# Advice: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer?



## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

I have been using Babywise for my son and it has been working very well. Please don't tear me apart for that!







Any how I was doing some research about Gary Ezzo, the author, online and was disterbed by what I found. In the end I'm not sure I want to endorse his approach. I still agree with a lot of the principles in Babywise, but not entirely and I am looking for a gentler, less legalistic and regimented approach. I have read The baby Book by Dr. Sears, but I don't entirly feel comfortable with all his approaches and am honestly not an AP mother, though I do use some AP techniques. I'm really looking for something inbetween, a balance between the two approaches. I heard some really good things about The baby whisperer by Tracy Hogg and was wondering if any of you have ver read it before and what you thought. Thanks for the help.


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## Sophia's Mommy (Oct 19, 2003)

Baby Whisperer? Hated it.
The only sleep book I'd ever consider is "The No Cry Sleep Solution".


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

Interesting, why did you hate it?


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## bubbles (Jul 26, 2002)

Before AP found me I thought I would do the schedule thing with one of those books. I tried BabyWise first and realized that much of it was cruel. I like Sears comment that it is "training" your child. I thought Baby Whisperer would be better but I found it just as militant. She tries to say that her approach is gentler and better, but it is not. While she never says babies should "cry it out" she does give a few techniques (which did not work for us) and then leaves you with the impression that that is what is left. I just did not find that it is as compassionate and in tune with the child as she claims it is. I found that it went against what our child needed and also against our own instincts. I guess if your child fits well into these programs and it is not an effort and a stress for the child, then they are not harmful. Otherwise I find them to go against what a child really needs. I say scrap the books and follow our own instincts if it is an infant. If you really do need nightime help I second the suggestion to check out "The No Cry Sleep Solution." It is a compassionate and helpful approach to help your child with developing better sleep patterns. Oh yes, I have trouble with the Baby Whisperer also because she left her kids at home with a sitter to move out of the country to endorse her book. Good parenting, huh?


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## seren (Jul 11, 2003)

I read this book with my dd. I really liked the concept of it. I loosely did the E.A.S.Y. program. It worked pretty well. But I don't do it anymore. We just decided to go with the flow with my son. Anyways, I read it, liked it, used it. You can pm me if you have any questions.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

Oh yes, I have trouble with the Baby Whisperer also because she left her kids at home with a sitter to move out of the country to endorse her book.
Add that to the fact that she completely lied about her credentials (she has no medical training) and doesn't endorse bfeeding (IMO) and there is nothing there for me to support.

What are you looking for? What do you hope the outcome will be? AP is about doing what is right for your child, and for many that will encourage a natural schedule, but what is it about Sears that you didn't like? Is there any specific problem you are having?


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

humm, thanks for the advice all, this is fun. I'd love to hear more opinions.

Bubbles, I know what you mean about using your intuition. I absolutly think that is the best tool we as parents can follow.

TiredX2: What I am really looking for is a balance between AP and methods such as those in babywise, which are strict and regimented. I did like Sears book for A LOT of reasons and still see it as a valuable resorce, however I felt like their answer to everything was wear your baby in a sling. My little one was a a rampid BFing strick and that's their main suggestion. But my son doesn't care for the sling. We use it on ocassion but he;d rather be on the floor so he can kick and move and play, or on my lap being bounced. Also we tried co-sleeping, but DS woke up so much more often and was very cranky. In his own crib he sleeps better and wakes up rested and happy. Also there are so many momas on this board who seem so sleep deprived and miserable and I think, there has to be a better way.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing AP, I think there are so many wonderful things about it. And for how big that book is those are very minor complaints. An LC even told me she thought I had a very independant son, which makes some of the bedrock AP principles hard for us. Who knows though, maybe the next one will be completely different.

