# She came to me, my spirit child...



## Electra375 (Oct 2, 2002)

My spirit child made herself known to me toward the end of my last pregnancy, yet she became my spirit child many years ago - I just wasn't at a place in my life to accept that I had an early miscarriage (somewhere after 8 weeks before 10 weeks is a safe guess). I have dreamed of a girl child, even had a name for her back those many years ago -- Taylor. It is strange that this would have come into acceptance for me about 9 years later?

It all came about as I was determining when I got pregnant with #3 before meeting with my midwife at 33weeks. I was going over my symptoms and my calendar of my cycles. It occured to me that in 1994, I had the same exact symptoms happen and within the same weeks of the month of July and August. Only in the later part of August 1994, I miscarried making myself think it was a very painful and heavy period and thanking God that my period finally came. As I sat there remembering the days when I thought I might be pregnant in 1994, I also remembered knowing it was a girl. I sat in shock, really, as I made the connections all fit together. I told my husband w/ tears in my eyes.

I'm not sure why I cried, was it the denial I lived in, was it b/c I was relieved to finally admit it. Or was I just saddened that this precious little girl was never meant to be. I cried tears of joy when I knew for sure I wasn't pregnant in 94, I was not married, I was in college and the sperm came from a man who is not the man I married. She truly came before I was ready and there is no reclaiming her in the future. I am saddened by the loss of her spirit, one I will never experience while I live on this earth. And would she have left my womb had I been ready for her? The consequence of pre-marital sex goes even deeper that I could have ever imagined.

I almost miscarried my 3rd in last August of 03. I do not feel they are the same spirit child and I don't think I would feel comfortable from my religious views to even hint that they are the same spirit.

I was very disconnected from myself after the birth of my ds1 and it has been a journey back to self. I do not feel disconnected anymore. The homebirth really connected it all for me, but I have had (up until I started to really work on having it not happen) a pretty contant feeling that I am missing a child when I'm out and about town and keeping track of my kids. I count 3 not 4. This has only occurred since the birth of my daughter. I do not think I am crazy and I surely hope no one reading this thinks I totally wacko.

Sometimes I sense that there is another child running around with my children, it feels like a little girl in a dress about the age of 4. The age is strange b/c it rules out my spirit child (I think). Ds1 and ds2 are 3 1/2 years apart. I do not recall having a miscarriage in that time frame, but it the time frame of the age of this spirit that comes and goes from my presence. Did one of my pregnancies loose a twin maybe?

I have never mentioned this to anyone I know. It really does sound like I'm crazy. If any one were to know if I'm crazy or not, it would be a mother who understands spirit children and there are lots of you here. Someone tell me I'm not crazy, please...

(Regardless, I know I'm totally sane, I just also know I have a deeper sense of what goes on around me than most -- my mother knows things, things that most people don't pick up on, she says it's her gypsy heritage. She knew I was pregnant before I told her each time, the first time she dropped the phone she scared herself. She knows how many messages are waiting for her in her inbox. Her grandmother had the gift too. My sister has it better than I do. -- Now everyone just thinks my entire family is insane...)

Why post now about this? A friend is likely to loose her baby she is carrying, it brought back questions about spirit children and how I might explain their place in our lives. And got me to put into words my own experience with coming to terms with my spirit child and admitting for the first time to anyone (other than dh) that I had a miscarriage. And regardless of whether the pregnancy was at the 'right time', their is still a feeling of loss.


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

Of course you're not insane! My baby boy is still very much with me. I started seeing him before I was even pregnant with him, and then he showed himself to me when I was newly pregnant, and even told me what to name him. I also have a daughter who was a tubal pregnancy. She is with me, too. She has let me know that she only needed the brief pregnancy in order to establish a physical connection with me so that she might better support me.

There was a Mothering article on miscarriage a while back that contained a short piece about spirit babies.

