# Husband steps out when toddler in tub



## BlueSkyDay (Mar 10, 2011)

I need some perspective from other families. My husband gives our 20-month old son his bath every night and does a great job. But typically he'll leave the bathroom once or twice, probably for only 30 seconds at most, to take his diaper out, get pajamas that he'd forgotten, etc. They're little things that really don't need doing immediately or that my husband could just call out to me and I'd happily get for him. But it drives me crazy. Our house is small and my husband genuinely isn't gone for very long, and my son is very well behaved in the bath tub - sits quietly playing. But it doesn't take long for a toddler to get in trouble in the bath. I just need to figure out if this is a battle worth fighting. Do you ever step out of the bathroom with a toddler in the tub?


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

At 20 months, it is worth fighting. A toddler can drown in a very short space of time and do it silently too. There is also the risk that said toddler could crank up the hot water, or try to stand up and slip. I think you need to sit down with your DH and really discuss what the risks are of leaving a 20 month old in the tub alone even for a short period of time.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I stepped out when DD1 was this age, only into her bedroom (the door was at 90 degrees to the bathroom door), or to get a towel (from the cupboard the door of which was also 90degrees to the bathroom door, on the opposite wall) and i was never longer than 30seconds or more than 4yards from her (due to the smallness of the apartment). She would always be making a lot of noise and splash so i knew she was fine. I was a single mama, so on the one hand there was no-one to do these things if i didn't, but on the other hand i was single from when she was 4months old and i never did it before she was able to sit steadily in the tub and i know plenty of single moms who NEVER do it, so it's down to personal comfort zones.

My XP would never have done so, and when he bathed her he forgot everything and i spent the entire time going back and forth sorting out every aspect of bath time that wasn't physically putting the child in the bath (i.e. fetching her bodywash, towel, PJ's, putting the heater in her room on, getting a night nappy assembled, finding her nappy cream, filling her cup with water, etc. etc.).

Have you talked to your husband? Do you often find fault with the way he does stuff or is it just this one thing (if it's a lot he might be zoning out and not realising this is actually a really big issue for you). You could try hovering around when he's bathing and whenever he stands up saying "what do you need, i'll get it!" or alternatively sitting with your son while he is off getting whatever-it-is.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

I would not leave a 20-mo unattended.

DS is 27mos and DH does bath time & is always in the room or even in the bath with him -- the furthest he'll go is around the corner (L-shaped bathroom) to grab a new towel or whatever from the closet, which takes all of 5 seconds. He used to be a little more laid-back and I'd always be hovering just in case DH tried to randomly take off for a minute, but we've discussed it at length and he understands it's important to me that he stay in the room (and has come to agree with me on that too!)


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## YayJennie (Aug 7, 2008)

I do leave my 25 month old unattended in the bath because I have to get his 5 month old sister out and dried off. I never leave for more than 30 seconds or so and am always within a few feet of him in the next room (I'm alone at night for bath time and it's way too hard to give them separate baths, so I do it at the same time). So yes, I do leave my toddler unattended, but I wouldn't if it wasn't necessary and it does make me a little uncomfortable. It is just too easy for them to turn on the hot water or slip in the tub. I don't really worry about drowning, because I'm not gone long enough for that to happen, but it does worry me that he could fall and I wouldn't be right there to grab him up out of the water. And at 20 months old, that would be a much bigger concern. If you're right there and can help so he doesn't have to step out, I would definitely mention it to him.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

I do that all the time. My babe is 17 months old. I don't even think I'm gone for 30 seconds at a time but I think grabbing something quick is fine.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Well I don't have an issue with my own kid and me stepping out to grab a towel, an action that takes 15 seconds at most. However each to their own.

Drowning is actually the last risk I'd be worried about when stepping out for 30 seconds at most. Slipping and turning the HOT water on are my two biggies. DD is almost 2 and she just recently figured out how to twist the tub knob to hot or cold and that scares me because our hot water gets dangerously hot. MIL refuses to turn the temp on the tank down so I have scalded myself more than once doing dishes and being forgetful.

Drowning is silent and can happen very quickly but stepping out for 30 seconds is not a drowning danger, it is a big danger in a number of other ways though. Slipping and falling (DD just did this with me in the shower, literally looking at her) and turning the hot water on and burning themselves.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I also left the bathroom long enough to grab something when my dd was that age.

Somewhere between age 2-3 I left her in there to play while I sat on the bed watching tv. We lived in one of those homes where the builder thought it would be nice if everyone in the master bedroom could always see everything going on in the master bathroom, so the bathroom and bedroom were basically the same room.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

No.. not okay. A 20 month old can still drown in an inch or two of water. Do fight the battle!

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/126/1/e253.full


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I have known children to die from being left "for only a second" "to grab a towel" etc. Not acceptable. And if your child dies or near -drowns (which leaves the child with brain damage) then you do not get do-overs. And honestly, if your child dies that way, you will be just as at fault, because you knew it was going on.

You should go to youtube or a bereaved parents board and hear what the parents are saying who lost their children that way. Every one of them wishes they could go back to a day before the child died and never step out like that again.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

Well I personally step out for a few seconds at a time and have for months now, but it is just us currently and she makes plenty of noise playing and all the rooms are bunched together so I don't go far and I can hear the entire time that she is fine and still sitting.

However, water is dangerous enough that if it makes you uncomfortable, it isn't too much to ask that he stay in the bathroom with your son. As a PP said, drowning isn't the only risk.


