# Baby sleep A to Zzz from "Parents" magazine



## Ilaria (Jan 14, 2002)

In the latest issue of Parents (I received the subscription as a gift) there's the ABC of baby sleep. Here are some of the tips:

break the sleep-nursing association
do not rock to sleep
C is for cry-it-out (of course!)
"Don't be surprised if baby cries for over an hour"
F is for Family bed...the AAP recommends putting baby in the crib, FB is dangerous
Don't get too cuddly

If you have a second, drop a line the idiotic editors of this magazine. [email protected]

I did and i am canceling my subscription


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## frogertgrl (Nov 28, 2002)

Not surprising given that Sears is such a major contributor to that mag and hosts online chats, has a message board, etc.

That mag sux, imo.


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## Ilaria (Jan 14, 2002)

I think Sears is a contributor to Parenting, not Parents.


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## happykat (Dec 24, 2002)

Here is the address of the article.

http://www.parents.com/articles/ages...tages/5317.jsp

Sigh. Poor babies.

happykat


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## lilylove (Apr 10, 2003)

Wow that was like a poke in the ribs for me! I recently read that mag(big mistake, only got me mad







) and had been meaning to email them and tell them how I feel:sinister .Now I have, thanks. I feel much better now


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## Brooklynn'sMommy (Mar 27, 2003)

I read that article too and was appalled! I have canceled my subscription too!


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## jogirl (Oct 21, 2002)

I dropped them an email and added my 2-cents


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## vermonter (Jan 6, 2002)

Ditto for me too. I will be cancelling my subscription also.


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## Kylix (May 3, 2002)

I'm writing an email...that article is disgusting.

Kylix


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## flower (Mar 12, 2003)

I recently cancelled my subscription to them because of the many assinine parenting "tips" they have.

It's so sad that so many new parents think they are the authority on so many things.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

I cancelled my subscripion a few years ago after I discovered Mothering. Well, I guess it's been five years now! Anyway, I was apalled that my first parent style magazine was full of such misinformation and crap! I give every pregnant mother that I know a subscription to Mothering!


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

I came on to post about this as well. I recieve Parents but did not subscribe. They sent me free mags for two years after I had ds#1. Now, I'm getting them again ever since ds#2 was born. Anyone know why?

I am also very dissapointed in the kind of information that is handed out to the mainstream community. That's why I'm proud to be a crunchy Mothering reading Mama!

We all know this information is wrong, but a lot of Parent's readers do not and get the wrong idea about co-sleeping. It makes me angry too. I will also write a letter to the editor.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

I wrote a letter but doubt I'll hear back from them. I'm sure they have no use for us and our thoughts!


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## Ilaria (Jan 14, 2002)

Actually, a year ago, I sent them an email and then had an interesting discussion/excahnge with Allison Pennel one of the editors. She suggested I post on the board where Mindell goes, but I told her I didn't want to register.
I couldn't find Mindell's addy or I would've copied her on it.

I have written since but she never wrote back, she probably thinks I'm a loony anyway!


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

uke


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## mamapixie (May 30, 2002)

And that is why I let my Parents subscription run out. Never anything useful in it anyway. I think I may just send an email out to them.

On the same topic, I found I can not go to the mainstream playgroup board I belonged to while pregnant anymore, I find myself yelling at posts about CIO, one mom was even saying how she sat outside her baby's room for an hour listening to him cry, and crying herself, but still left him there!! ARGH!!!


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

benz - i left mine for the same reasons. one mama i had just loved when we were pg went and weaned her baby to formula at 6 months after a trouble-free nursing relationship b/c she "wanted her body back". six months is a blink of an eye...was it so hard? i can't imagine...


