# i'm not convinced...but my ped is..



## locksmama (Jun 7, 2007)

He is completely convinced that the only way to get my daughter to sleep better is night and bed weaning. Sometimes I feel that way and other time I don't.
She drives me crazy though and if I could hire someone to watch her from about 12am to 5 am I would because I just want some sleep!!! Sleep is the one thing I would say I HATE about being a parent. I love the snuggling but the nightwaking sucks so bad I can't even stand it. I was so pissed last night.
Of course she boomerangs with the sleep sleeping crappy then "good" then crappy and so on just teasing me with the possibility for something restful in the habit department....so I determine like last night to nightwean and then I just find I can't...
Sometimes I'm convinced she should be nightweaned and that everything would even out because she wouldn't need the boob to go to sleep and my dh and I could fully share sleep responsibilities, then I think what if we nightwean her and she still sleeps crappy?








what a conundrum. what a crappy situation. what the heck to do?


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## plantmama (Jun 24, 2005)

This was true for my ds. But he was 2.5 and I quickly followed with actually weaning him completely. The thing is that most small children don't understand why they can sometimes nurse in bed/ at night and why other times that's not ok so just cutting back can make them confused and frustrated.
Not getting enough sleep is horrible and I can completely comiserate








I think she would most likely sleep better if you night weaned but make sure you think she is ready. Does she nurse and eat well during the day?
One thing you could do is to nurse her on the couch or somewhere at bed time and then have your dh put her to bed. She may not like it, my dss didn't/ don't but they do adjust after a day or two.
I think there is a night weaning plan where you make a goal of not nursing before a certain time in the morning. You could 5 or whenever you think you have had enough sleep and then she can nurse after this point.
I haven't tried this and think it could potentially confuse but it would hopefully pan out so that she stopped waking up before this point.

Good luck! Getting enough sleep is the difference between being a good mama and a bad mama for me.


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## leosmommy (May 11, 2008)

please no flames...but IMHO...it's not about YOU anymore. it's about your LO. if a parent starts a sentence with "I" then they need to remember what their reason for being on the planet is...to procreate. you are no longer #1.

that's just in my opinion...


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## jmmom (Sep 11, 2007)

My ds is just a couple of months older than your lo, and he also goes through good and bad phases with sleeping. From what I can tell it's directly related to teething. It actually might not get better until the teething is done, nightweaning or no - my sil's kids wake up often until age 2 or 2.5, and they're totally weaned. Maybe it would be a little better, but it wouldn't completely go away (if teething is the cause). I don't have trouble with him waking - it doesn't wake me really - so I'm sorry for your situation. All I can say is - if you don't have the heart to nightwean, then don't. You have no guarantee. Try to relax and wait until your lo has the language skills to understand nightweaning. You might try giving your lo more space in the bed, even if this means dh sleeping separately for a little bit - this helped us, as some of our problems (especially some bouts of full waking to play) had to do with the fact that ds HATES sleeping with dh, lol.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. Hang in there. Love your babe. Do what is in your heart!


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## rockportmama (Jun 24, 2008)

Also remember that peds study anatomy, physiology and pathology. Not parenting skills. You have to do what's right for your family.

Does she nap? Could you nap with her? Trust me, everything else can wait! Could you go to bed earlier to get more sleep? Sometimes when I'm worn out I'll take a nap as soon as DH gets home from work. Then I have more patience for waking up.

We recently night weaned and are bed weaning. DS is 2.5. Before this, I just didn't feel he was ready.

You are the best judge of your family.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

I have to just jump in here. I REALLY REALLY REALLY disagree with the pp about it not being about the parent anymore. It is ABSOLUTELY about the health and well being of the mama. Totally, completely, 100% about BOTH OF YOU. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not ignore your NEEDS to prove a point about being the 'perfect AP mom'. As someone who suffered severe ppd/ppp due to major sleep deprivation, I can totally attest to the fact that it IS about the mom AS WELL AS the baby. A baby with a sick, tired, cranky mama is worse off than a baby who was lovingly night weaned. You know when you are on a plane, they instruct the mothers to put their own oxygen mask on FIRST, so that they can then take care of their child. Because a mama without oxygen can not help her child, and in the end they both perish.

