# Does this come naturally to you?



## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

The whole gentle discipline thing I mean. I ask because no matter how much I read, research, think about it, it doesn't to me.










My first reaction/instinct/whatever is to yell or hit or 'teach a lesson' (and not in a good way). What baffles me is that I wasn't raised that way!!! I was raised pretty gently, nothing more than a time out, no yelling or spanking. I have never hit my dd, but I have treated her too roughly more times than I care to admit. I don't THINK about grabbing her, it just happens. And I get SO angry, it's insane!!

That being said, I KNOW in my brain GD/CL is the 'right' way, the best way to raise my children, but I have to work SO HARD to do it. When I am calm I can rationalize that she is young, she has just as many rights as I do, ect. But in reality, I don't act as if I believe that. I've read probably 25 books on GD/AP. Seriously, I've read them all. I have them all, and continue to refresh my train of thinking by re-reading them. But it doesn't help in the long run. Maybe for a few days I'll be better, but I always revert back to this rougher type parenting. Why is that???


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## barefootpoetry (Jul 19, 2007)

It's a struggle for me, because it's the polar opposite of how I was raised,so I seem to be hardwired against it.







My first reaction is to behave how my parents did: scream, hit, call mean names, inflict swift and harsh punishments. I hate it. ANd I hate myself for it. But I'm trying.


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## mrs_mandolini (Feb 23, 2007)

I would argue that sometimes it's just human nature to take what seems like the "easy" route, of "teaching that kid a lesson." It is WORK to be a good parent!!


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## SharonAnne (Jul 12, 2004)

Yes, what the pp said. It's a daily struggle for me to be gentle with my daughter. Sometimes I do great, sometimes I do okay. Sometimes I totally suck. Like, totally.

But I figure, every time I DON'T yell, scream, throw something, hit something, hit someone, or whatever...is one time closer to being a better mother than mine.







Something is better than nothing

My husband wasn't ever hit by his parents, and he sometimes struggles with GD, but on the whole, it does seem that he's more a "Natural" at it than I. Of course he's naturally more even tempered than I am about just about everything.


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## aaronsmom (Jan 22, 2007)

At first, no. But now that I've been doing it so long it's like second nature to me. When I first encountered the concept of GD I had to actually think my way through the process every time. "Ok, don't yell. Deep breath. Explain why we can't do xyz." You get the idea.
But now it's like I've conditioned myself to be a calmer person, not jump the gun, etc. In fact, as I'm writing this out, I find that GD has helped ME become a better person!


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## Tinker (Mar 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 
It's a struggle for me, because it's the polar opposite of how I was raised,so I seem to be hardwired against it.







My first reaction is to behave how my parents did: scream, hit, call mean names, inflict swift and harsh punishments. I hate it. ANd I hate myself for it. But I'm trying.

Same here.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I was raised very gently - never a spanking, a stern scolding, yelling or hitting, nothing of that ilk - and yet, when I am exhausted and my toddler won't stop hitting me or whining or abusing the cat or whatever, it's HARD to be gentle. It's hard to remember she's only 19 months and she can't stop herself from her impulses and all that. I'm the adult, and I have the power to remove things I don't want her to touch, and to use my words to explain we don't hit, and all that good stuff. But it's HARD some days.

I think all parents, regardless of parenting style, are bound to have some good days and some bad days. It just happens. No one's perfect. You learn from the bad days. You move on, and try not to duplicate the bad days. It's all about the trying, I think.


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## basilisa76 (Jul 31, 2007)

Well, I am usually patient but sometimes I have lost it and I confess I have hit my daughter's hand twice after intentionally dropping ALL her food AND juice on the floor for the 3rd time on my face.

I felt SOO bad because she cried in surprised and dissapointment (I think) of my reaction so I apologized each time. Now, everytime I raise my voice, she asks me to say "I'm SO-SO" (I am so sorry)

gigi


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I've always found it easier to be gentle with children, but I definitely have had some of the same "lash out" responses when dealing with adults. One thing I've found helps is to constantly consider "what would be the gentle way to deal with this?"--like when I'm watching a movie and someone is being truly evil "how could I help that person? What's really going on? How are they perceiving the situation?" Practicing mentally with fictional situations makes it easier to act appropriately with real people. Especially since the fictional situations give you a chance to go through a couple of ways of saying things and go through all the reasons behind what you're doing like aaronsmom suggests--again making it easier to do with real people.

