# meltdown every time we come inside...



## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

DS is on the floor rolling around in the throes of a total fit as I type. This happens every day once or twice when it is time to come in from playing outside. I try to give him a warning, you know, 5 minutes until we go in, one more time on the slide, but now when I even do the warning he throws himself to the ground in a rage. Is this something he'll grow out of, a stage? I don't want to take him outside anymore, which is his favorite thing to do, since it always results in a complete freak-out when we come in. Anyone else had a similar experience? I know I've seen other parents carrying their toddlers out of the park kicking and screaming....


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## Ahava (Jul 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heatherweh* 
Anyone else had a similar experience? I know I've seen other parents carrying their toddlers out of the park kicking and screaming....









Right here! DS would be outside 24/7 if he could. The best thing I have found that works for us is to have something to do inside immediately read to get him occupied...either helping me make dinner, reading a book, eating a snack, etc... But sometimes nothing helps.


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## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

Oh yeah, today I picked him up to bring him inside and he slapped me across the face- hard. It was a complete shock. He went right to the time out spot, I tried to explain to him over his hollering that we do not hit mommy when we're angry and he can come out of the time-out spot when he's calm. After about 5 minutes I went and picked him up and gave him some sorbet....


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## sewaneecook (Nov 1, 2005)

DS throws a fit when it is time to come inside. Usually the promise of reading one of his favorite books or playing with one of his favorite indoor toys helps ease the transition.


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## stacyann21 (Oct 21, 2006)

Quote:

Right here! DS would be outside 24/7 if he could.
Ditto, LOL. I don't have any suggestions. My son throws tantrums a lot. When it's time to come inside, get out of the bath, get into the car etc.


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## TefferTWH (May 13, 2008)

We were getting this often until we started setting an egg timer on the way out. So while we're getting shoes and jackets on, I say something to the affect of when it's time to leave, Mommy's going to set a timer and when the bell goes off we go right inside, no fits. I ask him to pause in play when I set the timer, remind him of the positive behavior I expect and tell him what we'll do when we get inside (eat a snack, play with Thomas trains, whatever). If he does meltdown, I make no big deal of it and go inside and proceed with whatever I said we were going to do like he's not really losing his little mind. I'd say it's cut tantrums down dramatically, because his biggest complaint was being pulled away from something he enjoyed doing with no warning. At least that's what he's told us himself.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stacyann21* 
Ditto, LOL. I don't have any suggestions. My son throws tantrums a lot. When it's time to come inside, get out of the bath, get into the car etc.

Same here.


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## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

This may be totally unpopular, and I might get flamed for it, but...

If it were me, I would simply not allow him to go outside. I would explain to him that his behavior is not acceptable, and we will not go outside if he is going to have a huge meltdown every time we have to go in. I would let him know that when he thinks he can come back inside without tantrumming, then we can go outside. FWIW, I think some protesting is perfectly normal and acceptable. Of course small children are going protest when a big person tries to transition them into a new activity and they aren't ready. I'd protest too. But, there is a difference between protesting and having a huge raging meltdown (I have 4 children, believe me, I've seen both). It is a good time to start teaching them to use words to express themselves (a work-in-progress sort of thing, doesn't happen overnight!).

I think you can choose words that allow you to frame it however you want, but for me, the bottom line is you aren't going to have that privilege (whatever it is: going to the store, playing at the park, whatever) if you have huge raging tantrums when it's time to do something else. We have 6 people to consider in our family, and one person doesn't get to control the rest through his /her emotions.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

What I try to do is talk up what we're going to do when we get inside - and usually make sure there's a snack, water, nursing, something to eat or drink. Like "Hey, let's go see Papa in a couple minutes! Two more turns on the slide, then we'll go see Papa!" (Or, have a snack, brush your teeth, take a bath, "Let's go see Mickey (the cat)" is a popular one, too.

She hates being torn away from something fun, and outside, to just go inside. But if there's something to *do* inside, something fun to look forward to, she's usually OK.

