# "Fussing" when they mean CRYING.



## fuller2 (Nov 7, 2004)

This is just a vent. I cannot stand it when people suddenly refer to crying as "fussing" when they want to excuse the fact that they are leaving a baby to cry. Any other time, crying is crying--but as soon as it becomes crying for a reason that the adults think is illegitimate, it becomes "fussing." I often hear it as in "Well, when you put them down they sometimes fuss for a while, but that's normal." It makes me CRAZY for some reason. My long-time digust with Orwellian doublespeak I guess. Blagh!! Not to mention that "fussing" is a really condesending term to use. (I just heard it again recently from someone in my family which is why it's bugging me right now...)


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## bandgeek (Sep 12, 2006)

And "popping" instead of "hitting". "Oh, just give her a pop on the hand if she doesn't listen." Be an adult, call it what it is! HITTING!

I love it when people say "spanking isn't hitting". Um, ok.









I hate the "fussing" thing too. I don't know a single baby that would just "fuss" if their needs went un-met. Most would "fuss", then cry, and then *scream* before they pass out.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

It bugs me too--surprisingly, I see it a lot on this board.







:


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## NinaBruja (Jan 19, 2004)

i always though "fussing" was when a baby is talking angrily...
like how "cooing" is happy baby speaking...
but i still dont like the term... i prefer to say the baby is angry...
i think "fussing" makes less of a baby's real feelings of discontent...


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

well I think there IS a difference and I DID on occasion not freak out if my babies were fussing and I couldnt/chose no to run right to them.... often times if they were tired and fussed a little, they would fall asleep before I got there. I think there IS a difference between fussing and crying. That is that when a baby fusses they may be complaining a bit, they may be getting comfortable, they may be just using up a little energy. When a baby cries there is really something wrong that needs to be addressed whether they are wet, gassy or just lonely.... there is a difference to me. A 20 seconds of fussing is so different than even 20 seconds of crying, and it is a difference of how I respond.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angela&avery* 
I think there IS a difference between fussing and crying.

Me too. What I define as "fussing" is NOT the same as crying. Fussing, to me, is squirming, grunting, and like the above poster mentioned, cooing but not in a necessarily happy tone. Certainly not crying.

Having said that, I do understand what you mean about how people all of a sudden change terms around to suit them, but I wouldn't go so far so to say that fussing is a condescending term, at least not when used to describe an action completely separate from crying (like I do).


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

"Crying" and "fussing" ARE different - but are BOTH needs that MUST be met!


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## mika85 (Aug 9, 2006)

people just use "nicer" words to make light of their parenting methods, to make it seem not so bad. i think in their heart of hearts they know its wrong to let the baby CIO or to spank. they just use words like "popping" or "fussing" in place of "smacking" or "crying" so it doesn't seem like such a big deal, and to make themselves feel better about it.







:


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## Lazyhead (Mar 27, 2006)

When DD was an infant and she'd be "fussing" and I would go to pick her up or take her from whoever was holding her people would always say "She's just talking." My standard response was "Yeah, she's talking about how she's starting to cry!"


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## Miasmamma (Sep 20, 2006)

My dad never seems to hear Mia when she starts to fuss. I always pick her up or take her back the moment I hear it since it normally means she's on the verge of starving to death. He always says that she was fine and he didn't hear a thing. I am sometimes tempted to let her go for a minute so he can "hear" her then. But since I can't, he'll just have to go on being a deaf grandpa. I'm not sure he's used to a totally breastfed baby either. I think it's that she content to be held by someone else as long as I'm not close, but the moment she sees of hears me she wants to be with me. Oh well, we like it!


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## northwoods1995 (Nov 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mika85* 
people just use "nicer" words to make light of their parenting methods, to make it seem not so bad. i think in their heart of hearts they know its wrong to let the baby CIO or to spank. they just use words like "popping" or "fussing" in place of "smacking" or "crying" so it doesn't seem like such a big deal, and to make themselves feel better about it.







:

Yeah, that.


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## ibex67 (Feb 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angela&avery* 
well I think there IS a difference and I DID on occasion not freak out if my babies were fussing and I couldnt/chose no to run right to them.... often times if they were tired and fussed a little, they would fall asleep before I got there. I think there IS a difference between fussing and crying. That is that when a baby fusses they may be complaining a bit, they may be getting comfortable, they may be just using up a little energy. When a baby cries there is really something wrong that needs to be addressed whether they are wet, gassy or just lonely.... there is a difference to me. A 20 seconds of fussing is so different than even 20 seconds of crying, and it is a difference of how I respond.


