# at what age should a child wipe their own butt?



## ElliesMomma

i'm still doing it for DD, age 4. we've had some issues with eczema rashes and i just prefer to know that all the poop is definitely removed, so she doesn't have any irritants causing her skin to flare up in the crotch area.

but i hope i'm not holding her back developmentally. plus we've been lucky so far in that she seems to have great control and only pees at preschool and sorta times her poops for when she's home and i can wipe her. but at some point obviously she will need to take over this responsibility for herself.

so... how do you know when the time is right, and what degree of "completeness" of butt wiping is acceptable for you? sorry if this is getting "graphic" or otherwise disgusting, but what about "skid marks" in the underwear, or itchy butt holes if poop residue is left behind by insufficient wiping on the part of the child?

yuck! sorry again, but i am interested in others' perspectives on this!


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## Alison's Mom

My DD is 5.5. When she was at preschool, there were 3 teachers and therefore always help available when a child needed to use the washroom. Before she started K (only 1 teacher and 20 students), I started getting her to wipe her own bum in case she needed to do it at school. She was only there 1/2 day and managed to never need to poo at school, so I've sort of started helping her again.

DS is almost 4 and there is no way I would let him do it. He has eczema, and quite a few mysterious rashes in that region, so he's often itchy and always has his hands down there. Everytime he poos, I wipe, then stick him in the shower and wash the crotch area with soap and water - 1) to prevent rashes and 2) to prevent poo residue from getting on his hands.

If the eczema/rashes get better, and his hands are no longer down there, I would consider it.

I didn't actually vote because I think it depends on the child, and other issues, like rashes. I would say 4 seems reasonable for an average child?


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## OkiMom

My oldest is 3 and wipes her own butt. She actually does a better job at it than I do since she doesnt' like me wiping her butt and tries to get away from me when I do. If I found she wasn't wiping good enough (which has never been a problem) then Ill worry about it.


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## jmo

My dd is almost 5 and starting K in the fall so I started showing her how a month or so ago. At first she would wipe on her own and then I would do a check but after a week or so she had it down. Getting some of those flushable wipes was a huge help.


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## waiting2bemommy

Wow, I clicked on this from the main page and was expecting to be brought to the toddler forum, not the childhood years!!!

Ds was out of diapers (except at night) at 15-16 months, so I certainly didn't expect him to wipe his own butt at that point. I just started making him do it consistently about a month ago (at 2.5) and we haven't had any problems, other than him using waaay too many flushable wipes just for fun, lol.

i'm always really unimpressed by kids at school (I used to work in an elementray school) who were calling their kindy or 1st grade teacher to come help them in the bathroom. Well, I guess i'm unimpressed by the parents--it's not the kids' fault. I really dont' see why someone that old cannot wipe their butt---if you have the manual dexterity to tie your shoes and eat with a fork, butt-wiping really should not be a stretch.









Plus, I don't want someone else wiping my kid's butt in elementary school...to me that's kind of crossing a boundary, unless the child has special needs.


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## Grace and Granola

I said 4, but I think my real answer is....when they can!

Both my kids started wiping on their own at age 3. We sent ds1 to preschool at age 3 and he HAD to wipe his own self or he couldn't go. I panicked, but a week before school started, I told him we had to learn this to go to school and he just did it. So he was right at age 3. DS2 is almost 3.5 and in the past month he just stopped calling me in to wipe him. He will occasionally when he's feeling lazy! But mostly, he's independent.

That said, I know not all kids take to it at age 3. Having a 4yo now, I can't imagine why he wouldn't be capable of it at 4. But whatever, as long as it's not causing anyone any problems or embarrassment.


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## Devaskyla

I said 4, but haven't managed it yet. Ds1 was over 6 due to sensory/anxiety issues. Ds2 swore up & down he'd start doing it when he was 5. He's been 5 for a few weeks & is now swearing he'll do it when he's 6. *sigh* I wish I knew how to make him do it, because I have had enough. He needs wiping way too often when the baby is asleep on me.


