# what age did YOUR bed sharing baby finally sleep through the night?



## gardendweller

my sweet girl is 10 and a half months old. she wakes to nurse at night at least three or four times, and I am starting to wonder if bed sharing was a mistake, I keep hearing stories of children three and over who still cant sleep through the night! SO, I am wondering when other breast feeding, bed sharing babies finally slept through the night.....

(I love sleeping with my baby and I am in no hurry to stop, but I would love to know there is a light at the end of the sleep deprivation tunnel!)


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## Daffodil

Both of mine were nightweaned around the time they turned 2. DS immediately started sleeping through the night almost every night. DD slept through the night for the first time ever on her 5th night of no nursing, but she still woke up most nights for a while after that. By the time she was 2 1/2 she probably slept through the night about half the time and when she didn't she usually just woke once. She's 10 now and still not a very good sleeper.


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## gardendweller

out of curiosity, did they still sleep in bed with you after they night weaned? I would love it if my little monkey still sleeps with me as a toddler! (but I could live without the night nursing by then!)


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## Daffodil

Yes, they kept sleeping with me after nightweaning.


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## katelove

I night weaned my oldest at 2yrs 3mo. She would still wake up but would settle quickly when I told her it was still night time. After the baby was born she started objecting noisily when I refused to feed her overnight. I started feeding her again just to avoid waking everyone up but that wasn't sustainable for me. The baby and I moved to the spare room. My now 3y4mo sleeps with my husband. From the first night she slept through. She occasionally wakes for a drink of water or has a bad dream but settles easily. She often wakes at 5am but DH tells her it's too early and she usually goes back to sleep til 6am.


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## Laurucha

I have a 14 month old and I have been wondering the same thing! On a good night, he wakes up 4-5 times, and I don't always fall back asleep easily. Then we have bad nights when he seems to wake every 20 minutes and doesn't settle back down right away. It feels like forever since I've gotten a decent night's sleep and I'd like to know whether the end is in sight!


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## Chloe'sMama

mine have all woke up lots to nurse until they night weaned (20 months and 22 months). They slept through the night soon after that, although my 3 year old is not a great sleeper and has lots of night terrors and my 5 year old needs to get up to pee at least 1 time a night. ds is almost 8 months and wakes 10 or so times a night. He was down to about 3-4 and is back up at least every hour. my girls woke up at least 3-4 times a night to nurse until they nightweaned.

I feel lucky that I had such low expectations for sleep that I am never disappointed when they sleep terrible.


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## gardendweller

Laurucha, I hear that! I just tell myself it cant last forever, and I will never take a good nights sleep for granted again!! (I also have insomnia so its a double whammy!)


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## Skelly2011

It's all so individual. My 3 and a half year old daughter is one of those cosleeping kids that STILL doesn't sleep through the night. Her brother is 5 months old, breastfeeds and bedshares, and will maybe (and I mean maybe) wiggle over and nurse for a second in his sleep once or twice during the night. He's been sleeping 12 hour stretches at night since 5 weeks old.

Granted, my kids are at opposite extremes, but I think no matter what you do or how old your child is some kids just have different sleep habits than others.


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## earthmoma

I felt the same way as you until my lo was about 11.5 months. I then started our nighttime routine as. Feeding & rocking for 7 min then we both lay on the bed and she flops around until she puts herself to sleep. Now she sleeps amazing at night and at 13 months she has lost interest in night nursing. We just started letting her put herself to sleep for naps and so far so good. We have a queen mattress with crib railing around it for naps so I lay in there with her for now. The goal is for her to be alone for naps


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## cyclamen

Around age three when we moved her to her own bed and taught her to fall asleep on her own, without someone laying next to her..


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## contactmaya

DS1 before 6mths (i cant remember exactly, he's 8, but it was early)

DS2 around 4mths

DD1-still nurses once or twice before 5am, at 20mths

They were all ebf.


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## TiredX2

We partially nightweaned DD at 24 months--- so she started going 4-5 hours. She didn't make it through the night without nursing until 3.5.

With DS we did not nightwean. He was 4.5 before he went 5 hours and over 5 before he went the entire night without nursing.

DP and I are poor sleepers, so we weren't surprised. We're more surprised by our new baby who, at 7 weeks, has already gone four hours several times.


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## LilaLove

Oy! I feel for you all... I slept with my daughter for 8 months and thought it would be forever. She was still nursing two or three times a night. Within three nights in her own room, she only woke up once around 4 am, nursed and went back to sleep until 6:30. Within a week, she was sleeping through the night.

I thought we would co-sleep forever. I still love snuggling with her at sleep times, and miss her sweet sleepy self all the time. But EVERYONE sleeps better now, and that makes EVERYONE happier. It's a personal choice, but I totally stand behind ours.


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## sjmomma

Mine started sleeping through the night around the time I stopped nursing. It was trying but he's been sleeping through the night almost 2 months now & he's 15 months. I think it also helps that we started with day care recently too so he gets up earlier & stays busy/entertained and keep him on a schedule & instead of 2 little naps he only takes 1 decent one. Hang in there!


