# the 'they'll do it in their own time" support thread



## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I'm feeling the need for a like minded mamas thread. Anyone care to join me? I'm not interested in night weaning my DC, moving them out of the bed, etc... I let them do everything at their pace, whenever that may be. Which is where the need for a support thread comes in.









DD2 is only 13m old, the frequent night waking doesn't bother me, but what is getting to me is the fact she can't sleep on her own. I'm not expecting it for a while, DD1 wasn't able to until she was 2y, but I can vent about it.







She will sleep every now and then in the car, other then that she is only ever sleeping on top of me. Most of the time I'm fine with it, but it would be so nice just to have a nap here and there where I can spend some quality time with DD1 or *gasp* blissfully alone with no children. Or to carry on a conservation at night with DH above a whisper so we won't wake up sleeping baby on my lap.

On the plus side, DD1 who will be 5y next month, has very recently decided to put herself to bed every night in her own room.







: That feels strange, the child who nursed to sleep 100% of the time until she was 3y, is over snuggling and needing a parent at night time.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I'll join in! Dd wouldn't sleep without me forever.... and she still RARELY goes to bed before we do.

It will happen when it happens.... sigh...









-Angela


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I'll join in! Dd wouldn't sleep without me forever.... and she still RARELY goes to bed before we do.

It will happen when it happens.... sigh...









-Angela

Oh yes... I remember that very well.







: DD1 just stopped doing that.


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## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

this is going to be a cool therad. i can see this STTN and nightweaning threads all over the place...














e cosleep with both kids (28 mo and 8 mo) and not planning on nightweaning or separating them from us in the near future... only when they are ready.
i know it is not working for everybody but works for us.


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## southernmommie (Jan 7, 2007)

I have to say, in our house, my 5 yr. old and my just turned 2 yr. old both sleep with us. I think it has to do with my husband being military and is out to sea right now. I just got an email from him and he asked me if we could all sleep in the same bed when he got home too. I guess he was thinking that him and I would have some nookey?? As if at 35 weeks pregnant that is what I'm thinking about!







I just have to remind myself that at some point, my 5yr. old will want to sleep in his own bed again. He did fine in his bed until he started Kindergarten this year. But I am talking to hubby about homeschooling him after the holidays. But am waiting for him to get back so we can discuss it face to face.

It will happen. They are not going to want to sleep with us when they are teenagers, right?!


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## fawny (Jul 25, 2007)

I am joining! DD is going to sleep with us until she's ready for her own bed, besides I love snuggling with her all night! If I had to give that up and put her in her own bed I'd be as sad as she would!!!


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## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

my ds 16 months. I cannot imagine sleeping without him. At first, when I brought him into our bed at 4 months old, dh was saying, "He'll be out of our bed by the time he is 6 months old!" Now he is saying he can stay until he is 3







We love snuggling all together and is there anything better than those good morning snuggles? I also would hate to miss the sleep talking and signing.


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## AaronsMommy (Nov 18, 2007)

I'm in! I love sleeping with my baby as much as he loves being near me. Initially, my dh was very nervous, not only about the safety of our baby sleeping with us, but also about how long it would take for him to learn to sleep in his own bed. This only lasted until the first night my ds was rolling around and grunting unable to get comfortable, unable to fall asleep. He rolled all the way over to my husband, grabbed firmly onto his noise, sighed and fell asleep. My husband was so touched, he sat perfectly still (and breathed out his mouth) for much of the night and now he LOVES co-sleeping with our son. When he decides to sleep in his own bed, I will definitely miss hearing his baby snores in the middle of the night and his lazy smile first thing in the morning.

I think that the concept of "they'll do it in their own time" should translate to many areas of babydom in addition to co-sleeping.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

We're here!

We have the kids seperated, but still with a parent. But only because James *DOES* STTN (he'll be 3 in Jan) and Aldria doesn't (duh) and she keeps him up. James was grumpy and tired so we made the decision for Aldria and I to sleep in one room, with James and Daddy in another...for James' sake.

We're not planning on having James sleep alone antime soon. We own a toddler bed, but right now it's a 'laundy catcher'. We own a pack & play but it's a changing table and holds the diapers and infant carseat.









James started STTN on his own at around 2 years, shortly after I found out I was pregnant and then he weaned completly shortly ater that.









I can't imagine sleeping without my kids, I love to snuggle them.


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

I think I could use some support









DD still sleeps with us 100% of the time. I absolutely love it! We also have a toddler bed. She enjoys playing on it during the day









DD still nurses a few times at night, too. Sometimes that is frustrating, but I'm not really interested in night weaning - especially since she doesn't nurse during the day. Guess I'll just keep chugging along


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

I'm in too! DS just turned 1 today (ack!!!), but I'm getting all kinds of flack from people IRL to get him off bottles at night (he is FF due to an unsuccessful attempt at BFAR) and into his own bed.

No way no how!

I love sleeping with him (most nights







) It's so much more convenient having him right in bed with us. He generally wakes 3 times a night... there's just no way I'd be able to function if I actually had to get out of bed every single time. And he's not ready to nightwean in any way, shape or form. I'd secretly love it if he decided he was done with nighttime bottlenursing, but that's definitely not in the cards right now, and I know it.








*Peony* for the current full-body-contact sleeping of DD2. That's really got to be tough sometimes!


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## RockStarMom (Sep 11, 2005)

YAY!!! There have been so many nightweaning threads; I'm so happy to see this one.
My daughter is 2 and nurses about 3 times per night. Generally it's fine but I'm a single, full-time student and it can be really exhausting some nights when I'm only getting a few short hours of sleep as it is, or when she decides to nurse for an hour in the middle of the night when I'm trying to finish a research paper or something.








I haven't even gotten my daughter a bed or anything; I know she's nowhere near ready...and I'm certainly not ready either.


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

Mind if I join? I don't really *fit* thought since we just nightweaned, but NOT so DD would STTN (even when she'd nurse constantly all night long, I never wanted her to completely stop nursing at night...it just kinda weirded me out...but a few less would have been nice at times








)...just because it's SOOOO uncomfortable now that I'm pg. (we made previous attempts to nightwean her but after both of those I realized I wanted it to be on her own time, but I didn't realize I'd experience so much discomfort right from the start of being pg). But I can't imagine not sleeping with her. She'll be in our bed until she decides to head on out. We have the toddler bed sidecarred just for extra room (*I* sleep there mostly







) but even when she's sleeping in that it'll still be attached to ours. The sleeping thing is definitely one that I have to defend a lot, but I figure she's still a BABY! People are always complaining about how fast kids grow up yet they MAKE them grow up in so many ways...and plus, I think accomodating to babies who are more comfortable in bed with mommy and daddy is just a part of parenting and people should be willing to do it.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
We're here!

We have the kids seperated, but still with a parent. .


We did this for the past year. DD2 was on O2 for six months so we had to break off into two separate beds to make co-sleeping work with all the tubing. Then when we moved last spring, DH and DD1 moved to a separate room so I could to sleep in the am with DD2, plus DD1 has enlarged tonsils and snores like a banshee now. DD1 is now in her room, but I'm not comfortable with her sleeping downstairs by herself, so it looks like DH will be downstairs for some time to come.

