# My dd's horrid room, complete with pics (Update post 63/new pictures!!)



## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

I made the mistake of opening the door today.







I talked somewhat about our issue in the clean room thread not too long ago. Dd is 10, and this is regularly what her room looks like. We've cleaned/organized it over and over and over with her. We've gone through and gotten rid of stuff after threatening that anything on the floor would get thrown out - once last summer and once this summer. She doesn't seem to care for *anything* - things thrown out included birthday gifts and things that I'd made for her.









This (to me) is beyond ridiculous. Her bed is disgusting - how does she even sleep in it? I can't even come in to tuck her in. Also, if there was a fire, how in the heck would she even get out of her room? I *don't* have the time to help her clean/organize it all the time, and you know what...I don't want to.







I've done it more times than I can count, and she just absolutely refuses to pick up after herself. I'm tired of spending money on clothes that get ruined by wet towels being thrown on top of them (not to mention the carpet) and I'm tired of wasting money on birthday/Christmas gifts only to have them broken after she steps on them. I feel like cleaning out everything but her bed and clothes.

Any and all suggestions are appreciated.

Pics: http://www.flickr.com/photos/2128639...7606850273268/


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## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

She has too much stuff, period.

I think 90 percent of that stuff can go. Honestly. She cannot maintain it because it's overwhelming. Get back to the basics. She needs a bed and dresser. She needs some clothes, not tons and tons of clothes.

The bookshelf goes out into a common area. White shelving out. Toys should fit into the green bucket and that's all.


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## mazajo (Nov 3, 2004)

Operamommy, did you sneak into my house and take pics of my DSD's room?







Seriously, she's 9yo and her room looks just like that. I agree that too much stuff is the main problem. It is overwhelming for them to attempt to organize, plus I really think when they have so much they just don't appreciate anything at all. Less is more, you know? I would perfer to get rid of most everything in her room. DH and I don't quite see eye to eye on that at the time however


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PumpkinSeeds* 
She has too much stuff, period.

I think 90 percent of that stuff can go. Honestly. She cannot maintain it because it's overwhelming. Get back to the basics. She needs a bed and dresser. She needs some clothes, not tons and tons of clothes.

The bookshelf goes out into a common area. White shelving out. Toys should fit into the green bucket and that's all.

No kidding







way too much stuff. Box up all you can and find a closet to store it in. Have a garage sale. Donate it. Pass it down to younger cousin, sibling or friend. She needs to practice organization now so she has that skill, that habit for when life gets more complicated.

And on the plus side, it looks like it is just stuff, not old food and drink.


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## dawningmama (Jan 14, 2003)

That is exactly what my dds' room looks like! And exactly what my room looked like until I was about 17.









I agree, she has too much stuff. If it really bothers you and she really cannot get a handle on it, then you guys need to sit and sort through that stuff and keep about 25% and find somewhere for the rest to go.

I think PumpkinSeeds has some really solid ideas.

Once you have a system set up, I would suggest getting some sort of daily routine into cleaning. I do this now with my own bedroom (tidying it is part of my morning routine every.single.day---If I skip a day the room is out of control!) and I find it really helpful.

The mess in my own dds' room doenst really bother me. They keep their door closed. I ask them to clean about once a week, and we do a deep clean together every other month or so (where we get under the bed, in the back corners of the closet, under the furniture, etc). They can usually get it cleaned enough to see the floor and make their beds. I know they should have less stuff, but they do love their stuff so very much and, as I said, the mess doesn't really bother me all that much. I'm a messy person myself so I find some little bit of clutter sort of comforting.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Get ye to the decluttering thread on this board. Lots of great ideas there for culling the stash.


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## jake&zaxmom (May 12, 2004)

My 8yo ds's room looked very similar last year. I nagged and fussed and complained until he went on a camping trip with his Daddy for a couple of days. I took about EIGHT!! hours and just gutted it. Got it back to good. Got rid of TONS of things. Organized closet, drawers, books, under the bed, a zillion LEGOs, K'NEX, action figures, etc. I did my 5 yo's room too but his wasn't nearly as bad. Annnnnywaaay, when they got home we implemented "ROOM INSPECTION" that is done every night before bed. Everything must be in place before bedtime. Every day. No exceptions.

I haven't needed to deep clean it since. It never takes more than 15 minutes.

You could change the inspection time if you find that she does it slowly to delay bedtime. I sort of thought that mine would do that, but they haven't so far.


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## Scribe (Feb 12, 2007)

My room looked like that as a kid, too. My mom decided pretty early on that it was a battle she wasn't willing to fight and she just let it be, as long as the mess was confined to my space. Right around puberty, something snapped and I became a bit if a neatnik, which I still am today. I wouldn't stress about it, personally.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

my room was way worse as a kid.
i agree, she has too much stuff. it looks like you gave her plenty of things to organize it with but she doesnt want to use it. i see my DSDs looking to go that route. they tell me they have too much toys. so i get rid of a bunch of stuff. then they get sad b/c they dont have it. i tell them they didnt keep it cleaned up and it got broke. etc. b/c that is what happens. everything gets ruined when it is all over the florr, getting walked on.
i would help her to get rid of the stuff she doesnt use and the clothes she doesnt wear. if she is helping to make the decisions about what to get rid of and where it will go, it might be easier.
we just did this with 13 yo DS 2 yr ago when we moved. we brought only the neccessary stuff and threw away the rest. his room is easier to clean now.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I would encourage her to choose toys that she doesn't use much anymore to donate. Instead of making it seem like "cleaning" and "work", try to encourage her to see it as part of growing up, getting rid of the old things she no longer needs, and maybe let her choose a few new things for her room once she gets it to a livable level. I'm not the type to harass others about their personal space, but I do see how this could be a fire hazard and also a general safety hazard. Chances are she'd be happier with a clean room, but she may just see it as too much work. Try to work with her to bring it to a level you can both accept, then encourage her to keep it neat so that it doesn't get too overwhelming.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PumpkinSeeds* 
She has too much stuff, period.

I think 90 percent of that stuff can go. Honestly. She cannot maintain it because it's overwhelming. Get back to the basics. She needs a bed and dresser. She needs some clothes, not tons and tons of clothes.

The bookshelf goes out into a common area. White shelving out. Toys should fit into the green bucket and that's all.

Yes. And that mess looks overwhelming for an adult to conquer, much less a 10 yr old. I would make a deal that you're going to help her clean it this time, but you're also going to get rid of stuff together.