One last thing, I guess there is no perfect solution, we all just do the best we can to raise our kids with love.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I felt very luke warm with the Baby Whisperer. Didn't love her didn't hate her took what I wanted and left the rest. I like her lose but predictable day. I also liked the whole way she approached baby's. "Start as you mean to continue' has been forefront in my mind (right along witrh "is this worth weaning frm later"). it did change the way I parent for the better. I htink my children do much better with at least a loose routien during the day.

Jayden is 5 months old. As I recall from another post you are happy with your sleeping arrangement and your schedule and so is he. Why not just throw the books away and go with what is working. You will know when you need to adjust things and I would be willing to bet you will evenknow what needs to be adjusted







If you like routien and it makes you a better parent and your child happier that is good. If it helps you connect with your child on a deeper level then that is AP. We have experimented with a lot of things between my three kids. If you want to talk more about what worked for us feel free to PM me.


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## TranscendentalMom (Jun 28, 2002)

I read Baby Whisperer when I was pregnant & I remember thinking she had some good ideas but it only took me one week with a newborn to realize that the E.A.S.Y schedule was not so easy for me. It stressed me out more having to get him on a rigid schedule. Not my nature nor is it my son's. I did like some of her suggestions - such as creating a routine. And she did seem to be against CIO but was totally vague and unspecific about what to do as an alternative. I found her overall demeanor was obnoxious and her "expertise" seemed questionable. Just because these things worked for getting babies to sleep better doesn't mean it was good for them in the long run. Now it seems so absurd that people are so out of harmony with their babies that they have to call in a total stranger to "train" them. I second the recommendation for No Cry Sleep Solution - best book ever on sleep.


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## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

My first cousin really liked Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. I looked at it but was concerned about the breastfeeding aspect of things. That's the problem with any book that advocates a schedule. Babies' tummies aren't on a schedule! (that's also the main reason why people are so upset about Ezzo, by the way--his super-strict scheduling has actually caused babies to fail to gain weight appropriately.)

My son found his own schedule. Even though we didn't impose one on him, he began to eat and sleep in predictable patterns around four or five months. My dh is the one at home caring for the baby and he is really into routines. he just observed what ds did and that was enough.

We have had struggles with sleep, but we solved most of them with the No Cry Sleep Solution book's suggestions. Pantley doesn't care whether you sleep in the same bed with your baby or not. Hers was the first parenting book that I felt got the tone right.


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

Well thaqt was really good, but mixed ffedback on the book everyone. Thanks so much for the input. It sounds like she has some horrible advice about BFing and is maybe not someone with a personality you'd want to be best friends with, but it sounds like she does have some valuable advice. I think I'm going to get the book and learn from the possitive things I can and leave the rest. Thanks again everyone!

Ashley


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## pip (Apr 3, 2003)

I really liked it - please don't flame me anyone!

Obviously no one set of 'rules' will work for everyone, but I like her ideas on routine and predictablility for the baby, alongside the flexibility that E.A.S.Y. gives. It just gives you an idea what to expect, and helped me think about ways to deal with a newborn when I had no idea about babies. Yes it's always most important to go with your gut feelings, but it is nice to get some back up advice for the moments you stress out! I think her tips on accidental parenting are pretty right on.

I found that so many books told me that after the baby was born I would be so tired and it would be the hardest time of my life and blah blah doom gloom, that I was scared to even have my baby. The Baby Whisperer made it seem like, yeah I could do this, and it was right, I had a pretty easy-going baby, but the first 6 months were the best time of my life, not the worst!

Read, take what you like, ignore the rest, and enjoy! (and tell us what you think...)


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Hi Alvenchrst,

I just want to thrown in my two cents about tired mommies and the Family Bed...

The family bed is not for everyone, but personally, if I had NOT used the family bed arrangement, I think I would have outright died from sleep deprivation during the first few months. my baby neeed to BF every two hours (which is completely normal and necessary, of course), and if I had had to get our of bed and go to her, I think I would have collapsed at some point.

That being said, babies change, and my daughter (now 13 months old) sleeps better in her own space. I nurse her to sleep, then move her to her own mattress where she sleeps through the night. (We do not believe in CIO methods of any sort!).

