# 2 year old getting pushed around at play group



## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

I was at an attachment parenting playgroup for the first time today, and observed a 3.5 year old repeatedly grabbing a toy from a younger 3 year old, and pushing the younger child to get the toy he wanted. The older child's mom's response was to go and try to get them to share, but the end result was that the older child who had been grabbing and pushing A) got positive attention from his mom, B) got the toy he wanted, while C) the younger child was directed to a different toy to play with.

So, ten minutes later, the younger 3 year old (who had been grabbed from and shoved) came and did the same thing to my very gentle spirited 2 year old. He grabbed the toy my son was playing with, and when my son objected and tried to get it back, he shoved him. I told the mom that I was not ok with this, and she intervened in a pretty weak way, but the end result was that the 3 year old A) got positive attention from his mom, B) got to keep the toy, and C) I found a new toy for my son to play with to distract him because he was so upset.

Does it ever seem like gentle discipline in some parents has become no discipline? Is it wrong for me to expect there to be consequences when one child grabs, pushes, shoves, another child, especially a younger one? Am I totally off base when I feel like a mother very gently reminding her child to share after he grabs and shoves is a pretty lousy and non-helpful response?

I have pretty much a zero tollerance attitude toward violence, and that includes kids pushing eachother around. I brought up my concerns with one of the moms, who said she felt that a certain amoung of pushing and shoving was normal and that my son would go through that phase, too. I responded that if my son were to push another child at playgroup, he would be immediately removed from the play group, at least for a short time. I also said that I felt we needed to establish some ground rules as a group about how we handled pushing, shoving and grabbing.

Just because something is developmentally normal doesn't mean that we encourage, or even reward the behavior. To me, it seemed like the pushers and grabbers were rewarded by positive attention and by getting what they wanted. It has really made me reflect on what I will do if and when my son starts pushing/grabbing. He does, from time to time, grab a toy (usually one that we being grabbed from him). If he does grab out of the blue, I tell him that we don't grab and that he needs to wait his turn. And when another child wants to play with something he has, I will usually tell my son he can play with it for a little longer, but then he needs to share and take turns, and I make sure that he does. He seems to really get taking turns and sharing, and gets really hurt when other children don't take turns or share.

The end result is that it seems like my son does most of the sharing in some play situations, while pushier kids get whatever they want. I don't want my son to not be able to stand up for himself, and it feels like he ends up doing more sharing than is just or right in order to keep the peace. I'm just frustrated by it. I'm tired of seeing no consequence for violent pushy behavior.

I actually do think there is a time and a place for time outs, or at least removal from the situation. To not remove a child who is pushing and grabbing from the situation seems to reward the child's behavior.

Any thoughts? Am I totally out of line to expect more parental response in these situations?


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I like Gentle discipline to a point.

But that is not sharing. That is toyjacking. Your son had the toy, it should have been removed from the toyjacker's hand and given back to the original "owner". Sharing is "you get some time with it, and I get some time with it". Or "When you are done, could I have it?"

I do think what a lot of parents call gentle discipline is really a parent who either CAN'T control their child, or can't bear to see him or her unhappy.

When my daughter was little it just KILLED me to see her be sad. I was not good at letting her "deal with it" I usually found a way to make her happy. But, I would have told her to give the toy back. If she didn't give it back, I would have "helped" her give it back. But, I would have been sympathetic, and helped her find a nice toy that she would have liked.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

I think that focusing on consequences for behavior is not the most effective parenting tool. It sounds like you have a need to see these children receive some sort of negative consequence - would that really make you feel better? It wouldn't change what happened to your child... and it might not change their future behavior, either, at least not for a long time, if at all.

Those children were trying to meet a desire and did not have the skills to either ask for what they wanted appropriately or turn their attention to something else if they could not have what they wanted. Teaching them those skills would be the most important part of the intervention by the parent, in my opinion. More important than imposing negative consequences.

However, I agree with you that there was a lack of appropriate intervention. If the parent is only reacting to a behavior AFTER it occurs, they've missed most of the opportunity for teaching, which occurs before the child has resorted to inappropriate behavior. If it were my child and I knew that my child was prone to grabbing things out of other children's hands, shoving them, or pushing them, I would be right on top of my DD during play dates, ready to "coach" her before an incident occurred and physically block pushing, grabbing, etc.

