# Reward for potty use?



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

OK, I'm having a little trouble here. DS pees in the toilet all the time now. It was something he decided to do on his own. The problem is he doesn't want to poop in it. Today he sat on the toilet (willingly) for quite a long time, but no poop. Then about half an hour later, he pooped in his pants. I'm *fairly* certain he can tell when he needs to poop. I just think he has some reluctance to do it in the toilet, for some reason.

So. I'd really like to do something to help this situation. I have considered using rewards, like stickers or jelly beans or something, to encourage him to poop in the toilet. This bothers me because I have never used a reward system for anything with him, ever before. It seems strange to me to do it now. But I'm not sure what else to do. I guess my only other option is to just leave it alone and let him decide to do it himself, like he did with the pee. But I really hate changing his poopy underwear, yk?







Also, he doesn't really seem all that comfortable pooping in his underwear, so it's not like he really *prefers* that. It's like he doesn't like any of his options, lol. I have suggested he might want to put on a diaper when he needs to poop, but he doesn't want to do that either.

So. I know this isn't really a *discipline* issue, but the fact that I am considering resorting to rewards kind of bothers me. I know it wouldn't really be that bad but I've never done it before and I don't really want to start now, yk?


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## writermommy (Jan 29, 2005)

I am in no way a reward giving mom. I worked in enough schools to know it doesn't work. The best behaved students I ever saw were in a school where these rewards were not used at all. I have one exception to this rule, pooping on the potty. Both my older girls went pee easily, but had trouble with this. They don't understand that you need to sit there a while and they would both get impatient and get up too soon. I offered my oldest a trip to the toystore to choose one item. Luckily, my kids chose something in the $10 range. Within a day or two she sat long enough to go. We got the toy and that was it. SHe was trained after that with no more accidents. I did the exact same thing with DD #2 with the same results. THey were both literally trained within two days.

I know some moms will criticize this method because it involves a "bribe", but it did work for my girls with no negative effects. We haven't tried it with DD #3 yet because she has no interest and has told us she doesn't want to go. I will do this with her too because after the others were bored with the stories, songs, watching the potty video this gave them the incentive to sit long enough to go.

You are probably right that your ds knows when he has to go. My girls would sit down when they got the feeling, but getting them to stay was the problem. During the years I spent as Director of a preschool, I saw many children potty trained and this issue is common. Most kids take longer learning to poop on the toilet. I found that once my girls understood that you need to sit there and relax, this was no longer an issue. Promising a toy got us there faster and that was worth it to me. I also took them to K Mart and let them pick out fancy panties when they were finished with training pants. I don't consider this a bribe because my girls normally come shopping for clothing with me. If anything, they got the intrinsic feeling of being a "big girl"


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

like writermom, i too am a no rewards kind of mama. but iwe did talk about doing something special to *celebrate* certain potty milestones. for her first pee on her potty we went for ice cream, her choice. for her first poop on the potty she asked for playdoh. i figure if we call it a celebration it doesn't send the message that this was a reward, but hey...maybe i'm kidding myself.







:


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## AnnasMominPA (Jan 13, 2005)

I tried rewards (stickers) off and on during potty training but the rewards system wasn't too successful.

What worked for us was allowing her to blow bubbles while sitting on the the potty. Normally I don't allow bubble blowing in the house just outside. I came up with the idea of using bubbles after reading the bubble blowing can be used to teach slow deep breaths. Since my DD was tensing up while sitting on the potty to poop I though allowing her to blow bubbles would help her to learn to take slow deep breaths and make the process easier. If we weren't home she could blow pretend bubbles which I would pretend they hit the wall or they would hit me and knock me over which she thought was funny. She is now potty trained and we don't really use the bubbles anymore.

I'm not sure if bubbles would be considered a reward or not. It might be seen that way but for me it was more of a way to teach a useful skill.

Angela


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## Losgann (Jun 24, 2004)

We used stickers in a little fat notebook for my dd at 2 1/2. She *loved* it. We picked out stickers she really liked, not the dinky little ones but the big square ones. Everytime she went potty we'd add another one to her book and she'd flip through all her stickers while she sat and poo'd on the potty.. She was fully learned in about 2 weeks.







Worked for my kiddo, but they are all different.







Didn't work for my older ds at all and we tried *everything*. He's got other issues though.