Thanks for sharing your story here.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

First I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. And trust me, children come whether your ready for them or not, so don't think that you lost your baby because you weren't ready. She probably just needed something from you and got it in the short time she spent inside you.
I don't think you are insane at all. There are so many things out there that we can't explain, but just except and experience. I think that it is such a gift that you are open to your spirit child. I know the "knowing things" feeling. My mother, sisters, and I always know who is calling. And often the phone rings as I go to pick it up to call my mother, and there she is saying she just thought she should to call. Then there are the insistent phone calls back and forth, "OK, who is pregnant? I had a baby dream last night." usually before any of us even know we are. I thought this was a "woman" thing until I noticed 2 of my boys exhibiting the same things. I used to be scared about it when I was a child. I hope I can encourage my children to experience this without fear. Have you asked any of your other children about your spirit child? Maybe they too know of her, they may even know more about her than you since she is closer in age to them.


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

i just wanted to add a few thoughts- this has been coming up a lot lately... you know, i never really considered how tricky it is to cope with death when you do not have a religious or spiritual belief system to provide a foundation to the systems of grief and the ceremony surrounding death. i think religion is probably pretty handy to have in your life when death happens- because i don't know where i am in this area of my life, i have been thinking about the spirit of my daughter, coral rose, and am often left wondering what it means that i feel a strong connection to her.
yesterday, when i got to the top of the mountain i was hiking, and sat at the place where i have been sitting to talk to her, the wind started blowing, _hard_. i felt for sure it was coral- touching my face through the wind. it made me so happy







. at night, i sleep with her blankets from the hospital, and pretend to rub her back thru them- i want her spirit to feel my hands and how much i care for her and love her!
on the same hike yesterday, i passed a dead adolescent porcupine- the previous day i saw it alive in the same place. i wondered if the porcupine's spirit was hanging around with my daughter- her spirit was hanging around there, so it would make sense... and then i wondered if this was the case- all creatures, their spirits over the course of time must all be hanging around somewhere- so many! an infinite number- where are they all? do all of the spirits join together to make a 'life source' or the 'universal energy'?
i thought that imagining my daughter playing around with the young porcupine's spirit could sound crazy to anyone who i talked to about it- i decided to try it on my partner, and he didn't know what to say about it. we are both so vague on this topic. the thing is- i _know_ my daughter is with me- i cannot see it any differently. i believe this one thing, at the very least.
the other thing i have been thinking about is this- i can actually envision how coral would be at age 2, 5 10, 15, 22, 35, 45- you get the picture- i can see her as a young woman, as a toddler, even as an elderly woman... i wondered if her spirit was at her own birth (she was stillbirth)- giving me strength to go through the hardest (and best, most blessed) thing i've ever had to do- was she sitting next to me and her father, as a wisened 40 year old woman-spirit? do we imagine spirits with their ages attached? do our babies' spirits stay as babies, do they grow, or is it something beyond this- a spirit is a spirit- it transcends the limitations of life on the earth?
no one has asked me yet how many children i have- but i know what i will say in response- i have one- my daughter. she is not living, but she is _very_ with me- (i don't know how i will actually phrase this). losing her, and mourning her, these things really bite. the one thing i have is my connection to her- this is definative, and it is what helps me get out of bed in the morning.
we aren't crazy!


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Coralsmom-
I completely understand what your saying about not having an actual religion. I have always been a spiritual person, believing in something bigger than what we see, seeing divinity in nature, but never having a clear place to hang my hat or get definite answers never bothered me until I lost Therese. I wonder constantly where she is, and what she is now. Sometimes I feel her near me, and other times I feel like she is just gone







, these are usually during my most depressed moments.
I tell my boys that she is in heaven looking down on them and keeping them safe. My husband is catholic and we say prayers with the boys every night and we include Therese everynight as well. I've explained to them that even though she isn't here with us physically, her spirit will always be there, and she will always be part of our family. But honestly, I wish I could really believe it. Sometime I wonder if maybe she has moved on...reincarnated, maybe. Just not sure.
What I do know, is that she is safe and OK no matter where she is. I hope some day that I will have those answers or get a sign about her.


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## MajaKatrina (Mar 29, 2005)

I 'felt' the big manly arms of my lost boy embrace me last week as i was trying to make it through the depth of despair over losing him-

It made me warm and realize he is looking over me somehow-

Catherine


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## Electra375 (Oct 2, 2002)

If memory serves me correctly, Sylvia Brown speaks of child in spirit all being about age 10 or 12, still child like and innocent. It's been a while since I've heard her, she is sort of matter of fact about this. Of course, this is just what she believes...