The UA here at MDC has also helped because it forces me to think of reasoned responses to bad behavior rather than just cussing at someone. Not cussing at other posters, but at the people other posters complain about







.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

I was also raised without spanking or yelling (though shaming is another matter) and find it hard to be calm and gentle. My kids are SO hard, to the point that I wonder if I shouldn't have just taken a hard line with them from the get go, and I lose my temper ( yell) several times most days.


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

200000000% of a struggggggle every second of everyday all day long. but i didnt have a happy childhood ... and i have a child that no one can handle


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Nope. Definitely not a natural. But completely worth the effort! And more fun in the long run!


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## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

It doesn't/didn't come naturally to me at all. But it has gotten much easier, over time-it doesn't feel like so much of a struggle anymore. I've grown and it's coming a little easier to me now, a little more habitually. And now I don't stink at it nearly as badly as I used to, either.


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aaronsmom* 
At first, no. But now that I've been doing it so long it's like second nature to me. When I first encountered the concept of GD I had to actually think my way through the process every time. "Ok, don't yell. Deep breath. Explain why we can't do xyz." You get the idea.
But now it's like I've conditioned myself to be a calmer person, not jump the gun, etc. In fact, as I'm writing this out, I find that GD has helped ME become a better person!









: Totally me. At first when there'd be a rough situation both DH and I would find ourselves inwardly chanting "Don't yell at him, don't spank him." Now we have so many other tools in our toolbox, we never get to that point anymore.

(For the record DS has never been spanked. The thought has come up, but we made that decision before we even knew what GD was).

Just hang in there, it gets easier! You're trying and that in itself is an accomplishment.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

It's a natural fit with my overall approach to parenting. It's not a natural fit when I'm overtired, or dealing with depression, or ds2 throws himself onto my stomach from across the room when I'm less than two weeks post-op from a c-section, or whatever. When someone hurts me, my impulse is to strike back, and I really have to fight that down. Likewise, I did smack dd when she was a little over two and I was nursing ds2. She came up and yanked his hair really hard, and he started to scream. My hand was up and out before I even thought about it..I did manage to pull it, but not before I made contact (ie. I hit her, but not as hard as I almost did). That kind of thing is where I have trouble. It wasn't about "if I hit her, she'll learn a lesson and never pull his hair again" or anything like that - it was just an immediate, knee-jerk response to someone hurting my baby (ds2 was less than a month old at the time).

So...I don't know. Some of it is natural, and some of it is a struggle. Basically, I guess it's a natural fit for me when my "cup" is full. When my own need(s) for sleep, space to grieve, relief from pain, etc. aren't being met, it's a lot harder. I guess it's natural for me to realize that these issues are really about me, not about my dc, but it's a struggle to keep the reactions to these issues in check. Does that make sense?


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Well the baby/toddler stuff did. I found it very easy to have lots of patience, redirect, deal with tantrums, etc. And I had a really tough kid with sensory issues that = lots of meltdowns.

I'm finding GD harder as he gets older. I find myself trying to control him and his actions. I get impatient with normal 5 year old stuff like not listening to me the first time I ask him to do something, etc. I'm really working hard on it.


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## nathansmum (Nov 13, 2003)

Not natural here either. It does get easier though!


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

It didn't come natural for me and there are still times I struggle. But it has gotten easier. I used to have to think ahead of time, "okay if he does X, I'm going to respond with Y." Because I really didn't naturally know how to respond without hitting, I had to plan it ahead of time.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think that maybe the pregnancy could have something to do with how you are feeling right now, but it may be that there is something that is a problem right now and that this one thing needs to change. For me, GD does usually come naturally but there are times when I am incredibly frustrated and on occassion I have overreacted and kicked myself for it later. When my frustration seems like a continuous thing though it is usually because something is incredibly bothersome to me about a behavior. A lot of times we fall into a cycle where dd doesn't even listen to me when I tell her we need to do something and I don't follow through on helping her comply with my request because I feel guilty about doing so and then I feel frustrated and angry about not being able to go anywhere without a fight, whining, and not feeling guilty about needing to go places. Going places is a necessity and we both go because it is illegal to leave children her age alone and I have not won the lottery yet. We do not live well or happily like this and I find that being consistent about letting dd know when it is a choice or not a choice and following through with that gently but definitely helps both of us to stay happy.

