# For fun...you know you're the parent of a toddler if...



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

Okay, mamas/parents, let's have some fun.

You know you're the parent of a toddler if...

1. The only fresh fruit you've eaten this summer is the squashed leftovers from your child's tray.

2. Your child has been introduced to the menstrual arts since you can't use the bathroom on your own anymore.

3. You catch yourself saying "Mommy needs a drink now" even though your child's asleep.

4. You can discuss the contents of your child's diaper with enthusiasm and true interest.

5. You can recite "Go, Dog. Go!" in your sleep.

6. "Getting dressed to go out" means changing out of your p.j.s and putting on sweats.

7. You have an immediate kinship with other toddler parents.

8. Taking a bath on your own seems just a little lonely.

ETA:

9. 7:00 a.m. is "sleeping in."

10. Going to bed early is much, much more exciting that staying up late.

And we're off...


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

1. You've read 14758746520 books today and none of them were longer than 10 pages...

2. You've ridden your bike around the block 10x and your toddler wants "just one more" (10 more times)

3. You play legos like all day long

4. There has already been 10 tantrums before lunch...

5. You are dying to get to Barnes & Noble to play with the trains already (your 15 min break LOL)

6. You haven't had a meal without said toddler on your lap in months...

7. You can not get her to go to bed for the life of you and milkies just no longer do the trick!

8. Naps become more of a choice than a requirement

9. You find yourself saying "No streaking in the park!" at least once a month

10. You suddenly have to kiss, hug, and nurse all the stuffed animals as well as your LO


----------



## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

1) Instead of speaking about yourself in the 1st person, you refer to yourself as mommy to everyone you come across, like baristas and car mechanics.

2) You have a running dialogue of the day's events, even if you are alone, and people look at you like your crazy as you talk to yourself in a sing songy voice.

3) Running out of "wet ones" is a catastrophe.

4) You have a baby potty in your car.


----------



## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

you know where EVERY public rest room is in the tri state area because "bathroom visiting" has become a new hobby during potty training.

You fight the other mom for one of the "car" grocery carts

you have a fresh pair of undies in your purse

you sing the ABC song when washing your hands ( and the toddler is not present at the time)

You FINALLY get to go someplace by yourself ( after your spouse sees the signs of mommy break down... ya know what they are ) and you realize you are listening and singing along to toddler music/dvds the whole way.


----------



## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

You have to start hiding things in order to not hear the whining and begging. I'm talking about things like toys they shouldn't play with because they need help since they're too complicated, shoes that they can't put on themselves, food that is too messy to carry around. LOL....ahhhh, I am at that age yet again with # 3. And here I thought I would be a grandma next time this age rolled around, lol. It's still hard to get used to having another toddler in the house.


----------



## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *caedenmomma*
> 
> 2. Your child has been introduced to the menstrual arts since you can't use the bathroom on your own anymore.
> 
> ...


I love these 4!!! Hilarious and SO TRUE!!


----------



## myfairbabies (Jun 4, 2006)

You say things like "We don't take our clothes off at church"

You find crumbs in your bra from the last time your toddler nursed after a snack

You apologize to strangers in public restrooms who get standing ovations

Your child isn't the only one in the house having tantrums

You sleep half as many hours as your single sister and feel fine while she complains about being tired


----------



## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

HAHAHHAHA! I love "You get dressed by changing out of your p.j.'s and putting on sweats" and "You say things like, 'We don't take our clothes off at church'". Those could not be more true!!!!!

1) You have a tote bag that reminds you a little bit of Mary Poppins - books, training pants, fruits, nutcrackers, sunscreen, extra clothes, whatever. You name it, it's in your tiny bag.

2) You have long since given up on the idea of your own plate. Or your own bathroom. Or your own...... etc.

3) The first thing you do upon arrival anywhere is locate the bathroom and make sure it's quickly accessible for that "Mom! Potty!" moment.

4) You frequently repeat phrases like "Hands are not for hitting", "Night time is nap time", "Because we're a family and we love each other", etc. etc. etc.

5) The questions "Why" and "Why not" are burned into your brain.


----------



## Caitlin0919 (Dec 4, 2009)

You've had to clean applesauce out of marker lids.


----------



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

You have eaten the applesauce out of marker lids.


----------



## Brandybutter (Jun 5, 2011)

* You wear swim goggles and funny hats around the house to keep the mood light

* You turn every request into a song (it works!)

* The 5 second rule of safely eating food off the flour is now 5 hrs

This is fun! I'm sure I'll think of more. Love the responses so far!


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Brandybutter*
> 
> * The 5 second rule of safely eating food off the flour is now 5 hrs










This is soooooooooo my house!

OK, I'll play!

1. Your entire house becomes top-heavy from all of the child-proofing. You swear that those top shelves are going to collapse any day from all of the weight....

2. You get so desperate for time to yourself--or time to cook!-- that you cave and let them play with questionable or uber-messy items (kitchen gadget drawer, anybody?)

3. You can name at least five different methods or recipes for lifting pee out of carpet.

4. When you run errands alone, you still can't stop looking around for where the little stinker may have bolted off to....

5. You can't remember things you learned in college--like the 5 layers of Maslow's Hierarchy or a recitation of stanzas from the Rubbayat--but you can name at least 12 trains from Thomas the Tank Engine and sing along with the theme song.


----------



## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

OH I have a doozie for ya

You have been to Lowes both inside to select a paint color and buy paint brushes tape etc and the garden center for potting soil all while wearing 3 sparkly stickers on your face ( one being a star between your eyebrows)

yes I did


----------



## MrsShow (Apr 14, 2007)

"Is that Poop or Peanut Butter" is a valid question when you see something on your toddlers hand, and you are not sure what Dad made for breakfast.


----------



## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Your landlord hasn't painted in years, but your walls sport lovely new original artwork and it increases daily.


----------



## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

You are crouching on the floor collecting up the contents of your wallet (again) and someone "posts" a wrapped pantyliner down the back of your jeans.


----------



## hakeber (Aug 3, 2005)

you have a favorite show on Discovery Kids.

You know the best hits from Yo Gabba Gabba.

You haven't left the house in a spotless shirt in the last year.

You are the milk with someone's cookies. (ouch!)


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

A frequent sentence is "don't feed you (baby) brother crackers"


----------



## Nan411 (Nov 20, 2010)

lol, these are so true...I have some

1. You consider it a treat to use the bathroom or take a shower by yourself

2. However, when you finally get to use the bathroom or take a shower you don't enjoy it because you're paranoid that your dc will wake up from his/her nap and start screaming.

3. You are out by yourself and freak out yelling, "where's the baby" (forgetting you left him with his dad)

4. You start debating whether daycare is really that bad

5. Your kid is doing something destructive but you just let him since it will keep him busy for a few minutes


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

Your husband answers the ringing house phone just as you yell "WE DON'T PUT BINKIES IN OUR VAGINA" for the third time. (Thankfully it was my parents calling.

You have to ask your child not to answer every question with their finger up their nose (a thinking finger perhaps?)

You let your toddler play on the kitchen counter so you can go on MDC and respond to a thread about being a parent of a toddler







.

You find yourself examining poop wondering "What made it that color today?"

You don't know what clothes are clean or dirty because even if you manage to fold them and put them away - HAH- they all get pulled out again, thrown on the floor and mixed up.

You find yourself picking up old crackers, granola bars, cookies etc off the floor and eating them too, 5 hours later.

There's more, oh yes, there's more but we are currently arguing about playing with the coffee pot so I have to go!


----------



## midnightmommy (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Nan411*
> 
> lol, these are so true...I have some
> 
> ...


