# Anyone let their toddler run around in stores?



## erinsmama (May 13, 2009)

I sometimes allow my 19 month old daughter to run around in stores when my husband is with us to watch her. If I am alone shopping with her, she doesn't leave the shopping cart.

I'm wondering if any other parents do this. I don't see many others her age running around & sometimes I wonder if we should allow this. Sometimes she does get a little crazy & runs really fast around the store. If my husband & I are there, she seems to expect to be able to do this.

Another concern I have is that, I feel she needs to learn how to follow me around the store & not the other way around. KWIM? How do I teach her this, or is there some point when she will understand this & actually follow me.

I'm thinking sometime when she wants out of the cart with both of us there, that we should use that as the opportunity to show her that she has to stay close, or put her back in the cart. It may take a while for her to learn & there may be tantrums involved, but do you think that is a good plan? Or do you think she's too young to understand that at this point? Tell me what you think!


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## kiwiva (Apr 17, 2006)

I don't let DD run around. I don't really think it's safe. They can so quickly dart and get into something they shouldn't or have someone crash into them with a cart or whatever. It's been easier for me to have the rule for shopping be the rule whether it's me, DH or both of us. No confusion about how she acts when. At that age though DD was still totally happy staying in the sling so it wasn't an issue at all.

My DD would have been too young to learn that lesson of following me. She's 2.5 now and capable of learning the lesson, but I still cannot trust her ability to control her impulse to dart. So I still spend a lot of time reminding her to stay right next to me or hold my hand (I usually don't shop with a cart).

I explain to DD in advance the expectation and remind a lot. So we discuss before the store that she carries the basket or holds my hand and we go over it often as she does otherwise. So yes, I think teaching her the lesson that if she wants to walk, she has to stay with you is a good lesson.


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## spmamma (Sep 2, 2007)

DD is 2 YO and we don't let her run around stores. Mostly, this is because it's not safe for her. She's fast and it would be very easy for someone to come around the corner in a shopping cart and run into her without even knowing she was coming because she's a short little toddler. It's also very easy for a small child to get away from you in a store, even if you're watching her closely - I'd never want my DD to disappear around a corner. I'd be in a panic!

Personally, I think 19 MO is a little young to understand that she needs to follow you around a store. They just want to explore at that age, so it will be very hard for her to stick by you once her eye catches on something exciting. It will come with time.

As for the tantrums, yeah it might happen, but she's a toddler so they're going to happen anyway. You can try to distract her with something to hold (a favorite box of cereal, etc.), by singing songs or acting silly. I also spent a fair amount of time wearing DD around stores, even while she was a young toddler, so that's always an option.

HTH!


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## tanyam926 (May 25, 2005)

nak

no, could get hurt or lost, i like my kids in the cart but am trying to teach them to stay by me now that they are older. my 6 yr old can do this fine but my 3 yr old drives me nuts w/playing in clothing racks, dissapearing, etc.

i think i will leave my older kids home next time i try to go shopping (other than grocery) bc i don't enjoy myself when i have to wrangle 3 kids.


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## ~ Wonderful Life ~ (Apr 14, 2009)

I do not let my LO's run around in stores. It's not safe and it is frustrating/annoying to the other shoppers and to the people that work there. I just don't think it's appropriate.

I expect my children to behave in public, age appropriate of course, and runing around is not good behavior IMO.

Besides, I never want to lose sight of my children in public, I start to panic extremely quickly.


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## My3guys (May 27, 2009)

Count me as another one who would not do this. It is dangerous for the child. People are pushing shopping carts and it is hard to see over them even if they are not filled to the brim. Plus, people are often looking at the shelves and not on the watch for little kids. Also, there are so many aisles and racks and nooks for a child to find and get lost in, I would be very worried about that. Finally, I just don't think it is fair to the other customers to have to deal with a toddler on the loose. What if they did, accidentally, hit her. That would be very distressing.


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## Morri (Nov 19, 2008)

We do let dd (17 months) run around in the store. I don't have any safety concerns and I think that she learns much more this way. She's not very fast and either me or dh is always right behind her. She loves looking at all the stuff there is to see. We are also able to teach her that if she picks something up she has to put it back where she got it. She's not making a mess and she's not in anybody's way. I'm not concerned about her learning to stay with us because she's still young. Actually, dd has a more reserved/ shy personality so I like giving her the chance to do things like run around a store because it helps her get out of her shell.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Morri* 
We do let dd (17 months) run around in the store. I don't have any safety concerns and I think that she learns much more this way. She's not very fast and either me or dh is always right behind her. She loves looking at all the stuff there is to see. We are also able to teach her that if she picks something up she has to put it back where she got it. She's not making a mess and she's not in anybody's way. I'm not concerned about her learning to stay with us because she's still young. Actually, dd has a more reserved/ shy personality so I like giving her the chance to do things like run around a store because it helps her get out of her shell.

This was my dd to a T at that age. We spent lots of time just hanging out at Target nearby where we lived then. She loved looking at the beads and arranging the plungers, LOL! I never worried about her running off because she wasn't a darter. Starting around age 2.5 she got to where she would follow with us or sit in the cart. Before that, she flat out refused to sit in a cart so dh would follow her while the I shopped.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

I'm ok with letting dd out of the cart or sling when she wants down and the store isn't crowded. She is 17 mos. She toddles around looking at stuff and smiles and says "Hi-eee!" to all the little old ladies. (She is creating quite the fan club) If she starts getting a little too "excited" I stick her back in the cart or sling. Sometimes she gets a little tantrumy but I usually carry a little bag-o-tricks with me and that'll difuse the situation.

If the store is crazy-busy though, she is definitely not running around.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Absolutely not. At that age, IF dh was with us I would let her walk- but she had to WALK and had to stay by daddy or hold his hand.

-Angela


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## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

No. My older kids walk holding onto the cart and my 2yo either rides in the seat or on my back. It's not safe for them to be running all over the place, even if someone is there to chase them. I know I have almost run over several little kids who darted out of an aisle in front of my cart. I agree with the PP that it is inconsiderate to the other shoppers and employees of the store. I don't think other shoppers/employees should have to worry about my kids running around infront of them. I certainly wouldn't run around the store so why wouldn't I teach my kids that it's not okay?

My kids are in a carrier or the cart/stroller until they are mature enough to walk beside me. My 2yo would love to get down and walk sometimes, but it's just not an option for us right now. He gets a choice between my back and the cart and that is generally good enough. Throw in the option of nursing in the sling and it's always good enough.


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## babymommy2 (May 14, 2009)

I don't allow it. My 3 year old will do it if given the chance. It is not safe as he can get away pretty quickly and I can't see him, other people aren't watching for him and could run into him (which they shouldn't be watching, it is not their responsibility to watch out for my child with their cart) and had a close call once where he ran pretty close to an elderly person with a cane. Can you imagine if he had bumped into him or startled him and he fell and broke a hip! Lots of seniors are unsteady and so easily could fall. He is in the cart/ stroller or holds my hand. When my children were younger and liked to wander, I would let them do that in the mall if I had time and they weren't running, I could follow them around. I think that is fine, but literally running around? No.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CottontailKate* 
Count me as another one who would not do this. It is dangerous for the child. People are pushing shopping carts and it is hard to see over them even if they are not filled to the brim. Plus, people are often looking at the shelves and not on the watch for little kids. Also, there are so many aisles and racks and nooks for a child to find and get lost in, I would be very worried about that. Finally, I just don't think it is fair to the other customers to have to deal with a toddler on the loose. What if they did, accidentally, hit her. That would be very distressing.


Pretty much this....you have to think about other shoppers too. It's not a private store. I feel that when my first was young, I didn't think of other people and thought everyone should be on the same page with me about my precious, sweet toddler...


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

I'm thinking there are two different trains of t hought going on here. Actual RUNNING around willy-nilly and walking near mama. I'm in the walking near mama camp.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
I'm thinking there are two different trains of t hought going on here. Actual RUNNING around willy-nilly and walking near mama. I'm in the walking near mama camp.

Yes. And there is a difference between quietly exploring with a parent watching and running around and tearing up things. My child would scream bloody murder until she was 2.5 if I ever put her in a shopping cart (or a sling!) so I felt it would be more considerate to others and interesting for dd if she had her freedom.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

No. Mine are both too big for carts now but I rarely let them out of the cart before about age 3. If they were walking calmly close to me, that is one thing. But running had a tendency to be their default speed. A small child running around in the store is just not safe -- they can get run into/over and they can also run into and topple others. Its also very easy for them to get too close to bottles and jars, leaving a wake of distruction behind them (ask me how I know this...)


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

I don't let my children run around a store. They could (and have) run into shelves, displays and other shoppers. They could also get lost.

I do let them walk with me. First while holding my hand, then with increasing amounts of freedom as long as they stay close.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

we allow them to roam, but discourage running except for play at the park and other places.


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## annanicole (Dec 18, 2007)

I let my son run between my husband and I in the store, like he would walk with me until we saw Daddy then he would run to him. He was never out of my site, but yeah I didn't put him in the cart. He hates the cart. Now if he wasn't listening or staying near us, then he went into the cart no questions asked.

It made going to the store fun for him, each trip was an adventure. He and I would play peak through shelves and so forth. now at 2.5 he stays with me pretty well, i need to remind him of this at times. But he listens well for the most part.

And the lesson about putting things back. Neil is very good at that. If we go look at things and he picsk something up when I ask him to put it back he is normally very compliant in response.


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## txbikegrrl (Jul 20, 2006)

DS loved riding in the cart until now at 25 months. Now he will NOT get in now matter what I do. He likes to walk next to me but will run a little bit ahead and smile sometimes. I stay very close and if he gets too far ahead or out of control I hold him and explain he needs to walk next to me holding my hand so kind of a time out for him then he calms down. He wants to hold one of those little baskets and carry whatever I pick out. I guess he just wants to be a big boy...


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

My DD won't listen well enough in the store to just follow me. She runs, runs into other people and just creates chaos. She is getting better, but usually she ends up in the cart because of her non-listening. She's almost 3 and at 19 months there is NO way I would have tried to let her follow me. She was even more all over the place, I almost got one of those leash back pack things because she was sooooo fast and would be gone. Her energy level is about a 20 on a scale of 10, so the focus required to follow and do it well aren't quite there. If I have a free hand she is much better, she will now hold hands, which is a marked improvement over last year. I stopped taking her to any public markets or anything like that for the fear of her getting run over because she'd drop my hand and dart.

I guess you are lucky to have a LO that stays by, my DD needs to RUN all. the. time. Some kids are mellow, mine is not.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I let them walk only if they can stay right by an adult, otherwise they go in the cart. DD2 is 2.5y and well, she is 2 obviously, and acts like it! I rarely take her for long shopping trips anymore, she doesn't want to ride and wants to run all over the place which I don't allow. Many a time I end up leaving her in the car with DH while I go in with another child or two.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

It depends on several factors:

1) What kind of store is involved.
2) What kind of shopping trip is it? (Quick, get what we need and go vs. time to browse.)
3) If it's a big store, where in the store are we?

If it's the proverbial china shop, the no, I won't let him run around.

If it's a toy store, I'm more likely to say yes. Especially if there's an area that we can stay put and watch him as he wanders around.

If we just need to pick up one-five things and then get out of there, we'll usually carry him.

If we have time to browse, then we can go at more of a toddler pace.

If it's a big box store, we'll mix it up. DS can wander in the toy section, he can't wander in the chemical's or tools section. One of us monitors him constantly. Often, I'll let him wander around the front of the store while DH is checking out.

When DS is on his feet at the store, we'll usually use his teddy bear leash. Then it's a combination of letting him lead some, and making him stay with us some.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

I let my kids out within reason. It really is a case by case basis. They run around if there are no people in the area. When people come near I have them stay close or they go in the cart. I figure it is age appropriate to want to burn off some energy. We try to walk a fine line. That being said- I try to get them to stay in the cart as much as possible- makes life so much easier.


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## aran (Feb 9, 2005)

Mine run sometimes. Not with me, but when a large store is fairly empty (common around here these days), or in the mall, my kids definitely run with my DH or FIL. We use it to get their energy out on bad weather days. Of course we use judgment about safety, the proximity of other people, etc. We've been doing it for four years without anyone complaining to us about it, and no adverse events (knock on wood).


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## Breastisbest2008 (Jun 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
I'm thinking there are two different trains of t hought going on here. Actual RUNNING around willy-nilly and walking near mama. I'm in the walking near mama camp.

I'm with this.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *erinsmama* 
I sometimes allow my 19 month old daughter to run around in stores when my husband is with us to watch her. If I am alone shopping with her, she doesn't leave the shopping cart.

I'm wondering if any other parents do this. I don't see many others her age running around & sometimes I wonder if we should allow this. Sometimes she does get a little crazy & runs really fast around the store. If my husband & I are there, she seems to expect to be able to do this.

Another concern I have is that, I feel she needs to learn how to follow me around the store & not the other way around. KWIM? How do I teach her this, or is there some point when she will understand this & actually follow me.

I'm thinking sometime when she wants out of the cart with both of us there, that we should use that as the opportunity to show her that she has to stay close, or put her back in the cart. It may take a while for her to learn & there may be tantrums involved, but do you think that is a good plan? Or do you think she's too young to understand that at this point? Tell me what you think!

It really doesn't sound like you are letting her "run around' in the way I imagined reading your title. I was thinking darting out in front of carts, playing dodge ball with produce, being separated by three aisles from you. My daughter is 2.5 and she knows how to wriggle out of the cart. If I put her down she bolts, takes stuff off shelves, puts random food we weren't planning to buy into the bottom of the cart and acts like a toddler. When the store is not busy I will let her down with the caveat that she walk, stay with mommy, etc. Her incentive is usually that she can look at the lobsters while I get meats. She knows that if she can't see me I can't see her, but she gets to the point where she doesn't care. She goes back in the cart. If she screams, stands up etc. we leave. Much more of a punishment for me than her, but I can't deal with it and that's the best solution. If I had an adult helper I'd give more leeway because dh could follow her around and redirect unacceptable behaviors. But if dh and I were both free to take two kids to the grocery store the easiest thing for everyone is for him to just stay home with them!


