# I'm so hurt--please give me a hug!



## frogautumn (May 24, 2007)

We were at a family party yesterday. My DS (3) has been using the potty for about 6 months, but he's still learning the ropes when it comes to the idea of using the toilet in public or in other people's homes. He's really independent and prefers to take care of things himself. So I guess yesterday, he felt the need to pee, walked to a corner of the yard, and went behind a tree.
No big deal to me, no big deal to DH, no big deal to in-laws (who are down-to-earth people and agree that when a little one has got to go, better to go on the lawn than in your pants). But evidently, it WAS a big deal to the other side of the family (my DH's sibling's spouse's family) who complained loudly and for a long time after we left about how disgusting that was and what kind of parents were we to allow such a thing.
















I'm just beside myself over this. Who could say such a thing about a child--MY child--an innocent 3yo who has no concept of what's socially appropriate??


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

I would ignore them and try to find the humor in the situation. What a cute story this will make when your son gets older. I think it's pretty cute anyway.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Uhhh, sounds like they've got issues. Dude, it's fine. Your kid was fine. No sweatin the lame people.


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## f&p'smama (Sep 3, 2006)

I'd be surprised if there are any boys who haven't done that! That's a horrible way to talk about him, a little boy who is still learning. I could understand if they weren't happy about it, but they shouldn't try to shame him, and you, about it. Though if it wasn't their house, I really don't get being upset by it.

IMO, they're not nice people and you shouldn't spend any time worrying about what people who are not nice think. Also who told you what they said? That wasn't cool to repeat it and make you upset.

I'm sorry!


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## jillyofthevalley (Oct 18, 2004)

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Some people obviously have nothing better to do with their time. When my ds was three we were at a backyard birthday party and he dropped his pants right in the middle of the yard and relieved himself! I was mortified but at least everyone else at the party saw the humor in it.









Hey, at least your little guy went behind a tree.


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## CalaRei (Mar 10, 2008)

Holy crap. I can't believe there are people out there still who feel the need to pour such negativity over something so ordinary. For what it's worth, my little brother peed off our back porch for years when he was younger. *shrugs*


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## Angharad (May 17, 2010)

Their problem not yours. I can see being appalled at a much older kid doing it, but a three year old? Like you said, he's got no concept of what's socially appropriate.

(((hugs)))


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

((((Hug)))

What everyone else said about it being their problem not yours. Try not to let it get you down. And just be glad that it wasn't what my nephew did at that age...

At about age 3, my nephew decided he had to go when we were all standing outside our IL's church. Well, dn apparently decided he had to go right there and then because all of a sudden we looked over and saw him watering the bush that grows next to the front steps of their church! He hadn't even gotten off the steps and gone around to the grassy area. He was just peeing between the railing onto the bush! If your ILs were that upset about your ds going in the corner of the yard, just imagine what they'd have said about that!


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

well, I could see if he had peed on something that they were using, or wanted to sit on, that'd be weird. But, it's nothing a hose can't fix.

If they were just being uptight about his lack of social graces... they should have been with my daughter when she peed in the display toilet in home depot. That wasn't cute.

I hope they never go camping. They wouldn't last an hour.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

When my oldest ds was a baby, he ran around outside nekkid all the time. I lived out in the country and thought nothing of it. One time I had new childless neighbors over for dinner (and at 17, felt very GROWN up to do this). We were all sitting around in a circle on the deck and my ds came into the middle, squatted and poo'ed. My boyfriend and I started laughing about it but the other couple (who I had thought were super laid back hippie types) did NOT find it funny. I think they swore never to have children after that or at least never to allow said children to run around nekkid.


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## Joyster (Oct 26, 2007)

I'm sorry you're upset. Don't be. (easier said than done) It's their issue, he's a 3 year old and when they gotta pee, most reasonable people don't get upset when they use a tree.


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## ps4624 (Apr 16, 2009)

I think it's totally weird their panties are in a bunch about that. I'm impressed your little guy to matters into his own hands (as it were). I think it's totally normal AND a non-issue.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

As far as I am concernced, little kids still potty learning can totally get away with going outside. I'd let my kids if we were all playing outside. He knew he needed to go, he knew he was outside, AND he knew he should go behind a tree rather than in his pants or right next to someone. He did the RIGHT thing in my mind. Why try to make it to the bathroom when the backside of a tree is more convenient? He is totally young enough to get away with that


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)




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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

It's not like the OP said, "Hey, hon, just go pee in the sandbox over there!" He's a little boy, he needed to go, he went. It was out of the way, no one TOLD him to do it, it just happened. I don't know any little boys who have not, at some point, decided it just made more sense to pee in the yard.

I am possibly the most uptight person on MDC when it comes to public nudity, bodily fluids, and germs, but even I file this under, "Oh well, it happens."