My DD has always had a hard time with transitions, but this works for now. She's 20 mo. And, sometimes, you just have to bribe her with a goldfish cracker to get in her carseat. If that gets her in the carseat without a huge struggle, fine by me.

And yeah, I was the one carrying my screaming toddler off the playground equipment Wednesday. It was raining, the playground is all metal bars and platforms, and it was too stinking cold to be out there anyways, even in her jacket. Man, was she POed. No picnic for me either.


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## HappiLeigh (Mar 30, 2005)

We try to make a ritual out of ending anything hard--like "let's sing a song for Nana while she leaves" or "let's say bye-bye to all the playground equipment, one-at-a-time." But I'm also not above mild bribery, like "hey, wow! Let's go inside now so we can eat frozen yogurt!"


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## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

the things that have worked for us are saying good bye, she gets into it and then i distract her with what we are going to be doing now. It doesn't always work, but hey WE ADULTS sometimes don't want to stop what we are doing to do something else, i can't imagine why we would expect our kids to want to ALL the time. Sometimes I whine about not being able to do something anymore.

Oh yeah and we also sometimes talk about how it IS hard to leave and I reassure her that we will come back to do it again. That one seems to almost always work.


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

Quote:

This may be totally unpopular, and I might get flamed for it, but...

If it were me, I would simply not allow him to go outside. I would explain to him that his behavior is not acceptable, and we will not go outside if he is going to have a huge meltdown every time we have to go in. I would let him know that when he thinks he can come back inside without tantrumming, then we can go outside.
No flaming here. I was going to post the same thing.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gardenmommy* 
If it were me, I would simply not allow him to go outside. I would explain to him that his behavior is not acceptable, and we will not go outside if he is going to have a huge meltdown every time we have to go in.

That's a lot to process for a not-quite 2 year old. I'm not sure how well a child that age would make the connection between being allowed to do something NOW based on his behavior LATER.

My son has the same problem (he's even younger- 19months), and I just briefly emphathize "You're angry because you want to be outside", and then let him go ahead and tantrum while I go about my business.

But then, my day is also much harder if we stay cooped up in the house than it would be if he gets to run around outside, so I'm not willing to deny outside time as a consequence since I don't feel like punishing myself


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

Mine often does the same thing. I just explain that it's time to go inside and be empathetic while still taking him inside. He will somtimes tantrum for a bit and I just hold him or he does it on the floor. Eventually he's ready for some mama milk and everythings better.

They do grow out of it eventually.

I'm not the best at GD (it's a struggle for me) but I think not allowing toddlers out door time because they age approriately can't cope well with having to stop a much loved activity is a little harsh. And at not even two they are not going to get it anyway. At least from my experience with my three kids.


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## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

I am not saying that I expect my 2 yr. old to perfectly understand the whole now...later... thing (but you would be surprised at how much a 2 yr. old really does understand. Don't sell your child short!). I would not phrase it that way. In fact, I would probably not even bring it up. I would just not even raise the possibility of going outside if I *knew* that a tantrum was inevitable. I would find other things for him to do inside.

Transitions are hard for some children; I am well aware of this, as I have 4 children who have issues with transitions. We do a lot of the things mentioned in PP, and it helps a lot. But the bottom line is that I am simply not going to go to the park, take my child to the restaurant, go outside, etc. if they are going to have huge tantrums when it's time to go. For me, it is just not acceptable, whether they are 2 yrs. old or 20 yrs. old.

I accept and *expect* protests. Again, *I* protest when things don't go my way. Who doesn't? That is normal and to be expected. Where is draw the line is a huge screaming raging tantrum that lasts 30 min. If you feel like you need to do that, fine, I'm not going to punish you, but I am just going to structure our day so that the situations that trigger such an event are kept to a bare minimum. It's not an all or nothing proposition.

When those times happen, I play it by ear as to whether or not that child needs to be held (sometimes to keep from hurting themselves), to be left alone, or for someone to just sit quietly with them.

