# Family Bathing



## jessiemom (Mar 11, 2005)

I always bathe with my kids, 3 yrs and almost 1 yr, but my husband is uncomfortable about them being in the tub with me. Especially with our son who is almost 1, he thinks that our son will be damaged in some way by seeing his mom naked. They also see me naked when I am dressing or if they come into the bath room when I am in there. I don't have a problem with it and don't think that they will be damaged because of it. When is a child too old to see their mom naked or to bathe together?


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

IMO? I think we're WAY too uptight about nudity. In my house growing up no one closed the door to the bathroom until I was in high school.... my sister and I showered with my dad once in awhile until we were at least 5-6. In most European cultures nudity is not seen in the same way that it is in the US and they all survive









-Angela


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## GranoLLLy-girl (Mar 1, 2005)

Gosh--I take a bath with my kids all the time (1 & 3).
And I have a boy and a girl. I don't see any problems. If they ask what a part is, I tell them...after all, I am still nursing them so it's not like they haven't seen half of me all the time anyway!


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessiemom*
When is a child too old to see their mom naked or to bathe together?

My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.









Nudity is a so-whatter in my family. The kids grew up seeing each other, and their parents (mostly me...mom lol) in various stages of undress. We think bodies are beautiful and natural, and I couldn't see why I'd need cause the kids to think otherwise.

Obviously, most people at some point do desire privacy and that is OK too. We just told the kids as they got older that we need to respect each others privacy requests. (We all, always knock on any closed door and wait to be invited in etc) My Ds, for a few years now, prefers not to be undressed in front of others but still has no problem seeing the rest of us undressed. My Dd is starting to be more private about dressing, but not so much as Ds.

Basically, nudity among family is something we don't even worry about until someone asks/indicates a need for something different.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

I have a bit of a different opinion on this. Is it REALLY that important to you that you bathe with them that you will willingly upset your husband? IMO if there is an issue where one parent feels strongly and one parent is just whatever about it then they should defer to the one who feels strongly about it. How would you feel if YOU felt uncomfortable with it and your husband didn't care and did it anyway? Wouldn't that make you feel disrespected and ignored? Why is that I often hear in this community the mama's wants being more important than the daddy's wants? Aren't you both equal partners? I don't feel comfortable with being naked around the children or my husband being naked around them. I was molested as a child and feel very strongly about this. He doesn't care either way. One time my son was in the bath and I walked in and DH was on the toilet (sitting). It REALLY upset me even though I know it was 100% innocent. So did he get mad and say I was being ridiculous and that it was no big deal going to the bathroom in front of my son? No. He respected my wishes and said he wouldn't do it again. That's just my 2 cents.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heavenly*
I have a bit of a different opinion on this. Is it REALLY that important to you that you bathe with them that you will willingly upset your husband? IMO if there is an issue where one parent feels strongly and one parent is just whatever about it then they should defer to the one who feels strongly about it. How would you feel if YOU felt uncomfortable with it and your husband didn't care and did it anyway? Wouldn't that make you feel disrespected and ignored? Why is that I often hear in this community the mama's wants being more important than the daddy's wants? Aren't you both equal partners? I don't feel comfortable with being naked around the children or my husband being naked around them. I was molested as a child and feel very strongly about this. He doesn't care either way. One time my son was in the bath and I walked in and DH was on the toilet (sitting). It REALLY upset me even though I know it was 100% innocent. So did he get mad and say I was being ridiculous and that it was no big deal going to the bathroom in front of my son? No. He respected my wishes and said he wouldn't do it again. That's just my 2 cents.


I'm not the OP, but I know how I feel. I feel VERY strongly that I don't want my children raised in a home with hang ups about nudity. I don't think it's healthy at all.

That being said....
My 5yo son still bathes and showers with me if he feels like it.







My daughter quit bathing with her father much younger, around 18 months, after she used his penis as a handle to pull herself to the standing position







He was never quite the same after that, LOLOLOL. My 8 1/2 year old daughter got into the shower with me a couple of days ago. BTW, my sister will still hop in the shower with me to save time if we're trying to get ready to go somewhere in a hurry, and she's 24 years old.

-Heather


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers*
I feel VERY strongly that I don't want my children raised in a home with hang ups about nudity. I don't think it's healthy at all.









:

I think that it creates a very unhealthy environment to think that human bodies are icky and naughty.

-Angela


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers*
My daughter quit bathing with her father much younger, around 18 months, after she used his penis as a handle to pull herself to the standing position







-Heather

Oh that's hilarious!


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## mother nurture (Oct 13, 2004)

My dd and I still bathe together and she is 13 mo. I see no problem with it. I think it is really important, like the other mamas, no to instill in your children that being nude is not okay or dirty in anyway. I spent most of my life not feeling comfortable being nude w/ myself b/c my parents had hang ups about nudity. As far as my dd I think that we will stop bathing together when either she or I feel uncomfortable. My dh is naked at times around the house and she is present, but it is when he just has gotten out of the shower or is changing. They don't bathe together, but I don't think I would have a problem with it at this point, but probably later.

Heavenly ~ I agree w/ you in respect to parents being partners. And I understand and respect that your experience has given you reason to choose the path you have w/ your children regarding nudity. Each family works differently. As far as I am concerned, though, I would be worried that MY children would grow up seeing nudity as a bad thing, which is unhealthy, in my opinion! But, again from my own experience.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I feel pretty strongly about keeping things that I have personal issues with about me, and not putting them onto my kids. I have very serious issue with dental phobia. I worked really hard to keep that about me, and not about the kids.


