# LO will NOT be put down while "drowsy"



## dds07 (Apr 20, 2008)

Every book, article, mom, encourages this to help with sleep and I understand the philosophy behind it, but LO just totally refuses to be put down unless she is COMPLETELY asleep--limp limb type sleeping. Anything else and she is WIDE awake. So all of the advice for helping with sleep by putting them down while drowsy just doesn't work.

We co-sleep, breastfeed. DD is up every 1.5 hours all night long. She can get to sleep without nursing by holding her and bouncing around and walking. But no matter what, you can't put her down unless she is sound asleep...any advice??


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## natural_momma (Apr 13, 2006)

Yeah, the drowsy thing sounds great, but not every baby goes for it. DD1 wanted nothing to do w/being put down awake for a very long time. DD2 was a lot different and would drift off many times like that (but not always), starting at 2wks or so.

I would just keep trying, maybe swaddle her? And for night nursing, do you nurse side-lying? with my dd's I would nurse lying down and then when I felt them starting to fall asleep I would pop them off and say 'all done, night-night'. If she would fuss I would let her nurse again and repeat in a few minutes. After a while they got the hang of just popping off and drifting off after nursing. Much better rest for me. I found some of the suggestions in the No-Cry Sleep Solution very helpful w/dd1 especially, who sounds like your lo. Not sure if any of this was helpful, but I definately sympathize. I felt like something was wrong w/me for a long time b/c my baby didn't just go to sleep like she was 'supposed to'.


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## puddle (Aug 30, 2007)

Don't put her down until she's asleep, and be really thankful that she lets you put her down then.







Not every piece of advice works for every baby. If what you're doing is working for you, then stick with it. I can't put my dd down EVER when she's asleep or trying to fall asleep, but that's okay. She won't need me this way when she's 10.


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## dds07 (Apr 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *puddle* 
If what you're doing is working for you, then stick with it.

the problem is that it isn't working for me...I'm so sleep deprived and stressed as a result that I'm almost constantly sick. I will not CIO, but I want to gently encourage more sleep. The thing is I may not make it to age 10 without a breakdown if I keep running on 2 hours of sleep per night!

DD is 8mo.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

She'll get better as she gets older. Really, she will. She will not be 10 and still need to be held and bounced to sleep. For lots of sleep-resistant babies, 18 months is a turning point for sleep, for others it's 3 years.

If it's not working for you, change it. But realize that your baby is not a "by the book" baby - and you can't expect her to suddenly be OK with being laid down drowsy and "putting herself to sleep." But you can try other things - a rocker or glider, swaying side to side in a cross-cradle hold, white noise, nursing in bed, lying down, in a sling, whatever works for both of you.

At 8 months, a lot of babes will still only sleep "in arms."

I know it's hard, but stick with it. Find something that works better for you and still meets her needs.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Lots of babies won't tolerate the down while drowsy idea. Nice idea and all... and I'm sure it works for some babies out there... I personally haven't met one yet.

-Angela


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Some will, some won't, some can learn it. I think the majority will do it or learn it, but a substantial number can't.

8 months is a bad patch for sleep, Im sorry to tell you. Have you read the No-cry Sleep Solution and Sleepless in America?


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## cndnveggie (Jul 2, 2007)

DS (13mo) is the same way - I either nurse or rock him to sleep, and I can't put him down unless he's totally out, or he wakes up and starts crying. There have been a couple of time (like less than 10) where he's stopped nursing in the middle of the night and been awake and babbling, and since he's not crying we didn't do anything to get him to sleep, and he fell asleep on his own. DH and I were shocked - not sure why he's been able to do it those few times, but it gives me hope!

I'm so envious of people who can just put their babies down and they doze off on their own - actually, I'm usually in disbelief because the concept is so foreign to me! Oh well - I know he'll be able to fall asleep on his own eventually, hopefully before he's too heavy for me to rock to sleep!


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *puddle* 
Don't put her down until she's asleep, and be really thankful that she lets you put her down then.







