# Super moody 5 year old!!



## GoldBerry (Oct 4, 2004)

Please help, mamas! I need the advice and I need to vent a bit!

My daughter is 5 and has always been very verbal and bright. 50% of the time she is insightful and a delight. But, it's the other 50 % that is driving me mad!

*Whining and complaining
*Arguing/debating with me until I loose my patience
*Telling me not to sing or to shut off my music
*Wants me to have a constant dialog with her
*Will not share crayons and such with her younger sister
*Gets all moody- everything is bad and unfair
*Wants to play war/fighting games which I hate

Please help. I feel like sometimes I don't like being with her and then I feel terrible. Advice????


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## SleeplessMommy (Jul 16, 2005)

One TINY thing that has helped with our 3-year old:

"R____, you are welcome to whine, but you have to do it in the hallway." The hallway is our "official" whining location. not allowed anywhere else!

(In case anyone thinks I am being mean here, this is a HOUSE hallway, not an apartment hallway)

Also, we put objects in time-out.


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## Kelso (Jan 28, 2002)

When dd was 5 she went through this and ds is going through it now. When dd was going through it (she's 7yo now), I read something about how when they're 5, they have a hormone surge similar to the one they get in their teens. Before I read this, I said, 'Its like she's 15yo and not 5yo'. It's like it's practice for adolescents (sp?). Adolecence is testing and practice for separating from your parents and when you think about it, 5 is another time of big separation, and when they go to school and start to get their own friends, whose parents you might not know, etc... Pretty much all the behavior you put in your OP is stuff you might say about a 15yo as well. When ds does things he knows he shouldn't and we ask him about it, he knows he shouldn't do 'xyz', but he doesnt' know why he did it--very teenage!! Anyway, I know this doesn't help you with what to do, but you're not the only one!!
One thing that helps us is lots of outside activities and also some 'quiet time', which is really quiet time for mom. They must play in their rooms for 1/2 hour or so, alone. They can put on CDs that they like, read books, or just play with animals or dolls or cars, etc.... Then after a while, they can/must play together, without fighting. If there is an argument, they are supposed to solve it themselves (doesn't always happen!!!). Anyway, the real purpose is for me to have some time in each day, that I can either do something or nothing (semi)uninterrupted, and for them to learn to get along with each other without me always intervening. It's hard to always like being with your child when they don't seem to like/care about you. Getting even just a bit of time to yourself can really help. Also ds doesn't like to be alone at all and dd could be on her own all day long if I let her. This gives ds some time to learn to play on his own and develop his own imagination and ways to play. Anyway, this is getting rambling, so I'll go now, but I hope you can get something from this post, even if it's only that you are not alone in this.







Kelso


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## CelticMomma (Feb 3, 2006)

Oh, you are describing my daughter EXACTLY! She's only 4.5 but she hit that stage about 4-5 months ago. We've come through it mostly, but there are still a lot of things we're working on. How old is your younger daughter? I have a son who started really getting into her things about the same time she started acting this way, so I wonder if that has something to do with it. For the record, my DS is 18 months old now, but this started when he was about 13 months.

I was really hating being around my DD, too. I had lost the joy of being her mother. So, I really made a focused effort to find it again. One thing we did, and it probably has the biggest impact, is my husband and I take turns taking her out for breakfast on Saturdays. We tried this when the baby was younger, but she only missed him. Now she sees it as something special. We also try to do an activity together while we're out, like Michael's has a kid craft on Saturday mornings, or Lowe's has a kid craft once a month, or we go to the library or something. It's really helped give her some one on one attention and it's dramatically improved my DH's relationship with her.

Another thing that has helped is finding her a friend that I trade childcare with. One day a week this friend comes to our house and plays for a few hours, and another day a week my DD goes to hers and I get some alone time with my toddler.







It's been really nice for her to have some independent time away from me, and to have an age appropriate playmate, which I confess she has been without for a few years now. I just haven't known any kids her age that I met with regularly for a while. But now, it's a top priority.

