# Dear High School Babysitter



## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Dear High School Babysitter,

When I hire you for $9 an hour (which is more than many adults make BTW), I expect a few things besides keeping my kids alive (which I'll admit is my main focus - but a little more would make me painfully happy).

Please don't let the kids call me on my cell phone to see if
*they don't need to take a bath even though I directly told both them AND you that they did before I left
*the three year old can have a second vitamin today
*any other thing that is not important

If they don't get to have cookies for dinner because you make that decision (which is part of what I am paying you for) and it turns out later that they actually do get cookies for dinner, I'll remedy it the next day. Make the tough decisions!

When I ask that they be in bed by nine, and get home to them still awake after ten, do not expect that this thrills me.

When the kids are in bed, PUT SOME THINGS AWAY!!!! I am just blown away that you find it acceptable to sit on my couch watching tv - with dirty dinner dishes all over, toys on the floor, etc. It KILLS me to pay you when I walk in to the house a disaster.

When I babysat back in high school, my mom taught me to:
*watch the kids, play with the kids, take great care of the kids first and foremost!
*AND when they go to bed, pick up all toys. Do the dishes. If the dishwasher is full of clean dishes - imagine this! UNLOAD THEM! Then you can reload the dirty ones!
*I would put the towels and kids' clothes from that day in the washer and start them.
*I was not allowed to watch tv (my mom's rule) until I had done everything I could possibly find to do - whether it was already there before I arrived or not. Put fresh water in the dog bowl. Wipe down the kitchen counters. Straighten the stuff on the coffee table. Fold clean laundry.

Thank you.


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## Meg Murry. (Sep 3, 2006)

I think it's obvious that what you need to do is sit down with the babysitter BEFORE you hire her and clarify, in writing, what you're paying her for and what your reasonable expectations are. Frankly, although I sympathize with you about the unnecessary calling -- because I agree that your expectations about (for example) the bath _were_ spelled out in advance -- I wouldn't expect the babysitter to do your dishes for you too unless that duty had been agreed upon in advance by both of you.


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## Rosedotcom (Apr 22, 2003)

I don't know about filling up the dog's the water bowl or doing laundry but I can see why you were annoyed. I think it's very important to clean up after yourself & the kids. Following instructions seems like a given.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

My dim recollections of baby-sitting are that kids often would NOT go to sleep for me, and my even dimmer recollections of being baby-sat are that I would do everything within my power to keep awake until my parents got home safely. So I'm not sure I'd assume she didn't make a serious effort with bedtime.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

I agree about the incessant calling...but when I was babysitting as a teen, the only dishes I would wash were the ones I personally had dirtied, and I'd probably do the kids' dishes, too, just because I was there. I would never unload someone else's dishwasher, because a) I don't know where everything goes, and b) I was taught by my mom that it's rude to open other people's cabinets.

I would generally tidy any mess made during the babysitting gig, but certainly not anything that was messy before I got there.

I'd actually be pretty peeved if a babysitter took it upon him/herself to clean my house, do my laundry, etc., while babysitting. I could understand it, maybe, if the sitter got bored, but we have a Wii, PS2, Xbox, GameCube, and 2 pretty impressive gaming computers, not to mention 400+ DVDs...there's no reason any teenager should get bored enough to clean someone else's mess.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Dunno, we LOVE our sitter and I suppose our attitude is we're just grateful to go away and not have to worry for a few hours. I really don't care what they do and how or when. They beg to have her come over and a few dirty dishes etc aren't an issue. If I didn't trust her, I wouldn't have her come over so I suppose I figure I have to go w/that.

Maybe find a new sitter who meets your expectations?


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## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
I agree about the incessant calling...but when I was babysitting as a teen, the only dishes I would wash were the ones I personally had dirtied, and I'd probably do the kids' dishes, too, just because I was there. I would never unload someone else's dishwasher, because a) I don't know where everything goes, and b) I was taught by my mom that it's rude to open other people's cabinets.

I would generally tidy any mess made during the babysitting gig, but certainly not anything that was messy before I got there.

I'd actually be pretty peeved if a babysitter took it upon him/herself to clean my house, do my laundry, etc., while babysitting. I could understand it, maybe, if the sitter got bored, but we have a Wii, PS2, Xbox, GameCube, and 2 pretty impressive gaming computers, not to mention 400+ DVDs...there's no reason any teenager should get bored enough to clean someone else's mess.

This.


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## soygurl (Jan 28, 2006)

As a former teen babysitter (when I was 13-14), I really don't think your expectations are too much. Well, maybe unloading the dishwasher, because it's hard to do that when you don't know where everything goes, but defiantly making the 'tough decisions,' getting the kids to bed (or at the very least IN bed), and tiding up the toys and after dinner.
If I were you I'd have a little sit down with the babysitter. At least give her a clear idea of what you're expecting! If you do that and she still doesn't get things done, find someone else! But I'm guessing she's just a little clueless and doesn't even think about what you'd like her to do.


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

Honestly, as a babysitter as a teen, it never even would have occured to me that I should do any dishes or cleaning up. You should talk to her.

Be forewarned that some teens have no clue how to do dishes or clean up, you may end up re-doing it anyway.

I wouldn't want some kid all up in my dishwasher and cabinets, or trying to do my laundry. Their job would be to take care of the kids, that's it. But then again, that's why I don't hire babysitters, I don't even trust them with my stuff, let alone my kids, but I guess that's a whole nother thread.


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

We tried out a babysitter who was recommended by her teacher. She took the "sit" part WAY too literally! I mean, she seriously seemed to think as long as the kids were alive she was doing her job. She just let the baby cry (I was home as it was a trial run so I took him after a couple minutes.) She wouldn't get a game down from the shelf for DD. I normally don't expect any housework beyond cleaning up what toys you get out while there (if possible- I know sometimes it's one crisis to the next and you don't get a chance to clean up as you go) but I DO expect some level of actual involvement with the children. If all I wanted was to keep the kids out of physical danger for a while I would simply invest in a playpen. When I told her she didn't need to come back she was genuinely surprised that I thought she hadn't done a good job. Um, hello, texting your friends while the baby cries????

Here's to you and me finding really good babysitters!

Jen


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I babysat for 3 boys when I was a teen, and I was an awesome babysitter -- I was 100% focused on them, playing with them, etc. the entire time I was over there. But it never occurred to me to clean up after myself or them -- I literally didn't see the mess we made.

One day the mom very kindly asked me to please wash any dishes we used and put away any toys we used before she came home, and from then on I did just that. It was totally no big deal -- I just needed to be informed about the situation because I wasn't a mind-reader and, well, I was a teenager! Teenagers don't see messes -- they really don't!

You mentioned that your mom taught you about all the housekeeping things you should do while babysitting -- maybe her mom hasn't done that. Don't hold it against her, just educate and inform her -- that's probably all she needs. (However, I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to do laundry, unload the dishwasher, etc. -- she's not a live-in nanny/housekeeper. I would only ask her to clean up stuff that she and the kids use while she's there.)


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

I have poignant memories of babysitting for a particular family where the boy (age 8 or 9) chased me around with a knife, and the 18 mo. baby WOULD. NOT. STOP. CRYING!

Babysitting is harder than it looks.


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
Please don't let the kids call me on my cell phone to see if
*they don't need to take a bath even though I directly told both them AND you that they did before I left
*the three year old can have a second vitamin today
*any other thing that is not important

This would drive me to get a new babysitter.

Quote:

When I ask that they be in bed by nine, and get home to them still awake after ten, do not expect that this thrills me.
To be fair, this is not always an easy task. Have you asked her why the kids are not in bed? Does she explain that she tried but that they will not go?

Quote:

When the kids are in bed, PUT SOME THINGS AWAY!!!! I am just blown away that you find it acceptable to sit on my couch watching tv - with dirty dinner dishes all over, toys on the floor, etc. It KILLS me to pay you when I walk in to the house a disaster.
OK I understand that perhaps she should arrange the toys a bit but not sure about the rest. If you are hiring someone for _babysitting_, then their job is _babysitting_. If you want a cleaner, then you should tell the person that she is a babysitter _AND a cleaner_. The two jobs are not the same (especially if the dishes are in part from the rest of the day and not just the dishes that the kids dirtied while the babysitter was with them).

I remember getting hired as a "babysitter" and then the mom asking me to do the laundry and being royally p*ssed off about misleading me about job title. A babysitter babysits. A cleaner cleans.

Quote:

When I babysat back in high school, my mom taught me to:
*watch the kids, play with the kids, take great care of the kids first and foremost!
*AND when they go to bed, pick up all toys. Do the dishes. If the dishwasher is full of clean dishes - imagine this! UNLOAD THEM! Then you can reload the dirty ones!
*I would put the towels and kids' clothes from that day in the washer and start them.
*I was not allowed to watch tv (my mom's rule) until I had done everything I could possibly find to do - whether it was already there before I arrived or not. Put fresh water in the dog bowl. Wipe down the kitchen counters. Straighten the stuff on the coffee table. Fold clean laundry.
Again, there is another perspective. It is not obvious to me that a babysitter's job description includes cleaning (even if the kids are asleep). A secretary cannot be asked to get coffee for her boss as part of her job (at least where I come from, she can't!). A nurse is supposed to be a nurse, not a cleaner or an orderly.

When we hire a high school babysitter, we don't expect her to clean, and we pay about 6 or 7 euro per hour. When we hire an older babysitter who is a nanny and cleaner for a living, we ask her to clean when DD is asleep, and we pay 10 or 11 euro an hour. We say "Are you available to clean and to look after DD on Saturday evening?" for example.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I don't expect babysitters to do anything except play with my children and keep them safe. I pay $7/hour if I'm there, $12-14 if I'm not. If my kids want to call me it's okay by me. But with the sitters I get, they're so happy playing they don't want to call me.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I think that asking her to unload your dishes and put them away is a bit much, as is doing your laundry. She may not know where everything goes as far as the dishes go and I would not want someone doing my laundry. I think that putting the dirty clothes in the hamper is not too much, though.

I agree that dishes should be put into the sink and the counters and table wiped and any crumbs swept up. I also agree that toys should be picked up, but surely your children can help with that if they are old enough to get the toys out. And some basic tidying up won't kill her either.

I say talk to her. Let her know nicely that she cannot call unless it is a real emergency. She was probably worried that she would do something to make you upset and that is why she called. Spell it out for her.


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## talk de jour (Apr 21, 2005)

Yeah, it is so not the babysitter's job to do your dishes and laundry.

Put toys and dishes that were actually used in the sink/box? Sure. But not... folding your laundry and unloading your dishwasher. Just no.

And geez, I don't really see what the big deal is that she's asking questions, either. Better safe than sorry...


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

Calling you incessently was a bit much (we go by the B rule...No blood? No broken bones? Breathing? Then it's not an emergency!)

The bedtime, I'd be a little lax about that as has been stated before...I remember doing everything in my power with my babysitters. Heck, my kids have tried everything in their power with ME and didn't always get there on time.

As for cleaning...putting the dirty dishes into the sink and dirty clothes in the hamper, yes...beyond that and you should hire a housekeeper. Just my 2 cents.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Maybe your kids just mised you? I know when I was babysat, and when I was the babysitter this happened. Of course that was in the time when cell phones were not so commen, but if I knew my mom was at work, I'd want to call her there. And I think all of those reasons are legitimate. My dd takes gummy vitamins, and will often con her Nana into getting an extra one.







