# This has to be said. A Vent. A Rant. UPDATE from the pedi post #11



## guestmama9908 (Jan 23, 2007)

Last night my son developed a problem with his penis. I was ashamed to post the details to ask for help here. Not only was I ashamed to post the details here I was afraid to tell all but one of the people who PM'd me for help "ALL" of the details.

Why was I ashamed you ask? I was/am ashamed because my Poor Sweet baby boy is circumcised. You can find me in the regrets sticky above. Here is the link to our story.

I was truly ignorant. I researched everything about prenatal nutrition and birth to death. The one thing I never looked up or even really thought about was circumcision.

I posted several months ago about the conversation I had with my MIL about circumcision. I was telling her how wrong it is, how painful, etc. I told her that after requesting Calen's hospital records I found out that they had given him no anesthesia. She then told me that she knew it hurt and she knew they didn't use anesthesia!







: I was furious with her! She KNEW they were going to cause horrible pain to her newborn grandson and she didn't tell me! WTF?

Fast forward to yesterday. DS started complaining that his penis hurt. I looked and the glans was red and a bit sore looking but nothing major. We went bare bottomed the rest of the day. Then at midnight last night he woke up screaming that his penis hurt. I went in to comfort him. I took off his diaper and looked and I nearly fell over. The glans was flaming red about halfway down. There is a sore covering the entire urethral meatus that looks like it has pus inside of it. He told me he couldn't pee. I looked at his glans again and realized that the sore had fused his meatus shut. It looked like a yellow scab over the end of his glans.

I put him in a baking soda bath and let him soak for awhile. Then I had to pull the sides apart to open his meatus again as it was still stuck together. He screamed, but he was able to urinate again. This morning it looks like he has a very bad ulcer on his glans and his meatus is fused shut by it again. He can pee only drops at a time. We are going to the pediatrician at 11:00.

MIL called this morning. I told her what was going on.
MIL:"Well if that Dr. had just circumcised him right to begin with he wouldn't be having these problems now."
Me rather coldly: "What do you mean?"
MIL: "Well his penis never has looked right."
Me: "What?"
MIL: "Well there is too much skin still there."
Me furious at this point: "No there is not too much skin there. He is lucky to still have what he has. It just doesn't look right to you because all the men from your generation were circumcised so tightly that they had no skin left. They know now that tight circs cause all sorts of problems and so they do loose circs now to prevent those problems."
MIL: "So he is having all of these problems now because they didn't cut enough skin off to prevent problems later."
Me: "You just don't get it do you? He wouldn't be having ANY problem right now if he was intact! If he still had his foreskin he never would have had #@&*#$* adhesions and he sure as heck wouldn't have a big ol sore on his glans right now! His foreskin would be protecting his glans. Do you get it now?"

I want to SCREAM! I thought I was protecting my little one when I let them do this horrible thing to him. Then I have to listen to my MIL and her comments. Why in the heck is she even thinking about whether his penis looks right or not?

So if anyone needs a good story for why NOT to circ my poor baby boy is that example.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I'm so sorry your MIL is a UA violation.

I hope your little boy feels better soon.

Thank you for sharing your story. I just passed it on to a friend due in October who hasn't decided yet.

-Angela


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## Papai (Apr 9, 2007)

:

I'm so glad you told your mother-in-law off. It BAFFLES me that complications of circ are met with a response that the circ wasn't done severely enough!







: How backward.


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## sophiekat (Oct 29, 2005)

: mama, don't beat yourself up too much. you did what you thought was best and now you can be such a powerful voice in educating others!
ignore your MIL, and i hope your little guy is better soon!


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## titania8 (Feb 15, 2007)

i am actually sitting here sobbing. i am so sorry.














i can't imagine having that conversation with anyone, let alone someone who is supposd to love and want to help you protect your baby. your heart must be hurting so much.









please, try not to be embarrased. we all understand that you know better now. i know WAY more now than i did when i was in the decision-making process. i spent more time researching what stroller to buy and what diapers i wanted to use.

i hope your baby heals quickly. he knows you love him. we know you love him and you will do the best for him.