Not every piece of advice works for every baby. If what you're doing is working for you, then stick with it. I can't put my dd down EVER when she's asleep or trying to fall asleep, but that's okay. She won't need me this way when she's 10.

yea that!!
my dd was like this too, i couldnt put her down unless she was sloppy asleep, and even then she'd wake up within a few minutes unless she was on me or her dad. until she was about 2.5 she wouldn't sleep longer than a couple hours in a row, never alone, and she wouldn't fall asleep without nursing. she nursed to sleep until she was 4.
she is 5-going-on-6 now, and is very independent, outgoing and confident. She also is a wonderful sleeper-after a story or two, she's asleep with a bit of back or foot rubbing, usually all night long, 9-12 hrs a night.
it goes by so fast, the first couple years. really, it does. just enjoy your baby and do whatever works


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dds07* 
the problem is that it isn't working for me...I'm so sleep deprived and stressed as a result that I'm almost constantly sick. I will not CIO, but I want to gently encourage more sleep. The thing is I may not make it to age 10 without a breakdown if I keep running on 2 hours of sleep per night!

DD is 8mo.

just read this after i posted-big hugs mama. i do know how you feel. im sorry it's rough right now, i promise it does get better. what saved me during those really sleepless times was that my dh would get up the morning with her and keep her busy while i slept, and bring her in to nurse when she wanted to. i could at least get a few hrs in that way. also, nap with the baby if you can. those two things plus the couple few hrs at night = enough sleep to feel nearly human until baby sleeps!


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

I personally think the idea of putting down a drowsy baby so she can learn to go to sleep by herself is total crap. (I'm not knocking you, just all of the parenting books that push this idea.)

It's completely normal for your baby to need to be limp limb asleep before you can move her.

It's completely normal for your BF co sleeping baby to want to nurse to sleep every time.

My DD was very high needs in the sleep area. She had to be touching me to stay asleep. She needed to nurse to sleep every time. I help that child for almost every nap until she was 2







. I remember those agonizing nights (that always seemed to come in batches of 2 weeks or so) when she would wake and need to nurse every 90 minutes or so.

What worked the best for me was to stop fighting her on this. We were both happier if I just held her and nursed. We were happier if I just relaxed and rested the best I could on the frequent waking nights, and then napped with her the next day.

Hang in there and be good to yourself. It will get easier.


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## Mamato2and2 (Apr 7, 2006)

None of mine have let me put them down until they were asleep...sometimes not even then!!

I don't have any advise just wanted to let you know I have been down that road! Hang in there...it will get better


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## attachedmamaof3 (Dec 2, 2006)

Do what works. It doesn't sound like this is.


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## Lia & Eva's Mama (Jul 10, 2007)

it takes over 2000 tries till baby "gets it" its like anything we try to teach our babies. it takes lots of time and patience patience patience.
with both of mine i repeated the nursing till drowsy than nite nite. it took many nights of trying, but eventually they fell asleep without my help. now i just lay them down and thats it.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lia & Eva's Mama* 
it takes over 2000 tries till baby "gets it" its like anything we try to teach our babies. it takes lots of time and patience patience patience.
with both of mine i repeated the nursing till drowsy than nite nite. it took many nights of trying, but eventually they fell asleep without my help. now i just lay them down and thats it.









at 200 tries, let's say one nap and night sleep a day.... They learn at about 2.5yrs. Just when my dd did without me trying









-Angela


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## Mommy2Haley (Oct 25, 2007)

nak

It hasn'tworked yet for DD yet and she's 13.5 months. It really depends on the temperament of the child and their development.


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## hipmummy (May 25, 2007)

I stopped trying when ds was 5 months old. It is either nurse himdown or no one sleeps. That whole put the baby down when drowsy is a croc of %&%( obviously the "people" who suggest have never had a baby. Duh

Also stop reading all of the articles that suggest it most mainstream parenting propaganda is garbage. Read mothering and chat here at MDC :smile we are user friendly.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

I kept working on this until he got it and I was so happy with myself. Guess what though - he STILL work 100 times a night. Only nightweaning worked. Right around a year I could sing him a song before I nursed him and that seemed to slow down the waking. then I fully nightweaned at 22 mo.


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

I don't know WHOSE baby would ever accept being put down drowsy. Not mine.


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## csdposse7 (Aug 18, 2007)

I have the same problem, I read in a magazine that if you put you hand lightly on their chest for a minute or so after you put them down this helps keep them asleep. I tried it and it does work unless they are not totally asleep. Good luck.


