# Leaving Toddler with Trusted Family Members For A Week



## ~Quse~ (Aug 8, 2004)

Hi,

I have the oppurtunity to leave my dd with my mom, dad, and sisters for the week after Xmas while dh and I go to the mountains. I've left her with them for a weekend and she did great. My parents would take good care of her and they would love to have her.

We have been planning to take dd with us but we are staying in one room at a very isolated folk school and it will be very cold outside. I'm concerned that keeping her entertained might be difficult. Also, it would be nice to have a whole week for couple time. But I would miss dd a lot!

Has anyone left their toddler this long before? Any experiences or advice you would like to share?

Thanks,
Vivianna


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## kerc (May 9, 2002)

i just wimped out on leaving my dd with my dh for about 5 days! eek!! Although if I had a similar situation I would probably go for it. In my case it was a week's business trip and my dh was staying home.

On taking her with -- we have loads of good fun in the snow with my dd (who is 2 but was 11 months when the snow began falling last year). Warm clothes do great things for toddlers.


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## springbabes (Aug 23, 2003)

I say go for it! It's good to get time away and she'll have fun with her grandparents. I left my girls with my parents for 5 days when DD2 was 17 months and I have no regrets. DH and I had a great time doing "adult" activities and reconnecting. Think of it as a great way for DD to bond with your parents too.


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## slightly crunchy (Jul 7, 2003)

Hmmm, that is an awfully long time for one so young. She will miss you terribly, even if she doesn't show it the whole time.

Any way to leave her for just a couple of days so you can have couple time, and then have your parents bring her up? You didn't say how far away you'd be, so don't know if that's an option.


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## mackinsiesmom (Apr 3, 2004)

I would take your parents up on the offer. I have left my dd twice and she was fine each time. The first time was for 5 days when I had surgery and the second was for a week exactly when me and DH went to a wedding in Canada. I was worried the second time but she fine. She loved being there and my sister helped out a lot. Me and DH enjoyed the time together. It was a time that we needed to reconnect with each other. Some of my greatest childhood memories and stories are when I stayed with my grandparents.


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## ~Quse~ (Aug 8, 2004)

We will be 5 hrs. away. We will probably work it out so there is the option of meeting half way after 3 or 4 days if things aren't going so well.


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## ~Nikki~ (Aug 4, 2004)

I think that at this age, it'd be fine to leave her. They really don't have a good concept of time at this age, so chances are she won't even realize you were gone for that long.







I haven't left my daughter that long, but would definitely consider leaving her with my MIL and FIL if a vacation presented itself. She loves them so much, that I know she'd enjoy every moment of her time there.


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## lexbeach (Mar 6, 2002)

Well my toddlers (also born 02/03) certainly wouldn't be able to handle my absence for that extended amount of time, but they are still nursing and cosleeping, and I've never left them for more than 4 hours. I must say that a week seems to me like a really long time for a one-year-old to be without mama, but of course I am projecting my own parenting philosophies onto your family. You know your family a lot better than I do!

I remember reading in a child development book that it is developmentally appropriate to leave your child for one night for each year of the child's age. So, you could leave a 1-year-old for one night, a two-year-old for two nights, and a six-year-old for six nights. Of course, all of this would depend on the individual child, but that is what the "typical" child can handle.

You know your dd best, so you probably have a pretty good idea about how much she could tolerate. I would also consider how you would be feeling to be away from her for such a long time. Would you be able to relax and really enjoy yourself? Some friends of ours recently left their 12-month-old twin girls for four nights while they went on their honeymoon. The girls did okay, but the parents were a wreck, and said that they really regretted leaving their babies. In their situation, they were flying across the country, so they couldn't just come back home. You won't be so far away that you couldn't change your mind part-way through the vacation.

If you do decide to leave her, you should expect there to be an adjustment period upon your return while you and your dd get back in synch with each other. She may be more clingy, and have a harder time saying goodbye for a while.

Good luck making this decision!


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## cj'smommy (Aug 14, 2003)

I asked about this once here and got flamed pretty bad for wanting to leave him, I hope that doesn't happen to you.

We left Connor for 6 days when he was about 18 months old. The first half of the week he was with my mom and the rest of the time he was with Jim's mom. They both live close to us so he sees them all the time (at least once a week) so he was familiar with having them watch him. They came and stayed at our house so his surroundings were at least the same and they stuck to his routine too which I think was really important.

They both told us he did really well. He ate fine, slept fine, etc. The only thing that would get him was when the answering machine would come on (it was recorded in my voice) he'd look around for me but wouldn't get upset. We got home and it was like we never left. He didn't run up to us for hugs and kisses, he was a bit stand offish for an hour or so but then we were back to normal. I think it just freaked him out that we were all of a sudden home. I know he missed me, but I my mom and MIL did such a good job with him that I think he still felt secure and loved.

I think that with Connor it would be harder to leave him now (at almost 2) then it was at 18 months. He's much more into time now and knows when Daddy should be home at night etc. I think I'd leave him for a weekend, but that would be it until he's a few years older.

I did ok with leaving him, it was hard but I did ok. DH and I needed the time away, and I'm glad we did it. I could post the reasons why we needed to get away, but some still wouldn't understand and that's where all the hurtfull stuff about me as a parent came into play last time. I don't wish to visit that again.

I hope you find something that works out for you!