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## aelfie

My oldest is 10 1/2 years old...I'm still waiting for him to sleep through the night!

And I'm defining sleeping through the night as saying good night in their own beds in the evening and not having them come into mine before I wake up.

My youngest is 4 1/2 he also still crawls in 99% of the time.

My twin daughters who are 8, sleep in their own beds 99% of the time.

Every kid is different.


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## hkusam

I was TOTALLY wondering about this question! I started night weaning at 12 to my girl we co sleep with. I would just hold her on my chest when she woke up wanting to nurse (which at that point was 2x per night ). It would work well! She cried for less than 30 seconds honestly. At 13 months she is now in her own crib art the foot of our bed, and 80% of the time she sleeps through the night (8pm - 6/7 am).

I had heard that co sleeping babies always want to nurse int the night, and therefore that's the price if you want to co sleep......SO not true! As other Mommas have said here it can work, and if that's what you want keep on co sleeping!


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## crunchymama731

My bed sharing EBF son started sleeping in 5 hour stretches at about 5 weeks and has been sleeping more at night since then. He's 11 weeks old. We keep blinds open all day, dim the house at night and try to make sure he's not over tired at bed time (I let him nap as he needs but try to get him to at least cat nap if he has been awake for more than 2 hours). It's not a real "method," and after seeing my nephews and nieces develop, I kinda think some kids just are natural long sleepers and some have a harder time with sleep. I don't feel like I did anything to make him sleep well, he kinda just came that way. I wish I had something better to offer; but I don't think where one sleeps is always a main player. Best of luck!


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## Rebecca Tonon

My son was the same way! Things got better for us about 18mos, he starting sleeping in 3-4 hr chunks. Then at 2 he went from getting up at least 2-3 times a night to sleeping thru at least half the time and then up only once or twice otherwise. He's now 2.5 and since we night weaned a month ago he's been sleeping through the night. Mostly


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## RunningMom26

My first started sleeping through the night when I stopped letting him nurse all night. That was at 2.5. (He would nurse from 1-5am, many times with no break.) My second is 19 months and he already sleeps more and never latches longer than a few minutes at a time (at night). He always needs me more when teething or sick. My first has been sleeping in his own bed since around 4 1/2. But if he wakes to use the restroom, he sleeps the rest of the night with us. We love







bed sharing!


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## blessedwithboys

Both at 24 mos


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## randihope

Yes there is a light at then end of the tunnel! My co-sleeping 3 year old was night weaned at 18 months. I used Dr. Jay Gordon's gentle night weaning method and it worked. He does not recommend night weaning until at least 15 months. I made a book for my son and read it to him daily for at least 3 months before and since then he has slept thru the night. Good luck!


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## flyrabbitfly

My DS is 39 months. And it DEPENDS. Most nights for the last year or so, he only nurses once during the night, and it is fine. IF he is sick, he nurses like a newborn. If there is a mosquito, he nurses pretty often, if there is a new tooth (last one now!) he nurses pretty often. It's toughest when he's sick. We haven't done anything to night wean him, but MOST nights we all sleep fine, and he is gradually slowing down of his own accord.

We sleep with a queen and a double bed pushed together on boxsprings. My husband sleeps on the queen and me and my son on the double. If i have to get up for any reason, I go back to bed on the queen side, otherwise when I get back in it wakes my son and he nurses, and then he is usually more restless all night and nurses more. I think that those nights I am mostly on the other side he seems to sleep the best.


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## gardendweller

sounds like the main theme here is that all babies sleep when they are ready (something I already knew, but somehow always need to be reminded of  I truly don't mind night nursing as long as I feel rested the next day, and for the most part I do. I just love co sleeping with my sweet baby so much! when I started this thread dd had just cut two more teeth so I was pretty darn sleepy! my mantra as a mommy is "cycles": bad sleep one week is not too bad when it is followed by good sleep the next  thanks for all the great replies!


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## Alison Day

12 months old & no end in sight. I plan to keep going until she is ready to stop, both with the feeding and the co-sleeping. We rarely have to carry her around crying at night thanks to the ease of nursing in bed, I think those who don't co-sleep & night nurse might be even more frustrated and sleep deprived than we are some nights! LOL


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## lauren

All three of mine at about 2 years after we night weaned (gently). They were excited to sleep in their beds, though would occasionally come back to our big bed.


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## trinajohamak

I've been wondering the same thing...my DS is 11 1/2 mos old and still wakes up and wants to basically nurse all night long. I'm wondering if anyone can give advice on how to night wean?