Sometimes, it is just a learning process that the child needs to go through in order to understand that "after X we do Y". They don't always want to do "Y", no matter how much we the parent know they will enjoy the activity; they just don't want to stop doing "X". When it is an issue like that, then we just talk through the whole thing, try to empathize with their feelings, and gently guide them into the desired result.


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## mija y mijo (Dec 6, 2006)

Taking notes...

Several times now I've had to carry DS up to our apartment with him kicking and screaming hysterically. Same with getting him into the carseat. Sometimes the only thing that will calm him down is Veggie Booty.







I think I need to stock up and keep a constant supply in the car.


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## Abarat (Jan 22, 2007)

We used to have the same problem with our 2 1/2 yr old. He's recently gotten out of doing that because it's getting so hot he's glad to come in after a bit.

One thing that helped was a relatively set schedule of outdoor time. For example, I usually wouldn't take him outside until after 10am so I'd be sure to get things done. Then it's back inside at noon for a nap. Then after he got up we'd play inside and eat then back out around 3:30 or 4 and I'd do my best to get him in by 6. That's all if I was really really lucky. Of course we had lots of instances where I had to carry him about a quarter mile kicking and screaming (and 40lbs of toddler fighting you all the way is sooo tiring!) and he'd just have to get over it on the kitchen floor because nothing helped.

And I'm not above bribery either. We're on the same property as my in-laws and his Nanny keeps special treats that he can take home to eat so he's motivated to come home so he can have it...whatever works sometimes!


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## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *homeschoolmama* 
Taking notes...

Several times now I've had to carry DS up to our apartment with him kicking and screaming hysterically. Same with getting him into the carseat. Sometimes the only thing that will calm him down is Veggie Booty.







I think I need to stock up and keep a constant supply in the car.

What is veggie booty?

DH and I often feel like we don't want him to go outside because its such a production. He rolls in the sandbox, throws dirt around, just generally gets completely grungy plus then has this total tantrum on top of it. Its sort of like how we don't bring him to restaurants anymore because we know that he can't deal with sitting for 30 minutes and we can't deal with the stress. That said, I know being outside to play every day is important for the little bugger so my converse though was if we keep going out frequently maybe he'll start to realize that it isn't this rare opportunity, its just normal and then stop tantruming each time because he knows that he can go out again soon enough? That was kind of my hope anyway...


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## CawMama (Nov 4, 2005)

I know it's horrible....but we sometimes bribe ds when we know it's likely that he will throw a fit. Chocolate usually works great...."Hey Sawyer, want to go inside and have some chocolate?" He never says no!


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## ryleigh'smama (Aug 10, 2005)

Both of my lo's are doing that now....I think it was a long winter and they are just THRILLED to be outside. I try to bribe also, then we tell them "the mosquitos are coming out" and they come inside usually. Don't know why, but neither of them like the idea of the mosquito's coming out.


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gardenmommy* 
I am not saying that I expect my 2 yr. old to perfectly understand the whole now...later... thing (but you would be surprised at how much a 2 yr. old really does understand. Don't sell your child short!). I would not phrase it that way. In fact, I would probably not even bring it up.

I'm not selling my 19 mth old short at all infact he is quite bright







and I'm well aware of how much little ones' can understand. I think outside time (vit.D) is really important and I see no need to limit it due to age appropriate behavior that's all. But my little one has not had a 30 min. tantrum over coming inside (or anything else actually) so maybe I'd evaulate the situation differently if he had.


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## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

My DS1 would totally throw a 30 min. tantrum over anything happening (or not happening) the way he thought it should. It took me a long time to finally understand that you don't have to A) take it personally and B) let it rule what you do. I learned that there were certain things he was just not going to get to do because I didn't want to deal with the tantrums. Going to the park was one, going to a restaurant was another. Gradually, as he got older, he began to understand that tantrums were counter-productive. (I'm not talking about the meltdowns due to hunger, being tired, someone fed you a bunch of high fructose corn syrup, etc.. I'm talking about the "I am not happy with your decision so I'm going to throw myself on the floor and scream for 45 min." sort of thing.)

