# It's been one week since I said goodbye to Lachlan



## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

One week ago today, my husband and I said goodbye to our little boy Lachlan. He lived for 8 days, and they were the most painful days we've ever experienced. There were also many times of joy, and I couldn't believe how beautiful and perfect my little Lachlan looked, and how much I loved him. It's all been such a shock, and it all happened so fast. Sometimes I still have to remind myself that it really happened. When I look down at my C-section scar I feel robbed and sad. I've been reading all of your other stories, and while they are so sad and I wish that none of us were going through this grief, being here on this forum makes me feel supported and not alone. Here is the story of my little boy, which some of you may have already read on the June due date club:

http://lachlan-rubinstein.blogspot.com/

Sometimes I feel OK and able to go on with normal things. Other times, something will remind me of all the plans I had for my little boy -- how I never got to bring him home, how it was so sad how injured he was, how I wanted to carry him in a sling, how I wanted to give him the best of everything and have such a good life, how I wanted to take him to the beach and skiing, how I just wanted to take him with me to the local coffee shop -- and then I feel all the sadness creep in again and I feel overwhelmed. I feel sad that I never really got to mother my baby, and how everything was all so medical and not how it was supposed to be. There are so many different emotions and feelings, but I'm going OK, and I know that it may take a while, but everything will be OK.

Anyway I mainly wanted to introduce myself in this forum, as I'm sure I'll have a lot of questions and things to talk about here in the coming months...


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## girlygirl707 (Apr 23, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sending lots of prayers and hugs your way...


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I'm so sorry, mama. He was beautiful.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Jules09,







s to you, Mama.
I am so, so sorry that Lachlan is not in your arms as he should be.
I read his/your story. What a beautiful boy!
You're right - you will be okay. It will take time.
Grief is a long, hard journey (one that I don't think we ever really finish -
it just changes, and so do we.)
I spent hours and hours here and at Share after I lost my son.
You & your DH are in my thoughts.

Em


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## Code Name Mama (Oct 5, 2007)

I just read the story of your baby on your blog. What a beautiful baby, I am so sorry for you loss.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

What a beautiful baby! I am so sorry Lachlans not in your arms, mama. What a heartbreaking thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Big big HUGS.







:


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

OMG, mama, I floored. I am so sorry. He is so beautiful. I am so sorry you and your husband are having to survive this... Its so hard to lose your most beautiful person, especially so soon after you met. I'm bawling my eyes out. The NICU pics are beautiful, I really love the picture holding hands. You are going to be OK. One of the books on loss I read talked about establishing the "new normal".

It was my experience that I grieved twice. Once, after Asa was born, the loss of my dreams of a healthy child, like you said, going to the coffee shop, going skiing, etc. But you get there, and then there is a whole new loss.

Nothing is ever going to be the same, you are surviving the greatest loss of your life. I am thinking about you. If there is anything at all that I can offer, please let me know. I am just so touched by your story.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss. He is beautiful.















Lachlan


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

Thinking of you today.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss... I am glad that you were able to meet him and tell him how much you loved him...


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Oh mama, I am so very sorry you have needed to find us. I read your husband's loving words - little Lachlan's name was just perfect, wasn't it? He was such a little fighter, and he is GORGEOUS.

When Emma died in Ocotber, the best piece of advice another babylost mama gave me was to take it minute by minute. After a while you find you take it hour by hour, then day by day - although sometimes something pushes you back to living minute by minute. That's okay - in the early days it is survival. I wish you such gentle days as you learn to live without your precious boy. We are here to honour him with you.


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## MFuglei (Nov 7, 2002)

I'm so very sorry.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so sorry you're here.


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## Carolyn R (Mar 31, 2008)

So, so sorry, mama. Lachlan was precious. You will be in my prayers that the coming months bring you healing and peace. This just isn't fair that you have to go through this, but know you will get through and find unexpected gifts along the way.


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## APintheAF (Jan 9, 2006)

I read Lachlan's story. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I hope you find support here.


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## mommabear207 (Nov 19, 2007)

I read your story, it made me cry. I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful little one.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our stories are similar in that blood loss caused our sons' deaths. The cause of blood loss in my case was a velamentous cord insertion and vasa previa. Our son was born the same color as white copy paper - I've never seen anyone that white before. Our little one lived for 12 hours and then the doctors told us he wouldn't make it - they had to resuscitate him a number of times before we could even get to him (they had transferred him to the local children's hospital). He died in my arms and we will miss him always.

It's been eight months since our son died. After we got through the shock of our loss there are good days and bad days. Somehow you learn to live with the new reality. I told DH it feels like our lives have been switched to a different track and we'll never get back to where we were going before. It just feels like things will always not be right again and that has to be okay.

I'll pray for your family - this is a hard road to travel but you are not alone. We're here.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Oh mama. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious Lachlan. I couldn't hold back the tears while reading your story. So, so sorry. The circumstances for being here suck immensely, but these ladies are wonderful. They're a great support. My heart goes out to you and your family and my thoughts are with you all. Many hugs.














Love and Light.







:

Lachlan


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## countrygirl28 (Jan 26, 2008)

I couldn't read your story and not post anything. I'm so sorry for your loss, mama! Your son was beautiful!


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry, mama.























Your little Lachlan is beautiful.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

Lachlan is gorgeous. I'm so very sorry about your loss. Sorry to welcome you to the board.


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

I am so sorry to see you on this board, but glad you found it. This is a wonderful group of women.
















Lachlan


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## Dalene (Apr 14, 2008)

I found your husband's blog in the June DDC and have been following along. I'm so glad that you are joining us here. I don't know how else I could have survived this past year after the death of my first son. I'm so sorry about Lachlan--what a beautiful little boy.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

there aren't words mama







s


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## slylives (Mar 4, 2007)

God bless you. I wish you peace and comfort as you mourn your beautiful son.


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## barefootbabies (Jun 6, 2007)

I'm so sorry, what a sweet boy.


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## mischievium (Feb 9, 2003)

Oh, honey, my heart breaks for you and your little Lachlan.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Oh, mama. I'm so, so sorry. I saw the pictures of your beautiful, precious boy on your blog. The words you wrote about your short time together were incredibly moving, and I'm sure Lachlan felt immensely loved during his short time with you.








s Peace to you and your family.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I wish you all healing for your own losses.


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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