However, honestly, parents of 2-3 year olds are often very weary and look upon playdates as an opportunity to get some very-much-needed interaction with other adults and relaxation from the constant interaction with their child. I find myself having to be the one ready to intervene between DD and an older child if I want to keep her safe and (hopefully) prevent her from learning to treat younger children the same way older aggressive children have treated her.


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## hhurd (Oct 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
I think that focusing on consequences for behavior is not the most effective parenting tool. It sounds like you have a need to see these children receive some sort of negative consequence - would that really make you feel better? It wouldn't change what happened to your child... and it might not change their future behavior, either, at least not for a long time, if at all.

Those children were trying to meet a desire and did not have the skills to either ask for what they wanted appropriately or turn their attention to something else if they could not have what they wanted. Teaching them those skills would be the most important part of the intervention by the parent, in my opinion. More important than imposing negative consequences.

Thanks, BC. Great post.

Referring to very young child as a "toyjacker" is disturbing. What a violent image! A three year old grabbing a toy away from another is not comparable to stealing another person's car at gunpoint. Yes..I'm sensitive to the language used to describe children, even the children who don't always behave in the most socially acceptable ways (i.e., all children at some time or another!)


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I agree that your group needs ground rules.

I personally would not attend a playgroup where a snatched toy remained with the child who took it. That would make me very uncomfortable. I would expect my child's toy to be given back, and I would expect my own child to give back property that didn't belong to him. So, if the group wasn't on board with that, I would find another group.


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## CJNeeley (Jun 8, 2005)

I agree with heartmama. To me, it's a bad idea to expose you're child to a setting where he can see negative actions rewarded (like getting to keep and play with a snatched toy). He may learn it's ok.

This inadvertantly happened to us. We allowed some things to slide with other people's children because we were at the time more concerned about him seeing the parents "discipline" their children by yelling and spanking/hitting (as he had previously witnessed some of this and was very distraught by it) and didn't really think about what sort of lasting impression ignoring it and redirecting him could have. Now we've had some situations where he will do similar things to his younger brother and sister that he has seen other people doing or had people do to him. So regardless of what the other parent does, I realized the hard way you really have to impress upon your child that it's really not ok whether he's doing the action or just seeing it. So if the group is in agreement that this is ok, I'd leave; but if it's just the one child, it may also be that everyone actually agrees with you but are just afraid to say anything to this mama--you know how it is with parenting.


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
I think that focusing on consequences for behavior is not the most effective parenting tool. It sounds like you have a need to see these children receive some sort of negative consequence - would that really make you feel better? It wouldn't change what happened to your child... and it might not change their future behavior, either, at least not for a long time, if at all.

Those children were trying to meet a desire and did not have the skills to either ask for what they wanted appropriately or turn their attention to something else if they could not have what they wanted. Teaching them those skills would be the most important part of the intervention by the parent, in my opinion. More important than imposing negative consequences.

Actually, I'm not nearly as concerned about consequences as I am about what my child being in an emotionally and physically safe environment, and what is learning and what the other children are learning. My son is very observant, and what he saw that day was that when another child grabs and pushes, the other child ultimately got to keep the toy he was playing with. It disturbed me was that there were positive consequences for an antisocial behavior. Yes, I know that grabbing and shoving are ways children try to communicate, but that does not mean that it is OK for a parent to allow a child to communicate that way, or to get their way when they do communicate that way. I think that by consequence, what I would have liked to have seen is the toy given back to the one from whom it was taken, and then the mom working with the child to use words to ask to share. Maybe consequence is not the right word from what I'm trying to say.

One of the children in question has plenty of verbal skills to ask for what he wants. He has had issues with shoving and pushing for some time now. A couple of other moms have had to stop spending time with this particular mother and child because their own kids were always getting hurt. This particular mom is a wonderful, patient person, and always reacts with love, compassion and patience to her son, which I truly admire. But it seems in this case, the lack of any consequence, or rather, the fact that there are positive consequences for his for his behavior is truly having an ongoing negative impact on him and his peers.