Number 5 all the way! My husband will never understand that one.

You spend half the day figuring out what "Dat" is,

You spend the other half trying to figure out if they are really hungry or thirsty, and will they really eat the "Dat" that they are pointing at.


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

when you go to get your DC up from their nap and find they took their diaper off and put it on their Teddy Bear. (it was wet







)


----------



## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

You calmly respond to your child's shrieks by fastening the velcro of his hat 50 times in 20 minutes as he takes it off and puts it on and gets frustrated every.single.time. that he can't fasten it himself. (And when he leaves the room you grumble and swear under your breath.)


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Thought of another one! You're so desperate for a "quicky" with your DP that you decide that the Master closet is actually pretty romantic...and that maybe Dora and Diego aren't so bad after all.


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Turquesa*
> 
> Thought of another one! You're so desperate for a "quicky" with your DP that you decide that the Master closet is actually pretty romantic...and that maybe Dora and Diego aren't so bad after all.


I will only say this: I owe the recurrence of my romantic life with DH to Kipper- I love that little dog







.


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

When you hate the alphabets C (Cee for Kat? Kow? Kar? Really?) or W (Double-U for Whale? Worm?). And love the alphabets X (X for X-ray) or Z (Z for Zebra).

When a thrill goes through your spine whenever you LO uses a new word correctly. And you didn't even teach them that.....


----------



## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

1. When the house is quiet, something has gone horribly wrong.

2. Anything you are holding automatically belongs to your child, until the child has it whereupon ownership is transfered back to you. And so on.

3. Answering questions becomes completely pointless, as it only serves to bring up many many many more questions.

4. Dinner conversation is quite literally, talking about dinner. "I have peas. Daddy has peas. Mommy has peas. Mommy, you eat peas? Daddy, you eat mommy's peas? No, you eat daddy's peas! I eat my peas. DON'T EAT MY PEAS!"

5. You live in a universe where the past and the future do not exist, there is only RIGHT NOW.


----------



## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

That's awesome.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *JBaxter*
> 
> OH I have a doozie for ya
> 
> ...


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

Sorry....wrong post


----------



## Tonia Starr (May 14, 2011)

You announce a new house rule : "We wear pants at the dinner table"

You fish random stuff out of the toilet all day. Ie: socks, shoes, blocks, etc....

You announce another new house rule: "We don't lick the dog"

There is food in the VCR slot

Your potty training child poops in the yard like a dog and all you can think is "thank god it wasnt inside on the carpet."

You shout out "cycles!" when a motorcycle drves past your car, even when you are alone.

Everything is WE Ie: "we don't throw our food, we don't scream inside, etc" even though YOU don't do that stuff.....

You find toys in the fridge. And food in the toybox.


----------



## whozeyermamma (Oct 11, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dazedstella*
> 
> Your husband answers the ringing house phone just as you yell "WE DON'T PUT BINKIES IN OUR VAGINA" for the third time. (Thankfully it was my parents calling.










I remember this with my DD.


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

Spotting of every insect in your yard makes you squeal with excitement (even though you never really cared for bugs). 'Oh look , a ladybug. Lookie - a bee"

You automatically "keep an eye" on another toddler who seems to be a little too far away from their parent (or the parent is a little distracted) in public places until the parent joins them.

You have developed the ability to walk on small toys strewn or hidden in the carpet. And you don't even flinch!

You finally, finally get some lone time to talk to your spouse alone in non-hushed tones and feel so liberated if you can manage a swear word in the conversation.

Your conversation is strewn with spellings. "Do you think she should get an i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m now?


----------



## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

I didn't read all of them, but this one is certainly true for me, every time!

- When out by yourself on that one-hour time alone, you have a panic moment because you realize you are no longer holding your child and can't see them!

- You continue to find cheerios around the living room, even though cheerios are a table-and-outside food

-you find yourself explaining silly things, like "no, sweetheart, you already have pants on, see? You can only wear one pair at a time." and "The food only comes in a cooked version. No, I can't 'un-cook' it."


----------



## kitteh (Jun 25, 2009)

*Half of your diet consists of dropped, leftover, or rejected food from your toddler's plate.

*You've lowered your standards for acceptable surfaces from which to eat said food (five second rule, am I right?)

*You don't think the previous two points are that big of a deal until you're at a playdate with the neighbors and you eat a large crumb of something off your toddler's face, only to realize that was not, in fact, YOUR toddler you just ate from.


----------



## persephonecalls (Jan 24, 2008)

You are stumped daily figuring out how to deal your toddlers observations & questions "Mama have no penis?" "Car hungry?" "Car go poopoo?"


----------



## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

You don't think it's off that there are 17 books, 3 stuffed animals, 4 shirts and 7830 blocks on the bed your kid sleeps in.
You don't even flinch when you roll over on a matchbox car at 3am.
You think eggs and broccoli smothered in ketchup (or some other weird combos) are perfectly acceptable meals.
You think "why?" is a four letter word.
Thomas the Tank Engine is either you new best friend or your worst enemy.
You spend more time trying to convince your kid that you can't eat the fruit until you pay for it then you do actually shopping
You've paid for fruit with large bites taken out of it.


----------



## pranava (Aug 11, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mommy68*
> 
> You have to start hiding things in order to not hear the whining and begging.


Hey thanks! This post just reminded me to go throw away the half eaten sticky sucker on the top of DS's dresser. Hid it there to stop the whining when it kept "falling" on the ground and getting dog hair stuck to it. Whine - "It's dirty!!!!!!!! You need to rinse it!!!!!! Wahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


----------



## bignerpie (Apr 16, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Turquesa*
> 
> Thought of another one! You're so desperate for a "quicky" with your DP that you decide that the Master closet is actually pretty romantic...and that maybe Dora and Diego aren't so bad after all.


This one goes in my "You know you're the parent of a newborn if..." Since the baby was sleeping in our bed, we ended up in the closet!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dazedstella*
> 
> I will only say this: I owe the recurrence of my romantic life with DH to Kipper- I love that little dog
> 
> ...


If it weren't for Kipper, I probably wouldn't be pregnant right now!


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

If you perpetually carry "TV guilt". How else can you get some things done otherwise?

On another note: What is this Kipper things gals? I mean my DD watches kipper alright but where is the romantic angle? Is it that your LOs watch Kipper so intently that they give you lone time? That cannot be it because that could hold true for even Caillou. So what is it? PLEASE?


----------



## myfairbabies (Jun 4, 2006)

You buy a bunch of bananas at the beginning of your grocery trip so your LO has something to snack on

You buy fruit/veggies that come in pints just so your kid can eat them without buying them first

The only way to get someone to stop asking "what's that?" is to turn it around and say "I don't know, what is it?"


----------



## TerrahMother (Apr 21, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Blessed_Mom*
> 
> Is it that your LOs watch Kipper so intently that they give you lone time?


Yes! Netflix is definitely in the top ten inventions of all time!! And so is the "repeat" button on media players!

YKYTPOATI:

:: You're in the waiting room (mechanic's, doctor's, etc.) and you call the front desk from your cell to ask a question, even though it's ten steps away, just so you can continue to sit down and relax before DC wants to roam and play (with you, of course)... and you don't care what look the receptionist gave you when she saw you sitting right there.

:: Your "free" time on the computer is A) playing a show in one program so you can browse in another, B) holding a sleeping DC and typing one-handed (and you've almost reached your two-handed typing speed!), or C) draping a sleeping DC over your lap so DC will stay asleep and you can type two-handed.

