# Do you say anything when you see someone babywearing "wrong"?



## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I see lots of threads of exasperation here about how when mamas are babywearing, people make comments like, "Oh, is s/he okay in there?" "Can s/he breathe?" etc., and I totally understand the frustration -- I babywear a lot, and although so far all the comments I've received have been either positive or just curious, I can imagine how frustrating it'd be to constantly have people insinuate that you were doing something wrong with your baby.

So, all that said, do you do or say anything when you see someone who _is_ using a sling or wrap incorrectly? I saw a mama with a ring sling the other day, and it was waaaaay low, and the (newborn) infant inside it was just kind of swinging around, banging against the mama's body as she walked. It looked so uncomfortable! But I didn't feel like I could say anything because she'd probably interpret it as just another person ignorant of babywearing getting all nosy and critical. And I'm sure the baby was safe, even though the sling wasn't positioned correctly, so I didn't see any reason to stick my nose in her business.

But it just made me wonder, have you ever given someone babywearing resources to help them position the baby and the sling/wrap correctly?


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## Patchfire (Dec 11, 2001)

I haven't, no.

We were at Disney World and DH saw a lady with her baby in a mesh adjustable pouch. Not sure what kind. Anyway, he was talking to me about how "big" and "low" it looked. I told him that maybe just maybe she liked it that way? He wanted me to go over and make a suggestion to adjust it tighter. I told him, well, if I were out with dd2 somewhere and I had done something incorrectly, I'd be pretty embarrassed if someone came up to me and corrected it. Which is true.

Now, if I have at least a passing acquaintance with someone, or we've struck up a conversation about other subjects or they otherwise seem receptive, then yes, I would and have.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Speaking as someone new to babywearing, who isn't sure she's doing it right half the time, I'd welcome some friendly instruction. But I think it would really depend on the tone you use and how you approach the person you're trying to help. If I were wearing a sling incorrectly and endangering the baby, or just making it unnecessarily harder on myself, I'd want to know! But no one likes a know-it-all or busybody, so you'd have to be really tactful.


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## JessicaTX (Jul 9, 2006)

I have, first I admired the sling being used, then reminisced on how I used to sling mine, then said my kids liked to be snuggled up so much higher when they were tiny. I didn't actually adjust her sling or anything, but she did tighten it up a bit as I admired her cutie inside it. maybe she was trying to get him away from me? lol


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## Dabble (Jun 14, 2007)

I've seen some terrible examples of babywearing and have said not a peep to any of them. Maybe some of them would have appreciated the help, and maybe some help would have kept them babywearing longer or with subsequent children, but I am not that type of person. I would not like someone coming up to me if the situation were reversed, unless they were very skilled at making me feel comfortable and worked their way around to the topic.

One situation in particular stands out where I saw a woman at a children's museum walking around with her DD (about 9-10 months) in a suuuuuuuuuuuuper low-slung outward-facing front carrier (like a Bjorn or look-a-like). I'm NOT exaggerating, the baby's feet were level with the tops of the mom's knees - Just picture that! The straps were as long as the could get, and the baby was just dangling there, flopping around at every movement. She also had a toddler on a leash with her and looked very harried and frazzled. I kept running into her as we explored the museum and thinking how I could make them both so much more comfortable with a few adjustments, but she did not look very friendly or open to conversation.

I would have loved to see the difference for her after the carrier had been corrected, but I honestly think she would not have appreciated any suggestions.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JessicaTX* 
I have, first I admired the sling being used, then reminisced on how I used to sling mine, then said my kids liked to be snuggled up so much higher when they were tiny. I didn't actually adjust her sling or anything, but she did tighten it up a bit as I admired her cutie inside it. maybe she was trying to get him away from me? lol

That sounds like a great way to have handled it. I'm no babywearing expert, but if I ever see a mama and know that can't be safe/comfortable, I'll try to approach her this way.


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## mama2toomany (Oct 17, 2005)

if its someone I know, yes I have made suggestions and even readjusted the straps for them or flipped the pouch shoulder over, but if it was a stranger, unless it looked like the baby was going to fall out or something, i would keep my mouth shut


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## cchrissyy (Apr 22, 2003)

I don't say anything. I see a mama often who wears her Ergo backwards, but really, what can I do? maybe she does it on purpose.


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## Dabble (Jun 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cchrissyy* 
I don't say anything. I see a mama often who wears her Ergo backwards, but really, what can I do? maybe she does it on purpose.

Backwards? How is that even possible? You mean like inside out ... Or has the baby in wrong?


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

I've seen mamas with babys in sling too low too. I think its a common thing. The box that the sling came in had the mama wearing it too low!


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

I saw a mama at the librar with her LO in a sling that was all bunched around her neck. It took all I had to not go over and fix it for her.

