# If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.



## MistyD

Hello everyone,

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.

I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.

Thank you.









(edit for spelling)


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## Tanibani

Here is my story... if you want me to edit it, let me know.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My son's circumcision is the biggest regret of my life. I missed that Dr. Phil episode (aired a few months ago, where the mother went on TV all broken up with regret over circumcising her baby - he was dismissive of her feelings), but I totally relate. I felt a LOT of guilt and intense anger over my son's circ, especially after I read this article which I stumbled upon at the Public Library (my son was then 6 months old).
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/fleiss.html

I literally couldn't finish reading through it for weeks without crying my eyes out. I had to force myself to finish it. I finally learned what my son had lost in the circumcision: a normal, 100% feeling, healthy functioning penis.

I learned that the foreskin has a purpose: to protect the glans from urine & feces (and amonia in diapers). So the argument that it's more sanitary is false. http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/

· When the glans is exposed to these elements (not to mention chafing from underwear) it looses even more sensitivity. This is a problem for many circumcised men in the late 40s and beyond.

*The foreskin has numerous protective, sensory, and sexual functions.*

· *Protection*: Just as the eyelids protect the eyes, the foreskin protects the glans and keeps its surface soft, moist, and sensitive. It also maintains optimal warmth, pH balance, and cleanliness. The glans itself contains no sebaceous glands-glands that produce the sebum, or oil, that moisturizes our skin.11 The foreskin produces the sebum that maintains proper health of the surface of the glans.
· *Immunological Defense*: The mucous membranes that line all body orifices are the body's first line of immunological defense. Glands in the foreskin produce antibacterial and antiviral proteins such as lysozyme.12 Lysozyme is also found in tears and mother's milk. Specialized epithelial Langerhans cells, an immune system component, abound in the foreskin's outer surface.13 Plasma cells in the foreskin's mucosal lining secrete immunoglobulins, antibodies that defend against infection.14
· *Erogenous Sensitivity*: The foreskin is as sensitive as the fingertips or the lips of the mouth. It contains a richer variety and greater concentration of specialized nerve receptors than any other part of the penis.15 These specialized nerve endings can discern motion, subtle changes in temperature, and fine gradations of texture.16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23
· *Coverage During Erection*: As it becomes erect, the penile shaft becomes thicker and longer. The double-layered foreskin provides the skin necessary to accommodate the expanded organ and to allow the penile skin to glide freely, smoothly, and pleasurably over the shaft and glans.
· *Self-Stimulating Sexual Functions*: The foreskin's double-layered sheath enables the penile shaft skin to glide back and forth over the penile shaft. The foreskin can normally be slipped all the way, or almost all the way, back to the base of the penis, and also slipped forward beyond the glans. This wide range of motion is the mechanism by which the penis and the orgasmic triggers in the foreskin, frenulum, and glans are stimulated.
· *Sexual Functions in Intercourse*: One of the foreskin's functions is to facilitate smooth, gentle movement between the mucosal surfaces of the two partners during intercourse. The foreskin enables the penis to slip in and out of the vagina nonabrasively inside its own slick sheath of self-lubricating, movable skin. The female is thus stimulated by moving pressure rather than by friction only, as when the male's foreskin is missing.
· The foreskin fosters intimacy between the two partners by enveloping the glans and maintaining it as an internal organ. The sexual experience is enhanced when the foreskin slips back to allow the male's internal organ, the glans, to meet the female's internal organ, the cervix-a moment of supreme intimacy and beauty.

*Here is my son's circ story:*

My husband wanted our son circumcised; I did not. He grew up on all the myths that it is cleaner and healthier. He is Jewish, but was not raised religiously _at all_. So for him, this wasn't a religious Bris issue (had to be done because of God's will). For him, he was (wrongly) convinced (without doing ANY research to the contrary) that it was necessary and beneficial.

BTW, his sister and BIL (both Jewish) decided 14 years ago NOT to have their first born son circumcized. The whole family (remember, who are NOT observant) went nuts. Some members were very critical and said mean things. The kid today is learning Hebrew with his dad and just had his Bar Mitzbah. He had NEVER had a problem with his penis and does not (as far as his parents know) have "issues" with being uncircumcised. In addition, he has a 6 year old brother with developmental delays (from birth) and is not circumcised either. This time, the family didn't say boo and again - no health problems.

Anyway, back to my story.... in order to relieve my rising blood pressure anytime we argued about it, I let the issue drop and chose not to research. I convinced myself that I should be supportive of my husband's wishes, even though I really did not want my son cut.

Both my husband and I were present during the hospital circumcision and our son was 2 days old. We wanted to be present to "protect" him from anything bad happening. How naiive I was. Our presence did not protect him at all. I did not know what exactly happened during a circumcision (if I did, there was no way in hell I would have consented) and what I saw will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Shortly after our son was born, I had a horrible pit in my stomach and my wish NOT to have this done was incredibly strong. I have never felt something this strong (intuitively) in my life. I tried to talk to my husband, but not having any facts to support my feelings, it was of little use. He was determined to go ahead. At that moment, I regretted not researching it and having any arguments to counter him with. The people I asked about it (my pre-natal yoga instructor, a doula, a pediatrician who performs circumcisions) gave me vague, useless answers.

What I witnessed was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life.

We wanted a topical anesthetic (any and all anesthesia) it was applied a few moments by the OB before the procedure. I later learned that the best way for the anesthesia to truly take effect would be to apply it at least 30 minutes beforehand. The topical stuff is only superficial.

The OB stuck a sharp instrument inside my son's foreskin to loosen it from the glans. (This was extremely invasive.) At that point it was clear to me that the foreskin is something that was never meant to be separated from the glans. It was adhered tightly. Then there was no turning back. I realized then that our presence was useless. Our son was already being hurt and being there did not stop the harm. But that was not the worse thing I saw&#8230;at the end of the circumcision, the OB ripped off the foreskin from his penis. This is a typical circumcision provided by American physicians.

Imagine someone tearing a piece of skin off your arm. How would one react? I would imagine that I would pass out from the extreme pain and shock.

My son was sucking on a sugary pacifier and held down by a nurse. My son never cried during the circumcision. Like many newborns, my son fell into a deep sleep on the spot. I am convinced that the shock and pain caused him to go into a deep, stressful sleep. Why do I say this? In the nursery, he cried and cried for me. He was unable to be soothed. The mechanical rocker did not work. The pacifier did not work. Nothing worked. The only thing that soothed him was being picked up and held. In fact, that is the only way he could be put to sleep. So why, all the sudden, does he "fall asleep" so effortlessly after a medical procedure? The only explanation is trauma.

We were never told to offer our son Tylenol for a few days at home. In hindsight, this is commonsense, but it never occurred to us. No doubt, the medication wore off and my son felt his throbbing injury in the first few weeks at home. He did cry (high-pitched screams) often and I did not know why. Now I do.

I learned later that most medical doctors perform an "American" circumcision, which removes the entire foreskin. The problem here is that it could lead to erection problems (skin stretches too tight) over the penis in the future. Sadly, parents are not told any facts about what the foreskin is: why it is there, how it is removed, and potential sexual problems in adulthood.

The essential problem is that most people, including medical professionals, are not aware of the function and purpose of the foreskin. That is why they are so quick to suggest removing it. Not to mention the financial gain (for pediatrician, obstetricians and hospitals) from this _unnecesary_ cosmetic procedure.

*MY FEELINGS OF GUILT AND ANGER*
For a very long, long time, I kicked myself with guilt and regret for not researching this issue. I was really, really torn up about this. I signed the damn consent form, against my VERY STRONG instincts, screaming at me that this was the wrong thing to do. DH was full-speed ahead. At that moment, I regretted not having any facts (research) to counter him with. If I did, my son would have remained intact (uncircumcised).

Never having seen an intact penis, I used to think that the circumcised penis was beautiful. Now, I saw it differently and for what it truly was: a scarred penis. I saw how it got that way. My son has a scar and I USED TO CRY every time I changed his diaper and saw his little scar. Now I knew without a doubt that he lost something integral - an important part of his anatomy. I was also very angry with my husband and it did strain our marriage for a while. We had to go to counseling. I can understand how "extreme" this sounds to some. But you need to remember I witnessed my newborn baby being harmed before my eyes&#8230; all for nothing.

I was also angry with my SIL for not calling me to give me the heads up about this issue when I was pregnant. I was angry with FIT PREGNANCY magazine for not discussing this issue AT ALL. Stupid, I know.

Sadly, later I learned that DH feels that women (because one told him so) think an Intact penis is "ugly." Apparently, many American women feel this way.





















I never did! So, subconsciously, he did not want HIS son to feel rejected by some (moronic) woman. If some twit were to reject him because of THAT, he's better off IMO. Again, there is misinformation... because American women (i heard an interview with the Go-Gos once - who slept with everyone!) who have slept with both Americans and European, PREFER the feeling of a foreskin during sex. It feels better to both during lovemaking. Hmmm, no wonder so many woman "aren't in the mood" and there are so many ads aimed at American men about "enhancing" this or that.

Perhaps if circumcision were not routine in American society, men would not suffer from "erection problems," the "need" for Viagra in later life, and couples would not experience sexual incompatibility and disappointments.

*What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Circumcision: Untold Facts on America's Most Widely Performed-and Most Unnecessary Surgery* by Paul M. Fleiss, MD
http://www.twbookmark.com/books/70/0446678805/

How upset am (was I) over this ? Like I said, I used to cry daily. I force myself not to torture myself by dwelling on it anymore&#8230; if I had a daughter, and she had part of her clitoris removed (which enhances/senses sexual pleasure) I would be as sad and devasted. This to me is the same thing.

If I am blessed with another boy, he will not be circumcized. DH accepts this now. Ironically, he has a 13 year old from a previous marriage, who lives in a country where circumcision is not routine, and thus, is not circumcised.







Again, no health problems.


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## DreamsInDigital

My oldest son is circumsized and I regret it immensely after reading some of the no-circ websites. I am glad that I ultimately decided against circumsizing for my youngest, but I deeply regret that I was not informed in time to save my oldest. When he asked me about the difference between how they look, I explained it to him, and then promptly hid in the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes.
If I could only take it back, I would in a heartbeat.


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## somemama

The thought of circ crossed my mind when I was pregnant.....and I regret even that. I cannot imagine the anguish I would feel, knowing what I know now, if I had actually had my son circ'd.

Here's an appeal to new fathers:
http://noharmm.org/appeal.htm

and another argument against the "father/son" continuation of circ:
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/Like-Son.htm


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## Gitti

When my son was born he was so beautiful, I don't know why it never crossed my mind to leave him exactly the way God had created him. There was absolutely no need to improve His creation.

But the next day the doctor came into the room and said, we'll circumcise him tomorrow, and I just said, OK.

It was a bad circumcision. Part of the foreskin was left intact and the whole head looked like it was twisted. And he bled for a long time. I regretted it very much. I cried every time I changed his diapers. I still feel sorry that I was not better informed. And now that I am informed, I feel even worse that I took such an important part of his penis, a part that gives so much pleasure to men, and we threw it into the garbage. Why? Why would a doctor do that? For what reason would anyone take a part of a human being and cut it off? I could cry just thinking about it. My son is now 35 yr. old and I really still regrett it.

A few years ago he asked me why I had him circumcised at birth, why I bothered to do that, why I didn't just leave it alone?

I had no answers. I told him that I had regretted it many times and I was sorry even now. He harbors no bad feelings toward me, but I know he wishes he were intact.

When his sister was pregnant with a boy he came right out and told us not to circumcise him. Of couse she was not planning on it anyway, even though her husband had very much wanted to.

My son and his wife were very instrumental in informing their brother-in-law and encouraging his sister to stick with her decision.

And I was really proud of all of them when my grandson was left intact. He is 6 now and the first intact male in our family.

He'll never come and ask why we cut a part of him off after birth. And he can get it cut off if he ever wants to but sexually active intact guys usually don't get rid of the best part of their penises.


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## Frankly Speaking

My parents circumcised their son and I deeply regret it. It wasn't theirs top cut off and they did not have to live with the after effects.

Frank


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## Ligmom

I am a mother of 3 amazing little boys (ages 5yo, 3yo, and almost 1yo). My two oldest sons are circumsised--the oldest b/c I didn't know any better and the second b/c the hospital did it w/o my permission. It breaks my heart whenever I see them naked or if it just crosses my mind to know that I am responsible for surgically changing their bodies w/o their permission simply so that they will "look right". Circumcision has NO medical benifit--the AAP has stated this very clearly. I wish I could go back in time and return their bodies to their natural state, but circumcision is a one time choice---ONCE YOU DO IT, IT CAN NEVER BE UNDONE! Shouldn't your son have the right to choose how his body looks? Should he face the risks of a surgical procedure simply b/c "everyone else is circ'd" (which by the way isn't the case anymore--the statistics show a decrease in RIC)? More than that, shouldn't he be allowed to experience life intact as God made him?
My third son is not circumcised. He is intact --as he should be. I have family ask me frequently what I will tell my sons about why ds3 is different than ds1 & 2. I will tell them the truth...I didn't know the facts before but I do now, and when you know better--you do better.
Please research this decision before you make it for your son--I wish I had.


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## Sarah

Misty- It is very nice what you are doing for your friends. One of the sad things about circumcision is this pressure to decide right now... and there are so many other decisions we have to make... like what kind of car seat to buy.

We did not circumcise our son, so my reply does not really fit in with your request, but for stories, but I wanted to share our experience with this "decision".

I had a very complicated and dangerous pregnancy, I had Placenta Previa and was on bedrest. I told my husband that we would not circumcise our baby- my #1 reason was because I had lived in Europe and I knew that the foreskin was an important part of male sexual anatomy... and respecting it in that way- I did not think this was the sort of decisionthat parents should even be allowed to make... you don't cut another person's penis... period.

But the problem was, my husband who was circumcised could not IMAGINE that a foreskin was a part of a penis, because he didn't have a foreskin... and his penis was FINE... not DAMAGED! He could not get over that leap between him being sexually fine and another man being fine with even more sexual anatomy than he had. He was in a state of panic between common sense and self defense. Our fights were fierce- I was astounded at his reaction- he did not seem like himself- it was like he was a robot who was programmed with a execute circumcision command... and my putting an unplanned obstacle in that path made the whole system go berzerk.

The most upsetting scene of the whole time was my husband curled in a fetal position on the couch with a pillow crammed over his crotch crying... and still demanding that we had to do this. For me it was like watching regression therapy- I was seeing my husband relive the pain of his own circumcision... his outward body clenched in such a self defensive curl- emotionally he was begging to have a solution to this pain... and the solution that he thought he had found was to circumcise the baby... to make circumcision right. It was the only way he could convince himself that circumcision is a reasonable thing to do to babies...to men.

I guess the real him won out... he took the time to do some research in private (where he did not need to feel embarrased to learn or cry or whatever) and he came to realise that circumcision is not good for babies, and that we would NOT be circumcising our baby. The turnaround was fast- and a good thing too- because when the baby came 5 weeks early in a torrent of blood with a 18 inch blizzard shutting down the interstate- our family needed unity and love and trust. I was still KO from the emergency c section when the Dr asked my Husband when we would tell him the BAD news about the circumcision- my husband was the one who said WE AREN'T

The Dr was happily surprised. "Where are you FROM?" he asked... assuming that no one from here (Cincinnati area) would not habitually circumcise their baby.

It wasn't till years later that the irony of that comment became more clear... my husband talked to his parents about his circumcision, to tell them about how circumcision had effected him and that he was now restoring his foreskin non-surgicly to try to un-do some of that damage... What his parents told him was a real shock. He was circumcised without any parental consent- he was in the nursery and the circumciser cut the baby without even asking. He made the boy NOT match his father... every man in the family was intact- but that Dr took the intact baby and cut him without asking a single member of the family- all would have said no if they had been asked. No one told this boy the truth, no one told him that his circumcision was not something chosen for him- that it was a horrible sign of a lapse in security... dad out of town and mom on KO drugs from a c section... and a hospital with a universal circumcision program...

NO wonder all the dads in Cincinnati are insisting their sons be circumcised... they were all circumcised whether their parents wanted it or not. The hospital system of a few decades ago was erasing our common knowledge of human anatomy and sexuality. Was distorting our idea of normal. When surgicly modified is the presumed given. It's not given... it's taken.

It took me, a transplant from somewhere else, to carry in the seeds of doubt about the rightness of what was happening. That doctor knew that something was up when that dad said no... he knew he had been exposed to some outside thought- because the program to erase male knowledge of their own anatomy here is Cincinnati had been so "sucessful"

I hope that this father gets the compassion and support that he needs and I hope that he has the courage to bravely uncover the history of his own circumcision and to question his motives in doing this to his son. It is very hard work. I recomend the history book by David Gollaher- he can get it on Amazon.

I also hope that this mother has the courage to protect her child. This is not something that needs to have an agreement. If either parent wants to protect the child from the cutting motivation of the other parent- they have full power to protect the child. The benefit of the doubt will always lie with the child and the rightness of his body. The onus is upon the person who would cut him, to prove it must be done. Even in court, this argument has never been made- circumcisers are powerless if the child has an advocate. Circumcision only happens in the absence of protection. The is no need to make a case for NOT circumcising, the child is born that way- he got the genetic program for his penis from his father, his foreskin comes from his father... it is the GIVEN.

Love Sarah


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## mom2tig99Nroo03

i deeply regret not knowing then (pre having my son) what i do now. any future son i am blessed with will *NOT*  have part of his body removed.


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## Midwesternmomma

My son is not intact and he does not match his father. We really, really had a hard time with this and went back and forth, but in the end we did it because we couldn't decide. WHAT A STUPID REASON!! It was more a..."Oh, I guess do it, I don't know.." attitude. If only I knew then what I know now. God made him perfect, I mutalated him. Don't do it to your child!

Christina


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## rainbowmum

What brave mothers you are for sharing here.














. I live in the UK and most who curcumsise here (the percentages are so much lower than US) do so for religious reasons. It is NOT common practice here as in the US. Thank goodness as many boys are growing up pain free, untraumatised by curcumsision and as nature intended. My ds is 21mths old and uncicrc'ed. We ahve no problems with cleaning him/hygiene etc. Step outside society's norms and truly question WHY things are done? In whose best interests? The answers you yourself come to will be enlighteneing. Much love xx


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## phathui5

It's so embarassing for me to post this. My ds, who was my first baby and I had when I was 16, is circumcised. I didn't get what I was allowing done to him and I would not choose it again. It makes me sad every time I think about what I signed that form for.

I told them to cut off part of my perfect baby when he was just fine the way he was. They didn't use any pain medication at all. So he was lying there, strapped down, and operated on, and he could feel it all. And I did nothing to help him. For days afterwards all he would do was sleep. I had to wake him to eat and then he would go right back to sleep. The hardest thing for me was taking care of his little bloody, scabby penis when I had to change his diaper.

Don't put yourself and your baby through what we went through. You won't regret not circumcising, but you may very well regret going through with it.


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## Unreal

I so regret having my first son circumcised. I was young. I was stupid. I will never be responsible for having that done to another child ever again.

When I was pregnant, I found and loved Dr Sear's The Baby Book. I read what he said about circumcisions. But when the pediatrician I had picked out said she recommended it to all her parents, I figured what did I know....

So I let some MORON doctor, who couldn't even be responsible for a decent delivery, cut my poor newborn baby.
Why on earth should a doctor who went to school and studied FEMALE ANATOMY and works with FEMALES all day long be in charge of surgery on a 2 day old MALE baby?

Anyhow--I cried when I saw what they did to him. I cried when I changed his diapers and he cried when the diapers touched him.
I cried when the ring around his poor penis got all yellow and gunky.
I cried when he cried as the pediatrician 'inspected' him for infection.

Why on earth do we insist on having elective SURGERY on our newborns? Why do we live in a society that presents this as a procedure, not an invasive surgery?

When i was pregnant with ds2, dh was concerned about him not 'matching' and what would I say to ds1 about it....
I looked ds1 in the eyes and told him that I am sorry. That I didn't know better. That I did what I thought was best--and yet still need to say I'm sorry, because what I thought was best just wasn't good enough.
I should have researched. I should have asked. I should have done something other than blindly following.

ds2 is intact and we haven't regretted it for a second.
Amazing, when you think of all the years of regret I've had and years of regret yet to come over having ds1 circ'd.

Do yourself a favor. Hold your baby in your arms and don't let go. Not for anything.
Look your baby over from head to toe and realize that he is perfect just the way he is.


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## Justice2

Quote:

_Originally posted by Frankly Speaking_
*My parents circumcised their son and I deeply regret it. It wasn't theirs top cut off and they did not have to live with the after effects.

Frank*
The week after the circumcision of my son was the worst of my life. I fully expect my son to feel the way you do, Frank. It is to my horror that I didn't know better to stop it from happening. It will not happen to any other children that I give birth to.


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## cinnamonamon

I circumcised my son so he would "be like his father." My husband didn't have terribly strong feelings one way or the other, so we decided to just do it so they would be "the same."

I had already watched my three day old son have his heel cut and squeezed to retrieve blood for a birilium (jaundice) test. Two days later it was done again. The next day, we took him to the Doctor's office for the circumcision. I held him in the waiting room for an agonizing hour while he fussed -- not breastfeeding him because I was told the Doctor would be "right with us," and I was still quite shy about the whole thing (it included pulling my shirt up around my neck, 4 pillows, 2 hands and a knee at first).

The nurse told me we were allowed to come back and watch if we wanted -- I looked at her dumbfounded and told her I couldn't stand to watch & let someone hurt my son. I wish so much that I had gone with my instinct at that moment to turn and run with my infant in my arms. Instead I handed my fussy, hungry infant over. 15 minutes later my husband and myself were called back (I now realize that it is highly unlikely that the anestetic they used had time to take effect before they were even finished -- let alone started). I walked into the room as my son stopped screaming and crying. He simply stared.

I looked away from his anguished eyes and saw the board they had strapped him to. It was made of hard plastic shaped in a sort of oval big enough for a newborn. The form had an indentation in the shape of a baby's head, body, arms and legs. There were straps attached to hold his arms, legs, and body down and motionless. Seeing that board further drove home to me that I had just made a terrible, terrible mistake. I wanted nothing more than to beg his forgiveness. When I finally put him to my breast he would not nurse. It would be two hours before he would accept this comfort, although he should have been ravenously hungry.

To anyone contemplating circumcision, I would say this: Please, _please_ do not cut your child just to make him like his father or because it is easier to clean. Consider the weeks of pain your child would go through while you clean, poke and prod his healing penis -- which will be more tramatic, this -- or normal maintenance on a normal, natural penis? My husband cringed every time he changed our son's diaper. "It just looks so painful," he commented often. And realistically, when will a child's penis actually look like his father's? Perhaps when he becomes an adult -- but how many adult men compare these things with their fathers? And statistically, barely 50% of males are circumcised (and I have found this to be true in even the most "mainstream" playgroups), so boys will not be pointed and laughed at in the proverbial locker room. Which seems silly in any case as I hardly think locker rooms are full of naked men running around looking at each other!

Good luck, Misty. You are doing a wonderful thing. I wish I had a friend like you 12 1/2 months ago.

edited to add: any additional sons will NOT be cut -- my husband and I agree on this... _...when you know better you do better..._


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## Domestic Goddess

I didn't circ. my two sons..thank god!

In our newspaper today there was an article about a baby who died from the procedure b/c he bled to death.

It really breaks my heart, please don't put your child through this!


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## MistyD

Thank you for sharing your stories, sadly the dad will not change his mind. The baby was born today (a great hospital birth) and he will be circ'ed tomorrow.
















I will keep hoping and praying that he will change his mind. I feel very sad.


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## sahli29

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## Bladestar5

I was pressured by everyone who told me it was "cleaner" and all that mumbo jumbo. I still want to cry today when I think about it. He was a quiet little sweet thing and he came back with a red face from crying and was crying so hard. I was so heartbroken. I will NEVER let another son of mine be circ'd. I have a picture of my baby boy before he was cut. It is hard to look at my boy's perfect newborn penis in that photo. My son had no say in what we allowed to have done to him.


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## Frankly Speaking

Quote:

_Originally posted by zacksmom_
*Our son also had a particularly traumatic experience during his circumcision where he almost suffocated and it still haunts me.*

I'm sure it does since there are no medical personnel there to resusitate him should there be asphyxia or his heart should stop.

Frank


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## Peppermint

I was going to take the time to post my story into this thread, but I see that they decided to do it
















Is there any chance that there could be a "sticky" in this forum for stories like this? I don't come into this forum all that often, but want my (my son's) story posted here to affect others.


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## EBM

This is my first time coming to this forum. I was so ignorant of what was involved with circumsion. Both my boys were circumcised. I didn't know that a baby could die, or experience sexual problems later on in life.

I would have never allowed the procedure if I had an inkling of what was involved.


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## sparklemama

Quote:

_Originally posted by Frankly Speaking_
*I'm sure it does since there are no medical personnel there to resusitate him should there be asphyxia or his heart should stop.

Frank*
Actually there were two medical professionals present, one a pediatrician the other an EMT, but it still scared the heck out of me.


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## sahli29

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## lizzie

Okay.. I'm new at this posting stuff and just saw the next thread, the religious debate thread? I'm not trying to preach to anyone, and if you disagree with my beliefs, that's your issue. I was only speaking to people who might share my former naive concern that I would be offending my God if I didn't circ my son, and are looking here for answers.

lizzie


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## Frankly Speaking

Lizzie:

I think you can relax. The intent of the religious discussion rule is to stop provocative statements and I saw nothing provocative in your message. If you are guilty, I would be too and would have been banned from here long ago.

Welcome to our group. I hope you will be with us often.

Frank


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## lizzie

Thanks, Frank!

You certainly seem to KNOW what you're talking about! My dh was very interested and impressed to know there is an educated man contributing to the anti-circ discussions. He always thought the lack thereof was odd, considering that you guys are the primary targets of circing to begin with!

And not to worry... I'll be around all too often. The only thing I do faster than type my opinion is say it! Thank goodness this isn't THAT instant, for my own sake!









Lizzie


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## MommaCheesehead

I had my first son circumcized when he was born in '92. I was young, uneducated and assumed it was just the way things were supposed to be. I bought into the whole "don't you want him to look like his father?" argument.

When I changed his diaper for the first time after the procedure I was horrified. It looked so raw and sore and I was in tears over the agony he must have gone through. The nurses assured me that he felt no pain. How could they possibly know that?

When I got pregnant with Ben I assumed his father would want the baby circ'd since he was.

And the happy ending to the story is that Dave was wholeheartedly against it and my beautiful little Ben is intact


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## thepeach80

We had our son circed and I regret it (DH doesn't, yet). I did it b/c DH wanted to and it was the thing to do, I never knew any different. The thing that should've tipped me off was when he slept all day the day of his surgery and wouldn't even wake to eat! That's not a great way to start a nursing relationship. He also had a small penile adhesion that was fixed at his 8.5 mos appt by simply pulling it apart. It was all red and horrible looking and he just cried! Next time I'm planning on leaving my son the way God made him, intact.

ETA in 2012: We had our 2nd boy in December 2004 and left him whole. He is perfect and makes me regret even more what we had done to AJ. My DH supported my choice to leave him whole but I can't say he would've made the same choice. We still have problems sometimes with our now 8yo's circumcision, but thankfully he should outgrow it as he grows. We're having baby #5 now, and while I think it's a girl, if it is a boy it will remain whole.


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## Cutie Patootie

My stomach is sick uke, and I am in tears reading and thinking about all those precious whole baby boys being disregarded, with not even a thought of wondering what the process entails or the benefits of an intact child.









I am ashamed to say that our decision to leave our son intact came down to the very last second. Dh and I were literally struggling with the decision, until finally one of the doctors came in on the tail end our conversation, and heard me say, "I just don't know what to do...I don't think I want to do it..."
She came around to the side of the bed and said, very matter of factly, "it is purely a cosmetic surgery, there is no medical reason to do it, if that helps any..." She didn't say it in a way to convince us either way, she just told us the facts and smiled.
I still see her as my sons angel







. I shutter to think which way we would have _swayed_ because of our ignorance.

If every expecting parent could hear and take those word in...all those little baby boys could sleep peacefully and naturally in their mothers arms instead of the trauma induced sleep that unfortunetly does not last long enough to keep them from feeling the sickening pain...After all...
*...IT IS PURELY COSMETIC...*


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## Overproducktion

All 3 of my boys are circ'd









I will regret it for the rest of my life. Thank goodness our 4th was a girl...dh said he would take him to get circ'd if it was a boy. I told him over my dead body he would....but any way it was a girl, so we didn't have to worry about it.

I talk to all of my boys openly about it. I hope that when/if they have baby boys some day they will keep them intact. Hopefully I can stop the cycle for my grandchildren.

I feel SO strongly about this that if I was to have more boy babies in the future, I would get a court order (or try to) to prevent my husband from taking him to circ'd. Even if it meant my marriage ending in divorce. (i doubt it would--dh is pretty AP--except when it comes to circ. but he would come around eventually







: )


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## zaftigmama

I don't want to get in a marital dispute or anything, but without a mother's permission, a father can't have a son circumcised. Or is that a MA law? I assumed it was true everywhere. If you let your dr. know you want your son intact, nothing your dh does will be able to over-rule that.

Sorry to step on toes!
Take care,


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## Frankly Speaking

Andie:

In all states it only takes one parent to consent for a circumcision and that can be either parent. However, there would be very few doctors that would circumcise a boy if the mother had made her objection of circumcision known regardless of what the father says. To circumcise a boy over the objections of the mother would leave them open for a lawsuit and very few would risk that.

Frank


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## Skywise

Posting after the fact... and my condolences to all those parents whose ds's have been circ'ed.

My dw and I were kind of ambivalent about the whole circ issue (I know, I know... ignorance is bliss







) and hadn't really decided one way or the other until we were attending childbirth classes at our hospital. They showed a photograph of a baby boy strapped down for the 'procedure'... no video, no before and after, nothing but that one photograph... and the poor little man looked so lost and scared that I leaned over to dw and said "There is NO WAY someone is doing that to my son"

Proud to say he's 9 mos. old, breast-fed, perfectly healthy and completely intact... sad to say his 3 mo. old cousin isn't. Unfortunately some people go ahead with circ even when glaring evidence regarding how unneccessary it is is presented to them.

Okay, off my soapbox now. but still (and always) proud of my ds and of my dw and I for leaving him as he was created


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## deleria

Our oldest son (now seven) was circ'd, which still saddens me to this day. We were young, had no support and no real information. Yet, we were still on the fence about the issue until my partner's boss came in and told us why he had circ'd his son six months prior. Apparently, Boss had a severe infection that 'required' him to have a circ at 20. He said it was the most painful thing he's ever been through, and didn't want his son to go through that.

Ok, yes. Yes, I know. Obviously I can NOW see why this made no sense. But at the time, after being through a very long, traumatic birth, all I could think about was protecting my baby. It swayed us just enough to have it done









My healing began when I found out, five years later, that we were expecting our second child - a son. By then I knew a lot more about circ than before. The internet was flourishing and the medical community was much more in favour of intact boys (at least around here).

While my first son will never get his forskin back, my second son is still intact. The funny thing is that we did what we did, both times, out of love. The first decision was ignorant, but all we wanted was the best for our child. If he ever asks, I will tell him we regret it, but that we truly did it because, at the time, we thought it was the best thing for him.

However, my guilt has now been replaced by a strong need to share our story and also how unnecessary and dangerous this 'routine' proceedure can be. I find my advocacy far more productive than my guilt. I truly believe at least a handful of baby boys have been left intact due, in some part, to our story. I guess there's a bit of a happy ending here after all...


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## Seeking Refuge

My son is not intact because I let his father make the decision.
DH is a wonderful man but was just not well informed. Most of his information came from his mother and three years ago, Dh still thought his mother was the supreme resource on parenting.

It was horrible. I had actually changed my mind and went to tell them but it was too late, the pediatrician had come in early and "done it" already. (The staff also ignored our request to be present when it happen) I cry about it often.

Thankfully dh has promised me that if the babe I am carrying right now is a boy, we will not circ.


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## Laine

Circ letter
I have never posted here before but was very compelled by your plea in loving support of your friend's baby. So here goes...

We believed we were informed when we circ-ed our first son. He was 8 days old because he'd been ill and we waited. I can't believe I actually walked him in there to have it done. He was altered afterwards. He was just a different baby those days following the procedure.

I had had a traumatic cesarean and was very into gathering info and making better choices when we decided to have a HBAC with our next baby. I had decided not to do the circ, but my husband was still not convinced. When I lifted that sweet baby out of the water and my husband said "What is it?" I lifted him further and we saw his little penis, and my heart sank at the thought of what I still had to face (the battle) but later my husband told me when he saw our son's perfect little penis, he could not imagine cutting him.

My own reasons had been, first, the lack of evidence that it was necessary. Kids get ear infections all the time; we don't operate until it becomes a chronic problem. Why operate on the foreskin in case later it becomes infected. We no longer take out tonsils, and are evolving away from other such ideas.

Second, I can't give it back to him, not ever. It was not my right to cut my first son's body. Just as I felt I had been needlessly cut in my birth of him, I had allowed him to be needlessly cut. IT'S NOT MY BODY. IT'S NOT MY CHOICE TO MAKE. If my son wants it done later, I will inform him and then support him. I doubt he will, but you never know.

Studies have shown a lower pain threshold in boys who are circumcised. There is permanent psycological damage done. It changes who they are in a very core way.

I believe we are born the way we are intended to be. If it were not necessary, it would have over hundreds of generations, shrunk and vanished on its own.

So, we have one with, and one without. Here are the differences we have seen:

Our son who is:

Initial response and much pain in care in those first days

A very bad scar on one side of the cut, puffy, red scar tissue (he's almost 7). I can only hope he does not end up with a bent penis when having an erection later in life, an unfortunate result that his dad has.

At least 4 infections of the opening of his urethra. Constant irritation and chaffing. Complaints of burning and itching of the head of his penis. Little boys often "leak" a bit of urine before making themselves stop playing to go pee. They get a wet spot on their undies and it rubs their penis.

Our son who is intact:
One infection of the skin under the foreskin (not a UTI) that occurred at age 3. I had not been cleaning under it yet (I know there are different schools of thought on this. I now have him gently retract and rinse in the shower w/out soap) that was resolved with antibiotics (I have learned more since then and would now try a gentler approach first, homeopathics or herbal remedies).

That's it.

Now, as to their comments: My circ-ed son once pulled what foreskin he has over his sore penis a little when we were dealing with yet another irritation and said "this should cover it to protect it from my undies". We switched him to boxers when he decided that he would no longer wear underwear at all (!) due to the pain.

About a month ago the 4 year old noticed the difference in the shapes of him and brother and asked. I explained what we had done for the first time (I had waited till it came up and figured that would be a good time, for him to show readiness) and the circ-ed son was just mouth-dropped shocked. He asked, "You mean you cut the end of my penis off?" and I explained more, but frankly, he was right. I told him we thought we were making the right choice back then. "Then the younger said, "I sure am glad you didn't do that to me!" We dealt with the older child's questions and as always explained how being his parents has helped us so much to learn, and that he has been our greatest teacher. We told him that he has helped his brother, and we apologized.

They don't care that they are different from dad. They also don't have hair there, but they don't care about that either. The arguments that most people put up are really a smoke screen for a core belief that they have that if they don't do this, they are breaking with what is socially acceptable and going against mainstream. They worry about judgment. It is cosmetic. Men don't like the way other men look with a foreskin. But if we lived in a place where it was the norm, a circ-ed man would look freaky. (I know of women from other countries who have endured female circumsision who think a normal female looks strange and open and ugly.) Now, when I look at my sons, the one who is intact looks whole to me, and so very sadly, the one who is circ-ed looks amputated and mutilated. I feel deep regret for what I have done, and I cannot change it. I wish I could go back and stop myself from ever walking out the door with that whole, beautiful, perfect baby, to return with a baby that was raw, bleeding and in pain. All because I was too afraid to think too hard about my own biases and need for acceptance.

I urge your friend to reach into her mother heart and think about what this whole issue is really about. It's not about hygiene, it's not about health... it's about looks and custom. It's also about that little boy's right to grow up with the body he was born with and make choices about that body for himself. Any mother I know would pass through a lion's den to protect her child, now is the time to start.
With much love and sincerity,
Laine


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## brandywine

Our son is circ'd, and although it was nothing like the horror stories I've heard here, I still wish we hadn't done it. Our son's pediatrician did the circ, even though she was anti-circ, and she worked really hard to make it as painless as possible. She did it when he was asleep, applied the anethesia well ahead of time, and he had the "bell" type of circ. He didn't wake up or cry, and he was not strapped down to a board-the nurse held him. We didn't have any problems with infection afterward, although he did go a little too long without peeing that afternoon. Still, I look back and think- what was the point? I honestly can't remember why we chose to circ, especially when the pediatrician, whom we trusted, was against it. If we have more boys, we'll be keeping them intact.


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## kindred_spirit

It was the worst decision I have made - so uninformed had a dear friend - who told me she had info on it - and Never got it from her. I asked dh and he said that he wanted it done for religous reasons. I even asked a nurse about it, and of course she said it was important for being more clean. Oh how I wished I looked into it







Of cousre now I have read stuff.........and bailed! How horrible I felt and wish I could change it. I really took something away from my son that wasn't mine to take. why ruin a perfect body?


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## Gab'sfamily2004

After reading your posts, all those feeling of post-circumsition came to my mind. I almost forgot about how much it hurt me, let alone my adored son. I regret having my son circumsiced so much, I would never ket that happen again, ever.
I didn't witness the actual procedure, but I remember my poor little 3 week old boy coming out of the doctor's office, he has never cried more than that day. The most traumatic part for me was taking him to the hospital hours later before he had a hemorrage. Fortunately, he stopped bleeding just by the time he was going to get STITCHES!!!!!! on his little penis. It was a miracle nothing else tampered with his body. Those were horrible days of recovery and trauma for everybody. My mom was with my husband the moment of the actual circumsition of our boy and she says that's the worst thing that she could have witnessed in her life , ever( we are 5 kids and 4 grandkids, none circumsiced). She begged to me never to let that happen to any other sons I might have.
I have to tell you, I hope my son forgives me one day for this, that was a stupid decision, I had no right to do this to him, to cause him such pain and damage to his body. If it wasn't meant to be, why doing it now??? For sanitary reasons? Millions of people can't be wrong.
Please don't let that happen to your baby, it's unfair, unnatural and unnecessary. Talk to your husband. Do research. Not doing research caused my baby and us as parents pain, It still hurts to think about it


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## mama_at_home

*


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## Jonesey

New here and crying after reading your posts. I think you are an amazing group sharing your stories and your pain. I am SO GLAD we decided not to circ! I had mixed feelings on the subject, never having seen an uncircumsized penis, hearing other mothers' tales of how it was better for their sons ie: cleanliness, reduced risk of infections and the usual. My Dh wanted our son circ'd as he is and his father had to be have it done in his 60's due to repeated infections. We argued about it many times and I was torn between my desire to please my husband, the fact that most of our friends' sons are circ'd, a friend of mine due 3wks after me who said there was no way they wouldn't circ and this very strong instinct/feeling I had telling me it was wrong. Finally I told my Dh that if he felt that strongly then he would have to take him himself, stay with him during the procedure and then look after his penis till it healed. I KNEW there was no way on earth that he would do this (he won't even go to the ped's if there's a needle involved) and so that was that.

I have to admit though that before reading all the literature on these posts and the true stories from other parents I had questioned my decision many times wondering if I did the right thing, would my son develop problems later on, would he worry that he looked different than his father and etc. Thank you all so much for sharing!, now I know I made the right decision and will never doubt it again. Oddly enough my Dh has always been glad we decided not to circ, it seemed once I gave he had a reason to back out he was okay with it.

A bit OT but I also wanted to say thanks for all the other informative posts as well, my SIL badgered me constantly after Ds was born, saying that I had to pull back his foreskin and clean under it every time I bathed him. When I told her male genitalia was self-cleaning, the same as female, she said I was setting him up for infection and that I would be sorry and might as well have him circ'd right away because he'd develop scar tissue and have to have it done anyway. I consulted the ped on it and she said not to touch it until he is two and then I should start gently pulling it back and cleaning. Now I know even she was only half right and to just leave it alone (although at 20mths Ds won't leave it alone, it's amazing how far he can stretch that skin!).

BTW Thanks again!


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## anotherKatrina

I had my perfect baby boy circ'd 12 years ago. I didn't know any better.

It was the worst day of my life. And the worst choice of my life. At least my other bad life choices became learning experiences. There was no benefit whatsoever to this one--inflicting such pain on my innocent, trusting and helpless baby. The horror I feel at the thought of my decision has not lessened one iota.

I wish I could take back that day.


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## Changed

Thank you all so much for sharing your feeling here. I am pregnant and so much hoping it's a boy!\


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## ParkersMama

My son was circumsized when he was born, and I regret that decision to this day. Before he was born, I made efforts to educate both myself and my husband, but ultimately left the decision to my DH, with the caveat that if it was done, he had to be present for it. Well, since DH is circumsized, he opted to get Parker circumsized. Since I had a C-section, I really didn't even get to see my son when he was intact (though there is one picture of him, immediately after birth, where he is intact). Although the pediatrician that did the circumcision did a "great" job, and used anesthetic and all, the aftermath made me regret immediately. He refused to nurse for almost 18 hours, at just 2 days of age, and in our 3 day hospital stay, he lost almost a complete pound, partly because he simply refused to nurse. The next several weeks were very hard, as he cried each and every time that he peed, and when the diaper touched him, regardless of the amount of ointment we would put on his penis. To this day, his penis seems unnaturally red just below the head, and we've even had to deal with the skin partially growing together when he was about 1-year old (involved re-separating and ointment ... and more pain). I'm also having to deal with the thought of having another boy who will NOT be circumsized (I know better now, so I'll do better now), and having one day to explain to Parker why they are different.


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## KingsDaughter76

I completly regret letting my first son be circ'd....my other 2 boys are intact..I just wished I had been informed sooner for the sake of my first son....too late for him. :-(


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## Frankly Speaking

Michelle:

We're neighbors! I also live in Cobb county!

Your son was circumcised with the Gomco clamp. The reason there was no blood is because the Gomco clamp exerts 50,000 pounds of pressure on the skin. That's enough pressure to lift more than a dozen cars off the ground and it crushes the blood vessels so completely that they seal shut.

You need to stay away from that doctor as he/she is woefully ignorant of how to take care of even a circumcised penis. The information you got from NOCIRC was absolutely correct. The adhesions that formed were your son's body trying to heal itself and if left alone, the adhesions would have disolved on their own as they would have had your son not been circumcised. All of that pain the doctor caused your son was not only unnecessary, it could have been damaging.

You have a possibility of legal redress against that doctor if you wish to pursue it. One of the top circumcision attorneys in the country is right here in Atlanta. I'll be happy to put you in contact with him if you wish.

Frank


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## hunnybumm

I haven't ready all the above posts but I thought I would share... I just want to get this off my chest.

I had my DS circ at the hospital, he was 1 day old. We didn't have a good reason, I decided to do it because my brothers / dad / cousins / etc were all circ. I told my DH that I wanted DS circ and he asked why and I said I dunno, "just because", and he agreed. I didn't even think twice about it until I came here for the first time about a month or so ago. I read about 3 posts and haven't been back until today. I talked to my stepmom about it and she agrees it is unneccisary and uncirc is better. I feel so bad when I think about it... which is why I don't come here. I guess I have not come to terms with my decision to butcher my sons penis "just because".

I researched BFing so I could be prepared and nothing would stop me from feeding my son the best food there is. I researched and decided to use CDs because they are the best for new baby skin. I researched co-sleeping when my DS was 2 weeks because he refused to sleep in his bassanet, we now co-sleep and won't CIO because that is the best night time support for our child. Once my DS reached 1 month I researched vaccines, and we no longer vax because it is what is best for little immune systems. I circ my son "just because".

My son will never have full pleasure during intercourse or self pleasure "just because", my son went though unnesiccary pain "just because". I have to stop now because DS is about to wake up and I don't want to make myself cry.

So if anyone reads this and decideds to circ... please don't do it "just because".


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## zaftigmama

Thanks for sharing your very honest story - it can't be easy for you.

Take care,


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## Nathan1097

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParkersMama*
My son was circumsized when he was born, and I regret that decision to this day. Before he was born, I made efforts to educate both myself and my husband, but ultimately left the decision to my DH, with the caveat that if it was done, he had to be present for it. Well, since DH is circumsized, he opted to get Parker circumsized. Since I had a C-section, I really didn't even get to see my son when he was intact (though there is one picture of him, immediately after birth, where he is intact). Although the pediatrician that did the circumcision did a "great" job, and used anesthetic and all, the aftermath made me regret immediately. He refused to nurse for almost 18 hours, at just 2 days of age, and in our 3 day hospital stay, he lost almost a complete pound, partly because he simply refused to nurse. The next several weeks were very hard, as he cried each and every time that he peed, and when the diaper touched him, regardless of the amount of ointment we would put on his penis. To this day, his penis seems unnaturally red just below the head, and we've even had to deal with the skin partially growing together when he was about 1-year old (involved re-separating and ointment ... and more pain). I'm also having to deal with the thought of having another boy who will NOT be circumsized (I know better now, so I'll do better now), and having one day to explain to Parker why they are different.


Hey....







Remember me? I was just reading the posts here and recognized ya!









I'm sorry to read about your story. Lots of people have similar ones- whether that's good or bad, I don't know. I know I would've had one (maybe two), had I gone ahead with it. Maybe I'll see ya on IM some time soon.


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## Stevie

I do regret circing my first son and after reading all these posts I will be apologizing to him when I see him next weekend. (He's 27 yrs old)

I was a non-thinking 18 yr old who would have over ridden my mother and made an adoption plan if "I only had a brain". I never even considered not cutting him; not a moment's hesitation









His baby brother was born this past October, my 2nd son. When circ was brought up before we knew his gender I always said "I'll leave that up to his daddy; he's the man after all". When we matched with a life mom who was expecting a boy I started doing the research... and after reading into the wee hours (much like tonight







) I informed my DH what his decision was!







I gave him the information I had found, including a site for men who wished they had been circ'd as infants. In fact, that site was the clincher. Every poster except one was altered under general anesthesia and said they really didn't feel much pain after. The one dissenter had a local and said that the administration of the anesthetic sent him into shock with pain. UHHH HELLOOOOOO! A grown man couldn't bear the pain of the needle, but wished it had been done to him as an infant???? DH was convinced









I then spent the next several months (the first adoption fell through, but the next match was also expected to be a boy) agonizing over having no real say in my son's first days. If his life mom had been strongly pro circ she had all the rights and he would have been mutilated. As it turned out, his life mom's hospital plan was that I should have a room in the hospital so he could room in with me, although she did not want to see us herself. He spent the first evening and night with me in my room. The nurses did tell me it would be best if they kept him in the nursery so I could "rest", but I pointed out that it was his mother's wish that we spend these first days bonding and I made sure that they left him with me. Anyway, early the second morning a nurse came in looking a bit worried and "broke the news" that they would not be able to circ without his "birth"mother's consent.







I assured her that we did NOT wish him to be circ'd and she was sooo relieved: said that they just wouldn't bring it up then







The social worker came in the next morning all smiling and said "So, is today circ day?" I just grinned and told her that we wouldn't be circing...

Sorry for the long post; it's been almost 8 months now and I'm still so happy that he was able to keep his whole penis, and I wish also to thank all of you for being here and for being so strong. I know of 2 baby boys coming this summer; I will be printing some info and adding it to the shower gifts.


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## Frankly Speaking

Thanks for such a warm story. You were very lucky. We had one adoptive mom here who insisted on no circumcision but the social worker had it done clearly against her wishes. It was none of that woman's business but she had to assert her beliefs on that family.

Frank


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## Stevie

Oh no, that's so awfull!!! It's such a fine line when it's the decision between a life mom and an adoptive family, but for a SW to just butt in... absolutely unspeakable. BTW, Frank, thank you so much for all your posts; they are so fact filled and yet truly human. Great fodder for educating







which is the reason for them I suppose.

I have a friend whose son had one of the botched circs. He's 4.5 yrs old and it seems like he's always having dr. visits and issues. I was shocked the first time I saw his penis; it's like there's nothing there! I'll be asking for more detail and encouraging her to read this thread.


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## Frankly Speaking

It sounds like a degloving accident or buried penis syndrome from your brief description. At his age, the only cure is skin graft surgery for either. That's so sad! I would recommend that your friend contact a lawyer. There is a slight possibility that the statute of limitations has not run out and she may have recourse against the doctor for malpractice.

Frank


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## Gidget

Hi, new to this forum. I have been one of those people that bother me. I have been avoiding this area out of guilt and trying to avoid more guilt.And because the times I did visit, I saw some VERY judgemental people here. My boys are both circ'ed.







With ds1 I was young and did not think anything of it. I thought it was a normal routine thing. Though if I had stopped to wonder why God would create a foreskin on boys, I probably would have thought twice. With my second I was thinking I did not want to do it, but before I could do my research, the Alarmists got to me. You know, he is at higher risk for STD, infection etc etc. ANd if you do not do it now and he needs it done later it will hurt more later, Yadda, yadda, yadda. Blech! I am soooo mad now. At society, misinformation, and mainly at myself for not taking more time. I have to see it every time I change my babies dipes and every time ds1 is in the tub and I go in there to talk to him. I hate it. I think they look soooo deformed. An intact penis is a beautiful thing. The way they were meant to be. It makes me soooo sad that I allowed such a cruel and pointless procedure to be done on my boys.


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## Gidget

I have become an intactivist though.There is a man at work whose wife is pg and due with a boy in October. The dh is intact and is trying to convince his wife to leave their boy intact once he is here. So, I dug around a bit(which is how I decided to come here) and gave him some info to give her on the issue. I hope she listens.


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## Stevie

Thanks Frank; I will make sure she checks this out soon...

and Ginger, so glad you've come to learn. It's hard enough to live with our own guilt, I hope you feel un judged here.


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## gothmommy

When my 1st DS was born, I told DH that I would not be giving consent for a circ. If he felt strongly enough about wanting it done, I told him he would have to educate himself on the procedure and make the decision. He gave consent and off our sweet little day-old son went to get "the chop". I was upset, but figured DH has a penis and so if he wanted it done bad enough and was agreeable with the procedure, then fine. Ugh. My heart BROKE! DS had no problems, although the doctor didn't cut the whole foreskin off so there is still a little ruffle of foreskin he has to pull tight and clean or it gets red, raw and sore underneath.

When DS #2 came along I was very adamant that I didn't want it done. DH said he did, and I found some non-biased info for him to read over plus a slide show of a non-complicated gomco clamp circ. He phoned me after checking the info out and expressed his remorse at consenting to have DS#1 circ'd.

Thankfully, when DS#3 was born, there was no question about it.


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## CerridwenLorelei

I won't discuss the second two because it was such a hard battle and I had dug in deep ..another time

My first was done against my will. My father took him to have it done while I was at work because I didn't and wasn't going to ..
Oldest and I have already discussed his not doing it with his kids ( though he says no kids lol) and I will when the other two are old enough


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## Sylith

My son is circ'ed. DH and I are both filled with regret over it. We failed him so badly, before he was two days old. He's about 22 months now, and the memory is still raw for me, the guilt is still tearing me up. DH went with him for the procedure. When they returned to me, DH looked green and deeply shaken. Our poor baby had passed out after screaming his head off. He woke about 15 minutes later, with the most heartwrenching wail, and I put him to my breast and DH and I cried.

What can I say? We didn't know any better until it was too late.


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## CerridwenLorelei

Dh still thinks "it was a good decision and I stand by it " :CRY :CRY
I have talked to my oldest ( the one that was taken by my dad when I wasn't there and circ'd) about restoration and to NEVER NEVER NEVER do that to any future grandbabies..
so I can empathize with you sylith ((HUGS)))


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## Changed

Just wanted to let everyone here who has helped to educate me that we are having a BOY!! And you can bet your bottom dollar that his penis is going to stay the way it is right now~! (hopefully getting bigger at some point)








Dh and I are in total agreement. I'm so glad I had people to show me the way on this one and not end up hurting my son. I wonder now though how parents follow the herd so often and never consider the damage and morality of such an act. What the hell drives otherwise great parents to do this to their sons?


