# special gift for c-sec mom?



## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

a friend of my husband's wife just had a baby. i've only met her once, but i sent her a gift through her husband when they announced her pregnancy and i have planned on giving her something else after the baby.

she had her baby over the weekend, a c-section after 4 hours of induced labor after her water broke.







: apparently her ob had been pushing her into a c-section for a while, and kept "offering" the entire time she was in labor.

anyway, i am going to give her a sling and the dr sears baby book and probobly lend her my copy of the womanly art, plus some momma bath type stuff.

is there anything special i can give her? this is her first baby and she is really upset about it. she wanted a natural birth and _really_ wanted to avoid a c-section.


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## kathan12904 (Jun 23, 2006)

The book Birthing From Within has a lot in it about healing yourself from birth trauma and preparing for future births. If she is wanting another child ever, probably the thing that will help her the most is something that will help her realize that this birth doesn't have to be the mold by which all of her others are set. Silent Knife and Open Season are two good books about c/s, although it might be a little early to be focusing on that stuff, it would be good to send along to her eventually. Also, gathering info about the local ICAN chapter for her might be appreciated. I don't know that there was anything that would have made me feel that much better that soon after my c/s, but community and healing are the things that helped me the most in general.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

this is the WRONG TIME to be giving books to her about Birth or Natural Birth or VBAC right now. Its like kicking someone when they are down. I can't believe someone would have suggested it because had someone done this to me after my unwanted first csection (after much wanting a natural vaginal birth) I would have gone off on them or thought they were as insensitive as it gets. I also wouldnt want ICAN thrown up at me either. There is plenty of time in the future (distant) for those kinds of things.

Right now, lend an ear! and just listen (dont offer opinion) Meals will be nice, gift certificates to a local eatery for take out, a gift certificate for a pedicure, offering to do laundry for her, or take her to a movie (if baby is nursing this should be a peice of cake). Say you will come clean up her house for her one day, things like vacuum and mop, or clean the bathrooms -- or pay a service to come in and do this for her. a Gift certificate for a massage is always nice too.


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## Spring Sun (Jul 30, 2005)

How about something practical like a Boppie that will help her when she is recovering? Also, as a side note, you could congratulate her on her "cesearean birth" instead of her c-section. The distinction is very important.


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## angel1895 (Nov 9, 2006)

I would have DIED if someone had paid a service to come clean my house after having ds.. I was a planned csec not too terribly unwanted... you must be a really good friend









that would have been so cool

mbhf.. I say, do that!!!


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## kristenok18 (Jun 26, 2006)

When my beautiful homebirth turned into a trip to the hospital and a c-section, I was pretty devastated. When I got home, the things that helped me SO much were people that brought over meals that were either already prepared or required little prep on my part. It was hard to do things except sit and hold my baby, so if you feel comfortable, offer to come in and do laundry or clean or take their dog for a walk, or even come and cook. Just being there to help fetch a glass of water and encourage her to rest and hold her baby would be helpful. A nursing pillow is so helpful, both for nursing and just holding the baby. It keeps the pressure off the incision. Don't bring up natural birth or anything, let her talk if she wants to. I wasn't ready for a long long time, and I was grateful that people respected that.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

#1 useful item after my c-section: A back scratcher! So many places I itched, so hard to reach them.

Help cleaning house and with meals would also have been awesome.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

P.S. I second NOT giving her natural birthing books. I couldn't look at Birthing From Within without wanting to cry for months after my c-section.


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

I still get really pissed off when I think about my C section. But then I told the doctor on the way in to make sure to double layer the sutures when closing me up so I would have a better chance of a VBAC, so no, it's not necessarily too soon to think about VBAC, but OTOH, when you have a new baby the next one is usually the LAST thing you have on your mind! So, what would be good? You're already giving her a sling, which was a lifesaver for me w/ nursing. Pillows are good, too, but I dont' think a boppy would have been my friend (though can't say for sure, i never used one, just lots of regular pillows and, mostly, the sling).

Really, a sling is perfect. Hands on help in how to use it would be good, too.


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## annekevdbroek (Jun 5, 2005)

I third not giving a natural birth book, the silent knife, ICAN information, or saying "congratulations on your c/s birth." I had an unplanned c/s after a lengthy failed induction and would have been incredibly hurt if someone gave me those books or emphasized "c/s" when mentioning my baby/birth.

Just lend an ear - saying "congrats on your new baby."


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## oregongirlie (Mar 14, 2006)

I had a c-s in November and FOOD was the best gift of all. People who brought us food and left within 30 minutes were the best. After a c-s, you get first a liquid, then a soft, then a normal diet in the hospital. That leaves you ravenous for days. I was so hungry from that and the nursing, but still couldn't do anything about it. Food, food, food. You help the new mother feed her baby that way, too. It's amazing.

Also, some people are happy with their c-sections and are annoyed by any postpartum birth activism or sympathy. Me, for example. I loved my son's birth.


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## intorainbowz (Aug 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oregongirlie* 
Also, some people are happy with their c-sections and are annoyed by any postpartum birth activism or sympathy. Me, for example. I loved my son's birth.

