# Strangers talking about spanking to you...



## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

I went to a wedding on Saturday and the bride's dad (we were there for the groom) started talking to me about spanking. It started because my ds (2.5 years old) and a little girl about his age were playing outside the reception hall in the little garden area. I was watching them, but also talking to a group of relatives. The bride's dad came over and asked who was watching the kids (valid concern) and I said I was. He then started talking to me about how his kids ran off when they were little and he "whooped their [email protected]#es". He kept telling me story after story about spanking his kids, that they were about my ds's age, and that it hurt him more than it hurt them. I was shocked. Do complete strangers really think it's okay to tell people that they spank(ed) their kids? Like I was going to pat him on the back for that and tell him he was a great dad? I wasn't sure if he was telling me I should spank Max for playing in the garden area or what. Of course during this whole time Max decided to run out into the parking lot, so I got to show this dad how to GD- I think he was actually amazed at how well my ds responded to that rather than a spanking.

Do other people have stories like this? I'm just curious if this is normal!!!

S.


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## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

I've never had a stranger tell me that, but I've heard my sister tell people she's just met about spanking her kids.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I've had strangers talk to me about spanking. It doesn't freak me out too much from strangers - particularly from older generations where spanking was even more common. But it does really freak me out when friends with kids dd's age talk about spanking their kids, and especially when they laugh about it and joke about how much meaner they are than each other.

"I spanked my daughter because she kept getting up at night."

"I spanked my son, and when he didn't respond I pulled down his diaper and spanked him again on his bare butt!"

ugh.


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

my DH's grandmother just talked to me about it last night...i was telling her (stupidly, i now realize) that DS had been hitting me that night (long story, he was very annoyed and we tried to have him visit the nursing home and he was NOT happy, then we left WITHOUT Daddy and he freaked out so it had been a crappy night and i had lost my humor too...) and she said "oh, well you can't let him do that" so i'm thinking to myself "no shit. thanks for the tip." and she goes on to say "as soon as they start that you have to smack their little hands and tell them they can't hit you." and of course i'm thinking "yyyyyeah...because he'll really understand the words coming out of my mouth WHILE i'm actually HITTING him. pft." but i just said "yes, i hold his hands in my hands and explain that we don't hit in our family." and she just kept going on about how if i let him start that now, he'll start thinking it's ok and other things will follow, blah blah blah.

don't get me wrong, i love Grandma...but her ways of raising her kids was less than desirable in my opinion. she doesn't "believe" in breastfeeding because you can never tell how much they're drinking. um...ok...i don't even know how to combat that...why does it even matter how many ounces? whatever...anyway...yes...i know what you mean.. unfortunately this wasn't a stranger and i couldn't really make the comments i might have made if it weren't DH's darling Grandma.


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## chicagomom (Dec 24, 2002)

S, hooray that you got an opportunity to model GD! I have found that some people who talk about spanking their kids are actually kinda 'feeling around' for alternative ways to handle difficult situations (or affirmation that this is what you do too). Not everyone, but it doesn't hurt to just say 'oh, how interesting' and then model GD for them.

Some people literally have had NO other models for discipline than hitting, just as some have had no exposure to breastfeeding.

Michelle, I'd laugh at grandma and just say 'well you know the thing about babies is, what goes in, comes out. So whoever changes the diapers usually has a good idea whether or not she's eating.'


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## MrsMoe (May 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maxwill129*
"whooped their [email protected]#es".









:


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## HelloKitty (Apr 1, 2004)

Yes I have had strangers say things about spanking to me. It seems that a lot of folks that are spankers are very pro-spanking. Strange thing to be proud of I think but it does seem that way. Especially the older generation.


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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HelloKitty*
It seems that a lot of folks that are spankers are very pro-spanking.

I've been starting to realize that. Why do you think that is? Do you think they need to justify why they spank by acting like it is the only right choice?

S.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Yea I have had some people share spanking stories with me, but not recently. It was mostly when my kids were little. I often got the vibe that the stories they were sharing were really to tell me that I should consider spanking... they were just trying to be subtle about it. I just usally said, "Oh we are don't hurt our children." or something. Depending on where/who/ and what the situation was mattered of course.


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## HelloKitty (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maxwill129*
I've been starting to realize that. Why do you think that is? Do you think they need to justify why they spank by acting like it is the only right choice?

I think they truly believe that it "works". They think that kids should be trained like they are property or something and when you spank a child you will intially get obediance. They don't consider the long term consequences or the fact that it is morally just wrong!


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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

Yeah, I guess you're right, HelloKitty. It just makes me sad that people think that spanking is in any way beneficial.