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I prefer that dd ride in the stroller but at this age she tends to pitch a fit and struggle to get down. So I let her wander around. She isn't running around at top speed like a maniac, tripping people and slamming into displays. She toddles around clutching her baby doll and does her own shopping and if she makes any messes I clean them up before we go.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *erinsmama* 
I sometimes allow my 19 month old daughter to run around in stores when my husband is with us to watch her. If I am alone shopping with her, she doesn't leave the shopping cart.

I'm wondering if any other parents do this. I don't see many others her age running around & sometimes I wonder if we should allow this. Sometimes she does get a little crazy & runs really fast around the store. If my husband & I are there, she seems to expect to be able to do this.

Another concern I have is that, I feel she needs to learn how to follow me around the store & not the other way around. KWIM? How do I teach her this, or is there some point when she will understand this & actually follow me.

I'm thinking sometime when she wants out of the cart with both of us there, that we should use that as the opportunity to show her that she has to stay close, or put her back in the cart. It may take a while for her to learn & there may be tantrums involved, but do you think that is a good plan? Or do you think she's too young to understand that at this point? Tell me what you think!

Don't let her run in the store if you want to teach her to walk with you and/ or stay with the cart. You are giving her conflicting expectations. Consistency is the key. 19 months isn't too young to get that if she wants out of the cart, she must walk with you. If she can't, she goes back in the cart. And it will take time for her to get this as you now have to untrain her from running in the store first. And running in the store is rude behavior from anyone. Not to mention that it's dangerous, not only to her but to the other customers, employees, and the merchandise.


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## sewingmommy (Apr 21, 2007)

I do not let my children run around the store .....Just recently we were out at a store and ds2 was in a stroller and a little girl ran into him...and was running so fast she hit the stroller so hard it tipped over ...thankfully I had a good grip on it at the time and was able to keep him from hitting his head


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

I don't mind them calmly walking next to me rather than being in the cart, but I don't let them run around in stores. dd2 is a darter, and she doesn't pay attention to things around her. She could very easily get hurt or break something.


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## Porcelain Interior (Feb 8, 2008)

No, mostly because I find it really irritating when I'm shopping to have people's kids zooming and weaving and dodging me while I'm attempting to shop.

I don't say anything, but I find it rather maddening when the parent is just shopping and doing their thing while their kids are all over the place.

It's not very courteous.

My husband once or twice let our youngest do it and I got really angry. All the time I'd spent teaching about "holding a hand" "stay by mommy" went out the window. The store was a race track. Hahaha wheeeee!!!!!!!

I had to educate him.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

when I read "run around" I don't picture an actually running child. I don't think that's what she meant. I imagined roaming toddler.


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## barefootmama0709 (Jun 25, 2009)

We do no let ODS run around the store because he behaves in a way that I would find obnoxious if it was someone else's child doing it. I don't want him to be regarded as a nuisance (nor do I want to be "that mom") so he goes in the cart or in the Ergo on my back. He is 20 months and very energetic and curious so he would get into all kinds of mischief if allowed to roam!


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

actual running, no. But walking along with us, even slightly aheah, yes.

I prefer to have my 2 yo in the Ergo or in the front of the shopping cart b/c it's easier for me... But, there are times when he can be out and walking -- especially if I only have him and one other kid, or even better, just him. Most of the time, however, it's the entire family at the store together. With four kids, the more that are contained, the better - especially the younger 2.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

DS (23 mos) likes to walk next to me and the cart. He does well with staying close by, but he's an observant, slow-to-warm-up child so I do not worry too myc about him darting or running away from me. I'd probably feel differently if he had a different tempermant. I only let him do this on shorter shopping trips. If I'm doing a whole grocery order he stays in the cart, mostly for the sake of time and my sanity.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

No. People don't always pay attention and a running toddler is bound to get hit with a shopping cart. Or knock a display down on themselves.

My toddler rides it the cart or holds dh's hand if we're all there. My older son walks beside the cart, but the rule for him is to hold onto the cart in the parking lot. It just takes some consistency to teach them, but she may well not like that now that she's been allowed to run.


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

I didn't, but then XH never ever ever went shopping with us when I had to small ones, nor did he ever stay home with them while I went. I don't know how I got so lucky, but my kids didn't realize that "down" was an option in the grocery store until they were about 5.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

If you literally mean "run" as in running, then no I wouldn't do that. It's dangerous. But I did allow dd to walk around with dh following her to make sure she didn't have or cause trouble when she was a toddler.


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

I didn't really want to set a precedent of ds walking around in stores when he was that age. I felt it was more appropriate (and, I admit, less crazy-making for me) if he rode in the cart. I had the same safety concerns as other posters. And I didn't want a tantrum every time I needed him to ride in the cart.

There were a couple of exceptions: we sometimes visit Ikea just for an outing, not for shopping, and he was free to run around there, since it's not busy during the week and there were no carts to hit him anyway. And there is one grocery store near us that has kid-sized carts, and we used to take him there to buy a few things as an outing, and he would push the cart himself.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
No. People don't always pay attention and a running toddler is bound to get hit with a shopping cart. Or knock a display down on themselves.

I once saw a child hide inside of a clothing rack and shake it until it fell on top of him. I know that's a little bit different than a child bumping into a display, but it still shows that store displays aren't necessarily the safest things in the world.


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

Depends on the store and whether or not DH is with me.

Also, DS is never really "running" around... he did do that once in a Children's Place because DH was playing some sort of monster game with him, but we won't be doing that again. It's too dangerous and too obnoxious to other customers.

In the grocery store, he walks beside me or "pushes" the cart and helps put whatever item into the cart.

At Target, usually I do the actual shopping while DH and DS wander about. DS isn't really RUNNING, but he does choose where to go and what to look at and we're fine with that. He can entertain himself looking at vacuums for half an hour, so... great. But if he starts running off, we call him back and ask him to slow down or take our hand and show us what he wants to see.


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

We kept the kids in the cart or in a sling up until they were 3 or so. IMO, if you let them out of the cart once, they will very soon be out of the cart for good. LOL There was no in between with us, and the kids couldn't ( and I dont expect them to) understand why I would allow something sometimes but not other times. I think it sends mixed signals. Also, when they were old enough to walk beside me, they were also old enough to know to stay beside me and not go running down the aisles.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Haven't read all the replies but my answer is a strong no. I worked at Wal Mart for 2 years and not only did kids running around get lost pretty quickly but they also tended to climb on or under or in things and get hurt or there were times they'd trip up those trying to walk around including the elderly. It's not only a danger to the kids but also to some adults.


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
when I read "run around" I don't picture an actually running child. I don't think that's what she meant. I imagined roaming toddler.


This is exactly what I thought the OP meant, too.
And yes, I do let my dd roam the store at her own pace, be running or walking if her dad is with us and wants to follow her around. It's our consensual agreement that works for us. I have no worries about her tipping over displays or what have you, she just likes to wander around and having her daddy pretend to be chasing her. She could not would not get away from us and my husband would not allow her to get in other people's way any more than anyone else does at the grocery store.
But that said I mostly prefer to leave them both at home!

To the OP, I think you should just do what works for your family and not worry about other's opinion of it, that is if it is working, if it's not then just change it!


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

no not really. i might let dd get down and walk or check something out in an empty aisle or something, but she would definitely go crazy if i just let her run!


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## aran (Feb 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sisteeesmama* 
This is exactly what I thought the OP meant, too.
And yes, I do let my dd roam the store at her own pace, be running or walking if her dad is with us and wants to follow her around. It's our consensual agreement that works for us. I have no worries about her tipping over displays or what have you, she just likes to wander around and having her daddy pretend to be chasing her. She could not would not get away from us and my husband would not allow her to get in other people's way any more than anyone else does at the grocery store.
But that said I mostly prefer to leave them both at home!

To the OP, I think you should just do what works for your family and not worry about other's opinion of it, that is if it is working, if it's not then just change it!











This is what I was trying to say as well. Running doesn't have to mean irritating or endangering anyone!


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Snuzzmom* 
Depends on the store and whether or not DH is with me.

Also, DS is never really "running" around... he did do that once in a Children's Place because DH was playing some sort of monster game with him, but we won't be doing that again. It's too dangerous and too obnoxious to other customers.

In the grocery store, he walks beside me or "pushes" the cart and helps put whatever item into the cart.

At Target, usually I do the actual shopping while DH and DS wander about. DS isn't really RUNNING, but he does choose where to go and what to look at and we're fine with that. He can entertain himself looking at vacuums for half an hour, so... great. But if he starts running off, we call him back and ask him to slow down or take our hand and show us what he wants to see.

Yes to all of this!


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## Bug-a-Boo's Mama (Jan 15, 2008)

Nope, never let K run around the store. When I was little, I was with my babysitter and another child she babysat (maybe it was her daughter?). The little girl and I were playing/running around. She ran into the corner of one of the tall mirrored square poles department store used to have, sometimes still do. It was pretty bad. I have also hit my arm enough times on various racks to know how much it hurts. So from the getting hurt aspect alone I wouldn't allow it. But also, I don't view the store as a place to run around in. That's why we go to parks. But he can walk around holding our hand or now that he is a bit older, walking next to us.


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## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

In general I prefer to let my kids be a part of the shopping trip. They stay in the cart for a while, but often they will get out. I don't let them run, but they can walk and stay near me. They love to help and take turns putting things in the cart. My particularly active 5 year old gets a little overstimulated in stores (and then gets hyper) so I generally ask him to carry something heavy. That keeps him 'grounded' and helps prevent him from running. He can't help the need to run/touch everything/spin in circles so it is up to me to come up with ways to prevent that need.

The toddler needs more direction right now so I do spend a lot of time helping her to not run and teaching her to stay close. But that is my job, to TEACH her how to behave in stores so when she gets older (like her 3 older siblings) she will know what good store manners are. I don't allow her to run as it is dangerous with all the carts and people, but she is free to walk and explore as long as she is close by.

That said, I am realistic. I never go to more than 2 stores in a day. I try to make sure everyone is well fed, well rested, and in a frame of mind where they can handle a shopping excursion. I only go to stores with shopping carts (my 8 yo is ASD and gets overwhelmed in stores so he NEEDS to ride in the cart). And if we are having a day where *I* am lacking the patience necessary to shop alone with 4 young kids then I strike a deal with them to stay in the cart (except the 5 year old who needs to keep moving). If we get through the trip well we will have enough time for a really great treat after (or whatever).

Whatever works for a particular family is fine as long as everyone is safe. I often see kids tearing up and down aisles which I don't think is a good idea. My now 5 year old has done that and he did nearly knock down an elderly lady. I felt horrible (as did he). RUNNING isn't a good idea, but walking and exploring is fine


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

My kids are older now, but at that age, if we were in a large, wide-open store without many breakables or product, I would let the kids run around for awhile, but watching them like a hawk. For example, the mattress store, or the furniture outlet. But in the everyday Targets and groceries, no way. First of all, both my kids were (and still are) runners, so I'd spend my time chasing after them instead of shopping. Also, I did worry about disturbing other shoppers. I didn't want them to get hit with a cart or bump into someone. Or God forbid, trip an elderly person as a pp mentioned above.

DH and I own a chain of Health Food Stores, so you can imagine the amount of product on our shelves. Rows and rows and rows of little bottles, some glass. We have parents come in that do let their toddlers walk through the store and honestly, it's maddening. First of all, we have a kid space set up for the little ones. Toys, table/chairs, crayons, pretend cash register, etc. And we have fairly small stores so the area can be seen pretty well from everywhere. But kids often take things off the shelf, sometimes they bump into a shelf and a bottle falls and breaks. Even when the parents are trying to help put things back, they often put the product in the wrong spot (not seeing exactly where is was pulled from) and it reeks havoc on finding things for other customers and then reordering. We also had a toddler try to climb up one of our produce bins and break it. He wasn't hurt thank God, but we had never even considered this a hazard. I'm know the mom didn't "let" her son do it, but he did it when he was out of her sight for just a moment.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kiwiva* 
I don't let DD run around. I don't really think it's safe. They can so quickly dart and get into something they shouldn't or have someone crash into them with a cart or whatever.

When my son was a toddler, I was shopping (with him in the cart) when I was turning the corner and a small child, about 2 years old, ran right into the side/corner of the cart. Her Mother cussed me out for "running over her baby" and I watched the child's forhead develope a giant, brused know on it. And I was being careful, moving the cart slowly, very aware that there were children running around in the store. It's simply not safe. Accidents happen in a blink of an eye,


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## kirstenb (Oct 4, 2007)

No, I don't let DS run around. I know he would be getting into everything he shouldn't be and getting in other people's way. He is allowed out of the cart if he stays next to me and walks nicely. If he runs off, he goes back into the cart. He likes to stay out of the cart so he is learning that he needs to stay by me in order to do so.


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sisteeesmama* 
And yes, I do let my dd roam the store at her own pace, be running or walking if her dad is with us and wants to follow her around. It's our consensual agreement that works for us. I have no worries about her tipping over displays or what have you, she just likes to wander around and having her daddy pretend to be chasing her.


See, I can appreciate your view here, totally. But from my experience, even the kids being closely watched can cause accidents or get hurt. What if dad was chasing her, she turned around to look at him, wasn't watching where she was going, and ran into a display, or got hit in the head by someone's cart? Again, I appreciate the consensual agreement you have with her (







) but as a retail store owner, I've seen bad things happen to kids who were being closely supervised.


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## averlee (Apr 10, 2009)

You know, I do let my daughter run wild in stores. We go to the same stores all the time and people know us. Our bookstore for example, I used to let her crawl around there, a few paces behind her, let her go around corners & peek at me, shriek & giggle. Once I let her take every bottle of elmer's glue off a shelf at a party & craft store, she lined them all up on the floor, then we put them back. But, when we seem to be bothering people, or things are getting too much for me to keep up with, I scoop her up and carry her. If she won't be carried nicely, I sometimes end up shopping quickly with a tantruming kid under my arm. (I do this as cheerfully as possible while pretending everything is perfectly normal.)


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamatoablessing* 
See, I can appreciate your view here, totally. But from my experience, even the kids being closely watched can cause accidents or get hurt. What if dad was chasing her, she turned around to look at him, wasn't watching where she was going, and ran into a display, or got hit in the head by someone's cart? Again, I appreciate the consensual agreement you have with her (







) but as a retail store owner, I've seen bad things happen to kids who were being closely supervised.

