# So when can I have post partum sex REALLY?



## KLM99 (Aug 9, 2007)

I know you always hear that you should wait 6 weeks to have sex after having a baby, but surely not all women magically heal at 6 weeks. What do I really have to look out for - no more bleeding? Just actually feeling like having sex?


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## BanditaMamacita (Aug 17, 2009)

My mw says it really isn't necessary to wait that long after a non=traumatic birth. She says 12-14 days if ur feeling up to it. That's also what the handout my hospital gives out says. I've never mentioned that to dh... after birth, i'm totally off the hook for at least 6 weeks. lol. But if you're feeling up to it and don't have stitches or anything....


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

If you don't have stitches, wait until you feel comfortable to start again.

If you do have stitches, wait until they come out and things feel healed up again!


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## clicksab (Oct 15, 2006)

I waited until I wasn't bleeding. And I was actually ready to go for it, and that was about 2 1/2 weeks PP! Every woman is different, and I suspect every postpartum experience is different. Something tells me I might want to take the full 6 weeks with kid #2!


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## fwlady (May 11, 2009)

I was told the typical 6 wk thing, after a csection. My mother and father were telling me at 4 wks that I needed to give my BF sex. WTH? I had a CSECTION! I was just having yellow lochia at that point. We went ahead, when we went to our MILs house, because I didn't feel right doing that with my BF in my parent's house since they usually say to wait until marriage, and we should have been married by then. And, I made him use a condom because my fear of INFECTION. I think it was totally stupid. No one should be pressuring a section momma to do anything that makes her feel worse than she already does! And, to boot, my BF wasn't the one putting the heat on me.

With #2, I had stitches in the other place. I am sure we waited the 6 wks.

With #5, I had a slight PPH that I was able to care for at home. But, then I bled for 9 wks. So, he had to do without for that time. I just figured that if there is enough space for things to be open for bleeding/lochia, then it isn't worth the risk. There are other ways to be intimate.

But, my friend has a higher libido than I do, and she said it wasn't but a week after her csections, and she had 3. So, I would go with how you feel. Kymberli


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## mamamoon89 (Aug 28, 2009)

My midwife said it was okay after bleeding stopped...if you had stitches then until those heal. I was still bleeding a little when I resumed sex at 2 1/2 weeks postpartum.


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## nashvillemidwife (Dec 2, 2007)

When your bleeding has stopped, trauma has healed, you are mentally ready, and you have addressed family planning/birth control.


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## Gentle~Mommy :) (Apr 21, 2009)

I told my husband the doctor said 6 months lol, but I was good to go after 6 weeks.


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## etsdtm99 (Jun 19, 2009)

i had stitches and bled 4-5 weeks with both kids.. i was not ready before 5 weeks but i've heard of other other women (no stitches) being ready at 2-3 weeks.


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## mummy2jess (Nov 7, 2006)

with all three of mine we have had sex roughly three weeks after the birth. I have never had any tears or stiches so obviously might have been longer if I had. I have never been told 6 weeks - just whenever I feel ready.

sophie


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## Gentle~Mommy :) (Apr 21, 2009)

sophie, at first I read that as 'you had rough sex' LOLOLOLOL


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## S.Elise (Jul 1, 2009)

I hate to admit this, and it was not an issue of safety/medical advice/prudery/birth trauma or feeling like a mother is sexually "damaged goods" (I HATE that attitude), etc. but just to offer another perspective, I had absolutely no interest in anything sexual until I stopped breastfeeding 7 months later. And low sex drive is NOT typical for me. Thankfully my husband has the patience and understanding of a saint. Literally, he's going straight to heaven.

Which is all just to say that we are all SO different and that is fine!


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## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

When you feel ready, but don't let someone pressure you into it. I can't remember when we resumed after Hunter. I had a 2nd degree tear that still hurt long past 6 weeks, and I had PPD. Hunter also had bad colic. Sex was not on my mind. Luckily DH understood how hard it was for me. Everything is good now though, pregnant with #2 and still keeping up the intimatcy.


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

"no more bleeding? Just actually feeling like having sex?"

Yes, and yes. Actually, the first one is not set in stone -- the idea is that if you're done bleeding you're likely internally healed so that there is less risk of infection in introducing an object (and that goes for any object) into your vagina. But in reality presence or absence of discharge and desire for sex don't always match up, and the risk does seem to be pretty low. My midwife says that in her practice she hasn't seen a correlation with intercourse begun when there was still lochia. And anecdotally, I know a *lot* of people who have resumed having intercourse while still bleeding (including myself) and had no problem.


