# Tips for Making Life Easier when Husband Travels



## fraya (Apr 13, 2002)

My husband travels a fair amount -- more than I'd like, which is 0! Stints span a couple days to a couple weeks. Here are some things that I've found that help me, and I hope y'all will post ideas that help you, too. I feel certain I've much to learn, especially since I currently have just one child!

--I prep bedtime after naptime, including turning on lamps and refilling 'the water' (humidifier, water bottles, etc.).
--I save new toys for the occasion (particularly the week+ ones), stocking up as long as I can.
--I make as many playdates as possible.
--I go to my parents' home some evenings. When I do, I take along pajamas so that if my son falls asleep in the car, we can both go straight to bed.
--I also keep reading material by the bed so that I can read after he's in bed if I need to unwind. I read "O" magazine, because it helps me unwind, whereas Mothering makes me think too much (I have to read that during the day).
--I do as much of 'my' stuff in advance as possible so that I feel more available mentally for my son. It also makes me feel more available to nap with him if he needs that.

Please share what helps you and your family when Daddy's (or spouse or partner) away!
Thanks.


----------



## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

well I have to say I would love it if my husband were only gone for a week at a time. He left in November and won't be back until April, so our situation is a little different!
We sign up for EVERYTHING under the sun. If there is an activity taking place within 70 miles, I'm probably there. I belong to 2 parenting groups, API and MOMS -- API for likeminded parents and MOMS for all the activities. Up until this month, we did Kindermusik and Little Gym, and we even took a Mommy & Me dance class. I joined the Y, and go every day that childcare is available. She enjoys the kid's area and I get some time alone and also release some stress.
If the sun is out and it isn't freezing, we go to the park for at least an hour every day.
When I run out of ideas, we go to Borders, I grab crappy magazines like People and US, and we hit the children's section. I read fluff while she goes nuts. We drink the free water there, so it doesn't cost us a cent.
We go to the library, and hit storytime if we can.
We have a zoo membership, and went 10 times last year.
Also, when he left this time, I abolished naps. When she was napping her bedtime was 10:30 or 11. She just wouldn't sleep earlier than that. So I forced her to stay awake, and now her bedtime is 7 and I stay up until 10, reading, watching adult TV, doing laundry, spot cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen, that sort of thing.


----------



## fraya (Apr 13, 2002)

All I can say is, "yowsa." My son doesn't like classes and won't do childcare. But, otherwise, I also keep a list of reminder ideas, like "streetcar ride" or "Barnes & Noble." But I feel like he's outgrowing my list and I'm not coming up with better ideas! Which is why I'm either going to have to educate myself a bit on childhood education or find a preschool that he'd like where I can attend with him (if and until he gets accustomed to going solo). But that's true even when my husband's home!


----------



## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

yeah, it does seem like a lot doesn't it? I have a problem with depression, and it's VERY important that I have somewhere to go every day, or I just sink.
Portland should have a lot going on for kids though. Do you have any kind of local publication that is aimed at families? We have a little tabloid that comes out every month and lists everything going on for kids of all ages. A lot of it is the same every month, but if I scan closely enough I can pick out a few new and exciting events each time. For example, this Friday the local art museum is having a special Mardi Gras presentation with a juggling/mime/dance troupe and a craft time for kids. And it's free. I am all about free.
I've even gone to the local stables and just walked around with dd so she can talk to the horses. She loved that.


----------



## HomeBirthMommy (Mar 15, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Elphaba_
[B For example, this Friday the local art museum is having a special Mardi Gras presentation with a juggling/mime/dance troupe and a craft time for kids. And it's free. [/B]
I hope you don't mind me butting in here, but I know we're in the same state-would you mind sharing that info with me??? Feel free to PM me if you don't want to post it. Thanks.

Do you have a kiss jar? Before dh leaves have him kiss lots of pieces of paper and when your ds needs a kiss, there's whole jar of them. You can also have ds send one with his daddy for his trip.

Sometimes when we just need a change of scenery, I pack a sack lunch and head to the mall to walk around/people watch. There's a small indoor playground at one of the malls near us, too.
Also, everynight I set out the things we will need for breakfast. We are sometimes very slow moving in the mornings and every little bit helps


----------



## [email protected] (Jan 5, 2002)

biggest thing i do is drop the standards

we dont do cupcakes for dinner, but certainly breakfast is ok, paper plates and things go more casual in terms of picking up

dh hasnt been gone more than a week so far so its not like the house is ready to be condemned when he gets home LOL

i do not sleep well when he's gone; anyone foudn a way around that????


