# Grieving for Stillbirth Baby Camilo



## janet1972 (Nov 1, 2008)

Hello,
This is my first time getting into a website for support. I lost my beautiful baby boy Camilo on October 17, 2008. The part I don't understand is that I saw him on October 14, 2008 healthy and he had a heartbeat. He was my last dream child I was hoping for but on October 17 my world stop and now I don't know how I can go back to the world. I feel so much pain inside me. I have family and friends telling me kind and supportive words to help me pass by but there are good days and bad ones too. He was 21 inches long and weight 6lbs 15 ounces, he was absolutely perfect it seems like he was just sleeping and I thought that he would wake up at any moment but then reality hits you like a pile of bricks. I talk to him everyday and I pray that he is safe and in peace. I wonder why did it happen? what I could of done different?


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## seeing_stars (May 3, 2005)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I am so sorry. I too lost my baby just before birth. It does feel like your world is ending, but somehow it continues on. Peace to you. Come to MDC often, it a great place for support and healing.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I'm so sorry










You are in my prayers, mama.


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## mommato5 (Feb 19, 2007)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy. We don't know why these things happen. My daughter passed shortly after her birth due to my negligent midwife.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

Oh momma, big hugs! There is nothing you could have done differently. We are all here for similar reasons.. this is the most tragic heartbreaking thing that could ever happen to a family. I lost my son 9/9/08, almost two months now.. it's **** hurts a great deal, but I am able to go about the day to day life a little easier now. I believe time and letting yourself grieve as you need to are the best healer for this. It breaks my heart all over again each time someone new posts on this board.. this shouldn't happen to any of us, yet here we are. I have found the most support through other mommas that have gone through the same horrible experience.. we are the only ones that can truly know the depth of this pain.. come here as often as you need to!
Sending lots of love and hugs to you and your family! I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet baby Camilo.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

My heart breaks with you. I'll pray for you and your family for comfort.

My grief over the loss of my newborn son three months ago is like nothing I've ever experienced before. The MDC pregnancy and birth loss board is a great source of comfort for me - I hate knowing that others have had to go through this same thing but it is nice to have someplace where I can come to talk to others who really do understand (if you haven't been through the loss of a child it is impossible to relate).

I'm so sorry for your loss. We're here when you need us.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so deeply sorry mama


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

I, also am so very sorry. unfortunately, most of us can completely relate to your situation. I'm glad you are here. it's a pretty small group of women who know exactly what you are going through. again, huge huge empathetic hugs to you and your family including sweet Camilo.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. None of us should ever have to face this.

I lost my beautiful daughter Emma on 14th October so our losses occured around a similar time. I can relate to everything you put in your post - we lost Emma after a beautiful and straightforward labor - she had a strong heartbeat until moments before she was born. She simply didn't breathe and we don't know why. I ask myself daily whether I could have changed things - I was her mother, surely I could've protected her in some way. But, you know, we would have done anything we could have done to keep our babies safe. It was not our fault that our babies were not able to come home with us.

I'm glad you have people around - that is helping DH and I at the moment, knowing there are people offering gentle love and support. I can't tell you when or how or if this gets easier/better ... I can only say that there are lots of here on the journey with you








Camilo


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I am so sorry mama. I lost my daughter Josie on October 10th - she was full term as well. I had a placental abruption and she died very peacefully inside me, but that also created a situation in which I lost a lot of blood so altogether the whole thing was very very dramatic. However the hospital staff took tons of photos which were beautiful. Her birth story is here and her website is here.

I found it very helpful to share as much as I could about the birth - telling the story helped me sort it out in my head. I also wanted to share her still, even though she was no longer alive. That might help you as well - but, everyone grieves differently so if that's not something you want to do, it's okay too.

Much love to you - and many hugs. I am sorry for your loss of your son. You will feel more able to go on as time goes on but for me it was a relearning process of even the most ordinary things at first.

Hugs XXXX


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I'm sorry for your loss of baby Camilo









A full term loss is very difficult. I am nearly one year into my loss journey and I can say that it does get better....I'm a different person but I've learned to incorporate the loss of my baby girl into my life. For the first little bit it is very difficult, I cried a lot, every day. But give yourself time to cry and grieve and express your feeling, even if it just on this board or in a journal. If you have no one to talk to in real life, a journal can be very helpful....just to record thoughts and feeling and get it out.

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry.


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## usmcwfe (Aug 17, 2006)

I'm so sorry. You, your family and your baby are in my prayers. This is a wonderful place for support and hope, I hope you find both here as I have.


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## hollycat (Aug 13, 2008)

sweetie, you are in the right place. we know what youre going through. plese be gentle wth yourself, take care of yourself, and let others take care of you. there arent a lot of good answers to the question why sometimes. let yourself be loved.


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## Sanguine (Sep 8, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss of your son Camilo.








Please be good to yourself and don't blame yourself... take all the support you can find from your family and from people who understand, like the other moms at MDC.
peace to you and your family.


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## jennifer_lc1 (Sep 8, 2007)

i'm so sorry mama







baby camilo


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## ctdoula (Dec 26, 2002)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Janet, I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious son Camilo.
The pain will change with time, although it is very hard to believe
that now. You will slowly find your own way "back to the world."
I remember too well the numbness and then the pain of the first
few months after I lost my son last year. I think of him every day,
and always will, but it does not hurt the same way, now.
Peace to you in your journey.

Em


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

There is nothing you could have done differently. Please take it one day at a time, and everyone at MDC is here for you.
























: Camilo


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## gratefulbambina (Mar 20, 2005)

Janet I see you haven't posted since November, but in case you see this I'm happy that you were able to log in. I think about you all the time and you know you can always write me when needed.

Thinking of you and wishing you peace

Carrie


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss. Just wanted to second what all these mamas have said...there is nothing you could have done to prevent this. If you do come back, I hope you know that this is a safe place for you to talk about everything, because we too know the pain and anguish of losing our babies.


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