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## SheepNumber97245 (Apr 20, 2007)

Yeah my son won't be put down while he's drowsy either, and i don't know any other baby that will.

I remember reading a "cute" little chart in parenting mag that was a schedule of how to go about your day with your baby and at noon it said, "when your baby starts to get sleepy, lay her down in her crib to take a nap." I said, "HA!! Did the person who wrote this have children??"

Yeah... babies don't like being put down when they are almost asleep because they want to know that you are going to be there after they fall asleep. They don't want to be left alone while they're sleeping. Think about it, that's scary to a lil guy!


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## aprilv (Aug 31, 2007)

as with most things, this varies from baby to baby. some can go to sleep on their own (i know of 2, not my own, unfortuately). some can't. for a long time i thought that if some babies do it, then mine should and i figured i was doing something wrong. i felt so much more relaxed when i finally just accepted that every kid is different. some are easy in certain ways (like sleep) but all of them wonderful anyway!!

true, it is not easy when your lo won't go to sleep without crazy manuevers and all you can think about is the baby you know who goes down like nothing. i try to remember that it won't last forever!

to be honest, at 19 mos, going to sleep has recently gotten much easier. ds nurses, then rolls into his sidecar and goes to sleep (as long as i don't try to put him to bed before he's actually tired). he wakes up once during a 10 hour period. soooo much better than it was at a year or even 15 mos. so hang in there and it's not your fault!


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

It is a myth, as others have said.

I had two babies. One could be put down drowsy, the other couldn't. So I slept with her to get more sleep.


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## Dolphin (Apr 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 







at 200 tries, let's say one nap and night sleep a day.... They learn at about 2.5yrs. Just when my dd did without me trying









-Angela









and







- Same here. I have read that 2.5 is about average. Fwiw, my two are so completely different, but neither would/will fall asleep by being put down drowsy as babies.


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## PatchChild (Sep 1, 2006)

My ds is another that never tolerated the being laid down while drowsy thing. Maybe twice in his whole life. Oh well. Really, we learned to cope, both he and I, and learned to snuggle to sleep.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *csdposse7* 
I have the same problem, I read in a magazine that if you put you hand lightly on their chest for a minute or so after you put them down this helps keep them asleep. I tried it and it does work unless they are not totally asleep. Good luck.











Glad it worked for you. I'm sure it works for some babies. Not mine.

-Angela


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## miche28 (Sep 16, 2006)

Oh, mama, I can hear that you're feeling tired and worn out by the demands of the day and night!

It never did work for us: going from warm, soft with shushing of mama's heart to on their back and alone was not sleep-inducing







. Particularly when my disappearance for mere miliseconds constituted a national emergency... which it frequently did in the 7-to-18 month age (note that we are in the middle of this with DS).

This is a tough age - I did find that spending lots of the day in arms (in a sling, esp. for naps) seemed to buy us slightly longer stretches.

Can Dad step in to do some nightttime parenting so that you can get a little more rest?


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## Datura (Mar 18, 2005)

If it makes you feel any better, Dr. Sears recommends not putting them down until they're totally zonked. His philosophy is basically that yes, you wind up holding them tons when they're little. But when you look back, are you ever going to really regret holding your baby? (This is my mantra as my newborn is the same way, lol).


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## Mommy2Haley (Oct 25, 2007)

I wanted to share that every baby is different. My baby has never been one to be put down -- drowsy OR dead asleep. Either way she's immediately awake and wanting to be held. CAll her a monster if you want but she needs her Mommy and I'm happy to oblige (99% of the time). She'll only be little for so long so I better get my fill of cuddles in while I can.

On the other hand, my friend's daughter can be put down AWAKE and sleep for 12 hours -- and has done so since 8 weeks old. At 13 months I'm ecstatic for 3 straight hours


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## DaytonsMom (Aug 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *puddle* 
Don't put her down until she's asleep, and be really thankful that she lets you put her down then.







Not every piece of advice works for every baby. If what you're doing is working for you, then stick with it. I can't put my dd down EVER when she's asleep or trying to fall asleep, but that's okay. She won't need me this way when she's 10.

I haven't read the other posts but...

