# My sister is got angry with me and called CPS



## Leigh Woods (Apr 14, 2011)

My sister got really angry at me and called CPS and told them I was addicted to pain pills, the thing is I have sacro illiac Joint Dysfunction. I also have three hemangeomas on my spine two smaller ones and one large one, which no matter what they say hurts really bad. Also had a wreck when I was 16 and on top of the sacro-illiac Joint Dysfunction it hurt my hip worse than it was and made my sciatic nerve have chronic problems. So now my leg is one inch shorter than the other, my hip is in constant pain, I have to wear diapers and walk with a cane. She said I was addicted to pain pills because my physician prescribes them to me. She doesn't agree with me taking pain medicine on a long term basis and says i can deal with it. I am a good mother and if I didn't have the medicine I took daily then I wouldn't be as functional as I am. She is a very awful person doesn't care that she is hurting my kids, she just told me that she wanted to make my life miserable for the next six months. Can they take them away for pain medicines that i'm not only prescribed but the doctor says I need to make my life livable?


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

I'm forry you're going through this. I think you may want to post this in health and healing or maybe parenting. Relax, make sure your house is tidy and there is food in the pantry and every child has a bed. Depending on your area they may make your life hell or they may not even come. If you have any documentation your sister is being spiteful (texts, emails, etc.) certainly save them but try to be calm and let her be the crazy one.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

If a sibling did that to me I would cut them out of our lives FOREVER. CPS can investigate,and they could do it long term to ensure your pill use does not affect the care you provide for your children. They can not take away the meds,but they might encourage your doctor to decrease the amount,and make you learn to tolerate it via other means( therapy and mind exercises).

How sucky of her.Seriously. IMO, if a person is in so much pain that they need to take pain pills to be able to tolerate each day then so be it. The alternative is a person crying out in pain daily,and loved ones telling them to *suck it up*. I think I would not want to live if I had to live that way!

I dealt with CPS following a homebirth. I showed them what they wanted to see,and the case was closed.Some people prefer not to allow CPS in the door. You will have to make that call. Best wishes!


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

I am so sorry you are going through this! If I were you, I would get your ducks in a row. Call your doctor and get a detailed letter explaining your care and the medication you are on. Then I would find a very good attorney who deals with CPS regularly. They probably won't make a big deal about it, but it's very important to have legal counsel just in case. Remember that you have the right to refuse entry to a CPS worker if they don't have a warrant. If you choose to waive your rights, make sure you video tape them when they are in your house. Anything you say can be used against you, so it's best to keep your mouth shut. Try to answer with a yes or a no. If they ask about your medical condition, hand them the letter from your doctor. They will probably leave you alone, honestly, but it's best to be prepared. Good luck!


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Definitely cut that person out of your life forever. My mother did it to me and I declared war on her, seriously. Calling CPS on someone without good reason is the lowest of low things to do to someone, and guaranteed if she will do it to you once, she will do it again.

I've become the master of documentation and I would suggest you do the same.

If they actually show up, say "Oh, I've been expecting you, my sister has mental health issues (or whatever the case) and I kind of figured this would happen one day. Just wait here on the porch while I grab the information you're probably looking for." And then give them all your medical documentation and let them review it outside. Video tape everything (I did it on my cell phone and then saved the recordings to my computer.)

From my personal experience with CPS, they can't ask to see inside your house unless the call mentioned something specific about the living conditions. In my case, the call had multiple complaints and one was that my children were sleeping next to open, dangling electrical wires.







So I had to eventually let the worker in, but I set an appt for another day, and videotaped her agreeing to it, in case she recanted later and claimed that I "refused access." Oh but I had to let her see my children, outside the home, the first time she came, so that she could see that they were ok and properly cared for.

the only other thing I can think of that might be an issue is where you store your medications. The CPS worker touched on that when she toured our house (although all we had was vitamins at the time) so if you are on strong narcotic type stuff maybe you could buy a safe and start keeping them in there, at least until the CPS thing blows over? Just to make it blatantly clear that your kids are not at risk of accidental poisoning.

