# just lost our 9 week old baby...



## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

Hello. My husband and I just lost our little baby over Christmas eve. It's been 9 days now, and the sadness, anger, despair comes in waves. We really wanted this baby. It would have been our first. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I can't believe this happened. I also can't believe the depth of my pain and anger. I feel like a failure. I feel as if I disappointed everyone. I "know" this isn't true, but it's how I feel.

I can't get enough information...I skim through books at Barnes and Noble about miscarriage. I want to prevent it from happening again. We do want to try again...I'm not sure if I can trust my body again.

Thanks for listening. I'll probably stick around for a while. Abylite


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm sure I don't have any words that would make you feel any better. I just wanted to give you cyber hugs and let you know that I'm thinking about you.


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## Rant n Raven (May 20, 2002)

Peace and strength to you during this difficult time.

Keep writing and talking.

Breathe. Get a massage.

Try to be kind to your body because -maybe- it did it for a reason.

I heard a story once that in heaven or the place where baby souls wait whoever gets to go into the new baby is by chance. But if a baby miscarries then that baby gets to go in the front of the line again. Maybe this child is just waiting for a moment when everything is perfect.

It is not your fault.

You won't forget but the pain will fade over time.

Best wishes.


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## Caring Touch (Sep 4, 2002)

I am going through the same thing right now. It's really hard.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

I think what I have learned most from this experience is a wonderful lesson that we cannot control anything in life. As women we have a tendancy to try to micromanage EVERYTHING in life. When going through a miscarriage you realize that you really are at the mercy of something greater than ourselves. We cannot control anything in life expect how we look at it and how we respond to it.

It's good that you are feeling and expressing your emotions. It's healthy. Get it out. In time you might come to some sort of peace with the miscarriage and realize that this is a great lesson of letting go of control and just surrendering to a wisdom greater than our own, and trusting that. There is nothing we can do about miscarriage. It's out of our control.

My thoughts will be with you.


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## Chi-Chi Mama (Mar 13, 2002)




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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Abylite, a warm and gentle welcome to Mothering. I'm sorry this sad event has brought you here.

As common as miscarriage is it's always devistating when it happens to you. Many women here know the pain you're experinecing. I hope you feel comfortable sharing and learning in this forum.

You have so many questions now and you're wondering if you can trust your body again. This is all normal greiving. Please be gentle with yourself as you travel this road of greif. Give yourself permission to take the time you need to move through this.

Take good care of yourself. Try to rest as much as possible, eat healthy and keep your body well hydrated.

You'll be in my thoughts.

Gently,

Jacque


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## symbiosis (Dec 6, 2001)

Abylite,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried the day after Thanksgiving and still feel waves of grief, emptiness, sadness and realize there is a lot left to my journey before I can heal.

I think the depth of pain that a woman experiences can be overwhelming.

As I have to remind myself now and again, allow yourself to grieve the loss of your child. The "outside world" may not validate this loss for you but that doesn't mean that it should be given any less value. This was a child. A child of yours that you and your dh created and a child you carried and nurtured for nine wonderful weeks.

And remember...you are NOT a failure.

Please visit this forum often as it is a tremendous help. Sometimes just hearing the stories of others can be healing - especially if you find something within them that you can relate to.

Ann


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

- Amy


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