# What would you do if you suspected your pediatrician of being a pedophile?



## ProtectingThem (May 7, 2013)

In the past year we recently switched our family to a new pediatrics practice that is closer to where we live. In many ways it is ideal--close by, AP-friendly (for a pediatrics practice), friendly staff, great hours, their willingness to work with us on an alternative vax schedule. There are 4 pediatricians at this practice: 3 female, 1 male. We happened to get put with the male doctor on our first visit and have since stayed with him to keep our children's care consistent. However, we have noticed some red flags popping up at our visits.

Before I discuss what exact things are bothering me, please be forewarned that there probably will be some stereotyping here (I personally believe that stereotyping may be a good protective mechanism). On all of these points I can find reasons beyond pedophilia, but it's so hard to know what the truth is. We also have the complication that we love this practice as a whole and worked very hard finding one that would accommodate us in our selective/delayed vaccination schedule. Of all the physicians at this practice, the one we are using is the most lenient and understanding in this regard. However, my children's health and well-being take precedence over any feelings of loyalty we have.

I've been reading up on pedophilia and have learned a lot. What I've learned is this: Pedophilia, like heterosexuality or homosexuality, is an orientation, albeit an anti-social one. It is incurable. Also, a pedophile can be oriented one way in regard to adults and also be differently oriented toward children (and by that I mean that you can be homosexual as an adult male and as a pedophile be into 8-year-old girls). Psychologists believe that something goes wrong neurologically during critical points of a child's development that cause him to orient in this way. Pedophiles are almost always middle-aged men. Often times they are people you'd never expect--leaders in the community, scout leaders, coaches, teachers, youth pastors, or professionals. They usually choose occupations or hobbies that put them in close, regular contact with children--you know, like pediatrics. They tend to have huge caches of child pornography in their possession. People are usually shocked if the pedophile is ever discovered, and tend to react with statements like, "But he was just the friendliest person!". They are good at knowing how to manipulate people's feelings of trust so that they let their guards down. Pedophiles rationalize what they do in ways that prevent them from seeing it as "wrong." They tend to refer to children in supra-human terms like angels, innocent, heavenly, divine, etc. I mention all of this so that as you read my list below you can keep these characteristics in mind.

Here is what I know of our pediatrician, which is based upon the introduction on our practice's website for when he joined the practice, as well as from his FB page (which I totally stalked), and from conversations:

1) He's an actively-partnered homosexual, around age 50

2) He has a daughter (I don't know if this is a biological daughter or an adopted daughter)

3) He's eccentric (e.g., he likes vintage clothing) and has some unusual hobbies (like he and his partner are BIG into beauty pageants. Our dr. even acts as judge on the Miss America circuit. Both of them attended the Miss America pageant this year and had their pictures taken with former Miss Americas. I have to admit that I find this odd.)

4) He attended the same medical school as a pediatrician who was arrested a few years back for 400+ counts of sexual assault on minors in his pediatrics office. Our pediatrician graduated from that same medical school 5 years after the arrested pediatrician graduated, so they probably never had contact, but knowing this still doesn't alleviate my worries that there was some sort of contact through professional conferences or alumni association meetings or something.

So, that's the background. Here are some snippets of things that have bothered both me and my husband in our contact with him which began last summer. (Our daughter is 7 years old):

1. At our initial, introductory visit as soon as he walked into the exam room, he stopped, looked at our daughter and said repeatedly, "Wow. You are just gorgeous!". This was before he even said hello to us. It wasn't just once, but at least 3 or 4 times. Our daughter, who is very shy and modest, just sort of looked at me for help, and I made some sort of joke like, "Oh, she must take after me!" or something, to get us out of that bizarre conversational loop. After that, I didn't bring our daughter to his office for a while even though we were taking our son in for infant well-visits every few weeks.

