# How to teach a 10 month old?



## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

My son is 10 months and obviously, already starting to get into things he shouldn't. He likes to bite the coffee table, or bite dad, or grab things he shouldn't. You name it. Typical 10 month old stuff.
How do I teach him no? It seems so easy and effective to give him a little tap on the hand... is that bad? How should I do this?


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Do me a favor.

Demonstrate "no" to me. Can you act out "No"? What about "Don't"? Can you act out what it looks like to obey the command "don't"?

Ok then, just use your words. Post a reply to me describing what "no" and "don't" look like. You may not use the words "No" or "don't".

I'm not being sarcastic or difficult, I'm serious









Think about how hard it is for you, as an adult, to demonstrate "No" or "Don't". Now imagine how difficult it is for an infant to do the same.

Instead, focus on telling what TO do.

"DS can bite this toy, this is a biting toy"
"DS can have xyz, here you go"

Please don't 'tap' him on the hand.







That teaches him his mama will hit him and nothing more. Teach him what he CAN do and that will go miles towards improvement


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Ok so basically what you are saying is say "no" and give him something else to bite? That's doable.







thanks


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

That's not what I'm saying









Tell him what TO do. Stop telling him No and Don't.

Seriously...try to explain what "No" and "don't" look like in your post? It's really hard, if not impossible. We're adults. If I can't demonstrate "No" and "Don't" then how can an infant?

So stop using those words. Tell him what he CAN do. He bites you/dad/toes (my 18mo old went through a toe fetish...yowzer!) and you say Ouch! Biting Hurts! Here, bite this teether (demonstrate biting teether), it's ok to bite teethers!

Focus on what he CAN do, stop focusing on what you want him to NOT do.

Does that make more sense?


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Oh now I see. You're saying not to say "don't" ie, negative, but "do this instead," ie, positive.
Do you think he's a bit young for that yet though? he's only 10 months. I'm no sure he can understand much past the basic "yes" and "no." Maybe I'm selling him short?


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Being completely honest...yes you're selling him short









If he's too young to understand "do this" than he's DEFINITELY too young to understand "No, don't do this". Because comprehending a negative statement is MUCH more difficult.

All of that aside, my 18mo old was right where yours is about eight months ago...they get it







Telling them what TO do, and offering a big distraction, makes a big difference.

HTH mama, this too shall pass!


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

How do you keep consistant with it? DS was reaching for something only moments after I read this and right away I was like "no no no." It's SO hard to get out of the habbit!

And how do you get dh on the bandwagon? He already thinks I'm a little nuts (I think) because I said no more "tapping" the hand a few weeks ago.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

I'm 3 months ahead of you and I've already learned that they DON'T know what the heck mama is talking about


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

I agree with the other advice. Show/tell him what he can do and don't "tap" him! I read a great book...Discipline without Distress...which basically says that prior to age two, you need to think about discipline as just damage control. You're not really "teaching" them so much at this age or really expecting their behavior to change. They need to explore their world and can't remember NOT to do certain things even when you tell them again and again. Just have to keep doing it until they're older. It also said they really don't understand that "no" means "not do" until closer to two, so again, I'd redirect him and get him interested in something that he can do. Good luck.


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

^^^ah. That explains why he repeatedly crawls under teh computer to grab the wires.









Think I can get that book at the library? (we don't have tons of money to buy books impulsively. lol.)


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## Shami (Oct 9, 2007)

Remember he has absolutely zero impulse control until past the toddler stage. Even is he does understand "no" he cannot control himself, nor can he remember at this age.
For your own sanity stay away from the constsant "no's" and "don'ts".
Your best bet is to redirect/direct and tell him what TO DO.

This is only a stage and it will pass. I did not use no or don't with my dd. She will be two in a few days, and I am very happy with her ability to follow my directions (with a little help of course). I think that cognitively it helped her to learn how to follow directions because I started from the time she was crawling and getting into everything. Oh, and about the 'getting into everything' phase, that is his job. This is how he learns about his little universe by touching, chewing, seeing, climbing, throwing. So, try and do a switch in your brain from, 'he is being disobedient' to 'he is learning his environment'. Also, he has to do things repeatedly in order to learn it (whatever it is). This is why toddlers want to watch the same video a million times and they never tire of it. They learn by repitition.
Hope this helps. Hang in there.