It's not like you are wanting to night wean a 4 week old so that you can go out to party. You want to night wean a toddler so you can get a larger chuck of sleep, so that in turn you can be a BETTER mama to said toddler. There is a huge difference there. There are many many ways to increase the stretch of sleep you are getting, even if you decide to continue night nursing. We started with a 5 hour chunk at 20 months and 4 months later, at 2 years old she was completely night weaned (about 8-10 hours). It was done lovingly, slowly, and with no crying. If you want more details, let me know.

And BTW, you will not find another mama so wholly dedicated, so fiercely in love with, and so completely devoted to her children as I am.







I just happen to have had the unfortunate experience of neglecting my needs and seeing the result of that over the course of 2 years.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

If mama ain't happy ain't no body happy. I have read some things that even cosleeping parents say their children _sometimes_ can sleep better in a separate bed. Maybe not even a different room, but the other side of the room perhaps? just throwing out my







:


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

No, it is not all about the parents, I'm sorry to disagree. It's about _both_. However that does not mean that other needs are ignored and compromises cannot be reached. A _balance_ between BOTH needs to be reached, and not just one extreme over the other.

First, don't go to peds for parenting or nutrition advice. They are nowhere near experts in that field.

After leaving him/her out of the equation think about both sets of needs. What is bothering you more...night nursies or co-sleeping? BOTH might be, but would working on one area help you to find a place to compromise on?

It's hard to say, as I don't know your LO, but if she still needs night-time nursies, it's still a need, regardless of age. If she's not ready, it may be a lot harder in the long run, regardless of how gently you try. Then again, she might not mind. Again, only you know her and it might be worth it to try with gentle methods.

Are you comfortable with a matress on the floor of your room? Would that work for her if you are comfortable with that? Does she have a room where a matress could be put for a parent to be there? In the living room, could she go there and someone stay with her for a bit to get her used to it, a few nights or however long? Again I don't know your situation and comfort levels but you definitely need good sleep with your child's needs being met as well.

The book No-Cry Toddler Solution might help with sleep and having her in her own area with minimum problems, though it could take a while for the techniques to help. Some children do need to be near someone at night...it's a lot of how we are programmed, so some sort of mixing of nightweaning may help, even if she still co-sleeps, or vice-versa. I'm just throwing stuff out there...I don't know if any of this would work for your situations, but please keep working to find a way to have BOTH needs met. It is hard, it takes more work than mainstream methods as well.

My husband tolerated ds sleeping with us for a very long time, until he turned into a long-legged restless sleeper like his dad. I didn't have to think about night-weaning....it didn't bother me and it happened on it's own earlier this year when I got pregnant We did find a solution that worked for us and we both get better sleep now (well, not so much me but that's for different reasons). I truely hope you can find a solution that works for everyone soon.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

:d


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## eurobin (Aug 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rockportmama* 
remember that peds study anatomy, physiology and pathology. Not parenting skills. You have to do what's right for your family.









:

Miss Anna only nightweaned herself around 22 months. I know that seems like a bajillion years away because trust me, I still remember being in your shoes a year ago. You know how they say you don't remember your labor pains? That, I can buy. I don't really remember that *one* painful night. But I sure as heck remember 22 months of painful nights!

But trust me. As we approach closer to some sort of mutual end to our nursing relationship, it's still no guarantee that she won't wake up. We still co-sleep/bedshare and sometimes she wakes up because she's cold (or hot!). Sometimes she wakes up and realizes she only has 2 pacifiers and she *needs* 3. Sometimes she wakes up because "it's dark, mommy." Yeah, thanks Anna. It's 3:12 am, of course it's dark. Sometimes she wakes up because. Just because. Did you know Cookie Monster is blue? Hey, thanks Anna. And most of the time she doesn't wake up. Like 9/10 nights, she peacefully sleeps through. But if she needs her mama... she'd wake up whether she's weaned or not.