2. A few months later I had to bring our daughter to one of our son's well-visits and while we were waiting for the dr. to come in she was singing in the exam room (she loves to sing--well, our whole family does choral singing--and our pediatrician is also big into choral singing, which is one reason we liked him). When he came in he said he had heard her singing then asked if she would sing for him, which she did. Later that same night we got a phone call and it was our pediatrician calling to thank our daughter for singing for him. He said that he couldn't get her voice out of his head that whole day and that it reminded him of why he went into pediatrics. At another appointment we found out through one of the nurses that he refers to our daughter as the "one with the voice of an angel." Initially I thought it was sweet that he called to thank her in the evening, but in retrospect I do find it strange. I asked my husband afterward if the dr. had asked to speak to our daughter specifically or if my husband had offered. The way he remembered the conversation going was that the doctor sort of hinted that he wanted to talk to our daughter with a phrase like, "I wish I could just thank your daughter for singing for me today," and then my husband put her on the phone because she happened to be nearby.

3. At another visit, the dr. went to examine our daughter and she was acting very shyly and his response was, said in a laughing sort of way, "I would never hurt you, honey." At the time I thought that was a strange thing to say because no one said anything about the idea of being afraid of being hurt. Most doctors we've seen just sort of try and do a few ice-breakers to get our daughter to loosen up or else they just do their best to examine her and are direct in asking her to do the things they need her to do, like relax her jaw muscles or breathe deeply, etc. I mentally noted that it was strange the way that he brought up the idea of being "hurt." Also, sometimes children do get hurt at the dr.'s office--like shots. It's untruthful to say that she would never get hurt there. Most doctors are acutely aware of this.

4. At another appointment he asked if he could record our daughter singing on his personal I-phone. My husband and I kind of looked at each other in bewilderment but felt guilty if we didn't say yes so we agreed. She sang two songs which he recorded on his personal phone.

5. He deliberately touched her hair on multiple occasions. I noticed this at the same appointment that is mentioned in point #4. I saw him deliberately stroke her ponytail not once but twice during the visit--not back-to-back either but spread out. I mentioned this to my husband afterward because it bothered me at the time. We went to an appointment just last week and while our daughter was being weighed on the scale by the nurse our dr. walked by in the hallway, reached out, and stroked her ponytail before continuing walking down the hall.

6. In at least 75% of the visits we've had with our pediatrician he has talked about how absolutely beautiful our daughter is, and he seems very interested in her current hobbies and infancy, even though most of our visits are well-visits for our son. He doesn't ask in ways that seem very out-of-place but he does ask leading questions that encourage us to talk about her. At the same time I also love talking about her so I very well may have just taken off when asked a few questions. In retrospect it is difficult to remember.

7. He has a YouTube account that I accidentally stumbled upon while Google searching for his email address in order to send him an email. I happened to notice his favorites playlist, which he has set for public viewing (there is a private option), and it listed a handful of random videos, one of which is pretty clearly homosexual erotica. We are a very openly anti-porn family, but even laying ethics aside I find this odd for someone in a public profession like pediatric medicine since he is easily searchable on the internet (he has a very unusual last name) and has a professional image to keep up.

8. Just yesterday we had a visit for our daughter because she had gotten slightly injured, and after the initial conversation which was started off again by, "Wow. You are just beautiful!," I noticed that he made more eye contact with her than with me for much of the visit. I noticed because she kept looking at me because she felt awkward. He also would occasionally poke her knee in a teasing sort of way. Also, our initial conversation started off by discussing YouTube and I happened to mention as a way to segway into talking about our daughter and her injury that she had helped me make a YouTube video recently. He then wanted to know all about it, even though it was an instructional video for how to put a child's hair into a bun for ballet. He then proceeded to ask how he could find it on YouTube. That definitely gave off a "weird" vibe to me--what does a middle-aged man need to know about doing a ballet bun? To me, the common social response would be something along the lines of expressing polite but shallow interest (because it makes no sense for him to want to know the details) and then moving on to the examination. This was the response I expected. When I mentioned the video to begin with I only did so out of polite chit-chat. I had no idea he'd want to see it. Needless to say I have since restricted access to this video until I decide what to do. We also talked about an upcoming recital that my daughter has and he said he wanted us to video it so he could see it later.