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

That does make a lot of sense. And just for the record. I didn't mean "getting into everything" in a derogatory way. I do know he's exploring.








But yea that does make sense why, when I say "noooo..." he looks at me and crawls faster LOL. (it's super cute, though sometimes frustrating)

So I was trying to figure out how to get DH on bored without sounding nutty ( I keep coming up with all these parenting tips, I don't want to seem controlling...) but I read him this :
Remember he has absolutely zero impulse control until past the toddler stage. Even is he does understand "no" he cannot control himself, nor can he remember at this age.
For your own sanity stay away from the constsant "no's" and "don'ts".
Your best bet is to redirect/direct and tell him what TO DO.

And he's right on board








Thanks girls!!

I've also realized that in the past, when he HAS stopped doing something when I said no, it was only because he was looking at me because I was talking. That's correct, isn't it?


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## accountclosed2 (May 28, 2007)

Yes, that is correct. Your child does understand a lot of what you are saying, and will understand even more over the next few months. He will understand instructions (but not necessarily understand why he should follow them!







), but only as long as they are clear and simple: "Can you see the ball? Go get the ball." or "Lets make a tower with these blocks. Can you pick up the ball? "Ow, that hurts. We can hit the drum instead, like this".

The more we talk to our babies, the more they pick up laguage. Complicated parts of language, however (like negated statement, no and don't), are not that easy to pick up, as they are very abstract. So they mean very little, as opposed to the concrete parts of a sentence (i.e. "pick flowers"). As a result, saying "Don't pick the flowers" to my 19-month-old is a sure-fire way to make sure the flowers get picked!


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## EzzysMom (Mar 24, 2008)

I found the word 'stop' to be helpful to get me to transition from saying 'no' so much. Now I try to reserve it for more dangerous situations. I find it makes me a happier person too to not say 'no' so much


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EzzysMom* 
I found the word 'stop' to be helpful to get me to transition from saying 'no' so much. Now I try to reserve it for more dangerous situations. I find it makes me a happier person too to not say 'no' so much



















My 9 month old is starting to understand that "stop!" is important--I use it for when she's about to throw herself off of the couch/bed, or when she grabs glasses off of faces. These are important enough to warrant "stop!"

For things she shouldn't have, I remove them and replace them with something else or another interesting thing to occupy her (like a wooden spoon, whatever).

For pinching/biting/kicking, we say "ouch, that hurts!" and move her/us away so that the fun of the painful activity ends.

We're also signing some of this, even though she doesn't seem to get it yet. Stop and hurt are pretty easy signs, so I'm hoping she'll get them soon. good luck with your LO. I know it can be a painful stage!


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Thanks girls. This is my first venture over to "gentle disclipline" and I'm learning so much.







I finally understand what you're saying about "demontrating no." It's not an action you can show them. So that's why they don't understand it at this age.

I'm already feeling like a burden was lifted, no longer trying in vain to teach him "no."
I'm interested in teaching him signs too. My friend taught her LO signs, like "cherios" (well, cereal) and her daughter could sign it before she could say more than like, 10 words. So I've been browsing the website a little.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

I am so glad you're feeling better! I felt so liberated when I let go of the old 'norms' of punitive parenting. Baby signs are a HUGE help for us. My 18mo old has been signing since she was about 5 months old, and at around 10-12 months she had about 15-20 signs I think? Now she's got about 40+. We went to the zoo a couple weeks ago and she was able to sign that she wanted to go see the monkeys, then after that the butterflies, and then she wanted to ride in the stroller because she was tired but wanted to see the tigers. She can ask for a specific person to play a specific game/toy with her, she tells us when she wants her diaper changed (and now she signs potty too...loads of fun LOL) and even what she wants to eat (apple vs sandwich etc).

Makes it a LOT easier to figure out what she wants/needs, and really cuts down on the frustration based tantrums!

Keep us posted mama, good luck and I'm so happy for your family that you are starting on the GD path!


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

The other big idea that is coupled with this is YOUR ABILITY TO CONTROL THE ENVIRONMENT. Since you already understand that he doesn't really "get" no AND even if he did, the lack of impulse control cannot override the desire to explore, besides finding the right words and the right frame of mine, you can prevent a lot of it by changing his space. If computer wires are a problem, organize and tie them up. Or put up a baby gate. If reaching things on tables or putting dangerous things in his mouth are times you find yourself chasing him saying "no", it is time to put all that stuff away (for now at least). Gates and locks can save sanity, as you won't be saying "no" (or anything else along those lines) nearly as much if you create an environment where he IS free to explore. Toys and safe things down low. All else, up high or locked away.