What about offering to help "straighten" it when it is obvious a mom's hands are full?


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## lucifugous (Nov 13, 2008)

I haven't noticed any gross errors, but I generally wouldn't feel comfortable saying anything to a stranger. Unless it was quite dangerous. For all the reasons other mamas have listed- I'm not perfect either and wouldn't want someone critiquing my babywearing. Also I don't think I am tactful enough to pull it off without being overbearing. Yet. working on it!


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## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

I saw a woman making huge ring sling errors last year. Like the child was just strapped to her (not in a sitting position but straight as a board), the rs was really twisted up all the way around, it was up on her neck, and the kid was like 3 so it had to have been extremely painful for her. I didn't want to say anything until I got my own RS on but by the time I did she was gone. I don't think I could say anything to anyone unless I was BWing at the time too. I hoped that I could go over and talk to her and just let her see how it's supposed to look. I carry cards for the local bwing shops/groups so I can give those out if needed. Maybe they could get a better carrier or come to a group and learn.


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## Dahlea (May 15, 2008)

As a newbie myself, I would love it if someone would tell me/help me figure it out better. You can only learn so much from youtube videos and diagrams! As long as you are nice about it, and don't come off like you're so much smarter, etc. I wouldn't mind a little helpful advice (as long as the person actually knew what they were talking about!)


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## jennifercp8 (Nov 10, 2005)

I usually approach it with a compliment, a quick intro, etc. An easy one is to go up and say "I'm sure you get this all the time, but can I give you a hand?" Especially if they are putting the LO on, etc. It usually leads into a quick convo about BW and how I also BW. I may leave it with a suggestion by saying "Hey, just a little tip I learned from someone, but you might want to try ___________. It was a lifesaver for me!"


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

I have, lots of times. I try to be as friendly and non-critical as possible, and I try to open the conversation with something about how great it is to see another mom using a baby carrier, it's so convenient, but hey, can I show you a trick that might make you more comfortable? (adjusting sling, with running patter about how baby needs to be high and tight as would be in arms, rather than low and loose, etc.)

And I def. have said something on more than one occasion about making sure baby is not chin to chest with airway obscured like in one of those terrible Infantino SlingRiders. Those things are a hazard.

Generally I come across as open, friendly, and helpful, not critical or judgmental, and I have found the vast majority of the time that people are receptive and grateful for help.


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## onlyboys (Feb 12, 2004)

Someone did this to me once. She wanted me to turn my sling around (ring sling and I had it on backwards). I had it on backwards on purpose, though, because the rings really bothered my collarbone when I had the rings facing outward. Does that make sense? Anyway, she was very in my space with the whole confrontation and made me feel really silly.







:

I still wore it backward; it felt better that way!


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## FernG (Feb 14, 2008)

Someone corrected my one time. I had DD in a pouch backwards on purpose. Her airway was not obstructed. She had missed her nap while we were running errands and was getting crazy-hyper and angry. The stimulation in the grocery store was too much, so I slipped her in the sling so that the sling mostly covered her eyes. She instantly relaxed and fell asleep. (If I had been wearing a ring sling, I could have just used the tail, but I didn't even have a blanket with me). Anyway, a mom corrected me in a friendly way, and I explained why I was wearing DD incorrectly and that her airway was okay. I did feel a little nervous and conspicuous after that, though.


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## AnnR33 (Aug 1, 2002)

I've seen 2 people/strangers wearing ring slings with the rings on their backs-can't be comfy! But alas, I never said anything.

I did see a woman with thin craft rings on her ring sling and I did start chatting with her and then commented that the rings on her sling were not meant for slings and she should know they they could break (they were already bent). She gave me this strange look and told me she's used this sling for years and never had a problem. I said that was good! But she might want to change the rings or get a different sling. I knew she was not going to but at least I felt better for telling her.

If I'm in a group that I know people in like La Leche league or a play group and someone new comes along and is using their carrier wrong I will approach them and ask "how's that working for you?" They usually say they are having problems and then I can help.


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## alysmommy2004 (Jun 23, 2006)

When I'm out I've only ever seen two types of babywearers. The first type are the ones that know what they're doing and I've never noticed them making mistakes. The second type are the ones wearing Bjorns and those are pretty hard to wear wrong. I have on occasion seen someone wearing a mei tai low, but I don't comment on it because when mine was little he loved to nurse in the MT and that meant moving him down like that. No one ever knew he was nursing, so I figure that those moms might be doing the same.

I did once have someone come to me and help me with my babyhawk and I really appreciated it. I had just started back carries and was told the lexi twist was the most supportive. The other mom came up to me and mentioned how that wasn't comfortable for her and knew another way to tie it so she showed me. It was wonderful! I was so appreciative that she had done that. Otherwise I might not have known it was an option.