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## Jenni1894 (Apr 1, 2011)

My YDD is 14 mos (in a week) and I will leave her in the tub w/her 3 yo sister. Just for a moment if need be. She is still little and ODD get's a little touchy feely so I worry about the baby falling and hitting her head/face. I make sure I have everything ready...towels, pj's lotion...etc. I've been doing this 7 yrs, so it's second nature. I still set out my DS' stuff and he's 7. Force of habit. lol I would feel safe at 20 mos to step out and get what's needed. I wouldn't go do the dishes, but to get a towel or washcloth I think it's okay.

I don't worry about the water b/c it's off by the time she gets in. And the knob is hard for me to pull out and turn on, by DS has a hard time with it. So that is not a concern for me. And she also makes tons of noise in the tub. Plus she's never bathed alone, maybe once or twice, ODD is always in there with her. And I make ODD sit closest to the faucet and drain.


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## ShwarmaQueen (Mar 28, 2008)

Not ok with me. If 6 yo DD is sitting in the tub with him, then yes, I can dart away for a few seconds, but it's too risky. If something were to distract me (happens constantly) I could easily be gone longer than intended and brain damage happens too quickly. Nope. Wouldn't risk it.


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## Asiago (Jul 1, 2009)

If you are questioning this at all, then listen to your instincts. It sounds like the bells are going off for you, listen to that maternal instinct. It is there to keep your baby safe.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

honestly, i do leave her for a few seconds to dart to grab something or put her diaper in the bin, etc. i'm not gone for more than 15 seconds at the most though.. but dd seems (hopefully) fearful of the 'hot' which i have taught her the faucets are. she is somewhat likely to think about climbing out (dangerous) if i were to leave for very long, though.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

I don't. I usually take baths with my 16 month old, I may get out of the tub to reach for the towel, but I won't go further than 2 feet outside the bathroom door. I do however let him stay in the tub once it's drained because he likes to throw the ball and have it come back. But even then I'm just outside the door folding laundry and listening/talking to him.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Post removed for privacy reasons.


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## BlueSkyDay (Mar 10, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Asiago*
> 
> If you are questioning this at all, then listen to your instincts. It sounds like the bells are going off for you, listen to that maternal instinct. It is there to keep your baby safe.


Yes, this is one parenting rule that I usually live by. My husband is an excellent, conscientious dad, and he's usually the one with a lower tolerance for risk. We also just had a conversation about how it's okay for us to have differences in what we do, so I didn't want to jump the gun. But you're right. I'm uncomfortable, and it's a safety issue so it's worth dealing with. Thanks for all of the input, everyone!


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## Hannah32 (Dec 23, 2009)

These threads make me glad that all we have is a shower stall.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I would be ok with it. My 3.5 yo bathes by himself and I started stepping out quickly when he was a year and a half I'd say.

However, in our house, we defer to each other as parents, so even though I'm ok with that scenario, if my DP asked me not to, because it makes him nervous, I'd oblige him. Likewise he obliges me about not leaving dd unattended in her booster seat at the table, since it doesn't have straps and she's likely to try and climb out.

If it's important to you then the other parent should respect that.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

that is horrible and 2 minutes is a LONG time to leave a toddler alone in a tub..

The longest anyone here has mentioned is 30 seconds...Still long but when I step out to grab a towel it is literally probably 8 to10 seconds...

It makes you think about it more though...Ugh, 2 minutes is so long!

I'm not saying that it's perfect but I won't fault a parent for literally stepping 5 feet away for seconds to grab something.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> that is horrible and 2 minutes is a LONG time to leave a toddler alone in a tub..
> 
> ...


There was a case in the UK here a while ago where a mum had left her kid for a few seconds and he drowned (i'm sure he was a baby). It turned out when she was investigated she had left him for over 20minutes while she surfed online and had already lost a previous child who had died after being put directly into a scalding hot bath "by mistake" and dying of her burns. Not all parents this happens to are neglectful or abusive but the abusive ones sure don't show up at ED with the full truth either.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

True, no-one has said they'd leave for as long as 2 minutes. It wouldn't take 30 seconds to turn the hot tap on though, or to take a good breath of water.

GoBecGo, people definitely do not always give the real story in ED. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes because they genuinely mis-estimate. I must admit I do wonder, when I hear/read time estimates, how accurate they are. I might time myself one day and see how long it actually takes me to do things.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

30 seconds isn't a long time....but then again it is. A lot can happen in 30 seconds. Not worth the risk, IMO. Everything that is needed for a bath should be already in the bathroom....towel, soap, water. There shouldn't be any reason to step out.


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## ShwarmaQueen (Mar 28, 2008)

Even stepping out of the room for 5-10 seconds isn't a good habit. There are so many things that could pull me away- the door bell, the phone ringing, the teapot, etc. 5 seconds could easily turn into 5 minutes. I'm not saying that other moms here would forget about their babe but I guess I just don't trust myself. Keeping focus isnt my stronghold, so when I leave the bathroom, so does DS.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *2xy*
> 
> 30 seconds isn't a long time....but then again it is. A lot can happen in 30 seconds. Not worth the risk, IMO. Everything that is needed for a bath should be already in the bathroom....towel, soap, water. There shouldn't be any reason to step out.


our bathroom (or MIL's bathroom as it is her house) doesn't have a closet in it! I find this just so weird but anyway our towels are just outside the door and I am always forgetting to grab one, even for myself.

