# My son peed his pants at school today because of his teacher! **UPDATE Post #107



## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

I am _so_ pissed. I just picked ds (6) up from school because he had a "toileting accident". This was SO unlike ds, I was shocked. I went to pick him up, and find out what happened.

I walk into the nurses office, and DS is sitting there in a chair with his wet pants for everyone and their mama to see (and I mean he was soaked--I had to change his socks, wash his shoe laces, and clean his shoes







). I ask "Excuse me, but you couldn't give him a towel or drape to put on his lap?!" and I get "Oh, well, I didn't think of it.".

So I get him changed, and ask him what happened. Here's his story:

_I was outside for recess and I really had to pee. I told Ms. C "I really have to pee" and she told me okay, to knock on the door. So I knocked on the door for a really long time, and I was hopping cuz I had to pee so bad, and I went back to Ms. C and said I really had to pee. She told me to go knock again, and some pee came out when I was hopping back to the door. Then she sent the helper [teacher's aid/paraprofessional] to knock with me, then all the pee came out. The helper had to go to a window and knock for the teacher to stop teaching and let me in._

I asked him how he felt and he said "I felt soooo embarassed and thought 'Oh man, this is gonna stink and feel uncomfortable on my legs' and I didn't want anyone to see me and know I peed in my pants"

The teacher never apologized to my son. Never told him it was okay, not to be upset, it wasn't his fault, etc.

I understand the policy to keep the door locked from the outside, so that any stranger can walk in and molest/kidnap/harm a child. But I do NOT understand the policy of leaving a 6 year old or younger to bang on a metal door with the hopes that someone will happen to be walking by at that moment to let them in. Especially if you're not going to follow up and make sure they made it in.







: Especially with a child who is new to the district!

What would you do? I want to write a note to Ms. C, but don;t know exactly what to say. I am livid, but do not want all my anger to come through, as I don't want to be taken as some irrational, emotional, wacky home schooling mother who likes to complain about the public school.

kelly

PS-I don't think this is fit for "Learning at school and beyond" or whatever, because this has nothing to do with his education.


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

That is horrible!
Definitely write a letter detailing everything. Then speak to the teacher and demand to know what is going to change in the future so that never happens to another child again.


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## charmander (Dec 30, 2003)

First of all, I am so so sorry this happened to your son. I would be so totally angry if I were you. I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and principal. This is inexcusable for your son not to be offered a towel, or extra clothes he could change into (many schools keep extra pairs of new underwear & donated pants/clothes just for this reason)!!!

The teacher needs to apologize and you need to be assured that this will never again happen again, that your son will be taken seriously if he needs to use the bathroom.

A big sympathetic


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## nora--not a llama (Feb 25, 2005)

Oh, Momma! I am so sorry. Your poor little man.







I know just how that feels. I peed my pants at school when I was about that age b/c of a bladder infection. It was so embarrassing...but, I had a good teacher that made sure none of the other kids knew what was going on.
I would definitely approach the teacher. If it was me I would probably call her instead of writing a note. At my dd's school, her teacher sent home a note at the beginning of the year advising parents of her planning time. You might find out when your ds' teacher's planning time is and either call her or arrange a meeting. She needs to know how you feel about it, and quite frankly there should have already been a solution in place for this kind of situation other than sending a small child to knock on the door alone.
Blessings.


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## lisap (Dec 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies*







That is horrible!
Definitely write a letter detailing everything. Then speak to the teacher and demand to know what is going to change in the future so that never happens to another child again.

I agree.


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

You have every right to be fuming, Mama. I would definitely write a letter to the tracher and the principal but....if you are anything like me, I would wait until you are a little more calm. You will get your point across further. JMHO. What were they thinking?







:


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I would be livid too.







to your ds. I would definitely talk to the teacher about it but I'd wait until you are less angry to do it. It seems they need to develope a policy for kids having to pee during recess, I'm sure your son isn't the first kid who needed to pee during recess. I think the teacher handled the situation pretty bad and they were inconsiderate of your son's feeling after the fact too.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Oh man, momma I am so sorry! Your poor baby!

I would absolutely write a note. I would focus on the problem and how it could be prevented in the future. I am trying to understand this... the teacher and the kids are out in the yard and the teacher is actually helpless to get back into the bldg? Or she simply chose not to walk over and unlock the door or give the para the key and ask her to do it? What if rather than a bathroom emergency there had been a real emergency? A kid badly hurt? Okay.... I'm getting worked up now. That's not helping you. My DD is in Kinder and they sent a note home at the beginning of school asking us to send in a change of clothes to leave there... just in case.

I'm gonna have to get back to you on this.


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## AmyB (Nov 21, 2001)

The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:

Dear Mrs C,

When my son peed his pants at recess on Tuesday he felt extremely embarassed and uncomfortable. According to him, when children are outside of the school building at recess toilet facilities are not available. This seems like an unacceptable situation. I would like to talk to you in order to find out what the school is planning to do to make sure that children have access to the potty whenever they need it during the day.

Sincerely,

DSs Mom


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## CaraboosMama (Mar 31, 2005)

That is AWFUL!!!














:









I would speak to or write to the superintendant of schools as well as the principal. That is a totally inexcusable & borderline abuse/abuse of power -- UNACCEPTABLE!! So sorry your son had to experience that!


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## FroNuff (Apr 3, 2003)

Oh, that SUCKS for your DS. I had a similar incident happen to me when I was in Kindergarden and it still sticks with me to this day that no one apologized to me, and my grandmother (guardian) did not say anything to the teacher. And I had to sit in my wet clothes all the way home on the school bus, to boot. Thank God my brother was there so no one teased me. But it was humiliating.

Personally, I'd go speak with the teacher in person, if possible. Was the teacher who wouldn't let your son in his teacher? Or was it just a random teacher who refused to let him in? Either way, I'd speak to someone in person.


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## chersolly (Aug 29, 2004)

Wow! They couldn't pull something dry out of a lost and found box for him to put on. And the fact that the nurse didn't even think about drapping/helping your DS is just so disrespectful and cruel!!

Why don't the recess aides have a key to re-enter the school? What if a child is hurt and someone needs to run to get the nurse/help? Are they supposed to bang on the door until someone comes? Definitely a safety issue that needs to be addressed.

Let the letter writing begin!

Next, tell your son to pee on the asshats.


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## CaraboosMama (Mar 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyB*
The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:


I hear where you are coming from but I disagree. What that teacher did would be grounds for serious censure and possibly suspension in many school districts. It's totally unacceptable & her superiors should recieve the formal complaint - not the teacher herself.


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## Brisen (Apr 5, 2004)

Poor guy.







CMM. I have a 6 yo boy too, he would be so embarassed if that happened to him. I wish I could give you some advice, but I don't know how to handle these kinds of things. I can *almost* see how this would happen in the first place -- teacher busy supervising the kids on the playground, figuring if she didn't hear back from your ds right away that it means he got inside; kids probably often say "I really have to pee really bad right now!" kind of things to make sure the teacher listens, etc. But the way he was treated after is absolutely inexcusable. How horrible of them.


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nntalamu*
If it was me I would probably call her instead of writing a note. At my dd's school, her teacher sent home a note at the beginning of the year advising parents of her planning time. You might find out when your ds' teacher's planning time is and either call her or arrange a meeting.


See, that's the thing--I asked her when her planning time was when I 1st met her, and she just told me "If you need to get in touch with me, you can write me a note and leave it in the Take Home folder. If you _need_ to call, just call the main office and leave a message with them" Which I was unhappy with.