Quiet frankly, my view of death and spirits of those who have died are not something I share with others who I go to church with. What my Christian faith teaches and what I believe from my own experiences is not the same. Although there is nothing I have read in the Bible that would say my experiences are evil in nature.

I found out I was pregnant w ds1 and about the same time 2 dearly loved relatives passed here on the east coast and I lived in TX at the time. I felt them w me, I was so overwhelmed I had to leave work.

I saw my 18 mo old ds1 talking to the spirit of my Grandmother hours after her death after her body had been removed from the house. He was sitting on the devan gabbering away facing where she had been in the bed... My mother and I were eating ice cream in the kitchen when my Grandmother passed, neither one of us knew at what moment. My mother knew when she touched the bedroom door though. My sister was visited by my grandmother the day after she died. She sat on her bed to tell her she loved her and good-bye.

And last summer, I smelled the spirit of my Grandfather in my house followed by words in my head "do not worry, I am in heaven" a few hours after he died in another state.

I think there is a deeper level of conscienciousness in some individuals, or maybe the potential is in all of us, just some are more aware than others.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

and







s to you

My youngest came to me years before he was conceived and came to me a month before he was conceived.

So precious. He is with me now, and he has given me reason to continue to live since my DH died.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

I love hearing other's experiences of their spirit babies.

I knew fopr over a year before conceiving my son that there was a 4th soul waiting to join our family. I thougt he would get to live with us though









A few days after his memorial as I was drifting off to sleep I had this sudden image of a little blond boy in my mind...he was kind of fuzzy...and then he sang "Jesus loves me" and his voice was like a bell...and when he was done he said "I love you Mommy" and faded away. I knew God had sent him to comfort me and let him know he loved me.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

OK, I wasn't sure where to post this, but then I remembered this thread. I lost my baby girl 7 weeks ago. When we found out that she was a girl, we told my other children and named her Therese. My middle ds said with typical 4 yr old candor, "Oh, I don't like girls." Suffice it to say we had a good laugh about that. Well, on Mother's Day we planted a lilac in memory of Therese, and told the boys why we were planting it. Well, later that day I saw ds out the kitchen window, kind of kneeling in front of the tree talking. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Talking to Therese." Later that day, he came up to me out of the blue and said, "I changed my mind, mommy. I do like girls."







We have seen him now at least once a day sitting by himself in front of the lilac, named Therese's Tree by my boys, talking. He is an extremely intuitive boy, often noticing things others miss. I also used to "hear things" as a child. I wonder if he is talking to his baby sister, and what he is telling her. I also wonder how to encourage this? What do you think?


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

My spirit child's story is in a book called Soul Trek which is a beautiful book about our journey and our children's journey in this life and the "other" life.

G-d Bless You, Electra375


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

race kelly, I have found that the more I listen in a supportive way, the more my children tell me. My daughter in particular has really started opening up about all that she sees and knows, and it is pretty astounding. She only started sharing after I started encouraging her and supporting her.

Thanks for sharing your tender story.

Applejuice, that book sounds wonderful.


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

I feel what you are saying so much- you aren't crazy- just because what you are experiencing isn't something most understand doesn't mean it isn't very much real

My Grey was a spirit baby too- I knew he wanted to come to me, I felt his energy building around me before I became pregnant and then I went through some of the worst times in my life and I think he left me because he knew what I was going through and he didn't want to make things even harder on me. I miscarried at 8 weeks.

I felt his energy around me constantly and as my life came back together I began to feel him, deep within my soul almost as if he was asking to come back. It didn't make sense logically- I'm still in college, things are hard- but I knew I had to let him back in, felt him wanting to come back. And the first time DH and I didn't use protection, I got pregnant- I KNEW from the start that this was the same precious soul I carried before- I knew he was a boy, my Grey.

The whole experience was so healing for me and affirmed my belief in something larger than what we can see or reason.

This article about spirit babies is beautiful http://www.babycatcher.net/excerpt2.html

oh, remember your spirit baby isn't bound by the same aging laws as we are on earth- maybe she just likes being 4


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