# How to stop him from throwing things



## htovjm (Nov 9, 2011)

I'm hoping to glean from the wisdom of the mothers out there who have dealt with this. 

My son, 4-1/2, has been prone to throwing things out of frustration ever since he could walk. I have tried gently reminding him that we don't throw, I've tried verbalizing his frustration for him, I've tried giving him alternatives (stomping, etc.), I've tried taking the thing away that was thrown (I realize that this never works). None of these things are working. 

At times, this has been dangerous because he shares his home with me, a 2-1/2 year old brother, and a 6 month old brother who likes to lay on the floor and play. He always throws out of frustration--either because I have said no about something or because his skills don't match his perfectionism. 

I am beginning to realize that his brain has been wired to respond this way, and in the heat of the moment he is untrainable. He only has a second to choose his response. If I'm there beside him in that second, sometimes I gently grab his hand and tell him not to throw. But as you can see, I'm caring for two others and that's rarely the case. I feel like talking to him does nothing because he has responded this way so many times and it's become a pretty deep habit. How can I help him change his ways?


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*have you tried*

Just calmly, confiscating the thing he has thrown. "X is not for throwing, x is for_____, x is going to take a time out/get put away" (which is basically what you do about mauling pets etc. "Hands are for gentle pats"). Or calmly moving to another activity, but with 3 that's going to be difficult I know. You can also give him words like "I know you are probably frustrated because x did not _______" or "This is not working. I need help with this. Please help me...." When my son was little and hitting things/himself I would hold him tight and say "I will not let you hurt yourself". Maybe he needs more outdoor play time, more big physical play? Or maybe he's overstimulated/tired/hungry?


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## htovjm (Nov 9, 2011)

This does happen more when he is hungry. 

He also has free reign of the outside. We go for walks every morning. Do exercises every day. And have a big park adventure once a week. This is a necessity because he is a energetic kid.

I think the word that resonates with me most in your post was "calmly." I have been reacting a lot lately. Today I caught him pulling a necklace on his brother's throat and calmly told him how dangerous that was and that we can't do things like that. Well, later while I was changing a diaper, I heard my youngest screaming and he was dragging him across the room by said necklace saying he wanted it. I reacted pretty poorly. And I've removed the necklaces. 

I admit that I don't always act calmly. Somedays I'm calm, somedays I'm reactive. It depends on the level of back pain, the level of patience at the moment, how tired/hungry I am.... sigh. Something I'm working on...being consistent!


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