Last night was the most miserable night I've had in a very long time. DD2 has been working on a tooth for weeks, so I'm running on empty anyway, we went to bed at 10pm. I finally got up to see what time it was at 12pm (I learned years ago to turn the clock away from the bed so I can't watch it at night), because I was so sure it was close to morning, that's how many times DD2 had woken up. I about cried when I saw what time it was. I don't even think I really slept until 3am, it was more of me just getting into a light sleep cycle and then DD2 fussing, clawing at me, etc... and waking me up. I have a R shoulder injury that is still healing, nursing on that side is not comfy, sleeping is a PIA, I have to be just right for my shoulder not to ache, and of course guess what side DD2 wanted to be plastered to. Finally slept from 3-6 until DD1 woke up bright eyed, DH is away on a business trip, usually he gets the am shift with DD1 until 7:45 when he has to leave for work.

Anyway, I was getting so peeved at DD2 last night, I have rarely gotten frustrated with her at night, but she was clawing at me all night, not wanting to nurse, just like if she could crawl inside my skin then she would. So tonight I'm getting a sore throat and I think that's why she was so miserable last night.









I'm sitting here crossing my fingers that DH's plane will be able to make it tonight, it's been raining/snowing for almost 24 hours now, cause I want to sleep in tomorrow!


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## jenkathryn (May 17, 2007)

I'd like to join too. DD sleeps with us and we love it. She is still doing lots of her naps attached to me (ironically she is sleeping independently now (I'm not ready for bed yet) on a blanket right next to me but that doesn't happen often.
Thanks!
Jen


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## pixilixi (Jun 20, 2006)

Yes, count us in too. Ds is 20 months old, he nurses to sleep every night, and I can't imagine him not sleeping in our bed - or at the very least, sleeping in our bedroom. It's really not an issue - as long as we don't mind sleeping horizontally on the bed.









As for nightweaning, during hard times, I would think to myself - "I can nightwean him if I *really* need to when he's 18 months"... then I kept shifting the benchmark... now, I don't think I'll bother at all - UNLESS I become pregnant (not planned at the moment anyhow) and I find it unbearable.

I can see that he is growing up in many other ways, the sleeping and nightnursing will change at some point. Of course, during the tough times, it is reassuring to read of other children who have matured and need less help at night-time - like the OP's older daughter.

Thanks for the thread Peony.


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## wondertwins (Oct 12, 2007)

I'd like to join. DH and I co-sleep with b/g 6 month old twins, who nurse throughout the night. We started out with a co-sleeper but now we're all in bed together. The babies take turns nursing basically all night, and maybe I'm in denial, but I feel like it's working out great. Every once in awhile I try to imagine them sleeping in a different room and I can't, I would be a nervous wreck and would miss them.

We're actually going to begin building a house in the spring and the plans include a little space for the twins once they decide to sleep in their own bed, right off of our room. I think it will probably be easier for them to move out of the family bed then it will be for me.

Also, knowing these are going to be our only children allows me to have a little perspective on the things that tend to be draining. I will only breastfeed for 2-3 years of my life. The family bed may last 5 years. Looking at the big picture makes it all seem so fleeting and makes me a little sad knowing they'll outgrow so many things before I'm ready.

Thanks for starting this thread, it puts into perspective once again how precious this time in my life is and how fortunate I am!


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

My son is 6 months old, and I guess I just don't see the need to force him to do anything right now. We are ALL happy with the situation, so to me it's a no-brainer. He's starting to get really big, though, so I might do a side-car crib sometime in the next few months... then again, he's gonna start teething soon, so maybe I won't.

But yeah. Sometimes I'm tired of nursing him at night, but it's not that he's "only" comfort nursing -- he hardly eats during the day 'cause the world is just TOO COOL for a six month old.


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixilixi* 
As for nightweaning, during hard times, I would think to myself - "I can nightwean him if I *really* need to when he's 18 months"... then I kept shifting the benchmark... now, I don't think I'll bother at all - UNLESS I become pregnant (not planned at the moment anyhow) and I find it unbearable.

Yes, this was the main reason that we nightweaned (STTN was just a bonus that may have occurred anyway). It was becoming unbearable and I had to set some limits in order to continue nursing while preggo.

But, he (2) and ds#2 (4) are likely to be in the family bed a very long time. Ds#1 just decided this week, at the age of 7, that he's ready to sleep in his own room. He was/is our super high needs, super "clingy" (I *hate* that word!!) kiddo, and I really thought it was possible that he would be sleeping in our room until the teens.







Anyway, I'm glad that we didn't push him out before he was ready. Knowing that it's his choice, made without coercion because he's ready for more space, is golden (and bittersweet!).


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
But yeah. Sometimes I'm tired of nursing him at night, but it's not that he's "only" comfort nursing -- he hardly eats during the day 'cause the world is just TOO COOL for a six month old.









: I think that night nursing can be such an important part of a babe's life, particularly between the ages of 6mo-15mo (and all of mine nn for at least the first 18 months) -- just when it can become the most trying for mom, of course!







They're going through so many developmental stages so quickly, exploring their world almost non-stop during the day, and teething, etc, that they need a little help unwinding and connecting at night, not to mention refueling their calorie depleted bodies.


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## fawny (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
But yeah. Sometimes I'm tired of nursing him at night, but it's not that he's "only" comfort nursing -- he hardly eats during the day 'cause the world is just TOO COOL for a six month old.









:

Also most mornings I remember I was feeling a bit bitter that I had to wake up a bit to nurse DD a few times during the night, but in the morning I barely feel like I was robbed of any sleep. I just "remember" the feeling of "crap I don't want to nurse her" but I have no hard feelings towards it. Does that make sense?









And there is NO WAY I would have her sleep in another room, I don't want to get out of my warm bed, go across the hall, nurse her, hope she goes back to sleep, then try to get comfy in bed again. I guess that's a selfish reason I want to have DD in bed with us! Hehe.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I want in as well! Mine is mostly nightweaned, nurses to sleep and then not again until the morning usually. But people get weirded out that she still sleeps with me. And that can be hard to deal with and I start to wonder and worry about how/when we will make the transition.










But honestly I can't imagine forcing her to sleep in her own bed, and on her own she makes some attempts and flirts with the idea. Several times in the last few weeks she has said she wants to sleep in her own bed, so I make it and tuck her in and then at the last minute she changes her mind.









I know with my kid when she knows something is entirely her decision, it goes a lot better. If it's forced there is drama. Her dad and I really super encouraged her sleeping over at his house this summer, before she was really ready, and she ended up balking and getting kind of rejecting of him. So we stopped. Same thing with staying at childcare, with friends etc. It has to be her timeline. So far this is working for us.

Plus I really do like sleeping with her. Her kicking and moving around which woke her father up repeatedly, doesn't bother me at all, and I like a little warm cuddly creature next to me at night.


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## MamaJamie (Oct 14, 2007)

My kiddo will be four in March and has never fallen asleep on his own. Luckily neither my husband nor I mind going to bed early so we go to bed as a family between 8:30 and 9. I think sometimes my husband gets a bit frustrated that we never have "alone" time, but I'm due with our second next month so there's my proof it happens sometimes! When ds was smaller I would get up after he fell asleep some nights to get some homework done or drink some wine, but he's such a snuggle bug it's hard sometimes to get out of his grip! Plus, now I'm used to the sleep! I wake up before him in the morning, but me getting out of bed wakes him up so I use that hour or two as my quiet reading time. I'm sure that will change when the baby comes, but I love havng time to snuggle with ds and read a good book!

I love dh, but nothing beats snuggling with a nekked (even in winter this one refuses clothes) 3 year old snuggle bug!


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## delightful2boys (Jun 4, 2005)

Mind if I join?