I opted not to push (night)weaning and/or Anna's kind of clingy so she still wakes up if she "needs" me. I put needs in quotes because obviously she doesn't NEED to tell me that's is dark outside at 3:12 am, but then again... obviously she does. But I think the fact that she sleeps through 9/10 nights nowadays illustrates that she normally doesn't need me overnight (even though I'm right there... as in she-has-her-feet-in-my-boobs-right-there).

Isn't there some famous quote (that I'm sure to butcher) that says something like a need met is a need outgrown? I really do believe that with my Miss Anna.

Hang in there!!







s


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thefragile7393* 

*First, don't go to peds for parenting or nutrition advice. They are nowhere near experts in that field.*


This.


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## locksmama (Jun 7, 2007)

Thanks for all the advice mamas it is helping to reassure me that my instincts are probably right however fuzzy from not sleeping they are. She has been nursing a ton and rubbing her gum so I think she is getting a canine which would explain a bit.
Sometimes I do think that if she was in her own bed she wouldn't wake to nurse as much and so because she would just go back to sleep on her own--however as ome of you have said there is no guarantee there either right?
As for the night routine, I nurse her and we take her for a long walk and when we get home my dh puts her to sleep. She stays asleep for about 2 hours or maybe 3 and then she wakes to eat at 11pm. Then the up-every- hour-or-more-athon starts. When she is at her worst it is every hour, maybe half hour, or even 20 minutes....at best 3 hour stretches with an occasional 4 or 5 (very rare).
I know it happens to alot of people but it doesn't keep me from wondering if this is bad for her as well as me...
which leads to why the ped even discussed it with me. He asked if I was ok because I looked so haggard and I was dumb enough to say why and talk about our sleep situation. He was sensitive really, but the advice jut doesn't seem to fit. I think it was out of concern for me more than her though...
at any rate thanks for all the advice and keep the historys and advice comin...


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

I'm going to ignore the nonsense about your needs not mattering. That's like an AP parody/stereotype that I have had to defend IRL.

To the OP - all kids have their optimal sleeping arrangment that varies by age, IME. There was a time when nursing all night was as good as it got with DS. I think he would have woken anyway so nursing was great to help him transition from sleep cycle to sleep cycles.

Then.....not so much. As he got older nursing seemed to distrub him. I weaned at 22 mos and if I had my time back I would have done it a little earlier (maybe 18 mos). But whatever that doesn't matter. 22 mos was great b/c he understood what was going on.

I do NOT think he would sleep better in his own bed. For him the best sleep to be gotten right now is curled up with either me or DH.

I do know of kids who sleep better alone though. So who knows. Everything is worth a shot IMO.


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## Otterella (Oct 13, 2007)

It sounds like some gentle experimentation might be in order. I'm not talking about a commitment to cold-turkey nightweaning or bed weaning or anything, just trying different arrangements to see what works and what doesn't. We have had to do that often during different stages of development with DS (20 months). We recently reached a very peaceful, mutual, nightweaning arrangement WITHOUT giving up co-sleeping. I could NOT take the sensation of night nursing since becoming pregnant, and after just a couple painful nights, he is now sleeping 6-8 hours without waking (except for the past week of canines coming through, but that seems to be over now). He was definitely ready to STTN but just needed a little help. But my MIL was just telling me that her son (my BIL) did not STTN until he was four years old, loooooong after weaning, and never co-sleeping (I believe he was weaned off the boob at around 9 months because he was an incurable biter). Even at four, he would wake up and ask for a glass of milk several times a night. So (a) there's no guarantee that weaning will help them STTN and (b) STTN can be possible without bed weaning. But every baby is different, and only you (NOT your pedi) can determine what works for your family.


