# I'm sitting here in tears..........



## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

I just can't seem to manage anymore. I had to walk away from baby because I'd tried for something like the 4th or 5th time to put her down for a nap, but as soon as I try to either put her down (in the crib) or get up (from the bed) she wakes up crying. I have two other children to take care of and I can't just spend all my time laying around nursing. My toddler is crying because she wants a nap and I just can't stand the thought of her latching on to me....I'm so sick of nursing both of them, I want to scream. Ds is watching yet another movie because I"m just too tired and frustrated to read stories, or clean or cook or anything. I hit the bed, I threw a pillow, I just can't do this anymore. I'm so sad and tired and frustrated and exhausted and sad, sad, sad....and I'm pissed at dh for being away (how fair is that?) and I'm sick of the rain and I'm tired of bleeding like a pig and, and, and, and, and............................

I'm just finished. And no break in sight, somehow, someway, I need to find the strength to get through this day and every day for the next few weeks...................................Please, someone, tell me how to do this.


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## P-chan (Jan 23, 2004)

I have no advice, just wanted to let you know that someone read your message and is thinking about you. Big hugs for you and your little ones.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

I'm so so sorry. I've been there and it is so miserable and scary. Just keep reminding yourself, it will pass.

Would Baby be happy in a backpack? When ds2 is grumpy/tired but won't nap, I just put him in the pack and he spends lots of time happily hanging out. Sometimes, even falls asleep.
I know what you're "supposed" to do for naps, but it doesn't work for us. Like you, I simply can't spend that much time in bed. If I'm desperate, we go for a short car drive until I can transfer sleeping kids back inside.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Maybe you need to get out the house mama, I know sometimes just getting OUt will do me a world of good. I'm sure someone will be able to help you better but in the mean time go for a walk ro to the park or something. Give your mind a chance to wander.


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

oooohhhh.....


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## China white (Mar 29, 2004)

I don't have alot of advice for you, but I just had to respond. I'm sorry things are so overwhelming right now. I'm not sure how old your babe is, but if you said you're bleeding, I'm guessing a fairly new arrival. The post-partum period can be soooo tough when you have other children to look after! (Like _that's_ a startling revelation......)
Are there any young girls (early teen) that you know who may be able to come over after school to help out with the little ones? Do you have a family member (in-laws , or even a good friend) who would be willing to prepare some meals for you so you don't have to cook for a while? If you do, PLEASE don't be embarassed to ask for help - most family or friends are HAPPY to do something, but sometimes are not sure how to help.
If these options are not available to you.........what about (just for today) setting up a 'nursing camp' on the living room floor, where you have everything you need handy (snacks that are easy, juice/water, books and toys, diaper supplies, pillows and blankets, etc) all within your reach, so you can spend the day reading stories, blowing bubbles, resting, and not stressing about things _too_ much. I know this is not a solution, as it sounds like your husband will be away for some time, but if you can't get outside because if the rain......hopefully the rain stops soon, so you can get outside.
I wish I had something more constructive to add.........you _will_ make it through today, and if you need to walk away from your littles ones for a few minutes to clear your head, don't feel bad.....we all need to do that occasionally.
Strength to you, Mama.

China white.


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## JoshuasMommy (Feb 19, 2004)

Hang in there Mamma. I wish I could come over and help you...


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## onlyboys (Feb 12, 2004)

to you!


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## Welovedante (Dec 18, 2003)

oh dear! *hugs* Is it possible that the postpartum blues have hit particularly hard? Many of my mom friends (and I) have felt exactly like this, prior to starting meds... I hope you can find someone to talk to, at the very least (in person, not just via the web).

Heidi


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## Jish (Dec 12, 2001)

Do you have a sling? That would allow you to be able to nurse while doing other things at the same time. My third child is now 10 weeks old so I can sympathize, but I get a lot of help from my dh who goes into work very early so he can get home at 3:30pm.

Perhaps you can all take a big group nap. Bring sleeping bags into your room, or all (safely) sleep in your bed.