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## Losgann (Jun 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AnnasMominPA*

What worked for us was allowing her to blow bubbles while sitting on the the potty. Normally I don't allow bubble blowing in the house just outside. I came up with the idea of using bubbles after reading the bubble blowing can be used to teach slow deep breaths. Since my DD was tensing up while sitting on the potty to poop I though allowing her to blow bubbles would help her to learn to take slow deep breaths and make the process easier.
Angela

What an awesome idea! I think I will try this with my ds!! Thanks for this, he'd love it!


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

I wish I could remember where I read it...but I think it was in Dr.Sears' discipline book...somebody correct me if I am wrong. Anyway, the theory mentioned that I read was that rewards do not promote long term behavior in most areas, but potty training is the exception. I think it had something to do with just getting over the hurdle of doing the deed a few times, then the reward is no longer needed.

Again, correct me if I am wrong on this being from Dr. Sears. It seems I have read so many books I can;t keep straight who said what.


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## mmaramba (May 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AnnasMominPA*
I tried rewards (stickers) off and on during potty training but the rewards system wasn't too successful.

What worked for us was allowing her to blow bubbles while sitting on the the potty. Normally I don't allow bubble blowing in the house just outside. I came up with the idea of using bubbles after reading the bubble blowing can be used to teach slow deep breaths. Since my DD was tensing up while sitting on the potty to poop I though allowing her to blow bubbles would help her to learn to take slow deep breaths and make the process easier. If we weren't home she could blow pretend bubbles which I would pretend they hit the wall or they would hit me and knock me over which she thought was funny. She is now potty trained and we don't really use the bubbles anymore.

I'm not sure if bubbles would be considered a reward or not. It might be seen that way but for me it was more of a way to teach a useful skill.

Angela

Actually, that's AWESOME! Bubbles! I was just reading Ina May's childbirth book and her chapter on "sphincter law." She says that an open/moving mouth = open cervix. But I'm pretty sure it works for all sphincters... :LOL

Makes me think of the "horse lips" MWs recommend making in labor/during pushing. Just a different kind of pushing, I guess... :LOL


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## aguacates (Sep 17, 2003)

I love the bubbles idea! Although here, poops are not an issue. Dd has been 100% consistant with them since the start of potty learning, for us it is the pee. She doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go pee







: Oh well, it will eventually happen.


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## moss (Feb 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
Again, correct me if I am wrong on this being from Dr. Sears. It seems I have read so many books I can;t keep straight who said what.

alfie kohn, who is very anti-rewards (he's the 'punished by rewards' guy), says that potty training is the exception. sears may have said it too though.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Hmm. This is interesting. Thanks for the responses. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I keep hoping he'll just decide on his own that pooping on the toilet is preferable to in his pants.


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## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *famousmockngbrd*
Hmm. I keep hoping he'll just decide on his own that pooping on the toilet is preferable to in his pants.

:LOL
He will!


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## AnnasMominPA (Jan 13, 2005)

I forgot to mention in my previous post another thing that helped while my DD was learning to poop. Reading the book "Everyone Poops" was helpful and it definately led to some interesting conversations.

Angela


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I give poop rewards.







It's worth it to me. I let dd choose between cookies, chocolate chips, or ice cream. Things have gotten so much better since we started doing this.


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## Sylith (Apr 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Greaseball*
I give poop rewards.







It's worth it to me. I let dd choose between cookies, chocolate chips, or ice cream. Things have gotten so much better since we started doing this.

OK, I have a dumb question. Do you restrict these things at other times? Cos, like, if we have treats like cookies in the house, DC pretty much just needs to ask and we'll give him some.

Do potty rewards still work if your kids basically could have the treat anyway, for the asking?


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

You know, we used to provide free access to these foods at all times. I started limiting them to after dinner only, because dd was having horrible nasty diarrhea. So I said only one serving of chips, juice/soda and sweets all day, and that really helped with the exploding poop problem. And I think that having them only after dinner has helped them be more special. Now she knows if she poops on the toilet she doesn't have to wait until after dinner.


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## owensmom (Feb 23, 2002)

Thanks to the section of the Dr. Sears poop on the potty book that says "sometimes you might sit and sit and nothing happens. That's ok, come back and try again later" - ds will sit for 2 seconds and say "nothing is coming, I'll try again later!".


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## Kitsune6 (Mar 31, 2005)

I was determined not to reward my DD for using the potty but since my friends were doing it and their kids were actually using the potty, I caved. Then my 2 1/2yr old negotiated 2 jelly beans per pee instead of one,LOL! When it came to poops it turned out to be a small lollipop that did the trick.