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## mamapixie (May 30, 2002)

I can't imagine quitting nursing at 6 months just because you want your body back. Same with weaning an infant to go on vacation. After weaning my first son at 3 1/2 months(I HAD to work, and had been nursing him part time since 6 weeks, but my supply dropped dramatically, and it wasn't working anymore) I was determined to nurse Jonathen for at least a year, and now the goal is 15 months( I do want to wean him about then, because when DH gets back, we're going to be TTC again, plus DH has some issues with nursing a toddler)


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## lilylove (Apr 10, 2003)

I got a reply to my E-mail







: They sent this generic crap about getting soooo many e-mails that they can't keep up so here are some answers to commonly asked ?s. How to subscribe, how to submit, how to get your kid on the cover, blah blah blah!!!







Oh well, I tried.


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## kimmysue2 (Feb 26, 2003)

Quote:

break the sleep-nursing association
do not rock to sleep
C is for cry-it-out (of course!)
"Don't be surprised if baby cries for over an hour"
F is for Family bed...the AAP recommends putting baby in the crib, FB is dangerous
Don't get too cuddly
Oh dear! That is so sad. And to think new mothers who may have thought about doing just that and now aren't.

I was home alone and had use the bathroom badly. I put my son in his play and go since he was sleeping at the time. Its next to my bed. Well he woke right up and there was no way I could get him. Boy he was so upset, he was all shaking and that was only 8 minutes of cry let alone 60 minutes. Took another hour for him to claim down with me laying with him and nursing. And he still did the sniffs until he fell asleep again. Told my husband there was no way I would ever cio not that I had but that made it set in stone.

My son goes to work with me and the owners wife would tell me all the time about how she stopped breastfeeding because she wanted her body back.

Ugh I could go on and on.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

I want to thank each and every one of you for caring.
How lucky your babies are. How unlucky the babies of this writer and this style of parenting are.

And we wonder why we are all so screwed up, when someone tells parents to ignore their child's despair for an hour, for weeks.......oh but then they'll right some lame-a## article how to have a compassionate child......

Rocking to sleep is a BOO BOO? GIve me an F-ing break! I LIKE getting cuddly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the heads up. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


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## velveeta (May 30, 2002)

And then there's "B"

B is for Bullsh*!$%!

What a ridiculous article! I just get so sad when things like this get printed. I know I will hear it quoted to me sometime.









Here is a summary of the article:

If your instincts tell you something, completely ignore them and do the opposite. Did I get that about right?

YUCK!

Jean


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## kimmysue2 (Feb 26, 2003)

Okay I am back. Cuddle time is SO important to me.
He loves to be rocked to sleep. Every Sunday grandma gets to rock him to sleep for his morning nap. I think its almost better for her then him


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

I can't get this article out of my head. It makes me SO sad to think of tiny babies crying for any amount of time just wanting their mommy or daddy to cuddle them.







They're so helpless. And then thinking about my older children and how they just yearn to feel close to us. These articles are just promoting child abuse, IMO.


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## Kimberley (Mar 23, 2003)

ditto ditto ditto. so sad. I wrote them an email too. I don't even need to read the article, I know what it says. Thanks for supplying the email address!


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

I recieved a generic responce from Parents saying that they will give a personal responce in a couple weeks. I will post my reply if they really do respond. I would be interested in reading other's responces as well.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Ahhhhhhhhh I just emailed.

That feels better.


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## jingwen (Jan 20, 2003)

I just read that stupid article too! The magazine was in the waiting room of where i work.

I wrote them a email and here's what i said:

Dear Parents magazine:

Please see attatched website on research done on baby sleep and why you should not let a baby CIO. I suggest in the future you do some research before printing such damaging articles.

Until you can come up with known proof that CIO and not cuddling with your baby is helpful for the development of a babies brain and emotions, please do not give such crappy advice to new mothers.

If you are interested i can provide you with numerous other articles that demonstrate how detremental CIO is.

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html

Thanks for supplying the email address...i've been thinking about how mad i was at that article too!


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## mimie (Mar 7, 2003)

Quote:

K is for kisses. We know it's hard to resist showering your cutie pie with affection, but don't get too cuddly when you're trying to put her back to sleep in the middle of the night. At three in the morning, you're better off with a businesslike attitude than a lovefest, Dr. Mindell advises.
Love this one. Yeah, I'm going to take a "businesslike attitude" with my sobbing infant. Cuddling a sad child in the middle of the night is somehow wrong?


