# When does fussiness diminish/end?



## TudoBem (Aug 30, 2004)

A question for all the moms out there with those super fussy newborns. At what age did it get better?
My son is 8 weeks now, is still fussy most of the day, needs constant motion, rarely naps and won't nap on his own (must be in sling with us walking or bouncing), sleeps a 3 hour stretch at night and then only 2 hours or 1 1/2 stretches. My husband goes back to work tomorrow and I'm wondering how I'm going to cope. Caring for him is absolutely exhausting! He's healthy, has good weight gain and is feeding well, so there aren't any nutrition or health issues. We can get him to stop crying when we do the techniques from The Happiest Baby On the Block book, but we have to keep doing them continuously for him to not start crying again.
I kept hearing that things get remarkably better at 3 months, but then our pediatrician just told us that it could be between 3-6 months. I think I can handle another month, but I don't think I can handle 4 more.
So, those who had similar babies, when did it end? I need some hope!


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## srain (Nov 26, 2001)

For most of my friends, 4 months. For my son, about 18 months. It felt like people were always making up new milestones- "after 3 months it'll improve..." and when it didn't, they'd say "well, after 6 months...." and so on. Good luck- I hope it's sooner for you!


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## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Welcome to MDC!

I've been there... my firstborn was like that.

My sister flew in week # 2 and just held him the whole time for me (I was losing my mind) and it saved me... she gave me the much needed break I needed.

The







sling was a life saver. But I didn't figure it out till he was 5 months old (thanks to a LLL mom) and with my 2nd, she's been in it since she was weeks old.

Also, and this is VERY important - I didn't stay home. I went out, walking the malls, LLL meetings, made new mommy friends, had weekly playgroups, etc... I didn't cook the first 6 months! Just trying to get my bearings. Personally, I needed to go out and talk to other people.

Is there a family member who loves babies willing to come to visit... just to give your tired arms a break? Ridiculous, I know, but I remember what it was like!

Are you co-sleeping? That saved me too - he woke up every 2.5 hours to nurse, but it wasn't a big deal 'cause he was in bed with me.









Give yourself (and baby) pep talks.
"You are OK, you are safe, I love you. I am safe too. I am taking great care of you (you are!)" Keep the mental dialogue in your head positive. Otherwise, you'll get down on yourself.

I know this is a major adjustment and something (so intense) you weren't expecting. I sure wasn't.

My 2nd - no where as High Needs as he was (though she loves to be held, carried, walked too). But I'm 100% better because I "know" what to do know, so taking care of 2 ain't that big deal (she's easy - I just carry her in the sling everywhere.) Unlike her brother, she's been sleeping 5 hours straight from the beginning, sometimes longer.

Though with my 2nd, I went through the horrible "Witching Hour" for the first 3 months. From 5-10pm she was fussy and miserable. Nothing helped! She really wanted to be walked, but I couldn't do it the first 2 months, so I just held her/rocked her/nursed her as she cried.

I never went through that with my first.









Things WILL get better. Hang in there!


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~ (Mar 7, 2004)

Both my boys have been like that - ds2 is better, though. 3 months seems to be the "magical" age for us and others we know.
I think it is helpful to try for a few days straight to help baby fall asleep on his own - by that I don't mean crying it out. I will lay baby down on the bed when he is tired and rub/pat his back (kill me, I put my babies on their tummies), stroke his little nose to get those eyes closed, make comforting noises (shhhh) until he falls asleep. I keep this up for a few days and it seems to get baby to learn to fall asleep when in bed. I make sure his arms are positioned so he can easily suck on his fingers/fist to help himself sleep a bit.
Neither of my kids fell asleep feeding after the first two weeks, so I needed a way to have them sleep and keep my sanity.
I also tried to keep in mind that although feeding on demand is important, baby and mommy need sleep. So when they were very fussy or gassy, I would stretch out feedings a little till they settled. I don't let them scream or anything, just give them the soother and hold them and wait an extra half hour or hour if they can handle it. My boys were both high need/high suck and really fed more than they should - to the point of being very uncomfortable. Once they had a really good feeding, I would keep them up for a half an hour or so and then do my go-to-sleep routine.
I just find that fussier babies need a bit of a schedule - nothing rigid, mind you, but structure is helpful, I think. It's worked wonders for both my kids because they had irritable tummies and colicky evenings. Once I worked out giving them a bit of a timeline for feedings and naps, they started sleeping longer during the day and at night. Honestly!