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## kiahnsmum (Oct 22, 2004)

I dont bathe with my ds anymore hes 5 but hes sees me naked plenty, i want him to feel totally comfortable in his skin so i dont want him thinking that his body is something to be embarrassed about. My dh was brought up in a family where it was it was a bad thing and he has real bad hang ups about his body (i ran outside naked one time to prove to him that he shouldnt care what people think







)

After my dd was born and my milk came in my breasts were huge and my ds saw my get out of the shower he exclaimed "wow what big nads you have" :LOL ??


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kiahnsmum*
After my dd was born and my milk came in my breasts were huge and my ds saw my get out of the shower he exclaimed "wow what big nads you have" :LOL ??









: Does nads mean the same thing in New Zealand as the US (testicles)?


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## kiahnsmum (Oct 22, 2004)

Yep, guess we got our wire crossed somewhere along the line!!!


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## jessiemom (Mar 11, 2005)

I guess my husband isn't totally against us bathing together, they just didn't do it in his family and he is worried that it might affect our kids in some way. My mother and my sister and I always bathed together and I never felt anything unhealthy about it, we were open about nudity. I guess that is why I wondered if it was normal or if others felt it was inappropriate to bathe together. I assured my husband that I woudn't do it if our son was uncomfortable with it, or our daughter, because I don't want it to be a bad experience for them but at 3 and 1 I don't think that they think anything about it. Thanks for all the responses, at least I know that i am not the only one who bathes with their kids. I would stop though if my husband was really bothered by it, it woudn't be worth putting a strain on our relationship over bathing.


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

I still bathe with my 16 month old DS...I still walk around nude in front of my almost 10 year old DS.

And let me tell you a little story about how "I" grew up...

A few months back, I went to my mom's house and she hollered down from upstairs that she was in the tub. I walked up thinking I'd sit and chat with her in the bathroom (she has a chaise lounge in this huge Victorian style bathroom). I get to the top of the stairs...and see that my brother has already beaten me to it. He's sitting there, all 24 years of him, chatting away with mom.









We gre up in a house where nudity was no big thing.

DH, on the other hand, grew up where nudity was behind closed doors...and that bunch is the most screwed up bunch I've ever met when it comes to nudity (amongst most other things! :LOL )


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

I still bathe with my (almost 6 year old) ds and my 8 year old dd. We see each other naked all the time and could care less. When one of us becomes uncomfortable we will reassess.


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## WinterWillow (Apr 17, 2005)

I still occasionally take showrs with my DD's. Nothing wrong with it at all unless they express discomfort about it. Being nude is natural and nothing to be ashamed of.


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

i still bathe with my almost 2 year old dd
she sees her dad naked almost daily
we live in a VERY small house and she co-sleeps with us still
she has never taken a bath with dh (he hates baths), but i have put her in his arms while he was in the shower, adn i see no problem with that

i agree that we will stay naked together as long as we all still feel ok

my family bathed togther....my sisters and i will still hang out naked on a hot day in an upstairs room.....

my dh's family very uptight about nudity and they are all wako period abotu everything

and to heavenly, i am so sorry about your abuse as a child, but by making nudity a scary and upsetting thing for your chidlren, you are not setting them up for a very strong and safe sexual future, maybe you should try some counseling with dh so that TOGETHER you can parent your chidlren, adn their nude bodies, without fear adn shame.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I think there is no magic age to stop but rather the comfort level of your own family & culture. I don't think a child at 1 year really notices nudity much. I also don't think a child is ever damaged merely by seeing someone naked.

My dd at 5 still bathes with me sometimes but I am phasing it out... because our tub is getting too small for both of us now that she is getting so big and I want a little more privacy! Dd has seen me naked when I'm getting dressed too. I don't freak out about nudity but I also don't say "hey, let's all get naked and play monopoly tonight." That is my own comfort level.

Dh isn't comfortable with dd seeing him naked. That started around the age she started talking about his penis... around 3 years I think. He used to sleep naked but wears underwear now. He was never very comfortable with dd bathing with him. He closes the door when he uses the bathroom or takes a bath. That is his comfort level.

I have a brother and a sister. My parents didn't bathe with us or walk around naked. I don't feel they were messed up. I also don't feel we grew up thinking there was something wrong with our bodies because we weren't all sitting around naked together.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers*
BTW, my sister will still hop in the shower with me to save time if we're trying to get ready to go somewhere in a hurry, and she's 24 years old.

-Heather

This reminded me of my best friend. She grew up with it being just her & mom, her dad kinda took off, and I really think not having any males in the house made for a very naked household!! lol. She thinks nothing of being naked in front of other females, ever. It's a very healthy attitude IMO. I am normally more reserved because I don't want to make others uncomfortable, but with my bf I become as relaxed as she is, and it just seems natural and normal to be naked, nothing sexual or 'private' about it.
honestly, if someone were taking baths/showers with their adolescent child of an opposite sex, I feel a little weirded out by that. I'm not sure that falls within the range of normal or healthy- even if we weren't socialized and lived on a desert island, I'm pretty sure the men wouldn't bathe with their 14 yr old daughters, yk? especially in the extremely close quarters of a modern shower/tub- that's crossing the line.
but infants and toddlers and even a little above? I think it's adorable!! I can't wait to take baths with my baby, boy or girl!!


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## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

Quote:

My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.
ITA. DH or I will often jump in the tub with DS at night if one of us needs a shower anyways...kills two birds with one stone.







He's 22 months and as far as he's concerned...breasts are for nursing







If he gets grabby with either one of us (tries to poke genitals or something) we just cheerfully and matter-of-factly say "That's mama's/dada's." and distract him...a good early lesson for personal boundaries.







As for the nudity, eh..he's so young and I have a far greater concern about putting our hang-ups onto a toddler who thinks that being naked is the best thing in the world! :LOL


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## FireWithin (Apr 29, 2004)

I wish I could have been more nude with my DS, especially with showers or baths. He was (a bit less so now) sooooo obsessed with nursing that when I tried to shower or bathe, he would just try to chase after them.

