# I need a fast answer! HIV movie 2nd grade?



## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

Help! My son got a permission slip sent home yesterday to watch a movie today about HIV/aids. I didn't see it until late last night.

Now, I am baffled at why they would teach 2nd graders about a disease that, as real as it is, is something they should not have to worry about for at least 7 or 8 more years. And really, would they show a movie about smoking and lung cancer?

I don't really want to be 'that mom', but am I off base for thinking this is too early?


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## Katzchen (Aug 13, 2007)

I would probably ask to screen the film myself before allowing my child to see it at that age.

But since it is being shown tomorrow I would say "No" and request that the teacher send out notices well in advance of this type of material in the classroom to allow for more parent involvement.

(After all, if you haven't seen the film it makes it really difficult to discuss it with you child and answer any question he may have)


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## calpurnia (Sep 26, 2004)

How old is 2nd grade?


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## art_teachermommy (Dec 17, 2007)

The teacher should have allowed more time for parents to make a decision on the film first off. Sending home a note the day before a movie is to be shown is a little irresponsible. We all know that only about half of what we send out actually makes it home to the parents anyway. It seems too that more info should have been sent out as to why it fits in with what they are learning.

I would say no. Based on it's too young for them to view that and that adequate information was not provided to the parent.

Do you know what has been taught leading up to this movie for it to fit in with curriculum?


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## MountainLaurel (Dec 17, 2005)

Why shouldn't a kid have to worry about? It's not like you have to be shooting up smack in the Chuck-E-Cheese to get it: Perhaps he has a classmate who has been HIV positive since birth and the school is trying to educate classmates.


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## lindsaye3 (May 15, 2007)

What Katzchen said. I would want to see the movie first (or at least have an idea of what it is about, i.e., kids with HIV or the crisis in Africa or what) so I would know what it was about and be able to discuss the movie in a reasonable manner.

Calpurina - 2nd grade is about 7-8 years old.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redebeth* 
Help! My son got a permission slip sent home yesterday to watch a movie today about HIV/aids. I didn't see it until late last night.

Now, I am baffled at why they would teach 2nd graders about a disease that, as real as it is, is something they should not have to worry about for at least 7 or 8 more years. And really, would they show a movie about smoking and lung cancer?

I don't really want to be 'that mom', but am I off base for thinking this is too early?

Why do you think they shouldn't "have to worry about" HIV/Aids for 7 or 8 years? There may well be HIV positive children in your son's class. I think it is good for children to have an understanding of HIV/AIDS so that they can tell the myths from the truth.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

There doesn't seem to be a curriculum this film is fitting into. It's out of the blue.

I think kids have an innocence that should be preserved as long as possible, they simply don't need to know about everything bad in the world until necessary.

I believe the point of the move is to help undo the stigma of HIV, that's a good thing. But he's not raised in a home where he would be taught HIV is this or that. My dad is an old school Md who was one of the first immunologists working on the disease back in the 80's. I kind of grew up with it, which is ironic. I didn't even make that connection till right now.

I really can't trust what they present will be something I would agree to.

2nd grade? This is crazy.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

First, I wouldn't assume anything is "crazy" unless you've seen it. Which it's within your rights to do as a parent. Can you possibly carve out some time to go watch it at the school ASAP?

I'd have no problem with this, mainly because we've talked about basic sexuality, body parts, different kinds of relationships, ect with our kids since they were about 3 or 4. So if there was anything even remotely "sex ed" about the film, my kids would be likely to correct any misinformation, knowing them.









I don't think innocence is destroyed by education, but whatever floats your boat.









And I agree with others. I would not be surprised if the reasons why they are showing an educational film about HIV outside of any sexuality curriculum (I think 2nd grade for the basic level of sexuality curriculum is too late, the 'window' where children feel comfortable and not self-conscious talking about stuff like that probably has already closed for awhile for most of them) would be that it's likely there is one or more children at the school who might have the disease.

This HIV film is likely not the HIV film of the 80s/90s. I'm kind of suprised that you seem to be thinking of this apparently mostly as a STD, given your background. I would say it's pretty important that you see this film even if you don't allow your child to, so you can give them feedback on any misinformation and perhaps your dad could suggest better ones if it's a crappy film.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

I would not give permission until I screened the film.


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## a(TM)?Star (Oct 13, 2005)

I'm guessing that there is some reason they are showing it.....a lesson based on it, a student perhaps may be HIV positive?


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

There is a good chance there are people right in your son's classroom who are HIV positive.

What's the movie? Are we talking Philadelphia? Which, although being an awesome movie is not appropriate for children









I am sure there are appropriate films out there for children his age. I would certainly allow and encourage my child to see that movie.


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## happyhippiemama (Apr 1, 2004)

I'd be fine with it.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

I guess that I am of the school of thought that children are given enough to worry about in daily life without adding to it willy nily.

I can think of about 50 things off the top of my head that kids in his class are probably dealing with, that he doesn't need to know about right now.

I think there was an article a year or so in Mothering that really resonated with me about teaching kids about our environmental problems before they have had time to learn to love it for what it is. I can't begin to paraphrase that whole article but that was sort of the gist of it. This is the same thing for me.

I never said that HIV is primarily an STD, that is reading into my words.

So I signed the slip so he can see the movie mainly because I know if he is pulled out of class with a handful of other kids they will be dying to hear from the ones who saw it what the movie was about. Then he will surely get some messed up info. So best he sees it first hand rather than hear it second hand with who know what else mixed in.

I still think this is crazy.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Did the permission slip list the name of the movie? Could you look online for info on it? Did you call the school for more information?

We had info on smoking and lung cancer when I was in 1st or 2nd grade. They talked to us, might have been a film clip (can't remember), then we saw a pig lung that had been exposed to cigarette smoke vs. one that hadn't. Made a huge impression, and I have never so much as tried a cigarette. I would be absolutely fine with my kids seeing a presentation on lung cancer, effects of smoking, etc.

HIV/AIDS - if it were age appropriate I'd be fine with it. Was the slip given out yesterday, or did your child leave it in her mailbox or backpack for a few days before remembering to give it to you? One night isn't enough time to research for those who want to so if that is the case, I'd be mad too.

Overall, I think we wait too long to discuss certain topics with kids. If you wait "til they need it", you're already too late for some as they are doing it already; others have made their own decisions about what they think about it before getting your two cents.

Someone here on MDC recommended the film "It's Elementary". Amazing, amazing film. You could apply the responses of the different age groups in that film to HIV education too.

In the OP's situation, if I trusted and had a good relationship with the teacher and administration of dc's school, I'd probably ok the film.


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## Calidris (Apr 17, 2004)

Well, it would depend on the movie of course, but I assume it would be something made for 2nd graders and would not go into a lot of detail about unprotected sex, homosexuals or IV drug abuse.
At 8 there is no reason why they should not start educating children about HIV, there are probably people in your child's life who are HIV positive, it is quite possible that the movie was inspired by children saying ignorant or hateful things about AIDS.

Quote:

And really, would they show a movie about smoking and lung cancer?
And wrt this _don't_ they start the anti-smoking propaganda at least this young?


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Yes, they do start educating second graders...kindergarteners actually...about smoking, considering it's a massive public health concern.

