# Broken - I'm Broken



## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Not only did my body somehow kill my baby... but now I'm broken.









It's been almost 2 months since he died (and was born) and my period hasn't come back. I have NO idea what's going on with my body. None. I started temping (just for chucks and giggles) and had a temp rise and FF said I ovulated right around May 8. It's now 22 DPO, according to the chart. Now, granted, maybe I didn't ovulate. But it's been two months... shouldn't I have had a period already? WTH???

I'm really mad at my body. I hate this waiting waiting waiting. I feel like I'm in some weird sort of limbo. I just want cycles to start again, the wheel to start turning, so I can feel like I'm going in a forward direction.

I'm hoping just posting this will, by Murphy's Law, force AF to show. Come on, lady, let's get this show on the road already!







:

(btw, POAS on the 11th, 19th and 27th - all BFN. I'm not pg.)


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

I couldn't read this without offering you a







I'm sorry for your loss. You are not broken


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

AWwww hunny! You are NOT broken! Not broken at all! Com one AF, show Dawn she's not broken!

*HUGE hugs* - trust me, you will be all right as rain physically, and soon. I know Shannon didn't actually get much of a cycle at all before she became pregnant again. She, like you, was waiting and waiting! Then she had a really wacky cycle and O'd on CD33 I think, and got pregnant. I O'd on CD31 (I honestly thought it was going to be anovulatory) and got pregnant. I even had mid-cycle spotting, which I absolutley never, ever have.

Our wombs just need a little time to calm down sometimes. XXXXX


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm also a little worried about being broken, but I'm telling myself that everyone seems to have different experiences with their first period, and JayJay and Shannon both got pregnant on weird cycles. Even though I think I have my period now, I've been bleeding for 10 days straight now, and had what I thought was a period something like 5 days before this one... I'm sure our bodies are just going back to normal and take a bit of time to settle down. I'll cross my fingers for you that you're ovulating without periods and that you'll get pregnant as soon as you want to.







:


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm sorry you are dealing w/this too.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

It took me almost six months after I had the twins and they weren't mine so I wasn't pumping or nursing for them. After we lost G, I don't think I got a real cycle for about six weeks and my loss was a second trimester loss. It takes time, mama. You're not broken.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisa_nc* 
It takes time, mama.

Grr. I know, I know, but I have nooooo patience right now. None. Zero. Nada.







:

And there's that nagging fear... what if something is _really_ wrong...


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I know that nagging fear, but you know, everyone does have that







I honestly don't think there is anyone who suffers a loss and then goes ahead and thinks everything is fine









Even my own mother - after her loss in '86, she did worry. They tried again about six months after Finn was born though, and hey presto, it didn't take them long to conceive my sister. Then, my other brother was born in 1991 - my youngest.

I love my mother! I am trying to get her to come on here and talk about her experience because it's been 23 years now and she's so very wise







She has a lot on her plate right now but promises that she will come when that's all done. I can't wait for her to join our community









*HUGE hugs* - you will be fine. Heck, I am, and I STILL can't believe it! XXX


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

Sorry AF is driving you nuts. I feel broken too most of them time. Give it time, I guess. Because your loss was such a late loss, could that affect your cycle? As in how some people get AF back late post partum?


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

I would bet that your body is taking the time it needs to recover from a full term pregnancy. It did some really hard work over the last year & needs time to restore itself again. The waiting limbo phase is miserable but I believe it will end for you & soon.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

Well, I had one normal period at the end of November.. Dresden was born September 9th. The I didn't ovulate until December 23rd! I also had some midcycle spotting (which lately seems to be a really lucky thing here!!) the pregnant cycle.. so nope, you're not broken at all! It sucks having to wait - but some of our bodies are just slower than others.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry. It is so very frustrating that we go through this on top of our horrible grief.

Now, Auntie Flo, if you're listening: There are lots of ladies on here who don't want you. Why don't you try visiting someone who DOES want you instead. Okay, deal?

Hope she's listening.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

(((HUGS)))
MY af didn't return for 11 weeks. Your not broken, it just takes time for your body to get back to a routine. I know it is difficult. (((HUGS)))


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

Just wanted to give you a







My miscarriage was over 5 months ago, and my cycles have been wonky ever since. I hope you get







soon.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Ahh, you're not broken, mama.







It does take time. I started spotting at 5 weeks pp and was frustrated I didn't actually get pp menses until 9 weeks pp. I O'd at 8.2 weeks.

I hope AF arrives soon.


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## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

I think we all feel broken some days. Have you spoken to your mw/ob about this? Perhaps your levels aren't right or something? Could you be expecting again??
I've been bleeding/spotting for a month now. Because the past few days have been a lot more bleeding, I'm guessing it's af, even though I never stopped spotting. I had to put a "clear" day on my chart, or it wouldn't have counted it as day 1. So according to them I did o, but I have no idea when I could have.
So I think maybe either way-either no bleeding, or bleeding for 4+ weeks is very frustrating, as we can't really chart anything, or know for sure if we did o or not.
But you're not broken. I would seek some answers from my mw if I were in your shoes.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

:







:







Not broken....

thought I'd offer a hug...after all the ones you have given me.







:
Sometimes the road to healing isn't so obvious as we would like. Your loss was tremendous mama...it's normal for your body to want to take time to heal, just as it would have done with your sweet baby in your arms. love yourself...and I'm sending love your way too.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

You aren't broken.









My cycle returned right at 8 weeks after my dd was stillborn. And even after it showed it was wonky for that first one. I'm sorry you are frustrated, it's the waiting that seriously sucks.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

"I am not in control, I am not in control, I am not in control..."

That's my new mantra.









You'd think I woulda learned that one, after a stillbirth...









Thanks you guys... you're right. I don't have to like it... but you're right!


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

I get the feeling that our bodies are as offended by our loss as we are. It takes them time to sort themselves out to a new normal.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

It's been 9 days since you posted? any period or pregnancy activity yet?


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