# what do you do about moms who always brag about their child?



## Beppie (Oct 24, 2005)

I believe that just about every parent thinks their own child is very smart, brilliant, etc. But I've always thought that it's stupid to brag to other parents about your kid, not to mention that it's just annoying to other parents and are going to put them off... who's going to want to hang out with you if you're always talking about how great your child is?

Unfortunately, my SIL fits the bragging category, and it drives me crazy. First of all, her child was born with special needs, but is progressing very nicely. But her bragging about this, that, and the other thing is SO ANNOYING! Maybe it's worse because we have kids that are the same age.

Do I just have to grin and bear it? What do you do about moms who brag? I want to stay nice to her and keep our relationship friendly. But frankly, it drives me up a tree! any ideas are most welcome!


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## tarajean56 (May 2, 2007)

Well, I can't imagine what you could possibly "do" about it that wouldn't be incredibly rude.

I personally would just decide to not be annoyed, and instead share in the joy of her child and all their accomplishments, no matter how mundane. I guess if you really care about someone, you rejoice when they rejoice.

Why does it bother you so much? Do you feel like she's trying to make you feel bad about your own child?


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## Beppie (Oct 24, 2005)

I have no idea what goes on in her mind, of course. But over the years she has said some pretty rude things to me about various things with the message that her way of doing things is better than my way. So when she brags about her child, it seems like one more way of her trying to "one-up" me. I have no idea why. DH thinks that she feels very insecure, perhaps. I don't know.

There are many things my husband and I share between ourselves regarding our pride for our children... for example, isn't it great that dd can do this already, etc., or wow, she figured that out already, etc. I think all parents do that. But in my mind, what is the point in sharing that with others? To make others feel bad about their kids if they weren't doing that at that stage? I mean, really. Of course a mom should feel proud of her child. Every mom should. I take issue with the bragging component. I do feel that part of it is to make me feel bad.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

You wait for them to grow out of it. I had a friend whose DD is a few months older than mine, and bless her, she told me every detail of that girl's life, from the first banana to the first roll, the first step, the cute story about eating cat poop, the works.

I don't call it bragging, though. I call it being a baby bore: because they're not trying to show off (generally), they're sharing the details of their life with you. She'll get her non-mummy brain back soon enough, I promise, and be able to talk about the stuff that normally interests her again. In the meantime, there's always earplugs.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Why do you have to do anything? Just nod politely and smile along.

It's annoying, sure, but she's probably just A) proud and B) insecure. I can imagine with a special needs child she might just want someone else to agree with her that her child is doing well, to set her heart at ease.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I talk about my dd's accomplishments with our family members because I am proud of my dd and I assume that the other people in our loving family are also proud. I am happy to hear about what the other children in my family are doing and what my friends children are doing. I love to share being proud with them. I have never had a friend or family member who didn't spend the first several minutes of our time together updating me on their child. When your SIL shares, I think you should try to share in her joy and make a comment about how great her child's accomplishments are. I have heard that parents with special needs children feel especially isolated and it may be that she is reaching out to share with you because you are her family and she assumes she can reach out to you.

When I am in a no kid mood though I will get together with other people without my dd and I make it clear that I am tired of all things related to children.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I think you do have to grin and bear it.

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me -- even if it seemed to be a competition of sorts.


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Smile, nod and try to change the subject politely.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~LadyBug~* 
Smile, nod and try to change the subject politely.

Maybe she has trouble at home that you can't/don't know about. Maybe this is her way of putting a "good spin" on her families' life.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

It would depend on the mother whether or not it would bother me. For instance, I knew a mom once at a church I used to attend that acted as if her kids were perfect, could do no wrong, they lived in the perfect big house, perfect neighborhood, had the perfect life. That's how the mother projected herself on the outside at all times. She even went as far as to lie about her five yr old child's shoe size one time and said it was about three sizes bigger than it was and I knew because I babysat her a few times and saw her shoe size when I put her shoes on her.







What was the point in lying? It drove me crazy.

But there are also the moms I've known that genuinely have smart kids and live a life similar to my own that I know are not bragging in a way that is rude. There's a difference there and I can usually tell based on the person doing the bragging.


