# 11 Year Old Pretending to Nurse Baby Doll



## PoetryLover (Jan 8, 2009)

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, so Mods, please feel free to move it if necessary.

I've recently had a baby whom I'm nursing. I have 2 DSDs. A is 13 1/2 and M is 11. This is the first time they've been exposed to a mom nursing her baby. Both girls have begun puberty. M still enjoys playing with her baby dolls. I talk to the girls about how healthy breastmilk is for babies and how natural it is to nurse one's baby. I nurse their brother in their presence and try to normalize breastfeeding to the extent possible.

M sees me as a role model and has begun pretending to nurse her baby doll, which I think is great. She pulls the top of her shirt down and puts the baby doll to her breast, all the while being completely covered by a nursing cover. So no one sees any skin. Her sister "A" has a problem with this. At 13 1/2 A has never been exposed to nursing before me and finds a child pretending to nurse a baby doll to be weird. (A is comfortable with me nursing her brother, but feels that baby dolls should only be fed with toy bottles, not nursed, especially at M's age.) Meanwhile, M maintains that she is practicing to be a mom someday.

I talked to the girls about how breasts are sexualized in our society, but that they also perform the function of nourishing babies. We talked about how babies were nursed from the very beginning and that Mary nursed baby Jesus. (Both families are Christians. The girls were amazed that Mary nursed Jesus. They thought bottles and formula have been around FOREVER.)

I'm posting on this board because this is all new territory for me. I'm home with the girls all day while their dad works and I've been letting M pretend to nurse her dolls. After all, she is fully covered. Plus, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with a prepubescent child nursing her (or his) dolls. Her dad doesn't have a problem with it. M copies other things that I do, as well, such as comforting the baby when he cries and being responsive to the baby's needs. She also changes the baby doll's diaper. She pushes her baby in a stroller next to me when we go on family walks. In my opinion the attachment parent philosophy is a fine thing to teach a child. (The stroller is to keep the sun off the baby. I also wear him.) M's dad and I are so excited that she has expressed an interest in nursing someday, especially when it's so new to her.

But I really need to gather perspectives, especially pertaining to the puberty issue and pretending to nurse by pulling her shirt down, all the while keeping herself covered. I don't think it's that weird, but I'm pretty open-minded, and I don't want to do or say anything that could possibly be shaming or to make M feel weird about her body. I welcome all advice.

Thanks so much in advance.


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## Amatullah0 (Apr 7, 2009)

we have the same kind of mentality in my group of moms. I was suprised to hear all of them talking about how gross it is that kids copy nursing, or how they don't want their kids to do that, as if its bad or something. the odd thing is, they ALL have nursed their kids, for at least 6mo, some over a year, they were all nursed, and expect their kids(and daughters in law) to nurse their grandkids.

little boys, little girls, teenage boys, teenage girls, I would allow any of mine to nurse their baby dolls. I do find it a little weird that she actually moves her shirt, but, hey, its her baby doll! Let her play. Though, I probably would explain to my teenage boy that daddies don't usually feed their babies, and that mommies produce milk due to the hormones associated with birth.


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## Bokonon (Aug 29, 2009)

You know, it's so funny that it's even an issue, yet pretending to feed a doll a BOTTLE is no big deal.

My 5yo pretending to nurse his teddy bear a few months ago. I honestly have to say that it weirded me out at first, but he's just emulating the very normal thing that he sees every day. It's a loving and natural act for him, and I'm PROUD of that, even if I'm so jaded by society that I think it looks weird for him to do that!


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

oh so sweet! I think it's totally fine and normal for kiddos to mimic what adults do.


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## sdbeachy (Aug 14, 2009)

I think what M is doing is great. Shoot, if she's "nursing a baby," even for pretend, that's one time it should be socially acceptable to expose a breast, and if she's comfortable doing it, great.

I might focus more on A and talk with her about her discomfort with it. Not in a judging or shaming way, just ask her about what she's thinking and feeling, maybe talk about why it seems weird to her--use it to talk about how we can react when something makes us uncomfortable, how we can change our reactions if they're not truly what we believe (I've been reading Naomi Aldort!)--make sure she knows you will listen to her thoughts and opinions, even if you don't agree.

Incidentally, when I was a kid I used to play that my teddy bear was a baby--I would put him under my shirt and give birth to him (I remember pulling the feet out first once and my mom saying, "Oh no, he's breech!), and pull up my shirt and nurse him. I was younger, probably 3-6, but that was when my younger siblings were born. I do think it helped prepare me to have a natural home birth and breastfeed my baby. I think M is doing the same thing.


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## boobs4milk (Jun 25, 2006)

my 4 yr old goes up to strangers and asks them to feed their baby ninnies. even people without kids! she's a little breastfeeding advocate.

my 15 yr old is sorta ewww about it, but my 17 year old will flat tell people to mind their own damn business when they stare or comment on my bf. both of them saw me pumping for their little brother, and they both mimicked that behavior with bottles hooked up to their boobs. they were 6 and 3 at the time. when their sister was born, dd2 was 11 and she had her barbies breastfeed the babies.

they learn by imitation. my 4 yr old went down the baby doll aisle at walmart and a baby doll was crying. it had a bottle in it's package and so she gave it the bottle. the baby doll was still crying so she whipped out her ninny and nursed that baby doll right there in the aisle, still in the package. when she was done, the baby had stopped crying and she gently put it back on the shelf and said 'all she needed was some ninny.'

i was so proud! you should be proud that your dsd is mimicking such a loving behavior!


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

Well done for M, personally I think explaining all this to the kids is normal and giving A an idea of how things have been done all along through the ages, it may be interesting to look at it from a prehistoric time right through to this day - if you're looking for a 'education' theme, i wouldn't worry about M pulling her shirt down or anything, she's probably giving her peers an idea of how things should be - i think you're doing great and wouldn't worry about the exposure thing at all; she'll find the levels that she's comfortable with.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boobs4milk* 

They learn by imitation. my 4 yr old went down the baby doll aisle at walmart and a baby doll was crying. it had a bottle in it's package and so she gave it the bottle. the baby doll was still crying so she whipped out her ninny and nursed that baby doll right there in the aisle, still in the package. when she was done, the baby had stopped crying and she gently put it back on the shelf and said 'all she needed was some ninny.'

I think this is hysterical. My 7 yo grabs the breastpump and tells me she's pumping. I can't answer for the "modesty" aspect of an 11 yo, but I think breastfeeding gets a pass. I think it's sweet that she is still playing with dolls.

I think there is a lesson here, too in women (esp sisters) supporting each other and not tearing each other down. And THAT is a very Christian principle. I agree that talking with the older sister is a good approach - but generalize it to everything. How we can support each other and build each other, not make people feel bad. And you are doing a good job with the older sister in not shaming or judging her for her overall feelings about it all. Thirteen is such a hard age. I was really difficult at that age and absolutely hated my mother and everything she stood for.


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## smpayne (Oct 21, 2009)

Teenagers tend to get weirded out over just about anything anyway. She may even start getting upset because her sister is "still" playing with dolls. A is starting to get more "reality" based while her sister is still into pretending. Teenagers have a hard time accepting that those younger than them are not in the same place yet, especially when they are close in age.

I think you handled it wonderfully.


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