# Do you judge when parents...



## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Do you judge when parents discipline in certain ways?
Not necessarily saying that you think they are bad parents, just that you think certain methods of discipline are wrong/shouldn't be used/etc.

Poll coming. I'm (hopefully) making it private and multiple choice. Pick as many as apply to you.

oh, and I'm meaning judge negatively in the poll.

eta- I'm a sucky poll maker!! sorry








I'm just curious about this. I know we talk a lot about how we feel it is ideal to discipline (which is different for all of us). But I'm thinking that many people here might not be very judgmental of people who discipline differently. not sure...


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

Not if they seem really stressed out, because I'm sure I don't sound like the best parent when I'm having a bad day, either. But when people are being really mean to their kids and hitting them or threatening to hit them, I do.


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## LianneM (May 26, 2004)

I'm not sure how to define "judge" but sometimes I feel sad. Like today at the park, the little boy didn't want to leave (he'd been having fun in the puddles and his mom said if he didn't stop playing in them, that they were leaving, so they did) and he kind of threw himself at her and hit her in the face. I was relieved that she didn't spank him right there, but then she yelled at him how bad he was for hitting her







:

Sure I think some things shouldn't be used, like hitting. I do not understand why people think it's ok to hit other (smaller) people







and I come from a spanking family, and I have to work really hard to overcome the seemingly automatic urge to hit sometimes, but I do it b/c hitting is just wrong.

I probably judge toward the good side when I see a parent using gentle discipline, and even smile or say something nice if it seems appropriate.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I didn't include "shame" because I didn't think that anyone would ever use that as a discipline method (meaning, that people only do it when they are super flustered). But then I realized that some parents might use it as a discipline method... hmmmm.

Oh, and I didn't add reward/bribe. oh well. lol


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## elizawill (Feb 11, 2007)

before i had children i was a nanny. i was so critical and so judgmental of parents. you know because i was a nanny expert and all.

NOT.THE. SAME. THING. i found out after i had kids, having children of my own and trying to produce kids "who will NEVER act that way" isn't so easy to follow through on









i don't judge anymore....unless i see a child who is really being abused...that breaks my heart and i want to adopt them. but people i know IRL are mostly good parents trying to do the very best they can with what they know. it's like the verse in the bible that says don't judge the speck in that person's eye when you have a telephone pole sticking out of your own.


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## HeidiAnn67 (Jun 12, 2007)

I'm not sure what you mean by "judge".

I do feel bad when parents I know use spanking as normal disiplinary tool.


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## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

I feel really sad to admit it, because I often get judged for my what people call "too permissive" style of parenting, but I know in my heart that I do judge. And if I denied it, that would be a lie. I totally judge mothers who spank their children regularly (not out of complete frustration, by accident), but consiously.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

I guess that my answer is that I try NOT to judge, usually, but sometimes its hard. I think that 99% of the time its best not to judge. That doesn't mean that I succeed in controlling my judgements as well as I think I should!

The situations where I have a hard time giving the benefit of the doubt usually involve fathers acting abusively, who do not really spend enough time parenting their kids to connect well with them or to use the excuse that they are burned out and need a break. With almost any mom, a stay-at-home dad, or a single parent -- its much easier for me to tell myself that they are stretched too thin and just need a break. But now and then I'll see a dad hitting or yelling, and it seems like they just feel entitled to act that way because they are in charge. That's when I start to feel judgmentalism creepy in. And yeah -- I realize that I'm making huge assumptions in these situations. I'm working on it.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

I don't often judge parents as in, "they are bad people and shouldn't have chidlren" (unless they are really endangering or seriously harming their child, and then honestly I can't help it, it's a knee-jerk reaction), but I do judge in a, "I wish I could help you see that's not working/ineffective/hurting your child and there's a better way" way, and it's usually directed at punitive/shaming parenting. It's not so much that I'm such a great parent, because I certainly make many mistakes and fall hsort of my ideals, I just wish that more parents knew what was developmentally appropriate and knew that there were gentle ways of handling situations...don't have to do it my way, but there is defintiely a better way, you know?


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

I find it hard not to judge parents who think it's ok to spank or shame their kids.

If they know it's wrong and are trying to do better, then I don't judge.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

I'm another who is not sure what you mean by the word, "judge." If you mean a value judgement, such as, "Those are terrible parents for doing that," I really try to avoid making such judgements about the parents. I don't always succeed, but when I fail at being non-judgemental, I know that there is something going on with ME that needs to be addressed.