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## signingmamma (Aug 28, 2009)

I do it all the time heck







But not in the rude way really, I just enjoy talking to my friends and family aobut DD and her accomplishments. My sister does the same and my BILS and SILS.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
It would depend on the mother whether or not it would bother me. For instance, I knew a mom once at a church I used to attend that acted as if her kids were perfect, could do no wrong, they lived in the perfect big house, perfect neighborhood, had the perfect life. *That's how the mother projected herself on the outside at all times. She even went as far as to lie about her five yr old child's shoe size one time and said it was about three sizes bigger than it was and I knew because I babysat her a few times and saw her shoe size when I put her shoes on her.*







What was the point in lying? It drove me crazy.

But there are also the moms I've known that genuinely have smart kids and live a life similar to my own that I know are not bragging in a way that is rude. There's a difference there and I can usually tell based on the person doing the bragging.

I have a friend that has done this exact same thing (with the shoe size even!!). And it drives me CRAZY!! She never is interested to hear what my kids are doing, but she will make stuff up just to make it seem liker her children are superior. She will put them in clothes that are too big so she can say they are wearing 'X' size now...even though the clothes are falling off!!
It makes me feel like I can't have an honest conversation with her. Whenever she talks about her kids I wonder if she is lying or not.

OP, I feel your pain. I think people do this out of insecurity. The only way I can deal is to not feed into it...when my friend tells me her 4 year old is doing calculus I just say 'oooh, that is such a neat age, isn't it?'
It discourages the bragging/making sh*t up.


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## pinkshamrocks (Jul 4, 2007)

You know, I really love to hear parents saying wonderful things about their children... could listen to it all day long, quite honestly. I hear far too many parents saying awful things.









I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I think about how much my dad praised even the most simple things I've done over the years. I hope my dds feel the same way someday. They're incredible and I want them to know it. If that makes someone think I'm "bragging"... so be it!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pinkshamrocks* 
You know, I really love to hear parents saying wonderful things about their children... could listen to it all day long, quite honestly. I hear far too many parents saying awful things.









Totally. I love hearing this.
I probably brag too much about dd2. She's the most incredible gift life could have ever given me after Aaron. I just wanted a living, preferably healthy child. I got a healthy, happy, easy, snuggly, wonderful little bundle of sheer love. I don't really mean to brag exactly...I'm just constantly overwhelmed by how wonderful she is. It doesn't mean I think she's better than anyone else's kids, though.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I don't know a lot of moms like that but I guess I also wouldn't notice because if people brag about their kids I just start to brag about mine and we get into a conversation about how our kids are the greatest kids in the whole world and how wonderful they are and how proud we are of them blah blah blah and it's just a love-fest, really.

And then I walk away and I know that we had a fun talk but that all kids are wonderful, and my kid spits in my shoes or whatever, and it's okay, because her kids do, too.

See if you can have fun with it.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pinkshamrocks* 
You know, I really love to hear parents saying wonderful things about their children... could listen to it all day long, quite honestly. I hear far too many parents saying awful things.









<snip>









Yes.
I think that we all enjoy that.


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## SarahElizabeth (Mar 26, 2009)

I nod and smile and TRY to be happy for them. My mother has twins (Sisters of mine) who are a few months younger than DS, and we are BOTH guilty of saying things to upset the other without realising. For example, she was telling me how the twins have just started rolling over and I blurted without thinking "Wow, only just? DS was doing it before then!" and, coming from the other side, her saying "I'm so glad the twins have teeth now. It always kind of creeps me out when babies get past 6 months without them!" and I hung up on her, hahah! I think with us, it just comes from being so open and so used to speaking without really thinking about what we're saying.. So it's kind of a good thing, despite it hurting feelings occasionally.

That's a ramble. My point is, I try to be happy that these parents want to share things with me.


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## Rivka5 (Jul 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I don't know a lot of moms like that but I guess I also wouldn't notice because if people brag about their kids I just start to brag about mine and we get into a conversation about how our kids are the greatest kids in the whole world and how wonderful they are and how proud we are of them blah blah blah and it's just a love-fest, really.