Hopefully this is just the baby blues and it will pass, but if it doesn't, there is a self check questionaire on the PPD board. It is stickied at the top. It will give you a good idea as to whether you need to seek help.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

You are still bleeding? You need some help, mama. You need another sane adult there to give you a hand and some moral support. Can you call someone? Your mom? Your church? A sister? Can you post to finding your tribe? I don't know where you are, but I do know that if you are close to me, I'd load my kids in the car and come give you a hand.

Don't feel guilty about the videos. These are unique circumstances. You do what you need to do, kwim? Don't let guilt creep in about anything, in fact. If one of your babes has to cry for a couple minutes while you attend to another -- its a hard situation, but its NOT your fault! You can only do so much. You are responsible for so much, but sometimes you just can't make everyone happy at once.

Do try to find some help. You are entitled to it!


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## Korwynne (Feb 18, 2004)

where are you at? I'd come help for a few hours too if you're anywhere near me - probably not, but it couldn't hurt to ask









How old are your little ones? how long will DH be away? Is he military?

I never had PPD, but I still felt overwhelmed at first with my two (they're 16 months apart)... and I can't imagine what I would have felt like if DH hadn't been around to give me a break in the evening.

I hope someone has a good answer for you sweetie.. *hugs*


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## OneCatholicMommy (Jan 21, 2002)

Just wanted to encourage you. I don't know how old your kids are. I did the tandem nursing. Sometimes it is okay to let one cry while you take care of the other one, and this includes your baby. I'm not saying let the baby cry for an hour, but fifteen minutes is okay.

I remember! I was a complete wreck for a long time. BTW is your toddler night-weaned? That helped me a lot, after tandem nursing around the clock for almost a year.


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

Do you have a sling? You can let baby nap in the sling as still do everyday things like cook, clean and play with your older kids.

You'll feel better soon mama (((hugs)))
the weather will be summery again and you can all go outside and take a breather!


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

APmom98? Where are you??? How are you doing? You can't just write a post like this and then dissapear! I'm worried about you. Can you check in?


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## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

I am here. I've been here. I'm just too embarrassed and ashamed to show my face....







:

I am overwhelmed at the kindness of heart you've all shown me after that post. I have been sitting here for the last couple of days, reading and re-reading all your responces to me and crying each time. I do feel like I've failed my kids. But the thing is, I keep failing them. It isn't a one time thing, it isn't something that happens occasionally, I fail, all the time, every single day. I yell, I lose my temper, I cry....what seems like constantly. Maybe I do have PPD, I went and took that test from the sticky at the top of the PPD board and I scored a 65, but I don't remember what that means. How much of this is just plain exhaustion? How much is the fact that dh is gone, has been gone for so long? How much of it is the fact that while I nightweaned toddler almost two months ago, she still wakes anywhere from 2-4 times per night, needing comforting to get back to sleep? How much is that ds is in that tricky 5-6 year stage, that "I want independance, I don't want to be alone, I want to show my strength, I don't want you to take me too seriously, I'm still a baby, but I need to feel like I big kid..." stage? How much is infant being almost 9 months, still exclusive, still nursing hourly, if not more? How much of it is PMS, as







showed up this week?

You know what I mean? But then, when you get right down to the heart of the matter...it doesn't really matter about all that other stuff. Or, it shouldn't. The kids are only going to be these ages once, and not only do I not enjoy them, most days, I resent them. And that's not fair to them. Or to me. They should be relaxing, playing, enjoying their childhood, and instead, they are walking on eggshells because they are afraid of Mommy's next meltdown. Not very GD, you know?

So, I'm here. And I thank each adn every one of you, more than you know....but I'm hiding my face and burying my head in the sand for a little while. Honestly, I don't think I really belong here.


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## Gemini (Apr 9, 2003)

Of course you belong here. We are here to help you and support you when you feel low.









I realized I had PPD last summer after denying it for too long. After I went on medication I felt a world of difference.