:: Every activity you do -- yardwork, housework, cooking, bathing, etc. -- automatically includes a Plan B, C, and D in case DC wants to participate or you can't finish.

:: You have stopped the water in the shower several times during a bath because you swear you heard a cry from your napping toddler (who is always still blissfully napping).

:: On a bad day (and sometimes good ones), you crave the company of other toddler moms -- but don't want to clean the house, take the time, deal with their toddlers, handle a tantrum from your own when it's time to go, or sacrifice a precious free moment -- in order to even visit.

:: You are surprised and somewhat bewildered when someone says your real name.

:: You have a camera at the ready for all events (including funny feats and phrases).

:: You are secretly beaming with pride after you composed a song on the fly that your toddler wants repeated, just to lighten the mood going to a necessary appointment.

:: Your toddler invites someone else to play with him instead of you for a change, and you feel happy and sad at the same time.

:: You think formal living and dining rooms are ridiculous fairy tales.

:: You don't make phone calls to anyone except those you are confident know what being on the phone with an awake toddler is like (this goes for people you like and don't like).


----------



## kitteh (Jun 25, 2009)

You open the printer up to fix a paper jam and find about a million foam bath toys and the sunglasses you thought you lost a week ago stuffed in the paper tray.


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

:: You have stopped the water in the shower several times during a bath because you swear you heard a cry from your napping toddler (who is always still blissfully napping).

This gets my best vote!


----------



## eblindauer (Mar 20, 2011)

you cant help but laugh when they are being naughty because even though it annoys you its slightly amusing too.

your greatist entertainment of the day is something your children did

you laugh at your friends when they ask you to go out, even though you desperatly wish you could

you get to actually go out with said friend and all you can think about is your children and find that dancing to kid songs is much better than what ever song is playing

you find yourself using your mommy voice to complete strangers

you let your child answer bill collector calls

you find colored pencils in places you didnt even know exsisted

the couch cushions are a trampoline

stickers can stick anywhere!

find that you get more into the arguements with your child than anyone else

find your self counting to your husband 

find it amazing how many times you can repeat the same thing before nap

nap turns into a requirement for you and not the child

computer turns into your alone time, with a billion questions here and there.....


----------



## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

...every time you go to use your stand mixer the bowl is full of refrigerator magnets and you have to rinse out the dirt, dog hair, and bits of food before using it.


----------



## mollipop (Dec 5, 2009)

You've exchanged the spit-up stains on the front of your shirt (that you can see and change clothes if need be) for sticky handprints on your butt (that you can't see! and wear around all day!)


----------



## eblindauer (Mar 20, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mollipop*
> 
> You've exchanged the spit-up stains on the front of your shirt (that you can see and change clothes if need be) for sticky handprints on your butt (that you can't see! and wear around all day!)


for some reason that reminded me of the sticker i slept with on my neck and didnt notice it until this morning! lol


----------



## candelaria80 (Nov 21, 2009)

You match your LO's meals to their outfit that day for easy stain camouflage .


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

if you're walking home from the grocery store and look down to find chocolate smeared over your sling.


----------



## mirandahope (Nov 10, 2005)

you have a toy truck driven all over you because you are loved and trusted

your child wants to flush the toilet after you have used it because he/she wants to praise you for using the toilet so well

You know how to respond to "I'm going to walk to Santa's house now"


----------



## mirandahope (Nov 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Brandybutter*
> 
> * You wear swim goggles and funny hats around the house to keep the mood light
> 
> ...


What a good idea to sing! and to make it silly


----------



## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kitteh*
> 
> You open the printer up to fix a paper jam and find about a million foam bath toys and the sunglasses you thought you lost a week ago stuffed in the paper tray.


I just checked my printer and there was a stuffed lion in there.


----------



## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *candelaria80*
> 
> You match your LO's meals to their outfit that day for easy stain camouflage .


This is the best idea ever!


----------



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

We had to put our printer in the basement (along with much of other things we used to have upstairs) since DS2 (16 months) constantly was pounding on it. Maybe we should do another thread of wacky things we've had to do to our houses because of our little ones! Currently, all of our chairs are laid down on their backs since DS2 climbs them and falls down. Our house looks just great.


----------



## callahansmama (Mar 21, 2011)

You have peed with someone on your lap

You have driven down the road with one hand holding your sleeping child's head in the backseat so he doesn't get a sore neck


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

you are constantly calling family members and close friends because your child wants to talk to them.


----------



## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Rolled toilet paper is a luxury you put out for guests. opening the cabinet/drawer to retrieve your pieces. what is it about neat toilet paper that drives a toddler crazy?


----------



## pastrypuff (May 18, 2011)

So true about the toilet paper!

Here are mine:

The toilet paper is unrolled and you don't know if it was the cat or your toddler but you think they team up on you.

You spend all day trying to get them to eat actual food! But for some reason grass, lint, paper and goodness knows what else they find on the floor ends up in their mouth and that tastes better??

You can count how many trips you've made to the bathroom with them when they say 'bathroom' and don't really have to go. But you aren't sure if you went at all today...?

Naps are gladly accepted because you need a break too


----------



## TerrahMother (Apr 21, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Marissamom*
> 
> you are constantly calling family members and close friends because your child wants to talk to them.


This! Yesterday and today!

:: You buy handheld items you need ultra cheap because you know you have to buy two for the "real" one to last any time and not get lost or broken... and toy replicas just won't do (think phone, camera, headphones, keys, etc.).

:: You can easily bear 10 repetitions in a row of the same word and are somewhat surprised that others are annoyed by this.

:: The pet store is the "zoo."

:: You wish your eyes were cameras to capture all the super-cute events because they almost always happen when no one else is around and too fast to grab the camera in time

:: You know a second language your toddler taught you.


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

With the intellectual precision of Sherlock Holmes, you can identify EXACTLY what pokey and painful object you've stepped on BEFORE you even look down at it. ($%$#%! plastic stegasaurus!)

You've replaced your entire vulgar vocabulary with cleaned up swear words: Shoot! Fudge! Tuna fish!


----------



## mamaprovides (Jun 4, 2011)

Terrahmother: :: You're in the waiting room (mechanic's, doctor's, etc.) and you call the front desk from your cell to ask a question, even though it's ten steps away, just so you can continue to sit down and relax before DC wants to roam and play (with you, of course)... and you don't care what look the receptionist gave you when she saw you sitting right there.

laughed so hard my toddler came over to investigate...

turquesa: my current is "GOD....bless america"...to which my son now says, "GA bess 'mair-ka"

1. you suffer from mommy stolkholm syndrome...you are screaming for time alone but when you get it you are just anxious to get back.

2. you have wiped your spouse's mouth (or god help you, his/her nose) and you didn't even notice the infraction.

3. in an effort to figure out which cereal has less sugar you parrot, "yes, that man has a penis...yes, he puts pee in the toilet...yes, I have a vagina" and are half way down the next aisle you realize you should be embarrassed.

4. Your date night dinner conversation is about housing prices in Sheetrock Hills...or if Sesame Street has coop housing...and if maybe Dora's parents are a little too hands off (even if it is a volcano with balls...it is still an active volcano!)

5. You and your mommy friends talk (genuinely) about who's hotter: the man in the yellow hat or father bear or handy manny (imo, hands down handy manny, he can fix EVERYTHING in your house...in less than 30 minutes...how is that not hot?...the man in the yellow hat is too hands off and is always with a different woman...what is he doing with Mrs. Needleman at the train station?...and father bear...that guy is never around)

6. you not only know the name of EVERY construction vehicle, can correct the contractor (who turns and says, oh yea, you're right) on which is which, but while driving down the highway start waving emphatically and getting excited "OHHHH Bulldozer, Roller" and then realize you are alone in the car or they are asleep.