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## youngnhappymamma (Feb 3, 2002)

this so drives me NUTS!!! And beyond!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!No wonder there are so many mainstream mammas out there stressing over sleep and stressing over wether or not it's "okay" to cuddle their sweet baby and wether or not formula is just as good as breast milk and so much more!!!! Hello!!! This is one of the most popular parenting mags in the U.S.!!!! Urgh! Hello!!!! ARGH!!! I had no idea that cio and other similar things were still promoted so much!!!!! Hello!!!! Urgh. I used to read this mag when dc #1 was a babe and learned by the time he was 7 months or so that all the mainstream mags said the same things and said them over and over and over and were just fluff. But I haven't picked one up since then, so I guess I've been out of the loop. Urgh. Kudos to you who have written them! I need to do that too. As soon as I can stop saying Urgh so much.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

HOW SAD! I e-mailed them this:

To Whom It May Concern:

Your article "Baby Sleep from A to Z" was absolutely
appalling. It horrifies me to know that people who
are supposed to be teaching parenting skills to new
parents are promoting such cruel, damaging things as
letting a baby cry for AN HOUR OR LONGER alone in a
crib. It saddens me the way that parents (such as
yourselves, obviously) these days treat children like
animals that can just be pushed aside and ignored at
the parents' leisure. People like you should not even
HAVE children, much less be allowed to share your
inhumane and lazy views on parenting with other
parents. Telling parents to take on a "businesslike
attitude" with their children is ridiculous. No
matter what time of day it is, a parent should always
be loving, understanding, and affectionate. There are
so many potentially damaging things in the
aforementioned article, I don't even have the time to
give my opinion on each one. Suffice to say that no
one who would allow their child to cry in fear and
loneliness for hours at a time should ever be allowed
to give advice to new parents.

I belong to a group of mothers on the Web, and I know
of several of them who will be cancelling their
subscriptions to your magazine. If I had one, I'd
have cancelled mine the second I finished reading that
article. Hopefully others will feel the same way.

I hope and pray that your article will not sway any
mothers toward your horrifying views on parenting.

-Lindsay Taylor
Mother of one from Louisiana


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## BabySlinger (Aug 6, 2002)

I feel so lucky to have read ONE issue of this magazine (or one exactly like it) when DD was brand-new and I was brimming over with AP and breast-feeding zeal... I picked up the magazine at the home of another new mom, leafed through it, and concluded, "Gee, this is basically a glossy 150-page ad for infant formula." The contents were so transparently designed to promote the interests of the advertisers.

Of course the advertisers don't want us to nurse our babies to sleep, or comfort them with attention rather than Stuff, or truly place our babies' needs at the center of our lives and priorities... it's in their interest to have us mamas chronically frustrated, tense, and feeling inadequate, and wanting our "normal lives" (and bodies) back, because that makes us susceptible to their marketing.

As long as the editors are in the pockets of their advertisers, letters to them are unlikely to make a difference to the magazine's content (does Cosmo care about letters from feminists or anti-smoking activists??) but maybe it's worth something to send them a little dose of reality every now and then, and it makes us feel better.

It's Mothering or nothin' for me!


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## MommyT (Feb 19, 2003)

This magazine is so 'parenting for convenience' oriented. It's horrible. I just want to scream when I hear this kind of advice. It's a vicious cycle and I'm SURE the author is a result of CIO parents herself....otherwise she wouldn't be so insensitive to the needs of another, smaller human being. It always amazes me how CIO advocates don't take into consideration that coming into this world is scary for babies. They treat them like adults (I wouldn't even treat an adult like that) and expect it to be their way or the highway.....their way being steps toward detachment and corporal punishment.

I heard a great analogy the other day about not picking up your baby when he's crying: If picking up your baby and comforting him when he cries is so bad and it conditions your baby to be 'too comfortable' in your arms, then why don't adults just sleep on the floor instead of beds....heaven forbid WE get comfortable when WE sleep.


