# nevermind



## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

nevermind


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

It can take time for that weight to go away and puberty is a pretty long process (past period starting.) I remember feeling "thick" until about 15. I wasn't overweight but I had that belly pudge too. Part of it was genetic. I'm half hispanic and hispanic women are rounder in that area.

I feel for her but I'd also not allow too much in the way of dieting or anything. It sounds like she's an active girl who eats well. It might be more beneficial to work on acceptance than focus on getting rid of it. I mean, it could just be how she is built.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Rani*
> 
> DD is 13. She has slender hips, slender legs but has always had a belly. The doctors always told us it would go away once she hit puberty but it hasn't. She is not fat but she feels like she is because of the weight around the middle...She is active - dance, bike riding and loves swimming. But she doesn't really push herself that hard.
> 
> ...


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Is it a belly or the little fat pouch that women are suppossed to have to protect their reproductive organs? I have been told that you have to be severely anorexic to get rid of that because it is pretty much an essential part of your body. Maybe it would help if she asked the doctor that and got an answer from someone who she doesn't see as having to give her nice answers because they are related to her.


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

My friends and I call that "the new shape of the American woman". We notice it all the time, skinny girls with jiggly bellies and muffin top. The theory is that it's hormones in food and esp milk. Not trying to accuse you, but what's her diet like? I have a super skinny friend who BF both of her girls for 2yrs each, but they don't care too much about organic food and her girls both have somewhat flabby bellies in relation to the rest of their overall body shape and now she wishes she had paid more attn to their diets after weaning.


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## prone_to_wander (Jun 29, 2009)

I have always had a tummy. I had skinny legs and was slender all around except my 'pot belly' as we called it. Some women just carry weight in their stomaches instead of their back end. I saw a personal trainer as a young adult to get rid of The pot belly and she was amazed how strong my stomach muscles were. All those years of sucking in my stomach made the muscles super strong. But i still had a pot belly.


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## Aur-elia (Jun 27, 2011)

I always had that problem growing up, I was skinny and had a belly I remember that I used to hate it so much and I felt fat most of the time. I'm half hispanic too, but that doesn't have anything to do with that I think??

My DD is turning 13 in September, she has even more hispanic blood that I have and she doesnt have the belly I had when I was her age, but she has a pudge she hates but I noticed that most girls have it, and I have to agree that it may be the new "thin".


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

I think maybe we're talking of different things. I wasn't suggesting that hispanic women have pot bellies, I just meant that hispanic women are typically curvier. I often hear young teens point out natural curves (including a little "pinch" at the lower abdomen) as "fat." This isn't fat. Women are supposed to have a little weight there. Heck, my DD is 5'6 and 105 pounds. She is a dancer and a runner and a toothpick. Even she's not a washboard. I guess this is what I was invisioning when I read OP about her DD being very thin but having a belly. If it's enough to be noticable to others, maybe it's more that muffin top thing others are talking about.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Aur-elia*
> 
> I always had that problem growing up, I was skinny and had a belly I remember that I used to hate it so much and I felt fat most of the time. I'm half hispanic too, but that doesn't have anything to do with that I think??
> 
> My DD is turning 13 in September, she has even more hispanic blood that I have and she doesnt have the belly I had when I was her age, but she has a pudge she hates but I noticed that most girls have it, and I have to agree that it may be the new "thin".


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

This is a fabulous article on women and body image:

\http://www.stumptuous.com/why-dont-you-look-like-a-fitness-model

It has pictures of female Olympic athletes in swim suits with their height and weight. It really challenges the image we have of what "fit" looks like. It doesn't look like the fitness magazines, and the article explains why.

I've no idea what the OPer's DD looks like, or if their is anything "wrong" with her. You can't spot reduce. How much body fat one has is determined by a combination of diet and exercise, but how that fat is positioned on our bodies is determined by our body's own wisdom (or what often seems like a lack of wisdom!)

The one thing I've noticed, though, about women who are at a reasonable weight and a reasonable level of fitness who still have tummies such that it effects how their clothes fit is that they often have poor body alignment. They chronically do not sit or stand straight. Often, their bellies are mal-formed because of what is going on in their backs. Adding a lengthening exercise is helpful. Pilates is most likely the best, but a good yoga class can do the same thing (not all yoga classes are good yoga classes). Swimming is really great for this too because it is a constant stretch with each stroke.

