# I just woke up...



## ChesapeakeBorn (Jun 23, 2007)

...to what has happened. The past month and a half had been such a roller coaster. Watching the hCG rise and plateau, rise and plateau. Hope and despair, hope and despair. I became numb. I shut down. I birthed my baby in his/her sac at 8 weeks last Thursday. We buried our little one. I was numb. I just woke up. I was afraid to feel the pain that I knew all too well from my m/c in July. That hopeless sorrow. But I just woke up. I am sorry baby... that I couldn't carry you, that I couldn't properly say goodbye. Now my poor baby is in the ground, in the cold ground alone, in a small wooden box with "I love you" written in it, on a bed of soft pine needles, under a few small flowers, in the cold wet ground.


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

Wishing you peace.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I am so sorry.


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## happyhippiemama (Apr 1, 2004)

mama. love and light.


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## Eben'sMama (Jun 29, 2006)

So sorry for your pain and loss, mama. Take good care and I hope peace comes to you.


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## terrabella (Oct 19, 2005)




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## meredyth0315 (Aug 16, 2007)

Sending you lots of peace & hugs mama


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## heatherRN (Oct 18, 2006)

for your sweet baby


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## momoftworedheads (Mar 6, 2003)

Sending you love, peace and hugs mama.

I am so sorry.

Love and prayers,


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## KensJen (Dec 1, 2003)

I'm so sorry, mama. Your post really touched me. Be gentle with yourself.


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## WaturMama (Oct 6, 2006)

to you mama.

Lots of things about your little one's burial sound beautiful. It sounds like on some level you knew what you were doing.

When we buried our little one I got really obsessed about it being on a certain day and then it was getting dark and we got rushed, so I wasn't totally present. And though I did some things a way I liked, others I was not so happy with. I was pretty upset about that and about the cold ground, too.

I spoke to a dear friend the next day and she helped me see there were still things I could do to set things right. I did some of those things. I wanted to get a little stone heart with wings to put on the spot, but instead I found this small and mighty elephant statue and knew it was perfect. I loved the idea of it watching over the spot and still do.

I went back with just my dh a couple days later. (We'd had ds with us originally which was lovely in its own way, but also distracting.) We cleaned the area around the grave and surrounded it with stones. I put the elephant statue there and arranged other things we'd put there more neatly. We said some things we wanted to say and I remembered to keep my breathing slow this time. I also spent some time there myself. That all helped a lot even with the things I couldn't change. And I know I can still talk to my little one's spirit any time. It chose me for a while. We chose each other really.

I hope this story helps and you'll find what you need to do to give you more peace. Clearly (from your writing) this dear little one got some mama time with someone who loved him/her very much. All my good wishes to you.


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## Thompson'sMommy (Jul 15, 2006)

I'm so sorry Mamma. Welcome to heaven little one...


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## jeffsdear (Aug 21, 2007)

Hi Mama,
It sounds like you took good care of your little one... I'm sure he/she knows that you love him/her...
Wishing you peace and healing...


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

mama I wish I could say more to make the pain go away


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## ChesapeakeBorn (Jun 23, 2007)

Thank you for your kind words, and for sharing your stories, your thoughts. Praying for peace, comfort, and hope for all...


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## normajean (Oct 21, 2003)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

I'm so very sorry for your loss ... there are no words.


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