And then I walk away and I know that we had a fun talk but that all kids are wonderful, and my kid spits in my shoes or whatever, and it's okay, because her kids do, too.

Yeah, pretty much this. How sad if we have to watch what we say to other mothers - especially in our own families - so that they don't think we think our kids are all that great.

The OP's SIL has a child born with special needs who is developing really well. Is it wrong for the mom to feel joy and relief about that, and to assume that her family would share her joy? If so, that's really sad to me.


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## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I don't know a lot of moms like that but I guess I also wouldn't notice because if people brag about their kids I just start to brag about mine and we get into a conversation about how our kids are the greatest kids in the whole world and how wonderful they are and how proud we are of them blah blah blah and it's just a love-fest, really.

But see, that is what is missing in a real bragger. There is no conversation about how ALL the kids are so great. It is all about HER child. There is no love-fest.

My SIL is like this and it does get annoying. Of course I'm happy that my niece and nephews are doing well. But when I mentioned something about how my 3 yo was potty training, do I really have to hear how my nephew (who was in 7th grade at that point) was potty trained by 2.5 yo? When one of my babies started walking, was it really necessary to hear how my niece (who was either jr high or high school) started walking at 11 months, earlier than my children? There's no interplay of "Wow, that is so cool he's using the potty now!" and then filling me in on how my nephew is in the marching band or something.

And she's like this with other stuff. Like I mentioned we got new countertops and she had to go on about how she just loves her granite countertops (we couldn't afford granite).

The constant bragging and one-upsmanship gets tiring. And I think if anyone doesn't see that, it's because you haven't been around a true, totally inward focused bragger.

What do I do about it? Well, I don't see my SIL too often. We generally communicate by email. I've also given up saying much of anything about my kids because I can't stand hearing anymore how my niece (who is away at college now) did something better than my kids when she was in kindergarten.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

I have a SIL like this, except her children are 18, 20, and 24. Luckily, most of the updates are via email--I swear, SIL sends out a all-family email if someone takes a crap! Because it's the greatest crap ever, natch.







If I'm forced to hear it in person, I just smile and go to my happy place.

And I have to agree w/ a PP, for my SIL, it isn't about all kids, it's her kids. She's the only one in the family w/ older kids (she got started way early) and the only interest she has in other family member kids is to compare them to her own. "Oh, I had it so much harder, let me tell you about it! Oh, my girls did that too, but a year early! Oh, blah blah blah!"

I also agree w/ a pp that there's really nothing you can do w/o seeming rude. Like I said, I try to smile and zone out and say inane things like "Wow, that's great, isn't it?" Also, I've also learned that w/ this particular SIL that trying to add my own updates leads to frustration b/c she will relentlessly one-up me, even though her child is 14 yrs older! I'll update if she asks, b/c then she's fairly attentive, but IME to try to have a give-and-take conversation about our kids leads to me being frustrated so I don't even try.

Family, what can you do?


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## SweetPotato (Apr 29, 2006)

I agree with a pp who said that, in this case where the child has special needs, the mother may be expressing her extreme relief and joy that the child is progressing well-- at least I think that's how I might feel if I was her. I have a friend with a child who has Downs Syndrome, and I think that a lot of us (friends) are genuinely interested as to how the little girl is doing-- we just have no experience with Downs and we don't know what is "good" progress and we don't want to ask any questions about her development that might seem rude. So I'm always very glad that the mom is so open about coming out and telling us how she's doing- I don't feel like it's "bragging" in a negative, competitive way at all- she's our friend and we all care about this little girl and are delighted to learn about her achievements and excited for the whole family when she exceeds their expectations.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

I just smile and say "that's great!"


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lindberg99* 
The constant bragging and one-upsmanship gets tiring. And I think if anyone doesn't see that, it's because you haven't been around a true, totally inward focused bragger.

