# Daughter's problem



## Jennifer22 (Mar 5, 2007)

My 11 year old daughter refuses to wear shorts in the hot Las Vegas weather.
she insists on wearing long pants & jeans in the Hot weather. All of
her girlfriends & sister wear shorts all the time in the Hot weather.
They are constanly asking her how she can stand to wear pants all the time
in the hot weather. I Picked her up after school after my work on Friday and I noticed like all the other kids are all wearing shorts to school but her.
the AC in the car was broke on the ride home I had long pants on too and I was starting to get very hot and feel very uncomfortable. I told my Daughter how can you stand wearing pants all the time and I can't wait to get home and put on some shorts. When We got home I changed into my shorts. and an hour later i'm making dinner and my daughter tells me "MOM it's so hot out and I'm hot and my legs are stickying to my jeans. I told her well if you start wearing shorts you won't have that problem and you won't be hot anymore. she say's she doesn't want to wear shorts because she'll feel naked and like people will be staring at her legs etc.. My daughter is not overweight, I told her why should they stare at your legs ? you have got nice legs. she then said i just don't want to wear shorts.
Today Me and both of my daughters stoped at Kohls
they had a good sale on shorts, Me & my 13 year old daughter started picking out some new pairs of shorts . I then told my 11 year old Daughter to pick out some shorts out too for herself, but she refused even to look at that them. I yelled at her and said you can't keep wearing pants all the time in this heat. well she went back to the car. I looked at the 6 pairs of shorts that my older daughter picked out and they were cute I told her to go
back to the shorts racks and get the same 6 pairs for her sister.
Ok today it's very Hot & steamy ,it's like 90 degress out. Again my Daughter tells me again in her cranky voice "MOM it's so Hot out, I'm Hot and sweaty,
my jeans are sticking to my thighs. I then said. well I'm wearing shorts
and i'm not hot, my older daughter thinks I should make her start wearing shorts too. ? should I ?


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## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

No. I prefer pants. Yes I do get hot but I am far more comfortable body image wise in pants. Have you asked her about it from that angle? My mom forced shorts and what not on all us kids and none of us are very comfy with them.







I say let her dress herself....until it poses a true health issue (like she gets dehydrated etc.) drop it. just because YOU are not comfy in long pants in hot weather doesn't mean she isn't. I wear pants almost all year 'round.









ETA: Maybe it's the style or length your DD is protesting. You say you bought her the same 6 pairs as her older sister. Not vey much in the way of feeling indivual there. Let her go and take her time to find pairs SHE likes and maybe..just maybe she'll want to wear them. Or maybe she'd like to wear a skirt?


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

i saw this same issue some where some years ago.

i wore only pants for a long time and this is in georgia so HOT also. i also did not wear tank tops for a long time. it was fine. yk i just had to work through the body image issues.

you might suggest a long light skirt though? keeps her covered but much comfier in the heat...


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

I am not allowed to wear shorts at my work, and I often prefer to keep my legs covered because I prefer not to shave. I find that long skirts in lightweight fabrics are often more comfortable than pants in hot weather (I'm in AZ). Maybe this would help your dd?


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

You shouldn't MAKE her do anything of the sort... and you shouldn't be yelling at her over this either. She is choosing not to wear shorts, and at 11 that is her choice.. she knows that wearing pants comes with being hot, and she is making that choice.

I NEVER wear shorts, no matter how hot it is or how sweaty I am. I just don't feel comfortable in them.


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## Monkeygrrl (Oct 9, 2005)

what about capris? or what about khakis instead of jeans? maybe it will help if the fabric was different...

i would not force the shorts...that leads to resentment...i was forced to wear skirts and dresses until i left my parents home...so not cool...i wear pants all the time, hardly wear shorts...even when its really hot outside, its just what i am comfortable with...

if she is choosing to wear something, and the weather doesnt cooperate with her clothing choice, thats not your fault...she can learn to not complain and drink more water...









peace...


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## Lisa Lubner (Feb 27, 2004)

I don't understand why you are yelling at her over this?