But haven't you also seen accidents involving adults? I know I've walked into stuff before by just looking in another direction. (What can I say? I'm clumsy







)


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## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

I don't let either of my children run around the store (they're almost 6 and 3). I feel that it's a danger to others as well as themselves. They're pretty fast, especially if I'm preoccupied with picking out apples or what have you and it wouldn't take them long to be out of eyesight and at the mercy of whoever they happen across. And while they're both pretty tall for their ages they are still short and many people don't see them until they've practically tripped over them. I personally don't like tripping over other people's kids who are running around a store willy nilly so I don't think others should have to put up with that with mine. Especially since we often go shopping in the morning when it seems that older people are generally at the store and they aren't as agile. Even if my DH was with us they still would not be allowed to run all over the place, I don't feel it's fair to them to have different rules for different people. If they want to walk they can but if they can't stay by me or the cart then they need to get back into the cart. A store is not a play place and I will not let them treat it as such. If they need to run and explore then they can do it at the park or another place that is more geared to that.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamatoablessing* 
See, I can appreciate your view here, totally. But from my experience, even the kids being closely watched can cause accidents or get hurt. What if dad was chasing her, she turned around to look at him, wasn't watching where she was going, and ran into a display, or got hit in the head by someone's cart? Again, I appreciate the consensual agreement you have with her (







) but as a retail store owner, I've seen bad things happen to kids who were being closely supervised.











Furthermore even just allowing them to roam can be an issue as when people are shopping they really aren't paying attention to the littles around.

For us shopping is a time we use our indoor voices and stay close to mom and/or dad. There are other places to roam and run around and after working in a huge store shopping just isn't the time or the place, IMO.


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
But haven't you also seen accidents involving adults? I know I've walked into stuff before by just looking in another direction. (What can I say? I'm clumsy







)

Actually, no.







I guess I'd never thought of it that way though. So from that perspective, you're right. It could happen to anyone. But I have definitely seen accidents (and destruction of my products) involving little ones. See my previous post about the toddler scaling one of my produce bins.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
But haven't you also seen accidents involving adults? I know I've walked into stuff before by just looking in another direction. (What can I say? I'm clumsy







)

All the more reason to keep your kids close by. Adults often times just aren't paying attention while shopping.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamatoablessing* 
Actually, no.







I guess I'd never thought of it that way though. So from that perspective, you're right. It could happen to anyone. But I have definitely seen accidents (and destruction of my products) involving little ones. See my previous post about the toddler scaling one of my produce bins.









Ah yes, I did see that post. That would be unofortunate. But that would probably be more of an instance where proper supervision was not applied.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *magstphil* 
All the more reason to keep your kids close by. Adults often times just aren't paying attention while shopping.

Yup, I agree. I mentioned previously that I was a fan of walking near mama, not free range running around.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
Ah yes, I did see that post. That would be unofortunate. But that would probably be more of an instance where proper supervision was not applied.

You'd be amazed at what can happen when one looks away for a literal second, ykwim? If your child is 15 feet away from you and goes to pull on some shelving you could be looking right at them and saying "no don't!" and that whole display could go down on them before you get there. It really can happen in the blink of an eye.

Stores aren't child proof though they do have safety standards it's pretty impossible to make them child proof. They are also a place where people are focusing on the task at hand and little else.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *magstphil* 
You'd be amazed at what can happen when one looks away for a literal second, ykwim? If your child is 15 feet away from you and goes to pull on some shelving you could be looking right at them and saying "no don't!" and that whole display could go down on them before you get there. It really can happen in the blink of an eye.

Stores aren't child proof though they do have safety standards it's pretty impossible to make them child proof. They are also a place where people are focusing on the task at hand and little else.

I wasn't picturing 15 feet being near me. When dd and I are out, she is free to walk beside me within arm's reach. That's my version of "near".


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
I wasn't picturing 15 feet being near me. When dd and I are out, she is free to walk beside me within arm's reach. That's my version of "near".

Sorry I wasn't talking directly to you. I quoted you because it was the comment that brought it to mind ("where proper supervision was not applied") but really I am just thinking "out loud"









I agree with you!


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I don't let any of my children run around the store. They can walk next to the cart, hold the cart or get in the cart.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *magstphil* 
Sorry I wasn't talking directly to you. I quoted you because it was the comment that brought it to mind ("where proper supervision was not applied") but really I am just thinking "out loud"









I agree with you!









Aha!


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## txbikegrrl (Jul 20, 2006)

It's interesting that so many give their LOs much more freedom than I do at home but way less when out in public. Then again DS is much better behaved when we are out and about because he is interested in (distracted by) all the people.

We let DS "run" a little ahead but within arms length and he knows not to go too fast we tell him to slow down if he doesn't it's cart time. We only go when it is not crowded for all of our sanity and he needs to stay in the very middle of the isle so he should not crash into any carts coming around the corner. If he starts getting crazy like wanting to grab stuff off the shelves it's cart time. He responds very well to these limits. It would be easier if he would just stay in the cart but he yells "too big" when we encourage it. He will ride in the cars at the grocery store I hate those big carts but he loves it because we don't have one of those push cars at home.


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## tjjazzy (Jan 18, 2007)

nope. from the very start, they sit in the cart and they stay there. it makes my life so much easier. DH learned that lesson the hard way. sometimes DS1 gets to walk around the store now that he's 3.5 but most times, he chooses to sit in the cart.


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## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

No we don't let Hunter run around in the store. Its dangerous and he'd probably knock things off the shelf.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Probably some would judge me in a store. I do what works for myself and my children, and I provide limits and supervision. I am not perfect, but mostly it works out.

My kids have special needs, so I know a lot of folks judge us already, but we have to make adaptations in our lives to help them manage. We try not to take our kids shopping too much, but sometimes it is impossible to avoid it...and honestly, I know it is good practice for them.

My kids may walk in the store if they are holding onto the cart (or basket). I try to involve them in shopping or pushing the cart (with my help), which gives them something to focus on and means they are far less likely to start sensory-seeking screaming (which is deafening and can happen in an instant if I am not vigilant in providing them with a multitude of sensory inputs...which in the store includes opportunities to interact with their environment).

I sometimes send them ahead, further down an aisle, to find a food with which they are familiar. dd's walk, due to her special needs, is closer to a run, but if she is purposefully and truly running or if she is not being careful or courteous of others, then I treat it as true running. Occassionally this happens...they run inappropriately, which often results in time within the cart followed by a re-try later.

If nobody is in an aisle we are in, and the store is not crowded (so it is unlikely folks will be joining us in the aisle), I do let my kids run up and down the aisle or push the cart around a bit if they watch where they are going and don't go to the end of the aisle (in case anyone turns into the aisle with their cart). They know that this is a "special occassions" thing and they have to ask permission from me first.

We re-cart if and when necessary, if behavior takes a turn for the downside.

Occassionally folks have to slow down and wait patiently for a minute while my kids get some yogurt out of the dairy shelf, yes, but I slow down and wait patiently also while a woman, my elder, does the same just as slowly for mobility limitations. It's a give and take, interacting in this intergenerational world full of people with diverse needs and challenges.

Kids are growing, learning human beings, and the best way for them to learn is through hands-on experiences. By shopping outside of the cart, they learn and practice a variety of life skills, including but not limited to:

*Safety: following me closely, staying on the correct side of the aisle for traffic flow, watching carefully for carts and people as well as other hazards, etc.

*Patience: waiting in cue to get something off the shelf when someone else is getting something, or to make purchases.

*Courtesies: saying excuse me as needed, using words like please and thank you, not pushing the cart too close to others, letting others pass as needed, and so forth.

I say do what works best for your family, but just make sure to provide appropriate limits and supervision.


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## 2goingon2 (Feb 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LuxPerpetua* 
Yes. And there is a difference between quietly exploring with a parent watching and running around and tearing up things. My child would scream bloody murder until she was 2.5 if I ever put her in a shopping cart (or a sling!) so I felt it would be more considerate to others and interesting for dd if she had her freedom.

Good point. My husband is usually with us in the store and he is the one who will let our 21 month old out of the cart. He is the most patient man I've ever known and he will follow our son around the entire time. Me - not so much. I'm not that patient and don't want to chase him plus I'm the one with the list so I push the cart. We live out and it takes us a while to get into town so by the time we are in the store and our son is out of his car seat...he's ready to move. Makes for a happier kid than one whining in the cart but that's just us. Of course when I'm alone then he stays in the cart but that is rare these days because I have a 5 month old too so it's either my husband with us or my two older children who help tremendously.


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## IntrovertExtrovert (Mar 2, 2008)

From the age that he was interested in it, I would let him walk next to me in the store or push the kid-cart if the store has one. But the rules are always:
1) stick with me
2) walk
3) ask mama before touching anything (this one we're still working on even now)

I wouldn't let him walk off away from me because:
1) he likes to run and would likely either accidentally run in front of someone and get hurt, or accidentally run in front of someone and trip the other person.
2) I like to know what things he has taken off the shelf and need to be put back


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## amynbebes (Aug 28, 2008)

No and quite honestly it has as much to do with me being able to think straight as it does with the other reasons mentioned here.


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## busymama77 (Jun 16, 2009)

It's gotten to the point where I can hardly take DS (3.5 years old) anywhere with me that doesn't have a shopping cart in the store. We were at Kohl's last week and he ran off - couldn't find him for 2 mins - felt like an eternity. I quickly finished up, checked out, had a very stern talk with him and we went home.

I'm hoping things change when the baby comes!


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## IntrovertExtrovert (Mar 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *busymama77* 
It's gotten to the point where I can hardly take DS (3.5 years old) anywhere with me that doesn't have a shopping cart in the store. We were at Kohl's last week and he ran off - couldn't find him for 2 mins - felt like an eternity. I quickly finished up, checked out, had a very stern talk with him and we went home.

I'm hoping things change when the baby comes!

Yeah, we've had a lot of conversations about why we don't play hide and seek in public. I also distinctly remember hiding from my mother in one of those round clothing displays at about 4 years old.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Yeah, they roam or walk around if they want. They have clear limits, and no problems following them. (No running, no picking random things from shelves, staying close to the adult/s etc.)
They help with shopping mostly, that's what they think is the most fun, and they sometimes get their own little kid carts to push (if there are any) and resposibility of getting this or that food. They learn and grow on this. (We're talking the little ones here, 3.5-5.5 yo.)


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

You should never let your toddler run around a store. this is so dangerous. I work in a grocery store and I see so many toddlers get hurt.

1. there are often wet or slick spots on the store. out store has around the closk janitorial staff but they are spend all day keeping up.

2. i work night stock. i break a lot of glass. i get a lot of it up. not all of it. it could still be laying around.

3. the edges and corners of shelves are sharp.

4. the end caps are not always as stable as you think they are. they can take people removing and replacing items. they are not necessarily sturdy enough for toddlers to barrel into them or if she decides to grab something from the bottom it could crash the whole thing. I have sent them tumbling down before.

5. just because you can see your child doesn't mean everyone else can. and you might not mind if an elderly person creams your child but it would likely break their heart to hurt a baby.

A grocery store is not a play ground. letting children run around like it is one is dangerous to them and to others and is just plain rude.

not to mention you are allowing bad habits to form. if this is not acceptabl;e behavior every time you go to the store forever it should not be allowed. it is hard on kids when you give them freedom and then take it away randomly. it is much better (IMHO) to keep rules consistant regardless of who you are with.


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## Krisis (May 29, 2008)

I totally agree with lilyka. I see so many kids running ( or even walking near mama) getting into things, knocking stuff down. I've almost run into several kids and I am a really slow shopper. I won't even talk about how much I hate those **** Heelie shoe things that kids skate around stores in GROWL.

When my aunt was 2 my grandma took her to the store and she was playing with my mom (then 4). They weren't watching what they were doing, and Gma was distracted for a moment and my aunt knocked over an elderly woman. The woman was bruised but okay, but my grandma felt so horrible. Whenever I think about letting DS get out of the cart I think of that. That, and the fact that DS does his own thing and won't stay near me anyway







But even if he would, I would not let him out of the cart until he outgrows the basket.

I remember getting lost TONS as a child because my mom didn't care where I was in the store. It was scary and I don't want to do that with Toby.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I used to do this when my dd was about that age. We lived in a small town and there was one smallish grocery store that was often pretty empty. Plus, she was really, really good about stopping and waiting whenever I asked and not running around the corners or out into the main aisle without me.

Nowadays, no way. I insist that they walk slowly and carefully if they walk, or they ride in the cart. Even my 4 year old makes me nervous because there are so many little old ladies at the store, and he's so big. I'm always worried he's going to plow into one.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
You should never let your toddler run around a store. this is so dangerous. I work in a grocery store and I see so many toddlers get hurt.


I agree with your whole post Lilyka. I imagine its also a safety hazard for other shoppers.


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## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

I haven't read the replies, but had to post as this just came up with us yesterday.

I will first say that I do not "let" dd run around in stores. If she wants to walk, she needs to stay next to me. Sometimes she startst to wander off, and I quickly catch up to her and herd her back.

Yesterday, however, she bolted on me. She started running down the aisle and I took off to catch up with her and bring her back. But this was a LARGE grocery store with many aisles organized almost like a labrynth. She turned before I could catch and then turned again. Literally within seconds I had NO IDEA where she was. I started running around the store calling her name. Finally I found dh (who was with us, but had been in another section of the store) and told him that I couldn't find dd. He immediately went outside to "guard" the exits (fortunately there was only one side that you could exit the store from). I conitnuing running frantically around the store calling her. She was NO WHERE!

I don't know how long I looked for her. It felt like FOREVER. In reality it was probably around 10 minutes. Finally I saw dh coming towards me carrying her. It turns out that when she realized that she was lost, she had started looking for me, couldn't find me in the store, and thought to look outside.

THANK GOD dh had been with us. THANK GOD he thought to guard the exits.

She disappeared literally in a matter of SECONDS. I shudder to think what could have happened to her. ANYTHING could have happened to her.

Believe me, this is a lesson learned. I will NEVER let her walk ahead of me again. It happens SO fast.


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## kristi96 (Mar 31, 2009)

I do not let me kids run around in the store. When I see other young children doing this I get highly annoyed.


