# Rant!!! Is 35 too old to ttc



## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

sorry but i just hafta leave off some steam, i went to the dr (anxiety probs) and i've only ever seen her twice cuz i just don't go to the dr but she was asking me what i guess was normal questions like my age, history of illness, etc, and when she got to the question of birth control and just assumed i had my tubes tied i was furious, i said i wasn't on any bc and she just looked at me then asked if i was planning on getting on bc, i said no i want another baby, then she proceeded to explain that women over 35 have alot more problems, i should be happy with the 2 i have, etc, now don't get me wrong, i'm very happy with the 2 i have but is there something wrong with wanting another, i've heard of lots of women over 35 having a totally normal pg and birth. I told her i know all about trouble getting/staying pg, i've had 5 mc, then she said well you've had all those problems when you were younger just think how many more problems your gonna have being older. I just let the subject go but i believe that will be my last visit with her. I'm just so mad that people just assume i'm done having children since i've reached that wicked "35", i will be 36 in Jan. and i'm not sure when i'll stop ttc, i just know i'm not ready to quit yet! Thenks for letting me vent, i'm done now and i do feel alittle better, its amazing how venting on a computer will make you feel better


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## Prajnamom (Jun 14, 2006)

I had my first child at 37 and am expecting my second at 40. My first was perfectly healthy and I'm having a normal second pregnancy with absolutely no complications.

I too had several miscarriages but all of the doctors I saw said that they could have been because of my age or some other unknown reason. My OB said that he has seen many younger women suffer multiple miscarriages.

You should definately not see this doctor again.


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## dcgrl (Jun 13, 2007)

No! 35 is not too old! It's amazing that a female doctor was saying this to you.

I'm 36 and expecting my first in November. Husband works with a 42-year-old woman expecting her first in December.

I am having a problem-free pregnancy (no morning sickness! no heartburn! no anything!).

I would not visit a seriously misinformed doctor like that again.


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## being (Jul 31, 2005)

Not too old !!! I was 40 when I had dd now 28 months -perfectly healthy pregnancy and birth .Now 1 wk. shy of 43 ttc another.

ita pp lose the dr. w/ antiquated notions...lol


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

That doctor was way out of line with that. It is not her decision how many children you may or may not choose to have or when.

We had DD when I was 36, concieved when I was 35.

We're not being "careful" now. We shall see what happens.

Granted, the risks of certain abnormalities do increase with age, but you/we go into this informed, right? We know what we're willing to face, or we find out, IF... IF being the operative word.


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## Grace24 (Mar 9, 2007)

What she said was outrageous. I'm 36 and pg with my first. It seemed that before we were TTC, everywhere I looked were articles about how it was SO DANGEROUS and SO MANY WOMEN just had left it too late, and couldn't get pregnant like they thought, and blah blah blah. My mom, feminist from the '70's that she is, thinks it's a plot by men to scare women out of the working world and back into the homes by telling them they have to have babies sooner. Ha!

Last year two of my coworkers who were each 45 had perfectly healthy pregnancies which resulted in two beautiful babies. I've had no complications (knock on wood)... in fact I'm healthier now that I'm "AMA" than I was two years ago before I reached the DREADED 35.

This attitude drives me nuts. I would've been a terrible mother ten years ago! I was a nutcase in an abusive relationship! Now I'm calm, peaceful, settled, and married to a wonderful man. NOW is when I'm going to have babies, and I don't care who has what to say about it!

Find another doctor!

Scuse me, guess I had a little rant all my own!


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## icxcnika (Dec 4, 2002)

Of course you are not too old to ttc! It sounds like that doctor stepped over the line a bit with her comments. Aren't there mamas who have their first child at age 40 or later? 35 is definitely not too old, and I'm sure this is something that you and your family have put some thought into. It's not her decision, it is your family's decision!


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## jeeves67 (Jun 23, 2007)

You're not too old. I am 39 and just had my first - a very healthy boy. It was an easy pregnancy, long labor, but no stitches or c-section (thank you, midwives!).