ITA. Even in my 5 week old there is a difference and I can hear it immediately.


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## ibex67 (Feb 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lazyhead* 
When DD was an infant and she'd be "fussing" and I would go to pick her up or take her from whoever was holding her people would always say "She's just talking." My standard response was "Yeah, she's talking about how she's starting to cry!"


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
"Crying" and "fussing" ARE different - but are BOTH needs that MUST be met!

True. But, dd and ds2 both _fuss_ to sleep - whether they're by themselves, in arms, or lying between me and dh in bed. If ds2 falls asleep at the breast, and I transfer him to the couch or the bed, he _always_ fusses (ie. wiggles a little, makes a few little noises) for a moment. Then he settles right back to sleep. I don't do anything to intervene, aside from maybe patting him on the bum, because I know he doesn't need anything - he's just making himself comfortable and settling in. He does it every night at bedtime, too...breaks off the breast, rolls over and fusses for a bit before falling asleep.

I don't see anything wrong with describing that as "fussing", either. I'd describe it that way if dh or ds1 (13) did it...and I describe it that way when I do it


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
True. But, dd and ds2 both _fuss_ to sleep - whether they're by themselves, in arms, or lying between me and dh in bed. If ds2 falls asleep at the breast, and I transfer him to the couch or the bed, he _always_ fusses (ie. wiggles a little, makes a few little noises) for a moment. Then he settles right back to sleep. I don't do anything to intervene, aside from maybe patting him on the bum, because I know he doesn't need anything - he's just making himself comfortable and settling in. He does it every night at bedtime, too...breaks off the breast, rolls over and fusses for a bit before falling asleep.

I don't see anything wrong with describing that as "fussing", either. I'd describe it that way if dh or ds1 (13) did it...and I describe it that way when I do it


That's valid...and also quite different than ignoring an upset child which, I am assuming, the OP meant.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

i use the word fussing.....because ds has a definate fake fussy cry.....and his real one, which is never ignored unless I am unable to get to him right away.

ds also "fusses" all night long in his sleep.


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## Knittin' in the Shade (Feb 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
"Crying" and "fussing" ARE different - but are BOTH needs that MUST be met!

Yep, I agree completely. I've had two of my guys who I'd call "fussers" that no matter what you did to sooth them, when they were doing the fussy stuff, the best you could do was just hold them till it passed. Now, when they CRIED, it was most often for a specific reason - a diaper needed changing, they were hungry, or overstimulated. But the fussy stuff was just what I think of a babay's way of letting off steam (kinda like me letting go of a series of expletives in the locked bathroom where no one can hear me, LOL!) it's no less valid a need, but just a different one that I often felt like I couldn't "fix" like the cry needs. So, they'd go in the sling and just be allowed to feel whatever they were feeling until the fussy spell passed


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## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
Me too. What I define as "fussing" is NOT the same as crying. Fussing, to me, is squirming, grunting, and like the above poster mentioned, cooing but not in a necessarily happy tone. Certainly not crying.

Having said that, I do understand what you mean about how people all of a sudden change terms around to suit them, but I wouldn't go so far so to say that fussing is a condescending term, at least not when used to describe an action completely separate from crying (like I do).









: coulden't have said it better.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Another ditto from me that there is a big difference between fussing and crying.

And my response to each is different. Heck, my 10 month old has different forms of crying too - and depending on the cry or fuss, I will:
* ignore it (the mild "I'm frustrated" fuss that generally resolves itself in a matter of seconds);
* call out or check on him (the more urgent "I am frustrated or bored" cry);
* pick him up ("I am hungry, tired, scared, etc"); or
* RUN TO HIS SIDE ("I hurt myself").

I don't believe in cry it out. But when I hear my baby cry in the middle of the night (he sleeps in a sidecar/crib attached to our bed), I wait 10 seconds. If he cries again, he gets picked up, nursed, held, etc. If he fusses, I'll pat his belly and see if he goes back to sleep - if not, he gets picked up, etc. Sometimes he just cries out in his sleep and doesn't really need me.

Siobhan


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fuller2* 
This is just a vent. I cannot stand it when people suddenly refer to crying as "fussing" when they want to excuse the fact that they are leaving a baby to cry.











