# So Sad CIO story



## anasmommy (Oct 24, 2007)

I just have to tell someone this.
There is a woman at my work with a 10 month old dd. She is always telling me that I need to get my dd to sleep through the night. My dd still wakes 2-3 x's a night at 9 months. I don't mind. I am still co-sleeping etc. She has been telling me that she won't respond to her dd. She just ignores her







I keep saying that from what I understand babies need to eat all night, etc. Well this morning she comes in and tells me that her daughter went to the dr. yesterday and was diagonosed with failure to thrive. I can't believe she doesn't see the connection. I said flat out, maybe that's becuase you don't get her and feed her in the middle of the night. I swear it just went right by her. She started talking about how she doesn't like formula (to make matters worse she just weaned her from her one bm feeding in the evening). So her little girl lays there most nights (and she said she only sleeps all the way through a couple nights a week, so this is on going, not the 3 days CIO advocates suggest, it's an ongoing process I have been hearing about since September) It breaks my heart. I want to save her little girl.
The saddest thing is that she always talks about her need to sleep, not her daughters need to eat or be loved or comforted.
She is also feeding her jarred baby food and the baby doesn't like it, barely eats it. I suggested a plain avacado. Nope, too inconvienient, not pre packaged.
I don't think I can listen to her talk about her abusing her daughter anymore.
I just needed to vent. It's weighing heavy on me today. I think I need to cry a little for her.


----------



## Mama~Love (Dec 8, 2003)

That is just AWFUL. How is that not child neglect? That poor baby girl. I will cry for her; I really wish I could give herr BIG







's !


----------



## gargirl (Dec 30, 2006)

That is awful. The poor little girl.









It really is surprising that the mom is not making the connection between her lack of night time care with her child's failure to thrive. That is just so sad.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

WTH is the matter with people??







: I would have a hard time not telling her just what I think about her "parenting". That is just ridiculous, and it IS neglect. Poor sweet baby.


----------



## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

this is so horrible--unbelievable









so you're saying in addition to not eating overnight, the 10 m.o. has also been weaned off of an evening feeding? she does know she can't wean this child (even partially) without replacing those calories with something (like formula or cow's milk--she's probably almost "old enough" for cow's milk), right?

honestly, based on your post, i can't tell if she is being selfish or is just really, really uneducated about these things. maybe she is one of those who expect the baby to be like a mini-adult--and we don't eat at night (well, i guess most of us don't)









is there any kind of literature you can show her--studies or articles that talk about infant nutrition? or something that talks about failure to thrive and offers tips (which i'm guessing would include night nursing)?? i would really try to approach this from the standpoint of educating her. it seems like any decent person, if they knew better, would do better in this situation.

this post makes me so glad i don't CIO. DD (also almost 10 mo.) has been really slimming down for the past several months (not FTT, but just really getting thinner), and it really helps knowing that i've done everything i could to make sure she nurses all she needs.


----------



## forthebest (Jun 19, 2006)

This is beyond selfishness, I was still bfding through the night well after 1 yr old. My shoulders were in bits from having babe in my arms and I would fall asleep feeding, wake up with that crunchy shoulder thing going on, how can abandoning your baby to scream be parenting, it's barbaric and she must be observing the utter futility of those actions. Her baby is not getting enough milk not to mention how revolting and frightening for that babe to be left crying, unloved. How can this woman put her own needs before her baby's like that. Op, you could tell these people till you are blue in the face, they really do have their own agenda and that is me, me, me. Dreadful! Having read Readytobedone's post it seems like a very good idea to try and educate this woman about her baby needing calories all right.


----------



## anasmommy (Oct 24, 2007)

Any one have any links to articles I could give her?


----------



## Miss 1928 (Nov 12, 2007)

This is one of the reasons why I used to think people should have to obtain a permit or pass a rigorous test before having children. I guess sometimes I still think that way, and I may be horrid for thinking that way, but not as horrid as a Mamma _ignoring her childs cries for food and comfort_. Isn't that bordering on child abuse? Shocking! And deeply disturbing_. Especially_ since the ped diagnosed her with Failure to thrive.

I'm mad now. Hopefully BFing my DD will help calm me down. I suppose all I can do is selflessly love and care for my DD the best I can and try to send some good vibes to that poor baby.

But, you, Dear OP, Maybe the next time she comes to you to complain about her DD you could pass her a copy of Mothering Magazine, or some poignant articles and tell her that you'll be willing to talk to her about her DD after she's read them (and opened her eyes). Just a thought... (I know, easier said than done since one likes to tread lightly around those one works with, but still....)
Good luck to you!


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anasmommy* 
Any one have any links to articles I could give her?

Check out all of the links here, and pick which ones you like: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=624394 (IMO, the Dr. Sears one would be a good one to use because most mainstream parents know about the Sears')

Also, click on the family bed icon in my signature for an excellent article by Peggy O'Mara.


----------



## anasmommy (Oct 24, 2007)

Any one have any articles about how babies sometimes will receive most of their nutrition at night becuase they are so busy during the day?


----------



## blueridgewoman (Nov 19, 2001)

I believe there is one on kellymom done by an IBCLC.

You know, I will never understand women who are capable of doing this. We are BIOLOGICALLY programmed to respond to our children's cries and their needs. Hearing dd cry, even for a minute, sends stress hormones shooting through my body and I cannot focus on anything but getting to her and making it better. Honestly, it probably upsets me more than it upsets her.

In fact, this might be TMI, but I let down just reading that post.









It seems almost pathological to me that any mother could sit and let their child cry night after night.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

This might help... http://kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html

also, this is about the woman who owns that website, in case your co-worker is concerned about the credibility of the site...