Yes, there is statistically a greater risk of down's syndrome and other trisomy disorders over age 35. But the numbers are averages and family history and other factors influence your specific risk factors. That your doc didn't simply state these things annoys me. I really don't like that so many doctors are negative and always looking for something wrong. One reason my DH and I chose to go the midwife route.

I took all the non-invasive tests and they gave me a pretty good sense that I didn't need/want an amnio. Their estimate of my chances of a down's syndrome baby were way less than that of a miscarriage from amnio (1 in 2000 vs. 1 in 200 or 300 depending on practitioner.

For years I always thought that if I found out I was going to have a Down's baby that I would abort for his/her sake as well as my own. After seeing my little one moving around in my first ultrasound, however, I knew that no matter what I was going to keep my baby. Off the point, but true!


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## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

I'm glad to hear of all the great pregnancies after the big 35








I wouldn't have been nearly as angry at my dr if she would've just explained some risks that could happen (which of course i already knew) but it was just the way she handled it that was so wrong.
Congrats For All The Healthy Babies!!


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## SwanMom (Jan 4, 2007)

my mom had her first at 29 and the last of 7 at 41. We're all healthy and smart. The twins (born at age 35) were about 7 pounds each and born at term. The youngest (born at age 41) is amazingly talented in many ways.


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## tree-hugger (Jul 18, 2007)

I was born when my mom was 35. And my sister had a baby at age 37--she and the baby are just fine.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

She's nuts, I just turned 37 and I am very purposely pregnant with babe #2. DP would really like 3 so I may be having another one at about 40.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

35 isn't that old! That's crazy. I'm over 35 and I've just started TTC.


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## pjlioness (Nov 29, 2001)

Wow! Nice, really nice.







: Very insensitive.

I know I can't begin to imagine how shocked, angry, hurt, etc. you felt when she was going on that way. Can you report her to a supervisor (or at least the state medical board)?


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## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

I'm not sure whether i can report her or not, i actually never thought of that but it is a good idea. I guess my main concern was to get outta there and never come back. I think i'll look into that though.

I'm just so glad to hear so many great stories about babies being born healthy after 35.


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## Kwgrlup (Nov 12, 2005)

I am turning 35 in December and presently TTC#3. I might want one more after this one...







. I do not think 35+ is to old to be having a baby. I actually feel very blessed to be a mother at this stage in my life. It means I will get to enjoy motherhood into years where many woman are done raising children. I have noticed that each baby is taking longr to concieve, (#1 1 month TTC age 27, #2 8 months TTC age 32, #3 so far TTC 10 months), no proof that is age though..lol. Good luck in TTC...







.


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

My Mom had her my brothers and sister at age 22, 24, and 25. During the year after having
the third child she had a miscarriage, followed by another miscarriage about 6 years later.
This all happened before she was age 30. She then had me at age 38.

My sister had problems with her period her whole life, then in her early thirties went threw
several brain operations to remove tumors on her pituitary gland. She later had two children
at age 34 and 39.

I'm sorry your Doctor was so ignorant. Many women have children after 35, many of those
have had medical complications of many sorts. You keep positive, and only YOU can decide
when you are ready to stop trying.


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## Girlo (Oct 14, 2004)

I have to say that I feel like what your doctor said was unethical.







She is incredibly misinformed and had NO business telling you that you had no right to consider a pg after age 35! I'd look at reporting her as well.....

I had my first child at age 36 (and he's pretty perfect!) and we're currently TTC #2 at age 40.


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## hipmummy (May 25, 2007)

As long as you want to be pregnant and can, than you are never too old. What is old anyway?? 35 is just a number just like 36,37,38,39 and dare I say 40!!!


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## lucky_mia (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Grace24* 
What she said was outrageous. I'm 36 and pg with my first. It seemed that before we were TTC, everywhere I looked were articles about how it was SO DANGEROUS and SO MANY WOMEN just had left it too late, and couldn't get pregnant like they thought, and blah blah blah. My mom, feminist from the '70's that she is, thinks it's a plot by men to scare women out of the working world and back into the homes by telling them they have to have babies sooner. Ha!

Last year two of my coworkers who were each 45 had perfectly healthy pregnancies which resulted in two beautiful babies. I've had no complications (knock on wood)... in fact I'm healthier now that I'm "AMA" than I was two years ago before I reached the DREADED 35.

