# Miscarrying now - request for hugs



## OneTrickPony (Feb 12, 2002)

All you strong and powerful women: lend me some of your strength, please. I am close to certain I am miscarrying this tiny baby now.

My pregnancy was 10 weeks along earlier this week, and I started bleeding this morning. Although I bled through my first pregnancy, my dd was born fine. I was calling my midwife this morning not because I was really worried, but because I wanted to be responsible.

The internal ultrasound detected no heartbeat and a fetus of 6 weeks. My midwife said that the only way that the pregnancy could still be viable was if I had somehow mixed up my dates. Unfortunately, I am 100% on the dates...so I am assuming this wee life is gone.

We told everybody - I mean everybody - I was pregnant. I sent out e-mails and I've been on the phone today a lot. I guess I wanted to come here today too because I am overwhelmed and numb and scared and sad and I know those of you who are here can relate.

I don't feel "guilty", like I somehow "caused" the miscarriage...I don't feel angry...I do feel surprised and mostly very, very sad. I think I want to be able to turn to you all over the next weeks and keep myself open so I can heal and heal my husband and my daughter as well.

It's funny, I don't think I ever visited this forum before...I never felt I belonged here! Now that I am here I am so glad there are so many awesome women here who can support me and each other.

Love,

Alexandra (I will edit my sig line after this post...)


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## seagan (Jul 5, 2002)

Alexandra,
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, and wish you all kinds of strength -- right now and in the days to come. Sadness like you're in the midst of is like no other. You've lost your sweet tiny one, even a part of yourself in a way (or at least that's how it felt to me, and still does).

I hope you'll find all the support and strength you need, and that you'll turn to this group whenever you need it/us as well. We are definitely here for you, and you are in our thoughts and hearts, too.

Peace,

darcy


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Oh Alexandra, I am so sorry for your loss. I know words don't mean much but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.























Gossamer


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## naturegirl (Apr 16, 2002)

So sorry Alexandra. I hope we can be of some comfort in this time of sadness. Hearing your story brings back many feelings.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm so sorry.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:

I am overwhelmed and numb and scared and sad and I know those of you who are here can relate.
Oh, hon...i can more than relate. i have felt numb scared, terrified and overwhelmed.

go easy on yourself, and when feelings of fear want to overwhelm you, dont let it. take good care of yourself. come her for all the support you need.

this i can say, the sun will shine again. i know this to be true.


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## SummerLover (Nov 19, 2001)

Many hugs to you Alexandra. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been in the place you are now and there really is nothing quite so hard and sad. I hope you find some comfort here.

Wishing you love, strength, peace and hope.


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## naotalba (May 29, 2002)

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your tiny precious baby.







Sending hugs your way.


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## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

Alexandra...I'm so sorry to hear about your baby. I've been there too. All I can do is listen and send you big hugs. Feel free to talk to us anyime.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I am so sorry ((HUGS))


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## Shakti (Nov 20, 2001)

Alexandra, hugs to you. I could have written your post this evening myself. I had my 7 week ultrasound today and learned that there is no baby. So we are going through this at the same time. I don't quite know what I am feeling right now. Like you, I don't feel guilty, nor angry, just very, very sad. And I am waiting for the bleeding to begin.

Hugs,

Patti


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## symbiosis (Dec 6, 2001)

I, too, am sorry you are going though this.







s to you.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I am so sorry you are going through this...


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## simonee (Nov 21, 2001)

I'm so so sorry for you and your family. Sending you vibes of strength and healing


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## peggy (Nov 19, 2001)

So sorry to hear this news. I'll be thinking of you..


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## kaje62 (Nov 20, 2001)

Alexandra and Patti I am so sorry. Blessings and hugs to you both.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

{{{{{{{Alexandra}}}}}}} I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Nik's Mommy (Nov 28, 2002)

I am so sorry this is happening, Alexandra. Please take care of yourself. Hugs sent to you.









Christine


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

I'm really sorry for your loss.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

i'm so sorry.....there are so many women here who have been through it...I know here you will find some of the support you will need.....


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## nomadic (Jan 7, 2003)

I'm so sorry Alexandra and Patti.

It's such a heartbreaking thing to have to go through.

Look after yourselves.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

I'm so very sorry Alexandra and Patti.


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## karenpl (Dec 18, 2001)

{{{{{{ Alexandra }}}}}}
{{{{{{ Patti }}}}}}

So sorry for what you are going through. My heart is breaking for you. Such a sad thing to happen.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing!

Karen


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## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

Patti, I wanted to send you some warm hugs too. I know what you are going through. Alexandra I'm thinking about you...


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## Shakti (Nov 20, 2001)

Alexandra, I didn't mean to hijack your thread! More hugs to you!

Thank you, everyone, for your concern. As you all know, your support is much needed and appreciated at this time.

Patti


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## OneTrickPony (Feb 12, 2002)

Hello everybody. Thank you SO MUCH for your kind words for me and my family.

We got up yesterday morning and decided to go to the hospital for an evaluation and possible D & C (on the advice of my midwife). At the hospital, I feel as though I got excellent care: I was put at the top of the list in the emergency room and was seen and evaluated right away. They gave me a private room! They took my blood to check my pregnancy hormone levels and they did two more ultrasounds to check the state of the pregnancy.

What they found was consistent with the findings of the first ultrasound: no heartbeat, a fetus that had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I had already lost the placenta, all that was left was a small amniotic sac with the baby inside. I decided to come home and miscarry the baby naturally. I'll check via another ultrasound next week that I have completed the miscarriage, but I believe it happened last night around 2 a.m.

When we came home from the hospital, one of my friends had left chocolate, wine, cheese and strawberries for us as a "take care of yourselves" gift. Over the past few days, I have had tons of loving communication from my friends and my family and, of course, from you all here. I think being in communication while I was going through this (while I *am* going through this, that is) has made a huge difference for me.

I read one (in an Anne Lamott book) that a belief in God does not stop anyone from experiencing suffering in life: instead, the point of God is not to stop our suffering but to fill it with his presence. What I saw for myself this week was that being in communication about my experiences did not stop or prevent any tragic events, but allowed me to experience that tragedy as filled with love.

I'm not sure what our next steps are. We are considering naming a star after our starbaby - and I think we will attend one of the many peace vigils this Sunday, and ask our friends and family to attend one in their cities, and light a candle in the baby's memory and in memory of all people - those who are with us and those who are not.

Thank you all again for everything you all said on this thread. Shakti/Patti, my thoughts are with you too, and with every mother everywhere who lives with children on earth and in the stars.

Love,

Alexandra


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## kaje62 (Nov 20, 2001)

Alexandra. your writing brought lotsa tears to my eyes. Thank you and I am glad people are taking care of you. That was what got me through and still makes me cry is the friends who cleaned my bathroom, gave me a pedicure and rubbed my head. God bless you honey.


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## mommybritt (Nov 19, 2001)

and







to you and your sweet angel. I wish none of us ever had to go through this.


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## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

Hello, I'm just checking back to see how you were feeling....
sending lots of love your way!!


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

I'm sorry you are going through this, nobody should ever have to endure what you are going through.
My thoughts are with you during this very rough time.


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