# Having a drink in front of your kids...



## Carolyn R (Mar 31, 2008)

is this appropriate? I think it is, if explained properly to the kids, but I know some parents that never ever have a drink/alcohol in front of their child. Help me think this one through!


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## Sailor (Jun 13, 2006)

I'm from eastern Europe. I think that about explains it all.









I don't really see the big deal in kids seeing adults drinking responsibly. This is done pretty much everywhere in Europe. Almost every single family in Europe drinks wine with dinner. In front of the kids (obviously, as they're at the dinner table too). This is not to mention the eastern Europe tradition of also making your own flavored vodkas, and sharing them with everyone.

To be honest, I never came across anyone who didn't drink in front of their kids until I turned 25 and met such a couple. Being from eastern Europe, it seemed kind of odd to me. I understand not getting drunk in front of the kids, but modeling responsible alcohol use seems like a good idea. It was modeled for me - and I don't drink at all now, lol.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I dont think drinking alcohol is appropriate so doing it in front of a child gives the impression that it is and for my family that is not OK.

My dh's father used to and when dh came in drunk the first time he decided that he had to quiet.

No one ever drank around me. Never seen any alcohol at all actually and the only thing I have ever drank was a wine cooler when I was 17 didnt like feeling the way I did so havnt touched any form since.


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

I think it's fine to have a drink or two - inappropriate to get plastered.


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## Oztok5 (Mar 25, 2008)

I don't have any kids yet, so take this for what it's worth.

As long as the drinking is kept at responsible levels, I don't see a real problem with it. If it's expected that the child will grow up to drink someday, I see no reason why responsible drinking practices shouldn't be modeled by their parents. I would even run to get my dad a beer from the fridge when I was little, but it was one beer maybe 2 or 3 times a week. I'm certainly not scarred by the experience. If a parent was going to be having more than a drink or so, I would certainly expect the other parent or responsible adult to be there to watch over the kids.

I've actually chosen to never drink, my mother raised me LDS, but if that were not the case, I think seeing my father handle drinking in a reasonable way would have been good for me.

ETA: I hope my children will also make the choice not to drink, so my husband and I will certainly not be modeling drinking in our home, or anywhere for that matter. However, growing up in a home with some alcohol obviously did not turn me into someone who drinks.


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## Z1Z2 (Jul 12, 2009)

I think it is OK to have a drink or two when the kids are present. Drinking to excess in front of them? Certainly not.


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## Miss Chris (May 7, 2007)

As adults we do all sorts of things that are inappropriate for children. We drive cars, we get married and have families, we pay for things on credit..... etc etc. These are things for grown-ups, no biggy.

I don't see drinking alcohol as any different as long as it is a well managed part of a healthy lifestyle. It is bad for kids to see their parents out of control because that's frightening and it models problem behavior.

Miss Chris


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## Eeyore35 (Aug 2, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *inkslinger* 
I think it's fine to have a drink or two - inappropriate to get plastered.

this


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

hmmm ... what is the difference between alcohol and coffee? i mean can our children tell? are we putting thoughts into their head? by our behaviour?

how can they even tell?

so anything that changes our behaviour is not a good thing in front of our children.

here's my other question.

what do you do if they wanna taste? do you let them. even at 2?

i did.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

We drink when the kids are around. We don't get drunk though. I don't see anything inappropriate about it. Drinking in moderation is not irresponsable behavior. DD has asked a couple of time to try what we're drinking and so far, she has found them all to be icky tasting. There was one, can't remember what it was, she described it as tasting like rotten peanuts and seaweed.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

my almost 7 year old cant imagine why anyone in their right mind would drink beer. on the flip side she cant understand why everyone does not drink scotch. its the scottish in her i guess.


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

MusicianDad - I knew when I saw your username your response would be worth reading! Hilarious!

I also see no problem with drinking in moderation. We are very honest with DD about how different people use alcohol. My father is a recovering alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in 30 years. DH and I may have one drink once in awhile with a meal.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I'll be polite. There is nothing inherently wrong about alcohol. Extremism in any form isn't particularly healthy. I want my kids to be exposed to lots of parts of life. I want my kids to understand what making responsible choices looks like.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MCatLvrMom2A&X* 
I dont think drinking alcohol is appropriate so doing it in front of a child gives the impression that it is and for my family that is not OK.

ditto


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Yeah I drink in front of mine (and other's kids) all the time. No problem. I also drink coffee in front of my kid, but he doesn't get to drink that either.

i think it would be more problematic if you drank, but never in front of your children, like hid it, or only drank after they were sleeping. That sends very werid messages, like it's "wrong" and needs to be "hidden" Which certainly wouldn't help facilitate a healthy realtionship with alcohol


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I drink in front of my kids. I am comfortable with the knowledge that they may decide to drink when they are older, so I am fine with them seeing my drink.


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## momtokea (Oct 27, 2005)

I spent a lot of time in Europe visiting grandparents when I was little. We had homemade wine for dinner every night. The kids were allowed to have a few sips if they wanted, but most of us hated it so chose not to have it.

Nobody was ever drunk from drinking wine at dinner time, and now I don't drink at all except for the very occasional glass of wine at a dinner party. I have let my kids have sips of wine and they don't like it. Likewise for cofffee.

When I was in highschool and the other kids said "Let's go drinking!!!" I thought "What's the big deal? I've been doing that all my life. I can go home and have wine tonight if I want to. But I don't want to." My sibling and my cousins who were raised the same way don't drink either.

I think you do more harm by hiding it.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Absolutely. Getting drunk, of course, isn't OK, but there are lots of things adults do that kids can't. I drive a car in front of my kids, too.







I'd rather have my kids see us drinking responsibly that feel that it's something taboo.


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## enigo (Mar 11, 2009)

My mother drank to excess when I was a child (still does). As a result, I don't drink at all.
My husband has a few beers once in a while in front of my son and of course he always wants what dad has.
However I drink the occasional soda and cannot enjoy it as DS goes nuts when he sees it.


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## AstridS (Mar 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
Absolutely. Getting drunk, of course, isn't OK, but there are lots of things adults do that kids can't. I drive a car in front of my kids, too.







I'd rather have my kids see us drinking responsibly that feel that it's something taboo.

This!