I always knew I'd sleep with my children b/c it was the way I was raised and I have such sweet fond memories of sleeping with my mom, safe from any *monsters.*We moved out of her bed and into a room with my dad and the big kids when it got too crowded with my mom. LOL

DH and I switched sides of the bed a couple of times until we both felt comfortable sleeping with our first.

They will move out when they are ready and for now I just wouldn't miss it for the world. I can reach out and feel them (er....scootch them over a bit LOL) and hear them. DS4 is quite the talker even in his sleep.
Right now DS8 is sharing a room with DH and they can read longer chapter books at night and DS4 and I read books with illustrations on every page. everbody's happy!
DS8 joins me and DS4 when DH works late.

It just feels so *right* to sleep with your babies until they are ready : )


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## superlori (Nov 28, 2006)

I'm joining in! My daughter is 10 months, and I love co-sleeping. Dh likes it too, but he's also hoping she'll be ready to move out sometime after she turns 1. He happily goes along with my AP decisions, but he's not personally 100% convinced of it all. We are both finding co-sleeping a bit stressful right now, as dd will only nurse to sleep, but lately she refuses to go to sleep at all. Dh is a night owl, and though I like my sleep, I work from home so I need my evenings for work.

I don't have any time scale for when she needs out of the bed - she nightnurses often and I can't IMAGINE nightweaning OR trying to put her in her own bed. But it's getting a bit trying, and dh just said tonight "If she keeps this up, we'll need to figure out something new." I responded with "Ok, but I won't just let her cry" (dh agrees with this) "so I'm not sure what that something is..."

So a support thread is precisely what I need! Support! No one IRL I know except one other mama co-sleeps, though luckily I have 2 other AP friends who still nn, etc, to swap stories and complaints with! I know I'm not alone, but it's a bit isolating knowing that every other family you know has had their babies STTN since they were just a couple months old; I sometimes feel really weird and question what I'm doing. I just keep reminding myself they WILL grow out of it, and it will be bittersweet when they do.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

We are here!
DS is nearly 27 months old and we co sleep!...He will sleep in his bed in his own time! He does have a bed in his room that he sometimes will sleep in for a few hours then come in with us - but thats as far as he is willing to go right now and that is totally fine!...I love sleeping with him! He so soft and warm and his breath always smells so sweet! hehe


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## nina_yyc (Nov 5, 2006)

DD is in our bed with full boob access for the forseeable future. She's 12mo and I just went back to work - I want all the baby snuggles I can get! She nurses 3-4x a night and I am totally cool with that - it's probably what's saving my milk supply at the moment.


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## chemer (Jun 15, 2006)

I could use some support, please. I haven't made it nearly as far as most of you mamas, my baby is only 3 1/2 months. I really want to let her wean (day and night) in her own time and I don't want to kick her out of bed or force her to sleep through the night. But, man! It's challenging, even when you love it.

She nursed every hour last night. She's slept horribly for the past week - super nursing all night long or kicking me all night. I'm just exhausted. :yawning: And I can't talk about it with any of my real life friends since they've all started baby rice before 6 months, switched to formula before 1 year, and are doing CIO.







They all offer "great" recommendations to fix my "problem", when all I really need is a hug from someone who knows where I'm coming from.


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

*Peony*, bravo for starting this thread. I haven't come into this forum for a while, but we're just now getting over a sleep regression (15 months) and as I was lying in bed thinking "yay! he only woke up 4 or 5 times last night!" the voices of doubt reemerged. They sound like this:

ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU ARE HAPPY THAT YOUR NEARLY 1.5 YEAR OLD CHILD IS "ONLY" WAKING UP EVERY TWO HOURS? DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT MOST CHILDREN HAVE BEEN SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR ***MONTHS*** BY NOW? WHAT SORT OF SELF-SACRIFICING BABY-INDULGING MOM ARE YOU? HOW IS HE EVER GOING TO LEARN TO SLEEP?

That's when I made up my mind to post here to find moms of other similarly aged kiddoes who still don't sleep through the night. In his entire life, DS has slept 1 5 hour stretch and 1 6 hour stretch. Period.

I'm not about to move him out of our bed, but sometimes I have sudden realization that he will probably not start to sleep through the night until he is removed from me. I'm not sure what to think about that.

Some of it is my "fault" too, as we EC, even at night. He thus wakes because

he wants to nurse
he is uncomfortable
he needs to pee
Anyway.... I just need to be reminded that not every child sleeps through the night in his own room by the time he is a year old! Baby's sleep has been the single biggest surprise for me out of all the new parent surprises. I somehow had it in my mind that the first 3 months would be bad, but that after that it would be easy. And then I thought surely by the time he is walking. Surely by the time he is 1. Surely by the time he is 13 months. Etc.

so *chemer*, I feel for you- I really do. If you're to stick with the path you want to follow right now, you have to readjust your expectations! And without a support network, that can be hard. So welcome! You can do it. Your babe may wake more than your friends' babes do, but you'll get lots more cuddles and quiet snuggle time with your baby. Hang in there! and maybe go visit askmoxie.blogspot.com (I think that's it) to read her paraphrase about sleep regressions and development-- I think your babe could be in one of those stages right now.


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## Wolfcat (Jan 10, 2006)

I'm joining in!

DS is 17 months, nurses to sleep and through most of the night.

After a week like this last one, I couldn't be more glad that we cosleep. Not that I'm HAPPY (my nips hurt like nothin' else!).

Last week, DS got bronchitis - viral. He wouldn't eat or drink hardly anything, but nursed ALL the time... so I didn't really worry about it. Plus, he was feverish and congested, but with him right there, I could just reach out to check him.

Then Sunday, I was sick (still kind of am, but oh well). I could barely move out of bed. But I only needed to get up to go to the bathroom, grab a clean diaper and get some water. Thank goodness DS is mobile! I didn't have to worry about him not eating enough (though I did get him a bit of breakfast, lunch and dinner, when I could) while I was incapacitated.

And I KNOW that nursing him kept the infection from getting worse - some adults in town have been so bad they went to the hospital.


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## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

Is a BTDT post helpful here at all? I posted in this forum quite a lot when my first child was a baby and toddler, and I remember feeling like the lone ranger when it came to breastfeeding and sleep stuff. I also remember feeling blamed and desperate when she had sleep troubles. At the time, I read a post here from a mama whose daughter had just begun to reliably sleep, and she said, "I'm so glad I honored her." That stuck with me, and I was mindful even in my exhaustion that I was honoring my daughter by meeting her needs. I swear I thought she would never sleep. I was just flat exhausted for such a long time. And now it's my turn to say that she does sleep, and I'm so glad I honored her.

When she was two and a half, I was pregnant and just too tired to manage, and so we gently nightweaned. I would have thought it would be a total disaster, but it was actually very easy. We talked about it for a few days, then just didn't nurse overnight. She whimpered for a night or two, then just did fine. I snuggled her as she needed, and she very quickly started sleeping longer stretches. I forget exactly the progression, but she started falling asleep on her own as well. Within four or five months, she was ready to go to bed in her own room. I missed her, but she was fine. By the time my second baby was born, she was going to sleep with a story and some snuggles. Now at age five, she sleeps in her own room and rarely wakes during the night. We read to her, tuck her in, close the door, and she takes it from there. I never would have believed such a miracle.