If it makes you feel better, in the end CPS closed the whole case and notated in my file that my mother is looney tunes and to disregard future calls from her or anyone in her household. I no longer allow her, my father or any of her close friends (who were like surrogate aunts/uncles to my kids) around my family. We moved and didn't give her our address, we notated ds' school file that he was only to be picked up by me and DP and put her name on the "no contact/no pickup" list there. I went WAYYY overboard to make sure she never, ever gets near my kids again. I hope it works out for you too!


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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

I agree with pretty much all the advice you've already gotten, and I work for CPS. I would just add though that the main thing is for you to remain calm if they contact you. Only thing I disagree with above is the idea of, if they show up, just going and handing them everything before they've told you exactly what the allegations are.

All this advice you should definitely do: make sure your house is basically clean and organized (messy is fine; actually dirty/unsanitary is not); make sure each kid has a bed, meds are totally out of reach of the kids, food in the fridge/shelves, and that your meds don't make you hard to understand (if you seem slurred or under the influence at all when on them, you DEFINITELY need a doc's note explaining what you're on, the effects, and the fact that they don't actually hamper your decisionmaking (hopefully that is true).)

If you have all that done and ready, then if they do show up, be calm, be nice, tell them that you're aware your sister called (and you can throw in the mental illness thing if it's true), but then let them tell you why they're there, what the allegations are (what your sister told them about you), and then present them with any helpful info about what they say.

I say all this because it has happened that what the reporter tells the parent they reported on, and what they actually said to CPS, are not always the same thing, and you want to make sure you aren't addressing a bunch of stuff that actually CPS doesn't see as issues - yet. Listen to what they say, show them/tell them whatever will help them understand your situation, yes definitely have documentation about your meds and condition ready, and then when you've given them what they have, make sure they don't leave without you asking if they have any remaining concerns.

No matter what happens, I agree with everyone that you should probably cut your sister off for awhile. And yes, any proof you have (texts, emails, msgs) that she's purposefully trying to mess with you, definitely offer that too.

Good luck, so awful that on top of being a parent with that many medical issues, you've also got a mean sister to deal with. Hope you find peace and distance from this drama.


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## ericawebdev (Apr 20, 2011)




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## LROM (Sep 10, 2008)

ericawebdev, with all due respect, what you are saying is not totally accurate. The issue is not only whether the drugs she uses are illegal or totally legal/prescribed by licensed doc. The issue is, even if they are totally legal, prescription drugs that she can document her medical need for, if she is the sole caregiver to her children at any regular point during a week (especially if it's most of the time) and the drugs make her unable to appropriately supervise her kids, that is a legit complaint to CPS. You kinda say that at the end of your post that her ability to parent matters, but since OP hasn't said what the impact on her (other than pain relief) is, it's important that she understand that if the drugs DO impact her ability to parent, even if they're legitimately prescribed, CPS may still have concerns.

CPS has (fortunately) come a long way nationally in that as a series of agencies, we've figured out that the main issue is whether someone can care for their kids, not what issue/situation is in their lives that maybe an individual's values don't agree with.

So a parent who drinks alcohol.. alcohol is legal for adults. But does the parent drink to the point of passing out, so their infant or toddler is not supervised, or their 5 yr old isn't supervised? Are the kids fed, will the parent know if they leave the house and walk into the street?

It's no longer as simple as "oh, those are legal drugs, you're fine". There is a legitimate issue even if the drugs are legal where the effect is that the parent can't adequately provide for their kids' needs and safety.

OP, if the drugs do affect your ability to parent, it still doesn't automatically mean CPS will take your kids or anything else extreme. The next question would be how and when do the drugs affect your ability to parent, and what options are there to lessen/eliminate the negative effects. CPS would almost always rather find a workaround/solution instead of taking kids. We really, really, really would rather not disrupt the family, and despite the bad rep CPS has, most offices only take kids when it really feels like safety is that big a concern or there are no solutions to the problems. The number of unnecessary removals are so so tiny compared to the serious stuff that happens in families, but those unecessary ones are horrible and get a ton of attention. As they should, since a family should never be unnecessarily torn apart.