7. there is a suspicious wet spot in your bed...and you scooch over so it can dry.

8. you have an impressive list of things you can do while breastfeeding (I can use a cordless drill...)

9. you can read the book of choice (currently, even firefighters go to the potty) while reading your email.

10. you and your spouse place bets with diaper changes as currency.

11. you go to kiss your husband goodnight (in the hallway since toddler already in bed) and blow raspberries on his check...and then realize he has a freakishly large head.

12. Your spouse picking up toys from the living room rug is foreplay ^_^

welcome to my life...enjoy


----------



## hakeber (Aug 3, 2005)

You pack only slightly less for an afternoon at the beach than you do for a two week holiday to the beach.

You find yourself screaming "It's Poo, not body paint!!!!"

You're packing for the new house and you could SWEAR you already packed that box!!


----------



## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

I think your toddler and mine could be best friends.....

My hubby and I frequently ponder over where exactly Sheetrock Hills IS in the world - snowstorms, desert, beach clean up...?

My DS taught me all the different construction trucks and points them out excitedly everywhere we go.

I totally suffer from mommy stolkholm too!!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamaprovides*
> 
> Terrahmother: :: You're in the waiting room (mechanic's, doctor's, etc.) and you call the front desk from your cell to ask a question, even though it's ten steps away, just so you can continue to sit down and relax before DC wants to roam and play (with you, of course)... and you don't care what look the receptionist gave you when she saw you sitting right there.
> 
> ...


----------



## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

You have discussed with just about *everyone* ideas to get your nearly 3 year old--who can wipe, flush, talks about it.....to actually put the poo and pee in the potty!

You have offered underwear in many characters, large toy trucks, candy, trips.....nada.

You find yourself saying things like "well, if you want to be a cowboy...you can't potty on the horsie...Cowboys use the potty." LOL

can you tell I am at my wit's end? This is my 3rd. The first one was completely toilet trained, I think nights too, by now. DD was completly poop trained for sure and probably 98% for pee. This one? WILL. NOT. DO. IT.


----------



## juniper_mama (Jul 30, 2010)

Quote:


> You wish your eyes were cameras to capture all the super-cute events because they almost always happen when no one else is around and too fast to grab the camera in time


YES YES YES all the time!

My addition to this awesome thread:

Nearly every day you find yourself uttering sentences that may just have been said for the first time ever. "Uh oh is that a race car driver in the blender?"


----------



## bignerpie (Apr 16, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamaprovides*
> 
> 1. you suffer from mommy stolkholm syndrome...you are screaming for time alone but when you get it you are just anxious to get back.


My name is bignerpie, and I suffer from Mommy Stockholm.









Usually my big "away time" is when I get my hair cut. I think about all the fun things I could do while out and about by myself... but then I end up just going home.


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

This is me completely. Even if I go out when she's sleeping the entire time I'm like "OMG what if she wakes up and I'm not there!?" Even though DH is there but he doesn't have boobs! LOL

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bignerpie*
> 
> My name is bignerpie, and I suffer from Mommy Stockholm.
> 
> ...


----------



## bignerpie (Apr 16, 2009)

Just thought of one-

When you actually manage to make your bed, it only stays that way for approximately 45 seconds.


----------



## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bignerpie*
> 
> Just thought of one-
> 
> When you actually manage to make your bed, it only stays that way for approximately 45 seconds.


Wait - you mean you've made your bed since having child(ren)...?


----------



## curiouslysane (Jul 16, 2011)

- 'dinner party hour' has moved from 7:30pm to 4pm

- you have standard protocol for such situations as 'poo in tub'

- for Christmas you asked your partner for a night at a hotel. Not with him, though... just a good book and room service.


----------



## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *curiouslysane*
> 
> - 'dinner party hour' has moved from 7:30pm to 4pm
> 
> ...












Totally -- when people tell me events start at 10 or 11pm I just look at them like they're aliens. (Well, they are, you know.)

I find myself saying things to my screaming toddler like, "yeah, you can have your bath back just as soon as I clean all the poop out of the tub." Absurd that we have these discussions in a rational, conversational tone with a toddler screaming, "bath! bath! bath!" while collapsing on the floor as if it is the end of the world. (Oh, and my mother actually said to me that she thought that kids just naturally didn't poop in the water because none of hers (four!) ever pooped in the bathtub!?!)

OMG, I totally want that gift! And he can give it to me tomorrow -- forget Christmas!


----------



## SilverFish (Jan 14, 2010)

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *anjsmama*
> 
> Wait - you mean you've made your bed since having child(ren)...?


my dd started daycare last week, but i don't start work until the end of the month. to celebrate her first full day, i cleaned the house from TOP TO BOTTOM. i pulled the stove and fridge out and swept underneath. i cleaned the corners of my bathroom with a rag! i vacuumed the baseboards! (made the beds, too).

24 hours later, i surveyed my house: crusted oatmeal on the kitchen floor. hummus hand prints on the sofa. boxes of toys strewn across the living room and the entire contents of the bookshelf helpfully deconstructed on the floor. bed sheets on the floor, sticky marks on every glass surface, shoes and clothes everywhere, pee on the bathmat.

sigh. i give up. at least the dust bunny collection has been culled?


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

You know your the parent of a toddler when you throw on a (clean) dress for church and find noodle food goo spread across it! (this morning, it came out of the drawer like that!)


----------



## wishin'&hopin' (Jun 2, 2008)

When you feel suspiciously warm wetness soak into the back of your shirt whilst baby wearing and rather than wake up the FINALLY fallen asleep toddler you think "well at least urine is sterile."


----------



## bignerpie (Apr 16, 2009)

My son has been giving me a lot of inspiration lately...

You make soup but can't find the soup ladle. You finally find it in the bottom of the toy box, wipe it off with the bottom of your shirt, and pour yourself some soup.


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

when your child is excited when they can finally reach the lightswitch in their room, then throws a temper tantrum when they realize it's not working (lightbulb was burned out)


----------



## sweetmilk (Apr 8, 2011)

When you nurse while seating on the toilet pooping!! And it feels completly normal.

When DS diaper is full but you are not changing him because he is playing sooo nicely.

When all day long you have a constant tug and pull felling in the bottom of your shirt.


----------



## sweetmilk (Apr 8, 2011)

and mac and cheese is perfectly find to eat at 8:00 am since you ve been up for 3 hours all ready


----------



## Poodge (Jun 16, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Honey693*
> 
> 
> You've paid for fruit with large bites taken out of it.


I had to buy a mushroom, a single mushroom, that DS picked up, took a bite of, and then put back into the bulk mushroom bin. Thankfully he picked a white button mushroom versus the more expensive variety in the next bin over.

And I went to get a plum the other day out of the pantry and when I picked it up discovered that it had a huge bite missing.


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

when it's a treat to take a bath or shower alone

when it's a treat to use the bathroom alone


----------



## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sweetmilk*
> 
> When you nurse while seating on the toilet pooping!! And it feels completly normal.
> 
> ...


Lol! been there, done that


----------



## RRMum (Nov 7, 2010)

You look for sales on band aids, you just need that many.

You frequently say don't put that in your belly button (or mommy's belly button).

You have no memory of under-wires and what they are for.


----------



## ThreeTwoFive (May 7, 2011)

--you have tried to answer this thread several times, but there's a nursing toddler wiggling on your lap

--poo in the tub is a "code brown"

--you know all 300 verses to Wheels on the Bus, including "Winnie-da-Pooh on the bus," "mommy's coffee on the bus," "flamingos on the bus," and "fire truck on the bus."

