# Best Parenting Advice You've Ever Received?



## Bluebird9 (Aug 5, 2008)

So we have a worst parenting advice thread, I thought people would like to share the best or funniest in a good way parenting advice they've ever received.


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## MamaChicken (Aug 21, 2006)

Best piece of advice? Focus more on loving and nurturing, less on what everyone else thinks is important!


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

I've got 2 -

From my sister: We are teaching our children how to be imperfect, not how to be perfect. So if you screw something up or don't behave well yourself, it is an excellent opportunity to model how to handle things.

From these boards: You can't really focus on "outcome-based parenting." Doing X thing to get Y results or avoid getting Y results. Because for everything thing an expert tells you to do, another expert tells you to do the opposite. All you can do is what is right, and correct and good in that moment.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

I can already tell this is going to be a great thread!


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

I'll have to think about what's the number one best parenting advice I've received, but I'll share the quote I have taped to my refrigerator door. It's attributed to Toni Morrison.

"Children find love or not in their caregivers' faces. What expression do you wear?"

Here's the expression I try to remember to wear:


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

"This too shall pass"


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## sdbeachy (Aug 14, 2009)

This is a Nel Noddings quote I've used more in teaching than in parenting (so far, since my son is only 6 months old), but I really like it: "Attribute to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts."

Actually, it works well in all human interactions if you replace "children" with "persons".


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## triscuitsmom (Jan 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sdbeachy* 
This is a Nel Noddings quote I've used more in teaching than in parenting (so far, since my son is only 6 months old), but I really like it: "Attribute to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts."

Actually, it works well in all human interactions if you replace "children" with "persons".

I love all of these, especially this one









Quote:


Originally Posted by *sebandg'smama* 
"This too shall pass"

This is said to me as needed by one of my dearest friends and it's good to remember.


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## Birdie B. (Jan 14, 2008)

I'll never forget this one: "To raise your child to be a good person, you must be a good person."

I take it to mean modeling the behavior you want from your children; you can tell them something 1000 times, but actions speak far louder than words.


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

After we found out about the hole in DS's heart, I was so worried about everything (him, what surgery was going to be like, how long we would be in the hospital, recovery, the fact that I couldn't plan for anything, etc etc) Anyway, I was talking to my wonderful MIL about it and she told me something that I find amazing.

She told me that when she was growing up, her mother worried about every. little. thing. And she (MIL) just decided she wasn't going to do that. She wasn't going to worry obsessively. So she told me that every time she found herself worrying about something, she would pray. She told me that she ended up worrying a lot less and praying a lot more.

(if you're not the praying type you could substitute some other calming action--like breath or meditate--for pray)


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

"All behavior is communication."
-Judith Bluestone (neuroscientist, author of several books, and founder of the HANDLE Institute)


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## mrsfussypants (Apr 10, 2007)

I tend to be a little paralyzed by fear that I'll screw up in this parenting business, like I'm not being AP enough or strict enough or whatever. So instead of parenting by instinct I overthink things and research and research and research instead of what's in my gut. It get ridiculous at times. So in this regard, the best advice anyone ever gave me was "Don't worry about it. If you find you did something wrong, you can always fix it later."


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## momtoS (Apr 12, 2006)

While pregnant my friend told me...if someone offers you help take it because they only offer for a short time. With a newborn if someone asks if they can do something....think of something. After about two weeks...if you are likely the offers disappear....


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

She won't be 2.5 forever (courtesy of my mom)

Parent the child you have, not the child you want (these boards)

Somewhere along the way, here or in a book, I read and figured out that this idea is true (at least with DD1 and me, we tend to butt heads): The more I talk about something, the more room DD believes there is for negotiation. She was very, very young when I started saying things like "This is not up for negotiation" about things I wasn't willing to get into fights over - like car seat safety, playing in the litter box.


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## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Let your monkey do it!
-Ina May Gaskin

("It's a short way of saying not to let your over-busy mind interfere with the ancient wisdom of your body," she writes in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.)

