# Military Moms: July-August



## ~Katie~

So I finally realized it was July, welcome to a new thread!

Quick intro - I'm Katie, currently located at Fort Bragg where we've lived for about 2 years. My DH is an Army officer and got back from deployment in April. Next year we're moving back to NY where he'll join his National Guard unit to finish out his last three years, then we'll go from there.

Hello again to all the newcomers!


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## MaerynPearl

Subbing!

Hard to believe its already July. All year Ive felt like June would never get here... now its over and I have just a couple months until we welcome our little devilpup.

Still getting used to calling DH my husband rather than my fiance but I know that can take a while... The weird thing is we have been living here only a week and half and I am totally comfortable, like we have been living here months!

I guess... they say home is where the heart is, and half of my hearts been here for a couple years without me. (well also overseas but tbh I just pretended he was here most of the time... made it easier to deal with)


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## MommaKitten21

I noticed after I posted in the old thread that it's now July... ha whoops! Ugh! My days are blending together too much now. Monday is quickly approaching







It's going to be one interesting 4th of July celebration with my family this year.... I hope the people sitting around us at the fireworks don't mind hearing sobbing


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## mmgrimm

Hi!! I am a mommy of 2 special needs boys and an Army wife going on 7 years...Plus I did some Army time myself! We are currently stationed at Fort Lewis and will be for who knows how long (well I guess the Army does). We have been stationed overseas (Italy and Germany), east coast (Belvoir and Drum) and the midwest (LeonardWood). The Army likes to move us every 18 to 24 months for some reason.


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## ~Katie~

Just to reply to MW's post - I agree that that is the harsh reality of it. I figured that out first hand with this last deployment. I still did plenty of venting, though, because expecting it doesn't take away how much it sucks. In the Army, there are non-deploying units who respond to natural disasters or if we invade a country they're the first to respond. There are also TRADOC units who never deploy, but there is a limit on how long you can stay with those units.


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## merrybee

Is this thread only for military wives? I have a son who just commissioned in the Air Force. Is this thread appropriate for me or is their a different thread for me?


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merrybee* 
Is this thread only for military wives? I have a son who just commissioned in the Air Force. Is this thread appropriate for me or is their a different thread for me?

I'm not the one that runs it but I see no reason for you not to be here too... I am positive you will have questions that need answered the same as any of us!


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## Bethusila

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merrybee* 
Is this thread only for military wives? I have a son who just commissioned in the Air Force. Is this thread appropriate for me or is their a different thread for me?

I wondered this too, only that I'm the one in the military, and DH is not. We are expecting our first child, and I'm really nervous about what the future will bring! I've been on one deployment already and there's rumors of another coming up, I can't imagine leaving an infant behind.


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## ~Katie~

This thread is a support group for anyone in the military or who has a loved one in the military


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bethusila* 
I wondered this too, only that I'm the one in the military, and DH is not. We are expecting our first child, and I'm really nervous about what the future will bring! I've been on one deployment already and there's rumors of another coming up, I can't imagine leaving an infant behind.

Welcome! I'm military, too. Leaving an infant sucks. I left DD right when she was 6 months old.


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## Sarah W

I posted in the last thread, too.

There are units that are non-deployable, but you could still deploy as an IA. That is what happened to me. My unit did counternarcotics w/ S. America, and I went to Afghanistan as an IA. (also CN, coincidentally) You are much more likely to come down on orders as an IA if you haven't deployed before.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I posted in the last thread, too.

There are units that are non-deployable, but you could still deploy as an IA. That is what happened to me. My unit did counternarcotics w/ S. America, and I went to Afghanistan as an IA. (also CN, coincidentally) You are much more likely to come down on orders as an IA if you haven't deployed before.

Move the discussion here since the June thread is so last month LOL (yes Im the guilty one for posting there constantly still)

Are you Army?

(to answer the question... IAs are military-wide... not just Marine... so yeah a non-deployable unit in ANY branch of the military can still result in an individual deploying http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individual_augmentee)


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## Sarah W

Yes, I am Army.

And yes, all services have IA. My unit in Afghanistan was one that was completely made up of IAs. All services as well as UK, CAN, Netherlands, AUS.


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## Bethusila

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Welcome! I'm military, too. Leaving an infant sucks. I left DD right when she was 6 months old.

Oh my gosh I can't even imagine that. I am Army NG, but also work full-time for the DOD. My last deployment was 2004, I figure my number is coming up pretty soon, so to speak.

You just hear so many stories about soldiers coming home after leaving an infant, and either the child doesn't remember them or there are issues with resentment or separation anxiety. Plus you're missing huge milestones at that age. I'm sure it's just another preggo worry lodged in my head, but it is a little stressful to think about.


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## swell_mel

i wanted to update you after asking so many questions. (which i can't thank you enough for your input!!) dh takes a test tuesday. the asvab i think? he's not signing up or anything yet. but he wants to take it to get an idea of what he would be doing should he join. we still have a lot of research to do before signing up and there are several men who have been in the military that he wants to talk to about their experiences and ask questions to. we still have talking to do. but after lots and lots and lots of talking, reading, asking questions, and praying i told him tonight that i support him 100% should he decide to join. it's scary and nerve-wracking but i feel good about it. i know it isn't guaranteed he will get in although i can't forsee there being any reason he wouldn't but you never know. in any case i really feel like we are supposed to pursue this... regardless of whether or not he gets in. i hope that makes sense. soooo... as we inch by in the process i'm positive i will have lots more questions and be asking for thoughts and advice. your help already has been incredible!


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmgrimm* 
Hi!! I am a mommy of 2 special needs boys and an Army wife going on 7 years...Plus I did some Army time myself! We are currently stationed at Fort Lewis and will be for who knows how long (well I guess the Army does). We have been stationed overseas (Italy and Germany), east coast (Belvoir and Drum) and the midwest (LeonardWood). The Army likes to move us every 18 to 24 months for some reason.









I am at Ft. Lewis too.

We are keeping busy here. I cannot believe I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel WRT this deployment. Less than 3 months to go!!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swell_mel* 
i wanted to update you after asking so many questions. (which i can't thank you enough for your input!!) dh takes a test tuesday. the asvab i think? he's not signing up or anything yet. but he wants to take it to get an idea of what he would be doing should he join. we still have a lot of research to do before signing up and there are several men who have been in the military that he wants to talk to about their experiences and ask questions to. we still have talking to do. but after lots and lots and lots of talking, reading, asking questions, and praying i told him tonight that i support him 100% should he decide to join. it's scary and nerve-wracking but i feel good about it. i know it isn't guaranteed he will get in although i can't forsee there being any reason he wouldn't but you never know. in any case i really feel like we are supposed to pursue this... regardless of whether or not he gets in. i hope that makes sense. soooo... as we inch by in the process i'm positive i will have lots more questions and be asking for thoughts and advice. your help already has been incredible!









I am glad you seem to be a little more at ease with this decision (and also pleased you guys are not just jumping into this blindly, that's a bad choice!)

The ASVAB wont tell him what he will be doing but rather what choices of MOSs he qualifies for, which if there are openings in them (I think a lot more likely with Army than Marines to have openings) then he could choose those.

I do not know if Army is same as Marines (I was National Guard so my experience differs from other Army I am sure) but in Marines you can only choose a job field and they put you into a job that is needed. When I was in the Army NG 10 years ago, I was able to actually choose my MOS... and I believe my brother was able to choose his actual job earlier this year and he is going to be active Army but I am not 100% on that.

May I ask how old your husband is? I know that seems like it wouldnt matter, but I love hearing of the older men who finally join (and by older, even my little brother counts as he is 26 and one of the oldest at basic right now)


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## swell_mel

dh is 32.


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## MaerynPearl

I love how my front yard is the best place in town to watch fireworks. They are all around us and all the huge air boomers!


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## MommaKitten21

Saying goodbye to DH today at 11 am... please keep us in your thoughts.


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## gagin37

subbing to the new thread.

I'm Claire, my dh is AD Air Force, and we're stationed at Pope AFB which is adjacent to Ft. Bragg. Dh has been here almost 4 years now. We have one son who is 22 months old.

not much going on with us. we still don't know where we'll be headed next year when Pope closes, or when we'll be moving, which is frustrating since we're also still TTC-hoping to have a baby before we leave. Dh made it home from his 6 week course in TX, and ds has settled down a lot, he's back to his old self. It's taken us a couple of weeks to get back into a functioning routine though. Night time has been really hard with daddy back. Ds didn't want to give up the half of the bed he had taken over, but he also didnt much want to sleep in his own bed. Things are settling down now though.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Saying goodbye to DH today at 11 am... please keep us in your thoughts.

I will be thinking of you today


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## ~Katie~

I'm glad Joe is finally home Claire and that things are finally getting back to normal. I hope you hear something soon about where you're headed to.

Fireworks last night had the potential to be good but the cannon fire every 5 seconds during them was a bit overkill and obnoxious so we left pretty much as soon as they started.


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## 2ID_Wife

DH is army, 23 years next month, we have been married 13 years and I was in the Air Force for 10 years.
We are up at Drum after several years in Korea.


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## MommaKitten21

Welcome 2ID_ Wife









I was doing so well today since saying goodbye to DH this morning.... that is, until after I got ds to sleep. Then I broke. Of course, I cant stop crying. I know a lot of it is pregnancy hormones, and I talked myself down once. Then, I went to change clothes, just to find a love note tucked in my top drawer from DH with his dog tags. Which of course, started it all again. I don't mean to be a downer here guys... I know it will get easier. I'm just trying to get in the groove of things. ds did great tonight, but i know it will take a few days for his behavior to change... just crossing my fingers for a somewhat easy transition. Being 37 weeks is whooping my butt with the whole dealing with emotions. Ugh.

Just needed to get that all out


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## MovingMomma

MommaKitten:


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## MaerynPearl

aww mommakitten


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## ~Katie~

MK. It's okay to cry, and it's important to get those emotions out. Don't ever feel guilty for that. It's important to acknowledge your feelings along the way. It will help you move forward with a clear head and be even more proactive. Please continue to update us on how you're doing!


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## MommaKitten21

Thanks for the support!

I just kept myself busy yesterday, and then I just think it hit me when I went to lay down ... alone. It just sucks. I feel better today, but I know it's going to be the nights that get to me.

We never decorated our bedroom since we have been at this house. Last night it was just so cold and empty. It was the worst feeling ever. I didn't want to be in there at all. My sister in law offered to help me decorate it when money is there and when baby has come. I bet that will help a lot. Especially because DH and I have talked about what we want to do there... we just never got around to it.

ds is doing really well. This morning he hugged me and said "papa.... away.... soldier" and he was holding pictures of him and his papa. He has been much more clingy and whiny, but nothing besides that so far. I've really been trying to give him all the extra attention I can right now. I just wish I had more energy to do things! Instead I'm at that final I feel like poo preggo stage


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## ~Katie~

I remember that stage with DS/pregnancy







Decorating sounds like a great idea! I did a lot of that while DH was gone and it really does help to improve your mood when you feel comfy and cozy in your surroundings. Do you have any projects/crafts that you can do at night when DS goes to bed?


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## MaerynPearl

Today's one of my first tastes of supporting another military momma...

She was off in Texas for the past month visiting her family and just got home... to find her home was broken into while she was gone!!!!









We had been so excited to get our kids together to play, but I really wish it wasn't just so they are not under the police officers feet!

Made me very very happy we chose a home with a security system that works.

The sad part is... they chose this exact home first... and ended up not getting it because another couple had claimed it! But then, after they decided to get the home they just got, the other couple backed out of this one and we ended up with it!


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## justKate

Hi everybody.

((







)) to you MommaKitten.

Nothing much going on here. Huz passed the 10-year mark last month and makes rank this month, so I guess that's exciting. Hopefully we can build up some savings before our next move. We're not expecting orders until December--February timeframe, so for now I'm just trying to enjoy being where we are. Which is sorta hard this time of year, because it is HOT in Texas!

Hope everyone had a good 4th!

Kate


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Huz passed the 10-year mark last month and makes rank this month, so I guess that's exciting.

Yay him!


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## MarineWife

I thought I subbed to this thread but I guess not because I didn't get any emails about new posts.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I still did plenty of venting, though, because expecting it doesn't take away how much it sucks.

I hope you didn't think I was referring to you as a complainer. I think you had plenty of reason to be angry and upset and vent about it. Your situation was not normal (I don't think). And, you're right. No matter how much it's expected, it can still suck. You can never be fully prepared, kind of like having a baby (not the sucking part).

My dh joined at 31. At first he was turned down because of age but he got a waiver.

My dh had to leave our 2nd child when he was only 2 and didn't even meet our third until he was 7 months. We didn't have any issues with them not knowing Daddy or being angry or upset at him for leaving. Our middle ds, 6.5yo now, sometimes says he hates the military for sending his daddy away.

With all the talk on last months thread about TriCare and docs I've been seriously thinking about switching to Prime. I've always had POS insurance so I stayed with Standard. I didn't have any problems with it in HI because I still had access to the MTF docs and I found a good civilian pediatrician.

However, I've been living here for 3 years now and have yet to find a doctor of any kind that I like and we've been to many. Because the MTF is so overwhelmed, no one with Standard has access to the MTF docs. We've got 3 years left here so I'm thinking I might as switch to Prime while we're here because it can't be any worse than the civilian docs. I can always switch back to Standard after a year if I don't like it or when we move.

Two things are holding me back. The first is that I'm not sure that, even with Prime, I'll be able to go to the MTF because so many Prime people are referred out. The second is that the idea of being restrained by what is essentially a HMO worries me. Since I don't agree with much of the practice of allopathic medicine, I don't like the idea of being at the mercy of a PCP. On the other hand, I rarely use docs anyway so maybe it wouldn't make much difference and would save me a few bucks when I do.

Anyone have any input? Especially, anyone at Camp LeJeune, do you know if you can get a PCP at NHCL if you request it or do you have to accept a referral out if they give you one? I won't switch if I can't be guaranteed a doc at NHCL.


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Yay him!

Yeah you're right.







I should try to act more excited about it. Every time one of these dates comes around, he gets nostalgic for deployments and talks for a week about how things aren't the same now, how much fun he had while deployed, etc. Seriously, he's 30! Can you imagine what it will be like in 10 years?!

Sorry for sounding cynical. He really is a great guy, just has trouble distinguishing memories from reality.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I hope you didn't think I was referring to you as a complainer. I think you had plenty of reason to be angry and upset and vent about it. Your situation was not normal (I don't think). And, you're right. No matter how much it's expected, it can still suck. You can never be fully prepared, kind of like having a baby (not the sucking part).

I suppose I'm just trying to offer up a different perspective than what tends to be persistent in military groups. I realize you weren't trying to say anything condescending. Far too often, even before my DH left, whenever I turned somewhere for support I got "Suck it up, you knew what to expect". Nobody ever told me it was okay to feel like crap and acknowledge it, despite it being the healthiest thing to do, because for some reason we're expected to not feel anything or express emotion. For me I felt like everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong it terms of him leaving and trying to come home, and I really needed to get that out. Getting it out helped me to deal with everything else much more easily. I just want everyone to know that they are supported here no matter what stage they're at, that we can acknowledge the crappy feelings that go along with deployment and military life and not bury them or ignore them, and we can all help each other be more proactive during the tough times.

I realize you weren't saying anything like that, but I wanted to make a note about what my goal is for this group.

As far as insurance, I'm in the same situation that you are. When we were on Prime they were telling everybody to go to urgent care off post, so it made sense to switch to Standard. I still can't find a decent doctor, either. It's going to be interesting next year when we have to figure out insurance.


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## MovingMomma

MW: I'd suggest physically going in to the Tricare service center to ask about getting a PCM at NH if you switch to Prime. I've always gotten much better outcomes (less time spent, more accurate answers, and people actually willing to help) when I go in than when I call.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
MW: I'd suggest physically going in to the Tricare service center to ask about getting a PCM at NH if you switch to Prime. I've always gotten much better outcomes (less time spent, more accurate answers, and people actually willing to help) when I go in than when I call.

Yeah, I am planning to do that but I just wanted to know if anyone else had any experience with requesting a PCM at NH.

From what I understand, the MTF here doesn't even have urgent care anymore, just the ER. But then I was driving in town and noticed the new(?) satellite family practice MTF in town and the sign also said urgent care. I'm wondering if I could go there. I should call them tomorrow to find out what services they have and whether or not I can use the urgent care with Standard. Hmm....

Kate ~ I didn't mean to sound unsupportive. I know I can come across as crass sometimes but I don't mean it.







To me, there's a difference between talking about your feelings and the fact that the separations are very difficult, emotionally and physically, or venting or even ranting sometimes when things go wrong and constantly complaining. KWIM? The family separations are rough and we all have hard times no matter what our situations.


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## MommaKitten21

Got a phone call from DH























It was so reassuring to hear his voice. However, it wasn't a call to talk really... it was a call to inform me that the airline lost his bag!!







They told him they have no clue where it is, and they don't know when he will get it... poor guy







I'm sure that just makes for a great start ya know?

and JustKate..... congrats to your hubby!! How exciting! I understand though about sometimes all this military stuff goes straight to their heads ... I swear sometimes it triggers the "war games mindset" in DH's head that he played when he was 5 or something... ya know, the classic it was so cool to blow this up!!!!









I just don't get it either sometimes... but hey, at least he's passionate about something


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Yeah, I am planning to do that but I just wanted to know if anyone else had any experience with requesting a PCM at NH.

I was successful with the opposite request!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
I was successful with the opposite request!









I think that might be easier to get here because they are so overwhelmed at the NH.

I hope this isn't a totally stupid question but what does making rank mean? Does that mean a promotion to the next rank or something else? I've never heard that phrase before.


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## Saredances

Hi everyone, my name is Sarah, married to a Marine 2 years in August. No kids but we do have the best puppy







We are currently in Iwakuni, Japan. Is this the only place for military moms/spouses/etc.? If so do all questions and discussions happen in this thread? tia


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## MissNo

NoNo here, married to a Marine, currently living in VA.

I've had a lot of success getting out of the NH system, I've never tried to get IN to it. I agree with speaking to a Tricare rep in person, and I usually came with a letter outlining my issues and the outcome I wanted, so that there is a record of my issues in my file.

MK, the first deployment weeks were the worst for me. Keeping busy was really helpful, as was establishing my own routines and plans. Hang in there.


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## ~Katie~

Great that you heard from him, MK! I hope they find his bag









Welcome Sarah! This is the designated discussion area for people in the military and their loved ones. If you have a specific question related to another subject, like homebirth in the military, you could either ask about it here or in the appropriate forum. Chances are good that the majority of questions can be answered here since we have such a concentrated group


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## ~Katie~

DH's new office area has cockroaches uke

Apparently they are confined to the locker room area by their gym, but everyone changes there in the morning and leaves their stuff there when they work out. I'm making him keep all of his stuff outside because I DO NOT want them in our house. There has to be someone they can call to take care of it. Nobody wants to be the guy to spray because then they'll have to do it every time







Gross gross gross.


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## goodygumdrops

Hi again









So, it looks like things are progressing. My dh has gotten the paperwork submitted and we are going to be planning a move for Aug 5th. Holy moley...I am so excited that this is going so smoothly. So, also there is an awesome Montessori program that offers a Spanish immersion program. Yay!


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## swell_mel

so dh is scheduled to take his test next week. he was scheduled to take it this week but wanted a little extra time to study a bit so he would know what to expect. we were talking last night and aren't sure when he'll officially join. he started exercising a few days ago (per my nudging.







) i have to admit i am loving when he comes in from jogging and is all sweaty and shirtless








i do have 2 more questions. i have a question about the dependency waiver. we have 2 girls (4 and 6.) if we were to conceive #3 in the near future how easy would it be to get a dependency waiver? a couple months ago (before he brought up joining the army) we decided to sort of ttc #3. af is here now so we haven't been successful.







after she leaves i don't know if we'll continue to sort of ttc #3 or hold off. i think dh is leaning towards holding off. i've wanted to add #3 for a while and thinking about dh being away for basic and then ait training we are talking a huge chunk of time to wait to ttc again kwim? but i also don't want to hurt his chances of being accepted either.
okay so question two is about living on base which is what we plan to do when the time comes. we are just curious how base housing is determined as in size. is it determined by pay? family size? we live in a 2 bedroom duplex now. our girls have always shared a room so continuing to live in a 2 bedroom isn't an issue. we are just curious how it's determined.
thanks!!


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## merrybee

I didn't officially introduce myself yet. Hi, I am Mary. My oldest son, Bryan, just graduated from college and ROTC and commissioned as a 2nd LT in the Air Force. Right now he is home waiting for October when he goes on active duty. He will be going to the Naval base in Pensacola, FL. He will be there about 2 years for training in his career field, combat systems officer. I am thrilled to have him home. We have been having long meaningful talks and I am feeling very close to him. I am soooo proud of him I could burst. However, boy am I anxious about the upcoming separation. I feel like I am never going to see him again! Wasn't he just born?


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## Jaxinator

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I think that might be easier to get here because they are so overwhelmed at the NH.

I hope this isn't a totally stupid question but what does making rank mean? Does that mean a promotion to the next rank or something else? I've never heard that phrase before.

You got it right. We're waiting to find out if my husband made his next rank. I doubt it though, it's a difficult one to make.
Also, you can "put on rank" which is the day you officially become a rank.
I've also heard "sew on rank" meaning being able to put it onto your uniform. Maybe the terms aren't as prevalent in the Marines. My husband is in the AF.

I haven't posted here yet, so hi everyone!


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## ein328

Hey everyone! I've checked in before, but can never remember to sub, so I end up losing track and then checking back in every couple of months....

I'm Emily, I'm active duty AF, stationed at Hurlburt Field in FL. My DH is a SAHD, and we have a 10 month old daughter, expecting no. 2 in December (surprise!)

After MONTHS of fighting, I got word yesterday that the MTF here is submitting my referral for a homebirth MW. This is the first time an active duty member has gotten a referral here (we can't switch to Standard, like spouses can, so we have to go to the MTF if it's available.) I'm cautiously optimistic- insurance still has to approve- but I've talked to Tricare over the phone and I think it will happen. The MW I asked for takes Standard patients all the time. Fingers are crossed!

Even if insurance doesn't approve, I can still pay out of pocket. Without a referral, I risked disciplinary action for "unauthorized medical care," so this is a big step in the right direction.


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## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaxinator* 
You got it right. We're waiting to find out if my husband made his next rank. I doubt it though, it's a difficult one to make.
Also, you can "put on rank" which is the day you officially become a rank.
I've also heard "sew on rank" meaning being able to put it onto your uniform. Maybe the terms aren't as prevalent in the Marines. My husband is in the AF.

I haven't posted here yet, so hi everyone!

"Making rank" typically means that you have a slot for the next rank- i.e., you're going to be promoted, but at a future date.
"Sewing on" or "putting on" rank generally is the day that your promotion takes effect- that you start wearing the rank and make the pay.


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## justKate

*MW*, funny that you're thinking of switching to Prime and I'm thinking of going Standard. I think it has everything to do with what's available in your location. My problem is I keep using the POS option under Prime, which results in me paying out of pocket, so I figure I might as well be on Standard and pay--then at least there's a reasonable cap.... I dunno. I have reading to do!

I use "making rank" like ein328 explained. Huz is at a point where he's going to be promoted as long as he stays alive, out of trouble, and keeps his weight down. This might just be the way it is in the Coast Guard--basically everyone of his rank is going to get promoted if they have enough time in grade and haven't really screwed up. This was not true earlier in his career and probably won't be true for his next rank, but for now, things are good.

*MK*, I'm glad you got a call. It's true, I'm glad there's still some passion there. I hope in his next assignment he can be more active in the law enforcment side of things and feel more fulfilled.

*Saredances* and *merrybee*, welcome!

*swell_mel*, I'm not sure what a dependency waiver is, sorry. IME housing assignments have to do with rank, family size, and availability.

*ein328*, that's fantastic that you could have a homebirth! I hope it works out for you.

Think that's it for now....


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ein328* 
After MONTHS of fighting, I got word yesterday that the MTF here is submitting my referral for a homebirth MW. This is the first time an active duty member has gotten a referral here (we can't switch to Standard, like spouses can, so we have to go to the MTF if it's available.) I'm cautiously optimistic- insurance still has to approve- but I've talked to Tricare over the phone and I think it will happen. The MW I asked for takes Standard patients all the time. Fingers are crossed!

Even if insurance doesn't approve, I can still pay out of pocket. Without a referral, I risked disciplinary action for "unauthorized medical care," so this is a big step in the right direction.

That is wonderful! I hope it all works out for you. That's crazy that you could be hit with disciplinary action for using your own money to get your own health care. I don't know how much, if any, TC for ADs is different than for dependents but TC does cover homebirths with a CNM. I would think that once you get authorization from the MTF, TC will cover you as long as it's a covered service.

Mary ~ I have a 19yo ds so I know what you mean. I can't believe he's so grown up. He's not in the military, though. I think I'd have a nervous break down if he joined the military. I don't have to worry about that, though. He has absolutely no interest.

Thanks, everyone, for answering my question about the promotion jargon. Now that I know what it means I can say congratulations to those who have made rank. That is a good thing, I'd think.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

AD isn't really TC it is slightly different and very crazy at times. It was one reason I was glad to get out, more options for health care. I was lucky though and no one in my unit would have pushed for issue if I used unauthorized medical care and being a GSU if my unit didn't push it no one would.
Dh got his leaving time and it is slightly later then we expected but still far enough out that it could easily change too.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
AD isn't really TC it is slightly different and very crazy at times.

Oh, hm. That's interesting because my dh gets the TC Prime newsletter even though no one here is on TC Prime. I just assumed it was to inform him of his options.

justKate ~ It's definitely about availability. If we weren't going to be here for another 3 years, I wouldn't be thinking of switching to Prime. At least, not until I knew what was available at our new place. My main reason for wanting to switch to Prime is so that I would have access to the OB care at the MTF if I get pg again. Either way, I'd have to pay the full fee for a homebirth so having Standard won't save me any money on that front. The civilian OB/CNM care here is atrocious. The civilian hospital practices are archaic. There is no way I would give birth at the civilian hospital here. I can't find a pediatrician who's cool with us not vaxing. The military docs may not be cool with it but they wouldn't be able to refuse seeing us. I'm sick of paying for urgent care that takes hours to get and is sloppy. If I'm going to go through all of that, I might as well get it free. KWIM?

Unless the rules have changed (I need to look into all of this again), once you switch to one or the other, you are locked in for a year. Since we'll be here for 3, I should be able to switch back to Standard whenever we get where we're going next.


----------



## MovingMomma

MW: I know you've got a lot of other reasons, but I just wanted to let you know that I didn't have any problem getting on base for OB with my last pregnancy even though my PCM is out in town. I did get the referral very early in my pregnancy (which I would think you'd be able to do, too







) and I just asked my PCM to refer me to NHCL.


----------



## ~Katie~

Melanie - As far as the dependency waiver I thought that only applied when you had two or more children, so I don't think a third would make a difference. I don't know much about it so I could be wrong, though. As far as housing, the type of housing here is determined by rank in addition to family size. For us only certain neighborhoods are available for my DH's rank and they're either 3 or 4 bedroom. Family size becomes more of an issue of availability. For example, my old neighbors across the street had three children in addition to themselves in a three bedroom home and had to wait a year for a 4 bedroom home to open up, then they were able to move. You wouldn't be put in anything smaller than a three bedroom because of your family size. You would talk to the housing office and they'd give you a list of neighborhoods and you'd choose where you want to live based on availability and wait time.

Welcome, Mary!!!

Welcome, Jaxinator!!!

Congratulations on getting your referral, Emily!


----------



## MaerynPearl

We call it "making rank" too...

DH made rank last year! But the promotion he is waiting for requires that rank to be open in his MOS and as far as we know this year he was just under the cut off, so he has made rank (fulfilled all of the qualifications), just waiting to actually get the rank. Which will likely happen next summer sometime around when he re-enlists.

Quote:

After MONTHS of fighting, I got word yesterday that the MTF here is submitting my referral for a homebirth MW. This is the first time an active duty member has gotten a referral here (we can't switch to Standard, like spouses can, so we have to go to the MTF if it's available.) I'm cautiously optimistic- insurance still has to approve- but I've talked to Tricare over the phone and I think it will happen. The MW I asked for takes Standard patients all the time. Fingers are crossed!

Even if insurance doesn't approve, I can still pay out of pocket. Without a referral, I risked disciplinary action for "unauthorized medical care," so this is a big step in the right direction.
Congrats! Paying out of pocket isnt a huge deal (at least, wasnt for us... it was only around 3500 including the birth kit and other supplies) but being ABLE to do it without disciplinary actions a huge deal! I am very happy for you to get a MW and HB!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
We call it "making rank" too

Oh, ok. My dh has always just said he is up for whatever rank is next. So, I guess, right now he's in the "made rank" category. His name is on the list and he's just waiting for his turn to actually be promoted. It may take a year.


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## MovingMomma

I wouldn't refer to it as "making rank" until the party in question has actually been selected.

It's my understanding that your referral is the key, and Tricare will have to pay the cost since you are in FL. And as I recall, homebirth midwife costs are much more in FL since insurance companies covering birth can't exclude homebirth...


----------



## ~Katie~

Some interesting developments with DH's job next year. When he first called his NG unit they said that a position was available for him and there were plenty of funds in order to pay him. Cut to yesterday when he emailed to find out what/if moving expenses would be covered by them. Apparently the email was forwarded to someone else he hadn't spoken with who said unless you receive active duty orders you are responsible for the move, and at this point I'm not sure funds are available to cut those orders. So two completely different answers, not sure which one is accurate at this point. He wrote back and said that if there isn't a position for him, we won't have any choice but to move to a different state where he can get a job and drill with another unit. He'd still deploy with his NY unit, of course, but it's definitely a big change in plans. I'm not surprised at all given how everything else has gone.


----------



## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
I wouldn't refer to it as "making rank" until the party in question has actually been selected.

It's my understanding that your referral is the key, and Tricare will have to pay the cost since you are in FL. And as I recall, homebirth midwife costs are much more in FL since insurance companies covering birth can't exclude homebirth...

I've already talked to Tricare over the phone, and they said that as long as I got the referral, and the referral was for a CNM, they would pay. It's considered "care not provided by the MTF," which is key, because the MTF always has the right to "first refusal."

MW care is VERY expensive here. $5,000+. And while I agree it's worth it, I am planning on getting out in 1 1/2 years, and we're trying to save for that. So not really an expense I care to take on right now!


----------



## merrybee

Marinewife- yes, where did the time go? My son is getting married this summer too! As for the heart palpatations of his joining the military- well they certainly are there but I am used to his thrill seeking nature. He is a firefighter and autocross races. But nothing has prepared me for the separation anxiety I am feeling!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merrybee* 
Marinewife- yes, where did the time go? My son is getting married this summer too! As for the heart palpatations of his joining the military- well they certainly are there but I am used to his thrill seeking nature. He is a firefighter and autocross races. But nothing has prepared me for the separation anxiety I am feeling!

















to you.

Katie ~ That sounds crazy. Honestly, even though you've explained it to me a couple of times, I still don't completely understand your situation. I don't know anything about the NG and not much about the Army so mixing the two really confuses me.









Whew! That is a lot for MW care in FL. It's almost half that here in NC but that's with a CPM. It might cost more with a CNM if any of them did homebirths.


----------



## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 







to you.

Katie ~ That sounds crazy. Honestly, even though you've explained it to me a couple of times, I still don't completely understand your situation. I don't know anything about the NG and not much about the Army so mixing the two really confuses me.









Whew! That is a lot for MW care in FL. It's almost half that here in NC but that's with a CPM. It might cost more with a CNM if any of them did homebirths.

Both CPMs and CNMs do homebirths here, and, amazingly enough, their charge is equal (in my area, anyway). I had considered a CPM if I was going to have to pay out of pocket, only to find that she charges the same amount as the CNM here.

FL does have some beautiful birthing centers, too, which are a good option. I just wish one of them was closer to where I am!

BTW- I'm active duty, and I still get confused about NG vs. traditional vs. reservist vs. IMA etc. etc.


----------



## Carolina Kel

Hello









Newbie to the MDC forums - looking for some new like minded-mamas! I'm at Fort Bragg, moved on post not too long ago.









So howdy!


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carolina Kel* 
Hello









Newbie to the MDC forums - looking for some new like minded-mamas! I'm at Fort Bragg, moved on post not too long ago.









So howdy!

Welcome! There are several of us here in area at Bragg/Pope.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 







to you.

Katie ~ That sounds crazy. Honestly, even though you've explained it to me a couple of times, I still don't completely understand your situation. I don't know anything about the NG and not much about the Army so mixing the two really confuses me.









Whew! That is a lot for MW care in FL. It's almost half that here in NC but that's with a CPM. It might cost more with a CNM if any of them did homebirths.

My homebirth will be with a CNM and yeah... it costs a bit more with her than with a CPM but I <3 her and would not trade her for anything... I had to give up my FP back in IL when I moved down here, was soooo glad to find a CNM who was willing to take me despite me not moving here til third tri AND is basically just like the FP I left (whom was the one talking me into homebirth to begin with!)

ein- SO glad they are going to pay for you, that is awesome and I wish you a ton of luck with it!

Tricare will not pay for my homebirth because ... uh... she explained it to me but its really confusing? She works (or worked? not sure there) at the NH on base... and because Tricare will pay for her there, they will not pay for her to do a homebirth.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Oh, hm. That's interesting because my dh gets the TC Prime newsletter even though no one here is on TC Prime. I just assumed it was to inform him of his options.

He gets it to make sure he knows what his options for you are. It is their way to lure the family members back to prime.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Tricare will not pay for my homebirth because ... uh... she explained it to me but its really confusing? She works (or worked? not sure there) at the NH on base... and because Tricare will pay for her there, they will not pay for her to do a homebirth.

Yes if the midwife or any midwife works on base then they will not cover the cost of a midwife off post if you are prime. Same thing if there is any other specialist you need on base and you wanted to go to one off base you typically can't get them to let you.

I can't find any midwife no matter status that will do a homebirth where I live or a birthing center


----------



## MarineWife

A friend of mine has given birth at a birthing center and at home with the same CPMs in Jacksonville, FL. TC covered both but I don't know how much.

TC used to cover homebirths with a MD, CNM or NP. I don't know the rules about someone who currently works at the MTF. If she doesn't work on the base anymore, TC should cover the cots of care with her. She has to have doctor back up in NC to legally attend homebirths so that might be the problem. I didn't know there were any CNMs in the area who did homebirths. With Prime you can always use the POS option if you don't have a referral or non-availability statement from the MTF. TC should then around 50%, I believe. You can file the claims yourself for reimbursement if your provider doesn't want to. Don't do that, though, if you are doing dual care because they will want you to pay them back for the OB care since you've been paying for care with someone else.

The reason I said TC used to cover homebirths is that when I went to the link I have bookmarked that discussed homebirths it's not mentioned any more. Now all it says is that TC might cover low risk births at birthing centers. Have they changed the rules again?