This attitude drives me nuts. I would've been a terrible mother ten years ago! I was a nutcase in an abusive relationship! Now I'm calm, peaceful, settled, and married to a wonderful man. NOW is when I'm going to have babies, and I don't care who has what to say about it!

Find another doctor!

Scuse me, guess I had a little rant all my own!

I am happy to hear that you are pg and doing well but the reality is that a woman's fertility *does* start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.


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## PiePie (Oct 2, 2006)

i conceived #1 at 35 -- now 36 and eagerly awaiting birth. i have had morning sickness and swollen feet -- neither age-related.


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## mom3b1? (Jun 3, 2007)

Gee, I hope 35 isn't too old. I'm 43 and ttc. I had #1 just before my 33rd birthday, #2 at 35, and #3 at 38. If all goes well I'll have #4 at 44.

Kiley


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## That Is Nice (Jul 27, 2007)

I know of many women who have healthy children after age 35. In fact, statistically more and more women are having children later in life.

There was a study released last year that the magical cut-off age of 35 was no longer as valid due to a better understanding of pregnancy, fertility, and of course advances in medicine.

I know some women in their early 40s who are new mothers. It's quite common.

And in the age of more people going to college, having student loans, and getting married or partnered later in life, I think it seems like an understandable progression.


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Grace24* 
I would've been a terrible mother ten years ago! ... Now I'm calm, peaceful, settled, and married to a wonderful man. NOW is when I'm going to have babies, and I don't care who has what to say about it!

Find another doctor!









:

I had #1 just before I turned 33, and #2 will definitely be after the age of 35, since I've only got 2-1/2 months until that milestone! In fact, I'll probably be 36 or 37 before we have #2.

Yes, women's fertility does decrease after the mid-20's, but instead of being a flippin' freak, your doc could've handled it in a much more reasonable and helpful way. ("If you're going to ttc again, let's talk about the risks, and what you can do to improve your chances..." etc.) Yikes. If you don't report her, I'd at least write a formal letter to the office and send a carbon copy to the medical board!


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## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

Thanks for the replies! I have some different news about this situation. I talked to a friend thats affiliated with the dr's office and she told me it wouldn't do any good to report her cuz she's just a Physician's Assistant and not a real dr, is that true? I didn't even know she was a assistant, people call her Dr.







:


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## Elowyn (Nov 3, 2003)

Proof that UA violations come in all professions (see my sig.) Oh, and in many states, allowing people to call you "Dr." if you're a PA or NP is acting outside of your license & you can be disciplined for that by the state board. Just an FYI.

FTR, IMHO, health & willingness/readiness to have a child has much more to do with a healthy outcome for the child than mom's chronological age.

Certainly the fertility issues (and common need to use donor egg to achieve pregnancy in the 43-44+ range) mentioned by a PP are definitely there, but there's no reason to begin to *prevent* pregnancy at 35 or 40 just because of the birthday. It may be harder to get pg, but that doesn't mean a desired pregnancy is a bad idea.


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *joy2bmom* 
I talked to a friend thats affiliated with the dr's office and she told me it wouldn't do any good to report her cuz she's just a Physician's Assistant and not a real dr, is that true? I didn't even know she was a assistant, people call her Dr.







:

I thought that PAs have a governing body as well as docs. My cousin is a PA, and I certainly know that she had to pass a bunch of exams in order to get her license (kind of like the bar exam for lawyers). It's not some fly-by-night profession. A PA has taken a masters degree program on top of a science-based undergrad, and has done at least one unpaid externship before being licensed. A PA has the ability to write prescriptions. So no, she's not a doc, but she still should know better and be professionally accountable!!


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

I would of given her an earful! I was 38 when I had #1 (my son), 40 when I had #2 (my daughter) and we are TTCing baby #3 and I will be 42 in November!

My OB/GYN has no problems with it at all. In fact she said go for it!

I know I am at high risk. Doubly so because my daughter has special needs. But we have made the decision to move forward and try for baby#3. Which will be our last one. Sadly...