She's talking about birth, specifically, but i take it as parenting advice. if it feels wrong, it probably is.


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## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
"This is not up for negotiation" about things I wasn't willing to get into fights over.

that too. I got "this is a non-negotiable" from my mom over my more ridiculous childhood plots.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

My Mom told me that when you have a baby everybody & their sister will have an opinion or piece of advice for you. She said to nod & smile & then ignore them all & do what feels right.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

"Read your baby, not the book."

A friend told me that right before DS was born.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

When my first was 6 mos or so (before I discovered AP- even though that's essentially what I was doing) my grandma said "Children are never bad. Their behaviors may be less than ideal, but that doesn't mean they're bad."

It's simple, and along the lines of what most (if not all) of us are about.. but very worthwhile, IMO









She also told me that a martini will fix anything.. but that's another thread


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## Kismet_fw (Aug 7, 2009)

Some anthropologist or sociologist (or something) named Smith has a good quote that I take for advice:

"Those who sit at meals together are united for all social effects, those who do not eat together are aliens to one another, without fellowship in religion, and withough reciprocal social duties."

I posted it on my fridge door for a LONG time, especially when it seemed that the four members of my family never sat down to eat & talk together. They didn't complain when I started making special occasions to go out to dinner with them, just two or three of us, or all together. The "dates" continued even when the kids moved out, it keeps us doing more than just touching base by phone call every now and then.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

This is a fantastic thread. All of the previous posts are going into my "new best parenting advice" log. There is a really nice thing posted at my kids' pre-school that reads something to the effect of: "Each child is a complete version of herself at that stage. A two-year-old is not an incomplete three-year-old, a four-year-old is not an incomplete five-year-old, and so on."

It's worded a lot better than that but you all get the idea.


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

Enjoy your children when they are young. Take advantage of the times as youngsters when they want your attention and want to be with you. It seems to fade quickly as they get older.
--Kim, Kentucky

Do not be afraid to ask for help


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## innle (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
My Mom told me that when you have a baby everybody & their sister will have an opinion or piece of advice for you. She said to nod & smile & then ignore them all & do what feels right.

My mother says a similar thing - "No one knows 'better' how to raise a child than grandparents and people who don't have kids!"

She also says, "A little empathy, calmness, and common sense go a long way." That was her motto for parenting and she's passed it to me


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

"You're not raising a child, you're raising an adult." (A reminder to me to keep a long term view.)

Awesome thread!


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## William's Mom (Oct 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
My Mom told me that when you have a baby everybody & their sister will have an opinion or piece of advice for you. She said to nod & smile & then ignore them all & do what feels right.


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## lovemybubus (Oct 2, 2007)

Not to circumcise my son and never let anyone retract his foreskin.


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## Quinalla (May 23, 2005)

I have gotten this advice in various forms from several people in my life. I think it applies to life in general as well and I have always tried to live by it:

"Plan for the future and treasure the past, but don't wish away time now for some future date or wallow in past joys as you will miss out on the joys of the here and now!"


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## Pavlovs (Dec 25, 2007)

"Life is a journey, not a race."

That was someone's signature line on a message board I used to read. It reminds me not to push my kids too much (which I tend to do).


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## Harmony08 (Feb 4, 2009)

I am collecting these. I'm glad you started this thread.

"Everything changes; trust yourself"----from MDC (sorry I don't remember who you were..let me know if it is you!)

"Let love take care of the unknown"---can't remember again

"Savor it anyway"---Alicia Bayer (her website is magicalchildhood)

"Yeah, I know can't do it forever but I also know I don't have to"----my friend's Aunt to her pediatrician on waking up at night with her son.

"Here's to maddening kids, cheap wine, washable markers, pink hair spray, endless laundry, homemade bread, messes and meteors. The good and the bad and the magical... it's a package deal".~ Alicia Bayer


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## LauraLoo (Oct 9, 2006)

So many good ones!

