# 7 year old still co-sleeping-is that bad?



## Chakra (Sep 7, 2006)

My son who is seven still co sleeps. He is scared to sleep in his own room. Not only scared but I feel there are other issues with his past. When he was a baby through 18 months his father (who is gone now) was abusive and we finally left. I was a single mom for a long time and he always co slept. I married two years ago and have a 18 month old w/ my hubby. I think he feels left out that my 18 month old co sleeps and his dad sleeps on the floor. So he justs sleeps w/ me. I dont mind.

Hes so scared of the dark and to be alone. How can I fix that?

My issue is when I was pregnant w/ him I was trapped in a house fire. My ex's neice was too and no one could find her and she passed away. I remember peiople running through the burning house looking for her and when they found her it was to late. I'm so scared that might happen and just feel safe w/ my kids in my room. How do i let that fear go?


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I dont think its a bad thing at all and it sounds like both of you have your own fears connected to this.
Right now what is important is that you both feel safe together - co sleeping is working to produce that and honestly I think its the best medication for both of you! Your son will sleep alone in his own time, when he is ready. I cant say when - but I am pretty certain I can reassure you he wont still be sleeping with you when he is 30!!! hehe Right now you are fixing that. He is having a positive and healthy attatchment relationship with you - gaining trust and independence that he will one day feel confident enough to branch away a bit.
Not exactly the same but the same idea - I started working weekends when my son was about 17 months of age. Up to this point he was very independent for his age, etc...but this just rocked our boat a bit. It set us back a few steps. Thats okay. I know though that it means we will be at things for a bit longer. At 17 months he was at the point of starting off in his own bed then coming in with us halfway through the night. Now he is back with us again all night from the start till the morning. I am not going to push it - I know why and its, like in your sitution - medication for both of us! It will 'fix' itself in its own time. It may take awhile, but I am here as long a I have to be for that!








However - talking together (at a level he can understand) can only help. Maybe not now - but sometime. Its always good to talk. Hear his fears and understand and maybe he wants to hear yours as well.


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## ChristianMomOf2 (Jul 30, 2007)

If this is something you want, I would start (if you have room at all) by putting a twin mattress on the floor in your room... see how it goes... take baby steps.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Sounds like things are working right now.

-Angela


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Add another bed and cram them both in the same room so you all can sleep together. We did that w/ 2 queens when ours were 2 and 3 yrs old. Now, at 7, 6, and 2 mos, the 2 mo old is in our bed and the 6 and 7 yr olds only a year and a half ago got their own individual beds. And they still climb into bed with us frequently.








because you've clearly been through quite a lot!! I can't say I'd do anything different.


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## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

Chakra, we also cosleep with our 7 y/o. We have a twin next to the queen which the 12 y/o occassionally occupies. Both children have their own room, but they are happy and peaceful when we are together. I say if it feels comfortable for both of you and you are sleeping well, it's great. I love snuggling with my little boy


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

if it aint broke dont fix it. i dont see any problems and things are working for you.


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## debbieh (Apr 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom4tot* 
Chakra, we also cosleep with our 7 y/o. We have a twin next to the queen which the 12 y/o occassionally occupies. Both children have their own room, but they are happy and peaceful when we are together. I say if it feels comfortable for both of you and you are sleeping well, it's great. I love snuggling with my little boy

















:
We also co slept with our dd (who's 17 yo now), when she was this age, by having a twin bed next to our king bed. After she decided that she wanted to start sleeping in her own room, I laid with her till she went to sleep for probably a good year. Did she really need me to? Probably not, but I loved the quiet time that she and I shared just before she dropped off to sleep.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

If you're asking if 7 is too old, I'd say no.

I'm sure he'll tell you if he starts feeling uncomfortable with it. Until then, co-sleep away!


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## debe (Jan 30, 2007)

I say no it is not too old and I agree with ann of loxley.


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## SquibsNCrackers (Oct 21, 2005)

Seven is not too old. You might consider getting wall-to-wall beds. Not kidding!


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Justthatgirl* 
Add another bed and cram them both in the same room so you all can sleep together.








because you've clearly been through quite a lot!! I can't say I'd do anything different.

I think the extra bed in the room is a good idea. Then there is room for everyone.


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## Momalea (Dec 29, 2002)

My 7yo co-sleeps in a twin that is right next to our queen. It works well for us and if it makes you and your ds feel safer then I wouldn't worry about changing a thing. He'll know when he's ready to move out of the room and then it won't be scary or hard for him.