I don't understand the singing thing. My DD does it too. I generally say that I enjoy the music too, and I can't help myself. Maybe we can take turns? Sometimes that solves it and makes it a game. But, mostly, she just gets irate. I'd love some advice about that.

I'm also not allowed to look at her when she finally decides to do whatever it is that needs doing - could be putting on shoes, picking up something, taking her plate in from the table, whatever. I try to respect her wishes, and think maybe there's something she is trying out.

And, the constant dialog is driving me batty. She talks non stop and wants me to talk back to her non stop. Sometimes I find myself answering her without really realizing what I am saying. I *have* to pay more attention and not do that! I've said okay to all sorts of things and then we have to renegotiate afterwards. Ugh!

One other thing that's going on for us is constant touching. I will be sleeping, and will wake up to her rubbing a spot on my back. It gives me the creeps! She will probably have been rubbing that spot for 15 minutes before I wake up enough to stop her. But, she also is always climbing on me, or sitting in my lap, or has to have something touching me. I'm really working on being okay with this, and am trying to give her more touch than she was getting, but it's hard since her little brother still nurses like a newborn. I get all touched out by the end of the day!

Anyway, hope I didn't hijack too much. Just want to say I am right there with you. We've had some successes and it's getting much better, but there's still some stuff we're working through. (((HUGS)))


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## GoldBerry (Oct 4, 2004)

Thank you, mamas! It really does help to know that it is not just my daughter. Hormones make sense because she does seem like a teenager. She tells me that I embarrass her! She's five for goodness sake!

Celticmomma~ too bad we can't get these girls together!







So your daughter does the not allowing you to sing thing too? How weird! Today she told me to tell her a story and she interrupted me every five seconds saying,"No, that didn't happen-". But, she did not want to tell a story! Yes, the talking- it's not just blah,blah,blah- she wants me engaged...{sigh}

My younger daughter is 20 months- she has been getting into her sisters stuff for awhile. Over the last week they seem to be fighting more. I try to stay out of it, but its hard.

On the flip side, the older dd has been spending some alone time in her room, playing with the cat. She has never done that before.

Thanks for the support! All suggestions welcome!


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

My daughter was extremely moody at 5. She had emotional outbursts and ran to her room a lot. I would offer to come in and give her a hug. I offered to leave her alone if she wanted, which is usually how she felt. When she was ready, she'd come out and sit in my lap and we'd talk about what upset her.

Anything could set her off but it was usually some physical or developmental limitation that started the tears. For example, when she couldn't win a game even when we tried to slant it her way. In that respect, we bought some co-operative games and it surely helped with that. It was also at this age that she began to want to stay home most of the time. She still doesn't like "going out." We ask her to go out with us for lunch once a week but usually, she only goes out to visit friends these days. (My husband is semi-retired and therefore at home a lot so I have the luxury of running errands alone and not having to force her to go with me) Listen to your daughter and follow her lead.

(Note: 6 was a dream. Now my d is 7, the moodiness is starting all over again!)


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## AmandasMom (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CelticMomma*
One other thing that's going on for us is constant touching. I will be sleeping, and will wake up to her rubbing a spot on my back. It gives me the creeps! She will probably have been rubbing that spot for 15 minutes before I wake up enough to stop her. But, she also is always climbing on me, or sitting in my lap, or has to have something touching me. I'm really working on being okay with this, and am trying to give her more touch than she was getting, but it's hard since her litte brother still nurses like a newborn. I get all touched out by the end of the day!

My daughter does this too. I made it great by giving her a bottle of lotion and letting her go for it. so at least 3 times a day, i get lotion rubbed on my back as well as a backscratch!!! Can't beat that!


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## CelticMomma (Feb 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Salvia*
On the flip side, the older dd has been spending some alone time in her room, playing with the cat. She has never done that before.

Thanks for the support! All suggestions welcome!

