# Buried my angel today



## kt52484 (Jun 26, 2009)

I have never posted here before. I lost a baby at 8 weeks in December and had a D&C. I thought that this would be the hardest thing I would ever have to go through; losing the dreams of a child.

In the past three weeks I realized that while I still grieve for that little one, things can get much worse! Last Tuesday 6/23/09, my son David Michael Cripe was born at 17 weeks. He was 4oz and 7.75in long. He was perfect except that my water broke during week 14 and he died late week 16. We had made it past "the scary part" and had finally allowed ourselves to get (really) excited about this pregnancy. We saw David on the u/s several times because I had early bleeding. Everytime he was healthy and very active. He waved at us. At week 15 I was having a follow up u/s to check a cyst and was excited to see my little peanut again. I noticed that the baby was not moving as much...the doctor told me it was because i had no amniotic fluid and that my water must have broke. I was devastated!!! We waited until his heartbeat stopped. This was the hardest two weeks for me but I couldn't bring my self to terminate even though I knew he could not survive and that there were risks to myself. He was our dream come true.

I was induced last Monday after there was no heartbeat and he was born Tuesday morning. I got to hold him but only for a short time. I had a retained placenta and was bleeding profusely so I was rushed to surgery for a D&E. I feel like I did not get enough time to memorize him. I know that as small as he was, he was not much for others to look at. But to me, he was the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. I miss him sooo much! I never thought I could actually feel my heart break but I can and do everyday.

Today we buried David in a cemetary near our home. It has a section for perinatal and infant deaths called Babyland. It is a beautiful site. I feel like I needed to bury him so that nobody would ever forget him. I know that he was only 17 weeks...but I held him and he is my son! The graveside service was so hard for me! I just can't quite believe that he is gone. I hurt so much and ache to hold him one last time.

I am lucky to have the best husband in the world. Thank you all for sharing your stories! They have helped my through the last month, since I found out that he would not make it.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kt52484* 
Today we buried David in a cemetary near our home. It has a section for perinatal and infant deaths called Babyland. It is a beautiful site. I feel like I needed to bury him so that nobody would ever forget him. I know that he was only 17 weeks...but I held him and he is my son! The graveside service was so hard for me! I just can't quite believe that he is gone. I hurt so much and ache to hold him one last time.

Of course he is your son, Mama.








I am so very sorry for your loss and heartache.








David Michael


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

i'm so sorry for your loss.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i'm so sorry for your loss.


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## spicyrock (Apr 11, 2009)

oh, mama. I am so sorry for the loss of your son.


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## Pam_and_Abigail (Dec 2, 2002)

So sorry you lost your baby son.







s


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## RoseDuperre (Oct 15, 2007)

Heartbreaking. I am so, so sorry.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I'm so sorry mama. Did you get any pictures of him? I am sure he was beautiful. We lost our son past the "safe" point as well. He was, is, and always will be real. Your son is too. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. Sending you so much love.


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## earthmama4 (Oct 13, 2008)

He won't be forgotten. We visit my great-grandma's Baby Johnny's grave who was born sleeping in 1939 and leave flowers every year. May love and peace surround you and your family.


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## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

You were so, so brave to cherish those final weeks with your beautiful son. I'm so sorry for your loss.
David


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

I am so glad you were able to hold your precious little guy. Babyland sounds beautiful. God bless you and your husband.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

I'm so sorry, mama. So very sorry.







I'm sure he was beautiful and perfect and amazing! Please don't hesitate to share him with us... we're all proud of our lost little ones and love them to pieces.

Remembering







David Michael







:
with you today...


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## figuresk8ermom (Oct 31, 2008)

I am so sorry that you had to go through that.

You are not alone, we too buried our son Jacob at 18 wks and our daughter Jessie at 16 wks.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

i'm so sorry for both of your losses.


