# Let's do another embarrassing kid's thread:



## *clementine* (Oct 15, 2004)

The other night Eli and I were sitting at the computer and Loo was watching TV.
During a commerical she jumped up and said to us "Hey watch this....."
We turned around and all in one motion, Lucia juts her hip to the side, whips down her britches, smacks a bare bun and belts out "Who let the dogs out."
At first we were shocked. Just shocked.
Then Eli and I were double over unable to stop laughing.
In between gasping for air I told her never to do that again. EVER. (But, If it makes your parents laugh that hard....it's not going to end with a reprimand.)
The next day we asked my Mom to watch Loo. While we're dropping her off, I told her about the "Who let the dogs out" story. She's laughing about it and I'm getting ready to go, when Loo needs to go to the bathroom.
I took her in and after she was done, I decided I should go too before I hit the road.
When it's my turn, down come my pants and I'm ready to postition my buns on the toilet when Loo opens her mouth and PELTS at the top of her lungs "WHO LET THE STINKY DOGS OUT?"
What?!
I was super embarressed and decided the best way to handle it was to pretend it just didn't happen, once I leave the room.
I turned to Loo and hiss "Loo, Grandma goes to church and she does not like that kind of talk, so be quiet! Then I nonchalantly hicked up my britches and went to leave the bathroom......
but there's Mom, my step dad and my sister....
right outside the bathroom door- they're hanging up a planter over the stairs..
They heard the whole thing.
Now everyone knows how I really roll.
Stinky style.

Your turn.


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## kirstenb (Oct 4, 2007)

I have nothing. But thanks for the best laugh I have had all week!


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

oh god that's funny.

ds was/is fascinated with the human body. That's cool, smart kid, wants to know his stuff. I answer all his questions honestly and to the best of my knowledge and when I don't know something, we look it up. Well, he seems to sock this information away to use at the most opportune times. In the grocer store when he was four, a little old lady is talking to me about the price of produce or something and he says "my heart is beating faster and faster.... my heart is pumping blood through my body... I have lots and lots of blood.... if it all came out I would be DEAD!!"









I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them"







:


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

ALL THE TIME dd (4) likes to freak out when I'm having my period. I try to avoid using the bathroom with her when other people are within earshot, but sometimes it's inevitable. "MOMMY! OH NO MOMMY! YOU'RE BLEEDING MOMMY!! THERE'S BLOOD COMING OUT OF YOUR BUTT! OH NO! IT'S NOT YOUR BUTT IT'S YOUR VULVA MOMMY! DID YOU SCRATCH YOURSELF MOMMY?!?! YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T PUT THINGS IN THERE MOMMY, YOU COULD HURT YOURSELF!"

why's it gotta be like that?


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## BeckC (Nov 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them"


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BeckC* 









that was usually the reaction we got. Thing is, the way he said it kind of sounded like a threat.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

This just happened today:

Ds and I were walking down the street. An older woman (later 60's, I think) walked by. Ds said (really loudly, of course) "She has a missing tooth just like ME!"

Um, er...Oh dear.


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! *My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them*"







:

That has got to be the best pickup line ever.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

he seems to think so, but so far it's not really working for him. wonder what he's doing wrong....


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)




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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"

Oh. My. Goddess.


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"









:


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## basmom (Jun 4, 2006)

I think I just peed my pants a little.

My story has already been used in the "You know you're the parent of a toddler when..." thread:

DS is in the very beginning stages of potty learning and is fascinated with flushing. We were in the public restroom at the mall and he yelled out "mommy, I flush you poopies, ok?!?!" ---Um, yep. Sure, go ahead, babe, whatever floats your boat... (I did hear a giggle from the stall next to me







)


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## basmom (Jun 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"

Yep. I do..... They have great sneakers (and 30%off coupons!)


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## a(TM)?Star (Oct 13, 2005)

This has been the best part of my day.







: (too lazy to find lol smilie)


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## Serrendipity (Apr 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
oh god that's funny.

ds was/is fascinated with the human body. That's cool, smart kid, wants to know his stuff. I answer all his questions honestly and to the best of my knowledge and when I don't know something, we look it up. Well, he seems to sock this information away to use at the most opportune times. In the grocer store when he was four, a little old lady is talking to me about the price of produce or something and he says "my heart is beating faster and faster.... my heart is pumping blood through my body... I have lots and lots of blood.... if it all came out I would be DEAD!!"









I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them"







:

So far, we're at the whole "babies are made in mommies' tummies, but not where your food goes" place and leaving it at that for a while.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
ALL THE TIME dd (4) likes to freak out when I'm having my period. I try to avoid using the bathroom with her when other people are within earshot, but sometimes it's inevitable. "MOMMY! OH NO MOMMY! YOU'RE BLEEDING MOMMY!! THERE'S BLOOD COMING OUT OF YOUR BUTT! OH NO! IT'S NOT YOUR BUTT IT'S YOUR VULVA MOMMY! DID YOU SCRATCH YOURSELF MOMMY?!?! YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T PUT THINGS IN THERE MOMMY, YOU COULD HURT YOURSELF!"

why's it gotta be like that?

I get that from DD, too. She is also 4.









Serendipity


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Thank GOD the worst my daughter has said was when we were at home (away from ears that would have taken our child in a heartbeat).

So, about 5 years back (DD was almost 4 at the time), her and DH used to pretend they were animals. A few times, DD would take her bible cover/purse strap and clip it to DH's shirt collar and parade him around like a puppy on a leash. One day, she walked downstairs with the strap in her hand and bellowed "Daddy, do me like a doggy!"

To this day, it makes me want to hide just thinking about it.

Oh, and I cannot believe we got out of the childhood years without a public embarrassment (besides the time DD asked me if a person was a man or a woman, but thankfully *she* didn't hear).


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"









:


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"









Excuse me while I go wipe off my keyboard and monitor...


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

AAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhh Thank you SO SO much!!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
oh god that's funny.

ds was/is fascinated with the human body. That's cool, smart kid, wants to know his stuff. I answer all his questions honestly and to the best of my knowledge and when I don't know something, we look it up. Well, he seems to sock this information away to use at the most opportune times. In the grocer store when he was four, a little old lady is talking to me about the price of produce or something and he says "my heart is beating faster and faster.... my heart is pumping blood through my body... I have lots and lots of blood.... if it all came out I would be DEAD!!"









I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them"







:


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

OMGoodess! Can't.Stop. Laughing!!!!!!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

This one, thankfully, happened to DH instead of me...

Public restroom. Daddy and his son in a stall, going potty. DS1 says, "Daddy, why is your penis so BIG?!"

And my "want-to-run-and-hide-but-that-would-make-it-worse" moment... we were at one of my prenatal appointments for DS2, and when we came back out to the lobby, there's an older African-American lady sitting there waiting her turn. DS1 says, "Mommy, why is that BLACK GUY there?" He was only just starting to get the hang of gender, mostly only relating to people his own age.