You will find that this theme will persist in parenting and in gentle discipline. The idea is to create an environment where your child is safe, can try out new things and will not need an abundance of "correction". No yelling, "no", "tapping" or anything else needed. It is much easier to explain things to them and be patient with their learning if the consequences are not disasterous or too upsetting. And with your forethought and arrangement of the environment, that can happen pretty often.


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

That is true. We are having a hard time baby proofing though. We have 2 flights of stairs so we'd kinda need 4 gates. And the one set of stairs only has a portion of a wall, so nothing to attatch a gat to, at the bottom, KWIM? He LOVES climbing the stairs. And I let him do so. But man I don't have time for him to do it 500 times a day.
Also, under the computer, the plug is visible, and lotsa wires, and a speaker control box. No real place to move it. MAYbe we could hide it somehow. I tried throwing a blanket over the speaker but that's probably a fire hazard. Plus he can still see teh outlet and what's plugged into it so, off he goes! Maybe I can nail somethign to the backboard....

The TV has a playstation and lotsa wires. We want to sell it for a wall mountable one but can't find a buyer.

Uh what else. There's no doorway to the laundry room. I layed the ironing board on it's side, and that seems to stop him. But he's getting strong enough to move it now... Plus I'm going to trip one day...
anyways if he gets in there, there's cat litter, storage, empty beer cases... He'd have a hay day. I mean. I'm ALWAYS here with him so he won't be able to but man. We need to figure out a system.

Oh can crap. Forget about talking on the fone in his presence. He HAS to have the phone. Press the bottons.. chew it.. He actually called my FIL one time by hitting "send" twice.







FIL thought it was pretty hilarious.

Ugh. We have a second computer that isn't used, the side board is broken off (because it overheats, dh took it off) adn the doors that computer table are also off.







I don't know how I'd cover that up. All though he doesn't seem too interested as of yet.

I have infinate baby proofing to do I guess.

Any tips are welcome lol. (keep in mind we don't have much money for play yards, etc...)


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Baby and toddler proofing is great! I didn't do it forever because I didn't want to spend the money or the time, but I have found it to be so helpful. For probably around $50, we bought four $10 gates, and then dummy plugs for the electric sockets, and locks for all of the unsafe/don't want messed up drawers/cabinets/entertainment center, etc. My son is 18 months and is a lot less irritated if he just "can't" get in to something than if I am standing there holding it shut or moving him away from it.

As for the Discipline without Distress book, you might be able to find it at the library....otherwise probably used on amazon.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

I'm sorry. It does sound like a challenge. But really, everyone will ultimately be happier if you can figure it out. Baby gates aren't usually too expensive (maybe $20 new?). You also might be able to find them through thrift shops, freecycle or craigslist. And we are big "closet shovers". A closet or an unused room can store a bunch of stuff until you can find a more permanent solution. It kind of stinks, but the alternatives aren't fun either. A good gate or cabinet lock can save a thousand "no's" (not to mention potentially prevent injury).

We had a hard baby gate situation into our kitchen and laundry room area. We ended up spending a bunch of money on a very big, sturdy gate that can open and close. You know, out of all the baby junk we've ever bought, that was the best investment. Kids will get into these "trouble spots" for years before they gain the control and understanding not to hurt themselves. We've used it for 2 kids now. So, see it as an investment, as you will still want to keep your 2 yr old out of the same spots!

The phone... well. That happens!


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

They are a lot more than $20 new, here. Maybe the cheapest of the cheap. Most are closer to 50. But even 20, times 4, is 80 (almost 100 with tax) more than we have. lol. Stupid mat leave just ran out. Used might be doable though.









We did get locks for kitchen cupboards, and new outlet covers (the kind where you just slide them sideways (SO awesome)) But yea. I guess we have a few more things to do. It'll be worth it.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Babies are capable of controlling some impulses, some of the time-they just aren't as good at it as older people. Babies are capable of learning that something they do causes something else to happen-they just aren't familiar with as many action-reaction pairs as older people, and they don't have as much logical reasoning ability. These are skills that develop gradually, so we can work to encourage them rather than assuming they don't exist.

