# At what age is it inappropriate to see a parent naked?



## redwolf2 (Jan 3, 2006)

My dd is about to be 3yo. ( I can't believe it







: ) I was wondering at what age should a child not see a parent naked? She sleeps with DH at night and he sleeps in his birthday suit. He is naked in front of her alot.
The only reason I ask is because if I had a mental picture of my dad naked, well uke
It makes me feel a little uncomfortable







There is no other reason I feel this way other than I don't want her to have a lasting pictrure of it for the rest of her life







. Am I weird?

What do you think? How do I go about telling him it makes me uncomfortable?

TIA

namaste


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## I'm A CocoNut (Jul 22, 2004)

Wish I had a suggestion...only our personal experience...my dd is almost 4 and we, dh and I, are still naked around her. She's gotten past the "pointing" and talking about it stage, regarding dh, it's just normal that when dh gets out of the shower, he's naked. It just is. I do totally understand your concern....though don't know what to say....maybe if nakedness is normal, nothing weird, then bodies are bodies....? I just don't know...I did know a family who pretty much bathed together, at least rotating through, until the girl began to "develop" and desire privacy, she was the older of 2 kids. They both seemed pretty normal and not scarred by seeing their parents, or each other.....Anyway...I"m interested to see what other responses you get!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I saw my dad naked until I was a teen







Didn't scar me.

Freak outs and obsessions about nudity are an American thing. I wouldn't worry.

-Angela


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## Dakota's Mom (Apr 8, 2003)

When either the adult or the child becomes uncomfortable about it. That's when you need to cover up. If no one is uncomfortable, don't worry about it.

Kathi


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## justplainbecky (Jul 20, 2006)

Quote:

When either the adult or the child becomes uncomfortable about it. That's when you need to cover up. If no one is uncomfortable, don't worry about it.
EXACTLY what I was going to say. My oldest son is 4, he sees us naked all the time, before/after showers and he doesn't bat an eyelash at it. As soon as he starts showing discomfort with it, then we'll start asking him to leave the room. but I think by then, he'll stop just walking in on us and really have no need to hang out in the bathroom whiel we are going/showering, KWIM?


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## eloquence (Apr 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redwolf2*
My dd is about to be 3yo. ( I can't believe it







: ) I was wondering at what age should a child not see a parent naked? She sleeps with DH at night and he sleeps in his birthday suit. He is naked in front of her alot.
The only reason I ask is because if I had a mental picture of my dad naked, well uke
It makes me feel a little uncomfortable







There is no other reason I feel this way other than I don't want her to have a lasting pictrure of it for the rest of her life







. Am I weird?

What do you think? How do I go about telling him it makes me uncomfortable?

TIA

namaste

If it makes you uncomfortable then trust that. I would just share that with him. Be sure to tell him that you don;t think he's doing anything wrong its just that you feel uncomfortable with her remembering that image.

I think your heart knows what is best for your child. Its good to trust that.


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dakota's Mom*
When either the adult or the child becomes uncomfortable about it. That's when you need to cover up. If no one is uncomfortable, don't worry about it.

Kathi

Where exactly is this line drawn though.

My children feel comfortable enough that they change their clothing in front of me.
I do not make a big deal about it to them.

But if they walk in on me changing or getting out of the shower they will sometimes get the giggles and run off.

So, does the giggles and running off mean they are uncomfortable or just making fun at their saggy mommy?


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## trimomma (Jun 1, 2004)

subbing to this thread...

My ds is 6 and still sees us naked regularly. While he's getting dressed, he wants privacy from people other than our family, but he's completely comfortable around us (dh, me and 2yo dd). Every now and then, my friends with children the same age and I 'check in' with each other on this topic to discuss where our children's comfort level is with nudity. There are several of us with 6yos that are still showering with our children and the kids are seeing us naked.

I agree with pp that said when either the parent or child desires privacy, then it would be time to cover up. If dh felt uncomfortable with ds seeing me naked, I would want to know that. His comfort level is important in the equation, also.


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

i think as long both are comfortable, it is okay. this said, dd is only 4, so maybe i'd think differently when she is older.

when she was a baby and we were discussing this, dh was very conservative, in terms he didn't want to be seen naked at all. but now it just happens naturally, and both of them are comfortable, i.e. do not think anything of it.

i think it is important, especially for girls, to see a man's body and to think about it as normal and natural.