9. At a previous visit our daughter talked about how she loves to do ballet and how she is going to be in the Nutcracker next winter. The doctor's response was, "Oh, I am going to be on the front row!" Maybe this was just a way of showing enthusiasm but still, it's odd. Most people would say something like, "Oh, wow. How fun!" and move on. It's odd that he would act like he was going to see it.

Re-reading all of these I can think of some benign possibilities along with sinister ones. What if he is just a gay fellow who appreciates physical female beauty in a platonic way? What if he is just socially awkward? What if he is just very touchy-feely but in a non-sexual way? What if he just really appreciates talent in children?

So, now that you know my situation, what are your thoughts? Should we switch our daughter to a different pediatrician within the practice? Leave the practice altogether? Do you think I'm being paranoid and that this guy is probably a little odd but fine? I don't know. My gut instinct, which I trust, says that we need to be on our guard, that there is something amiss. It bothers me that, being a physician, so much of our family's information (like our address and phone number) is easily accessible for him.

The hard part is that besides this (and I know this sounds strange putting this big metaphorical "but" in here) I actually like this doctor. He shares many of our family's personal interests, like choral music and natural medicine. He knows all about MDC and kellymom. He is hesitant about vaccines and agrees easily to our alternative vax schedule. He likes Dr. Sears. I don't know. If it weren't for this weirdness, I would truly love him. And, he's one of the friendliest people I've ever met.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I'd put him in the odd but fine circle.


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## purplerose (Dec 27, 2010)

This is a hard one! Some thoughts crossed my mind...

Some of the things you listed just sound like a flamboyant gay man. Some of them sound like he is also one of those people who try to "bring out" a shy person, such as your daughter. Some people just can't let shy people alone and feel they must help them come out of their shell. I don't know about the constantly touching her hair, I mean he is a professional and should know better than to be really touchyfeely with children that seem to not like it. I am touchyfeely myself but I would know not to if the child/adult seemed standoffish about it.

Lastly, have you ever been around someone's child and you just felt some attachment? Not really attachment, but you felt the child was really special? I had a friend years ago whose daughter reminded me so much of one of my older daughters and I just loved being around her. She was the cutest little kid ever(besides my own! lol) Maybe your daughter reminds him of his daughter at that age, or his sister at that age, or something.

These are just some reasons I could come up with why he would behave the way he does for innocent reasons. Being gay, having a child, being into beauty pageants, absolutely are not red flags IMO. Those other things altogether make it seem weird, but it could be innocent. You should follow your instinct, and I'm wondering what your daughter thinks? How old is she, old enough to explain if she does not want to be around him?


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## pek64 (Apr 8, 2012)

Your daughter is feeling uncomfortable. You are feeling uncomfortable. He *is* behaving inappropriately. Recording her voice so he can listen to it at will. Pushing for permission for things. The more I read, the more it seems that he is increasing his behavior. That's what they do. Start small, get you to accept a low level of discomfort, then increase it. That way, you are only ever feeling slightly more uncomfortable than before, and when it's abuse you are clueless as to how it got to that point.

What if I'm wrong? That's the question most people get stuck on. So, you're wrong. I'm right there with you, if that makes you feel better. Would you rather be wrong with another pediatrician, or find out you're right after your daughter's been abused?


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

His behaviour is innappropriate. Whether you want to tell him to knock it off or file a report against him is up to you. He could be grooming her or he could just be eccentric and seriously lacking in understanding boundries. First image that came to my head was the Martin Short character on Father of the Bride. Either way, he is making your daughter uncomfortable, so switching seems like the best idea. Under no circumstances would I allow a child to be left alone with him.


