# appt for elective abortion wednesday



## anj119

i see only one other post on elective abortion in this forum. i hope im not offending or inappropriate in my post. i am tortured over this decision. i cant belive i am actually considering it.
i am not married but have been with d for three years. been living together and loving one another for long enough to begin making plans for marriage and family even asked my mother for my hand in marriage and took a trip out of state to meet his fam.
d is divorced 7 yrs. his only child born with heart defects which ended her life at 10 days and ended his marriage a short time after. i have a girl, 7 years old . i share custody with her dad whom i never married. i have been very honest with d about not wanting to repeat performance. (child outside of marriage) he assured me we would marry, wanted to first introduce me to his family who live far away. and his enthusiasm to get pregnant far exeeded mine. with the trip to meet the folks only a week away, i began to feel the first changes in my body telling me i was pregnant. i was both thrilled to share the news with d and a bit disappointed that it happened before we married. d was estatic as i knew he would be and i had all confidence that after the trip to MT we could finally marry and prepare for the birth of our baby.

the trip was a nightmare. after a 12 hour ride across the rockies and my first time on a train, i was so sick with severe nausea and nerves, i could barely make it through the nice lunch his parents took us to. 14 people from d's family traveled to stay easter wknd at his parents home and though large, the house was packed. i tried to smile and be open and friendly while my head was spinning my eyes swimming and legs swaying from the effects of both my pregnancy and the train. i felt bad about having to lie down while the family assembled . by dinner i felt worse, my condition being compounded by the realization that i was very far from being at my best and the importance of the occation. d shared with me that his sister in law, with whom we had made the trip from ID, had shared with him that she was not happy with my language in front of her 9 yr old and that she felt i had beed rude to her husband (d's brother). i fell apart crying uncontollably in the arms of my fiance who tried to console me to no avail. after a long tirade from me he conceeded to get a room in a local hotel rather than send me home which was what i had been demanding. i cannot account for the strength of my desire to be away from the family i had come to get to know. i only know that i was horrified by the thought of having to face them in my condition and i stayed the following day alone at the hotel in misery. d stayed with me both nights and was very gentle but i knew that he did not understand why i could not come with him and spend time with them. on sunday morning we prepared to leave for home, meeting at his folks house with sister in lsw, brother and daughter to drive home this time in the new car which his parents had given to his brothers family. after very breif farewell, we set off toward home stopping in a town about 3 hrs away where we visited d's graandfather who was not expected to make it out of the hospital. the visit was painfull for d but important and i felt proud to be by his side. he thanked me for coming with him telling me how much he loved me. we stopped for lunch on the way out of town and sat eating in mc d's playland. i was unnerved by my proximity to some 20 children doing what kids at playland do- screaming thier heads off. i got up and moved explaining that i thought we would hear enough shreiking of kids on the way home. wrong thing to say. sister in law took great offense and felt i had insulted her child. i started to explain i meant no disrespect but quickly the subject turned to my absence over the wknd and her feeling that i was breaking d's heart and that i had been very rude. she ended the conversation by announcing that i would not be allowed to ride in her car any further and that she would buy bus ticket home for me. at the station, d handed me the ticket and 20 dollars. do you agree with this i asked him. theyre my family he explained shrugging. i did not plan it , but i felt my fist raise up and strike him in the jaw. no one but us saw it, as the others we were traveling with were waiting in the car. he looked very hurt as he walked away. all i could feel at the time was terrible rejection and angry sadness. i began to feel the fear when i realized my bus didnt leave until 6:45pm. it was 1:30. i arrived back home about one in the morning. the bus station was dark and empty- no one was there to get me. hollow fear.

i called d he came. his first words to me were "what?!" back at home we fought . how could you do this to me? he told me he needed time away. i clung to himsobbing. he told me he wanted me to get an abortion and move out. i refused to belive what i was hearing but after almost 2 days of escalation i could not avoid the truth of his demand that i leave. he just needed his space he said he needed time to think. he felt cold inside felt no love for me anymore its over he said. the shock of this still wipes me out. the trust i built in this man had stood stongly for 3 years and the love we shared was true. yet, in the space of 12 hours it seemed i did not even know him. i went to stay with my mother for a few days. i caught him in several lies about where he would be, once stopping by the house in tears to find he and sister in law in formal dress preparing to see a play. i apolo9gized to her then but was absolutely devestated by his friendship with her and his contempt for me.

