# Baby with no Kidneys--D&C or induce?



## farmmama (Feb 6, 2004)

Yesterday we found out our baby (21 weeks gest.) has no kidneys and will not survive outside the womb. I need some help making a decision to induce labor or have a D&C. This is really difficult as I can fell the babe moving around. Will going through labor create a stronger connection between myself and the baby, and therefore make it that much more difficult to deal with the loss? Will I regret not having the opportunity to see this tiny babe before he/she passes if I have a D&C? How would either process affect our five-year-old? Does anyone have any advice?

Please help,

Kimberly


----------



## Jane (May 15, 2002)

What a difficult choice to make. I don't think either method will make it less of a loss. My only suggestion is to find out what each would entail - when would you go to the hospital, what prep would be required, what pain relievers would you be offered, who would perform each, what support you would have, etc.
In particular, you might consider where they would do the induction - if it would be on the labor and delivery floor, that might be a positive or negative to you.


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I am so sorry that you are having to make this decision. It must be very hard for you and your family. Ultimately this is a decision that only you can make. Are you comfortable that you have an acurate diagnosis? Would you like to have your baby with you a while longer? These are some things to think about before you make any decision.

If it were me I would chose to induce and deliver the baby. This is the decision I made when I found out that my daughter had died in utero at 22 weeks. I very much wanted to see and hold my daughter. I don't think anything would have changed the bond I feel with her, and because I chose to deliver her I got to have pictures, and memories. I don't ever have to wonder what she looked like because I know. I also got to have a memorial service and kept her ashes. All of these things helped me to heal from the experience. As for your 5 year old, I am not sure. My ds was 2.5 when his sister died. I think it helped him to see her and experience her memorial. Pregnancy is such a confusing thing for young children, they can see mommy getting bigger, but they don't see the baby. I think it would have been harder for ds if one day his sister had just not existed any more. With getting to see her and take part in her service he could see that she really existed and that she was part of our family. It did bring up alot of discussions about death, but he handled it all very well, and I think no matter what we would have decided we eventually would have had to have those talks.

If you decide to deliver the baby I would like to suggest some memory making things you can do. I did some of these, but didn't get to do others because I was so sick, or just didn't know to ask.

*Take pictures of your baby, with you, with your dh, with your other family.
*don't just leave your baby wrapped in a blanket, look him/her over and memorize every detail, maybe even take pictures.
*count fingers and toes
*make foot and hand prints (most hospitals will do foot prints, but not all will do hands)
*make casts of baby's hands or feet (you can buy kits at a craft store)
*If you can bathe your baby and dress him/her in a premie outfit (alot of hospitals have them)
*if you baby has hair cut a lock off to keep
*name your baby
*sing and talk to your baby
*Ask for your baby to be wrapped in blankets from the warmer so he/she stays warm
*if you are going to be in the hospital for awhile you can ask that they continue to bring your baby in for you to see for the entire time you are there, make sure they wrap baby in a warm blanket first though.
*ask that you babies body be handled by a funeral home (most states require this past 20 weeks) alot of funeral homes offer free services to parents of babies under 1 yr old. Call around or ask for a list from the nurses.
*ask to keep the blanket that they wrapped your baby in, and any clothes that your baby was dressed in.
*have a service for your baby (this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it has meant the world to me)
*don't let them drug you during labor (my nurses offered to knock me completely out while I labored, but I wanted to see my daughter when she was born. Especially if your baby may be born alive, those first few moments are precious).

I know there are other things, maybe some of the other mother's here can suggest some. I just wanted to say again how sorry I am that you are having to make this decision.







My prayers are with you.


----------



## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

Kimberly, I am so sorry. What a difficult decision this is. Perhaps visit www.missfoundation.org They have a forum there for Fatal Diagnosis During Perinatal Period. Perhaps some Mama's there that have gone through this, may provide more insight for you.
Again, I am so sorry.







s to you.


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Kimberley,
I agree with iris0110. To be able to hold your baby may give you the biggest gift of all.
I am a loss for words right now. However if I weren't I probably would of said everything that iris0110 has.
I am very sorry for your loss. Please know that you are wanted and needed here. Please come back soon.

I found out when my daughter was 37 weeks gestation that she wouldn't survive outside my womb. She lived for 6 hours after she was born. She died in my arms. I will never regret the decisions we made. I am forever grateful that me, her mama, was the one to be holding her when she took her last breathe of life.
Some may say that it would of been easier for me to of had a D&C...I don't agree....I would of missed so much of my daughter.