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## JenniferH (Feb 24, 2005)

Looks JUST like my dd's room, even down to the plastic book shelf.









I finally decided to go in there the other day and just organize and throw anything away that looked like garbage (wadded up paper). She was not happy. I told her if she can't at least keep it safe, I'm going to start pitching stuff.

I go through about once every 6 months and take out all the outgrown clothing to donate. It helps, but we are still a long way from neat.

Although I am not a neatfreak by ANY stretch, I expect it to at least be SAFE. I can't stand crap piled in front of the doorway!


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

I agree she has too much stuff. No one could manage all that, it would be a full time job. Throw away, give away, or ebay 90% of it. She has as many clothes as my 5 girls do altogether! Does she really need/ wear all of it?


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## tinuviel_k (Apr 29, 2004)

I agree: WAY too much stuff and clutter. It wouldn't matter how well it was organized: it is just too much. I think I would get rid of at least 75% (or more) of it and keep it simple, as another poster suggested. Keep the bed, the dresser. Put her books in a common area, get rid of all that storage space that is not working anyway. Donate toys, recycle all that junk paper, sell the extra clothes, and get rid of all that chaos! You say she doesn't care about any of her stuff and that it carelessly gets broken, moldy, and ruined. That is a sure sign that she simply has waaaaayy to much. She's over stimulated and can't deal with it all.
Once you've gotten rid of the majority of the mess and clutter you might consider doing a quarterly cleaning and purging of the stuff that crops up until she either learns to control the mess and respect her belongings or until people get the hint and quit gifting her with so much darned stuff.

Kids just acquire so much CRUD these days (I sure did as a kid!): Denali gets a ridiculous amount for birthdays and Christmas. I keep hoping that people will buy her less things for occasions, but they always seem to want to. We have "pre-holiday" stuff and possessions thinning just to keep it all manageable. Luckily her room is about 7X10 feet with a sloped ceiling so she literally has no room for tons of stuff. And our house is very small, so we have no choice but to keep it under control and free of extra stuff. I'll tell you: once a year or so we STILL have to do a "stuff purge" in our house, and I always feel so much lighter and more free afterwards.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Thanks for the responses! I agree - too much stuff. She hates to throw away anything. When we ask her to sort through what she no longer uses, she usually can only find one or two things. I will find time this week or next to go through it all again with her. I liked frontierpsych's idea of having dd look at it as a "growing up" thing...but not so sure it will work! I told her a few weeks ago that if we could get her room all cleaned then we could redecorate it soon (she no longer likes pink), but she didn't have a response to that.









I'm not sure why everyone thinks she has so many clothes? Several of the dresser drawers are empty (b/c the clothes are thrown on the floor!) and the closet doesn't really have any hanging clothes (the ones in the back belong to ds2). Maybe she does have too many. One of our probs is that we have to have 2 entirely different sets of clothes - 1 for school, 1 for play. We live out on 3.5 acres, and her clothes get *trashed* when she plays outside. Any tips for that?

I like the idea of getting rid of the storage that's not working. Unfortunately, there's no common area for her bookshelf to go to; our house is too small. I don't know how to break her of the pack-ratting. She lugs junk home from her bio dad's all the time. And yes, holiday gift giving from family is a problem here as well.

Maybe I can stress the safety issue to kind of soften the blow when it's time for the big sort out. The sad thing is, she had cleaned it up (or at least shoved it out of sight!) so that a friend could come spend the night on Friday. All the junk you see has been dragged out in only 5 days!

Keep the suggestions coming; I really appreciate them!


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

ITA with everything above. There is entirely too much stuff for her to handle. It is clearly overwhelming for her, and she needs help going through it and purging. There is just so much that probably can't even really enjoy her things and her room, and she should be able to.

My three girls have a book case that fits in their closet that they have their personal toys (those that aren't community toys in the game room that fit in three bins). They keep things in their spots when it comes to picking up. It is easy for them because there isn't much. kwim All of those personal toys are deeply cherished, too.


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## thisiswhatwedo (Mar 10, 2008)

I think she has way too much toys and junk. If you leave it up to here nothing will go. I'd take over a bit and ask her to pick out 10-15 thing she must keep but then you weed through the rest
if you have cable watch clean house, they go through messy overwhelmed houses and use the same techniques over and over. It might get you psyched up to go at her room
also if she agreed to having a sale and you could invest the money she makes in a big item (electronics perhaps) or save it for some wish list thing
good luck, I wish someone would clean my house!


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 

I like the idea of getting rid of the storage that's not working. Unfortunately, there's no common area for her bookshelf to go to; our house is too small.

Craigslist the bookshelf. No need for you to hang on to it if it doesn't fit anywhere. It would be a good example to set of how we need to get rid of things that clutter our lives. kwim


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## anitaj71 (Mar 1, 2006)

All those ideas are wonderful however I'd like to add one more: when my ds' room get gross I tell him he cannot make any plans or go out until it's clean. You're daughter is 10 so the above has to be altered obviously. I find that it really works. It's amazing how much stuff gets thrown out and organised when he has a deadline and wants to get out with his buddies.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

How about giving her garbage bags, and boxes labeled "Freecycle/eBay" and "Donate." tell her her room is her responsibility, and you're going to do the same thing in the rest of the house (or pick one room). Set aside a Saturday morning or something, and let her know you expect her to work, and there are more bags and bixes if she needs them. tell her if she has trouble decidng which box things should go in, to put them in the freecycle box and you'll help her sort them later.

Tell her your expectations, but let her know it's a part of growing up, a thing people do every once in a while, and see? Mama's doing it too to help keep the house working smoothly. call it summer cleaning. Tell her you'll help if she's overwhelmed, but she has to take a crack at it herself first.

Does she do her own laundry? She's old enough, I think. That may help her take care of her clothes better, if it's her responmsibility to clean them.


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## cera (Dec 6, 2006)

Do what I did.....
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=953261


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

If she wants to keep everything in that room, she needs to be a part of the cleaning, decluttering and organizing process. Just my opinion, of course.

That room looks overwhelming.

Does she need help every day with a reminder to tidy up? Does she need more bins for things? What about up on the shelf in the closet? She could put things up there like seasonal clothing and toys she wants to keep but doesn't play with often...