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## crowcaw

My twins aren't quite 5 and they've been doing it for a few months. They were in preschool all last year though and managed just fine there so they were capable before they were willing. I think they mostly just enjoyed bellowing "Come wipe my tushy!!!!"

I think dds were physically capable of doing a good job of it around 3/3.5 but didn't think that they necessarily "should" be doing it if they preferred that I did. But I also think that they should do it themselves once they're in preschool/school.


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## urchin_grey

My nephew was PL'd just before his 2nd birthday and starting wiping his own bum shortly after that. Of course we had to double check for him at first, but by 2.5 he was completely independent in the bathroom, except for rebuttoning his pants.

However, I still wipe my 5 year old's bum, but he is SN and hates being wiped so when I try to get him to do it himself, he just pats his bum with the cloth.


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## happysmileylady

I voted 4, I really mean 4ish...or at least before going to school full time. I was a teacher assistant for a time in a Kindergarten room. I was just REALLY uncomfortable with the idea of wiping a child's bottom by that age. To me, it really felt like a liability issue as much as anything else. Some of the schools I student taught at had pretty strict rules about things like hugging, ways to offer comfort etc. Because things like that can and have been taken the wrong way and lawsuits have occurred when something was misconstrued or misunderstood, by a child or parent or care provider or all three even.

I believe that learning to wipe the bottom is a part of learning to potty train. It's something I plan to teach my child as a part of the potty process. She's 20 months old and I think we still have many months before we even start that process. I don't recall though wiping my older one's bottom for much longer after she was trained...she was like 3.5 when she was finally potty trained.


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## Cascadian

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 

I just started making him do it consistently about a month ago (at 2.5) and we haven't had any problems, other than him using waaay too many flushable wipes just for fun, lol.

i'm always really unimpressed by kids at school (I used to work in an elementray school) who were calling their kindy or 1st grade teacher to come help them in the bathroom. Well, I guess i'm unimpressed by the parents--it's not the kids' fault. I really dont' see why someone that old cannot wipe their butt---


TBH I don't think that many 2 yr olds have the ability to really clean their behinds without leaving residue. Sitting in that all day is not only stinky and uncomfortable, but a health hazard (remember the odd times that you left a poopy diaper too long accidentally and had a huge old painful and ugly rash to deal with?)

It really has a lot to do with the child. Some have fine motor skill dexterity earlier than others, and it doesn't mean that they're slow, or developmentally disabled. Kids develop different skills at different times.


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## mizzoh

ds is 4.5 and while he _can_ wipe his own behind, it is often with disaterous results


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## mom2happy

I taught both my kids the summer before kindergarten.


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## laohaire

Mine is on the cusp of 5, and I wipe her butt. (Obviously she does the rest).

I do think she's capable of wiping her own butt but I prefer to do a more thorough job. Also I wipe her butt with wet family cloth (she loves that) but it would be difficult for her to wet her own cloth and so on (she's hypotonic so she doesn't climb on stuff like many kids... she'd have to move the stool from the toilet over to the sink, wet the cloth, all the while with her undies around her ankles).

Anyway, she's homeschooled so I don't feel any pressure or special need to get her to wipe her own butt. I can't fathom that I'm somehow disabling her, that at age 9 or 19 or 49 that she won't be wiping herself. She doesn't wash her own hair, either - she's perfectly capable of wetting her hair, spreading shampoo around, and wetting it again but she's not going to be as thorough in washing - or, more importantly, rinsing. I don't feel the need to get my panties in a bunch about her being "independent" when some things are just better done by adults for now.

I am quite certain that within the next 6 months I'll be handing the job over to her, though.


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## tbone_kneegrabber

Well Ds turned 3 yesterday (whoa!) and is not wiping his own butt. We might start talking about it soon, we use flushable wipes, which I think make it sooooo much easier for me to wipe him, and hopefully for him to wipe himself.


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## Joyster

My 4 year old is very good at taking care of himself. I don't even have to deal with skid marks! (My child butt wiping prodigy *G*) However some of my friends kids of the same age still need help. I'm thinking around 5 or 6 they should hopefully have that stuff mastered, for their mother's sake.