If you mean judging the technique itself, then yes, I do judge techniques. I think spanking, for example, causes more harm than good. Same with all punitive techniques. But its kind of like looking at the toolbox and thinking, "Hmmmm a phillips head won't work here what might work better is a flathead" and NOT looking at the person and thinking, "hmmm that person is an idiot for using a phillips head."


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

I put "I don't judge at all-- parents can parent how they wish" but I should have put "other." I should have put "I TRY not to judge at all because I do not know what the person has gone through, if they are just having a bad day, etc." I do feel sad for the kids . . .but I feel sad for mine, too, sometimes. So, when I am sad, I am also remembering my bad moments.

I find judging to be a burden and try to free myself from that.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
But its kind of like looking at the toolbox and thinking, "Hmmmm a phillips head won't work here what might work better is a flathead" and NOT looking at the person and thinking, "hmmm that person is an idiot for using a phillips head."

But, there's no harm to anyone when you use the wrong kind of screwdriver--it's not morally wrong by anyone's standards. If someone is routinely hitting or shaming their child, they are hurting that child. When we all judge that as wrong, our society will be in a better place.


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## tanya1976 (Apr 12, 2007)

I may get miffed when the child isn't disciplined, or if the measure doesn't fit the situation.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

Spanking, shaming, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, watching your kid do something totally socially unnacceptable and doing nothing about it...it's hard not for me to judge. Everything else in between- you know, I have probably been there. My eldest is one of those kids who initially resists doing anything or going anywhere that's not his idea, but once he gets used to the idea of being there has fun. Sometimes I do get to the point of threatening a grounding just to get his butt off the sidewalk ( he's 10) but if you see him half an hour later you'd think I'm a great mom and he's a delightful child.


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## hempmama (Dec 16, 2004)

I judge as in "I think that's a bad idea, that poor kid" for spanking. I don't judge as harshly, but I definitely look askew/slightly suspiciously at 100% CL.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Yup, I judge.


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## rachellanigh (Aug 26, 2006)

I do have some friends I know who practice "corporeal punishment...spelling" (hitting, right?) and although I would never never never hit my kids I try not to judge them because they are doing what they know...my grandpa was an alcoholic and beat his kids (my mom) and my mom was abusive at times and because of that I am a better mom and will never hit. I think it can be a learned thing. I just pity that person and feel bad for the kids.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
I'm another who is not sure what you mean by the word, "judge." If you mean a value judgement, such as, "Those are terrible parents for doing that," I really try to avoid making such judgements about the parents. I don't always succeed, but when I fail at being non-judgemental, I know that there is something going on with ME that needs to be addressed.

If you mean judging the technique itself, then yes, I do judge techniques. I think spanking, for example, causes more harm than good. Same with all punitive techniques. But its kind of like looking at the toolbox and thinking, "Hmmmm a phillips head won't work here what might work better is a flathead" and NOT looking at the person and thinking, "hmmm that person is an idiot for using a phillips head."


Yeah, I was tring to say it as in, judging the method as wrong/bad/shouldn't be used. Not that they are bad parents.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deva33mommy* 
Yeah, I was tring to say it as in, judging the method as wrong/bad/shouldn't be used. Not that they are bad parents.

I voted "other", but since this is what you meant, then I guess I would say mostly yes. I sometimes think, "Whoa, that's not effective at all!"

I used to judge much, much more harshly, especially when I just had one child under age two. But I've learned that sometimes the very best you can do may seem pretty crappy to someone else. It's an ongoing struggle, some days are good, and some days are bad. And sometimes we're saying the right things and making the right calls, and sometimes, we're just not.


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## Terrilein (Jan 9, 2007)

I voted "I don't judge at all". IMHO parenting is a tough enough job without other people standing around and looking down on you for your parenting choices. What works with one child may not work with the next and you have to do what you need to do as a parent. I know parents who were able to GD one child, but had to resort to spanking with the next. As long as the parents are _parenting_, I don't sweat it. What I do judge are parents who don't parent, but rely on abuse, neglect or regular bribes to get their children to "behave", or who totally lack in consistency or any kind of consequences and thus totally and truly spoil their children.


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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Terrilein* 
I know parents who were able to GD one child, but had to resort to spanking with the next. As long as the parents are _parenting_, I don't sweat it.

I don't think any parent ever has to resort to spanking.


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## CaraNicole (Feb 28, 2007)

Your darn skippy I do and I'm not ashamed to admit it.


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## chicagomom (Dec 24, 2002)

Of course I make judgements. Actions are not value-neutral and we have laws.