I've been around several. I have two in my immediate family. And, honestly...the more I'm exposed to them, the less they bother me. If someone's kid is in junior high, and they still feel a need to brag about when he was potty-trained, I think they're probably not very happy, and I'm inclined to feel sorry for them. I live in the now with my kids as much as I can, and I enjoy that. I enjoy all the things they're doing _now_. I honestly couldn't tell you when dd1 potty-trained (she's 6), let alone when ds1 did. I know he was at least three, just because we moved right around his third birthday, and I remember putting diapers on him in the new place. That's about it. If one of his friends had a parent who was still going on about how young he/she potty trained, I'd really feel bad for her, because I'd think she was missing all the fun.

I do get what you mean. That stuff used to grate on my nerves. It just doesn't bother me, anymore. I actually came close to having a giggle fit the last time I was on the listening end of it, because it's just so ridiculous.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pinkshamrocks* 
You know, I really love to hear parents saying wonderful things about their children... could listen to it all day long, quite honestly. I hear far too many parents saying awful things.









I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I think about how much my dad praised even the most simple things I've done over the years. I hope my dds feel the same way someday. They're incredible and I want them to know it. If that makes someone think I'm "bragging"... so be it!









Aww, I love this!! And OP, as the Mom of a special needs child, let me tell you that it really is exciting when they hit milestones and are doing well. Just smile and let her brag. I always thought family was the safe place to do that! I mean, I wont go tell other Mom's in ds's class how all of his teachers are blown away by his intelligence - but you can sure bet I'll tell my Mom, Dad, sisters, etc. And thank goodness for me, they love to hear me brag.









I'd let this one go, big time.


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## jenners26 (Mar 16, 2008)

I have an aunt like this. Her daughter's child is a month younger than my daughter, and she's CONSTANTLY comparing the two of them. And it gets OLD fast. I usually just gently tease with something along the lines of "Walking at 11 months...really? I'll make sure I jot that down in the baby book I'm keeping for her child!"


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

Uggg. Bragging is such a difficult thing to live with.







I do think that the "nod and smile" is the best means of dealing with it- and offering support and praise over the high needs kiddo, but you might try to use the bean dip method too- after a while of bragging. "Wow, I'm so happy the kids are doing so well. Would you like some tea?" and keep offering something to change the atmosphere in the room. I've had to let a person in my life just ramble on and on and then finally say "I'm so happy things are going well! Enough about all the kids- did you see that there is a concert in the park this week? Are you going?" and just change it yourself.

I have a SIL and Brother that I don't talk to. Anyway- When I moved into the area SIL was over and I said "Just so we are clear I am not into comparing kids. I don't like that, and I won't do that. All kids are different and special. So, please no comparing." She said of course not. Because "All kids are great, but mine are the greatest ever." or "I'm not comparing, because there is no comparing to DD" and they were serious! Yeah, that really set the tone for our relationship. After I wrote them out of my life permanetly (long story) I found out from dear friends that SIL and BRO are still bragging to anyone. They told life long friends that "DD is the smartest kid I've ever known. Smartest in her class, smartest in the grade.She's so super smart.Her teacher thinks she is the smartest PRESCHOOLER she's ever had" And dear friends were really hurt by this, they had kids the same age as well. Dear Friend ended up just leaving the room. It breaks my heart, because they hurt other people, but also because they have 2 kids, and their DD1 can do no wrong, and DD2 is a pain in the a**























I know that there is a time and place for bragging. I hope that OP makes special time to ASK about the kids and their lives. Then try to move on with the conversation. If you can't think "I'm a DUCK, I'm a DUCK. All of this rolls right off my back. I'm a DUCK." lol- it's what saved my sanity with MY SIL and BRO.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dubfam* 
She will put them in clothes that are too big so she can say they are wearing 'X' size now...even though the clothes are falling off!!
.

Good grief why do moms do this with stuff like clothing size and diapers????
Seriously, I know mothers with babies my sons age that are almost his same weight/height yet they are putting them in size 2T?!







(my DS is almost 1). It's almost like they are pushing them out of sizes when they clearly do not need to go up. Me, I want my baby to STAY a baby for as long as possible









OP--I hear you. As a first time mom, I KNOW the possibility of being a complete bore to some. That is why I wait until being asked to speak of my son and while I do speak proudly, I try to tone down the whole "mommy competition" thing.


