# Looking for guidance



## jas2636 (Feb 23, 2016)

There's a million things to read on sleep and I'm kind of at my wit's end...

Baby girl is 7 months old now and has become dependent on me to sleep, whether this be at nap time or bedtime. I love co-sleeping and have no intentions of ending that anytime soon, but I can't get her to sleep by herself which is stressful not only for me to try and put her down for a nap or for earlier than my bedtime but her grandparents want to be able to take her for longer periods of time, but no one else (not even hubby) can get her to sleep without a huge fight where she'll maybe sleep for 20 minutes.

Any advice?


----------



## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

This is probably not what you want to hear but that all sounds completely normal to me. 

A few questions: does she sleep more than 20mins if you put her to bed?

Are you able to sneak away after she's gone to sleep?

Do *you* want grandparents to take her for longer periods and, if so, how long are we talking?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jas2636 (Feb 23, 2016)

I guess normal is good, if not a little frustrating at times! 

We have two things that happen at nap time or bedtime - Once she's out of my arms (where she's out cold) her eyes will immediately fly open or she'll stay asleep, I'll sneak away, and at most get 20 minutes out of her. A majority of the time, I end up just staying with her so she gets the sleep she needs because if all she does is those 20 minutes, we're up and down all day with one cranky girl.

My biggest concern right now is that I work from home where all my time gets to be at home right now, but I will have to be able to leave her with dad or grandparents come the spring for hours at a time here and there.


----------



## wjey (Jun 4, 2009)

jas2636 said:


> I guess normal is good, if not a little frustrating at times!
> 
> We have two things that happen at nap time or bedtime - Once she's out of my arms (where she's out cold) her eyes will immediately fly open or she'll stay asleep, I'll sneak away, and at most get 20 minutes out of her. A majority of the time, I end up just staying with her so she gets the sleep she needs because if all she does is those 20 minutes, we're up and down all day with one cranky girl.
> 
> My biggest concern right now is that I work from home where all my time gets to be at home right now, but I will have to be able to leave her with dad or grandparents come the spring for hours at a time here and there.


I've had babies like that Some of my own and some that I cared for daily but who were not my own. So if you will need to leave your baby with somebody else, a few different things might happen. She may, after days or weeks, fall into a rhythm with whomever she is with and sleep for them. She may find that somebody else will hold here while she sleeps if they are willing and she may eventually sleep on whomever she is with. She may be completely miserable and refuse to sleep for whomever is caring for her. If you have to acclimate your baby to an alternate sleep situation and she is one of those 20 minute sleepers, your best bet may be to find somebody who is willing to have her sleep on top of them and wear her as much as possible otherwise. That way, she will get some quiet peaceful time and maybe fall asleep for short periods of time while she's being worn. Essential oils might also work well for you. Have you tried any good quality lavender oil on her feet when you want her to sleep? There are many others that might work as well, but I know alot of people for whom the lavender works well. Good luck. Mine started sleeping well when we figured out their food sensitivities, so that might be another avenue to check.


----------



## jas2636 (Feb 23, 2016)

wjey said:


> I've had babies like that Some of my own and some that I cared for daily but who were not my own. So if you will need to leave your baby with somebody else, a few different things might happen. She may, after days or weeks, fall into a rhythm with whomever she is with and sleep for them. She may find that somebody else will hold here while she sleeps if they are willing and she may eventually sleep on whomever she is with. She may be completely miserable and refuse to sleep for whomever is caring for her. If you have to acclimate your baby to an alternate sleep situation and she is one of those 20 minute sleepers, your best bet may be to find somebody who is willing to have her sleep on top of them and wear her as much as possible otherwise. That way, she will get some quiet peaceful time and maybe fall asleep for short periods of time while she's being worn. Essential oils might also work well for you. Have you tried any good quality lavender oil on her feet when you want her to sleep? There are many others that might work as well, but I know alot of people for whom the lavender works well. Good luck. Mine started sleeping well when we figured out their food sensitivities, so that might be another avenue to check.


She used to do well sleeping for others but she had also been going to daycare up until December when I decided to leave my job - So now it's lots of mommy time and it's clearly her preference now. I know daddy is getting frustrated because he can't even help with bedtime because she'll just scream until I take over. :/ So unfortunately, we're still struggling even if someone else is willing to hold her while she sleeps. I've actually started diffusing Lavender and Frankincense in her room, but I should try the lavender on her feet - I had forgotten about that!

I appreciate the input! I know I just need to be thankful she's a wonderful sleeper when she's in bed with me because things could be much worse.


----------



## pulcetti (Sep 29, 2014)

It sounds to me totally normal. I see that the 20 mins asleep then awake it is her rythm at the moment and I see that you need her to sleep longer but she is telling you something different. You could use a sling or carrier and wear your baby for the nap time so you get your work done and she gets what she needs,you. Then I would see where her needs go but I would ask to whom will take care of her to keep going with what you are doing. so if you are wearing her in a carrier for nap time I would ask to keep doing that etc..


----------



## WallaWallaMamma (Dec 14, 2013)

Seven months is very young, and some babies (at least, mine) didn't figure out good sleeping habits until they were much older (18 months). 

My first was a lot like yours, and it made my life very difficult. In the end I just wore her all the time because I'm not much of a napper. When I was unavailable, she didn't sleep as well. And sometimes that is okay. Babies will adapt if they have loving, consistent routines. Adaptation might mean an earlier bedtime at night, or getting up later, or just zoning out on a walk in the stroller with the caregiver. The key is to be flexible and talk with the grandparents about what to try.

And this phase is not a life sentence. My oldest is now the best sleeper in the world. She still naps, sleeps deeply, and goes back to bed promptly if her younger sister wakes up at night. I would not have imagined that at seven months!!!!


----------



## WallaWallaMamma (Dec 14, 2013)

I forgot to mention previously that my second dropped down to one long nap midday at eight or nine months. She would nod off here and there, but would NOT nap except after lunch. I kept trying to force naps on her, because of all the lit on how much sleep is age appropriate, but in the end gave up. She just didn't need as much daytime sleep. We did a lot of quiet activities instead (walking, baths, etc.)


----------



## mamadee17 (May 17, 2015)

My one year old is still in this phase. We co-sleep at night and he still wakes up to eat, but I don't mind that. The naps can be challenging though. He used to do naps in his crib, but recently as soon as his head hits the mattress, he's wide awake. I should also add that he needs to be held, rocked, nursed, or danced to sleep. None of this "lay your baby down when they're tired but awake". If he's awake, it's playtime, he's a busy busy boy. So for nap time, I started making a little nest in the living room with a cozy blanket on the floor and a couple pillows to cradle him. I lay next to him and feed him and after that he naps for hours! I think the constant noise and feeling us around him helps. I don't mind. I can still get things done (except maybe vacuuming). I know it's unconventional, but he peacefully drifts off as opposed to us putting him down 10 times without success. People outside of the attachment/gentle parenting circles stress about sleep habits, location of sleep, sleep independence... but in the big picture does it really matter? You may need to do something outside the box, or like a previous post said use a baby carrier. When I talk to like minded people that would never CIO I hear similar stories. My chiropractor said his daughter didn't sleep well until she was 4. (Not something a sleepy mama wants to hear.) It helps to hear that you're not alone, your child is fine, and I'm happy my baby knows that I'm a source of peace and love. I hope this encourages you! Good luck!


----------