I don't think parents ever need "resort" to spanking or harming their children. And having worked with child protective services cases before I know how damaging it can be when people see others harming their kids and "butt out" for whatever reason (including not wanting to "judge"). We have a responsibility to take care of each other.

I get angry when someone hurts someone else, ESP if it's someone smaller or more vulnerable than themselves and they are obviously exploiting that fact. I also get angry if I hear an adult berating or humiliating a child (or another adult, for that matter). If I'm allowed to judge a man for humiliating or hitting his wife, why would I not be allowed to do the same w/regard to children?

As for time outs and other kinds of disciplinary techniques, I might judge whether or not it was effective in the short and long-terms, and think something was or was not a good idea. Sometimes people get frustrated and overwhelmed and make bad choices, myself included. One of the things that helps us become better citizens, parents, and friends is precisely that judgement of others who indicate to us that what we are doing is unacceptable and we need to find an alternative.

But by judgement if you mean do I, in judging someone's actions to be horrific, find myself unable to feel compassion for that person or give them a second chance, no, unless it's a particularly heinous act. I try my hardest to see through to the person's humanity. Many times people who do horrible things to their children have deep hurts of their own, and although I might detest what they've done they are still deserving of compassion and love. Without it we cannot hope to change.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
I but I do judge in a, "I wish I could help you see that's not working/ineffective/hurting your child and there's a better way" way, and it's usually directed at punitive/shaming parenting.

Yes, me too.


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## rayo de sol (Sep 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chicagomom* 
I get angry when someone hurts someone else, ESP if it's someone smaller or more vulnerable than themselves and they are obviously exploiting that fact. I also get angry if I hear an adult berating or humiliating a child (or another adult, for that matter). If I'm allowed to judge a man for humiliating or hitting his wife, why would I not be allowed to do the same w/regard to children?









: Awesome post, chicagomom. I totally judge parents who spank or who otherwise humiliate or treat their children disrespectfully. And I feel justified in judging. Judgment can be a good thing, people. A lot of times, judgment is the right thing to do because we shouldn't just accept people mistreating each other.


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## Marcee (Jan 23, 2007)

If it is abuse I judge but in general I dont. I dont choose to spank but I have many family members that do. I try and model a better way, but I know they love their kids as much as I love mine. My brother for example was a spanker until about 6 mos ago... and then he just finally "got it" and has not spanked since. I never judged him when he told me about his spanking the kids but I would tell him "well this is what I would have done" (we have kids that are the same age) I just dont see judgement as helpful to others.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

I absolutely judge if I see or hear about people spanking their kids. It is never ok to hit a child. I also judge if I hear someone shaming their kids.


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## elizawill (Feb 11, 2007)




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## mowilli3 (Jan 7, 2007)

I judege when they discipline harshly and it's more for public consumption that in reaction to the kid's behavior. There's a lot of that where I live.


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## elizawill (Feb 11, 2007)




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## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

**


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

We are also requested not to engage with those posters who advocate physical punishment of children.

Pat


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

*Judging by the history of the posts... I would say that those who do advocate it, know exactly what the rules of this forum are and are here only to cause havoc. You're right, they are best not engaged with.

Peace*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WuWei* 
We are also requested not to engage with those posters who advocate physical punishment of children.

Pat


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## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

To bring this back to the topic of the OP, I do make judgments but I try not to judge other people, if that makes any sense. I do think spanking is harmful, for example, and I think that is making a judgment. I do think that some things certain family members do as parents are harmful or less-than-optimal, and that is making a judgment. But I don't think that parents who spank, or those parents in my family who do other things I consider harmful or less-than-optimal are bad parents. I might say that their parenting skills are poor, enaging in what I consider poor parenting practices, and I feel bad for their kids and do what I can to model and inform gently, but the parents aren't bad themselves. They may be misinformed, misguided, have different (but equally strong) beliefs-but they aren't bad people. This doesn't excuse what they do, it doesn't make it okay, but I just don't see them as bad-I don't judge _them_, I judge what they _do_. eta That I do try to remember that I don't have all the answers, I might be wrong, I've made plenty of mistakes myself, and that I haven't walked in another person's shoes.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sledg* 
To bring this back to the topic of the OP, I do make judgments but I try not to judge other people, if that makes any sense. I do think spanking is harmful, for example, and I think that is making a judgment.

Yeah, I started out with "do you judge parents who spank/etc" but changed it to "do you judge WHEN parents spank/etc"
I think it does make a difference, definitely.