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## MichaelsSahm (May 11, 2006)

My 5 y/o has his twin attached to our queen sized bed. It feels good to me, it feels good to him and my husband has no problem with it, then why not?
I mean, who wants to sleep alone? Why is it ok for animals to sleep in bed but not for kids? Do what makes you and your DC happy, that is all that matters.

I didn't sleep alone until I was close to 12. And even then when it was just me and my mom at home I would sleep with her.


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

I know seven year olds who still nursed.







Co-sleeping is natural. Sleeping separately is a cultural construct.

You might check into EFT or homeopathy regarding finding peace about your past experiences.

Also, Bach Flower remedies could help with fears. Check the remedy finders (first 3 links) for selecting a Bach Flower for your particular situation:

http://www.ainsworths.com/remedy/default.aspx

http://www.naturallythinking.co.uk/p...dyfinder.shtml

http://www.essencesonline.com/qnr1-SelfEval.html

http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm

http://www.bachflower.com/38_Essences.htm

Pat


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## susiecreamcheese (Sep 14, 2007)

What a horrible experience to go through in the fire.







For safety's sake, you can get fire safety stickers to put in your bedroom windows so the fire department knows which rooms are bedrooms, so they can check those rooms first, in case of a fire. I envision my 5yo son will be sleeping with us for years...he is sensitive, fearful of the dark, and loves to snuggle. We have a twin pushed up against our king...wall to wall beds in our room.







Our 3yo daughter sleeps between my husband and me. I have also thought about moving the twin away from our bed, but keeping it in the room. I just can't bring myself to do it...my little guy is such a snuggler.


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## Mina (Sep 8, 2002)

Nah, I don't think it's too old. He will come to outgrow it in his own time. 7 is still pretty young. As long as he has his own bed, so he can choose to sleep elsewhere, I see nothing is wrong with it.


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## verde (Feb 11, 2007)

You're both fine. If this is any comfort, I know a woman who told me her son coslept with them until her was 10 y/o. "He's 15 now and he's great." Relax.


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## abitofcrunchmama (Jan 21, 2008)

Just to echo, what others have posted...if it works for the both of you, why change it.

I co-slept with my parents until I was 10. Then one day, I decided it was time for me to sleep in my own room. You do what works for your family, ya know? (Although, my parents still joke as to why I'm an only child...now I just joke back and tell them they should have been more creative.







)


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chakra* 
My issue is when I was pregnant w/ him I was trapped in a house fire. My ex's neice was too and no one could find her and she passed away. I remember peiople running through the burning house looking for her and when they found her it was to late. I'm so scared that might happen and just feel safe w/ my kids in my room. How do i let that fear go?

I agree with the PPs that if it's working out right now, don't worry about it. I guarantee he'll be out of there by the time he hits puberty.









However, check yourself and make sure you're not putting out signals to him because of your own fears. He could be clinging to you because he senses YOU'RE not ready to let him go. But with the changes in the household, it's probably what you said, just him feeling a little left out.


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## Crystal Pegasus (Jan 24, 2008)

My son has only just started sleeping in his own room over the last couple of weeks, since we have moved into a new house... and he is 13 years old!! He had a couple of short bouts of sleeping alone over the years, but came back to us. It wasn't in the same bed- he had his own mattress.

There were various reasons from the past why he felt better/safer with us (depression), but even if there had been no reason, he would have been welcome to stay. I didn't even want him to go now, but didn't say so of course, except to agree I missed him, when he asked, but he was ready to try. He got his room all set up the way he wanted, so I guess he felt it was time to move on. No traumas from forcing the issue- and unfortunately we did at one point, when he was about 8 (my husband thought it was time, especially as he wanted to talk all night, and kept my husband awake when he had to be up very early) and it was disastrous! Never again! But, this time... *in his own time*... no problems.

So, no I don't think he's too old. I would leave it up to him, when he is ready, unless you have a good reason to do otherwise. Of course, grandparents, friends etc often have a hard time grasping the idea. We had ongoing disapproval and adverse comments. Ah well... the trials of us who "dare to be different" and follow what we think is right, rather than be a sheep along the well trodden path of normality.


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## Mamatolea (Jan 17, 2007)

You do what is best for you and your family. If it works for you, then do it! There is no hard and fast rule for when to stop co-sleeping and I think that DS will let you know when he is ready to stop.

And perhaps it might be good to talk to someone about the fire fears. Even if it is just a trusted friend, it might help to talk it out.


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