# Am I the only one that doesn't smoke pot?



## cymbeline (Oct 18, 2005)

I remember being in a playgroup when my oldest was 2. All the mamas sat around and talked about whether it was appropriate to ask new moms to the group if they owned a gun. Our politics on gun laws aside, none of us was comfortable going to another family's house if we knew there was a loaded gun in the house.

Now my oldest is 11, and I am suddenly realizing how many of our friends with kids his age smoke pot recreationally. Not that I haven't known this for a while... it is just that now he is at an age where the kids are figuring out what their parents are doing and where they keep their stash, etc. And some of the parents are even of the mindset that it is ok to expose the kids to it as long as they are "monitored" or in a "safe space" (ie, do it with mom or dad).

Obviously, DH and I don't smoke. Politically, I think pot should be legalized, but it isn't legal yet, and there is no gray area in my house for illegal behavior.

We've talked to 11yo about drugs, and we've briefly talked about "what if" a friend's parent was doing drugs and offered him some. I'm torn, though: Should we name names or assume he will figure it out on his own? Should we confront those parents directly and risk being socially ousted from our circle?

The worst part is that we are starting to feel like the only people in the neighborhood that don't smoke weed. And as we meet new people, I am left wondering -- when is it ok to ask? Is it ever?


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## treegardner (May 28, 2009)

I feel the same way you do and no, we don't smoke either.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Well, I don't smoke pot (at least, I haven't in years and years) - but I don't really think it's any of your business. Do you ask people if they have alcohol in their house? Do you assume that parents who smoke cigarettes are going to then allow your kids to smoke them in their house, or even smoke around them? I don't think I'd allow my kids in the house of someone who I thought lacked the kind of judgment that would be required to smoke pot around someone else's child or give them access to it - whether I knew they smoked or not. Smoking pot doesn't make someone irresponsible.

So, no, I don't think it's ever appropriate to ask. I also don't think it's helpful. As you said, we're talking about something illegal here - if they have reason to think you disapprove, they probably would choose not to be upfront about it for fear of repercussions.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I smoked it for the first time in 25 years the other day. It's definitely overrated, and I couldn't have an intelligent conversation for three hours. I leaned against a stair rail pretending to look casual for an hour... when it was the only thing holding me up.

So, anybody who claims they can smoke pot and be a "Better driver" or "make clear decisions" is either lying, or deluded... or I was smoking the best pot in the world. Either way, there was no way I could have made any decisions much less driven safely.

I probably wont do it again.


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## Una (Aug 16, 2008)

I do think it's OK to discuss drug use with adult friends. I do not smoke pot myself anymore, but my DP does, and so do some of our friends. I have clear established boundaries on what I think is appropriate and what is inappropriate. I want to know what the parents of my kids friends are doing, especially if I am ever to allow them over to their houses.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I leaned against a stair rail pretending to look casual for an hour... when it was the only thing holding me up.

ROFL! This reminds me of my husband's first (and only) time - he immediately fell asleep. Said he didn't need pot to let him do that.

I've never smoked it and never wanted to. But I would never think to ask someone else if they do. As long as they aren't high or dealing around my kids I don't really think it is any of my business.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

What a good idea, to think this through... of course my DD is so young things might be very different once she's of an age to use, but I had already thought about the gun issue, but not this.

I sometimes feel this way, too. I know a LOT of my friends, be they mama friends or old high school friends, whatever, use pot. I support decriminalization, but I'm just not interested, myself. I think asking about alcohol and other things being locked up, if young people are hanging out unsupervised, is a good idea. Most of our friends I would feel comfortable gently asking. I don't think it's too bizarre to ask, and to maybe make your family's comfort level knows. (I do know of parents--I teach high school--who basically reward their teens for doing pot, but I think if they are friends, they can respect your wishes easily). Gosh, maybe I'm a totally dork but I don't think anyone would be offended, it's not like you're saying Ihate what you do, just please don't include my kid. And I wouldn't name names to my kids, but I think a conversation about it ahead of time like you say is smart.

I cross posted with some people-- I agree it would be odd to ask someone if they use it, but not odd to ask about the set up at home, just as you would if you lived somewhere with lots of guns-- just like checking that it's locked up. Just a quick conversation about it-- I would never mind if someone asked if we kept our alcohol locked up or not. Like, my parents never did but we never tried to get into it, either, but I think it would have been reasonable to for a friend's parent to ask them about it.


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## rhiOrion (Feb 17, 2009)

I would absolutely not name names to your son. For one thing, you don't know that these parents are irresponsible about it- they could keep it locked up.

For another thing you'd be telling your son whose sock drawer to search should he ever want to try it.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

Well in my state there are many people who have medical marijuana permits, including multiple family members. So for some it is illegal and for some it's not. Most of the people I know do and I can say that most of them are pretty darn mellow, happy people and parents.

I guess where I live it's even more of a gray area due to the fact that many people are totally allowed to possess and have it.

I wouldn't tell your son who does and doesn't though.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I got sidetracked and didn't answer your original question.

I know which of my friends smoke pot, and which ones don't. But, my 18 yr old daughter doesn't know.

She does however know which of HER friends smoke pot, where they buy it and how to get it. She's known it for years.

My point is, the adults in your son's life are the least of your problems. It's the kids in his school. He might not know where to buy pot now... but, by 8th grade, he'll know.

I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I really like what eclipse said. I don't think it's really your business if their friend's parents smoke pot. But then, I would feel much more wary if their parents were alcoholics vs. someone who smoked on a daily bases, yk? I'm assuming most of these parents are recreational users as you said, and it's not going to hinder their ability to care for their children or their 11 yo friends who happen to be over at their house.

I agree with you that it should be legalized; however, just b/c it is technically still illegal, it's not like meth or other hardcore drugs where there is an immediate concern and your children would be in danger being around it, or there is a real risk of serious police involvement (unless these parents are also dealers). So, I guess for me, there is a gray area with regards to breaking the law and marijuana use. I don't want my kids around someone who does dangerous illegal things - such as those that put other people at risk, but occasional pot smoking just isn't in that category.

nextcommercial - LOL - I think the difference is not the MJ itself, but that people who smoke, say, throughout the day, every day, are much more likely to function as normal afterwards vs. someone who has tried it once in 25 years. It's sort of like comparing my mom who will drink half a glass of wine and fall asleep vs. my DH who can drink 6 beers and feel a little buzzed. Not that I should be comparing MJ to alcohol - one is pretty dangerous and the other, regardless of being illegal, doesn't have near the potential to cause harm. But ykwim.

eta: Norasmom - that's a good point. I know a lot of people in CO with medical marijuana cards. So, if we still lived there, it would be likely that my kids would have friends whose parents consumed it legally. I guess you could ask if those who smoke have a card they can show you... though, I've never heard of people asking those who own guns if they have a license for it.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Hey, me and dh don't smoke it. Our life is good enough without self-medicating.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

alcohol, pot, cigarette is all the same to me. at family and friends parties dd is around it even though they are not in your face about it. for two of them its cancer that makes them smoke pot. so its a real good lesson for dd to see for herself.

i dont like pointing out others behaviours. dd has her own views.

if i catch her at 12 or 14 i will cross the bridge when it comes.

but no i dont like saying anything about it. while dd is still young i would like to believe that when she is old i can respect her views about all of that.

and if as a teen she decides to try it, i will have to respect and give her the freedom to do so.

i dont. doesnt mean my dd should follow me.

however if it ever comes down to making a choice i would much rather dd smoke pot, rather than smoke a cigarette. however just coz she experiments doesnt mean she will be an addict.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

Dh has never smoked pot and it's something I tried once in college and never did again.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

No, you're not the only person who doesn't smoke pot. But I definitely wouldn't ask others if they do, any more than I would ask them about other things that are completely none of my business.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.

Um, yes, they do. I have an acquaintance who smokes with her teenagers and also bakes them pot-brownies and pot-cookies every so often.

I know a lot of people who smoke, but probably about half of my social circle does NOT smoke. My kids have a few friends who smoke (including the aforementioned teenagers). They have both admitted to being curious, and would probably try it if offered, but nobody has offered it to them and they aren't curious enough to seek it out.

DH and I do not smoke. I think it should be decriminalized, but am not interested in smoking. I'm an asthmatic.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I smoked it for the first time in 25 years the other day. It's definitely overrated, and I couldn't have an intelligent conversation for three hours. I leaned against a stair rail pretending to look casual for an hour... when it was the only thing holding me up.

So, anybody who claims they can smoke pot and be a "Better driver" or "make clear decisions" is either lying, or deluded... or I was smoking the best pot in the world.

Or it could just be tolerance and idiosyncrasies. I know plenty of people who are still going strong (not for driving, obviously, but they're able to play video games quite well) after half a bottle of wine while I'm almost asleep after half a glass. (and it's even worse since having dd)

I've been at parties where people slipped into the other room and I only knew they'd been smoking pot because they told me.


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## tjlucca (Jun 16, 2008)

nextcommercial;15963075
I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids said:


> I feel the same


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

DH & I both are recreational users, though we rarely do it. I would say 80% of our friends use it. All are well-educated professionals, which means they 1) function just fine having smoked and 2) are careful enough not to use it or even discuss it in front of children. So, no, I don't ask, but my kids are little. They only go to houses of people we know really well.

As they're older, I can't imagine naming names to them. That has the potential to create all kinds of complicated social situations & temptations. I assume my children will find their own sources if they want it, though - no sense in being naive, it's not exactly hard to find.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

No MJ in this house. Though I do support medical use for sure. I have seen what it can do for pain/nausea relief for some of my sickest patients.

I'd really hope that parents would not smoke in front of their kids but mine did! I clearly remember my Mom and Stepdad smoking weed after their company baseball games. Or when having company over sometimes. I was probably like 8 or 9 so this was still the '70's.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I don't. did it as a teen but not really interested I got some K2 because it was legal and thought it would be fun but I still have a bag of it and haven't done it in months LOL DH is straight edge so he doesn't do anything
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Or it could just be tolerance and idiosyncrasies. I know plenty of people who are still going strong (not for driving, obviously, but they're able to play video games quite well) after half a bottle of wine while I'm almost asleep after half a glass. (and it's even worse since having dd)

At any given time in a restaurant, at least one of the employees is under the influence of _something_. Several of my co-workers come to work high and you wouldn't know unless you knew them very well. The owner of a previous restaurant I worked at was a wino, and could probably down a couple of *bottles* of wine before he even started slurring. He would go in the back late at night and cook his own food after several glasses of wine, and seemed completely sober.

I've worked with line cooks who were tripping on the job, and fellow servers who took mini-breaks to snort Oxycontin in the restroom. Most of these people weren't able to function if they WEREN'T using.


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

I know for a FACT there are parents that do it with their kids and their children's friends. My mother did it. I work at a school for "at risk" kids and their parents do it too. Nearly all the kids were introduced to drugs by their parents or their friend's parents.

I would not allow my child to be supervised by someone who is under the influence of anything. (She is 7)


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## tjlucca (Jun 16, 2008)




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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
I know for a FACT there are parents that do it with their kids and their children's friends. My mother did it. I work at a school for "at risk" kids and their parents do it too. Nearly all the kids were introduced to drugs by their parents or their friend's parents.

I would not allow my child to be supervised by someone who is under the influence of anything. (She is 7)

Yup, and at certain schools where I've taught, full of well-off kids from very well-off parents, the parents definitely allow their kids to partake with them. These are the same parents hosting parties where the kids get drunk. I dunno, it must be part of the culture here for some reason. I have had parents near tears asking me how to help their kids stay on track, when all their friends are suspended for being/getting high at school, and those kids' parents don't take away the iphone, the laptop, the fancy car, anything, from 14-17yos. Instead, they just party with them. I know there are kids who are high when I teach. If there are discernible signs (basically, the ones on the list the school gives us) I have to send an email to an AP to have them taken out of class and checked up on, but most of the time it's when they aren't using that it becomes clear which ones must be high the rest of the time. Now, I know some of the kids were on pot b/c of specific suspensions, but there are definitely other things going around, too (lots of Rx pills now). But anyway, the parents are certainly getting high with their kids, sharing their stash, etc. I feel for the parents who are trying to keep their kids away from it (parents of 14yos who have congenital health issues, parents of girls who hang out in dangerous situations, etc). But I can't imagine any of my friends operating like this. I can imagine them having some stuff around and being totally fine with my asking, hey, do you keep it locked up or could the kids find it while they're hanging out? Just as one might around booze or guns.