----------



## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Some interesting developments with DH's job next year. When he first called his NG unit they said that a position was available for him and there were plenty of funds in order to pay him. Cut to yesterday when he emailed to find out what/if moving expenses would be covered by them. Apparently the email was forwarded to someone else he hadn't spoken with who said unless you receive active duty orders you are responsible for the move, and at this point I'm not sure funds are available to cut those orders. So two completely different answers, not sure which one is accurate at this point. He wrote back and said that if there isn't a position for him, we won't have any choice but to move to a different state where he can get a job and drill with another unit. He'd still deploy with his NY unit, of course, but it's definitely a big change in plans. I'm not surprised at all given how everything else has gone.

So confusing. Could he get a different type of orders that would require them to pay? (like maybe someone would be willing to call it something different to get him a paid move...?) Huz is "technically" a reservist, even though he's been on active duty for the last six years. Maybe that's kind of like the NG? When he is promoted at the end of this month he will "technically" move over from the reserve side to the AD side. Just before we met, he was offered temporary active duty orders and negotiated himself into extended active duty orders which entitled him to a paid move. This might be totally different, just throwing it out there.


----------



## MarineWife

I'm very upset. I just read the actual TC handbook and there's no mention of homebirths at all. It used to be mentioned as a covered service with particular providers at the bottom of the maternity care section. It's not listed in the exclusions, which is good. If it's not specifically excluded there should be a way to get it covered.

BTW, there is ADM info in the TC handbook so they are associated somehow.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
So confusing. Could he get a different type of orders that would require them to pay? (like maybe someone would be willing to call it something different to get him a paid move...?) Huz is "technically" a reservist, even though he's been on active duty for the last six years. Maybe that's kind of like the NG? When he is promoted at the end of this month he will "technically" move over from the reserve side to the AD side. Just before we met, he was offered temporary active duty orders and negotiated himself into extended active duty orders which entitled him to a paid move. This might be totally different, just throwing it out there.

I'm really not even sure how it's going to work. He was one of the first people to take the kind of deal he did coming out of ROTC so they're still working out all the flaws with him, you'd think it'd be more straight-forward but it isn't. He's required to go back to his unit next year when his AD is up, no one has made any promises in terms of him having a job up until recently. They don't stay in contact with him about anything. DH himself doesn't even really know what's going on, only that there is a discrepancy on whether he'll have a job. He is active duty but this NG unit handles everything in terms of promotion, pay, moves, etc. They don't communicate with his active duty unit here as they should, though. There is no room for negotiation really with the deal he took, he has to go back to that unit but if they don't have a job for him they have no choice but to let him drill somewhere else so that he can get a job.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
A friend of mine has given birth at a birthing center and at home with the same CPMs in Jacksonville, FL. TC covered both but I don't know how much.

TC used to cover homebirths with a MD, CNM or NP. I don't know the rules about someone who currently works at the MTF. If she doesn't work on the base anymore, TC should cover the cots of care with her. She has to have doctor back up in NC to legally attend homebirths so that might be the problem. I didn't know there were any CNMs in the area who did homebirths. With Prime you can always use the POS option if you don't have a referral or non-availability statement from the MTF. TC should then around 50%, I believe. You can file the claims yourself for reimbursement if your provider doesn't want to. Don't do that, though, if you are doing dual care because they will want you to pay them back for the OB care since you've been paying for care with someone else.

The reason I said TC used to cover homebirths is that when I went to the link I have bookmarked that discussed homebirths it's not mentioned any more. Now all it says is that TC might cover low risk births at birthing centers. Have they changed the rules again?

http://www.midwiferyservices.net/staff.html <-- Olivia in case you were wondering (well, Meredith too but my main is Olivia) She is from Hampstead... and stopped working at the hospital this year to focus on doing homebirths but is still affiliated or some such with them? That is what I am mostly confused about. I know she does homebirths and can and used to work at the hospital but not totally clear on what is going on with that now (and really do not care, tbh lol... shes a great midwife and that is all I care about) but from what she told me her situation prevents her from asking tricare to cover her in my home... but if I had to go to the hospital for whatever reason it would cover it there.

We are fine with that though. Her cost is $3250, plus birth kit. Honestly, she is worth every cent and then some. Ive only gotten to have two appointments with her, due to having lived 1100 miles away until recently, but she has been very supportive and helpful through email before I even moved down.

She is also really helpful for DH, which I love. He doesn't know a lot of what is going on or what is going to happen... and the things I cannot answer, she is very willing to.

She is about an hour drive from my home, if it is not morning/lunch rush hour on base she has base stickers and can cut through on 172 to get here faster.

I worry a little about an unplanned UC because of it though, since between questioning my labor enough to go to the hospital and holding DD in my arms was only 3 hours... she told me to call at the first sign of anything so she can get up here ASAP lol.


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Tricare will not pay for my homebirth because ... uh... she explained it to me but its really confusing? She works (or worked? not sure there) at the NH on base... and because Tricare will pay for her there, they will not pay for her to do a homebirth.

There are two issues with getting HB covered in most situations.
-The patient needs a referral to a homebirth provider.
-The homebirth provider has to participate in Tricare, which, from my limited understanding, I gather means both that the provider has to accept Tricare and that Tricare has to approve the provider.

With your particular provider (my friend just had a HB with her a couple of months ago) she has Tricare approval when practicing at NHCL, but not independently. Last I heard she was working on establishing it independently as well.

MW, this CNM stepped up when our CPM took her sabbatical. There is also a brand new CPM in the area who just completed her certification. The CNM and new CPM are practicing together. I don't know if ours has returned from her sabbatical or even if she's planning to. Do you happen to know?


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
There are two issues with getting HB covered in most situations.
-The patient needs a referral to a homebirth provider.
-The homebirth provider has to participate in Tricare, which, from my limited understanding, I gather means both that the provider has to accept Tricare and that Tricare has to approve the provider.

With your particular provider (my friend just had a HB with her a couple of months ago) she has Tricare approval when practicing at NHCL, but not independently. Last I heard she was working on establishing it independently as well.

Won't TC Prime still cover it under the POS option without a referral? (That is excluding the other issue with this particular CNM.) Very cool that she's doing this. I know Meredith peripherally from being around other homebirthers and my CPM.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
MW, this CNM stepped up when our CPM took her sabbatical. There is also a brand new CPM in the area who just completed her certification. The CNM and new CPM are practicing together. I don't know if ours has returned from her sabbatical or even if she's planning to. Do you happen to know?

I don't know what happened and I don't know if she has returned. I was kind of hoping that was who Mae's MW was. Obviously, not.

Mae ~ You could always try filing a claim for reimbursement with TC once everything is said and done. The worst they can do is deny your claim, right?


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Mae ~ You could always try filing a claim for reimbursement with TC once everything is said and done. The worst they can do is deny your claim, right?

I suppose so, yep. Doesnt hurt to try, especially when we had to take out a small personal loan to be sure we could pay her without having to eat on a budget for a couple months... we had ended up using our money we set aside for her during our move down here because of several large issues that arose. Which really stinks since we had already had a few thousand set aside in case of issues... but that got eaten through REALLY fast.


----------



## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Won't TC Prime still cover it under the POS option without a referral? (That is excluding the other issue with this particular CNM.) Very cool that she's doing this. I know Meredith peripherally from being around other homebirthers and my CPM.

I don't know what happened and I don't know if she has returned. I was kind of hoping that was who Mae's MW was. Obviously, not.

Mae ~ You could always try filing a claim for reimbursement with TC once everything is said and done. The worst they can do is deny your claim, right?

You CAN go POS if you're the spouse/dependent, but not if you're the sponsor.


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Won't TC Prime still cover it under the POS option without a referral?

Maybe? I'm not very familiar w/POS. But there's no chance they'll cover it if you do concurrent care.









And this CNM was a homebirth midwife before she started working in a hospital setting...I don't remember if she was a DEM at that time or if she was a CNM all along.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Maybe? I'm not very familiar w/POS. But there's no chance they'll cover it if you do concurrent care.









And this CNM was a homebirth midwife before she started working in a hospital setting...I don't remember if she was a DEM at that time or if she was a CNM all along.

her site says she has been a CNM since 1993... but has been a midwife since the 70s


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ein328* 
You CAN go POS if you're the spouse/dependent, but not if you're the sponsor.

Yep and Mae's a spouse not the ADM.

Quote:

Maybe? I'm not very familiar w/POS. But there's no chance they'll cover it if you do concurrent care.
Yes and definitely something to keep in mind because, like I said before, if TC finds out you paid for other care out of pocket they can make you reimburse them for the medical expenses they paid.

Quote:

And this CNM was a homebirth midwife before she started working in a hospital setting...I don't remember if she was a DEM at that time or if she was a CNM all along.
Very cool!


----------



## MommaKitten21

Wow... I disappear for two days and find I had some catching up to do!

I received a package in the mail today from a friend. She had a shirt made for me that says "Sexually deprived for your freedom!" haha. It definitely made me laugh and lifted my spirits... but I don't know if I could ever be brave enough to wear it out!









Cant wear it now... I mean, obviously not too deprived with a huge preggo belly in front of me









Just figured I'd share!


----------



## Carolina Kel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
I received a package in the mail today from a friend. She had a shirt made for me that says "Sexually deprived for your freedom!" haha. It definitely made me laugh and lifted my spirits... but I don't know if I could ever be brave enough to wear it out!







!

O.M.G. EPIC WIN!!! I think I LOL'ed so hard I nearly peed myself! I totally want one of those!









I think our FRG would sell more of those than the "The longer the wait, the sweeter the kiss" shirts which totally remind me of some creepy abstinence class that we had in high school.


----------



## MaerynPearl

I saw some of those, wanted one!

Instead I had one that said

*CLOSED*
*Until my Marine returns*


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Instead I had one that said

*CLOSED*
*Until my Marine returns*









I like that. I'll have to get something like that for next time. Did you have it custom made or did you find it already printed somewhere?


----------



## MaerynPearl

I think I found it on CafePress

I want to find some good ones for little miss Mae when she gets here in September. We didnt find any maternity ones I particularly liked (not to do with the military at least, we did find one on thinkgeek.com that I LOVE that is currently in the mail on the way here... basically the same thing as what my signature on here says)

DH has learned to keep me away from baby stuff though. I love it all. I did talk him into letting me buy a 5 pack of onesies at the exchange that are soooo cute... all sorts of polkadots, one has a cupcake on it and the one that made him say yes says Daddys Girl with a couple hearts!

We went down to Wilmington the other day and had a 4d done... man was it so worth it to go there over the one in Jacksonville! I just felt uneasy about going to the one up here... I dont know why, but we trusted my gut and it was worth it. We got some of the clearest 4d shots I have ever seen! Both places have a military discount, of course, but are pretty close to the same price, I think the one down there may be like 5 bucks cheaper? if that... but offered more images. It said 15 or more, but from what I saw as she was finishing up they pretty much average between 60 and 70 per baby. So there were some on there with 120+ but those were twins!


----------



## MarineWife

CafePress has some funny stuff. There's a homeschooling t-shirt on there I want to get for my 6yo but I haven't gotten around to it yet.


----------



## MaerynPearl

We went to babies r us last night and DH HAD to buy another 5 pack of onesies... just because one of them was cammo lol.

So now I have to find Mae some green and/or brown skirts and pants to match her new onesies that daddy insisted she has. It wouldnt be so bad, since I do have brown skirts... but the brown is not an easy brown to match!

Probably end up just being lounge-around-the-house onesies for her.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
So now I have to find Mae some green and/or brown skirts and pants to match her new onesies that daddy insisted she has. It wouldnt be so bad, since I do have brown skirts... but the brown is not an easy brown to match!

Are you going to use cloth diapers?


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Are you going to use cloth diapers?

planning on it... its my first one using CD so really hoping I can handle it.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
planning on it... its my first one using CD so really hoping I can handle it.

I could try knitting you some skirties if you'd like. That way you could pick yarn in the colors you need. I can also knit soakers, shorts and longies.


----------



## MarineWife

OMG! Can I just tell you all how wonderful it is to have my dh home? Not just nice that he's here with us but I've also been able to sit in the living room for an entire hour without hearing one, "Moooooooooooooom, gimmee!"







The boys have been helping Daddy unpack.


----------



## MovingMomma

MW: SO





















for YOU!!!


----------



## 2ID_Wife

MW that is great he is home and the boys are hovering around him and not you


----------



## ~Katie~

MW! Enjoy your peace and quiet


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I could try knitting you some skirties if you'd like. That way you could pick yarn in the colors you need. I can also knit soakers, shorts and longies.

Sure if you would like... I never say no to handmade things lol

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
OMG! Can I just tell you all how wonderful it is to have my dh home? Not just nice that he's here with us but I've also been able to sit in the living room for an entire hour without hearing one, "Moooooooooooooom, gimmee!"







The boys have been helping Daddy unpack.









luckily I have yet to get sick of DH (we have only lived together for 2 1/2 weeks now) but really hope I never do... it is such a blessing not to be a single mother anymore... even if deployments or training or any of that may make me feel like it for a short while (yeah, 14 months is a short while, compared to 7 years!)

We went shopping tonight and ah... I just want to kiss him every time he makes my life easier... I was in pain waddling around Walmart trying to find stuff (they are remodeling which is frustrating!) and DD had to pee! But he offered to walk back to the potties and wait for her so I could just go at my slow pace and pick out some things for our new kitten.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Yay MW!!!!!














How exciting!!

Question time for you ladies!! Have any of you/are any of you at Ft. Gordon in GA? Anything you can tell me would be greatly appreciated!!


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Yay MW!!!!!














How exciting!!

Question time for you ladies!! Have any of you/are any of you at Ft. Gordon in GA? Anything you can tell me would be greatly appreciated!!

Hi









We were stationed at Ft. Gordon with the 202nd MI (military intelligence) BN for almost two years. Like all Army locations, this post has it's plusses and minuses. This was our first duty station after DH went into active duty (was Nat'l Guard), so I'm certain that some of my perceptions are colored by the culture shock that I experienced from moving to Georgia after a lifetime in So. California. Therefore, take all with a grain of salt







.

On the plus side, it is fairly small and easy to navigate. The on post medical facilities are easily accessible, and for the most part, if you use them you will be able to see your PCM each time you visit. There is a great pediatrician in the Community Care Clinic named Dr. Bentel - excellent bedside manner, breastfeeding-friendly, encouraging of alternative medical practices, doesn't rush visits etc.. The civilian employees who work on post have been there a long time and tend to be very friendly and family oriented. I actually really liked the public school on post - some excellent teachers, staff takes the time to get to know your family and your child, and a great Pre-K program on site. The city of Augusta and the surrounding communities are very supportive of the Army folks, so you don't feel unwelcome (as is the case in certain locales where the military is not well supported).

On the minus side.. Augusta is not the nicest, safest city in the South. There isn't a lot going on culturally speaking. AP/NFL practices are generally frowned upon (i.e. nursing in public especially!). If your DH happens to be an MI soldier, you and your family will feel invisible to the community at large. This is primarily a Signal post, so the MI folks are somewhat forgotten. Some of the on-post housing is pretty bad. And... (no flames please!).. If you are not used to the way the South works, you may experience some serious culture shock and wish you could go home for a good portion of your stay in GA







.

I'd say that, in general, you could do better, or you could do worse as far as duty stations are concerned. There are some fun things to do nearby (Zoo in Columbia, SC is fun, Discovery Science Center), and the beaches/Atlanta are about a 2 hr drive away.

Anyhow, hope this helps. Good luck, and enjoy the adventure that is life in the military!


----------



## Soul-O

Hi All:

MW: Yay for homecomings





















! Here's to hoping that your DH is able to stick around for awhile. Any big plans now that he's back?

Mae: Congrats on the wedding and move to NC! I'm so happy to hear that you are settling in well and that you like your community. Hope all continues to go well for you. It sounds like you are already navigating your way through the dependent world with style and efficiency







.

MommaKitten: Welcome to our world, and congrats on your impending arrival.

Sorry I've been MIA. I had a tough time, emotionally speaking, with sending my older boys off to visit their father in CA for the summer. I understand, intellectually, that this is their special time with their dad and that they need to spend time with him. However, my little boys are heartbroken because their brothers and DH (their father) are gone right now, and life is a little too quiet without the older DSs rambunctious energy







. Anyhow, we are starting to get into a summer routine and enjoying the little bit of warmer weather. The Puget Sound area has some great scenery and activities for families, so we are trying to get out more and explore some because I'm not as nauseous these days







.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that we are welcoming DS #5 to our family in mid-November. There are two areas of concern (thickened nuchal fold and small hole in the heart) that have increased our risk of trisomy 21 to 1/168, but I remain confident that our baby will be fine regardless. However, I'm preparing myself for the possibility, and investigating EFMP and early intervention options as I want to be sure that we advocate well for ourselves. Does anyone have experience with navigating the system for a Down's child? If so, I'd love to hear from you.

That's pretty much it from my corner of the world. DH will be home fairly soon, so we have some reintegration activities coming up that should make the waiting less difficult. Much love to everyone







.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Thanks for the helpful information Tabitha...it's really appreciated.

Since DH changed jobs, his AIT will be at Ft. Gordon. The original plan was for him to be gone the entire 8-10 months on his own down there and me stay here with the kids and my family so he could focus on what he needs to.

That plan is not working out too well. My support system is all ready crumbling, and it hasn't even been a week since DH left. With a brand new baby coming any day, I'm scared to death to not have help. DH called last night and said he wants us to move with him as soon as he can get us there. Of course, I'm trying not to get excited about the idea of being with him a heck of a lot sooner, but I also have been reading some crazy horror stories of families not being allowed or issues with housing and all. His AIT is 26 or 28 weeks...so I know we meet that requirement.

I cant believe how different going through this all is with kids and being married verses when we were just dating and he was on the tail end of his service!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Sure if you would like... I never say no to handmade things lol

You get the yarn and I'll knit for you. If you don't know what kind of yarn to get or where to go, I can help you with that.

I was a single mother for 9 years before I married my dh so I know what you mean. I figure, even with as much as my dh is gone, at least I don't have to be the sole provider as well as the sole caregiver for my children.

I keep forgetting to tell everyone that my 19yo ds finally got a job. He was hired at Jiffy Lube last Friday. He's supposed to get a call on Monday about orientation. I'm so happy for him because he's been looking for 7 months here and several months before that in Virginia. I can see how much getting a job has changed his mood.


----------



## LeslieB

Whoa. Totally forgot to sub to this thread, and I'm way behind. Just skimmed the posts, though.
I'm Leslie, another Army wife at Fort Bragg. Just passing the time here until dh starts terminal leave in late Feb or early March 2011. Dh is ready to move on and so am I. It's a bit scary to leave the comfort zone of the military, but it's time. Dh will probably join the Reserves, but that will be totally different than being active.
We don't know exactly what we'll be doing or where we'll be going when he gets out since it's still a little ways out, but we'll figure it out by then. I'm not worried about it. It will just be the next chapter of our lives.
Dh won't be deploying before he gets out, so it will be nice for him to be home for our son. I run a lot of road and trail races so I spend my free time training for those. Other than that I'm a SAHM. I will probably get a part time job when dh gets out since he'll be more flexible not having to deal with the Army.


----------



## mmgrimm

Soul-O - I don't have any experience navigating the EFMP system with a child with Downs but I do have lots of experience with EFMP and early intervention. Both my DSs are legally blind and my youngest has numerous other medical problems. We are also here at Fort Lewis and Madigan is really good with EFMP...this is actually the reason we are here. Feel free to PM me anytime.


----------



## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hi









We were stationed at Ft. Gordon with the 202nd MI (military intelligence) BN for almost two years. Like all Army locations, this post has it's plusses and minuses. This was our first duty station after DH went into active duty (was Nat'l Guard), so I'm certain that some of my perceptions are colored by the culture shock that I experienced from moving to Georgia after a lifetime in So. California. Therefore, take all with a grain of salt







.

On the plus side, it is fairly small and easy to navigate. The on post medical facilities are easily accessible, and for the most part, if you use them you will be able to see your PCM each time you visit. There is a great pediatrician in the Community Care Clinic named Dr. Bentel - excellent bedside manner, breastfeeding-friendly, encouraging of alternative medical practices, doesn't rush visits etc.. The civilian employees who work on post have been there a long time and tend to be very friendly and family oriented. I actually really liked the public school on post - some excellent teachers, staff takes the time to get to know your family and your child, and a great Pre-K program on site. The city of Augusta and the surrounding communities are very supportive of the Army folks, so you don't feel unwelcome (as is the case in certain locales where the military is not well supported).

On the minus side.. Augusta is not the nicest, safest city in the South. There isn't a lot going on culturally speaking. AP/NFL practices are generally frowned upon (i.e. nursing in public especially!). If your DH happens to be an MI soldier, you and your family will feel invisible to the community at large. This is primarily a Signal post, so the MI folks are somewhat forgotten. Some of the on-post housing is pretty bad. And... (no flames please!).. If you are not used to the way the South works, you may experience some serious culture shock and wish you could go home for a good portion of your stay in GA







.

I'd say that, in general, you could do better, or you could do worse as far as duty stations are concerned. There are some fun things to do nearby (Zoo in Columbia, SC is fun, Discovery Science Center), and the beaches/Atlanta are about a 2 hr drive away.

Anyhow, hope this helps. Good luck, and enjoy the adventure that is life in the military!

Oh, man! Talk about differences in opinion- I've been TRYING to get to Gordon for the past 5 years. Of course, we have family there (my husband grew up in the general area, and I went to college near there), and really like the area, so that makes a difference. I also like that the base is smaller- no waiting at the gate for forever in the morning.


----------



## MommaKitten21

So this might be a stupid question.....

but we have a huge chance of DH being able to come home on a pass for 4 days for the birth of this baby.... is the round trip flight provided by the military, or out of our pocket?

This is going to make the difference as to whether or not it happens... and I don't want to get my heart set on it quite yet!


----------



## Maluhia

out of pocket.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Even if it's from calling the red cross emergency number? Someone said the red cross pays for them? Ughh if it's out of pocket then it cant happen


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Even if it's from calling the red cross emergency number? Someone said the red cross pays for them? Ughh if it's out of pocket then it cant happen









Out of pocket but they will definitely give him the time if he's expecting a baby. I didn't realize he was going to AIT. Do you have family or anyone that can help out with the cost? Is he able to take an emergency loan from finance? I hope it all works out for you


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Out of pocket but they will definitely give him the time if he's expecting a baby.

Wow, really? We didn't get that.


----------



## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Wow, really? We didn't get that.

Paternity leave is a relatively new thing. The AF, for example, just started giving 10 days to new dads, as of last year.


----------



## MommaKitten21

ughh I'm so done, ladies. I just want to give up.

DH re-enlisted after being out for a while... right now he is just sitting at reception for WTC in Oklahoma for the next month to two months... issues with overbooking soldiers for WTC







so the 8 months away has quickly turned to 10....and they still aren't sure if he will start next month or not.

As far as time to come home for the birth, I know it's not going to be an issue since they just have him in limbo.

I talked to the red cross...and they said DH can apply for a zero interest loan for travel, but even then i looked up the prices and it's going to be $800.00 out of his pay.... i don't think we can justify that.

i thought i had family to support me through this... but that's proving to not be the case every day... and the worst part is I don't even feel like my midwife is on my side anymore since DH left. I really just wish I had a backup OB I could schedule a C-section with because I feel like it's going to happen anyways. I'm feeling way too vulnerable and being pushed around by everyone since DH is gone. I really have been trying to keep my head above water, but it is not working too well. I'm just beyond frustrated and hormonal.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ein328* 
Paternity leave is a relatively new thing. The AF, for example, just started giving 10 days to new dads, as of last year.

My dh got 10 days of paternity leave when we had ds2 but he was not deployed. Whenever anyone in any of my dh's units has been deployed, though, they didn't get paternity leave or any other kind of leave to come home for a birth. But I now see that the ADM in question is not deployed, just away from home.

Mommakitten ~







I don't get much support from my family, either, even though they think they are supporting me. It can feel very lonely being pg and having a baby without your SO with you.

I know this is cliche and I'm not trying to minimize your feelings but do try to keep positive about having a vaginal birth. It can make all the difference. Can you get a doula that will support you and stick up for what you want? Many doulas offer their services for free to women who's dhes are deployed. Ugh, what's the name of the organization? I can never remember it.


----------



## MovingMomma

Yup, DH had 10 days of paternity leave for both DDs. But he wasn't deployed or TAD or anything.

Mommakitten:







I second the doula recommendation. I don't remember the numbers, but I read _Impact of Birthing Practices_ on Breastfeeding a little bit ago and doulas have a HUGE influence on birth outcomes. There was even one study that demonstrated a significant benefit to having a passive observer in the room. Not as large as a doula, but I was astounded! I found this: http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/apply.htm which says the partner has to be deployed, but:

Quote:

Routinely scheduled deployments and trainings, as well as regular changes in orders do not qualify. However, if you are in one of those situations and need help, please contact us at [email protected]. We may be able to help you find a low cost private doula.
Do you have Army Relief or something like that? There's a Navy Marine Corps Relief Society that helps out (usually with low interest loans) for tough financial situations. I don't remember a large lump sum taken out of DH's paycheck when we used that program...small amounts over a period of time, maybe, but a large lump sum kinda seems to defeat the purpose!


----------



## ~Katie~

Paternity leave for those having a baby during a deployment doesn't start until they return and they can only take it after all redeployment stuff is done. I believe they have 30 or 60 days to take it. Her DH is at AIT and as far as I know they have no problem sending folks home if they're having a baby, though it can mean being held back a bit and graduating later. When my DH was at BOLC3 there was a guy who went home for a week and still ended up graduating on time because his wife had a baby. It would be his responsibility to cover the cost, even if he was deployed they most likely wouldn't send him home unless he was taking that time as R&R.

MK - Does the loan come out in installments? There are loans you can ask for through finance that will come out in installments and won't make much of a dent per month in his pay. When we first moved we needed to take a loan for a full month's pay in order to cover costs until DH got paid and it came out as something like $99 a month for a year. Army relief will give loans for emergency situations, I think your's would qualify: http://www.aerhq.org/.


----------



## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
ughh I'm so done, ladies. I just want to give up.

DH re-enlisted after being out for a while... right now he is just sitting at reception for WTC in Oklahoma for the next month to two months... issues with overbooking soldiers for WTC







so the 8 months away has quickly turned to 10....and they still aren't sure if he will start next month or not.

As far as time to come home for the birth, I know it's not going to be an issue since they just have him in limbo.

I talked to the red cross...and they said DH can apply for a zero interest loan for travel, but even then i looked up the prices and it's going to be $800.00 out of his pay.... i don't think we can justify that.

i thought i had family to support me through this... but that's proving to not be the case every day... and the worst part is I don't even feel like my midwife is on my side anymore since DH left. I really just wish I had a backup OB I could schedule a C-section with because I feel like it's going to happen anyways. I'm feeling way too vulnerable and being pushed around by everyone since DH is gone. I really have been trying to keep my head above water, but it is not working too well. I'm just beyond frustrated and hormonal.

I know you're frustrated, but there are resources available to help! CAPPA provides free birth doulas to military moms whose husbands are deployed- you should definitely check into it.

http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Also if he misses more then a few days while in AIT then he might get pushed back a class which is always something to think about.
Red cross will only help cover the travel cost as a grant and not a loan if you are overseas at the time.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ein328* 
I know you're frustrated, but there are resources available to help! CAPPA provides free birth doulas to military moms whose husbands are deployed- you should definitely check into it.

http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/









I totally agree you should look into a doula... it will likely end up being cheaper (even if you have to pay for her) than the loan to get him back home AND likely be a lot less hassle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
You get the yarn and I'll knit for you. If you don't know what kind of yarn to get or where to go, I can help you with that.

I was a single mother for 9 years before I married my dh so I know what you mean. I figure, even with as much as my dh is gone, at least I don't have to be the sole provider as well as the sole caregiver for my children.

I keep forgetting to tell everyone that my 19yo ds finally got a job. He was hired at Jiffy Lube last Friday. He's supposed to get a call on Monday about orientation. I'm so happy for him because he's been looking for 7 months here and several months before that in Virginia. I can see how much getting a job has changed his mood.

Sorry I do not know how I did not see this before lol

first of all, congrats to your son... Jiffy Lube can be a really good springboard into a career as a mechanic if he is willing to get some training... and thats a job that has fairly good job security (whether its cars or machines in factories, they tend to need humans to fix them!) DH is basically a diesel mechanic and plans on getting more training after he retires to focus on doing it as a civilian career... he never thought to get a job as a mechanic, but once he got stuck with this MOS (really was not his first choice!) he realized how much he actually loves doing it!

Secondly... theres a Michaels over by Old Navy right? Do you have anywhere else you would suggest that would be better? And what kind of yarn should I get?


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
theres a Michaels over by Old Navy right? Do you have anywhere else you would suggest that would be better? And what kind of yarn should I get?

I love The Tail Spinner in Richlands!


----------



## ~Katie~

I don't believe she qualifies for OSD because her DH isn't deployed. MK, try posting in FYT about needing a doula and I'm sure you'll get at least a few replies, possibly some that would be willing to work with you on price as well. If I was closer I'd help you out in a heartbeat


----------



## EdnaMarie

Hi everyone. Wow, this got long fast. We were on leave and had a great time. So glad for all the reunions. Welcome to the new moms here. I'm just subbing.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Even if it's from calling the red cross emergency number? Someone said the red cross pays for them? Ughh if it's out of pocket then it cant happen









Any emergency or other leave is out of pocket. The army only pays for things they make you do (like move). My husband paid out of pocket to see his baby, as well as to see his son who was in intensive and critical care, in a life-and-death situation. However, this is the case with most employers...


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Dh got his date to ship his stuff out today. We have a general date for him to leave but having the date for his stuff is just more then I thought....


----------



## EdnaMarie

I'm sorry...







We have general dates too but when they started to go through the step-by-step I was almost in tears.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
Dh got his date to ship his stuff out today. We have a general date for him to leave but having the date for his stuff is just more then I thought....

I think I said almost the exact same thing when we packed up DH's stuff. The reality of it sets in.


----------



## justKate

Hugs all around.

When DD was born she had to be airlifted to a NICU about 4 hours away, where she spent 3 weeks. Huz' command cut him orders as a "medical escort" for DD so that he could be off w/o using leave _and_ stay at the hospital with her during this time. But he was not TAD or deployed at the time. Not sure if this is helpful.

*Soul-o*, extra







to you. Your LO is lucky to have you.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

justKatel not sure when your DD was born but I know a few years ago they changed rules on medical escort orders.

I have known since we got here a general frame(3-4 week) course that has only been about 10 weeks that we have been here so.All of our deployments have been last min as things were happening never so pre-planned so I didn't expect it to be much before he really left and I know it isn't a huge time before but I was expecting like days before he left for this stuff to ship.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Thanks for the help, ladies.

I do have a doula... and she is offering her services for free to me, but her and the midwife work very closely together and have done several births. I'm just starting to lose faith in the midwife.

As far as DH coming home is concerned, he wont get pushed back or anything because the guys are doing nothing. The Army overbooked people, so he isn't doing anything. No training. No nothing. Just "busy" work until the next WTC course starts mid August...hopefully, they will have room for him in that one. Otherwise, he will be doing the same thing until September.

If the loan comes out in installments, it will be fine. I am planning on talking to DH about it all next time he calls.

I'm sure we will settle back in to the army life, but it's way way different this time... and last time, I wasn't near my family. I think that made a huge difference. They are just downright toxic sometimes.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

If it is a certain thing with the MW I would talk with her or the doula in passing about it.
Yes being near family can make things harder then they should be. Glad he is at a point it wont set him back.
I think that if you get a aer loan you can do payments.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
first of all, congrats to your son... Jiffy Lube can be a really good springboard into a career as a mechanic if he is willing to get some training... and thats a job that has fairly good job security (whether its cars or machines in factories, they tend to need humans to fix them!) DH is basically a diesel mechanic and plans on getting more training after he retires to focus on doing it as a civilian career... he never thought to get a job as a mechanic, but once he got stuck with this MOS (really was not his first choice!) he realized how much he actually loves doing it!

Secondly... theres a Michaels over by Old Navy right? Do you have anywhere else you would suggest that would be better? And what kind of yarn should I get?

Thanks. My ds has been saying for a while that if he can't be a chef, he'd like to be a mechanic so I think this job will be good for him. He'll get a taste of what that type of work is really like.

There _is_ a Micheal's near the Old Navy. They don't have a very big selection but they might have a few solid colors of Paton's and/or Lion Brand Wool. I wouldn't get the Fisherman's Wool. It's too rough. There's The Tail Spinner in Richlands that will probably have more wool. I haven't been there in a while. I actually tried to go there just the other day but they were already closed. There's also a place called Phootsy's Yarn Cottage in downtown Jacksonville. It's better than Micheal's but maybe not quite as good as The Tail Spinner.

To be honest, I have never used any store bought yarn to make baby items. It feels way too rough to me compared to the stuff I get online. That's me, though. I know others have used and liked the store bought yarns. I've read you can use alpaca, too, but I've not tried it.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
To be honest, I have never used any store bought yarn to make baby items. It feels way too rough to me compared to the stuff I get online. That's me, though. I know others have used and liked the store bought yarns. I've read you can use alpaca, too, but I've not tried it.

What online places do you recommend?


----------



## ~Katie~

Thumbs up for alpaca. I've used it quite a bit and it can be machine washable and is sooooo soft. Perfect for baby items.

I'll be sending positive thoughts your way, MK









AFM, still no word back on DH's job next year. So far everyone has been pretty prompt in sending replies until now, so I have a feeling nobody knows the answer or doesn't want to give him one. DH has a strong suspicion that the first person he spoke to may have just told him he had a job in order to get him to go back there when there really isn't one. He says he wants it all straightened out by August in case he has to start checking out job prospects, at this point the likelihood of that seems a lot stronger.


----------



## EdnaMarie

My alpaca blanket (now a doormat...  ) shrunk so badly in the washer. How is it washable?


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Thumbs up for alpaca. I've used it quite a bit and it can be machine washable and is sooooo soft. Perfect for baby items.

Have you used it for soakers? I'm not sure if it's naturally lanolized and would be water resistant. I guess it makes sense that it would be since all mammals secrete oils. OTOH, if one is using AIOs or something like Fuzzi Bunz, it doesn't matter. Also, have you used store bought wool or alpaca for soakers? If so, did it work ok?

As far as being machine washable, I'm going to guess that it's probably the same as sheep wool. If it's treated a certain way, it can be machine washable. The sheep wool is usually called superwash then. I don't know if the washable wools would be good for soakers, again because of the lanolin. I don't know how the fibers are treated to make them machine washable. If they are coated with something, that could keep it from holding lanolin.

Yarn Stores:

Three Irish Girls (always available for ordering, I believe)

Mosaic Moon

Nurturing Threads

Wildflower Whimsy

Malabrigo Yarn (always available and most likely to get semi-solid colors)

Hyena Cart Handdyed Yarn (There should always be something available on here since many stores list.)