You'd think I'd figure it out by now...You shower/take a bath you need a towel...So simple and so easy to forget.

eta...last night for DD's bath I actually used my phone's stop watch to time how long it took be to grab a towel outside the bathroom...7 seconds. I'm a nerd I know but I was curious because I do think 30 seconds IS a long time, especially in DD's case where she can twist the water to HOT without any effort...7 seconds I can live with, 30 would be too much for me personally at this time, only because I know what DD can do in the tub and I don't trust her not to play with the faucet or something.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Everyone likes to think it is only for a second or 30 seconds, but it rarely really is. Chances are, if someone says it is just 30 seconds, it is more like...more than 2 minutes, maybe even 5 minutes. I have known of a lot of babies and toddlers, and even preschoolers to drown when the parents or whomever is watching them, steps out "for just a second."

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> that is horrible and 2 minutes is a LONG time to leave a toddler alone in a tub..
> 
> ...


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

If a child falls and takes in one deep breath, and then missing the breath in the next second, they can have "near drowning." The kids with "near drowning" are not included in the drowning statistics if they do not die within a very short period of time. Some of them will die eventually. Some of them will be severely disabled. A victim of near drowning rarely makes it out with a normal life.

Because you were timing your time away, you probably hurried and you did not allow yourself to be distracted. Just grab the towel before you go in. If you forget to, drain the water and then grab the towel. Or take her out and carry her for the 7 seconds wet to get the towel. Or let her stand on the rug for the 7 seconds. Even my 20 month old has slipped backward in the tub suddenly, but thank goodness, I never allow him to be unwatched.

You take more than 7 seconds to strap your child in to a car seat. You do that, not because there is going to be an accident or death every time, but rather, because on the off chance an accident happens, your child will be protected. Well, give your child the 7 seconds to increase the child's chance at life. I would consider water safety to be a bigger issue than car seats. Google near drowning or drowning in bathtub stories. Every single one of those parents wish they could get back this time. 7 seconds to do what could save your child's life, please do that for your little one.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lisa1970*
> 
> If a child falls and takes in one deep breath, and then missing the breath in the next second, they can have "near drowning." The kids with "near drowning" are not included in the drowning statistics if they do not die within a very short period of time. Some of them will die eventually. Some of them will be severely disabled. A victim of near drowning rarely makes it out with a normal life.
> 
> ...


I don't think that anyone is arguing that we should leave them alone. I'm saying, for me, getting the towel for 7 seconds is something I would do. I'm not telling others to do it. And this may sound very, very callous but you can google thousands of accidents and conditions where there have been horrid outcomes. You can find tearful parents who'd wished their child had gotten a meningitis vaccine, not had a homebirth, had a homebirth, had a c/s, not had a c/s, used a 5 point harness, used a seatbelt.


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## frugalmum (Nov 5, 2009)

30 seconds isn't that bad if it's REALLY only 30 seconds. The problem is it's very easy even for the best parents to get distracted so it's best to have a policy where you don't leave the bathroom at all, or don't do baths and just give quick showers. I think quick showers are a lot safer.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *frugalmum*
> 
> 30 seconds isn't that bad if it's REALLY only 30 seconds. The problem is it's very easy even for the best parents to get distracted so it's best to have a policy where you don't leave the bathroom at all, or don't do baths and just give quick showers. I think quick showers are a lot safer.


funny enough my daughter fell while I was showering with her...I was literally looking at her and she slid backwards and whacked her head. that said I am still comfortable grabbing a towel (I wasn't hurrying just going through the motion when I timed it) with her in the tub..I know kids drown every day it sucks but like PPs have pointed out, often parents are leaving for a minute or more. Stepping outside the door is different. I don't run to answer the phone or something that is out of my comfort level...

I know the stats on drowning, more related to pools actually (thank you infant resuscitation class) as a PP said you can google a million different accidents regarding deaths of toddlers and infants it's just the way it is. If we really wanted to go there kids should never take a bath, be put in a car or even allowed near a pool or elevated place they can fall.


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

Our DS is 19 mos, and DH sits on a stool next to the tub the entire time. Bathtime is my time to finish making dinner, stuff a nighttime diaper and make bottles. If ive finished all that and hes still happily splashing away, i get a few minutes of me time. At no time does DH leave the room. We have a glass enclosure, and DS knows how to open the doors and has tried to climb out by himself already. And since i bear the scars from climbing out of the shower when I was little (slipping and needing stitches), i'm not risking that.


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## PoetryLover (Jan 8, 2009)

This is a safety issue, so if one parent is uncomfortable, the other parent should honor that. There are some things DH considers to be safety hazards to DS that I don't consider to be and vice versa. However, if one of us expresses a concern for the safety of our child, the other absolutely respects that. So I'm of the opinion that your DH should respect your concern even if he doesn't share it.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lisa1970*
> 
> Because you were timing your time away, you probably hurried and you did not allow yourself to be distracted. Just grab the towel before you go in. If you forget to, drain the water and then grab the towel. Or take her out and carry her for the 7 seconds wet to get the towel. Or let her stand on the rug for the 7 seconds. Even my 20 month old has slipped backward in the tub suddenly, but thank goodness, I never allow him to be unwatched.