You're all right. I think I'm going to write her a note--when I calm down some--telling her that his father and I need to meet with her. WTF should I care what she thinks of me or thinks I'm complaining about something trivial (which I know I'm not).

Kama I'm not sure if the teachers have a key or if the doors are opened from the inside when recess time is over. Good point about an emergency. I asked ds and he shrugged, saying "I don't know. Maybe they have a time lock...or someone crawls in a window and goes inside and opens the door." lol, I'm guessing I'd better ask someone else for the facts!









Again, I understand the rational behind keeping the doors locked, but there needs to be a better way.

Kelly


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## chersolly (Aug 29, 2004)

I'd write the letter to the principal or superintendant.


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyB*
The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:

Dear Mrs C,

When my son peed his pants at recess on Tuesday he felt extremely embarassed and uncomfortable. According to him, when children are outside of the school building at recess toilet facilities are not available. This seems like an unacceptable situation. I would like to talk to you in order to find out what the school is planning to do to make sure that children have access to the potty whenever they need it during the day.

Sincerely,

DSs Mom

ITA!!







:


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I would approach the administration, not the teacher. I would focus solely on the fact that they need a better system for children who need access to the restroom during recess. Unless you know differently, I would assume that the recess supervising teacher couldn't leave an assigned post because of safety and/or legal reasons (so many teachers required to be out with so many kids). I would also assume that the teacher inside simply didn't hear your son, not was deliberately ignoring him. What you want is a solution to the problem, not to fix blame. After all, you might be frustrated if your child was hurt while the recess teacher was helping another child to the restroom or in the classroom while the teacher went to let a child in the door.


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

And Im sorry that your son had to experience this embarasment.









& the Nurse/office personell on the other hand..... AWEFUL for them to not offer him a towel/blanket/lost & found coat SOMETHING to cover with while he waits


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom*
Unless you know differently, I would assume that the recess supervising teacher couldn't leave an assigned post because of safety and/or legal reasons (so many teachers required to be out with so many kids). I would also assume that the teacher inside simply didn't hear your son, not was deliberately ignoring him.

All the teachers go out with the kids for recess, as well as the TAs.

And there was no teacher where my son was knocking. The door opens to a hallway, where there may or may not be someone passing through at any given time, not a classroom. The TA who finally went with him, and she couldn't get anyone at the door and so had to knock on a classroom window and signal to a teacher who had a class in session. Also, the door is about 50-75 feet from the playground equipment. It's a really idiotic crap shoot if you ask me.


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## wifeandmom (Jun 28, 2005)

Your poor little boy! No matter WHY this happened, I know he was mortified, and that is terrible.









I would caution against going straight to the principal and/or superintendant before trying to resolve the issue with the teacher first. There is often little respect for parents who go 'straight to the top' so to speak when it's not a SERIOUS issue (CLEAR safety issue, abuse, etc).

Questions I would ask:

1. How many adults are available for supervision during recess?

2. How do adults gain access to the building from outside?

Assuming there is more than one adult outside and they have access to the building through either a key or code for a key pad, my suggestion would be for an adult to escort said child to the door and let them in.

If there is only one adult outside with the kids, it's a bit harder depending on where the door is located compared to where all of the other children are playing.

If there is no access to the building through either key or code, I'd be concerned about emergency situations more than potty accidents.


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

Yeah...

And where are they supposed to potty while they are out there playing?? Thats what Id want to know....


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

I would go above the teacher and go straight to the principle.

I see a number of problems, most have been mentioned already.
How do the kids come came in after play time?
What about an emergancy, bang on the door? Stupid!
Looking the door when student are OUTSIDE does nothing to protect them as they wont be able to run inside for safety.
And shame on them for not giving him something to wear/cover.

I hope they pee their pants but of course that wont happen cause theres nothing stopping them when they have to go!
















MsDoula if you are taking a siesta from MDC what are you doing posting


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms.Doula*
Yeah...

And where are they supposed to potty while they are out there playing?? Thats what Id want to know....

That's the thing! They're supposed to bang on the door till someone happens by and lets them in!







: Illogical!


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

Why does the teacher and assistant teacher not have a key to the door? Period. What if something happened outside- um, like a kid fell off the swing and broke his arm- etc.
I am so sorry for your little guy- that is absolutely unnacceptable.
I think I would go beyond note writing here- or maybe a note and a visit? If you get nowhere- go to the principal. This is a major safety issue-
Emilie


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Emilie*
Why does the teacher and assistant teacher not have a key to the door?

I don;t know if they do or not. I'd imagine they would. It's one of the questions I intend to ask.


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## Ms.Doula (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momto l&a*
I would go above the teacher and go straight to the principle.

I see a number of problems, most have been mentioned already.
How do the kids come came in after play time?
What about an emergancy, bang on the door? Stupid!
Looking the door when student are OUTSIDE does nothing to protect them as they wont be able to run inside for safety.
And shame on them for not giving him something to wear/cover.

I hope they pee their pants but of course that wont happen cause theres nothing stopping them when they have to go!
















MsDoula if you are taking a siesta from MDC what are you doing posting
























: I errr.. I uuuhhhhh....

Im 'visiting' for a few ok!!


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## kiahnsmum (Oct 22, 2004)

My little guy is 6 too and I almost cried reading this, I know how my darling would feel in this situation. There are so many issues surrounding their locked door policy something definitly needs to be said. My son was involved in an incident when he first started and I defifintly let my emotions get the better of me and I gave the teacher the big 'what up'! They might think im an irrational overprotective mum but they sure as hell changed their policy straight away!


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

oh kelly, how awful!! that is such a hard thing for a little boy to have to put up with. and so unfair. all one needs is to be a little sympathetic to others needs and feelings.

poor little boy. let us know how he does tomorrow?

gosh ur posting about them banging on the door till someone notices is really, really scary. what if there was a fire?


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## elsie (Apr 5, 2005)

I would talk to the teacher first and ask her what she thinks of the situation and how you might approach the administration if these aree the rules the teachers are given. If everyone is suppose to bang on the door until someone walks by seems like a really stupid protocol. I'm sure it is not the teacher making it up, though I also believe she could have handle the whole thing much better. I think if you approach her as an ally against the school's policy instead of just focusing on how she mishandled it, she will be more likely to help you find a way to prevent this in the future.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Awww... poor little sweetie.

The teacher should definitely have a key to get back into the building. All of the schools where I sub give me keys to get in from recess. Like others have said, what if there was an emergency? Schools are so worried about some lunatic getting into the school, but what if the lunatic comes and they're all trapped outside on the playground? And what about minor injuries? Or major ones?

Dar


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Can you go talk to them in person?


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momto l&a*
I hope they pee their pants but of course that wont happen cause theres nothing stopping them when they have to go!

















If Cookie doesn't get a good response to her concerns maybe we could figure out a way for her to sneak in and lock the staff restrooms.


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## luvmy3boys (Sep 16, 2003)

I would talk to the principal or have a meeting with the teacher and principal. There are many issues here...the restroom/recess set up, the teacher's response, the nurse's lack of actions, etc. All issues need to be addressed.


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## Kari_mom (Jun 1, 2003)

Is 'Mrs. C" the teacher that you feel should apologize, and your son's classroom teacher? From what you described, it is possible that she didn't realize what had happened or even spoke to him after he was taken to the nurse. She knew your son said he needed to go, she knew he had an accident, she might not realize how much the delay contributed. For this reason I think you should talk to the teacher first.