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## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
I know for a FACT there are parents that do it with their kids and their children's friends. My mother did it. I work at a school for "at risk" kids and their parents do it too. Nearly all the kids were introduced to drugs by their parents or their friend's parents.

I would not allow my child to be supervised by someone who is under the influence of anything. (She is 7)

Yup.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Dh and I occasionally smoke pot.

We never do it around someone else kids, and to be honest we don't do it around our kids. DD knows we smoke it, but it's something that DH and I do to wind down when the LO's are not around.

That being said, we know plenty of parents who don't smoke pot.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

We don't smoke it. Only one of my siblings even bothered to try it. That didn't last long.

In our area, pot is not normative among adults who are also parents. (Alcohol, though, is a whole nother monster.







and then there's the prescription drug stuff, and meth. It's just that for whatever reason marijuana isn't that big around here) It's a youth thing, or something that people who are already out of the mainstream do. Since I'm not into local youth culture, or local bar or bike cultures, it's just not part of my world or my friend's world.

If I suspected someone used marijuana, or had it in their house, I would have to think about our friendship, and the possible ramifications of being at their house or letting my kids be at their house. I could probably still remain friends, but would try to spend time with them either at my house or at a neutral place like a park.


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## 34me (Oct 2, 2006)

My dd has known for at least 2 years that not only does her BF's mom smoke it but has been known to sell it. She still has no interest. My dh used to be a big time smoker and might smoke a little now if it weren't for the random drug testing at work. I did once in HS and couldn't get that whole inhalation thing down







.

And I live in CO where I travel 17 miles to work and pass 19 dispencaries


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

We dont smoke pot regularly, but Ill take a puff every couple of years at a party or something. I think if they arent high when they are dealing with your kids, it really isnt much of your concern. There are all kinds of things people do for recreation that people will differ on morally.


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## seriosa (Apr 2, 2009)

Never smoked (never smoked anything actually). I do agree that MJ could just as well be legal, but it isn't. I want my child to grow up knowing that respect for the law is important. You can be a concientious objector and defy the law for important moral issues. But in my opinion its not OK to do so for recreation, and I would want to be clear to my children on that point.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cymbeline* 
We've talked to 11yo about drugs, and we've briefly talked about "what if" a friend's parent was doing drugs and offered him some. I'm torn, though: Should we name names or assume he will figure it out on his own? Should we confront those parents directly and risk being socially ousted from our circle?

I'm curious where you live! This isn't what the grown ups are like where we live, but I have known that some of my DD's friends older sibs were smoking pot (and doing god knows what else).

I wouldn't name names, but I would keep talking. I'd also talk to him about how to handle his friends smoking (because it really is just a matter of time).

I've no idea if you should talk to the other parents. We drink, and if another parent whose child was spending the night at my house asked how we handle liquor in our house I would happily tell them. None the less, I think that some parents would get really freaked out by those kinds of questions, no matter how nicely you ask.

And since your son is 11, he really is old enough to be responsible for his own choices in other people's home. We've talked about this a lot (my kids are 12 and 14). We've talked about *why* the behavior we recommend is a good idea. We've talked about how some times other people, including older teens and adults, make poor choices. We talked about how you can always come back home if you are uncomfortable (and I think a cell phone is GREAT for kids this age).

We explained that if you are ever in a social situation that is a little out of control (i.e. party) and suddenly have a moment of clarity about some of these things, it's fine to call and you will not be in trouble. I was very wild when I was young, and I had to learn a lot of things by screwing up first. I want to make sure that I pave the path for my kids so that if they need to screw up, when they figure out that they've screwed up I'm the first person they call.


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## cymbeline (Oct 18, 2005)

I guess I should be clear that I live in an upper-middle class hipster neighborhood. Mostly educated white folks (techies, chemists, college profs, architects). The ones that smoke, it isn't a secret. In my neighborhood, smoking pot is what the cool, hipster parents do. Our friends have been doing it for yrs, most smoke nightly after their kids are in bed (which included when we got together and hang out late at night for bbq's and stuff), it just hadn't been a big deal to me until recently when our kids started to come of age and started cluing in to what was going on behind the garage or wherever -- and now that it is becoming a big deal and I've voiced my opinion, I'm getting cut off from my social circle and it feels really weird. I'm starting to figure out that, even though the rest of my family thinks I am a crazy liberal, apparently according to some of my neighbors, I am a conservative narc.









And I wasn't being oblique when I said that some other parents felt that it was ok to smoke with the kids. We've talked about it, and this is what they told me. They plan to eventually introduce it to their kids... who are my kid's friends -- they feel this is "safer" than if they explore on their own. I'm not stupid -- I know my kids will be offered this stuff by their friends (or my friends) eventually.

To be blunt, I didn't start this thread to have a convo about whether it is ok to smoke pot, whether it is similar to alcohol, etc. I know how I feel about it. I am not ok with my kid doing illegal stuff while he is a minor in my care, period. When he is a legal adult, out of my house, it is his call.

What I'm trying to figure out is how to navigate these issues socially. When the kids were younger, none of us worried about it too much. The kids didn't know what pot was or why their parents got so giddy at block parties. But now our oldest kids are... older. And a lot of them know what is going on (or are about to find out) and they are getting curious and they are getting a lot of mixed messages.

Frankly, if I don't tell my kid who is high it probably won't matter. He can tell when someone is acting strange. Even though my parents would never admit my dad drank too much, I knew as a kid that something was up -- kids aren't stupid. I don't want him to end up in an uncomfortable situation when it would be polite to throw him a rope, y'know? So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."

In the meantime, I'm bummed about losing my social life. And I'm trying to figure out how to find new friends without getting in their faces about it, y'know, because, yeah, I agree it isn't my business... unless/until they make it my kid's business.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cymbeline* 
I guess I should be clear that I live in an upper-middle class hipster neighborhood. Mostly educated white folks (techies, chemists, college profs, architects). The ones that smoke, it isn't a secret. In my neighborhood, smoking pot is what the cool, hipster parents do. Our friends have been doing it for yrs, most smoke nightly after their kids are in bed (which included when we got together and hang out late at night for bbq's and stuff), it just hadn't been a big deal to me until recently when our kids started to come of age and started cluing in to what was going on behind the garage or wherever -- and now that it is becoming a big deal and I've voiced my opinion, I'm getting cut off from my social circle and it feels really weird. *I'm starting to figure out that, even though the rest of my family thinks I am a crazy liberal, apparently according to some of my neighbors, I am a conservative narc.







*

*
What I'm trying to figure out is how to navigate these issues socially.* When the kids were younger, none of us worried about it too much. The kids didn't know what pot was or why their parents got so giddy at block parties. But now our oldest kids are... older. And a lot of them know what is going on (or are about to find out) and they are getting curious and they are getting a lot of mixed messages.

Frankly, if I don't tell my kid who is high it probably won't matter. He can tell when someone is acting strange. Even though my parents would never admit my dad drank too much, I knew as a kid that something was up -- kids aren't stupid. *I don't want him to end up in an uncomfortable situation when it would be polite to throw him a rope, y'know?* So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."

I think that you can have conversations about the debate surrounding pot becoming legal without naming names, and pretty much all of the above without naming names. You can also tell him that you will come pick him up always if he needs you to - no questions asked (or if thats not your style, you can have some guidelines that you are comfortable with surrounding him calling you to come get him if/when he needs you to). I think its a great talk to have with ALL kids who are coming of age - even if you don't have friends who smoke pot or drink.

I know what you mean about navigating it socially too, I don't drink and I'm in law school - do know any lawyers who don't drink? I think I'm the ONLY one! LOL, its not so bad though, I just don't act like I'm a crazy party girl, and people either take me as I am, or they don't and thats their problem not mine. My job is to be me, not someone everyone will like.

And, I also walk the line of being a crazy liberal and a conservative narc. partly b/c I don't think mj should be legal (no flames please, I don't want to argue about it), I don't drink, but politically I'm pretty liberal, and I go to a liberal law school that focuses on human needs. It's a tough line to walk, and you have my sympathy!


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cymbeline* 
In the meantime, I'm bummed about losing my social life. And I'm trying to figure out how to find new friends without getting in their faces about it, y'know, because, yeah, I agree it isn't my business... unless/until they make it my kid's business.

Gently, mama, I think it would be much easier--and less stressful for you--to drug-proof your child than to worry constantly about whether your friends are offering your child drugs. Honestly, our lifestyle has changed toward almost total sobriety now that we're parents (I'm sober, DH has maybe a beer after dinner once or twice a week) but I would be pretty offended if another parent insinuated or even outright said that we would ever even _consider_ giving someone else's child drugs or alcohol.

Just because some parents plan to introduce their children to substances in a safe environment under close supervision (as is done with alcohol by parents across the planet) doesn't mean they would offer them to your children. Most of our friends are very laid-back and many of them do smoke recreationally but it wouldn't even occur to me to remind them not to give our child drugs or alcohol. Because I trust them enough to know that they wouldn't dream of it. If I didn't trust them enough, we wouldn't let our child spend time with them at all. (Before we moved to our current location, we also lived in a very upper middle class white hipster neighborhood and most of our parent friends would have fit that description, so I know _exactly_ the scene you're talking about.)

Is it possible that you've gotten a reputation as the neighborhood narc because you've been maybe a little tactless in your dealings with your friends whom you know smoke pot? Remember that saying, "We don't approve of our child doing something illegal, no matter what!" is implying that you don't approve of your friends doing that illegal thing, no matter how victimless it is. People might take that as a self-righteous judgment of their own behavior and respond poorly.

This seems like a good teaching opportunity for your children. You can impress your values on them and open the door for future communication, stressing that if things get too intense during a social situation they can always call you for help without fear of getting in trouble. And you can help give them tools to deal firmly and gracefully with peer pressure. That seems much easier (and more effective, and less socially isolating) than trying to screen each and every other parent your child may encounter for possible drug use.

You brought up guns in your OP. My husband I are gun owners and in our area, so is nearly everyone we know. Rather than quiz everyone in town about their knowledge of proper gun storage, we are choosing to teach our children basic gun safety as soon as they're old enough to understand the basic Eddie Eagle rules for what to do if you find a gun (Stop! Don't touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!). It's also why we start teaching them to swim in infancy--much easier than trying to keep them away from all potentially dangerous bodies of water, right? We can't make the world a safe place. All we can do is equip our little ones with the tools to _be safe_ in it.

Like it or not, drugs are everywhere and parents who use drugs might not admit it to you even if you ask. I would work on teaching your little ones how to deal with being offered drugs instead of trying to control whether they're around people who might use drugs recreationally from time to time.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I feel the same way you do.

I would like to see it legalized (medical or recreational, my feeling is, it's not worse than alcohol so let's just get it over with, who freaking cares?).

Quote:

We've talked to 11yo about drugs, and we've briefly talked about "what if" a friend's parent was doing drugs and offered him some. I'm torn, though: Should we name names or assume he will figure it out on his own? Should we confront those parents directly and risk being socially ousted from our circle?

The worst part is that we are starting to feel like the only people in the neighborhood that don't smoke weed. And as we meet new people, I am left wondering -- when is it ok to ask? Is it ever?
Don't ask. Why?

Do you really think they're offering it to pre-teens? I would focus more on the overall drug strategy: your brain is still growing, drugs including alcohol are going to have a big effect on that, we don't do illegal drugs for the following reasons, if you don't want to but are feeling pressured here's what you can say/do, and don't even think about bringing so much as a gram in this house.

Not naming names, that's really not necessary IMO.


