# Anyone read "The 7 O'Clock Bedtime" by Inda Schaenen



## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Okay. So DH and I are happily cosleeping with DS (15 mo), and we're sort of doing a Dr. Jay Gordon nightweaning process right now (thought DS is mostly doing it himself, only waking up once a night recently). But I've been worrying since before DS was born about routines and sleep and bedtimes. I am terrible with routines, I can't get to sleep at a decent hour (all my life), and I'm always trying to cram my day full of all the things I want to do. Another part of me is always trying to get myself and DS on a schedule, calm down, cut out everything extraneous and most importantly, STICK TO IT.

So I picked up this book, "The 7:00 Bedtime". Part of it makes me mad, like when the author talks about how she went from cosleeping to putting her third child to bed at six weeks and letting him soothe himself to sleep. Like, wow, that's TOO early for me to be comfortable with. But she also makes some good points, for example, kids who are overtired don't ACT tired; routines help kids feel comfortable and more in control; cutting back on activities keeps stress levels down; getting enough sleep is undervalued in our society, etc...and she doesn't just come up with those platitudes, she gives detailed examples of how things have changed in her own family.

I guess what I'm looking for with this post is some input from anyone who's read this book or keeps a similar schedule, with kids going down around 7 or 8. I also want to know at what age is it okay to start "making" a kid go to bed? Is it fair to force a kid to go to bed even if they don't actually go to sleep for an hour or more? I'm so unsure of myself on this topic, because I've always had an idea of myself as a night owl, but after reading this book, I"m not so sure. It's possible my parents just weren't very good role models about sleep. I don't know, but I would like to give DS every opportunity to have good sleep habits. And another thing...is it possible to cosleep AND have an earlier bedtime for the kids? So. Thoughts?


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## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

With three kids, we have three bedtimes. My dss2 goes to bed at 8. He's allowed to read for 30 minutes. He wakes up at around 6:30. The schedule works well for him because he needs a lot of sleep.

My dd (2 1/2), usually goes to bed at 7 PM. Sometimes it can take a bit for her to fall asleep, but dh or I are either with her or come in if she's distressed. She naps during the day, and is up around 5:30 AM or 6. For us, this works because we like to have our evenings free of the little one, and dh likes to get up early. But if she's not tired, or if she's had a late nap, we are flexible on bedtimes, but she's never up later than 8. That's just the way her body works.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

I haven't read the book, but I do have a child that goes to bed early (usually). Since pretty early babyhood she's been an early riser (5 to 6 am seems to be her natural wake up time). Though bedtime has been later at various points, especially just before dropping naps, her usual bedtime is between 7 and 7:30. And if I didn't work outside of the home, we would probably have an even earlier bedtime, since we could have our evening routine start with an earlier dinner.

We're part-time co-sleepers now at 3 years old- she goes to sleep in her own bed/room, and joins us whenever she wakes up during the night.

As for "making" her go to bed... I don't. If she's not tired, or overtired and wound up I try to keep her in bed and we read stories or listen to books on tape. And I stay with her until she eventually falls asleep.

The downsides of an early bedtime for us are:
Limited ability to go out for dinner or attend evening events as a family
Dealing with the early rising as tired parents!

I appreciate the "adult" time in the evening with my husband, though we both have a pretty early bedtime, too. And as a WOHM, I like that we get an extended play time in the morning together, especially since that's when she is at her best.

This is basically a long rambling post to say that an early bedtime works well for us; not because it's a parenting rule, but because our experience has been positive for this child. For the next, we'll see... (though please don't make this baby be a night owl, since I don't want to be up until midnight with one and up at five with the other!).


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

My childrens' bedtime is routinely 8 to 8:30, because DH is home by 6:30, and we have dinner, games, bathtime, books, then bed. Any earlier wouldn't leave enough time, but any later isn't enough sleep for the kiddos (they have to be up for school at 7:30am).

I absolutely agree that children thrive on a routine - particularly toddlers. But that being said, I'd never force a child to sleep - really I don't know how you'd ever do that without ignoring crying, making them feel scared, sad... I'd never be comfortable with that - it just makes such negative associations with sleep. But routine has always worked for my children, and bedtime has never been an issue. My son in particular has always told me when he was tired, and actually ASKS to nap & sleep at night.

I think you need to go with what your CHILD needs for amt. of sleep, combined with what your FAMILY needs (do you need time off from the kiddos, does daddy need time with them after work, do you like to go out & do family activites in the evening, do you like to have lots of adults-only time in the evening, etc.), rather than a set time established by a book.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ks Mama* 
I think you need to go with what your CHILD needs for amt. of sleep, combined with what your FAMILY needs (do you need time off from the kiddos, does daddy need time with them after work, do you like to go out & do family activites in the evening, do you like to have lots of adults-only time in the evening, etc.), rather than a set time established by a book.