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## bugginsmom (Aug 4, 2005)

I don't and haven't let my son "run" in the store, but he has been walking vs. riding in the seat since he was about 18 months (he is 4 now). He is a very big boy (in height and weight) and many of the carts are not safe for children his age. Most carts have a safety weight of 35lbs, which he was at 18 months. Back to the OP, I always tried to involve my son in the trip by having him help me find stuff, push a little cart, etc. so he was not running around bothering other shoppers. Some people think it is cute, others not so much. By about age 3 I started making him bingo type games, lists and picture matches for him to use while we shopped. He loves it and he is learning valuable skills while we shop.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
You should never let your toddler run around a store. this is so dangerous. I work in a grocery store and I see so many toddlers get hurt.

1. there are often wet or slick spots on the store. out store has around the closk janitorial staff but they are spend all day keeping up.

2. i work night stock. i break a lot of glass. i get a lot of it up. not all of it. it could still be laying around.

3. the edges and corners of shelves are sharp.

4. the end caps are not always as stable as you think they are. they can take people removing and replacing items. they are not necessarily sturdy enough for toddlers to barrel into them or if she decides to grab something from the bottom it could crash the whole thing. I have sent them tumbling down before.

5. just because you can see your child doesn't mean everyone else can. and you might not mind if an elderly person creams your child but it would likely break their heart to hurt a baby.

A grocery store is not a play ground. letting children run around like it is one is dangerous to them and to others and is just plain rude.

not to mention you are allowing bad habits to form. if this is not acceptabl;e behavior every time you go to the store forever it should not be allowed. it is hard on kids when you give them freedom and then take it away randomly. it is much better (IMHO) to keep rules consistant regardless of who you are with.









:























Well put!


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
You should never let your toddler run around a store. this is so dangerous. I work in a grocery store and I see so many toddlers get hurt.

1. there are often wet or slick spots on the store. out store has around the closk janitorial staff but they are spend all day keeping up.

2. i work night stock. i break a lot of glass. i get a lot of it up. not all of it. it could still be laying around.

3. the edges and corners of shelves are sharp.

4. the end caps are not always as stable as you think they are. they can take people removing and replacing items. they are not necessarily sturdy enough for toddlers to barrel into them or if she decides to grab something from the bottom it could crash the whole thing. I have sent them tumbling down before.

5. just because you can see your child doesn't mean everyone else can. and you might not mind if an elderly person creams your child but it would likely break their heart to hurt a baby.

A grocery store is not a play ground. letting children run around like it is one is dangerous to them and to others and is just plain rude.

not to mention you are allowing bad habits to form. if this is not acceptabl;e behavior every time you go to the store forever it should not be allowed. it is hard on kids when you give them freedom and then take it away randomly. it is much better (IMHO) to keep rules consistant regardless of who you are with.

Totally agree. My 4 y/o now walks with me in stores and I don't worry, b/c I've been training him to do that (stay w/ mom/the cart, use an inside voice, etc) for the last 2 years, for reasons of courtesy, safety, and my sanity! Before that he was in the cart or a sling or at home.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Haven't read respnses yet but nope not then not now. It puts child in danger of injury bigger chance of damaging property, increased chances of injuring others, lost child (or worse) My DD needs to walk with me or stay in the cart
Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amynbebes* 
No and quite honestly it has as much to do with me being able to think straight as it does with the other reasons mentioned here.

Oh so very true...

Deanna


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

I think it's important for them to learn how to stay near you and follow directions in a crowd/new place.

But I would not let DD go father than arm's length.

As for the times when I shopped w/ younger siblings...I put as many as I could into carts lol. It wasn't a kid thing...more a logistics-of-watching-my-baby-and-8-kids thing.


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

depends in the situation- for instance, i was at ross with my mom, my younger sister, and my honorary lil' sister (sisters best friend since they were 4) and my 20month old ds... we were looking for funeral clothes for me, mom, and little sis. rather than keeping ds in the cart the whole time through trying on and all that, we let him down to play. of course it helped that the fitting rooms were right next to the toy section, lol

he did lots of running, hiding and playing, but there was always someone there with him, helping be careful of other people, picking up his messes (which is more than i can say for others), etc.

as long is there is someone right there with him, i dont see the problem. if im the only one, he stays with me, either in the cart, being carried, or holding my hand, which ever works best at the time


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

Ok I may be crazy, but the way I read the original post, she was talking about a situation where
*The child was "running around" in the sense of exploring, not actually barreling through the store randomly crashing into displays and sliding under old lady's walkers like many of you seem to be implying.
*The child was closely supervised, not being watched by the same adult that was actively shopping.

I do let my toddler explore, either a) when DH is there so one of us can be on toddler duty and one can shop, or b) when I am alone and either going to the store specifically for outing/exploring purposes or willing to take a break from shopping to supervise toddler exploits. I don't let him pick up breakables, but I let him touch them gently. I let him investigate whatever he wants, and if he starts to dart away I just snatch him up. What exactly makes that behavior so inappropriate? It's not inappropriate for an adult to window-shop right?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamatoablessing* 
See, I can appreciate your view here, totally. But from my experience, even the kids being closely watched can cause accidents or get hurt. What if dad was chasing her, she turned around to look at him, wasn't watching where she was going, and ran into a display, or got hit in the head by someone's cart? Again, I appreciate the consensual agreement you have with her (







) but as a retail store owner, I've seen bad things happen to kids who were being closely supervised.

But this can happen at home, at a playground or park, or at a swimming pool, and you let kids run around there. Plus, at least the way I do things, the dad is not "chasing" but rather "supervising" or "exploring with."


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Well we do. It's not the world's safest activity, but I let her run around whenever I can. I don't always need her to follow me- sometimes I really can follow her.

I used to demand that she never run around, but I've found that actually, letting her have some running and fun time in stores has helped with our running-off issues!

And I'd never let her lead or explore in a crowded store. Only when there aren't too many people around and I can follow her.

Crime rates are at their lowest since what, 1972? I want her to be independent and enjoy her life. I ask her not to hide but she can run about and look at things.

Oh, and no standing on things that are not meant to support the weight of a child. For obvious reasons!


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

I *just* started letting my youngest walk in the store instead of riding in the cart. She just turned 5 LOL. I allow walking next to the cart but not running or walking too far ahead of me. I say 'stay where you can reach out and touch the cart or me' Not only is it super hard to stay focused on my grocery list, but i worry about annoying other shoppers OR worse, her getting hit by a cart accidentally.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

When my DD first started walking well I let her run around our local blockbuster when no one else was in there. We knew the employees and they didn't mind. It was winter and snowy out side. I called it "browsing" and she could look at things but not take anything off the shelves or I picked her up. She still doesn't take things off of shelves, expect toys. And we still sometimes take turns shopping while the other parent "browses" with DD. She loves looking at lawn furniture with DH. My DD, 3.5 now, is very energetic and she couldn't go anywhere for more than 5 minutes if we didn't let her move around. When she was younger sometimes we'd let her run from one parent to the other if no one else was around.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I am not sure I would consider it 'running around' in a store - literally, despite thats what I call it...but you know, not 'literally'...(I mean a toddler has to walk a bit faster to keep up even with the slowest of us - it kinda looks like running the funny way toddlers walk! hehe - When I say I let my DS run around in a store, I am not talking him literally sprinting about dangerously - suppose I should say I let him wander around in the store but then you might get the picture of him looking a bit like a lost snail lol) But yeah... Whenever there was two of us, DS and DH (or sometimes the other way around - basically the person _not_ doing the shopping lol) - would let DS lead and follow them around. I thought it was nice for him - his 'turn' you know. He throughly enjoyed it and it was also a learning time for him - what we do and don't do in shops via example/cause and effect/etc. (we are a pretty consensual family) - I don't see a problem with this. We often go for walks as well where as soon as we step out of the house I simply say 'where too Duncan?' and he leads the way - as its his turn to take _me_ for a walk!









I don't buy 'consistancy' either - nothing is consistent...only my love. I don't think children are stupid and I think they can figure that out - we have never had a problem at all with this as my DS. If it is just us, he knows the siatuation is different then when it is both DH and I. I wouldn't make one 'rule' flat out just for the sake of 'consistancy' - I give my DS (and all the other children I know - I nanny as well) the benefit of the doubt. I think this kind of respect and trust is also good for a childs development and growth.

When DS got older (and it didn't walk until much later anyhow)- He loved riding in the shopping trolley. Now at nearly 4, he likes to help push it sometimes - or in some stores, they actually have child sized shopping trolleys he pushes around to do his 'shopping' with. His new game is to actually help other people shop - its hilarious and they don't seem to mind! lol We probably shouldn't laugh about it though lol! (as in, he just watches them and pickes up something he thinks they will like and puts it in their trolley - and you should see his face, he really does think he is helping them - bless!)

I don't know ...we have never had an issue with him not following me around. Big consensual/continuum concept-ish/connection and trust oriented family we are. I have never had the use for a tether and only once did we have a shopping issue that turned out to be the time we were regularly going - so I changed that due to him being tired and worn our and hungry and the 'issue' stopped (which was simply taking things off the shelves and not putting them back - so not the biggest 'issue'). I was, from about the age of two, also comfortable with him 'browsing' as PP has called it above! hehe...This was partially due to me knowing him very well, the very small village we live in, and his personality - I was comfortable with him being out of my sight for short periods of time... I think because we have also sort of taken turns (so it never seems likes its always me me me that calls the shots - which imo can be un-fun for a small child sometimes!) - we have never really had many issues.


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## buttercups.nest (Jul 2, 2009)

My daughter finally took the plunge at 16months and took her first steps on her own without a toy car to push or holding onto someone's hand. She has always been independent and never liked the baby carriers I tried her in as a baby (mind you I didn't know much then and used an Eddie Bauer).

The first time she wanted to roam free as a walker we were shopping in Walmart. I passed off a regular cart with spots for her to sit as 'we only needed a few things'







My hubby was carrying her and she was being very adamant that she wanted down....that was the night she started to learn that if you're not going to listen to mommy and daddy you don't get to walk.

She is now a month away from turning 2 (which I am SOOOO not ready for!) and 3 months away from being a big sister







: She is getting too big for the stroller (and honestly its really hard to be lifting her in and out) and isn't content in the mei tai for long (see, I've learned







) so I can't imagine letting her not have some freedom and being allowed to walk in the stores.

I don't always let her walk, she will often ride in the cart, but I am confident in knowing I can hold her hand and let her walk and she will be OK. I totally use my judgement too....if we're just running into the hardware store where there's going to be maybe one person shopping she can walk....whereas if we're going to Canadian Tire or Walmart it usually depends on how her day is going (if she's listening to me) and how busy the store is. Also what some other posters have said...the second she starts darting (which she's rarely done) or running up ahead she goes back in the cart.

This is my child and what has worked for us.....every child is different


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

I haven't had time to read the whole thread yet, but yes we let our LOs run around. We started it as soon as they could toddle. DD asks to sit in the cart more, but DS rarely ever does. DS is 4. He can walk with me, but he is allowed a decent amount of roaming space. They also help get items off shelves a good bit.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I agree with "depends on the store and the child."

Grocery stores - at that age I wouldn't have let my son down much, unless we were just getting milk. Because:

- Hazards: (people in a daze pushing carts! end caps!) and how dirty the floors and low-down things can be (people walking around dripping salmonella! Ew!) My friend's child had her hand run over by someone's shopping cart.
- I liked to have him up in the cart or Ergo where I could consult with him about which tomato to buy and that kind of thing. He got the names of the produce down pretty fast.
- I didn't really want to turn our weekly shopping into "no, no, no" events

Mind you our most local store has kid-sized carts, so eventually I had to follow him around.









For other less frantic stores we sometimes did; we also used to shop in areas where he could walk between stores and be held in stores, or next to parks so he could play and then ride.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kay4* 
I *just* started letting my youngest walk in the store instead of riding in the cart. She just turned 5 LOL.

I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.









:


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## Heidi74 (Jan 21, 2009)

I don't allow DS (23 mos) to run around, but I do allow him to walk next to the cart or stroller, holding on. Then, when we approach an item we need, I send him on an errand to get it if it's at his level (ie. "Can you get mommy a carton of milk?" That type of thing.) If he starts running off, he goes back into the cart or stroller, but usually if I keep him busy with little errands he's OK.

At 17 months he would not have been able to stay close, so at that age I kept him in the cart, stroller or carrier. I think I started having him walk around 20ish months.


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## seaheroine (Dec 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Absolutely not. At that age, IF dh was with us I would let her walk- but she had to WALK and had to stay by daddy or hold his hand.

-Angela

This. I think it is really inconsiderate to other shoppers.


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Slightly OT- I addressed the original post a few pages back...

I don't really see how kids can learn proper store etiquette if they are never allowed to partake in the shopping experience. Knowing the maturity level of your child is instrumental in deciding to allow him or her to help get groceries on a short trip. My six year old has been able to do major shopping with me out of the cart and actually be incredibly helpful since about the age of three. My almost three year old- she can do a short trip with her won little cart or a run-in/run-out trip but she rarely makes it through an entire trip without attempting to dive out of the cart. Once she hits the ground she's pulling things off shelves and trying to lose us. It's a teaching experience but not good for the nerves so I just try to avoid bringing her to the store whenever possible.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evergreen* 
Slightly OT- I addressed the original post a few pages back...

I don't really see how kids can learn proper store etiquette if they are never allowed to partake in the shopping experience. Knowing the maturity level of your child is instrumental in deciding to allow him or her to help get groceries on a short trip. My six year old has been able to do major shopping with me out of the cart and actually be incredibly helpful since about the age of three. My almost three year old- she can do a short trip with her won little cart or a run-in/run-out trip but she rarely makes it through an entire trip without attempting to dive out of the cart. Once she hits the ground she's pulling things off shelves and trying to lose us. It's a teaching experience but not good for the nerves so I just try to avoid bringing her to the store whenever possible.

Well my son's been a part of our shopping experience in various ways forever, mostly because we had the time and energy. But honestly I don't think the shopping etiquette is so complex that if your kid doesn't do X,Y, Z, of shopping to start with he or she will be ruined. I think it would be perfectly possible to plop a 12 year old in a grocery store who had never been to one and explain it to her and it would be fine.

Different kids have different experiences at different ages and that is truly okay. We don't need that kind of guilt in our lives as parents.