Just look at people around you -- notice that those with hunched over shoulders and curved backs also have tummies sticking out -- and this posture is VERY common for teen girls due to lack of confidence in their changing bodies. I teach yoga to teens, and most of them don't even know what it means to sit up straight, they don't understand the curves of their spines, they have no awareness of the various core muscles -- even the girls who are very active and in lots of sports!


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Thanks for sharing that excellent article, Linda. The pictures were amazing.


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## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

The things we do to our bodies to feel okay about them is astonishing. I am a normal-seeming woman IN MY FORTIES who duct-taped my stomach to feel better about an informal backyard party a couple years back. I didn't eat that day--just drank diet drinks--and smoked my head off (and dipped as well, if you must know). I puked everywhere (no alcohol or anything was involved).

I have since learned to not bother going to occasions where I feel at least reasonably comfortable with myself, sans duct-tape. I'm in a much better place now. Life is hard on females.

Thumbs up to you for keeping an eye on your daughter, giving her right attention, and being mindful of her worries. Wish my mom had been the same.


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## greenmama (Feb 8, 2002)

Great Thread and Great Article, but I was surprised that I don't see people discussing how body image affects their daughters.

My daughter was thin and super fit until two years ago, she has since begun puberty and adopted a much more sedantary lifestyle and developed the typical belly paunch (I did appreciate the response about why we have that paunch)

At the same time it seems to me that most of the pre=adolescent girls in our area are somewhat overweight.

I try hard to teach and model healthy eating habits and regular exercise but we do come from a big boned family.

Anyway how are others teaching that a Healthy body size is important while still teaching body acceptance? It seems a cruel reality that their bodies are changing right when they are wanting to define their "image"

I guess I feel lucky that we're dealing with body image and style choices now before she is very interested in boys so we don't have that complicating factor.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

You know, we don't deal with body image stuff with DD really. She's got the sort of figure that is in style at the moment. She knows she looks good in the clothing that is popular. She's totally confident that her body will do whatever she needs it to do whether it's scale a rock wall, learn a ballet or run 5 miles. Other girls are always telling her she's lucky to have her figure (which I think might carry more weight than boys telling her to be honest.) She doesn't see herself as a great beauty but she actually seems to like what she sees in the mirror. That's not to say she doesn't have insecurities. She may be physically confident but I know she often feels socially akward.

I guess the only thing I actively try to do is be positive about my own appearance (and it's really hard.) I try to make sure she doesn't hear me pick at myself. I encourage her strong relationship with DH because I know that the daddy/daughter relationship can have a lot to do with a girl's self-confidence in that reguard. I try to compliment particular things like if she picked out a really great color shirt that makes her eyes pop or she did something with her hair that was especially nice. That seems to be taken more seriously than the few times I've just said she was beautiful. We sort of sit outside pop culture and that seems to help. She didn't grow up watching the Disney channel who manage to find the only 5 perfect looking 13-year-olds for their shows lol. We are vegetarians... not health nuts by any means but we have always had to pay a little attention to what we eat and try to be balanced. It helps she's in theatre and worked with some high caliber women who are pretty but not in the way movie/magazine actresses are. Most theatre actresses are pretty normal looking... especially out of the pound of make-up. They may only take half a doughnut at Friday rehearsal but they openly enjoy it and don't freak out about a little sugar or fat touching their lips. Who knows if our approach has mad a difference or it's just DD's personality but so far, so good when it comes to body image.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *greenmama*
> 
> Great Thread and Great Article, but I was surprised that I don't see people discussing how body image affects their daughters.
> 
> ...


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

I enjoyed the pics as well-nice link.

My dd grew close to 5 1/2 inches in about 14 months. She quite literally did not know what to do with herself, and she's tall, so that compounded things a little. She's fortunate to be able to wear clothes beautifully, and has a great sense of style (I think she's beautiful, naturally). But that wasn't the issue for her-it was more about figuring out where she was in space, and how she was going to be relating to the grown ups in her life (and older kids as well), when she was now as tall or taller than many of them. I think her world view, and her sense of herself changed a lot during this time.

DD is a year round athlete, and dances for fun. One of the wonderful things about athletics is that you need to be very strong in her field, and seeing her body gain strength and endurance was very rewarding. Learning to use and move her body the way she wants to has been very empowering.


