# "Forgetting the pain"? That's a JOKE



## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

What's all this "Well, God made our bodies forget the pain! Otherwise the human race wouldn't have continued"

What a bunch of balogne.

For me, anyway.

I remember every single stabbing contraction as if it happened an hour ago.

Who here agrees/disagrees with the statement "forgetting the pain" and do explain WHY?

I swear I'm going to snap at the next family member that suggests it AGAIN.

Ugh.

-Caitrin


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

My last baby was born just over 2 years ago and I'm having to really concentrate to even kind of remember how much it hurt. I *know* it really hurt but it's more of a memory that I have to work hard to remember than something that I can feel. If you had asked this 2 years ago, I certainly could have remembered every contraction and just how much it hurt. How old is your baby? I'm sure there are people out there that don't forget or that time does not dull the memory.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

I can remember it, intellectually, but my body has largely forgotten the pain. In fact, that's one of the ways I determined when to listen to my body on the subject of having more children. After my first was born, within a couple months a rosy glow fell over my memories and while I "remembered" the pain, it just didn't seem that bad. All 18 hours of it, including the 8 stuck in transition.







By 6 months PP, I wanted another baby quite badly and was willing to go through labor again.

After ds was born, I was quite sure I was done having children. Lo and behold, 14 months later, there's no rosy glow and I really don't want to go there again. I know I could handle it, but I don't want it. Which just backs up my feeling that there are no more babies waiting for us to get busy so they can be born. After dd was born I strongly felt a little boy waiting for us to get a move on. And when ds was born, I felt completion.


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## lotus.blossom (Mar 1, 2005)

How long ago did you give birth?

I remember the trauma of my c-section but the pain of labor just fades into the background. I actually don't remember what a contraction feels like, all I remember is that there was an intense grinding pain in my lower back. THAT I will never forget!


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kerrie* 
My last baby was born just over 2 years ago and I'm having to really concentrate to even kind of remember how much it hurt. I *know* it really hurt but it's more of a memory that I have to work hard to remember than something that I can feel. If you had asked this 2 years ago, I certainly could have remembered every contraction and just how much it hurt. How old is your baby? I'm sure there are people out there that don't forget or that time does not dull the memory.

Wow.

Wish I could say that too.

-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

8 flippin' months ago.

And in my mind- more like 8 hours ago.

I want a big family- at least 8 kids. It's what I was brought up with and it's what my husband was brought up with.

But I seriously have doubts when I think about the pain of those wretched contractions.

Then again, I did have pitocin and I don't know what "natural ones" feel like. Perhaps it's different?

-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lotus.blossom* 
How long ago did you give birth?

I remember the trauma of my c-section but the pain of labor just fades into the background. I actually don't remember what a contraction feels like, all I remember is that there was an intense grinding pain in my lower back. THAT I will never forget!

Wow. I feel like a looser









-Caitrin


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## Baby Makes 4 (Feb 18, 2005)

I remember quite vividly how much it hurts but I'll do it again because it was worth it.


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

P.S.- I still have vivid nightmares about giving birth.

-Caitrin


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## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

well, I know I felt pain, but after a year or so I couldn't describe the pain to anyone. Now, after 13 years, I question whether or not I felt pain. (which I know isn't the case at all!!!)

So, yes, there is some truth physiologically to the amnesiac affect of labor...not to mention the reward is so sweet that we seem to reason it out in our minds.

I had Pitocin, too - and those contractions are crazy in pattern, frequency and intensity. Plus it is harder for your hormones to work in a nice release pattern to help with the intensity...I remember reading somewhere that the release of endorphins is much lower when synthetic oxytocin is used. Which makes sense.

i also believe that traumatic births (be it the surprise of pain or things that were done to us, how we were violated) will keep that pain at the forefront. you're not a loser - I would just encourage you to see someone who works with women's issues to get past your anger. it really helped me.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Sorry, gotta disagree with you - it's just a distant memory for me (3-1/2 yrs and then 14 months ago - 15 hrs of labor, 4 hours of pushing and 2 c-sections with associated recovery), and while I'm done having children for various reasons, the pain of childbirth is not one of them. I honestly even have a hard time remembering my incision pain, even though I know it affected me much more the second time around than the first time. The only thing I still remember is when I was giving DS piggyback rides and I was 10 weeks postpartum with DD - NOT a good idea - yeah, that had me down for the count for a few days while my abdomen healed up a little from that. But aside from that searing pain







, I don't remember the pain of labor or pushing, or even the early weeks of section recovery

BUT, I believe people feel pain differently, so I don't know that it's valid for any one person to comment on what another person is feeling or remembers feeling. I've been told I have a high pain tolerance by several healthcare professionals, but it's all subjective, isn't it? Whatever pain YOU feel is the pain you feel, and it's valid. I'm sorry that it's still causing you distress and your family is not being sympathetic!


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Celticqueen* 
Then again, I did have pitocin and I don't know what "natural ones" feel like. Perhaps it's different?

-Caitrin

Well, I've had both (first labor was spontaneous, second was induced for Pre-E) and I'll give you this much - Pitocin contractions SUCK a lot more than spontaneous, natural ones.


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

Then again, I did have pitocin and I don't know what "natural ones" feel like. Perhaps it's different?
Totally, totally, totally different in my experiences. My Pitocin experience was the WORST, out of control pain whereas my natural, homebirth labors weren't even close to touching the horror of my Pit-induced labor. I'm serious. There was no way anyone could have convinced me that I'd ever have another baby if you'd asked me during the first two years after my first was born. Within hours of having my second baby---I actually said, "I can't wait to do that again." Not to say there wasn't pain or parts where I thought I couldn't handle it...not like that at all. Just an entirely different type of pain. If you check out the Mothering Magazine links that are in the top of the forum, there's a great article about "Ecstatic Birth" which talks about the hormonal blueprint for labor and how messing with the process can be so detrimental to mama and baby...

And you are SO not a loser


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
Pitocin contractions SUCK a lot more than spontaneous, natural ones.

Totally! I've had 2 spontanous labors and 1 w/pitocin and that one by far was the worst.


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## lotus.blossom (Mar 1, 2005)

So not a loser! I didn't intend for you to feel that way!

I'd hate to have to feel what a pit induced contraction felt like. I had a posterier asynclitic baby who was pressing on my sacrum so hard that I didn't even hardly feel contractions in my belly.

I hope that you will be able to process your pain so that you can fulfill you desires for more children. Have you read Birthing from Within? Its in my library of books but I haven't quite cracked it open yet.


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## Veritaserum (Apr 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Celticqueen* 
Then again, I did have pitocin and I don't know what "natural ones" feel like. Perhaps it's different?

