# Consequences for spitting on people?



## Bonawich (Jul 1, 2004)

I need some suggested consequences for my DS, 3 1/2 who loves to spit on things, including people. We don't physically punish and I'd rather not do timeouts, but my DH is insisting on doing something. When we are out and about and he spits on someone I usually say "People don't like to be spit on and don't want to be around people who spit" and we will leave after a couple of times if he doesn't listen. I'm wondering about strategies around the house when he spits on us. I've been hoping this is a phase (and part of me still believes that it is), but it is going on too long (4 months now) and my DH is fed up and wants to start timeouts. I'm not convinced that timeouts will work for my son, nor that they are the right thing to do, but need some ideas. Thanks in advance!


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## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

Ewwww. This would bother me a lot! It seems just about as disrespectful as it can get. However, I have to ask, why is your ds spitting? And I'm correct that he is not just spitting on the ground, but on people? (eww, again.) Does he think it's funny? Is he enjoying the reaction? Is he angry with people he is spitting on? Is he frustrated?

Rather than trying to think of consequences, I would focus on your ds and his reasons for doing this. Not always easy to figure out, I know. I can understand your dh's frustration and his need to "do something." So what does your ds say about this? Have you asked him why?

(Sorry, I know I didn't actually offer any suggestions.)

ETA: I just looked at your sig and see that you are expecting. I only have one, but as far as I've read here, people often have difficulties with their little ones when a new little one is on the way. Hopefully someone can come here and offer you some suggestions in that regard.


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## astrophe27 (Aug 27, 2007)

Can you redirect?

Get him a spittoon and have him target practice there with his spitting rather than on other people/things?

Or only have him spit watermelon seeds to see how far they go?

A.


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## MPJJJ (Oct 24, 2003)

Is he actually spitting (like hocking a lugie (sp?)) or just blowing raspberries at people? Because my son is your son's age, and he is all into blowing raspberries at people (sometimes we accidently do recieve some spit). There's a difference, IMO.

We have been dealing with it by immediately taking DS to his room, telling him we dont want to be around people who spit at us, and shut the door. He will sit on his bed and cry for a few minutes until we come back up (he can open the door, he just wants us to come get him.) So far we have gone from constantly spat at to having it happen only about once a day.


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## Pastrydemon (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MPJJJ* 
We have been dealing with it by immediately taking DS to his room, telling him we dont want to be around people who spit at us, and shut the door. He will sit on his bed and cry for a few minutes until we come back up (he can open the door, he just wants us to come get him.

Exactly what we do. Stopped it almost immediately. Spitting is a zero-tolerence behavior in our house.


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## LilyGrace (Jun 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bonawich* 
When we are out and about and he spits on someone I usually say "People don't like to be spit on and don't want to be around people who spit" and *we will leave after a couple of times* if he doesn't listen.

Leave immediately. People don't like to be spit on. Period. They don't want to be around someone who spits. Period. Not, they don't want to be around someone who spits 3-4 times and then leaves. Just, spitting is not allowed here, we are leaving. If you want to spit, here is the toilet/sink to spit in.


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## annekevdbroek (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LilyGrace* 
Leave immediately. People don't like to be spit on. Period. They don't want to be around someone who spits. Period. Not, they don't want to be around someone who spits 3-4 times and then leaves. Just, spitting is not allowed here, we are leaving. If you want to spit, here is the toilet/sink to spit in.


I agree. Spitting (by which I think you mean intentionally spitting on someone, not just making raspberries) is a zero-tolerance behavior around here. If you let it go 3 or 4 times it seems as if it is "ok," KWIM? Also look into possible triggers or offering alternative behavior, along with immediate departure, of course.


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## Jenne (May 21, 2004)

Not a mama yet, but I had a student who was a spitter. After dealing with it every which way we knew how--from talking to time out to doing research on saliva-- we implemented a plan where the kid was told the next time he spit on someone (this was real spitting not raspberries which I agree is different) he would be given a dixie cup (the little kind) he would need to fill with spit. Of course, he spit on someone and so then was given a dixie cup. He was REALLY tired of spitting by the time it was full. For the next few weeks all the teachers carried dixie cups and they were placed around strategically to help him remember. He never did spit on anyone again.