Love and Peace to you mama!!!


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Kimberley,
I just noticed you are in Oregon? So am I. Where are you? Maybe, if you like, we can talk on the phone. I would be honored to be of any kind of assistance during this time to you and your family.
Please know I am thinking of you. Feel free to PM me...
I am right out of Portland. But I can drive. Also, please know that you can ask me anything...little detail or all detail....I will share with you my experience.
My daughter, Grace Olivia was born March 26, 2004. She died the same day.
This road isn't easy mama....the more support that you can have surrounding you the better.
Oh and my children were 5 & 3 when Grace was born. So, I too, understand the impact it has on children.

Hugs to you!!!!

Jackie


----------



## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

I am so sorry. We lost a niece several years ago this way. Her mother (my niece-in-law) carreid the baby for several more weeks, as she chose against both D & C and induction. The baby was born prematurely. There was a funeral, or rather, "Mass of Angels" --my dh comes from a Catholic family ans it was his sister's grandchild. It was so sad. We all got to see her. She was lovely.

I thought a lot about what i would have done in that situation, since we watched close family live through this. To this day, I do not know what I would do.

Our baby--Sarah-- lived for a few moments in her grandmother's arms and then passed.

I am not sure I could do that. I just don't know.

ETA--I remember thinking that i would choose induction. I was reading your post to mean D & C or going full term. I know i could not do that. I am so sorry I didn't understand the first time.

Much, much love to you. Again, it seems so hollow to say this, but I am so , so sorry. I will think of you and your family. Peace and blessings...


----------



## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Is continuing on like UUMom's niece did?


----------



## bobacat (May 20, 2004)

My first baby died at around 24-25 weeks in December. I did not know until several weeks later. I was offered the decision to be induced or to have a D&E. I chose the D&E.

The reasons I chose the D&E were that first, because the baby had passed away some time ago, I think he would have looked very disturbing. I was disturbed enough by his death (obviously) and didn't want to carry that image with me for the rest of my life. Second, as he was my first baby, I had never been through birth before. My husband and I knew immediately that we would try again and we felt that by choosing the D&E, the actual birth of any future child we might have would not have been touched by this tragedy.

It seems that your decision is made harder, because our baby had already passed away. I know there is a website called aheartbreakingchoice.com that specifically addresses what you're going through.

I will be honest with you and tell you my regrets. It has been 9 months since our baby died. I am now 26 weeks pregnant with our second baby, so I've had some time to reflect. I do think that not seeing our baby both helped and hurt. I don't have images to reflect back on which I think has helped with trauma, but I did definitely have a sense afterwards of having a phantom pregnancy. It was like one day I was pregnant and having a baby and the next day it never happened. I literally lost 17 pregnancy pounds within 2 weeks of the procedure and really didn't look pregnant anymore within a week. That was mentally hard to accept.

I also think that because we did not have a funeral (more on that in a minute) it encouraged other people to look upon our loss more like a miscarriage rather than a stillbirth...and by that I mean that I think people minimized it. That was hard. I would encourage that no matter what you choose, you hold some kind of service (even if it's a private one). I think that any kind of closure you can get is helpful.

Something I did not know at the time was that I signed away my baby's body. Sadly, because I had a D&E, he was treated as medical waste. I did not know this at the time...was too out of it and in shock...but I was very saddened by this later. I wish wish wish I had his ashes. If you choose the D&E, make sure to ask about this if it's important to you.

Physically, I am 99% sure I chose the "easier" route. The procedure itself took 2 days. The first day they inserted laminaria (seaweed sticks) inside of me. That hurt, but it was over quickly. Then I went home overnight to wait for my cervix to dialate. I did have cramps and was uncomfortable, but could take pain medication up until midnight. The next day I went to the hospital and was put under sedation. I was very scared, but when I woke up it was over. I was given pain medication, which I never really needed. I had my period again in pretty much 30 days..which was very important to me because we sooo wanted to try again.

I can't tell you the right decision to make, because there is no right decision. But I wanted to share my experience so you had something to compare with induction. I am terribly sorry to hear that you're going through this. Try that link I gave you and perhaps you can find some other people to give you some guidance.

Hugs,
Roxanne


----------



## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

to you, everything I was going to say when I read your post is pretty much what Shannon said...