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## Very Snoofly (Jan 13, 2003)

I believe that in the issue previous to this one, the editor wrote a column about her own daughter's sleep habits. She and her husband tried the CIO method and--chortle, chortle--they had to buy a steam cleaner for the carpet in her daughter's room, because crying that hard and long made her baby throw up so much! Isn't that funny?







:

She then said that they eventually abandoned the CIO method and that they now "resort" to letting her daughter sleep with them, even though it's probably not a "good habit" and it's "not safe" according to the AAP. ("Don't flame me!" she says.) So I guess that's good for her daughter, but geez what a mixed message to send to the readers of the magazine...that it's a joke when your kid throws up from crying it out, and that co-sleeping is something to be vaguely embarrassed about.

I meant to write a letter...but most of my free time is spent cuddling my baby and rocking her to sleep.


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## dswmom (Nov 17, 2002)

thanks for spreading the word about this terrible article. I emailed the editor too. Here's what I wrote:

"I just read the sleep article from your magazine and couldn't be more upset by the thought of a new, vulnerable mom listening to such awful advice. It's disturbing that so many "experts" are telling parents to ignore their children's cry and communication of need. Our babies need/want their parents. What's so bad about that? Our society is obsessed with sleep and with imposing such adult-like sleep patterns on our young children.

Articles like this only perpetuate the circulation of bad information. It makes me sad to think of all those moms out there who will go against their gut feelings and do as this article proposes--not snuggle, rock, hold, console their own flesh and blood in time of distress. Those children will probably be the ones who will need psychological counseling in the future. Maybe that will be a good article for you to research- % of children needing therapy who were allowed to "cry it out" when they were babies."


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## 3miraclebabies (Oct 5, 2002)

I lay in bed at night while I'm snuggling with my babies and my heart aches for the babies who's parents follow crappy advice like this magazine is giving. What is so wrong with your children feeling loved and safe and secure? Isn't that our job as parents? I guess if they just said "parent from your heart and with love" that would be the end of the magazine, huh?


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

dws mom, your thoughtful response to the horrible article is right on!!!







it really slams the point home. i so hope the editor takes note of your response,...of all the responses! what a shame....when i see articles like this it makes me so sad...and so mad!!!









3miraclebabies, i do the exact same thing you mentioned ....sometimes at night in bed when i'm cuddled up with my dds i think to myself how MANY babies and children are out there, probably just down the street from my house, crying and screaming and feeling so sad and scared all the while being ignored by their parents.


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## 3miraclebabies (Oct 5, 2002)

wow, dswmom, that was a great letter. I don't know how they can in good conscience just pass that one off. Even if they don't address this, I'm sure (rather, I hope) it will raise questions in their own minds

sparklemom, it is so sad to think about isn't it?

edited to correct spelling


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

Oh dear, my letter was not nearly as polite as the complaints copied here. But then I am not that nice a person.









What a dumb magazine, with a poll on "unique" names like Catherine Zeta-Jones' new daughter's. Carys is not all that unusual in _Wales_.

Anyway, here's what I wrote.

To Whom It May Concern,

I am horrified to see the advice listed in the article on infant sleep. Are we returning to the Victorian stereotype of parental brutality? Why does your magazine set up an adversarial relationship with the infant parents have waited for with such anticipation and joy? Our babies need us.

The best way I got sleep as a parent of a newborn was to sleep with my baby, nurse her when she cried, check on her when I got the urge, and *never* let her cry for long. Instead of toting her in her carseat or stroller, I carried her in a sling. I had an easy time, and a happy baby who slept through the night very early. Why? Because she had no insecurities; she felt safe and cared for. She is now one of the most independent children we know. A need met at the right time is a need that does not need to be met later, in inappropriate ways. What a concept, to be nice to one's children!

Your editorial board should be ashamed for printing such material! Sensitive, inexperienced parents might actually believe this nonsense! Once again I am thankful for Mothering Magazine, which presents a common sense approach to raising a family, in sharp contrast to the shallow materialistic twaddle magazines like yours publish.

Elizabeth Devereux


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

LizD, your letter rocks too!!!!!!!!