Currently with my son, we're in a teething-and-sleeping-terribly phase. I'm very tired, but not frantic. The essential difference is that 1) I know it will pass, and 2) I know I'll never regret meeting his needs. You won't either. Hang in there, mamas.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

I'll join in. Our situation is a bit different, though. DD (29 months) starts out the night in her crib (which is in our room) because she goes to sleep earlier than us. A few hours later, she typically wakes up for a bottle. then she either goes back in the crib, or kicks around in bed talking/singing to herself for an hour while we sort of sleep, or just sleeps with us the rest of the night. Or wakes up again and again.









It just doesn't occur to me to "do something about it". I mean, what? Obviously, we're not going to let her CIO. And I'm not on board with some kind of sleep training thing. I guess I just don't really mind getting up once or twice a night. DH helps. I figure it's a part of parenting just as much as anything that happens during the day. I don't particularily like changing crappy diapers or scraping crusted food of the high chair, but I do that anyways! It's all part of the big picture to me- babies and little kids are messy, they cry, they stink sometimes, and they wake you up.









I think, though, that if I were severely sleep deprived (which happened from approx13-17 months) or if I had to work outside the home I might feel differently, but for now, we're just going to go with the flow.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:



Originally Posted by *chemer*


I could use some support, please. I haven't made it nearly as far as most of you mamas, my baby is only 3 1/2 months. I really want to let her wean (day and night) in her own time and I don't want to kick her out of bed or force her to sleep through the night. But, man! It's challenging, even when you love it.

She nursed every hour last night. She's slept horribly for the past week - super nursing all night long or kicking me all night. I'm just exhausted. :yawning: And I can't talk about it with any of my real life friends since they've all started baby rice before 6 months, switched to formula before 1 year, and are doing CIO.







They all offer "great" recommendations to fix my "problem", when all I really need is a hug from someone who knows where I'm coming from.










It is challenging, very much so. And there isn't much you can do about it, which can make it even more frustrating. I do know with DD1 (who was a VERY frequent nightwaker until she was 3y old), I had to get to a point where I had to make peace with it. I was spending so much energy fretting over the lack of sleep I was getting, but it was making everything worse. I had to change my mindset, to think "K, so you are waking up for what feels like the 50th time tonight. That's fine, I'll just drink a huge pot of coffee in the am, we'll hang around the house, and take a nap together later on." INSTEAD of "OMG! This child is going to be the death of me. What the freck did I ever do to deserve this, it's only 2am. How many more times is she going to wake up tonight, Go back to sleep, baby. No, stop kicking me, stop grabbing at me. WTF, why can't you leave me alone for two seconds?"

Seriously, that would what be running through my mind many a night. DD1 was so challenging at night, she would drive me to the brink of insanity almost nightly. The thing is, she was a challenging child all around, that didn't end just because it was bedtime. I finally got to a point where I was either going to break or I had to accept it.

I think night time parenting is some of the hardest parenting we do. It's at a time where everyone's emotions are running high and it can be hard to be rational.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *Aletheia*


*Peony*, bravo for starting this thread. I haven't come into this forum for a while, but we're just now getting over a sleep regression (15 months) and as I was lying in bed thinking "yay! he only woke up 4 or 5 times last night!" the voices of doubt reemerged. They sound like this:

ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU ARE HAPPY THAT YOUR NEARLY 1.5 YEAR OLD CHILD IS "ONLY" WAKING UP EVERY TWO HOURS? DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT MOST CHILDREN HAVE BEEN SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR ***MONTHS*** BY NOW? WHAT SORT OF SELF-SACRIFICING BABY-INDULGING MOM ARE YOU? HOW IS HE EVER GOING TO LEARN TO SLEEP?

That's when I made up my mind to post here to find moms of other similarly aged kiddoes who still don't sleep through the night. In his entire life, DS has slept 1 5 hour stretch and 1 6 hour stretch. Period.

I'm not about to move him out of our bed, but sometimes I have sudden realization that he will probably not start to sleep through the night until he is removed from me. I'm not sure what to think about that.

Some of it is my "fault" too, as we EC, even at night. He thus wakes because
he wants to nurse
he is uncomfortable
he needs to pee
Anyway.... I just need to be reminded that not every child sleeps through the night in his own room by the time he is a year old! Baby's sleep has been the single biggest surprise for me out of all the new parent surprises. I somehow had it in my mind that the first 3 months would be bad, but that after that it would be easy. And then I thought surely by the time he is walking. Surely by the time he is 1. Surely by the time he is 13 months. Etc.

so *chemer*, I feel for you- I really do. If you're to stick with the path you want to follow right now, you have to readjust your expectations! And without a support network, that can be hard. So welcome! You can do it. Your babe may wake more than your friends' babes do, but you'll get lots more cuddles and quiet snuggle time with your baby. Hang in there! and maybe go visit askmoxie.blogspot.com (I think that's it) to read her paraphrase about sleep regressions and development-- I think your babe could be in one of those stages right now.










You are not the first one to be blind sighted by the lack of sleep our children have in store for us.









Quote:



Originally Posted by *Wolfcat*


I'm joining in!

DS is 17 months, nurses to sleep and through most of the night.

After a week like this last one, I couldn't be more glad that we cosleep. Not that I'm HAPPY (my nips hurt like nothin' else!).

Last week, DS got bronchitis - viral. He wouldn't eat or drink hardly anything, but nursed ALL the time... so I didn't really worry about it. Plus, he was feverish and congested, but with him right there, I could just reach out to check him.

Then Sunday, I was sick (still kind of am, but oh well). I could barely move out of bed. But I only needed to get up to go to the bathroom, grab a clean diaper and get some water. Thank goodness DS is mobile! I didn't have to worry about him not eating enough (though I did get him a bit of breakfast, lunch and dinner, when I could) while I was incapacitated.

And I KNOW that nursing him kept the infection from getting worse - some adults in town have been so bad they went to the hospital.


I'm glad your DS is feeling better. We've had many similar experiences with DD2, and I agree, nursing and co-sleeping are what got us through it.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *RachelGS*


Is a BTDT post helpful here at all? I posted in this forum quite a lot when my first child was a baby and toddler, and I remember feeling like the lone ranger when it came to breastfeeding and sleep stuff. I also remember feeling blamed and desperate when she had sleep troubles. At the time, I read a post here from a mama whose daughter had just begun to reliably sleep, and she said, "I'm so glad I honored her." That stuck with me, and I was mindful even in my exhaustion that I was honoring my daughter by meeting her needs. I swear I thought she would never sleep. I was just flat exhausted for such a long time. And now it's my turn to say that she does sleep, and I'm so glad I honored her.

When she was two and a half, I was pregnant and just too tired to manage, and so we gently nightweaned. I would have thought it would be a total disaster, but it was actually very easy. We talked about it for a few days, then just didn't nurse overnight. She whimpered for a night or two, then just did fine. I snuggled her as she needed, and she very quickly started sleeping longer stretches. I forget exactly the progression, but she started falling asleep on her own as well. Within four or five months, she was ready to go to bed in her own room. I missed her, but she was fine. By the time my second baby was born, she was going to sleep with a story and some snuggles. Now at age five, she sleeps in her own room and rarely wakes during the night. We read to her, tuck her in, close the door, and she takes it from there. I never would have believed such a miracle.

Currently with my son, we're in a teething-and-sleeping-terribly phase. I'm very tired, but not frantic. The essential difference is that 1) I know it will pass, and 2) I know I'll never regret meeting his needs. You won't either. Hang in there, mamas.