Hang in there mama. We'll be here for you when you need us.


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## Welovedante (Dec 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *APMom98*
It isn't a one time thing, it isn't something that happens occasionally, I fail, all the time, every single day. I yell, I lose my temper, I cry....what seems like constantly. Maybe I do have PPD, I went and took that test from the sticky at the top of the PPD board and I scored a 65, but I don't remember what that means. How much of this is just plain exhaustion?

That self-assessment test's results break down like this:
41-69 =MODERATE-SEVERE Depression and Anxiety
70+* =SEVERE* DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

Please please please, APMom98, if at all possible, consider getting help for PPD. I myself was in denial about this for a long time, and I just thought if I could be strong enough, I'd feel better. Maybe it was exhaustion, or life circumstances, but for whatever reason, when one's brain can't manufacture enough serotonin (or what-have-you), then no amount of "strength" on your part can change that. The meds helped immensely. I remember thinking "How can dh be so happy?" and I didn't ever want to be so angry and resentful and crying, but I couldn't help it. There's a huge stigma attached to taking medications, or admitting that one needs help with this kind of thing, but if you had any of those red comments checked off, then I urge you to please consider getting some professional help. It's like night and day, being able to let things just roll of my back and not thinking thoughts like "I don't belong here" or "my kid would be better off..."

Anyway, many *hugs*, and even if you don't seek help elsewhere, we'll be hear to listen.

Heidi


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## Rainbow (Nov 19, 2001)

You know, I was so afraid to take RX meds for PPD that I put it off to long. I regret that heavily now. I became such a better mom. I still had to work at it and it is a struggle with multiple young children, but I AM happier and better to my girls now. It has helped me. Also, more than that- getting back on to a healthful diet really improved the kind of mother I am. I have more energy and zest with a good diet.

And trust me when I tell you that it DOES get better! Pretty soon your little one will be amused by watching your bigger ones. There will be a lot more giggling and a lot more comforting.

Though I still sometimes feel to touched out to nurse, my toddler has grown accustomed to some nursing ground rules- such as "mommy needs a break while I drink my water. Once i finish it you can nurse.

And I might need the chair smilie for this one, but to me attachment parenting is about attaching to ALL my kids not just the youngest of them. There were times where I let my infant nap in the little vibrating seat because she actually napped- and I was able to devote at least some one on one time to my toddler this way.

oh, and one more idea- with my 2nd she would wake up every time we put her down. Turned out she was so used to the massive amounts of noise my toddler (and I) made that she couldn't sleep when we were being all hush hush to lay her down. I started just laying her down there in the living room and she started sleeping better. My first would wake up after being laid down, cutting out dairy eliminated that completely. I guess she was having acid or some such from the dairy that became greater while lying down.

Hugs mama, please believe that it DOES get better. In the mean time, i found the best thing to do while nursing the new baby was reading endless books to my toddler. this made them both feel the love and it took my focus off of "please, oh please go to sleep!" feeling I had.

Sorry this is long and jumbled, I'm exhausted but couldn't ignore this thread!


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## drkevin (May 25, 2004)

You are NOT failing. You are a normal mom going thru a tough time.
You need to have a long talk with your husband.
You need some time off, a little R&R.
You may need to talk to your doctor.
As much as I hate to say so you may need to consider going to the bottle if this is getting you down that much. It is not worth it for you or the kids. Only you can make that determination. Give it a little bit if you can as things may improve. Time to talk to hubby though.
Finally, a crying child does not always have to be responded to immediately.
Good luck.


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *drkevin*

As much as I hate to say so you may need to consider going to the bottle if this is getting you down that much. It is not worth it for you or the kids.

Finally, a crying child does not always have to be responded to immediately.
Good luck.

welcome drkevin, to mdc.

When I read your suggestion here about considering switching to the bottle, I feel uncomfortable because I have a need to support "natural familiy living" ideals in this forum.

I feel nervous about that suggestion because I want to support apmom98, as you do, and I worry that a suggestion to consider bottlefeeding, to a tandem nurser, might compound her failure feelings. Also, I'm not sure it gets to the root of the problem.

