# the "my toddler doesn't STTN" and I'm okay with it thread :)



## goodheartedmama (Feb 1, 2007)

for those of us who have 12 month + children who still don't STTN and yet we aren't freaking out about it!!!

My son, 18 months, STTN maybe half the time. He typically goes right back to sleep, though, but there are nights that he wakes up for a couple of hours







: He was an awesome sleeper from about 4-8 months, so he did trick me at that point.

I feel like I handle it better than most people with 2 month olds who don't STTN though







I know it will happen some day.


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

My toddler doesn't sleep through the night and I am okay with it! Well, mostly....









Actually she has begun sleeping through the night completely, about 50% or more of the time. I didn't type that to rub it in to anyone







just to show support that we were patient/loving, never CIO, at times thought she would NEVER sleep through the night -- and at 27 months (finally!) it has gotten so much better.

I guess my support is just to *hang in there* to people who are kind of getting freaked out or feeling discouraged. There were many nights where I was like, "I am so over this." -- That, and throw in people asking me at 3 WEEKS old whether she was sleeping through the night ---->







and








: @ them... I am so grateful that somehow, I mustered enough patience and strength to hold true to my ideals and never made her CIO or kicked her out of our bed or all the other bad (if well meaning) advice I had gotten.

ETA: this site and board was a lifesaver for me too, coming on here and reading stories so similar (like yours!) and knowing that I am not alone and it is way more common than I was led to believe.

Thanks for starting the thread!


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## mountainborn (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *goodheartedmama* 
I feel like I handle it better than most people with 2 month olds who don't STTN though







I know it will happen some day.

It really is all about realistic (or not so realistic) expectations. My ds started STTN 90% of the time when he was 26 mos, but that fluctuates with illness and other upsets, of which there are currently many.

But of course I'm ok with it! He's a little person, not a robot. I think most of us come into parenting with such unrealistic ideas about sleep and needs that unless we make a big adjustment in our perspective we are in for a rough ride. Hence the reason why almost every mainstream parent of a two month old complains about their lack of sleep as if it were somehow abnormal.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

My kiddo didn't sleep through the night until all her teeth came in, and I was ok with it! This article really helped me understand and accept things: Sleeping With Your Baby


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

My oldest, 5yo, usually STTN, but not always.








My youngest, who will be 3 next month _just_ started STTN this month, but I don't expect it to last too long.








He goes right back to sleep when he nurses, so I'm good.


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## 2shy2post (Oct 11, 2005)

My DS didn't *ever* STTN until he was about 13 mos. DH & I about had a heart attack ~ my honest to goodness first thought was that he was dead!







Then he only did it once in a while (like maybe once a month). It wasn't regularly (like more nights a week than not) until he was about 3. This would have been the same time he started weaning. I would say after he weaned completely at 3.5 is when he really consistanly STTN. Don't know if it has anything to do w/nursing or not???

DD started STTN a little earlier. Sort of. She had this 6:00am nursing session & then she would go back to sleep for like another hour or so. I can't remember when she really STTN though...

I think people who ask the "Does your baby sleep through the night thing" just don't have anything interesting to talk about. My favorite answer was always, "Heavens no, he's only x months old." By the time he was a year, no one really asked, I can only guess it was b/c they ASSUMED he did...


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## 2shy2post (Oct 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2shy2post* 
My DS didn't *ever* STTN until he was about 13 mos. DH & I about had a heart attack ~ my honest to goodness first thought was that he was dead!







Then he only did it once in a while (like maybe once a month). It wasn't regularly (like more nights a week than not) until he was about 3. This would have been the same time he started weaning. I would say after he weaned completely at 3.5 is when he really consistanly STTN. Don't know if it has anything to do w/nursing or not???

I guess I should have said I don't know if it had anything to do w/nursing for HIM. DD still nurses & she's almost 3. However, I can't even remember the last time she *didn't* STTN.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

I don't even expect it, really. He needs comfort and fuel, so I am not anticipating sleep without interruptions for a long time. If we aren't up more than 3 times, I consider it a great night!