Our baby was born at 26 weeks, He had trisomy 9 which included major kidney problems, after 6 weeks of unsureness, watching and finally an amnio he was diagnosed. We did a very slow induce but our son had died before we started. I personally found the process of laboring very healing and it gave me time to properly say goodbye. We were able to take pictures and hold our son, the hospital weighed him, took his foot prints and even had their own photographer take his picture, he was acknowledged as a person. We had to deal with a funeral home and were able to get a death certificate (which doesn't sound major, but it is the only official thing we have with our son's name on it). But it is very hard laboring knowing your baby has died/will die.

Good luck to you in whatever you choose and please let us know how you are all doing.

take care

tara


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I just wanted to address some of the physical differences for you to think about. I know for me delivering at 22 weeks was very different from delivering my son at full term. My labor with my daughter was under 3 hours and I didn't have to push at all to deliver her. The physical recovery was also shorter than after my son's birth. I did require a D&C later for retained placenta. The procedure was easy enough, but I was left with some lingering pain afterwards. Also a D&C does carry the risk of scarring on the uterus and cervix that can lead to troubles in subsequent pregnancies. Having experienced both I can't really say that one was particularly easier physically than the other.

I also wanted to post the link to a place to remember. They have some links you may find helpful as you struggle with this decision. www.aplacetoremember.com Please keep us updated on how you are doing.


----------



## nydiagonz (Jun 29, 2005)

Kimberly,

I am so sorry that you are faced with this difficult desicion. I will also offer you my story in hopes that it will aid you with your decision. Our son was born extremely premature at 24 weeks because of a placental abruption. He was completely healthy, but my body could not hold on to him anymore. He was our first child. I was not offered a D&C because he was already considered a "viable life". I was offered a cesarian, but knowing that it would not improve his chances, we decided to labor him.

Laboring him was the most awesome experience of my life. I knew that the outcome was not going to be a "healthy baby", but that did not change the beauty of the experience. Holding my child in my arms and being able to say hello and goodbye was so intense and difficult, but I am so glad that I did it. As Jackie and others pointed out; having a face, a smell, a feeling to actually remember you child is a valuable thing and I think that it may validate your experience and your child.

There is no *right* choice and you will have to do what you think is right for you and your family. I wish you all the strength in the world right now.


----------



## Len (Nov 19, 2001)

I have to agree with Shannon (Iris0110). It will be very difficult to deal with the loss, but what you do now will help you heal and go through your grief in the future.
My suggestion would be, take your time (if at all possible) in making your decision and any arrangements to be as prepared as you can.
I would choose to go through labor, many reasons I don't want to get into, but that would be my personal choice.

My older son was also 5 when he lost his baby brother, and he came out with his own explanation, that our baby's body was not working properly so he had to go back to the angels, and that he may come back with a new body if he wishes. In general he has taken everything extremely well; he has been very involved and constantly informed of what was happening, and I think that's helped him somehow.

I am sorry you are going through this h*ell and I hope you can be at peace with your decision, whatever that is.

Elena


----------



## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

First, I want to give you my love, Kimberly, and to all of the wonderful mamas who have shared their stories. I think Iris0110 had some wonderful points to consider in her post...

Our daughter died during 2nd stage labor at 42w gestation, so my situation was a little different then yours. However, years later I still look back on her labor and birth as a powerful experience... Its that much more time that I shared with her, I may not have both of my children, but I can talk about her birth just as I do my 2yo son's.

We have pictures, and I wish I had thought to save the hat and blankets she was in... we also have her ashes... all of these things mean so much when the time you have with your child is already being cut short... we have a lot of mementos but in hindsight I wish we had more.

A woman I worked with when I had DS had her DD a couple weeks later. They knew that the baby had a heart defect that would be fatal from about halfway into the pregnancy, but they felt very strongly about spending the time of the pregnancy with her. She lived for three days after her homebirth. The whole family got to know her, and they have countless pictures. Having lost my own DD during birth, I can't even begin to imagine how she must cherish the memories of those three days... oh, what I would have given for three _minutes_ with my DD...

If I knew that the baby had already expired (especially if it had been a while) then I would consider a D&C... if I had any chance of holding my baby alive, for even a moment, I would choose labor and birth. But that would be _me_, and I beleive that you need to choose what will be best for you. I _trust_ that you will choose what will be best for you.