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## Purple*Lotus (Nov 1, 2007)

The school I work at used to have this issue with one of the kids









I have known some grown men in my lifetime who peed in their yards!









I don't see it as a huge deal since he was over by a tree. I mean, he is three and peeing outside is probably cool in and of itself. I wouldn't worry about it, OP


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

OP I don't see the issue the one side of the family had with it, particularly since the owners of the house were ok with it. FWIW, when DS was around 4 or so my then stepdad taught him the guy priviledge of the world was his urinal. So he'd be out in the wading pool and suddenly jump out to pee in the grass. That was bad enough to break, but his little sister saw this and followed suit! One day it was chilly out and DS and DH were outside playing catch. DD was potty training, announced she had to go pee, and tore off outside to squat in the middle of the yard! (At least she was housebroken?)









ETA: Nevermind. I'm just really surprised at the discussion this is turning in to!


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## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

Because a tree at the edge of the yard was in his line of sight or had been in his line of sight while he was outside. He likely had no idea where the bathroom was or heck, even if there was a bathroom. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe he couldn't find mommy or daddy in time and decided to take matters into his own hands. As others have said, I'd far rather my kid peed on a tree instead of in his pants.

So he peed at the base of a tree.







So what. If my kids are playing that close to a tree chances are they're either climbing it or trying to climb it and if that's the case then I have more to worry about than whether or not they're walking through human pee. You're outside, pee happens. If you don't want to walk through pee or have your children playing in pee then don't go outside because I can guarantee you that there's plenty of pee from all kinds of critters out there.


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## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *treeoflife3* 
maybe he had seen another animal go outside and figured since he needed to go, he could do the same thing...

This reminds me of a little boy my mom babysat many years ago. He'd occasionally crawl up to one of our chairs in the living room and lift his leg. Just like his dog did when he peed at home. Whether or not he was actually peeing at the time I don't know since he had his diaper on. Kids this young are mimics, who knows maybe he saw a dog do the same thing.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

This all just seems so bizarre to me, as I don't think I've been to a family function that didn't include the males peeing on trees. My husband's family is way classier, and they still pee in the woods when outdoors and busy. It's just what you do when you live rurally.


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## kittykat2481 (Nov 7, 2008)

When I was young and taught preschool, I had a little boy once who was 3 years old, and pretty close to potty trained. He knew to use the toilet, and most of the time he did. However, one day on the playground, I found him on the other side of the slide, pants around his ankles, peeing. We giggled, then reminded him to use the potty when he needed to pee. That afternoon I mentioned it to his mom, and she was embarrassed, saying that they had been camping that weekend and her DH had taught him how to pee standing up by a tree. We laughed, knowing where it came from, and knowing that we would have to teach him the difference. That wasn't the last time he peed on the playground before he finally learned when it was socially acceptable to pee outside.

It's not like the OP's ds said, "Mommy, I need to pee" and she said, "It's ok honey. Just go right here." He just did it. No harm, no foul. What was she to do at that point? Dig the wet dirt up and throw it away? Wipe up the grass with a towel? What's done was done. Laugh about it and remind him to use the potty.

Once, DH was driving down a long stretch of highway with DS in a driving rainstorm. Of course, about a mile after one exit, and about 3 miles before the next exit, DS grabs himself and starts crying that he has to pee RIGHT NOW. So, DH pulls off to the side of the road, crawls into the back seat, pulls DS's pants down, opens the car door, and aims his stream of pee out of the car. They never even got out of the car to pee. That was much better than him feeling the supposed "failure" of peeing in his carseat. The funny thing was that DS thought it was so interesting to pee that way, that he kept asking to do it for a while after that. If he could have, he would have happily peed out of the car again. Of course, in this situation, he is physically unable to do that on his own, but I can totally see how if the novelty was peeing on a tree, he would do that when no one else was looking.

OP, better for your son to make it to a tree and feel good about his accomplishment, than to have peed in his pants and felt sad for missing.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

s OP. Your DS did nothing wrong, and you did nothing wrong, and your family members are UAVs.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
This all just seems so bizarre to me, as I don't think I've been to a family function that didn't include the males peeing on trees. My husband's family is way classier, and they still pee in the woods when outdoors and busy. It's just what you do when you live rurally.











I would have thought it was cute to see a 3 yo peeing behind a tree. Not a big deal at all.








OP.


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## shishkeberry (Sep 24, 2004)

My DS has peed outside lots of times.







He knows not to make a habit of it but sometimes he has to do it. I'd much rather him pee on a tree than in his pants. Sometimes kids that age wait until the *very last second* to tell anyone they have to pee and even if you're outside at someone's house there simply isn't time to make it to the potty. Those relatives are just being uptight.


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## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

Can you imagine the snit those relatives would have had if the little guy had tried to make it to the bathroom and didn't get there in time and instead peed on the carpet?


