# Children and adult nudity



## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

How old is too old to shower with a child? I often wonder when I will have to stop showering with my son. Does gender matter? What about just being nude in front of children?


----------



## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Rather than an arbitrary age, I think that the childs needs should decide. Kids become "body aware" or modest at different ages, let their needs guide.


----------



## Missgrl (Nov 18, 2001)

I voted ''other'' only b/c i feel like it differs with parent to parent and child to child. I think it is just important to "read" your child and your relationship and
hope you will know when it is time to stop. Of course I have only boys so I
might view things slightly different.
I do know that with my mom....I felt nudity was VERY taboo and never felt
comfortable discussing bodily questions with her. So even if you feel like nudity should be private it is so important to talk to our children about their
bodies and be open for all questions!


----------



## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

Well, I asked this, because I never saw a male parent nude, and in fact, the first place I saw a nude man was either on t.v. or a porn magazine, which instilled fear of the male body in me. I also remember finding a book called "Who am I" that my mom had hidden from me, which was a dirty cartoon book. Funny, I always forgot to tell her that! I may have been molested by a man when I was little and blocked it out.
Anyways, I just wonder if I had seen an adult male nude, and in a non-threatening way, if I would be so uncomfortable, even now, with the male body, or if I should shelter my daughter from seeing ANY adult naked male, in any form, including art. I tend to think that if she sees the male body as beautiful, and normal, maybe she won't be so creeped out like I am. I still get really kind of uncomfortable about dh's nude body. It is something I need to work on, and having a son has helped me a little.


----------



## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Arduinna_
*Rather than an arbitrary age, I think that the childs needs should decide. Kids become "body aware" or modest at different ages, let their needs guide.*
I completely agree with that. I think that's healthy.

I take baths with my almost 3 yr old son. I have never felt that this was wrong to do. A) It's my relaxing time B) he ends up joining me because it looks like fun. C) I get out, put new water for him, then it turns into his bathtime.

I guess we'll stop when it no longer feels right.

Compare and contrast with my DH, who won't even let Giancarlo watch him pee! Or shower. I don't get it.

I used to babysit for a 6 year old girl (dad Japanese, mom American) and she used to take baths with her dad. I didn't blink, because I knew it was totally innocent. The mom explained that it was healthy for her dd to see a real, adult male penis so she wouldn't be so freaked out as an adult. I agree.


----------



## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

I agree, let the child decide. When they become uncomfortable thats when it should stop. Thats how we're going to do things in this house


----------



## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I think it depends on the child. At this point I have a hard time bathing with ds. He wants to nurse when he sees my breasts!







Which is fine but come on I just to take a bath! Even if he is standing outside the tub (I let him play in the water) he'll reach in grab me with both hands and tip toe till his mouth reaches me!

I think that going topless will be different than complete nudity. I might be wrong though. I don't remember seeing my dad naked. But I can tell you that the first man I do remember seeing naked was dh on our wedding night! And I was anything BUT scared!!!


----------



## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by its_our_family_
*I think it depends on the child. At this point I have a hard time bathing with ds. He wants to nurse when he sees my breasts!*
Megan, I don't know how I succeeded in this, because my son also looooooooooooooves to nurse, but I have a rule in the bathtub: no nursing. Thankfully, he accepts it. Yeah, otherwise, it would not be fun for me!

I let him play with the water too while I bathe. He insists on having some shampoo too and he helps me wash my hair. Very cute, very sweet. 5 minutes later he asks to come in. I always oblige.


----------



## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Tracy doesn't quite get the boundary yet. When I say no he grunts. I'll get a washcloth or use my hand and over myself till he forgets but he'll scream first! usually I jsut end up getting out. I'm too easy on him







But a mad baby ruins my bath!


----------



## Raihana (Apr 26, 2002)

I think that when it becomes uncomfortable for someone (if ever) then it's time to stop going nude. Showers & baths are more intimate in my perception though & I'd vote around age 5 (depending on the child) for that one. My 12 year old does help give the babies their baths though. He's not embarrassed by their naked little bodies but he wears swim trunks. If & when the babies get uncomfortable with the situation we'll respect their privacy & change things.