FWIW, 6 year old boys are notorious for accidents. The PTA at our old school used to buy underwear for the nurse to keep on hand, a third of what was purchased was size 6 for the first grade boys.

I am not defending what happened, I am appalled as well and my son had a similar 'accident' experience last year, similar in how it was mishandled anyway. But if you run into a 'whatever' attitude from the school staff, it is probably because they see so much of it that they don't get how they contribute to the problem.


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## ceilydhmama (Mar 31, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy*
See, that's the thing--I asked her when her planning time was when I 1st met her, and she just told me "If you need to get in touch with me, you can write me a note and leave it in the Take Home folder. If you _need_ to call, just call the main office and leave a message with them" Which I was unhappy with.

Kelly

I wouldn't call. I would write a full letter of complaint and cc it to the principal and ask for a meeting to resolve the issue. This stikes me as the sort of issue that requires a formal complaint though - not a "he said/she said". meeting


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## Mama43 (Jul 18, 2005)

Why does his school not have a buzzer system? I live in booneyville, and my kids' school has these. You push the button that buzzes the office the receptionist answers and opens the door you report to the office? The last school we were at, as well as the high school I attened 10 years ago had this.

Kristin


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kari_mom*
Is 'Mrs. C" the teacher that you feel should apologize, and your son's classroom teacher? From what you described, it is possible that she didn't realize what had happened or even spoke to him after he was taken to the nurse. She knew your son said he needed to go, she knew he had an accident, she might not realize how much the delay contributed. For this reason I think you should talk to the teacher first.

FWIW, 6 year old boys are notorious for accidents.


Ms. C is his teacher, and the one he spoke to, 1st to tell her he had to go really bad, then again that he had to go really bad and could not gain access to the building. She was the one who told him to go back and keep knocking in hopes that maybe someone would hear him. She knew he peed himself, because she didn't send the TA to help until he had peed himself already. If there were any question, it would have been confirmed when the nurse had to call the teacher to pack up his things because I was coming to pick him up. She did speak to him afterwards when he got his things. There was no apology.

That raises another question--did they make my son walk back to class to get his coat/lunch box/bookbag? I sure as hell hope not, but I'll ask him tomorrow.

My son has NEVER had a potty accident while he was awake since he was 2. Not once until now.

Kelly


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

OT but my son hasn't had an accident since he was 2 maybe even a little earlier. He's only 4 though so maybe when he turns 6 he'll start having accidents.


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## boycrazy (Feb 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Emilie*
Why does the teacher and assistant teacher not have a key to the door? Period. What if something happened outside- um, like a kid fell off the swing and broke his arm- etc.
I am so sorry for your little guy- that is absolutely unnacceptable.
I think I would go beyond note writing here- or maybe a note and a visit? If you get nowhere- go to the principal. This is a major safety issue-
Emilie

That sucks...sorry that happened...I hope that this is resolved with out much hassle. Sounds like they need to update the system so that it is safe for the outside kids as well as the kids inside.


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## Kiyomi (Apr 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy*
That raises another question--did they make my son walk back to class to get his coat/lunch box/bookbag? I sure as hell hope not, but I'll ask him tomorrow.

My son has NEVER had a potty accident while he was awake since he was 2. Not once until now.

Kelly


Awwwwww, your poor little guy! This just breaks my heart for him and gets me seriously pissed off at "Ms C".

I'm hoping you'll get this squared away, but if there should ever be a next time, tell him to pee on her feet and say "I told you I had to go really bad."

Grrrr.....


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

I would not be overly hard on the teacher,yet&#8230;&#8230;.. She let him go but the door situation was the problem. If she had said tuff or wait until we go in then I could see their being a problem with her.

It is the door situation you need to be aggravated with NOT THE TEACHER. The door situation could be completely out of her control. So do talk to her or write a letter not accusing her of being a horrible person. Please realize often times the play ground doesn't have enough supervision and that can be out of the teachers control. She saw that he had to pee. She sent the TA, that doesn't mean she knew he peed but he had obviously had to go and it was taking to long.

Also, your son had to pee (obviously) his long knocking could not have been that long or that loud.


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## Dal (Feb 26, 2005)

I don't fully get the safety reasons for having the door locked in the first place (but clearly I might be missing something). Where is the door? Isn't it on the same side of the building as the play area? Could an adult just saunter around the play area where there are teachers supervising and sneak into the building? Wouldn't they quickly notice a strange adult (i.e. someone who doesn't work there), so that they could go and ask that person what s/he is doing there? Does the play area have a fence? If they are worried about the possibility of a strange adult who makes it to the door and goes in the building, how is it that they think they can prevent a strange adult from taking a child from the play area?


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom*
I would not be overly hard on the teacher,yet&#8230;&#8230;.. She let him go but the door situation was the problem. If she had said tuff or wait until we go in then I could see their being a problem with her.

It is the door situation you need to be aggravated with NOT THE TEACHER. The door situation could be completely out of her control. So do talk to her or write a letter not accusing her of being a horrible person. Please realize often times the play ground doesn't have enough supervision and that can be out of the teachers control. She saw that he had to pee. She sent the TA, that doesn't mean she knew he peed but he had obviously had to go and it was taking to long.

*Also, your son had to pee (obviously) his long knocking could not have been that long or that loud*.

What do you mean by this?

Also-to clarify, she did know he peed because she sent the TA when he yelled to her "Ms. C I peed in my pants a little by mistake". And when a child comes up to you to tell you he REALLY has to pee and is having trouble gaining access to the toilet, you help him. I've worked with kids 2-16, and I know this. If an adult was telling me this, I would have sent the TA asap, not told him/her to go knock some more and hope someone walked by.

kelly

ETA: DAL- The area is fenced, but not nearly fully enclosed. people aren't always outside or watching the door, and I like it being locked during school hours, if not for situations like this. The door faces the playground and street/parking area and opens to access a hallway.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

1. I missed that part about the kid telling the teacher he peed.

2. I suffer from incontinence. So when I have to pee I have to pee. I know that when I have to go sometimes things seem to go sssssssssllllllllloooooowwwwww. You add that with a 6 year olds usual inability to judge time "A long time is not always a long time."

3. No adults don't respond to other adults need to pee all that fast either.














I was at a urogynocologist and the bathroom was locked and empty. It took them forever to unlock the door. Why, They deal with bladder control problems? They just didn't see it as that important.

Cookie, I would love you if you were at all the bathroom doors to get me in fast. LOL.


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Well, either way, it's a big metal door, so it'd be hard to hear him period. Plus again, there may well have been no one to hear him, as it opens into a hallway.

Whenever someone tells me they have to pee NOW, I listen. (same with poop, vomit, sneeze, whatever) Can you imagine if the people in your dr's office told you "Just go jiggle the handle" after you made it clear to them that you had to pee badly? I personally would have followed you to the room and tried to help you get in, or escorted you to the staff bathroom. And that's with an adult.

I know that the door policy sucks, and I know she's not a horrible person (well, I don't think she is anyway) but IMO the teacher should have offered more assistance in some way before he peed himself. She also should have offered some emotional support and an apology--even an "I'm sorry--I didn't know you had to go _that_ bad! Everyone has an accident sometimes, it's okay" or "I'm sorry, I thought someone would have opened the door for you. You know this isn't your fault right? Nothing to be embarassed about".

I am also angry with the way he was treated in the nurses office. You can bet your butt if an adult had the same problem s/he would not have been left to sit on a cold chair in their piss pants in plain air for everyone to see. And there were plenty of other kids in the nurses office. The smell was enough to assure everyone there that my son had not spilled juice on himself.