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

and hey, peeing outside is better than peeing in his pants, if you ask me. I probably wouldn't have brought any extra clothes - so what would everyone say if he had to walk around with wet clothes the rest of the time.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

My kid has done it and most little boys I've been around have done it, and I don't generally hang out with disgusting people. I do, however, hang out with a lot of campers and hikers.
Why does a 3 year old pee on a tree when a toilet is available? I dunno. Just like I dunno why a 3yo likes to put his underwear on his head.


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## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 







s OP. Your DS did nothing wrong, and you did nothing wrong, and your family members are UAVs.











Both of my boys pee by the trees in my backyard. One is 3, the other is 7. It's no big deal. I definitely prefer for them to hit a tree instead of run through my house dripping wet (from playing with the hose) and tracking dirt and mud everywhere just to go in a toilet.

When my 7 year old taught his little brother how to pee by a tree, it was one of the sweetest moments ever. And when I saw my 3 year old watch his big brother and copy what he was doing, it was beautiful. The act of peeing? Not so beautiful. But, the love and admiration between my kids around that simple thing that all boys eventually do - it was perfection. Not dirty. Not disgusting.

There are these wonderful, innocent things that children do that are more than just cute, They're classic. They're miraculous. Unabashedly peeing by a tree is one of those things.


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## kittykat2481 (Nov 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lotusdebi* 









Both of my boys pee by the trees in my backyard. One is 3, the other is 7. It's no big deal. I definitely prefer for them to hit a tree instead of run through my house dripping wet (from playing with the hose) and tracking dirt and mud everywhere just to go in a toilet.

When my 7 year old taught his little brother how to pee by a tree, it was one of the sweetest moments ever. And when I saw my 3 year old watch his big brother and copy what he was doing, it was beautiful. The act of peeing? Not so beautiful. But, the love and admiration between my kids around that simple thing that all boys eventually do - it was perfection. Not dirty. Not disgusting.

There are these wonderful, innocent things that children do that are more than just cute, They're classic. They're miraculous. Unabashedly peeing by a tree is one of those things.

Wow, no one has ever made me teary eyed over the mental image of boys peeing. You made it sound so wonderful though.


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## Azik's mom (Nov 19, 2007)

Hugs Mama. Regardless of if people think peeing outside is inappropriate or not the reaction of those relatives were totally out of order. Personally I don't see the big deal, I would not have had a problem with it.

Interestingly, one of survivors of the quake in Haiti told the story of drinking his urine..... yuck yes. but it seems as though that is what kept him alive. The "germs: did not kill him.

For liability reasons Im not suggesting that anyone do this lol.


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## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Azik's mom* 
For liability reasons Im not suggesting that anyone do this lol.









<--- Oops! Wish I saw your disclaimer sooner!


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

A boy at age 3? I would have just said, "Thank goodness he didn't pee his pants" and maybe offered to point out the bathroom (in a kind way).

I don't see any reason to make a big deal out of it. 1) If it wasn't just an accident or growing pains and the parents believed in it, what could I do? Change their minds? I doubt it. 2) If it was an accident then it's pretty low to yell at a mom and a 3yo! Sheesh.


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## seawind (Sep 28, 2007)

the time to grow up comes soon enough. when you have to grin and bear it, when you have to hold your pee while running around looking for a restroom. let children be children. their innocence is a joy to watch, people who miss to see that in children are sad folks. let them be.

it's only a kid's pee. ironically, some of these uptight people who are so grossed out by a child's pee don't think twice about applying cancer causing pesticides and fertilizers on their lawns! go figure.


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## baltic_ballet (May 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Azik's mom* 
Interestingly, one of survivors of the quake in Haiti told the story of drinking his urine..... yuck yes. but it seems as though that is what kept him alive. The "germs: did not kill him.

For liability reasons Im not suggesting that anyone do this lol.


Bear Grylls has drunk his own urine on the tv show Man vs. Wild (aka Born Survivor) many times.

My boys have peed of the back veranda if their isn't a bathroom available (3 of them are much older than 3).

Found a intresting thread in the _Diggin in the Earth_ forum about using urine as fertilizer:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1223035


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## Asparagus78 (Aug 14, 2009)

I've peed behind trees. Recently. Which means I was nowhere near 3. And yes, I am fully potty trained but sometimes, when nature calls, you just gotta go! (In my defense, I was hugely pregnant and had to go, but still...)


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Returning and reopening









As you might notice, the thread is now shorter. A conversation, including responses, was removed due to User Agreement violations. Please keep the User Agreement in mind when posting. First and foremost, we ask that

Quote:

Through your direct or indirect participation here you agree to make a personal effort to maintain a comfortable and respectful atmosphere for our guests and members.
You can accomplish this by following this part of the UA:

Quote:

Do not post in a disrespectful, defamatory, adversarial, baiting, harassing, offensive, insultingly sarcastic or otherwise improper manner, toward a member or other individual, including casting of suspicion upon a person, invasion of privacy, humiliation, demeaning criticism, name-calling, personal attack or in any way which violates the law.
Disagreement is fine-- this isn't a support-only thread-- but we do ask that debate be friendly and respectful.