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

I'm so sorry mama. Your humility amazes me though.








Don't continue to beat yourself up. You would never have done it had you known.







Your mil and my mil sound like they are members of the same ignoramus club.


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## Daisyuk (May 15, 2005)

So many boys get meatal ulcers like that, and the rate of meatal stenosis is about 10% of circ'd boys, it's the direct complication of circ that they like to forget to include in their "complication rates".

Your poor little boy, and what an appalling MIL you have.

*HUGS*







*HUGS*

It's outrageous that not only is this legal, but that so many do it without realising the damage it causes, doctors should be forced to provide TRULY informed consent forms and educate parents properly _before_ they go anywhere near the child with a clamp. It's not _your_ fault.


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I'm sorry.







Quick healing to your little guy!

Your MIL







:.


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## bluetoes (May 12, 2007)

. I am sorry this has happened to you. I am also sorry you MIL is being such a *insert worst meanest word you can think about that sort of person*. I would try to be diplomatic with her to keep family peace, and if that doesn't work you have permission to stand up for yourself and let loose on her.

Prayers for you little guys quick recovery!


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## glongley (Jun 30, 2004)

To CalenandEllasmom:

I just want to give you some hugs, and tell you how impressed I am with your courage and honesty about your experiences with your son's circumcision. So painful for you (and him) to go through, but you are so articulate about it now, I know you will take the real-life knowledge you have gained to make a huge difference for others.

I hope he heals up quickly.

With encouragement and warm support, Gillian


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## guestmama9908 (Jan 23, 2007)

We just got back from the pediatrician.

He has a meatal ulcer and meatitis. She even pointed out to me that they only see these in circumcised boys.

He is going to be on an oral antibiotic as well as a topical antibiotic for several days.

She said I am probably going to have to keep putting him in the bath and pulling the sore apart so that he can urinate.









She also said we need to keep an eye on this because it could cause scarring.

Thanks everybody for the support.


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## Mommiska (Jan 3, 2002)

I'm so so sorry...your story makes me want to cry.







I'm glad you told your MIL off too - what a UA violation.







:

Big hugs to you and your little guy - I hope he heals quickly.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I'm so sorry for your poor little boy, and for you, sweet mama.
I have one circumcised and two intact boys, but I have always been very open in sharing this fact. I think having had a circumcised son and then being brave enough to admit it was a mistake and then to go on and not circumcise future sons speaks volumes about the old adage "When you know better you do better."


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## pdx.mothernurture (May 27, 2004)

(((Hugs))), Momma.

It sounds like meatal stenosis. My stepson had it too. It's circumcision's most frequent complication. It has absolutely nothing to do with 'too much skin being left'. Meatal stenosis happens because the meatus (normally covered/protected by the foreskin) is exposed to urine, which can ulcerate it and lead to scarring.

Good article to show your clueless MIL:

http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic2356.htm

I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this; I can really hear your grief.

Jen


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## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

i am so sorry, and i hope your little sweetie is feeling better soon.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

I'm so so sorry for you and your little one







. Alot of





















to you.

I hope your baby heals soon.

And this is for your ignorant MIL


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## Papai (Apr 9, 2007)

Wow. I hope he gets better.


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## NamastePlatypus (Jan 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Daisyuk* 
So many boys get meatal ulcers like that, and the rate of meatal stenosis is about 10% of circ'd boys, it's the direct complication of circ that they like to forget to include in their "complication rates".

Your poor little boy, and what an appalling MIL you have.

*HUGS*







*HUGS*

It's outrageous that not only is this legal, but that so many do it without realising the damage it causes, doctors should be forced to provide TRULY informed consent forms and educate parents properly _before_ they go anywhere near the child with a clamp. It's not _your_ fault.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *glongley* 
To CalenandEllasmom:

I just want to give you some hugs, and tell you how impressed I am with your courage and honesty about your experiences with your son's circumcision. So painful for you (and him) to go through, but you are so articulate about it now, I know you will take the real-life knowledge you have gained to make a huge difference for others.

I hope he heals up quickly.