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## csbowley

Dear Gardendweller, no one can answer this question for you, only your baby. Every child is so different and it depends on so many factors... I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but I think its better than having a false expectation because of what another child did. My daughter is 6m and breastfeeds once in the middle of the night (most of the time); she goes to sleep around 7pm then wakes for a BF around 11-12, but I'm usually still awake, then again sometime in the middle of the night and the next around 6-7am and then she is wide awake and ready to play. I have a co-sleeper bed, so after breastfeeding her I push her back in "her bed" most of the time, don't know if this helps, but with my son, I felt like we kept each other awake, my slightest movement would wake him and then he would want the breast and this happened alllll night long, I did it for 7 months, then we put him in a crib next to our bed and he slept through the night the first time! Well woke around 4 if I remember correctly, for me that was amazing. I hope to co-sleep longer with my daughter. I never refuse little arms out stretched toward me with big bright eyes begging to be cuddled, never! Good luck!


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## IdentityCrisisMama

I don't have very reassuring news for you. Neither of my cosleepers were/are great sleepers. Nightweaning didn't do much for them either. Both of my kids just wake up a lot. I'm sure this has been mentioned (didn't read the whole thread) but I think night waking is pretty natural. It's a matter of them finding ways to get back to sleep without waking up their parents. For some kids (or, perhaps, some kids of some parents?), that takes a long time. What cosleeping did for us is get everyone on pretty similar sleep cycles so, although I am waking up, I am rarely getting woken from a sound sleep. So that's the good news. The bad news is that my 2.5 year old still wakes up a night (she no longer nurses at all for about the past week or so - we night weaned about a year ago thinking it would help and it didn't). My older child did not stop night waking until after that.

Re: night weaning. I did night wean our toddler. In part because I thought it would help with night waking, which it didn't. But, for us, we had other motivations for night weaning and I'm still glad we did it. It really wasn't hard for a verbal child who is ready. I just told her that we were nursing downstairs before bed and then again in the morning. She kind of magically got it. I think it's a matter of finding a sweet spot when both the mother and child are ready. If it's super hard, I would stop and try again in a few months. But, seriously, if you don't want to stop other than for night waking, I'd reconsider. For my DC the two weren't all that related...and then it takes longer for the child to get back to sleep w/o night nursing. If the motivation is sleep - I think you may end up with less, unfortunately.


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## sparklemaman

I agree with all of the posters who indicated that it completely depends on your child. My DD was always a big nighttime nurser, every 1-1/12 hours (that I was awakened), all night, every night, until I nightweaned at about 2.5 years. She was very verbal at that point and understood when we talked about it for a few weeks before. I did not get any resistance really (I don't think I could have done it if I had!). I, like several other mamas who have already posted, thought it would help me get more sleep. It sort of did, but not really. DD still woke frequently, perhaps not quite as often, but went back to sleep less easily (as IdentityCrisisMama indicated above). And she continued to nurse in the daytime until almost 3 years old. Ultimately, she continued to cosleep until she was about 4.5 years. She didn't sleep through the night ever until she was 5-6 years, and then only infrequently. She is 10 now and still wakes, typically only 1-2 times a night, to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. When I would tell friends that DD wasn't sleeping through the night at 2 and then 3 and then 4, they were horrified. But her wakings were never anything that could be ignored or changed or "trained" as some people would suggest. She would often wake to use the bathroom but just as frequently had bad dreams or growing pains (where she'd wake with tears streaming down her face). How do you not attend to that?! And with illness. It seemed like there was always one of those variables at play. It never felt manipulative either, again, as some people have suggested to me. She is who she is and she is not a great sleeper. My DH and I are not either.







While I do wish I could have gotten more and better sleep those first few years, and I know how amazingly difficult it was emotionally and physically to work and be a mama with the sleep deprivation, I don't think I would or could have changed it. And yes, it does definitely get better!! It's always a little crazy







but better. Good luck to you!!


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## Laura Rich

Mine are 4.5 y/o (twin boys) and they still get up repeatedly at night. They start out in their own beds and migrate to sleeping bags on my bedroom floor. Sleeping with twin 4.5 year old boys is an exercise in physical brutality; I don't recommend it. I'm also on the fence now about bed-sharing because, at almost five years since their birth I am now so sleep deprived that my thyroid has begun to disfunction and my body has stopped producing enough vitamin D and I'm constantly exhausted (a vicious cycle with sleep deprivation) no matter how much sun I get. This is where AP kind of breaks down for me because there's no good solution for setting the appropriate gentle but effective nighttime boundaries so everyone gets enough sleep. It's either a family bed (which doesn't always work) or nothing. CIO is cruel but, at this point, I almost wish we had gone that way because bed sharing is wrecking my health.


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## amber3902

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Laura Rich*
> 
> Mine are 4.5 y/o (twin boys) and they still get up repeatedly at night. They start out in their own beds and migrate to sleeping bags on my bedroom floor. Sleeping with twin 4.5 year old boys is an exercise in physical brutality; I don't recommend it. I'm also on the fence now about bed-sharing because, at almost five years since their birth I am now so sleep deprived that my thyroid has begun to disfunction and my body has stopped producing enough vitamin D and I'm constantly exhausted (a vicious cycle with sleep deprivation) no matter how much sun I get. This is where AP kind of breaks down for me because there's no good solution for setting the appropriate gentle but effective nighttime boundaries so everyone gets enough sleep. It's either a family bed (which doesn't always work) or nothing. CIO is cruel but, at this point, I almost wish we had gone that way because bed sharing is wrecking my health.