"Don't let your anxieties become their anxieties." -- our pediatrician

"Will this matter tomorrow?" - unknown


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## Dera (Sep 9, 2008)

I LOVE "All behavior is communication." This is one of the most important things I can think of. Along the same lines, "Get to the root of the problem" for toddlers. For babies, stop looking at the clock.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

You can never spoil a baby.

Enjoy it while you can (regarding baby's wanting to be held all.the.time - b/c we all know they don't want to be held forever!)


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## neverdoingitagain (Mar 30, 2005)

I got two of the best pieces of advice from the same person.
-I was complaining about how the baby crying when I tried to hurry home to feed her. Her suggestion? "Well, then just stop and feed her"
Duh.








-I was again, complaining about how I have to get up all hours of the night to settle her back to sleep. She brought me a book to help with my baby's sleeping.
Dr.Sears "Nighttime parenting "
















I owe my transistion to attachment parenting/gentle discipline to her.


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

My mom said this to me a few years ago when I was going through a tough time with DD#1's behavior:

"When a child is at their worst is when they need your love and patience the most."

I try to think about this everytime I want to scream at the girls for misbehaving and it really helps me put things back into perspective.


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

you can never hold a baby to much


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

From my mother: "Never ask a two-year-old a yes-or-no question."

From my cousin: "If you watch TV, get a DVR."


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

From my mom (mostly before I ever had kids):

"If your body is designed with it/to do it, that's the way to go" That's paraphrased from numerous comments about the value of foreskins and breastmilk.

"You can't spoil a child with too much love/You can't spoil a baby."

"If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't."

"Kids get wet and dirty. They just do. You might as well enjoy it."

"He doesn't _need_ that stuff. He needs _you_."

"You don't need to be perfect at this - nobody is."

One of her friends once told me that she knew I'd be a good mom, because I don't sweat the small stuff. She didn't mean it as advice, but I did take it that way. For a variety of reasons, I do sweat the small stuff more than I used to, and it does have a negative impact on my parenting.

My ex-MIL:
"You just need to remember the important thing about kids. They're just small people."

Lots of random comments about the importance of love, hugs, fresh air, home-made food, and real interaction, as opposed to designer labels, fancy electronics and a show home.

And, an old friend (can't remember which one now...how odd) once told me that the _most_ important thing to remember about being "mommy" is that mommy is _me_. My kids needed me to be myself before anything else.


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## baglady (Jul 13, 2009)

Babies can't be spoiled.

Do what works best for your family and your baby.

This too shall pass.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Now I remember. Erma Bombeck, of all people, said that you should never, ever turn down a hug or a kiss. That is the one piece of advice I've really tried to follow.


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## ~pi (May 4, 2005)

"The days are long but the years are short."

It's the tagline to our family blog, and it really informs a lot of the decisions I make.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

The best parenting advice I ever recieved was in the form of a link.
It was around the time my DS was 18 months old. He started to have tantrums and we were really struggling. I had no idea what to do.
It was the *'Cry for Connection: A Fresh Approach to Tantrums'* article here on Mothering (though at that time, I didn't know there was a forum! hehe)

It completely changed my perspective and brought me back to where I wanted us to be. I always found 'AP' to be great for babies. But for some reason, once people no longer have 'babies', they tend to go much more mainstream. And in a world, where the way I choose to parent is an extreme minority - it is often hard to find your way and stay connected/attached when you do no longer have a baby. The challenges are circumstances change drastically. You are also no longer getting advice that you can just smile and nod at and then completely ignore - the 'advice' is much more personal and physical usually. That article helped me to find my path again to where we are now - which has a label here as 'consensual living'. It saved our lives - literally. I don't know what we would have done without it!


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## rainbringer (Dec 2, 2007)

What you focus on, you get more of.

From Becky Bailey in Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

*subbing*

What a great thread!

One thing I always remember, I read it somewhere either online or in a book...

Say yes as much as possible. Look for ways to turn "no" situations into something positive for the child.

Don't create a power struggle. (Very helpful with toddlers.)

