# The mistakes I made with baby wearing



## babyjiva (Sep 12, 2012)

anyone else have a hard time with baby-wearing&#8230; like a love hate relationship. this article highlights some great things to keep in mind
http://attachedtoparenting.com/2012/...stakes-i-made/


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## proudMoMmy2634 (Jun 26, 2012)

Interesting blog, though I think having an expensive carrier is not really essential.


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## Hymanroth (Jul 6, 2011)

A mistake I made before I knew any better, was wearing my son out in the ergo ... Facing out. I thought I would try it bc I saw some tabloid pic and the actress did it. Lol.

I also wish I would've learned to wrap and not been so intimidated!


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## impaz0330 (Nov 30, 2010)

I used a Baby Bjorn a few times before I knew any better, with him facing out. At the beginning, I didn't think anything of it, hadn't researched, just thought, cool, how convenient! Thankfully, my friends showed me the right way quickly. I learned how to use mai-tais, slings I never got the hang of, and buckle carriers I like now that he's bigger. Wraps always intimidate me though, lol.


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## Karisha Solomon (Sep 3, 2012)

My son is 14 months and 28 pounds. I am trying to back wear him in the ergo but it kills my back (and stomach with the strap lot looking good or feeling so good). My husband does it just fine and he loves it. He will chat the whole time and it makes hiking so much easier. Any suggestions for what I can do to make it more comfortable. Also, how long do you continue baby wearing? Is there such a thing as toddler wearing?

Thanks so much


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## Midwesterner04 (Nov 19, 2009)

Karisha-- Yes, there is such a thing as toddlerwearing!  I don't know how we'd have gotten through some of the 2 year-old teething without our wrap conversion ring sling and/or soft structured carrier (We love our Pikkolo).

I haven't used an Ergo for a back carry, but I often have heard that getting it as high and tight as you can is very helpful. I'm sure an Ergo-using mama will have better advice, though. Is it uncomfortable on your front? My babe weighs about what yours does and we're actually most comfortable with her on my front. If you can't make it work for you, there are many other brands and even toddler-specific carriers out there (I like this comparison chart: http://paxbaby.com/ssc-comparison-matrix/).


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## MrsKoehn (May 12, 2012)

I'll be keeping that in mind! I have thought about the different carriers and positions. I'm short, short waisted, short armed, and big chested. I'm going to look like Bessie The Milk Cow when my girls fill up.







Hubby thinks it's great, me, not convinced. Lol But ya, reaching around I've thought of. I don't like not seeing them though..... I know I'll have to play around with it. And YouTube and ask you lovely ladies....


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## bouncymummy (Sep 18, 2012)

Great article!! I am wondering if maybe I have made some recent mistakes with babywearing, and have created a babywearing monster







. I have worn my 4 mth old DS in a wrap style sling almost all day, every day pretty much since birth. He has always slept great in it, and was a pretty good sleeper at night too, even giving me an hour or two to myself while he slept alone in my bed. However, the last couple of weeks I've noticed that his naps in the wrap are getting shorter and shorter, with the result that he is seeming more tired and fussy. I'm looking for some suggestions on how to transition him gently from naps in the wrap to naps in the bed for at least one of his naps during the day. I also have a very active 3 YO who is not the most co-operative when it comes to having quiet time, so I'm wondering how I will do a nap time with baby when big brother is home, which he is all the time except for 2 mornings a week. Any suggestions??


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## Karisha Solomon (Sep 3, 2012)

Thanks for the great chart. I can carry my son in the front for about 30-40 minutes and then my lower back is killing me for the rest of the day. The problem with him being in the front is I can not really do any housework that requires bending over. I would like to be able to put him on my back for chores and for walking since he is so much more talkative when out of the stroller. I used to use a moby wrap and thought that was much more comfortable on the skin. Maybe I will try that again to prevent the strap from digging into my stomach (when on back) and my neck when on the side position with the ergo. One of these days I will find another mom carrying their toddler around. thanks again


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## NetteinNJ (Jul 16, 2012)

That blog was helpful.  I do wish people were a bit more honest about the fact that some carrier and body types just make baby wearing more difficult. I've got short arms, legs, and torso and I'm extremely busty so it is really difficult finding things that work. I wish that I had found a local babywearing class to have some other moms help me troubleshoot in person. It's been rough figuring it all out on my own..with lots of help from YouTube...but well worth it.