The main thing is to be flexible. AP is NOT about rigidly sticking to any one thing...some babies start off in the bed, then move out because that is what seems best for those babies, Others stay for a year or two, etc. It's an ever-changing situation, based on your baby's ever-changing developmental/emotional needs.

Go with your instincts above all else.
Best of luck,
Trish


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Alvenchrst_
*My little one was a a rampid BFing strick and that's their main suggestion.*
What is this?

I read this book a few yrs ago and have blocked most of it out. Baby Whisperer says in her book she pushes a baby back down in its crib when it wants to be held. Didn't she keep a log of one baby, she sat by the bed and wore headphones with music, and the baby had to be laid back down over 100 times? And she finds this not cruel? A stranger next to the poor baby's bed, unemotionally pushing it back down in its cage?

Do not endorse this book in any way. Nor does LLL.


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

I meant that they suggested sling wearing and wooing your baby back to the breast in the Baby book by Dr. Sears. Those sort of methods totally didn't work for my independant little one.
As far as baby whisper goes I haven't read it yet but I have heard about her pushing her baby back down into the crib and I don't think I will take that approach. Like I said, I am going to take the good and leave the bad!


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## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

But also get The No Cry Sleep Solution.

It's not that it's a perfect book, but that she actually assumes you will pick and choose solutions, and she gives good information about how to make sure your baby is safe in bed.

It sounds like you want to be systematic in your approach, and Pantley is good at helping you develop a night time system. One that doesn't depend on nursing the baby to sleep (or even, on NOT nursing the baby to sleep!) My son has slept a lot better since I read the book, even though I didn't do everything she advises.

My baby also didn't like the sling until I could use it as a hip carrier. It did (and does) help him to be "worn", but not if he couldn't see! For the last three or four months he has actually been kind of psyched for me to wear him around on my hip. so don't give away your sling!


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## MisfitMama (Sep 4, 2003)

Ashley,

I am very impressed that you were willing to do research on Ezzo, and to question his techniques - I know a lot of women who get defensive about his book and then refuse to look at what harmful things they might be doing because of believing the things he says. (and I assume you went to www.ezzo.info, right?)

Since you do seem to be a bit of a researcher (as am I!) I thought you might be interested in the philosophy behind Dr. Sears's belief that "the answer to everything is the sling." Fascinating stuff! Here are some links I've been collecting:

http://www.didymos.de/english/html/bonnet.htm
http://www.context.org/ICLIB/IC04/McElroy.htm
http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/in-arms.html
http://www.thewellspring.com/TWO/8carry.html
http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/neurosis.html
http://www.thebabywearer.com/article...reatThings.htm

Also, I always think that when someone says "my baby doesn't like the sling" (which I hear a lot) - well, it just doesn't make too much sense, if you read the above articles. Babies were *designed* to be carried all the time. That being said, I think that different babies do better in different positions - some may even be best off on your back (easier for housework, too!), and many babies (mine included) really only like to face forward (kangaroo carry). My ds had to be in kangaroo position most of the time from 3-7 mo, until he was too big and I switched him to hip carry.

In any case, I think the real problem with slings is that there are so few experienced sling-users out there to help new mamas out. I have managed to convert a few people to babywearing just by spending some time with them, putting their baby in *my* sling, etc., so that they would believe that their babies really would enjoy it. It is just so hard in this culture! But once you get it, it's the most amazing thing - you wouldn't believe what I can get done while babywearing. . .

Anyway, I'm with the naysayers about The Baby Whisperer. True, you can "take the good and leave the rest," but isn't that what people say about Ezzo? Aren't you sick of people with no integrity writing books about how you should take care of your kid? I just find it **fishy** that these people are so creepy in real life.