Oh, my, yes! Pitocin is evil. *shudder* My first was a pitocin-induced birth and it was really rough even before I got an epidural at 4 cm. With my next three I used hypnosis and for the most part was quite comfortable.







Spontaneous labor is much easier in my experience!


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

a memory for me as well. intellectually i know it hurt, but the moment my babies were out, the pain, its impact, were gone completely!


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

I had a first birth that I found traumatic (although it was an uncomplicated homebirth) and I remember thinking the same thing. I could conjure the pain up very easily for a long time! With my second birth (a very natural UC), I really did forget about the pain fast. Really, really fast. I remember being freaked and hurting in transition, but very quickly forgot anything about what it felt like.


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## tankgirlhi (Apr 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kerrie* 
My last baby was born just over 2 years ago and I'm having to really concentrate to even kind of remember how much it hurt. I *know* it really hurt but it's more of a memory that I have to work hard to remember than something that I can feel. If you had asked this 2 years ago, I certainly could have remembered every contraction and just how much it hurt. How old is your baby? I'm sure there are people out there that don't forget or that time does not dull the memory.

I feel the same way even after 65 hrs of labor and many of them with painful back labor. I know i made it through that so I know I can do anything and I can't wait to again. (Even though I have made up my mind things will be different next time around)


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## KariM (Mar 13, 2004)

I was so sure afterward I would *never* forget the pain. Well....it's kinda blurry now 3 years later.

I'm starting to plan the new babe's birth and trying to remember *why* I have this distinct memory of it being so painful and I can't recall any specifics at all. Just a loose, "It hurt!"

I was considering using hypnobabies or a birth tub, or some other relief method, but now since I honestly can't recall the specifics I wonder if it's worth the investment. Yeah, I know I'll be in pain for another 15 hours or so, but if I can't really remember it much later on, is it so bad after all?


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

The first day or two after each birth I remembered the pain vividly. Now I remember that there was pain, but it's just mental. I can't honestly say I remember it any real way. I remember thinking that it was very intense and it hurt a lot. But I remember the thought, not the pain.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

It's been 4.5 years since I gave birth.

I remember the pain VIVIDLY.

I have never met any mother who doesn't remember exactly what the pain was like.


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## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I have never met any mother who doesn't remember exactly what the pain was like.

well, count me as your first. I know there was pain, but I couldn't tell you what the pain was like (other than intense) or what it felt like / where.







:


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## AugustLia23 (Mar 18, 2004)

My son is not quite _3 weeks old_, and I can't really remember the actual feeling of the contractions OR the birth of his head/body. I know that it hurt, and at the time I was trying desperately to get away from the pain, but I can't remember hardly at all what the actual feeling was. I couldn't after the last birth either. Both labors were around 29 hours long. I love my amnesia...


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## paphia (Jun 22, 2007)

For the first few months after giving birth, I could recall the intensity of labor so clearly that my heart would race and I would feel panicky. I would also have intense, disturbed dreams of giving birth at the hospital while it was on fire, and having a very small baby and being yelled at by my doctor for not waiting long enough before I got pg again, or being stuck in the pushing phase and not being able to get the baby out.

I think it's just best to give yourself time. Eight months isn't terribly long to forget the memory of the pain, especially if you were given drugs that interfered with the pain/endorphin feedback loop. You probably *did* experience more intense pain than a lot of natural births. Mine personally was not induced and the only stress to me were all the strangers around me at the hospital and I did not have a lot of pain at all, just intensity. And it did take me several (say 5 or 6) months before I really felt like it hadn't just happened the day before.

I would second the recommendation to looking into some birth therapy. I have _Birthing From Within_ and while I don't have a lot of negative experiences or resentment to deal with (though I do have some), I am looking forward to using the book to help me let go of that so I can have my next birth be free of any unresolved issues from last time.


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## paphia (Jun 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
It's been 4.5 years since I gave birth.

I remember the pain VIVIDLY.

I have never met any mother who doesn't remember exactly what the pain was like.

My doula made an interesting comment that she did forget the pain after a while... Until she was in labor again! And then it all came back to her very quickly, and she wondered how in the world she had gotten herself into it all over again. So even if the memory fades for some, it is not gone really.


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## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I have never met any mother who doesn't remember exactly what the pain was like.

well, count me as your first. I know there was pain, but I couldn't tell you what the pain was like (other than intense) or what it felt like / where.







:


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## mtnsunshinemama (Sep 21, 2004)

I do remember that it was intense and mentally challenging, but I don't remember the feeling of pain at all. I mostly remember it being really amazing! No pitocin, here.


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## Therese's Mommy (Jan 15, 2005)

I think every woman is different. For me, I dread pregnancy. I never feel all that great the whole time. I am not one of those women who say "I always feel my healthiest when pg". Labor and delivery don't bother me that much. I have had 2 inductions. With the first I ended up with an epi after laboring for about 5 hours with VERY intense contractions in my hips. This last one I managed to do without the epi. I was in labor for 7 hours, again with the crazy contractions that I felt primarily in my hips. My baby was 9+ lbs. It hurt pretty bad at the time, but I have a high tolerance of pain, so I guess it just doesn't bother me that much. Now, 9+ months of pregnancy...I don't look forward to that, but I do hope to have many more children.


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## babybugmama (Apr 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamamidwife* 

i also believe that traumatic births (be it the surprise of pain or things that were done to us, how we were violated) will keep that pain at the forefront. you're not a loser - I would just encourage you to see someone who works with women's issues to get past your anger. it really helped me.









I think this is very true. My first labor was awful and traumatic and I think it was because of my fear and anxiety. It was so intense that four years later when I was facing giving birth with my second that I worried about my ability to cope. But I did a lot of prep work on relaxation and breathing and mental control of the anxiety and you know what? My second labor was absolutely NOTHING like my first. It was intense and the pushing was painful...but the labor was not painful, just very intense. I definitely reccomend working through the trauma....

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paphia* 
My doula made an interesting comment that she did forget the pain after a while... Until she was in labor again! And then it all came back to her very quickly, and she wondered how in the world she had gotten herself into it all over again. So even if the memory fades for some, it is not gone really.

I did not find this to be true for myself....


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

The memory has become much less vivid over time. At the beginning I could remember it all in detail. Two years later I can remember but its not as detailed.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

I remember the pain as well, but it was a pitocin induction. yikes. yeah, I haven't forgotten!


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

At 8 months my memory as still pretty vivid. Around my daugther's first birthday the emotions were massive!

Now, at more than two years I remember my descriptions of the pain, I remember how my screams sounded, but the actual sensation is very very dulled. Of course I'm still dreading having to live through it again!