While I agree with you in theory, I don't think that the people posting on this thread who are consciously aware of the risks are really exaggerating the "7 seconds" thing. When I say DH steps around the corner for 5 seconds to grab a towel (not even out of the bathroom), I really do mean 5 seconds or less. Grabbing a towel that's in or right next to the bathroom & rushing right back is very different than going down the hall or upstairs to the bedroom, or answering the door/phone/etc., or checking emails, or stirring a pot on the stove. I can definitely see how someone might get distracted in those situations, but not in walking 4 steps to get a towel while consciously aware of the risks.

I would say that taking a wet kid out of the tub (probably screaming hysterically) and walking across the bathroom with them to get a towel, could be pretty dangerous too -- all that water on the tiles is a slipping hazard. And if they're anything like my kid, they'd never stand still on a rug and wait for you to come back with the towel -- just wouldn't happen. Of course it makes much more sense to be prepared BEFORE filling the bath though...

ETA: DS has had several falls face-first into water and I am very very grateful I was there in arm's reach. One time though, I froze, and THANK GOD my friend was right there and rescued him immediately, I'm sure I would have un-frozen quickly but that was the worst few seconds ever.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> our bathroom (or MIL's bathroom as it is her house) doesn't have a closet in it! I find this just so weird but anyway our towels are just outside the door and I am always forgetting to grab one, even for myself.
> 
> You'd think I'd figure it out by now...You shower/take a bath you need a towel...So simple and so easy to forget.


I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *2xy*
> 
> I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.


yeah we have those as well but people still forget towels. I'm really not going to panic about the fact that I walk around the door and get a towel when I forget one and DD is in the tub. I know the risks I understand it I do, it's my own personal comfort level thats all.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *BlueSkyDay*
> 
> I need some perspective from other families. My husband gives our 20-month old son his bath every night and does a great job. But typically he'll leave the bathroom once or twice, probably for only 30 seconds at most, to take his diaper out, get pajamas that he'd forgotten, etc. They're little things that really don't need doing immediately or that my husband could just call out to me and I'd happily get for him. But it drives me crazy. Our house is small and my husband genuinely isn't gone for very long, and my son is very well behaved in the bath tub - sits quietly playing. But it doesn't take long for a toddler to get in trouble in the bath. I just need to figure out if this is a battle worth fighting. Do you ever step out of the bathroom with a toddler in the tub?


I did - for just the reasons that your dh did. Usually it was a forgotten towel or to toss a diaper in the diaper pail because the smell was getting to me.

Can you time your husband and see how long he's really gone? If he really is just darting out and back, I'd be OK with it. If he's got a tendency to get distracted, or start picking up clothes on the floor or takes longer than 20-30 seconds, I'd say something. If it really bothers you, you can say "You know, I know I'm probably being paranoid, but I get really nervous when you do this. Can you ask me to do this sort of thing so you can stay with ds?"

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *katelove*
> 
> My husband works in ED. He spent most of his shift last night resuscitating a 2 y.o. who had "only" been left in the bath for 2 minutes.


Was it really only 2 minutes? I'd also say that 2 minutes is different from darting out to get a towel and pjs.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *2xy*
> 
> I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.


Unless, of course, your husband has removed the towels for washing and hasn't remembered to put new ones back.







I climb out of the shower about once a month and find that dh has done laundry without replacing the towels. The linen closet is 2 steps from the bathroom with the tub. I'm OK leaving a toddler in the tub that long. Our whole upstairs is small.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LynnS6*
> 
> Was it really only 2 minutes? I'd also say that 2 minutes is different from darting out to get a towel and pjs.


I don't know for sure (cos I wasn't there) but I would think 2 minutes was a reasonable estimate based on the fact that the child was resuscitatable. Much longer than that and I doubt s/he would have made it to ED. It could have been less though, I would say. It doesn't take long for oxygen deprivation to cause unconsciousness.

I agree that 2 minutes is different from just going to get a towel and, I guess if you can be 99.9% sure of not being distracted and taking longer or your child not turning on the hot tap then it's probably ok occasionally but not a great habit to get into, IMO.


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## lovepickles (Nov 16, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ShwarmaQueen*
> 
> Even stepping out of the room for 5-10 seconds isn't a good habit. There are so many things that could pull me away- the door bell, the phone ringing, the teapot, etc. 5 seconds could easily turn into 5 minutes. I'm not saying that other moms here would forget about their babe but I guess I just don't trust myself. Keeping focus isnt my stronghold, so when I leave the bathroom, so does DS.


I totally agree with this. Leaving a young child alone in the bath is never safe. DD is 16 months and although she can hold her own I always stay within reach of her if I am not bathing with her. Accidents happen and it is NOT worth the risk.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I timed my estimated 30 seconds last night after reading here (actually i got DP to time me 4 times while i did the various things i might do, and he averaged them for me). My longest was 23 seconds, my average was 19 seconds. So for some of us the 30second thing is because we're counting too fast in our heads! 

I definitely think if a person isn't comfortable with this they shouldn't do it, though i personally am comfortable doing so. None of us is immune to tragedy, and bad things can happen no matter what. I don't feel i take undue risks (others may disagree) but despite that i know bad stuff can happen. I do think a lot depends on our kids and the layout of our houses too - i've only had one 20month old so far (DD2 is 11months). And she happened to be a physically capable, happy in water, LOUD bather, so my 30 (19?) seconds out of the bathroom she was singing away the whole time, i could hear she was fine, plus we had taps she couldn't turn on, a full bath mat to help prevent slips and a "non-slip"(she slipped a lot) rubber floor (she fell often, never got a bruise). The house we live in now has a stone flagged floor and the dryer (which was 5 yards from the bath in my teeny apartment) is downstairs, out the backdoor and in the garage here - no WAY would i fetch a towel from it here with the kid in the bath!

