# I lost my perfect angel



## Mommy of Izzy (Aug 12, 2008)

It seems as though there are a few of us out there. It is strange, but I thought we were the only ones to go through such an awful tragedy.

It all started on June 3rd. I was at my monthly doctor's appointment for my unborn daughter, Isabelle. At this appointment, I was about 28 weeks along. My husband and I were so excited that we were going to peak deep in my tummy as it was my ultrasound appointment. I thought my daughter was getting so big, I could feel her kicking my ribs many times throughout the day. My doctor put the ultrasound wand to my tummy and remarked that I had entirely way to much amniotic fluid which concerned him. He called to Children's Hospital and told me that I needed to see them as soon as possible.

The next day, my husband and I went to Children's. Having no idea what to expect, they conducted a level two ultra sound. On that day, we found out that our daughter had a hole in her heart, known as a VSD, and a form of aikinesia, known as arthrogryposis (she couldn't move her extremities). The doctors performed a therapeutic amniocentesis removing two liters of fluid from me.

They ended up hospitalizing me for 10 days. Throughout these ten days, My husband and I felt as though we had been hit by a truck. We had no idea that our little Isabelle was sick. Test after test was performed. Her chromosomes came back normal. Every genetic test possible was performed, all coming back normal. I was prepared that our little girl would need surgery to fix her heart as well as many years of physical therapy for her arthrogryposis. We had no reason to believe that our little girl wouldn't survive. The doctors keep telling us that they wouldn't know the extent until they met her.

So, I went on bed rest. My due date was for August 20, 2008. I began bed rest as soon as I left the hospital. I had bi-weekly doctor appointments where they would run non stress tests and perform amniocenteses every 6 days or so - just to remove excess fluid. Bed rest was so difficult for me. I remember that I could feel my little girl hiccupping any time I ate or drank anything. From June 4 - July 6th I was basically in labor. I had 6 to 10 contractions an hour. I was on a medicine which was supposed to keep the contractions to a minimum. On July 6th, I was having a normal day. I got up from the couch to use the restroom. As I was finishing up, my water broke. And let me tell you, it broke. My husband could hear it in the kitchen. I was so scared. Isabelle wasn't supposed to come so early at 33 1/2 weeks. We rushed the hospital in 15 minutes. By the time I arrove, I was already dilated over a 5. They performed an emergency C Section. I remember hearing my little girl cry 3 times before they had to intebate her. She was 4 pounds and 9 ounces measuring 19 1/2 inches.

While I was recovering, a team of nurses from Children's Hospital was working on my little girl. I still had no idea that she wouldn't make it. The hospital was preparing to transfer myself and my daughter to Children's Hospital. I was so happy that my little girl was here. I was smiling and excited to meet her. Before they took me in the ambulance, I told them that I wanted the chance to see my daughter. They were all very busy working on her. I was able to talk to her and see the back of her head which was full of curly dark red hair.

Once we both arrove at Children's, I had about 15 minutes with her before she passed away. She was alive for 4 1/2 hours....her lungs were too small for her body. She couldn't get enough oxygen to her body. We had a chance to baptize her and my husband and I cried as she passed away in our arms. I was so blessed to have the chance to meet Isabelle. There was a company called "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" who took the most beautiful pictures of my daughter. I am so glad I have these memories to look back on.

Isabelle was such a fighter. I am so proud that I was able to meet her. She was so perfect and beautiful. She is my perfect angle. I spend a lot of time visiting her at her grave site. No parent should have to bury their child. Our life has changed so drastically. I miss her with every thought. There are days when I am better than others. Some day could be spent replaying every moment of these events in my head. Some days I can cry and cry. It is just hard to be so lonely and frustrated, without being able to change it. She didn't deserve this.

Some day, I hope to be able to help others who are in my position.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

i'm so sorry.


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## jennifer_lc1 (Sep 8, 2007)

i'm so very sorry mama.







isabelle


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.

















Isabelle


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## Delaney'sMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

I'm so very sorry.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss, Mama. I will be thinking of you..


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## Matilda_z (Dec 9, 2005)

I'm so sorry. Isabelle sounds like a beauiful little one. I'm glad that NILMDTS was able to give you memories.


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## Dalene (Apr 14, 2008)

Oh, mama, I'm so sorry to hear that your baby died. I'm glad that you have pictures of your sweet baby girl. Please feel free to share them if you like, when you are ready. I'll be thinking of you.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dalene* 
Oh, mama, I'm so sorry to hear that your baby died. I'm glad that you have pictures of your sweet baby girl. Please feel free to share them if you like, when you are ready. I'll be thinking of you.









:

I am so sorry.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

I'm so very sorry


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## MommyinMN (Oct 18, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss.








Mama


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

I'm so sorry.


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## jaclyn7 (Jun 9, 2005)

I am so sorry
















Izzy


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## Pookietooth (Jul 1, 2002)

to you mama. I am so sorry.


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## mommato5 (Feb 19, 2007)

I am so sorry!


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## gratefulbambina (Mar 20, 2005)

I'm so sorry


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## Broken Heart (Aug 10, 2008)

*Dear Mummy Of Isabelle

I am so sorry to read about the death of your beautiful little Isabelle.

You are right no parent should have to without their child, no parent.

I lost my little Louis in 2006 and even now the longing to have

him back is endless.

My thoughts are with you all they really are.

Fly free little Isabelle always and forever **********

Take good care of yourslef as Isabelle and many others wish this.

Sandra xx*


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

Oh no mama







I'm absolutely heartbroken for you. I too had a very strong baby who died & it just hurts so much to think about "what might have been" & "if only"

I'm so sorry you're here


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss of little Isabelle. I don't know why these things happen and I'm sorry that you now have to deal with all of the emotional and physical aftermath. (((HUGS))). It sounds like Isabelle was a fighter.


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## AlwaysAutumn (Jun 28, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss


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