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## momoftjjsd (May 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eloquence*
If it makes you uncomfortable then trust that. I would just share that with him. Be sure to tell him that you don;t think he's doing anything wrong its just that you feel uncomfortable with her remembering that image.

I think your heart knows what is best for your child. Its good to trust that.

I agree









My boys used to see dh shower ( the oldest was 3)til the 3yo told our pastor that Daddy had hair by his Pen*s


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## momoftjjsd (May 26, 2004)

I mean they showered with him not just stood in there to watch him shower.


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## DandK (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy*
Where exactly is this line drawn though.

My children feel comfortable enough that they change their clothing in front of me.
I do not make a big deal about it to them.

But if they walk in on me changing or getting out of the shower they will sometimes get the giggles and run off.

So, does the giggles and running off mean they are uncomfortable or just making fun at their saggy mommy?

Honestly I'd say sit down and ask them if it makes them uncomfortable. If it makes them uncomfortable then discuss privacy and knocking. My kids have no problem seeing me undressed and I have no problem with it either. Dh on the other hand freaks out if dd, his sdd, walks in on him or if he accidently walks in on her.

As long as everyone is comfortable with the situation then I don't see a problem with it. As ds is getting older I do try to cover up when he comes in the room but I don't freak out or anything. I figure that he's been seeing me naked since he was born so why should an occasional glimpse now make me upset me.


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## arlecchina (Jul 25, 2006)

nudity = natural state. I dont think anyone should feel weird unless someone tells them there's something wrong with being naked. just my opinion. I dont think it's ever instinsically inappropriate.


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## kisagotami (Sep 18, 2005)

I'm 27 and just last month durring a visit I saw my mom naked...no biggie...I don't really see her totaly nude a lot but she's a big topless lover, she even gardens topless on occasion.(No sense in getting a shirt all sweaty







)

I grew up in a finnish community (the largest one out side of finland!) and we all took saunas together...the whole fam, so I used to see every one naked alot, including grandma.

So I say...go with the flow...if your uncomfortable it will make your kid uncomfortable and vice versa.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

IMHO, the "Scarring" happens when the idea of nudity is a shameful or disgusting one. It's an invented concept, not something we biologically have against the naked form.

I can remember accidentally walking in on my dad naked when I was thirteen, and was SO embarrassed.
However, I was 13... before that I distinctly remember bathing with him in the tub and I never even noticed he was naked. I mean logically I knew he was, but you just don't care. I asked to share a bath with my parents probably until age eight or so. I also remember bathing with my (much older) brother, which I'm sure made HIM uncomfortable but again, I never noticed the nudity. I do remember taking the hand shower and aiming it at his chest hair because he had so much body hair he looked like a gorrila and I could make it stand in different directions. I thought that was cool.









I use these examples when I talk to people who are also scared that their kids accidentally walking in on them having sex will 'scar them'.
I walked in on my parents, apparently, almost a dozen times. I don't remember a _single_ event. Why? Because they never freaked out! No screaming, hiding, yelling... no reason to believe I'd done something wrong or they were doing something wrong. My mom says I walked in and asked "Can I have a hug, too?", so they gave me one, then I'd go back to bed.


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## frowningfrog (Aug 25, 2005)

I still am nakid in front of my 10 yr old DD..I dont parade around nakid, I mean more on the lines of getting dressed and such. I dont show her shame because I dont want her to feel uncomfortable about her body. She does undress in front of me but there have been times where she doesnt seam comfortable so I tell her she can change in the bathroom or I will leave the room. So I just go on her cues are far as nakidness.
With DP however, he is never nakid in front of anyone, and my 10 yr old is never nakid in front of him. Hes not her dad so I would feel uncomfortable with that, as Im sure they both would be also.


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## MotheringHeart (Dec 18, 2005)

Uhhhh, my parents are hippie nudists and I went to visit them in January and saw both of them naked......

Did you know 100% of people in this world are NAKED under their clothes????


