# How long do kids co-sleep?



## ParisAnne (Jul 18, 2004)

Okay, I just read a post from a few days ago about negative comments on co-sleeping so I'm almost scared to ask this. Let me start out by saying I am not asking how to get dd out of our bed (we'll work it out when we are ready) She has slept in her own bed at times. We still like having her sleep with us (atleast I think dh still enjoys it)...

I am just wondering how many people actually have their 4 yo's in bed with them? Payton will be 4 in less than two months. She just weaned last month, with a little help from me. I've always read extended nursing is okay as long as mutually enjoyed by both. I was getting to the point where it wasn't always mutual. Her latch was getting lazy at times (which could make me sore), she was down to once a day or less and I was starting to feel less comfortable nursing her. I was sad to stop as she's my only child, but she seemed to handle it just fine.

Do any of you have infants/toddlers in bed, but not your older child? I am not quick to give this up, like I said, she's my only child and I'm trying to savor it all as long as possible. I'm just not sure if she is going to want to sleep with us forever. It is nice to have privacy once in a while. I'm also trying to decide if I should get her a twin size bed for her room come fall. I don't want too spend the money yet if she won't sleep in it. She has a toddler bed in her room that is getting to small for her as she's quite tall (not that she ever sleeps in it lately) She slept in it on and off for several months but is back to being with us all the time. I'm kind of afraid if I do encourage her to sleep in there once in a while that she'll never want to sleep with us again. I certainly enjoy having her in bed when daddy is out of town as I don't like sleeping alone. He'll be in Hong Kong for a week in Oct.

So I guess I am just trying to get support on this, seeing what other peoples co-sleeping is like. I really don't know anyone around me anymore that co-sleeps.


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## KimberMama (Mar 8, 2002)

We share sleep about half the night (4 hours in their own beds, 6 hours in the family bed). The boys are welcome to come to our bed once I've fallen asleep (I have sleep troubles). They are 5 and 6 and show no signs of wanting to stop cosleeping, although occasionally one will "forget" to come to the family bed and will be sad about it.

Kimberly


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

I expect ds to be in our bed at least another year. He is 40 months and still nursing, night nursing, and cosleeping. He has never spent a night out of our bed.

My cousin - who has 6 children who she has coslept with - says "the child will leave the family bed when he is ready" - she won't give me a definitive age. I like this. BC I won't have it in the back of my mind that "oh, by the time he is ___ age he will be out of my bed". We don't mind having him in our bed; in fact, we love it... and there is no rush to boot him out. I'm sure in a couple of years he'll start wanting to sleep in his own room (he already has a twin bed) but even so he'll still be visiting our bed for quite some time.









ETA: privacy is not an issue; we leave him in the bed and go to other areas of our 3 room apartment for privacy. His twin bed is also good for "privacy" (gotta use it once in a while, right?)


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## MomBirthmomStepmom (May 14, 2005)

My dss left the family bed at age 8, and now at 9 1/2 still wants back in alot of the time. (we did kinda push for him to be in his own bed, as I'm the step-mom, and we'd moved in together. We agreed it was for the best)


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## Mommy Piadosa (Jul 4, 2005)

ok- you may want to sit down for this one- dh co slept with his boys until age 15, 13 and 10. they co slept as a family for years, but when his first dw left it was so traumatic for all involved that they co slept for a long time. dh says there was no cuddling going on- just the comfort of knowing someone else was there.
my kids all left on their own accord at about 5 or 6, but still come in in the wee hours of the morning for their cuddles. so in the am i have a 6 yo an 8 yo and a 10 mo in bed w/ me.


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## Patchfire (Dec 11, 2001)

Dd is five and sleeps with us every night. Ds sleeps between me & a bedrail, then me, then dd, then dh. She's not nursing still - she self-weaned over the weekend. Had a weaning party and everything. But I expect she'll be in our bed 90% of the time for at least another year... and I expect she'll come into our bed off and on for years. She's really looking forward to when she can sleep next to ds!


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## mackenziesmama (May 24, 2005)

We co-slept with our son (who's now 3.5yrs old) until he was about 6 months old. He's in his own bed. We moved him out mainly because we gave in to the pressures of our families and because we won't educated. He wasn't sleeping well with us, very restless and awake a lot at night. Looking back, he probably just wanted to nurse, but I wasn't very in tune to him at the time due to him using a pacifier, him going to daycare, etc.