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## GracesMama (Oct 24, 2006)

What about parents who yell at their children constantly? I feel bad for them because they were probably yelled at as children and know no other way...but I still don't like it!


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Well I think spanking and physical punishment is totally inappropriate. I don't agree with punitive/shaming time outs. I don't follow people around freaking out about it or anything though.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

More than anything, I just feel sad.

I try to smile at parents/kids. Life can be so hard. Parents who were neglected as kids often grow up with a hole in their heats, and most try to be 'good' parents, ime, but sometimes fall so short.

Often people don't have enough money for the good food they know their kids deserve, or have worries they think they are hiding from their kids, but in fact are yelling at their kids because they are stressed etc. Of course, even rich parents who can buy anything aren't always nice to their children. Who knows what is churning underneath the smiling facade?

I do think it's easier to do the organic snacks/mega patience/perfect carseat/$ cloth wrap (so you have the AP Look that others recognize) , and the who- cares -about -clothing - , & the I -don't -have- to- go-to-work-in- 30-minutes- to-support- us-so- I- can -wait-my- kid -out -for- hours -at- the -park Thangs etc when stress is reduced. Plus, if you have money to replace any clothing or shoes that get damaged (or don't mind taking your kid on a city bus looking ragged) , plus a healthy relationship with your partner, and you don't have to worry about neighbors who might call the police if your kid cries etc etc etc., all these Good Parent things are more within your grasp, both physically and emotionally.

I think there is so much we don't know about others. I wish all parents had enough money/tons of patience/support. If you are without worry about where the next rent payment will come from etc., all forms of parenting are probably just that much easier, and might get you through the market tri[ without losing your patience. I think that while even parents of means will sometimes (often?) fall short of MDC ideals, it's still easier if you aren't so stressed about basic physical or emotional needs.

It's also probably a big boost, mentally/emotionally, if you come from a well-nourshied, loving background, and casn call your mother on your cell for a figurative hug when you need one. Humans can overcome all sorts of childhood and adult adversity, and some do it better than others, but few do it perfectly all the time, and wow- isn' t there always an audience when we screw up. lol


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## wednesday2004 (May 22, 2005)

I judge people who spank or use coersive methods to discipline.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *warriorprincess* 
Spanking, shaming, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, watching your kid do something totally socially unnacceptable and doing nothing about it...it's hard not for me to judge.

I feel pretty much the same way. I hate to see spanking or shaming (telling the child they are no good/bad/not as good as Johnny next door), or doing NOTHING about a socially unacceptable behavior. I try not to judge, but those things really bother me.

I don't really care if parents use time outs or threaten with loss of privledges/grounding. I don't personally see that as harmful. I also don't see a problem if a parent removes a child physically (by carrying) when a child refuses to leave somewhere when its time to go. Sometimes you just have to go for whatever reason. If you only have an hour for the park, sometimes you can't stay for 6 hours like the child wants. I feel its better to go for the hour and then carry away a screaming toddler than to not go at all b/c you couldn't spend the entire day there.


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## Eaglevoice (Nov 30, 2004)

I try not to judge other people. I've made it a mission in my life to not judge others. But I have to say when it comes to parenting I have a hard time. Especially when it comes to parents using physical force and isolation. It's just so not right.


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## Magella (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
More than anything, I just feel sad.

I try to smile at parents/kids. Life can be so hard. Parents who were neglected as kids often grow up with a hole in their heats, and most try to be 'good' parents, ime, but sometimes fall so short.

Often people don't have enough money for the good food they know their kids deserve, or have worries they think they are hiding from their kids, but in fact are yelling at their kids because they are stressed etc. Of course, even rich parents who can buy anything aren't always nice to their children. Who knows what is churning underneath the smiling facade?

I do think it's easier to do the organic snacks/mega patience/perfect carseat/$ cloth wrap (so you have the AP Look that others recognize) , and the who- cares -about -clothing - , & the I -don't -have- to- go-to-work-in- 30-minutes- to-support- us-so- I- can -wait-my- kid -out -for- hours -at- the -park Thangs etc when stress is reduced. Plus, if you have money to replace any clothing or shoes that get damaged (or don't mind taking your kid on a city bus looking ragged) , plus a healthy relationship with your partner, and you don't have to worry about neighbors who might call the police if your kid cries etc etc etc., all these Good Parent things are more within your grasp, both physically and emotionally.