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

He doesn't give me the harmful-vibe. More a talent scout for "toddler tiara" type. Not my thing and I would probably switch to another doctor in that practice


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

There's no reason not to switch. Your DD doesn't seem very comfortable around him, so whether that's for nefarious or innocent reasons, I wouldn't want my kid to have to see a doctor s/he was uncomfortable around. They need to be able to talk to and open up to their health care provider -- this one doesn't sound like a good fit for her.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mtiger*
> 
> I'd put him in the odd but fine circle.


I have to agree with this. Nothing you mention raises a red flag for me but if your daughter is uncomfortable then why not just switch all future visits to another doctor in the practice or find a new office. Her feelings are definitely something to take into account.


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## Mosaic (Jun 20, 2005)

At first, I felt that you were perhaps overreacting and a bit judgemental/overly-stereotyping. But after reading everything, I got a weird vibe, too. I agree with those that say it's possible he's just a character. But calling you and home and wanting to record her voice, etc? Even characters need to tone it down in professional environments, imo. I do feel as though some professional boundaries have been crossed here.

So while I wouldn't throw accusations around, I would find a new ped I'm more comfortable with if I were you.

Edited for typos.


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## erinsmom1996 (Apr 9, 2006)

I think he sounds like he is a little eccentric but I would not go so far as to assume he is a pedophile. From what you said, that sounds like quite a leap. If you are not comfortable with him, change doctors. I would be careful about discussing your suspicions with others in your community because you don't want to potentially ruin his reputation just based on a hunch.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

He makes you and your daughter uncomfortable and that's enough to change doctors. There could be a million reasons that none of this adds up to anything (although having erotica on his personal public youtube account is a...strange choice for a pediatrician) but if you're uncomfortable, none of those reasons matters.

My daughter's doctor always reassures her when she's uncomfortable by reminding her I'm there and telling her to always trust her instincts - if someone makes her uncomfortable, she should tell an adult. If he is making her uncomfortable, he involves me in whatever they're doing and AGAIN tells her about good touch/bad touch and even a doctor should not touch her if her mother/father isn't in the room and she can always ask questions if she doesn't understand what's about to happen. THAT is how you handle an nervous child, not by plowing over their feelings with shallow compliments and vague assurances.

I would leave the practice, personally, as it's just too hard to stay in a practice once you jump doctors. It would also make it possible for me to write a letter to the other doctors in the practice (anonymously) and list all the things that made me nervous. I would NOT want to ruin someone's life or career over "a feeling" but I do think if something were going on, I'd never forgive myself for not saying something. At the very least, someone needs to tell him that all the compliments and touching are not comforting as (hopefully) intended, but creepy, and also people have found his erotica stash and no one wants to think about their pediatrician's erotica stash so put that on private.


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## Mama Ana (Jun 12, 2011)

If I were in your shoes and I could see my child being uncomfortable, it would be enough for me to switch. I personally believe that a person should 110% comfortable with their doctor so they can open up and talk when they need to. A few of the things you mentioned, are definitely odd. I don't know if I would peg him as a pedophile though, maybe since he does pageants he's just really focused on looks & talent? I don't know, I don't know but because you aren't comfortable with him I would say switch. I would also write a letter and express your concerns, you could do it anonmyously like a PP mentioned. Maybe he's not even aware he is crossing a line?


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## TinyMama (Sep 4, 2007)

Well, your title says "What would you do if you suspected your pediatrician of being a pedophile?" so I have to tell you what I'd do--I'd never, ever, ever give him access to my children ever again.

Not saying that I'd call the cops or anything, because it doesn't sound like you have anything that could be considered evidence. But a suspicion/creepy feeling would be enough for me. Asking that question would be the red flag.

Just my 2 cents.


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## MichelleZB (Nov 1, 2011)

He's probably just a really weird guy who's obsessed with old musicals. If it's not tolerable to you, switch doctors. But if it is, keep him, and just don't let your children alone with him (when would that happen, anyway?) just to be safe.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I'd switch doctors as both you and your daughter are uncomfortable with his behaviour (I'd be uncomfortable, too, fwiw).

However...he honestly strikes me as being way too blatant to be a pedophile. The level of focus on your daughter, recording her, calling you at home, etc. are all things that most pedophiles would realize would bring on negative attention.