But I would definitely give it longer for the trauma to ease. I'd also avoid writing a birth story yet, unless you need to work through things.


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## DoomaYula (Aug 22, 2006)

I don't remember much of my first birth at all. I remember feeling more SCARED than in pain -- I was young and single and I was giving birth to twins in a hospital and there were a zillion people in the room giving me instruction and I wanted to tell everyone to stfu and leave me alone to do my body's thing!

My second birth, I recall I was in more pain than the first one, but I honestly can't tell you what it felt like, where I felt it, or why. But in the birth video I don't look to thrilled and at some point I say to the camera, "This is really HARD."


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I remember the pain, but only once the Pitocin was started. I don't really remember the pain before then. They started Pitocin around 4cm b/c I wasn't progressing fast enough.







: I had a 23 hour labor, which started with my water breaking. I have to agree, Pitocin is pure evil. Its been almost 2 years since I delivered dd, and I still remember those darn Pitocin contractions. Before Pitocin was started, I remember I was able to deal with the pain, even though it was pretty bad, it was still tolerable. Pitocin contractions were just intolerable. It is making me fear labor a lot more this time. (I am due Nov/Dec) After my experience, I am anti-Pitocin.


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## Ackray (Feb 11, 2004)

While I have no trauma or long lasting problems from labor, I remember the quality of the pain. OMG! I never knew something could feel like that. Labor HURTS but not like any other pain I've ever had.


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 

I have never met any mother who doesn't remember exactly what the pain was like.

i remember mind fondly, and not at all "exactly".


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia* 
Totally, totally, totally different in my experiences. My Pitocin experience was the WORST, out of control pain whereas my natural, homebirth labors weren't even close to touching the horror of my Pit-induced labor. I'm serious. There was no way anyone could have convinced me that I'd ever have another baby if you'd asked me during the first two years after my first was born. Within hours of having my second baby---I actually said, "I can't wait to do that again." Not to say there wasn't pain or parts where I thought I couldn't handle it...not like that at all. Just an entirely different type of pain. If you check out the Mothering Magazine links that are in the top of the forum, there's a great article about "Ecstatic Birth" which talks about the hormonal blueprint for labor and how messing with the process can be so detrimental to mama and baby...

And you are SO not a loser









Your post made me happy









Thank you.

-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wannabe* 
At 8 months my memory as still pretty vivid. Around my daugther's first birthday the emotions were massive!

Now, at more than two years I remember my descriptions of the pain, I remember how my screams sounded, but the actual sensation is very very dulled. Of course I'm still dreading having to live through it again!

But I would definitely give it longer for the trauma to ease. I'd also avoid writing a birth story yet, unless you need to work through things.

Then maybe time will dull my memory of the pain?

Hopefully.

But you'd think after 8 months it would be at least a LITTLE dulled.

Nope.

-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GooeyRN* 
I remember the pain, but only once the Pitocin was started. I don't really remember the pain before then. They started Pitocin around 4cm b/c I wasn't progressing fast enough.







: I had a 23 hour labor, which started with my water breaking. I have to agree, Pitocin is pure evil. Its been almost 2 years since I delivered dd, and I still remember those darn Pitocin contractions. Before Pitocin was started, I remember I was able to deal with the pain, even though it was pretty bad, it was still tolerable. Pitocin contractions were just intolerable. It is making me fear labor a lot more this time. (I am due Nov/Dec) After my experience, I am anti-Pitocin.

This is also an encouraging post.

Thank you much









-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
It's been 4.5 years since I gave birth.

I remember the pain VIVIDLY.

I have never met any mother who doesn't remember exactly what the pain was like.

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

People like you make me happy









-Caitrin


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I gave birth 363 days ago (sniff, sniff!), Pitocin induced. I know it hurt, I know it was extremely intense and very fast, I remember the feeling of dilating and readying and baby moving downt he birth canal, and I know my mind went to LaborLand to cope with the intensity and pain... but I don't remember each and every contraction or the exact pain.

I was ready to do it all over again by about 3 months. DD is high needs, so we'll be waiting at leat another year before actively TTC again!


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## GalateaDunkel (Jul 22, 2005)

I labored naturally at home for 48 hours. It was the worst experience of my life, but I can't recall the physical sensation, just my feelings, thoughts and behavior. Screaming, crying, thrashing, despair because I was not progressing (and ultimately had to transfer). At the time I was dead certain I would not be willing to do it again - I remember that much very strongly, and I'm not going to brush it off as I consider whether to have another.

I remember when it was happening, wondering how humanity could go on if this is what it took. I figure, not that they forgot, but they had no choice because they didn't know about contraception and if they didn't have offspring to help work the land, they would starve.

I am very glad I can't remember exactly what it felt like.


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## ckhagen (Sep 6, 2004)

I've done all three... pit, c-section, and completely uninhibited vbac.

That said, I do remember the hysteria of pit contractions, but they didn't last long because I was given an epidural due to passing out with each contraction at only 2cm dilated because it was so out of control.

I remember the c-section pain so vividly that I don't even like to think about it. My body still recoils (3.5 years later) at the mere mention of it.

My vbac though... amnesia is definitely the word. It's been a year and by the next morning I was saying "omg, I could totally do that again tomorrow, just let me get some sleep first!" I had a 38 hour labor and 1.5 hour pushing stage, but the pain is such a distant memory. I was on cloud nine. I can remember being in pain and thinking it was really horrible, mostly thinking that I just wanted to sleep (I had been awake 54 hours by the time he was born), but I don't "feel" it today like I can the c/s pain.


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Thank you for your replies, everyone.

I am discouraged, however. Looking at most of these posts, it seems that most of you really have "forgotten" the pain and quite frankly, I'm jealous.

-Caitrin


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

`


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Mentally I know it hurt especially dd's pitocin augmented labor. Mostly what I remember being out of control with dd. I dont remember the pain specifically tho.


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
`

Great...

-Caitrin


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 

I have never met any mother who doesn't remember exactly what the pain was like.

I think you've met quite a few actually by reading this thread...because.....

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Therese's Mommy* 
I think every woman is different.
<snip>
It hurt pretty bad at the time, but I have a high tolerance of pain, so I guess it just doesn't bother me that much.









: - I actually think discussions of pain are kind of futile as no two people will experience things the same. Those of us with higher pain tolerances aren't "better" or "stronger" than those with low pain tolerances, we're just....different, because we're built different. I did my Pit labor with just a small shot of Nubain at about 6 cm to take the edge off because I was becoming too distracted by the pain to manage the contractions, but didn't want an epidural to completely numb me. I know my limits, and I reached my limit and needed help. That does not make me weak, it makes me smart.