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## anewmama (Feb 25, 2007)

I, too, am going to ignore the comments about it not being about you. A dysfunctional mother who is sleep deprived CANNOT give all she can to her child.

To OP, I think you have to set a goal of how long you want to nurse your daughter and just do what it takes to get there. My goal is 2 years and my DD is 16 months. I started to night wean her last week when DH and I had a mini-melt down due to the exhaustion of working two full-time jobs and caring for a child. So I slept in a cot near the bed and DH was in charge of soothing DD. The first night she woke about 6 times. After 5 days, she was only waking 2 times. But then, due to my current illness and low milk supply, I resumed night nursing. But I SAW what can happen to my daughter's sleep patterns if I am not there with the open bar next to her. DH and DD were sleeping in the same bed so we only removed night nursing, not co-sleeping (minus me though). DH didn't feel rested until day 5 though.

You REALLY have to do what is best for you and your family and that included ALL members. If I do the math, your DD is 14 months... that is a whole long time relative to other babies to have been breastfed. You would not be a failure or failing your baby by nightweaning. But set a goal for how long you really want to breastfeed and go from there on how to best accomplish that.


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## anewmama (Feb 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *locksmama* 
She stays asleep for about 2 hours or maybe 3 and then she wakes to eat at 11pm. Then the up-every- hour-or-more-athon starts. When she is at her worst it is every hour, maybe half hour, or even 20 minutes....at best 3 hour stretches with an occasional 4 or 5 (very rare).
I know it happens to alot of people but it doesn't keep me from wondering if this is bad for her as well as me...

I just saw this. I DO think that it is bad for anyone to be waking that frequently. I can't imagine it's any different for babies to not need to get into REM sleep which I believe only comes after certain time frame of being alseep. I think it would be stressful for your daughter to wake so often and it's possible that waking this much is just becoming a habit not out of true need.

I think there can be a fine line between a baby NEEDING something and really becoming an insomniac. How can you distinguish?

I know even before my nightweaning attempt last week that there was a time if DD had just woken and nursed, I would not nurse her the next time if she woke again in under 1.5 hours. I just consoled her to go back to sleep.

I would maybe suggest that you combine more of both... consoling via other ways and nursing. Try to show her that waking every 20 minutes isn't going to necessarily result in nursing. You might be able to stretch her sleep time so you can get bigger blocks of sleep in.

Just some ideas....


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## MidgeMommy (Mar 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
I have to just jump in here. I REALLY REALLY REALLY disagree with the pp about it not being about the parent anymore. It is ABSOLUTELY about the health and well being of the mama. Totally, completely, 100% about BOTH OF YOU. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not ignore your NEEDS to prove a point about being the 'perfect AP mom'. As someone who suffered severe ppd/ppp due to major sleep deprivation, I can totally attest to the fact that it IS about the mom AS WELL AS the baby. A baby with a sick, tired, cranky mama is worse off than a baby who was lovingly night weaned. You know when you are on a plane, they instruct the mothers to put their own oxygen mask on FIRST, so that they can then take care of their child. Because a mama without oxygen can not help her child, and in the end they both perish.

It's not like you are wanting to night wean a 4 week old so that you can go out to party. You want to night wean a toddler so you can get a larger chuck of sleep, so that in turn you can be a BETTER mama to said toddler. There is a huge difference there. There are many many ways to increase the stretch of sleep you are getting, even if you decide to continue night nursing. We started with a 5 hour chunk at 20 months and 4 months later, at 2 years old she was completely night weaned (about 8-10 hours). It was done lovingly, slowly, and with no crying. If you want more details, let me know.

And BTW, you will not find another mama so wholly dedicated, so fiercely in love with, and so completely devoted to her children as I am.







I just happen to have had the unfortunate experience of neglecting my needs and seeing the result of that over the course of 2 years.