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## sunnygir1

I voted 4, but it definitely depends on the child. My dd is 3.5 and can do it on her own, but if it happens to be a messy one she needs help. I mostly do it for her at this point. I do encourage her to do it on her own if I am breastfeeding or something (then I only have to go in if things get messy).

I'd rather have her clean than independent when it comes to feces.


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## mamazee

I think my dd might have been close to 6 before she could logistically handle it, but she's always been really slow at learning and handling physical things, so most kids might be able to handle it earlier.


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## ellemenope

So funny 'cause my 25 month old just came out of the bathroom saying:

"I just used some toilet paper to wipe pee off the floor and then wiped my bum with it and I threw it in the toilet." (just so you know mom.)

We have been having success with her taking care of her peeps, but I will probably be wiping her butt of poop for a long time. I have fond memories of calling my mother in to wipe my butt. She was so darn good at it. I don't remember how old I was, but I remember thinking one day, 'wow, I think I am starting to really get the hang of this wiping thing. I am almost as good as my mom.' It waas never an issue for school. that would be weird.

ETA: I did not vote. I don't know. i don't have an opinion.


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## skueppers

I can't actually remember when my children started wiping their own bottoms. Whenever they were able to? I think it was sometime around the time when they turned 3.

No, they didn't always do a great job at first, and my 3 1/2 year old sometimes asks me for help in a particularly messy situation, which is fine with me.

I don't get worked up if he occasionally doesn't wipe well enough -- he's gotten an itchy bottom a couple of times, and I explained why it happened. Seems like part of the learning process to me.


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## Llyra

My three year olds can do it, albeit imperfectly. But I don't think I'd say a 3 year old SHOULD be able to. But I think by five, unless there's some mitigating reason, a kid should at least be in the process of learning. In any case, before kindergarten. I wouldn't send a child to elementary school without that skill.


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## eepster

I voted by 4. Generally kids are physically capable by 4 yo. Obviously this wouldn't pertain in certain exceptional circumstance, such as SN or the rash situation a PP mentioned, but barring those 4 yo seems like a doable goal. I think many kids are ready even earlier. I see no reason to not start teaching them to as soon as they are basically PLed and their arms a long enough to reach all the way back. DS started at 3 1/2 yo when his arms were long enough.

I don't think most 4 yo will be perfect at it, but isn't that the point of underwear? The underwear is there to keep the skid marks off the rest of the clothing. An occasional itchy butt is the feed back that one should be wiping more carefully. This is also why we bath our kids.


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## finnegansmom

I think somewhere between 3-4, a child can understand how to do it and why there is a need to do it. My son is 3.75 and will ask me to do it sometimes, I usually stop there and ask him to TRY first - then I finish. I'm lucky that he is regular and has rather easy poops to deal with. I use toilet paper as does my son but my DH insists on using the cloth wipes we use with our younger's diapers which my son won't use on himself (well not without throwing the cloth wipe into the toilet, ugh).

He does know how to wash his hands with soap by himself after going to the bathroom, which is a plus.

I might add, my son is fussy about his underwear - if there is any sign of skid mark or one drop of urine on the front or anything, they need to be changed immediately...LOL...
I'm not complaining, I'm glad he likes to be clean.


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## zeldamomma

I think that if you leave your child in the care of others (lots of playdates, etc...), barring special needs, they should be able to potty independently around 4. If your child is always with someone who is willing to wipe their butt, I think it's fine to let them ask for help for as long as they like.

I once had an 8 year old ask me to wipe her. It felt inappropriate to me, and I was unhappy to be put in the situation.


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## One_Girl

My dd was about three and a half and her teacher did an awesome job of acting out how to wipe your own bottom (fully clothed of course). DD picked it up very quickly. There were some skid marks from time to time. My dd had horrible rashes when she was in diapers and had to be on only one kind of diaper with cream at every change, she never once had a rash even a third as bad as they were then. She was uncomfortable a few times and she had a rash once, but we talked about why she had it and she did a much better job after each time. Skid marks may have been mildly annoying to me when she was younger, but now that she is seven it has been so long since she has had any that it isn't something I suggest focusing on and worrying about.