Quote:

Kelly is an international board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), and a member of the International Lactation Consultant Association and the Florida Lactation Consultant Association.


----------



## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I am not advocating for CIO, but aren't you still supposed to make sure the kid is fed, dry and not sick before you let them cry to sleep? I thought it was to teach them to sleep, not to ignore other needs.


----------



## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anasmommy* 
I don't think I can listen to her talk about her abusing her daughter anymore.

Since she's gotten a DOCTOR to tell her her baby hasn't been getting enough to eat, I'd say this to her the next time she opened her mouth to me about parenting stuff. "I'm sorry, but I think you're abusing your daughter and I don't want to hear anymore. Your doctor told you your baby is starving and you still think your own sleep is more important."

Mind you, if this is someone you *have* to work with it might be better to go with "I'm sorry, can we stick to talking about work? Thanks."


----------



## Staciemao (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *readytobedone* 
maybe she is one of those who expect the baby to be like a mini-adult--and we don't eat at night (well, i guess most of us don't).

I eat at night sometimes! I'm breastfeeding my three month old and donating to twins, and I find that if I go more than five or six hours without food I am dizzy and nauseous and I lose too much weight. How long, exactly, is the ten month old whose only job is to GAIN weight supposed to go?

Your vent is welcome here...we are all as infuriated and upset as you are.


----------



## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Yeah, this DEFINATELY crosses into neglect. She is failing to thrive & mama withholds feedings? Not cool. I hope she listens to reason soon.


----------



## butterfly_mommy (Oct 22, 2007)

This is why infant/child development needs to be mandatory high school curriculum. I am sure if people understood how children grow and develop then they would make different parenting choices.


----------



## CalebsMome (Apr 25, 2007)

There was a line in that KellyMom article that says that babies wake in the night sometimes because they want more time with mom. Let me tell you, when I first started staying home/ working at home, DS started waking up and being really clingy. BUT I realized that after a year and a half of me working every day, he was afraid I was going go leave him. Now, he doesn't do this anymore. I have ALWAYS seen night waking as the baby wanting their mommy. I don't co-sleep as DS just wasn't into it, but I tell him every night that if he needs anything to call for mommy or daddy, and you know, he does.


----------



## AoifesMom (Sep 7, 2007)

This is so sad. My heart aches for the little girl. Makes me hug my chubby little 14 month old boob-aholic nurse all night daughter just a little tighter.


----------



## tammyswanson (Feb 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Since she's gotten a DOCTOR to tell her her baby hasn't been getting enough to eat, I'd say this to her the next time she opened her mouth to me about parenting stuff. "I'm sorry, but I think you're abusing your daughter and I don't want to hear anymore. Your doctor told you your baby is starving and you still think your own sleep is more important."

Mind you, if this is someone you *have* to work with it might be better to go with "I'm sorry, can we stick to talking about work? Thanks."

You could also tell her this, I've heard of doctors calling CPS on parents who have kids that aren't gaining weight. Then maybe she would start to feed her...


----------



## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tammyswanson* 
You could also tell her this, I've heard of doctors calling CPS on parents who have kids that aren't gaining weight. Then maybe she would start to feed her...









Oh, but they're not co-sleeping, so CPS isn't interested. (sarcasm alert)


----------



## mommy2anthony (Nov 22, 2007)

thats so sad...that poor baby girl


----------



## Septagram (Feb 8, 2008)

How horrible! I couldn't handle that.


----------



## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

poor lil baby. Not sure if I could irl, but I'd calmly state that what she is doing is tantamount to child neglect, give the reasons why, say she needs to sound off to someone else about her dd and walk away.


----------



## langyork (Dec 6, 2007)

I have been bullied around about not getting my baby to sleep.

She will nap 2 to 6 times a day. I can't and don't want to control it.

I'm tired of being told that I must.


----------



## langyork (Dec 6, 2007)

also, I wouldn't tell anyone you think it's abuse, even if you do, I do. because you will get slammed.


----------



## Shelsi (Apr 4, 2005)

I'm surprised the doctor didn't tell her to wake the baby at night to feed her. My best friend's dd had FTT (and yes she does CIO but not as horridly as your friend does...my friend at least makes sure they are fed, dry, etc) and her doctor told her they had to wake her every 3 hours at night and give her a bottle.


----------



## dawn1221 (Sep 27, 2006)

I have a so-called-friend who is in the same situation.

We have seriously drifted apart since the birth of her dd.

She is a partier. At 37 years old she still gets falling down drunk on a regular basis. Every weekend is a party. Either at her house or another party friends. She told me she was using Babywise because another party friend recommended it. I told her about all the cases of FTT and that it was dangerous to use that method.

She started sleep training and feeding only on schedule as soon as her DD was home from the hospital. Her DD now has FTT and she still wont wake her up at night to feed her. She wouldn't even consider a "dream feed" as a compromise.

Her excuse...

"DD needs to adapt to our lifestyle. We don't need to let a baby rule our life."

So now she gives formula and has to concentrate it to double what you would normally. And do Pedisure. And it isn't making a bit of difference. Her DD is still super tiny. And her doctor is telling her to FEED HER DD AT NIGHT.

The kid is lethargic and smaller than a 9 month old. She is a year and a half.

I can't be around it because I want to shake my friend. WTH is wrong with some people!?!?!


----------



## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

This story sounds very similar to a family member of mine. She stopped feeding the baby at night and started cutting out feedings. She was just plain lazy and selfish. In my books it was abuse and apparently CPS felt the same way because her daughter was taken away from her and given to another family member. She now has her back at 9 years old but she was living with another family member for a long time.

I seriously consider starving your baby abuse and I would say something. I wonder if her doctor told her that she needs to feed the baby?

That poor baby. I just want to swoop her up and nurse her.


----------