This brings up a good point and something I've wondered about co-sleeping. I didn't mind the idea of co-sleeping with my daughter, but after only a couple of days I had to stop. After I had my daughter I was so exhausted, I didn't know it at the time but I had an fibromylgia. I developed severe sleep problems, so bad I was missing days from work. I wasn't diagnosed with these conditions until years later (after going to doctor after doctor).

I'm not saying co-sleeping caused my fibro or sleep problems, just that my health issues made it where I was physically unable to sleep with my baby anymore. It was hard enough trying to sleep by myself, every time she sneezed or moved it would wake me up and I couldn't get back to sleep for hours.

How do those of you who co-sleep deal with the lack of sleep? Or are you just able to fall back asleep easily?

And something else I've always wondered: if your baby is always sleeping with you, WHEN do you have sex???


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## contactmaya

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *crunchymama731*
> 
> My bed sharing EBF son started sleeping in 5 hour stretches at about 5 weeks and has been sleeping more at night since then. He's 11 weeks old. We keep blinds open all day, dim the house at night and try to make sure he's not over tired at bed time (I let him nap as he needs but try to get him to at least cat nap if he has been awake for more than 2 hours). It's not a real "method," and after seeing my nephews and nieces develop, I kinda think some kids just are natural long sleepers and some have a harder time with sleep. I *don't feel like I did anything to make him sleep well, he kinda just came that way*. I wish I had something better to offer; but I don't think where one sleeps is always a main player. Best of luck!


This is true to some extent for me. Although i have to wonder about my third child, who still wakes at night. She is 20mths. I do think having her routine interrupted because, well, she's a third child, has impacted her sleep. However, on the whole, she is a good sleeper, she just wakes up once or twice during the night to nurse. Usually its at about 1am, and then 4/5am. She really only nurses once at night, if you dont count the 4/5am feed. Im inclined not to count that anyway. She also goes to bed earlier than my older children did at her age-we have to get boys to school! But when they were babies, we were going to bed at 10ish at night. Now its 8ish. So obviously she is going to want to nurse earlier, and wake up earlier.

She's actually slept all the way through until 5 once or twice recently. Boy did i feel good!

I dont think co sleeping has anything to do with nightwaking. If dd were in a crib in another room, she would just wake up at the same time crying(and probably very angry), and if i didnt go to her, i call that CIO. If she is in my bed, it makes it easier for me.


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## contactmaya

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Laura Rich*
> 
> *Mine are 4.5 y/o (twin boys) and they still get up repeatedly at night. They start out in their own beds and migrate to sleeping bags on my bedroom floor.*
> 
> Maybe they are not ready to be on their own-wouldnt it be easier if they just started out in your room? Its all i know, so just sharing my experience.
> 
> *Sleeping with twin 4.5 year old boys is an exercise in physical brutality;*
> 
> It does sound hard for you. I am still co sleeping with my 8 and 5 yo. (mentioned above thread as babies who slept through the night early on) They sleep well all night long, never had a problem with them. I think it depends on the child.
> 
> I don't recommend it. I'm also on the fence now about bed-sharing because, at almost five years since their birth I am now so sleep deprived that my thyroid has begun to disfunction and my body has stopped producing enough vitamin D and I'm constantly exhausted (a vicious cycle with sleep deprivation) no matter how much sun I get. This is where AP kind of breaks down for me because there's no good solution for setting the appropriate gentle but effective nighttime boundaries so everyone gets enough sleep. It's either a family bed (which doesn't always work) or nothing. CIO is cruel but, at this point, I almost wish we had gone that way because bed sharing is wrecking my health.


You have to find a solution for your family. Its not un AP for older kids to have their own beds. But if they arent ready, then its counterproductive for everyone.


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## cyclamen

I think that kids have their own timetable. That said, my daughter is one who was probably capable and would have benefitted from separate sleeping space at a younger age. There was a little hump to get over, but then she took to it very well and began sleeping better than ever. So sometimes it's worth experimenting to see what kind of kid you have. In our case, I felt that I had hindered her a little from getting the best sleep she could have. But she is fine, healthy and growing so in the end it's no big deal.


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## Daffodil

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> How do those of you who co-sleep deal with the lack of sleep? Or are you just able to fall back asleep easily?


Co-sleeping helped me get more sleep. When DD was a newborn, I tried to put her to sleep in her bassinet as much as possible, but then when she was about 3 months she stopped staying asleep for any length of time if she was alone. I started co-sleeping full time out of desperation and soon found that meant a lot more sleep for me. When DD woke up at night I didn't have to get up out of bed and I didn't have to wait until she was in a good, sound sleep before putting her down again, so the time I spent awake was a lot shorter. And once we both really got the hang of side-lying nursing, I didn't even have to stay fully awake while she was nursing. She was a horrible sleeper, rarely sleeping more than 2 hours at a stretch even by the time she was 1, but once we were co-sleeping my sleep deprivation went away. Despite all the night wakings, I felt like I was getting enough sleep. I'm sure it helped that I had always been a good sleeper and it wasn't hard for me to fall back to sleep. (It was hard before I was co-sleeping, though. I had so much anxiety over not knowing when I'd have to wake up again and felt so much pressure to fall asleep right away so I could get as much sleep as possible that I'd often have a really hard time falling asleep even though I was exhausted.) Co-sleeping worked out so well with DD that I just went straight to full-time co-sleeping with DS when he was born. I don't remember ever feeling sleep deprived when he was a newborn.