I'd rather have my kids see me drink a glass of wine at at dinnerparty and say no thanks to a refill now, than send them off to a party sometime in the future without ever having seen an adult drinking responsibly. They might end up seeing their friends get drunk and think that's the right way to handle alcohol. If we have wine with dinner and they ask what it is, depending of their age I explain what it is and that only adults drink that. Or I explain what it is and let them have a sip. DD1 tasted beer one time and wine one time and she doesn't like it at all and can't understand why grown ups like it. But we like a lot of things, that she doesn't: 72% chocolate, coffee, chili spice chai, broccoli, cauli flower...


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Well our kids sometimes have wine with dinner. They have their own sherry glasses. I drink like 1-2 drinks a year but dh has wine with dinner once a week or so. The kids don't partake everytime. We show them how we use wine and dh would never drink "too much".


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rightkindofme* 
There is nothing inherently wrong about alcohol. Extremism in any form isn't particularly healthy. I want my kids to be exposed to lots of parts of life. I want my kids to understand what making responsible choices looks like.

This.


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## greeny (Apr 27, 2007)

Quote:

I don't really see the big deal in kids seeing adults drinking responsibly.
I don't either.

Dh and I have a beer or a glass of wine or two regularly around the kids. We regularly bring them to family and friend parties and barbecues where people are drinking (not to excess). I have no problem with it at all.


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## seaheroine (Dec 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carolyn R* 
is this appropriate? I think it is, if explained properly to the kids, but I know some parents that never ever have a drink/alcohol in front of their child. Help me think this one through!

I definitely don't see any problem in drinking responsibly in front of children. My parents were moderate drinkers - beer, wine - my Dad drinks scotch on holidays, etc. It was, to me, just an option as an adult. They role-modeled safe drinking, one was always a designated driver if we were out to dinner, etc. We were allowed sips of wine here and there and once in high school, small amounts of champagne on New Year's.

We drink in front of DD. Myself, not now as I'm pg, but DH still does and it doesn't bother me. Truthfully I think it would be somewhat odd to only drink in private when my children were not around.

I _don't_ think it's okay to "party" or get drunk around children (though there's always that uncle at the 4th of July barbecue). There's a difference between drinking respsponsibly and drinking in excess...restraint and good judgement must always be exercised.


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## seriosa (Apr 2, 2009)

We usually open a bottle of wine with sunday lunch. It takes us 2 adults till tuesday or wednesday to finish it. We also allow ourselves an occasional beer (with pizza!) or an after-dinner digestive liquer. I would like DS to grow up with an appreciation of, rather than a compulsion for, good wines and spirits - that means modelling moderation and enjoyment. I have DS sniff the wines, and he usually goes bletch. He totally understands that adults and children have different bodies and different needs, and that alcohol & coffee are OK for adults but not for kids. (I did a practical example for him once by filling a thimble glass with water and that was his small body, and then pouring that same water into a tumbler - an adults body. It was quite clear to him that a small amount of something is a lot for a kid's metabolism, but not so for an adult's).


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

Of course it's OK to have a drink in front of your kids.

My kids have been to parties/backyard BBQ's with us where almost everyone has a beer in hand. DD likes to join in with her bottle of IBC root "beer" (purchased for the purpose.)

They have been to weddings were the champagne was flowing (along with everything else).

One memorable time when DD was a 9 months or so DH and I enjoyed some of my uncles home made wine and the high alcohol content snuck up on us (at a family wedding) and we had a great time slow dancing with DD snuggled down fast asleep in her sling.

Family gatherings, both sides, usually involve a predinner drink for anyone that is interested.

Christmas morning we have a tradition of coffee and Baileys Irish Cream.

Alcohol is a part of life in our culture, and our kids benefit from seeing the adults in their life enjoy a drink responsibly. Besides the above mentioned wedding, I do not think they have ever seen one of us, or anyone in real life, drunk.

I think having zero tolerance for the presence of alcohol can be problematic. DH has an aunt that is like that. It really stinks that we do not get to see her and the family (including the young adult cousins) during holiday family get togethers because she condems the glass of red wine my FIL will be drinking with dinner. It has definitely been a negative thing within the family (MIL's brothers and sisters primarily have allowed this to become a major source of bad blood.)

But at the same time I completely respect the decisions she has made for her family. We each set limits for our families that fit in with our own values. No one should be ostracized for it.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

We hardly ever drink. But the kids have been to weddings and other "partys" where there have been alcohol consumption (moderat). We have a strict rule though, that one of us is always, always totally sober. So while one of us might enjoy a glass of wine or a beer at sosial get-togethers, the other one does not.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

I don't drink but my husband will occasionally have a glass of wine. I don't see a problem with it if it's done in moderation. I don't enjoy weddings or parties where there is a ton of alcohol so we don't go or don't stay long if that's the case.


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## JMJ (Sep 6, 2008)

I think that it is appropriate to model what you believe to be appropriate behaviors involving alcohol. If you believe that drinking is wrong, don't drink in front of your kids. If you believe that one drink here or there for taste is responsible, do that and explain it to your kids. If you believe that having a few and then making sure that there is a designated driver to take you home and somebody sober to take care of the children is responsible, show your kids your responsible behavior. If alcohol is an important part of your religion or culture, take part in your religion or culture and explain that to your children.


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## KweenKrunch (Jul 25, 2009)

I don't want my kids to get the impression that alcohol is the "forbidden fruit" (I knew too many of those kids in high school - they went on to be heavy/inexperienced/dangerous drinkers in college.)

We make our own beer and we drink moderately around the kids. The most important thing for us is to model that you never, ever drive a vehicle or drive with anyone who's been drinking.


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

I have no problem with having a few drinks in front of the kids. Neither do our friends. My dad was an alcoholic when I was a kid and I never thought that it was an ok way to live. I went through my "drunk and party" stage" when I was 18-21, but I don't think that had much to do with my dad, more the crowd I hung out with. We also make sure one of us is sober at all times.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

I've never understood the reasoning behind hiding the occasional wine or beer from kids. Drinking alcoholic drinks is just another adult activity that kids can look forward to (if they want) along with sex, driving, dating, voting, working, marriage, family, etc. And it can model what responsible drinking is--no drinks if you are the designated driver, no getting drunk, etc.--just like we model other adult behavior.


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## liam's mom (Jun 18, 2003)

I don't feel that having a beer or a glass of wine in front of my children is inappropriate at all.


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## KiltimaghRose (Aug 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momtokea* 
I think you do more harm by hiding it.

this. I drink (in moderation) in front of my daughter and other young people in my family.


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## Porcelain Interior (Feb 8, 2008)

I don't drink, and don't know many responsible drinkers, but my test is:

Are you happier and nicer to everyone around you when you drink? Or meaner? More talkative?