I really like that quote, and it is so true. They are telling us what they need, we just have to listen.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

something else I forgot to add that sticks with me is the story about how women who belonged to a certain tribe I believe in Africa, when shown video of American mothers at night, were disturbed by how long it often took them to respond to their babies. that has also stuck with me as, _okay, so it IS natural/normal for babies to wake up at night, and we're meant to respond, not ignore or train it out of them_.


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## Calidris (Apr 17, 2004)

I'll join. Though my DD is almost 4 and it still is not her own time for many things









It is quite amazing how they do manage to do things, if you leave them to it. There were times (usually at 2am







) that nightweaning looked pretty attractive, but eventually, she did stop night nursing, and, for quite a while now, she has only nursed to sleep and on waking, and never bugs me in the night (except sometimes to crawl over to me and use me as a pillow







: ).

There were times when it seemed like she would never stop night all night, now it's a distant memory









OTOH she plans never to leave our bed (she recently told us that when she is grown up and has a baby she and the baby will still sleep in our bed).


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## fawny (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Calidris* 
OTOH she plans never to leave our bed (she recently told us that when she is grown up and has a baby she and the baby will still sleep in our bed).









that's cute!


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## chemer (Jun 15, 2006)

I love you all! It is quite inspiring to see so many people who've made it as far as you all have and still don't plan on giving in. Keep up your outstanding work, because one day they will move out and our beds will feel empty.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peony* 
I had to change my mindset, to think "K, so you are waking up for what feels like the 50th time tonight. That's fine, I'll just drink a huge pot of coffee in the am, we'll hang around the house, and take a nap together later on." INSTEAD of "OMG! This child is going to be the death of me. What the freck did I ever do to deserve this, it's only 2am. How many more times is she going to wake up tonight, Go back to sleep, baby. No, stop kicking me, stop grabbing at me. WTF, why can't you leave me alone for two seconds?"

How did you get inside my head? I tried the "new mindset" last night and it made it much easier to fall back to sleep, plus I feel happier today. It's amazing how much better I feel when I accept something as normal (same thing happened with comfort nursing).









wolfcat - I hope you're on the mend now, as well. I'm glad you two were able to make it through ok, that sounds like a nasty sickness.


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## savienu (May 26, 2007)

I don't have time to read all the posts right now, but I'm definitely subbing! We need a thread like this. I need the reminders, too, my DSD, at 6, still wants to crawl in bed with us!


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## LaFlaca1226 (Oct 17, 2007)

I'm in! DH, DD and I just all love bedtime, and I feel really sorry for my friends IRL who are trying desperately to get their babies to sleep in cribs (without much luck).

My problem: I'm afraid to ask DH if he's willing to let her stay in our bed until she's ready to leave. I'm afraid he'll say "No, let's make her leave at a year" or something. So I just tiptoe around the issue and hope for the best.

And I am SO tired of the question "Does she STTN yet?" Why is that so important to people? It seems to be the most important question on some people's minds! And when I tell them "No, she wakes once or twice to nurse," they assure me that she'll stop doing that soon. She's only 4 months old!


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## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

Bethany, don't ask. It's too soon. Just let her stay and see what happens. Things my Dh would have thought were crazy at four months were just fine at fouteen or eighteen or twenty-six.


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## AlpineMama (Aug 16, 2007)

I would be right there with you because I didn't plan on nightweaning on my schedule. However, with a new baby coming in a matter of weeks, and me getting severe migraines when sleep deprived (I always have, they're crippling)... well, we've been on the track to altering the sleep schedule. But he's definitely not moving out of the bed just quite yet! I love sleeping with him. Only thing we're changing is getting a bigger bed.


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## LaFlaca1226 (Oct 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RachelGS* 
Bethany, don't ask. It's too soon. Just let her stay and see what happens. Things my Dh would have thought were crazy at four months were just fine at fouteen or eighteen or twenty-six.

Thanks, Rachel. I think you're right.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RachelGS* 
Bethany, don't ask. It's too soon. Just let her stay and see what happens. Things my Dh would have thought were crazy at four months were just fine at fouteen or eighteen or twenty-six.

Totally agree, when you it put into words that baby is sleeping with us for quite a while, all they hear is years of baby in the bed, and what about my sex life?







A gradual approach usually works better, and then they see that everyone's needs still get met.


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RachelGS* 
Bethany, don't ask. It's too soon. Just let her stay and see what happens. Things my Dh would have thought were crazy at four months were just fine at fouteen or eighteen or twenty-six.











In fact, at 4 months the thought of DS sleeping in our bed for that long was even overwhelming to _me_. But now that he's a year, I can't see him moving out any time soon.

We live in a small apartment and had DS's birthday party here on Sunday. We were talking about TTC #2, and people were asking where we'd put another and telling us we didn't have enough room. I said that since we'd all be sleeping together anyhow, a 2 bedroom was more than enough!


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## swellmomma (Jan 1, 2004)

I certainly try to let them wean themselves from my bed. ds9 still climbs in. Due to his bedwetting I make him start the night in his bed, then if he wets the bed or gets scared he climbs in with me, and even then when he is in his bed he is not alone, he and dd like to bed share too. Ds 4 still sleeps in my bed 80% of the time and of course baby does and will until she is ready to move on. dd8 is the only one that moved out of my bed as an infant and that was due to her own personality(wanted her own space)


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

oh mamas. i need a boost today. i know another mama said she was really sick and found herself really appreciating her co-sleeping situation all the more. well, i'm really sick now and i am ... not. not so much.

DS was the one sick all last week, and was waking about every 45 minutes. he's feeling better, but still waking about every 2 hours, and more frequently in the early morning. last night we did 1 3 hour stretch, and when he woke me from that one i was so confused i didn't even know where i was. when i'm well, i can go right back to sleep after these wakings. but now, as i am so uncomfortable with a sore throat and stuffed nose and sore skin, i can't. it takes a half hour or more for me to fall back to sleep.

how do i get through this? i am feeling progressively worse each day (i got sick on Sunday) and my DH is a medical resident and working 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. til the end of this week, and then starts a shift where he is working 6pm to 6am. We have no family in the area.

But if i don't get more sleep, i can't see how i'll shake this! (usually the herbal remedies i take right away when i start to feel ill really mitigate any bugs i catch. they for some reason didn't work this time. i forget how to be sick!)


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## Wolfcat (Jan 10, 2006)

I wrote about being sick earlier. I was also super-sick about this time last year. I could barely carry DS without falling down or dropping him (thank goodness for the sling!)

My suggestion is this:

1) Find a camp-out spot. The couch or recliner are both excellent choices, as is the bed.

2) Keep cough drops, medicine, a big glass of water, kleenex, etc. nearby, as well as a little trash can or a bag for trash.

3) Have baby toys/books, etc. nearby to help your DC stay entertained.

4) Have a diaper stash within reach so you don't have to get up and haul things around (when I'm really sick, I give myself permission to keep DS in 'sposies so I don't have to worry about rinsing out poopy dipes).

5) Eat when you can: soups and teas are awesome 'cuz most of them sooth your throat as well.

HTH!


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

Thanks, mama! Good advice. And I'm continuuing to follow it because... it's morning sickness! Ack!









Now I need to figure out how to meet the nighttime needs of two babes. Wowie.

This thread needs a bump so other mamas know we are out here!


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aletheia* 
Thanks, mama! Good advice. And I'm continuuing to follow it because... it's morning sickness! Ack!









Now I need to figure out how to meet the nighttime needs of two babes. Wowie.