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

> [His new game is to actually help other people shop - its hilarious and they don't seem to mind! lol We probably shouldn't laugh about it though lol! (as in, he just watches them and pickes up something he thinks they will like and puts it in their trolley - and you should see his face, he really does think he is helping them - bless!)
> /QUOTE]
> 
> That is cute and all...but honestly it would really annoy me if I had some strange child putting stuff in my cart.
> ...


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

While I have allowed my kids to walk and help shop for quite some time now, at times both my 6 YO and 9 YO still want to ride in the cart (the actual basket, not the seats). On occasion my 6 YO still climbs into the seat! She's still within the weight limit, but boy do her long legs look funny.


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## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evergreen* 
Slightly OT- I addressed the original post a few pages back...

I don't really see how kids can learn proper store etiquette if they are never allowed to partake in the shopping experience. Knowing the maturity level of your child is instrumental in deciding to allow him or her to help get groceries on a short trip. My six year old has been able to do major shopping with me out of the cart and actually be incredibly helpful since about the age of three. My almost three year old- she can do a short trip with her won little cart or a run-in/run-out trip but she rarely makes it through an entire trip without attempting to dive out of the cart. Once she hits the ground she's pulling things off shelves and trying to lose us. It's a teaching experience but not good for the nerves so I just try to avoid bringing her to the store whenever possible.

I'm not really sure what you're saying, since you started with how kids need to be allowed to participate but then ended saying you avoid letting your daughter participate.

But.

My kids definitely participate in the shopping experience. But I can't let my boys run around (or walk around, meander, whatever) and follow them, even if I didn't need to get anything done. I think it's very age appropriate for all of them to be in the cart/holding onto the cart. I ask my older boys to grab stuff off the lower shelves so I don't have to squat down (and risk getting stuck down there with 50 extra pounds strapped to me







) All of my kids go to the grocery store (or wherever) almost 100% of the time these days.

Something I noticed is that most of the posters that allow their children to "run around" (however they define it) have one maybe two small children. And often have a partner that joins them on shopping trips.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

being allowed to participate is one thing. but alloiwing kids to walk or run around too far from you (more than arms length) is just dangerous. they don't have to running wild. no matter how careful they are they are still likely shorter than a packed cart and likely no more aware than the distracted shopper behind the cart. people simple can not see them. and really, it doen't take wildness to knock over an end cap (seriously, shoppers should protest the silly heights these things have reached.), break something or get run over. My children all walk in a store and have for some time. they can go into the store with a list and do the shopping. but they do not run around. they know shopping manners and "traffic" rules. the know to look both ways before crossing an isle and to look before turning corners. they know that this is a business and that when ytou are in someones business you treat it with the same respect as someones home.

and also remember this is someones business. it is not a play ground. as a business owner nothing peeved me more than kids running around and touching stuff and rearranging stuff. this was stuff that belonged to me. and every time your child moved something it cost me money. not to mention stuff that got lost or broken or damaged some other way. if your child needs to run or move around take them to a park. not a business.


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## sunshadow (May 17, 2009)

My DH lets our daughter run around nearly every time he takes her shopping unless he is getting a lot of things. She is 26 months old now. I have tried this occasionally, but she goes right for the glass vases in the floral department or something like that, and I can't control that and shop on my own. If we are together DH usually watches her while I shop. I think it's because she will refuse to get into the cart and my DH isn't sure what to do about that and he thinks it's good for her to get to run around and look at things. I don't argue with it if he is going to watch her. She does enjoy it a lot. My biggest concern is her running in front of people. I do let her run around in department and toy stores in certain areas. Once out of the cart she often refuse to get back in so I time the cart exit for when we are close to leaving. And I always always have her put everything back where she got it and watch to make sure she is careful with things.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
being allowed to participate is one thing. but alloiwing kids to walk or run around too far from you (more than arms length) is just dangerous. they don't have to running wild. no matter how careful they are they are still likely shorter than a packed cart and likely no more aware than the distracted shopper behind the cart. people simple can not see them. and really, it doen't take wildness to knock over an end cap (seriously, shoppers should protest the silly heights these things have reached.), break something or get run over. My children all walk in a store and have for some time. they can go into the store with a list and do the shopping. but they do not run around. they know shopping manners and "traffic" rules. the know to look both ways before crossing an isle and to look before turning corners. they know that this is a business and that when ytou are in someones business you treat it with the same respect as someones home.

and also remember this is someones business. it is not a play ground. as a business owner nothing peeved me more than kids running around and touching stuff and rearranging stuff. *this was stuff that belonged to me. and every time your child moved something it cost me money. not to mention stuff that got lost or broken or damaged some other way.* if your child needs to run or move around take them to a park. not a business.

Just playing devil's advocate here, I am NOT advocating letting child do these things, but again don't misplaced and damaged items happen with adults as well? I know I've freqently seen someone carry something around the store and decide they don;t want it and just plop it on a shelf somewhere. I've also seen adults break things, shattering a pickle jar was a most recent scene in aisle 4.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

I don't let them run "around", but they don't have to be confined either. They can walk along with me, ahead of me, behind me, or linger in an aisle and catch up with me. I don't worry one iota about their safety, no one is going to take them, they'll be just fine.

That being said, my three older ones that were/are allowed to do this were always very well behaved. I didn't have to worry about them being loud or destructive. I could give them the freedom to roam without worry. We'll see how #4 goes when it's time!


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.

I have "allowed" my DD to walk with me pretty much since she first learned how I walked my 9 month old through plenty of stores... But we still at 6 do a lot of riding in the cart. DD knows the rules they are shes eaither walks with me she gets distrated easily and while shes is not destructive shes will bang into people knock thigns down because she goes into her own world and doesn't pay attention so we taught her to listen to her body if shes more into "talking/singing" then please sit in the cart and you can talk sing all you want (she is like that person that can't chew gum and walk at the same time







) If she is prepared to walk listen and not drop 15 things she is welcomed to. She spends a LOT of time riding in the cart







. However its very rare I insist she does its deffiently her choice.

Deanna


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kiwiva* 
I don't let DD run around. I don't really think it's safe. They can so quickly dart and get into something they shouldn't or have someone crash into them with a cart or whatever.

Yea, I have actually knocked over a toddler with a cart before...they came out of nowhere and I didn't see them till it was too late and I'd already ran into them.








I do not let Travis run around the store, but I do let him out of the cart if he will hold someones hand and stay with us...if he doesn't, he knows he has to get back into the cart.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sisteeesmama* 
her daddy pretend to be chasing her. She could not would not get away from us and my husband would not allow her to get in other people's way any more than anyone else does at the grocery store.

but I think there is a difference here. If an adult gets in my way at the grocery store I can easily see them and stop and not run them over with a shopping cart. But with a sling on, a toddler in the seat part of the cart, two kids holding on to either side of the cart, and a couple large items in the cart there is no way I'd see a toddler getting in my way. I think until you are tall enough for your head to be well over the top of the cart you shouldn't be allowed to wander for that reason alone...


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Hold on.

Are we talking about letting a child lead the way and enjoy the store while the parent supervises the exploration (and presumably is done shopping, hasn't started, or is taking a break), or not supervising your kids when you shop?

We do the first, not the second.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

This is JME of course, but I think my friends who say they're all about freedom and experiences just don't want to deal w/ a tantrum. It's easier to let LO run around or have Daddy chase them than to teach them proper behavior in a store. But eventually, it'll have to be taught. They're just putting it off. Well and good for them, but I don't think they take into consideration the inconvenience and irritation it causes others.

Yes, certainly at some point children will realize that life involves errands and tasks that are boring, you aren't supposed to run around stores, yell, tantrum, put things in people's carts, etc, but why not do everyone a favor and start teaching it now?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

DD1 still stays in the cart most of the time. I'll work on easing her out of it when I'm shopping again.

She and ds2 have just been impossible in stores. I've been pregnant for 18 of the last 30 months, and recovering from a c-section for another month or two (and am doing so again). For the recoveries, I can't take them shopping - in fact, I'm not doing the shopping right now. When I'm pregnant, I'm way too tired to deal with the nonsense if they're out of the cart. So...they stay in. DS2 will be four soon, and dd is six. She'll probably be allowed out of the cart when I go back to the store, but ds2 will want out, as well. So...we'll see how it goes. Neither one of them cooperates worth crap once they've reached a certain point, and I simply haven't been able to deal with it.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Regarding the safety concerns, I think everyone has a different level of comfort with risk and kids. I see the list of safety issues lilyka made, for example, and see a few items that I think, "yep, that's a big issue and definitely needs to be used for proper limit setting," but most of the items are like, "eh, that's life."

I just don't relate at all to the "what's wrong with kids doing ____[fill in the blank]____?" when it comes to the response of, "they could get hurt, that's what!" As if "being hurt" is the worst thing in the world. Hurt comes in degrees, and we have to weigh benefits and risks throughout our lives to manage those degrees.

Our kids experience safety risks *everywhere.* I personally don't mind my kids getting *minor* injuries if the benefit outweighs the risk. I do realize that in a minority of cases, minor injuries can result in major crap. Yes, a piece of glass getting in a kids hand could result in an infection, but for the vast, vast majority of such injuries, the glass is safely removed and the child has learned to watch more carefully where s/he is putting his/her hands. Does that mean I want my kids to get hurt? No of course not! We work at prevention, *but no matter who you are, prevention will involve weighing risks and benefits of different actions*.

Clearly, we are all going to weigh those things slightly differently, and when it comes to minor injury risks, I think that is okay, good, right, and necessary. Most of us probably balance these issues with relevant consideration of what we know about our children, ourselves as supervisors, etc. etc.

I am, for example, all for seat belt laws that require use of proper car restraints for kids...and for severe penalties for those who don't follow those laws. The risk of major injury or death due to lack of proper vehicle restraints is HUGE, and I don't think anybody should be able to just disregard those risks. I even support helmet laws when it comes to bike riding and roller blading. But the risks involved in how high a child can climb on a playground, or where a child can walk holding a hand vs. not holding a hand, and what a child can do in a store is probably best handled on the family level, by people who know the child and the other factors involved.

I am not saying the benefits of being out of the cart are always and necessarily higher than being in. But I am saying, let's not pull out the "but the kid could get hurt" argument as if it is a be-all, end-all. It's one facet of the issue, and it is as nuanced as any other.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

My hurt is injury to others which at the least is just unecessary but we also live in a big time retirment area so it could be injury to older people who can't recover from a little bump and bruise so easily. And injury to property. I don't need her dropping fruit and ruining them cartons of eggs knocking down displays....

Deanna


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EVC* 
She disappeared literally in a matter of SECONDS. I shudder to think what could have happened to her. ANYTHING could have happened to her.

This is why I don't let my DS wander if I'm trying to shop, more than any other reason. I can't concentrate on what I need to buy and watch him at the same time. If it's a situation I can hold his hand (just browsing in a store) or if DH is with us, then it's ok. But anything that requires both of my hands and my concentration (grocery or serious clothes shopping) DS is in a cart or instructed to stay right by me, usually touching me.

Someone made the comment that the crime rate is lower than ever. Even so, imagine if your child wandered outside trying to find you and was hit in the parking lot. That scenario doesn't require any "evildoers" to perpetrate a crime. Maybe I'm paranoid, so be it.


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## mrspineau (Jan 15, 2008)

I dont let mine run around. If I take him out of the cart, I put this little backpack harness thingy on him and then he can only go a few feet away from me. but i rarely even do that. I don't think its very safe, and he could grab things off shelves and break them, or he could ruin floor displays... I just like to make shopping trips as smooth as possible. usually I give him some apple slices and that pretty much keeps him happy, although he's only fifteen months


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

Well, I let my toddler walk in stores, and we often hold hands, but when the situation warrants it (like we are in an empty aisle), sometimes I just walk with her. I am always very aware of our surroundings, any approaching people, if there are glass bottles down low on the shelves, etc. But DD is incredibly good at being careful and sticking close to me, and asking before touching anything. I feel she's ready to be at this point. We talk about when it's a good time to go slowly and when, occasionally, we can go "fast" (which is still just the pace of me walking quickly), which I think is helping her figure out normal safe and acceptable behavior in stores. Today at the drug store, she danced around an empty aisle while I picked out something. She was within ten feet of me the whole time and was calm, not zooming about. I think it just depends on the surroundings and the kids.


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

I absoluetly do not allow running in the store. That is behavior that is not allowed. My younger children are riding in the cart and my older children walk with me in the store. This is a non issue. My children are taught respect from an early age and running in a store is not respecting, the store, the other shoppers etc... running can potentially break/damage merchandise...

So no running is not something we allow inside stores.


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:

I *just* started letting my youngest walk in the store instead of riding in the cart. She just turned 5 LOL.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.


She never gave me a hard time. It was only recently that she started being uncomfortable (as in her legs hurting) when she sat in the cart, so she walks beside now. She does still ride in the 'spaceship' and 'car' ones


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.

I could go shopping or browse in the library with all three girls. Not with Dylan. He wouldn't stay with me. He would be the kid who was knocking things over, climbing the shelves to see what was on the top shelf or in the next aisle. He had to investigate everything. Nothing wrong with him being curious but he was a danger not just to himself but to everyone else in the store/library. So I didn't take him anywhere unless one (or more) person went with us until he was 5. And he was taught that if he was separated from us, to find the cash registers (we would point out the store employees--vests, shirts, etc.--and stay there. He was told to tell the employee our name, not his. That we would never leave the store without him so don't believe anyone who told him that we were waiting outside. The few times that he did get lost in a store, he followed the teaching and we would find him at the check out.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
Just playing devil's advocate here, I am NOT advocating letting child do these things, but again don't misplaced and damaged items happen with adults as well? I know I've freqently seen someone carry something around the store and decide they don;t want it and just plop it on a shelf somewhere. I've also seen adults break things, shattering a pickle jar was a most recent scene in aisle 4.

Which is why we start when they are toddlers teaching them how to behave in stores.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *averlee* 
You know, I do let my daughter run wild in stores. We go to the same stores all the time and people know us. Our bookstore for example, I used to let her crawl around there, a few paces behind her, let her go around corners & peek at me, shriek & giggle. Once I let her take every bottle of elmer's glue off a shelf at a party & craft store, she lined them all up on the floor, then we put them back. But, when we seem to be bothering people, or things are getting too much for me to keep up with, I scoop her up and carry her. If she won't be carried nicely, I sometimes end up shopping quickly with a tantruming kid under my arm. (I do this as cheerfully as possible while pretending everything is perfectly normal.)