Does your personality markedly change? (You might need an outside opinion)

If your answers are no then I'd say you're drinking responsibly.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I don't think there's anything wrong with moderate drinking around children. My dad was an alcoholic and my parents would have drunken parties in the house when we were kids with people passing out and spending the night and that kind of thing. That is NOT a good thing and I would strongly recommend no one do that for many reasons. But a couple of drinks here and there? No big deal.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

As long as it's in moderation and responsible - no problem. I cook a lot with wine. My son (17) also cooks a lot. He'll sip whatever is going into a dish so that he can understand how the flavors work together. He's had a half glass of champagne on a special occasion. Other than that? He doesn't drink and isn't interested in drinking. That's fine.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

My kids don't know what alcohol is. They just know that they can't have mom and dad's beer, wine, cola, coffee or tea. When they get older, we'll explain why.

However, no one ever smokes where the kids can see them.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkymamajoy* 

However, no one ever smokes where the kids can see them.

How do you manage that out in the world? My dd had seen random strangers smoking and was asking about it very young.


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## highlandmum (Jan 20, 2008)

For us, we drink wine with dinner frequently. Our family travels a lot and is familiar with a more 'European' kind of way of living I guess....we drink in front of the kids all the time (you know what I mean--not 'all the time' like all day, but frequently, lol)

I don't see it as a big deal, because that is how we live and it shows our kids that drinking alcohol is not a big deal and can be done in moderation responsibly (i.e. having ONE glass of wine with dinner)


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I see no problems with it. DD has seen our whole family have a beer or a glass of wine once in awhile. Getting trashed inappropriate, but having a glass or 2 of wine or a couple beers is not a big deal.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I'm not much a drinker as an adult, drank far too much as a teen.







My parents did model responsible drinking but for whatever reason I didn't follow in their footsteps. DH drinks around the children, just a beer here and there, so do all of my family went we get together. I don't have an issue with it, I think it is important for children to learn how to handle alcohol and hopefully they will be smarter then I was as teenagers.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Honestly, I cannot imagine why an adult drinking an alcoholic beherage responsibly would be a problem.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KweenKrunch* 
I don't want my kids to get the impression that alcohol is the "forbidden fruit" (I knew too many of those kids in high school - they went on to be heavy/inexperienced/dangerous drinkers in college.)

bad assumption. I wonder if people assume I was a drunk because my parents made it clear I was not to touch it. Sometimes young people are capable of making wise decisions for their own lives reguardless of what their parents do or don't encourage. My dad drank, my mom didn't, both made it out to be "forbidden fruit". I'm 25, never touched alcohol, never will. Maybe I'm an exception but, I do exist.


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I see no issue with adults drinking responsibly in front of children.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
Honestly, I cannot imagine why an adult drinking an alcoholic beherage responsibly would be a problem.

This.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Porcelain Interior* 
Does your personality markedly change? (You might need an outside opinion)

this scared and confused me when I was a kid, to see people change before my eyes. It didn't even have to be a big change in personality. As an adult I'm still weirded out by the changes in peoples mannerisms when they are even slightly intoxicated. Not to mention how frustrating it is to try interact with an intoxicated person.


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## Porcelain Interior (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FondestBianca* 
this scared and confused me when I was a kid, to see people change before my eyes. It didn't even have to be a big change in personality. As an adult I'm still weirded out by the changes in peoples mannerisms when they are even slightly intoxicated. Not to mention how frustrating it is to try interact with an intoxicated person.

Yes. It is scary, especially as a child. As an adult I have a physical/mental reaction to it, and it's a very negative one.

People becoming huggy that normally aren't. Using a sing song voice, or suddenly becoming a comedian, when normally the person is very reserved.

Everyone laughs about these things like it's no big deal, but to some and especially children it's frightening.

I remember my dad falling off the bed and hearing the loud noise and seeing the ends of his feet through my parents bedroom doorway (which was off the living room) and my older sister and my mom laughing, while I was crying because I thought he was hurt. They said, "Hahaha he's drunk!"

That probably went OT, but there is such a fine line between handling your liquor and not. I think many under estimate how they appear and function while mildly intoxicated. How you "feel" is meaningless and can't really be trusted. Most driver's pulled over for DUI right around .08 would tell you they are 100% A okay, and are angry that you can get pulled over at that level of intoxication (which most can barely feel).

There are SO MANY alcoholics, functioning and not in the world I don't think drinking gets taken as seriously as it should.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FondestBianca* 
this scared and confused me when I was a kid, to see people change before my eyes. It didn't even have to be a big change in personality. As an adult I'm still weirded out by the changes in peoples mannerisms when they are even slightly intoxicated. Not to mention how frustrating it is to try interact with an intoxicated person.

But a person drinking to the point of behavior changes is COMPLETELY different than a person who has a glass of wine or a beer with dinner.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Yep! It is a rare night that I do not have a glass of wine or a good beer while cooking dinner. Often that is followed by another later in the evening. I see no problem with it. Dd, who is 6, occasionally has a tiny glass of wine with dinner too (like maybe an ounce). She also drinks coffee milk.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yooper* 
Yep! It is a rare night that I do not have a glass of wine or a good beer while cooking dinner. Often that is followed by another later in the evening. I see no problem with it. Dd, who is 6, occasionally has a tiny glass of wine with dinner too (like maybe an ounce). She also drinks coffee milk.

Maybe it's a northern Michigan thing?









We're wine drinkers. Our kids have both tasted wine. Heck, our kids have been to most of the vineyards for wine tastings with us. We don't really like beer and we don't have any hard liquor around the house because well, we really don't know how to actually "make" grown up drinks. I had one martini at my neighbor's a couple of months ago and felt like I needed to nap for a month.









We've already had discussions with the kids about the, "Too Much-es" and included alcohol in them. Too much candy, junk food, Tylenol, alcohol, Diet Coke, whatever...


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## averlee (Apr 10, 2009)

I decided while I was pregnant, the only way I would be able to be a decent parent, was to be myself. Changing into a totally new different person was just not something I was interested in! This means, what I do, I do with/in front of my daughter. I might have a drink, even a cigarrette, in my child's view...hey, this is me. I'm good enough the way I am.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

I'd far rather my kids see me have a glass of wine than a glass of soda.


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

I think modeling responsible behavior in regards to alcohol is a good thing. I'm another whose parents allowed us kids a few sips of whatever they were drinking so alcohol was never a big deal to me. Obviously that won't work for everyone. But I do believe that along with the good relationship I had with my folks and the discussions we had about handling alcohol responsibly went a long way to shaping my behavior.

