# other moms who spank their kids & advocate for it...



## jewelsJZ (Jan 10, 2008)

Where do I start? All I can think is what the....????!!!!















I've had two experiences in as many days in casual conversation with other moms who advocate spanking their kids. And....you won't effing believe this, but one of them was telling another mom to do this to keep the child from coming to the parents bed in the middle of the night.








She has gone on and on, on more than one occasion, about how she "beats" her son's "ass", laughing while she is saying it. He's a toddler. Believe me, I will be distancing myself from her as soon as possible but currently we are working on a volunteer project together and so I do see her weekly. I just could not get my head around this.
The mom with the child who kept coming into her bed said she had taken toys away from her daughter, kept her home from her gym class, all in an effort to get her to stop coming into her bed in the middle of the night and she was at a loss as to what to do when the other mom told her to pull her pants down and spank her. Really???!!!! Your child wants to snuggle with you and it's not like she's gonna be doing that when she's in high school, so why would you want to miss this sweet opportunity to hold her while she sleeps or just sleep next to her? Not only that, you are going to PUNISH her for it?????!!!!!!!
Then today, another mom was telling me she spanks her 6 year old because she stands on the furniture. WHAT????!!!
Interestingly, both moms admitted that spanking/hitting their kids did not work! Both of these moms were subjected to even more severe corporal punishment by their own parents and both of them have distant relationships with their parents. Not sure they make this connection.
I am just feeling like this





















. Dh and I just cannot understand and feel so bad for the kids in these situations.
Just needed to vent this because it is really on my mind. I've gotta get some more g.d. friends to hang around with.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelsJZ* 
The mom with the child who kept coming into her bed said she had taken toys away from her daughter, kept her home from her gym class, all in an effort to get her to stop coming into her bed in the middle of the night and she was at a loss as to what to do when the other mom told her to pull her pants down and spank her. Really???!!!!

uke


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## hibiscus mum (Apr 6, 2009)

I had a coworker suggest that I spank DD for night waking (that was over a year ago). He said i was "rewarding her" by letting her come into our bed. I was so shocked that I couldn't even reply with something coherent.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

I just don't get this. If your spouse hit you b/c you were late with dinner or something else ridiculous it's abuse, but if you smack your kid b/c they stand on furniture or get scared in the middle of the night it's parenting? People make my head hurt.


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## ee_lime (Apr 14, 2007)

I totally know how you feel- it is hard for me to shake things
like that. I get really upset when I see kids obviously not buckled up while the car is moving.
I would atleast say something in regards to gd parenting- you never know when it will change a life. When I was pregnant with #1 a lady asked me if I would breastfeed, I explained that I never really thought about it, she said that I should because it is really good for the babies. So, because of her words, I gave it a thought and breastfed. I really don't think I would have if it weren't for her, especially because I was advised to formula feed at the hospital after he was born because he was big and needed it.


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## tanyam926 (May 25, 2005)

I am always dumbfounded when I hear things like that too op.

I really believe it all comes down to the basic fact that children are not thought of as human beings, deserving equal consideration, kindness, and understanding as adults do.

They are thought of as things to control, punish, reward, manipulate, and groom into what you want them to be.

I believe that most parenst love their children and want what is best for them but they (for whatever reason, there are so many complex issues) are unable to make the connection that how you treat a child is how they will treat others and expect to be treated as adults.

It also seems like I hear a lot of "My parents [insert any number of "parenting techniques/offenses"] and I turned out just fine!" Well, I guess if by "fine" you mean, an altogether violent, unnattached, lacking in compassion, judgemental, hurting society, then okay, that's fine, I guess. KWIM?

I have sooooo much to learn w/my kids but at the very base and core of it all I love and respect them as human beings that have been temporarily entrusted into my care. Being a parent is just hard, as is being in every other human relationship. For some reason that I still haven't figured out, it's still socially acceptable to physically hurt a child in a caregiver/child relationship, but is wholly unnacceptable and even criminal in EVERY other relationship.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

nak what dumbfounds me is when they advocate for it but at the same time show shame for it.

Their conversation goes like this: "It's good, kids need it, but of course it should only be used rarely. Just a light bop on the leg. It's not to hurt them or anything."

They never say what "it" is and they always contradict themselves. Well if "it" is supposed to work, why rarely? And how can you hit a kid "lightly" or "without causing pain"?