I always wore jeans in the summer. I was never comfortable in shorts. I was never fat either. Maybe your daughter is just more comfortable with a more modest cover. What about some long skirts or capris or lighter weight pants?


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

2 words: Lightweight Capris







(or is lightweight not a compound word and that was actually 3 words







)


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Welcome to Mothering! I hope you'll stick around and get to know us here... we're a friendly bunch and I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself ~smiles~

I agree that capris are a good solution, or even just pants in a lightweight fabric. If she's really feeling terribly hot there are options inbetween jeans and shorts. She may not be interested in those either though, and that's her choice. If she complains you could just remind her that it was her choice of clothing. Remind here there are other options, but don't push it or make her feel bad because she doesn't want to wear what you do. You may feel she has nice legs and nothing to hide, but it's her body, and she's obviously not comfortable showing it off at this time.

She is finding out *who* she is, and expressing that. She may not choose to be just like you, or her older sister either. She is herself, an unique person who is choosing not to make the same choices that you do. There is nothing wrong with that.


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

i never wear shorts, and im from houston where summers are hot and humid and nasty. i dont think ive worn shorts in public since middle school, and im 24. i sleep in shorts sometimes, and sometimes i wear my pj shorts aound at home, but thats just when im too lazy to get dressed, lol. i even wear jeans over my swimsuit when we go to the pool or beach. the only time i really wear shorts in public is the board shorts i wear over my swimsuit.... part of it for me is body issues, but alot of it is im just not comfortable in shorts. they make me feel naked too. i also dont like short skirts, i prefer mine to hit my mid calf or lower. maybe suggest a long, flowy skirt to her. it would be cooler, and she wouldnt feel as naked either


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## Lambsauce (Nov 13, 2006)

I remember going through that exact thing when I was your DD's age. There's been a lot of good advice here, and all I can say is ITA. The last thing you want to do is try and force her to wear shorts. I know you're probably looking out for her best interests, you don't want her to overheat, but it just will not work. The most you could probably do is encourage her to get some pants in a lighter fabric than denim, and wait for it to pass. Which it may, or it may not.


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## quantumleap (Apr 13, 2006)

I also hate shorts. Blech. I love skirts though. Like the pps have suggested, have you offered her a skirt instead of shorts? This sounds like it could become a power struggle. I think I would back off and let her figure this out for herself.
Also, my first thought with this was about shaving. Is she shaving her legs? Her friends/peers likely are, and girls can be so, so cruel at that age. Maybe part of the shorts issue is more of an issue with teasing or fitting in because of shaved legs? Just a thought. (Largely influenced by personal leg shaving trauma at that age!) Maybe this has nothing to do with the actual clothes and more to do with something else.
Just keep talking with her.
And welcome to MDC.
Katia


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## mama_daba (Dec 7, 2004)

i agree about not making her wear clothes she isn't comfortable in. maybe she would like to wear long skirts?


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## talk de jour (Apr 21, 2005)

My mom did that to me as a kid (though I didn't complain about it that much.) It was REALLY annoying. Just leave her alone... why does it concern you so??


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

Mama, my DD is only 5, but I wanted to post because I'm not comfy wearing shorts either. Nothing in particular really wrong with my legs (other than they're whiiiite







, but I do have body image issues, I just don't like my legs









Anyway, I would definitely suggest skirts or capris. I lived in them this last summer (8+ months pg and 95+ degrees =







: ), they were definitely cooler than long pants, and I felt comfortable wearing them









Oh and, welcome to MDC







Stick around, it's a good place


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## lanamommyphd07 (Feb 14, 2007)

I keep having flashbacks to childhood when I was sooooo sensitive to any comments that anyone had about me. Supersensitive in all ways child, I was. I can tell you that if someone noticed that my legs were very white, I would not want them to be noticed at all. Same for knobby knees, a scab, my huge feet, my puffy hair, you name it. I also didn't wear shorts for a summer after seeing up the leg of my older cousin's shorts and there was all this pubic hair showing. I was so afraid of looking like that I didn't wear shorts!!! No one told me about bikini grooming possibilities. There's a chance that someone at some point made one little comment to her and she internalized the world out of it. A few probes on that level might shake out whether she's got a shaky self-esteem going on, or some hypersensitivity, or fitting in issues as well. If all else is going fine, I'd let it be--eventually she'll be so uncomfortable that she'll make her decision. But really, my hunch is that it was something said at some point. Might have even been by you, and never meant as harmful. But mommas we are powerful in our observations of our kiddos. Oh, oh, and maybe once her shorts rode up her buns and she got busted picking her seat. That would be enough to boycott shorts. Can never tell until you have that funny, touching discussion.