And, honestly...is your daughter unusually gorgeous and/or blessed with a particularly beautiful voice? Some people just don't always know when to quit with the compliments. I know I have one friend who is frequently subjected - by me - to probably excessive levels of "he's so cute!", because her youngest is just a doll (personality and appearance wise). Some personalities find the idea of dialing down the compliments to be really alien, yk?


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## ProtectingThem (May 7, 2013)

Thank you so much to everyone who responded. I am still hashing all of this out mentally but I have greatly benefited from the variety of perspectives here. Thanks again!


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ProtectingThem*
> Here is what I know of our pediatrician, which is based upon the introduction on our practice's website for when he joined the practice, as well as from his FB page (which I totally stalked), and from conversations:
> 
> 1) He's an actively-partnered homosexual, around age 50
> ...


None of the above strikes me as even a little bit relevant. Particularly the last one. Hundreds of pediatricians have to have graduated from that medical school, just during those five years, and yes, they probably ran into each other at conferences, and in job interviews, and generally all over the place, because medicine is a big profession, but talking to other doctors is considered vital to building and maintaining your skill set. So they'd probably met, because they'd both probably met all the doctors in their specialty who worked within a 100 mile radius of their practice.

The other stuff: Maybe he's just a pageant judge who uses "you're gorgeous!" as his standard opening line. Maybe he's just a pageant judge who likes your daughter's singing. The fact I think you should be paying the biggest attention to is that you're not comfortable with him, or the interactions between him and your daughter. That's all you need as a reason to find a new pediatrician. Don't second guess that


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## Alenushka (Jul 27, 2002)

He is odd, but ...many odd people are not pedophiles and vice versa. Actually, majority of pedos appear totally normal and parents love them.

Your doc sounds like a flamboyant gay man to men who also needs to develop better professional boundaries.

But none of that matter. If you feel uncomfortable and your entire family does, switch the practice.


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

I dont think hes a pedo but he definitely sounds like hes "too much". I think hes just an eccentric gay man who likes beauty and singing. He is also probably trying to help your daughter feel comfortable, not realizing hes making things worse. You could try having a private conversation with him about it, letting him know that your daughter and yourself would prefer it if he toned it down a little with the beauty comments, the touching and whatever else. Hes probably a reasonable person, doesnt mean anyone harm, and also doesnt realize hes going overboard. Unless you bring it up he wont know. I say give him a chance, see if he'll change after you speak to him about it, if not you could always switch doctors.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *fruitfulmomma*
> 
> His behaviour is innappropriate. Whether you want to tell him to knock it off or file a report against him is up to you. He could be grooming her or he could just be eccentric and seriously lacking in understanding boundries. First image that came to my head was the Martin Short character on Father of the Bride. Either way, he is making your daughter uncomfortable, so switching seems like the best idea. Under no circumstances would I allow a child to be left alone with him.


I don't know if he is grooming or not, but I agree his attention seems beyond what is normal, and I'd set some firm boundaries. But if having to do that would make you uncomfortable, maybe it would be easier to change doctors. As she gets older, she may not have to see him often, I almost never take my kids to the doctor anymore. But, still, you want someone you not only like, but who you can trust to be professional. It sounds like he is enamored of her or some aspects of her character, so even if it's not sexual, it's still not "healthy" attention.


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## myra1 (Jan 20, 2013)

He is likely just unprofessional, but I agree if your daughter is uncomfortable AT ALL she should not see him. You could talk to the office manager so that he can be tactfully made aware of how he is being percieved, or you could just request a female only for your daughter. He wouldnt be offended. Once kids, boys or girls, get older, i personally prefer female peds anyway. Also as mentioned you wont need to take her in as much as the baby.