Necessitae

Coops:

Crunchy Cooperative

Yarn Lovers Unite (YLU)

And, of course, Ravelry. You might have to join but people are always selling yarn on there. You can look up by the yarn brands and see what's available.

If you want to get something right away, Ravelry, Malabrigo or Hyena Cart is probably the best way to go. Go for a worsted or aran weight merino. Malabrigo is very soft, excellent for newborns, but it's more prone to pilling and felting. My fave type is Blue Faced Leicester (BFL) but any of them will work. A lot of people seem to like Cestari. I just got that for the first time. I haven't knit it up yet. I like it but still not as much as the BFL. YLU is always having yarn coops. I can't vouch for all the brands and the colorways may be limited but it's something to look at. The yarn is at a slightly discounted price through the coops most of the time. A Mosaic Moon coop starting on the 15th but those fill up fast, I mean within a few hours.

I could go on and on so I'll stop now. Just LMK if you want more info. I have this I could make into something if anyone is interested. I bought it for myself because I love the colors but have decided there's just nothing I can make that I'll wear. It's definitely bright. I'd definitely make some longies or a skirtie for a baby girl if I had one.


----------



## MarineWife

I don't think I said this. You'll probably need a minimum of 140 yds of yarn for a pair of shorts and 200 yds for longies. That's for a small size and the bare minimums. A little extra is always good. If you have to get 2 skeins of 120yds each, for example, so you end up with a lot of extra, I can always make something else like booties and/or a hat.

The Mosaic Moon coop on the 15th is on Crunchy Cooperative.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

For soakers, longies or what ever you want to avoid superwash wool of any type. You want hand wash only wool.
Also anytime you aren't sure if the wool is super-wash/machine washable only hand wash.

I have some store bought wool and online wool longies and after they have been lanolized the online is still little softer but to the point if they weren't side by side you would be able to guess by only seeing one or the other.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
For soakers, longies or what ever you want to avoid superwash wool of any type. You want hand wash only wool.
Also anytime you aren't sure if the wool is super-wash/machine washable only hand wash.

I have some store bought wool and online wool longies and after they have been lanolized the online is still little softer but to the point if they weren't side by side you would be able to guess by only seeing one or the other.

Ok, that's what I was assuming with the superwash.

So, you like the store bought longies just as much as the ones you got online? Do you know which yarns were used for each?

I'm going to the Tail Spinner today so I'll see/feel what they have in wool.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Three Irish Girls
Mosaic Moon

2 others I am not sure(I tend to buy 2nd hand on wool) and then my store bought ones are Paton I think, if not Lions. They only had those 2 brands and all of one of them were superwash.
When I had to buy online for my own knitting i get them from - http://www.knitpicks.com/knitting.cfm and get Bare Peruvian Highland Wool Worsted Yarn then dye it or get Wool of the Andes Worsted Yarn or Shamrock.


----------



## ~Katie~

I have several pairs of alpaca longies and treating them with Lanolin in optional, the place I ordered them from said they could be washed as delicates in the washer and they did shrink a small amount the first time but after that they were fine. I only washed them maybe once a month. Alpaca has some kind of natural resin that makes it waterproof and it can't be washed off. I've also made shorties with them (but I don't machine wash those) I purchased the yarn in NY and it was local to me. I also made lots of baby hats and mittens with it.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I have several pairs of alpaca longies and treating them with Lanolin in optional, the place I ordered them from said they could be washed as delicates in the washer and they did shrink a small amount the first time but after that they were fine. I only washed them maybe once a month. Alpaca has some kind of natural resin that makes it waterproof and it can't be washed off.

Oh, so alpaca might be even better than sheep wool if the water resistant resin doesn't ever wash off. Then you'd never have to lanolize like you do with the wool eventually.

I went to the Tail Spinner and I have to say that I would not buy any yarn there to make soakers, shorts or longies. I don't think they really had much more selection than Micheal's. They carry Cascade wool instead of Patons and Lion Brand. They did have some alpaca that I might consider now in light of what Katie just said but the sheep's wool felt way to rough to me.

There's The Salty Sheep yarn store in Swansboro that actually carries Malabrigo. They might have other good wool.


----------



## MarineWife

I'm back from the Salty Sheep in Swansboro. By far, I'd say they have the best selection of good yarn. That's definitely where I'll go from now on if I want to buy yarn from a store. They have a lot of malabrigo worsted for $11.50 a skein. I didn't see any military green but they had a few different browns. There were also several other wools and alpaca. They carry Blue Sky Alpaca. Would that be good for soakers or is it processed too much?

Like I said before, though, if you are using AIOs or pockets with PUL or separate covers, you can use any fiber you want.


----------



## Jaxinator

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
Just passing the time here until dh starts terminal leave in late Feb or early March 2011. Dh is ready to move on and so am I. It's a bit scary to leave the comfort zone of the military, but it's time.

We're getting out too. I'm so done with the AF (and I'm not even the AD one), but I'm slightly terrified at the thought of having to move somewhere and actually having to make my own friends. Built in friends are nice.
Or not have BAH/OHA. Or knowing I'll have to live somewhere for longer than 5 years. I don't know if I'm ready for that!

I may even miss talking in acronyms.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Well ladies,

midwife is on her way... and red cross is about to get a phone call and hopefully DH will be on his way home as well.

A lady from my home church donated money to pay for his flight and just to help with whatever other expenses.... I guess it all really does work out in the end.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

MK hope it goes quickly and easy and everything works out perfect, sounds like it really is.

One good thing about getting ready, he is getting block leave and for the 1st time in 13 years really we are taking a small trip that has nothing to seeing either of our family. Now I just have to plan it.


----------



## MovingMomma

MommaKitten:


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Well ladies,

midwife is on her way... and red cross is about to get a phone call and hopefully DH will be on his way home as well.

A lady from my home church donated money to pay for his flight and just to help with whatever other expenses.... I guess it all really does work out in the end.


----------



## ~Katie~

MK!

I'm tearing up for you, what a wonderful update! You'll be in my thoughts today, easy laboring vibes!


----------



## ein328

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Well ladies,

midwife is on her way... and red cross is about to get a phone call and hopefully DH will be on his way home as well.

A lady from my home church donated money to pay for his flight and just to help with whatever other expenses.... I guess it all really does work out in the end.

How wonderful! What a blessing!

So excited for you to meet your new little one!


----------



## ~Katie~

Ladies who recommended the hypnobirthing book: which book is it that I should get? I saw two but wasn't sure which one...


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
Ladies who recommended the hypnobirthing book: which book is it that I should get? I saw two but wasn't sure which one...

I mentioned hypnobirthing and have _Hypnobirthing The Mongan Method_ by Marie F. Mongan. I can't really recommend it because I only got to page 65 and haven't used it in labor. I'm not saying it's not good. I just don't know.


----------



## Katsmamajama

We've passed the halfway point with DH's course!







I think he's really going to be able to do well as Mortuary Affairs, in the last 6 weeks he's gone to the morgue twice, and with no issues!  He goes to Dover next week, and that's the last major hurdle before graduation. Now that he's not nervous about the morgue, he's nervous about Dover-- he always has to have a hurdle! He's always been the glass half empty to my glass half full, so I'm not terribly surprised.

He's supposed to be sending me the paperwork to get on the housing list tomorrow, so hopefully we can get part of the wait burned off before we show up!


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Well ladies,

midwife is on her way... and red cross is about to get a phone call and hopefully DH will be on his way home as well.

A lady from my home church donated money to pay for his flight and just to help with whatever other expenses.... I guess it all really does work out in the end.

woo hoo!


----------



## Soul-O

Yay MK







! Looking forward to the update when you get a chance







.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Aiiii, MommaKitten, good luck!


----------



## MommaKitten21

Well ladies, update time: and it's not good....

heard from DH a few hours ago and he was upset. Said the red cross down there told him it's not an emergency since it's not his first born







they just said welp, congrats!

So, he has a meeting with his commander in about 30 minutes.... but looking like they are not going to send him home







so much for paternity leave....

and now I'm a mess.... all over again.... and labor has stalled.... just a bunch of backache and miserable feelings. not dilating at all.

I understand if he was deployed, I understand if he was in the middle of training... but he is stuck at reception for the next month doing nothing because they overbooked soldiers.... he's just doing pt in the morning, and random jobs throughout the day to pass the time... what is he missing out on? Why cant he come home like they said before? This just makes no sense.


----------



## ~Katie~

MK. Do you have any rescue remedy or calms forte that you can take, any flower essences that your MW or doula has? I'm not sure what red cross has to do with it, ultimately it's up to his commander. I'll be crossing my fingers for good news. You are so strong, I know this is stressful right now. Keep focused on that baby and get some rest and relaxation as much as you can. You can do this.


----------



## EdnaMarie

I'm so sorry. They probably don't want to let him go in case it starts up.














Your baby knows when it wants to come out.

Katie- the red cross verifies the information for the Army.


----------



## Maluhia

Yeah they verify but it is the CDR's job to decide if he should go.

Good luck MommaKitten! I'm so sorry the stress has stalled your labor.


----------



## MommaKitten21

WTC only starts once a month. They all ready did the roster for the one that starts tomorrow, and DH is not on it as reserves and women have priority.... so the next one wont start until approx. Aug 15th. Until then, he is just chilling at reception. I guess that's why I'm so frustrated about things.

The red cross here is sympathetic and have been nothing but kind... the problem appears to be the red cross on base.

Hopefully things get squared away with his commander.... just waiting on a phone call.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Hope the labor picks back up.

The red cross has cat. that thing fall into also that they pass on. They should be contacting his 1sgt or commander not him personally also.
This the command change their mind on him going home?


----------



## MarineWife

MK ~







So frustrating and disappointing. Hopefully, he's command will take care of it. Whatever happens, you can do this.


----------



## candycat




----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *candycat* 
Crashing.. my husband used to be military but is no longer, so I'm not really one of the club.







However... I did have a question! Does anyone know of any mamas who already have kids that joined the services? Specifically the Army... I know there are a million reasons why it's not a popular option to join once you have kids, but I was just wondering if there was anyone who made it work.

not me personally but I do know of several who have. its possible, though it does give you a bit more challenge than doing it without kids.


----------



## swell_mel

so dh took the asvab earlier this week and did really well. the recruiter said he could pretty much pick whatever he wanted to do. he doesn't want to do infantry but he is interested in 13b and 13p which are still combat just not right on the front lines. part of joining the army for him is the soldier experience but at the same time he doesn't want a job that i'm going to be worrying about him the whole time. regardless of what he does if he is deployed i'll worry but i feel like there are certain positions that would make me worry less but i don't want him to pick a job that has less risk but isn't passionate about just so i won't worry a lot. that makes sense right? so can i ask what positions your men have? do they enjoy their job? did you both talk about what he would do first and if so did it help?


----------



## MaerynPearl

DH and I did discuss his new job before he picked it, though we were only friends at the time (and neither knew about the others romantic feelings)

His job is an AAV Tech (a Marine Corps specific vehicle, and he repairs them)

basically, it means hes a diesel mechanic. He loves it, though he went into the job blindly, hoping he would. Probably not a good idea, you know?

We have discussed him staying in and I told him I think I will only _really_ be okay with it if he keeps this MOS, otherwise it will take some discussion. It does not keep him from being deployed (his unit will not be deployed but he could go over on IA, already has once since moving to this MOS... he started out in a different MOS) and if he does get deployed then he could be doing pretty much ANYTHING! TBH though, even if he deployed with his unit, they could switch him while over there and he could be stuck doing a different job.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swell_mel* 
so dh took the asvab earlier this week and did really well. the recruiter said he could pretty much pick whatever he wanted to do. he doesn't want to do infantry but he is interested in 13b and 13p which are still combat just not right on the front lines. part of joining the army for him is the soldier experience but at the same time he doesn't want a job that i'm going to be worrying about him the whole time. regardless of what he does if he is deployed i'll worry but i feel like there are certain positions that would make me worry less but i don't want him to pick a job that has less risk but isn't passionate about just so i won't worry a lot. that makes sense right? so can i ask what positions your men have? do they enjoy their job? did you both talk about what he would do first and if so did it help?

I think those are reasonable concerns to have. Keep in mind that just because they aren't involved in direct combat doesn't mean that they aren't ever going to encounter it. I'm sure you know that. There can be a lot of indirect fire where they don't target anyone in particular, and accidents can happen to anyone.

My DH is a paper pusher







He's an intel officer and an s2, he's currently in an aviation unit. During this last deployment he never left the FOB. His next deployment will be with an infantry unit, so he will most likely be expected to leave the FOB at times. There really aren't any guarantees. He was able to pick his branch but they stuck him where he was needed. I think for the most part he enjoys his job as long as he's working with decent people. When he picked his branch it was more of a decision on what would help him in regards to what he wanted to do after the military and what he was passionate on learning more about, so that might be something to consider.


----------



## MarineWife

My dh picked his MOS for essentially the same reasons you listed. He was very gung ho for infantry until he went through OCS. It's pretty grueling and decided he didn't want to do that all the time. He considered becoming a pilot but was told at the time that he couldn't because he'd had laser eye surgery. The military has flip-flopped on that policy a few times since he joined. I don't know where it stands now. He wanted a combat arms MOS so he chose artillery. He seems to really enjoy. He's gotten to see action from far back shooting whatever it is they shoot (I call them cannons but he says that's not what they are.) and up close because he did have to do foot patrols when he was deployed. It's not any less frightening for me when he's deployed because I know he doesn't always stay back with the artillery stuff. He has to go on patrols, too.


----------



## Sarah W

Like others have said, it isn't just Infantry. My personal opinion, any type of transportation MOS (88M, for example) or Supply MOS (92 series) are just as bad, because you are on the roads _all the time_ and I really think that is the most dangerous place to be in Afghanistan.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Like others have said, it isn't just Infantry. My personal opinion, any type of transportation MOS (88M, for example) or Supply MOS (92 series) are just as bad, because you are on the roads _all the time_ and I really think that is the most dangerous place to be in Afghanistan.

That is so true. The 2 scariest things that I know of that happened to my dh happened while on a truck convoy.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Dh is in aviation but they go all over and driving is the same. Drive or fly all over taking things to people, fixing the trucks that take people and things to where they need to be. There are very jobs that wouldn't put them off the fob while gone or in a fob in a questionable/forward area.


----------



## gagin37

my dh is in the air force and he's a paper pusher right now too, and he hates it. his job is actually in combat communications, but because they have been in the process of closing down the base we're at, they packed up their shop and sent all the equipment else where almost two years ago. Now he's a glorified office manager working with people he really dislikes. He chose his field because it was something interesting, and he had hoped it would mean a chance to get to travel and see some of the world while serving his country. We were just getting to know each other when he enlisted, and he had had his mind made up and his heart set on it long before he met me, so it wasn't a decision we made together.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Update on our situation:

Labor is progressing again... lightly... and DH was approved for leave after my midwife called the red cross and put some serious pressure on them to bring him home for documented medical reasons.... i am not going to get excited until he calls me tomorrow morning and says he is about to board the plane... i am just getting the house ready and trying to keep myself calm and get through the night without serious labor.

As far as DH's jobs....

The first time DH was in he was infantry. He did honor guard at Arlington National Cemetery. Obviously, this was a tough job, so now that he re-enlisted he chose 94fox. He is pretty pumped about it.


----------



## ~Katie~

Such a wonderful update! Way to go for your midwife! Try to get some rest tonight and maybe have a glass of wine, you deserve it







Looking forward to a baby arrival update!


----------



## Soul-O

When my DH was enlisted and in the Guard, he chose 35L (Counter-Intelligence Agent - used to be 97B), then stuck with the same MOS as an AD sergeant, and was branched as MI as an officer. As Katie mentioned, MI tends to be a pretty safe option overall, considering that one doesn't leave the FOB all that much when deployed. DH is in an MI Brigade, and is currently working with signal intelligence (which is where his main interest lies). I would also concur with Sarah W that any driver/supply jobs are pretty risky. There is a reason why those types of jobs were heavily bonused a few years ago!

MK - I'm so happy to hear that your DH was approved for leave. Good luck, and happy labor vibes!


----------



## Sarah W

Yay for you DH hopefully getting to come home!

97B was one of my choices, as was 97E, but I went w/ 96B (all source analyst). Now I'm a 35F.


----------



## MarineWife

MK ~ Wonderful news!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
97B was one of my choices, as was 97E, but I went w/ 96B (all source analyst). Now I'm a 35F.

Do you have actual names for these MOSes? Those of us not in the Army have no idea what any of those numbers mean.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Glad his command is sending him home(really the red cross has nothing to do with him going home or not just notifying his command).
I was 1wo71a but I was in the air force(weather forecasting)
DH is a 15T or 15Z I think. He keeps changing it(both he changed aircraft and then the army a few years ago re-labeld his job and the number) he is a blackhawk crew-chief basically.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
MK ~ Wonderful news!

Do you have actual names for these MOSes? Those of us not in the Army have no idea what any of those numbers mean.









97B = counter-intelligence agent

97E = interrogator (human intelligence collector)

35F = intelligence analyst


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
(really the red cross has nothing to do with him going home or not just notifying his command).











I asked my dh about that and that's what he said. It's solely up to the command whether anyone gets any leave at any time. The Red Cross doesn't have anything to do with that decision. Paternity leave is not a requirement.

I also asked what AIT is since I don't know and was wondering why he couldn't just leave if he wasn't really doing anything. My dh guessed it was some sort of MOS training after boot camp? Anyway, if it is, it's possible that someone might not have the leave built up to take regardless of the circumstances.

Oops. Forgot to say, thank, Tabitha, for that explanation. Interesting. I would've though that any military intelligence MOS would be some of the most dangerous.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

AIT(army), A school(navy or it was back in 94), Tech school(AF, not sure what marines call it, is the job training after boot camp.
Paternity leave is up to the unit although there is now something official for units to use to give it and they strongly push for units to give it.
WTC is army for people that were in and got out and have a certain time break between service so they don't have to redo basic but have to do a refresher training basically.

Dh dealt with all the enlisted red cross messages for his company in Korea and here at Drum.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
AIT(army), A school(navy or it was back in 94), Tech school(AF, not sure what marines call it, is the job training after boot camp.

AIT, A and Tech school are what the different branches call the MOS training after boot camp? I think my dh calls it MOS (military occupational specialty) training. He just informed me that is a Marine Corps specific acronym. Here I was feeling bad about not knowing all of these acronyms, wondering if it was my lack of interest in my dh's job or his lack of sharing. Turns out it's just that he either doesn't use any of these acronyms or never has had a reason to. For example, FOB? I had to ask him what that was and then asked him why I didn't know that or why he hadn't ever told me that before. He said because he's never been at a FOB. Hehe

My dh's unit was scheduled to go to the Big Island for training the week of my EDD when I was pg with ds2 (his 1st). If he had left before I went into labor, he would not have been able to come back even though he was just a couple islands over. DS2 was our first, and possibly only since we were told we had fertility problems, child together and I wanted him to be with me when he was born. That is the only reason I agreed to be induced. Since I went into labor and had ds before dh's unit left, he got his full 10 days of leave and was flown over later to hook up with everyone else.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
AIT, A and Tech school are what the different branches call the MOS training after boot camp? I think my dh calls it MOS (military occupational specialty) training. He just informed me that is a Marine Corps specific acronym. Here I was feeling bad about not knowing all of these acronyms, wondering if it was my lack of interest in my dh's job or his lack of sharing. Turns out it's just that he either doesn't use any of these acronyms or never has had a reason to. For example, FOB? I had to ask him what that was and then asked him why I didn't know that or why he hadn't ever told me that before. He said because he's never been at a FOB. Hehe

lol... this is why Im glad I have a bit of Army background myself and Navy from my step dad (and a good friend who recently joined) so I do understand AIT = MOS training... I had to explain MOS training to my little brother (Who is currently finishing up basic and about to go to AIT) because he was talking about what he would be allowed at AIT and I was agreeing that Ry was allowed most of that stuff at MOS training and he just looked at me weird like... wtf is MOS? lol


----------



## 2ID_Wife

MOS that is what they call it couldn't remember. The AF calls it an AFSC(air force specialty code) not MOS. They do need to have a few more standard acronyms though.
That is great they let him stay behind since you were in labor/had the baby.


----------



## MaerynPearl

I think DH gets sick of me asking him so much sometimes lol... but then I think he probably thinks I feel the same about him asking me baby things (this is his first) so maybe he gets a kick out of it like I do.

I had to ask him what we keep hearing booming (and clarifying that I'm not stupid, I know its them firing a weapon but just wondering WHAT weapon... he said probably howitzers)

I have gotten smart enough to be able to spot an osprey flying overhead!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
I had to ask him what we keep hearing booming (and clarifying that I'm not stupid, I know its them firing a weapon but just wondering WHAT weapon... he said probably howitzers)

My dh shoots the howitzers and he thinks the loud booms are aircraft dropping bombs.







I don't know. We heard plenty of loud booming at Ft. Sill, which is where they do the artillery training.







It can be a bit disconcerting at first but now I hardly even notice it. You'll hear it more often when it's wet and rainy because it's safer that way. Less likely of starting an accidental fire.


----------



## MaerynPearl

I noticed I never heard it until this past week (when it started getting rainy out)

We arent far at all from where they are training with whatever it is so it shakes our whole house... which is frustrating at 11pm when you are trying to sleep! LOL but... ah, the luxuries we give up to be a military family... like getting to sleep through the night.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
You'll hear it more often when it's wet and rainy because it's safer that way. Less likely of starting an accidental fire.

I wondered why they always practiced in the rain!! Duh! that never occurred to me, but it makes perfect sense.


----------



## Sarah W

Sorry about the acronyms! The military is saturated in them. Really, I could write out a paragraph and most people wouldn't have the slightest clue what it meant.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
I noticed I never heard it until this past week (when it started getting rainy out)

We arent far at all from where they are training with whatever it is so it shakes our whole house... which is frustrating at 11pm when you are trying to sleep! LOL but... ah, the luxuries we give up to be a military family... like getting to sleep through the night.

It's probably both artillery and aircraft, but most likely aircraft. It does suck, because if you are doing night training you have to wait until it's dark, and here that's not until 10pm. Then, you can get started. It does suck sometime.

DH had a mission the other night and there were 3 planes and each plane made 3 passes. They were going right over our house. I cursed him as I was trying to sleep. I asked him the next day and yep, it was them.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
We arent far at all from where they are training with whatever it is so it shakes our whole house... which is frustrating at 11pm when you are trying to sleep! LOL

When we lived on the base it was really bad. Shook the house like crazy. We now live about as close as you can get to the main gate without being on the base and it still shakes the house some. We also get aircraft flying over a lot, sometimes really low. My dh hasn't actually done any artillery here yet. He's been with an air unit of sorts.

Sarah ~ I know!







I'm constantly telling my dh to use real words.









Quote:

That is great they let him stay behind since you were in labor/had the baby.
Yes, we were very lucky. DS was born 4 or 5 days before dh's unit left so they could have told dh he had to go. His CO let him have his full 10 days. I've noticed that having a CO who's a family man makes a lot of difference.

I don't think it's anything the guys without families do on purpose. I just think they don't understand what it's like. For example, we had brunch with dh's roommate from OK on Sunday. (Yes, he ended up stationed here, too.) As we were leaving he told dh to give him call if he wanted to work out Monday morning. I had to tell him dh wouldn't have time because this week is my vacation time. He had a very puzzled look on his face. He does not have any idea what it's been like caring for the kids and the home on my own for the last 14 months. He's lucky he didn't make a smart comment or else we probably wouldn't be able to socialize anymore.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

It can really depends on where you if you are army, aviation is very limited on what post they can go too.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Update on our situation:

Labor is progressing again... lightly... and DH was approved for leave after my midwife called the red cross and put some serious pressure on them to bring him home for documented medical reasons.... i am not going to get excited until he calls me tomorrow morning and says he is about to board the plane... i am just getting the house ready and trying to keep myself calm and get through the night without serious labor.

As far as DH's jobs....

The first time DH was in he was infantry. He did honor guard at Arlington National Cemetery. Obviously, this was a tough job, so now that he re-enlisted he chose 94fox. He is pretty pumped about it.

I want that midwife for my next baby. That's incredible. Good for her and hooray for you. I'm thinking of you!


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Yes, we were very lucky. DS was born 4 or 5 days before dh's unit left so they could have told dh he had to go. His CO let him have his full 10 days. I've noticed that having a CO who's a family man makes a lot of difference.

I don't think it's anything the guys without families do on purpose. I just think they don't understand what it's like. For example, we had brunch with dh's roommate from OK on Sunday. (Yes, he ended up stationed here, too.) As we were leaving he told dh to give him call if he wanted to work out Monday morning. I had to tell him dh wouldn't have time because this week is my vacation time. He had a very puzzled look on his face. He does not have any idea what it's been like caring for the kids and the home on my own for the last 14 months. He's lucky he didn't make a smart comment or else we probably wouldn't be able to socialize anymore.









lol

I agree! DH has specifically said he is GLAD his new CO has a large family so any time DH has to do anything for us (like signing us up for DEERS) the CO just shrugged and told him what time to be in the next day. He knows how important that sort of stuff is!

Luckily I have seen (due to an unfortunate situation with one of DHs Cpls whose wife is due just a week or two before me) that if something goes wrong with the pregnancy (and of course we hope not) they are very forgiving about letting DH go to the hospital even if baby is not being born right then. On the plus side, that momma is still pregnant last I heard, I make DH keep me updated on that. Shes only about 33 weeks at the furthest right now. I always ask how the Cpls wife is and he just shrugs... my response is usually... hes not on paternity leave right? Well... no. So the baby is still in there!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
I agree! DH has specifically said he is GLAD his new CO has a large family so any time DH has to do anything for us (like signing us up for DEERS) the CO just shrugged and told him what time to be in the next day. He knows how important that sort of stuff is!

I'm a little nervous about my dh's new CO. He's a confirmed bachelor and a workaholic. He was actually my dh's very first CO at his first assignment after MOS training, so my dh does have some experience with him and remembers what he was like. They changed COs after only a few weeks, though. He stays at the office late just about every night and does not allow any of his officers to leave before him.

On another note, my dh says his new unit isn't scheduled for another deployment for *2* years! I don't know if we'll be able to handle him being home that long.







Of course, he won't be home that entire time because he'll still have to go here and there for training. He already has to cut his vacation time by at least a week because they are going out in the field and he has to go. *sigh* Such is life.


----------



## 2ID_Wife

Ih ave had some really good single commanders and some really bad married with family commanders when it comes to family issues.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
On another note, my dh says his new unit isn't scheduled for another deployment for *2* years! I don't know if we'll be able to handle him being home that long.







Of course, he won't be home that entire time because he'll still have to go here and there for training. He already has to cut his vacation time by at least a week because they are going out in the field and he has to go. *sigh* Such is life.

lol its what we marry into...

DHs unit doesn't get deployed so we have NO clue when his next one might possibly be since they like to throw him on IA. However, not likely for him to go on another IA before June of next year.

However, he wants to do Sgts Course (he was promoted overseas so he never got to do it) and advanced MOS training for his MOS. He also wants to be an MCT instructor as his B billet.

His particular position does not do field ops (his battalion does but he is generally left behind on those) so that's nice.

Saturday is his first time on duty as a married man. UGH lol... not looking forward to that!


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'm a little nervous about my dh's new CO. He's a confirmed bachelor and a workaholic. He was actually my dh's very first CO at his first assignment after MOS training, so my dh does have some experience with him and remembers what he was like. They changed COs after only a few weeks, though. He stays at the office late just about every night and does not allow any of his officers to leave before him.

On another note, my dh says his new unit isn't scheduled for another deployment for *2* years! I don't know if we'll be able to handle him being home that long.








Of course, he won't be home that entire time because he'll still have to go here and there for training. He already has to cut his vacation time by at least a week because they are going out in the field and he has to go. *sigh* Such is life.

I am LOLing so hard at the deployment part... we have also been separated so often that I don't know how we'd do two years.

Sorry about the CO. My DH just got moved to another company, right after I was made point of contact for ours. ARGH! I finally felt I was getting into things. But hey, on another point entirely, my neighbor, in the same company (lucky us) is also moving to the new company. Rah!


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## ~adorkable~

Wow, so many new folks and so nicely chatty we are going to have to go back to monthly threads!!

Just got back from being out of town and wanted to say hi, DH is 10 years in to a Army life and we are currently at Ft Lewis but moving to DC late August. I'm 3 months preggo with twins, our first kids and we are thrilled. due in Jan, hope DC winter will be kind to us.

One thing I wanted to ask about is meeting folks in the military. I always hear how great it is to have all these other military families to band together with, but my experience is that it seems hard to meet folks. Yeah i do a lot of chatting at various functions but those are aquantinances not really friends. Folks some seem to care about being real friends be use they are just going to move again it seems.
I realize that as I get older (36) in getting sucky at making friends so it may be me, but I'm outgoing and usally find it easy to chat with folks.

I just that part of it has been not having kids, other ladies even close to my age or more importantly my life stage have a kid or two and those that don't are rare I. The military or are very very young. Will this be easier when I have kids and we have a reason to start talking?
I'm double worried about this in DC since base life as most of us know it is not really there, very few folks live on base, his work is actually not on the same base as the living and comisarry and stuff ( he's going to Walter Reed and then probably Bethesda when they merge) so I guess I just worry that we won't have much reason to be around a unit or a group. (hospital units seem notorious for having nearly no FRG or unit functions, hope this one is different)
And with the babies coming, I don't feel like a will be able to do a lot of volunteer work that might up my chances to get involved.

Urrgh, maybe I'm worring to much, I just feel like I'm already isolated and DC and babies will just make it extreme.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Urrgh, maybe I'm worring to much, I just feel like I'm already isolated and DC and babies will just make it extreme.

I suggest you look for AP groups, La Leche League meetings if you are planning to breastfeed, and twin groups rather than focusing so much on making military connections. I say that because I have found it difficult to find many other military families who parent the way that I do so I feel even more isolated in many ways because we have kids. I can't seem to say anything about the way we parent without either being told I'm crazy or offending someone who thinks I'm judging her parenting.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I suggest you look for AP groups, La Leche League meetings if you are planning to breastfeed, and twin groups rather than focusing so much on making military connections. I say that because I have found it difficult to find many other military families who parent the way that I do so I feel even more isolated in many ways because we have kids. I can't seem to say anything about the way we parent without either being told I'm crazy or offending someone who thinks I'm judging her parenting.

This all the way









I've never found it easy to socialize with the other wives in our squadron. All my friend's, military and none (I have a good mix of both, which is really nice), that I have made here, I've met through our local AP group or LLL.


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## MaerynPearl

TBH I do not figure I will be making friends left and right, even living in a town of 2500 where everyone knows everyone I hardly had any friends. I did make acquaintance with two neighbors (one whos hubby is military as well, other neither are... we dont live on base) but havent gotten to the point of friendship with them (but the weather hasnt been that great for going outside lately, either hot or storming and being pregnant that sucks)

I know a lot of Marine Corps wives, whether long time friends whos hubbys joined or people I met online and have become close with... so I have a chance at any base DH could be stationed at (he only has a few his MOS is available at) of already having a long-time friend nearby. Down here, luckily, I have 2... 1 whos hubby has been friends with DH for a very long time as well and the other who has been friends with myself and hubby for a long time (she was there the day he came home from Iraq and got a lot of nice pics for us)

Those are pretty much the only friendships I count on having. Anything else is bonus to me.

That said, when my step-dad was in, my mom made a lot of friends she never talks to now and just 2 or 3 she still does (he has been retired for about 15 years now)


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I suggest you look for AP groups, La Leche League meetings if you are planning to breastfeed, and twin groups rather than focusing so much on making military connections. I say that because I have found it difficult to find many other military families who parent the way that I do so I feel even more isolated in many ways because we have kids. I can't seem to say anything about the way we parent without either being told I'm crazy or offending someone who thinks I'm judging her parenting.











Finding Your Tribe will probably be one of your best sources for finding playgroups and figuring out when/where different kid activities are. I've been lucky to always have semi-decent neighbors to befriend but I don't have a lot of military friends aside from here on MDC.


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## ~Katie~

Speaking of CO's, I received probably one of the most kind and compassionate emails from my DH's NG unit commander. And it wasn't even good news. There's a good chance that my DH will miss Thanksgiving and Christmas next year as they prepare for their deployment, that wasn't the original plan but things have kind of been pushed to the left, or at least they're preparing for them to be. This man was so kind and apologetic and seemed genuinely concerned about everyone and their families. Such a MASSIVE change from the old commander who just left his current unit, who quite honestly didn't seem to care one bit whether anyone had a family or not. I don't know much about the new CO who replaced him but DH said he's impressed with him.


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## MarineWife

I've only made one really good friend since my dh has been in the military. I've never been a big socializer, though. I've always had only one close, best friend at a time. I have met some really great Mamas at local AP playgroups that I found through this website, some military, some not.

Making friends in either of those groups is hard for me. I'm definitely not a typical military spouse. Other military people usually call me a hippie or beatnik. I've found that I'm a lot less crunchy than most of the AP moms I've met. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle and don't quite fit anywhere.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I'm stuck somewhere in the middle and don't quite fit anywhere.

I know that feeling. As long as I can remember Ive been not enough *whatever* for *insert type of group here*


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## MovingMomma

On the CO thing, the one who was the worst about working hours was in an unhappy marriage.









And for finding friends, ITA w/MW thoughts on looking in AP groups, LLL, etc. Focus on your interests/lifestyle/values and try find people you can get along with there rather than thinking you're stuck with the families of your spouse's coworkers.

In our area I've found that proximity is a really big deal. Families stationed here generally live within a 20 mile radius of the base, but that can mean 40 miles between houses if two people live on the opposite sides of town! I've had a harder time with my support system this deployment b/c most of the friends I'd trust my kids with are on the opposite side of town, so it's not worth it to drive an hour and half round trip to drop the kids off for a playdate so I can get some things done around the house.









I'm not very good at making friends b/c I take a really long time to warm up.







People usually think I'm either sweet and shy or a stuck up you know what, and it can be hard to break through either of those impressions without people misunderstanding my true personality. I've made a handful of close friends in the 10 years I've spent living the military spouse life.

MW: I think you're pretty crunchy!







I think a lot of people put out a vibe that they are _more_ than what they really are. Sometimes this can be more obvious than others, like the gal I know who is incredibly vocal about her dedication to a particular alternative lifestyle, but *every* time I've seen her she is doing something that violates the rules of that lifestyle... (Sorry, I'm keeping that vague on purpose!)


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## MovingMomma

Speaking of making friends and all, have all you gals in the Lejeune area seen the AP group on FB? PM me for the link if you want it. There's a playdate tomorrow!


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## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swell_mel* 
so dh took the asvab earlier this week and did really well. the recruiter said he could pretty much pick whatever he wanted to do. he doesn't want to do infantry but he is interested in 13b and 13p which are still combat just not right on the front lines. part of joining the army for him is the soldier experience but at the same time he doesn't want a job that i'm going to be worrying about him the whole time. regardless of what he does if he is deployed i'll worry but i feel like there are certain positions that would make me worry less but i don't want him to pick a job that has less risk but isn't passionate about just so i won't worry a lot. that makes sense right? so can i ask what positions your men have? do they enjoy their job? did you both talk about what he would do first and if so did it help?