I also often think of "Live, laugh, love" because sometimes you just have to laugh when everything is going wrong, love your child even when they aren't being exactly lovable in the moment, and remember that life is for living in the present, not dwelling on the past or constantly parenting for what your child will be in the future.


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## mama516/419 (Feb 15, 2009)

Thank God they're washable" - my mom

Do the reserch yourself - my cousins advice when I started freaking out over the experts constintly disagreeing and thank goodness I did or my baby boy would be missing his foreskin









How quickly we forget - inspires me to write down funny quotes . fill out baby books and take way to many pictures.

They won be ( BFing CSing and wearing diapers) in college -- reminds me not to rush them they'll figure it out when they're ment to

Great advice ladies


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Don't sweat the small stuff, and everything in moderation. Life was so stressful when I freaked out about her having a bite of something non organic. I remember a camping trip we did when she was 10 months old and I packed every single morsel of food for her for the whole weekend, even though there was a BBQ included on both nights. It was horrible, being stuck behind heating food up on a dinky stove that took forever, then having to clean all the dishes in a teeny tiny wash basin, while everyone was gathered around the fire across the way laughing and chatting. All because I wouldn't let her eat some non organic pork and some coleslaw. I cringe at how judgmental and superior I was, and am SO EMBARRASSED that I was "that parent" who was such an anal stick in the mud that my kid was too good for the TWO meals they served that weekend. Ack. The best advice I ever got was to NOT BE LIKE THAT.







I'm just bummed it took 2 years to figure it out, because her infancy was really stressful because I had to micromanage and over analyze _every, single, thing_. It was horrible. Relaxation has set me free!!

(Not that a 10 month would sit down and eat a plate of pork and coleslaw, but since I was so fricken anal I just cooked our own food instead of relaxing and letting her pick off my plate like I normally did.)


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## JennaW (Oct 11, 2007)

Not really advice that I received from a specific person but just learning as a parent over these past 14 months....

Do the absolute best you can for your baby/child and be satisfied and proud that you are giving your best (whatever that is) rather then dwelling in how so in so does it this way or how you need to be better.

Take a chill pill. Especially new first time moms. I was so judgmental and close minded when I first had DD. I had it in my head the "right" way to do things. And it is not really that those things have changed (I still believe BFing is best, support co-sleeping, no CIO, GD ect) but my perspective of people who don't choose to parent the way I do has changed. I mean honestly, I remember being at church and watching a Dad take out a bottle of formula and feeding it to a newborn and thinking just really judgmental things. I am so ashamed by those thoughts now, why couldn't I just be happy for the Dad that he had a new baby?

I guess in essence, be vigilant in your own personal life in upholding what is important to you but don't take it to a point where you hold everyone to your standard.

Also, give yourself permission to change your mind! I think sometimes we (especially as AP Moms) exhaust ourselves trying to do every single thing "right". If something isn't working for you, then change it.


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## 1stBabyAt39 (Dec 23, 2008)

"Don't listen to any advice!"









When I was pregnant, I was warned that I would be receiving a lot of unsolicited advice. Not only was it unsolicited, it was usually incorrect! Lately MIL has been trying to get us to give our 3 month old DD a bottle of water.







They also say we're going to spoil her by holding her when she cries. They are really old-school I guess! I just smile & ignore them.


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## Bluebird9 (Aug 5, 2008)

So glad I started this thread, keep it going, so much awesomeness, I'm collecting them also!


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

"The days are _long_ but the years are _short_" I think of this alllllll the time and it's so very true.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Oh and also...Watch what you say because you will often have to eat your words! I can't even count the number of times I've had to do so...

"Ohhh my kid would never be going in diapers still at that age, just take the diapers away how hard can it be?!" Errrr... fast forward a few years and I found out just how hard it IS.