This thread needs a bump so other mamas know we are out here!

Wow! Congratulations!! I am looking forward to TTCing very soon, and DS is still up an average of 3 times a night, so if all works out I too will be looking for ways to balance DS' nighttime needs with my own.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

So 15m DD2 has been waking me up MANY times a night since Thanksgiving. Of course we have gone through croup and RSV in a month period as well, with the RSV requiring her to go back on O2 at night for a few days. Anyway, but it mainly it has been just night after night, week after week, of her wrapping herself around me like a baby monkey, nursing all night, while I lay there and try figure out how before my bladder explodes.







And what did I finally see yesterday, after months of this, two molars coming in ! No wonder she has been so miserable for so long and I'm just so glad that I trust this process enough to know there are reasons for this.

And I wanted to share an article that I found the other day that I'm loving.
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peony* 
And what did I finally see yesterday, after months of this, two molars coming in ! No wonder she has been so miserable for so long and I'm just so glad that I trust this process enough to know there are reasons for this.

Three of DS' first-year molars started to break through the gums this week. Poor kid. I've been finding that he's not necessarily waking up more, but when he does wake up he's screaming and crying and generally inconsolable. Ick. But you're absolutely right. They definitely have their reasons, and I can't imagine poor DS dealing with it by crying all by himself. Eventually, all his teeth will come in, and we will sleep again!


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## KWenn (Jun 13, 2006)

I'll join you all!

DD is 15 months (today!) and still needs me--and milkies--in order to sleep for both naps and nighttime. I will admit that sometimes I would love to have alone time while she naps, or be able to hang out with DH at night, but not at her expense. And most of the time, I enjoy the excuse to just relax in bed while she naps snuggled up to me







. This is why laptops were invented, right? It's pretty surprising that she can sleep through DH and I talking in loud whispers while she sleeps between us, but within 5 minutes she can sense when I've left her side


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KWenn* 
It's pretty surprising that she can sleep through DH and I talking in loud whispers while she sleeps between us, but within 5 minutes she can sense when I've left her side



















They do have a way of using their senses for evil instead of good! I guess I'm lucky that DS doesn't need me right beside him to sleep, though I do have to bottlenurse him to sleep for naps and bedtime, and for each nightwaking.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)




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## kellykins (Oct 13, 2004)

Im subbing...
I am in need of support TO think this way.
My dh is much more laid back and in the "in her own time" mindset than I. She is waking up and wanting to be attached to my boob from like 3am til 6-730am.... Would have alot less of an issue with her being in the bed with us if she wasn't being a complete boob leech!! 
I think I have some stuff to learn from you guys...


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kellykins* 
Im subbing...
I am in need of support TO think this way.
My dh is much more laid back and in the "in her own time" mindset than I. She is waking up and wanting to be attached to my boob from like 3am til 6-730am.... Would have alot less of an issue with her being in the bed with us if she wasn't being a complete boob leech!! 
I think I have some stuff to learn from you guys...

















: When I read "boob leech", I had to laugh, my DD1 was like that so I do understand.


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## russianthistle (Jul 19, 2005)

I'm in. This is a great thread!

C. is 24 mo. and will not be nightweaning or sleeping independently until he suggests he should. We have #2 on the way...this is where I see a small challenge. I'm not sure what it will be like to nurse two at night.

What kinds of bed arrangements do you have? Do most sleep in one gigantic bead? Does anyone use two beds pushed together?

I cannot afford a new bed; I have two queens, currently. I see late pregnancy with a toddler and a partner and a full-length body pillow as cramped. I was thinking that I'd put the two queens together so that we will have plenty of room. I am a little perplexed as to how we might all share blankets, however.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *russianthistle* 
I'm in. This is a great thread!

C. is 24 mo. and will not be nightweaning or sleeping independently until he suggests he should. We have #2 on the way...this is where I see a small challenge. I'm not sure what it will be like to nurse two at night.

What kinds of bed arrangements do you have? Do most sleep in one gigantic bead? Does anyone use two beds pushed together?

I cannot afford a new bed; I have two queens, currently. I see late pregnancy with a toddler and a partner and a full-length body pillow as cramped. I was thinking that I'd put the two queens together so that we will have plenty of room. I am a little perplexed as to how we might all share blankets, however.









We've had two mattresses pushed together, at one point we even had three!







We use separate blankets/sheets for each bed, so it isn't a giant bed that we can just roll all over, but separate sleeping spaces for certain person, but we are still sharing space together. I just felt like trying to arrange blankets for such a large area would be a nightmare otherwise. If child #1 still needs you right there at night then maybe have your DP sleep on the other mattress, he is still right there but it gives you and two DC a bit more space. And maybe when #1 gets a little older, he can scoot over to the other mattress.







That's what we've done and it has worked well, the 3rd mattress came in when DD1 wanted her "own" mattress but still needed to be right there at night. Good luck!


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## russianthistle (Jul 19, 2005)

That's essentially what I imagined...me and babies in bed...dp in other bed...beds pushed together...everyone sleeping happily!

Thanks for the input. I couldn't imagine trying to make little C. sleep w/o me to make room for baby. I just feel that any abrupt changes would certainly upset him...the baby willl be an abrupt enough change for him as it is.


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## Mountain Diva (Mar 22, 2008)

Is there a thread on here about getting an older child (4 years on Monday to be exact) to sleep in her own bed, and through the night? She was born with special needs, and medi-vac'd to a different hospital, I couldn't hold her for 3 days, which may have been more upsetting to me than her. My 6 yr old is fine, he left our bed on his own at 3, loving the idea of a handmade bed by dad just for him. But daughter, who should be on her tempurpedic mattress, not our pillow-top anyway, won't stay the night in her room. Any suggestions? I am at this point definitely suffering from sleep deprivation, because whether in my bed or hers she wakes up in the middle of the night and flails and yells until I can calm her down. Her medical issues are physical, and she should not be in pain or anything like that. In her bed she says she's afraid of the dark, in my bed she just yells and flails and I'm not sure she is even awake when she does it, but I sure am, and it is really getting to me - gaining weight, short-tempered, foggy brain. Any help will be greatly appreciated.


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## *mama moose* (Oct 12, 2006)

YAY! I needed this thread!









My DD is 19, almost 20 months, still co-sleeping, still night nursing. The co-sleeping, I love love love. I cannot sleep without her next to me! Shes my little snuggle bug








The night nursing...eh....








I planned to let her decide on her own time about night weaning, and then somehow ended up pregnant, quarter way through pregnancy she randomly started STTN (well, waking up only once to nurse, which was do-able). I got my hopes up too soon though, because she is going through a MAJOR regression right now, waking up 6-8 times a night to nurse. At 26/27 weeks pregnant, you can imagine thats kinda sucky for mama LOL
I've been feeling so resentful over it lately though, and I hate feeling that way, like instead of listening to my TRUE feelings (that its painful and that I have fears about how to handle two nightwaking babies), I feel like I've been blaming her, thinking things like "shes almost two she should know better and be sleeping now!". But I'm so glad to read this thread because it really set me back on the right path! She has not even lived 2 years on this earth! How should she "know better"? You know? I can't believe I let that mentality slip into my head like that! I haven't done anything about it, like tried to nightwean or anything, but the feelings and thoughts are bad enough. I want to go snuggle in with my sleepy girl right now and say I'm sorry for willing her to grow up faster than she needs to!
So, I certainly need this support thread, both for now with the painful night nursing, and certainly in the near future when I share my bed with TWO little girls!