Which is fine, but I'd much rather be called and asked first. And the bath thing, eh, kids can skip a bath. Especially if they are having fun. Same with going to bed on time. You go home an hour later, that's not too bad. It's not like it was 2am or something. DD wouldn't go to bed with anyone else, that's for sure. And for the clean up, I would expect that they toys be put away, by the KIDS, not the sitter. I certainly wouldn't be mad at the sitter if MY children had left everything out. At the end of the day around here, dd knows (and she's 2 yo) that we put things away. I help of course, but she puts her things away. Maybe have a talk with your kids about being responsible even with the sitter? And I wouldn't expect her to do dishes, laundry or dog duty unless that's what I hired (and paid)her for.
I agree that the most important thing with a sitter is keeping the kids safe. And close to that is having FUN!!! Sitters are like substitue teachers, just really there to have a fun 'off' day. As long as the kids like her and are having fun, I'd say you have a great sitter for $9 an hour!!!


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

I thought that was a rather condescending and passive-aggressive letter. It sounds like you are not happy with paying $9/hr and are taking it out on her by demanding that she be a cleaner as well. If she doesn't have a problem with cleaning, that's fine but you have to talk to her about it. She's not a mind reader and she's never been in charge of a household before. Ease up a bit and remember what it was like to be that age. Communication is the key here.


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

I was taught to clean/straighten the house as well, so I always did. Hence, my name and number got passed around a LOT because the moms I sat for LOVED it.









It didn't even occur to me, but the sitters we have now, we pay them $15 and $20 an hour (specialty autism trained sitters), and I have never even thought about them cleaning or straightening up. My primary focus has always been that ds was happy and okay. They don't do bedtime routine, because ds won't go to sleep for anyone but me or dh, so that's never an issue. If we ever do reach the point that ds is able to go to bed for someone other than us, I would not hold it against the sitter if he was still up when we got home, as I know he can be a challenge. I guess I might think differently if our situation was different, I don't know.


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## fishface (Jan 6, 2007)

It's understandable that you expect the babysitter to pick up after herself and the kids while she's there. You cannot expect a babysitter to know that you want her to everyone else's dishes from the day, the kids' laundry, whatever clean laundry needs folding, or fill the dog's water dish. Maybe you should leave some bills on the table. I'm sure she'll get the hint and pay and mail them while you're going. Maybe leave the cleaning supplies out. Maybe she'll mop the floor.

She doesn't know she's getting $9/hour to basically be you. She probably thinks you're either really nice or really naive for paying her that much. You need to discuss what you want from your babysitter BEFORE you hire her. When I was in high school I would have been PISSED if the parents expected me to clean beyond the messes we had made, like general cleaning/dishwashing/laundry, especially if they never communicated that to me and instead got huffy and complained to the internet about me after NOT talking to me about it. This is a BABYSITTER, not a nanny or au pair. How old is she, 16 or 17? She's going to feel weird and isn't going to know where things go in the kitchen. She won't want to touch your family's clothes to fold them. She might feel weird and unsure operating your washer/dryer. Hey, she may even ruin a load of clothes. I know I would feel REALLY BAD nosing around in someone's cupboards trying to figure out where stuff goes.

Get off her back about that stuff. The calling you thing, that's understandable to be annoyed by that. I bet you haven't spoken to her about it and that's why you're venting to MDC. SPEAK TO HER ABOUT IT. She's not a mind reader. She's a kid. You're the MOM, the adult, the employer.

If all else fails, find a new babysitter.


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

Wow, I would be quite irritated to find her sitting and watching TV if there were dirty dinner dishes and toys strewn everywhere. I would never expect her to do the laundry/dishwasher/feed the dog thing, but definitely I expect my girls to clean up after themselves and the kids. Thankfully, I've not run into anyone that doesn't get that.

Of course, one of our favorite "friends" (Henry's term for his babysitters) completely reorganized my pantry and freezer (with my permission) and threw out and cleaned everything that needed it. No extra pay, she's just like that. And no, I won't share her.


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## EricaLeigh (Apr 25, 2005)

We a teenaged girl $10/hour to babysit. I don't expect her to clean or do the dishes. When we get home the dishes are usually in the sink or on the counter near the sink & toys are pretty picked up but not entirly. I'm fine with that. She is there to watch the kids, if I expeca anything more than that I don't assume she will do it, withour being asked. I remember one of my regular babysitting jobs. I was asked to do dishes. I was cool with it, but did feel a little bad that it didn't occur to me to do them without being asked. The excessive calling & not putting hte kids down when asked needs to be discussed. Is it that they are giving her a hard time, or is it just how she is?


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

I wouldn't want someone to wash my kids' clothes for sure - what if she doesn't know how? What if they turn all the whites pink? Some teenagers really don't know how to turn the machine on or seperate colors or anything.

Nor unload the dishes, they don't know where anything goes and I HATE having to look around for the chef knife, then the cutting board, then where's the measuring cup, now where did she put the serving spoon, etc.


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## happymamajenni (Jun 2, 2004)

I was so underpaid when I babysat. I watched a family with four kids when I was 12 (17 years ago). When the youngest came into the picture I started watching her when she was two weeks old. I would NEVER let a 12 year old stay alone for hours with a newborn, but apparently I was dependable because I sat for multiple families. Back then, for some reason, the going rate was about $2 no matter how many kids were in the family.
Even when I was 19 and still babysitting (even full-time) I was still only getting $2 an hour for the first child and $1 per child after that. It was really hard to get parents to pay me more after having another child. The one home I worked in full-time I did cleaning, straightening, organizing, and lots of extras every day even though the mother didn't expect it. I even made dinner for them a couple times that was ready when they got home.
I later decided that I would mention the housework from the getgo and hopefully get extra. I worked in one home about 45 hours a week for three kids, and got $200 a week, no matter if the family went on vacation or took a sick day. I cleaned the entire house thoroughly once a week and made sure the toys were picked up, and kitchen was cleaned up every day.
At the same time my aunt starting working as a nanny/housekeeper for a rich family with three kids and made $450 a week, plus a $500 bonus for christmas.
I do know that it's hard to get kids in bed on time if:

#1 The parents don't discipline them much because they won't listen to the sitter either

#2 If you are new and the kids don't know you well

#3 You don't think ahead and plan extra time for the bed time routine.

As for that I think you should give your sitter a head's up about what your kid's routine is and how long it takes you to get them in bed, and how you handle the kids stalling.
I also agree that you should make sure you make a list of what you expect done. If the sitter doesn't comply you should let her know that your pay rate is going down unless she does.


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

as a teenage sitter (and now as an adult sitter, lol), i would never expect to clean the house, do laundry all that stuff, but the dirty dishes were at least put in the sink, if not washed by hand, dirty clothes were in the hamper if i could find one, if not, i would lay them on the dresser or something, and toys were picked up. if it was one of those crazy times where toys didnt get picked up, i always did (and do) pick them up after the parents got home


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

I would much rather come home to a messy house with evidence that the kids played had a good time, and were better fed than yours were, than to a clean house with the kids in bed and wonder if the sitter had any time to interact with my children between the housework she was doing.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

My daughter babysits now, for between $5 and $10 an hour ($5 for my single mom friend's one sweet 9 year old, $10 for 3 kids from 2 families). Usually she cleans up any toys that they got out, and washes any dishes they used. When she watches 9 year old his friend from next door often comes over (she watches him when the kids have no school mostly, because his mom generally still has classes and work), so she gets everything spotless and reads or knits for a good bit of the time, because the boys are happy together, and they mostly just need her to fix snacks and take them to the playground and be there in case they need anything.

On the other hand, with the 3 kids from 2 families, getting them to bed was really tough and took over an hour (including such moments as the 3 year old who was spending the night but didn't live there announcing that she was hungry and wanted "something she'd never eaten before," which Rain managed to provide) and after they finally were all asleep, I think Rain put the dishes in the sink and flopped down on the sofa and watched tv and swore she would never have children.







Not really... she likes all of the kids still, but that was a rough night.

I do think the calling was too much, but then some parents want to be called, so really it comes down to communication with your sitter. Let her know your expectations.

Dar


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
I thought that was a rather condescending and passive-aggressive letter. It sounds like you are not happy with paying $9/hr and are taking it out on her by demanding that she be a cleaner as well. If she doesn't have a problem with cleaning, that's fine but you have to talk to her about it. She's not a mind reader and she's never been in charge of a household before. Ease up a bit and remember what it was like to be that age. Communication is the key here.

I took the letter as intending to be a rant and not so much a letter a person would actually send. So, condescending and passive-aggressive fit right in with a rant.

I agree she shouldn't have to do any housework other than cleaning up after whatever she fed the children, and putting their clothes in the hamper when she changes them for bed, and putting away what they played with.

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To whomever said she was chased around with a knife.....

I babysat a boy who was a pyromaniac. Their previous home had been destroyed in a fire he caused. The whole time I was there, he ran around grabbing things that could light a fire (matches, lighters) and I was constantly chasing him and taking them away. He knew where they all were kept. And why does a family need to keep so many matches and lighters in so many different places in the house!?!?!?

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While I wouldn't expect a baby sitter to feed/water my pet as a routine thing, if for some reason I had neglected it, and my cat was standing by her empty water bowl meowing, I would hope the baby sitter wouldn't ignore it.

Also, if the pet seemed to be in crisis (ie. suddenly injured or sick) I would hope the baby sitter would call me, even though the pet is technically not who she is watching.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

It sounds like the kids were really testing her and she was having a hard time, and perhaps thought she would get support from you if they could talk to you on the phone. I remember testing the heck out of our sitters. It can be really hard when you are so young to find the place between being friendly and playful and being firm. Especially if you have never had kids of your own.

Or it could be that they were nervous with a new sitter and just needed to hear your voice - and that's why they kept coming up with excuses to call? How long has she been sitting for them?

Heh I know alot of parents that have an impossible time getting kids to bed on time. I don't think I would blame the sitter just yet until I better understood how the dynamics were.

Honestly... I wouldn't be angry with the sitter just yet. I wouldn't expect her to know these things. Every parent is different. If our DD wanted to call me at any time for any reason, I would hope the sitter would let her. I hope the sitter would NEVER tell my child they could not call me.

As for the dishes, I would much rather the sitter be playing with the kids than cleaning. I would be mighty suspicious if I came home and the house was TOO clean.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Last night my sitter did nothing. but in her defense the house was a disaster when she got here. I didn't exactly leave her much to work with







poor girl. what ticked me off though is that the girls were still awake. at 10:30 (and my children go to bed well.) But i made the mistake of saying they could stay up a little later if she was having fun with them. i should have specified 30-60 minutes later. not an two and a half hours.

however when the house is decent I do expect more. I want it in the same condition I left it. supper dishes done, counters wiped off. toys put away. laundry in a hamper and kids rooms cleaned (this is part of the bedtime routine). I don't require any extra cleaning but I do pay very well should it happen. I spell out my expectations clearly. once all that is done (and it shouldn't take long) they are free to watch tv or talk on their cell phones or surf the net or whatever. That said I pay them considerably less than you. if I were paying $9 an hour I would expect all the dishes to be done floors to be swept and everything tidy. I would make sure she had something to do the whole time she was there.

when the kids were younger .. babies . . I just expected clean dry babies with diapers in the pail. everything else was bonus. and I expected her not to give my older children crap to eat but I always had them fed supper with their snacks laid out.