I think there is so much we don't know about others. I wish all parents had enough money/tons of patience/support. If you are without worry about where the next rent payment will come from etc., all forms of parenting are probably just that much easier, and might get you through the market tri[ without losing your patience. I think that while even parents of means will sometimes (often?) fall short of MDC ideals, it's still easier if you aren't so stressed about basic physical or emotional needs.

It's also probably a big boost, mentally/emotionally, if you come from a well-nourshied, loving background, and casn call your mother on your cell for a figurative hug when you need one. Humans can overcome all sorts of childhood and adult adversity, and some do it better than others, but few do it perfectly all the time, and wow- isn' t there always an audience when we screw up. lol

Very well said!


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Pretty much just spanking and really OTT shaming (eg, "You bad, naughty girl"). I have tsk-tsk thoughts about overuse of time-outs and bribes/privilege removals, but they aren't too extreme.

I was surprised to see so many people list coercion as something they judge for. Are we talking about things like physically removing a screaming child from a store? Man, if so, I guess I've been judged.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraxc* 

I was surprised to see so many people list coercion as something they judge for. Are we talking about things like physically removing a screaming child from a store? Man, if so, I guess I've been judged.


The bar just keeps getting higher and higher, kwim?


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraxc* 
I was surprised to see so many people list coercion as something they judge for. Are we talking about things like physically removing a screaming child from a store? Man, if so, I guess I've been judged.

That was what I meant, but I wonder if people misunderstood what I meant. The words "physical force" leave a different feeling than what I really meant, kwim?

If that's what people mean, I've been judged too! lol


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## karen1968 (Oct 2, 2006)

I've become friends of a sort with my across-the-street neighbor (we've lived here about 18 months). She has 2 kids, and has always seemed like a pretty good mom - understanding, listens to her kids, but sets limits and doesn't take too much flack from them. I was surprised and saddened the other day to hear her say that not only has she spanked her kids on ocassion (not TOO surprising - it sounded like a rare occurence) but she has washed her son's mouth with soap for talking back to her.







: I can't say too much, since I only have the one six-month-old DS, but I think my eyes about bugged out. I didn't realize people really did that anymore, at least not people I didn't think of as authoritarian.







: (so, it was because of this that I checked that I judge people who use physical coersion...)


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I only voted for the top one, spanking. I won't judge anyone for spanking but trying to stop, using time-out, using logical consequences (Legos left all over the floor = Legos being put away for a period of time).


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## CaraboosMama (Mar 31, 2005)

I would have a hard time being friends with someone who spanked (or frequent yelling, threatening, name calling other "violent" approaches)

Other than that, I try to model GD stuff in a non-preachy way & give advice if asked (and ONLY if asked). I can only parent my kids and HAVE only parented my kids so I can't really pass judgement on how to parent anyone else.


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## sonrisaa29 (Feb 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
More than anything, I just feel sad.

I try to smile at parents/kids. Life can be so hard. Parents who were neglected as kids often grow up with a hole in their heats, and most try to be 'good' parents, ime, but sometimes fall so short.

Often people don't have enough money for the good food they know their kids deserve, or have worries they think they are hiding from their kids, but in fact are yelling at their kids because they are stressed etc. Of course, even rich parents who can buy anything aren't always nice to their children. Who knows what is churning underneath the smiling facade?

I do think it's easier to do the organic snacks/mega patience/perfect carseat/$ cloth wrap (so you have the AP Look that others recognize) , and the who- cares -about -clothing - , & the I -don't -have- to- go-to-work-in- 30-minutes- to-support- us-so- I- can -wait-my- kid -out -for- hours -at- the -park Thangs etc when stress is reduced. Plus, if you have money to replace any clothing or shoes that get damaged (or don't mind taking your kid on a city bus looking ragged) , plus a healthy relationship with your partner, and you don't have to worry about neighbors who might call the police if your kid cries etc etc etc., all these Good Parent things are more within your grasp, both physically and emotionally.

I think there is so much we don't know about others. I wish all parents had enough money/tons of patience/support. If you are without worry about where the next rent payment will come from etc., all forms of parenting are probably just that much easier, and might get you through the market tri[ without losing your patience. I think that while even parents of means will sometimes (often?) fall short of MDC ideals, it's still easier if you aren't so stressed about basic physical or emotional needs.

It's also probably a big boost, mentally/emotionally, if you come from a well-nourshied, loving background, and casn call your mother on your cell for a figurative hug when you need one. Humans can overcome all sorts of childhood and adult adversity, and some do it better than others, but few do it perfectly all the time, and wow- isn' t there always an audience when we screw up. lol

What a superb way of putting it!