Crewing attack heli's has been pretty good to my DH. He was a 15R (Apache Crew Chief) when I married him. His deployment to Afghanistan, the hardest thing he dealt with was pulling bullets out of the body and spot-welding the holes shut.  Apaches only carry their 2 pilots, so he never left their flightline. He switched birds from Apache to Blackhawk (15T, so ya know) when he went NG, but he didn't deploy as that. However, he did have the momentary "danger" of teenage girls asking him how to buckle in at high school static displays-- Landing the bird at a school as a recruiting tool, basically, but the girls would climb in wearing shorty shorts and ask how to buckle a 5 point harness! Yeesh, inappropriate much! But I digress, DH absolutely adored being aviation. It breaks his heart that he can't turn wrenches on the flightline anymore. He's in school currently for 92M (Mortuary Affairs) and although I don't have a lot of info about that one, it's definitely not one for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.

Now, I was in as a 93P (NOW 15P), a Flight Operations Specialist. It's a desk job, but it wasn't too bad. It's a good option, and if I remember right, GT score on that is 115, I think.


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## funfunkyfantastic

Hi, i'm Rachel. My STBXH just deployed today. Unfortunately so did my boyfriend who is on the same ship.







Heh, so instead of just one guy in the military I get to deal with two. Always fun.







I think i'm pretty used to the whole military life thing now. I'm actually planning on joining myself next year. I'd join now but i'm just getting off antidepressants and want to make sure i'm good and stable before joining. I want to join for the educational aspect. I hear the air force is excellent for medical training, which is what i'm going for. I'm just about finished with MA school now.


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## EdnaMarie

My husband just got moved to a unit that's going to a more dangerous area during the deployment. Obviously can't say where but we are SO DISAPPOINTED. He might have otherwise been on a security detail. Now he can't use his language skills... They're so stupid at times!


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## Jaxinator

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
One thing I wanted to ask about is meeting folks in the military. I always hear how great it is to have all these other military families to band together with, but my experience is that it seems hard to meet folks. Yeah i do a lot of chatting at various functions but those are aquantinances not really friends. Folks some seem to care about being real friends be use they are just going to move again it seems.
I realize that as I get older (36) in getting sucky at making friends so it may be me, but I'm outgoing and usally find it easy to chat with folks.



In my experience it depends on the base, squadron and specific job. Right now we're on a smaller base, we had a great squadron commander's wife, who organized tons of stuff and made sure to reach out to people. At our last base I didn't know *one* other person in the squadron who wasn't part of my husband's specific job, and at this one I know tons of people. Our last base was a huge range base, in a large city, stateside. I think also overseas, where we are now, people have more of a reason to try to make friends.

With his job our friends are just... there. We're automatically friends with everyone. Well, there are people who we hang out with more than others, and maybe some others who we just don't mesh with, but there are always parties and whatnot. It's a very small job field so they all wind up knowing each other through deployments, training and other various things. It's not really a job, it's an entire life I guess.

You could see if there are any spouses club at your base. We have one that has socials and go on trips and all sorts of things, lots of people seem to like it. Or trips though the base travel agency, if you have that. Our arts and crafts center has classes, I imagine that would be a good place too.


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## 2ID_Wife

We have issues making friends, here we are so far from post so that is an issue. Overseas it was a little easier but with 6 kids it was harder cause alot of wives were younger no or one kid so they did a lot of stuff I couldn't. Plus with dh position some felt odd. Most people his age/rank have older kids and most my age dh are in a position they feel weird hanging out with him outside work(rank issues).
Before that we were both in and soem wives have issues with females that are in so that made it hard.
I am not as AP as some but to AP for others so I kinda fit no one where often.


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## MarineWife

I know a lot of my feelings about not quite fitting in are my own issue. I feel judged and misunderstood by AP/NFL people a lot of times because I try to radically unschool with my kids. I probably have some of the same reactions to people who are extreme about NFL as conventional parenting people have to me with the AP stuff. I feel like I don't do enough re: natural foods (mostly) because I don't have the energy (or is it motivation?) and feel guilty about that. That's one thing that I'm having trouble with since my dh has come home. He's on this Paleo Diet so he tries not to eat any processed foods or starches while I'm eating cheese and crackers and putting flavored creamer in my coffee and so forth. He says he's not judging me for that but I feel like he is. Doesn't make sense. My issue in my own head.









Proximity is a big thing when making friends. I've made better friends with my next door neighbor who is nothing like me since her son and mine are best friends. Since she's right next door it's very easy to ask her to watch the boys for a minute so I can run to the store or an hour so I can go to the doctor. It's also easy to pop over at the drop of a hat to chat. I don't have to worry about whether everyone is fed and dressed before I leave.







Other friends I've made are too far away to make it worthwhile to share childcare or anything very often. My one really close military friend lived right behind me in Hawaii so it was the same thing. I'm sure if we had lived even on opposite sides of the base neighborhood we wouldn't have become such good friends. She lives in FL now and I'm in NC but we still keep in touch.

Katsmamajama ~ Perfectly appropriate for teenage girls.







I have a 19yods and a few teenage girls living very close to us. That's their normal way of dressing and acting. I find it quite interesting since back when I was in high school anyone who wore short shorts and lots of makeup was automatically a slut. (I don't think anyone should be called or thought of as a slut but that's another issue.)

Shannon ~ I joined that group but the playdates are too early for me. A lot of times we don't even get out of bed until 10 am.


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## MarineWife

BTW, Shannon, I never thought you were shy or stuck up, just reserved like me.









Mae ~ If you'd like, I'll go yarn shopping with you. I'll take any excuse to go to a yarn store. No pressure, though. You can decline and I won't be upset.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
A lot of times we don't even get out of bed until 10 am.









Good that I am not alone there! LOL

Maybe not to go shopping (walking any distance right now kills my back and pelvis, I have SPD something terrible this pregnancy. DH even makes me ride in a wheelchair at Walmart more often than not) but maybe we could get together for our own playdate? I have a 7 year old boy that would kill to make a friend his own age right now. Our neighborhood has a little girl my daughters age that is like her little twin, but no little boys to be seen for DS =( its hard for him because we just moved from a neighborhood where 9 out of the 13 houses on the block were classmates of his!


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## MaerynPearl

gah... DH can be such a butthead sometimes and really needs to learn to say things like *this wont apply to me but...* before saying things like... So they asked how many of us want to deploy because we have about 50 to 60 IAs headed our way.

He said they had about 200 hands go up for volunteers to deploy so very very likely it will not become an issue of him being voluntold again.


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## MarineWife

Mae. Sometimes they just don't think.

We're going on vacation for a week starting tomorrow but we can try to arrange to get together when we get back. FWIW, the yarn store is tiny so you wouldn't need to do much walking in there. It is up a ramp in a little shopping center, which might be too much walking.


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## MaerynPearl

In case you ladies would like to know... MommaKitten21 is still in labor as of last update, baby is posterior... but her hubby is there with her!!!


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
I'm double worried about this in DC since base life as most of us know it is not really there, very few folks live on base, his work is actually not on the same base as the living and comisarry and stuff ( he's going to Walter Reed and then probably Bethesda when they merge) so I guess I just worry that we won't have much reason to be around a unit or a group. (hospital units seem notorious for having nearly no FRG or unit functions, hope this one is different)

I can't remember--have you decided where you'll be living yet? Your BAH is going to kick A$$! If it helps, we'll most likely end up in DC next tour. We'll be moving in May or June '11, and with the program Huz is doing, chances are we'll be in DC. [MBA w/an accounting speciality] uke

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
I know that feeling. As long as I can remember Ive been not enough *whatever* for *insert type of group here*

Yeah, me too. At the risk of devolving into one of those "reasons I'm not crunchy enough" posts and running afoul of our Super Moderator...







I'm never quite enough XYZ to fit in either.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
gah... DH can be such a butthead sometimes and really needs to learn to say things like *this wont apply to me but...* before saying things like... So they asked how many of us want to deploy because we have about 50 to 60 IAs headed our way.

He said they had about 200 hands go up for volunteers to deploy so very very likely it will not become an issue of him being voluntold again.

I think they say that stuff on purpose sometimes, just to see the reaction. Huz says to me--"there's a job in Bahrain doing ____ that just opened up. can i go? There's an unaccompanied tour in ____ that would be perfect. should I volunteer?" GO ALREADY!







I don't know if he's serious or not. The Coast Guard mostly deploys its reserve rather than AD units, so it's been 6+ years since he's deployed. He's craving it. Ugh.

*MK*, sending peaceful labor vibes your way. So glad your Huz is there!!

Quote:

Plus with dh position some felt odd. Most people his age/rank have older kids and most my age dh are in a position they feel weird hanging out with him outside work(rank issues).
Don't you hate that bs?

*swell mel*, have you decided for sure on a branch? Huz is in the Coast Guard, and there are some perks to it. Some minuses, too. He enlisted as a Reserve Boatswain Mate, which means he drove boats, basically. Lots of fun in his '20s. Went to OCS...one good thing about the CG is that they are small, so at some level you'll do a little of everything--paperwork, logistics, you name it. Last tour he did alien/migrant interdiction; now he's in grad school for financial mangement. Next he'll have a financial-type job, then hopefully back to a "real" military job. Lots of variety.

*MW*, hope you enjoy your vacation.

Have a good weekend everybody!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
Plus with dh position some felt odd. Most people his age/rank have older kids and most my age dh are in a position they feel weird hanging out with him outside work(rank issues).

I suppose it matters somewhat if theres a huge rank difference, but I havent seen that myself personally... our neighbors that befriended us are an officer (not sure what rank) while DH is just an NCO working on SNCO... and we have a lot of good friends who are several ranks down from even DH... outside of work we try to ignore the rank thing...

of course, it may be different if these were men that DH actively worked with every day... I suppose having different jobs helps. Im not even sure what the neighbor guys MOS is... and most of our lower-ranked friends are other MOSs (oddly several are all linguistics... but have never met each other... does that say something about us? lol)


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 

Yeah, me too. At the risk of devolving into one of those "reasons I'm not crunchy enough" posts and running afoul of our Super Moderator...







I'm never quite enough XYZ to fit in either.


I'll assume that's directed at me (super moderator is a default, btw) I'm a participant here, I don't moderate FYT







There certainly isn't one size fits all here, as long as everybody abides by the UA we can all have a good time


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I'll assume that's directed at me (super moderator is a default, btw) I'm a participant here, I don't moderate FYT







There certainly isn't one size fits all here, as long as everybody abides by the UA we can all have a good time









Just kidding--that was meant in a kind way.

Speaking of moderator duties, are you doing the Holiday Helper this year? I cleaned Aubs' closet out and am debating taking everything to Goodwill or holding it for HH time....


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## ~Katie~

I don't want any of us to get in trouble so let's avoid talking about moderator actions, please. You may also want to remove that from your posts.

HH will be going on once again this year







So if you have things you'd like to donate then by all means save them


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## MarineWife

So glad MK's dh is with her.


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## MaerynPearl

Shes one DDC ahead of me so its freaking me out a little LOL (i have only 4 weeks until my midwife is content with doing a homebirth?!?!? OH MY)

but I am keeping an eye out for any updates from her birth buddy to let yall know.

As for getting together, MarineWife, a week vacation sounds grand lol... we can plan something when its over, I do not mind waiting. I have some issues with going out into public in the first place so it gives me time to work up some courage


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Shes one DDC ahead of me so its freaking me out a little LOL (i have only 4 weeks until my midwife is content with doing a homebirth?!?!? OH MY)

Really? How far along will you be then? My MW wanted me at least 36w, which is when I stopped seeing the OB.

BTW, I mean that in an excited way, like


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## MaerynPearl

35 1/2 weeks... we 100% know my dates (and several ultrasounds have only confirmed it is all fine)

we of course dont WANT to do it that early, but she is comfortable, if I went into labor at 35w5d, to have me push the baby out in my own house.

Ill be 32 weeks here soon. Crazy how fast this pregnancy is flying. the other two were so slow!


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## 2ID_Wife

That was it with our last post, super small basically one unit on the whole post so the rank had an issue since they all worked together. If they didn't work together then it doesn't matter, a friend of mine's dh here ha s big rank difference with dh but they don't work together any more so it doesn't matter at all. The big issue was looks since alot of them did work for dh.

MK hope that your labor is over quickly now that dh is home.


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
I am not as AP as some but to AP for others so I kinda fit no one where often.

yeah i have that same issue so often, im a strange mix of many things, my politics, lifestyle, past experiences and ideas about family and home are usually pretty left, but can range all over and i do get sick of being judged. i make no apologies in the ways i differ. but it does make it hard.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
I can't remember--have you decided where you'll be living yet? Your BAH is going to kick A$$! If it helps, we'll most likely end up in DC next tour. We'll be moving in May or June '11, and with the program Huz is doing, chances are we'll be in DC. [MBA w/an accounting speciality] uke

we have not found a place to live yet, and no the BAH is sucky in comparison to the housing reality. here at Ft Lewis the BAH is within 500 or less of what we usually end up spending on rent. in dc it seems we may need to pay 1000 over BAH to get even slightly similar housing.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I don't want any of us to get in trouble so let's avoid talking about moderator actions, please. You may also want to remove that from your posts.

thanks for watching over us, even if you are not a mod for this section!


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## MarineWife

•Adorkable• said:


> we have not found a place to live yet, and no the BAH is sucky in comparison to the housing reality. here at Ft Lewis the BAH is within 500 or less of what we usually end up spending on rent. in dc it seems we may need to pay 1000 over BAH to get even slightly similar housing./QUOTE]
> 
> The cost of living there is very high, comparable to Hawaii. The further out into the suburbs you move the less expensive it is but then you have to deal with a very long commute. The metrorail system is pretty good and government employees get an allowance for using it. There's a train, the VRE, that goes as far south as Quantico, VA that hooks up with the Metro in Alexandria, I believe.


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## MaerynPearl

Woke up this morning to bad news and DH on duty.

Why is the first really bad news I get since moving in with DH something that would show up on the first day hes not here for me to snuggle while I cry?


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Woke up this morning to bad news and DH on duty.

Why is the first really bad news I get since moving in with DH something that would show up on the first day hes not here for me to snuggle while I cry?

Just want to offer you some hugs!!! I hope things work out as best as they can for the bad news... and know that this group is here for you!

Just an update on me- labor has stalled. Once we got baby turned from posterior, it just stopped. So now I'm on all sorts of hormones and all, praying this baby comes while DH is here. Getting frustrated, and trying my hardest to not focus on when he is leaving again. Talk about pressure! We are all just shocked how it just stopped after she turned. It was seriously like a light switch







I'm not dilating anymore or anything...and contractions are nothing. I'm just sore and feeling a lot of back pain!


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Just want to offer you some hugs!!! I hope things work out as best as they can for the bad news... and know that this group is here for you!

A classmate of mine died... I graduated in a class of just over 40 kids so we were all quite close to each other. I'm trying to process it still. Very hard without DH here... I think I really just need to hold him.

Ill be sending you good thoughts and watching for an update from SteelerMom... you can have my contractions too... they aren't doing anything for me but being a pain in the rear, I'm happy to give them up to someone they could help!


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## MommaKitten21

So sorry to hear about your classmate







Cherish those memories... and I can only imagine how close everyone was with that small of a graduating class! Definitely thinking of you!!

And yes, please send those contractions my way!! I need them!! The midwife manually dilated my cervix last night, which didn't hurt me at all (weird, huh?!?) So if nothing picks up naturally, Monday she will do it again... I just wish right now I could go to a hospital and get some pitocin (obviously frustration talking there I know lol) but seriously.... it took so much effort to get DH here... and now labor just stops!??! I don't think so! lol.


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## MaerynPearl

now DH expects me to sleep without him









promised me lots of snuggles in the morning and even called me so I could hear his voice but I'm still so upset over all of this.

I don't know much detail about the death yet and I really don't know if I want to share it here because of course its something none of us probably want to think about ever, but that should give you enough info on why this is hurting me so bad.


----------



## MommaKitten21

Serious hugs for you!!!!!!!!!









Just know this group is here... and sometimes, the best thing is to get it out when you are ready; especially if it helps you cope better!! So sorry to hear you were alone last night.... hopefully DH is home now and you can cash in on those snuggles!


----------



## ~Katie~

I'm so sorry, MP









Sending you lots of contraction vibes, MK! A lot of times, when babies are posterior or not in optimal positioning the body will contract in an effort to get them to turn but not so much for labor itself. Use your DH to your advantage while he is there! I hope labor sets in quickly for you


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## MaerynPearl

I got to hold DH and cry for a while this morning... that helped. Crying without someone to hold onto yesterday only made me feel worse.


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## MaerynPearl

so excited for DH! He gets to go do some training for the new vehicles they are going to be getting (the new AAVs)

It sort of sucks that its 2 weeks at the beginning of August... but he gets done right around 35 1/2 weeks, right when I get cleared for homebirth instead of hospital birth... and I don't think I will go that early!

I mean, this is baby #3... but if I stick to how my moms births progressed (as I have already) the next one will take around 4 hours from when I notice Im in labor until she is in my arms and will be right around 38 weeks along.

Cant count on that, of course... but man would that be perfect!

Hoping MK has her little one in her arms by now!

ETA - saw the first news report on the classmates passing, they still have no info I don't already know... Department of Defense hasn't released that info yet. It was still hard to see.


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## MommaKitten21

Wow, MaerynPearl... definitely sounds like it was a traumatic death...








s I hope all the answers get figured out soon for closure for the family and friends.

Still no baby on this end right now.... all though, I'm 4 cm. So perhaps tonight is the night! Debating on having the midwife break my water (it really progressed labor last time) and since the contractions just are weak, perhaps that would help bring on stronger ones and encourage baby to come. She is in a perfect position, and lodged just fine in there! She just, well, appears to be stubborn!!!


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## MaerynPearl

Goodness MK









I have a stubborn little one too, I hope when it comes time for her to come out she isn't so stubborn!

DoD finally released his name but still no info on his death, just info about him that I already knew. My best friend called me tonight after she saw it in the news... I started crying again... I never thought it would be this hard, Ive lost a few friends already but this is different, I knew him for 15 years, he had the same occupation as my husband does (same duty station as DH even) and I had had a huge crush on him about 14 years ago... (that's funny to admit now... but its true... I wonder if that's why it hurts so hard to handle?) I mean... I haven't talked to him in years though I did see him around town several times when he was home on leave. Its unreal that its this hard for me to handle.


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## MommaKitten21

Well guess what ladies? My water broke just before midnight last night!!

Unfortunately, still no contractions or anything!!!!!

Tomorrow we will go to the hospital if nothing happens... send some serious vibes!! And any advice to bring on contractions!!


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## EdnaMarie

Oh, MK! I will be thinking of you!


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## lalemma

My husband is TDY (again.) for a few weeks right now, and we just moved. (Well - I just moved. He was TDY.)

It is so hard to be on single-parent duty 24/7! I have a renewed amazed respect for people who are able to do it long-term: I've gone longer stretches alone with the baby, BUT only at times when we were near family. Which is a huge difference. All alone with a baby who will not be put down and a house full of boxes is.. rough!

His contract is up later this year, and for the first time we're thinking of getting out entirely. The military has been really good to my family (thank you, Tricare) and there are things to really like about it. But it looks like another deployment would absolutely be in his future, and I just don't know if we could handle it, to be honest.

PS - I am also an odd duck in terms of too-crunchy for some, not-crunchy enough for others. What can you do? It's mostly awkward when people see my no-stroller owning, EBFing/cosleeping/CDing/etc family and assume that we also are into certain other things that we're not into, if you know what I mean...


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LeslieB* 
MYCAA Update
Just thought I'd share this email I got:

Thank you for that info! Ironically enough a friend of mine was just complaining to me about that and I was able to forward it onto her. It doesn't help her a ton right now but will in October when it goes into effect.


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## EdnaMarie

THank you, wow, I should look into it!


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## MommaKitten21

Thanks for the My CAA info... I went to apply to discover it was down... that's great news!!

Also, just wanted to post contractions started around 6:15!!! They are about 3-5 minutes apart right now... so let's just hope this is it!







Come on little Evie!!


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## ~Katie~

Sending you contractions vibes! I hope this is it for you!


----------



## swell_mel

Thanks you so much for answering about the job positions. i have a couple more questions and the army discussion boards are down for a few days. blerg. dh kind of surprised me today when he told me he is scheduled to do the meps thing next tuesday to sign up. he said he wouldn't be leaving immediately but they would tell him when he would be going to basic depending on the job he picks. even though we have been discussing this seriously it still caught me off guard... probably because it just seems more real. i am worried though that from what we have read he will need 3 medical waivers- not for anything serious but i'm nervous he won't be able to get one in particular. he was on meds for anxiety and depression for a while and has been off of them for several months now but what we read said that he would need to be off of them for 12 months before being able to get a medical waiver. he said he has brought this up as well as the need for the other 2 waivers and they have made it sound like no big deal to him but i don't want him to go through the meps process only to be denied. i feel like the recruiters are being pushy and don't know 100% what they are talking about. i've read plenty on the army discussion board about people being told to lie or withold medical info to get in which can only end badly. anyone have reliable knowledge about the anxiety/depression meds thing? it's frustrating not knowing 100% if he will get in or not next week. i hate to get commited in my head and then get shot down you know.
eta: i knew i was forgetting something! should he get in how would pay work during basic and ait? i'm a sahm. we would stay where we are at until he gets stationed. so rent, paying bills, food... will dh be paid during basic and ait? would it be the base pay or include housing and food?


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## 2ID_Wife

The waivers the recruiter can't say if they will go through or not and while it can seem that you need to be off meds so long for the waiver to get approved, sometimes they will go through with less time off the meds. There is no real telling with some things. It could be that the recruiter has seen it get approved for someone get one off meds for less then 12 months so they think it should go again. Till he goes through MEPS he won't know either way I want to say.

He will get paied for what ever rank he goes in at with BAH for your zip code(both are online bah-http://www.defensetravel.dod.mil/perdiem/bah.html). But the 1st pay peird he is in(1st or 15th) he might not get it depending on when he in-processes but he will get back pay.
Depending on how long his AIT is you will stay where you are till he is done and gets orders to his 1st duty station or go with him. If the AIT is over 26 weeks(might be 24 not suer now they have changed the time limit before) then they will move you and the kids to his AIT.


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## 2ID_Wife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Also, just wanted to post contractions started around 6:15!!! They are about 3-5 minutes apart right now... so let's just hope this is it!







Come on little Evie!!

From her edd month-

Quote:


Evelyn Rose Shelton ("Evie") - 2:32am, 7/21/10, 7 lb 12 oz. Rough labor with a cervical lip, birth story and pictures to come soon.


----------



## ~Katie~

Hurray!!! Congrats MK and enjoy your babymoon!


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## gagin37

Congrats MommaKitten!!!


----------



## MovingMomma

Congrats MK!!!


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## MaerynPearl

Woo hoo! Awesome news!


----------



## Pirogi

Hi everyone, I have never posted to this thread before, but I need some help. I am AD and 13 weeks pregnant. So far I have been seen by a CNM who works with an obstetric practice and attends in the hospital. She is planning to leave to start her own birth center practice in a couple of months, but she will also attend home birth if the woman wants that. I would like to stay with her if I can. Right now she is not listed as a participating provider with Tricare, only the three OBs in the office are (their practice is listed on the tricare website as well). I spoke with the TC service center here on base, and the lady told me that it would be no problem to get a referral, if the CNM was listed as a provider with Tricare. Does anyone know how this is done? I don't think the CNM knows, since she hasn't had to deal with this before. The visits to see her have been covered because the practice is covered.

TIA!


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## 2ID_Wife

If you are AD you have to go through the office for AD not tricare since you really are slightly different then tricare. Most post/bases have an office right next to or with tricare but make sure they know you are AD when talking to them since it is different for AD and dependents.
You might have to get your referral redone if she changes practices depending on how it was done, for my ortho when I changed practices even though both were approved I needed a new referral since the first ortho referral was for care with a certain doc group. But when I changed OB I didn't since that referral was written up for general off post ob care.
She will have to do the paperwork to be a tricare approved provider and get it approved before you can transfer to her. As long as she works with a practice that is listed she is, since the main issue is billing and the practice agrees to tricare billing so all their doc/nurses have to also.

On the main(not regional) tricare site there is a link to click for providers and if she goes through that link it will get into how to a be a tricare provider.


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## MommaKitten21

thanks for the congrats, ladies!!

we are doing great over here.... DH leaves tomorrow to head back so its squeeze in all the family time we can today.

I am a little nervous for being on my own again but we will figure it out.

oh and I have to comment that my son's b day is 7-14-2008 and this little one came on 7-21-2010....so logically the next one will be 7-28-2012, right?









MaerynPearl- how are you doing handling your loss? Still offering you some hugs through the computer!!!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
MaerynPearl- how are you doing handling your loss? Still offering you some hugs through the computer!!!

Thank you... I got it out yesterday and talked about it and it helped some.

Plus, getting ready for baby, drinking chamomile tea and a big thunderstorm today made me sleep REALLY deep last night. So I am indeed more relaxed today.


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## Pirogi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2ID_Wife* 
If you are AD you have to go through the office for AD not tricare since you really are slightly different then tricare. Most post/bases have an office right next to or with tricare but make sure they know you are AD when talking to them since it is different for AD and dependents.
You might have to get your referral redone if she changes practices depending on how it was done, for my ortho when I changed practices even though both were approved I needed a new referral since the first ortho referral was for care with a certain doc group. But when I changed OB I didn't since that referral was written up for general off post ob care.
She will have to do the paperwork to be a tricare approved provider and get it approved before you can transfer to her. As long as she works with a practice that is listed she is, since the main issue is billing and the practice agrees to tricare billing so all their doc/nurses have to also.

On the main(not regional) tricare site there is a link to click for providers and if she goes through that link it will get into how to a be a tricare provider.


Maybe it depends on the base, but I went to the same office that I went to the first time for my OB referral. Yeah, the lady told me she would have to re-register at her new practice, but AFAIK she isn't even registered herself now (just the practice is), so I don't know if that will make it more difficult when she goes into business on her own.

I suppose I will just have to call her and let her know she isn't registered, and if she wants to accept military patients, she will have to get on that.

Thanks!


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## 2ID_Wife

With a practice then everyone in it is covered it anyone is. So if she starts on her own she will have to go through the steps, it isn't much different then the steps she will have to go to take any insurance really.


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## MaerynPearl

Oh and

*MarineWife*

I know you are on vacation but hoping you see this when you get back lol

Olivia (my cnm) said she hopes to see you in 6 to 8 weeks lol... I told her your hubby just got home and she goes... "oh yeah, a lot did. I have a feeling April and May will be busy months for me!"


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## MaerynPearl

My classmate who was killed was just welcomed home to a huge hero's welcome.

I am so proud of my town right now for supporting him. Hundreds rode in from all over my home state on motorcycles to escort him home, as well as fire and police from all neighboring towns. My mom unfortunately had to go to work when he was scheduled to arrive home (she would have rather been in town to welcome him) and had a very hard time getting through the crowds in town to get out of town... then met them all coming up through the city south of our town as the police forced everyone to pull over while he came through.

I really wish I had been able to get home for this.

My midwife told me that, as tough as it is, I have to just try to relax.

But yeah, that is REALLY tough, when he was not only a classmate, but a Marine, just like my husband, based out of Camp LeJeune... just like my husband.


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## MommaKitten21

MaerynPearl- That's wonderful to hear about your town doing that for him! Sorry again for your loss.... I know how pregnancy can really make the low's lower.









DH left this morning.... so I have been a little weepy throughout the day, but otherwise ok. I just had severe pp depression after ds was born... so I am just very fearful the same will happen especially that I'm alone with a 2 day old and a 2 year old... but I'm doing ok so far for the circumstances.

Here's two pics of the new baby ... figured I would share!

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o...h/DSCN1105.jpg

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o...h/DSCN1096.jpg


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## gagin37

what an angel!! Thanks for sharing!


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## 2ID_Wife

MK sorry he is gone, but she is beautiful. Knowing the signs to look for with ppd is a big start, and if you think you have any talk to someone.


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## MovingMomma

MK: I love the just born pic! Awesome! All that vernix and her little "where the heck am I?" look!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
what an angel!! Thanks for sharing!

I agree! gosh, that was my first thought with the first pic... she looks like a tiny little angel!


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## Kyratomic

I haven't read over both of the pages, but I wanted to ask a question








How do you all handle telling your children why your partner isn't around when they're gone? My boyfriend isn't the father of my children (that would be my ex-husband), but he loves them like his own children and they love him like a dad. I only have the kids on weekends (another long story) but this is the second week that DJ, my boyfriend, has been gone because he's at a 2-week AT. My daughter doesn't really understand that he's not here, but my son keeps asking where he is and the response "Mister DJ is gone doing army-man stuff" just isn't satisfying him anymore







. I can't imagine how it's going to be when the boyfriend gets deployed overseas next year :-/


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## 2ID_Wife

Has he ever seen DJ in his uniform? Maybe get some of photos of him 'working' for them?


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kyratomic* 
I haven't read over both of the pages, but I wanted to ask a question








How do you all handle telling your children why your partner isn't around when they're gone? My boyfriend isn't the father of my children (that would be my ex-husband), but he loves them like his own children and they love him like a dad. I only have the kids on weekends (another long story) but this is the second week that DJ, my boyfriend, has been gone because he's at a 2-week AT. My daughter doesn't really understand that he's not here, but my son keeps asking where he is and the response "Mister DJ is gone doing army-man stuff" just isn't satisfying him anymore







. I can't imagine how it's going to be when the boyfriend gets deployed overseas next year :-/

My children were 2 and 4 when I started dating DH... and 3 and 6 when he deployed to Kuwait/Iraq... All I could do was explain to him, in words they could understand, the truth. He was rarely around before the deployment so it wasn't a huge difference for him not to be for so long.

Basically what I told them is... he is a Marine, and part of what Marines do is travel ALL over the world to do their job!

And then get a map and show them... this is our town, where we live. THIS is where he is right now!

Of course, they didn't understand scale and asked why we couldn't go visit him for the weekend, at which point I had to explain... here is (x amount of time) from here in a plane (or car) and that is a really long way to go!

It took explaining several times before they stopped asking though.


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## MovingMomma

Welcome Kyra! "He's at work." should suffice for shorter periods of time like this, but for deployments please don't say that he's at work b/c then the littles get confused after he's back and when he really _is_ at work they'll worry that he's deployed!







For deployments, I recommend a map, a photo book ("here's Mr. DJ in _wherever_, here's Mr. DJ working _wherever_, here's Mr. DJ playing _wherever_, here's Mommy and Kids at home doing XY & Z normal things, when Mr. DJ comes home he'll do XY & Z normal things with you, here's a picture of us all together"), and age appropriate explanations of what he's doing over there and when he'll return (he'll be home after X holiday or special occasion...this is also a great opportunity to introduce calendars).


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## Kyratomic

Thanks for the suggestions so far ladies. I'm going to write all of this down to keep "for future reference". Right now DJ isn't going to be gone for long periods of time because he's in the National Guard. But early next year he has a 2-week AT in El Salvador and then later next year is when he's supposed to have his 1-year of active duty overseas, and after that (when his contract is up...maybe a month after he gets back from the 1-year active) he'll be reenlisting as full active duty which is when things are going to get interesting...and much harder.

It's also going to be very hard if we have to move out of state since I have joint custody of the kids and their father wouldn't even begin to meet me halfway anywhere. But, I'm thinking too far ahead of the "now", I just get worried (>_<)


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## ~Katie~

She is so beautiful, MK







I know you said you don't have much for family support, but do you have anyone like a mother's helper or a post partum doula to come help you? Maybe someone your midwife can recommend? That might help ease up some of the stress on you right now.

As far as explaining where daddy is, my son was 20 months when DH left so explanations weren't really understood at that point. Eventually he was old enough to explain to that dad was in Afghanistan and we would look at it on a map and check the calendar for when he'd come home. Once DH was home he assumed on his own that work/uniform = Afghanistan so it took some explaining to help him understand that he'd be home at the end of the day and he wasn't going back to Afghanistan.


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## Soul-O

Congrats MK! Little Evie is a doll. I second Katie's suggestion about the doula/mom's helper for a bit. Perhaps there is an older teenager who could come by to play with your son so that you can rest with the baby?

MP - I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend







. It sounds like he's getting the hero's welcome he deserves.


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## MommytoNakoa

Hi!!

Haven't been over to MDC in awhile! But I see many of you are at Bragg. We should arrange a meetup soon









My dh just left for his first deployment, it's been only a couple of weeks, but feeling like forever now.


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## MarineWife

Hey, everyone. I'm back from vacation. We came back a day early because it was so boring. We were stuck in the middle of a nowhere tiny town with nothing to do without a boat. We did get to Charleston, SC for a day, which was fun. We went to Old Charles Towne Landing. The boys liked seeing the bear and bison and talking to the turkeys.

Mae ~







at your MW. There isn't much funny business going on around here with 2 LOs in our bed and my mom sleeping in the room we usually sneak off to. I'm sort of hoping, though. I'm sorry for your loss. That's a sad and scary thing to face when married to a ADM.

MK ~ Your DD is beautiful! Congratulations.







I have issues with depression so I make sure I see someone before I manifest symptoms. That helps keep it from getting too bad and I'm covered if things do get really bad because it's so hard to start counseling when I'm in that hole. So, my suggestion would be to start seeing someone now. It should be easy because of your history.

FYI, Military OneSource provides free deployment associated counseling for ADMs and family members/dependents. They are not connected to TriCare or any military base or organization so it is completely confidential and you don't have to worry about referrals or authorization.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
MaerynPearl- That's wonderful to hear about your town doing that for him! Sorry again for your loss.... I know how pregnancy can really make the low's lower.









DH left this morning.... so I have been a little weepy throughout the day, but otherwise ok. I just had severe pp depression after ds was born... so I am just very fearful the same will happen especially that I'm alone with a 2 day old and a 2 year old... but I'm doing ok so far for the circumstances.

Here's two pics of the new baby ... figured I would share!

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o...h/DSCN1105.jpg

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o...h/DSCN1096.jpg

MK, she is breathtaking. And I see a lot of newborns, being friends with three doulas and a midwife on facebook. She is truly beautiful. Hugs to both of you.


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## ~adorkable~

(x-posted in DC metro Finding Your Tribe)

Does anyone here have experience or links to birthing experiences and policies at Walter Reed or Bethesda Navel Medical Center? or if you have another MTF in the area that you do really like?

Sadly but not surprisingly their websites do not go into policy and many options.
I will be moving to the area at 20weeks and birthing twins in Jan. I am finding that no birth centers in the area take twins and even if i decide to go the homebirth route i would like to pick the best available hospital for the rest of my care and in the case of transfer.

A few of my main concerns are:

avoiding c-section (this might focus on acceptance of baby positions)
water birthing options
being able to move and birth in good positions

my husband will be posted at walter reed, so for obvious reasons, getting prenatal care and even birthing there may have convince and other advantages. Bethesda naval does seem to really tout how advance and open they are, but i worry they are mistaking nice drapes in a birthing suite with actually natural birthing policies.