I feel your frustration (I tell you the calling over piddly things that she knew the answer too would have sent me over the edge) . I would just make it really clear next time what you expected and then if she didn't follow through I would either consider finding a new sitter or adjusting her pay to reflect the work she actually does.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I have trouble getting my dishes done, floors swept, counters wiped, etc. while dealing with dd and ds2. I wouldn't expect a teenager to be able to do it. I'd also be _very_ impressed if he/she could get them to bed at a reasonable time. DD won't let anyone put her to bed, except me. Of course, I probably wouldn't come home to them still awake...I'd come home to them crashed on the floor. I don't think it's at all unreasonable for them to clean up the mess made while they were babysitting...but even that's not always going to be possible with the kids bouncing off the walls.

I'd _hate_ to have a sitter do my laundry or unload my dishwasher. Half the time, ds1 still puts some things in the wrong place, and he lives here! It makes me nuts when I don't know where things are.

I can't really say what's reasonable, though...I've never had to pay a babysitter the "going rate" (we get ds1 to babysit, and he gets $5.00/hour for both kids), and really don't know what it is. $9.00 sounds like a lot, but I have no basis for comparison.


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## snuggly mama (Mar 29, 2004)

With some exceptions, most teenagers think babysitting really means "keep the kids alive and relatively in one piece until parents get back home". Babysitting can be hard work, remember, if you haven't had to worry about keeping young children happy, understanding what they want, coping with tantrums/acting out/crying for mom, and figuring out what to feed them before. It can also take a whole lot longer for a teenager to figure out what a child needs for, say, bathtime, than an experienced parent or adult to realize, yeah, I need a washcloth, baby soap, some towels . .. you get the idea.

If you have expectations that she will clean the house, that's fine, but you need to tell her that in advance. Especially if you don't know the clean standards at her own house, or what she has for expectations of the job. One of my families that I babsat for asked me to come every Sat. and do the ironing -- and believe me, they had a ton! Of course, I was paid extra to do that, and I was happy to earn the money.

The calling thing is annoying, but I also think it's partly that teens are really, really used to using the cell phone for every quick little thing. Just let her know that you trust her to make good decisions and that you really only need to know if there's an emergency/urgent situation.


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## Racecar (May 19, 2005)

I was an amazingly popular babysitter in high school and I seriously don't remember doing any extra cleaning (though I do think we picked up any messes made during our playtime together). As for the kids staying up past bedtime, I used to make "deals" with the kids that they would be able to stay up extra-late as long as they "played the game" and would rush under the covers when the parents' headlights would shine through the window. I'm SURE the parents knew what was going on and I hear







that my sitting parents LOVED it because they got to stay out late on their dates AND have their kids sleep late for them the next day!

I think (even for 9 dollars an hour) that the primary focus of a babysitter (who was hired as a strictly babysitter/not a housecleaner) is to keep the kids safe and happy. The phoning thing would bother me (since I am paying for my outing to be free-from-child-obligation unless there is an emergency) but if my kids were being entertained and tuckered out by a sitter, I'd consider that money well spent!


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I expect a sitter to play with the kids and help the kids clean up anything that happens while I'm gone. I don't expect her to do anything else. IF it's a hard day and the kids are unco-operative I don't expect her to even clean up after them. I don't expect her to do the dishes, but make sure they are scraped and placed in the sink. Part of taking care of the kids is keeping them safe and healthy...and that includes not leaving food sit out to get old. So basically it's get the food put away, dishes into the sink, and toys picked up, that's all!! And I'm totally cool with her getting the kids to do those things themselves.

-Heather


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## Rivka5 (Jul 13, 2005)

Parents have such differing expectations about these things that I think it's really important to spell them out in advance.

My expectations about babysitters and housework:

- Toys and books gotten out while babysitting should be put away. General straightening of the toy area after the child goes to sleep is greatly appreciated, but isn't a make-or-break issue.

- Dishes used by the babysitter and/or child should be washed or put in the dishwasher. I don't want to come home and find that every sippy cup in the house is dirty and I'll need to do a sinkful of hand-washing before we can have dinner.

- The child's dirty laundry should be dropped into the washer. (It's right there next to the kitchen.)

- Any messes that occur during babysitting - spills, painting supplies, etc. - should be cleaned up.

I _absolutely_ don't want a babysitter cleaning up after _me_. That would feel too intrusive.


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## sunflwrmoonbeam (Oct 9, 2006)

I babysat/nannied two kids age 12 and 9 last summer (last year of college) and was told I'd be expected to do "light cleaning." My definition of light cleaning was picking up the mess we made, doing some dishes, occasionally doing laundry. However, the mother's definition of cleaning meant I did their laundry EVERY. DAY. and one or two loads of dishes. Nothing is worse than folding your boss' skidmarked ****** tightys.

I'd come in at 8 in the morning and she'd have a list of chores for each of us to do. That, and the fact that she treated me like a servant really pissed me off. Because of that experience I will not be nannying again. I don't want to deal with other peoples' unreasonable expectations.

I'd say talk to the babysitter, but it is ridiculous to expect her to do your regular chores. Cleaning up the messes made during her stay is good. And I too was taught that it's rude to go through others' cabinets.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

As a teenage sitter, I never did any of the extra cleaning that you mention. I did straighten up the mess that the kids made, but I didn't unload dishwashers or put water in the dogs bowl or ever do laundry. And I was an extremely popular babysitter.


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## GranoLLLy-girl (Mar 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
I babysat for 3 boys when I was a teen, and I was an awesome babysitter -- I was 100% focused on them, playing with them, etc. the entire time I was over there. But it never occurred to me to clean up after myself or them -- I literally didn't see the mess we made.

One day the mom very kindly asked me to please wash any dishes we used and put away any toys we used before she came home, and from then on I did just that. It was totally no big deal -- I just needed to be informed about the situation because I wasn't a mind-reader and, well, I was a teenager! Teenagers don't see messes -- they really don't!

You mentioned that your mom taught you about all the housekeeping things you should do while babysitting -- maybe her mom hasn't done that. Don't hold it against her, just educate and inform her -- that's probably all she needs. (However, I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to do laundry, unload the dishwasher, etc. -- she's not a live-in nanny/housekeeper. I would only ask her to clean up stuff that she and the kids use while she's there.)

I agree with this. Babysitters are to watch and play with the kids--maybe put a few toys away if they took them out during the time you were away--but fold laundry and put away clean dishes? No way.
Now, if you hired her and paid her that extra amount of money with these expectations in advance and told her how to do them (I agree with the other posters that a lot of teens/sitters wouldn't know how to do these things--there are kids in my neighborhood who have never done a single thing for themselves--but hey, it'll be their culture shock when the move out of their parents' home--helicopter parents are real).
But hey, if OP, if you can find a babysitter who is willing to do all those things--send her my way--I'd gladly pay someone $9 to do all that.
I pay my mother's helper ten dollars an hour and I'm home when she's here--and believe me, she plays with my two kids only and leaves a trail of stuff where ever she and the kids go!


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

When I was a teenager I would try to leave the house in the condition I found it, and I'd wash any dishes I used in fixing meals for the kids, but that was about it, and I was crazy-popular as a babysitter -- probably because I never watched TV or talked on the phone or anything, just played and played with the kids. Nobody ever said anything about cleaning to me one way or the other.

Now, I babysit for a 22-month old, and I bring my daughter along (same age). As long as both girls are awake, the best I can do is wipe up spills! On a really easy day I might have a chance to throw all the toys back in the bin. I make $12 an hour for this; the mom and I are both very happy with this arrangement.

If I were expected to do laundry or dishes, I'd need to make more per hour.

As other posters have said, you really need to clarify your expectations with your sitter, and maybe think about relaxing some of them.


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## izzysmama (Aug 12, 2006)

When I used to babysit as a teen, I found the best situations to be the ones where the mom or dad really just laid out for me what they expected. I mean it was pretty cool at the time, to babysit for the really relaxed parents and just go with the flow, but I remember sitting for a really nice woman who had a complete schedule for me when I got there. I appreciated that, because that's how she was with her kids and the kids felt comfortable and knew what to expect. Also, there were no doubts on either side that she was getting what she was paying for and it felt really fair. She also let me know that she expected the dishes that we used to be washed and the toys to be put away, etc. This was a summer job, so every day she would have something scheduled like :bicycling, blackberry picking, swimming, a cooking project, etc.


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

ok i've rarely used a babysitter and rarely babysat but i think your expectations are a little high.

especially unloading the dishwasher. loading, maybe, IF you went over it with her in advance. really just getting the dirty dishes somewhere near the sink would be enough for me.

i wouldn't want a babysitter doing my laundry either. throwing dirty clothes near the hamper seems enough to me. but then i honestly wouldn't have a siiter give my kids a bath in the first place.

however thats me. if you want your sitter to do all those things you should go over it with her.


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## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

I think you are way underpaying if those are your expectations. The things you listed are more than I often can get done in a day. I'd never even consider having my babysitter give my kids a bath unless it was a rock solid part of their bedtime routine or they were doing something really messy.

Teenage babysitters should, IMO:
do their best to keep kids safe and happy
play with kids
feed kids food that parents have prepared - reheat if necessary, but not cook
try to put kids to sleep if it's bedtime/naptime
straighten up any messes that occur while they are there, if possible

For that, I'd pay $10/hour, more if there's more than 2 kids


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I pay my nanny $15/hr and I don't expect her to do laundry or any clean up other than after her and my son - and if they've had a busy day full of great activities and there's a bit of a mess, so much the better.

BUT I do agree the bath thing and the bedtime thing would have been issues for me. If your babysitter's new though, I'd just talk to her about it.


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## Brilliantmama (Sep 28, 2006)

As a teen babysitter/nanny I was often EXHAUSTED by the 3 very spirited kids I cared for. I always tried to get the house back to looking like it did when I got there, and cleaned after myself.

A couple of times I got a few moment and was ambitious. A couple of the chores I did, later I found out that I did them wrong (used the wrong cleaner, put special pans in the dishwasher, etc.) And the one time I was going to fold laundry, I was creeped out by the dad's 3-4X underwear.

That was when I decided that I worked really HARD to care for the kids, make it fun and keep them safe and happy. THAT was my job, not a maid. If they wanted a maid, they were welcome to hire one as well.

If I got that letter as a babysitter, I would run from that family and complain. That does sound passive aggressive and condescending.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

I would not want a babysitter to be a housekeeper. I would prefer the babysitter use their time focusing on the children.

I think asking the babysitter to do dishes is iffy, but asking them to do laundry is over the top.

Or, just see Mimim's post.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Oh and about the vitamin phone call, can't an overdose of vitamins be fatal? I'd be glad she asked first.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

How can you babysit more than twice before realising that anything a seven year old tells you about their own bedtime and/or chocolate consumption is most likely not true? The number of times I was told "you're mean, we're going to tell on you", I can't tell you. And surprisingly the mother always agreed with me. Funny that.