--you recognize your kid's favorite youtube videos by the soundtrack

--you can name more local parks than any other geographical feature, and you care whether the surface is gravel, bark, or recycled rubber tires

--you have watched your kid lick the tables at the zoo and then shared an ice cream with him anyway

--healthy snacks used to bribe someone into sitting in a shopping cart do not count as bribes because they are healthy


----------



## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

SO true.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ThreeTwoFive*
> 
> --you have tried to answer this thread several times, but there's a nursing toddler wiggling on your lap
> 
> ...


----------



## Skippy918 (Jul 15, 2008)

Everytime you go out, you have to take several trips back in the house to get items your toddler forgot. Sometimes you've already driven off when your toddler tells you that he forgot his lovey and then you have to turn around and go back home to get it.

You refer to yourself in third person and narrate everything you do even when your toddler isn't around.

You refer to his sibling as sister or brother because that's what he calls them. "Mommy has to feed sister first before she plays with you."

You're constantly hitting your shins on the stool by the bathroom sink.

You find the kitchen chair in the pantry not believing your toddler when he said he got a snack himself.

Figuring out the childproof locks/outlets/gates is a game for your toddler.


----------



## nald1 (Mar 22, 2011)

Strangers point out you have food, dirt, any item they dont deem 'appropriate" on your clothes- and you look at them with a blank stare thinking 'yeah, and...??????"


----------



## nald1 (Mar 22, 2011)

the "end of the day' is 5 oclock

a typical day contains at least two timeouts - and lOTS of relaxation breathing (on my part!!)


----------



## MyBabysMomma (May 24, 2011)

I love this thread! So funny! I think I've read them all in bits and pieces and didn't see any like these:

--You are in a new area and see a store called "Mac & More" and think it will be a great semi-healthy deli type lunch place that your kid will love! And its really a Macintosh Apple store...

--You dream of apps for your phone like a park finder


----------



## RRMum (Nov 7, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nald1*
> 
> Strangers point out you have food, dirt, any item they dont deem 'appropriate" on your clothes- and you look at them with a blank stare thinking 'yeah, and...??????"


Ha, Yes!!

You show up at work with cheerios stuck in your hair and yogurt on your pants. Although you saw it before you left the house you decided that it's an acceptable way to go to work!


----------



## fizgig (Aug 3, 2007)

- You see a brown spot on your t-shirt and sniff it to make sure it is only food. Once determined it is in fact food, you leave the shirt on for the rest of the day.

- You've learned to multi-task like a goddess. I am currently typing, nursing, responding to demands that I also get excited about The Incredibles, and I am eating an almond cookie (yum!).

- You love Kipper like he is your own dog.

- You can't remember the last time you: slept in, put a coffee mug down on the coffee table, stayed up past 11, referred to your partner by their name, ate at the same time as your partner.

- You have had extended conversations with people about poop.

- You are occasionally overwhelmed with love and awe for the little person growing up before your eyes.


----------



## mommyofgb (Jul 21, 2011)

Your childs outs your mother's closet smoking habit by finding her hidden cigarettes and giving them to her at a crowded family event in front of everyone saying ''here you go grandma.'' Priceless.


----------



## RRMum (Nov 7, 2010)

Quote:


> - You are occasionally overwhelmed with love and awe for the little person growing up before your eyes.


Yes the good stuff makes it all worth it!


----------



## wennerk (Aug 3, 2009)

you walk to the library eight blocks away letting your child push her stuffed bear in her baby stroller, knowing full well that YOU will be the one pushing the stroller home while wearing your child in a sling.

you drive around the block one more time just so she can see the backhoe at work.

you find yourself coming up with any synonym or phrase to describe naptime without mentioning the dreaded word "nap." "No, honey, no nap. Just quiet time."


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

when you have a conversation with you child (while trying to read this thread that goes)

"Mama I want a squeeze yogurt"

"Honey you ate them all"

"I have more?"

"They're all gone" "I have more?" "They're all in your tummy" "I have some more?" "All gone" "Have more" "All gone"..... and yes this conversation is STILL happening.

I suppose I should take that as a sign that the major portion of the illness is over.... silly summer cold with a nasty nasty fever.


----------



## chiromama01 (Aug 2, 2011)

how about...

1. your grocery list is written on construction paper, in crayon, and it doesn't phase you, because youre so proud you've actually got a list...

2. you've heard yourself say..."we DO NOT use grocery carts to run people over"... repeatedly

3. you frequently contemplate wether it would be easier to completely give up any hope of being productive on a regular basis than it is to just keep trucking....

4. you begin to like your babysitter more than your husband...


----------



## TerrahMother (Apr 21, 2010)

This thread is sooo yummy!

:: You are reading this thread, thinking "Yes! That one! Awww! Tell me about it!" and laughing out loud because it's so true... and your entire experience with a toddler is your only child.

:: You hold in laughing out loud reading this thread so you won't wake the toddler if he's sleeping, or attract his attention if he's awake, because you need some alone time.


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *TerrahMother*
> 
> :: You hold in laughing out loud reading this thread so you won't wake the toddler if he's sleeping, or attract his attention if he's awake, because you need some alone time.


Yes, the art of not attracting the attention of the toddler- it's like moving through the bush on Safari except within the comfort of your own home.......

I'm currently NOT ALLOWED to sit in the front seat of the car if both DH and I are in the car so sometimes I will climb in the front and duck down so she can't see me (still RF) and without fail DH will either start talking to me and not get why I am not answering or G will start talking to me, I won't answer and DH will get annoyed that I am not answering her. I JUST WANT TO SIT IN THE FRONT SEAT LIKE AN ADULT!!! Even if that means I have to crouch down in the seat and be silent for an entire car ride!


----------



## Quinalla (May 23, 2005)

I can so relate to the 5 hour food on the floor rule, for me it's probably longer than that, hey at least she's eating food off the floor and not a bug/dirt/etc. And the letting her continue do something destructive, but not that bad since it is keeping her distracted, oh yes







And DH doesn't get it either when he catches me doing it, so now I just pretend I didn't know


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

Since my DD has been born I have been sitting in the back-seat with her. I know what you mean about sitting in the front but both my DH and I agree - it is the backseat for me ..sigh!


----------



## allisonrose (Oct 22, 2004)

Awesome thread! I need to convince my hubby to read this to realize our nearly 3 y/o is not a disobient heathen - just a normal toddler.


----------



## nald1 (Mar 22, 2011)

the brown spot cracked me up - how many shirts have i sniffed saying 'I hope that's chocolate!!"


----------



## Xavismom (Dec 22, 2009)

You accidentally call your husband 'little buddy; Often. Man, do I get the cold stare for this one, especially out in public!


----------



## devasma (Jan 13, 2009)

When you say "oooo, look at the doggie!" ... to the cat.


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

-your bathroom floor has more toilet paper on it than the toilet paper roll

-you call your husband "daddy" even when the kiddo isn't around

-there are never any pets to be seen anywhere in the house, even though you have two dogs and two cats

-you don't even bother planting a garden because you know a little hand is going to pull up those seedlings you agonized over as soon as they poke up

-you discover you now have roaches...in your CAR. Ugh!









-your purse is for carrying emergency snacks and spare clothes, not makeup and a wallet

-you have to search the whole store for a car cart before you can begin shopping (and sometimes you have to follow someone to their car and stand over them until they unload it)

-you find yourself wishing you had one of those bouncy castles at your house because it might actually mean you get a whole day of cleaning all to yourself!