Additionally, if you see a post that you feel violates MDC's User Agreement, please report it rather than calling members out on the thread.

Finally, if you would like to have a discussion on the sterility of urine, that would best be placed in Health and Healing.

As always, feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)




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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

My DD has done this, in the middle of the party. We did say, oops, let's find a potty. But not a soul thought it was weird, and it was a party of mostly boys!

Also, since she and I spend a lot of time on the road for doctor visits, we usually just pee on the side of the road instead of risking nasty public restrooms where she just can't avoid touching stuff. It's quicker and cleaner, and, I think, safer. I do keep a tiny potty in the car for such purposes, but there's still a shiny white booty there.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lotusdebi* 
There are these wonderful, innocent things that children do that are more than just cute, They're classic. They're miraculous. Unabashedly peeing by a tree is one of those things.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *seawind* 
the time to grow up comes soon enough. when you have to grin and bear it, when you have to hold your pee while running around looking for a restroom. let children be children. their innocence is a joy to watch, people who miss to see that in children are sad folks. let them be.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

I'm going to try again.

I don't think it's OK for anyone to pee in a backyard. I see where your DH's family is coming from. They probably don't have a problem with your son but rather with what he did and your reaction to it. Maybe it's something to think about and use as a teaching moment. You could tell him that while you don't have a problem with what he did, some people do and so he should ask where the toilet is the next time you're at someone else's house.


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## pokeyrin (Apr 3, 2008)




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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JL83* 
I'm going to try again.

I don't think it's OK for anyone to pee in a backyard. I see where your DH's family is coming from. They probably don't have a problem with your son but rather with what he did and your reaction to it. Maybe it's something to think about and use as a teaching moment. You could tell him that while you don't have a problem with what he did, some people do and so he should ask where the toilet is the next time you're at someone else's house.

Can I ask what the proper reaction would be? The kid is 3, has just finished up potty learning. It happens. Maybe he was just feeling too shy to ask? Toddlers do weird things sometimes. And the OP didn't clarify about whether or not she used it as a teaching moment, so you can't make the assumption that she didn't. She simply said that a big deal wasn't made out of it. Should a big deal been made out of it?

And the fact that the other side of the fam decided to use it as an example of what incompetent parents they are really irks me.


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## Marylizah (Jun 17, 2005)

DS pees outside all.the.time. I grew up in the US, in a neighborhood that was so friendly that if a kid had an emergency potty need we could knock on pretty much anyone's door and use the bathroom. I now live in a country (France) that has basically no public toilets. Even restaurants and shops-- sometimes you have to pay to use the potty or buy something first. This means that when we're out and about, 4 year old DS sometimes has to go outside. We try our best to minimize it (peeing before we leave, taking every bathroom opportunity available) but sometimes, you just have to go. It IS better to find a tree than to wet yourself on the bus. Ask me how I know.







Before living here (and before having a young child) I probably would have been pretty judge-y about seeing a kid pee in public. I'm sorry your family was rude. They either don't know or have forgotten what it's like to have a young preschooler.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Guy putting his 2 cents in here.

1) Urine is sterile, so really whats the big deal?

2) I know plenty of guys, and I know that every single _one_ of them has peed in the yard/outside at least once. Most do it more then once. Heck it's practically a right of passage!


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## frogautumn (May 24, 2007)

Thank you for hugs and for sharing all your sweet stories. I'm feeling a little warm and fuzzy about the innocence of childhood. I've made my peace with the situation.

JL--Thank you for your honest perspective as well.
Like Boudicca said, I didn't mention specifically how my DH & I handled it, all I said was that we didn't make a big deal about it.

Let me assure you, there were some pretty ugly, judgmental words being thrown around by adults that should know better. It's always interesting to me when people who consider themselves to be very classy and proper do and say very unclassy things. It's as if obedience to "the rules" comes before good humor, kindness, and understanding. If that's class, I prefer to be unclassy--I also know that I would NEVER treat a child that way.

Luckily, my son is 3 and has plenty of time to learn not only good manners and etiquette, but also the grace to know when to let the manners slide.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
...

If they were just being uptight about his lack of social graces... they should have been with my daughter when she peed in the display toilet in home depot. That wasn't cute.

...

Oh my gosh, what did you do???









To the OP...







This just happened at a play date. The other little boy (4) just picked a tree (in the front yard even!) and pulled down his pants. I cracked up. I mean, what are you going to do? They are still learning.