now i am here at home we have been to pp and made the appt for the very next day. i called and delayed until wednesday. d is out of town with the n'tnl guard for the wknd and i was able to talk him into letting me stay here while hes away. it is such a foreign feeling to not be able to share affection with him. i am of course hurt terribly by his refusal to even consider working this out. i am so lost in my own soul, i am trying to come to some acceptance of the separateness of our lives but fear chases me constantly driving me down. i keep hoping i'll find the bottom of this despair but the theme of this entire two weeks has been 'just when i thought it couldent get any worse.....' . i keep hoping but that is almost as painfull as looking honestly at the horrible condition my life is in, really. i am so sorry for my part in this tragedy and would do anything to heal the wounds. d seems to belive he can not heal and love me. he has totaly left vacant his position as friend , partner, and parent and i am faced with the consequences that has for me and our baby. i never would have considered parenting another child alone. and i still ddo not want that for me or my baby. it is just so hard to give up to the degree of aborting this child. there is a part of me that refuses to give up hoping. but that part of me could trap me into a life i do not want. i need to be brave and know that i am doing the right thing. i wish i had time to wait and see if i could find a way to reach d's heart, but i am 10 weeks and they only give up to 12 where i live.

god, i think i wrote at least 6 volumes here. anyone still with me?
i will stop for i fear im taking years off your life. alot of pain pours out of me i thank you for the space to share all this.

sincerely, anj119


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## ekblad9

I sent you a private message.


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## lotusdebi

*


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## Unreal

no answers for you...just lots of























I don't get the whole "they're my family" thing....what does that make you and the babe? Something other than family?








Screw that!! No one deserves to be so disrespected!

All I can suggest is that *if* you decide to have the abortion, make sure it is YOUR choice.
There are tons of single mamas out there...
whatever you choose is totally up to you, but don't feel trapped--it is your body, your life, etc...
You have options, and it is up to you to choose between them (as hard as that is).

I wish I could offer you more....










I'm a firm believer of whatever choice you make, as long as you think it through and know all your options, is the right choice.


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## chrissy

Oh, I am so glad you came here. Make sure you keep coming. The mamas here will help you get through this.

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Know that I am sending all kinds of hugs and healing to you.

I don't know what you should do but I will do anything I can do to help you. I can tell you are not taking this decision lightly and I believe you will come to the right decision for you.








to you,


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## rwikene

I am at a complete loss for words!!! What a shocker for you









I want to be so helpful to you, say the right things, not let my own personal feelings get in the way. I really do, so please only take what I say next with a grain of salt.

It might be helpful if you didn't make such a life altering decision in the midst of all your pain. Right now things may look so dark for you, but in a few weeks you might be able to weigh the pros and cons better. What would happen if you got the abortion and then a week later he wanted you back? That could be equally devistating.

He may not *know* what he is doing right now, don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to defend his behaviour. But you know, sometimes when you have family breathing down your neck about something, you say things you don't mean. How long is his sister going to be in town? It might be a good idea to talk to him in a couple of weeks and ask what he would really like you to do.

I really hope I didn't come off harsh, that wasn't my intent. I wish quick healing for you









I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now, but you are strong...you can make it! Only you know how much you can handle....you will make the right decision. No matter what you decide


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## Quirky

I am so sorry. Is there any way you can talk to PP and put your appointment off for another couple of weeks, until the 12 week mark - if only to give yourself a little more time to work through what you need to in order to make the choice that's right for you.

Sending you lots of


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## JessicaS

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am shocked your partner was so cavalier about using protection and then so casually disregarded your relationship and your condition. He sounds seriously screwed up. If his family *does* live 12 hours away how can they have such an impact on him? How could he just turn and forget about a relationship and child at the drop of a hat?

anj, this is a terrible terrible situation and I am so sorry for your grief and pain. It might be a good idea to wait a week but it sounds like you have made your decision. I am sorry you have been placed in this position.


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## gurumama

You know, a few things struck me about your post:

* You'd been together for 3 years but this was the first time you met his family? Had he been keeping you from them for some reason?

* You both wanted kids, but within marriage, and he was more enthusiastic about getting pregnant. Yet when you did get pregnant, this is how he treated you?