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## leighi123

Ds has been out of diapers sense he was 15months old (day and night), and wiping his own butt from about 20ish months. We use cloth wipes with a squirt of wipes solution.
I have to re-wipe sometimes, more when he was younger than now (he just turned 3), but he does have food allergies and therefore poop issues, so sometimes its just messy and he needs more help. He is getting more and more independant with it though, and I dont plan on having to re-wipe for much longer....ew.


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## meemee

my dd is almost 8. she tries but still doesnt do a good job (only bottom). she is v. v. fastidious where cleanliness is concerned. so when she is with me, i do it. she does her best at school. at her dad's she uses a bidet.

i dont mind. whatever. it wont be forever.


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## elizawill

my daughter has wiped her own bum since she was probably 4. my little guy is 6 & wipes his own most of the time. but if he has a loose stool & needs help, he knows he can certainly call for me still. i don't mind helping him, but i can say that helping another kid his age would be a little weird for me. if he was out and about though without me, he would never ask someone for assistance... he'd just figure it out i suppose.


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## limabean

My DS is 5 and wipes himself most of the time, but asks for help every once in a while. Sometimes I give him a peri bottle to be kind of like a bidet and help get all the bits off so that he just has to dab dry with toilet paper.


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## limette

2. Which is the time both of mine were completely potty trained.


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## mamalisa

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laohaire* 
Mine is on the cusp of 5, and I wipe her butt. (Obviously she does the rest).

I do think she's capable of wiping her own butt but I prefer to do a more thorough job. Also I wipe her butt with wet family cloth (she loves that) but it would be difficult for her to wet her own cloth and so on (she's hypotonic so she doesn't climb on stuff like many kids... she'd have to move the stool from the toilet over to the sink, wet the cloth, all the while with her undies around her ankles).

Anyway, she's homeschooled so I don't feel any pressure or special need to get her to wipe her own butt. I can't fathom that I'm somehow disabling her, that at age 9 or 19 or 49 that she won't be wiping herself. She doesn't wash her own hair, either - she's perfectly capable of wetting her hair, spreading shampoo around, and wetting it again but she's not going to be as thorough in washing - or, more importantly, rinsing. I don't feel the need to get my panties in a bunch about her being "independent" when some things are just better done by adults for now.

I am quite certain that within the next 6 months I'll be handing the job over to her, though.

We've been talking about how when dd turns 5 she will be big enough to wipe her own butt. You know, sort of selling it like "You'll finally be big enough to do it yourself!! I'll let you!!" I'm not interested in doing it anymore.

She did tell me last week that I had to wipe it until she got married, then he husband would do it for her. Good luck with that!! I can't get her dad to put his dirty underwear in the hamper!!


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## ellemenope

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamalisa* 
She did tell me last week that I had to wipe it until she got married, then he husband would do it for her.

Priceless!


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## zeldamomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laohaire* 
Anyway, she's homeschooled so I don't feel any pressure or special need to get her to wipe her own butt. I can't fathom that I'm somehow disabling her, that at age 9 or 19 or 49 that she won't be wiping herself. She doesn't wash her own hair, either - she's perfectly capable of wetting her hair, spreading shampoo around, and wetting it again but she's not going to be as thorough in washing - or, more importantly, rinsing. I don't feel the need to get my panties in a bunch about her being "independent" when some things are just better done by adults for now.

I homeschool too. I think you may want to consider giving her a brief course on how to wipe herself, in case she has a bowel movement when she's in someone else's care, or only leave her with people who are aware that she doesn't toilet independently. I know that some homeschoolers don't do drop-offs at 5, but some do, and if a 5 year old were left in my care, my expectation would be that I would not be wiping bottoms.


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## Purplegal

My DD turned 4 in June and I still wipe her, but that is MY preference. I just get grossed out thinking that she is walking around with poop on her butt, so I'd rather do it myself. I did teach her how because at her preschool they are not permitted to help in any way, but she so far will ONLY poop at home (with clothes ALL off, books set up on a stool, etc.







