# They shaved his head.



## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Mom and Dad are divorced.

Dad warned his fourth grade son that if he didn't straighten up in school, that he would have to get his head shaved.

He didn't straighten up in school. (poor grades, not turning in homework)

So, this weekend, Dad took him in the back yard, and shaved his head. It is just peach fuzz now. I just cannot beleive he did that, and that Mom was apparently O.K with it.

I am just stunned.


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## aja-belly (Oct 7, 2004)

that breaks my heart.


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## ShaggyDaddy (Jul 5, 2006)

that happened to me when I was 15, humiliation parenting at its finest.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShaggyDaddy* 
humiliation parenting at its finest.

Can you imagine going back to school with a shaved head?


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## ShaggyDaddy (Jul 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
Can you imagine going back to school with a shaved head?

I did. Sorry I was empathizing with sarcasm, not justifying. I think this is an awful thing to do to a person.

I am shaggy to this day, and every time my power struggle loving parents see me it twists them up and makes me feel a little more empowered than that 15 year old who was at the mercy of crazy ass parents.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShaggyDaddy* 
I did.


Oh. Yeah. I forgot.


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Talk about a random bizarre consequence. One of the things that I had to teach my dh is that punishments with no logical thought process don't focus on the problem, but rather the person administering the punishment. The kid is more likely mad at dad, rather than focusing on how to eliminate the issue. He's taught the kid nothing, but gave him a reason to be angry at his dad and forget the real issue.


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## napua (Feb 1, 2006)

That is just mean.

My cousin and her DH did something similar to their dd a few months back. They said she wasn't taking care of her hair (age 9) so they put it in a posy tail and chopped it off as her punishment. Turned out that she loved the haircut and so did everyone else so then they decided as her punishment they wouldn't allow her to donate her hair to locks of love since that was what she wanted.









I will never understand parents like that, it just makes me so sad.


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## crissei (Oct 17, 2004)

So who gets to shave dads head?


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

this happened to my sister's classmate. She had waist length strawberry blonde hair and they chopped it to her chin while she was sleeping. Something tells me stuff like that cant or shouldnt be legal.


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## AidansMommy1012 (Jan 9, 2006)

that poor kid! his self esteem was prolly already low from poor grades, it's gotta just be in the mud now. what the heck is wrong with people??

nak


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## tomtemama (Aug 7, 2004)

I can't believe that!!!

I'm so sorry this happened to you ShaggyDaddy







.


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

When I am reading those stories I am utterly amazed at the twisted ways some parents treat their children

Something that would not get them (parents) in trouble with law, but yet something that will get the kid right were it hurts the most







:

Gosh, can you (general you) just imagine somebody holding *you* down (or threatening enough so you won't move) and forcefully shaving *your* head? In our day and age? NOT in prison or in concentration camp?

Scary.







:


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

This....headshaving, spanking, it's all part of a bigger picture.

Adults who believe their children's bodies BELONG to them, and are simply extensions of them....to punish, injure, humiliate as they see fit. The point is the same....you are not safe. You aren't worth of respect as a human being.

It's the same thing that allows parents to physically and sexually assault their children.


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Blah.

It really [irks isn't the right word, but for the sake of not having energy to think of another word, I'll use it.] irks me that parents feel they have the right to humiliate their children and mess with their sense of physical autonomy.

Do they believe this is solidifying the bond between them?
It is not as if they are spanking them behind closed doors, they are making them wear their 'punishment' for all too see.

Bad grades? Blah.
Do they not believe that means there are 'underlying issues' whether it be the class is too hard, they're not stimulated enough, they cant concentrate because they're in love with Susie from 5th hour and she's dating his best friend, or possibly fear of success? Whatever it is, there is a better way to go about it with open communication.

Something 'similar' happened to my 5 year old sister - my mother didn't help her brush her hair, and said that because she was doing such a poor job of it - she just cut it off.

Really long silky blond locks almost shaved. I believe she had about an inch of hair. She sobbed, I sobbed for her. [After her hair grew out an inch or two more, I helped her with her new 'pixie' look, I bought her little ladybug clips with my lunch money, my mother was nonetoohappy.]
I was so furious at my mother, if parents don't see how humiliation just fuels anger - then they obviously haven't troubled themselves with thinking of the consenquences of how we treat our children.

Sorry for my soapbox rant.

ETA:
FOURTH GRADE?!?!?
Are you joking me?
He's having trouble in fourth grade, and instead of attention and help they offer up a plate of humiliation?