Like others, I would NEVER touch dirty laundry - far too many variables to muck up. I'd pick up after the kids and wash their dinnner dishes, and that's all.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hellyaellen* 
but then i honestly wouldn't have a sitter give my kids a bath in the first place.

i agree. I would never have my sitter give the girls a bath. I would have ever been comfortable helping bathe a kid when i as a teenager and I hated it when i had to take a bath with a babysitter at the house.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wannabe* 
How can you babysit more than twice before realising that anything a seven year old tells you about their own bedtime and/or chocolate consumption is most likely not true?

When I had sitters for Rain when she was 7, I did tell them they could ask her if they had any questions, and it worked out fine - of course, she has no chocolate restrictions or bedtime. Actually, the only time there was an issue was when she was at the sitter's house (for logistical reasons) and they were watching Monty Python's Meaning of Life, and the sitter's dad told him to turn it off because I wouldn't want my child watching it. Both Rain and the sitter told him I wouldn't mind, but they went along with the dad's decision and watched a different video... and, of course, they were right and the dad was wrong...

dar


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## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

Quote:

I would much rather come home to a messy house with evidence that the kids played had a good time, and were better fed than yours were, than to a clean house with the kids in bed and wonder if the sitter had any time to interact with my children between the housework she was doing.
This. I have two babysitters I like and use - both HS seniors. Babysitter A is crazy about kids, very inventive with playing, and she wears the kids out with zany games (the favorite being "bear hunt" - played sprinting around with flashlights.) The place is kind of trashed (toys and stuff) when we get home, though. Babysitter B is very responsible (oldest daughter of 4, wants to be a pediatrician, formerly homeschooled, now all AP classes in HS -just very focused, bright and calm.) The house is immaculate when I get home....but guess who the kids beg to see every weekend?? (they get bummed if we're NOT going out!!







)

In my situation, though, DD is still nursing so we go out at like 5:30 and are back by bedtime (early bird special - yee haw!!







) I'd rather, especially if the kids are awake, that the babysitter's attention is fully on them.

We pay $10/hr, but it's cut-throat around here for the "good" babysitters - you've got to stay competitive!







:


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## maryeliz (Oct 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 

When I babysat back in high school, my mom taught me to:
*watch the kids, play with the kids, take great care of the kids first and foremost!
*AND when they go to bed, pick up all toys. Do the dishes. If the dishwasher is full of clean dishes - imagine this! UNLOAD THEM! Then you can reload the dirty ones!
*I would put the towels and kids' clothes from that day in the washer and start them.
*I was not allowed to watch tv (my mom's rule) until I had done everything I could possibly find to do - whether it was already there before I arrived or not. Put fresh water in the dog bowl. Wipe down the kitchen counters. Straighten the stuff on the coffee table. Fold clean laundry.

Thank you.

Back in the olden days when I used to babysit, my (admittedly odd) mother told me never to clean up unless specifically asked. Her reasoning was that to clean another person's house unasked is insulting because it implies that that person is a slovenly housekeeper. I used to sneak in a little cleaning, but I always tried not to make it too obvious.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

I can't believe we're on page three and nobody has voiced the kind of sentiment I'm about to. That should be a sign to me to click my way right out of this thread and move on to somewhere safe, but what the hell . . .

When I was a teenaged babysitter, I occasionally showed up drunk, usually invited friends over to continue the party, and eventually perfected my blow job technique . . . all while earning $4 an hour. I thought raiding the refrigerator and talking incessantly on the phone were practically required in my job description. I don't remember much about actually playing with the kids, but I do have a vivid recollection of taking one toddler out for a walk and having the stroller suddenly lock up and revolve uncontrollably in the dead center of an intersection.

In case I'm not making myself clear, I _was_ a teenaged babysitter, and therefore I WILL NEVER USE A TEENAGED BABYSITTER.

We had this conversation in my LLL group recently and I seriously chapped some asses, so I'm sure I've just done the same here. But think about it, if you can't trust these immature people to know how to act, how can you trust them to know how to react if something bad happens?

Yes, there are millions of responsible teens out there for the hiring, and every parent who hired me was sure I was one of them. Oh, did I have them fooled.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

You didn't chap my ass. I am just surpsied.

I was a badass in high school, and so were my friends, and we never did that.

If people are worried, they can get a nanny cam I suppose, but horrific babysitters can be anyone- a teenager, a family member, a licensed child care provider, whatever.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

When i babysat until late into the night i was about 11. I sat for a family who lived in the same apt complex we did. I played with a 5 and 7 year old, gave them a premade dinner, supervised baths (sat in the hall between the two bathrooms and chatted with them), then put the kids to bed.
When they were asleep i would clean up anything we dirtied then read a book.

I would think it was weird to do the other dishes, laundry etc.

When i have someone sit dd i want them to play with her and that is it. I dont want the house trashed but i dont want them to clean. I want dd to have fun.


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

Quote:

I was a teenaged babysitter, and therefore I WILL NEVER USE A TEENAGED BABYSITTER.
Amen sista! Granted, I never knowingly did anything questionable, but looking back I KNOW that my 16 year old judgement skills weren't enough to be taking proper care of 3 young kids from sunrise to sunset all summer long by myself.

Once, I was taking care of 3 girls, ages 10, 6 and 1. The family had a 3 burner stove and we were making pudding. The six year old asked if she could stir, so I plopped her right up on the stove and let her sit on the empty spot. I guess her dress must have gotten down into the adjacent burner, because the next thing we knew, her dress was on fire and I was throwing her in the sink. I burnt my hand a little bit. Luckily, the girl was fine. We hid the dress so the mom wouldn't find out (the girls LOVED me and didn't want me to get in trouble). Obviously, I would know better now than to let a child actually sit on a stove, but at the time I didn't think I was doing anything dangerous at all.


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## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

I babysat and i would clean up after us. It was just commen sense to me, but obviously not to the two babysitters i have now.
If you are going to eat my icecream than either wash out your bowl but don't leave them on the floor so i can kick them across the room when i walk through the livingroom.

I babysat for one lady and not sure where she was going but made a huge mess of her kitchen, i am talking tons of dishes in the sink.
She didn't expect me to do them at all, but once the kids were in bed i thought how nice it would be to come home to a clean kitchen so i cleaned it!
I didn't say anything when i left but as i was walking to my house she came out of her house and yelled to me in the middle of the night "I Love you Shannon" It made me feel good to do these things for the parents.

But maybe because my parents would tell me things that would be helpful as a babysitter. (and that was when you made maybe 2 bucks an hour)


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The Lucky One* 

Luckily, the girl was fine.

Wow, you really are The Lucky One. That could have been really bad.

I'm a 42-year-old babysitter now and I still breathe a sigh of relief every night when one of the parents gets home and nobody has been injured, killed or kidnapped.

PS, I'm a really good babysitter now. Really I am.


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## Black Orchid (Mar 28, 2005)

sheesh. i babysat 15 years ago and made $5/hr for watching 3 kids under 3. has the rate gone up that much?

ftr, my mom did tell me to clean up toys/dishes etc... however i was NOT touching their laundry







i basically cleaned up what we messed leaving the house like it was when i arrived. i have VERY vivid memories of putting the kids to bed and sitting outside their rooms for HOURS begging them to stop playing/crying/talking and to go to sleep.

i also remember this one time (ONE TIME being the key) that i watched a baby... maybe 11-12 mos who would not sleep. she just cried the ENTIRE time. She was heavy, too. And I just carried her around the whole time, several hours. Everytime I would get her to sleep and lay her down she would wake up again. Finally she was just s oexhausted that she fell asleep.

That was towards the end of my babysitting career. It is NOT easy money.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Wow, lots of replies! Just getting back to this.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmlp* 
Again, there is another perspective. It is not obvious to me that a babysitter's job description includes cleaning (even if the kids are asleep). A secretary cannot be asked to get coffee for her boss as part of her job (at least where I come from, she can't!). A nurse is supposed to be a nurse, not a cleaner or an orderly.

I am beginning to understand that my mom taught me to babysit on a whole different level than most people were taught (or actually not taught at all - just sent over). So my expectations come from many years of sitting in high school and college. So to me, it is obvious that you should pick up after the kids are asleep. THEN watch tv!

And in my world, a secretary (which I am - now they call us administrative assistants but same diff) certainly can be asked to get a cup of coffee. I offer; he almost always declines but I don't know why. I am not insulted to bring him a cup of coffee. We're friends too, and he is always very respectful to me. And a nurse most certainly ends up cleaning up a mess here and there I'd imagine. I think you do what needs to be done. If the orderly is busy doing something else, and there is something that needs attention, you do it. Team player and all that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Lilya* 
I took the letter as intending to be a rant and not so much a letter a person would actually send. So, condescending and passive-aggressive fit right in with a rant.

I agree she shouldn't have to do any housework other than cleaning up after whatever she fed the children, and putting their clothes in the hamper when she changes them for bed, and putting away what they played with.

Yes, LL is right; it was a rant - I'm not actually sending it!







And I don't _expect_ that she'd clean up messes that were there before she arrived, or fold laundry either. But 1) you watch/play with the kids, 2) get them to bed as close to on time as you can, 3) clean up the toys and dishes and towels that were used by you and the kids while you've been there, 4) if you are in a charitable mood, do any other obvious things that would make the mom smile when she walked in, and likely up your pay, THEN 5) watch tv or do your homework or whatever.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
It can be really hard when you are so young to find the place between being friendly and playful and being firm. Especially if you have never had kids of your own.

Or it could be that they were nervous with a new sitter and just needed to hear your voice - and that's why they kept coming up with excuses to call? How long has she been sitting for them?

The first part is a good point. I will try to remember that.









They weren't nervous, and she isn't new. They LOVE her. She really is the nicest girl; just no one has taught her (guess it is my job to be clearer about my expectations) the little things that you can do to make the mom smile when she walks in the door. It wouldn't take all that I did as a teenage sitter - but wet towels in the hamper, shoes in the shoe box or at least tossed near it, toys off the floor in the family room and into the bins, dishes in the dishwasher, empty milk carton rinsed out and tossed in the recycling (right outside the garage door, just off the kitchen), clothes in a hamper instead of the living room floor.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momtwice* 
Oh and about the vitamin phone call, can't an overdose of vitamins be fatal? I'd be glad she asked first.

Oh, I agree! I just assume that anyone old enough to get a driver's license should know that you only take one vitamin a day. I knew that when I was five. I guess I should add that to my list of things to mention in my new "clearer babysitter expectations" presentation.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Canadianmommax3* 
I babysat and i would clean up after us. It was just commen sense to me, but obviously not to the two babysitters i have now.
If you are going to eat my icecream than either wash out your bowl but don't leave them on the floor so i can kick them across the room when i walk through the livingroom.

I babysat for one lady and not sure where she was going but made a huge mess of her kitchen, i am talking tons of dishes in the sink.
She didn't expect me to do them at all, but once the kids were in bed i thought how nice it would be to come home to a clean kitchen so i cleaned it!
I didn't say anything when i left but as i was walking to my house she came out of her house and yelled to me in the middle of the night "I Love you Shannon" It made me feel good to do these things for the parents.

But maybe because my parents would tell me things that would be helpful as a babysitter. (and that was when you made maybe 2 bucks an hour)









EXACTLY!!!!!! I remember making one or two bucks an hour, and doing all the things I mentioned in the original post. My mom had three kids, and she taught me what she'd want - do what is expected, and then if there is time do the "above and beyond" stuff. No, I don't want someone washing my delicates, but tossing a load of towels in and starting the washer seems pretty safe. Necessary - no, of course not.