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## pilesoflaundry

Another regretter here. I was 16 when my son was born and there was still that theory that it was cleaner and healthier going around. And my mom was a nurse and was adament he be circ'd because of that, what did I know so I did it. All of the men in mine and dh's family are circ'd also so I figured it couldn't be that bad.

I felt horrible when he would scream at the top of his lungs at every diaper change and when he peed for the first 2-3 weeks of his life. I felt like the most horrible person in the world







. And after hearing of some horror stories of really badly botched circs I felt worse that I had put him in that kind of situation and that we were lucky he didn't lose half his penis or something.

The guilt really set in when I had my first daughter and I realized no one came to ask me when I wanted to sign the paperwork to cut off part of her genitals.







. I had 2 girls after my ds was born but if I had other sons I wouldn't have cir'd them.


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## vwgirlbeth

I work as a maternity nurse and if I had worked in this field when my son was born I would NEVER have had him circumcised. The OBs don't believe in any anesthetic, except sugar water, and it totally makes me ill to have to assist doctors with these awful procedures. I try to let moms here know that there is not any medical reason to do this to their babies, but this is not a real popular view around here. As my uncircumsized dad told me when my son was born, "Leave his little joint alone! God made it the way it is for a reason!" I realize in restrospect that he was right.


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## Liam's_Momma

I am completly devistated. I was pressured into circ-ing my son. I really didn't want to but I felt pressured by everyone but my partner- he was supportive about the whole situation. In retrospect, I should have gone with my gut feeling. I get so sad sometimes, knowing that I had a hand in mutalating my son.... My sympathy is with the mothers that feel the same.


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## LovinMyKids

My first son was NOT circumsized. It was not covered by the insurance I was on and I could not afford it. That was the extent of my research. However, from birth until age 5 he had infection after infection. He was CONSTANTLY in pain. no matter what we did for him, he was in pain. his penis was purple and inflamed and he was a wreck. We took him to a urologist who was anti circ, but he reccommended circ'ing him because of his pain and disconfort. he was circ'ed at age 5 and he has never had another problem. Because I had no other experience with an intact penis besides the experience with DS #1, it was no question that DS#2 would be circ'ed. i do wish I would have researched it more with him. I would have then found out that what happened with DS#1 is NOT the norm. Sometimes I think we did the wrong thing with #2. I definitely regret not researching it more.


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## Yama

my first son yes......i regret it. i was stupid for not trusting and listening to my gut feeling. and i was ignorant..... i know what was right but i did it anyway because of a dumb ass stupid reason like "i want him to be like daddy". soooo idiotic!

i'm so sad.

my second son isn't.

i love my sons. i messed up the first time.


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## anudi01

My husband (who is uncirc'd), was very insistent that our son be circ'd. He said that he had a lot of discomfort during puberty when his foreskin was stretching over his growing penis. (I later found out that when the foreskin is routinely pulled back to be cleaned in an uncirc'd boy, this action can cause painful retraction during puberty.) So mothers/fathers of uncirc'd boys...DON'T PULL THE FORESKIN BACK...EVER! IT'D UNECCESSARY TO DO SO! I later asked my MIL if she halled pulled my DH's foreskin back to clean when he was young, and I was horrified at the torture she used to put my DH thru uneccessarily. They thought they were doing something right...when they should just leave things the way they are...which is what I should have done. Instead I gave in and had him circ'd. I cried the whole time (I couldn't go with, but my husband did). I still cry, and am crying while I write this. The circ was not performed properly and therefore, the skin did not heal properly. Now what is left of my son's foreskin has attached itself improperly to the glans. I can either have it fixed, which means he would have to be cut again, or I can wait until he grows a bit and gradually the skin will probably rip itself away from the glans. Either way, he will suffer. I am devastated that I was not strong enough to protect him. Now my husband has a change of heart, and we will not circ the next child if it is a boy. But that does my first born son no good. I will be eternally sorry for the choice I made.


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## Frankly Speaking

Where your son's foreskin has reattached will separate naturally when the time is right as long as the scar line is not involved. It should be painless for him and there is no need for further surgery. This is a common complication of circumcision that will resolve itself.

Frank


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## Primrose Burrows

My oldest son (and second child), now almost 20, is circumcised. It was against my better judgement that I let it happen, but at the time I had no line of defence (no educational info, no mothering group, no resources) when both my MIL and mother talked me into doing it. Consequently my son was two weeks old when it was done, and I was in the next room. I heard him scream as he was cut, and at the time I'd never, ever heard a scream like that coming from a human being. I vowed then and there that I would never allow another son of mine to be tortured like that.

When my youngest son was born in 1989 (we had a girl in between), he was left intact, and has told us that his sons, if he has any, won't be circumcised either. So maybe we've helped saved generations of our family from the "procedure".

When I was in nursing school we were given the option to watch a circ. At first I balked, and then I figured it was a good idea, because then I could describe the circ in detail to questioning parents. I won't go into detail; most of you know what's involved. When the baby was strapped down and the device put on his little penis it was all I could do to keep myself from leaping in front of the doctor. What I saw was a child being tortured--no anaesthesia, no nothing. I stood next to a classmate from Scotland (where they don't DO this kind of thing) and we both were crying.

I do regret having my first son circed. I don't feel guilty about it anymore. What's the point? I'd rather turn my guilt to activism, and tell my story to as many parents as I can.

Kelly


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## paganmommy

I have two boys, one intact, the other circumcised. My oldest and I have had many discussions about why he was circumcised and why i did not have his younger brother circumcised. Those questions were so difficult for me to answer. He is now 11 years old and able to understand things better. His anger has subsided and he directs it more towards the pediatrician and the medical establishment. But, ultimately I have to accept my responsibility for allowing it to happen to him.

I knew in my heart that having him circumcised was wrong. I felt it so strongly, yet I let them take my son away from me and take him to a table where he was strapped down and then literally tortured. That pain is torture and they are not anesthesized at all. Even still, the process of them strapping them down and cutting off part of their body is so traumatic. I still cry when I think what I let them do. It has been 11 years and I still cannot accept it. Please if you read this, believe me when I say, it isn't necessary for you to have to feel what I am feeling and even more important, it isn't necessary for your son to have to go through that. There is no medical reason to do it. There is no valid reason at all. Listen to what all these people have said and then listen to your heart!!!! You will know what to do.


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## ScrappingMommyof3

PaganMommy,

I am SO sorry that you feel such anguish over your son's circ. No one should have to feel that way...

My oldest son is circ'ed and youngest is intact. I really though nothing of having DS circ'ed (no flames please, I know better now) and sent him off to have the procedure done when he was 10 days old, so he would "match his daddy". I never knew how they circ'ed a baby until I watched the videos this week and it about killed me. I can't believe I let someone do that to my baby boy.

The questions have not started here yet, because DS is only 6. I don't think he cares about the differenece between him and his baby brother.

DS #2 is intact, but only because he had so much other crap to deal with when he was born (OHS and everything that goes along with that), so we never had it done. Of course, now I know better, I am SO glad that we never had that done.

Nikirj,

Your reference to the foreskin being part of the injury had me LOL! I can't believe some people are SO ignorant!


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## Acksiom

Hey, paganmommy and ScrappingMommyof3. . .just trying to make sure you both get a chance to read this:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=157594


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## loftmama

I don't know if I want to get into my story right now. I am so sad about circing my son. It was a horrible experience. Unfortunately, barely any of the shaft was cut off, so he doesn't appear at first glance to be circumcised. So, we have both the negative of feeling the pain of the circumcision (yes they do - the screaming almost made me run screaming through the rooms until I could find him.) Plus, he has the look of being circumcised. Oh, yes, and the pain from pulling back the foreskin. It's just awful. Plus, where I have moved to, very few are circumcised. We have a neighborhood pool. Everytime I see moms changing their boys by the pool, I notice they are all intact. I am very self-conscious about it.

Plus, you know how the head of the penis stays more sensitive if it's protected by the shaft? And how the head of the circed penis is less sensitive. I've noticed this in both my boys. My little guy just goes bananas when I clean his penis. My older guy never did that. It's like the sensitivity is definitley "calloused" so to say compared to my first one.

It was my dh's decision.














I totally regret it. I wish I had educated myself a little more then I would have prevented it at all cost. My dh totally regrets it, too. We cried.

You know how in the states, your son is taken away from you, so you never really know exactly what happens and what sounds of protest your child makes? Well, in Mexico, where we were, you're only a few rooms over and you hear EVERYTHING. I'm telling you that IS ALL IT TAKES TO KNOW IT IS STILL PAINFUL. AWFUL.

I just let my baby boy be tortured.

I still get upset just thinking about it.

And I don't know if and when I will every forgive myself.


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## apcanadianmamma

I'm another mother who regrets having her son circ'd, and I am having a really hard time dealing with it.

Why did I do it? I did it because at the time I felt it was best. I felt that DH should be allowed the decision (after all I don't have a penis and he does) I heard all the "horror stories" of intact boys who had to be circ'd and who had infections all the time etc. etc. I surveyed a bunch of men who all agreed that it was the way to go (and again, I figured if they were for it than why shouldn't I be)

So we had it done. DH and I were present. DS had numbing cream and the block as well. I insisted that we both be there. I told DH if he felt strongly enough to have it done then he could be there for it.

Fast forward a couple of months. I start cloth diapering and in my research I come across MDC and other AP type sites. I start to read and I am horrified. I always sort of in the back of my head though, "why is there a foreskin if there is no point to it" I mean it has to be there for a reason....but I defered to the knowledge of everyone that was around me because so many people must be right...right? I now know that all the infection stories that I was told was most likely due to forced retraction. I know have to deal with worrying that my circ'd son will have adhesions etc to deal with. I now have to deal with the GUILT...and at every diaper change I feel this all incompassing guilt. I am having such a hard time dealing with this and what I allowed....I'm just so angry at myself because I already followed so many AP/NFL things like co-sleeping and no cio etc...but I did the most mainstream thing in the world to my boy!!

So that is my story. I now have to deal with this forever. I also have to deal with not having researched enough for my baby boy. I also have to deal with if I ever have anothe son I will have to explain why one is circ'd and one is not (and how I failed ds who is) - I'm not even sure how to deal with that when and if that time comes...

Sigh, obviously my advice to anyone who may be considering it is don't...if for some reason your DS grew up and really wanted it done than he could go have it done...but he can't have it undone...don't let that be on your conscience because believe me, it really sucks.


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## loftmama

i came across a really great website by a doctor about it AFTER the fact. i totally regret not researching it beforehand. that's my best advice: do as much research as you can and, like i used to do, quietly e-mail them or sections of them to your husband's e-mail address or print it or parts of it and leave it for him to read.

i found the website by doing some research here. maybe some of the other moms know where they are. if noone gets back to you soon, i'll do some searches.


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## DebraStorm

I, too, circumsized my son & I regret it immensly (sp?). When he was born in '99 & I did everything straight by the "book" with him. Circ, vax, etc. Thankfully I learned the error of my ways & did the complete opposite with my daughter. So far my son really hasn't asked any questions about his penis. I just wish I had known before hand that thios didn't have to be done. I will never forgive myself!


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## Quirky

mom2go, check your private messages.


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## sparkprincess

I also regret having my son circumcised. We were really stupid. I wish with all my heart we had found this website before then.

We went ahead with it because we didn't have all the facts.

We certainly will not be circumcising any future sons.


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## loftmama

sparkprincess, i'm so with you on this one!


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## loving-my-babies

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newlife*
Well, i see why people fel so strongly about not having this done to their sons, but have ya'll ever talked togrown men who have not had it done. I talked to one man that said, he couldn't get up the nerve to have sex, and when he finally did he couldn't get erect because he was so imbarrased. Another said that, no matter what under his foreskin had a horrible odor, that could be smelled as soon as he dropped his underwear. So my thing is it may increase sexual pleasure, if the person can get over being embarrassed and have and erection, but what if he can't. And it is supposed to be more protective, but if so why do some experience an awful strong odor, no matter how much it is cleaned.

oh, i'm sorry but this is not true, my husband is not circ'ed and believe me there is no disgusting odor. it's a body part, and if you dislike odor so much then as women we'd have to remove our vaginas as well.
my dh and the whole male side of the family (un-mutilated, btw) has never been embarrased. I think I would feel embarrased if I had no foreskin, which makes the penis 50% smaller, I must add. (and weird looking too)


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## ShadowMom

I regret having my son circumcised. My DH was fairly insistent about it; I had some reservations.

I differ from a lot of people on MDC in that I don't think it is that extreme of a procedure, but I do feel it was completely unnecessary and not the right thing to do.

Also, I have done a ton of reading and research on babies and newborns, how pain affects them, and how events when a baby is young can have an effect on them later in life, subtle but still there. That is most of all why I regret it.

If we have another boy, I think DH and I are really going to butt heads on this. He is fairly set in his ways about his parenting ideas (it's so true that people just accept the parenting philosophies of their parents, without necessarily thinking about it!). I just can't imagine doing this again knowing what I know now.

Babies aren't little lumps like most people think of them... they are thinking, feeling creatures who are affected by things just as much as we are. Just because they can't consciously remember the events later on, it doesn't mean they aren't affected by them!

Thanks for letting me confess/vent.


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## Angie676

My regret is not over having my own son circumcised, but for bullying my brother to get my nephew circumcised.

I feel an enormous amount of guilt. SIL wanted my nephew circumcised, and my brother said, "Absolutely not. Nobody is going to operate on my son's penis!". SIL appealed to my mother and, as the oldest sister, I was also encouraged to tell him the error of his ways. Mom and I told my brother he was uneducated about the issue (we, who had NEVER read a single article on circumcisions), and that he was putting his son at serious risk. At the time, both parents were teenagers.

I don't know that what we said had a great deal of effect on my brother, but the fact remains that his son was circumcised.

When I found out I was pregnant and was having a son, my friend got a video to watch about circumsions. She watched it, and still had her son circumcised. I watched 2 minutes, almost threw up, and started doing research. I shared my research with my husband and he was not totally swayed. I showed him the video. He watched the entire thing, and said we'd never do that to our sons.

I was disgusted with myself. Had I not happened to find out about the video, would I have changed my mind? Would I have gone with status quo? Of course I would have, convinced that I was doing everything right. Why don't the doctors try to talk you out of it? Why don't they at least try to educate you on the issue? Even the professional papers of our major medical associations admit there is no justifiable health benefit to circumcision. It angers me that so many people are doing this simply because they believe if the insurance pays for it, and the doctor does it without discussion, it MUST be right.

Since then, I've tried to convince 2 people close to me not to have their son's circumcised, and I failed. I wish insurance didn't pay for the surgery; that might make people think twice about it.

Oh, my mom did change her mind after I did my research. She admitted that, like me, she had been assuming it was normal and healthy. She says she doesn't believe she would have had my brother circumcised if she'd realized she had a say in it. She really thought it was something required by law, back in 1978. So we are both reformed; it is tragic that it had to happen after my brother could have really used us on his side. All he had was his gut feeling, and we let him down.


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## IncaMama

my beautiful son is circumcized, and i regret it immensely as well. DH was adamant about having it done (he's circ'ed) and i had some qualms but i didn't know enough. i asked the medical professionals we were dealing with, and i asked several friends. several friends had intact sons who experienced SERIOUS complications and BOTH had to be circ'ed before the age of 10. i know now that that is rare, but it didn't feel rare at the time when the 2 moms i spoke to BOTH had that happen! my mom was a nurse for over 30 years and when she worked in pediatrics she saw soooo many intact penises with problems, and ZERO circ'ed penises with problems.

these are all anectodal, and who knows why the "facts" i was presented with were so skewed...but it was enough for me at the time.

my god, i wish i'd questioned it more. thank heaven, my son has had no complications (other than the fact that his penis is not whole and will never be)...i will never do this to another son if i have one. but it will be a battle with my husband. boy, will it ever be. but my husband quite simply will not win.

i will live with this guilt for the rest of my life.


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## Frankly Speaking

We've had many mothers of intact sons come here with prescriptions from doctors of "necessary" circumcisions. Not a single one of them have happened because those mothers have gotten correct information here. It's amazing how simple it is but the doctors completely miss it. I suspect that every single one of those boys you heard about were circumcised unnecessarily. The problems are really simple and are easily treated with the same medications a girl would get for the same problems. What would they cut off of a girl for the same problems? Nothing of course but oftem the first course of treatment for a boy is amputation and if that doesn't work, THEN they try medication. That is just so totally wrong I can't understand why they don't see it.

Frank


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## Acksiom

Another reminder just to help make sure michelemiller, & whoever else, get a chance to read this:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=157594


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## kvan

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelemiller*
my god, i wish i'd questioned it more. thank heaven, my son has had no complications (other than the fact that his penis is not whole and will never be)...i will never do this to another son if i have one.
i will live with this guilt for the rest of my life.

I wish every day too, that I had not had my baby son circumcised. I was ambivalent, but had no real resources. I had not even found the MDC community yet. All I went on was my husband's (circ.) advice, and that of the pediatrician. My husband was not adamant at all, he really wasn't sure what to do either, but he thought that the pain would be short-lived and not remembered, and his son would be more 'normal' then. Wow. I'm not sure why I explore this further.
I honestly felt a little ill-equipped to make a decision about a procedure and the appearance of an organ I don't have and therefore don't know all that much about. Now, I know that the function of the organ was also compromised- didn't realize that before, and I also realize that ...
even though I was overwhelmed with decisions and stress at the impending birth of my son, that is no excuse for treating so lightly my personal responsibility as his mother in making this huge healthcare decision for him!

I have to say that I did want to have a full awareness for what my husband and I chose to do to our son...and I did not want my baby son to have this experience alone...so I attended his circumcision and cared for him as best I could during and after the procedure. I am not a squeamish person in the least, and the operation itself was not gory, but the look on his face during it...I cannot believe that I put my beautiful son through that- and I didn't even have a compelling reason.

I have changed a few important things about his life by this act

and I am truly sorry
Please, take _the whole baby_ home with you.


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## loftmama

kvan - I appreciate you sharing your story. I totally relate and totally agree. It helps to not feel so alone. Thanks.


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## Epicurus

I didn't read all the pages of parents who realize they shouldn't have circed, but it pleases me to see so many who have realized how unnecessary this "procedure" is.
I am also one of those parents. I had my son circed almost 15 years ago with hardly a thought. It was just what was expected and what everyone did. After that child was born I got Mothering Magazine as a gift and started to learn that not everybody circed their kids. I went to the library (largely doing birthing options research) and started to read more and more about circumcision that made me question it (no internet yet). I did not want to circ my 2nd son. My dh did. I interviewed family members who were intact and they all (3) said they wish they were circed! I felt bullied and I succumbed.
I insisted on taking him and being with him (like that would make some great difference







). Anyway, it was horrifying. The whole time my inner voice was screaming at me not to let them do this yet I kept responding and cooperating. I cried with him. I look back and cannot understand why I didn't run out the door with him. He was circed.
We were done having kids so that was the end of that. 7 years later we had s surprise pregnancy and guess what? Another boy. My dh asked me a few days after he was born when I was going to get him circed. I told him that no one was going to mutilate this baby and they would have to kill me first (something to that nature). That was the end of that.
It took me many years of mothering to grow a spine it seems but I finally have. My youngest is doing great and is now 4. He does get redness and puffiness from time to time but mostly a bath cures that. He occasionally has yeast. He had thrush as a baby and it was systemic.

That is my basic story. I debate circ on the internet in appropriate debate forums. I use Dr Fleiss articles always. They are my favorite!

Collette


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## zaftigmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Epicurus*
...I did not want to circ my 2nd son. My dh did. I interviewed family members who were intact and they all (3) said they wish they were circed! I felt bullied and I succumbed.
Collette

Hi Collette,
I'm just curious, and maybe it's none of my business. Did your three family members give a reason why they wished they were circed? I don't regret leaving my son intact, but I do wonder if he'll ever wish I hadn't. I haven't met anyone who has ever said they wished they were circed - I'm curious to the reasons behind those feelings.
Take care!


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## loving-my-babies

Andie- please don't worry about that! If your son *ever* feels like he'd like to be circ'ed, you can show him a video.. I'm sure he'll be glad he's intact after he sees a video. and then.. if let's say he really, really wants to be circ'ed, he can go to a doctor and get it done himself.. I am not saying there are ANY reason to, but in the very off chance that he's want it done.. it'd be his thing, not your doing, KWIM?


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## Epicurus

I wouldn't worry about that either







I am MUCH more worried that my sons who have been left with no choice will want to have been left intact. I figure if my intact son wants to surgically alter his penis as an adult that will be his business. Just the same as if they want to surgically alter any other part of their bodies as adults. The difference is your son will have that option if he so chooses.
I account for the responses I got (two of them from the wives) in this way. They are all from the era when circ became common/routine in the US. It was a wonderful new thing to cure all of the ills a boy might ever have. It was supposed to be cleaner and healthier. They were indoctrinated into this thinking.
One of the women who told me her dh hated not being circed was my mother. She was divorced from my dad for many years at this time. I talked to my step mom many years later and she said otherwise. She went further to say my dad was the best lover she ever had. This was a little embarrassing to hear but I think I needed to hear this. My step mom is the one who gave me the gift of Mothering almost 15 years ago. Her son is intact. I wish I had talked to her when I was talking to everyone. She had moved far away and was no longer married to my dad.

You made the right choice by leaving your son with the choice!

Collette


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## zaftigmama

It's not something I worry about - didn't mean to give anyone the wrong impression. It was a decision I had to fight for, and it's something I'm proud of every day. I hope he won't decide to become circumcised later, but if he does it will definitely be a choice of his own. I'm very happy that I have left that decision to him.

It always surprises me to hear someone say that they know someone who wishes they had been circumcised. I always wish I met someone who said that so I could ask why. Unless there were medical issues, why would a man wish someone had cut off very sensitive skin from their penis? So, I was just asking for some reasons.

Hopefully when my son is older, he won't be in the minority, and there won't be such pervasive untruths about intact men being less clean, more prone to disease, etc.,. Isn't it a mother's job to worry about what it is their kids will be mad about when they are older? Such a brouhaha was made about my decision to leave him intact that I worry that that's what he'll be mad about. But really and truly, I'm never sorry that I have left him alone in all his perfectness.

Take care!


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## Salihah

I completely regret doing circ with our first son. We didn't know anything about it at the time, my dh is, and of course all the medical staff told us "it was the best choice to do" even though my heart was totally against it. I still am disappointed in myself for not pushing for more information or going with my instinct. We didn't do it with our next son and will never do it again. For us the problem won't be explaining to our uncirc sons why they aren't like their dad or brother, but more so why our first son was.


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## Itlbokay

Dear friend of Misty,

Against my better judgement we circumcised our first son, I still regret it. His skin kept trying to reattach itself, of course as his body was treating it like the wound it was, and when I would pull the skin back during diaper changes as they tell you to do it would at times bleed a little....ouch. Of course my son's saving grace was that he had a "good" circumcision (oximoron...I know) and the doctor had left him extra skin, thank goodness.

When I was pregnant with our second baby I knew if it was a boy I would not have him circumcised. Hearing a story a friend told me about her cousin's son really reaffirmed that decision, his doctor did such a bad job that this poor boy had to go through many surgeries to have it reconstructed. Apparently that does happen more than you think.

We did have another son and he is not circumcised. It helps to research and educate yourself when making any important choice and you are lucky to have a friend dear enough to take the time to gather some of this research for you.

Having 1 son circumcised and the other not has lead to several conversations about circumcision with my sons, who are now 7 and 10. My cicumcised son is okay with how his penis is, but says he will never "cut" his son's penis. Explaining that every penis looks different whether it's circumcised or not, just as every set of breasts, hands, feet looks different is very easy for children as well as adults to understand. My husband had a concern that circumcision would make our son look "different" and I gave him literature that helped him agree with me on how circumcision wasn't really necessary, especially for such a trivial reason.

Good luck with your decision.

Steph


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## sahli29

It has been a year now since the parents mentioned in this thread circumcised their baby boy. How do the parents feel today about the decision they made a year ago to circumcise? Why type of circ method did they choose? Did they stay with him? What was their boy left with(tight,loose,adhesions)? Were they happy with their choice and the results of the genital surgery on their son? How is their son today?Do they have any regrets-either parent? Will they do it again? Again,why did they choose to do it? Just curious.


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## Itlbokay

oh my gosh, I didn't pay attention to that....I thought it read Feb. of 2005. I wonder how things did turn out for them?


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## Anglyn

I have two sons, ages 13 years and five weeks. My first son was circumsized, I heard all the conflicting advice and left it up to my ex. He chose to do it just because it was done to him. That plastic ring apparently worked most of the way around, but not on one side so the ring was trying to come off, like its suppose to, but couldnt due to the skin that had grown back and it was rubbing him raw there and was painful. We went to the pedi and they had to cut him AGAIN. And I was there that time (in hospital, I wasnt present for the procedure) and anyone who thinks it isnt that painful can think again! It was horrible and I regretted it from that moment on. Now that I know all the facts I regret it even more. I took an anthropology class in college (after my first son) and when we studied about femal genital mutilation, I asked why women would perpetuate this, knowing how horrible it was for them, why do it to thier daughters. The instructor said because they truly believe that it's more hygenic, it's the "moral" thing to do, and etc. etc. and I was horrified, because the reasons on one hand were so obviously stupid and wrong and on the other hand sounded just like american arguments for male circumcision. Ouch. Then I wondered if thats how europeans see us, they look at us doing the male circumcision with the same horror and incredulity that we look at femal genital mutilation in other cultures. Yikes.

My second son is not circed and I have discussed with ds1 about why he was and his brother isnt. He's ok with it, but I dont think he will do it to any of his own sons.


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## rachelle-a-tron

Count me in as a Mama who regrets it everyday of my life, sometimes I get defensive about it because I feel so awful. I did it because that is what my Hubby wanted, if I had to do it again... I would fight him tooth & nail.


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## atomicmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rachelle-a-tron*
Count me in as a Mama who regrets it everyday of my life, sometimes I get defensive about it because I feel so awful. I did it because that is what my Hubby wanted, if I had to do it again... I would fight him tooth & nail.


I'm right there with you. I have kept quiet about it until recently on another thread.
I simply did not fight hard enough to keep my ds intact. My dh wanted it, and is still satisfied with his decision.








I have constant guilt. And, I hope ds never hates us for what we did.


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## Tummy

More then anything I ever could ever wish I could change is the fact that two of my three boys are circed. Actually, one is fully circed and the other is partially circed.







yep, partially!
My first boy was circed at two years old by lazer, being young, not knowing better I allowed a medical person tell me I HAD to cut my son. He had phimosis and the uroligist told me "IT MUST BE DONE, HE WILL HAVE LIFE LONG PROBLEMS AND PENIAL INFECTIONS. HE WILL HAVE A HEALTHIER PENIS AND WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP IT CLEAN IF HE HAS THIS DONE". Oh how I so wish I knew better back then. Go figure, another doctor who knows best! He did NOT bother to tell me that phimosis was NORMAL in babies.







: Now, when my son gets an erection his skin is so taut, I do not know if this will cause him problems later in life and I pray to the GODS it does not!
My second boy was done by the pedi and OMFG worst thing ever!!! He did a botch job, my son still has forskin, he has had an infection, and the head of his penis is at a 45degree angle. Of course by the time # 3 came along 'daddy' finally seen it my way and REFUSED to circ.


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## tarahsolazy

I have been scanning this thread since shortly after my lad was born. I am a doc, and so is my DH. We are both aware of the lit out there on circ. I did NOT want my son circ'd, Dh did. He is, of course. He realized that the medical benefit is minimal, but he doesn't see that there are any downsides to circ, so why not do it? I abdicated the decision to him, I did not fight hard enough, either. I really thought it wouldn't bother me, but it set off my PPD, I think. I did what I could, chose the operator (does loose circs), ensured good anesthesia, blah, blah. I still feel like I failed him. I have not regretted ANY OTHER choice I have made as a mom, and that includes some controversial things around here like WOH, transitioning to crib at 7mo, and 10min of CIO. Those seem fine, I still think about the circ daily. DH knows how profoundly this has affected me, although he doesn't understand it. I REFUSE to have another son go through this.

I'm so glad to see that there are other moms who feel like I do, and who have some circ'd sons, and some intact, and its fine.


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## Frankly Speaking

Tarah, not only are there more Moms who feel like you do, there are more doctors who are Moms that feel that way as well. Of those who have identified themselves, you are the 4th doctor/Mom here. I suspect we have more who have not identified themselves because we are often hard on the profession and they are afraid to speak out. We are only hard on those who circumcise and those who support it. You are clearly not in that category and are welcome here.

Frank


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## meco

*


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## noeyjeanne

I can't stop crying right now! I did not want my perfect little son cut. I even did research and tried to convince my dh that it was not needed. I mean we had (well I had ) big emotional fights about it. I would get so mad at everyone around me who disageed. I couldn't understand their ignorance! I even had a no circ ped who was wonderful, but she said it's not the end of the world if it's done and if you dh feels more strongly about it then let him decide. well i'm the one who felt more strongly about not doing it, but i felt all alone. even my mother whom i'm very close didn't soppurt me. ( i just got off the phone with her and told her how guilty i feel and will for the rest of my life, she and my dad said sometimes too much info isn't good, meanning researching circs. i told them maybe more info is needed for more people.
IT something you can ever take back, it's an awful feeling to know that you as a mother allowed such an injustist thing happen to your innocent, helpless, perfect just the way he was born baby, baby son. i feel awful!!! I wish that if for just one generation americans did not cut their sons. that way no dh could say "let just did it because i don't want my son to be made fun of in the locker room". I'd like to think that we can raise our sons to be healthy whole secure people that have more important things to worried about then whose penis looks like what. i will never do it to another son if i am so blessed to have another. And i always told my dh, because he was worried about ds feeling bad if he didn't look just like dad, that when he's old enogh to care he'll be old enough to know that we chose not to cut him because we knew he was perfect just the way he was born. I just will feel sorry for my ds who is no longer intact when i have to explain this to another son. I hate it when people (my parents) say that he's fine the way he is and that it's nothing to get upset about. I make me think they are so cold. If i was raped i'm sure i would survive but that doesn't make it alright to do! it is sad really how stupid some people can be just so close minded, really really SAD JUST DON'T DO IT


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## Missy

My two little boys are circed and it is the one thing I truly regret. They had no complications, nothing horrible that grabbed my attention, but the posts on MDC led me to do my own research and I now understand what an unnecessary and awful procedure it is. I want to thank the mamas here who continue to education others. It is because of their persistence that I even questioned the surgery. If we ever have another boy, he will leave the hospital intact. Dh and I have already discussed it and he agrees.

Again, thank you! And, please, continue to speak out!!

Missy


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## squirrelletta

Yes I do. I didn't want to, wasent properly educated (which is my own fault), and my husband wanted to but when the time came he cryed before they came in to get them that he didnt want to hurt ds. That ripped my heart out and we both ask ourselves "why did we do this then?"
They gave DS anethetic and he didnt even twitch or cry. Not an excuse, but its the ONLY thing that makes us feel better. We will not do it again and are trying to fuiger out what we would tell the boy's (if we have two) as to why they are "different".
It gets me sick that I and DH where even "allowed" to make this decision for him. If it was banned, uneducated parents like us would not have the option. I hurt my perfect baby. Im so sorry Merrick.

I'm starting a post on parents who have one son Circ'd and another child intact...I'd like to hear what they plan on saying or doing.


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## jakesmama

In every other way I feel like such a great, loving parent, but I deeply regret the "choice" to circ. Now, it makes no sense to me how it is that I wouldn't even allow ds to cry-it-out as a babe, but I would just go ahead and rip some skin from his penis. Ds father was very adamant that Jake be circed and even though I instinctively knew better (listen to yourself mama







) I went ahead and consented. Perhaps this is the reason why ds had "colic" for months on end. Who knows, but if you ask me it seems pretty obvious. Also (and wow am I embarassed writing this) ds was born premature. He wasn't even ready to be out here where it's noisy, cold, and bright, and to top it all off some stranger cuts off the most senstive part of his anatomy WITHOUT ANTHESTESIA!!! I think it is pretty routine that docs no longer allow parents to witness the surgery which in my opinion speaks volumes. I would never have allowed my baby to be strapped to a board for any other reason so what's so different about a circumcision? I wish it were banned as a form of child abuse so that my ds would have been spared. Hindsight being 20/20 no more of my children will be circumcised for any reason.


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## Anglyn

Reading some of these posts makes me cry! My ds1 was circed. I was 22 when I gave birth, I knew nothing about it really. I tried to research it, but there was so much conflicting stuff out there. So I took the easy way out and let my ex decide. I mean, he was a man after all. In my gut, I didnt want to do it, but everyone said he'd get infected, have to have it done later blahblah...stuff I now know to be untrue. So we did it. DS went on a nursing strike for a day or so. I asked my ex later why he chose to do it, expecting some well thought out answer backed by research and personal philosophy. What did I get? "Because it was done to me". That brought me up short. What kind of answer was that? Lots of things were done to me that I'd never do to another person. That plastic ring thats suppose to just fall off on its own when its all healed? Yeah, well, part of the skin grew back around that so most of it was trying to come off but it was held down in that one spot so it was rubbing back and forth. He was three days old and screaming like you wouldnt believe, nothing worked. Finally when I took his diaper off to check his temp (on docs orders, armpit wasnt good enough), he stopped crying then I saw his poor little penis. We had to go get it RECLIPPED and this time, unlike the first time, I was there and saw his reaction, had to hold him to have it done and it had to be done to get the ring off (the plastibell). It was horrible. Tell me they dont feel pain, what a crock of sh%^. I was using sposies, but had to go to cloth diapers cuz his wound (yes, red, raw and oozing) would stick to the disposible diapers and hurt. Cloth didnt bother him.

Anyway, fast forward several years when I went back to school and Im taking an anthropology course where we cover female genital mutilation and Im horrified and disbeleiving and ask how anyone could let that happen to thier child, much less participate in it! The prof tells me because they honestly believe <list of stupid reasons>. And it hit me physically right in the gut that those are the same reasons WE give for male circumcision and that Europeans much see us as barbaric and horrific as I was seeing these people. Ouch. I swore then and there I'd never circ another baby. And I felt so guilty for letting it happen to my first.

Luckily, my current dh is intact and there was never a question or an argument and we used a midwife, no hospital, so I didnt have to argue with anyone to keep ds2 intact. But I would have. Oh, boy, would I have! Well, I did argue with my mom, but she had no power to enforce her opinion thankfully and after reading some literature I gave her from the birthing centers waiting room, she has completely changed her mind.


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## AdoptChina

All 3 of my sons were circ'd. The part I regret the most was when I was pregnant with my oldest, I had pretty much decided I wasnt going to circ.....but I wasn't 100 % sure (everyone I knew was, and my ex was).....I talked about it with my ex and at the last minute decided to do it









Im sure if I had held strong then, the other 2 wouldnt have been circ'd either. My DH watched our 2nd son being circ'd...so Im surprised he still said he wanted our 3rd son to get it done (he didnt really care, but I think leaned towards doing it since it was familiar). Our 3rd son's looks different....they left much more intact (so much so that the pediatrician said they should have taken more off....but Im glad they didnt)

I just wish I had followed my gut initially.


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## amybw

I wish i had been more informed.
I didnt really know what all the baby went through.
When they took my son away i was expecting it to be a few minutes and he would be right back with me to try to bf. I waited, waited, waited... and when he didnt come back soon i was starting to get worried. At least an hour had passed and I was sick that something had happened.
They had taken him to the nursery and back then i just thought, oh they didnt know i wanted him back in my room. Well, looking back i am sure that the procedure took more than a couple of minutes. ( dont know what i was thinking, like it was getting a hair cut or something???? no idea) And that they take them straight to the nursery because they dont want the parents to see the babies so upset.
I can only hope and pray they used some sort of anesthesia. I used to obsess every day about why i had it done. But i cant wreck myself like that. I cant dwell on it i will put myself into a depression. I can be informed and do better next time. When we know better, we do better, right?

I am still upset though over a friend who volunteered to change DS's diaper at about a month old. I know she only did it to see if he was circumcised or not. That embarrasses me that she would purposefully change a diaper to look at my son's penis. Makes me sick actually. Isnt that one argument about the locker room- no one should be looking and comparing anyway? I have never said anything to this friend. She is obviously anti-circ, but she could have brought it up in conversation instead of looking at my son. Or she should have tried to inform me better before he was born. I really didnt know what the case against it was and didnt even know any difference. I am not saying anythignis her fault. I am saying that after the fact, it is really not her business. I am kinda embarrassed to admit that i had that done to my son, and i feel that was pouring salt into my wound. Or whispering and gossipping about me behind my back. " Did you see? Amy had her son circumcised. I just cant believe she did that." Isnt the guilt of having it done bad enough. Then to be judged by others for womething you already regret???


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## baileyandmikey

Here's our story of regret:

I became educated about circumcisions during my pregnancy by researching here and on the web. I was very strongly against it and constantly argued with my husband about it the whole time. My dh is intact, so I assumed our son would be too. But unfortunatlely, my bil (who is extremly messed up due to drug use-this is not a lie) tried to cir'c his self at the age of 27 with a pair of sissors, since then my dh has held to the idea that boys need to be cir'c. Well, when I had ds, my husband signed the papers, as I constantly refused, but what could I say at the moment. They swore it would only be a few minutes. Needless to say that 3 hours later, a very distraught baby came back to the room. He refused to nurse for the next four hours and screamed constantly and we could do NOTHING to ease his pain or calm him down. The whole process was tramitizing and NOT WORTH IT!!! My dh has now agreed that we will NEVER do this to another child of ours ever. (NOt to mention that I constantly ask him how he'd feel if someone were to mutilate him.) Also, my friend who has two boys has had to have them both recir'c many times, due to the skin growing attached again, so once again. I REGRET IT AND WOULDN"T WISH IT ON ANY BABY BOY EVER!


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## AntoninBeGonin

Hi everyone,

Our son is (almost) 10 months. He's intact, thank goodness. I just wanted to know I wish I could give each and everyone of you great big hugs. Your stories have really touched me. I swear I feel like I could cry, I just feel so bad for all of you.

~Nay


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## HaveWool~Will Felt

Both of my sons are circumcised. I wish we would of never done it.


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## sarathan

I 100% regret having our first son circumcised. We just never really questioned it, as I think a lot of mother moms don't question it. We just thought it's what you're supposed to do since everyone we knows has their boys circumcised. I didn't really even know much about the procedure, I just thought it was a "quick snip". I can't believe how stupid and un-questioning I was. When I got pregnant for a second time, I did some research and I was shocked and horrified by the whole thing. We left our second some intact and I'm so glad I was able to save one of my boys from that awful procedure. I only wished I would have saved my first one...


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## quelindo

I just wanted you all to know that this thread helped convince me that I DO NOT want my baby (my first, a boy) circumcised, even though my DH felt very strongly that he wanted it done. (He's circumcised, as are his two teenage boys from his first marriage.)

I was thinking I would just leave this up to my DH, since he felt strongly about it and I had mixed feelings. But the more I read the more I realized that *I* was starting to feel very strongly about it -- against it -- and that I had way more valid reasons not to do it than DH had to do it.

And I'm happy to say that he has agreed not to do it, and our son will not be circumcised. So thank you all.


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## DevaMajka

I left the decision up to dbf, and he wanted to do it. My only stipulation was that he had to have anesthesia, so it "didn't hurt".
Ugh. I have no idea why it didn't occur to me to just leave him the way he was! I wouldn't have wanted to "alter" a baby girl, so why did I let this happen to my ds?
When he was a couple of months old, some skin around his circ grew together. (yes I did take care of it and keep it clean, and pull it back occasionally). When it came apart, it hurt my poor baby. I felt so so so awful







I decided then and there that any other sons I have will remain natural and intact.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who did this and now regrets allowing it to happen. It's something I can't change, but at least I can learn from it, and perhaps others can learn from it too.

Becky
Keagan 11 mos


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## Amica

Thanks ladies for all of your input. I wasn't sure early on in my pregnancy what I was going to decide and like a lot of the population was misinformed. When our ds is born in the next week or so he will be left intact, just as nature intended.


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## Faerieshadow

Sigh.. I'll have to be added to this list.







I am so guilty over the fact that I took care to research natural birthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, cosleeping, gentle discipline... but it never ocurred to me to research circing. Being not at all familiar with the proper functioning of the penis, I didn't even know the foreskin _had_ a purpose until much later when I found MDC! The only person I'd met that was intact (that I know of - I'm sure plenty of other men I've known have been intact, but it hasn't come up in conversation) was BIL, who told us he'd wished he'd been circed. He never did explain why and I didn't know enough to question it. The irony being his son is intact even though he planned to circ him - he was just too lazy to get around to doing it. What a lucky little boy in that one instance to have had lazy parents!!! MIL was against circ, but she never spoke to me about it so I was never given the other point of view. I just thought it was "normal". I cannot believe that I questioned and fought "normal" procedures such as drugs during labor, having the baby removed to a nursery, etc... but didn't think to question circing. I think of myself as irresponsible for not taking care to educate myself regarding male genital care in order to provide my son with the best. DS has what I assume is a low and loose circ. It looks unfinished to me, as if he's stuck with a half circumcision or something. I really have no idea whether it falls in the realm of (again, that word) "normal" or if he'll have to worry about not looking like either circed OR intact boys. I don't have any horror stories about the actual procedure, although I felt like I was swallowing my heart the entire time we sat waiting for them to do the procedure. I should have listened to mother's instinct and left. I most certainly will not be circing any other boys if we are blessed enough to have them. And I will have to face my son when he asks me why I cut off a part of his penis and tell him "because I didn't know any better" as if that is a justifiable excuse.







I'm heartbroken over my stupidity and clearly see that it never should have been MY choice in the first place whether he kept his intact penis or not.


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## sleepies

i feel a little bad about it.

my two sons are circumcized.

i don't plan on circumcizing this time, but i am unsure......

i regret having them circumcized, because i actually watched a show on television which made me realize that mostly 'uncivilized' places were circumcizing...and most 'civilized' places were not..................

then i started thinking about the statues in art museums (classical ones) aren't usually circ'

i thought that the non-circ looked "odd", but now i sort of think that the circumcized way is more "odd"

as for health reasons. i don't see any big difference thus far.

i don't plan on circumcizing this time around.

i am a little nervous though. as i have never dealt with an uncircumcized penis and i am not sure how or what i should do.....and husband also doesn't know what to do. so fear is making me a little nervous.

anyway, if i had to do again. id NOT get them done.

just because we did it for "looks" and now my views have changed somewhat.


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## PGTlatte

Our almost 2.5 yr old DS is circ'd. We were convinced by a ped, a high-risk OB, and two specialists after his birth that it would be a medical necessity for him, because he was born with a kidney defect, and even one UTI could result in the loss of a kidney for him, and that if it wasn't done as an infant, if he ever got a UTI in his life, he would have to have it done later. At the time we saw our decision as protecting his kidney and saving him the trouble of inevitably having it done at a later age. The urologist who ended up doing his kidney surgery agreed that we made the right decision in having him circ'd....he said he was opposed to routine circ, but that our son's was not a routine case. Anesthesia was used, and honestly when he came back and the doctor was showing us, it did seem to be numb, and it never seemed to bother him during diaper changes either, and if there is such a thing as a well-done circ, I think his is probably very well done as it was very clean, there is quite a bit of foreskin left, and it healed very quickly. Still, even with all this, I wish I had dug deeper into the risks of UTI for circ'd vs uncirc'd and questioned the procedure more, if for no other reason that to have had more peace with whatever decision we came to. I regret that. And I'm sad my DS will never know the benefits of an intact foreskin.

DS2 is due in 5 weeks and appears so far to be perfectly healthy







DH wanted to have him circ'd so the "whole family would look alike" but I have convinced him that we won't. We only thought about it with DS1 because of his kidney problem, and there is no way I could ever justify having it done to another son for purely cosmetic reasons. I would feel guilty forever. DS2 will be intact....so I have been reading up on the care of (leave it alone !) and common questions new parents of intact boys have


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## Stevie

I just wanted to chime in and say that I did indeed apologize to my first son. He was not aware there was any controversy surrounding circ. but accepted my apologies with great grace and began to educate himself and all his friends as well. Since he is nearly 29 years old now, his words do more to save more babies than mine!









My 2nd son is now almost 2 and I have had no regrets over leaving him whole







We chuckle when he "balloons" while sitting on the potty and any momentary redness is gone by the next diaper change







I also know where to go and where to send anyone else who has any questions about circ or care of the intact penis. In fact, I have sent several mommas here from another board and their questions have been answered with compassion.


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## TwoSets

I do regret it, kinda.
I have twin boys. Milo is intact, Owen is circumcised. Owen was born with fairly severe hypospadias. At the time, I was told the only option was circumcision. I was pretty out of it, having just had a really rough twin vaginal birth, and I didn't know any better. It had to be done, so I agreed.
Part of me still agrees that it had to be done. I think it would have been done anyway, no matter what less drastic measures we chose. I don't necessarily regret circing him, I regret more not trying every other option before agreeing to it. Even if it would have been done anyway, we would at least know we tried to spare him.
Milo, on the other hand, is intact. My family, including my partner, fought me tooth and nail on this one. They thought if one was circumcised, they both should be. This one I stood my ground over and it was one of the worst fights my partner and I have ever had... leading up to the famous "dammit they're my kids not yours" comment, which of course I regretted instantly but it did make her back down a bit








They are almost six years old, and they don't give a hill of beans about the difference. One day they might, and I'll explain to Owen why we had him circed. It is then that I think I'll regret not having tried other means. But, I do take small comfort in the fact that I know it probably would have been done anyway.


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## AnonymousAndHiding

I had a perfect little baby boy. My first boy. I circumcised him for religious reasons. It was a terrible mistake. I shook, I cried, I listened to him screaming. It wasn't even a long time screaming and he was held in loving grampa's arms.

I felt there was no way I could *not* do this thing but now I wonder how I ever could have. He hiccuped and whimpered for hours after, and didn't want to nurse even. I was sick to my stomach and cried and whimpered in the bed with him. It was the first and last time in his life, I hope, he screamed like that.

He has long forgotten the pain I suppose, he's a happy baby and smiles at me and coos when I change his diaper. When I look at him, I cringe to think what I let happen.

















I"m so sorry, baby boy.


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## Quirky

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peepsqueak*
My father is a pediatric surgeon and says the babies really have no nerve feelings so it can be done quickly with a sharp scalpal. As long as it is not torn, it can heal adequately. Of course he is old school.

Your father is very much mistaken....babies feel pain even more exquisitely than adults do.

Back in the very old days, because of the belief that babies don't feel pain, they used to paralyze them but NOT anesthetize them for MAJOR surgery.


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## Frankly Speaking

AnonymousAndHiding, you do not need to be anonymous or have to hide any more. You are in a safe place here. Welcome!

Frank


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## Frankly Speaking

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Quirky*
Your father is very much mistaken....babies feel pain even more exquisitely than adults do.

Back in the very old days, because of the belief that babies don't feel pain, they used to paralyze them but NOT anesthetize them for MAJOR surgery.









Jane, I did some research on this issue a while back. From what I understand, they knew and understood the pain the babies were going through but felt that the risk of anesthesia shock was greater than the risk of systemic shock from the pain. However, they learned to manage anesthesia shock years ago (1960's I think) but continued this practice well into the 1990's. The research indicated that the majority of infant thorasic surgeries performed in the 1980's were performed with paralytics only and I suspect that some may still be done that way today.

It wasn't that they believed these babies didn't feel pain, they just didn't care.

Frank


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## AnonymousAndHiding

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Frankly Speaking*
Jane, I did some research on this issue a while back. From what I understand, they knew and understood the pain the babies were going through but felt that the risk of anesthesia shock was greater than the risk of systemic shock from the pain. However, they learned to manage anesthesia shock years ago (1960's I think) but continued this practice well into the 1990's. The research indicated that the majority of infant thorasic surgeries performed in the 1980's were performed with paralytics only and I suspect that some may still be done that way today.

It wasn't that they believed these babies didn't feel pain, they just didn't care.

Frank

Oh, my God. I can't bear the thought of this. I just can't bear it. How can they live with themselves?

Why, why, why do people treat babies and children as if they were not deserving of basic humankindness? Or even basic kindness? If they operated on an animal without anesthetic they would be arrested. I can't understand why people think it's okay to do that to helpless innocent babies!

I was up all night crying intermittently over this whole thing. I think that, for several weeks, just trying to get through the day with a newborn and two other children made me put off dealing with this issue. Now that things are more steady (shhhhhh...not too loud....







) I am trying to come to terms with what we did to our boy. Does this overwhelming and oppressive feeling of guilt and dread go away for moms?


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## Frankly Speaking

Medical professionals are regularly surrounded by the pain of their patients and learn how to block it out and become immune to it. They also learn by experience that they can not become too involved with their patients and too emphathetic with them or the emotions become too intense to perform their job. I think this eventually extends to a willingness to subject their patients to unnecessary pain.

While I can't tell you that your emotional pain and guilt will ever completely go away, you will learn to deal with it and compartmentalize it just like you eventually learn to deal with the death of a loved one.

Frank


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## MrsRoss

I completely regret circ'ing my beautiful little baby. It was against my better judgment that I gave up fighting my husband over the issue because the doctor told us that a topical anesthesia would be used. I had read and read about not circ'ing. I presented my case to dh armed with studies and facts, but he wouldn't listen to any of it. He couldn't believe that I _wouldn't_ want my son circ'ed. My husband couldn't even come up with a good reason to have it done. He said that it would just be easier to get him circ'ed now rather than have to teach our 4 year-old boy how to care for his intact penis.

Shortly before ds was born, I finally just gave up on the whole thing, told dh it was on his head, and made him sign the consent form. The doctor told me it would be over quickly, and ds would even get a pacifier with sugar on it. He would be back in our room nursing away before we knew it.

Of course it was not dh who had to look at my poor son's bloody, mutilated penis those first few weeks during diaper changes. Dh didn't have to slather it with vaseline to keep it from sticking to the diaper. Later, when ds was about 8 months old, it was me, who with a nurse's help, had to hold down my son while the doctor forcibly removed the adhesions that were forming around the head of his penis by holding it and yanking down the skin. There was no topical anesthesia this time. There was no sugar-laden bink to stop him from screaming.

Since this whole terrible ordeal, I have put my foot down, and no more of our boys, if we have any, will be put through this. When my sweet firstborn is older, I will ask his forgiveness for this horrible thing I capitulated to when he was just two days old. It is forgiving myself that will be the hardest part.


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## Punkymom

I couldn't read anymore after the first page. This is the first time I have truly allowed myself to mourn over the decision I made. My son was born May 6, 2004. Perfect, 9 lbs, 3 oz. I didn't want to have him circumsized. I knew all the research, I knew that he was perfect not being cut. Unfortunately, I was with a man who was not the baby's father and he was controlling and manipulative and a habitual lier. He convinced (or rather I gave up fighting him) me to get baby circumsized. I'm crying so hard as I type this. There's nothing I can do, now. I caused my baby pain. He is highly sensitive to pain. I noticed this from day one. He is unvaxed, so we had no shot experiences, but he had a 2 y/o sister and she could be kind of rough on him. When she accidentally hurt him, he screamed bloody murder. Never in my life have I heard a baby react like that to being hurt. He's almost 18 mos now and even now when he gets hurt he is inconsolable and arches his back when I pick him up to comfort him. After a couple of minutes he snuggles on my shoulder, but my daughter never reacted to pain so violently. I'm so very sorry, baby boy. You are mommy's pride and I love you so very much. I would die for you, why couldn't I stop them from hurting you? I'm so very sorry, my love.


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## dancermomof2

I assume the baby in question has already been circumcised, but I will share my story anyway.
I can not claim ignorance or anything other than choosing to let my husband make a stupid decision I knew was wrong.
My son was born at home, a wonderful peaceful birth. My husband and I had debated for many months--with the end result always being him mad at me and me mad at him. He grew up in a very "mainstream" family (sleep with your kids? breastfeed past six weeks? NO VACCINATIONS!?!, etc.)
I wanted my husband to go in with our son so he could see the horrible mutilation he forced upon this beautiful, perfect baby. At the last minute he chickened out and left me alone. I watched the entire process as punishment for what I was doing. I will never forget the torture I saw the doctor inflict upon my baby. I cried harder than my son did, and I didn't stop crying for three days (I also did not speak to my husband during that period). If we ever have another boy, I will NOT give in! My son deserved to make that choice on his own, it was not our place to decide for him.
The only positive outcome is being able to share my story with expectant mothers facing this decision.
But I doubt the guilt will ever go away, and I will make damn sure my son(s) understand the importance of having an intact penis, the penis they were born with.