Would I have felt better had I seen appropriate parental intervention, yes. I would have felt like my son saw a parent behaving like a parent, and would have felt better about the lesson that he took away from the day. Do I want to see those other boys hurt or spanked or made to suffer, absolutely not. But yes, I would feel better knowing that my son was in a safe environment, where a child who grabs from him or pushes him would not then get keep what he took while my son dealt with with feeling hurt and not understanding why others will not share with him when he is perfectly willing to share with them. It broke my heart to see my 2 year old trying so hard to share, and to then be grabbed from, pushed, and have no appropriate parental intervention from the other parent. What is he learning from that? I think my concern about this does not show that I am some ogre who is concerned about those other boys getting a negative consequence, but that I am a concerned, loving mom who wants her child to continue to find sharing a positive experience.

I actually do think that appropriate, loving consequences change long term behavior, because I can see it in my own life. I am hypoglycemic, and if I do not eat appropriately, the consequence is being shaky, tearful, etc. I have learned to care for my body by eating an appropriate ammout of protein. My child can see consequences of his behavior. When he shares with others, they react positively, they have more fun. But what if there is a positive consequence for negative behavior? What if he learned that he could push others and play with what he wants? That is certainly easier then sharing. So, I believe it is my job as a parent to show him that there will not be positive consequences for that kind of behavior. That he won't get to play with the toy he grabs, or is the behavior continues, he won't get to stay at playgroup that day. And in turn, I also need to show him that there are positive consequences for using his words, asking to share, or sharing his toys in turn. But how do I teach him that if the result of his sharing a toy is that it still gets grabbed, he gets pushed, and the other child keeps it? Because these other moms would not take appropriate action, what I was teaching my son in a positive way was totally undermined.


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 

I do think what a lot of parents call gentle discipline is really a parent who either CAN'T control their child, or can't bear to see him or her unhappy.

This has also been my experience. While toyjacking is a pretty harsh term, I agree with your sentiment. There is a difference between gentle discipline and no discipline, and there is a difference between unconditional parenting and irresponsible parenting. Sometimes, parents think they are being loving by making sure their child is never upset or always gets what he/she wants. However, to me, that is ultimately just as unloving and abusive as the other extreme. When we base our decisions about parenting on a desire to keep our child from ever feeling upset, we really are doing it for ourselves because we are uncomfortable with those upset feelings.


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## kylesmama (Apr 25, 2005)

:

we're dealing with this too at our playgroup...just want to see everyone's input - it's hard to know when to step in & say something or when to let my ds deal with the other kids on his own...


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

This has been happening too with us, though not at a playgroup, just at the playground. DD, who is 18 months, is often the youngest toddler there, and so virtually every time we are at the playground some kid gets rough with her, either intentionally, or by accident (usually with the other parent not supervising). Take today, there were two little boys (about 4 yo) climbing up the slide and then sliding down. Fine, I dont care if they do that, but there were other children wanting to slide. At that point, I expect a parent to intervene, say something like "Joey, there are other kids waiting to slide. Use the steps to go up, and then slide down the slide. When there are no other children wanting to slide, you can climb up the slide if you want." But when mama is chatting away on her cell phone, or reading a book, and not paying attention, I just take it upon myself to say something. Today, this particular little boy cut dd off 3 times in a row, as she was trying to slide. He would run up the slide, sit right in front of her, and repeat. She was getting frustrated, so I said "See how she is waiting for a turn? Please slide down and then let her slide" He slid down, and proceeded to climb back up. I repeated my statement "Look at her waiting for a turn. Please let her go down after you." He slid down, and climbed back up. At this point my mama bear instinct as kicking in and I said "You need to get off the slide now. When she is done, you can climb back on the slide." At which point his mother FINALLY did something. She said "Joey, stop being mean. Be nice. Get off the slide."







