# Anyone else torure themselves?



## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

I just spent the last hour looking at belly pictures and reading posts in the October DDC - that's when my last baby should have been due, that's what my belly should look like....








: Why do I do this!?!?!


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

It`s really hard to stop thinking about what might have been.. Peace and healing to your heart..


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## avivaelona (Jun 24, 2005)

Honestly I think its painful but somehow healing...or at least a stage that you have to pass through.

I'm sorry you aren't posting belly pictures with them


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I was due in October as well. I miscarried in April. I do go back and visit my old DDC every now and then and say hi sometimes. I don't consider it torture but it is a little painful.


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## Mamax3 (Nov 21, 2001)

I was wondering the same thing about myself, I was in the Sept DDC, so my due date is coming up Sept 6th and I was looking to see how many have had their babies already and it is painful but I find myself happy for those who have their babies to hold and are still waiting. I think it is natural to be curious about how things would be if they had worked out differently.

I'm sorry you are hurting.


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## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

I keep going back to the august ddc to see all the babies born. *sigh* I've been doing it so I can get "used to" it I guess.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Thanks everybody. I'm actually feeling a little better today. I just wish I could hurry up and be over this already - but I know that's not going to happen. I just want to feel normal and not like I want to scream every time I see a pregnant woman. I wish I had someone to talk to IRL about all of this. (DH has totally shut down about this and everyone else has moved on. The support group at the hospital here that I finally got the courage to call hasn't been meeting due to a lack of interest







) Anyway, thanks for all the kind words. I know that this will take a long time, and I never will be "over" it, but it helps to know I'm not alone. Thanks for all the hugs. I hope everyone else is doing well. Thanks.


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## yummymummy2hannah (Aug 23, 2006)

I do the same thing too! I'm so glad you posted this as I was scared to. Just last week I was having a terrible week and I was punishing myself with looking at pregnant bellies from Oct/Nov when I was due. I also was looking at pictures of stillborn babies trying so hard to find a 16 week old baby so I could remember Nathaniel better. I felt like I was torturing myself and I was sick.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yummymummy2hannah* 
I do the same thing too! I'm so glad you posted this as I was scared to. Just last week I was having a terrible week and I was punishing myself with looking at pregnant bellies from Oct/Nov when I was due. I also was looking at pictures of stillborn babies trying so hard to find a 16 week old baby so I could remember Nathaniel better. I felt like I was torturing myself and I was sick.









Oh, I'm so sorry! I just hate that anyone else has to deal with this.








I don't think we're sick, just incredibly sad.


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## yummymummy2hannah (Aug 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boysmom2* 
I don't think we're sick, just incredibly sad.

Oh, I agree! I wish my mind wouldn't think of those things though.


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## EarthMamaToBe (Feb 19, 2008)

I must echo that you are not alone in this.


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## CassieJones (Aug 26, 2008)

I too have done this.
Esp. being pregnant with family members, I was due the same month as both of my sil..they both had their babies this past july and here I am empty handed! Then again I should be having another in September. I keep look at friends myspace pages that are due next month and I am just so jealous and sad.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Thanks everybody. I'm so sorry that so many of you know how I feel.


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## kohlby (Dec 5, 2005)

I was due at the end of Oct myself. But I can't bring myself to go over there. I know that baby was a girl, which somehow makes it easier to hear of others pg with boys around that time. I have a cousin due in early Nov and I was relieved to hear she was pg with a boy. I was also due this past July and lost that one. Once again, I couldn't handle checking up on the boards. I used to post with a small group of women but so many women were pg between July and Oct. I got to lead the baby boom over there and then end it when I got pg again - but then I miscarried again. I'm just now able to visit over there but it's still tough. There's really just one board that the women post on over there so it was impossible to not read pg posts daily if I wasn't having a strong day.

When I had my first loss, I did get to the point where I'd check out the due date board I should have been on. By the third loss, I had learned to not figure out EDD until I was at the end of first trimester - that way I didn't have two difficult dates - the miscarriage date and the EDD date. My dealing-with-loss technique has changed over the years.

*I don't think you ever get over it. And really, I wouldn't want fully get over it. My angel babies have a special place in my heart. It's more about getting through it than over it.


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## erin_brycesmom (Nov 5, 2005)

I've never gone back and looked at the Sept DDC. I can't bring myself to go there. That is the easy part. But the *SEVEN* mamas that are due in September in my local AP/NL playgroup...I can't avoid them unless I quit the playgroup but I love the group and my children's friend are all there so....


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

You're not alone. I'm extremely fixated on childbirth,pregnancy, babies, and small children. I love looking at the pictures even though it hurts.


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