# How to discipline 10 month old with temper tantrums



## nanna2009

My 10 month old has started to have temper tantrums. If I prevent her from doing something I don't want her to do, she sits and screams and cries and as soon as my back is turned, she does the same thing again. We go through this ritual over and over until she gets distracted by something else. She also seems to have a little temper. The other day while playing with her toy, she tried to move an attachment which could not be taken off. This frustrated her and after she realized that she was not getting anywhere with crying and screaming, she began to hit it....

Help!!! I need advice! I don't want her to be a brat. I generally talk to her and move her from the environment but I don't know how much she understands at 10 mts. Any advice??


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## jjawm

She doesn't need discipline. She's doing what she needs to do. She's still a baby, and doesn't have a way to communicate her frustrations. Tantrums are normal.

At 10 months, she needs to know that you can handle her emotions, because they're scary for her. She needs you to be a calm mommy when she can't be calm.

Now, if she screams for a cookie after you've said no, and you give her one to keep her quiet, you're teaching her that she gets what she wants by screaming. Not good. So she screams and you comfort her, understanding that it's hard to not get what you want when you're 10 months old. You stay calm, you distract her, you find out what she needs and try to meet those needs.


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## earthmama369

All very developmentally normal. She's got a drive to *do* now and object permanence, so she remembers that object that you just told her not to touch. However, "no" is still a pretty abstract concept.

"Yes" and distraction are excellent tools at this stage of the game. Create as much of a yes environment as you can, i.e., instead of saying "No, don't touch that," you could say, "Ouch! Finger in light socket is ouch! Here, take this toy instead." You'll probably have to physically remove her or the forbidden object as part of the distraction technique, in addition to giving her something she CAN play with.

Some babies are more distractable than others. It doesn't mean you're raising a brat if she hangs on to that one thing she really wanted to be doing. It does mean that she's got focus and a good memory -- not bad traits for a person to have -- and you may have to be a little more inventive about creating a yes environment for her. It's well worth it, even though it definitely costs Mama more energy. (Speaking from the trenches, here.







)


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## mrsshunk

My middle boy started doing very much the same thing at around 10 mos. He was very persistent about certain things that I just couldn't let him do. Repeat yourself, repeat yourself, repeat yourself be consistent and persistent. Don't set her up for failure, remove possible triggers for her tantrums and try to redirect her attention if you see one brewing. Don't let her distress get you upset, remain as calm as you can. And don't worry too much, she's very young and will most likely move on to a new phase fairly soon. Discipline is not terribly realistic or effective at such a young age. Save it for when she is a little older.


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## MacKinnon

Instead of seeing it as willful disobediance, try looking at it as her learning to communicate! It's all she has now. She can't explain to you that that thing looks cool, or that she really wants to chew on something hard, or that her teeth hurt. But she can get frustrated and cry, she's learning to communicate her needs. You don't discipline a baby, but they don't spoil either! You baby proof everything you can, and try to distract and redirect. I always talked through it with my kids. "You really want to chew on that! That's not safe, it could hurt you. Let's chew on this instead (hand her chewy)." This is your chance to help her learn to express herself and her needs. She's doing great! No discipline needed!


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## syd'smom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ilovemyavery* 
Instead of seeing it as willful disobediance, try looking at it as her learning to communicate! It's all she has now. She can't explain to you that that thing looks cool, or that she really wants to chew on something hard, or that her teeth hurt. But she can get frustrated and cry, she's learning to communicate her needs. You don't discipline a baby, but they don't spoil either! You baby proof everything you can, and try to distract and redirect. I always talked through it with my kids. "You really want to chew on that! That's not safe, it could hurt you. Let's chew on this instead (hand her chewy)." This is your chance to help her learn to express herself and her needs. She's doing great! No discipline needed!

What a great post!


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## COVegMom

I think you answered your own question! Distraction!

If she is interested in something that is not appropriate to play with, distract her with something similar (i.e. cell phone--play phone, laptop--busy box with buttons to push, remote control--an old one without batteries, etc.). Or remove either her or the objects from the room. You can't expect her at this age to take "no" for an answer and just move on by herself. She needs to be redirected to a more suitable activity. And saving the stern "no" or "stop" or whatever for things that are really dangerous will pay off in the long run.

Her behavior sounds very appropriate for her age, not a sign of brattiness to come. I know it is always a challenge when a new stage of development starts and you have to learn a whole new set of skills. And as soon as you get it figured out, everything change again.


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## paquerette

when she's 25, you'll be glad she's someone who keeps trying to do something difficult that she perceives as worthy.









http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/rue_kream3.html


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## LianneM

One of our FAQs is about tantrums - you might check it out here


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