: DD then slid down the slide, and he proceeded to kick her in the head, as he climbed up the slide again. I comforted dd, she was actually fine, but I wanted to make sure. Then I said to the boy, "You kicked her in the head. You need to be careful around the little ones." He of course ignored me. So I took dd elsewhere. I try to judge from her actions what to do. If someone takes a toy, but she moves on to something else easily, I let it go. If someone says "You can't play with us" And she goes to something else, I let it go (I realize she doesn't understand much yet) If she puts up a fight for the toy, or continues to follow said kid around, I will intervene if the parents are not. I will always be gentle, speaking how I speak to my dd. However, I do not let her get hurt, either emotionally or physically. But, I do let alot go. I know someday, she will be the one who is bigger, and I'll need to be extra vigilent about reminding her to be gentle. And she will encounter all sorts of people, so I want her to (eventually) be able to speak up for herself and be assertive. I do model the words she can say, since she isn't really talking. IE, I'll say "DD, you had that toy, and so-and-so took it from you. You dont like that. You want to toy back. So-and-so, please give that toy back to dd, and when she is done, you may have a turn. In the meantime, how about playing with this?" If that doesn't work, I 5-step the kid. (step 1)"So-and-so, you need to give that toy back to dd. (step 2)Do you need my help? (give some time to answer) (if they dont give it back...) (step 3)Ok, I see you need my help. I am going to count to 3 and on three we'll give it back together.(step 4) 1, 2, 3! (step 5)(Gently take the toy and give it back to dd) (quickly, distract/redirect) Here, why dont you go down the slide/dig in the sand/ect."
So, I guess that what I am trying to say is that while I do let most things slide, I will intervene if dd is having a hard time, gets hurt, or is asking for help. I try to locate a parent, but most times, they weren't paying attention anyway, that's why the incedent happened in the first place. HTH


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

Thanks - that 5 step idea was really helpful! Sometimes, unfortunately, we have to step in and parent other people's kids for the safety and well being of our own. It is also helpful to hear when you let things slide.


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## LuckyMommaToo (Aug 14, 2003)

I think it's particularly tough when you don't know the other mommas. In our group, here's what we do (this is similar to what mommy2abigail describes). Let's say there are two kids, A and B. A snatches B's toy. B is upset. I would say, "B, you're upset. You need to tell A. Tell A that you were playing with that, and he can have a turn when you're done." If B won't surrender the toy, we help retrieve it in the way mommy2abigail describes.

So we're trying to encourage the little ones to stand up for themselves, but if they're unable to do it, we do it for them. Same applies to rough play ("Don't push me!"). This is how DS's preschool handles things, and luckily all of our playgroup moms have adopted it as well.

Sometimes my momma bear instinct really comes out and I have to calm down and see how DS is reacting. Oftentimes he isn't nearly as upset as I am (not saying this is the case with you, OP, just speaking about myself), but it's hard for me to let go of the injustice.

Anyway, good luck.
-Erin


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

On letting it slide: I assume when you say "taking a toy" you mean grabbing it out of the child's hands or something like that, right? Because I am not sure what to do in this situation. Let's say DS grabs a book from DD's hands, a little roughly, not exactly nicely, but DD lets him do it and just picks up another book. Should I say something to DS about asking her for a turn with the book instead of just taking it away from her? I do (well, usually) because he is my DS. I probably wouldn't say anything to a DC that was not my own, unless the grabbing was particularly grievous. But is it OK for a DC to suffer an injustice, even if they don't mind? (Does that make sense?)


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Yes, I believe it's ok for dc to suffer some injustices, if they let it go, as you describe your dd doing. I would at some neutral time though, take dd aside and say "I noticed that your brother/friend/ect. is taking things from you alot lately. Would you like some words you can say to stop that from happening next time?" And then give appropriate words. Then it's up to her discretion when to be more or less assertive. The little ones will eventually get frustrated enough to do or say something,so when they do, its good for them to have the words to say to the offender. But yeah, I dont think theres anything wrong with letting the older one take stuff, so long as the other child is ok with it. When the little one does get upset, I'd remind them about the words to use, and I'd also take that opportunity (or wait a few minutes till things calm down) to talk to the older one about respecting ones feelings, and remind them not to snatch a toy out of someone elses hands. I would also teach the 'trade' rule. If you want a toy that someone else has, you need to offer up a trade. You may have to keep trying with different things until the other kid is willing to trade, or you can just wait until they are through with the toy and then have a turn. "Trading" has worked wonders in my home daycare, since it is more concrete than 'share'. Sharing is kind of arbitrary to a little kid. Taking turns is good, but sometimes the other child doesn't want to wait for the first childs turn to be over. So if that's the case, a trade can be offered. HTH


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

I dont think theres anything wrong with letting the older one take stuff, so long as the other child is ok with it.
Well, I think the grabber needs to be taken aside at a later time as well. "I notice you grabbing things out of Bobby's hands. I'd like to give you some words to use instead of grabbing."

Most kids seem to understand by 5 or 6. It's just nicer to have people ask you for something rather than snatching it out of your hands. If you teach that consistently, most will get it (most of the time!).