This is totally Ds!! He's 14 months now and sometimes I can sneak out of the room after he's nursed to sleep! But there are times that he just needs me there! But this too shall pass! ds has been high needs from the start so this little break i'm getting now is heaven!! =) But it also helped me to rest more, because i had to sleep with him! i guess that's the silver lining


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## Kerr096 (May 3, 2008)

My daughter is 9 1/2 months old. I nurse her to sleep every night. I put her in the pack and play next to me totally zonked. She does end up in bed with us half way through the night. She wakes up several times during the night. One night we put her in her crib and she lasted 3 minutes. I gave up on the book methods. Hubby does get up with her during the night at times. The extra sleep in the morning time works well with us. DH will take her down stairs to play about 5 am when he is getting ready for work. I usually get a extra 2 hours in then.

The pediatrician said most babies are like this and she will figure out how to sleep on her own eventually. The ped also said it is ok to nurse the baby to sleep and put her down totally asleep. Most babies need their parents that is why they always wake up.

Good luck with the sleep deprivation. Also my daughter does not nap but I wear her in a mei tei during the day so I find she usually has several "calm" times through out the day.


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## nighten (Oct 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Lots of babies won't tolerate the down while drowsy idea. Nice idea and all... and I'm sure it works for some babies out there... I personally haven't met one yet.

-Angela

Yep!

My mom insisted I would only fall asleep after she'd laid me down, but other than her claims about me as a babe, I've yet to meet anyone whose babe willingly fell asleep on her own in the bed/crib.

I still nurse my toddler to sleep in the glider before putting her down. She jumps up and wails otherwise.

At one point I too gave in to the pressure from the books out there saying it's better to help them learn to fall asleep on their own (no CIO though, obviously), then after a couple nights of wanting to pull my hair out, I said forget it, and went back to nursing to sleep.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. There's nothing in the world wrong with an infant, older baby, or toddler even, needing to nurse to sleep. Breastmilk has relaxants in it. It's also a comfort, for sure. I wouldn't listen to the "experts" on this one. Listen to your gut. If putting down the baby when drowsy isn't working, go back to nursing to sleep.

It's not like your LO will always need this. But for now, there's nothing at all wrong with it.


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## GearGirl (Mar 16, 2005)

My 5 year old won't go down drowsy , LOL. Forget abut the baby, I couldn't even move him if he were totally out. I have to nurse him until he is completely asleep, and then I move back a little so he isn't pressed against me, and this creates the need to nurse him back to sleep, and I try to be lying in a way that he is now only in contact with the boob, and then I slowly have to pry that out and hope for the best, and creep out of the bed. Yup, it is crazy!


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dds07* 
Every book, article, mom, encourages this to help with sleep and I understand the philosophy behind it, but LO just totally refuses to be put down unless she is COMPLETELY asleep--limp limb type sleeping. Anything else and she is WIDE awake. So all of the advice for helping with sleep by putting them down while drowsy just doesn't work.

I'm jealous that your LO will go down when limp-limb asleep. DD will too, but usually wakes up within 30 minutes. She's 8.5 months and the only way we have been able to get her to sleep consistently is for me to rock her to sleep (limp-limb) and then lay down WITH her and stay that way for the rest of the night.

We're just now trying to have her sleep in her crib for the first stretch of the evening, and she's been down 20 minutes - I'm hoping for an hour...

A few weeks ago, she woke up within a couple of minutes...


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## gopalakrishna (Mar 19, 2008)

My LO is six months and is the same way. I mostly have to nurse him to sleep, but we co-sleep so I just roll away and leave him on the bed to sleep. (Hmmm...I guess that is going to change soon, once he starts crawling) I read the No Cry Sleep Solution and tried some of the ideas in the book. Normally he will not go down "drowsy" like even this book recommends, but there are nights when he is SO tired and he refuses to go down nursing. What we did is play a white noise CD (vacuum cleaner track) quite loudly, and DH and I took turns lying next to him. He fussed/cried a little but we were right there next to him the whole time, he prefers when our face is right up next to his, and eventually he settled and he fell asleep on his own(well not so much on his own...but at least without a boob in his mouth







) So...I guess my advice would be to try a white noise CD and lying next to him and maybe, just maybe, he will drift off.