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## ohiomommy1122 (Jul 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
Well, . Do you ask people if they have alcohol in their house? Do you assume that parents who smoke cigarettes are going to then allow your kids to smoke them in their house, or even smoke around them? I don't think I'd allow my kids in the house of someone who I thought lacked the kind of judgment that would be required to smoke pot around someone else's child or give them access to it - whether I knew they smoked or not. Smoking pot doesn't make someone irresponsible.

So, no, I don't think it's ever appropriate to ask. I also don't think it's helpful. As you said, we're talking about something illegal here - if they have reason to think you disapprove, they probably would choose not to be upfront about it for fear of repercussions.

I think alcohol and ciggs are much worse than pot anyhow


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

I don't use it. I never have. DH tried it once, and fell asleep for most of the weekend, he's not interested.









We have friends who smoke, but there are other reasons my kids aren't allowed there without one of us.

Moving to an area where it is more readily accessible and more socially acceptable- I do worry about this. I have absolutely no room for a grey area when it comes to my children being exposed to illegal substances while they are in my care. As adults- I can't make their decisions for them. Until then, they will know that I don't think it is acceptable.

I also think pot should be legal, but it isn't.

Medical Marijuana cards- at least here- are a scam. Pay a couple hundred dollars and have a card- you just claim some vague ailment... I have no use for the whole mess, and I wish it were truly a medical marijuana card or were legalized altogether. I don't like grey areas or exploited laws.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Whoever said that pot smoking parents don't offer it to their kids is so wrong. My dh's parents used to smoke pot, WITH him, when ge was middle school and high school aged. They are highly educated, middle class, etc. You'd never guess it.

When I was in high school, we all knew there were certain parents who "partied" with their kids. I would limit my kid's time with families I had reservations about.


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

In high school I had a friend whose mom smoked in front of her, who sometimes shared with her, and who got on her DD's case for regularly raiding her stash.







There are adults who cross this line and provide their kids with access to it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
This seems like a good teaching opportunity for your children. You can impress your values on them and open the door for future communication, stressing that if things get too intense during a social situation they can always call you for help without fear of getting in trouble. And you can help give them tools to deal firmly and gracefully with peer pressure. That seems much easier (and more effective, and less socially isolating) than trying to screen each and every other parent your child may encounter for possible drug use.

You brought up guns in your OP. My husband I are gun owners and in our area, so is nearly everyone we know. Rather than quiz everyone in town about their knowledge of proper gun storage, we are choosing to teach our children basic gun safety as soon as they're old enough to understand the basic Eddie Eagle rules for what to do if you find a gun (Stop! Don't touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!). It's also why we start teaching them to swim in infancy--much easier than trying to keep them away from all potentially dangerous bodies of water, right? We can't make the world a safe place. All we can do is equip our little ones with the tools to _be safe_ in it.

Like it or not, drugs are everywhere and parents who use drugs might not admit it to you even if you ask. I would work on teaching your little ones how to deal with being offered drugs instead of trying to control whether they're around people who might use drugs recreationally from time to time.


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## oaktreemama (Oct 12, 2010)

Quote:

You brought up guns in your OP. My husband I are gun owners and in our area, so is nearly everyone we know. Rather than quiz everyone in town about their knowledge of proper gun storage, we are choosing to teach our children basic gun safety as soon as they're old enough to understand the basic Eddie Eagle rules for what to do if you find a gun (Stop! Don't touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!). It's also why we start teaching them to swim in infancy--much easier than trying to keep them away from all potentially dangerous bodies of water, right? We can't make the world a safe place. All we can do is equip our little ones with the tools to be safe in it.

Like it or not, drugs are everywhere and parents who use drugs might not admit it to you even if you ask. I would work on teaching your little ones how to deal with being offered drugs instead of trying to control whether they're around people who might use drugs recreationally from time to time.
What a wise post.

I constantly remind myself I can not control what others do. All I can control is my reaction to it. Teach your children your values. Teach them that other people may do things you don't approve of (without naming names!!) and explain why you don't approve.

Talking with your children and being available and involved in your children's lives is the single best indicator of future drug avoidance. You can't control the world Mama. But you can help your kids choose a good path.


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## reezley (May 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
I'm curious where you live! This isn't what the grown ups are like where we live, but I have known that some of my DD's friends older sibs were smoking pot (and doing god knows what else).

This whole thread is shocking to me. I've never smoked pot, dh hasn't since I've known him, but he did as a teen/young adult. My kids are still too young, I guess, for this to be an issue that I've run into, and I haven't heard of parents here smoking pot either. Maybe I'll be in for a culture shock one of these years...


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

I just don't know what to think of a couple of responses on this thread or even the OP.

I haven't smoked pot in a wee while, more down to not being able to get any than anything else. Its just nice to chill and I can't drink and I suffer chronic pain and hate my other meds and would much rather have a smoke now and again.

I am just not sure what people class as ok I guess and the differences between. Why is medical pot ok non medical not ok (forgetting about legal status) I mean just cos one is prescribed doesn't mean that they don't go and smoke loadsa the stuff (I'm sorry, got an awful cold, its 5 am and not slept much and feel like crap so probably not gonna make any sense).

I take drugs, I guess they could be a bit scary, I mean would you allow your kids to come to mine? Not illegal drugs but prescription drugs, morphine in the fridge and such things (opiates).

I just think, bar some obvious things ie I am not going to let my kids go around to someones house if the parents are obviously drunk, stoned, waving guns around etc, that really, its not my business where they keep their stash, whether they have a few bottles of wine in the fridge etc. As long my kid and their kids were happy, weren't traumatised by anything and hopefully myself and the parents could get a long too, then surely thats best?


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

I have never had the desire to smoke anything. Or to drink alcohol for that matter. So no, you aren't the only people out there who don't. OTOH, I really could not care less if other people do, and I don't feel left out if I can't tell stories about stupid things I did when I was high--instead, I tell people stories about how I took advantage of people who were stupidly high (like getting gas money in college by going to parties and playing poker with drunk people. Even though I don't have the slightest idea how to play poker.)

I think it's important to talk to your kids about your rules and expectations for illegal drugs (and drugs that are illegal for them) even if you have all friends who seem to be teetotalers. You just never know. I'm also not sure that I would be worried that my kids might find out about drugs from their friends--if people are that open about it in adult company, I'd be shocked if their kids haven't heard their view. I've got kids in 2nd and 3rd grade, and I know all their friends' parents voting preference, whether or not they like President Obama, ect. because if a subject comes up and the kids have overheard their parents talking about it--they talk about it amongst each other.

I think if you already had a discussion as a group about guns, there's got to be a way to say, "You know, I support the legalization of pot--but we don't smoke, and while I'm sure you wouldn't smoke around my kids, I just need to be reassured that he's not going to be exposed to that while on a playdate."

In all honesty though, I really don't get how one could have a safety concern over a properly stored firearm and not be willing to voice a safety concern that the same parents who would cut out a gun owner might offer your kid some pot? If you think that they would do that, then your kid shouldn't be over there anyway unless you want him to try some free pot. If you don't, talk to him about your expectations, but...I dunno, I guess the stereotype is "ditzy stoner" but surely your friends aren't that irresponsible?


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

I have never smoked pot, or drank. Now dh, when I met him was tokin off the bong throughout the whole day. Said it helped his ADD.Whatever, actually, it did. BUT when dh was 7 he remembers his parents parties and a *smell*. When he got older, he realised that smell was mj. He was nostalgic and smoked pot for childhood memories of his parents getting wasted with friends right in front of him and the other children. This lead him on a crash colision course with all sorts of drugs. I told dh if he didnt stop smoking, I wouldnt marry him. B/c 1. its illegal and I have a clean background and was not going to compromise myself 2. he acted stupid and lazy on it. and 3. i was with an addict before and not going down that path again. Dh had been smoking pot since he was 13, and was 33 when he stopped completely. He has not smoked pot in 9 months. He made the deans list for the first time ever in college.He gained 20 pounds(he was a STICK and looked unhealthy). He says it is the best he has ever felt. Now.
I am not against MJ, just for the legal purposes. I feel like my dh smoked it TOO MUCH. But, to chill with friends occasionally, thats a different story. I just have never needed to do it. And I was always around it, always. My sons friends smoke pot. I know which ones do. My son does not, but I have told him if he did, Im not going to freak about it. But I have told him remember its illegal, so if you get caught, mama aint bailing you out. He knows I mean it.








So no, not everybody smokes it. I would hope at the age of 11 you have had the whole drugs chat with him, what drugs are, different types to recognize, the effects they have, the legal side of it, etc. But facing facts, as he gets older, he WILL see pot. And a lot worse.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

We don't smoke pot and we wouldn't let our kids go to houses of people who do. I do think it should be legal, but at this point it isn't.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tireesix* 
I just don't know what to think of a couple of responses on this thread or even the OP.

I haven't smoked pot in a wee while, more down to not being able to get any than anything else. Its just nice to chill and I can't drink and I suffer chronic pain and hate my other meds and would much rather have a smoke now and again.

I am just not sure what people class as ok I guess and the differences between. Why is medical pot ok non medical not ok (forgetting about legal status) I mean just cos one is prescribed doesn't mean that they don't go and smoke loadsa the stuff (I'm sorry, got an awful cold, its 5 am and not slept much and feel like crap so probably not gonna make any sense).

I take drugs, I guess they could be a bit scary, I mean would you allow your kids to come to mine? Not illegal drugs but prescription drugs, morphine in the fridge and such things (opiates).

I just think, bar some obvious things ie I am not going to let my kids go around to someones house if the parents are obviously drunk, stoned, waving guns around etc, that really, its not my business where they keep their stash, whether they have a few bottles of wine in the fridge etc. As long my kid and their kids were happy, weren't traumatised by anything and hopefully myself and the parents could get a long too, then surely thats best?


I agree. When my dad was nearing the end of his life, for the final 6 months or so I would say, we had enough morphine and stuff to kill dozens of horses. He got them in the mail, legally, by the HUNDREDEDS! When he passed away, ended up with almost a thousand prescribed, narcotic pain meds. He also smoked weed. Because that helped things that even the morphine would not touch. He would have never ate without it. Would have constantly been in pain. Ugh. We lived where medicinal is legal but because his health care was through the VA and they won't acknowledge the value of that, he had to go on his own.

I am one who grew up with it in the house. He was never dangerous, or neglectful or incapacitated by that. I had the option to smoke with him when I was 16 or 17... I will tell you that I started smoking with my FRIENDS well before with HIM. And I knew. And he knew I knew. But it's not like some of you are making it out to be that as soon as I was able to talk that he was offering me a J. My consumption didn't go up after I started smoking with him (it was a pretty frequent thing anyhow then). I stopped all together about the time I got pregnant with #1 (which was more due to moving to Texas where the weed is crap than anything else). I may have smoked a time or two after that. When I moved back to WA near my dad, I didn't turn into a huge pot head. Even when I had access to it anytime, for free. I smoke on occasion now but meh...

When dad got real sick, we talked to the kids about the mj. They knew it was a medicinal that helped grandpa A LOT. They know that it is technically illegal, and frowned upon by many and that it is not something we really talk about to random people. They also know that it is a thing for grown ups and not them, like alcohol, cigarettes and cussing. I had wonderful communication with my dad and maintain that with my children. I don't think that they are going to be hitting their classmates up for crack or anything tomorrow because they know that grandpa smoked weed.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
We don't smoke pot and we wouldn't let our kids go to houses of people who do. I do think it should be legal, but at this point it isn't.









I also won't let my kids go to a home where the parents smoke inside or drink a lot.

And yes, plenty of parents smoke with their kids and have no qualms about doing it with other people's kids, either. I smoked a lot of pot with various friends' parents, and they certainly never asked my mom if it was okay. My father had kids over all the time to get drunk. And before you think he was such a wonderful responsible person who wanted to make sure kids were safe because "they'll do it, anyway," he wasn't. He'd get them (boys) drunk, drug them, and sexually assault them. Not everyone is a good person.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

We don't smoke (anything), never have, and never plan to! I hate it. I hate when the smoke drifts into the area. I hate when the smell lingers on clothes and in rooms. I just hate it.
We can have lots of fun without the aid of recreational drugs.