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## Kat's Mommy (Jan 2, 2006)

My DD is 27 months, and she has never SSTN. Sometimes she needs a little cuddle if she sits up at night, most nights she wants to nurse back to sleep.

How can I possibly expect my DD to SSTN when I don't SSTN?








I wake up several times myself - to pee, to read, to watch TV, to play spider solitaire on my blackberry, and sometimes, I just can't get back to sleep









If I get three hours of continuous sleep (for both me and DD), I consider it a great night!


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## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

dd is 22.5 months old and still nurses at least 3 times per night, and i'm totally ok with it.

sttn is an unrealistic expectation for little ones, as a pp brilliantly noted...i'm 35 years old and I DON'T EVEN STTN! sometimes i get up to go to the bathroom, sometimes i need a drink of water, sometimes i need to rearrange pillows/covers.


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## secondintheoven (May 21, 2007)

Our son did not starting to STTN (all the time) until we started co-sleeping which wasn't until he was 2 1/2. He's 3 1/2 now. the only time he has issues with sleeping is if he falls asleep really early and wakes in the middle of the night but the poor guy is hungry and needs to potty . He usually goes right back to bed afterwards. I'm due to have our second in January and have learned from our first - co-sleeping usually helps them sleep better!


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

I don't STTN - I get up to pee, etc. so I don't expect DD to....she does a few times a week but it's no shock when she wants to know where her 'rents are when she wakes up (she sleeps in her own bedroom but comes and goes from ours as she pleases).


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

My 22 month old doesn't always STTN, maybe half the time. It doesn't bother me at all. He is nightweaned so he doesn't ask to nurse. If he wakes he usually picks a parent to snuggle up to or tosses and turns until he is comfy again. I don't STTN either, I know I have to roll over and fluff my pillow and get up to pee, so it's only natural that he will have to do the same (only the toddler version







).


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Hi Erin!

DS is 15 mos and now only wakes about twice. That's GREAT compared to how it used to be. I could do this forever. It's not hard at all (when you cosleep). The every 1..2..3. hour wakings during the first year were tiring though.

Seems like only very few babies STTN w/o 'training'.







I want no part of that.


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## Jenlaana (Oct 28, 2005)

My 23 mo old doesnt STTN, but its close enough to it that I don't really care. We are trying to nightwean (she only gets a sippy cup now) which I would like to be over with so that she doesn't wet the bed, and we encourage her to sleep in her own bed (she sleeps better there generally). But if she wants to sleep in our bed or wake up in the middle of the night to cuddle, so be it.

Of course...ask me again in 2 months when we have our 3rd child here (she's due in a few weeks) and I may change my mind.


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## Brenda2005 (Mar 10, 2005)

I don't even know if my 22 mo old STTN or not. If he want to nurse he just goes for it, I'm knocked out


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## yamilee21 (Nov 1, 2004)

: to the previous post - my son is 25 months. All along people have asked me how is his sleep and I always say that I don't know; I'm too busy sleeping to find out.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

I'm o.k with dd (17 months) not sleeping through the night. Waking up once would be fine. But this waking up every two hours is making me







:


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## secondintheoven (May 21, 2007)




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## Beppie (Oct 24, 2005)

I was fine with dd#1 not STTN since I attributed it completely to her nursing, and that was a decision I was happy about. And then, miraculously, she did start STTN at 22 months old, and it was amazing!

Of course, now we have dd#2 due in December, so once again I'll be getting used to a child that nurses all night long. But really, I'm so amazed at how well-adjusted and happy dd#1 is, and I really believe it's because she nursed a long time and still sleeps in our bed. For a happy child, I'll gladly do it the same way with dd#2!


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## amyjeans (Jul 27, 2004)

I don't sttn- I never expected my kids to!I am happy when they can settle down enough to fall asleep. the rest is just fluff.