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## Marylizah (Jun 17, 2005)

I would just rejoice with her at her child's accomplishments and let the competitiveness slide off my back.

She may be insecure, unhappy, deeply worried about her child. And while it seems obnoxious to you, you have the choice to not let it bug you. And if you can't sincerely be happy with her (and I understand that it can get really old!) you can just smile and nod.


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## moaningminny (Dec 31, 2007)

Quote:

Good grief why do moms do this with stuff like clothing size and diapers????
Seriously, I know mothers with babies my sons age that are almost his same weight/height yet they are putting them in size 2T?! (my DS is almost 1). It's almost like they are pushing them out of sizes when they clearly do not need to go up. Me, I want my baby to STAY a baby for as long as possible
I do this - not because I'm trying to push them into sizes that they don't need to go up to, but because they are able to get a lot more wear out of the clothes.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Latte Mama* 
Good grief why do moms do this with stuff like clothing size and diapers????
Seriously, I know mothers with babies my sons age that are almost his same weight/height yet they are putting them in size 2T?!







(my DS is almost 1). It's almost like they are pushing them out of sizes when they clearly do not need to go up. Me, I want my baby to STAY a baby for as long as possible









I'm using sposies right now, so I'm keeping dd2 in the smallest size I can. The size 1s give me 84 diapers, and I get 74 of the next size for the same price. No brainer, imo.

I did have someone once insist that her son couldn't borrow one of my cloth diapers, because there was "no way" it could fit him. She tried it on _over_ his sposie and did it up, then took it off, saying, "see - it's just not big enough". She has a huge emotional investment in having big kids (they are big, too), but she also has a "thing" about cloth diapers. So, her boy had to go home in a dirty diaper, because she "couldn't" change him. I don't get that at all. I don't get any of it. I suspect dd1 will be the smallest of the kids in this generation of my family. Who the heck _cares_?


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moaningminny* 
I do this - not because I'm trying to push them into sizes that they don't need to go up to, but because they are able to get a lot more wear out of the clothes.

me too


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moaningminny* 
I do this - not because I'm trying to push them into sizes that they don't need to go up to, but because they are able to get a lot more wear out of the clothes.

THAT I can understand. I doubt you brag about what size clothes your lo wears, right?

Because my friend puts her kid in clothes that are several sizes too big, and then goes on and on about how he wears the same size clothes as my son, who is older by nearly 2 years, she'll say they are the same body size. There is seriously an implication that my son is small and it is said negatively. My son is big for his age so is hers, but her son is smaller than mine and it is obvious. The whole thing is just weird. It is stupid and it irritates me. But I am not gonna argue with her either. I just smile and nod.








I mean, even if my son WAS the same size as her kid (or smaller) why would it even matter???


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## signingmamma (Aug 28, 2009)

Um, I don't know why, the hard feelings. Yep, it's annoying when parents do it, I personally like listen to the accomplishments of other kiddos, without exaggeration of course. But seriously, let them do it. Whatever, I don't really care I just let it rest.

I "rag" aout my DD achievments, I say what an amazing little person she is, how proud she makes DH and I feel, how mature she is for her age. And all the little things she does that make us proud.
And I agree with the mamma that said that if they think I'm bragging, so be it LOL!

My mom is always bragging to people about her grandchildren, about my nieces and my DD. Jeez, she brags about little Santiago and he's not even born yet, you know. He's a kicker and all


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *signingmamma* 
Um, I don't know why, the hard feelings. Yep, it's annoying when parents do it, I personally like listen to the accomplishments of other kiddos, without exaggeration of course. But seriously, let them do it. Whatever, I don't really care I just let it rest.

I "rag" aout my DD achievments, I say what an amazing little person she is, how proud she makes DH and I feel, how mature she is for her age. And all the little things she does that make us proud.
And I agree with the mamma that said that if they think I'm bragging, so be it LOL!

My mom is always bragging to people about her grandchildren, about my nieces and my DD. Jeez, she brags about little Santiago and he's not even born yet, you know. He's a kicker and all









BUT it is very draining when someone close to you does this CONSTANTLY. It is practically a toxic behavior. It is very difficult to ignore it because it is aggressive bragging. In other words, my child has to be less so hers can be more. So she has to put my son down in order to make her son seem better.