DS regularly showers with DH, and on occassion the three of us shower together.


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## wende (Oct 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa*
My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.










Seriously.

My mom likes to tell the story of when my brother was 13 years old. My mom was taking a bath and shaving her legs when my brother walked in to talk to her about something. He put the lid down on the toilet and sat down and started chatting as if my mom were fully clothed and sitting at the kitchen table. Finally my mom said "uhh, can we talk about this when I get out of the bath?" _She_ was uncomfortable with it, but since it was such a natural thing in our house, he didn't even notice.

My 6yo ds still hops in the shower with me sometimes. I'm constantly naked around the kids for various reasons (such as, one of them has hopped in the shower with me and then stole my towel so I have to go find another or walk out naked to get dressed). Even my 13yo dd, who is at that very private stage, lets my 2 yo shower with her if he wants to.


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## Mrs Dimples (Apr 17, 2004)

Reading this thread makes me glad my DH and I kind of have the same comfort level on this, it would be kinda hard if we didn't. We both grew up in families that were uptight about nudity (his far moreso than mine) but we sure are a naked bunch in this house now, LOL! :LOL My son is 21 months and if we're all home there's about a 30% chance that all three of us are running around naked.







We shower together almost every day. We never talked about it, this is just how we're comfortable and I imagine this is how we will remain until one of us doesn't like it anymore.


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## bleurae (Feb 25, 2005)

I grew up in a house divided. My father bathed us for years and my brother showered with him on and off until I was 9 and my brother 11. My mother however, I never saw naked. Never. I rarely saw her in bra and undies. This messed with me and my body image as a woman but I think it was because of her obvious issues. I am very comfortable being nude, I hate how fat I am but I am fine being nude. I am rarely ever fully dressed at home. My son has only ever bathed with me, he is now 2.5 years old. I also think when one is uncomfortable it is time to change. That can happen early or late or never. I think puberty can be a definate time for some privacy but that doesn't have to mean secrecy, just respect. I do think when someone is very private or extra modest the secrecy of the whole thing not only stigmatizes it but it also makes it uncomfortable, almost like it is bad or dirty somehow.


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## crunchy_mama (Oct 11, 2004)

well, I agree with pp's if it doesn't bother you , or your children I wouldn't worry about it. I bathe with my 10.5 m.o. the only problem I find is him wanting to pull out my pubic hair, ouch!! We are fairly open at my house as well- no problem with mom are I seeing each other naked- although this stopped with dad at some point- I guess when it got "weird" still would co-sleep with them though. It is definitely not going to scar him for life at this age!!


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

I had students who belonged to some Japanese religion, I forget which (though they were Caucasion) and they had the family bath every day. The whole family got in, brothers, sisters, mother and father, and they continue though the children are teens now. They were the most well-adjusted, relaxed children, with none of that giddy sense of scandal over puberty or bodies or sex. You could really see the difference - comfort with nudity, one's own and others,' really has a positive affect on other parts of life.


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## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

I'm very interested in this thread because a friend of mine told me that, putting aside your personal comfort level with bathing naked with your opposite gender child, DCFS sees it as very suspect past infancy. She claimed that if my daughter went to school and said "I took a bath with Daddy" and the school called DCFS, they could actually take her away from us for assessment. Does anyone know if this is correct? Her approach has been that she and her husband accompany their 5 and 3 year old daughters to the bathroom for baths, but hand them the washcloths and direct them to wash themselves. Her husband does not help either daughter wipe themselves on the potty unless no one else is home. This sounds real extreme to me, but then again, what would you do to protect your child from being taken away? I have no idea what to do about it.

When I grew up, naked was also no big deal, and I remember vividly sitting and chatting with my dad as he dried off after a shower when I was a little girl. I even remember joking that his penis looked like a nose sticking out from under a lot of curly hair.







We also had a hot tub and all went in naked until I was at least 12 (me, mom, dad, and younger brother). I remember my dad commenting that I was getting breasts, and that made me really uncomfortable, so I started wearing a swimsuit. That sounds like the right progression -- once someone was uncomfortable, the nakedness changed.

With my DD, we've never hid our nakedness, but we have talked about what we don't like her to touch. With me, it's my bellybutton (I have a "thing" about it and don't like it touched) and my vulva, and with her dad, it's his penis and his armpits (which are horribly ticklish). Mostly I'm the one who bathes with her, but sometimes her dad does, and I'm starting to worry about my friend's DCFS paranoia. Any experts out there?


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## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

I agree with the "when one of you is no longer comfortable" P.O.V. wholeheartedly.

DD still sees me undressed all the time (she's 6 1/2) and occasionally showers with me. DH became uncomfortable being naked in front of her when she was around 2, so she respects his privacy. This works for us!

As far as opposite sex children, I think the same rule applies. I think it's a little extreme for your DH to think it's inappropriate for a baby to see his own mother naked, but maybe you can talk with him about it, since he clearly has some strong feelings about it.


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## WriterMama (Mar 27, 2002)

Both dh and I shower with our 2 and 4 yr olds, though not with dh and I together because I'm too hugely pg to fit!

But I agree, that when anyone is uncomfortable, those boundaries should be respected (as children get older or whatever). I grew with a mother who had no qualms about being nude in front of us. HOWEVER, it started to make ME uncomfortable as a preteen, so I avoided going into her room or bathroom when she wasn't dressed. Once though, when I was 14, she came barging into the shower, threw open the door and shoved my muddy toddler brother into to shower with me. I was pi$$ed! It was such a violation of my privacy that she come in when *I* was undressed, without permission, and then, essentially demand that I bathe my little brother.

Not that anyone here would do something so asinine, but it's definitely a reason that I think respecting boundaries is so important.