When DD was a baby and toddler, I experimented at various times with having her sleep somewhere other than right next to me, and she never slept better that way. She always woke up more often. Even as a 5 year old, and older, after she had been used to sleeping in her own bed for years, she always fell asleep more quickly and slept more soundly when she was in bed with me.


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## amber3902

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Daffodil*
> 
> Co-sleeping helped me get more sleep. When DD was a newborn, I tried to put her to sleep in her bassinet as much as possible, but then when she was about 3 months she stopped staying asleep for any length of time if she was alone. I started co-sleeping full time out of desperation and soon found that meant a lot more sleep for me. When DD woke up at night I didn't have to get up out of bed and I didn't have to wait until she was in a good, sound sleep before putting her down again, so the time I spent awake was a lot shorter. And once we both really got the hang of side-lying nursing, I didn't even have to stay fully awake while she was nursing. She was a horrible sleeper, rarely sleeping more than 2 hours at a stretch even by the time she was 1, but once we were co-sleeping my sleep deprivation went away. Despite all the night wakings, I felt like I was getting enough sleep. I'm sure it helped that I had always been a good sleeper and it wasn't hard for me to fall back to sleep. (It was hard before I was co-sleeping, though. I had so much anxiety over not knowing when I'd have to wake up again and felt so much pressure to fall asleep right away so I could get as much sleep as possible that I'd often have a really hard time falling asleep even though I was exhausted.) Co-sleeping worked out so well with DD that I just went straight to full-time co-sleeping with DS when he was born. I don't remember ever feeling sleep deprived when he was a newborn.
> 
> When DD was a baby and toddler, I experimented at various times with having her sleep somewhere other than right next to me, and she never slept better that way. She always woke up more often. Even as a 5 year old, and older, after she had been used to sleeping in her own bed for years, she always fell asleep more quickly and slept more soundly when she was in bed with me.


Yeah, I could see how in some situations co-sleeping would help you get more sleep, i.e. not having to get up to nurse or feed. But it just didn't work in my situation. When my youngest was a toddler I'd let her sleep with me from time to time, but I had to stop that as well. If she kicked me even once it would wake me up and ruin my sleep for the night.

It's too bad because I do miss the feeling of closeness it gave me to my children.


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## IdentityCrisisMama

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Laura Rich*
> 
> Mine are 4.5 y/o (twin boys) and they still get up repeatedly at night. They start out in their own beds and migrate to sleeping bags on my bedroom floor. Sleeping with twin 4.5 year old boys is an exercise in physical brutality; I don't recommend it. I'm also on the fence now about bed-sharing because, at almost five years since their birth I am now so sleep deprived that my thyroid has begun to disfunction and my body has stopped producing enough vitamin D and I'm constantly exhausted (a vicious cycle with sleep deprivation) no matter how much sun I get. This is where AP kind of breaks down for me because there's no good solution for setting the appropriate gentle but effective nighttime boundaries so everyone gets enough sleep. It's either a family bed (which doesn't always work) or nothing. CIO is cruel but, at this point, I almost wish we had gone that way because bed sharing is wrecking my health.


Anyone who tells you that "AP" is about a mother who self-sacrifices to the point of physical and mental dysfunction is wrong and has no business giving advice! There ARE ways to set appropriate boundaries and at 4.5 your kids are able to understand that "mama needs sleep". I see that you are a new member -- may I make a suggestion? Post a thread that asks for suggestions on setting boundaries for sleep with an older child. Because, really, at 4.5 there are many, many other options outside of CIO and mama being brutalized all night long. To me, thinking there is nothing between CIO and being brutalized at night is like saying there is nothing between corporal punishment and letting a child do whatever they want. For one, I think 4.5 is plenty old enough for them to know that they must stay in their own bed until they see the "light in the sky", for instance. Coming in for an early morning snuggle seems like a great compromise. Or, you could let them fall asleep in your bed and tell them you are going to move them when you come to bed for the night and they should fall back asleep on their own three times before coming to your bed. You can tell them they can stay in your bed if they do not touch you or wake you up. Involve them in the process. There is a whole world of alternatives by the time kids are your children's age. They are old enough to participate in problem solving. When a 4.5 year old is made to understand the problem and gets to participate in solving it, they often do very, very well. Good luck mama -- I'm so sorry that someone out there made you believe that this is what AP is all about. It isn't and you can change things starting now. For your benefit but ALSO very much so for your kids' benefit too.