You reminded me of something we did that has made a HUGE difference. We have a massive closet and don't use all the space, so I set up a comfy corner for my DD. There are pillows, blankets, a basket of books and things that she likes to cuddle. We call it her "special place". She goes in there to read in the morning before I get up, or if she has some discipline issues and needs to calm down, or if she's just feeling like the world is too much, she disappears into her "special place" and calms down. I never make her go in there, I don't want it to have any negative connotations, although I do suggest it from time to time "Do you think you'd like to go to your special place?". She goes in willingly and comes out refreshed. It's been outstanding.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmandasMom*
My daughter does this too. I made it great by giving her a bottle of lotion and letting her go for it. so at least 3 times a day, i get lotion rubbed on my back as well as a backscratch!!! Can't beat that!

Oh my gosh! That's brilliant! I will have to try that. I'm actually looking forward to the next time she needs to have her hands on me. That's exactly what I needed to hear.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

My 5yo does the same thing! I swear, she talks back so much and it drives me crazy.


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## littletree (Mar 27, 2003)

OK, I was just gonig to start a thread just like this. I was hoping this was just a phase. DD is 4.5 and has always been very verbal and open with her feelings. Lately though she's been snapping. If she's the least bit upset she melts down. Also if she's doing something she's not supposed to and I start to talk to he about is she'll cut me of yelling "I know! Don't tell me that!" it drives me nuts! She's never been like this and it's really hard. I know it's probably because I've been working a lot and my job is over in May so that's good. Untill then we've been trying to work it out.
If she want to yell and scream she can do it in her room. Whenever she's ready to talk she knows I'm there to listen and cuddle. We've also been spending all the extra time together that we can, days off and playing hooky (ok in preschool).
I'm scared for teen years!


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## GoldBerry (Oct 4, 2004)

Yes, on good days I consider this training for her teen years!

I remember reading an older parenting book that showed the first ten years in a back and forth pattern between difficult and non-difficult times. I thought it was wacky at the time, but it does seem like we have an easy 6 months or so, then a difficult time.

Another question: how do you keep your cool? Is it possible to not let my dd's bad mood get to me? I usually can for awhile, but not long enough.


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## 13moons (Aug 9, 2002)

Hey Salvia! I feel your pain, sister. I remember when my girls were that age and going throught the same stuff. ugh. It was really hard to deal with but it does pass. I did also find that making sure I had one-on-one time with each one helped. Now that the girls are a little older--11.5 and 8.5--I can look back and see the patterns of behavior through the years. It has affected them a little differently since they are different people but it has affected them both nonetheless. Ds is going though some of this stuff right now too--the constant talking, the "Mom could you please stop singing?" which I don't think I'm capable of







, but it's not the same as it was with the girls.

I have found the series Your One Year-Old, Your Two Year-Old, etc. of books to be helpful (check the library!







) NOT for the suggestions of how to deal with the behavior but because they seem to be pretty good at identifying a lot of typical behavioral patterns and traits of different ages so that after I read them, I feel better knowing that the behaviors are typical and will likely pass.


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## GoldBerry (Oct 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *13moons*
I have found the series Your One Year-Old, Your Two Year-Old, etc. of books to be helpful (check the library!







)

Hi, you look different in a new thread.







I think this may have been the book I was talking about- I'll check it out again as I need reminding often. Yes, and you know me- big library lover!


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Salvia*
Another question: how do you keep your cool? Is it possible to not let my dd's bad mood get to me? I usually can for awhile, but not long enough.










Well, moods tend to affect the other people in the house unless you're super enlightened LOL which I'm not.

If she wants to hang out with me, then it's hard sometimes to be patient. I try my best. I wouldn't want someone being impatient with me if I were the one in the bad mood. If she wants to be alone, then I just get interested in one of my hobbies and we do our own thing for a bit. At that age, she liked to work side by side with me on something. Actually, it helped her when she could DO something, whether it be walking around and screaming/crying to get it all out or working on a craft. Usually when the emotional part passed, she could talk about it and move on.

Hugs, mama!


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