We went through this with our 9yr old. I finally got it down to a manageable size (still too much, imo, but it's her stuff). We take 20 minutes to tidy nearly every day. It keeps it under control. Also, we talk about things that don't get played with and perhaps she might want to donate them? It's a struggle but we're getting there!


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

Two of my kids' rooms look like that. The oldest one did too, until he was allowed girls over, then magically he started caring how his room looked









I go in about once a year and do a thorough cleaning. It could happen at any time, though, and if I clean I throw stuff out. I also just refuse to pay for things for them sometimes if I'm sick of their messy rooms.

With my kids, most of the mess is clothes and garbage. Apparently they are unable to see their giant hampers and garbage cans







:


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PumpkinSeeds* 
She has too much stuff, period.

I think 90 percent of that stuff can go. Honestly. She cannot maintain it because it's overwhelming. Get back to the basics. She needs a bed and dresser. She needs some clothes, not tons and tons of clothes.

The bookshelf goes out into a common area. White shelving out. Toys should fit into the green bucket and that's all.









:

I totally agree. This is how mine and my sister's rooms look(ed), and if I'm not careful, this is how my own home starts to look.

There is just WAY too much stuff for her to maintain. 10 toys, plus a few stuffed animals to keep on the MADE bed. And an easy to make up comforter with maybe a bed skirt to hide the boxspring.


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

Its just 'stuff' and its her room. My kids rooms look like that as did mine. Its not a battle worth fighting in my house.
HER ROOM , HER STUFF. however if you break it, ruin it, loose it etc, dont ask me to buy you another one.


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

I second the pp's suggestion for TV shows about cleaning up! _Clean House_ is good and so is _neat_. I used to love _Clean Sweep_ (Peter Walsh's show), but I can't find it anymore. _Mission Organization_ is pretty good, too. _KidSpace_ is good as far as redecorating kid rooms. I find that if the "omgwhattamess!" is coming from someone on TV about somebody else's mess my dd1 (7) is much more receptive than if I'm the one doing the nagging. She gets all fired up about how she wants to fix up her room if the show we watch has a kid's room in it, too. Both my girls are much more willing to part with things after seeing folks on TV do it, too. So much of the message we get from TV is "acquire, acquire, consume, consume" it's refreshing to hear "declutter - you don't really need that", y'know? A lot of those shows are on cable, but PBS has some good home shows, too.

I also agree that you need to model decluttering and organizing and call attention to yourself when you're doing it. Often when I finally get around to decluttering my own stuff I'm feeling a little self-conscious about it and not really wanting an audience, but it's much better to put myself out there and let them see by example.

We finally got through their room (dd1 and dd2 share) and it was every bit as much of a mess as your dd's. They were motivated, though, by all the organizing shows I've been feeding them and I did do the bulk of it myself. They helped, but I was under a deadline (home visit from dd2's preschool teacher) and needed to get it finished. They haven't wanted to mess it back up this time, though! I'm crediting Niecy Nash so far







!


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

My room looked like that. My mom made me (and helped) clean in periodically so that nothing was growing in it. She basically said if it's messy, but clean, it's my room and I can have it how I want. We also did a big donation maybe twice a year.

I turned into a fairly neat, and pretty organized teenager and adult. It's okay to give her ownership of her own space.

Maybe she's using it to assert some independence? Seems like a fairly innocuous way to do that.

Or if not that, maybe say whatever is on the floor in the morning when she goes to school (or whatever) is going to Goodwill and pick it all up and hide it from her.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Meh, it's not as bad as my room when I was a teen, LOL.

I agree that she has WAY too much stuff, especially if there's no room for it and she's clearly not taking care of it. Nobody should have stuff just for the sheer point of having stuff. I say help her clear it out - sell, donate, keep etc. Go through the toys, the books, the clothes and get rid of things she doesn't want or need.

DD's (9) room has a bed and dresser in her room. It's always spotless and she loves to be in there because it's her own quiet space.


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## greenmama (Feb 8, 2002)

I agree with all the posters who recommend getting rid of stuff and just wanted to volunteer what I do to address the "that is important to me" reaction that kids have when faced with loosing stuff.
What I do is tell dd that we are going to put stuff that I think she has outgrown and really doesn't ever use away in storage for a while . She can ask for things to be pulled out when she wants them and I will go get anything she specifically asks for by name from memory.
I let things simmer in the attic for 4-6 months. I then tell her you haven't asked for anything in a long time. Is there anything we put away that is at least important enough that you can remember that you own and want to keep it. I will then keep anything she can name. If she doesn't remember it I can get rid of it. She never gets to see what I am disposing of so she never remembers how "important" it is to her. This seems to work.
HTH


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## Phantaja (Oct 10, 2006)

I'd offer to help her sell some of that stuff on eBay or to Once Upon a Child. And by "some" I mean at least 70 percent of it. Maybe the added incentive of some spending cash would help. And if she does buy a little more stuff with the money, perhaps she'll feel more compelled to take care of it once she sees how money flows.

Another suggestion is to get rid of that plastic shelf. It takes up space. A few underbed boxes would do the same job with the added bonus of leaving no room for things to get lost and forgotten under the bed.

In my boys room, big toys are now decoration as well as things to play with. They have a four foot tall inflatable robot that's blown up and in a corner. Maybe her dollhouse could do the same thing? She might keep the room neater if it looks more "decorated," and it won't cost an extra dime. Think any of that would work for E?


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

My dd is 13 y.o. When she was maybe four I went through her room and got rid a bunch of stuff. I didn't even think twice about it. But she missed some of it and when I told her it was gone she was very upset. Other times cleaning her room she wouldn't even let me get rid of crumpled paper. I was utterly baffled and too harsh with her. It took me a while to realize that she's a bit of a pack rat like her dad and his mom, and that taking stuff away so abruptly was truly traumatic to her. However! I think this is the exception. Most kids aren't that attached to their stuff. Just be aware that it happens.

Her room regularly gets that messy. I'm currently plowing through it very slowly. Maybe half an hour every couple of days. I ask before I toss anything I think might be important to her. She's much more comfortable getting rid of stuff than she used to be.

I like the idea about selling stuff to earn a little money. I might try that with my kids.

And- dd started washing her own laundry when she was maybe 11 y.o. She does it all now, though sometimes I remind her (It's Sunday, do you have clean clothes for school tomorrow?)