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## Myboysmom

*BELOW IS POSTED WHAT I WROTE IN A THREAD I STARTED TODAY. I WAS ENCOURAGED TO POST MY STORY HERE, AND I AM. I NEVER DREAMED I WOULD FEEL THIS STRONGLY BUT LIFE EXPERIENCES HAVE LED ME TO THIS ADVOCACY. I CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST BUT I MAY BE ABLE TO HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE FUTURE!*

Background first: I left the decision up to my ex about whether or not to circ the boys. I really didn't see the point but let him decide. and they were all circumcized before leaving the hospital. Well, he turned out to be a first class







so letting him choose is just one of many decisions I regret making.

I discovered through a conversation with my mother after my father's death he had never been cut. He always felt it was because no one cared enough to do it when he was born (he was an orphan from birth). Mom says she never could convince him it was not a big deal and that there was nothing WRONG with being intact. (my sisters totally freaked at her saying that and me supporting it by stating I wished my boys had not been circ'd)

NOW, I have recently had my very first sexual experience with an uncut man. OH MY GOSH!!!! WHY DID I LET THAT HAPPEN TO MY BOYS??????????? I certainly will advocate AGAINST it wholeheartedly from NOW ON!!!


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## Quirky

(((Kim))) Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you will be able to give your son info on restoration when it's appropriate to do so. Have you talked to your dh about it? My dh is personally very resistant to the idea right now but I hope that one day he might be willing to learn more about it.

I respect you so much for refusing to participate in circs any more - if only more health care professionals were as courageous as you! And you probably know this already, but just FYI in case you don't - Marilyn Milos, RN, the founder of NOCIRC, had 3 boys in the 70s and all of them were routinely circed. It wasn't until she later went to nursing school that she realized what circ was and took a stand against it. Because of brave people like her and like you, so many boys will be spared!


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## craftykitty

Ugh. My first child is cut and I TOTALLY regret it. I never agreed with it, but I let my dh make the final decision (he complained that he wasn't allowed to make any choices for the baby and HE was the one with a penis... blah, blah, blah). Anyway, it was terrible and I would never let it be done to another child.


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## craftykitty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MrsRoss*
I completely regret circ'ing my beautiful little baby. It was against my better judgment that I gave up fighting my husband over the issue because the doctor told us that a topical anesthesia would be used. I had read and read about not circ'ing. I presented my case to dh armed with studies and facts, but he wouldn't listen to any of it. He couldn't believe that I _wouldn't_ want my son circ'ed. My husband couldn't even come up with a good reason to have it done. He said that it would just be easier to get him circ'ed now rather than have to teach our 4 year-old boy how to care for his intact penis.

Shortly before ds was born, I finally just gave up on the whole thing, told dh it was on his head, and made him sign the consent form. The doctor told me it would be over quickly, and ds would even get a pacifier with sugar on it. He would be back in our room nursing away before we knew it.

Of course it was not dh who had to look at my poor son's bloody, mutilated penis those first few weeks during diaper changes. Dh didn't have to slather it with vaseline to keep it from sticking to the diaper. Later, when ds was about 8 months old, it was me, who with a nurse's help, had to hold down my son while the doctor forcibly removed the adhesions that were forming around the head of his penis by holding it and yanking down the skin. There was no topical anesthesia this time. There was no sugar-laden bink to stop him from screaming.

Since this whole terrible ordeal, I have put my foot down, and no more of our boys, if we have any, will be put through this. When my sweet firstborn is older, I will ask his forgiveness for this horrible thing I capitulated to when he was just two days old. It is forgiving myself that will be the hardest part.


Wow, this is *exactly* my story as well.


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## Seie

I cannot thank all you of you enough for sharing your stories here.
I would like to tell you that I have referred a woman to this page and quoted experiences I have read here. And she has now showed them to her DH who wanted any sons they might have in the future circumcised because he himself was circumcised. But after reading the quotes from this thread they are both convinced that they will NOT circumcise. And the DH finally admits to still having sideeffects to his circumcision.
I hope it helps all of you to know that your stories made a difference!
Thanks again.

Inca


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## bunniemunch

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Quirky*
Your father is very much mistaken....babies feel pain even more exquisitely than adults do.

Back in the very old days, because of the belief that babies don't feel pain, they used to paralyze them but NOT anesthetize them for MAJOR surgery.



















i remember reading about this and it was like, hello common sense? of course it hurts!!!


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## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bunniemunch*









i remember reading about this and it was like, hello common sense? of course it hurts!!!

Sadly, it wasn't even "the very old days" - they were doing that as recently as 1986.


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## InDaPhunk

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bunniemunch*









i remember reading about this and it was like, hello common sense? of course it hurts!!!

If newborns don't feel pain then why do they scream their heads off when they get the PKU heel prick? KWIM? People can justify anything if they're motivated enough. Anyway, back to the thread topic....


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## MistyMM

Those moms who regret circumcising, there is a yahoo groupfor you at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regretfulmoms


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## GranolaBar

I really really regret having my ds circumcised. My husband was circumcised and I figured it was a normal and good thing. I hadn't read into it or anything about it because I was still pretty young when I had him. I didn't know any better, so when the hospital asked if they could perform the operation I said yes. I thought that everyone did it









After now reading articles about it I feel awful about it and bad that I never looked into it before. If I could go back in time I would..


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## bugg

It's amazing and sooo sad to see how many of us were bullied into circ'ing by our partners







my love is an amazing man, who totally jumped into natural parenting head first. the one thing he would not see for what it was... circumcision. He made me feel like our boys HAD to be circ'ed, that every man he knew was, that he was, that it was what the boys would want as they got older. I love this man w/ all of my heart but he is so wrong and i regret not fighting harder for what i believed in. our sons are happy, beautiful beings and i hope they forgive me for mutilating their tiny bodies- although i will never forgive myself


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## marly212

I wouldn't describe myself as being bullied into circumcizing my son. I was uninformed. I regret it deeply to this day. He is almost 2 and a half years old and with every diaper change the scene of the circumcision comes back. It does help to read about others feelings and talk about it though. I think, also, the more people like those on this board try and get the word out, the more future mothers will think twice or at least research. I did it because I was told by those "in the know" that it is what we should do. He's my son and I should've stood up for him, no one else was going to.

Thanks, kind of new here.
Marly

Also, here is a site about regrets I found, kind of interesting to see people share their regrets: www.ishty.blogspot.com


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## JamesMama

I've read this thread from begining to end several times. I printed it out and made DH read it...it has taken me MONTHS to work up the courage to post myself.

I regret the decision to circumsize my son. I have no excuses. I didn't educate myself at all. I didn't research it in the slightest. Every man I know is circed. Every parent I know says circ is the way to go. I listened to DH and GFIL tell me he was 34 when he was circed due to infection. I believed them when they said it happens all the time. "Do it now when he can't remember. Not when he's 34" I told DH "It's up to you, I don't have a penis." The nurse came and got him, told me I was not allowed in the room when they did it. I cried the whole time. They brought him back with a bottle of glucose water, I refused the glucose water because I had done research on nipple confusion (I did a TON of research on breastfeeding, none on circ) I nursed him and thought all was well. I didn't regret it in the slightest for months. I had no clue. I dutefuly dabbed the vasaline and gauze pad on his poor mutilated red penis at every diaper change and told myself that was normal. My brothers was like that when I changed his diapers. My cousins was like that when I changed his diapers completly normal.

When DS was 4 months old (or so) I stumbled upon MDC, I read around a bit...I noticed the SAY NO TO CIRC things in peoples siggy's...I clicked on some links...my heart stopped. I read and I read and I cried and I cried. I ran to my 4 month old son and begged for his forgiveness. I showed the things to my husband...forced him to look...to read. LOOK AT WHAT WE DID TO HIM! I screamed! We're terrible parents. I sobbed for days. I was inconsoliable. DH did not understand, he was circed. He is fine. Grandpa had an infection, he told me over and over. I made him read how rare that is. He **** was unconvinced. I printed off this tread and made him read. He still didn't understand. He said I was overreacting. Finally I pushed it enough and he says "It's been done, we won't do it again. I promise, if we have another boy we won't do it again. Don't feel guilty. When you know better you do better."

I live with my regret every single day. I cannot put into words how much I regret that decision. I regret it more than any decision I've ever made in my entire life. I regret circing my perfect, precious son every single day of my life. I cannot look at SAY NO TO CIRC smilies, messages and the Circ board without feeling such terrible guilt I nearly cry...again.


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## kldliam

Please join an online group for mothers who share the same regrets about circumcision:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regret...guid=128903934


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## 2Sweeties1Angel

I really regret having my son circ'd. I didn't even consent to the procedure, but I probably would have at the time







I don't know why--DH is intact so it wasn't about looking like his Daddy. I had never done any research and I guess it just seemed like the "normal" thing to do. After taking care of that little cap for a week and seeing the pus and blood I realized a huge mistake had been made but it was too late to change it







I don't know how I'll explain it to him when he's older and I know he'll be exposed mainly to intact boys--our homeschool playgroup is very crunchy and none of them circ.


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## carlaluisa

I regret getting my son circed. I never wanted to but like many others my dh decided he wanted our ds to look like him. He was perfect before the circ and now at 10 months our dr said he has a concealed penis and we might want to get surgery to correct it. After reading about this tonight I have found that it is most likely a result from the circ. Somehow the penis has retracted back so that you can only see the tip. I have to push on the surrounding skin so it will pop out so I can clean it......I wish I would have been more forceful abount not wanting him to be circed....


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## Munchkingirl

Oh I want to voice my regret...pain...but it just will not be found. The hurt closes my throat and clogs up my eyes so I can not see to write. Not yet...


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Munchkingirl*
Oh I want to voice my regret...pain...but it just will not be found. The hurt closes my throat and clogs up my eyes so I can not see to write. Not yet...


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## anotherKatrina

This is my second post on this thread. My sister plans to circ her perfect boy tomorrow morning. I haven't been able to change her mind.

I still remember my son's circ. I remember how he struggled against the straps that held him on the board. I'll never forget how he screamed until his raw throat could produce no more sound. I've spent more than a day sobbing on and off, all day long. My son will be 14 years old next month. The pain really has no end.


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## Marilyn Milos RN

This is the inscription I wrote for my youngest son on a circumcision book that I co-edited:

Dear Timothy,

You know that, if I could take one thing back in my life of many mistakes, it would be the circumcision of my sons--the gravest mistake of all!

It is the pain and trauma inflicted upon you, because I didn't know enough to protect you, that will save untold numbers of other babies from the same suffering. It will never be enough because it won't be you and your brothers that are spared.

Still, I hope, as witness to your betrayal and trauma, it will help you to heal your most profound wound. And, I know you, too, will help protect the next generation.

With my deepest apologies and my greatest love,

Mom

No mother should ever have to write such a letter. No son should ever have to receive one. Timothy is now the father of two intact children, 3-year-old Demetri (a boy) and 9-month-old Talia (a girl).

My sons and my husband all wish they were intact. They realize what they've lost and would never pass the wounding along. I hope you and your husband come to understand that the baby you are making is perfect and he needs to be loved, respected, and protected, especially from a painful and traumatic unnecessary, elective, non-therapeutic amputation of the most sensitive part of his penis. Your baby is depending on you! Take the whole baby home.

Marilyn


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## Kathryn

Marilyn! Wow! It's like having our very own celebrity on here


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## Quirky




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## njeb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Quirky*































:
Welcome, Marilyn!







to you for all the hard work you've done over the last 20 some years to bring an end to this barbaric practice!


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## jessjgh1

Marilyn,
It is wonderful for you to add your letter to our community here. Your story is one that many of us know- and your work is something we all respect.

I know there are many eager ears and fingers here to take ACTION!!

*And to all the mothers* who have shared their story here, I hope you all know how powerful your words are. I know I feel a kinship because I feel that I could have easily made a different choice and been the one to feel regretful- and I KNEW that circumcision harms. I would have had to blame myself and having read of people that regretted their decision kept me STRONG. I didn't find this MDC link till after my son was born and I know the first time I read through I just cried and cried.

You all make me want to work harder to do what I can to educate other parents, medical profesionals, and future parents.

Hugs!

Jessica


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## Marilyn Milos RN

Thank you for welcoming me to your group. I won't be posting often because my plate is full, but I did want to share in this thread because, if my story saves one mother or baby from suffering, it will be worth it!

When I began my work 27 years ago, there were only a handful of us talking about circumcision. (I was the one who wouldn't shut up!) Today, there are so many of us, I don't know everyone anymore. And, I'm always amazed by how much others know. You're saying things it took me years to figure out, and you're saying them well. So, I'm also writing to thank each of you who is working to protect the bodily integrity rights of children. You give me hope for the world!

If you ever have a question, please feel free to contact me at [email protected]. Also, be sure to let me know if you think I can help with a particular discussion here, and I'll be happy to join you.

Blessings, Marilyn


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## Marilyn Milos RN

To Other Moms of Circumcised Boys,

It occurs to me that we are the courageous mothers, we are the ones who are willing to look critically at what we've allowed for our sons, for whatever reason -- the not knowing, the coercion, the pressure, wanting to acquiesce to our husbands, fathers brothers, peers, or simply because we were lied to.

We are not unlike the courageous men who look at the scar on their penis and recognize they've lost something that was rightfully theirs, a crucial, functioning, important part of their organ of pleasure and procreation. They recognize that their penis was diminished in size, sensitivity, and function because someone did that to them.

We suffer the horrible pain of that realization. Never before in history have so many people recognized the atrocity of genital cutting and the horror of what is done to babies behind closed doors.

The remarkable part of this is the fact that we are the ones who can bring about change! We can bring an end to this anachronistic blood ritual just by telling our stories. Each story is vitally important, and you are the story tellers.

And, the best part of all this (if there is a best part of what we have to live with on a daily basis) is that we can transform our own pain by telling our stories and bringing about an end to non-therapeutic circumcision.

Thank you, my sisters and friends, for your willingness to speak out. It's what's going to help make a difference in us and in our society.

Blessing, Marilyn


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## MistyMM

Marilyn,

I am saddened that I did not meet you 5 years ago. I'm saddened that I didn't meet the many courageous, outspoken, sometimes offensive mothers who made me realize the terrible thing that I allowed to happen to my son. I have learned better now, and have an intact baby boy, who just turned a year old. I am active in nocirc in florida, and do everything in my power to helpspread the word. I had free business cards made up at www.vistaprint.com and had "circumcision is ending in america find out how at www.nocirc.org" and other catchy phrases on them. I find my therapy in leaving these business cards in places that pregnant moms would be. I leave them inside pregnancy books at borders and barnes and nobles. I leave them in the baby aisles of the grocer and other stores. I litter babies r us with them. I don't shop at these stores, but I go there SPECIFICALLY to find the mainstream jane do america and spread the word to her. It is all I can do. And I hope it is enough. And when the grief overcomes me, I go to the support group I made (that is growing) and I cry with them. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regretfulmoms

Misty
Mommy to Tommy (4.5 and cut) Tori (2.5 and protected by law) and Bobby (1 year old, intact)


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## Marilyn Milos RN

Thanks for your message, Misty.

You've brought an end to circumcision in your own family. It shows that we can grow and change! Bless you for that!

I truly appreciate your brilliant idea about having business cards printed and putting them every place you think they might save a baby. We know change is happening one mother or father at a time...and just getting the message out is what's needed.

You're another mother who brings me great hope! Thank you for that!

Marilyn


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## MistyMM

Circumcision IS ENDING in America, one TRUELY informed parent at a time.

Anyone here is welcome to join the yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regretfulmoms if you circed and regret it. I, after all, started the group for us, who feel such deep pain and remorse.
Misty
(who lives in a state where medicaid no longer covers circs thanks to the hard work of intactivists, and our circ rate is down to almost 35% (ironically VERY close to our c/s rate...but that is for another thread)


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## Canadianmommax3

My oldest son was and my youngest not, i didn't want him to be circ. but my hubby convinced me that he should, it was a sickening feeling to hear my son screaming in another room, i so wanted to go in there and rescue him, my dh ended up sending me to another part of the building, my second son is intact because we had waited to long and he would have had to be put out for the procedure, and there would be a risk with him being young and put under anesthesia. I was sooo happy that he would not be done!!


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## Mama~Love

I say with an EXTREMELY sad & heavy heart that all 3 of my boys are circed. I have SO MUCH guilt over this, I wasn't as educated as I should've been. I thought it was something that was routinely done, and never gave it much thought. But knowing what I know now, any future sons we may have will DEFINITELY NOT be circed.


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## jessjgh1

Teddybearmom,

Hugs to you.....

Jessica


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## TypicalSituation

I regret very much having my one and only son circumsised. I know that it is past February now, but maybe I can still make a difference. I don't know what I was thinking. Actually I wasn't thinking. I was completely uneducated about it, so much so that I didn't even question it. He came back to me crying and sore. His penis was BLEEDING! I immediately felt regret. Then, about 6 months later, he started developing this little spot where it was stuck together (I forgot what it's called) and had stuff collecting in a little hole, so the Ped. had to pull it back a little and told me I had to pull it back every day. He hated this. I only wish that I could put it back on! It breaks my heart that I put him through so much pain when he was so new to the world.


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## Intactguy57

My wife and I will live with the mistake of circing. our son for the rest of our lives. You see I am intact even though my dad was circ. He was intact until he went into the Army during WW11 where the Army insisted that all intact males be circed before going overseas, most had it done. My dad told me it was the worst thing that ever happened to him. I was born 3 years after the war ended and my dad came home, my brother one year later. He would not even discuss allowing us to be circed because he knew what the outcome would be. When my son was born two of our BIL and SIL had just had sons and both had been circed. My wife and I talked and talked about it and the day after he was born we decided to circ so he would look like the other two boys. My dad told me his story after we had our son circed and it almost killed me, I will have to live with that decision until I die. But the story just gets worse, 3 years ago my son gave me a grandson and , yes, they circed him to even after I talked to him they circed him to match his dad, more to have to live with. After finding out the truth about circ. from great people like the ones on this board and my dad before he died I am convinced of the terrible mistake that we made and I am going to work as hard as I can to try and save at least one little boy in my lifetime, that is why I joined this group.


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## pumpkinsmama

I can't figure out why I let it happen. DH was a factor, but I should have over-ruled him. I get sick when I think of all the pain I caused my child and the damage I allowed to have done to him. I will not circ another child regardless of DH's opinion, but it doesn't undo the damage already done. I read somewhere about techniques for "uncircing" and am beginning to look at that. I don't really know if it is an option but if so, then maybe it will help repair some of the damage.


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## SReyes

Just wanted to drop my thought~ My son was born 12/02 He was not circumsized. At the time of the delivery my father came to me and asked me why I was not going to circumsize him. I said to my father , because I don't really know what that is. Being a mother at 20 was hard on itself. More less now my father comes to me and is still asking why I did not circumsize my son. First off because then, I didn't really know what it was. Second because God brought me a beautiful son into the world, and I wanted to keep him the way he came! SO I also Say No to Circ. My son has never had any infections, and currently no other problems.. HEALTHY..








to jacob (12/02)







:







(3/06) and TTC #2







:


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## soybeansmama

I have come to this thread many times to find comfort in the words of other mamas who have regrets about their circ decision. I feel otherwise alone in my grief that runs so deep that I have a hard time putting it into words. It is somethjing that I think about daily. I just wanted to say thanks to the posters that have been so courageous in sharing their stories...It has been very healing for me...

Jessica


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## kittyclub2005

I am also another mother that deeply regrets circ. her son. I am hating myself over it everyday because I had my mothers instinct tell me not to do it, practically all the time, and I did it because I had no facts and the father was dead set on it (an intact man). I read up on it this past week cus bf (not intact) wants our newborn to get cut. He said to look it up and I did. After my research, I started crying by myself in my room over what I let happen to my 2 year old when my mother's instinct was telling me not to. I am now hating myself over it cus there's nothing I can do.


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## Maddy9199

I didn't read all the posts in this, but I'm sure I will go back and do so soon. It sucks doesn't it? I don't really ever wish that I could go back and do something over, feeling like usually what happened, happened for the best. But man, do I wish I could go back for this one. It never even occurred to me to look it up, I mean, I have family in the medical business, and all I ever heard was how great circ is and how dirty it is when you don't have it done.
I would like to say that, mama's who know, please get the word out there. If I had ever even heard once that it wasn't a good idea, maybe I would have gone with my instincts and said in the office, you know what? nevermind, I changed my mind. But I didn't even know to question.
You can feel sorry for my two circ'd boys if you want. I do too. It's so depressing, thinking about my sweet little intact boy, and then what I did to ruin it for no reason at all...


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## Lula's Mom

I think mamas who regret circ'ing make the very best intactivists of all. Your experience could make a really powerful impact on future parents. You have a perspective they can't help but listen to!







I'm so sorry for your heartache.


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## ColeysMama

Cole is circed. At the time the only info I had seen on it talked about how it's better for hygiene and all, but not bad if it's not done... so I decided I didn't care one way or another, and left it up to DH. He said, like father like son, so it was done.

Cole was 2 days old when they did it. They came to the hospital room, took him from me. A little while later I could hear a baby crying and I knew it was Coley... I wasn't even with him. They told me they gave him shots to numb it, and I know he won't remember a thing, but I cannot forgive myself for what I did to my poor helpless little boy. I am crying right now, just thinking about it. I would give ANYTHING to be able to go back in time and not let them do that to him.

Slightly off-topic, but does anyone know whether restoration can be done now? All the sites talk about grown men doing it themselves, but I would like to fix Cole now if I can...


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## Galatea

No, he has to restore himself as an adult. Sorry.


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## Tinas3muskateers

As a mother of two boys who are altered I do feel guilty. My oldest who is now 7 and I had a conversation the other day about his circ. I told him what they did and he held his penis tightly and said "Mom why would you let them do that!! They cut it!" and lowered my head in shame and he started to kinda laught because well he is 7 and we were talking about his penis. I knew better with my second. Read the info, saw the video, new it was wrong and not better or healthier. I did it anyhow. I k new better and didnt do better that is more shame then not knowing. Everytime I change him I think about it. My husband fought with me tooth and nail my whole pregnancy. We also fought over BFing him and I won that battle but I lost the circ one. Looking back now I should have just let him be and my husband to this day wouldnt have noticed because he rarely changes him. I should have told him go to hell and not let it happen. There would have been nothing he could have done about it. Its the mothers choice. So tell your friend that listening to others isnt helpful. Read, learn and go with your heart.


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## Revamp

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColeysMama*
Slightly off-topic, but does anyone know whether restoration can be done now? All the sites talk about grown men doing it themselves, but I would like to fix Cole now if I can...

I believe that there is a foreskin restoration operation but opinion over it seems divided amongst the tuggers over whether it works or not and although it certainly has more merit as an operation than a circumcision is could still be classed as cosmetic surgery, ironically enough you might be able to remove his foreskin but not get it back...


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## Galatea

No one does the surgery anymore. They have to use the skin from the testicles and it isn't as good as just stretching it yourself.


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## Revamp

I heard that it was from the thigh...

Oh well, I am really not that well informed on this one (I've never needed to be) so I bow to your superior knowledge.


----------



## MamaRabbit

Quote:


Originally Posted by *soybeansmama*
I have come to this thread many times to find comfort in the words of other mamas who have regrets about their circ decision. I feel otherwise alone in my grief that runs so deep that I have a hard time putting it into words. It is something that I think about daily. I just wanted to say thanks to the posters that have been so courageous in sharing their stories...It has been very healing for me...

This really sums up how I feel. I still cringe when I change his diaper. I have a very hard time not blaming DH every day for insisting it be done. And I feel like a failure to have not worked hard enough to protect my son.


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## Treece

Quote:


Originally Posted by *somemama*
The thought of circ crossed my mind when I was pregnant.....and I regret even that. I cannot imagine the anguish I would feel, knowing what I know now, if I had actually had my son circ'd.

Here's an appeal to new fathers:
http://noharmm.org/appeal.htm

and another argument against the "father/son" continuation of circ:
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/Like-Son.htm

Ok, so it did my mind too. I thought it was a male decision and not one to be made by me, a woman. So I went ahead and talked it over with my now XH. Since he's intact it wasn't really considered. So, that's my story. I also regret thinking about it. I would probably be crying every day, even 19 months later.


----------



## Frankly Speaking

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Galatea*
No one does the surgery anymore. They have to use the skin from the testicles and it isn't as good as just stretching it yourself.

Actually, there are two doctors who will still do it, one in California and one in Canada. There was a third one but he retired.

The surgery has never been popular and only a few men have had it done. Part of the reason is because of the ordeal the men have to go through and part of it is the cost.

The men had to submit to psychological counseling and had to be deemed fit. This was especially perplexing to me as no one had to even had to be informed of what they were doing before they had it cut off and adult men don't have to have psychological counseling and be deemed to be fit before they have a circumcision. It just makes no sense at all!

The procedure is actually 2 to 3 separate surgeries and typically takes 8 months to a year to complete and the cosmesis is not very good. During that time, the man can not have sex and has to sit to urinate. Finally, the cost is $40,000.00 to $50,000.00 which not many men have and insurance doesn't cover it although insurance paid to have the damage done. My personal opinion is that if the insurance company paid for the circumcision, they should be required to pay for the restoration. The cost only covers the actual procedure and does not cover travel costs, hotel costs, etc. so it could easily exceed $50,000.00.

If parents were required to put $50,000.00 in an escrow account for their sons before the circumcision was done, circumcision in America would end tomorrow. That would be fair and confirm the parent's committment to have it done.

Frank


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## Revamp

A very well written and informative post Frank, like all of your stuff.

Thank you.


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## kati6110

We circ'd my older son and I have regretted it every single day since. I just didn't think much about it. My dh wanted to have it done, so I agreed. Stupid, I know.

I accompanied ds to the room in the hospital where they circ'd all the boys and it was one of the saddest things I have ever seen. Twenty babies in their plastic bassinets, some crying, with no one to comfort them. There was only one other parent there, a dad, plus one CNA who was prepping the babies for the doctor. Many parents would not circ if they saw what their babies were going through!

I didn't protect ds from something I *knew* was wrong, and I'll never let that happen again. I was raised to be a good girl and do as I'm told, and ironically this experience has made me a better advocate for my boys than I would've been otherwise.

Cathy


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## jessjgh1

Cathy,
It is your experience and your description: "Twenty babies in their plastic bassinets, some crying, with no one to comfort them" that someone will read and it *will* change their mind.

It was a simple comment like that that startled me enough to research and question circumcision.

Thank you for sharing.

Hugs,

Jessica


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## imgr8ful

here we go - it's taken me a long time to finally write this down, sorry about any typos.....

It's taken me over two years to write this, but the thoughts go through my head every night before I fall asleep. If I could go back and change one thing in my entire life, it would be the decision to allow my first son to be circumcised. I made a huge mistake. I had the information but I wasn't strong enough to stand up and protect my baby. My dh insisted that it be done. He did no research. I hung out on a mainstream message board during my pregnancy. When circ came up, the majority said they did it or were planning on doing it. There were a few who said they did not circ. Someone linked to mdc circ forum. I came here and read a little bit. I read some of the posts in this thread even. But I left mdc feeling like is it really that big of a deal? I didn't stay long enough to gather enough strength. The mainstream mamas said it's the parents' choice, everyone irl that I asked said to do it, it's no big deal. He won't remember.

I don't know any intact men. I don't know if my dad is or if my fil is. I've never had sex w/ an intact man, at least, I don't think so. Dh said circ is cleaner, healthier, and he won't get made fun of in the locker room. Where we grew up, the circ rate is probably 99%. With all the information I had, the only reason I allowed it to happen was because I found a statistic that said circ'ed penises have a lower risk of utis. Ds has a 50% chance that he has this kidney disease from my dh. I convinced myself that on the 50% chance that he does have this kidney disease, then I guess we should make sure he has a lower chance of utis, because a uti could get bad and be bad for the kidney. Who was I kidding. It was my cop-out. I even told dh, this is the only reason I'm allowing circ - I knew it wasn't any cleaner, I knew it wasn't healthier, I knew he wouldn't get made fun of in the locker room. I was an idiot.

But thinking back over it - there were so many times where I should've opened my eyes. Flags should have gone up in my head. First, the family practice doc that came to see us in the hospital, came too late. She came the night after he was born, so she said they can't do the circ before we go home, to call and schedule it at the office. I had some time to change my mind, actually I had over a week. Thinking of the things she said to us blow my mind, why was I so stupid. She mentioned things like&#8230;I'm pro-circ, I think it's a good thing to be done but just to warn you, she said, it looks pretty brutal afterward, the glans looks raw and swollen. A little baby she had circ'ed before bled a little and needed a stitch. These things she said made me very nervous and I asked people again, should we do it? Everyone said yes, do it, it's not big deal. If just one person in real life would have said, nope, don't do it&#8230;it's not necessary as a matter of fact, it's not even recommended - I think I could have been strong enough to say no. but I was all alone. My baby was perfect but no one told me that.

So when he was 9 days old, we brought him to the dr's office and he was circ'ed. And guess what - he bled badly and needed two stitches. A NEWBORN BABY SHOULD NOT NEED STITCHES IN HIS PENIS! I made dh go with him and watch. He had no problem doing that. He said ds slept through the anesthesia and the gomco clamp but when they needed to stitch him up he started screaming. They were back there for so long I started to feel sick. I knew it was too late and I also knew deep inside that I made a mistake and should have protected my baby from this horrible, brutal procedure. He turned two in april and the guilt is still very strong, every day, I still feel sick. Changing his diaper makes me want to cry. His scar is huge and horrible looking. He has no idea what was done to him.

Ds has a younger brother now who is intact. And any more brothers that may come will also be intact. Will ds1 forgive me for what I allowed to happen? Will he hate me? How will I explain it? They are only 17 months apart. I used to think dh's penis and the circ'ed penis looked normal. That's all I knew. But now that I have an intact penis around, the circ'ed penis looks so terrible. So violated. So scarred.

My sister just had a baby boy. I sent them everything, all the info, even sent a dvd w/ the videos - penn and teller, the nocirc video, the prepuce. I talked to her on the phone - they were fully informed, way more informed than I was and I was the one person irl to tell them not to do it. They still did it. And I can't get over it. I tried so hard, hoping that they would learn from our mistake. But their reasoning was the same as all the mainstream mamas I hung with over 2 years ago - please respect that this is a personal preference and our parental choice. Idiots. Just like I was.


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## Lula's Mom

Oh, I am so sorry. I know how sick and sad I feel when I read about circumcision... I can only imagine how I would feel if I was thinking about my son being the one who went through it. I would be torturing myself, as I'm sure you do. You've made up for it the best way you can by not allowing it to happen again- that is so huge! And when he gets older, you can tell him about restoration. He will not hate you, I promise. You're his mother, and you are learning and growing just like the rest of us.

I'm sorry about your nephew, how awful.


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## Mandomami

My hubby is not circumcised so I didn't have a fight on my hands. He wanted his son to be the same as him. I didn't really do any research on it. I am also lucky to have my sister, who introduced me to this website and to the issue of circumcision. After reading many of the posts on this thread I am soooo grateful that my little angel is intact. My hubby and I have a great sex life. I didn't know a lot of that was due to him being uncircumcised. That is pretty cool to know...

Mommy of breastfed, uncircumcised, beautiful boy.







:















Auntie to breastfed, beautiful girl and another baby on the way.







:


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## Revamp

imgr8ful: I feel -so- sorry for both you and your son. It was really not your fault, or at least not entirely. It was the fault of the whole enviroment really without that you would have stayed strong.

At least you have had the courage to admit that you did something so horrifically wrong and then the courage to talk about it. That is admirable.


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## crunchymommy26

Last night I cried. Our son is 16 months old and circ'ed. We (DH and I) came across a website that had pictures of the equiptment used to circ and pics of the actual procedure.

Circ'ing had never bothered my DH before last night. When he saw how the baby was strapped down, he said "OMG...THEY DIDN'T..."

We will NEVER circ another baby boy


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## streuselmama

As I write this, I am crying over the stories that I have read. I have felt terrible anguish over my DS' circ, and wonder several times a day whether he will forgive me, whether I will ever feel anything other than agonizing regret every time I think about our horrible, misinformed choice to circ.

I have seen myself in so many other stories here. Like other posters, I was surrounded by mainstream folks when I was pregnant. We just had so much bad information, and I just didn't listen to my gut. I wish everyday that I had seen this forum, or met someone IRL, or opened my eyes somehow before I allowed this to be done. I never should have let my relationship with such a beautiful little person begin with such violence and regret!

If your friends have even a shadow of a doubt about circ, then they shouldn't do it. It can never be undone. I have had no peace for two years now - it is always on my mind.

I am committed that my DD and DS will have all the facts when they are expecting their children. The violence needs to stop here - I can only hope that my DS will not hate me for allowing it to happen to him.


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## Houdini

My name is Rebecca. I was blessed with three boys and one girl. My three boys are circumcised and I have been doing research this past week about circumcision. I first started questioning it a slight bit in the last few months. My nephew is intact due to problems at birth and they were unable to circumcise him. I have found myself advocating keeping him intact without even really knowing why. I started thinking more on the subject after talking with Yoshua. I made a comment about the Case against Circumcision board and he let me know his thoughts. He is quite the advocate for keeping boys intact. We talked back and forth all this week through PM's and IM's. He even encouraged me to post on the board though I have to admit I was a bit intimidated by the idea. I was not sure how it would go over. I had a lot of things going through my mind at the time and wasn't sure of much of anything. I was also dealing with some unexpected feelings that came to surface which had little to do with circumcision; at least I couldn't initially figure out the connection. Yoshua was unwavering through all my questions and doubt. He always had a way of making his point without offending me or making me feel like I should be on the defensive. I have made the decision after much thought that circumcision is indeed wrong and unnecessary. I really have Yoshua to thank for encouraging me along. I have a thread in Case against Circumcision if you are interested in following a small part of my journey. Here are my stories.

My oldest son has a typical circumcision as far as I could tell. He is now eleven years old. I remember when he was circumcised in the hospital he was five days old. He weighed four pounds five and a half ounces. They weren't sure if they were even going to circumcise him because of his size, but decided at the last minute to go ahead with it. I remember being so upset when they brought him back to me and I changed his diaper the first time. It looked so sore and raw. I remember when the doctor came in to look at him and check the circumcision my son's hand inadvertently hit his penis separating the skin along the shaft from the head of his penis. I remember thinking that probably wasn't a good thing and the doctor even commented about that not being helpful. They just advised me to keep changing the bandage for a couple of extra days and he would be fine. We never had any other issues and his circumcision seemed to heal fine. However, now I wonder, after looking through some of the pictures, if he will have issues when he hits puberty. His circumcision looks very similar to this photograph I found on one the sites showing complications. http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/images/slide8.jpg. The remaining skin under the head of his penis is a bit tighter than the one in the picture. I always thought it healed that way from the way he hit his penis. I never even thought about it until now. I can only pray that he won't encounter problems as he grows and matures.

My middle son was circumcised at three days old. I never even thought anything of it. I just viewed it as a procedure that was done. He had what I believe is termed a loose circumcision. He didn't even appear to be circumcised most of the time. The head of his penis remained covered unless we pulled the foreskin back which we were told to do at each cleaning. He started having issues with adhesions when he approximately six months old. I was told by the pediatrician to just be sure I pulled his foreskin back and clean really well. He showed us how to pull the skin back so that the entire head was exposed. I remember how much my son cried and screamed when we did this to him. I was supposed to do this each diaper change so the adhesions would not return. I couldn't do it all the time, so I would try to do it once a week. He would cry for a day or two each time we did this to him because the skin was torn from his penis and it would cause pain upon urination. The pediatrician finally referred us to an urologist who recommended we have him circumcised again. He said the adhesions would keep coming back and the re-circumcision would prevent further issues. At eighteen months old my little boy was re-circumcised. After the surgery, we were brought to him and he seemed just fine. When the doctor came in, he wanted to show us how to care for his penis as there were eighteen stitches just below the head of his penis. You couldn't see them when you took off his diaper because the remaining foreskin was still covering most of the head of his penis. The doctor instructed us to pull the skin over his penis and gently clean around the stitches. My son would scream and cry because of all the pain he was in, but we were told the stitches would become infected if we did not clean it properly. My son spent the next several years in fear of anyone touching penis. We taught him how to clean and pull the remaining skin over his penis, but we still would have to clean it sometimes for him. It took my husband and me to clean his penis. My husband would lie across him so he couldn't move and I would pull the skin back to clean it. I tried to by gentle, but it didn't matter. We continued doing this until he was close to five years old. He is now eight and he is in charge of cleaning his own penis. The head of his penis is still covered about halfway and he spends a lot of time pushing on his penis to get it back in what skin remains. He said it feels weird if it is out and he does not like the feeling. I would also get on him about doing this because it bothered me to watch him constantly pushing on his penis. I will no longer be reprimanding him for this as maybe it will help to save some of the sensitivity that I am sure will be gone once he grows and matures. I can only pray he doesn't loose as much as his brother who never had any skin covering the head of his penis.

My youngest son was circumcised at three days old as well. He has a loose circumcision as well. He had always appeared to not be circumcised. I used to have family ask me why we did not circumcise him. When I said we did, they would always say they did not take enough off. We did not have the adhesion issues with him as we did with his brother. He seemed to do just fine. I made sure to be more diligent in pulling his foreskin back and cleaning it because I feared a repeat of what happened with his brother. My youngest son is now five years old and I can say he had picked up on his brother's cues to push his penis in the remaining skin. The head of his penis is just now starting to be seen most of the time. He is intent on keeping the foreskin over it as much as possible. I used to reprimand him as well for "messing" with his penis. Now, I remain silent and pray for him as well. I have more regret than I ever thought I would for subjecting my boys to this unnecessary procedure. There is nothing I can do now, but pray they will understand and forgive me when they realize what I allowed to happen to them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this small novel of mine. It has actually helped to write it down and I hope it makes some amount of sense.

Rebecca


----------



## Shirelle

Neither of my sons is circ'd, but that is largely because my husband is not circ'd. The only reason that my MIL did not circ her son (my dh) was because she had buried her seven year old daughter nine-months before my husband's birth. She was still so grief-stricken that I don't think it crossed her mind. Thank God! She makes comments about my uncirc'd sons, and how funny they look. I think they look fine, so I just ignore her









We had a hospital birth with ds1, and when the pediatrician came in he asked me if I wanted my son circ'd and I said no. He was an older doctor and this was a small, country town in Texas. I fully expected him to say something derogatory...instead, he said, "Good. It's completely unnecessary. Most of the men in the world are not circumcised. He's fine the way he is." Totally re-affirmed the need to not do it, even though I really hadn't done any research. I'm glad for doctors like that one! If he had told me that we NEEDED to do it, I might have. I was young and naive, and fully believed in the American medical profession at the time.


----------



## Revamp

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Houdini*
My name is Rebecca. I was blessed with three boys and one girl. My three boys are circumcised and I have been doing research this past week about circumcision. I first started questioning it a slight bit in the last few months. My nephew is intact due to problems at birth and they were unable to circumcise him. I have found myself advocating keeping him intact without even really knowing why. I started thinking more on the subject after talking with Yoshua. I made a comment about the Case against Circumcision board and he let me know his thoughts. He is quite the advocate for keeping boys intact. We talked back and forth all this week through PM's and IM's. He even encouraged me to post on the board though I have to admit I was a bit intimidated by the idea. I was not sure how it would go over. I had a lot of things going through my mind at the time and wasn't sure of much of anything. I was also dealing with some unexpected feelings that came to surface which had little to do with circumcision; at least I couldn't initially figure out the connection. Yoshua was unwavering through all my questions and doubt. He always had a way of making his point without offending me or making me feel like I should be on the defensive. I have made the decision after much thought that circumcision is indeed wrong and unnecessary. I really have Yoshua to thank for encouraging me along. I have a thread in Case against Circumcision if you are interested in following a small part of my journey. Here are my stories.

My oldest son has a typical circumcision as far as I could tell. He is now eleven years old. I remember when he was circumcised in the hospital he was five days old. He weighed four pounds five and a half ounces. They weren't sure if they were even going to circumcise him because of his size, but decided at the last minute to go ahead with it. I remember being so upset when they brought him back to me and I changed his diaper the first time. It looked so sore and raw. I remember when the doctor came in to look at him and check the circumcision my son's hand inadvertently hit his penis separating the skin along the shaft from the head of his penis. I remember thinking that probably wasn't a good thing and the doctor even commented about that not being helpful. They just advised me to keep changing the bandage for a couple of extra days and he would be fine. We never had any other issues and his circumcision seemed to heal fine. However, now I wonder, after looking through some of the pictures, if he will have issues when he hits puberty. His circumcision looks very similar to this photograph I found on one the sites showing complications. http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/images/slide8.jpg. The remaining skin under the head of his penis is a bit tighter than the one in the picture. I always thought it healed that way from the way he hit his penis. I never even thought about it until now. I can only pray that he won't encounter problems as he grows and matures.

My middle son was circumcised at three days old. I never even thought anything of it. I just viewed it as a procedure that was done. He had what I believe is termed a loose circumcision. He didn't even appear to be circumcised most of the time. The head of his penis remained covered unless we pulled the foreskin back which we were told to do at each cleaning. He started having issues with adhesions when he approximately six months old. I was told by the pediatrician to just be sure I pulled his foreskin back and clean really well. He showed us how to pull the skin back so that the entire head was exposed. I remember how much my son cried and screamed when we did this to him. I was supposed to do this each diaper change so the adhesions would not return. I couldn't do it all the time, so I would try to do it once a week. He would cry for a day or two each time we did this to him because the skin was torn from his penis and it would cause pain upon urination. The pediatrician finally referred us to an urologist who recommended we have him circumcised again. He said the adhesions would keep coming back and the re-circumcision would prevent further issues. At eighteen months old my little boy was re-circumcised. After the surgery, we were brought to him and he seemed just fine. When the doctor came in, he wanted to show us how to care for his penis as there were eighteen stitches just below the head of his penis. You couldn't see them when you took off his diaper because the remaining foreskin was still covering most of the head of his penis. The doctor instructed us to pull the skin over his penis and gently clean around the stitches. My son would scream and cry because of all the pain he was in, but we were told the stitches would become infected if we did not clean it properly. My son spent the next several years in fear of anyone touching penis. We taught him how to clean and pull the remaining skin over his penis, but we still would have to clean it sometimes for him. It took my husband and me to clean his penis. My husband would lie across him so he couldn't move and I would pull the skin back to clean it. I tried to by gentle, but it didn't matter. We continued doing this until he was close to five years old. He is now eight and he is in charge of cleaning his own penis. The head of his penis is still covered about halfway and he spends a lot of time pushing on his penis to get it back in what skin remains. He said it feels weird if it is out and he does not like the feeling. I would also get on him about doing this because it bothered me to watch him constantly pushing on his penis. I will no longer be reprimanding him for this as maybe it will help to save some of the sensitivity that I am sure will be gone once he grows and matures. I can only pray he doesn't loose as much as his brother who never had any skin covering the head of his penis.

My youngest son was circumcised at three days old as well. He has a loose circumcision as well. He had always appeared to not be circumcised. I used to have family ask me why we did not circumcise him. When I said we did, they would always say they did not take enough off. We did not have the adhesion issues with him as we did with his brother. He seemed to do just fine. I made sure to be more diligent in pulling his foreskin back and cleaning it because I feared a repeat of what happened with his brother. My youngest son is now five years old and I can say he had picked up on his brother's cues to push his penis in the remaining skin. The head of his penis is just now starting to be seen most of the time. He is intent on keeping the foreskin over it as much as possible. I used to reprimand him as well for "messing" with his penis. Now, I remain silent and pray for him as well. I have more regret than I ever thought I would for subjecting my boys to this unnecessary procedure. There is nothing I can do now, but pray they will understand and forgive me when they realize what I allowed to happen to them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this small novel of mine. It has actually helped to write it down and I hope it makes some amount of sense.

Rebecca


----------



## jarynsmom06

I was diricted here to possibly get som support...

I have a 2 1/2 month old son and I had him cicumcised. I feel terrible now about it. I had mentioned to DP about not having it done but he was very pushy about it. He said an uncircumcised penis was ugly and he was affraid our son would be made fun of in the locker room.







(I myself have never seen an "attractive" penis but that's just me.) Anyway I gave in and we had it done. I wish I could go back but I can't. The more I read on here the more I feel so bad about having him cut.




























I know now if I have another son he WILL NOT be cut, but I just keep kicking myself for doing it . I live in a hole in the wall small town in east tennesse and people do what doctor's suggest or "tell" you to do. I agreed more because of his daddy. Luckily I found this place before I had him vaxed and have decided totally against that, however he had his Hep B in the hospital. It just makes me mad that so many mothers are never given a choice of anything...circ. vax. ect, It's just what people do and most don't know any better. I should have researched more instead of giving in. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with the guilt? What if he gets mad at me when he is older for having it done? or if I do have another son and don't have him cut, what if he gets mad because I cut him and not his little brother? This has really brought me down the past few days and I don't know what to do. I may be in the wrong place for support, some mother's may say " that's what she gets" but I know there are women on here that are supportive and "forgiving" if you will. I just wish I could give my little man his WHOLE penis back...but I can't

Proud mommy to Jaryn 4-16-06







:


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## ~Kira~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jarynsmom06*
I was diricted here to possibly get som support...

I have a 2 1/2 month old son and I had him cicumcised. I feel terrible now about it. I had mentioned to DP about not having it done but he was very pushy about it. He said an uncircumcised penis was ugly and he was affraid our son would be made fun of in the locker room.







(I myself have never seen an "attractive" penis but that's just me.) Anyway I gave in and we had it done. I wish I could go back but I can't. The more I read on here the more I feel so bad about having him cut.




























I know now if I have another son he WILL NOT be cut, but I just keep kicking myself for doing it . I live in a hole in the wall small town in east tennesse and people do what doctor's suggest or "tell" you to do. I agreed more because of his daddy. Luckily I found this place before I had him vaxed and have decided totally against that, however he had his Hep B in the hospital. It just makes me mad that so many mothers are never given a choice of anything...circ. vax. ect, It's just what people do and most don't know any better. I should have researched more instead of giving in. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with the guilt? What if he gets mad at me when he is older for having it done? or if I do have another son and don't have him cut, what if he gets mad because I cut him and not his little brother? This has really brought me down the past few days and I don't know what to do. I may be in the wrong place for support, some mother's may say " that's what she gets" but I know there are women on here that are supportive and "forgiving" if you will. I just wish I could give my little man his WHOLE penis back...but I can't

Proud mommy to Jaryn 4-16-06







:


























Mama - I'm so sorry! Please know that your son will love you and understand that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I know of many parents who circumcised their first but not their second and when the boys got old enough to notice any difference they explained that when ds1 was born they thought that they had to do it, but when ds2 was born they found out that they didn't need to do it. I have heard that all the ds1 reactions are typically "I'm so glad that you didn't have to do it to my little brother!" and so on, and that they understand.

You will go through this grief process, don't fight it, just let it happen. Turn to people you know will be understanding and get love and support from them. We are here for you! You will find peace about this. For many parents, becoming dedicated Intactivists who educate others can be a part of the healing as you protect future babies from having this done.

Much love to you,

- Kira


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## *clementine*

I have two sons, both of them are uncircumcised.
When I had Phineas nine years ago, I had read all the information about why to not circumcise, so that's the route we went. Once he got older, I started really regreting not having him circumcised.
Phineas is a very sweet and soft boy and it would break my heart if he enters the locker room years and is different than everyone else and they make fun of him. That hadn't occured to me when he was a baby. Or it had, but that was too far off to be a factor. He's also gotten numerous infections (they were nothing serious,) some antibacterial cream applied cleared it up within a day, but now that he's older he's in charge of his hygene. I will tell him to scrub up while he's in the tub and I just have to hope he follows through.
Anyway, I started to really regret it.
Then I got pregnant again and when they told us it was a boy, we had to reopen the issue with a little experience under our belts. In a way I hoped my husband would just insist that he be circumcised so I didn't have to take responsibiltiy for it. As I got further into my pregnancy, I took out all the old articles I had saved and looked online and
It was like re-reading all the information and hearing how intense circumcision is, reminded me WHY we hadn't done it.
When I had the baby, when I saw the tiny helpless, precious boy,there was just no way that my concerns justified doing that. The journey is so sacred and intense. I couldn't turn him over to be cut. I just felt like it was unspeakable to even suggest it. I wanted to protect my baby. If I gave them the go ahead, I felt like the baby would feel like I wasn't protecting him, that the world is scary and harsh from the start. I couldn't betray him by handing him over. I have to say also that both times my husband wanted to have the procedure done. I had him read all the information, and I wanted to be fair and let him have a say as well, but when the time came, I would have bawled my eyes out and crawled and kicked to save him from that. I went into it so reasonable, and when I saw my son, there was no reasoning. As the mama, my instinct to protect just took over. Luckily my sweety didn't object lol. I really love him for that.
I have two uncircumised boys now, and after readdressing the issue, I'm oh so glad.


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## ntengwall

Jillcuster-

About the whole locker room thing...we DID circ our first because of that mentatlity (that he might be made fun of later on). Then we circ'd our second because we had already done our first even though we pretty much thought it was not necessary (our third is intact and we are SO glad about it!).
Anyway...the funny or ironic thing is that we ended up deciding to homeschool our 3 boys. This was NEVER even a thought when we had the first or even the second son. Guess what??? Our two boys are the ONLY circumcised boys in our entire homeschooling group that we hang out with!! I would have never thought that they would be the minority when we made the decision to circ! If I had know that, we would have never done it. Thankfully the kids in our hs group would never think to make fun of someone for their appearance and so it just goes to show that you never know what social circles your sons will end up in and it's ridiculous to make such a huge decision based on what you *think* may happen in the future! Shoot--they may end up living in Europe or going to school there and then they will be fine









BTW--in our area, the rates are going way down and my midwife estimates that when they are in highschool, the circ/intact rate will probably be around 55/45 if not higher on the intact side!


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## ntengwall

K


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## thefragile7393

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ntengwall*
Kati6110-

You said, "I was raised to be a good girl and do as I'm told, and ironically this experience has made me a better advocate for my boys than I would've been otherwise."

I feel exactly the same way! Maybe this is the ONLY good thing that came from having my first two cut. I love not caring what others think of my parenting choices now and have no problem sitting at a family get-together (especially my hubby's right-wing consertive one) and defending my choices! Would I rather not have to do that? Yes, but it's better than allowing them to think that there way is the only way! I even put a bumper sticker on my car that said, "Circumcision: His Body, His Choice" They all *loved* that one (not!) LOL

This is me too. I can't even talk about my son's experience, hurts way too much.


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## MistyD

I'm the original poster for this thread. I'm so glad that it is still active. It helps to know that I am not alone with feeling gulity about circ'ing my oldest and so happy/relieved about keeping my youngest intact.

The parents I talked about in the first post have since had a second son. I am sad that they circ'ed that little guy too.

Keep on posting, these stories are helpful to everyone in different ways I think.

Take care.


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## arlecchina

I regret it DEEPLY. I was too young to even be having a child at the time and said child's dad insisted, since he is circ'd. I should have never, would never again, and highly encourage anyone else to never ever do it.