I did my spontaneous labor unmedicated. I have a dear friend who had a spontaneous labor and had an epidural at 3 cm because she was in agony and couldn't take it anymore and was hysterical. Am I a "better" woman than her? Hardly. She was able to push her baby out vaginally; I wasn't able to get either of mine out vaginally. Is she a better woman than me because of that? I'll flatten anyone who claims she is







:. It's the wonderful variety of life that makes us experience things differently. How boring if we all went through everything the same way as everyone else.

I want to HEARTILY endorse you getting a book or some therapy to process your birth, because while you feeling your pain your way is totally normal, I think that remembering it so vividly this long after means that you need to work through it, especially if you want to have more children. I know a couple women who went to therapists for birth trauma and it seems to have helped them quite a bit.

And as for family members who are dismissive, I would say something very direct like, "It was very painful and vivid for me and still is, and it hurts me that you're dismissing my feelings. Please don't do it again."


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I had a painful labor. I was blindsided by how much pain it was, honestly. (And, I had attended lots of births and seen lots of women in pain). I would rank my labor as being the most painful thing *ever* , in the whole world. I got an epidural, it didn't work well, blah, blah, and I ended up with a c-section. The whole works.

But, now, at a year later, I still know that I hurt, I remember crying "please tell me I won't die" throughout labor, and I remember thinking that it was horrible pain. But, the memory of the actual pain isn't as fresh. I'd do it again. Tomorrow. I can't close my eyes nad feel the pain again. It's more of a blur of pain all mushed together.


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## stacim (Dec 9, 2006)

I just had this conversation with a neighbor a few days ago. I have 4 kids, 11, 8, 5, and almost 2. I never agreed with the statement that you forget the pain. It has definitely faded over time, but not forgotten. However, I never found the "memory" to be enough to keep me from doing it again, otherwise I wouldn't have four kids. I haven't had exceptionally difficult labor/deliveries, but they haven't been quick and easy either.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. It is definitely worth the reward!

~Staci


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Yup, all different experiences. I had one natural home / water birth. It was definitely the most painful thing I ever experienced, but then again I've never really experienced that much pain before (no kidney stones, no broken bones, etc.). The pain faded 1 year after the birth. 8 months after the birth, I still thought of birth and said NO FREAKING WAY am I doing that again! And 4 months after that, I realized I could (or at least had enough amnesia to think I could, lol). My DH is amazed at that (he is still kind of traumatized, lol).

It's funny because when I think of contractions, I literally cannot remember how they felt. Literally.

But what's really funny is, that I had an unusual third stage - took 3 hours to birth the placenta. The third stage was really painful for me. The midwife eventually had me sit on a birthing stool to help things along, and as soon as I sat down (on a big tear, I might add) I had a contraction, very painful. She had me keep doing that to stimulate contractions. I remember how THAT felt!!!!!!! It's really odd.

So maybe there's something about unnatural contractions... because the contractions I had that were induced by the pain of purposely hurting my tear (I needed about 60 stitches) were just not natural!! Likewise with the pitocin contractions.


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

I have intense pain memories because the pain was really bad; surprisingly bad, and went on for many hours. I ended up with mild PTSD. It is not something that I can forget.

I no longer have body memories or visceral memories of the pain, but sometimes something will remind me and I'll remember what it felt like. At the very least, I still have deep conscious and intellectual recollection of the pain.

I believe this is at least in part because of the duration and excruciating, mind-bending level of pain I was experiencing for hours and hours. It was extremely painful and while I'm no stranger to physical pain (and have quite a high pain tolerance), I was surprised and I feel that surprise caused the traumatic elements of the pain to be more firmly lodged in my memory.

I also believe that if the really bad part (8 out of 21 hours of labor) had been shorter, say 1-2 hours, I wouldn't have a strong recollection of it. I dealt with it well, but it wore me down incredibly.


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
I think you've met quite a few actually by reading this thread...because.....








: - I actually think discussions of pain are kind of futile as no two people will experience things the same. Those of us with higher pain tolerances aren't "better" or "stronger" than those with low pain tolerances, we're just....different, because we're built different. I did my Pit labor with just a small shot of Nubain at about 6 cm to take the edge off because I was becoming too distracted by the pain to manage the contractions, but didn't want an epidural to completely numb me. I know my limits, and I reached my limit and needed help. That does not make me weak, it makes me smart.







I did my spontaneous labor unmedicated. I have a dear friend who had a spontaneous labor and had an epidural at 3 cm because she was in agony and couldn't take it anymore and was hysterical. Am I a "better" woman than her? Hardly. She was able to push her baby out vaginally; I wasn't able to get either of mine out vaginally. Is she a better woman than me because of that? I'll flatten anyone who claims she is







:. It's the wonderful variety of life that makes us experience things differently. How boring if we all went through everything the same way as everyone else.

I want to HEARTILY endorse you getting a book or some therapy to process your birth, because while you feeling your pain your way is totally normal, I think that remembering it so vividly this long after means that you need to work through it, especially if you want to have more children. I know a couple women who went to therapists for birth trauma and it seems to have helped them quite a bit.

And as for family members who are dismissive, I would say something very direct like, "It was very painful and vivid for me and still is, and it hurts me that you're dismissing my feelings. Please don't do it again."

NAK

Thank you for your heart felt thoughts.

I think I do need trauma therapy. And PRAYER.

-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Therese's Mommy* 
It hurt pretty bad at the time, but I have a high tolerance of pain, so I guess it just doesn't bother me that much.

And then there's me that screams bloody murder yelling "help me" while sobbing uncontrollably...

From a broken wrist.

Great.

-Caitrin


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Celticqueen* 
THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

People like you make me happy









-Caitrin

Caitrin,

you obviously had a very traumatic birth









and i think to some extent focusing on the pain and seeking confirmation that others were disturbed by the level of pain, is healthy and natural, and needed--for healing.

however it seems that you aren't happy to see stories of women who exprienced even very painful births differently, and who feel empowered.

every birth is different, and the chances are great that your next labour and birth will be very different--rewarding, empowering, even if still painful. but you need to let this happen. you need to embrace your experience, and the future pain, and see that it doesn't have to be all negative. i see so much negativity about your labour/birth in your posts. but what was beautiful about the birht? what do you remember fondly? how often do you think about this, rather than being in the cycle of bad memories only?

healing vibes


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annabanana* 
however it seems that you aren't happy to see stories of women who exprienced even very painful births differently, and who feel empowered.

Exactly. I'm quite jelous of them.








