# baby "joe" was born yesterday( Long birrth story)



## Got_Cloth (May 14, 2005)

I am really out of it as I type this, so please excuse me.
3 weeks ago yesterday is when i was unable to find the heartbeat on our 12 week baby Joe. 3 weeks since I had the first ultrasound and heard the words "im sorry, your baby didnt make it" 3 weeks since i was fired from my job, because i didnt want to go to work in the infant department, the night i discovered my baby died.
I had to go to california for a funeral last week for my step grandfather, who was murdered by his dad. it was a very tough experience. with no one knowing that I was even expecting yet, i prayed that little joe would stay put until I got back. The morning of the funeral I got in a HUGE fight with my older brother. He told me the reasons my babies keep dying is because I am crazy and I am a bad mother because i dont vaccinate or feed my children food dyes and preservatives







I know, stupid fight, but really blew up in such emotional circumstanses. We left for the service and all went fine, then went to eat. We decided to head home that night, because there was too much tention in the house. i went to the bathroom right before i left on friday, and there was blood. I had a 7 hour drve ahead of me, and i just prayed that nothing major would start.
Saturday morning i woke up cramping. . at 2 i started having real contractions. I have never birthed a 12 weeker before and was t old it would be a period, so i was in shock with the way my contractions started at 5 min apart. they lasted at 5 min all day to the morning, then on sunday there were 3-5 min apart, all day. I wasnt bleeding much at all, so i was really confused. It HURT really bad. Then at 1 am monday, they picked up to 1-2 min apart, and they increased n intesity. My kids ONLY go to school on mondays for a homeschool enrichment program, and so my husband stayed home to take them to school. The school is an hour away from our home. I got in the tub as they were leaving, because I was really uncomfortable, and still was not bleeding. After about 30 min, i got on my hands and knees, to try to get comfortable and my body pushed a little, and i started bleeding A LOT! i called my neighbor to come get my 4 year old. and called my best friend to have her stay on the phone with me. I was terrified. Before long, the tub water was RED. i was in so much pain that was not letting up. It was a constant burning. My husband finally got home, and helped me out of the tub and onto the bed( that he had protected with waterproof pads and towels. after 44 hours of labor, at 1019 am Joe was born. about 3 1/2 inches long and a perfect little face. the pain stopped for just a few minutes. then it came back stronger than ever. i started loosing a lot of blood. DH called my midwife friend and she came to the rescue. right before she got there, my placenta plopped out. and the pain and bleeding just stopped. I was faint, and pale, and very sick to my stomache. DH was holding me feet up, and trying to help me as much as he could. i really got lucky when i married him. He is so great.
my midwife took my blood pressure and it was 80/40 and she told me to just lay down for the day. drink a lot of fluid and try to stay on my back. She gave me so meds to help my uterus clamp down. and left us with a blook pressure cuff to monitor how i was doing.
My baby was perfect. His eyes and mouth are open, and he is so perfectly formed. I call him joe, because that is all I could think when i was pregnant was the name Joe.
Late last night, it hit me and hard! i could not stop the tears from falling. I wasnt crying hard or sobbing even, just a steady flow of tears as the reality of losing yet another baby sets in. I dont know why he died, and I likely never will, but I know he will be a part of me forever. I was so blessed to be able to have him at home, in just the presence of me and my husband, just like out still born son was born at home almost 20 months ago. Joe and his placenta will be buried deep in my garden tomorrow in a service of me and my husband.

Missing Joe and all my other angels. Rachel, Rebecca, Brock, Erik, and many miscarried babies.


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## Amydoula (Jun 20, 2004)

to you mama. Thinking of you today.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

For some reason, I chose the name Joeseph as well.


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## Ackray (Feb 11, 2004)




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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)




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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Melissa,

I am so sorry for all you are going through and that you lost Joe. Please know that I will pray for you and your beautiful family. I am sending you lots of light, hugs and prayers.

Please take care!

Love and prayers,
Jen


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## ScootchsMom (Feb 12, 2007)

Liz


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## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

i am so sorry


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## ChesapeakeBorn (Jun 23, 2007)

Much love and peace to you, mama. May you find comfort, healing, and hope.


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## TayTaysMama (Oct 16, 2007)




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## PrayinFor12 (Aug 25, 2007)

What an intense few weeks! I'm so sorry mama. May life be more peaceful soon.

Joe


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## youthpastormama (Mar 24, 2007)

I don't know what to say, other than I am so sorry for the pain and heartache you have had to endure.


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## Dena (May 29, 2006)

Joe


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## zoie2013 (Mar 31, 2007)

Melissa,








Thank you for sharing your birth story. I'm so sorry you lost Joe and your other little ones. I'll be sending healing thoughts your way for peace and healing.








Joe


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## ryleeee (Feb 9, 2005)

oh my goodness. i am so sad for you. what an unebelievable month you've had. i am praying for your family. i am in tears for you.


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## Sioko (Feb 3, 2007)

s


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

mama


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## Bella Catalina (Aug 19, 2006)

Melissa. Take care of yourself mama.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

My heart sunk when I saw the post was from you again, Melissa. So many little lives lost.







I'm so sorry for the loss of Joe. Much peace and healing to you mama.
















Joe


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