# Is this true? If so, how do we change it?



## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

Warning to single parents--this is about something that I heard that's especially offensive to single parents (I'm not single but it sure as heck offended me).

Two of my friends--one, a single mom, and the other raised by a single mom--said that in public schools across the country, a child with a single parent is labeled as having a dysfunctional family. Does anyone know if this is true? If it is, who do we talk to to try to change this? This really upsets me. Thanks.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

I don't know about anything in lower grades or other states or whatever, but I taught high school in NY state and we never labeled any child or home situation. It was only recorded with whom the child lived for emergency situations and who to contact about discussing academic or other relevant issues. There is no "big book" we pass our judgements in, no "right or wrong" family situations. We, as teachers in public school, realize that our students come from many different backgrounds and, frankly, we were happy with any adult that loved and cared for them. There are kids that live happily with grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends, and then even more difficult situations such as foster care, group homes, or even kids that are emancipated or homelss. We didn't think twice about single parents. We know that it is the presence of a stable, caring adult that is important for a child, not a marital situation. I would question my source for this information and if it proves to be true, would, I'm sure, cause quite a stir in the community.


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

Thank you for your response. I am glad to hear this...I will ask the women who told me this about it more. I just thought it was interesting because both women said they had this experience, and they are from two different states.

I hope you didn't think I was putting down teachers when I asked my question.


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

Well, i am sor of a social worker, and for every birth in the hospital, or WIC application, they use a screen to determine if a family is "at-risk" of being a child abuser......and on our checklist, being unmarried automatically puts you in the high-risk category. **blink, blink** If you "fail" the screen...(which they don't tell you about...they use the info from your chart/application and do it all behind your back!!!), then the nice hospital social worker/WIC worker kindly refers you for further assessment and referral to "appropriate parenting education resources". At which point, I get your name, address and phone number, plus details about your kids, life, etc, and call you to set up an appt to come to your house, supposedly to give you free things and make sure you are doing okay (which i do) but also to wheedle info out of you and score you on a child abuse risk sheet, and refer you to parenting programs/classes, counsleing, etc, if you score high enough.

(Note, the job isn't really that bad, it has its good points, which i did not discuss here, and we do a lot of good for some people, which is why i do it.....i was just portraying it in the ugliest possible terms in order to show you what really does go on behind your back!!)

Jess


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## grypx831 (May 22, 2005)

I've never heard of that and I taught in Indiana. The only "disfunctional families" where the ones that were OBVIOUS - single parent or otherwise


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## Starr (Mar 16, 2005)

That is so sad, I know some awesome single moms and dads, who function better than a two parent team.


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grypx831*
I've never heard of that and I taught in Indiana. The only "disfunctional families" where the ones that were OBVIOUS - single parent or otherwise


Sorry, sometimes I'm not as clear as i think i am! This has nothing to do with school, or teaching..it is a chuild abuse risk screen, and happens when a mom applies for WIC or gives birth in the hospital...it has bnothing to do with school, so you would not have known about it......Sorry for the confusion!
Jess


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Yeah, I was labeled "at risk" when Rain was born, although to be fair I think being single was only part of the reason... a social worker called a few days after she was born and set up a time to come over, and she came two or three times. She was actually very nice, said it was clear that we were 'well-bonded" and doing fine, and asked if I needed anything, like clothing or diapers. I knew right away that this was somehting "special" because I was considered at risk - they actually wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I talked to a shrink, because of my psychiatric history. On the other hand, I have no idea what my rights actually were, and I probably should have... it worked out okay, but I was young and naive (hard to imagine, right?







).

Dar


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## jaidymama (Jun 18, 2005)

In Montana, I heard there was talk in the legislature (I think) about that kind of label for single parents. I know my boss had talked at length about it, because the place where I worked is a child agency... caring for over 200 kids through group homes, shelter homes and foster care families. I worked specifically with the foster care program. In reference to the single parent being a higher risk category, my boss was saying if they were to add this to the category then that would mean single parents would be higher liablity if they were foster parents. So it seemed like here it was curtailed by the thought of adding the extra expense to that. As it stands, we have had good experience with single parents as foster parents. There was even a study done to document the strengths of a single parent being a foster parents... So as far as I'm concerned, more power to the single parents. And if someone thinks it's a higher risk for child abuse, they are misinformed. Plus I would think this is prejudice... why wouldn't they treat couples the same way?

To change it... I would think there would need to be some credible evidence as to the strengths that single parents have. Obviously couples will parent their children differently than singles, BUT that does not automatically indicate that one is better than the other. Both singles and couples have their strengths and weaknesses. For instance, it has been found here (In Missoula, MT) that single foster parents tend to have a better/stronger support network of family and friends.