I also recommend against any c/s Birthing from Within, ICAN stuff, UNLESS she asks. I have a lady at church who keeps annoying me about a VBAC and will not leave the issue alone. I'm at peace with her birth and pregnancy, it is the NICU I struggle with. That said, I'd really not like for some one to congratulate me on my cesarian birth, rather just congratulate me on my baby.

Lotion would be nice. My skin was EXTREMELY dry after, but maybe that is just me. Food would be a life saver. A neighbor brought over a very simple meal, but home made. It was heavenly.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

Nothing about vbacs or c-sec etc. I would offer to do her laundry or hire a maid for a day, something like that.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I agree with food. A distant relative brought over dinner for us one night, and omg, it was heavenly! I hadn't seen her since our wedding, 5 years earlier, but I was thrilled to see it!!


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## wombatclay (Sep 4, 2005)

Food...or, since you said you don't know her very well, a gift certificate or two for a local place that delivers so she can choose her own menu!

I agree that it may be too soon for books that discuss birth....the Dr. Sears Baby Book is wonderful since it focuses on the babe (and eventually toddler) and that's info ANY mama can use.

One thing I was really shocked at after my c/s was how little info I was given on caring for myself. Perhaps print out a "how to" page on scar massage and include it with a bottle of yummy massage oil or a rich moisturizer? I loved the "healing oil" Badger Balm myself, but there are lots of great choices out there. (The scar massage, regardless of her future birth plans, is a good thing to do since it helps prevent the formation of adhesions and helps break up those that have already formed...just about every other surgery get's you a handout on scar massage, but for some reason OB/GYNs just don't seem to know anything about it!).

A sling is also a wonderful gift, though in my case the only baby carrier I could use for the first few months was my Wrap (ultimate baby wrap in this case). My slings "bounced" right against my incision and my ab muscles we SO sore, I just couldn't use them. The wrap felt more secure for me as a first time mom and it "wrapped" my ab area, keeping the weight more even and preventing anything from bumping my lower belly. So if you haven't purchased a sling yet that might be something to consider...

But it sounds like you're being a wonderful new friend...I would have loved that sort of gift basket from a close friend, I would have been blown over to receive it from a new one!


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## ericswifey27 (Feb 12, 2005)

You are being a good friend.

I think it might be too early for birth books too. I remember how devasted and depressed I was after my son was born. I wanted a natural birth and ended up with a cascade of interventions ending in csection. I was actually in denial, I think. So she may not be ready for them yet. Why not tell her if she wants to borrow any books that you know have helped others heal emotionally after a csec , you would be happy to lend them to her. That way if she is ready she can let you know.


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## steffanie3 (Mar 17, 2002)

I agree with food. We also had meals this week from people from our church, we didn't know how much we would appreciate them when they told us they were going to do it for us, WOW. It was amazing, my DH couldn't take a lot of time off work so he was working what he could and then coming home and taking care of all of us. He was so blessed by one less thing to do, we all were. I would agree with homemade food or a local place her DH could swing into. Even a nice fruit basket or some homemade cookies or breads or something would be great so she could grab an easy snack. I was/am starving too







Some teas might be nice in a gift basket with pamper items. Hmmm, this is a great post for mamas who haven't been there and have friends who have







What a great friend you are being, especially since you don't know her all that well, that is really supportive and caring.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

You're nice to think of some way to help your friend. I wish more people thought of helping me but most were focused on DD. After my c-section, I would have appreciated someone coming to the house and cleaning it up, cooking, doing laundry, running errands, taking the dog for walks, etc. Gift certificates to restaurants, a maid for a day, a garden service for a day, food baskets, comfortable pillows and good books would have been appreciated. In short, I needed help with ordinary things that I couldn't yet do since I had to take it easy.

The sling is good. She can use it when she is strong enough. I love _The Baby Book_ by Dr. Sears. We refer to it a lot.

I'm beating a dead horse here but pls don't give any books on vaginal births/VBAC/ICAN/ etc now. There's plenty of time for it down the road assuming she wants another child. If someone had given me such a book after my c-section, I would not have been horrified. I was already processing so much and my emotions were in such an upheavel. I didn't needed the added burden of planning my next birth.


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## steffanie3 (Mar 17, 2002)

I got to thinking, not sure what others would say, but I think I wouldn't have minded a mention about the ICAN website. That is the first thing I did after my first section when I could sit at the computer, I went looking for support. I didn't know where to look and just searched until I found ICAN and the email list. I didn't post anything there beside a brief intro, but just reading others feeling the same way I did really helped. So I was thinking maybe a little mention nicely worded in a card about the website, not that I was planning my next birth but I wanted to grieve with people who knew where I was coming from.


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## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

thanks ladies! i will keep your suggestions in mind. i'm going to put her stuff together and send it over this weekend.

oh, and when i said the womanly art, i meant the womanly art of breastfeeding. i always abbreviate it in my head and i guess i just forgot to add in the rest of it when i typed this up.


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