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## MicheleRMT (Mar 9, 2009)

I liked that article Linda.

So many girls are worried about every thing that's not magazine worthy! So we need to stop to be truely happy.

Is she constipated? Tummy that sticks out and is quit hard to the touch?

That used to be me growing up until I was 20 and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. After I got my thyroid pills, I was fine. Bowels were quite slow.


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## ctdoula (Dec 26, 2002)

How tall is she & how much does she weigh?


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## FarmerBeth (Mar 9, 2011)

Great article from Linda! How about getting some clothes for your daughter that she finds really flattering and really likes. I can remember feeling very down about my body as a teenager (different reason, very skinny and flat chested, really nothing seems to be ideal, does it?) and my fashion conscious mother took me out shopping. I felt a lot better about the "chest" wearing clothes I enjoyed and felt looked good on me. I don't think the appreciating my body in it's own unique way line would have worked for me at that age (I simply wouldn't have believed it), as much as that may be a good and true message, but having some help to dress confidently did.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *FarmerBeth* 


> I don't think the appreciating my body in it's own unique way line would have worked for me at that age (I simply wouldn't have believed it), as much as that may be a good and true message, but having some help to dress confidently did.


you know, I think it may be a weird side effect of my oldest Dd being on the autism spectrum that being overly hung up on meeting society standards isn't a huge deal here. My DD just isn't wired to care too much about things like that. She cares a little (which is nice because it means that she is "higher functioning" than an ASD teen who doesn't care at all,) but it has been pretty easy to show her how silly it all is.

And I think it has a trickle down effect on her little sister.

We do shop for clothes that they feel attractive and comfortable in.

I think it helps to shop in a very mellow frame of mind, and let them try on lots and lots of things, really taking their time to stare at them selves in the mirror. I can remember my mother getting SO frustrated shopping with me because I took so long and never knew what to get. I try to be the parent that my kids need, not the one that I needed, but when it comes to shopping, I know I'm trying to give them what I never got -- a chance to try to figure out what I liked and what looked OK on me.

As a teen, I used to feel that if something didn't fit or didn't look good on me, esp if it was a style that was trendy, it meant that MY BODY was wrong.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

I just want to mention that processed foods (which most people are eating when they say "carbs") tend to make your body retain water. If your body doesn't recognize it as food, it will hold in fluids to try and flush the offensive things out of your system.

A couple of years ago DH and I did a cleansing diet. We eliminated wheat, sugars (even honey and molasses), dairy (except for butter and plain yogurt), alcohol, and caffeine. DS1 was 17 at the time and was interested in joining us on this cleanse....he was 5'8" and 135 lbs. at the time. In the first four weeks, he lost 7 lbs...and he was eating non-stop (we ALL were). It was all water-weight, and we didn't even know he had any water-weight to lose, because he looked pretty slim.

DH and I also lost several pounds, although that wasn't the intent of eating that way. It was a nice bonus. My belly got significantly less puffy.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

Since the moderator refuses to delete it


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

According to this site she under her ideal weight and only a few pounds above the minimum weight for her height. I don't know how thin ballerinas need to be but I don't think four pounds is something that should impede flexibility. I am a lot more than four pounds over my recommended weight for my height and it has done nothing to my flexibility. I have heard that anorexia is a big problem with teens in ballet and I really think you are comparing her to the wrong group of people.

http://www.healthstatus.com/cgi-bin/calc/calculator.cgi


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

? That site gave me 113 pounds as the ideal weight for a 5'4" 13 year old girl... regardless, I think her weight seems fine, not overweight or underweight. Muffin top often happens because girls are wearing pants that are too small...


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I clicked on the wrong link and did the one for adult weight. I didn't realize they did kid weights and adult weights once you have an adult shaped body. It is weird that it doesn't give a range for kids. The adult one had a range of healthy weights that spanned a wide range of weights. I think she would probably still be in the healthy range though, unless it is cut and dry for teens. I should probably not say anymore because it really triggers a lot from when I was teen.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

deleted


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## insidevoice (Feb 16, 2011)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Rani* 


> She is somewhat overweight but not a lot. its ALL in her belly and hips..like a spare tire around the waist. She doesn't look bad to me at all BUT it bothers her as the girls around her are relatively skinny and have a small pot at most....her belly is significant.


Some kids simply are going to have different body shapes. Your job, as a parent, is to help her make healthy choices and help her be comfortable in the body she has.