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## imperfectmama

Add me to the list of mamas outraged at my own ignorance. Our ultrasound indicated I was carrying a girl baby, and I allowed that to be my reason for my lack of research. I read through the 5 or 6 page packet given to us by a pediatrician we had interviewed (and later decided against). Nowhere in it were any of the vitally important reasons NOT to circ that I know now. In fact, it left us with the impression that the only difference was a slightly better chance of not transmitting an std if a boy were circ'd. My dh basically fell back into the "I want him to look like me" camp. None of the other health practitioners gave us any info about it at all. Not my midwives, not the lactation specialist, not the hypnobirthing teacher, not the pediatrician we eventually chose. When asked by the pediatrician's office about what our choice would be, I responded, "I'm pretty sure we're having a girl, but I guess we would circumcise." The nurse did not offer any info to help me make a more confident choice. My mother, an RN who worked in surgery for 20 years, told me horror stories of terrified and embarrassed adolescents and men who had to be circ'd later in life. When I countered that that must be a pretty rare thing, my mom said something like, "Why would you risk putting them through such trauma? If you do it now, it's a much simpler surgery, and they give them pain killers, and they won't ever remember it." WHy risk trauma indeed!? Two days after Henry was born, via a totally unexpected c-section, in my drugged, in pain, fevered, and totally overwhelmed state of mind, the pediatrician casually said, "today we'll do the circ." It took me several minutes (he had already left the room) to even realize he was talking about circumcision. I felt like I'd been socked in the gut. I remember thinking, "Oh God! Oh no! I said we would do that!?" I honestly can't remember specifically the conversation I had about it with my husband. I do remember his confidence in the importance of having it done, and of course, my mother, right there nodding that it just had to be done. My fears were simply disregarded. When they came to take Henry away for the "procedure" I cried and said I simply could not watch it happen. I took one last look at my son's intact penis, and thought, "What could be wrong with that?" My husband went along to witness it. The waiting was awful. I actually considered getting up and trying to stop it, but felt totally powerless as walking down the hallway to the bathroom was a two person gig (I needed someone to help me drag my IV bag trailer along with me. Walking and standing were still very painful. I laid in bed and stared out the window. When they brought Henry back, my husband described what happened. NOONE ever mentioned that my tiny baby would be strapped down to a board, or ever said a word about the details, that I have now buried in my subconcious. I just held him to my breast and cried and said, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." My mother attributed the "fussiness" that followed to his "probably being pissed off about having his tallywhacker cut." The whole thing, including my sadness and fear was made into a joke. I was totally scared to diaper him, freaked out about the plastic ring around the glans of his bright red penis. My husband kept that ring as a memento! AFTER the fact, I began to hear similar stories to my own, and began to learn more and more about circumcision, and of course, my regret grew into anger. WHY did so many people treat this as some minor thing? WHY didn't the hospital have to disclose the real risks? WHY did my midwives not offer any info or advice? and most of all, WHY didn't I seek it out? I told my dh in no uncertain terms that any future babies will NOT be altered. I have since switched pediatricians. Dr. A refuses to perform circs. WHY isn't this the norm?!!!
My son has an exceptionally high pain tolerance, and I can't help wondering if this isn't due to his circ. We had difficulties nursing, and he could not sleep for longer than 5 mins. outside of my arms for at least six months.
I was the first of my peers to have a baby, and I just didn't know how uninformed I was about so many things! I thought that by choosing midwives for my prenatal and birth, by preparing to nurse, by choosing a natural childbirth method I was surrounding myself with people who were to be trusted to let me know aobut the important things I didn't know. I was so WRONG! I am one of those naive mamas who skipped over the chapters about c-sections, totally sure that would simply not happen to me. Yet, I truly believe that if I hadn't been so out of it, my inner she-wolf would have said, "Not no but HELL NO you are not going to do that to my baby!"
Needless to say, my next pregnancy, if we are so blessed, will be a whole different story. The thing that totally enrages me is that parents-to-be have to work so hard to learn the truth, that it is not simply automatic for all parents to see a picture of what a circumcision really entails and means for boys who are forced to endure them. If it were, there wouldn't be so many of us regretful mamas.


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## ~Demeter~

I have 3 sons and they are all circumcised. With my first I was only 15 when I had him. I didn't understand the procedure exactly and went with what was considered the "norm" for those around me. It wasn't really a question. It was not discussed with me during my pregnancy. I wish I had been given more information on it so even at that young age I could say I was somewhat informed. I figured having him circumcised he would look like his father and the other men in my family. When I had my second son I also had him circ'd because I still had the mentality that he should look like the rest of the boys/men in our family. I didn't get any further information on this procedure and this was about the time I really started educating myself on parenting and everything my children meant to me.. When I had my third son I again went through with the circumcision because at this point I felt I knew enough, I had 2 other boys and they seemed fine for the most part. Why change when you think you have done well up to this point. Things that have happened to my children regarding their circumcisions: my oldest had meatal stenosis which requires surgery to correct.. I was never told that this was a direct result of having him circumcised. I can remember him coming out of surgery and the anesthesia wearing off and him crying (screaming) for me and the nurse wouldn't let me in to comfort him. I can remember him screaming they cut my penis.. this was heart-wrenching for me to hear and I pushed my way past this ignorant woman and into the room they were holding my son. I comforted him and felt terrible for this pain he was in. I had to insert a catheter in his urethra for 6 mos after his surgery. This was very traumatic for my son. I had to do this to make sure the hole didn't close back up. He refused to even be touched by the doctor after we had his check up.. can you blame him? My middle son and my youngest both had adhesions. I was told this was because they didn't have as much taken off during their circumcisions. I remember the first time the doctor showed me how to pull back on my sons penis to correct this problem. He jumped and it looked painful. I was told to make sure I did this regularly to avoid it. I did religiously until they were roughly about 2 yrs of age. I knew this could be a serious problem as my step-son had to be recircumcised at 3 yrs because he actually had bacterial infections caused by the adhesions. If I had been more informed I doubt that I would have had any of my boys circ'd. I was pro-circ until I came across this site and was sorta iffy on the whole thing until I watched a graphic circ video yesterday. To hear that little baby's cries and screams and to see how barbaric and cruel of a procedure circumcision truly is made me very against circumcision. I wish I could go back and do this all over again. I wish I could take away the pain I have caused my sons. I wish I could make their penis whole again... I have already convinced my husband that when/if we have another child we will not be circumcising.. not at all! I hope my sons forgive me for doing this to them.. my only excuse is that I was terribly uninformed and misguided. I thought I was honestly doing what was best for them. Thinking back on it I think a part of me knew it was wrong even then... I had a hard time changing their diapers after is was done.. it looked sooo painful and I didn't want to be the cause of any further pain to them in that area. I hope to educate those around me about the dangers of circumcision and to let them know from my experience that it isn't better, cleaner, healthier.. prettier.. or anything for that matter. I also think that parents should know more facts on this so that they are less likely to make the mistakes I made. I hope in time I am able to forgive myself for the trauma I put my precious little boys through... in time maybe we can all heal.


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## thefragile7393

Mumof3, your thoughts echo mine. I wrote a note in ds's baby book asking him to forgive me. I just didn't do enough research and I just didn't listen to my gut and let myself be bullied into it. I so hope to have another boy someday to try and correct the wrong I did to my son. What a fool I was.


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## GoodMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MistyD*
Hello everyone,

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.

I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.

Thank you.









(edit for spelling)

My name is Melissa and my son is just over 2 1/2 years old. Circumcision was just something we never talked about while I was pregnant.







We both thought it needed to be done so we didn't bother asking anyone about it or our Dr. When he was about 9 months old, I finally looked it up and was shocked at what I found! It sickens me everytime I think about it (which is pretty much everyday. I unwrapped my son when they first handed him to me after birth and kept repeating "You're so perfect!" I ask myself now if I thought he was so perfect, why a couple days later did I let some stranger circumcise him? I wish I knew then what I know now! I'm pregnant again and due in January. If this is a boy, we'll definately not be circ'ing. DH agrees and feels the same way about it. He was luckily very open minded about it when I looked into it. There's absolutely nothing we can do for our circ'ed son, the damage is done. All we can do is move on and let our future sons benefit from our looking into it.


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## hazelnut316

I regret it everyday. We've had too many problems and I didn't do the research I should have.


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## Dan Bollinger

I am encouraged that so many parents are verbalizing their regret having circumcised their son. As a man who has an early recollectioni of his circumcision, and all the horror that goes with it, I am glad that these feelings are being said out loud.

To encourage others to speak their regrets, and to save them for others to read, I have created a blog where you can post your stories. I hope everyone who has posted here will submit a copy there, too.

Please visit blOUCH!, the blog for Project: OUCH!

Dan


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## MamaCAS

I'm pregnant (with my second). My first child is a girl so I never had to deal with this issue. DH and I have started to dance around this topic. I seem to be the one who is more in favor. Reading this sticky is really opening my eyes and I am grateful to you all.


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## elijahsmum

I regret it every day. I am still not sure what I was thinking or not thinking that day, especially since I am a midwife. I do know that, if we hadn't done it, our son wouldn't have reoccurring sore spots on his penis from being exposed to urine -- even with very frequent diaper changes...and eventhough he's diaperless at home, he still picks on the sore spots making them take longer to heal.

If our future children happen to be boys, they will NOT be damaged the way our son is.


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## MillingNome

Ditto on alot of what other mamas said. My ds may have no problems now but I feel guilty for what he won't know he's missing when he gets older







And not that I plan on any more, but I would never do it again. And I've planted many a fine seeds in dd head and will in ds head about the issue.


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## hthrcarr22

I regret getting my boys' c'rcd I left it up to DH and he is the one who said we will have it done... I wish I had done more research on it and showed hubby when I found out we were havin boys'. We are not having anymore(we will adopt) but hubby said if we had another boy he would also be circed but idk.


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## flipfish

.


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## JandDSquared

Well, I've been lurking around these boards and have debated on whether or not to post here. I have decided to share our story also, so that hopefully it may sway someone to not circ thier son.

Here come the tears. My appologies in advance for this will be long, and hopefully cathartic.

Like Flipfish I KNEW that circ wasn't necessary. I did the research, I spent close to a month trying to convince DH it wasn't necessary. In the end we decided to wait and see how we felt about it after DS was born.







DS was born 4 weeks early by emergency c-section, and the last thing on our minds was whether or not we would circ at that point. Soon after we got home for the hospital we started talking about circ'ing again. My DH told me that he wanted DS to "look like him" and I used the arguement that if we had a daughter and she was small chested would we pay for a boob job for her so she looked like me? This didn't work. It is the most ironic thing that DH asked his mother her opinion about the issue and she informed my DH that his father is INTACT!!! So the issue of our DS looking like DH went out the window....but MIL informed DH that she wished FIL was circed because she suffered from reccurent yeast infections 'because' of FIL foreskin







:
Well when I heard that theory I quickly reassured DH that my mother had also suffered from chronic yeast infections and my father is circ'd, so that ruined that arguement also.

SO after reading all the information and deciding it was not medically necessary and that "looking like" daddy wasn't a valid reason to circ, we decided the the only thing standing in our way was the social "issues". The locker-room society we supposedly live in. When we went to the appointment for the circ we were still not 100% convinced it needed to be done. Once we got to the pedi's office he asked if we were in 100% agreement on doing the circ and we both just looked at each other. The pedi, sensing our vulnerability jumped at the chance to inform us on the rates of circ in our area (which is supposedly very high) and how "different" our child would be. He also delved into a great "history lesson" on the supposed reasons behind circ...dating all the way back to Mesopotamia, and how the soldiers who were sent to war struggled with their foreskins getting infected and getting sand under them, and having to have them circ'd later in life. Now, to this day, I kick my self (HARD) for not asking what this all had to do with our childs foreskin, but in my hormone induced baby blues and new mommy jitters, and with DH's leaning towards circ to begin with we let that man cut our childs body.







: After all we didn't want our child to suffer emotional damage from being teased for not being "like others".







He was 2 weeks old.

Skip ahead one week, DS's poor penis seemed to be healing well. My mother was in for a visit. On the 2nd day she was here we found a rash with some "pimples" in is on his groin area. I took him to the Pedi the next day, since my mom who worked in the medical field for 20+ years said it looked like Staph. When I went into the Pedi's office and told him it looked like staph he laughed and said "no, thats just normal baby skin 'stuff'". I believed him, and took our baby home. The rash seemed to come and go, over the next few days but when 2 pimples formed; one directly where the foreskin was snipped during circ and one on the right side of DS's scrotum I took him back to the Pedi and told him I was concerned that it had to do with the circ. The pedi laughed again and said, "no, I still think its just baby skin 'stuff', but here is some cream to put on any other sores that come up". Those 2 sores went away fairly quickly with the cream, and only one more sore popped up, I quickly applied the cream and it went away...

Skip ahead another week. My mother left to go back home, and DS is slowly becoming grumpier and grumpier. It got so bad that I had to call DH to come home from work before I lost my mind. That was a friday, he left work early came home and took DS from me so I could nap. He also stayed with DS on the couch so I could sleep in the bed for the first time in a week. That Saturday morning at around 4am I woke up to my son wailing, like someone was beating him. I rushed out to the living room to find my DH trying to comfort him, we fed him, we rocked and shushed, fed him again, did everythign we knew to do and nothing seemed to help.

We finally took him to the emergency room after his Pedi's office said they wouldn't be able to see him until after 'lunch'.







: At the emergency room we were told we had a colicky child and that we would just have to "ride it out". We went home, after they gave DS a dose of Ibuprofen. DS seemed to feel some better for a couple hours. That night we all slept on the couch DH and I taking turns holding DS while he cried and whimpered. At 11:30 I took DS to feed him, and when I touched his body he felt like he was on fire. He would hardly eat. I took his temp and it was 101. We rushed back to te ER, the whole drive DS was groaning except for when he stopped..once for a couple seconds, I was terrified he had died. I wiggled him in his car seat and he started groaning again. When we got back to the ER they told us that he was having trouble breathing, and hooked him up to
Oxygen. They also did a spinal tap, and a cat scan, tons of blood work, every test you could possibly think of to find out what was wrong. They started him on a couple different antibiotics to help fight any possible infection. Needless to say DH and I were terrified. We were admitted to the Childrens hospital early the next morning 9/11/2005.

After being admitted to CH DS took a turn for the worse. They did another spinal tap to rule out menengitis, it wasn't. They also put a cpap on DS as his breathing was deteriorating rapidly. He was weak and his loud and terrified cries had turned to slow whimpers. They took DS to test for intestinal blockages, and when they started the test DS took yet another turn for the worse and stopped breathing. DH and I were sent to get something to eat (going on 48 hours with no food), so we had no idea until we got back that they had intubated DS and 'chemically paralyzed' him so that he couldn't pull the breathing tube out. A machine was breathing for my precious son. On his cheek was one lone tear, his first tear ever. I lost it emotionally, the nurses had to calm me down. I just kept saying "he's crying, look!" For a couple days we were at a stand still as to what was wrong with him, not relating the 'staph like sores' at all since the Pedi had said thats wasn't what it was....so we just continued DS on several IV antibiotics and supported his weak little body as best we could.

To somewhat quickly finish off a much longer story, I will say that we found out my DS had MRSA in an abscess in his abdomen, that was most likely caused by his circ. We had to sign consents to have a surgeon open up his belly button and core out any 'puss' and infection because the infection was so large (covered about 1/3 of the surface area of his abdomen) his body probably would have never healed on its own otherwise. After the surgery DS stabalized and a couple days later was on the road to recovering. And after 12 long days in the hospital we brough him home, again, victorious and exhausted.

Needless to say I regret everyday having my son circ'd. I honestly believe with all my heart that if we hadn't done it he never would have gotten the staph infection and been on antibiotics for a month, and almost had to have a blood transfusion, and almost died







. My DH is not 100% convinced that it was the circ, but has promised that with any future children we will not circ. because I now feel so strongly about it. I just hate that we had to go through so much to realize that it was never meant to cut a poor innocent child.







: It was NOT our body to decide what to do with, and we almost lost our child and our child almost lost his future because we were too chicken to stand up for what we KNEW was the right thing to do!

Please, anyone who reads this and is contemplating circing their child, please please don't. It's not worth the possible pain and suffering and you will always kick yourself if something horrible happens to you like it did to us.

I thank God everyday that my son is alive and pray that someday DS will forgive me for not doing what I believed to be the 'best' for him, which would have been not to do anything at all.


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## imgr8ful

oh.my.gosh jeannie - how terrifying!!! i have goosebumps.


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## flipfish

.


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## JandDSquared

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flipfish*
but I know I need to forgive myself and move on. It's just so hard when it's your child.

Love of love and hugs to you.

I agree it is so hard when we are supposed to be the ones looking out for their best interest, not causing them pain.







:

But! Like you I am working on forgiving myself and moving on, just enough to not forget but for it not to be something I beat myself up for.


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## laketahoemama

Dh and I deeply regret the circumcision of our 1st son, the books I read made it sound as though it was no big deal. I had never seen an intact penis before. I asked my pediatrician about it when I was pregnant and he said we'd talk about it later. I just didn't do the research that I should have, I was completely ignorant about it all. I had one more chance to stop it when I was signed the consent forms, I got a terrible feeling that it was wrong, but I let pushed that feeling away and let them take my son....I wish I could go back.


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## DocsNemesis

I know this doesnt quite follow with everyone else, but I regret my friend circing her twins. Why? Because I was her egg donor, those boys are genetically mine, and I was too stupid to think about the circumcision issue before hand. In fact, in didnt occur to me until she was around 24 weeks along and she said "Eriq (my ds) is circ'd, right?" And I said "NO!!" She asked why and I said because I thought it was cruel and discusting. After that I gave her all the info I could, I tried so hard to change her mine. Then when they were born 10 weeks early I thought, maybe seeing them for awhile as nature intended will help. Nope! As soon as they came home, at what would have been 38 weeks gestation, she had them cut. I didnt talk to her for a month and when I finally did, I bawled. To this day she doesnt understand why I have such an issue with it, even though she admits their personalities changed afterwards and they became extremely fussy. I am sure she plans on doing it to her next one.
I know this isnt the same, but I still feel sooo guilty over it. I am trying my hardest to remain friends with her and be there for her boys. I am going to encourage them to file suit when they reach 18. That OB is cut happy and deserves it. I will tell them myself what was lost to them as they get older and tell them about restoration. And most importantly, I have made sure that any future babies made with my eggs, or that I carry, will not be cut. I am a surrogate too and I had a discussion with the parents (I already had a baby for them and again, it had never occured to me at the time but thankfully she was a she!) and they both agreed that it will not be done. I know her dh was circ'd at 8 so I think he was pretty open to not doing it.
I am so glad that all of the parents out there who regret having their boys circumcised have a place to share their stories and get some support. I also know that your stories have made an impact on other parents.


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## kfowler

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paganmommy*
I have two boys, one intact, the other circumcised. My oldest and I have had many discussions about why he was circumcised and why i did not have his younger brother circumcised. Those questions were so difficult for me to answer. He is now 11 years old and able to understand things better. His anger has subsided and he directs it more towards the pediatrician and the medical establishment. But, ultimately I have to accept my responsibility for allowing it to happen to him.

I knew in my heart that having him circumcised was wrong. I felt it so strongly, yet I let them take my son away from me and take him to a table where he was strapped down and then literally tortured. That pain is torture and they are not anesthesized at all. Even still, the process of them strapping them down and cutting off part of their body is so traumatic. I still cry when I think what I let them do. It has been 11 years and I still cannot accept it. Please if you read this, believe me when I say, it isn't necessary for you to have to feel what I am feeling and even more important, it isn't necessary for your son to have to go through that. There is no medical reason to do it. There is no valid reason at all. Listen to what all these people have said and then listen to your heart!!!! You will know what to do.

Only have one child at present time, 4 3/4 month old ds, but I can totally relate to how you feel. I knew it in my gut that I shouldn't have ny ds circ'd. In fact, the first time they took him to have it done, I felt a rush of panic and it took all the willpower I had not to rub after them to get my ds back. That day, however, they weren't able to do the circ because ds hadn't urinated by that time so they had to reschedule. Oh, how I wish I'd just said to forget it, that I'd changed my mind. It's been nothing but problems since.

Shortly after the procedure, my ds had to go back to the nursery because he was bleeding. When I heard he was bleeding, I began to cry. At the time, my dh and the nurse told me it was just a tiny bit of blood but my dh (stupidly, I think) later told me it had been bleeding a lot. As if that wasn't enough to make me feel like a horrible mother for having this procedure done to my son, now he's suffering from adhesion problems. When I think back to how cute and perfect (and natural) his little penis was before I allowed the doctors to mutilate it, I could just cry.

I know now that if dh and I ever have another son, he will not be circ'd. My dh, my mil, the doctors, my own mother, they can all complain and criticize me all they like. But I will NOT allow a second child to suffer the way my ds has with this horrible procedure. I only wish I'd done the research BEFOREHAND and not allowed myself to be so stupidly persuaded by everyone into having this done.


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## MarnieMax

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JandDSquared*
The pedi, sensing our vulnerability jumped at the chance to inform us on the rates of circ in our area (which is supposedly very high) and how "different" our child would be. .

I'm sorry to hear about your situation but pleased to know that your future sons will be left intact.

I quoted part of your message that made me pause. I don't know where in northern Cal you are, but on the peninsula, there is a reasonable trend towards leaving boys intact. I hope your ped wasn't feeding you a line, but then again I suppose statistics can vary with community.

Marnie


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## JandDSquared

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarnieMax*
I'm sorry to hear about your situation but pleased to know that your future sons will be left intact.

I quoted part of your message that made me pause. I don't know where in northern Cal you are, but on the peninsula, there is a reasonable trend towards leaving boys intact. I hope your ped wasn't feeding you a line, but then again I suppose statistics can vary with community.

Marnie

Marnie, I do absolutely believe he fed us "a line". But honestly that 'line' should have never factored into our decision. Next time (if there is one) we will do better.


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## carliec76

I just wanted to say I have read all the stories and it breaks my heart. I blame society in large part for the decsions you made. I myself chose not to circ and your stories make me happy I made that choice and its woman like you that are posting your experiences that will open the eyes of other mothers...PROPS TO YOU...thanks for sharing!


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## JeDeeLenae

I've been looking for a thread like this. I have a hard time coming to the CAC forum because of the choice I made to circ my two sons. It's hard to hear and see a lot of what is said here. It's hard to think of myself as someone who mutilated my sons. It's hard to hear that I'm taking things away from them and being a horrible mom from that choice. I know that's not the intent of the forum, but that's what registers to me when I read some of it.

My first son was circ'd and I never second guessed that decision. My 2nd son was different. I had questioned whether or not to do it. I didn't want to do it, but there was so much pressure to have it done. He'd be mad that I didn't let it happen when he was a baby. He would have to have it done when he was older and that would be worse. I can't have one circ'd and the other not. And the list goes on. I struggled with the decision, but let it be done. And I remember from the second they wheeled him out of the room, I wanted to take it back, I was alone, hormonal, and just wanted to run and grab him and "save him from the evil circ'ers"... I didn't. I just layed there crying. Even when they brought him back, I never felt so detached from him. I loved him, but I hated what I'd done to him. From that second on, it was not just a little procedure that he'd forget about. It was a huge mistake that I'd never forget.

But, now, there's no question that my future boys (we're aiming for 6 kids) won't be circ'd. I'll explain to my sons about restoration when they're older and if there is any monetary cost, I'm going to cover it.


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## CrunchyMamaOf3

"Sadly, later I learned that DH feels that women (because one told him so) think an Intact penis is "ugly." Apparently, many American women feel this way. I never did! So, subconsciously, he did not want HIS son to feel rejected by some (moronic) woman. If some twit were to reject him because of THAT, he's better off IMO. Again, there is misinformation... because American women (i heard an interview with the Go-Gos once - who slept with everyone!) who have slept with both Americans and European, PREFER the feeling of a foreskin during sex. It feels better to both during lovemaking. Hmmm, no wonder so many woman "aren't in the mood" and there are so many ads aimed at American men about "enhancing" this or that. "

I'm going to be totally blunt here but I totally agree with you.. I'm just the opposite of the american norm in that I find circ'ed men unattractive even though I have never been with an "intact" man.. To me it's just not natural.. I have to wonder if men would find women attractive if we had one breast removed because hey, we _normally will only have one babe at a time so why do we need two breasts right?
The whole thing drives me batty.. I HATE that I had my son circ'ed. My husband wanted it and I didn't. They took my sweet baby and did this awful thing to him in the room right next to mine and we heard the whole thing! I still bawl when I think about it and my realtionship with my husband has never been the same because I feel like my opinion doesn't matter.
Blessings,_


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## Dan Bollinger

Moms, Tell your story here, too. This is a permanent archive collecting circumcision stories including those from regretful mothers. http://www.genitalintegrity.net/blouch/


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## mama_at_home

I just wanted to share this quote by Maya Angelou:

Quote:

I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self.


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## +stella+

Please browse around the rest of this forum. However, we strongly and completely believe there is no reason for routine circumcision, so please dont be angry when no one posts with thoughts to support it. We want to help you! If you have more specific questions after looking around, post a new thread!
and welcome!


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

You should repost this question in a seperate thread clittle760 in the CAC forum so that people can address it there. As for finding links on why it should be done there are not any. We do NOT host debates on the merits of circ since there are none but we will be more than happy to give you info and links supporting that circ should be stopped.


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## MattysMommaVT

i circ'd my first, without thinking, and they had me sign the paperwork after just having a c-sec. it was horrid. i heard him cry and scream. i was very uninformed. when i became pregnant the second time, i researched alot about everything, and as i was reading, and looking at what they put the boy in to circ him, and imagined him there, i started bawling. i still feel bad, and i didn't circ the second.


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## buckeyedoc

This might be the most powerful anti-circ thread I have read. It made me cry and see how I could _easily_ have made a mistake had a friend not talked to me about not circumcising while I was pregnant with my first son. I know what you all mean about wanting to protect your newborn sons and hold them close, not hand them off for a surgery that feels wrong in your heart. You are doing the right thing by speaking honestly about it and hopefully swaying your sons toward not having it done to their own sons someday. You can still break the cycle.


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## PuppyFluffer

I have removed a post in support of circumcision and all subsequent posts which quoted or commented on it. I will return to send further explaintions via Private Message. Right now we have an appointment that I need to get to!

Cheers


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## ktarsha

Add me to the list of regretful mamas. I made the mistake of telling DH that it was up to him, even though I felt in my heart that it was wrong, and he said he wanted DS circumcised. What I really regret is he told me, after our birthing class video on circumcision, that it almost changed his mind. Why, oh why didn't I take that golden opportunity to do the research and have a meaningful discussion about it? I don't beat myself up about it, but I do feel regret when I think back, and wish I hadn't been such a doormat in the decision process.

If we have any more sons, I'll know better (thanks to MDC!), and not cave in just because DH wants it.


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## Emilie

Count me in.
I knew to look into it- I hould have. I stayed naive on purose I think.
When at the hospital( mistake #1) I asked the nurse how they did the "procedure"- She told me I didn't want to know.
I can remember looking at his intact penis for the last time. I got him back and it was a bloody mound.
It looks very scarred to me. Probally not as scarred as his soul.....
I don't know. It is hard to even thik of him in pain at that time and how he felt. he no doubt was.
He recently broke his femur and it was awful. I hate to think of him at 2 days old..... with someone strappnig him down and cutting at him while I sat innocently in the other room.

Sick.

A friend of mine's husband went into watch her son- he thought it was cool.

If we have more children our future son's will be left intact.
It is a senseless crime.

I wanted to add.....
As far as wanting my son to feel secure in his manhood and look like everyone else.
I pride myself and try to make my son feel secure in himself- NOT BY THE WAY HE LOOKS.... NOT ON ANY PART OF HIS BODY! I really hate it when mothers say this... I don't want him to be laughed at. As if they want their boys out there sharing themselves with anyone. Anyone who would laugh at an intact penis is not worth their time or effort anyway.

It would be an excellent weeding tool - no pun intended- as far as future partners are concerned- If having a intact penis bothers you- You DON"T want to meet my MOM!

But unfortunately- I chose wrong.... and I see it every day.

Do any of your son's have scarring? It seems very scarred to me.


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## Blu Razzberri

Yes, me too...all of the above.

Please visit my myspace (see signature) for more on the horror of circumcision.

I, like the first person to reply on this thread; held that pen and signed the consent form while every cell in my body screamed and pleaded with me to stop it. I held my brand new baby and shut my defenses up by reasoning it away with "the threat of infection" and "if you don't, he'll stand out".

I was stupid. Don't let them do this to your baby....PLEASE!

PS: Girls who think an intact penis is weird/gross; WILL get over it. Believe me, I speak from experience!


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## jule924

Man, this is tough to read. Ds#1 was circed and I felt that it was right to leave the decision up to dh. He felt strongly about it, I guess because he was circed. But the whole time in the hospital as they did it and after I could not think about it without crying. He would scream whenever we changed his diaper. Just the thought of him tied down on that table still makes me want to cry







WHY OH WHY did I not do any research on it???? Why is it considered to be normal??? Luckily I did get another opportunity to make the right decision when we had ds#2, but how guilty I feel when I see my boys together knowing I could have saved ds#1 from that experience!!







:


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## Panserbjorne

I circumcized my oldest because of my ignorance. I still have nightmares. My story is like so many other's...we had no real reason and finally decided to do it because dh is circ'd.

The procedure was horrible. I decided IN THE ROOM that I no longer wanted to go through with it and let myself be talked into it because we were "already there and had clearly already made the decision." We were left there for over an hour (the doc was at a birth) and like an idiot and a sheeo I stayed.

The doc came in, didn't look at either of us, sat down and inserted instruments into my son's penis as he screamed. He peeled the skin back with clamps and cut. Apparently though, he wasn't satisfied because he did it again. When I asked what he was doing through my tears he told me that he hadn't gotten enough. He had to cut more of his penis off. I let him, because he had already started peeling.

I have never been more haunted about any decision that I have made. I still have nightmares, though not as often. IT damaged our relationship beyond what you can possibly imagine. I am disgusted with myself and did not make the mistake again.

My youngest is intact and gorgeous. I wish I could say the same for his brother.


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## cinnamonamon

firefaery...I don't read a whole lot of these since I posted my own; it's too painful. I happened to catch yours though.

I don't have any words for you except that I understand; my oldest looks so scarred beside his little brother. It's so painful to think about I usually do a good job blocking out the thoughts; but it comes back at the most unexpected moments.








s to you... and all the mamas (and papas) here...


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## lava mama

I had my sweet baby boy circumcised, and I have felt guilty about it every day since then. It has been a great source of grief, pain, and tears and I am disgusted with myself.

When i was pregnant, I told DH that I didn't want our baby circumcised. DH said, "Don't I have a say? He's my son, too." We were never able to "make up" our minds. I asked my pro-circ parents and siblings what they thought. Of my 3 sisters, only one had child, and she said she circ'd him because "It was better." Better than what? Well, she was a medical transcriptionist for a Urology clinic, and too many men had to have a procedure because the were uncirc'd.

My dad said he was glad he was circ'd because it reminded him to be "circ'd of heart" like it says in the Bible.

The stupid pediatrician told us that a man's foreskin "came off" during his wedding night. We wouldn't want that to happen with our son, would we? (Then again, this was the same man that asked me if I wanted a dead baby or a live baby when I decided not to have him vaccinated.)

I didn't subject my son to this awful procedure until he was 3 weeks old. I wish I had listened to my gut that told me not to do it. I wish I hadn't listened to my own mother that hesitated when I asked her if she would think of my son, her grandchild, differently if he wasn't circumcised.

I remember the day so vividly in my mind. It is a nightmare for me. I can't help but to revisit it daily. I remember my son screaming in pain in the car afterwards. I remember feeling like I had committed a grievous sin as soon as he was placed on the table.

I hope that our next baby is a boy so I can "redeem" myself.

I wish I would have just said "no." I wish I would have kept my decision to keep him the way he was--perfect.


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## snuggly mama

I never come to this forum, because I am filled with shame for having circ'd my son. I didn't know much about it, and everything I read was mainstream stuff that basically said it was better and more hygienic to circ. I did some reading -- though now I know I didn't read the right things -- and everything I read said that boys had a higher risk of UTI's, had discharge problems, etc. I believed them, even though my heart was screaming not to do this thing to my boy.

Ds was circ'd at eight days old. And when they returned him to me, I sobbed all the way home. I cried so hard, dh had to pull the car over so I could be sick. Like some of the other people whose stories I've read, I thought my real choice was between cutting and using the plastibell. When I saw that hard plastic ring on my small, beautiful boy, I cried and cried, sick in my heart for what I had allowed to happen. Dh was so sad for me, even though he is circ'd. He vowed at that moment that if we ever had another son, we would leave him intact. We went on to have another baby, a girl, so my only son is circ'd.

Ds is now almost 10 years old, and I still think about my decision and wish with all my heart I could go back to the moment that I handed him over and say "NO". I don't think ds yet realizes that he is circ'd, especially since nearly everyone I know IRL has circ'd. When he learns, I hope he will forgive me. I hope he will not judge us too harshly and that he will know that I loved his body the way it was the moment he was born.


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## The4OfUs

I thought I had posted to this thread a long while ago, but apparently never did.

We had our son circumcized in the hospital at 2 days old. I completely regret that we had it done. On paper, it seems pretty harmless - he didn't have any medical complications from it, it healed very rapidly and without event, he did not withdraw, cry unconsolably, seem dazed or otherwise out of sorts as a newborn, nursed like a champ, and he has not displayed any emotional, behavioral, or other medical complications from it since; *nonetheless*, I regret it with every fiber of my being, and if we would have had another son, he would have been intact. As it stands, we are done having children, and our second child is a girl.

I didn't find MDC until our son was over a year old. I wish I would have found it earlier. I wish I would have researched circumcision as much as I researched breastfeeding, then I would have known. I wish our OB would have just said the words "medically unnecessary", just once.

I regret that I carelessly and thoughtlessly removed a piece of my son - and while he may not ever have any problems as a result of it, he'll also never really be "whole". I plan when he is older to talk to him about it, apologize to him when he is really able to understand, and be sure that he and his sister both know all of the facts and will *not* circumcize any sons they may have.

So yes, I very much regret circumcising my son.


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## paisleypoet

I had both of my sons circumcised without hesitation, and I now feel sick about it. In my younger years I worked at a nursing home and had to clean many old men who were not circumcised, and it grossed me out so much that I swore any boys I had would be circumcised, for that reason, and the fact that my husband was circumcised and I wanted them to look like their dad. After their circumcisions, they came back to me sleeping and I never knew what went on, or that they had no anesthetic. Now that I know better, I feel awful that I put them through that. Would we ever do that to a baby girl? How is that any different? If I could have watched just one of them, I never would have done it again. Then with one boy they didn't do a very good job and didn't take off the entire foreskin, so I had troubles keeping him clean in there through the whole diaper years. It made me think that they could have just as easily taken off too much. And for what? Anyway, if I ever have another boy, he will not be circumcised. It's barbaric.


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## cj199

I very much regret having a circumcision done to my two boys. Ages 7yrs old and 5.5 months old. I wish with all my heart and soul that I had left them intact. I pray that my boys and God will forgive me.







I will from this day on, try to educate others so they don't have the procedure done.

CJ


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## jessjgh1

CJ- I see this was your first post.... May your future posts at MDC not be as hard to write or be about so heavy a topic.

Welcome.

Jessica


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## Selesai

I don't have any excuses for circumcising my son.
I found MDC after I learned of my pregnancy. I was convinced that I was having a girl, so I never thought about circumcision. I knew the subject would be a challenge to discuss with my husband because my initial feeler-statements yielded a pro-circ response.
I found out that our baby was a boy. My thought was: now we have to deal with circumcision.
I kept meaning to research it. I kept putting it off. I told DH I didn't want our child circed. My brother isn't circed; I know it's not necessary. At what became my last appointment with my OB, I told her we still hadn't decided about circumcision so she was not to do anything without discussing it with me, were my child born before I saw her again.
Three days later my son was born. I was confident that my OB would be the best person to perform the circ, were we to choose it. She told me she used a local anesthetic and allowed it to take effect before beginning, and also that she used sugar water. She told me that her sons were both circed; there were health benefits involved.
I eventually signed the papers. I told DH that we could do it if he was the one to explain to our son, when he had become an adult, why we had. DH was at home when our baby was taken for the circ, and I was still in the hospital.
When Philip was brought back to me, he was alert. He was not crying or sleeping. I sobbed. I sobbed so hard. I called DH and told him it was his fault that our son was scarred. At first DH thought that something had "gone wrong," and our baby had been deformed.
Yes, he was deformed, but not as DH thought.
I remember what my son looked like intact. He was beautiful. I took something from him, I harmed him in the most intimate, permanent way, because I was too fearful to fight for what I instinctively knew was right. It took two days for me to fail my son-only two days of his life.
I will never forgive myself. I think I have no excuse for my actions. The information was available to me and I did not choose to read it.
Nothing can fix what I have done.


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## Lula's Mom

Oh...







I am so sorry. Please try to be gentle with yourself. I know that's easy to say from here. If I were in your shoes I would feel just like you do.

I want to kick that OB in the box, the one who told you there were health benefits and she would do it so it wouldn't hurt. _It is her job to know better, and she failed you and your son._


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## Mama Meesh

sorry for the copy/paste....this was (most) of my post from another mom site...I am feeling really sad/depressed, guilty, angry, in need of answers!! A member of the other board directed me here for support, as the other board only is a path to debate, particularly on a "hot" subject such as circumcision.
Sorry to make this my introductory post, I'm just feeling alone right now with this. My parents and in-laws are "supportive" - they tell me everything will turn out ok in the end, but I sure don't feel like they will. Anyway, here's my post:

I had my son this past week. Even up to his delivery, I wasn't decided one way or the other about a circ. I knew the arguments for and against, but didn't feel strongly either way.

He was born with a natural "partial" circumcision. The nurses and doctors at the hospital all pushed for circumcision - some offering what I felt were "fair" arguments (statistically lower transmission rates of things like HPV, HIV) and other arguments that I felt were ridiculous for the situation (one nurse said she had witnessed lots of "gross" penile infections in elderly, demented uncirc'ed men when she worked in a nursing home - and how is this relevent to my newborn baby??) In the end, I left it to my husband to decide, and he favored circumcision and didn't want the baby to have a real memory of the event, so we decided to proceed with a circ.

I sat in on the procedure - I felt it was only fair. I wanted to provide comfort to my son and witness what exactly I was putting him through. The ped who did the procedure gave a topical anesthesia, followed by an injected local anesthesia to minimize any pain.

Despite my very specific instructions to NOT give any sugar water (I'm breastfeeding), the tech assisting with the procedure administered syringe after syringe of sugar water into my son's mouth, while he was restrained flat on his back (very dangerous for aspiration) - I was stunned that they had ignored my instructions about this, but did not want to throw a scene right there, since the doctor was in the middle of cutting off my son's foreskin, for God's sake!

The doctor did a good job at the procedure itself. However, it was quite obvious at certain times during the procedure, that there was definitely some significant pain involved. The doctor dressed the wound with a Vaseline gauze dressing and instructed me that it should not be removed for 24 hours. Within 4-6 hours, the nurse came in to "check" his penis, soaked off the dressing, and discarded it. Not surprisingly, the site started bleeding. She applied pressure manually and then with a pressure dressing. Because I had delayed the decision to circ, my son and I were discharged that day. Within a day, the corona of his penis developed an area of swollen, puffy, hypertrophic tissue ("proud flesh"). I had to call the ped. via her non-helpful, dismissive, condescending nurse. I had to be obnoxious, but I did end up getting through to the doctor, who essentially said we'd have to just hope the tissue receded as it healed. At my son's follow-up today, his ped (different doc from the one who cared for him in the hospital) said the adhesions might occur.....AND, there was potential for curvature of the penis in the future. Six days old, and I might already be negatively impacting my son's future sex life. Heavy thoughts, indeed.

Let me just say, there was nothing wrong with my son's uncirc'ed penis. Nothing. It was perfect and lovely just as it was. What the rush or need for the circumcision right away after his birth is a mystery to me. I wholly regret the decision to have him circumcised, and I am nearly depressed by the fact that I cannot take this all back.

For all of us mothers, it is your and your family's decision as to whether or not to circumcise. What I can tell you from my experience is:
1) that pain may be a factor, even if the doctor is providing the maximum interventions for anesthesia
2) you should be aware of measures (like the sugar water) that the staff may institute (with or without your approval) during the procedure which could impact other things, like your efforts to establish breastfeeding
3) wound management is an extra task for you to manage during your baby's first few days (along with everything else, like cord stump care, etc.) - my son screams in pain every time I have to handle his penis for wound care during diaper changes.
4) there may be a poor cosmetic and/or functional outcome, as seems to be the case with my son (mostly to do with the nurse's improper care of the post-op site!)
5) there should be NO RUSH to make a decision, especially if you are on the fence or not 100% certain you want to circ. I could have/should have waited a few more days/weeks/months or even left his "just fine as it was" penis uncirc'ed and left the decision to him. Now, there's no going back. What's done is done.

The experience turned me from being a mom with no real opinion either way into a mom who would never again consider circ'ing any future sons I may have.

Thanks for reading!

Meesh


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## Yulia_R

Oh mama, I'm so sorry it happened to your little boy







...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Meesh* 
...I knew the arguments for and against, but didn't feel strongly either way...

I just want to say that I don't think you knew all the facts. They are just too strong for anyone to know and still decide to circ. You probably just knew what doctors (doctors ignorance on the subject is just unbelievable!) were telling you.
If you really want to know the facts (they are very heavy though) so you can educate others and perhaps safe few little boys from this life-time damage you can read them here, for example:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=604463
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=605163

a lot of healing vibes to your baby







,
yulia.


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## saucebox

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Frankly Speaking* 
My parents circumcised their son and I deeply regret it. It wasn't theirs top cut off and they did not have to live with the after effects.

Frank

I'm curious what your aftereffects are.


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## hummingbear

Oh I hope Frank replies. I haven't seen him here in soooooooooo long.


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## Fi.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *saucebox* 
I'm curious what your aftereffects are.









I'm 99% certain Frank won't be replying, however there are several other circumcised men here who will tell you their after effects. Some include painful erections, hair growth on the shaft, not a lot of sensation. It'd be worth starting a thread on and maybe even getting it stickied.


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## *Karen*

I have been here a while and just never gotten to courage to post here. My son is circed and I regret it every single day. My DH is pro-circ and I let him make the decision. I backed out the day it was to be done. I said I couldn't do it. I said I didn't want it done. *But I didn't stop it. I could have stopped it.* Our doc wasn't even pro-circ. My poor baby boy was mutilated for no reason at all. Now I am embarassed to change him in public. I am embarassed for anyone to know what I did to him. I go to AP play groups but only change him in the car. I cannot imagine how I will deal with telling him what I did to him when he is old enough to understand. It hurts me so badly inside to know that I took something from him that he will never ever get back. My poor little love. I will never ever do this to another boy. Please know that I have learned so much since I did this to him, and I will never forgive myself for what happened.


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## jessjgh1

Karen,
((Hugs)) to you.

You just took such a huge step and wrote your post out. Give your self a time, but you need to start to forgive yourself and move past this so you can turn your feelings into something positive (like focusing on helping other mothers that need support and information around this issue-- when you are ready).

In the mean time your son needs you to be present. That probably means taking a deep breath and stop hiding. You need to find places that feel safe and any good friend (or AP parent) should totally understand your feelings and support you- if the subject even comes up at all.

It sounds like you still need some time to heal and maybe to prepare what you might want to say to other mothers or parents about your experience.

I hope you have read through the whole thread here and see that you are not the only mother that has gone through this-- the fact that you came forward and posted speaks volumes about you.

You also should realize that you could have been given a lot more support around this issue--- and just after birth is a very hard time-- your siggie says he had a rough start-- and birth stress can make it so hard to stand strong (at least in my experience).

Thanks for posting on this forum and here... I know that the words that I read here before my son was born were instrumental to keeping me on guard and strong and I am ever indebted to the parents who posted here to share their heartbreaking stories.... and I KNOW that someone in the future will read your words and others and be given the same strength and resolve I was.

((Hugs))

Jessica (and Joshua)


----------



## guestmama9908

I would like to share my son Calen's story with you. I found out that I was pregnant in June of 2004. I was thrilled and knew from the moment of conception in my heart that I would be having a little boy. I wanted to be the best mom that I could be to my sweet baby that was on its way.

I will give you a little bit of my background. I am a Pediatric Registered Nurse. I went through nursing school and the topic of circumcision was never discussed. All of the literature that is used in today's medical schools all picture the circumcised penis as the norm. I live in an area of the country where it is highly uncommon not to circ. I can honestly say that I have never seen an intact penis in my nursing career. I ignorantly thought that circumcision was something that was medically necessary and that it was beneficial. I naively thought why would the medical community propagate something that wasn't necessary? I never witnessed a circumcision as a nurse or a student nurse so I truly didn't understand what the procedure entailed.

I found out at 24 weeks gestation that I was indeed pregnant with a little boy. I never researched circumcision before he was born. I honestly thought I was doing what was best for my son when I handed him to the Doctor the day after he was born to be circumcised.

That day is the greatest regret of my life.

I specifically asked the Doctor who would be performing the procedure if he would be using proper anesthetic because I didn't want my baby to be in pain. He assured me that he would be using Lidocaine. I felt comfortable and trusted this physician with my child. After my son developed complications from his circumcision (I will detail these below) I requested his hospital records. This is when I learned that the Doctor had used only sugar water on a pacifier for anesthesia! The Doctor lied to me. He did not use proper anesthesia for my poor baby boy. I shudder to think at how my son suffered at that Doctor's hands during his circumcision.

Caring for the circumcision was an incredible ordeal. The circumcision site was red and raw and bloody. It had to be cleaned at every diaper change and my son would shudder and cry in pain. It then had to be covered in Vaseline and covered with a gauze 4 x 4. He would cry any time that he urinated. I am sure that the urine burned on that open wound. It eventually seemed to heal and I thought everything was okay.

At 15 months I was changing my son's diaper. I noticed a white mass at the circumcision site. I pushed on it and it began to come out of the side of his penis. I continued to push on the area and a large marble sized white pea emerged. Where it had come out there was now a huge hole in the side of my son's penis. I was alarmed to say the least! I hadn't ever seen anything like it and I am a Pediatric RN. I though it was an abscess of some sort.
The next morning we went to the Pediatrician. I had the white mass in a plastic bag. When we went in the Pediatrician looked at it and began to laugh. He explained that my son's circumsion had healed wrong and that the skin had reattached to the glans of his penis. He told me that this happens in up to 71% of circumcised boys. He said that the white mass was a smegma pearl that had developed in the pocket that his adhesions had left.

The pediatrician then did something that makes me sick to this day. He grabbed the head of my son's penis with two fingers and his remaining foreskin with the other hand and RIPPED literally ripped the skin loose. My son screamed and writhed in pain. He bled and it left a red raw wound where the pedi had ripped the skin loose. I asked the Doctor what he had done. He explained to me that the adhesions had to be ripped loose otherwise when my son was a teenager and had his first night time erection that they would be ripped loose then and would bleed. He said it would be better to do this now than to have him traumatized as a teenager. He then instructed me and my Husband that the skin had to be ripped loose at each diaper change otherwise it would grow back in the wrong place again.

We followed the Pediatrician's instructions for several months. My son began to scream before we even took his diaper off. He was so traumatized that if you even tried to wipe his penis with a baby wipe he would begin to beg you not to and cry.

I finally realized that something was seriously wrong with this whole situation. I began to research circumcision. That is when I learned the truth about the procedure. I learned that it is purely cosmetic and has no medical benefit. I also learned that the pediatrician was correct when he said that 71% of circumcised boys develop the penile adhesions my son has. I also learned that ripping adhesions loose can cause scar tissue to develop and cause permanent nerve damage. We could have permanently injured my DS even further if we had continued to follow the pediatrician's advice.

I am horrified that my Poor Baby Boy has suffered so needlessly because I made the decision to have him circumcised. I get out pictures now from the day he was born when he was still intact and whole and I want to cry. He was so perfect just the way he was born and I took that away from him. I feel such incredible guilt when I think about all of the pain he has gone through. It makes me sad every time I change his diaper or I put him in the bath and I see his poor little penis.

I would never circumcise another child. I would urge anyone who is considering it to rethink their decision to circ. Even my Husband is now against circumcision.


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## tqoe62

I have been an INTACTIVIST for nearly 25 years now. My journey into this arena began when my first child, a son was born, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, I researched everything I could find on pregnancy, birth, babies, etc...







(pre-pc-era) I took Bradley classes, joined LLL still pregnant, wanted to homebirth, but got talked/scarred out of that, VERY LITTLE info on circ, so I talked to people, circ'ed and whole men and all thumbs were up for circ, so against my own instincts, I had it done.





























I was in a fairly sound proof room* and they took my son down and across the hall to another room. The sound of his screams are forever burned into my brain. I almost fainted. NEVER AGAIN....if I am ever blessed with another boy...never again...(*the NICU, shoulda done it at home, Dr. nearly killed my baby with unneeded/unwanted interventions, 16 days NICU)
Always GO with your instincts, it's your Mother Wit guiding you.








So, I got on my







and started talking to people about how it was mutilation, dangerous, PAINFULL, etc...when pc's came along I was/am rabid about it!
It is EXTREMELY frustrating when you present a person with unarguable FACTS and they still mutilate their child anyway.
They MISS 2 key factors; #1; Circumcision is sexual mutilation. #2; Parents are the 'care takers' of the child, not the OWNER of the child. The child's body BELONGS to the child!

P.S. We do have another son, Marley, 5 1/2, solo UC water birth, INTACT and PROUD of it.









Keep spreading to word, sometimes people DO listen.

P.P.S. You GO Molly! You're on the road and you can only go forward.
















Blessed Be,


----------



## SkyDweller

Quote:

She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.
My mom remembers when I was taken from her...she heard my screams. She felt sick. And then I nearly died because I wouldn't take to bottle or breast.

I've been amazed at the sexual responsiveness of the women I've been with--responsiveness I'm missing. I asked my dad this summer 'why did you circumcise me'. I told him that it drastically reduces sexual responsiveness and pleasure for both men and women. His reply, "maybe that's a good thing"(victorian ideas about sex being negative). I was furious. He later apologized. He himself is intact.







I would give anything to have my foreskin back.

I wish they'd led ME decide what to do with that 'useless' piece of skin.

The only things that alleviate my anger and sense of loss are:
1. I've talked two of my parishioners(couples) into keeping their sons intact
2. I'm restoring for the benefit of myself and my future wife


----------



## SkyDweller

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fi.* 
... however there are several other circumcised men here who will tell you their after effects. Some include painful erections, hair growth on the shaft, not a lot of sensation. ....

Yep, that's me. Hair on the shaft, lack of sensation compared to women I've dated. I'd do _anything_ to get my foreskin back.

At times this forum is a difficult place to be--it reminds me of what I've lost. But I do appreciate all the 'ammo' and support I receive here to counter this incredibly barbaric practice. And it's the medical community that perpetuates it!! (It's the medical people in my church that are virulently supportive of it!)

I talked one friend out of circumcising his son (wife already didn't want to). He actually raised the topic with a full table of people during an 'after church luncheon'. It was a male nurse who was most in favor of circing! (inharmony with the other nurses and physicians in my church who all think it's a wonderfully 'biblical' thing to do. NOT) ARggggghhhhh








:

Also, a fascinating post from the "Myth: Uncircumcised men enjoy sex more" thread which says,

_My daughter's father happens to be a ***. He is intact, he is British and RIC is very uncommon. He has slept with literally hundreds of men, like 400+ probably, so that's a pretty good case study IMO. He gets around. And he says that intact men are *way* more sensitive than cut men, and that cut men require much more intense friction than intact men to orgasm, whereas intact men can enjoy much more subtle forms of stimulation. He said he couldn't believe the difference when he came over here and began having sex regularly with circed partners._


----------



## tqoe62

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SkyDweller* 







I would give anything to have my foreskin back.

I wish they'd led ME decide what to do with that 'useless' piece of skin.

The only things that alleviate my anger and sense of loss are:
1. I've talked two of my parishioners(couples) into keeping their sons intact
2. I'm restoring for the benefit of myself and my future wife

I'm happy to see a man here in this discussion. Believe me, you are not alone in your feelings. As an intactivist, I have been in many discussion/education groups and MANY men feel as you do; violated.
I am glad to know that you are restoring. I am talking to my husband about doing that as well. It is the only thing that I would change about him, if I could.
Blessed Be,


----------



## Danemom

I literally feel physically ill. uke Not kidding. As a mother of two boys (both circ'd and now ages 9 and 7) I wish I had known all of this when they were born. To me, it was a very normal and "more sanitary" practice. I want to wretch. Great, now I feel like a horrible barbaric mother. It didn't even occur to me to research it when it has always been presented as "normal" and actually healthier than leaving it alone. I am glad and horrified at the same time that I found this information. While I am not going to have anymore babies, I have plenty of friends and family who will/are. I will be passing this on. I can't even tell you how sick I feel. If my babies weren't sound asleep I'd be hugging them tight right now........