----------



## Lemon Balm (Jan 23, 2002)

I voted nudity is fine w/no age limit. I feel that is the case as long as the child is comfortable with it. My 8 yo dd is now more modest especially around dh. They are not nude around each other because she is showing signs of discomfort with it. This is a slow transition. She used to just whip off her clothes in front of the dress-up box & change into whatever. Now she starts to do this & catches herself, then covers herself with her arms. We just try to leave the room or pay attention to something else without making a big deal of it. We want her to be comfortable in her transition. She is perfectly comfortable being around me nude and will occaisionally shower with me. Sometimes she doesn't want me around when she's changing & that's fine. She'll let us know how much privacy she needs by her behavior.

2 yo dd, on the other hand, refuses clothing around anyone! Dead of winter & I can't keep her dressed. It's sometimes a real struggle to her clothed to go outside. At home, when she is clothed, it's not for long. The other day, I though it was chilly in the house & offered her clothing so she wouldn't be cold. Her reply "I'm not cold 'cause you can keep me warm. 'Cause you can keep me warm with your lap!"


----------



## stayinghome (Jul 4, 2002)

I think nudity,showering, etc. is fine until it starts to feel uncomfortable for either the parent or the child. In my family this is usually when my kids hit 6-7 years. Warmly, HeatherE


----------



## tessamami (Mar 11, 2002)

I think that DD and DH will stop bathing together when she turns 3.

I always hated having my mom naked around me because she also thought nothing of peeing, pooping, etc.


----------



## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

It's too old when anyone is uncomfortable with it. My 8.5 yo dd is fine with nudity (ours and hers), but is modest around anyone else, including the foster kids (younger boys). We are going to the Canary Islands in September (she'll be nine then) and she is TOTALLY horrified at the thought of me or anyone else going topless there.


----------



## barbara (Feb 13, 2002)

I've found that most children begin to be shy or modest around 5 to 7 years of age. At that time it is natural to give them their privacy. In our home we found that having a relaxed attitude about nudity has helped our children to have healthy attitudes about it.

I have been surprised to see that many children are uncomfortable when seeing a baby of the opposite sex without a diaper. I find this odd as my own children think nothing of it.

My children have always enjoyed the nudes at the art musuem and we have had the most interesting discussions centered around these pieces.







It sure beats waiting till a friend introduces them to nudity in the form of a pron mag.









peace,
-b


----------



## WickidaWitch (Feb 16, 2002)

I think as long as the parent and child are comfortable with it why should one stop?.


----------



## Pynki (Aug 19, 2002)

i thin kit's ok until someone is unccomfortable with it.. You or your child.. you need to respect your boundaries and your childs.. I saw my dad naked as a kid.. My mother had no problem with nudity and still doesnt until this day.. (although i DO wish she would at least shut the bathroom door.. I mean come on.. You walk right past it to get to the toliet..







: )I don't have a problem with nekkid anybody.. We used to go skinny dipping when i was in my early 20.s with our friends.. We knew what everyone equipment looked like.. Sorry.. Went







T














well amybe.. it's all about being nekkid..

I don't have a problem with it.. I think the best way to insure your kids have a good body image is to make sure that you aren't overly concerned about thier bodies.. Naked or clothed...

Warm Squishies...

Dyan


----------



## hahamommy (Dec 18, 2001)

I voted no age, because I don't think there's an arbitrary line in the ground about this issue... *When it's not comfortable...* is the best rule of thumb. I wish I still had DH around, he showered with the kids everyday, I would have liked to have experienced the natural end to that routine. Both kids, 6.5 and 4.5, bathe with me when they want to, we don't limit skin exposure to one another. Hannah will occasionaly have a day where she doesn't want anyone to see her get dressed and we respect that ~ then 10 minutes later she has us guessing which undies she picked so I think *that* may be why instead of the nudity issue








Luckily, we visit our hometown often enough, the kids (okay, us too!!) have been obsessed with Naked David downtown (michaelangelo's David) ... we drive by and tell him to put clothes on, tell him he needs a coat, *wonk* his *nalgas* (pinch his butt) ... and basically enjoy a giant naked man in the middle of town!!!
When I get married again, I'm sure I will have a very different take on this issue, *how to introduce a new nudie* :LOL
~diana


----------



## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

I voted "other" because I think it depends on the child and the parent. IMO, nudity is fine as long as all the persons involved are comfortable with it. As soon as someone feels uncomfortable, time to cover up. Most people do equate nudity with sexuality, some to a greater degree than others, and this is probably what makes them feel uncomfortable in the first place. I also think people tend to be less comfortable about little girls viewing adult male bodies than they are with boys viewing adult women...the result probably is more girls thinking of the adult male body as somehow frightening. I know I thought of it that way as a child. Honestly, my dh became uncomfortable being undressed in front of dd at a pretty early age - about 2 - and he isn't even comfortable with her seeing little boys naked, even if the boy is a baby getting a diaper change. He just doesn't like her seeing a penis! I'm not sure why he is so uptight about it, and he kind of brushes it off whenever I ask him. Hmmmm...overprotective daddy?


