# Three year old having trouble with Transitions at preschool



## tilly2321 (Apr 12, 2002)

I had to meet with the director of our preschool today and it was just awful. I am almost 38 weeks pregnant, we just moved in June to a new state, DH started a new job, and my little guy was diagnosed with Juvenile arthritis this week (after lots of extensive testing). I have tried explaining all of the changes that have gone on his life and the teacher keeps telling me, that he is "disruptive" and won't sit for snack unless he is asked repeatedly. Yes, he tunes people out when he doesn't want to do something he doesn't want to do, but don't all kids sometimes? we have a very carefree home environment, mainly because I don't want to stress him out due to all of the changes. The teacher told me he has difficulty making transitions. If he is playing with trains, he doesn't want to switch to listening to a story. If he is on the playground, he doesn't want to come in. Could this be ADD? the teacher watched him all of three or four days for two and a half hours and is telling me to evaluate him? What the heck? Should I be worried or just cut him some slack? I am definitely switching preschools since I am not impressed, but now she has gotten me worried. DS turned 3 at the end of May. He went to preschool last year and I never got any kind of complaints from his teacher, but this year's new teacher tells me "there are higher expectations of a three year old than a two and a half year old." What would the signs of attention problems be in a three year old anyhow?
Thanks,
E


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## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

I can't give you an expert opinion or anything of course, but I can honestly tell you that if a teacher told me to get me kid evaluated after only knowing him/her for a few days, hours even, I would be seriously bent out of shape. In fact, said teacher just might get a bit of








To be perfectly honest with you, I think this teacher expects way too much from a three-year old, especially one who has done so much transitioning lately as yours. I would totally tell this teacher to go kick some rocks. Maybe you could find a better school, one that doesn't think that 3 year olds are old enough to be considered to have ADD. That's absurd. I'm sorry you've come across a teacher like this; perhaps she is new to dealing with young children. Good Luck


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## OTMomma (Aug 12, 2003)

My dd is also 3, and has difficulties with transitioning, she always has. I am very sure there is nothing "wrong" with her, and we suspect she is gifted. She just wants to focus on what she's doing, and doesn't like to be hurried.

For us, I've made the choice to not send dd to preschool so far, because I fear she would have difficulties with teachers like that one. If you have the option, I would consider letting your dc stay home and just be as he adjusts to all these changes in his life. Preschool isn't necessary. JMHO

Peace,
Laura


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

How can he have ADD when he doesn't want to change activities? It sounds like he must have a great attention span for what he is interested in!


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## lilsishomemade (Feb 12, 2005)

I agree with 4evermom. My stepson can sit down and watch a 1 1/2 hour movie and then summarize it pretty accurately. But, because he gets bored in school, his teacher and mom dope him up with ADD meds. Some people have no thought process. I would look into either a different teacher or possibly letting him stay home, at least until everything gets back to "normal".


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## mammastar2 (Dec 17, 2004)

How frustrating!

It sounds like they're very invested in being the "expert" about other people's kids, who because of their superior expertise can size them up instantaneously, unlike their woefully untrained parents, who are somehow unable to tweak to their children's true natures over the 3+ years they've spent with them.

Whatever.

It sounds like you're very in tune with your son and what's going on in his life right now for him - maybe he's a little scattered, and he doesn't like to be moved along the preschool classroom conveyer belt when he's absorbed in a task, which makes their lives a bit more challenging.

I would have reacted the same as you.


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## MountainLovinMama (Mar 11, 2004)

I would be looking for other preschool options. To suggest testing so quickly, and in light of the other changes going on for your ds, sounds very unsupportive. Sure, some kids may benefit from a professional evaluation when they exhibit certain behaviors and tendencies...but to assert, after three days, that a THREE YEAR OLD child going through all sorts of other changes needs to be evaluated for ADD is crazy, IMHO.

Have you considered a Montessori program? My dd has been in Montessori since she was 2.5 years, and, while I know there are many different faces of Montessori, reading your post it occured to me that your son might be a good fit if you were to find a good Montessori school that you liked near you. The things that stuck out to me that made me think of that are: Montessori follows a philospohy of "following the child"; the child's activity and focus are seen as very important, and during the "work cycle", kids are allowed to pursue any activity in the room that they want, for as long as they want. Trains are not part of the Montessori curriculum, but if there were trains, or if your son were likewise focused on something else, he would not be interrupted and the teachers would feel that he was practicing something important to his development through his focus. Snack is available, and kids can go have snack when they are hungry - if they are invested in some other activity, they are not forced to stop and go to the snack table because it is "Snack Time". Just a few thoughts. Good luck finding something that is a better fit for your dc.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

What they all said (I especially like the suggestion to tell that teacher to go 'kick some rocks'!). Your boy sounds perfectly normal and that teacher sounds rigid and wrong. I'm thinking about the co-op preschool my boy attends and how gentle and accomodating the teacher is. There are always kids who don't want to sit for snack, and she asks if they aren't hungry and if they want to go dance to some music instead. There are always kids who don't want to transition from free play to story time, and she gets them excited about helping clean up. You are definitely in the wrong school! (if there is a co-op system where you live, you might want to check it out. We love ours, and it is so much more affordable, too...)