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## oneotamama (Apr 23, 2004)

i definitely think you should go if you feel comfortable with it. for me, i didn't leave ds until he was 22 months old. and that was w/dh for one night. but that's b/c of MY issues. ds did great. he's very independent, close to his dad, etc.

but now we throw dd into the picture and dh and i have no time alone. she's very much a mama girl. i don't feel i could leave her b/c of that plus my overprotective issues!

i think the option of meeting up w/dd mid-vacation is good. good luck


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## ~Quse~ (Aug 8, 2004)

Cj'smommy, I'm sorry you got flamed a lot. I actually expected some flaming when I posted this since the length of time is a bit extreme but thought I might get some good advice too.

The thing is, I think dd will have a better time with my parents and sisters. She loves the constant attention. I'm sure they'll take her to the playground, out for ice cream, and buy her little toys, etc.. Whereas, she might get very bored in the mountains.

This trip is only half a vacation for us. We are actually going to a contra dance workshop that my dh has been hired to play music for. So pretty much my choices for hanging out will be our bedroom, outside with temperatures around freezing, and maybe a fastfood restuarant if any surrounding towns are that big.


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## cj'smommy (Aug 14, 2003)

The thing that matters is that I was ok with it, and I was. It may not be for all, but if it works for you then go for it!

Connor had a lot of fun with his Gma's, as I'm sure your dd will too. I know not all may agree, but I think it was harder on me being gone than it was on Connor.

Have fun!


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

nak

i'd probably do it. with so many people to help care/spoil for her, shed probably really enjoy her special time.

imo, couple time is very important and with a new baby on the way i'd say make hay while the sun shines









you know your dd better than anyone so trust you gut feelings


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

Ok, you probably don't want to hear this, but I would say -- don't do it. I think it will be too hard on your child to be separated from you for that long, especially for a reason like "couple time." She's not even two years old yet.

One of the tenets of attachment parenting is to minimize separation, and this is an AP board, so I'll just be direct and admit that I think this is not in the best interest of your child.

Just my two cents, and I certainly don't mean to offend, but you did ask.


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## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

Viviana, if you are at all worried, could you accompany your dh for part of the time and be with ds for part of the time? The drive is yucky, but maybe you could go with dh for the first half, have your alone time, etc., then have your folks meet you half way and bring him with you for the rest of the trip.

On a side note, it's great to see another old-timey music family! I play fiddle here in Chicago, not professionally, but in lots of classes and jams. SO much fun! My dd loves the music and comes with to some concerts and such. Does your ds like his daddy's music? Is your dh just playing or also calling? Will ds enjoy the dancing and the music? Maybe he'll have fun for a day or so of the festival...what do you think?


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

I don't think I could leave my toddler for a week. I stay home with her so I am used to having her near. I do like my evenings out alone or with dh though.


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## ~Quse~ (Aug 8, 2004)

fiddledebi--Dd likes the music and to watch the dancing but will get bored of it after awhile.

I'm not offended when people post that they wouldn't leave their child. That's part of the reason I asked, I wanted to know what other mother's thought.


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## Seasons (Jun 10, 2004)

This is NOT a flame, but merely my recitation of my boyfriend's experience:

Your child isn't even 2yo. When my boyfriend was just 2, his parents left him for a week (with his grandparents, with whom he'd spent an ocassional weekend) to go on a Hawaiian vacation. They weren't AP parents (he wasn't nursing then, as it appears your child isn't), but they were generally kind and had prepped him verbally (as well as with the weekends) beforehand. He was terror-stricken that week, thinking they'd left him forever, because he just couldn't comprehend more than the "yesterday, today, soon" concepts of time. To this day, over 30 years later, he is bitter about it, has nightmares, and swears he'll never leave his own child like that until much, much older.

I don't know your child and her psychology, so I'll shy away from advice. The minority opinion (against leaving your child for so long) has already been espoused in earlier posts.


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## ~Quse~ (Aug 8, 2004)

Okay, here's what I've decided to do for now. We will leave dd with my parents for 2-3 days while I go check the mtn. place out. If it seems "toddler friendly" I'll meet my parents half way and bring dd back with me. If I don't think it would be fun for dd I'll drive all the way back and stay with my parents.


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

viviana,
are you going to boone?
ha
i am an asheville girl at heart...sigh
anyway
i agree (even though it sounds like you have figured it out)
that a week is too long

i can't comprehend being away from dd for more than 3 hours....and that has never even happened....

have fun though...

my dd LOVES my family and if i lived in teh same town as them and she saw them often i might feel differently

but then again my little sis lives in the same town as them
her kids see them on an almost daily basis adn they still get sad when mommy and daddy go on a date...for the night.
just my 2 cents


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

I think it very much depends on the child. I kept my niece for 2 weeks while my sister was on her first annual 2 wks w/ the reserves. She did just fine the first week, but got sick the second, I think because of the stress of being away from mommy so long. She was 2 1/2. Even her getting sick would have gone more smoothly if I hadn't made the mistake of leaving her antibiotics bottle out w/ the lid off so she drank half of it...and gave herself a tummy ache on top of the ear infection! But prior to that she'd eaten my sister's birth control pill a couple of times and once sister's boyfriend's insomnia meds, which almost put her in a coma, so my sister was rather forgiving!

Last summer went better, she stayed w/ my mom while I was out there visiting so I helped while my mom was at work, etc. The only time she got upset then was when my sister insisted on talking to her on the phone.

Anyway, sounds like you have a plan. Another thing you could do, is take it day by day after the weekend. A daily call w/ your parents to see how your DD is doing and willingness to change plans if things go south for her could also be the way to go.


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