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

OP,
how often did you see your dad naked?
I take dd many places (pools, gyms, campground showers) where she sees many females of all ages naked and many boys around her age and younger.
I would think if a dc regularly sees people naked it wouldn't be such a big deal.
All my life I've never seen my dad in anything less than pants, shoes, undershirt and shirt. I couldn't pick his bare legs out of a line-up.


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## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redwolf2*
There is no other reason I feel this way other than I don't want her to have a lasting pictrure of it for the rest of her life

I have a lasting memory of seeing my father naked. I would sit on the toilet lid and talked to him while he "shaved and showered" the entire time I was growing up ... until my mother kicked him out when I was 16 and tried to use the "he walks around naked in front of the children" thing to get full custody of us.

I have no issues with seeing my dad naked. Occasionally I still see him naked when I am visiting his house. Naked is what you are when you don't have your clothes on. No big deal.

Namaste!


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## cam&kat's_mom (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dakota's Mom*
When either the adult or the child becomes uncomfortable about it. That's when you need to cover up. If no one is uncomfortable, don't worry about it.

Kathi

Ditto!
Took teh words right out of my mouth. DS will be 4 in Nov. and we are naked in front of him a lot, 9well we sleep nude and keep teh shades pulled most days, so it' snot abnormal for us to be walking around half clad or all bare. My only issue is that now he does it too, and it's hard to get him to put clothes on to leave teh house!







But oh well.


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## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

my kids are 11,8,2 they see us both naked, they walk in on me while i am bathing, or of course have to use the toilet as soon as my butt sinks into that tub! The 8 year old is more shy about undressing in front of us where as the 11 year old has no problems. I don't want them to get all "hung" up on being naked.


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## eloquence (Apr 25, 2006)

I am not sure that leaving the decision, whether to be naked around them, up to the child is something I would do. I think there is a way to not be naked around children AND not to shame them or inculcate shame about nudity or their bodies.

Just wanted to add a different perspective. We have decided not to be naked around our children. I wish I hadn't seen the nudity of my parents and my friends parents. I think they were trying to be open about nudity but it really wasn't a good thing and I felt like they were using my innocence to make a point. It didn't feel right to me and I wasn't able to articulate that to them until I was well into my 20s.

Just my thoughts and experience.


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## caricandothis (May 24, 2006)

All of my children see me naked or at least mostly naked (just bra and panties) almost every day. Even my 11 yr old son and I've never really made a big deal about it. My dh doesn't like it much that ds walks into the bathroom when I'm in the shower or into the bedroom when I'm dressing and I respect that but it really doesn't bother me. There's nothing shameful about my body and imo, it's healthy for a young boy to see a real body once in a while (by real, I mean, not airbrushed, not magazine worthy, etc). The only comments my son ever makes is "whoa mom, your belly is really getting big!" (he LOVES my preggo belly and thinks its just the coolest thing in the world). He (so far) has never made one comment about my body or any other woman's body in an inappropriate manner and I'm quite proud of that. To him, my body is just my body!

My dh covers himself up around our dd's (our 7 yr old moreso than our 3 yr old) but doesn't freak out about it. They've seen him naked tons of times and don't really think anything of it. He thinks it's hilarious when our 3 yr old dd compares his weinie to her brother's. LOL "Daddy has a BIG weinie and Brother has a little weinie".









Nakedness is not that big a deal around here and I really feel that it helps our children be comfortable with their bodies. I only once saw my mother naked when I was younger and she about had a cow. It made me soooo self-conscious, thought I had done something horribly wrong! I never saw my father naked, ever. My brothers and I grew up thinking that nakedness was wrong and a body should always be covered. Thank God we've learned differently now!


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

I don't post on this board too often...

DD is 12.5 and for ME I wanted dh to at least wear underwear when possible around her once we're out of our room. Up until the the big bru-ha over this issue last week, neither seemed to have any uncomfortableness around either being in the all-together. It drove me nuts (no pun intended  ) and I wanted it to stop. DD does not have any hang-ups on nudity or body image- female or male. Great but at what point do you draw the line and say cover up at least a little? I dunno, maybe I was wrong tp push it as hard I did. And seriuosly, I for one prefer covered bums on my furniture. If you're walking around the house naked, you're gonna want to sit down at some point, right?!?!