Oh geez


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## Mommiska

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Danemom* 
I literally feel physically ill. uke Not kidding. As a mother of two boys (both circ'd and now ages 9 and 7) I wish I had known all of this when they were born. To me, it was a very normal and "more sanitary" practice. I want to wretch. Great, now I feel like a horrible barbaric mother. It didn't even occur to me to research it when it has always been presented as "normal" and actually healthier than leaving it alone. I am glad and horrified at the same time that I found this information. While I am not going to have anymore babies, I have plenty of friends and family who will/are. I will be passing this on. I can't even tell you how sick I feel. If my babies weren't sound asleep I'd be hugging them tight right now........

Oh geez
















I'm so so sorry.







to you and your boys.

It's the medical establishment that is to blame for this atrocity - that is perpetuated on both little boys AND their parents (often, especially their mothers).

Many doctors who oppose circumcision won't tell the parents until AFTER they have left their sons intact.







:









Please forgive yourself and do what you can do - share the information about the realities of circumcision with those around you. And we'll end it, so that our children aren't even presented with circumcision as an option when our grandchildren are born (which is how it should be).


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommiska* 
Many doctors who oppose circumcision won't tell the parents until AFTER they have left their sons intact.







:

That is true. When our son was born we required all the check ups to be done in our room (we wouldn't let him out of our sight). So when the ped came in to check him she ask in a very neutral voice if we were going to circ him. And only when we answered "no" she said happily "thanks god, i wish there were more parents like you guys!". I liked that ped, but what the h**l, it didn't even occur to her that she herself could make a huge difference by just telling parents the truth..







:


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## jessjgh1

Yulia,
Yeah, you know, you wouldn't want to even run the risk of offending a parents by offering them both sides of the story so they can make an educated decision.

Like there's no possible way to be neutral while providing parents with the purpose of the foreskin, risks of doing nothing, and risks of the procedure. It is too bad doctors don't simply see these thigns as their job.

Jessica


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## Danemom

After having some time to think this all over after finding this information just last night, I am ENRAGED that I was not offered with facts on both sides so I could make an informed decision instead of just ASSuming at the ages of 20 and 22 (ages I was when the boys were born) that it was the only way to go. AND I was told BOTH times that my boys slept right through it. I am so pissed!!!! I think about my precious babies when they were tiny and having to endure that because the doctors didn't want to inform me of the "other side". That ped should be glad that I don't still use him or he would be receiving a ranting and raving mother in his office on Monday and THEN I would drop him like a hot potato. I know I could have done my own research but I was very young and very stupid (I have realized in my older age). That is not meant to be offensive because not all young mothers are blind to such issues. I only mean that "I" was young and stupid. And sadly misinformed.....

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!







:


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## Nathan1097

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Danemom* 
After having some time to think this all over after finding this information just last night, I am ENRAGED that I was not offered with facts on both sides so I could make an informed decision instead of just ASSuming at the ages of 20 and 22 (ages I was when the boys were born) that it was the only way to go. AND I was told BOTH times that my boys slept right through it. I am so pissed!!!! I think about my precious babies when they were tiny and having to endure that because the doctors didn't want to inform me of the "other side". That ped should be glad that I don't still use him or he would be receiving a ranting and raving mother in his office on Monday and THEN I would drop him like a hot potato. I know I could have done my own research but I was very young and very stupid (I have realized in my older age). That is not meant to be offensive because not all young mothers are blind to such issues. I only mean that "I" was young and stupid. And sadly misinformed.....

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!







:































I know I would've had the same story, had I had my kids in my early 20's. As it was, I was 25 when my eldest was born, and it was only a month before he was born when I changed my mind from "I guess so..." to That's too much to cut off my baby!" That was nearely 10 years ago now.


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## pdx.mothernurture

I came across a quote on a website called Journey of Hearts:

Our grief always brings a gift.
It's the gift of greater sensitivity and compassion for others.
We learn to rise above our own grief by reaching out
and lessening the grief of others.

Peace & healing to all who have the courage to share their stories here.










Jen


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## boysmom2

Reading all of this just breaks my heart. I have 2 boys, both circumcised. If only I could take it back... With our first ds, I was against it but didn't know enough to really argue. DH was VERY for it. His unscientific poll of random guys he knows proved to him that it was better to be circ'ed. He wanted him to look like dad. I finally gave in, but made him go with and watch. I cried the whole time they were gone. He came back and told me he just slept. Passed out from the pain was probably more like it. With our second ds, I consented again, mostly because I felt like I couldn't change mid-stream. We couldn't have one that looks like dad and one that doesn't, right? Now there's some study on African men that says that circumcision reduces HIV transmission (sorry if any pp mentioned this already - too heartbreaking to read all the posts). DH thinks this makes his side even stronger - end of discussion. I don't know if we'll ever have another baby, but I don't think I could let this happen again. I'm not sure how that will work, though. My DH is such a great guy, and he truly believes he's doing the best for his sons by insisting on circ. I just wish I could convince him.

My advice, DON'T DO IT! It could always be done later, but it can't ever be undone.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

That study as we now know is a bunch of hooey. If circ was such a success at preventing AIDS then why does the USA with the highest circ rate also have one of the highest AIDS rates??







: It just dosnt make sense that they can believe this way.

I want to thank you all for sharing your stories. I know it couldnt have been easy.


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## Mommy&Will

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
Yulia,
Yeah, you know, you wouldn't want to even run the risk of offending a parents by offering them both sides of the story so they can make an educated decision.

Like there's no possible way to be neutral while providing parents with the purpose of the foreskin, risks of doing nothing, and risks of the procedure. It is too bad doctors don't simply see these thigns as their job.

Jessica


This upsets me so much. Why, why, why? Both of my sons are circ'd. Nobody even gave options in the hospital. I was totally clueless about circing with my first son. My second son I was just starting to learn about um, freaking CHOICES in child birth in general. My second son escaped the barage of vax's as I intended to delay until I learned more. I didn't do the same with circing. Every day I see my naked little boys and it hurts me so much to think I let that happen out of ignorance. It is truly one of my greatest failures.







:

I don't understand why all that I have learned on MDC is considered so "out there" in the mainstream world. It just all makes sense. I took child birth classes, read lots of books. Just all the wrong things. Thank goodness for Mothering - its saving babies every day.


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## Serendipity12

I really regret having my son circ'd.....it was almost 11 years ago









I hate to use "ignorance" as an excuse.....but I was 20 years old and did no research at all and was never made aware of my choices....he was born in a military hospital and I remember when he was about a day old they took him away for "testing"....I didn't question it.

During this time I attened a 30 minute class about the benefits of having your son circ'd and when they returned him to me they had cut him









I also was not able to BF him for his first feeding....he was taken away immediately after I delivered him and the nurses bottle fed him.....but that is a whole other topic







:

I'm much older now and have spent many years researching the pros/CONS of circ'ing and my husband and I made the decision years ago to never circ any future sons that we may have.

I ended up having 3 girls.

I have a friend who didn't circ her son until last year.....he was 11 and his foreskin was fused and he had a malignant mole/growth under the skin.....even though this was the best decision....she regrets it everyday









I'am OK with my decision now....I just wish I knew then what I know now.


----------



## jmmsunshine

I was against circ from the beginning - I had a psych class in college and up until then I never thought about it, but we had a section of our texbook on Genital Mutilation and lo-and-behold, circ was discussed there. It changed my views forever.

When I was preg and found we were having a boy, we began to have the circ discussion - DH said Yes, I said No. His arguments were for cleanliness - my response was if this was a girl should we have her labia surgically removed because she wouldn't have folds to clean so she would be cleaner? Then he argued the kids in gym and the showers would tease him... My responses were A - do guys really check out other guys genitals when showering? and B - if we had a girl and she was 13 and hadn't really begun to develop and was getting teased for being flat chested, would we be giving her breast implants? My arguments made a dent, but didn't convince him.

When interviewing pediatricians, we discussed it. I liked him immediately - and still do. He had circ all 3 of his boys and said it wasn't a big deal and most of the kids he saw were still being circ. He suggested I let Dad make this one decision. Ultimately, that is what I did.

DS came back from surgery and I changed his diaper - and I looked at my previously perfect intact son who was now swollen and bleeding. I can't describe the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I had. When my husband came in from work, I made him change the first diaper that evening - the color completely drained from his face.

Here is where our story takes a truly negative turn. It's important to know that babies are born with swollen genitals - all babies - and mine was no exception. At 6 weeks, we began to be concerned. My DS penis didn't look "right." It didn't hang outside his body, it seemed to slip back in. We brought him to the ped and asked him and he said everything looked "OK."

A few weeks later I was watching a surgical show where the patient suffered from Hidden Penis. After the discussion, I went online and looked it up - I found a picture of a 2 year old boy and he looked exactly like my DS!

I began to do more research for our 3 mos appt and brought my concerns to the Dr. At that point I was at least reasonably well versed in what I thought we were dealing with. Because we had circ my DS, it was more likely he would suffer from adhesions (he has) and could have long lasting damage. Circ is contraindicated for the small percentage of boys with Hidden Penis. Hidden Penis is caused by a small fat pad that sits on top of the pubic bone, and that allows the shaft of the penis to shrink back into the fat pad and the skin that should be along the shaft just sags and covers up the (now exposed from circ) glans.

My ped did a very thorough exam and said that we would really need to wait till DS was about 3 to make a diagnosis, but it was possible. He also told me that he does see many boys that look like my DS that 'grow out of it' as they loose their baby fat.

Now DS is 16 mos old. He's had several adhesions and we've been told if we don't break them now, we run the risk of infection (which he's had already) and when he's a pre-teen and has his first erection the adhesions will break and bleed and swell and be sore. Gee... that's exactly what I want him to remember from his first erection - it's painful and I bleed! Honestly, I don't like either option - I hate pulling back on all the loose skin (skin that should be along the shaft of his penis) and so does DS, but I hate the idea that his first erection will be a painful experience!

I'm a member of La Leche League and I see so many of their beautiful, intact baby boys getting their diaper changed at meetings and every time I think, "Why did I let them do this to my son?" The circ certainly didn't cause the Hidden Penis, but it has caused complications.

Now we are in a waiting period. If over the next year and a half the extra fat pad over his pubic bone goes away, DS will be "normal" except for the scar from the circ. If it doesn't, then we're looking at finding a pediatric urologist and plastic surgeon to correct the Hidden Penis and we'll hope the circ didn't end up taking off too much skin to complicate the corrective surgery.

My first major decision as a mother was WWWWAAAAAAYYYYY wrong - and possibly harmed my son more than one would think. Of course since then, I've made much better decisions - exclusive breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, gentle discipline, home made baby food, nutritios food... but I dearly regret my... our decision to circ.

My husband has mixed feelings - but now that we're expecting #2 I told him hell would freeze over before this baby (if it's a boy) would be circ. It would literally have to be done over my dead body. My DH has no response. I don't know if he would still want it done, but he knows there is NO discussion on this topic.

It's taken most of the last year before I was really even able to tell our story - and some in my family still don't know it. When I know someone who is having a boy, I tell them. I don't tell them what to do - I tell them to educate themselves. Really look at both sides of the argument and see if they can find enough evidence based information FOR circumcision.

Thank you - for giving me a place to tell my story about our experience. I hope that some mom or dad-to-be will read it and, at the least, will really educate themselves BEFORE they make this truly life changing decision.


----------



## Cassandra M.

I am so sorry for your trauma.







I do think you should start a new post about your sons adhesions and condition. I don't think it's recommended to pull his adhesions back, but to leave them alone.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jmmsunshine* 
I was against circ from the beginning - I had a psych class in college and up until then I never thought about it, but we had a section of our texbook on Genital Mutilation and lo-and-behold, circ was discussed there. It changed my views forever.

When I was preg and found we were having a boy, we began to have the circ discussion - DH said Yes, I said No. His arguments were for cleanliness - my response was if this was a girl should we have her labia surgically removed because she wouldn't have folds to clean so she would be cleaner? Then he argued the kids in gym and the showers would tease him... My responses were A - do guys really check out other guys genitals when showering? and B - if we had a girl and she was 13 and hadn't really begun to develop and was getting teased for being flat chested, would we be giving her breast implants? My arguments made a dent, but didn't convince him.

When interviewing pediatricians, we discussed it. I liked him immediately - and still do. He had circ all 3 of his boys and said it wasn't a big deal and most of the kids he saw were still being circ. He suggested I let Dad make this one decision. Ultimately, that is what I did.

DS came back from surgery and I changed his diaper - and I looked at my previously perfect intact son who was now swollen and bleeding. I can't describe the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I had. When my husband came in from work, I made him change the first diaper that evening - the color completely drained from his face.

Here is where our story takes a truly negative turn. It's important to know that babies are born with swollen genitals - all babies - and mine was no exception. At 6 weeks, we began to be concerned. My DS penis didn't look "right." It didn't hang outside his body, it seemed to slip back in. We brought him to the ped and asked him and he said everything looked "OK."

A few weeks later I was watching a surgical show where the patient suffered from Hidden Penis. After the discussion, I went online and looked it up - I found a picture of a 2 year old boy and he looked exactly like my DS!

I began to do more research for our 3 mos appt and brought my concerns to the Dr. At that point I was at least reasonably well versed in what I thought we were dealing with. Because we had circ my DS, it was more likely he would suffer from adhesions (he has) and could have long lasting damage. Circ is contraindicated for the small percentage of boys with Hidden Penis. Hidden Penis is caused by a small fat pad that sits on top of the pubic bone, and that allows the shaft of the penis to shrink back into the fat pad and the skin that should be along the shaft just sags and covers up the (now exposed from circ) glans.

My ped did a very thorough exam and said that we would really need to wait till DS was about 3 to make a diagnosis, but it was possible. He also told me that he does see many boys that look like my DS that 'grow out of it' as they loose their baby fat.

Now DS is 16 mos old. He's had several adhesions and we've been told if we don't break them now, we run the risk of infection (which he's had already) and when he's a pre-teen and has his first erection the adhesions will break and bleed and swell and be sore. Gee... that's exactly what I want him to remember from his first erection - it's painful and I bleed! Honestly, I don't like either option - I hate pulling back on all the loose skin (skin that should be along the shaft of his penis) and so does DS, but I hate the idea that his first erection will be a painful experience!

I'm a member of La Leche League and I see so many of their beautiful, intact baby boys getting their diaper changed at meetings and every time I think, "Why did I let them do this to my son?" The circ certainly didn't cause the Hidden Penis, but it has caused complications.

Now we are in a waiting period. If over the next year and a half the extra fat pad over his pubic bone goes away, DS will be "normal" except for the scar from the circ. If it doesn't, then we're looking at finding a pediatric urologist and plastic surgeon to correct the Hidden Penis and we'll hope the circ didn't end up taking off too much skin to complicate the corrective surgery.

My first major decision as a mother was WWWWAAAAAAYYYYY wrong - and possibly harmed my son more than one would think. Of course since then, I've made much better decisions - exclusive breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, gentle discipline, home made baby food, nutritios food... but I dearly regret my... our decision to circ.

My husband has mixed feelings - but now that we're expecting #2 I told him hell would freeze over before this baby (if it's a boy) would be circ. It would literally have to be done over my dead body. My DH has no response. I don't know if he would still want it done, but he knows there is NO discussion on this topic.

It's taken most of the last year before I was really even able to tell our story - and some in my family still don't know it. When I know someone who is having a boy, I tell them. I don't tell them what to do - I tell them to educate themselves. Really look at both sides of the argument and see if they can find enough evidence based information FOR circumcision.

Thank you - for giving me a place to tell my story about our experience. I hope that some mom or dad-to-be will read it and, at the least, will really educate themselves BEFORE they make this truly life changing decision.


----------



## Yulia_R

I'm so sorry for you and your baby







.
But please please please do NOT pull his adhesions back! You just need to leave them alone.
yulia.


----------



## Mamm2

Please do not pull back the adhesions!!! I am so sorry you are surround by stupid doctors!









Please read thru the threads here on CAC...you will learn alot. Please also search for a foreskin friendly ped in your Finding Your Tribe forum.


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## guestmama9908

I am the mother of another, VERY REGRETFULLY, circed little boy. My DS suffers from adhesions as well.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave the adhesions alone. We used to pull them apart as well at the instructions of our physician. We got the same story you have heard about the first nighttime erection. (Do we have the same pedi?)

Pulling the adhesions apart can lead to permanent scarring and nerve damage. They are a result of the remaining foreskin attempting to act as an intact foreskin would. They will loosen the same way an intact male becomes retractable over time.

You can PM me if you need any further info about the adhesions.


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## jbpoetmom

My husband and I just read the article in Mothering and it changed us . . . our first son was circ. I was aprehensive, to say the least. My worries were brushed away by DH and the male Drs for the usual reasons and I gave in thinking that if these men are ok with it . . . ugh. I cried when they took my son away, I asked to go with and was told I couldn't. Now we are expecting our second son and I thought the decision was made for me once again. Why should the little one look different? I read the article and asked my scientist husband to do the same and he said,

"Well, we won't do that again!"

Thank you for the support here.


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## THBVsMommy

regret having my son circumcised. If only there were some way to go back 11 months and re-do my mistake.

Back in High School [ which wasn`t that long ago, seeing as I am just 22 years old ], I dated a guy for a couple years who was *not* circumcised. It was one thing he never forgave his parents for. He told me several times of his embarassment "in the locker room", and how when he turned 18 he was going to have it done himself. Because of this, it was dwelled in my head that a boy would be better off being circumcised. But honestly, I never really put much thought into it..

Years later, my husband and I discover we are pregnant. Circumcision never crossed my mind, nor did my husband and I ever discuss it. When I was admitted into the hospital and was signing papers, the question of circumcision came up. I looked at Thomas, who shrugged, and told me it was up to me [ my husband *is* circ'd ]. I then ask my nurse what she thought and she told me she suggested I do so. So there you have it, I agreed to it.

The next day, Tommy [ my son ] is taken into the nursery for his "routine circ". Thomas went with him to see it be done. I walked into the nursery directly after it was performed to a screaming baby and a husband with tear-filled eyes. His words were "Brandi, I didn't think it would be like that". I looked at my son and just bawled along with him. I picked him up, walked into the breastfeeding room, and nursed him til his heart's content, the whole time beating myself up in my head over this. What did I put him through? And why? So he could be like everyone else?

This moment still lingers in my mind. So many times I have apologized to my now 11 month old for what I allowed him to be put through, even if he doesn't remember it. Thomas and I decided together that from this point forward, any other baby boy we give birth to, will remain INTACT.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X




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## snomnky

My son is circ'd, and i do regret it as does my husband. We saw the graphic videos read the research, but ultimately we made the decision, was it the right one, probably not, but my son is perfect just the way he is. He lost his foreskin, but not his wonderful personality, his smiles, his sweetness.

There will come a time where he may question our decision and we will be honest, we took something that wasn't ours to take, but he will always know how perfect he is and how sorry we are that we made that decision.

Reading this forum made me sad to hear all the mothers who live with such deep guilt for something most of them did with good intentions. Although I am regretful, I am not guilty, our decision came from the purest part of our hearts.


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## Giraffe2

My nine year old is fully intact. I did not read or research but went on the feeling and understanding that when he was older he could make the decision if he wanted to change his body. I remember my OB saying to us, "if the only reason you are doing it is to say so you look like Dad, that is going to be a hard sell when he is older" My husband(who is circ) is and was very supportive of my feelings not to. After reading this forum, I am thankful and appreciative of my supportive and understanding husband. Just remember, they can always do it later in life (my father did for medical reasons), but they cannot put it back!


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## Bubby'sMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *snomnky* 
. Although I am regretful, I am not guilty, our decision came from the purest part of our hearts.

This is the way I feel too. I regret that I did it, and I know I won't do it again, but he's healed and all is well, so I can't dwell on it, KWIM? I do wish I didn't do it, but all I can do now is move forward and not make the mistake again.


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## mjpegar

In 1999 my son was born I do regret my desision to circumcis him he has had problems ever since with infection and very sensitive because it was not done right. I was thankfull to have a girl next so I did not have to go through that again now that he is 7 things are getting better


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## MilkyWayMom

I already feel guilty without knowing the details. In all honesty, when I was pregnant, I was clueless. I didn't have a clue at all!!

I just left the choice up to my husband and said "What do I know? I'm not a man!" How awful of me!!

I was the one that had to take him to the pediatrician for the circ itself and sit alone in the waiting room CRYING. I should have realized that something was wrong if I was crying!!!

I can't even read half of the stuff about why it's bad ... I already feel bad enough as it is. I just know if we have anymore sons, it will not be happening.

I feel like I failed my son as a parent for not getting all the information before making such a big choice like that, but now I am way more cautious about other things. This is why I hate it when people say it's so bad to make FF'ing moms feel guilty - I wish someone would have actually TOLD me this from the medical field. I wish someone would have made me feel guilty so I could have spent a little more time considering the decision I was making.

Anyway . . . . I just really needed to vent all that out!! It's a subject that kind of makes me sad to think of... but it's been on my mind on and off since realizing what a mistake I made....


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkyWayMom* 
I wish someone would have actually TOLD me this from the medical field. I wish someone would have made me feel guilty so I could have spent a little more time considering the decision I was making...









I know what you mean mama. I so wish someone would have told me/made me feel guilty that vaccines are PURE POISON before I allowed 9 shots for my son before I knew any better and now he is having a horrible eczema because of this...






















or that ultrasounds during pregnancy ARE harmful for the baby (I had tons of them with my first one





















)
But we all learn and do better when we know. It eases my pain to know that our second baby will NEVER receive any shots and had just one u/s







. We need to learn how to forgive ourselves. It's extremely hard though







.
yulia.


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## Mama~Love

I feel like the worst parent ever to my boys. I feel like I really screwed them up. I won't ever be able to let go of the guilt I feel over what i did to them. I think about it everyday, and I get SOOOO angry at myself for not educating myself, angry at the hospital for not giving me any information about it.

I get so upset that this is even still allowed to happen. I get upset when I think about all the little boys that are going to go through this, and the moms who might regret it later, and angry at the ones who don't. I know a lot of little boys on the way IRL & on the net that will be cut, and I feel helpless because I know the parents won't listen to any info I share.

I wish I could live my life over again so I can do right what I did wrong.


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## Mommiska

MilkyWayMom and MommyofMany







to you both.

Please forgive yourselves - the medical profession is VERY culpable in perpetuating circumcision (and the pain it causes for all involved







).

Some of the best advocates for little boys are regretful parents...people who wouldn't listen to anyone/anything else will often take on board the comments of someone who has been there and is warning them.

Thanks for sharing your stories. I think this thread is very powerful and has saved many little boys.


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## jessjgh1

((hugs))

I happened to catch this yesterday and I thought it was relevant because this man directed his anger at the medical community and the 'system'-- and although angry that his mother had him circumcised, he was not angry at her.

(((hugs)))

Jessica

From: They Cut Babies, Don't They?
Posted by: MGMbill





Jessica


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## 3kidsclmr

Like many people who have posted, I live with much regret and guilt due to the fact that my two sons (2 and 4 years old) are circed. I don't know why I didn't research the topic fully during my pregnancies- My husband and I thought it was a "normal" thing to have done and left it at that. A nurse I talked with at the hospital said it was "quick" and "no big deal". The doctor barely spent 30 seconds with me while I signed the consent form outlining the "very rare" risks. I'm hoping to get to the point where I accept that agonizing and feeling horrible about what I allowed to happen isn't going to change anything. I need to focus on my kids, and help them to have the best life possible. Yet it's difficult knowing that I took something immeasurable away from them so early in life. How do we move on??


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3kidsclmr* 
How do we move on??










I'd say try to educate other people and help saving their boys from having this done to them. It may help to heal your own wound&#8230;


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## JRafe's Mom

I think the best thing to do is what you've already done (as I did)

Come to terms with the past
Reflect on your misjudgement/mistake/wrongdoing
Make ammends with yourself and your child
Go forward with an differnet approach (i.e., if I ever have another son, I will NOT do this)
Make attempts to speak out honestly to friends and the public siting the unecessity of circumsicion

I have gone through all these points personally in the last year and a half. My son will soon be turning 3. I know I made a mistake even though I didnt' want to do it. I let others "reassure" me that this was the right thing. I second guessed myself, but I learned an important mothering lesson. Never, ever to give away my power of maternal instincts. It was an awful, heavy price to pay, but my son has had other ongoing medical issues (reflux, autism) that forced me to move forward. You need to cry to someone, apologize, defend your actions, whatever it is that will help you come to "big terms" with the circ. I hate it every time I think about how friggin stupid I was, but you have to move forward. One day, when your boys are big, you can discuss this with them...Hopefully even convince them against male circumcision


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## Grettal

I regret having my DS circumcised so much.. What have I done to that poor sweet little boy. I caved and didn't argue for what I had as a gut feeling was the right thing to do. Never, never never again will any son of mine be cric. No way, no how!!


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## nataliachick7

i also circed and regret it so much! i didnt know any better at the time, i thought i was doing what was supposed to be done! i cant believe i put my son through that...


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## GinaRae

I circumcised my oldest, who is now 11, despite watching the videos, etc.
I circumcised my 8 year old too.
We didn't want to circumcise our 5 year old, but we weren't prepared with research and weren't prepared for the bullying from the doctor. Against my better instincts, he was circumcised.

I do regret them all.

Should this fourth baby be a boy, he will not be circumcised, even though he has a dad and three brothers who are (as well as friends and family who might be shocked). He will stay intact.

We live and we learn and sometimes we live to regret.


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## mikes_becky

My husband and I had our first two sons circ'ed. With the first child, I was quite young (21) and blithe about it-- "I'll go with whatever his father wants, his father is the authority on that subject." With Son #2 I was much better educated and didn't want him circ'ed, but I was afraid (yes... simply afraid) to be too confrontational with my spouse about it. I feared that he would concede yet it would become a major Issue In Our Marriage, some permanent sign on our child that I preferred a different "model" to the one my husband has, and thus that I preferred some other man to him. I don't know that, at that point in our lives, I could have chosen differently. I simply have to forgive myself for making those choices-- the first in ignorance, the second because that was our relationship dynamic at the time and I had a credible logic for making that decision: I was trying to be sensitive to my husband's feelings and it's good for children to have two parents who love each other.

When we had our third son-- fourth child-- I was considerably older (29! Hah!) and even better educated. From even before his (deliberate) conception, I was emphatic and firm that I would not circumcise another boy. We could choose not to conceive another child if my husband wanted, but if we did have one and the child was a boy, I would not circ him. I still maintained a sensitivity to my husband's feelings-- made it clear that it wasn't a value judgment on him, just that it was an unnecessary practice. I talked to my father-in-law, who was intact, and asked him why he'd chosen to circ his sons (his answer: he hadn't. The doctors just did it back in 1973, or only asked the mother). I took that info to my husband. I asked my OB for his *personal* opinion as a medical professional and extracted from him that he's very much opposed to the practice for medical reasons. I took *that* info to my husband, presenting it strictly as medical info rather than in a "me and the OB are ganging up on you" kind of way.

When Luke was born and they asked if I wanted him circumcised, I cannot tell you how *light* I felt, how victorious, when I said "no." I had gone against a lot of pressure to have him circ'ed-- less from my husband at that point than from my mother and from friends who were dubious about whether my sons really wouldn't care that they looked "different". I felt I had broken the cycle of this practice in our family, and done something good.

Luke just turned 1, and he hasn't had any urinary tract infections or any of the other spooky problems they warn you about, like swelling or redness or whatever. When I was expecting him I'd hoped for a girl (I admit), so I could have an "even set" between my 4 kids, but one highlight of having a boy was proving to myself that I really *had* changed, that I wouldn't just *say* I'd make a different decision if I had it to do over, but that I really would (and did!).

I think what I'd want to tell other moms who had this experience or are considering what to do in the future, is the following... that first, it's not productive to actively regret, or feel guilty about, having your earlier sons circumcised. You made the choice you did with the information and emotional reasoning you had available to you at that time-- it wasn't a malicious act, and it won't ruin your son's life. People may balk at my saying that, but there are plenty of circumcised men out there walking around perfectly content with their bodies and their sex lives. As women we've spent way too much time trying to convince men that the world doesn't revolve around their penises to turn past circumcision decisions into a central issue of guilt as mothers.

Secondly, I would want to say that it *is* possible to turn a balky husband around on this issue. Mine *never* got to the point where he actually agreed with me about the decision, only to the point where he could see that I felt strongly enough that it wasn't worth it to him to argue. When the baby was very young he said a couple things like "it would look better snipped"... but now that the baby's a year old, he couldn't care less. I think it helped my husband to know that the decision made for *him* as a newborn was an arbitrary one based on outdated information. Meaning no offense to anyone, the "a son should look like his father" thing is a silly argument. If a son's penis looks anything like his father's during the next 14 years, the child has a glandular problem. Past that point, it shouldn't be much of a challenge to explain the difference in foreskin. I can understand that it can be difficult for a man not to validate the decision his parents made at his own birth, but still-- what man wouldn't want to give his son an extra half inch of penis? It's the gift that keeps on giving... (ugh... no, I guess I didn't have to say that  )

If others are researching on here (as I did, on the internet generally, before I had Luke), I wish you luck in making that decision. Choosing not to circ a son after you've already circ'ed in the past is definitely not the path of least resistance, but in the end it's very easy in that you take no action and, in most cases, reap no repercussions. And you can know you went to bat for your kid, and that you were brave and strong.

-Rebecca


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## shay

My first is 18 now, circumcised out of ignorance. I knew nothing at age 21 in 1988. I have many regrets the way he was parented by listening to others instead of myself.

The next 2 boys, born at home are not circumcised. My midwife opened the door to many things about pregnancy, birth and babies!!!

Do your homework before deciding!!!

And it is not an issue in our house. Many people have asked me that. Boys are just happy to have something hanging and don't pay attention to extral skin on the end.


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## christy005

I very much regret circ-ing my first son. I was not informed enough, and make the wrong decision,and I'll regret it forever. After I gave birth, and left the hospital, I started researching, and realized what I had done. I'll always feel guilty and ashamed for putting my ds through that.
Any other sons I have will NOT be circumsized.


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## Frisha

If I had it to do over he would be intact I didn't know any better and I deeply regret this.


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## Nathan1097

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...81&postcount=1

Hi. I posted a request in the above link. ITs on the circ board here.  I think you're supposed to paste a link not post duplicate posts, so that's why I did it this way.

As a ps, if you'd like re: permission, let me know if I can just use any posts here, in addition. TIA!


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## vaughnmama

I wish I would have read something like this forum in time. My two boys have been cut and I regret it with every ounce of my being. This surgery is traumatic (physically and emotionally) and dangerous. It exposes babies to infection, shock, major bleeding...some lose their penis altogether...some die! My pediatrician never told me these things. I found out later (too late for us,) about dangers and complications from circumcision, and my boys have had to endure problems from their circumcisions.
With our first born, Evan, I am ashamed to say that we hardly discussed it beyond answering the hospital staff's question of "When would you like your son circumcised here?" It was just a given that Evan would be circumcised because his dad was circumcised. At that point, I had never seen an uncircumcised penis, not even Evan's. I never changed his diapers in the hospital. Today I regret that, I should have changed his diapers and seen what he looked like naturally. I feel like even more of an idiot when I remember that neither one of us accompanied our son to his surgery. We let our defenseless, one-day-old baby be taken away from us to be mutilated; yet, we wouldn't let him make one trip to the nursery alone...horribly ironic! As for the effects after the circumcision, Evan was only one day old and I think it sent him into "shell-shock". He did not nurse very well at all and he slept constantly. Owen changed all of his diapers for a good long while so I can't say much about the immediate physical damage. Later when he was a few months old the pediatrician noticed his skin was sort of growing down or attaching to the head of his penis (now I know it is a problem called "adhesions") so during 2 separate visits he grabbed that skin and literally ripped it back.
Evan screamed, as you can imagine, and his penis was bleeding and raw.
Our second son, Colby, was born in a birthing center so the atmosphere was definitely different, more accepting of what's natural. However, in my prenatal care, the subject of circumcision again hardly came up. My midwife did not even delve into the subject. The only time it was discussed was when we were trying to decide the risks and benefits of the vitamin K shot and whether we would subject our baby to that shot. Again, devastatingly ironic! Here we were laboring over the decision of a shot, but when it came to the mutilation of our boy, we just said quickly "Well if the baby is a boy, we're going to circumcise him because his dad and brother are circumcised." After Colby was born, I was able to see what an uncircumcised penis looked like. My boy was so beautiful, so peaceful. He was not in the shell-shocked state that Evan was in - after all that Evan had to endure in the hospital. I changed Colby's diapers for a week. The gravity of what we were about to do was starting to set in. Every time I looked at Colby's penis, I felt sad for Evan and for how we had altered him. I cried. I talked to his dad about it and wondered how can we do this to our beautiful baby? Time was running out. His circumcision appointment with the pediatrician was drawing near. I tried to engage other people around us in conversation about it to see if I could garner any support for the idea of not circumcising Colby. Some did not want to talk about it. Most gave all kinds of reasons why we should circumcise him. Only one friend told me the truth about circumcision. I listened to her, but I was too passive and I let the circumcision happen anyway.
At least this time I had the guts to watch it. I felt like it was my responsibility to watch Colby's circumcision since it was half my decision (half Owen's) and it would be cowardly for me to hide in another room to distance myself from it. It was brutal! If anyone out there is considering circumcision for their baby, please look at pictures or video of a baby being circumcised. If I had seen Evan's circumcision ¬ I NEVER would have subjected Colby to it, too. The horrible reality of the procedure being forced upon my child is seared into my brain. I have dreams about stepping in (when the doctor is suiting up and strapping Colby down) and saying "stop this, don't do it!" and snatching him away and protecting him. Unfortunately, that's just a dream. (Maybe by sharing this with you and other people who may read it, I can make that dream a reality for some other baby boy.) As for the after-effects, he was so sleepy afterward. He would go 6 hours before nursing, instead of his usual 2-3 hours. And his penis and scrotum were so swollen and bruised for many, many days. He would cry when we touched the area. And he also developed a hidden or "buried" penis. His traumatized penis receded up into his body and is rarely seen on the outside. Perhaps it is caused by too much shaft skin being removed. Potty training now is tricky because when he stands to pee, it doesn't come out in a stream, it dribbles all down his front unless you make his penis come out. But, it also causes him discomfort when we push on the area to make it come out.
Owen and I have been talking about it a lot lately. I was able to finally do the research and back up what my instincts were telling me during that one week when Colby was intact. After much explanation, and many tears, he was able to feel it too. He now realizes we made a mistake and feels so bad for our sons. We can never take it back. All we can do now is apologize. Some days I feel like I've made peace with it. However, some days my guilt is overwhelming and I feel angry at everyone; the medical community who never asked us the tough questions, my OB, my pediatrician, my midwife, my husband for talking me into it, our families, my sister (I never got one inkling that she supported my idea to leave Colby intact) insurance companies that still cover it, but most of my anger is at myself. I am responsible.
Circumcision strained my relationship with my sister too. When she told me that her 3rd son (born just 6 months after Colby) would be the first in the family to NOT be circumcised, my knee-jerk, competitive, selfish reaction was: "What?! How can you do that? Where were you when I needed your support with that same decision? I felt like you were talking me into circumcision? Now you and your 3rd son get to reap the benefits of my torture." Now, I know that it's hateful and selfish, and I never said these things out loud to her. But I had to actively and consciously allow my joy (and relief) for her baby boy to take over. But I am still angry with her because she remembers our interactions differently, she thinks that she was anti-circ but that she didn't want to pressure me because I had already decided to have it done.

When I was trying to talk to people about whether to circumcise or not, people said things like;
•It's better to do it when he's a baby and can't remember it.
•His genitals will look weird, like an anteater.
•His self-esteem, self-image will be damaged.
•He's going to grow up with a complex about looking different.
•He'll resent you for not doing it when he's a baby.
•He should be circumcised because his dad (brother) is.
•How will you possible explain why you circumcised Evan but not Colby? (It was a conversation that my husband did not want to have with the boys.)
•My sister talked about how old uncircumcised men in nursing homes get penis infections all the time, and that a male nurse she works with says uncircumcised Mexican boys come into the hospital all the time with penis infections.
•One guy told my sister that he always wondered what was wrong with the Mexicans in school and why they looked different. Also, he would have been pissed if his mother would not have done it when he was a baby because he would have had to do it as an adult and then he'd feel the pain and remember it. (I'm sorry, I know the reference to Mexicans will offend, as it offends me too, but I HAD to include it because those were the things I heard. These whacked social ideas exist and still lead to boys being circumcised.)

Now I see the errors of the statements above. All those people were making assumptions based on growing up when being circumcised was the norm in America. They imagine their resentment at being left intact, but they can never know that for sure. However, plenty of men now feel resentment for being circumcised, there's no mistaking that once you start reading their stories. If your grown-up son resents you for not cutting him, at least he'll be old enough at that point to make the decision for himself. He can go ahead and do it (if he feels that strongly about it.) But you can never go back and put it back on. Plus, with the falling numbers of circumcisions happening in this country, chances are by the time our babies are in school, half or more of the boys will be intact...so an intact son will be more "normal" than many people realize.

Consider, if you will, how ridiculous the following statements sound:
•"I hope you're not considering letting your daughter go uncircumcised."
•"The clitoris and outer lips serve no function, she won't miss them."
•"Plus all that extra skin down there just looks so weird."
•"It's gross! And you know she'll just have infections all the time. She won't be able to keep herself clean."
•"You know, when she gets to school and all the girls are comparing their vulvas in PE or in the bathroom, she'll be teased unmercifully."
•"I think I heard that girls don't even feel pain when they cut it off. But even if they do, she won't remember the pain of it if done when she's a baby."
•"She'll resent you for not getting her circumcised when she was a baby. It will be more expensive and painful to get circumcised when she wants to have it done as an adult."

We obviously view female circumcision as "female genital mutilation." I have known about female genital mutilation in other countries for many years and it always sickened me to hear or read about it. I feel so damned stupid for never making that connection when it came to the boys. It is time that we regard the circumcision of boys as "genital mutilation" as well. I had thought that I was such an open-minded, natural kind of gal, but I missed the boat by such a long shot when it came to circumcision. I think because it is never discussed, or it is just dismissed as the norm, in mainstream information. Now I have come to realize that I trust nature in so many other aspects of life...I should have trusted nature when it came to my boy's anatomy. If a boy is not supposed to have foreskin on his penis, then boys would have evolved that way.
My husband has come around and feels remorse for his decisions, and sadness at the decision of his parents for having circumcised him. One morning, he told me he was on the internet all night researching it. Many adult men still carry the psychological scar of being circumcised as a baby. The feelings of learned helplessness and passivity are directly connected to the time when they were strapped down and subjected to excruciating pain and they could neither fight nor flee. How could it not make a deep imprint on his spirit? This is primal stuff. It started to click with us. My husband has been struggling with feelings of passivity his whole life. What if his struggle to make decisions comes from the fact that one of the most important decisions was literally ripped from him when he was hours or days old? It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Why did it take 30 years to come to the realization? Why did doctors in the past just want to prescribe lithium and anti-depressants with no thought to the underlying cause? AGGGHHHH! The madness of it all!
Listen to your heart and protect your children the way they'll be born into this world. Until you are 100% satisfied that the necessity, the safety, and the benefits of the procedure outweigh the risks...don't do it. You can always put it off until later, but you can never take it back once it is done. Your decision should not be quick or flippant because it will last his whole life, and yours. I will forever regret my decisions to circumcise my 2 boys. It haunts me.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

Thank you for sharing your story


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## Mommiska

Vaughnmama - thank you for sharing.


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## angelachristin

My baby boy, that I prayed for, wished for, hoped for and dreamed about for 3 long years of TTC, was born on November 30, 2006. He was not circed in the hospital because apparently here (Las Vegas) they don't do it in the hospital anymore...he had an appointment to have it done by my OB the Monday after his birth (he was born on Thursday) but he ended up being admitted to the NICU (unneccessarily, but that is another story) on Saturday, December 2 and staying for 7 days (for no reason), so I cancelled that appointment. I wish I could stop right here and say that is the end of the story, but of course it isn't, or I wouldn't be posting on this thread, would I?

He was released from the NICU on Saturday, December 9, and had a follow-up appointment with the pediatrician on Tuesday. At that appointment, another was made for the circ to be done on December 19. I had asked my husband before he was born if he thought we should circ him, and he said, "OF COURSE!" Of course, my husband is circed.

I didn't research it. Almost every man I know or have ever known has been circed. Only one I knew hadn't been, and he told me it had taken him years to get over the "shame" he felt at being "different" than everyone else. So, I didn't research it. I didn't bother to find out what is really done, or what is taken, and what a crime it is.

I tried so hard to be the best mommy in the world to my baby. I EBF him, even though that meant Epumping for almost a month while he was in the NICU and after, until he learned to latch on to the breast after being used to the bottle in the NICU. I sleep with him, I hold him all the time, I never let him cry. I never would want him to feel a moment of sadness or pain. So, why, why, why did I not look for the truth? I listened to everyone who told me "you have to do it!" I listened to my husband, to my mom and grandmother, to the pediatrician, to the visiting nurse who was assigned to come and check on my baby after we came home from the hospital. Deep inside, I now know my mama intuition was trying to tell me it wasn't right. I kept saying, "Are you sure we have to?" And EVERYWHERE, I was told, "YES!" But, I don't blame anyone who told me, "You have to!" I am not the sort of person who will normally accept stuff at face value. This is why it kills me even more that I just went ahead and let this happen to my baby.

December 19 came and we took him to his appointment. As we sat in the room waiting for the doctor, I remember the fear I felt, and I kept saying to my husband, "Are you sure he HAS to have this done? Are you SO HAPPY that you're circumsized?" and things like that. He kept telling me, "YES, stop it, calm down, this is going to happen no matter what." The doctor came in, and I left the room, but I made my husband stay. I paced up and down the hallway. I heard my son cry once, but that was all. Later my husband told me he only cried when they injected him with the pain killer or whatever it was. That does not make me feel any better, though.

When it was over I came back in. My baby's foreskin was there on the table and the doctor asked us if we wanted to keep it. Yes I wanted to keep it...on my baby. I can still picture it now in my head. I am fighting back tears as I am writing this...it seemed like so much skin. How could I have let this happen? I knew it was wrong, but still I was in denial. It wasn't until I found MDC that I began to realize the true horror of what I had stood by and allowed to happen to my precious, innocent baby boy. Way too late.

I looked at his pictures last night from when he was born and he was so perfect then. I have been dreaming at night that I am there in the doctor's office again, but this time I grab my baby and leave before it can happen to him. I only wish that were true. I hope with all my heart my son will forgive me for not protecting him and keeping him whole, because I am sorrier for it than I have ever been about anything else in the entire 31 years I have been on this planet.

Mommy is so, so sorry, Jackson. I know that is not enough, that nothing will ever bring back what was taken from you. I should have protected you better. But I hope you know that I love you more than anything in the world and I never would have let this happen if I had known then what I know now.








:


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## Ornery

I saw this thread and just had to post. In 1995 when I was 16, I had my first son. I remember vaguely discussing circ with our ped at the time, and she scared me with horror stories of boys who were intact and had infection after infection after infection. Over and over again, she told me that if I didn't do it, I would be in and out of the hospital with my son for years. She told me parents who didn't circ were practically committing child abuse. So I caved. I felt like it was wrong, but believed "dr knows best". I remember being in a drugged out haze (I had an emergency c/s due to the "dr knows best" philosophy I held at the time) and hearing my son crying as they were taking him out of my room to do the operation. I honestly don't even know if they used anesthesia. This was still when they thought babies didn't "feel" pain. Luckily, the operation went well, and my son has never had problems, but I have always felt guilty that I wasn't there and that I didn't make more of an effort to be educated.

With my second son, born in 2006, I fought with my dh the entire pregnancy over it. He thought that because he was circ and my older son was circ, this poor innocent babe should also be brutalized. I went into labor at 38 weeks, before we had made a final "decision" (although I knew I would never allow it to happen). In the hospital, after the birth, my husband asked the on call ped about it. We were lucky enough to have an on call ped that refused to perform them. I prodded the ped to tell my dh why and he sat down with him for about 30 min and told him everything that I had been telling him. My dh, of course, listened to him and was almost gagging by the end of it. Needless to say, my youngest is intact and any future children we have will be intact.

I struggle with guilt over my oldest son's brutalization. He is a wonderful kid now, but who knows what he would have been like if he had not been attacked when he was at his most vulnerable?


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ckmoore* 
I saw this thread and just had to post. In 1995 when I was 16, I had my first son. I remember vaguely discussing circ with our ped at the time, and she scared me with horror stories of boys who were intact and had infection after infection after infection. Over and over again, she told me that if I didn't do it, I would be in and out of the hospital with my son for years. She told me parents who didn't circ were practically committing child abuse. So I caved. I felt like it was wrong, but believed "dr knows best". I remember being in a drugged out haze (I had an emergency c/s due to the "dr knows best" philosophy I held at the time) and hearing my son crying as they were taking him out of my room to do the operation. I honestly don't even know if they used anesthesia. This was still when they thought babies didn't "feel" pain. Luckily, the operation went well, and my son has never had problems, but I have always felt guilty that I wasn't there and that I didn't make more of an effort to be educated.

With my second son, born in 2006, I fought with my dh the entire pregnancy over it. He thought that because he was circ and my older son was circ, this poor innocent babe should also be brutalized. I went into labor at 38 weeks, before we had made a final "decision" (although I knew I would never allow it to happen). In the hospital, after the birth, my husband asked the on call ped about it. We were lucky enough to have an on call ped that refused to perform them. I prodded the ped to tell my dh why and he sat down with him for about 30 min and told him everything that I had been telling him. My dh, of course, listened to him and was almost gagging by the end of it. Needless to say, my youngest is intact and any future children we have will be intact.

I struggle with guilt over my oldest son's brutalization. He is a wonderful kid now, but who knows what he would have been like if he had not been attacked when he was at his most vulnerable?









I'm so sorry, mama. Have you thought of taking legal actions against your first ped who said that not circ-ing is practically a child abuse. If not, please do think about it really good. She has to pay for what she's done to your and other helpless little babies







: . Her statements were based on nothing, just pure BS







: .


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## Mommiska

Angela and CKMoore







to you both. Thank you for sharing your stories. Please do also see the 'Letter to a Regretful Mother' here: http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...11#post8220111


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## mom3b1?

When I had my first son I was so focussed on getting through pregnancy intact I didn't think much about other issues. I'd had a lot of pregnancy losses before he was born.

When it came to circ, I let his dad decide. I figured, he has a penis, he should know what's best.

Well, he didn't care, he just figured if his was done that had to be best.

I held that baby while it was done. My Doctor tried to talk me out of it, and shame on me for not listening seriously to her.

Baby 2 was done routinely in the hospital. I said I didn't want it, his father, my ex husband, said he wanted it done. It was done.

Baby number three was born UC at home. I put my foot down. His dad said he had to be like his brothers. I told him if he was going to do it, he was going to have to take the baby to the hospital and hold him while he was cut. I gambled that he'd be to big of a wimp to do it. I was right.

The boys don't care a bit that their penises are different. They know. I have explained what was done to the first two, and that I'd left the decision to their father, and regret that it was done to them. I haven't made a big deal of it. I don't want them to feel bad about it. I've just stated the facts, simply and without emotion. Hopefully if they have sons they will be comfortable leaving them intact.

Kiley


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## bluegrassgirl

After reading all of these stories, if I have another baby that's a boy, he is 100% going to be intact.

Its a shame that doctors try to scare mom's into thinking they are doing something good for their son, when it does more harm.

Jessie
(single mommy to Emma, 3 years and Angela, 2 years)


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## A&A

For all of you:

http://www.mothering.com/guest_edito...place/133.html


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## KermitMissesJim

I can't quite decide if I "regret" circ'ing my first son or not. I didn't give it a moment's thought until they were wheeling him out of my hospital room, and asked dh if he would like to attend. Dh recoiled in horror, which I found odd.

Still, it went off without a hitch, though ds never took to the breast and I was unsuccessful in that aspect of mothering. I can see how that would link to the pain he experienced, but I'm not sure I buy the idea of circ having a long-term, psychological effect on my baby. But I hadn't heard a word about AP when I had him, and thus raised him differently in his early years than my latter two.

Ds does get rashes on his glans (irritation rashes) and we have to treat that with a cream. Last year I had our ped check his penis to make sure the skin wasn't too tight (trying to find the cause of the redness). Ped, who doesn't recommend circ, said it was a clean job. I am relieved that my poor non-decision had a non-tragic outcome.

It's done, and can't be undone. He didn't die and nothing was botched. So I'm not sure I go as far as regret. Maybe I do. I do wish I'd read something, anything about circumcision before just handing him over. But I don't cry about it, wring my hands about it, or give much thought to it. If and when ds1 asks about his penis in comparison to un-circ'ed ds2, we'll chat with him about it.

It's probably part of my logical nature: what's done is done, we cannot fix it, so we must live with it as best we can. We're lucky ds didn't have to pay a horrible price for our thoughtless choice.


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## Yulia_R

*Please watch this movie. This is an excellent movie (done by doctors opposing circumcision) about foreskin's purpose and harm of circumcision.* http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...o/prepuce.html
As you can see you took a decided to cut off a very important part of your son's body and he and his future wife are the ones who will have to live with the consequences of this.

You probably already know that circumcision started as a cure for masturbation (masturbation was considered to be evil and sinful and was blamed for all sort of illnesses including paralysis and mental retardation http://www.cirp.org/library/history/ ).

Even a perfectly performed circumcision does life-long harm.

1. It removes the most sensitive parts of the penis (Ridged band and Frenulum)

2. Glans (the head of the penis) is designed to be an internal organ being protected by the foreskin. So once the foreskin is being removed, the glans become an external organ. Being constantly rubbed against underwear leads to it's keratinization (the skin gets thick and rough, partially loosing sensitivity; the same way as it does on our feet once we start walking). It's a matter of fact, it looses so much sensitivity that a circumcised man without a condom on feels less than an intact man wearing a condom.

Please take a look at a recent sensitivity study published in the BJU International (British Journal of Urology) in April 2007.
This study was the first time that the intact and circumcised penis were thoroughly, systematically and scientifically tested for sensitivity. The testing method was monofilament testing, the same method used in assessing peripheral neuropathy, such as lack of feeling in the feet of diabetics. The resulting measurements of sensitivity are quantifiable and reproducible. The study was submitted for peer review before being approved for publication.

The study's objective: to map the fine-touch pressure thresholds of the adult penis in circumcised and uncircumcised men, and to compare the two populations.

*The conclusion, from the abstract: The glans of the circumcised penis is less sensitive to fine touch than the glans of the uncircumcised penis. The transitional region from the external to the internal prepuce is the most sensitive region of the uncircumcised penis and more sensitive than the most sensitive region of the circumcised penis. Circumcision ablates the most sensitive parts of the penis.*

Full text of the study (pdf), http://www.icgi.org/touch-test/touch-test-article.pdf
Graphs illustrating the comparison findings http://www.icgi.org/touch-test/

3. Moisturizing the glans is another important function of foreskin. Once removed, the skin of glans gets dry which most of the time leads to inability to have sex/masturbation without an artificial lubricant. On the other hand intact men do not need it at all. Foreskin slides up and down the shaft of the penis providing an easy and smooth penetration, lubrication and additional pleasure for both partners.

4. The pain during circumcision is truly agonizing. There has been actually a study that was stopped before being completed due to too much trauma to babies http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9712/23/ci...on.anesthetic/ .

There has been another study that was comparing pain sensitivity in newborn vs. adults. The results were quite shocking! Newborn indeed don't feel pain the way adults do. They feel it 1. more intense; 2. on a larger area and 3. for a longer period of time!

Lucky babies would pass out being unable to coop with such intense pain; not lucky ones will not and will go through the whole agony all the way.

There has been also a study that proved that intact boys and girls have higher thresholds of pain than circumcised boys. It was published in the Lancet (British medical journal) in 1997.

While permanent psychological impact of circumcision is still mostly unknown, it's logical to assume that just like any extremely painful and traumatic event-even if forgotten-it can lead to a permanent emotional/psychological scar/damage.