This seems pretty obvious to me, but that's the problem. I have no idea what we need individually or collectively. I can't even tell when the little bub has had enough sleep because he's so easygoing.

Thanks, everyone, for your input. I'd like to hear more.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Our kids go to bed a lot later than that. Was even later, but it takes them a long time to settle down & dh got tired of having them still awake at 1am. We "make" them go to bed, as in, tell them/help them to brush teeth, get into pj's get hugs & kisses & go lie down. They play around for anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes or so before falling asleep. The only thing we try to do is get them to lie & talk quietly while they're settling diown, instead of the jumping on the furniture & running around they (mostly ds2) would rather be doing.


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gcgirl* 
This seems pretty obvious to me, but that's the problem. I have no idea what we need individually or collectively. I can't even tell when the little bub has had enough sleep because he's so easygoing.

Thanks, everyone, for your input. I'd like to hear more.

Okay, well then would there be a problem with trying out different bedtimes, for say, a week at a time... sticking to that routine as much as possible, and perhaps even doing a journal at the same time - noting in that week how much your DS sleeps at night, how much he sleeps during the day, if he wakes up cheerful, how much he eats, etc., and then the next week, picking another time half hour earlier or later?

You know what you & DH need in terms of sleep, what about everything else - I mean, do you have to be up for work, does DH, do you want to have family dinner together, do you like to go out & do an activity after dinner, do you both want to be part of the bath/books/bed routine, do you like to have adult time in the evening, and how much of it? It's really okay to consider yourselves in the big picture! If you like to have 2 hrs of adult time at night, and you know DS likes to get up at 7am, and you need 8 hrs of sleep, then structure your sons' routine around that. Doesnt' mean you need to be militant about the time, but use it as a general guideline, and see how it feels to have a regular routine. We find a routine helps ALL of us. You may not. But it doesn't hurt to try - and to document it so that you can see any differences clearly.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

If he's really that easygoing, IMO that's a good indicator that he's getting the sleep he needs. My 18-mo-old has always gotten fussy when he's tired.

Our bedtimes have shifted. After we moved last year, we usually went from dinner over to the Y where he played with other children and we worked out. We usually left the Y at 8 pm, he might fall asleep in the car but then wake when we got home. I seem to recall him still being awake at 10 or 11 pm some evenings.

We visited family over the winter break, and discovered that he was acting tired and often fell asleep mostly on his own about 7 pm. So this year we have dinner about 5:30, play some, start his bath at 6:30. After bath, we watch a playlist on Sesame Street.com, or some Boowa and Kwala (the only video he usually gets in a day). That's perhaps 30 minutes. Then we go to bed, where we read some stories, he nurses, we sing some songs, we turn the lights out somewhere perhaps 7:30, and he might be asleep about 8 or 8:30. Or not.

Usually when we're laying down with him and he gets to the crying phase, it means that he is *almost* asleep, and needs less stimulation (lights off, a white noise CD playing, held so he can't distract himself with toys and blankets).


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## Cloverhillmom (Jan 13, 2009)

My ds goes to bed at 6pm and is up for the day about 6am. I personally feel sleep is very important for chidren and they should be given the opportunity to get a good twelve hours of sleep at night. My nephew who is almost four goes to bed about 8:30 or so and is up by 6 to go to nursery. I can see how tired he is and can get quite hyper (not in his normal little boy way) at night. He is definitely a child who needs more sleep.


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## paulamc (Jun 25, 2008)

Haven't read the book but thought I'd just mention that DS (much younger than yours at just 5.5 mths) usually goes to bed between 7:30 and 8. He'll wake up a couple of times before I join him around midnight (I always intend to go to bed earlier.)

I started to get concerned about his going to bed alone when he hit about 4 months, and so we've recently switched from our master bedroom w/ rather high queen bed / wood floor to another room with a king latex mattress on a thick rug. I love the new arrangement!

I should add that we have a situation going on where DS ALWAYS cries his heart out while we're changing his clothes/ diaper before bed. I wonder if he's overtired and whether we should be putting him to bed even earlier - will probably start another thread about this subject sometime soon.


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## Loralz (Feb 20, 2009)

I've found that Iz (6 months) does a lot better when I get her routines started by 7:15ish. One of my friends told me (When I was complaining about sleep, hah!) that I needed to guard her sleep times as almost sacred. That statement changed my attitude and now we're pretty faithful about it, even when visiting others in other time zones. It's a pain, but it makes her and me happier to guard those times for the most part.

That's not to say that I won't be out driving when it's sleepy time, as that will still allow her to sleep. But since I know now that she goes to sleep about an hour after she gets up at 8 a.m., I don't schedule events at 9 a.m. if at all possible.


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