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## 3miraclebabies (Oct 5, 2002)

Sure does! You guys are awesome


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Bumping this so I can use some of the ideas here, when I write to my idiot local news station who had a pediatrician on TV on the noon news just now, recommending to a mom calling in that she continue to let her one year old cry, standing in his crib, for up to three or four hours a night until he stops this "bad habit" of crying for attention. Saying how bad it is to put a baby down when they are asleep because they will never learn how to fall asleep.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


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## 3miraclebabies (Oct 5, 2002)

That is terrible - shame on that doc.


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## sylviamama (Dec 30, 2002)

Here's my letter. Wonder who will read it and what they'll think...

"I am writing to express how apalled I am at your recent article on babies and sleep. The advice you present is ridiculous at best, and severely damaging at worst. I feel pain and sorrow for all of the babies of parents who read and follow the "advice" in this article, some of which from a so-called "expert". Pediatricians are trained in disease and disorder, not in parenting. The majority have no knowledge base upon which to draw to make recommendations about where, with whom, and how babies should be sleeping. Your Dr. Mindell is rattling off a "how-to" that is based on zero research.

The research (and you would be aware of this research had you done any) shows that letting young children cry-it-out and not meeting the emotional needs of our children in infancy and young childhood leads to serious disorders later in life. Post-traumatic stress and panic disorders are the direct result of changes in the nervous system caused by parents who do not respond to their infants' needs. Babies need to sleep with their parents until they are ready for a bed of their own ("F" is for "family bed"). Babies need to be loved and cuddled when they are upset. They need soothing ("K" is for "kisses", "R" is for "rocking").

How would any of the adults that work for your company like to be left to cry alone for an hour or more? Even we grown-ups with so many more resources than an infant expect and appreciate the comfort and company of those who love us. I would disassociate myself from any friend or family member who left me to my own devices in a time of real emotional and physical need.

Shame, shame,shame on you. How I wish I could venture into every playspace, doctor's office, newstand, and home where this filfth lurks to burn the trash you publish!"

Maybe they'll offer me a free subscription!







:


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

GREAT letter!!!!!!


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## 3miraclebabies (Oct 5, 2002)

Really a great letter, very well said.


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

YEAH!!! I posted about htis before. I e/mailed them too. I also have infiltrated their board and am spreading the word about co-sleeping. (not going over to well!














) but I will continue!









Thank goodness for sane mamas like you all!









HEATHERH


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## MommyT (Feb 19, 2003)

Good analogy Katie.









It amazes me how many moms do this to their babies then tell all of us 'silly' moms that attend to our babies needs at night that CIO was the 'best thing they ever did.'







Then they look at me like I'm the bad mom because my baby still wakes up 2-5 times a night and he's 11 months old. If meeting my son's nighttime needs by responding to him when he cries is being a bad mom, then I'll GLADLY be a 'bad' mom.

I was rocking my little man last night because he wasn't ready for me to put him down and he was laying on my chest, holding onto me. I was looking at his little face wondering "Why is this so bad?" It was a wonderful moment for us to share together. I would never trade that to let him CIO for all the sleep in the world. I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep at one stretch in over a year, since before he was born and I was PG. I'm OK with that. It's such a short time in his life to be nurtured at bedtime and encourage healthy sleep associations. I'll gladly put more work in now when the foundation is being made rather than have to play catch up later. All the research says it's unhealthy to CIO. Between that and following my instincts, I feel I'm doing the right thing for my son and our family.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

http://www.parents.com/articles/ages...tages/3001.jsp

They are at it again; in the link above they talk about how it is a "mistake" and an "error" to rock/nurse your baby to sleep.

They say if you nurse your baby to sleep, you should immediately WAKE THEM UP







and put them into their crib.

I like the fact that we are speaking up. We should continue to do so. I checked out their board (since the mom above posted about it







and her procosleeping posts there) and there are a couple moms speaking out against CIO.









Every little bit helps!