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## GAjenn (Jan 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gentle~Mommy * 
I told my husband the doctor said 6 months lol, but I was good to go after 6 weeks.









I wish they said 6 months! Vaginal dryness due to breastfeeding/ going from mommy to sex kitten not working really set me back for a while. We found our stride soon enough and now I preg again!


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## Tizzy (Mar 16, 2007)

After my C/S I was good to go two weeks later.
After a few tears and stiches with my second birth, it was closer to 4 weeks because the stitches didn't heal very quickly.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

It took me about six months before I felt like I could ( I only had a 2nd degree tear, but it seemed to take forever to heal), but I still didn't really want to because bfing drained all my hormones (at least that's how it felt). But that's just me. You have to find your own stride.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

All my doctor said was "If you have sex before your six week check use a condom". I think we waited almost two months though.


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## thefreckledmama (Jun 1, 2007)

We've always waited until there was little or no lochia, which for me is about 2 weeks. Each time I felt around down there a little before we did anything, to make sure it wasn't going to start hurting when we did.


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

With Dd#1 we waited until six weeks. It was horrible. I had stitches and it hurt for more than a year to have sex.

After Dd2's birth, I had an intact perineum. I stopped bleeding after two weeks and we had sex after three. It didn't hurt at all. I was pleasantly surprised.


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## NCmama (Jun 21, 2005)

I'm so impressed with all of you! And a bit jealous









Between so many other kids and nursing a newborn, I just had absolutely NO interest for months







I wanted to have interest, but after nursing a baby round the clock, I really didn't want anyone else near me!


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## crunchy_mama (Oct 11, 2004)

With #1 it was a few months I believe before I felt ready, physically and mentally. I just had a small tear, but I was nervous- and exhausted! With #2- no tears at all and I was honestly ready at 1 week, but I cannot remember when we got around to it and life of course was chaotic. However, I do remember when we did have sex the first time it was great and wonderful and no probalem at all.


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## mwherbs (Oct 24, 2004)

I go with MOM's comfort level - I have had friends and some clients who have had sex within hours or days of giving birth it was their desire for that type of contact on the other hand I had other friends and clients who could just as well been happy to not have had any sex for 6 months or more...

if you have any stitches - that would be a concern that you don't do something that would break them down before the tissues have had a chance to heal together


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## Litcrit (Feb 23, 2009)

Huge mediolateral episiotomy, 8 weeks of bleeding (!) - it took three months to even begin to consider it... and it hurt the first few times.


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## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gentle~Mommy * 
sophie, at first I read that as 'you had rough sex' LOLOLOLOL

I thought the same thing.


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## Tizzy (Mar 16, 2007)

Okay I have issues with the whole "use a condom" thing.
Personally I figure my body is used to DH's ph and cooties, a condom does not strike me as being "sterile" and honestly, I think there's probably more change of infection from introducing something foreign like a condom...but that's just what I think


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## artemis80 (Sep 8, 2006)

Oooookaayyy......3rd degree tear here, plus all the bfing/hormones/adjusting to being a new mom. Try A YEAR. Poor DH.

That said, if there's a second time around, I would look into solutions a lot sooner.


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## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

My OB said to wait 4 weeks. My MW said to wait 2 weeks to be sure that my cervix was closed. I think we split the difference and waited 3 weeks. DH was much more concerned about it than I was; I think he was nervous about hurting me. He probably would have waited longer if it was up to him, but I was a bit... um... insistent. I was ready about 5 days PP... but I think that was just all my hormones going out of control!


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

We had to wait 10 months the first birth, and 3.5 the second. I was too damaged porior to then. It took about 18-22 months to actually WANT to do it though, which orughly corresponded with weaning or semi-weaning both times.


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## CEG (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tizzy* 
Okay I have issues with the whole "use a condom" thing.
Personally I figure my body is used to DH's ph and cooties, a condom does not strike me as being "sterile" and honestly, I think there's probably more change of infection from introducing something foreign like a condom...but that's just what I think









I recommend it for birth control, not cootie control. Even a BF mom can get pregnant, but most of my moms are FF.


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## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

And I think - though somebody please correct me if I'm wrong - that there's some chance that the first few weeks after a birth are a particularly high-fertility time because pregnancy hormones drop and breastfeeding hormones haven't totally kicked in yet. I know I have a cousin whose twins were followed ten months later by a surprise sibling, and I suspect that was why!