----------



## Bladestar5 (Jan 5, 2003)

Oh, boy, make sure he never says anything like that in front of her. She will have a complex, like me.


----------



## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

Um... is it wrong for kids to see their naked parents from birth till death in tribal communities where everyone is moslty or partly naked all the time? I don't think so. In America the human body is so oversexualized it's disgusting. Is it wrong for chimps to see their parents privates?? We are animals and clothes are only not optional in this society because of our Euro/Victorian roots. It's just a human body. We have been conditioned to cover it up, but it is only important to cover up to keep warm. (Or to look cute, in my case







) I don't understand why everyone makes a big deal. I only started being uncomfortable around my single dad when he was naked at the time another family member who had been abusing me began making comments about my budding sexuality, I was 9 and starting puberty.) My dad actually recognized that it wasn't normal. It's NOT normal to be uncomfortable, and while it doesn't mean your child is being molested, it does mean that somewhere they are being conditioned to think the human form is inherently sexual. In some ways the human form is sexual, but it is also purely animal, and the sexual parts of our nature are natural. =) Mother Nature has many imbedded safeguards against incest. They have done studies and family members recognize each others' smells and actually prefer the smells of other people. We secrete fairmones to ward off our family members. We were born to be nude. My child will be at ease with the human form. She will be co-sleeping as long as she wants. Should I come up with an age for DP to cover himself up? Or me for that matter? We all sleep pretty close to nude or nude. It's comfortable that way, most people agree. Anyway, we're no different from other animals.
Lauren


----------



## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

I think most people here used the individual feelings of the child or parent as a gauge. Veganmama, you are right when you say that being uncomfortable with nudity is due to the oversexualization of the human body, but the truth of the matter is that people DO feel uncomfortable regardless of whether or not they SHOULD, so I think that it is appropriate for people to respect their own and others' feelings. While I didn't necessarily agree with my dh's need to cover up when dd was so young, I would never argue with him. It's his body and he has the right to keep it private if he wants to. Just as I don't want my dd to feel that she needs to uncover her body in front of anyone if she doesn't want to, KWIM?

There are a lot of things "wrong" with society, and the oversexualization of the human body is certainly one of them, but unfortunately we need to keep ourselves and our children safe, so in our culture, teaching a certain degree of modesty is not such a bad thing. Just my $.02!


----------



## Yinsum (Jan 12, 2003)

I voted other. I agree it has to be what's comfortable for the family. In our home we are all comfortable with nudity. Maybe sometimes too much.
After the recent snow storm, my 9yr old came in from playing in the snow. He stood in the doorway and stripped down to nothing so as not to wet up the floor. It didn't phase him that kids from the neighborhood were out, about and possibly looking through the glass door. I just closed the wood door and said nothing. Our children don't see their bodies as something to feel shameful about. When they start to have feelings of modesty, we will respect those feelings.


----------



## lorijds (Jun 6, 2002)

Our girls, 4 and 7, are not uncomfortable being naked in the house, no matter who is here (friends of ours that htey haven't seen for a long time, their friends, just us, whoever). They still want to be naked in the yard, but we have some funky neighbors, and I am not comfortable having my greasy neighbor peering over the hedge watching my naked kids play!









I have noticed that, in my intimate circle of friends, people we have been friends with for ever, at least since we have had kids, the kids are the same. When their kids come over, they have no problem stripping down to change into dress up clothes. But now that older dd is in school, and younger is in preschool where they have met new friends, when these friends spend the night or play, I notice that they are modest around us. I have no idea how my children are at their houses!

Our house is 800+ square feet, with one bathroom and two bedrooms. Dh changes clothes in front of the girls, they don't even blink twice. We kind of feel like our house is too small to be very modest!!


----------



## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

I think being nude around children is fine, as long as it doesn't bother the children, or child. My dd is ok with being nude around us, but gets all gigglily and silly if she sees us nude. The boys could care less at this point.
I think as soon as someone feels uncomfortable with nakedness it should stop.