If you are spending a lot of your time feeling frustrated and unhappy about something then look at what it is and come up with some solutions to change it. They may not be CL solutions, but if you aren't happy your child isn't going to be either especially if the choices you are making now are causing you to act out of anger.


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

It got a lot easier when I learned to examine the beliefs I had about people/kids. I was still not a completely naturally GD mama until my kids were teens. It really took seeing the results (not-so-good) of mainstream parenting to give me conviction about the whole thing. Now I am much closer to consensual than anything. Good Luck mama!


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## onlyAngil (Jan 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barefootpoetry* 
It's a struggle for me, because it's the polar opposite of how I was raised,so I seem to be hardwired against it.







My first reaction is to behave how my parents did: scream, hit, call mean names, inflict swift and harsh punishments. I hate it. ANd I hate myself for it. But I'm trying.









:


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## PinkPantherDiva (Jul 1, 2007)

It's becoming easier for me. I worry too much about what other people will think of me. SO I would do what I thought people thought I should do.
I was raised in a verbally abusive home, and I'm trying my hardest to stop yelling, it's hard.
I'm going to grab a few books from the library over the next few months and see if I can get DH to read them with me.
He agrees with the GD, but won't read anything on it*sigh*


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

First,







to all who had it rough growing up. It's amazing to see so many of you are doing better to your children than was done to you.

The thing that has me so baffled is that while I was never hit, my dh was spanked. And spanked often. His last 'spanking' was a slap across the face by his dad in high school.







: For cussing.







He will never say that his parents were wrong by spanking though. He really sees nothing wrong with it at all, and if I weren't so against it, he would probably spank dd.







BUT, of the two of us, he is MUCH more patient with her. He does have more limits than I do, and I think he does get on her for things that are developmentally appropriate, in general, he can separate his feelings from the situation and resume in a calm manner.

Maybe it's because I'm home all day long with both of them.
Or maybe I just read into everything too much and analyze too much.
Maybe I'm just sleep deprived from 3 years of broken sleep.

I don't know. I just know I have to try REALLY HARD at this, and it seems to take all my energy to just deal with everyday things. I get so...I don't know...worked up about silly little things where dh doesn't. Hmmm...


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## Mama_Leah (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
First,







to all who had it rough growing up. It's amazing to see so many of you are doing better to your children than was done to you.

The thing that has me so baffled is that while I was never hit, my dh was spanked. And spanked often. His last 'spanking' was a slap across the face by his dad in high school.







: For cussing.







He will never say that his parents were wrong by spanking though. He really sees nothing wrong with it at all, and if I weren't so against it, he would probably spank dd.







BUT, of the two of us, he is MUCH more patient with her. He does have more limits than I do, and I think he does get on her for things that are developmentally appropriate, in general, he can separate his feelings from the situation and resume in a calm manner.

Maybe it's because I'm home all day long with both of them.
Or maybe I just read into everything too much and analyze too much.
Maybe I'm just sleep deprived from 3 years of broken sleep.

I don't know. I just know I have to try REALLY HARD at this, and it seems to take all my energy to just deal with everyday things. I get so...I don't know...worked up about silly little things where dh doesn't. Hmmm...

My mom was a "yeller" and we (husband and I) were spanked (although if there can be a "good" way to spank my parents did it, the yelling was worse). I tend to raise my voice and be sharp with our kids when are driving me crazy...um, everyday, lol. My husband is much more calm and reasonable with them and he is constantly getting on me for yelling at them. I think part of it is that I am here with them all day and he isn't but he is generally more calm than me. I am really struggling with raising my voice less and it has become even harder now that I have stopped spanking. I feel awful about it because I am really a very nice, good natured person and sometimes I sound just like my mom. *sigh*


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

yes, it comes naturally to me, but only after 3 years of practice


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## PinkPantherDiva (Jul 1, 2007)

My husband is more patient then I am. My mom yelled and spanked me all the time. DH got spanked a handful of times. He's actually the one who was against spanking from the beginning. We seem to have more trouble the older she gets. People weren't kidding when they said 3 was harder than 2.