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## MommaKitten21

MW- Thanks for the link.... that's extremely helpful!

I made a youtube video of the birth... so here's the link if anyone is interested. It makes having DH gone a little less hard since he was able to be at the birth. Surprisingly, these first 3 days since baby came have been fairly ok. Then again, DH only left again yesterday, so who knows... lol.


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## MarineWife

Adorkable ~ I have not been at either of those facilities but my experience has been that military docs are less pushy about interventions. I figure maybe it has something to do with not having to worry about malpractice insurance and being sued. Also, since they can't refuse treatment they don't really have much choice when it comes down to it. I didn't have any difficulty at Tripler AMC in Hawaii when I insisted on doing an induced VBAC and refused cervical checks and an internal monitor.

MK ~ I'm glad I could be of some help.


----------



## goodygumdrops

Hi ladies....

Adorkable...I can't tell you much about WR but I was born there 33 years ago







I love DC. I grew up there and left when I was about 24.

So, we got a house







I'm so excited...3 bedroom with two car garage. Yay! Fenced yard so we can get a doggy....

We're moving in 2 weeks. Any recommendations for being prepared. I am starting to do some cleaning and organizing around the house.

Hope everyone is doing well. Congrads to the new mommy's. I love baby pics.


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## MommaKitten21

I loved my time in DC too.... I hope we get stationed at Ft. Meyer or Ft. Belvior! The only thing I didn't like about that area was the traffic! I just always made DH drive







He doesn't get as intimidated as I do!

Congrats goodygumdrops on the upcoming move!! And yay for the house! Sounds lovely!!

Adorkable- I don't know much about those hospitals as our time in the DC area we just used the Ft. Belvior and the one in Woodbridge (forgot the name!) but I remember a mom who birthed at Walter Reed with twins and hers was a vaginal birth... not sure who she had specifically for care though.


----------



## MaerynPearl

MK - watched your video with DH ^_^

Its the first homebirth video hes gotten to watch (most of his preparation has been through reading)


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
MW- Thanks for the link.... that's extremely helpful!

I made a youtube video of the birth... so here's the link if anyone is interested. It makes having DH gone a little less hard since he was able to be at the birth. Surprisingly, these first 3 days since baby came have been fairly ok. Then again, DH only left again yesterday, so who knows... lol.






Your video is so beautiful, MK! I cried all the way through - darned pregnancy hormones







. It's clear that your DH loves you very much and was thrilled to be supporting you through this birth.


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## MarineWife

I finally got to watch the video. Beautiful and inspiring. Was that big, tough man crying?


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## MommaKitten21

Thanks for the kind words ladies!

And MW- why yes, King Kong cries ... shocking huh? lol. It's always funny for people to comment on his size, because I am just so used to it now. When we first started dating, I was so intimidated by him. haha... and that was back before he had all that ink on his arms


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## MarineWife

MK ~ I forgot to say







for having your homebirth. I know you were worried that it wouldn't happen but you did it!









Things have been interesting since my dh got home. I went through this really weird emotional thing when he first got here. I couldn't stand him. I was so angry at him that everything he did made me go off. It was really scaring me because I was afraid I couldn't stay with him. That feelings has passed and things are good between us, back to normal. I don't know where all of that came from in me. My dh didn't do anything to deserve it. Maybe I had a lot of anger and resentment over him being gone that I didn't realize until I saw him.







Anyway, I wanted to share that in case anyone else ever has or ever does go through anything like that.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Things have been interesting since my dh got home. I went through this really weird emotional thing when he first got here. I couldn't stand him. I was so angry at him that everything he did made me go off. It was really scaring me because I was afraid I couldn't stay with him. That feelings has passed and things are good between us, back to normal. I don't know where all of that came from in me. My dh didn't do anything to deserve it. Maybe I had a lot of anger and resentment over him being gone that I didn't realize until I saw him.







Anyway, I wanted to share that in case anyone else ever has or ever does go through anything like that.

I haven't gone through it myself... but I have heard it is VERY normal.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
MK ~ I forgot to say







for having your homebirth. I know you were worried that it wouldn't happen but you did it!









Things have been interesting since my dh got home. I went through this really weird emotional thing when he first got here. I couldn't stand him. I was so angry at him that everything he did made me go off. It was really scaring me because I was afraid I couldn't stay with him. That feelings has passed and things are good between us, back to normal. I don't know where all of that came from in me. My dh didn't do anything to deserve it. Maybe I had a lot of anger and resentment over him being gone that I didn't realize until I saw him.







Anyway, I wanted to share that in case anyone else ever has or ever does go through anything like that.

I can understand why the anger happens. I think there is some pent up emotion that comes from holding a household together through multiple deployments, non-resident schools, training etc., and once the DH is home and safe, it is natural to feel a release of this emotion. Anyhow, I'm sorry you went through it







, but thanks for the heads up.


----------



## MarineWife

Thanks for reassuring me that it's normal. I was really scared when I was going through it wondering if it meant the end of us. I really thought I couldn't stand him. It lasted from the time he got home until we got home from our vacation, almost 2 weeks, I guess. Then we got home and it lifted and everything felt normal again. Weird because nothing was different. We did talk about it and I was honest about how I felt at the time. I basically told him I was having issues but it didn't mean I was going to walk out.

It makes sense that it would be a release of all the anxiety and stress and loneliness and everything else that I'd been holding in check while he was gone. He said it seemed like I resented him for leaving. He thinks I get mad because I think he's off partying and having a good old time living like a bachelor. That's not quite right. I do get resentful sometimes at the fact that when he's gone he only needs to take care of himself. I understand that he works hard, long days but when he's off, he's off. He can crash wherever he is. If he doesn't feel like eating, he doesn't have to make food. He can run out to the store or lunch or wherever at a moment's notice. He can make his own mess and leave it until he feels like cleaning it. He says he understands what it's like for me but I don't see how he really can. He's never been alone with the kids for more than a couple of hours.

I'm lucky that he puts up with me and is willing to ride it out with me.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
It makes sense that it would be a release of all the anxiety and stress and loneliness and everything else that I'd been holding in check while he was gone. He said it seemed like I resented him for leaving. He thinks I get mad because I think he's off partying and having a good old time living like a bachelor. That's not quite right. I do get resentful sometimes at the fact that when he's gone he only needs to take care of himself. I understand that he works hard, long days but when he's off, he's off. He can crash wherever he is. If he doesn't feel like eating, he doesn't have to make food. He can run out to the store or lunch or wherever at a moment's notice. He can make his own mess and leave it until he feels like cleaning it. He says he understands what it's like for me but I don't see how he really can. He's never been alone with the kids for more than a couple of hours.

I'm lucky that he puts up with me and is willing to ride it out with me.

I think he's lucky to have such a wonderfully devoted wife and mom to his children







. That said, perhaps your DH should be alone with the kids for a day so that he can get the full experience of parenting solo. How about a spa day







?


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## 2ID_Wife

Lots of people have emotions they don't expect and there is no normal or typical reaction when they get home from extended time gone.
I do know for us we have to be home for a bit to settle in or things are weird when we are back together at first. We try not to go anywhere for close to a month, we have learned in the past. most of our marriage has been apart.


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## MarineWife

Most of our marriage since dh joined the Marines has been apart, too. This was our 2nd 12+ month separation. He was not deployed for about 1.5 years in between but he still wasn't home much with all the training he had to do. While I've been annoyed by little things when he's returned home before I've never had such an angry, hateful reaction. The vacation was probably a mistake. When it was originally planned he was supposed to be home for 2 weeks before we left. That changed when they decided the Marines had to stay a week longer for some extra training. Also, it was one of the rare time when he could take leave. Since coming back from OK was considered a PCS move, he just tacked some extra leave onto the time he got to move. We didn't get to go where I had originally wanted and there was absolutely nothing to do where we ended up.

A spa day would be nice but I've spent all my extra money on yarn. At least my dh understands my knitting addiction.


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## MommaKitten21

MW- I hope things settle down on the home front. I am sure it's an emotional release issue.

I know on my end, I keep having horrible nightmares at night. I think I hid behind DH's strength a lot (I mean hello, as big as he is I always just felt naturally safe) and now that he's gone I just feel unsafe. I can bet when he comes home, I will have a huge emotional release. It makes sense. I feel so high strung and wired since he has been gone. On high alert I guess would explain it.

Oh, and seriously... I owe that man so many thank you's for all the things he did that went unnoticed by me!!! Tomorrow is trash day, and taking out the trash tonight by myself sucked! haha. Carrying laundry up and down the basement stairs? Plunging toilets? Fending off the neighborhood raccoon? All the car repair crap? Yep... thanks hun for all the things you did that I never cared to notice until I find myself doing them









I seriously should keep a running list... I bet DH would think it's pretty funny when he gets home... and who knows, it might just help him get right back to those things


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Oh, and seriously... I owe that man so many thank you's for all the things he did that went unnoticed by me!!! Tomorrow is trash day, and taking out the trash tonight by myself sucked! haha. Carrying laundry up and down the basement stairs? Plunging toilets? Fending off the neighborhood raccoon? All the car repair crap? Yep... thanks hun for all the things you did that I never cared to notice until I find myself doing them

oh so true! I also really hate having to take the trash out. And giving ds a bath. Dh has been doing bath time for ages. And not to mention the flipping yard work!


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## MarineWife

I get scared and have horrible nightmares when my dh is gone, too. I used to actually have this night terror dream where a black cloudlike figure would hover over my bed and pin me down so that I couldn't move and couldn't scream. It felt like I was in one of those half awake, half asleep states so I was aware of everything around me but couldn't do anything about it. It was terrifying. I never had that dream when my dh was home. Once someone told me that it was my fear (of what I still don't know) I haven't had a dream like that again. It's been months. Anyway, I even feel safer when my 19yo ds is here. When they are both gone I get very scared at night even with an alarm system.

If you have a self-help auto care place on base, they might do simple maintenance and repairs on your car while your dh is gone. They at least do free oil changes here.


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## Carolina Kel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Oh, and seriously... I owe that man so many thank you's for all the things he did that went unnoticed by me!!! Tomorrow is trash day, and taking out the trash tonight by myself sucked! haha. Carrying laundry up and down the basement stairs? Plunging toilets? Fending off the neighborhood raccoon? All the car repair crap? Yep... thanks hun for all the things you did that I never cared to notice until I find myself doing them









While it is nice having RJ take out the trash and scoop kitty poo, the things I miss most about him being here is being able to say "Hun, Eirik is driving me batsh!t crazy today. I need to just get out a minute." Being with DS 24/7 gets to me at times, especially with teething.









I know I made the choice to live so far away from my family and friends, but the fact that even though my RJ's short deployment is almost done, I still don't have orders that would have allowed me respite care. Any time I need a break, I need to go to WI and visit my parents...









I honestly can't wait to be able to go have a nice dinner out with Trystan, relax, have some mama reset time...


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## MaerynPearl

With DH gone I have nightmares too... which really sucked that the past few years was only spent with him a week here, 2 weeks there (and an average of 6 months apart between those couple weeks together)

I like that I do not have them when we are together... but really not looking forward to next week when he leaves! Not only am I trying my hardest to hold this little girly in until I am 35 1/2 weeks at the least (having some serious stress issues and my usually extremely low blood pressure is sky high for me... at around 120/80) but he doesnt even get HOME until I am 35 1/2 weeks... yes thats only two weeks apart but still... agh! DO. NOT. WANT. I want my husband HERE to be my knight in desert cammies like I need!

I know I will feel very unsafe for those two weeks... when he was gone for only 24 hours of duty I had the doors locked and alarm system set the entire time! I get very paranoid... yes... but its just a large pregnant woman, two small kids and two cats here... not exactly like there's someone to protect us, so I let the alarm system do its job lol.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I get scared and have horrible nightmares when my dh is gone, too. I used to actually have this night terror dream where a black cloudlike figure would hover over my bed and pin me down so that I couldn't move and couldn't scream. It felt like I was in one of those half awake, half asleep states so I was aware of everything around me but couldn't do anything about it. It was terrifying.

I have that exact same type dream! even when my dh is home sometimes. It usually involves someone breaking into the house and I am stuck in bed unable to move or speak, or wake up; it's like I am being suffocated, desperate to wake up and escape, but I can't. It's really horrible! luckily it hasn't shown up in several months. Maybe I am having less anxiety right now.


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## MaerynPearl

You two probably have sleep paralysis... its a medical problem, not a dream (though the hallucinations that can come with it make it seem like a dream), and you should be checked out for other sleep disorders. I dealt with it when I had sleep apnea plus my RLS causing severe sleep deprivation. Always thought it was some sort of creepy nightmare, til I did my sleep study and they told me no, you are actually awake and hallucinating through it, your body cannot function nor can your voice... but it is a sign that there's something else going on.

The stress of your hubbies being away could certainly cause it but there are ways to avoid it!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
You two probably have sleep paralysis... its a medical problem, not a dream (though the hallucinations that can come with it make it seem like a dream), and you should be checked out for other sleep disorders. I dealt with it when I had sleep apnea plus my RLS causing severe sleep deprivation. Always thought it was some sort of creepy nightmare, til I did my sleep study and they told me no, *you are actually awake and hallucinating through it, your body cannot function nor can your voice... but it is a sign that there's something else going on*.

The stress of your hubbies being away could certainly cause it but there are ways to avoid it!

that is EXACTLY what it's like!!!

that's interesting, I want to look into it more now. I never thought of it being a sleep disorder. I have a lot of other recurring dreams, and I go through an insomnia cycle related to other issues. But those particular 'dreams' started when I moved here and dh deployed while I was pregnant, in a new town, all alone. I've had them off and on since then, with very little variation in the situation. For a while it got really bad, I was almost afraid of going to sleep because I was having them nearly every day.


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## MovingMomma

I don't have problems once I'm asleep, but gosh I have an awful time getting to sleep when DH gone. Which leads to me staying up later and later and is just a bad cycle all the way around.


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## MommaKitten21

I am so weepy today... I am hoping its not the start of post partum depression. I am perfectly fine until someone asks how DH is doing, or something reminds me of him. I am tired... but I am not as tired as I thought I would be for having a newborn and 2 yr old by myself.

I didn't have a single nightmare last night, so that was nice for a change.

I am just frustrated that he hasn't even started his training yet. So it's not like the days are counting down at all until he comes home. It's just us being apart. They are thinking he wont ship out for training until August 12th at the earliest.


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## MarineWife

Mae ~ That's interesting. I've mentioned it to doctors before but no one has suggested that. I do have other sleep problems. I have trouble more often than not falling asleep and staying asleep and I rarely wake feeling rested. I have a very low energy level and always feel sleepy tired. I have a doc appt. coming up soon so I think I will mention that specifically.

MK ~ I always have a delayed reaction to dh leaving. I feel fine until day 3. Then I break down.

Shannon ~ I do that at first, too. I don't want to go to bed by myself so I stay up later. Then I sleep late and just keep going around. It drives dh crazy when he comes home because he goes to bed so early and I just can't.


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## MommaKitten21

I heard on the radio about the crash early this morning... don't we have a mom on here stationed in Alaska?? My thoughts and prayers are with the families of these airmen.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38460660/ns/us_news/


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## ~Katie~




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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Mae ~ That's interesting. I've mentioned it to doctors before but no one has suggested that. I do have other sleep problems. I have trouble more often than not falling asleep and staying asleep and I rarely wake feeling rested. I have a very low energy level and always feel sleepy tired. I have a doc appt. coming up soon so I think I will mention that specifically.

My doctor never said anything about it either... but the sleep specialists knew exactly what it was. Regular doctors aren't really trained extensively in sleep conditions. I was surprised to find out things from my sleep study that I never once even suspected... the apnea we did suspect but I had NO CLUE I had RLS until I did the sleep study. Apparently I have it pretty bad too!

So sad about the crash in Alaska


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## MarineWife

on the Alaska crash.

I've had RLS since I was a child. I used to go crazy crawling out of my skin when I had to sit in school. Of course, the adults all told me I was silly at the time. Now it's considered a medical condition.







It gets really bad when I'm pregnant.

I think there's a sleep clinic here in Jacksonville. I wonder if TC covers that.


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## ~Katie~

I got RLS from taking anti-seizure meds as a kid, it was absolutely horrible. I also get it while pregnant. I think it's really common for people who have to be on certain types of medications, particularly older people so I think that's where the medication to treat it came about.

For as long as I can remember, it takes hours for me to fall asleep at night. I wake up a lot, and then feel exhausted all day. I just can't turn my brain off. I've always resorted to melatonin or calms forte in order to get a decent night's sleep.


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## Katsmamajama

Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of the airmen.









We have good news-- DH took his final test, and got the hghest grade in his class!!







Their graduation ceremony is this morning, and he'll be home this weekend!







Of course, since he's coming home, that means we start our road trip in a little over a week.....could he just stay there in VA, please???


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## MaerynPearl

yay for your DH!


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## ~Katie~

Hurray, Angie! That's wonderful news!


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## MarineWife

Congrats to your DH. A road trip in Hawaii? You can't be going too far.


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## ~adorkable~

Can anyone shead some light on my driving reenburments and what documentation I will be asked for?

We get a milage rate for gas (.165 a mile)
And our per diem forth both of us, so I know about that...

What I want to know is do they ask you to prove anything at the end or is it just a given seeing as it is a flat rate?

do they require gas receipts? Do they want hotel receipts? Can you just sleep in your car or a tent and such without affecting anything?

One of the reasons I'm asking is whith our timing and me pregnant and the move being nearly 3000 miles I am really thinking of shipping the car and flying us. I know I'm not "supposed to" but i think this is moronic, why should it matter to them?
So I'm wondering how much crap I would get into if I just did it and paid what ever difference there might be. I would hate to get to the other end and get slammed with having to give back or not receive the money because I could not prove I drove.
I wish I could just be honest and that they would just offer some cheeper for them am out to offset shipping or let me spend our allowances as we see fit.


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## 2ID_Wife

They figure out mile and gas based on a worksheet and official distance(no idea what makes it official). Days is based off so many miles a day.
I think they ask where and how much you spent for hotels on the way but not sure if the receipt is needed or not. I would have to ask DH, it has changed since I filed out a travel voucher myself.


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## ~adorkable~

Yeah I fully know how they figure and what in our move we are getting, I have all that from them. My big question left is simply that of receipts and proof?

Any imput from BTDT would be soooooo helpful!


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## 2ID_Wife

BTDT to many times to count, but every few years they like to change what you have to turn in it seems.

You need hotel receipts and any other cost over 75$ that is allowable cost.

I know some people that have shipped and flown I can see how they did the travel form.


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## ~adorkable~

I would love to hear about folk that have shipped and what they did.

Do you mean that you need to turn in reciepts if it's over a certain about no matter what, or what do you do if you decide to scrimp and stay in camping spots, do you loose the per diem?


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## 2ID_Wife

Per deim for food be the same no matter what since you don't need to turn in food receipts. We normally do the breakfast from the hotel that is included, get bread and stuff for sandwiches for lunch to save money.

All hotel/lodging receipts need to be turned in no matter where you stay.

Receipts for anything you are allowed like with some moves taxi or tolls that are over 75$ you need to turn in the receipt.

Also if you ship your car and fly what will you do to get around while waiting for the car to get there?


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## MarineWife

If you choose to fly, don't they just cover your airline tickets and food?

I was talking about this with dh the other day. I was wondering how we'd get all our vehicles from the east coast to the west coast if we go to CA. It wouldn't be much fun if we each have to drive separate cars. I think he said we'd have to pay to have the cars shipped ourselves if we chose to fly to CA. If you are supposed to choose driving or flying, it might be fraud if you tell them you are driving to get travel money and fly instead.


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## MovingMomma

I had a friend ship a vehicle cross country a couple of years ago and while I don't know the details of reimbursement and such, I do know it was a _huge_ screw up. I think it was the third carrier that finally got the vehicle delivered after over a month of delays.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Can anyone shead some light on my driving reenburments and what documentation I will be asked for?

We get a milage rate for gas (.165 a mile)
And our per diem forth both of us, so I know about that...

What I want to know is do they ask you to prove anything at the end or is it just a given seeing as it is a flat rate?

do they require gas receipts? Do they want hotel receipts? Can you just sleep in your car or a tent and such without affecting anything?

One of the reasons I'm asking is whith our timing and me pregnant and the move being nearly 3000 miles I am really thinking of shipping the car and flying us. I know I'm not "supposed to" but i think this is moronic, why should it matter to them?
So I'm wondering how much crap I would get into if I just did it and paid what ever difference there might be. I would hate to get to the other end and get slammed with having to give back or not receive the money because I could not prove I drove.
I wish I could just be honest and that they would just offer some cheeper for them am out to offset shipping or let me spend our allowances as we see fit.

Oooooh my advice is don't have the military ship your car. They reimburse for crap! Like, if your car gets a scratch, they will pay for paint *to cover the scratch*. I would only advise this if (a) the car is very old, the type where insurance payments for any damage will more than cover the damage itself, (b) you like renting cars and (c) you like filing claims and begging for reimbursements.

I know it's a long drive but ugh. We got our car back minus one door handle and they literally only wanted to pay us for the handle, NOT to have it installed.


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## Katsmamajama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Congrats to your DH. A road trip in Hawaii? You can't be going too far.









Nope, from Ohio to Ft. Hood, TX. According to Mapquest, it's 20 hours roughly of driving time alone. Lordy have mercy!!


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## 2ID_Wife

If you want to fly you can get tickets for the flight but then you have to cover all shipping cost.
How far along will you be and where are you going/to from?

We have moved cross country a few times with 2 cars it isn't the best but it works pretty well. AL to MN, MN to NY, AL to NE(that was the worse I think). AL to VA.. The army liked to keep sending us back to AL for some reason.


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## MarineWife

We drove from CA to the east coast when we moved from Hawaii to NC. The military shipped dh's Jeep to VA and we shipped our Subaru to LA so we could pick it up and drive. We took about 2 weeks and made an adventure out of it. We stopped at various touristy/sight seeing places along the way so it was fun. We stopped at Las Vegas, 4 Corners, Hoover Dam, The Grand Canyon, The Arch in St. Louis, MS, Hershey Park in PA. and I don't mind driving again. I thought it was fun. If we drive back, we could take a different route to see different places.

My dh said they won't pay to ship a vehicle within CONUS, though. They expect you to drive it. We have 3 vehicles not including 19yo ds's car. He probably won't move with us since he'll be at least 21 by then but it's hard for me to think of leaving him behind.


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## Soul-O

Hi Mamas:

Mostly a vent... I'm 24 weeks along and was recently diagnosed with partial placenta previa (after an ultrasound last Thursday). The MFM doc placed me on what he called "light duty" - no lifting anything over 15 lbs, stay off my feet as much as possible, no vigorous exercise, and pelvic rest until further notice. I will see my regular OB on Wednesday and hopefully will have some clarification on what this all means as far as activities are concerned. In the meanwhile, I feel pretty much stuck in the house without help as DH is still deployed, and the only good friend I have out here is on vacation until next Tuesday.

This is one of those times that I feel the limitations of the military lifestyle. I can't travel, so no going back to my parents' or other family/friends to have help with my kids or general household stuff. My neighbors are pretty much wrapped up in themselves and their lives (and also have deployed spouses), so no opportunity for help there. I'm tired and grouchy because the baby is up all night kicking me in the sides, and my youngest DS has decided that 5 am is a good wakeup time







. And of course, I'm worried that anything I do will harm the little guy







. Has anyone dealt with such a situation while their DH was away? If so, do you have any tips for making it work with two active children under 5 in the house?

Thanks for reading this rant. Have a good Saturday!


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## MaerynPearl

We did the same, driving from Pendleton to LeJeune after MOS... I flew out to watch him graduate and then rode across country with him. I got to see a LOT of places I have never seen and it was really amazing.

We are both very nerdy into things like science so we stopped at meteor crater in Arizona and it was so awesome!

The only reason I do not fear DH being sent to Pendleton is that that drive will be even more fun with the kids (luckily they are okay on long car trips... and maybe that time we can go to the Grand Canyon! Ive still never been there!)


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## MarineWife

Tabitha ~ I have not been through that so my suggestions are all theoretical. First, could you hire a mother's helper? A neighborhood teen who could take the LOs to the park or just outside to run off some energy?

Do you have anything like the Navy/Marine Corps Relief Society? I don't know if they could help but it can't hurt to ask. If nothing else, they might be able to give you some info on other places you can check.

My little rant on this sort of thing. If one gets doctor's orders for bedrest or light duty or anything else they want to call it, they really should provide a helper if the spouse is away for work. How can they not know how impossible that is when you have young children and no other adults around? Hm...maybe that's something I'll suggest the next time I'm asked what services would be most helpful when spouses are deployed.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Hi Mamas:

Mostly a vent... I'm 24 weeks along and was recently diagnosed with partial placenta previa (after an ultrasound last Thursday). The MFM doc placed me on what he called "light duty" - no lifting anything over 15 lbs, stay off my feet as much as possible, no vigorous exercise, and pelvic rest until further notice. I will see my regular OB on Wednesday and hopefully will have some clarification on what this all means as far as activities are concerned. In the meanwhile, I feel pretty much stuck in the house without help as DH is still deployed, and the only good friend I have out here is on vacation until next Tuesday.

This is one of those times that I feel the limitations of the military lifestyle. I can't travel, so no going back to my parents' or other family/friends to have help with my kids or general household stuff. My neighbors are pretty much wrapped up in themselves and their lives (and also have deployed spouses), so no opportunity for help there. I'm tired and grouchy because the baby is up all night kicking me in the sides, and my youngest DS has decided that 5 am is a good wakeup time







. And of course, I'm worried that anything I do will harm the little guy







. Has anyone dealt with such a situation while their DH was away? If so, do you have any tips for making it work with two active children under 5 in the house?

Thanks for reading this rant. Have a good Saturday!

Oh, Soul-o, I'm sorry.














I haven't dealt with it but I may soon. All I can say is I am thinking of you.


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## mmgrimm

Adorkable- I think I can answer alot of your questions.

We PCSd from Fort Belvoir to Fort Lewis a couple of years ago...we drove the entire way and ended up making money on the move. The first thing we did is a Partial DITY move...we weighed the car then filled it with what we were taking with us and had it weighed again...the military paid us per pound. We kept all reciepts (hotels, food, gas)...and were paid DLA, per diem per day, and our hotel was reimbursed plus the partial DITY move payment.

Also I gave birth to my youngest DS at Fort Belvoir (c-section at 34 weeks due to preterm labor and history of uterine rupture) then transferred to Bethesda less than 2 hours later. I made a list of things I wanted to happen before and after delivery and the drs followed all my "orders" at both Dewitt and Bethesda. And I had my DH there to make sure they did.

Feel free to PM


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## MaerynPearl

Soul-O I was diagnosed with partial previa this pregnancy (while my DH was gone, not deployed but we were not married/living together yet so I was in IL and he was in NC)... I have two active kids... then 4 years old and 7 years old to keep after too.

I was 21 weeks, just had my routine anatomy scan and found that my placenta was over the OS. I was not put on any restrictions as my doctor was told me there is no reason to unless there is bleeding. So many women have previa at their anatomy scan that clears up by 30 weeks that really, a diagnosis before 27 weeks should be taken with a grain of salt. Your uterus still has a lot of room to grow and almost every time the placenta moves up and away from the OS.

So... take it as easy as you can today and tomorrow (because at the very least you probably could use the chance to relax!) and call up your OBs office Monday and find out for sure what is okay and what is not. Basically those restrictions would not be enough to keep me from doing housework and caring for my kids... it would just be a reason to sit outside and watch them play rather than play with them. (granted by that point I had SPD and could no longer play with them without pain anyway!)


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## Soul-O

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. On the plus side, I found out at the same ultrasound that my baby's VSD (heart defect) resolved on it's own, and that bloodwork I'd done at the last appointment lowered our Down's risk to approx. 1/200 even with the nuchal fold issue as a soft marker.

MW: Thanks for the suggestions. I brought up my issue to my FRG (family readiness group) leader at today's meeting, and she told me she'd get a few people ready to help out with childcare and meals if I end up needing to be on complete/partial bedrest. I have a great babysitter who would probably be willing to come over for extra hours this week if I need it.

MP: Good advice, and thanks for reassuring me with your experience. I'm pretty much keeping up with my normal routine of housework, cooking, and playing with my boys (with the exception of excess lifting or carrying). I don't have any bleeding, so I don't think there is much need for me to be completely off of my feet. The two biggies, according to the MFM, are pelvic rest, and no long car/plane travel.


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## Sarah W

Adorkable, we did something similar when we PCSed. We drove DH's car and used it to do a partial DITY. I shipped my car and paid the difference so I wouldn't have to worry about it. You don't have to do anything to get the mileage. I got about $700 or so for mileage and my car cost about $900 to ship, so it was well worth it to not have to drive from FL to WA.

However, a great way to double dip is to do a partial DITY. You get mileage for PCS, then you can get your gas paid for when you get reimbursed for the DITY.


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## Delilahs.mom

Hi! Just wanted to introduce myself. I've been an Army wife for 2 years (currently at Ft. Lewis) and just had my first baby in June. DH has been deployed since January, but he did get to be here for the birth. This is our first deployment and I don't think either of us realized it would be this hard. Any tips on how to make it through without losing my mind?


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## MaerynPearl

Stay busy.
Dont let yourself sit and dwell on it.
Ignore the news.

If you do not have a hobby, get one. If you do, drown yourself in it.

Hobbies like knitting can REALLY help because you can get two birds with one stone, distract yourself AND make people presents!

I enrolled my son in cub scouts (one meeting a week and every now and then an outing too) which was a nice little distraction. I also visited family and friends as much as possible.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Adorkable, we did something similar when we PCSed. We drove DH's car and used it to do a partial DITY. I shipped my car and paid the difference so I wouldn't have to worry about it. You don't have to do anything to get the mileage. I got about $700 or so for mileage and my car cost about $900 to ship, so it was well worth it to not have to drive from FL to WA.

However, a great way to double dip is to do a partial DITY. You get mileage for PCS, then you can get your gas paid for when you get reimbursed for the DITY.

This is a great suggestion. We double-dipped with a carrier move and partial DITY when we moved here from Ft. Benning. It was a bit of a hassle with having our van and SUV weighed full and empty, but otherwise, it was pretty easy and certainly worth the trouble.


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## MaerynPearl

2 weeks without DH...

34 weeks pregnant tomorrow...

Supposed to be taking it easy to lower the risk of premature labor... with two kids, two cats and living in a city where I know next to no one?

Fun.

Ah well at least I have MDC to distract me. And I know DH is going to enjoy himself doing his TAD.


----------



## dirtyhipegirl

Question for all you AF mamas, what has been your favorite base? We are trying to stay somewhere for an extended period of time and are trying to figure out where to go next. Just curious?


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I got about $700 or so for mileage and my car cost about $900 to ship, so it was well worth it to not have to drive from FL to WA.
However, a great way to double dip is to do a partial DITY. You get mileage for PCS, then you can get your gas paid for when you get reimbursed for the DITY.

Boy you must have moved when they gave more for gas, I'm going to DC and getting only $460 and can you please tell me how you shipped a car for 700!!! I shipped his car back from GA a few years ago and it cost about 2000! Maybe I'm doing it totally wrong

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Delilahs.mom* 
Hi! Just wanted to introduce myself. I've been an Army wife for 2 years (currently at Ft. Lewis) and just had my first baby in June. DH has been deployed since January, but he did get to be here for the birth. This is our first deployment and I don't think either of us realized it would be this hard. Any tips on how to make it through without losing my mind?

Welcome!! We are at JBLM aka Ft Lewis but only for a few more weeks. I say find some groups to join and plan day trips to Seattle with the little one to enjoy the NW best weather season.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dirtyhipegirl* 
Question for all you AF mamas, what has been your favorite base? We are trying to stay somewhere for an extended period of time and are trying to figure out where to go next. Just curious?

Boy I would love our choice of AF bases, they seem to be in all the places I want to be. I think I would pick the SF bay area, can't remember what AF base is right there.

I have been at JBLM on the army side Ft Lewis for my whole army wife life and only exposed to a few bases before that while we were dating. So I don't know a lot. But in general I would give the most weight to looking at what part of the country you want to be in and what sort of big city or small town fits you and then see what is there. Some bases do have much more services than others, so if you have specific medical needs that may affect things. Another thing I always think about is how easy it is to travel from any particular base, I have family and friends all over and really find it worth it to live near a large airport that I can get cheeper flights and my favorite carriers.


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
I shipped his car back from GA a few years ago and it cost about 2000! Maybe I'm doing it totally wrong


ok.... I am going to ask this question... how in the world do you afford that on military pay!??!! lol.


----------



## ~adorkable~

It skewed us over big time and we lost our vacation that year over it.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dirtyhipegirl* 
Question for all you AF mamas, what has been your favorite base? We are trying to stay somewhere for an extended period of time and are trying to figure out where to go next. Just curious?

I've only ever been here at Pope, although I visited Keesler (before Katrina). Dh really liked Hickam though.


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## MarineWife

My dh says we paid $1500 to ship our car from HI to LA. Not sure how that compares to shipping across land.


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## Soul-O

When I looked into shipping one of our vehicles from GA to AZ in Nov. 2008, I received estimates ranging from $750 to $900. I think it depends on the route travelled, whether or not the carrier can take other cars to the same destination etc.


----------



## dirtyhipegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
I've only ever been here at Pope, although I visited Keesler (before Katrina). Dh really liked Hickam though.


Yes, Hickam is awesome, only in my dreams would we go there. Travis is near SF Bay, Cali is so expensive though and we want to buy a house and have a small farm so that would be out of the question. Oh, the choices


----------



## Carolina Kel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
I've only ever been here at Pope, although I visited Keesler (before Katrina). Dh really liked Hickam though.

Howdy to another Pope person!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dirtyhipegirl* 
Yes, Hickam is awesome, only in my dreams would we go there. Travis is near SF Bay, Cali is so expensive though and we want to buy a house and have a small farm so that would be out of the question. Oh, the choices









we were dating all through his tour at Hickam, and never once did I get out there to visit. I really regret it now, because it's looking more and more like dh will be getting out next year.


----------



## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carolina Kel* 
Howdy to another Pope person!









We have a local APish group here if you're every interested; there are playdates and discussion forums. it's been a good resource for me while I've been here. it's through fayettevillemommies.com


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## MarineWife

Hey, y'all. We've been quiet lately.

I have a story to tell or maybe it's more like a head's up. My dh went to Quantico to make sure all of his records were in order for the promotion boards coming up. While there he discovered that someone had attached someone else's marriage license to his record. The names weren't even the least bit similar. So, according to Marine Corps records, my dh was either a bigamist or was married to some guy named Thomas.







Some of you may remember that after getting home from Afghanistan in December he discovered that I had been removed as beneficiary of his SGLI and final pay and all that stuff and neither of us had gotten any notification about that. If something had happened to him over there, some complete strangers would have gotten all of his life insurance benefits and I would have had to sue to get them back.