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## wende (Oct 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fiddledebi*
I'm very interested in this thread because a friend of mine told me that, putting aside your personal comfort level with bathing naked with your opposite gender child, DCFS sees it as very suspect past infancy. She claimed that if my daughter went to school and said "I took a bath with Daddy" and the school called DCFS, they could actually take her away from us for assessment. Does anyone know if this is correct? Her approach has been that she and her husband accompany their 5 and 3 year old daughters to the bathroom for baths, but hand them the washcloths and direct them to wash themselves. Her husband does not help either daughter wipe themselves on the potty unless no one else is home. This sounds real extreme to me, but then again, what would you do to protect your child from being taken away? I have no idea what to do about it.


That can't be true because it's perfectly legal to take a child to a nude beach or to live in a nudist colony with children. However, once they are old enough to clean themselves they should. Just like it would be strange to be wiping the butt of a perfectly capable 10 yo, it would be strange to be washing the genitals of a perfectly capable child.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

We've had that discussion. The dynamic of our relationship is that he uses me as a sounding board though. So when the idea popped into his head that it might not be appropriate to have family baths, I just told him that I felt fine with it. He must have grown up in a very clothed house. He locks the bathroom door when he uses the toilet and showers. I have to remind him to leave it unlocked for the little potty users who can't hold it until he's done. Now that he's showering with his kids and cleaning them, he realizes that it's not "weird."
Another thing, if you are bathing with your children and then your husband wants you to stop, that certainly puts a kink in your ability to get clean. Maybe you should discuss the pros and cons with him and see if he might reconsider. It may just be an odd feeling he has from social conditioning that when analyzed would dissipate.


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

Though ridiculous, DCFS can start an investigation based soley on the comments of a child, "I took a shower with daddy" etc. And they do quite frequently around here. Its a red flag for molestation they say.

I have 2 girls, and we do shower together. But because of DCFS my dh does not shower or bathe with them. Though I wander around nude frequently, he does not. I'm not willing to take that risk of losing my kids.

Apparently same sex molestation never enters their radar, because they have no problems with parents showering with the same sex child.







Their reasons for investigations are often trivial and ridiculous.


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## gotmilkmama (May 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers*
BTW, my sister will still hop in the shower with me to save time if we're trying to get ready to go somewhere in a hurry, and she's 24 years old.

-Heather

LOL Heather! My sister and I took bathes together all the way up till college and moving into different places. She is 33 now and I'm 34 and she was just in town visiting us and in my shower while I was at the sink and she asked if I wanted to hop in with her. :LOL I would of but our shower now is pretty small. Anyway we laughed about it as it brought back fun memories. It was a normal thing. My brother 14 yrs younger than me saw us both naked for a longggg time as we had a small home and shared rooms too.

And now my 2 1/2 ds sees us naked all the time and shower/bath with us. And my 1 yo dds love to be naked. And with nursing twins I pretty much walk around with my boobies out 24/7 anyway. Seems that way anyway.

Just a natural thing for us.


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## greymama (May 30, 2003)

My husband and I bathe with our two sons (8-months and 28-months) quite often. We have a big tub, but it's starting to get a little crowded with all the toys the toddler wants to have in the tub.

I have no issue with my boys seeing me naked. I have issues seeing myself naked though :LOL


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## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

I shower with DD 27 mo as does DH. sometimes all three of us hop in the shower together. I only bathed with her twice. Thefirst time she only wanted to nurse so I didn't do it again until we didn't have any gas, so no hot water. I heated up all these pans of water and didn't want to do it agian so we just bathed together. She tried to nurse and it was kind of tough so that' why we do the shower instead. I want my DD to see us naked. It's normal and natural and nothing to be ashamed of. I feel hiding and covering would only show that it's not an ok thing which can lead to problems with boundies in relationships.
I was also molested, as an 8 year old and I did have a few hang ups, but nudity was never one of them. Between the molestation and issues with my body and self worth I did a lot of things I didn't want to simply b/c i didn't know what was acceptable and I didn't know I could say "No" To me it is important to raise my DC without those hang ups and insecurities. each Being comfertable with the naked body is the first step. accepting when they say "NO" be it tickling, hugging or kissing. if they don't want to then we don't. But that's another thread altogether.

Courtney


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Living in fear of having your children removed for your lifestyle choices is real. However, I've also heard that you're supposed to have a crib for a baby and children of different genders may not share a room. Are the parents who won't shower with their children also using cribs and giving each child a separate bedroom? Oh yeah. And no nursing past age 3 and full vaccinations, on schedule. There are so many different ways to parent. In many cases, a CPS investigation opened based on a seemingly innocent comment will not end in removal of the children. I know it's scary to consider, but I don't adjust my lifestyle to fit into the CPS mold.


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

I do vax for the same reasons my husband doesnt shower with the kids. We have 2 girls right now, but if this baby is a boy we will have to move into a bigger apartment to accomadate another bedroom because it is illegal to have them in the same room. I don't like that I have to feel forced to make that decision, but I do.

I breastfeed and co-sleep with my 2 year old, and because I have pediatricians to back me up I will continue to do so.

Its very sad to think that innocent things can bring about an investigation, but even sadder if people believe that their children are not at risk of being removed if they are investigated. It happens every day to innocent families.

Not wanting to hijack this thread any longer.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa*
My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.









:

DH, DD (17months) and I bathe together almost daily. It's one of our favorite times of the day. When anyone starts feeling strange about it we'll change things. For now though, we have a grand time splashing, playing, etc.







:


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WitchyMama2*
I do vax for the same reasons my husband doesnt shower with the kids. We have 2 girls right now, but if this baby is a boy we will have to move into a bigger apartment to accomadate another bedroom because it is illegal to have them in the same room. I don't like that I have to feel forced to make that decision, but I do.


Woah, what state do you live in? The only law about this I've EVER heard of had to do with foster children.