<goes to find her NVC notes>

Ok, I would like to request that you familiarize yourself with the values espoused in these forums before you continue to post.

Thank you.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *APMom98*

You know what I mean? But then, when you get right down to the heart of the matter...it doesn't really matter about all that other stuff. Or, it shouldn't. The kids are only going to be these ages once, and not only do I not enjoy them, most days, I resent them. And that's not fair to them. Or to me. They should be relaxing, playing, enjoying their childhood, and instead, they are walking on eggshells because they are afraid of Mommy's next meltdown. Not very GD, you know?


You know what? When you get right down to the heart of the matter, it *really* does matter. It matters a heck of a lot how you are doing, and *of course* it will affect your ability to cope with day to day life. Not one of us here would be at our best in your situation. I promise!

You know how when a small child is tired or hungry, and you try to run some big complicated errand, the child inevitably melts down and makes life miserable? Well, you don't blame the kid. You recognize that he was set up for failure. You take him home, get him something to eat and put him down for a nap. Right?

You are "set up" to fail right now. 3 very little kids, day in and day out, 24x7.... You are not super human! You need regular relief. You need another pair of hands around for a portion of each day and you need someone else to help you plan discipline strategies, etc.

I don't know how to improve your situation. I don't know who you can call on for help, or even if there is anyone. And I don't know about meds. I chose not to take them, but I had a ton of support instead. However, whatever you do -- please ease up on yourself! You are doing the best you can.


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## kaismom (Aug 20, 2002)

Dear Apmom98,

I absolutely understand, I could have written your post. I think that in addition to the regular PPD and very exhausting work triggers (becuase though lovely mothering truely is sap the life right out of you work sometimes) there are maybe also some things going on for you that are special to tandem nursing mothers. It is very hard work nursing 2 not just physically emotionally but hormonally and I think some of us are more affected than others. I have noticed in myself some real out of character moods including near rages. I too have worried that my 2yo is walking on eggshells because I had a meltdown in front of him more than once.
I find I often feel like everything would be fine if the going to and staying asleep part were not so tough and didn't require so much nursing. All this to say you are not alone. I don't know if you have seen the Tandem nursing support tribe but it has been a great help to me - the support and just the knowledge that these crazy feelings are not just happening to me.
FWIW I second the idea of finding a neighbor hood kid to come by. I have a neighbor girl 9yo who comes by once a week after school to play with my son while I do whatever usually clean or read a book. its not a total escape as shes not old enough to handle emergencies etc but It just helps take the pressure off and I feel like ds is getting playtime with someone with alot more energy.
You might consider getting a physical too. With ds what I thought was ppd and sleep deprivation turned out to be my thyroid acting up.

Please take care of and be kind to yourself.

Aimee


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## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamelamama*
I worry that a suggestion to consider bottlefeeding, to a tandem nurser, might compound her failure feelings.

Okay, this is how far out this suggestion was to me! How scary is this? When I read drkevin's post, my first thought was "Why would I turn to alcohol to help me with this?"







!!! I honestly never even thought it was a suggestion to switch to formula!!!


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## TeaBag (Dec 18, 2003)

Again, I want to thank you all for the support and suggestions and ideas. Today was a better day, I didn't get anything accomplished, but at least I minimized my tendency to yell. There's so much going through my mind and I can't make sense of it all yet, but I can't tell you how much it helps to know that there's so much support and







here on MDC. I feel better just knowing that I'm not alone in this!! And got the word today that dh's estimated time for return has been moved up....so unless something changes (and this is the military, it ALWAYS changes!!!) we only have about 2 more weeks!!! Just that thought is enough to make me breathe a few extra times before I lose it!!

Anyway, thanks again. I'll be back more when I have more time/energy/positive things to contribute!!


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## drkevin (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamelamama*
welcome drkevin, to mdc.

