# TTC soon after a full term loss



## geck_07 (Jun 14, 2006)

I really don't know where to post so I guess this will do? My story is.... I lost my precious Ava 8 weeks ago at 37 weeks, she was my 3rd daughter. I had a wonderful pregnancy with her (my first 2 I had toxemia really bad). Anyway, I am so devastated from losing her, I am longing to have a baby in my arms and to sleep in the empty crib I have set up. I don't want another baby to replace her because that could never happen, she is my one and only Ava and I will always love her. I'll never be ready to let her go, but I am ready to have another baby. I'm just wondering if that sound selfish of me to wants something so soon after such a sad tragedy? Any comment is welcome.

so sorry to all you mamas who have suffered losses, my heart goes out to you.









Jessica


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

It doesn't sound selfish at all.










So very sorry to hear of your loss ...


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## mexicomommy (Oct 24, 2005)

I do not think it is selfish at all. I too just lost a baby girl one week ago at 32 weeks. I did not think it possible to want another so soon but I do. The Dr. advised to wait 6 months and my hubby would like to wait a year for my body to recover. I want one now!!!! So I can really understand where you are comming from. I am so terribly sorry that you lost your baby girl. Do you still feel that it is sort of surreal? I almost feel that it did not happen till memories of it all come flooding back.
Will you be able to TTC soon? If so I hope all goes smoothly for you!
Charlsie


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I'm sorry your precious daughter, Ava.Its not selfish @ all that you want another baby. Not at all. I lost Alexis on the 11th of May (7 wk ago) and hubby and I are not actively "trying" but not using bc either. I'm gonna let God make the decision for us because I know He will make the BEST decision. In my eyes, only YOU can determine when its right for you to have another baby. Everybody is always throwing out time frames...and they do not understand, especially since they're not the ones carrying the baby so its easy for them to say "Yeah so like wait 6 months +" For us, thats an eternity. I completely understand u. Keep your head up and you'll be in my prayers.


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## geck_07 (Jun 14, 2006)

Thank you all for your support, it helps alot. It still does feel surreal...I have good days and bad, but I have to strong for my other 2 dd's. They are only 4 & 5 so they don't really understand it. I had my 6w checkup last week and my doctor told me that I can start trying asap as long as I am ready, he is a great doctor. We also are not actively "trying", but not using bc. My doctor told me at my appointment that I was ovulating (which was this past monday), so I know it's only a matter of time.....who knows, maybe I'm heading for the 2ww! Again, thank you for your responses, they are very supportive.








Jessica


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

gecko, the quote at the bottom of ur sig...I have the same one on my yahoo page







...reminds me of holding my daughter after she was born...she was so angel like...
I know what you mean about staying strong for your other children, I have to stay strong for mine, too. We took them out to Alexis' gravesite...and no, they don't truly understand, but we tell them about her everyday and show them pics of her. Sometimes my son sees my belly and says "Mom, where baby go?" It makes me cry everytime because I am reminded how I don't have her. I think the most important thing is to be healed emotionally. That, of course doesn't mean that you never think of your baby anymore or never cry anymore. Just means that you accept their death and are able to move on and remember your child in positive ways. My husband and I joke around about who she looked like lol..she looked like her mommy (our 1st daughter looks like daddy)..anyway, we focus on her head full of curly hair and how beautiful she was and all the dancing around she did in my belly after I ate something sweet







. We made a scrap book for her..of her hospital bands, lock of hair, pics of us holding her, my family all together...
Its important to remember them in a good way. In the beginning it was hard to be positive. All I could think was "Why me?" "My body killed her!" And everywhere I turn around I see preggys or newborn babies...I'm not sure if I'm in the 2ww..lol..we're just going with the flow. Charting, counting all that is confusing and stressful...I can't keep up. I have been feeling sick...so we will just have to see! Just try to relax and I promise you will get your blessing soon!


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

the instinct to care for your child after they are born is so powerful. it is confusing and complicated when we are not able to take care of our babies, because they died. i think this is where that powerful desire for another child comes from- or it may just add fuel to that fire inside to become pregnant again. i know quite a few women who have had their baby's die before they were born, and it seems very common to want to become pregnant right away. it isn't selfish. at all. i don't know where that comes from, because to me, it was very clear that i wasn't trying to replace one baby for a new one. when my daughter was born, i transformed into a mother. you know inside your soul when you are ready to add to your family.
i am so sorry you have lost your baby girl.


