# "you're hurting me!"



## youngnhappymamma (Feb 3, 2002)

AGH!!! If my child screams this one more time (which he will) I will *feel* like screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, first and foremost I DO NOT hurt my children. Not even close. So when I pick him up to enforce a rule or consequence he tells me I am hurting him and cries and screams. I know it does not hurt him. I pick him up just like I do when he is happy, etc. Help! I am just worried because I am afraid that some neighbor is going to hear his blood curdling screams and hear him say that and then think I really am hurting him. I know, it's probably just a phase that he will hopefully grow out of soon.....but it is a valid concern of mine that someone will report us. Anyone have any thoughts?


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

My daughter does this every now and then, but she isn't all that bad about it. I usually calmly tell her that no, I am not hurting her, and it is not a good idea to say that when it isn't true or I won't know when she IS hurting.

Keep in mind also that you ARE hurting him, in a way, just not physically. It took DH and I a long time to realize that DD gave us the "hurt" cry when she was emotionally hurt just the same as when she hurt physically...and that maybe, to them, it is almost the same thing.

My brother went through this real bad, though, and my parents had the same concerns you are having. He would even do this in public (like if he was in a store and my dad tried to lead him away from something he wanted to look at). It was real bad for a while. But nobody ever said anything about it, and after a LONG phase and a LOT of patient ignoring from my parents, he got over it.

I pretty much don't have any suggestions for you, other than to avoid picking up your son when he is in that kind of mood if you can. I just thought hearing from someone might help raise your patience level a bit


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## youngnhappymamma (Feb 3, 2002)

thank you for the reply. I had been so stressed out about someone hearing him and thinking I was abusing him I hadn't even thought that he really was hurting ...just not physically. For a kid being able to not do something you REALLY had your heart set on doing is probably just as irritating and frustrating and painful as getting hurt is. Thanks for pointing that out.


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## yogamama (Nov 19, 2001)

My son says that sometimes too - he will even say "you hurt my feelings!" and then I say "I'm sorry that hurt your feelings, but I really need for you to _______" "or, I'm sorry that hurt your feelings, but it is my job to keep you safe and when you do _____ I can't allow you to continue"

Maybe just saying those kinds of things outloud will help you sort things out and will clarify the situation in public if on-lookers are present.


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## elismom (Dec 3, 2001)

I'm not sure how old/how verbal your child is, but piggybackong on some of the thoughts already given here, maybe it would help if you say to him, Am I hurting your feelings, etc. Teach him to say Your hurting my feelings rather than Your hurting me. I think it's a good idea, as someone said earlier, to explain to him that he needs to tell you when his feelings are hurt, so that you can tell when he's actually physically hurt.


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## Megieblue (Jul 19, 2002)

My son does the same thing! He's almost 3. Whenever I hold him against his will, he tells me I'm hurting him. I don't want to say "no i'm not" because I think that isn't validating his feeling, but i know it doesn't hurt physically. What I usually say is something about how I know he doesn't like being held against his will and that must be upsetting to him. Once we were waiting at a gate at the airport and he was overtired and melting down. I grabbed him just as he tried to dart off (I was nursing my baby at the time) and the held him firmly on my lap. It in no way hurt. He screamed at the top of his lungs, "MOMMY STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME!" Everyone looked. UGH! I was so embarrassed. Of course it was later on the plane that he also embarrased me by yelling as all the passengers were sitting for take off, "MOMMY I WANT A PRESENT NOW!" LOL!


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