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## roostery (Jan 23, 2004)

DD didn't sttn until she was 28 months. Until that time she still nursed like an infant, every 1-3 hours around the clock. She was Elizabeth Pantley's worst case scenario too, she ONLY nursed to sleep, absolutely nothing else worked and if I tried to ease her off the breast before she was sound asleep she would wake up screaming.

But it was fine, we co-sleep so I didn't have to wake up fully.


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## pixilixi (Jun 20, 2006)

I'm the only one in my parent's group with a toddler who doesn't (and who has never) sttn. I often hear how angry parents get when their toddler wakes up once in the night, or who wakes up early (after sleeping 11 hours straight mind you). I don't say anything anymore.

DS is 17 months and still nurses at least 3 (usually more) times a night. For the most part I'm cool with that. Of course, we all have baaaaad nights, and on those nights I get frustrated. But even then, I don't wish for sttn, just for a couple of hours in a row!!!


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## menomena (Jun 14, 2007)

my 4mo sleeps better than my 29mo.







i am 98% ok with the (numerous) nightwakings, b/c she'll nurse back down, or let us rub her back/feet.. haha, "let" us; lucky me that my child deigns to let me soothe her with massage.









it's those times when she wakes up screaming that get me. because, then we're ALL up. and once dd2 is fully awake and squaking i have to actually get up out of the bed with her so dp & dd1 can go back to sleep. oh the bed hopping we do in this family - it's a very intricate dance.









i went through a bitter phase when she was an infant and it was clear that sleep issues would dominate our future. but that didn't solve anything, so i just moved onto resolved acceptance. now i rejoice when i get a "full" night of 5 uninterrupted hours of sleep. yay perspective! heh. all i can say is thank god for cosleeping & nursing!

*ETA: My child has food allergies that went undiagnosed for almost two years.







I *know* that is a major contributing factor to her persistent, and frankly, traumatic (to her) night-wakings. Even now after 5m, we're still getting used to be totally dairy- & garlic-free and have slip ups every once in a while. Ingesting on item with milk in it can set her sleep back for weeks. Just a PSA - if you have a really persistent night-waker, sometimes allergies can be a huge factor.*


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## WillyMom (May 1, 2007)

DS is 14mo and does not STTN. He nurses about 3-4x a night. During the day I am OK with it and know its normal and natural but sometimes at night I get frustrated.


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

DD is 25 months old and does not sttn. She went through a short phase where she slept thru, but she's back to waking once or twice.
I'm perfectly fine with it.


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## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

my 30 month old has never slept through the night and i don't expect him to anytime soon. i am okay with it in general though i was having a really hard time with it a couple of weeks ago. it's all good now though.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *roostery* 
DD didn't sttn until she was 28 months. Until that time she still nursed like an infant, every 1-3 hours around the clock. She was Elizabeth Pantley's worst case scenario too, she ONLY nursed to sleep, absolutely nothing else worked and if I tried to ease her off the breast before she was sound asleep she would wake up screaming.

But it was fine, we co-sleep so I didn't have to wake up fully.

That's us except my DD is 24 months and hasn't reached the STTN marker yet. She usually sleeps for 2 hours when she first goes to sleep, then she nurses about every hour or two after that.

Frankly, I wish I could nurse her only a couple times a night, but overall I just consider it a parenting thing. Like I wish I could get more alone time or whatever - but that's just part of being a parent.


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## Liam's Mum (Jan 9, 2007)

My 3 year old sleeps through the night sometimes, sometimes not. He started sleeping longer around 2.5, I night-weaned him and that helped a bit more, but he still makes it to our room some nights, though often not until 5ish, so really, he's slept through. And since he just immediately goes back to sleep, it's no biggie (OK I wouldn't mind if he stayed in his room more often mainly because I'm pg, and huge, and will need room for the baby soon, but I'm not doing anything to change things because I know it will change on it's own when he's ready, just like he is no longer rocked to sleep or nursed to sleep (and back to sleep) or needs the swing to nap in...)

It did take me a while to accept it, as I didn't know it was normal, but when I realized how happy and healthy and smart he was, I had to accept that night waking/night nursing was normal for him and obviously responding to him was working.