IMO this isn't an issue people necessarily outgrow without teaching. Taking without asking is a very unpleasant habit I've seen in teens and adults.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
But yeah, I dont think theres anything wrong with letting the older one take stuff, so long as the other child is ok with it.


The only problem with that is some kids are natually "easy going".

I have been working with kids almost my whole adult life, I have seen these kids after they are grown. The kids who do the taking are fine, strong adults.

But, the kids who allowed the taking are the ones who as adults are still being taken advantage of. I know some of this is in their temperment. But the adults need to say to everybody that this child deserves to keep the toy they were holding. If adults never say he/she deserves to be treated better, then who will? Because they wont.

I am not saying that someone who allowed kids to snatch toys away from them will grow up to have low self esteem. There are a lot of factors involved in self esteem. But, I think those kids need to be told it's O.K not to give them what they want. It is O.K to say "no".

I was an easy kid. My brother was a pill. He took what he wanted from me, or tormented me endlessly, and I just tolerated it. But I wish someone would have told him to stop. They wanted us to "work it out" on our own but I wasn't strong enough to hold my own, so I gave up instantly. It wasn't fair. I would have loved it if someone would have defended me.


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

What do you think about intervening yourself on your own dc's behalf?

I don't hesitate to do this, and in fact don't even wait for or care much what the other parent's response is. If a child bullies mine (and I consider pushing and taking her toy away to be bullying), I step in immediately.

I consider my response to be gentle, although that's a term always up to interpretation. Generally I'll physically put myself between the child and dd and say to the child something like "Oh no! We don't push and we don't take other toys away from our friends!" Then I turn all of my attention to dd, cuddle and comfort her and discuss the situation with her in a loud enough tone that I know the other child is overhearing our words.

I find that kids respond very well to a firm, gentle parental figure, whether it happens to be their own parent or not. I've never had any negative experiences in such a case, but have always had the child stop, listen to me, and usually make some sort of attempt to make amends. I've also never had the other parent be anything other than helpful and conciliatory, although I know the world's full of all kinds.


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

All of these responses have been so helpful. Thank you so much. I had a conversation with one of the moms involved, and we agreed that we needed to set some ground rules and expectations for our play group, and she admitted that she has been less vigilant than she needs to be, especially in a mixed age group. Perhaps the most helpful part of this has been a realization that I need to teach my son to stick up for himself, not in a cruel way, but that he can say no, use his words, etc. Today we listened to a fun folk song together off of a Putamayo kids CD called "Don't you push me down" Then we practiced saying it, and talked about when another child pushes us, we can use those words: don't push me down, I don't like it. We also talked about not pushing or shoving other children.


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## Dechen (Apr 3, 2004)

How is having a parent stop and pay attention a "reward" for bad behavior? Kids who are little and having trouble navigating their social worlds NEED parental involvement. A reward is "hey Johnny, nice job shoving Bob. Have a cookie!"

While I have to say that I'm a believer in making sure a snatched toy gets back to the original player, I think it's a bit wierd to make such a huge deal of pushing and grabbing.

Pushing and grabbing is normal. It is something to watch for, and something to correct, but not something to get worked up over. It isn't violence, it isn't injustice. Its little kids and poor impulse control. Intervene, but do so graciously and with compassion for the offender. Most kids end up on both sides of the fence sooner or later.

With easy going children, I prefer to still get the toy back into their hands, and guide the offender through the process of _asking_ for the item in question. (Assuming the kids have the verbal skills to do so). Most of the time the easy going child will share, but this way it is a CHOICE. The easy going child is empowered rather than disempowered. And if he or she says no, the answer is no.

It *is* hard to socialize with other families who handle these kinds of interactions differently than you do. Hopefully the OP can work out an agreement with the other moms.


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dechen* 
How is having a parent stop and pay attention a "reward" for bad behavior? Kids who are little and having trouble navigating their social worlds NEED parental involvement. A reward is "hey Johnny, nice job shoving Bob. Have a cookie!"

Oh, don't get me wrong. I completely agree. My problem is that the parental involvement didn't involve any real attempt to correct their behavior of shoving and snatching. It was more like "oh, something is happening, I need to be there, gee now my kid is upset so I'm going to hold him and cuddle him while he plays with this toy that he just shoved another kid to get" I have no issue with a parent lovingly working with their child to help them figure out how to use their words or share or take turns. Please don't get me wrong. Looking back at my original post, I can see how you could take what I said that way, though.