Since the beginning of my pregnancy with our now six month old daughter, we've been doing things very differant. She sleeps with us, no pacifier, I stay at home, and I'm very in tune wiht her and her needs. We have no plans of moving her out anytime soon, and will allow her to sleep with us as long as she desires.

Big brother is ok with this, and has never questioned why he can't sleep with us and the baby. If I could do things over, I would have him in our bed still.


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

Our 9.5 yr old dd sleeps with us still, mostly. She also sleeps in her room sometimes.

I see this as something like child led weaning. When she is ready, she will move. It has started already, and is a gradual process, just like how she weaned.

We're a small family - an only child. There is no sibling for her to sleep with. She does great at sleepovers - there are other girls in the room and she feels secure. She just really wants someone in the room with her.

Also, our house is not conducive to sleeping in her room. The way it is laid out makes it hard. Her room butts up against the front door. And the door makes a lot of noise when it closes. So anyone opening the door (DH going to work, me up early and letting the dog out, etc.) wakes her if she's in her room. We are planning on moving, just not right away.

I have trouble sleeping and don't like to be crowded. So we have a king size bed with a twin jammed right up against it - lots of room for everyone.

And yes, "privacy" can happen in other rooms. I sure like our futon couch, ha ha.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Let's see, we kind of play "musical beds" in my family.

The girls have their own bedroom with 2 twin beds in it. My room has a queen sized bed, a twin mattress on the floor, and a crib mattress that I keep under my bed. Most nights, ds sleeps in the big bed with me, dd9 sleeps on the twin mattress on the floor, and dd10 sleeps on the couch! Sometimes I wake up with one or both of the girls in the big bed as well. Both of them would gladly sleep in my bed most nights, except that ds gets squished and kicks them out (literally.) One night last week, ds and I were in the big bed, dd9 was in the twin bed on the floor, and dd10 was on the crib mattress!!

Did I mention that the twin beds for the girls were a gift from my parents to "bribe" them to get out of my room? :LOL


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

I was a single mommy so I coslept with my dd till she was 8.
I still cosleep (although he has his own mattress next to ours) with my 3 year old ds.
I coslept with my youngest two until they were only 6 months old (twins were much more complicated).
Joline


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## meco (Mar 1, 2004)

My son is only 2.5, but he co-sleeps still and no end in sight. I have a one bedroom and one bed. I have a toddler bed that was given to us underneath my bed, but there is is and there it shall be. I am a single mama too so I expect my son to be in my bed for many more years.

And oh how I love co-sleeping!







It is wonderful. I am in no hurry for it to end.

Plus there are many more places to do any other non sleeping business


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

I think it's different for everyone. Some may co-sleep until the kids are older, some not. Dd is 3.5, and about 3 months ago we brought a twin size mattress into our room and let her pick out some sheets for it. She loved it and wanted to sleep in it. Most of the time she would climb into our bed early in the morning. Last weekend, she started talking about wanting a pink room to sleep in. We got some pink paint and got her room ready. We moved the twin mattress in there and she picked out a nice quilt. She loves her new room. I still lay down with her to help her get to sleep, and she still comes in with us early in the morning. We'll allow her into our bed anytime she wants. Like weaning, I think co-sleeping will come to a natural end if it's allowed.


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## ParisAnne (Jul 18, 2004)

Oh yes we do have privacy in the guest room, the living room, ocassionally on the floor of our bedroom when she is sound asleep if we have visitors and can't go anywhere else. It would just be nice to use our bed a little more. She is ocassionally gone long enough for us to use it. My sister insisted on taking dd out for a walk last week so we could have some grown-up time.


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## ParisAnne (Jul 18, 2004)

I love co-sleeping too. I guess it's just sometimes hard to feel so great about it when no one else I know does it. It's nice to talk about it here. Of course it's not easy when family says things. When we stayed at my moms last time she said something like, 'I guess we'll have to be getting Payton something to sleep on soon.' I asked Why? She said b/c the queen bed is probably getting to small for us (her guest bed) I told her no, actually I used to hate the three of us squeezing into a queen bed as she squirmed so much when she was younger, but now I actually prefer it sometimes as we are all snuggled close instead of being so spread out on the king. There are times when we sleep on the queen guest bed in our house for a week at a time. I just take my time getting to remaking the king bed.