BTW - the whole discussion about getting towels (or not getting towels) makes me wonder - do you all have fairly big bathrooms? No bathroom i've ever had had a closet in it, and the one in my teeny apartment was small enough that on at least 3 occasions my DD grabbed my carefully warmed and brought-in-before-bathtime towel and dragged it into the bath! Needless to say, i had to fetch another! 

We all have different lives and we're all working within our personal comfort zones as loving parents. We all have different approaches to things like this, i find it interesting and humbling to hear how different other lives are.


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## SunRise (Apr 18, 2005)

I bring a magazine into the bathroom or make myself be in the moment while she bathes (she is 14mths - I guess, much younger then 20mths) I discovered the reason I would step out to get the towel or pjs or anything is because it is in my nature to always be doing something; prone to multi task. The item is never really needed at that moment; its the need to be doing something / preparing as opposed to sitting. One time, she was sitting in the bath with her 8 year old brother, I stepped out to get a towel and when I returned my son was lifting her up into a sitting position as she had slipped back and went under ... I hadnt heard any splashing/noise going down, I heard commotion while he was bringing her up. This is why I now just make myself SIT in there.

If you are uncomfortable with it, speak with your husband. Ditto waiting2bemommy


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## Czarena (Nov 15, 2010)

All children are different. You can not and should not treat all children the same. They behave differently, they think differently, their physical limitations are different. Some kids can be left for a few seconds at 18 months, some it's risky to literally take your eyes off of them at 3 years. Only YOU know your children well enough to determine the safety threshold.


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## T-man's Mama (Jun 22, 2010)

Absolutely not. My child is 25 months and I still wouldn't do it!


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

I think if it bothers you that much you need to take over bath time.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

I wouldn't leave a child that young alone in the tub even for a couple of seconds. I always take baths with my 20 mo old, or stay just beside the tub. I had to fish her out a couple of times when she was younger (around 15 months). Now she is more stable and takes baths with her 6 y/o brother, but I wouldn't put the burden of watching a toddler on a 6 y/o. I remember watching on "The Biggest Loser" the story of a lady whose 2y/o brother drowned while she was 4, and in a kiddie pool with him. Their parents had stepped out "to get a towel".


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Honey693*
> 
> I think if it bothers you that much you need to take over bath time.


OK don't know about the OP, but by that standard I would be doing everything and my DH would be doing nothing...


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## Agatha_Ann (Apr 5, 2009)

This is a situation where I am very strict that young children should never be left alone, even for a second when they are with water. A child being injured in the bath while the parent steps out is completely preventable and therefore not worth it to me. 30 seconds, 20 seconds, 10 seconds...sounds like a very short time and in many ways it is. I look at my little one though and think of how many times he has fallen or lost his balance, etc when he is just sitting on the floor, or reaching for a toy in the playroom. These falls certainly do not take even close to 10 seconds, and they are not on a slippery surface. As a previous poster said, it just takes that one breath...

I guess I would rather carry a wet baby into the hallway, put pajamas on in the bedroom, or live with a stinky diaper for a little bit, than know my child was injured for convenience.


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## jules33 (Jun 20, 2010)

Absolutely not ok, even for 10 seconds. I have a relative who left her 2yo son in the tub for a split second to grab something and she lost her son. It's too upsetting to recount the details, but they're not even important. Never leave a child unattended in a tub, a split second can and will change your life forever.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *jules33*
> 
> Absolutely not ok, even for 10 seconds. I have a relative who left her 2yo son in the tub for a split second to grab something and she lost her son. It's too upsetting to recount the details, but they're not even important. Never leave a child unattended in a tub, a split second can and will change your life forever.


Thank you for your post. It helps remind everyone that this is a serious safety issue.


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## mommy212 (Mar 2, 2010)

I give the baths at home and do this occasionally with my 18 month old. He is very well coordinated, has a non slip mat in the tub and I literally run to get what i need and run back. I would not panic or anything, or certainly not beat down your husband for this.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

It only takes 20 seconds for a child to drown.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


Is EVERYTHING that your DH does a safety issue? If not, then I doubt you'd be doing everything.

My DH does not load the dishwasher the way I like, but hey, the dishes still get clean and nobody drowns or gets hurt. Not worth fighting about.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *2xy*
> 
> Is EVERYTHING that your DH does a safety issue? If not, then I doubt you'd be doing everything.
> 
> My DH does not load the dishwasher the way I like, but hey, the dishes still get clean and nobody drowns or gets hurt. Not worth fighting about.