I used to say, "people shouldn't read parenting books - they should follow their instincts." But now I realize that nobody is in touch with their instincts in this culture - there is too much racket, and people telling you what you "have to do" so you won't end up with a "manipulative" child. Grrr. . . These days I've reformed my opinion. I now believe that people should read counter-culture books only - no "training books"; if you need to "train" your baby, you can get advice from anyone off the street, but these books do a grave disservice to babies and the adults they will someday become.

Good Luck! And let us know what you find.

MisfitMama


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## Meli65 (Apr 29, 2002)

I read part of The Baby Whisperer while I was pregnant (recommended by a friend) and I liked how she wants you to treat the baby respectfully (call him or her by name, don't just take things away, ask first, etc.) but I didn't like the scheduling aspects of it either. I am not a schedule-type person anyway and since it didn't appeal to me, I didn't want it for my baby.

We are very into Dr. Sears and ds did love the sling and the family bed, but my nephew who is just three months younger truly seemed happier on his own. He fell asleep more easily on his own than on someone's lap and he seems to have had a pretty easy time of it in his crib. He is overall an easy-going kid while ds is pretty high-need.

I think it doesn't hurt to read everything and take what you like from it, as long as you are very in touch with your feelings and can easily discard stuff that makes you uncomfortable.

Also, The No-Cry Sleep Solution worked wonders for us. Highly recommended.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

i've read the book, and also secrets of the Toddler Whisperer, and i thought both were excellent.

i think it's awesome how she advocates being "in-tune" with your baby, paying lots of attention to them, communicating fully and using sign language if they can't talk yet (so they can communicate without words).

i read them after already having had my son -- he was about 2 at the time i think? -- and i had learned a lot about parenting and open communication and stuff...

anyway i think they're great books. (maybe they're not "hardcore" enough for some?







: )

of course i don't know anything about the author's life outside of what she's written, and really i don't care. i think she has some awesome advice, and it was really refereshing to read them after reading magazines like American Baby and Parents for so long.

btw, what's babywise?


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## IfMamaAintHappy (Apr 15, 2002)

put down the book and pick up your baby.

its nice to have a reference, but you don't need a book to tell you if your baby is hungry or sleepy or if he has eaten enough. you just pay attention to him and go with your instincts.

Sounds like you won't be real Ezzo-like hyper scheduled, and not really AP... just plain ol mainstream. And that's fine if it works for your family.

Your little baby is not a manipulator. Your baby can only communicate with cries, and it is your job to fulfill his needs.. even if they are for comfort! Does he need a reason to cry in the middle of the nighta nd want cuddling and maybe some milk? No. he's a baby. He needs what he needs. LISTEN to your baby, and trust yourself that you are fulfilling his needs. It's a whole lot easier than going by a book.


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## pip (Apr 3, 2003)

Wow, it's always amazing to me how people can look at things in such different ways - like is the glass half empty, or half full?

I hardly think she advocates "unemotionally pushing the baby down in it's cage", I think the opposite - that the child cried and was PICKED UP 100 times! That child was comforted until it stopped crying many many times more than I would be patient to do. I think this would help the child know it is safe and will not be left alone if distressed. Co-sleeping is another solution, but I don't think one solution is superior to another...it depends on the baby surely? My baby is happy as larry to sleep in his own space, and if sick or unhappy is welcomed into our bed, although none of us get a good sleep all together in the family bed. That's just him, not that I am a cruel mother!!!

I think AP is totally about listening to your baby and tuning in, and on this the baby whisperer is very good. The baby lets you know what they need, and you learn to help this through predictablilty and respect. It is not about every baby being in the family bed, or every baby being held all night.

What I liked about it is that mum is important too. While I would love to have a continous backrub all night, it is not fair on my husband to expect him to do that, so while a baby might like to be walked and rocked all night, it is not fair on mum to expect that (especially as they get heavier). To me this book is about repecting both you as a mum and your baby, and keeping both parties sane and happy.