-Heather


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers*
Woah, what state do you live in? The only law about this I've EVER heard of had to do with foster children.

-Heather


Maine. Good ole Vacationland


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WitchyMama2*
Maine. Good ole Vacationland










Wow, I think i'd be looking for jobs in other states.


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## AdoptChina (Dec 7, 2003)

The only child I still bathe with is my almost 2 yr old....but I do occasionally (sp?) shower with my 5 yr old. I never bathe with my 8 & 10 yr olds b/c they hog the tub lol
I dont walk around the house nude but do walk around my room while Im picking out clothes etc. All my kids are still comfortable with my nakedness but I have noticed my 10 yr old zoning in on my boobs lol.....I'll try and talk to him and see he is staring at my chest...have to remind him to look at my face when Im talking to him lol..but he isn't uncomfortable yet


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## FullCream (Mar 24, 2004)

DD's 8 1/2 - she still occasionally showers with DH after they've been swimming. Neither is uncomfortable.

I'm frequently nude and not at all concerned about my children or DH seeing me.

Nudity does not equal sex.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

My ds is 2 years 10 months and I have no problem being naked in front of him, dh doesn't either. I think if we had a daughter dh would be more uncomfortable about being naked in front of her.
Ds and I don't bathe together though, he hates showers and I hate baths! But if he wanted to come in the shower with me I'd be fine with it.
I'm hoping my ds will view nakedness as a natural, no big deal thing.
Also, ot, he stopped nursing at a year, so he doesn't remember it.







But I always mention that boobies are for feeding babies (he likes to point them out, lol) and I always point out nursing mothers to him when we see them.


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## mommytolittlelilly (Jul 7, 2004)

I sure don't see anything wrong with taking a bath with mommy, but I'd like to think I'd be understanding with my husband if he was totally opposed to it.

I'm on the other side, though, in that I really don't want my husband walking around with just underpants on in front of my 23 month-old daughter. She knows what a penis and a vagina are now, so that makes a big difference to me. I don't want her to be too casual about male nudity, as I could imagine that having ramifications outside of our small family circle.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

If I didnt bathe with my two lil ones, none of the three of us would EVER get clean! I have a household with ages: 19, 13, 2 and five months. Plus I woh ft. If I couldnt put dd in the tub then grab the baby and jump in myself, I swear to you that we would all be stinky because I seriously would never have time any other way. With my 13yr old, we bathed togather until he was three or four, but that was because he got big and we wouldnt both fit anymore (I have a bigger tub now!).

I quit letting him see my naked when he started not wanting me to see him (shutting his bedroom door, not letting me in the bathroom etc) I figured that was the natural time for it. Also, now that he's almost 14, trust me, he wouldnt dream of walking in on me in the bathroom (though a year ago, he'd plop right down on the side of the tub and talk to me while I was on the toliet, Im so glad that has stopped!

My mom, brother and I saw each other naked all the time and I dont remember a specific time that stopped (never, with my mom), it was a nonissue.

I was molested as a child myself, but not by my mother or brother, and I never thought a thing of seeing them naked/them seeing me before or after because it was so not sexual.

Funny story: DD (2yrold) was in the bath with me and her five month old brother and said "wee wee" pointing to his penis, I said, yes, thats a BOY wee wee, thinking she might be confused because it was diffrent than hers. She simply looked at me like I was dense and said, "no, thats TODDS wee wee". Well, yeah.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessiemom*
When is a child too old to see their mom naked or to bathe together?

When the child becomes uncomfortable with it, or the parent does.

For example, I bathe with my 3yo quite often. My 10yo is getting very modest, and doesn't even like to change her clothes in front of me, and is uncomfortable with seeing ME naked. My 9yo is starting to get modest about changing her clothes but doesn't care if I'm naked around her.

If your husband was uncomfy bathing with the kids, that's a legit reason for HIM not to bathe with them. IMO, there's no reason for YOU to stop bathing with your kids because HE'S uncomfortable with it.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Our tub is too small for more than one person so we only bathe in singles around here. But we shower is whatever combo makes sense. Dh and me, Dd and me, Dh and dd, or all 3! Whenever dd starts getting unconfortable we will stop. We used to have a wood fired sauna (pronounced sow-NAH) building. Some of the traditional Finnish families around here use the sauna as a bath. Typically the entire naked family is in there along with any extended families members that happen to be around. CPS is fully aware of this and I do not know of a single case in which this was a problem.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

I don't want her to be too casual about male nudity, as I could imagine that having ramifications outside of our small family circle.
I grew up seeing my father naked practically every day. I sometimes took baths w/him until I was about 8 and began to feel that wasn't "proper". We even spent a few days at a nudist colony (family camp format) when I was 4. However, the fact that in non-nudist situations no adult men other than my dad were intentionally naked in front of me made it clear to me that seeing a naked man was not a "casual" thing. At times when I accidentally walked in on, say, my grandpa changing into his swimsuit, I instinctively felt like apologizing and leaving. If any man had exhibited himself to me in an inappropriate kind of way, I would've known it was inappropriate.

And I certainly didn't feel "casual" about male nudity when I started having sexual experiences as a teenager. I had seen an adult penis, but not an erect one, and that made a BIG difference.


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## mommytolittlelilly (Jul 7, 2004)

That's great for you.

We happen to have a male pedophile in the family, and I sure don't want there to be any room for confusion or discrepancy with exposure to male nudity.


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## damirati (May 24, 2005)

Does anyone know of a website that says that children of deffering genders can't share a room? OR more than 2 children can't be in a room? Thanks!
~damirati


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

We happen to have a male pedophile in the family, and I sure don't want there to be any room for confusion or discrepancy with exposure to male nudity.