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mountain Diva* 
Is there a thread on here about getting an older child (4 years on Monday to be exact) to sleep in her own bed, and through the night? She was born with special needs, and medi-vac'd to a different hospital, I couldn't hold her for 3 days, which may have been more upsetting to me than her. My 6 yr old is fine, he left our bed on his own at 3, loving the idea of a handmade bed by dad just for him. But daughter, who should be on her tempurpedic mattress, not our pillow-top anyway, won't stay the night in her room. Any suggestions? I am at this point definitely suffering from sleep deprivation, because whether in my bed or hers she wakes up in the middle of the night and flails and yells until I can calm her down. Her medical issues are physical, and she should not be in pain or anything like that. In her bed she says she's afraid of the dark, in my bed she just yells and flails and I'm not sure she is even awake when she does it, but I sure am, and it is really getting to me - gaining weight, short-tempered, foggy brain. Any help will be greatly appreciated.









I don't have suggestions, maybe start a new thread? I do know that my 5y old DD1 can't sleep by herself. She did for several months of her own choosing, but then had a few nightmares and is now scared to sleep in her room. Actually, can you put her mattress in your room? Maybe she can gradually get used to it, and then slowly move her out.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **mama moose** 
YAY! I needed this thread!









My DD is 19, almost 20 months, still co-sleeping, still night nursing. The co-sleeping, I love love love. I cannot sleep without her next to me! Shes my little snuggle bug








The night nursing...eh....








I planned to let her decide on her own time about night weaning, and then somehow ended up pregnant, quarter way through pregnancy she randomly started STTN (well, waking up only once to nurse, which was do-able). I got my hopes up too soon though, because she is going through a MAJOR regression right now, waking up 6-8 times a night to nurse. At 26/27 weeks pregnant, you can imagine thats kinda sucky for mama LOL
I've been feeling so resentful over it lately though, and I hate feeling that way, like instead of listening to my TRUE feelings (that its painful and that I have fears about how to handle two nightwaking babies), I feel like I've been blaming her, thinking things like "shes almost two she should know better and be sleeping now!". But I'm so glad to read this thread because it really set me back on the right path! She has not even lived 2 years on this earth! How should she "know better"? You know? I can't believe I let that mentality slip into my head like that! I haven't done anything about it, like tried to nightwean or anything, but the feelings and thoughts are bad enough. I want to go snuggle in with my sleepy girl right now and say I'm sorry for willing her to grow up faster than she needs to!
So, I certainly need this support thread, both for now with the painful night nursing, and certainly in the near future when I share my bed with TWO little girls!

















I think we all get that mentality sometimes, at least I do. Sometimes it really does do us good to take a step back and look at the whole picture, that can hard to do when you are in it.









I just had to do that recently myself. DD2 is 17m now and has never slept on her own. By that I mean, she only sleeps on me except when she falls asleep in the car on the way home, even then that will only last 20 minutes and then she wakes up crying. I am getting a little tired of it, I would love not to be trapped on the couch for every nap and every evening. I have this whole "napping" station set up on the coffee table since once she is out, I don't move.







I think about all the stuff I could be doing, especially with my other child who never gets one on one time with me, but then I think about DD2 and how she really is still a baby and it must feel so nice to snuggle up to a nice, warm mama and sleep next to the breast all the time.


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## lisavark (Oct 27, 2007)

I want in on this thread! DD is only one month old, but already people are asking me if she's STTN. !!!





















!!! I am floored every time someone asks me that...I want to yell at them. I haven't (yet); usually I just tell them that I don't WANT her sleeping through the night yet; she's little and she's growing fast and she needs to eat every few hours! Duh!

On the bright side, DH is SO in agreement with me...







I told him some people are still co-sleeping with five year olds, and he said, "Awesome."


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## pishajane (Dec 27, 2006)

Oh yay I'm so glad to have found you mamas!!







I have been going through a doubting phase... doubting everything i've been doing and all my instincts as a mama, because of the lack of support for my choices so far. Sooo many people have flat out said that i caused my dd (20mos) to have sleep problems, that she should be weaned ages ago and definitely STTN by now, blah blah blah. It's my own family saying it, so now of course i'm starting to doubt myself. Even dh is changing his mind about AP - the sleep deprivation is HARD.
But... i'm so happy to know there are others out there who are like minded. And i'm proud to say that i've been tandem nursing day AND night for nearly 3mos! i just know dd isn't ready for nightweaning - she still wakes every 2hrs at least, and always has, and how else would i get her back to sleep??








There's been plenty of times i've wished it was different, and i constantly feel like i'm defending myself, but it's all been worth it so far. I'm glad to be meeting both of my dc's needs.
Trish


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## Mountain Diva (Mar 22, 2008)

Before I leave this thread, maybe I can pass this on at least: I co-slept, nursed on demand (stopped of their choosing around 18mos for both), wore them in a sling, cloth diapers - in short, friends, family and complete strangers not just questioned my choices but outright told me time and time again that I was making a mistake. "Spoiling them" was how it was put most often. Aside from my DD issues with sleeping by herself (which may very well be stemming from me and post-traumatic birth experience, if there is such a thing) my now pre-school age children are constantly complimented on how independent and secure they are. And never are they referred to as spoiled! Keep supporting each other, you are doing it right. It's the way newborns were cared for for centuries, the world DID work just fine before the industrial revolution, you know.


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## lula'smom (Jun 21, 2006)

hey mamas!

i'm happy to be here too. dh and i love love love co-sleeping with 26mth old dd and plan to continue until she wants a change, and no plans to try to wean her.

but there are challenges: 1) that she doesn't nurse to sleep at night. instead, first we nurse, then i have to bounce her in a mobywrap on an exercise ball for 30 min to 1 hour and then extricate her without waking her and get her into the bed (it's amazing the skills you learn as a mom....). then she sometimes wakes after 30 min. and needs to nurse, or even to be rocked back to sleep (i draw the line at bouncing twice a night unless she's sick or truly miserable, instead we move to the rocking chair), 2) she usually wants to be latched on all night every night, and 3) it is hard on relationship with dh b/c we have very little time alone together and it's usually when we're exhausted. sometimes i feel really strung out and maxed out. but then i try to remember how finite this will be in the scheme of things and cherish it.

and, i guess an unintended benefit is that i really get a lot of aerobic exercise?

i feel like most people think i'm crazy for doing stuff this way, but she is super sensitive/spirited/attached and it's just the way it is right now.

it's nice to have a space to be happy in co-sleeping AND able to vent about the challenges of the situation.


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## Love4Vayla (Mar 7, 2008)

we cosleep, too.







we have her crib attached to our bed with bungee straps under our mattress. this works out great for us! my dd gets sleepy around 9pm (she's 2 months) and wants to nurse for about an hour in bed. i put her in the crib side so the transition to her own room someday will go more smoothly, but i don't intend to decide when that will be. i figure we'll just know when she's ready. anyhow, she nurses for an hour and is usually conked out by 10pm. if she gets a good feed of the hind milk, she typically sleeps until 3 or 4am. she nurses again upon waking and then sleeps again until 8 or so. but i get up before then to get ready for work. once she's out for the night around 10pm, i can get up and clean the house or snuggle with my hubby. it's been so nice so far that I have to pinch myself to make sure i'm not dreaming.

during the day, on the other hand, is a whole different story. she's a cat-napper so only sleeps for 20-45 minutes MAX. And she absolutely has to be bounced up and down (by my own effort or the bouncy ball) and hummed to and be placed in the middle of my chest to hear the vibrations. it's so cute, but also exhausting sometimes to do this every 1.5 hours.

but, i LOVE cosleeping wtih her and so does my dh. we love seeing her half sleepy face in the morning, rubbing her little eyes and stretching her arms and legs after a long nights sleep.