-you actually get super excited when your husband buys a Dust Buster for your birthday


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

You clean one room to mean, lean perfection.....only to discover that while you were cleaning, another room ended up hopelessly strewn with books, toys, and cracker crumbs.


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Hilarious!

I love it when I "toddler swear" even while DS isn't around. Sometimes I'll mutter, "Oh, poopy!" while using the computer.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamaprovides*
> 
> turquesa: my current is "GOD....bless america"...to which my son now says, "GA bess 'mair-ka"


----------



## FrugalGranolaMom (Dec 1, 2009)

I love this thread!

You find yourself using your toddler's version of words when speaking to DH and other adults. Example: "Honey, would you like a frashen (sandwich) for lunch?" to which he responds without flinching "Yes, turkey please."

Underneath the couch has become a wasteland for lost toys.

You find yourself saying "We do not crawl through the doggy door!" on a regular basis.


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

Your dogs are the only ones in town that get regular gynecological exams - and not by the vet.







And on the same tangent, the phrase "please don't poke the doggie in the bottom" is high on the list of most popular in your home.

Oh, and all of the bars of soap in your bathrooms are brown because they have more dirt on them than soap.


----------



## DianeFuentes (Aug 10, 2011)

Haha what a super entertaining thread!

The fridge is full of fruit goo and other stuff that's so hard to clean ~_~


----------



## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

You are able to poop sitting sideways on the toilet with a 25lb child on your back and holding another 17lb child in your arms while getting punched in the face and kicked in the stomach.


----------



## CorpusMom (Jul 6, 2011)

Your boss offers to let you leave early because you look tired and like you need some rest and you decline because being at home with your toddler is more exhausting than being at work.


----------



## allisonrose (Oct 22, 2004)

Adding on:

You seriously contemplate peeing in the little potty since DS has decided that the big potty is the place to poop and you know that bumping him off will result in a meltdown. (I didn't because he likely would have told my mom who we were visiting at the time.)

You are surprised at the number of rules you find you need to make regarding privates: "put your penis in your undies at the dinner table" and "no hitting others in the penis".


----------



## DianeFuentes (Aug 10, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CorpusMom*
> 
> Your boss offers to let you leave early because you look tired and like you need some rest and you decline because being at home with your toddler is more exhausting than being at work.


This is kinda depressing


----------



## DianeFuentes (Aug 10, 2011)

When your wallpaper is filled with "kiddie" crayon art.


----------



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

You see a thread on an MDC forum where a poster talks about a goal to have sex with her DH 5x a week and think "Gosh, maybe she meant to type five times a month, right?"

And, though you share various things with your SO about what you see on MDC, you elect to not share that one with him/her.


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *caedenmomma*
> 
> You see a thread on an MDC forum where a poster talks about a goal to have sex with her DH 5x a week and think "Gosh, maybe she meant to type five times a month, right?"
> 
> And, though you share various things with your SO about what you see on MDC, you elect to not share that one with him/her.


Yeah this! And honestly 5 times a month is a VERY GOOD month for us!


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

We DTD almost daily....


----------



## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sosurreal09*
> 
> We DTD almost daily....


We did pretty much twice daily for the first 29 months or so.... and then DD arrived.


----------



## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Show off.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sosurreal09*
> 
> We DTD almost daily....


----------



## CorpusMom (Jul 6, 2011)

A big part of it is that I am 8 1/2 mos pregnant and my daughter has an aversion to me resting and talks and asks questions non-stop. I love my time with her. But, I seriously need her to go to preschool and use up some her energy there instead of on me. She is an active child and does not stop unless she is eating or asleep.


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I wasn't trying to be a jerk...


----------



## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sosurreal09*
> 
> I wasn't trying to be a jerk...


I was just kidding.


----------



## wishin'&hopin' (Jun 2, 2008)

Quality, not quantity









JK!!!

Okay, back to the OP--you remind yourself to check all of the heating grates for things that may melt when you start using the heat in the Fall (you know, plastic magnets, figures, "guys")...


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Breastfeeding is an acrobatic, Olympic event, with twists, kicks, and flips like you've never seen from your toddler.

Your breasts are toys like any other, and your toddler runs toy trucks over them while nursing.


----------



## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

"The orange does not need to go in the bathtub..."


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

On the three nights a week that your husband works out of the house you find yourself frantically trying to made additional food after dinner because WITHOUT FAIL your toddler will tell you she is done, you ask several times and tell her that you are going to eat the leftovers, she answers that she is ABSOLUTELY done, you eat the leftovers and she loses her mind because she wants more noodles.........

I am trying to learn my lesson on this one but on the nights DH works I don't really make formal dinners, we eat a lot of leftovers/mishmashes so usually I let J(who lives with us) and DD have what they want and then eat the rest for my dinner.


----------



## msspellingbee (Jun 16, 2011)

You wake up to "Mama, want MILK, PLEASE" (NOT whispered into your ear)

Your husband wakes up to "Daddy, want to HOP on pop!" (notice, no please!  )

You never go out after 7pm. Unless you have an emergency plan in place for the next day's napping.

Your heart's desire is to sleep on your stomach past 7am. In the middle of the bed!

Peeing by yourself make you want to sing. But the only song you remember is: "Max peed on the potty, Max peed on the potty, Max peed on the potty, because she's a big girl"

Your daughter tells you "good job, mama", when you you pee in the public restroom.

You've been stealing rocks from all your neighbor's lawns, for your daughter's rock collection.

The idea of doing just one thing at the time sounds like a vacation.


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

How about your DD has an INTENSE temper fit for 30 mins b/c it was time to leave the car shopping cart and go home...and you don't have a car so you had to wait out the fit in the store until you could safely put her on your back to walk 2 miles home, and every single person who walked by tried to intervene or had some comment or gesture...

And when a woman says to your DD "..people buying their fruits and veggies and the milkies here to feed the babies..." your DD is completely perplexed by this and starts grabbing at your breasts flipping out more b/c well who knows what she must have thought in her toddler brain..?


----------



## BeachLove (May 10, 2011)

When you have nursed almost every one of your child's favorite stuffed animals. Today it was a little purple monkey, Chewbacca, Lowly Worm, and Curious George. And she says "Monkey drinking yummy milk", as though this is nothing out of the ordinary.


----------



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

All of your t-shirts (well, the three of them you wear anymore...didn't I used to have more clothes?) have stretched-out necklines since your kid grabs them to look down for snack time.

You feel inordinately proud of a clean toilet or a vacuumed rug.

You are fairly certain you have washed your hair in the past week but wouldn't put money on it.

You no longer feel judgmental when you see a mom with a child who is melting down in a public place. You're just glad it's not you this time.

You can't imagine life without Cheerios/Oatios.

You can't imagine what you did with all your free time before you had a toddler.

You hide in the bathroom to eat a Reece Cup so you won't have to share it or deny it to a begging LO.


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

Quote:


> You hide in the bathroom to eat a Reece Cup so you won't have to share it or deny it to a begging LO.


I can't do that anymore, She smells the chocolate on my breath even if I try to drink something afterward. i would have to go to the level of brushing my teeth immediately post-choco-snack.


----------



## SilverFish (Jan 14, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *caedenmomma*
> 
> You hide in the bathroom to eat a Reece Cup so you won't have to share it or deny it to a begging LO.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Dazedstella*
> 
> I can't do that anymore, She smells the chocolate on my breath even if I try to drink something afterward. i would have to go to the level of brushing my teeth immediately post-choco-snack.


you used to judge parents pretty harshly when you saw them giving their toddlers sips of coke or a bite of a chip or cookie. now you realize that it's just as likely that this is the only can of pop they've allowed themselves to have in months because of the WWIII that would immediately ensue trying to sneak a bit of junk food past them. no starbucks, no victory post-grocery shopping can of root beer, no "hmm i really have a craving for pretzels" purchases... it's organic puffed rice and water for me!


