# Stillborn mothers, do you have pictures of you baby?



## gamrgrl (Jul 9, 2002)

This is my last post today, I promise. It is just so nice to have a forum where there are other women who have experinced loss themselves. I feel free to talk I guess, without feeling like I am burdening you.

I just wondered if any of the other mothers here who had stillborn babies have pictures of them. Did your hospital/dr allow/suggest it? Did you get to hold your baby? How long, or did they limit you? I am just wondering about the experience of other here. Are you glad you did, or didn't do these things. Do you wish you had done these, or anything else? Did you think of them at the time, or only later, when it was too late?

Just tell me if I am being an overzelous pest for a newbie. I am just so happy to have found you all.


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## Clarity (Nov 19, 2001)

I have pictures, both my own and the hospital's. They let me have him as long as I wanted, and brought him back when I asked. They dressed him in a little outfit they gave me afterwards. I am very glad DH and I spent time with him, and that I have the photos. I wish I had saved the little hat he was wearing when I first saw him as something to cuddle later. I also wish I had made a plaster cast or impression of his hand or foot. I wish I had had them take the hospital photos earlier...his skin was changing color so it didn't look as pretty a few hours later as it did at first. I had him cremated and kept the ashes. I have a jizo buddha that's hollow in the middle. I plan to put the ashes of all my lost babies there. I kept the first outfit I bought for him, his bracelet and bassinet card, and some flowers that were sent. And my pregnancy test and the ultrasounds. It's all in a box.


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## Gracefulmom (Apr 25, 2002)

We have pictures of our own and taken by the hospital. One of our nurses suggested that we bring our own camera, and she even took pictures of us holding him. I love those now.

It's been a year and a half since Isaiah's birth and death, and now I appreciate SO much how the hospital staff handled it with us. Everything I resisted doing is what ended up being most special and meaningful to me... holding him, talking to him, taking his picture.

I do wish we had bathed him... that would be a nice memory.

...and I just wish he was alive.


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## mommynay-nay (Nov 20, 2001)

We have pictures taken by the hospital, and some that I requested the funeral home to take. They are precious to me. I had a very traumatic emergency c-section that caused a lot of post-traumatic stress for me and even though my mid-wife wanted me to hold him, I could not until the following day. I was allowed him as long as I wanted, but my stress level was so high from the surgery that I could not fully appreciate it. We "visited" him at the funeral home and I held him for such a long time there and yet there seemed that there would never be a long enough time. I wish now eight years later I had had more time for that.

There are things I would have done if I had not been under so much added stress, beyond the loss.


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## gamrgrl (Jul 9, 2002)

I think no matter what you do, you always wish you had done more.

We to have pictures of Dante, our own (color and black and white) and the hospital photos, and a couple of polaroids the hospital took so we could have some right away. Later, looking back I wish we had taken more, like a picture of just his little feet. We also have some from the viewing at the funeral home (family only) and some pictures of the closed casket funeral.

I don't have his hospital clothes or blanket, and wish I did, but I just didn't think of it. The nurse who bathed him noticed that he had a tiny bit of hair and asked if we would like her to shave some off for us to keep, so we have that too. I thank God she thougt of it, because I never would have. We also got to hold him as long as we wanted. Unfortunatley, we could not find my brother that night so he never got to, and he really wanted to, my daddy did as well, but they live in Washington and were not with us yet.

We have a few other things, pressed and dried flowers from the casket spray, and gifts. Both his, and my hospital bracelet, cards, a few special articles of clothing made for him, a quilt made for him by one of his great-grandma's, the baby book I bought and started before he was born, papers from the day he was born, and the day his obituary ran, etc. My uncle is making a cedar box, which I asked him to make when I found out I was pregnant as a clothes chest and eventual toy box which I plan to keep everything in. We even have a couple of toy elephants, which are identicle to the one we placed in his casket with him, one for dh and one for me, but I don't think those will go in the box for a long time.

As lucky as we are, in having so many remembrances of him, it never seems enough. I am especially glad for the pictures though, I will never have the pain of forgetting what my son looked like.


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Rebecca, you you're not a pest. Please post as often as you need. That's what this forum is for.

I have several pictures of Amanda and two of me holding her. One of the preist blessing her.

We made a memorial on a wall in the hallway. I framed several pictures, her foot and hand prints (from the hospital) and her birth/death certificate. I also put her dress and birth cap in a shadow box. I have a small shelf with things that remind me of her on it. It's a beautiful memorial to a child who was so wanted and loved.


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