If her pants are giving her 'muffin top' take her shopping, try a bunch of different cuts and sizes on and find some that don't. Help her learn to dress in a way that plays down her waist, and emphasizes other features.

Also, if she is worried about her weight, let her step on a scale and see where the numbers are. If she wants to be healthier, help her make choices to get there.

At 13, there are SO many changes going on that it's really hard to see where her body will be when she is 17/18....

I was the girl who had more curves than her friends. My mom was great, but the rest of my family was terrible about it- always comparing me to so and so who was a little willowy sort. The decade+ of disordered eating as a result of their not being able to help me be comfortable in the body I had did a lot more damage than carrying a little weight would have done. Stop comparing your daughter to her friends. What they look like doesn't matter. Whether you accept the way she looks, and whether you help her learn to dress for, and be comfortable in, her body matters a great deal.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

deleted


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## jdsf (Apr 6, 2011)

Posture, posture, posture. Even my underweight 13 y.o. has a little bit of that because they don't stand up straight. I think it must be the newness of the breasts or something, because DD and all her friends slouch. Does she have watery BMs or constipation or allergic symptoms? If so, she may have parasites which cause belly distention, otherwise I think it's normal teenage behavior. Have her walk around with a thick book or a cloth bag filled with lightweight items on her head for 15 minutes a day, that should help a little with the posture. Poke a finger in her middle/lower back when she's slouching to get her to sit up.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

Sigh...I appreciate your thoughts but she danced from 4 years old till age 12..she has good posture.....you all still think its a wee teeny bit of flub but its not. She has a spare tire around her body in the middle..when you look at her from behind you can see it as well as in the front. When she sits down, its very apparent as well as when she stands. Nevermind folks. Moderator please delete this thread.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

I'm not sure why you want this thread deleted. Did you expect different responses? Suggestions on how to get rid of her tummy? I always feel like people are fishing for something else. So what is it you want to hear?

I can tell you I have one kid who is as you describe, and one who is literally a skinny muscle. They're just different. And if the difference is bothersome to the little one I'll help her figure out how we can help change her outlook first then go onto help build a healthy body.

Good luck, by the way I think this thread was good for a lot of mamas


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Rani do you need to make a formal request somewhere to delete this thread?

coz if the moderators dont delete then I am not sure how i feel about remaining here at mothering.

i can understand why you want to delete this thread. this is personal stuff and you dont want ur dd to find this online. i am sure this is a sore subject in your family anyways.

i wonder if the 'attack site' is making fun of this thread too.

i hope your request - no matter why - is met.


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

I'd be surprised if this thread is deleted. We deal with lots of issues about food/weight/body image/health/parents concerns here, and I think it's really helpful to gain perspective from the moms here. I'm sorry, OP, if you felt unsupported or challenged. Hopefully there was something helpful.


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## seashells (Jan 23, 2009)

I'm sorry you didn't feel supported.

I'm adding something I didn't see posted here thus far.

Like so many people who replied, I said "that was me!" when I read this. I was a skinny girl. And I had a belly. My mother used to make comments about how I looked pregnant. It was awful. I couldn't understand it - my weight was really low. I've been underweight before (5'5" and 102 pounds on a medium frame) and never lost the belly. I spent 25 years of my life sucking in my gut. I dreaded having to do activities that required extra gut sucking (like swimming or gym). I used to wear tights under my gym attire because the tights had a nice tight belly so I didn't have to work so hard at it.

At the beginning of this year, I quit eating grains, just to give it a try (I had some health problems I was willing to try anything reasonable for). I was utterly shocked to see that my belly, at age 34, finally disappeared. I wore a bikini for the first time this summer. It was swelling caused by eating grains. It wasn't even fat, it was swelling. I don't have a six pack or enviable abs (I don't do core exercises though of course I intend to.. someday... maybe..) but my belly is FLAT.