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## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Daisie125* 
You shouldn't MAKE her do anything of the sort... and you shouldn't be yelling at her over this either. She is choosing not to wear shorts, and at 11 that is her choice.. she knows that wearing pants comes with being hot, and she is making that choice.

I NEVER wear shorts, no matter how hot it is or how sweaty I am. I just don't feel comfortable in them.

Then she shouldn't complain....







: crazy kids i used to wear jeans and a sweater in 100degree weather sure i was hot but i didn't complain cause I chose to do it.... my dad always told me it doesn't matter what you look like so long as you're comfortable maybe your daughter need to hear something along those lines


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Daisie125* 
You shouldn't MAKE her do anything of the sort... and you shouldn't be yelling at her over this either. She is choosing not to wear shorts, and at 11 that is her choice.. she knows that wearing pants comes with being hot, and she is making that choice.

I NEVER wear shorts, no matter how hot it is or how sweaty I am. I just don't feel comfortable in them.

Yeah, that.

Why not address her feelings of being naked and having people look at her body? That's the real issue here. Can you talk to her about bodies and how sometimes in puberty, we can begin to feel uncomfortable in our bodies and how they are changing? Help build confidence in herself and what her body can do and help her not focus on how she *looks* so much.

Perhaps she is complaining because she is looking to you to help her with these feelings.


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## TAC (Apr 11, 2006)

I don't mean to sound like an alarmist, but..............

Sometimes the avoidance of wearing something that may show her "body" and having a young girl so self conscious is a sign of some kind of abuse. If she previously was comfortable, and now has changed her mind and is afraid someone may look at her... Maybe you should sit down and have a conversation with her about good touch\ bad touch. No one likes to think about or hear these things, but that would be something I would be looking at.

BTW... I work in the CPS field and that is one of our warning signs for sexual abuse.


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

It does sound like you're getting into an unnecessary power struggle here. She's uncomfortable in jeans, but she doesn't want to wear shorts, and being 11, she has an eleven year-old's judgement and sense of consequences. Were she older, she might be up to recognizing that her discomfort is a consequence of her actions, but she's not there yet. At the moment, you're pushing shorts as the only solution, and she's taken an anti-shorts stand and wants to stick to it.

Can you send her to the store with a neutral third party - an aunt or a neighbor or someone - and instructions to find bottoms she feels more comfortable in? Skirts are great. I get through summers on capri length climbing pants, which are lightweight and breathable, but still tough, and unlined linen slacks (unlined is very important - polyester lining fabric kind of sucks, IMO). Both of these, despite labels to the contrary, are machine washable and dryable.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Why oh why oh WHY would you yell at her and force her to wear clothes she's not comfortable in?!?!?! That's just so mean









I never liked shorts as a kid, either. I felt self-conscious and miserable once I hit puberty.

Good grief, stop being mean to your kid and find something that will work. Maybe she'll like long skirts (more of a draft), or capris.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
Why oh why oh WHY would you yell at her and force her to wear clothes she's not comfortable in?!?!?! That's just so mean









I never liked shorts as a kid, either. I felt self-conscious and miserable once I hit puberty.

Good grief, stop being mean to your kid and find something that will work. Maybe she'll like long skirts (more of a draft), or capris.











The op obviously recognizes that she needs help. Hence the post.








confused as to how you think this helps. Hopefully you are
















(Like my use of smilies!?!?!?)








:


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

I am admiring your clever use of emoticons







:

But, I didn't really get a feeling of "I screwed up" at ALL from the OP, actually. Perhaps I'm misinterpretting?

