# Gentle Discipline Resources



## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

*Gentle Discipline Resource List 
Compiled by your GD Forum Friends

~Please PM a moderator with any suggestions/concerns/additions to this list!

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You can see reviews for the books at Amazon too - links placed.









Books

The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self by Alice ******

For Your Own Good by Alice ******


Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child by Alice ******

Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser.
suggested by captain optimism
Takes a developmental approach to parenting according to your values. Emphasizes honoring your child's impulses and feelings and creating situations in which they can learn to become the child they want to be!
Website for book: http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html
*

*Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton
suggested by phathui5*
Based on biblical teachings, GBD (grace based discipline) is a nurturing, God-centered approach to parenting your child from birth to adulthood. Taking the stand that parenting is a covenant and not a burden, GBD insists on the formation of loving bonds of trust and mutual respect that begin at birth and will carry on throughout a lifetime.
Her website: http://www.aolff.org/

*Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey, Ph.d.
suggested by LoveBeads*
This book starts with the premise that you have a choice in how to raise your kids so that they cooperate with you: you can raise them with fear, or you can raise them with love.
I think this book is wonderful and I hope you all do to! From discussions of age appropriate behavior to the intolerance of spanking or otherwise humiliating a child, this book covers it all! The thing about it that is unique is that it forces you to address ALL aspects of your life, not just child-rearing since the way you ARE is intrinsically linked to how you parent.
Any questions, I am more than happy to answer!
[/b]

*Giving the Love that Heals by Harville Hendrix
suggested by Piglet68*

*How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber
suggested by Piglet68*
Website about the author:
http://fabermazlish.com/about.htm

*Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley
suggested by mamasan*

*Kids Are Worth It : Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline by Barbara Coloroso
suggested by akirasmama and journeymom*
Journeymom writes:

Quote:

Coloroso says that there are three types of parents--Jellyfish, Brickwall, and Backbone. The first two muck it up royally by being too wishy-washy or too firm. The parent with a backbone, however, can be stern when necessary and provide structure yet have the flexibility that children and families need. Coloroso applies these models to a variety of parenting situations, from toilet training to curfew setting.
I especially like how she clearly defines the "brickwall" parents (authoritarian, oppressive, do more harm than good), the "jellyfish" parents (permissive, wants to be their child's friend, do more harm than good) and "backbone" parents, who find a sane, sensible, loving, accepting and firm middle ground. I knew there had to be parents out there who parent this way, but all the parenting books I was reading were too much of the Brickwall style (I'd put Ezzo at the end of the spectrum here) or too much of the Jellyfish way. Or just didn't give specific advice on what to do when your child does thus-and-such.

*Parenting from the Inside Out Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell
suggested by water*
This is a book for those of us, like ME who are dealing with our own sh*t from childhood and how it is affecting us as parents. Especially with regards to my anger, I have found it very helpful in explaining some of the possible underlying reasons, and what I can do about it. It is fairly technical in places, but I like that. It also has good exercises for you to do to understand your own reactions to your child and where those reactions are coming from.

*Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen
suggested by mrzmeg*
Explains the idea that play is necessary to children and provides a unique way for them to connect and bond with their parents, and can also be used as a valuable tool to help prevent conflict and discipline problems.

*Positive Discipline and Positive Discipline A to Z.
by Jane Nelsen, PhD
suggested by journeymom*
I love and use regularly as a reference Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, PhD. I took a class based on this book last summer, through dd's school district. It picks up where Kids Are Worth It leaves off, in that -she helps you get into your child's mind to figure out why s/he is misbehaving. They do this when "they are thwarted in their need to feel they belong and in their need for love and attention".- Then she advises how to respond to your child's specific needs based on each situation.
I highly recommend as a referrence along with it, Positive Discipline A to Z. It's even more specific, kind of like a dictionary how-to. Everything from "aggression" to "zits".

*Raising Your Spirited Child and Kids, Parents and Power Struggles both by Mary Sheed Kurcinka.

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles (Kindle Edition)

Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed (Kindle Edition)

suggested by Elphaba*

Quote:

In Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, she offers unique approaches to solving the daily, and often draining, power struggles between you and your child. Kurcinka views these conflicts as rich opportunities to teach your child essential life skills, like how to deal with strong emotions and problem solve. With her successful strategies, you'll be able to identify the trigger situations that set off these struggles and get to the root of the emotions and needs of you and your child.

Quote:

Spirited kids are, in fact, simply "more"--by temperament, they are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and uncomfortable with change than the average child.Through vivid examples and a refreshingly positive viewpoint, Mary Sheedy
Kurcinka offers parents emotional support and proven strategies for handling their spirited child.