Here's the thing, though. You probably _are_ bothering people, but they are just too polite to say anything.

To the OP, no, I don't let my kids run around. I have three, and when we go shopping together, I set my expectations BEFORE we enter the store. I tell them how they WILL act and how they WILL behave. And if they don't, I tell them what I WILL do. Dillan the Devil ran around a couple of weeks ago, and it was a fantastic learning experience for her.

She learned how quickly Daddy would scoop her up and carry her out to the van.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
I don't let them run "around", but they don't have to be confined either. They can walk along with me, ahead of me, *behind me*, or *linger in an aisle* and catch up with me. *I don't worry one iota about their safety, no one is going to take them, they'll be just fine.*

That being said, my three older ones that were/are allowed to do this were always very well behaved. I didn't have to worry about them being loud or destructive. I could give them the freedom to roam without worry. We'll see how #4 goes when it's time!

Behind you??? In another aisle?? No way. It only takes a second.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KirstenMary* 
Behind you??? In another aisle?? No way. It only takes a second.









A second for what? I indicated "well behaved" in my post, so they're not breaking anything - if I had one that couldn't handle themselves, then no, they wouldn't able to linger. Since I know there aren't child molesters and abductors hanging out at the grocery store (or anywhere else for that matter), that's a moot point.

It's sad - the odds are like 1 in 1.5 million that my child would be harmed by someone (and the odds of that are with Uncle Bob, not the stranger in the grocery store!) - but the odds are 1 in 4 that they will be depressed at some point in their lives. I personally think misplaced fearmongering by the media, blurring the lines between CSI and real life, contributes to that. I could set my child in the front yard and statistically speaking it would take 200,000 years before someone would abduct them.

But again, that's me. I know they're safe, that's my comfort level, that's my choice as their mom. It's up to each parent. You do what you want. And like someone said, how do they learn responsiblity if they're never given any?

JMO. Not gonna debate it, I don't fear strangers PERIOD and don't teach my children to either. It would be a more wonderful world if everyone said "hello" to they old man on the street, who's probably someone's grandpa that reads his grandkids a story before bed, instead of thinking he's the creepy flasher that your mom said she saw on Without a Trace two weeks ago, KWIM? Eh. To each their own.


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## mrs joe bubby (Mar 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ann_of_loxley* 
His new game is to actually help other people shop - its hilarious and they don't seem to mind! lol We probably shouldn't laugh about it though lol! (as in, he just watches them and pickes up something he thinks they will like and puts it in their trolley - and you should see his face, he really does think he is helping them - bless!)

Sorry, your son's "game" would annoy me. I would imagine that other people _do_ mind, but they're trying to be polite and continue on with their shopping without much fuss. I know for me, I'm just trying to stick my list and get my shopping done, so I can get back home to my family as quickly as possible. It's not a fun outing and I don't go to grocery stores to play games.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
A second for what? I indicated "well behaved" in my post, so they're not breaking anything - if I had one that couldn't handle themselves, then no, they wouldn't able to linger. *Since I know there aren't child molesters and abductors hanging out at the grocery store (or anywhere else for that matter), that's a moot point.*

It's sad - the odds are like 1 in 1.5 million that my child would be harmed by someone (and the odds of that are with Uncle Bob, not the stranger in the grocery store!) - but the odds are 1 in 4 that they will be depressed at some point in their lives. I personally think misplaced fearmongering by the media, blurring the lines between CSI and real life, contributes to that. I could set my child in the front yard and statistically speaking it would take 200,000 years before someone would abduct them.

But again, that's me. I know they're safe, that's my comfort level, that's my choice as their mom. It's up to each parent. You do what you want. And like someone said, how do they learn responsiblity if they're never given any?

JMO. Not gonna debate it, I don't fear strangers PERIOD and don't teach my children to either. It would be a more wonderful world if everyone said "hello" to they old man on the street, who's probably someone's grandpa that reads his grandkids a story before bed, instead of thinking he's the creepy flasher that your mom said she saw on Without a Trace two weeks ago, KWIM? Eh. To each their own.

How do you know this?

And I don't want to get too far off from the OP, but if they are an aisle over from you, yes, they could be abducted. But like you said, if their distance is within your comfort level, you're fine, I guess.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KirstenMary* 
How do you know this?


Frankly, because it's true.

I will not get up every day and live in fear. I will NOT teach my children to do the same. I will not spend my life looking up in case an airplane is about to crash. We choose to _live_ our lives. It's a matter of *calculated risk*. The risk of any harm is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too teeny for me not to let my children have fun standing in the toy aisle and look at the wares for a few minutes while I move on. My kids lick the beaters with cake better/raw eggs because it's a 1 in 50 million chance they'll get sick, and that's a risk I'm willing to take, because it's fun and what I consider a rite of childhood. Calculated risk. And yes, I'm fine with it.

ETA: Before someone says, "but it's a risk you don't even have to take" - well, everything in life is. Throw away the car keys - the chances are about 1 in 8 you'll get in a wreck. The chances are about 1 in 600 you could walk across the kitchen floor and fall down, injuring yourself bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor. The odds are there that you will slip in the tub and give yourself a concussion. I know someone who broke their ankle simply getting out of bed in the morning and "landing" wrong. All of these things could've been prevented. But where is living at????


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
Which is why we start when they are toddlers teaching them how to behave in stores.

Ok, let me get this straight. The lady who dropped the pickles was just not taught as a toddler how to behave in the store? Really?


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## benj (Jun 4, 2009)

Nope, only because my youngest breaks everything he touches, he's got some sticky fingers too...


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

I agree with not living in fear but then there are still things that we should be mindful of. Not living in fear does not mean sticking your kid in a shark tank with a blood piece of meat strapped to their chest. Extreme example, yes, but there is not living in fear and then there is just ignoring reality.

And it does only take a second. It only take a second for (general "your child" not meaning anyone specifically)...

- Someone not see your child and hit them with a cart, trip over them, etc.

- Your child to climb (even just stepping on the first shelf) onto something unstable and have it fall on them.

- Your child to pull something down on themselves.

- Your child to be abducted or accosted in any way.

- Your child to misjudge your speed and get lost.

and so on...

I agree that children need to learn and that getting hurt isn't the end of the world (though children do die in shopping accidents) but there is a time and a place. A store just isn't one of them.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
Ok, let me get this straight. The lady who dropped the pickles was just not taught as a toddler how to behave in the store? Really?


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
*Frankly, because it's true.*

I will not get up every day and live in fear. I will NOT teach my children to do the same. I will not spend my life looking up in case an airplane is about to crash. We choose to _live_ our lives. It's a matter of *calculated risk*. The risk of any harm is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too teeny for me not to let my children have fun standing in the toy aisle and look at the wares for a few minutes while I move on. My kids lick the beaters with cake better/raw eggs because it's a 1 in 50 million chance they'll get sick, and that's a risk I'm willing to take, because it's fun and what I consider a rite of childhood. Calculated risk. And yes, I'm fine with it.

ETA: Before someone says, "but it's a risk you don't even have to take" - well, everything in life is. Throw away the car keys - the chances are about 1 in 8 you'll get in a wreck. The chances are about 1 in 600 you could walk across the kitchen floor and fall down, injuring yourself bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor. The odds are there that you will slip in the tub and give yourself a concussion. I know someone who broke their ankle simply getting out of bed in the morning and "landing" wrong. All of these things could've been prevented. But where is living at????

Frankly, you have no way of knowing that.

And while I agree that we take calculated risks every day, we need to weigh the benefits to the risks, and frankly, I see no benefit in letting my two daughters shop an aisle away from me where I can neither see nor hear them. That is not is my comfort zone and as far as I am concerned, there is no benefit that would outweigh any risk.

Keeping an eye on them while shopping is not synonymous with living in fear.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
I just don't relate at all to the "what's wrong with kids doing ____[fill in the blank]____?" when it comes to the response of, "they could get hurt, that's what!" As if "being hurt" is the worst thing in the world. Hurt comes in degrees, and we have to weigh benefits and risks throughout our lives to manage those degrees.

Our kids experience safety risks *everywhere.* I personally don't mind my kids getting *minor* injuries if the benefit outweighs the risk. e-all, end-all. It's one facet of the issue, and it is as nuanced as any other.

I agree that the risk to a child is a matter of personal decision. However, we are talking about a *public* place and parents don't have the right to weight the risk to *other* people in this decision. They can decide that they can live with injuries to their kids as a result of "running" around. However, there is also the risk to the elderly lady who they run into or the disabled man they run in front of and cause to trip.

There is also a property risk here, and again, parents either don't have the right to decide that this is a risk the store should take, or they have to be willing to take the responsibility to pay for any damage that is done. Sadly, there are lots of parents out there who won't take that responsibility. Worse, there are parents who won't take responsibility for the injury their child suffers and turns around and sues the store.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SandraS* 
Frankly, because it's true.

I will not get up every day and live in fear. I will NOT teach my children to do the same. I will not spend my life looking up in case an airplane is about to crash. We choose to _live_ our lives. It's a matter of *calculated risk*. The risk of any harm is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too teeny for me not to let my children have fun standing in the toy aisle and look at the wares for a few minutes while I move on. My kids lick the beaters with cake better/raw eggs because it's a 1 in 50 million chance they'll get sick, and that's a risk I'm willing to take, because it's fun and what I consider a rite of childhood. Calculated risk. And yes, I'm fine with it.

ETA: Before someone says, "but it's a risk you don't even have to take" - well, everything in life is. Throw away the car keys - the chances are about 1 in 8 you'll get in a wreck. The chances are about 1 in 600 you could walk across the kitchen floor and fall down, injuring yourself bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor. The odds are there that you will slip in the tub and give yourself a concussion. I know someone who broke their ankle simply getting out of bed in the morning and "landing" wrong. All of these things could've been prevented. But where is living at????

There will be and too a point there has been the day where I trust my child to have enough skills that I both pray danger wont come her way and that she will know how to react if it does. I don't live in fear and I'm aware accidents can happen no matter what. WHen my DD was three she was playing ball with DH in the front grassy area of our apartment she went to pick up the ball and a man grabbed her. He let go when a bunch of people yelled at him and it turned out he had some mental issues... but it was a split second where we realized not only could it have gone much worse but at 3 and for our verbal delayed and stranger trusting DD she saw NO danger in this... Now am I saying its horrible to allow your kids in diffrent issles? nope I also see you have older kids so you have several sets of eyes. I alos wont live in fear but I wont just assume nothing could eaither.

Deanna


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## ivymae (Nov 22, 2005)

I'll just add myself to the group that prefers my child stays near me in a store.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KirstenMary* 
And while I agree that we take calculated risks every day, we need to weigh the benefits to the risks, and frankly, I see no benefit in letting my two daughters shop an aisle away from me where I can neither see nor hear them. That is not is my comfort zone and as far as I am concerned, there is no benefit that would outweigh any risk.

And yet I DO see the benefit of letting them have some safe independence and freedom to be a child, exploring on their own, in our safe world. Since the risk or someone harming them is virtually non-existant, it's one I'm willing to take.

We will just have to agree to disagree, because it is the way that my family chooses to live in virtually every aspect of our lives (allowing our children MANY freedoms). And we'll never change, and we'll be just fine.

ETA: I'm only addressing the "danger" subject. I would never tolerate my children running and screaming and putting things in carts. I have been fortunate that by about the age of 4 all of my older ones are quite well behaved in stores, are calm and quiet, don't interfere with other people (other than to say a friendly wonderful HI!!!), and won't sabotage or damage anything. If that were not the case, they would be safely ensconced in the cart or at home with daddy.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
Ok, let me get this straight. The lady who dropped the pickles was just not taught as a toddler how to behave in the store? Really?


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## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
There will be and too a point there has been the day where I trust my child to have enough skills that I both pray danger wont come her way and that she will know how to react if it does. I don't live in fear and I'm aware accidents can happen no matter what. WHen my DD was three she was playing ball with DH in the front grassy area of our apartment she went to pick up the ball and a man grabbed her. He let go when a bunch of people yelled at him and it turned out he had some mental issues... but it was a split second where we realized not only could it have gone much worse but at 3 and for our verbal delayed and stranger trusting DD she saw NO danger in this... Now am I saying its horrible to allow your kids in diffrent issles? nope I also see you have older kids so you have several sets of eyes. I alos wont live in fear but I wont just assume nothing could eaither.

Deanna

It's not just strangers either. I had a mentally unstable uncle who for a while when we were kids thought we were his that he had with an ex-girlfriend. We were not allowed to play in the front yard for a while because my parents were worried that he would drive up and take us. After all, why would we think twice about leaving with our uncle? This is the same man who tried to run down my grandfather with his truck when he was angry one day. We didn't understand until we were older just how unstable he was and thus how dangerous he was.

And for those who think that the only reason (why I don't know since I don't recall reading a post that gave that impression) I don't let my kids run, wander or leave my side in a store is because I'm worried for their safety you should really go back and re-read both what I and others have said. Yes, I know that kids get hurt, no matter how careful you are. My oldest's broken arm/elbow at just shy of 3 because he hit the coffee table wrong while horsing around with dad and my youngest's current lump on his forehead from loosing his balance, and the subsequent meeting with the fireplace hearth, are evidence of that along with many other bumps and bruises. I am also worried about the elderly and unstable on their feet people with slower reaction times that are in the stores at the same time we are. Why should I expect them to be able to avoid my child who suddenly appears out of nowhere? Especially since both of them are pretty good at wandering around with little to no clue about their surroundings at times.

I also wouldn't find it cute if a strange child came up to me and started putting random things in my cart, especially if he/she snuck it in while I wasn't looking and I ended up paying for it before realizing it. No thank you. When I go to a store, either with or without kids, I am interested in getting what I need, checking out what new stuff they have and leaving. I am not interested in avoiding your child with my cart or anything of that nature. Playgrounds and other outdoor areas are for running and exploring, not stores. Though I do think that malls are an exception, not the stores themselves but the large hallways that connect them.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kay4* 
She never gave me a hard time. It was only recently that she started being uncomfortable (as in her legs hurting) when she sat in the cart, so she walks beside now. She does still ride in the 'spaceship' and 'car' ones

That's great for you. I wish all kids were like that. Mine wanted down when she was 18 months. She thought of that herself. She can scream for hours, and doesn't distract easily.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
Ok, let me get this straight. The lady who dropped the pickles was just not taught as a toddler how to behave in the store? Really?