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## geck_07 (Jun 14, 2006)

coralsmom- Thank you for the encouraging words, it realy does help to hear from other women who have been "there".

momz3 - who knows, maybe we'll be in the same ddc! We encourage our dd's to talk about Ava. I bought a cabinet w/ a glass door to put all of her special things like her urn, photos, her footprints. Also, we bought a littlel chest to put the outfit I was going to bring her home in, a special blanket, and a few other things. I even kept her room done up, and it'll probably stay that way (unless we end up with a boy next time! There's a little too much pink for a boy.lol)








Jessica


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## Patti Ann (Dec 2, 2001)

Jessica-so sorry to hear about your sweet baby girl Ava.









It is not selfish to want another so soon. I was the same way. My son Griffin was born silently 9/24/05 at 35 1/2 weeks due to a true knot in his cord. We started trying in December and got pregnant in January. I am currently pregnant with my 5th child due 10/12/06.

Much love to you. I hope you are pregnant soon. Nothing will ever replace our precious children.

It is very helpful to let your children talk as much about Ava as they want. My kids are deeply attached to their brother and my 4 year old talks about him all the time.

Patti


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## mimi_n_tre (Jun 15, 2005)

First I wanted to say how sorry I am about Ava. Too many of us have come here with our heart breaking stories that shouldn't have been....

I just wanted to agree with everyone else about how you are not selfish at all, or I would be also... I didn't have a full term loss, but my son died at 26 weeks. I wanted to have another as soon as I could even though the doctor said to wait at least the 3 months, and my husband wanted to wait at least that long to give my body "time to heal". I went against what everyone else had said, and was already pregnant at my 6 week check up.

I just had my daughter on the 21st. I love her a lot, but I miss my son so much. I started crying when they brought her to me, thinking that it should have been my son. In a way my son has shown me so much, and I thank him for that. He was my easy pregnancy also, and I got to have my VBAC with him like I had wanted. While I know that I wouldn't have my daughter if I had Jase, I still want to be a family of three living children instead of only two. It's hard. I know everyone is different, but I think that maybe I should have waited a while, since it has only been a little over 9 months since my son was born.

Good Luck momma,
Mary.


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## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

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## tonyarn (Jul 1, 2006)

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. My son was stillborn at 34 weeks, 6 days a little over 2 years ago. My doctor told me to wait 3 months to TTC, I waited 2 months, but then had some infertility issues and didn't get pregnant until about 9 months after I had him. It was aweful, I'm sure my family hated every minute of that entire time after I lost my little boy and was TTC another.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Geck, we were thinking of keeping our baby things...but I'd feel strange so we donated it ALL...we did keep like 7 outfits of hers that I just bought a box for. If and when we get pregnant again, we'll rebuy, I guess. Anyway, I'm glad I found this forum..sometimes its so hard for other ppl who haven't went through this to understand...and who knows..we may be in the same ddc! I only have a limited time because hubby is deploying in October...Ava was born a week prior to Alexis...it seems like it was FOREVER ago...I don't know why. Time goes by so slowly when you don't have your baby in your arms, but so fast once they are there.. I also pmed you.


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## Got_Cloth (May 14, 2005)

I am so sorry your baby died!! Hugs to you and your hubby.
i dont think it is selfish at all. and i think it is totaly normal. My son was born on may 22, and we are not trying but not preventing either. I want to have a baby soooo bad, espeicailly with his due date coming up, and the holidays and all. but hubby really wants to wait. so we are leaving this one up to our greater power. it took me 15 months to concieve him, and his twin, so i am scared for another long wait, which could eventually kill me ( not really but it will feel like it).
It is a totally personal decision. and right now, today i feel I am ok with waiting a while, but yesterday i was in tears becaseu i was not pregnant.
Do what you think is best for you and your family!!


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## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

I have been exactly where you are right now. I even posted the same question, back in Oct. when Quinn died. We got pg again nine weeks after Quinn was born (Quinn died at 1 1/2 days old). Unfortunately, it didn't work out, and I miscarried at 6.5 weeks. Now we are just starting to try again.
I assume I had my m/c because my body hadn't recovered yet, but now I think it happened because it would have been too soon emotionally to go through another pg after what happened. My heart was broken, and I don't think my body could sustain a pg again so soon. Then again, there are success stories also. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but ttc again right now is a big decision to make. Think it through. Much love.


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