I'm so not used to it. It's been 6 months and I still look at my belly (or lack thereof) in the mirror in the hall almost every time I pass it. I'm not a better, more disciplined, more fit or even skinnier person than I used to be. I've just solved the swelling. If your daughter wants to give it a try, she can stop eating cereal grains (wheat, oats, rye, barley, millet, etc) for about 6 weeks and see what happens.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

What was I looking for? essentially what the last few responders said. She lives for eating grains..I keep telling her that may be an issue. I need to find some research to show her. Its exactly what you describe Seashells....I will suggest this. Im more concerned about how SHE feels about it. I NEVER make negative comments. I was feeling like everyone was saying that it was me saying she was fat or that I was mistaking a bit of flub for an issue.

thanks so much. And nope the moderator NEVER responded to me or anything. I have been actually quite disappointed in how the forums are going lately not because of my posts or anything but generally. Sigh....

Rani


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## seashells (Jan 23, 2009)

I don't have a 13 year old but trying to remember myself at that age. I think that if I complained about it, it would have been best if my mom just shrugged and said "you could try eating grain free for a few weeks and see what happens. I'd be more than happy to take care of that." And if she didn't want to, I'd drop it. I like the idea of having just a 6 week period because it's so finite. The idea of quitting pasta FOREVER is kind of hard on a person so oriented to it. But if she gets a lot of results she might stick with it.

I'm trying to think if I would push the issue, though. I don't think so if the swelling was the only symptom. Not because that's not enough of a symptom but because it's so darn wrapped up in our self-images. I just wouldn't go there. But if she also had difficulty concentrating (brain fog) or digestive pains or irregularity in the bathroom, I think I would make an executive decision as a mom to try feeding her grain free. She's too old to be prevented from eating what she wants when she's away from you, but if you made the change in your house it might already help a little. If I did such an executive decision, I'd only talk about the other symptoms. I feel sensitive about my belly. The things my mom said stay with me to this day. (ETA: not that I am suggesting you said anything of course, just recalling my experience).


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Rani, I'm sorry. Though I have an idea now as well. How does she do with dairy? I'm seriously scrawny but can look pregnant if dairy and or grains are in my diet. I took it out and hardly have it at all anymore. I wonder if your whole family can go without those things for 6 weeks and see if there is a difference. And once she saw the difference you can tell her why. Actually seeing the outcome is so much easier to understand.

Good luck


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

Thanks so much ladies..and yes I have been mulling it over. I actually had the opportunity to say something about it last night because it may also help my fibroids too and said I was going to try at least to go bread free and white flour free as a starter...She immediately shrugged it off but she is one of those deep thinkers...she may just give it a go if she sees im not telling HER too..that Im going to do it myself.

Thanks again and will let you know how it goes....


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

Good luck!


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Imakcerka*
> 
> I'm not sure why you want this thread deleted. Did you expect different responses? Suggestions on how to get rid of her tummy? I always feel like people are fishing for something else. So what is it you want to hear?
> 
> ...


I totally agree with the bolded parts. Threads like this really help me a lot because I've had disordered eating for years and much of it started in my tweens and early teens due to comments from others (specifically family) on what my body should look like. I want to avoid this at all costs with my own DD. My DD is still fairly young (only five) but everyone can see that she has inherited her body type from her parternal ancestors who my DH affectionately refers to as Russian potato pickers. She is shorter and stockier than most kids her age and has a Mary Lou Retton type physique. She's been extended breastfed and has a great diet, gets tons of exercise and is strong. By those genes. Can't change them. How she sprang forth from my body, I'll never know! Anyway, I think that Imakcerka's advice is great: learning to recognize differences and then helping to build a healthy outlook and body for life.


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

This is what I mean. I NEVER said I was making NEGATIVE comments to my dd. In fact I do the opposite. I never said it was or was not her genes. I truly believe its the grains thing as well as her not pushing very hard when she does exercise. But I don't SAY THAT to her. I do NOTHING to encourage a poor body image. This is not helpful.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CatsCradle*
> 
> I totally agree with the bolded parts. Threads like this really help me a lot because I've had disordered eating for years and much of it started in my tweens and early teens due to comments from others (specifically family) on what my body should look like. I want to avoid this at all costs with my own DD. My DD is still fairly young (only five) but everyone can see that she has inherited her body type from her parternal ancestors who my DH affectionately refers to as Russian potato pickers. She is shorter and stockier than most kids her age and has a Mary Lou Retton type physique. She's been extended breastfed and has a great diet, gets tons of exercise and is strong. By those genes. Can't change them. How she sprang forth from my body, I'll never know! Anyway, I think that Imakcerka's advice is great: learning to recognize differences and then helping to build a healthy outlook and body for life.