I had to take a moment to prioritize... what's the most important thing here? The gender issue? The fact that we don't generally discuss people's race? The use of the term African-American being preferred? I hit all three, I think in that order, in the most nonchalant teachable-moment tone I could muster.

The lady, for her part, found it amusing... I'm really glad, since we shared a very, VERY long wait for the elevator with her! During which she was in a wheelchair... which again my DS1, who has seen plenty of AA people, women, and wheelchairs, also asked blunt embarrassing questions about... but this gave her an opening to tell him that she was one of the very last victims of polio in the US before the vaccine became widely available, and so get yer shots, yadda yadda (polio is one of the ones we do, so it wasn't totally unwelcome).


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## MommyTorf (Nov 9, 2004)

Thankfully, this one came out at home....

DP says "douchebag" all the time- I guess it's his curse/put-down of choice. He mostly says it when he is driving.

The three of us were hanging at home, DP was looking at a Rolling Stone magazine and DS (2 1/2 at the time) was playing with trains on the floor.

*DP* (to me): Look at this douche! Can you believe what he is wearing?!?
*DS*: No daddy, douche*BAG*!

Stunned silence.
Then I laughed so hard that I cried, which, of course, was an excellent reinforcer. It took about 3 weeks to erase that word from his vocabulary.


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## artemis80 (Sep 8, 2006)

Nothing too terrible yet, but whenever we go in a public restroom, ds likes to talk about not only what I am doing "Mama peeing! You peeing, Mama!" but what other people are doing, too, based on the sounds: "She going poop, Mama! She going poop!"


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## ABrez (Apr 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyTorf* 
Thankfully, this one came out at home....

DP says "douchebag" all the time- I guess it's his curse/put-down of choice. He mostly says it when he is driving.

The three of us were hanging at home, DP was looking at a Rolling Stone magazine and DS (2 1/2 at the time) was playing with trains on the floor.

*DP* (to me): Look at this douche! Can you believe what he is wearing?!?
*DS*: No daddy, douche*BAG*!

Stunned silence.
Then I laughed so hard that I cried, which, of course, was an excellent reinforcer. It took about 3 weeks to erase that word from his vocabulary.


LOL! Don't forget the bag!


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## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

Ugh. The race ones are the worst, imo.

My ds was 4 and we were checking out a map of the world we had posted underneath our kitchen window. I was pointing out the different continents and touching a little on how people might look/act/eat/dress differently in different places. Then, I don't know what I was thinking, except that ds likes big words, I said "This is Africa. Alot of the people who live here have very dark skin. Even darker than yours (he's mixed aa/w) and Auntie's (she's mixed pr/w). Do you know what we call people who live in America who's families have come from Africa so they have dark skin?" To which he replied

"SLAVES!!"







<---him, very very very, humiliatingly proud of himself.

Our aa duplex neighbor happened to be outside said window on our shared porch at the time














:

Too much Liberty's kids and not enough history lessons I guess. Poor kid was stuck in colonial America. I swear I did not leave the house for a week.


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

I.love.this.thread.


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## Elijahs Momma (Dec 12, 2007)

Quote:

Ugh. The race ones are the worst, imo.

My ds was 4 and we were checking out a map of the world we had posted underneath our kitchen window. I was pointing out the different continents and touching a little on how people might look/act/eat/dress differently in different places. Then, I don't know what I was thinking, except that ds likes big words, I said "This is Africa. Alot of the people who live here have very dark skin. Even darker than yours (he's mixed aa/w) and Auntie's (she's mixed pr/w). Do you know what we call people who live in America who's families have come from Africa so they have dark skin?" To which he replied

"SLAVES!!" <---him, very very very, humiliatingly proud of himself.

Our aa duplex neighbor happened to be outside said window on our shared porch at the time

Too much Liberty's kids and not enough history lessons I guess. Poor kid was stuck in colonial America. I swear I did not leave the house for a week.
























Oh my goodness. Thank you for that lol.


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## Milvudeeshna (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them"







:









: can't... breathe...


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

I'm glad you guys like these, I'll have to think of more. Ds's not great with the social interactions, so he's full of these. He seems to use the most outrageously humiliating ones for when he most ardently wants to impress.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Alright, I found some archived goodies here, but they're not all embarrassing, per se:

I was shopping online for a swim suit (Victoria's Secret, no less) with my sisters there (I needed opinions, yk?) and Lavinia (4) climbs onto my lap. I say "oh geez, I don't want her here seeing all this." My sister (13yo) says "umm, why not?" Me "cuz I don't want her to think she'll grow up to look like this, cuz she won't. and that girl doesn't either... grumble grumble grumble...." Then Lavi says, with serious attitude "oh mommy, I'm not a look like that when I grow up." Click, click, next picture "I'm not a look like that, eefer." click, click, "I'm not a look like that" click, click, stick-figure-with-fake-boobs in worlds smallest bikini, "OH MOMMY! I'm look like that a I'ma grownup!"







The last one had brown hair, so I'm telling myself it was that that she was excited about. sheesh.


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## KarmaJoy (Jan 25, 2006)

Last week dd had to go potty while we were at the mall. We were on the way to the bathroom (I was carrying ds and she was walking along beside me), when I hear her steps slow and turn around but it is too late.

In anticipation of getting to the potty, she is waddling along with her pants and underwear around her ankles....with about 5 people directly behind her. I gasped, they gasped. I tried to offer a polite, embarrassed smile to the 16 year old boys as the passed while I was trying to yank her pants up but they understandably avoided eye contact.

It was kinda funny. At least she didn't pee on the floor.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Jonas is bouncing a birthball around the house and it knocks Lavinia to the floor making a really horrible head-cracking sound. I run over, of course, and she's hysterical and all, and she says "Jonas knocked me down and smash me on my head and mine bellyyyyyyy!" "and I mean on my baby, too." (she's been insisting for weeks that she has a baby in her belly)
me - "lavi you don't have a baby in your belly."
L - "yes I do. I do have a baby really in mine belly!"
me - "no. you have to be a mama age to have a baby in your belly."
L - "no"
me - "I'm sorry honey, but you really don't have a baby in there."
L - "yes-I-do-I-do-I-have-a-baby-in-mine-belly-!-do! Look how big it is!"
me - *shakes head, rolls eyes* I pat her belly and she looks sad
J - "don't worry Lavinia! when you're grownup you can have one! I'll give you a sperm!"
me -









well, actually I explained to him that he can't make a baby with his sister, but that just ended in lots of yelling. Unfortunately he has a point - technically he CAN make a baby with his sister. But he shouldn't.

I like that he said "a sperm" not just sperm. he'll only part with one in her case I guess.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarmaJoy* 
Last week dd had to go potty while we were at the mall. We were on the way to the bathroom (I was carrying ds and she was walking along beside me), when I hear her steps slow and turn around but it is too late.

In anticipation of getting to the potty, she is waddling along with her pants and underwear around her ankles....with about 5 people directly behind her. I gasped, they gasped. I tried to offer a polite, embarrassed smile to the 16 year old boys as the passed while I was trying to yank her pants up but they understandably avoided eye contact.