Even a perfectly performed circumcision does not guarantee that a person will not have more serious (beyond the mentioned above) problems in his future sexual life. Such problems as, for example, too tight (sometimes even painful) erections can be due to removal of too much foreskin and whatever left over just not enough to accommodate a normal erection are much more common than many people think since it's nearly impossible to know for sure how much is "too much" until the penis reaches its full-grown size. Removal of too much foreskin can also lead to a shaft of the penis being hairy (it pulls skin from above to more or less accommodate an erection).

*Worth while mentioning most recent scientists discovery that Langerhans cells that are present in the foreskin are behave as 'natural barrier' to HIV.* Bellow are the links.

http://body.aol.com/news/articles/_a...28234109990019
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...030500357.html
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=17334373
http://www.womenshealth.gov/news/english/602421.htm

If an adult wants to get circumcised, it's definitely his body and therefore, his choice. There are benefits of being circumcised as an adult vs. as an infant.
- adequete pain relieve during and after procedure (also keep in mind that adults don't pee and poop on the raw wound from circimcision the way babies do);
- significantly less chance of taking too much skin since the penis is ful grown size and no need to 'guesstimate';
- prosess of keratinization and partual loss of sensitivity will be much less due to glans being protected by the foreskin all the years preor circumcision;
- his body, his choice! not being ripped off from the basic right of genital integrity and the right to choose whether to preform this cosmetic sergery on the body or not. No one should ever have a right to alter genitals of another person! Kids are NOT a parent's property!

*So, I really have hard time getting what exactly here is NOT to regret about?..*







:
yulia.


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KermitMissesJim* 
Ds does get rashes on his glans (irritation rashes) and we have to treat that with a cream. Last year I had our ped check his penis to make sure the skin wasn't too tight (trying to find the cause of the redness). Ped, who doesn't recommend circ, said it was a clean job. I am relieved that my poor non-decision had a non-tragic outcome.

It was NOT a clean job; any circumcision, even perfectly preformed, is a VERY dirty job. And yes, it did have a tragic outcome! You are wondering why your son keeps getting rashes? Well, pretty much any mama on this forum can answer you that (if you doubt this answer you are very welcome contact DOCTORS opposing circumcision and they will tell you the same thing. unlike most American doctors who are unbelievably ignorant about the issue of foreskin and intact penis, those guys know alot about it). *So your son keeps getting rashes (and he could also get ulcers on his glans (head of the penis) BECAUSE his foreskin that was designed to PROTECT his glans was removed and now his glans are being rubbed and irritated by urine and underwear.*

yulia.


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## KermitMissesJim

I disagree that occasional rashes are a tragic outcome compared to infection or total loss of the organ.

Since you insist, I'll put on my hair shirt and self-flagellate for the rest of my life over this decision.


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KermitMissesJim* 
I disagree that occasional rashes are a tragic outcome compared to infection or total loss of the organ.

Since you insist, I'll put on my hair shirt and self-flagellate for the rest of my life over this decision.

I didn't mean that rashes are tragic outcome. I just said they are due to circ.

As for tragic outcome, please read my first post. Your son has got an important organ amputated (most likely without a proper anesthesia as well)and that _is_ a very tragic outcome for him and his future wife/partner.
Yes, I do want you to regret it and regret it deeply. Your baby lost something very important because of your choice and *he deserves you mourning it.*
yulia.


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## Peppermint

I believe the thread title makes it clear that this thread is for those who "circumcised and regret it".


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## njeb

Actually, KermitMissesJim, I agree with you. Flagellating yourself over your past mistake will not bring back your son's foreskin. And I admire you for realizing that you had erred and for keeping your second ds intact.







I do think some of us in the intactivist movement get so emotional that we hurt our cause.

To my fellow intactivists: Please remember that almost all parents who circumcise do so believing that they are doing their sons a favor. If you live in an area where all the men are circ'ed--your dad is, your brothers are, your dh/dp is--it will seem natural to have your ds circ'ed, too. Imagine their shock and horror when they get on the internet and learn the truth--that not only is circumcision NOT a beneficial procedure, it is one that downright HARMS men and boys. This is a painful truth to swallow. Most mothers will process this emotionally, but some, like KermitMissesJim, will process it mentally. By doing so, she came to leave her second son intact. And really, folks, that is the outcome we desire. She doesn't have to shed tears to correct her mistake.


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## KermitMissesJim

And, Peppermint, I wrote my post so I could work through what I was feeling and see to what degree I do regret it.

What does it profit any of us to constantly flog ourselves over it? Can't we express regret (here, as invited) and then leave our regret behind?

As for what I stole from him and his wife...he doesn't have a foreskin. He won't know what he's missing. My husband doesn't know what he's missing. I don't know what I'm missing. We're perfectly content. I suppose if he and his brother have in-depth conversations about their sexual activities it could come up, and I could apologize to him then. His wife may or may not know what she is missing.

I regret neither doing the research nor making an informed medical decision for my oldest son. But I'm going to model a healthy way of dealing with that regret for all of my children. I'm going to forgive myself.


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## KermitMissesJim

Thank you for you compassionate words, njeb.


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## mr_faithhopelove

KMJ you said it just right...

I circumsized my son and of course regret it but am I crazy for being happy that he has a very loose circumcision????







:


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## njeb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KermitMissesJim* 
Thank you for you compassionate words, njeb.

You're welcome.








I like what you said about forgiving yourself, too. Sometimes forgiving yourself is harder than forgiving someone else. Good for you for modeling that for your children.


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## rachaelmomma

I am crying right now as I read everyones responses to this thread. I have two boys, both circed. With my first, I really didn't realize that it was a big deal, after all, I had never seen foreskin, so why did they need it? My husbands penis was fine, so would my boys. Never had another thought about it until I got pregnant with #2. I did a ton of research this time around, I was determined that this birth be better than my last due to lack of information about procedures. I only read a little bit about circ, and asked my hubby about it. He said the child would be made fun of etc and end up wanting it done when he was older, so why not save him the pain, and do it when he couldn't remember. I hadn't researched it too much, so I just let it go. I remember after he was born, I had all these emotions. This time, his penis didn't look funny to me (I thought my first son's looked funny before they circed him...stupid I know) he was perfect. I asked my husband again if he was sure he wanted it done, and he said yes. I wished I had listened as every fiber in my being screamed to not let them do it... After the intial sleep period, my son cried for days and days. It got infected. It was horrible. Since his birth, I have started to do TONS of research, and I can't believe what I allowed them to do to my boys! How dare I think I can make that kind of decision for my children? I have a lot of anger towards myself for letting it happen and not doing the research to back my intial feelings. I feel as if I have scarred my boys for life because of my ingnorance to the facts. Please tell your friend that she needs to research everything before making the decision to do it or not to do it, so she doesn't have to deal with the guilt and shame like so many of the mommies here. When and if we have another boy, he will NOT be cut!


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KermitMissesJim* 
As for what I stole from him and his wife...he doesn't have a foreskin. He won't know what he's missing. My husband doesn't know what he's missing. I don't know what I'm missing. We're perfectly content. I suppose if he and his brother have in-depth conversations about their sexual activities it could come up, and I could apologize to him then. His wife may or may not know what she is missing...

I *really* hope you talk to him and tell him what he is missing and how wrong circ is regardless of his in-depth conversations with his brother. It will be absolutely awful if he thinks it's fine either way and decide to mutilate his sons to match their daddy...


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## Papai

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rachaelmomma* 
I am crying right now as I read everyones responses to this thread. I have two boys, both circed. With my first, I really didn't realize that it was a big deal, after all, I had never seen foreskin, so why did they need it? My husbands penis was fine, so would my boys. Never had another thought about it until I got pregnant with #2. I did a ton of research this time around, I was determined that this birth be better than my last due to lack of information about procedures. I only read a little bit about circ, and asked my hubby about it. He said the child would be made fun of etc and end up wanting it done when he was older, so why not save him the pain, and do it when he couldn't remember. I hadn't researched it too much, so I just let it go. I remember after he was born, I had all these emotions. This time, his penis didn't look funny to me (I thought my first son's looked funny before they circed him...stupid I know) he was perfect. I asked my husband again if he was sure he wanted it done, and he said yes. I wished I had listened as every fiber in my being screamed to not let them do it... After the intial sleep period, my son cried for days and days. It got infected. It was horrible. Since his birth, I have started to do TONS of research, and I can't believe what I allowed them to do to my boys! How dare I think I can make that kind of decision for my children? I have a lot of anger towards myself for letting it happen and not doing the research to back my intial feelings. I feel as if I have scarred my boys for life because of my ingnorance to the facts. Please tell your friend that she needs to research everything before making the decision to do it or not to do it, so she doesn't have to deal with the guilt and shame like so many of the mommies here. When and if we have another boy, he will NOT be cut!









:

That sounds horrible, I'm sorry.

What did the doctors and your husband say after he got infections? What kind did he have? MRSA?


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## Peppermint

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KermitMissesJim* 
And, Peppermint, I wrote my post so I could work through what I was feeling and see to what degree I do regret it.

My post wasn't only aimed at you.







:
I do think one *must* regret it, and move on. I think regret is important and not a wasted emotion, but also not something to dwell on daily.

I regret failing at nursing my firstborn, I regret not VBAC with #2, I regret circ.ing my first son. These regrets do not stop me from living a wonderfully happy life with my family, but they do help me to understand other mama's "mistakes" and not be too hard on people. The regrets also encourage me to be an activist.

Someday I will apologize to my son for what was done to him with my permission, in hopes to spare any kids he will someday have.

Regret is a good emotion to have, IMO. It sparks change and action, forces us to be more careful with other decisions, etc.


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## Nathan1097

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KermitMissesJim* 
And, Peppermint, I wrote my post so I could work through what I was feeling and see to what degree I do regret it.

What does it profit any of us to constantly flog ourselves over it? Can't we express regret (here, as invited) and then leave our regret behind?

As for what I stole from him and his wife...he doesn't have a foreskin. He won't know what he's missing. My husband doesn't know what he's missing. I don't know what I'm missing. We're perfectly content. I suppose if he and his brother have in-depth conversations about their sexual activities it could come up, and I could apologize to him then. His wife may or may not know what she is missing.

I regret neither doing the research nor making an informed medical decision for my oldest son. But I'm going to model a healthy way of dealing with that regret for all of my children. I'm going to forgive myself.

It sounds like you are afraid to know what you and he are missing sexually? Am I reading that right?


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## A&A

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelachristin* 
When it was over I came back in. My baby's foreskin was there on the table and the doctor asked us if we wanted to keep it. Yes I wanted to keep it...on my baby.

What a horribly evil doctor!!! How dare he ask you this after he cut it off!!! I'm so sorry you were faced with this vileness.


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## mommie2bryce

I actually regret that I spent hours researching the perfect swing and no time reseraching circ's. Then he got penile adhesions at 3 months and the research that followed sickens me.

I wouldn't circumcise if I could do it all over again, but I try not to call it regret. If I knew then what I know now I would not have done it. I try to remember that I made a decision based on the knoweldge that I had at the time - which was not enough.

Does that make sense?


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## fruitful womb

Please don't do what I did. I was STUPID! I let the doctor lie to me. I HATE HATE HATE her for harming my son. He was tongue tied and I was having a lot of problems breastfeeding. The Lactation Consultant said I should have it clipped but I'd need a referral. At his one week check up I asked for one. She went ballistic. And I'm not kidding! She said I'd have to find a different doctor because clipping the tongue wasn't medically necessary. Our new pediatrician is a Jew and he took one look at my ds's buried penis, heard me say, "I really didn't want to do this but my husband was adamant that it be done." he said, "Circumcision isn't medically necessary." I almost fainted."

I did a ton of research after that appointment and I feel so so bad for what I allowed happen to my poor newborn. I have nightmares to this day for what he endured. After learning the truth and of course the damage is already done. He can't ever get his foreskin back. I feel so sick. Please, don't do this. Please. Its been almost 8 yrs now. I'm STILL regretting it! Its aweful. Don't allow this to happen to your perfect son. GROW A STRONG BACK BONE!!!! PROTECT YOUR BABY!!! THEY JUST WANT TO TORTURE YOUR PRECIOUS NEWBORN'S PENIS!!!! AND GET MONEY!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET THEM DO THAT TO YOUR BABY!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!


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## WillyMom

I have a one year old DS, he is circumcised and I regret it deeply!


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## GinaNY

I couldn't even finish reading the 1st page of this thread. My DH stopped the circumsision at birth to think about it. I was surprised and hopeful. Then we decided to do it. My father and brother and uncles are not circumsised and yet EVERYONE was telling me to do it. I felt no one was supporting me and that MAYBE I was wrong. I blame myself. I knew it wasn't necessary, but DH insisted he liked being circ'd. He was circumsised at 15 or so







: and it sounded horrible. Anyway he said he didn't want his DS to have to go through that later. When the pediatrician came in to tell me she was happy she got tto see my DS and check him before he was "strapped down" I LOST IT! I wanted to run down the hall and stop it!! I cried uncontrollably for a long time. He came back with a betrayed look on his face. I let them hurt him and I will never forgive myself I knew better. Everyone can flame me. No one can hurt me more than I have already hurt myself and my DS.


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## jessjgh1

Gina- this is not a place for flaming, but for support, information, and even activism... If you can turn your regret around and help other parents fight for their son, then we are moving forward in a better direction.










Jessica


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## starry_mama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peppermint* 
My post wasn't only aimed at you.







:
I do think one *must* regret it, and move on. I think regret is important and not a wasted emotion, but also not something to dwell on daily.

I regret failing at nursing my firstborn, I regret not VBAC with #2, I regret circ.ing my first son. These regrets do not stop me from living a wonderfully happy life with my family, but they do help me to understand other mama's "mistakes" and not be too hard on people. The regrets also encourage me to be an activist.

Someday I will apologize to my son for what was done to him with my permission, in hopes to spare any kids he will someday have.

Regret is a good emotion to have, IMO. It sparks change and action, forces us to be more careful with other decisions, etc.


As a mother who has a circed son and regrets it a lot, this really struck a cord with me. HOW do you not regret it every day? And HOW do you move on? I have an intact son also, so its hard for me NOT to see the hrrors of what I've done, ya know?


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## Mommy Piadosa

my oldest was adopted- so he came circ'd - wish he wasn't but no regrets.
with my next boy i cried begged and pleaded with his dad to not have it done, but i beleived in "head of the household" stuff that the church was teaching so i allowed it to be done. looking back i see how sick and wrong that is, to allow my child to have a body part removed due to false teaching!!! it cannot be undone, and it breaks my heart. especially since their dad has passed away and so cannot explain it to ds.
i have since had another son with another man who was adamant in his stance too, only PRAISE GOD- his stance is one of genital integrity.
in some ways the joy of leaving ds intact is mingled with the grief of allowing the false doctrine of wifely submission cause me to allow my other son to be mutilated.


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## solareyna

I considered posting this in the regular threads but I wanted it to be availableto be seen by those that were thinking about what to do and came here. I was young and uneducated when I had my baby, I did not even know I had a choice over whether to circumcise or not. I could not afford it right after the birth and so I waited until my son was six weeks old to circumcize him. They would not let me stay in the room with him, I went to the waiting room and sat there crying because I could hear him screaming in the back. It wasn't visible until he "grew out" a little more that the dr messed it up or maybe it was visible but I just never noticed due to being uneducated in that area. (







) But now its obvious at age 4 that something went horribly wrong. The foreskin was only partially removed and there is a large flap of skin that just bunches up on the head of his penis, its like all the remaining foreskin got gathered in one place and is just there (its still attached but its just not right). Its hard to describe but I know its not right. I have brought it up to drs before and they kind of turn away and won't discuss it. Only one dr was brave enough to say anything and the only option of course was surgery which I refused to do. Of course my son doesn't know any different now but I am dreading with all my being the day when he comes to me and asks me why his penis looks so much different than everyone else's. I really don't know what I am going to tell him but I know if I ever have another boy it will never happen again.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

The foreskin that was left is a good thing. It may look odd now but as he grows and it detatches over time he will have more skin to grow into. Hopefully enough that he dosnt suffere from tight erections.


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## Mallori

Just adding my name to the list, hoping it will save another from regret. My post would be exactly like Rachaels, with exception of infection, we didn't have that issue with ds's.

The only thing I can do now is pass on what i've learned, and advocate that my someday grandchildren will be left to make their own choices.

Rachael


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## triplembride

everytime this subject comes up i get a sick feeling in my stomach...i wish everyday and everytime i change his diaper that i could take it all back...i've cried and cried and cried my eyes out over me sending him to the butcher shop and i've come to realize that now that i know better than to mutulate my son I WILL NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN! and if i know anyone who is...i'm going to do my best to educate and only that can even remotely begin to make me come to terms with myself

I REGRET CIRCUMCIZING MY SON!


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## Papai

Quote:


Originally Posted by *triplembride* 
everytime this subject comes up i get a sick feeling in my stomach...i wish everyday and everytime i change his diaper that i could take it all back...i've cried and cried and cried my eyes out over me sending him to the butcher shop and i've come to realize that now that i know better than to mutulate my son I WILL NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN! and if i know anyone who is...i'm going to do my best to educate and only that can even remotely begin to make me come to terms with myself

I REGRET CIRCUMCIZING MY SON!











I'm sorry your son was circumcised but I'm glad you won't do it to any future sons.


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## Ron_Low

I recorded a musical apology from a father to a son:






Lyrics (to the tune of Unchained Melody):

Oh, my boy, my baby
How I waited for your touch
Welcome perfect child

As time goes by I'm sorry
But I was told so much
Please say you're fine

Have I lost your love?
Can you rise above?
Uncut your love
For me

If you could regrow let it be, let it be
With persistence just wait and see
All the tuggers know it's worthwhile and nearly free
Healing for the soul let it be

Oh, my boy, my baby
Your wound hurts me so much
How best to restore?

As time goes by I'm sorry
But I have learned so much
Please say we're fine

Have I lost your love?
Can you rise above?
Uncut your love
For me


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## Frootloop

My only son will be 14 yrs old next week. He was born in 1993 in a small town in Tennessee and circumcised the day after his birth. To be totally honest, I never gave a moment's thought to it. BUT, allow me to explain. I'll _try_ to make this brief.

I was 18 yrs old and fresh out of high school.. and still immature as hell. My son was conceived while on birth control pills (_and_ a broken condom - miracle child, I swear). I wasn't ready for him and almost felt detached from him even though he was inside my womb. I was a bit shunned by my nearby family members and pretty much relied on my mother for information (which really wasn't the smartest thing to do). "Mom, do you think I should *do this*?".. "Mom, should I *do that*?". I stupidly made no decisions for myself and my son's sperm donor of a father was completely absent. I didn't feel like a mother-to-be, I felt like a kid having a baby.. life would go on for me afterward, right? (please do not judge me for this, I love my son more than words can say)

I was induced because I was a week overdue and my blood pressure was up. After 27 hours of hard labor and 2 hours of hard pushing, it was determined that he was coming out face-up and was stuck. I was immediately taken into the operating room, given general anesthesia (I had only had demerol up to this point), and luckily, he was able to be pulled out with forceps. He was born a little after noon.

It was a couple hours before he was brought to me. My family had already seen him before I had. I was _really_ out of it for that first day. I had visitors all day and I barely remember any of it even though I have many pictures of us all together. I vaguely remember trying to breastfeed him.

That night, I was woken up by a nurse for a temperature check. It was almost 104 degrees. It was ordered that DS was to be taken off the breast immediately (that's a whole other story there.. grr). It was determined that I had a severe uterine infection (that no one knew the cause of). I was _very_ very sick and in quite a bit of pain over the next few days. I spent a total of 8 days in the hospital.

I can honestly say that I don't remember being asked about circumcision AT ALL. I don't remember signing anything and I don't remember discussing it with anyone. I don't even remember what his penis looked like before he was circumcised. That's how out of it I was. I just remember opening his diaper at some point and being shocked after seeing his bloody penis. I asked my mom _(insert eye roll here)_ what the heck happened to him and she said, "oh, he was just circumcised, no biggie, he's fine".

And that was that..

I hadn't really given much thought to circumcision since then.. Oh, I'd heard random conversations here and there about how "uncircumcised penises are nasty" and "ew this" and "ew that", but that was about it.

About 8 yrs ago when I was changing my step-nephew's diaper, I saw that he looked different. I have to admit that my first reaction was somewhat like, "ummm, what the heck is that?". My brother told me that his mother hadn't had him circumcised. "umm, ok". I was actually confused because at that point, I still didn't know what exactly had been done to my son.. and my nephew's penis didn't look all "gross" as I'd heard uncirc'd penises did. But, I still didn't research it. It was already done to my son right? I couldn't change that.

Everything changed in my mind a few months ago. It started out with reading a topic about circumcision in a myspace group. I went into the thread completely clueless, but not really expecting to learn anything. WRONG.

I have since researched circ, seen pictures of the process, watched videos, etc. I am actually completely in shock over all of this. *That* is what was done to *my* son!!!!! *That* is what was done to *all* circumcised baby boys. It absolutely disgusts me and to be blunt, pisses me right off. The guilt I feel is enormous. Had I not been such a naive teenager.. had I asked questions.. had I researched on my own.. had I only been MATURE about my pregnancy with him. So many "what ifs" plague me now.

I'm not just angry with myself, though. I am completely *livid* at the doctors and nurses because of the fact that I wasn't properly informed prior to having this done. I was *NOT* in the right state of mind to make that kind of a decision. It shouldn't have been done to begin with, but it most definately should *NOT* have been done without my clear-minded and _informed_ consent. But it was.

I'm so sorry for the long-winded story, but I really needed to get this out of me.

Bottom line.. *I ABSOLUTELY 100% REGRET THAT MY SON WAS CIRCUMCISED.* The guilt that I feel is horrible. I'm now an intactivist.


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## Papai

Wow. What a sad but interesting story FrootLoop.

I'm glad you've decided to join us though.


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## Frootloop

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Papai* 
Wow. What a sad but interesting story FrootLoop.

I'm glad you've decided to join us though.


Thank you very much


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## mamasophy

You know, William Stowell is suing the hospital where he was born and circ'd for a very similar story - his mother was so out of it that she couldn't have given informed consent to circ.


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## hamletsjadedlover

i gave into my husbands whishes on the circumsicion of my son and have regretted it since day one







they brought my now mutilated son back to me while he was sobbing until he couldnt breathe. it just broke my heart







we had been advised by 2 people that if you didnt do it that it would lead to an infection causing it to be removed when he was older and then its considered major surgery







i hate myself for letting it happen


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## mamasophy




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## kerikadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starry_mama* 
As a mother who has a circed son and regrets it a lot, this really struck a cord with me. HOW do you not regret it every day? And HOW do you move on? I have an intact son also, so its hard for me NOT to see the hrrors of what I've done, ya know?

I have apologized to my sons. I have cried and cried but they have forgiven me. I regret it that is for sure. When you know better, you do better. My story isn't any more moving than the others already posted. Until I was 29 I had never met a single man that I knew wasn't circumcised so, of course, it was 'normal' to me.

I can move on because I have been forgiven, that helps.

Keri


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## GinaRae

My own story is in here too. All of my sons are circ'ed and I regret it dearly. The last one I wasn't going to circ but wasn't prepared for the evil doctor. NOW I am prepared - if this is a boy, he will be intact.

But *I'm having a problem with my 6 year old son's circ*. I looked all over MDC and wasn't sure where to post this, so I was hoping someone could send me a PM or a quick note here to tell me where to go for advice or just to give me some.

We all know how a circ'ed penis on a lil boy will kind of disappear in the fat folds behind the circ line (can't for the life of me get my brain to work this morning to use correct terminology).

At the top is this area that is more open than the rest in a crescent shape. You really have to pull it open to see what's going on there and it's very uncomfortable for my son.

For YEARS we've dealt with it getting red and fierce looking, itching and causing pain, and sometimes getting gunky because it doesn't get cleaned out like the rest of his body due to it's hiding under fat pads.

He'd been grabbing himself more recently so I looked at it this morning and it had some hair/lint trapped, was reddened, etc..

I can clean it out a bit and stick some natural cream we have in there that really helps heal quickly, but it keeps happening. And it's very uncomfortable for him!

Shall I just keep treating it until it grows to the point where hopefully it can stay clean or we can see if this is a major damage problem that will require fixing *shudder* or shall I take him into the docs now? I can refuse anything I don't like, but I hate to put him thru the discomfort and the possibility that the doc wants to do some stitching or something. She's a decent doctor and when I asked her about this baby being intact she smiled and said, "Hey, it saves me from having to do it!"

I am SO angry with myself for being bullied by that OBGYN 6 years ago in my pregnancy, birth and most importantly, in regards to my son's penis. I will never ever let anyone lead me blindly again.

I told two of the boys this morning never ever get their children circ'ed and I plan to advocate for my grandkids heavily









Sorry to post this here, I just don't know where else on MDC to go for advice from a whole group who has circ'ed and without getting "yelled at."


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## utopia760

my son was circed and i regret it dearly dh told me he wanted it and i did not research it at all now that i know about it i will never do it again to another son. i feel terrible that the decision i made will affect him forever


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## carriebft

Ginarae- I think there are others on MDC who have had your experience. If you post it in the main area you will probably get a lot of advice and support!


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

:


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## ecstaticmama24

I have 2 sons (and 1 daughter). My oldest son is cut, and my youngest is not. I circumsized my first son without knowing all the risks/benefits because I thought that was just what I was supposed to do (I had never even seen an intact penis).

From the moment my son was brought back to me after the surgery I knew I made a huge mistake. The pain I could see in his face, and the high pitched scream/cry that I had never heard before made me well aware that I did something to him that I had no right to. Of course he pooped and I had to change his diaper right away which was a horrible experience for him and myself.

That was the day I started on a downward spiral suffering from PPD, started smoking/drinking, stopped nursing very shortly after the surgery and lived with a colicky fussy baby from there on in.

Anyways, that said and done, there's nothing I can do about it now, but will I do it again, no. With my second son I told my SO that he could have him circumsized, but he would have to take him in, not me. Then, once my son was born I couldn't bear the thought of it. So I became very protective and I also printed off all the stats/facts on circumsision, and told my SO that he would have to read ALL of it before I let him take my baby to be cut. I was very emotional over the whole thing and finally he managed to see things for what they were, unneccesary. I mean, if we wouldn't even do the routine treatments directly after his birth (vit K, eye treatment) why would we opt for an esthetic surgery?

There's my 2 cents, and thanks for making it this far.


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## lovnbnhome

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ajohnson45* 
I have 2 sons (and 1 daughter). My oldest son is cut, and my youngest is not. I circumsized my first son without knowing all the risks/benefits because I thought that was just what I was supposed to do (I had never even seen an intact penis).

From the moment my son was brought back to me after the surgery I knew I made a huge mistake. The pain I could see in his face, and the high pitched scream/cry that I had never heard before made me well aware that I did something to him that I had no right to. Of course he pooped and I had to change his diaper right away which was a horrible experience for him and myself.

Anyways, that said and done, there's nothing I can do about it now, but will I do it again, no. With my second son I told my SO that he could have him circumsized, but he would have to take him in, not me. Then, once my son was born I couldn't bear the thought of it. So I became very protective and I also printed off all the stats/facts on circumsision, and told my SO that he would have to read ALL of it before I let him take my baby to be cut. I was very emotional over the whole thing and finally he managed to see things for what they were, unneccesary. I mean, if we wouldn't even do the routine treatments directly after his birth (vit K, eye treatment) why would we opt for an esthetic surgery?

There's my 2 cents, and thanks for making it this far.









Wow this could be me writing... ds1 is cut and I am so sorry for it. It will not happen to another of my children under my watch.


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## columbusmomma

DS is circ'd and I regret it so much. I honestly didn't know about having a choice, complications, the emotional and physical aspects. I had never seen an intact man, boy, or, baby. NEVER EVER AGAIN. I am sorry Jacob.


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## Papai

Quote:


Originally Posted by *columbusmomma* 
DS is circ'd and I regret it so much. I honestly didn't know about having a choice, complications, the emotional and physical aspects. I had never seen an intact man, boy, or, baby. NEVER EVER AGAIN. I am sorry Jacob.















































Did he suffer from any complications?


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## columbusmomma

Fortunately no(physical). We can talk about emotional when the time comes







:


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *columbusmomma* 
Fortunately no(physical). We can talk about emotional when the time comes







:

You probably mean no surgical complications, because every single circ does cause life long physical complications/damage (keratinization, lost of sensitivity, less pleasure during sex for _both_ partners, need of an artificial lubricant since the head of the penis becomes dry, etc.)&#8230;


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## starry_mama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
You probably mean no surgical complications, because every single circ does cause life long physical complications/damage (keratinization, lost of sensitivity, less pleasure during sex for _both_ partners, need of an artificial lubricant since the head of the penis becomes dry, etc.)&#8230;

Ya know, this is a thread for mothers who REGRET what they did. Please remember that and try to be a little sensitive of our feelings. I'm pretty sure we all know the lifelong complications circ has.







:


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starry_mama* 
Ya know, this is a thread for mothers who REGRET what they did. Please remember that and try to be a little respectful of our feelings. I'm pretty sure we all know the lifelong complications circ has.







:

You are right. And I do feel very very sorry for mothers who did circ and later on realized how horrible circ is. I just really wanted to mention it for those who will be reading this thread trying to decide whether to circ or not. What I said was said with no anger toward the mom. I simply corrected the statement that I thought was very incorrect and could lead others seeking for info to some wrong ideas.

I can only imagine what a heartbreaking pain you guys are going through and I am really sorry.
yulia.


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## columbusmomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
You probably mean no surgical complications, because every single circ does cause life long physical complications/damage (keratinization, lost of sensitivity, less pleasure during sex for _both_ partners, need of an artificial lubricant since the head of the penis becomes dry, etc.)&#8230;

Yes, no surgical complications


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## columbusmomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starry_mama* 
Ya know, this is a thread for mothers who REGRET what they did. Please remember that and try to be a little sensitive of our feelings. I'm pretty sure we all know the lifelong complications circ has.







:









:








We do and we will regret it for a life time







:


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## guestmama9908

Quote:


Originally Posted by *columbusmomma* 







:








We do and we will regret it for a life time







:









So sorry Mama! I know your pain all too well.


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## columbusmomma

Hugs Momma! I too am an RN and never saw the horrific procedure and my heart goes out to you. Nurses need to be informed!!! Then we can advocate for families to do their research. Much love to you and your family!


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## JennaW

I just want to thank everyone for this thread. I do not have any children yet, but DH & I are TTC. Like others, I always felt circ seemed "not right" but was definately not passionate about it, per say. I had talked to DH about it a couple months ago and said, "You know, if we were to have a little boy, I don't think I would want to circ." DH is circ and he went on to say how he thinks its important that a son look like his Dad and I just brushed it off. But after reading this thread, I brought it up again to DH and let him know that I am convinced it is wrong and that nobody would be bringing a knife to my baby's body to cut part of it off. I was surprised because DH actually said, "When you put it that way, it does seem wrong." Then he went on to say how some friends of ours who just had a baby boy did circ and the Dad said he slept through the whole thing. I told DH, "Does that seem normal?", I think he probably went into shock." Anyway, DH is on board with me now. I am so thankful this resource was here for me.

The picture is so much clearer now, circ does not make sense. I always thought DH's erection looked painful and now I know why. Its not meant to be that way. According to him it is not painful but he was never even given the oppurtunity to know otherwise. If I have a son, I want him to have the best life I can give him and now I know that no circ, is one of the ways I can do that.

Thank you again.


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## fruitful womb

Jenna! I'm thrilled your with us!


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## Serendipity

i had my son circd, i am so guilt ridden about it now i can't stand it.


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## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *granolapunk* 
i had my son circd, i am so guilt ridden about it now i can't stand it.

















My first ds was circ'd too.







: When you know better you do better. It sucks for us to feel this unrelenting guilt that haunts us but just know that ppl who have circ'd their ds's and do not yet feel remorse, you can be an advocate for their future ds's. They're likely to listen to us. Love on that baby boy of yours mama... I know what your going through.







: When the time is right, your dh or you can suggest restoration. Thats what we plan to do for our ds.
In the mean time, allow your self to heal and the best way I've found to do that is through saving other boys. The activism does wonders!









~FW


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## Motherwolf

My two sons are both circumcized. I deeply regret doing so. I had done no research on this topic, and had left this one decision up to dad. ( I don't blame him, he is uninformed about this topic as well.) I had the most trouble with son #2. The skin kept wanting to re-attach itself, even if I cleaned it daily. I had to then pull the skin apart a little, otherwise it would be pulled too taut, and cause pain. Not to mention look deformed.
Also, with both boys after the circ was performed, fell into a deep sleep and it was hard to rouse either to nurse.
I guess the other thing that bothered me was the doctor came in wanting to perform the circ while I was in the middle of nursing. I had really just started nursing, and because I asked her to come back, she said she could not do it that day, and was a witch about it. So, I became passive and allowed her to perform the circ, even though my baby had not gotten to eat. I will regret that decision forever. I was so proud of myself for having a healthy, problem-free pregnancy. I was in labor two hours, pushed four times, medicine free...and then I folded when it came to this. Please at least research before you make your decision. The lady before shows a lot of research that one needs to read about. Good luck!


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## mysweetw&e

I came to this thread for the first time about 8 months ago and it has taken me this long to be able to post my story. I know it will be long, but I think it will be healing to get it out.

When I was pg I never really connected with the baby. We wanted a baby, but I know it didn't really "get" what having a baby meant, although I guess that can be said of all first time moms to a degree. We didn't find out the gender, although I was sure it was a girl. Some things I researched (sort of) like how to have a drug-free birth. I never even glanced at vaxes, figured the doc wouldn't recommend it if it wasn't the best for our child. And I never looked into circumcision either, I figured since dh had a penis he could decide, and trusting that the doctor knew best again.

After he was born and nursing and I could touch him, I think I was in shock. It took me a week before it hit me that no one was going to take him away if I screwed up, taking care of him was solely up to me and dh. Too bad I didn't have that realization earlier. . .

He was 24 hrs old. We wanted to go home early but they said they couldn't do the circ until he was 24 hrs, so we stayed until they could do it. We both went in with him. I know I had the attitude that it was best for him, it would hurt and all but we were doing what was best. Hah. I wish I had known. He cried when they strapped him down. I stroked his arm and talked to him. He was so small and tiny, so frail on the board. Big round chest and belly, little arms grasping out for me. He was just learning how to breathe, how to nurse, how to stay warm. He was supposed to be learning that the world is a safe, warm, loving place where his needs would be met. Instead he was strapped to a cold, hard board and was about to be scarred on the most personal, intimate, vulnerable level. Safe world indeed.







He screamed when they gave him the shots of anesthesia. The doc waited a bit and poked him with something, I can't remember what, to make sure he was numb. He was. The doc brought out this clamp thing with dials and two parts. . . I can't remember exactly how it went, but I know I was surprised and had a sinking feeling when I saw how forcefully he had to pull the foreskin back with the tools that he had. I thought it would pull back easily and maybe be like trimming some extra skin from an earlobe or something, I have no idea what I thought. The thought popped into my head that maybe we didn't really have to do this, it seemed so harsh and extreme. But I kept pressing my feelings aside, reminding myself that we were doing what was best for him. I wouldn't let myself feel doubt, pushed back any tears that were thinking of starting. The doc finally got the foreskin loose, put on the clamp, and cut off the skin that was sticking out. Then he stood back, crossed his arms easily, and started chatting with us about the weather or something stupid. Deep down I was crying out "The weather? Look at what you're doing to my baby, this is serious! See him laying here, sprawled out on the table with that huge metal thing stuck on him! And you want to talk about the weather?!?!?!" I talked to ds and stroked his arm, ignoring the crying out coming from deep within me. After awhile the doc took off the clamp, checked the circ, put some ointment and gauze on it, and told us we were free to go. There was no bleeding, just a lot of redness. They said he'd be sore, and I was careful when I changed his diaper but sometimes he would cry and I'd think "Oh, poor guy, you're still sore". And now I think back on it and realize he wasn't sore! He was in horrible pain! How awful he must have felt after the anesthesia wore off! Geez I needed pain relievers for a few days after slicing my finger and needing stitches. And they cut off the *most senstitive part* of him, that must have ached horribly for ages! Did I give him any pain reliever? No, afterall, he was just a _little sore_. My poor baby! All the pain I put you through, and I had no idea, all for no good reason!

So we went home. And I really never even thought of it, except those few times when, at the age of 3 or 4, he would say "Mama, it hurts when my penis gets big". And then I read the article in Mothering about FGM, and it said something to the effect of "You may think you're doing your part by being an intactavist for boys in the US. . ." and I was shocked. How could you even compare the two? One is horrible mutilation done to girls, and the other is no big deal and done to boys. People have been circing boys since forever. And then I started reading. And crying. And regretting it with every fiber of my being exactly what I did to my precious boy, what I took away from him without permission. And fearing that they took off too much and that's why it hurts him to have an erection sometimes. And just disgusted at the whole stupid practice and propaganda and MARKET!?!? for foreskins, and that nobody told me there was a reason for the foreskin and he would have been better keeping it, and disgusted at myself for not realizing that if he was born with it then there was probably a purpose for it.

We have another little one coming in March. We don't know for sure but I think he's a boy. He will be born at home, away from the needles and scalpels and tiny little boards where they strap babies down and take away important body parts without a thought. He will remain peaceful and intact. And I will explain to my older son, who will be 5, that we just didn't know and did what we thought was best for him. And hope he forgives me. I have realized that I put a wall up between us that day, in an attempt to not feel all the excruciating pain that I was putting him through. Now that I've realized it's there I'm trying to tear it down. But we've already lost so much time, all because of a stupid, uneducated decision. One that will affect him the rest of his life, even if he never has "problems" from it.


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## carriebft

thank you for your stories


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## Ron_Low

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysweetw&e* 
I will explain to my older son, who will be 5, that we just didn't know and did what we thought was best for him. And hope he forgives me.

As with anything unfortunate or regrettable, there is grieving to work through. It looks like you have put in the effort to start moving on. I hate that I'm cut, and 7 years after I discovered restoration I still grieve in spurts occassionally, but you just have to look ahead and live your best life from this day on. Smile.

-Ron


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## veganf

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysweetw&e* 
I came to this thread for the first time about 8 months ago and it has taken me this long to be able to post my story. I know it will be long, but I think it will be healing to get it out.

What a powerful story. Thank you for sharing it here. I hope that it educates anyone considering circumcision in the future.
And congratulations on the upcoming birth of your new baby!


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## mysweetw&e

Thanks for the replies.







I keep adding bits and pieces because I feel like it's missing something, like it doesn't do the experience justice, for either of us. I would love if it educated someone in the future and saved a little boy.

I am healing, thank you. The fact that I could actually write it out shows just how far I've come. I feel more like I can move on now.

And thanks for the congrats! Actually I think this little one has helped push me towards healing more. There are things I need to take care of before he/she enters the world, yk?


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## jessjgh1

There are other boards if you (or others) are interested in sharing your stories.

This is a powerful thread, I always wish I could link to it on other boards, especially with mpms that are receptive or feeling pressured. I KNOW how much it helped me.

((hugs))


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## Dan Bollinger

blOUCH! they weblog for Project Ouch! collects and archives stories like the ones in this thread. Please, post your stories there, too: blOUCH!


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## SunnieP

My son's foreskin keeps reattaching, should I let it? The Ped keeps retracting it. It all seeems wrong. What would be the problem with letting it reattach itself and leaving it alone? I regret it anyway!


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## carriebft

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SunnieP* 
My son's foreskin keeps reattaching, should I let it? The Ped keeps retracting it. It all seeems wrong. What would be the problem with letting it reattach itself and leaving it alone? I regret it anyway!











Generally our advice is to leave it alone. But there are two routes you can go. Ripping back the skin is very painful for the boy and also risks bleeding and infection. You could leave it alone (and there are numerous studies showing that most adhesions release on their own by puberty and require no forcing.

The other route you could take is to not let the reahere by applying vaseline. However, if you choose to go this method, you may be applying vaseline for 1-2 years.

For this reason and the risks of adhesions still reforming, we usually recommend you go with path A and just leave it alone.


----------



## 2crazykids

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SunnieP* 
My son's foreskin keeps reattaching, should I let it? The Ped keeps retracting it. It all seeems wrong. What would be the problem with letting it reattach itself and leaving it alone? I regret it anyway!

You should repost this question as a new thread on the regular CAC board to get as many knowledgeable responses as possible.

In the meantime. Is you son circed? If he is what your ped is doing could cause him more damage. How old is your son. Forcible retracting is ALWAYS a bad idea.


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## SunnieP

OK which forum and how exactly do I get there?


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## carriebft

the page that you found this thread on, just scroll down a bit to the actual threads section (this is the stickie section- threads that get pinned so they dont disappear onto other pages). There's a button for "new thread" also just above the stickie section.


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## SunnieP

Thank you


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## Motherwolf

I wish I knew the answer to that too. Can you just let it reattatch? I need schooling!


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## RolliePollie

My son was circumcised. I didn't want him to be, but I let it happen. The guilt is killing me. I really make myself nauseous by thinking about it. I don't think I can get over it, ever. I HURTS SO BAD TO KNOW THAT I HURT MY BABY. I wish I could fix it. I'd do anything to fix it.


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## starry_mama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RolliePollie* 
My son was circumcised. I didn't want him to be, but I let it happen. The guilt is killing me. I really make myself nauseous by thinking about it. I don't think I can get over it, ever. I HURTS SO BAD TO KNOW THAT I HURT MY BABY. I wish I could fix it. I'd do anything to fix it.
























Oh mama, I know that feeling.


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## MSUmama

I just returned from the urologist with my three year old. I have been sick to my stomach since. After losing the circ. arguement with my dh, we have been asking his ped. about his penis not popping out of the skin since he was an infant. I switched all of the kids to a new family doctor in July and at my son's three year well check, he referred him to the urologist. He has surgery to remove adhesions on January 23. He'll have to have at least three more surgeries to repair the damage done by the circ. I only agreed to getting him circ'd in the first place to avoid him having to have it done later in life, as so many people pointed out would be more traumatic for him. I can't begin to explain how awful I feel. I regretted his circ. right away but now, this is the worst feeling I can imagine. I allowd him to be hurt as a newborn in hopes of preventing future procedures and he has to have those procedures anyway. Not to mention the fact that it is now causing him to have to delay potty training and preschool, which he is anxious to start. Regret is a huge burden to have to carry when it comes to your children...


----------



## tlh

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MSUmama* 
I just returned from the urologist with my three year old. I have been sick to my stomach since. After losing the circ. arguement with my dh, we have been asking his ped. about his penis not popping out of the skin since he was an infant. I switched all of the kids to a new family doctor in July and at my son's three year well check, he referred him to the urologist. He has surgery to remove adhesions on January 23. He'll have to have at least three more surgeries to repair the damage done by the circ. I only agreed to getting him circ'd in the first place to avoid him having to have it done later in life, as so many people pointed out would be more traumatic for him. I can't begin to explain how awful I feel. I regretted his circ. right away but now, this is the worst feeling I can imagine. I allowd him to be hurt as a newborn in hopes of preventing future procedures and he has to have those procedures anyway. Not to mention the fact that it is now causing him to have to delay potty training and preschool, which he is anxious to start. Regret is a huge burden to have to carry when it comes to your children...


at three years old your sons adhesions do not need to be broke.you do not need to have surgery on him.a unretractable foreskin is normal at this age.


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## MSUmama

The reason they are revoming the adhesions is that there was too much outer skin romoved during his circ and now the inner skin has adhered, it's turned inside out and burried his penis inside. There is a very noticeable scar when you push the extra skin back enough to see his penis. It's adhered so badly that it's preventing his penis from coming out of the skin as it grows and it's stuck inside the skin quite a bit. He's started to complain about it being painful and has said his "wee-wee can't open" more than once. He's also starting to hold it and pee massive amounts all at once, we are thinking because it's shoved up so far now that it's become difficult to pee. It's just a mess. My nephew has normal adhesions and my sister and I have discussed him not needing anything done with them but I think my son's situation is extreme and unusual.


----------



## Mommiska

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MSUmama* 
I just returned from the urologist with my three year old. I have been sick to my stomach since. After losing the circ. arguement with my dh, we have been asking his ped. about his penis not popping out of the skin since he was an infant. I switched all of the kids to a new family doctor in July and at my son's three year well check, he referred him to the urologist. He has surgery to remove adhesions on January 23. He'll have to have at least three more surgeries to repair the damage done by the circ. I only agreed to getting him circ'd in the first place to avoid him having to have it done later in life, as so many people pointed out would be more traumatic for him. I can't begin to explain how awful I feel. I regretted his circ. right away but now, this is the worst feeling I can imagine. I allowd him to be hurt as a newborn in hopes of preventing future procedures and he has to have those procedures anyway. Not to mention the fact that it is now causing him to have to delay potty training and preschool, which he is anxious to start. Regret is a huge burden to have to carry when it comes to your children...









, Mama. I'm so, so sorry.

As tlh has said, though, your son most likely does not need any further surgery. Taking off more skin will cause more damage.

The majority of circed boys (70%) experience adhesions. In most cases, these adhesions will release on their own as the boy gets older. The adhesions are the body's way of trying to heal itself - it is reattaching, because the foreskin is supposed to be attached to the glans in infancy/into childhood (and into the teenage years for some boys).

If these adhesions are left alone, they will release on their own - just as they would have if your son was intact. Conservative treatment is almost always the best option...

I'd recommend that you get in touch with a foreskin-friendly/knowledgeable doctor for a second opinion. Or perhaps get in touch with Marilyn Milos - she is always happy to help parents in these situations. I'm sure a second official medical opinion would reassure you that further surgery is not necessary, but you really need to find a doctor who is not pro-circ (because their answer to problems caused by cutting is invariably more cutting







)


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## carriebft

sounds like he may need some help to take care of all that is going on.







Let us know how he does.


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## l_olive

After reading your second post, it sounds very much like your son will probably need more help than the usual "just leave it alone" type of adhesions. I would definitely get a second opinion, though, and I would really make sure that the doc explains to you EXACTLY what s/he is going to do and EXACTLY why.

I'm so, so, so sorry that your son is going through this.


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommiska* 







, Mama. I'm so, so sorry.

As tlh has said, though, your son most likely does not need any further surgery. Taking off more skin will cause more damage...

I totally agree.
I'm very sorry for your little one...


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommiska* 
I'd recommend that you get in touch with a foreskin-friendly/knowledgeable doctor for a second opinion. Or perhaps get in touch with Marilyn Milos - she is always happy to help parents in these situations. I'm sure a second official medical opinion would reassure you that further surgery is not necessary, but you really need to find a doctor who is not pro-circ (because their answer to problems caused by cutting is invariably more cutting








)









:
you can also contact Doctors Opposing Circumcision
http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...t/contact.html


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## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MSUmama* 
The reason they are revoming the adhesions is that there was too much outer skin romoved during his circ and now the inner skin has adhered, it's turned inside out and burried his penis inside. There is a very noticeable scar when you push the extra skin back enough to see his penis. It's adhered so badly that it's preventing his penis from coming out of the skin as it grows and it's stuck inside the skin quite a bit. He's started to complain about it being painful and has said his "wee-wee can't open" more than once. He's also starting to hold it and pee massive amounts all at once, we are thinking because it's shoved up so far now that it's become difficult to pee. It's just a mess. My nephew has normal adhesions and my sister and I have discussed him not needing anything done with them but I think my son's situation is extreme and unusual.

I don't know if this helps but ds1 had a buried penis due to the ever zealous circumcision. He would SCREAM while holding his penis telling us his penis hurt. The uro said he has meatal stenosis. Could you rule out that? Surgery may be necessary for meatal stenosis. Its only prevalent in circumcised boys. I'm so sorry for what you guys are going through.


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## thixle

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...=1#post9913459

Thought you had started this thread here-- lots of good answers


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## Mommiska

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MSUmama* 
The reason they are revoming the adhesions is that there was too much outer skin romoved during his circ and now the inner skin has adhered, it's turned inside out and burried his penis inside. There is a very noticeable scar when you push the extra skin back enough to see his penis. It's adhered so badly that it's preventing his penis from coming out of the skin as it grows and it's stuck inside the skin quite a bit. He's started to complain about it being painful and has said his "wee-wee can't open" more than once. He's also starting to hold it and pee massive amounts all at once, we are thinking because it's shoved up so far now that it's become difficult to pee. It's just a mess. My nephew has normal adhesions and my sister and I have discussed him not needing anything done with them but I think my son's situation is extreme and unusual.

I'm so sorry - I think we cross-posted.

I would definitely recommend a second opinion from someone you know is opposed to circumcision. There might be a more conservative way to treat this condition (even if it involved more surgery, it might be a more conservative surgery, you know?).

Again - I am so sorry you and your son are dealing with this.


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## MSUmama

Thank you everyone for your concern and caring words. I didn't elaborate too much because for me this has been an ongoing situation and I know we've looked at every possibility. First, the change from a ped to the family practice doc we now see was based on my desire to not vax my now 5 month old and move towards more natural living all around. He is very non-intervention friendly and we go over everything ten times before we act on anything with any of my children. I trust him as much as I could possibly trust a doctor. He explained to me that almost all adhesions resolve on their own and he rarely feels the need to have them removed. The urologist we saw echoed that. I feel we've looked at every possibility and it has to be done. I feel terrible that he has to go through this, I can't even begin to explain how guilty I feel about this. I can't stop thinking about it. I started crying in the shower this morning and again as I was talking to the sitter about it when she came in this morning. I really hope anyone who is on the fence or leaning towards cirsumcision will see this and think again. I wish I could go back and change what we did to our sweet little guy.


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## calngavinsmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MSUmama* 
Thank you everyone for your concern and caring words. I didn't elaborate too much because for me this has been an ongoing situation and I know we've looked at every possibility. First, the change from a ped to the family practice doc we now see was based on my desire to not vax my now 5 month old and move towards more natural living all around. He is very non-intervention friendly and we go over everything ten times before we act on anything with any of my children. I trust him as much as I could possibly trust a doctor. He explained to me that almost all adhesions resolve on their own and he rarely feels the need to have them removed. The urologist we saw echoed that. I feel we've looked at every possibility and it has to be done. I feel terrible that he has to go through this, I can't even begin to explain how guilty I feel about this. I can't stop thinking about it. I started crying in the shower this morning and again as I was talking to the sitter about it when she came in this morning. I really hope anyone who is on the fence or leaning towards cirsumcision will see this and think again. I wish I could go back and change what we did to our sweet little guy.









s Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so important to get the word out that circumcision is NOT a harmless little snip. There are reprecussions, there are complications, boys and families suffer beyond the initial surgery. I hope all goes well with his corrective surgeries. You are such a brave Momma to share, I know you will make a difference in other baby boys lives.

Take care,
Tara


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## ReadingMama

During the last half of my pregnancy, I learned that it's not medically necessary to circumcize and for the first time, I considered not having it done. I knew nothing about "natural family living" back then. I gave birth with an OB in a hospital, had an epidural, and then a c-section after 15 hours of labor and 1 hour of pushing, I didn't breastfeed because I needed to be on medications that I'd been off of the entire pregnancy, and we used disposable diapers. We were about as mainstream as you can get.









So the reason I was considering not having my son circumcized wasn't because I was open to other non-mainstream things. It was because I didn't want him to be hurt physically. If birth is stressful for a baby, imagine having a very sensitive organ cut on soon after birth, I thought. What if he had a reaction to the local numbing agent? What if something went wrong and his penis got infected? They don't give babies pain medication, so what if he was in pain with the raw wound for days after birth? I began to feel that if it isn't medically necessary, why put my baby through all that. Just because "everyone else is doing it"?

Since we were so "average" with all our other choices, I did worry that he would be made fun of as he got older. I didn't know then that there was a huge trend occuring where more and more male babies weren't getting circumcized. I think our generation is much more educated and open to doing things differently than the generations before us, and that's why more natural methods of birth, parenting, and living are becoming more popular. Back "in the old days" people nursed and used cloth diapers because it's all that was available. Our generation does it because we've researched it and made conscious choices to do what's better for our babies.

My husband was very against the idea of being different from other mainstream parents. He didn't want our son to stand out or be thought of as weird. He knew that there was some religious significance to circumcision too, but he didn't know the specifics about it. He just knew that he didn't want to consider doing anything different from what other people do, from what his parents did. He is very conventional and it's hard for him to consider new ways of doing things.