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

You explode into uncontrolled hysterical laughter every time you hear a young couple say "we got a puppy so we can have some practice before having a child."

Actually, I couldn't even type that without laughing.


----------



## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

What used to be your every-day morning routine (like, brushing your hair) is now your special occasion routine.

and

The above mentioned special occasions are all birthday parties and trips to the zoo.


----------



## crunchymama19 (Apr 9, 2011)

You have had to clean fig newton off of your boobs because your toddler insists on snacking and nursing at the same time!


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

there's a potty chair on your balcony because that's where your toddler wanted to pee


----------



## kayleesmom (Dec 16, 2004)

you have a potty seat on all levels of house like in living room basement and bedroom. to avoid accidents.


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

..You deal with potty strikes even though you are at the point where ONE pee fills a whole dipe!

We always CD but I just bought a box of LUVS (Do not buy them they suck terribly and have fragrance!) and even that didn't last overnight...just woke up with pee all over my shorts from it leaking down DD's legs while cuddling with me...







ugh...I'm going to see if I can return them we only used 4...


----------



## Frumpy (Jun 14, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CorpusMom*
> 
> Your boss offers to let you leave early because you look tired and like you need some rest and you decline because being at home with your toddler is more exhausting than being at work.


 I have SOOOOOO been there.... even if it's just an extra 1/2 hour at work to finish a quiet cup of coffee before going to the playground/pool/fingerpaint/etc.


----------



## bumpsmom09 (Aug 16, 2011)

I'm a newbie here but this was hilarious and I needed a good laugh.

1) if your alarm clock has been replaced by a not so gentle finger poke between the eyes with the not so soothing sound of MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY..Are you up?

2) you have foresaken your water bill to let said toddler play in the sink or shower for 15 minutes of "me" time...

3)if the word no has lost all meaning in your house.

4)you just go ahead and order off the kids menu because they won't eat unless its out of your plate.

5)you have forgotten what peace and quiet sounds like...


----------



## randomleopard (Aug 4, 2011)

you know how to correctly pronouce zaboomafoo and have a preference for one of the brothers!! haha


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *randomleopard*
> 
> you know how to correctly pronouce zaboomafoo and have a preference for one of the brothers!! haha


I just had to google that LOL


----------



## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

... Elmo's piercing voice haunts your dreams.

... poop in the potty is a special occasion that warrants calling everyone you know to celebrate.

... childless people complain about how little sleep they got last night, and you laugh in their face.

... you call your mother "Grandma" more often than you call her "Mom"

... you awake at night to your spouse's plaintive cry, "where am I supposed to sleep?" and you blink at him over the heads of your sleeping offspring and whisper, "I don't care, just don't wake them up!!!"

... you spend most of each phone conversation saying to the person on the other end, "Oh, no, she's fine, I don't have to hang up. Really. That's a happy shriek."

... you can't remember the last time you had an entire conversation on the phone without your toddler a) unplugging the phone cable, b) tugging the phone away from you to "talk", c) having a temper tantrum, or d) destroying something to get your attention

... you know exactly what your child is doing in the next room by the sound of whatever is breaking... and you decide not to intervene because whatever she's breaking is one more thing you can declutter

... you summon up huge enthusiasm for any games involving looking out the window (watching cars drive past the house, counting birds on the front yard, looking for clouds) because it means you can sit still on the couch for a few minutes

... you plan to leave the house for a morning shopping trip and you finally get out the door at 4 pm

... "we don't" is one of your most frequently used phrases

... you actively boycott restaurant chains that do not have changing tables in their restrooms.

... you send angry letters to managers of restaurants that have changing tables only in the women's restroom (ooooh, just thinking about that one makes me see red)

... you have embarrassed the living daylights out of your DH by sending him into the women's room to change a diaper just to prove your point

... you go on a 'date night' with your spouse and spend the entire time talking about funny things your toddler did that day

... you have resigned yourself to the fact that most of your kitchen utensils, hairbrushes, clothes, books, trinkets, furniture, and tools are now toys.

... your spare set of sheets has used as a 'tent' so often that your child throws a fit when you make the bed with them ("NO tent on bed, Mama!!")

... you have to argue with your screaming toddler every morning as you get dressed, "No, honey, these aren't your underwear. They're Mama's. No, really, I'm not wearing your underwear. No, I'm not taking them off so you can wear them. Go get your own underwear."

... you sneak out of bed before your child is awake and get dressed in the bathroom in order to avoid this conversation.


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

-you end the majority of your phone conversations by interrupting whatever story they are telling you to hang up on them while quickly saying "gotta go, so sorry, bye".

-you find yourself all dressed up for mama's night out with your girls, checking on plans, standing alone on your front porch because your husband is currently putting toddler to bed and if you make your presence known you won't be going ANYWHERE.

-you all get dressed up for said mama's night because it's so exciting to get out of the house together without toddler, in fact, frequently you get more dressed up for mama's night than date night with DH.

- her bath time is your MDC time.


----------



## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

These are all so great!

-Your day is circular conversation after circular conversation "no cook the eggs" "I have to cook the eggs, they'll make you sick raw" "no cook the eggs"..... about every aspect of the day.

-When you finally get to run errands or nap or take a bath... all alone you either feel guilty that you need to return as soon as possible or you feel bad you are wasting your "alone" time doing something so mundane.

-When you ask your toddler why he pinches/hits you all the time he looks lovingly into your eyes & says "I love you & just HAVE to" & you accept that as an acceptable answer.


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

- you sometimes forget how old you are because you don't have time anymore for your own birthdays, then realize you probably don't want to remember the number anyway

- you don't listen to music anymore because given the option between ten minutes of your favorite band and silence, you find the silence far more valuable

- your right shoulder is lower than your left because you get yanked down every ten seconds so your toddler can pick up something (inevitably nasty) they found on the ground

- you haven't bothered to buy furniture for your new living room yet because you now you'll never be able to sit down anyway (yes, this is totally our house right now. What's the point?)


----------



## mt momma (Feb 15, 2011)

Turning requests into songs DOES WORK!! Keeps the kiddo listening and keeps mommy from freaking out!!!! We also say goodbye to things in song (Good bye swings, good bye sand, we'll see you again some day!) lol

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Brandybutter*
> 
> * You wear swim goggles and funny hats around the house to keep the mood light
> 
> ...


----------



## mominmotion (Jan 20, 2011)

1. Your potted plants are a great source of fun for the toddler & new puppy!

2. You just leave the bathroom door open now to save them the trouble of fiddling with the door handle.

3. Your bed has to be a king size in order for the two- & four-year olds to climb in with you & your spouse in the middle of the nite.

4. Having a fence around the backyard for your 'zoo' is a necessity!

5. You can sing every word to the SpongeBob Squarepants intro.

6. Going "out on the town" now means carseats, wipes, Happy Meals and a G-rated matinee so you're back home by 7:00 for baths & bedtime!

7. It takes a year to read a book instead of the 3-4 days it used to take when you weren't interrupted constantly!

8. "But Mom!" becomes your name.

9. You get really good at putting together Lego sets, dressing tiny dolls - but forget those damn Transformers!!!

10. You never, ever leave the house without kleenex, wipes, snacks, water bottles, crayons, coloring books, music etc...etc...