My son will NOT go outside for anything. This has been hard on a couple of road trips in the middle of nowhere. Next time I'm bringing his training potty just in case.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Dude, my husband just peed in our backyard the other night.

I think its a riot. Atleast he went behind a tree, and not in their shoes.

Tell them to relax and move on. Seriously.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

Sounds like someone was potty trained WAY to early, and I don't mean your son.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Boudicca~* 
Can I ask what the proper reaction would be? The kid is 3, has just finished up potty learning. It happens. Maybe he was just feeling too shy to ask? Toddlers do weird things sometimes. And the OP didn't clarify about whether or not she used it as a teaching moment, so you can't make the assumption that she didn't. She simply said that a big deal wasn't made out of it. Should a big deal been made out of it?

And the fact that the other side of the fam decided to use it as an example of what incompetent parents they are really irks me.

I think that a reaction of telling the kid it wasn't OK, and then purposely showing him where the toilet was so that he could finish peeing would have worked. That would show the other people that the OP didn't think it was OK for him to pee in the yard. It would have taught the child that he should find a toilet.

I think that a big deal should have been made.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

I don't think a little boy can stop peeing and then walk to a toilet and finish peeing. I think once the stream has started there's no turning back. LOL However if DS did that I wouldn't make a big deal of it but I would show him the toilet for next time.

To the OP, sorry your relatives were not more understanding.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aprons_and_acorns* 
I don't think a little boy can stop peeing and then walk to a toilet and finish peeing. I think once the stream has started there's no turning back. LOL However if DS did that I wouldn't make a big deal of it but I would show him the toilet for next time.

To the OP, sorry your relatives were not more understanding.









I didn't say that the boy could have stopped. But I think that taking him immediately to the toilet would show him that peeing in the yard wasn't actually a shortcut and that he still had to step away from playing for a minute or two.


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## ~ Wonderful Life ~ (Apr 14, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PoppyMama* 
I would ignore them and try to find the humor in the situation. What a cute story this will make when your son gets older. I think it's pretty cute anyway.

Agree 100% with this.

Ignore them.


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## frogautumn (May 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JL83* 
I think that a reaction of telling the kid it wasn't OK, and then purposely showing him where the toilet was so that he could finish peeing would have worked. That would show the other people that the OP didn't think it was OK for him to pee in the yard. It would have taught the child that he should find a toilet.

I think that a big deal should have been made.

Again, I'll reiterate that I didn't mention specifically how we handled it. That's between DH, DS, and myself.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JL83* 
I didn't say that the boy could have stopped. But I think that taking him immediately to the toilet would show him that peeing in the yard wasn't actually a shortcut and that he still had to step away from playing for a minute or two.

Oh, I misunderstood. I would have done the same thing, walked him to the toilet to remind him where it was.

I wouldn't want my three year old to pee in someone's yard but I don't think its a big deal if it happened once. During the potty learning weeks we had quite a few little emergencies.

ETA: Maybe I would prefer him to pee in someone's yard rather than run through their house with dirty shoes in a last-minute dash for the toilet. That was one from our potty training archives. Learning as we go


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## brittney_ (Feb 10, 2010)

My son finds any opportunity he can to pee in a bush. Luckily we live in a rural area. I think its a pretty normal boy thing.







I'm pretty sure its helping his aim too, he's gotten pretty accurate!


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JL83* 
I think that a reaction of telling the kid it wasn't OK, and then purposely showing him where the toilet was so that he could finish peeing would have worked. That would show the other people that the OP didn't think it was OK for him to pee in the yard. It would have taught the child that he should find a toilet.

I think that a big deal should have been made.

And it's ok that you feel that way. Obviously your opinion is not the only one and folks don't get to tell others how to parent or be nasty when someone chooses to do something differently. We did EC with my daughter and there have been more than a few times when we have pulled over the car and let her pee on peoples front lawns (this is completely random people mind you) because respecting her right to not have to pee in a diaper is that important to us. No one is harmed by our actions. Seriously. No harm in any way. You might feel that it is a Terrible Terrible Thing, but I don't care. You raise your kids and I'll raise mine.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

What he did was understandable at his age and no big deal, and they shouldn't have talked about it in a shaming way around him.


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## NellieKatz (Jun 19, 2009)

Some people are very inflexible. It's so unnecessary.

Can I try to make you chuckle here? Let me try. My son was in Shaw's (a chain of LARGE) supermarkets here a few years back when he really had to pee BAD. But he had this phobia about the loud and/or automatic toilets flushing, and he knew that this was THAT type of bathroom. So as we ran toward the front of the store, me yelling in passing to an employee "where's the bathrooooomm????" as we sort of sailed by, the guy pointed and told us where (to the front and turn right), and we kept running and what happened was my son ran ahead of me and turned LEFT and out of sight, so I of course chase him wondering where on earth is he trying to go? And some employees point in the direction of the FRONT DOOR (yes, as in OUT of the store...which he NEVER does and OMG there is a parking lot out there) so I tear out after him frantically, only to be met by the cutest and most horrifying sight:

My son, standing in front of the main entrance of the store, people all around, with his pants around his ankles (the image still in my mind is those tiny half moons of his), with an arc of pee aimed in the general direction of the PLANTS AND FLOWERS on sale in front of the store.