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

My daughter is 4 and we still takes baths together sometimes or she sees me dress in the mornings. I'm not shy in front of her. She isn't either! She will run through the house in front of all of us in her undies most days and nothing else. Sometimes she will run naked when I'm preparing her bath water.







I think it's cute and completely harmless. It's not like she'll still be doing it at 15 when getting ready to go out on a date or with friends. ha!

BUT, fwiw, I saw my mom as a young teen when she would go to the bathroom. I have vivid memories of it and yes it did effect me in a negative way as when I have weight issues I tend to think about how she looked back then and don't want to look that way.







I don't mean that in a bad way, I'd just feel better if I hadn't seen her when I was past a certain age because she was extremely overweight at that time. I will try and start limiting my naked time in front of my daughter around age 7/8 or so, just depends, maybe sooner.

My DH has never allowed either of our children (boy and a girl) to see him completely naked. He's just that way. They have seen him in his undies. The kids have watched him go pee but that's it and it happened when they were both doing potty training.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Well now that I'm 30 and haven't been living in the same house as my parents for 12 years I think it'd feel funny to see them naked.


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## kathirynne (Dec 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justplainbecky*
As soon as he starts showing discomfort with it, then we'll start asking him to leave the room. but I think by then, he'll stop just walking in on us and really have no need to hang out in the bathroom while we are going/showering, KWIM?

You would think so, but my 14-year-old _still_ walks in on me in the loo.







(It doesn't bother me, I'm from a big family, and we only have one loo. If I'm in the bathtub and he needs the toilet, well, there's no help for it.)

He has asked _me_ to leave the room when he's changing, but not vice versa.









I think that if the nudity is glimpsed in the course of hygiene or something similarly innocuous, it's not a big deal. As a pp suggested, discomfort with nudity is a Western construct. (Not to mention the fact that my sons know what a real woman looks like naked - they don't buy into the skinny=beautiful mindset that is so prevalent in this country.)


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## aisraeltax (Jul 2, 2005)

its not an issue in our house. my 15 yo sometimes comes in my room when i get out of the shower or whatever. its no biggy. but he doesnt like for me to go into his bathroom if he's in the tub, so i dont. as for my 8 year old, nudity is just a non-issue..no restrictions/limiations either way. and of course the 7 month old doesnt care!!


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## MamaTaraX (Oct 5, 2004)

NIfty thread.
My oldest will be 8 next week *sniffle*. We're naked around him a lot (especially me). He takes a shower with his daddy every morning. He himself is naked a lot. The only person who seems to have some kind of nudity issues in the house is DH and I try to tal kto him about it when the kids are not around. HE grew up in a covered, hiding type family. I did not. We showered and bathed with our parents, they were naked and it was okay. We hung out in the bathroom with them. We saw them naked a lot. Naked is natural to me. I have no negativememories of naked parents or siblings. My little brother came by his aversion to wearing clothes naturally. He was around the same naked parents, but he liked to be covered up and still does. Unless he's at home alone or just with his daughter.

Namaste, Tara


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## fyoosh (May 9, 2005)

My son is almost 4 and DH and I are usually nude if we're home. DS doesn't care and has never really said anything. We'll probably stay nude until he shows/mentions obvious discomfort about it.

I put a robe on when my DSS (almost 9) is here, though, and have since he was about 3.5. DH is still nude around him. While I have known DSS since before he was born, he isn't my biological child, and I don't feel comfortable nude around him. I also don't know how his mother feels about it and wouldn't want to disrespect her.


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## redwolf2 (Jan 3, 2006)

this has been great conversation, what different perspectiuves. i know that she is not uncomfortable, so we'll let it go for now. i don't want her to be made to feel uncomfortable.
she has 2 brothersand really notices the differnece between her and her brothers.








sorry nak

namaste


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## kewb (May 13, 2005)

Well, my dh has now decided that he needs to be more covered when dd is around. He used to love to walk around naked but once dd turned 2 (she is now 6) he started wearing his underwear. Well, last week-end he is laying on the bed in his underwear and dd comes in the room. Looks at him and says "What's that, daddy? He looks down and sees that she can see the outline of his penis through his underwear. He tells her that it his penis and she proceeded to crack up laughing and says "It looks like a rock." and she leaves the room. Dh was mortified. DD could care less.


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