# Do you have room for one more?



## ToothFairy (Apr 10, 2003)

I'll be joining you all very soon. We just got the news today that our baby (27 weeks gestation) does not have any kidneys or bladder. It has zero chance of living outside the womb. There is no apparent reason why this happens. It happens in one out of 3000 pregnancies. It is alive right now, but will not live no matter what. I don't think I can live with impending death for another three months, so dh and I are going to let them take the baby early. We have cried all day. This one is a boy. We already have two perfectly healthy beautiful girls. We were totally blindsided by this news. There is no history of birth defects in our families, there were no outward signs. There were no abnomalities in the triple screen test.
I spent most of the day with a perinatologist/fetal medicine doctor doing several tests and ultrasounds, but absolutely nothing would shake the diagnosis. Since the kidneys did not develop (not even renal arteries) the baby is not making amniotic fluid and it's lungs have not started developing either. There is no hope, just a very doomed baby. The worst part is that I'm so far along. I can feel him kicking and moving, and now I have to say goodbye. Tell me I will eventually be ok.


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## Hawkeyemama (Feb 8, 2005)

I'm so sorry you have to say goodbye to your dear child.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

You will eventually be okay.

It is the truth. Your road is hard, but you will survive.

I'm sorry your baby is soon to be lost, and you will be going through this.










Keri


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## Mama8 (Mar 6, 2006)

I am so sorry that your son has not developed the organs he needs to survive.







From one mama to another that has traveled down a similar path. Please feel free to PM me if you would like to talk at anytime.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Oh mama, I have tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.


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## gadivapeach72 (Dec 27, 2005)

just KNOW that you and your family are in my prayers!


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

toothfairy,
i am so sorry.
whether your baby is living on the outside or in, it is never easy to say good bye, it is always unfair, and i don't know if there is anything worse...

one thing above all, i have found that the love we have for our babies transcends the sadness of losing them, and provides steady comfort to help you through their leaving...

sending you much love and peace in the following days...

when you need to, it helps to talk about it. there is such a great group of women here who will listen and give you alot of support.
i am so sorry for what is happening.

ps
i counted the days my daughter lived inside me. 292 days. she didn't get to live on the outside, and letting go of all of those hopes and dreams was just as difficult as letting go of her. at some point, i realized that her life was not diminished by her short time with me- and her life was just about the best it could be when she lived- everything she needed, safety, and a world of love passing through my body to hers. i believe our babies can feel this love. it doesn't help when all you want is to be with them, but it helped me define her life not as something tragic, but as something important, & miraculous.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

Toothfairy I am so so sorry. What is your son's name?















& Yes, eventually the pain does get easier.


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## CrunchyMamaOf3 (Apr 7, 2006)

I'm sooo sorry Mama. I wish I had some wonderful advice full of wisdom but I don't. I'll light a candle for your little man and your family.
You'll be in my prayers tonight.


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

we lost a baby in a simular way about 5 years ago...it was very hard...the choosing of how and when to end the pregnancy was very difficult.

i was in my last semester of college at the time and could not handle being preg the whole time knowing that i would never get the baby....
so we decided to end it too.
i opted for trying 3 weeks worth of herbal abortives....(under hte guidence of a midwife)
and then set a date for an induction.
i actually gave birth tot he baby at home the night before my induction was scheduled.
it was hard and painful, but for me it was easier than doing it in the hospital.

our baby had hydrosephalys (i do not think i am spelling it right...it means water in the brain...our baby had a very bad case with almost no brain and all water)

i found out at 20 weeks and had him at 23 weeks.

it is such a hard road to travel...before that baby i had a m/c and since that baby i have gone on to have a healthy dd and this year a still born dd.

all of my losses are supposedly isolated exp and not connected.

i can tell you that every child comes to earth bringing gifts to the poeple whose lives they touch....and the gifts that my children (the ones who did not stay) have given have been beautiful spiritual and powerful.

i am so sorry
it helps to love your baby and name your baby and allow yourself to mourn outside of the judgement of others (what ever that means for you)


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I'm so sorry sweetie.


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## ToothFairy (Apr 10, 2003)