I feel like she thinks she was right to yell at her and shame her


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I am admiring your clever use of emoticons







:

But, I didn't really get a feeling of "I screwed up" at ALL from the OP, actually. Perhaps I'm misinterpretting?

I feel like she thinks she was right to yell at her and shame her









I agree with you that she seems to feel like that is okay to yell and shame. But I noticed it was her first post on MDC. So maybe she comes from that 'I'm the boss' perspective.... YKWIM.

If she does come from that stand point, then she should read posts that support the view that kids are people. Sometimes it takes folks a while to break away from that main stream attitude. Something is telling her she is wrong, or she wouldn't have posted.

I do feel sad for the little girl......

Maybe she does need a post like yours to grab her attention!

HEY! This was my 2,000 th post!


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## myjulybabes (Jun 24, 2003)

You know what I'd do? Next time she complains that she's hot, ask her, gently and without snark, what she wants to do about it. Maybe she'll be a contrary 11 year old and ask for something impossible like a change in the weather, or maybe she'll have some brilliant solution that none of us have thought of!

As long as you are making the appropriate clothing available (and I agree, capris and skirts are a great idea if she doesn't want shorts), there's not much else you can or should do. Being hot and sticky is a very natural consequence of wearing jeans in hot weather.


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## ~MoonGypsy~ (Aug 21, 2006)

I don't think I've worn a pair of shorts in 4 years.

I was attacked by the cottege cheese monster at puberty. Even though I was fat and was very athletic (a size 7 in 9th grade), I was still more jiggly than all of my friends. Even to the point where my thighs would rub together and I'd have to pull my shorts down out of my crotch. Maybe it's something like that for her and she needs to find the "right" pair of shorts?


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## 5in9years (Nov 18, 2005)

A few things:

She's 11. It's her business what she wears. It isn't a safety, health, or moral issue.

If the whining is getting to you (it would me) point out to her one time that she is making the choice to wear jeans in the heat, when something else might be more comfortable. Put the monkey on her back. My response to whining in my older kids is "Fix it or deal with it"

It may take several conversations for her to trust that you aren't just trying to make her do what you want, but you can investigate with her whether there's something going on that needs to be addressed-abuse, sexual harrassment at school, being made fun of, body image issues. I would be more concerned about the issue behind her refusal to wear pants than about what she chooses to wear. By getting sidetracked by her preference, you may be missing something important.

Once you've reopened a dialogue with her, you can also see if she wants to try some of the other options, like capris or skirts that cover her legs but allow her to be a little more comfortable.

I consider myself an authoritative parent, and this is not a battle I would fight.


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## Jennifer22 (Mar 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
My 11 year old daughter refuses to wear shorts in the hot Las Vegas weather.
she insists on wearing long pants & jeans in the Hot weather. All of
her girlfriends & sister wear shorts all the time in the Hot weather.
They are constanly asking her how she can stand to wear pants all the time
in the hot weather. I Picked her up after school after my work on Friday and I noticed like all the other kids are all wearing shorts to school but her.
the AC in the car was broke on the ride home I had long pants on too and I was starting to get very hot and feel very uncomfortable. I told my Daughter how can you stand wearing pants all the time and I can't wait to get home and put on some shorts. When We got home I changed into my shorts. and an hour later i'm making dinner and my daughter tells me "MOM it's so hot out and I'm hot and my legs are stickying to my jeans. I told her well if you start wearing shorts you won't have that problem and you won't be hot anymore. she say's she doesn't want to wear shorts because she'll feel naked and like people will be staring at her legs etc.. My daughter is not overweight, I told her why should they stare at your legs ? you have got nice legs. she then said i just don't want to wear shorts.
Today Me and both of my daughters stoped at Kohls
they had a good sale on shorts, Me & my 13 year old daughter started picking out some new pairs of shorts . I then told my 11 year old Daughter to pick out some shorts out too for herself, but she refused even to look at that them. I yelled at her and said you can't keep wearing pants all the time in this heat. well she went back to the car. I looked at the 6 pairs of shorts that my older daughter picked out and they were cute I told her to go
back to the shorts racks and get the same 6 pairs for her sister.
Ok today it's very Hot & steamy ,it's like 90 degress out. Again my Daughter tells me again in her cranky voice "MOM it's so Hot out, I'm Hot and sweaty,
my jeans are sticking to my thighs. I then said. well I'm wearing shorts
and i'm not hot, my older daughter thinks I should make her start wearing shorts too. ? should I ?