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## lilylove (Apr 10, 2003)

They sent me another E-mail in response to mine. Basically it said we are so sorry you feel that way. We hope you will buy another one though, so we can keep publishing this crap


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:

Saying how bad it is to put a baby down when they are asleep because they will never learn how to fall asleep.
I guess most of the people in the world who were not left to CIO have sleep disorders! My dh and his sister were family bed/family bedroom kids until they were in school. My SIL was still sleeping on a cot in my IL's room until the day she got married. And both she and dh could sleep through a tornado!

Darshani


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

i've started posting a bit on their boards (at the site momtwice listed). woa, is it a mainstream place. these moms need some major positive influence and support in following their instincts!


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

Ok, I said that I would post Parent's responce when they e-mailed me...FINALLY! Here it is. First is my letter and second is there responce.

I was very turned-off and angered by your article Sleep A-Zzz. Crying it
> out goes against a mother's natural instincts to properly care for her
> child. I would NEVER let a baby cry it out! The reason an infant stops
> crying is because s/he becomes exhausted by his/her needs not being met.
> No mother is comfortable with the idea of letting her child cry or being
> detached from her child. Also, I co-sleep with my son. If your writers
> and editors did a thorough research on this subject you would find that
> co-sleeping presents less threat than cribs in relationship to SIDS. You
> would find that crib manufacturers have funded all the studies that
> indicate a problem with co-sleeping. You would find that babies grow
> better when they sleep with their mothers.
>
> I am disgusted by this article. I would like to see more facts given to
> the mainstream audience instead of these slanted and poorly researched
> views. Although the APA does not recommend co-sleeping at this time it
> has been practiced by many societies and cultures throughout the world and
> history. There are many reputable doctors (including my own), and
> studies to support co-sleeping.

Thanks very much for taking the time to lend us your perspective on this
> article -- you are not alone. We appreciate all the feedback, which I'll
> share with our editors. I'm sorry we disappointed you but it's helpful
> that you wrote in to let us know why.
>
> Please keep in touch whenever another article piques your interest (or
> indignation).
>
Best regards,
> Barbara Brandon-Croft
> Acting Reader Service Editor, Parents Magazine
> 375 Lexington Avenue * New York, NY 10017
>
> Phone: 212.499.2030
> Fax: 212.499.2083
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I very much appreciated this responce. I can tell they recieved a lot of responces to this and our voice has been heard. I am very optimistic.


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## 3miraclebabies (Oct 5, 2002)

I would like to read the issue that has all of these letters to the editor just to see what their printed response will be.


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## flower (Mar 12, 2003)

Kassi, I just posted in the Activism board about this. They sent me the same letter this morning.


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

It's a good sign if they had to create a form letter. It shows that there are a lot of mamas who feel the same. I also am interested to see a printed responce.


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## Ilaria (Jan 14, 2002)

Quote:

I would like to read the issue that has all of these letters to the editor just to see what their printed response will be.
The next issue is out. None of our letter smade it. Just one praise...


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

A letter of PRAISE?







I have to see this. I can't believe it. Sometimes I just really worry about our society.









Still, I will remain optimistic. It won't happen overnight. We can help to change the lives of babes one mama at a time.


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

I recieved the same form letter... finally, I wrote twice. And I have cancelled my subscription, and you know what? They didn't even care! I was so ready to let them have it... but they just said OK, your done as of July!







I wanted to fight with someone! :LOL

I got the june issue... I think they haven't actually posted any replies... I think it will be the July issue before you see them. Because it appears they are a month ahead each time. So I am gonna give them one more month, then I am going to write again to ask why no negative remarks on this.

HEATHERH


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## 3miraclebabies (Oct 5, 2002)

Well, then hopefully they will show the comments speaking out against the article in the July issue. Hopefully the mamas who read the magazine will read the letters to the editors, so it will give them something to ponder. So dissappointing.


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## mamabee (Aug 9, 2002)

i e-mailed too, but um...well i am tired and kinda cranky tonight, so my e-mail was ummm shall i say mean??? (maybe a little to mean..) but the article made me mad







ooohhhhh i still am mad







( i think they'll get that in the response i wrote)grrrrrr


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