# Parents w/ADD- Support thread- 4!



## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Well, here we go, a brand new thread.























Our last thread has outlived its usefullness due to being so very very long.








I thought we might actually do a roll call this time.









Here's me-

*Heidi*- ADD- on meds for depression and anxiety, but not ADD.







My challenges are mainly connected to keeping house, and getting everyone where they need to go. On time does not exist in my world.







There's lots more of us- post an introduction, and lmk if you'd like me to edit you into this post.









The main purpose of this thread is to share trials and ideas for dealing with parenting while dealing with ADD or ADHD. We discuss meds/no meds, vitamins, supplements, diet, lifestyle, books.....you get the general idea!









This is one thread where you don't really have to worry about typos or reading the whole thread, or crashing us w/aam stuff! We'd rather you just join us and start talking.









this is a support thread.


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## joycenjackiesmom (Sep 4, 2004)

I hope this an ok thing to ask in your support thread. I'm wondering when/how you (any of you) determined you did have ADD/ADHD. I have been questioning if I have ADD lately. It seems that every year my life gets more and more difficult to manage and keep up with and looking back at the times I have been most able to manage I had someone else to help me organize myself and keep me on track. I have difficulty meeting deadlines--even remembering that I have something to do that has deadline is difficult. It is hard for me to finish things I start and have found myself with so many things going through my mind that I can't focus on anything. So while I know many of things are possible symptoms of ADD (I don't think the H would apply to me) but it seems that it would of been noticed earlier in my life---I'm 44. Anyone else discover they had ADD at a similar point in life? What suggestions can you offer as far as obtaining a diagnosis? Any other ideas that may help me feel a little more on top of my life? Thank you!


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

hi, i'm damona. i'm 30. i've had ADD all my life, but i've never been medicated for it. my biggest challenges are organization and being a perfectionist. it probably sounds odd, but i cannot seem to get my house to stay clean, so i've kind of given up. i never know where to start, we have too much stuff, and i kinda just don't care anymore. i mean, i sweep and vacuum and do dishes (well, DH does!) and that, so it's not filthy, but there are stacks of books and piles of toys and... somebody out there has to understand!

i dropped out of high school in part b/c of the ADD. i just couldn't focus or stay interested, and, at the time, my parents were too wrapped up in their own problems to help me much. i got so tired of hearing the "we don't understand how you can fail ___, we know you're smart" line. so. very. tired. of. it.

i start projects constantly, promise too many people i'll do too many things (tho i'm getting better about that!), and being back online seems to have made it worse. i'll start a post, get sidetracked, and come back to it hours later.

i also have 4 sons, 3 of whom have ADHD and 2 of whom have aspergers or autism. it's like living in a small, disorganized, circus.

ETA: all of them have ADHD, only 3 are medicated. we can't medicate our 7yo b/c it has the reverse effect on his system.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hello! A lot of mommas I've talked to, irl- have only figured it out after having kids for a while! Some people can compensate very well- to a certain point.









If you have insurance- look at your behavioral Health options/coverage, and seek a diagnoses.







What you describe is pretty typical, btw.









this is a perfect question for our crazy group.







Anyway, If you took your post to a psychiatrist, they'd be able to help. Many of us here have your exact problems!!! We keep trying new things. Generally we'll have a pattern or rhythm for a while that works, but then it doesn't and we need to adjust it. We make lots of lists.

and welcome!!









Hi, Damona!!







welcome!

Well, you're not the only Circus Master...







Another classic frustrated perfectionist here, too. If it seems undo-able, I just... don't









My DS1 most likely has ADHD...I don't have the H either...although sometimes It seems like it'd be a help!

Both of you fit right in here!

oh, and here's a link to the previous thread.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...136600&page=15


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

hi! I'm here, still, scatterbrained as ever but I have successfully done most of the housework this evening so







.

I'm 22, 2 children (2.5 and a newborn) and have a SO who behaves like a child









Right now I'm taking prozac for depression, which is actually helping. It brought me from a total basket case to functioning decently. as in, I'm not flying off the handle with irritability, I'm not spending the entire day "winding myself up" or asleep or wishing I was asleep, I'm enjoying my kids (to a point, lol) and I have more patience. I'm also able to get 3 hot meals out every day and keep up decently with the housework. so, feeling better. There's still a long way to go for sure, but I do think the medicine is helping me start to feel more normal.

Anyone have any experience with the focus ADDult homeopathic drops? I want to try them but I'm nursing 3 week old dd so I'm a little hesitant.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi there!








I thought homeopathics were generally safe during nursing? That's why I started taking homeopathic remedies, actually! I've never heard oof them, I'll have to google them.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Hey!

I'm Sara, still undiagnosed ADD.







Honestly, I'm sure I could get a diagnosis, but it probably wouldn't change anything for me.









Right now I'm the lifehack queen. I just had my DD (still feels weird writing DD







) 2.5 weeks ago, and am slowly adjusting to having 2. Funny enough, it hasn't yet been as rough as I'd thought it would be - Nomi is a very calm baby, and after my high-needs DS, she seems SO easy. Of course, DS is still driving me up the wall (he takes after his mother







), but I'm already used to doing that. Just getting sick of the double diaper changes.

Homeopathics are generally safe while nursing, except for things meant to detox. So you should be ok. You can do some Googling to make sure.

Remember that most women are ADHD - Inattentive, not ADHD - Hyperactive (the typical ADHD you hear about in kids). It manifests very differently in women and men.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Hey!

I'm Sara, still undiagnosed ADD.







Honestly, I'm sure I could get a diagnosis, but it probably wouldn't change anything for me.









Uh, what she said. No really. I'm also Sara, also undiagnosed, could but have never bothered because then I'd just have a fancy acronym and some doctor's bills, nothing more







.

I'm going to TRY to keep up with this thread now. Really, really try. Really really really really really. I need it. I need a support system right now







.

And Sara... CONGRATS!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

THANK YOU!

And congrats to you too - when are you due again?


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
THANK YOU!

And congrats to you too - when are you due again?

October 20th. I get to stay at home this time; I'm living in a city with adequate medical facilities







. No picking my nose in Anchorage for a month.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blizzard_babe* 
October 20th. I get to stay at home this time; I'm living in a city with adequate medical facilities







. No picking my nose in Anchorage for a month.

Awesomeness!







Having my VBAC at home was the coolest thing I have ever done. Seriously. I hope your homebirth is just as awesome.

So cool we'll have BOTH kids about the same age, too!


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Awesomeness!







Having my VBAC at home was the coolest thing I have ever done. Seriously. I hope your homebirth is just as awesome.

So cool we'll have BOTH kids about the same age, too!









Well, I'm not going to be having a HOMEbirth, I don't think (no midwives around here... there's a woman in training but she's not done yet); I just meant that I get to stay in my town until I give birth. A work friend is good friends with the midwife-in-training, and she works/worked at the hospital for a while, so we MIGHT have the option of doing a technically unassisted homebirth with the midwife trainee, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Otherwise, the midwife-in-training might be able to just get us set up with her in a room in the hospital. The hospital here is pretty great, though, as hospitals go (as far as childbirth goes... they're kinda sketchy otherwise). They have a 5% c-section rate and don't even have epidurals available outside of surgery. They kind of just set you up and expect you to do your thing until you ask for someone to catch







. They check up on you in between, of course.

It's an interesting case because it's an IHS-funded (Indian Health Services) hospital, and like I said it has an iffy reputation otherwise, but everyone I've talked to says that they do two things really, really well: delivering babies and short-term emergency care before you can get a medevac flight to Anchorage.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blizzard_babe* 
They kind of just set you up and expect you to do your thing until you ask for someone to catch

Now THAT is my kind of hospital birth









ETA: I just noticed that this thread has already gone OT. I'm definitely in the right place


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

*snort*

You are amongst the queens of off-topic!

I need a life change, and I think now is a good time. For both my DS and myself (and DD, but she won't care for a while), we need a schedule. We sort of wander through the day, and I think we'd get a lot more done with a loose schedule.

Anyone have tips/ideas that have worked?


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## BetsyNY (Jul 1, 2005)

WOW, I'm so glad I saw this thread in the recent posts!
















I am 36 (gulp, feels SO WEIRD to write that) mother of twin boys, one with autism and the other newly dx'd ADHD. All of the reading I've done since his dx makes me realize that I have it too--inattentive type. And I've already learned that that makes sense from this thread, so yippee!

I'm just starting to research treatment options, and I'm coming up kind of short. I see that fish oil is recommended, what else? I'm already on 150 mg of Zoloft for depression and I'd like to try alternative treatments first...I guess I'm nervous about some of the conventional medications for ADHD because some of them are known to *cause* depression, and that's the last thing I need.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
*snort*

You are amongst the queens of off-topic!

I need a life change, and I think now is a good time. For both my DS and myself (and DD, but she won't care for a while), we need a schedule. We sort of wander through the day, and I think we'd get a lot more done with a loose schedule.

Anyone have tips/ideas that have worked?

heh, well, I'm no supermomfor sure but I every morning I try to get dd down for a nap or if all else fails I put her in the bouncy seat and bounce it with my foot while ds and I do something together. We're sort of doing a loose preschool type thing because he is really into it...anyway our day is basically like
wake up
eat breakfast
get everybody dressed
nurse dd/put her down for a nap
do school with ds
snack time
ds plays starfall or watches nick jr on the computer while I either clean up or nurse the baby depending on whether she's up
we go outside for a bit, if the baby is sleep I play soccer with ds or sling the baby and we all go for a walk
we come in and eat lunch
ds takes a nap --if both kids are asleep this is when I clean house
ds wakes up and we have a snack
we either do something artsy/messy or ds plays outside by himself (I mean I watch him but I don't run around and stuff)
somewhere in there dinner happens
we go for a walk and ds rides his bike and we go to the park
bath time
story time, maybe a little more starfall if the baby is nursing again and then I put the kids to bed, dd first and then ds.

the only time frame we have right now is that I try to have everyone dressed by 10 AM (I know, that's late







),ds naps around 12:30-2:30, and bath time is a 7 every night. both kids get a bath every night because it calms them both down wonderfully and anyway if they aren't both in the bath then somebody isn't getting watched.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

My whole LIFE is off-topic







.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

I'm here. Another Sara!! I have undiagnosed ADD and just started meds for depression about a month ago. So far, not much has changed, but I guess I'm not at the total bottom anymore so that's an improvement. I'm looking for a loose schedule too for this summer as my older DS won't be in preschool anymore and I don't want our days to just be totally boring. I think a schedule definitely helps me with boredom too.

So lately what's been bugging me is that I can't seem to stop all these random thoughts going through my head constantly. It's SO annoying! It's like my mind is racing all the time. I was thinking about maybe learning more about meditation. I know whenever I try yoga it's ridiculous because my mind is just going a million miles a minute and they're like, having you do all these slow breathing and poses and I'm just like, come on already! But I think meditation would be good for me. So maybe I'll see if there is a class or something that I can take.

I'm realizing that I think I need to get a job or volunteer or something. I'm going nuts at home and I need to use my brain. DP is laid off right now so it is a good time for me to look for something.