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## IdentityCrisisMama

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> This brings up a good point and something I've wondered about co-sleeping. I didn't mind the idea of co-sleeping with my daughter, but after only a couple of days I had to stop. After I had my daughter I was so exhausted, I didn't know it at the time but I had an fibromylgia. I developed severe sleep problems, so bad I was missing days from work. I wasn't diagnosed with these conditions until years later (after going to doctor after doctor).
> 
> I'm not saying co-sleeping caused my fibro or sleep problems, just that my health issues made it where I was physically unable to sleep with my baby anymore. It was hard enough trying to sleep by myself, every time she sneezed or moved it would wake me up and I couldn't get back to sleep for hours.
> 
> How do those of you who co-sleep deal with the lack of sleep? Or are you just able to fall back asleep easily?
> 
> And something else I've always wondered: if your baby is always sleeping with you, WHEN do you have sex???


For someone with fairly typical sleeping patterns (no health issues) I think the key is that you and the baby are on similar sleep rhythms. I think it may start from pregnancy and just naturally move to sleeping outside the womb. So, you aren't being ripped out of a deep sleep but, rather, gently rousing at the same time as your baby. Of course, this is the ideal. That's how someone can get woken several times/night and not be totally sleep-deprived.

All that said, co-sleeping isn't for everyone and parents needn't feel badly if it doesn't/didn't work for them. Personally, I think night-time parenting would be very hard for a short while if a parent can't co-sleep but I also do think that a child may well sleep better (often) in their own bed. It's a trade off.


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## gardendweller

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cyclamen*
> 
> I think that kids have their own timetable. That said, my daughter is one who was probably capable and would have benefitted from separate sleeping space at a younger age. There was a little hump to get over, but then she took to it very well and began sleeping better than ever. So sometimes it's worth experimenting to see what kind of kid you have. In our case, I felt that I had hindered her a little from getting the best sleep she could have. But she is fine, healthy and growing so in the end it's no big deal.


I have wondered about this, experimenting with how my dd sleeps the best. I LOVE bed sharing and I know the last time I tried a transfer to her crib (right next to my bed, never been used!) she immediately woke and cried. But that was months ago. I have also considered bringing the spare twin mattress into my room and letting her have the king all to herself to see how she would sleep!


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## gardendweller

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amber3902*
> 
> This brings up a good point and something I've wondered about co-sleeping. I didn't mind the idea of co-sleeping with my daughter, but after only a couple of days I had to stop. After I had my daughter I was so exhausted, I didn't know it at the time but I had an fibromylgia. I developed severe sleep problems, so bad I was missing days from work. I wasn't diagnosed with these conditions until years later (after going to doctor after doctor).
> 
> I'm not saying co-sleeping caused my fibro or sleep problems, just that my health issues made it where I was physically unable to sleep with my baby anymore. It was hard enough trying to sleep by myself, every time she sneezed or moved it would wake me up and I couldn't get back to sleep for hours.
> 
> How do those of you who co-sleep deal with the lack of sleep? Or are you just able to fall back asleep easily?
> 
> And something else I've always wondered: if your baby is always sleeping with you, WHEN do you have sex???


I used to think I was going to die from sleep deprivation, but I have somehow gotten into a rhythm with how dd sleeps and I actually feel pretty good most days- I actually never planned on bed sharing, it evolved that way because it was easier for everyone, and now I just love it. As far as SEX, we take advantage of our spare room after dd goes to sleep  In regards to your fibro, I am so sorry you have been diagnosed, my sister has fibro and I have seen how she suffers, brightest blessings to you


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## manysplinters

If you are considering night weaning (or maybe partial night weaning, one thing you could try is for you to sleep else where for the start of the night, and then have your partner comfort the baby back to sleep the first time she wakes, and then if she wakes at 2 or 3 (or even later) then at that point you can join in the bed and have the snuggles and nursing, etc. We did something similar to this, although it eventually involved a transition for DD out of our bed altogether, but I have definitely found that if you have the right partner, removing yourself from being available can really nicely help with a transition to less, and eventually no, night nursing. Once that is no longer the expectation (for us it took less than a week with both girls for a new normal to be established) you can move back in, keep your DD in bed with you, and hopefully get a better night's sleep. It could be just my kids, but it seems that it doesn't take much time to change the routine of a really young child - a few days of less availability at night might do the trick. Good luck with whatever solution you find (and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel...the question is how long is that darn tunnel???


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## sparklemaman

Amber Most nights I fell back to sleep easily, occasionally not. For me the interrupted sleep was very difficult but I know DD would have (and then did when she slept on her own) wake and if she were in her own bed, require me to get up to comfort her/attend to her needs. Also, once in her own bed, DD did not fall back asleep as easily (meaning I could not fall back asleep as easily or quickly).

The sex issue was never an issue for us. We always found ways to be creative and weren't tied to being intimate in our bed. I feel like it actually made things better, as we connected and were playful and a got to be a bit sneaky. Being intimate while raising babies and toddlers is often challenging but it worked for us.