I had assumed all of this was just a mix up until my neighbor told me about the ADM who went to jail for stealing around $5 million during the Gulf War. Apparently, some people switch records of deployed ADMs on purpose. So, if you're an ADM, check your military records periodically the same way you are supposed to check your credit score. If your spouse is the ADM, tell him/her to check the records.


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## EdnaMarie

Wow, wow. Thanks for that. We can check that on their AKO, right? Or is that just Army? I mean, could I be removed as a dependent and still have my dependent ID scanning on the post? I have to live on post and leave and re-enter daily at least (I mean, as a family we do, not that that's required by the army).


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
So, according to Marine Corps records, my dh was either a bigamist or was married to some guy named Thomas.

?!?! Don't ask, don't tell, indeed! Would it not be both?


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
?!?! Don't ask, don't tell, indeed! Would it not be both?









I guess it would depend on whether Thomas was another identity for my dh or the person he married.

I don't know what any of it is called. I've never had my ID scanned. I check my dependent status on DEERS, which reminds me that I need to change ds' address.


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## ~Katie~

Wow that's awful! Glad he was able to find and fix it!

Some interesting updates in our world. DH heard back from his unit in NY, it took 2 weeks for anyone to email him back. Probably because they're scrambling for answers. In order to get moved back to NY he has to apply for and receive an AGR position, a move cannot be funded for an ADOS position. No one has yet to answer him on whether he actually has a job to go back to there, or if he can even apply for an AGR position. They completely neglected to answer that question. I'm starting to freak out a bit because we can't come up with a backup plan until they give him an answer, that seems to be the story of our life.


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## MaerynPearl

Halfway through DHs 2 week TAD... hes loving it. I'm not. I'm glad I gave him the okay to go, but I wish it were at least close enough that he could come home over the weekend. I am so very very sore from doing everything I was told NOT to do (but if I don't do, our house will get DISGUSTING, like dishes and laundry)

This coming week, my little brother will graduate from basic training... really wish I could be there for that... most of my family is heading out to Oklahoma for it and he understands that 35 weeks pregnant with a risk of preterm labor is NOT the time for me to be flying! Plus, we are going home for his wedding in October and he can meet his newest niece then.


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## Soul-O

MW: Thank you so much for sharing about the records mishandling. I gave my DH the head's up, and he will be checking DEERS (as well as anywhere else he has vital info) and will advise his soldiers to do the same.

Katie: Yikes! I'm so sorry that the NYARNG doesn't have their act together and can't guarantee your DH a position. We went from ARNG to active duty, and it wasn't a big deal to get DH's guard unit to release him to AD, but that was in CA five years ago. I hope you and DH are able to get to the right decision maker so that this situation can be sorted out quickly.

MP: I'm sorry that you have to miss the BCT graduation. I'm still on travel restriction myself, so I feel your pain. Glad to hear that your DH will be home soon.

AFM: It's pretty quiet here. I'm doing my best to stay within my movement restrictions. The OB I saw earlier this week seemed to understand that, with a deployed spouse, I can't possibly stick to all of them, so he told me that the most important were no travel by air and/or more than 1 hour from the hospital, and pelvic rest. I have a repeat u/s on Sept. 9 to check for placental position.

In more positive news, I was finally able to get all of my ducks in a row with Child & Youth Services registrations, so three of my four DSs are enrolled in gymnastics now. My oldest will be enrolled in art and theater classes, but there is an issue with his having experienced seizures that resolved on their own 5 years ago, so he will need to be cleared by the public health nurse prior to registration.

Otherwise, we are just gearing up for redeployment, and readying ourselves for the beginning of the school year. We have a dress ball to attend in mid-Oct, so when I began looking for a dress, I came across a website that rents designer maternity formal wear for a fraction of the cost of purchase. Shipping both ways is free. Here's the site, for any of you preggos who have dress balls in your future:

www.rentmaternitywear.com

Have a great weekend, everyone!


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## MommaKitten21

Phew lots of new information to look over! Thanks for sharing that story MW! Thank goodness it was caught... geesh!

Katie- I hope things get figured out soon! How annoying! I hate being in limbo... definitely can be a stressful place to be! I hope it all gets worked out soon!

MP- Yay you are halfway there!! You can do this!









Things here are ok... haven't heard from DH all week so that kind of stinks. Random texts here and there, but haven't heard his voice







Hoping that changes this weekend!

Besides that, I'm just busy trying to make my final projects for school ... class ends Tuesday.... so feeling the stress! All the makeup work I have to turn in as well from the birth is just, ugh, overwhelming right now!


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## MovingMomma

Homecoming is drawing near!









A question for ya'll: What are your thoughts on what to wear to the big reunion? I've always (rather stubbornly) worn my everyday clothes...maybe my hottest jeans & t-shirt, but jeans & a t-shirt nonetheless. My thought process has been something like: "I'm not going to dress up b/c he'd better be happy to see my same old normal self."







But I bought a cute dress (in red) that I'm thinking about wearing this time... I'd dress it down with shoes similar to these, not black stilletos.







So what do you think? Trying too hard?


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## ~adorkable~

i thinking dressing up for homecoming is great, yes they will be happy to see you no matter what. but why not show them that the day is really special for you.

the other bonus of wearing something bright or red or such is if you are in a crowd and your dh is in that lousy formation they often have to stand thru before they get to come to you, they can often find you out of the corner of your eye if you stand out.

specially if you send them a little note, ("i'll be the lady in red awaiting your return!")


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## EdnaMarie

Wow, I don't think it's possible to try to hard for the reunion. I'll definitely be wearing a pretty dress! He deserves it!

Adorkable, great idea!!!


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## MarineWife

I say if you want to wear it, wear it! It's a good reason to wear a pretty dress.

Katie ~ Sounds frustrating. I hope you get some definitive answers soon.

About a week before my dh had to check in he found out he was taking over a different battery. I guess it doesn't change much because they work and deploy as a battalion. I'm not used to that. I'm used to each unit in the battalion rotating deployments and such. That's a good thing as far as deployment. The kind of scary thing, though, is that as soon as he picks up Major he'll be ripe pickins for an IA because they like to take new Majors. It will still be a while before that happens, though, so we should have a year with him home.


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## MovingMomma

Thanks, Ladies. I guess I'm just being paranoid about what to wear b/c I've seen way too many women at homecomings dressed more for the bedroom than for public. I know this dress isn't anywhere near that end of the spectrum, but I kind of hate to even move in that direction.


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## MarineWife

Shannon. I almost said it's a lot better than showing up in nothing but an overcoat.


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## MommaKitten21

haha! I have to say, I think DH would love the overcoat









I love the dress!! Go for it! I'm sure your DH will appreciate seeing you in something other then the "normal" jeans and t shirt









When I picked up DH from the airport for the birth, I was wearing a maternity shirt that said "My biggest craving is my soldier" DH loved it.


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## MaerynPearl

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._5564899_n.jpg

its not the best picture as its a black dress at night but yes, I dressed up with DH came home (and had a sign, and flags, and a pretty flower in my hair!)

I was so excited, MIL kept facebooking about how cute it was that I couldn't sit still lol. (Im blessed with an awesome MIL, we drove two days together in DHs new car from MI to NC to welcome him home and never once got sick of each other!)

I was the most dressed up lady there, yes, BUT there was only about 10 men coming home... and maybe half of them had females there waiting for them. Did not make me uncomfortable at all... and DH loved seeing me so dressy just for the occasion. Said it made him feel more special.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._5564899_n.jpg

its not the best picture as its a black dress at night but yes, I dressed up with DH came home (and had a sign, and flags, and a pretty flower in my hair!)

I was so excited, MIL kept facebooking about how cute it was that I couldn't sit still lol. (Im blessed with an awesome MIL, we drove two days together in DHs new car from MI to NC to welcome him home and never once got sick of each other!)

I was the most dressed up lady there, yes, BUT there was only about 10 men coming home... and maybe half of them had females there waiting for them. Did not make me uncomfortable at all... and DH loved seeing me so dressy just for the occasion. Said it made him feel more special.

You look SO SWEET and I'm glad he liked it! That is wonderful. Probably they don't talk about it but I bet he was proud that his special lady dressed up for him more than anyone else.


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## MarineWife

Mae ~ You look so cute!


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## MommaKitten21

Mae - i love it! The flower is adorable







You look lovely!!


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Boy you must have moved when they gave more for gas, I'm going to DC and getting only $460 and can you please tell me how you shipped a car for 700!!! I shipped his car back from GA a few years ago and it cost about 2000! Maybe I'm doing it totally wrong

Welcome!! We are at JBLM aka Ft Lewis but only for a few more weeks. I say find some groups to join and plan day trips to Seattle with the little one to enjoy the NW best weather season.

Boy I would love our choice of AF bases, they seem to be in all the places I want to be. I think I would pick the SF bay area, can't remember what AF base is right there.

I have been at JBLM on the army side Ft Lewis for my whole army wife life and only exposed to a few bases before that while we were dating. So I don't know a lot. But in general I would give the most weight to looking at what part of the country you want to be in and what sort of big city or small town fits you and then see what is there. Some bases do have much more services than others, so if you have specific medical needs that may affect things. Another thing I always think about is how easy it is to travel from any particular base, I have family and friends all over and really find it worth it to live near a large airport that I can get cheeper flights and my favorite carriers.

Gas was .24 a mile. It went down to .16 Jan 2010.


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## Sarah W

Moving, I think that dress is really cute! I think it is perfect and i like the shoes.

Some women look ridiculous, either scantily clad or they look like they are going to prom. I do think it is fine to dress up because it is a really special occasion, especially if it is your first deployment.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Moving, I think that dress is really cute! I think it is perfect and i like the shoes.

Some women look ridiculous, either scantily clad or they look like they are going to prom. I do think it is fine to dress up because it is a really special occasion, especially if it is your first deployment.











I missed this before but I think that dress is very pretty! I wore a black cotton wrap dress when DH came home and felt a little over-dressed amongst the skin tight jeans and (yes) sweatpants. But that's just my style and I wanted to look nice for my DH. I think you'll look great!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
I wore a black cotton wrap dress when DH came home and felt a little over-dressed amongst the skin tight jeans and (yes) sweatpants.









I'd be the one in sweatpants. Not really but pretty close. The first time my dh came home from deployment I was still wearing my maternity clothes. There was no way I was going to buy a new outfit that I'd only wear once. So I was in a pair of ugly old shorts and an awful fitting nursing top. It was the best I could do at the time.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
Moving, I think that dress is really cute! I think it is perfect and i like the shoes.

Some women look ridiculous, either scantily clad or they look like they are going to prom. I do think it is fine to dress up because it is a really special occasion, especially if it is your first deployment.

You never know, maybe their DH wants them to be scantily clad. I will never understand it, but there are definitely guys around here that look proud to be with a woman that is wearing what is essentially denim underwear. They seem to like it when everyone can see how hot she is. My husband would have a heart attack, not that I'd ever dream of doing that. But some guys like it! And it's his special day, after all.

Prom dresses are different. I don't know any guys who go for that. At least, not the princess ones







But to each his own!


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
You never know, maybe their DH wants them to be scantily clad. I will never understand it, but there are definitely guys around here that look proud to be with a woman that is wearing what is essentially denim underwear. They seem to like it when everyone can see how hot she is.

My dh used to love it when I dressed that way. I have to say that since I was bodybuilding I was pretty damn hot and I would for sure show it off. I worked hard to look that way. I don't think he would like it so much now at least not for a military function. For one thing, we are older and, second, he's changed his perspective a bit since being in the Marine Corps.

I finally just decided that even if I do ever get back down to a size 0/1 I won't wear that stuff anymore. A 50 year old woman in booty shorts isn't hot no matter how fit she is.







So, I packed all of that stuff up to give to the young lady next door.


----------



## ~adorkable~

My dh loves when i dress up and it is both of our natures to be a tad over dressed for nearly everything social.
I have pretty much two modes, jeans and a tshirt or a nice 40's tone dress like get up. He loves both, I was quite dressed up for homecoming, and he lovvvvveed it!


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
You never know, maybe their DH wants them to be scantily clad. I will never understand it, but there are definitely guys around here that look proud to be with a woman that is wearing what is essentially denim underwear. They seem to like it when everyone can see how hot she is. My husband would have a heart attack, not that I'd ever dream of doing that. But some guys like it! And it's his special day, after all.

My DH is much more proud of me when I just wear clean clothes LOL. I think he would be embarrassed if I wore that, even after I lose the weight I have gained. He likes me more in something form fitting (not skin tight... can see the curves but not EVERY curve, KWIM) with my hair in a pony tail or otherwise pulled back and a bit of makeup. The only only ONLY time he likes seeing me in something skimpy is if he knows he is the ONLY one seeing it.

He says he loves me without makeup but I can tell he thinks Im prettier with it on. Its okay though, I think the same. My SIL is a Mary Kay consultant and hooked me up with some makeup that does not look overdone but still makes me look/feel VERY pretty.


----------



## MommaKitten21

My DH is totally one of those husbands who prefer the sexy looks. Seriously, if I could walk out of the house everyday in the clothes from the 1950's, DH would be one happy man! I think it's the idea of being dolled up for HIM that he likes the most







He loves me being his arm candy ... but for him personally, there is such a thing as exposing too much in public... it just has to be tasteful...especially with kids in tow.

I should add that maybe that's why he married me as I'm 10 years younger than him







ha. So ya know, when he is old looking, I'll just be hitting my prime







Looks definitely mean a LOT to him. Not everything. But a lot. I know taking care of myself is definitely one way to show him my love for him.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
I should add that maybe that's why he married me as I'm 10 years younger than him







ha. So ya know, when he is old looking, I'll just be hitting my prime







Looks definitely mean a LOT to him. Not everything. But a lot. I know taking care of myself is definitely one way to show him my love for him.

On the plus side, thanks to the military... our men are going to be distinguished looking older men... not ugly slobs!

I can already see some wrinkles and gray hairs on DH (he is only 26 but... being shot at does sort of age you quickly I suppose...) and think it is just horribly sexy on him. I know he will be just as gorgeous when he is older.

Luckily I think he thinks the same about me. At least I hope so! LOL


----------



## MarineWife

I have a serious question for all of you who have, yourself, or have spouses who have deployed to combat zones. I've been really annoyed recently with my dh's hardheadedness. He just doesn't seem to get little things. Like the other day we were driving in the car and something was vibrating and making noise. It was bothering dh so he was trying to figure out what it was and stop it. He just kept checking the tightly plugged in cell phone chargers. I finally had to show him that it was the soda bottle in the cup holder. Seemed pretty obvious to me. I know that sounds kind of silly to get bothered by but that's just one example. He's been doing little stuff like that since he's been home. It's like he's kind of slow or can't problem solve the way he used to.

So, it just occurred to me that something may have happened to him over there that affected his cognitive thinking. If I ask he says he's fine and nothing happened but I know he was doing a lot of dangerous stuff. I mean, I'd think even being too close to an IED when it goes off could be enough to cause at least a temporary brain injury. He could have been exposed to some toxin or who knows.

What do you all think? Do you think that's something I should be concerned about and push it with dh? Have any of you heard of any injuries like that in someone who has not been injured in any other way?


----------



## EdnaMarie

MarineWife, there was an NPR program about this recently.







Yes, those are all signs and they can get progressively worse, but the Army at least has been horrid at letting people with injuries from undocumented explosions (like if they didn't push it at the time) get treatment.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...ryId=127402993

There are a bunch of links too. NPR did a whole series on stuff like this. I am sorry to say that because I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear and I have tears in my eyes writing this... but you may be right.


----------



## ~adorkable~

get it looked at, it could just be nerves and focus, it could be other things. the best thing is for him to go in and be completely honest at a assessment, they should be asking you to fill out an assessment as well, if they dont, get you butt in with him and tell them what you see, you and him may have very different views and both count.

my dh works in OT the department that treats this stuff regardless of its source and they want to see these guys, they really want to. so make sure you get it, no matter what roadblocks and red tape there is.


----------



## MaerynPearl

DHs PTSD was pretty similar after his combat experience... I did not know him back then but between what his mother and he has told me about what signalled that he had a problem... its pretty similar.

You don't HAVE to be in an actual combat situation or even see an IED go off to have the issues from having to constantly worry about IEDs and ambushes.

Its best to rule out any issues by getting help rather than letting them go and risk them getting worse and worse.


----------



## Soul-O

MW: There is a certain hypervigilance that often occurs when one has been exposed to a traumatic event, even if the individual in question wasn't harmed or didn't see anything in particular that would seem overly frightening. Has he also had trouble sleeping, or does he seem particularly jumpy? It sounds like, if nothing else, your DH would benefit from talking to someone at his medical facility. I wonder if he didn't have enough down time between redeployment and having to attend school in OK, which means he is still dealing with the PTSD symptoms even though it's been months since he redeployed. I'm sorry that he is having issues







.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
You never know, maybe their DH wants them to be scantily clad. I will never understand it, but there are definitely guys around here that look proud to be with a woman that is wearing what is essentially denim underwear. They seem to like it when everyone can see how hot she is. My husband would have a heart attack, not that I'd ever dream of doing that. But some guys like it! And it's his special day, after all.

Prom dresses are different. I don't know any guys who go for that. At least, not the princess ones







But to each his own!

I never quite understood the scantily clad thing, especially because a lot of the women I see around here who are dressed in such clothing could use an intervention from "What Not To Wear"







. My DH does like me to wear nice clothing whenever I can, but does understand that having four children to bring along does limit the fashion choices somewhat. As well, he is a very conservative guy, so he prefers that my nice clothes be fairly modest. I will be around 30 weeks pregnant when my DH comes home, so I'm planning to wear one of my few maternity dresses to the homecoming, along with a beautiful jade necklace he sent me while deployed. Here's the dress:

http://www.japaneseweekend.com/mater...nity-dress.htm


----------



## MovingMomma

MW: I don't have any personal experience w/my DH having post combat symptoms of any kind, but yeah, you do have to look out for symptoms of both brain injury and PTSD. And I know w/my DH it would be a lot easier to get him in for evaluation if I told him he was having symptoms of a brain injury than it would if I told him he was having PTSD symptoms. FWIW...

Tabitha: Cute dress! I love JW!


----------



## MarineWife

Thanks everyone. That is not what I wanted to hear but I need to know it. That's what my gut has been telling me. Something just isn't right. He has been deployed to a combat zone 3 times and every time he comes back a little different. Of course, that's to be expected. I mean, even if he weren't in a combat zone, I'd expect some changes after 6-12+ months. Who would dh see? Would he go to sick call or whatever that is? I seriously doubt that he would admit that anything is wrong and go to get checked out on his own. He definitely wouldn't admit to having PTSD. So, if he refuses to see anyone, what can I do?

He doesn't seem particularly jumpy. He might be having trouble sleeping. I know he was when he was home in December. He falls asleep very easily but he wakes up very early. Last night he was preparing to go to the field and he didn't come to bed at all. He said he didn't want to wake me with his alarm but he woke me moving around down stairs and coming in the bedroom to get some things.

It's mostly just that he seems confused a lot, like he doesn't understand even the simplest things I say. I wish I could remember some more examples. I was sort of joking and sort of serious because it was getting on my nerves but I asked him if he had smoked some of that stuff they found a big field of while he was over there (MJ) or maybe he got sprayed with something because it seems like he has lost a few brain cells. I feel bad for saying that now and I did apologize for it.


----------



## MovingMomma

Here are a couple of pages w/basic info on TBI and PTSD:
http://www.nashia.org/docs/quick_white.pdf
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/...njury-ptsd.asp

And this discusses how to get help:
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/where-to-get-help.asp
The whole site is about PTSD and it looks like there's tons of info.


----------



## Sarah W

Hypervigiliance isn't necessarily PTSD, although it really is an indicator. He may just not be paying attention. It is hard to go from somewhere that is so intense to just back here. Is he jumpy? Is it possible things are just distracting him and causing him to get frustrated?

Why don't you ask him if he had any type of head trauma? That's pretty much the biggest clue if is TBI.

How long has he been back?

Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about this?


----------



## ~adorkable~

My gut leans to TBI over PTSD, I spoke briefly to my dh who deals with this in his clinic and he leaned the same way as well, though he also said that it could be just normal readjustment as well.
In the army they take a written form right after they come home and again a little while later and they ask about a lot of stuff like this.


----------



## MarineWife

It's not hypervigilance or jumpiness. It's stupidness. I don't mean that in a mean way but it's the only word I can come up with to describe it. Like I said before, it's like he's slow and can't understand simple things as easily and can't problem solve, cognitive thinking abilities. Like the vibrating noise in the car thing. It wasn't that he was annoyed by the noise. He's always been like that. It was that the only thing he could think of to check were the cell phone chargers that were very snugly plugged in and just kept checking those over and over without looking for anything else. The soda bottle was a very obvious culprit as it was slightly smaller than the cup holder and there was change or something in the cup holder underneath the bottle. That's also usually been the thing he's checked in the past. It was like he could get his focus off the cell phone chargers.

I don't know who to describe it. It seems so trivial and if it were just that one thing, I probably wouldn't be worried but that's just one example. We've had conversations where I've told him this is such and such and he gives me a very confused look and asks how I know that when the thing is right in front of both of us and it's very obvious. Then he says, "Oh," in this sort of weird, detached way like he still doesn't get it.

I haven't asked him specifically about a brain injury because this occurred to me after he left for the week. We've talked generally about what he did over there and he said nothing happens. He has a tendency to cover up stuff, though, because he doesn't want to upset me. He thinks he's protecting me, I guess. I know if I ask him he'll tell me nothing happened and he's fine. He spent his time over there with the Brits patrolling Helmand Province so I'm sure he involved in some stuff. He's been CONUS since December but at the Captain's Course for 7+ months without any time to focus on anything other than the course.


----------



## Sarah W

I wonder if I had ever met him...the Marines were right next door to us until they moved out to Tripoli in Helmand. Was he already there or did he come with the big deployment of Marines when they made the big push last May/June-ish?


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I wonder if I had ever met him...the Marines were right next door to us until they moved out to Tripoli in Helmand. Was he already there or did he come with the big deployment of Marines when they made the big push last May/June-ish?

He left in May 2009. He was with 2nd ANGLICO out of Camp LeJeune. I don't know the battalion or regiment or whatever it's called, II MEF maybe. (Am I allowed to say that here?)


----------



## Soul-O

I think it's OK to give unit identification info after redeployment, MW







.

Also, what you are describing of your DH's behavior does sound more like TBI than PTSD. He'll be seeing a neurologist for treatment, which doesn't carry quite the stigma of seeing a mental health professional. Perhaps you can do a little leg work on how to start the evaluation pocess while he is gone, then pass the info on to him when he gets back.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Feel like I'm about to have a breakdown.

2 1/2 more days until DH gets home and we HAVE to make it that long.

I was getting some pretty bad contractions tonight. Havent had one in over 20 minutes so hoping they stopped. But was fearing having to take a trip to the emergency room... with no one to watch my kids!

Well, then I decided it was just that my prodromal labor is horrid... so I started to just put up with them.

And then I hear DD walk in the room, a thud, an ooph, and screaming. She ripped part of her mouth open falling on the floor and she didnt even fall on anything! (and theres no way she bit it at the location its at, your teeth dont go there!) so I start freaking out about THAT. Because mouth wounds just GUSH blood.

So I had her put an ice compress on it to stop the bleeding and keep it from hurting too much because I couldnt even see how bad it was... its not hardly anything at all! Just a tiny little rip but yeah, mouth injury...

but it did make me call poor DH who was already in bed and ask him HOW I am going to get on base to get her to the emergency room if she needed stitches when the car with stickers is already on base and I was left home without one. We were counting on a friend of ours if we needed to get on base in emergency but she took an unplanned trip up to visit her hubby this week so yeah...

Panic attack didn't help the contractions!

I hate the military sometimes. LOL.... I mean I love it in some ways but when he is 4 hours away and I am 35 weeks pregnant with a risk of early labor and two small kids... it makes me freak out a bit.

So yeah, gonna go lay in the tub and read my Ina May and pretend like tonight never happened.


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## MommaKitten21

oh man! What a rough day for you Mae!!







I hope your dd is feeling better and heals quickly! I will say from my experience... I knew my body and knew I wouldn't relax enough for full blow labor until DH was home. Sure enough thats what happened... contractions for days until he got home. I am sure you will make it!! Hang in there!!


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## ~adorkable~

Maeryn,
i dont know about your base, but i can with my ID go and get my car a temp pass from the visitors center as long as i bring its reg and insurance. they are usally good for 2 weeks, i would get one now so that in case you needed it, you would have it.


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## ~adorkable~

double post


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## MarineWife

Mae ~ You can always call me or bring your kids here if you need to. I'll even come pick you all up. I'm going to PM you my phone number and address.


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## Soul-O

Mae: I'm so sorry about your horrid night, and your poor DD. Your post had me thinking about another issue to bring up to the family readiness folks. It would be good to have an emergency help list with names/numbers of spouses who are able & willing to help out mamas in situations like yours if there is an emergency. Also, do you have a power of attorney from your DH? If so, I think you can go register the vehicle you have with you without his presence. You may want to call your base vehicle registration office. Lastly, is your family readiness support person (not sure what this is called in the Marines, but it's the head of your family support organization) aware of how close you are to the end of your pregnancy? If not, it would probably be a good idea to call or e-mail that person so that she is aware of things in case you need help.

HTH, and


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Also, do you have a power of attorney from your DH?

The vehicle I have with me is mine... and DH told me how to go about getting on base if I need to (Ive never had to do it before, always had his car when I needed on base... so I was clueless)

DH is only gone for 2 weeks and will be home the day after tomorrow. I think I really only freaked out because it was my daughter. If it were my son I knew it would be nothing bad... somehow he never gets injured severely. However, my daughter had been to the emergency room 3 times between when she became mobile and when she turned 4! A broken collar bone, a severely sprained wrist we thought was broken and a car accident (my ex-SIL hit black ice and rolled her truck with my kids in it! She was knocked unconscious, with the truck upside down in a ditch and my then 4-year old son unsnapped himself from his seat and let his sister out of her seat and knocked on the window of the truck to let people know they were in there and okay... freaking little hero. Wants to be a Marine when he grows up, I think he has the right stuff! LOL)

This (Warning- is an actual picture of my DDs mouth with injury) is what happened to DD. It looks worse than it is, that little flap of skin at the top of her lip ripped. I cant think of a single kid in my family that hasn't happened to at some point or other (makes me wonder if ours are abnormally attached?) and as long as it stops bleeding (it did fairly fast) usually doesn't require anything more than a few Popsicle to make the kid happy again lol

I'm a lot better today... did scare myself with a gush coming out of me getting up to go potty in the middle of the night... but all signs indicate I just peed myself a little LOL

Today and tomorrow better be totally uneventful. I have had way more stress in the past two days than my midwife wants me to! LOL


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
It's not hypervigilance or jumpiness. It's stupidness. I don't mean that in a mean way but it's the only word I can come up with to describe it. Like I said before, it's like he's slow and can't understand simple things as easily and can't problem solve, cognitive thinking abilities..


Did you read the NPR article? It talks a lot about that... the slowness, the inability of formerly very bright, quick thinkers to problem solve. If you didn't, consider it.

I am so sorry but it CAN be treated. Could you forward the article to him in a diplomatic way, like "did you hear about this over there"? He might not take the hint, though.


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## Jaxinator

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I am so sorry but it CAN be treated.

Do you mean TBI? How?


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## EdnaMarie

Jax, it is there and I don't want to repeat it in a garbled way as I'm not a doctor but basically, through occupational therapy. They sit with them and do brain exercises so that the brain cells can reattach. It's not 100% curable but I definitely remember them saying, the sooner you catch it, the better, because therapy is more effective.


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## Jaxinator

Interesting. Someone should inform the Air Force.


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaxinator* 
Interesting. Someone should inform the Air Force.

Part two of the NPR article addresses the difficulties military members can have in getting treatment for TBI.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Part two of the NPR article addresses the difficulties military members can have in getting treatment for TBI.

Yes, it is VERY hard because they do not keep records of what they consider to be "minor" incidents. But it is covered.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Did you read the NPR article? It talks a lot about that... the slowness, the inability of formerly very bright, quick thinkers to problem solve. If you didn't, consider it.

Yes, I did read the article. Thank you for posting that. I think I must've read or heard about that before because that's exactly what I was talking about with my dh. I did read how it's treatable, too.


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## MovingMomma

DH is HOME!!!









Here's a pic!

I did wear the dress! Thanks for all the feedback!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 























DH is HOME!!!









Here's a pic!

I did wear the dress! Thanks for all the feedback!









YAY AND AWWWW and that dress looks fab on you

AND

I just looooooooove seeing homecoming pics!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 























DH is HOME!!!









Here's a pic!

I did wear the dress! Thanks for all the feedback!









Yay!!! Enjoy your reunion!


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## ~Katie~

You look fabulous! Enjoy your homecoming!


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## Soul-O

You look wondeful, and so happy! Have a terrific homecoming, and thanks to you and your DH for your sacrifices







.


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## MommaKitten21

awww that pic is beautiful














you have a beautiful family!!


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## MaerynPearl

*MovingMomma* I bet he was so proud having such a fab looking mama waiting there _just for him_!

That dress is definitely not too sexy or fancy... just the right amount for seeing your man after so long apart.

That said, Imma go throw on some clean clothes, do my makeup and toss my hair up. Hubbys on the other side of the base now! All he has to do is drop off the rental car and head home! I am SO EXCITED I COULD PEE MYSELF. well no, that's just being so pregnant... lol...


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## justKate

Mae, what a time you've had! Hoping you have some peace before the LO arrives.









Soul-o, you too. Lots of







coming your way.

MM, horay for reunions! Yay!

MK, I know I'm late but congrats on your little girl. She is perfect.

Does anyone else's spouse invoke the "security clearance excuse" when you mention medical treatment or counseling? Years ago when Huz came back from his last middle east deployment he was having a lot of flashbacks and trouble sleeping, and I suggested he see someone about it. He refused because he said they would yank his security clearnace. After DD was born, I suggested we get marriage counseling, and again he told me that he would do it, but that he wouldn't be allowed to carry a gun (meaning not able to do his job) and could have his security clearance yanked. Is any of this true? I mean, I don't think he's _lying about it_, necessarily, I think he just doesn't know what he's talking about. Anyone have any experience with this?


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Does anyone else's spouse invoke the "security clearance excuse" when you mention medical treatment or counseling? Years ago when Huz came back from his last middle east deployment he was having a lot of flashbacks and trouble sleeping, and I suggested he see someone about it. He refused because he said they would yank his security clearnace. After DD was born, I suggested we get marriage counseling, and again he told me that he would do it, but that he wouldn't be allowed to carry a gun (meaning not able to do his job) and could have his security clearance yanked. Is any of this true? I mean, I don't think he's _lying about it_, necessarily, I think he just doesn't know what he's talking about. Anyone have any experience with this?

I have NEVER heard of this (which isn't to say its untrue) so I'm going to have to ask DH when he gets home.

It may be job specific, perhaps? But I know that he has had a few of his men do marriage counseling and they were still allowed to use a gun...


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## EdnaMarie

I can't see the pic but CONGRATULATIONS!!!!


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## MommaKitten21

Since DH changed his MOS, he has to go through AIT again ... at Ft. Gordon. I have the option to move down there (or should because his AIT is 7 months long) I am so torn as to whether or not moving there would be a good idea or not. Thoughts?


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## MommaKitten21

Oh, and Mae? You made it!!!!!!!!!!!!!














congrats!!!


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## EdnaMarie

Oh, Momma Kitten, that is hard. Where are you now? Is your son in pre-school? Are you with family now or alone?


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## MarineWife

Hey everyone

Shannon ~ The dress looked beautiful and that's such a heart warming picture.

JusteKate ~ I don't know about the security clearance and medical treatment for PTSD. I can see how that might happen, at least temporarily. I don't see the connection between that and marriage counseling. But, like Mae, I don't know. I do know that I go to counseling regularly and my dh comes when he can and it's never been an issue. No one at his work even knows unless he tells them. He does not have to report it to anyone. It's not through the Chaplain, though. The Marine Corps even has special marriage counseling type retreats that everyone raves about. It's considered good to go on one of those.

Mae ~ Glad baby stayed put until your dh made it home.

Kourtney ~ Since we just went through a similar situation I can tell you my experience. My dh was sent to OK for 7 months for a Captain's Course. It was considered a PCS move so we were expected to move. We didn't because his plan was to come right back where we are for another 3 years. We bought our home and we have LOs so it seemed ridiculous to move them for 7 months just to move right back again and we had no idea what we would do with the house in this market. So, we stayed and he went. It was very difficult financially because we had to pay for all of his living expenses there. He did not get any per diem or anything like he would if it were a TAD or whatever you call it. If we weren't planning to stay here, we all would have gone, probably (although I'm not a big fan of Lawton, OK).

By the way, since he just did a DiTY move I can tell you all what he has to turn in. He said he needs all his gas receipts and the weight of his vehicle with and without all his stuff in it. That's all for the Marine Corps but he said the other branches might require more.

I asked him about being close to any explosions that could have injured him and he said he never was. He saw and heard explosions. Was close enough that dirty rained down on him. But not close enough for it to cause a brain injury. And now he's upset with me for suggesting that he has a brain injury.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Is your son in pre-school?

I forgot about that part. My kids are homeschooled so that doesn't affect our decision as far as when/where/how often to move. If they were in school, I probably would not move them for that short period of time even if we were headed somewhere else afterward.


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## MaerynPearl

justKate - DH says the security clearance thing may be true, he does not know and has never heard of that... but he doesn't have to deal with much security clearance for his particular job.

However, he knows for a fact that marriage counseling has no effect on ability to carry/use a gun. He says that if you guys are having trouble and he does NOT get counseling THAT could effect it though (if something bad were to happen and he were to become a threat to you, not likely scenario I am sure... but that was his only example of counseling/guns being related) As I said, he has several of his men doing counseling and one with some pretty severe problems is on the range this week... so yeah...

Also -

Yes I am stupid for doing so, but we went shopping tonight. In my defense, I forgot it was payday, we went out because we were out of food since DH was gone for so long and I cant go out without him.

After doing all of our school and food shopping, I had to sit up front on the benches (because seriously? SPD and shopping dont mix and all the wheelchairs were taken!)

Another pregnant lady was sitting on the benches too (only 20 weeks) and we had quite a fun conversation about how in a town like Jacksonville, you can always tell when a woman's hubby came home by asking her how pregnant she is.


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## MommaKitten21

I need to vent.... then, I will respond to the moving to AIT questions tomorrow when my head is a little clearer.

So ds has been having major issues behavior wise. I simply don't know how to help him. I know having DH gone, and then a new baby in a matter of two weeks HAS to be hard. Plus, he turned two in that time, so that brings on it's own set of challenges I am sure.

Then, add in newborn dd. She has colic. Every day has been a little worse then the day before.

Now, I'm also in college full time online, and I am stressed to a max with an outside circumstance that should be over with completely next week. (Hoping!!)