Quote:

I hope this an ok thing to ask in your support thread. I'm wondering when/how you (any of you) determined you did have ADD/ADHD. I have been questioning if I have ADD lately. It seems that every year my life gets more and more difficult to manage and keep up with and looking back at the times I have been most able to manage I had someone else to help me organize myself and keep me on track. I have difficulty meeting deadlines--even remembering that I have something to do that has deadline is difficult. It is hard for me to finish things I start and have found myself with so many things going through my mind that I can't focus on anything. So while I know many of things are possible symptoms of ADD (I don't think the H would apply to me) but it seems that it would of been noticed earlier in my life---I'm 44. Anyone else discover they had ADD at a similar point in life? What suggestions can you offer as far as obtaining a diagnosis? Any other ideas that may help me feel a little more on top of my life? Thank you!
For me, I read a book about ADD about 10 years ago and realized that it was describing me my whole life. Then 10 years went by







and I had two kids and my life was just crazy chaos that I could not seem to manage even though there wasn't that much going on. I came back to the ADD idea and started reading more. Then I went to counseling where the counselor said I had ADD after asking me a few questions. So I'm not officially diagnosed but everything about it describes me. I think for me, what is helpful is knowing that my brain does not operate like others so theoretically I should not be so hard on myself. I'm still trying to figure that one out!

As for being more on top of life? I really have no idea. I don't do well when I don't have a lot of stuff going on, but then when I do I am really stressed. So I really need to find a balance and I have no idea how to do it. Sorry









Lately I've been spending MUCH less time online and really trying to be present in my own life. It is not easy because I am so unsatisfied with my own life right now, but I need to figure out how to be satisfied because my family is suffering.

waiting2bmommy - do you find it fairly easy to stick to your schedule? I really want to implement something like this and have it up on the wall so ds knows what comes next, but I find myself REALLY resisting it. I HATE to be scheduled, but on the other hand I do so much better when I have one. ARGH! What a catch 22 to be in.

Hope you're all doing well.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
I really want to implement something like this and have it up on the wall so ds knows what comes next, but I find myself REALLY resisting it. I HATE to be scheduled, but on the other hand I do so much better when I have one.

Me too!

And hi!







You spell your name right, too.









waiting2bemommy, that sounds like a nice loose schedule. Maybe I'll have to find something like that.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi Blizzard babe and BetsyNY!









Yeah off topic is ummm.... on topic for this thread!









IRT schedules- Waiting2bmommy- that's a good one!








Ours has gotten so messed up, it's unrecognizeable anymore. I am working on it, though.

I am struggling with what I have finally realizd is PMDD right now, on top of ADD, and everything else.







Having a tough time.

I am doing better at at least trying to clean. My house is just chronically out of control, and I get hyperfocused on it, and tend to forget to take the kids anywhere. :smack But I need to try to make some habits around housecleaning so it gets easier...how long that'll take... ???









I am going to post a list in the Kitchen, Bathroom, and Laundry area of stuff that needs done. Like the bathroom list will be-

wipe out sink
pick up towels/washcloths
wipe down outside of toilet
stock toilet paper

So when I am in ther, if I have a minute, i can do 1 thing...







we'll see how it goes.

Smee- I think if you started a schedule that hinged around when everyone needs to eat, you could fill in around it with activities...but it IS OK to just Live right now!

We start with bathroom/diaper
breakfast
momma's coffee time/kids movie time.

We are SO not morning people that it takes us over an hour after breakfast to be ready to do anything.


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## Proudmom2Teeg (Oct 7, 2009)

Hi,

Struggling with ADD and am not on meds as I am currently nursing. Researching natural ways to help as I am really struggling in school and other areas.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proudmom2Teeg* 
Hi,

Struggling with ADD and am not on meds as I am currently nursing. Researching natural ways to help as I am really struggling in school and other areas.

Here's a link that might help.







We have all been there, and we know what its like.









http://www.kellymom.com/health/meds/medref.html

oh, and...


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

i have no idea what i was going to post about. gee, i wonder if i'm in the right thread?







*sigh* i really have to learn not to open messenger until i am done posting.


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## Proudmom2Teeg (Oct 7, 2009)

Thanks Heidrick,

I will check out the website. There are no meds we can take while nursing for ADD right? That is what I have heard.


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## Proudmom2Teeg (Oct 7, 2009)

this semester is out and I so need a break for summer. Anyone else in school struggling with ADD? I am barely been scraping by with A's where it used to be so easy for me on meds. I cant make myself read my books...I sit there and five minutes later I dont realize I have wondered off to thinking about something else. Next semester is going to be even harder. People around me are saying I should wean my son ( 1year old) so I can take meds. That is just not going to happen no weaning here!


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## OdinsMommy0409 (May 1, 2010)

I too am an ADHD mommy with an ADHD DH









I've been diagnosed since 9yo, no meds, and went to behavioral therapy weekly from 4th-11th grade (and always had a tutor for math subjects).

I dealt with major depression during college and was put on some heavy meds. When I came off the meds, I felt like I had to start over completely with the behavior mods. I implemented all my tools and managed to get back toward "normal."

I always have a 1-2 year adjustment period with newly significant/major life changes. I'm finally getting back to a more productive life. Last year, I was completely focused on adjusting to motherhood so in the past month or so, I've finally been able to start being a mommy and wife


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *damona* 
i have no idea what i was going to post about. gee, i wonder if i'm in the right thread?







*sigh* i really have to learn not to open messenger until i am done posting.

















gee...I never do that...









Odinsmommy- welcome!







I understand the two year adjustment period! I thought it was just me!









you know, I was afraid that that would happen to me w/meds. I wasn't diagnosed till 19, so I already had a host of coping techniques- although most of them were only suited to schoolwork.









and- my DH has many Aspie characteristics AND many ADD symptoms.


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## OdinsMommy0409 (May 1, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 














gee...I never do that...









Odinsmommy- welcome!







I understand the two year adjustment period! I thought it was just me!









you know, I was afraid that that would happen to me w/meds. I wasn't diagnosed till 19, so I already had a host of coping techniques- although most of them were only suited to schoolwork.









and- my DH has many Aspie characteristics AND many ADD symptoms.









Thanks! Yeah, I noticed the 1-2 year adjustment about 10 years ago, and now it seems like I'm in a perpetual state of adjustment.

My DH was never given any tools/techniques for his ADHD, but his parents were happy to medicate him. Grrr! He barely made it/probably shouldn't have out of high school, but I think he's smarter than me. He's been learning more and picking up some behavior mods, particularly with time management. It helps that I formerly provided the outreach services for a college counseling center and spent many hours teaching seminars and one-to-ones on time management, anxiety, study skills, etc.

And, the meds thing freaked me out when I first came off them. First, I was dealing with feeling a range of emotions for the first time in my life, but I was truly happy. Then, my mind was racing 3x the speed it had been for 2 years. It was quite humorous to me (& my professors) just how profound my impulsivity had become in the classroom. Fortunately, I had become friends with many of my professors, and they appreciated everything that I was doing.

PS. I love the craziness my DH and I have together. I'm amazed at where our conversations from beginning to end will go sometimes.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Hey peeps - check this out, hot off the press: ADHD linked to pesticide exposure.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Do they include lawn pesticides in that.... I need stuff on that, dh is insisting we treat the lawn when we move, and I really DON"T want to. Need to find stuff-- or maybe agree to track down and dig up all intruders in our new lawn to be- but with my ADD mind I know I'll forget, no matter how well intended. Grrr.
Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I'd assume so...

I cannot find my wallet.







I need to go grocery shopping. The last place I had it was K-Mart. The thing is, I am absolutely neurotic about keeping track of thee things- my kids, my keys, and my wallet. I don't loce these things. Sometimes they get mved on me, like the time Henry stashed my key in a box we were sorting and it got put in the attic. But I do NOT misplace those things.

Grrrrrrr..........


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
waiting2bmommy - do you find it fairly easy to stick to your schedule? I really want to implement something like this and have it up on the wall so ds knows what comes next, but I find myself REALLY resisting it. I HATE to be scheduled, but on the other hand I do so much better when I have one. ARGH! What a catch 22 to be in.

I find that following a loose routine helps me be more likely to stick to it.

I used to plan elaborate schedules with everything planned down almost to the minute. And while it was a relief and helped clear/organize my mind to see my whole day spelled out and just follow the schedule, I find that with kids you have to be flexible and it would frustrate me when things didn't go as planned, which robbed me of joy, plus once I get off track I have a hard time getting back on track, so if some trivial thing happens that messes with the minutiae of the schedule it throws me off for the rest of the day.

It's part of my perfectionsim/anxiety thing. A lot ofmy personal self esteem is tied up in how well I cook, keep house, do school with ds, make sure both kids look nice, I/m dressed, etc. If the kids aren't dressed and I haven't prepared a healthy meal and the house isn't clean and I haven't spent quality time with each kid, and on and on, I feel like a failure. A detailed schedule is, for me, just another opportunity to fail.

So I am trying to learn to let go of the little things and just focus on the big picture. Healthy meals made from scratch becomes three meals that at least involve a protein, a grain and something fruit/vegetable related. sometimes out of a can. oh well. quality time with ds...it still counts if all we did was read a bunch of stories together. I'm always trying to do these elaborate super fun projects with him and then it never works out how I meant it to







clothing--I used to hold very high standards for how everybody looked, now i consider it a success if he is wearing underpants under whatever outrageous outfit he has concocted (for play, that is, not for leaving the house though!) dd is still at my mercy when it comes to looking cute









I'm trying to learn to set REALISTIC expectations for myself, so that I can feel successful, rather than setting the bar so high that I can rarely if ever accomplish it, and then feeling like the worst mom/housekeeper/cook/partner etc. A routine with clear goals is a lot easier to manage than a minute by minute play by play outline of what I hope to accomplish. I have in the past had success also with writing stuff on a whiteboard and wiping it off as I accomplished it....just the major stuff...cook dinner, wash diapers, put diapers away (yes those are separate tasks for me lol), do school with ds, make the beds. It's easier to follow that and I think you won't feel yourself resisting it as much as you would a stricter schedule. I don't know if any of that makes sense or relates to you at all, and as usual I've written a novel to answer a simple question....


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

i've lost my drivers license. no idea where it went. it's just gone. just. gone.









been a crazy day. kids are just bonkers today, and i'm climbing the walls. can't seem to settle in to doing any one thing.

do any of you get these moods where you drive yourself nuts b/c you just don't know what you want to do?

also, DH is not helping. he works 3rd shift, so i understand that he's tired, but i consider myself lucky if i sleep 4 hours a night, partly because he works third and i hate being alone. so why is it that he gets to come home, put the kids on the bus, and go to bed until 6, 7, 8pm? he seriously sleeps like 10 or 12 hours a day. i feel like a single parent so much of the time... it adds to my stress and makes me jumpy as h-e-double hockey sticks.

it's just not been a good day.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I'm so embarrassed...I have to go get SO from work at 2 and the house looks a mess. the worst part is helped me get it in order yesterday. I've been sitting on the computer bouncing dd in the bouncy seat thinking eventually she would fall asleep but every time I've stopped bouncing she just woke back up or started fussing. So I've been sitting here wasting time for over an hour. that sounds like a total excuse doesn't it?









I SUCK at housekeeping.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

damona- I absolutely DO have that problem, in fact you just described my day, today. DH is due home in about 30 mins and I am still in my comfy clothes, and I have not accomplished anything of significance.

although- after almost 10 yrs of marriage, I think it doesn't really surprise him anymore.









waiting2bmommy- yup, here too. I feel latelyike I just stink at everything I try to do.

So, I am going to take a shower when DH gets home. I'll have an hour. I am going to shower, and take a break. I don't actually have a problem asking him for what I need. In fact I can get pretty demanding.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
. I'll have an hour. I am going to shower, and take a break. I don't actually have a problem asking him for what I need. In fact I can get pretty demanding.









Lessons, please!!!

Jessica


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## baglady (Jul 13, 2009)

May I join? Obviously, I haven't actually made it through every post.









I was diagnosed at 18. I was on medication on and off depending on how much I had going on. DS was born in January 2009, then nursing. I'm now expecting number 2 in January 2011.