"I can't believe she yells at her kids, I would never yell at mine like that" *coughs*

"That baby is way too old for a paci. I'm taking DS's away when he's 9 months" *cough cough*

"Can you believe how they let that baby sqwak at and whack at them? DS would never do that!" *facepalms*








fast forward five years...yeah...I'm not so high-and-mighty know-it-all-ish anymore.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

1. It won't kill the children if they get dirty.

2. The children will survive if they have to cry for a short while. (NOT CIO)

3. Parents need to make time for each other. Nurture your marriage.

4. Don't believe everything you read in books or on parenting message boards.

5. You can apply different parts of parenting philosophies to your life and pitch the rest.

6. MILS and moms don't know everything, even if they have raised many children.

7. Sometimes, parenting is trial and error. Go with your gut.

8. Moms need to take care of their own needs too. Don't let the baby keep
you from peeing, eating and showering, if that is what you *need*.


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## Bluebird9 (Aug 5, 2008)

bump


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## frontstreetmama (Jun 5, 2007)

*Sleep when the baby sleeps*

dishes and laundry can wait until later...


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## Carrie Posey (Jul 10, 2004)

"you'll never look back on this time and wish your house was cleaner!"


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

1. Count to 10 or 100 if need be when you think you're going to blow your top.
2. Find the humor in the madness.
3. Take time for yourself.
4. Listen to your heart and not all the advice you get.
5. Be flexible, because the moment you think you've got everything under control, something will change.
6. Don't beat yourself up if you make a mistake. You're human.


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## AnnaNova (Nov 2, 2008)

i was waiting for a docs visit when i was pregnant with my son and i was chatting with this older lady and i said that i was kinda nervous about the baby and birth and so on, and she sad
*
god will never give you more than you can handle*

(or whatever is your variation of god)

i try to remember that when things get tough


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## mckennasmomma (Sep 29, 2008)

I love this thread!

One of the best things I was told was that the baby will pick up on my stress and reflect it back. It has really helped me to address my stress levels and relax more, and hopefully in the process I can help teach my LO how to manage stress too.


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## Dajemadger (Jun 1, 2005)

from this blog
http://journeytocrunchville.wordpres...09/21/humbled/

"It is about the misconceptions I held about parenting and the false assumptions I made about what was mine and what wasn't. You can own every parenting theory book in the world (I think I almost do) and you can apply the best of the best methods but in the end the result isn't necessarily yours. The relationship between parent and child is just that, a relationship. It goes both ways. Just because your child behaves doesn't mean it is a direct result of your prowess as a mother and just because your child misbehaves doesn't mean that you don't have a clue about what you're doing (even though that is how I feel right now). In fact, defining what "misbehavior" is, is a debatable subject in and of itself. Raising Garrett has been an amazing way to humble me right down to the core of my being. Not only with his behavior but with the health issues and ongoing allergies that he struggles with. I've had to learn to let go of the outcome a little bit and to stop parenting out of fear that he's going to run loose with a bunch of gang bangers when he's a teenager and trust that he'll come around by example. I've had to force myself to see that actions and the example I set are more important than trying to conform my children to my will."

basically that I can't claim ownership of my children, their actions, their feelings, their behaviors, their health. Not completely. And therefore, i can let go of guilt. Fear. And I can just love them.

and also....of course....not to parent out of fear.

The most important advice for parenting, and really for life, to me, is if something isn't working...change your perspective.


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## fairymom (Sep 15, 2008)

best advice (fom my 1st crunchy mom friend) read this book

Natural Family Living

how i found my way here and knew how i was parenting was the best way.


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JennaW* 
Not really advice that I received from a specific person but just learning as a parent over these past 14 months....

Do the absolute best you can for your baby/child and be satisfied and proud that you are giving your best (whatever that is) rather then dwelling in how so in so does it this way or how you need to be better.

Take a chill pill. Especially new first time moms. I was so judgmental and close minded when I first had DD. I had it in my head the "right" way to do things. And it is not really that those things have changed (I still believe BFing is best, support co-sleeping, no CIO, GD ect) but my perspective of people who don't choose to parent the way I do has changed. I mean honestly, I remember being at church and watching a Dad take out a bottle of formula and feeding it to a newborn and thinking just really judgmental things. I am so ashamed by those thoughts now, why couldn't I just be happy for the Dad that he had a new baby?