I don't mention the candy anymore so if she asks for it, I'll give it to her but luckily she's slowly forgetting about it. I wish I would of thought of bubbles! D'oh!


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Well... I caved too. DS pooped in his underwear twice today. I talked to him about why he doesn't want to poop in the toilet ("I don't like it") and if he wanted to go back to wearing diapers for a while ("No"). I explained to him for the 20th time that underwear is not for pooping in, if he doesn't want to use the toilet then he can put on a diaper when he needs to poop and go in that. No, he doesn't wear diapers anymore.







OK. So I told him that the next time he poops in the toilet, I will give him a present. To my DS, a present is basically any object wrapped up in paper, so I felt safe there. :LOL He seemed intrigued, but did not poop again today, so we'll see what happens tomorrow.

I am still not really comfortable with the idea of giving him a reward for pooping in the toilet, but y'all have convinced me to give it a shot. So if he turns into a materialistic goody-hound, it's all your fault.









I have to mention this, though - about the candy, cookies, etc. I am really surprised to see this is such a common reward. I am sure most of us feel that food rewards in particular are to be avoided, in order to not attach emotional significance to eating certain things, especially "junk" food. Why is potty training so outside our normal sphere of operation? Probably most people here would not bestow/withhold food from their DC based on how they behaved, under other circumstances. Just wondering.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

have to mention this, though - about the candy, cookies, etc. I am really surprised to see this is such a common reward. I am sure most of us feel that food rewards in particular are to be avoided, in order to not attach emotional significance to eating certain things, especially "junk" food. Why is potty training so outside our normal sphere of operation? Probably most people here would not bestow/withhold food from their DC based on how they behaved, under other circumstances. Just wondering.
Probably because so many parents are desperate to stop cleaning up poop.

And this probably is out of the GD realm, but I do withhold dessert as a consequence for things like hitting and kicking.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Greaseball*
Probably because so many parents are desperate to stop cleaning up poop.

I can relate to that.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

I too have made only ONE exception to my NO REWARDS parenting. And its being "potty trained" or whatever you want to call it.

I told my girls that as soon as they were done with diapers during the day they would get to pick out one BIG BIG present.

I was low key about it. Kind of like "just so you know, whenever you are done with diapers, you get a present. Doesn't matter to me, whatever, la la la"

As I said this involved being done "during the day". All of my kids seem gentetically predisposed to late night wetting. I told them I DID not care at all about this and no reward or punishment was in any way tied to being diaper free at night.

I do think its interesting that this in the exception for the Punished by Rewards guy!


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## Mrs Otago (Mar 31, 2005)

My ds is JUST toilet trained, and he was doing great with #1s but resisting doing #2s in the loo! People were suggesting all sorts of things, like that he was scared of the toilet, but I knew that wasn't it. Heck, this kid will flush WHILE he's sitting on it, so definately no fear!

It was just a case of him deciding he would do it in the loo. I was pretty strict about him not going back into nappies (diapers) so I just had to live with the dirty undies.

Four weeks out, we have had no "accident" (or filling pants on purpose!) since last Saturday.

When I thought about it, I was asking him to change the habit of a lifetime...for three and a half years it was ok for him to poo in his pants (nappy) and then suddenly its not. I couldn't expect him to get it overnight.









It WILL get better, although it feels like an eternity when you're in the middle of it!


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## Mrs Otago (Mar 31, 2005)

Oh, and I have also used rewards! Today Matthew asked for his lolly because he'd done "guck" in the toilet, but I didn't give it to him. I just said something like you are a big boy now who does "guck" in the toilet all the time, and that I didn't get chocolate for doing it in the toilet either. He was ok with this!


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## mahogny (Oct 16, 2003)

We used mini m&m's for potty training. First, when he remembered to poop in the potty chair, he got one candy. He asked for his candy the first few times, and then forgot, and of course, I didn't remind him! Then I decided I was SOOO done with emptying the potty chair, so I told him that everytime he peed or pooped in the toilet, he got a candy. That transition took all of a day! LOL! Again, he only asked for the candy the first few times, and then forgot. Now I'm thinking of getting them out again, as in, "You know, when you wipe yourself, you'll get a chocolate! Just so you know!" As one pp put it, "no big deal, la la la." :LOL

BTW, that container of m&m's in the bathroom is the ONLY candy in the house, and potty training is the ONLY time I've ever used rewards.