I'm getting really overwhelmed. I know I'm not going to be able to handle an infant and a toddler. My house is already messy with laundry and toys piled everywhere.

The crazy thing is I forgot about my ADD until this week. All of a sudden a light bulb went off and I remembered why I couldn't focus. How ADD is that?

I'll be watching the thread for tips. I feel like I'm at the edge of a lake on the verge of drowning sometimes.


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## baglady (Jul 13, 2009)

Forgot to sub.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
Lessons, please!!!

Jessica


When your DP/SO walks in, hand them the smallest kiddo and announce you're on a break.







Seriously. they do it- why shouldn't we?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *baglady* 
May I join? Obviously, I haven't actually made it through every post.









I was diagnosed at 18. I was on medication on and off depending on how much I had going on. DS was born in January 2009, then nursing. I'm now expecting number 2 in January 2011.

I'm getting really overwhelmed. I know I'm not going to be able to handle an infant and a toddler. My house is already messy with laundry and toys piled everywhere.

The crazy thing is I forgot about my ADD until this week. All of a sudden a light bulb went off and I remembered why I couldn't focus. How ADD is that?

I'll be watching the thread for tips. I feel like I'm at the edge of a lake on the verge of drowning sometimes.























and welcome.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

my dh learned his "lesson" when our twins (who are now 10) were babies and I had gone out for some me time (it was probably even the first time) - he called me on my cell & said, "they're both crying and I don't know what to do" and I said, "Yeah, that happens to me all the time" and I hung up the phone.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Unfortunatly, the kids often come back down looking for me.
I'm seriously thinking of having plans to be out for 1-2 weeks from 8-10 so my dd gets used to daddy putting her to sleep.
Jessica


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Andrea,







that is truly an epic win.

Jess, I have to actually leave the house to get alone time. If I'm in the house, there will always be a reason why I should be watching the kids instead of DH.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

yep - leaving the house is key


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Ok, I know all the lifehack/productivity sites say that one of the most important things you can do to be productive is wake up early, but I just can't do it. I can stay up until all manners of the night/morning, but waking up early? You've got to be kidding me. First of all, waking up before DS is a joke because if anyone makes a peep after 5am, he's awake and won't nap all day long - and I'll need a nap by lunchtime. If you don't bother him until later, not only will he sleep longer in the morning, but odds are he'll take a nap, too! Odds of him napping improve even more if we don't leave the house during the day.

Gah - just once, I want to see someone tell me how to put my life together so it works the way my biological clock works - from 10am to 2am. None of this 6am to 10pm stuff.

And I need more time away from DS. Seriously. This whole I'm-two-years-old-and-everything-is-tantrum-worthy thing and I are NOT getting along. I don't know how many times I've said "I'm really sorry, kid, but there's a baby in the other room who needs me right now, so you need to just deal with it."







I love the kid, but after dealing with him all day, I want to either throw him out the window or throw myself out the window. I can't decide which.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flminivanmama* 







my dh learned his "lesson" when our twins (who are now 10) were babies and I had gone out for some me time (it was probably even the first time) - he called me on my cell & said, "they're both crying and I don't know what to do" and I said, "Yeah, that happens to me all the time" and I hung up the phone.

Seriously.







I was just thinking about this today. He leaves the house each morning with perfect confidence that not only will everyone be alive when he gets home, but everyone will have been fed, is clean, and the house is clean and everyone is in a reasonably good mood, and no one needs him for anything more than a snuggle.





















Seriously? I wonder what would happen if he knew how close a call the 'alive' thing is some days.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
Unfortunatly, the kids often come back down looking for me.
I'm seriously thinking of having plans to be out for 1-2 weeks from 8-10 so my dd gets used to daddy putting her to sleep.
Jessica

That is an EXCELLENT idea.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Andrea,







that is truly an epic win.

Jess, I have to actually leave the house to get alone time. If I'm in the house, there will always be a reason why I should be watching the kids instead of DH.

yes. this. and big hugs to you, this is such a huge adjustment.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
Seriously.







I was just thinking about this today. He leaves the house each morning with perfect confidence that not only will everyone be alive when he gets home, but everyone will have been fed, is clean, and the house is clean and everyone is in a reasonably good mood, and no one needs him for anything more than a snuggle.

yes! this is mine down to a tee. Last night dd screamed and would not be put down asleep or awake from 6:30 until 11 pm. I'm pretty sure the mainstream world would call her "colicky" and much as I love her I feel confident in calling her a "high needs" baby since she only sleeps in the sling or in our bed with one of us snuggling her. none of that bassinet stuff for her.









and during this time SO watched me try to comfort her, tried a couple times, realized that she was going to cry no matter what, and finally shrugged and sat down at the computer and put his earphones in to watch a movie.





















of course, she cried no matter what for ME too. but, you know, I'm mom, so that makes it ok.









I'm pretty sure he does not understand that it takes epicamounts of effort to produce a clean house, 3 healthy meals, and 2 happy, well dressed children by the time he gets home. especially when you have a child who follows you around all.day.long. asking questions like "mommy, why don't I have a vagina?" and "mommy, can you smell my butt? It's dirty and it stinks." while simultaneously climbing the walls. literally. my kid can scale walls. he reaches things *I* can't reach, and makes huge messes with them while I'm otherwise occupied. Like right now, he just brought his entire toybox ito the living room, dumped out the toys, took off his clothes and climbed in to announce that he is taking a bath. ay.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
yes! this is mine down to a tee. Last night dd screamed and would not be put down asleep or awake from 6:30 until 11 pm. I'm pretty sure the mainstream world would call her "colicky" and much as I love her I feel confident in calling her a "high needs" baby since she only sleeps in the sling or in our bed with one of us snuggling her. none of that bassinet stuff for her.









and during this time SO watched me try to comfort her, tried a couple times, realized that she was going to cry no matter what, and finally shrugged and sat down at the computer and put his earphones in to watch a movie.





















of course, she cried no matter what for ME too. but, you know, I'm mom, so that makes it ok.









I'm pretty sure he does not understand that it takes epicamounts of effort to produce a clean house, 3 healthy meals, and 2 happy, well dressed children by the time he gets home. especially when you have a child who follows you around all.day.long. asking questions like "mommy, why don't I have a vagina?" and "mommy, can you smell my butt? It's dirty and it stinks." while simultaneously climbing the walls. literally. my kid can scale walls. he reaches things *I* can't reach, and makes huge messes with them while I'm otherwise occupied. Like right now, he just brought his entire toybox ito the living room, dumped out the toys, took off his clothes and climbed in to announce that he is taking a bath. ay.

I have so much sympathy for you! I have been sick since yesterday, very nauseous- and I just went to bed. I told DH that he was on duty. I actually NEVER do this. So HE had to deal with the unending, "Daddy I just stuck all of Milo's easter grass behind the dishwasher!







" "Look Daddy, I'm wearing my supersuit!" " I am eating maple seelup!" "Daddy, Milo just made a huge mess!"









Congrats on your highneedling!







Next time hide the earplugs.


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 

I'm pretty sure he does not understand that it takes epicamounts of effort to produce a clean house, 3 healthy meals, and 2 happy, well dressed children by the time he gets home. especially when you have a child who follows you around all.day.long. asking questions like "mommy, why don't I have a vagina?" and "mommy, can you smell my butt? It's dirty and it stinks." while simultaneously climbing the walls. literally. my kid can scale walls. he reaches things *I* can't reach, and makes huge messes with them while I'm otherwise occupied. Like right now, he just brought his entire toybox ito the living room, dumped out the toys, took off his clothes and climbed in to announce that he is taking a bath. ay.

mama, i hear you. my DH frequently says things like "i don't understand why you're so tired, all you do is sit around the house." or "why isn't dinner ready? you started it an hour ago."









why they can't understand what we deal with... well, i'll never understand.

last night i had a huge fight with my mom over the phone, while i was trying to cook dinner, with 4 kids underfoot, plus about 8 other people in and out of the house (i love my friends and neighbours, but sometimes...) and i ended up just yelling at her to shut up and slamming down the phone because i was so hot and tired and in pain and stressed out, and she was just dragging up the same old $hit about my dad (they've been divorced for 15 years, for heavens sake, i think it's time to let it go, at least a bit!) i just lost it. all of a sudden i was just ill at the sight and smell of the food i was cooking and i just walked out. told DH "you do it, i'm done for the night" and left. in short shorts, a tank top, and an apron, i might add







i walked around the corner to my friends apartment and just stayed there, for about 2 hours. when i came home, kids had been fed and put to bed, but the living room was covered in a fine coating of crunchy things and all the plates and cups from dinner were all over, and there were toys everywhere. it's almost more trouble to leave than to just deal with it, honestly, but if i didn't get out of the house, i was going to totally lose it. ugh.

i adore my husband, but there are times i'd love to just crack him over the head with the nearest blunt object.

also, i'm now scared to call my mom, or even text her. last time we had a fight like this she didn't talk to me for weeks. it makes my stomach hurt.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:

i adore my husband, but there are times i'd love to just crack him over the head with the nearest blunt object.










Quote:

also, i'm now scared to call my mom, or even text her. last time we had a fight like this she didn't talk to me for weeks. it makes my stomach hurt.
























Good for you, though! Some people don't recognize subtle at all. And for my DH, its only when he's smacked in the face with a situation that he finally cannot ignore, that he can actually take action.







That is why, every Thursday night, I leave, and go knit with my friends. The only times I consider staying home are if the kids are dealthly ill, DH is in a particularly foul mood (but then I usually just threaten him with bodily harm if he doesn't perk up), or I'm too sick. Now that the boys are bit older, I don't even make sure 'everything is set up' before I leave, I just get ready and go.

I have to trust him to take care of them.
I have to give him an opportunity to learn/do.
I NEED time to myself.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi! how is everyone doing?


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

i'm not sure whether to say "yay! school is almost out!" or "oh dear heaven, school is almost out!" this summer is certainly going to be interesting.

my mom is still not talking to me. well, not literally talking. she has texted me a few times. better than nothing, i suppose.

i am so tired and stressed out, and our annual inspections are coming up, which is just adding to it. i have 2 walls with huge holes (grr... children...) that i have to patch, and a room to be painted b/c somebody (ahem, dh, ahem) didn't put his sharpie markers from work up high enough.

i went to the laundromat yesterday and spent 60 bucks and 4 1/2 hours doing 14 loads of laundry. at least half of the stuff is going to be donated. we apparently have waaaaaay too many clothes!

how is everyone else doing?


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Hey, what happened? Everybody got focused and started keeping spotless houses and perfectly behaved children? Am I the only scatterbrained, distractible soul left on MDC? tell me it isn't so!!!!


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
Hey, what happened? Everybody got focused and started keeping spotless houses and perfectly behaved children? Am I the only scatterbrained, distractible soul left on MDC? tell me it isn't so!!!!









LOL, I wish.
There's probably at least 10 things I wish I could post about on here, but that's not going to happen.

I can't believe how hard it is to shift gears now that summer is here. We went and jumped in the car for a week of travelling too, so I suppose both things on top of each other didn't make it any easier, but wow! Hope I can catch some groove soon... I seem to be running on 'overwhelm/too busy' and 'someone needs to kick my butt/lazy', both yucky extremes.

Jessica


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
Hey, what happened? Everybody got focused and started keeping spotless houses and perfectly behaved children? Am I the only scatterbrained, distractible soul left on MDC? tell me it isn't so!!!!



















Uh, no.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

oh good. I need the company.