With encouragement and warm support, Gillian









:

I wish I was better with words but these moms saidit all. I can only imagian what you must feel and I just sad and cried for you. It is so frustrating I am sure but I am thinking about you both. As far as you mil, well, I don't want to get in trouble so I will stay quiet


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I'm so sorry. THat is really scary. I hope that your son recovers quickly.


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## De-lovely (Jan 8, 2005)

Big hugs for telling your story....peace and healing mama...


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## mommystinch (May 18, 2004)

I'm sorry


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

(((Hugs)))

Jessica


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## Eben'sMama (Jun 29, 2006)

You are such a strong woman and an amazing mama for telling your story. I'm so sorry your little sweetie is hurting, but you are doing a great job of not only helping him to heal physically, but protecting him from his grandmother's craziness at this stressful time. Good job, mama!


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## gargirl (Dec 30, 2006)

Oh man, poor kid! And poor mama! Don't beat yourself up love, we all make mistakes. *hugs*

My oldest is circumsized. I didn't know any better either.







His younger brothers are both intact because I was much better informed by then. My oldest had a mild issue once, but it was not bad, we were lucky.

Everyone here understands, we all do what we think is best based on the info we have at the time.

Be good to you, Mama.

I hope your little sweetie heals up really quickly.


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## dillonandmarasmom (May 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CalenandEllasmomma* 
.

Why was I ashamed you ask? I was/am ashamed because my Poor Sweet baby boy is circumcised. You can find me in the regrets sticky above. Here is the link to our story.

I was truly ignorant. I researched everything about prenatal nutrition and birth to death. The one thing I never looked up or even really thought about was circumcision. The only frame of reference I had in mind when I consented to the surgery was that my brother had been circumcised at age 2 for phimosis (A surgery I now believe was completely unnescessary).


Right there with you, mama. I am so sorry your little guy is going through such pain. What a terrible feeling you must have. Stay strong! major hugs your way!
Your MIL needs a swift kick!


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## zzwhitejd (Jul 5, 2005)

OH, I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. I thank God that my first was a girl so I knew better. My saga is chronicled here as well, and it was not an easy one... but well worth it. That is so OT though... sorry.
You are strong to post this, and as others have said should not feel guilty when you didn't know any better. We all have regrets and things we would change. I hope he heals really soon and doesn't have any more scarring.














s


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Circ aside, how can any grandmother say that their grandson's penis (or any other part of them) never looked right??? What a mean thing to say about a little boy!







(((hugs)))

Don't beat yourself up mama, lots of us didn't think a thing about circ till we came here, just lucky for us it was before the babies were born, that doesn't make anyone a better mother.


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## yokosmile (Apr 22, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your son's pain... and yours, too.

Something has GOT to change here. The AAP needs to acknowledge the dangers of circumcision so this madness stops NOW.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)




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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

to you and your son, mama.









When you feel up to it, you should write to the (UA violation) doctor who talked you into circ and let them know that you feel that they totally misled you about the harms of circumcision -- which have now happened to your son not only in the adhesions but also in the ulceration.







:

Actually, it may not be too late to sue him/her. This sounds like exactly the right kind of case where you were not informed -- and your son has suffered. If nothing else, I would take pictures of what's going on and get all the records together so that your son can sue his circumciser when he turns 18 and have the documentation to back him up.


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## 3kidsclmr (Apr 7, 2007)

Thank you for sharing your story, and hoping your little boy feels much better soon. I know how hard it is to feel so bad about a choice made in the past. I never imagined that a medical doctor would tell me it was o.k. to do something so damaging and horrific to my children. Your posts have helped me in my healing process, and bring me renewed strength to keep talking about the fact that circumcision is WRONG.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Quirky* 
Actually, it may not be too late to sue him/her. This sounds like exactly the right kind of case where you were not informed -- and your son has suffered...

Exactly! Plus he lied her about using ledocoin! Please please please sue thie UA violation doctor







: . Only when it hits his pocket he may consider stopping doing that!


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

I'm so sorry about the pain you and your little guy are going through.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

In the words of Maya Angelou, "When you know better, you do better."