Lavendermae, I can see from your posts that you are very in tune with your DC, so I am sure that you are sensitive to what she understands. I didn't mean to imply that that wasn't the case, so hopefully it wasn't taken that way!

I have found it very helpful to take a timer with me. I set it for however long, and then we both know that when the timer beeps, it is time to go. We also have used a song for transitions (you can use whatever words and tune fit the occasion). There are lots of helpful things to make it easier.


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## mija y mijo (Dec 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heatherweh* 
What is veggie booty?

Veggie Booty It's a favorite snack with the kids (and healthy, too).

It's amazing how the tears will be streaming down his face and as he's kicking and screaming, I'll ask, "Do you want some Veggie Booty?" And he immediately stops and says, "Booty."









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carrin* 
I know it's horrible....but we sometimes bribe ds when we know it's likely that he will throw a fit. Chocolate usually works great...."Hey Sawyer, want to go inside and have some chocolate?" He never says no!

Whatever works, right?









Quote:


Originally Posted by *ryleigh'smama* 
I try to bribe also, then we tell them "the mosquitos are coming out" and they come inside usually. Don't know why, but neither of them like the idea of the mosquito's coming out.

Too funny!


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## spring978 (Aug 6, 2007)

Iam going to keep watching this thread hoping and praying that someone has the magic answere for this. DS22 months throws fits about every little thing bribing doesnt work, giving warnings doesnt work.
I literaly have a doz bite marks down my arms and couple on my legs.

It was getting better for a short bit but has come back in full force.

I just keeping telling myself that this is a short phase







At least I pray he wont still be doing this in a few years


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## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

I just have to post so I can find this thread again. My dd LOVES being outside and has just learned how to open our front door on her own







(we bought an extra lock today but haven't installed it yet). There are some great suggestions on here and I need to remember them next time I am streaking after my half naked 18 month old in my pajamas...


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## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spring978* 
Iam going to keep watching this thread hoping and praying that someone has the magic answere for this. DS22 months throws fits about every little thing bribing doesnt work, giving warnings doesnt work.
I literaly have a doz bite marks down my arms and couple on my legs.

It was getting better for a short bit but has come back in full force.

I just keeping telling myself that this is a short phase







At least I pray he wont still be doing this in a few years









Biting? Ugh. I am now considering myself lucky. I can't stand to be bitten, I mean I really wouldn't take it AT ALL, even if I had to resort to a pinch or bite back or something totally wacky and against my parenting mantra. No bites!

DS laughs sometimes when I "yell" at him or say things harshly to him. That kinda sucks being that he's not even 2 yet. I know that smack across the face took me by surprise- my first instinct was to smack him back of course, which I managed not to do.


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

I usually come up with a motivation for him to be inside and hype it up to make it sound great an exciting... whether it's doing something, getting something, or







: 2 gummybears. i need to make him want to come in.


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## loudmama (Mar 12, 2005)

I give my kiddos warnings that we will be leaving. More than once, like a count down. If that doesn't work, I just pick them up & we go. I try & be as calm as I can, validate their feelings, but let them know that there is no choice in the matter. This is a consequence of their actions. Luckily, I don't have biters.

My DD was about 3 when were playing at a friends house. She & her friend liked to strip down to their underwear. No problem with us. I gave her plenty of notice that we were leaving. Finally, when it seemed she would not put on her clothes to leave, I put everything in the car & warmed up the car. I then took her in coolish weather out to the car in her underwear. She was upset about it the whole 5 minutes it took to get home, but she learned that when I mean something, I mean it.

Kids push things. They are trying to find out what their limits are, trying to find out what to do & what we will do. Our job as parents is to set limits in as gentle & calm a matter as we can. (The calm part is easier sometimes than others!)

L


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