I started working 4 nights a week and y house went to pieces. It got to an all time low two days ago and so I" spent all day yesterday trying to restore order, only to end the day feeding random box food to everyone for dinner because I melted a plastic cintainer in the oven and started a fire, and didn't have time to clean it out and make the quiche I had planned for dinner. sigh. just another day in my world....: eyesroll

on the topic of ADD has anyone read the book "Scattered?" It's really interesting...


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

OMG, what a crappy day.









Yesterday DS and I had a knock-down-drag-out fight over sleep. (Ridiculous, no?) It ended with him falling asleep around 10 after I totally lost it crying. Way to go, mama.

This child just doesn't sleep. I'll spare you the details, but UGH. I need more sleep than he's giving me - and let's not even talk about the quality time I never get with DH. I'm amazed DD was ever conceived.









Today is better. I implemented all the rules of NCSS for Toddlers and so far, I have both kids napping.









If you pray, pray for me. I haven't even started to think about my house.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

I know this doesn't help you *now* but as they get older it gets easier, even if they still won't sleep... my twins are 10 and my youngest is 9 and although they sometimes still like to stay _awake_ for longer than I think is healthier they have understood for at least a few years my desperate need for downtime in the evening.... I can't remember how long it's been? but for quite a few _years_ now they've just gone up nicely when I asked them to.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

No, Andrea - that thought is what's preventing me from killing DS.









Seriously, though. I chant "you're going to be an awesome school-aged kid" a thousand times a day. He's independent-minded, always wants to play, and non-stop. It's going to be great when he's 6 or 7 and can DO all the things he wants to do. We're going to have a blast.

For now?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

IDK Smee- having a night time routine is what helped Henry the most. He NEEDED to learn _how_ to go to sleep. and I agree with Andrea, although, I'd say by 4 he'll do better _going_ to sleep. Hen's doing so much better.

He most definitely needs less sleep that I wish he did.







He is SO much fun! The comments! the conclusions! Oy!

no, I am not suddenly super organized. I wasn't checking in because I feel lonely when no one checks in.









ANd DRUMMROLL please! I am officially in charge of everthing here at home except for *mowing the lawn *taking out the trash *and changing the oil in the car!







Yes, I am now the proud manager of ALL the family finances!







Hey, at least DH is still doing those other things.....right?


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## Oliver'sMom (Jul 17, 2007)

Hey there! I haven't read all the previous posts...lost interest, go figure









I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 12 and was on ritalin for about a year. My dad didn't approve of me being on the meds so he took me off...even though I went from a C average in school to straight A's.

My grades dropped right away once I was off the meds and I struggled a lot in high school and college, but I finished and got my degree.

I'm really impulsive. I moved to Spain the day after I graduated high school...no plan, but ended up being awesome. I joined the military after seeing one recruiting commercial. I told dh I wanted to marry him after we had been dating for a week....luckily he's far more grounded than me and made me wait a year









I can't keep friends for the life of me. I get bored very easily and don't do well when people want to get together more than once a month or so. I'm also brutally honest and say things without thinking.

I think when I'm done nursing this new babe I'll consider getting back on meds. For now, my life just is what it is.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Things are looking up here. DS is going to bed earlier (we're putting him to bed earlier) and things are getting better.

Hi, OM!


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

would it be really pathetic if i admitted that i almost forgot about this thread until it was on the first page again? yeah...

did my house get magically organized? ahahahaahahaaaha. no. not at all.

the day after school was out, i realized that my little darling first grader had brought home a going away from school present to share with all his brothers. yes, that's right, it rhymes with "rice". i had to shave all of them, wash everything... and do it all with natural stuff, cuz my crew is so sensitive to chemical stuff. and what a huge pain in the behind all _that_ was. i think i scrubbed my fingerprints off.

so my house looks like toys r us exploded, cuz i have been too tired to care. it's been hotter than blazes, and i finally nagged enough that the guys decided today that putting in the a/c in the living room was easier than listening to me any longer. (i can be _very_ focused when i want to be... heh.)

i did get to run away and spend tuesday and wednesday at my best friends house, _with absolutely no children_. it was amazing. coming back home was like culture shock, tho.

oh, and smee? i feel your pain. my older 2 just went to bed at 11pm. i have no life in the summer.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Uh I just need to vent....my apparent lack of housekeeping skills is going to ruin my relationship with SO. I know it sounds petty, but it's so embarrassing. I was doing great for a while but I've started working everything is falling apart. I just have horrible time management, I'm WAY overextended (for example I'm babysitting a friend's kids at her house today until 3, when she will take me home so I can dressed and go to work from 5-10 PM and she will stay with my kids AND hers in my house until their dad gets home from work.). I tried to make quiche the other day and got the engredients out and starting mixing everything, only to discover that I had preheated the stove with a plastic container still stored inside. It caught on fire and filled the house with this horrible stench, and I still can't use the oven because even though I've scraped it out it is still smoking and stinking really bad whenever I turn it on. I planted a garden outside and haven't weeded in a week so there is grass growing in between the cucumbers. I still haven't taken ds' long sleeved clothes out of his drawers so he has a dresser full of clothes but nothing to wear. I had to get a library card for 2 month old dd sot hat we could check out library books, because ds and I both have such huge overdue fines and I can't find the books. I keep forgetting to take my medication. I really want to take adderall or something but I'm nursing so my only choices are prozac for my depression (whic I'm on) and abilify.

SO and I are talking about marriage and stuff and I feel like "who would want to marry me" when I can't even keep the house clean, dinner made and laundry put away. I can't even enjoy DTD because I can't pay attention long enough to enjoy it. It freakin sucks. Sleep deprivation fro working graveyard shift is killing me. I am a MESS.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

This might not be helpful, so I'm sorry ahead of time, but WHY IS ALL OF THIS YOUR JOB??

Sounds like your SO could be helping out more, IMO.








That's a ton of crap on your plate No wonder it's hard to focus.


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

waiting2be, can you talk to the library people and see if they'll drop the fines if you pay for the books (if that would be less than the fines), or freeze the fines or something? lots of times they will be co-operative about things like that.

as far as forgetting your meds, try taping the bottle to the bathroom mirror. or on the handle of your hair brush, or something else that you will use and see every day. that's what i used to do with my bc pills, otherwise i would forget.

i can't remember the last time i opened a drawer to take out clothes to put on. clothes live in the laundry baskets in my house, and dishes live in the dish drainer. i have too much else to do to fuss with details like that, honestly. and if dh doesn't like it, well, he can just bloody well do it









i've been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 nights, since i started trying to unearth my bedroom from the zillions of clothes that we have. i got as far as sorting my things into separate piles on my bed (short sleeve, long sleeve, sweaters, pj's, pants, skirts), and then got distracted and haven't really cared since. dh works third shift and i hate sleeping upstairs alone, so i know i'm just stalling, but still, i need to finish that project. anyway, the a/c is downstairs, so i keep justifying it that way







.

i did manage to get the bathroom cleaned with the help of my 9yo ds yesterday, so there's that.

oh, and i found out that inspections are in july, not august (we live in subsidized housing) so that is a huge pain, cuz the lady who comes around to inspect walks around with a yardstick at waist level and heaven help you if there isn't at least that much clearance everywhere in the whole place, including the basement. 2 years ago she told me that i couldn't store stuff (sams club type big boxes of tp and so on) _under_ the kitchen table b/c that is a trip hazard. i couldn't believe that one. no one i know over the age of 2 walks _under_ a kitchen table. ugh!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi people.









bbl


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

waiting2bmommy -







That sounds really stressful and I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. Sometimes it's nice to just STOP. Sit and do nothing and wait for a glimmer of motivation. At least that's what I do. Although really, I always feel like I'm just barely hanging on, just keeping us afloat...I do hope it won't always be like that! I chalk it up to having young kids who can't do much for themselves.

Ok people, I am here...each time I get an update on this thread in my email, I mark it so I can go back. I've probably done that like, 5 times and I never go back!

Things are ok here, same as usual. But I quit taking Wellbutrin because frankly, I wasn't feeling any better and I was really cranky. I have been taking my supplements much more regularly and I've been feeling much better. And I've been eating liver much more often







even though I don't really like it that much it is FULL of b-12 and I find I have so much more energy. Plus I have like 10 pounds in the freezer







.

Summer is finally here in the NW! I'm excited to get out and get some vit d. Hopefully all that will make me happy. I also finally decided that DP and I need to just cough up the money for some counseling. Whatever it takes.

Anyhoo...hope everyone is hanging in there!


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I hate to always be the one whining on thsi thread (and digging it out of its grave too...)

but I am seriously going bonkers. I don't know why I keep piling more on my plate. I guess I keep telling myself "it will get better when xyz happens" but somehow I'm just never on top of things anymore. I was doing great and now, I'm really not.

i'm also not taking my medicin regularly and I know that's part of the problem.It's sitting right there and I just...don't take it. I want to, I know I need to, I know I'd feel better if I did, but I don't. I don't know why. It makes no sense and I feel so dumb even writing this because I am just so IRRITATED with myself. Maybe someone here could offer me a virtual kick or two in the butt?

I'm tired, can't pay attention to anything very long, am completely overwhelmed by simple things (like going in a room to clean up, I can stand there for 10 minutes trying to figure out what to pick up first). I'm not hungry and I eat probably one meal a day, even though I need and want to gain weight. Or I just eat junk food...a few cookies, some cheese crackers and a bunch of juice to get me through the day. Everything makes me either pissed off, or so upset that I end up in tears. I actually thought I was pregnant again because it's so bad, but I'm not, so it's just me. All in my head, as usual.

I'm so tired of being like this, and constantly struggling with my self to do normal everyday things. I just hate the fact that I need drugs to enable me to do the basic chores of life that millions of women have been doing, under mush harsher circumstances, for several thousand years. It makes me feel like a failure. I don't even know why SO sticks around, I guess for the kids. He deserves better than this and I feel so guilty. Ugh.

And that's my rant....thanks for letting me vent....


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

First, a big







. You're not a failure, and clean house or not, both your DH and your kids are better off because YOU ARE THEIRS.

Second, *kicks you in the butt*







. Take those meds, gal! I recognize that feeling - when you're reaching for the bottle and say "ah, who the heck cares" and you walk away without taking them. Force yourself to. Email yourself reminders and JUST.DO.IT. You need to give yourself the help you need.

Third, yes, women have been doing this stuff for thousands of years, but we were not met with societal (and familial) pressure to find work outside the home, we were not expected to do it all alone without other women nearby to lean on, and we certainly weren't expected to do it all alone in our houses with our kids, also keeping THEM entertained. Women of the past had closer families, multigenerational housing, and older children and siblings to help. They didn't have to work. They didn't have the additional guilt of the SAHM in this society that they're "not doing anything productive." (







) They didn't have to battle with technology, and they didn't have to have so little time to themselves.

Women today are in a tough place. We are expected to work AND raise our kids AND do it while keeping a house clean AND a family well-fed AND look good AND please our husbands. Feminism hasn't come as far as most people think, and I think lots of it has been piling MORE responsibility and pressure onto women instead of balancing the scales. Nobody can do all of that, and anyone who looks like they're doing it is FAKING IT.

So there. That's my vent. I hope you feel better. Take those meds.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Smee is right W2bMommy- and consider yourself kicked. If your relationship with SO is based on your sucess in an unworkable housekeeping situation, why stay in that relationship?







idk...I just think you're worth a deeper love than that, yk?

By the way my husband is for sale or trade.







We are flat out broke with no end in sight. I need to try earn some money, and I am totally paralysed because I have no idea where to start.

