# 16 month old screaming, inconsolable about 45-1hr after falling asleep



## tekcez (Jun 2, 2011)

I did a search in the forums and found some threads that were similar, but not exactly the same as ours, so I'm posting. I know there is probably no great solution, but I'm just hoping maybe someone has some advice that I haven't thought of before.

Ds has always been a challenge at night. Isn't that how all these posts start?? He starts out the night on a futon in "his" room. Typically he wakes 2 times between going down at 7 and one of us being ready to go to bed around 10 or 11 when we move him into our room. We're used to that. He doesn't nurse any longer because my milk dried up about a month after becoming pregnant when he was 9 months old. He comfort/dry nursed for a while, but quickly lost interest. I'm used to him waking up about 5 to 7 times per night. He had been going back down fairly easily in hindsight, unless he had an ear infection. He now has tubes in his ears. Everyone said he would sleep after getting tubes, but no such luck.

The past week he has woken about 45 min to an hour after going down, screaming and inconsolable. For a while he had been waking screaming for milk after getting over a really bad stomach bug. He was already skinny and had lost some weight and we were happy to get him some extra calories at night. Now it has become a bad habit that we are trying to break. I've substituted water, and he ends up chugging so much at night that he is soaking through his diaper by morning.

Anyway the big issue is that now he is waking in the early part of the night, not asking for anything, just screaming. He has craniosynostosis with a mild metopic ridge that the craniofacial specialist we saw says is not an issue as long as his head continues to grow along the predicted growth curve. So far no worries on that. I'm always worried, though, that he could be experiencing headaches as his head is growing. He has no way to express it if that is the case.

Okay so another possibility...night terrors. He seems coherent-ish...I mean he is screaming but if DH does in there, he screams "mama mama" and says "up" asking him to basically get up and take him to me. If I go in there he says "bed" asking to come to our bed where we sleep together. But once I bring him in, he continues to scream. Nothing makes him feel better. Well, okay, if I was to take him to the kitchen and get him a sippy cup of cold milk, he would drink it and chill out. Often, though when he finishes it, he freaks out when it's empty.

Okay so maybe he's thirsty/hungry. We are making sure to get him lots of milk before bed, and the past 2 nights he has had some yogurt right before bed. That's the only way we can get his magnesium supplement into him. We were thinking the magnesium might help him sleep. He eats well during the day and is overhydrated, if anything, at night as he is soaking through his diapers. We had him tested for food and environmental allergies when he had his tubes put in and nothing came up in either panel.

Teething? Yes he is cutting a tooth, but he's never reacted to teething in this manner before.

Sensing impending arrival of sibling? Who knows? If anything I've been more patient with him lately than in the past because I feel like these are his last few weeks of undivided attention. We aren't talking a lot about the baby as I don't really think he has any concept of what is about to happen and don't want to make a huge deal of it for him and possibly confuse him.

Dh thinks he is just throwing a fit. But my response is, to what end?? I get it when he is crying for milk and we say the milk is all done and he starts screaming louder. Yes, tantrum. But when he's not asking for anything, just seems miserable? I think when dh goes in and he starts asking for me, it's just because we have a bit more of a calming ritual that he and dh don't have together. We sing songs and that distracts him eventually. He also has a major sleep association with holding onto my hair. I think he's just asking for comfort at that point. Dh thinks we should "try something different." To me that means letting him cry, and I just can't/won't. I've very reluctantly tried it before. It was disastrous for both ds and I. I wish I never had been pressured in to it, and I don't intend to ever let it happen again. I just don't have the energy to go through the cry it out debate every time ds's sleep gets worse. Dh always gets really "fun" advice from his coworkers regarding sleep. I get that he wants to solve the problem, but I wish he would trust my gut more than people who don't even know our son.

Anyway this is reallllly long. Thanks for sticking it out, if you got this far. Maybe I just needed to work some of this out in my own head. Maybe this is just another really bad phase he has to get past. It seems like we have always taken one tiny step forward and 2 steps back with his sleep. It's worse now than ever, and here comes baby sister right around the corner. If you have even an inkling of what could be going on, I'd love to hear it.

TIA


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## Asiago (Jul 1, 2009)

It seems he is seeking comfort, security, sucking or drinking and your presence. You had mentioned dry nursing, but have you tried it recently? It may fulfill his needs. It may be worth a try. The 45 minutes may be the end of his sleep cycle when he is aware again and in need. 45-60 minutes is about the length of time per sleep cycle of a baby/young child.