Well, things are not much easier today. But we have decided that we will be holding the baby until he passes. We will not have any lifesaving interventions, as it won't do any good in the long run. His name is Dalton James, which is exactly what we would have named him no matter what. Our daughters know, and they keep asking when the baby will go to heaven. I am scheduled for a c-section tomorrow afternoon, as we do not want to take any risks of rupture or losing my chances of trying again. He might live a couple of minutes or a few hours, there's no way to tell. But we will hold him and love him while he's here. We have lots of family and spiritual support, so hopefully that will help. DH and I just got home from choosing an urn and a remembrance bracelet that I will wear. I'm just glad that I can be included in those plans and not lying in the hospital while dh had to do it himself. I guess we will let the girls meet Dalton, as he is their brother. I'm afraid it will make them miss him more though. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers, we need them.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ToothFairy* 
Well, things are not much easier today. But we have decided that we will be holding the baby until he passes. We will not have any lifesaving interventions, as it won't do any good in the long run. His name is Dalton James, which is exactly what we would have named him no matter what. Our daughters know, and they keep asking when the baby will go to heaven. I am scheduled for a c-section tomorrow afternoon, as we do not want to take any risks of rupture or losing my chances of trying again. He might live a couple of minutes or a few hours, there's no way to tell. But we will hold him and love him while he's here. We have lots of family and spiritual support, so hopefully that will help. DH and I just got home from choosing an urn and a remembrance bracelet that I will wear. I'm just glad that I can be included in those plans and not lying in the hospital while dh had to do it himself. I guess we will let the girls meet Dalton, as he is their brother. I'm afraid it will make them miss him more though. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers, we need them.

















.Holding Alexis was the most rewarding experience for me. She looked like a little angel...sleeping...I am so grateful to have had that chance to hold her and tell her how special she is to our family. I will be thinking of you , your family and Dalton James.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

So, so sad for you tonight.

A good friend has told me that it does get easier, though my loss is still too fresh to have reached that point yet. I trust the mamas here who have forged this path for me to follow, and they say it gets easier . . . .it must.

Hold Dalton (beautiful name) and love him for always, though he will live on Earth only a short time, you'll have the time you share forever.

Sending you strength tonight.


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Just another mama here who is thinking and praying for you and your family and your sweet baby boy Dalton James. When you are ready we are here for you


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## krankedyann (May 28, 2005)

So sorry, mama. You're in my prayers.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I am so very sorry.







s I wanted to post this link in case you were interested http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/index.cfm

There are so many things I wish I would have known to do when my daughter was stillborn almost 3 yrs ago. I love all of the keepsakes we have, but wish we had more. I wish I would have bathed her, taken pictures of her ears and hands and feet. I have pictures, but not like I wanted. I wish I would have insisted that my mother go pick up my son so he could see his sister. He still cries for her sometimes, and he asks why he couldn't hold her. I wish I would have made casts of her hands and feet. Just little things thta I never thought of or imagined I was allowed to do. I just wanted to mention them, in case they were something that you might want to do to remember your little Dalton. I will be thinking of you and your family in the days ahead.








Dalton


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

Dalton is a beatuiful name. I will think of you & your family tomorrow. I wanted to tell you, having my kids hold their sister was the best thing we could have done. We got some amazing pictures with them together.(I wish I had known about professional services that are available for free in these situations. The link Shannon provided above.) I think it will be a good thing for your girls. We also held our dd for hours, and bathed her & took foot impressions & dressed her & just loved on her for as long as we could. I wanted to make memories, some serious imprints because I knew this was all that I had. I wish the same for you...many imprints for you to hold dear forever.







s







Dalton


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## Brisen (Apr 5, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you've had to make such a hard decision as well. Please be sure to take care of yourself & talk to other mamas here who have walked a similar road. And, just in case you need to hear it -- you made the right decision for your family. Please don't listen to anyone who might try to say/imply otherwise.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

*tears*

I'm so sorry, mama.














s It is a horrible thing to lose your child but I know you will survive. Hold Dalton as long as you want to and take lots of pictures. I hope that you came through your c-section well today. I am so sorry.


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## momma earthical (May 21, 2006)

so sorry mama.

thinking of you and your family with your sweet Dalton today.


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## NWmt_mama (Jul 22, 2005)

I am so, so sorry, mama.







Dalton is a beautiful name.







I hope you are recovering well after the csection.


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## Plady (Nov 20, 2001)

Oh mama,

I am so sorry you have to go through such heartbreak. I hope you take as much time as you possibly can with little Dalton so that you have each moment to remember as time goes on. I, too, wish I had spent more time with Wendy while her body was still with us. However, the gifts and blessings she has given us have been incredibly precious even though she never took a breath.
Today in Mexico is _Dia de los Angelitos_, the day when babies and children who have died can come back to visit their families so you know Dalton will stay close to you to share the love you have for each other.


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

Thinking of you and Dalton today, mama.







s

I hope you were able to spend a lot of time with him and that you will remember him and speak of him often and always think of him as a part of your family.

I have tried to pretend that my girls never happened, and that just made the pain so much worse. Please don't ever do that to yourself, your family, or the memory of your precious son.


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that everything went as you wanted and needed today. You and your family are in my thoughts.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I have been thinking of you & your family all day. I hope you find some peace. Heal Well Mama.


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## beckyphry (Sep 26, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss, sweetie. I hope everything went as ok as it could have gone today and that you had a few precious moments with your little boy.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Thinking of you and yours today mama.


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## Aeress (Jan 25, 2005)

What a beautiful name! Thinking of you!