I'm glad you made the decision0 you did, OP.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

I would say no, because you haven't seen the film. I wouldn't want my dc getting bad information, or too much information.

I wonder why they are showing the movie?
I know that HIV is more than just an STD, but it is still an STD. I also don;t want my child to know about IV drug use at that age. I can't imagine a movie about HIV that doesn't at least touch on those things (since those are 2 of the main ways that people get the disease). I don;t know WHY an 8 yo needs to know about IV drug use or STD's.

FTR I can't imagine allowing my child to do any of the sex ed classes at that age either.
I really feel like this stuff is best taught at home. I am glad that they teach it in the schools because there are a lot of parents that don't talk to their kids about it. But I really don't want my kids learning this stuff from public school.

I hope that it goes okay...it sounds like a tough decision...esp since he would ask his classmates about it if you said no...

.


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## a(TM)?Star (Oct 13, 2005)

The more I think about it, it's not the AIDS issue I have a problem with at all, it's how they would describe getting it. I'm not sure if my 2nd grader needs to know about sexual transmission. ( I know that it's not the only way to get it.) I dunno how they would explain that.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

My vote is no I wouldn't without checking it out myself first.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Not in second grade. I've taught second grade, so I have some idea of the maturity level of kids that age. I think it's a bit young. Fourth, maybe fifth grade, is when I'd start talking about it with mine. If it was me, though, I would just keep him home that day.

I think kids have enough to worry about. I'm all for sex education, HIV education, any kind of education as long as it's accurate, truthful, and age-appropriate. But I think second grade is too young for this particular one.

I must say, though, that anti-smoking education is something I'd wholeheartedly support, starting WAY younger than 7!


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

Okay, the name of the movie is " Thumbs Up: Aids Education". I am going to go look for it now.

And I misunderstood the dates. They are showing it next week, but the form had to be in today.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I found this, OP http://outlet.discoveryeducation.com/product/show/32952

It sounds like it's mostly about it being safe to play/be around people who are HIV+


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## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

From the description, it sounds perfectly appropriate.








I'm all for making an informed decision.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I wouldn't allow it until I had seen the movie myself.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

See, this is the problem with assuming that HIV ed means talking about sex.

I'm going to bet that it's probably not even mentioned, or peripherally so.

Sometimes we have to take a step back and not assume that health education is not like what we remember (because I bet most of us here got squat until preteen age, which is a different stage).

Just like "sexuality education" for 5-6 year olds doesn't involve watching a porn movie and is more focused on accurate names for body parts, safe touches and reinforcing the child's right to tell about an adult that makes her uncomfortable, and how different families are made (well, OK, I get that some people probably wouldn't want their kids exposed to same-sex parent families)...I'm going to guess that probably the film will be about basic blood safety without being scared to death of everything, and not about Steve and Bill go barebacking.

OP, I really hope you see the film. Why on earth would you sign that sheet if you were really concerned about misinformation and/or inappropriateness? You could be doing someone a favor if you find inaccurate information, and at least then you could be put at ease or at least would have some concise points about how "crazy" it is so you could get other parents on your side.

If you just give up to not make waves, then personally I don't see the point of complaining about the school.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

How do you feel about your child's teacher and the administrators in the school? I trust my daughter's teacher and principal to only show appropriate movies and I'd allow it if they felt it was appropriate. But if I didn't trust them I'd at least want to watch it first. If I didn't trust them, a short movie on one day wouldn't be my biggest concern either.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

Tigerchild - I am very interested in your point of view. I posted this question because i wanted to hear other opinions different from my own to help me decide. However, I don't understand why you keep misinterpreting the things I have written.

I never said anything about sex. You actually seem to be focusing on it.
I never said anything about misinformation and I certainly did not sign the sheet because I am afraid of making waves. I explained why I signed it.

Anyhow, when my son joined Boy Scouts, I had a similar issue with the pull out in the scout guide that dealt with abuse.

I don't want my son to worry. That's pretty much it. Sorry if I wasn't making myself clear.

Crazy.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

I'm glad you ended up saying yes.

My daughter (5.5) and I have been really into the musical, Rent, and listening to the soundtrack and watching both the movie and the live performance, we've talked a lot about HIV/AIDS. She is not scared about it, but she is becoming informed and I think that's great!

Personally, I'd not trust a school to present accurate info, so while I'd absolutely allow my child to attend the movie, I would ask to see it so that we could discuss any discrepancies.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

I don't know if this is part of your state curriculum for AIDS/HIV education, but I know that my state (NY) has such a curriculum, and it really is very age appropriate - at least, so far. In K it was part of a wider "staying healthy" unit. They talked about handwashing and good hygeine, brought up the terms AIDS and HIV and talked about how you couldn't get them just by touching a person or being their friend. Very straightforward. Certainly not putting rubber on bananas or anything that people seem to be imagining.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

I would have no problem with it. I think it's best to get to these serious issues before they're at a more jaded age where they're more likely to laugh and joke during the movie than pay attention. I saw a movie about train safety in 2nd grade and to this day will not walk on train tracks, even if they're out of use. If I'd have seen it when I was 12, I probably would've completely ignored it. Not equating trains to AIDS, just making the point that little minds are more receptive.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I wouldn't have a problem with it. I lost a friend to AIDS when I was in 2nd grade.


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

I have worked with HIV positive 2nd graders. I absolutely think the topic is relevant and can be handled in an age-appropriate way.

My mom is another old-school MD who was one of the first ID specialists working with AIDS in the 1980s. So I grew up receiving a lot of information. There is still a lot of misinformation about the disease, and I think talking to second graders about how AIDS is *not* spread is one good way to deal with some of the misperceptions out there.


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## a(TM)?Star (Oct 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stik* 
I have worked with HIV positive 2nd graders. I absolutely think the topic is relevant and can be handled in an age-appropriate way.

My mom is another old-school MD who was one of the first ID specialists working with AIDS in the 1980s. So I grew up receiving a lot of information. *There is still a lot of misinformation about the disease, and I think talking to second graders about how AIDS is *not* spread is one good way to deal with some of the misperceptions out there*.


Very good point.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

I would see the movie first. If they talk about sexual transmission a lot, i wouldn't let them see it. as 2nd grade is 7 and 8 years old. Hm..thats a tough one.


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## dancebaraka (Dec 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stik* 
I have worked with HIV positive 2nd graders. I absolutely think the topic is relevant and can be handled in an age-appropriate way.

My mom is another old-school MD who was one of the first ID specialists working with AIDS in the 1980s. So I grew up receiving a lot of information. There is still a lot of misinformation about the disease, and I think talking to second graders about how AIDS is *not* spread is one good way to deal with some of the misperceptions out there.

ITA!

I would def allow dd to see this and would watch it myself and follow up with a conversation between us. I want my dd to interface with her world and I see myself as a loving guide for her to do that.

What I remember about HIV education growing up is that it was offered only as a part of sex edu and was offered too late imo.. I feel grateful that this important issue is being considered in a more broad format and for a younger audience. I think kiddos can handle more than we sometimes give them credit for. This is coming from a woman who used to travel around to schools and offer relationship and dating wksps that focused on respect and peaceful communication.