:

-Caitrin


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

I guess it depends on the person. After giving birth, I feel like nothing happened at all. I literally forget it. I can look back and say, yeah, that was painful, or ds' labor was the more horrendous, but my body forgets the pain.


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## Adele_Mommy (Jun 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Celticqueen* 
And then there's me that screams bloody murder yelling "help me" while sobbing uncontrollably...

From a broken wrist.

Great.

-Caitrin

I "forgot" the pain of giving birth relatively quickly: within a few days. However, I don't think I have a particularly high pain tolerance. I fractured my pelvis in a car accident in 1996 (I gave birth in 2000) and my memories of these two very painful events are dramatically and qualitatively different. I can remember the fact that I was in pain giving birth, but not what it actually felt like. I can remember exactly what the pain of my fractured pelvis felt like. Also, there was no time-telescoping with the broken bone: I can remember every second of the struggle from the taxi I took home from the hospital to my house (and yes I was crying). Giving birth I labored for about 11 hours counting pushing, but I don't have memories of nearly that much time passing.

I gave birth at home with no pitocin and no pain-relief drugs. It sounds like pitocin does make contractions much harder to bear. I have heard that any sort of pharmaceutical pain-relief interferes with the "forgetting" that people talk about regarding childbirth pain. I am wondering if other medical interventions might interfere as well. This is not to say you shouldn't get pain-relief or other medical intervention - just something to be aware of.

Celticqueen: I don't think you should assume that you as an individual can't or don't "forget" the pain of childbirth. I would assume your experience was specific to that one particular birth. You might have a completely different experience the next time. Birthing from Within is a really good book for overcoming a previous traumatic birth experience and dealing with fears of giving birth including fears of pain. I really do believe our bodies are designed to be able to do this without excessive trauma, including yours. Good luck!


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## Redifer (Nov 25, 2006)

I'm with Adele.. I forgot the pain very quickly.. within a few days. Even now, 4 months pp, I can remember BEING in pain, I can remember the thoughts I had while I WAS in pain.. but if you were to ask me to describe what my contractions felt like, what crowning felt like, what my 2nd degree tear felt like.. I would be unable to tell you.

I've actually sat and tried to recall the exact sensation. All I come up with is menstrual cramp-feelings and tingling/itching near my peri.

My mother said the same thing; she had both my sister and I with no drugs. "As soon as you were out, and I heard your voice, it all melted away. I couldn't remember for the life of me what the experience felt like."

So maybe it isn't just me, it's what my mother had told me LONG before I got pregnant? That it's almost like.. I don't want to say brainwashing, but because it's what I expected and what I knew to be true, it became so?


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## hubris (Mar 8, 2003)

I won't say that I agree/disagree with the general statement that women forget the pain...but I can say that it was true for ME, for my two unmedicated births.

There was a moment, just seconds after my first son was born, when the thought popped into my head that I could absolutely not remember what a pushing contraction felt like. I thought it was strange, and I also thought it was strange that I was having that thought! I mean, intellectually, I knew, but I had no physical/emotional memory of that sensation. My memories of that whole labor, which was long and hard, are really fuzzy. Nicely so. Now, I *do* remember the fear surrounding his birth - I had a long pushing stage and after 3 hours my MW called in the OB, who was a total biotch who wanted to go straight to c/section and created this horrible atmosphere of fear. THAT I remember clearly, and it was traumatic. But the contractions, no.

When I went into labor with DS2 I had a moment of recognition, like "oh, yeah, this is what it feels like". Again, as soon as he was out, the memory of the contractions was gone. We're talking mere seconds after his birth. And after that birth, I had an endorphin high that lasted for hours.


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## doulakris (Jul 26, 2005)

I did not even start to forget the pain of my son's birth until a month ago, and he just turned 2. I did have a traumatic experience, and was just so disappointed with how it went. I went to talk to a counselor, and it really helped. The thing that helped most was her telling me that its okay to not be "over it." And that there is no right amount of time that people are supposed to take to heal from the experience. I also realized that all births are different. Some people have easy, fast induced labors. Some people have very difficult natural births. Some people have births that are fast and appear easy but still traumatize the mother. Everyone's experiences are different. But it took 2 years for me to emotionally heal to the point that I don't exactly remember it anymore. But it used to really frustrate me when people said, "oh, you'll forget and do it again." Recently I was finally able to put my feelings about this into words. When people say that, its like if someone said to someone who has just been raped: "oh, you'll forget, and then you'll walk in dark alleys again."

***Just for the record, I don't mean to compare rape to childbirth, it's just an example of something that can also traumatize women. I also in no way think that women only get raped in dark alleys. Its just a comparison of how inappropriate those comments can be to someone who is healing.


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## lifescholar (Nov 26, 2006)

I remember the pain very, very well. I also can't WAIT to do it again!









I made it through 54 hours of labour (49 before getting an epidural for exhaustion), to birth my perfect little boy from my body, what could be more inspiring?

I know SO much more about birth now, and I feel quite confident that my future births will be much shorter, much less painful, and much more peaceful. But, I would gladly go through another 54-hour induction to bring another child into the world. No problem!


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## riverside knitter (Jun 26, 2007)

A good friend who birthed naturally said that you don't so much forget the pain as you can't _describe_ the pain. I'm pregnant with my first, so it remains to be seen...


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## sagelove (May 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kerrie* 
My last baby was born just over 2 years ago and I'm having to really concentrate to even kind of remember how much it hurt. I *know* it really hurt but it's more of a memory that I have to work hard to remember than something that I can feel.

This pretty much sums it up for me, except substitute 2 months for 2 years.

I remember the labor process as being very intense--excruciating at times--but cannot seem to re-create in my mind now the pain and sensations that I felt then. This "forgetting" started to happen several days after the birth.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hubris* 
I won't say that I agree/disagree with the general statement that women forget the pain...but I can say that it was true for ME, for my two unmedicated births.

I mean, intellectually, I knew, but I had no physical/emotional memory of that sensation. My memories of that whole labor, which was long and hard, are really fuzzy. Nicely so.
....
When I went into labor with DS2 I had a moment of recognition, like "oh, yeah, this is what it feels like". Again, as soon as he was out, the memory of the contractions was gone. We're talking mere seconds after his birth. And after that birth, I had an endorphin high that lasted for hours.









:

I can describe intellectually (and did, in my birth stories) the sensation, the change from labor cx to pushing cx, the feeling of the urge to push. But the pain of it is almost impossible to bring to mind.

But when I went into labor with #2, the first stab in my back and my brain said "That! That's the sensation!! There it is!!"

With #1, the endorphins of pushing were so fizzy and so powerful that I could have danced around the room, and had to be reminded that I might not want to get up just yet. #2 came much quicker (and later at night) so I wasn't quite so perky, but both times the pain *quickly* became more of a memory of the *idea* of pain rather than any actual pain.