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## tekcez (Jun 2, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Asiago*
> 
> It seems he is seeking comfort, security, sucking or drinking and your presence. You had mentioned dry nursing, but have you tried it recently? It may fulfill his needs. It may be worth a try. The 45 minutes may be the end of his sleep cycle when he is aware again and in need. 45-60 minutes is about the length of time per sleep cycle of a baby/young child.


He hasn't indicated any interest in nursing in at least 4 months, which feels longer than it really is, I guess. I'm certainly not opposed to trying it. I was sad when it ended so early. A little apprehensive about him biting me in the middle of a screaming fit. I mean he wakes up completely distressed and escalates from there. His 3 o'clock wake up is pretty bad and takes the most effort and time to settle him down. Last night/this morning, he went from seemingly asleep to straight up screaming. Makes me think nightmare or pain. And he wanted both dh and I there. Usually we sleep in different rooms because I can't handle dh's snoring in addition to ds's wakings. I slipped out after he went back to sleep about a half hour later (he went from totally inconsolable to passed out, dh somehow was already sawing logs), and he and dh slept peacefully until 6:30. I got to sleep in the guest bed until 8! Feel like a new woman! I guess I'm just going to focus on giving him all the comfort he needs and hope whatever the root cause is will fade on it's own. The desire to "fix" the problem is so ingrained, though. I've been spinning my wheels about "fixing" him since the day he was born. I promised myself I wouldn't do that with this next lo...we'll see. Just wish I could give him some peace at night.


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

I agree to try nursing again. Your colostrum may even be in already and he might take to it again. If he has any low grade infection starting then the nursing would be a great way to help give him a boost. If not nursing, maybe something else to suck/chew on, especially if teeth are coming. I know it's a can of worms but maybe see if he wants a paci? If there's a chance it might help him sleep in the short term, I would consider it. Alternately maybe a teething toy he could use in bed that he could associate with sleep.
About the new baby, while I agree not tO bombard him with it, make sure the subject isn't taboo either. It will be a big change and it will be much harder if it's unexpected. Maybe show him baby pictures from when he was tiny and just mention it casually here or there. Young toddlers understand more than you would think


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## tekcez (Jun 2, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *skycheattraffic*
> 
> I agree to try nursing again. Your colostrum may even be in already and he might take to it again. If he has any low grade infection starting then the nursing would be a great way to help give him a boost. If not nursing, maybe something else to suck/chew on, especially if teeth are coming. I know it's a can of worms but maybe see if he wants a paci? If there's a chance it might help him sleep in the short term, I would consider it. Alternately maybe a teething toy he could use in bed that he could associate with sleep.
> About the new baby, while I agree not tO bombard him with it, make sure the subject isn't taboo either. It will be a big change and it will be much harder if it's unexpected. Maybe show him baby pictures from when he was tiny and just mention it casually here or there. Young toddlers understand more than you would think


I'm curious now to see if he would even nurse. He seems like such a different kid now, I just can't imagine him nursing. I'll give it a go tonight and let you guys know how it went. Ever since my milk dried up, he has been sick frequently. Maybe this is an answer for that. Tandem nursing, though...I have to say I wasn't terribly sad to think I had dodged that. I know some people love it, but it seems like it could be realllly tough. At a playgroup the other day he found one of those raspberry teethers and had it in his mouth for a long time. I like the idea of the chewie, too. He's got a couple around here somewhere, probably under the couch covered in dog hair!

We definitely talk about his little sister. He points to my belly and says "baby, sssshhh!" I got him a little girl baby doll that he loves to feed and cuddle. Recently we've been watching videos of when he was first born and talking a little about the baby that's coming. TEARS for me!! He loves it. I'm pretty sure he doesn't really get that there will be another of those squirmy little things attached to mommy 24/7. I'm thinking whatever progress we make with sleep in the next 6 weeks or so will quickly go out the window once she gets here. Then again, maybe there won't be any progress! I've been reading some of the awful posts about sleep deprivation and remembering where I was around month 4 through 10 or so with ds. It was just so awful. Since then his sleeping hasn't changed much, but I've become better about getting help from dh and letting go of expectations for things getting better or thinking that there is really anything I can do to make it better. It sounds like hopelessness, but it's been freeing! I'm just trying to prepare myself for the fact that getting even less sleep than I have for the past 16 months is going to be really tough. And then I'll have 2 of them needing me all day long. No more napping when ds naps. Can't imagine there will be a beautiful synchronizing of nap times any time soon or ever. SIGH! Everyone says number 2 will be my good sleeper, but I am not even going to let myself dream of that. I've worked too hard to give up on good sleep to let the hope creep back in


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