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Rani*
> 
> This is what I mean. I NEVER said I was making NEGATIVE comments to my dd. In fact I do the opposite. I never said it was or was not her genes. I truly believe its the grains thing as well as her not pushing very hard when she does exercise. But I don't SAY THAT to her. I do NOTHING to encourage a poor body image. This is not helpful.


And I didn't say that you made negative comments, Rani, nor did I even remotely infer that you (specifically) were encouraging poor body image. I was agreeing to the bolded parts in Imakcerka's message and indicating why I think that threads like this are useful to some of us, because threads like this help some of us to take a good look at body image and how we view it, etc. My post was meant to show you (general you) that a discussion like this is important. It wasn't a critique of you (specifically you).


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Rani*
> 
> you all still think its a *wee teeny bit of flub but its not. She has a spare tire around her body in the middle*..when you look at her from behind you can see it as well as in the front. When she sits down, its very apparent as well as when she stands.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Rani*
> 
> I was feeling like everyone was saying that it was me saying she was fat or that I was mistaking a bit of flub for an issue.
> 
> ...


Can you see how your first the bolded could make people think that you are saying she is fat? I have a belly and I cant stand it when its referred to as a "spare tire" or "flub", Its offensive to some people. However, I dont see anywhere where anyone has accused you of saying these things to your daughter. But saying you are only concerned because she is concerned doesnt seem true, otherwise you would be asking "how can I assure her that this is no big deal" instead of "she has a spare tire."

No one attacked you, no one said anything out of line, so why would a mod delete it for you? There is nothing here that is against the UA and it doesnt seem that you have shared personal information that could be dangerous to you IRL. One of the things that disappoints me about the forums recently is how many people seem to delete everything themselves or ask for something to be deleted just because it didnt go their way. Does not make sense, and is actually against the UA. Did you PM a mod, or did you just ask on the thread?


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

As to me saying that Im only concerned because she is and you not believing it. That is your choice. I don't care for being called a liar either but what I said is ABSOLUTELY the case and is very true. Believe it or not. I don't really care. I know what is true and I know what the deal is.

As to why to delete it? Because its my thread. I started it. And on any other forum I have ever been on, one had the ability to delete ones own threads. So by Friday, I will delete all my answers and just give up on this thread. Thank you to those that participated but this is at an end. I did, finally get some useful information so will leave it at that. Thanks


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama* 
Can you see how your first the bolded could make people think that you are saying she is fat?


> oye vey. i certainly did not come to that conclusion. to me it sounded like she was telling "us" the reader.
> 
> No one attacked you, no one said anything out of line, so why would a mod delete it for you? There is nothing here that is against the UA and it doesnt seem that you have shared personal information that could be dangerous to you IRL. One of the things that disappoints me about the forums recently is how many people seem to delete everything themselves or ask for something to be deleted just because it didnt go their way. Does not make sense, and is actually against the UA. Did you PM a mod, or did you just ask on the thread?


this is NOT good. i absolutely do not like this line of thinking. so just coz it helped others Rani has to give up her rights for the masses. i dont care if she has or hasnt given info IRL. its her absolute right to want HER OWN thread deleted. i personally think she has shared enough personal info that she doesnt want to be seen anymore. yes people change their mind. and they have a right to. i am sure she wouldnt have asked for thread deletion if her original post had not appeared quoted elsewhere.

people on this board have shared some intense personal issues which they change their minds about being public. i see this as one. but that doesnt matter. this is rani's thread and absolutely she has the right to ask for deletion. everyone has the right to ask for deletion and acted upon.

where i am concerned - if i was in rani's shoes, i would not want it up coz "I" would not want the chance of dd reading it. "I" would only do this if i was struggling to find an answer and needed help with that. the amount i share and talk about dd is just the tip of the iceburg. i dont say a LOT coz she doesnt want me talking about her in public.

so who owns the intellectual property rights of what one says at MDC? if its spelt out in the UA pardon my question. i havent read it in quite a while.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

It's the internet... and just because one thread is deleted does not mean it's gone. It's never gone. So for future reference all... don't put up something you don't want out there.

Sorry Rani if you were hurt by our comments. However I think quite a few of us found this helpful for our own situations. We need to remind ourselves that our daughters get their image issues through us and if we want to help them we need to find a healthy way to do it. I imagine that's what you were looking for. And the picking at your words did not help your search. Sorry.


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