:







:


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
This....headshaving, spanking, it's all part of a bigger picture.

Adults who believe their children's bodies BELONG to them, and are simply extensions of them....to punish, injure, humiliate as they see fit. The point is the same....you are not safe. *You aren't worth of respect as a human being.*

It's the same thing that allows parents to physically and sexually assault their children.

Bolded mine.

That's what I was trying to say, thank you for putting it much shorter and more eloquently.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Unbeleivable. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that people think shaming their kids or trying to "break their spirits" is a good idea. I remember having trouble with my younger DD last year, and a friend kept trying to brainstorm different kinds of punishments that would "get through to" DD. I thought she was nuts and that DD needed to be built up, not knocked down even harder.

Cutting hair short because long hair is too much to handle is a reasonable solution- but it shouldn't be done as a punishment for not taking care of her hair, it should be a mutual decision- "Do you want to brush your own hair properly, sit still and let me brush your hair properly, or cut it short so it's easier to take care of? Having messy long hair most of the time is NOT an option."

I buzzed DS' hair this past September. He had nits and absolutely hated to sit still while I combed them out. Plus he has red hair with blonde streaks and the nits were practically invisible on his head. After making him sit through 2 or 3 several-hour long combing sessions, plus daily run-throughs with the nit comb in the course of a week or two, I asked him if he would prefer an "army haircut" so he could get back to school faster, and not have to keep being sent home for nits I missed. He said yes so I buzzed his hair. Had he said no I wouldn't have done it. I gave the girls the same choice and they obviously chose the combings.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

That poor child. What kind of message is that sending? I own you and I control you. You must submit to my will or I will violate you.
Ugh. That's awful.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

:


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## napua (Feb 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 

Cutting hair short because long hair is too much to handle is a reasonable solution- but it shouldn't be done as a punishment for not taking care of her hair, it should be a mutual decision- "Do you want to brush your own hair properly, sit still and let me brush your hair properly, or cut it short so it's easier to take care of? Having messy long hair most of the time is NOT an option."

I agree with you. I should say though that in regard to my cousin cutting her DD' hair as a punishment, her hair wasn't messy or knotted...she just isn't a prissy girl that wants to style her hair, but she is 9! They also told her that if she cried while they were cutting it, they would take another inch off. It just broke my heart.


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *napua* 
... as her punishment they wouldn't allow her to donate her hair to locks of love since that was what she wanted.









I will never understand parents like that, it just makes me so sad.


What would be the thought process?
Did they explain why they wanted others to 'suffer' for a punishment to their DD?
It would seem that encouraging her to be compassionate of others in their time of need (ie cancer or other tragic hair loss situations) would be more beneficial to her and their developments as people.
I just don't get it.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Slightly off topic a guy i know told his ds if he got good grades (a 4.0 I think) he would get a mohawk. (the dad)


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## napua (Feb 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katherinezuels* 
What would be the thought process?
Did they explain why they wanted others to 'suffer' for a punishment to their DD?
It would seem that encouraging her to be compassionate of others in their time of need (ie cancer or other tragic hair loss situations) would be more beneficial to her and their developments as people.
I just don't get it.

I don't get it either. I asked her and she said that by not allowing her to donate her hair, that would hurt her the most since she liked the haircut. My dh and I were in complete shock. Then again, these are people that spank with wooden spoons along with many, many other ways of discipline that I do not agree with. For that reason I have had to distant myself from her over the years.

It is sad that the are destroying their children. I can't imagine being so hurt by the ones that should love you more than anyone else.


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## kathirynne (Dec 29, 2004)

Are the boy's grades better now?

Honestly, do those parents think that the kid has "come to his senses" and is telling himself, "Thank goodness my parents shaved that annoying hair. Now I can buckle down and turn in my homework."?









You have to pass a test to get a driver's license, but anyone can be a parent.


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cherie2* 
Slightly off topic a guy i know told his ds if he got good grades (a 4.0 I think) he would get a mohawk. (the dad)









Now that, I think is awesome.








It's a choice, something discussed between the parents - and though I'm not big on rewards, it definitely seems like one that isn't materialistic or some other vice.
It's something he would like, and thats Totally awesome that the parents are willing to compromise and talk it out.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
Mom and Dad are divorced.

Dad warned his fourth grade son that if he didn't straighten up in school, that he would have to get his head shaved.

He didn't straighten up in school. (poor grades, not turning in homework)

So, this weekend, Dad took him in the back yard, and shaved his head. It is just peach fuzz now. I just cannot beleive he did that, and that Mom was apparently O.K with it.