I think it's in the same vein as the person who gabbles loudly on their cell phone on the bus/airplane, the man who wears his baseball cap in a restaurant, the person who doesn't open doors for others or say "thank you" or "excuse me." These are all behaviors that are taught, and one assumes by parents.

I don't think anyone teaches their child to not drop pickle jars, but I do think they teach that you aren't supposed to touch things unless you're going to buy them, that if you move them you put them back, etc. It all comes down to consideration, IMO, and that's something parents are supposed to teach their children, so we can all live in a pleasant, civil world.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

We let DD run around with DH. She loves it. He loves it. I'm happy because it tires her out. Everyone has a good time. I have never noticed any shoppers becoming irate or annoyed, usually everyone smiles and thinks DD is cute.

But the store isn't packed either as we shop off hours.

DH is with her the whole time and focused solely on her so I can't see how that would not be an effective precaution.

V


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

No way do I let my DDs run amok to explore. The world is not a private schoolyard and exploration playground for them. For me it's about other people - the shoppers, the storekeepers, the staff. I think it's a crummy way to teach children respect for other people's property and social restraint.

To be honest, some of the stories of littles 'helping' or shrieking and running around make my hair stand on end. I don't think it's cute. Not when I'm tired and in a hurry. I'm also one of those terrible people who rarely find strange kids endearing (especially when they're being indulged beyond personal space and social boundarie). Ugh.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Working in retail, I have a general problem with people who act disrespectfully - be they big people or little people. But... I rarely see big people running up and down my aisles, climbing my metros or endcaps, climbing or sitting on my floor stacks.

Generally speaking, big people who are irresponsible/disrespectful only cause my staff and I time - mostly cleaning up random messes (spilled food, misplaced items). Little people who are irresponsible/disrespectful contribute to those, too, but they also cause my other customers discomfort. Kids who treat my store as a playground... are a danger to my other customers as well as themselves AND my staff. They have a greater tendency to damage my stock - even if it's "just" the packaging that's crushed, torn, dirty. People have a tendency to not want to buy merchandise that's got damaged packaging - not for our full retail price. If I discount it - it comes out of MY bottom line.

And if I say something to the kid(s)? 9 times out of 10, the parent will take issue with me for correcting their child.

So I will thank the parents here who keep their little people close and supervised.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 
The world is not a private schoolyard and exploration playground for them.

That's right. It's a PUBLIC schoolyard and exploration playground for them.

And you know what? Sometimes I spend time browsing the books' aisle and I'm NEVER GOING TO BUY ONE, I comb my hair in the dressing room (and nurse there), ask the wine section staff theoretical questions even after I've already chosen my wine, and sometimes just stop in Target to see what they have even if I didn't bring my credit card.

I don't think they mind, as neither my daughter nor I ever leave stuff just wherever, break anything, or run into old ladies and knock them over.

But then... we don't do that at the Y, or the playground, either!!!


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
That's right. It's a PUBLIC schoolyard and exploration playground for them.

And you know what? Sometimes I spend time browsing the books' aisle and I'm NEVER GOING TO BUY ONE, I comb my hair in the dressing room (and nurse there), ask the wine section staff theoretical questions even after I've already chosen my wine, and sometimes just stop in Target to see what they have even if I didn't bring my credit card.

I don't think they mind, as neither my daughter nor I ever leave stuff just wherever, break anything, or run into old ladies and knock them over.

But then... we don't do that at the Y, or the playground, either!!!

Totally confused at your examples. Everything you mentioned was an *appropriate* use of public space, as per unspoken societal norms. Most normal, sane people respect those societal norms and adhere to them somewhat.

OTOH if you ran around bumping into people, shrieking and arms flailing, making messes, annoyances and nusiances, I hardly think anyone would have to throw a forced grin your way and pretend out loud that it's cute. Most would think you were on drugs or were mentally incapacitated and had to be restrained somehow. Or arrested.

Oh right. They're kids. Social rules don't apply for prince/ss.


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## PiePie (Oct 2, 2006)

heck yeah. as long as i can see her.


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## Delta (Oct 22, 2002)

No way would I let my toddler run around in stores? Huh?

It's not even a safety issue to me but rather one of consideration of other people in the store as well as allowing my child to think it's ok to do so.


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:

Originally Posted by kay4 View Post
She never gave me a hard time. It was only recently that she started being uncomfortable (as in her legs hurting) when she sat in the cart, so she walks beside now. She does still ride in the 'spaceship' and 'car' ones

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
That's great for you. I wish all kids were like that. Mine wanted down when she was 18 months. She thought of that herself. She can scream for hours, and doesn't distract easily.

YK, another thing I shoul dhave added is she is my youngest...my older 3 were out and walking by 3 simply because the next one had come along. (my 2nd held on till about 4 though lol) With Laura her age really snuck up on me so for ME at least that played a part. When she made the comment that her legs hurt it took me a second to think back on the other 3 and I was WOW she's 5 now!!! LOL. So believe me, it wasn't something i forced on her, just reg routine. We went to the store, I put her in the cart.

About your 18 mo. My first daughter was like that. She was a wild woman!!! LOL. Why sit in a stroller or cart when you can RUN!!! was her motto I think. My second LOVED the stroller and although she was 3 1/2 when #3 came along I had to get a double stroller because she still loved to ride.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 
Totally confused at your examples. Everything you mentioned was an *appropriate* use of public space, as per unspoken societal norms. Most normal, sane people respect those societal norms and adhere to them somewhat.

OTOH if you ran around bumping into people, shrieking and arms flailing, making messes, annoyances and nusiances, I hardly think anyone would have to throw a forced grin your way and pretend out loud that it's cute. Most would think you were on drugs or were mentally incapacitated and had to be restrained somehow. Or arrested.

Oh right. They're kids. Social rules don't apply for prince/ss.

Er, my child doesn't do those things at the Y, or at the park, or anywhere, really, much less the supermarket. Messes? Sometimes at home, but really, it's not like we have fingerpaints out or chili in a bowl at the supermarket (or even the YMCA).

Sure, she might run off occasionally, but she does it less often if she has time to explore. So I let her have that time when I can.

My kid is not a monster or a maniac. Letting her explore does not equal letting her assault strangers.

If your child runs around like a wild maniac every time you let her down in the supermarket, take note: you have WAY bigger problems than would be solved merely by putting her in the cart.

Oh, and it's safer for kids now than it was since the 70s, so the whole child-abduction argument doesn't phase me. Let her alone for a long time? No. But never let her out of my sight until she's old enough to use mace? No, not that, either.


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## LiamnEmma (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *erinsmama* 
Another concern I have is that, I feel she needs to learn how to follow me around the store & not the other way around. KWIM? How do I teach her this, or is there some point when she will understand this & actually follow me.

I'm thinking sometime when she wants out of the cart with both of us there, that we should use that as the opportunity to show her that she has to stay close, or put her back in the cart. It may take a while for her to learn & there may be tantrums involved, but do you think that is a good plan? Or do you think she's too young to understand that at this point? Tell me what you think!

I think this is something that occurs as they age. For me and my children, 19 months was too young for that lesson, but every family is different.

Both of my kids began sticking fairly close by without reminders between seven and eight years. They were let out of the carts prior to that, but initially with very strict parameters such as holding on to some part of the cart, or whatever, and requiring vigilance and lots of reminders to stay close. DD was a hider and has only recently given this behavior up as an eight year old. DS is now ten and he is given more free rein and will often be in a nearby aisle during a shopping trip rather than right next to me.

It does happen.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kay4* 
YK, another thing I shoul dhave added is she is my youngest...my older 3 were out and walking by 3 simply because the next one had come along. (my 2nd held on till about 4 though lol) With Laura her age really snuck up on me so for ME at least that played a part. When she made the comment that her legs hurt it took me a second to think back on the other 3 and I was WOW she's 5 now!!! LOL. So believe me, it wasn't something i forced on her, just reg routine. We went to the store, I put her in the cart.

About your 18 mo. My first daughter was like that. She was a wild woman!!! LOL. Why sit in a stroller or cart when you can RUN!!! was her motto I think. My second LOVED the stroller and although she was 3 1/2 when #3 came along I had to get a double stroller because she still loved to ride.









Thanks for clarifying. I had gotten the impression that you were implying that this was just something that anyone could do with any kid, which irked me, probably because I'm sleep deprived with a new baby and toddler who got sick recently.

Isn't it amazing and wonderful to watch so many kids grow up? I don't think I've got the temperament but I love how moms of many can just enjoy the uniqueness of each individual kids.


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

> Quote:
> Originally Posted by kay4 View Post
> YK, another thing I shoul dhave added is she is my youngest...my older 3 were out and walking by 3 simply because the next one had come along. (my 2nd held on till about 4 though lol) With Laura her age really snuck up on me so for ME at least that played a part. When she made the comment that her legs hurt it took me a second to think back on the other 3 and I was WOW she's 5 now!!! LOL. So believe me, it wasn't something i forced on her, just reg routine. We went to the store, I put her in the cart.
> 
> ...


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
Ok, let me get this straight. The lady who dropped the pickles was just not taught as a toddler how to behave in the store? Really?

No. The lady who puts the ice cream that she decided against on the bread shelf is who I'm talking about. And you knew that.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Violet2* 
We let DD run around with DH. She loves it. He loves it. I'm happy because it tires her out. Everyone has a good time. I have never noticed any shoppers becoming irate or annoyed, usually everyone smiles and thinks DD is cute.

But the store isn't packed either as we shop off hours.

DH is with her the whole time and focused solely on her so I can't see how that would not be an effective precaution.

V


I'm happy for you that your store has off hours. Mine doesn't and it's open from 6 am to midnight. Probably because everyone else also wants to avoid the crowds. The one store that was open 24/7 (now closed) did have off hours but that's when the aisles were most crowded because that's when they did the restocking. Less shoppers but more merchandise.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
No. The lady who puts the ice cream that she decided against on the bread shelf is who I'm talking about. And you knew that.

OK, again. The lady who puts the ice cream on the bread shelf has NO IDEA that it is uncool to do so? Sorry not buying it. She knows it is obnoxious but doesn't care.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 
Oh right. They're kids. Social rules don't apply for prince/ss.

I keep coming back to what you said here. I take issue with how society treats kids in public. Pretty much they are shunned. It really irks me how people and businesses react to them. But there is a flip side. There are parents who let children treat public places like they would home or the backyard (how this helps children learn is beyond me. Is this how we as adults act in public places? So we are teaching them correct behavior in these places how?







). So I think we get people who assume all parents are going to let their little angles be disruptive, etc and it sets up a real stigma which is unfortunate. However their attitude of "put a muzzle on the kid" is pretty darn unfortunate too.

The whole thing, though, is social rules _do_ apply to children. Don't we tout that in NIP? Don't we say "my child has a right to eat here"? Seems to me it should go both ways. If we want our children accepted in public places why not teach them to act acceptably?

All this talk of "allowing them to explore" has me puzzled. When you explore a store do you roam around under foot? Run around? Play around? No that is not how we behave in stores. So the best way for them to learn would be to stay close to mom/dad and immolate their behavior not be "set loose". I keep hearing if we let them do the above they will learn how to shop, etc. Well, no they won't. They will learn that running around a store is acceptable behavior. Staying close to their parents they learn that shopping is a different arena altogether and how to go about it. Yes, by all means children should be exploring grocery stores and other places but to say that means just allowing them to run around or even roam doesn't make much sense to me. They can explore by your side with you. They will learn more by watching your behavior and your actions at the store. I can understand fully the desire to let one's children free to explore but I guess I am not seeing how keeping them near you while shopping is the opposite of that or hinders that in any way. But when you keep them close they are far less likely to get hurt, disturb the other shoppers, or destroy property.

There is just a time and a place. For us at playgrounds we play. When we shop we stay close to mom. When we are at church we are quiet during service and then when we go to nursery we can play, etc etc.

And lest I am making it sound like I think kids who run around are little hellions I don't believe that at all. But I have seen how easily they can get hurt, lost and inadvertently disrupt or even hurt other shoppers. I just think shopping is a prime opportunity to learn at mom/dad's side how to shop and also how to be considerate of others.


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

:

Nicely said. Though I do think that people who let their kids run (and I mean literally run and play, not walk with their parent) around in stores are being extremely inconsiderate of the other shoppers, the store employees and owners/managers, and, frankly, of their own kids who aren't being taught how to behave appropriately in that situation.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *magstphil* 

All this talk of "allowing them to explore" has me puzzled. When you explore a store do you roam around under foot? Run around? Play around? No that is not how we behave in stores. So the best way for them to learn would be to stay close to mom/dad and immolate their behavior not be "set loose". I keep hearing if we let them do the above they will learn how to shop, etc. Well, no they won't. They will learn that running around a store is acceptable behavior.... Yes, by all means children should be exploring grocery stores and other places but to say that means just allowing them to run around or even roam doesn't make much sense to me. They can explore by your side with you. ... But when you keep them close they are far less likely to get hurt, disturb the other shoppers, or destroy property.

There is just a time and a place. For us at playgrounds we play. When we shop we stay close to mom. When we are at church we are quiet during service and then when we go to nursery we can play, etc etc.


Here's the thing. My child wants to look at stuff. She wants to play-shop. It's not that she has an overwhelming desire to toss glass bottles on the floor and run into old ladies, and I feel she needs to do that to "learn how to shop." No. She wants to be in control of the situation for a little bit, to choose her own aisle, to "read" the bottles, and so on.

So letting her explore has nothing to do with her believing the store is the park. She's smarter than that. It's about letting her lead the way for awhile. I don't see where that intersects with letting her run around like a maniac provided I'm nearby supervising.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5!
My 5 year old dd would love to be allowed to ride in the cart, but ds2 and ds3 have dibs.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

DD's 16 months. We go to two supermarkets - a quiet, empty one and a huge noisy crowded one. At the latter, she stays in the pram, or if she gets upset I take her out and hold her. Even if DH is there, it's just too crowded and dangerous for her to be on the loose.