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Where I live slings like hotslings, the peanut shell, etc are really popular. I frequently see moms tugging at them when the fabric gets all bunched up at their neck. Or they use one too large and the baby all but falls out.

How could I approach these moms?


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## Ivan's Mom (Jul 10, 2006)

A "sling expert" at LLL has told me twice that I was wearing Matilda incorrectly in my HotSling. I tried it her way and it hurt like heck after less than 5 minutes! I looked on the HotSling website and they recommended wearing the baby the way the LLL mama told me to, but I wont.

I like it the way that I wear it and Matilda is always happy and has never fallen out not gotten her circulation cut off. So, maybe the wrong way to some is the comfortable way for others.

The recommended way to wear the HotSling (folded in half and having baby sit up high) killed my shoulder and back in less than 5 minutes and made Matilda cry.


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## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

You have to do what works for you. Particularly the ring slings bunched at the neck, it is in fact more comfy that way for many people especially men.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I find it incredibly annoying (no offense Arywn, if you read this thread







)

Unless my kid is dangling by one thigh or turning blue, leave us alone. We're fine.


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

I know I wear my ring sling wrong but when I wear it correctly it hurts. The rings dig in and my back just hurts. So I think maybe some moms do wear the slings 'wrong' on purpost so I wouldn't say anything unless it was obvious they were having problems.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

I have no idea when a mom's bwing "wrong". I'm new. I have a Moby and was silly enough to buy an Infantino sling.







What a waste of money. I love my Moby but I find it so incredibly uncomfortable most of the time. Even if I adjusted ds2 so he was "high and tight", he inevitably became low and loose after about 20 minutes- the waist wrap and tie would *always* ride up and pull my shirt up and the baby would go down, down down...
I'd love if some mom had shown me what I was doing wrong.


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## BlueMonday (Aug 16, 2007)

I do approach people if they seem to be having trouble or when their baby is screaming and they're frazzled...usually pouches and sling needing to be tightened (DD hated getting lost in all the Psling fabric when she was tiny). When applicable, I like to pass on some advice that really helped me, about positioning the baby more diagonally, rail-to-rail, than flat in the pouch which does result in chin-to-chest unless everything is super snug or the mama has a blanket under the babe. Not sure if people resent the intrusion or might take the advice home and try it next time, but I know I had to figure everything out by trial and lots of error.


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## caenach (Jun 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jennifercp8* 
I may leave it with a suggestion by saying "Hey, just a little tip I learned from someone, but you might want to try ___________. It was a lifesaver for me!"









:

I can't imagine many situations where it couldn't be done with subtlety like this if you felt you just had to give some advice. Start up the conversation with a general comment about bw'ing and then phrase the advice in terms of something you learned or something that helped you if the person seems interested in talking to you?

I would never stand for someone tugging on my sling or wrap while I'm wearing DD. Ugh. But I guess I'm sort of a self-help kind of person. If I was uncomfortable or wanted help--I'd be the one to walk up to the babywearing mama, go to a babywearing group meeting, or look it up on the net.


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## nursingmom (Nov 24, 2001)

It's been a while since I used my sling (6 years gap between my second and third) and I was wearing it completely wrong at a grocery store. Another mom came up to me and adjusted the sling for me. I apprecited it so much! My back was hurting no more! I still remember how she came and helped me. Please do say something! Even after years of babywearing, I needed adjustments!


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## bmcneal (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
Speaking as someone new to babywearing, who isn't sure she's doing it right half the time, I'd welcome some friendly instruction. But I think it would really depend on the tone you use and how you approach the person you're trying to help. If I were wearing a sling incorrectly and endangering the baby, or just making it unnecessarily harder on myself, I'd want to know! But no one likes a know-it-all or busybody, so you'd have to be really tactful.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dahlea* 
As a newbie myself, I would love it if someone would tell me/help me figure it out better. You can only learn so much from youtube videos and diagrams! As long as you are nice about it, and don't come off like you're so much smarter, etc. I wouldn't mind a little helpful advice (as long as the person actually knew what they were talking about!)









:

I'm *so* not good at understanding the videos, so I would *definately* want a more experienced BW mama to help me!


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

There have been many times when I needed to stop and adjust my carrier because it had worked itself lose, or the baby had changed position themselves, or something had gotten twisted or whatever, and I was just waiting for a time and a place where I could stop with a baby and two other kids to get things sorted out. If somebody stopped me to tell me what was wrong while I was looking for a chance to stop and hadn't found one yet, I might just cry.

One thing with slings especially, some more than others, is that they work themselves loose slowly and you don't always realize it right away.


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