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lucky_mia* 
I am happy to hear that you are pg and doing well but the reality is that a woman's fertility *does* start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.

yes to that. I think that should have been touched upon. Maybe I'm more sensitive to the fertility angle of it because my grandma had twins at 41 and never had a period after that.
Also, my mom and her sister went through menopause around 41-42.


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

I am 42 and currently pregnant (past the 12 week mark) as a single mother by choice using my own eggs and very low-tech insemination methods. This has been the EASIEST pregnancy I have ever experienced, although part of that may be that I take things in stride more now than I did in my 20s and that I don't expect life to hand me nothing but flowers and sunshine.

This will also be my first UC/UP, although I have had three midwife assisted births.

One of my mentors had her youngest (of twelve) when she was 46, and she's not the type to use donor eggs and high-tech reproductive technology even if she could afford it which she can't.

Your doctor was out of line. I used to believe the 35 cut-off lie myself, but I wasn't ready to have another baby when I was only 35; I was still too flaky and too burned from the consequences of having a crack addict's kids and my big kids were too needy.

It only took me fifteen cycles to conceive this babe and I was not able to arrange things with the donor for all fifteen of those cycles. It took almost three years between my surviving dd and my ds and I was married and in my early 20s.

Please do not automatically assume that you will have more problems with TTC, pregnancy, and birth just because you are older. I was certainly prepared, but it has not proven to be the case. My littlest little one has been pure joy and s/he was the best decision I have ever made.


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## Inspired007 (Aug 25, 2006)

My mom had me at 34 and my little sister at 37. She had a few problems but they had nothing to do with age. A woman at my church had her two year old at age 40 (her first and only).


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lucky_mia* 
I am happy to hear that you are pg and doing well but the reality is that a woman's fertility *does* start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.

Statisically, a 40+ year old woman has a 5% chance of conceiving unaided. However, those odds can be aided with: fertility drugs, in-vitro fertilization or with zygote or gamete transfer. All of those procedures can be done with the woman's own eggs. I believe fertility is also enhanced if you are not trying to have your first over age 40. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's LIKELY the women used someone else's eggs, but they may have had some other fertility help.

As long as you are menstruating, you are still capable of conceiving. Age of menstruation/menopause is individual but tends to run in families. My mother conceived me at the age of 42 with only 1 ovary working. This was before the first test tube baby so it certainly wasn't with donor eggs. My sister had 3 children between the ages of 37 and 40 (3 under 3!) and my other sister had one child at the age of 42. DH and I are TTC and I'm 37.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

There certainly were no donor eggs when I concieved last year at age 43.
No donor eggs when Mom had conceived at 43 back in '80.


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## Grace24 (Mar 9, 2007)

lucky mia...yes, both the women I work with got pregnant on their own with their own eggs. Both were quite surprised! In fact there were seven babies at work that year, we were joking it was something in the water









Yes fertility declines, we know this... but there's not really a "magic age" like this woman's doctor said, as everyone's different... by the way it only took us two months to conceive.


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## Nia (Oct 2, 2002)

WOW! I'm sorry!
You should at least leave a negative rating for here here:
http://ratemds.com/search.jsp?country=0
If her name isn't on the list, you can add it yourself.
Again, I'm very sorry. 35 isn't old AT ALL!!!!


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## Yaliina (Oct 22, 2005)

I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you're right- you need to drop that doc like a hot potato. I don't think 35 is too old to ttc by any means- I think as long as you are aware of the extra risks and are prepared to deal with them, it's certainly no self-important know-it-all doctor's place to presume to tell you what to do!


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## leahmalm (May 31, 2007)

this dr. sounds like an ignorant creep. I'm a labor and delivery nurse at a busy suburban hospital and I take care of women over 35 having totally normal, healthy pregnancies all the time. Blow her off...


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## Paddington (Aug 25, 2003)

Depends on the woman I suppose... but I do know a mama who started at 35 and has 4 so far.....


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## mary3mama (Apr 2, 2004)

Ah







on her!

I had my 1st @ 34;
2nd @ 37
3rd @ 41

And I'm starting to feel that familiar pang for another baby now @ 42.