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## NetteinNJ (Jul 16, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MrsKoehn*
> 
> I'll be keeping that in mind! I have thought about the different carriers and positions. I'm short, short waisted, short armed, and big chested. I'm going to look like Bessie The Milk Cow when my girls fill up.
> 
> ...


I'll help you by offering what I have found through trial-and-error if you'd like as it sounds like we might be "body twins".


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## Danu78 (Sep 4, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bouncymummy*
> 
> Great article!! I am wondering if maybe I have made some recent mistakes with babywearing, and have created a babywearing monster
> 
> ...


Bouncymummy,

It may be that your DS is approaching his Wonder Week 19 and is fussy because of that (there's a great book called Wonder Weeks about baby's brain development). My 5mth old DD does most of her naps in the wrap, too, but once or twice a day I would lay down with her on my bed and mostly I get lucky - she falls asleep and I can sneak away. It does not work all the time, though. And I don't have a toddler at home - respect to you!


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## jenrose (Apr 25, 2004)

I think that if one CAN have multiple carriers, it is nice to be able to choose the best carrier for the situation, but I got through my daughter's babyhood with one stretchy wrap, and her toddlerhood with a bunch of homemade pouches, and that was it. I know people who've gone birth to toddler with a bedsheet. And there are plenty of carriers I like better than an ergo for versatility and comfort.

It's hard to get a baby used to the back if you start out with structured carriers, as they tend to be worn lower, and babies like to see forward. So a 5 month old isn't going to like being back there much in a SSC, but they might LOVE a mei tai, woven wrap or even a rucksacked bedsheet high on the back where they can see over.

I'd put my "expectations" list more like this:

1. I always think i'm going to wear my newborn constantly. But I really don't need to, because they sort of stay on my shoulder without a lot of effort while they're under 10 pounds. That said, on the rare occasions I had to be up and out of bed in those first weeks, stretchy wraps (my favorite: Wrapsody Bali Baby Stretch) are a godsend. Put it on, pop them in, take them out, pop them back in again, lift them up, lay them in the outer passes to nurse, pop them back in again. VERY convenient, but something I only did when I was up and around. Babywearing while sitting at that stage is barely necessary for me.

2. Newborn backwearing is a gimmick and not worth the bother. I can do it, but even with boobs like mine I can't nurse a newborn on my back (toddlers are another matter but we're not going to talk about that...lol!) And newborns want to nurse a lot. They want to be changed a lot. Back wearing doesn't even really start for me on a regular basis until 4 months or so because it is not really as convenient and it is MUCH harder to do with a shrimpy little infant than it is with a bigger baby whose legs reach where I need to cross straps. Realistically i'm going to front wear as long as my back can stand it, then move them to my back 90% of the time after that. The ONLY situation I find backwearing really helpful with a small baby is when cooking something involving hot liquids. It's safer then.

3. It is less important to worry about whether your baby's back and spine are "developing properly" and more important to pay attention to your baby's cues and preferences. Most of my babies at about 2-4 months really prefer to face out when they go into a new environment... but rapidly tire. As soon as they start yawning, hiccuping, or turning their heads/closing their eyes, I turn them back around. 20 minutes is about as long as most babies that age can deal with facing forward in a busy store, but giving them that 20 minutes buys a ton of peace. Baby LOVED the hardware store, then would sleep through the next couple stops, facing in. The evidence just isn't there when it comes to worries about hip/spine development and overstimulation, but common sense says you don't keep a baby in any one position too long, especially if they show signs of discomfort. I've never used a Bjorn for longer than a few minutes, so I'm doing my front facing out with wraps (legs supported chair style), ring slings (baby buddha), and mei tais (also buddha, legs in).