All of this. Attached babies, especially, suffer when their parents suffer. Cosleeping = cohabitating = commiserating.

My daughter is a few weeks younger than yours, and we moved her crib into our room three days ago (from the living room....where it was toy storage







) and she went from nightwaking, comfort nursing (AWFUL on my nipples), and early AM rising to play and roll around, to sleeping in five hour intervals or more.

While we haven't completely bedweaned, as I take her to bed when she wakes up once I'm in bed, the partial bedweaning was and is the right choice for us right now. Maybe it will help you, too?

Good luck, and I hope you get some rest.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

If she's teething, hoe about some motrin before bed? That's the only way any of us got sleep. DS always got 4 teeth at the same time and he'd just be in pain.

Or, a good snack before bed? If she wakes up to nurse, offer a snack if you want to wean? DS would wake up hungry until we did the before bed snack. Then he really started sleeping better. About 18 months.


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## Lit Chick (Aug 15, 2007)

My DS sounds similar to the OP. When he was teething it was bad. BAD. I would cry because I was so mad about having to nurse.
It got better though.

For us, we have a multitude of tricks to get DS to sleep better/longer/give me some peace. Sometimes he sleeps better in his crib. Sometimes he needs to snuggle all night long (and that becomes DH's duty. I'm for milk, I get touched enough at night). Sometimes he needs a paci, or the swing, whatever.

If teething or a growth spurt is what is making your LO extra-needy at night, I doubt that weaning will make any difference. Waking up that often at that age is probaly not due to hunger. I agree that your ped (while trying to be helpful) has no clue and should be disregarded.

When my DS wakes at night and is not hungry, I cannot put him back down. He refuses. But all my DH has to do is pick him up, walk down the hall, and DS is passed out cold by the time he walks back into the bedroom. Hopefully your DH can reset the baby's sleep button when you can't.


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

It looks like your little one is only a month and a bit younger than my ds. He had a really crappy patch a little while ago for sleeping/nursing A LOT during the night and it darn near drove me bonkers (also coincided perfectly with me being at the exhausted all the time portion of pregnancy
















In the last week or so he's started nursing for 5-10 minutes, and then rolling over and going to sleep at bedtime, and for the last three nights he's slept from 8pm - 4am without waking to nurse. I didn't do anything to try and get him there. He was sneaking in a late afternoon nap which I found was totally screwing with his nighttime sleep, so now he has a 1 1/2 - 2 hour early nap and I keep him up in the evening.

I really didn't see any end in sight before he suddenly stopped nursing/waking all night long, and suddenly - bam! life got easier. I was having horrible visions of having a newborn and two year old nursing all night.

Anyway, I have no solid advice, but just wanted to share my experience in case you decide to just hang in there. I've never actually night weaned/weaned a toddler, so I wouldn't know where to start offering advice for that







I hope things get better for you really soon.







I absolutely hate the feeling of being tired all the time. I hate it more than being sick, or allergies, or even the chronic pain in my legs.


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## thatblondegirl (Jan 16, 2008)

my son is 17mths. he co-slept until he was about 6mths. then he just wouldn't sleep anymore. he wanted to be latched ALL.NIGHT.LONG. not good for me. so i put him in his bed for the first stretch of the night. and he slept for 4 hours straight the first time! he would wake every 2 after that to nurse, then go right back to sleep. when he was 12mths he was back to waking up a lot. so i nightweaned him. and he now sleeps from 8pm straight thru to at least 4am. i am now trying to stretch him out a bit longer, but he's pretty much wide awake at 4am. he has never been a good sleeper, but since putting him in his own bed,and nightweaning, he is WAY WAY better than he was. i try to bring him into bed with us when he wakes at 4, but he can't stand being in our bed anymore! refuses to sleep. but if i take him downstairs and onto the couch, he most times will fall back to sleep. crazy kid.

i think it's just trial and error for each baby and parent. you just have to find what works for you two.

good luck!