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## Asiago (Jul 1, 2009)

I think you'll gain a helpful (to say the least) perspective if you read The book 'Protecting the Gift' by Gavin De Becker for this situation with the Ped and others in the future. The author's bottom line is, as a mother you are given an instinct about protecting your child that no one else has quite the same, listen to it. Even in the event you are incorrect about this specific person, it is better safe than sorry. I understand how difficult it is to find a vax flexible Ped but I do think in this case your instinct is speaking loud and clear.
The link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0440509009/ref=redir_mdp_mobile


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

It doesn't matter whether he's really a pedophile (well, it does, but not in terms of whether you should change doctors). He makes you and your daughter uncomfortable. I'd switch to a different doctor in the practice or switch practices altogether.

I used to work for a doctor's office when I was in high school. He was very nice, a very good doctor, but I didn't use him b/c I worked for him. When I started college, he had taken on a business partner and since I trusted his judgment, I started using his partner as my PCP. He was SUCH a nice guy, all the nurses and office staff and patients loved him and were so happy to have two great doctors in the practice. He was not at all how you describe your kids' doctor, although I never knew much about his personal life beyond that he was homosexual and had a long-term partner. He was just NICE. And then shortly after I had an appointment with him, he was gone. A teenaged boy accused him of inappropriate touching, and then came several more accusations from boys ranging in age from 8 to teens. I was horrified. No one in the office could believe it was true, but he was asked to leave while the investigation was going on, and he finally admitted to being a pedophile and never came back.

So you never know, and you don't always have a weird vibe or gut feeling to back you up. If you are having one, follow it, regardless of how likely you are to be right.


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## ocelotmom (Jul 29, 2003)

For most of this, I'm inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. The YouTube channel i'd just assume he didn't know was so easy to find, for example.

However, I would report the stuff that was relevant to his practice - him recording her is definitely overstepping professional boundaries and quite possibly violating HIPAA. He and his practice need to know that this is happening and not appropriate.

I also agree that if your daughter is uncomfortable with him you should switch, at least for her, regardless of whether he has any bad intentions.


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## ocelotmom (Jul 29, 2003)

To expand a little on my answer from last night...

You are not doing this doctor a favor by not addressing this. Maybe it is totally innocent - he's old enough that he likely went through med school back in the good old days when HIPAA didn't exist and people were less paranoid in general. If so, he needs to know that times have changed and he's crossing boundaries before someone less concerned about him personally goes and reports it to CPS or something.

And if he is a pedophile, you aren't doing the community (or, in the big scheme of things, the doctor himself) any favors by not addressing it. This is how repeat offenders get away with it - parents observant enough to suspect/know something is up don't do anything for fear of hurting the offender.

Send a letter to the practice explaining that you are switching doctors because you and your child are uncomfortable with this doctor, and describe the things that happened between the doctor and your daughter. Just tell what happened, with specific dates if possible - don't speculate, don't include things from his personal life.

If he's just a music enthusiast, he will hopefully get the wakeup call he needs. If he's more than that, you're helping stop him.


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## Lazurii (Apr 1, 2011)

I wouldn't be comfortable with a doctor that acted this way. Is he a pedophile? I don't know. But I do know that I wouldn't want to teach my daughter that she should ignore that "uncomfortable" feeling just because she's with a person of a authority.


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## jmarroq (Jul 2, 2008)

I think it's incredibly inappropriate that he called you at home and spoke to her on the phone. I also think he crossed another huge boundary by asking to record her voice for his personal use. I can't believe I am the only one who thinks this is way out of line.

Even if that stuff didn't happen, he is stillI too touchy feely....and a bit unprofessional. I think that alone would annoy me after a while.


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## 2babies2kidsmom (Feb 15, 2013)

He sounds like a total weirdo. I would switch asap.


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

I was done with the guy by like item 3 or 4 on your list. I hope you are teaching your daughter about trusting her instincts, and if so, it would be doing her a disservice to ever bring her back around a person who makes her so uncomfortable.


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## KarmasLilHelper (Mar 2, 2013)

I have no idea if this guy is harmless or not. It's hard to say based on what you wrote. However, if I distrusted my child's pediatrician and felt the need to cyber-stalk them to validate my feelings and instincts, I'd be looking for another doctor.