And add me to the list of grown ups that also don't sleep through the night, so how can I expect my child to?


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## mandolyn (Nov 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *menomena* 
oh the bed hopping we do in this family - it's a very intricate dance.









We play musical beds at night too! And no, my 15-month old still doesn't sleep through the night either, and I'm OK with it!


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## nursemom2 (Oct 16, 2004)

hi! my 6 y.o. and 3 1/2 y.o rarely sleep through the night. we all cosleep and for the most part it works out ok. i guess we are just used to comforting them at night. my 3 yo sleeps much better than the 6 yo. he needs a warm body near him!


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## noralou (Jul 19, 2007)

My 22mo ds doesn't sleep through his _nap_, let alone the night. I'm fine with that. It's reassuring to see that others have this attitude.







The other AP moms I know seem to have particularly deep sleepers (or maybe they can sleep through night nursing). After pondering gentle sleep training techniques, I decided to let him get there when he gets there. Like the pp, the pediatrician only gets "fine," when she asks about sleep. Previous advice from her? "You'll have to harden your heart." Harden my heart? When caring for my baby? I don't think so!!!

I just talked to my friend, mother of a 5mo baby, who told me she's "sick of waking up 2x a night." Didn't have a lot to say to that, since my almost 2yo has slept through the night maybe 5x ever... I did give her The No Cry Sleep Solution, to counter the scary books her sisters have been pushing.


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## amaretto (Aug 16, 2007)

DD is 12mo and has never STTN. We didn't cosleep until she was 4mo but she nursed at least 5-6x. Pp bf hormones gave me such a nice sleep - I didn't mind getting up every couple of hours because I would fall asleep IMMEDIATELY after nursing.

Now, we mostly cosleep and I honestly don't remember things happening at night although at that time I realise she latches/unlatches.

She was fully awake only a couple of times and we thought it was funny. Sometimes she opens her eyes, smiles and goes back to sleep.

I am OK with it because it is like STTN and I am a night owl.
But please, can we sleep in the evening? I was born in the US, I moved in Europe 30 years ago and I still suffer from jetlag!


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

Throw me in as well.....I would really like to get some sleep but I know my son just isn't going to do it yet.....he's not even two yet for goodness sakes!


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## KariCraw (Feb 2, 2007)

I am SO GLAD there are others out there like me... I also co-sleep with Isaac & also have to nurse him back to sleep several times a night. I get sick of hearing "You're STILL breastfeeding??" or "He doesn't sleep in his own room??"..it's sometimes better to not divulge the truth.

Thanks to you all who posted, I feel a lot better now


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

my 26 month old still wakes up 2-3 nights per week- we're temporarily living at my pediatrician mom's house and she says things like "don't pick her up on my account, let her cry it out if you want to!" and things like that. She feels totally compelled to give me advice in the morning if dd has woken up the night before, and I keep trying to get it through her head that *I* am okay with DD waking up to be held/fed/comforted/whatever!

there was a period at 13-16 months of waking frequently, and staying up from 2-5 am that was not pleasant!! this feels GREAT compared to that! I don't know why people freak out when their child doesn't perfectly sleep through each and every night- did they not know they'd lose sleep being a parent? or do they feel that they only should have responsibilities from 7 am to 8 pm or something?







:


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

My 20 month old wakes up to nurse about 2 - 4 times a night. We both go back to sleep immediately afterwards, and it is absolutely no problem.


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

A very annoying know-it-all mainstream aquaintence of mine told me that my son will never learn to sleep on his own if he dosn't cry himself to sleep and what would I do if he is still doing this at 4? I told them I would parent him and be there for him! She took that real personal for some reason, though I never insinuated anything about her.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

My 2 year old DS still wakes up once around midnight sometimes if he goes to sleep "early" or on time. And yea i got used to it. He used to be a terrible sleeper when he was a baby. I think I just got used to it.

It really scares me sometimes when he walks out of the room without making a sound and comes into the living room...


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