring the placenta in to the embassy to "prove" I gave birth, but they thought I might have stolen the placenta along with the baby, and ended up having to do a DNA test. I am already planning to go into the embassy while pregnant and getting the clerk to sign something saying they have seen me pregnant, to avoid spending money on a DNA test again! I might also tape the birth







.


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## smeep (May 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MittensKittens* 







I did, actually, offer to bring the placenta in to the embassy to "prove" I gave birth, but they thought I might have stolen the placenta along with the baby, and ended up having to do a DNA test. I am already planning to go into the embassy while pregnant and getting the clerk to sign something saying they have seen me pregnant, to avoid spending money on a DNA test again! I might also tape the birth







.

THEY made YOU pay for the test?! Ohhhh, I would be tempted to throw my placenta in the FACE of the person who told me that.


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeep* 
THEY made YOU pay for the test?! Ohhhh, I would be tempted to throw my placenta in the FACE of the person who told me that.

Well, they didn't MAKE me, but I was led to believe they might do something stupid like take the baby into their care until the test was done if I refused to pay, so I decided to just do it. Oh, apparently they were so very fascinated by me cutting the cord myself that they put it in my statement twice







. "I cut the umbilical cord myself, using a knife. The umbilical cord was cut by me."


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Here's a new one. We told my childless brother about our hb plans and he said: "Well at least open the windows!" And I kind of looked at him puzzled and he said "You know, because of the smell." I just kinda laughed and told him I didn't think it would especially smelly.

First time I heard that one.


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## lillacfaerie (Jun 29, 2009)

I plan on having a home birth next time, which my mother is really supportive of after she attended my hospital birth. It's really funny though, she keeps saying "I think it would be great to give birth at home and just go to sleep in your own bed and all, but all I could think of is 'oh look at my baby, and the ironing, and the dishes and the floors' I would want to be up cleaning" well I guess there's one benefit to a hospital birth; no house work for 36 hours!


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## hapersmion (Jan 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lillacfaerie* 
I plan on having a home birth next time, which my mother is really supportive of after she attended my hospital birth. It's really funny though, she keeps saying "I think it would be great to give birth at home and just go to sleep in your own bed and all, but all I could think of is 'oh look at my baby, and the ironing, and the dishes and the floors' I would want to be up cleaning" well I guess there's one benefit to a hospital birth; no house work for 36 hours!

Tell her that's her job!


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## Incubator (May 11, 2006)

I had an unassisted birth so:
I had someone ask me how I knew how to get the baby out. I couldn't figure out what to say; do I say my body figured it out, or do I say, I didn't know, the BABY knew how to get out?

Someone asked me who did I get to cut the umbilical cord. The conversation ended when I told her we didn't cut it. I didn't even bother to mention that I could probably figure out how to operate a pair of scissors, if I had decided to cut it.

I've been asked who suctioned the baby (no one, she didn't need it, and most babies don't, but I had a bulb syringe and am pretty sure I can figure out how to use it.)

All sorts of odd questions, like doctors are the only people with any common sense.









ETA: Oh yeah, and someone asked if I went to the hospital after the birth and I said, no I went to bed, I was tired. They asked, "so then how did you report the birth?" and I said I went down to the courthouse and filled out the same form that hospitals use.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Incubator* 
I had an unassisted birth so:
I had someone ask me how I knew how to get the baby out. I couldn't figure out what to say; do I say my body figured it out, or do I say, I didn't know, the BABY knew how to get out?

.

I am just picturing an OB in the delivery room with a megaphone:

"Okay, baby, this is the doctor! I demand you move toward the lights!"

Whatever?


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
I am just picturing an OB in the delivery room with a megaphone:

"Okay, baby, this is the doctor! I demand you move toward the lights!"

Whatever?


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## Pirogi (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
I work in a maternity store the other day and I had a woman in my store literally _shudder_ when I mentioned that I'll be birthing at home in future and say that she could never do it because of all the bodily fluids everywhere. I laughed and told her that the midwives would clean it up, that Chux pads and stuff were used and that it's not like she'd be on her knees right after giving birth, cleaning up blood. She just kept covering her face and shaking her head and being really jittery and repeating "Oh, no no no, I don't do fluids, I just don't, ugh!" Either she didn't believe me, was convinced that blood and fluids would be all over the place in a homebirth, or was a complete germophobe. If only she knew how dirty the hospital is!

I think this woman's reaction hits at the core of the issue for many in our society. People just aren't comfortable with bodily processes and functions. And especially not when there are *whisper* _vaginas_ involved!

