# 13 year old staying home alone during summer



## jdcmom (Feb 27, 2009)

I wanted to get opinions about this. My DS who will be 13 at the end of August will be staying home alone with his younger sister (9 in Sept) during the summer while my DH and I work.

My DH gets home by 3 pm. Knowing my kids they will sleep-in until 11 am or so. Here are the rules I have set out for them:

1) NO ONE is allowed in the house
2) Can only play in the backyard (friends can come over but they are to stay in the backyard)
3) DS has a close friend 2 blocks away who has a pool. I have given them permission to go there (friend's mom will be there) to go swimming. They are to call before leaving the house and call when arriving at friend's house.

My DS is upset that he can't hang out in the front yard and if it was just him I would let him but since his sister is only 8, I would rather they stayed in the backyard.

Does anyone else have experiences with leaving their kids home during the summer. What do others think about my rules? Any other rules that you think I need to add?

Thanks


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

I would also tell them about not answering the phone (unless they know the number) or doorbell, never telling anyone they're there by themselves, that type of thing.

My kids were in grades 4, 6 and 8 the first summer they stayed home alone. I asked them to call me when they woke up too.


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## teastaigh (Dec 17, 2001)

I sometimes leave my children home together when going on an errand, etc.
My oldest is 12 and both children are very good kids. I think you
have some good rules. I few others that we have:

* no fighting or bugging each other as hurt feelings and disharmony
makes for lonely times when Mom & Dad are gone; we talk about being
extra tolerant of one another when Home Alone

* no questions or worries are too small, nor are they bothersome; I
want to be called as does their Dad if they have any question at all

* we have an emergency spot in case the children need to leave; our
neighbor knows her front porch is the emergency spot; my kids know
that if ever a fire engine or ambulance is tearing down the street, we'll
all be looking for each other on that lady's porch

I've had other neighbors ask me if their kids can call me when they're
home alone. You might be surprised at the "big" kids who have gotten
frightened during loud thunder-lightening-hail storms that we get
here in Colorado. I've opened the garage and waited in lawn chairs
while teens got permission to bring siblings over to our home.

Anyway, I tell you this as you might have neighbors that could be
part of your support system.

peace,
teastaigh


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## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BedHead* 
I would also tell them about not answering the phone (unless they know the number) or doorbell, never telling anyone they're there by themselves, that type of thing.

My kids were in grades 4, 6 and 8 the first summer they stayed home alone. I asked them to call me when they woke up too.

Wow.

I was a latch key kid so I was supposed to call my Grandma when we got home from school every day. I remember in third grade forgetting all the time and she would end up calling us to make sure we got home. By fourth grade this rule was gone and we didn't have to call anyone. BTW I was the oldest so my brother was always a year younger than me.

When I was 13 that was the first year I babysat my brothers while my mother was at work. One was 12 the other was 6. We had to stay on the court but there were no rules about staying in the house/backyard ect. There were usually no other parents around either as all the other parents were at work as well.

Then again.. maybe I had too much freedom and responsibility considering how I rebelled just a year later. You never know.

I personally would let them go in the front yard.. however you know your children best.

You might want to set rules about cooking stove/oven safety.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Do BOTH children know what to do in case of emergency?

Do they have something to do all day to keep them occupied?


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## mar123 (Apr 14, 2008)

I think your rules sound fine, although I didn't allow any friends over at all- just my personal comfort level.

I am a teacher and have been teaching summer school for the past two years and will again this summer. It is only four hours a day and $30 an hour- too good to pass up! My kids are 13, 11, and 8- and my youngest is very mature. Also, my in-laws live about 3 minutes away. Do your kids have numbers of people close by, just in case? I also had rules about cleaning up after themselves; last thing I wanted was to come home to a trashed house.

Good Luck!


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Cleaning up after themselves and a chores list. Don't make the oldest one responcible for making sure the youngest does their chores though.

As for them just playing outdoors.....what are you going to do when it is 100 degrees out? I would rather my kids play in my house than other people house. If you say they have to stay out have rules about snack/drinks. Their friends will have to pee and get thirsty.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

I wouldn't let them have friends over while you're gone. If something happens you'd be liable for that child.

I would let them in the front yard. At 7/8 the child should know enough to not leave the yard.


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## jdcmom (Feb 27, 2009)

When I said 'NO ONE' was allowed in the house...I meant NO FRIENDS. Of course, my own kids are allowed in the house. Their friends can go home to have a snack and potty break.

I think I will allow them in the front yard. Would I still be liable for friends that come over to play in the front yard? How can I stop friends from coming over? How can I stop any person (mailman, door-to-door salesmen) from hurting themselves on my property.


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *teastaigh* 
I sometimes leave my children home together when going on an errand, etc.
My oldest is 12 and both children are very good kids. I think you
have some good rules. I few others that we have:

* no fighting or bugging each other as hurt feelings and disharmony
makes for lonely times when Mom & Dad are gone; we talk about being
extra tolerant of one another when Home Alone

* no questions or worries are too small, nor are they bothersome; I
want to be called as does their Dad if they have any question at all

* we have an emergency spot in case the children need to leave; our
neighbor knows her front porch is the emergency spot; my kids know
that if ever a fire engine or ambulance is tearing down the street, we'll
all be looking for each other on that lady's porch

I've had other neighbors ask me if their kids can call me when they're
home alone. You might be surprised at the "big" kids who have gotten
frightened during loud thunder-lightening-hail storms that we get
here in Colorado. I've opened the garage and waited in lawn chairs
while teens got permission to bring siblings over to our home.