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

If there is any sort of an organization or group in your area which advocates for people with disabilities, you might contact them for potential assistance.


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## K1329 (Apr 6, 2009)

Please keep us posted, I'm curious if your pain management is an issue for CPS.
If it becomes an issue, your dr. may also advocate for you - I am in a pain management program and know that my dr. is always checking for basic functionality, and, suspect yours does too.
Pain management has allowed me to successfully parent & hold down a professional level part time job. I just can't imagine it being a problem.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## beenmum (Nov 29, 2010)

My Ex did the same. I have a degernative connective tissue syndrome.

CAS got the rx from my doctor along with a note outlining my condition and that i was taking the correct dosage.

They wont take your kids for taking care of yourself.

Do your kids do any afterschool ativities? Do you take them to a play group regularily? Or voluenteer at their school?

CAS just wants to know that you can still physical and emotionally parent your kids. That you are an involved parent dispite the medication.


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## Coco_Hikes (Nov 26, 2006)

Sending you big hugs. I had a related problem with my back for two years, about two summers ago, and the pain was unbearable. I was on prescription medicine for it during that time--it was the only thing that helped me be a functional mother even though I hated relying on it. I wonder if people who have never experienced that kind of pain can ever understand the toll it takes on your life. That your sister would try to cause trouble for you on top of the pain you are already in is just awful. You've gotten some good advice from PPs and I hope this all blows over for you. Be well!


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## ericawebdev (Apr 20, 2011)




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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ericawebdev*
> If I were you I might consider calling the police and making a formal complaint about your sister's call to CPS. A friend of mine did so and the police went and spoke with the troublemaker about how it was inappropriate to call children's services out of spite and without cause.


Exactly.

It takes time and effort away from the families that CPS intervention is warranted. Then that child is killed and people wonder: "where was CPS? why didn't they get involved? why wasn't that child removed from that situation?" Because they were so busy with "spite calls", they don't have time to handle the cases that need them.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Not to mention, if a family does need a bit of help, (e.g. respite care, some meals made, a hand with cleaning) the first line for that kind of thing should be family in the area.

So even if there was a valid reason for a CPS call, your sister would still be a bad person for making the call because she should've been working with you to avert the need to waste CPS's time.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I think that if a doctor prescribes the medicine, that should be enough for CPS. If you were out on street corners selling your kids video games to buy drugs, that'd be different.

I think what your sister did was wrong. But, if she were telling us HER story instead of yours, I bet most people would say "oh, thats terrible, you should call CPS those kids need to be protected". So, before assuming she's just being awful, consider the possibility that she's really trying to help, and has no other ideas. She might truly think you are abusing drugs. She's never felt this kind of pain, so she thinks you could just take a hot bath with epsom salts, and that should take care of it.

You can't vent to anyone these days without getting the "call CPS" advice from well meaning people who think CPS is the answer to all problems.

One day, your sister will be in pain. And, then she'll understand what pain is really like. You might need to remind her about what she did, but she'll understand someday. Please don't cut her out of your life.


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## beenmum (Nov 29, 2010)

I agree. I have seen CAS do some wonderful things for families in this area. Including giving them access to housing, respite care and sponsers for Christmas, Birthdays etc for low income families. CAS respects families who dont know it all but are willing to learn what they need to know to be successful.

We did out foster parent training through them and was very impressed with how they treated the families whom had kids in care.