(However, I also, right after the fact both times, thought "That wasn't nearly as bad as I'd been led to expect it *could* be. That wasn't the worst pain I've ever been in.")


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Completely forgotten!

My kids are 13, 12 and 10!


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## momovthree (Feb 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Celticqueen* 
Then again, I did have pitocin and I don't know what "natural ones" feel like. Perhaps it's different?

-Caitrin

Oh yeah, it is very different! I think pitocin contractions are impossible to stay on top of, the natural ones were a bit easier to deal with....still very painful though.


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## mom-e (Sep 28, 2005)

After I gave birth, I was in shock. The word that came to mind was traumatizing. (This story does have a happy ending!  ) I remembered it well & for a long time & of course w/ pictures was able to torture myself regularly to keep the memories fresh, but then other life problems cropped up & became more important & took my focus off of the pain. I don't consciously remember now, but if I try, sure, it all comes back. I first gave birth almost 2 years ago. I'm going to again in March. When I first became pregnant this second time, I started having these scary pains in my legs, the same pains I had all through labor--never during that first pregnancy, just the labor. I do believe that the body remembers & records everything, that we re-create patterns over & over again that get played out disguised in different sceneries, etc. I think part of the reason I had this pre-labor labor pain is partly because of this belief that the body remembers. The other reason I think the pains came back was b/c I wasn't thru processing the experience.
The pains have gone away now but yeah, they scared me--I mean, was I going to feel like I was in labor for 9 or so months in addition to the actual labor?! The interesting thing for me is--while the physical pain was unpleasant & of course, intensely painful, it was the emotions that came with the pain that really threatened me & in turn, controlled the pain. I instantly was back in that self-punishment mode, feeling disappointed in myself for being so tired & punking out, as I was calling it at the time. I labored for 15 hours total, 4 of that pushing, at home, no drugs---really a pretty amazing thing, not ever considering the beliefs about birth & life that I accepted my whole life up until about 5-6 months of pregnancy. I really beat up on myself during birth, all in the name of putting the baby's comfort first supposedly....whatever. "I had prepared myself. I read Birthing from Within & I did the visual opening up exercies. I relaxed! I had lots of support. I had no reason to be having this much trouble opening up! & on & on & much worse"--these are the things I was saying. I had unreasonable expectations; well, to have had any at all may have been the mistake for me! 
However, once I named those feelings during this pregnancy, really let myself feel as scared as I wanted to, as mad at myself as I could, I realized how silly I was. For me, letting myself go emotionally whereever I want (outloud & by myself) W/OUT judging myself & then doing a sort of reality check at the end is so therapeutic. For me a reality check means saying, "So, THIS is how you really feel? Do you REALLY believe this?" & I have to admit, "No, not really." Then b/c I've gone to SUCH extremes to torment myself, it's pretty easy to laugh at myself. The other thing I do is to say, would I ever ever ever say these things to someone else? Then why the **** would I say them to me!? The yucky feelings were gone almost instantly & so were those pains!
I guess what I'm getting at & what others have been saying too is that the pain might be a mask for the emotional pain you're in. It's very natural to experience physical pain to mask dealing with whatever emotions you're dealing with. I mean, you fall--are you really hurt or are you thinking "stupid stupid me!" b/c "stupid stupid me" talk will definitely cause you some pain & then the body will remember that thought the next time you have pain & so on. I would also suggest looking into some flower essences--I can recommend some specific ones for releasing different kinds of emotional pain, as well as some interesting therapies like defusion or Barbara Brennan Energy Work, both of which I can also talk more about if you're interested. Don't know if I can post that here & now, so I won't unless asked.

I think next time is already going to be better. You clearly want it to be better, tell yourself it will be so. When you're not doing self-therapy, try to say only what you want to be in stead of what you don't want. Lots of love & hugs to you. Tell yourself you love you! That's your most important job! ...E.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

I remember the pain very clearly and my DD is 3.5. I had a very long, traumatic posterior labor, though.

If I am being honest, I describe the pain as being like being hit in the back with a baseball bat every 3 minutes for 20+ hours. That's really how it felt. There was none of this "achey menstrual cramping" business. (I didn't feel a contraction in my abdomen till she was born and I had afterpains!). Bone hitting bone--that was how it felt. IT SUCKED. Yes, far worse than anything else I have ever experienced.

Quote:

I also believe that if the really bad part (8 out of 21 hours of labor) had been shorter, say 1-2 hours, I wouldn't have a strong recollection of it. I dealt with it well, but it wore me down incredibly.
This may be true for me, too. My labor was 34 hours and of those 34, at least 18-20 were intensely, horribly painful. That's a long time.

I am still planning another med-free birth, but by God, if this baby is posterior, I will do whatever it takes to turn him/her.


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## knopka (Mar 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamamidwife* 
well, count me as your first. I know there was pain, but I couldn't tell you what the pain was like (other than intense) or what it felt like / where.







:

I am going to be the second one. I forgot all the pain completely the moment I saw my baby. I had two pitocin/epidural births and this was my first natural birth in a free standing birth center and I was really scared and not sure how I was going to handle it. I did prepare myself for the pain and I was really "welcoming" contractions thinking that the stonger they get the sooner I'll see my baby. I remember thinking "I cannot do it anymore" and screaming but I don't remember actual pain. I find it is really strange but it is true. I am actually looking forward to another natural birth as it was such a great experience for me.


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## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Celticqueen* 
Who here agrees/disagrees with the statement "forgetting the pain" and do explain WHY?


I 'forgot' it every time. Of course I didn't forget that it hurt but, yes, I have forgotten the pain.
With #1 I forgot the pain immediately.
With #2 I forgot the pain but not the trauma (hospital)
With #3 I forgot the pain immediately.
After #4 the pain was very vivid for a few weeks.
With #5 I forgot it enough to say that I would do it again









Keri


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## thebarkingbird (Dec 2, 2005)

i never forgot but it gradually became less important to me. at the time i was having weird thoughts about the nature of time. i was remembering milton and some protestant sermons about eternity in hell and in one dilluded moment asked my BF if this was it. it was outside of time, like a bad acid trip. i had a 3 hour all back labor no space between contractions labor in a hospital where the staff kept telling me they wouldn't let my boyfriend in until i "behaved myself" and quieted down. it was like being stabbed in the back for hours straight and sometimes i couldn't feel. things just went white.

i immidetly had a rush of endorphins when it was time to push. didn't feel the pain at all. when the baby came out nothing hurt. it was a great high. then he got sick and nothing mattered but being with him.

i had flashbacks to the pain for a while but mostly it had to do with the lack of empathy from the staff. i would encourage any woman who experienced a traumatic birth to seek therapy or at least talk it through with someone. for me it was very much like rape. lots of pain and doctors doing stuff w/ my express lack of consent.

in the end, i knew it was kind of a freak occurance so i don't fear it happening again (that's post therapy)


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## milkmamma (Aug 20, 2007)

I don't think that the pain of it is what matters. You wouldn't go back and not do it. Look at it as your battle to motherhood, your stretch marks as your scars. I feel proud of myself that I was able to it. If you can do that and survive you can do anything.