) so it has not been an issue.
I know the day is coming I need to hand it over to her to do....but not yet!


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## JBaxter

It is required for preschool here. Preschool teachers are not allowed to wipe butts so we practiced the summer before preschool started. My boys generally potty train between 2 &2 1/2 so it isnt an issue


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## ThisCat

I think this is like asking at what age should a child sleep though the night, be out of diapers, stop nursing or using a bottle, or the other host of "milestones" that kids are supposed to hit. I don't think there's any universal age because there are so many variables involved. Just like everything else, I don't think anyone is going to go off to college without knowing how to wipe their butt.

My daughter is going to be five this fall, and her dad and I still wipe her because she doesn't want to do it herself. Also, she has extremely sensitive skin, so it's important she be wiped really well. None of this has been a problem because we don't mind, and she hasn't been in school or daycare, so no worries there. However, she'll be starting preschool next month and even though they're willing to help somewhat, I think she should be able to handle things in the bathroom by herself while she's there. So we'll be spending the rest of the summer on butt wiping lessons.







But if she still wants me to do it at home, no problem.


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## Wolfcat

I put 3 cuz that's when DS learned, but it is as soon as the child has the physical coordination to do so. Some parents seem determined to believe that their children are not as capable as they really are...


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## ThisCat

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Wolfcat* 
Some parents seem determined to believe that their children are not as capable as they really are...

And some parents seem determined to believe that what works for them should work for everyone....


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## MJB

I said 3; I stopped wiping my oldest on his 4th bday (with some practice and warnings before then) and my second at 2.5 before he started preschool. I think 4 is too old to be wiping their butt for them. Both my boys potty trained a little before 2 and I expect to potty train my daughter between 18-24 mos. as well, with wiping coming at 2-3.


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## northcountrymamma

dd is 6.5...she has been wiping on her own with touch ups from me since she was 2-3 ish. however...she needs re-instruction from time to time to remember how to get all the poo. We've had a few pretty nasty undies over the years.









I voted but don't think it was acurate to say that every 3 year old could do it...and mine didn't do it well at that point, but she did it, which was good practice for her.

as a side note I remember my sister (15mo younger than me) at 6 or 7 screeching at the top of her lungs "I NEEEEEEEED HEEEEELLLLP" and one of my parents would wipe her bum. I'm sure it didn't end at that point. I have no idea when I stopped needing help, I'm not nearly as dramatic as her!


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## cappuccinosmom

There wasn't an option I could pick. I don't think there's a particular age. Some will be developmentally able to do it earlier, and others will take longer.


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## Sierra

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Grace and Granola* 
but I think my real answer is....when they can!

Yes to all the posts along these lines.

Yes to all those who have said it varies by kid, like any milestone.

My mildly developmentally delayed 5 y.o. can do it, but he is very picky about cleanliness and often asks me to check how he did. When he has trouble, he appreciates help. I think we gave him a little push around the time he went to school, and at school, he does the best he can on his own. I think he tries to save his poop for home, honestly, because he knows he can't ask his teachers for help.

The big difference between him and my 4 y.o. is not dexterity, but actually type of poop. My 5 y.o.'s poop doesn't "plop" with a clean break, and it tends to be more "sticky" so it really is a lot harder to get off. Even *I* have trouble with it when I help him, and I can see what I am doing.

Wet wipes are actually horrible for plumbing, according to a plumber friend of mine, especially in old houses like mine, so we don't use wet wipes (I guess we could do cloth, but we were so glad to be done with diapers that we really haven't looked back). At the same time, ds' poop is a major skin irritation and results in more than "itchy bum," so I get why even though he knows he can do it, he still asks for help some of the time at home.

My 4 y.o. has trouble reaching her butt well enough due to size and dexterity, but once she can reach and really get in there for wiping, I think she'll have no problem because her poop always comes off very clean. She's going to school in the fall, so we've been asking her to try first before asking us for help. We'll probably have a talk about school expectations in the next couple of weeks.