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## Oliverbsmom (Apr 16, 2008)

I've never been able to put DS down while drowsy. He is almost 1 and just in the last couple of weeks have I been able to transfer him to our bed during nap time. This is ofcourse after he's been sleeping for awhile and I lay down with him to ensure he continues to sleep, then sneak away. But it definately is progress. I don't think the idea of putting babies down while drowsy applies to many...maybe some.

I have just tried to adjust and think that it will pass, this is a short period of time in the big scheme of things. I'm sure one day DS will sleep all on his own, but for now he still needs to be parented to sleep....and I am all for it!


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## mumsy07 (Nov 27, 2007)

I've always wanted to be able to put my DD (11 months old) down while still drowsy, kind of like I'd love to have Mary Poppins' ability to clean up the room just by nodding my head
















When she was younger I could put her, drowsy, into her swing chair w/ the hair dryer going nearby and she'd fall asleep. But those days are long gone. She falls asleep either nursing or in the Ergo.


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## aschmied (Apr 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nighten* 
Yep!

My mom insisted I would only fall asleep after she'd laid me down, but other than her claims about me as a babe, I've yet to meet anyone whose babe willingly fell asleep on her own in the bed/crib.

I know one! Weirdest thing I saw. Daddy was holding her and she was fussing away. He said "Nap time, hmm?", put her in the stroller, and she settled down, and 6 minutes later went to sleep. He said that she CAN go to sleep being held, but would prefer not to.

Not my kids though!


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## sweetpeppers (Dec 19, 2007)

yeah, following that advice made me crazy, then I gave up on that baby whispering sh*t, and we're much happier and get way more sleep.


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## stacyann21 (Oct 21, 2006)

I have never put DS down awake. He would just start screaming. I honestly don't understand that at all, maybe my kid is just high-maintenance? He nurses to sleep for naps and at bedtime. It only takes a few minutes and then I crawl away and go about my business (we co-sleep on a large mattress on the floor). What's so terrible about that? He used to wake frequently at night too but it's been better lately. He's a skinny little guy and I will not deny him food just because it's night time. Besides, it's really not that difficult to roll over, plop a boob out and fall back asleep LOL.


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## PPK (Feb 15, 2007)

I haven't read all the posts, but FWIW, I did the NCSS from around 4-5 months, with some success. At around 7 months I tried to put ds into the pack n play. I found that trying when he's tired but not drowsy worked best.

I put him into it during the day to play for a bit each day to get him to feel good in it. Then one night I swaddled him as usual, nursed lying down, and after 5-10 minutes and he finished, I put him in it and turned on a musical aquarium thingy we got as a gift. He loves it, and the first time putting him down like that was the first time we used it. He kept watching it while I rubbed his back. It took about 15 minutes (?) till he fell asleep, but never cried...just curious and looked around alot. This is still our pattern 2.5 months later. But I definately couldn't do it while he's drowsy...tired, yes, drowsy, no way.


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## stickywicket67 (Jan 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetpeppers* 
yeah, following that advice made me crazy, then I gave up on that baby whispering sh*t, and we're much happier and get way more sleep.











i have a non napping night waking boobaholic over here. at night we co sleep and do side laying nursing.

in the morning he naps on my lap on and off the boob for about 1.5 hours.

for his afternoon nap he'll let daddy sing and bounce him to sleep and then he can be put down- but only on our bed which is scary because he crawls. dh checks on him every 20 minutes or so and will lay nest to him if he rouses.

we are going to try the pack and play next week for those naps (i'm too scared of him falling of the bed). i've tried putting him down in there when he is limp limbed and he is instantly awake.







-maybe it'll work for my dh.

in the meantime, i've made peace (pretty much) with not getting a whole heck of alot done in the morning while ds takes his nap on my lap. i just come on MDC and nak mostly. or pay bills. or surf the web.

for the sleep deprivation at night i take B-vitamins and a magnesium supplement. i get a massage every 3 weeks or so and once a month i get a pedi (mostly for the foot massage and the mindlessness). i eat well and have a little dark chocolate therapy every day. i've found it's easier and less stressful to pamper myself a bit than to try and change who my ds is. this won't be forever- just like every other part of babyhood.


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## Eben'sMama (Jun 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Lots of babies won't tolerate the down while drowsy idea. Nice idea and all... and I'm sure it works for some babies out there... I personally haven't met one yet.

-Angela









:







: Totally. BTDT-twice so far!


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