I have had babysitters from age 13 to 22. The 13 year old actually did a better job than the older girls. I was amazed at how much she got done. More than I could have I think!

The OP was a rant after I got home to find her watching tv - in a messy family room. The kids were in bed (the time they were up late was a different night) so I'd have liked her to put the dinner dishes that she and the kids used in the sink if not the dishwasher, and put the toys away, fold the blanket, shoes in a pile at least. I absolutely think my kids should help out - I often remind them (loud enough for the babysitter to hear) to do a "ten second tidy" (anyone remember Loonette and the Big Comfy Couch show?) A couple of my sitters are good but most of them don't do a thing besides watch the kids. Which, again, is my primary goal. I just also think they can take care of picking up some toys and dishes.

And as long as nothing gets broken, I'm fine with looking in a drawer or two to find the spatula. Really, how far could it go?







I love me a babysitter who unloads and reloads the dishwasher!


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## Delta (Oct 22, 2002)

I pay my sitter 12 bucks an hour to hang with my 3 year old, and occasionally with my 8 month old. I can't imagine asking her or expecting her to do any cleaning. I don't even care if they don't put toys away when she leaves. Dishes? Laundry? No way. That's what I'd hire a cleaning person is for. I hire her to watch my kid, not take care of the house.








:


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 

EXACTLY!!!!!! I remember making one or two bucks an hour, and doing all the things I mentioned in the original post. My mom had three kids, and she taught me what she'd want - do what is expected, and then if there is time do the "above and beyond" stuff. No, I don't want someone washing my delicates, but tossing a load of towels in and starting the washer seems pretty safe. Necessary - no, of course not.

First off, it would not make me happy at all if a sitter washed the towels. We use our towels far more than once before washing. Saving water is a priority in our house and we typically only do 1-2 loads of laundry a week. I do not write this to scold towel washers but to illlustrate how easy it would be for a sitter to be clueless about how different houses operate. I am guessing that when dd is on sitting age, she would never even think of washing towels since we just reuse our towels for about 2 weeks.

I did some babysitting in my time. While I agree that tidying toys, putting dishes in the sink, and at least piling sirty clothing in a neat mound is part of the job, nothing else is.

We have sitters frequently. Some have washed the dishes they used while I was gone. Every one has tidied toys and put dd's clothes in a neatly stacked pile on the end of her bed. I would not be thrilled with the dishes still on the table and toys everywhere....but that is like a 5 minute clean-up tops. If that is what it takes to have a decent sitter, I would not think twice. However, I would most definately stop hiring a sitter that insisted (after being told not to) on washing laundry, unloading dishwashers, or reorganizing my pantry. I am WAY to anal to have anyone else doing that stuff.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

If my sitter did all that you expect of her, I'd wonder if the kiddo got any attention at all.









(And my sitter is my mother who lives with us.)


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Not to be snarky, but I'm glad both views are represented here now. The OP sitter situation sounds like a Nanny one according to my friends who work f/t. My occasional sitter; ie. a few weeks/week, doesn't have time for those chores. She's hanging w/the kids teaching them neat new games and tricks and earning their everlasting adoration.


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## MamaHippo (Dec 4, 2004)

When I babysat in junior high and high school, I always cleaned up the kitchen and wherever the kids had been playing. My momt aught me that was just something you did. I'd even get out the 409 and clean the counters, stove, etc. One family i babysat for regularly used to tell me they paid me more than my 'asking rate' because I always cleaned up without being asked to. And the kids were almost always in bed within a half hour of their bedtime.
$9 an hour?!?!? I got $3 an hour per child. And this was back in the 90's!


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I wouldn't expect any cleaning other than picking up toys and doing dishes that the sitter/kids dirtied while you were away, unless you talked about cleaning beforehand.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

All the teen babysitters I've known (both as one and those I've hired) have spent the time after the kids have gone to bed doing homework. We were all taking Honors/AP classes (or college classes in the summer). I would never expect a sitter to do our laundry.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

i guess i'm really an old timer b/c i can remember one babysitting job that paid only 50 cents an hour. ouch. but that was the cheapest one ever. i don't remember how much i ususally got. i do remember that i was hired when i was awfully young. like young middle school (6th grade). no way would i hire a 6th grader for my baby. but i was a very responsible kid.

i don't remember clean up ever being any kind of an issue. most likely i picked up after the toys, put the plates in the sink, etc. if something spilled, i cleaned it up. but it was never like a big frantic thing to do more and more housework. i wonder if some parents today are just more frazzled in general, to wish for this kind of help from teenage babysitters. for whatever reasons.

FWIW, my husband has offered to get me a once a week housekeeper to come in for like $25 an hour and clean. so far i've not taken him up on it. i guess i feel like i should be able to keep up with just one child and i'm staying home. but if i had more kids and the household situation got harrier, i think i might do it, just to get some cleaning chores out of the way.

as for babysitters, my DD is only 1 year old, and i have no reason for leaving her. my mom has babysat, but no one else. if in the future i used a babysitter, i would be way more concerned for my child than for any housework. housework will always always be there. it's just one of those things that as soon as it's "done," there's more. (just like going to work-- there will always be more work...) children, their safety and the quality of their lives, is much more important and cannot be replaced. my child's well being will always be priority number 1, to the exclusion of any other tasks a babysitter could potentially do for me.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

ElliesMomma said:


> i guess i'm really an old timer b/c i can remember one babysitting job that paid only 50 cents an hour. ouch. but that was the cheapest one ever. i don't remember how much i ususally got. i do remember that i was hired when i was awfully young. like young middle school (6th grade). no way would i hire a 6th grader for my baby. but i was a very responsible kid.
> QUOTE]
> 
> I think we expect a lot less of adolescents today. Also, we are much more worried now.
> ...


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

This is a bit OT but my husband and I were talking about this thread and we were saying how much things have changed for teens. In our neighbourhood in Toronto it's hard to FIND any teens who will babysit.

There are lots of reasons, but a big one is that we don't have friends with teenage kids and most parents will not allow their teens to go babysit for people they don't know well. I imagine I will feel the same, but it is sad and has changed the 'rules' so to speak a fair amount - it's one reason that babysitting fees are now so much more than minimum wage when they used to be the same or less.

I don't know what I think about the comments about teens. I babysat a lot as a teen (I did clean up too, but it was never expected) and I was very responsible and yet, there were situations I didn't know how to handle. I also fended off the odd drunk father. I'm very glad I did though: one of the families I sat for was the one that gave me the idea that a different approach (AP, although they didn't call it that then) could work.

Anyways just some musing. Hope I didn't get too far off track.


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## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

Quote:

When I was a teenaged babysitter, I occasionally showed up drunk, usually invited friends over to continue the party, and eventually perfected my blow job technique . . . all while earning $4 an hour. I thought raiding the refrigerator and talking incessantly on the phone were practically required in my job description. I don't remember much about actually playing with the kids, but I do have a vivid recollection of taking one toddler out for a walk and having the stroller suddenly lock up and revolve uncontrollably in the dead center of an intersection.

In case I'm not making myself clear, I was a teenaged babysitter, and therefore I WILL NEVER USE A TEENAGED BABYSITTER.

We had this conversation in my LLL group recently and I seriously chapped some asses, so I'm sure I've just done the same here. But think about it, if you can't trust these immature people to know how to act, how can you trust them to know how to react if something bad happens?

Yes, there are millions of responsible teens out there for the hiring, and every parent who hired me was sure I was one of them. Oh, did I have them fooled.
That's a pretty broad brush to paint a whole demographic with...







Your experiences as a teen may be different from others.. If it's your personal comfort level, I get that, but it's not fair to say all teens are irresponsible like that.

Also, didn't the kids you babysit for ever talk? I get a pretty full report from my almost 4 year old when we get home. Heck, even my 2 year old (very verbal) will recap most of the night for us...


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *a-sorta-fairytale* 
I think we expect a lot less of adolescents today. Also, we are much more worried now.
When i was in 7th grade a mom picked me up from school and then took me to her house twice a week. I babysat her 1 year old for 3 hours ALONE.

Hmm. Last month, my daughter (8th grade if she were in school) was babysitting a 10 week old baby for 4 hours, alone, twice a week. She had phone numbers, of course (mom was at work, dad and I were in class) but never needed them. He had some fussy days, but she was great with him, doing the bounce-walk for hours, and holding him on her lap while he napped... so not everyone expects a lot less from adolescents today.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BlueStateMama*
That's a pretty broad brush to paint a whole demographic with... Your experiences as a teen may be different from others.. If it's your personal comfort level, I get that, but it's not fair to say all teens are irresponsible like that.

I agree. I was comfortable leaving my kid with teens, and I am comfortable leaving my teen with kids. There are plenty of teens out there who are responsible and caring, and would never do the things you did. On the other hand, there's a lot of anti-teen rhetoric out there, and I think it's easy to start to think that most teens are irresponsible and immature... but that hasn't been my experience. Actually, the only bad sitter experience I had was with a mother of 4 who I swapped with for a couple months when Rain was a baby - she was in LLL and homeschooled and really talked the talk, but I arrived at her house unexpectedly once and found my 7 month old in a playpen screaming while the mom and other kids calmly colored in the other room. My poor baby...

dar


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen* 
I can't believe we're on page three and nobody has voiced the kind of sentiment I'm about to. That should be a sign to me to click my way right out of this thread and move on to somewhere safe, but what the hell . . .

When I was a teenaged babysitter, I occasionally showed up drunk, usually invited friends over to continue the party, and eventually perfected my blow job technique . . . all while earning $4 an hour. I thought raiding the refrigerator and talking incessantly on the phone were practically required in my job description. I don't remember much about actually playing with the kids, but I do have a vivid recollection of taking one toddler out for a walk and having the stroller suddenly lock up and revolve uncontrollably in the dead center of an intersection.

In case I'm not making myself clear, I _was_ a teenaged babysitter, and therefore I WILL NEVER USE A TEENAGED BABYSITTER.

We had this conversation in my LLL group recently and I seriously chapped some asses, so I'm sure I've just done the same here. But think about it, if you can't trust these immature people to know how to act, how can you trust them to know how to react if something bad happens?

Yes, there are millions of responsible teens out there for the hiring, and every parent who hired me was sure I was one of them. Oh, did I have them fooled.

You do realize that there are some *gasp* responsible teens out there? Somewhere...

As a teen I had my share of fun, underage drinking and what not (ha.... how do you think I got my ds?







: ). During that same time period I babysat for one family occaisionally. I never, NEVER showed up drunk. I never had friends over. I never even called any friends while I was "on duty". I took my job very seriously. I showed up on time and in proper attire (







: ), I played with the kids, read to them, fed them dinner if needed, we sometimes baked/decorated cookies, then pj's went on, teeth brushed, kids went in bed, lights went out, and I cleaned up any messes we had made. If I finished that and the parents weren't home I would get a book off the shelf and start reading (unless I brought homework to do). I knew not to do anything like you described while I was on-duty. Never would I have even considered doing such things while watching others kids.