Yes, when I was a kid my room was regularly that messy, too. It's a cycle. I agree, pick your battles. But I hated having a messy room. It made me depressed. And it's just not ok to abuse and neglect your stuff like that. So I think it's worth it to respectfully and kindly insist they clean their rooms, let me clean them, and keep them neat. We're not consistent. We do the best we can.


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## canadianchick (May 18, 2005)

DD has a friend who has a room that looks like that. When they go away, I take care of their cat and when I change the litter box, I purposely close my eyes when I go past her bedroom because the mess stresses me out. I could not live with dd's room like that but that's about me, not her.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

As a kid, I'd have all these noble plans to clean my room and no idea how to start. It really really helped to have my mom make a check list of things to do in order.

That should help things once you guys reduce her stuff and organize it.

I have no idea how anyone, let alone a child could keep that room tidy. It doesn't look like things aren't put away, it looks like there are no places to put things away. Very few of us have the time, energy, or inclination to maintain a system where there is just enough room for everything to fit. Generally people work best with systems that have at least 10% free space (e.g. loosely filled book shelves), and systems where objects have individual compartments (e.g. ratchet sets with slots for 7/16" and 13mm etc).


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

OMG - Ultimatum time, clean it or it gets donated


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

that looks like my entire house.
dd's room looks like that if i dont spend daily time on it..but since she is 3, that's really mostly on me, not her...


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OceansEve* 
OMG - Ultimatum time, clean it or it gets donated

We've done this...twice. Once last summer, once so far this summer. It didn't make any difference at all in her habits.









I understand what many have said about how it's her room and her stuff, but really, as you can see from the pics - there is a safety issue here. I do like what journeymom said a lot - that it's not okay to abuse and neglect your belongings. I think that's something that needs to be learned by dd.

I also like the idea suggested of a check list for daily cleaning after the room is cleaned and organized. That sounds like it would be a huge help.









phantaja - wonderful idea about under the bed boxes (if needed) instead of the plastic shelving - dd most definately has an under the bed crud issue as well!

And because I feel the need to defend myself a little







even though no one has pointed any fingers at me....we *really* have worked with dd on her room and her belongings. After I helped her organize/clean last time, (and after crap on the floor got taken away b/c she wouldn't pick it up) she was left with her barbies, polly pockets, stuffed animals, art supplies, and a few other things - ALL of which had designated bins.

I think a huge part of the problem is that she just doesn't value anything. Phantaja mentioned perhaps dd would feel more inspired to neatness if her room was more decorated. What you can't see in the pics is that it is.







There's a beautiful border all around the top, with matching fairy stick-ups on her dresser and applied to the walls in various places. I hand-painted wooden letters that spell out her name, and also hand-painted pegs shaped like butterflies for her to hang purses on. She also has a very pretty quilt, sheet set, and bed skirt that she won't use.

I feel like I've done something really really wrong with not only dd, but also my ds1. I went down to his room this afternoon. Holy crap. It's almost as disgusting. To top it off, he has 2 parakeets that he just won't. clean. up. after. daily. I'm ready to get rid of them, and have threatened to do so. (if you have birds, you know what a HUGE mess they create). The game system we bought him is on the floor, along with dvds out of their cases everywhere.

thanks for letting me vent.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
We've done this...twice. Once last summer, once so far this summer. It didn't make any difference at all in her habits.

I'm guessing since it still looks like this, you haven't made good on the ultimatum. Empty threats d nothing but get ignored. She has no motivation to change her habits if she knows nothing will be done. Since you've given her the chance and she ignored it, donate her stuff like you said you would.


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## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

You sound just like my mom.







Honestly, though, that's exactly how my room looked at that age. The problem is just too much stuff, really. I totally know what it's like, even now, to have no idea where to start so I don't start anywhere.


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

The next day they go to school they come home to almost empty rooms and no birds! Get rid of them. Its not fair to the animals. If there are things you don't want to trash/donate, stick them in an unmarked box in the attic. Sorry if that came off mean, I have a friend that I hate going to her place because it looks like that, everywhere. She doesn't clean up after her cats properly and it just drives me mad, but thats the way her mom raised her.

Just a thought, go volunteer at a homeless shelter or children's home. Maybe seeing those with nothing might inspire them to donate and treat their stuff better.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
I understand what many have said about how it's her room and her stuff, but really, as you can see from the pics - there is a safety issue here. I do like what journeymom said a lot - that it's not okay to abuse and neglect your belongings. I think that's something that needs to be learned by dd.

I think a huge part of the problem is that she just doesn't value anything. Phantaja mentioned perhaps dd would feel more inspired to neatness if her room was more decorated. What you can't see in the pics is that it is.







There's a beautiful border all around the top, with matching fairy stick-ups on her dresser and applied to the walls in various places. I hand-painted wooden letters that spell out her name, and also hand-painted pegs shaped like butterflies for her to hang purses on. She also has a very pretty quilt, sheet set, and bed skirt that she won't use.


These paragraphs jump out at me to the point I was trying to make about how she does not value what she has. There is simply too much. When there is very little and only the really neat stuff, she will see their value and care for it. If she doesn't care for them, then what is the point in having it? It is just creating problems.

I think it is important to teach children to care for their things because it does become a lifetime issue. DH and I talk about it all the time with the way people treat (neglect) their cars or homes/yards. These are the most expensive things they own, and they are trashed. There is just no respect for it. kwim So, we have made it a priority to instill the importance of taking care of your belongings.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SAHDS* 
I'm guessing since it still looks like this, you haven't made good on the ultimatum. Empty threats d nothing but get ignored. She has no motivation to change her habits if she knows nothing will be done. Since you've given her the chance and she ignored it, donate her stuff like you said you would.

We did donate her stuff...as I said, TWICE. Not threats, we're talking actual donation of everything that was on the floor at the time. The first time it was a large rubbermaid tub full of things, the second time an almost equal, if not larger, amount. This included her most recent birthday gifts - an American Girl doll bitty twins set and accessories. I don't do the empty threat thing. As I said, it made NO difference at all in her habits. She was sad about her stuff for a few days then got over it. The only things that were saved were items handmade by me (she doesn't know that these were saved; dh packed them away in a box because he knew they were important to me).

As for why there's a lot of things still, as I said, she brings stuff home from her bio dad's and also buys items (namely stuffed animals) with her allowance money ($2.50 per week). Also, she does receive *a lot* from family at holidays. And, as you can see, she saves every last piece of paper she's every put pencil to! Oh, and we also have some items (like the green tub full of blocks, etc) that are stored in the basement to be brought out occasionally. She will drag them up to her room then never take them back down.

ma_vie_en_rose, you've hit on exactly what I'm worried about - that it's going to become a lifelong habit. It already has, to a certain extent.