WOW
so many anti shorts people







:
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

No, I'm saying she's 11, not two, and you need to show her some respect.


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## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
WOW
so many anti shorts people







:
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs

I'm saying she's 11 and I have yet to meet one 11 year old who is comfortable in her body...regardless of whether they have nice legs or not. It's not about YOU, it's about HER and her comfort level with HER body. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and maybe her eye isn't as pleased right now as you are. Pushing the issue is only going to cause more internal strife with how she feels about herself.

FWIW: I have "great" legs. I'm not overweight and I don't have scars or any visible "flaws". I'm still not comfy at 21 in shorts. some people prefer to be more modest for security reasons. Respect it.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
WOW
so many anti shorts people







:
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs

Did you even read the responses?


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## nd_deadhead (Sep 22, 2005)

My sons are 12, and I haven't picked out their clothes for them for years. They go to the store and pick out what they want to wear. The only thing they do not get to choose is their orchestra "uniform" - white shirt and black pants. Maybe it's because I don't have a huge clothes budget - I can't afford to buy my kids clothes they will not wear.

My kids can wear sweatshirts in the summer and shorts in the winter if they so choose - but they can't complain (to me, at least) if they are dressed inappropriately for the weather and are uncomfortable. They refuse to wear mittens or gloves to school, even when it is bitterly cold out. While I would prefer they wear gloves, it really isn't my problem - THEY are the ones with cold hands, not me. I do insist that they have their gloves in their pockets or backpack in case they change their minds.

I don't think that a girl choosing to wear modest clothing is a problem serious enough to argue about.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

First of all,










Most the mommies on here practice gentle disciple. The main thought with it is to help guide children through to adulthood while respecting them as people. It sounds like you are trying very hard to understand why dd does not want to wear shorts. For whatever reason she may have, you might just have to accept it. She does not like shorts. It's really not the end of the world. Some kids are just more sensitive to their bodies. IMO (in my opinion), if you want to make it worse, just keep doing what you're doing. I think it's nice you bought her shorts so she can have that as an option if she chooses. Maybe buy some light wieght pants and long skirts. The only thing I would watch out for is if she appears to be getting sick because she is so hot. Other that the safety issue, trust her choice to wear pants. She knows how you feel. You bought her shorts just in case she changes her mind. Focus on some good things about her


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## Emma's_Mommy (Apr 28, 2006)

maybe she would feel more comfortable in a long skirt or capris???

getting mad at her and yelling at her isnt going to get her to tell you what the real problem is......

take a deep breath and try to relax.....and maybe take her shopping for summer clothes without her older sister around??

or invest in some light weight pants for her to wear instead of thick jeans


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

My daughter prefers pants too. She is 14. Her legs are very skinny, and she feels like people will make fun of her legs.

She DOES wear shorts, but not very often. (to dance, and on the weekends)

Your daughter told you why she wants to wear pants. She has a valid reason. You just need to respect that.

When I was in junior high school, Polyester pants were all the rage. I would have rather died than worn polyester ANYTHING. BUT, my mom wouldn't listen to me. She kept buying them and saying "You would look so nice". I thanked her, put them in my closet, and never wore them. She was wasting her money, because she wouldn't just listen to me. SURE, I could have listened to her (I was 14, it was my job to be oppositional) and maybe I did look good in polyester. But, they were uncomfortable, and I never had a good day when I was uncomfortable. I am still very sensitive to how clothes feel. I drive my husband crazy.

Edited to add: We live in Phoenix, it has been very hot here too. Yesterday, she took a JACKET to a friend's house.

Kids can be weird.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lab* 
But I noticed it was her first post on MDC. So maybe she comes from that 'I'm the boss' perspective.... YKWIM.

HEY! This was my 2,000 th post!

My first post on MDC, I had NO idea what "gentle discipline" or "AP" was. I thought I did. I learned a lot.

