# Gift to help you mourn?



## MrsSoup (May 11, 2008)

For Mother's Day, I want to donate something to the hospital my daughter was born in to have them give to the mother's of stillborn babies. I've been so blessed with my healthy daughter but still feel the tug of my heartstrings and want to do what I can to support.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Is there something you were given that made a difference or a recommendation of something that would have helped, even just for a moment, from a complete stranger?


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## Unconventional1 (Apr 3, 2006)

I have been thinking about this too.... I think something you are good at/ passionate about would be best.... I am a good photographer- I thought about offering photography services at the hospital when I get a new SLR. I know of someone who makes beautiful glass beads... any sort of craft like that would be good- markers for outside, statues, maybe even potted flowers, find a place to plant a beautiful tree?

I too feel so blessed, despite having losses.

I know many would benefit from meals, or housecleaning etc...

I will post any other ideas that come to me.


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## christinespurlock (Oct 10, 2006)

maybe a memory box to keep things in (pictures, foot prints, lock of hair)


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

Most places accept donations of hats and blankets for the babies. Gideon had this adorable little blue knit hat that I hold very close to my heart. I would say definitely put tags on the items. I wish the hat had a tag, a story, something. After he died, several of my friends got together and made a donation of hats and blankets to the hospital where he died. It was very touching.


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## PrayinFor12 (Aug 25, 2007)

My suggestion is to do something that all parents can benefit from. The above ideas are excellent, but not much good for women who lost their babies very early. Nothing to take pictures of for example.

Last week, when I woke up from the D&C, we were given a little felt heart - clearly hand-made. What struck me was not the item, it was clearly seeing that someone had taken the time to plan ahead, sit down, and pin it together. Someone thought about us. Someone cared.

I teared up instantly - just on the simple fact that someone thought ahead and cared about us. Someone we'll never even meet.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

I had William's memory box out today, and it was the first time it occurred to me that the blankets they'd wrapped him in and given me to take home weren't the usual hospital newborn blankets, but handmade - one crocheted, one felted. Someone had made these, and it just broke me up thinking it could have been another mama who experienced a loss. I wish I knew, though.

I want to do two things, once I'm back to some semblance of functional:

Donate my photography services to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I wish I'd known about this service. The hospital took their own pictures, but I would have loved more professional ones done.

Crochet blankets for stillborn babies, with a tag on them, "Made and given with much love, From a mother who knows the pain of baby-loss."


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

My husband kept Dresden's handmade knit hat in his pocket for weeks after he died. He slept with it in his hand and really clung to it. I think something made from the heart is so nice... and a tag on it would have been great..

Thank you for caring.


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## octobher (Apr 19, 2009)

something i thought would be nice is to get (or make) some nice little tule material bags and inside put a few seeds for Forget-Me-Not flowers along with a printed out message / poem / etc. You could put the bags around a teddy bears neck.


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

Wow. It's great to see that so many people appreciated the crocheted/knitted blankets that are donated. I just picked up crochet and have been wanting to do this.

I've seen patterns for micropreemie burial gowns... is this something any of you would have used had they been donated to the hospital? Or were blankets/hats more appreciated?

Also, for earlier losses, I'm trying to think of something small crocheted, like a heart or a doll or something that could be given to patients. What would you have wanted? I had my D&C in a doctor's office, so I'm not sure what I would have wanted. The procedure was so quick and I was awake, so it wasn't as "big a deal" as a hospital D&C with general anesthesia.

ETA: I was thinking of maybe something like this? http://farm1.static.flickr.com/227/4...f7db6e5590.jpg It's about 3-5" high. Or maybe this?

I'm going to try to organize something at our local yarn shop. Maybe I can get a group of ladies together.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I think the idea of micro-preemie gowns is a nice idea. Most of those families aren't expecting to have their babies that soon, so no clothes. Someone online somewhere suggested a matching tiny knit/crochet something for the parents (that matches the gown). Most of the teeny, tiny babies will be cremated or buried in that handmade outfit and it is nice for the parents to have something to take home with them in remembrance.

I know for my dd we received a crocheted blanket which I still have. Since she was full-term I did have an outfit I knit myself which I had prepared to be her coming home outfit. Instead, she was cremated in it. It did make it the tiniest bit easier letting her go, ie leaving the hospital without her (not that that is EVER easy), knowing she was wearing something made with love.

The tag is a good idea too.

One final thought, I researched this a while back and read somewhere that it is important to only use the softest-of-soft yarns, kind of what you would use for a chemo cap. It is because the baby's skin is so fragile that anything rough can tear.


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

Amy, that's a good point. So perhaps with the preemie gown, a blanket to match?

I'm really picky about my yarns (most wools and acrylics are too itchy for me!!) so I totally agree with your soft yarn point. Perhaps something with a bit of stretch, too.


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MI_Dawn* 
I
I want to do two things, once I'm back to some semblance of functional:

Donate my photography services to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I wish I'd known about this service. The hospita took their own pictures, but I would have loved more professional ones done.

Crochet blankets for stillborn babies, with a tag on them, "Made and given with much love, From a mother who knows the pain of baby-loss."

So so beautiful...I love the blanket idea.


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

After Lucy was born, I got a package from Earth Mama, Angel Baby: http://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/pr..._baby_loss.php

Anyway, the No More Milk tea was incredibly soothing. A package with the tea and a votive candle might be nice. Acknowledging that you are postpartum as well as grieving.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I couldn't agree more with all of the ideas already given. There are so many different things you could do. I would suggest just going w/what is in your heart.
In my experience the very _*thought*_ of baby loss is taboo by those who haven't experienced it so for you to put that thought of compassion into action is extremely moving. Thank you so much for caring for those families who will be going through this!!