* Did his family know you were pregnant, so they could understand your exhaustion and nausea during the visit?

It's HORRIBLE what he's done to you. He seems to have just flicked his feelings off like hitting a light switch--after 3 years! And his enthusiasm for getting pregnant died just as quickly, and he seems to have zero interest in the baby you're carrying--I am so sorry you're going through this.

I realize you have the 12 week mark looming over your head, and I personally support a woman's right to choose whatever she wishes to do, but can you also buy some time by seeing if there are states nearby where you can have the abortion done a little later, to buy yourself even a few extra weeks so that this decision can be made with a clearer mind?

Fundamentally, though, you seem to be taking this very seriously and you HAVE experience raising a child alone. You know what it entails and have every right to choose what you feel you need to do. I hope you have some support in your life and yes, do come here for support as well.

Best to you,

Mel


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## BeeandOwlsMum

Oh honey







. I would have hit him too. And I am not a violent person.

I have a good friend who went though something similar, and had the abortion. But because hse made the decision in the midst of the emotional turmoil, she never fully reconciled it.

You do what you need and want, not what he needs and wants, he has pretty successfully removed himeself from the picture in my mind. His unwillingness to side with you over that weekend and then to leave you alone at the bus station like that mean to me has has no say...especially given his recent treatment.

I wold say put off the appointment and really feel what you need.

good luck and please - keep coming here for support!!! We will love on you and give you all the







and







you need.

PM me if you want to talk.


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## GoodWillHunter

Quote:

_Originally posted by gurumama_
*You know, a few things struck me about your post:

* You'd been together for 3 years but this was the first time you met his family? Had he been keeping you from them for some reason?

* You both wanted kids, but within marriage, and he was more enthusiastic about getting pregnant. Yet when you did get pregnant, this is how he treated you?

* Did his family know you were pregnant, so they could understand your exhaustion and nausea during the visit?

It's HORRIBLE what he's done to you. He seems to have just flicked his feelings off like hitting a light switch--after 3 years! And his enthusiasm for getting pregnant died just as quickly, and he seems to have zero interest in the baby you're carrying--I am so sorry you're going through this.

I realize you have the 12 week mark looming over your head, and I personally support a woman's right to choose whatever she wishes to do, but can you also buy some time by seeing if there are states nearby where you can have the abortion done a little later, to buy yourself even a few extra weeks so that this decision can be made with a clearer mind?

Fundamentally, though, you seem to be taking this very seriously and you HAVE experience raising a child alone. You know what it entails and have every right to choose what you feel you need to do. I hope you have some support in your life and yes, do come here for support as well.
*
My feelings entirely. Hugs to you and much love to you. If you need to talk, let me know.


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## LizD

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been in just as awful a situation with in-laws or quasi-in-laws. Some families are just not made up of nice people.

I have also had a late-term abortion which was very, very hard, so I understand what you are and will be going through as regards that. Even when it is the right decision, carefully considered, it can be excruciating.

If this is how horribly they treat you now, do you want to be the mother of a family member of theirs? Forgive me for the callousness but it is a fact to be considered.

Please PM me if you wish. I have also had trepidation about discussing elective abortion; it is difficult for many to be open-minded and kind when it conflicts with their beliefs. Lots of luck and love to you,
LizD


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## Ms. Mom

My heart is just breaking for you. I can only imagine the pain you must be going through.

You will be supported here no matter what you decide. In the mean time, please make sure to take care of yourself physically. Try to eat healthy and keep your body hydrated. No matter what you decide, you're going to need to take care of yourself.

Try to reach out to friends and family who will understand and support you. Do you have a sister or close friend who knows you well and can help guide you?

Being that I don't know you personally, I could not give you advice on what to do. However, I do second the suggestion to give it another week or so and check into neighboring states laws on abortion. You seem to have a clear head on raising a child as a single mother and you know how an abortion will effect you emotionally.

You'll be in my thoughts.


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## its_our_family

I would have hit him too! So, you are not alone on that one!

I agree with what some others have said. Don't make any life altering decisions in the heat of the moment.

I can understand why you were overwhelmed. It may have had nothing to do with your "condition". I think anyone meeting their soon-to-be's family would fel boxed in if they were staying in a house with 14 ppl they didn't know and expect to be up to everything the family was doing. You had enough stress not to be added to. His sister sounds like a real pill!