SO I am hating my brain right now, dealing with a lot of stress, and ready to go crawl in a hole. I'm the whiner today I guess.









damona- I know how you feel- I seem to spend an awful lot of time justifying my own inertia.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

hows everybody doing? you guys know we have to stay on the front page or we'll forget about the thread, and then none of us will have the attention span to sit and search for it









I read jenny mccarthy's second book,"mother warriors" and even though it's about autism I've been thinking a lot about whether some of the biomedical treatments they used are of any help. i'm still desperate to find something that will help my attention span and none of the meds are an option while nursing.

how is summer treating everyone? the warm weather is a great excuse to stay outside and get exercise and get dirty....and then you don't have to clean the house.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

pretty cruddy all around here. I hate summer.









I would give just about anything to be normal right now.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I hate summer too. So freaking humid, and no AC.








What's going on that you're not "normal?" (You seem normal to meeeee....







)


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Thanks...









No, I just wish my brain worked...when I want it to...and ONLY when I want it to.









I have to much to do to have to wrestle my 'uniqenesses' into 'strengths' right now.

I'm exhausted.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 







Thanks...









No, I just wish my brain worked...when I want it to...and ONLY when I want it to.









I have to much to do to have to wrestle my 'uniqenesses' into 'strengths' right now.

I'm exhausted.

Bleck, I feel you.

Getting my thyroid tested. Evidence has been coming to light that I may not have ADD, it may be a problem like hyperthyroidism because of my weight/focus/anxiety issues. SO blood tests and all that jazz will be had.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

had mine tested a few times. it's always borderline something. Never enough to test further.

Me- I think each system in my body is off just slightly. Put them all togerther and you have a royal mess.


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

so...hi guys! remember me? It's been, like, a year since I've nee over here. had to search a while to find you cuz i couldn't remember what the thread was called. After having baby #3 I kinda dropped MDC, couldn't handle more than email and facebook. I am so overwhelmed with life right now. I've lost several expensive things and made several expensive errors this year. Dh is in Guam, has been since the beginning of June, and i just can't handle it. I'm so SICk of being scatterbrained, of forgetting and losing things, of not being able to find what i need so taking an hour longer to get out of the house than I intended, of having a messy, dirty house, of having dinner hours later than intended. And more. But I'm stuck. I don't have the energy, time or motivation to help myself. It feels like to big a task. But I don't know how to ask for help. I'm embarrassed to tell dh that I'm positive I have add. We've danced around the subject of both of us having our quirks. And we're getting ds evaluated now for a multitude of things (anxiety, depression, a probable learning disability, and something that we're not sure yet, some of the possibilities are adhd, asperger's or odd...), we'll probably end up getting the other ds in eventually too, I think he has some sensory problems. But i still just can't bring it up. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, I don't want to put any focus on me, I don't want to be doubted or ridiculed. I'm just done. UG!


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

(((mamabohl))))


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi mamabohl!







sorry things are so hard right now.







I understand though, every word. When your world is spinning out of control- it's difficult to have enough perspective to make positive changes.









(speaking of spinning out of control...







)


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

thanks! I was having a really bad day.







i lost my Maclaren that day.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Oh no!









That's a terrible thing to lose! they're so nice.


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## junipermuse (Nov 1, 2006)

Hi everyone. I haven't read this whole thread (I started at the end and am reading backwards), but I wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself.

I'm Jennifer and I was dx'd with ADHD as an adult in my mid-twenties (I'm just 30 now). I was on meds until I got pregnant with dd (now 3.5) and I'm starting to feel like I'd like to go back on medication again. I am however still nursing my ds (1yo) but he doesn't nurse a lot, so I probably need to talk to our doctor about it. Last year I was going to therapy for what felt like depression (never an official diagnosis) and also to help with the ADHD but I didn't feel like it was helping so I stopped going. I'd like to try going back again. I have no doubt that the ADHD is real, but I also feel like there is other stuff going on as well. I've been researching SPD because I think its an issue for my dd and I'm starting to see a lot of myself in those descriptions, so I'm beginning to wonder if that's an issue for me as well. Things like being very clumsy, difficulty modulating the volume of my voice, very jumpy in response to noises and some other stimuli. Finding noises and smells very distracting. I can't stand the feel of rain falling on my face/head and other stuff too. The other issue I think I may be dealing with is Anxiety. I feel very irritable much of the time, I snap at people and lose my cool with my kids.

As far as ADHD stuff though, I mostly struggle with keeping the house together and tidy. Planning and organizing is hard which can make it hard for me to keep on a schedule or stick to a budget. Impulsivity can be an issue for me too. So I run off to do something fun instead of staying home and taking care of things that I need to take care of. I also really have trouble with follow through and consistency especially when it comes to discipline of dd. She is very persistent and I often don't have a strong enough will to enforce rules etc. I also lose track of time and so often find myself still sitting at my computer and surfing the web endlessly instead of doing better things like playing with my kids.

I just find that frequently I'm not living up to being the kind of parent I want to be. I feel like I'm not patient enough, not present enough. Too lazy.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Jennifer, first Hugs and Hi! and do not call yourself lazy!










We've all felt that, I think I can speak for everyone. I hope you can get some answers, if only for your own sake, and so you can help your DD.

I know how I felt when I started to realise how much my older son is like me. I think I actually mourned for him for a little.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

*sticks head in*

for whatever reason I'm picking up an internet signal today so....hi everybody!!!

money problems...BIG money problems, and a constantly messy house are driving my family to the breaking point.In fact, I really need to go clean up right now.....

how's everyone doing with the whole back to school thing? ds is going to preschool 3 days a week andI'm determined to use that as impetus to keep a schedule and routine going. anyone with me?


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *junipermuse* 

I just find that frequently I'm not living up to being the kind of parent I want to be. I feel like I'm not patient enough, not present enough. Too lazy.

Wow i know exactly what you're saying right there! I feel the same way. Welcome.


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

waiting... schedule? routine? those words sound so nice but I'm not sure I know the definition, lol.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Jennifer - I totally understand what you are saying. And what sucks is that I and DS1 do SO much better on a schedule/routine. But the thought of having one makes me want to run screaming! But then I run around screaming anyway cause everything is such a mess.







So it's a catch 22. I know I need to force myself to do things but I just don't know how. I know it's hard to not label ourselves, but I really think we need to strive to be gentle with ourselves, as we would a friend. Easier said than done, though.

Waiting - sorry about the financial stuff. That is so stressful.

DS1 started K about 3 weeks ago. The beginning was seriously awful. He hated it and would cry and battle with me. I almost thought maybe he wasn't ready. But I met with the teacher and now I feel much better. And even though everyday he says he doesn't want to go and he doesn't like it, I make him go and he usually has a good time.

I am realizing that all of DSs quirks that I thought were just him are maybe more than that. Like Sensory Processing Disorder with maybe a bit of ADD thrown in. I really need to look into getting him evaluated. It was really obvious when we had a little girl from his class over yesterday for about 6 hours. It hurts to think that he is so different and will maybe have a hard time with friends. He was just so obnoxious and he doesn't even realize it!

Anyway, I had a hard week last week. DP works out of town during the week and will be for the foreseeable future. Last week was just tough on me, but I realize that I need to get out of the house everyday, even if just for a walk. And I need to have weekly routines for my sanity so I don't sit around and go crazy.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Oh, smeisnot, did you ever get tested for thyroid stuff?


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I did!

Turns out that thyroid isn't directly the issue. Also, DS has NO food allergies.

*I* am the one with the food sensitivities and we both have an intestinal parasite.







So I'm off dairy, eggs, and oats, DS can eat anything he wants, and we're doing a parasite cleanse. Only one of the meds is contraindicated during breastfeeding, so i'm on hold right now.

It's REALLY good news, but I want pizza.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Sme, where did you go to find out about the parasite? And how did you suspect that something was up with your ds? My ds often says his tummy hurts but it's usually after he eats just about anything. I did have him tested for food sensitivities and there were quite a few. Never thought about the parasite thing. and he hasn't gained weight in like, a year.


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

smeisnotapirate - that sounds really difficult!

DS1 started school Sept. 7th, his choice, starting 3rd grade after being homeschooled for k-2nd. He has been really happy there. He seems to feel picked on and bullied a lot...but I think part of his anxiety problem is feeling attacked by everyone, so I'm not sure how many of those bullies are the real deal. He gets all the work done quickly and says he's bored a lot because it's too easy. I'm wondering if he might be better off in the advanced class, but worried that if he was eligible for that his poor handwriting might get him excluded. Despite those negative things (oh, and the homework, which he hates)...he does really like school. He likes being able to show off his knowledge and take tests (he loves tests, lol...I always did too), I think he likes the schedule and having activities to keep him busy (one problem we had at home was that he can't entertain himself, so he either wanted to me entertain him all day or to play video games and watch TV). It sounds like so far he almost never gets in trouble, but I'm not sure if that will still be the case when the newness wears off. I'm a little ashamed to say I am loving having him in school. I didn't realize how much work he is until he was gone all day. And the house is so much QUIETER! phew.

Dh gets home from Guam tonight, I should go finish cleaning, but I've about used up my burst of "oh crap no more time!" energy, lol.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabohl* 
"oh crap no more time!" energy









I love that, can I please borrow that phrase?

We are getting ready to move....again. The landlord is being a UAV and the neighborhood is the pits, so rather than pay another month's rent here we are strongly considering moving out in the next few weeks. i've been having reservtions ever since my not yet three year old came bursting in the house asking me to roll him a blunt.







he doesn't know what that means, obviously, but still.......

So I am PRAYING that we move somewhere that is NOt a month to month lease, so that I can really feel settled in knowing that we will be staying put for at least a couple years.

smee, I'm also curious about your parasite. How did you find out? Ds still weighs the same as he did last year this time, although he is getting taller.

It is becoming apparent that my problem is bigger than ADD, like monumentally bigger....I have been going to counseling and SO is coming with me, which I find really, really helps knowing he has my back. Of course, both of the kids come too even when it's not a family session, because we have no sitter, which makes me feel stupid for dragging the entire family out just to talk about stuff that happened to me twenty years ago, but I can't stop going because I'm teetering on the edge of a total mental breakdown, and I really can't afford to do that right now.

i feel so unstable and it is getting to me because I'm normally a strong person and lately i'm distracted, so irritable that sometimes I have to laugh at myself because I completely snap over the most ridiculous things.......and of course given the opportunity I will sleep 20 hours a day. not exactly mom of the year.


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

how is everyone doing? With the holidays coming (oh nooooooooo!) I figured I'd bump this up, lol. So...what's goin on?


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

eh, um....what was the question???

i think that about sums it up.....lol


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## junipermuse (Nov 1, 2006)

Hey just wanted to pop in again. DD (3.9) was just diagnosed with ADHD as well as SPD and Apraxia. She also seems to have some elements of anxiety and can be extremely oppositional. We're really struggling because A) disciplining her seems to require a level of consistency that is difficult for me to maintain, and B) It seems to require a different style of discipline than I imagined I would use with my children.

Right now I'm feeling exhausted a lot. My husband has been very grouchy with me today. He has snapped at me for a bunch of things that I'm not doing on purpose and I don't feel like he grasps how hard I'm working.

I'm actually not feeling particularly stressed about the holidays though. It will be pretty low key here this year so I think that helps. I've actually already bought all the kids presents as well, so I have very little left to do.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Juniper -







So sorry about your DH. I totally know how that is, like they just don't get how much inner turmoil we have and how difficult it is just to get through the day (at least that's the way it feels with my dp).

I was doing ok, but I'm back to feeling crappy again. I pretty much know why, last week my older ds was sick so we stayed home from school and everything for 3 whole days. Whew! That was enough to drive me totally crazy. DP works out of town all week and has been since August, I'm so DONE with no adult help!!!! Plus the gym was closed that week for maintenance...well, frankly I'm surprised I didn't drive off a cliff somewhere!!!