It was kinda funny. At least she didn't pee on the floor.

lol. mine would have done that _and_ peed on the floor. I just knwo it.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Lavinia "mama, my tummy is SO hurty"
Me "it is, honey, how come?"
Lavinia "the baby in my tummy is kicking me because it wants JELLLLLLLLLO!"
Me








Daddy "uhh, we watched (a bootlegged) Juno the other day. Like three times"









Most of these are, of course, said in the company of people whom I don't want to hear this. that's the embarrassing part.


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## KarmaJoy (Jan 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artemis80* 









Nothing too terrible yet, but whenever we go in a public restroom, ds likes to talk about not only what I am doing "Mama peeing! You peeing, Mama!" but what other people are doing, too, based on the sounds: "She going poop, Mama! She going poop!"

Oh, yes. My dd does this and loves it. I can't get her to stop. I am trying to explain "embarrassing" to her but to no avail. Last time we were out she said, "Someone has loud poo-poo, and toots!"


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

here's a good one that embarrassed my 14yo sister! mwahaha!

Danielle: My back hurts all weird.

Me: are you having your period?

Danielle:









Me: Those are cramps, sherlock.

Danielle:









Jonas : My back hurts, too, Danielle! I'm having cramps. That's my period.









me:


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

oh man, that's all I've got saved.... I thought I had some better ones.







:


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## marieangela (Apr 15, 2003)

Just a week or two ago I was sitting on the front porch with my two boys. My older neighbors from across the street were sitting on their back deck, too. My almost three year old ds2 started asking if our dog peed from her bum and where was her penis. I explained how she's a girl and girl's don't have a penis, they have a vulva. Ds2 proceeds to say that he has a penis and his brother has a penis and very loudly says "And Daddy has a big fat penis!". Kind of embarassing considering the neighbors, but pretty funny to me.


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## reeseccup (Jul 3, 2003)

Kids are too funny.

Ok, here is one of mine:

DS about 2/3 at the time, was sitting in the seat of a cart in Ross's (know how narrow those aisles are?). I'm looking at clothes for dd and one of the workers there squeezed by with her bodacious tata's in ds's face. Mind you, he's at that age where he'll do anything, ANYTHING to get that "oh you're so darn cute" look. His thing was to go up and and gentle pinch someone and they'd turn around, he'd give this look







: and gush over him. Well, in this lady's case, it wasn't her leg that got pinched














since well she WAS all in his face.

SHe was aghast and called him a pervert basically, all the while I'm laughing so hard and telling her that I'm sure he didn't mean anything sexual about it since he obviously was still a baby/toddler. That seemed to add insult to injury which sent in farther into palpitations, either that or the fact I couldn't stop laughing.

OMG same kid, ds last year (he was 5 then) was digging for gold at faire when he was part of a mask







I kept hissing at him to stop and the Queen is just watching us two...then he pops that booger finger into his mouth





















: and the Queen lost it, she was laughing so hard her face was beet red.


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## Best Feeling (May 11, 2005)

Oh these are just too funny. This one had me rolling:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
"Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"

My most embarrassed by a kid story:

DD overheard me say f*cking. I don't have a problem with swear words but I know this isn't socially acceptable to most people so I asked DD (4 y.o at the time) not to repeat it. She didn't...until a couple of days later when we were at a party at her preschool and it was time to go. Despite the fact that they were putting up the chairs and sweeping the floors, DD was not ready to leave. The only people left was one kid and her dad, who were on their way out, and three preschool teachers. I'm sure the teachers were ready for us to hit the road and I was trying to get DD to want to leave. DD's running around all crazy-like and stops in front of me. She looks at me with this mischevious grin and then...

DD1: f*cking
Me: Please don't say that
DD1: f*cking f*cking
Me: DD, PLEASE do not say that
DD1: I can't stop saying f*cking, it's hard not to say f*cking
Me: It's not hard, just DON'T say it
DD1: f*cking

I just picked her up and carried her out after that. I was mortified and knew that I only had myself to blame. Incidentally, I'm much more careful about swearing now







Her teachers are still nice to me so they must not have been too offended.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them"







:

Do 6 year olds have sperm? I thought sperm got produced on an as needed basis in response to hormonal signals that don't kick in until puberty? Of course, it would clearly have broken his little heart to tell him that...


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarmaJoy* 
Last week dd had to go potty while we were at the mall. We were on the way to the bathroom (I was carrying ds and she was walking along beside me), when I hear her steps slow and turn around but it is too late.

In anticipation of getting to the potty, she is waddling along with her pants and underwear around her ankles....with about 5 people directly behind her. I gasped, they gasped. I tried to offer a polite, embarrassed smile to the 16 year old boys as the passed while I was trying to yank her pants up but they understandably avoided eye contact.

It was kinda funny. At least she didn't pee on the floor.









: To Do: Maintain enough strength to scoop child up like a football and sprint to bathroom.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Do 6 year olds have sperm? I thought sperm got produced on an as needed basis in response to hormonal signals that don't kick in until puberty? Of course, it would clearly have broken his little heart to tell him that...

you're totally right, he does not have any sperm. I've tried to reason with him, but he'll have none of it. He's all "how do you know" I give him facts and he says "but _I_ have sperm." dude, you really don't. "well, you don't know because you're not me."


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## *Jessica* (Jun 10, 2004)

Well, nobody else was around to witness it, but Marc and I were still mortified last night. Marc was flipping through the tv channels while I read and the boys played. He stopped on a channel where a man was talking about something boring. All of a sudden Nik started laughing histerically, practically rolling on the floor. We could not figure out what was so funny, until he pointed to the tv and blurted out, "He's really funny, that voice he's doing is really funny!" He thought the guy was joking, but um......it was just a man with a very thick southern accent.







We had to have a talk about differences in people, whether it be the color of their skin or the way they speak or the clothes they wear.


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## Luvmyboyz (Feb 11, 2005)

Not my kiddo but my bff's dd is just one of those hysterical kids. When she was 2.5 we were at the beach in a really heavy tourist area. We were hosing the kids off and lots of people were standing around us waiting, etc. I was talking to her daughter about her new bathing suit. This is the conversation:

me: Mi-Mi, I love your new bathing suit
Mi-Mi: I got it from Jordan. It keeps my 'gina warm
























Same kid, different day. She sees my boys naked at the beach and gets a scared look on her face. It wasn't the first time she had seen them naked but I guess the first time she noticed. She pointed to their privates and asked what they were We told her it was their penis' She was even more horrified and told her mom really loud with a disgusted look on her face, "Mommy I don't EVER want to grow peanuts."

When I was 19 I went swimming with my friend and her daughter. We changed in the same room after and her daughter (she must have been 3 or 4) asked me why I don't have any boobies. Her mom was laughing so hard. I thought I had left the no boob teasing with junior high


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

I don't really have any stories but my 6 yr old will embarrass me because she is very vocal and doesn't mind repeating things I've said or done in private







and she does it at the worst times and in front of anyone.


