# Breastfeeding and Intimacy.



## tutucrazy (Dec 30, 2008)

I'm having a great deal of tug-o-war for my lactating breasts with my DH. I really don't like him to play with the breasts or the nipples. He, unfortunately for me, finds them very attractive and wants to be hands-on with them during times of intimacy. I've been breastfeeding for 1.5 years now and the whole tug-o-war during intimacy is driving me nuts. It is to the point where I want to just wear a bra, but he just ends up taking it off. He has even tried to make them lactate during intimacy (sorry TMI). I just don't like it and wish he'd focus on another area for the time being. So I wanted to know whether you all like or dislike breast stimulation/manipulation during the years you breastfeed? Also, has your SO ever tried to make you lactate? Any advice?

Thanks ladies!


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

Goodness, it sounds to me as if your dh isn't listening to what you're telling him, and although I appreciate the heat of the moment thing - it does make me wonder. I would sit down with him and tell him that for the moment it's just not doing much for you, and you know, how would he like to be in the throws of lovemaking and someone come up and start tickling his toes? - well it's not too different from that really. This very common amongst breastfeeding mothers.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

I hate, hate, HATE having my breasts touched in an 'intimate' way when I'm lactating.

It sounds like your partner is not respecting your wishes or your boundaries. I'd sit down with him, make it clear that touching your breasts is a complete turn-off, and make it crystal clear that you don't like it and don't want him doing it.

If he does it again, get out of bed (or off the couch, or the kitchen table, or whatever







) and walk away. End of problem!


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## emamum (Dec 4, 2008)

dp calls them dds breasts and they are completely off limits









you could give the baby his dinner to play with then put it back on his plate and ask him if he wants to eat it


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Ever since I started breastfeeding, 10 years ago, my breasts, or should I say nipples, are off limits. It's just very uncomfortable. I always hoped they'd go back to the way they were but they never did.


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

ITA with the pps. I HATE having my nipples touched - especially now that I'm pregnant and still nursing. It hurts enough having ds2 latch on - the least everyone else in the house can do is leave them the heck alone the rest of the time! If I could wear a bullet proof bra, I totally would. They're that sensitive and I get enraged if anyone goes near them.

Your body, your call on what's done to it. I'm so sorry your DH isn't respecting you.


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## cdmommie (Aug 7, 2007)

I'm dealing with the same thing. But I have 2 nursing. So really it's just a matter of "good grief are my breasts just here for EVERYONE!?" When it was just my oldest nursing I didn't mind DH so much but now there's even MORE milk, I am nursing like ALL day and then when the kids are finally asleep DH wants them. SERIOUSLY!? They need a break, lol. Anyway, yes my DH also recently started being really into the "lactating" part too and It's just too weird. I obliged a time or two but then just explained to him that those are what feed my baby. They are a symbol of her innocence and reliance on me and honestly I feel terrible using them for anything else at this point. He seemed to understand that pretty well. Hopefully you can just communicate to him that you really don't think it's appropriate at this time. Good luck!


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## ihugtrees (Oct 16, 2008)

I loooove that part of intimacy more than before, but I'm sort of weird that way 

I think the main issue here is your DH not listening to you. Perhaps sitting down and talking about it at a non-intimate moment would be best. Hopefully he will understand if you talk to him about it seriously when he's not 'caught up in the moment'.


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## jempd (Feb 27, 2002)

I hate having my breasts touched. Occasionally dh tries to sneak in a little touch but I react so viscerally that he's pretty much scared to do so. I would sit your SO down and explain that it happens to most women, it's not something you can help, and it won't be forever but for the time being, just as you said, concentrate on another area please.


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## Carita (Mar 3, 2008)

it was closer to nursing for 2 years when i felt like I could handle more breast touching. I think this goes further - an issue of respect between you and your husband, and you need to have a serious talk with him. if he doesn't respect you and your boundaries, then you may need some counseling.

((hugs))


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## mojocita (Jul 28, 2009)

I also steer DH away from that area. It makes me sad, but they are DD's property now. I agree--a talk is in order here. Could you two meet in the middle on this? Like wear something that he likes but make a rule it must stay on?


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## tutucrazy (Dec 30, 2008)

Ahhh, I'm so glad I am not alone here. I felt so guilty about it for the longest time. I don't even want him to touch my breasts at all... My nipples, b/c they are very sensitive and it doesn't feel good at all and my breasts b/c my right breast has a galactocele that can be sensitive if it gets poked or squeezed, also he tends to try to squeeze to make them lactate, which has actually plugged my ducts on a couple occasions. I think we need to have more serious discussion b/c I usually just tell him right before we DTD. Then he gets all caught up and I am fighting him the entire time, which doesn't make for great love-making.