----------



## tnrsmom (Apr 8, 2002)

Moving this to Parenting Issues.


----------



## khrisday (Mar 18, 2002)

My dh was just gone for a month, and will be leaving again for several months next week so this thread is timely for me. I have two kids and they are a little older than the folks who have posted it seems (almost 8 and almost 5). For us, it's the rythm that keeps us going. We aren't slaves to the chlock, but certain thigns happen regularly. Sunday morning I get coffee and a paper and take the kids to the park, Monday night we paint, Saturday is game night, etc. We also plan playdates and outings, but sometimes it's just nice to be home. Keeping up on household chores is also really important for me.


----------



## Bethkm (Jun 27, 2003)

What a timely thread for me and DS! DH is out of town for the first time since DS is born and I am STRUGGLING! He's gone Mon-THurs and I'm already missing him so much! We stayed home alone overnight last night which I have never done in my life (been the only adult in a house overnight...I know, what a wimp!). Before DS was born if he was gone I'd sleep at my mom's. Well that's too disruptive to DS's life so we stayed...and we made it! Thanks for all the great tips! Thank goodness my DH hardly every travels for work...I feel for those of you whose partners are gone a lot.

One more great reason to share sleep...it would be a very lonely bed!

Beth


----------



## motherkins (Jun 12, 2002)

My dh is away for this week, and he's usually gone at least once, sometimes twice a month. I try to get together with another mom for dinner one of the nights that he is away. We either order a pizza or pool leftovers to make a decent meal. I also try for a trip out once a day, for my own sanity and to make time pass. I also stock up at the craft store and bring out something new or special for the kids to play with.

I hate sleeping alone. I always feel so hyper-vigilant, staying awake listening to every little noise and creak. At least I know that I'll never wake up alone--my son creeps in at some point.

I think the worst part of dh's travel is my bad attitude. I am so jealous when he gets to go away. I mean, I know that he's working long days and not sight-seeing, but I'd love to be flying first class somewhere (using his frequent flier certificates) and spending a quiet evening without children who feel the need to pinch each other and knock each other's block towers down, etc. I feel guilty for wanting to get away from my own children. Sigh...

Also have to echo that I am really good about keeping up with household chores when dh is away. I feel like I've got it under control when the house doesn't look like a pigsty.


----------



## napless (Mar 20, 2003)

I get out a good book from the library and buy some tub treats (those fizzy baking soda things.) My two boys now stay asleep pretty reliably for at least a couple of hours once they've fallen asleep, so I get in a hot fizzy tub and enjoy my book.

When dh is home there never seems time to read much -t alking to a spouse does take time







so when he's away I get to enjoy a good novel. The thought of bath and book gets me through the days!


----------



## simcon (Jul 31, 2002)

My dp is gone Sun-Wed every week. Sigh. (just until May, though twice in the past couple of months she's been gone 10 days instead--*those* are long times!)

So, I make sure to keep up with the housework. Try to shower before Maddie gets up. Invite friends over for dinner and cards and then freeze the leftovers for lunches. Cook big meals for myself and Maddie and then freeze the leftovers. (Sometimes the freezer is more full when dp gets back and then she eats all the meals!!!)

I am working on making standing dates--including one childcare night, where I have a friend over for dinner and then she watches Maddie for a couple of hours (her dp is busy at work for a couple of months, so she rarely sees him on weeknights, and she loves hanging out with Maddie, so it's good for both of us). I try to see friends at least once every day or every other day, and have someplace to go every day (i.e. playgroups, kiddie gym--m doesn't like Y drop in child care, though we are working on that).

Oh, and I walk everywhere I can (co-op, Y, video store, playgroups) and drink lots of water. And eat very healthily--lots of whole grains, legumes, and fresh organic produce--once I got sick (on the end of a 10-day stint) fever and strep throat--that was the pits...

What else--lots of dvds (I think I'm pretty much through the new releases, and we just got the dvd player a month ago!), novels from the library, and making sure to talk to dp at least once a day or more when she's gone, and re-connecting with her when she's here..

Oh, and lots of cuddles and games and reading and chuckles with our dear baby (and I try to occasionally update her blog so that dp can see "up to the minute" shots of her!)


----------



## mountainmommy (Mar 22, 2003)

any out there with really young'uns and a partner out of town? i have done week-long stints with just me and toby when my hubby isn't here, but I am due any day now with number two!!! So what happens when I'm a burned out mom-of-newborn and todder?? hmmm.

I am already loving the novel-idea...haven't read a novel in about 7 months.

we also do new toys when he is out of town and I don't feel too guilty because he only goes every 2-3 months for a week. My best new toy was turning an unused pack and play into a ball pit!