My desire to not have our son circumcized was even greater after he was born. I felt protective and didn't want our son to have to go through the pain involved. My husband stood firm for circumcision. In the end, I caved to my husband's wishes and tearfully let him take our son away to be circumcized.

It turns out I didn't need to be worried about a reaction to a local numbing agent because our doctor didn't use a numbing agent! So that super sensitive area was cut away without anything for the pain. I looked at the wound afterwards and his penis was really swollen with some seeping blood. I knew it had to sting when he peed. It took about a week for the wound to heal, with us having to put Vaseline and gauze around it after every diaper change. We're fortunate that there was no infection from poop getting on the wound from a liquidy poop "blow out".

I love my husband, but I resented him for making our son have to go through that. I resented him for being able to take our son out of our hospital room and to the doctor who would hurt him. All in order to not be different from other people.

This is my experience and if I had it to do over again, I would have insisted on no circumcision. If it bothered our son to not be circumcized, he could have chosen to be circumsized as he got older.

I think the most important thing is to make conscious choices.


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## amandaleigh37

My son is 14 months old, and I have had a very hard time lately dealing with the guilt I have over this. Before his birth, I was as mainstream as they come. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was set on breastfeeding and avoiding the epidural, and after he was born it was like a switch went off that caused me to reconsider my beliefs about just about everything. Sadly it was too late.

I know if I had only taken him home... given it a week or two to get to know my son before making a decision like that, it never would have happened. I'd never been a parent before. I wanted to do everything "right", I thought it was what I was "supposed" to do. Now, looking back, I don't know how I could have been so stupid! Why would I sign a paper, let that happen.... I hate myself over it.

I was in so much pain after tearing horrible during birth, that I didn't even change his diaper in the hospital. My husband did all of that. I don't even remember what he looked like intact, and that really bothers me. If I hadn't been so out of it, I'm sure I would have thought it through more. I was in so much pain, so tired... I wanted to go with him to the procedure, but couldn't get out of the bed. My husband went. I know now that if I was back there, seeing him restrained, I would have stopped it. I'm sure I would have!! It makes me sick to think about.

Most of all, It is so hard to understand how I ever thought that was ok... It was just over a year ago that I had him vax'ed, circ'ed... things I never thought twice about. I'm a different person now. I've learned so much. But looking back, it's so hard to see how I could be so naive and not see these things sooner! I would give anything to go back and make a better decision.

It wasn't long after his birth, probably a month or so, that I realized we made a huge mistake. As time goes on, it just gets worse. I feel so sick over it every day, every time I change his diaper


----------



## Yulia_R




----------



## thixle

ReadingMama and amandaleigh37, and everyone else who posted here:

Thank you, you are saving so many boys just by sharing.


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## Mommy&Will

Amandaleigh37









I circ'd 2 boys before I saw the light. I, like you, have become a different person since having kids. I don't know if my belief system changed, but perhaps finally just "woke up." Its like before kids I didn't even consider that there were alternatives. I question everything now - from parenting to politics.


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## jen&james

With my new baby boy coming I have beeny really guilt about circing my first son. I would never do that again, I just wish someone had offered me info on both sides. I just thought it was done to all boys and I was too stupid at the time to ask any questions. My son ended up with adhesions and I was fortunate enough that I had a DR that was very gentle and didn't try to force the adhesions off, she just said give it time and that I could put neosporin on it. It eventually healed and he hasn't had any problems since but after all this happened I started researching and realized what a mistake I had made. How do you come to terms with doing something like this to your baby boy and how do I explain to my boys why I did one and left one?


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

You tell them the truth. That when you had ds1 circed you thought you were doing what was best but by the time ds2 came along you had found out different. There are a few mom's here who have 1 circed and 1 or more not so you are not alone there.


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## jule924

I'm one of them! If we have another boy it will be 2-2 (dad included) in the family. If my older son asks some day I'll just tell him I didn't know better at the time. When you know better, you do better!


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## tlh

you tell them what was taken away from them and pay restitution.it's all you can do.


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## User101

Just wanted to let you know that a pro-circ post and the responses to it have been removed. "The System" is acting up, so I'm probably not going to be able to PM everyone individually. Thanks all!


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## homewithtwinsmama

I was not educated about foreskin at all when my first was born and let my husband take charge of dealing with that decision. When it happened my boy crashed and wouldn't nurse most of the day and I knew instantly that I had made a huge mistake. I would never do it again. I told my husband this, and he disagreed with me, but I made it clear that it was non-negotiable. I teach CB classes and I do give stats on the declining rates of circ and the complications and try to encourage all my clients to REALLY think in ways I did not. As for the next boy, he never came. We have had five girls and only the one boy. So my husband never did have to test my vow to never do it again.


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## mum2corbie

This.thread.is.so.long.I.don't.know.if.I've.alread y.posted.here.before.or.not...But.add.me.to.the.re gret.list....

#1.was.circed...lose.fortunately.8.yrs.ago....He.h as.suffered.repeated.bouts.with.Metal.Stinosis.and .other.irritations.thanks.to.his.lack.of.foreskin. protection...He.had.to.miss.3.weeks.of.school.last .year.due.to.one.really.bad.flair.up.of.his.condit ion....It.sucks..we.thought.we.circed.to.avoid.pro blems.and.instead.he's.had.problems.because.of.bei ng.circed...Nice..
#2.is.not.circed...Never.once.any.sort.of.problem. in.his.5.yrs.of.life.and.nothing.to.indicate.futur e.problems...

My.Dh.also.regrets.his.own.circ.and.has.half.heart edly.tried.restoration.but.was.easily.discouraged. when.the.device.didn't.stay.on.easily.while.workin g...









I.am.teaching.my.sons.and.daughters.that.circumcis ion.is.unhealthy,unnecessary,and.outdated...I'm.no t.as.vocal.about.circ.as.I.once.was....It.makes.me .sick.and.angry.if.I.allow.it.too..My.own.guilt.re ally.was.eating.me.up...I.used.to.try.n.fight.this .fight..debates,be.an.intactavist..It.was.to.much. for.me....It.made.me.crazy...So.I.took.a.break.fro m.the.cause.for.a.few.years...Instead.I.try.to.foc us.on.how.wonderful.intact.is-how.easy-how.safe-how.normal.it's.becoming.in.the.US...

Hugs.to.the.other.mama's....especially.the.ones.st ill.beating.them.selfs.up.about.it...I.won't.tell. you.not.to......It's.part.of.the.process.of.dealin g.with.the.guilt....







.Just.know.that.other .mama's.understand.your.feelings.and.are.here.for. you...
#2.us.often.sitting.on.my.feet.during.all.this...


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## BlessedMommy2006

Almost 30 years ago, my DH was circumcised. Whether my in-laws gave their consent or whether it was a routine procedure without consent, I don't know.

All I know is that whoever made the decision didn't have to live with the consequences, which we live with! We have only one child currently, a beautiful 17 month old daughter. If we ever have any sons, they will be intact.


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## silverspook

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BlessedMommy2006* 
Almost 30 years ago, my DH was circumcised. Whether my in-laws gave their consent or whether it was a routine procedure without consent, I don't know.

All I know is that whoever made the decision didn't have to live with the consequences, which we live with! We have only one child currently, a beautiful 17 month old daughter. If we ever have any sons, they will be intact.

My hubby was circ'd without his parent's consent almost 30 years ago too. (Although they said they would have consented anyway if they had been asked


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## MelissaAHM

I wish I had found this board just a few months ago...my son would still be intact.
My son was born at a birthing center, and we were unsure of our decision to circ or not. DH wanted to but I did not. Thankfully the midwives, sort of, convinced him it was a bad idea. However we still got pressure from our relatives. This in no way bothered me because they'd get over it.

I didn't know exactly why I was against circ. but it's seemed like an unnecessary painful procedure. It just seemed unnatural. So we decided against it. I didn't know the facts (I wish I had) so my excuse was 'I didn't want him to be in pain and have my baby go through something traumatic.

Well, when he was 6weeks old he developed 'pyloric stenosis' and needed emergency surgery. The pediatric surgeon noticed he wasn't circed and asked if we wanted him to go ahead and do it since DS would be under general anesthesia.
I felt So pressured. DH was already 'for it' - and my arguement of 'Not wanting DS to feel pain' was gone. I still was unsure but felt pressured by the Doctor and residents (all males). DH and I had to make a decision fairly soon. So we told him to do the circ.

Uggggg!!! I have cried over this decision. I don't like it and I feel as if a piece of him is missing. DS is now 4 months old - this was done 2.5month ago. After the fear of his surgery..and we got home...I felt so angry. I would even cry when changing his diaper and I saw him. I just have so much heavy guilt on me.

I do remember one thing the surgeon said, he said 'he didn't cut alot because when DS got older he wanted him to not be tight'. He also said to retract the skin regularly. Well, I don't know if this was supposed to happen. But his penis doesn't show and when it does it's just the tip. Usually when I diaper change him the tip is barely there. I also DON"T retract it. By doing this (allowing the outerskin to cover the penis) can it grow back. On occasion during diaper changes if I notice it 'out' a bit I pull the skin back over it.

Anyhow, if anyone is unsure keep this in mind...Please - once it's cut it's cut you can get it back.


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## amandaleigh37

Quote:

I wish I had found this board just a few months ago...my son would still be intact.
I'm so sorry mama...














:


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## Elijahs Momma

i do regret circ. my son but i dont beat myself up over it, i know he's healthy and when it was done we honestly thought it was the healthier thing to do (we really didnt read much about it and everyone else around here is circ.) but we know were going going to leave our next one intact, im just worried about how to explain it to him, so he doesnt feel inadaquate or different or that we made a mistake with him.


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elijahs Momma* 
i do regret circ. my son but i dont beat myself up over it, i know he's healthy and when it was done we honestly thought it was the healthier thing to do (we really didnt read much about it and everyone else around here is circ.) but we know were going going to leave our next one intact, im just worried about how to explain it to him, so he doesnt feel inadaquate or different or that we made a mistake with him.

Elijahs Momma,
I admire that you don't beat your self up over your ds's circ. I wish I could get over it. I don't think thats happening anytime soon. Life does go on for us and I love my circ'd ds as much as I do my intact ds's.

I congratulate you for leaving your future ds's intact. Thats great!

I do not think your circ'd ds is going to feel inadequate for being circ'd while noticing his brother's intact penis (if he actually notices). If and when he does, simply tell him, "No two people are alike in this world. Even identical twins have their differences." If he is at an appropriate age, explain what circumcision is and how its really not necessary to do that and you didn't know this when he was born and you thought it was the best thing to do because the doctors at that time didn't properly inform the parents about the foreskin. This message will hopefully encourage him not to allow circumcision for his future ds's.


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MelissaAHM* 
I wish I had found this board just a few months ago...my son would still be intact.

MelissaAHM, My heart breaks for you. That is so sad. Have you thought about getting a Lawyer?

Sounds to me like you have a case. Hospitals shouldn't be pressuring parents to consent to cosmetic surgery on a newborn. There was nothing wrong with his penis and yet the doctor was soliciting an unnecessary medical operation to profit a 'bonus' on the already needed surgery from the stenosis. They took advantage of your ds and you and that ain't right.

If you do consider a Lawyer, ARCLAW is a good organization to consult, do it quickly b/c some states have a sensitive statute of limitation on Law Suits. Get your ds's hospital records and the names of everyone who pressured you. If they tell you that this case wouldn't win, please don't let this defeat you. I only say this b/c I tried to sue once and the Lawyer said that since my dh consented, it wouldn't win and plus, my state has a statue of limitation of 2yrs. He was four when he developed meatal stenosis caused from the circ. The urologist said he wouldn't have meatal stenosis if he wasn't circumcised







. He had a buried penis too but the stupid doctors like to stick up for one another and said "Oh thats normal,







" You'll still have his medical records and the names, especially of the doctor who did the procedure, for the possibility for your ds to sue the living bajeebers out of that hospital when he is 18. If he has a buried penis I'd take pictures of that and use it for evidence. It will be very difficult after 18 so it has to be then. We will support him and you step by step through this process. Just know, pro-circs lurk this forum A LOT so be careful. No personal names should be posted and nothing about your location. They could jeopardize any information you post about the suit if you're specific.

Your story is very powerful, and it will no doubt save other parents from this atrocity. Thank you.









~FW


----------



## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elijahs Momma* 
so he doesnt feel...that we made a mistake with him.

I think when he is older (10 or more) it is VERY important to explain to him that it WAS a mistake that you regret. It is also important to explain him functions of foreskin and mention non-sergical restpration when he's older.

You really NEED to admit that that IS a mistake, or he may just go ahead and circ his future sons just because he is. It is trully your responsibility to stop this cycle of genital mutiation...


----------



## carriebft

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elijahs Momma* 
i do regret circ. my son but i dont beat myself up over it, i know he's healthy and when it was done we honestly thought it was the healthier thing to do (we really didnt read much about it and everyone else around here is circ.) but we know were going going to leave our next one intact, im just worried about how to explain it to him, so he doesnt feel inadaquate or different or that we made a mistake with him.

We quote Angelou around here a lot:

"You do what you know. When you know better, you do better."

If it ever comes up, you could help him understand through analogy. Perhaps you have a grandparent who had their tonsils removed back when it was pretty routine...well, we know better now so we don't do that.


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## 00646

I tried to talk to a male friend of mine about circ.
He said if we were married and we had a boy, we'd do it.
He tried to tell me that girls would reject my future child.
It made me so upset.
I think if a girl rejects a male becasue he has a whole penis she wasn't worth it.

Thank goodness my fiancé is intact, and we will never have to fight over circ, because he has a firm no circ rule.

The things people come up with.


----------



## 102212




----------



## silverspook

Many many







to you, CaptCourt. I pray that time will heal your (and your son's) wounds.


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## arpetree1

My oldest son is circ'd and I do regret the choice I made. I was young(18) and uninformed.
If this baby is a boy we will not circ. My husband is intact and i really have no clue why we did our son....


----------



## nolaw

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MelissaAHM* 
Well, I don't know if this was supposed to happen. But his penis doesn't show and when it does it's just the tip. Usually when I diaper change him the tip is barely there. I also DON"T retract it. By doing this (allowing the outerskin to cover the penis) can it grow back. On occasion during diaper changes if I notice it 'out' a bit I pull the skin back over it.

DS doesn't have that much skin left on his penis, but I also try to do the same thing, well, actually, I try to pull it over the glans. It doesn't hurt him, he has enough that it will partially cover it without me pulling on it. I was also wondering, will that help it grow back? He has an adhesion, is that a bad thing or good? I wish we had never circ'ed him now that I know more about it. DH is circ'ed, and thinks that intact is "nasty", just like the CD's I use and the BM that ds eats. He thinks that "natural is just gross"







I tell him that if we have any more boys, they aren't getting circ'ed. I just cannot bear the thought of it. I have been researching everything I can think of since DS was born. There is so much out there that I had never even thought of, I don't know if I would have even had enough time during the pregnancy to learn it all. I am learning it now, and I will know for my future babies. I guess the first baby is the "learner" baby, right? I like the quote that was posted:
_We quote Angelou around here a lot:

"You do what you know. When you know better, you do better."_
I'm glad I found this site!


----------



## Galatea

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nolaw* 
DH is circ'ed, and thinks that intact is "nasty", just like the CD's I use and the BM that ds eats. He thinks that "natural is just gross"

















Your milk is nasty? That makes me sad.


----------



## nolaw

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Galatea* 







Your milk is nasty? That makes me sad.

It makes me sad too... It's not nasty for DS to eat (at least I don't think he thinks that way), but if it gets on DH, it is nasty. BF, intact and CDing are not popular around here at all. No one in either of our families has even considered any of those, that I am aware of.


----------



## christyl2007

I must say.....don't circ. My boyfriend isn't and I let it be his decision whether or not to have our son circ because I had didn't think I should make that call. I thought that there had to be some reason for the procedure...cleanliness maybe. I was so wrong. Even after being circ you still have to pull the foreskin back and clean it so that it doesn't get stuck or grow back up (when he gets an erection it pops loose, which is painful) just like you do when you're not circ.

I made the mistake of taking a walk while they wheeled my son away to do the procedure. Little did I know that I walked right by the door when I heard my baby screaming bloody murder. I wanted to bust through the door like the Kool-Aid man used to do in commericals and take my baby and run. I was soooooo naive to think that there was a purpose to circs. If I have another boy I will not have him circ! True maybe he may have to have a circ done later in life because of infections but and I stress but he may not. I do not think there is any purpose for the hospital doing this procedure but to get more $$!


----------



## Night_Nurse

Quote:


Originally Posted by *christyl2007* 
True maybe he may have to have a circ done later in life because of infections but and I stress but he may not.

I just wanted to say the majority of boys & men with an intact penis never have any infections or issues.


----------



## christyl2007

That's what I meant, _if_ they ever had any problems at all. Thanks I should have been more clear.


----------



## RightasRain

I did it because my husband thought we should do it because he was circumcised.

I would never do it again, and i am ashamed at myself for doing something like that without some very serious thought

I WOULD NEVER DO IT AGAIN

i hope he forgives me


----------



## Draupadi

I feel very bad about circ'ing my son. The thought that he had to endure that pain...I don't know why we did it.
The truth is that now I think his penis doesn't look...right. I hope I did not scar him for life.


----------



## Fellow Traveler

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RightasRain* 
I did it because my husband thought we should do it because he was circumcised.

I would never do it again, and i am ashamed at myself for doing something like that without some very serious thought

I WOULD NEVER DO IT AGAIN

i hope he forgives me


Quote:


Originally Posted by *WilliamsMama* 
I feel very bad about circ'ing my son. The thought that he had to endure that pain...I don't know why we did it.
The truth is that now I think his penis doesn't look...right. I hope I did not scar him for life.

Sorry to hear this. It's hard to see through the rhetoric but I hope you'll take your new found information and let other know. You'll be able to make a more informed decision next time.


----------



## Blueena

My four year old son is circumcised and I regret it, my dh thinks I am insane for regretting it, he is all for it, but every time I look at his penis, I can feel my shame and know that I can not take it back.

I still remember beign pregnant with my son and my husband telling me how we were going to circumcise and me not knowing anything about it really, just went along with it. But I do remember, deep in the pit of my stomach, something didn't feel right, I knew that there was something wrong about it, but I didn't know where to go (I hadn't found this website), everyone around me agreed with my husband.

The day in the hospital that it was done, I started to feel panic, I held him so hard in my arms and my husband had to pry him out of my arms and I remember saying "I can't believe you are going to butcher him" and my husband just kissed me and said I was overreacting and took him. The whole time he was gone, I felt sick, I knew something wasn't right, but everyone around me just kept reassuring me and I didn't trust my maternal instincts at the time, I was a new mother, I was trying to find my way.

That first night, my sweet boy wouldn't sleep, he was in pain, he cried, we had to give a 2 day old baby tylenol, he cried with every diaper change until it healed. I know it was a bad decision and if we had another boy, I would not circumcise him, I don't care if my dh disagrees, he doesn't have ownership over the penis just because he has one.

I find all this really hard to admit, but when my son is older, I will talk to him, will tell him about the statistics, about the pain he was in and I will tell him I am sorry.


----------



## aaronsmom

I was bullied into circ'ing DS by my mother. I was only 17 at the time and I was (and still am) strongly against circ. My mom fed me all the usual crap ("so he'll look like dad" "it's more hygienic" "he'll be made fun of in the locker room") and finally I signed the consent form. The second to last day my son was in the NICU, I visited him. By his bed I noticed a little board with the impression of a baby and it read "Circumstraint". That day I went home, threw up, and then cried myself to sleep. I thought by signing that form I had given up my right to change my mind. I'll regret it forever. I tried to make my mom realize all the information she fed me was false but she's still sticking to her beliefs. I'll forever regret circ'ing my son but when he is older I want to provide him with information for foreskin restoration. Any future sons will not be circ'ed. I'm glad that I know better now.


----------



## Verity

_So, subconsciously, he did not want HIS son to feel rejected by some (moronic) woman. If some twit were to reject him because of THAT, he's better off IMO._

I now tell myself the same thing because my son is circed. I regret it and wish I had not allowed it to happen, but if a woman rejects my ds for that, he's better off without her.

I will add that I definitely didn't know then (almost 14 years ago) what I know now about circumcision. I had no idea that the foreskin actually has a purpose. That's not an excuse, but it's the truth. If my ds had not been my first child, or if I'd had easy access to more information (again, this was 1993-4 and it was difficult to research medical issues before I had internet access), my ds probably would be intact.


----------



## fruitful womb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Blueena* 
My four year old son is circumcised and I regret it, my dh thinks I am insane for regretting it, he is all for it, but every time I look at his penis, I can feel my shame and know that I can not take it back.....

I still remember beign pregnant with my son and my husband telling me how we were going to circumcise and me not knowing anything about it really, just went along with it. But I do remember, deep in the pit of my stomach, something didn't feel right, I knew that there was something wrong about it, but I didn't know where to go (I hadn't found this website), everyone around me agreed with my husband.

The day in the hospital that it was done, I started to feel panic, I held him so hard in my arms and my husband had to pry him out of my arms and I remember saying "I can't believe you are going to butcher him" and my husband just kissed me and said I was overreacting and took him. The whole time he was gone, I felt sick, I knew something wasn't right, but everyone around me just kept reassuring me and I didn't trust my maternal instincts at the time, I was a new mother, I was trying to find my way.

That first night, my sweet boy wouldn't sleep, he was in pain, he cried, we had to give a 2 day old baby tylenol, he cried with every diaper change until it healed. I know it was a bad decision and if we had another boy, I would not circumcise him, I don't care if my dh disagrees, he doesn't have ownership over the penis just because he has one.

I find all this really hard to admit, but when my son is older, I will talk to him, will tell him about the statistics, about the pain he was in and I will tell him I am sorry.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *aaronsmom* 
I was bullied into circ'ing DS by my mother. I was only 17 at the time and I was (and still am) strongly against circ. My mom fed me all the usual crap ("so he'll look like dad" "it's more hygienic" "he'll be made fun of in the locker room") and finally I signed the consent form. The second to last day my son was in the NICU, I visited him. By his bed I noticed a little board with the impression of a baby and it read "Circumstraint". That day I went home, threw up, and then cried myself to sleep. I thought by signing that form I had given up my right to change my mind. I'll regret it forever. I tried to make my mom realize all the information she fed me was false but she's still sticking to her beliefs. I'll forever regret circ'ing my son but when he is older I want to provide him with information for foreskin restoration. Any future sons will not be circ'ed. I'm glad that I know better now.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Verity* 
_So, subconsciously, he did not want HIS son to feel rejected by some (moronic) woman. If some twit were to reject him because of THAT, he's better off IMO._

I now tell myself the same thing because my son is circed. I regret it and wish I had not allowed it to happen, but if a woman rejects my ds for that, he's better off without her.

I will add that I definitely didn't know then (almost 14 years ago) what I know now about circumcision. I had no idea that the foreskin actually has a purpose. That's not an excuse, but it's the truth. If my ds had not been my first child, or if I'd had easy access to more information (again, this was 1993-4 and it was difficult to research medical issues before I had internet access), my ds probably would be intact.
























(((HUGS))) mamas. Your stories are heart wrenching. Please know that this wasn't your fault. I'm so sorry that America allows this atrocity to continue. ITs sick. Be super sure that you tell your boys that they can sue their doctors when they get older. At least let them know its an option.








s


----------



## MommytoB

I'm sorry every mom on here was filled with lies its a sad thing when doctors think all boys are born with a flaw -thank you all for sharing your s tory


----------



## mama2mason

Moved to new thread, sorry OP!


----------



## amandaleigh37

mama2mason -








I don't have any advice on the adhesions, but I can relate very much to the guilt you feel. I often think back to that moment in the hospital and wish more than anything I could go back and say NO! and crumple up that paper I signed and set it on fire








I'm sorry you are dealing with this, I hope someone else here can give you some advice & your son's issues will clear up so he won't be in any pain...
Thanks for sharing your story here


----------



## Night_Nurse

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2mason* 
Hi everyone,

I am new here, so I hope this is in the right place. This is a repeat of a post I made over at diaperswappers. While I appreciate posts of support, or info about why circ'ing is bad, I am really looking for info from people who have been there, done that...

You might want to repost this as a new thread in Case Against Circ instead of having it in a sticky/regret thread. You'll most likely get more reads and advice than by leaving it in this thread.


----------



## mama2mason

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Night_Nurse* 
You might want to repost this as a new thread in Case Against Circ instead of having it in a sticky/regret thread. You'll most likely get more reads and advice than by leaving it in this thread.

Thanks...I wasn't sure if it would be okay to post there, or if I had to put it here, because it is a regret issue. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.


----------



## dayiscoming2006

Wow, this is sad. I had no idea circumcision was unhealthy. I was told by my last OBGYN that her boy had an infection when he was around 5 and had to be circumcised so I thought there would be less chance of infection if I circumcised my son. She even said that it would make it so he didn't have to do it himself later in life when he would remember it, in case he got an infection. And she made it sound like infections in uncircumcised males were very common.

It makes my stomach sick thinking that I did something unhealthy for my son. I only want what's best for him. If I have another boy with this pregnancy, I will not have him circ'd.


----------



## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dayiscoming2006* 
Wow, this is sad. I had no idea circumcision was unhealthy. I was told by my last OBGYN that her boy had an infection when he was around 5 and had to be circumcised so I thought there would be less chance of infection if I circumcised my son. She even said that it would make it so he didn't have to do it himself later in life when he would remember it, in case he got an infection. And she made it sound like infections in uncircumcised males were very common.

It makes my stomach sick thinking that I did something unhealthy for my son. I only want what's best for him. If I have another boy with this pregnancy, I will not have him circ'd.


Without doctors *"*help*"* ( http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=129378 ) intact boys/men are much less likely to have problems in this department that cut ones.

Good for you for educating yourself!


----------



## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dayiscoming2006* 
It makes my stomach sick thinking that I did something unhealthy for my son. I only want what's best for him.

I feel the same way about vaccinating my first child







. I wish I could take it back







...
If you haven't looked into vaccines already, I highly recommend. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...splay.php?f=47


----------



## dayiscoming2006

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
I feel the same way about vaccinating my first child







. I wish I could take it back







...
If you haven't looked into vaccines already, I highly recommend. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...splay.php?f=47

Yeah, same feeling for having vaccinated my son until he was 1 as well. I no longer vaccinate since I have been informed though. Thank you for the link to the other thread.


----------



## Kristin123

The poor little guy!! We circ'd both of our sons and it kills me to this day. I was uninformed and stupid!!! It was the argument we want him to look like dad. If I ever have another boy he will NOT be circ'd. My 2nd is getting penis infections all the time, I feel so bad for mutalating him.


----------



## Jaysfamily

We circumcised our little baby boy too. I was talking with my husband yesterday and he admitted that at the last minute, he almost told them not to circ him as they were wheeling him away. I was surpirsed by this because I also had the urge to stop them and ignored my instinct. My son did have anesthesia for the mutilation, but when they called me after it was done.....he was shrieking and screaming in the background. Those screams haunt me still, 20 months later. It was obvious that the anesthesia did not work. I had my husband watch and listen to the circ video yesterday. It is the only circ video that has a baby crying the same way my son did. I wanted him to understand why I am still haunted by it.....and now he does. He threw the headphones across the room at one point when he was watching it. We had already decided not to circ any future sons several months ago, but now there is no doubt for us. I am so deeply sorry for what we did...and so ANGRY that the medical community isn't honest or forthcoming about this barbaric procedure.

Now, I want to help spread the word, and the truth about circumcision. The problem is that I'm so passionate and emotional about it now that I'm scared I'll turn people off from listening to what I have to say.


----------



## Fellow Traveler

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaysfamily* 
We circumcised our little baby boy too. I was talking with my husband yesterday and he admitted that at the last minute, he almost told them not to circ him as they were wheeling him away. I was surpirsed by this because I also had the urge to stop them and ignored my instinct. My son did have anesthesia for the mutilation, but when they called me after it was done.....he was shrieking and screaming in the background. Those screams haunt me still, 20 months later. It was obvious that the anesthesia did not work. I had my husband watch and listen to the circ video yesterday. It is the only circ video that has a baby crying the same way my son did. I wanted him to understand why I am still haunted by it.....and now he does. He threw the headphones across the room at one point when he was watching it. We had already decided not to circ any future sons several months ago, but now there is no doubt for us. I am so deeply sorry for what we did...and so ANGRY that the medical community isn't honest or forthcoming about this barbaric procedure.

Now, I want to help spread the word, and the truth about circumcision. The problem is that I'm so passionate and emotional about it now that I'm scared I'll turn people off from listening to what I have to say.

Hey welcome to the board. It's is a shame you didn't find us sooner. Don't beat yourself up too much though. It can be difficult to see circumcision for what it is; especially considering that most of the US medical community fail at their job of simply informing parents that it isn't necessary and refusing to do it on those grounds. However we learn from our mistakes and the next time around you'll be more informed.

It's great that your husband understands this as well as you do that is sometimes the biggest stumbling block. I hope you'll stick around read, post and learn and perhaps you'll soon be able to talk to other about it. Some of the best 'intactivist' are parents such as yourself who can relay first person accounts and tell other parents how they regret their decision. So again welcome, it's ashame it isn't under better circumstances but I am sure something good will come out of this.

ETA: Welcome to kristin123 too!


----------



## BrokeMom

Hi I'm pretty new here. DH and our two sons are circ. I've never been 100% sure one way or the other about it, but leaned towards circ. I've been reading more and I'm wondering if it was the right decision. I still have lots of questions and I'm not sure that I'll decide it was the wrong decision, but I need to find out where I stand on it! Thanks for sharing your stories everyone.


----------



## Fellow Traveler

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
Hi I'm pretty new here. DH and our two sons are circ. I've never been 100% sure one way or the other about it, but leaned towards circ. I've been reading more and I'm wondering if it was the right decision. I still have lots of questions and I'm not sure that I'll decide it was the wrong decision, but I need to find out where I stand on it! Thanks for sharing your stories everyone.

Please stick around and ask any questions that come to mind. We'll do our best to give you the straight dope.


----------



## BrokeMom

Honestly, the only reasons we did were 1: we figured God would not command the Jews to do something that was harmful/nonbeneficial and 2: we always heard it was hard to keep clean if you were uncirc and that UTIs and cancer were more common. 3: DH was circ...so they'd match.

Looking back, I think none of those were good reasons. #2 would have been a good reason...if it had been TRUE... I wish we had done more research. I can not believe that myself and others make such a BIG decision without knowing much about it!! I am really ashamed of myself for not researching and for making that decision based on such little and false knowledge.

At this point in time I think my conclusion is that it was not wrong to do, but just not the Best thing to do! If I could do it over again, I wouldn't circ. I don't think I'll look down upon anyone for circ'ing their sons, but I will from now on strongly encourage them to research and find out EVERYTHING there is to know first, before deciding. And if DH gets on board, we won't circ any more little boys born to us. Even if it means our boys won't "match".

P.S. I forgot to mention that we didn't actually have ds1 circ. He was born with hypospadias and he came out of me already looking circumcised! He had to have 2 surgeries to correct the hypospadias issue.

P.S.2 I just read a story from a nurse who says that they have to console a baby after circ so that he isn't taken back crying. And that sometimes it takes awhile. I DO remember thinking that it was sure taking them a long time to get Levi's circ done... and sure enough he was very peaceful and sleeping when he came back.


----------



## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* (As you can see on this video, the doctor claims that he uses anesthesia&#8230;well, make sure your speakers are on!), but I will from now on strongly encourage them to research and find out EVERYTHING there is to know first, before deciding. And if DH gets on board, we won't circ any more little boys born to us would let your dh to make a decision to cut off any other healthy part of your baby body??? or would you protect your baby from harm as mothers should??. Even if it means our boys won't "match".

P.S. I forgot to mention that we didn't actually have ds1 circ. He was born with hypospadias and he came out of me already looking circumcised! birth defects do happen, sadly







He had to have 2 surgeries to correct the hypospadias issue. his hypospadias must be very severe because mild ones when the child has no problems peeing do not require a corrective surgery.

P.S.2 I just read a story from a nurse who says that they have to console a baby after circ so that he isn't taken back crying. And that sometimes it takes awhile. I DO remember thinking that it was sure taking them a long time to get Levi's circ done... and sure enough he was very peaceful and sleeping when he came back. A lot of NO-CIRC members are nurses. Some of them had to quit their jobs in L&D unite haunted by wails of poor babies and not willing to be part of genital mutilation. Many of them say that not only they have to calm down babies before bringing them to their parents, but they also FORCED to tell parents that their baby almost didn't cry or slept right through it (which of course is a lie).









.


----------



## amandaleigh37

Hi BrokeMom...

I know it's hard to look back on something like this, thinking we did what we thought was the best - and realizing we were terribly mistaken







It was very hard for me to accept the "mistake" I made, but once I faced it and owned up to it I am beginning to turn it into something productive. I learned a lot from the folks here on this board, so please keep reading. I know it's not easy to look past what we've always been told, or taught.. or known as "normal", but once we know the truth we (and our children) are much better off.


----------



## Fellow Traveler

Well, first I want to again welcome you and I want to point out the fact that this thought has entered your mind is a big step. It take courage to independently rethink this issue when you're surrounded by the dogma that we are in the US. I'll will briefly touch on some of these but for fuller explanations, it would make sense to create a new thread. I also want to emphasize that you shouldn't read judgment or tone in this or other replies you get. I'll admit that many posters here can get passionate but it's only because we care. You've started to question the practice and we want to help you along. With that in mind:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
Honestly, the only reasons we did were 1: we figured God would not command the Jews to do something that was harmful/nonbeneficial and

I can't speak much to the religious angle for a few reasons not the least of which is we are not really permitted to discuss religion. However, I might ask how many other components do you follow closely? Do you keep Kosher for instance. Leviticus 24:16 says

Quote:

And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.
Yet we don't stone people for this act.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
2: we always heard it was hard to keep clean if you were uncirc and that UTIs and cancer were more common.

I am not surprised by this. It is a common misconception in the US that intact boys or men have hygiene difficulties. I want you to consider a few things. First, among developed industrialized nations, circumcision is rare outside the US. Second, circumcision only became common in the US around the time of WWII before that, most Americans also weren't circumcised. Third, the levels of personal hygiene and regular bathing we enjoy today were only achieved in the last 100 years or so (actually proabably less than that). Which means for most of human history we got by with far less bathing and circumcision was mostly unheard of.

The problem with using UTIs and cancer to support circumcision is that both occur at very low baselines. UTIs are very easily treatable with ABX and a recurrent UTI in boys is almost always the result of a congenital anomaly of the urinary track, not the foreskin. Cancer is even more rare than a UTI; male breast cancer is far more common. The American Cancer Society does not believe that circumcision is a useful prophylactic for penile cancer.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
3: DH was circ...so they'd match.

Who was this important too? Really? I would wager that most of those posting here have circumcised husbands and intact boys. Hang around and read posts you'll see that the boys simply don't care. I know I didn't. Boys will always be different from their fathers and this is the least often noticed. I'll also point out that there are many posters who in addition to having circumcised husbands, circumcised at least one or more sons. And they report no problems between brothers with regard to that situation either.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
Looking back, I think none of those were good reasons. #2 would have been a good reason...if it had been TRUE... I wish we had done more research. I can not believe that myself and others make such a BIG decision without knowing much about it!! I am really ashamed of myself for not researching and for making that decision based on such little and false knowledge.

Ok, so perhaps I gave you too much information having seen that you already know that nothing in #2 is true. Don't beat yourself up too much over this. What is done is done and at this point you are in a position to do better the next time; that is the important thing. It is hard to get the straight facts on this issue most Drs. it seems feel out patients to figure out their opinion and then support the patient rather then giving them a straight answer. If you go in their predisposed to circumcise, it is not likely they'll try and convince you otherwise. It seems even Drs. that are against it will bite their tongue.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
At this point in time I think my conclusion is that it was not wrong to do, but just not the Best thing to do! If I could do it over again, I wouldn't circ. I don't think I'll look down upon anyone for circ'ing their sons, but I will from now on strongly encourage them to research and find out EVERYTHING there is to know first, before deciding. And if DH gets on board, we won't circ any more little boys born to us. Even if it means our boys won't "match".

Well, I think you're at the first stage, you've started to question it and that's a big step. I don't always look down on people who circumcise I think most get caught up in the cultural inertia much like you did. There is a need for people to learn somethings; most importantly is that there is no medical need to circumcise. Ignorance keeps this going so I hope you'll share this with others dialog is the best way to end the practice. If you are in a position to make this decision again we can help you convince your husband, don't worry we've been there and done that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
P.S. I forgot to mention that we didn't actually have ds1 circ. He was born with hypospadias and he came out of me already looking circumcised! He had to have 2 surgeries to correct the hypospadias issue.

P.S.2 I just read a story from a nurse who says that they have to console a baby after circ so that he isn't taken back crying. And that sometimes it takes awhile. I DO remember thinking that it was sure taking them a long time to get Levi's circ done... and sure enough he was very peaceful and sleeping when he came back.









I can't comment on two but I too have heard of some awful stories. Again, take time to read and learn more, ask any questions you want. We'll do our best to answer them and help you along this road.


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## BrokeMom

Thanks for all the answers and info! I can recall being given some anti circ pamphlets from my ds1's midwife and I just blew them off 'cause I was sure that circ was the norm. Everyone in our families are circ., so it was kind of like...'why not?' Regardless, I know I still have a lot to learn about all this. I want to make sure I know all my facts so I can start talking to others about circ but I am feeling kind of fired up about it and I want to become an Intactivist!!!









P.S. I'm trying to not beat myself up so much over having ds2 circ. I want to turn those bad feelings into motivation to help others come to the decision not to circ. If I can save other little boys from being circ I know it will help. Anyway this is probably all I will post about this in this thread so that it's not cluttered up since I already told my story of why I regret ds2 being circ.


----------



## Fellow Traveler

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrokeMom* 
Thanks for all the answers and info! I can recall being given some anti circ pamphlets from my ds1's midwife and I just blew them off 'cause I was sure that circ was the norm. Everyone in our families are circ., so it was kind of like...'why not?' Regardless, I know I still have a lot to learn about all this. I want to make sure I know all my facts so I can start talking to others about circ but I am feeling kind of fired up about it and I want to become an Intactivist!!!









P.S. I'm trying to not beat myself up so much over having ds2 circ. I want to turn those bad feelings into motivation to help others come to the decision not to circ. If I can save other little boys from being circ I know it will help. Anyway this is probably all I will post about this in this thread so that it's not cluttered up since I already told my story of why I regret ds2 being circ.

As awful as it sounds, parents who circumcised and regretted it are often the best advocates. So join the discussion.







For what its worth I am glad to hear you had a midwife who made the attempt its a good sign.


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## SantaMonica

I didn't circumcise. But I'm posting here, because it ended up being the thing I struggled with most and had the hardest time deciding on. In the end I didn't do it, and I feel it is one of the best decisions I ever made.

I am a single mom, so I didn't have the pressures of a husband wanting to have it done. Still, I did have some internal debate since I didn't know much about this issue prior to getting pregnant. My gut told me it was not the right thing to do, but having never really seen an intact penis I had questions and I initially thought maybe there was some truth to what my doctor told me, which was that there are higher rates of cervical cancer among women who have sex with intact men. I was surprised when I started researching how there really are no good reasons for doing this. All of the reasons seemed contrived or lame at best. One doctor even said "you don't really want your son to have to spend his whole life pulling back the foreskin to get clean". Huh? I mean, we have to wipe our butts too.. is it that DIFFICULT?

I talked to a friend who is uncircumcised (he's European who lives here) and he was very adamant about it and thought it was ridiculous that Americans do this. I also talked to another friend who is circumcised but wishes he wasn't because he said "I have less sensitivity and sometimes it takes sooo long during sex" LOL! Then there were a lot of people who said it would be best to have him "cut" so he would fit in with his peers or that his penis would look better, etc. I was sympathetic to those arguments, but ultimately they just seeme, well, so lame. I figured if he hated his penis he could always alter it himself one day, but he could never undo it if I had part of his penis hacked off. In the back of my mind there was always this nagging thought "He's innocent, coming into the world with no one but me to count on.... how can I take that precious gift from God and cut off part of his genitals.". Anyway, in the end, I never "fully" made up my mind until I gave birth but I think in my heart I always knew I wouldn't do it. So when the doctor said after he was born "is he to be circumcised", I said "NO!". I didn't even have to give it a thought.


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## Dan Bollinger

I am encouraged that so many parents are verbalizing their regret having circumcised their son. As a man who has an early recollectioni of his circumcision, and all the horror that goes with it, I am glad that these feelings are being said out loud.

To encourage others to speak their regrets, and to archive them for others to read, I have created a blog where you can post your stories. I hope everyone who has posted here will submit a copy there, too.

Please visit blOUCH!, the blog for Project: OUCH!

Dan


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## saraswathi

I'm so impressed at the bravery of all of those who have expressed their regret. It takes great courage to adjust your way of thinking in a way that you're forced to accept that you've hurt the most precious of people in the world to you in a way that you can't undo









I have only a daughter; her older brother was stillborn, but he wouldn't have been circumcised, I was clear on that. It's not the norm here in NZ and my brother wasn't circ'ed back in the 80s, so despite my youthful naivety it's one mistake I wouldn't have made.

I'm glad that so many of you who regret this have chosen to TALK to your sons about what happened and why you regret it - I honestly think this will help in their healing & future sexual fulfillment. My ex and the father of my children was circumcised and has a mother who shies away from open & honest communication with her sons (or anyone else). I can't help but feel his circumcision and an inability to come to terms with it played a part in his numerous issues with anger & anxiety that were eventually instrumental in our break up. I broached the subject of circumcision with him when I was pregnant with our son & he shut down instantly - it was obviously something too painful to discuss.

Our sex life was lacking (something I didn't realise until later, when I'd had other partners - you really CAN'T contemplate something so good, when you've never had it) because it was as though in his mind pleasure & pain were inextricably linked. He used to suffer panic attacks after orgasm which left him curled in a ball, breathing heavily & as helpless as an infant. I often wondered if the circumcision had left him expecting pain after pleasure, or if he was guilty at experiencing enjoyment because in his subconscious the circumcision was a punishment for this. I'm no psychologist so I don't know, but I've never seen anything else like it and it didn't seem normal to me.


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## mermaidmama

I regret it very much that i let this happen to my 1st. It is something that i actually did research. However, I let dh and the stupid dr make the decision. I felt very bullied by that dr. He told me his 1st 2 sons were circ. and had alotta problems so they left the 3rd son intact and he ended up having to be circd too because of a really bad infect. and either way you cant win. He also got all nasty with me and told my husband and I...."how are you going to agree on big things later in life if you cant even agree on one little thing now?!" I was just so overwhelmed from the birth and everything. BUT I WAS ALSO SO STUPID. I wish I wouldve said NO to dh and dr. I wish I could undo it.
This dr also tried to tell me I should not be breastfeeding my baby. STUPID STUPID DR!

My advice is to always research things and dont let people push you into doing something you don't feel good about. There is NO NEED to have things done right away. If you arent sure about something then dont do it til you are.


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## hakunangovi

HUGS TO YOU !!

This is a perfect example of why the Medical Community has to carry a very large part of the blame in the perpetuation of this brutal and damaging custom.

They pick on and bully the mother at her most vulnerable time, when she is totally exhausted and emotionaly drained.

Why have they no "ETHICS"? It is just absolutely disgusting behaviour.


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## 3lilpunkins

I have 2 boys, both, unfortunately, circumsied.







With #1, I had no idea about any circ. issues.I blindly accepted, that its just what you do.His had no healing prob.s everything did work out

With my 2nd boy, I was leaning toward no circ. mainly b/c our haelth ins. didn't cover it. But my husband, his mom,and both my parents insisted he needed it.So we scraped $285 together and prepaid the pediatriction. This time they did a weird circ. they forced a plastic ring with a string tied around the head & into the shaft.Then they just sliced the very tip off. It was supposed to fall off in 3 - 7 days. Well his didn't.After 2 weeks, the whole little thing was swollen and red and the head was healing and growing on to the stupid plastic ring. I called the Dr. office & spoke with a nurse who told me, "it just looks like its adhearing to the ring" I took him to the doctor the next day anyway.It was indeed growing onto the ring, so the doctor started RIPPING his skin off of it, to start the process of falling off.It took about 2-3 more days to completely fall off.As it was in the process I expressed some of my breastmilk to the new wound, to ensure no infections.

If I ever have anymore sons, they will not suffer through a needless surgical procedure like a circumcision!


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## lovemybubus

Kelly, that is so sad, and I am sorry you and your son had to go through it.

Peace,

Amy


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## DeansMommy08

Circumcising my son is my biggest parenting regret and the thing I wish I could wish away. I'd been expecting a girl and was relieved knowing I didn't have to make the circumcision decision. My plan was to labor naturally and breastfeed. After 2 of pushing, I requested an epidural and after another half hour of pushing my OB told me that none of my pushing had been productive and I was diagnosed with failure to progress and needed a c-section on 3/12/08. During the next 24 hours I tried to breastfeed unsucessfully. And the lactation consultants said the baby could go 48 hours without food, but a little after the 1 day mark of his life I requested formula. He did end up breastfeeding after three weeks when my husband and I finally got good consul and we got his frenulum snipped. But anyway, here I was in the hospital and recovering from surgery, surprise it's a boy, having feeding issues with my son and my husband was having difficulty adjusting to fatherhood and was spending several hours a day away from the hospital and given all these factors we were expected to make to this big decision. Both of us were unsure, but the pediatrician was putting on the hard sell telling us he was the best in the area, which I've come to find out is in fact true. My mother and my husband's mother were both pushing him. But regardless, I wish just one person had said to my husband and I, "If you're unsure, just wait, just give it time and don't try and make this decision before you leave the hospital, really there's no pressure, you can make this decision anytime. You can always do a circumcision, but you can't undo one." The worst of my pain comes from not having been there because I would have stopped it, I had these awful feelings while my son was gone from the room, a voice in my head saying, 'Go stop this'. I wish I'd done something, but now all I can do is feel this pain and wish, wish I'd done it differently, that I could have stopped it somehow.

I can't believe how common this procedure is in America and that parents are even called upon to make this decision right after the birth of their sons. Giving birth and adjusting to new parenthood is challenge enough. No one should be asking parents to make this decision while they're in the hospital. I'd like to see legislation banning routine infant circumsion, at very least banning it from being done in hospitals. This is a decision that needs time and care to be made.

I will not circumcize again and I am so, so, so very sorry that I ever did and I hope that my son can only forgive me my greatest parenting mistake and regret. And I hope I can find someway to forgive myself. I keep trying to tell myself, 'When you know better you do better'. And I did not do better because I didn't know better.

My final thought is this: I can't believe that such a cruel act of tradegy is visited upon so many innocent babies and that is had become so normalized. My husband who witnessed it has been scarred by the experience.


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## hippiemommaof4

I regret it too. my first son had medical problems with Phimosis he was not circ at first but he had trouble urinating and was getting frequent uti's they recommended we have it done and it resolved however he has a buried penis now that while it is minor and mainly from his fat pad he still has there but it still makes me feel bad. I had my second son done out of fear from what my first went through mainly but I felt devestated from day 1 after doing it. I am expecting a 3rd son in march and he will not have it done and I am happy about it.


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## novaxmomof2

Both of my boys were circumsized and both my husband and I deeply regret it. I am so angry with myself for not doing the research and for just doing what the doctors recommended. I was DEVASTATED when I realized what we had done. I failed them as a mother during a critical time and I just pray that they don't resent me one day for not protecting them from a horrifying procedure.


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## Bitzy

My dh was 100% set on circ'ing our son and I didn't put up enough of a fight. If the circumstances at the time had been different (long story), I might have been stronger but I caved and "went along to get along". I have regretted it wholeheartedly. It is a savage and unnecessary procedure and I'm ashamed for putting my beautiful boy through it.

Today, at the age of just 3, my son has a lot of issues with chafing and irritation. This ONLY occurs where his foreskin should still be. It saddens me beyond words because I *know* that he would not have these issues if he'd been left intact.

The only bright spot in this story is that I've finally been able to convince my husband that circ'ing is unnecessary, as is the whole "sons should look like daddy" nonsense. Our future sons will be left intact, as God intended. It won't change what has already past but at least we won't repeat the same horrible mistake.


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## jenneology

I too regret consenting to my son's circumcision. I hadn't know what I know now about it at the time. After the fact, I felt the ONLY argument that had any semblance of reason to it was preventing infection, but then I learned that my LO is prone to infection around the penis head, probably because of the circumcision! Makes me so mad! My husband who is also circ'd has to pay very close attention to cleaning around his penis head, very much like a pp said about wiping one's butt. If he's having to show the same intensity of care to his circ's penis as a unaltered male, doesn't that procedure defeat the purpose????


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## Super Glue Mommy

First of all, I thought my kids penises looked better before they were circ'd. We did it "just because" with my first son. With my second son, I didn't feel comfortable, but I was busy trying to gain support from my husband over the vaccine issue, which was a huge priority at the time because my DS1 is ASD. We didnt have a "bad" experience, like nothing "horrible" other then the obvious, as circ in itself is pretty horrible, but I still regret it. I am really big for children's rights (especially the no spanking issue) and I can't believe my mind was so warped by society that I thought this was normal?! It was my son's decision to make, not mine, and I regret it.


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## 3kidsclmr

I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".


----------



## Fellow Traveler

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3kidsclmr* 
I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".

I am sorry to hear this too. It sounds like you're doing all you can and that is the best we can hope for. Some people just don't want to listen to the logical, factual truth. If you want to try a different tract perhaps you could ask her why it isn't recommend by any pediatric organization, not done in any other western country, and why there is consideration of a ban on the practice in Australia and Denmark. If you need help finding those resources please let me know.


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## Swan3

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Yulia_R* 
.

OMG, I just watched that video (closed my eyes a LOT). That poor poor precious babe! I sobbed while watching it and couldn't go to the end. I already knew no son of mine would be circumsized but DH still talks about doing "research" before deciding. End of discussion. This video will be part of the research he'll be forced to do next time he brings it up.









My job as a mother is to protect my children. This will NEVER happen to a child of mine. NEVER.

OMG, why is this LEGAL????


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Swan3* 
OMG, why is this LEGAL????

That's what I keep asking myself all the time. How in the world do doctors get away with that?!


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## TerriCA

I regret circumcising my son. I did it because my sister had her sone done too. I wish though I had read up on what circumcision entails. It was awful watching him being circumcised (yes I watched). I couldn't forgive myself for putting my son through it then and I don't think I shall ever forgive or forget.

Its sad that so many people think that circumcision is the right thing to do and have their sons done even though there is no medical requirement for it. Whats even more sad is that many women think an uncircumcised penis is sick/disgusting/gross, etc. Here's a link to an article I came across that potrays how these women think. Think its about time people were educated about this.

http://www.healthmad.com/Men&#39;s-Healt...n-Women.541911


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## TerriCA

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3kidsclmr* 
I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".

I can identify with what you are feeling - I feel the same right now. I hope your nurse friend does have a girl. One would have thought that health professionals would know better, but I guess they've been numbed by watching this supposedly "painless" procedure. I hate docs/nurses - they just don't give you the full picture or the full facts.


----------



## robertandenith

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TerriCA* 
I regret circumcising my son. I did it because my sister had her sone done too. I wish though I had read up on what circumcision entails. It was awful watching him being circumcised (yes I watched). I couldn't forgive myself for putting my son through it then and I don't think I shall ever forgive or forget.

Its sad that so many people think that circumcision is the right thing to do and have their sons done even though there is no medical requirement for it. Whats even more sad is that many women think an uncircumcised penis is sick/disgusting/gross, etc. Here's a link to an article I came across that potrays how these women think. Think its about time people were educated about this.

http://www.healthmad.com/Men&#39;s-Healt...n-Women.541911









I just wanted to give you my support...


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## invitation

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.
I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.
I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *invitation* 
I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected...


How about respecting her SON's views and basic human rights? After all, it's not her husband who will be baring the life long consequences of this senseless amputative
surgery.