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## MamaMonica (Sep 22, 2002)

I'm so sorry for your losses


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I'm so, so sorry









I'm glad you got to hold your little one. When I lost my baby at 17 weeks, I found being able to spend some time with her was incredibly healing for me. I am so thankful I had the opportunity.

I'm wishing you peace, strength, and healing~
















for your precious David Michael


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry. I, too, lost one at 8 weeks in December. I can't image the hurt and pain you feel right now. I'm so sorry.


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## kt52484 (Jun 26, 2009)

Thank you all for the support! It was very nice to have a ceremony at the graveside. We almost did not and I think I would have regreted it. It was good to be able to say goodbye and 'I love you.' It is also nice to have a specific spot to visit him (the other option was burial with other late-miscarriages at a local cemetary). My husband was not very excited about the service but afterward was very happy that we had one. He carried David's casket to the grave from the car and he broke down. I know that it doesn't sound good that he did, but he had only cried a few times and always stopped himself. He let himself cry yesterday and I think it was very therapeutic for him. If you are reading this knowing that your baby will not make it, I encourage you to do all of the rituals that you want even though it is really hard to do. I know at the time you don't want to think about burying your baby and your dreams or even having pictures taken but they are so important afterward! The nurses told me that they would take a lot of pictures for me....I got three, two of which were blurry. I now wish I had known about Now I lay Me Down To Sleep. I know that they say 24 weeks is the cut-off, but I talked to one photographer after the fact and she said she would have come. I can't describe how much I miss him but it is nice that my family was able to say good-bye at the service because they never got to see him at the hospital. I think it made him more real for the family. Thank you again for all of your support and if you are here you have probably faced a loss and I am so sorry for your losses and here they will never be forgotten or minimalized.

Katie
Mother to Angel (12/23/08 - 8 weeks) and Angel David Michael (6/23/09-17 weeks).


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## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

I couldn't read nand not post.

I am so saddened and sorry for your loss
*hugs*


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so sorry


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kt52484* 
I know that he was only 17 weeks...but I held him and he is my son!

Absolutely! My midwife kept telling me the whole time I was waiting to birth Casey that it doesn't matter if it's 6 weeks, 10 weeks, 20 weeks, or 40 weeks....it's all the same pain! I am so glad she repeated that to me, it makes sense. Loosing your child is painful no matter what.








s to you Katie, I am so deeply sorry you are going through this, I do sincerely wish you peace and healing.

Please also know that it's OK to be sad and angry and weak. You do not need to be strong, you are grieving....you be what you need to be to get through each minute of each day.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry you lost your precious son.
















David Michael


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## Sunflower223 (Feb 22, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss mama. The loss of a child is a terrible experience that no one should ever have to go through.Please feel free to post as much as you would like, many of us have experienced the same thing and know how important to talk about the feelings.


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## 3boobykins (Nov 21, 2001)




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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Oh, I am so, so sorry for the heart break your feeling. No words are going to make you feel better right now, but know that you are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers. I wish you healing, strength and peace. I'm glad you have such a supportive husband. David (as well as your other child) will always be with you in your heart. I'm thinking of you and of them,


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

huge huge hugs to you. David will never ever be forgotten. with very much love...


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## kt52484 (Jun 26, 2009)

Thank you all so much! This has been very therapeutic for me. I have been having a hard time talking to people about how hard it has been but writing about it has really helped me to get in touch with my feelings about losing David. I also like that as I read your posts, I can remember your lost loves by saying their names outloud. That way they are never forgotten. The idea that David will be forgotten is so hard for me, this is my way of saying that I will do my part to never let yours be forgotten even though we don't know each other, you and your children are in my heart always.

Love, Katie


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

I'm so very sorry, mama. My heart goes out to you.














David will always be with you.







:








David Michael


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## 2sweetboysmom (Aug 1, 2006)

I too burried my little boy. I lost him at 15 weeks. He is as much our child as any living, why would we not honor his short life?
I am so glad you had an opportunity to hold your David Michael. Those moments were of infinite value to me.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so very sorry for both of your losses.


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