I think that this was just an over-all bad situation.


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## anj119

i am so glad i came here. to those who posted, i express my most heartfelt graditude for your support and feedback. there is just something very reassuring and validating in hearing your thoughts and feeling cared about despite the fact we are strangers. (some stranger than others







)

d got back from drill yesterday night. he still is distant and chilly. i overheard him on the phone with his dad repeating his mantra of the last few weeks. "i want to be alone." also heard him telling dad the appt was still on for wed. i talked to him a bit about what had caused this sudden reversal of his, he could not offer me any reason or explaination other than that he feels he is "screwed up". (as if this were not glaringly obvious) i suggested to him that he try to remember what it felt like when we were still happy about this baby, as it appears to me that he has shut himself off from his feelings and is afraid to begin to feel them again. he agreed to try. he said he would think about trying to work this out with me but i honestly have very little confidence that he will think about it and actually try to live it.

anyways, i just wanted to tell you that i have gained so much from your warm support and encouragement. i truly owe you a deep debt of gratitude.

sincerely, anj


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## carmen veranda

Anj

I am so so sorry....Please know you are in my thoughts as you make these choices. And live through the lose of this love.

Imnsho If he is able to turn off his "love" for you and his child like he has shown you he can, he is not "loving" anyone, just himself. I can't imagine what might make him turn them back on and leave them on. What if he comes back to you and then is able to just turn off again, later, if you have the baby? Plus your child would have those people for relatives...

I am so not trying to talk you into or out of anything. I am sure you have examined this from every angle and backwards and forwards. I just am freaking out over his astonishing behaviour. Be so careful with your heart.

I am a single mom. I totally understand you not wanting to do that again. I offer you all the support I can. I wish you could feel joy about this pregnancy, like you once did. I wish for you peace...


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## homebirthing

edited


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## 5796

I want you to know....this was the first thread that I actually printed so that I could read it multiple times. There is so much going on here...that I knew I needed to read it multiple times.

I want to say something that strikes me and it actually is not about your appointment for next week......

My feelings are that you are in the middle of a power squeeze. I don't know how old you are or how many life experiences you have had so I don't know if you understand it when I say it...but you are being squeezed by your sister in law.

My guess is that if "D" had a wife and child it would upset the power within the family. She sounds like she is pretty comfortable being the....and i'm guessing, "perfect" little wife and mother with the children and probably favored grandchildren in the family. Thus the snippy comment that she didn't like the way you spoke around her children.... She was probably very comfortable with your partner as the Man with the divorce, the lost child, live-in girlfriend....basically nothing she values. And when she finally met you she saw you as a threat.... and let me tell you once she saw you as a threat she 'took' you on.... and I"m sure she bitched to high heaven about you behind your back and stirred up trouble and next thing you know she got D completely in her camp and you were left out in the cold.

I say, "f*** her". By the way, if she didn't like your language in front of her child...she would just LOVE me.

But back to my point.... she saw you as a threat and she stirred up trouble.
Now the other piece to this puzzle and again... I don't know if this will make sense to you.... but "D" seems to be very mixed up about his own role in the family. I just get this feeling that he has been pidgeon holed as something...and whatever it is... it changes if he marries you and has a child with you.

there are a lot of roles in families, especially families which are dysfunctional (and that's what you 've got on your hands).... There is frequently...the misfit child, the child who is the hero...the child who is lost.... there are lots of roles that people take. "D" probably fits somewhere and being mature and following his love and commiting to her in a signficant way... does not fit his 'role' or something... And thus he is 'confused."

You got played and he got played.... And then added to mess is your tremendous hormones...which I'm sure are going at full speed.

I believe in a woman's right to chose and you are definitely not taking this casual and are thinking long and hard....

I don't know you so I can't say what you should do...but I will tell you, if you were my friend I would take you out get you something girly like a manicure, something frilly and bring you home and make you herbal tea and let you cry and yell and get it all out of you.

If we really talked it down and I heard in you that you really were not at all at peace with this abortion then I would say, "Screw her and that whole family..you are no where at peace on having an abortion so I say have your baby and let them come around on YOUR terms." I would also say you need to get in a new living situation right away because you are in a beholding position with D and that is impacting your decision.