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

As soon as you feel comfortable. That was a few months in my case.


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## accountclosed3 (Jun 13, 2006)

i would say i was up for it by the end of the first week, but it never really felt comfortable until about a month ago. i enjoyed it, but it was MORE enjoyable after i got my period back (fertility cycle really).


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## nia82 (May 6, 2008)

Wow you guys were ready wayyyy before me. I had two 2nd degree tears which healed fine, but I bled for over 8 weeks. I had not interest whatsoever until 4 months pp.
We tried at 12 weeks and it was pain hell. It Was ok at 4 months pp, but not nice. I'd say about 6 months pp the pain was gone. Real interest from my side didn't kick in until 9-10 months pp, when DS started to eat some crackers and some yogurt and my milk supply went down a little.


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

I had c-sections, but I was ready in about two weeks with dd1 and a little over a month with dd2.


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## sehbub (Mar 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Comtessa* 
And I think - though somebody please correct me if I'm wrong - that there's some chance that the first few weeks after a birth are a particularly high-fertility time because pregnancy hormones drop and breastfeeding hormones haven't totally kicked in yet. I know I have a cousin whose twins were followed ten months later by a surprise sibling, and I suspect that was why!









Yep.

We waited two weeks after DD3 was born. She was in the NICU, I was staying near the hospital with her, was an hour from DH for tose two weeks (and the two weeks following until she came home) and desperately needed "normal."

And 39wks later, her brother was born.









So from February 14 to April 20 every year, my youngest two are the same age. It makes for some interesting conversations.









I don't recommend having them that close together, BTW.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I had a c-section and was ready about 2 weeks pp - did wait until the bleeding stopped though, so around 3 weeks pp.

And YES about the high fertility time! My Mom was EBF my younger sister and got pregnant with TWINS!! She was shocked and thought she couldn't get pg while breastfeeding. There are 2 weeks out of the year where all 3 of my sisters are the same age.


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## brightonwoman (Mar 27, 2007)

I had little/no interest for about a year (definitely no libido for a year)...but we just waited the 6 weeks the OB had said. I had just a couple of stitches but one of them had not come out even at that point (it was loose but not out) and it was horribly painful. If I ever have stitches again i will insist that there be nothing in there until the stitches are GONE!!
With that said, I have been told that 6weeks is a good guideline even if you didn't tear and your lochia is done because it takes that long for your cervix to completely close again and in the meantime your risk of infection is still increased








Personally, I'll go for bleeding done, no stitches, and not feeling sore down there...I imagine it'll be at least 3wks. I will stick with 6wks as an official guideline, but if I'm feeling ok I may initiate something sooner (in spite of my uber-non-libido), because that would totally rock DH's world


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## simonboy'smommy (Jan 22, 2007)

I am hoping that I'll feel up to it a little sooner this time. Last time we waited the full 6 weeks 'cause that's just what we were supposed to do. I really felt a lot better all around by 6 weeks.

This time I've been reading up about it because I'd like to get back to "normal" a little sooner. And I think it would make it easier to live with dh if things happened sooner! However, I don't plan to fill him in on my research until I feel ready







I'm really hoping I don't have any tears this time. I had an episiotomy the first time and I'm NOT getting one this time unless there is an emergency.

I'm glad I read about the heightened fertility possibility... guess I'll be buying condoms soon. I just went through 3-4 yrs of secondary infertility and swore I wouldn't prevent this time. Well, I've changed my mind. Pregnancy was hard this time! I'm so not ready to do it again and I haven't birthed yet!!


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## zenmama108 (Feb 23, 2009)

I had a 3rd degree tear with DD, and no sex drive whatsoever for a very long time. I was on the outs with DDs father, and ended up not having sex for 2 and a half years (untill I was in a new relationship). I HIGHLY doubt I will be waiting that long this time around









Speaking strictly healing-wise, with the tear and the stitches, I think it was 8 to 10 weeks before everything was healed enough to consider sex, but everyone heals at a different rate.


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## Sarah W (Feb 9, 2008)

It was about 10 weeks for me. There were times that I really wanted to in the first couple of weeks pp, but I had stitches and it was more about wanting sex than wanting to have sex. Does that make sense?