:

kelly


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

There should be better plans in place. Kids have to pee. Kids get hurt on playgrounds. There should either be some kind of doorbell- or teacher should have a key to enter- etc. If the door is locked for safety reasons- yet the rule of thumb is to have anyone passing by open the door.... who are we protecting?
This is an important issue on many fronts and should be handled by SOMEONE at this school.( and many others I assume)


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## DesireeH (Mar 22, 2003)

Aww, poor guy! I would write a letter too. Probably to the principal as well because they need to figure out some better bathroom arrangements. If the door is going to be locked and kids may or may not need to get in, they need to have someone there to open it, be it with a key or someone waiting on the inside. That is a joke!

That is so embarrassing. I did that in 2nd grade. You had to wait for a pass to go pee so only one kid could go at a time and then my mom put me in stupid overalls that I couldnt get off fast enough and I peed all over then had to walk back to the class crying to open the door and get the teacher. My dad came to pick me up and I remember him telling off the office ladies for just letting me sit there in my pee pants waiting for him with no cover or anything. LOL I also never had to wear those stupid pink overalls again. LOL


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

it is barbaric to have to ASK at all to go to the bathroom. Absolutely ridiculous
Emilie


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## wonderfulmom (Feb 29, 2004)

I would be furious.

I hope you can get the school to change their policy/routine.


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Well, I just wrote a note saying basically "I would like very much to meet with you regarding the incident with my son yesterday. Please call me at your earliest convenience" I'll keep you all posted.

I think the doorbell or key thing is a good idea. This policy makes no sense to me.

I also plan on speaking with someone regarding the way he was treated at the nurses office.

Kelly

PS-Emilie, I agree. That's one issue he had trouble wrapping his brain around when I told him that he'd have to ask permission to urinate when he went into public school.


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

My elementary school was also locked from the outside during recess. I think the teachers had keys. We were not allowed to use the bathroom during recess unless we were sick. And yes, there were accidents. I think that the real reason they lock the door is not so much for "safety" but to keep the recessing kids from sneaking back into the building. Not that I think that is a good reason! But I am pretty sure they were not worried about strangers coming in. I would be livid! And I probably would have made a very bad scene with the nurse that would not be productive at all. Hope you get some answers.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Oh that poor baby. Definately contact the administration and the teacher, so she won't feel blind sided. Most likely this is their policy regarding the teacher staying in place and having the door locked. Maybe suggest that one of the ta's stand by the door during recess to let chldren in and out if necessary. That way they won't be able to say that you are just a complaining mom, but they can see that you are offering suggestions to avoid the issue for your son and other children in the future.

Send a package of clothes into the nurse with a little note saying that your son's experience was very embarrasing and you want to make sure that he will never be left in such a condition again. This will express your concern for what your son went through, and give them another way to handle such an accident. Maybe even express that if another child has such an accident they are freee to borrow and return your sons clothes, so they aren't left in such an embarrassing situation. This also gives them an idea of what to do, while expressing your concern for their current way of handling things.


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## my2girlsmama (Oct 21, 2004)

Oh mama that is HORRID!
















I totally am with you on it. You handled it very well.

I currently am fed up with my dd's (also 6 soon) teacher and her ridiculous anal BS she make sthe kids do...I am awaiting report card meeting in December and she is going to hear me out big time.

Anyhow, put your upset in writing. For her and principal. Make sure they know how you feel and most importantly how you will believe and advocate for your Ds no matter what.

I get so livid when I hear of these damn teachers' policies that disrespect our children's needs and bodies........I have had a few instances with my dd and basically they know I am very pissed and not happy and expect a hell of alot more from them or else.........

UGH!


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## BelovedBird (Apr 5, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy*
That's the thing! They're supposed to bang on the door till someone happens by and lets them in!







: Illogical!

That is terrible. I am so sorry for Devante's discomfort and embarressment- and it was completely unnesasary!








I would first talk to the teacher. If you don't feel you got anywhere, or even just to be sure that the situation will be remedied I would then go to the principal or super.
Good luck in getting this fixed.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Emilie*
it is barbaric to have to ASK at all to go to the bathroom. Absolutely ridiculous
Emilie

I disagree, in situations where an adult is watching children and needs to know where they are. My children have to tell me they're going to the bathroom when we're out, as I'm sure others do too. No different in school, where one adult often has to keep track of 30 kids.

Anyway, re what to do, I recommend going in calmly and talking to the teacher to get the whole picture first. It is not a good idea in situations like these to go straight to the principal, let alone the superintendent. To be honest, it is waaaay too much to recommend going above even the principal's head over something like a peeing accident. I agree that it was awful for your son and it sounds like the system needs addressing, but that is a job for the teachers and principal, not the superintendent of schools.









Maybe if you open a clear and frank dialogue, you will discover there are other sides to the issue and that you have to be creative to find a solution. After all, parents would be more upset if the school was open for some stranger to walk in and approach their child - or even abduct one - than having their child pee their pants.

My point is that without knowing all the facts and understanding the rationale behind the school's policy, you cannot have a meaningful dialogue. If you approach the situation openly and without anger and blame, you will get a better response and are more likely to get a satisfactory outcome. I don't think this is unique to schools - it is a fact of life when dealing with any group of adults or organisation. Now, if once you've got the facts you still feel that the teacher was uncaring and callous, then for all means get tougher.









After years of working with PSs, I have seen parents take all kinds of approaches to problems, and this is the one that works best for everyone involved. And I don't think PSs are any different to any other organisation - the teachers are humans who generally respond better to being approached respectfully and being given the chance to explain themselves, just like anyone else. Your aim should be to build a partnership, and you won't do that if you approach by assuming the worst instead of the best.


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## Parthenia (Dec 12, 2001)

My older dd has a tendency to ignore her signals, and every once in a while she has an accident at school. It has happened at the beginning of the year since preschool (she's in 1st grade.) I think it's related to stress and a small bladder, as we've ruled out infection. We keep a pair of pants and clean underwear in her backpack. The times she has peed in her pants she was never left to sit in a cold chair. She was given a change of clothes and underwear (she forgets she has some in her backpack). APparently the school nurse keeps extra clothes and undies for such occasions. Seems to me that if you're working with children, you'd have procedures on how to deal with accidents, and these would include maintaining access to buildings, keeping extra clothes on hand, and helping children maintain their dignity when they have accidents.

I'm glad you're speaking to the teacher. I would also speak with the principal and the nurse. There are simple things a school can do to help kids prevent accidents, and help them if they have them. It seems like a no brainer to keep extra clothes at a school, and to open the freakin' door when a child says, "I have to pee."


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Britishmum*
I disagree, in situations where an adult is watching children and needs to know where they are. My children have to tell me they're going to the bathroom when we're out, as I'm sure others do too. No different in school, where one adult often has to keep track of 30 kids.


But theres a difference between telling an adult when and where you're going to take care of basic human needs, and having to ask (and be granted) permission to do so.


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## UmmBnB (Mar 28, 2005)

Not only would i have a talk with the teacher and administrators, I'd take it to your next PTSA meeting. With some group power around the issue you may be more likely to influence change. I'd bet this is not the first time something like this has happened.

wrt her instructions for getting in touch with her, how about catching her at drop off or pick up? Also, I'd check with the office to see what their expectations are for teacher/parent contact. In this day and age it seems odd that a school would truly allow such a disconnect.