Someone once advised me on what to do if DD ever bit me. "You need to bite her back to show her that it hurts. Just don't really bite her. Just, you know, do it really lightly, like pretend play."

My head was spinning.


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## orangewallflower (Apr 10, 2008)

I have never been in this situation before (thank God!) but if I were, I would ask the person if they would hit a dog and if not, how can they treat their pets differently than their human child? The answer for dogs is that it messes up their personality apart from being inhumane. Why would I do this to a child?

It amazes me that there is more awareness about dogs than children, but there is.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I used to get this sometimes when dd was younger. I would bring up the fact that men used to legally be able to beat or even kill their wives, but we no longer consider that to be legal or manly. I then ask why it could possibly be good parenting to hit a person who is three feet tall with no one to go to for protection.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

"Honey its in the middle of the night let me walk you back to bed"... I mean seriously we did go through times where I knew it was overall better to gently enforce my DD sleeping in her own bed than allowing her in ours where she'd play and disturb everyone else (and yes we are and were cosleepers) but why the punishment? Parenting doesn't end at 8pm









Deanna


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## ~Katie~ (Mar 18, 2007)

I think a lot of it comes down to lazy parenting. I will get you to do what I want NOW by hitting you but I'm not going to put the time and effort into disciplining you in a respectful and thoughtful way. Positive discipline means having to learn about your child and develop an understanding of their behavior and a lot of people don't want to or don't know how to do that. They view the parent-child relationship as adversarial, something I observe all too often unfortunately.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
"Honey its in the middle of the night let me walk you back to bed"... I mean seriously we did go through times where I knew it was overall better to gently enforce my DD sleeping in her own bed than allowing her in ours where she'd play and disturb everyone else (and yes we are and were cosleepers) but why the punishment? Parenting doesn't end at 8pm









Deanna

Yeah. It's not an all-or-nothing thing. I routinely take my kids back to their own beds in the middle of the night. I won't say I'm always the soul of patience-- I frequently let my irritation creep into my tone. I ask them what's wrong, sometimes in a bit of a testy way, then solve the problem if there is a problem, and then tell them it's the middle of the night, it's time to sleep, so here, let me take you back to bed. You don't have to choose between cosleeping and beating your kids-- there is a middle ground in there, quite a wide one actually. I don't cosleep routinely past the first year of life, but that doesn't mean I have to resort to whacking my kids.

The thing that really bothers me most is the "pull the pants down" part. Spanking a kid at all is bad enough, but stripping off a child's clothing in order to spank them bare is a humiliating invasion of a child's pride, modesty, and dignity. It can have consequences that stay with kids throughout their lives, and seriously undermine their ability to have healthy, satisfying emotional and sexual relationships. I would call it sexual abuse. I really would. And I'll stand by that statement.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

The thing that really bothers me most is the "pull the pants down" part. Spanking a kid at all is bad enough, but stripping off a child's clothing in order to spank them bare is a humiliating invasion of a child's pride, modesty, and dignity. It can have consequences that stay with kids throughout their lives, and seriously undermine their ability to have healthy, satisfying emotional and sexual relationships. I would call it sexual abuse. I really would. And I'll stand by that statement.
I agree I cringe and am saddened when I hear about or witness or even recall my own child hood of being spanked over clothes it was humiliting and unecessary enough but I've also BTDT as a parent and know how deep generations of that sort of punishment can run and how it can be a quick non thinking spur of the moment gut reaction. But adding in removal of clothes I fail to see where some part of the brain doesn't think this is TOO far. And as a sexual abuse (not related to punishment) surivor I can say with confidence violating personal space IS a huge deal.









Deanna


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

I was at a superbowl party with a bunch of people I didn't know and the only other young mother there had one child my child's age(2) and then a baby. The party was huge and at one point, in front of quite a large crowd, completely unsolicited, she came into the kitchen and interjected that if her 2yo did anything "bad" then she totally advocates spanking and anyone of us was totally within reason to administer!







WHAT???? Total strangers supposed to spank your kid???!?
And the kicker was that she was a breastfeeding mom, a baby-wearing mom?!
It made my head spin and I didn't know what to say but I won't soon forget it!
Some people are just twisted in the head!


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Honey693* 
I just don't get this. If your spouse hit you b/c you were late with dinner or something else ridiculous it's abuse, but if you smack your kid b/c they stand on furniture or get scared in the middle of the night it's parenting? People make my head hurt.