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## Love4Vayla (Mar 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chemer* 
I could use some support, please. I haven't made it nearly as far as most of you mamas, my baby is only 3 1/2 months. I really want to let her wean (day and night) in her own time and I don't want to kick her out of bed or force her to sleep through the night. But, man! It's challenging, even when you love it.

She nursed every hour last night. She's slept horribly for the past week - super nursing all night long or kicking me all night. I'm just exhausted. :yawning: And I can't talk about it with any of my real life friends since they've all started baby rice before 6 months, switched to formula before 1 year, and are doing CIO.







They all offer "great" recommendations to fix my "problem", when all I really need is a hug from someone who knows where I'm coming from.

sounds like growth spurt and she's trying to get your supply up. hang in there! you're doing great!


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Time for a bump!

DD2 is almost 20 months, and waking up I don't don't know how many times a night. Once in a great while she will sleep really well, a week ago she even slept through the entire night!







That is the only time that has ever happened. I actually think she is getting her 2 year old molars in.... very, very slowly of course. For a few days here and there when she is not teething or sick, which is always, she sleeps much better, but she has been waking up screaming for weeks now and since those teeth are the only ones she doesn't have yet, I think they are to blame. I'm ok with the nigh time parenting.

What I am very slowly working on though is getting her to sleep off of me. For 19 months now, DD2 has only ever slept on my lap or curled up next to me in bed. So for every single nap (except once in a while she will fall asleep in the car) and when she goes to bed at night, I have been stuck on the couch, not able to do a thing except watch TV very quietly or use my laptop, hence the post.







She only falls asleep nursing with me sitting up, she will not if I lay down, except in the middle of night thank goodness. So I started a month ago for bedtime, going into my bedroom (she has always been nursed to sleep on the couch), sitting up the bed with my laptop, getting her used to the room, and sitting there while she slept. Now we are to the point where I can nurse her almost to sleep sitting up, lay down with her, get her all the way to sleep, and I am able to leave the room for a while. She wakes up between 0-4 times before I come to bed, most nights twice, but it's a start! Being able to do stuff at night is utterly wonderful, not having to have Dh and DD1 whisper and tip toe around.

Today I started working on naps, so I'm hiding out on the bedroom floor while she is sleeping to see how long she will sleep without being in my arms.


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## Selesai (Oct 26, 2005)

I would like to be one of you, because I do believe that my DS should be able to do what he needs to do in his own time. He actually already goes to sleep in his own room. This accidentally coincided with the move to our new house, where we slept all together in his room for a few nights before our new bed came.
But he has been waking almost every 2 hours at night to nurse and it's driving me crazy, particularly since I have a 4 mo old in my bed (and I like sleeping there better!) and also because I have a demanding full time out of the home job. I am hoping it is just allergies or a [neverending] cold that is causing this. (he has a cough and post nasal drip at night) He was almost nightweaned when my daughter was born because I just couldn't take the nighttime crazies. That went out the window when he got sick a while ago, and never changed. I tried to convince him to go back to sleep last night w/o milk and he cried. I don't want to make my baby boy cry!
*sigh* I guess I want
1. someone to fix my kid so he doesn't wake this often and
2. someone to understand and
3. recognition of the effort/control/hard work this takes, since i don't usually get it from DH!


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Selesai* 
I would like to be one of you, because I do believe that my DS should be able to do what he needs to do in his own time. He actually already goes to sleep in his own room. This accidentally coincided with the move to our new house, where we slept all together in his room for a few nights before our new bed came.
But he has been waking almost every 2 hours at night to nurse and it's driving me crazy, particularly since I have a 4 mo old in my bed (and I like sleeping there better!) and also because I have a demanding full time out of the home job. I am hoping it is just allergies or a [neverending] cold that is causing this. (he has a cough and post nasal drip at night) He was almost nightweaned when my daughter was born because I just couldn't take the nighttime crazies. That went out the window when he got sick a while ago, and never changed. I tried to convince him to go back to sleep last night w/o milk and he cried. I don't want to make my baby boy cry!
*sigh* I guess I want
1. someone to fix my kid so he doesn't wake this often and
2. someone to understand and
3. recognition of the effort/control/hard work this takes, since i don't usually get it from DH!


















It it really hard. Have you read the NCSS for toddlers? There is a lot of great ideas in there for various issues.


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## doublyblessed (Jun 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peony* 
I'm feeling the need for a like minded mamas thread. Anyone care to join me? I'm not interested in night weaning my DC, moving them out of the bed, etc... I let them do everything at their pace, whenever that may be. Which is where the need for a support thread comes in.









DD2 is only 13m old, the frequent night waking doesn't bother me, but what is getting to me is the fact she can't sleep on her own. I'm not expecting it for a while, DD1 wasn't able to until she was 2y, but I can vent about it.







She will sleep every now and then in the car, other then that she is only ever sleeping on top of me. Most of the time I'm fine with it, but it would be so nice just to have a nap here and there where I can spend some quality time with DD1 or *gasp* blissfully alone with no children. Or to carry on a conservation at night with DH above a whisper so we won't wake up sleeping baby on my lap.

On the plus side, DD1 who will be 5y next month, has very recently decided to put herself to bed every night in her own room.







: That feels strange, the child who nursed to sleep 100% of the time until she was 3y, is over snuggling and needing a parent at night time.









my five and half yo dd is also doing this...she seems very influenced by her peers...her friends all sleep in their own beds/rooms and now all of a sudden my dd wanted her own little bed. (oh excuse me, BIG GIRL BED...







) she slept in it about 3 nights in a row (its next to my king size bed) and then started crawling in w/ me once she had nightmares...she RARELY has them if she is sleeping right w/ me in our bed. so she's gone in and out of sleeping all night in her 'big girl bed' recently. then tonight she wanted to sleep in her 'own bed' which meant out on the couch. i don't have those childproof knobs on the doors and it just makes me nervous (and so sad! i miss her!) and plus i don't want her bed being the couch. so i told her we'd figure out a space for her to have her 'room', her 'bed' in... (we only have a 1 bedroom) this is very bittersweet for me. i want her so much to be happy...yet i feel she is pushing/pulling and its confusing for me. i didn't think she'd leave our family bed so soon. this is just killin' me to be honest. i miss my girl. i just hope she isn't wanting her big girl space/bed due to peer influences. just cuz her 'friends are doing it' kind of a thing, ya know? maybe she is feeling abnormal...she wants so much to be united w/ them all...so maybe its that...adapting herself to her friends' ways...i know this is common of her age but still...i wonder is this her own heart initiating this or is it her mind thinking this is what she should be doing cuz her friends are doing it? what about when they start partying...is she going to want to do that too. ugh. i know that is much different than wanting her own bed but you know what i mean.


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## Mommy2Haley (Oct 25, 2007)

Why oh why did I not find this thread until now?

I need to be around other moms who are willing to follow their child's lead when it comes to sleep development as no one IRL near me understands. They're all for the solo-crib sleeping down the hall CIO camp. Of course they think I'm "creating a bad habit" and "spoiling" DD. I beg to differ.

SO glad to have found you and off to read the whole thread (as DD permits, of course).


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