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## slpj (May 17, 2013)

That doctor's behavior is incredibly disturbing. Stroking your daughter's ponytail is very inappropriate. Recording your daughter's voice and talking to your daughter on the phone is also very inappropriate. All of the aspects of his behavior are inappropriate. And he went to med school with a sex offender. Many people that are involved in beauty pageants are pervs. He is a creep. Not to mention he made your daughter uncomfortable. The fact that he made her uncomfortable is another given! I would not take her back to this man for any more checkups. Switch to a different doctor if you want to protect her. He will not be offended. Do not feel bad about switching. You do not need to be polite to creeps.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *jmarroq*
> 
> I think it's incredibly inappropriate that he called you at home and spoke to her on the phone. I also think he crossed another huge boundary by asking to record her voice for his personal use. I can't believe I am the only one who thinks this is way out of line.that alone would annoy me after a while.


I don't think you are, I am not getting the feeling at all from what is written here that you are the only one. But I'm glad you have spoken up.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I think if he's making you and your daughter feel uneasy, there is a reason for it... and you should listen. I also think it'd be really easy to just excuse his (inappropriate and unprofessional) behavior because he's gay and eccentric, and that is unwise. I'd find a new doctor.


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

It does sound to me like a flamboyant, socially-awkward gay man who is into pageants and has a daughter of his own. I can see lots of reasons why he acts the way he does, human beings are weird, why does this seem to be such a foreign idea? I do not know, but I would switch because if you have to ask, then I think you already know the answer, you are uncomfortable and there has to be a better fit. The new doctor will be a weirdo in their own way, but hopefully they will be your kind of weirdo!

LOL, good luck!


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## dauphinette (Nov 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *slpj*
> 
> That doctor's behavior is incredibly disturbing. Stroking your daughter's ponytail is very inappropriate. Recording your daughter's voice and talking to your daughter on the phone is also very inappropriate. All of the aspects of his behavior are inappropriate. And he went to med school with a sex offender. Many people that are involved in beauty pageants are pervs. He is a creep. Not to mention he made your daughter uncomfortable. The fact that he made her uncomfortable is another given! I would not take her back to this man for any more checkups. Switch to a different doctor if you want to protect her. He will not be offended. Do not feel bad about switching. You do not need to be polite to creeps.


Also. I have to say that I am a very touchy feely person, I love kids and am absent mindedly affectionate towards them, things like stroking hair don't seem like red flags to me on their own. If the doctor were a woman would that seem weird? I am just asking. I think I fit a lot of the abstract characteristics outlined by the OP in the original post, things like calling children endearing terms like angels etc., I'm eccentric, I have a daughter and I have possibly what could be considered unusual hobbies. I feel like it is more about the vibe the OP is getting off this person than it is one action or another...


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## LLQ1011 (Mar 28, 2012)

Yeah I don't think he is a pedophile but I do think he makes you and your family uncomfortable and that should be enough to switch. I think it probably has more to do with her shy personality that he is trying to smother with niceness. My experience is that child molesters are usually much more secretive, quiet and want alone time with the child. But that doesn't mean she should continue to see him.

Also the him going to school with a molester is not a good indicator as somewhere around 1 in 20 men will molest a child.


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## anj_rn (Oct 1, 2009)

The behavior is definitely abnormal for a pediatrician, but you have not set any boundaries either, so he might have no idea how you feel. If you are uncomfortable, I would switch to one of the female doctors and say your daughter has voiced that she would be more comfortable with one of the female doctors.


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## intentionalmama (Aug 23, 2008)

I highly recommend also that you read the book Protecting the Gift by Gavin De Becker. It really is about listening to our intuition. If it was me, and I had any concern about my child's doctor in this way, we would not continue to have him as our children's doctor. I would hope that I would not care what others thought, but followed my own intuition.. It is also a valuable lesson for the child in modelling listening to one's own intuition/instincts.

Lesley


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