What we did for babyproofing was to move the things that either (a) he could damage quickly and we'd be really upset if he did or (b) he was consistently finding hard to resist. More details here. It's funny how much we had learned about this by having a pet rabbit pre-parenthood.







When the rabbit started to nibble something we did not want nibbled, we'd pick him up, face him away from the thing, and offer him something nibblable. For some objects, he learned right away to leave them alone. Other things were just too tempting, and he'd go back to them over and over again until we moved or obstructed them. It was just like this with a baby...except that after a few years he developed comprehension far above the rabbit level!









I feel there are *three basic steps to handling objectionable toddler behavior*, two of which are optional depending on the situation:

1. The firm objection. Optional; use if behavior needs to stop immediately.
Example: "







OWWW!! Let go of my hair!!"

2. The redirection to a positive behavior.
Example: "







Touch gently."

3. The consequence. Optional; use if behavior is persistent or if consequence is unavoidable.
Example: "







When you pull my hair, I don't feel like holding you."
Another example: "Because you broke the jar, you'll have to stay in here alone while I go sweep up."

It can help a lot to assume that your child has some sense about safety, instead of assuming that he's ALWAYS going to hurt himself or break things. Often, if I resisted the urge to say "No!" right away and gave my son a chance to show me what he actually was going to do, I found that it was different from what I feared. For example, I kept stopping him from grabbing the phone cord near where it attaches to the wall because I was afraid he'd yank it and damage the flimsy plastic thing that holds it in. When I finally let him handle it without interference, I found that what he wanted to do was to hold the slightly slack cord about 6 inches from the outlet and shake it up and down in a joyful manner. That doesn't hurt anything. The yanking I'd seen him do before was all caused by my attempts to make him let go!


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
Other things were just too tempting, and he'd go back to them over and over again until we moved or obstructed them.

This is so like my cats. I've taught them not to bite me, but there's certain things they simply can't resist. lol.

That's good information to know, thanks.


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## ErinYay (Aug 21, 2008)

And even if the baby has no concept of "no, don't," vs "yes, do this instead," you're building good habits for yourself! How many parents do we all know of who have to break their own habit of "no, no, no, no, I said NO!"? Lots. Starting with offering positive alternatives earlier is a lot easier and more productive over time than having to work on correcting YOURSELF and the behavior.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
Babies are capable of controlling some impulses, some of the time-they just aren't as good at it as older people. Babies are capable of learning that something they do causes something else to happen-they just aren't familiar with as many action-reaction pairs as older people, and they don't have as much logical reasoning ability. These are skills that develop gradually, so we can work to encourage them rather than assuming they don't exist.

What we did for babyproofing was to move the things that either (a) he could damage quickly and we'd be really upset if he did or (b) he was consistently finding hard to resist. More details here. It's funny how much we had learned about this by having a pet rabbit pre-parenthood.







When the rabbit started to nibble something we did not want nibbled, we'd pick him up, face him away from the thing, and offer him something nibblable. For some objects, he learned right away to leave them alone. Other things were just too tempting, and he'd go back to them over and over again until we moved or obstructed them. It was just like this with a baby...except that after a few years he developed comprehension far above the rabbit level!









I feel there are *three basic steps to handling objectionable toddler behavior*, two of which are optional depending on the situation:

1. The firm objection. Optional; use if behavior needs to stop immediately.
Example: "







OWWW!! Let go of my hair!!"

2. The redirection to a positive behavior.
Example: "







Touch gently."

3. The consequence. Optional; use if behavior is persistent or if consequence is unavoidable.
Example: "







When you pull my hair, I don't feel like holding you."
Another example: "Because you broke the jar, you'll have to stay in here alone while I go sweep up."

It can help a lot to assume that your child has some sense about safety, instead of assuming that he's ALWAYS going to hurt himself or break things. Often, if I resisted the urge to say "No!" right away and gave my son a chance to show me what he actually was going to do, I found that it was different from what I feared. For example, I kept stopping him from grabbing the phone cord near where it attaches to the wall because I was afraid he'd yank it and damage the flimsy plastic thing that holds it in. When I finally let him handle it without interference, I found that what he wanted to do was to hold the slightly slack cord about 6 inches from the outlet and shake it up and down in a joyful manner. That doesn't hurt anything. The yanking I'd seen him do before was all caused by my attempts to make him let go!