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## simple gifts (Feb 27, 2003)

My husband is a principal, and I think you should write a note to your principal as well as talking to the teacher. Just tell him/her that you will be speaking with the teacher, but you want the administration to be aware of the situation. In the early grades, principals are much more involved in the day to day things that go on than they are in later grades.

Also, my husband has made many changes due to parent requests and/or info that teachers didn't really see the need to make. I know he would want to know about something like this.

Just my $.02


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## boricuaqueen327 (Oct 11, 2004)

ugh. I am so sorry that happened to your son. I almost peed on myself when I was in high school. I was 7 months pregnant and my psychology teacher didn't want to let me go to the bathroom. She said we had just finished lunch and I shoulda went then. (of course I had gone already, but when you have a little head pressing on your bladder, well it's not that easy to hold it as I"m sure you all know!) I held it in until I thought I would explode and then I j ust got up an left.

I can't believe people would be so insensitive to a little boy!!!!!! That really makes me angry, they could have at least helped him by getting him dry clothes or a towel or something. And then to sit him where EVERYONE could see...that is inexcusable.







for your ds.


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## Peppermint (Feb 12, 2003)

Oh, reading the OP made me cry, I would be horrified if that happened to my little one.

As a former teacher (preschool and kindergarten) I can say that any teacher of children that age worth anything, would- a) have had the kids use the potty before going outside, and b) made sure he got into the building ASAP when he said he needed to go.

It is somewhat unreasonable to think that the children should not have to "ask permission" to use the bathroom, as there will always be children who are just bored and want to go into the bathroom to play. Even if your child is one of those "bathroom play " kids though, that would happen during some boring part of the day, not during outdoor play time.

When you talk to the teacher, I would ask her if there was some thing out of the ordinary in the way that this was handled (was there not an extra assistant out there or something). If not, I would ask if she has any ideas of ways that the door situation could be better handled. I would be certain to explain how embarrassed your son was, and how you were very disappointed that he was not treated with more kindness/ respect/ love in such an embarrassing situation.

I would talk seperately to the nurse herself and find out why in the world she did not find something for your son to change into. I would even offer to contact the PTO to help her keep underpants and sweats in the office for these kinds of emergencies. Sure, you can make sure your child has a change of clothes in his locker, but for other kids, I'd see that there is something available.

Please let us know what the teacher and nurse say when you discuss this with them.

I agree with PP that it is not time to go to the Principal or anything like that, unless the teacher's response is completely inappropriate.


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## candipooh (Jun 22, 2004)

Poor kid!

My sister peed her pants in 5th grade, yep 5th grade, because of the teahcer.







School had just started and she needed to use the restroom. She asked her teacher who was very upset that she didn't use it before the bell rang for school to start. He told her to put her name on the board. You get your name on the borad if you are ebing bad, then a check after it if you are bad again. etc. The teacher ment for her to put her name on the board and THEN go to the bathroom. But he just said "put your name on the board" so she did, then she sat back down where she was too scared to say anything else. So she peed herself. And 5th graders are not into forgiving situations like that.

I look forward to hearing what happens when you talk to her.


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

I did not mean do not alert the teacher of whereabouts- just the idea that someone else can make the decision whether you have to go BAD enough is crazy to me.
It was a huge problem with me at school.
In first grade the teacher just had us hold up two fingers- and she would nod at us- and we could exit.
I think that is a great idea.
Emilie


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## MPJJJ (Oct 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Emilie*
it is barbaric to have to ASK at all to go to the bathroom. Absolutely ridiculous
Emilie

ITA.


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## polka123 (Nov 27, 2003)

coming in late to your post...

(((((((((((((((hugs to your boy))))))))))))))









& I'd be f'ing furious at all concerned







:









I'd call the principal, school district, etc....

not to even keep the boy away from others until you arrived







:







@#[email protected]@%[email protected]$#@


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AmyB*
The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:

Dear Mrs C,

When my son peed his pants at recess on Tuesday he felt extremely embarassed and uncomfortable. According to him, when children are outside of the school building at recess toilet facilities are not available. This seems like an unacceptable situation. I would like to talk to you in order to find out what the school is planning to do to make sure that children have access to the potty whenever they need it during the day.

Sincerely,

DSs Mom









: I understand keeping the door locked, but why didn't the recess aide go unlock the door for him?

I was another that peed my pants around that age too, and I felt HORRIBLE about it. Poor guy.


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Oh my! That's just awful! How is your ds feeling about it today? I hope he's okay. I would be beyond livid. There are obviously some serious problems with the whole situation. I think the issue is definitely with why someone didn't open the door immediately, not as much about why it was locked.

Slightly OT, but I noticed a couple posts about having to send extra clothes to school in case of accidents. We looked a possible art school for dd to attend and the woman made mention of an entire backpack of clothing and shoes. I don't remember this ever when I was little. Is there some sort of a trend going on here? The children can speak, so there shouldn't be any reason for an accident ever if they vocalize their needs to an adult.

Putting your name on the board 'cause you have to "go". Whatever,








: Don't they realize how things life this can have a huge impact on a child's life at school with others?

A senior prank in our high school one year was that they super glued all the door locks so no one could get in. I think it was mentioned before, but I have images of the staff bathroom doors suddenly just not opening.


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

UPDATE:

Well, Ms. C called me back just now, and here's how it went...

I explained to her, calmly, my concerns about DeVantes particular accident, and she said to me something along the lines of "well, he only knocked for a little while before coming back to me, and while he was coming back to me, someone passed[in the hallway that the door opens to], so he missed his chance. i sent the TA to knock on the window for the kindergarten class when I realized he had wet himself"

I asked her why she didn't send the TA when my son 1st came back, and she said "Well, he didn't knock long enough the 1st time, and to be honest, I think he waited till the very last second" (still didn't answer my question)

I told her that DeVante was very upset, and she said "Well, the really good thing is that no one really saw him after he had the accident-it wasn't a big deal" (way to minimize a 6 year old's feelings!) I explained to her that yes, people did notice, because he had to call out to her that he wet himself, and he was accompanied to the nurses office by a female classmate, and was forced to sit in his own urine for about 20 minutes for everyone to see and smell, and _we_ thought that _was_ a big deal.

The teachers don't have keys! They themselves have to knock on the door to enter the building after recess. I asked what would happen if a child got hurt or there was an emergency and she said they'd use the walkie talkie to have the nurse come out to the child or open the door for the children.

I asked her what we could do to prevent this from happening in the future, to either my son or other children. She says....ready for this?

"Maybe, since he was homeschooled until now he just needs to get used to the routines and customs of being in a class a little better"







: This is the same woman who, 3 days ago, told me my son was getting along nicely, is a pleasure, is fully oriented,









She told me that *any child walking by the hallway knows to open the door when another child or teacher knocks*.







: So all someone has to do to gain easy access into the building is knock on a door?!? This is in the kindergarten wing, mind you--so it's not like they'd have the sense to not let an unknown person in the door. When I asked if this was very safe or logical, she just said "Well, it's what all the teachers here are accustomed to"









So, yeah, I'll be talking with someone higher up, because this really is more of a safety issue than I 1st considered, and the teacher was not helpful at all.

Any advice/support? My family (mother and father) are both saying "Oh would you just drop it already"...they never once stood up for me, my issues and feelings and safety were never important enough, and I don't want my son to know what that feels like...so *I'd really like only supportive advice from this point on*, as I've already made my decision to try and change this stupid policy as well as get an apology from the school nurse.

On the polar opposite of my family is my exDP, who is angrier than I, cursing like a sailor when I called and told him what happened. He wants to go down to the school and demand a meeting with basically everyone and the policy changed NOW. I love it when his daddy instincts kick it.