*THIS.*

I don't think that spousal hitting is appropriate, either, why would it be appropriate to hit a child? Especially all the "rule of thumb" craziness about it like if you don't leave bruises, it's not child abuse, or whatever the laws are.

Luckily mine is still too young for people to tell me to hit her, but I imagine my response to that would not be pretty.


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## *MamaJen* (Apr 24, 2007)

Did you say something? I would say something. I would say it calmly and use I statements -- like, I would never hit my child because x y and z. But I would speak up.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

And the kicker was that she was a breastfeeding mom, a baby-wearing mom?!
It made my head spin and I didn't know what to say but I won't soon forget it!
Some people are just twisted in the head!
One of the first "AP" mamas I ever knew breastfed and extended home birth home schooled baby wearing cosleeping no vaxing organic promoting ect quiverful family also was a HUGE trip fan and openly talked about spanking for change of heart.







. I naturally fall kinda in the middle I extend breastfeed but evenuntually also add bottles and formula to the picture, I do some immuzation we cosleep when best but also encourage independent sleep pretty early (but no CIO) I baby wear but LOVE my stroller enjoy making healthy food choices but am not anti occasional FF and microwave meals ect... I discipline as needed and hold my child to fairly firm and high standards... Yet I make cautious choices not to spank or use punitive measures. sometimes I fail yes but the effort is there and success is more and more.

Deanna


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## ein328 (Jan 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1101* 
*THIS.*

I don't think that spousal hitting is appropriate, either, why would it be appropriate to hit a child? Especially all the "rule of thumb" craziness about it like if you don't leave bruises, it's not child abuse, or whatever the laws are.

Luckily mine is still too young for people to tell me to hit her, but I imagine my response to that would not be pretty.

Actually, according to some people, 10 months is not too young. I had friends over the other night for dinner, and they have a 12-month-old. She kept sticking her hands in our dog's water bowl, and they kept telling her "no." The third time, the mom (who, by the way, is a breastfeeding, babywearing, etc. etc. mom) walks into my kitchen, calmly grabs a wooden spoon, and smacks her daughter's hands. I WAS HORRIFIED! I could not contain myself. This from a mama I thought I had so much in common with! When I tried to talk to her about it, she told me they had started spanking when she was 10 month's old and "knew what 'no' meant." I am sick to my stomach just writing this.


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

It's taken me awhile.. but I've found the most effective thing is to not judge to their face their spanking, but suggest other GD methods. Example (not the best, I'll admit)...

So... coming to the bed... I'd say, "Oh really? You know, DD was doing that for awhile when she was two... and we realized that it was just normal being scared of the dark. We let her pick out a new Dora nightlight and it's been great. Of course, I don't care if she comes to us if she's really scared... cause that's what we're there for...but the Dora nightlight really helped."

Jumping on the furniture (6 year old)... "Oh, whenever DS1 does that, I know it means we haven't had enough time outside. Usually I'll send him into the backyard or organize some relay races with his brother."


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## _ktg_ (Jul 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ein328* 
Actually, according to some people, 10 months is not too young. I had friends over the other night for dinner, and they have a 12-month-old. She kept sticking her hands in our dog's water bowl, and they kept telling her "no." The third time, the mom (who, by the way, is a breastfeeding, babywearing, etc. etc. mom) walks into my kitchen, calmly grabs a wooden spoon, and smacks her daughter's hands. I WAS HORRIFIED! I could not contain myself. This from a mama I thought I had so much in common with! *When I tried to talk to her about it, she told me they had started spanking when she was 10 month's old and "knew what 'no' meant." I am sick to my stomach just writing this*.

oh. my. uke

i just want to cry my eyes out for that l.o.


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## jempd (Feb 27, 2002)

Octobermom, you sound very much like me. What is a "trip fan"?

With something like this, I always wish that I had responded calmly, stating facts about how useless and in fact harmful spanking is. I always feel confident if I'm able to cite a recent study, or from a certain author or parenting expert. You know, something like " x study showed that children who are hit are 10 x more likely to drop out of school" . . . Of course, you could just start something of a pointless back-and-forth as there is that prevailing view that children who are NOT hit wind up being spoiled and selfish. But the current research really does show that it backfires in a big way. I know for me it sure would have been satisfying to respond with, "Poor kid! Of all things, what an awful thing to be spanked for."