I wish you much peace, whatever path you follow. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this


----------



## pjabslenz (Mar 25, 2004)

Kimberly,

My heart aches for you as your family faces this difficult decision. Like Iris0110 and many other mommas mentioned, this decision is one that only you can truly make. May you find peace and comfort as you weigh your options and make the decision that is best for you and your family. If I were faced with making this decision, I would choose to birth my baby. I would want to say hello, see, smell, hold, caress, soak up every part of our baby's being, take pictures and so much more before saying our goodbyes. I know I would want more time but that precious time with our baby would help me in dealing with our loss and aid in my closure. I would also request a second opinion.

As I read your post, I was reminded of a little boy, Dillion and his family. His family was faced with a difficult decision after doctors told them their baby would only have a brain stem and no brain. They knew the chances of their baby's survival were slim but chose to go through with the pregnancy, birth and farewell. Dillion is 3 y/o now and a true miracle! His mom stated in her journal that the family was prepared for his death but not at all for his life. He is a fighter and has proved his doctors wrong.

I hope it's okay to post his link.
http://www.ourboogieman.com/Dillionsjourney.html

Praying for peace and comfort as you make this difficult decision.








for you and your family.
Janetann


----------



## farmmama (Feb 6, 2004)

Thanks to everyone for all the advice, stories, and kind words. I have had very little time to think about all of this as we found out Friday, and were thrown into a weekend full of farmers' markets (DH is still away at one). DH and I have had about five minutes alone to talk about it and I won't be able to speak to my Dr. until tomorrow at the earliest--so hearing from you all has been the only input/discussion I've had. The ultrasound we had done on Friday was performed on "the best machine there is" by specialists at Doernbecker Children's Hospital. The perinatologist was 100% confident in the diagnosis and showed me a photo of the babies arteries which distinctly lacked any branches leading to where the kidneys should have been. They spent over an hour looking at the baby--they couldn't find a bladder, or kidneys, and to my untrained eye, the heart looked really weird. I almost stopped watching, but knew these images might have been some of the only ones I would ever get (this was the fifth ultrasound we've had since 5 weeks gest, so luckily we do have several other "photos"). The whole pregnancy has been not-quite-right, and I'm confident of the Dr's diagnosis, so now I need to figure out what to do next. I can't bring myself to carrying the baby to full term (there's no amniotic fluid, so there would have to be injections every week, along with other tests, etc.) knowing there is no hope, and knowing that the longer the baby developes, the more "deformed" it will become. It seems if I want to see my baby, now would be the least traumatic time to do it--and if I don't want to see it, why wait? From reading al your posts, and without any input from DH or Dr., I am leaning towards induction and hopefully live birth. I just read discriptions of the D& E procedure they would use, and I just don't think I can make the decision to lethally inject this baby that is so alive (and kicking) inside of me. But will I be making a selfish decision by giving birth and forcing the baby to feel more pain as he/she dies out of utero?
This is my quandry. I'll continue to mull as opportunities to reflect come up.
In the mean time, thank you so much for all the advice and the web links, every bit brings me a step closer to finding my way through all of this.

Thanks again,

Kimberly

P.S. to Jackie, we're located in Albany, but, until recently I came up to Portland twice a week for farmers' markets (Interstate & Beaverton). (Our farm does seven markets a week up there). I don't know what I'll be doing now. I took last Wednesday off because we were worried about low fluid and lifting, etc., and only go to the Beav for the few hours to help set up the booth. Thanks for the offer of support, you may be hearing from me!


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *farmmama*
P.S. to Jackie, we're located in Albany, but, until recently I came up to Portland twice a week for farmers' markets (Interstate & Beaverton). (Our farm does seven markets a week up there). I don't know what I'll be doing now. I took last Wednesday off because we were worried about low fluid and lifting, etc., and only go to the Beav for the few hours to help set up the booth. Thanks for the offer of support, you may be hearing from me!

Kimberly,
I am about 45 minutes from Albany. Anything I can do to help. I am 15-20 minutes from Doernbecker's, as well. I am really looking forward to hearing from you...


----------



## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

it sounds like you are going through exactly what we went through a year ago. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

http://websrv.aoxoa.com/personal/tar...lan/index.html is the link to the story my husband wrote while we were going through it all. Take all the time you need to come to the right decission for your family. We talked about it so much over the weeks, I posted here repeatedly, I spoke to our son until I finally just *knew* what we had to do. Once I finally decided I didn't think too much about it and didn't let myself have doubts and trusted what I was doing, but it was very hard and sad.

No one should ever have to make this type of decission

take care

tara


----------



## ceilydhmama (Mar 31, 2003)

I'm so sorry for the pain you are in. I hope you come to a peaceful decision.