Thank you all,
Kelly


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## nora--not a llama (Feb 25, 2005)

Kelly, I am so sorry that the teacher was so completely un-helpful!!








This is what I don't understand...if they have walkie-talkies to use, why couldn't the teacher have just used that to call someone in the building when your ds said he had to go??!! If I were you, I would address that with the higher-ups when you talk to them. Seems to me that it wouldn't be that big of a deal to enact that policy seeing as they already have the walkie-talkies anyway.
I hope everything gets worked out!
Blessings.


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

It sure seems like there is a complete lack of respect when it comes to using the bathroom. If they have the walkie talkies, there's no reason for anyone to knock on the doors. They do have them where you can have multiple handsets.








This sounds so awful. To me, her response would have just made me twice as mad. Do not drop this, but now's definitely the time to be calm when talking to the admin, just don't forget to be very firm, but somehow I doubt that will be a problem.







Good luck!


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## taz925 (Nov 29, 2001)

Good for you for standing up for him. Collect your thoughts, have a plan, and go change that stupid way of doing things! Try to keep things simple, remember your audience.

Doreen


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## BelovedBird (Apr 5, 2002)

Kelly definately do NOT just drop it. The door locking situation is ridiculous. I *hate* the teacher's attitude. If you are going to try to talk to her again maybe start with "Listen, I know you didn't forsee this ending in Devante wetting himself. I'm sure you didn't realize _how badly_ he had to go....." Maybe she will then feel more understood and react less defensively.
Definately speak to the higher ups to change the very dangerous, unsafe and problem causing situation of the way the door is handeled. It *needs* to be changed.
I would also definately speak to the nurse. Sitting in his own pee?? What if it took you an hour to get there?? He would have a nice burny rash now....!! GRR. How can they have young kids and no change of clothes??

Good luck, again.


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## mammastar2 (Dec 17, 2004)

Gosh. I thought it sounded bad, and then I read the teacher's reaction - wrong on SO many levels I wouldn't even have thought it possible. I would totally pursue it too!


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## polka123 (Nov 27, 2003)

OMG !!??!!
well, that Teacher's answer was poopy







:
I would pursue it to a higher level


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## mirlee (Jul 30, 2002)

Kelly, your exDP is right. Persue this as far as it takes. The teacher is way out of line here and so is the school nurse. If the principal is incapable of handling this, go up. Oh, this makes me so angry.


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## Peppermint (Feb 12, 2003)

Good for you standing up to your son, the teacher doesn't sound like she "gets" this at all.

I would go in to the school, and tell the secretary that you need to speak to the principal about an incident with your son and some safety concerns you have. I would not "make an appointment", I would go in with the attitude of "I will be speaking to the principal now" . I would explain the whole peeing incident, complete with a MAJOR complaint about the nurse's handling of things, and then say, "this incident led me to an even greater concern with the door/recess issue",







.

If the principal is busy at that moment, I would tell the secretary that you will wait right there, it is rare that a principal would not be able to take 10 min. to talk with a parent. Good luck mama!


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## Milky Way (Sep 17, 2004)

I'm so sorry this happend to your son. I too was the victim of peeing when my teacher would not let me go. I was 7 and I pee'd myself on the playground! What gets me is why the building is locked at all? They don't lock ANY buildings here unless it's before/after school. As for the teacher maybe she doesn't know waht to say. Maybe she was just following the rules set by the school, I don't know. Just let your son know even people on mommy's computer board have pee'd themselves.


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## Parthenia (Dec 12, 2001)

Totally unacceptable! At dd's school, the teachers have keys. What's the purpose of locking the building when you lock out the people who should access to the building?
And WTF that he waited too long???? It's so common for kids to wait too long to address their needs when they're having fun outside. That's no excuse.

The mean person in me thinks you should tell your son if he's in that situation again to make it clear he has to pee and his teacher is unhelpful he should tell her he's going to pee on her shoes if she doesn't get off her a$$ and help him.







:

Definitely take it to the next level.


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## Ashleigh (Apr 16, 2005)

I agree, that is definately unacceptable. I am sad for DeVante


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## fyoosh (May 9, 2005)

Gosh how terrible for your son!

Their "policy" seems to be horribly unsafe IMHO. Plus, if they have walkie talkies to access the nurse to open the door, couldn't they just have used them to have someone open it for a kid who needs to pee???

My son just turned 3, but has been using the potty for a while now -- when he is outside at his preschool and has to go REALLY BAD (you know how 3 yr olds never go when they should, they wait til the last minute?), he just whips it out and pees on the ground outside









I swear, though, if he is at a school when he is older and they won't let him go inside, I will tell him to do exactly the same thing he does now! I would rather him get in trouble for peeing outside than get a bladder infection from holding it too long or peeing himself. Serves the school right!









I hope you get some resolve in this matter soon!


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## RubyWild (Apr 7, 2004)

Why do they even lock the doors? I mean, if a kidnapper wants to take a child, all he has to do is knock until one comes along and opens the door for him.

Yikes! What an idiotic policy!


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

I'm so sorry this happened to your son, how awful! I don't blame you for being upset, I would be livid!
I would definatley write to the principal and superintendant. If they can't help kids to the bathroom during recess, then they need a port a potty out there, darn it.


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## RubyWild (Apr 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fyoosh*

I swear, though, if he is at a school when he is older and they won't let him go inside, I will tell him to do exactly the same thing he does now! I would rather him get in trouble for peeing outside than get a bladder infection from holding it too long or peeing himself. Serves the school right!

When my DD was 22 months old, I had her "pee on the grass like a kitty cat" on the lawn of a children's clothing consignment store that wouldn't let us use the bathroom. She was newly potty trained and I did not want an accident!

We still do this at parks that don't have bathrooms. I figure that if dogs are allowed to pee anywhere, my Dd can pee there, too. Of course, this wouldn't work at a school, but if the doors were locked, it sure would be tempting!


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## hopeland (Oct 15, 2005)

I think the note pp gave for examply is excellent. Also the teacher should send all of the childrento the bathroom before going to recess...standard practice for anyone who has been a teacher. You might send some extra clotes too just in case for the future. I would write instead of call and make a copy for your records in case something happens again.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy*
and she said "Well, he didn't knock long enough the 1st time, and to be honest, I think he waited till the very last second" (still didn't answer my question)
-it wasn't a big deal"

The teachers don't have keys! They themselves have to knock on the door to enter the building after recess. I asked what would happen if a child got hurt or there was an emergency and she said they'd use the walkie talkie to have the nurse come out to the child or open the door for the children.

I asked her what we could do to prevent this from happening in the future, to either my son or other children. She says....ready for this?

"Maybe, since he was homeschooled until now he just needs to get used to the routines and customs of being in a class a little better"







: This is the same woman who, 3 days ago, told me my son was getting along nicely, is a pleasure, is fully oriented,









She told me that *any child walking by the hallway knows to open the door when another child or teacher knocks*.







: So all someone has to do to gain easy access into the building is knock on a door?!? This is in the kindergarten wing, mind you--so it's not like they'd have the sense to not let an unknown person in the door. When I asked if this was very safe or logical, she just said "Well, it's what all the teachers here are accustomed to"









So, yeah, I'll be talking with someone higher up, because this really is more of a safety issue than I 1st considered, and the teacher was not helpful at all.

Any advice/support? my exDP, who is angrier than I, cursing like a sailor when I called and told him what happened. He wants to go down to the school and demand a meeting with basically everyone and the policy changed NOW. I love it when his daddy instincts kick it.