----------



## olivesmama (Mar 24, 2011)

1. You feel like you're fluent in ASL because you can carry on conversations in sign language with you 21 month old. Mind you, the convos are usually like this; "Where ball?" "Ball hiding!" "Here ball!" "Catch!"

2. Waiting for food in a restaurant, you'd think nothing of discussing a decorative pig collection over someone else's table, just to avoid a tantrum. (From a respectable distance of 5 feet, of course.)

3. You have a permanent fort in your living room to avoid having to put it up and tear it down every day.

4. You discuss children's shows with your partner, but put an adult spin on everything. "Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba looks like a giant dildo..." "Dora and Diego are so flippin' bossy! They're always like, "Flap your arms like a bird! FLAP! FLAAAAP!" or "I wonder if the Fresh Beat Band members ever sleep with eachother..."

5. If you go through a disaster once, you never go through it again. Now you haul a backpack around with a first aid kit, 2 changes of clothes, their favorite doll, wipes, a booboo buddy, their favorite music, a swim suit (or snow suit and extra warm clothes, depending on the season), books, crayons, chalk, sunscreen, nail clippers, hair bands, barrettes, a toothbrush, washcloths, extra sippy cupin case the first one gets thrown out the car window or in the river, and then some toys to fill in the empty space.

6. Your toddler has you trained to do a perfect rendition of almost any animal in existence, immediately upon seeing said animal. Every. single. time.

7. You feel the need to kiss every booboo you see. You resist the urge unless its actually your child. Most of the time.


----------



## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

Yes - and most important of all - you know you are the mom of a toddler if you now have the magic powers to kiss any booboo away!


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

- You can't see your refrigerator anymore even though it's now the most colorful appliance in your home for all the papers, paints, glue and magnets.

- You've been around the world and seen every single bunny/kitty/chick/duckling/hedgehog viral video out there and you STILL think that teenie-weenie underwear are OMG THE CUTEST THING EVAR.


----------



## amommyTTC (Aug 16, 2011)

You remind your little boy that there really is such a thing as a bathroom, and we are not camping so no need to pee on a tree!

You walk in to find a toddler who has finger painted with their diaper and smiling about it

You know in an instant when the dog is yelping that your toddler is somewhere near by

You wonder why you bought a stroller since your child is NEVER actually in it.. (to hold the diaper bag maybe)

You find you have wandered through the day with a sucker stuck somewhere to your leg!


----------



## Dazedstella (Dec 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amberskyfire*
> - you haven't bothered to buy furniture for your new living room yet because you now you'll never be able to sit down anyway (yes, this is totally our house right now. What's the point?)


until last week our living room had only a dingy old couch (that had been painted with avocado, colored on with crayon and pen) and two of those pottery barn toddler chairs... we finally bought a very gently used glider rocker last week so we have ONE nice chair to sit in. None of it is in a style or color or type that I would actually CHOOSE if I didn't have said toddler...


----------



## devasma (Jan 13, 2009)

My younger (childless) sister wondered if Muno was ribbed for her pleasure.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *olivesmama*
> 
> 4. You discuss children's shows with your partner, but put an adult spin on everything. "Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba looks like a giant dildo..." "Dora and Diego are so flippin' bossy! They're always like, "Flap your arms like a bird! FLAP! FLAAAAP!" or "I wonder if the Fresh Beat Band members ever sleep with eachother..."


----------



## allisonrose (Oct 22, 2004)

-You go out and buy more undies for your child rather than argue that only one pair of undies is needed on the bum at a time.

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *devasma*
> 
> My younger (childless) sister wondered if Muno was ribbed for her pleasure.


Glad I'm not the only one to think that character is a bit phallic in appearance. (I think the term is studded...)


----------



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

I have never seen the show YGG, but googled Muno and think he looks like Gumby.

I know I am a parent of a toddler today because I started a conversation with "I found a bunch of oats stuck to his testicles this morning." That opener just wouldn't have been possible pre-toddler.


----------



## FrugalGranolaMom (Dec 1, 2009)

You find yourself saying things like "We don't put the flashlight on our scrotum." Oh the joys of having a boy.


----------



## amommyTTC (Aug 16, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *FrugalGranolaMom*
> 
> You find yourself saying things like "We don't put the flashlight on our scrotum." Oh the joys of having a boy.


Wait until he is ten and graduates to a tape measure.. Just to make sure he is measuring up at 10!!! Where did he come up with that one?


----------



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

Wow.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *amommyTTC*
> 
> Wait until he is ten and graduates to a tape measure.. Just to make sure he is measuring up at 10!!! Where did he come up with that one?


----------



## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

YKYTPOAT if:

you are reading this thread with a nursling in your lap

you have a permanent crick in your shoulder & back from nursing in your computer chair


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

- you have to walk very quickly past the toy aisles at the store (as if they won't notice)

- all of your drinks have sediment in the bottom because there's no way you're going to get to drink it all by yourself without your little backwashing partner to help you

- you look longingly at women with newborn babies and then say to their poor frazzled faces "gosh, I miss those days. They were so easy back then!"









- you have to keep your special treats in the top of your bedroom closet instead of in the kitchen pantry


----------



## kfillmore (Oct 23, 2008)

your house could be in some reality show about dirty and messy homes

(or IS that just me?)


----------



## amommyTTC (Aug 16, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kfillmore*
> 
> your house could be in some reality show about dirty and messy homes
> 
> (or IS that just me?)


Haha, NO its definitely NOT just you.. I have a large family and still have school aged children as well as HS graduates.. and my daughter tells the kids they should be on the show hoarders!!! hahahaha


----------



## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

LOL! And getting to clean house is a "special treat" to yourself.


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

that reminds me, I'm supposed to be cleaning...


----------



## sunnygir1 (Oct 8, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *kfillmore*
> 
> your house could be in some reality show about dirty and messy homes
> 
> (or IS that just me?)


Nope. I thought it was just ME. I hear people talk about their messy homes, but none of my mom friends seem to have as grimy a house as I do. I mean, every surface below three feet needs scrubbing with something that cuts grease and removes stains (kitchen and bathroom cabinets, refrigerator, walls, dishwasher, oven, chairs, doors, etc.) It's embarrassing, really. I'm relieved when we have people over after sunset because they can't see how dirty the windows and walls are.


----------



## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

The phrase "he let me get the dishes done" is cause for celebration.

You are glad your child is still RF in his carseat so you and DH can have a "date" without your LO noticing (for us, this means running through the DQ drive-through for a Blizzard). It was good, too.

You end emails with "would have written more, but he's up from his nap."

You feel like you have done more by 7 a.m. than many people do all day (that's an old Army line, I believe...sorry I swiped it, but it's true on some days!).

You know that people who use the phrase "sleeping like a baby" likely are either not parents or are people with very, very short memories.

You have seriously considered getting rid of the majority of your clothes since it seems you are never able to complete the following cycle within a 24-hour period: wash, dry, fold, put away.


----------



## Marissamom (Dec 17, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *caedenmomma*
> 
> You have seriously considered getting rid of the majority of your clothes since it seems you are never able to complete the following cycle within a 24-hour period: wash, dry, fold, put away.


yep. I constantly have a mountain of clean laundry waiting for attention.


----------



## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

I actually DID get rid of the majority of our clothes for this reason exactly. And I also assigned laundry duty to DH ..... hey! I do everything else....







I can't even imagine trying to FOLD laundry while my kids sit there and unfold it..??

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Marissamom*
> 
> yep. I constantly have a mountain of clean laundry waiting for attention.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *caedenmomma*
> 
> The phrase "he let me get the dishes done" is cause for celebration.
> 
> ...


----------

