# I think we just hit the terrible 3s - HELP!



## Liz (Mar 8, 2002)

I don't want to jump to conclusions but it has been my experience with my nieces and nephew that the 2s aren't terrible at all but the 3s are excrutiating. Now my darling boy just turned three a month ago and WOW are we having a tough time. He just will not do many things. Most things I can work around but things like allowing me to diaper him (he's 100% potty trained when naked but will not wear underwear) I just can not physically do with all the kicking and squirming. Going to bed is another. Last night I read him stories, lay down with him, all our usual routine but he just says NO!, gets frustrated that I won't let him go back downstairs and ends up hitting me. So after an hour I left in frustration and DH took over and somehow managed to get him to sleep. THEN he wakes up at 3am and it's like he never went to sleep. He's mad and right back into hitting me!!!!! In the past I have weathered these phases by just not getting mad, not giving him the reward of pissing me off but when it's things that just have to get done what do I do? Here I am not letting it piss me off but he's there without a diaper on! It's working into one of those vicious cycles where I am tired so I can't put out as much so he acts up more so I get more tired, etc., etc.

Today is my birthday and I just want to cry.......


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## papachee (Feb 18, 2003)

happy birthday









Just think it could be worse, you son could have started that kind of behaviour at 2 and still be at it









Your son sounds a bit like ds recently and we are only 2.


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## queen620 (Jun 9, 2002)

Wow did you just spend a day in my house? My dh and I have been trying to figure out what has happened to our relatively easy going two yearold. (things were really bad between 20mo and around 28, ongoing hearing issues causing delayed speech)

Wehad attributed it to dh working more. HE went from averaging 60+ to av. 80+(and no he doesn't really have a coice to cut back on hours. he is a restaurant manager, and the job market in our area really SUCKS) but even when he gets more one on one time things don't improve.

I feel like my mantra lately has been he will be in preschool in a month. HE will be in preschool in a month. I just need to make it trhough the summer. (I know this makes me sound horrible, but my ds is very social and I think he/myself/and little brother will benefit from him getting away 2-3half days a week. I need a break and to be able to spend time with my two year old.) Sorry to go down my rambling road....









I know many will not like this idea, but it has worked well for us. When my ds throws a tantrum it really upsets my 2yr old and myself. So I have told my ds that he has 1min to cry...I set the timer and if he still wants to cry/wail/scream/thrash he has to do it in his room. 99% of the time he wants to be around us. I ask are you done, or do you want to go to your room? If he wants to go to his room I tell him he can come back when he has calmed down. It just seems his blowouts could go on indefinitely with or without imput from me, but with this method he seems to deal with the upset and then most of the time is able to move on.

I checked a book out of the library about general three year old devolopmental stuff. All I remember is the title "Three Year Old:Friend or Enemy." That has described most of our days lately. He swings from one to the other SOOO quickly.

Also did I mention he has stopped napping unless I am "resting" with him. And he is also getting up almost 2hours earlier. Although on days he doesn't "rest" he will go to bed no later than 8pm. And he just crashes. No crying once I leave.

I have been working through "Raising Your Spirited Child" and have found many of the basic ideas about talking through the emotions to be helpful, even if you wouldn't have considered you child a spirited child before. I also like "How to talk so you kids will listen" the two books are very complementary in their styles of parenting.

How long does this last? And what are the kids like when they come out of this stage? My son turned three in April and things have been wild since then.
Regina


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## siddie (Jan 15, 2003)

I must be there too. I was trying to dress my 3-year old today and decided it would just be easier to go to the zoo and dress one of the monkeys!!!







I love my little monkey!


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## khrisday (Mar 18, 2002)

3 was really hard for us. My dd was 4 in May, and I am so glad she's growing out of it LOL
One of my mantras for 3 yr olds is "pick your battles"
If he's totally potty trained when he's not wearing a diaper- let him go naked. It's summer, and as long as you're not laving the house it shouldn't be a big deal. But shirts that are long on him if it bothers you that much.
The bedtime and hitting is hard. Where does he sleep? Maybe you can gate the top of the stairs, and just let him get up and roam or play while you sleep? You really can't make someone sleep (as much as we want to sometimes), but you do need to get some sleep yourself. Sometimes removing yourself from the battle is the best thing to do.


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## Liz (Mar 8, 2002)

Thanks for all your responses. It does feel better to know I am not alone. Just a few points:

- he doesn't tantrum, he does stuff he knows I don't like and then digs in his heels. Like he took out the broom to help me clean up a mess (I made the mess) which is like the Old DS then he stops himself and drops the broom on the floor and walks away - that's the New DS. Like he's throwing down the gauntlet, ya know? Should I not take the bait?
- the diaper problems happen when I HAVE to diaper him, like before we go out in the morning and before bed.
- I have read "How to talk..." and it is good. I'm looking for "Kids, Parents and Power Struggles" next!
- he still naps at his babysitter's but not at home on weekends. I've wondered if he might need less sleep at night. I might try a later bedtime. With all the fighting he doesn't get to sleep before 10 anyway!

Thanks for the birthday wishes, Papachee!

Now for all our sakes, can we hear from a parent of a charming 2 year old who turned terrible at three and back to charming at 4? Please? Please?


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## untomySelf (Apr 13, 2003)

Liz
hehe um no my fella just turned 3 too so I dont qualify yet! (He has started interesting new stuff I havent seen before too)

I agree with Khrisday, really, pick your battles bc if he is changing internally its a hard time for you both, he wont always be this way you know?
If he drops the broom for exaple, Id shrug and show my disappointment but move on, no expectations (after all I have teenagers here who do that, hell I do that LOL)
What if you didnt diaper him? Maybe he will benefit from having some body awareness and learning about pee and poo and doing it in a loo, on grass etc while you are out?

Just pushing the internal boundaries can help
good luck!


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## Liz (Mar 8, 2002)

I totally agree on the broom thing. He was baiting me and I took it. Next time I will do just as you said, express disappointment but pick it up and move on. The diaper thing is another issue. There are times when he just has to have a diaper on. We live downtown in a busy city and a half naked boy walking down the street just is not acceptable. Plus I have to take him to the babysitters so it's not fair for me to dump a undiapered boy on her, ya know?

I'm about to go upstairs and start the bedtime routine so wish me luck! Notice it is 9:40pm.


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## lukemom (Oct 11, 2002)

oooooh,liz... i'm in the same boat with the added feature of an 8 wk old to boot. no time now but just wanted to give you a virtual hug in case i don't get back for awhile.


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