Oh and if anyone was doing it around my son I would ask them to leave or we would leave. Not acceptable in my books. Even if it is "medicinal" I don't want it around my son or myself.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Peainthepod has it right on.

Quote:

So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."
I really think this is a bad idea. Frankly, you could simply be wrong about J's dad. Better would be, "Look, some of your friend's parents smoke pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think it's alright for kids to smoke or drink. At some point one of your friends or even their parents might off you drugs or alcohol, but you should say no. If your friend is your friend, they will be cool with it and never try to pressure you."

I do like your last line there and I think you should expand on it. Friends loom hugely in our teens' minds. Their peers are so important to them. I think you will have more success helping your son understand what _you_ are learning, that the consequence of refusing to partake might mean a cooling of his relationship with any particular friend. Or it might not. Either way, it might help him more if he is prepared to deal with that.

Edited to add, dh and I are 42 y.o. and we have never used pot. I saw a therapist back when I was a newly-wed and as part of the intake questionnaire she of course asked what kind illegal substances I might have used. She flat out didn't believe me that I'd never smoked pot.


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

Where is the usual chorus of "Protecting the Gift" people? I'll be the first. I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to not send my child into dangerous situations. Therefore, before I allow my child to be someplace unsupervised, it is my responsibility to find out what is going on in that place and by whom. That is--to find out whether it's dangerous or not. That involves asking awkward questions.* My children are young, but I totally plan on embarassing them as teenagers by calling the parents who are say, letting their child have a party at their house and asking them what their beliefs are about alcohol, what they will do to restrict it from being consumed, and whether an adult will be onsite at all times. Note I said alcohol. Before this thread I hadn't even thought about pot. I drink, I like to drink, but I'm not going allow my teenaged child to go unsupervised to a home where they have unrestricted access to alcohol, much less drugs of any sort. People say we need to "drug proof" our child and that is part of the equation but not the whole equation--I still need to be responsible and engaged in keeping my child safe.

No, I don't smoke pot. Tried it 2-3 times in college, didnt like it. I think it should be legal--but I would still have these hesitations if it were (as with alcohol above).

*And yes--I've already been "That Parent" for asking for details about an unsupervised playdate for my 4 year old, and for asking the school how they hire their teachers--what safeguards were in place. Things I thought were fairly ordinary questions. I don't care if people think I'm weird--my children's safety is more important.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qestia* 
My children are young, but I totally plan on embarassing them as teenagers by calling the parents who are say, letting their child have a party at their house and asking them what their beliefs are about alcohol, what they will do to restrict it from being consumed, and whether an adult will be onsite at all times.

My parents were really strict and controlling, and I became very secretive. I don't think your plan allows for open communication with your teens.

With teens, our role as parent is more complex. We are preparing our kids for life on their own. The ability to make choices and have freedoms should (IMHO) come slowly, not all at once when the young adult leaves home.

The way to handle these issues is different than a play date for a 4 year old. And appropriate parenting for a 12 year old isn't the same as a 16 year old. What works when they are small just isn't healthy when the are no longer children. We are supposed to be working ourselves out of a job.


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

How is finding out whether there will be parent-supplied alcohol, or parents present, at the party my teen is attending closing the door for open communication with my child? It's a long continuum between being "strict and controlling" and buying them booze, and I will fall somewhere in the middle.

There have been a few incidents in my state of kids dying at teen parties where no parents were present, never mind the lesser things that can happen.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/mas..._before_death/


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qestia* 
Where is the usual chorus of "Protecting the Gift" people? I'll be the first. I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to not send my child into dangerous situations. Therefore, before I allow my child to be someplace unsupervised, it is my responsibility to find out what is going on in that place and by whom. That is--to find out whether it's dangerous or not. That involves asking awkward questions.* My children are young, but *I totally plan on embarassing them as teenagers* by calling the parents who are say, letting their child have a party at their house and asking them what their beliefs are about alcohol, what they will do to restrict it from being consumed, and whether an adult will be onsite at all times. Note I said alcohol. Before this thread I hadn't even thought about pot. I drink, I like to drink, but I'm not going allow my teenaged child to go unsupervised to a home where they have unrestricted access to alcohol, much less drugs of any sort. People say we need to "drug proof" our child and that is part of the equation but not the whole equation--I still need to be responsible and engaged in keeping my child safe.

No, I don't smoke pot. Tried it 2-3 times in college, didnt like it. I think it should be legal--but I would still have these hesitations if it were (as with alcohol above).

*And yes--I've already been "That Parent" for asking for details about an unsupervised playdate for my 4 year old, and for asking the school how they hire their teachers--what safeguards were in place. Things I thought were fairly ordinary questions. I don't care if people think I'm weird--my children's safety is more important.

The bolded is why you are looking at closing off communication. Older kids will do a lot to avoid being embarrassed by their parents.


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## New_Natural_Mom (Dec 21, 2007)

No. We don't smoke anything or do any drugs and we never have. I don't drink and DH drinks lightly on occasion (not to drunkenness). I don't want to be around people doing drugs, any drugs, legal or not. I am not interested in that. I will do everything I can to ensure my DS never does drugs. I just don't want it in my family.


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## Mal85 (Sep 3, 2008)

*haven't read all the replies*

It sounds like you have had the conversations you need to have with your 11 y/o. I agree with something a PP said about it's really the kids his age you have to be more worried about. I knew adults in my life that smoked pot... they were the last people I wanted to get high with when I was in high school, even if the option had been on the table.

That being said... I think the next conversation you need to have would be with your adult friends. I would just let them know what you're comfortable with in front of/around you kid and ask them to be respectful of that. If you don't want it done in front of your kid, let them know. If you don't want them to offer it to your kid, ever, let them know. If you've been friends with these people for this long, surely they will respect your wishes. It doesn't have to be a big deal, you guys just differ on this area of parenting.

Personally... my group of friends smokes pot too. We've all just started having kids, so we only have toddlers around for the most part. Even though they are young enough to not know the difference, it is understood that it's not done in front of the kids. We're all pretty much in agreement that it's something we do with each other, not our kids and not each other's kids. Our kids will have their own generation of people they do silly things with. I don't feel the need to share that part of my life with my kids. But maybe that's just us.

Sounds like you'd feel more comfortable if you just talked to your friends about it. And, no, I wouldn't name names to your 11 y/o. An 11 y/o kid is just going to name names to another 11 y/o kid... not something I would want to happen.


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

.


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ledzepplon* 
Whoever said that pot smoking parents don't offer it to their kids is so wrong. My dh's parents used to smoke pot, WITH him, when ge was middle school and high school aged. They are highly educated, middle class, etc. You'd never guess it.

When I was in high school, we all knew there were certain parents who "partied" with their kids. I would limit my kid's time with families I had reservations about.


the first time i smoked (or saw) pot, i was offered it by my high school boyfriends mom. it was only her and i home, i had no idea what it was before then. I havent smoked it since high school though and have no plans to.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Norasmomma* 
Well in my state there are many people who have medical marijuana permits, including multiple family members. So for some it is illegal and for some it's not. Most of the people I know do and I can say that most of them are pretty darn mellow, happy people and parents.

I guess where I live it's even more of a gray area due to the fact that many people are totally allowed to possess and have it.

I wouldn't tell your son who does and doesn't though.

You must live where I do. I just got here, and I didn't even know that med-pot was legal here. I was a bit







at how casual people here about it.

I have not been around anyone who has a scrip for it (then again, I've only been here 6 weeks) but there are still plenty in the family who smoke it nonetheless. I do sometimes feel like the prude in the crowd, because I voluntarily opt out. I have done it before - rarely - but honestly, I don't have any desire to do it anymore. With my medical history, in this state I could probably get a scrip for it, but I just don't want one.










As far as whether or not to let my kids around people who do, I have no problem with it. I have only known one truly irresponsible smoker, and she has been out of my life since before I had the younger kids. Of course, I'm okay with my kids being around gun-owners too. I'm currently living in a... ahem... _well-armed_ household.


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## Neuromancer (Jan 15, 2008)

Nearly all of my friends (high school until now) smoke pot. I've never smoked it. I wouldn't want any other parents smoking it around my child, but I'm not sure I'd bring it up unless my kid came home smelling like it.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

It sounds to me like you (OP) have two issues. One is that you need to help your child deal with this kind of situation if he's ever confronted with it.

But it also sounds like you are coming to the conclusion that your group of friends are not really giving out the kinds of example you want your son to see in the adults around him on a regular basis. If that is the case, then it may be that you are just going to have to find a different group of people to hang out with most of the time. Which stinks.

I personally would be very careful about letting my kids spend time alone with parents who would be high while my kids were there, much less give them drugs. I have a number of people who are serious pot users in my family, and I also have a family history of mental illness, and I don't feel that I can afford to let my kids learn to take the use of "recreational" drugs lightly.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *reezley* 
and I haven't heard of parents here smoking pot either. Maybe I'll be in for a culture shock one of these years...

I would hazard a guess that you know parents who smoke. It's not like most folks announce it. As I said earlier, our friends are professionals and include professors, PR reps (talk about the irony of being found out), government officials, engineers, etc. So these aren't folks who go around announcing that smoke a joint once or twice a year. If you weren't at parties with them when it was done (and sometimes even if you were because it's typically done outside and everyone's not told), you would have no idea they smoke.

I imagine most people who think they don't know anyone who smokes are thinking of stoners who feed their munchies while they're watching _Half-Baked_, but that's only a small segment of the people who smoke.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Nope. Not a smoker. My dh is a law enforcement officer, so it's just not going to happen unless it's legalised. That being said, I do know parents who smoke. I wouldn't in a million years be concerned that they'd offer my child pot! I would not be friends with them if I suspected them of such carelessness and obvious dismissal of what we allow in our family.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

You aren't the only person who doesn't smoke weed! I swore off it (probably not permanently but for a while) two months ago for several reasons and since I am trying to stick to it I have tried to discourage my neighbors from coming over and smoking here, in front of me. However their weed smoking status does not affect whether or not I let my kid play there or anything. Unless of course they were ridiculously high while supervising the kids, or actively dealing with the kids around, or seomthing.

I'm pretty sure my ds knows they smoke weed but it is such an accepted thing here that it doesn't seem any different to him than smoking a cigarette or having a drink. He certainly knows what it is though. When he is older I would discourage him from using it mainly because it is illegal, and I would never offer it to him or smoke with him. But it would not be the huge deal to me that some people make it out to be.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."

I don't think that's a bad way to approach it with your ds, but I have to ask, do you really think that the adult would offer pot to your child?


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I wouldn't name names, but I think it's good you're making him aware that it's out there & maybe mention that people he's close to might be doing it but that doesn't mean it's okay.

No, you're not the only one. Call me completely sheltered, but I've never even seen pot in person, and no way in this lifetime will I be smoking it.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:

do you really think that the adult would offer pot to your child?
You'd be amazed the dumb things people do. They just don't think (especially while high). They wouldn't think out, "Is offering a minor an illegal substance without consulting her parents a good idea?" They would just think, "Aw, who cares, people shouldn't be so uptight!"


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## Mom2M (Sep 23, 2006)

*So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."*

I think this is a good way to start talking with him about it but I would not name specific names.

*I will preface the following by saying I am in favor of legalizing pot, I think it has many benefits when ingested in moderation and that alcohol/tobacco use can be more toxic than pot.*

There are studies and some evidence that long term effects of pot use or alcohol use on a developing brain can be associated with permanently impaired cognitive ability whether it is because of changes to the structure or changes to cell communication.

I think going over this with him may help him decide that until his brain has reached an adult developmental stage, it is not a good idea to use pot because it is not known how much pot needs to be smoked or ingested in order to have a long term effect and he can have that knowledge to help him reject the offers he may get, whether from parents or friends.

It's the same with alcohol use except that there have been more studies on developing brains and long term effects.