I had two natural, drug free labors. I just had ds2 in May and to tell you the truth, the thought of ever doing THAT again makes me want to vomit...and in the scheme of things I had two easy labors (5 hours w/ds1 and 45 minutes w/ds2). The labors were INTENSE but are now a bit of a blur. I think the memory of it does tend to fade, although it came rushing back to me in a vividly stark picture when I saw the 2 lines on the pregnancy test for ds2!


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

The memory of the pain of childbirth vanished within minutes for me. The memory of my tailbone snapping.. now THAT has stayed with me. But nothing else..

Edited to add: I had three natural births. The first one unfortunately augmented with Pitocin but no pain meds. I even forgot the pain of Pitocin contractions. And let me tell you... no one warned me about those... LOL Less than 5 minutes after the births I said each time.. "I'd do that again."


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

I forget the pain for the first few months after baby but can vaugely remember in retrospect. The memories of my first birth are much more vivid (pitocin induction). It felt like I was being torn apart. Horrible, I wanted to die.

My second natural birth paled in conparison. I remember the pain but also remember being more in control and "safer".


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## danotoyou2 (Jan 19, 2007)

Well, everyone's going to hate me, but... 15 *days* after giving birth, I don't remember the pain! But, I felt that way about 15 minutes after giving birth too! I commented to my MW and others right after the birth that it wasn't very painful... at all. Is that weird? Maybe so.

First birth: pitocin induced, no pain meds, 20-some hours of magnesium sulfate laden labor, ending in a c-section under general. I didn't find the contractions THAT bad during that labor, but the recovery from the c-section was excruciating.

Second birth: 3 days of start-and-stop labor, ending in a waterbirth/VBAC. It'd been a looong labor, but the final transition and pushing stage went pretty fast. No drugs whatsoever. I would describe crowning as pain, but the rest was just intense pressure and the biggest workout of my life. It's called labor because it's really hard work! But... no pain.

Even the crowning pain wasn't that bad. Maybe moderate. I've had sciatic pain that hurt worse.

I really feel bad for the women who have such traumatic, painful births. I don't know why mine was different, because I'm really a wuss the rest of the time (ask my husband!). The only thing I can think of is that I didn't EXPECT it to hurt.

Okay, now I'm rambling...


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## jsnv (Jan 2, 2007)

I remember my 3rd in GREAT detail. Super fast labor and a 9lb 11 ounces baby. I'm pg again and more scared this time then any other time.

My 2nd~ nice, peaceful 3 hour waterbirth. Somewhat blurry on the pain details.

My 1st~induced, epidural, 3 hours and 45 minutes of pushing. Yucky experience and very clear on the details.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

You know, even though I said that I remember the pain VIVIDLY (which I do) I want to clarify that I don't think that memory is a bad thing. I don't feel traumatized by the memory of the pain. I'm glad I can remember it. Why wouldn't I want to?

Yeah, it hurt like hell. It hurt worse than anything I've ever experienced in my life. But it's over now. It's not like remembering it is as tough as actually experiencing it. And the two times I gave birth were two of the most amazing days of my life.

Not that I'd want to do it a third time, though.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

I don't remember a thing, i know something hurt like heck, to the point of me being delerious before they stopped my contractions and gave me an epidural, but i remember none of that and barely remember giving birth.

now, my gall bladder and post surgery pain, that i remember.


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## lachingona1 (May 16, 2007)

After my first one and 42 hrs of labor I really didn't want to do that again. I remembered the pain and the whole experience (natural hospital birth) quite vividly for awhile. My second one was a 3 hr and 45 min extremely intense labor (home birth) I had said right after that I don't want to ever do that again! I have forgotten the pain (it has only been 8 weeks) and it is just a memory. That is what our bodies to do trick us into having another baby.


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## SheBear (Aug 19, 2003)

Haven't read the whole thread, but as to the OP....I agree that it's a joke! I certainly did not forget the pain of labor! All three of my babies have been posterior back/butt/leg labor (never have felt much of anything up front!) and all have been unmedicated.

I definitely have not forgotten the sensation of labor....for me, rather, it just wasn't important once the baby was born, KWIM? Sure, it hurt like hell.....for awhile. But once the birth was over, so was the pain of birth., sure there was residual discomfort while I was healing, but the pains didn't continue.

So, for me, while I can remember the power and intensity of those contractions, that ring of fire, the almost inevitable sense at one point or another that I _could not do it for one more second_...while none of that is forgotten or dulled or anything, it also holds no fear for me, thus no power over me.

Yep, I fully expect this birth will hurt just as much as the others. I have no reason to think it won't be another back labor; in spite of all my efforts to the contrary, that seems to be the way my body does birth. It will hurt, but I will overcome it, just like I have before. Because I am strong, and I will be surrounded by strong, supportive people who will share their strength with me!


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## Brisen (Apr 5, 2004)

I can remember the pain, quite clearly. However, my births weren't traumatic, and I was able to keep "on top" on the ctx for most of my labour with each one. I remember the ring of fire and boy do I remember afterpains, but it wasn't so bad that I'm not willing to do it again, if that makes sense.

I always kind of thought that that was what the saying meant -- the importance of the pain faded away, but you could still remember what it was like. It's interesting for me to read so many women say they can't remember what it felt like.


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## ericswifey27 (Feb 12, 2005)

I still haven't gotten over the trauma of the first birth, and that was 3 1/2 years ago. The pain of the second birth, which I know intellectually was pretty much just as bad, is a distant memory-although it was just 3 months ago.

Could it be that you are remembering this pain so vividly because it traumatized you so much?

Oh and just because it's different for you doesn't mean you should feel like a loser! No way, Don't do that to yourself!


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## janellesmommy (Jun 6, 2004)

With my first birth, I remember that the pain was horrific. But I have good memories of that birth. When I was getting ready for my 2nd birth, I got into the empty birth tub when we set it up a week before my due date. I started freaking out, remembering the pain.

My 2nd birth was a lot faster and a lot less painful. But I don't have good memories of that birth for separate reasons.