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## nuggetsmom (Aug 7, 2002)

It took DD forever to stop pooping in her underwear. And I was really really tired of cleanign it up and she did not want to wear a diaper. One day she just pooped in the potty. I rewarded. I ranted and raved (I do not reccomend that approach, but I just simply was too tired and so I was awful) I danced on my head. Then I gave up and put her in pullups, and told her when she kept them clean she would get underpants (princess ones- I showed them to her). I made her help me clean it up (this is worse).
Then she would hold it and poop in the bath. Finally I pointed out that that was not OK either. gross! Now she mostly has the hang of it though I still clean up an accident a week or so. Now I point out that she can't go to summer camp unless she uses the potty. I remind her every morning and this seems to help some.


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Oh, we are right there with you! Eli is 2.5 and has been semi-ec'd since he was like two months old. He has NEVER been willing to poop on the potty. He will wear underpants, ask to go pee, but refuses to poop on the potty! It's like he's afraid of hte potty. He asks for a diaper when he has to poop. Every time.

We just went through a terrible thing where he was refusing to poop At ALL! What a nightmare! He had one hard poop from a weird dietary blip, and then he was withholding poops and it was awful, he'd scream in pain, MY TUSHIE HURTS!! But he wouldnt poop in a diaper or anything. Finally, after medication, he's back to normal pooping in the diaper, so I am really reluctant to stress him into withholding again.

I was trying anything to get him to just sit on the potty and try to poop, but he is afraid. Dont know why. I offered him CANDY! I offered him M and M's at my sister's house -- we dont keep them at home. I was right there with the bold face bribes. I just want him to get over this fear!!!

So far, nothing. Maybe I'll buy a jar of m and m's and keep them on the toilet ledge. No, I just am not ready for that! I always swore I wouldn't!! Ah the ideals of parenting!!


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## PM (Nov 19, 2001)

How old are all these kids when they're potty training? Why not just do like me? Wait four years (or however long) till child is good & ready on his or her own and then have no accidents afterwards?

You all are not going to go for that, are you? Ah well. I tried. :LOL


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Ya know, I think I just figured out why rewarding is ok for pooping on the potty.

I think like many pp's have mentioned many kids are simply scared of using the potty for poops.

The reward pushes them past their fear and once they have done it a few times the fear goes away.


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## Mrs Otago (Mar 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PM*
How old are all these kids when they're potty training? Why not just do like me? Wait four years (or however long) till child is good & ready on his or her own and then have no accidents afterwards?

You all are not going to go for that, are you? Ah well. I tried. :LOL

Well, we kind of did. Ds was three and a half when we started. Although I mentioned rewards, it wasn't a big song and dance - no sticker charts or big ra ra. It was quite low key, and I could probably count on one hand the number of rewards.

I think all in all the process to fully trained (dry day and night) has taken three weeks, and I think for the most part its just been changing habits. After a "lifetime" (well, it is for him!) of pooing in nappies, I guess you can't expect pooing in the toilet overnight.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PM*
How old are all these kids when they're potty training? Why not just do like me? Wait four years (or however long) till child is good & ready on his or her own and then have no accidents afterwards?

You all are not going to go for that, are you? Ah well. I tried. :LOL

I swear to you, I did NOTHING to get him to potty train. Well, OK, I had a potty there on the floor for him, and once in a while I'd ask him if he wanted to pee in it, but I hadn't even brought it up in at least a month. Out of the blue one day he just started telling me he had to pee, so we'd go do it on the potty. Literally, one day he was peeing in his diapers, the next day he wasn't, completely of his own free will. I think he had maybe one or two pee accidents in the beginning, but it's been almost a month now and he stays dry, even at night.

So that's why I want to help him over the poop hurdle. I don't want to pressure him or make a biig deal out of it, but if he doesn't want to wear diapers, and he doesn't want to poop in the toilet... something has to give, yk?


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PM*
How old are all these kids when they're potty training? Why not just do like me? Wait four years (or however long) till child is good & ready on his or her own and then have no accidents afterwards?

You all are not going to go for that, are you? Ah well. I tried. :LOL

Ok, I essentially did this with DS 1. This poor child is so disassociated from his body's messages about elimination. At five and a half, he still has pee accidents. That scared me right to EC with DS2!

Eli is 2.5


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Don't get me wrong, my 5 yo uses the potty, but if he's playing or busy, oopsie!


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## ebethmom (Jan 29, 2002)

I really like that bubble blowing idea! Ds only has accidents now when he is too impatient to wait for the poop to come. He'll sit on the potty, then hop right up and say "There's no poop."