It may help you to know that Marilyn Milos, who founded www.nocirc.org, circumcised her own sons. It was only later in life that she learned the truth about circ. She now has intact grandsons! You CAN make a difference. And make sure to post in the "Circumcised and Regret It" thread (a sticky at the top of CAC.)

You are the EXACT type of mama we are fighting for--one who would have made a difference choice had she only been informed. Join us in our fight here.

Also, I agree with Quirky that you should look into the possibility of suing the doctor who circ'd your son, or at least helping your son get his ducks in a row so he can sue at age 18. I'd contact Attorneys for the Rights of the Child. http://www.arclaw.org/


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

I'm sorry mama. I hope your son heals quickly and that you do as well. What a tough position to be in.


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## TigerTail (Dec 22, 2002)

i'm sorry, and will be praying for his healing. thank you for your courage.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

I'm so sorry.

As far as your MIL







: it's quite the opposite; the more skin is removed the more likely this is to happen or the more severe it is likely to be.

If you don't have it in you to bring a lawsuit, at least document and save everything so that your son can do it if he chooses.


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## trmpetplaya (May 30, 2005)

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your ds recovers quickly and doesn't require any further medical procedures to fix the problem







You didn't know any better and you truly thought that you were doing the best for your ds. Please don't beat yourself up about it! I would have serious issues with your MIL after that conversation in your OP too.

Keep us updated... best wishes! I have so much respect for those of you who circumcised your first son(s) and then left others intact and/or went on to educate other mamas







: You are an inspiration to me - it's such a hard thing to admit that you made a mistake about









love and peace.


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## ~FlyLady~ (Dec 8, 2006)

I hope your son recovers quickly... Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am from Australia and it's not done at all any more, most hospitals refuse to do it, if some religions chose to have it done, mostly middle eastern families, it is done from at the earliest age of 6 months, and they are put to sleep when it is done, as a side effect from this, when the babies reach six months, most parents have "forgotten" about it and never get it done. It is so hard for anyone to find a Dr to do it, I would say 99% of baby boys are now not circumsized. I have two boys and never ever was it mentioned, except when DH asked out of curiosity and they told him its not done any more.


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## gridley13 (Sep 3, 2004)

to you and your sweet boy. I hope he is feeling better and healing.


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## Microsoap (Dec 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~FlyLady~* 
I hope your son recovers quickly... Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am from Australia and it's not done at all any more, most hospitals refuse to do it, if some religions chose to have it done, mostly middle eastern families, it is done from at the earliest age of 6 months, and they are put to sleep when it is done, as a side effect from this, when the babies reach six months, most parents have "forgotten" about it and never get it done. It is so hard for anyone to find a Dr to do it, I would say 99% of baby boys are now not circumsized. I have two boys and never ever was it mentioned, except when DH asked out of curiosity and they told him its not done any more.

I'm sooooooooo happy to hear this in your country! It seems like in 1980 when the pediatric academies stopped recommending circumcision, the circ rate in Australia plunged quickly, but it took a lot longer to become the majority (of intact males) here in Canada, and is going even slower in the U.S., though progress IS being made!


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## babz (Jun 21, 2006)

I think it's interesting how people, esp. MILs, have opinions on stuff they know nothing about! We've only told a few people that we're leaving this one intact (male or female







). Mainly because we don't want to hear it from people who don't know what they're talking about.


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## eviesingleton (Jan 18, 2007)

: (all of it)


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## sewinmama (May 3, 2004)

Oh my! I'm so sorry for your son's suffering! I hope he is healing as well as possible.

When I had my dd, my intact then dh and I refused to sign the consent as part of the preadmission process. The lady insisted we take the consent home and think about it! What a bi***!

FF to today, I am divorced and my dp and I got pg. He is circ'ed and so are his 2 boys. I spent a lot of time trying to talk him out of it. Fortunately our baby was a girl (I don't believe her ears can be pierced until she begs for it and is at least 12, those babies with piercings make me ill or at least their mamas do) and unfortunately Chloe was born still.

If we do conceive again, I will insist he read your posts.

Thank you!


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