# 10 month tantrums? Discipline?



## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

I've always heard of the terrible twos but how about 10 months?? Dd will sometimes stiffen her body or jerk her legs up and down if she gets really mad.







Am I in for it later? This usually happens if A. she's really tired and easily frustrated or B. you interrupt something she was very intent on doing to do something else... like change her diaper.
OOhh, the diaper changing has been getting ugly. She wants to roll over in the middle of the process to try and escape from the changing table. I tell her "no rolling" and she tries again. I have to finish putting the diaper on but I can't while she's doing the alligator death roll so I say "no" again and she cries and then I feel like I'm just being mean. Its like a power struggle. I don't want to have power struggles but its dangerous for her to roll and she needs the diaper so I let her scream while I finish up. Plus I have to admit that it irritates me that she's so worked up about laying still for two minutes and that I've said "no" 55 times and "unrolled" her and she STILL persists.







: So how can you effectively discipline a 10 month old? Is it possible. Do you have suggestions for another way??
Thanks.


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## Laurel (Jan 30, 2002)

I can really relate. Diaper changes started getting increasingly more tense for us around 9-10 months. My ds is very active, and did the rolling thing too. It was definitely becoming a power struggle, which I didn't want. I finally decided that the last thing I want to do is make a discipline issue of it. So, we have some pretty creative diaper changing sessions. I've found the the less time on the changing table, the better, so if it's only a wet diaper, I'll remove it while he's standing up playing. I only make him lie down to put the new one on. We try all kinds of creative distractions while he's lying down. I've found the he likes to hold books. Any object that he seems to be interested in gets to be held during changes. I try to go at his pace, rather than insisting that things get done quickly. Sometimes we do things in shifts. Diaper off, then let him run around naked for a few minutes, then catch him long enough to put a diaper on, then let him go play and follow up with a cover after awhile when he'll let me get to him for a minute. I'm finding that he's starting to grow out of the hating-diaper phase now. We're having more and more times where he'll lay still longer. It's relieving to me to realize that it really was just a stage, and it makes me glad that I tried to work with ds instead of against him on it.


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## jen and her girls (May 22, 2003)

and it will get worse before it gets better. She is at an age where she is really developing some independence. She wants to do what she wants to do, and doesn't necessarily like being overruled by mom for silly things like diaper changes.

I don't know if these are discipline issues at this stage, more of a choose your battles issue. If something is super important, you have to win - meaning, you can't just let her sit around in a poopy diaper because she doesn't want to be changed. My best advice is to find something to distract her while you change her. Give her car keys, give her a sucker (you wouldn't believe how still that will keep them), have a toy that you only let her play with while she gets her diaper changed, etc. However if she is enjoying an activity and doesn't seem to want to stop, then don't make her unless it's necessary.

Other than that, it's actually a good thing that she is independent and determined. They may not seem like good qualities now, but they will be great assets as she gets older.

And yes, ages 2 and 3 will probably have you pulling your hair out.


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## *Lisa* (Dec 19, 2002)

I'm having some of the same diaper changing issues with my 10 month old.... She's now interested in body parts, and I can often distract her enough with that to get a quick change in (so I do things like ask--where's your tongue? she stops squirming momentarily and sticks out her tongue). This doesn't always work, but between that and giving her some toys to hold I can often avoid a very unhappy baby.


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## Jish (Dec 12, 2001)

I'm going to move this to the Gentle Discipline forum.


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## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

at 16 mos ds is FINALLY letting me change his diaper again...not to scare you but you might be in for a long struggle. i had to change diapers on the floor, with my leg draped gently over his body to stop him from rolling , also to stop him from grabbing poop . a changing table wouldnt have been an option, even if we were still using it. he is very strong, and very wiggly.

i found its pretty pointless to try to discipline him about it. i would beg, plead, try to distract, try to tickle, etc etc, and nothing worked. just the leg . (sadly, elmo works too.) then spontaneously he lets me now, with an occasional battle, but i ignore the crying now and just go into automatic "leg" mode, LOL. i talk to him nicely while he cries, so he knows i am not mad at him for thrashing around. i figure its sinking in even though he is still upset. if i dont have the energy to talk to him about it , i just silently change him and keep my vibe gentle as possible. i dont want him to have neg. associations w/ diaper changes if i can help it.

as for tantrums, i really felt bad when ds did it at first, like i should control them, or respond somehow, but really i came to a realization that its ok for him to throw a tantrum. if its over something i cant give him, like a knife , then i say " i know it makes you sad, but you cant have the knife" . then i let him freak out and when he feels more calm i hold /comfort him. hes the type who doesnt want to be held when mad, so thats how we work tantrums around here. your dd may be different but i just wanted to offer you my thoughts on it....


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## Liz (Mar 8, 2002)

My ds has gone through a couple of bad diapering phases. I agree with all the above posters with one addition. Get somebody else to do it. My ds would never pull this stuff on my dh so after a month or two (or however long I could get dh to do it







) ds would be fine with me too.

ds wants to do some smilies:















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## steph (Dec 5, 2001)

when dd was that age we had diaper struggles too.... you just get used to diapering in motion









regarding the tantrums, there's a great book called tears and tantrums (i hope i got that right) that's very interesting...basically she says that tantrums are a nornal release that should not be stiffeled, but allow them to process it while giving them loving attention (in other words, be there for them so they feel supported in their feelings/frustrations). when i can get time to look up the authors name, i'll come back and tell you. this kind of approach was in a fairly recent Mothering article too - from maybe 4 months ago or so....

it does get better - albeit slowly sometimes!!! best wishes!


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

My 11 month old can also make for some frustrating diaper changes. If I can sense there's gonna be a problem, I find an object for her to play with - something she is not usually allowed to have, or something she hasn't seen before. This is usually all it takes. If I don't have such an object, I just get through the change as best as I can, though it does get hard when she rolls over! Usually I laugh though, I mean really - what else can you do?







I try to keep calm, if I have to pin her down for a second I do that, and of course when I'm done I scoop her up in my arms for a hug. I sing to her if she's really crying, talk soothingly to her "I know you are so frustrated right now! You want to be up and playing around!". 'Course she doesn't know what I'm saying, but I hope my tone of voice helps.

It's not a discipline issue, IMO.


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## AnnaReilly (Mar 8, 2003)

DD is 10 months old and sounds just like your DD!

We have some wild diaper changes around here too. If DH is home we tag-team her... one of us holds her still and makes faces and talks to her while the other one changes her. Of course that only works when there's two of us. When I'm alone with her I let her play with the remote (it's the only time she gets it) or make the weirdest noises and craziest faces I can which usually keeps her puzzled long enough for me to get her changed.

DD has also started the temper tantrums. She whines and does this fake cry thing when we take something away that she shouldn't have. We calmly tell her something like Stirringleaf mentioned... "I know you are upset, but X is dangerous and you may not play with it." And I leave it at that. I then start playing with something or go to another area of the room which distracts her into coming over to see what I'm doing and she moves on.

It's annoying though, and I too worry about what's to come if the tantrums are starting already! One day at a time -- it's all we can do!







Good luck!


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