I guess in essence, be vigilant in your own personal life in upholding what is important to you but don't take it to a point where you hold everyone to your standard.

Also, give yourself permission to change your mind! I think sometimes we (especially as AP Moms) exhaust ourselves trying to do every single thing "right". If something isn't working for you, then change it.

Can I tell you how grateful I am for this post? This is something that I have become very aware of in myself (the judgement of other parents). And I have really been working on it. Trying to look for wonderful things and positive intentions in other parents. It's so easy to fall into the trap of "us and them" "mainstream and AP" "BF and FF" "co sleeping and CIO." What I've noticed lately is that I had become so judgemental of anything even resembling non-AP parenting, that I'm limiting my own options. And this is just plain silly. So I appreciate this post... it's a lesson that I definitely feel like I'm in the middle of learning. Thank you for helping to reinforce it


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
My Mom told me that when you have a baby everybody & their sister will have an opinion or piece of advice for you. She said to nod & smile & then ignore them all & do what feels right.


My problem with this is that to some people what feels right is circing, cio, etc.


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## sewcool (Jan 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aprons_and_acorns* 
I'll have to think about what's the number one best parenting advice I've received, but I'll share the quote I have taped to my refrigerator door. It's attributed to Toni Morrison.

"Children find love or not in their caregivers' faces. What expression do you wear?"

Here's the expression I try to remember to wear:










THANK YOU i needed to hear that


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## SimplyRochelle (Feb 21, 2007)

I'm not a mommy yet, but I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread. I am a nanny 3 days a week for a 14 month old little boy and without having a year to learn, jumping in head first has been pretty interesting and it's definitely helped me shed some misconceptions and "know it all-ness" that I had previously. I think this thread will help me remember to smile more and love on him all he wants me to.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Irishmommy* 
My problem with this is that to some people what feels right is circing, cio, etc.

I wonder how true that is. I've only known a couple of people who did CIO, and it very obviously didn't feel right to them at all.


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## francie024 (Oct 23, 2007)

My aunt told me "no one does it perfectly." Any time I get stressed out, I think of what she said.

From these boards I have liked the "child centered parenting" tidbits. DD is 18 months, and I only have one parenting book. I have not even read it. I think if you just know your child intimately, and go by instinct, that is enough.

Every situation is different, and I'm the only person who knows my child well enough to decide what to do in any given case. I've done a lot of research on diet, and toys and such, but I just don't have the desire to read too much on parenting techniques. Sometimes I run into a trouble spot and this board is great for that, but I think the main reason I read this board is because I want to know that I am not the only "imperfect" parent out there. I read all the rants, and start to feel like maybe my situation is not so bad after all when I compare.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Advice I saw here on MDC (my paraphrasing from an article I wrote about it on my site):
When your child is driving you absolutely insane,
and you wish he'd just get with the program and act like a civilized human being,
and you're sick and tired of his getting in the way of all the very important things you need to get done,
and he's making the most aggravating noise you've ever heard,
and you're beginning to understand how it is some people throw a child against a wall,
and
and
and...
Just take a moment to really _look_ at your child and see how _small_ he is, how soft and fragile and new, how inexperienced in coping with the stresses of life. Why, just a few years ago, he didn't even exist! It's really not so surprising that a brief delay in his acquisition of raisins strikes him as a great tragedy, or that his feelings overwhelm his polite communication abilities. A problem that looks small to you looks very big to such a small person.

"Show. No. Fear."--my mom's advice on coping with tantrums and other demanding behavior. When my child freaks out, I feel afraid-that he'll hurt himself, that he'll hurt me, that people who see us will think I'm a bad parent, and most of all that if I force him to do something I'll damage him-but showing him my fear won't help either of us. He needs me to keep myself together and show that I know what to do in this situation that's freaking him. He also needs me to control my fear because fear leads to anger, and my getting angry isn't going to help, either.