Of course getting plastered in front of your kids isn't ok.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kristydi* 
i think modeling responsible behavior in regards to alcohol is a good thing. I'm another whose parents allowed us kids a few sips of whatever they were drinking so alcohol was never a big deal to me. Obviously that won't work for everyone. But i do believe that along with the good relationship i had with my folks and the discussions we had about handling alcohol responsibly went a long way to shaping my behavior.

Of course getting plastered in front of your kids isn't ok.


ita.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

I would feel worse about hiding it. That makes it seem more like a dirty secret when/if they "discover" you drinking.

We have dealt with family issues of alcoholism, and DD can be a little anti-drinking activist. Of course, she doesn't like it when she sees people smoking cigs either, but she's a kid; she doesn't make grown up decisions.

So if I want a glass of wine, I have one. She will inevitably lecture me (it's kind of pesky actually), but I just explain, I'm a grown up and a glass of wine is okay with me. I do think it's good for her to see "positive" drinking behavior since she's overheard so many alcoholism related conversations (not really from me, but her gma sure cannot stop going on about Alanon and AA). Also, modeling that I make my own decisions, thank you--I don't need a 5yr old or anyone else to make them for me.

I've explained it like an allergy---some people are "allergic" to alcohol and it can be very bad for them, but most people are not, so it's not going to hurt anyone if a grownup has a grownup drink sometimes. She seems to understand this as she grasps the concept of allergies and/or abstaining from a food or drink (we're vegetarian).

I think in general that it's perfectly fine for kids to observe moderate alcohol consumption--not alcohol abuse, which is a whole 'nother ballgame.


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## Beene (May 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carolyn R* 
is this appropriate? I think it is, if explained properly to the kids, but I know some parents that never ever have a drink/alcohol in front of their child. Help me think this one through!

I am also from Eastern Europe, so you know which way I swing on this...
I will caution against drunkenness in front of children, but some of my best childhood memories are dancing around the living room with my mom's happy and tipsy pals and them playing guitar and singing while having a drink. I think it's repression that most often creates unhealthy attitudes towards alcohol/sex/whatever. If you do it responsibly you are only teaching your children to do it responsibly. Party on!


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer3141* 
Maybe it's a northern Michigan thing?









We're wine drinkers. Our kids have both tasted wine. Heck, our kids have been to most of the vineyards for wine tastings with us. We don't really like beer and we don't have any hard liquor around the house because well, we really don't know how to actually "make" grown up drinks. I had one martini at my neighbor's a couple of months ago and felt like I needed to nap for a month.









We've already had discussions with the kids about the, "Too Much-es" and included alcohol in them. Too much candy, junk food, Tylenol, alcohol, Diet Coke, whatever...

Dd has been to all of the Leelenau vineyards so many times that she knows which ones have which snacks.....


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yooper* 
Dd has been to all of the Leelenau vineyards so many times that she knows which ones have which snacks.....

Well, you've got to drive right past my house to get to all of them so next time, I expect you to stop and drop off the season's favorite!


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Porcelain Interior* 
Yes. It is scary, especially as a child. As an adult I have a physical/mental reaction to it, and it's a very negative one.

People becoming huggy that normally aren't. Using a sing song voice, or suddenly becoming a comedian, when normally the person is very reserved.

Everyone laughs about these things like it's no big deal, but to some and especially children it's frightening.

I remember my dad falling off the bed and hearing the loud noise and seeing the ends of his feet through my parents bedroom doorway (which was off the living room) and my older sister and my mom laughing, while I was crying because I thought he was hurt. They said, "Hahaha he's drunk!"

That probably went OT, but there is such a fine line between handling your liquor and not. I think many under estimate how they appear and function while mildly intoxicated. How you "feel" is meaningless and can't really be trusted. Most driver's pulled over for DUI right around .08 would tell you they are 100% A okay, and are angry that you can get pulled over at that level of intoxication (which most can barely feel).

There are SO MANY alcoholics, functioning and not in the world I don't think drinking gets taken as seriously as it should.

you mean theres someone else who agrees with me!?!?


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as you are being responsible and not getting drunk.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

I think having a drink in front of your kids is perfectly fine.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
I'd far rather my kids see me have a glass of wine than a glass of soda.

Ha. Me, too. Soda is really a dirty word in our house.

Whereas the kids see me have a glass of wine with dinner regularly (and get their own tiny glass with a thimbul-full for Shabbat on Fridays).


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## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yooper* 
Yep! It is a rare night that I do not have a glass of wine or a good beer while cooking dinner. Often that is followed by another later in the evening. I see no problem with it. Dd, who is 6, occasionally has a tiny glass of wine with dinner too (like maybe an ounce). She also drinks coffee milk.

us too. i allow dd and ds to sample *almost* anything i'm drinking. dd has coffee milk everytime we make coffee too.

i feel it's a healthy way to model alcohol consumption. dd and ds have their own little tiny glasses. i feel i'm teaching them that alcohol is not anything to make a big deal about.

hiding alcohol consumption from your children sends a bad message, imo. there is nothing wrong with responsible drinking. for many thousands of years wine and beer were medicinal and safer to drink than the water supply.

also, herbal medicines were usually extracted in spirits.

used in moderation, alcohol can be very healing.

i would rather my kids see me drink a glass of wine/beer or two, than to pop a xanax or other prescription drug when i'm stressed or have had a bad day.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
I'd far rather my kids see me have a glass of wine than a glass of soda.
















:

and what about sugar? sugar is virtually THE most addicting substance on the planet. in studies, rats would rather eat sugar than cocaine or heroin!

many recovering drug addicts and alcoholics just trade their drug/alcohol addiction for coffee and sugar. what kind of message does that send about the power of caffeine and sugar?


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

I think it depends on the context.

Drinking to ease a stressful situation, calm down, etc. I wouldn't want to model that.

But my parents regularly had beer or wine with suppers, and let us taste sometimes. We all thought beer was awful, but there was a particular portugese rose wine that we would *beg* them to buy so we could taste it.







I never saw my parents drunk or even tipsy. My sibs and I eventually graduated to the occasional glass of wine at supper in our late teens, but none of us ever went beyond that. Two of us are teetotalers now, actually.