Here is mine: my MIL weasled it out of my DH that we were having a homebirth. She gave birth in Russia without any meds but in a room with lots of other birthing mothers. Their babies were taken away and stored somewhere, returning to them only for feedings occassionally throughout the day, and she talks of this time with the other newly postpartum mothers as if it were a super fun slumber party. Anyway, she told my DH (instead of me, because I avoid talking to her whenever possible), "Well, don't blame _me_ if something happens to the baby!" Um, yeah, actually I think it _would_ be your fault! Along with Hurricane Katrina, the Black Death, the Holocaust, and the tragedies at Darfur.

This woman just makes me


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## smeep (May 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
I am just picturing an OB in the delivery room with a megaphone:

"Okay, baby, this is the doctor! I demand you move toward the lights!"

Whatever?

















must. not. pee. pants.

And the kicker is I bet there's a doctor out there somewhere wondering why he can't do just that.


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## tygrss (Sep 4, 2007)

I was in the OR yesterday and one of the other docs and I were talking. He asked me about my family and when I told him that my sister is planning to study midwivery after nursing school he says "Ooooh. I don't like midwives."
Me: Really? Why is that?
Him: I just think that babies should be born in the hospital because I've seen too many babies gorked out from midwives."
Me: Babies can be born "gorked out" at the hospital. Besides, midwives practice in hospitals, birth centers and homes. There is no evidence saying that it's unsafe for a low-risk woman to give birth out of the hospital. In fact, studies show otherwise.
Him: I guess that that's true. But, if you're low risk you don't need any help anyhow.
Me:Exactly.
Him: _Long pause_.........................Well, would YOU have a midwife?
Me: I had my son at a freestanding birth center with midwives.
Him:








Me:








Him: Oh my God! Did you stay there for a day or two?
Me: I stayed for three hours, then went home, had a hamburger and took a nap.
Him:









We continued the conversation and I proceeded to educate him about the education of CNM, CPMs, etc. I didn't even get around to telling him about my planned home birth! LOL!


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## Veronika01 (Apr 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tygrss* 
I was in the OR yesterday and one of the other docs and I were talking. He asked me about my family and when I told him that my sister is planning to study midwivery after nursing school he says "Ooooh. I don't like midwives."
Me: Really? Why is that?
Him: I just think that babies should be born in the hospital because I've seen too many babies gorked out from midwives."
Me: Babies can be born "gorked out" at the hospital. Besides, midwives practice in hospitals, birth centers and homes. There is no evidence saying that it's unsafe for a low-risk woman to give birth out of the hospital. In fact, studies show otherwise.
Him: I guess that that's true. But, if you're low risk you don't need any help anyhow.
Me:Exactly.
Him: _Long pause_.........................Well, would YOU have a midwife?
Me: I had my son at a freestanding birth center with midwives.
Him:








Me:








Him: Oh my God! Did you stay there for a day or two?
Me: I stayed for three hours, then went home, had a hamburger and took a nap.
Him:









We continued the conversation and I proceeded to educate him about the education of CNM, CPMs, etc. I didn't even get around to telling him about my planned home birth! LOL!

That is HILARIOUS!!


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

She shoots, she scores!!! Good for you!







:

It's still funny to me that "miswife" is a scary word for people.


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## crabbyowl (May 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
I am just picturing an OB in the delivery room with a megaphone:

"Okay, baby, this is the doctor! I demand you move toward the lights!"

Whatever?









Midwives in the Middle Ages actually did this when a baby didn't want to come out. I remember reading somewhere that they'd yell between the woman's legs, "Child, Christ calls you forth into the light!" At least it's Christ doing the demanding here, though, and not the doctor, however much s/he might think him- or herself on par with Christ!


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crabbyowl* 
Midwives in the Middle Ages actually did this when a baby didn't want to come out. I remember reading somewhere that they'd yell between the woman's legs, "Child, Christ calls you forth into the light!" At least it's Christ doing the demanding here, though, and not the doctor, however much s/he might think him- or herself on par with Christ!









huh. Did it work?


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

My doctor friend goes to Africa every year (various countries). She witnessed a birth in Mali, and noted they would instruct the baby "get down, baby! get jiggy, baby!" (down, because the mother was squatting).


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laohaire* 
My doctor friend goes to Africa every year (various countries). She witnessed a birth in Mali, and noted they would instruct the baby "get down, baby! get jiggy, baby!" (down, because the mother was squatting).









Well, telling the baby to come down... haven't lots of Mamas here on MDC advocated talking to your baby & asking him to turn if he is breech? So isn't that the same thing?


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

I think I remember begging my midwife to command the baby out when I was having Ava. I also asked for a CSection- at the neck, though.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MegBoz* 
Well, telling the baby to come down... haven't lots of Mamas here on MDC advocated talking to your baby & asking him to turn if he is breech? So isn't that the same thing?

Yeah, probably. I was just chiming in to the other stories about coaxing/ordering babies out, "come into the light" etc. It just seemed relevant to me, wasn't trying to take any special position on it.