By the way, she never advoctes wearing headphones to block out crying. That is so melodramatic! She actually advocates listening to the cry to work out what the problem is so you can respond appropriately...is the baby hungry, or just tired? She also says lots about reassuring soothing sounds and patting, neither of which is "unemotiomally pushing a baby down". Sorry to be so defensive, but to twist a book's ideas so much kind of winds me up. Can we not all be our own judges, and learn from others ideas, rather than condemning them so quickly?


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

Pip,
Thanks so much for your post. It was really refreshing! I like that you said that you don't think one solution is superior to another, it depends on the baby. That is so true.

Many of you mentioned the no cry sleep solution, and I really think it is worth a read, however some of you who have already gotten to know me know that I see crying as a necessary means of communication of all sorts and I listen to his needs and fill them. For me that means when the cry is for sleepiness, I lay him down to sleep. This way he will fall asleep in a few minutes, instead of an hour it would take if I would trying to hold him and put hiim to sleep myself.

We are also pretty happy with what we are doing, but I like Misfit Momma like to research things and I wanted to read a little more. I was hoping to find something a bit more balnced than Ezzo or SEars. and with the wide range of opinions I think I founfd something with a little more balance. I also have a prego friend and wanted to have a good book to give her that maybe wasn't so extreme on either side.

Misfitmomma, I will try to check out some of the sling links you put. I still use it eery so often, especially during air travel I find it helpful. I think it would just take a bit more practice. BTW did you know that them made me take the sling off myself on the plane while my son was sleeping in it!!! They said it is an FAA reg not to have baby attatched to you in the air. Does that sound weird to anyone else?

Ging-ging,
I spend time her on MDC and reading while Jaden is sleeping. I don't beleive that I have the corner on how to raise a baby, and being so young, I try to gain as much helpful insite as I can from various sources then process it with my own intuition. I want to be the best mother I can, and to me that means arming myself with knowledge and knowhow. I believe some of the reading I have done has really changed my parenting for the better. I love my son and as a SAHM we spend lots of time together.

Okay well that was a little long winded. There were just so many interesting things brought up and I wanted to touch on a lot of them. Keep it coming girls!

Ashley


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## bubbles (Jul 26, 2002)

Ashley, While I did give a pretty strong opinion about the book I want to complement you as a mother. It sounds as if you are really in tune with your baby and are always seeking to achieve the best balance in your family. That is what it is truly about. Every book gives you bits and pieces that can help to develop your family balance. One of the best things that I got from Sears was that you need family harmony. That comes by listening to your baby and working with what works for your particular family. You sound like a very intuitive, caring, and well-read mama! I in no way ever wanted to sound like I knew any more than anyone else. If I did maybe I could write a book, lol. Thanks for starting a good discussion. It helps me to be more open and to see things in another light.


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)

Ashley









I saw a great book in the bookstore the other day and when I saw it (I also read through it for about a half hr), I thought that it was a very schedule orientated, mainstream, AP book. I liked it, and thought that other mamas more mainstream than myself might like it too.

"The Happiest Baby on the Block"

Like I said, I just went through it, but didn't read it. He is coming out w/a toddler book next month and I might have to take a look at that one









Edited to add, you mentioned crying. I think you would really enjoy the article on "in arms crying" in the latest Mothering mag. It spoke of the importance of letting babies cry when they need to cry (not when they are hungry, wet, etc) I think it would be right up your alley. I know it really opened my eyes.

Best of luck in your journey








Amy


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

Thanks for the recommend Amy. I have looked at it a little. Looked like an awesome book for a colicky baby. Would be a good read. Maybe that will be next on my list. In my spare time of course . . . . :LOL I'll check out the article with an openmind. I have tried letting Jaden CIO in my arms and it felt like I was prolonging his sleepy suffering even longer. Like letting him cry in my arms was actually preventing him from sleeping. When I'd lay him down he'd go to sleep right away. ButI still need to read the article, and like I said, with an open mind. Thanks.

Bubbles, don't worry, you didn't sound like you were trying to assert your knowledge over anyone. We all bring something very unique and valuable to the table here, and I appreciate everyones opinion.

Good night all.