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## Epiphany (Oct 18, 2003)

I was shopping at a local grocery store with my 2 year old. She loves clocks, especially the big round face ones. Well this grocery store has a H U G E, wall mounted, round, clock behind teh checkout lanes. DD2 (who has trouble with the "L" sound) points at it as we are leaving and says "look at the cock mommy" "yes dear, I see the cLock" I point out as I am hurrying past it. So of course DD2 is not content with this and yells "i said look at the reawy big cock mommy, don't you like big cocks?" at the top of her lungs. And at least ten people in the checkouts near us are either outright laughing or trying hard not too and me saying loudly that it is a nice CLOCK only seems to make things worse. *sigh*


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## fireant (Jan 10, 2006)

I took my DD (age 2) camping at a big music festival a few weeks ago. While we were leaving, we were told that one kid she was playing with had ring-worm and also that someone had found a tick on another kid.

So when I dropped her off to be with her dad, I told him that we should look out for ticks and ringworm. Somehow this must have turned into a game with them because when my DD was in the hospital for pneumonia a couple of weeks ago she started running around trying to attack people while shouting, "Ringworm check!".

A nurse looked at me and said, "this must be code for something else". I told her no, it's really about ringworm. She looked a little distrubed.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

DS (almost 4) doesn't have much of an affinity for underwear. We were in line at the commissary (grocery store for you non-military types) a little over a month ago, this is one big line that goes to all the registers. It was right after payday, so it was crowded. I noticed him holding himself but he didn't have to use the potty (he holds himself more when he's not wearing underwear) so I asked if he was wearing underwear or going commando (my mistake).

In true little boy fashion, he dropped his pants and hiked up his shirt in the middle of the store to show me that he was, indeed, not wearing underwear. LMAO, I love my son. I'm glad the cashier and other patrons had a sense of humor.


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## FREEmom1120 (Feb 23, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3lilmonsters* 
Ugh. The race ones are the worst, imo.

My ds was 4 and we were checking out a map of the world we had posted underneath our kitchen window. I was pointing out the different continents and touching a little on how people might look/act/eat/dress differently in different places. Then, I don't know what I was thinking, except that ds likes big words, I said "This is Africa. Alot of the people who live here have very dark skin. Even darker than yours (he's mixed aa/w) and Auntie's (she's mixed pr/w). Do you know what we call people who live in America who's families have come from Africa so they have dark skin?" To which he replied

"SLAVES!!"







<---him, very very very, humiliatingly proud of himself.

Our aa duplex neighbor happened to be outside said window on our shared porch at the time














:

Too much Liberty's kids and not enough history lessons I guess. Poor kid was stuck in colonial America. I swear I did not leave the house for a week.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Epiphany* 
And at least ten people in the checkouts near us are either outright laughing or trying hard not too and me saying loudly that it is a nice CLOCK only seems to make things worse. *sigh*

Plus side, them laughing more at you saying "clock" means that they totally understood about having a toddler.


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## simple living mama (May 4, 2005)

My kids and I just walked out of the kids and into the adults section of the library because I needed to get a homeschooling book and my daughter who was across the room yells out, "mom, where are all those books of all the naked people you showed me?".

Oh, I just died and I had no idea what she was talking about. Everybody was looking at me to see what I would say to her so I laughed asked her to speak a little softer and to show me. She walked over to the art books and after some looking she found some thick art book with pictures of old biblical painting by famous artist. Too funny.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Last week, out of the blue, my son began loudly singing, "IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SQUEEZE YOUR PENIS!!!" with appropriate gestures. Luckily, only my parents and brother were around at the time and reacted the way I did, with very surprised looks and a successful struggle to not laugh. (If you laugh, he'll do it again.)

A while back, I asked him what happened at pre-school that day, and he said, "I told Ms. M how you say WAAAH-oh! when you yawn."







I couldn't get him to explain how that came up in conversation.


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"

* * *

The other day we were looking for a parking spot while said DD threw a tantrum about...something. I got frustrated and said, "I guess we'll have to go around the f*cking block!" Apparently it made an impression, because as I was taking her to preschool yesterday, I said, "We're almost there, preschool is just down the block!"

"The f*cking block?" she asked. "Or the regular block?"


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

All of these are just so incredibly funny.

My son's crazy stuff is always in private (like he said last night that "If I was a girl, I would have a bulba, a penis, and tentacles", he wants it all!).

But I have other peoples' moments...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ironica* 

Public restroom. Daddy and his son in a stall, going potty. DS1 says, "Daddy, why is your penis so BIG?!"

My husband, as a small child, once compared his naked father to a gorilla, and not because he was furry.

My cousin, when she was 3, was meeting a bunch of family for the first time. She looked at my mom, who wasn't all that vain about personal appearance (lucky she was beautiful in a very natural, hippie kind of way), and asked her father LOUDLY "why does Aunt Judy have a moustache???"

My poor mom felt so ashamed she started bleaching her upper lip after that.


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## baltic_ballet (May 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Epiphany* 
I was shopping at a local grocery store with my 2 year old. She loves clocks, especially the big round face ones. Well this grocery store has a H U G E, wall mounted, round, clock behind teh checkout lanes. DD2 (who has trouble with the "L" sound) points at it as we are leaving and says "look at the cock mommy" "yes dear, I see the cLock" I point out as I am hurrying past it. So of course DD2 is not content with this and yells "i said look at the reawy big cock mommy, don't you like big cocks?" at the top of her lungs. And at least ten people in the checkouts near us are either outright laughing or trying hard not too and me saying loudly that it is a nice CLOCK only seems to make things worse. *sigh*











My son did a similar thing when saying truck he would say f**k, and one day whilst out shopping in a department store; We walked past a display of large Tonka trucks when he exclaimed loudly "Mummy look at those big f**ks" in front of other shoppers







- I grabbed him and left the store.


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## MBFoley (May 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *baltic_ballet* 









My son did a similar thing when saying truck he would say f**k, and one day whilst out shopping in a department store; We walked past a display of large Tonka trucks when he exclaimed loudly "Mummy look at those big f**ks" in front of other shoppers







- I grabbed him and left the store.

Hehe reminds me of a story my mom told me about when one of my cousins was about 5. Mom and her sister and her son went shopping and he was being, well, a 5yr old boy lol. Aunt Barbie told him if he would be good she would take him out to lunch after, wherever he wanted to go. Well he chose Kentucky Fried Chicken and I guess when they left the store he went hopping down the sidewalk yelling at the top of his lungs "F***y Fried Chicken!!! We get to eat at F***y Fried Chicken!!!"







:


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lunar forest* 
you're totally right, he does not have any sperm. I've tried to reason with him, but he'll have none of it. He's all "how do you know" I give him facts and he says "but _I_ have sperm." dude, you really don't. "well, you don't know because you're not me."