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## loomweaver (Aug 17, 2004)

:


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

We have 3 kids, DS is 5, DD1 is 3.5, DD2 is 19 months. All 3 kids start out the night in their own beds. DS only coslept for a few months, as he slept better by himself. DD1 and DD2 share a room, and both transitioned out of our room at the same time, when DD1 was 2.5 and DD2 was 1. Both girls are still nursing, and I nurse both of them before they go to sleep. Both of them still need to be parented to sleep. At this point, we put them in bed, and either DH or I sit in their until they fall asleep.

However, we have an open bed policy, and room for everyone should they wish to join us. We have our queen bed on the floor, with a twin pushed next to it. Each morning when we wake up, both DD1 and DD2 are in bed with us, and DS occasionally joins us. The girls wander in anywhere between midnight at 5am.

This is the solution that works best for our family. If something changes and it's not working anymore, we'll change it







I, too, love cuddling with my kids at night. I feel that I would really be missing out if I didn't have the chance to sleep with my kids anymore.

Quote:

Like weaning, I think co-sleeping will come to a natural end if it's allowed.
I couldn't agree more.


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## Momalea (Dec 29, 2002)

I'm in Seattle and co-sleep (in fact most if not all of my friends still do) so you're not alone!
My dd will be 5 next month. We have had a queen up next to a twin since she was 8 months old, but she slept between us until she was 3. When she was 3 she moved into "her" bed, which is smack dab up next to the queen, but she considers it "hers". This has worked really well for all of us, as she seems to sleep heavier and I don't get kicked as much.
I have no idea what we'll do when she actually wants her own room as we have none to offer her...so, I'm hoping she's happy with this situation for a long time to come.


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## lula (Feb 26, 2003)

We co-sleep. DD is 4. I don't see her leaving anytime soon. I think in fact the only way to have her move beds (and we are not trying) is to get a large dog for her to sleep with or a sibling!


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

DD (6.5) and DS (4 this month) both co-sleep with us.

DD has gone through times where she slept in her own room, but right now isn't one of them.

When DD was an infant she would only sleep on DP's or my chest. I spent weeks just wishing she would sleep someone else. Then she did. And I've spent years wishing she could sleep on my chest again. I'm really trying to not repeat that mistake.


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## ParisAnne (Jul 18, 2004)

That sounds very sweet, thanks.


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## ParisAnne (Jul 18, 2004)

You know I went to visit my best friend yesterday and our dd's are the same age, and now they have a ds 10 months old. I totally forgot, Hello, they co-sleep. So they are a great example to me.


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## Jasha (Jul 8, 2005)

Hi, I've been poking around on different forums for the last few days. Trying to enjoy all the common ground that I wish I had the last two years!

We have a king size mattress on the floor in my daughter's room. I always sleep in there with her, and my partner joins when he doesn't need a great night sleep for work. My daughter and I both tend to move around and she gets up once during the night to nurse. This arrangement seems to work the best because our bedroom is still our bedroom and my daughter feels like she has some space if she needs it. We've been through many combinations trying to figure this out!


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

My DH and I slept with our children until they were around eleven. We put two full sized futons on the floor in the family room and slept there each night, rolling them up in the daytime for floorspace.

Our youngest slept with us until DH died. He slept with me for about six- nine months after DH passed on. Once in a great while, he still asks to sleep with me or his brother who is twenty.

A bit off topic, but my DH would give DS a bottle for the longest time...When DS was six, I told DS that he was really too big now for the bottle; he would bite the tops off the nipple and simply drink the liquid out...Soooo, my DS took the bottle, and went into the living room, and said goodbye to his bottle, and that was that!


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## megpaw (Apr 19, 2005)

Our almost 26-month-old twin dd's are still co-sleeping, but I am not sure how much longer it is going to continue. I'm starting to have trouble sleeping, and I'm afraid it will just be too crowded once the new baby comes in January. They have shown some signs that they are ready to sleep without dh and I, so I'm going to put a full-size bed in the room across the hall from us and see if they are willing to give it a try. If not, we'll figure something else out. Even if they do end up in their own bed, I'm sure we'll get lots of late night visits!


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