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Jaden sounds like my 2nd dd. From about age 3-9 mos, she would get more and more restless at bedtime. The longer I held her and nursed her and rocked her, the more antsy she would get. This was confusing to me, as my 1st dd loved to be parented to sleep.

Finally one day, I laid her down in the bassinet and she fell asleep after 3 mins of half hearted whimpering. She also loved to suck her thumb. This is not CIO. This is meeting your child's needs and being sensitive to them.

I was reading a lot and realized she was an introvert and needed her space. She would even sleep through the night many nights. I would hear her from the next room, rouse and find her thumb and go back to sleep.

After age 9 mos, separation anxiety and teething kicked in and she joined us in the family bed for the next 4 yrs. During teething she hardly slept and we walked the floors many nights.

Flexibility as the baby grows and changes is key. That is why I am highly suspicious of a one size fits all parenting philosophy.


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

DaryLLL,
I tototally agree. It is is crazy how two kidos can be totally different. i definently have an idependant guy who is a really sleep. Like 10 hrs at night at 4 months!! Something tells me the next one might not be so easy. I definently agree that a one size fits all parenting philosopy doesn't work. That's why I want to get to know a lot about other philosopies I'm not using b/c one day the need will proabably araise for them, just like in your experience. Thank you to everyone for you sensitive an honest input. It's great that we can honestly share our expereinces without bashing eachother.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

ashley, i would really recommend the no cry sleep soloution even if you don't mind a little fusisng at bedtime. its a great book that i think every parent should read - as someone else mentioned, it really helps you formulate your own night time plan based on the needs of you and your child. plus, it would be great to have already read it by the time you have your next child, who might not be as easy as this one. my dd is alot like your child - until recently, she always fell asleep on her own, slept in a crib, sucked her thumb to sleep, etc. now that separation anxiety has hit, she sleeps with us, but is still a very easy sleeper. my son was the exact opposite, and i really wish i had had the NCSS when he was little!

honestly though - it seems like things are going fine for you. do you mind me asking why you think you even need a book for help?


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## CerridwenLorelei (Aug 28, 2002)

so while a baby might like to be walked and rocked all night, it is not fair on mum to expect that (especially as they get heavier).

not trying to hijack the thread but I was wondering why? from both why does she say this and your perspective as well?


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## pip (Apr 3, 2003)

Hi CerridwenLorelei...did I get that right? It was hard to copy!!

In answer to your question, I think it's not fair to expect mum to walk/carry a baby all night regularly 'cos I know I just can't do it! I have a dodgy back and a baby who gained weight very rapidly, and if me carrying him was his soothing to sleep mechanism I would be miserably sore and tired, thus not the most patient mum!! Of course I have paced and rocked him as a tiny baby, and during difficult times as he has got older (usually teething or sickness means a bit if mama cuddling in the night) but I will admit I do find it hard (although the cuddles are divine







the lack of sleep is not). Who doesn't suffer sleep deprivation sometimes? If my baby was dependent on me walking and rocking all night to sleep, I wouldn't be a very tolerant mum during the day!

So hope that helps...my point is obviously not that babies should not ever be rocked or carried, but if you can let the baby know they are safe and you are there and they can learn to soothe themself to sleep either in their own space or in the family bed, it is a bit easier on mum!

Alvenchrst - our babies seem pretty similar! I remember Luka getting grumpy when he was only a few weeks old, and saying to my mum that he wanted to go to bed. She thought I was nuts, but sure enough, he happily went to sleep when put in his own space. That's just him! Like you, I'm a little anxious about the next one....

I really like the positive supportive turn your thread has taken, and think that reading really helps us develop our own strategies for parenting. Each child is so unique that a parent needs to be totally flexible to meet their needs, so learning from other people's ideas is so beneficial. I guess that's why we're all here







That's why I said go with the book, take what you like, ignore the rest!


