# My husband needed something to hold too...



## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

This afternoon my gentle husband came home for an extended lunch break because he wanted to be able to take a walk with me in the wooded area near our home before the new onslaught of mosquitoes started their feeding frenzy in the cool of the day. As we were walking, we came apon a tiny baby deer leg. Just the leg. It was clearly the leg of a newborn deer...perfect and delicate. My husband picked it up with tears in his eyes...and he looked at me. "This is like our baby to me. I need to keep it."
I nodded at him, and told him I understood why he felt that way. We kept walking for several minutes when we came to a dip in the path, and when we looked down the side of the hill, somewhat hidden...was a second baby deer leg. My husband started openly crying...ran down the hill and said "There he is...it's like our twin. hidden...in the distance. but he was there. I never got to hold him...I can never hold my babies again..I can never play with them like I do their brothers...I need these...I need these to hold. I will keep them, and hold them...they are so soft and fragile...like my babies." He held me so tight and we cried about the boys we can never hold.

I know it sounds morbid...but I understood my husbands need for those tiny deer legs. They mean something to him. He needs something to hold. He lost his boys..his twin boys...Simon and Alexander. He see's those baby deer legs as a gift from spirit, a way to hold onto something he lost. Not morbid. Beautiful. sad....and beautiful. Nature is not always kind. But whatever else it may be...it is real.


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

It is nice that your husband can express his feelings of loss to you and the you are so understanding to one another. Dads can be forgotten sometimes when a babies die and everyone focuses on mom and forgets that he too has lost his child(ren). I am so sorry for the loss of your boys.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

My DH had to deal with a very strong nurturing instinct after our son died. He needed to care for and nurture something - I was able to garden a little and he would spend hours researching online and dreaming of the type of car he would rebuild if we had the funds. I didn't see it on my own - he articulated it to me that was the reason he was so obsessed with it for a few months. I never knew until he explained it.

There are so many aspects to the loss of a child. I'm glad your husband found something to release his feelings.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

that is very nice that your husband is able to express himself, i agree. i don't think my husband would be able to articulate something like that to me.

and gosh, nothing is morbid to me anymore. the last time i held matthew, i wiped his nose because he had a little bit of fluid drip out of his nose from being moved around while we held him. anyway, instead of throwing those tissues away, i kept them... and i bury my nose in them because i can *smell* him still. i could never tell anyone that in real life. so, i don't think what your hubby did is morbid at all.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

That made me







. So beautiful. I do think it was a gift, and for your husband to recognize and connect with the gift is just wonderful-- and to be able to share it with you is powerful.

I am so, so, so, so sorry for your loss. You, your husband, and your twin boys are in my thoughts and heart.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
that is very nice that your husband is able to express himself, i agree. i don't think my husband would be able to articulate something like that to me.

and gosh, nothing is morbid to me anymore. the last time i held matthew, i wiped his nose because he had a little bit of fluid drip out of his nose from being moved around while we held him. anyway, instead of throwing those tissues away, i kept them... and i bury my nose in them because i can *smell* him still. i could never tell anyone that in real life. so, i don't think what your hubby did is morbid at all.

I did the same thing. There is just no such thing as "morbid" anymore to me.

I'm so glad your hubbie has something tangible to hold.







:


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## InstinctiveMom (Jul 12, 2004)

Oh mama...
I don't think it's morbid at all. I think it's lovely that he was able to let those feelings and words out - that he could express himself to you.

I am so sorry for the loss of your Simon & Alexander.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

Thanks for understanding...I am starting to think that it's almost been harder for my husband to go through all of this! He's had to take care of me, the five boys, work, promote his book "Being Ourself" which was released during all of this hell, put up with all of the phone calls, put his mother in her place time and time again (seriously...she just doesn't GET anything!!!), organise our life, the cooking, cleaning, the pets, the bills....and be my super star rock that I cry on every day...he's had to be MY therapist, energy worker, massuse, best friend.....and he had to stand by while I almost bled to death...when has he had a moment to feel the pain of the situation??? He's found a lot of spiritual light and hope and even wonder/joy...

he is curing the baby deer legs outside....and he's been crying more with me. I am understanding that he didn't have any time to be weak, because he needed to be strong for everyone else. My dear sweet man....He's so gentle and supportive of others...so jolly and full of wisdom and love.

I'm glad he is being given opportunities to feel the pain of it now...it shows me that he feels I am doing better...that he can cry, and know I can support him now too.

wishing we didn't have to bend under this life storm....wishing we could have a break from the crashing winds...there has to be a rainbow someday!!!

a rainbow....


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am just so sorry for you both.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

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grateful for the warmth I find here..truley.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

How interesting that he found two.. poor little deer, but what a meaningful message for your family.


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