: In that case, isn't the nudity to be concerned about your child's (when the pedophile is around), rather than her innocent father's?? (Unless her father is the one who's the pedophile. I hope not!) If you knew a black man who had strangled somebody, would you require all black men to wear handcuffs when around your child?







:


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## mommytolittlelilly (Jul 7, 2004)

Why do so many people here feel the need to use racial analogies to make a point? It just drives me nuts....

Anyway, the issue for me is complicated by the fact that I was molested as a kid and flashed as a kid and adult. By men. I take it you've never even been flashed before, so you're lucky on that count. For me, I guess it's tied up with the feeling that *I* do not want to see a naked man unless I'm planning on having sex. Accordingly, *I* do not want my daughter to see *any* naked men until she's planning on having sex.

Our specific family situation is that I'm doing my best to ensure that my daughter never has to be around this guy.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

I have been flashed, but only as an adult. I found it kind of unsettling but mostly weird and sort of funny. I'm sure that if I'd been younger or the man had been more threatening (he was an elderly Orthodox Jew) it would've been more traumatic. I have been sexually assaulted, but only as an adult. That WAS very horrible but would've been much worse if I'd been a child assaulted by an adult. I'm very sorry that you've been through the experiences you have. It does help to explain your feelings now.

I'm very glad that you are keeping your child away from a known pedophile, naked or not.

The reason I used a racial analogy was to make the point that you are curtailing the behavior of an entire class of people (men) based on the behavior of one individual in that group. Sometimes people have a hard time seeing that they're doing that until it's recast in racial terms, because our current societal sensitivity to racism makes a racist judgment "jump out" as a bias. I think that's the reason some other posters do it, too.


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## damirati (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca*
The reason I used a racial analogy was to make the point that you are curtailing the behavior of an entire class of people (men) based on the behavior of one individual in that group. Sometimes people have a hard time seeing that they're doing that until it's recast in racial terms, because our current societal sensitivity to racism makes a racist judgment "jump out" as a bias. I think that's the reason some other posters do it, too.


While I understand your reasoning, if I may make the suggestion of using some other group such as people with blue eyes, people in black trucks etc; simply because using a race of people who are already viewed negatively more than positively to illustrate a negative point can be a sticking point for some. I dont want to turn this into a racial discussion, but I thought I'd offer another POV....just my 2 shekels


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## farmer mama (Mar 9, 2004)

Like Envirobecca, in my family growing up nudity was no big deal. With my own kids it also is seen as normal for them to see their dad naked, and they have seen other trusted adults (men and women) nude when we have gone swimming or to hotsprings. Like EB said, to me there is a big difference to seeing an adult penis and seeing an erect adult penis.

Mommytolittlelilly- Not trying to argue, but I would like to politely ask for more info on your perspective. Would you eleborate on or be more specific about your opinion about the ramifications of being too casual with male nudity outside your immediate family, and what exactly is the confusion or discrepancy you are concerned about. BTW- I think it is great you do what feels comfortable for you.


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## wende (Oct 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommytolittlelilly*
Why do so many people here feel the need to use racial analogies to make a point? It just drives me nuts....

Anyway, the issue for me is complicated by the fact that I was molested as a kid and flashed as a kid and adult. By men. I take it you've never even been flashed before, so you're lucky on that count. For me, I guess it's tied up with the feeling that *I* do not want to see a naked man unless I'm planning on having sex. Accordingly, *I* do not want my daughter to see *any* naked men until she's planning on having sex.

Our specific family situation is that I'm doing my best to ensure that my daughter never has to be around this guy.

I have been molested. I have been flashed. I have been raped. As a kid and as an adult. By men. I can certainly look at my dh's naked body w/o the intention of having sex. I can look at wonderful works of art portraying nudity and not have sexual feelings or thoughts. I can walk around my house as nude as can be w/o feeling like my children are being hurt by my nudity and my dh can do the same. If anything, I think my children benefit from it. There is no shame of their bodies. There shouldn't be. Nudity is not dirty and it is not sexual...unless the intent is to be dirty and sexual, and I think that my children are very aware of the differences.

I showered with my father as a child and never saw anything wrong with it. When I was flashed as a child, I took down the licence plate number of the car that the man drove off in and called the police. It's certainly not difficult to teach a child the difference between what's right and what's wrong. I have no problem with you doing things your way, however you feel comfortable doing them, but I feel like you are telling us that we are wrong, and shameful, for feeling comfortable in our skin.


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## mommytolittlelilly (Jul 7, 2004)

Sure, I'll elaborate.

I can't really say with authority that my daughter seeing her dad naked is going to make her "casual" about male nudity, but I just don't want to take any chances where that's concerned. I don't want her to think it's appropriate to be exposed to in that way, by any man. Further, I just don't see what's to be gained by having her take a shower with naked dad, or seeing him walking around in flimsy undies (actually we're essentially on the same page about this, but he thinks I'm taking it to far by objecting to his flimsy undies.) But if that works for you guys, that's great (really)! It's just so totally alien to my own experience and feelings about it.

I personally feel violated to be subjected to male nudity (when it's unsolicited). I think personal privacy in this regard extends to the view-ee, not just the viewed. So for me I feel like it's disrespecting and invasion of my privacy (being the view-ee). By extension, I feel it's disrespectful and an invasion of my daughter's personal space and privacy.


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## mommytolittlelilly (Jul 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wende*
I have been molested. I have been flashed. I have been raped. As a kid and as an adult. By men. I can certainly look at my dh's naked body w/o the intention of having sex. I can look at wonderful works of art portraying nudity and not have sexual feelings or thoughts. I can walk around my house as nude as can be w/o feeling like my children are being hurt by my nudity and my dh can do the same. If anything, I think my children benefit from it. There is no shame of their bodies. There shouldn't be. Nudity is not dirty and it is not sexual...unless the intent is to be dirty and sexual, and I think that my children are very aware of the differences.

