# Daycare Provider Yells at the Toddlers



## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

My daycare provider is, for the most part, awesome! DS is almost 9 mos & she Loooves him! Holds him all the time, has worn him in her Snugli carrier, even does some EC with him after she saw me do it & explain. Her house is a mile from my office, so I go see & nurse DS every day at lunch.

But she seems to favor babies over toddlers...







4 days per week, she now has, DS and 3 3-year olds (one set of twins), plus another 2 2-year olds a couple days a week.

The twin 3-year olds seem to act out a lot & I hear her yell & snap at them. Obviously, she hasn't yelled at DS as there's been no reason to. But, of course, I'm concerned for when he grows up.

I don't even know how to bring up the subject. Because 1. I have no problems whatsoever with how she treats _my_ kid,
2. I have no credibility since I don't have a toddler of my own.
(When it comes to parenthood... I'm used to being treated with, "You haven't been there Meg, so what do _you_ know?! You don't have a right to have any opinion, let alone voice it." I can't tell you how often ppl say that to all the child-less ppl on another discussion board I participate on.









While my own Mom wasn't "AP" - She ROCKED at GD. When she was mad, she'd lower her voice & talk through her teeth & we totally snapped to attention!! She didn't need to yell. She didn't need to punish either. I always had the impression getting more quiet was more effective anyway. Be calm & cool, not angry & loud.

Plus, one 3-yo girl drives DCP batty by asking her the same Qs over & over. DCP says she thinks the girl doesn't get enough attention at home, so she's seeking attention. Wouldn't a good way to handle this be to give her special "jobs" - to proactively engage with her to make her feel like she's being helpful & getting some attention? I don't see DCP do that & I feel like I want to suggest it... but again, who am _I_ to suggest how anyone interact with a toddler....

Any ideas greatly appreciated.


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

I would start looking for a different daycare provider. I really don't think you can change the DCP. I don't think suggesting alternatives would help; after all, she's the "expert." I doubt she would put much credence in what you might say, as you suggested.

I agree that her approach with the toddlers is counterproductive. I would also assume that unless your baby turns into an angelic toddler (there are a few of those - you never know), she will be yelling at your kid, too, when the time comes.

Normal toddler behaviors like asking the same question over and over should not result in yelling or snapping.


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Romana9+2* 
I would start looking for a different daycare provider.

I kinda thought that's what I'd hear.








Of course, if I DO pull DS & switch him to somewhere else, then I'd have to tell her why. I could outright lie about the reason, but I don't want to do that. It seems wrong to me to pull him without talking to her first about it. Yeah, it's highly unlikely she'll totally change her ways, but I feel like being honest & upfrong is the right thing to do anyway.

And even if DS is an angelic toddler so she never yells at him, I don't like him being _around_ the yelling. It also bugs me that she makes it kinda obvious that she loves all her kids... except those twins...


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## sweetkid (Feb 5, 2008)

My Mom has had an in home daycare for over 40 years. She LOVES the babies and the "care" they need is her addiction. As soon as any child hits any kind of independence she completely turns into a yelling control freak. This is incredably damaging to young children. The kids know who the favorites are.The babies are deeply effected by the yelling. All of the kids she's had as infants turned into really difficult toddlers with almost constant power struggles.

My child and 2 of my sisters kids are not allowed in my Mothers home when she has day care kids in the house, she is just too over the top different. It is very damaging and confusing. If you plan on using GD with your son you definitely NEED to find a new place for your baby, and yeah...be totally honest with her, it probably won't make a difference but maybe if one or two other people tell her the same thing she may try harder in the future.


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## Meems (Jan 8, 2007)

i would find a different DCP as well. the yelling is damaging to everyone, not to mention it sounds as if she has too many children there.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

What is she yelling? Is she being demeaning, or is she just trying to get a kid's attention?

There is a very high spirited child in my day home, and there are times that I need to raise my voice to get his attention and try to stop him from doing something. Of course I also physically intervene, but there are times that I am accross the room and he is about to knock someone over, and I have to get him to stop what he is doing before I can make my way to him. But I don't continue to yell at him, if he needs further correction I get down to his level and talk to him.

I also use "Oi!" as an attention-getter.

But that being said, I definitely think that if your gut instincts are that something isn't right here, then you need to do something about it. The only things I regret are the times I didn't listen to the little voice in my head.


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *just_lily* 
What is she yelling? Is she being demeaning, or is she just trying to get a kid's attention?

Good Q. I wouldn't quite say she's "demeaning." She doesn't insult or belittle. But she is not just trying to get attention. I'd say she yells as a punishment.

I'll hear in a fairly loud YELL, "Clean those cars up right now or you aren't going to play with cars anymore today."

Also things like, "You know better than that (<throwing toys or something>), sit down at my table now."

"Don't hit <kid's name>. He's your friend and you don't hit your friend."

She's definitely angry with them when she's yelling.


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## ihugtrees (Oct 16, 2008)

As a DCP, who has witnessed other DCP when parents aren't around...

She may not be as sweet with you DS when you aren't there. I don't mean to accuse, but I have worked at a few childcare centers and have witnessed many other nannies on play dates...they often treat the kids differently when the parents are around.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

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If she has yelled enough that you have noticed, meaning she is doing it while you are there and making no attempts to hide it...I would wonder what she is like when no one else is there.







Of course she treats your child like gold when you are in front of her, you know?

I would look elsewhere. I have been a DCP for years and while it is HARD HARD HARD work, I was able to maintain my GD expectations of myself with the DCP kids. I know that for myself (and I had nothing really to hide, I actually had web-cams up for a while for parents to see their kids at work) I was always on my 'best behavior' when parents were here. No matter what kind of crazy stressful day I had with the kids, I made sure to calm down and cheer up before pick up time, so I didn't come across as a frazzled DCP.

Even if you did bring it up to her, there is a small chance she will change. It sounds like she has 6 children there some days, including your child? I don't know where you are, but here, the maximum is 4 children per worker if one child is younger than a year. It is hard to have 4 kids, I can't imagine 6!!

Jope you find the perfect solution, best of luck to you.


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## hotmamacita (Sep 25, 2002)

I see this nanny out in public with her 'charge.' This woman is mean and harsh with her. She yells, throws fits and just is so awful to watch. I have never met the mom. Other women know the nanny and the mom and they all just seem to get along great from how familiar they are with each other. It is just been awful to think that the mother of this little girl knows at some level that her daycare provider relates like that to kids.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

you know, i might be a tad on the paranoid side, but i'm not sure if talking to her about it is a good plan if you are going to continue to leave your DS there for any length of time.

even if she's not the type to retaliate physically, or even intentionally, she might get mad, and that could affect your DS.

i think that someone who is always yelling at kids is not a good person to be watching them. it is damaging to everyone within earshot, including your son.









sorry you're in this situation


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ihugtrees* 
She may not be as sweet with you DS when you aren't there.

Oh, I should have addressed this in the first place...
I'm a totally paranoid person too, but one thing I'm quite confident about is that this lady is honest, genuine, & 'transparent.' First, I spend a lot of time there b/c I go & nurse DS at lunch time every day. I'm there at least 30, sometimes 45 min or more. So I see a lot of her interaction with the other kids.

But otherwise, she's just a really sincere person. She's one of those self-confident people who doesn't bother to act differently around anyone b/c she doesn't care if you don't like her, KWIM? That is sounding bad.. brain not functioning this AM! I mean it in a good way.


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