I didn't know whether to laugh or disappear into the pavement. But he, er, took matters into his own hands I guess. Always the problem-solver, that kid.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NellieKatz* 
Some people are very inflexible. It's so unnecessary.

Can I try to make you chuckle here? Let me try. My son was in Shaw's (a chain of LARGE) supermarkets here a few years back when he really had to pee BAD. But he had this phobia about the loud and/or automatic toilets flushing, and he knew that this was THAT type of bathroom. So as we ran toward the front of the store, me yelling in passing to an employee "where's the bathrooooomm????" as we sort of sailed by, the guy pointed and told us where (to the front and turn right), and we kept running and what happened was my son ran ahead of me and turned LEFT and out of sight, so I of course chase him wondering where on earth is he trying to go? And some employees point in the direction of the FRONT DOOR (yes, as in OUT of the store...which he NEVER does and OMG there is a parking lot out there) so I tear out after him frantically, only to be met by the cutest and most horrifying sight:

My son, standing in front of the main entrance of the store, people all around, with his pants around his ankles (the image still in my mind is those tiny half moons of his), with an arc of pee aimed in the general direction of the PLANTS AND FLOWERS on sale in front of the store.

I didn't know whether to laugh or disappear into the pavement. But he, er, took matters into his own hands I guess. Always the problem-solver, that kid. 









O.M.G!!!

How old was he?


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## onlyboys (Feb 12, 2004)

No biggie. I have four boys, all of whom occasionally pee in the yard if they are engaged in work that requires intense concentration or attention. It doesn't bother me or my family in the slightest.

JL, I agree with a previous poster: feel free to instruct your child however you wish, and make big deals out of whatever you wish. For me and mine, peeing outside isn't weird or an indication of lax parenting; we don't make "big deals" out of things that simply aren't.

OP, let it go; you aren't going to change any minds there. Obviously, the side of the family who blew it out of proportion is going to find fault with what you, your parenting and your son no matter what it is that you do. I've been found guilty of breastfeeding too long, endangering my children by not circing them, almost killing them at a homebirth, yada yada yada. The truth, though, is that I am guilty of being ME, of choosing a path that is different than theirs.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

DD was potty training, announced she had to go pee, and tore off outside to squat in the middle of the yard! (At least she was housebroken?)


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## tjjazzy (Jan 18, 2007)

those people must not have had children! most boys LOVE to pee outside and he's 3! they should've been celebrating that he's learned to go on the potty. never mind that he did it outside behind a tree! at least he didn't do it in a potted plant or something. ugh. i hope that he didn't hear their comments








*hugs*


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

If not allowed to pee outside, I don't think DS would have ever gotten out of diapers.

Males peeing outside is not at all unusual where I live. Heck, even I prefer outside (where no one can see me) to going in an outhouse.

I can, however, envision somepeople I know making a huge issue out of it. I would tell them to pick on someone their own size.

They sound grouchy and mean, I wouldn't waste time worrying about them.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

What an odd thing to get so upset about!!

When ds was 3 we lived in a 3rd story apartment with a balcony off the back. One day he peed off the balcony - I had no idea until a few weeks later when my downstairs neighbor laughted and told me the story.

Of course we talked about not doing that again.. but really, it's just not that big of a deal!!!


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

Last May we had my dd's bday party at the local park...which has no bathrooms. I didn't even think about that when planning it! My three year old nephew dropped his pants, not out of the way behind a tree, but in the middle of the park in front of God and everybody and POOPED!! I guess we are all disgusting and bad parents/grandparents/aunts,uncles and cousins because we all laughed, a lot! Poor baby did the best he could with what he had, better the ground than his pants. Since it was poop in the middle of the park, his mom did do clean up duty.

I have been known to hold use the car door and my body to block view as best I can and let my son pee in parking lots. As said, when you gotta go and you're two or three.....

He peed in a cup at the movie theater rather than miss the ending of how to train your dragon. Ah, boys!










Don't let it bother you. Ignore mean people.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

My daughter used to like to pee in the yard and she'd ask and I'd say OK. It was my yard, so what the heck. She pooped out there once also, but I cleaned that up.


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

Oh mama...I'm so sorry....doesn't their behavior just make you want to.....pee on them?