I think it sucks that you are losing friendships









http://www.physorg.com/news157280425.html


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Honestly, I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care. Your child tells another child who tells their parents.... Or your child may fall victim to the DARE teachings and "tell an adult or authority". Either of which could get children removed, felony drug charges (which screw.up.lives!). Like I said, I don't smoke currently but I may on occasion sometime in the future and I assure you I have never ever been in a position when I "don't think"







as a PP said. Never endangered my children or anything of the like. I think you can have a discussion with your kids without putting other families in danger...


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## nicky85 (Jul 10, 2010)

No pot here! My husband is from the San Francisco Bay area though and went to fine arts school there for film. He said that at lunch break all the teachers and students would go outside and smoke their marijuana. It was definitely a little odd. We both think it should be legal from the perspective of allowing people to choose for themselves if they want to ingest it, but it's not a substance we want to use.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Honestly, I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care. Your child tells another child who tells their parents.... Or your child may fall victim to the DARE teachings and "tell an adult or authority". Either of which could get children removed, felony drug charges (which screw.up.lives!).

My hubby and I have no secrets from our children. Eventually, we all know everything about everything. Really. We talk at dinner, and lots of other times.

While DARE does have some issues.... making kids aware of the horror of drug abuse isn't one of them.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Honestly, I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care. Your child tells another child who tells their parents.... Or your child may fall victim to the DARE teachings and "tell an adult or authority". Either of which could get children removed, felony drug charges (which screw.up.lives!). Like I said, I don't smoke currently but I may on occasion sometime in the future and I assure you I have never ever been in a position when I "don't think"







as a PP said. Never endangered my children or anything of the like. I think you can have a discussion with your kids without putting other families in danger...









But if they aren't lying and the information gets to the "authorities"....it isn't the child's fault. It is the fault of the person breaking the law and doing something wrong.
I also think being taught to go to another grownup if they see someone doing drugs/pushing drugs is a good thing (if it is being seen, not hearsay, and especially if offered to a minor) I would never turn in someone for smoking pot, but I have no problem with teaching my child to go to another trusted adult, especially if they are offered some....that is a big no in my books.
....I was 11 when DARE came into being....I remember the teachings and have no problem with it. I grew up hating the idea of smoking/drugs and drinking and driving (these were all pounded into my head as evil) and I am glad of it. I have never and will never smoke, have never been tempted to do drugs and am usually the dd.

I think marjhauna should be legalized and think that it is sad that people get jailed for these thing btw....that being said, until things change it is the law.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Well, I suggest you tell your friends about your plans to advise your children of everything that goes on in their house so that we can decide that friendship with you is worth the risk (or not, as likely will be the case).... Wether I ever smoke again or not, I would really like to know what kind of friend you are going to be. Cause really. It's not fair to us...


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Well, I suggest you tell your friends about your plans to advise your children of everything that goes on in their house so that we can decide that friendship with you is worth the risk (or not, as likely will be the case).... Wether I ever smoke again or not, I would really like to know what kind of friend you are going to be. Cause really. It's not fair to us...

You know, i would not tell my kids, under normal circumstances, about people's parents smoking pot, and I wouldn't be going around turning them in or anything either.

OTOH - if a person is going to participate in an illegal activity, which it is, it seems to me that they need to really think about the consequences. It is entirely possible that an 11 year old could notice this kind of thing on his own and blab it inappropriately. If the risks of that are too great - losing your kids, or some jail time, or whatever - is it really sensible to do it at all? For what amounts to a bit of fun?

A friend of mine, at about that age, told me his mom grew pot in her bedroom. Looking back, she could, potentially, have lost her house, her job, and her kids - she was a single mom. Now that I have kids, I really can't see how that could have seemed sensible.

I just don't get the "not fair" thing. My dad thinks it's not fair that he has to separate his garbage. Well, he can register his opinion with his political representative - heck, he can run for office himself. But he still will not get garbage pick up if he doesn't do it correctly.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Not all people who smoke pot are so overt about it. I am sure that there are people who you know that you would never have guessed. I think that there are a lot of things that people do that are either illegal or questionable that don't deserve to essentially obliterate someones world. I'm sorry, I just don't agree. And it's not always "just for a little fun", as in the example of my father I used earlier.

What is not fair is having the choice of who is entrusted with that knowledge taken away from the person that it affects. Let's use non illegal, or borderline, examples... Say you live in WV or MS and you don't vax and a "friend" you trusted with that information calls CPS or whomever and tells them, (or tells their child, for whatever reason)... and not only that but *gasp* you are still nursing your 5yo. Does that not have the potential to eff up your world?

Also, keep in mind that these are friends that you otherwise have enough trust in to allow your children to go over there. If they are potsmokers who are so irresponsible then don't allow your children to be around them. I don't want my kids around ANYone who is going to put them in danger, I'm not going to say, "ya know... jimmy's parents are not safe, but you can go over there... just make sure you don't touch the crackpipe and 9mm on the table". No, if I don't trust someone, my kids aren't going over there. Period. But if I think that they are good parents who happen to need to smoke a J in order to have lessened pain to be a good parent, or to have an appetite because chemo has otherwise obliterated it. Or who just enjoy it. It just does not make sense to me. If it is someone who you have no other concerns about other and they happen to toke up on occasion, why do you need to out them?

I think that if you don't have the ability to educate and "protect" your children without violating a friend, then you have greater problems afoot than the evil potsmokers


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care.

I think that anyone doing anything ILLEGAL so openly that all their neighbors know is a bit of a fool.

If someone is habitually breaking the law and they don't want to be caught, they ought to be secretive.









I don't think I would name names to my child in this situation because I don't think that would be best for my child, but if I felt that being VERY frank about another adults "personal business" was in the best interest of my child, I'd be frank. My obligation is to my kids.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

No one is talking about all of the neighbors knowing. As I said in my last post, many are not overt about it. It is far more common than people think.

No one is saying don't protect your children. You absolutely should. What I am saying is that if you feel your children are threatened by someone smoking pot, and that is 100% your decision to make, then don't allow them around that adult. It's is irresponsible parenting to allow your children into a situation you are not comfortable with. Telling them who does does not make it better. And hell, it can be mistaken as well. A LOT of people that I am friends with and work with etc assume, for a lot of reasons, that I smoke. And I haven't for quite some time. What if they decided to tell their kids that I am a druggie and might offer them weed and whatever other ridiculous assumptions they are making?


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

Another child of MJ users here, and they did it in front of me. I don't advocate for that, solely on account of kids should _never ever ever_ be in the position of keeping secrets about the laws their family is breaking. My parents now agree with me on this issue. But if MJ were legalized tomorrow, I would not stop people from using it in front of my kids any more than I'd stop them from drinking (i.e., a little is OK, start doing it to excess and I'm taking my kids out of the situation).

Other than that, though, I have very few reservations about MJ, and would not stress about it other than to tell my kids that any nonparental adult offering them a substance they're not legally allowed to ingest is a person with HIDEOUS judgement who cannot be trusted. Personally, I think parents who do this are making a mistake as well, but nonparents offering drugs or alcohol to a minor are in a whole 'nother zone of stupid.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
No one is talking about all of the neighbors knowing. As I said in my last post, many are not overt about it. It is far more common than people think.

No one is saying don't protect your children. You absolutely should. What I am saying is that if you feel your children are threatened by someone smoking pot, and that is 100% your decision to make, then don't allow them around that adult. It's is irresponsible parenting to allow your children into a situation you are not comfortable with. Telling them who does does not make it better. And hell, it can be mistaken as well. A LOT of people that I am friends with and work with etc assume, for a lot of reasons, that I smoke. And I haven't for quite some time. What if they decided to tell their kids that I am a druggie and might offer them weed and whatever other ridiculous assumptions they are making?

I was really thinking of the scenario in the OP, where her social group seems to be pretty obvious about what is going on - that after all is a big part of what is bothering her. And even one's own kids are likely to be blabby about such things - my friends, who were middle class kids with good grades, loved to gossip about that stuff in the 12 to 15 year age range, and I think that is pretty common. A lot of kids share more with their friends than with their parents at that age.

On a more general note, I'm surprised no one has commented here on the links that have been drawn recently between mental health and MJ use, which are pretty sobering, especially with regard to young people.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smithie* 
. But if MJ were legalized tomorrow, *I would not stop people from using it in front of my kids any more than I'd stop them from drinking* (i.e., a little is OK, start doing it to excess and I'm taking my kids out of the situation).
.

THis is not meant to ruffle feathers....but I am curious if those who have this take also are ok with people smoking in front of their children. I have no issue with people drinking infront of my child as (unless to excess) it is only affecting the drinker....smoking (anything) affects those around them. I do not allow people to smoke in front of myself or my child (thankfully none of my friends smoke-some familiy members do though)


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

I would not allow my children to be in the direct company of someone smoking pot for another one of the same reasons I am against people who plan to tell their kids the who's who of potheads.... That is a huge burden for kids to bear. My kids do know of some people who do but it is never done in front of them...


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Honestly, I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care. Your child tells another child who tells their parents.... Or your child may fall victim to the DARE teachings and "tell an adult or authority". Either of which could get children removed, felony drug charges (which screw.up.lives!). Like I said, I don't smoke currently but I may on occasion sometime in the future and I assure you I have never ever been in a position when I "don't think"







as a PP said. Never endangered my children or anything of the like. I think you can have a discussion with your kids without putting other families in danger...









Ummm, if you don't want to get in legal trouble, don't do illegal things


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Oh come on.... Show me a person who has not done SOMEthing illegal in their lives.... People do stuff all the time of questionable or outright illegality.... Doesn't mean that they need to have their worlds ripped apart for it. Hell, I know a cop who keep chickens against neighborhood ordinance. Not everything is so black and white people...


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## jgmn (Oct 25, 2010)

I've never tried pot or cigarettes


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Oh come on.... Show me a person who has not done SOMEthing illegal in their lives.... People do stuff all the time of questionable or outright illegality.... Doesn't mean that they need to have their worlds ripped apart for it. Hell, I know a cop who keep chickens against neighborhood ordinance. Not everything is so black and white people...









I don't think you kids will be taken away for chickens









You may disagree but I choose to not allow my child to be around people under the influence of anything (including things that are legal). Luckily I live in an area that makes that very easy.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Oh come on.... Show me a person who has not done SOMEthing illegal in their lives.... People do stuff all the time of questionable or outright illegality.... Doesn't mean that they need to have their worlds ripped apart for it. Hell, I know a cop who keep chickens against neighborhood ordinance. Not everything is so black and white people...









I have never knowingly broke the law.


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## carmel23 (Jul 21, 2006)

Well, I think that it is good to talk to kids about it-- the difference between use and abuse, that there are a lot of drugs, caffeine, tylenol, alcohol, etc.

Sometimes people use drugs, and then there are instances of abuse. It is difficult to tell the difference in some instances.

I grew up with a lot of second hand smoke from parents smoking cigarettes, and honestly the smoke aspect of pot bothers me the most. It is not healthy for children to be around second hand smoke, you know?

I agree that is is not good for adults to smoke anything in front of kids.

I think all you can do is talk to children openly about it (when they're old enough-- 11/12 years). And stress that if they ever do drink, smoke pot to feel free to call you for help and *never* get in a car with out a sober driver.
But there are so many other, healthier things to do when you are young.


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## carmel23 (Jul 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lonegirl* 
THis is not meant to ruffle feathers....but I am curious if those who have this take also are ok with people smoking in front of their children. I have no issue with people drinking infront of my child as (unless to excess) it is only affecting the drinker....smoking (anything) affects those around them. I do not allow people to smoke in front of myself or my child (thankfully none of my friends smoke-some familiy members do though)









:

I can't stress how upset and angry I am at my parents for smoking cigarettes around me as a child. I know it has effected my health, and I am still upset about it. I know, I should get over it, but that's how I feel. It was not right of them to do this to me.







Sure it was legal, but it was not right. Not everything that is legal is moral, and not everything illegal is immoral.

If someone smoked pot in front of my kids, it would bother me, too.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
I have never knowingly broke the law.