My grandma said that one of the most important things she learned as a parent was this: Don't ask a child IF she wants to do something unless "no" is an acceptable answer. There's a big difference between "Would you like to take a bath now?" and "It's time for your bath." Adults tend to think that phrasing a request as a question is more polite, but to a literal-minded child it sounds like a question whose answer is up to her. That can be discomforting for a child. It gives the impression that the adult doesn't know what should happen and is looking to the child to direct the situation. When the child makes the "wrong" choice, and the adult is annoyed, the child can sense that she's "wrong" without understanding how or why. This doesn't mean that parents have to bark orders all the time! Just use a declarative statement instead of a question.

Several people--all of them men, some of them quite tough-guy types--have told me that the various choices and parenting strategies may make some difference, but in the end what it really comes down to is LOVE; if my son really knows and feels that his parents love him, he'll forgive us any mistakes and turn out okay.


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## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

"Tell me, I forget; Teach me, I remember; Involve me, I understand."

For me, understanding the why behind something is the cornerstone to learning it concretely. My son is the same way....as long as he understands the WHY?! of it then there's a better chance of it sticking.

My dad helped me understand this.

Which leads me to the second best advice my dad gave me: "Take a moment to answer the WHY's...it's will save time in the long run."










ETA: There are some REALLY good ones on this thread!


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## Birdie B. (Jan 14, 2008)

Just reading this thread fills me with love and deep happiness about being a parent...


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## steelmagnolia9 (May 4, 2009)

Fruit spoils, babies don't.

You know your child better than anyone else. You're the expert.

If you don't stand up for your child, who will?

and a quote I love:

"They may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel."


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## Bluebird9 (Aug 5, 2008)

I like this

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.
Diane Loomans


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carrie Posey* 
"you'll never look back on this time and wish your house was cleaner!"

THANK YOU!!!!! I'm going to write this on the refrigerator!! My BF is the cleanest person in the world, and I'm not exactly - so we're constantly fighting about cleaning the house when both of us would rather just be playing with Lincoln.

Actually, I think I might print out this whole thread and put it on the fridge. I really need this thread sometimes - it reminds me that parenting is fun too. Not just hard.


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## Altair (May 1, 2005)

2 things:

- from the very beginning, make your bedtime ritual something YOU enjoy doing, because you'll be doing a lot of it! (I love just laying in bed snuggling with him, so that's been our routine from the very beginning, no rocking, walking, bouncing, etc the vast majority of the time. Just laying side by side and staring into his eyes and telling him what a great boy/baby/kid/person he is. I swear all those moments with him as a newborn staring back like he was memorizing my face in the middle of the night was just love realized.)

- model your own breathing at 2 important times-- at bedtime (make your breath sound like you're asleep and baby will soon follow) and when there's a crisis/tantrum/stressful moment. Be the calm enter of the storm. Feel your blood pressure stay low and feel your heartbeat slow back to normal.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)




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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
When my first was 6 mos or so (before I discovered AP- even though that's essentially what I was doing) my grandma said "Children are never bad. Their behaviors may be less than ideal, but that doesn't mean they're bad."

It's simple, and along the lines of what most (if not all) of us are about.. but very worthwhile, IMO









She also told me that a martini will fix anything.. but that's another thread









my mom has always said something similar. she would never allow me or my lil sis to be called bad. she said we might do bad things sometimes, but we were not bad


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## IntrovertExtrovert (Mar 2, 2008)

Be flexible. Things don't always happen the way you want them to.

Unfortunately at the time I said "oh, sure, I know that," and I truly believed I was flexible. Then I gave birth.


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## buttercups.nest (Jul 2, 2009)

The best advice I think I've gotten came from our last LLL meeting....I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding my daughter so was quite anxious to attempt BFing my second child.

