# I think my baby is gone



## guestmama9908 (Jan 23, 2007)

I found out I was pregnant towards the end of May. No definitive dates as I haven't had AF visit since 2004. I finally got into the midwife last week. They did an ultrasound and found a huge hematoma that was bigger than the baby in my uterus. Then they drew an HCG level. They called today to tell me that based on when I got my positive test that my HCG should be MUCH higher. My level was only at 600 according to the blood test.

They have made another appointment on the 22nd for me to go back in and have more blood work and an ultrasound done.

I am so sad and I have been crying all afternoon since I found out. I had multiple miscarriages before my DS was born, two late at 22 weeks and 25 weeks.

I called my husband because I really needed him today. He was completely unsupportive and told me that "I don't understand why you are upset about something you can't do anything about."

I am sad! This was a baby, MY baby and now it may not be. I wish he understood.

Thanks for reading.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

I wish I had more to say but I just don't. I get it, though.


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## purplegirl (Apr 5, 2004)

You have every right to mourn. He's responding like a man which is, if you can't fix it, move on. It's an emotional experience that makes it difficult to simply accept and move on.


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## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

I'm so sorry Molly, you have every right to feel how you do.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

I pm'd you my number although I totally understand if you just don't feel up to talking. Just know that I care.


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## christinespurlock (Oct 10, 2006)

Hi,
My husband and our 2 year old are so close. When I lost this baby two weeks ago I thought he'd morn too, at least cry a little bit. He felt bad for me but felt no connection to this unborn child. Now you can tell he's just not getting my pain and is expecting me to move on a bit. I'm so sorry your husband is not being there for you. It's so hard but I have just learned sometimes you just need to find support in other places. I took a good friend with me to my D & C. I just needed someone to cry with me. And she was the right person. I hope that he can be there for you more, but remember sometimes a best friend or mom, sister, can fill those shoes better. We are also here for you.
Christine


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

-Angela


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## robertsmama (Jan 20, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your losses, and I hope things turn out ok. And as previous posters have said, I hope you can find the support you need, if not from your dh, then from someone who understands a bit more. Hugs to you, mama.


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## guestmama9908 (Jan 23, 2007)

Thannk you all.


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## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)




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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I am so sorry. I have never been through a loss of a baby, but the though of it is making my eyes tear. Take care of yourself.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Though it's no excuse, I think it's really difficult for men to understand how we feel. From the very moment we even suspect we are pregnant, hopes and dreams for what is to come grow in our hearts. Every moment we are aware we are carrying and nourishing another life within us.

Someone who hasn't ever done this cannot know how it feels. I am sorry you are not finding the support you need in your husband right now. Perhaps he'll come around a bit. Try in the meantime to find another to cry with. I am really sorry you are going through this.


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)




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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

A big hug from me if you don't mind me crying all over you.


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## sewinmama (May 3, 2004)

Huge hugs! I hope he catches on at some point. My DP keeps telling people, I'm the Daddy, I'm hurting too! People seem to only want to comfort me. We all need it though. It has been 2.5 weeks since our Chloe was stillborn.

Our prayers are with you.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Colleen


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

: I'm so sorry, mama. I wish I could give you a big hug IRL.


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## lisabc311 (May 18, 2003)

I recognize your name from the February board, which I lurked on. I was due on Feb. 1st and just found out yesterday that my baby is no longer alive. I am waiting to miscarry naturally.

So I understand what you are going through and I wanted to send you some hugs and support. PM me if you want to talk. I have also had multiple miscarriages in the past and I know this pain all too well.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I'm so sorry mama.







s


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

HUGS honey....and try to be gentle with yourself AND your dh. My dh was very supportive and upset over our 20 week loss, but our early 3-5 week misscarriage in May was difficult for him in that he was barely used to the idea ( we knew a week) and hadn't developed a bond with the baby. AND the wounds from our loss in Feb. was still fresh.

BIG HUGS







to you and have you and your sweet babe in my thoughts.


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## gerlassie (May 26, 2007)

My husband didn't understand why I wasn't more upset. When I got the bad news that my pregnancy was failing my Midwife spent quite a bit of time speaking with me. She completely prepared me for what was going to happen, gave me some options and then we decided on which route to take. Fortunately, I had her support, she even called me several times to see how I was doing. Since I knew what to expect, I was able to come to terms and deal with my m/c before it began. I turned my grieving into focusing on my boys. The more time I spent with them and keeping busy really helped me get through it. That's not to say that I wasn't devistated, I was, and it was horrible but, I knew that everything was going to be alright. My husband, spent his grieving in a bottle of scotch feeling sorry for himself. Instead of isolating himself, I would rather he had been more supportive and focused on our family. But, one thing I have learned is that everyone has a different was of dealing with loss and who am I to judge someone else's way of grieving.