Or if we really talk it out and I really heard commitment and a real large percentage of you was not happy with it but REALLY knew this was the right thing to do...then I would probably say, "Okay, if you need me to..I'll drive you to the appointment."

Those are the things I would say....

One last thing... I'm totally pro-choice. But I really just don't see your situation as an abortion issue but more of a 'f*** up family issue."

You need a good girlfriend to help you right now and you need to be unavailable to D until he has something to say to you of some worth. Right now, he is a guy just reacting and scared and that's not helpful.


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## Piglet68

My heart goes out to you, anj. I can't imagine going through what you are with the added hormonal cyclone of pregnancy to deal with.

I can't give you an answer about whether to continue with your pregnancy or not. I am very pro-choice, but I have to tell you that in your post I hear that you really don't want to end this pregnancy. I find when I'm confused about "A" or "B" I tend to know the answer when I make a choice. I either immediately feel at peace, or I remain deeply troubled. You have made the appointment but you don't seem at peace with that, which is why I say maybe deep down that's not what you want. Then again, I can understand you not wanting to bring a child into the world with this man and his family after all the rejection you've sufffered at their hands.

May you find the answer in your heart, and the strength to carry out your decision, whatever that may be.


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## spero

Quote:

I am pro-life and do not think that there is any reason to kill a child. I am not sure if I am allowed to say that here. There are so many people who would help you. So many people who would raise your child in love and family. Adoption. So many people who could give your baby, your wonderful baby, a home and love and a future. If there is anything that I can do for you, please tell me. I am not Christian, but I believe in the right to life. Talk to someone, there are so many people who will help you and your baby. Don't make a decision out of fear of abandonment. Please, think about it very carefully, you can never get your baby back. If there is anything that I can do...
I AM Christian, and I agree wholeheartedly. I am praying that you consider adoption. If your baby was already born, wouldn't you do anything to protect him/her from harm? Why should it be different now? Your baby is blindly trusting you to protect him/her.

There are so many loving families out there who would be so willing to raise this child...please, PLEASE consider that. Don't do something rash just because you are in emotional turmoil...it is not just *your* welfare at stake here.

A big







to you and to your unborn baby.


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## Jane

I'm sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. I do not know what the right choice for you will be, but I hope you find it soon.

Just personal opinion here: I just don't see adoption as an option when you have an older child. I see protecting her as more important. After all, she was conceived in somewhat similar circumstances, and yet she was not adopted out. Wouldn't you be telling her that after the whole experience you regret rasing her?


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## Ms. Mom

There's a lot of heart and deep emotions here. This is a topic that makes us all think and feel deeply.

Everyone has been respectful here, but I can see where emotions could run high. Let's all try to remember to be respectful even if we don't agree with anothers opinions.

Thank you all for your love and understanding. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to pm myself or abimommy any time. We really are here to help!

Love and gentleness to everyone.


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## karenpl

No advice, just {{{ HUGS }}} and positive thoughts that you will make the decision that is best for you! He sounds like a loser, so sorry you have to go through all this!

Karen


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## FreeRangeMama

I just wanted to mention that maybe the loss of his first child is contributing to the way he is behaving. The prospect of a new baby (even one that he originally wanted) would definately bring up a lot of the old pain surrounding that loss as well as create the fear of losing another child (which can make anyone act irrationally). That doesn't necessarily excuse his behavior, but its one more thing to consider. I hope whatever decision you come to you can find peace in it








Laurie


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## anj119

well, wednesday came and i didnt go. this upset d and he told me in no uncertain terms we are over and i am not welcome here in our home. i refused to go and he left angrily returning with his brother to get his overnight bag. this morning he returned for a change of clothes saying nothing to me but "excuse me" when i tryed to make eye contact with him.

the police got here about an hour ago, delivering a temporary restraining order against me for hitting d at the bus station. in his statement to the police, d says that after he handed me the ticket, he was going back to the car to get more money to take the bus with me. he planned to go with me he says until i hit him. so that is just one of the cruel twists in this story. i cant belive it this hurts so much.

i will probably not have access to the internet for a while and wanted to say thank you all for your presence. it means more to me than most anything right now.

tearfully, anj


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## rwikene

this is so hard right now, I'm sorry you have to go through this


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## BeeandOwlsMum

Oh honey







- he sounds like a big fat schmuck. And you are better off without him. I hope that this works out for the best for you...keep us posted!! Much







to you!


