# Tips for handling the 'why' phase



## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

My DS asks why a lot but my bright, extrovert little daycare girl (almost 3) is in full on WHY mode. Everything is 'why?'. I know this is a natural developmental phase and I love her curiosity but my goodness, it's driving me crazy! I've tried the 'why do you think?' trick and that sometimes works. I'll also redirect her to ask my son if that's appropriate - ie if it's a 'why is he.......' question. But I've got to the point today where I told her she had used up all her whys for the morning and she could have some more after nap. I know this isn't the best strategy but I needed a break.

I realize I'm a little short of patience right now (pregnant and sleep deprived) and I don't want to to quash her but I needs some tips. Anyone?


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## HappyFox05 (Apr 11, 2007)

No ideas here - our two-year old just started the "What's that?" phase - but I can sympathize with the pregnant & sleep deprived part. Hang in there!


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## MommaJayla (Jun 1, 2009)

not much advice, but sympathy! ds (3) just started with "why'' and it never seems to end. when dh gets sick of it he asks him "why do you ask" and that deters him for awhile.


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## greenemami (Nov 1, 2007)

deep breaths







Dd started the "why's" a couple of months ago at 2.5. I usually have a great deal of patience and answer her as best I can, but can go nuts answering the same questions all day-she has a great memory and will bring up past events for questioning frequently. I am also pregnant and tired! Sometimes I desperately try to get her interested in another activity/conversation, etc., but I think telling a kid their whys are used up is a lot better than losing your patience and snapping at them!


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## Cindy-Lou (Mar 7, 2007)

I babysit 2 boys (2 and 4) so I've got those 2 plus my 3 year old asking why all day. It gets frustrating sometimes.


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## columbusmomma (Oct 31, 2006)

My DD, 2years 4months hasn't started and I really hope she doesn't!!! It is annoying!


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

My DD went through the "why" phase, and finally she outgrew it. Now... at age 4... she's re-entered it. This time, it's with a vengeance. EVERYTHING is "why". Sometimes I just tell her I don't know!!! She can go on forever with it. I don't know how to handle it, and sometimes I just wanna lay my head down and cry. It can be very trying.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

My daughter asks, "Why?" constantly. Sometimes I ask what she thinks, but often that frustrates her. Generally I answer if I know. If I don't, then we look it up. Looking it up often stops a chain of "Why?"s for at least a few minutes.


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## sparklett (Nov 25, 2006)

Whatever you do, don't answer "because"! Before you know it, "why" will become "becausewhy?"


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## Daffodil (Aug 30, 2003)

I think it's useful to distinguish between whys that are real requests for information, and whys that are just a way of keeping a conversation going. I tried to answer the first kind, but with the second kind I might be more likely to just start talking about something I found more interesting, or give DD some general information about the topic in question, rather than trying to answer her specific why question. And sometimes I just said, "That's enough whys for now," which I think is totally okay. (The first time I tried that with DD, she started, "Why is that enough - " and then caught herself and stopped.)


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

Yep - we are in this phase too! My husband and I joke that our DS will break us down with so many whys that pretty soon we'll be rocking back and forth saying, "Because the Earth's core is made of a mixture of elements and gravity's pull on the planet..."! Seriously, we are going to be discussing the meaning of life here soon and it all starts with "Why do we have to buckle our seatbelts?" "So that you can be safe and stay in your seat if it's bumpy..." "Why?" "Because it doesn't feel good if you fall out of your seat..." "Why?" - you know how this goes!

I think it is perfectly ok to say that you are tired of answering the whys. Of course, better if you're not yelling it at them







Also, if you want to just divert for a minute, you can answer with something totally silly and unrelated like, "Because the moon is made out of cheese!" and that will hopefully get them out of what we call "the loop of whys". My son loves silly stuff like that.

It is actually pretty great that our kids do this to us because it makes us use our brains in a new way. Trying to figure out ways to explain things to DS without using the original word (like I had to the other day when he asked "What are lanes?") gives my brain a workout which is much-needed.


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## Pumpkin_Pie (Oct 10, 2006)

My son is soooooo into this stage right now at 32 months. It drives me absolutely BATTY! I will occasionally get frustrated and just say, "I don't know", which almost always makes him cry.







He will also ask, "What?" a zillion times over while I repeat and repeat and repeat what I have just said. I usually end that one with, "I have already told you what I said and I am not going to repeat it again". I usually feel like a bit of a meanie when I end either of those conversations.


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## mama2004 (Nov 14, 2007)

DS is heavily into why for the last few months (he's a bit over 2.5), when I'm out of answers, I just say, "gravity." Ultimately, it often comes down to that, except when he asks why the towel is blue, or something...

I do find myself sometimes saying that I'm done answering why questions for a few minutes, because if I don't, there will be gnashing of teeth, rending of garments, and bashing of my head into walls. And there he'll be, saying, "why, mama?"


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I usually end the "loop of whys" (love that phrase!) with "that's all the answers I have. Sorry."

For some reason, my son (39 months) buys this one.


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## mommyshoppinghabit (Aug 9, 2006)

At least your dd doesn't ask you a bunch of whys and then switches to "but why not?" Sometimes I just make up something really outrageous and then ask "is _that_ funny?" and then switch the subject.


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## anj_rn (Oct 1, 2009)

We would answer the question, and then repeat the question back to him so he can tell us the answer. It usually ends the cycle and we make sure he understands the question and the answer. Although, it has led to him walking up to strangers and asking them bizarre questions, and correcting them if they do not answer correctly.


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## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

If you're open to a very rough sense of humor, check out Louis CK's riff on his daughter asking "why." Warning - his comedy is not for the faint of heart, he's caustic and crass, but if you watch closely you'll see the proud smile of a doting daddy. Here's one version.


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## twilight girl (Mar 7, 2002)

I turned the question back on DD when she was in that phase. Her response was "because yes." To date "because yes" will stop the whys dead! Even DS has caught on to it and he's just reaching the why stage.


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## kdtmom2be (Aug 26, 2006)

I don't have any tips because DD hasn't hit the "why" phase yet (or she skipped through it quickly or uses a different method of asking...) BUT today I remembered this thread and gave myself a good laugh as DD and I were driving and I was asking HER "why" repeatedly. I stopped myself mid-why, realizing that I was modelling the behaviour that you are all talking about hating!!


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## LaughingHyena (May 4, 2004)

We seem to be getting to the end of why, but moved onto "who is that" and "how is X made".

DS can keep up a constant stream of questions. I do not have a constant stream of answers or at least not ones I would want repeated









I like the "that's all the answers I have" approach, will try that this afternoon.


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## Dov'sMom (Jan 24, 2007)

DS2 started with the whys months ago and he's not 2 yet -- he was asking why before he could put three words together to explain what he wanted to know... Coupled with a just turned 3 yo, there's a lot of whys. The best times are when the 3 yo tries to answer the 2 yo -- somehow he never gets impatient!

When it's me, though, I'll usually answer a string of whys up to apoint where I say something like, "some things are hard to explain" or I change the subject by picking up a book. With DS1 I insist that he phrase his whys in full sentences -- that way I know exactly what he's asking and if he's not sure exactly what he's asking I get a break while he figures it out. (Sometimes he'll repeat his previous question, and when I call him on it he explains that he wants to see if I'll give him the same answer.)


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