Youve never speeded? Stayed parked at a meter a few minutes too long? Jaywalked? Spit on a sidewalk? Rode a bike against traffic!?


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
I don't think you kids will be taken away for chickens









You may disagree but I choose to not allow my child to be around people under the influence of anything (including things that are legal). Luckily I live in an area that makes that very easy.

But according to some PP, he deserves everything that comes to him for having this chickens, no matter how upstanding or positive of an influence he otherwise is


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
But according to some PP, he deserves everything that comes to him for having this chickens, no matter how upstanding or positive of an influence he otherwise is

He knew he was doing it and it was against the law, so yeah, he deserves it. Everyone makes informed decisions and by making that choice they *should* be willing to accept the consequences.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cymbeline* 
none of us was comfortable going to another family's house if we knew there was a loaded gun in the house.

sort of ot, but do you ask about pools? kids are far more likely to be injured or drown at a home with a pool than they are at a home with a weapon.


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
sort of ot, but do you ask about pools? kids are far more likely to be injured or drown at a home with a pool than they are at a home with a weapon.

I absolutely would ask about pools.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
He knew he was doing it and it was against the law, so yeah, he deserves it. Everyone makes informed decisions and by making that choice they *should* be willing to accept the consequences.

Wow...Just. Wow.


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

Well, I always like to think in terms of what I think is appropriate and inappropriate. Porn is legal but I have issues with it. Cigarettes are the worst evil ever, in my opinion (this is an ex-smoker here!) and they are legal. I think we all make value judgments based on what we view as responsible, appropriate, safe, etc. Legal or illegal...that has a lot of baggage attached to it. I prefer to make value judgments based on a number of factors.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I smoked it for the first time in 25 years the other day. It's definitely overrated, and I couldn't have an intelligent conversation for three hours. I leaned against a stair rail pretending to look casual for an hour... when it was the only thing holding me up.

So, anybody who claims they can smoke pot and be a "Better driver" or "make clear decisions" is either lying, or deluded... or I was smoking the best pot in the world.

Or pot affects you a little differently than it might affect someone else. I wouldn't claim that I could _drive_ or think "clearly" when I smoked pot. But, in several years of heavy smoking, I certainly never needed a stair rail to hold me up. I can't even picture how that would work, to be honest. I know I smoked some pretty heavy stuff...and I know that other people i knew smoked heavy stuff - and a lot more of it than I ever did - and they weren't affected that way, either.

I personally hate pot at this point in my life and will never smoke it again. But, there are lots of people who smoke it with much, much less drastic effects than what you describe. At least two of them made perfectly good decisions while stoned, as well. (That was also outside my comfort zone. I never made decisions about anything more serious than "Coke or Dr. Pepper?" while stoned.)


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Wow...Just. Wow.

Really? You don't believe in natural consequences? As an adult, you should know the ramifications of your choices and you should be willing to accept them.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've skimmed most of the thread now. I just want to say that, with respect to asking other parenst about whether they smoke weed...you can if you want, but not everybody will be honest aobut it. IME, the ones most likely to offer someone else's child illegal drugs are also the ones most likely to lie about their habits. So, you can ask if you want, but I'd trust my gut more than I'd trust anyone's responses.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CatsCradle* 
Well, I always like to think in terms of what I think is appropriate and inappropriate. Porn is legal but I have issues with it. Cigarettes are the worst evil ever, in my opinion (this is an ex-smoker here!) and they are legal. I think we all make value judgments based on what we view as responsible, appropriate, safe, etc. Legal or illegal...that has a lot of baggage attached to it. I prefer to make value judgments based on a number of factors.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
But according to some PP, he deserves everything that comes to him for having this chickens, no matter how upstanding or positive of an influence he otherwise is

I don't know that I'd say he deserves it. I would say that if he chooses to break that law, he should be sure that he can live with the consequences of getting caught. It isn't really even a moral stand, it's just a matter of effective decision making.

Really, what are the consequences? If getting caught with chickens means a fine, can you pay it if you have to? With MJ, if it could actually result in kids going into foster care, even for a small amount of time, how likely does it have to be that you might get caught before it isn't worth it to you?


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## SpiderMum (Sep 13, 2008)

As someone who has smoked pot in the past and will again in the future, I would NEVER offer it to another person's child. I wouldn't offer another person's child alcohol, cigarettes, or even over-the-counter drugs. I think you're overthinking this.


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SpiderMum* 
As someone who has smoked pot in the past and will again in the future, I would NEVER offer it to another person's child. I wouldn't offer another person's child alcohol, cigarettes, or even over-the-counter drugs. I think you're overthinking this.

And as a child of a parent who DID offer their child and their children's friends pot, I think the OP is NOT.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mackenzie* 
Youve never speeded? Stayed parked at a meter a few minutes too long? Jaywalked? Spit on a sidewalk? Rode a bike against traffic!?

No, to all those! Why would I break (or flout) the law? Laws are there for the protection of the general public.... which includes me and my kids.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

The reason that I wouldn't name names to my child is because, if mj use is that wide spread and accepted where you live, you can't possible know the names of ALL the parents he will eventually spend time with who smoke. As his world continues to get bigger and he has more friends that you don't know the families, the more of a wild card issue it becomes. You really don't know which parent will cross line.

So rather than putting out an alert to be carefully around Tommy's parents, it just makes more sense to me to discuss the situation in general, so that how ever it plays out in his life he is prepared.


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## CBEmomma (Oct 24, 2010)

I don't smoke pot, or cigarettes and due to health concerns I would ask the parents where my child plays at if they did.


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## november (Mar 22, 2009)

I don't smoke pot. Never have, never will. And I like to assume that my friends don't either. Ignorance is bliss? LOL. I don't ever even think to ask.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
No, to all those! Why would I break (or flout) the law? Laws are there for the protection of the general public.... which includes me and my kids.

All right... I had to do it. Did you know that in Oregon it's illegal...

for drivers to pump their own gas?
To show movies on a Sunday?
to juggle without a license?
to sleep naked?
to DTD non-missionary?


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Pumping your own gas, yeah that I am sure she (or anyone who has gotten gas in OR) knows they seriously do.not.let.you. I love OR for that (I hate pumping gas with a red, hot passion)... but the others... that's what I am saying. I can not fathom any person who has never broken the law and it flabbergasts me when people claim such...


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## Jaxinator (Dec 28, 2009)

FWIW Philomom said "knowingly".

I've been following the whole thread and it really is interesting. In response to the OP, I don't think you should name names, or assume that your friends will give your child pot any more than you would assume they would give your son alcohol (although is this is a concern, then maybe he shouldn't be at their houses?). I do think that saying something like "Well, I don't know if you do or don't drink/smoke, but if you do please don't do it around my son. I'll gladly pick up him from your house, and he'll still be allowed over, but please just not when he's around." Or something more eloquent than that, I'm not all that good with words.
IMO if they're any sort of friends they won't mind a request like that.
My parents apparently smoked during my teen years, probably younger too. I seriously had NO clue. And I'm not sheltered or anything. They are amazing wonderful loving and responsible parents.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

She also said she would never do so because laws are there for the protection of the people... I think mysticmomma just did a fine job of illustrating that is not always the case... I'm interested to see how far she would go to obey the law, knowing these laws (or if she did know, if she will uphold them)


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

Yeah, I hate "always" or "never" claims.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
All right... I had to do it. Did you know that in Oregon it's illegal...

for drivers to pump their own gas?
To show movies on a Sunday?
to juggle without a license?
to sleep naked?
to DTD non-missionary?

Well, in Texas, it's illegal to use a shotgun to kill a buffalo from the second story window of any building overlooking a main thoroughfare.

That being said, there's a difference between _illegal_ and _unlawful_. It's unlawful if it's breaking a written, recognized law, but it's only illegal if you get caught.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
Laws are there for the protection of the general public....


There are laws meant to protect the general public. Mostly, they work to whatever extent people _choose_ to follow them, and that choice isn't usually about whether or not they're legal. I don't key people's cars, punch people I'm angry with, drive drunk, shoplift, steal, etc. because I believe those things to be wrong, not because there are laws against them. I've known people who have done all those things, because they don't have an ethical issue with them and/or successfully rationalize that those things are okay in a particular instance, even though they're illegal.

There are lots of laws that serve purposes other than the protection of the general public. Like any other law, those laws are followed by some, and not by others. The marijuana laws, specifically, do not protect the general public.


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
There are laws meant to protect the general public. Mostly, they work to whatever extent people _choose_ to follow them, and that choice isn't usually about whether or not they're legal. I don't key people's cars, punch people I'm angry with, drive drunk, shoplift, steal, etc. because I believe those things to be wrong, not because there are laws against them. I've known people who have done all those things, because they don't have an ethical issue with them and/or successfully rationalize that those things are okay in a particular instance, even though they're illegal.

There are lots of laws that serve purposes other than the protection of the general public. Like any other law, those laws are followed by some, and not by others. The marijuana laws, specifically, do not protect the general public.

I agree with all of this. I have my own opinions about certain laws, especially laws that ultimately benefit corporations' bottom lines. I think the marijuana laws were designed to do just that...benefit those seeking to make profits. Why would we allow people to use a plant which can be grown in their own backyards at a relatively low cost? (we're talking about a plant here...not the manufacturing of a substance). Weeeell, it just doesn't make sense from a business standpoint. There's a lot of money to be made through other forms of entertainment such as the booze industry, plus people may not need as many pharmaceuticals if we allow them to self treat chronic pain through MJ.

I do think there are laws out there designed to protect the general public, but I also think that massive lobbying by special interests also plays a huge part in legality on certain issues. It may be framed as "protection" but I do think there is an agenda behind a lot of things.

Disclaimer: this is my own opinion and is probably not the sentiment held by the vast majority of people out there.


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
There are lots of laws that serve purposes other than the protection of the general public. Like any other law, those laws are followed by some, and not by others. The marijuana laws, specifically, do not protect the general public.

Yes, like some laws protect the over-valuation of a controlled substance to keep the cash flowing in.







I know, being a general public myself, I don't see a dime of that protection.









Seriously though, I was raised by a daily-user of mj, and given that he was self-medicating for severe adhd, his addictive behaviour only made things a lot worse. I was severely emotionally abused.

I just wouldn't have friends I didn't trust. I would look at why they've included mj in their lives. If it was to cover up a serious issue, I would think carefully about how much time I spend with them if ever. For me, mental evasion is a far worse behaviour than a purely pleasure-seeking one, if it's as innocuous as smoking mj. That said, I have experience with healing chronic illness derived of inhaling second-hand smoke, so none of my immediate family spends any time with people while they are smoking anything.

I have friends I trust on mj, and others I wouldn't be anywhere near if they took it up. I have no concerns about people using mj for pain management. I have greater concerns about people taking certain pharmaceuticals.

I also couldn't care any less about the state's legislating against non-violent, non-coercive, non-interfering behaviours. They can go ahead and do it, but if I determine something is good for my life and it's "unlawful", I'll just make sure to not be caught. I have no tolerance for meddling.

As an aside, the smell of mj causes so much emotional pain for me that I have never and likely will never ingest it in any way. I'm a straight-edge, but not to be a "good girl". I just really love my brain and don't find slowing it down to be relaxing or enjoyable at all. At least until now; I might end up being a party-gramma.







I have five children; I might be ready to slow my brain down once they're grown.

ETA:Ha ha, CatsCradle, I just read your post. I guess there are at least a few of us who think the same thing.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CatsCradle* 
I agree with all of this. I have my own opinions about certain laws, especially laws that ultimately benefit corporations' bottom lines. I think the marijuana laws were designed to do just that...benefit those seeking to make profits. Why would we allow people to use a plant which can be grown in their own backyards at a relatively low cost? (we're talking about a plant here...not the manufacturing of a substance). Weeeell, it just doesn't make sense from a business standpoint. There's a lot of money to be made through other forms of entertainment such as the booze industry, plus people may not need as many pharmaceuticals if we allow them to self treat chronic pain through MJ.