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## Lucky Charm

I am so sorry. this is awful. there isnt a word bad enough to describe him. good luck.


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## Ms. Mom

You can always go to a library for a little internet access. Please know we're here to support you in what ever you decide.

The situation between you and D sounds very complex at this time. Try to think things through with your head and not your heart. This can be so hard when your feeling so vulnerable.

If you've decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, know that you have several months to work out the details. There are many organizations you can reach out to for help and guidance.

What ever you decide, be strong in your decisions and know that you don't deserve this.


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## ekblad9

I pmed you again. Please try to keep in touch. You're in my thoughts and prayers.


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## homebirthing

Good for you for staying home on Wednesday! I have had you in my thoughts and will keep you in them. If you are ever in Minnesota, I have an extra room if you ever need it. I know that things are hard and painful right now, but you are so strong and you have many many months before your wonderful baby is here. If there is anything that I can do for you, please let me know. Let me know if you need extra anything... you are going to be a wonderful mama to your babe as I am sure you are a wonderful mama to your child. There are wonderful support groups that you can go to, which probably doesn't help much right now..but anything that I can do for you, I will.


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## jannan

anj119, your post was hard to read. please don't listen to the people who preach adoption. listen to apricot . your daughter needs you now. i went through the same exact thing last jan. I honestly don't think i couldv'e made it through what happened with out all the support i got here on the boards. I 'm sorry . I resent people telling you to consider adoption. Like you haven't already considered it. adoption sounds good in theory... I should just pm you..........


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## lilyka

Would D consider famiuly counseling? You may not have had anything on paper but you shared a home, and are having a child together, have been together for a long time so lets face it, you were his wife regardless of how you described your relationship. Maybe there was some misunderstanding that led to the whole fight, someone had to say somehting to him. It is so bizaar from start to finish. He was obviously offended by something you did, OK fine, time for him to get over it. he could at least explain what you did that ticked him off so bad. I am sure you aren't above apologizing if he will just let you know what the hell you did that was so bad. Maybe somehting seemed innocent enough but there was a whole long history there. How are you supposed to know these things.

I hope this all works out. I will be praying for you and your baby and even d and his family.


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## carmen veranda

I am so sorry for the deep, soul retching pain you are in. All I want to say, is to take care of yourself. Just get through one day at a time. Eat well, drink water, get sleep and gentle exercise. You can live through this, as hard as it seems at this moment. I believe in you, and am sending you love and warmth and care.


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## Kmarie

I, like the many others, am sorry you are feeling such lonliness and pain. This being an open forum, I should let everyone know that I know you personally (outside this chat room) and so if my advice seems somewhat outside the discussion going on here, well, thats because I am considering other infomation, that may be known only to you and I and others who know you.

I know its a difficult choice, trust me, I have been there. I am sure you well remember the many conversations we had while I was in a position close to yours. So I have to be straight with you. Here are the things I think you should consider prior to deciding to have a second baby:

You have only just begun to re-establish a connection with your daughter. She needs you. You are her mother. Bringing another child into the world at this point will likely put enormous pressure on a currently fragile relationship. Do you think your relationship can withstand such pressure, do you think your daughter should have to share you at this point? She has hardly even had you the past few years. If you could focus on making your life a place where she feels comfortable, I believe you both would experience tremendous joy and happiness.

I know you know the pressures of a new baby, can you emotionally handle those pressures right now. Although no one in this discussion line has really focused on it, it seems to me like when you are feeling overwhelmed, you are turning to violence. No one ever deserves to be hit. Violence is not a solution, especially not between loved ones. I can hear the regret in your voice and believe you are sorry for hitting "d" - but the point to focus on is why your coping mechanisms are so a wry. Its time to focus on YOU. Not time to focus on a new child. You need to deal with you, before you can be an effective mother to a new baby.

Lastly, you are young! there is plenty of time to have a baby inside a loving relationship (or outside if that is what you chose) after you have taken care of some other pressing issues in your life, namely yourself and your daughter. Take the time now to clear out your grief, deal with the issues floating around you and then later, once you are healed have a baby if you want.