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## LilacMama (Aug 18, 2008)

My parents also drank responsibly in front of us on a regular basis and we were allowed to taste the drinks. I always hated beer and wine when I was a kid. It never held an allure for us. Now my husband and I enjoy a glass of wine most days of the week. I think being secretive about it is a really bad idea. Drink it responsibly or just don't drink at all.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *craft_media_hero* 
I would feel worse about hiding it. That makes it seem more like a dirty secret when/if they "discover" you drinking.

This. Modelling secretive drinking is a very bad idea IMO


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I read somewhere that the people who are at most risk of becoming alcoholics are, not surprisingly, children of alcoholics. The next most at risk group, however, are children of teetotalers. Neither group saw responsible drinking modeled. Note that most children of alcoholics don't become alcoholic. Most children of teetotalers don't either. This is just a trend.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JMJ* 
I think that it is appropriate to model what you believe to be appropriate behaviors involving alcohol.









Kids learn a LOT by observing our behaviors. If we tell them not to drink but drink irresponsibly, then that's not good. If we never drink ourselves, then not introducing alcohol is fine. If we drink occasionally, then it's really important to model that behavior.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
hmmm ... what is the difference between alcohol and coffee? i mean can our children tell? are we putting thoughts into their head? by our behaviour?

how can they even tell?

so anything that changes our behaviour is not a good thing in front of our children.

Well, when I drink, it doesn't change my behavior. I drink beer and wine because I LIKE how it tastes, and it goes well with certain foods. I detest hard alcohol. So, I don't drink it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
what do you do if they wanna taste? do you let them. even at 2?

I did not, for the same reason I don't let my kids taste my caffeinated drinks. When they are 10-12, I let them have a sip. When they hit 16 or so, I'll let them have watered down wine, if they want, at festive dinners.

It will be clear that this is a taste only, and that drinking outside the home is really, really stupid. I'll explain why: Younger bodies metabolize alcohol differently, it can put you in situations where your judgment is clouded, it can lead you to do things you later regret or that might hurt people.


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## honey-lilac (Jun 30, 2009)

I think it's important to model responsible drinking for your kids. For this I am sad that we can't have any alcohol in the house because of DH's past problems with it. We have a zero alcohol policy here and it kind of sucks because I wish I could just show our children that it's possible to have a drink or two without drinking to get DRUNK. The whole "let's get drunk" thing is something I've seen way too much of amongst my peers - I find it absolutely odd that people drink to get drunk. That's like saying "I want to eat so much that I throw up, YEAH!" - I mean, really??


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

I guess I'm in the extreme minority here, because my kids have seen me and DH tipsy a handful of times. Not falling down drunk, mind you....but feeling good after a few drinks. They don't seem to be bothered by it. They've seen other family members drunk (at family parties and such) to the point where there are personality changes, and that did bother them....but that bothered all of us because those people become UA violations when they drink too much.

My 17yo DS has absolutely no interest in alcohol of any sort. The 14yo has a couple of ounces of wine with dinner when we have it, which is maybe once or twice a month. He's a foodie and likes to see how food and wine pair up. He doesn't care much for beer, and we don't have liquor in the house because we don't drink much of it.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

There are 2 things my DH and I deny our DD: coffee and alcohol. She knows they are for adults and will continue to see us use these substances wisely.


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a drink while my son is around.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
I guess I'm in the extreme minority here, because my kids have seen me and DH tipsy a handful of times.

DD1 and ds2 have seen dd tipsy a couple of times. They've never seen me have more than one drink, because I've been chronically pregnant over the last few years. In general, they don't see dh have more than one or two beer, either.

DS1 has seen a couple of parties with some fairly heavy drinking, but it didn't seem to have any negative effect on him. Actually, I think seeing the contrast between normal, responsible drinking and the way people behaved when they were really drunk was good for him. He's still only 16, but still seems to have a really balanced view of drinking. It doesn't really interest him very much, though...and he hates the way most of it tastes.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer3141* 
Well, you've got to drive right past my house to get to all of them so next time, I expect you to stop and drop off the season's favorite!









I will be sure to PM you next time we are going that way







We are very disappointed Mawby stopped making Redd this year







That was my favorite....


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

Is it a bad sign that my dd wants to be a vintner when she grows up?


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## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flower01* 
There are 2 things my DH and I deny our DD: coffee and alcohol. She knows they are for adults and will continue to see us use these substances wisely.









Although my kids have tried coffee and don't like it. We tell our kids that alcohol is for adults, just like other things that are only for people older than they are (like driving a car, voting, etc)

I think there's a difference in your child seeing you have a glass of wine or beer versus having them see you getting drunk, acting strange, getting sick, etc.


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## Beckamomof4 (Apr 15, 2007)

I have been having wine with dinner since I was about...6? I grew up with Italian grandparents who happened to own a bar. There was alcohol all over my house...but I never had the urge to sneak it, and I firmly believe that it was because I saw them drink responsibly, and I was allowed to try sips (I found out very early bloody marys are gross, lol, sorry for anyone who likes them!)

I also went to the bar with my grandfather on weekends when he would clean, a
so I guess I can say I grew up in a bar lol.

(Might be why I am picky with my alcohol as well!) I was also one of the few of my friends in high school and college, who had no interest in in getting drunk behind our parents back. I could just go home and ask for something!

The one thing I will NEVER do, is allow another child to touch alcohol in my house.

I do let the kids (well not the 2 yr old) have sips here and there, but nether of them are interested in those glasses I used to have at their age lol.


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

yep! i drink in front of my kiddo and whatever kiddo might happen to be around. even if other people think it is not cool to drink booze - ever, or just in front of kids, i personally feel that even if people don't choose to drink themselves, it is not going to hurt anyone to realize that one can choose to drink responsibly and not in excess.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Drinking in front of children gives them the impression that drinking is OK. Since I happen to agree that drinking alcohol is perfectly fine, I have no qualms about drinking in front of children of any age. I even offer them some.

Keep in mind, nobody is getting drunk. I'll have maybe half a glass of wine once or twice a week. I limit the kids to one glass each. DS limits himself to one sip, if he wants any at all.

I was raised pretty much the same way. My dad often had a drink with or after dinner, and offered us tastes. We didn't have wine all that often- but when we did, I was allowed about half a glassful. It was never anything "forbidden" growing up.

I did get drunk a couple of times during high school parties, but the novelty wore off VERY quickly. I've never seen any true purpose in drinking to get drunk. I drink to enjoy the flavor of the drink- and how can you enjoy it if you drink yourself sick?


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

whoops. double post.