HEATHERH


----------



## jenniferB (Aug 7, 2002)

something also to consider is the other end of the spectrum of life. parents will get older, god willing, and often will need someone to take care of them. this often includes diaper changing. i'm sure we all know instances of this and the awkwardness of a daughter having to undress and clean her elderly father when she has never seen him naked before. the same could be said for son and mother.

i think it is such and act of love and compassion to take care of your own parents and not hire someone else to do the messy parts. bodies go thru all sorts of changes as they grow and age and i think it is important for children to have awareness of this.

many of you mentioned paying attention to when the child shows signs of discomfort.
Certainly if the child is unconfortable undressing in front of anyone, there feelings should be respected and they should have their privacy. however if the child is uncomfortable seeing a parent nude, is it our responsibility as parents to find out why? some fear might come from what they don't understand.

~jen


----------



## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I also think it should be up to the child. A child should never be forced to view nudity or to be naked, but if the parents and child don't have a problem with it, why should anyone else?

I think that if the parents are uncomfortable, they should cover themselves up but not the child if the child doesn't want to cover up.

However, I think an erection is not appropriate for any age to view! This could be just my personal issues but the thought of a child seeing a father's erection really disturbs me.


----------



## lamplighter (Nov 20, 2001)

I voted other. I feel that it all depends on the child's comfort level and your own comfort level. My parents were always "victorian" in their approach to being naked and that was how I grew up. i want to raise my daughter differently.

I never want my daughter to feel shame about her body, what ever the shape, skin condition, etc., it doesn't matter, my wish for her is to love herself and not to feel less for what she may or may not be blessed with. I have always felt shame about my body. I think it started with teasing at school, changing in the locker room for gym., it was difficult. I have blemished skin. So in being comfortable within my own body, even when naked, then Ihope I can share that with my daughter.

I hope this makes sense. I rambled a bit, but I was trying to be clear about a something I feel deeply about.

Peace,
Beth


----------



## calngavinsmom (Feb 19, 2003)

Hi there I voted nudity OK. I also feel that as long as everyone is comfortable it is alright. When growing up I remember showering with my dad and maybe around age five(i remember i was in school) I commented to my friend that "my daddy has three dinkies" Years later I found out what the other "two dinkies" were







:LOL But we always had saunas together up north until about puberty and then I had enough of that. Depends on the comfort level of all involved.
Tara


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by tessamami_
*I always hated having my mom naked around me because she also thought nothing of peeing, pooping, etc.*
ROFL, my mom will still do this. She doesn't mean to poop in front of me, but sometimes I've gone back to her bedroom and she is walking around naked, or is sitting on the toilet and I go in and talk to her. :LOL


----------



## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

I agree that you need to respect the feelings of the child. I just wanted to make my point that they shouldn't ever feel that way, and that those feelings are a reflection on society's ills. KWIM?
L


----------



## LunaMom (Aug 8, 2002)

Gotcha! And i agree with you, although it may have been hard to tell from my last post, sorry!


----------



## lunar forest (Feb 20, 2003)

I voted that nudity is fine. I think that it is not only fine, but vital. In this socitiy the only time people see nudity is in a sexual way. I don't want my children to think of their nakid bodies as merely sexual. How healthy is that?

Dh and I are border line nudist







We really are nakid a lot. We're living with other people right now, so it's limited to one bedroom and bathroom.







Ds is only 17 months, so we'll see how it goes. I agree that children come to an age where they become more modest, and that the parents needs to respect their child's feelings about this, but you don't want that modesty turned into embaressment.


----------



## kel (Nov 20, 2001)

I also agree with the - whatever feels right for everyone answer. I was definitely still showering with my son up to age 4 1/2 at least, and at age 7 1/2 he still takes baths with his 3 yr. old sister and 2 yr. old brother. He also still runs around the house naked in the morning with no thought about it, in front of all of us and his dad. I usually tell him to put some boxers on at this age, but mostly because we live on a busy street in the city (big windows), and I don't really want bare butts on the dining room chairs, etc, either!







:


----------



## levar (Jan 28, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Arduinna_
*Rather than an arbitrary age, I think that the childs needs should decide. Kids become "body aware" or modest at different ages, let their needs guide.*
Ditto!!







That said, when my son was about 2 he got VERY upset in the tub or when ever he saw me naked because I was "missing" my penis. I stopped naked around him for a while. Now at 3 it isnt an issue anymore since he understands that his girl cousin and I are girls and that his daddy and he are boys etc.


----------