I agree with the statement that it really is lazy. It's easy, whereas redirecting, comforting, teaching, all of that takes effort. And I wholeheartedly agree about the pulling down the pants--yeah, that's a good idea, add a dollop of humiliation to the pain.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

What is a "trip fan"
ted trip Sheparding your childs heart.. http://www.amazon.com/Shepherding-Ch.../dp/0966378601

Deanna


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## jewelsJZ (Jan 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **MamaJen** 
Did you say something? I would say something. I would say it calmly and use I statements -- like, I would never hit my child because x y and z. But I would speak up.

I did. I asked her (the mother who advocated spanking for not staying in the bed) if spanking worked to change her childrens' behaviour. She said "No, they keep doing it, it's so frustrating." Then when she was talking about how her mother beat her with a switch as a child, over and over, for the same things, I pointed out that it didn't work for her either. She agreed.

I wish I'd said more. I'll probably get another opportunity.

Oh, and this is a breastfeeding, baby wearing mom.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

I have not made much leeway against the spanking culture by comparing it to other forms of abuse. I just get hit down with "kids needs to be spanked b/c they don't know right from wrong. You don't hit your spouse b/c he should already know what is right or wrong."

Trust me, I know it's BS.







I'm just feeling stuck b/c the analogies are not stimulating any higher brain processing.


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *claddaghmom* 
"kids needs to be spanked b/c they don't know right from wrong. You don't hit your spouse b/c he should already know what is right or wrong."

"but spanking doesn't teach right from wrong. It teaches that if someone does something that upsets you, you should hit them. Unless you think that's the right way to respond to people?"

I have heard a couple comments (from before I had kids, but I still felt the same way) that "well I didn't want to spank, but it's the only thing that worked on her." And I said at the time something like "well that's like a guy saying, well my wife always argued with me and nagged me about every little thing, until I started punching her in the mouth every time she said something I didn't like. I didn't WANT to punch her in the mouth, but nothing else worked."


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tanyam926* 
I am always dumbfounded when I hear things like that too op.

I really believe it all comes down to the basic fact that children are not thought of as human beings, deserving equal consideration, kindness, and understanding as adults do.

They are thought of as things to control, punish, reward, manipulate, and groom into what you want them to be.

I believe that most parenst love their children and want what is best for them but they (for whatever reason, there are so many complex issues) are unable to make the connection that how you treat a child is how they will treat others and expect to be treated as adults.

It also seems like I hear a lot of "My parents [insert any number of "parenting techniques/offenses"] and I turned out just fine!" Well, I guess if by "fine" you mean, an altogether violent, unnattached, lacking in compassion, judgemental, hurting society, then okay, that's fine, I guess. KWIM?

I have sooooo much to learn w/my kids but at the very base and core of it all I love and respect them as human beings that have been temporarily entrusted into my care. Being a parent is just hard, as is being in every other human relationship. For some reason that I still haven't figured out, it's still socially acceptable to physically hurt a child in a caregiver/child relationship, but is wholly unnacceptable and even criminal in EVERY other relationship.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

Another thing I don't get about spanking is people say if you're going to do it, don't do it in anger...wait until you calm down and do it later so you don't hit them too hard. Umm...if you are doing something where there is a risk you could "do it too hard" why are you doing it at all? And if you're going to come back after you have cooled down why can't you use that time to come up with a better idea than hitting your kid???


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dr.Worm* 
Another thing I don't get about spanking is people say if you're going to do it, don't do it in anger...wait until you calm down and do it later so you don't hit them too hard. Umm...if you are doing something where there is a risk you could "do it too hard" why are you doing it at all? And if you're going to come back after you have cooled down why can't you use that time to come up with a better idea than hitting your kid???









Yeah. Spanking in the heat of the moment is bad enough. But to go away, and calm down, and think it through, and still make a cold-blooded decision to go ahead and hit a kid-- that's just malicious.


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

I get sick of other people telling me that "it's the only way they'll learn." I have a huge problem with my MIL with this. Slapping fingers and hands..it irks me to no end. I had an issue with Dh last night. It was a rather unpleasant altercation and he went to sleep without telling me good night but I don't care. "It's the only way they will learn" bull-shit line really





















me off. You. Don't.Hit. Children.


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## nsmomtobe (Aug 22, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
Yeah. Spanking in the heat of the moment is bad enough. But to go away, and calm down, and think it through, and still make a cold-blooded decision to go ahead and hit a kid-- that's just malicious.

Not to mention if you wait too long in between, how is the child going to make the association between the behaviour and the spanking?