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## gratefulmama (Jun 21, 2002)

I avoided telling my family I was planning HB until my mom came out to stay at 37 weeks till I had the baby. We were driving by the hospital where I had my first, and she asked if I was having the next baby there too. I then told her I planned HB and she shook her head and looked out the window.
Later that evening at dinner, she asked dh "Did she tell you she was having the baby at home???!!!!"
Dh and I still laugh about that to this day.


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## happybunny (Mar 2, 2009)

We just had a family dinner and our planned home birth came up. In general DH's parents are pretty supportive and my SIL and BIL haven't said anything negative about our plans. I just had to work hard to keep a straight face when my FIL asked me about how this whole waterbirth thing works out.

FIL: So, what do you do? I mean, do you hang your legs over the edge of the tub/pool and push?
ME: No, I sit, or squat, or kneel, push out the baby and pull it up.
FIL: But how does the midwife get in there? Don't you have to be on your back?
ME: I do whatever feels the most comfortable. Being on your back really isn't the best way to have a baby.

I just pictured myself on my back, with my feet hanging over the edge, trying to squeeze out a baby. Highly unlikely, I would say.


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## brightonwoman (Mar 27, 2007)

When I was pregnant the first time I was planning a homebirth. This came up in a conversation at a family gathering and my MIL said "well since you've never done it before you should really go to the hospital for the first time so that you'll know what it's like, and then you could make a more informed decision for subsequent births."

We actually ended up switching providers mid-pregnancy and doing a natural birth in a hospital with that pregnancy (long list of reasons, and MIL was not one of them







) but I happened to mention to SIL that we were planning for DH to catch the baby. She gave me a weird look and I said that I knew several women who had caught their own babies, but I really wanted DH to have that integral role at the birth, and she just about fell over and said she couldn't imagine the stress of trying to catch your own baby when you're "in all that pain at the end" (ftr, she had 2 inductions turned c/s, then a VBA2C although it was an overdue/semi-induced/augmented labor so I don't know that it can fairly be compared to a non-induced labor).


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brightonwoman* 
she just about fell over and said she couldn't imagine the stress of trying to catch your own baby when you're "in all that pain at the end" (ftr, she had 2 inductions turned c/s, then a VBA2C although it was an overdue/semi-induced/augmented labor so I don't know that it can fairly be compared to a non-induced labor).

Wow - she had a VBA2C and was still thinking this way??? I didn't think anyone had a VBAmC without really informing themselves!!!!! I guess I'm equating education with a certain crunchiness and this is probably a logic flaw on my part...


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happybunny* 
I just pictured myself on my back, with my feet hanging over the edge, trying to squeeze out a baby. Highly unlikely, I would say.










I am picturing you laying on your back with your head under the water...


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## brightonwoman (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisheva* 
Wow - she had a VBA2C and was still thinking this way??? I didn't think anyone had a VBAmC without really informing themselves!!!!! I guess I'm equating education with a certain crunchiness and this is probably a logic flaw on my part...









Ah no, nothing crunchy about SIL at all. I don't think her desire for a VBAC had so much to do with the desire for a natural birth or even a vaginal birth per se, but more with the desire to avoid a c/s. She had pitocin to some degree for every kid (always 'necessary' induction/augmentation) but she went without the epidural because she believed it was healthier for the baby. I have to give her credit for that at least. She has no hesitation to drug them up with other things though so I don't know why she cared so much about avoiding the epidural.







Her 1st, 2nd, and 4th kids were c/s (all 'emergency' for different reasons, imo at least 2 of them were avoidable...but of course her dr said they had to do it and who is she to question an almighty OB...) Anyway, yeah, she got the one VBAC, and her comment after the fact was that vaginal delivery was "every bit as horrible" as having a c/s, but that at least the recovery was easier.


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## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
that it's not like she'd be on her knees right after giving birth, cleaning up blood.

I had to comment on this phrase real quick w/ a funny story about DD's birth. She was a hospital baby, and for the first several postpartum trips to the bathroom, they want a nurse to be with you in case you fall down on the way or whatever. Well, after I went, I noticed that there was a little bit of fresh blood on the floor, so I got a piece of TP and bent over and wiped it up.







The nurse told me that I didn't have to do that.


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## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

And then I have one to add from this pregnancy. I had been hiding our homebirth plans from my family b/c of some drama surrounding DD's birth plans, but it came out to my mom on Wednesday. I think she was in shock and not thinking clearly. The conversation went better than I expected it to, and I was explaining why we chose a homebirth and that we're not being irresponsible and would go to the hospital if it were necessary but the MWs have a bunch of stuff to handle situations at home, etc.

She interrupted me at one point and asked me if I was OK with this.