I can share my experience - maybe it will help with your choice.

I discovered at 16 weeks that I had a placental abruption brought on by taking a strong medication without knowing I was pregnant. I bled through my entire pregnancy and the ultrasound at 16 weeks confrimed that the baby had not been developing properly and would not survive much longer. I wasn't given an option of inducing and had the DnE that afternoon - for my own safety.

It felt very much like a medical procedure. Waking up in recovery was horrible for me - I had this horrible doubt in the pit of my stomach, and felt like I had done something awful. I am pro-choice, but it hurt emotionally to see 'abortion' written on my medical file. I also don't remember the date and I was never given info on the babies gender. It was 10 years ago - but because of how it was done, it never felt like the birth and loss of a child, simply the termination of an unsuccessful pregnancy.

That was my experience, my best friend also had a loss, more like your own I guess.

She and her dh discovered at 22 weeks that their baby had anencephaly. After a weekend home they decided not to carry the baby to term and opted to induce labour. The baby was given pain medication (at their request) on her birth and she passed quietly in her mama's arms about 2 minutes after birth. My friend could see for herself that her daughter was beautiful, but would have been unable to survive.

My friend named her daughter and had a small family ceremony where they planted a tree and said good bye. She is sad every year on the week leading up to her daughter's birth/loss day.

Mama, none of your choices will make this less painful, or easier to live with. And neither of them will probably feel completely 'right'. This is a sad lonely road you are on, but it will get better.

I wish you peace.


----------



## mimi_n_tre (Jun 15, 2005)

If only....
I am really getting to hate those words. After I went in to the hospital last Wednesday to confirm that Jase was dead, the only thing I looked at on the computer were pictures of what Jase would look like when he came out. Some of the pictures of the babies were pretty bad, but most were beautiful but still. I knew I wanted to see my baby ( I didn't know it was a boy yet.) I was 29 weeks but the ultrasound said that he was measuring 23 weeks, yet I had felt him move about 2 1/2 weeks prior at 26 1/2 weeks. When I delivered Jases had been dead 3 weeks.
With my first son, I had an emergency C/S due to severe HELLP syndrome and since I was at a hospital with no NICU, he was transported to a separate hospital. The only thing I remember after having him were his hands and feet kicking in the incubator. The only thing I got to see of him was a picture for three days, which wasn't a great picture either. I felt cheated out of having my son.
When this pregnancy came along, I had to go out of my way to have a VBAC but it was worth it. But I still regret some of it. This was my baby boy. I feel so selfish. If only I could go back 5 days... I had planned to go au natural with this one, but I think once it started to kick in that he was dead I thought why should I have to have this much pain to have a dead child? Selfish. If only....I regret asking for pain medication, I was given Stadol and don't remember a lot of it as I kept zoning out in between contractions. I remember having one contraction at about 8:30 and feeling him start to come out and at 8:32 or so and feeling him again. I only had bad contractions for about 1 1/2 hours. I could have done it. If only...
The doc broke my water and my contractions stopped. Jase was breech so the last part was his head which I had to push out.
The nurse cleaned him up and asked me if I wanted pictures. I said "yes," and she said "well many don't." I'm really glad that I did. She asked me if I wanted to hold him and I did. If only I could hold him some more... I didn't hold him enough. Even for being dead for three weeks, he was still perfectly intact, and perfect looking. Some of his skin was kindof coming off, but he was identical to myself and his brother.
If only I had gotton to this site before he was born. Shannon has a really great list and I wish I would have read it earlier. I did get pictures, I didn't take off his blanket, I wish I could look at his cute baby butt like most parents get to, or play with his little feet. I got footprints, but would love to have finger prints and molds of each, his hands were so small and perfect. I am still waiting for the mortuary to call to say that hopefully I can come and look at him again and hopefully put some things on him that I am making for him. Hopefully he is still in the blanket and hat from the hopital. My poor baby. We named him, but he had no hair. I didn't hold him enough and wish I could sing to him. I wish I didn't tell the nurse that she could take him. He was MY BABY. If only...
Whatever you decide to do, the outcome is still the same. We don't get to take our little ones home. We don't get to hear them cry. We don't get to see them in school plays, and have their own children.
Love You Jase,
Mary.