Your kid is cool.









Quote:


Originally Posted by **Jessica** 
Well, nobody else was around to witness it, but Marc and I were still mortified last night. Marc was flipping through the tv channels while I read and the boys played. He stopped on a channel where a man was talking about something boring. All of a sudden Nik started laughing histerically, practically rolling on the floor. We could not figure out what was so funny, until he pointed to the tv and blurted out, "He's really funny, that voice he's doing is really funny!" He thought the guy was joking, but um......it was just a man with a very thick southern accent.







We had to have a talk about differences in people, whether it be the color of their skin or the way they speak or the clothes they wear.

thats funny he thought the accent was so funny... kids are wierd









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Luvmyboyz* 

When I was 19 I went swimming with my friend and her daughter. We changed in the same room after and her daughter (she must have been 3 or 4) asked me why I don't have any boobies. Her mom was laughing so hard. I thought I had left the no boob teasing with junior high









OMG I am so sorry this is soooo funny though!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *simple living mama* 
My kids and I just walked out of the kids and into the adults section of the library because I needed to get a homeschooling book and my daughter who was across the room yells out, "mom, where are all those books of all the naked people you showed me?".

You are right, that is too funny. I woulda died.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"



Oh my god. oh my god.... I am dying here.


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## aihcalappa (Sep 30, 2007)

This one was thankfully at home, not in front of anyone. When my DS was very tiny, my DDs were really fascinated when I would change him or bathe him, b/c they hadn't seen any little boys unclothed before. So I was changing the baby's diaper, and my 5 yr old DD points to his testicles and says "Mama, is that his brain?" I about died.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

His brain... oh my god, that's hilarious!


----------



## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *simple living mama* 
My kids and I just walked out of the kids and into the adults section of the library because I needed to get a homeschooling book and my daughter who was across the room yells out, "mom, where are all those books of all the naked people you showed me?".

Oh that's great. That one would have had me blushing, I think.

I heart this thread.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fireant* 
I took my DD (age 2) camping at a big music festival a few weeks ago. While we were leaving, we were told that one kid she was playing with had ring-worm and also that someone had found a tick on another kid.

So when I dropped her off to be with her dad, I told him that we should look out for ticks and ringworms. Somehow this must have turned into a game with them because when my DD was in the hospital for pneumonia a couple of weeks ago she started running around trying to attack people while shouting, "Ringworm check!".

A nurse looked at me and said, "this must be code for something else". I told her no, it's really about ringworm. She looked a little distrubed.

Ringworm is actually a yeast rash, it has nothing to do with worms. Cute story though!


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"



This. is perfect. Now don't mind me while I go scrub coffee off of my monitor.


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ziggysmama* 
Your kid is cool.









aw, thanks. He certainly thinks so.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Oh I've got one! I'm a plus-sized woman and one day we were at the mall and DD1 (who was 3.5 at the time) saw a big, full-body poster of Angelina Jolie in a store window. She yelled out, "Look Mommy, that looks just like you!" All the people around started looking back and forth between me and the poster and I can just imagine what they were thinking!







Oh well, at least my daughter sees the resemblance!









When my son was 3 he had a rubber snake and at home he was swinging it around and hitting people with it, which he got put in time-out for. Later we were at the grocery store and out of the blue he said to me, "Hey mommy, remember at home when I was swinging my snake and hitting you with it? I promise I won't swing my snake at you anymore, I'll just play with it by myself in my room."







Yep, all the people around us had dirty minds because you should have seen their expressions!


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## Avarie (Sep 8, 2004)

In another one of these threads, I read the funniest story EVER about a little boy who loved popcorn but mispronounced it "cock porn" and was screaming for it in the grocery store.

My story ... Spencer is 28 months. His newest fascination is with smelling everything, and the response is always, "Mmmmm. Dat's yummy!" Last week, he came into the bathroom right after I had gotten out of the shower - no clothes on yet. He came running up and gave me a hug, which was a little awkward, since his head is right at crotch level. And then he sniffed.

"Mmmmm. Dat's yummy!"


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## fireant (Jan 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
Ringworm is actually a yeast rash, it has nothing to do with worms. Cute story though!

Ha! Thank you.


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## bdoody11 (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *milkybean* 
My husband, as a small child, once compared his naked father to a gorilla, and not because he was furry.

I apparently said, "Daddy looks like a rooster!" as he was getting out of the shower.









Sadly my DD is pre-verbal, but it will only be a matter of time before she embarassing me. She makes the best faces, I can only imagine what is going on in that brain of hers...


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyTorf* 
Thankfully, this one came out at home....

DP says "douchebag" all the time- I guess it's his curse/put-down of choice. He mostly says it when he is driving.

The three of us were hanging at home, DP was looking at a Rolling Stone magazine and DS (2 1/2 at the time) was playing with trains on the floor.

*DP* (to me): Look at this douche! Can you believe what he is wearing?!?
*DS*: No daddy, douche*BAG*!

Stunned silence.
Then I laughed so hard that I cried, which, of course, was an excellent reinforcer. It took about 3 weeks to erase that word from his vocabulary.


My stomach hurts from laughing.


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## AlwaysByMySide (May 4, 2007)

I am cackling over here! These are hysterical!!

DD's most recent...

She got a new dress for her birthday. After she opened the present, she held it up against herself and said...

"Look at me mommy! I'm a fascist!!"

(I'm thinking she meant something along the lines of "fashion"...)


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## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AlwaysByMySide* 
I am cackling over here! These are hysterical!!

DD's most recent...

She got a new dress for her birthday. After she opened the present, she held it up against herself and said...

"Look at me mommy! I'm a fascist!!"

(I'm thinking she meant something along the lines of "fashion"...)

oh goodgod that's hilaaaaaaaarious!


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## Narn (Nov 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *appalachia* 
This one was thankfully at home, not in front of anyone. When my DS was very tiny, my DDs were really fascinated when I would change him or bathe him, b/c they hadn't seen any little boys unclothed before. So I was changing the baby's diaper, and my 5 yr old DD points to his testicles and says "Mama, is that his brain?" I about died.

What's that about? My 3-year-old nephew pointed to the cat's butt and said, "Ewww, that's brains! Gross!"


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## Purple*Lotus (Nov 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alicia622* 
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Epiphany* 
I was shopping at a local grocery store with my 2 year old. She loves clocks, especially the big round face ones. Well this grocery store has a H U G E, wall mounted, round, clock behind teh checkout lanes. DD2 (who has trouble with the "L" sound) points at it as we are leaving and says "look at the cock mommy" "yes dear, I see the cLock" I point out as I am hurrying past it. So of course DD2 is not content with this and yells "i said look at the reawy big cock mommy, don't you like big cocks?" at the top of her lungs. And at least ten people in the checkouts near us are either outright laughing or trying hard not too and me saying loudly that it is a nice CLOCK only seems to make things worse. *sigh*


Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"

* * *

The other day we were looking for a parking spot while said DD threw a tantrum about...something. I got frustrated and said, "I guess we'll have to go around the f*cking block!" Apparently it made an impression, because as I was taking her to preschool yesterday, I said, "We're almost there, preschool is just down the block!"