Good luck. Sorry that teacher made you worry about your boy.


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

ITA with the other posters that the teacher has really high expectations and that your child sounds normal.

I did want to say however, that one of the signs of ADD is an extremely *long* attention span (like tuning everything else out) to certain things and an inability to pay attention to other things. So just because a child is capable of watching an entire movie doesn't mean that he/she doesn't have ADD. But of course, ADD is often diagnosed when it isn't the case, and the child is just active, or as a PP mentioned, bored or gifted.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

my dd had trouble transitioning untill we finally found a good ps. over night even her behav. issues at home changed drastically for the better. if u dont ifnd a good match for him can u maybe hire a teenager to entertain him while u take care of the new baby.


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

you gotta be kidding me! Your kid isn't even three yet, and she's suggesting tests to see what "problem" he has?!! I'd be sooooo mad....














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It sounds like she's the one with the problem, expecting way too much out of a toddler, for crying out loud, not to mention all the changes in his life recently! I'd write some letters. I'd calmly think about what I wanted to say, and I'd send her one and cc her boss. I'd ask her for her child behavioral psychology credentials - LOL. And I'd let them know why I was switching to a different preschool or rather, I'm sure I would consider keeping him at home at least while all these changes are going on. It's going to get worse before it gets better, what with a baby nearly here, and he would certainly benefit from some one on one time with mommy. If you haven't yet, get a copy of Raising Your Spirited Child. There is an entire chapter about children who have difficulty with transitions.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

I agree with everyone. That's ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous.

You have to realize that there are a lot of folks working with kids who know squat. Sometimes all it takes to be a preschool teacher is a desire not want to work at McD's. If you ever saw teacher applicants I've interviewed in my life, you would cry. I might not hire them, but other preschools do. You wouldn't believe the 'experiened' teachers I've met. Currently, I have a relative who is vice principal at a private school. You do not want to know her lack of training & education. When this person talks about her work with kids to me at family gatherings, I want to hang myself.

Do *you* have worries about your child, when you are home in your own space?


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OTMomma*
Preschool isn't necessary. JMHO

Unless, of course, you just happen to have a job and small children or some other need for childcare...

I agree with others that it sounds like the teacher is rushing to judgement at the least and being totally unreasonable at worst. I've read that you can't even really diagnose ADD until after age 5. I would probably take your concern to the director of the school and work from there. Since you have found other factors that make you dislike the school, you may want to find one that is a better fit. But, be aware that changing schools is a big deal for a little kid (I did it to my son, I'm not sure it was worth it). Given the rest of the changes in his life, you might want to stick this out for a bit and try to work with the teacher and director or have him change teachers but not schools, if that is possible.


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## tilly2321 (Apr 12, 2002)

Had my Ds evaluated after all of the chaos with the teacher. I was just worried and thought "what if there really is something wrong?" The neuro-developmental pediatrican did a two hour assessment and said Ds was extremely bright and so what if he has trouble sitting for story, etc.. He is only three and probably bored. He ruled out all kinds of things that I was worried about (fine motor delays, etc..) and PDD-nos. sometimes DS gets really excited and I thought maybe his movements were similar to stimming that autistic kids do. I only thought this because the teacher said his movements were sometimes "weird." The ped thought that was so off target and said teachers have to be really careful when they talk to parents because they can NOT diagnose children and don't have the expertise to make any kind of evaluations. They can simply mention problems that they notice. Our teacher was just awful about things! She didn't even seem willing to work with us. we decided in spite of everything, we should switch him since it is not fair to him to stay in a situation where he is going to be "labeled" as the problem or difficult child. Our regular ped agreed with us and told us to pull him out. we start a new preschool tomorrow and I am hoping that things will go differently. It's been such a hard week. i am glad that we had him evaluated though. At least I can tell the other teacher that she was WAY off base. She acted as if his behavior was abnormal and from what the expert of 20+ years said, he is totally normal and her expectations are off the mark.
Thanks all for everyone's advice,
elle


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## mammastar2 (Dec 17, 2004)

Good for you! Glad to hear things are looking up, and it sounds like you totally made the right choice.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

I'm glad you had your boy assessed, just to ease your worries. Plus, now you can tell that teacher the results. I hope the new school goes well.


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## lilsishomemade (Feb 12, 2005)

Good, I'm glad you had him looked at. Perhaps have the doctor write a letter saying she was way off base????







Okay, I can be spiteful, I guess, but it would have made me mad had someone told me that. I'm glad you're going to look for a different school.


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