This week should be better, DS is on break so I'm going to stay with my mom for a few days, the gym is open so I plan on going everyday (but am not out of my pjs yet today!). The washer is broken but I'm taking ALL the laundry to my mom's. She'll help me fold it! 

I don't know, I just have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. I love shopping for my own kids and I love the cookie baking and decorating, but I HATE having to shop for the rest of the family. It is SO overwhelming, I'm thinking of next year saying hey, don't get me anything cause I'm not doing gifts this year! Do you think that would be bad? I mean, I hate going around buying crap that adults could just buy for themselves. Here you go MIL, that nightgown you asked for. I mean, come on. Here you go mom, that spatula you needed. It's just silly and I hate shopping.

DP and I started counseling so I hope that is going to be helpful. And I am reading a couple of good books right now, I just need to put them into practice...mostly about positive affirmations and focusing on what I want in my life and for my kids. It's so hard to replace those negative thoughts that I've had for SO long. What I really want is more of a support group, where could I find something like that?

Hope you all are doing better than me this time of year!!!

OH yeah, this is cody'smomma, I changed my username!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Junipermuse- I may have some ideas for you if you mind sharing. DS1 has some speech issues and I finally am having him evaluated for

ADD in January.








Anyway, I have some practical tips for dealing with a kid who hyperfocuses, ca't hear you unless you touch him, and is impulsive and hyperactive. :hugs

applecider- you might ask your counsellor for ideas on that. I know there are support groups for some types of psychological and emotion recovery.

I am actually weathering the holidays pretty well this year. 'course i've been on anti-depressants for almost a year now.. Hrmmm...

Hopefully after New year's we can finally file bankruptcy, and move forward with my schooling. I have not gotten anywhere with that. Or with finding work. Oh well.....


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hello everyone. Bumping this to see if anyone is still interested.

I miss you all. I've gotten all wrapped up in another messge board and my blog- which is tons of fun- and a little esoteric (who me?) :lol

anyhow. I am going to be checking in here again.

DS1 is on the waiting list for the local chapter of the Center for Autism. DS2 is talking and using the potty! :O

Craziness. DH had a bad episode right after the new year, but it resulted in some amazing changes, adn I have to say I am enjoying Him once again.









ok, so here I am.... 

H


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## Nobody123 (Apr 15, 2008)

Oh my goodness am I happy to stumble upon this thread. I feel like I've found my people!









My name is Tricia. Long time reader, first time poster. I recently read an article about adult ADD and took a little quiz attached and found that I connected with each and every symptom. Right down to my messy car! I can't even believe that is a symptom of anything at all. I don't know if I feel validated, relieved, concerned, a mix of everything?

Obviously, I am undiagnosed. I would love to hear more about how people got diagnosed and what sort of treatments worked. I have always felt like something was "off" with me. I specifically remember my third grade teacher used to call me "Fish Eyes" because I was always zoning out and staring off into space. She actually advised my parents to have me evaluated for a seizure disorder. I had an EEG, but it was inconclusive because no one explained to me what was going on, I was scared out of my wits, and couldn't fall asleep for the sleeping part. The part that worked looked normal, so my parents just went with that, and dismissed it. Now I have a two year old with a real seizure disorder, and I can't help wondering if I had it too? Or was it ADD?

Yeah, so this isn't a thread about seizures, but the zoning out is a constant thing for me. I could be sitting, reading a book, and suddenly realize I haven't actually absorbed the last three paragraphs, even though I'm going through the motions. I can tune people out like no one's business.

It's typical for me to be washing dishes, remember an email I have to send, and walk off to the computer to work on the email, leaving the water running and everything. It would be funny if it were happening to someone else! :lol

My biggest issue, at the moment, is taking on too much. My volunteer work (Girl Scout leader, treasurer, PTA, massive commitment to school programs) has me hyperventilating lately. Especially this month, as everything is wrapping up, so all my months of procrastinating are coming back to haunt me. I can't sleep at night because my mind is spinning with all I have to do, and yet all day, I can't seem to get ahead. I have company coming this weekend for Easter, and my house... oy!

I actually DO have moments where I am clear headed and I can do amazing things, but it's usually when there's no time left, so I have no choice. But if I can focus and manage during those times, why can't I do it on a regular day? These are the thoughts that fill me with self doubt. I feel so good about myself when I actually accomplish something, but most of the time I feel like a slug. I recently had to take on a part time job too, so that has been...challenging, to say the least.

Anyway, I just couldn't let this post slip away


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Welcome Tricia!









yeah- messy car here too!!!

Quote:


> My biggest issue, at the moment, is taking on too much.


 um... YES!!! lol oh gees, I mean talk about doublescheduling stuff- I've had people show up at my house that I wasn't expecting, and then someone else showed up too!! I DID invite them, I had just forgotten.







I can't imagine what it feels like to have me asa irl friend, and be forgotten. 

afa getting diagnosed, It hink if ou make an appointment with a care provider and ask about aDD you'll be taken seriously. We have a fear I think- of not being believed, but really- we know ourselves better than anyone else, yk?










H


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Still here.....ds just went through three weeks of diagnostic preschool evaluations...he was diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD and sensory integration dysfunction, so........gee, I wonder where he got THAT from? Poor kid...

Then, right as preschool ended, I discovered that I was pregnant again. Which explains my weird crying spells, insane irritability and spaciness, overwhelming fatigue, and insatiable desire for bacon egg and cheeseburgers at 9 AM. lol.

I'm pretty sure something is up with DP.....maybe depression, or a physical issue....I made him a doctor's appt and hopefully we will get answers about why he is tired and having constant digestive/abdominal pain issues.

So right now I'm working part time as a server on weekends, actively looking for 1 or 2 kids to watch during the week to help out a little more with the bills, potty training dd (which is going quite well, thank goodness for the one person in the family who is just plain stinkin' normal!!!) trying to do some prehomeschool stuff with ds. I'm just taking it day by day. I've given up all hope on medication since it looks like I'll either be breastfeeding, pregnant or both for the rest of my natural life, at this rate.

I can laugh at my airheaded ways but DP finds it really frustrating, which hurts my feelings, and then we fight. So.....idk what to do about that.

Tricia, I have a majorly messy car too!. And a messy purse. And a messy refrigerator, and closets, and.....yeah. Pretty much everything. I'm doing flylady still which helps but I still get distracted.


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

SO glad to see this thread back alive!

Tricia - you could've just described me to a "T," lol! I've been self-diagnosed for years...I go through phases of wanting to get an oficial diagnosis but then I chicken out.

waiting - congrats on the new bundle of joy! ((HUGS)) on your DS's diagnoses. I know what you mean...I feel guilty every time I see quirks in my kids.

We've been ok here. Ups and downs. I'm getting better at organization, decluttering, scheduling and cleaning. Still not perfect, or even great or good....but I'm at a point where if someone were to show up I would only be slightly embarrassed most days, lol... instead of mortified.

My oldest DS (about to turn 9!) is doing great in school. He has matured a lot this year. We've decided to also put the 6yo in school next year (he'll be in first grade). I am just not up to homeschooling. It was one of those tasks that i took on, telling myself I could do it all. But i can't. I suck at homeschooling, and I'm going to let someone else take on the task of educating my children. It will take such a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm worried about the 6yo...because he's really shy/has some pretty bad social anxiety...and I think he has SPD. One of my biggest worries right now about sending him to school is that he will only wear crocs and flip flops but neither of those is allowed at the school....I need to get him seen by an OT but i keep procrastinating.

My baby girl is going to be 2 in just a few months! She's just so sweet, we all adore her. The boys are great big brothers to her. She talks like crazy. Sometimes i wonder if there's something like hyperlexia for speech...her speech is THAT advanced.

Dh and I had our 10 year anniversary this year...and we are really doing well. I'm trying really hard on the whole communication thing, dh is very understanding about the fact that I simply can't do it face to face. So we have our most emotional disagreements via email or text.







oh well at least I'm communicating right? After 10 years of trying with little success I'm thinking I need to get help, lol. But then I get nervous and embarrassed. *sigh*

I started doing MOPS this year (a friend asked me to be on the steering committee) and i love it! It is so helpful to me to have that time to relax with friends without trying to watch the kids at the same time. It has helped me to actually start making some real friends too. I never could click with any of the AP group moms I knew. I still kinda don't know how to make friends...but luckily I've found some really outgoing ladies who keep calling and emailing me so I actually feel like they want to spend time with me and I'm not just being a nuisance when I call/email/text them. Anyways this is getting to be a novel! lol. I'm happy this is back up and running, it's always nice to see that other people struggle with this stuff when I start feeling like a loser compared to all the people I see who seem to have everything together.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I am not used to having friends that are outgoing either! It actaully gets a little overwhelming at times! 

AGH, I am not used to animals in the house. I like them, but I'm not used to being in charge of keeping them out of trouble. We spent two days at my Aunts house. who incidentally has also never raised any tiny people.....

so 2 dogs plus a 5 and a 2.5 yo kids plus chocolate equals what??? CHAOS. even more so than usual. It takes me FOREVER to adjust to a new rule/expectation..... 

so the dogs ate some chocolate because my short people are.... short. shrug


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## kfillmore (Oct 23, 2008)

Wow, I wish I found this post a while ago. I always write posts in my head when I am stressed out. I have many things to say.

However right now I really need HELP on feeding my family (especially me and DD) I struggle with meal planning, cooking, DOING anything I have planned etc. I mean this is a serious issue that only other ADD moms can understand. There are days we barely eat at all because I can't manage, seriously! My DD is 2, by the way.

What can I do? HOW do I do it. You probably know that advice you get from magazines, other people just really isn't helpful. Yah, I know I should meal plan but how on earth do you do that?? It only occurred to me the other day I didn't need to plan 21 meals right away. Although I haven't used that info yet...

tell me how you manage, please


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

Heidi - my dog accidentally gets chocolate pretty often, thanks to the toddler.







I bet that was a crazy stressful 2 days. We once stayed with my in-laws for a couple weeks when they were trying to sell their house. It was AWFUL because they had to keep it clean and ready to show at all times...that worked wonderfully with a toddler and a 4 year old. I was so stressed. And they had dogs, which I wasn't used to at the time...one of them chewed up a couple of our toys cuz i didn't realize dogs sometimes do that...

Welcome kfillmore! I so know what you mean about writing posts in your head! lol. I do that too, just to help me think through things. Or with the intention of posting a reply to something...but then i never do because I forget or procrastinate or whatever.

Eating regular meals is a big one! I often miss meals by 2 or more hours because i just forget or lose track of time (it doesn't matter so much for me but i feel really guilty when I don't make the kids food until they're starving!). We eat late a lot because i forget to take meat out or procrastinate on starting dinner or get sidetracked 80 times while cooking. It usually takes me around 3 hours to cook dinner because of all the sidetracking!

BUT I have always done meal planning, I just don't know any other way. i've never understood how people can just buy stuff at the store and then come home and think of things to make with it, lol. So anyways what i do - the day before grocery day I plan out our menu for the following week. The "simpler" method that I've almost always done is to just plan 7 meals that sound good - trying to not make everything the same. I usually do 1 fast food, 1 soup, 1 meatless/pork/seafood, 2 chicken and 2 ground meat/beef. I have lists of all the meals we like to have inside clear plastic sleeves in a binder that I use to help me plan. Then I make a list based on the ingredients I'll need for those meals, plus anything we're out of that we need for lunches, breakfasts, snacks, etc. I'm trying to get to a point now where I plan the week of meals and designate which meal for which day. It helps with time management, because we are so busy in the evenings and days that I have to know which days I need fast meals and which days I can cook something that takes longer. It will also help me remember to take meat out if I can just look at the menu on the frig and KNOW what I'm making tomorrow instead of having to decide. HTH!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Thanks Mamabohl.