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## amber3902

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gardendweller*
> 
> I used to think I was going to die from sleep deprivation, but I have somehow gotten into a rhythm with how dd sleeps and I actually feel pretty good most days- I actually never planned on bed sharing, it evolved that way because it was easier for everyone, and now I just love it. As far as SEX, we take advantage of our spare room after dd goes to sleep  In regards to your fibro, I am so sorry you have been diagnosed, my sister has fibro and I have seen how she suffers, brightest blessings to you


Thanks, sweetie. I notice another important part of co-sleeping is having a supportive partner to help out as well. Something unfortunatley I did not have.


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## sageowl

Ds1: sometime before 2.


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## bayosgirl87

My almost-3-month old has slept up to 7 hours at times. Other times he wakes at 3 hours. It just depends on how much he's nursed throughout the day, I think.


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## USAmma

My child who has been a terrible sleeper her entire life, still sometimes does not sleep through the night at age 12 3/4 years old! We did manage to get her out of the bed before her sister was born, when she was 3 years old. Dh had to sleep on the floor next to her bed for a time to get her used to her own bed. I think she just is wired to sleep poorly. I give her melatonin when she's in a bad stretch.

My second child was an awesome sleeper pretty much from about 1-2 months old. She loved her crib that we started in our room. She would get tired and rub her eyes and lean towards it from my arms when she was about 5-6 months old, and would settle herself and go to bed. To this day she will put herself to bed and falls asleep within minutes. She only asks to sleep with me when she's sick. She's 9 1/2 years old.

Just goes to show, every kid is so entirely different.


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## researchparent

My first child night-weaned when I got pregnant again, when he was a little over a year. It took about a week of my husband managing his night-wakings, but after that he started sleeping through the night and continued to sleep in bed with us.

My second child is 18 months and still wakes up at least once a night. Sometimes I can whisper "Nummies in the morning" to her and rub her back and she'll go back to sleep without nursing, but at least half the time I end up nursing her so I can go back to sleep right away. However, I just found out I'm pregnant again, so her night-nursing days are numbered.


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## KarmasLilHelper

My firstborn (now 13) slept through the night from birth. She would sleep 7 hours in a row if she was in a cosleeper, and 12 hours if she was directly next to me. I would have to wake her a bit to get her to nurse. By the time she was a year, she'd sleep 14 hours if she was directly next to me.

My son began sleeping through the night at around 13 months. He went from waking 2 - 3 times to sleeping soundly for 12 - 14 hour stretches.

With my third, I didn't cosleep for the first 5 months with my 3rd because she was a preemie, had a worn mattress and was so exhausted that I feared I wouldn't wake if something happened. She is 3.5 now and still isn't a good sleeper. For the most part she started sleeping through the night at 19 months.

My 9 month old wakes 2 - 3 times. Once in awhile she'll decide that it's playtime at 3:00 and it'll take an hour or two to convince her that it's sleepy time. However, when she wakes to nurse, she's so quiet about it that I hardly notice.


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## contactmaya

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *KarmasLilHelper*
> 
> My firstborn (now 13) slept through the night from birth. She would sleep 7 hours in a row if she was in a cosleeper, and 12 hours if she was directly next to me. I would have to wake her a bit to get her to nurse. By the time she was a year, she'd sleep 14 hours if she was directly next to me.
> 
> My son began sleeping through the night at around 13 months. He went from waking 2 - 3 times to sleeping soundly for 12 - 14 hour stretches.
> 
> With my third, I didn't cosleep for the first 5 months with my 3rd because she was a preemie, had a worn mattress and was so exhausted that I feared I wouldn't wake if something happened. She is 3.5 now and still isn't a good sleeper. For the most part she started sleeping through the night at 19 months.
> 
> My 9 month old wakes 2 - 3 times. Once in awhile she'll decide that it's playtime at 3:00 and it'll take an hour or two to convince her that it's sleepy time. However, when she wakes to nurse, she's so quiet about it that I hardly notice.


This is interesting. What do you attribute to the differences in your childrens sleeping styles?

Its nice to hear other stories about young babies who sleep long stretches. People are always skeptical when i tell them about my first two who were good sleepers, like im lying or something....


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## stuckunderhere

With DS1 he was 25mos, right as he completely weaned after a late miscarriage (no more supply I guess). DS2 is about to turn 1 in a few days, and it is fulltime feeds all night long. He wakes like every 30mins lately and will not sleep unlatched. I am so tired! DS1 wasn't so bad as this...


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## contactmaya

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *stuckunderhere*
> 
> With DS1 he was 25mos, right as he completely weaned after a late miscarriage (no more supply I guess). DS2 is about to turn 1 in a few days, and it is fulltime feeds all night long. He wakes like every 30mins lately and will not sleep unlatched. I am so tired! DS1 wasn't so bad as this...


How exhausting. Do you dayfeed alot as well? He may be making up for less in the day...or alternatively, he may have sensory issues....does he eat something right before bedtime? I find that if i feed my now 20mth old plain yoghurt ( a tradition of ours for all of us) before bedtime, she will wake less. If for some reason she falls asleep before then, she will wake more often. I always nurse her to sleep though.....just a couple of thoughts...