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

The way I judge is I'll see an action and right away I'll think whether or not it was appropriate. I do that with non-parenting relating issues as well. If I see another parent spank their kid then right away I start to feel negative emotions from what I've seen. I don't rush over to a stranger and chew them out or gasp "You horrible person!" or anything. Around people I know I am very open about the fact that our kids are never spanked. I think that letting people know that you can raise perfectly reasonable, well-mannered, sweet, happy, intelligent (etc! LOL) children without any violence needs to be modeled.


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## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
More than anything, I just feel sad.

I try to smile at parents/kids. Life can be so hard. Parents who were neglected as kids often grow up with a hole in their heats, and most try to be 'good' parents, ime, but sometimes fall so short.

Often people don't have enough money for the good food they know their kids deserve, or have worries they think they are hiding from their kids, but in fact are yelling at their kids because they are stressed etc. Of course, even rich parents who can buy anything aren't always nice to their children. Who knows what is churning underneath the smiling facade?

I do think it's easier to do the organic snacks/mega patience/perfect carseat/$ cloth wrap (so you have the AP Look that others recognize) , and the who- cares -about -clothing - , & the I -don't -have- to- go-to-work-in- 30-minutes- to-support- us-so- I- can -wait-my- kid -out -for- hours -at- the -park Thangs etc when stress is reduced. Plus, if you have money to replace any clothing or shoes that get damaged (or don't mind taking your kid on a city bus looking ragged) , plus a healthy relationship with your partner, and you don't have to worry about neighbors who might call the police if your kid cries etc etc etc., all these Good Parent things are more within your grasp, both physically and emotionally.

I think there is so much we don't know about others. I wish all parents had enough money/tons of patience/support. If you are without worry about where the next rent payment will come from etc., all forms of parenting are probably just that much easier, and might get you through the market tri[ without losing your patience. I think that while even parents of means will sometimes (often?) fall short of MDC ideals, it's still easier if you aren't so stressed about basic physical or emotional needs.

It's also probably a big boost, mentally/emotionally, if you come from a well-nourshied, loving background, and casn call your mother on your cell for a figurative hug when you need one. Humans can overcome all sorts of childhood and adult adversity, and some do it better than others, but few do it perfectly all the time, and wow- isn' t there always an audience when we screw up. lol









:


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

I don't judge but feel so annoyed when people count. To me it just means that the kid knows they can continue the unwanted behavior until mom gets to "3".


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

I haven't been on this board for SO long! I'm just reading through this whole thread...

I just wish everyone in the world was born to loving parents, who didn't spank or shame them. Had enough support and money to raise their kids comfortably.

We are well off financially, my parents live 10 minutes away, my husband works from home quite a bit and his out of the house is only like about noon or 1pm to 7 or earlier, my mom comes over every day after work, my dad comes to hang out for an hour every day around lunch time...

and I still sometimes want to sit in a corner and pull out all of my hair one by one









I think I am a fabulous mom. Somehow I stick with it and do very well in stress. Some people don't. I honestly don't know how people keep it together when they have no/little support/help at home!

I feel bad for parents who have a hard time, NOT the ones who resort to hitting their kids. The time outs and such I see a lot when out I think "oh, that is so dumb LOL," but I don't look at the kid like he/she is so ashamed to be alive or will never be the same again. I don't think everyone has someone to model good behaviour. Some people have never seen gentelness in their life. I don't agree with hitting, in any shape or form and yes I would judge that. I wish everyone had the means and the will to raise their kids gently though, I just don't think looking down on someone in public would achieve that (not to say that is what you are suggesting at all!)

before I had my second I didn't understand how in the world any mom could ever think having children was difficult. Boy was I wrong!


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## CountryMom2e (Apr 1, 2005)

I wish I was less judgmental (working on it







ray) but I do have a hard time with parents who spank or use physical punishment/restraint, as well as parents who are permissive. I give my kids a lot of room, even tho they are little, but I also expect them to follow our rules, and I try to be as consistent as possible.

I recognize that every family and every child is different, and I try to see others in that light. But I do have a tendency to judge - I think most of us do. It's hard to see a situation, or spend time with a family that has different values and/or methods than you.


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## MissSJ (Oct 23, 2005)

I chose: I don't judge, but I may feel sad for kids who are disciplined in certain ways

There are some things friends of mine do that surprise me when I find out but I don't judge them nor do I think they are terrible parents on the contrary I think they are loving parents doing what they know finding their own path in parenthood trying their best. (Obviously I am not friends with nor speaking of abusive parents.)

SJ


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