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## adtake (Feb 1, 2006)

Sorry to hear the struggle you are having with night times! I totally get it!

I think the teeth might be playing a part in it, she is waking up a bunch at night. It made me tired reading it







Maybe some teething drops before bed?

Is she eating solids? You may want to try an extra bowl of oatmeal right before bed. That helped one of mine. It didnt mean he didn't wake up, but he did sleep a good bit when we first went to bed.

It does feel early to night wean a 1 year old, but remember every baby and situation is different. I think napping with her would be a big help. It might really help you and her out. How about on the weekends you get special extra naps while dad plays with her? Help to catch up a bit. Have grandma/friend come over to play once a week while you get some sleep right now.

Hang in there and as someone once said "this too shall pass"..they are only little once...as hard as it is it will be over way too soon! One day at a time.


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## aprilv (Aug 31, 2007)

my ds went through the same thing at this age (and a few other times). i suffered through it while it lasted and slept with his at nap time when i could.
i dreamed that night weaning would solve it, but i knew in my heart he still needed to nurse, so i didn't even try. now, at 22 mos, ds is such a better sleeper! i was marveling last night at how he goes to sleep pretty easily and stays that way until 3 or 4 am. i NEVER thought this would happen when i was going through the sleepless period, but it did! the best part is, i didn't 'do' anything to make it happen, it just happened in his own time.
i promise, this will pass. one day you'll look back and be amazed at the progress your lo has made!


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## locksmama (Jun 7, 2007)

thank you so very much for all the stories and advice mamas. it really is helping for me to read all of this as we move to a place where sleep will be better. we are considering partial weaning like from 12 to 5 like the Jay Gordon plan...I just think it would be healthier for all of us...I'm still conflicted though--I just really think part of this is me in the way as I think if I'm honest I actually like being needed and nursing at night..I just wish it were less frequent...
Thanks too for letting me know I'm not alone in all of this.


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## poetesss (Mar 2, 2006)

You never know, it might work...for my son, at about 18-20 months (can't remember exact time) nightweaning turned out to be the magic bullet. He will still get up once or twice, but instead of needing 5-10 min of nursing to go to sleep, he just snuggles up against me and knocks out in a few seconds. I realized afterwords that I was taking too much on myself by just assuming that in his case the nursing at night was a continued "need." He just replaced the affection gained by the nursing with the affection of a quick nighttime snuggle. And as far as calories go, I noticed that he'd make up by eating more in the morning upon awaking.

I will warn you that it does take a few days (weeks for some) and the child will obviously be upset a little bit, they've been used to one thing for so many months and when they get a shakeup it bugs them out. However I think the end result can be really beneficial for mom and baby.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
please no flames...but IMHO...it's not about YOU anymore. it's about your LO. if a parent starts a sentence with "I" then they need to remember what their reason for being on the planet is...to procreate. you are no longer #1.

that's just in my opinion...


My reason for being on the planet is not just to procreate. I am a mom and wife. If I do not have enough sleep to properly function during the day then my children and husband suffer along with me. My life is not all about my children nor is it all about myself - there needs to be a balance between the two for everyone to be happy. If I am no longer supposed to look out for my own needs, instead putting my children #1 at all times who exactly is there to take care of/look after my needs?

Having a happy, functioning mom is very important - I hope that you are sleeping through the night very soon!


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *locksmama* 
As for the night routine, I nurse her and we take her for a long walk and when we get home my dh puts her to sleep.

You nurse her then take her *outside* for a walk?

That would have messed up my son incredibly. Outside is fun, happy. It revs him up.

I wonder if you reversed it, took the walk, then had some down time in the house, THEN nursed and someone put the baby to bed, if it would work better?

I see by your sig that you seem to do EC? You're making sure to potty her when she's waking, yes?