Another thing that has REALLY helped me this time is cutting down on my dairy and fruit intake. It practically cured my son's fussiness. I haven't eliminated all dairy, but mostly milk itself and cheese. The only fruit I eat is pear.

And yes there is light at the end of the tunnel! Find someone you can cry to other than your dh, someone to build you up! I have had two very tough babies so you can pm me anytime







I know how you feel!


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## TudoBem (Aug 30, 2004)

Thanks for the ideas and encouragement. Hopefully he'll get better at the 3 month mark. It does seem to help to look forward to those time landmarks. Lately I have been trying to recruit help to give myself a small break. Between sleeping little at night and not being able to nap during the day, it's been a real endurance challenge. These fussy newborns are challenging!


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## RufusBeans (Mar 1, 2004)

It will get better!

DD started getting better around 3 mos. Good luck and hang in there!


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## anudi01 (Aug 11, 2004)

Please don't flame me for saying this...but it might not get better at the 3, 6, or 9 month mark. My DS is nearly 13 mos, and he still wakes every hour to hour and a half to nurse, and in the days he requires A LOT of attention. I have always nursed on demand, sling carried, and slept with my baby, so there is no lack of affection or human contact here. For the first 4-5 months, my son had severe colic, that improved, but the restless nights and restless days did not.

What helped me was to stop having expectations for the little ones. You are really just setting yourself up to be let down, in my opinion. They just aren't capable physically or emotionally to take your needs into consideration. Babies just NEED! They don't have the capacity to wait, and sometimes, unfortunately that means the Mama or the Papa, or other caregiver just has to suck it up and do without (i.e. sleep, food, shower, bathroom, etc.)

I don't mean to cast a shadow, I really don't. I hope that you do have improvement with the fussiness very soon, and you may! But if you wait and wait for that magic time to come, and it never does...you may end up resenting your Baby, and that's just not fair.

Sorry to sound dismal. Sometimes you just gotta roll with it. You manage without the sleep...you just do!

On the other hand, High Need babies, which I suspect yours is, are just so bright and excited about life. They learn so quickly and eagerly. It is really amazing to see them in action. My DS is so AMAZING. I wouldn't change anything about him. I really wouldn't. And if that meant I had to go thru the sleepless nights, I would just try to catch up with them in the day like I do. One day at a time, Mama. Just Enjoy. Put things into perspective and enjoy your baby.


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## jstar (Jul 22, 2004)

you have my baby! or at least my baby had the same issues









it is TOUGH and exhausting. i felt a little frazzled for a while.

you'll be happy to know you're nearing the window of him getting better. we had the every afternoon and evening fussies terribly between a month and about 10 weeks. by 3 months i really felt he was significantly easier and spent a lot less time crying. still doesn't nap much

you might not have a napper. the sleeping patterns haven't changed a whole lot (still usually 4 hour max stretches with lots of 1-hrs or 2 hrs). and he still wants to be held all the time. i consider my ds a high needs baby in the 'hold me' department. and he's in daycare so he doesn't get to be held all day. i try to hold him as much as possible at home but i can now put him in the exersaucer for 20 mins or so when i need to cook dinner or do dishes. so life got a LOT easier once that happened.

hang in there. 8 weeks is approaching a better phase.


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## scrapadoozer (Jun 10, 2004)

For my daughter, things started getting quieter around the three month mark. She is an adventure baby and as soon as she could roll over and "do" things she started feeling a lot better about the world.








Wishing strength and peace for you, Mama!


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## Galatea (Jun 28, 2004)

3 months. The evening cry tapered off by then.


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