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## violet (Nov 19, 2001)

I wonder if she would have had different comments if you did NOT yet have children? Or just one? I noticed the comments really changed when I was pregnant with number 3. There's a bit of a stigma against "larger" families of 3 or more kids. Being happy with 2 is some sort of standard. Nobody commented on my age but they did question my sanity at going for a 3rd. Whatever her prejudices, she was way off base. Good for you for standing up for yourself.


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## soccermominsd (Feb 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lucky_mia* 
...the reality is that a woman's fertility *does* start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs.

I MUST disagree with everything you said.

I started an over 35 moms playgroup in my area. Within a month we had more women join than I could keep up with. We have closed the membership to invite only, so we now have 43 women over the age of 35 in our group. In the last month 5 of us have gotten pregnant. The oldest mama in our group is 48 BTW & she has a darling 9 month old boy made the old fashioned way.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lucky_mia* 
I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.

You're kidding right? Donor eggs my a**...AMA is just a label. I have conceived (Thank God) each time I have DTD with my husband during ovulation over the age of 42. My son was conceived when I was 43.


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## debe (Jan 30, 2007)

I had my first baby last september at the age of 43. As far as fertility is concerned, I was using contraceptive (non latex condom).


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Ladies, Individual experiences, or even knowing a whole cluster of "older" moms does not negate the overall stats that on the whole our fertility does tend to drop while risks of certain outcomes do increase.

If "I was FF and turned out okay, and I know a whole bunch of others who are the same" is not good data to support a casual attitude towards refusing to breastfeed, then "I concieved after 40 and know a whole bunch of other new moms my age." is not valid data to refute the facts of how things generally go.

IMO, that just makes our babies, those who get so lucky, to be that much more of a miracle.

It also does not justify any medical professional being snotty or judgmental about our decision to try.


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## soccermominsd (Feb 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Meiri* 
Ladies, Individual experiences, or even knowing a whole cluster of "older" moms does not negate the overall stats that on the whole our fertility does tend to drop while risks of certain outcomes do increase.

...then "I concieved after 40 and know a whole bunch of other new moms my age." is not valid data to refute the facts of how things generally go.

I agree that our eggs get older, chromosomal abnormalities may occur more frequently (because our eggs are older)-thus more m/c and that on the 'whole' a woman's fertility isn't as strong as it is in her 20's. That doesn't mean being over 35 and TTC makes us rely upon donated eggs simply because of our age.

If we look through mdc's fertility forums we find women of all ages - but most especially younger gals going through the awful throws of infertility. Fertility issues are not limited to women over 35.

MDC has been a haven for me and so many others who question the medical statistics that have been shoved down our throats by the mainstream medical community. We see that often what we are told to accept by mainstream medical America is biased towards them being able to carry out more expensive tests, more diagnostic procedures, more medical procedures and make more money from us by performing these unnecessary tests to the detriment of our unborn babies and ourselves. It is in this frame of mind that I question all the negative nelly stuff that is thrown at women over the age of 35. It is my personal experience that successful pregnancies are very much possible for older mamas.

I think questioning the AMA label is a smart thing to do. There is just too much HYPE out there scaring the wits out of moms who are over 35 wanting to start a family.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Meiri* 
IMO, that just makes our babies, those who get so lucky, to be that much more of a miracle.

I agree. *Anyone* who is blessed to birth a little soul holds a miracle in their hands.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Quote:

That doesn't mean being over 35 and TTC makes us rely upon donated eggs simply because of our age.
I wholeheartedly agree.


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## Barefoot Farmer (Feb 13, 2004)

Just a little sidenote from a younger mama. Had my first at 26, and have been TTC for 2+ years now (age 27-30) and everyone keeps telling me "how young I am" and how it will all work out b/c how "young" I am. Now, as I approach 31, I live in fear that overnight I will suddenly become "too old" by medical standards. Whatever my age, my desire to grow my family is still present. Age is one factor in a list of many factors about a person's choice to grow or not to grow their family to 1, to 2, . . . or to 10. M/C happen to the young, to the old, to those who have to carry a heavy heart. Your MD was unethical and out of line, and should be given a very strong talking to!