We used dipes but I had EC in mind, and at 18 months I realized that I was messing up. He would get really floppy and squirmy in the night, and I would nurse him back to sleep, only to be woken up fully a little while later when he had peed and I had to change him and by the time that was done he was AWAKE. It would then take another hour or two to get him back to sleep.

I finally realized that his squirminess was b/c he needed to pee. I realized that when I have to "go" but don't want to get up, I squirm around and will finally get myself back to sleep. Of course my bladder is stronger than his, so while I will unconsciously keep the pee in, he couldn't do it yet, so he would make use of his dipe.

So as soon as he would squirm I would put him on the BBLP which was kept right next to the bed, then pull up his dipe and he would go *right* back to sleep for hours.

So be sure you're not accidentally missing her pee needs in your sleep deprived state.









Good luck!


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## Bebellyboo (Apr 19, 2008)

Wow, my DS is almost the same age as your DD and I was coming here hoping for some advice too!

I am also very sleep deprived and nursing a lot at night. But I don't feel my DS is ready to nightwean. I just started reading the book Sleepless in America and I think it might help us. I am only halfway through but already I am getting better naps out of him. Nighttime is still hard (both getting him to sleep and keeping him asleep). But I think it may take some time. He is teething right now too so that makes it harder.

I agree with a PP that taking her outside after nursing may wake her up more. Sleepless in America is all about matching calming techniques with baby temperaments and catching the "sleep window". If you miss it babies get overtired and tense and then when they do fall asleep they tend to sleep fitfully.

Anyway, just throwing out that book title and also I will keep tabs on this post to see if there is any more good advice.


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## bright_eyes (Dec 7, 2007)

My son is the exact same way as yours. We put him to bed and I get maybe 2 hours for him, and then the constant waking to nurse starts. I have felt the frustration of wanting him to stop waking up all night long to nurse but feeling torn about night weaning because it is no gaurantee that it will lead to better sleep and nursing is such an easy way to get him back to sleep. I've been so worried to put us both through so much stress and not have thigns get better.

Ds turned 2 last month and is still waking up just as often as he always has. Nothing has changed accept that I am convinced more than ever that things will never get better until he night weans. We are planning on night weaning him next weekend. I've waited it out all this time, hoping that it would just get better on its own and it hasn't. He still wakes up hourly to nurse all night long, and sometimes more often than that.

My suggestion is to read The No Cry Sleep Solution, and Sleepless in America and see if you can gently encourage night weaning. Chances are, she may still wake up occasionally at night, all kids do. But I am pretty sure it won't be as often as she is waking and you will start getting more sleep at night.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

You're talking about your 1yo right? WAYYYY toooo young to nightwean. FWIW, both of my kids were crappy sleepers.....even the one I nightweaned. Niether one slept through the night reliably until age 4.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

AP was never designed to be practiced the way it is today -- with moms and dads living on their own Parents Island. They had community support. They did not run themselves ragged. So while I agree that once you have kids, it's not JUST about you, it is still about the FAMILY. A family needs sleep!

Anyway, that said -- more solids during the day, tylenol if in teething pain (hyland's only works so far), a bath before bed, not too warm, not too cold, white noise -- those things help us.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leosmommy* 
please no flames...but IMHO...it's not about YOU anymore. it's about your LO. if a parent starts a sentence with "I" then they need to remember what their reason for being on the planet is...to procreate. you are no longer #1.

that's just in my opinion...

Not true its about both a mom who can't function whos soo stressed out and overly tired they feel anger towards there child isn't in a good situation. This doesn't mean CIO and such but it can mean some changes. I coslept with mine till around 9-10 months when all of a sudden we had tons of night waking and shes was not needing to nurse (shes refused) she'd just be awake and everyone was miserable. DH was a reack at work I couldn't function and was not a good mommy and shes melted down during the day.. When this stage didn't pass but got worse we decided to make a change. We did have a crib actually we sidecared it (though shse ussually ended up between us







) but we decided to place it seperate (but in our room still) and start her out in the crib (shes waS used to naps in it) We rocked her down the transiation was simple very few if any tears and all we responded to but she also started sleeping better.