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

I am happy for my kids to see us have a beer or glass of wine. I actually think it is a very good thing to see that it's a normal drink, had for enjoyment, once in a while, and not excessively consumed. I would much rather them grow up thinking nothing of it, than to be utterly restricted and think it's totally off limits, and then go crazy and party when they get older. They know it's a grown up drink.

I agree with the pp, I'd much rather them see me modeling having a nice glass of wine, than soda and junk food!


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 







my almost 7 year old cant imagine why anyone in their right mind would drink beer. on the flip side she cant understand why everyone does not drink scotch. its the scottish in her i guess.

it's *butter*scotch, I'll bet.









(Thats the 7 yr old in me.







)


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
Well, when I drink, it doesn't change my behavior. I drink beer and wine because I LIKE how it tastes, and it goes well with certain foods. I detest hard alcohol. So, I don't drink it.

I did not, for the same reason I don't let my kids taste my caffeinated drinks. When they are 10-12, I let them have a sip. When they hit 16 or so, I'll let them have watered down wine, if they want, at festive dinners.

It will be clear that this is a taste only, and that drinking outside the home is really, really stupid. I'll explain why: Younger bodies metabolize alcohol differently, it can put you in situations where your judgment is clouded, it can lead you to do things you later regret or that might hurt people.

;lol i was debating how much to write in my previous reply because i didnt want to divert the discussion.

i dotn drink. ex does. social drinker. my dd has been curious about taste since she was 3 months old. we used to dip our fingers in and give her a lick. whatever it was. everything. she was that curious.

however i recall as a little girl my dad allowing my bro and me to take not only a taste of alcohol but also cigarettes. neither my bro or i became drinkers. in fact in our teenage years my dad didnt hold back when my bro was guzzling enough alcohol in the christmas party to be sick (obviously he ketp an eye on him, warned him but didnt stop him).







when he was sober, my bro couldnt believe that i had to help him pee as he was incapable of doing it himself. never ever touched a drop again. he and i were v. v. close.

i learnt a lot from my parents. and because of that i remember my bro and i never having the craving to really party when we got to the drinking age. for us it was so immature. we hung out with those who did it. but we just never got into it.

however i will say i reaaaaaaaaly wanted to smoke. i just loved how graceful women looked in their fur coat holding an extra long slim in their cigarette holder. i so wanted to be them. my english teacher with her inch long nails smoked and looked sooo graceful. oh how i tried. but that stuff was nasty. just could not get into it. i swear if smoking didnt taste so bad i would definitely have become a smoker.

see for me what's worst is as pp said the soda i drink once in a while. i ask my dd's help to help me with my addiction (its not really an addiction, but sometimes i crave it). i kicked it for all those years i was ttcing, pregnant and when i nursed when i had milk. what 5 years. and then i got back again.

i tell her how it can be a silent killer for me (diabetes in my genes). how just because something does not openly look dangerous some things can be worse than alcohol.

man she loves the role of helping me. she really enjoys discussing what i have eaten and drunk that day to see if i could drink a little bit of coke. she loves the autonomy.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
it's *butter*scotch, I'll bet.









(Thats the 7 yr old in me.







)









no!!! its really scotch she understands. she still gets a finger lick from her dad. she has become quite a coniossuer with whiskey. she can tell good from bad, smoked or hops. she's been curious about alcohol so we 'studied' alcohol. the process and history. plus whatever she has picked up from her dad talking to friends. he is a whiskey snob.

she HATES butterscotch.







loves black currant and pistachio raisin. also loves rainbow sherbet but doesnt eat it any more as it turns her poop different colours too.

she has also become a tea snob. she can tell when the water is boiled too much, or in the microwave. she can tell if it is orange pekoe or darjeeling.

odd kid.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

oh wow - what an impressive palette! Start planning to send her to France for the summer NOW for Sommilier school!







: (Prolly at 16 cause I dont think the french care nearly as much as we do about "underage drinking."







)

She is so FANCY. My 3 yr old would LURVE her.









I dont think one way or another about drinking. I think you shouldnt drink and drive. I dont think people who drink in front of their kids, and even get drunk (Not like FALL down-when you have a 3 yr old and a 19 mo old ut you know, happy) are doing damage...you can get drunker when they are older.







JK.

Likewise, I dont think people who choose not to are total squares.

Either way, there are tons of different kinds of people and not anyone is necessarily "right."

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 







no!!! its really scotch she understands. she still gets a finger lick from her dad. she has become quite a coniossuer with whiskey. she can tell good from bad, smoked or hops. she's been curious about alcohol so we 'studied' alcohol. the process and history. plus whatever she has picked up from her dad talking to friends. he is a whiskey snob.

she HATES butterscotch.







loves black currant and pistachio raisin. also loves rainbow sherbet but doesnt eat it any more as it turns her poop different colours too.

she has also become a tea snob. she can tell when the water is boiled too much, or in the microwave. she can tell if it is orange pekoe or darjeeling.

odd kid.


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

My mum is alcohol dependent, she has drunk in front of me and been drunk. When I went to live with her aged 18, she dragged me into it and I started drinking more than usual, often getting plastered with her. Anyway, after a few months I left but have been left with alcohol issues ever since.

However, these days, I drink responsibly and not often. The children see me drinking the odd beer or glass of wine, I have no problem with that. Its all about ding it responsibly and teaching your children to do the same. I can't have a drink every night other wise I start falling into my old habits and I don't want to pass that on, so, its moderation and responsibility.


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## LaLaLaLa (Oct 29, 2007)

Yep, I think it's totally fine. I'm a very occasional drinker, like six or so drinks a year, but when I do drink, I don't have a problem with my kids being present. I've never liked being out of control of myself, so I never get drunk, but I'll occasionally have a single drink. When we have wine at home, I let the kids take a sip if they want. But, like coffee (which I drink nearly every day) and soda (which I almost never drink), I've made it clear that alcohol is really an adult thing. I sometimes choose to share a sip, but I'm not going to pour my kids a glassful.

My parents were once out to dinner with my aunt and uncle and their son, who was probably about seven or eight at the time. My parents ordered a drink with their dinner, and my little cousin was horrified, going on and on about how he learned at school how BAD alcohol was, how it made you sick, and he couldn't believe my parents were drinking it..... I thought that was a little bit over the top as far as alcohol education goes. I think it's a better idea to make responsible drinking the norm, rather than have it be a terrible evil that's villainized or always hidden from kids.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *inkslinger* 
I think it's fine to have a drink or two - inappropriate to get plastered.

Haven't read past the first page, but I totally agree with that.