I hear "fuss" used quite a bit on MDC, IRL and on other message boards and I often wonder exactly what the mama means by "fuss." Sure, my ds fusses and I don't always drop and run when he does (depending on the situation and the kind of fussing), so I'm not saying that I think it is wrong to tell a truly "fussing" baby to hang in there for just a sec. But some of the scenarios described make me wonder if the mama said fuss but really means cry and they are just trying to soften it. Usually, I hear mamas use fuss when they talk about how their babies put themselves to sleep--they just put them in the crib or bed or whatever and turn on the mobile. In the beginning the babies fussed a bit but now they put themselves to sleep, no problem. I'm sure there are some easygoing, naturally good sleepers out there, but as often as I hear this I wonder if wither they really meant they used CIO or if I have the only baby in the world who would be red faced and sobbing his heart out if I tried something like that.

When I say fussing I either mean sitting there with a cross look on his face and letting out a yell, or thrashing around in his sleep a lot, or when he starts squawking that he's done with his dinner or something.


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## ibex67 (Feb 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
I'm sure there are some easygoing, naturally good sleepers out there, but as often as I hear this I wonder if wither they really meant they used CIO or if I have the only baby in the world who would be red faced and sobbing his heart out if I tried something like that.

Wow. I have a hard time believing that anyone would call that fussing -- but maybe i am naive...

to me fussing is that "eh. eh. eh." unhappy noise -- not a full-throated cry...

nak


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## Wolfcat (Jan 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
"Crying" and "fussing" ARE different - but are BOTH needs that MUST be met!

ITA


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## lotsofkids (Aug 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *siobhang* 
Another ditto from me that there is a big difference between fussing and crying.

And my response to each is different. Heck, my 10 month old has different forms of crying too - and depending on the cry or fuss, I will:
* ignore it (the mild "I'm frustrated" fuss that generally resolves itself in a matter of seconds);
* call out or check on him (the more urgent "I am frustrated or bored" cry);
* pick him up ("I am hungry, tired, scared, etc"); or
* RUN TO HIS SIDE ("I hurt myself").

I don't believe in cry it out. But when I hear my baby cry in the middle of the night (he sleeps in a sidecar/crib attached to our bed), I wait 10 seconds. If he cries again, he gets picked up, nursed, held, etc. If he fusses, I'll pat his belly and see if he goes back to sleep - if not, he gets picked up, etc. Sometimes he just cries out in his sleep and doesn't really need me.

Siobhan

This is an excellent interpretation and the difference between an in-tune mother and one that's not. I consider "fussing" a form of complaining. After all, they can't speak and it is silly to think that they are in a good mood all the time. We aren't, are we? Doesn't it feel good sometimes to bitch and get it out? What a stress reliever! Ask my DH he'll tell ya? LOL! I think babies do it too. I think we are all born to do that. It's not crying. Crying is for a need.

I have one DD who was born a fusser. She LIKES to fuss and now that she is 7, still complains a lot. It's just her personality. (I wonder where she got that from?) There is a big difference between crying and fussing, and knowing that difference is the key to good parenting, especially as they get older and knowing if they are complaining because they need something, or because they WANT something.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

ds loves to fuss, he starts complaining to his toys, throwing them around sometimes if hes mad about falling on his booty after standing, he complains about not getting comfy enough in bed, he complains about the covers, he complains about no covers, he fusses through diaper changes.......

but hes not crying, hes just letting his opinion be known.


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## Victorian (Jan 2, 2003)

I agree that *fussing* is used a lot by parents that don't want to say crying.

For example, one I see on MDC a lot is:

"we are nightweaning, so DH carries around the baby, while he fusses. Last night he fussed from 1-4 in the morning"

I think that it is different than the baby that is complaining a little that the ole' bra strap is not coming down fast enough.

CIO is CIO no matter how it is done.

V.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Victorian* 
I agree that *fussing* is used a lot by parents that don't want to say crying.

For example, one I see on MDC a lot is:

"we are nightweaning, so DH carries around the baby, while he fusses. Last night he fussed from 1-4 in the morning"

I think that it is different than the baby that is complaining a little that the ole' bra strap is not coming down fast enough.

CIO is CIO no matter how it is done.

V.

that is awful, I havent seen that before, but I also dont look around at every post.

I agree, when people use it in that context, it iss definatly trying to lessen the emotion. ds CRYS to sleep in my arms sometimes, but I freely admit hes crying, meanwhile, he fusses during his sleep or even while playing, and thats no concern.


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