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## lilsishomemade (Feb 12, 2005)

We moved around a lot while I was growing up, and my mom said that some schools wanted to know if we lived in a 'traditional' family or 'nontraditional'. Since my mom was remarried, we were labeled as dysfunctional by some schools, and others didn't give a hoot, as long as we lived with someone!! I graduated in '99, so I'm hoping the attitude has changed.


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## Dakota's Mom (Apr 8, 2003)

I'm a social worker myself. In my area if you are single, black and on medicaid, you and your new baby are automatically screened for possible drug use. If you are white, married and have private insurance you are not screened. Yet, on my job, I see just as many white, married drug addicts as I do single, black drug addicts. It's prejudice and it's wrong. But they do it by using these screening tools for "high risk". It's sad.

Kathi


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## janellesmommy (Jun 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bobandjess99*
but also to wheedle info out of you and score you on a child abuse risk sheet, and refer you to parenting programs/classes, counsleing, etc, if you score high enough.

I am curious as to what questions are on the risk sheet. Would you please share?


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## Seeking Refuge (Nov 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaley*
Warning to single parents--this is about something that I heard that's especially offensive to single parents (I'm not single but it sure as heck offended me).

Two of my friends--one, a single mom, and the other raised by a single mom--said that in public schools across the country, a child with a single parent is labeled as having a dysfunctional family. Does anyone know if this is true? If it is, who do we talk to to try to change this? This really upsets me. Thanks.


Yep, my kids have been red flagged since we moved here six years ago. I don't know that there is a way to change these types of perceptions.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i think this is a kind of societal thing where prejudices come thru. with some of the government agencies i can see the potential good of redflagging single moms to make sure they have enough help (i am hoping that is the reason why they were redflagged initially). u know single teen moms. i know when i gave birth while married - a nurse asked if i would have help for the first couple of weeks. if there would be someone in teh house 24/7 to help with other stuff and not baby. and i knew if i had said no i would have been red flagged if i had said i have no one to help me while xh was at work.


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## rozzie'sma (Jul 6, 2005)

I was red-flagged by the military Family support people when I had DD. They called several times trying to come over to my house to see if I needed help etc. I said no thanks. They eventually backed down. They said it was because I was newly married, poor, no family that I was flaggedd. I informed them I had been with my dh 4 years, although they said I was poor this is the most money I had ever had and was on easy street IMO. I declined WIC and get harassed about it every time I'm at the doc etc. Flagging flags me off.


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## Seeking Refuge (Nov 2, 2002)

Yeah we had that problem too. Dh and I lived together for a couple of years before we were married and I thought he was going to stuff the "Thanksgiving Gift Basket" down the school nurses throat.


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## Eggie (Aug 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janellesmommy*
I am curious as to what questions are on the risk sheet. Would you please share?

I'm curious too







:


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## sunnybear (Nov 18, 2004)

We're in the process of applying for Medicaid...I truly hope no one will try to come to our apartment... We have nothing to hide, but just the idea of that makes my skin crawl. We don't need anyone checking up on us.

I'm curious at the questions on the "risk sheet" as well. I often wonder if we'd be "flagged" just for our appearances, or veganism or anything else like that about us that's not "normal" to good ole' mainstream America.


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## Tupelo Honey (Mar 24, 2004)

I've taught HS and MS in Memphis for 8 years and I've never seen a child's family labeled. Many of the kids I teach and have taught live with a grandmother due to parental abandonment. But I've never seen or heard this or a single parent situation be given a label.


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## Mamid (Nov 7, 2002)

I just got the "why we're flagged" sheet from CPS here. I am not amused. I plan on writting a letter to the minister responsible for it and giving him what for and explaining that my DS is far too smart for his age and was able to get through CSA approved child safety devices when he was 16 months old.

We're so highly flagged that any report about us is an immediate investigation.

At least this time we seem to have a good social worker. He borrowed my Supernanny book, we've discussed a family recently on Nanny 911 and instead of dictating, is willing to help us arrange for what we need instead of demanding that we do XYZ.

I had to drop out of the "course" I was taking this week. Why? Well, several reasons, the least of which was unreliable daycare. I'm going to arrange for DS to go to a structure preschool because he needs more teachings than I can do for him.


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## mrs.felt (Sep 30, 2005)

just wanted to add (not school related) when i was in the hospital for the birth of my son, during admission they said i'd need to speak with a social worker because of my age before i could be discharged. ugh.







: never mind the fact that i'm married, have a 'normal' home life and never ASKED for the help. i was offended and politely refused the 'help' of the social worker. oh! also, they had the nerve to ask if my husband was the father. *blink, blink* i just stared blankly at the nurse for a second then rolled my eyes. (could you tell i was moody?)


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