I do think there are laws out there designed to protect the general public, but I also think that massive lobbying by special interests also plays a huge part in legality on certain issues. It may be framed as "protection" but I do think there is an agenda behind a lot of things.

*Disclaimer: this is my own opinion and is probably not the sentiment held by the vast majority of people out there.*










Quote:


Originally Posted by *PreggieUBA2C* 
Yes, like some laws protect the over-valuation of a controlled substance to keep the cash flowing in.







I know, being a general public myself, I don't see a dime of that protection.









Seriously though, I was raised by a daily-user of mj, and given that he was self-medicating for severe adhd, his addictive behaviour only made things a lot worse. I was severely emotionally abused.

I just wouldn't have friends I didn't trust. I would look at why they've included mj in their lives. If it was to cover up a serious issue, I would think carefully about how much time I spend with them if ever. For me, mental evasion is a far worse behaviour than a purely pleasure-seeking one, if it's as innocuous as smoking mj. That said, I have experience with healing chronic illness derived of inhaling second-hand smoke, so none of my immediate family spends any time with people while they are smoking anything.

I have friends I trust on mj, and others I wouldn't be anywhere near if they took it up. I have no concerns about people using mj for pain management. I have greater concerns about people taking certain pharmaceuticals.

I also couldn't care any less about the state's legislating against non-violent, non-coercive, non-interfering behaviours. They can go ahead and do it, but if I determine something is good for my life and it's "unlawful", I'll just make sure to not be caught. I have no tolerance for meddling.

As an aside, the smell of mj causes so much emotional pain for me that I have never and likely will never ingest it in any way. I'm a straight-edge, but not to be a "good girl". I just really love my brain and don't find slowing it down to be relaxing or enjoyable at all. At least until now; I might end up being a party-gramma.







I have five children; I might be ready to slow my brain down once they're grown.

*ETA:Ha ha, CatsCradle, I just read your post. I guess there are at least a few of us who think the same thing*.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I don't, but I don't really care what other ADULTS do. I am very much against offering it to kids though and I'm not thrilled with the idea of smoking it with the kids. I would be absolutely furious if another parent offered pot to my kid.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

You're not the only one. DH and I don't, either. Of course, there may be SOME influence because of job requirements, but.....









Additionally, I do have real concerns about the legality of it. I have a hard time contemplating taking part in a recreational activity that could cause me to lose my kids. Fine, so it's illegal to have sex in a non-missionary position, but they're not going to raid your house and take your kids away for that. I mean, geez, we all understand how this works.

I would talk to my child, but I wouldn't name names. I would also offer them the, "You can call me anytime," option.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
The reason that I wouldn't name names to my child is because, if mj use is that wide spread and accepted where you live, you can't possible know the names of ALL the parents he will eventually spend time with who smoke. As his world continues to get bigger and he has more friends that you don't know the families, the more of a wild card issue it becomes. You really don't know which parent will cross line.

So rather than putting out an alert to be carefully around Tommy's parents, it just makes more sense to me to discuss the situation in general, so that how ever it plays out in his life he is prepared.

I think that makes a lot of sense.


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## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

Pot doesn't sit well with my body. It sends me into panic attacks. My fiancé smokes and I'm fine with that. When we have kids he can still smoke, just not around the kids, obviously. I wouldn't get drunk with the kids there, he won't get high.


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## kayleesmom (Dec 16, 2004)

we dont own a gun and never would we dont drink around kids and not often when it is just us two. and no we dont smoke pot. i would be totally turned off by that playgroup and never go back that is for sure.


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## Catubodua (Apr 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.


sadly, this isn't true where i am. even way back when, several of my friends in high school had parents that not only smoked pot with their kids and their kids' friends but who introduced it to many of them.

i still see it sporadically now, which makes me wonder if it happens as often as it did and it's just better hidden or if it's dropped off.

as for us - we don't use, have friends that do. i'm not sure i've thought enough about it to offer an opinion on how i want to handle it when DS gets older.


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## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

Yes.


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## physmom (Jun 15, 2009)

We definitely DON'T smoke pot. DH comes from a country that is ridden with problems due to drug dealers and even drugs like pot put money in the pocket of men who kill police men and take bribes from politicians. He's very much against drugs of any sort. Ditto for smoking. Occasionally we will have a bit of wine (very rarely and I actually haven't any in about 2.5 years). We stay away from anything that is mind altering.

Now, I actually wouldn't have a problem if pot was legalized (if certain conditions were enforced like with smoking) but like smoking I would have a very big problem with my own family participating in it. I'm very much of the opinion if it doesn't affect others than it's your own business and not the governments. Granted, I also would be happy if smoking/pot was illegal to do on the street and in only certain designated smoking areas like in Japan (again because if it's on the street it's affecting others).

ETA: we do have friends that do. It's a pretty touchy subject for us (DH has seen people killed due to drug wars so VERY touchy for him). We just avoid this topic like the plague.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I'm glad my friends don't. I have had to call a friend late at night to drop off one kid as I head to emergency room with the other (my hubby travels).... I would not want to drop my kid off some place where the parents had been getting high. That would alarm me. It is a parent's job to be alert and ready to handle anything that might come up for the children. Getting drunk or getting high both impede that response time.


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## Tumble Bumbles (Oct 15, 2009)

We don't smoke pot -- dh never did...I did to a degree of addiction (yeah, yeah people say it's not addictive, I guess I'm just special that way because it was a _*serious*_ addiction for me). My addiction led to some very scary life/death situations that are ~~thank God~~ behind me by several years.

That having been said, I don't spend a lot of my time legislating or speculating on what consenting adults wish to do with their personal time or money in their own homes (though I have my own personal and yes, judgmental, opinions on it).

I would be absolutely beyond furious if someone I knew offered my child pot or had it in their presence. I mean, I would be on the news type of furious. It doesn't so much have to do with the actual substance (although that is definitely a factor). It has more to do with blatantly disrespecting the role of parent in such matters and willingly making my child part of something mind-altering, illegal (whether you agree with the legalities or not, it is what it is for now), and which goes against our personal values.

I wouldn't allow my child to spend any amount of unsupervised time with people I knew smoked pot. It just isn't a lifestyle I want to promote.

I'm not going to call the cops on anyone but at the same time, I can choose who I surround myself with and who my children associate with intimately, at least until they are well into their teens.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

I am the mom in the library play group who chats with you while our toddlers sprint around.I am the mom playing peek a boo with her dd at the check out in the store. I am the mom who is out every day taking the dog and kiddo for a walk and a passing hello to you. We.see eachother all the time. Who am I? I am the mom who sits every night with her Dh after the baby is asleep and we smoke together and wind down. I am not a stoned crazed idiot incapable of making a rational decision. I am just like you (ok this has turned in to the odonell ad) and you won't ever know I smoke pot every single day unless I tell you. What I do responsibly in my own home is certainly none of your business. If someone has to ask me if I smoke because they think I would be irresponsible enough to smoke in front of their kid or be high while watching them or ever offer to any kid then you shouldn't let me watch your kid anyway because your opinion of me is so low.

Seriously nothing gets peoples morally self righteous feathers ruffled on here like the thought of people doing something (like smoking weed) that they could never dream of doing themselves.


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ldavis24* 
I am the mom in the library play group who chats with you while our toddlers sprint around.I am the mom playing peek a boo with her dd at the check out in the store. I am the mom who is out every day taking the dog and kiddo for a walk and a passing hello to you. We.see eachother all the time. Who am I? I am the mom who sits every night with her Dh after the baby is asleep and we smoke together and wind down. I am not a stoned crazed idiot incapable of making a rational decision. I am just like you (ok this has turned in to the odonell ad) and you won't ever know I smoke pot every single day unless I tell you. What I do responsibly in my own home is certainly none of your business. If someone has to ask me if I smoke because they think I would be irresponsible enough to smoke in front of their kid or be high while watching them or ever offer to any kid then you shouldn't let me watch your kid anyway because your opinion of me is so low.

Seriously nothing gets peoples morally self righteous feathers ruffled on here like the thought of people doing something (like smoking weed) that they could never dream of doing themselves.

And if your child gets sick an hour after you lit up, you have to drive him to the hospital under the influence.

And that is why I wouldn't allow someone who uses it to be in charge of my child.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
And if your child gets sick an hour after you lit up, you have to drive him to the hospital under the influence.

And that is why I wouldn't allow someone who uses it to be in charge of my child.

Oh for real? The same thing if she had a couple glasses of wine...

eta: I am drinking a rum and coke (well pepsi...) right now. There are very few things that would happen to my children tonight that would warrant a trip to the hospital as I have the intelligence to handle most middle of the night health concerns at home, even a little saucy. If some freak accident or something were to happen between now and about 2 am when I will be completely sober, I have a spouse who has not had a drink tonight and a cell phone to call 911...


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
And if your child gets sick an hour after you lit up, you have to drive him to the hospital under the influence.

And that is why I wouldn't allow someone who uses it to be in charge of my child.

Gee I thought I made it pretty clear that if I was ever watching anyne else's kid smoking would be the last thing on my mind. If dd got sick enough to warrant a hospital trip even five minutes after she went to bed and we smoked. We would take her to the hospital and deal. If I thought I was too messed up to drive I would call an ambulance in a heartbeat.I know this isn't popular to admit but people function high on way worse things than weed and when I was young (high school) I stupidly smoked and drove constantly. I could deal with the emergency the same way I would if I hadn't smoked.And, even though it is totally beside the point its not like unless you are visibly messed up the hospital staff is grilling the parent on their practices. I don't drink at all ironically enough but I would be far far more concerned about having even just a couple of glasses of wine in the situation you described.


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ldavis24* 
Gee I thought I made it pretty clear that if I was ever watching anyne else's kid smoking would be the last thing on my mind. If dd got sick enough to warrant a hospital trip even five minutes after she went to bed and we smoked. We would take her to the hospital and deal. If I thought I was too messed up to drive I would call an ambulance in a heartbeat.I know this isn't popular to admit but people function high on way worse things than weed and when I was young (high school) I stupidly smoked and drove constantly. I could deal with the emergency the same way I would if I hadn't smoked.And, even though it is totally beside the point its not like unless you are visibly messed up the hospital staff is grilling the parent on their practices. I don't drink at all ironically enough but I would be far far more concerned about having even just a couple of glasses of wine in the situation you described.

And as I stated before, I wuld not allow my child to be supervised by someone who was drinking either.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Which is 100% your choice, if that is what makes your comfortable.... However to imply that people who have a drink or two on occasion are irresponsible parents is absurd...


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## Tumble Bumbles (Oct 15, 2009)

It's not the substance entirely, it's the fact that someone needs pot every night to 'unwind'. I prefer my children spend time with people who can model relaxation techniques and coping mechanisms unrelated to drugs or alcohol. Sure, I have the *occasional* glass of wine because I enjoy the flavor of a particular local red wine, but if I felt I needed it "every night to unwind" after the kids were in bed, that would be not acceptable to _me_.

Some posters are assuming it's a value judgment on the people themselves. It isn't. I'm sure someone is really swell to talk to at the park or wave hello to on the street or smile at in the grocery store. That's all well and good. We are talking placing the most important people in my entire world in the care of someone who chooses to risk legal ramifications and potential mental and physical health consequences for the sake of having something with which to 'unwind'.

Chatting at the park is one thing, but they won't be watching my children. That's my right, just as it's their right to toke up every night (not really since it's illegal but whatever, it's not my business. My kids _are_ my business though.)


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## Jane91 (Mar 4, 2009)

My experience, in graduate school, was that there was definitely a circle of people who did take pot, and then there was a circle of people who didn't and there wasn't much cross-over between the two.

Basically, those who chose to partake weren't much interested in hanging out with those who didn't. Their good time revolved around doing it together, so if you weren't doing pot, you weren't a part of that group.

It sounds like the OP's social network has a similar vibe -- I'm sorry and hope you have better luck finding a social group whose values are more in line with yours.