This *can* be changed, right? Not just the room, but the important stuff?


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## mama_daba (Dec 7, 2004)

i have not read the whole thread so maybe this has been said but

my room looked way worse when i was a kid and i was a total packrat to. what helped me break away from my packrat tendencies was to put stuff in boxes when moving and then not unpack everything all at once. it was a way for me to realize what stuff i actually want and use. i still have to much clutter but now i enjoy getting rid of stuff. also i make a promise to myself that if i later regret having gotten rid of something i can replace it. i don't think i have ever replaced anything but that knowledge makes it a lot less scary to get rid of stuff. i;m not sure how you could apply these things with a child and if your house is small putting her stuff in boxes may not be an option but maybe you can come up with something else that does work thats similure?


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
This *can* be changed, right? Not just the room, but the important stuff?

Like a previous poster said, someday it might just click for your daughter and she will take over keeping her room neat. But I really think it's based in Nature (vs. Nurture). Some people have a natural inclination to keep order. Some people do not. Still, it's our jobs to remind, over and over, maybe even until they're adults and no longer in our homes, to keep their rooms reasonably neat.

Kids are selfish. When I was a kid I just figured _I had a right_ to all the stuff I was given. And I had a right to neglect and lose stuff, too, and on top of that I was too lazy to take care of my stuff.

It's not until we've worked _hard_ to acquire something ourselves that we're motivated to truly take care of it by ourselves. Buying something with an allowance just isn't the same, even when the allowance is merit-based, though I do think that's a great first step towards learning that lesson.

The Decluttering, Organizing and Simplifying forum here bears this out. We adults struggle mightily to keep up with our Stuff. It's just normal.

And so far, with my own kids, I've accepted that _for now_ it's simply on me to periodically go in and clear things out. It's what I need to to be satisfied.

Dd had a VERY difficult time academically in seventh grade last year. It was really painful. I think she realizes her chaotic room didn't help. It wasn't a good place to do homework. Her desk has a hutch covered with knickknacks and I asked her if having that clutter looming over her at the desk was bothering her, she said YES, it is in the way. So I packed up the birthday angels and the sports trophies and am getting ready to take the hutch off. *IF* (big if) I get crafty I'll put cute shelves up for her to display her birthday girl figurines and her trophies.

A couple of help-your-child-stay-organized-for-school sites that I visited said that clutter really impedes a person's ability to study and do homework. Kids bedrooms are pretty small and we typically cram too much stuff in there. I'm starting to suspect that seriously simplifying dd's room, even more than my original plan, might be even more helpful.

However I am finally getting around to consistently insisting they do certain things: no towels, no wet bathing suits, no garbage, no food, no community property in the bedrooms.

Birds: take them out of the bed room, put them in a public place for all to enjoy, and understand that you are going to end up cleaning the cage and caring for them sometimes, if not most of the time. If this really distresses your son, let him take them back and try again. It's not to punish him, it's to ensure the living animals get the care they deserve.

Dd has a guinea pig. His cage was in her room at first. But 1) her messy room made it difficult to get in there and properly clean his cage and 2) guinea pigs make messes, too, and it just was NOT ok that there was bedding and turds all over the place. So now he's in the family room. His cage gets cleaned more often and he's more sociable. He likes it, we like him.

Gosh, sorry about the long post. I guess I had a lot to say.


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## imagine21 (Apr 7, 2007)

Had the same problem with dd's (11) room. I sent her to camp and while she was gone, I emptied her room, repainted, put in a closet system, a functional desk with a filing system, new bed linens and window coverings, large floor pillows for her and her friends and returned to the room ONLY what I thought was necessary and age appropriate. She was so excited about the changes that she didn't even care that I got rid of some of the old stuff. She even acknowledged I did a better job and made better decisions that she would have. Now that she has a place for everything, she has been keeping up with the organization. It's not perfect but a vast improvement.


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## Scribe (Feb 12, 2007)

I honestly can't imagine how invaded I would have felt had my mum done that when I was that age. Obviously it works sometimes, but I think it could very seriously backfire.


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## Alicia P (Aug 15, 2008)

My dss room used to get pretty messy. His dad got fed up one day and went in and took everthing except the funiture and clothing. He said earn it back piece by piece, if you want something you have to do something, set the table, take out the garbage, etc..... He earned back his most prized possesions, and lost intrest in the rest. His dad and I got to sort through it for goodwill or trash. He now keeps his room decent b/c he doesn't want to go through that again.








btw, he was 9 when we did this, and he is now 14.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

I think some of these suggestions are harsh. This is really a sensitive topic, huh? We all have such different experiences and expectations.

OP, have you talked with your dd about what she wants for her room? She might surprise you with some good ideas. You guys could brainstorm and figure this out together so you are comfortable with it and she is not feeling invaded.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

I haven't had this problem yet, but wanted to recommend Flylady and Don Aslett's (the Clutters Last Stand guy) books. DA has a book specifically for getting family members to help maintain the household but I can't remember the name, sorry. As for Flylady, she has a section just for children/parents. They're both very inspirational IMO.

I agree w/ everyone else--too much stuff. Once you toss and organize (and I think you'll have to do it b/c it truly looks overwhelming) show her how the system works, and don't let anything else in unless it has a home. In other words, if bio dad gives her another stuffed animal, an existing one will have to go. Even my 3 y/o understands this concept and it really cuts down on the "wants." It's not being mean, there's just no space for it. That also applies to paper--she can have a memory file or box, but once it's full she (or you) has to cull it. That's the key to neatness--you just have to constantly do it all the time, not in huge bursts.

Personally, I think it is a battle worth fighting. I would've loved to have had a messy room like that, since I inherited my father's messy gene vs my mom's organized one, but my mother just wouldn't allow it. If I didn't keep things tidy I lost them, and it was definitely a violation and caused anger on my part (and frustration on hers I'm sure) but it worked and I'm pretty darned neat and organized as an adult.

ANyway, Flylady and Don Aslett.


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## tammyswanson (Feb 19, 2007)

Hey, it's not _that_ bad..in the one picture you can see part of the floor!!


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

I think most of the time folks can get a handle on this as adults.

But sometimes they can't, and it can lead to a lot of problems and worries for them. (CPS, things merging into squalor in the event of illness, ect.)