Kim
( Daniel 6 and David 2 )


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## politys (Oct 25, 2005)

We're always here for you if you need to talk. You are not alone. I (and so many others here) know how painful it is. We found out about our missed miscarriage two weeks ago today, I began to miscarry naturally a few days later, and a week ago had a D&C to complete. I've never been so sad. Remember, as other women have suggested, men often grieve differently. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or isn't upset. Perhaps he is having a hard time with his complete lack of control over the situation...

Hugs and thinking of you


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## guestmama9908 (Jan 23, 2007)

Just wanted to update everybody. I began to actually miscarry on Friday evening. Saturday I began to have some massive labor type contractions. I was incredibly nauseous and sick feeling on top of them. I got some very clogged ducts in my right breast and I was miserable. I ended up passing what was a tiny little baby in its sac Saturday night. It was the most incredibly strange thing to see. The LO was basically just a tiny little baby. It had little hands and little feet and a little face. It reminded me of one of those teeny tiny baby dolls I used to buy at the toy store as a little girl.

Seeing that perfect little one almost made it too real for me.

My DP is really upset now. I think before he actually saw the baby he could distance himself from the whole thing and didn't have to think about it being "real". I think seeing that made it very real to him. He has been being very supportive and good to me since then.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and support everyone.

I want more children but now I am very afraid to try again. I don't want to go through this again.







:


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## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.









I wish you and your DH peace...























Michele


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## dawn1221 (Sep 27, 2006)

So, so sorry about your loss.

Peace to you and your family.

Dawn


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## Penelope (Jul 22, 2003)

Mama, I'm so sorry. Wishing you peace.


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

I'm so sorry.


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## ChattyCat (Sep 7, 2004)

I am so very sorry.


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## ChattyCat (Sep 7, 2004)

I am so very sorry.


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## DarkHorseMama (Mar 8, 2003)

I think that since men don't go through the whole hormone swing and body-preps, they (generally) do not "get" the pregnancy in the earliest stages. My body knew, and told me, I was pregnant long before a test confirmed it. DH had none of that physical stuff to make it real until I started showing.

When your DH observed a physical component to it, your labor and the subsequent viewing of the fetus, I'm sure it did hit him between the eyes in a way it couldn't have before.

Sorry about the m/c.







Give yourself some time and space to grieve.


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## Aurora (May 1, 2002)

mama. You are in my thoughts.


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

Oh mama, I am so very sorry.


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## Fish Face (Jul 6, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss, mama.







:


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## beansavi (Jun 26, 2005)

I am thinking about you. Sometimes husbands can be such buttheads. Mine was like that during a similar situation, but I have come to understand after all these years, that is the way he handles intense grief. He covers up everything behind acting like an ass.

Then he grieves much later, after he knows I am okay. It seems so backwards, I know. Perhaps your dh is a little like this?

Either way, you need loving arms around you and all the support you can get.
I am here for you if you need anything, even though you don't know me.

~Bean


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## HRC121799 (Aug 8, 2003)

I am so, so sorry for your loss. {{hugs}}


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CalenandEllasmomma* 
I want more children but now I am very afraid to try again. I don't want to go through this again.







:


Molly,

I went through these very same feleings. I'm sure most of the women here will agree.

I just could not bear the thought of trying again so soon after the loss of Adia. I would have been due in March 06 and I felt like I needed to leave a spot in the family for her, as if she had survived. After March 06, it took 10 mos before I finally got pregnant again. (Now due in October.)

Before I got pregnant, though, I had the hardest time just functioning and dealing with life. (Alcohol was a permanent accessory.) Whatever happens, watever you go through, you're not alone. And I strongly encourage you both to get counseling. It really really helps. I didn't start seeing a counselor till January THIS YEAR and I am so pleased that I did. I wish we'd started seeing the counselor sooner. He's been truly a Godsend for our family in every sense.

As for the loss itself, we buried Adia in a little craft box from Walmart out in Uvalde on my il's property. (They have several acres out there and it's undisturbed.) It feels like a necessary part of healing for us. Even the kids seem to need it. She WAS part of our family, even if she wasn't born yet.


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## EENS (Jul 8, 2005)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## laralee16 (Nov 12, 2005)

Im so sorry mama. Hugs


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## cocopop71 (Jul 24, 2006)

Although you deserve so much more. I'm so sorry.


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## meisterfrau (Sep 24, 2005)

I'm so sorry to hear this.









Wishing you and your DH love and healing.


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## mommycakes (Sep 21, 2005)

Oh, momma, I'm just so sorry.

Peace.


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## eviesingleton (Jan 18, 2007)




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## ap mom (Dec 23, 2006)

I am so very sorry.


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## GoodWillHunter (Mar 14, 2003)

sending you peace, my friend.


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## Leta (Dec 6, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I am so sorry


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