Today I finally snapped. ds threw a car at my head, and I barely ducked in time. I yelled, then I put my hand on his stomach (I was sitting on the floor in front of him nursing dd... he was standing) and kinda shoved him backwards a step. He didn't fall or anything, and he definitely wasn't physically hurt, but his face showed me how hurt he was emotionally







we never yell, and we definitely never get physical in our house. I felt horrible... and it scared me as well.

I immediately apologized, and I talked to him and told him that maybe a change of scenery would help us all. He asked for a car ride to see trains. So I agreed, and we all loaded up and the rest of the night went much better. However, my guilt over it is insane. I will never let myself get to that point again, I will try to change scenery before it ever gets close to that...especially because it obviously worked.

Now, because of the guilt, I told my mom about what happened on the phone. She freaks out on me and tells me she is coming over to take the newborn for a few hours. Now, I am EBF... and she is severe colic... how is this going to help me? I told my mom I was not comfortable with that, especially with how young dd is. She told me "well, she is obviously just going to cry either way so why does it matter if she is with you where you can offer her a boob or not?" I just started crying and told her no thanks. She told me "well when you kill your kids tonight because you cant handle yourself, and the police call me to tell me you are in jail, just remember I offered and it could have been prevented!"

Really!?!? This is my "support" here? I'm so frustrated and hurt. And of course, I am slapped in the face with missing DH that much more. I would give anything to have his reassuring words tonight, his hugs, and his help... help that I trust and can count on for positive influence. Of course, if he calls... I also know I cant tell him about tonight... he will be so worried







He has enough on his plate right now I am sure, he doesn't need to be worried about us here at home too.

I am constantly awake with one of the kids, I am exhausted. I am stressed. I am lonely. I'm not depressed, because seriously, most days go better than today. However, it's just all the stuff that's been going on. It's just been all this week and more next week. I know all the stuff that is stressing me out will get better, and it's not permanent ... so that keeps me going. I just feel horrible about my actions though.


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## MarineWife

AW Kourtney ~ Give yourself a break. You have a lot on your plate. I'm sorry that your mother treated you that way. It didn't occur to her that the more helpful thing would be to take care of your 2yo for a little while?


----------



## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 























DH is HOME!!!









Here's a pic!

I did wear the dress! Thanks for all the feedback!









you look awesome, so glad he is home with you!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Does anyone else's spouse invoke the "security clearance excuse" when you mention medical treatment or counseling?

just read this to my DH who happens to work in the clinic that does most of the evals for TBI and a lot of PTSD and he calls bull on this as well. he said that just an eval would not do anything, not these days, maybe 5-10 years ago.
Only if your behavior was untrustworthy or to erratic would things maybe be pulled for a period of time.
As for the marital counseling, that is even more wrong, they usually look favorably on voluntary counseling. and there is great options in the army at least you have options like "Military & Family Life Consultant Program" its a program that offers all kinds of counseling that is kept confidential and off your record. Now if you folks had a "domestic incident" and ever had to call in law enforcement that would be a different thing.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Since DH changed his MOS, he has to go through AIT again ... at Ft. Gordon. I have the option to move down there (or should because his AIT is 7 months long) I am so torn as to whether or not moving there would be a good idea or not. Thoughts?

i stayed at home when DH just months after our wedding left to school for nearly 9 months. i visited him a few times and it sucked but was not the worse thing since at least he was in the us and we could talk and webcamera whenever we wanted. what then REALLY sucked was that he then got put in unit when he graduated that was deploying 4 months later! had i known i would have gone with him and had the adventure of the two different cities he when to. we had wanted to start a family and felt ok putting it off for those 9 months of school, when that turned into deployment and then one this after another it ended up taking us nearly 4 years to get to this wonderful pregnancy.
i know your situation is not exactly the same as mine, but my moral of the story is the military can throw us a lot of curves and choices, i now understand not letting all that halt my plans, i now always work to find a way for my plans to fit in and around what plans the army throws at us!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
The Marine Corps even has special marriage counseling type retreats that everyone raves about. It's considered good to go on one of those.

Army has these too and they are very highly touted by the command, folks seem to really like them

Quote:

I asked him about being close to any explosions that could have injured him and he said he never was. He saw and heard explosions. Was close enough that dirty rained down on him. But not close enough for it to cause a brain injury. And now he's upset with me for suggesting that he has a brain injury.








sorry that he is upset, but he needs to understand it is a concern for his health, not a judgment. and in general if he was that close for the dirt to fall on him, he should let an expert decide if it was close enough for any other effect.


----------



## ~adorkable~

Kourtney, missed your post while i was replying to the others,
hug lady, we are here for you. it sounds so hard and your mother was out of line, you went to her for comfort and was already beating yourself up, that was so mean and wrong for her to say to you.

i think you did a great job getting on to something else that you could share (the car ride and trains) with your LO. yeah we all wish we would do that 10 minutes earlier at times, but we do the best we can. you did not hurt anyone, and you can see the issue, with that you are already way ahead of the curve.

maybe look for some options for your 2 yr old to go on some play dates or day care or something to give you a small break?


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## MarineWife

I've been meaning to mention to my dh that I want to go on one of those marriage retreats. The kids are old enough now that we could leave them for a weekend with my mother. Everything is paid for. We just have to get ourselves there. I think it would be really fun. I'm going to start looking into dates on Monday.


----------



## MarineWife

Me again. I have to tell you all about this because I think it's funny. Dh's change of command is coming up next week so I told him he needs to look at the boys clothes to make sure they have something suitable that fits. Then I asked what I should wear because I don't really have much and might have to find something quick. Dh says I should wear clothes. Uh, duh! So I can go in sweats and a baggy t-shirt? So dh finally says he will look at my clothes and pick and outfit for me. Now you all know how socially inept I am. I have to have my dh pick out my clothes for me.


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## MovingMomma

MW: Look into the specifics of CREDO before you sign up! When we went (8-ish years ago) there was a strong religious component. We were in 29 Palms when we went and the retreat was very near Sequoia National Park. It was a good time and we took away several key things that have helped throughout our marriage.


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## MarineWife

Oh, thanks, Shannon. I was under the impression that, although it was run by the Chaplain, it did not have a religious component at all. I have noticed that the amount of religiousness of anything seems to be dependent on the particular Chaplain.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Now you all know how socially inept I am. I have to have my dh pick out my clothes for me.









LOL

even with how socially inept I am I could never do that...

my dh is colorblind! LOL

*looks over at DH sitting in his very mismatched pajamas*

...yeah, no. LOL


----------



## MarineWife

Well, it's only for special occasions where he'd either pick a dress or skirt and then I could coordinate the rest.









We got into another "discussion" about TBI and PTSD today. I asked him if he had been properly evaluated for either or both as part of his debriefing. At first he didn't answer my question. He just sort of shrugged like he didn't know but he was fine. I pushed it a little more until he finally said that he filled out all the appropriate questionnaires and was interviewed. He was getting really annoyed at me for pushing it so I asked what his problem was. He said that I think everyone has TBI or PTSD.







Um, no. I was just saying that any and everyone who has ever been in a war situation should be properly evaluated for both. That's not unreasonable.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 







Um, no. I was just saying that any and everyone who has ever been in a war situation should be properly evaluated for both. That's not unreasonable.

I agree with you, DH agrees with your DH. I don't like that! LOL

(However, when I told DH what you told us, DH agrees that your DH should at least be evaluated because that is odd behavior.)


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I have noticed that the amount of religiousness of anything seems to be dependent on the particular Chaplain.

Yeah, and that's the part that I don't remember well enough, but I'm pretty sure the materials were inherently religious. I don't know, however, if they use the same materials everywhere or if they are still using the materials they used back then, etc.


----------



## ~adorkable~

I am a strong willed Atheist and do not easy put up with latent religious stuff drifting in to all walks of life. I have a partular issue with them I have a particular issue with them in military life, since I feel like my dh is forced to be ok with it.
That was my biggest resistants to going on a retreat, my dh was actually suggesting one. He talked to the unit chaplain and in at least our case he said he did not bring religion into the weekend except for grace at meals.

Personally as much as I wanted to go, I did not fully believe them. It seems it is often not a _particular_ religion but it is still god. If that makes sense. If I were to go on one I would want to talk to the chaplain myself and make it clear I was not ok with everything I'm not ok with and make it clear I'm not passive about it. I think I could easily judge his reaction and know whether I would be happy on the retreat or not.

I have met chaplains that really do reach out in what er way works and can easily leave god in their pocket and not pull it out, there are a special and really appreciated breed.


----------



## MarineWife

I'm like you, Adorkable. I will not participate in anything if it ends up being religious in nature. My dh gets upset with me about it. He doesn't understand why I can't just go along. That's something I would definitely speak about to the Chaplain running the program.

Mae ~ I was going to say that I wondered if it was a military thing. I think it might also be a male/female difference. In general, men are much less likely to seek help than women, especially anything that resembles talk therapy. That's just not how the male brain is wired.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Mae ~ I was going to say that I wondered if it was a military thing. I think it might also be a male/female difference. In general, men are much less likely to seek help than women, especially anything that resembles talk therapy. That's just not how the male brain is wired.

This is so true. I spoke with one of the social workers who runs PTSD programs here, and she said that it is almost impossible to get male soldiers to comply with traditional talk therapy programs, especially if it is a support group environment. Individual therapy is a little better, but not much.

As far as the religious aspect of the couples' retreats is concerned, I can't say I much noticed it when I participated in them. However, I am Christian and thus wouldn't be by bothered by it either, so YMMV. Here's a link to the program the Army uses for couples/family retreats:

http://www.strongbonds.org/skins/strongbonds/home.aspx

The emphasis is more on building closeness and communication skills in spite of difficult circumstances. I don't recall God being mentioned in either of the workshops I attended, except in the context of shared beliefs.


----------



## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
In general, men are much less likely to seek help than women

DH & I had a big talk about what to do if he had symptoms of TBI, and one thing he brought up was that if someone has a brain injury they may not be able to accurately assess their own problems &/or not be able to make appropriate decisions about treatment. But he also said there is a stigma and there can be negative consequences career wise. Our basic plan is for me to try to talk to him about it first...if he doesn't think there's a problem/doesn't want treatment, but I think his symptoms are interfering with everyday life &/or would interfere with his job performance then I'll talk with specific coworkers he's identified and get feedback on his situation & have that/those individuals talk w/him...if he still didn't respond and both the consulted person(s) and I still thought he needed treatment then I would ask that person to go to his command and help force him into treatment... But hopefully he'd respond at some stage and realize that things were different than his perception, b/c gosh he wouldn't be happy about being forced into something! And hopefully talking about it in advance would help a bit, too.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Mae ~ I was going to say that I wondered if it was a military thing. I think it might also be a male/female difference. In general, men are much less likely to seek help than women, especially anything that resembles talk therapy. That's just not how the male brain is wired.

Yeah I think its more Male/Female since I am former Army and was actually diagnosed with PTSD during my time in the Army.


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## MarineWife

That's an excellent idea, Shannon. Too bad we hadn't thought of that before. It's really hard for me to determine if the behavior is normal or not. I have a bit of a problem being intolerant of what I perceive as stupidity when it might just be a difference of opinion. I don't want to talk to someone at his work if I'm not sure. Unfortunately, I doubt I could be sure unless I knew he was properly evaluated. Since he just joined a new unit, we don't know anyone in his command, either.

Here's another example. We have not been using our credit card because our debt got a bit out of hand and I want to try to pay it off. So, I told dh several months ago to only use the debit card unless he had to make a really big purchase. Then, of course, we would discuss it. He came home and started immediately spending money at Walmart and Home Depot on what he sees as necessary home repair or upkeep stuff. I had to tell him that if he was going to keep spending money like, he spent $250-300 in one week, that he'd have to start using the credit card again. I went over our budget and told him exactly how much we had left over as a cushion each month after paying bills. It's not much.

Today we've been reorganizing the the storage area in the house. I told him I wanted to take all the clothes that are in bags and put them in bins. He asked me which card to use, debit or credit. I told him to use the debit card since it shouldn't cost more than $50 since he'd checked the price of the bins online. Well, he spent $130 and still used the debit card. I was just so upset. What was he thinking? How did he think we'd be able to pay our bills if he kept doing that? He said he was just doing what I said. Um, no. I said use the debit if it's not more than $50. If it gets up to $100, he'll have to use the credit card. It's like he only hears the first part of what I say and doesn't register the rest. And when he's in that situation he can't figure out on his own that that's too much cash to spend? I don't know. Is that just a misunderstanding/difference of opinion thing or is it something more?

Thinking about getting something I say that has more than one part or steps, my sister is like that and she has an auditory processing disorder. She can follow a multistep written list no problem but, if you tell her to do A then B then C, she only hears A because it takes her longer to process what she hears.

Another example: We are going through stuff in our boxes. He asks me if I still have a palm pilot type thingie I bought him many years ago because he came across the manual for it. I told him I was pretty sure we still had it somewhere, meaning we should keep the manual until we get through everything to see if we come across it. He looks at me and acknowledges what I say and then goes to throw the manuals in the trash box anyway. Another misunderstanding or something else? He's been gone so long maybe I just don't remember what he's like.


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## EdnaMarie

MW, I dunno, I tend to think my hubsand is stupid or inconsiderate a lot of the time and I know he hasn't had a head injury.

Quote:

I told him I was pretty sure we still had it somewhere, meaning we should keep the manual until we get through everything to see if we come across it
See, to me, I would think... toss it. That's a no.

Maybe you are much less used to living with someone and negotiating everything? He's used to a different style of communication. It will take time to get on the same wavelength again.

Maybe he is distracted, too. It took me a year before I could go off a road or sidewalk after my time in Afghanistan.

Quote:

Is that just a misunderstanding/difference of opinion thing or is it something more?
Maybe he's used to spending the Army's money, they say one thing and assume you'll do another?


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
See, to me, I would think... toss it. That's a no.

He's the one who's all about keeping things that go with electronic equipment, though. And he's the one who wants to make sure we have all the manuals that go with anything that goes in the yard sale/give away box. He keeps all the empty boxes that our electronic equipment comes in.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Maybe you are much less used to living with someone and negotiating everything? He's used to a different style of communication. It will take time to get on the same wavelength again.

This is what I was thinking at first. That along with me thinking he's pretty stupid a lot of the time anyway was all I thought it was. It wasn't until after a while that it occurred to me that he could have been injured. Maybe he's just a lot more stupid than I remember.









He doesn't seem to have any difficulty thinking or talking about work. It's home/family stuff that stumps him. I can understand him needing a little time to refamiliarize himself with how things run but he seems so slow about it all. I think I'm overly observant so I pick up on little things that people a lot more quickly than most. Or maybe since I'm female I'm just a lot more observant than my dh.

For example, I took some food to my 19yo at work. I wasn't even there long enough to get out of the car. I pulled in. DS ran up and got his food. We exchanged a few words. He went back to work and I drove off. When he came home I asked him if he was allowed to wear cargo shorts at work because I had noticed that all but one other guy there had more comfortable looking cargo shorts. He said to me, "How could you pick up on that in just the few seconds that you were there." I had only glanced in the work bay but I notice stuff like that. Maybe because of that unconsciously I put higher expectations on my dh than he can meet.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Maybe he's used to spending the Army's money, they say one thing and assume you'll do another?

He doesn't get money from the Marine Corps to spend.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
I am a strong willed Atheist and do not easy put up with latent religious stuff drifting in to all walks of life. I have a partular issue with them I have a particular issue with them in military life, since I feel like my dh is forced to be ok with it.
That was my biggest resistants to going on a retreat, my dh was actually suggesting one. He talked to the unit chaplain and in at least our case he said he did not bring religion into the weekend except for grace at meals.

Personally as much as I wanted to go, I did not fully believe them. It seems it is often not a _particular_ religion but it is still god. If that makes sense. If I were to go on one I would want to talk to the chaplain myself and make it clear I was not ok with everything I'm not ok with and make it clear I'm not passive about it. I think I could easily judge his reaction and know whether I would be happy on the retreat or not.

I have met chaplains that really do reach out in what er way works and can easily leave god in their pocket and not pull it out, there are a special and really appreciated breed.

That sucks if it's Bible-based for us because DH is Muslim. I bet they'd "adapt" by saying, "I don't know if it's the same in Islam, but..."









Quote:

He's the one who's all about keeping things that go with electronic equipment, though. And he's the one who wants to make sure we have all the manuals that go with anything that goes in the yard sale/give away box. He keeps all the empty boxes that our electronic equipment comes in.
Mine does that, too! Unless it's a HUGE box. Hm. That does seem really strange, because I know what you mean about being serious about it. It's like it's part of their personality. There is a chance he was in an explosion but doesn't remember it.







Hopefully not.

Quote:

He doesn't get money from the Marine Corps to spend.
Oooooh, sorry, I'm in Army world.







But he doesn't have a budget for his job?


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Oooooh, sorry, I'm in Army world.







But he doesn't have a budget for his job?

....my hubby don't.

Its probably better he doesn't... he has problems with budgets. lol.

"Honey, we need to pay the midwife the rest of what we owe her this paycheck."

"Okay, just let me buy all of this other stuff we don't need first and hope we have enough left over!"


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Oooooh, sorry, I'm in Army world.







But he doesn't have a budget for his job?

There's a budget for his unit but I don't know that he's been involved much in determining how that money is spent. Maybe that will change some with his new position. From what he says, it sounds like the budget is very limited, anyway.








Mae, my dh does that. He nickels and dimes us with stuff he says he needs for work. The latest thing isn't a nickel or dime, though. He says he needs a Blackberry so he can get instant emails from work on his phone. He thought one was going to be supplied to him but was told that hasn't been the case for anyone else.


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## EdnaMarie

You guys are making me so grateful for my DH. I'm the dumb spender and I don't even spend that much!


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## MaerynPearl

Wow... yeah that's not a small expense. Id probably faint if DH tried convincing me he NEEDED one.

He wants an iPod touch, mine died the other day after a year and half as my trusty left hand.

I told him he can get one when I can get one. In other words, if we have a nice enough tax return, we are selling my car, buying either a large car or small van and if we have 600 dollars left over we will each get an iPod touch.

As it is Im already looking for cheap things to get/make the kids for Christmas because between paying the midwife, his car repairs and getting ready to go home for a weekend in October, we are budgeting pretty tight (we usually have more than enough to live comfortably but we are not so lucky right now)

Luckily StumbleUpon taught me how to kool-aid dye playsilks and a very cheap place to buy them... so my daughter is going to get a dress-up trunk FULL of them. She has been making outfits out of baby blankets, my veil from my wedding to her father and various other things she can find... so I think that will be so perfect for her! Plus its something that as she becomes a teenager we can use them to decorate her room.


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## MommaKitten21

DH bought new boots, a new bag, and convinced me to get him a blackberry.....







all though, him having the blackberry has been pretty awesome... and we got a great deal through verizon for it! (Only cost me $30!)

Logging on to the bank account and seeing it dwindle was no fun! lol. However, I am very frugal, and I know this will not be the norm every month. I figured let him spend the first month, but now it's serious savings/paying off debt and looking at the bigger goals for us (buying land to build on eventually)


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
(x-posted in DC metro Finding Your Tribe)

Does anyone here have experience or links to birthing experiences and policies at Walter Reed or Bethesda Navel Medical Center? or if you have another MTF in the area that you do really like?

Sadly but not surprisingly their websites do not go into policy and many options.
I will be moving to the area at 20weeks and birthing twins in Jan. I am finding that no birth centers in the area take twins and even if i decide to go the homebirth route i would like to pick the best available hospital for the rest of my care and in the case of transfer.

A few of my main concerns are:

avoiding c-section (this might focus on acceptance of baby positions)
water birthing options
being able to move and birth in good positions

my husband will be posted at walter reed, so for obvious reasons, getting prenatal care and even birthing there may have convince and other advantages. Bethesda naval does seem to really tout how advance and open they are, but i worry they are mistaking nice drapes in a birthing suite with actually natural birthing policies.

Adorkable, I was just coming back to this thread to ask for this kind of information! My sister recently relocated to Andrews AFB and is in temporary lodging without internet. She is 30 weeks pregnant and is trying to get opinions on her options out there or find a place to give birth. Have you gotten any good info? I'm trying to find out what I can, but I have been so busy. She is really stressed out.

I am trying to gather as much information on Andrews AFB in general, if anyone has it!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Delilahs.mom* 
Hi! Just wanted to introduce myself. I've been an Army wife for 2 years (currently at Ft. Lewis) and just had my first baby in June. DH has been deployed since January, but he did get to be here for the birth. This is our first deployment and I don't think either of us realized it would be this hard. Any tips on how to make it through without losing my mind?

Hi!! I'm here at Lewis too. PM me if you're interested in joining a AP playgroup. My husband is gone right now but we are within weeks of his return.







It's been hard this time, but keeping busy has really really helped.

In fact, I've been so busy that I haven't had much time to check this thread.







But I love it. Time is flying. Once my husband comes home, time can slow down.


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## MaerynPearl

BWUAHAHAHA today is a GREAT day for me.

I woke up to a phone call from my husband that he found the $1000 we could not find. I mean seriously, how do you misplace that much money?! It was supposed to be set aside for the midwife and I was sort of freaking out about it... I though he had SPENT it.

Nope. Was just sitting in another bank account he forgot he had. MEN!

And then I got a letter from my old apartment building. I totally forgot... I moved out 2 months ago. Its my security/pet deposits!

So yeah, not living on as tight of a budget as I thought. I mean, we wont be taking a trip to hawaii anytime soon... but Im also not stuck eating the cheapest food I can get my hands on and figuring out a place to put my daughter until we can get her a crib matress.


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
just read this to my DH who happens to work in the clinic that does most of the evals for TBI and a lot of PTSD and he calls bull on this as well. he said that just an eval would not do anything, not these days, maybe 5-10 years ago.
Only if your behavior was untrustworthy or to erratic would things maybe be pulled for a period of time.
As for the marital counseling, that is even more wrong, they usually look favorably on voluntary counseling. and there is great options in the army at least you have options like "Military & Family Life Consultant Program" its a program that offers all kinds of counseling that is kept confidential and off your record. Now if you folks had a "domestic incident" and ever had to call in law enforcement that would be a different thing.

Yep, I think it's a b.s. excuse that he gives me. I don't think he's intentionally lying, just doesn't know what he's talking about... Thankfully we're in a pretty good place right now, but next time, we're running to counseling.

The marriage retreats sound nice. I wouldn't mind doing something like that one day.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Adorkable, I was just coming back to this thread to ask for this kind of information! My sister recently relocated to Andrews AFB and is in temporary lodging without internet. She is 30 weeks pregnant and is trying to get opinions on her options out there or find a place to give birth. Have you gotten any good info? I'm trying to find out what I can, but I have been so busy. She is really stressed out.

I am trying to gather as much information on Andrews AFB in general, if anyone has it!

What sort of info are you looking for? My cousin-in-law gave birth at Andrews in 2006. I don't know if they are still birthing there or not. She had a blood clotting disorder and ended up with a section after TOL. The hospital was old, but comfortable for her and my cousin. Beds and meals for mom and dad for 4+ days. They also let 10+ people visit in her room at all hours of the day--the hosptial was empty. Not my cup of tea, but she was satisfied.









Does your friend have other children? This website is neat if you live in that area. You can sign up for a weekly email newsletter that has good ideas of family-friendly things to do all over the area. You said they're in temporary housing--will they be living on base? If not, I would suggest they look east on Rt. 4 (away from Suitland Parkway).

*MP*, hooray for little surprises!

Kourtney, I hope you're feeling better. Ignore your mother if you can. I would have lost my $h!t if my mom said that to me. You're a good mama.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
Does anyone else's spouse invoke the "security clearance excuse" when you mention medical treatment or counseling? Years ago when Huz came back from his last middle east deployment he was having a lot of flashbacks and trouble sleeping, and I suggested he see someone about it. He refused because he said they would yank his security clearnace. After DD was born, I suggested we get marriage counseling, and again he told me that he would do it, but that he wouldn't be allowed to carry a gun (meaning not able to do his job) and could have his security clearance yanked. Is any of this true? I mean, I don't think he's _lying about it_, necessarily, I think he just doesn't know what he's talking about. Anyone have any experience with this?

This is not true at all. It will in no way affect a security clearance. You don't even have to disclose marital or PTSD counseling to investigators. Even if it is something like depression or anxiety, you still won't lose your clearance. Counseling in any form is not negative.

When it becomes an issue is when you have suicide attempts or hospitalizations for self harm.


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## EdnaMarie

Besides, in the Army we have Army Family Life Consultants and they will give the initial counseling totally anonymously. You don't even have to give your name, even if you're a soldier. They will only report intent to harm self or others.


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## MaerynPearl

Sooooo I have a question and I totally understand you not being able to answer but any experience, thoughts, opinions, theories, etc. on it should help.

DH has a field op starting Sept. 13th... it is a Battalion field op.

I am due Sept. 14th.

Quote:

GRANTING PTAD. THE TIMING OF PTAD WILL BE GRANTED AT THE COMMANDER'S DISCRETION DEPENDING ON THE UNIT'S MISSION AND SPECIFIC OPERATIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES. HOWEVER, COMMANDERS WILL ENSURE, ABSENT ANY IMMEDIATE OR FUTURE OPERATIONAL REQUIREMENTS, THAT PTAD IS TAKEN AND COMPLETED WITHIN 25 DAYS AFTER THE CHILD'S BIRTH. ADDITIONALLY, IT WILL BE TAKEN BEFORE ANY OTHER LEAVE (I.E., COMBAT, ANNUAL, OR POST DEPLOYMENT MOBILIZATION RESPITE ABSENCE).
So does this mean that it is possible/likely that DH may have to wait to do his PTAD if his commander is not-so-nice and forces him to go on the field op if I have not had her yet by Sept 2nd (3rd, if he were able to take PTAD right away would end on the 13th, correct?)

And... depending on his commander, if I have not had her by the 13th, he could be gone on the field op for the entire 40th week of my pregnancy and could possibly miss the birth of his first child?


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## MarineWife

Yes, Mae, that's exactly what it means. I was due with ds2 on January 12. DH's unit was scheduled for a field op leaving 5 or 6 days later. If I did not go into labor before his unit left, he would have to go and would not be able to come back when I did go into labor even though they were only going to be a couple of islands over and had their own helicopters. Since we thought that might be the one and only child we would be able to have together, I choose to be induced so he could be there. Since I went into labor before his unit left he was able to stay for his entire 10 days of PTAD. They didn't have a problem making an extra flight just to fly him over the island when that was up.









I have a question. Since we've been dicussing whether or not seeking counseling can affect careers, is there ever a time when you would go to the Chaplain about personal problems within your marriage if your SO won't do something about it himself? Is that something a Chaplain could and is supposed to help with?


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I have a question. Since we've been dicussing whether or not seeking counseling can affect careers, is there ever a time when you would go to the Chaplain about personal problems within your marriage if your SO won't do something about it himself? Is that something a Chaplain could and is supposed to help with?

I believe it is. I've known women here in that sort of situation, who have sought help through the Chaplain. I don't know what the ultimate outcome was in their situations though.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I have a question. Since we've been dicussing whether or not seeking counseling can affect careers, is there ever a time when you would go to the Chaplain about personal problems within your marriage if your SO won't do something about it himself? Is that something a Chaplain could and is supposed to help with?

DH says that is pretty much exactly what the Chaplain is for.


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## grcelizabeth

Hey ladies. I'm looking for some good military books to read that give accurate information about military life for families. Can you recommend any?


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I have a question. Since we've been dicussing whether or not seeking counseling can affect careers, is there ever a time when you would go to the Chaplain about personal problems within your marriage if your SO won't do something about it himself? Is that something a Chaplain could and is supposed to help with?

Yes. I have advised spouses to seek out the Chaplain on their own when I was an FRG leader. My neighbor, whose DH is a Chaplain, confirmed that her DH sees spouses as well as soldiers. Chaplains serve the Army as a whole. HTH, and







.


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## MarineWife

Thanks, Claire and Mae. I wonder how bad it would look to go to the Chaplain right after joining a new unit...


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Thanks, Claire and Mae. I wonder how bad it would look to go to the Chaplain right after joining a new unit...

Have you looked into the Military Family Life Consultant program, or Tricare's online behavioral health counseling? These might be better options considering your concerns about confidentiality. Here are some links:

http://www.mccslejeune.com/mflc.html - MFLC at LeJeune

http://www.humana-military.com/south...oralHealth.asp - general info on covered behavioral health services


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Thanks, Claire and Mae. I wonder how bad it would look to go to the Chaplain right after joining a new unit...

Chaplains shouldn't be telling anyone about who comes to see them or why... so it shouldn't look bad at all.


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## MarineWife

Thanks, Tabitha. The problem with the private counseling is that he doesn't go consistently. I got to counseling on a regular basis and he's always welcome. It's not that he's unwilling (or at least he says he'd like to go) but he almost always says he can't get away from work. So, I was thinking maybe the Chaplain could make that happen better.


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## Soul-O

MW: The MFLC folks can meet you at your convenience, outside of an office setting, so perhaps your DH might be more able to meet with them as well if it is an evening/weekend appointment. If you did the Tricare Online counseling, I think there are counselors available for evenings/weekends as well. Do you think your DH would be up for that? I agree that the Chaplain may be able to make counseling happen for your DH during work hours.

I hope something works out for you guys soon.


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grcelizabeth* 
Hey ladies. I'm looking for some good military books to read that give accurate information about military life for families. Can you recommend any?

I have not had any experience in the book department, but I have had luck with some websites!

Military One Source comes to mind, and there are a few others I have bookmarked at home that I can give you!

Oh, and a side note... I am sooo proud of myself right now and I cant share it with DH so figured I would share it here.... I'm in school online, and classes just ended this week, and my final grade for one of my classes was posted... 87%!!! So even with DH leaving, a toddler, a colic newborn.... and being exhausted... I still pulled off a good grade! Woo hoo! Makes it all totally worth it... and makes me believe I CAN do this!


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## ~Katie~

That's wonderful, MK! Just keep taking it one step at a time, you're doing great


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## EdnaMarie

Good for you, MK! That is AWESOME!


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## MarineWife

Yay, MK!


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## MaerynPearl

Awesome MK!


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## MarineWife

I've been having a health/medical issue recently that my H is aware of. I told him earlier today that I was waiting for a call from the doc's office about whether or not I need to go in. I was told by a nurse at the office that I should go to the ER. I texted my H to inform him and got no response. I waited probably an hour and then called him. No answer. I called again 3 or 4 times in the following half hour or so. Still no answer so I finally left a message. That was about a half hour ago. So I've been trying to reach him about this for about 2 hours now with no response at all. I don't understand what would be so important at work that he couldn't take a call from me about that. I never call him at work so it's not like he's used to me calling him for silly things. He knows I won't call him unless it's extremely important.

My emotions are really raw right now because I'm dealing with this health issue so I don't know if I'm reacting rationally to his behavior.


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## MovingMomma

MW: Did you try his work # in case something's going on w/the cell?


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## Maluhia

I'd guess he was in a meeting away from his phone and assumes that you have things taken care of/are okay or he would have heard different. It probably did not occur to him that he'd have to be IN his office to hear different. I think our guys do out-of-sight-out-of-mind stuff while at work and therefore he's not doing this because he does not care about you, it is just that he is in work mode and assumes because he has not heard from you (his fault, but it won't occur to him) that things are normal/fine.


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## EdnaMarie

With my husband, I'd assume it was just a military thing, that he was in formation or something. It can take a long time! I am sorry about your condition--go to the ER, is my opinion. I'm thinking of you!


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## MarineWife

I am not going to the ER by myself.

I don't have an office # for him. He hasn't given me one. The only # I can find any of the stupid Marine Corps websites (does anyone else have a lot of trouble understanding and navigating those sites?) is for the FRO. I really don't want to call the FRO asking for my H's phone #.


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## Soul-O

MW: How did it work out? Were you able to get ahold of your DH? I had to go to L&D by myself for monitoring after falling on my stomach last week, so I understand your reluctance to go to the ER on your own. If DH isn't deployed, it would be nice for him to be around at a time like this. Hope you are feeling better soon







.

MK: Way to go with the school work! I had to finish up one of the classes I was taking towards my M.A. when DS #4 was just a few weeks old and my DH was away at OCS, so I know how challenging it is to complete school work with the demands of solo parenting young children. Keep up the good work







.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I am not going to the ER by myself.

I don't have an office # for him. He hasn't given me one. The only # I can find any of the stupid Marine Corps websites (does anyone else have a lot of trouble understanding and navigating those sites?) is for the FRO. I really don't want to call the FRO asking for my H's phone #.

I had this issue with my dh for a long time. It really came to a head when I was down to the last few weeks of my pregnancy with ds. I had no contact number for him at work, and he would leave his phone at home, OR leave it turned off all day at work. OR I would call, and leave a message, and he'd never listen to it. He checks all his voice mail about once a week







He is still forgetful about his phone, but he's really made an effort to do better in the last year or so.

I hope everything is ok!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
MW: How did it work out? Were you able to get ahold of your DH? I had to go to L&D by myself for monitoring after falling on my stomach last week, so I understand your reluctance to go to the ER on your own. If DH isn't deployed, it would be nice for him to be around at a time like this. Hope you are feeling better soon







.

I did finally get hold of him. I called the FRO and left messages on her office and cell phones asking for his office number. Before she called back I tracked down his main office number and called just as he was coming out of a meeting. That was around 4:00. He was able to come home right away and take me to the ER. I hate to call him at work and get other people involved in our business. I don't like to call attention to myself like that. No drama here, please.

He had been in a meeting that rolled into another that rolled into another since about 10:30 and left his phone in his office. Why would you leave your phone somewhere else like that? If you don't want it to ring during the meeting, just set it to vibrate. I had sent the first text about going to the ER at 10:20 but, obviously, he didn't look at it before going into the meeting.







What if it had been something with one of the kids?

I asked him if I should have called his office number sooner and he said I could have. His answers like that always confuse me. Of course I could have. I _could_ do anything I want. What I want to know is if I _should_ have. Would he want me to call and have someone interrupt him in his meetings? I definitely would if it were one of the kids or if it were extremely emergent for me, like I needed an ambulance (although I guess I probably wouldn't be calling anyone then







) but this wasn't that emergent.

Obviously, if he's not here, I would go to the ER by myself if I had to. However, when he's here and he's not doing anything but sitting in meetings listening to some guy tell everyone how to fill out a form properly, I think he should be able to get away and go to the ER with me. I was in such a heightened emotional state that I just could not go by myself. I could not speak to my neighbor to ask her to watch my kids. I could not speak to the people at the ER. He had to do all the talking for me.


----------



## Soul-O

MW: I'm relieved to hear that you were able to get ahold of your DH. It isn't that hard to put the phone on vibrate, then excuse yourself at some point to check the message. Perhaps now that your DH is going to be a company commander, he will get a gov't issue Blackberry that will have to be on his person at all times - no more missed calls, messages, etc..

I'm sorry for your emergency. Hope today is a better day







.