***Also, I love (NOT!) how peer pressure never seems to end. Evidently, the OP isn't cool enough to hang out with if she has an issue with her kids being exposed to pot.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Uhm. No. That is not it. I have not read a post where anyone who is openminded about pot has said that they will not hang out with people who don't use it BECAUSE of their choice to refrain. Speaking for myself, I would likely be hesitant to befriend the OP in the interest of personal safety. Someone who would TELL OTHERS what I do would not be a good friend to me, should I ever partake again....

And honestly, I am quite bemused that you would make that assertion to begin with as the only people in this thread that have claimed that they would not be friends with, or trusting of, based on their CHOICE ALONE to smoke, or not are those that don't...


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## Jane91 (Mar 4, 2009)

"I have not read a post where anyone who is openminded about pot has said that they will not hang out with people who don't use it BECAUSE of their choice to refrain."

I think it is a natural division -- its a group of people who have a "hobby" in common, and thus are closer to/prefer to hang out with people with the same "hobby". The dynamic in grad school (for me) was that that particular "hobby" seemed to trump other interests -- especially when the main purpose of many parties was apparently to get together to do pot. I'm not saying that there was a total hard division -- just that friendships seemed tighter in the different groups.

Also - I have noticed a dynamic in certain circles where if you do not partake (whether it is pot, alcohol or cigarettes), your failure to join in makes others uncomfortable EVEN IF you are not judgmental of their choices. The failure to join in is seen as judgment even if it is not intended that way.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Agreed...

I prefer to hang out with people of similar mindsets in most areas... I feel more comfortable with liberal people. I feel more comfortable with people with a more natural way of life. I feel more comfortable with people who are of a less strict religious belief, or are accepting that others disagree. However, that does not mean that I only associate with such people to the point of exclusivity. It is just natural that people spend more quality time with those they can relate to. Just as I am fine hanging out with a devout Christian, provided they are not trying to shove their doctrine down my throat, I am fine hanging out with someone who does not smoke pot provided they are not going to share that information with the world (which is NOT saying that I would smoke in the presence of someone who is uncomfortable with it, cause that is just completely disrespectful).


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## Tumble Bumbles (Oct 15, 2009)

Just 'cause someone doesn't smoke pot doesn't mean they're not natural or liberal.

Don't let the 'Christian' in my siggie fool you, I've been to the fair







and I actively _chose_ , of my own free will, another way of life that didn't depend on having to use a controlled, illegal-in-most-areas, mind-altering substance (no matter it's "natural" status) to feel better/mellow/relaxed/inspired etc. I mean, there _is_ a reason people smoke pot, after all. If they don't use it to attain a feeling or way of being they can't evoke naturally, what is the point of using it at all?

That having been said, I wouldn't call the cops on some one (I've got beliefs about worldly authority that may surprise you as well), but I _would_ tell my children (provided I felt my child could be discreet) if pot were a factor in why I didn't allow them to spend intimate or unsupervised time with the family in question.

Incidentally, I am learning to embrace the assumption that just because I'm a devout Christian I musn't know a thing about the pot counter-culture. It promotes arrogance (and thus, sloppiness) on the end of the smoker who thinks they're so cleverly hiding their smoking habit and gives me way more insight and information about the people my children are exposed (or not) to on an intimate, unsupervised level -- but we can meet at the park as long as they're not high jk

I think one can be a 'good person' and smoke pot. They're just going be a good person who doesn't spend unsupervised time with my children, and that's fine. It also has to do with practicing _in my life_ the values we hold in our family. I can't very well teach my child that I am not okay with pot in my intimate relationships/environment, then drop them off at Aunt Susie-who-tokes-up-every-night's house and use the 'it wasn't my business' line when they find out and ask. Kids are MUCH smarter than people give them credit for.

That just doesn't make good parenting sense, imo.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tumble Bumbles* 
Just 'cause someone doesn't smoke pot doesn't mean they're not natural or liberal.

Don't let the 'Christian' in my siggie fool you, I've been to the fair







and I actively _chose_ , of my own free will, another way of life that didn't depend on having to use a controlled, illegal-in-most-areas, mind-altering substance (no matter it's "natural" status) to feel better/mellow/relaxed/inspired etc. I mean, there _is_ a reason people smoke pot, after all. If they don't use it to attain a feeling or way of being they can't evoke naturally, what is the point of using it at all?

That having been said, I wouldn't call the cops on some one (I've got beliefs about worldly authority that may surprise you as well), but I _would_ tell my children (provided I felt my child could be discreet) if pot were a factor in why I didn't allow them to spend intimate or unsupervised time with the family in question.

Incidentally, I am learning to embrace the assumption that just because I'm a devout Christian I musn't know a thing about the pot counter-culture. It promotes arrogance (and thus, sloppiness) on the end of the smoker who thinks they're so cleverly hiding their smoking habit and gives me way more insight and information about the people my children are exposed (or not) to on an intimate, unsupervised level -- but we can meet at the park as long as they're not high jk

I think one can be a 'good person' and smoke pot. They're just going be a good person who doesn't spend unsupervised time with my children, and that's fine. It also has to do with practicing _in my life_ the values we hold in our family. I can't very well teach my child that I am not okay with pot in my intimate relationships/environment, then drop them off at Aunt Susie-who-tokes-up-every-night's house and use the 'it wasn't my business' line when they find out and ask. Kids are MUCH smarter than people give them credit for.

That just doesn't make good parenting sense, imo.

You completely misunderstood what I was saying... I was commenting on Jane91s insightful post on natural divisions. I was using those as examples of OTHER areas where natural divisions occur based on commonalities...


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## Tumble Bumbles (Oct 15, 2009)

My post wasn't directed at you personally, I apologize if it came across that way. It was more that I was using your post as a jumping board for my own thoughts about I've observed are pretty typical assumptions of me.

Sorry for any confusion, I didn't mean to offend you


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:

Basically, those who chose to partake weren't much interested in hanging out with those who didn't. Their good time revolved around doing it together, so if you weren't doing pot, you weren't a part of that group.
As someone who doesn't, I think it's more the other way 'round. It's not that I don't want to be casual friends with people who smoke, or even good friends. It's not that I don't want it to be legal. I do.

It's that as long as it's illegal, you can bet your bottom dollar I'm not going to be anywhere near it and risk my kids, my life of travel, my livelihood. And since I don't feel it's appropriate to grill new friends on whether they keep a stash at home or grow or not, I don't end up spending much time with people who use illegal drugs, however casually.

I'll do it where it's legal.

I do not have a problem with their choice. I just don't choose to take that particular risk at this time. There are more important civil rights issues I'm willing to stand up for but this is not one of them.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

No worries...







My mistake...

and no offense taken....


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## Tumble Bumbles (Oct 15, 2009)

No, I can see where it looks that way, thanks for understanding. Personally, the nature of this particular thread aside, I think most of us probably have way more in common than not... which is why we're all here after all.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Truth...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
And if your child gets sick an hour after you lit up, you have to drive him to the hospital under the influence.

And that is why I wouldn't allow someone who uses it to be in charge of my child.

When I still smoked pot (almost entirely pre-kids, admittedly...think I smoked 3-4 times when ds1 was little), I also didn't drive. I didn't actually drive until ds1 was 12. So, if he'd hurt himself, I absolutely would _not_ have "had' to drive him anywhere, even if I had been under the influence (of pot, booze, or anything else). I'd have _had_ to call an ambulance.

To assert that someone who had smoked some pot would then "have" to drive their child somewhere in the case of an emergency is kind of over-the-top.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
To assert that someone who had smoked some pot would then "have" to drive their child somewhere in the case of an emergency is kind of over-the-top.

I agree. I don't smoke currently, but I also don't drive in the dark. Lets just say we had to get one of the kids to the ER and DH had (like most nights) drank a couple beers. Even being completely sober myself, I wouldn't be likely to risk driving at night. We would find someone else to take us, or call an ambulance. So, I don't really get the _OMG if someone partakes they can't get their kid to a hospital_ mentality. There are even nights where DH and I both have a couple drinks after dinner -- yeah, I suppose in an ideal world at least one parent would refrain in case of an emergency. I guess we don't live for the 'what-ifs'. If at 1 am something happened with the kids, we would still need to find a way to get them to the ER.


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## Mackenzie (Sep 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife* 
I agree. I don't smoke currently, but I also don't drive in the dark. Lets just say we had to get one of the kids to the ER and DH had (like most nights) drank a couple beers. Even being completely sober myself, I wouldn't be likely to risk driving at night. We would find someone else to take us, or call an ambulance. *So, I don't really get the OMG if someone partakes they can't get their kid to a hospital mentality.* There are even nights where DH and I both have a couple drinks after dinner -- yeah, I suppose in an ideal world at least one parent would refrain in case of an emergency. I guess we don't live for the 'what-ifs'. If at 1 am something happened with the kids, we would still need to find a way to get them to the ER.


Me either... there are a ton of scenarios that don't involve any kind of intoxication. People could be on vacation in a completely unfamiliar area. People couple be without a car due to it being in the shop overnight (or car-free period) or like Drummer's Wife, unable to drive at night (my mom really shouldn't either), or incredibly sleep deprived where operating a car would be unwise... Are those scenarios irresponsible too?


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I agree that if it's a question of driving... call an ambulance! My blood alcohol level is over at 1.5 glasses of wine, sometimes only one glass if it's particularly strong. I know this and I know that in an emergency, if it were to happen right after drinking my ONE GLASS, I would call an ambulance.

That said, I wouldn't consider drinking a glass while watching another person's small child, but that's different.


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## east carolina (Apr 5, 2006)

I have friends that smoke pot and I still do, but pretty rarely. We've had some pot in the house on occasion. DS is 5 and has no clue about marijuana. He knows about smoking, because he sees alot of people do it and knows that some of our friends do. I've told him about the risk of smoking and he was a receptive listener so when he's gotten too judgmental about it, I also told him that I used to smoke when I was younger and that everybody has to decide for themselves if and when they want to smoke and when they want to quit.

If he want to smoke cigarettes or pot, it won't be that big of a deal for me as long as he respects that we don't smoke anything inside the house and that it doesn't interfere with his life, his school, his work, his friendships. I'm not so much concerned with recreational alcohol, tobacco and MJ use. It's really a grey area for me, it's pretty relative imo.

We live in a society where MJ is smoked out in the open, it's borderline legal and it's very easy to buy. I'm sure he's smelled it outside, but he's never asked.

I would have no problem knowing that alot of the parents and families we know are potsmokers, the only thing that would bother me would be if they were doing it in front of really young children. If they were responsible users, I wouldn't talk about it with DS until after he found out, or when he would be old enough and mature enough to know things about people and keep judgment to himself.

DH and I enjoy drinking alcohol and DH has a full bar and fixes us a cocktail just about every night. DS sees this and we'll make him a virgin drink.


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## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *east carolina* 
I have friends that smoke pot and I still do, but pretty rarely. We've had some pot in the house on occasion. DS is 5 and has no clue about marijuana. He knows about smoking, because he sees alot of people do it and knows that some of our friends do. I've told him about the risk of smoking and he was a receptive listener so when he's gotten too judgmental about it, I also told him that I used to smoke when I was younger and that everybody has to decide for themselves if and when they want to smoke and when they want to quit.

If he want to smoke cigarettes or pot, it won't be that big of a deal for me as long as he respects that we don't smoke anything inside the house and that it doesn't interfere with his life, his school, his work, his friendships. I'm not so much concerned with recreational alcohol, tobacco and MJ use. It's really a grey area for me, it's pretty relative imo.

We live in a society where MJ is smoked out in the open, it's borderline legal and it's very easy to buy. I'm sure he's smelled it outside, but he's never asked.

I would have no problem knowing that alot of the parents and families we know are potsmokers, the only thing that would bother me would be if they were doing it in front of really young children. If they were responsible users, I wouldn't talk about it with DS until after he found out, or when he would be old enough and mature enough to know things about people and keep judgment to himself.

DH and I enjoy drinking alcohol and DH has a full bar and fixes us a cocktail just about every night. DS sees this and we'll make him a virgin drink.

Where do you live? We gotta move there!







MJ is very illegal here. There are more and more people pushing for it to become legal though. I hope we win...


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