# toddler boys and 'private parts'



## Devaya (Sep 23, 2007)

With playing with genitals, I'm wondering when is the right time to start saying 'that's for private', 'you can do that by yourself but not in front of others' etc... a few of my friends have started doing that with their sons who are around the same age as mine (33 months). DS does it a lot, it doesn't bother me, and it's mostly at home when he likes to walk around without pants on at times.. it's not as if it's happening in the park or anything...so it feels a bit contrived to tell him not to do it in front of me when I don't feel uncomfortable with it. I'm really hesitant b/c I don't to contribute to any kind of shame or guilt around his body. I'm sure that happened to me as a child and I don't want to pass it on!

So, more experienced mamas, when did you find was the right age/stage to start talking about this topic? At the moment he has only a limited notion of what is 'private'...he's recently started shutting the bathroom door when he goes for a number two on the potty, but he'll still barge in on me or others on the toilet, and he couldn't seem to understand my attempts at conversation around 'mommy milk' being a private thing for home only... (he has excellent, ahead of his age, comprehension and verbal skills). Any input please...


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Just after potty training age I would say... If you want to play with your penis you need to go to the bathroom or your bed room. My boys (were) are naked alot during toddler hood. I dont make a big deal about it. It happens its natural. Usually mine would fiddle with theirs when they were quite like watching tv, looking at a book etc.

I never use the term private parts we were/are always specific. We call them penis and testicles.


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## Devaya (Sep 23, 2007)

My son has potty trained recently (it's been about 3 weeks)...And I do use specific terms, was just saying 'private parts' on here in case I offended someone.

So would you say they had to be alone, then? Or just go to the bathroom or bedroom (even if you were in it). If you know what I mean.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

I avoided telling them they couldnt play with their penis. I would just tell them we didnt play with our penis in the living room. Penis play was only for the bathroom or their bedroom. 99% of the time they just removed their hand because they didnt want to move.









Usually it was at quiet time watching a video with mine.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

we just started saying "if you want to play with your penis its something you do alone in your room/bathroom etc" ds will be 3 in a week and a half.

Now he'll say, "I'm going in my room to be alone and play with my penis!!!" He also told me in the bathtub the other day, "I'm going to play with my penis until the red thing comes out, I'm pretending its a chameleon" I just said "okay, I'm reading a magazine" as if we were just sharing what we were doing at that moment.


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tbone_kneegrabber* 
"I'm going to play with my penis until the red thing comes out, I'm pretending its a chameleon"

My son is 3 and recently fully retractable and he can't quite grasp that the "red thing" is just another part of his penis. It doesn't help that his sister chases him around asking to see the thing inside. We now encourage him to seek privacy and let dd know that his penis is just for him.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

My daughter is just over two and she can tell you quite clearly, "I should only play with my vulva and vagina in my room or the bath tub." There's no shaming involved at all. It's just like how we go potty in the bathroom and not in the living room. So I consider it a conversation to start rather early.


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## MovnMama (Jul 3, 2009)

Our DS just turned 3 and we do most of what pp have said - bathroom and bedroom are okay. There's no shame and people do play with their genitals (don't we all? Come on, people!) but they don't do it while sitting on the couch with friends (well, maybe just _one_ special friend







).

At any rate, you don't play with your genitals when you're watching a video with them, do you? So why not ask for reciprocal behavior? We do that with other requests (i.e. we speak in a respectful tone to our son, and we ask that he use a respectful tone with us, yk...) just my two cents.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

DS is 3 1/2 and I haven't started that discussion yet. If he was doing it in really public situations, I might. But I think he's too young to have his attention drawn to it, especially since I'm not actually uncomfortable with him doing it at home.

I did get a little squirmy about it right after he stopped wearing diapers during the day. For a week or two he played with it CONSTANTLY. It was like his all-consuming passion for a short time, like he'd just discovered his long-lost best friend. But the novelty wore off, and now he's only doing it sometimes, and I'm okay with that.

My DD1 will be six in a few weeks, and had a masturbation habit as a toddler. I started talking to her about privacy when she was ready to start school. I knew that in a classroom setting, if she started doing that, it would be uncomfortable for the teacher and potentially could cause trouble with DD's peers noticing.


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## Lilypie32 (Aug 19, 2008)

I started telling my son to go to his bedroom once he was potty trained. The only reason I did this was because we lived with 2 other family members who did not want to see him touching himself on the living room couch. I only use the proper body part names when we talk about them and he could say penis before most other words.







On a funny note, when he plays with his penis he says he is "wiggling his penis." Cracks me up!


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