************************************************** ********
Edited because tonight I started to talk with dd about wiping and school, and ds chimed in to tell us both that the teachers actually can and do help (at their particular school) if necessary. This honestly really surprises me because the school is really big on independence and encouraging self-care skills. But ds said matter-of-factly that some kids arent ready. Hmm.


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## kblackstone444

I started my children wiping by themselves as soon as they were potty training. Of course, sometimes they needed help, and at first, it was "you wipe, and then I'll help if you need help". Flushable wipes helped, also. That's pretty standard at the daycares these days, also.


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## tinuviel_k

I'm glad to see all the "when they can" responses. Some kids are ready quite young, and some need a few more years. What is the big deal with that?

As to the several post expressing disbelief that a child older than four can't wipe their own bottom efficiently or that a parent is somehow holding their kids back from independence...







Whatever. I think I know my own child well enough to be aware of when she could safely wipe poop themselves, and it was impossible at a young age for her. My daughter was 5.5 to 6 years old before she was able to achieve the proper reach and "front to back" technique perfectly. I'd rather have my child learn to wipe well than early. Poopy underwear and UTIs are not worth early independence to me, which is exactly what we would have gotten with my kiddo had I made her wipe herself too early.

A friend of mine really forced early wiping, and her daughter had chronic urinary tract infections from age 3-5 because she just couldn't wipe properly and kept getting fecal contamination in her vagina and urethra. The poor kid was antibiotics many times in those two years and had to cope with a lot of pain. She just wasn't ready.


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## OGirlieMama

I am actually caught between giggling and sighing at the thought that people are annoyed at 3, 4, or 5 year old children who can't/won't/don't wipe their own butts. Man, times are tough, aren't they?!

My 4.5-year-olds are sporadic. Sometimes they do it, sometimes they ask me to. If I'm around, I usually at least check their wiping, because I'm never quite sure if they're actually getting in there and wiping or just doing a ceremonial kind of thing. Most of the time it's clean after they wipe, but then again, most of the time it's clean even when I wipe the first time. They are remarkably clean poopers, for which I am awfully grateful.


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## BennyPai

My girls have been wiping their own butts since they finished potty training.

I've been to friends' houses and heard 4yo little ones calling to their mothers from the bathroom, "stuck" on the toilet until their mothers wiped them. By the time my girls moved on to the regular toilet (2 and a half - 3yrs old), I never had an opportunity to wipe their butts. They just went to the bathroom on their own and didn't see a need to consult with me... Flushing the toilet is another story... they're afraid of the flush.


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## elizawill

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OGirlieMama* 
I am actually caught between giggling and sighing at the thought that people are annoyed at 3, 4, or 5 year old children who can't/won't/don't wipe their own butts. Man, times are tough, aren't they?!


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## ecoteat

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mizzoh* 
ds is 4.5 and while he _can_ wipe his own behind, it is often with disaterous results

I was about to say the same thing. I still prefer to wipe her most of the time mostly so I don't have to clean poop off her hands and have her complain that her butt itches later, only to find it all red and angry-looking. When she's at preschool she does it herself, but she hasn't had enough practice to be thorough enough. Luckily she doesn't poop at school very often!

I think over the course of this school year I'll start giving her pointers and the chance to try it with help sometimes. She certainly needs to be independent with that by kindergarten!


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## AuroraPolaris

My boys all have been starting to wipe themselves somewhere between 5 and 6 years old. Here school starts when they are 6, and it is expected that they can take care of it on their own by then.


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## akwifeandmomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mizzoh* 
ds is 4.5 and while he _can_ wipe his own behind, it is often with disaterous results









This!

My oldest has wiped since he learned to use the toilet at 3. He's a private pooper, and very independent.

DS2? Notsomuch. He'll just skip it, and then I'm left wondering why there's a turd in the toilet with no paper... BLECH!


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## lovingmommyhood

I said three because that's when my DS's both started doing it on their own.


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## major_mama11

DD didn't regularly wipe herself until 4.5 (a few mos ago). I was strongly encouraging since age 3. She finally agreed to wipe herself IF she gets to use a baby wipe for poops.