At the quiet supermarket, if DH and I are both there - yup, she can roam. We make sure one of us is right there with her, as she occasionally likes to pull things off shelves (although come to think of it, she's not too bad these days). She loves to gallop down an empty aisle, and giving her a bit of freedom means she's happy to be put back in the pram for the trip home (we usually shop at night, so it isn't always feasible for her to walk home with us - plus, the place is quieter). Because one of us is right there with her, she doesn't tend to get underfoot, and people she encounters tend to universally beam and say "Awww".









As an added measure we sometimes use the harness/leashy thing, or DH's "chivvying cane" which he uses to guide her in the right direction, which is hilarious to watch!

As a matter of fact, I have some pics of a recent shopping trip on my blog.


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

No way, he could get hurt.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

No, absolutely no. They ride in the cart till they're quite old (late 3 or 4). DD is 5 now and has to walk next to one of us. I don't even send her down the aisle and around the corner to find her dad.

I was not at all worried about DD being abducted, but she is a very strong-willed and independent child with a lot of energy and it just wasn't ever a safe or responsible possibility. She DID want out of the cart very early, but frankly we just never let her. Ever. Not once. Not till she was nearly 4, and even then, it became apparent that it was too early and she went back in the cart for a while. Even now I get embarrassed because she doens't always step aside for other shoppers or stockers quickly enough.

She knew it was a rule--at the grocery store, in the cart.

Even with a strong-willed child, you CAN make a few rules like this and expect them to be generally handled without much protest IF you are incredibly consistent every single time and never give in.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

In a grocery store, yes, my 2 yo and 4 yo can get out and walk around. Not run, scream and knock over the vegetable display. But walk, "read" labels, ask if we can have xy or z, pick out the peppers or bag of carrots. If they start shouting or running, I tell them to stop or they can get in the cart. Their choice. And so they have learned what they can, and can not do. That's how they learn, by doing, not by being forced in a cart. Though sometimes one or both of them are tired and actually prefer the cart, which is fine too.

DS is pretty laid back, but DD was, and is, a wild, speedy, screeching kid. So she ended up in the cart a lot. But she was always given the opportunity to walk freely first. And as she gets older, she is walking around picking out her own fruits and vegetables a lot more than she is in the cart.


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## jlobe (May 1, 2009)

There are so many shades of grey to this conversation, I'm really confused....

For us.... depends on age, depends on store, depends on risk, depends on my mood and ability to get things done, etc. There is no absolute answer to this one.









I do want to be considerate of other people and other shoppers; however, I am usually shopping by myself with two young children and quite frankly, I am a consumer of this store and others also need to be aware of my circumstances as well.


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## momtolivy (Jun 29, 2005)

My 3 and 4 year olds walk, while my 17mo generally sits in the cart. If it's empty and the little guy wants to get out and explore - sometimes I'll let him. Depends on the day...


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
DD's 16 months. We go to two supermarkets - a quiet, empty one and a huge noisy crowded one. At the latter, she stays in the pram, or if she gets upset I take her out and hold her. Even if DH is there, it's just too crowded and dangerous for her to be on the loose.

At the quiet supermarket, if DH and I are both there - yup, she can roam. We make sure one of us is right there with her, as she occasionally likes to pull things off shelves (although come to think of it, she's not too bad these days). She loves to gallop down an empty aisle, and giving her a bit of freedom means she's happy to be put back in the pram for the trip home (we usually shop at night, so it isn't always feasible for her to walk home with us - plus, the place is quieter). Because one of us is right there with her, she doesn't tend to get underfoot, and people she encounters tend to universally beam and say "Awww".










As an added measure we sometimes use the harness/leashy thing, or DH's "chivvying cane" which he uses to guide her in the right direction, which is hilarious to watch!

As a matter of fact, I have some pics of a recent shopping trip on my blog.

I just looked at your pictures, and I LOVE your tether!!!!! I think it's much better than having a small child extend her arm upwards all the time while holding the hand of a adult.

You know, I had forgotten about this thread until last night. I was doing my grocery shopping. Alone. Kid free.







:

Honestly, it was like a little slice of pure heaven.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jlobe* 
There are so many shades of grey to this conversation, I'm really confused....

For us.... depends on age, depends on store, depends on risk, depends on my mood and ability to get things done, etc. There is no absolute answer to this one.









I do want to be considerate of other people and other shoppers; however, I am usually shopping by myself with two young children and quite frankly, I am a consumer of this store and others also need to be aware of my circumstances as well.

And your depends would have driven Erica into a melt down. Like loraxc's dd, Erica was (and still is, you just don't grow out of your personality) a strong-willed child (add in difficult and defiant as well). She required consistency and an inflexible order in her world. It wasn't until she was an adult, that she was diagnosed with OCD.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jlobe* 
There are so many shades of grey to this conversation, I'm really confused....

For us.... depends on age, depends on store, depends on risk, depends on my mood and ability to get things done, etc. There is no absolute answer to this one.









I do want to be considerate of other people and other shoppers; however, I am usually shopping by myself with two young children and quite frankly, I am a consumer of this store and others also need to be aware of my circumstances as well.

I'm getting confused here, too. I think there is confusion over what exactly "explore" means (does it mean a child off on her own? does it mean another parent or guardian going along with? does it mean right beside mama/daddy shopping? does it mean treating property gently and putting things back where they belong? what kind of store are we talking about here--a crowded one, a grocer with lots of shopping carts, one that has lots of walking space and no carts, one that isn't crowded, etc.?). Our dd had huge sensory issues as an infant and young toddler (it wasn't until she was 18 months old that she could ride in the car for more than 10 minutes!) so the shopping cart was just never an option (she literally would have cried and screamed the entire trip, something that were ideologically against). We also could not carry her in a sling while shopping (again, sensory issue here) nor could we simply just carry her in arms, as she *had* to touch, explore, look at everything. A tether was also not an option, due to her sensory issue of hating being confined by anything. We often, for these reasons, just did not take her to the store until she was closer to 1.5 years old. At that point, we would take her and let one of us stay close to her at all times and talk to her about all of the interesting things she was seeing, while the other shopped. We did this until she was nearly 3 and would consent to ride in a shopping cart, which is what we now do at the grocer. At other stores, like department stores or places like Target, we sometimes use a cart (if we're just going to be quick), or let her explore a while on foot (if we're going to be a while). DD has never run in a store (even as a little) and she has always been paranoid of breaking anything, but that's just her personality.

My point in listing all of this is to point out that even in one family with one child there is no "concrete" answer to how to handle this situation. At different times there are different measures and different reasons for those measures. I have no issue with anyone who says that for their family they feel it's best to do (or not do) xyz, but I dislike blanket, generalized statements, such as "parents who let their children walk around outside of a shopping cart are being inconsiderate of other shoppers," (I'm not quoting anyone in particular here but rather the feeling I've gotten from some posts). Perhaps, the only alternative was to let the child scream in the shopping cart and I'm not sure that would have been more considerate to either other shoppers or to the child. There are just so many reasons why parents choose one action over another. I know there are parents out there who don't put a lot of thought into what they do, but there are also many parents who do.

For our family, we sometimes let dd explore at her own pace, sometimes not (depending on the store, how much time we have, etc.). Also, we are always with her (to make sure things don't get mishandled and to ensure her safety and that of other shoppers). I would not be comfortable letting her go out of eyesight at age 3, simply because I worry that she would get confused and upset if she couldn't find her way back to me. She's also still learning social courtesies, so I like someone with her to make sure she isn't in anyone's way and to help her ask politely if someone is in her way (the road goes both ways, I believe). I was nearly abducted as a child so although I try not to be paranoid it is something I think about, so my dd is less free-range than I'd like because of this. I wish that retailers and places of business would put more thought into making their establishments child-friendly (as in, having a play space, or keeping breakables higher up, having wide aisles, etc.). I realize that not every storekeeper can do this, especially small shopkeepers, but there are many larger retailers who could but choose not to. I just think the world would be a better place if people could focus less on dollar signs and focus more on community and experiences, and if people would have greater respect for children in particular. I agree with the poster who said that many people have such a negative view of children, as in believing the worst of them (that they will run around and break things, etc.), which is probably not the case for the majority of children out there.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
As a matter of fact, I have some pics of a recent shopping trip on my blog.

I love your husband's coat!


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LuxPerpetua* 
I wish that retailers and places of business would put more thought into making their establishments child-friendly (as in, having a play space, or keeping breakables higher up, having wide aisles, etc.). I realize that not every storekeeper can do this, especially small shopkeepers, but there are many larger retailers who could but choose not to. I just think the world would be a better place if people could focus less on dollar signs and focus more on community and experiences, and if people would have greater respect for children in particular. I agree with the poster who said that many people have such a negative view of children, as in believing the worst of them (that they will run around and break things, etc.), which is probably not the case for the majority of children out there.

I agree we're a community and a certain amount of support and tolerance would go a long way.

I think the question in some ways is whether stores are public, community spaces. For all the talk of the corporate citizen, I'm not really sure they are. On the one hand I think everyone has to eat, so supermarkets really should be the most tolerant spot - it's not like food is optional whether you're a slow, near-sighted senior or a toddler.

On the other hand, they are not benign entities nor is the space meant for any task other than selecting and purchasing food/product. Supermarkets in particular have deliberately placed "child-grab" items at child height (or cart height) - check out the placement of the most highly marketed-to-children items like sugared/character cereal, pasta, "fruit" snacks, etc. In certain areas of the store I think the hope is that the kids will explore, but not in a good way.

My local supermarket is all about the kids; they have kid-sized carts for them to push, and they put bins of Brand! New! Toys! right by the checkout - err, thanks.

I think a supermarket is a rich area to explore with one's kids, but I think it's important to remember that it's not designed for that purpose. My son isn't a very wild child, but there were several points in his toddler life and up to now (almost 4) where he really wasn't able to behave appropriately if he were down "exploring". End caps were a particular problem, as was the meat aisle (once he stuck his finger through the plastic wrap into raw chicken - oh joy! We bought the chicken. And hand sanitizer.







).

Basically I think if children really have true accidents, that's not their fault.

But if the kids are at an age where they can't follow directions a lot of the time, are getting increasingly wild or having a bad day, or if there aren't enough adults or older kids to truly supervise them, then we're talking about a foreseeable problem and I think at that point it's good for parents to stop the exploration. I think most people on the thread would agree.


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

It's easier said than done to make markets more child friendly. The reality is there are just going to be some places in this world that are not going to be child friendly.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamatoablessing* 
Actually, no.







I guess I'd never thought of it that way though. So from that perspective, you're right. It could happen to anyone. But I have definitely seen accidents (and destruction of my products) involving little ones. See my previous post about the toddler scaling one of my produce bins.









Have you considered a policy of not allowing children in the store?

To the OP,
I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. It is so dangerous to let your kid tear around a store unsupervised, but that is not what you are describing.
My oldest is 6 and I still put him in the cart a lot, but he has sensory issues and stores really spaz him out. He doesn't mind, though. I think he actually likes it better. I let my toddler (19 months) explore with me or dh closely supervising. Never ever ever out of arms reach.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Walking with me or a little bit ahead of me is fine. Running, not really. I think it can be dangerous for the child and for older costumers who the child may run into.

I work in a grocery store, and I don't mind kids jogging down the aisle, but full out running can be really dangerous for a child. I've seen a couple of kids get hit by a cart when they came tearing out of an aisle. And even if the person is going slow, it's still a pretty hard hit for a little kid. I also work in the aisle with all the vitamins, bodycare, and herbs. I certainly wouldn't want them to fall and smack their heads on one of the shelves. Ouch!


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mbhf* 
I'm not really sure what you're saying, since you started with how kids need to be allowed to participate but then ended saying you avoid letting your daughter participate.


I thought I was pretty clear about my feelings. It's important for kids to be allowed some autonomy based upon their particular maturity level. That is different for all kids. For my kid it's about 10 minutes tops. Of course, the next time I go to the store and she wants to go but I remind her that her behavior last time makes me hesitant to take her- well, that's a learning experience too.


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## Sionainne (Jan 23, 2008)

No, my kids are not allowed to run around a store. They know they always have to be where I can see them, and they me. This rule cuts out 95% of the running around. The other 5% of the time if they act up, I will leave the store. Sometimes we hang around outside and come back in if I feel we've come to an understanding, other times we just leave empty-handed. They are 5 and 3 yo.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sionainne* 
No, my kids are not allowed to run around a store. *They know they always have to be where I can see them, and they me. This rule cuts out 95% of the running around.* The other 5% of the time if they act up, I will leave the store. Sometimes we hang around outside and come back in if I feel we've come to an understanding, other times we just leave empty-handed. They are 5 and 3 yo.

YEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!! (I have 5, 3, and 2.5 months)

Not allowing kids to run around is not tantamount to having our kids shackled to the cart for an entire shopping trip. I expect my kids to treat the store, the other customers, and the contents with respect. If they don't we leave.

And please don't think that my kids are in any way perfect angles. Yesterday, we took the three of them to the hardware store to get some screws for some swing set anchors. There are many dangerous things in the store, and the aisles are very narrow, so it was my way (in the cart) or the highway (in the van). My oldest was fantastic, but my three year old was a nightmare - so out we went (with the baby). She screamed the entire way out (and boy did I get many







for taking her out), and she yelled even more so when I put her in her seat and buckled her up. But thems the rules (yep, and I make them). I am her parent and _not_ her friend, and as far as I am concerned, this was a VERY valuable learning experience. She learned that if she cannot behave appropriately, she will be removed. Period.

ETA: The 5 y/o stayed in the store to shop with Daddy.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
I'm thinking there are two different trains of t hought going on here. Actual RUNNING around willy-nilly and walking near mama. I'm in the walking near mama camp.

Same here.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LuxPerpetua* 
Yes. And there is a difference between quietly exploring with a parent watching and running around and tearing up things. My child would scream bloody murder until she was 2.5 if I ever put her in a shopping cart (or a sling!) so I felt it would be more considerate to others and interesting for dd if she had her freedom.

Yeah I'm noticing DD has this problem as well. She really wants to get out and see what's there, which usually means attempts to touch and see everything she can, not so much running around. So long as she keeps holding my hand, I usually can direct her around the store. But lordy, in the cart would be so much easier.


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