However that doesnt mean they are perfect. No one is.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ericawebdev*
> 
> Thanks for the detailed clarification LROM. It's nice to see a reasonable public response from the CPS side, as our experiences with CAS here have been completely positive and I am often dismayed that people only see the bad stories and don't realize the extent of good done. It's too bad the story tends to be "I'm going to tattle to CPS on you" and not on the hard work that's done to keep the family together and provide services to families who may just need a bit of help.
> 
> (we are adopting my nephew through CAS and I am on prescribed treatment that has been confirmed by a licensed Dr for CAS's purposes)


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## LadybugMamma (Apr 26, 2011)

My brothers gf was talking to a cps rep when she made a visit to our house about her ex husbands drinking around her daughter. The rep states that it doesn't even matter if it's legal or not, if the kids are cared for, that's all cps cares about. So as long as the crack pipe is out of kids reach and they are fed clothed and not hurt, there isn't anything cps would do.

That might just be the case at her department, I don't know what it may be like where you are. Lots of perfectly capable, good parents take medications for lots of reasons.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nextcommercial*
> 
> I think that if a doctor prescribes the medicine, that should be enough for CPS. If you were out on street corners selling your kids video games to buy drugs, that'd be different.
> 
> ...


None of that really matters, though, because if she really did think there was a problem, then the appropriate thing to do would have been to TALK
TO HER about it. Not to run around makig bogus calls to CPS, wastig their time and creating drama. Most of the people who post here about CPS absoutely agonize about it, and have already tried to help numerous times in numerous ways, before taking that route, because they know the damage that can be done from even a closed case.

She SHOULD be cutting people out of her life who are threatening to come between her and her kids. If this was a friend who was going around badmouthing her to her other friends, people would tell her to choose her children over this person who clearly has no respect for her as a parent. This is really no different. If she doesn't get the result she wants fropm this call, then she will continue to call and make more trouble. It's not a misuderstanding, and it won't stop....Fool me once, shame on you, but I'll be damned if you fool ME twice.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy*
> 
> Most of the people who post here about CPS absoutely agonize about it, and have already tried to help numerous times in numerous ways, before taking that route, because they know the damage that can be done from even a closed case.


The posters who discuss calling CPS agonize over it. It's the people giving advice that think nothing of saying "Call CPS". I've seen posts where someone just THINKS something is off, but can't quite explain why, and she'll get "Call CPS" answers about half the time. Or a poster will say "I see the neighbor kids outside alone about three times a week" and people's answer is "Call CPS".

If I came on here and said "I think my sister is a drug addict, and she's not caring for the kids properly". (even if it's not true, it's what I THINK is true) I will get several "Call CPS" comments, and several "Have you tried to talk to her?" comments. "I of course talked about her to my mom, and to my other sister and they see the problems too, but they don't want to rock the boat". So, eventually, I can be talked into calling CPS for the safety of those kids.

And, yes, it's a complete overreaction, but if I for some reason can't think for myself, I could be talked into "doing the right thing". Especially if I were on the dramatic side, or very young.

So, my point is, if the sister were telling us HER story instead, we'd all think the kids were in danger.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy*
> 
> None of that really matters, though, because if she really did think there was a problem, then the appropriate thing to do would have been to TALK
> TO HER about it. Not to run around makig bogus calls to CPS, wastig their time and creating drama. Most of the people who post here about CPS absoutely agonize about it, and have already tried to help numerous times in numerous ways, before taking that route, because they know the damage that can be done from even a closed case.
> ...


Damn straight.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nextcommercial*
> 
> The posters who discuss calling CPS agonize over it. It's the people giving advice that think nothing of saying "Call CPS". I've seen posts where someone just THINKS something is off, but can't quite explain why, and she'll get "Call CPS" answers about half the time. Or a poster will say "I see the neighbor kids outside alone about three times a week" and people's answer is "Call CPS".
> 
> ...


If someone lies about a situation and then gets advice based on the lie that isn't actually what should happen in their real situation it is the fault of the liar not the fault of the people who gave advice.

The truthful way for the sister to present the situation would be "my sister has a prescription for pain medication. I think she's using it too much and it's hurting her ability to watch her kids properly. Should I call CPS?"

Also, some people can talk to their neighbors directly and others can't. How people end up needing to handle things with strangers has no bearing on how people should deal with their own families.


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