----------



## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

I drop in at the local yw/ymca and get a day pass for dd and I. Part of the trip I workout/swim/steam and get a massage and dd plays in the childcare. (awesome childcare with beepers, non toxic cleaners, large windows etc.) This takes up about 2 and half hours depending on dd's mood, my energy level etc. Then dd and I have lunch and then we go to playgym/swim. Its a great day. Even if you do something like that just once I think it would make a difference.


----------



## Monica (Mar 7, 2002)

napless - I had to laugh when I read your post because I was thinking yeah I do that, but then I realized you were saying YOU get the fizzies and the book. In my house I buy the fizzy's to keep the kids in the tub for 15 min so I can clean the bathroom:LOL Well, we are doing our first patrol (usually 3 months) with kids. Ds is 4 and having a really hard time. I did sign him up for gymnastics but that is only one morning a week for 30 min. I have found the best way for me to cope is to make a concerted effort to surrender to being with my kids. I let go of doing dishes right after a meal, folding laundry right of the dryer, nearly all of my hobbies. Instead I throw myself into being with my children. If I am trying to maintain the house and get us to a million activities, that is when we all get stressed. I actually do better when I am not spending the day trying to make a little "me" time. I just feel worse when I don't get it. I am also short tempered with the kids when they intrude on my "me" time. I basically have a wish list of things I would do if I had 15 min alone and if I get that then I go, oh how nice,the baby is napping and ds is at the neighbors...WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FIRST!!! I do try to get up before the kids and shower by myself but that only happens a few days a week. And here I am at Midnight thirty making a little me time, but my kids sleep until 9 so I can afford this once in awhile. And I call my mom a couple of times a day, mainly to share something cute the kids did. I find the hardest thing is not having anyone coming home to hear how their day was.


----------



## dipmama (Jun 15, 2002)

Two things make life much easier for me when dh is out of town. One is that we keep dinners *really* simple. Either something from the freezer that I've already made, or maybe pancakes and fruit. The other thing I do is more for me...I always have something just for me that I look forward to enjoying after the kids are asleep, maybe a trashy magazine or a small piece (okay sometime it's not so small:LOL ) piece of really good chocolate. Basically something that is a good way to end even a really tough day.


----------



## cinnamonamon (May 2, 2003)

Humpfh... I just wrote this really long post, that had nothing but whining in it -- I couldn't even stand to re-read it, so I won't subject you all to it! Suffice to say I'd be really interested to hear ideas on what to do with a one year old who hates carseats and absolutely loves his pappa (who will be gone Sun. night - Fri. night for the next 3 weeks, then starting in the middle/end of March will be back on that schedule until June or July).

Suggestions? Do you think I could get people to come over with their children to play without ever reciprocating?







Ah well, mostly I'm just happy that others understand.


----------



## fraya (Apr 13, 2002)

Most of the people who've posted have more experience than me, it seems. But in general, I have the most success with the times when I feel 'available' for my son. Also, I have started giving myself a break. Where I didn't ever succumb to television, I allow 20 min./day, and we usually don't even watch that. I permit myself to eat out, though we rarely do. Still, the possibility is available. I can hardly remember the one-year stage, but I do remember that the love of walking and the hate of carseat coincided. I particularly remember that I had to pay attention to both intellectual and physical stimulation at that time -- can you take walks easily, with him walking?

Also, could you afford a babysitter -- someone who could come over while you do something for yourself? I have a friend who does that now that her husband travels a couple days every other week.

Most of all, it helps me to grieve and then resolve and get organized.


----------



## simcon (Jul 31, 2002)

cinnamonamon--

Good luck to you--that sounds really hard... dd loves loves loves dp as well, and our trips to the airport to drop her off have become heartbreaking for all of us...

As for advice--no one seems to mind if I have them and their kids over and cook them a nice lunch/dinner. Dd is not carseat-averse at this point, and we do go other places, but not necessarily to the same people who come to us. So I *highly* recommend that strategy--throw a pot of soup on, make a big yummy salad, and invite some of your friends and their kids over--how could they object to a nice meal? And you get adult company, to "host" so no driving, and your son gets playmates for a couple of hours--everyone wins..


----------



## napless (Mar 20, 2003)

Monica - your comment about "surrenduring" really struck home. It's true - when I'm trying to carve out some space for myself, I just end up frustrated and resentful when I don't get it. When I just surrender to being 100% Mom, 100% of the time until dp gets back, things go much better and I'm much happier.