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## Quinalla (May 23, 2005)

I think showing responsible drinking to kids is a good thing all around. I mean, if you don't drink, then that's fine, but if you do it seems silly to hide that from your kids. Why not at least give them one example of being smart about drinking for them to draw from when it is their turn to make the choice to drink?


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 







no!!! its really scotch she understands. she still gets a finger lick from her dad. she has become quite a coniossuer with whiskey. she can tell good from bad, smoked or hops. she's been curious about alcohol so we 'studied' alcohol. the process and history. plus whatever she has picked up from her dad talking to friends. he is a whiskey snob.

odd kid.

This brought back warm and fuzzy memories of my dad and I when I was young. Only it was beer, not whiskey (thought he knows a lot about whiskey too, but he really does love trying new and different beers).

And in fact, when he was in town this past summer he had a new beer almost couple of days (there's a specialty store near the house when you can buy them in singles), and at one point he was explaining to my daughter (3.5) what a pilsener is.









Good times.

So yeah. We drink in the front of our kid and don't see anything wrong with it. In fact, DD has her own little collection of shot glasses (which if you think about it, are the perfect size for their little hands) and we put milk in for her when we have wine or something, and she loves, loves, loves saying "cheers" and clinking glasses.


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## Macnamara (Jan 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Beckamomof4* 
I was also one of the few of my friends in high school and college, who had no interest in in getting drunk behind our parents back. I could just go home and ask for something!

Exactly.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
How do you manage that out in the world? My dd had seen random strangers smoking and was asking about it very young.

Well, its more like the people in the family and visitors who smoke go out of their way to not be seen. Of course, the kids have probably seen strangers smoke when we're out. They haven't asked about it yet.


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

My theory with dd is that as long as I am real, open and honest with her then I am doing the very best by both of us. That includes drinking in front of her. I do not drink very much, maybe a glass of wine in a week, maybe none. Her dad has a beer every night and I think that's great, he works hard all day outside and likes to unwind with a beer. No problem with it at all.
As I sit here writing this, oddly enough, she just asked for a sip of my now cold coffee and I obliged, it's half caf. and she only took a miniscule amount. I have made her her own coffee, decaf is what we usually drink, with mostly milk, a little sweetner and a splash of coffee and she likes that on the odd morning, but never finishes it.

She has tasted wine, beer, scotch, balieys.....she liked them all, but never came back for more. She recognizes beer, wine, coffee and tea because we tell her the names of everything.

When she is older if she wants a tumbler of wine I would give it to her. I see nothing wrong with that and see it as a parents choice.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
How do you manage that out in the world? My dd had seen random strangers smoking and was asking about it very young.

mamazee my dd has seen neighbours strangers smoking from v. young. in fact dd used to smoke herself at 3. all straws turned into cigarettes. i didnt encourage it or condone it.

at 5 they did the no drugs education thing at school. and then her dad talked to her about the evils of smoking. now its a no brainer for her that smoking is bad for you.

actually i think what had quite an effect on her was when she went to see the body exhibitions when she was 5. she BEGGED to go. and she saw a smokers lung. i still remember the shocked look on her face. she talked about that with a nurse for half an hour at that exhibition.


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## monkey-lamb (Jun 4, 2009)

I think it is okay to drink in moderation in front of kids. I think if you make alcohol too taboo then it will just peek their interest even more.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
This brought back warm and fuzzy memories of my dad and I when I was young. Only it was beer, not whiskey (thought he knows a lot about whiskey too, but he really does love trying new and different beers).

That's dh, too. He sometimes goes to buy a beer, and can't find anything he hasn't had before, so he doesn't bother. My dad was an alcoholic, and my family all drink cheap beer, so I was quite taken aback when I found out I'd fallen for a "beer snob". He also like scotch, but is, if anything, even more picky about it.

The whole thing makes me laugh, because beer and whiskey are probably my least favourite alcoholic drinks.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

I only drink the occasional glass of wine, and hubby has the occasional beer.

It's absolutely harmless. No question about it.


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## Areia (Mar 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sailor* 
I don't really see the big deal in kids seeing adults drinking responsibly. This is done pretty much everywhere in Europe. Almost every single family in Europe drinks wine with dinner. In front of the kids (obviously, as they're at the dinner table too).









:

My parents are from Europe as well and always had wine with their meals. When we were about 7 or 8 years old, we'd get ginger ale with a splash or two of wine in it and by the time I was 16, I was drinking wine with dinner as well. We were taught how to drink responsibly and in moderation and none of us (including extended family) have ever had drinking problems. I was really surprised when I was a teenager and found that other people would lock their liquor cabinets or that some classmates would have drinking parties or binge. For us, alcohol was just a part of your meals, not something to "do".


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Areia* 







:

My parents are from Europe as well and always had wine with their meals. When we were about 7 or 8 years old, we'd get ginger ale with a splash or two of wine in it and by the time I was 16, I was drinking wine with dinner as well. We were taught how to drink responsibly and in moderation and none of us (including extended family) have ever had drinking problems. I was really surprised when I was a teenager and found that other people would lock their liquor cabinets or that some classmates would have drinking parties or binge. For us, alcohol was just a part of your meals, not something to "do".

but its something to "do" too, right? I mean, people in Europe get drunk for sport as well - I would think. Its just not as taboo. ???


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## Areia (Mar 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
but its something to "do" too, right? I mean, people in Europe get drunk for sport as well - I would think. Its just not as taboo. ???

Oh, I'm sure some do. I mean, I've seen people I know drunk before, but it's not a typical thing. I grew up in an immigrant enclave. When I was a teen, it was my American friends that would plan drinking parties where drinking or getting smashed seemed to be the main attraction. It happened a lot - at least a couple of times a month. It would never occurred to me to just go somewhere and just drink for the sake of getting drunk. Wine and alcohol was just a normal part of a social gathering - like food and music.


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## mummyofan (Jun 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momtokea* 
I spent a lot of time in Europe visiting grandparents when I was little. We had homemade wine for dinner every night. The kids were allowed to have a few sips if they wanted, but most of us hated it so chose not to have it.

Nobody was ever drunk from drinking wine at dinner time, and now I don't drink at all except for the very occasional glass of wine at a dinner party. I have let my kids have sips of wine and they don't like it. Likewise for cofffee.

When I was in highschool and the other kids said "Let's go drinking!!!" I thought "What's the big deal? I've been doing that all my life. I can go home and have wine tonight if I want to. But I don't want to." My sibling and my cousins who were raised the same way don't drink either.