I think this is a wonderful, well meaning mom. My daughter would KILL to have a Mom who is willing to buy 12 pairs of shorts in one shopping trip. Even I was totally jealous. I want new shorts now.

I do understand her frustration. The child is refusing to wear shorts. YET, she complains about the heat. My sarcastic side would question what she thinks I can do about the weather.

Also, to the OP. I saw some VERY cute roll up Cargo capri/pants at Old Navy. They are light weight and comfey. Most 11 year old girls wont wear a skirt. But, if the pants are cute, and stylish AND comfortable, maybe she would wear them.

But, tell her to "Suffer in silence" because everybody is hot, there is nothing you can do about it.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Nothing bugs me more than when other people try to tell me that what i am wearing does not make sense. I do not wear shorts very often. I never have. It started around age 11 or 12. I have skinny, white, hairy, chicken legs. They are scary. To me anyway. Others say my legs are fine. But *I* do not like looking at them..... It is not really a body image thing. I just like my legs covered better. I feel better in pants or longer skirts no matter how hot it is. I would suggest helping her find some light and loose cotton pants.

I also bring a jacket/sweatshirt with me everywhere in really hot weather. Not because I get cold outside but because people over-AC everything and I get cold INSIDE. I remember as a little kid loving the feeling of a sun-baked car after being in a frigid restaurant for an hour.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

I think you have gotten some good advice. My daughter does not like to wear shorts, so instead her summer wardrobe consists of lightweight khaki pants and long skirts with sandals. She also chooses not show her chest, so she has several camisoles with lightweight blouses worn over them. Your daughter can have the emotional and physical comfort she wants at the same time, and it doesn't have to be shorts.

Very gently, I want to tell you from experience that your daughter will likely be facing issues as she grows up that will make not wearing shorts look like a walk in the park. You want her to be comfortable talking to you, and you want her to look to you for help in dealing with these issues. Please work with her on a compromise about the shorts.


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## ScootchsMom (Feb 12, 2007)

I don't normally post on this part of the board, but I lurk







and felt I wanted to chime in here.

At your daughter's age, she may be getting "attention" from peers about her looks, especially boys which is making her uncomfortable with her body. Maybe the root of the problem is that someone said something to her or implied something regarding her body or specifically her legs? It could even be that she read somewhere that legs are sexy to men, and that scared her? Does she wear loose / long sleeved tops to cover her chest and arms? I just really think there might be more to this than just simple pre-teen power struggle, but then again, I may be wrong and it is nothing more that that. I would try sitting down and talking to her, letting her know that she is welcome to wear pants if she chooses to, but that you are there for her to talk to when she wants to.

All I know is that when I was a teen, I wore anything short because I liked my legs and the attention it got me. (Drove my poor parents crazy







: )As I got older I realized I didn't need that KIND of attention and stopped wearing short stuff. I almost never wear shorts anymore, even at the beach I wear capri cargos until I go in the water. Very rarely, shile at home, I'll wear shorts, but even they are longer now, almost to my knees.

Good luck









Liz


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I wont wear shorts unless I have a tan. I cant stand the thought of my white legs blinding anyone







Maybe she is dealing with something similar? If she has body image issues, which is exaclty what my worrying about white legs is about, then maybe offering to help her get a tan will help.

I dont think you should try to force her to wear shorts but I would tell her that complaining about it is off limits because it is her choice to have hot and sticky legs.


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## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

I don't wear shorts, i hate my legs. My dh gets mad at me because he thinks my legs are fine. I can't imagine my dh forcing me to wear shorts, i would feel so uncomfortable.


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## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~MoonGypsy~* 
Even though I was fat... (a size 7 in 9th grade),


*sigh* Size 7 is NOT fat. I shudder to think what you'd think of me, if you think a 7 is fat.

To the OP: I'd say try skirts. i wear skirts or dresses a lot on the summer.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

Let her wear what she wants. I stopped wearing shorts around the age of 8 or 9. I just don't feel comfortable in them.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
WOW
so many anti shorts people







:
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs

Another shorts-hater here. I like knee-length skirts, but don't like shorts. I'm in either a skirt, capris, or pants, year round. Honestly, I prefer having my legs sticking to pants than having my leg skin stick *to each other* in shorts. Blech.

