# 8y.o. boy touched my friend's 5y.o. son's privates



## pattigirlny (Nov 26, 2001)

i am as distraught about this as i know my friend must be....she caught her friend's son....8...touching and playing 'the pee pee game' with her lil 5 y.o. i know i have gotten alot of help from these boards....hopefully this can help her out....they were caught in the bathroom while changing out of their bathing suits....her son had said they were playing the pee pee game...the 8y.o. was touching her son's penis and putting his penis near her son's bottom.when the mom walked in...the 8 y.o. quickly jumped into the shower...my friend said she acted very calmy....so as not to overreact and possibly traumatize her son. he told her what happened on the way home.she has always told her son about no one should touch his privates,etc. and when asked what he would do if this ever happened again her son said he liked playing the game...it felt good. so now my friend has to worry about this on top of what had already happenned. i have to wonder if any of this is a stage kids go through....curiosity with one another....but since the other boy had told him 'the pee pee game' makes me strongly wonder why and where he got the term 'game'.that sounds to me like something an older person would say to a young kid....btw,the mom of the 8y.o.had said this happened once before with her son! i am just feeling bad for my friend who has to think of this and worry....maybe someone could give of some insight into this situation.one more thing, her son does'nt seem traumatized nor was he hurt physically....it is just something any mom wishes would never had happened. thank you


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## Mrs_Hos (May 3, 2004)

I have no experience with this other that what I have read...kids do experiment...but I would wonder and worry also. Since the 5 yr old isn't traumatized, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but reiterate that no one is to touch his privates...


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

I think that there *might* be a little cause for concern because of the age difference.
However all in all this is really way normal for small children to play games like this.
I can remember playing "doctor" as a child with another female friend. And another "game" made up with a male friend, I dont remember what we called it, it was something like "the pee pee game".
Most children will explore with other friends and age mates in a perfectly innocent manner.
The problem arises when one of those children may have had some inappropriate education or experience from adults in which it really isnt innocent on both sides. Or if one child is interested in the play and is coercing the other who feels uncomfortable.
Joline


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

If your talking about them "sword fighting" with there penis I think its normal. I remember my cousins doing that stuff when we were little and getting a kick out of it.


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## gardenpoetry (Aug 20, 2003)

OMG, my two oldest boys 7 and 3 play "lightsabers" with their pee. It is hilarious.

Well, honestly, kids experiment. I don't think they truly understand what is going on. They don't understand implications,etc.

I think you handled it well, just reiterate other people not touching privates. Otherwise, I wouldn't re-visit the topic unless he does.


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## beansavi (Jun 26, 2005)

I would agree that if both kids are five, okay. But there is a big difference between an 8 yo boy and a 5 y o , physically, cognitively, etc.


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## gardenpoetry (Aug 20, 2003)

That is very true - forgotten the age difference while I was reading. An 8 yo knows better. My 7 yo doesn't like his 3 yo brother to even see him naked. He's started a new chapter of self-awareness.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

This is one of the things that makes me more upset than anything. Why are people so quick to think its normal for children to touch other children's genitals??? It is NOT normal, it is molestation. It sounds to me as if this 8 year old has been abused especially since he called it a game and also seemed to be trying to simulate anal sex. Yes physically this may feel good to the 5 year old but it is still completely inappropriate. In many cases of child molestation there may be some pleasure involved - it is a normal body response - but that doesn't make it right. I will never, ever believe that touching another child's genitals is okay or just normal exploration. If you average out the female and male statistics approx. 1 out of 4-5 children will have been molested by age 18. That means there are many little children running around who have been abused and will then try to teach another child the "game." Even an 8 year old can be a perpatrator. I would tell your friend to not let her child around this 8 year old unsupervised EVER again. I can't people are actually telling you that you should relay the message to this woman that its all okay. Its NOT okay! Her son was molested and she needs to protect him.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

I agree with heavenly. What the OP describes is not normal. Sure, looking at and laughing about private parts, some exposing/ comments are normal. This situation sounds concerning to me, namely:

--has the 8 y.o. been told not to do this after he did it the other time? if so, it is concerning if he continues to do it
--the 8 y.o. selected a much younger child
--it was done in a secluded area
--the "positioning" they were in-- they weren't just looking and laughing, or having a peeing contest-- they were in the position of a sexual act
--the 8 y.o. jumped away when "caught," indicating he knew this was something unaccaeptable
--the naming of the "game" is a huge red flag. It certainly does sound like something he was taught

I would not let this child play with my child again, period, even if it wrecked the friendship between the mom and me.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly*
If you average out the female and male statistics approx. 1 out of 4-5 children will have been molested by age 18. That means there are many little children running around who have been abused and will then try to teach another child the "game." Even an 8 year old can be a perpatrator.