Ok couch, that is what I have to say. I sent you some PM or e-mail or whatever. Contact me... I am still here and will be here, as always
k


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## turquoise

Dearest love. You have three choices - each have their pros and cons. At the end of the day, you and only you will face the reprocussions of the path you choose. I've been there and I feel for you, but no one but you knows the full extent of your situation. I wish someone could give you your answer. Many will try to tell you "do this" or "do that" but that does not make it their decision, nor does it make it the right decision. That is your responsibility, and it is only yours to say which is right. I wish I could give you an answer, I wish I could take your pain. Your choices are simple but so hard. You can have your baby and keep it, you can ...., or you can have your baby and allow another family to adopt it. I'm so sorry you have to make this choice, I hope you choose what is best for you and your child, and no one else because that is what matters. It's your heart, it's your choice. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I've been to that crossroad and reading your post makes it hurt all over again.

Best of luck to you. Lots of love to you. Keep your head up.


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## chrissy

Anj, I've been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. Please let us know.








to you,


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## jannan

please check in.


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## Mutherluv

Hi, I'm soo sorry for all the heartache you are going through! I just wondered, I read you mention your mother. Could you maybe lean on your mother if you would decide to have this baby? Another thing, d would be responsible for child support ect. I know it can be scarry to be a single mother, but from the way your talking I think you may regret terminating the pregnancy. I will be thinking of you in my prayers.


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## candiland

**repeat post**


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## candiland

It is not your fault, nor the baby's, that this guy is such a "bleep, bleep, bleeping bleep". (Foul language edited)
I can tell you from experience, though, that once the baby is born and you move forward, past the wallowing and the sorrow, that it will probably be the most joyous experience... you will thank this "beep beep" later for the amazing gift he bestowed on you. Please take the baby's feelings into consideration, as well as your own. Try to make decisions based out of love, not fear


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## Kmarie

Time to check in ms. anj.
many of us, although I speak for myself primarily, are wondering where you are and HOW YOU ARE DOING, please post a note. Whatever you decide, my dear friend, we (I) am here. After all this time, I expect you know you can't really do anything to shake me. I am here and waiting. You, after all, remain my couch and I your friend. Please let us (me) know that you are there and OK - or that you are there and not OK.
as always,
k


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## anj119

well, finally, hello to you all. it has been some time since i have been able to access the internet and i see that some of you have actually been worried about me.







thank you.

i am ok. the situation between d and i is not better. of course i wish it were, but that wish is not catapulting me into the depths of sorrow on an hourly basis or even a daily one. i am still unresolved on what to do about this pregnancy. i am resolved to carry my baby to term, and am looking into adoption as an option for the future.

i really just wanted to tell you thank you for your continued support despite my long absence. im not sure when i will be able to check in again, but will as soon as its possible.








anj119


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## asherah

I wish you strength and light as you work through your decision.


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## ekblad9

You and your baby have been in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to pray for you.


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## KatherineinCA

Thanks so much for letting us know how you're doing. May you be surrounded by love and support during this pregnancy!

Love,
Katherine


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## spero

Quote:

_Originally posted by ekblad7_
*You and your baby have been in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to pray for you.*
Ditto.


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## Kmarie

Thanks for checking in ... hope to hear from you MORE ... as always,

k


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## JessicaS

I wish you the best of luck.


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## dallaschildren

I do not want to offer my personal opinion..just my support. Please take care of yourself and make the right decision for YOU. God Bless.


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## Caring Touch

I too am deeply sorry for your heartache.

I kind of have a different feel from everything though.

Throughout the beginning of your post you had nothing bad to say about your 'd'. Only how kind and caring he was.

Then within one weekend that all changed. It doesn't sound like it's typical behavior from him.

Instead of reacting to his hurt, confusion, and betrayal I would like to suggest that you still act loving toward him. If he really was so good to you though the years and there was a lot of love, then his deep core issues are surfacing here and he needs compassion and understanding.

I know it's easy to feel defensive and protective when you have been randomly violated like that. But in life it's also very key to be flexible with your thoughts and not come back at your loved ones with gloves on when they are clearly hurting.