Oh, and I buy a bag of chocolate cookies just for me and hide them on a top shelf. Sometimes I don't even touch them, but knowing they are there gets me through some bad moments!


----------



## cinnamonamon (May 2, 2003)

Wow -- these are some great ideas.







I know what you mean about "surrendering" to the situation, too. It can be difficult sometimes, though -- when you feel as if you've given enough & you want a return -- NOW! Strangely enough, 12 month olds don't understand this.







: :LOL

Fraya -- I'm hoping we can take walks soon -- but he's still cruising furniture, etc. He does a pretty good bear-crawl when we're outside on rough cement, though.







I took him for a short walk around the block today and he enjoyed it -- it involved much bending and swooping and position changing, though. As well as the aforementioned bear-crawl. :LOL

I think you're really onto something with the physical & intellectual stimulation, as well. Ian has been a bear in the mornings lately -- he's just bored of the same ole' same ole', I think. We need new things to challenge him. I'm starting to think that his toys being scattered all over the floor where he left them is a bad thing.







He actually plays better when his toys are organized...brat! Makin' more work for me. :LOL

I actually have 2 girls (sisters -- 17 & 12) who each come once a week and play with Ian for 2 hours. Unfortunately, the 12 year old is proving useless and I don't know how much more prompting I can do to try to fix the situation...but that's an entirely different post...

Simcon, the suggestion of a pot of soup & a yummy salad rocks! And it would be a great use for my new crockpot.







Hmmm... I'll have to try that one this week! And Napless... mmmm... cookies... chocolate...

I'm thinking that I'll have to institute a bit of a schedule to keep myself from falling into a funk.

Thanks ladies for all the great ideas!!


----------



## fraya (Apr 13, 2002)

Routines or schedules also are really good, as you mention. There's some semblance of a day, rather than just moving from one thing to another in a way that feels out of control. Not that I actually have much of a routine, but the little that's there helps. And I have less and less as my son gets older and older.

For intellectual stimulation, you might check out hte Weekly Toddler Activities thread on the Toddlers forum. But some quick ideas that involve clean-up -- water play and flour play. That can keep 'em busy in the kitchen while you're prepping ingredients. Also, I bought as many things frozen and chopped as possible so that I could cook one-handed while holding a babe.

Playdates are huge; I'm glad you're going for it.


----------



## cinnamonamon (May 2, 2003)

Thanks, fraya -- I'll check out that thread! I still can't believe my little boy is a "toddler."


----------



## shantimama (Mar 11, 2002)

Easy foods that eveyone likes!

My dh just left for the week and we are having cheese fondue from the crock pot tonight, soup tomorrow, then spaghetti, then nachos woth lots of beans and salsa - I won't even try offering something the kids aren't crazy about. I cleaned the house last night before he left so I won't have to do much this week. We have invited friends over to play so we have things to look forward to. My kids aren't toddlers any more so I have also invited a friend (her kids are all frown up and my little ones adore her) to play with them and tuck them in one night this week so I can still go to my book club.


----------



## kerc (May 9, 2002)

I am totally a freezer food person when dh is out of town. I also make sure I have extra water bottles on hand -- i buy 4-5 bottles of water and refill them. I also buy the coffee pre-ground because my dh is the one who has to grind it the day of, i just want a darn cup of java in the morning.

here's my ideas for 12-15 month olds....

go to the library (ours has great toys for the kids to play with)

invite friends over to go for a walk -- there;s a cool park right by our house or there's always the beach of lake superior (too cold right now). Umm, and usually this means my dd is in the stroller. But I bring along cheerios and a sippy cup and she loves feeling all grown up and helping herself to the cheerios in the cupholder of her stroller.

get out some magazines with kids in them (hanna andersson catalogs my dd LOVES) and let them go wild tearing paper, etc.

fill a rubbermaid bin/dishtub with water, set it in the middle of the kitchen floor on a towel (so they don't slip when the floor gets wet) and let kiddo go to town splashing

serve snack (raisins, crackers, cereal, whatever) in unique containers that make dd have to work to get it out (cereal boxes, plastic pitcher we make orange juice in, etc).

go to the mall before it opens and let her RUN (it is winter and snowy here so running in the yard is hard due to deep snow).

cook a pot of spaghetti and let dd play in it (once it has cooled). think finger paint and you're on the track of what happens

fill different water bottles with different colored water and let her play with the bottles.

***
these are all kind of normal things to do, but I only pull them out of my bag of tricks when I am bored with what

****
lovin' the soup night thing. Might do that next week.

****
we also send lots of digital photos to my dh when he is on the road. he does the same for me.


----------