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

My kids are 4 yrs and 27 months. For me, the idea of the pain has just kind of blurred into the background of my whole memory of the event, if that makes any sense.

With #1 my water broke and I was in hard labor within 10-15 minutes. I remember crying about how much the contractions hurt. I remember vomiting shortly after I got to the hospital because I was sick from the pain. Before they'd let me have the epidural, they wanted me to be dilated to three. The nurse "swept some adhesions" from my cervix and pronounced that now she could call me a three, as if she'd done me some enormous favor. Interestingly, THAT, done unexpectedly and against my will, is one of my very vivid memories of my first birth. It still makes me angry to this day and I remember it more intensely than the contractions. It was intensely painful and I felt violated. In retrospect I should have complained.

With #2, my water didn't break until late labor, so my contractions were very different, and they were irregular as well. I only went into the hospital because I was having some bright red show, and by the time I got there I was settling into a regular pattern (and dilated to six!). Only after my water broke and I hit transition did I then remember how intense my contractions were with my first before the epidural (makes me wonder how fast I would have gone without it). I went without pain medication for this birth, and experienced that euphoria right after.

So, today, I remember hurting A LOT. But it's hard to describe, and it's not enough to deter me from wanting to do it again. However, I had relatively easy births both times, even with the interventions first time around. But like I said, I remember that one cervical check *vividly*, so it makes sense to me that those of you who had extremely traumatic birth experiences might remember things in a different way.

Jen


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## threadbey (May 20, 2007)

This is a great thread. I agree it's a joke (for me, anyway - some women have painless labors, too, but that was not me). Mine was a completely natural, supposedly non-traumatic, homebirth. I was in the worst pain of my life for about 8 hours. There was a long period (thankfully I don't know how long) where the pain didn't go away between contractions. It lessened slightly, but didn't go away. (Yes, I know lots of people have it much worse.)

I did have the high afterwards, but for the first 24 hours I was absolutely convinced I was never having another child (which made me sad). After that, I was willing to consider it as a distant possibilty.

What really got to me was when I read my MW's labor notes at 7 weeks pp. I was interested and enjoying reading them, but started to feel sick to my stomach. I blamed it on too heavy a lunch. But then every time I thought about labor or read a birth story, or even read posts about ways to deal with contractions, I would get cramps and/or feel sick. And, yes, I remembered the pain, and still do, quite clearly.

At this point (6 months later) I am finally not having a physical reaction to the thought of labor most of the time.

I think part of it for me was that I had this deep down feeling that if it hurt so much, I must not have been "handling" it well enough (or that I had painful expectations, even though I thought I didn't, that had set me up for it). So, even though I survived and had a (wonderful!) homebirth like I wanted, I didn't feel very strong. Lately, I've started thinking about it differently - remembering the pain, but also remembering that it was (slightly) easier to deal with (truly, it was) when it got so overwhelming that all I could do was just let it happen. This might make sense only to me, but it has helped me think about the pain less negatively.

I probably will have another child. At this point, the pain of labor is a minor point in that decision (it will be awful, but it will not last terribly long) - I'm a lot more concerned about parenting a toddler while pregnant and parenting a toddler AND a newborn while recovering from childbirth. The experience of the second will determine if there will be a third.









I hope you can get some help dealing with your psychological reaction to the pain memory. You don't have to forget the pain. You just have to find a way to think about it that won't make you feel horrific every time you think about it, kwim?







to you, Caitrin, and to all of you with traumatic birth memories.

ETA: I agree with pp who said you should tell your family quite clearly that talk about forgetting the pain is hurtful to you and that you do not wish to discuss the subject.


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lachingona1* 
That is what our bodies to do trick us into having another baby.

Not for me though.

-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *threadbey* 
This is a great thread. I agree it's a joke (for me, anyway - some women have painless labors, too, but that was not me). Mine was a completely natural, supposedly non-traumatic, homebirth. I was in the worst pain of my life for about 8 hours. There was a long period (thankfully I don't know how long) where the pain didn't go away between contractions. It lessened slightly, but didn't go away. (Yes, I know lots of people have it much worse.)

I did have the high afterwards, but for the first 24 hours I was absolutely convinced I was never having another child (which made me sad). After that, I was willing to consider it as a distant possibilty.

What really got to me was when I read my MW's labor notes at 7 weeks pp. I was interested and enjoying reading them, but started to feel sick to my stomach. I blamed it on too heavy a lunch. But then every time I thought about labor or read a birth story, or even read posts about ways to deal with contractions, I would get cramps and/or feel sick. And, yes, I remembered the pain, and still do, quite clearly.

At this point (6 months later) I am finally not having a physical reaction to the thought of labor most of the time.

I think part of it for me was that I had this deep down feeling that if it hurt so much, I must not have been "handling" it well enough (or that I had painful expectations, even though I thought I didn't, that had set me up for it). So, even though I survived and had a (wonderful!) homebirth like I wanted, I didn't feel very strong. Lately, I've started thinking about it differently - remembering the pain, but also remembering that it was (slightly) easier to deal with (truly, it was) when it got so overwhelming that all I could do was just let it happen. This might make sense only to me, but it has helped me think about the pain less negatively.

I probably will have another child. At this point, the pain of labor is a minor point in that decision (it will be awful, but it will not last terribly long) - I'm a lot more concerned about parenting a toddler while pregnant and parenting a toddler AND a newborn while recovering from childbirth. The experience of the second will determine if there will be a third.









I hope you can get some help dealing with your psychological reaction to the pain memory. You don't have to forget the pain. You just have to find a way to think about it that won't make you feel horrific every time you think about it, kwim?







to you, Caitrin, and to all of you with traumatic birth memories.

ETA: I agree with pp who said you should tell your family quite clearly that talk about forgetting the pain is hurtful to you and that you do not wish to discuss the subject.

I really appreciate this post









-Caitrin


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## Celticqueen (Feb 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *threadbey* 
remembering the pain, but also remembering that it was (slightly) easier to deal with (truly, it was) when it got so overwhelming that all I could do was just let it happen.

I have actually been thinking about that quite a bit lately and you articulated it SO WELL- thank you









What a great way to put it for those of us who still remember the pain!

I have wondered and wondered (since I want to get pregnant in a few months)- WOULD IT INDEED help the pain if, when I was feeling overwhelmed to an utterly high extent, I just "let it happen"? (aka "surrendering"?)

I don't know the answer to this question but I do know it will be extremely hard to "surrender" and "let it happen".

During my labor, my doula said, "Don't fight the contractions!" and I actually said, "But I WANT to fight the contractions!!"










Hopefully, I'll learn not to.

-Caitrin


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