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## tjlucca (Jun 16, 2008)

I don't know how long we waited. I didn't feel like it at all, even after six weeks. My mojo was completely out of wack, The dryness from Bfing and the new mommy thing.It took me some time to feel like it was okay to be mommy AND be a sexual woman. I didn't want anything to do with it for awhile. That went over like a ton of bricks.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Healing wise, 2 weeks was enough for me. We waited until the bleeding had mostly petered out.

Dh says it's "good medicine".














I just like having that closeness back as soon as possible.


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## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

With DD, we waited 6 weeks. I was under the care of an OB resident and that's what she said to do. I had a 2nd degree tear which healed fine, and my bleeding stopped after only 11 days.

Now w/ DS, I had no tearing (except for a very minor internal one that was not stitched), but he's a month old today and I'm still spotting in spurts. I thought I'd stopped after 9 days this time, but it started back up again, then stopped, then started, then stopped, lol. All just spotty spotting. Anyway my MW said that after my bleeding's been stopped for 3 days, I can "be with" DH again.


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## SilverFish (Jan 14, 2010)

i felt like having sex about 2 days after my baby came out







but i know that was just happy hormones. i'm 15 days PP now, and now i REALLY want to have sex, but ugh, i'm still in a lot of pain down there so i don't think it's going to happen any time soon. my 2nd degree tear is taking its sweet time to heal, and everything still feels way too tender and mashed up. but if the happy hormones continue (and my baby keeps sleeping this much!) i can definitely see us getting it on within the next couple of weeks. part of it was how uninterested i was in having sex for the last few months of my pregnancy. i think it was actually around 5 months that we pretty much stopped doing anything.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've had all c-sections. With four of them, it was several months before I was ready again. But, I think it's about the breastfeeding. When my son was stillborn, I was ready in about two weeks, despite being achey all over (I had a really rough recovery from that one). I just really, really, really wanted to.

Breastfeeding seems to kill my libido, which seems to be pretty common. It also makes sex a lot less comfortable.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

My doctor said if we did it before 6 weeks use condoms so I assume she didn't care when I had sex. I don't think we actually did until around 8 weeks or so. My bleeding didn't stop until 6 or 7 weeks or we might have earlier.


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## lyterae (Jul 10, 2005)

My dd was a c-section and it was still months before I could comfortably have sex, add in some PPD and we were very much lacking in intimacy that first year.


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## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

With my first, I had an episiotomy so I waited until the stitches were out-- 4 weeks. With my second, I just waited until the bleeding stopped-- 2 weeks. I expect it'll be about 2 weeks again this time.


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## GreenMamma (Feb 21, 2010)

Umm..we dont' have sex again until at least 14 weeks pp. I can't. It hurts way too much, even though with my middle and youngest son I didn't have any tearing and the births went fantastic. My first son came so fast and I did tear and we think that's what caused the issue I have.

But then again it still hurts more than a year later. But that's partly due to BFing.


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## 2sweetboysmom (Aug 1, 2006)

Previous OBs have told me, "we would like you to wait till after your PP appt" (always at 4 weeks for me)

I am including my miscarriages here as my experience with a more physically traumatic birth.
After my first late miscarriage/D&C for hemorrhage, there was no instruction given, and my midwife had dropped me like a hot potato when I miscarried, so I just followed how I felt...In retrospect I probably should have waited at least 10 days or so. I wound up with pelvic inflammatory problems, may have been the D&C, or may have been the way early sex, no real way of knowing. After my second late miscarriage/d&C for hemorrhage we waited 1 week and then used a non-spermicidal condom till about 4 weeks, and I had no problems.


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## redvlagrl (Dec 2, 2009)

My mw said that we could whenever we felt like it. I suppose she felt like if you're feeling good to go, then you're probably fine down below!


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## Catherine12 (May 15, 2006)

I had a minor tear with my first and third births. The first time, we did it at 2 weeks pp, but it was uncomfortable so we didn't do it again until 3 weeks pp - at that point it was fine. After our third, we waited two weeks and it was fine.

With my second birth, I didn't tear, so I felt ready much sooner - we asked our mw when we could have sex again and she said it was fine to do it whenever we felt comfortable. So we did it that night - 2 days pp. And it actually felt totally normal.

I would have hated waiting six weeks. Right after giving birth is a time when I feel joyous, and loving, and extra-close to my dh - sex is a good way of expressing that.

I'll also add that using lubricant can really help, especially if you are bfing, which makes some women dryer than usual.


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