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## gardendweller

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *contactmaya*
> 
> How exhausting. Do you dayfeed alot as well? He may be making up for less in the day...or alternatively, he may have sensory issues....does he eat something right before bedtime? I find that if i feed my now 20mth old plain yoghurt ( a tradition of ours for all of us) before bedtime, she will wake less. If for some reason she falls asleep before then, she will wake more often. I always nurse her to sleep though.....just a couple of thoughts...


I think my dd's problems with lots of night time waking has to do with not nursing enough during the day. She is just so distracted by EVERYTHING she really only nurses when she lays down to sleep for her naps. How often should a one year old nurse during the day? How can I get her interested in nursing more often during the day?!


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## lizzylou

My first was just about two years old and it did coincide with night weaning. My second began STTN sporadically really early, like around 4 months old. I just felt super lucky since sleep was quite an issue with her brother.


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## stuckunderhere

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *contactmaya*
> 
> How exhausting. Do you dayfeed alot as well? He may be making up for less in the day...or alternatively, he may have sensory issues....does he eat something right before bedtime? I find that if i feed my now 20mth old plain yoghurt ( a tradition of ours for all of us) before bedtime, she will wake less. If for some reason she falls asleep before then, she will wake more often. I always nurse her to sleep though.....just a couple of thoughts...


He feeds every 2.5-3hrs during the daytime, and has 3 meals (BLW), sometimes a snack if possible in the afternoon. I dunno what is up with him, but its been this way since he was born. We started off at every 45mins round the clock as a newborn. I am actually glad he can last almost 3hrs now. Whew! I have been trying dairy alternatives (vegan family), but he wont have any of it


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## contactmaya

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gardendweller*
> 
> I think my dd's problems with lots of night time waking has to do with not nursing enough during the day. She is just so distracted by EVERYTHING she really only nurses when she lays down to sleep for her naps. How often should a one year old nurse during the day? How can I get her interested in nursing more often during the day?!


I nurse on demand, and dont count. On the whole i nurse at waking, after breakfast (and she eats alot at breakfast), maybe once or twice in the morning, and then for nap. Once or twice in the afternoon, and then for nap, once before supper....then at bedtime...6-7 times a day maybe? It depends, sometimes its less.....


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## contactmaya

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *stuckunderhere*
> 
> He feeds every 2.5-3hrs during the daytime, and has 3 meals (BLW), sometimes a snack if possible in the afternoon. I dunno what is up with him, but its been this way since he was born. We started off at every 45mins round the clock as a newborn. I am actually glad he can last almost 3hrs now. Whew! I have been trying dairy alternatives (vegan family), but he wont have any of it


I wonder if you are consuming alot of gluten, that stuff can wreak the most unpredictable havoc.... a vegan diet can lead to a heavy dependence on grains/legumes...which might also have unintended consequences....


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## stuckunderhere

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *contactmaya*
> 
> I wonder if you are consuming alot of gluten, that stuff can wreak the most unpredictable havoc.... a vegan diet can lead to a heavy dependence on grains/legumes...which might also have unintended consequences....


Oh we are gfree too. Sorry forgot to mention... he is gluten intolerant


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## weliveintheforest

my older kids moved into their own beds at about 3, but probably didn't sleep through the nights all the time until 4 or so. My 2 year old will occasionally sleep through the night but not usually. I don't think most people actually sleep non sto the whole night, but some kids need more help getting back to sleep than others.


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## LiamsMommy

My son weaned just before his first birthday and slept through the night after that. He continued to sleep with me until we moved in with my DH and his girls. It was an easy transition because he slept with girls the first few months.

He is 10 now and sleeps all night in his big boy bed. Trust me there were times I NEVER thought he would LOL

My baby girl is almost 4. She just weaned with in the last few months. She still sleeps with us but we are ready to be in her own bed. Next milestone right?


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## BunnysMommy

How did you get her to sleep on her own? My daughter is 13 months and I would like her to learn how to sleep in her crib without it being too traumatic for her, so a no cry approach is what I want... Thinking of moving her crib to our room to start off but would love some advice... The "thing" she is attached to is my skin, preferably my boob... she is always reaching for it and if she finds that it is my husband instead of me she gets really upset.. Def a mommys girl. But I would really love for her to be in her crib because she fidgets so much and wakes me up frequently. Thinking of trying for baby #2 so I would like this figured out long before baby gets here so that she doesnt feel displaced because of baby.


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## sparklemaman

Honestly, I waited until DD expressed an interest in her own "big girl" bed. This meant waiting until she was 4 yrs old. She stopped nursing at night between 2-2 1/2 and I can't see that having gone well for us if I'd pushed it sooner. My DD needed and wanted me and nursing until then. And I was able to explain it to her by the time she night weaned. I am not saying this will be true for you though. Perhaps she could transition to snuggles/comfort from Dad at night? Big hugs mama!


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