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
Yeah. Spanking in the heat of the moment is bad enough. But to go away, and calm down, and think it through, and still make a cold-blooded decision to go ahead and hit a kid-- that's just malicious.

I could accept and even have some degree of remorse and "guilt" with my own actions and decessions when my parents lashed out in some degree of anger. Obviously not sooo over the top but when there was a degree of worry and anger behind there force.. However if they said something like tonight your getting spanked had time to calm down think about things (tease me about it) that just angered me and it felt ultra icky. BTW I did not grow up in a highly abusive or punitive home spankings in our home were rare and probably what most pro spankers would call good and healthy. They still had deep negitive impact and I choose diffrent even if I happen to save on therapy costs and now have a VERY strong relationship with my parents.

Deanna


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I'm just speechless. Hitting a child for being scared at night. Wow.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

When I had my first child I was 16. Had never been exposed to any alternative parenting methods. Only read the "mainstream" parenting books. Only had people around me who told me to "teach my kid who was boss or else" etc. etc. My mother was not abusive towards us but believed spanking was a valid parenting tool (and loves to tell how she broke us of biting by biting us back).

I can remember when my baby was around 10-11 months old, he would constantly crawl toward fans and try to stick his fingers in them. Everywhere we went, he tried to stick his fingers in fans. I tried redirecting, I tried putting fans up, I tried holding him constantly, I tried everything I could think of to keep him away. Finally one day out of complete frustration I gave in and did what everyone was telling me to do. I smacked his fingers when he did it. Not hard, just a light tap. He looked at me in surprise and then laughed and smacked my fingers right back. That there taught me a HUGE lesson. My smacking/spanking/biting my child was just going to teach him to smack/spank/bite. Not what I want him to do.

Around me, spanking is so common. It is considered a basic parenting tool. VERY few people question it. When I see parents around me doing it or threatening it, I try to gently work with them through what they are trying to accomplish and how hitting their child may not be the best way to accomplish that. I give them nuggets of information that might be valid to them (like the AAP strongly recommends against striking a child for any reason) and we brainstorm ideas. If they seem receptive, I try to point them towards more "alternative" books or websites so that they can see how others see parenting. Some people truly don't know any other way.

I do avoid people who have thought it through and do it maliciously or do it out of pure laziness.


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eclipse95* 
Around me, spanking is so common. It is considered a basic parenting tool. VERY few people question it. When I see parents around me doing it or threatening it, I try to gently work with them through what they are trying to accomplish and how hitting their child may not be the best way to accomplish that. I give them nuggets of information that might be valid to them (like the AAP strongly recommends against striking a child for any reason) and we brainstorm ideas. If they seem receptive, I try to point them towards more "alternative" books or websites so that they can see how others see parenting. Some people truly don't know any other way.

This has been my experience as well. I have a 12.5 month old biter, and even my mother says, "well some people would suggest you bite her back...." Like she _knows_ its wrong but still feels compelled to say it for some reason. So I try to be gentle in my approach to others as well--explaining to DD that she should not bite mama because mama doesn't bite her; explaining that we don't hit people that we love, etc. And if anyone asks, I explain that in my house we parent/lead by example, and that you have to show respect to get it. Even towards little people.


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## K-Mom3 (Apr 27, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelsJZ* 
I did. I asked her (the mother who advocated spanking for not staying in the bed) if spanking worked to change her childrens' behaviour. She said "No, they keep doing it, it's so frustrating." Then when she was talking about how her mother beat her with a switch as a child, over and over, for the same things, I pointed out that it didn't work for her either. She agreed.

So ridiculous, to keep on doing it even though it doesn't work.

I think it is because they don't know what else to do. I've found that in moments of stress, I'm most likely to go back to my parents' parenting methods.

I think that it takes a lot of practice to get your brain to handle the situation a different way! I can get myself to go through all the practice...but I haven't figured out how to convince someone else to do it! Even if they realize that what they are doing doesn't work.


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## rivkah (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
One of the first "AP" mamas I ever knew breastfed and extended home birth home schooled baby wearing cosleeping no vaxing organic promoting ect quiverful family also was a HUGE trip fan and openly talked about spanking for change of heart.







. I naturally fall kinda in the middle I extend breastfeed but evenuntually also add bottles and formula to the picture, I do some immuzation we cosleep when best but also encourage independent sleep pretty early (but no CIO) I baby wear but LOVE my stroller enjoy making healthy food choices but am not anti occasional FF and microwave meals ect... I discipline as needed and hold my child to fairly firm and high standards... Yet I make cautious choices not to spank or use punitive measures. sometimes I fail yes but the effort is there and success is more and more.