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## PrayinFor12 (Aug 25, 2007)

My quick thoughts:

I think I'd go teddy bear over bird, since it seems more baby related. But I'd love to get either one!

The gift basket might be really great as far as parents at any gestation being able to use it. But on that topic...

It occurs to me, that even not having a baby to wrap up, I would've still loved having a hat/blanket/gown. You need something to hold, ya know? (I do wonder if it would've occurred to the hospital staff to go ahead and give me one. Not sure.)

It's wonderful that you're doing this. The little felt heart I got last week meant SO much - all because of the care behind it.


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## MrsSoup (May 11, 2008)

Thank you all for your ideas and I am sorry that you had to have the knowledge to answer.









I think I've decided to do memory boxes with a note inside. Thank you again.

*hugs to all*


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

A friend of mine crocheted a blanket for me. It has and continues to bring me comfort. My midwife's doula friend that watched our girls when I went to be induced brought over a basket that contained a seashell filled with sand from the beach, collected ocean water, a candle and white sage. I loved the basket. It's weird, but I think the white sage helped a lot. It felt very cleansing and uplifting to me. I'm glad I was introduced to it.


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## MrsSoup (May 11, 2008)

Just wanted to give an update. Thank you all for your help.

Here are some photos of the boxes I gave:

http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/d...g/DSCN1666.jpg
http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/d...g/DSCN1668.jpg

http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/d...g/DSCN1670.jpg
http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/d...g/DSCN1671.jpg

http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/d...g/DSCN1673.jpg
http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/d...g/DSCN1680.jpg

Each one had a poem folded into the purple origami heart and some flowers. I also was able to pass on information to the hospital about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, so they know to offer it to the parents. It was so wonderful.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

What a beautiful gift for you to give! And I'm so glad you let them know about NILMDTS, too!


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## Authentic_Mother (Feb 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PrayinFor12* 
My suggestion is to do something that all parents can benefit from. The above ideas are excellent, but not much good for women who lost their babies very early. Nothing to take pictures of for example.

Last week, when I woke up from the D&C, we were given a little felt heart - clearly hand-made. What struck me was not the item, it was clearly seeing that someone had taken the time to plan ahead, sit down, and pin it together. Someone thought about us. Someone cared.

I teared up instantly - just on the simple fact that someone thought ahead and cared about us. Someone we'll never even meet.

I love that idea. I have been searching for something I could do for another mommy. I think I will steal that idea of felt heart and add a poem and tag or something.
Can you post a picture of the felt heart you got?


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

I just had a thought of something I wish I had. We got footprints and handprints, but they were just done on this cheesy photocopied purple sheet of paper that had other things on them. They are a nice momento but I can't really use/display them. I would have liked a nice set of prints on cardstock that could be framed. It seems so simple, but I might give a set of cardstock with a simple border around it to our hospital.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

I love the idea of nice paper for the footprints.

Also, where did you get those great memory boxes? I need to find something similar to put my son's things in. It's been nine months since his death and I want to put his things together in something beautiful.

Also, though not a "gift" the parents can take home I would also suggest calling the local funeral homes and getting info on prices for infants funerals/cremations. Then, provide a list of funeral resources to the hospital.

Also, put together a list of resources for grieving families - support groups for parents/siblings, etc. that the hospital could give to the parents. One of the nurses in L&D sent us a sympathy card with a handwritten list of local and internet grief resources. I didn't use it right away but when I was ready to start looking I had this great list already pulled together. It was very touching that she went out of her way to do it.

And, I don't know if hospitals would hand these out but if they would maybe printing up some nice postcards with helpful info for well meaning friends. The grieving parents might need to hand out the postcards as "pointers" to those who mean to say comforting things but just don't know how to do it.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cheshire* 
I love the idea of nice paper for the footprints.

Also, where did you get those great memory boxes? I need to find something similar to put my son's things in. It's been nine months since his death and I want to put his things together in something beautiful.

Also, though not a "gift" the parents can take home I would also suggest calling the local funeral homes and getting info on prices for infants funerals/cremations. Then, provide a list of funeral resources to the hospital.

Also, put together a list of resources for grieving families - support groups for parents/siblings, etc. that the hospital could give to the parents. One of the nurses in L&D sent us a sympathy card with a handwritten list of local and internet grief resources. I didn't use it right away but when I was ready to start looking I had this great list already pulled together. It was very touching that she went out of her way to do it.

And, I don't know if hospitals would hand these out but if they would maybe printing up some nice postcards with helpful info for well meaning friends. The grieving parents might need to hand out the postcards as "pointers" to those who mean to say comforting things but just don't know how to do it.

These are REALLY great ideas!

<---taking notes!


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

One of the nurses made tiny little plaster molds of Simon's hands and feet....so tiny, and perfectly done. She also gave us a card with his tiny foot prints on it, with his name and date of birth. We are taking the little molds to a brass worker this summer so that they won't be so fragile..I would be so sad if they got broken. We also have the tiny blue blanket he as wrapped in...I hold it close to me every single night...it is wrapped around the purple duck we bought for our baby on Easter...when he was still alive.

It meant so much to me that strangers were being so generous of their time to give such priceless memories to a family who had lost their baby....


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## MrsSoup (May 11, 2008)

I know that my hospital had all sorts of information, and the local funeral homes donate their services for the babies, so they don't have to worry about pricing. So that was nice to learn.

And the boxes, I just found them at Goodwill and then decorated them with pictures I'd found in magazines and with pens. I would have done more, but only had those three that were nice enough. They were all less than $2.

I hope they give someone peace.


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