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

I would let my child watch it.

I think that education is a good thing.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
Certainly not putting rubber on bananas or anything that *people seem to be imagining*.

Where on this thread has anyone said anything like that?

.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tigerchild* 
I'm going to guess that probably the film will be about basic blood safety without being scared to death of everything, and not about Steve and Bill go barebacking.


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## veronicalynne (Nov 4, 2006)

Isnt grade 2 mainly 7 year olds? Anyway, I also question why kids that young need to know about HIV/AIDS. I think I would refuse since it was sprung at the last minute without parents being able to screen it first. I would have thought that would be more appropriate when they are teenagers and learning about sex education in school.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

The trust thing has come up a couple of times. Trusting the school, the teacher, but really what we are talking about is trusting our government that sets the curriculum that our schools and teachers have to follow.

I am kind of surprised at how much trust there is on this board for the powers that be in regards to this movie.

Trusting the school is sort of a moot point. I have to deal with them every fall about my son not being vaxed, they use weed killers I would never use in my yard, and they feed the students things I wouldn't feed my children at home.

I am not judging the school,it's a good school, it's just the way things are.

I think I am here at MDC like alot of people because I question things, and I am looking for ideas and answers. I am questioning this not because I have some fantasy about some inappropriate and explicit movie being shown to my child, but because I think I should question almost everything that involves my child. At least a little bit.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

Quote:

Anyway, I also question why kids that young need to know about HIV/AIDS.
did you read this thread? no offense, just wondering if you think all of the points made are irrelevant. I remember my friends and I cutting our fingers and putting them together to be "blood sisters" around 3rd grade. Today, there are HIV positive children, even in the suburbs. And getting to them *before* they're at risk can be very beneficial.


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## miss_sonja (Jun 15, 2003)

Um, no way. my dd is in 2nd grade and that would be way over her head. No freakin' way (and I'm all for sx ed, it just has to be age appropriate!)


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

I don't think HIV/AIDS equals sex ed. It's a medical condition that kids need to know about. I would want my kid to know about safety of "cutting fingers to be blood sisters", especially if there are HIV positive kids in the school or even their class (which no one has to declare, by the way). I strongly doubt that they are going to be talking about sex as an act, I'd assume they'll be talking about it from general interaction safety (you can't catch it by playing together, just come see a teacher if you get a paper cut kind of thing, kwim?).

No big deal. I'd sign it in a heartbeat, and then ask the kids what they thought.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I think it's a great age. I know a child who had to be tested several times because he stuck a needle he found into his leg - when he was 6.

I'm with the crowd that believes giving age-appropriate information is fine. I think there are a lot of brutal, awful ways to lose one's innocence and information generally helps prevent some of those ways.

That said, the school should have given you more lead time, and a summary of the film. I would definitely take that up with them.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redebeth* 
I think I am here at MDC like alot of people because I question things, and I am looking for ideas and answers. I am questioning this not because I have some fantasy about some inappropriate and explicit movie being shown to my child, but because I think I should question almost everything that involves my child. At least a little bit.

Well, that's the point that confuses me. You keep calling this film, or the concept of it "crazy". Yet instead of insisting that you see it for yourself, you just sign the sheet.

Now to me, that's the "crazy" thing. You don't even know the content, but you imply that it must be crazy, I guess because it's a film developmentally geared towards lower elementary students? I suppose I really don't quite understand that point of view.

See, to me, to earn the right to unequivocally call something "crazy" (which, by the way, implies that anyone who doesn't feel as you do are all mentally deficient) you kind of have to actually SEE it and evaluate it for yourself. You admit to not doing this. Yet you're still going around saying this is crazy, but you can't be bothered to find out about it for yourself.

You're the one who brought up shielding your child's innocence as the primary motivator for having a crazy gut instinct about this. Fair enough, because I think the vast majority of people associate HIV with anal sex, addicts, and sluts. Especially those of us in our late 20s and upwards, since that message was pretty much drilled into us.

I see what you meant was, you want to shield your child from worrying. Well, do you not allow him to participate in fire, tornado, or earthquake drills at school (all normally state mandated and unannounced), or attend the safety lectures where a cop or fireman comes to the school? My DD's school had an unfortunately timed earthquake drill after the earthquake in China, and even though I do try to be very conscious of what media I have on, she'd heard about it in snippets on NPR as we were driving to activities in the morning. We had to have a long talk about safety, I had to show her our emergency kit and how it worked, show her the house retofitting so that she would feel safe that probably what happened there would not happen to our house or our school. Do you really not allow your child any information about molestation or sexual abuse prevention? There's ways to do it that can minimze fear. This HIV tape can be just like a fire drill if it's done right. And since YOU also seem really anxious over this (hence the constant repeating of "crazy") wouldn't it be a good idea to actually see the film for your own peace of mind, and so that you can evaluate how your son is likely to react?

I don't see anything "crazy" about what looks to be essentially a diversity film. The fact that you really seem focused on the potential craziness leads me to believe that you're either not at peace with your decision to sign the form sight unseen (and you do have some time to remedy that) or you have some other vision of what you think is in the tape.

If it's not sex, what exactly is the inappropriate, crazy, over the top material that you're expecting is part of it? I can totally understand someone getting upset about potential sex ed stuff in there. But if that's not it, what is it? I'm genuinely trying to understand here. If it's a nebulous fear of 'worry', I mean most 2nd graders are doing those weekly reader news things, a lot of PTAs do fundraisers for homeless families (that could cause him to worry about the homeless kids), as you've discovered many youth organizations wish the kids to have some basic level of personal safety education, kids hear news stories, either inadvertantly when we forget to turn off a radio or in overhearing adults/other kids talking about it, ect.


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## dancebaraka (Dec 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redebeth* 
The trust thing has come up a couple of times. Trusting the school, the teacher, but really what we are talking about is trusting our government that sets the curriculum that our schools and teachers have to follow.

I am kind of surprised at how much trust there is on this board for the powers that be in regards to this movie.

Trusting the school is sort of a moot point. I have to deal with them every fall about my son not being vaxed, they use weed killers I would never use in my yard, and they feed the students things I wouldn't feed my children at home.

I am not judging the school,it's a good school, it's just the way things are.

I think I am here at MDC like alot of people because I question things, and I am looking for ideas and answers. I am questioning this not because I have some fantasy about some inappropriate and explicit movie being shown to my child, but because I think I should question almost everything that involves my child. At least a little bit.

For me, what I **trust** is my relationship with my kid and my ability to navigate this world with my kid. My response had absolutely nothing to do with my feelings about public edu or the gov't. IMO what we are also talking about is our ability to be in this world and not of it and how confident we are in our foundation. I feel confident that my daughter can know about this world and maintain her center. She is in fact our future and the generation that is coming has serious issues it is inheriting...
This is a cross cultural, international health issue that is imo relevant for our youth.
Like Bob Marley would tell us.. "tell the children the truth"...
I think we can do that in a conscious way.


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## MommaCrystal (May 25, 2006)

I wouldn't allow it. Not because I don't think kids that age shouldn't be taught that sort of material. I think it is probably a very good idea.

I bet the video is even pretty appropriate.