With my first, she was being syringe fed at feedings...I'd attempt to latch her, she wouldn't, so we'd end up syringe feeding her :s By the time we got home she'd scream bloody murder each time I brought her to my breast to feed. I was devastated. It was supposed to be easier than this! My husband had to go back to work shortly after coming home and doing the syringe, the tube, the nipple shield, plus holding the boob and the baby I didn't know what to do! So we moved onto the bottle....(I think thats how it goes....details are a little fuzzy :s)

Anyway I remember the day I gave up...full of screaming...red face holding her breath screaming...I felt like a horrible mom. I didn't know where to turn or who to go to for help so I quit. I still regret it to this day.

At the last LLL meeting the leader was telling of her friends situation. Her friend had had everything in the book go wrong...mastitis, plugged ducts, thrush, etc etc. Her friend said to 'NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR WORST DAY'.

My son is now almost 2 weeks old and that is something I have repeated to myself over and over again. It has been awesome encouragement and keeps me going!

As I move into the role of being a mother to two kids (I haven't really seen my daughter the last little while....lol she's spent a lot of time with family!) this is advice I will also be repeating to myself daily I'm sure. When DD is having a temper tantrum and the baby is crying its a reminder to me that it may be bad now, but don't give up and things will get better.


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)




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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

My dad told me once "Try to see things from their point of view as best you can. Even if you have to physically get down on the floor and crawl around to understand where they are coming from."

The most important thing he taught me wasn't so much said. He taught me the best thing you can do as a parent is to give what they need (emotionally) when they come looking for it even if they can't or won't tell you what the actual problem is. Eventually you'll figure it out or they will talk about it, until then just be there.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

The advice I give all new mothers is the same someone passed down to me.

Babies don't come with instruction manuals. They're all different. You will make mistakes, but don't worry, kids are resilient. Love them, holding them is not spoiling them, and you'll never regret it if you do what feels right.


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

After my first birth, three hours or so after the birth the assistant was due to leave (homebirth). I had the initial panic (OMG, they're leaving me with a baby I don't know what I'm doing--I hadn't even ever changed a diaper before), I was like "when do I..." last second babbling, etc.

She paused, told me "trust your instincts". That was it. I already read everything, but the core of what it's all about was this. And, I think with natural birth this works.


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## samstress (Feb 21, 2008)

these are great! keep 'em comin'.

this isn't advice i've received, but something i've just figured out in my 2 1/2 years of being a mama...

SLOW DOWN! i've learned to go at my daughter's pace rather than insist that she go at mine. yes, trips to the grocery store and folding the laundry take a bit longer than they normally would, but i enjoy every moment with her so much more when i stop and look at it from where she's standing (and she's thrilled to be doing just about anything with mama).


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## thedenverduo (Dec 8, 2008)

I love this thread! One piece of invaluable advice I received was:

"Let the baby adapt to you."

For me, this helps me to remember that ds is a part of our family. We don't need to stop being who we are just because we have a baby... he can just join us! I don't need to tiptoe around the house when he's sleeping... he can sleep just as well with a little noise. I don't need to panic about being home at a certain time so he can have a strict nap/sleep schedule... he'll be just as happy nursing to sleep/falling asleep wherever we are. I don't need to stop going on walks with dh, he can just come with us! I don't need to stop having a quiet hour to myself at the bookstore to unwind... dh is perfectly capable of taking ds for that long. Etc... I think sometimes it is easy for me to over-think things and this quote helps me remember that a healthy and happy mom and and a healthy and happy marriage are both really important to ds.


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## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

subbing


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## Kristine233 (Jul 15, 2003)

Believe it or not, the best parenting advice I got was from our first family Dr. He'd been our family Dr for 20 years and delivered 2 of my kids and was thier Dr until we moved. But as a nervous first time 18 year old mom he gave me lots of good advice.

Don't beat yourself up over things. Kids do get hurt and parents learn as they go. Just go with it. (scraped knees and falling while learning to walk etc)

Go with your gut. Parents know thier child better than anyone else. (which prompted me to feel like I was allowed and able to challange Drs when I didn't agree, he totally agreed with that)

Oh, and the smaller they are the more "stuff" they have. LMAO.

Needless to say, Jo was a Dr her first Halloween and her picture hung on thier picture board for years!


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