He did this just last week (after going without an accident for months) and pooped once on the carpeted floor, then AGAIN on the couch.

We have three toilets in our house, and he likes "the soft potty." Which is in the bathroom farthest from all other rooms, of course. And we have cheap off-white carpet that stains if you look at it and imagine a mess.


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## PM (Nov 19, 2001)

I was joking. But it is good for the mind to see different experiences.


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PM*
I was joking. But it is good for the mind to see different experiences.

I got that you were joking, but your joke is pretty much the current stance of pediatricians, backed up by our fabulous disposable diaper industry. Just wait, just wait!! Bah!!


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## Mommy&Will (May 22, 2003)

I find this thread very helpful. Thank you.

Can someone help me out though...

What about a dc that is purposefully peeing on the floor? He absolutely knows what he is doing. He runs in another room and will pee.

Do you think I should try the rewards system with that?

Right now the momma-freaking-out or the momma-ignoring-it-systems have both failed.

Any suggestions?

What if I just suggested... if you pee in the potty all day today, you can pick out some special kid underwear at the store.... something like that.


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## PM (Nov 19, 2001)

Pamelamama -- It was a bad joke. Really stupid. I didn't know that's their stance -- I'm too far-removed from western society! Sorry everyone.


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

(I wasnt' offended)

YOu find 'quizzes' like this one: http://toddlerstoday.com/resources/articles/ttquiz.htm

Oh, and here's the AAP link, check the bullet points for readiness: http://www.aap.org/pubed/ZZZR6LONH4C.htm?&sub_cat=1

They basically want you to wait until your kid shows all these readiness signs before you plunge in. Kid can pull up pants, kid cares about being clean and dry, kid is aware of bodily functions, etc. So I'm saying, if you wait until your kid does all these things on his/her own, the kid may very well be four years old! That's what totally threw me toward EC for Eli (part time anyway) and I still say it's nuts, even for just two years, to teach a kid to ignore bodily functions and then one day just boom: hey kid now I want you to sense those things you've been ignoring and behave in a completely different fashion! EC moms will totally disagree with so much of the AAP stuff.

Oops, I think I'm going a little OT here.


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## PM (Nov 19, 2001)

Mine was 4 years old (well, 2 weeks shy).


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamelamama*
(I wasnt' offended)

YOu find 'quizzes' like this one: http://toddlerstoday.com/resources/articles/ttquiz.htm

Oh, and here's the AAP link, check the bullet points for readiness: http://www.aap.org/pubed/ZZZR6LONH4C.htm?&sub_cat=1

They basically want you to wait until your kid shows all these readiness signs before you plunge in. Kid can pull up pants, kid cares about being clean and dry, kid is aware of bodily functions, etc. So I'm saying, if you wait until your kid does all these things on his/her own, the kid may very well be four years old! That's what totally threw me toward EC for Eli (part time anyway) and I still say it's nuts, even for just two years, to teach a kid to ignore bodily functions and then one day just boom: hey kid now I want you to sense those things you've been ignoring and behave in a completely different fashion! EC moms will totally disagree with so much of the AAP stuff.

Oops, I think I'm going a little OT here.


Sorry, I really liked this way. And my kids after their initial fear of pooping in the potty, were diaper free and NEVER had an accident (3.2 years 3.1 years and 2.7 years). This way absolutely felt "right" to me.


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Every kid is different and every family is different.







I respect your right to make the choices that work for your family!!


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

I agree, for me it seemed easy and natural to wait until DS decided himself that he was ready. I thought he might be heading in that direction because for the past few months, he started to want to be changed as soon as he peed in his diaper. He never used to care before.

I am sure different approaches work for different kids, though. I know we can all agree that it is ultimately up to the child whether to use the toilet or not, like sleeping and eating they have total control over it - we can only give them the space/tools/opportunities for sleeping, eating, pooping, etc. but whether they do it or not is up to them.

The more I think about it, I may have figured out what precipitated the change. Just before he potty trained, we were fixing our bathroom so we didn't have a toilet for about a week and a half. DS used a pickle jar, and I used DS's potty for peeing.







DS was immensely interested in both these activities, and it was soon after that he stopped peeing in his diapers. TMI I know, but hey, maybe it'll help some other mama - all you have to do is use the potty yourself and they'll get the idea.







Or maybe it was seeing what great lengths DH and I went to, to avoid peeing in our pants, that convinced him.

To make the image even more entertaining, I am 8 months pregnant. (DS is 2.5, BTW.)