I would ask to borrow the video and watch it with my child during a quiet time. That way we could discuss it together and I would be able to ask questions and answer questions.

I don't trust the schools to do a good enough job. Popping a video in then maybe following up with a few canned questions from a curriculum. No. This is the sort of topic I think requires one-to-one guidance from a very close and trusted adult/parent. Where the child feels safe and comfortable enough to ask ANY question without the influence of peers or a teacher who they do not know as well as they know me.

School just isn't a safe enough place IMHO for such a heavy topic.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

I guess I don't see "Hey kids, don't cut each other with knives and rub your bloody hands together to declare the bonds of eternal brotherhood, kthnxbai" as 'heavy' material


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## WhaleinGaloshes (Oct 9, 2006)

Because my husband is positive for Hep. C, maybe it's easier for me to see this more simply as a safety/hygiene issue. I can't see how any loss of innocence comes from being taught or reminded to cover open cuts and call a teacher if someone bleeds. Germs are germs, and infectious disease exists and a 2nd grader already knows that and I don't think is too scared or overwhelmed by it. The beauty of children is that the stigma of AIDS is lost on them.

My daughter will be raised with these habits in mind and I think it will actually arm her well in staying healthy. I looked at the website, I would have no problem with my daughter watching it.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

The showing for the parents is on the evening of the last day they are showing it. After all the kids have seen it. It's strange.

Oh well, I'm thinking we'll probably need a mental health day that day . I feel one coming on.


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## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

I don't think it's "7 or 8 years"...I think it's closer to 3. Not every kid is having sex at 10, sure, but SOME are. I think it's a relevant/appropriate issue for a 2nd grader to know about.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redebeth* 
The trust thing has come up a couple of times. Trusting the school, the teacher, but really what we are talking about is trusting our government that sets the curriculum that our schools and teachers have to follow.

I am kind of surprised at how much trust there is on this board for the powers that be in regards to this movie.

Trusting the school is sort of a moot point. I have to deal with them every fall about my son not being vaxed, they use weed killers I would never use in my yard, and they feed the students things I wouldn't feed my children at home.

I am not judging the school,it's a good school, it's just the way things are.

I think I am here at MDC like alot of people because I question things, and I am looking for ideas and answers. I am questioning this not because I have some fantasy about some inappropriate and explicit movie being shown to my child, but because I think I should question almost everything that involves my child. At least a little bit.

Well it's about trusting our local school board, who sets the curriculum. I personally know the people on my school board (small town) so I personally trust those specific people, and I personally know the teacher and principal, and I trust them too. Which is why I asked IF you trusted the people in your schools. And when I said that the movie would be a smaller point than others I could think of if I didn't trust them, the vax, cafeteria, and weed-spray issues would be among the bigger problems.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Both of my kids saw similar films in 2nd grade - and we're talking about 6 & 8 years ago. Yes, they were very much "if someone's bleeding, don't touch and tell an adult" messages. Really, nothing inappropriate.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

Luckily I don't have a child that age yet but if I did I would agree as long as I could view it first. Mainly because I want to know what she/he is watching so I can answer questions and help with things that aren't clear to them. I don't think its bad to have AIDS/HIV awareness in school since there are children with the disease. I rather they learn about it from school and their parents than from what they might gleam from others conversations.


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ananas* 
I don't think it's "7 or 8 years"...I think it's closer to 3. Not every kid is having sex at 10, sure, but SOME are. I think it's a relevant/appropriate issue for a 2nd grader to know about.

I'm just popping in to ask you to clarify a bit what you mean by this quote? Is your point that in the near future these kids might start participating in sexual activities that could expose them to the HIV virus?

I would think that the vast majority of HIV positive children that are young enough to be in 2nd grade would have been exposed either in utero or during birth to the virus. Thus the need to educate his or her classmates that it's ok to be around a child who may also happen to have HIV.









(Here is the description of the video from it's website: "Ruby Petersen-Unger interacts with a small group of children as she leads a discussion on health, disease prevention and AIDS. Following the guidelines of the Surgeon General and the American Academy of Pediatrics, she defines what germs are and how they are spread. Song, dance, rap tunes, and visual effects help convey the message that AIDS is hard to get and that it's safe to play, share toys and attend class with someone who has AIDS.")


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redebeth* 
The showing for the parents is on the evening of the last day they are showing it. After all the kids have seen it. It's strange.

Why don't you just call up the school secretary and say that time doesn't work for you but you want to see it, when can you see it earlier?


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I looked at this which has the presentation guide for this film.

I would find it appropriate for my 8 year old.


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## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

after reading the description of the film and the guide at the link onlyzombiecat posted, I too think that it would be very appropriate for my 8 year old to see.


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I guess I don't see "Hey kids, don't cut each other with knives and rub your bloody hands together to declare the bonds of eternal brotherhood, kthnxbai" as 'heavy' material









Throughout most of this thread I leaned towards the "No way! My kid would not be seeing that. Are you crazy?" side, until I came across this.

Then I smacked my forhead. Duh! "Blood Brothers" and "Blood Sisters" and all the stuff. Sheesh. How did I forget? That totally changed the situation for me.

However, I don't believe in blindly trusting the teacher, or the school, so I'd probably still ask to see it in advance just to make sure I'd be ok with it. But if that weren't an option I'd probably sign the form. I do think it's too early for kids to be learning & dealing with this stuff, but it is reality, and I'd rather my son be informed at too young an age than uninformed and make a mistake with possibly deadly consequences.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

after reading the movie it is, i would definatly allow it.


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## mamawanabe (Nov 12, 2002)

I would have no problem with my kids knowing about hiv. In second grade i knew what sex was and that it could result in pregnancies (in fact i thought it happened every time) and passing of illness. I probably didn't know about condoms, but it wouldn't have hurt me to know about them. Knowlege doesn't make children not innocent. I credit my parents' very open and no-nnonsense attitude towards sex with me waiting till my 20s to actually have sex (my friends were all haveing sex by age 15-16)

That said I imagine this film is not about sex but about tolerance.


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## thebarkingbird (Dec 2, 2005)

sad as it is, in this day and age there are still people who discriminate against others based on their HIV status. i would totally allow my son to watch a movie about HIV. yes, it is an STD but it is also something that is a major factor in the lives of those who have it. it's not all about sex. herpes doesn't really affect your identity that much and people won't refuse to give you jobs if they think your might have it. it's easily hidden and there's really no reason to tell anyone unless they're your doctor or you're sleeping with them. not so with HIV. for better or worse, it's something people talk about and know about. i think kids need to know what HIV is and what it isn't. at this point they don't need to know all about how to screen sexual partners but they do need to know that it's not scary to give someone with AIDS a hug. you know, liberals (of which i am not one) don't spend nearly as much time educating young people about HIV as they did when i was a child and hard core hate mongers and religious extremists (of which i am also not one) have only redoubled their efforts. they hear about it just living in our culture and i think some of us don't realize it because when we were kids in the 80's it was ALL we heard about.

also, they left the sex part out. that leaves it open for parents to discuss it if they wish or to let their children's awareness of AIDS as a primal rally STD develop naturally as they age and watch the news.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I would say no and keep my child out of school for the day.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I would have no problem with it, and fully support it.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

So are you going to see the movie first?