Its not that I have any bad wishes for her dogs but gees....

anybody else around?


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## bltonne (May 19, 2011)

I am 59 and have only now been diagnosed with ADD. I have had problems all my life that looked like depression, lately anxiety, restlessness, high stimulation needs, trouble focusing on things that didn't come easy or are pleasant, mostly organizing issues plus many things that always seemed like they could be something else. There wasn't adult or child ADHD when I was young. My husband started first thinking that it might be what I was challenged by but always I kinda just thought I could be better if only I did .... fill in the blanks. I think in my case the spectrum of my issues are on the low end that's why it wasn't as obvious as the black and white cases. I don't take meds for ADD at this junction I am taking L tyrosine and other supplements, plus getting help with organizing as well as reading upon the ailment. The diagnoses was made by a shrink who has it herself and doesn't treat with ritalin and all the other drugs anymore. She focuses on the natural methods for brain health. So far, many positive measurable results have taken place. A good diagnoses tool could come from Edward Hallowell and John Ratey web site that can be used without cost . Its a set of questions to ask yourself. Good luck to you


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Grrr, double post.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Hi All. It's been a very long time since I posted here. I think more than a year. Heidirk, thanks keeping this forum alive! I'm curious to know how old it is, going back to the first thread.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kfillmore*
> 
> Wow, I wish I found this post a while ago. I always write posts in my head when I am stressed out. I have many things to say.
> 
> ...


I manage this better than I used to. I'll never master it. If you're like me you will get better at this, simply with practice. I had to become a better cook, for one thing. My kids are 16 y.o. and 11 y.o., and I'm 43 y.o. So that's 16 years practice at cooking for a family. I make lots of mistakes, I waste food, but I've gotten much more efficient, much faster. More capable.

So, you are actually feeding your 2 y.o., right?







Are you eating out more than you'd like to? Eating late? Are you eating cold cereal at 8pm? No biggy, you'll get there.

Coming to the realization that you did, above, is a big help! Don't feel like you have to do a huge shopping trip once a month, spend the weekend cooking and feeding the freezer. Do that if it appeals to you, if you feel capable of it. What helped me was to cut way back on expectations and ambitions, and to pat myself on the back when I managed, like, 2 days in a row of 'planned' dinners.

Get good at 3 or 4 simple dinner dishes. Don't feel bad about repeating things for a while. You have a partner at home? So there are basically 2 and a half of you eating at home. Make enough of any dish for 4 or 6 people and you'll have left overs to eat for the rest of the week. I know some people don't like eating anything leftover, but I think you have to get passed that. That gets expensive and wasteful, otherwise.

Things that I cook a lot of:

Pasta with meat sauce.

Chili- onions, ground meat, beans, chili 'seasoning'

Stew- I've gotten good at one, simple recipe- in winter

Chicken soup- same as the stew- good in winter

Big salads- hard boiled eggs and beans, cut-up veggies, cheese cubes

Any of the above can be served with a crusty bread from the grocery store, or dinner rolls or corn bread from a mix. I got good at making cornbread and buttermilk biscuits from scratch, but it took 12 years. Any of the above can be served with prebagged salad. Or prebagged green veggie of your choice. I've gotten fast at chopping up fresh broccoli, or green beans or asparagus, and cooking it in the microwave, serve with butter, salt and pepper and a squeeze of fresh lemon (we inherited a lemon tree when we moved here). Or just raw cut-up veggies served with ranch dressing.

Have big sandwiches for dinner.

Have pancakes, bacon and fresh fruit for dinner. Or eggs, toast and fruit.

We have take-out pizza or delivered pizza about once a month but it used to be much more often. It is what it is. Pizza makes leftovers for lunch the next day. Or breakfast. =)

When I'm really ambitious and organized I cook a bunch of chicken pieces at once and we have baked chicken for a couple days in a row. Once the chicken is baked it's easy enough to cook a box of rice mix, mac n cheese or whatnot, and a veggie.

Near East brand couscous is miraculous. Boil the seasoning packet in water, dump the couscous in, turn the heat off and let it sit for 5 minutes. It's done! A side dish done in less than 10 minutes!! My family loves it.

Stock up on frozen dinner that you like. Stock up on frozen pizzas. It's food! Yes, they're not as healthy as they should be. Yes, they're more expensive than making it from scratch. But give yourself a break. You're learning how to do stuff, and in the mean time your family needs to eat.

Edited to add a word about timing: One thing that helped me was to severely anchor dinner time with dh getting home from work. It helped that he gets home roughly the same time every night, at around 5 or 6. So an hour before I expect him home (or 30 minutes or 20 or 15 or 10 minutes) I get started on dinner (the stew I listed above needs to be started 3 hours ahead







). In truth it's no biggy if we don't eat till later, but it really helps me to have this deadline cemented in my head.

Edited again because I didn't particularly address shopping ahead of time. One reason we eat that particular chili dish a lot is because it's really easy to keep the ingredients on hand. I use canned beans, none of this soaking dry beans for hours ahead of time. Things that I always have on hand: Pasta and bottled spaghetti sauce. Cans of beans (pinto, red kidney, black beans), canned chopped tomatoes, chicken and beef broth. Chili powder, cumin powder and dry oregano. Onions and garlic. Carrots, celery and potatoes. Frozen chicken breasts and trays of ground meat: beef and turkey. Frozen mixed veggies, frozen peas, corn and green beans. Sauteed onions, carrots and celery are the base for both the stew and the soup. Add meat and broth of your choice. Add canned beans to soup. Add frozen corn or peas.

I've gotten faster at peeling and chopping veggies, and you will too. Carrots are wonderful, they come peeled. I can get carrot and celery sticks prepacked at the grocery store, so all I have to do is chop them into bite-size pieces. You can buy onions and garlic fresh and pre-chopped.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

JourneyMom!!!!









(I missed you... can you tell?







)

yes *kfillmore*, cooking is hard. I'm an intuitive cooker, and I tend to get frustrated easily- who me?? snicker... anyhow, it is totally worth it to get good boxed or canned stuff from the organic aisle. Or if its something you like to make a big pot of it and freeze half.

Or cook a roast or a chicken and then eat meat/side/salad one day and meat and rice stirfry or meat and noodles the next. If its food and its not snickers and a coke, its good.









*bltonne*- welcome!







We are as random as you get. There are also 3 previous threads- still can't believe that, but hey- and we have discussed many many topics.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *heidirk*
> 
> If its food and its not snickers and a coke, its good.


I'm going to try and remember that!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *heidirk*
> 
> We are as random as you get.


Not surprising considering the type of thread it is!!









I've been doing pretty well. Been exercising regularly, read a good self-help book (can't remember the name right now!) about changing your thought patterns. Got outside yesterday and got some vit D so that makes me feel







. I think I'm also feeling good cause my youngest is almost 2.5 and I feel like I'm finally out of that baby phase and I can kind of breathe now. Granted, the toddler stage is annoying, but at least I can turn my back for a second! Also, we just finished (well not finished, but at least it's functional!) a kitchen remodel so it is now beautiful and WAY more functional than it was. I'm very happy about it. Now I can get back into the swing of cooking healthy meals with a new kitchen to inspire me. I was way falling off the wagon there, pizza out craziness.







Not having a kitchen and all that chaos was...interesting. I mean we just jumped right in (diy) one day and so life was CRAZY for a bit, which I tend to thrive on crazy, but I'm happy it's not anymore. I was feeling like maybe I was going to be depressed afterwards because then I would have nothing to intensely focus on, but I'm starting to realize that I really need to just have some goals or projects on a regular basis or I will go nuts. It's hard to find a happy medium between not being too busy and being busy enough. Not sure I'll ever get there!

Mamabohl - I do that with so many things, losing track of time. For instance right now I should be upstairs in bed reading to the kids....where am I? I just put a coat of wax on my new butcherblock counters while they play a computer game and eat a very late dinner. And now I'm here









Ok...off to beddybye!!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Heidirk, LOL!


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## EmedAK (Jul 10, 2010)

I've just been diagnosed with ADD at 28 - after 10+ years of misdiagnosis as depression, anxiety, bi-polar etc. finally all of my struggles make sense to me. I've been in and out of therapy for years and on an off medications that helped temporarily - I don't doubt that i was actually suffering from depression and/or anxiety at different points, but the real problem was my chronic disorganization, forgetfulness and in ability to manage daily life that lead me to feel so depressed, hopeless and overwhelmed all the time. I'm still in the early stages of making sense of the whole diagnosis - but sometimes i feel relief that there is a reason and i'm not just stupid or crazy, other times i want to cry because i fear that my son will struggle too.

I'm a special education teacher, who thought she knew alot about add/adhd. Ugh! My own add/adhd wasn't caught when i was in school because i was smart and was a good student - i was quiet, got good grades and got by because i was very intelligent, but most of the time i daydreamed my school day away. I was shy, only had a few close friends and didn't do well in large groups. my room was a total mess, and i couldn't compete the simplest task to completion. I made it through two B.S. degrees and a M.Ed. with flying colors - but geez, it was painful on my end. I procrastinated constantly, barely got things done and often forgot to turn things in. I always manged to come up with a great excuse so no one suspected the trouble that I was having 

Now i've got a 6 month old son, and i'm feeling crazy overwhelmed with life. my house is a mess, my husband is grumpy because of the mess, i feel defective and crazy... blah blah blah. I went to therapy for what i thought was PPD and got diagnosed with ADD instead. Makes sense to me now. Trying to figure out how to make my life work for me now. Reading some books, trying to develop a routine (for my sake and my DS) and trying to find ways to get it all done.

Glad i found this thread

Erin


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Erin,

I can relate in a lot of ways. ((hugs)) 
Right now it is the lack of structure and time that became overwhelming after becoming a mom. It's hard to be back at my 'old normal' where I was at least managing, at my own discomfort and overwhelm. I'm not on much at MDC, way too much to keep up with online and I tend to get hyper-focused on the wrong things.

Thanks for sharing,

Jessica


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Hi! Subbing to this thread because I recently received an "informal diagnosis" of ADD from a mental health care provider who I went to see because of issues with my temper. We didn't do the official test so I could get meds but she said that based on my descriptions of my schoolwork and well... everything in my life, I almost certainly have ADD. I was really surprised! I really just thought I was lazy! Anyhow, right now I'm not seeking medication... just happy to just contextualize my experiences and work on my organizational strategies without beating myself up for laziness..... 

Quote:


> I made it through two B.S. degrees and a M.Ed. with flying colors - but geez, it was painful on my end. I procrastinated constantly, barely got things done and often forgot to turn things in. I always manged to come up with a great excuse so no one suspected the trouble that I was having


Erin, I can also relate! I have an MA that I always say I made through with blood, sweat and tears... as well as alot self-loathing and near suicidal depression at times. I remember reaching out for help a few times but people would brush me off because they said I was "smart and would be fine." I'm finally at peace with my vision of myself and right now I feel that perhaps abstract oriented "intellectual" work with lots of deadlines is just not for me. Instead I have a very part time job in agriculture and the rest of the time i am a sahm.... 

Anyhow, my DD is now a little over 2 yo and I am the most organized I have ever been in my life. So I think some of it really comes with time. 6mo is still very early! Heck, 2y is too, but things have really gotten under control for me in the last 18mo... at 6mo if the baby and I were alive at the end of the day, we were all really happy. We lived in total chaos because dp worked alot and neither of us had energy to clean at the end of the day. Or do anything else. I was working from home for about a year but it got too stressful for me...