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

Eclipse- Even though things are going well, I wanted a bit of advice because a friend of mine is prego and I wanted to have a good book to give her for a shower that would help her figure out a bit of the whole parenting thing, but that wasn't quite as controversial as Ezzo, even though I still liked the book. And also because I am a work in progress, just trying to develop as a mom a little more especially for the resons you yourself mention, like teething hits or dc#2 isn't so easy.


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## 1Plus2 (Mar 13, 2003)

I have not read the Hogg or Ezzo books. But, here is a review from Kellymom.com on the Baby Whisperer book you may find interesting:

http://www.kellymom.com/reviews/revi...whisperer.html


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

1plus2: Thanks for the link. It was very informative. Does sound like she offers a lot of bad BFing advice. However in was written from a defient AP perspective. I'm a bit more mainstream so took the perspective with a grain of salt. thanks for the link!!!


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## stellasmum (Oct 17, 2002)

I love this forum - it really reaffirms my committment to cosleeping for as long as Stella needs it. It IS frustrating at times - other times I wake up in the middle of the night (on my own!) and look at her peaceful little face and feel her warmth....AHHH what a wonderful way to fall back to sleep! I will never forget something I read from Sears : that it really is such a SHORT period of time in the baby's life and yours.....it will pass. And then we might wish it hadn't!! Really cherish them while we can, right?
Anyway, I practically chant that some nights when I can NOT get her to go to sleep!!


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

kind of offtopic...

Quote:

... really reaffirms my committment to cosleeping for as long as Stella needs it.
my son chooses to sleep on his own now, even when he's sick or hurt... since he was about 2 or 2 1/2 he just stopped being able to sleep around other people. it makes me so sad now because i sleep best when he's next to me. i'm an insomniac but if michael's right next to me, *poof* i get right to sleep.

we're definitely cosleeping with the new baby!

but i do know that for some people it's just not an option (due to health conditions, lack of adequate sleeping space, or medications). it's nice having the time to myself to stretch out, but most nights i'd love for michael to sleep near us still. :: sigh :: i guess he had to sleep on his own eventually...









it does bother me when people read only mainstream parenting info and think that they *shouldn't* sleep with their baby... i guess it bugs me because that's what *i* thought before i had my son... and now i know better.


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by klothos_
*

it does bother me when people read only mainstream parenting info and think that they *shouldn't* sleep with their baby...*
I agree. It is important to check it all out before hand. I think we put too many "should" and "shouldn'ts" into paretning. What's right and works for one may not be right and work for another.

Stellasmum and Klothos, I'm glad you've both had such great experiences with co-sleeping. It is sad when our babies grow up, even just a little.







But I guess that's just a part of life. Just think one day they will be moving out and possibly going to college, or getting married and having babies of their own. Eeeck! We really do have to cherish those moments. On that note, off to give DS a bath!


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## pageta (Nov 17, 2003)

I've read Dr. Sears and the Baby Whisperer. Though I do not agree with everything in the Baby Whisperer, I did find it very helpful. Dr. Sears talks about reading your baby's cues - the Baby Whisperer helped me figure out what the cues were and how to interpret them. We kind of did the EASY thing for a while and it helped me settle into a routine, but we've sinced diverged from that specific routine. I will be eternally grateful to the Baby Whisperer for learning how to read sleepy cues and getting the baby to nap.

For example, we do nurse to sleep (not recommended by the BW), but it only works when we're in the "window" that the BW describes so well. My ds is now almost 8 months - he nurses every hour and a half and goes to sleep about 3 hours after he wakes up, just like clockwork. I hear about moms spending an hour trying to get their baby to go to sleep - I never have the patience for more than 5 minutes. Either ds is tired and goes to sleep or he plays a bit longer until I see the cues again and then I get him to go down. I was starting to get frustrated with Dr. Sears until I read the Baby Whisperer, and now I'm a big fan of Dr. Sears and reading cues - I would never have the patience to make my child go to sleep at 3:00 because that's when I think he should go to sleep (which is what Ezzo recommends according to what I've been told).