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Now that I see what the movie is, I am changing my answer to yes.
That seems perfectly reasonable for second grade...esp since (as pp's have pointed out) there may be students at the school who have it.

I did the blood sisters thing with several of my girlfriends when I was little (but I was only about 6)
I hadn't even thought about warning ds about not getting in contact with other people's blood. I get so many good ideas here!!!!

.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

I don't think we're going to school that day. This is just one of those things that is what makes parenting so personal. I support everyone's decision for their own child, and I'm definitely glad this is out there for kids raised in super ignorant homes who hear awful things anyway.

That's all. I have no personal agenda against AIDS education. Far from it. I'm just saying it's one of many, many serious issues this world is facing, and I'm not trying to let him in on all of them as soon as possible. Also, the chance of my son swapping blood with someone who just happens to have a blood borne illness just doesn't seem very likely to me. That's all.

This all just makes me melancholy.

The "fast answer" in the title seems so silly now. No fast answers here.


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## SarahGuinn (Mar 6, 2002)

Considering the fact that my son knows at least one person who is HIV positive at the age of five, I would let him see it. It baffles me that anyone would even say no.


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## thebarkingbird (Dec 2, 2005)

redebeth,

why does it make you sad?


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

I haven't read all the replies.

I really think it depends on your kid. I am pretty much with you about not having them worry unnecessarily at such a young age, and my older son is definitely a worrier. I don't hide things from him, and I don't lie to him, but I don't deliberately expose him to "scary" things either. If he asked me what AIDS was, I would tell him. But I see no reason to bring it up at this point.


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

I think its totally appropriate. My child will definatly know about AIDS/HIV well before he is 7 or 8. This would the case even if he did not have a family member with the disease.

It is a big thing to worry about and something that we should ALL have to be aware of.

There was an estimated 2.5 million children living with HIV/AIDS worldwide last year. How can you ignore something like that?

I think the video is a good step to breaking down stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. I think, however, this should start *at home* at an earlier age.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

I'll be blunt. I think that the people who are saying OH NOZ! OUR LITTLE ONEZ CANTZ BE EXPOSED TO THE EVIL HIV!

are actually hiding a great deal of bigotry towards their misinterpretation of the disease. It's a 'gay' disease, it's a 'sex' disease and sex is bad and immoral!

And that attitude makes me feel ill.


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## SarahGuinn (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I'll be blunt. I think that the people who are saying OH NOZ! OUR LITTLE ONEZ CANTZ BE EXPOSED TO THE EVIL HIV!

are actually hiding a great deal of bigotry towards their misinterpretation of the disease. It's a 'gay' disease, it's a 'sex' disease and sex is bad and immoral!

And that attitude makes me feel ill.

I am not only ill but shocked because I suppose I live in my own little world where my kid's know quite a bit more than the average bear.

Do you guys listen to the news with your children around?

I keep the radio on NPR quite often. They know about the war going on and the realities of it beyond the ribbons on cars. I protect them from unnecessary evils but this doesn't seem like an evil to me. It's a reality. My oldest is almost six, he's not scared or depressed, he's just as happy and carefree as every other six year old boy he hangs out with. He just lives in the world with me.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I would have no problem with showing it. Accidents happen in gym class, sports, skinned bloody knee's at recess, etc. Kids should be taught WHY not to touch someone elses blood, and if they get it on them to immediately wash it off with hot soap and water.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I'll be blunt. I think that the people who are saying OH NOZ! OUR LITTLE ONEZ CANTZ BE EXPOSED TO THE EVIL HIV!

are actually hiding a great deal of bigotry towards their misinterpretation of the disease. It's a 'gay' disease, it's a 'sex' disease and sex is bad and immoral!

And that attitude makes me feel ill.

Oh Good Lord. That's not what I'm saying at all. I also don't make a point of bringing up drunk driving, war, murder, rape, cancer, heart failure or SIDS. If it comes up, we'll discuss it honestly. Until then, I'll follow his lead.

We've talked about sex, and we've had numerous discussion about families that have two mommies or two daddies, or one daddy or one mommy, or whatever. Sex and gay couples are nothing scary for him to be worried about. They are a healthy normal part of our world. From the very beginning we've discussed romantic love as two people who care deeply for each other. We discuss marriage in terms of two people, men or women. It's is a complete non issue in our household. HIV/AIDS is scary for even adults, and I don't see any reason that he needs to be exposed to it the age of 7.

Maybe for some people it's a sex or homophobic issue, but don't paint us all with the same brush. In our case you couldn't be further from the truth.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SarahGuinn* 
I am not only ill but shocked because I suppose I live in my own little world where my kid's know quite a bit more than the average bear.

Do you guys listen to the news with your children around?

I keep the radio on NPR quite often. They know about the war going on and the realities of it beyond the ribbons on cars. I protect them from unnecessary evils but this doesn't seem like an evil to me. It's a reality. My oldest is almost six, he's not scared or depressed, he's just as happy and carefree as every other six year old boy he hangs out with. He just lives in the world with me.

Yes, that's your child. Mine has terrifying nightmares about certain situations. Everything is "reality." The reality is someone could break into our house tonight and kill us all in our sleep, but that's not something I'm going to bring up unnecessarily.

And no, I don't listen to the news with my kids around. I don't listen to the news in general - I read it. If they ask, we discuss. If they need to know now, we discuss. For us, AIDS/HIV doesn't fit into either of these categories at the moment. (And I find most news to be fear mongering crap, so we choose not to have it our lives any more than necessary. We read to get the info we need.)


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
HIV/AIDS is scary for even adults, and I don't see any reason that he needs to be exposed to it the age of 7.

I havent read the whole thread...but for me, HIV isnt "scary"....its just a disease, one that can kill you if you dont get adequate treatment. I inquired about a child i saw on an Ohio adoption photolisting, who was HIV+, but he was adopted before i could find out more info. My first response wasnt "oohhh scary" but rather "oh, HIV, i think i could deal with that"...when i was growing up, "AIDS education" really hammered home that HIV is a death sentence...that isnt the case anymore, with proper health care. Its more of a chronic, manageable disease that kids are growing up with. There are babies who were HIV+ twenty years ago, who are now thriving as adults.

I dont know why talking about this disease would make someone very sad, or not want to expose their child to the information....i would just tell my child that its a disease you can get certain ways, that left untreated can kill you, but with treatment individuals can live long lives. And that you can't catch the disease from all the normal human interaction (hugging, kissing, touching etc) but that you should be sure never to share blood with someone because its not only HIV you can be exposed to.

I just dont get how thats scary.









Katherine


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

You don't get how a disease that can kill you could be scary to a child? Kids aren't always rational. I've told ds a thousand times that little kids don't go to jail (and that I would never send him to jail - complete with discussions about how law enforcement and sentencing works), but every time I get mad at him for something he did "wrong" he gets all worried and says "Are you going to send me to jail?"