Nephew is 4, and is still a non-wiper. SIL has found um, evidence that he just doesn't yet have the patience for accurate wiping yet.


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## EdnaMarie

I don't like "should" for child development so I didn't vote.

I think that physically, reaching is hard for a lot of kids, not to mention coordination *behind their backs*. I would not trust most two-year-olds to have that coordination, even if they did have the desire to wipe themselves.

I think that six is a late-bloomer but "shouldn't" doesn't apply. I would guess the average is 3.5... my child was trained early, but still needed help to get it clean until three, and she has very long arms.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamalisa* 

She did tell me last week that I had to wipe it until she got married, then he husband would do it for her. Good luck with that!! I can't get her dad to put his dirty underwear in the hamper!!

This had me literally laughing out loud. Sometimes I would love to see how those gears work in their little heads.


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## kelly234578

I am SOOOOOO glad someone has enough sense to realize that not all children can do the reach around butt wipe...and that wiping fecal matter up into the vaginal area is unhealthy and causes UTI's.

MY PROBLEM is the 5 year old is GROSSED out by POOP! She literally gags if you even mention POOP. This has been an ongoing argument between mother and grandmother. Mother insist that she wipe her butt herself...grandmother says you have to check it at the very least and assist if necessary.

As a result of insisting the child wipe even though she cant reach herself properly and is grossed out...she will hold too long...poops a bit in her pants...sits in it for a bit...then announces she has had an accident...I need help. We get her cleaned up...but then she has a blistered sore bottom (poop is wicked on the skin) and she is obviously embarrassed. The grandmother validates that poop is kinda gross but you must wipe and at some point you will be able to do it and you will not be grossed out...and until then she will be assisted her with wiping. Mom thinks this is coddling and not necessary...any input would be appreciated!


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## onyxravnos

at 5 he is totally independent . this summer we did you 'you wipe mom checks' until he had it down.


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## KayasMama04

Wet wipes for the toliet are great for early learning.


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## greenemami

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Cascadian*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy*
> 
> I just started making him do it consistently about a month ago (at 2.5) and we haven't had any problems, other than him using waaay too many flushable wipes just for fun, lol.
> 
> i'm always really unimpressed by kids at school (I used to work in an elementray school) who were calling their kindy or 1st grade teacher to come help them in the bathroom. Well, I guess i'm unimpressed by the parents--it's not the kids' fault. I really dont' see why someone that old cannot wipe their butt---
> 
> TBH I don't think that many 2 yr olds have the ability to really clean their behinds without leaving residue. Sitting in that all day is not only stinky and uncomfortable, but a health hazard (remember the odd times that you left a poopy diaper too long accidentally and had a huge old painful and ugly rash to deal with?)
> 
> It really has a lot to do with the child. Some have fine motor skill dexterity earlier than others, and it doesn't mean that they're slow, or developmentally disabled. Kids develop different skills at different times.


hahah the thought of my 2.5 year old wiping his own butt...would probably result in a whole roll of TP in and around the toilet. And other frightening things. He can physically wipe his own butt, yes, but doesn't have the ability yet to figure out what is clean and what is not and what is just fun to play with. My dd started wiping her own butt when she was late 4, I think, but could have probably late 3 or early 4, just didn't want to (which was no big deal to me, she didn't got to preschool or anything so it wasn't an issue.)


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## loveandgarbage

We still help our 4 yr old wipe but we're working on him being independent about it. Part of me knows that he won't get himself really clean and that's why I like to wipe him! But the other part of me knows he just has to do it himself to really learn. We use toddler wet wipes which IMHO is a lot easier for kids that TP for getting truly clean. I'd like to phase them out but for right now they're a life saver.


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## stacyann21

My son was able to do a thorough enough job wiping himself around 4.5. Before that I usually had to assist or he would have poo stains in his underwear and complain of an itchy bottom.


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## Autumn M

Hi, My son started wiping his own butt at 4yo, but not well. Behold the skidmark. LOL!! He grew better at it as he approached 5.5yo, his current age. Now, he's a solo wiper!


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