I think it's one thing if you know your DD has the tools to take care of her environment and she's choosing not to. But obviously, from your description, she doesn't "get it". And you know, that is fine and not a defect on her part as there are a ton of us who don't naturally ever get it.

But that means you are going to have to sensitively and gently teach her, as well as making some pretty firm boundaries. Just so she is in the habit and knows how to do things, the idea is in her head that she can donate things, ect. Once you know she truly has the capacity to decide for herself (rather than being stressed or inclined to just do what comes naturally) then I think you let go.

But I think parents are being remiss if they don't equip and teach their kids about how to deal with stuff and keep things tidy.

I am more like the DD here by nature. My parents are both total neat freaks. I was only shamed and screamed at, but never taught anything about cleaning, or keeping house, or how to tidy things (to be fair, I'm not sure my parents knew how to teach that since their nature was almost the opposite of mine). Thankfully I've had friends, my DH, and a wonderful housekeeper mentor me and teach me, and while my house is never white glove inpection ready (I would never feel comfortable about that due to my baggage from childhood) I am proud of my home, and I'm never afraid of inviting people over, and I know how to call for help if I get overwhelmed and need to take care of something quick.

So to me, this is not a "leave it alone" or "force her to be Ms. Clean" type of situation. As parents we have to sometimes teach our kids skills that A) they don't find wonderful and fun and B) don't come naturally to them. Once we know they're capable and especially when we know that they are capable adults, we need to learn how to back off and not overstep OUR boundaries. The learning in all these areas should help save our kids suffering in the long run, as well as improve our relationship with our adult kids (which in my opinion is my main goal for how I parent. I am looking towards the future a lot, I want my kids to be independent from me but also to actually want me in their lives, and sometimes that helps me clarify how I approach things and with what attitude). I don't want to handicap my kids as I was. On the other hand, in no way do I want them to be shamed and scared either.

I hear your frustration. I also hear compassion. This might not ever be a real easy area for you and DD to negotiate since it sounds like you are very different people in this regard, but you can work with this!


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Very small update: I talked with dd tonight about her room. We went over safety issues and too much stuff, etc. I let her know we were going to cull through her room and donate a great deal of stuff. Tonight I just had her work for an hour, throwing away all the paper everywhere and putting clothes in the laundry bin. I also told her to pick 4 Barbies to keep and showed her how all the Barbies and their clothes had to fit in a small bin, and gave her a clothesbasket to start putting the rest in for donation. She wasn't thrilled, but she wasn't fighting about it either.







She said at dinner that it would be nice to be able to run through her room again.







I told her we'd work at in an hour or so per day till it was done.

I had a similar talk with ds1, and he worked in his room for an hour also. At dinner I almost fell over....he shared that he was RELIEVED that I was making him go through his stuff!







:

Thank you sooooo much for all of the responses. Each and every one has truly been a help - I plan on continuing to put many of the suggestions to use. Hopefully sometime in the next week I'll be posting pics of dd's *clean* room! I really do think after the mess is conquered in both rooms that I need to be better about reminding them to clean and organize on a regular basis. I tend to get so busy with the little ones and the house that I forget that both dd and ds1 need a lot of supervision when it comes to their rooms. I'll be making up room cleaning charts for them this week too.

I'm really hoping that this is a step on the road to helping dd value her things. She mentioned tonight that she really wants me to sew her a doll for Christmas (I'm making one for each of the little boys) and I told her that I needed to know that she'd value and take care of it first, since making one is such a time/work commitment. Hopefully if I start complimenting both of them lots on their clean rooms that will help as well.


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## mamabeca (Oct 3, 2004)

It's interesting, this discussion about it's their stuff, it's our house, it's our responsibility as parents, etc...

My neighbor had a mom who did the room cleaning/declutter thing FOR her, and she HATED it. She felt totally violated and she will NOT do it for her (4) kids. Result: they have a very detailed system involving rubbermaids under the bed, and that their desk-tops must be cleaned off every day, but the drawers are jammed full of stuff, and their closets are a nightmare. Their floors are pretty tidy, but only because she goes through and picks up all the laundry every morning.









I, otoh, did NOT have a mom who did that, and I regularly clear out my kids' stuff. I clean their rooms about 2-3 time a month, and chuck out papers, junky toys (like the kind from the prize desk at the kiddie restaurants and stuff from goodie bags - gosh there's a lot of plastic slinkies for sale in the world!). I make sure that they can walk, and I am serious about keeping toys in the communal space. My kids have clothes, furniture, books, stuffed animals, and a few little things in their rooms, that's IT. Dd has quite a few jewelry boxes and stuff, they are clutter enough! Also stuff like magazines and stuffed animals - they can be kept tidy or chucked out. If the floor is impassable she gets ONE chance to tidy it, then it's my turn.







She's flip flopped a bit - sometimes she cares, sometimes she doesn't. I do NOT return things that I clean up, not very often, anyway.

Also, there are incentives. My friend J told her dd that she could get her ears pierced (something her dd REALLY wanted to do a LOT) when she'd kept her room clean for 3 mos straight. She did, got her ears pierced and it's back to mess-dom for them. But she was ABLE to do it, and is now able to clean up well, even when things are pretty chaotic. She knows the less stuff there is to take care of, the easier it is to get cleaned up.

This doesn't work for my dd, but it might for some.

Anyway, the interesting thing about all this is how different people are - some have higher tolerance to the mess, some are very sensitive to intrusion, and some could honestly care less. Knowing your dd, would she be happy with very (VERY) few things in her room and less to care FOR? Or would she be happier with more stuff and cleaning more often?

Working through this will be great for you two to explore more about her needs and talents, and build trust between you. Same goes for ds, who - it sounds like - is a very insightful young man.









I think you are doing awesome!


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

Reminds me of my own room as a kid/teen. I would take about 50% of the toys & clothes out and see if that helps.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamthesmilingone* 
No kidding







way too much stuff. Box up all you can and find a closet to store it in. Have a garage sale. Donate it. Pass it down to younger cousin, sibling or friend. She needs to practice organization now so she has that skill, that habit for when life gets more complicated.

And on the plus side, it looks like it is just stuff, not old food and drink.









: to much stuff but it isnt dirty at all that is great.


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## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

So, what happened?