Anyway, I tell you this as you might have neighbors that could be
part of your support system.

peace,
teastaigh

This is great. I am going to add it to what I tell my oldest two.

I have my children answer the phone so that we can call them. I always remind them of 1-2 of the rules as I leave to make sure they know where to go for help and have plenty to do while I ma gone (chores and other).


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jdcmom* 
When I said 'NO ONE' was allowed in the house...I meant NO FRIENDS. Of course, my own kids are allowed in the house. Their friends can go home to have a snack and potty break.

I think I will allow them in the front yard. Would I still be liable for friends that come over to play in the front yard? How can I stop friends from coming over? How can I stop any person (mailman, door-to-door salesmen) from hurting themselves on my property.

I didn't mean that I think your kids couldn't come it but when the friend come to play in the back yard they do get thirsty and need to potty. If the friends are close enough that is ok.....but my kids' friends only 1 of them live that close to just run home. Half mile is not a quick run for potty. LOL


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Could you find some other friends whose houses they can go play at also?

Give them some chores to get done while you're out?

Something to take up some of the time so it's not 4-6 hours a day all summer, unscheduled and unsupervised.


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## Inci (Apr 22, 2005)

Do your kids get along? It makes a big difference.
When my brother and I were around your kids' ages, we used to be home alone together more than I could stand, because he tormented me constantly, as did his friends. There was one evening when our mom was at work, I spent hours out in an awful snowstorm in the dark, because I had fled the house to get away from him, but had nowhere else to go....


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## bestjob (Mar 19, 2002)

I think I'd emphasize that they have to be responsible about using the swimming pool. For example, if they notice that the mom isn't supervising the swimming, what are they supposed to do? In our neighbourhood there are a couple of pools my kids are not allowed to visit without me. The parents at those houses are just too relaxed about pool safety. They're not bad people, just crummy lifeguards.

I guess the other thing is to ensure that the parents of the pool are expecting both kids fairly often. She may think it's great to have her son's friend over, but find it surprising when the sister comes along every single time as well. If your son is invited to hang out with his pal, what is your daughter going to do?

Could you occasionally hire a sitter to give them a little more freedom? If you got a sitter every Wednesday afternoon for 3 hours, your cost would be something like $20/week, but you'd break up the time.


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## jdcmom (Feb 27, 2009)

I'll try to address everyone's points:

* I do plan on giving my kids chores to do while we are at work.

* For the most part they get along. They have their moments but play together well

* I agree about the swimming. I will only allow them in the pool if the mom is there to supervise.

* Regarding little sister tagging along. We are good friends with the parents and they always invite our daughter to go swimming even when we are home.

* I think I'm going to reward my son for watching his sister. Either with money or something else.

My brother and I were 11 months apart so my brother never really watched me as we were both able to watch ourselves if need be. So, I keep forgetting that he's looking after someone who is much younger than him.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Oh, goodness, IMO 13 is plenty old enough! I know you'd have to make a decision based on your own children's responsiblity and maturity, but my two boys stayed alone much earlier than that.

Why can't they play in the front yard? I think my kids would go nutz if they couldn't ride their bikes or go to the park during the summer. When I worked full time, they spent their days very busy about the neighborhood and in the next neighborhood.

This teaches them great responsibility!!


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jdcmom* 
2) Can only play in the backyard (friends can come over but they are to stay in the backyard)
3) DS has a close friend 2 blocks away who has a pool. I have given them permission to go there (friend's mom will be there) to go swimming. They are to call before leaving the house and call when arriving at friend's house.

I'd let them play in the front yard, and no friends in the house does not seem right.

When going to the friend's house, it seems a bit extreme to have to call before and after a journey of two blocks.

Apart from that, sounds good to me.


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## Juuulie (Apr 15, 2009)

My 13yo babysits his younger sibs all the time. He even puts the 5yo to bed, and we always pay him. (We live in a very cozy neighborhood, my MIL lives next door, and of course we have cell phones.)

One rule we instituted from the very beginning was that the younger two always have veto power. If either one ever says they don't want Jay babysitting any more, we would not even question it. I don't know if such a rule would work for the OP since you may not have a choice about leaving your kids home alone, but it's worked very well for us. Jay wants to keep earning money, so he makes sure everyone is having a good time.


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

I leave my children home while running errands very often. My oldest is 14. They do fine. I also have a no front yard rule but they can go in the back. They also are not allowed to answer the door if someone comes up to it, even the mailman (since I'm not home to sign for anything anyway). I call and check in on them often if I'm expecting to be gone for longer than just a few minutes.


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## ChinaDoll (Jul 27, 2003)

This looks to be a really good checklist as you prepare

http://www.traversecityfamilylaw.com.../HomeAlone.htm


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## jdcmom (Feb 27, 2009)

Today is the 1st day that DS is home with his sister. They have some friends who live 2 doors down who usually go to Kansas during the summer. They will be leaving in 2 weeks. So, I told my DS that it was alright to go out into the front yard and play with the neighbors. The neighbor kids' grandmother is watching them so she is also keeping an eye on my kids when they are outside playing with the neighbor kids.

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions and help.


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