Deanna

This is why you can never assume that just because people BF or homeschool that they don't also spank (yes I know, extreme example!):

http://www.newsreview.com/chico/content?oid=1373000

I am particularly disgusted by books that try to guilt parents into thinking that beatings are biblical or somehow the only way to raise godly children.


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## jezebelle (Feb 18, 2010)

I know this is not exactly on topic, but I just wanted to tell all of you ladies how thankful I am to have found this message board. I am pregnant with my first child, and about six months ago I lost several friends after finally expressing that I don't approve of striking a child for any reason. My best friend at the time was so vehemently pro-spanking that, after I said I think it is wrong to spank, she told me I owed her an apology for making her feel like a child abuser. It was a very difficult time for me, and I looked for online support groups for other methods...unfortunately, I didn't know the phrase "gentle discipline," and I came up with very little.

Just reading through this thread, and seeing other people saying things I have thought so many times, it makes me tear up (well, I'm sure the pregnancy hormones help







). It's going to be a rough road for my husband and I, trying to make his family and the others in our life here in the deep south understand that spanking will not be tolerated in our home or to our children, and I am sure that this board will provide a pillar of strength while we try to.


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## elissamay31 (Feb 27, 2010)

I agree esp. with the pulling down your pants part. It is much more effective to think out a logical approach to discipline. I have swatted my child's hand at times when they were younger, but never in anger. But it is something that I regret now.

My parents spanked me, and all I have is negative feelings from that. I want more and better memories for my kids.


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## elissamay31 (Feb 27, 2010)

very good point. My parents always spanked me. My Dad esp. (with a belt) When I had my kids it was easy for me to fall into this bad parenting style. I very rarely spanked my 2 boys, but had not learned better alternatives....(no excuse!!). Although the spankings were rare and I did not use a belt, made sure I was never angry,never humiliated them in public, etc. etc. I always felt terrible about it after.

My kids are 5 now, and I am long "done" with the spanking idea. I don't care what I have to do, other options are better than smacking your child. Find another way!!

I really agree with the idea of sharing discipline technique ideas in the spirit of sharing rather than accusing all parents who spank of abuse. I never physically hurt my children (bruises, etc.) but I am sure they were hurt psycologically....and that is just as bad if not worse. In my somewhat lame defense I can only say I was doing my best with the tools that I had at the time. (the only friends I had who did not spank, also just did not discipline consistantly at all and their kids were very spoiled and ran wild all the time) so I had no other experience to guide me. I would have loved someone to teach me some more GD options!

living and learning.....


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ein328* 
Actually, according to some people, 10 months is not too young. I had friends over the other night for dinner, and they have a 12-month-old. She kept sticking her hands in our dog's water bowl, and they kept telling her "no." The third time, the mom (who, by the way, is a breastfeeding, babywearing, etc. etc. mom) walks into my kitchen, calmly grabs a wooden spoon, and smacks her daughter's hands. I WAS HORRIFIED! I could not contain myself. This from a mama I thought I had so much in common with! When I tried to talk to her about it, she told me they had started spanking when she was 10 month's old and "knew what 'no' meant." I am sick to my stomach just writing this.

Wow. If that were me and I was in the right frame of mind, several possibilities would happen. I'd grab the spoon and say, "we don't do that







in this house" or something like grab the spoon and whack the mom. I know at least that would be my instinct, or the script in my mind.

But what I'd probably really do, is pick up said child and find her something else to play with. Maybe something having to do with water. But seriously, I'd still at the very least have yanked the spoon out of her hand and said, "this is for cooking, not hitting."

Wow, I'm so sorry for all those kids whose parents think they "have to "hit them. Man, I know there are times when I feel that urge, but that doesn't mean I should nor does it make it right.

I agree it comes down to seeing a kid as a real person. I feel so sorry for so many kids in the world. It overwhelms me to think on it.


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## kindergirl77 (Jun 30, 2005)

Over at the Gentle Christian Mothers website we are discussing the case of Lydia Shatz, the 7 year old who died last month due to being spanked over and over with plastic plumbing supply line- a 'discipline' method of the Pearls. Its beyond horrifying and disgusting that these people use the bible to condone such abuse. http://www.chicoer.com/advertise/ci_14468067


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