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## zebra (Oct 26, 2004)

Both my kids, ages 13 and 11, had rooms that looked like your pictures, if not worse. Now they are pretty darn clean. Here's what worked for us:

The amount of mess is too overwhelming for a kid to deal with alone. A parent needs to work alongside the kid to make progress.

Instead of trying to organize as we went, we just sorted everything into 4 containers (bags or boxes): trash, recycling, give away, and keep. Items with an obvious home, like books, could be put away, but we didn't spend any time deciding where an item should go. That is much easier later when the room is not in a state of chaos. It's amazing how much trash and recycling is buried in there! And be brutal about the "give away" section; this can be very hard for kids. As many others have said, too much stuff is your biggest enemy.

Once everything is sorted and off the floor (a huge job!), you can vacuum and begin organizing! Whee!

My DD wanted to have a sleepover party for her 11th birthday, so we had a built-in incentive to get her room clean: there was simply no room for a sleeping bag on the floor, let alone 4 sleeping bags. If there is no event like that to use, I would recommend some kind of reward when the job is done.

To motivate my kids to keep their rooms clean, I use *_gasp_* BRIBERY. Every weekend that their room is vacuumable, they get five dollars. The room doesn't necessarily have to be vacuumed, but there needs to be nothing on the floor. The five bucks is on top of the $15 per month allowance they get no matter what.

My son's room has been clean for several months now, which is a first. It's only been a month for my daughter, but I'm optimistic!


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## DoingDoing:Julie (May 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jake&zaxmom* 

I haven't needed to deep clean it since. It never takes more than 15 minutes.

You could change the inspection time if you find that she does it slowly to delay bedtime. I sort of thought that mine would do that, but they haven't so far.

They'll do it quickly if you time it after dinner and before desert!!! Just joking.
I agree, donate stuff somewhere!!! Especially where she doest seem to really care about her stuff. AND do a daily clean up.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

What bothers me is the safety factor. What if there were a fire or other emergency? It would not only be dangerous for your daughter to get out, it would also endanger the lives of the rest of the family and rescue personnel.

Get rid of most of it, except for one toy bin, and the dresser. Or get a bookshelf that can fit into the closet. Under the bed bins can be used for books and things too.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
We live out on 3.5 acres, and her clothes get *trashed* when she plays outside. Any tips for that?


I don't think she needs 2 entirely separate sets of clothes. I grew up on a farm, so we had to have "work" clothes. We really only had 3-4 outfits - basically 2 weekends' worth. Personally at my house we're trying to pare everyone down to 2 weeks' worth of clothes at any one time. (I hate doing laundry, or I'd go to 1 week.)

FWIW, though, my room looked like that when I was a kid. My mother *hated* it. You should see my house today. We have an organizational chart, and we clean daily. While I'm still naturally messy, I cannot function in all of the clutter, so I've learned to adapt. I'm sure in the end she will, too.

My only rule for kids' rooms as they age (still too little) are no food, community property items, or wet items left in bedrooms. Beyond that, I'm pretty open.


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## Crystal Pegasus (Jan 24, 2008)

Just keep in mind that for some people... kids or adults... if they are really attached to their possessions (many even have mental/phsychological disorders that contribute to this and form attachments way beyond what most people can understand) then forced removal can have very traumatic results. It can lead to true hoarding behaviours in adulthood.

I personally know several people for whom this is a really serious ongoing problem that they have struggled with for many, many years, resulting from well meaning parents or other adults deciding to *clear out the junk* for them, or psuhing/forcing them to do more than they felt comfortable with. Some even become attached to what we would consider absolute trash... or worse.

I understand the concern with safety, and sometimes hygiene, but if your child is overly attached to things then you really need to take this very cautiously and sensitively- it's sometimes not just a matter of being *messy* or *lazy*. If you are concerned about the effect it may have, or if she seems to be reacting extremely, then a chat with a counsellor who has experience in this kind of thing would be worthwhile. It's much easier to approach this in the right way now when she is young, than inadvertantly create an even bigger problem for the future...


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## mamahart (Sep 25, 2007)

My 11 dd has had a room very much like your daughters. The resounding 'too much stuff!' from other posters can sometimes be more complicated though. I noticed lots of folders and notebooks and this is my dd's primary mess because she writes and draws ALL THE TIME. So I didn't want to crush this lovely aspect of my daughter. And it is obvious you have attempted to help her organise with little drawers/shelves etc.
We just - once again- cleaned out dd's room and now I have 2x per day that I literally stand in her door and make her spend the 2-5 minutes picking it up. Once in the morning and once in the evening. She balks at me telling her what to do but enjoys her space much more. I am SICK TO DEATH of the epic 4 hour room cleaning bonanza so this is working better for me and honestly, even with her objections, for her. I am hoping I can adhere to my new fantastic plan for helping her keep her room clean.
Now if someone could just help ME with the kitchen....


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

i was messy when I was a kid and gave my mom a headache over it. now i'm the opposite and my 3 y/o dd has luckily followed in my adult footsteps and insists on picking up every last thing and putting it in it's proper spot at every nap time and every night before bed as well. Her room is the cleanest, most tidy room in the house. I don't clean it for her but, rather have her clean it herself or clean it with her. she has no objections to cleaning at this point as she is used to it being part of her routine.

it has to become routine. you'll just have to make a "it must be clean every day" rule. an unmade bed, or stack of that night's homework on a desk is ok... you can't be totally anal about it but, clothes on the floor, food wrappers, or toys anywhere but, where they belong is just asking for a pile to form.

Honestly, since you've tried and tried and attempted punishments and the room is still in that bad of condition I would take everything out of the room besides bed, bedding, and furniture (dressers, shelfs, etc.) I'd stach the truely meaningful stuff (but not give it back to be misstreated in the room again) and give away every single toy and unnessesary personal item. I'd keep her clothes in a seperate room like the laundry room until she can prove they can be kept tidy in her room again. She doesn't need any of that stuff if she is treating it that way. No reguard or respect for personal items, your hard earned money, your authority, or your home. Not to be mean at all, heck, I was the same way when I was a kid. My mom never emptied my room and quite honestly, I wish she would have so I would have gotten the point earlier. it's not too long before things get unsanitary in that situation. As a parent you also need to be in charge of where her daily clothing is going. Nothing she wore that day should land on the floor... that how things end up getting worn far too many times, get stained, or go unused and wasted. She has to learn by you enforcing it on a daily basis. Take it from someone who knows how she is thinking, she isn't just going to make a life change on her own overnight. Also, make sure you're a good example by keeping the rest of the house and your bedroom in the condition you would like her's to be. You probably already are but, just in case you're not, she isn't going to listen to a "do as I say, not as I do" plea.

some may not agree with taking things away and insist it contributes to future issues but, honestly any approach you take can have any number of effects. The best thing to do now is to solve the current issue and do so in a manner that doesn't make her feel bad about herself. A lesson in possesions is in order. You can be kind and snesitive while dishing punishment. Allowing a hoarder to hoard is only enableing. Break the cycle while she's young!