ITA. Parents are very naive about other kids. They think the only risk of sexual molestation comes from adults. Not so! I realize my kids are just as much at risk around other children, as they are around adults. So I keep a very watchful eye at all times.


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

Only in our society do we consider children immitating adult sexual acts to be molestation.
I agree that molestation does exist and it a horrible crime. HOwever children do get these ideas and do play pretend with each other.
This 8 year old might have been abused sure. He also might have found a dirty magazine in his brothers closet and is curious. (as any child would be)
He is old enough to understand that adults do not respect this curiosity, and so he hides it. (but it doesnt mean he is old enough to "know better" he might have no idea why the adults get all worked up, but is just smart enough to try to avoid it)
Children take off their clothing and get under the covers of a bed and "pretend" soap opera. THey still dont really know what they are doing. They are immiatating mysterious adult acts that they dont understand.

When I was 5 me and a neighborhood boy (I think he might have been 4, it was a LONG time ago) found his dad's dirty magazines in their travel trailor and would take all our clothing off and do all the poses.
Neither of us had ever been molested. We had natural curiosity.
Children in other cultures witness adult sexual acts as a matter of course and they immitate with each other.
Since in our culture it is considered completely unacceptable for children to have any exposure to sexuality or images of sexuality, it is assumed that the only way kids get these ideas is through abuse. But kids still live in our world. They do see the TV, they sometimes walk in on their parents or pick up magazines they werent supposed to see.
By hiding these images we give the idea that these things are shameful and secret. So OBVIOUSLY a child who is showing curiosity would also think it is shameful and secret. Even if they are entirely innocent.
The age difference in this case could be cause for concern. Because it is possible that the 8 year old does know more than the other child, and has the advantage of age and strength.
However the fact is that children DO participate in erotic play with each other. It is also a fact that while we may discourage it , it is not a sign that there is anythign wrong with the child or that they have been molested.
Joline


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Maybe have them spend less time together?


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *johub*
Only in our society do we consider children immitating adult sexual acts to be molestation.

This is just not so! In plenty of societies, children imitating adult sexual behavior is not accepted.

When you start to say this is "normal," you get into a very murky field. What if one child is more aggressive in nature than the other? Older? Are you saying it is impossible for a child to be damaged or scarred from the sexual advances of another child?

She (the OP's friend) needs to find out if this older boy has been told not to do this, and if he persists in doing it. They know there was at least one other time. If this child is consistently behaving this way around other children despite being told not to, there is a problem.


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## Dulcealegria (Apr 12, 2005)

I think your friend is more impressed than her son. In my case, my cousins will play with me, of course I would not tell anyone since I knew it was forbidden. I always felt that I was doing something wrong, but in fact I like that they touch me. If it was my son, I would not let him play with this 8 year old, because the 5 year old does not really know whats going on and you never know what the 8 can do to him. I will let him try to experiment with one of his age, they are still to young, but I can be wrong since my baby is too little.
I think in our occidental society, we are not prepared to see our children play with their sexual parts or even adults, so it is difficult to communicate our feelings. In the case, they are brothers or sisters and they play, well I would think it is the experiemental process that we have to live, but if your friend cannot know what has happen in the life of the 8 y.

My experiences:
- when I was 4 or 5 playing with a 5 or 6, showing our parts, caught by my father. He did not know what to do. I do not even remember.
- when I was 7-10 touching our parts with my cousins 11-14y. As I told you I remember I like that they touch me but, I felt I was doing something wrong, until some years ago that I understood what was happening.
- more or less in the same years with a son of my parents friends also the same age like my cousins.

I think my parents were always near by, but never saw what was going on. We knew it was not allowed, but we will do everything so that the adults did not realize what was we were doing.


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## momma2girls (May 6, 2005)

I'm right there with meowee and heavenly. I find the whole situation extremely disturbing. The five y/o should not only not have unsupervised visits with the 8y/o but I wouldn't even let them see each other again. To blow this off as normal is the WRONG thing to do. I would also seriously consider getting CPS involved. What happened in that bathroom was sexual abuse plain and simple. It will also be regarded as sexual abuse because of the age difference and not something less. The mother of the 5 y/o needs to get her little boy help whether he seems traumatized or not. He also needs to be closely watched so that he might not be trying to play this 'game' with someone else.

Please do something from someone who has had more experience with this than I care to do something!


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