I guess we're all saying that it's her legs, let her be sweaty if she wants, and stop worrying about what she 'should' be wearing in hot weather.









The thing I *would* do, since she is 11 (and not, say, 3 or 4) is say to her, "Look, I'm happy to work with you on this - let's find a solution. But if you don't want to work on any other solution, I really can't take hearing you complain about sweaty legs every time it's really hot. So what do you want to do? A skirt, capris, lighter weight pants? Hearing you complain about something you're not willing to try to change is draining me out. Let's try to solve this together."

Good luck, and welcome aboard!


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelcat* 
*sigh* Size 7 is NOT fat. I shudder to think what you'd think of me, if you think a 7 is fat.
.


I would kill to be a size 7.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

Quote:

Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs
Yes, I'm much happier being "hot and sweaty" in my jeans, than I would be wearing shorts. (and, my legs are fine, for the record lol.)


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I would kill to be a size 7.

Seriously. That's my *goal* size, and I'm only 5 feet tall!


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
WOW
so many anti shorts people







:
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs

What is so all-fired special about shorts that makes you think they're the only practical approach to hot weather?

I like being cool and comfortable. I have no issues with my legs. I am still not a big fan of shorts, which leave me sticking to bus and car seats in the heat, and which tend (IMO) to fall at an imperfectly flattering length. On the other hand, skirts, capris, lightweight slacks and (for the daring) sarongs and Thai wrap pants are all quite comfortable, flattering, and cool.

Bottom line: She doesn't want to wear shorts. You don't want to listen to her whine. You can work on some sort of mutually agreeable solution, anything from breathable microfibers to "you picked it, you suffer," or you can hold your ground (shorts!), which will most likely force your daughter to hold hers (no shorts!) and you and your daughter can back each other into corners and arrange for this wardrobe struggle to take on epic and irrational proportions. The epic struggle is practically guaranteed to be exhausting and unproductive. You might force her to wear shorts, but it won't be worth it.

I'm not anti-shorts. I'm anti-unnecessary parent-child power struggle.


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## mmace (Feb 12, 2002)

Quote:

Even though I was fat and was very athletic (a size 7 in 9th grade), I was still more jiggly than all of my friends.

Quote:

*sigh* Size 7 is NOT fat.
I really think, from reading her post, that she meant to say even though I was *not* fat...


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## Cruella_DeVille (Jul 14, 2005)

capris are a great idea!

My feeling is that if she's hot, then she's hot, she'll have to deal with it. I understand that someone wearing pants in the heat (used to live there and will be going back) can make a body uncomfortable but, it is her decision. Her wearing or not wearing shorts shouldn't be something that you need to fuss with her about.


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## Laggie (Nov 2, 2005)

A couple of years ago I was talking with an aquaintance and she said "oh, I can't wear shorts, I don't have nice legs"

I was floored. What?

Now every time I put on shorts I think of that comment. I have short legs and knobby knees. Oh well. I love summer clothes.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Well, I've never been overweight, and if I do say so myself I have an excellent pair of legs, and I haven't been seen dead in shorts since I was under 10....

I find that shorts are very very rarely flattering on ANYONE, tall short fat or thin, and I don't wear them. Skirts, long short or mini I have no problem with, but I really would not be seen dead in most shorts.

Sometimes, in the US in the summer, I wonder if people look in the mirror when they buy shorts. There is a reason shorts are not seem much in Europe outside of sports and the beach.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

I don't think the OP even read the responses through when she posted that "you're happy being all hot and sweaty..." thing.

And ya know, sometimes I don't really care if something is flattering on me. If I'm comfortable, I'm wearing it.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaraBoo* 
I don't think the OP even read the responses through when she posted that "you're happy being all hot and sweaty..." thing.

And ya know, sometimes I don't really care if something is flattering on me. If I'm comfortable, I'm wearing it.