Good luck!


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

We did it! We cleared out everything except what would fit in 3 small bins. In addition, I allowed her to keep books and 6 stuffed animals. Between her room and my ds1's room, I think we took about 15 bags of stuff to Goodwill.







: Their rooms have actually stayed clean for almost a week now. I've been having them straighten up every night, and then we picked Saturday as their day to dust, vacuum, and change their sheets. I'm soooo happy!







:

Here's dd's new improved room:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/2128639...7606850273268/


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

CONGRATS!

How do the girls feel about it?


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## dawningmama (Jan 14, 2003)

Yay! Great job!!

Does she love it?


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

OMG- that does not even look like the same room! WTG


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

I'm sorry, but i think you need to back off and leave her alone. If that's the way she likesit, then it's her choice, not yours. It's HER room, and HER stuff! My own kids have room's that look worse than that and I just let them decide how they want it. They don't clean their rooms and I don't hassle them about it. Choose your battles...and this isn't one worth fighting.


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## chezzacakelady (Sep 2, 2008)

oops, I sent a post twice! Thought I should delete one!


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## chezzacakelady (Sep 2, 2008)

I stumbled on this post while stressing out about my dds' room!







It's been very helpful to me too, I have taken on the idea of having a 'room inspection' every evening. We already have a jobs chart and dds' and ds 'tidy' their rooms each day for some pocket money, but their tidy-ing isnt the same as mine! all of their clothes end up stuffed underneath the beds and beside wardrobes and who knows where, so a room inspection is just what we need, it means that I actually have to get up and check their rooms before it ends up in a worse state than before!








When it comes to getting annoyed at the mess in the rooms, the reason that I get upset about it isn't necessarily the mess itself as the children have got to play and have their own space, its more to do with the fact that they dont seem to listen to me or respect what I am asking of them when I ask them not to just throw clothes around and stuff them into places and when I ask them to get out the set of toys that they want to play with not the whole toy box, just to look after them a little more, but each time I go into their rooms, they have done the same thing again! It's not even like they have a whole load of toys, we haven't the room for it!
One thing I found that does help the job not to seem so daunting though is to split it up into sections, I have split it up into 4 sections: 1.make your bed 2.put your clothes away 3.put your shoes away 4.put your toys away. They dont moan nearly as much when I ask them to do one job at a time!







:


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## chezzacakelady (Sep 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
We did it! We cleared out everything except what would fit in 3 small bins. In addition, I allowed her to keep books and 6 stuffed animals. Between her room and my ds1's room, I think we took about 15 bags of stuff to Goodwill.







: Their rooms have actually stayed clean for almost a week now. I've been having them straighten up every night, and then we picked Saturday as their day to dust, vacuum, and change their sheets. I'm soooo happy!







:

Here's dd's new improved room:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/2128639...7606850273268/

I love it! I think it's important that children learn a bit of responsibility and their room and their own possesions is a great start! It means that they are learning to respect belongings and the living space!! WELL DONE YOU!


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## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

Major improvement. Looks great and much more manageable.


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## Profmom (Feb 13, 2002)

Good job in helping them dig out. I don't agree with the folks who say 'their room, their stuff, so leave it alone.' I used to get totally discouraged, and even depressed, about the state of my stuff and would just 'give up'. Having it that way doesn't mean they *like* it that way. Heck, I am an adult, and sometimes I need a hand getting a 'mess' tidied up.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Thanks mamas.







I'm so proud of dd for working so hard to get it cleaned up. I think she must really really like it - she made certain to show it off to the neighbor's little girl, and she's been making her bed (unasked) every single morning.







Ds1 has been doing a great job too.


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

My dd has struggled a lot with room organization as well. I have to say, it extends beyond her bedroom, ie her desk at school, keeping school papers straight, etc. While I wish that I could just say that her space should be left alone, it's not that easy. I think that some kids, my own is a good example, who simply cannot organize their environment and thus orgnize their actions and thought processes without some real teaching. It all becomes an overwhelming jumble and they need lifelong tools to begin to wade through it. The skills around taking care of her room, being aware of how different kinds of spaces make you feel, ie does the clutter feel ok-at what point is it not OK?, etc. have had a positive impact on other areas of her life. I know this isn't everyone's kid, but I wanted to toss it out there that sometimes this level of disorganization and being overwhelmed tells us something more is going on.

And because I know my dd will rapidly slide backwards with her clean room and doesn't want to be nagged, we keep it very clutter free-the things that are important to her, books, some figures she plays with at night , drawing and writing stuff in her desk, are there. We have labled every space so it's entirely possible for her to put things away where she's determined they should go. I have donated piles of clothes in order to get down to a basic wardrobe that easily fits in her cupboard.

My space where I let it all hang out-the playroom, which is far out of sight. Everyone needs a space where they can be messy, creative, etc (very arts oriented family), so that's the space the kids use. BUT, dd doesn't have to sleep there, or organize homework, etc, which is key. All about balance I guess.

ETA: The book called The Organized Student by Donna Goldberg is interesting reading.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

WooHoo! Congratulations on all the hard work. It looks fantastic. I am so glad she is proud of what she did. That will help reinforce the new lifestyle. I really hope she keeps it up.


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## mamahart (Sep 25, 2007)

Nice job Mom and daughter!!!! I'm still waiting for someone to help me with my....laundry room!!! last week was the kitchen but that is ok now. This week I want my laundry room organized beautifully and possibly an evening check








Why oh why must we ever grow up??


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## nancy926 (Mar 10, 2003)

I think it's great. i know there is a school of thought that says "leave their rooms alone" but unless they are solely responsible for their own laundry, finding schoolbooks, homework, etc., then I don't agree. Plus, if no one teaches you how to keep things clean, how do you learn? My room was always a mess and my mom hounded me about it but never offered to help show me how to clean it or keep it clean. Perhaps as a result, I am still far from neat.


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