# I just lost my baby.



## BabyJinJin (Dec 7, 2006)

Hi ALL,

Great to know you guys through this blog which I'm pretty new to it. I'm from Malaysia and age 23.

I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago and was rather happy and worried at the same time as I'm not married and having to know that the father of the baby is currently facing a very huge business obstacle that makes him not being able afford for the baby at the mean time. Thus I was ask to go for an abortion pretty unwillingly and was standing up against the father that I wanted to keep it and I knew if he had been more stable and without that business obstacle he will want the baby as well and I know for him to ask me to go for the abortion its very heartache to him too.

But unfortunately when I went for my 2nd check up, the doc did a transvaginal scan and then explain to me saying that my amniotic sac is not seen clearly thus my baby is not healthy and needs to be removed immediately. My heart immediately fell to the ground when I heard that. Was so upset. So I told the father of the baby and he felt upset too. The the day came where the father accompanied me to the hospital for the procedure while I was rather afraid plus its my first time and its my first pregnancy and was still feeling guilty as things keep poundering my mind wondering what I have done that made me into a miscarriage situation.

Next minute the nurse called my name and walk me into the operation room and was given an injection to knock me off. Next thing I know was I woke up lying back down in my room feeling rather dizzy and a pain. I called for the father of the baby and he held me up and I sat up. After a while when I got back my senses I hug him and automatically tears just rolled down my cheeks and at that moment I know I have lost my baby.

I did my abortion last Thursday but my heart is still aching till now. I really hope that I will be able to get through this soon as I still miss my baby. Worst of all is this man I'm with cant afford to have any further commitment with me now as well as he is in serious business troubles that couldnt be explain.

What should I really do? I still feel like a lost soul? Liveless? Always missing the father of the baby. Should I be waiting for the baby's father? I'm rather lost now as I dont have much I can do now, its not easy for me to let go on my baby and at the same time the father due to all the business complications he cant give me any commitment and promise at all, feels strongly that he works better alone now. What should I really do?


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

babyjinjin
i am so sorry about what has happened.
you know, it doesn't help alot, but it might help to know that many pregnancies will end in the first trimester, they say 30%, because the biology of the sperm and egg is not meant to grow past that time. it is not your fault. it is out of our control.

to lose a relationship at the same time as losing a baby, well, you must be feeling so low. there isn't anything you can do to change either situation, so i think the best thing you can do is be gentle on yourself, focus on healing, and feeling all the feelings of loss that you are going through. it is so hard to be in a time when so much sucks, but i know from going through hard times that eventually it either gets a little better, or it gets easier to handle. you will find great strength from within yourself to carry you through this time. it does help to talk about it. you aren't alone, this is a great forum because there are so many women who are having the same thing happen, and there's a lot of support here. much love to you...


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## k9sarchik (Nov 11, 2006)

Babyjinjin,

What a tough situation to be in. I am so sorry for your losses.
The best you can do is take care of yourself and find support in your friends. You are probably feeling shock and sadness. Not to mention the abandonment from your boyfriend. It sounds like he genuinely cares for you since he was with you at the hospital. But you sound like you are a reasonable person and understand his situation.
After the feelings of loss and anger subside it does get better. You will move on and be a stronger woman from this.
We've all experienced these losses, maybe not at the same time like what has happened to you, but we all know how you feel. You are not alone.
Hang in there.


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## damselfly41 (Sep 21, 2006)

babyjinjin. I am sorry.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Just wanted to offer a


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## Jenns_3_babies (May 26, 2006)

you must know that you did NOT have an abortion. The dr's advised you on having this procedure done that will speed along your healing, and save you from natural complications (ie hemmorraging, infection).

I had a missed m/c earlier this year as well. For 3 weeks I was in denial, and had several bloodworks done, and 3 ultrasounds. But, my body refused to let go of the pregnancy. The baby was already gone, but the sac stayed.

I ended up towards the end getting very ill, lightheaded, faint all from which I believe on having this dead tissue as you will call it inside. As soon as I had the D&C done, I was back to normal. It was very hard. I remember crying going into the OR, but they gave me something to calm me down before knocking me out.

I wish I would've gotten the D&C done earlier, but I had to make sure. I was supposed to be almost 10 weeks, but the sac measured at 7 weeks with no baby.

Please, just let time heal your wounds, and take care of yourself in the next couple weeks. This baby knew it wasn't it's time yet, and someday it'll find its way back to you when you are ready.


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## BabyJinJin (Dec 7, 2006)

Thanks so much for replying to my blog. Well I am slowly recovering both from health and emotionally. Of cos it is still much harder to recover from emotion as no matter what it was a little life living inside me. I know how you felt as well but to think on the bright side that actually no matter what the father of the baby wanted me to abort it as well cos he was facing some huge business trouble which makes him pretty unstable to have this young one right now. Probably this baby knows its not the right time and we are both in difficult situation that is why its gone.

Anyway I'm just praying that this will not happen to me again. I do have a phobia right now that next round that I'm pregnant I might get a miscarriage too as i've gotten it before. Lets hope in future all my pregnancies will be healthy.

All the best to you as well.


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## SugrMagMama (Dec 8, 2005)

I found out on my 22nd b-day that I was pregnant with my 1st babe. After tests, they realized I had stage 3 cervical, uterine and vaginal cancer in which they wanted to do a medical termination to get me treated.

If I was left untreated there was a very large possibility of it growing and eventually sterilizing me and/or killing me.

With a broken heart I did what was advised. 12 years later I still think about my angel, but rest assured.. your life is still ahead of you and as hard as it is right now, you will find stregnth, peace and happiness to guide you along the way.

stay strong!
Kristina


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