"The f*cking block?" she asked. "Or the regular block?"


Quote:


Originally Posted by *AlwaysByMySide* 
I am cackling over here! These are hysterical!!

DD's most recent...

She got a new dress for her birthday. After she opened the present, she held it up against herself and said...

"Look at me mommy! I'm a fascist!!"

(I'm thinking she meant something along the lines of "fashion"...)









:


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

We live in Sprint Car country, the sprint car capitol of the world actually.

A few weeks ago it was Nationals season, and like the TRUE race fan that my DH was he spent every possible moment at the track







: Well one saturday I was having a Garage sale with a friend of mine and made DH take both kids with him to the track







They are walking around and all the sudden DS says "Daddy, I have to go potty." and DH says "Okay, we're almost to the bathroom. Just hold on one second." And DS says "I can't!!" and proceeds to drop his britches, right in the middle of the main walk way, surrounded by 50+ people, including the security guards and pees...right there on the sidewalk. DH drug him behind some farm equipment they had out on display and left a trail of pee in DS's wake.









DH said the security guard had to SIT DOWN on the ground she was laughing so hard. Everyone around him just CRACKED UP. DH said he wanted to







:


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## mama*pisces (Feb 17, 2008)

LOL - this is such a great thread!

This isn't nearly as funny as some of the posts I just read, but just this evening ds (27 months) and I were hanging out on our front lawn when our neighbors pulled in to the driveway(we share a driveway since we live in a townhouse right next to them). The mom gets out of the car, and ds goes: "Hi, gamma! (grandma)" This lady is only slightly older than me...I think she's 37. So I was like: "What...did you say?" and her and I both started laughing, and she said to him: "Honey, you are the ONLY person that can get away with that."

What's weird is that he doesn't call either of his grandma's "gamma". This was just totally out of the blue, and she doesn't look old at all!


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Patrick went up to a total stranger yesterday at the playground and asked, well, demanded that they take him potty. When they did not comply with his demands he pulled his pants down right there!!! I do not understand why Paddy didn't just ask me to take him, I was standing right there behind him. I apologized profusely to the poor man that Paddy flashed and we promptly went to the restroom. Yeesh.


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

When DS1 was about 3, we were in the grocery store. He was in one of those hideous Kroger cars that look like a race car, happily believing he was steering. As we turn to go down the next aisle, a upper middle aged woman is standing back examining the salad dressing and my little guy yells, "Beep Beep! Get outta da way GRANDMA!"








DH sped off trying not to laugh while I stumble in his wake. "I'm sure he meant it as a compliment!"


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## karlin (Apr 8, 2004)

Last week DH took DS grocery shopping while I ran some errands. DS had just watch Flushed Away, which has that Tom Jones song at the end of it (What's New Pussycat?"). Well, DS couldn't remember the words, so he was singing at the top of his lungs, "Pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy whoa whoa!!" My DH just about died. He tried to sing the real song with him, but he just kept going. He said he got a lot of nasty looks.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

When DD was 18 months, I brought her to work with me. I was trying really hard to focus on talking with staff and watch a toddler at the same time. She seemed to be doing fine holding onto my pants leg and playing with some toys while I was talking... then suddenly, _whoosh_ she yanked my pants and underwear down to my knees. Somehow. My scream made it worse, because of course everyone who hadn't already seen turned to look.


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## ebethmom (Jan 29, 2002)

My dh took dd to a public bathroom a few months ago. While they were in the stall, dd started ranting about how unfair it is to be a girl. "Why do I have to have a _square_ pee pee? I want to have a _round_ pee pee just like you and Nathan! With a _round_ pee pee you can just pee standing up. I just going to stand up and pee!"

The guy in the next stall was trying really hard not to laugh out loud.


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## DelawareMom (May 21, 2008)

Thank you so much, Mamas! I haven't laughed so hard in a while.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

New one...

We were in the grocery store and James has this new infatuation with the song "Psycho" by Puddle of Mudd







: we are in line and he looks at DH and at the top of his lungs says "Daddy, you're a schizophrenic psycho."


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"
























:


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## themamamama (Jul 1, 2006)

This is a funny thread.

A couple months ago DS (almost 3) and I were at the library. I was looking through the shelves for a book, turned around to check on him, and saw that he'd pushed down his pants and diaper and was happily playing with his foreskin.







I don't _think_ anyone saw. I _hope_ no one saw.


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

infact


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## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

Oh, I have a story but after reading all of those, mine seems boring in comparison.









When my stepdaughter was five, I took her with me to the grocery store. She used to call me "Momma" then even though that was also her word for her mom who she lived with. We were standing in the checkout line being helped by a very large woman. She had only just started checking our huge basket of groceries when my stepdaughter pointed at her and practically yelled "Momma, look at that lady, she is really fat!"

I was so horrified, I didn't know what to do. I nearly clamped my hand over her mouth! I knelt down in front of her and said "sweetie, we don't say things like that about people, it's not nice!"

Then I had to stand there for the next seven minutes or so while the woman checked all of our groceries and I paid. It wouldn't have been so bad if the woman was not livid. I apologized, but she was pissed! She didn't say a single word to me.







:


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## reece19 (May 21, 2008)

When my oldest was about 3, we were in a dressing room in some department store. All of the rooms were full of other women...and my dd is the only kid in the place. Anyway, I was trying on some pants and the unders I was wearing had pictures of Winnie the Pooh on them (in my defense, I was just out of high school). DD always called me by my first name...so out of the blue, dd says very loudly "[my first name] YOU HAVE POOH ON YOUR PANTIES!" Oh, the stifled snickering from the other rooms. I tried to shush her, but she said it over and over and over.

You guys have me rolling...these stories are great.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

The only one that comes to mind for me right now (and I can't remember if I've ever posted this anywhere on MDC), is the time we were at Burlington Coat Factory, in the shoe department. ds, who had just turned three, was standing by my side, and I was engrossed trying to find my dfd these *very* specific shoes. All of the sudden, ds turns around to the man standing behind us, looking at shoes on the opposite rack, and with a big grin, ds smacks the man (playfully) on the man's butt.

Of course I was horrified. ds had never done anything like that before and I couldn't imagine what had possessed him. I turned to ds and said his name with a sound of shock in my voice, "Honey, that is not okay," I started to say, and then this man gives me this look that made me *swear* moments later to dw that the man thought *I* was the person who smacked his butt. That's right, he looked at me like I was some super crazy lady who couldn't resist smacking his butt and blaming my child. Maybe I am reading way too much into that look, but I could not get out of that store fast enough.

(The man was moderately attractive by the way, but it was definitely ds who playfully patted his tush







.)


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## kmb9906 (Jul 6, 2008)

O.M.G. This thread has me in TEARS, I am laughing so hard. My DD isn't even 4mo yet so I can only laugh, not commiserate ... yet.