I wonder if I get on her too much for stuff. I know she's curious and so much is new to her still. I dunno, like the pp said 3 years of broken sleep and being home with them all day can wear a person down.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Some things do come so naturally to me. Like trusting them and listening to them respectfully. I know this is because my parents were good at that. But other things, like not lashing out at them, are soooo hard.

What's "natural" also has a huge correlation with how I feel. When I'm getting enough rest, enough alone time, enough exercise, and am not worrying about money or anything else, it's amazing how naturally it comes to me. I know because I've had about five days like that since I've become a parent.









Anyway, like the pp said, I hope that I can at least take what my parents did right and improve upon what they did wrong and pass that on to my kids. I'm sure they'll do even better.


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

To the OP's question... no it does not come naturally to me. At all. I was yelled at, spanked, belted, grounded, basically raised in a punitive way. And so when DS (23 mos) does anything that is a "trigger" for me (I'm just starting to figure out my triggers), then I do get angry. It is hard work for me to recognize the anger but then not act on it. FTR, we do not spank/hit DS! Never have, never will!

What's helping me is to figure out what my triggers are ahead of time. And then when DS does something to "set me off", ideally, I'll know why I'm reacting the way I am and be able to acknowledge my anger but respond in a GD way. If I look at when I tend to get angry, it's usually the same types of things over and over. Messy diapers/potty, messy eating, messy baths (pouring heaps of water out of the tub onto the floor), risky behavior (standing on things that aren't meant to be stood on), being screamed at, hit... (OK, this is a huge list, but you get what I mean...) By knowing ahead of time what my sensitive "issues" are, I can recognize my angry feelings as a consequence of MY OWN issues and not the fact that DS is "testing" me or "doing things on purpose to get me angry." kwim? Not sure if I'm making sense here, but hoping to help...

hugs to you, mama. You are doing the best you can and that's all we can do.


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## capagrl (Jun 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SharonAnne* 
Yes, what the pp said. It's a daily struggle for me to be gentle with my daughter. Sometimes I do great, sometimes I do okay. Sometimes I totally suck. Like, totally.

But I figure, every time I DON'T yell, scream, throw something, hit something, hit someone, or whatever...is one time closer to being a better mother than mine.







Something is better than nothing

Sadly... ditto that.

I, too, struggle to overcome my knee-jerk reaction. The only thing I've found that helps so far is meditation. But I don't always make the time to do it. Funny (not ha ha funny, but weird funny) thing is, I really don't have any issues until my kids hit around age 2 1/2 - 3. Up to that point, I am the BEST, most patient, kind, gentle, understanding, loving, bonding, nurturing mama on the planet. But after that... watch out. It's like my expectations of what they ***SHOULD*** be doing become so skewed from reality and my ability to accept the reality of what ***IS*** just leaves my brain.

I think by reading, learning, talking, listening... it's all getting in there somewhere. And as the above poster said, every time you *don't* behave as irrational, reactive mama, it's a major gold star on the side of good choices.

I have seriously & strongly considered hanging dangling signs from each room of my house and maybe on the stove, bathroom mirror, washer & dryer - basically everywhere I am during the day - putting signs up that say, "BE CONSCIOUS" to remind me so I don't backslide away from my clear thinking and rational self. Of course, these would probably only work for a while - I'd have to alter the color of the paper and/or locations regularly so I wouldn't become immune to the reminders. I haven't done it yet - anyone have thoughts on whether this might help struggling mamas??


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## mummy marja (Jan 19, 2005)

It's gotten much easier with practice. But when I'm tired, or I've had too much going on and need time alone, it is so much harder and I'm really not a nice mommy at all.

BUT, everytime I lose patience, or yell, or hurt them with my words or actions, I learn. I learn that it is just not the best way, and I feel so horrible. That is the only good thing about it--that it makes me do better the next time.