I showered with my father as a child and never saw anything wrong with it. When I was flashed as a child, I took down the licence plate number of the car that the man drove off in and called the police. It's certainly not difficult to teach a child the difference between what's right and what's wrong. I have no problem with you doing things your way, however you feel comfortable doing them, but I feel like you are telling us that we are wrong, and shameful, for feeling comfortable in our skin.

NO - I am not trying to tell you or anyone else that you are wrong or shameful! Where in my posts do I suggest that you all do something differently?! What I *am* trying to do is explain my feelings.


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## farmer mama (Mar 9, 2004)

Thanks for elaborating. It may not be where I am at but it is always good to hear other perspectives.


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## mommytolittlelilly (Jul 7, 2004)

Ditto, Farmer Mama.


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## wende (Oct 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommytolittlelilly*
NO - I am not trying to tell you or anyone else that you are wrong or shameful! Where in my posts do I suggest that you all do something differently?! What I *am* trying to do is explain my feelings.

I actually understand much better where you are coming from after your last post and can definately see your point. Thanks









I guess it felt (to me) that you were implying that those of us who were comfortable being nude in front of the kids were inviting bad things to happen to them. Maybe I misread what you said and intent is always hard to read, yk?


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## edamommy (Apr 6, 2004)

a one year old? TOo old to see mama nude? That idea seems crazy to me. my ds is 27 months. I've not once worried about him being "damaged" from seeing me nude. He bathes with me or my dh at least once a week. He's sees our bodies as just that... the bodies attached to our head! lol.


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## mommytolittlelilly (Jul 7, 2004)

Yep, it's the plague of typing back and forth, I'm afraid!









I am in love with you guys!

Edamommy, I was actually not elaborating about the OP. Just my feelings on adult male nudity (which hopefully won't get this thread closed).


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

We all bathe and sleep nude together. I would definitely discuss the issue with DH if he had a problem with it but I would also definitely want to explore his feelings as well as mine thoroughly before making any changes.

From what I've read and experienced I think a healthy and open family regarding nudity, care, intimacy, and sexuality is the best way to protect my child.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

BTW, I wanted to recommend that parents worried about protecting their child (who isn't really!) to read Protecting the Gift. I don’t think he addresses nudity but it’s all around a wonderful and empowering book.


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## AugustineM (Mar 21, 2005)

Just a quick observation -- I have a good friend who told me she wears a bathing suit in the tub with her 8 mo. old DS. I haven't pressed her on the issue but I find it sort of odd... I mean, wouldn't that make him even more curious/confused about nakedness and women's bodies? She nurses him, but apparently doesn't feel comfortable about being naked with him... . DH and I bathe together with our DS almost every night. I think that it is important for children to get a healthy attitude about our bodies when they are young. Our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of... nothing bad, and nakedness does certainly not mean sex. You can teach respect for your own and other's bodies quite easily once you have a baseline for comfort w/ your own and other's bodies.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

AugustineM said:


> Just a quick observation -- I have a good friend who told me she wears a bathing suit in the tub with her 8 mo. old DS. QUOTE]
> 
> I've always wondered about this! I read in some parenting magazine once about some woman who said she got to relive her childhood by putting on her swimsuit and getting in the tub w/her child. I couldn't figure out why. Maybe it was your friend!
> 
> ...


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## 2much2luv (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

I know it's scary to consider, but I don't adjust my lifestyle to fit into the CPS mold.
Yup, that.









We are pretty darn comfortable with our nudity around here. My kids are 5, 3.5, and 1.5 and theya re each running around naked at some point of each day. _I_ get a little uncomfortable with it if it goes on too long and ask them to get underwear on. We all shower together occasionally, though its so crowded that is rare. They see both their father and myself naked when we are showering or dressing. Its no big deal here.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

After this morning's experience, I am thinking of wearing a swimsuit when bathing w/my child, not for any modesty reason but to keep his razor-sharp little toenails out of my delicate bits!!!









Quote:

Anyway, to be honest, what I'm most worried about is her telling someone else that we don't know very well something like that and the cops coming to arrest my dh.
IKWYM! When I was in kindergarten, I mentioned to one of my friends that my whole family was naked in bed together the night before. She was horrified and repeated, "Only grownups get into bed naked!" louder and louder until the teacher came over and said, "Different families have different rules."







but I wouldn't expect today's teachers to have such a calm reaction, given all the requirements about reporting even the slightest suspicion of any possibility of abuse.

Because of that, although I'm not going to restrict nudity-for-a-reason (changing clothes, taking a bath) until one of us is uncomfortable w/it, I'm not going to just hang around the house naked like my parents did. I might feel differently if that was something I really love doing, but I don't; 10 months out of the year I get cold too easily anyway!


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## jessiemom (Mar 11, 2005)

I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses to my post. It is really good to hear that a lot of others out there bathe with their kids as well. I really appreciate the differing opinions out there, helps me to understand a bit more where my dh is coming from. Thanks for the support!