I am just stunned.

Haven't read the responses yet couldn't wait, This just breaks my heart







. What the heck does hair have to do with grades behavior or anything.


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## libranbutterfly (Jan 12, 2007)

That is sad. How could that possibly help? They need to get him a tutor, or help him with his schoolwork at home. How is a fourth grader just supposed to "get better grades" all of a sudden?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *napua* 
They also told her that if she cried while they were cutting it, they would take another inch off. It just broke my heart.

This makes me sick. I've seen it before - the "if you cry, then..." thing. What on earth twists up someone's perceptions so much that they think crying while being punished is some kind of infraction that required further punishment? WTF?


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## BrooklynDoula (Oct 23, 2002)

What a stupid and insensitive and totally meaningless punishment. If my kid is doing bad in school, perhaps the right thing to do is find out WHY. I am sure that adding to the social pressures and self-hate so many teens already experience is really going to bring his grades right up!


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
This makes me sick. I've seen it before - the "if you cry, then..." thing. What on earth twists up someone's perceptions so much that they think crying while being punished is some kind of infraction that required further punishment? WTF?

I hate this!!!! Like how are you NOT supposed to cry? Sick sick sick! It's so unfortunate that all people can reproduce


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

It's hair. Why would you cut hair off to "punish" someone for not doing well in school? It doesn't make any sense and that is why I predict that the boy will still be having the same troubles in school.
What will they do then?


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Wow. I agree with all of the pps. Really. What kind of punishment is that? It doesn't solve the problem of bad grades, because clearly his hair is not related to his school issues. And a shaved head certainly won't make him fell any better about himself or give him extra confidence to work on whatever issues might be causing his problems with school.

"Consequences" that are totally unrelated to the problem at hand make no sense at all! Aargh! What are people thinking??


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## mimid (Dec 29, 2004)

:


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## Viewfinder (Sep 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Poot* 
this happened to my sister's classmate. She had waist length strawberry blonde hair and they chopped it to her chin while she was sleeping. Something tells me stuff like that cant or shouldnt be legal.


All of these stories in this thread are so AWFUL, and hateful and horrible and sick and twisted... and this one... I could hunt these parents down right now and... Oh man, waking up to that shock... what terrible, terrible people. And I agree... it seems like a human rights violation, somehow.

Owww. I wish I hadn't read this thread. I am so aching for all of these children, being hurt this way.

...curled up in fetal position crying...

VF


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## Katie Bugs Mama (Feb 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
That poor child. What kind of message is that sending? I own you and I control you. You must submit to my will or I will violate you.

Even worse, they're saying "you must submit to my will while I violate you." WTH kind of lesson is that to teach a child.














:


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## mamaverdi (Apr 5, 2005)

:


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## maygee (Dec 22, 2006)

really sickening!
I really think that this is rage directed at the kid- pissed that he didn't do "well" in school, and taking it personally...


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## northwoods1995 (Nov 17, 2003)

:


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

My grandfather did this type of thing to his only son in a family of 7 children. And now he wonders why Jeff has had a pony tail for the past 35 years and why they have a terrible relationship.

And that whole thing about not allowing a little girl to donate her hair that was cut without consent is really sick. Here's a kid with an innate sense of compassion for others and her parents use it to try and hurt her with it? WTF?!









Yeeeeesh!


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## wemoon (Aug 31, 2002)

Oh this is horrible what these people do to these kids







I can't even bring myself to *make* my kids go get haircuts when they are badly needed if the kids don't want to. I figure that it's their hair, not mine.


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## familytoe (Mar 12, 2005)

My dad threatened me with a hair cut when I was twelve.







:
My hair was really long and thick, down past my butt. I was having a hard time in school. He told me one night that he "figured out" he would have nothing to grab hold of and pull me down to the floor by if he cut it all off. Small blessings.

I am crying for the boy.


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## ShaggyDaddy (Jul 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wemoon* 
Oh this is horrible what these people do to these kids







I can't even bring myself to *make* my kids go get haircuts when they are badly needed if the kids don't want to. I figure that it's their hair, not mine.

We always joke that we practice "Child lead grooming" in our house.









Nobody gets a haircut unless they ask for one, they get to pick the style, etc.


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## sweetbabygirl19 (Nov 23, 2006)

: I just can't understand why people do this. I say people cuz I don't consider that parenting. The damage they are doing to this child. I just am soo sad reading this. Hugs to the boy. I just couldn't read and not respond.