I realize the above is a punishment. It is also overcorrection. In our case it worked well. I wanted to offer an idea. It may or may not be a good choice for you. Good luck!

Jenne


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## kkeris (Oct 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *astrophe27* 
Can you redirect?

Get him a spittoon and have him target practice there with his spitting rather than on other people/things?

Or only have him spit watermelon seeds to see how far they go?

A.

The above. In addition, I would make it clear in a gentle buy VERY firm tone that spitting is not acceptable at all. Could you bring him to the bathroom to spit in the sink/toilet bowl whenever he need to spit? If that is not possible, *I* would just finish my business and get him home asap, unless of course, he agrees to stop. This, to me, is not considered punishment. (To me, punishment would be like "if you spit one more time, you'll go home immediately no matter what" and to carry it out out even if he has agreed to stop)


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## carfreemama (Jun 13, 2007)

We are going through this with my 3.5 yo dd. It happened last at the library on Saturday. Something happened that she didn't like with a good friend (he wanted to play with something she decided she wasn't finished with--happened so fast, the moment was a blur). I brought her to a couch a few feet away and told her spitting isn't acceptable and she did it again, twice, within a few seconds. We got up and left, without our books, and went straight home.

Now, these WERE 'raspberrries,' as in, they weren't the ball-up-the-spit-in-your-mouth and actually SPIT on someone kind. But they WERE very clearly directed at (maybe on) the target person, which by that time was me and her friend. But it's the attitude that went with it, just so hateful-seeming. I don't know what to do. We really don't do time-outs or anything, but we have told dd on this one that, if she spits in a given situation, we will leave the first time. This is the first situation I feel we have to do this in. Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out the triggers and could even identify where I should have intervened earlier in the above situation. But still. And I have the whole husband issue too. He sees her spitting as "an obvious failure of our parenting" and thinks we need to "reign in." But she's a great little girl who's just having a few impulse-control problems. So we'll work on other ways of expressing feelings and all that, but i would have felt ridiculous sitting there saying, "now dd, you know we don't spit, what else could you do instead' while she's sitting there spitting. I do think a few 'we're leaving right now's' will work with her and I don't think it'll damage her. Good luck.


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## maryjane (Jul 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annekevdbroek* 
I agree. Spitting (by which I think you mean intentionally spitting on someone, not just making raspberries) is a zero-tolerance behavior around here. If you let it go 3 or 4 times it seems as if it is "ok," KWIM? Also look into possible triggers or offering alternative behavior, along with immediate departure, of course.

ITA!

I think a warning and redirection is fine for a younger toddler, but w/ a typical 3.5 yo, I think leaving immediately is the best course of action. I approach it the same way I would with hitting at this age.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LilyGrace* 
Leave immediately. People don't like to be spit on. Period. They don't want to be around someone who spits. Period. Not, they don't want to be around someone who spits 3-4 times and then leaves. Just, spitting is not allowed here, we are leaving. If you want to spit, here is the toilet/sink to spit in.

That, plus when you're spat on, you leave because people don't want to be spat on. Just go into another room or something, but definitely show him this is not something I want to happen to me and I won't stand here and let it happen to me.


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## greenmansions (Feb 16, 2005)

My DS is 3.5 also, and has been on a spitting jag for at least 2 months now, maybe longer. (it sure seems longer.)

We have not figured out what to do about it yet, and it usually happens at home when DS is upset about something he has been told to do (give a toy back to his sister, don't kick people, go wash his hands before eating, have a diaper change, the list goes on.) We have tried putting him in his room for awhile alone but with books etc, putting him in his room and staying with him, just leaving the place where he is.

One thing that worked for a few days was to tell him that he wasn't doing as a good a job spitting as he used to, can't he spit louder/harder/wetter - whatever - and get him to keep going. Kind of took the novelty away for awhile, but now he's started up again. I really think it's become like a little habitual response and he's having a hard time breaking the habit.


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