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## finn'smama (Jan 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
It's a natural fit with my overall approach to parenting. It's not a natural fit when I'm overtired, or dealing with depression, or ds2 throws himself onto my stomach from across the room when I'm less than two weeks post-op from a c-section, or whatever. When someone hurts me, my impulse is to strike back, and I really have to fight that down. Likewise, I did smack dd when she was a little over two and I was nursing ds2. She came up and yanked his hair really hard, and he started to scream. My hand was up and out before I even thought about it..I did manage to pull it, but not before I made contact (ie. I hit her, but not as hard as I almost did). *That kind of thing is where I have trouble. It wasn't about "if I hit her, she'll learn a lesson and never pull his hair again" or anything like that - it was just an immediate, knee-jerk response to someone hurting my baby* (ds2 was less than a month old at the time).

So...I don't know. Some of it is natural, and some of it is a struggle. Basically, I guess it's a natural fit for me when my "cup" is full. When my own need(s) for sleep, space to grieve, relief from pain, etc. aren't being met, it's a lot harder. I guess it's natural for me to realize that these issues are really about me, not about my dc, but it's a struggle to keep the reactions to these issues in check. Does that make sense?









: It comes more naturally when I'm well rested, fed and so are the kids. I am a yeller though, and I have to work soooooo hard to keep my voice down.
Bolding mine-this is me too. It seems like a reflex for me, if ds1 is trying to hurt the baby or is pulling my hair, etc. It's much harder to control.

A


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## sunnymw (Feb 28, 2007)

It is VERY difficult for me... wrote about why I think it's hard here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=892357


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
The whole gentle discipline thing I mean. I ask because no matter how much I read, research, think about it, it doesn't to me.










No. No no no. A thousand times no. It doesn't come naturally at all to me.

I was reading about socialization - and not in the "homeschooling" usage of the word, but actual socialization which happens in every single social interaction from birth for children - and basically it's not that yelling/hitting/punishing is more natural, but that it is what I was socialized with... and going against my socialization is no small feat. The fact that anyone is abe to accomplish it is amazing. Every time I align with what I know is right, rather than the "default parenting" that is what springs to mind first (especially under stress), that's just amazing. And it's beautiful, and it works. Those moments keep me going - it's what gets me to dust myself off and start over again when I totally go off the
deep end and do everything just as WRONG as I can possibly do it.

And I think that even though you weren't raised with it, it's in our society all around us, it's in our schools - coercion, punishment,s control - and that affects us in a million ways. Add to that how stressful parenting can be, an underlying sense of "I have to sacrifice all my needs" (OR the somewhat more rare expectation "I shouldn't have to ever sacrifice my needs"), well, making choices that aren't what we'd like is pretty normal... I'd say even the most naturally gentle, patient, compassionate mama has trouble being mindful and sweet when sleep-deprived, run down, and faced with a toddler who will NOT stay off the counters.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

It doesn't come naturally to me. I started reading about GD when ds was 6 mos old. That helped because I didn't have to change anything I was doing- I had a plan ahead of time.
But I still reverted to authoritarian type thoughts. Like, if he did something wrong, my head would want to punish him, make him "suffer" for what he did (intellectually, I'm anti-punishment). I'm WAY better now. I don't have those thoughts often. But it's taken 3 years of being against punishments to get to that place! I still do find myself issuing related consequences/threats to get ds to comply (ie: if he won't get his shoes on, I'll tell him that if his shoes aren't on in x minutes, we're not going at all). Not the way I want to parent, but I don't feel awful about those situations.

I yell sometimes, but not as much as I used to. I've thrown stuff in the past (never AT him, obviously). I've shamed- I'm much better at that now.

I don't know if it's because he's older now, and I see him as more of a person because of that, or if I've worked hard on seeing him as a person (as opposed to just "my child"), but it's easier now to consider his viewpoint of what I do. I think sometimes of the things I say to him, and some of those thing I would NEVER say to an adult for fear of hurting their feelings. Why the beep would I not be even more considerate of my ds's feelings? Gah.