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## MaxMommy (Feb 16, 2007)

These are so funny I had to go for a pee break









A while ago Max and I are showering in a hotel after swimming. The shower stall is large, fancy tiled and very echoey (sp). I can hear the people next door in thier bathroom too.

Water is dripping from my private area as is normal in the shower.

Max, at the top of his lungs : Mom! Mom! Mom! You're dripping from your BIG HAIRY!

Me, whispering: Max, let's use proper words, it's called a vulva.

Max, even louder: Mom! You're dripping from your BIG HAIRY VULVA!!!

I could hear giggles from next door.









For the record, it is not BIG, nor is it particularly HAIRY.


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## dbsam (Mar 3, 2007)

I've always made it a point to teach my children the proper names for body parts and not to make a big deal if they mention them. Lately I've questioned that decision.

Friday night we were at Costco. I took my daughter to the washroom and my husband took my son. While in the stall my daughter went, then I did. She said loudly "mommy, you have a really, really, really big butt!". I wasn't planning on mentioning it to my husband, in case he hasn't noticed my butt was big







. But today he told me my son said to him that same night in the washroom&#8230;"daddy, your penis is huge!". Not sure why they both chose Friday night to say these things since they've gone to the washroom w/us plenty of times.

Not really funny at the time but definitely embarrassing&#8230;while at a wake my daughter decides to mention repeatedly and loudly "My vagina hurts". Then my son says "Are you sure it is your vagina and not your vulva? My penis is fine." I couldn't get them out of there quickly enough.

When my kids were around two, they were cracking up laughing saying "mommy has two butts". I couldn't figure out what they meant until they pointed it out. I was wearing a v-neck shirt and slouching forward, my cleavage looked like a butt to them.


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"


----------



## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

We had a tree in our backyard that blew over in a storm. I had a tree guy come over to tell me how much it would be to get it out of here. The guy rang the doorbell, walked into the house, and almost immediately my 4yo says "Hey! Look what I can do!" And proceeds to drop his pants and pick up his penis like he is peeing.









Last year we were in a restaurant and ds1 said to the waitress "Excuse me, can I have some water please?" Well, I guess ds2 thought it would be very exciting to say something to the waitress himself. He says "Excuse me," so she turns toward him and he proceeds to stick his fingers in his ears, waggle them, and say "la la la la la."


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dbsam* 
Not really funny at the time but definitely embarrassing&#8230;while at a wake my daughter decides to mention repeatedly and loudly "My vagina hurts". Then my son says "Are you sure it is your vagina and not your vulva? My penis is fine." I couldn't get them out of there quickly enough.

I laughed so much I almost woke my sleeping baby


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## MommaFox (Jul 21, 2008)

Oh, goodness. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I can't remember much right now. I wish I'd written them all down. The only one I can think of happened (thankfully) in the car with only dh and I around. They're re-dong the front of the Sam's Club here.
Me: Huh, I wonder why they're re-doing thier entryway again.
DH: Dunno
DS:Maybe they're making the doors bigger so fat people can get in.
Me (trying hard not to laugh): I don't think that's it. The doors are pretty wide.
DH: grumble
DS: What if they're reeeeeeaaaally reeeeeaaaaally fat, fat, fat. (Progressivly putting on his "fat" voice)
Me: (biting tongue and shaking like a leaf)
DH launcehs into a diatribe about how the doors are not being made wider to accomodate large people blah-de-blah-de-blah.

I've found that the hardest part of parenting isn't handling discipline, it isn't sending them off to school, it isn't the scraped knees or the chipped teeth. The hardest part of parenting is not laughing.


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## mama*pisces (Feb 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *themamamama* 





















This is a funny thread.

A couple months ago DS (almost 3) and I were at the library. I was looking through the shelves for a book, turned around to check on him, and saw that he'd pushed down his pants and diaper and was happily playing with his foreskin.







I don't _think_ anyone saw. I _hope_ no one saw.

Um, yeah...I know where you are coming from on this one!

Our dishwasher broke last week, and the maintenance guy showed up this morning to replace it. So he was in the kitchen, installing a dishwasher. DS was watching his usual morning show, and I was in the downstairs office checking my e-mail and still trying to wake up when I see ds run past the office towards the kitchen. At the time I was engrossed in reading something, but after a minute or two I realized that he was still back there near the kitchen where the maintenance guy was, and that I haven't heard a sound from him. So I go back there to find that ds had taken his diaper off, and was standing there _playing with his penis_, right alongside of the maintenance guy as he was working.






















:

Oh. my. Goodness.

I was mortified! He had a diaper on not 5 minutes before that, seriously he did. Just decided to take it right off, and make a display of his new found hobby.







The guy wasn't looking directly at him, but ds was right in his peripheral vision.







Calgon take me away....


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## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

we were at sea world at the walruses. It was under water and two males were near the window, so you can imagine that a lot of people were gathered around.

One of them kept reaching his flipper down and touching his penis everytime he went up for a breath of air. Well, dd., 5, says "Mommy why does that walrus keep touching his penis?"

I said "I imagine it's the same reason you touch yourself."

she thinks about it for a minute and then say "OH! Because he likes it!"


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## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

We stopped by to check out a newly opened arts and crafts store and discovered they had a HUGE selection of stickers. dd LOVES stickers, but ds#1 can't stand them. So we're walking along and I'm pointing out different stickers to her ("look! There are rainbow stickers! And look at those ones with ponies!..") kinda quietly because it was pretty crowded. Ds was walking behind us dragging his feet and being crabby at having to be there at all. When all of a sudden he yells out "JESUS!"

And everybody stopped and looked. Seriously. There wasn't a sound.

I was horrified. Then ds said "see, mom?? Jesus stickers!!"


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaFox* 
Oh, goodness. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I can't remember much right now. I wish I'd written them all down. The only one I can think of happened (thankfully) in the car with only dh and I around. They're re-dong the front of the Sam's Club here.
Me: Huh, I wonder why they're re-doing thier entryway again.
DH: Dunno
DS:Maybe they're making the doors bigger so fat people can get in.
Me (trying hard not to laugh): I don't think that's it. The doors are pretty wide.
DH: grumble
DS: What if they're reeeeeeaaaally reeeeeaaaaally fat, fat, fat. (Progressivly putting on his "fat" voice)
Me: (biting tongue and shaking like a leaf)
DH launcehs into a diatribe about how the doors are not being made wider to accomodate large people blah-de-blah-de-blah.

I've found that the hardest part of parenting isn't handling discipline, it isn't sending them off to school, it isn't the scraped knees or the chipped teeth. The hardest part of parenting is not laughing.

