# Surprise pregnancies ending in loss



## goodheartedmama (Feb 1, 2007)

I'm having a really hard time with my feelings involving my loss. The pregnancy was not planned. In fact, I was to get an IUD when my period started. However, we were ecstatic about it, despite the bad timing. I'm now in denial about what's going on. Overall, I'm handling it well, but inside I just want to lay in my bed and cry for days. I have a baby that I will never hold, never kiss, never see them grow into lovely adults like my other children.

We just found out yesterday, and we have such a rush of emotions surrounding the whole situation. We're both in "baby" mode now. We want one now--having this pregnancy showed us how much we want a baby now, despite the fact that we want to save to buy a house, we want to be in a better place financially. That's pretty much all that was holding us back, but we had goals we were going to meet before we decided to TTC #3. There were times we didn't know if we'd have a third at all, but we recently decided we did, just not for a couple of years.

Anyway, we're both wanting to jump at having another child. Obviously we're going to wait a few months, and we don't have to make a decision today. I know the feelings are probably related to the excitement we had when we found out our family was expanding. Perhaps it's a way to try to cope with the hurt.

I'm just looking for others who have felt the same thing. The pregnancy and loss totally has us re-evaluating our lives and what's important.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

Sorry for your loss.









My unplanned pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Unplanned, but definitely not unwanted. It also made me realize how important havings kids is to me.


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## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss









I also had an unplanned pregnancy that ended in m/c.

because the pregnancy was unplanned and at a really bad time, I had/have a lot of guilt that if I had "just wanted it more" things would have turned out differently







I know it doesn't work that way, but it still eats at me. I had just gotten used to and excited about the idea of having a baby. you know the saying you don't really know you want something until it's gone? that's true in my case.

we won't be ttc for a few years though, now is still a bad time.


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## goodheartedmama (Feb 1, 2007)

Quote:

because the pregnancy was unplanned and at a really bad time, I had/have a lot of guilt that if I had "just wanted it more" things would have turned out differently I know it doesn't work that way, but it still eats at me. I had just gotten used to and excited about the idea of having a baby. you know the saying you don't really know you want something until it's gone? that's true in my case.
Wow, that is totally how I feel. I felt like me saying that we wouldn't be able to do this or that...it made me lose the baby. I know that's not true, but the thought occurs in my mind. We weren't in a home, we had plans for the summer, silly little things really. Things that would work themselves out in the long run. I feel silly that I focused on those so much.


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## jessicasocean (Mar 21, 2008)

Erin, I could have written your post! I toyed around with the thought of having another child, but my youngest was starting kindergarden, and the whole baby thing scared me. Then I found out that someome else had bigger plans for me. I thought it was a bittersweet, my friend was having a baby and at least there would be someone to lug around a diaper bag with! And she and I were pregnant at the same time with our daughters, so it was comforting. Now I see her little boy and it makes me sad, I miss my little man soooo much. He was the first grandson, and nephew. My family joked that we should have named him King, because that is how he would have been treated. Everyday seems to be getting a little bit easier to deal, but I am still a mess inside. I want to try to have another, but right now I am bringing legal charges against my former OB, and the stress would not be good for the new little bambino.


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *texaspeach* 
because the pregnancy was unplanned and at a really bad time, I had/have a lot of guilt that if I had "just wanted it more" things would have turned out differently







I know it doesn't work that way, but it still eats at me. I had just gotten used to and excited about the idea of having a baby. you know the saying you don't really know you want something until it's gone? that's true in my case.

.

I could have written this. Our pregnancy was also unplanned and we'd planned to do something permanent right around the time we found out we were pregnant. I have tremendous guilt and I want another child now more than ever. Such complicated feelings.

OP -- I'm so sorry for your loss. I think there are many of us here who can relate to the feelings you have described.


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## jaclyn7 (Jun 9, 2005)

I think I could've written your post, too.

My moments of uncertainty when I got my BFP, my unwillingness and inability to share the news with the same joy and glee as my husband and the rest of my family, all of it eats away me every now and then if I let it.

Honestly though, it was unplanned but not unloved and that's what I try and focus on. I too am going to wait quite a bit before trying, I'm just not ready and I do feel I owe myself a little more certainty the next time around, but its hard. I miss my baby, I ache for another one and as we don't have any other children, I feel people look at me and just assume I don't want any, when I do and I hate that.


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

so happy to see this thread! mine was a surprise too (I never had a pp period after dd)... it seems like just when I truly accepted the fact that I was pg & was really bonding with & loving my baby, I lost him


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss. My pregnancy was unplanned as well, and I was so upset in the begining. Then slowly, I got really excited. I started thinking about all the wonderful things about having 4 children instead of just thinking about how hard it was gong to be have to get them all in the car, go shopping, etc. Then at 16 weeks, there was no heartbeat. I felt so guilty, like it was my fault for not wanting her more. It's been 3 years now, and I can honestly tell you, the guilt part has passed. I know it just happened because it happened, but at the time, the guilt and wanting answers and examing every little thing I did in the days leading up to her death tore me up inside. Give yourself time to grieve and heal.


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## nursinmama (Jan 6, 2008)

Wow - I just wrote a post about my surprise pg & my loss. I really didn't know I would be so devastated. Big







s to you mama. May our hearts feel better soon.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *goodheartedmama* 
Overall, I'm handling it well, but inside I just want to lay in my bed and cry for days. I have a baby that I will never hold, never kiss, never see them grow into lovely adults like my other children.

This is exactly how I feel, and I just can't deal with it. Dh is done having kids, and it breaks my heart. I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to chime in that, I, too, get where you're coming from.


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## momtokimari (Mar 8, 2008)

I just had a mc... and I didn't even know I was pregnant. I don't know how to feel. I've been using bc so it wasn't planned. It wasn't unwanted by any means, I can't wait to start trying for my next child.... but I just don't know how to deal with it. I thought I was having a bad period and... I lost a baby I didn't know was there.


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