Of course not _everything_ he does is a safety issue. But yeah, a lot of it is. He is the type to have DS help unload the dishwasher while sharp knives are still in the basket, or to cook with DS right near the knives or hot pans (and DS grabs whatever is in reach). I will often walk into the room to see DS playing with a drill or eying the saw while DH is distracted with something. Just a few examples... I think just about every injury DS has ever gotten has been on DH's watch. And yes, it bothers me, but I try to just let them do their thing... because I know I am hyper-aware of dangers and he is not. I am not saying I just hover on my watch and let DS do nothing, of course! Only was responding to the 'if it bothers you, do it yourself' comment, because even other non-safety (but still serious) issues with DH bother me and I simply can't take over all of it because that wouldn't be fair to any of us. It seems much more reasonable to me for the OP to talk to her DH about it bothering her & come up with a solution together -- maybe that WILL be that she takes over bath time, but maybe her DH really loves doing it & just wasn't aware of the dangers of stepping out and would be happy to stay in the room. A lot of times when I talk to DH about these kind of things he either wasn't aware of the danger, or thought he was giving me a break and didn't want to disturb me or whatever. I'm not talking about him not vacuuming the 'right' way or loading the dishwasher properly -- I'm talking about things that are either dangerous, destructive, or have an otherwise negative impact long-term etc.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

I guess I just can't wrap my brain around any of that. Sorry you're dealing with it. It just seems bizarre to me that an adult would be that oblivious to obvious dangers like knives and power tools.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *2xy*
> 
> I guess I just can't wrap my brain around any of that. Sorry you're dealing with it. It just seems bizarre to me that an adult would be that oblivious to obvious dangers like knives and power tools.


You're telling me.


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## Greenlea (Apr 21, 2010)

At 20 mths old I would not have done that with my son, but he is now 25 mths old and I have begun leaving for a few seconds; although never as much as 30 seconds. But my son tends to stand and has slipped even while I'm in the bathroom. Sorry, but 30 seconds seems like too long. A few seconds I can see.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

I have no problem doing things when my toddler is in the tub. I put towels away run for clothes in the bedroom my washer and dryer are up stairs so I will switch over a load and bring the basket back etc. Im usually yelling to stop splashing or dumping water out of the tub. Ive done the same with the other 3.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *JBaxter*
> 
> I have no problem doing things when my toddler is in the tub. I put towels away run for clothes in the bedroom my washer and dryer are up stairs so I will switch over a load and bring the basket back etc. Im usually yelling to stop splashing or dumping water out of the tub. Ive done the same with the other 3.


I never wore seat belts as a kid. Neither did my husband. But our kids do, because now we know better.

You've been lucky.


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## seaheroine (Dec 24, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *philomom*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


ITA. Not even for one second. I've seen my 3yo lose her seat and slide right under the water, looking up at me in horror -- there's no way I'd let her bathe unattended for a second, much less my 16mo, who I don't think could right herself if she tipped, even on a non-skid mat. I agree with the pp who makes the argument that partners should always respect the other's safety concerns.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Im not really one to worry about safety constantly (we live in a house with two woodstoves, have bakers racks for kitchen shelving, we have spiders, ect. so there is only so much I can do. Im not going to live in a carpeted, sanitary environment just because there are safety issues. Safety issues are everywhere all the time.) but leaving kids around water really scares me. I dont have a bathtub, so I bath DD in the sink or in the shower. When she is in the sink, I dont turn my back because Im terrified that she will stand up and fall.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Also, I just have to ask everyone who is scared their kids will be scalded, is you water heater not turned down to a safe temp?


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## insidevoice (Feb 16, 2011)

I do leave my almost 3 year old for a couple moments here and there- to check on his sibling, or if I need to grab his pajamas for after the bath. If I do step away where I don't have direct line of sight visibility with him I listen and talk or get him to sing a song with me. Of course, our house is about 900 sq feet with very thin walls, so there is never an out of earshot moment. I've just started reaching this level of comfort with him in the past month or so. My kids also love baths together, I will not step away with two toddlers in a tub, but I take the younger one out first and my older toddler loves his time to himself and his 'pivcee' (privacy) when I get his brother dressed in the hallway outside the bathroom (door open.) He verbally communicates about his feeling like a big boy, and since he's a largely non-verbal child, that's a BIG deal and I will do anything I can to reinforce it.

Our hot water heater is set to a safe level, so that's not something I worry about, the faucet has a padded cover, and there is a padded mat on the bottom of the tub. I won't step away when water is running, as that would mask the sound of his play/singing.

My younger son- I suspect he'll be at least 10 before I dare step out. He's a climber and a daredevil, and he shows no sign of caring whether his face is in the water or out. (He LOVES to lie on his tummy and stick his face under the water.) He's now 20 months old, and it's just not anywhere near ready to be out of direct line of sight (and probably arm's reach) supervision. If I forget a towel, I pull the plug and drag him out to shiver for a moment while I get it.

Toddler is a pretty broad range of development, and as parents there is a point where we need to start giving kids a little space and room to find their limits. If the bathtub isn't a place you are comfortable with that- that is totally understandable. For those of us who are though, it is entirely possible to do so with some safety measures in place.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> Also, I just have to ask everyone who is scared their kids will be scalded, is you water heater not turned down to a safe temp?


actually because we live with our MIL and she takes baths for HOURS that are literally scalding hot we have a water heater that is NOT at a safe temp and she won't let us turn it down. We've asked multiple times but no way...

So with that in mind and the fact that DD can officially pull on and turn the water in the tub scalding is unfortunately a concern. Sigh, I wish it wasn't so it could be one less thing to worry about there ya go


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ldavis24*
> 
> actually because we live with our MIL and she takes baths for HOURS that are literally scalding hot we have a water heater that is NOT at a safe temp and she won't let us turn it down. *We've asked multiple times but no way..*.
> 
> So with that in mind and the fact that DD can officially pull on and turn the water in the tub scalding is unfortunately a concern. Sigh, I wish it wasn't so it could be one less thing to worry about there ya go


That sucks. I know there are lots of mamas who live in apartments or with family where they have to worry about that. Its one thing I can breath easy on.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


tell me about it! ask me how many times I burned the bleep out of my hands doing dishes, apparently I just can't learn.