Ussually went till around 4am where she'd snuggle with me in bed till we were ready to get up.. It was the best for us everyone got better sleep. It was just time it was meeting her needs and mine and DH It didn't take away all the benifits we did (And occasionally still do) get from cosleeping.

Deanna


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## True Blue (May 9, 2003)

Not going through the whole thread, but as mama to one of the worst sleepers ever, nightweaning did not work for DS. I nightweaned him and he woke just as much. He didn't sleep the night until he was 5. Talk about tired!!!

DD decided to sleep in her own bed before she was 2.5, all on her own. Sad for me







. But she was not weaned or nightweaned at the time and she had started sleeping really well all on her own. I had actually attempted nightweaning with her and it was too hard.

Just a glimpse at how different they can be!!! Hugs mama. I know what's it like to want sleep so bad it brings you to tears.







It might be helpful to not nurse in bed anymore though. Nurse to sleep in a rocker, the couch, etc and no nursing in bed. It might mean a few weeks of getting out of bed to nurse in the middle of the night though. I've heard of people making their tot stand while they nurse to make it less desirable at night. It can help eliminate the nonsense feedings.

I also recommend "Sleepless in America" by Mary Kurcinka. Worked wonders in our house. It's an AWESOME book (and most certainly not about CIO, leaving your child, etc.)


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## kohlby (Dec 5, 2005)

I nightweaned my son by 22 months because I wanted my fertility back - and he woke 5 times a night at 18 months! He woke up every single night asking to nurse for over a year! Even though I didn't give in, and he dealt well with me not giving in, he still asked. It wasn't that he magically stopped asking at one point - his asking was waking up newborn DD so I gave in. He nightweaned the second time easily a few months after 4. He started sleeping through the night at the same point.

He also started every night in his own room starting at 22 months. It was quite easy to get him to start - he wanted to do it! We did tell him that he could come into our bed partway through the night if he wanted to. This way, he got the comfort he needed. He did end up in our bed every single night until a few months after 4 years old. (Though due to our current summer sleeping arrangments, he's co-sleeping with DH now at 5 years old).


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## Absinthia (Mar 18, 2008)

Night weaning did help her sleep longer in one go. Sorry


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *locksmama* 
thank you so very much for all the stories and advice mamas. it really is helping for me to read all of this as we move to a place where sleep will be better. we are considering partial weaning like from 12 to 5 like the Jay Gordon plan...I just think it would be healthier for all of us...I'm still conflicted though--I just really think part of this is me in the way as I think if I'm honest I actually like being needed and nursing at night..I just wish it were less frequent...
Thanks too for letting me know I'm not alone in all of this.









That sounds like a good plan.

It's up to you how you want to do it.

In my case, nightweaning (we did this at 35 months) worked extremely well, and I only regret I didn't do it (a little bit) sooner. I suffered some moderate health issues this year and I really believe sleep deprivation had a substantial role in that. I would never nightwean before 12 months, and really probably not before 18 months, but after that, I consider fair game. We all have our different opinions though. But seriously, my 35 month old did not need to be nursing all night, and frankly I think SHE'S sleeping better not having the boobie snack bar all night.

I now sleep in the guest bed and DH handles the night routine. DD gets a "last chance" to nurse before I go to sleep (I go to bed before she does now







) then she doesn't get brought to me to nurse before the sun rises. I think the sun rise is a better marker than the time, since DD can see for herself if it's time or not. So if she wakes up before the sun comes up, the DH takes her to the potty and puts her back to bed. If she asks for me, DH reminds her "not until the sun comes up" and she whines but not too terribly. Then she goes back to sleep.

I am now ROUTINELY getting 8 hours of sleep at a stretch. This is a luxury that stuns me (before this, I was awakened every 1.5 hours on average, many more times on a bad night).


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