My advice? If you get along with your ex well enough to do a bit of planning and coordinating, go to the meeting with him. Otherwise, make a separate meeting of your own.

Ground rules: Don't swear. Keep your points in mind, don't let them bring up other issues.

Regardless of how this goes, demand to have your ds moved to a different teacher. Even if the school policy changes, she'll find ways to be incompetent.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

How horrible of her to take that "serves him right" attitude! I remember being 6 and wanting to go back in to get my coat and being made to feel that I was being granted a HUGE favor by being allowed to. I felt like crying because I thought they weren't going to let me. I also remember being told to eat my lunch when I didn't feel like it. It turns out that I was sick and I threw up in the carpeted classroom. This isn't something your ds is going to forget. Good for you for standing up for him.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

//


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

//


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## SKK (Apr 9, 2005)

Kelly,

I'm so sad that this happened to your little boy. I would be outraged too, and I'm glad you are taking some action.

As for this thread, I'm shocked at how many adults here had something similar happen to them as children! What possible educational (social or academic) purpose can it serve to NOT ALLOW a child to go to the restroom? I understand that the child needs to tell the teacher where s/he is going, so the children's whereabouts can be accounted for, but to arbitrarily not grant permission is RIDICULOUS. I'm so sorry for all of your experiences too.

This never happened to me in school, but I do remember it happening to one boy in the class. Fortunately, I don't remember other students laughing or making fun of him.


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## momof3sweeties (Oct 16, 2005)

Kelly,
I'm really late to this thread...but read most of it too. I am so sorry what happened to your little boy! It is extremely frightening the teacher is minimizing your child's feelings...and yours!

What is the business of having a 6 yo go off the the bathroom by himself anyway? Shouldn'y the TA accompany him or a "buddy".

The teacher doesn't want to admit she made a mistake. She could of easily walked to the door and banged on it herself for your child. This type of teacher is exactly why I don't want my kids in PS. My older son tried PS for a very short time. His teacher was sweet as pie to my face then my ds told me what how she really acted when parents weren't observing.

Hopefully your ds will get over his embarrassment and there aren't kids who make fun of him for something he had no way of controlling.

Also you know...the nurses office or _somewhere_ should have a bin of extra clothing for when kids do have an accident. It wouldn't be that difficult for a few parents to donate some old underwear, pants, socks and shirts to keep on hand.

I would go beyond talking to the teacher, principle, superintendent...if they don't handle this properally. I would tell them nicely you will send a note to the rest of the kids' parents in your dc's class or school for that matter... letting them know exactly what happened.


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

The whole practice is unsafe and the attitude the teacher took is enough for me to want to homeschool!
I would immediately take your concerns about the door to the principal and then higher if need be. It is unacceptable. Make it more about the safety issue of the door- not the teacher- tho let it be known.
UgH. I will write more later and continue to look in!
Hugs
Em


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

This is outrageous and upsetting on all levels.







to your ds
I would definitely not let it drop. I would focus on what are they going to change in future so this doesn't happen again. (have teachers take kids seriously when they have to go potty, put a porta-potty outside, give the teachers outside a key, have extra clothes in case of accidents, apologize to the child, etc.) I might talk to other parents to see how they feel about the locked door also. This has to have happened to other kids.

I peed my pants in grade school more than once due to dorky restroom use policies and remember sitting in the office (still wet for all to see and smell) waiting for my mom as teachers and kids walked by me. It was incredibly humiliating. I guess things haven't changed much for the better in schools with regards to restroom use.


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## Pandora114 (Apr 21, 2005)

Ugh I dont get the potty nazi mentality *And I do mean the word in the authoritarian know it all do it my way or else meaning* of Elementary school teachers..

Seriously, I'd rather have a child miss out on 3 minutes of class, than be distracted as all getout with the urge to go, as WELL AS possibly missing the rest of the day due to having to go home because of wet clothes.

My elementary school was like that.

1: you could NOT pee during class time. You had to go at recess or lunch, and guess what, you were marched outside like ducks in a row without the opportunity to stop, as well as marched back in without opportunity to stop. Lunch times? Sit at desk eat lunch for 15 minutes not allowed to get up or speak during that time, then lined up and marched outside.

Oh yeah doors were locked at all times too and we weren't allowed in either except for life or death emergencies.

Needless to say I had alot of dehydrated classmates because we realized that if we didn't drink, we didn't have to go pee therefore wet our clothes.

Did I mention they made us hand them our lunchboxes. The teacher went through our lunchboxes for anything he/she considered "junky" seriously, Cookies, birthday cupcakes, you name it, was confiscated...

My husband broke the dehydration conditioning while in the Persian Gulf....

Me on the other hand...still wont drink enough water because of the whole pee thing...

Mabe that's why adults dont drink enough water, due to early school conditioning...


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I am so sorry, not only that your son is going through this, but that you are going through this. I got a call from my son's teacher in the begining of the year saying that he was leaving the class and wandering the hallways for 20 minutes at a time due to hos frustration with adapting to first grade. From what I understand this happened over and over again. My son 6 year old son was left to wonder the hall by himself, with construction going on in the school. and construction workers able to come in. I was not pleased, and it made me sick to my stomach to think about what could have happened to him. Thankfully, we handled it with the school,and although they made excuses for him being left to wonder the halls, it never happened again.

Sorry to babble, but I just wanted to let youknow that I understand how frustrating and sickening it can be when you don't feel that your son is being taken care of the way he should be, and that his needs are being taken for granted. Keep up what your doing, and now take it to the next level, the principal. I would wait on tryin gto change his class, just because it is so hard on a child to have to make new friends at this point in the year.


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## FroNuff (Apr 3, 2003)

Wow, I'm sorry you and your son are going through this. I agree with the others, take it up to the next level and don't let this just drop. That teacher sounds like a real winner...what was with her little jab at homeschooling?









Good luck to you.


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

My mom has been a kindergarten teacher for 23 years. I asked her about her school and what she thought. She said each teacher had a key and they could and would unlock it.
This knocking business is not safe- in many ways.
She said to remain calm- and talk to the principal- and if you get no where go to the school board- superindendent- whatever.
It is not safe. They are not protecting anyone by letting children open the doors to strangers. I am sure there are parents there in custody disputes that would really like to know that all their ex spouse has to do is knock on the door.
Emilie


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## littlemama06 (Oct 29, 2005)

That is so sad.I am so sorry for your little boy.


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## Fiercemama (May 30, 2003)

I'm sorry that you and your son have had this situation.

If you are concerned about the safety of policies at your child's school, check out the book "Protecting the Gift". I should be required reading for every parent IMHO, but its got information on what you should ask your school about their safety and emergency policies.


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## ChristaN (Feb 14, 2003)

Another thing that I don't understand is why the school doesn't have a loan closet of clothes for situations like this. I have never known an elementary school that doesn't keep some extra clothes in the office for kids who have accidents, fall in a big puddle or whatever. He should have been discretely escorted to the office by an ADULT not a kid, given a change of clothes & and had his wet clothes sent home in a bag.


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## my2girlsmama (Oct 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy*
UPDATE:
I told her that DeVante was very upset, and she said "Well, the really good thing is that no one really saw him after he had the accident-it wasn't a big deal" *(way to minimize a 6 year old's feelings!)* I explained to her that yes, people did notice, because he had to call out to her that he wet himself, and he was accompanied to the nurses office by a female classmate, and was forced to sit in his own urine for about 20 minutes for everyone to see and smell, and _we_ thought that _was_ a big deal.