That is different from just being excited about your kids and doing the normal 'bragging'. I really feel like people are talking about 2 different things on this thread.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moaningminny* 
I do this - not because I'm trying to push them into sizes that they don't need to go up to, but because they are able to get a lot more wear out of the clothes.

I did that, too.

BUt then, in all fairness, I didn't go around telling people what size clothes my kid wears. At most, if it came up, I'd tell the truth- it depends on the brand!

Maybe we are talking about different things. However, I also think it depends on perception. Not to say your perception isn't valid, but I know my mom (who I think is very insecure, though wonderful) often thinks people are bragging when I interpret what they are saying as totally normal conversation. She takes it as one-upmanship and I might think, they are just batting the ball back so to speak. And also, I have to say, my mom is the WORST bragger. The. Worst. She kind of over-emphasizes in her own head what our kids do and then just blabs about it to perfect strangers.

And then comes home and complains that so-and-so thinks her grandchildren are the cutest ever when really they're not.







:


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Have you tried actively listening to your SIL when she talks about her child? I say this without an ounce of snarkiness, as this is a path I am taking myself down. In the past, I haven't truly practiced meeting a person where s/he is, and I have many regrets where this is concerned. Sure, it can become boring to listen to someone brag, but since this is your SIL, and your niece/nephew, there is potentially much to be gained by being there to validate her feelings and truly hear her.

I'm finding that my general happiness is increasing as I recognize the fact that not everyone in my life can practice reciprocal validation. There are people in my life who share the joys of the character and beauty and accomplishments of my children, people who share the joy of my artistic endeavors, people who share the joy of my overall achievements, and so forth, and they don't need to be the same person. I don't need the mail man to believe that my children are wonderful, but he may need someone, anyone, to take a moment and acknowledge that his are. As long as you have someone else in your life who will listen to you when you want to share your joys, then you can wholeheartedly be that person for someone else.

Sometimes, once a person truly feels that his/her joy has been shared, they don't need to talk it to death. If it begins to feel like she's going on and on with no end in sight, then it may be time to pass the bean dip, as someone else suggested. In that case, she may need help expanding her topics of conversation.

GL!


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## Marylizah (Jun 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *theatermom* 
Have you tried actively listening to your SIL when she talks about her child? I say this without an ounce of snarkiness, as this is a path I am taking myself down. In the past, I haven't truly practiced meeting a person where s/he is, and I have many regrets where this is concerned. Sure, it can become boring to listen to someone brag, but since this is your SIL, and your niece/nephew, there is potentially much to be gained by being there to validate her feelings and truly hear her.

I'm finding that my general happiness is increasing as I recognize the fact that not everyone in my life can practice reciprocal validation. There are people in my life who share the joys of the character and beauty and accomplishments of my children, people who share the joy of my artistic endeavors, people who share the joy of my overall achievements, and so forth, and they don't need to be the same person. I don't need the mail man to believe that my children are wonderful, but he may need someone, anyone, to take a moment and acknowledge that his are. As long as you have someone else in your life who will listen to you when you want to share your joys, then you can wholeheartedly be that person for someone else.

Sometimes, once a person truly feels that his/her joy has been shared, they don't need to talk it to death. If it begins to feel like she's going on and on with no end in sight, then it may be time to pass the bean dip, as someone else suggested. In that case, she may need help expanding her topics of conversation.

GL!

YES! Exactly what I was trying to say. Sincerely being happy for someone who is "bragging" and genuinely sharing their joy is a much pleasanter way to deal with braggers, and I've found it helps them, too.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

my cousin-in-law has been guilty of obnoxious bragging- though we only see her every year or so, which makes it easier to smile, nod and slowly escape









"OMG! E already has her own cell! and she's only eight! and she's sooooo responsible!"

it's almost a family joke at this point









with friends who do this... I try to keep the peace, though I do call them less often than I call my other mamas.

