# Toddler speech development: "you" instead of "I"



## lizabird (Jan 19, 2004)

Personally, I don't think this is a big deal because I know he'll figure it out on his own eventually. But my husband keeps trying to correct DS when DS says "you want up" or "you want... whatever it is he wants".

So DS is sitting at the table and says "you want more milk please" and I"ll get him some more milk.

DH says "say, 'I want more milk please'" and DS will repeat with "I want more milk please"

Maybe it's a weird pet peeve, but it drives me crazy when DH tries to correct this. Someone please tell me that DS will just naturally figure out that he is "I" and not "you" when he's talking about himself.







At what point do toddlers figure this out? (he's about 28 mos now)

thanks,
lizabird


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## rere (Apr 21, 2005)

every toddler i ever knew did this.i mean it only makes sense if you think about it.when you're talking to him you call him"you".so of coarse he thinks he's "you".just the same as his name.they all eventually figure it out.i think correcting it all the time can add to the confusion.he see's himself as "you" and everyone else as"i".so when your husband says "i want some milk" it probably just sounds like he's saying "daddy wants some milk".he will realize that you is not his other name.


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## bobica (May 31, 2004)

pronouns can take several *years* to work out! you can tell dh that you checked with a speech & language pathologist (me) & that if he's still doing it in kindergarten, it's worth working on


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## SamuraiEarthMama (Dec 3, 2002)

heck, you've already got him saying "please!" stop while you're ahead, woman!


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## mollyeilis (Mar 6, 2004)

I don't see a huge problem with repeating the correct version.

But I think a very important thing to do is make sure YOU GUYS are using "I" in your speech. I notice that very commonly parents always refer to themselves as their titles (mommy/mama and daddy) rather than using pronouns. So if you're always saying "mama wants you to do this and that" he's not hearing the proper use of "I", know what I mean?

My 21 month old hasn't used "you" at all, he says "I" all the time, and I can't help but think it's because we don't use the third person stuff (OK hubby slips up every so often but I hate how it sounds so have always refused to use it) when talking to him.


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

I've always heard that correcting toddlers (or second language learners) can make them overly self-conscious. If you model correct speech, your ds will start speaking that way eventually. It personally bugs me when I hear people "instructing" young children in how to speak. My dd always says "hold you" when she wants me to hold her and I love it.

Do you know the Me You We song from Music Together? You point at yourself for the me part and at others for the you part and then you hold hands for the we part. Dd seems to really get the whole me and you concept during the song.


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## TortelliniMama (Mar 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riversong*
Do you know the Me You We song from Music Together? You point at yourself for the me part and at others for the you part and then you hold hands for the we part. Dd seems to really get the whole me and you concept during the song.

Ds's pronoun confusion continues during that song, too. He points at me for "me" and himself for "you."







His pronoun usage is slowly but surely improving, though. He's *very* good at "I'm hungry," "I'm not tired," and "You're not hungry." (The last one is for those times when dh and I are still eating and ds wants us to come play.







)


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## Flor (Nov 19, 2003)

While sometimes I can see the value in repeating the sentence a different way, I think it is pointless with pronouns. It just gets more confusing!
YOU say I want. . ...The "you" and "I" and "me" just get messed up in the explaining. Just model. Don't call youself by the third person.

I teach English to new immigrants and it takes them along time to get used to pronouns, especially the difference between subject and object pronouns. I have to say that DS has always used these correctly from the beginning. He always used "I" and "you" "me" etc, though he did mess up genders. One day in the bath tub he said, "I pour water on me" and I realized that my second-language-learner 8th graders have been hear 1-2 years and still could not have made that sentence. The toddler brain is AMAZING. Tell you dh that my 12 year old students are usually in this country studying English intensly for 3 years before they are correctly using pronouns.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Quote:

you can tell dh that you checked with a speech & language pathologist (me) & that if he's still doing it in kindergarten, it's worth working on
Oh, THANK YOU for saying this! My DH has been bugging me about this same thing in our DD, who's only 26 months, after all..."When is she going to get this right? What's going on?" It DOES stick out with her because she talks constantly and otherwise sounds like a very language-competent person, but her pronouns are ALL screwy. She does say "I" sometimes, which just makes it more confusing for us...we truly do not know sometimes if "I want you to do it," means just that, or the opposite.









Quote:

My 21 month old hasn't used "you" at all, he says "I" all the time, and I can't help but think it's because we don't use the third person stuff
We stopped using that phrasing a long time ago because we thought it might be contributing, but all that happened is that she started calling me "I" instead of "Mama."


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## lizabird (Jan 19, 2004)

Thanks for all the replies. We try to use the proper pronouns with ourselves, but I do find myself also calling myself "mama" sometiems, just to be sure we all know who's talking about whom (since, as many posters mentioned, it does get confusing sometimes). So yes, he calls me "me" or "mama", and he calls himself "you" most of the time. Sometimes he gets the pronouns correct but usually not. I know it makes perfect sense to him and it doesn't bother me, I think it's cute, but it just irks me that DH keeps correcting him.

Thanks, again,
lizabird


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## CountryMom2e (Apr 1, 2005)

I prefer not to correct toddler speech directly. Instead I would do something like this:

DS - You want more milk!
me - Oh, you'd like more milk? I'll get you some more milk. Here you go, here's your milk.

DS still mixes pronouns now and then but this worked very well for us. I have been teaching him lately how to ask for things nicely, by saying May I have more milk, please? Instead of correcting, I will ask him how do we ask for things nicely? And he'll automatically switch to asking May I.


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## VBMama (Jan 6, 2004)

I'm so glad to see this thread! My 26-mo ds still does this, I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard him refer to himself as "I" correctly in a sentence, and he has been speaking in sentences for quite a while. He also echoes complete sentences - "Do you want some juice?" when he's telling us that he wants juice.

The most entertaining instance of this is when he comes up to dh or me and says in a completely serious voice "Do you have a poopy diaper?"


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

My current toddler is the only one I've ever known *not* to do that. He has had a well-developed sense of "I" from birth, I think.









Over-correcting will not make things go away with toddlers, it will make them neurotic.

The big milestone here in Florida is when a child (and every single one I've known does this) refers to Miami as "your Ami."









And I second those who said to count your blessings with the manners- your DH sounds really nitpicky considering the baby is saying "please!"







Toddler language development is very complex and quite interesting. Unless there's an obvious problem with cognition or hearing, just enjoy all these idiosyncrasies....they pass all too quickly.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Quote:

He also echoes complete sentences - "Do you want some juice?" when he's telling us that he wants juice.








Ours does this too.

And her version is to come up to us and say, "Do you think you need a diaper change?"


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## royaloakmi (Mar 2, 2005)

LOL!!!

I have 29 month old twins and "you" is used so much around our house I don't even know who is talking about whom anymore - honestly, I get confused. We don't correct it, but it's hilarious.

I read somewhere that they begin to figure it out around 3 . . . I noticed my dd said "I' once the other day, but not again since.


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## mythreesuns (Sep 15, 2004)

My almost 4yo says me instead of I 90% of the time. I correct him, but I don't force him to repeat it back correctly. I really do think it helps. However, your kiddo is alot younger, and I think I would reply back with something like "OK, *I* will go and get your _____ for you" Just always put emphasis on I, kwim?


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