This is a great post, much more clear than the way I was explaining it! Thanks for sharing this awesome advice!


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Yes I read the article now. Very interesting. I guess they do have some concept of consequences very early on, but not too many. At 10 months, William doesn't have many. So it's still much easier to redirect him (like the cd's) than to try tell him no, since he can't resist anyways.
By 15 months it looks like he'll have a lot more impulse control.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

By 15 months it looks like he'll have a lot more impulse control.
He might have a lot more; he might have only a little more. Kids vary widely. The important thing to know is that he DOES have a little bit already and he WILL learn more with time. There will still be challenges in this area for several years at least, but the challenges CHANGE over time, so at least you won't be removing his jaws from the coffee table every freaking day a few months from now--you'll get some variety!


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

LOL. Yea thank goodness for that.

And what's his facination with the remotes? We have old remoets we give him but he wants THEEESE remotes..
He sees mom and dad using them and he needs them.







lol


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bcblondie* 
LOL. Yea thank goodness for that.

And what's his facination with the remotes? We have old remoets we give him but he wants THEEESE remotes..
He sees mom and dad using them and he needs them.







lol

Because THESE remotes make the tv do funny things







. My DS is a remote fiend. Now, we just take one of the batteries out and give it to him.


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

I guess that's the same thing as the new cell phones / vs teh ones we give him lol. He called grampa one time. Grampa liked that.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

This is the answer to that question








Quote:


Originally Posted by *bcblondie* 
He sees mom and dad using them and he needs them.







lol

You are his favourite people in the whole world. He wants to do everything you do.


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

This is all so interesting! My dd is 10 months too, but I really feel like she *is* teachable already.

DH has a bad habit of letting change fall out of his pockets all over the place. Of course DD finds pennies etc and I'm always lunging to get them from her before she puts them in her mouth. But lately, after having to actually go in and remove a couple from her mouth that I didn't see her get (yes I've talked to DH about the danger of dropping change around!!







), and taking them out of her hand if she does get one, she's stopped reaching for the coins!

I've even purposefully left a couple around lately when I was watching her closely, and she just ignores them. That's not to say she wouldn't grab one if I left her alone long enough with one, but she really does seem not to be interested.

She also seems to have learned not to touch the toilet when she's standing in the bathroom. She still has to hold onto things to walk, so the toilet is right at her level to hold on to, but I'm always trying to divert her from it and now she just doesn't go near it.

That's all a long way of saying I agree that sometimes babies this age CAN understand or at least get certain messages/learn certain behaviors. Biting my boobs is another thing DD has learned not to do, which I'm clearly verrrrry grateful for as those top 2/bottom 2 teeth pack quite a punch when the clamp down together!


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LROM* 
This is all so interesting! My dd is 10 months too, but I really feel like she *is* teachable already.

DH has a bad habit of letting change fall out of his pockets all over the place. Of course DD finds pennies etc and I'm always lunging to get them from her before she puts them in her mouth. But lately, after having to actually go in and remove a couple from her mouth that I didn't see her get (yes I've talked to DH about the danger of dropping change around!!







), and taking them out of her hand if she does get one, she's stopped reaching for the coins!

I've even purposefully left a couple around lately when I was watching her closely, and she just ignores them. That's not to say she wouldn't grab one if I left her alone long enough with one, but she really does seem not to be interested.

She also seems to have learned not to touch the toilet when she's standing in the bathroom. She still has to hold onto things to walk, so the toilet is right at her level to hold on to, but I'm always trying to divert her from it and now she just doesn't go near it.

That's all a long way of saying I agree that sometimes babies this age CAN understand or at least get certain messages/learn certain behaviors. Biting my boobs is another thing DD has learned not to do, which I'm clearly verrrrry grateful for as those top 2/bottom 2 teeth pack quite a punch when the clamp down together!

My DS has 8 teeth so I hear you! Seriously painful. I think my immediate "OW!!"'s taught him quickly.

I do agree babies have some understanding of cause and effect / consequences. But right now they are few for most kids. And some that they do understand, they still don't have the impulse control not to do w/e it is.

How did you get her to not touch the toilet? I need a shower!!! lol.

Katelove we LOVE being his fave people


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bcblondie* 
By 15 months it looks like he'll have a lot more impulse control.


This cracked me up! I actually laughed out loud! Let's talk in 5 months







.