Dd and I were walking home from the store yesterday, and we passed this woman with a little girl and a baby in the stroller. Both the mom and little girl were chubby. The baby was in one of those carseats snapped onto the stroller, so once we walked by them I looked over my shoulder to get a peak at the baby and I said to dd "Oooh, what a sweet baby, he's adorable and chunky" and dd says "I'm not surprised







"

Her timing was perfect and shocking and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, but at the same time I was astounded she could be so evil! I'm not even thin, haven't been thin for over two years.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maliceinwonderland* 
Dd and I were walking home from the store yesterday, and we passed this woman with a little girl and a baby in the stroller. Both the mom and little girl were chubby. The baby was in one of those carseats snapped onto the stroller, so once we walked by them I looked over my shoulder to get a peak at the baby and I said to dd "Oooh, what a sweet baby, he's adorable and chunky" and dd says "I'm not surprised







"

Her timing was perfect and shocking and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, but at the same time I was astounded she could be so evil! I'm not even thin, haven't been thin for over two years.

I see from your picture that your daughter is in pageants or something. And she is a beautiful little girl. But I hope you explained to her why that kind of comment is wrong and how hurtful it can be to the other person. You had to bite your tongue to keep from laughing but I imagine this mother had to bite her tongue to keep from crying and possibly had to explain to her little girl that some people are obviously not to be taught to be so hurtful. Looking at the picture your little girl is not a 2 or 3 year old. She is old enough to learn not to comment on people's weight.


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly* 
I see from your picture that your daughter is in pageants or something. And she is a beautiful little girl. But I hope you explained to her why that kind of comment is wrong and how hurtful it can be to the other person. You had to bite your tongue to keep from laughing but I imagine this mother had to bite her tongue to keep from crying and possibly had to explain to her little girl that some people are obviously not to be taught to be so hurtful. Looking at the picture your little girl is not a 2 or 3 year old. She is old enough to learn not to comment on people's weight.

They weren't in earshot, or I would have turned around and apologized to the woman right there.

The reason it was so shocking is that it was completely out of character. I would have never expected or even fathomed something like that coming out of dd's mouth. And of course I told her it wasn't appropriate..yeesh.


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## kohlby (Dec 5, 2005)

My daughter turned 2 in March. In the last month, she's asked a woman who was a stranger if she had a uterus. A couple weeks later, she told me that another woman at a party had a big belly like mine so she was growing a baby too. (However, it was just a larger non-pg woman). I don't think the woman understood what DD said since we were across the room. Since then, I've taught DD that not everyone with a big belly is growing a baby. She now understands this. However, teaching her to ask certain questions only in public is proving much more challenging.

I now realize that asking women about their uterus is far less embarassing than asking them about the baby they're growing when they're not!

My DS has a speech delay but an above average vocabulary. Luckily, no one could ever understand the embarrassing things he said. DD's speech is average for her age in pronounciation, but above in vocabulary, so I just hope others don't know what he's saying.


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## mom2rory (Dec 24, 2007)

This one happened to a friend of mine. She was leaving work with her kids (they have a daycare on-site), and there happened to be a protest outside about the city's treatment of blacks. They walked through the protest to the crosswalk and her son (a very fair-haired blue-eyed boy) raises his hand in a heil Hitler way and says "Stop! It's only ok with the white man!"

He was talking about crossing the street only when the white neon guy on the crosswalk sign was showing. My friend nearly died - she worked PR for the city at the time!


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

These are hilarious.









The only stories like this I can think of right now are:

DS and I were eating lunch at a restaurant and there was a bald man seated in the booth right behind us. DS said, loudly, "Mommy, why doesn't that man have any hair?"









DS and I were in the doctor's office waiting room and a Latino UPS guy came to deliver a package. DS said, "Mommy, what is that brown man doing?" I ignored the "brown" part for the moment and just said, "The man is delivering a package." A few seconds later DS pointed at another patient who was waiting and said, "What is that green man doing?" and it finally dawned on me that he was talking about people's clothing colors, not their skin.


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## Sali (Sep 30, 2005)

This one's my sister's (but I was there, so I get to post it)...When my brother-in-law was in residency, my niece was a toddler and had a hard time remembering him sometimes between his long times away. The best was when we were in an elevator and she turned to a man who got in on the first floor with us and says, "Are you my dad?"
The guy responds, "Well, I don't know. I don't think so!"
My sister was mortified and I was laughing hysterically and my poor niece was totally confused.
It was a long ride up!


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## KnitLady (Jul 6, 2006)

My niece had just gotten back from her first day at camp. My very religious and consertative parents, my sister, nieces, and I were all watching a children's movie together. A scene with a beautiful woman came on and my niece (five or six at the time) shouts out, "Ooooh! I'd like to lick her pu$$y!" There was just stunned silence in the room. Finally my sister saysm "Ummm...what did you say?" My niece happily repeats it. I just about died laughing. Obviously she'd picked that up at camp that day and had no idea what it meant. Having British friends she only knew pussy to mean cat.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KnitLady* 
My niece had just gotten back from her first day at camp. My very religious and consertative parents, my sister, nieces, and I were all watching a children's movie together. A scene with a beautiful woman came on and my niece (five or six at the time) shouts out, "Ooooh! I'd like to lick her pu$$y!" There was just stunned silence in the room. Finally my sister saysm "Ummm...what did you say?" My niece happily repeats it. I just about died laughing. Obviously she'd picked that up at camp that day and had no idea what it meant. Having British friends she only knew pussy to mean cat.

That is seriously disturbing that a 5 year old would be hearing that at camp.







:


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## MBFoley (May 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KnitLady* 
My niece had just gotten back from her first day at camp. My very religious and consertative parents, my sister, nieces, and I were all watching a children's movie together. A scene with a beautiful woman came on and my niece (five or six at the time) shouts out, "Ooooh! I'd like to lick her pu$$y!" There was just stunned silence in the room. Finally my sister saysm "Ummm...what did you say?" My niece happily repeats it. I just about died laughing. Obviously she'd picked that up at camp that day and had no idea what it meant. Having British friends she only knew pussy to mean cat.









: omg I would have died laughing although I do have to agree with Heavenly. I would so not be happy to have my young'un come back from a camp spewing stuff like that. I mean it sounds to me like she probably got a good earful. She not only repeated it, she spit it out at a, well, pretty accurate time, even if she didn't understand what it actually meant.


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## KnitLady (Jul 6, 2006)

Oh yeah, we were all very, very shocked to say the least. In fact it really made me wonder about the situation of whatever child she heard it from. My sister was pretty upset that she heard something so vulgar.

Thankfully my sister had the wisdom to not make a big deal of it with my niece. She just told her that it wasn't a nice thing to say and my niece has never said it again.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

When my son was about 2 (close to 3) I had a rash of... um... minor traffic incidents with him in the car. I bumped into my husband's car backing out of the driveway, I banged the garage door, I ran over a few crubs, I bumped into a sign, etc. All in the space of a week or two. There was no damage done to the car or anything else, so I thought I would keep this quiet







.

Well, my husband took DS out and came back and told me every time he went over a speed bump, DS would shout from his carseat in the back "Oh, SH*T!" and he was wondering if I had any idea why. I had to fess up. Dang, kid!








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