----------



## lestouffer (Jul 2, 2002)

Kimberly, I am so sorry for the decision that you have to make. I have been there twice and both times I chose the D&E.
First my story: I had a 3 year old daughter when I found out I was pregnant with our second child. Everything is normal until our 21 week u/s when htey send me the next week for a followup with a higher power machine "because we cannot see his head real well". I have no recolection of that week at all. I, alone, went to the perinatologists the following week for the level II u/s. There, he, my first son, was diagnosed with severe Dandy Walker syndrome and given a pretty much fatal diagnosis. So, then I had to call my husband with that info. After much consideration, we decided on a D&E. Then 3 years and 2 days later, I had another one for the very same reason with our third child (our second son).

Reasons why I chose the D&E: I didn't need a visual to remember this child. I prefer to remember him rolling about in my tummy,not resting still on a blanket. I am not sure that I emotionally could have handled that, but everyone is different.

Second, 6 weeks later I was pregnant with our second daughter. Your hormones are still raging for sometime and if you are planning on trying again soon, this is your best bet, especially if you struggle with difficulty conceiving (I don'). That being said, I dind't conceive our third daughter for 4 months after my second D&E.

Anotehr thing, is I never got injected (I should say they) with teh medicine to kill them prior to the surgery (at least while I was a wake, they were both done under general anesthesia). I suspect that my first son was alreay dead, but I have never confirmed that, as what's the point?

A good web site is www.aheartbreakingchoice.com It is for mothers who have had to make these exact decisions. I probably should say parents, I am sure that there are some Dad's on there somewhere.

It is NEVER an easy decision, feel free to pm me if you need some support.

Sorry,


----------



## bamamom (Dec 9, 2004)

I have lost three babies, but I was not as far along as you are. I chose no intervention, Ijust let my body decide. And the most healing thing for me was going through the pain of labor, as strange as it sounds. With my second, I took pain meds and suddenly Iwas numb. And it was way worse than feeling the pain. So...In my situation, I chose to feel the labor, and I held #2 and saw #3. It helped tremendously.

Having said that, I would not do a D&E unless they anesthesized the baby first. I think, for me, it would add to my pain knowing my baby felt any pain, yk? If you wait, or schedule an induction, at least there would be no pain or disfigurment, and the baby could die in your arms, or shortly before.

If my babies could have survived long enough to be born, I would definitlely have chosen to let them be born undrugged and die in my arms.

I am so so sorry you are faced withthis......all my love and hugs to you...


----------



## mely (Feb 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *farmmama*
P.S. to Jackie, we're located in Albany, but, until recently I came up to Portland twice a week for farmers' markets (Interstate & Beaverton). (Our farm does seven markets a week up there). I don't know what I'll be doing now. I took last Wednesday off because we were worried about low fluid and lifting, etc., and only go to the Beav for the few hours to help set up the booth. Thanks for the offer of support, you may be hearing from me!

I have NO idea what you are going through and at this point there are no words that I can say that would make things better. I just wanted to let you know that I'm in Corvallis (and there's a few of us over here) and if there's anything at all that I can to do help - please let me know.


----------



## farmmama (Feb 6, 2004)

First I want to thank all of you for your stories. I really appreciate the openess and helpfullness that came through in all of the posts. After speaking with my Doctor, and with DH, we decided to travel out of town for a D&E. My two main concerns were that the baby feel no pain, and that we were able to get the babies cremains. I didn't want to have the baby suffer through the pains of labor and then death, and DH couldn't bear the thought of watching the baby die. We could have had the baby's heart stopped prior to induction, but decided we didn't want the memories of this labor to get bound up with our previous and potential future births. So, It was a three-day-long ordeal which involved the insertion of "lams" and the injection of KCl into the babies heart on the first, most emotionally painful day, then more lams on the second and most physically painful day, then the procedure on the third and most numb day. And now I recover, fading in and out of grief for the loss we have suffered, but always knowing we made the right decision for our family. I will never forget the support you all have expressed here.
Thanks again,

Kimberly


----------



## Fi. (May 3, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you were able to make a decision you felt was right for all involved.


----------



## Rmeg (Jul 8, 2005)

Thank you for sharing your indredible story. Hopefully your experience will help others too. I am very sorry for your loss and urge you to be kind to yourself at this really difficult time.


----------



## bamamom (Dec 9, 2004)

Cry, think , talk it out. It will get a little sharper, then it will gradually get better. Huggs


----------



## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

Kimberly. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself and get as much rest as possible. How are your dh and kids? How have family members reacted to the loss? I hope that those you care about most support you and treat you and your dh well.


----------