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamelamama*
Every kid is different and every family is different.







I respect your right to make the choices that work for your family!!

Absolutely!


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

nak

yep, we just needed incentive to get over the initial hump

at 3.5yo, ds knew when he had to go - would ask for a diaper. declined my numerous offers to use the toilet (we never had a little potty)

i bought some jelly beans (from the health food store to ease my bribery guilt







), put them in some tupperware in the bathroom. he didn't care. they sat there for a month or so. one day he asked for a diaper to pee, i again offered the toilet and a jellybean. he said okay, and i almost fell over from shock when he peed in the toilet (standing up at his insistence)

for about a month we did 1 jellybean for trying, 2 for pee, 3 for poop. jellybeans ran out before poop was mastered, but i never bought anymore. cleaned a lot of poopy underwear for another month or so, but now he's 100%. he also decided during that time that he didn't need a diaper at night.


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## Maman*Musique (May 13, 2005)

This is very a interesting thread. My older child is 4 and has yet to use the potty. Every so often we ask him if he would like to try and he says no so we don't push it. One day I asked him and then said if he did try to pee on the potty we should celebrate. I said "ds what would you like to do to celebrate your first time peeing in the potty?". He said "buy a toy". I said "ok that sounds like a good idea" Nothing ever came of it. I can't honestly imagine giving him candy for going on the toilet but that isn't to say it's wrong for others, of course. Each child is different and so potty learning needs to be approached accordingly. Mine just doesn't go for even the slightest hint of manipulation/coercion. He is a child who really responds to logic and reason. He is an interesting character. Tooth brushing was never an issue as he understood from an early age how important dental health was in detail. Same with taking medicine or going to the Dr., etc, etc. He simply does not want to use the potty and no amount of logic works in this case as there isn't truly a compelling reason for him to switch - short of me tossing all of his diapers and forcing him to wear underwear. I have to believe that others are right when they say their older children potty learned in one day and never had an accident after that day







At least I hope that will be the case.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

Mine just doesn't go for even the slightest hint of manipulation/coercion. He is a child who really responds to logic and reason. He is an interesting character.
That's funny - I would describe ds1 as exactly the same. The problem I ran up against is that there was no real logic or reason why he shouldn't just continue to pee and poop in diapers instead of the toilet. I could probably have continued to wait it out, but with the baby it was becoming really difficult to be changing two in diapers. Not impossible by any stretch, but hard enough that I was really wanting him to use the toilet!

I don't actually usually tell people about the jelly bean thing because it's not something that I "recommend" as a tactic for potty training. If anyone asks, my advice is to just let them decide when they're ready, even though I wasn't exactly able to do that.


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## Maman*Musique (May 13, 2005)

Oh mama I totally understand







I have two in diapers and it isn't easy. I think whatever works, and is gentle, is good in my book









Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby*
That's funny - I would describe ds1 as exactly the same. The problem I ran up against is that there was no real logic or reason why he shouldn't just continue to pee and poop in diapers instead of the toilet. I could probably have continued to wait it out, but with the baby it was becoming really difficult to be changing two in diapers. Not impossible by any stretch, but hard enough that I was really wanting him to use the toilet!

I don't actually usually tell people about the jelly bean thing because it's not something that I "recommend" as a tactic for potty training. If anyone asks, my advice is to just let them decide when they're ready, even though I wasn't exactly able to do that.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Thought I'd post an update, in case anyone is following this little saga. :LOL

I think I posted about telling DS he could have a present when he pooped in the toilet, a few days ago. He was interested but has yet to poop in the toilet. He brought up the present a few times, and I just told him he could have it after he pooped, no big deal just matter-of-fact. He stopped mentioning the subject and like I said has not pooped in the toilet so I am taking all this as signs that he is just not ready to make that step yet. I have decided to back off. So for now, he pees in the toilet but poops in the underwear. I am trying to decide whether to start using pull-ups full time until he starts using the toilet for #2, but that is probably a topic more for the toddler board than here.

Anyway, I think I will keep the little present for when he does poop in the toilet some day (it's just a pack of balloons) and just give it to him then, in case he remembers me telling him he could have it. Then we'll see where we go from there, but I have a feeling he'll just decide on his own like he did with the pee and quite frankly I don't think the enticement of a reward is going to make any difference. So until then I am resigned to soaking a lot of poopy underwear.









BTW, my DS is the logical type too.


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## magster (May 4, 2004)

M&Ms did the trick here. It worked like a charm in less than one day.


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