When the topic comes up, I will tell him pretty much what you said in your post. I just don't see the need to sit him down and show him a film about it at this particular time. When it's appropriate or relevant to him, we'll discuss it. I don't see why that's a big deal.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

kids need to be exposed to the fact that its a scary disease because they could easily contract it from touching someones open wound on the playground! they need to be taught not to touch blood that isnt their own unless they have gloves on. I can't believe someone would bury their head in the sand and not teach their kids the safety aspects of this.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wonderwahine* 
kids need to be exposed to the fact that its a scary disease because they could easily contract it from touching someones open wound on the playground! they need to be taught not to touch blood that isnt their own unless they have gloves on. I can't believe someone would bury their head in the sand and not teach their kids the safety aspects of this.

That's completely different than sitting kids down and showing them a movie. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm not talking about refusing to discuss basic hygiene with my kids. We've already talked about why nurses/doctors wear gloves.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

You know, I really wanted to give up on this thread because no one seemed to understand what I'm saying. I'm not a bigot, and I have no need or desire to try and prove that either.

Ocean baby seems to, though, so that is something.

When my son went to public school he became very germ fearing because of the teacher's attitude and all the purell everywhere. To this day, he will only share a drink with me, no one else. Forget food, or anything else. He knows all about germs and viruses. I hope he never takes microbiology because he will probably lose it completely. He has a tendency to take these things seriously.

When I listen to NPR in the car, my son has headphones on listening to the white stripes or something. I gave them for him for this purpose, because I don't let him listen to a lot of things reported on NPR.

This makes me sad because I didn't realize how many people seem to take pride in their children being exposed to 'more than the average bear'. My son is not sheltered, we deal with things as they come. Not when the school system dictates we should.


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## mamawanabe (Nov 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redebeth* 

This makes me sad because I didn't realize how many people seem to take pride in their children being exposed to 'more than the average bear'. My son is not sheltered, we deal with things as they come. Not when the school system dictates we should.

It probably depends on how you were raised, your temperment, and your child's temperment. I imagine this is why teh school send the permission slip home. Different parents will go different ways on this.

I watched the news and listed to NPR with my parents from day one. I used to lie in bed at age 7 and imagine myself on crossfire convincing the opposing guest that the death penalty was wrong. At 8 I used to listen to Joan Baez songs (mabel joy was my favorite - about a prostitue and the georgia farm boy who fell in love with her and ended up getting shot - prison Trilogy was another favorite). It was a rich and wonderful childhood for me and I will provide the same for my children unless I see that tempermentally they can't handle seeing the world in all its complicated beauty and injustice at a young age.

It is fine if you don't want your son to see the movie. It is fine that the school is offering to show the movie.

Good luck.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
You don't get how a disease that can kill you could be scary to a child?.

I was responding to this:

Quote:

HIV/AIDS is scary for even adults
Lots of things are scary for kids....the monster under the bed is scary, thunderstorms are scary.

But if a parent doesnt allow the child to see the film, and wants to protect them even from the idea of diseases, such as HIV,....dont you think when that kid goes to school the next day *someone* (another child) is going to mention it to him?! How are you going to protect him from *that*?

Katherine


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Ask around - lots of adults think that a potentially life threatening disease is scary. I do. I think cancer is scary. Doesn't mean I think a person with cancer is scary.

If the other kids are talking about it, and ds wants to ask me questions, then we'll talk about it.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
Ask around - lots of adults think that a potentially life threatening disease is scary. I do. I think cancer is scary. Doesn't mean I think a person with cancer is scary.

If the other kids are talking about it, and ds wants to ask me questions, then we'll talk about it.

But you dont see how you can extrapolate "scary person with disease" from "scary disease"? Ryan White was harassed for the most part because people were scared, they were afraid for their children. Throw in some bigotry and ignorance, and it makes it that much worse.

I guess we're just different. I dont think its such a jump from labelling a disease scary to the person with the disease (you know, the person who can *infect* you with this scary disease) being considered scary.

I guess if you have the mindset that HIV is scary, then yeah, your kid might get scared when you are explaining it to them.

I just dont get how labelling any disease as "scary" is helpful to understanding that disease or to preventing discrimination against those with the disease.

Katherine


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

We're just getting into semantics here. If no one was "scared" of getting HIV, then we wouldn't be talking about ways to protect ourselves from it. A lot of people think that something that can kill you is scary. You can substitute whatever word you like to use. I'm picking a word that my 7yo uses to describe things that worry him.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
Ask around - lots of adults think that a potentially life threatening disease is scary. I do. I think cancer is scary. Doesn't mean I think a person with cancer is scary.

If the other kids are talking about it, and ds wants to ask me questions, then we'll talk about it.

when kids think something is scary and dont understand it, they shun the person with it, that is why it needs to be taught in school


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## caitryn (Aug 18, 2005)

Honestly, I agree with the concept of teaching some things as they come up. Some parents might actually be surprised at all the opportunities that can arise to bring up topics... at any age. It's more a matter of catering the teaching to the individual child, which can be EXTREMELY difficult in a public/private school setting. (My mom claims she spent a great deal of time un-teaching me and my sister while we were going to public school.)

Using HIV/AIDS as an example, I vaguely remember seeing news reports about Ryan White and others during the 80s and asking my mom about them. Mom would explain the basics to me of how the people were sick and other people were being stupid for not treating them like humans. After all, when someone gets the flu we should try to take care of them, give them medicine, make chicken soup, whatever. Why should another disease be different? Knowing it was a type of illness made me not want to go out and get it, but it didn't make me want to treat those people like less than dogs if I were to ever meet them or others like them.

My little sister opened the doors for conversation a little earlier. She was watching Saturday morning cartoons when one of the classic "Get drunk, get stupid, get AIDS" commercials came on. Since it was right in the middle of all the commercials about toys and cereals, she immediately said, "Mom, can I have AIDS?" That was a fun conversation that Mom still talks about.

As far as the movie, I agree with the previous posters about wanting to screen the film first or, at the very least, research the title online. If it's like most of the films we watched in school, a copy could probably be found at the public library. Is/was it a film geared specifically toward children like The Magic School Bus series or something? (I know there have been plenty of times favorite cartoon characters have been used in educational films.) If it were something like And the Band Played On, I would be iffy on the child seeing it depending on the child. That was a movie I actually didn't get to see until a college psychology class. I fully plan on having my child/children watching it when they are older, too, because it is the best one I've ever seen.

Regardless, since the OP did sign the slip allowing for the movie to be watched, I would make sure to discuss the movie thoroughly with the child as soon as school was out. It's always best to make sure the lines of communication remain open and that things can be clarified. It also gives the parent more ideas of what to talk about at home and if further study is immediately required. (Of course, this is all based completely on how I was raised since my first child has yet to arrive.)


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wonderwahine* 
when kids think something is scary and dont understand it, they shun the person with it, that is why it needs to be taught in school

We homeschool, so I actually don't rely on school to teach my kids basic respect and acceptance of all human beings. We've got that covered.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

for those that say you have really sensitive kids and try not to expose them to negative things....how do you, for example, explain why they need to wear a helmet on their bikes or be in a carseat? I would imagine at some point, those conversations (esp for an older kids who is 7 or 8) would veer to "you can get a brain injury" or "you could die", no matter how much you sugarcoat it. How is that different from explaining that sometimes people get diseases that make them sick and could be fatal? i would guess that by age 7 most kids have been exposed to death in some form (whether through a relative dying, or a beloved pet, or seeing something in passing in the news), and so talking about a disease that could be fatal isnt a huge leap.

