# At a loss w/ my 8 year old lying, stealing, manipulating



## capagrl (Jun 15, 2006)

So my 8 year old loves nothing more than getting his way - ALWAYS. He will argue every single directive *even* when an explanation is given (for example, "Please get your shoes on so we can get to karate class" and he'll say, "But I was going to feed the dog" or "But I want to get my money from my room" "But I need to go to the bathroom" - you get the picture - ANYTHING but compliance, right?). This happens with seemingly everything I say EVERY time I ask. He's homeschooled and it often takes me telling him upwards of TEN times to, "Please go get your workbook and pencil" - he may get one but not the other, he will walk toward the bookshelf but find a *different* book he'd "rather" read, he may stop to look at the baby's toys and start to play, he may need to suddenly pee or poop, he may suddenly be hungry/thirsty/tired or just unable to find what I've sent him for. When he finally has a book and pencil, it can takes up to an hour (or more) to do ONE page (we're not talking brain surgery here, we're talking *review* items). The stalling and dragging out of every single item is wearing me out completely.

As for stealing... he's taken money from his step-brother's room (I sent him there looking for a pair of sweatpants, he came out with $2, no sweatpants and stole his brother's white belt for karate b/c he'd lost his own), he's taken money directly out of my 'money jar' on the stove - no reason given, just saw my $10 and wanted it. He's stolen money from my DH's 'spare change' jar - the baby dumped some on the floor, so my DS thought he'd help himself to $3+ in change of his dad's, knowing full well it didn't belong to him. He also steals food - and by stealing, I mean he asked me at least 6 times if he could eat my (very expensive) diet bars and I told him, "no, these are special for my diet - you have other things you can eat like blah blah blah" Well, Saturday morning, he helped himself to the WHOLE box - at least 3 entire chocolate diet bars plus found some old Halloween candy up high in the cupboard. When DH & I came downstairs, we thought it odd that there were no cereal bowls in the kitchen sink and asked the boys if they'd eaten breakfast - we were met with two very solid, "NO" answers. Thus, we took the boys out for special breakfast and proceeded to have a very fun family day, happy knowing our boys weren't whining or anything else. Sunday, I found the empty box of diet bars in the cupboard and realized what happened. My son lied about taking them then finally admitted. He thought if he talked my stepson into eating them with him, he wouldn't be in as much trouble (major manipulation). When my stepson got home from his mom's Sunday evening, DH told him he was already busted and asked what else was eaten - that's how we found out about the other candy & such. When asked where the wrappers were, my son said in the trash, buried under stuff. DH checked - NO wrappers. When SS was asked where the wrappers were, he said they flushed them down the toilet (more manipulation, major show of *thought* going into the choice to lie & sneak, right?) - when DH asked my son *again* where the wrappers were and then added that SS had already told us where they were, *then* my son admitted to flushing them.

This is not a first, second or even 30th time something like this has happened. I understand lying to avoid consequences or fear of disappointment, but I do not understand the choice TO steal in the first place. Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? Clarity on the situation anyone??


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