S.


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## HelloKitty (Apr 1, 2004)

Me too


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## binxsmom (Jun 14, 2004)

it's a sad commentary on our society when it is acceptable and the norm for a person to brag about spanking their child.


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## Dal (Feb 26, 2005)

A man at playgroup today was joking around about how it looks like Simon is going to be tall when he grows up. I mentioned that my dad and Simon's dad are both tall. He started joking that tall people are bad. Short people are good. They stay short b/c people are always petting their heads and saying how good they are. He told Simon that he should go and tell Grandpa that he's so tall b/c he's full of bull (or something equally lame), and then added that after saying that, Simon should run off -- implying that Grandpa would hit him for the stupid joke. What a moronic thing to say. I just sat there with a stupid half-smile on my face and didn't comment. Now I feel as though I should have said something. I need to start assuming that Simon understands what is going on.

It isn't too common around here (at least not from my experience) for strangers to talk about spanking. CIO, that is another story. Both are done in private as well (again from my experience). It is very rare indeed to see someone spank a child in public around here (I'm in Ontario, Canada) and the parent would be given a tonne of dirty looks for doing that and I wouldn't be surprised if someone called the police too.


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## Siana (Jun 21, 2004)

My parents beat me up through my childhood and the last time was when I was 16. My parents are coming over this summer and this shall be the first time they see our babies (long story: mom was diagnosed with cancer last year...). I know GD/spanking is going to come up and now I dread my parents having comments like those mentioned above







: I guess I'll take it as it comes.


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## Rainbow (Nov 19, 2001)

I had a stranger the other day compliment the "good behaviour" of my kids while we ate dinner out (they were hungry... some days they are wild at restaurants.lol) Anyway, she went on to say the problem with kids today is that parents are afraid to spank them and "show them who is boss" And thathas led to the decline of such well behaved chidlren like mine. :LOL

Imagine her backpeddling when I said something to the affect of "Actually they are well behaved because I show them the common respect that I expect them to extend to others which, of course, includes not hitting them"

:LOL

My parents keep telling me that I should be thankful I have kids who "let" me not spank them.. some kids just totally need it, don't ya know?


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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Siana*
My parents beat me up through my childhood and the last time was when I was 16. My parents are coming over this summer and this shall be the first time they see our babies (long story: mom was diagnosed with cancer last year...). I know GD/spanking is going to come up and now I dread my parents having comments like those mentioned above







: I guess I'll take it as it comes.

I'm so sorry, Siana! I hope that you can just SHOW your parents how well GD works. I think that people can't deny how well GD works when they see it in action...just like Rainbow's comments about the woman in the restaurant. I hope that the visit will go well. Come to the boards if you need support!!! I'll be thinking of you!!!

S.


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

I do see it a little differently, at least among both the younger and older people I interact with - or maybe it's just wishful thinking, hoping for the best. It seems to me, when they go on and ON and ON about spanking, CIO, etc is that they are trying to reassure themselves more and more the less reaction or nonplussed reaction they receive. Sort of like, "I WAS right, wasn't I? Or was I? Why, yes I was, even though you are giving me no positive reassurances."

A grandma in our family said the same thing along the lines of PP, "your daughter is so well behaved. a lot of parents only threaten their children with spanking but then never follow through, what kind of parenting is that." She's said this to me on several occasions with no reaction from me or the usual "huh" when I disagree. I was sooo tired of hearing it.

This time, I was like, "uh yeah grandma, but we've never spanked DD, we haven't ever used time-out even. we give choices, we have high expectations for behavior, but we also coslept and breastfed for years - i think it's more about the relationship?"

Grandma says, "oh. well she seems all right _anyways_, I guess..."


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

I had a women I just met the other day say to me, after her 2.5 yr old dd slapped at her face, "I had to spank her because she needs to know that hitting is wrong".
I was dumbfounded. I just kept staring at her wondering if she would realize the ludicrousy of her statement. She didn't.
I guess I have been incredibly naive, I didn't think spanking occurred much anymore.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

Imagine her backpeddling when I said something to the affect of "Actually they are well behaved because I show them the common respect that I expect them to extend to others which, of course, includes not hitting them"










I don't know if I'd be brave enough to say it--I guess it depends on the context of meeting the stranger--but once when I was discussing GD with a stranger







, she told me that a man had been bragging to her in just the same way as the guy Maxwill129 met, and she told him in her best gentle active-listening voice, "Sounds like beating your children makes you feel really good about yourself!"


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca*
she told him in her best gentle active-listening voice, "Sounds like beating your children makes you feel really good about yourself!"

ha.


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