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## Soul-O

AFM: Lots of homecomings to celebrate over here. Many of the deployed spouses in my neighborhood were affiliated in some way or another with 4/2ID - the last combat arms troops left in Iraq. There's been a lot of news coverage of the pullout, so we've been able to catch a glimpse here and there of people we think we might know







. It's wonderful to see the spouses coming home, but also a little sad because my DH is still over there training replacements (he's combat support - the mission isn't over for them







). I'm looking forward to taking down the service flag and replacing it with a "welcome home" banner!


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## MarineWife

It would be nice if DH would get issued a Blackberry. That's what he expected but has been told that none of the other COs were issued theirs. They had to supply their own. He does say that either way he will probably have to get one.

I heard about the last combat troops pulling out. That is good news. Sorry your DH is still there. Hopefully, he'll be able to come home relatively soon.


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## gagin37

Has anyone here been stationed at Anderson AFB? Dh is talking about volunteering for an assignment out there. It's a 3 year tour. Guam is just...so far away. I can't really imagine what it would be like to move that far away.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
Has anyone here been stationed at Anderson AFB? Dh is talking about volunteering for an assignment out there. It's a 3 year tour. Guam is just...so far away. I can't really imagine what it would be like to move that far away.

I haven't been there but I've been to Hawaii. If not the same in distance, probably about the same in the sense of isolation from family and friends and everything you know. I loved being in Hawaii. I love the weather. I love the beach. I love the laid back way of living. I hated the shopping. There wasn't much on the island and a lot of online stores don't or didn't ship there.

I'm not close to my family so being far away from them wasn't a problem for me. I know that people who are close to their families can have a really hard time there because they can't visit as often, if at all. They feel very isolated and alone, especially if/when their spouses are away. My mom came to visit 3 or 4 times in the 3 years we were there. I couldn't get her to stop coming.







My FIL and his wife came to visit once as did my stepsister and her husband. My dad never came to visit. He's the only person I would have wanted to visit but I understand why he couldn't.


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## gagin37

dh was at Hickam for 3 years before he came here. I never went out there to see him while we were dating. He got to come stateside about once or twice a year, and it was pretty expensive, just for one person. I'm a homebody, and my mom is my best friend. I think I would have a hard time with it. But he's talked off and on for a couple of years about wanting to go to Guam. He seemed to like it a lot out in the Pacific. He's also interested in going back to Hickam, but I think Guam would be his 1st choice.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:

I asked him if I should have called his office number sooner and he said I could have. His answers like that always confuse me. Of course I could have. I could do anything I want. What I want to know is if I should have. Would he want me to call and have someone interrupt him in his meetings?
I think you and your DH are going to need to put a lot of effort re-establishing communication after this deployment. I think his answer sounds reasonable. To paraphrase:

"Is it right to call your office?" (should)
"Yes, you may call my office." (can)

SO- SOrry DH isn't coming home!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
My mom came to visit 3 or 4 times in the 3 years we were there. I couldn't get her to stop coming.







My FIL and his wife came to visit once as did my stepsister and her husband. My dad never came to visit. He's the only person I would have wanted to visit but I understand why he couldn't.

My parents, siblings and in-laws would take total advantage of free room and board in Hawaii...

When BIL was stationed out there, DH and his whole family went out to visit multiple times.

They dont really visit elsewhere lol.

MIL might come out after Mae comes in the next few weeks... (if DH has to go on the field op we are REALLY hopeful she can come down to help me that week, but not holding our breath as shes a gymnastics coach who owns her own gymnasium and classes start that week... she has other teachers that can take over but... its the first week of classes! you know?)


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
I think you and your DH are going to need to put a lot of effort re-establishing communication after this deployment.

His answer may be reasonable but it doesn't help clarify things for me. This isn't a post-deployment communication problem. That's how he has always answered questions like that.

Me: "You wanna go get something to eat?"
Him: "We can do that."

Me: "Should I put this box over here?"
Him: "You can do that."

That's just how he talks. I have told him over and over that an answer like that is not clear to me. It's as if he doesn't know how to give his own opinion. Most of the time it's about things that I don't need his opinion to make a decision. However, when it comes to his work stuff, I do really need to know what he thinks is best. KWIM?

Mae ~ I think most people would completely understand why your MIL isn't at work. Anyone who doesn't isn't worth worrying about, anyway, imo.


----------



## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Mae ~ I think most people would completely understand why your MIL isn't at work. Anyone who doesn't isn't worth worrying about, anyway, imo.

Yeah... we haven't asked her yet. I'm sure she wouldn't even question it... though if it comes down to asking her, I think I'm going to have to have DH do it. I have trouble asking for help even when I know I need it. I love the woman, really, she is so much like my own mother... but yeah... I hate admitting I cant do something, even shortly after giving birth!

As for the communication problems, ugh I know that feeling. DH and I have a lot of words that mean something different to him than it does to me and I have to make him clarify. Like a couple. To me, a couple means 2. That is it. Just 2. To him... its 3-5. Not 2, 2 is not enough. WTF? HOW does a couple mean more than 2?!?! So when he says a couple I have to say... my couple or yours? LOL


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
As for the communication problems, ugh I know that feeling. DH and I have a lot of words that mean something different to him than it does to me and I have to make him clarify. Like a couple. To me, a couple means 2. That is it. Just 2. To him... its 3-5. Not 2, 2 is not enough. WTF? HOW does a couple mean more than 2?!?! So when he says a couple I have to say... my couple or yours? LOL









I've slowly been trying to teach my dh to repeat back to me what I've said to him. His interpretation is almost invariably wrong. I say one thing and he interprets it to mean something completely different. I'm one who says exactly what I mean. I don't speak in code. I don't beat around the bush. I tell him not to think about what I've said and try to figure out what it means. Just take my words for exactly what they mean. He still gets it wrong.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Yeah... we haven't asked her yet. I'm sure she wouldn't even question it... though if it comes down to asking her, I think I'm going to have to have DH do it. I have trouble asking for help even when I know I need it. I love the woman, really, she is so much like my own mother... but yeah... I hate admitting I cant do something, even shortly after giving birth!

As for the communication problems, ugh I know that feeling. DH and I have a lot of words that mean something different to him than it does to me and I have to make him clarify. Like a couple. To me, a couple means 2. That is it. Just 2. To him... its 3-5. Not 2, 2 is not enough. WTF? HOW does a couple mean more than 2?!?! So when he says a couple I have to say... my couple or yours? LOL

He is mixing "a couple" with "several".

AAAAH! Nooo! He's actually right!

• informal an indefinite small number : he hoped she'd be better in a couple of days [as pron. ] we got some eggs-would you like a couple? | [as adj. ] just a couple more questions | clean the stains with a couple squirts of dishwashing liquid.

That's Oxford. What is the English language coming to???


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
He is mixing "a couple" with "several".

Hehe. I would have said he was mixing up "a couple" with "a few". I always think of "a couple" as 2. "A few" is 3-4, maybe 5. "Several" is even more.


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## MaerynPearl

Yeah, I tell him he means a few... but he says a few is 5+

I think hes just greedy... LMAO (j/k)

About to head out to Olive Garden for our third (dating) anniversary!

Hopefully since its a Thursday and a week after payday we wont have to wait long for a seat.

If there's too much line Ill cave and just go with Cracker Barrel (i love how just randomly our money issues solved themselves, with midwife paid in full AND three checks we were not expecting showing up!)


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Hehe. I would have said he was mixing up "a couple" with "a few". I always think of "a couple" as 2. "A few" is 3-4, maybe 5. "Several" is even more.











The biggest thing we got out of the marriage retreat was "reflexive listening," (I think I got the name right...) which is basically one person talks while the other listens (facing each other, preferably touching, and looking each other in the eye), then the listener repeats back a little summary of what the speaker said, the speaker agrees or clarifies, and they switch roles...lather, rinse, repeat.


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## MarineWife

Yeah, Shannon. That's what I'm talking about. I learned about that a long time ago. I've been trying to get my dh to do it for years. Most of the time he gets annoyed with me for asking him to tell me what he thinks I've said. I think he takes it as a criticism or challenge even though I've explained what I'm trying to get us to do. That's why I think we need a third person to teach us how to do that sort of thing.


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## MovingMomma

Maybe one of the chaplains that runs retreats can do an individual lesson w/you guys on just the listening stuff???


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## MarineWife

Maybe. We'll have to ask. My dh read a book about marriage communication. He says he's been trying to implement what he read in the book. Could have fooled me.









He said he'll ask the Chaplain about the retreat so I'll tell him to ask about communication classes, too.


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## MovingMomma

I'm going to vent a bit.









I am SO sick of being stuck in the deployment cycle! In DH's field, they generally do 3 yrs w/a deployable unit and then 3 w/a non deployable unit, w/2 deployments during each 3 yrs as deployable.

DH started w/a deployable unit after he lat moved to this field 7 yrs ago & did 2 deployments w/only 5 months home between. Then he went over to a non deployable unit but it wasn't a PSC move and he only stayed 15 months there. He came back to the same deployable unit on someone's promise that if he came back early he'd be on a MEU instead of in Iraq, but that guy reneged and he went to Iraq after all. Then he got a decent stretch of 21 months at home, though 6 of those he was gone 2/3rds of the time for MEU workups.

Just before he deployed this time (Jan? Feb?) he both reenlisted and put in a WO package, saying he didn't think that would really effect where he'd go next, that he'd still be due for a non-deployable. And now he's home and his first day back at work he comes home to tell me that actually, odds are that he'll have to do another 3 yrs deployable after WOBC, and odds are he'll do another MEU right off the bat (which is good for safety reasons, but bad b/c MEU's are more like 12m deployments than 6/7m deployments).







So now we're looking at spending basically a total of 11 yrs in a row w/deployable units (and really probably the same unit the whole time) instead of 3 on 3 off and I AM JUST SO SICK OF IT!!!

Counting deployments alone, not training time, he's been gone for over 1/4 of our girls' lives. If we add in training then it's more like 2/3rds approaching 1/2. THIS SUCKS.

He's already decided he's not pulling his WO package (if he did, we'd go to a non-deployable for sure). But he's giving me veto power on that decision. Which is not fair!







I can't do that to him, but if we decided together we might come to a different conclusion.









I'm not doing well at holding things together. I'm burnt out and I need a break!!!

We'll jump on absolutely any duty station as long as it's non-deployable, and I'm planning on moving back home for the next deployment (something I _never_ thought I'd do. We own our home. I'm involved in the community. We'd have to buy or rent something back home; there isn't room with any of our family). But really, these "solutions" are just grasping at straws.


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## MarineWife

Aw, Shannon ~







I don't know that I have any words of comfort or anything other than to say that I know how that feels. If I add up all the time dh has been away in the last 7 years with deployments and training and work-ups, it's more than he's been home.

My dh's new unit is not supposed to deploy now for 2 years. Yay! But then he tells me that once he's selected for major he'll be prime pickings for an IA because they like to take new Majors before they've had any other work experience as a Major. That means he could be picked for an IA as early as December/January. He's going to try to quickly get assigned to something (can't remember what he called it now) that will make him less likely to be picked but we all know how that goes. No guarantees.

On top of that, he's already been gone for a week since he checked in. He told me last night that he'll be gone for a week at the end of this month. He should be home for all of September. He'll be gone for 2 weeks in October and then a month from mid-November to mid-December. Then it will be time to worry about the IA stuff.

I hate it when my dh leaves decisions like that completely up to me. It isn't fair. He probably feels the same as you do but on the opposite end. Just like you don't want to veto what you know he wants, he doesn't want to force you into something he knows you don't want. Do you guys have some time to think about all of this before he's locked into anything?


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## MaerynPearl

GRR darn military.

It looks like if I don't have Mae next week... I'm going to be facing a lot of disappointment.
And if I do... I'm still going to be disappointed.

My brother gets done with AIT at the end of September and thus his October wedding has been pushed up to the end of September. There is no way I can fly home with a newborn less than a month old and myself still recovering from her birth. My DD and DS are ring bearer and flower girl and my DH will have to be in the wedding if its before the first weekend in October so they will all be flying home for it... leaving me and Mae home alone (for only a weekend but I really wanted to go!)

This is the brother that had to miss DH and my wedding because he was at basic training, but his Fiancee came and I appreciated that immensely but still wish he could have been there... he was like my twin growing up... 1 1/2 years apart but we were the only two that shared parents so we went EVERYWHERE together.

Plus, if I have her after Sept 2nd, DH will have problems with his field op... and may not get his PTAD until he comes back from it. but if I have her on or before Sept 2nd he has to go on the field op as he will already be back from PTAD and he will miss an entire week with us, with a newborn baby... and if I don't have her until after her due date, he will be out on his field op when she comes (unless I have her 41 weeks or later, not likely with my history) and there's no guarantee that he will make it home from the field before she makes it here, since I have a possibility for a very very quick labor.

The ONLY bright spot being his mother has already told us, when Mae comes, she will be too. And if she could, she would be on her way the moment she knows Mae is on her way (but that's not really possible as she has to get everything ready for her other teachers to run the gym while shes gone, make sure FIL is taken care of and such)

So IF DH has to go on that field op, I will have her here to help out.

Yep. Sept. 26th. Crap. Mae, you need to be hurrying. If shes not here by Aug 30th Im going to start giving her a natural eviction notice (sex, nipple stimulation, walking... no castor oil I will NOT resort to that)


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## michelleklu

Just popping to ask if anyone else read the Military Spouse article Should You Vaccinate? by Rachel Howard-Collins. It took me by surprise because I bought the magazine for the article on when communication with a deployed spouse can be too much. Sadly that article was a flop as well.

The vaccine article wasn't terribly offensive but I wrote a draft that I was thinking of sending the editor or even posting in the discussion section of Military Spouse magazine's Facebook page. Can I link to my blog? Its awfully long. http://nurturingfamily.blogspot.com/


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## Sarah W

So, we found out last weekend that I am pg! My EDD (right now) is 26 Apr.

I was in Vegas for a GTG and DH and DD were there, hanging out with his family. My boobs were really sore so I thought AF was going to show up early. I tested before I went because a friend made a comment and I was paranoid, but it was neg. While DH was at the store, I asked him to pick up a couple of pg tests for me. I took one the next morning and it was immediate.


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## ~Katie~

Congratulations, Sarah!


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## MaerynPearl

Woo hoo congrats!


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## gagin37

Congrats! I'm due on 4/21!


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## lilmamabrown

Hi, I'm new to the thread. Hubby (USAR) is getting ready to deploy to Iraq, he's leaving Sept. 15th. This is his 3rd deployment and my and my oldest dd's 2nd. We have a 5 mo old dd2. He deployed when dd1 was 10 mos old and returned a month after her 2nd birthday. He has been home since May 2009.

We just found out and haven't told our oldest yet. She had a very difficult time last time. Being my first child, I had no idea how much little babies are able to process!! She was heart broken when he left and we have not completely overcome her trust issues and resentment yet but we are making it work and things are finally starting to feel fluid again. I'm so worried about what this is going to do to her trust. I know much of it depends on my attitude and reminding her that he came back before and everything will be ok. How did you deal with young children going through a second (or more) deployment? For those on active duty, how do you explain to a 3 year old what a soldier is/does? I plan on presenting it as that we are very proud of daddy bc he is going to help people. I want to simplify everything as much as possible. I also plan on asking her for her help supporting her sister emotionally. She loves being my big helper.

Just wondering what you say and what rituals you may have for very young children. For example, when we took my dh to the airport at the end of his leave, I put some of his old dogtags on a pink ribbon for him to give to her and she very rarely took them off until he came home for good.


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## MaerynPearl

my kids were both much older and already used to DH not being around much when he deployed, since we were not living together yet... and he was stationed in ca/nc during the time pre-deployment while we lived in il. They both have a pretty good grasp of what a Marine (DH) or soldier (my brother in AIT) is... of course not the more difficult aspects of it but they have an idea. To explain to them where DH was during deployment and while stationed away from us, we bought a globe and used that to explain it helped that his family lived 6 hours away from us so I could show them... this is where nana and papa live and you know how long it takes us to drive there right? well aaaaaaaaaaaall the way over here is where Dad is!

However, what helped my nephew, who was a bit over a year old when BIL deployed and was 2 when he returned... was a daddy doll. https://www.daddydolls.com/ you can make your own or order from their site... they got him one with a voice box in it so he could still hear daddys voice when he hugged his daddy doll. DH got me a daddy doll for valentines day while he was gone and we are planning on passing it down to our daughter once she is born here in the next few weeks, so she gets used to her daddy doll before daddy has to go away again.

My neighbors husband is off training for deployment to Afghanistan and she made each of her little girls a daddy doll too (homemade, if you want to make your own I can ask her how she did it)


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## MarineWife

We got bears with voice boxes from one of my dh's units once. One really nice thing was a DVD of Daddy reading books to them. We'd watch them every night at bedtime (and any other time the kid(s) wanted to watch it). My younger kids didn't really have much trouble with Daddy coming and going. They missed him while he was gone but understood that he was just away working and would be home as soon as he could be. That's the other thing. I never really go into much detail about what he's doing. I just say he's working. My now 6.5yo started figuring out what Daddy does maybe a year ago but he didn't seem worried about it. He thinks it's cool.

I've had the most difficulty with my oldest ds. He was 13 the first time dh (stepdad since he was 9) deployed. From then until he was at least 17 we had some major adjustment periods right after dh would leave and right after he would come home.

Sarah ~ Congratulations!


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
So, we found out last weekend that I am pg! My EDD (right now) is 26 Apr.

I was in Vegas for a GTG and DH and DD were there, hanging out with his family. My boobs were really sore so I thought AF was going to show up early. I tested before I went because a friend made a comment and I was paranoid, but it was neg. While DH was at the store, I asked him to pick up a couple of pg tests for me. I took one the next morning and it was immediate.

Awesome! Congrats, Sarah







.


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## MommaKitten21

Congrats, Sarah!!!


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## Soul-O

So.. I decided to use the ICE system over the weekend to complain to Garrison command about the "Welcome Home" week that is planned for this week here at Ft Lewis. I mentioned that there were several thousand more soldiers who would be redeploying within the next month, and that it was unfair to them (and their families) that the freebies, concerts, shows etc. would not be available to them. I actually received a nice reply today from the director of MWR stating that there would be another week of "Welcome Home" activities in late October. It's nice when the Army is responsive







.


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## MommaKitten21

yay for a positive response..... that's pretty encouraging!

lilmamabrown- I have a 2 yr old as well, and DH is away training for the next 8-10 months. The best thing I did that has helped tremendously is laminate photo's of just him and his papa. This way, he can carry them wherever he wants, and if they get wet it doesn't matter. The photo's have been everywhere, the car, his bed, the bath (yes seriously!) and the park. He plays peek a boo with the photos, and he always kisses the pictures. It's been really helpful for him to have these.

He hasn't been interested in talking on the phone, and I know that hurts DH, but I don't push him to talk. I have found it's easier for me to engage in a conversation with our son, with the phone on speaker, and DH can hear our son chatting away. It's a good compromise.

I like those hero dolls!!! They are super cute!! I just might have to get one... for myself







ha. just kidding. They should make an XXXL size... ya know, for the bed. Maybe I could just tape a picture of DH to a body pillow? Ok. I'm done now.... don't fault me, I actually got a full night of sleep last night AND a nap today...heh


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
He hasn't been interested in talking on the phone, and I know that hurts DH, but I don't push him to talk. I have found it's easier for me to engage in a conversation with our son, with the phone on speaker, and DH can hear our son chatting away. It's a good compromise.

My middle son was/is like that. He usually doesn't like to talk on the phone to anyone. I do the same thing, put the phone on speaker so everyone can hear everyone else.


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## MaerynPearl

My DD is the same... rarely will she talk on the phone and absolutely never to her bio-dad (which I personally dont mind, since he was never really a part of her life to begin with, even when we lived together. in her eyes DH IS her father.)


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:

He hasn't been interested in talking on the phone, and I know that hurts DH, but I don't push him to talk.
Happens here, too. It sucks! I love the compromise you thought of.


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## MarineWife

Hey, everyone. I just reported the above post as possible spam. I did not click on any of the links and I suggest none of you do, either. (You probably know that, though.)


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## Pirogi

I posted a few weeks ago about trying to get my midwife covered under Tricare Prime. I am the ADSM, and the CNM is an out-of-network Tricare provider. She is leaving the (in-network) obstetric practice to open her own birth center and do home births. There are no in-network CNMs within 74 miles of my home of record (32 CFR 199.17 says that travel time to a specialist shall not exceed 60 minutes if there are out-of-network providers closer). The Tricare Service Center is refusing to allow me to change my referral because there is another (out-of-network!) midwife who works with an OB's office that is in-network about 40 miles away. They are telling me that I have to go through my PCM to get the referral changed, and that I will need medical justification to do so.

So. My question is, do I have the "right" to have a midwife vs an obstetrician? If there is an obstetrician available in-network, can my PCM deny my request for midwifery care due to her out-of-network status? Would her birth center (assuming it is approved under their rules) help me in securing her services?

They always say, you knew what you were getting into when you signed up. That is a load of bull. No one ever told me that I would have my rights as a patient stripped away, that I would have no autonomy over my own body. I may punch the next person who tells me that I am government property in the face.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pirogi* 
So. My question is, do I have the "right" to have a midwife vs an obstetrician? If there is an obstetrician available in-network, can my PCM deny my request for midwifery care due to her out-of-network status? Would her birth center (assuming it is approved under their rules) help me in securing her services?

Basically, no, you don't not have a right to have midwifery care. And yes, they can deny your request for a referral. Even if you were not the ADM, if you have TC Prime, your request for a referral to an out-of-network care provider of any kind could be denied. The way it works is that the doctor or MTF can deny your request if they believe they can provide you with adequate care even if it's not the care you want.

That's what happened to me when I was pregnant with ds2 in Hawaii. At that time, even with TC Standard, I was required to get all of my maternity care at a MTF. I requested authorization from the MTF to see a civilian midwife but was denied because the docs at the MTF said they could provide me with the care I needed. At least as a dependent, you have the choice of using the Prime POS option without a referral. It has a large deductible and 50% copay but it's better than nothing.

I think as an ADM you have even less choice. I don't think ADMs can use the Prime POS option. You would have to pay completely out of pocket. And, honestly, I can see you getting into trouble if you went against orders and saw a CNM rather than whomever you were referred to that has nothing to do with TriCare.


----------



## Pirogi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I think as an ADM you have even less choice. I don't think ADMs can use the Prime POS option. You would have to pay completely out of pocket. And, honestly, I can see you getting into trouble if you went against orders and saw a CNM rather than whomever you were referred to that has nothing to do with TriCare.

I spoke with a supervisor at Tricare's Beneficiary Services 800 number yesterday who told me that I DO have the option of using the POS option, but she said that there may be military repercussions for that. Not sure how that would work ... DoD writes Tricare policy. If I am allowed as ADSM to use the POS option, then I don't see how they could punish me for it. Anyways, I found in 32 CFR 199.17(3):

Quote:

Point of Service option. TRICARE Prime enrollees retain the freedom to obtain services from civilian providers on a point-of-service basis. In such cases, all requirements applicable to standard CHAMPUS shall apply, except that there shall be higher deductible and cost sharing requirements (as set forth in paragraphs (m)(1)(i) and (m)(2)(i) of this section).
There is no other reference in this CFR section to who may use the POS option, only what is means for referrals (don't need one) and cost (you pay extra).

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
And, honestly, I can see you getting into trouble if you went against orders and saw a CNM rather than whomever you were referred to that has nothing to do with TriCare.

I wonder about this. If I have shadow care with an in-network or ob, whatever, and pay out of pocket for a legal midwife, then could I get into trouble? Assuming of course that anyone ever found out.


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## Soul-O

Has anyone been to the USO/Sesame Street Experience show? It's here today and tomorrow, so I was planning to take my two younger DSs (ages 4 and 2.5). I'd like to know if it's fast paced enough to keep their attention, and whether or not the content is age appropriate.

Thanks!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pirogi* 
I wonder about this. If I have shadow care with an in-network or ob, whatever, and pay out of pocket for a legal midwife, then could I get into trouble? Assuming of course that anyone ever found out.

I don't really know. I was told when I did shadow care with an OB practice that TC paid for that I should be careful. If TC found out they were paying for care while I was paying for dual care completely out of pocket, they could require me to reimburse them for the OB care.

That's interesting about ADMs being able to use the Prime POS option. I have always been under the impression that ADMs were, technically, not covered by TC. You just get your medical care taken care of. I guess if that's what you were told by a TC rep, then you can do it. If that's the case, you couldn't legally get into trouble for doing it.


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## MovingMomma

Soul-O: Yes! It's Sesame Street! It's definitely geared towards preschoolers.







A little dialog, but mostly singing and dancing. Your experience will vary based on your location. At ours, the seating was all on one level so the kids couldn't see very well, but they still loved it.


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## MaerynPearl

So... maybe odd question?

DH enlisted in 2002... got out in 2006, rejoined in 2007... a 9 month time out... during which he was inactive reserve...

Does that 9 month gap still count towards when his base pay increases? (AKA... should he become 8 years at 8 years since 2002 enlistment date, or 8 years plus the 9 month gap since 2002 enlistment ?)

He will be working on getting it figured out tomorrow at work, but was wondering if anyone has experience and would actually know the answer?


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
Soul-O: Yes! It's Sesame Street! It's definitely geared towards preschoolers.







A little dialog, but mostly singing and dancing. Your experience will vary based on your location. At ours, the seating was all on one level so the kids couldn't see very well, but they still loved it.

Thanks for the feedback, Shannon! We just returned from the show. It was fun, fast-paced, and definitely interactive. The show was in our post movie theater, so all seats had a good view. However, no one thought to turn on the a/c in there - whew, was it hot! I got some good photos out of it as well







.

AFM - I saw the "Welcome Home" banner for my DH's BN on the fence by the airfield on my way home from the show. Homecoming is soon!


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## MarineWife

Tabitha ~







for homecoming soon!

Perogi ~ I asked my dh and he said he has no idea what you can do. Sorry I can't be more help.


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## lilmamabrown

Those daddy dolls are so sweet! I love that idea! And I agree, I think I want a giant one for MY bed lol. That site had an indepth "seperation suggestions" page, better than I've read anywhere else. Some other great ideas as well, thank you so much.

I'll probably be here a lot in a few weeks when he leaves. Nice to know there are others out there to talk to


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## MarineWife

Ugh, y'all! Can I just tell you how much things have stunk lately? My dh hasn't been home before 8 pm for 3 nights in a row. Even when he gets home early it's not until 7-7:30. It is now quarter after 8 on a Friday night and he's still not home yet. He's going to the field Monday so he'll probably spend the entire weekend getting ready for that. So much for any family time.









On another note, he's been asked by first the XO and then his CO if I want to be the Family Readiness Advisor for his battery. Apparently, it wasn't enough for him to just say that I had other obligations. He had to go into some kind of explanation about how my personality isn't conducive for that sort of thing. He felt compelled to tell his CO that I want to be involved on a case by case basis but I'm not good at making commitments like that. WTH? Did he really have to tell this guy all of that? Seriously?!


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## MaerynPearl

wow.... husbands...









makes you wonder what (if anything) was going through his head!


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## EdnaMarie

Dear God, MW! That's awful. For my part, I have been in a terrible funk, losing weight, I don't know what's wrong with me, anyway, under a lot of stress and today DH asked me to do something for his mom. Long story short, he said, "Do this for mom," and I heard, "You aren't doing anything so here's something else for you to do," and it started a huge argument and he walked out and said he couldn't take it anymore.







He does this often. Not big on forgiveness--he says I do stuff on purpose. Everyone, really... to him, only he can make mistakes repeatedly. Everyone else is on the hook. Sigh. I wish he would just get over it. I apologized!


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
On another note, he's been asked by first the XO and then his CO if I want to be the Family Readiness Advisor for his battery. Apparently, it wasn't enough for him to just say that I had other obligations. He had to go into some kind of explanation about how my personality isn't conducive for that sort of thing. He felt compelled to tell his CO that I want to be involved on a case by case basis but I'm not good at making commitments like that. WTH? Did he really have to tell this guy all of that? Seriously?!

Ugh.. diarrhea of the mouth! Way to get your spouse labeled for the duration of your time in the battery







.


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## Sarah W

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Thanks for the feedback, Shannon! We just returned from the show. It was fun, fast-paced, and definitely interactive. The show was in our post movie theater, so all seats had a good view. However, no one thought to turn on the a/c in there - whew, was it hot! I got some good photos out of it as well







.

AFM - I saw the "Welcome Home" banner for my DH's BN on the fence by the airfield on my way home from the show. Homecoming is soon!

I wanted to take DD to this! I was tasked out as a family escort for a court martial we did over the week.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sarah W* 
I wanted to take DD to this! I was tasked out as a family escort for a court martial we did over the week.

Wow.. I think the Sesame Street show was probably a lot more fun than acting as a family escort for a court martial! Hope everything went well.


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## Soul-O

So.. I thought all of you could relate to this..

Our neighborhood had 80% of spouses deployed over the past year. As it stands now, all of the spouses are back, EXCEPT for mine and my good friend's (her DH is the chaplain for our unit, so he'll be in the last group to return). Yesterday, as I was returning from an outing with my little guys, I saw a convoy of busses full of returning soldiers heading towards the rendezvous point with their families. I knew that many of the soldiers there were from our unit. I just lost it - started crying so hard I could barely see to drive etc. The crying continued on and off until I went to bed last night. I think the pent up frustrations of spending a year apart from DH are hitting hard now that homecoming is soon and almost everyone around me has his/her spouse home from deployment. A lot has happened this year - miscarriage, illness, court battles with exDH, another pregnancy with the possibility of complications, dealing with the kids' reactions to the deployment, etc. Being pregnant really doesn't help in the emotional department anyhow







.

Any suggestions for getting through that last push towards homecoming?

Have a great week!


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## MaerynPearl

I cant help... I didn't have anything that helped me, even having a countdown to his return. I think really the best thing for you is to let yourself cry because that's a lot of strong feelings that need let out!


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## MarineWife

Tabitha. I don't have any great words of wisdom, either. The last few weeks/days can be the hardest because you are so close and yet still so far away.


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## MovingMomma

Tabitha:







If you have long enough, going out of town can be helpful. Or just fun day trips.

Does anyone know about passports? DH has an official passport but needs an a regular one for personal travel. I'm usually great w/finding info like this online, but I can't for the life of me figure out if he can apply for a renewal or if he
has to apply as a first time applicant.


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## Soul-O

Thanks, MW and MP. It's just nice to commiserate with others who know how military life works and how long-term separations feel. A few months back, I remember feeling like I'd really joined the veterans club when I cared for all four kids through a stomach bug while having morning sickness myself, and didn't think a thing of it!


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## EdnaMarie

I'm sorry. That is so tough.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Thanks, MW and MP. It's just nice to commiserate with others who know how military life works and how long-term separations feel. A few months back, I remember feeling like I'd really joined the veterans club when I cared for all four kids through a stomach bug while having morning sickness myself, and didn't think a thing of it!

both of my local friends here have told me how much they appreciate having me around because hubby just ended his deployment in Iraq in December so I still have a fresh idea of what they are about to go through (both of their husbands are about to deploy to Afghanistan for a large portion of next year)








that support and knowing you aren't alone and you aren't the only one going through it/who has ever gone through it is SO much help. So don't feel ever like you are whining here if you just need to vent about it... we understand!

Having that friend, even if its just one friend, whose husband is still gone too... that will probably be your biggest help though. Just try to keep being there for her after your hubby gets home if hers is still there!


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## MarineWife

Shannon ~ I don't know anything about passports.


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## MaerynPearl

oh also... i might be in labor









so uh... hoping next post includes pictures of baby Mae


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
oh also... i might be in labor









so uh... hoping next post includes pictures of baby Mae

wooooo hooo!!














thinking of you!!


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## MarineWife

Exciting news, Mae!


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## Soul-O

Go Mae, Go!!!!!

ELV to you







.


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## MaerynPearl

well if this is real labor its been going on around 24 hours now. Not getting better and verrrrrrrry slowly getting worse.

To the point that its REALLY uncomfortable right now, but its still not fullblown labor. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.


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## MarineWife

Hang in there, Mae. Is your midwife ready to come? What did she say about it? Is there anything you need?


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## gagin37

Good Luck!!!


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## Carolina Kel

Go Mae Go!









After finding out there is a 3 week wait to get in at Womack, I've decided to go with a civilian provider out here in Fort Bragg. Any of you fabulous mamas have any suggestions of awesome OB's to go to in the Fayetteville area? Please PM me







Thanks, mamas









Thankfully, we're hopefully going to be PCS'ing to Lewis around Christmas, and I can finish up with my previous OB who was AWESOME!


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## MaerynPearl

both midwives are on standby... have been since around this time yesterday.

things are definitely still progressing but at a snail speed. currently FINALLY getting some pressure down below during contractions. Hoping thats a good sign. If this keeps up Im going to be calling them soon.


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## Soul-O

I'll be thinking of you, Mae, and sending faster labor vibes your way!

AFM - had an attitude adjustment yesterday in the form of my 4yr old DS requesting to plant new flowers in the front yard to get ready for Daddy. So, a trip to Lowes (10% military discount BTW!) and a little manual labor later, we have some lovely new asters and daisies in our flower beds. The sunshine helped as well. Thanks everyone for the hugs and the pep talks. I think we can power through until DH comes home.


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## MaerynPearl

oh that is awesome!

maybe your DS will be your biggest help to get through!


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## MaerynPearl

Today... I am thankful.

That my husband was smart enough to not buy a bunch of perishables when he went grocery shopping last night (just in case...) Worst comes to worst I have to eat my entire carton of ice cream in one night, lest it melt. Not gonna break my heart!

Of course, I'm hoping for the best, the storm blows east early and never even grazes us... but I live less than 4 miles (straight) from the outer banks.

I was thankful that my midwives appointment was today and not tomorrow, but they are at a birth today (so I'm jealous... lol) and I hope they don't schedule it for tomorrow!


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## Soul-O

Take care, and batten down the hatches, Mae! However, I secretly think it would be cool to give birth during a hurricane







.


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## MovingMomma

I dunno, Mae, at least you've got great odds of having that baby by Friday morning!









Tabitha, playing the dirt is also good for mood. It's the microbes or something, and it really does work! I'm glad you're feeling better!


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## MarineWife

Babies do seem to like to come during adverse weather conditions. Must have something to do with atmospheric pressure.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Babies do seem to like to come during adverse weather conditions. Must have something to do with atmospheric pressure.

All the research Ive done says pretty much that. A large change in barometric pressure is usually accompanied by an increase of spontaneous labor within 24 hours.

Women at highest risk of being thrown into labor are those who are within 2 weeks of their due dates (I will be 38w2d tomorrow, with baby #3 no less!) and those that are high risk.

Im heading out to go rearrange our garage so DH can pull his car in tonight.

Probably a bad idea on my part but I am either nesting or this hurricane potential has me seriously on edge!


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## hdeering

To all the Air Force wives out there, are overseas assignments supposed to be coming out today? Has anyone heard anything? I'm getting impatient and just thought I'd see.


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## ~Katie~

New thread!!!


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