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## GrrlyElizabeth (Aug 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *daniedb* 
Wow, I would be quite irritated to find her sitting and watching TV if there were dirty dinner dishes and toys strewn everywhere. I would never expect her to do the laundry/dishwasher/feed the dog thing, but definitely I expect my girls to clean up after themselves and the kids. Thankfully, I've not run into anyone that doesn't get that.

Ditto.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *daniedb* 
Of course, one of our favorite "friends" (Henry's term for his babysitters) completely reorganized my pantry and freezer (with my permission) and threw out and cleaned everything that needed it. No extra pay, she's just like that. And no, I won't share her.









But don't you want to set a good sharing example for H? Come on, cough up that number!







:


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## sea_joy (Aug 5, 2006)

9$ an hour is good, it's not awesome, but it's good. It buys, *Dishes they used (and kids) in the dishwasher (or if the washers full, rinsed and stacked neatly in the sink),* Kids happy and if at all possible in bed, *Messes babysitter and kids made picked up. That said, kids don't know how to prioritize. It's entirely possible she thinks being a good babysitter means watching the kids all the time, so turning her back on them to do dishes is bad. She should clean the toys after the kids go to bed, but she might have been totally pooped after chasing after kids all day, you know how it feels. I babysat for many years as a teeneger and later as a nanny and I found that a lot of problems came from parents not telling me exactly what they wanted. If someone said to me, be really cuddly to my DS,don't let him watch any TV until bedtime and pick up his messes, just that would be done when they came home. Give the kid a chance, talk to her. Also, your kids might have asked her if they could call you, and it feels really mean as a babysitter to tell a kid that no, in this era of cell phones, they cannot call their beloved mommy.
Good Luck


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

The more I think about this the more I think i must use babysiiters later in the day or something. when my babysitter comes the girls are usually siting down to dinner (I make enough for sitter too). She i expected to put leftovers in the fridge, wash and put away all the dishes, tidy up the kitchen and diningroom (wipe table countertops and sweep floor etc). once the kids are done with supper they can watch a video or play a game with the sitter (cleaning supper stuff can wait until they are in bed) until bedtime. (usually about an hour). Then they brush their teeth, tidy their rooms with her help and get to bed. after that she has 3-4 hours to burn. once the main floor is tidied (couch streightened and everything put away, etc) ahe is free to do whatever but only if the house is as clean as I left it.

during the day though it is different. while I still expect any dishes she used to be done everything else i about special playing and treats. I expect them to be taken to the park, and led in fun activities outside. no TV and no video games or computer.

also

I think teens are the best sitters. it would have ever ocured to my friends or i to dissrespect someones home by inviting people over. The girls I ask to babysit i know very well and I know their families and I know my children would rat them out in a heatbeat if they had people over or didn't do all the coll thinghs sitters are suposed to do. I also know my neighbors would rat them out becuase we watch each others sitters like that


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
You do realize that there are some *gasp* responsible teens out there? Somewhere...


I do, that's why I included the sentence saying, "Yes, there are millions of responsible teens out there for the hiring . . . "

I spoke of my experience. And the experience of the kids who ended up pulling me in the game of Russian Childcare Roulette their parents were playing. Nobody ever got hurt, I never got in trouble, and the parents got a cheap night out, so I guess it's a wash. It's just not a chance I will ever take with my DS.

Did some of the kids tattle on me? Yeah, I'm sure some did because some parents never called again. Did some parents know I was drunk when I showed up. Definitely. I remember one dad slipping me an extra 5 to get myself another six pack. He seemed to think it was cute.







:


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## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

I've gotta side with Heffernhyphen. I didn't get drunk on the job as a teenage babysitter, but I pretty much ignored the kids. Heck, I'd be a crappy sitter even TODAY, I'm just not that interested in other people's kids.

Worse than neglect, though, was that when I was in high school quite a few of the popular, desirable sitters in my neighborhood were NOTHING as sweet and wholesome as the parents thought. As soon as the parents left, they went through the house helping themselves to cash, cigarettes, prescription drugs, alcohol, etc. It was really no secret at all around school. I mean they'd be having conversations with each other about how much water you can add to a bottle of vodka so it looks like the same amount and the parents don't notice. Where do the Smith parents store their cartons of cigarettes? Etc.


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## giggleball (Jan 10, 2006)

Wow.... interesting thread! Just my two cents -- I was paid $2-$3/hr. (in the 80s) and I took care of the kids, bathed them etc. (if needed), helped w/ homework, fed them, put them to bed. After they went to bed, I cleaned up our dishes, put their dirty clothes in the hampers, and general straighten up. However, I usually got the KIDS to help me pick stuff up BEFORE they went to bed -- just seems to make sense -- afterall, THEY helped make the mess.

Anyway, after bed I would either talk on the phone w/ friends, watch tv, or read. All of which I had permission to do from the parents.

All of that said, when we have babysitters my primary focus is that the kids are safe and happy. Bedtime is a big issue -- they don't nap so they have to go to bed early. If the dishes are in the sink and not washed, I don't get my panties in a wad. And, as far as I am concerned, after the kids are in bed, play on the computer, watch tv, talk on the phone, whatever you want to do (within REASON!







)


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen* 
I do, that's why I included the sentence saying, "Yes, there are millions of responsible teens out there for the hiring . . . "

I spoke of my experience. And the experience of the kids who ended up pulling me in the game of Russian Childcare Roulette their parents were playing. Nobody ever got hurt, I never got in trouble, and the parents got a cheap night out, so I guess it's a wash. It's just not a chance I will ever take with my DS.

Did some of the kids tattle on me? Yeah, I'm sure some did because some parents never called again. Did some parents know I was drunk when I showed up. Definitely. I remember one dad slipping me an extra 5 to get myself another six pack. He seemed to think it was cute.







:

I am not sure how common this is, but we usually check on our sitter, especially if it is one of the first few times we have hired her/him. We randomly drop in without any warning although we always mention that we might stop back some time during the evening. It helps me with my peace of mind and I figure it weeds out any sitters that might be having thoughts of pulling anything while we are gone. One of our best sitters is a "troubled" teen. I know what she is up to outside of the time she sits for us. But she is a GREAT sitter and probably needs the chance to do something positive. AND she knows we will be dropping in on her.....usually more than once







Of course we will in town and are never more than 2 minute drive to our house so that makes it easy.


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## nicole lisa (Oct 27, 2004)

Our sitter rocks. Actually, rocked. She started when she was 13 and she's now 18 and too busy for sitting.









But we don't expect anything from her other than playing with DS. She's super cool and way into reading to him and dancing to music with him (we all like similar music) and watching movies with him. DS gets complete say in whether we keep a sitter or not and he can't get enough of her. There's been two others that were great but tried to parent him (get him to bed etc) rather than be a friend so after a few sitting gigs he asked us to not have them back and we listened.

We pay $10/hr and pick up movies (or she can grab one from home), her fave snacks and drinks and leave money for her to order in dinner for the two of them. DS can head to bed when he feels he's tired and after that we don't care what she does with her time. Mostly she reads, checks out our ever growing record collection and talks on her cell.

We're very clear with our sitters that we don't want them parenting. They're there to hang with DS cause he's not old enough to hang by himself. They're to take their cues from him and he has no bedtimes or food restrictions. We don't expect them to clean up and really there's never anything to clean up except a book or two in his room which is his domain to clean as he sees fit.

If I had to do the whole teen years again I'd be our sitter, that's how strong and independent and creative and just plain kick ass she is.

I would just be much more specific and up the pay to reflect the cleaning duties if I felt as you do.


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## MysteryMama (Aug 11, 2006)

I think the problems lies with the fact you didn't communicate what your expectations were of her as a "babysitter". Especially since when you agreed to pay her $9/hr you probably had it in mind that she would be doing some housekeeping. Now you're in the awkward situation of having to either tell her you want her to clean the house, pay her less, or have things continue the way they are at your expense.

That said, I think it's perfectly acceptable if the toys are picked up when you leave to ask her to make sure they're picked up when you get home.

I think as far as the problems go with her actual babysitting, you should speak up. Let her know you don't want the kids calling you every 5 min for nothing. Or hit the ignore button on the kids calls. The sitter can/will call you in case of emergency. Ask why the kids aren't in bed. Did she put forth a real effort to get them to bed on time? Let her know that's important and part of what you're paying her for. Did she really try and this is a discipline issue you have to deal with yourself?

Good luck resolving this to your satisfaction.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

There was just a very interesting episode of The Infinite Mind playing as I cooked dinner. The episode was called Childhood's End, and it talked about several aspects of the blurring of the lines between childhood and adulthood. While children today do enter into puberty earlier than their grandparents did, they said, maturity and judgment lag behind.

One person interviewed talked about a time his 13-year-old son was sleeping over at a friend's house. They decided it would be fun to slip out a window at 2 in the morning, run to a girlfriend's house, and see if they could get her to come out. When they tossed pebbles at her window, it tripped the alarm and the police arrived on the scene. Of course, the boys turned tail and ran . . . a reaction that could have landed them in an ER, or a morgue.

This is from the description of the episode found on the NPR website:

_". . . [teens] often lack fine tuning in their sense of judgment." Dr. Steinberg's research shows that adolescents facing tough decisions in experimental settings don't give much weight to the long-term consequences of their actions. He finds a troubling discrepancy between some of the rules that society imposes on teens, especially as they relate to juvenile justice. In some states, a 13-year-old can be tried as an adult for a capital offense, but can't vote. If we don't think he's responsible enough to vote, asks Dr. Steinberg, is it reasonable to hold him to adult standards of legal responsibility?_

So if they are generally considered not responsible enough to vote, and not grown enough to be held to 'adult standards of legal responsibility', how can we expect them to be responsible enough to be in charge of our helpless little ones?

It boggles my mind that grown men, at least in my neck of the woods, are the ones with paper routes and our most inexperienced work force are given the massive responsibility of keeping our kids alive while we go out to dinner.







:


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## shooflymama (May 23, 2005)

You know, I was a really good babysitter when I was a teen (starting at 12 and through college, for lots of different families), and because I put so much effort into it (we didn't watch TV, we ran around outside, we did interesting indoor projects and played games and read books), that once the kids were in bed, I was TIRED. THEN I might watch TV, or just chill and have a snack. Maybe she is just chilling after being a good sitter - and the calling you could be part of that, too. Maybe she is just being careful and doesn't want to do anything wrong.

Especially when you don't do it all the time, too, just things like giving kids a bath might seem a little daunting.

My mom tells me that when my sister and I were little, a favorite babysitter of ours always left the house in shambles, but she didn't mind because she knew we were in good hands and happy







.

Good luck working things out! Just adding my two cents to a lot of people's that their might be different interpretations of her behavior.


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## m9m9m9 (Jun 13, 2005)

My sitter comes only when my DD is sleeping.

I pay her $10 an hour to sit on my sofa and watch TV.

Somedays I know she has had to politely nudge toys out of her path to get to the sofa. I would never expect or ask her to clean them up. I hired her as a sitter not a houskeeper.

On the other hand, in college, a friend and I would sit for a woman who was a horrible housekeeper. We always tried to help her out and clean up a bit more when we went there (did all the dishes in the sink, mopped up old spills from before we got there, picked up very obvious messes) bc she, the mom, always seemed so overwhelmed. She was always so appreciative and now as a mom I understand why.