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

dalton james


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## Mindi22 (Jun 28, 2005)

My heart breaks to read this thread. I'm so sorry for your situation, mama!

-Mindi


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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

You are in my prayers. I hope you are recovering well and will be home soon.


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## sunflowers (Sep 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *coralsmom* 
toothfairy,
at some point, i realized that her life was not diminished by her short time with me- and her life was just about the best it could be when she lived- everything she needed, safety, and a world of love passing through my body to hers. i believe our babies can feel this love. it doesn't help when all you want is to be with them, but it helped me define her life not as something tragic, but as something important, & miraculous.

This sentiment was what I held close when I lost my babes at 22w, and 20w.

It does get better, although it takes a long time, one day at a time.


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## Mearaina (May 3, 2005)




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## peacenlove (Apr 1, 2003)

thinking of you and your family today


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## PortraitPixie (Apr 21, 2005)




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## ToothFairy (Apr 10, 2003)

We have officially made it through the hardest days of our lives so far....I wanted to update you all. Our precious Dalton is in Heaven waiting for us now. He was incredibly beautiful, I couldn't take my eyes off him. Knowing he had to leave us no matter what, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day for him. Thank you so much for all of your support, we felt the prayers from all around as the strong arms of God held (and still hold) us close. Here is the letter I sent to all of our friends and family......

Dear Ones,

This may be new news to some of you......We have been in the hospital for
the last few days. We found out Monday that our precious baby would not be
able to survive outside the womb. We were at 27 weeks in the pregnancy. He
had never developed kidneys or bladder, not even renal arteries. Without
kidneys, he could not make amniotic fluid, and without the fluid, he could
not try to "breath" and develop lungs. He is in God's hands now, and we are
thankful for God's arms surrounding us this week to give us the strength to
see the positive things that have come out of this and for giving us the
courage to live each day as it comes.

So that being said, I wanted to let you all know that we are home now.

We just got home Saturday afternoon. Doing very well, physically, but have a
long road ahead in healing emotionally. I can't say enough wonderful things
about every person whom we came in contact with at the Women's Hospital.
They were all so very compassionate and considerate. All of the doctors and
nurses were certainly sent by God. We were also extremely thankful to have
Pastor Eddie (who married us) there to help support us spiritually. We truly
knew that God was with us.

J.D. and I are at peace about the whole event, and wouldn't have changed a
thing, given the circumstances. Dalton James was born by c-section at 4:41
pm on Wednesday, and weighed 2 lbs, 3 ounces. He cried a few times and even opened his eyes to look at his Mommy and Daddy briefly. He was 13 1/2 inches long. Everyone in the family got to hold him, love and kiss him and adore him that day. He was awarded his angel wings about two hours after he was born. He was snuggled to my chest until almost midnight when we said our final goodbye's and J.D. bravely escorted him to the Angel Room. I wanted to start healing the official next day (after midnight). We are very at peace with how everything transpired. We have a lot of family and spiritual
support. I just wanted to let you know that we are home and slowly healing.

We will not be holding an official service for Dalton. The atmosphere, the
family, and the presence of God was so perfect on Wednesday, we don't feel
the need for any more closure. It was truly perfect.

With love and peace,
Tamy and J.D. and Family

P.S. We know that many people will not know what to say, many will be
worried to ask us about Dalton or talk about him. It is ok though. Talking
about him helps us heal, even though it may bring up emotions, it's ok. We
are just so thankful to have wonderful friends and family to support us and
to lend open ears and open arms.


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## sarah73 (Jul 10, 2005)

im so sorry for your loss... may your beautiful boy spread his wings and fly... thinking of you and your family


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

tamy,
i am so relieved that you were able to have such a wonderful day spent with your son. it may sound wierd to some to describe that day as wonderful, but how could it not have been. meeting your child for the first time and showering them with all of your love, and being surrounded yourself with so much love and support... thank you so much for sharing his birth here.

the letter you wrote was perfect. you are an amazing woman, an amazing mom. much love to you.

i hope you can continue to come here when you need support.


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## peacenlove (Apr 1, 2003)

Tamy, thank you for sharing the story of your precious son, Dalton James. I wish you much peace and healing.
Kathleen


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## babycatcher01 (Nov 28, 2005)

I bet he was beautiful and glad to hear you had some time with him, prayers of peace and healing to your family.


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## fireshifter (Sep 2, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you were able to meet him and hold him while he passed away. Please hang in there and know that we all love you.

Jen


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## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

May Peace & Love Surround you.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

What a blessing, to have had Dalton James with you for even just a short while.

Wishing you peace in the days to come.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

*tears*
I think the letter was beautiful that you sent to your family. I am glad that you got to spend a couple hours holding your precious Dalton and that he opened his eyes to look at you!!







s Much peace and love to you, mama.








Dalton James


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