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## vulnerable (Apr 21, 2009)

there was a little boy who was 20 months that just died in my town from being left unattended in the bath. i am a single mom and make sure i have everything before i let her get in the tub. i would never leave her alone, i am too paranoid about drowning or slipping. not worth it in my opinion.


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## insidevoice (Feb 16, 2011)

Out of curiosity, for those who don't step away at all, at what age do you see yourself doing that? In my experience, it's a progression from moments to minutes over months/years until the child is on their own in the tub. Of course, I still check in on my nearly 10 year old when she is in the tub.... usually just by knocking on the door and asking if she's waterlogged yet.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *insidevoice*
> 
> Out of curiosity, for those who don't step away at all, at what age do you see yourself doing that? In my experience, it's a progression from moments to minutes over months/years until the child is on their own in the tub. Of course, I still check in on my nearly 10 year old when she is in the tub.... usually just by knocking on the door and asking if she's waterlogged yet.


For ds, I think it was around 3.5. He's 6 y/o now and bathes by himself, no problem.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Even when you turn it down to a "safe" level, there is still a potential.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> Also, I just have to ask everyone who is scared their kids will be scalded, is you water heater not turned down to a safe temp?


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *vulnerable*
> 
> there was a little boy who was 20 months that just died in my town from being left unattended in the bath. i am a single mom and make sure i have everything before i let her get in the tub. i would never leave her alone, i am too paranoid about drowning or slipping. not worth it in my opinion.


That is not paranoid, that is being safe. Sometimes, when I hear of a child dying, but then it comes out that the parents did not supervise the child or thought they could step away "for just a second," while I still feel awful for them, I feel like the parent should be prosecuted. It is everywhere to not leave a child unattended in water, but parents still do it. The child loses his/her life, or maybe ends up a vegetable for life, all because the parent didn't care or want to supervise the child 100%. If it happened in the care of a babysitter or something, the parents would go after that sitter with everything they can. But it often happens with parents and grandparents.


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## insidevoice (Feb 16, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lisa1970*
> 
> Even when you turn it down to a "safe" level, there is still a potential.


Potential for what? Our hot water to the bathtub and faucets other than the kitchen sink and dishwasher are set to a temperature that can't cause a burn or scald. DD was badly burned at her school when she was small and became terrified of turning on the hot water at all, so we set the water heater to bathwater temp. We use a second heater for the kitchen water to bring it up to a dishwashing temp.


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## kcparker (Apr 6, 2008)

I am a fan of our rubber bath mat - it keeps them from sliding on the bottom of the tub. I stay with them and sit next to the tub, partly for safety, partly to keep the peace and recite the "water stays IN THE TUB" mantra. If I even try to read a book while I am in there with them instead of paying 100% attention, DS1 will dump water all over his brother, somebody will decide that there's "not enough water" and try to turn on the tap, and tub-tsunamis are always an imminent threat. I know, less scary than drowning, but still something to stop before it starts.


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## ~pi (May 4, 2005)

No, I would not leave a child that age alone in the tub, not even for 3 seconds, let alone 30.

I would approach this question in a different way. A lot of people are implying that it is inevitable to forget the towel. I think it's something that can be mostly conditioned.

In other words, if there are no natural consequences for forgetting the towel (i.e., if it's acceptable to just step out and grab it) there is little incentive to learn to make sure to have everything in place ahead of time.

On the other hand, if it is a house rule not to leave the child alone in the bath, you learn quickly to have everything you need ahead of time. Our rule has always been that if with a child under 5, if we forget the towel, DS comes out of the bath, and we take him with us to go get it. Neither DH nor I has forgotten the towel more than once or twice after that.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> Also, I just have to ask everyone who is scared their kids will be scalded, is you water heater not turned down to a safe temp?


Our heater isn't turned down, but then again I'm not worried about scalding either.


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## mamandedeux (Jan 15, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lisa1970*
> 
> If a child falls and takes in one deep breath, and then missing the breath in the next second, they can have "near drowning." The kids with "near drowning" are not included in the drowning statistics if they do not die within a very short period of time. Some of them will die eventually. Some of them will be severely disabled. A victim of near drowning rarely makes it out with a normal life.


This happened to my 4-year-old very recently. Yes, a 4-year-old. He ''inhaled'' water by accident. He almost drowned in about a foot of water. I never would have known if I hadn't been sitting on the toilet, right next to the tub. I pulled him out of the bath.

For what it's worth, I bathe both boys together (4 and 18 months) and never, ever leave them.

Life is all about deciding what risks you're willing to take - I err on the side of caution.


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## mamandedeux (Jan 15, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Adaline'sMama*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


We bought a faucet with a built-in lock so that the hot water tap can never be turned on all the way. A small expense, but a big relief!


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## luckymamaoftwo (May 25, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lisa1970*
> 
> I have known children to die from being left "for only a second" "to grab a towel" etc.


I also know two families who did this and lost their children. It is NOT ok in our household.