She says....ready for this?

"Maybe, since he was homeschooled until now he just needs to get used to the routines and customs of being in a class a little better"







: This is the same woman who, 3 days ago, told me my son was getting along nicely, is a pleasure, is fully oriented,









So, yeah, I'll be talking with someone higher up, because this really is more of a safety issue than I 1st considered, and the teacher was not helpful at all.

Any advice/support? My family (mother and father) are both saying "Oh would you just drop it already"...they never once stood up for me, my issues and feelings and safety were never important enough, and I don't want my son to know what that feels like...so *I'd really like only supportive advice from this point on*, as I've already made my decision to try and change this stupid policy as well as get an apology from the school nurse.

Thank you all,
Kelly

And supportive advice you shall get.









All I can reply to the above bolded type is Oh my ever loving God!







I am SO FED UP with this asinine response teachers/school staff give.

For what it's worth, my child hasn't been homeschooled, but apparently because DH and I practice a gentler way of parenting she has less social skills and is timid for their liking.

I don't know, if *I* was forced to stay out of the classroom in the morning until I emptied my bag of books and lunchbag to carry it all in my little 6 yr old arms, I'd be freaking out too.............needless to say I am preparing my wording for a meeting on that one come December. I am so utterly with you on the taking it to a higher level. I plan to as well. I'm even on parent council if for no reason other than to be able to be in on things and have at it when need be with principal who herself is a moron...she took the side of a grade 6 recently when this kid was *touching and picking up and carrying on* with my dd and her friends...luring them to side of yard they were not supposed to be.....she says "oh hey that kid is nice...your kid is just 6 and doesn't understand" Yeah ok you wentch. I have taught my kid good touch bad touch and ANY touch that is not comfy is to be reported..but they ignored her.

You have to be so on top of this crap it is scary, and angering.

Hang in there mama. Keep copies of all that you write, meet with principal, then go higher up until you get AN APOLOGY and the rules at least are looked over and revised.


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

Coming in reeeeally late. I am so sorry that happened to your little guy. My mama bear insticts fired up as soon as I read your post. The whole thing is just ridiculous! I can't believe the teacher responded like that and then brought in the homeschooling thing.







I agree, keep going until your son gets an apology. Then instead of remembering it as that embarassing time he peed himself when he was 6, he will remember it as the time his mama kicked butt for him.


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## Threefold (Nov 27, 2001)

Chiming in here as another teacher mama.
They can't pee freely at recess?
Can they drink water?
There are not spare clothes to loan?
Teachers don't have keys, yet kids open the door whenever someone knocks?









My school office falls short in many areas, but every single person in there is compassioante when a child has an accident, and there is a cabinet stuffed full of spare clothes!
So sorry mama







to you and Devante.
And







for following through on this. I don't think you should let it go, their policy needs some major overhauling, IMHO







.


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## greenluv (Jul 26, 2002)

I've followed this thread from the beginning.

Go for the jugular, mama!! Be sure they understand in no uncertain terms that the problem does not lie with your son, but with their attitudes.


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## millionmom (Oct 30, 2005)

Coming from a teacher's point of view, I think your best bet would be to make an appointment with the teacher to discuss the situation. I don't think going to the administration right away is your best solution. Your son is in that classroom for the rest of the year and going over her head to the administration before knowing her side of the story could make the situation that much worse. Try to work it out with her first.
It is always a good idea for small children to have extra clothes at school. We request this each year (I teach kindergarten) and it's very frustrating when students don't have clothes. If their clothes are there it makes the situation so much less of an embarrassment!


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Well, I spoke with the Ass't Principal Ms. H (who kept calling me Mrs. B, even though I told her that my name is Ms. V and that I was never married to ds's dad--but that's a whole other thread!)

I voiced my concern about the student's safety in regards to kids letting in anyone that knocks, and was told that there are cameras in the hallways and security gaurds that do rounds. Also, they are in the process of getting the teachers badges and will hook up a swiper outside the door so that the teachers can unlock it. So that's good.

I also mentioned how my son's emotional needs were not met, and she told me she'd have a talk with Ms. C about that, how it's such a routine thing for teachers to deal with









I then got into how my son was treated in the nurses office and how I'd be more than happy to donate clothes in his size and that he's grown out of or help start a collection through the PTO so that when this happens again (to another child), there will be a change of clothes and not only will that tone down the embarassment, but it will save the child from losing time in class while his parents bring in some new clothes. I was told "Well, they do that in kindergarten, but there isn't enough of a need in 1st grade" which kind of annoyed me, because moments ago, she just said it was very common.







:

But either way, she said she'll have a talk with the nurse as well about being more sensitive to the children's needs and will discuss with the 1st grade teachers at the next "grade level meeting" (?) ways to help children into the building quicker in the event of an emergency or need to use the bathroom.

She also apologized that ds went through this, and told me that I did the right thing, coming to her with my issues.

Overall, it went okay. Not as great as I had hoped, but not as bad as I ad feared.

Thank you to all the mamas for their support and advice. I appreciate it.
Kelly


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## shine (Nov 20, 2001)

It bothers me that your school officials took your son's embarassment so lightly. Since both the teacher and the asst. principal are women, perhaps you could illustrate your point by asking them how they would feel if it happened to them. Many women struggle with bladder control problems and most of the women I know have bladders the size of a grape (I know I do). I'm sure if they were in the position of needing to use the restroom and couldn't get to one, they might see the situation differently.

An available restroom is a reasonable request since most places don't allow peeing on the ground, and why can't they put a buzzer on the door and a video cam to buzz people in when they need to?

I'm sorry your kiddo had to experience that.


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

I am glad they are getting an outdoor entry system. Keep on top of when tho!
Good for you for taking a stand. So many people just shrug and say that is the way it is- when things are WRONG!
Go ahead and take a change of clothes for your son.
I can remember children peeing their pants in many gradeschool grades. Somewhat due to the fact they were NOT ALLOWED TO GO!
I hope your son is doing ok.
Hugs mama
Emilie


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## RubyWild (Apr 7, 2004)

Why don't the teachers have keys? Did she answer that?


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## momma2mingbu (Jun 1, 2002)

What they may not be considering in turning down the idea of a clothes closet at school - what about kids who get SICK at school, not just toileting accidents? My son puked all over himself there once this year (in FIRST grade) and they were able to give him a change of clothes. You might bring that up.


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## CookieMonsterMommy (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RubyWild*
Why don't the teachers have keys? Did she answer that?

There's not even a key hole. The way it is right now, it's completely unaccessable from the outside, unless opened from the inside.

The buzzer thing is a good idea...but that would have to pass budget and actually be worked on, which would take a while. It might make more sense to wait till the teachers can open it themselves at this point....

I think I'll just birng in a box of used but wearable clothes to the nurses office. if they don't like the idea, they can donate the clothes. (Ms. H. said there was an issue of the clothes being clean enough to put on other kids. Um...wash em 1st?)

Thanks again!

Kelly


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## taz925 (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CookieMonsterMommy*

I think I'll just birng in a box of used but wearable clothes to the nurses office. if they don't like the idea, they can donate the clothes. (Ms. H. said there was an issue of the clothes being clean enough to put on other kids. Um...wash em 1st?)

Wouldn't they rather have dirty clothes on than sit in pee filled ones! Way to be sensitive! Could you have your child have a change of clothes in his locker or backpack? I sometimes send extra pants etc. when I send him with snow stuff.


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