Maggie


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## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

I agree that a babysitter should put the house back the way she found it and do the dishes from any meals, or at least get stuff neatly in the sink.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Been thinking about this thread over the weekend, and talked to my kids about parents' expectations since they both babysit. They both sit for the same general group of people, and the expectations tend to be play with the kids, feed them if needed, put them to bed if/when needed.

Other than that, they both have very different styles, but are equally popular with the kids. My daughter does a lot of hands-on playing, games, etc. She will bathe the kids if needed, and once they're in bed straightens up - because she enjoys doing so. My son brings his guitar and plays/sings with the kids, does more sporty things (plays catch, football, water balloons, etc), reads to them. He will not bathe the kids under any circumstances as he feels it could put him in a bad situation (if there's no other choice, he'll call me or his sister to come over). Once they're in bed, he plays guitar, reads, or cooks something for the parents to stash for another day. Yes, he always asks if there are specific plans for whatever is in the fridge. He's an excellent cook, and the parents always appreciate it. And he cleans up the kitchen after himself.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

mitger...tell me you live near here.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmlp* 
Again, there is another perspective. It is not obvious to me that a babysitter's job description includes cleaning (even if the kids are asleep). A secretary cannot be asked to get coffee for her boss as part of her job (at least where I come from, she can't!). A nurse is supposed to be a nurse, not a cleaner or an orderly.


I was with you until this quote. I was a nurse. If something needed cleaning, we cleaned. If someone needing moving, we moved them. If someone was hungry, we heated up food and fed them. I mopped floors, changed sheets, cleaned bathrooms, and birth tubs for patients all. the. time. (I worked for a while in a hospital with one birth tub and no housekeeper after 11 pm; if a mama wanted a water birth, and it was dirty, it wasn't fair to not let her have that birth).

Part of learning to work is learning that there are lots of pieces of your job that aren't spelled out. When I was WOH, the people I worked with that had the attitude "it's not in my job description" drove me flippin' insane.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Why would one assume it was ok to sit around justr because the kids were in bed? I have a job that pays less than what a lot of you are paying for babysitting. i take care of customers. it is hard, exhausting, physical labor. far mroe draining than taking care a few kids. about 3/4 of the way in to my shift it slows down a lot. That doesn't mean I can head up to the break room and collapse until the end of my shift. They are paying me to work. and if expect to get paid I better find some work to do. And if I am done with my primary responsibility work means cleaning (regardless of employer this has always been the case) until my shift it over. Why would less be expected of a babysitter? especially one making such good money! Part of taking care of kids is taking care of their home.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BetsyS* 
I was with you until this quote. I was a nurse. If something needed cleaning, we cleaned. If someone needing moving, we moved them. If someone was hungry, we heated up food and fed them. I mopped floors, changed sheets, cleaned bathrooms, and birth tubs for patients all. the. time. (I worked for a while in a hospital with one birth tub and no housekeeper after 11 pm; if a mama wanted a water birth, and it was dirty, it wasn't fair to not let her have that birth).

Part of learning to work is learning that there are lots of pieces of your job that aren't spelled out. When I was WOH, the people I worked with that had the attitude "it's not in my job description" drove me flippin' insane.


I agree with you Betsy, I am a nurse and I did pretty much everything when I worked, and the "it's not in my job description" attitude drove me nuts as well.

But I think with a teen babysitter, they may not even be aware that things need doing. They need a bit of "on the job training" and a clear description of expectations. I was pretty clueless at that age myself, although a good decade in the working world changed that.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
mitger...tell me you live near here.









Where's here? But I suspect not.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
Why would one assume it was ok to sit around justr because the kids were in bed? I have a job that pays less than what a lot of you are paying for babysitting. i take care of customers. it is hard, exhausting, physical labor. far mroe draining than taking care a few kids. about 3/4 of the way in to my shift it slows down a lot. That doesn't mean I can head up to the break room and collapse until the end of my shift. They are paying me to work. and if expect to get paid I better find some work to do. And if I am done with my primary responsibility work means cleaning (regardless of employer this has always been the case) until my shift it over. Why would less be expected of a babysitter? especially one making such good money! Part of taking care of kids is taking care of their home.


Sorry, but part of taking care of the kids is NOT taking care of their home unless it's specified. We're talking about teens, not grown adults.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

a tidy sanitary house is part of keeping them safe. but i do think that people ned to be very clear about what they expect of their employees. sitters or otherwise.


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## Adamsmama (Oct 24, 2003)

I think if you expect them to clean or do laundry/dishes you should state that in the beginning. For me--I'm just glad to be able to get a way for a few hours but it certainly is nice and an added bonus to come home to a clean living room or kitchen. That being said, when I was a teen I babysat from ages 12-16 and always enjoyed tidying any mess, putting dishes in the dishwasher and just making sure things looked nice when the parents came home. (I never did their laundry or started their dishwasher, though, until later when I was hired by someone to do just that).


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## nicole lisa (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
They are paying me to work. and if expect to get paid I better find some work to do. And if I am done with my primary responsibility work means cleaning (regardless of employer this has always been the case) until my shift it over. Why would less be expected of a babysitter? especially one making such good money! Part of taking care of kids is taking care of their home.

I am paying my sitter to take care of problems if they arise. If there are no problems then there's no work for her. I don't expect my sitter to do busy work - when I was in the workforce there was nothing more insulting.

Before having DS I worked full time in homeless shelters. When I worked overnights my job was to be there for the clients if they needed anything. If they slept I had no work other than making sure the house was secure and answering the crisis line. Often I slept on the couch in the common room.

I don't see my sitter's job as different than the one I had. She's there to interact with DS while he's awake and then to be on hand if he wakes and needs anything or to handle anything that comes up while BF and I are out of the house.

If I need my house cleaned by anyone other than me I'll hire someone to do that job. House cleaners here get paid more than sitters so I wouldn't take advantage of my sitter that way.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nicole lisa* 
I am paying my sitter to take care of problems if they arise. If there are no problems then there's no work for her. I don't expect my sitter to do busy work - when I was in the workforce there was nothing more insulting.

Before having DS I worked full time in homeless shelters. When I worked overnights my job was to be there for the clients if they needed anything. If they slept I had no work other than making sure the house was secure and answering the crisis line. Often I slept on the couch in the common room.

I don't see my sitter's job as different than the one I had. She's there to interact with DS while he's awake and then to be on hand if he wakes and needs anything or to handle anything that comes up while BF and I are out of the house.

If I need my house cleaned by anyone other than me I'll hire someone to do that job. House cleaners here get paid more than sitters so I wouldn't take advantage of my sitter that way.

I totally agree with this.


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## Daniel's Kitty (Nov 18, 2006)

I was usually so busy playing with the kids that I didn't do much cleaning. I only called a parent once other than when a blizzard started while I was baby sitting and I was wondering if they were going to make it home. That one time was when I couldn't make the can opener work. I would do bath time, but that didn't happen often.

Usually after bed time, I would pick up the mess in the kitchen and then study. Most families I baby sat for many times. I wish I could still take care of some of those kids, but a lot of them don't need muck or any help.


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## mamawanabe (Nov 12, 2002)

My mom was a pretty messy housekeeper. I rememeber a babysiter once doing the dishes. It embarassed the hell out of my mom. I never would clean someone elses house unless I was close enough to them that I know they wouldn't mind. People get embarassed and defensive about that kinda thing.

Yes, babysitters should leave the house as they found it (and dishes they used should at least be in least in the sink if not washed), but if more is wanted, it needs to be spelled out. It never would have occured to me to do laundry when I babysat . . .


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## wwisdomskr (Dec 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A* 
I have poignant memories of babysitting for a particular family where the boy (age 8 or 9) chased me around with a knife, and the 18 mo. baby WOULD. NOT. STOP. CRYING!

Babysitting is harder than it looks.

OMG! Did we babysit for the same friggin' family?!? I was chased out of the house by the boy (8 or 9) with a HUGE kitchen knife. It was so scary and I really had no idea what to do... It wasn't my town or anything and this was way before cell phones. Yikes! He finally calmed down, went back into the house and started playing with something else...and I hid all of the knives. At 13 yo, I was not equipped to talk or wrestle a knife out of the hands of a psycho kid! Even after the Red Cross certification course...









When the parents got home...boy started crying and told them I had tripped him and tried to hit him. The mom screamed at me, saying that no one was allowed to hit her kids except her. OMG. I was never so relieved to get home to my own wacky parents...


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## mommyddeville (Nov 28, 2005)

In high school, I babysat, and after college, I was a nanny. The jobs are very different.

When I babysat, I'd take care of the kids. Play with them, sometimes give baths, make meals, and have fun. I always cleaned up our messes and the kids went to bed clean, but I didn't touch the dishwasher until I'd babysat quite a few times and knew where stuff went. And that I wouldn't upset the parents by doing that. I never did laundry. And I was a very popular babysitter. I made about $5/hr caring for 3 kids in 1998.

In 2001, I became a nanny. It's a different world than babysitting. For nannying, I had a background check and was on a temporary hire basis for the first month until we knew everything would work out. I loved the job. But it was much harder than babysitting. I still played with the kids, gave baths, made meals, and had fun. But I also took care to make sure we varied our outings, that the kids had all sorts of different fun and educational experiences, and that they became well rounded people. For that job, I did about 95% of the family's laundry, 95% of the dishes, as well as cleaned up toys, swept floors, vacuumed, etc. I wasn't a housekeeper, because I didn't deep clean. But I worked every single minute I was there, except when I stopped for a quick meal.

I think by paying $9/hr, the OP is almost looking for a nanny, but on a very part time basis.


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## nicole lisa (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyddeville* 
I think by paying $9/hr, the OP is almost looking for a nanny, but on a very part time basis.

It depends on where you live. Where I live $10/hr is for a teen aged sitter and nannies make more like $15-20/hr if part-time and are salaried if full-time.

Our guideline for teen sitters is never below the minimum wage.


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## bugmenot (May 29, 2005)

mommyddeville, I agree with your post #101.

If I was watching someone's kids, here's what I'd probably do: Watch the kids, give them any meals (if necessary), supervise their shower/bath time (if necessary), put them to bed (if necessary.)

I'd probably put any dirty dishes into the dish washer. I may or may not run it, because each one is different. Likewise, I probably wouldn't put anything away. One thing I don't like is to spend 20 minutes finding something because it was put away in the wrong place -- I like to know where something is and get it out instantly.

If the dish soap could be found, I may wash them by hand and put them in the drainer.

The same would apply towards any toys or games. Sure, any babysitter would be expected to put things back in their boxes, and where they came from, but what if they were out at the start? Obviously, you wouldn't put away a 5,000 piece puzzle when it's still being worked out (or even when it was finished... i'd leave that out for a few days), but the kids could spend 15-20 minutes putting things away before bed.

But, unless the parents left a checklist detailing what I'm supposed to do, my main focus would be on the kids.

It also does sound like the original poster needs a housesitter/nanny to do more than the average babysitter.


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## CrunchyParent (Mar 13, 2007)

My friend recently told me that their babysitter charged a different rate if the children were awake vs. if they were asleep; $11/hr or $10/hr. I was floored. It's as if she is blatantly saying that it's $11/hr to actually interact with and care for the children in some manner and $10/hr to make sure that the house doesn't spontaneously burst into flames and the children don't die in their sleep. My only thought was how many people work very very hard laboring to make far less than she makes to sit on her behind in someone's house and not stealing their belongings while their children sleep.