Ok here is my story and I hope it makes you feel better. When my oldest son who is 21 now but was once upon a time 3 yrs old learned to go potty, he went everywhere too. And I do mean everywhere and anywhere. My FIL taught him that. He (son NOT FIL) would walk out to the blacony and pee off the side. Everytime my back was turned....and it was always where the other residents of where we lived could see too. We were asked nicely to "correct the problem" or be asked to leave.









He had a tool bench with little pull out drawers and one day I was cleaning up his room and I couldn't figure out what the %$^& was that smell....so...yeah he had ummm filled up those little pull out drawers for me....









Ever had a child pee down the floor vents in your house? I have. Ever had one "finger paint" the bathroom wall for you in poop? I have.....

Here's what I learned. They grow out of it. My 21 yr old and my 16 yr old boys and yes even my 14 yr old boy all grew out of it. They are all very normal (as normal as random pee'ers can be) but they are well adjusted and happy children, and very nicely mannered young men. Your little guy will grow out of it...I promise.

Now I am off to find that picture of my oldest peeing on his uncle's Corvette. He's getting married in about a year and I want it to be a wedding present. I am still trying to scrub his poop finger paints off the wall.... ( the 21 yr old...NOT the uncle).









Don't sweat the relatives...it's obvious they missed something very important in the lives of their children as they grew up. Perfect parents of perfect children always do. Don't feel sorry for them, they were too busy looking in the mirror and admiring how perfect they all were.









Hugs and kisses and enjoy him and never feel bad about what he does. He loves you very much.


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## Purple Cat (Jun 8, 2008)

I'm fairly confident that anyone who hears your in-laws rant about your son's "indiscretion," if you can even call it that, will find the commentary speaks volumes about your in-laws and highlights their weaknesses and shortcomings, not yours or your family's.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NellieKatz* 
...

My son, standing in front of the main entrance of the store, people all around, with his pants around his ankles (the image still in my mind is those tiny half moons of his), with an arc of pee aimed in the general direction of the PLANTS AND FLOWERS on sale in front of the store.

I didn't know whether to laugh or disappear into the pavement. But he, er, took matters into his own hands I guess. Always the problem-solver, that kid. 

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What were the people doing? Horrified or laughing? I'd have to laugh.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Eh, my DS knows that if we're playing outside and he has to pee, he's welcome to go in the ivy if he doesn't feel like walking into the house. It started one day when we were playing in the water and he was all wet, so instead of having him track water through the house I told him to just go in the ivy. He thought it was hilarious, and now pretty much every time we play outside he suddenly "has" to go pee.


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## frogautumn (May 24, 2007)

Thanks again, I'm cracking up reading all of these stories.

The people in question are not relatives of mine or my DH's. My in-laws are just about the most wonderful relatives one could ask for. The comment-makers were my SIL's MIL & SIL (so my DH's sister's husband's mother and my DH's sister's husband's brother's wife--got that?







). I probably see them once, maybe twice a year.

Yesterday, the boys & I were at my parent's house. We were out in the front yard watching the town workers do some construction. One of the workers walked right past my dad, into the yard, and peed unabashedly behind a bush. At first we were







but then started cracking up thinking about the story with DS. Poor guy probably works outside all day without access to a bathroom. I guess we are all Mother Nature's children.


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## NellieKatz (Jun 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What were the people doing? Horrified or laughing? I'd have to laugh.


I didn't make eye contact, as you can imagine. I have a dim memory of laughter. I mean, I sort of did too, because although it was horrifying, it was pretty darn funny.

And to the other lady who asked (was her name Barb?), I can't remember how old he was. Old enough to know better, though.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

My dd pooped in my employers yard when she was little. It was very uncharacteristic of her and completely humiliating for me, but she was just awesome about it. Try to not let their comments get to you, some people will focus only on the few negative things or will form their entire opinion of you based on your bad day no matter how wonderful you are as a parent or how well behaved your kids are overall.


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## Bellabaz (Feb 27, 2008)

Wow, hugs for you. We use trees in parks too so I guess we are super gross. =)


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## hopefulfaith (Mar 28, 2005)

Peeing outside was *part* of helping my ds PL.







Feel like you have to go? Great! I'm so glad you are listening to your body! Woohoo, ds!!!!!

My mom and stepdad live on a golf course. Fourth hole.
Note to self: said parents do not appreciate ds peeing on a tree while the Saturday morning golfers play through. Or me congratulating ds. Or my sister taking a picture of ds because it was freaking hilarious.

She still gets mad when we laugh about it, and tells me it's gross.









I'm just glad he goes when he has to. We also use trees in parks because I am so grossed out by porta potties.








I don't see a problem with it. Instead, I say way to go for your PL'ing son!!!!!!


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hopefulfaith* 
My mom and stepdad live on a golf course. Fourth hole.
Note to self: said parents do not appreciate ds peeing on a tree while the Saturday morning golfers play through. Or me congratulating ds. Or my sister taking a picture of ds because it was freaking hilarious.