*Relational Parenting by Dr. Ross Campbell
suggested by heythere heather*
I actually read this when Erik was a newborn, but it changed my perspective, and got me looking forward to positive discipline. Here's a quote from an article he wrote about it:

Quote:

As parents, we all have a mental and emotional picture of what we want for our children. As we think of the many facets of their lives, we know in our hearts that we need to prepare them for life. This means reaching out to their emotions and their spirits, as well as to their minds and bodies. We must learn to raise positive, strong kids in a troubled world.
Parenting is about much more than just controlling behavior. It takes a whole different approach to parenting to help your child eventually take responsibility for her own behavior. Positive, relational parenting is based on four important foundation stones.
And here's a link to the whole article, a very good summary:
http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_...3D50018,00.html

*Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper
suggested by mamasan*

*The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears

The Continuum Concept : In Search of Happiness Lost
by Jean Liedloff
Website:
http://www.continuum-concept.org/

Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child
by Katie Allison Granju, Betsy Kennedy

Natural Family Living : The Mothering Magazine Guide to Parenting
by Peggy O'Mara, et al

Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent
by Meredith F. Small

The Mother Trip : Hip Mama's Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood
by Ariel Gore, Ellen Forney (Illustrator)

The Baby Book : Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two
by William Sears, Martha Sears

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be : A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years
by Laura Davis, Janis Keyser

Magical Child
by Joseph Chilton Pearce

Natural Learning Rhythms : Discovering How and When Your Child Learns
by Josette Luvmour, Sambhava Luvmour

The Path of Parenting
by Vimala McClure

When Your Child Drives You Crazy
by Eda Leshan, Catherine Whitney

Love and Anger : The Parental Dilemma
by Nancy Samalin, Catherine Whitney

Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be? : End Old Patterns and Enjoy Your Children
by Charles H. Elliott, Laura L. Smith

The Aware Baby
by Aletha J., Ph.D. Solter

Helping Young Children Flourish
by Aletha Jauch, Solter

Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting
by Myla Kabat-Zinn, Jon Kabat-Zinn

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles : Winning for a Lifetime
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Raising a Thinking Child : Help Your Young Child to Resolve Everyday Conflicts and Get Along With Others : The 'I Can Problem Solve' Program
 by Myrna B. Shure, et al

Parenting Young Children : Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (Step) of Children Under Six
by Don C. Dinkmeyer

The Whole Parent : How to Become a Terrific Parent Even If You Didn't Have One
by Debra Wesselmann*

*The Family Virtues Guide by Linda Kavenlin Popov
suggested by Mamasan*

*The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary D. Chapmafn
suggested by HeatherSanders*

*Powerful Struggles--managing resistance, building rapport--by John Maag
Parenting without Punishment-by John Maag
suggested by scoutycat*

*The Secret of Parenting: How to Be in Charge of Today's Kids--from Toddlers to Preteens--Without Threats or Punishment by Anthony E. Wolf
suggested by TranscendentalMom*
This is the perfect book that explains how to discipline gently and firmly. The main quality that is unique about this book is that the advice is so practical. So many books I have read on GD are so theoretical...its hard to understand how to apply the ideals to everyday situations. In Wolf's book he gives scripts...which show the logical way that conversations and arguments go based on the way you respond to your child. His idea of "disengaging" is so simple and yet so effective. Every parent should OWN this book...so you can highlight and go back and read again and again.

Read this helpful Mothering Magazine article here

*Websites:*

Twenty Alternatives to Punishment
http://www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm
by Aletha Solter, Ph.D.

http://www.nospank.net

http://www.neverhitachild.org

http://www.nopunish.net/

http://www.naturalchild.org/

Ten Reasons Not to Spank

http://www.stophitting.com/

http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/homepage.html

http://www.stoptherod.net

http://www.parentinginjesusfootsteps.org

http://www.ezzo.info

http://www.umich.edu/~urecord/0405/Sept13_04/24.shtml

http://www.aap.org/advocacy/childhealthmonth/spank.htm

http://www.religioustolerance.org/spankin4.htm

Alphie Kohn


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

*Alternatives To Punishment*
_Copy this list and post it where you can see it, as a constant reminder._

*Use positive reinforcement.

Create a positive environment.

Say yes as much as possible.

Save no for the important things.

Use natural consequences.

Use logical consequences.

Use restitution.

Leave it up to your child.

Compromise.

State your expectations, and get out of the way.

Give specific instructions.

Give a reason.

Offer help.

Give a choice.

Redirect your child.

Remove your child.

Make positive statements.

Give in occasionally.

Give your child time to agree.

Simply insist.

Make rules.

Ignore some behavior.

Avoid nagging and threats.

Distract your child.

Use humor.

Make it a game.

Be willing to admit your mistakes.

Stop and think before you act.

Don't make a big fuss over little things.

Stick to routines.

Don't hurry your children too much.

Get to the root of the problem.

Correct one behavior at a time.

Give yourselves time.

Use the golden rule.

Model appropriate behavior.

Think of your child as an equal.

Always keep your love for your child in mind.*

From the book Natural Family Living by Peggy O'Mara, editor and publisher of Mothering Magazine


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