Anyhow, I've been doing a lot of reading about Waldorf education and I don't know yet how I really feel about the spiritual stuff, but ideas like simplicity in the environment and daily rhythm have been very helpful for me in establishing a new normal that is healthy and happy for my family. I've found some really helpful stuff in Simplicity Parenting and You are your child's first teacher. Decluttering has been major for me because I understand now that I need a visually organized environment in order to not feel stressed and overwhelmed. Also, I have worked on simplifying my commitments, my priorities, and my activities in order to focus on one thing at a time. And I have come to accept certain things about myself... like that if I want a certain result I might have to come to it differently than the next person. Or that sometimes the strife of trying to be a certain way that I am not is actually a hindrance to the results I would like to see in my life.

Anyhow I am looking forward to following this thread!

edit: I would LOVE to hear tips on how to avoid spending too much time on the internet. I find that after DD goes to bed, I spend way too much time on the internet. I would like to spend less but I find myself constantly turning hte computer off, and then back on again. Argh!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> I really just thought I was lazy!


Cyclamen, the perfect book for you, You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?









http://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/0743264487/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310410703&sr=8-1

Quote:


> edit: I would LOVE to hear tips on how to avoid spending too much time on the internet.


Ugh. I think this is a really common issue. Here's my own perspective and my own take. For me, I spend too much time on the net for a couple of reason: boredom and avoidance. I'll conquer my addiction to the net when I make a commitment to being present in my real life.

Specifically I need to not sit down to the computer first thing in the morning at all. For years (literally, years) I've been telling myself that I'll give myself 1 hour in the morning to check email, Facebook and my two forums that I frequent. And inevitably I spend much more than an hour. So I think it would be best if I just didn't get on the net at all. But then I'd have to face various issues that I can put out of my mind when I'm zoned out on the net.

The comparisons to major addictions are inescapable to me. Alcoholics make progress when they realize they can't drink at all, even socially. Realistically I can't get on the net, even for a few minutes. It plugs into a part of my brain like nothing else.

The solution is simple. Not easy, but definitely simple.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

SO common. In fact, I've been on the computer a BUNCH lately, yes it's escapism at it's finest. I want to ignore the problems in my real life so I come here. I was actually coming to this thread to post a picture...this is so timely...

HAHA!!! It's a screenshot of what my computer looks like on any given day. See how many tabs I have open?? This is a particularly bad day, but some of those same tabs have been open for months. Things I want to listen to, remember to do, tell someone about, etc. My sister asked why I didn't just bookmark them all, but I told that that it was because then I won't see them! I have tons of bookmarks, but out of sight out of mind.

I could definitely use an internet break but then I fear that I may really lose my mind. Or maybe it's already gone.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

journeymom - thank you for the book recommendation!

and re; internet - I do best when I don't have it at home, and have to go to the library where there is a time limit. And when I have lived alone I have chosen not to have internet. But it is a must have for my DP and he does not see a problem with me spending hours on the internet. Maybe I'll get rid of my computer.  Or go on an internet fast. It's just so tempting when the computer is sitting right there so yes I think the addiction metaphor is rather apt. Anyone have any ideas for when just unsubscribing from internet is not an option?

applecider: my screen looks like that alot too.


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## EmedAK (Jul 10, 2010)

applecider - my computer looks like that all the time and I almost always have 5 or more programs running - need a supercomputer just to handle all the things i try to do at the same time.

i'm still in this place where i'm realizing that my habits and ways of doing things aren't at all normal. I thought that everyone surfed the internet like i did (with 20+ tabs open)... everyone leaves their laundry on the couch for weeks (except my husband), everyone lets dishes pile up because there's way more interesting things to do besides wash dishes. ugh!

I had a conversation with my mom yesterday about this new diagnosis and wanted to get her thoughts on things. When we started talking, she was like "wow I don't know why i never thought of this before!" and now she thinks that she and my sister both might have struggles related to ADHD.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Yes, some wise soul, who I should go back and thank, mentioned ADD when I asked or vented about something. I thought that was unlikely. A while later I ran across an article about adult women with ADD and thought, hmmmm, that sounds exactly like............ my MOM. And so then it made more sense to me and I then got officially 'diagnosed'.

There's a lot of things that I learned/observed that contribute to my disorder.

Also, in the ADD 'world' we are all quite different. My mom is more OCD about things, I'm more haphazard. I cannot STAND to take a long time doing things, I just want to get them done (once I start). She's very meticulous and orderly and complete for many things- has to do them from start to finish in her order.

I wonder how much is learned and how much is genetic (I'm sure its a bit of a combo).

Jessica


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## EmedAK (Jul 10, 2010)

I had several mental health providers mention ADD briefly when I sought treatment for depression and anxiety over the last 10 years, but it was quickly brushed off both both myself and the provider. Part of me is angry that no one caught this earlier...it would have saved me years of grief and I think that I could have prepared better for the transition into motherhood.

I had been getting by ok until I had my DS in January and then EVERYTHING seemed to fall apart. I'm now learning that I had developed lots of pretty good strategies to compensate for my shortcomings. With the demands of a baby on top of everything else, the strategies that worked before, aren't getting me by anymore. Now i'm working on coming up with new strategies ...

I'm sure you all have your own unique ADD struggles. My issues seem to be serious disorganization, difficulty with starting tasks and finishing them, difficulty attending to uninteresting tasks to start. I'm having crazy trouble keeping the house up, cooking, cleaning and caring for my DS and DH. I'm not currently working, but hubby wants me to get a job. The idea of working makes me cringe because I don't think I could hold it together at all with the addition of a job.

Any suggestions for keeping up with the house? Any ideas for organization?


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Check out ADDitude magazine, http://www.additudemag.com/

And also CHADD, http://www.chadd.org/

ADDitude kind of makes me laugh, with titles like, "Your Top Parenting Problems...Solved!" Give me a break. But I'm cynical that way.

I'm not one to advise people on organization and keeping a house running! Lol! But you have a baby only 7 months old, and I will say, things are going to be messy for a while -whether you have adhd or not, whether you have an organized home/life or not.

Quote:


> Part of me is angry that no one caught this earlier...it would have saved me years of grief and I think that I could have prepared better for the transition into motherhood.


I hear you.


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## aquarius aspiring (Dec 17, 2008)

Hi. I hope I can post on this thread. I'm not a mama yet, but I'm pretty sure (99%) that I have inattentive-type ADD. I'm 29. I've been on Lexapro for about two and a half years and I just quit cold turkey about two weeks ago. I was on Lexapro for anxiety and I had noticed in the past month or so that I was more anxious so I wanted to get off it and see how I did without it.

I mentioned somewhere online the struggles that I had been having with graduate school and work (and had been having since I was a teenager, apparently) and a friend commented that she has ADD and maybe I had it, too. My first thought was, no way. No one would ever accuse me of being hyperactive. It wasn't until I delved deeper that I learned that there are three different types of ADD (http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm). I match a few of the categories for ADD/ADHD: Trouble Concentrating and Staying Focused, Disorganization and Confusion, and Emotional Difficulties. I thought, well, okay, that does sound like me, but it didn't explain everything. I then found out about Inattentive-Type ADD and I match almost all of the symptoms. I read the checklist here: http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK8 and thought, THIS IS ME and GET OUT OF MY HEAD. I almost cried when I saw those symptoms. I kept it to myself for a few days and then mentioned what I learned to my husband and he said, yeah, sounds exactly like you.

I'm meeting with a psychologist on Wednesday who specializes in working with people with adult ADD. I keep thinking, maybe I don't have ADD. Maybe it's just me and I'm broken. But then I think, there's no way I don't have adult ADD. If I don't have ADD, what else could it be? I have no idea about medication yet, but at least I can learn some coping techniques or learn more about it.

Oh, and my name's Sara. I started reading from the beginning of the thread and saw that are a lot of Saras on here, so hi.


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## Mom31 (Jun 11, 2011)

bumping anyone still around? Or is there another thread going? I recently was officially diagnosed and put on startterra to start. Would love to connect with you mama's I have read all the threads and you describe me and my life to a t.

hugs

Emilie


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Hi Emilie, Hi Aquarius. I'm a sporadic poster on this thread.

I've got, of all things, a skills test for a job interview in a little more than an hour, and I really shouldn't be here online. =) But I wanted to acknowledge you both!


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## Mom31 (Jun 11, 2011)

Hi Journey mom!!! Thanks for the reply. I have started on a starter pack of Stratera and so far not noticed a difference but have not had any side effects so that is good right.

I am working on DBT in therapy and .... reading online about ADD in adult women. Lots to look at and learn... and reading all the threads on here of course.

I have also hired a friend to come in and clean my house once a week.... its a luxury but helping with my symptoms alot.


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## BennyPai (Jul 22, 2005)

It's nice to see this thread.

I am a 31-yr-old mother of (soon-to-be) 4. I have undiagnosed Inattentive ADD. *Undiagnosed because I have no health insurance... I read Healing the 6 Types of ADD nine years ago, and took the tests inside the book. * *Healing ADD* I had never learned about ADD and would have never guessed that I could have it. This realization was so helpful to me!

I also have no interest in taking a prescribed medication. I have discovered that there are many alternatives, including dietary changes, supplements, and even bicycling ( http://www.bicycling.com/news/featured-stories/riding-my-ritalin ). These have been effective for me in the past, but life changes always lead me astray.

I am expecting my fourth child any day now. I haven't been treating my ADD in any form for almost a year now. I've noticed that my symptoms are enhanced with each child we add to our family. The anxiety I experience while I try to keep up with my two older DDs' school schedules has significantly disrupted our household, and had an impact on my relationship with my first & second graders.









After this pregnancy and postpartum period, my goal is to "get back on the horse." I won't be able to bike until spring, but I can take up swimming at the local pool and work on my coping skills.

Is anyone interested in joining me in treating ADD symptoms using natural/homeopathic/holistic means?

*Also, I'd like to see an MDC social group for those suffering from the 6 types of ADD. Perhaps some long-time contributors to this thread would be interested in co-leading this group...* If so, please PM me!


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## Mom31 (Jun 11, 2011)

I quit taking the straterra... not doing anything for it now other than having a friend help me with my house.


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## kfillmore (Oct 23, 2008)

I am having such a hard time right now. I feel...dull or heavy (ier than usual). One of the hardest things for me is cooking/preparing food. I find it soooo difficult to think of things to eat, to plan how and when to cook, to manage all the steps to cooking. I really don't like cooking much in the first place add to that that DD doesn't like to be be in kitchen with myself hating to be in kitchen-I don't like washing and chopping veggies etc.

gosh this sounds like such a babble. I really could use advice on how to get yourself to cook.

wouldn't mind the same advice about cleaning.

thanks


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

I find having a weekly schedule of meals helps - it's pretty loose - pasta one day, mexican one day, meat one day, breakfast for dinner, etc - it helps though and lets me still be flexible


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## BennyPai (Jul 22, 2005)

Hi, kfillmore. ((HUGS)). BTDT!

I'm feeling "in over my head" now, too. I have made a plan for next week in the meals department. I will be planning meals with my DP and grocery shopping on Saturdays and preparing meals on Sundays. I'm choosing from crockpot and casserole-type meals so all I have to do is pull the dish from the freezer/fridge and pop it in the oven or place prepped ingredients in the crockpot and turn it on. (Chopping veggies, gathering ingredients can be done ahead of time and it's SO helpful!
So I'll come back and report on how this plays out next week...


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