So people ask me if ds is on a schedule, I say yes; he is but it's based on his very predictable cues once I learned how to read them. Basically we're doing the schedule (like Ezzo recommends) and following cues (like Dr. Sears says), all thanks to the Baby Whisperer teaching me how to read cues. I have dear friends who like Babywise because Dr. Sears did not provide enough structure and it absolutely drove them crazy, which I can well imagine.

So that's my "middle-of-the-road" approach.


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## stellasmum (Oct 17, 2002)

You're right- Sears is very (often frustratingly) unstructured. While that helped us to follow our instincts and Stella's cues....what if you don't sense much of either? We're not all so in tune....especially with lack of sleep and other stresses. Sometimes I have a different instinct every week and switch strategies on poor Stella! Which is why these authors really do come in handy --- even to read and discard if it isn't your style. Or you try and it feels WRONG. Any ideas are welcome for me....But I do have to ask: do many of you really have much time to read these things....are there any Cliff's Notes ???


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## Alvenchrst (Feb 3, 2003)

Ha, ha. Cliff's notes would be very nice. Pageta I completely know what you mean. I don't think any one style can possibly capture it all. Our babies are way too complex for that. I'm going to try to check BW out from the library this week. I really need some more helpful ideas for getting Jaden to sleep. Although we do use CIO and I don't consider it "permante amotional damage" or anything like that, it is not always appropriate. For example I flew on about 4 planes in the last few days and that is not an appropriate place to let DS cry even for a minute or 2. KWIM. The only flaw I've found with not using sleep props as Bay wise and Baby whisperer describe is that not having a super effective means of getting baby to sleep other than cry or using the pick-up-and-put-down method can be really hard if you are not at home. At home what we do works great, but at a reastraunte or traveling is a whole different story. I don't want DS to become dependant upon things such as a 30 min rocking session before sleep or nursing but I just wish there was a magic sleep button. Anyone know what I mean. BTW I have tried so many times to rock DS to sleep and he just refuses and screams and arcs his back. It gets us both very frustrated.

Sorry for the book. Any one else dealt with this conflicting behavors?


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Elizabeth Pantly (no cry Sleep Solution) recommend introdicing a lovey and cue words.

For the lovey find a stuffed toy, blankie or somesuch ( I would recommend finding something ds likes and then buying 2 or 3 of them just in case :LOL) give it to him every time he nurses/has a bottle or sleeps or just when you are playing or cuddling. eventually he will become attatched and then as he gets used to getting it wevery time he sleeps he will associate it with sleep.

Cue words trigger a sort of pavlonian response. Ours are "Good Night Sleepy Baby" wqe started saying them as I was nursingh er to sleep. then would whisper them in her ear when we put her down. Now I sing the good night song, give a cheery "good Night Sleep Baby" and she lays down to sleep. Oh yeah, emphasis on the cheery part. When being introduced you should say them to your baby only when they are happy - before you laty them down if you think he is going to cry - so that he doesn't have anegative association or a crying association with them.

both of these willt ake a while for your baby to pick them up but they have worked really well for us.


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## carrietorgc (Sep 16, 2003)

btw, the baby whisperer has a website with message boards that have a bunch of info on them. www.babywhisperer.com. I haven't read the book but have read tons on her site. The rigid schedule, esp the bfing aspects of it, turned me off. that said, we fell into a routine of sorts within the first few months and it has really helped. So we have a daily routine based on dd's cues and what works for us and my ptime work schedule and go from there. I avoided babywise altogether. Read healthy sleep habits, healthy child but didn't like that it was a cio book. also read no cry. will probably use it when I get up the guts to try and reduce dd's night waking/get her to self soothe for naps/sleep. she goes down pretty easily right now and wakes 1-2x a night at 9 mo, so no real complaints here.

oh, and IMO you don't have to co sleep to be AP. julia has always slept better in her own space, and aside from an off night when she is sick or teething she still does. we co sleep after the 3 am feed sometimes and when she wakes at 5 am







:


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