But it's definitely been a 2 steps forward, 1 step back thing. Though sometimes it seemed like 5 steps back. lol.
It helped me to have some clear ideas and strong feelings about the type of discipline I thought was ideal (anti-punishment). But it also helped to be open about some other things (CL vs. more "parent in charge"). I think it probably helped when I read Secret of Parenting and decided to allow myself to be more in charge in times when I'm getting frustrated. That helped me be much more gentle, even when I'm saying no and sticking with it. But really, it might have helped me be more consensual in other aspects, yk?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

It comes fairly naturally now but it didn't a couple of years ago. I read whatever I can and just keep on muddling through as best I can, and the longer it goes on the easier it is.

My daughter was acting up the other day and I just consciously relaxed about it and thought, "everyone has a bad day from time to time" and let it go without any negativity - I responded in the way I do when she's sick instead of considering her to be naughty. And the next day she was fine. I swear, most of it is just not sweating the small stuff, and realizing what is realistic to expect from any given age, and understanding that no one behaves perfectly all the time.


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## grantskismom+1 (Mar 8, 2008)

The idea of GD comes natural to me. Because of the way I view children and how they should be treated GD makes sense to me. I didn't need a book or anything to guide me into this type of parenting. It just *feels* right.

Acting it out doesn't necessarily seem natural. In honesty, I don't thing acting it out is natural for anyone. A couple months ago I asked a child psychologist why parents react so negatively to children when it's destructive. His answer? Because parents are people too! It's human nature to respond to negative behavior with negative behavior. In fact, that's actually pretty important. You just have to maintain control of yourself. There's nothing wrong with showing a child that you're upset. It teaches them about emotions. What is wrong is overreacting. I see to many parents that think GD is about putting a smile on your face all the time. Doing so can be detrimental to children.


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## PinkPantherDiva (Jul 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnymw* 
It is VERY difficult for me... wrote about why I think it's hard here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=892357











That makes perfect since!
I just remind myself that she's 3 and it's my job to guide her and help her, have fun with her and enjoy her curiosity. It's hard for me to slow down and enjoy my kids sometimes. I'm always go go go, something has to be done, or I have to be ding something. I'm much better at it then I was a year or two years ago.


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## maciascl (Nov 11, 2004)

Not one little bit, even after 4 1/2 years of attempting to keep it up. I fight that knee-jerk reaction others have mentioned CONSTANTLY. Oh & I've lost the yelling battle







I just can't seem to keep that one under control no matter how hard I try.


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## dflanag2 (Oct 4, 2005)

Whew! I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with all of this! Thank you so much to everyone who has shared how difficult it is; I really needed to read this today after being cooped up in the house on a rainy day. It's easy for me to do the analysis and determine the 10 underlying problems that led to conflict happening (98% my own personal problems that have little to do with DS), but I can't seem to see it in advance enough to head off the conflict.

On the other hand, I can look back and see that I do better now than I have in the past AND that improvement has occurred while adding a second child to the mix. It is time for me to read a new parenting book, though, and get some fresh ideas to throw into the mix.

My problem right now is coping with how ANNOYING my DS (3.5 years) can be.







: DD is 21 mos and he's driving her nuts too! My main way of coping is to keep him busy with playing/interacting with other kids, and give him lots of physical exercise. If those things don't happen, things go down the tube fast.

-dflanag2


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

I've read all the books...and I still don't naturally react with gentle thoughts.
I try very hard to be gentle but my gut reaction is to punish.


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## BaBaBa (Jun 30, 2007)

does it come naturally to me? yes and no.

My ability to GD or not GD has a lot to do with how much support I have. Support from your spouse, family and friends certainly makes it easier to be a good mama. If mama is well taken care of baby will be well taken care of.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

No, it definately does not come easy for me. I yell way too often than I would like and I've grabbed my kids more roughly than I ever should. I do try to be as gentle as possible though most of the time. . .but I often fail


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## Synchro246 (Aug 8, 2005)

OP, I relate to EVERY SINGLE WORD of your first post. It's such a struggle.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

I do what feels right, as defined by what seems healthiest for my child, is effective, and realistic. I don't subscribe to any defined terms of any parenting method, or read books, or have complicated rules. Occasionally I get frustrated, but honestly, my DD's behavior is mostly great, and she listens very well if I want her to stop something, so we'll see as she gets older!


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