In your situation, I would just suck it up and try to stay positive. Caring for a special needs child is truely difficult, heart-breaking and emotional experience that deserves a world of compassion.
If sharing these things with you makes your sister-in-law's life a little easier then let her, and appreciate the value of the gift that you are giving to her.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I would try to understand how it feels to be the mother of a child with special needs, and really work hard to share her joy, pride, relief, or whatever other emotion she must feel about each accomplishment of her child.

If your child has not faced the same challenges as her's, you have not walked her walk, and you most likely cannot understand the emotional challenges that she has faced.

Try to have empathy for her, and share her joy and relief, rather than dismiss it as 'her kid is now doing well, so the special needs are therefore no longer a factor in her life.' I can assure you that this is not how it is to a mother of a child with special needs.

Maybe if you try to really enjoy her pride and her joy, it will feel less irritating to you to listen to her.

HTH


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## ShyDaisi (Jan 22, 2007)

I could see myself being seen as a braggart about my son. Not that I do go around bragging about him on purpose, but it is seriously THE only thing going on in my life that I can talk about that is positive -- and usually the only thing at all. My job is boring and monotonous, I don't have any close friends, no family close, I don't go out and do anything, so if I am not at work, I am with my son -- anything that I could talk about would include him. In social situations, I find it hard to come up with anything else to talk about, so if someone else mentions something that their child does, I will either agree that my child has done the same thing or something similar or the opposite, or I will use it as a jumping point for something wild and crazy or cute that he did the other day just to perpetuate the conversation. Not bragging just sharing...


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## Quinalla (May 23, 2005)

Grin and bear it yes and respond with the minimum effort then try to change the subject


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShyDaisi* 
I could see myself being seen as a braggart about my son. Not that I do go around bragging about him on purpose, but it is seriously THE only thing going on in my life that I can talk about that is positive --

Oh, yeah - I hadn't even thought to mention this. I'm sure I bragged about ds1 way too much when he was little. My life was a nightmare, and ds1 was the only bright spot in it. Every positive thing he did, and every accomplishment of his, took on _huge_ importance. When talking to people, I could bitch about my nightmare job (and I did) or bitch about my nightmare marriage (and I did), or talk about ds1. I think most people were actually relieved when I went into bragging mode, because it was a break from my relentless negativity about everything else.


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## pinkshamrocks (Jul 4, 2007)

I'll pop back in and say that I think being secure with your own situation makes it much easier to accept someone else's bragging - about whatever... children, home size, salary, etc...

I guess that's why it doesn't bother me at all when a parent says wonderful things about their child - even things others might perceive as "bragging". I am completely happy and secure that I'm doing the best I can for my child (though always open to improvement, mind you), so I'm not in competition in any way shape or form with anyone else - even if they might see it that way, I don't... so, it doesn't bother me.

Only I define my own reality.


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## Catubodua (Apr 21, 2008)

I've always thought it was more a symptom of being too wrapped up in your own life. We've all had friends who were incessant about a new boyfriend or their wedding planning or whatever.

Many times unless you are in the exact same place in your life as the person telling stories they come off as bores.


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## crl (May 9, 2004)

I just wanted to echo the posters who pointed out that the special needs may be playing a role, especially if the child is doing really well. DS is special needs. It can be hard to find someone to talk to about him. Parents of typically developing kids don't get why I was thrilled when he was potty-trained at 3 1/2. Yet talking about DS' progress with other special needs parents can be like rubbing salt in their wounds. So I talk to family. No one else in our family has a kid DS' age or with special needs so I feel like they aren't comparing him to their kids either way, but they are interested in him. . . .

Catherine


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## Pearpear (Sep 28, 2011)

Ppl that brag about their child are annoying as hell. I know exactly how u feel. Those ppl are definitely insecure, so by them bragging about their child makes them feel good about themselves.


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## Adia (Oct 13, 2011)

I'd just smile and nod. It's most likely that she's doing it because she's either very insecure and needs her child's minor accomplishments to make her feel impressive, some parents seem to want to live vicariously through their kids, or else she's very lonely and doesn't have other parents to talk to very often, adn when she has you, it all just has to come out.

Either way, there's no use calling her out on it. Just grin and bear it, or try to take her in short bursts if you can so that you don't get frustrated.