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

I don't like my nipples touched, but don't mind the rest of the breast. I feel that just as I want my DH to respect the fact that my nipples are sensitive, I need to respect the fact that he would like his touching them to be part of our intimate times. I know not everyone will agree with me, but our marriage is very much one where we both focus on the other's needs over our own and it works well for us.


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## Monkeygrrl (Oct 9, 2005)

Because I was pumping full time, it was understood that if there was milk coming out of them (until I stopped pumping, afterwards it didn't matter) then the boobs belonged to the pump. And my partner respected that. He was very happy when he got them back. lol

Like others, it sounds as if your partner is not respecting your boundaries, and that's not ok. If it were me, I would talk to him at a time when we were not being intimate and explain why it makes me uncomfortable and what it makes me feel when he doesn't respect my 'no' (disrespected, playing is not fun, etc). And then if he did it while we were playing, I would stop everything and say it again - no matter how hard it might be.

Hope it gets better for you.

peace...
Margaret


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Okay, maybe I'm alone here, but I really wince whenever I hear a womans breasts referred to as "belonging" to her partner, or her children, or anyone other than the actual living breathing human being to whom they are attached.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

I don't have a problem with DH touching or doing other things with them. But, that's just me.
To the OP, are you discussing this with your DP at a time that you're not being intimate or about to be intimate? It sounds like a serious sit down to explain that right now you just don't enjoy that and it doesn't make you feel good. Perhaps it would be reassuring to him if you told him that you don't expect that this will be forever, but that for now this is how you feel.
I would hope, HOPE that he would understand that.


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## Sailor (Jun 13, 2006)

I haven't breast fed yet ... but, this is a respect issue. Your dh isn't listening to your needs/wants, and is just ignoring them.

I can tell my dp, in the heat of the moment, "please don't do that" and he will stop. He can tell me "please don't touch me there" in the heat of the moment, and I will stop. IMO, there is NO excuse for a partner not stopping something that you don't enjoy.

I'd have a VERY serious talk with him about boundaries and respect.


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## Chamomile Girl (Nov 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
Okay, maybe I'm alone here, but I really wince whenever I hear a womans breasts referred to as "belonging" to her partner, or her children, or anyone other than the actual living breathing human being to whom they are attached.


Yikes, I'm with you here! They are MY breasts and I get to choose who gets a go at them.


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## Monkeygrrl (Oct 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *prothyraia* 
Okay, maybe I'm alone here, but I really wince whenever I hear a womans breasts referred to as "belonging" to her partner, or her children, or anyone other than the actual living breathing human being to whom they are attached.

For me, it was a choice. For the duration of the time that I pumped for my boys, I was working so hard to make milk for them, that every drop was precious and needed to be in a bottle. Yes, some milk ended up in a breast pad, on my shirt, spilled out of the bottle, etc. But I didn't want my breasts to be played with while I was making milk. Therefore, they "belonged" to the pump.

*shrug*

Now that I am no longer pumping, my breasts and other body parts still belong to me. And I still get to decide who touches them.









peace...
Margaret


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## DanelleB (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ihugtrees* 
I loooove that part of intimacy more than before, but I'm sort of weird that way 

I think the main issue here is your DH not listening to you. Perhaps sitting down and talking about it at a non-intimate moment would be best. Hopefully he will understand if you talk to him about it seriously when he's not 'caught up in the moment'.

I'm also one that likes it more that before. I love how I feel since my breasts are bigger and fuller--and it doesn't hurt that my nipples are more sensitive.









But yes, I agree that the issue is that your hubby isn't listening, not with if you do or don't like your breasts messed with.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

OK, so apparently this is common.

My question is, when you stop lactating, do most women go back to liking their partners to touch them again?


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## Monkeygrrl (Oct 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laohaire* 
My question is, when you stop lactating, do most women go back to liking their partners to touch them again?

Yes, as soon as I was done pumping, I was ok with my partner touching my breasts again.

peace...
Margaret


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I'm not real thrilled with them being touched. My husband is awesome about respecting my boundaries.

Honestly, OP, the way you are describing your husband sounds very disturbing. How would you feel if a buddy described the same scenario but instead of breasts it was her anus? "I really don't want my husband playing with my anus but he keeps doing. Sometimes he even starts anal sex and I don't want him to." No really. What your husband is doing is that bad. If you leave your bra on as a discouragement and he takes it off so he can make you lactate that is inappropriate in every way.

I'm sorry it's happening.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laohaire* 
OK, so apparently this is common.

My question is, when you stop lactating, do most women go back to liking their partners to touch them again?

Not me...


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