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## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

I am a bit curious and this is off-topic but the question springs to mind - do all of your kids' baths always consist of - "baths"? Meaning the whole - filling the tub to a level, letting them soak for a while and then taking them out? How long do you let your babies soak? And after they are done in the bath - but are still covered in bubbles (and dirty water) - what do you do then? Do you run them through the shower before towelling off? I am kind of baffled.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

My kiddo is 26 months and we stopped doing baths at every washing (and we didn't wash more than a couple times a week) around 14 months... we only shower together now. The only time we take a bath is when we are sick and could use the steam/hot water/eucalyptus or we are having a really tantrumy day and need the fun of a bath to splash in and play with bubbles. When we were using a bath as the means for washing, we didn't do bubble baths and used a small enough amount of soap that kiddo didn't get out covered in bubbles. kiddo wasn't getting that dirty at the time anyway so I'd hardly call the bath water dirty. at that time, no I didn't usually rinse her off as I figured the water more than diluted the soap and bit of dirt being washed off her. She has really sensitive skin but was fine. Didn't cause any issues.

we do rinse off quickly though after bubble baths now at this age though as there is enough to cause issue if it sits on her skin.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Blessed_Mom*
> 
> I am a bit curious and this is off-topic but the question springs to mind - do all of your kids' baths always consist of - "baths"? Meaning the whole - filling the tub to a level, letting them soak for a while and then taking them out? How long do you let your babies soak? And after they are done in the bath - but are still covered in bubbles (and dirty water) - what do you do then? Do you run them through the shower before towelling off? I am kind of baffled.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Blessed_Mom*
> 
> I am a bit curious and this is off-topic but the question springs to mind - do all of your kids' baths always consist of - "baths"? Meaning the whole - filling the tub to a level, letting them soak for a while and then taking them out? How long do you let your babies soak? And after they are done in the bath - but are still covered in bubbles (and dirty water) - what do you do then? Do you run them through the shower before towelling off? I am kind of baffled.


Mostly, yes the water fills to a certain level. She plays for as long as she wants to and we soap her and rinse her as she plays. We have a hand-held shower hose attached to the bath spout so we use that to get her wet and rinse the soap off as she plays, then turn it off when the bath is filled to the right level.

We don't need to rinse off any bubbles because the gel we use doesn't create many and we don't use bubble bath. I squirt a bit into my hand or onto a cloth, give her a rub down and that's it. It ends up pretty diluted by the bathwater so I'm not concerned about residue. And the water doesn't get too dirty because she isn't usually that dirty so that's not a problem for us either. I guess once she's bigger and digging in the garden/sandpit etc a lot then we might tend more to showers for that reason.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Blessed_Mom*
> 
> I am a bit curious and this is off-topic but the question springs to mind - do all of your kids' baths always consist of - "baths"? Meaning the whole - filling the tub to a level, letting them soak for a while and then taking them out? How long do you let your babies soak? And after they are done in the bath - but are still covered in bubbles (and dirty water) - what do you do then? Do you run them through the shower before towelling off? I am kind of baffled.


I "bathe" (as in WASH) DD1 (5) about 5 or 6 times a week, mostly she has a shower with me or DP, sometimes she has a bath with the baby. The baby (11months) has a bath about (i'm embarrassed to type this!) once every 10 days! More often if she gets into something stinky of course, and i spend most of every day wiping mess off of her....

When i bathe them i put about 4-6 inches of water into the tub - enough so that sat in it it covers the baby's little butt, but not so much that if she fell on her back it would cover her face. I put her in, using a wee jug to wet her, wash her hair and body (i use a calendula hair-and-body-wash from Weleda), rinse her off and then let her sit for a moment if DD1 is in there with her and wants to play. I NEVER leave them alone, for a minute or a second. For me DD2 is in MORE danger with her sister there than alone. When DD2 is alone in the tub i kneel next to it, when DD1 is with her i physically keep a hand on her too. A 5yo is just so apt to splash and wriggle and a wee baby can so easily be knocked over. Then i take DD2 out, wrap her in a towel and take her to get her dressed, leaving DD1 in the tub. DD1 is then allowed to add hot water if she likes (she has been shown how to use the taps to avoid scalding, though it is theoretically possible it's hard to do with our water system as it's a combi and there's a temp limiter, so you have to turn the hot on full to fire the boiler and then turn it down a tiny bit at a time until you reach the line between maximum temperature and the flow being low enough that the boiler stops heating again). She is loud and we continue to talk while i deal with the baby. Then i go back in to brush all the teeth and take the plug out for DD1, who then gets out, dries off and puts her PJs on.

We don't use anything but the body wash on either of them in the bath because DD1 has very sensitive skin, and a bubble bath would make her so dry and itchy she'd be scratching herself raw all night. And the water isn't generally "dirty" because they're not usually that messy - if DD1 is actually muddy or sick or anything we use the shower.


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## T-man's Mama (Jun 22, 2010)

Just the other day, I was giving my 26-month-old son a bath. I was literally standing right in front of the tub, bent down to get something on the floor, and he slipped face first down into the tub which only contained about 4-5 inches of water. He panicked and froze, and I nearly missed what happened as it was silent. As soon as I stood back up, I saw what had happened and grabbed him up out of the water, and he commenced crying and choking. Imagine if that happened and I had been around the corner in another room for 20-30 seconds, while he took in another then another big gulp of water? This is not a little baby, and it was not a lot of water. Thirty seconds is a LONG TIME when a child is drowning. It happens, and it happens quietly.


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