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## Katie Bugs Mama (Feb 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *familytoe* 
My dad threatened me with a hair cut when I was twelve.







:
My hair was really long and thick, down past my butt. I was having a hard time in school. He told me one night that he "figured out" he would have nothing to grab hold of and pull me down to the floor by if he cut it all off. Small blessings.









I'm so sorry.


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## bullfrog (Feb 19, 2003)

That poor boy.

Reminds me of the time my step-mother 'grounded' me from my shoes.

I walked to school in my socks - got sent to the principals office and he called my step-mother and made her bring me shoes.







:


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bullfrog* 
That poor boy.

Reminds me of the time my step-mother 'grounded' me from my shoes.

I walked to school in my socks - got sent to the principals office and he called my step-mother and made her bring me shoes.







:

I accidentally broke my brother's bedroom window when I was around 7. My "father" made me stand outside in the middle of winter (in NW Indiana...it was negative with the wind chill) for an hour with no coat or shoes on. I can still remember what the tears freezing to my eyes and face felt like. It was such a vivid example of my "father's" abuse and depravity that I actually wrote a poem about it, I think I posted it here long ago.

Anyway, my heart breaks for that little boy.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bullfrog* 
That poor boy.

Reminds me of the time my step-mother 'grounded' me from my shoes.

I walked to school in my socks - got sent to the principals office and he called my step-mother and made her bring me shoes.







:

I was visiting someone who had an active case file with social services and her support worker came over. I was kind of venting with the other woman about our eldests, as they had both developed the habit of dropping clothes all over the house, and we were having trouble getting them to pick up after themselves. I said, "DS1 is really bad with his jackets and coats". The worker recommended confiscating them and getting rid of them. I just sat there thinking "someone who is charged with the protection of children just advocated taking my son's jacket away, because he doesn't clean up after himself. WTF?".

People have weird ideas.


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## ReuseCrafter (Nov 6, 2006)

:


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## sebarnes (Feb 2, 2005)

My mom did something like this to me. When I was little I got lice several times







. I mean, it was rampant in our school and I had really long hair. I never had a problem sitting while my mom combed my hair out or anything. Anyway, when I was about 9 maybe 10, my mom told me me that if I got lice again she would cut my hair. Man, I tried to be sooo careful, not share brushes or coats or anything, but lo and behold, at the next "lice check" at school (yet another fine example of public humiliation!) I had lice. They sent me home, and I begged my mom not to cut my hair. I mean, I was like seriously sobbing and hysterical. Finally, she promised me she wouldn't cut my hair, and being spent from crying, I fell asleep in her lap. When I woke up, she was in the middle of cutting my hair.







I will freely admit that I have not forgiven her for it to this day. I trusted her, and she completely betrayed that trust.


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## oyemicanto (Feb 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CherryBomb* 
I accidentally broke my brother's bedroom window when I was around 7. My "father" made me stand outside in the middle of winter (in NW Indiana...it was negative with the wind chill) for an hour with no coat or shoes on. I can still remember what the tears freezing to my eyes and face felt like. It was such a vivid example of my "father's" abuse and depravity that I actually wrote a poem about it, I think I posted it here long ago.

Anyway, my heart breaks for that little boy.









I'm so sorry.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cherie2* 
Slightly off topic a guy i know told his ds if he got good grades (a 4.0 I think) he would get a mohawk. (the dad)









Now *that* rocks. It's not like it'd hurt the kid if dad *didn't* ever get a mohawk, but he'd have fun while studying just thinking about it.


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *napua* 
That is just mean.

My cousin and her DH did something similar to their dd a few months back. They said she wasn't taking care of her hair (age 9) so they put it in a posy tail and chopped it off as her punishment. Turned out that she loved the haircut and so did everyone else so then they decided as her punishment they wouldn't allow her to donate her hair to locks of love since that was what she wanted.









I will never understand parents like that, it just makes me so sad.

okay now that, really is just beyond wrong, just as much as STRAIGNTEN UP OR ELSE!!! i mean really, threats to me never worked, they just made me scared and make more mistakes. its like those parents on you tube who assume that if they tape their children when they are having a tantrum ie crying and sayig please stop dont take a picture of me, its okay to laugh at them and call them ugly etc. cause they will learn whats good and whats not







um no!


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CherryBomb* 
I accidentally broke my brother's bedroom window when I was around 7. My "father" made me stand outside in the middle of winter (in NW Indiana...it was negative with the wind chill) for an hour with no coat or shoes on. I can still remember what the tears freezing to my eyes and face felt like. It was such a vivid example of my "father's" abuse and depravity that I actually wrote a poem about it, I think I posted it here long ago.