I think you do more harm by hiding it.


mostly ditto ; I'm a uk citizen and I was brought up with a 'drinking' family - my philosophy is what they see teaches them. You want them to do stuff responsibly, then model that behaviour. That said, I don't smoke. Can't stand the smell, so I suppose that is something they'll have to decide themselves, but that's another discussion.
We have street parties frequently and everyone has children under 10. Everyone bar 1 person drinks, the children all see, but nobody gets slammed, at least not before bedtime, then I've only known 2 people to from the whole street.

Basically, yes, we drink in front of ours and allow smells or 'tastes' of them. Same with coffee and tea.
they're also allowed to sit in the driver's seat when the car is off....
They also play make believe...

moderation in everything, including moderation!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mummyofan* 
moderation in everything, including moderation!









That was my personal motto for a long time...


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

i think it is fine. My kids know what alcholol is and that a little makes you feel nice and a lot makes you stupid. thye know what caffien is and a little makes you feel better and a lot makes you crazy. they get that there are chemicals in food and drink that can be used to your benefit or abused to your regret.

I rarely drink in front of my kids but thats just because wine tastes better without whine in the back ground......







not because i think there is anything wrong with them seeing it. and I wouldn't even mind letting them have a little. but my xh might so I don't.


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

I role model responsible drinking in front of my kids at social events. Dh and I rarely drink in front of the kids otherwise, though not out of wanting to hide it. I firmly believe that hiding things like that turns it into some sort of perverted curiousity when they're older.

I'm also probably totally in the minority here as I'll offer my *older* teen wine with dinner (here in Canada the drinking age is 19) to normalize it for when the underage drinking thing happens (I'm not sticking my head in the sand and pretending it won't happen). I want to make it not that big a deal, and open up conversation about it. Moderation, moderation, and take the mystery out of it.

eta: my parents never drank because of spiritual reasons and we never had anything in the house, even to serve guests (they all knew the house was non-drinking). My older bro and I did dive into that culture once we were at uni , and we took it and ran with it.







I totally want to prevent that from happening with my kids.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cascadian* 

I'm also probably totally in the minority here as I'll offer my *older* teen wine with dinner (here in Canada the drinking age is 19) to normalize it for when the underage drinking thing happens (I'm not sticking my head in the sand and pretending it won't happen). I want to make it not that big a deal, and open up conversation about it. Moderation, moderation, and take the mystery out of it.


As our girls got into their later teens (age 16 or so), we started offering the occasional beer or wine glass. The stipulation was that if they did drink, they were staying home that night--no going out afterwards. We will offer Dylan the same privilege when he is old enough.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
As our girls got into their later teens (age 16 or so), we started offering the occasional beer or wine glass. The stipulation was that if they did drink, they were staying home that night--no going out afterwards. We will offer Dylan the same privilege when he is old enough.

I've been thinking of doing this with ds1. Mind you, considering how incredibly social he is, I doubt it will have much appeal, when weighed against hanging out with his friends.


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

DH will have a beer or mead poured in a glass with our boys around, at home or while camping. Our 3 year old helps us brew the mead, too. I don't like the mouth sensation of alcohol or the heat and dizziness it gives me with just a smallish mouthful so I only ever try tiny sips of tasty kinds.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

I think it's very responsible to model moderate alcohol consumption in front of children. Mine see me drink beer with meals occasionally, wine on holidays, a margarita when we go out to dinner, etc. They know the dangers of drinking too much (we witnessed a bad alcohol-related atv accident last summer, and my uncle was killed by a drunk driver years ago), but they also know that it's something that can be enjoyed responsibly.

Unless you have a good reason NOT to drink (ie: family history of alcoholism, liver disease, etc), I think demonstrating responsible use for your kids is healthy parenting.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

I'm trying to decide the best thing on this one. The two DSC who live with us have seen me have a drink or two before. BUT they've seen their mom drink enough that alcohol makes them nervous. I think occasionally drinking something in their presence should be ok, but I don't want to call to mind their biggest worries. For now, I'm sticking to drinking outside of the home.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

To what extent have you talked about alcohol with them? If they are having these worries then it might be a good idea to address them. Give them age appropriate information so they can grow up knowing that getting drunk isn't the normal or proper way to drink alcohol. In their situation I would think it can be very important for them to see that not everyone drinks in excess.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

I was thinking about this thread earlier as I read the invitation to a bday party we are going to this weekend for 2 year old twins, beer will be served. At ds' bday party two weeks ago (also turned 2) we had mimosas. At another friend's 2 year old party, they had a keg! (ds kept saying mama's beer, me water lol!)


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## HappiLeigh (Mar 30, 2005)

We just say that some drinks are only for grown-ups. The same applies to colas and coffee. I wouldn't want to make too big a deal with it, because to me it's not.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
To what extent have you talked about alcohol with them? If they are having these worries then it might be a good idea to address them. Give them age appropriate information so they can grow up knowing that getting drunk isn't the normal or proper way to drink alcohol. In their situation I would think it can be very important for them to see that not everyone drinks in excess.


You know, I haven't lately. I haven't had any alcohol in the house at all. I'm just not sure how to address it, so I'm avoiding it until I can think of the best way to do so. They've told me they've tried to hide the bottle from her, and they don't like it when mommy drinks from the white bottle. (she does have a pretty serious problem). So yeah. DH doesn't drink, so there's less exposure at our house, but, I know it's a topic that needs addressed.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carolyn R* 
is this appropriate? I think it is, if explained properly to the kids, but I know some parents that never ever have a drink/alcohol in front of their child. Help me think this one through!


This is a large issue for me now that my kids are 12, 14 and 15.

I think the main thing is that I am controlled when I drink. I do not get drunk or act stupid when I drink. I do not drive unless I stop drinking hours before driving. I really try to stay very measured.

Now recently, my kids have been around a great family friend who was drunk as a skunk. Her kids were telling her she was drunk. She began acting out and became an angry drunk, shouting the F word and basicallly screaming at everyone for about an hour. While I hate that my kids saw her out of control, I think it was a good lesson for them to see what alcohol can do.

This is something that I have been thinking about a lot.

My 15 ds expressed an interest to me that he wanted to know what it was like to have a buzz. I have beer in my fridge all the time - so I am trying to stay cognizant of the fact that he is getting to a new age and time in his life.

I guess bottom line, yes I drink in front of kids.


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## benj (Jun 4, 2009)

I don't drink alcohol...at all. But I don't think there is really anything wrong with drinking in front of kids.


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