Katherine


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Right. I don't tell my kids, "You have to use a car seat or you could be HORRIBLY MANGLED WITH PIECES FALLING OUT AND SEVERED LIMBS in a terrible crash AND YOUR HEAD WILL SMASH OPEN LIKE AN EGG AND ALL YOUR BRAINS WILL FALL ON THE PAVEMENT AND LOOK LIKE SCRAMBLED EGGS if you don't wear a helmet!"

I just say, "Wear a helmet so you don't get a boo-boo on your noggin". Or "We buckle up for safety!"

And you don't say, THE AIDS is a bad horrible disease that could KILL YOU! Seriously you could just be sitting around some day and someone sneezes on you and ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU ARE DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING! So don't have unsafe sex, kthnxbai, little 8 year olds.

No, we just say, "Some diseases can be transmitted with blood. There are lots of different kinds of diseases like HIV. That's why when someone gets a cut, you shouldn't touch it, and if you get a cut, you should tell a grown up right away."

Oceanbaby, I apologize for the broad brush strokes. I know that wouldn't apply to you


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I'll be blunt. I think that the people who are saying OH NOZ! OUR LITTLE ONEZ CANTZ BE EXPOSED TO THE EVIL HIV!

are actually hiding a great deal of bigotry towards their misinterpretation of the disease. It's a 'gay' disease, it's a 'sex' disease and sex is bad and immoral!

And that attitude makes me feel ill.

You know, I was going to let this slide because you are obviously so wrapped up in making your point, no matter what I come back at you with you are simply not going to hear. But for the record...

I mentioned before when I was young my dad was an md in the military in the early years of AIDS/HIV. We lived in Texas for 3 years while he was doing his research in a very small community. He worked with monkeys and would tell me quite a bit about it.

In 5th or 6th grade, my father and I attended a meeting at the local Baptist (i think) church that many of my friends from school went to. We did not go to church, as my parents are atheists. It was an after hours thing and I remember it only vaguely, really only my dad doing alot of talking about AIDS and people getting up and leaving.

He was trying to explain to them that AIDS was not a gay disease.That anyone could get it. This wasn't taken well. In fact my best friend was not allowed to come over to our house after that. We no longer participated in the carpool, I had to take the bus which took hours to get home after school.

My parents are not activists. This was a solitary incident which ruined my social life in this small town until we moved a year later. (to SF by the way)

There I participated in the Shanti project in middle school, the Aids quilt in high school and had a great time growing up in San Francisco, going to the Castro every Halloween, and really, learning a whole lot about 'alternative lifestyles' as more of my friends had two mamas or dads (or one or the other), than had a 'traditional' family.

I am not a 'bigot'. I am not 'misinterpreting the disease'. I have a philosophy that I follow, and that is all. That frankly, I thought more people shared. You want to raise your kids as mini-adults, go right ahead. Mine will have a childhood, and not end up as jaded 13 year olds who have seen and heard everything.

I think before you go generalizing, you should remember that the more you think you know, the less you really do.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

You know what? I am really tired of the attitude that people who disagree with you are raising mini adults or depriving their children of childhoods.

Warning 2nd or 3rd graders to not do blood brothers or sisters because of the possibility of blood borne diseases in not robbing them of a childhood.

I think you are way underestimating children and their abilities.


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## SarahGuinn (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *redebeth* 
Mine will have a childhood, and not end up as jaded 13 year olds who have seen and heard everything.

This makes me incredibly angry. You have some nerve.

My kids know about AIDS because my friend has it and my neighbor has it and often is extremely swollen because of steroid treatments.

My kids are having a joyful and fabulous childhood. They just happen to live in our reality, not the one you would like to create for your children based on your crappy experience of having your social life ruined.

And to another poster, this isn't about pride. You can be sad as you like for our children and I'll feel sad for your extremely sensitive children as well having to wear ear plugs and listening to the white stripes instead of listening to current events.


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I'll be blunt. I think that the people who are saying OH NOZ! OUR LITTLE ONEZ CANTZ BE EXPOSED TO THE EVIL HIV!

are actually hiding a great deal of bigotry towards their misinterpretation of the disease. It's a 'gay' disease, it's a 'sex' disease and sex is bad and immoral!

And that attitude makes me feel ill.

Um, wow.

Would I rather my child not be exposed to HIV? Of course! Why wouldn't I want to shelter and protect their child from all the harm in the world? I'd also my children not have to see someone they love die from cancer, as I have seen. I'd also rather they not see someone they love die of heart disease, as I have seen. I'd much rather my kids never have to know about the evil and violence in the world, also.

And yes, I'd really rather my kids never be at risk for something that would drastically change their lives and potentially kill them.

I don't think a person is wrong for not wanting to expose their child to the harsh realities of the world. They are innocent for such a short time that we naturally want to nurture that.

You don't want to shelter your child and want to let them see what HIV does and educate them, and that's fine. Your kids, your parenting, your choice. I don't think there's a right or wrong here. Different parents will have different POV's on this, and that's ok.

I just don't think a person is a bigot for not wanting their young child to not be exposed to the harsh realities of the world. Just as I think a parent isn't horrible and jading their child and ruining their innocence for letting them see a movie about HIV in school.

I just don't get the lack of tolerance these days on other people's parenting decisions.


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## redebeth (Apr 23, 2006)

I'm the same poster BTW. I never said anything about pride, so I don't know what that is all about.

I'm being called a bigot and defending myself and you are incredibly mad? Okay.

If we had friend with HIV then my kids would know about it, we'd talk about it, no big deal. I'm not saying that makes them jaded.

My point is, where does it stop? Why not deal with things as they get brought up? I've repeated myself over and over.

I'm not judging anyone's parenting, sorry if it sounded that way, I phrased it poorly.

I have my answer and I'm fine with it.


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## SarahGuinn (Mar 6, 2002)

Oh, you're judging.









You last post and the one directly before that are completely opposite of each other.

I think you are being called a bigot, although I didn't say it, because AIDS and HIV aren't just a disease, it's about people. It's not a singular cell walking around looking for other faceless cells. It's people, so that is how someone could come up with the term bigot in response to not wanting to talk to your children about it. It's like not wanting your children to know about a religion's followers or something.

Wait, I'm a bigot, I don't want my children to know about Scientologists.

Anyhow, it doesn't _begin_ or _stop_, it's called living your life and handling things as they come. It doesn't always come in the form of a friend or family member, sometimes it comes in the form of a film to help prep your child appropriately. It's brought up, you turned away. You're happy with that. Okay.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

my son will grow up watching rent along with me and his dad, he will be taught all about HIV when he asks, he will be taught the safety aspects of it and also that they are not people to fear on the playground, I hope he does become one of those "jaded" 13 yr olds.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

You know, to us its all about the right information at the right time. I volunteer locally for an AIDS organization. I wear my little red ribbon (and so does my son- he wanted one), my son goes to the clinic/office, etc. He is 3. Right now, to him AIDS is something that makes people sick, and we all know what being sick is like so we try to help them feel better. Someday we will get to the next stage. Someday he will know the whole story. In time. But not now. Right now he is learning compassion, seeing his mother treat people with HIV/AIDS with respect, etc.