Really, for quite a few years, impulse control is an issue that must be considered. This is why kids who "know better" will still chase a ball into the road or dart across a parking lot to get to a parent's car when they *know* they can be hurt in the street. A 15 month old may have more social awareness and *may* be able to stop themselves from doing *some* things, but they are unable to truly understand the rules (they can say in their little brains- "no pennies" but since their understanding is limited, that "rule" may not apply to marbles, pills, etc.). And though they may be able to control *impulses*, sometimes social "needs" take over. Toddlers will run away from you laughing while you are screaming for them to come back. It's a game, and they're having fun, they are interested in your response, and that is the end of the story as far as they are concerned. Toddlers are notoriously self-centered, as empathy takes a little longer to develop, so a lot of social issues we think we can stop with a "don't hit" are not really ready to be fully heard or understood for a while yet.

So even though technically, they *may* have more impulse control, don't count on a 15 month old really being able to understand and follow directions. There is too much going on then too for them to do as you ask. Keep your "direction following, impulse control" standards low until about 3 yrs old!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I've found that "aaaaaack!!" is sufficiently interesting to give me a couple extra seconds to dash across the room and remove the terribly interesting and fragile object from baby fingers.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alexsam* 
This cracked me up! I actually laughed out loud! Let's talk in 5 months







.

Really, for quite a few years, impulse control is an issue that must be considered. This is why kids who "know better" will still chase a ball into the road or dart across a parking lot to get to a parent's car when they *know* they can be hurt in the street.

The "kids dart" billboards all have 4-6 year olds on them. I'm hoping, though, that by that age she'll stop deliberately walking towards the street while fully aware of what she's doing.

Oh, and as an example, because alternatives to "no no no" is the topic of this thread, I say "roads are for cars, sidewalks are for babies" herd/move her to face where we want to go, and say "we're walking THIS way". And if she persists, I carry her until she starts looking ahead at something interesting and then put her down until the next danger point (why oh why does she insist on going *down* driveways??)


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bcblondie* 
They are a lot more than $20 new, here. Maybe the cheapest of the cheap.

This is the sort I bought Yeah, you have to step over it, but for making an area off-limits to a toddler while still keeping line of sight while you do what have you, it's great.

I use ours to keep the doors to the cat food open for the cats and closed to the toddler.


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

Alexsam No need to laugh







I just said 15 months because the child in the article learned quite a bit more by that age. I know each child is different. And I'm also not expecting him to magically obey every command in 5 months. But he WILL get better with each month, I'm sure of it. Baby steps.

Saphire That does look like a decent gate. We're going to need SOMETHIGN for our sanity sake. Moving the pack and play in the way of the stairs is getting annoying.








lol on the ack. I say that sometimes. Or "bah." Thank you for the other suggestions. We're having a hard time breaking the habit of "no" and "don't." We try to say "owie" if it's something that can hurt him. Or "that's for mommies" if he grabs something he shouldn't.

I welcome more suggestions for alternatives to "no."


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Also remember, if you take action, it lets you just narrate what you're doing.

Like Theoretica's example of giving a toy that's okay to bite. "here, you can bite this" as you hand over the good toy.

Also, practice. After you've said "no" (







'should have said XYZ') leave the interesting object at his level and when he goes for it again say "XYZ".

And rehearse stuff in advance of when you expect a response. Like, I'm saying the "roads are for cars" stuff now when she does not get it at all, because that way it'll be a habit when she can get it.

Ditto the validating stuff. "I hear that you're mad, but we need to get home" or what have you. It's more a 2-4 year old thing, but doing it now should (














mean that I have that skill when it comes to it.

Check out "Becoming the Parent you Want to Be" and Naomi Aldort's book whose title escapes me at the moment.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Oh









Also, if you have situations where it's hard to think of what to say instead of "no", post a thread.

Really, at 10 months, you could replace most "no"s with "look at THIS!"


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

That's a good idea to get into the habit of saying those types of things now. It just makes for conversation/stimulation also, double bonus


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

Oh, no! I'm not laughing AT you! Gosh- these are the times I hate the internet. Writing just doesn't have the same "voice"







.

I suppose I was thinking of my son as a 15 month old and thinking impulse control was the last thing I would think of







. So it made me laugh







.


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## bcblondie (Jun 9, 2009)

That's ok. I just didn't want you to think I thought all my problems would be solved when he turns 15 months lol.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

Tee hee! Nope


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