???

I had to have her repeat the question, and she said the same thing. I mean, all the while I was telling her why we CHOSE this, and she asked that question like it wasn't my decision and someone is holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to have a homebirth or something, lol.


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## Fujiko (Nov 11, 2006)

The only thing my mom (a registered nurse) said was, "When your brother was born, the cord was wrapped around his neck. If the doctor wasn't there he could have DIED. What if the cord is wrapped around the neck?!"

Me: Uh, the midwife unwraps it like a doctor would...What exactly do you think the midwife does, mom?










ETA: I have a family reunion next month (the first since before I was pregnant with #1) so we'll see if we have some doozies then.


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## happybunny (Mar 2, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
I am picturing you laying on your back with your head under the water...









Even better!







If baby gets to be a scuba diver, why can't I be one


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## brightonwoman (Mar 27, 2007)

Even when I brought up a birth center (with CNMs, not even lay midwives or home!) FIL was like "well there is a real doctor there too, right?"
"no, but they regularly work with one and he's available if they need backup"
"Well he'd see you during the pregnancy as well too then, right?"
"Probably not"
"So wait, there's no doctor at all? How is that safe?!"

I'm still kinda back and forth on homebirth this time (I know, I'm 30wks, I gotta get this settled...but we just moved and I'm still choosing a provider and the birth center/CNMs look pretty nice too). Anyway, if we do choose homebirth, I am inclined to not mention it to my in laws until AFTER the birth when we call to let them know that the little guy is here. My folks will know (my mom is a homebirther and she'd be thrilled) but my in laws would just freak themselves out and I don't need to hear about it. They can just wait for the birth announcement and the part about "born peacefully at home"


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## ACsMom (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fwlady* 
Yeah, I WISH! Of what I can determine with our health ins., if we do the whole OB, hospital birth and stay, my OOP costs would be the SAME or MORE as a lay midwife especially if the baby is born after the first of the year;


Me, too! We would actually pay more for OB care and a hospital birth...a couple thousand dollars more. We're saving a lot by having a home birth.

Re: the original topic, I haven't really told anyone yet except my friends who I know are supportive or who have had home births themselves. I might tell my mother, but the rest of my family & dh's family won't find out until after the fact. I need to be in a zen state from now through the birth, and I don't want to deal with any negative reactions....although I have laughed heartily reading this thread!


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## Incubator (May 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Harmony96* 
I had to comment on this phrase real quick w/ a funny story about DD's birth. She was a hospital baby, and for the first several postpartum trips to the bathroom, they want a nurse to be with you in case you fall down on the way or whatever. Well, after I went, I noticed that there was a little bit of fresh blood on the floor, so I got a piece of TP and bent over and wiped it up.







The nurse told me that I didn't have to do that.









With DS I bled all over the floor the first time I got up to go to the bathroom. I didn't want anyone to come in and see it, so I cleaned it all up by "mopping" the floor with some wet paper towels. I don't know what I was thinking! After all, they're nurses, they see blood all the time!


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## bannanachild (May 16, 2009)

My mother:
"You HAVE to go to the hospital. None of my children would have born without epidurals!"

My SIL called me last week, just having found out I was planning on a HB. She was very nervous and asked if she could ask me some questions about waterbirth. I was prepared for questions about safety and things like that but after dancing around the question for a while she said: "So when you have a baby there is a lot of dirty stuff that comes out. Are you just going to sit in that stuff while it floats around you in your pool?"


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## mmaramba (May 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bannanachild* 
My mother:
"You HAVE to go to the hospital. None of my children would have born without epidurals!"

Yeah, without the epidurals, they would have stayed in there forever!


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## Mrs.Floyd (Jan 15, 2007)

OMG this thread has me rolling! Seriously!


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fujiko* 
The only thing my mom (a registered nurse) said was, "When your brother was born, the cord was wrapped around his neck. If the doctor wasn't there he could have DIED. What if the cord is wrapped around the neck?!"

Me: Uh, the midwife unwraps it like a doctor would...What exactly do you think the midwife does, mom?










ETA: I have a family reunion next month (the first since before I was pregnant with #1) so we'll see if we have some doozies then.

Sometimes I wonder if people think doctors have magical powers to prevent problems in case of a nuchal cord. I don't know how many times I've heard this. "So and so had his/her cord around their neck and would have DIED if they hadn't been in the hospital"

Well, dd2 had her cord wrapped around her neck twice, she was born at home, there were no doctors there, and she's not dead.


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## brightonwoman (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bannanachild* 
My mother:
"You HAVE to go to the hospital. None of my children would have born without epidurals!"



One of my SILs told me that none of her children would have come without inductions...

Yeah, cuz they'll just stay in there FOREVER!!!!


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