# How to teach my 16 month old



## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

I am having a problem with my dd. She whines all the time. She is in a contrary stage. She wants up then changes her mind and cries as soon as you pick her up. At first I thought she didn't understand the concept of up and down but she does seem to as she uses the terms correctly.
That's not the only time but definetly the most common for her "fits".
I don't know how to deal with the whining. She has no patience for anything and I don't expect her to at this age really. It just annoys me and makes me short by the end of the day.
Any suggestions on what we can do to make this better for all of us?


----------



## Fianna (Sep 4, 2003)

I have a 17-month-old who is very similar. What I have discovered in the last couple of days is that when she is asking to be picked up, she wants me to do something specific for her. If I pick her up and just hold her, she gets frustrated and acts like she wants to get down again. She is obviously frustrated at not being able to verbalize her needs/desires and not being able to do things for herself. It can be terribly frustrating for me as I'm asking 20 questions trying to figure out what she wants. But usually I'm able to do it, thank goodness!

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a very difficult phase for my youngest one, that she understands so much more than she can say. Fortunately she is a chatterbox and getting more articulate everyday, so this too shall pass! Hang in there!


----------



## luckylady (Jul 9, 2003)

Toddlers are just indecisive - or the exact opposite - exercising their right to choose. My DD doesn't whine, but boy can she throw a little temper tantrum! For instance, she wants in the bath, so I run it, put her in - wants out. Freaks out when I take her out and wants back in. Put her in, freaks out and wants back out. LOL.

She does this too with food. Wants strawberries. I cut them up and give them to her - shakes her head no. I put them back in the refrigerator. Starts crying. Wants the berries back.







:

With most things I put them within her grasp so she can choose what she wants. And I practice patience.

There are some things that she has no choice - like being in the carseat. This weeks battle royal.

I tell myself to enjoy it (and I truly do - it helps to be truly in the moment) because oddly enough, I know the day will come when I will long for these days again. They pass in the blink of an eye.


----------



## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

There was a great article in Mothering magazine back in...oh gosh, it was a year or more ago (I've packed it away, so can't check). Anyways, one of the first things it said was when your child seems to want something, then changes their mind when you offer it, then screams in upset when you take it away again.

The article stressed that it's very important to understand that this is NOT about the bath/cup/whatever but a sign of somethine else going on. They could be tired, hungry, or just stressed out about something and now they are having a hard time making decisions, or figuring out what they want. I'll have to dig the magazine out b/c I can't remember now exactly what they suggested to handle it.

I just wanted to make the point that the indecision thing is really about something else.


----------



## Fianna (Sep 4, 2003)

Good point, Piglet68. My dd definitely pulls the indecisive/changed-my-mind tantrum when she is tired. She is one of those toddlers that hates to slow down and hates to be tired, so she often gets overtired without my realizing it--at least until she starts asking for something and then getting mad when I give it to her! That's my cue to lie down with her, when possible, and she is usually asleep within a minute.


----------



## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

For dd its not just when she's tired. Its all the time. So unless she's tired all the time (which I don't think she is) then that's not it.


----------



## Liz (Mar 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Piglet68_
*There was a great article in Mothering magazine back in...oh gosh, it was a year or more ago (I've packed it away, so can't check).*
I was just recommending this article in another thread. It was on tantrums and tantrum was in the title.

Amarasmom - it's not just when they are tired. It could be hungry, want attention, or just stressed out for some reason (maybe you are overtired?). Anyway, look for the article and I think you will know right away if it sounds like your situation. At the time it was published, it described my situation to a T and was very helpful.


----------



## sparkeze (Nov 20, 2002)

That sounds just like my DS, but I have noticed that he gets that way when he's bored, tired, or just wants my attention. Or if I'm not figuring out correctly what it is that he wants. Like with the up down situation, if he's asking to be held, but then struggles and I put him down then wants up again, sometimes what he wanted was to look at what I'm doing at the counter, or wants to get something from someplace he can't reach, etc. A lot of times once I correctly figure out what he wants he's happy, and if I've exhausted all possibilities but he's still whiny, what he really wanted was something completely different, like for me to play with him or something.


----------