4. No matter how lush and long my hair got when I was pregnant, the minute I start backwearing regularly it's gone. Hair pulling hurts, and shorter hair is easier to keep out of reach. It's the only thing I've found that reliably helps. 2 braids got me through with my first, but I looked like I was 12.

5. I can have dozens of carriers and I keep coming back to a small handful of favorites. One of them is not being made anymore (the Calyx) which is tragic. But the Kozy carrier and Tettitett ARE being made, and they are marvelous. 19 years worth of trying carriers out and I keep coming back to these three. Plenty of others I've liked fine, but for me and my body and the way I wear, these just make sense.

6. I have a problem with the Wrapsody stretch wraps. I call it Pokemon Syndrome. Namely, I keep getting more and not being able to loan them out, despite having given away more than 100 carriers in the past 20 years, I love the fabrics so that I just can't make myself give them away. Except one. But I'd gotten a second rainbow one and the first one I didn't like quite as well. I have four of these now. Wraps are like this. People get very, very weird about wraps and I don't even USE my stretch wraps very often anymore and I still can't give them away. They're too pretty and I love them too much and I should probably just frame them and be done with it, they are that gorgeous. Gotta catch them all. Well, most of them. But I don't NEED more. But somehow that doesn't matter. Right. Anyway, like anything pretty made of cloth, carriers can be addictive if they're pretty. And they are an expensive addiction. My husband should just be glad I didn't get addicted to Didymos wraps.

7. Once a baby hits 16 pounds, backwearing is a must, and being able to put a baby on your back quickly and get on your way is a lifesaving skill to have. Learn the Santa Toss, my lovelies. Use it. Get good at it.

8. One of my children may well exist because I desperately wanted a baby to wear. No, I won't tell you which one.

9. When you have a special needs child and fibromyalgia, sometimes you really do have to buy a stroller. She was 3.

10. Fibromyalgia sucks and means that sometimes the baby needs to scream for a little while while I make dinner because despite having the best baby carriers known to motherkind, it still fatigues me too much to cook and wear him on a day when I've gotten my special needs kiddo to the bus and back. He'll be okay. I'm really RIGHT THERE talking to him. He'll figure it out soon. No matter how boss I am with baby carriers, there are some times when I just don't have it in me to have him on my body one more minute. That said, if I MUST have him in arms? THANK GOD for babywearing. Because I could not do so much of my life without it.


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## Katmoons (Jul 29, 2012)

I use the beco gemini and DH uses the ergo, we both front carry DD who is 8 months and around 19 pounds. Problem is DD always tilts her head all the way back (90 degrees) and looks up at the sky, we're worried this is damaging her spine/neck. Should we transition to a back carry? Or is there another type of carrier that will prevent this head tilting?

We'd hate to be making a major babywearing mistake without knowing it!

Any help would be great! Thanks!


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## MrsKoehn (May 12, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Katmoons*
> 
> I use the beco gemini and DH uses the ergo, we both front carry DD who is 8 months and around 19 pounds. Problem is DD always tilts her head all the way back (90 degrees) and looks up at the sky, we're worried this is damaging her spine/neck. Should we transition to a back carry? Or is there another type of carrier that will prevent this head tilting?
> 
> ...


My daughter is the same way. My sister was too. She wasn't ever really in a carrier, but any time she was held, she had her neck tipped back. We have pictures of it. She's a very lovely, very straight spined/necked 29 yr old mama now. I'd say if they're like that all day with no support, it's bad. What I do with my baby is put her in the Moby and hold my hand supporting her neck (she's almost 8 weeks). She falls asleep eventually and I tuck her head under the wrap.... Even then she tends to wiggle her way into a bent-neck position.


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## Grace Wisdom (Dec 27, 2012)

I love your post jenrose and understand #8 so well  <3


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

good list Jenrose! for #2 - it was also the best way for me to hang out my laundry or a little while  If I hadn't had that option I probably wouldn't have bothered hanging because of our situation (it was a long walk to the line)


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## mambera (Sep 29, 2009)

Just wish I'd started wrapping earlier instead of taking a fruitless detour into SSCs.


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