# What do you do when someone wants to use an unsafe car seat in your car?



## sparklett (Nov 25, 2006)

Our friends have a 10 month old who weighs about 17-18 pounds. They have him forward-facing and the car seat is built in such a way that it can't be RF. Last time we had them in our car, they put him in FF with VERY loose straps. I was shocked but didn't say anything (yeah, stupid, I know). We're carpooling to an event tomorrow and we're going to have to deal with this all over again.

What should I say? Should I tell them they can't ride with us? Should I tell them that if we got in an accident, my insurance wouldn't cover their baby?


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## MariesMama (Sep 26, 2008)

I would call them and ask about the car seat. Tell them that unless he's transported in a LEGAL manner, you aren't able to drive them anywhere.

Sometimes you have to forget about safety and best practice for a minute, and think about what's even legal.


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## HeatherB (Jan 30, 2003)

Do you have an extra seat you can pre-install in the car for them? I definitely think it's important to take the ultimate responsibility for anyone riding in my car, and have both used my own seats and insisted on properly installed and tightened seats/belts in my vehicle. It can be awkward to do so, but in my car, I'm responsible for their safety.

If you don't have an extra seat on hand, but you'll be carpooling with any regularity, perhaps it would be worth purchasing an inexpensive convertible like the Scenera, so you can always ensure it's installed well and used properly.


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

No one is allowed in my car unless they are properly restrained. I dont want them landing on ME or MY KID if they go flying in a crash.

Also, I would NEVER allow an illegal set up in my car, b/c its my problem if I get pulled over. So no way would a 10month old be allowed to FF in my car, actually no one under 2/30 would be allowed to FF in my car.

I would say that either they have to have a correctly installed and used seat (I would offer to help if needed)
OR I provide a seat (which I also would install/adjust)


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## Amanda L (Jun 29, 2010)

I have an extra car seat already installed in my car for my stepson to use. Anytime a child under 65 pounds wants to ride in my car, into that seat they go!

I have been known to reinstall family/friends carseats that weren't in properly and to give family carseats when theirs expired. I'm not very subtle.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

FF before 1 is illegal here so I would simply say we must comply to the law 'cause at the very least I'm not risking my license.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I wouldn't be able to drive like that

If they were a friend to me I would get them a seat and insist they use it correctly. What seat are they using that it cannot be used RF? What are the laws in your state regarding RF?

I have never allowed someone to ride in my car without buckeling their seatbelt. I haven't hesitated to lecture adults about safety I wouldn't hesitate to lecture adults about child safety.









I am not really bossy, I have anxiety and am a bit OCD.







I can't drive if I am freaking out about someone being ok in my car.


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## DahliaRW (Apr 16, 2005)

In Washington you (as the driver) would be legally liable for an illegally restrained child in your car. I don't know what the laws are where you are, but if they are the same then you can simply say that it's your rear on the line if you get pulled over or in an accident so you cannot drive a child that is illegally restrained.

If it's not your liability, then I would simply say that you can't condone breaking the law so you cannot transport that child. Then offer the use of your properly installed rfing seat. And, if the parents seem like they might listen, offer info on why rfing is safer and why the law is what it is (and why the law is only the legal minimum, and not best practice).


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## sparklett (Nov 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeatherB* 
Do you have an extra seat you can pre-install in the car for them?

Why in the world didn't I think of that?! I have TWO extra car seats, both Boulevards, that I can use!! I'll just install it today (RF, of course) and it'll be a moot point. If they fight the RF rule, then we'll have to break out the big guns and explain that it's illegal (in my state it's 1 year AND 20 pounds).

Thanks.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

I would tell them that I can't transport him until they get him in a legal seat. I won't drive adults who won't buckle up and I won't drive kids who are illegally secured.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Glad you have an extra seat. I agree with not driving a FF infant since it's illegal and you'd be the one in trouble.


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## HeatherB (Jan 30, 2003)

So glad that will work easily for you!


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

Also, I would NEVER allow an illegal set up in my car, b/c its my problem if I get pulled over.
Totally. You'll be the one paying the ticket.


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## CookAMH (Jun 2, 2008)

How did it go?


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I had to deal with this once with a woman who didn't want to put her 18 month old in any type of carseat. Since technically out in town where we are it isn't illegal (where we live there isn't any car seat laws in town but on base there is, they just aren't well defined) I went with the my car my rules thing. I told her I couldn't in good conscious drive a child around in a way that could cause them to get injured or killed. She got defensive but went and got her carseat (which she had one) and installed it.

Back in the states I know in California you can get arrested for child endangerment for not having a child properally restrained in your vehicle whether you are the parent or not.

Howd things go?


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## Eclipsepearl (May 20, 2007)

This happened to me. ***I*** was the one that mother refused to take without a car seat. I had just asked for a ride back into town. I just wasn't thinking!!

Luckily, the host mom of the playgroup had an extra seat. It wasn't the greatest but then I got the ride. My son was strapped in and everyone was happy.

Looking back, I'm grateful that other mom spoke up. I'm glad she pointed it out and stood her ground. Once she clearly explained it, I told her "You're right!"

I think it really made me more aware of the whole issue. Now I'm the one who is running around pointing out things to friends, family and even strangers. I try to be positive and tactful, like that mom was with me.

New moms are often bombarded with "Don't do this" and "don't do that" and "this is better than that", etc. They get it from everywhere and it can really be hard to sort out the outdated, old wives' tales from actual current fact. Also, risk assessment is really hard for a new parent. What is really an actual danger to my child and what should I really be looking out for?

Since car seat misuse is so common, it's easy to overlook or underestimate.

So don't be afraid to tactfully educate. My child was safer for it and it kind of peaked my interest in the whole subject.


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## Adventuredad (Apr 23, 2008)

I have extra RF seats so I can keep a couple of extra toddlers ( up to about 5 years of age or 55 lbs) in our car in addition to my own kids (6.5 and 4). I also have extra high back booster seats.

I would never allow anyone to ride without a proper car seat in my car and same goes when my kids ride with another parent. Things are easier now when my kids are older but if another parent doesn't have proper seats I transport my kid by myself.

Opinions on this subject vary greatly among parents by I find it important since we do know that fatalities in traffic is number one cause of death for children in US.


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