I think the OP thinks she has the right to verbally abuse her child and isn't going to even consider that it might be wrong









The 'I'm comfortable' is key. I am NOT comfortable in shorts. I am comfortable in capris, so that is what I wear.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
WOW
so many anti shorts people







:
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs

Nobody is saying they're "happy being all hot and sweaty." We're saying that wearing shorts isn't the only option to be comfortable in hot weather. It doesn't have to be a choice between jeans and shorts- maybe your DD would like to wear pants that are loose-fitting and made of thin fabrics, or skirts, or capris.

You also don't know if she'd be complaining about the heat just as much if she was wearing shorts.


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## AnnaLC (Sep 23, 2005)

yeup, I hate shorts too.
Not only can they be really uncomfortable (cut into your legs if you sit down at a strange angle, ride up between your legs when you walk sometimes) but they make me VERY uncomfortable. Please don't force her to wear them, she will just resent you later and it probably will not make the situation any better.
good luck!


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## Krystal323 (May 14, 2004)

11 is an age FULL of quirks, and being hypersensitive about showing my body was certainly one of mine. I distinctly remember being miserable in 100-degree TX summers with a t-shirt PLUS a long-sleeved flannel over top of it, and jeans, socks, and shoes, but that was better than some boy i went to school with potentially seeing my knobby knees, poky elbows, pale skin, etc. Sounds utterly rididculous, but there ya go









It makes me sad to hear that you're yelling at her about it and buying her stuff you know she won't wear. I bet she'll feel guilty that you spent money on stuff that is in her opinion useless, but also angry that you aren't more understanding. Neither of which may come through, because IMO the way you are reacting is a surefire way to shut down communication with her. The BEST thing a parent can have with their preteens and teens IMO is a good rapport. What if something serious is going on and she doesn't feel comfortable going to you about it?

When she complains about the heat in her long jeans, I'd just make light of it, and try to steer the conversation (gently! compassionately!) around to why exactly she likes wearing jeans even when she's not comfy in them? Gotta keep the lines of communication open, mama


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## jessica_anne010 (Mar 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
Ok today it's very Hot & steamy ,it's like 90 degress out. Again my Daughter tells me again in her cranky voice "MOM it's so Hot out, I'm Hot and sweaty, my jeans are sticking to my thighs. I then said. well I'm wearing shorts and i'm not hot, my older daughter thinks I should make her start wearing shorts too. ? should I ?

I rarely wore shorts from the time I was 11 until I had my first baby at 21. I wouldn't make her wear shorts, but I would certainly tell her that under no circumstances is she allowed to complain about being hot and sweaty unless she is going to wear shorts. :-/

My 13yo went through a thing last summer of not wearing shorts, we are in Ohio, not quite as hot as LV, but certainly humid enough. I just kept telling her that she was not allowed to complain about the heat unless she put some shorts on.

Jessica
)0(~~~)0(~~~)0(


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer22* 
WOW
so many anti shorts people







:
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs

translation:
la-la-la-la i can't hear you!!!


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

You need to find her other pants than jeans. Dress pants, light cotton, slacks..... light weight materials.

My son is anti-shorts because of grass allergies. He wears more light weight dress pants.

Pants can also protect her from the sun.

Something that can also keep her cool is keeping hydrated. She might be so hot because she needs water.

Your dd might benifit from the tips at this site
http://www.wikihow.com/Cool-Yourself...r-Conditioning


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

"This age is full of quirks" is right. I didn't wear shorts the summer I was twelve or thirteen or something and I sweltered. I probably looked ridiculous, too, but I was self-conscious and that's all there was to it. I'd say no complaining about being hot allowed unless you're going to put on cooler clothes, but forcing children that age to wear things they don't want to wear is pointless. It's also kind of an undignified way for a parent to behave, once they get to this age. It's time to let go of this kind of thing, and save boundaries for important things.

FWIW I also *never* liked slacks other than jeans. From being a little kid I hated any kind of trousers other than denim. I am still extremely uncomfortable in any kind of pants other than yoga pants, jeans, or capris.

_(BTW for some of us 7 is indeed fat, and for some of us 10 is slim. Everyone is different.)_


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

I think this issue has been discussed to completion. This thread is going to be closed due to administrative review.


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