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## tamagotchi (Oct 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lucky_mia* 
Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs.

Watch what you say there. I've had people assume I used donor eggs with my pregnancies because of my age. It's sort of like looking at a mother whose skin color differs from her child's, and assuming the child is adopted... I read a thread about that here too recently. There's nothing wrong with using donor eggs or adopting... but making assumptions like that is really not very polite.

I believe that the biggest reason so many women (who can afford the procedures) choose IVF and donor eggs is that the doctors tell them to do it. We're told "go see your doctor if it takes over 6 months to TTC at age 35 or older." I was told by doctors at age 36 and again at age 37 that my eggs were "too old" and I should go ahead and use donor eggs. Many of my friends in their 30s were told the same thing when they went to see their doctors, _with no physical reason except for age_. So they were, of course, terrified, and went ahead and did the IVF (some with their own eggs and some with donor eggs).... while other friends of mine who weren't even TTC got pregnant by accident in their late 30s (despite using birth control). Do you see something wrong with this picture?

As for us, we took a break from TTC for a while, improved our diets and general health, and when we tried again, at age 39 I had no trouble conceiving (on our first or second month TTC, I don't really remember), had an easy pregnancy, and we had a healthy homebirthed baby. When we decided to TTC our second child, I was 41 and we conceived the first month we tried; the pregnancy has been easy so far and baby is due next month.

Doctors suggest intervention to women over 35 because it raises the chances of conceiving a baby, but it is certainly not the ONLY way that women in their late 30s and early 40s have babies.


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## fuller2 (Nov 7, 2004)

I read somewhere that a great deal of this argument is confused because there just aren't as many women over 40 *trying* to have babies as there are in their 20s and early 30s. So saying "women over 40 are far less likely to get pregnant" is true--but in part because most women over 40 are not trying to get pregnant in the 1st place.

In other words, it's not necessarily accurate to compare the success rates of (say) 10,000 women in their 20s to 100 women between in their 40s. If you compared 10,000 of each that would give a better picture.

But I don't actually know what sort of studies have been done--has there been one that used a truly large sample of "old" women? or are they just using the records of infertility clinics? Still, I wonder what it would look like it if *most* women tried to get pregnant after age 35-40. I bet the average success rate would go up.


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## pjlioness (Nov 29, 2001)

Great point!


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## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

Well, i've been obsessed with trying to get something done with this dr's assit. but haven't accomplished anything yet, DH wants me to drop it, i might do that and get on with my life. I had to tell family and friends we stopped ttc cuz they we're being just as bad as the lady that started all this in the first place. They think the time for me to have another baby has passed and i should be happy with the two i have, OMGosh! This is rediculous, How many people do i hafta tell, I AM happy with the 2 I have! I just want another. I NEVER thought of 35 as old. I'm a better mom now than when i had my oldest at 20yrs old. Crazy isn't it. Its so nice to come to a place like MDC to be Encouraged and tell me i'm not nuts to want another baby


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

Well I am 41 and will be 42 in November. I just found out I am pregnant with our 3rd child, this morning. So us girls in our 40's can get pregnant without medical help. It doesn happen.


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## pjlioness (Nov 29, 2001)

You are definitely not nuts! I am 38 and would like to have another baby in a year or two, though I have to convince dh.


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## lucky_mia (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tamagotchi* 
Watch what you say there. I've had people assume I used donor eggs with my pregnancies because of my age. It's sort of like looking at a mother whose skin color differs from her child's, and assuming the child is adopted... I read a thread about that here too recently. There's nothing wrong with using donor eggs or adopting... but making assumptions like that is really not very polite.

I believe that the biggest reason so many women (who can afford the procedures) choose IVF and donor eggs is that the doctors tell them to do it. We're told "go see your doctor if it takes over 6 months to TTC at age 35 or older." I was told by doctors at age 36 and again at age 37 that my eggs were "too old" and I should go ahead and use donor eggs. Many of my friends in their 30s were told the same thing when they went to see their doctors, _with no physical reason except for age_. So they were, of course, terrified, and went ahead and did the IVF (some with their own eggs and some with donor eggs).... while other friends of mine who weren't even TTC got pregnant by accident in their late 30s (despite using birth control). Do you see something wrong with this picture?