16th green here.

The shrub fence of my neighbor has been somehow designated as THE potty spot so seeing the back of a guy occassionally is totally normal. And we are on a nice course. Sometimes I guess you just have to go and in my experience golfers will go just about anywhere.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

...*runs off to pee on OP's relatives*


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## mummyofan (Jun 25, 2008)

My son always 'waters the plants' when he needs to...
Ignore them.It's REALLY very normal.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Ds is two so I guess we have this to look forward to.









I think indiscriminate urinating is somewhat to be expected in a three year old. I wouldn't consider it worth getting riled up about unless they were older.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Ds was the first boy this year to pee out side







His teacher was very good about telling me that they didnt make a big deal about it and that he didnt get into any trouble at all. They just asked that he go in and use the toilet from then on.









I had on occasion had him to go outside for various reasons. Now at home if the kids are out playing he always pee's outside. But he asks for a bathroom at other peoples houses. He is 5.7y now and fwiw dh will go outside when the situation warrents it and so do I in the back yard if I need to.


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## FoxintheSnow (May 11, 2004)

Our ds pees in our yard all the time. As do dogs, cats, raccoons, bears, deer, insects, armadillos, possums, squirrels etc. Pee is pee and not a big deal. No one's yard is sterile of it. If Im unloading groceries and ds has to go I encourage him to go on the bush. It saves water too.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

We've taught my 3 year old to only pee outside if he has "no other choice."

So, often, he runs up and asks, "Mama, do I have no other choice?"


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

I have friends who live on land with no indoor plumbing. They prefer you pee in the yard and not in the outhouses. Outhouses are more for poop, something about the pee adding too much moisture and then making it stinkier or something.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Riding on the bus in college, with a mix of most sorts of people, elderly, young, middle aged, men, women, different cultures, on the bus. We were stopped at the mall which is a slightly longer stop, but not really long enough to go all the way to the bathroom and get back before the bus leaves. Little boy asks his mom for the potty. Mom checks with the bus driver that the bus will be staying for a few minutes. Takes the boy to the bushes next to the bus.

Universal reaction from everyone on the bus? "Aww, poor little guy, bet he feels better now.







Sometimes I wish I was a kid and could do that."


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## NightOwlwithowlet (Jun 13, 2009)

My kid, 8 and knows better, peed on a tree in the play ground just last week.
When he first started learning he peed in the bushes in front of the Wall Street Journal building in NYC, the parking lot of the Magic Kingdom, and by the side of road. He once tried to tell me the nursery section of Lowe's was "outside".

Some people are going to criticize how you raise your kids no matter what you do. A distant relative has complained because I am "too lax", "too strict", "easy on the boy", "too hard on him" and my favorite "raising him to have a mind of his own." I can't win with her and never will.


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

My then-almost-5 y.o. peed right in the middle of the street while we were strolling through Colonial Williamsburg.







The backyard is definitely no big deal.

Your actual problem is that you have in-laws who say nasty things about you behind your back.


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

I really should read the whole thread, I hate when people don't and repeat somehting that has already been dealt with but... Why is it okay for a dog to pee in the yard but disgusting when a toddler does?

As a mother of a almost 3 yo boy who is newly toilet learned I'll say congrats on the milestone.









ETA: Two weeks ago dd3 (5 next month) was at a 5K with me. She "dropped trou" behind a tree without telling anyone she had to go so she didn't interrupt my conversation. How's that for polite?


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Purple Cat* 
I'm fairly confident that anyone who hears your in-laws rant about your son's "indiscretion," if you can even call it that, will find the commentary speaks volumes about your in-laws and highlights their weaknesses and shortcomings, not yours or your family's.

Of this whole thread I think this post sums things up the best (only insert correct relative association if needed).


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## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

Is what they do all day talk to their children about not going outside? Haven't they heard the legend of Mannekin Pis of Brussels Belgium? Where the king has lost his son, has the entire kindom looking for him, and when he finds him, he is peeing in the garden. The king is so overjoyed he made a fountain statue of it

here is my similar experience that is not meant in any way to condemn you: My little boy peed at day care once. When the teachers approached me on it, I appologized, then I let them know it does not happen at home. Then I asked, "does another child do it that he has possibly seen?" answer, yes. "and were you short of teachers without back-up, therefore a bit chaotic?" answer yes. All infront of my ds, to be his advocate. I made them see that it was not all me and he.


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## Shahbazin (Aug 3, 2006)

Last summer, when my older DD was just turned 3 & potty learning, we had a lot of discussion about peeing & pooping in our back yard. Her attitude was, "the dog does it, why shouldn't I?" Now she is 4, and no longer tries to imitate our dog.









Your in-laws need to relax!


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

well my 5 year old thought it would be funny to try to pee on the neighbor kids lol thank goodness everyone around here has a good sense of humor
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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