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## mamameg (Feb 10, 2004)

I also think that the parent's experience and confidence has a lot to do with the way these situations go. A first time parent, dealing with their toddler, might simply not know the best way to proceed, so they make themselves present when they see a conflict, but are unsure how to handle it, so they sort of just observe and make sure no one gets totally clobbered. This is something I notice in my playgroup - the uncertainty of the parent - so I try to be vocal about how I am gently guiding my DD. I can only hope others are paying attention and learning that they need to do more than just be there.


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

I have felt a lot of the same feelings about not wanting my dd to get pushed around (literally and figuratively.) There are 2 kids that we see regularly who push and grab a lot. Their moms are my friends and often are not paying attention. When they are paying attention they don't talk to their kids about why the pushing or grabbing hurts the other child and they don't help them to give the toy back. One mom usually makes up an excuse about why her dd needed that toy or defends her by saying that it's her special new toy or something of that nature. It really bugs me! If we're at her house and it's a special toy that she can't share, then I think it should be put away during play group. I don't really know how to talk with her about this. We've discussed my concerns for dd's safety when her dd lashes out, but even though her dd has gotten less violent (no more tackling or biting) she still grabs. It's hard because I don't want my dd to see this behavior as acceptable.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamameg* 
I also think that the parent's experience and confidence has a lot to do with the way these situations go. A first time parent, dealing with their toddler, might simply not know the best way to proceed, so they make themselves present when they see a conflict, but are unsure how to handle it, so they sort of just observe and make sure no one gets totally clobbered. This is something I notice in my playgroup - the uncertainty of the parent - so I try to be vocal about how I am gently guiding my DD. I can only hope others are paying attention and learning that they need to do more than just be there.


ITA! I know that when my daughter was that small, even though I had YEARS of experience with other people's kids, it was drastically different with my own. I only had one, but I know that with two or more, I would have handled things differently.

It is hard to know exactly what to do when it is new to you. It is sometimes hard when you know that if you step in on the other child's behalf that YOUR child is going to cause a scene. My ex HATED when my daughter made a scene. He would do nearly anything to make a quiet escape.


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ejsmama* 
Perhaps the most helpful part of this has been a realization that I need to teach my son to stick up for himself, not in a cruel way, but that he can say no, use his words, etc..

Yes, I did this with dd also.

She is physically small - about 20th percentile for weight in her age group - and also just very gentle minded. She was pretty easy prey for aggressive kids to ride roughshod over her.

We did pretend play with her dolls which seemed to help her role play and incorporate ideas about how to react to situations. For example, her lion would bite my duck. So I'd say "Stop that! Don't bite me. Biting hurts! If you do that again I'm going to tell mama or teacher." Of course the lion would bite again. Then I'd 'tell' mama, who would come over and tell lion that biting hurts and that we don't do that to our friends. I'd have lion sit off to the side for a brief interval while duck continues to have fun playing.

Then lion would come back over, and tell duck he was sorry for biting. Duck always happily says 'I forgive you!' and invites lion to play some more. It ends with the two playing together joyfully.

I'd have the roles reverse at times so it was apparent to her that anyone can fall into inappropriate behaviors at times, not just a particular character whom she favored less than the others.

The neighbor boys are sweet kids, but typical children who sometimes grab and play less nicely at times. I've seen dd a couple of times tell the older one "I don't like that! Don't push me" when he was rambunctious with her. It always catches his attention and he'll back down just as she asks. I like that she's able to do it in a way that doesn't make it into a big deal or end the play. She just stands up for herself and they keep right on going. It's nice







.


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## mamameg (Feb 10, 2004)

thanks for posting about the role playing. i like that, think i'll use it.


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## ejsmama (Jun 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessed* 
Yes, I did this with dd also.

She is physically small - about 20th percentile for weight in her age group - and also just very gentle minded. She was pretty easy prey for aggressive kids to ride roughshod over her.


Interesting - we have the opposite issue. My son is quite large for his age - larger than some 3.5 year olds, and he is only 28 months. So I think one issue is that other parents don't realize just how young he is when their kids are interacting with him, and assume he has more skills to stick up for himself than he has. The mom whose son pushed and grabbed from my son was really surprised that he was only 2 (partly because he was sharing so well - proud moment for me as a mama)


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