When I read your suggestion here about considering switching to the bottle, I feel uncomfortable because I have a need to support "natural familiy living" ideals in this forum.

I feel nervous about that suggestion because I want to support apmom98, as you do, and I worry that a suggestion to consider bottlefeeding, to a tandem nurser, might compound her failure feelings. Also, I'm not sure it gets to the root of the problem.

<goes to find her NVC notes>

Ok, I would like to request that you familiarize yourself with the values espoused in these forums before you continue to post.

Thank you.









Of course I am aware of the values espoused here.
At the expense of mom's mental health though? I don't think so. I recommended that she try to work it out but nursing, though clearly desirable in many ways, is not the only option. If that is getting her down that much(not all due to nursing, I know) than it is not worth it for her OR her children.

The "root of the problem" is that she needs a break and a little help and some time away from home. Who wouldn't?
Rather than lay guilt on her for deciding to stop nursing, IF she does, she should be reciving support for whatever decision she makes, whatever benefits her and her family.

You might reread my initial post as discontinuing nursing was neither my only nor my first suggestion.

Good luck APMom. You need to stay away from the "bottle"


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## Graceoc (Mar 26, 2002)

I just wanted to say I have been exactly where you are (but with one less kid and that was hard enough for me) I felt like I was living this life that I had absoutly no control over - that was tearing me apart - and that was totally going to ruin my kids......I took the test then too and I scored a 70. It was DEFINALTY PPD and I had waited - living this hell, in denial because I thought if I just tried hard enough I could somehow make it work - until my dd was 10 months old before getting help. For me that help was medication - but it dosen't always have to be....BUt I can't stress enough how important it is to go and talk to someone - your midwife, your dr, your OB - just someone....because it is not just you.....it is a very real issue. I only hope and pray everyday that I don't get it as bad this next time around.....


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## BelovedBird (Apr 5, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *APMom98*
Okay, this is how far out this suggestion was to me! How scary is this? When I read drkevin's post, my first thought was "Why would I turn to alcohol to help me with this?"







!!! I honestly never even thought it was a suggestion to switch to formula!!!

LOL!

I don't think bottle feeding is the answer, number one, because of the issues mentioned previously and secondly is thast bottlefeeding is much more effort and thereore more tiring!

APMom ((hugs)). Please look for IRL support if possible and try to take breaks. Trying to get baby #3 to sleep when you know that you also need to be up and taking care of kid #1 and #2 is SOO stressful. It makes your whole body tense.
I don't have an advice re: PPD, I was never dx or did anything on that front I just think that 3 kids is REALLY hard.
It is so hard to feel like you are failing constantly, like you are drowning....
((hugs))
Pm me whenever you want.


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## pumpkinhead (Sep 15, 2003)

FYI Everyone, drkevin is a troll. Please ignore him!!


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## pumpkinhead (Sep 15, 2003)

APMOM98,








s. This too shall pass, Mama. You're doing a great job! Have you considered ppd? It might be worth looking into







s


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## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

APmpm98

I hope you are feeling better now. I had PPD with my little Goo and I fell back into depression when I got pregnant with Moo. I am on meds.

I would not recommend meds for everyone. Can you find some help for part of the day? You are NOT failing your children. You are only failing this imagine in your head that you can do everything. At least, that is what I was doing when I lost it after Goo was born. She would scream for hours no matter how you tried to calm her. I felt like I was failing her, but the truth was, I was failing this ideal mother in my head that could just snuggle her children to sleep and have a clean house and never yelll.... yada yada yada..

If at all possible, get someone to help you with the kids so you can rest. It sounds like your dh will be home in 2 more weeks. That can be quick or an eternity.

HUGS to you.

Check out the PPD forum. There are many natural remedies there.

PS- I am a mom who switched for FF because of the depression. I am doing it again this time because of how bad the PPD hits and we are trying to get my hormones back to the non-pregnant state ASAP. I would NOT recommend this for everyone. It is a personal decision and something that you have to be strong to walk away from BF and the guilt comes back at you all of the time.


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