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## Nicole77 (Oct 20, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nicole lisa* 
It depends on where you live. Where I live $10/hr is for a teen aged sitter and nannies make more like $15-20/hr if part-time and are salaried if full-time.

Our guideline for teen sitters is never below the minimum wage.

That is pretty similar to around here. We pay $8-10 an hour for nighttime teenage/young adult babysitting. Basically feed the kids, play a bit, get them into bed, keep them alive until we are back. A nanny job would start at at least $13 an hour, probably more like $15 and would include housework and likely errands.


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

I have a babysitter that doesn't pick up too. It's not terrible, as it generally only takes me about 5 minutes. But on the nights when she watches her and Alivia has been in bed for 2 hours, it annoys me to come home to clutter.

When *I* babysat, I would clean up our dinner dishes, and all the other dishes that were in the sink as well. I would make sure the house was as tidy (if not more so) then when I walked in. I did this on my own. One family that I babysat for (even though they were VERY neat) always noticed and said I didn't need to do it, but it was fine with me, and if the kids have already been in bed for some time, why not?

As far as bedtime, I have babysat kids that just won't go to bed for me. And I know Alivia has a hard time some nights too. But if said babysitter is a regular, then it shouldn't be a problem.

And as far as laundry goes, I would be uncomfortable doing someone else's laundry (as far as folding and such) and I would be uncomfortable with someone else doing mine. It's a privacy issue. But if the child spilled something on themselves or had an explosive diaper or something, it would be nice if they at least got the clothes soaking. And if they called me to ask exactly how we do it, I'd be fine with that too.

One time, we had a regular babysitter over and Alivia had been sick the night before (in the ER) and had thrown up that morning (it wasn't contagious). My mom and I were also very sick (I had also been in the ER the night before) and told her that we would be upstairs trying to sleep it off. She was perfectly fine with it. When it was time for her to go and we had woke up, she had cleaned up EVERYTHING and even done all of our dishes from the night before, scrubbed the counters, everything! We told her that that was above and beyond and she told us that she did it to help us out since we were so sick!







I sure do miss her....

<end of ramble unless I think of more!>


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrunchyParent* 
My friend recently told me that their babysitter charged a different rate if the children were awake vs. if they were asleep; $11/hr or $10/hr. I was floored. It's as if she is blatantly saying that it's $11/hr to actually interact with and care for the children in some manner and $10/hr to make sure that the house doesn't spontaneously burst into flames and the children don't die in their sleep. My only thought was how many people work very very hard laboring to make far less than she makes to sit on her behind in someone's house and not stealing their belongings while their children sleep.

Gee my thought was that she's nice to cut them a break on the rate when the kids are sleeping.

I pay my nanny for naps, because her job is not to be The Most Productive Worker Ever, but to be there in case of an emergency, take care of my son's needs, etc. If she reads during that time and it refreshes her, GOOD.

I don't get your argument that people work harder; yes in many countries people work in hard, unsafe conditions for 35 cents a day. But that doesn't impact on what I pay my nanny - I pay her both according to market conditions and because what she does has value to me.


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## CrunchyParent (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GuildJenn* 
Gee my thought was that she's nice to cut them a break on the rate when the kids are sleeping.

I pay my nanny for naps, because her job is not to be The Most Productive Worker Ever, but to be there in case of an emergency, take care of my son's needs, etc. If she reads during that time and it refreshes her, GOOD.

I don't get your argument that people work harder; yes in many countries people work in hard, unsafe conditions for 35 cents a day. But that doesn't impact on what I pay my nanny - I pay her both according to market conditions and because what she does has value to me.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify. Of course I believe that a child care provider should be paid for the entire time that s/he is on the job regardless of the child's wake/sleep status. My point was that by having what I perceived to be an "extra" charge for actually caring for conscoius children it was basically acknowledging that she gets paid $10/hour to do very little, and it's $11/hour to actually have to interact with the child(ren). I was speaking to the lack of perspective perhaps given that many many many people in this very country work rather hard and do not get paid $11/hour or $10/hour for that matter.

I am sure that you hold your nanny in very high esteem and I applaud you for paying a rate that you believe to be fair without any reservation. The OP however was speaking (IMO) to perceived value and contrasting what her highschool babysitters do today to EARN their compensation vs. what she herself once did. I shpould also add that I think thre is a difference between a nanny for ehom childcare is generally a FT job, and a highschool babysitter for whom it is a PT gig.

I was a babysitter for many years throughout middle school & high school (I babysat for the same family almost every Sat. night for 7 years). I also worked retail jobs, and foodservice jobs in high school as well. Generally I got a 15 min. break on a 4 hour shift or the option of a 30 min. unpaid break on a 8 hour shift for other jobs. Babysitting was awesome. I could watch tv, gab on the phone, write letters, snack, etc. after the kids were in bed and I'd cleaned up, but. I was not paid anywhere near $10 or $11/hour, which was just fine. These days, I can't afford to go see a movie with DH because I can't shell out $100 for a (highschool) babysitter, 2 tickets, and popcorn.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrunchyParent* 
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify. Of course I believe that a child care provider should be paid for the entire time that s/he is on the job regardless of the child's wake/sleep status. My point was that by having what I perceived to be an "extra" charge for actually caring for conscoius children it was basically acknowledging that she gets paid $10/hour to do very little, and it's $11/hour to actually have to interact with the child(ren). I was speaking to the lack of perspective perhaps given that many many many people in this very country work rather hard and do not get paid $11/hour or $10/hour for that matter.
.

See, think this is a glass half empty versus glass half full situation. What I see is that she is not charging MORE for awake children, but giving a DISCOUNT for asleep children.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrunchyParent* 
I am sure that you hold your nanny in very high esteem and I applaud you for paying a rate that you believe to be fair without any reservation. The OP however was speaking (IMO) to perceived value and contrasting what her highschool babysitters do today to EARN their compensation vs. what she herself once did. I shpould also add that I think thre is a difference between a nanny for ehom childcare is generally a FT job, and a highschool babysitter for whom it is a PT gig.

I was a babysitter for many years throughout middle school & high school (I babysat for the same family almost every Sat. night for 7 years). I also worked retail jobs, and foodservice jobs in high school as well. Generally I got a 15 min. break on a 4 hour shift or the option of a 30 min. unpaid break on a 8 hour shift for other jobs. Babysitting was awesome. I could watch tv, gab on the phone, write letters, snack, etc. after the kids were in bed and I'd cleaned up, but. I was not paid anywhere near $10 or $11/hour, which was just fine. These days, I can't afford to go see a movie with DH because I can't shell out $100 for a (highschool) babysitter, 2 tickets, and popcorn.

I was a babysitter too, didn't make a lot of money either but enjoyed it, and I did the dishes...

... and occasionally a father hit on me, there was porn around, and people came home stoned & drunk now and then. And then there were wonderful people.

BUT it's the first group of people that pretty much explains why babysitting rates have gone up, in my area (Toronto) anyway.

People don't want their kids babysitting for people they don't know well, and kids are working differently to get into college/scholarships, and the world is a different place.

Hence there are fewer sitters, and they tend to be older. If the rate in your area is $11/hr (not saying it is, but it is in mine - if you're lucky) then that's the rate. Here actually it is easier to get a full time nanny at a cheaper rate, due to people here on domestic visas, than it is to get a part-time nanny, which is why I pay mine a fair amount and don't ask her to clean. She does anyway, sometimes, but I leave it up to her to manage her workload and stress.

If the OP thinks the price is exorbitant then she can try to find another sitter and she might find one, or she can talk to her current sitter, who might not mind at all. And I have a lot of sympathy; I can't afford to go out either and I have a nanny for about half of the hours I actually work and do the rest on weekends.

BUT the fact is that babysitting can be a hard job, and it's taking care of our kids, and I sort of hate to see people setting rules on how much work you should "get out of a person" given that the price seems high compared to the 80s or whenever you were sitting. God knows the real world of jobs doesn't work that way and I, for one, am glad to see some of the traditional, feminine jobs getting some credit and better wages...

... not that I still don't want to be able to go out cheaply.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I'm back with a happy update!!!









I met a woman (girl - I'm 38 and still say girl about anyone younger than my gramma) at work one day. She was sitting for the friend of a friend of mine - picking up the little boy from the school where I work. We chatted for a minute and I asked her if she sat for them full time or just occassionally. It wasn't full time so I got her number.

Called her last week to see if she could sit for us Monday (last night). On the phone she tells me she charges $12 an hour with a four hour minimum. I usually pay $9 and told her so (when she asked me if that was ok) but I said $12 was fine (all the while thinking I may not use her as much with a higher price). We agreed that she would come Monday.

Dp and I go out to dinner and to Costco (yes, romantic date).







We come home to:

Kids bathed/read to/asleep in beds - and she cooked them a "real" dinner (not just frozen pizza or M & C from a box)!

Toys in family room all put away (this one I expect but not everyone does)

Kitchen sinks empty - dishes in dishwasher, pots hand washed, counters wiped down!

Kitchen and powder room garbages emptied into our big can!

Everything tidied up all of the downstairs!

SHE DID ALL DD2's and DD3's laundry from the hampers in their rooms!!!!!! And folded it! WOW!!!!

The kids loved her. She didn't let the cats out, and were great with them (they are also our babies, and only a year old, and inside only cats so I always worry they'll get out) as she has a beloved dog.

And she called me the day before to confirm that she was coming and the time to arrive.

Oh, and she lit the candle I keep in the kitchen so when we walked in, it smelled great!

Ding, ding, ding - we have a winner! SO worth $12 per hour!!! I may never call another sitter again! No wonder my two friends who use her hadn't handed out her number!

Above and beyond. She rocks. I told her so. Many times.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

If you had expected that out of me as a babysitter, I'd probably not babysat for you again.

And I was the babysitter that everyone wanted.


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## m9m9m9 (Jun 13, 2005)

n/t


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## Synchro246 (Aug 8, 2005)

NAK.
Man I was ripped off. I got $2 an hour. I was decent too. No parties, I cleaned toys when they went to bed. . .
sorry, this has nothing to do with the op.


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## PrennaMama (Oct 10, 2005)

I think your expectations came from the fact that you know what _good_ care-giving looks like. It prly is what makes you a good parent, too!

Glad you found such a gem!

I was that sitter, too... the one all theparents wanted, because I took care of the _house_ when the kids had been tended to (asleep).

I haven't used a sitter, yet, cuz I'm afraid of that scenario. We still just have fam take care of dd in a pinch... we don't get out much.


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## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

I babysat ALL THE TIME for years and was very good at it. I followed the parents' instructions to the best of my ability, and gave the kids 100% of my attention and energy while they were awake. When they slept, I cleaned up from their playtime, did the dishes we'd used, and just generally straightened up.

I never did laundry or changed the dog's water; that's not babysitting. But I do think it's reasonable to think that things related to the kids and their activities are dealt with as part of babysitting.


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## amydawnsmommy (Mar 13, 2005)

The cell phone calls from the kids debating on rules would bother me too.
It would also make me wonder if the babysitter had any common sense.

Maybe it's time to look for a new babysitter?
I think sitting down with them and going over what you expect from them would be a good start.

Also, I'd get some references.


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