Anyway, my heart breaks for that little boy.

















now that like the others are beyond words


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShaggyDaddy* 
We always joke that we practice "Child lead grooming" in our house.









Nobody gets a haircut unless they ask for one, they get to pick the style, etc.

can you be my dad... PLEEEEASE !!







yes


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
This makes me sick. I've seen it before - the "if you cry, then..." thing. What on earth twists up someone's perceptions so much that they think crying while being punished is some kind of infraction that required further punishment? WTF?









that


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShaggyDaddy* 
We always joke that we practice "Child lead grooming" in our house.









Nobody gets a haircut unless they ask for one, they get to pick the style, etc.

That's my approach, too. DS1 had his hair down to his waist until he was 12. Then, he decided he wanted to hack it off - short and spiky. I had a whole bunch of people going, "was that his idea?". I just shook my head. Why on earth would I maintain for _12 years_ that he could cut it or not, as suited him, then suddenly decide he should hack it all off??

DH is onboard with dd being allowed to cut her hair if she wants. But, I'm not so sure it will go as smoothly if ds2 wants to grow his when he's older...


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

reading these just reinforces how much people suck. the worst part is these "parents" obviously learned to be abusive from their own "parents" but didn't have the guts to face it and do it differently with their own children.


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## northcountrymamma (Feb 24, 2006)

to me that sounds like - dog jumps up on people, better put a muzzle on him.
YK, two thing so totally unrelated....







:
Poor kid


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

That is horrible.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I was visiting someone who had an active case file with social services and her support worker came over. I was kind of venting with the other woman about our eldests, as they had both developed the habit of dropping clothes all over the house, and we were having trouble getting them to pick up after themselves. I said, "DS1 is really bad with his jackets and coats". The worker recommended confiscating them and getting rid of them. I just sat there thinking "someone who is charged with the protection of children just advocated taking my son's jacket away, because he doesn't clean up after himself. WTF?".

People have weird ideas.

Oh well, there goes my jacket









it's really scary that people with that kind of attitude are in doing support work


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ShaggyDaddy* 
We always joke that we practice "Child lead grooming" in our house.









Nobody gets a haircut unless they ask for one, they get to pick the style, etc.

We do too


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## lurable (Jul 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sebarnes* 
My mom did something like this to me. When I was little I got lice several times







. I mean, it was rampant in our school and I had really long hair. I never had a problem sitting while my mom combed my hair out or anything. Anyway, when I was about 9 maybe 10, my mom told me me that if I got lice again she would cut my hair. Man, I tried to be sooo careful, not share brushes or coats or anything, but lo and behold, at the next "lice check" at school (yet another fine example of public humiliation!) I had lice. They sent me home, and I begged my mom not to cut my hair. I mean, I was like seriously sobbing and hysterical. Finally, she promised me she wouldn't cut my hair, and being spent from crying, I fell asleep in her lap. When I woke up, she was in the middle of cutting my hair.







I will freely admit that I have not forgiven her for it to this day. I trusted her, and she completely betrayed that trust.









:














:


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## Sirte (Jun 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
The worker recommended confiscating them and getting rid of them. I just sat there thinking "someone who is charged with the protection of children just advocated taking my son's jacket away, because he doesn't clean up after himself. WTF?".

People have weird ideas.

On a similar note, I ran into a college classmate a year ago and discovered through casual conversation that he is now a social worker. He then shared with me that he has a 5 year old daughter who is "so bad" that he "had to send her to bed without supper two times" that week.







Seriously? Witholding food from another human being? And you're a social worker? Made me want to run away screaming and then promptly move to another planet.


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sirte* 
On a similar note, I ran into a college classmate a year ago and discovered through casual conversation that he is now a social worker. He then shared with me that he has a 5 year old daughter who is "so bad" that he "had to send her to bed without supper two times" that week.







Seriously? Witholding food from another human being? And you're a social worker? Made me want to run away screaming and then promptly move to another planet.


Yeah - thats just as bad as a parent withholding love and attention for 'bad' behavior.
I loathe LOATHE when a parent uses love and nurturing as a bargaining tool.
Yk?


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

This whole thread is so very sad.







:

I've been looking at pictures from WWII as part of a grad. class, and the photos of the French women whose heads were shaven as punishment for collaborating with the Germans stand out vividly in my mind. How can a child's "bad" grades possibly compare with collaborating with Nazi invaders, and yet the punishment is every bit the same.







:


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