And just FYI- AIDS is no longer the death sentance it was in the '80s. There is no cure, but HIV is now considered a fairly manageable long term illness and those with HIV can often lead long and healthy lives.

There are many things we take this approach to. We are Jewish. The holocaust is a major part of our modern history and our own family history. We absolutely address the holocaust- but at an age appropriate level. At 3 years old, we talk about treating people kindly. We talk about standing up for others. We talk about exclusion and how that makes people feel. We talk about being Jewish. But we have not used the word "holocaust" and don't intend to for a while. But little by little it will come out, each stage bringing a few more facts, a few more ideas when DS has the maturity to understand them (as best as anything like the holocaust could be understood). We discuss sex, but at 3 years old that means talking about respecting our bodies and others bodies. It means giving names to our body parts and learning how to care for our own hygene. We talk about different kinds of love.

I believe it is totally appropriate (and necessary) to discuss hygene related to blood to children (without the scare tactics- but in terms of "staying healthy"). And I don't think that 2nd graders need to get into the nitty gritty of AIDS but can be able to build compassion for those impacted by it.

Life is complex and there is lots of pain in the world. It is really not about "avoiding it" or "protecting kids from it" but talking about things in a way and at a time that they can come to build an understanding of the world that comes from a sense of security, truth and compassion.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamawanabe* 
It was a rich and wonderful childhood for me and I will provide the same for my children unless I see that tempermentally they can't handle seeing the world in all its complicated beauty and injustice at a young age.

I also had a very un-sheltered childhood, and appreciate that so much -- and really, I appreciated it as a child, too. I think it helped to make me the confident person I am today -- because I knew my parents trusted me, valued my opinion, and wanted me to experience the richness of the world.

I am very proud of the way I educate my children and introduce them to topics that other parents (apparently) shy away from, and their lives are absolutely enriched by the way they're being raised.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
Yes, that's your child. Mine has terrifying nightmares about certain situations. Everything is "reality." The reality is someone could break into our house tonight and kill us all in our sleep, but that's not something I'm going to bring up unnecessarily.

*Danger: personal baggage ahead







* Oceanbaby I'm sort of spinning off your post and this is really general. I quoted you just because of the nightmares; I had those too.

I was a sensitive little kid to those kinds of things. I really wish they had had developmentally-appropriate films about my fears. (Nuclear war was a big one. Leukemia was another.)

Obviously you know your child, but for *me* people acknowledging reality and talking about the fear and how to manage it helped me a lot more than my mother's non-reality based approach. In my completely personal experience, my parents trying to "keep things innocent" functionally became a sign that flashed *THIS IS SO DANGEROUS WE CANNOT EVEN MENTION IT.* And my anxiety went through the roof.

Worse... the message I actually got most loudly was that my "innocence" was super-important to my parents. That's one of many reasons I endured years of abuse at the hands of a relative.

I do actually remember getting the "good touch/bad touch" talk at school (very early 80s version) and being both relieved to hear someone say that what made me feel dirty was "bad" and incredibly, forever, trapped in the knowledge that I could never ever ever talk about this with my parents. Because in their world (as I perceived it) it didn't exist, not in that way. I never had the feeling that my parents wanted to deal with anything negative, because they spent so much energy in blocking it out. So when the negative happened, I never brought it up.

So I just caution that whenever you chose to censor OR deliver a message to our kids, be aware that your extremely good and loving intentions may not match the message that they get.


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## Needle in the Hay (Sep 16, 2006)

Oceanbaby and a few others who said they handle things as they come up--I absolutely agree. OP, I understand why you weren't sure what to do. It's hard trying to make a decision at the last minute.
I can't really answer the question since school is not part of our lives. If they were showing the movie at the community center, we wouldn't go see it. If there was a kid/family movie DS thought looked good that had a character who was HIV+ we would go see it.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

I can't help but wonder if this is being shown for a reason. Perhaps a child in his class is HIV positive. My advice would be to keep that in mind and if he won't watch the film, then go over basic safety with him.


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

To the moms saying that they will deal with the HIV/AIDS thing "when it comes up".... hasn't it just come up?


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## thebarkingbird (Dec 2, 2005)

that's the thing. i don't know that it does come up that much anymore unless you meet someone with HIV. the only shows where it's ever mentioned now are like adult news shows. in the late 80's and early 9Os it was on all the shows young teens watched and in a few places where kids would see it.

for us it came up when little sibling's uncle was diagnosed. DS hasn't asked about it yet. this thread has lead to think i ought to explain to him about contact with other's blood.


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

But it doesn't come up just when you meet someone with HIV/AIDS.

This is a worldwide crisis we are talking about here..an epidemic.. .There are millions upon millions of people living with this disease worldwide. Its a day-to-day reality (ie it effects peoples lives) for I would say a majority of people on subsaharan africa and in india...

Just becuase it not as widespread on this continent doesn't mean it should be ignored.

I plan on letting my children know that not all the worlds kids are as lucky to be shielded from such sad things.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thebarkingbird* 
the only shows where it's ever mentioned now are like adult news shows. in the late 80's and early 9Os it was on all the shows young teens watched and in a few places where kids would see it.

Not that little kids would be watching...but General Hospital has a main character (Robin) who developed HIV in, oh, the 90s i guess, when another main character (her boyfriend) had a major plotline where he was dying of AIDS...it was during a time when AIDS was a "hot topic"...but they havent forgotten that Robin is indeed HIV+, and when she returned to the show (now a grown up successful doctor), she fell in love, and is now pregnant...they've discussed in depth all the issues involved in making those decisions, possibly exposing her lover, the testing, etc....i thought it was so neat that years ago all the storylines on TV involving HIV ended in a character tragically dying of AIDS, but now the storylines revolve more about "living with HIV" and how to have a normal life despite having a chronic illness.

Katherine


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## thebarkingbird (Dec 2, 2005)

that is neat. and i think alot of kids see soaps. it's where i learned about french kissing. my granny kept them on while she cleaned


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## Needle in the Hay (Sep 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ziggysmama* 
To the moms saying that they will deal with the HIV/AIDS thing "when it comes up".... hasn't it just come up?

No it has not come up here. I'm sure it will at some point, in some way--stuff comes up all the time! I feel my DS has plenty of time to take in this stuff a little bit at a time--he doesn't need to know all the ills of the world by age 7. We are also often out in nature where the focus is on the beauty of the world.


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## Needle in the Hay (Sep 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *queenjane* 
Not that little kids would be watching...but General Hospital has a main character (Robin) who developed HIV in, oh, the 90s i guess, when another main character (her boyfriend) had a major plotline where he was dying of AIDS...

Katherine

I remember that! I remember Stone dying and Robin getting kidnapped (by Ryan?) and she didn't have her hiv medication. It must have been early 90s when I still lived in the U.S. My roommate used to tape it so we rarely missed it!


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## Kapat (Apr 28, 2008)

They screened an HIV movie when my sonwas that age, the reason was, there was going to be a new kid in his classroom with HIV+, but there was a meeting with us beforehand...


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