# How to get teen to take school seriously



## QueenBean84 (Nov 11, 2008)

DD is 13. He has always been a slacker at school. Doesn't do classwork, doesn't do homework, doesn't study for tests.

I've always kept on top of him over the years, checking everyday to see if he has homework or if test or projects are coming up. He's gonna be in high school next year and he really needs to start taking responsibility.

I feel like I should just let him be and let him sink or swim on his own. But it seems so cruel and I feel that if he fails, then it's my fault.

Anybody in the same situation as me??


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## Mamaste (Dec 21, 2001)

Have you talked to him about why it's important to do well and then asked him what he thinks is important? That would be a starting place, no matter which direction things go from there.


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## QueenBean84 (Nov 11, 2008)

Yeah, it's a constant conversation we have. Nothing seems to sink in.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *QueenBean84* 
Yeah, it's a constant conversation we have. Nothing seems to sink in.


What is he saying?


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## moonyoungi (Jul 3, 2007)

I don't have any teenager, yet, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. And I really hope I don't offend you with what I'm saying.

But, you might want to consider not labeling your son, "always been a slacker."
Parental expectation has huge impact on children's development. Of course, I'm not saying it's your fault or anything, but having different mind set about your son will let him be able to shift things easier if and when he's ready.

Another thing; Is there something he likes to do, other than classroom studies?
Is he more artistically inclined or music, athletic, writing, video game, nature?


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

He probably just doesn't like school. Lots of kids don't, and there are other ways they can get an education. My 14 yo dd isn't in school, she's unschooling. We started in April and she LOVES it. Her blog is in my sig.

If he is going to remain in school, then you may just have to let him 'sink or swim'. That's what I did with my two boys once they got to high school, and the older one graduated in 2007, and the other will graduate in 2009. I made sure they knew I was always available for any help they wanted, I communicated with their teachers about them, I provided them with all the tools they needed. But ultimately it was up to them if they chose to go to class or do the homework or study for that test.


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

I feel for you







I also have that issue. DS even told me that he "doesn't have a future"









I have thought of unschooling, but have reasons why I am apprehensive of that for our family. I still may.

We are getting tutoring for him at this point. It turns out that ha hates school because he works really hard (gives up easily though) and still makes bad grades. The work is getting harder.... I am in the same situation as you are so have no advice, I just wanted to offer a







and tell you that you all are not alone.


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## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

You might find some ideas in this book:

Guerilla Learning: How to Give Your Kids A Real Education With or Without School


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i was a slacker too. what does he say when you talk to him about it? kids have a funny way of letting you know things... they just aren't always particularly direct


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cherie2* 
What is he saying?

ditto. I wouldn't accept the behavior if it were me. Is something in particular bothering him at school? Is his schedule too stressful for him? Does he have interests outside of school work like music, art, sports? That might help him if he has something to do that he is very interested in.

I had to remove my child last year from middle school and started homeschooling him due to the stress and being overwhelmed. He was constantly failing assignments and tests and forgetting to turn in projects and doing things last minute. It was stressful for both of us.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelovedK*
I have thought of unschooling, but have reasons why I am apprehensive of that for our family. I still may.

why not consider homeschooling? I homeschool and I could never unschool my children.


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## mamabeca (Oct 3, 2004)

Hugs, mama. My dd is 10 but is in that same kind of place - just doesn't like to do the work, stay organized, doesn't seem to get much delight out of completing tasks, etc. I am unsure what to do. I myself am not uber organized, and though I made it through school, it was hard and not a lot of fun.

I was a water treader - never quite sank, but never learned to swim, etiher. I did make it through grad school (masters) so I think it's likely that once he gets to a place where he can take more subjects he LIKES, it'll be more fun.

Developmentally, I think some kids 'get' the school thing earlier than others. I think most public schools expect kids to 'get' the importance of learning and completing tasks around 4th or 5th grade, and the work gets progressively harder from there. More of it, and harder. Less free time, less play time, etc. VERY hard. Does your school dist. have any flexibility in home schooling? Maybe you could work out a plan with them to have him in school for half days, and you could teach him certain subjects that he doesn't like as much? Or maybe you can join a home school network in your area - so it's not so much unschooling as schooling outside of school? I think that MOST home schooling families do follow some protocols, and most states require some kind of 'proof' that you are making progress (or he is lol!).

If you can't consider that, does the school have a program that might help him to take on tasks in a different way? Like instead of writing reports, can he make a video? Instead of math tests, can he do (observed) tutoring to prove he knows what he should be learning? He can always make up state exams, but teaching something really hits home how well you konw it, kwim?

If the school isn't flexible, and if you can't home school him, I think it's probably time to call a conference with yourself and your partner, if you have one, and your ds and his school counselor or principal. Make sure that everyone involved knows what the stakes and conditions are, and then make a plan. Getting and staying organized is HARD for kids who don't think linearly, a special tutor - or a school counselor who has some experience with helping kids learn these skills - will really help a lot. I actually sought one out when I was in college because by then (I was 20, I took some time off after flunking out my freshman year) I realized that I didn't have the skills I needed to succeed, even if I was smart enough (which was how I made it through school to start off with - smart enough to skate through HS, not smart enough to skate through college lol!).

I hope something here helps you guys - sounds like he needs a bit of slack - and to figure it out for himself - and you could use the break!!







I hope it works out for the best! andy


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## ricemom3 (Jan 29, 2008)

Wow, I can so relate to what you are saying. I have a 17 yo ds who is in his senior year. He has squeeked through this far, but he is finally fed up and just "done". So his first report card this year had 3 of 6 grades were F's. I have talked to him. His issue is he finds it a waste of time. He feels that he really isn't learning anything, they are just keeping them busy. I know in at least one class, he feels overwhelmed with the volume of work they have to do. At this point in the new quarter he is again failing the same 3 classes. One of them is English (normally he does average, C or D in there), which he needs for graduation. Anyway, he has asked to quit and homeschool. I am all for it. We would use an online program so that there is some accountability on his part. The problem is dh is completely against it. We hs from 2nd to 7th grades and 7th grade was he!!. I am certain it was the near teenage thing. He did average in school 8th grade, but once in high school, it has gone downhill every year. I hope that you talk to your ds to figure out what he would liek to do. I think that is part of our problem, dh won't talk to ds to see what he wants to do, dh _knows_ what ds should do, end of story. I am afraid that ds will drop out and not continue.

Good Luck to everyone with similar problems.


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## QueenBean84 (Nov 11, 2008)

Thanks for all the responses.

He gets picked on at school because he is small for his age. But I don't think that's the issue because he has disliked school for a long as I can remember.

I constantly tell him that he is a good student but that he needs to do the work. When he does the work, he gets A's and B's. I make sure he realizes, and knows that I know he is a smart kid. He failed gym because he never bothered to bring his gym clothes to school! I don't think he could get any lazier than that. LOL

Next year he will be starting high school and he will be going to a technical school. This way he will have learned a trade and will have the skills necessary to get a good job right out of high school. We both agreed this is best for him.

Hopefully things will change with high school. I hope so, because I really hate to seem him fail the way he does.


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## nkintzel (Nov 15, 2008)

Oh, mama. I don't really have any advice...I'm sorta kinda in the same boat.

I have an extremely gifted 15 year old girl. She is also having a very hard time taking school seriously.

I'm still trying to figure out what her challenges are and how to be the best mom I can be and still have her love me. hehe!

Anyway, just a note of supprt. Teens are flippin hard!


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