# ever feel like your toddler hates you?



## ms mariah (Mar 29, 2005)

I am so frustrated and down about my 2year old. He's always been a really challenging child, from the day he was born he was extremely colicky, a hellish experience for us. Then as he outgrew colic, he became a challenge in age appropriate ways at each stage.
Now as a 2 year old, he's SO awful to me each day I want to cry. All he does is whine, big, long drawn out attention getting whines. Its awful. Its to the point where sometimes all I have to do is look at him and he whines, he does that to my husband too and we can't figure it out.
He will whine and then if I ignore him he will grab toys, or furniture or whatever he's close to, and either try to trash it somehow or clamp down on it with his teeth and bite till his body is almost shaking.
He's just a miserable guy so much of the time.
He's always been tougher, but now we have a new baby in the house, 5 weeks old today. he refuses to acknowledge her and although I have a babysitter come and watch her just so I can take him out for one on one time with me, he's still miserable.

I am at a loss. To feel like my son hates me breaks my heart. And his whining is getting me down so much that sometimes I feel like we just aren't meant to get along at all.
Its so tough.

Terrible twos are just that, but is it normal for them to be this terrible?

And the worst part is, he'll be totally happy when daddy gets home, or if we have any visitors he's very social, flirty and a little show off.
But to me he's so rude. I see the difference in how he treats me vs other people and it really crushes me so much.

He also is not talking yet, i am trying to get him signed up for speech therapy. I think he's frustrated with that (and so am I!)

But what can I do to help my relationship with him? I feel so bad about it. I cannot believe how mad he acts at me, its unreal.


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## momofone01 (Jan 2, 2003)

Hang in there!!! It's gotta get better!! I also have a ds who I think doesn't really like me that much either. He is 3 1/2 but pushes every single button I have to get me in tears some days! I don't have much to say to help, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone! I don't know if you are a religious person or not, but I know I pray a lot for help. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but it helps me clear my thoughts. Do you ever just walk away from him? Maybe if he sees you aren't going to let it bother you, even though you want to just cry, maybe he'll kinda get what he's doing. I usually sit ds in time out when he really gets going, it just helps him settle down and gives me the few min. I need too. I hope it all works out for you, I'm sure it will! Kids are tough cookies when they want to be!!


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## lisalou (May 20, 2005)

*hugs* I recently read a great article about temper tantrums. Basically they stem from the need to release emotion. It needs to happen so a toddler can refocus and move on developmentally. Your job as a parent is to let them happen but also listen to the tantrum and figure out what is frustrating him. Find out by listening if when he calms down there is something you can help him with. Not do it for him, but help. It sounds like inability to communicate is a big one for him right now. So maybe some signing or gestures would help him in the interim. Like after he calms down say, "You want the book?" while making some gesture or sign that can come to mean that for both of you. Help him develop some other ways of communicating to you.

The article emphasized that tantrums are things that need to happen. They help a toddler clear their brain from all the input going and and frustration from attempting to do something. You obviously want to keep him safe and also keep you safe but don't try to head them off or stop them. As for whining, the article mentioned an example of a toddler wanting milk and then not wanting it when offered the cup and then wanting it when the father started to drink it and then batting it away when it was offered, etc. etc. The article said to not play that game, it's the early signs of a tantrum, stop playing the game and let the tantrum happen and then go from there.

Also, I know this will be little comfort, but the fact that he does it with you is actually a sign of how much he loves and trusts you that he feels comfortable to be so vulnerable in front of you. I'm sure little comfort but it's true.


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## eugenemama (Oct 16, 2004)

I don't have a 2 yr old yet, so can't speak to that. But my 15 mo old cries/screams with frustration. And really, for me, when i can take a deep breath & get over MY frustration, i can focus on his. I sit with him (if he won't let me hold him, as is often the case when he's quite upset) and talk to him about how frustrating such & such must be and how it's ok to be upset... And eventually he calms down. When he does, we go back to playing or whatever. If i need to have my attention elsewhere (say i'm making his lunch), and he becomes impatient or upset for whatever reason, i won't stop cooking his food (usually what he's impatient for!), but i'll give him a hug, and then talk to him while he's on the floor right by me.

I know that it's hard and when our kids push our buttons, it is so frustrating. But, kids are loving and want love from us. For me, esp. with AP being my goal, that means i don't put my kid away from me in a time out (though, like i said, i'm not at the 2 year old mark yet). I talk to him about the frustration he's going through, and try to help him calm down with me right there with him.

hang in there, mama, your son loves you!!


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## maria423 (Dec 24, 2003)

I am in the same boat! My dd (two years old as well) was challenging from birth. She was also colicy, and is and has been a high-needs child. She is incredibly intelligent, sensitive, intuitive but also incredibly stubborn, anxious, frustrated and difficult. I know all (or at least most) 2-year-olds are difficult in their own way, but mine is difficult to an extreme, and I, too, often feel like she hates me.

Many days I feel like the entire day is a struggle between the two of us. I want us to get along, to play, to laugh, to have a good time, with the occasional crying bout or temper tantrum. Instead, many days it seems like a constant tantrum with the occasional good mood that lasts only a few minutes before she's tantrumming about something else.

Occasionally I'll drop her off at my mom's house for the day so I can relax with our 6.5-month-old, and my mother reports that Ally was an angel all day. No crying, no tantrums.

I've heard that toddlers are the most tantrummy with the people they trust the most, because they feel free to let down their guard, to let out their emotions. I'm choosing to believe that, because otherwise I have to believe that she really dislikes me, and that would break my heart.


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