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## Jaydedeyz (Jun 23, 2005)

There is legitimate reasoning to both sides of the topic here.I grew up in a home that wasn't neccissarily private [my mom's used the bathroom with the door open my whole life],but we weren't out playing naked tag either.All of my sibs are older than me [the youngest was 16 when I showed up]so there wasn't much in common between me and them.I didn't have brothers and sisters,I had extra moms and dads.But even as old as I am now [ripe old age of 20]I still think nothing of hopping in with my sis for a quick scrub down.She's also showered with both my boys [2 1/2,and 2 mo.].I take them in with me from time to time,and put them in with Dad too.I have no problem with my boys bathing with me,their dad or aunt for as long as the child and/or adult are comfortable with it.
I can remember me and my nieces [who are all around my age] getting together for bath/slumber parties.We'd bring all our bath gear and toys to the host house,jump in together for a fun,leasurely soak,and then off to watch movies on the livingroom floor until we pass out,all with wrinkled toes.I'm 20 now,2 of them are 18,one's 16,and none of us think's twice about sharing a shower,changing together,etc.It's no different than gym class in a public school,and atleast I trust these people.However,if any of us ever feels the need for privacy all we need to do is say so.
As a matter of fact,I have a funny story along these lines.We took a trip to Dad's mom's house for a week when #1 was 1y.o. I was talking to his mom from the hallway one morning,walked into her bedroom to say something else [the door was open]and here she pops naked out of the shower,free as a bird.I know I had to have had a funny look on my face b/c she started laughing at me.It was the combination of shock [we're not related,I didn't expect it,and she's a rigid military-style mom],and new found respect for an older mom,b/c she's 39,and I'm 20,she's got 2 more kids than me,and guess who has the better body?Yep,the naked bird.


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## skolboi99 (Oct 7, 2005)

Me to I feel the same way, famil should not be embarrased to shower together especially witht he kids, families should be open about nudism and showering together, it helps the family bond closer


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## SMH (Dec 17, 2003)

At first my dh was very uncomfortable with being nude...even just with me. He wouldn't take a shower with me, walk around nude or really change in front of me. It was for sure a product of how he grew up. Me being just the opposite...something had to give.
Of course it was him







! He's so much better now and he'll even bath with the children if they want to and he changes in front of them. I agree that nudity shouldn't be a negative or perverse thing around the house.
Now if my dh wouldn't change and didn't feel comfy with being nude or bathing infront of the children I would respect that but I wouldn't let that stop me from bathing. I would state my case and hope that he would respect how I feel.
So I would respect him by not asking him to do it and he would respect me by allowing me to do it.







:


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

natensarah said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *AugustineM*
> ...


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## nznats (Jul 17, 2005)

I agree with bathing together for as long as it is still comfortable for you and the children. My mum was very pudish and it took me ages to get over that and feel comfortable in my own skin. My grandma however whom I lived with from the age of 11 walked around naked etc, they both sleep naked and used to share the bed with my cousin until he was about 14 I think. I am naked alot, so is my partner. We will set boundries once she gets curious, my partner when he first start bathing with my daughter used to wear his boxers or a pair of shorts, that upset me alittle but after speaking to him and explaining that I would never think that he would hurt her (his family has sexabuse history, incl false allegations) he loosened up a bit. Its really just what suits each family, but I would like to ensure my daughter is never ashamed of her body or anything similar


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

I agree that it is fine as long as all parties involved are comfortable. I remember my sister and I bathing with my mom until I was about 7 or 8... my mom used to draw letters and numbers on my back and I would guess what they were -- it was really fun! My mom was a single mother so we didn't live with our dad so we didn't bathe with him, but my brothers are quite a bit older than I am (10 and 12 years older) and I remember bathing with them when I was little and they were young teenagers (mostly because I wanted to)... and it was all good...

I bathe with our daughter all the time and it is one of the best parts of our day! My husband doesn't bathe with her only because he hasn't taken a bath since he was about 7 lol... he hates them and prefers showers and he is scared he may drop her in the shower but when she is old enough to stand I don't think he would have a problem showering with her. He has no issue bathing her or changing her, massaging her, dressing her etc though...

I grew up in a pretty open home in that respect... my mom still will bathe in front of me or get dressed etc, as will my sister.... but my husband grew up in a very *private* home where no one saw anyone ever without a full state of dress so he is a bit more inhibited in that respect than I am....

We just do what is right and comfortable for our family. While I want my daughter to grow up with a healthy sense of her body being her own, boundries and knowledge of hers and people's need for privacy -- I don't want at all to create a situation where she feels that nudity and her body are shameful... so we have decided that she will *lead* us... when she expresses the need for privacy, whether it is at 3 or 13, we will respect that.


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## ToniaStarr (Sep 27, 2005)

I still shower with my oldest who is 4 andf my two youngest are 2 and 5 months and love their baths with mama. Though the showers with my eldest son are not as frequent now. This is because for awhilenow we have lived with another family who parents much differently than we do and are all big on privacy so now we have had to get them used to dressing behind closed doors, etc.. It makes me sad that Zane is beginning to insist on privacy but I respect him of course. Though I know he says it more cuz he hears it around here from their children then that he really feels it, ya know? I agree with what the other mom said about, when one of you feels uncomfortabel about it. Our society tends to over sexualize things anyway. (Ever try NIP with a baby older than 12 months? The raised eyebrows are enough to see how most people look at things. Wish it wasn't that way.
Tonia


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## ashraf (Apr 15, 2006)

I used to share shower with same sex family members , when i was young
dad - uncle - brother ,... and i remmber that many questions had been rasied to my mind and i was not able to discuss it with anyone else , i was comapring my things with older and i found no reason ( for my young age ) why these are different


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## Joannarachel (Dec 10, 2005)

I'd say the child is too old when the CHILD starts expressing desires for modesty. Doesn't that usually happen around 5 or 6?

I defintely don't think anything's wrong with bathing w/ a one and a three year old, though.

I took a shower with my DS last night after an...um....DYNAMIC....ice cream sundae at Friendly's


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## Brigianna (Mar 13, 2006)

We did not and do not co-bathe with our kids at any age, and we haven't been naked in front of them since they were tiny infants. I think consistent values and modeling are important and a toddler probably isn't going to see any reason why he should be clothed in front of strangers if he and his parents are naked in front of each other at home (not saying there isn't a difference, of course there is, but I think it's too subtle a difference for most toddlers to grasp).

Now if you like co-bathing and co-nudity, that's your decision of course, but I absolutely don't agree that open nudity is any "healthier" than modesty or that modesty is somehow "unhealthy."


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