# very angry with family after loss-vent



## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Hi all,

My baby died at 14 weeks and I delivered the baby Thursday. It was rough to say the least. I know most of you can relate here. I am very very very sad, even though I have three beautiful children to look at, the grief I feel is very real and I am just sad. My milk came in today, it is really painful, I have no baby to nurse, etc.

My mom has sucked throughout the entire experience. I thought she would be there for me. She went to work, never even understood what the procedure was like to bring this child out of the womb, has no clue at all. Her aunt died last week and she acts like it was the worst thing in the world. She cries all the time and our aunt was 89 years old. She had an AWESOME life! My husband and sister feel she should be much moreupset about her grandchild passing away before he/she ever took a breath.

Would you be angry? I am at the point that I just do not even want to talk to my mom. Also, my FIL and BIL sent me a basket and flowers. When I told my mom that, she wa like, "I can't talk to you right now". Whatever. She has really been rotten with the entire process.

Thanks if you read all of this. You seem like the only people I can talk to at this point.

Hugs and Prayers,


----------



## fenwickmama (Aug 30, 2004)

:


----------



## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

, oh dear I am SOOOOO sorry. Sometimesfamily can be so insensitive. No one said anything about Alexis' birthday when she turned one.







:


----------



## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

I can somewhat relate. My mother helped out at my house while I was in the hospital birthing my baby, and for the two weeks afterwards that I was still in the hospital, she did the kids laundry and grocery shopped for my husband. But when it came time for me to have emotions about it or want to talk, she wanted nothing to do with me. Did NOT understand why we would name a baby that didn't have a chance.

Last week I had a rough week, emotionally. Crying all the time, literally, for about 6 days. Her response on the second day was that my DH needed to take me to the ER. WTH? My mom just doesn't do emotions and I've had to come to a point where I understand and accept or drive myself nuts.

So I have no sage words of wisdom. All I know is that in the 8 weeks since my daughter was born, some people that I barely knew have really come through for me, and some people that I really counted on ran.

Again, lots of hugs and prayers to you.


----------



## Finding Serenity (Aug 10, 2005)

Hugs Mama, stay strong!


----------



## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Hugs mama,







Those who haven't gone through it have no idea the pain of leaving a hospital empty-handed after giving birth. Some people just aren't that great dealing with their own and other's grief. I would write a letter telling her how much you are hurting and missing your child and how much you need her right now. Let her know that you want someone to talk to that misses and grieves for your little one too. If she's too caught-up in grieving for her aunt she might be blinded by that.

It is so difficult for others to understand, especially compared to the death of a woman who lived so many years. Her aunt touched lives and that is what people see, when a baby dies we grieve for all those lost years. The years our child would have made friends, had babies of their own and lived life to the fullest. Tell your Mom that.

Sorry I seemed to ramble on, I tend to do that every now and then.


----------



## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss
and I'm sorry your Mom is not able to support you during this
horribly difficult time.


----------



## littlecityfarmer (Apr 27, 2004)

s


----------



## robertsmama (Jan 20, 2007)

No words of wisdom, just lots of







. I am so, SO sorry for your loss.


----------



## MamaTink (Aug 17, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear about your recent loss Mama!! Sounds like your mother is in the midst of her own grief and does not want to face this most recent loss. It seems easier for her to ignore it right now. I know she feels your pain, and I am so sorry she is not showing it and supporting you right now. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

You're both grieving right now. Losing a beloved aunt isn't "better" or "worse" than losing a baby before birth- both losses are very real.

It's OK to feel whatever it is that you're feeling- but try not to hold anything against your mother right now. She's lost in her own pain and can't be there for you right now.


----------



## normajean (Oct 21, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss, and I understand what you mean about being angry at insensitive people. Hang in there.


----------



## dkenagy (Jun 25, 2004)

I couldn't read and not reply. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My mother, who is very non-emotional, was crying when I told her I was bleeding and heading to the hospital, before we even knew for sure the baby was gone. My sister on the other hand, who had recently spent weeks going 45-minutes back and forth to see a girl from church was was in the hospital on bedrest (but who delivered her babe at just 27w and brought her home before her EDD!), didn't even call when she heard that I had m/c. I talked to hear 3 days later when she called to ask me the lyrics to an old song. She basically ignored me for a few weeks and is now trying to act like nothing happened. I'm personally too emotionally drained (and focusing on having a healthy pgncy this time) to confront her and to take her burdens on me right now. I'm just saddened and surprised at all she went through to help a "friend" (a manipulative backstabber who calls only when she needs something) and she couldn't even pick up the phone to say, "I'm sorry" to her own sister. ???

I think sometimes people don't know what to say or do, so they do nothing.


----------



## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

I am angry at the world right now so to ask would I be angry the answer is a resounding yes.


----------



## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Hugs to you.........I didn't have the best situation with some of my family either, although it wasn't my mother.

I know it doesn't excuse the behavior, but I found that after confronting my MIL & SIL after they ignored our first miscarriage, they were suffering terribly and just didn't have the strength to talk to me about it. In fact, during our confrontation, DH & I were comforting them because they hadn't really dealt with the grief and now it was overwhelming them.

Maybe your Mom is so grief-stricken that she's just shutting down.


----------



## PrayinFor12 (Aug 25, 2007)

Can't really fix anything for you. But I want you to know you're not the only one. The kindest response we got from any family member was my mom saying "I'm so sorry...my pantry blah blah blah." Our friends really surprised us by being there. You'll never know who'll step up to give support. Hang in there.


----------