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

Can someone define exactly what bragging means? I mean, I think we all stand around talking about the positive aspects of parenting (talking about the negative somehow throws you into a category of angry mom/person with issues).

Yeah, I brag about my DD. She's an awesome kid (not due to anything me or DH have done...she's just an interesting person). Oh whoops! I'm bragging.

The flip side is that I could complain constantly about the difficult times, and believe me, there are plenty.

What constitutes actual bragging? Is is: "My kid read Dickens by three years" or is it "My kid is so smart." I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt because their child is the thing their life revolves around. Talking about your kids' perceived successes gives you confirmation that perhaps you are doing something right? There is nothing more insecure than parenting. Especially when there is so much data/information/unsolicited advice that you are doing everything WRONG.


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## DoctorJT (Jan 8, 2014)

It's natural to feel proud of your child's achievements but bragging in general is a boring and obnoxious behavior. Somehow, though, parents don't always apply that knowledge to talking about their children. Nonetheless, it's bragging and even a way to brag about your own competences as a parent in a round-about way.

When parents brag, it's best to avoid any impulse to follow that up with your own child's achievements. You don't want to reinforce a pattern of communicating that you find un appealing, even if you get a competitive urge. It's better to say something like, "that's great," and move quickly away from the topic.

Another strategy that often works is to get together with other parents with a "no kid talk" understanding. Parents need time to separate their role as a parent from who they are and what they enjoy as people.

I am a big believer in speaking with a friend honestly about my feelings but I think, in this case, it's important to keep in mind that the word, "bragging" has a pretty big stigma and emotional load that goes along with it. I would be inclined to steer clear of too direct a reference to the behavior and, rather, emphasize what you really enjoy talking about with the other parent. And if the parent is simply an acquaintance, I would likely steer clear of them when possible.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

'Bragging' is subjective though. Here's an example. A friend of mine met us with her two daughters, one was wearing bright pink socks which i thought were cute, and i said so. It instinctive for me to voice a positive impression i might have of someone i see- as a way of making conversation.

Thats not bragging, because its not my child. But later, when i put hats on my own two kids, i said ' they look so cute with their hats on ' to my friend. Only later, did i reflect that she may have thought i was bragging. A case could be made for or against it. Im not the bragging type, but OTOH, i think its ok to voice a positive feeling or observation about your own child as much as anyone else's.

So i think it is subjective. Some people are more bothered by bragging than others too.

I think it qualifies as bragging when you talk about your child's positive traits at the expense of any interest of the other parents child.

(i havent read the thread or the original post so forgive me if im completely off point, but the title drew me in as i was reflecting on this)


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

For the most part, it doesn't bug me. I'm interested in the accomplishments of my friends' kids, and I don't take it as a personal slight when they mention cool stuff about their kids.

I guess if they knew that my child were struggling in a particular area, then it'd be rude of them to go on and on about how wonderful their child is in that area, but even with that, a casual mention here and there of their child's progress wouldn't bug me.


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

" I bet mykid can read faster than your kids!" " my kid is the smartest and best" I consider this bragging IMO.
My ds has so many accomplishments and I am so proud of him I hold it all in so it does not seem like I am bragging to other parents and I hate that I feel like that. But I am a very humble person and keep my accomplishments to myself too, always afraid someone would think I was bragging . So I guess it does has something to do with how secure a person feels about themselves. Whether they are receiving the info or telling the info. In my case not telling.
I love the dialogue you all are having


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

If someone does this incessantly, then I (rightly or wrongly) assume that they really don't have much going on in their own life if it's all they can or are willing to talk about. And you know, I think most of us go through that season in our lives at least once.

It makes it easier for me to smile and nod, probably because I remember being in that place where I literally had NOTHING of value that *I* thought I could contribute to any sort of conversation beyond kids. It's a hard place to be in. Then again, I am not a competitive person so it doesn't trigger me to think "oh yeah? what about MY kid?".

And I'd rather hear "bragging" about kids, to be honest, even if it's embellishment than the folks who do reverse bragging, also known as "oh-yeah-you-think-that-was-bad-here's-what-happened-to-me..." constant one-upsmanship.


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