As for us, we took a break from TTC for a while, improved our diets and general health, and when we tried again, at age 39 I had no trouble conceiving (on our first or second month TTC, I don't really remember), had an easy pregnancy, and we had a healthy homebirthed baby. When we decided to TTC our second child, I was 41 and we conceived the first month we tried; the pregnancy has been easy so far and baby is due next month.

Doctors suggest intervention to women over 35 because it raises the chances of conceiving a baby, but it is certainly not the ONLY way that women in their late 30s and early 40s have babies.

I see what you are saying and I am in no way saying that intervention is the only way a woman over 35 or over 40 can get pregnant. Certainly not. I believe women should be empowered about all aspects of their reproduction including understanding how their fertility works. I think much of what we are seeing in Hollywood is misleading and makes woman think that they can wait to have children and it will always work out. Yes, it many cases it does and I am very happy it did for you but often it does not and women are devistated to then have to embark on the rollercoaster of TTC with help.

I was not trying to be rude and make any assumptions but the odds of conceiving on your on at 45 are about 1%. My DH hit the lottery. People do beat the odds but a woman should at least know what her odds are she can make informed decisions. Not so she is scared, but just so she has all the information. I thought being fully informed as a woman was a big part of MDC.

I frequent many infertility boards as I have dealt with infertility myself, long before I was even in my 30s. Many women on these boards who have used donor eggs or donor sperm pride themselves on "fooling" coworkers into thinking it just happened. Often they don't even disclose the extend of what they went through to friends or family - nor should they if they the don't want to. I was just pointing out that things are not always as they appear. Obviously that was not the case with the OP's coworkers.

OP - You are absolutely are not nuts to want another one. I am going to try for another one this year and I am almost 40.


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## CCChanel (Dec 13, 2006)

Count me in for one more pg and healthy baby... DS born when I was 41!

There is a mom's group on fertilityfriend.com for over 40's... there are tons of us! And I rarely hear any of them talk about using donor eggs.

And I do remember some smart mom debunking with facts the "stats" of 5% or less... I think it's BS and know many moms over 40.

I think the 5% had to do with how many births are to women over 40 over all...not necessarily to how many 40 and overs try to get pg and fail. Kwim?


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Meiri* 
Ladies, Individual experiences, or even knowing a whole cluster of "older" moms does not negate the overall stats that on the whole our fertility does tend to drop while risks of certain outcomes do increase.

If "I was FF and turned out okay, and I know a whole bunch of others who are the same" is not good data to support a casual attitude towards refusing to breastfeed, then "I concieved after 40 and know a whole bunch of other new moms my age." is not valid data to refute the facts of how things generally go.

IMO, that just makes our babies, those who get so lucky, to be that much more of a miracle.

It also does not justify any medical professional being snotty or judgmental about our decision to try.

Yep, all the "well, it happened to me" doesn't change the overall population-level statistics. Of course, if you start a playgroup for moms over 35, you'll get a lot of moms over 35. Because it can and does happen. However, if you started a support group for women over 35 who were having age-related fertility issues, you would also get big group -- because that would be who you were selecting for.

Women in their 30s and 40s can get pregnant and have healthy, happy, pregnancies, great births, and healthy, happy, babies. No denying it. But its also not a good idea to pretend that the decline in fertility and increase in miscarriage rates doesn't exist - because on a wider population level, it does.

The doctor shouldn't have tried to dissuade you - there's nothing wrong with being open to more babies after 35 - but don't use anecdotal data to rebut her if you choose to file a complaint.


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## jemar (Nov 9, 2005)

I had my first at 40. Got pregnant first month we tried. No donor eggs, no science. Considering #2 as I type. If I conceive soon I will be 42 when next babe is born.


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## klink2 (Jul 27, 2005)

I got pregnant at 34 with a diaphragm in place. At 38 and 39 I've tried just about everything _except_ a diaphragm.








: It is hard to read other mamas talking about the challenges of getting pregnant as we age as if it were a myth.


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