Maybe you could be very kind and soft toward him. Talk to him gently and lovingly. Do this for as long as you can and when he tries to sting you do not react to it. Just come back trying to love and understand him more. This should melt him and he won't be on the defensive anymore.

If he is then you can truly walk away knowing that you did everything you could as a strong, loving woman with integrity to save the relationship and heal much faster than if you fight back or attack him back because that is truly pointless.

I have a great quote that says...

"If I defend myself then I am attacked, but in defensivelessness I will be strong and learn what my defenses hide".

Maybe this is a great lesson in learning how to love. How to love another even when they are acting ugly and how to love yourself even when you are alone.

Without true love any way the situation unfolds there will only be scars.

Please keep us posted.


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## anj119

k marie.........check your personal messages, will you?









i thank you. the couch.


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## Kmarie

couch

i sent you a message ...


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## Kmarie

to all of those who are interested in anj119's fate and have followed this thread for the last months, she is doing well... she is nearing her due date, which is about 3 weeks away. At this point she is planning on chosing an adoption route... I am sure she would love some support at this point, so all of you nice mothers send her some love...


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## 5796

ditto.

hugs.


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## rwikene

so glad to hear things are going well







this must be a very hard decision to make. You are a strong woman, and a wonderful mama to do this

good luck, let us know how the birth goes for you

Rachel


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## JessicaS

I am so glad to hear she is doing ok.

Love? Of course..

anj...












































You are an amazing women who, if you choose to adopt will give a couple an amazing gift. If not well, you'll have an amazing gift of your own.

Either way, I admire you.


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## Ms. Mom

anj, I've been thinking about you. You absolutely have my love and support in the comming months.


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## chrissy

Lots and lots of love and support your way anj! Adoption is truly a loving courageous thing to do. If you are not able to parent this baby in the way you think she needs and deserves to be parented then you are giving HER (or him) a huge gift, as well as the adoptive parents, by choosing adoption.

Tons of love to you in whatever you decide.


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## spero

anj, you are a brave and generous woman to do this for your child. Wishing you a peaceful birth and beyond.


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## Irishmommy

I'm so glad for an update. You have been, and will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## ekblad9

Thanks for the update. She's been in my thoughts and prayers as has the baby.


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## carmen veranda

Thanks for the news. Anj and the baby have been in my heart. I am sending you strength and love. Peace.


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## Cadensmom

wow, you are a very strong woman! i think you made the right decision... good luck with everything!


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## jannan

anj, the best to you. you have done the best thing you could ever do. i really admire you.


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## Mutherluv

Dear Anj, I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your up and comming birth. I really admire you for sticking out the pregnancy, and bringing a new life into the world. I really hope things work out for you and your family. God bless, and good luck


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## cortsmommy

Bless you Anj for choosing the life of your child. Adoption is a truly beautiful thing. Blessed Be.


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## pamelamama

and warm thoughts.


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## girlfactory

Anj, I sit here crying for you...........I can't imagine the despair you must feel. My heart is aching for you, and I surely wish I had the answers. I won't pretend to know the right thing to do; only you hold that in your heart of hearts. I can only offer you comfort and the assurance that you're not alone in this world.


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## 5796

Does anyone have an update on Anj?

tracy


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## spero

Wow...I was just thinking of Anj the other day, too.


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## ekblad9

I got a PM from her a while back. All is well and she has a healthy baby girl!


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## Ame




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## Kmarie

Anj and her baby daughter are doing fine - she is back together with the Baby's father and they have recently married. Unfortunately, the baby's father was recently sent for a tour of duty in Iraq - so she is temporarily a single mother...


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## its_our_family

I take it that they kept the baby







I'm glad she is doing well... now we can all pray for her Husband!


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## 5796

Oh, my goodness, I'm totally shocked. This is a complete turn of events, he wasn't even near the scene and suddenly back in and married.

if anyone can share how the twist happened I would love to hear in the meantime hugs, hugs, hugs to anj and her daughter and her older daughter and her husband.

tracy


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## BunintheOven

Holy, I read this whole thread, I'm so glad things worked out, and baby girl is healthy and with her mommy.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt

Oh MY Goodness...I thought I was going to fall of my chair a few times while I was reading this thread..only out of SHOCK!!! Actually not shock...well you know...
SO MUCH LOVE TO YOU Anj...

What is the new baby's name??? When was she born...?


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