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## JenniferLS

i recently (as of a week ago) found out the TRUTH about circumcision...unfortunately it was three and a half years too late for my precious little boy. i'm dealing with very serious regret. My mother was a nurse...she told me the logical benefits of circumcision...she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!
So, I guess that convinced me, in spite of my dad's incredible opposition, to circumcise. So, to make a long story short...now that I know the truth, I apologized to my dad for not listening to him...and I asked him to share the mdc articles with my mother. I guess I was hoping, to A) get her to understand the error of her way (even though uninformed and well-intentioned) and B)get her to sympathize with my regret...and I was hoping that she would in turn feel regretful for her decisions so she could understand me better. (believe me, I'm not saying that I wanted her to feel bad, but I wanted her to feel bad).

I just asked her about it, if she'd read the article. She read one and said, WOW it's amazing how much they know about circumcision now. As though this was unknown info...I think it was known, but brushed aside.
She didn't feel bad at all, though. She said she could understand why I would wonder about my decision and why I might not choose that again.
But she couldn't understand why I should feel bad about it.

AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! So now I wonder if it was even worth passing on to her, or should I just have kept my mouth shut. Now she'll probably just assume that I'll be judgmental of her. UggGHHH!!!!! No wonder I was so afraid to have a daughter---thank goodness I do have a daughter though!

Any advice?

Jennifer


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## Galatea

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JenniferLS* 
i recently (as of a week ago) found out the TRUTH about circumcision...unfortunately it was three and a half years too late for my precious little boy. i'm dealing with very serious regret. My mother was a nurse...she told me the logical benefits of circumcision...she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!
So, I guess that convinced me, in spite of my dad's incredible opposition, to circumcise. So, to make a long story short...now that I know the truth, I apologized to my dad for not listening to him...and I asked him to share the mdc articles with my mother. I guess I was hoping, to A) get her to understand the error of her way (even though uninformed and well-intentioned) and B)get her to sympathize with my regret...and I was hoping that she would in turn feel regretful for her decisions so she could understand me better. (believe me, I'm not saying that I wanted her to feel bad, but I wanted her to feel bad).

I just asked her about it, if she'd read the article. She read one and said, WOW it's amazing how much they know about circumcision now. As though this was unknown info...I think it was known, but brushed aside.
She didn't feel bad at all, though. She said she could understand why I would wonder about my decision and why I might not choose that again.
But she couldn't understand why I should feel bad about it.

AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! So now I wonder if it was even worth passing on to her, or should I just have kept my mouth shut. Now she'll probably just assume that I'll be judgmental of her. UggGHHH!!!!! No wonder I was so afraid to have a daughter---thank goodness I do have a daughter though!

Any advice?

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer,

You just cannot expect someone else to react in the way that you would, unfortunately. It sounds like she actually reacted more positively than most in that she acknowledged that circumcision is not such a good idea. Many people don't even admit that. She may feel bad but be unable to admit it, or she may think there is no point in crying over spilt milk. Neither of which means that you cannot feel bad about the circumcision. It is normal for you to feel bad, and though you cannot change what happened to your son, you can make a difference by speaking out to save other boys who aren't born yet. We understand your pain. When your son is older, you can tell him about foreskin restoration, but that is a long way off. Don't beat yourself up too much - you do what you knew how to do, and in many places there is overwhelming cultural pressure to circumcise.


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## Yulia_R

I'm so sorry, mama (HUGS).

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JenniferLS* 
she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!

If I could bet my money on it, I'd say your brother was needlessly circ'd. I bet it's whether he failed to retract by the age of five (which IS totally NORMAL) or your mom (or a pediatrician) was retracting his forskin to clean (which is a HUGE mistake that can cause multiple problems, one of them is infections. Like if you keep ripping a nail off its finger bed it WILL get infected sooner or later)


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## LionessMom

I regret circ'ing my 13 yo DS. He was circed in the hospital days after his birth. I am grateful that he did not have any complications.

I hadnt read about circ'ing since then until i was preg with DD and found MDC. If this one we are expecting is a boy, he will not be circ'ed regardless of what DH has to say about it. IIf he wants it done he has to watch that video of the baby being circed. if he still wants to do it after that, then too bad b/c my foot is down.


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## JenniferLS

Galatea...thank you so much for the positive feedback. It's very helpful.

Yulia R...you are ABSOLUTELY right! My mom said she just had so much trouble cleaning my brother under the foreskin----BIG NO NO now we KNOW! I don't know if this is too much psycho-babble, but the doctor who did the circ (thankfully my brother was under general anesthesia) told my mom that my brother would probably hate her for the rest of his life. Don't know if my brother remembers it (maybe it's supressed) but he definitely has NEVER gotten along with my mom EVER probably since around that time...he was always a behavior problem and ALWAYS resents my mother's criticisms, etc. He has no respect for her and when they're not fighting, they basically don't say much to each other at all. It's a very uncomfortable situation and it is extremely painful for my mother. I just can't help but wonder if psychologically that most probably unnecessary circumcision is the very deep root of the problem. It would be interesting to see studies on this.

Thanks again for everyone's input.

I thought of an idea last night to help me get through this...don't know if anyone else has done this (probably so) or thought about it. But, I think for closure, it would be most helpful to write a letter to the pediatrician who circ'd my little boy. Just want him to know how painfully I now regret it and wished he could have at least MENTIONED that it wasn't medically necessary...and pray that he can think about discouraging other new moms who might not know...I think pediatricians have an obligation to at least say it's not medically necessary. He's not our pediatrician any longer, simply because we had to move to another state a couple months after my son was born.

These message boards sure are helpful in dealing with all these thoughts and feelings. What a blessing!

Jennifer


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JenniferLS* 
Galatea...thank you so much for the positive feedback. It's very helpful.

Yulia R...you are ABSOLUTELY right! My mom said she just had so much trouble cleaning my brother under the foreskin----BIG NO NO now we KNOW! I don't know if this is too much psycho-babble, but the doctor who did the circ (thankfully my brother was under general anesthesia) told my mom that my brother would probably hate her for the rest of his life. Don't know if my brother remembers it (maybe it's supressed) but he definitely has NEVER gotten along with my mom EVER probably since around that time...he was always a behavior problem and ALWAYS resents my mother's criticisms, etc. He has no respect for her and when they're not fighting, they basically don't say much to each other at all. It's a very uncomfortable situation and it is extremely painful for my mother. I just can't help but wonder if psychologically that most probably unnecessary circumcision is the very deep root of the problem. It would be interesting to see studies on this.

Jennifer, I'm so sorry about the relationship between your brother and his mom. It must be so painful for both of them as well as other family members. I don't know if circ itself had anything to do with this (after all he was under GA), but the fact that forcible retraction is VERY painful, kind of like ripping off a finger nail (so if your mom did that on a regular basis it definitely could be VERY traumatizing for your brother) did not help it.
I know your mom had your brother's best interest in heart and thought she was doing the right thing by retracting and cleaning it. But emotions and sentiments aside, how would you define a constant very painful manipulation of child's genitals against his will? So, of course this could form a lot of bad feelings and resistance.


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## JenniferLS

Very interesting point...thanks for sharing that. Don't know if it helps now, but it sure helps with perspective. Maybe one day they can both heal from this.


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## amandaleigh37

I posted in this thread a long time ago. My DS is almost 2 1/2 now and he was circ'd because I was ignorant at the time.

Just found out yesterday we are having another boy







:

Obviously, this child will be left intact - no question there. I'm not looking forward to hearing crap from family, but I am looking forward to another chance to do the right thing. I know it won't change the horrible mistake I made with DS, but at least the cycle will be broken in our family.


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## writteninkursive

I have to add to this thread my fiance's circumcision story. He was born in 1982, the oldest of 4 boys (who are unbelievably _all_ circumcised!
The circumcision only removed part of the foreskin and left a chunk intact, which remained attached to his penis for 12 years. (His parents apparently didn't think anything was wrong with it). Up until he was 12, he was plagued with constant itching of the head of his penis, and consequently, rubbed it for years until finally a part of the remaining foreskin came off. (This also led to a very early discovery of masturbation). He now has a half-retractable penis, that he is extremely self-conscious of because of a less-than-stellar, quite unnecessary circumcision! I wish all the fathers out there who wanted their sons circumcised to "look like them" could understand that there are many, many more instances of flawed circumcisions than any sort of infection or teasing caused by being uncircumcised! Natural penises are beautiful, and not scarred with purple bands around them where they were cut!


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## Fi.

Quote:

He was born in 1982, the oldest of 4 boys (who are unbelievably all circumcised!
Doesn't surprise me at all - something like 80-90% of boys in the early 80s were cut. Mostly only preemies and son's of intact fathers (who also had intact fathers) escaped the knife back then.


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## Bm31

Quote:


Originally Posted by *writteninkursive* 
I wish all the fathers out there who wanted their sons circumcised to "look like them" could understand that there are many, many more instances of flawed circumcisions than any sort of infection or teasing caused by being uncircumcised!

This is so true! Circumcision is really such a hack job of a "surgery"! Not only do you run the risk of sexual impairment or other complications, but they hardly ever come out looking the same. Some ex-friends of mine freely admitted their first two sons circ's looked totally different, yet when they had the third they were still going to do it so he wouldn't look.....different!!!


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## happyhippimama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amandaleigh37* 
I posted in this thread a long time ago. My DS is almost 2 1/2 now and he was circ'd because I was ignorant at the time.

Just found out yesterday we are having another boy







:

Obviously, this child will be left intact - no question there. I'm not looking forward to hearing crap from family, but I am looking forward to another chance to do the right thing. I know it won't change the horrible mistake I made with DS, but at least the cycle will be broken in our family.


I am in the same boat! And this time, will leave my son's penis alone. I will probably not get flack from family, but it may take DH doing some of his own online research to realize that we should have never done it to my other sons and we will leave this one intact.


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## Night_Nurse

Bumping.


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## A&A




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## ChickFamily

Out of all the parenting decisions I have made this is one I FULLY regret and wish I could turn back time on. I circed my first son but not my current son.

With my first son I did not know better, infact I didnt know anything at all. I never researched it, I was young, my hubby is circed, my family said it was a good thing, every other baby boy I meet in 2004 was circed and that was that. I assumed that was how it should be. I grew up in a family of ALL girls so I didnt know about the penis and only ever saw a circed one.

When I was in the hospital they were getting my information into the computer. They asked all the regular questions about what is your birthdate, address etc. Then they asked breast or bottle feeding and then they said are you going to circumcise him and then just stared at me. I looked over at dh and he just looked at me to answer and I was just like "yeah" and that was that









So they did it and I could hear him screaming but when they brought him to me he seemed fine. He nursed and all was well so I thought

We left the hospital and his penis just looked soo bad to me but again I assumed it was normal (turns out that yes it is normal to look like that when you slice it up)







:
At home I was putting tons of vaseline on it but then I noticed it started to bleed very bad, I called the Dr who did it (not our ped) and they said to bring him in. He looked at him and said to me "Oh its okay I just took off a little more skin then I should of, but its okay b/c when he is older the girls will like him b/c it will look really big" as he was smiling and sorda chuckleling as to find a way to justify why he took off more skin then normal. I was horrified b.c why would you say that to his mother, I mean I do not want to think about how girls need to think he is big. I was very upset. I couldnt beleive a Dr would say that to a parent let alone make a mistake like that by taking too much skin off

He sent us to get bloodwork done to check to see if he had issues clotting. We get to the lab and they put us in a room for over 45 minutes. We started to get mad and would peek our heads out and noticed they were avoiding us, finally the tech comes in and says look "Im not going to do this, If I draw this much blood from him he would have to be put back into the hospital and be GIVEN blood!! She could not understand why they ordered that much. We were angry and relieved at the same time, what if we had a tech who didnt know any better and just drew the blood from my sweet three day old son which would cause his life to be in jeopardy??? I was sooo upset and hysterical, I could not figure out what happened. WE go back home and I call the dr and they went and checke the records and said "oops we are sorry , Dr so and so ACCIDENTALLY ordered the test twice" (it was a different dr than the one who did the cir) I said well he is not bleeding anymore and they said oh well then dont worry about it. WHAT???? you said dont worry about it since it stopped but before it was so important to get it done? On top of that they mad ANOTHER mistake.......my son paid and was going to pay for their "ACCIDENTS" and that is just so wrong on so many levels. I had severe PPD with him and maybe these things helped aid in that b/c I kept holding him and thinking he is soo perfect, what did/was I doing.

He is definetly scarred phsyically by this, his penis after that looked nothing like any of the male babies I saw (which is ironic b/c I was trying to make him look like all the male babies I saw before he was born) His head of his penis is VERY big and looks like an adult males, it also is a little more bulgey under the head. Every check up we go to I ask if it is okay and will he be okay and the answer is always yes but emotinally when he is older he may not be okay and I have to live with that I made that decision for him.





















:























What is made worse for me is I found out later after learning what I know now and sharing it with my dh that if I would of came to him and showed him the reasons for being intact our son would still be whole and that hurts me more than anything and is why I blame myself.







I only wish ONE person would of put the thought into my head to question what I was going to do and that would of lead me to research

We went on to have a daugther and then another son who is intact! My oldest is now 5 and is a very happy and healthy boy but I know that one day I will have to explain to him what we or should I say I let happen to him and I hope that he will understand that at the time we THOUGHT we were doing what was right. I love him so much that I would of NEVER knowingly hurt him for no reason.

I can not stress how important it is to research something even if you "think" you may know the answer. Most importantly I have realized it is not my body to make those kinds of decisions anyway.

Instead of leaving him how God intended him to be I let some doctor, a stranger, a man who I did not even know decide how my son was going to look. Why? He was perfect!

sorry this got long


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## Galatea

Hugs to you, mama.

I think it is too late for you to sue the doctor but your son may be able to. It is worth checking in to.


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## benj

ah, i did not realize that there were so many parents who regret circumcising. this is such a sad topic. i think you're all great parents regardless. you just wanted to do what was best with your kids with the information you had at the time. you all seem to be such loving parents, and your sons will probably understand. we all just keep moving forward though.


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## A&A




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## cricketsmomma

it's been 12 hours and I've regretted it every second so far. Stupid me left it up to DH, assuming he'd have the good sense to think independently. But he instead chose to become part of the he-should-look-like daddy crowd. And he found a pediatrician who made him feel better by saying that it virtually eliminates the risk of penile cancer. (I'd really love to know just how many people actually get penile cancer...) I should have refused to allow this.
I'm trying really really hard not to consider this some kind of child abuse, but if it didn't occur in a medical setting and if insurance wasn't paying for it, that's exactly what it would be called.
My perfect little boy has screamed for most of his awake time today - way more than he's cried altogether over the 2 weeks we've had him. he keeps staring kind of off over my shoulder - won't study my face like he liked to do before.
I hope my kid forgives me for not standing up for him.


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## Fellow Traveler

I am so sorry to hear this.







A







for you. At this point you can't beat yourself up too much about it; what's done is done. What you can do is hang around here and spend time learning more so that if the situation comes up again, you can be prepared.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cricketsmomma* 
(I'd really love to know just how many people actually get penile cancer...) I should have refused to allow this.

Consider this, perhaps, a first step in learning. If you really want to know, you can look here keeping in mind the population of American men is in excess of 100 million. Or read this other page from the American Cancer Society.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cricketsmomma* 
My perfect little boy has screamed for most of his awake time today - way more than he's cried altogether over the 2 weeks we've had him. he keeps staring kind of off over my shoulder - won't study my face like he liked to do before.
I hope my kid forgives me for not standing up for him.

I am sure he will but I hope you'll take some time here, ask questions and better prepare yourself if there is a next time for you, your friends, or perhaps even your son.


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## Papai

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cricketsmomma* 
it's been 12 hours and I've regretted it every second so far. Stupid me left it up to DH, assuming he'd have the good sense to think independently. But he instead chose to become part of the he-should-look-like daddy crowd. And he found a pediatrician who made him feel better by saying that it virtually eliminates the risk of penile cancer. (I'd really love to know just how many people actually get penile cancer...) I should have refused to allow this.
I'm trying really really hard not to consider this some kind of child abuse, but if it didn't occur in a medical setting and if insurance wasn't paying for it, that's exactly what it would be called.
My perfect little boy has screamed for most of his awake time today - way more than he's cried altogether over the 2 weeks we've had him. he keeps staring kind of off over my shoulder - won't study my face like he liked to do before.
I hope my kid forgives me for not standing up for him.

Penile cancer???? That's what convinced him?

Penile cancer is actually way rarer than male breast cancer. So yeah, on top of circ not preventing it (it just manifests in the circ scar line), it's for a pretty rare disease to begin with. Sorry.


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## Papai

ChickFamily, amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing.


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Papai* 
Penile cancer???? That's what convinced him?

Penile cancer is actually way rarer than male breast cancer. So yeah, on top of circ not preventing it (it just manifests in the circ scar line), it's for a pretty rare disease to begin with. Sorry.











http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/en...t_uids=3944860

The tumors involved the prepuce (n = 1), prepuce and distal shaft (n = 1), circumcision scar line (n = 2), circumcision scar line and distal shaft
http://www.ajsp.com/pt/re/ajsp/abstr...195629!8091!-1


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## cricketsmomma

well, our little one is on the mend. DH has had to work a little more on this one... running out in the middle of the night for tylenol, changing every dipe for 2 days... he still swears he did the right thing. Of course he'd never admit to anything else.
Thanks for the penile cancer info! I've shared it with his sister (he doesn't care to learn about it) and she was pretty surprised. She also thought that you had to retract and clean every time the kid pees or poos from now til they're old enough to do it themselves. I think a lot of this decision was driven by misinformation, which made DH feel like he had something of more substance than he-should-look-like-daddy.
Ironic too, that my SIL's second boy had complications after his first circ and had to go an hour away to a children's hospital to have it re-done. some kind of adhesions, I think. I had hoped she'd have been more of an advocate on my side, but I guess not. at least after it's done she's willing to listen. Too bad DH can't do that.
oh i'm so glad to have support from you understanding mamas!


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## cruiz31

One of my biggest regrets is that I let my son, who is now 14 be circumsized. The other is that I let him be vaccinated. What really upsets me is that even though I had different views back then I still questioned circumcision but did it anyway because I was concerned about how society would look at him. I didn't want him to be embarrassed the first time he was with a girl. Now my son has Autism and will never be with a girl in that way. I feel like I did something for a foolish reason and now that reason doesn't even exist. I am now pregnant with my fourth child(second boy) and I will not let anyone mangle the beautiful body he is born with. Just ask yourself one question. Does it make sense that the whole male portion of the human species would be born with a part of their body that needs to be cut off immediately after birth? That is completely illogical!


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## KJoslyn78

My son was circed also at 11 days old... and i regrett it every day. I too let dad make that decision, since well, he has a penis and i don't. I wish i was able to have found more research at that time (3 years ago) as to why not too do it... but all i found was reasons to do it.

I hated the "tortoure" of not allowing him to BF for the 6+ hours before it ws done (and we had to wait an additional hour once we got there because the OB was in a delivary, and the OB, not the Ped, does circs where we lived). He screamed and cried to nurse nearly the entire time we were in the waiting room.

But the biggest gunt retching was when they brought me in to see him, and nurse him, after it was done, and seeing the... device... that i knew he was strapped into. It torn my heart out and i wish i just had someone to tell me he didnt NEED to have it done.


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## lawmama1984

Wow, I have been reading through these posts and I just want to throw out big







to all of you moms. I know that this could easily have been me.

I went back and forth with the circ decision while I was pregnant. When I was 19 weeks, I threw out the idea to my DH and my dad (who happens to be a Dr.). They both said "Yes you are. You have to." Well, something about it rubbed me the wrong way and I mentioned it to a few friends and got the "eww gross" response. So, when we were interviewing pediatricians, I asked about circumcision. The first doctor we went to (and didn't choose) went into these horrible stories (I thought he was being dramatic, but now I am so grateful he tells moms to be this) about the complications, how some babies die, etc. He was a little offbeat (not in a good MDC way







) so we interviewed a second pedi. I can't believe how far I've come, really. When we went into his office which he shared with another doctor, I asked if both of them performed circs. Since the other doctor didn't, I only wanted to speak with him (the doctor who did). Gross. Anyway, while we were talking with him, he really emphasized how medically unnecessary circ is. Like over and over. I had to keep saying "Yes, but we want to."

Well, anyway, after my son was born, I never even really got to see his intact penis (and the only ones I had seen had been on the internet) because he was in the Level 2 Nursery...and honestly, while that was very difficult and made BF a challenge (which I ultimately never conquered), I am SO thankful for that extra time he had. My son's bassinet was also right by the circ room and the screams out of that room....







: I was trying to learn how to nurse, and the cries of those poor babies made me so nervous and shaky. Yet, somehow, I still convinced myself that somehow it would be OK. Anyway, fast forward to my release date. The pedi comes in and asks me if I still want him circ'd. I said "yes" (seriously wth was I thinking?!?!) and he told me that we'd wait until one of his check ups since he had been through so much at the hospital. Well, fast forward to his 1 week, 2 week check up...the pedi doesn't mention it. I keep asking my DH why he hasn't brought it up and telling my DH to ask about it. By this point, I think my wonderful DH was not wanting to do it at all. He kept telling me he was "fine either way" but he wasn't active in seeking it out (he even took DS to his 2 week appt alone and he was intact when he came home!). I spent SO many nights just holding my sleeping baby boy, crying, agonizing over the decision. At this point, for some reason, I still had so many mainstream thoughts in my head (likely b/c I was part of a much more mainstream board that I have since left). Something inside of me rejected the idea so strongly, but I felt like I HAD to, for some reason. So, finally at the one month appt. the pedi brings it up...he just says "So, you still want to circ him?" and thank goodness I had spoken with my doulas, watched DVDs, internet videos, changed a ton of my son's diapers and I said "No, we don't want to do that anymore" and the pediatrician just said "OK." You know, we ended up switching pedis for a family doctor but I am SO beyond thankful for this doctor (on this issue at least!). I have to think he purposefully mentioned 123819832 times how unnecessary it was, made me wait (maybe he could tell how torn up I was about it?) until one month old, etc.

Anyway, that was a really long story, but even though my son is intact, I feel like I can really identify with you women who regret it b/c I was thisclose. One thing my mom always used to say to me was "There but for grace go I." (OK, not exactly but I want to avoid religious references







) I know that I could easily be posting my own horror story here, but instead I am able to post a comforting message to you Moms and for that I am truly thankful.

I really think giving parents time to get to recover from their birth, research, get to know their child etc. would be greatly beneficial to moms and avoid some of these feelings of regret. But







to all of you from me. I can really understand how you feel, and while I hope you are able to break the cycle, I also hope you are able to let go of the guilt and move on as best you can.


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## valsblondies

I regret having my sons circ'd. With DS #1, I honestly didnt even consider not circ-ing. I didnt know anybody who didnt circ and assumed everyone did it. With DS #2, 7 yrs later, I felt strongly against but DH wanted it and I gave in. This I regret so much. I knew it was wrong and aloowed it to happen. I am now pregnant w/ DS #3. DH has now changed his mind and is ok w/ non-circ. This is wonderful for DS but I am so sad for the other 2. I would reccommend your friend and her husband wait on circ until he is 1. This gives them more time to decide what is right and her DH may change his mind. You cant go back after the cut is made. Its also alot harder to put your child that you have grown to love through such an unneccessary precedure than a newborn (especially for men who tend to bond after baby is born).


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## Quirky

bumpity bump


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## hennaLisa

http://org2.democracyinaction.org/o/...tition_KEY=473

"No medical society in the world recommends male circumcision - yet newborn male circumcision is the most common surgical procedure in the U.S. This painful and risky procedure deprives over a million boys each year of healthy, functional tissue, while increasing medical costs by an average of $678 per baby.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) is developing public health recommendations for the U.S. on male circumcision that could ignore the serious risks of this non-therapeutic surgery, such as hemorrhage, infection, surgical mishap, and death.

The CDC is the foremost expert on public health in our country and, as such, has a responsibility to share the truth about circumcision. Sign our petition to the CDC below and demand a truthful statement on the risks and harms of newborn male circumcision."


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## MacMorrighan

Hey guys, I'm a new member, here, but I thought I'd chime in even though this is a very old thread. As a circumcised male from birth, I have always had what I now regard as severe sexual dysfunction, because I have never been able to have an orgasm through intercourse with any of the lovers I've ever known throughout my life. I began to think that this can't be "natural"! Then I realized that I masturbate in a way that I am simply not stimulated during intercourse: I have no foreskin to rub up and down my glans to cause the ejaculatory reflex! Sadly, I know many women who are revolted by the foreskin, and some who have declared that they would have their sons cut again, if given the chance! When I explained to one woman about the lack of sexual sensitivity in the penis--and my in particular--she scoffed at the issue when she responded that her husband (who was cut() laughed at the very notion. But, isn't that like asking a blind man to describe the color "orange". I even know that, albeit I am only 30, I have even less sensitivity than what I used to. And, the knowledge that intact men experience so much more pleasure than I ever will for the whole of my existence (8-0-90% more) haunts me! Sometimes it makes em seriously depressed, in fact, because I know that there is NOTHING that I can do about it--NOTHING! There a way to create a faux-skin by stretching out the shaft skin, but it doesn't replace those specialized tissues that are FILLED with nerve endings. Why parents seem to believe that they have some sort of right over their son's body is something that I simply do not "get". And, why don't more parents question the accepted "wisdom"? After all, why mess with how we've come into the world, anyway?

By the way, something else that's always plagues me are intact fathers who allow their sons to be circumcised! A couple older teachers whom I had in high School (in their 60s or so) were intact, yet their sons were all cut! They, of all people, should have known the pleasurable benefits of the foreskin, so why'd they let this happen?


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## Yulia_R

MacMorrighan, welcome to MDC!

I would like to give you





















and say that you are not alone! There are thousands of men with simular circ complications.

I pm'd you some info that you may find helpful. Let me know if you have any questions.

I'm so sorry it happened to you.
yulia


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## Latte Mama

I'm so, so ashamed to be writing this post yet I feel I must get it out. My son is circ'd because I didn't do the research







I also let Dad make the decision and like so many others, he did it because he is circ'd.

I tried for 15 years to have a child and suffered many losses. So when I got pregnant yet again, they classified me as high risk and I was put on several sustaining meds. The entire pregnancy my focus was on getting my baby here safely and I failed to look beyond that. That is my only weak excuse for not researching circ thoroughly.

I consider myself and my son very lucky that we had no complications. I do want another child and I know without a doubt if I was to have another son that we will not ever circ again. NEVER. I co sleep, breastfeed, and wear my son and I failed him with this. It makes me angry and sad.


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## Night_Nurse

Hugs, latte mama! No parent is perfect and you're now armed with more information for your next pregnancy. Please also share your story with any pregnant family members or friends. I think parents who regret circing can make a huge difference by sharing what they know.


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## Night_Nurse

Bumping for someone.


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## tennisdude23

To the poster above, I would get a second legal opinion. If the child's mother is finding it difficult to support herself, then perhaps you should pursue your case in the best interest of the boy. Waiting several years can be a awful long time, and you should consider and/or try to exhaust all your options before making a final decision.


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## KJoslyn78

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tennisdude23* 
To the poster above, I would get a second legal opinion. If the child's mother is finding it difficult to support herself, then perhaps you should pursue your case in the best interest of the boy. Waiting several years can be a awful long time, and you should consider and/or try to exhaust all your options before making a final decision.

You need to realize that this is not someone from the US - but another country where courts may view things very, very differently. If this poster was from the US - i would agree though


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## tennisdude23

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KJoslyn78* 
You need to realize that this is not someone from the US - but another country where courts may view things very, very differently. If this poster was from the US - i would agree though

Well, we are talking about Sweden, a country with a well established, codified legal system. My assumption is that there will be greater similarities in the law than differences. I am still of the opinion that the poster should investigate all the legal options at hand. Waiting until the mother ends up in a shelter could be detrimental to the child's well being. Vindictiveness should be laid aside and the case should be pursued from the standpoint of what's in the best interest of the child. I believe that the boy should end up with the family member that can provide the best emotional and financial support in the long term, whether that be the parents, grandparents, and/or legal guardian.


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## jessjgh1

I wanted to comment about your statement that you would start restoration for your son. I'm not sure if that was actually what you meant, but that is the type of process that is done by the individual and would be considered a bit of a violation for you to do it for him.
As for the circumstances around your son, I'd be afraid she'd leave the country and take your son with her. Good luck in navigating this situation. I can completely understand how it would leave you so angry- and I'm happy there are places in the world that see circumcision as the human rights violation it is. I hope this situation is not any more tragic than it already is... you make it sound like your son is really in an unsafe (unloving) environment.

Perhaps you could start a new thread so we can offer suggestion (if that is what you would like) and support, but keep this thread on topic?

Jessica


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## jessjgh1

with (hugs) to our families with regrets


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## OperaDiva

Well add me to the list of mamas who regret it. See my other thread titled "in case you needed another reason - circ horror story" for details. In short, we had a major complication with bleeding and my son could have died if I hadn't realized how bad it was, and as it was he needed a transfusion and a second operation to fix it.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow

I have removed numerous posts from this thread. I want to remind everyone of the TCAC guidelines:

Quote:

In an effort to minimize language which might alienate those seeking information, we are cautious about using pejorative terms such as abuse, barbarism, mutilation, etc. when routinely discussing circumcision. Let the facts speak for themselves.


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## superdad25

Hello everyone,
I hope this post reaches some father reading this thread. I'm going to try to do my best to save any more boys/men from having to live with altered bodies that they didn't choose. I was circumcised at birth. When my son was born a few years ago my wife and I both stressed over the decision to circumcise. I didn't want to go through with it, not because I had done a bunch of reasearch, but because I didn't think there was a good reason to cut perfectly good skin off a newborn. My wife was convinced it was the right thing to do. One of her principal reasons was so he could look like me. I realize now how crazy that was (now he can resent me like I do my parents, and feel abused like I do) Because this was our first child, and we had only been married a short time I didn't stand up to her with what I knew to be true in my heart. At least she listened to me about the method, which I believe saved the most skin possable, and was the safest, given the options that were available. I never reflected on my own circumcised status when deciding not to stand up to her. Over the last week I've been researching, and reflecting on my own sex life, and I'm convinced that being circumcised has caused me difficulties. I remember it bothering me very much during adolescence, becase it was rubbing against my clothing. Certain things during sex have never felt quite right to me, and now that I know how it is done, it sure explains a lot. No doctor should be able to decide for you how much or how little to take, and decide what you will feel for the rest of your life. I think my experience and my sons has tramatized us, and changed our behavior. I'm sad every time I think about the situation. I hope I never have to talk to my son about it, I cry even thinking about that day. To date this is the biggest regret of my life.

There is no reason to perform surgury on a minor without their consent, unless there is an immediate risk.


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *superdad25* 
Hello everyone,
I hope this post reaches some father reading this thread. I'm going to try to do my best to save any more boys/men from having to live with altered bodies that they didn't choose. I was circumcised at birth. When my son was born a few years ago my wife and I both stressed over the decision to circumcise. I didn't want to go through with it, not because I had done a bunch of reasearch, but because I didn't think there was a good reason to cut perfectly good skin off a newborn. My wife was convinced it was the right thing to do. One of her principal reasons was so he could look like me. I realize now how crazy that was (now he can resent me like I do my parents, and feel abused like I do) Because this was our first child, and we had only been married a short time I didn't stand up to her with what I knew to be true in my heart. At least she listened to me about the method, which I believe saved the most skin possable, and was the safest, given the options that were available. I never reflected on my own circumcised status when deciding not to stand up to her. Over the last week I've been researching, and reflecting on my own sex life, and I'm convinced that being circumcised has caused me difficulties. I remember it bothering me very much during adolescence, becase it was rubbing against my clothing. Certain things during sex have never felt quite right to me, and now that I know how it is done, it sure explains a lot. No doctor should be able to decide for you how much or how little to take, and decide what you will feel for the rest of your life. I think my experience and my sons has tramatized us, and changed our behavior. I'm sad every time I think about the situation. I hope I never have to talk to my son about it, I cry even thinking about that day. To date this is the biggest regret of my life.

There is no reason to perform surgury on a minor without their consent, unless there is an immediate risk.

I'm so sorry for you, your son and all other victims of this harmful surgery (HUGS)
I, however, hope you do talk to your son about it one day, tell him about your regret and share your knowledge about the subject. So if one day he will be faced with this decision for his child he won't go ahead and cut him just because he was done. It is a very hard conversation, I understand, but also so very important one.


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## erin23kate

bumpity bump...


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## Mirichka

This is a huge reason why I am afraid to have another child. I feel like the only way I can have another son safely is if my family runs away to some place on the other side of the world..Australia maybe? The pressure from outside family would be enormous. No seriously, I cannot do this to another child of mine. The issue that one would look different from the other does not bother me so much, though it is unforgivable that my son is circumcised, I cannot allow it to be done again.


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## dinahx

(((Hugs))) Remember it is YOUR son, all you have to do is write your wish not to have him circumcised on a piece of paper and keep it with you. The medical staff is there to protect you from your family if need be, even if it doesn't always feel like it, they have to, that is their job! (To stand up for the wishes/rights of the mother/baby dyad).


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## TerriCA

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mirichka* 
This is a huge reason why I am afraid to have another child. I feel like the only way I can have another son safely is if my family runs away to some place on the other side of the world..Australia maybe? The pressure from outside family would be enormous. No seriously, I cannot do this to another child of mine. The issue that one would look different from the other does not bother me so much, though it is unforgivable that my son is circumcised, I cannot allow it to be done again.

I feel for you. Unfortunately, lots of other moms don't think like you and so this practice continues. Its because of hypocrisy like this that this hasn't been abolished as yet.


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## Night_Nurse

Bumping for someone...


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## mama24-7

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TerriCA* 
I feel for you. Unfortunately, lots of other moms don't think like you and so this practice continues. Its because of hypocrisy like this that this hasn't been abolished as yet.

the link doesn't work.

sus


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## Night_Nurse

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama24-7* 
the link doesn't work.

sus

It worked for me. If you can't get it to work again, just google the headline:
By Zensar on February 19th, 2009
Circumcision of Males in America and How it is Viewed by American Women


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## unschoolinmom

I'm not sure if I regret it, but I know that I will not circ any more males that i have later on down the road. After reading this forum and then doing research, I sat down with dh and told him no more.

Our ds, was circ'd without either of us being present. I did not fill out the form for that and while I slept, a nurse or doctor, I don't know, came in and took him from his bin and I woke up hearing my child screaming. She (the nurse i believe) brought him back, put him in my arms and said, "he's going to need to be soothed now" then left.

Dh at first wanted him circ'd because he was disgusted by the look of an intact one and wouldn't be able to look at his child. However, after I told him what had happened, he saw what it looked like afterward and hated it.

We are NOT doing it again and luckily our son has no memory of any of it.
We are not doing it


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## MommytoB

Deshanna,

I can't believe the nurse didn't even ask you if you wanted it done or not . That's unethical of that nurse to do that especially since you didn't sign any form.

Glad your keeping any future boys intact .


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## unschoolinmom

I'm still traumatized from that experience. I have never thought I would understand the fear of waking up to my child missing and hearing him screaming, but I have NOT forgotten it to this day.


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## Sopranos

Quote:


Originally Posted by *unschoolinmom* 
I'm still traumatized from that experience. I have never thought I would understand the fear of waking up to my child missing and hearing him screaming, but I have NOT forgotten it to this day.

You could EASILY sue and win.


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## proudmomof4

Just sending a







to everyone here.


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## Starcat2

I have to say that this thread has taken me a few days to get through but I've read every story on here and even though we're having a little girl the information and personal stories have led me to the decision if we have another child down the road and if it's a boy, he will never ever ever ever be circ'd.

Before MIL passed away, she had mentioned that she fell into a deep depression after circ' DH; she asked if DH was still scarred. I asked DH about it later (wasn't really comfortable talking about DH's genitalia with MIL!) and he said that the doctor performing the circ' screwed up and only cut 1/2 of the foreskin off so they did it again. He has 3 scars and it pains me to look at it every time.

No way will my children go through that, ever. I'll cut off someone's arm before they touch them.


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## Bisou

I absolutely can't believe they did that without your consent. Did either of you sign any forms? I know I was asked when my son was born and was told I had to sign a form if I wanted that done.

It's weird how I first started thinking about circumcision way before I was even a mother. I teach college and one time we were talking about FGM (female genital mutilation), and some adult male said, "Well, what about what they do to us??? They cut off parts of our penis, and we didn't have a say in that!" Whenever I'd talked to guys about it (on the rare occasion it had come up), they'd talk about how gross it was to NOT circ and how uncircumcised guys were gross (weird looking, smelly, and whatnot), so I was surprised when a BUNCH of men in my class piped in and said "Yeah! What about us! That's messed up!" I was a new teacher at the time, about 24-25, and I was shocked! These were mainly working class men at a community college, like mechanics and landscapers and sort of traditional "macho" men, not a bunch of hippies or alternative types. That's what first got me thinking about it and how weird it was that we'd remove something that boys were born with, something that was natural!

Later I dated a chiropractor, and in school they were all forced to watch a video of a circumcision. He said that he and all the men in his class said they'd NEVER do that to their kids after seeing that.

On the sex end of things, I've dated both circumcised and non-circumcised men, and the circumcised men definitely have a harder time keeping an erection, especially with a condom. It really does remove tissue that's important for arousal!

To top that off were the rare complications that I read about (penises being mutilated) or the more frequent infections. It seems crazy to subject a newborn to possible infection for no reason (no harm/insult meant to those of you who did decide to circ your boys).

After all of that, when I found out I was having a boy, I knew I wouldn't circumcise. If he wants to have it done later, that's his choice!

One thing that's weird to me is that men would even be in favor of this at all. They are generally so protective of penises! It seems weird that they'd be ok with someone coming near their son's penis with a knife under any circumstances. I know there's the impulse for the child to look "normal" and like dad. Thankfully now fewer and fewer boys are having this done, and now "normal" will really start to look like, well, what IS really normal!

(On a random side note, if only we could turn the tide with breast implants! They are so common now, I wouldn't be surprised if we considered that a routine surgery for girls at some point! Geez.)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *unschoolinmom* 
I'm not sure if I regret it, but I know that I will not circ any more males that i have later on down the road. After reading this forum and then doing research, I sat down with dh and told him no more.

Our ds, was circ'd without either of us being present. I did not fill out the form for that and while I slept, a nurse or doctor, I don't know, came in and took him from his bin and I woke up hearing my child screaming. She (the nurse i believe) brought him back, put him in my arms and said, "he's going to need to be soothed now" then left.

Dh at first wanted him circ'd because he was disgusted by the look of an intact one and wouldn't be able to look at his child. However, after I told him what had happened, he saw what it looked like afterward and hated it.

We are NOT doing it again and luckily our son has no memory of any of it.
We are not doing it


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## Nicksdad

Hello all,

I am the proud father of beautiful 5 month old baby boy. Unfortunately he was circumcised without my consent. We had our son out of wedlock and I spent the whole 9 months trying to talk his mother out of performing this ritual on our son without his consent. I sent her countless videos and emails regarding the subject. I am circumcised as well but also regret the fact that my mother made that choice for me.
This really disturbs me that this ritual was forced on my son unwillingly.
Her only reason was so he looks like other boys and so girls aren't disgusted by his penis. That is so ignorant!
How could people still perform this medieval ritual on a defenseless infant?

I am wondering if I have any legal recourse against her or the doctor. I never gave my consent.


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## Night_Nurse

Hello Nicksdad. Congratulations on your new son! Depending on where you live, I doubt you have any legal recourse. You could check with your lawyer, but typically in the US the hospital/doctor will honor the mother's wishes on newborn matters and the father doesn't have much say.
You might be able to have a legal document drawn that states both parents must be informed and in agreement for any future medical procedures that aren't life threatening (in case she wants to have him re-circed - it does happen). You can also talk to your son when he's older about how you didn't want him circed and how he can seek foreskin restoration if he desires. At least by talking to him he will know it was important to you and maybe he won't circumcise his future sons. I think that's really about all you can do at this point but maybe others will chime in with more info.


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## MommytoB

Nicksdad-where are you from ? Sorry your wife was into "be like everyone' fear that he wouldn't get a date if he had a foreskin' . I don't think you have any legal recourse to her or the doctor but you might have if you spoken upfront that you 'demanded that your son no be circ'ed but if you didn't . You just have to look up stats to show in the area where that intact males are becoming more of a trend than circ'ed males. Circ'ed males are going to end up the minority down the road but right now it's half half .
Also, show that the older generations were not around the foreskin population but now since parents are choosing to not circ their kids that the girls will more lkely see a mixture of circ and intact penises . But more likely to see more intact penises at their generation than we would have had as young uns . So more likely they won't be disgusted because who knows the boy may end up meeting an foriegner and have her freak out at his circ penis because overseas people rarely circ .


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## Bisou

Hi Nicksdad:

That's sad that this happened without your consent, and for such a dumb reason. In other parts of the world, female genitalia is regularly cut off and sewn up for similarly ridiculous reasons, and we are so uptight about sexuality in the US, I am surprised people don't think female mutilation is a good idea here as well!

If you are established as the legal father of your son, it seems like BOTH parents should have to consent to such a procedure, but the previous posters are probably correct that there isn't any law prohibiting this. That said, the absence of a law doesn't mean you can't sue. I'd seek a lawyer's advice on this topic, if you really want to go that route. I'd also think about writing a letter to your son, dated (and even notarized, if you want to go that route) that explains your feelings about what happened to him. He may end up feeling that it was no big deal when he is an adult (not that I think it's no big deal, but he may just accept it, as many men do), or he may feel the same way you do about it, but in any case, documenting your feelings and objections might not only show him how you felt at the time and that you cared, but it will also probably be theraupeutic for you.

I am a single mom, and I was glad that I didn't have anyone I had to argue with about this issue. My son's dad, though he is not involved, wasn't circumcised either, so I know he wouldn't have wanted that for his son. There's nothing gross about a natural/normal penis that's properly cleaned, just like any other part of your body!

I think we can take comfort in the fact that the tide does seem to be turning on this issue, even if slowly, and that circumcision is becoming less and less common as time goes on. I believe in my state, fewer males are circumcised than are uncircumcised, which is a great thing.


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## KGB

Wow! So many sad stories... I'm trying to read them all, I'm up to page 7, and I'm already pretty overwhelmed with emotions. I'm a soon-to-be father and won't circ any of my future sons. I am intact and I've thanked my parents for it. They told me they wanted to leave the decision up to me, and I've greatly repected them for that. This was back in 1977 when I'm sure the push for circs was in full-swing.

I'm sorry to hear about all the pain and regret many mothers face. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to share something so painful.

Thank you.


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## beru

Nicksdad,
I think it might be nice to write the doctor a letter. It wouldn't change anything official but you could tell him that he should informally consider both parents' wishes in the future. It's possible this could change the doctor's consent process.


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## KGB

This thread really needs to be made into a Sticky. This is one of the most valuable threads in the entire TCAC section IMO.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KGB* 
This thread really needs to be made into a Sticky. This is one of the most valuable threads in the entire TCAC section IMO.

This thread is the first link in the Resources sticky. We are not having individual stickies anymore due to how crowded and untidy the sticky area was becoming. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me, To-Fu or georgia via PM.


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## brittney_

I regret having my son circumcised.I was only 17 when he was born, and didn't really know better








. All the males in my family were circumcised without question, so I felt like I had to







. I wish so badly that I could take it back. I started lurking on MDC when he was only a few months old, I wish I had started sooner







.


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## yara1

I regret it so much. At that time, because of my ignorance and lack of information I thought that it "just cutting a lil' piece of skin of", something similar to piercing a girl's ears or so... (Damn! why somebody did not talk me out of it...).
After I saw videos of a procedure, read some information about it (and this horrifying circumstraint device too...) it made me so scared... to the point of being sick.

Now every time I change a diaper or see my son naked I remind it and getting anxious, annoyed, scared and bitter. He smiling to me and I'm thinking: "how could I allow to hurt you so bad, my dear angel"...
Why my mother's instinct did not work... ?


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## Yulia_R

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yara1* 
I regret it so much. At that time, because of my ignorance and lack of information I thought that it "just cutting a lil' piece of skin of", something similar to piercing a girl's ears or so... (Damn! why somebody did not talk me out of it...).
After I saw videos of a procedure, read some information about it (and this horrifying circumstraint device too...) it made me so scared... to the point of being sick.

Now every time I change a diaper or see my son naked I remind it and getting anxious, annoyed, scared and bitter. He smiling to me and I'm thinking: "how could I allow to hurt you so bad, my dear angel"...
Why my mother's instinct did not work... ?

I'm so sorry, mama (HUGS)
My son is intact, but I feel the very same guilt about having him partually vaccinated before I started researching the subject (currently I'm four years into researching the subject). Like you I feel like I horribly failed him, I wish someone could talk be out of it at the time, i wish if I could only go back... My daughter is 100% vaccine free and it did help me to heal emotionally. All I can do now is educate other people on the matter as well as educating my kids when they are older so they do better with their little ones.


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## Bisou

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yara1* 
I regret it so much. At that time, because of my ignorance and lack of information I thought that it "just cutting a lil' piece of skin of", something similar to piercing a girl's ears or so... (Damn! why somebody did not talk me out of it...).
After I saw videos of a procedure, read some information about it (and this horrifying circumstraint device too...) it made me so scared... to the point of being sick.

Now every time I change a diaper or see my son naked I remind it and getting anxious, annoyed, scared and bitter. He smiling to me and I'm thinking: "how could I allow to hurt you so bad, my dear angel"...
Why my mother's instinct did not work... ?

Miss Yara:

I don't think it was that your mother's instinct did not work. Try not to beat yourself up about this! Many doctors make it sound like this is just a routine medical procedure, even beneficial because they claim it prevents cancer and STDs, though there is lots of evidence to counter this claim as well. I don't think any mother who makes this decision should feel guilty because our society really supports circumcision as the "right" thing to do in many instances, even though it's becoming much less and less common--thank God.

Had I not heard about the horrors of circumcision from other men prior to even becoming pregnant, I am not sure I would've even thought to research this topic. I don't know if it would have entered my mind at all. I just feel lucky that I did hear about this before my son was born. If my son feels differently when he grows up, he can make the decision about what to do with his penis himself.

Hugs to all of you who are feeling pain about your decision.

~Bisou


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## Proud Daddy

I am so thankful to have found this thread.

My wife and I had our first child, a boy, nine days ago. Tomorrow morning, we have an appointment scheduled for his circumcision. I always thought that my son would be circumcised, that the health benefits were huge and he would "look like dad." Then I decided to research it at the last minute. My wife has left the decision entirely up to me.

I choose to keep my son intact. He was made perfect just the way he is.

Thanks again and God bless to all.


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## lawmama1984

Proud Daddy,

Congratulations on the birth of your son! I am so beyond glad to hear of your decision and very glad you stumbled upon this thread...talk about in the nick of time! Big kudos to you for researching the topic when your wife left the decision up to you. So many men stop and make the decision based off the "look like daddy" impulse. I am so glad that you went the extra mile, and now your son will be spared! My DH is circ'd, but our son is intact. His first impulse when I brought it up around 20 weeks was "of course he will be circ'd," but like you, he was open-minded, we did the research together and decided to leave him intact (and ours was sort of in the nick of time too...we were still undecided in the hospital, and told the doc to do it. *cringe* luckily, our doc wanted us to wait for a week or 2 after birth and have it done in his office. By that time, we were both intactivists and said NO!)

Again







and congratulations!


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## aidanraynesmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proud Daddy* 
I am so thankful to have found this thread.

My wife and I had our first child, a boy, nine days ago. Tomorrow morning, we have an appointment scheduled for his circumcision. I always thought that my son would be circumcised, that the health benefits were huge and he would "look like dad." Then I decided to research it at the last minute. My wife has left the decision entirely up to me.

I choose to keep my son intact. He was made perfect just the way he is.

Thanks again and God bless to all.

Wow! If it saved one baby boy his foreskin, what an amazing thing!

I too am in the "I did but seriously regret it" group.







I didn't know any better but I sure do now. When asked if I'd do it again I emphatically tell them that I could have 15 more boys and everyone of them will be left intact. I hate that my perfect boy was not. Not only for the long-term reasons but the procedure and recovery were traumatic for us both.


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## Rabbit8

I'm not pregnant (yet) and we have a daughter, but I had always thought if we had a son we'd circumcise, because my husband is, it's what both sides do, etc, you know the story.

Well, that's changed completely. I watched one of the links provided here today, I couldn't even finish it. I literally got light headed and sick to my stomach, and I can take seeing medical procedures, it was just knowing what they were doing to that poor defenseless baby and hearing that baby scream.









It's bothered me all day, I can't get it out of my head and still makes me feel sick. Bottom line: if we have a boy next time around, he's staying intact. Period. I haven't even talked to my husband about it, but that's moot, I can always sway him to my side even when he balks and this would be no different. Besides, if he watches that video, I know he'll change his mind too.

So thanks. Another boy saved...providing that's what we have next time that is.


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## Bisou

Proud Daddy:

*I want to echo the words of others and say congratulations on your new baby boy*, and also how great it is that you made such a wonderful, carefully considered decision for him! Like you said, he is made perfect just the way he is!

For people to think that the natural way millions of boys are born around the world each year could be harmful to their health is illogical. Heck, if we want to prevent men from getting STDs, we could just cut off penises entirely. Circumcision, though much less extreme than a complete "penisectomy," is equally as illogical.

Besides, I always fall back on the thought that if my son (or any uncircumcised male) decides when he is older that he hates being uncircumcised for whatever reason, he can make that decision himself about his own body. But I think that by that time, with circumcision rates dropping, so many males will be intact that it would seem like a very odd thing to do. Someday people will look back on this medical procedure as an oddity and wonder how people could have ever done this routinely!


----------



## Bisou

Hi Brittney:

Like Yara, don't blame yourself! The negative aspects of circumcision aren't widely discussed in our culture, and on top of this, we see doctors as authority figures, which can make us do things we might not do otherwise.

When I was in the hospital with my son, all sorts of things were done to me (an episiotomy, even though I said I didn't want one) and him (formula bottle feeding, against my wishes) that I completely disagreed with, and even fought, but I basically felt forced to comply with what they were saying. They even threatened to put my son in the NICU and make me go home without him if I wouldn't give him a bottle of formula because his blood sugar was low. When our pediatrician looked at his blood sugar levels later, after we had come home from the hospital, she said they had completely overreacted and he didn't need a bottle after all. Medical professionals can sometimes be extremely authoritarian (NOT all of them, but some, and especially in certain hospitals where it can seem almost epidemic!), making us believe they are in charge and we must do as they say or else!

On top of that, being in the hospital for whatever reason is a vulnerable position to be in, and being a new mother is especially a vulnerable time. We are excited, scared, exhausted, and a whole long list of conflicting and complicated emotions. It's no wonder that when presented with an idea many people haven't considered much ("Will he be circumcised?") that one could simply think, "Well, all men are circumcised, right? And besides, the doctor wouldn't suggest this if it was potentially harmful or unnecessary." Then we just go along with what is suggested.

We simply need more education of the general public and more doctors who are willing to refuse to do this procedure or at least honestly discuss the risks and drawbacks with parents, explaining that it's basically cosmetic surgery and not necessary. I doubt that the majority of parents presented with that sort of information would make that decision lightly!


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## Bisou

Big hug for you, mama.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WinterPearl* 
He was 19, I was 20. I asked 'what do you think we should do?' he said 'circumcise him because I was and am fine with it' and that was the end of it. If only I had researched that one thing, I looked up everything else.... He didn't have to watch what they did to my baby, every time I think about it I get this pit in my stomach still and our little ones coming up on his 3rd birthday. We are trying for our second child, if it's a boy this time I will know better. I wonder what I will tell him when he's bigger, 'I'm sorry' is the only thing I could think of....









I think sorry is a wonderful thing to tell him.


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## WinterPearl

He was 19, I was 20. I asked 'what do you think we should do?' he said 'circumcise him because I was and am fine with it' and that was the end of it. If only I had researched that one thing, I looked up everything else.... He didn't have to watch what they did to my baby, every time I think about it I get this pit in my stomach still and our little ones coming up on his 3rd birthday. We are trying for our second child, if it's a boy this time I will know better. I wonder what I will tell him when he's bigger, 'I'm sorry' is the only thing I could think of....


----------



## surprisedmommy

I have to say, I am happy to have found this thread. I am 7 months pregnant with my first boy. I never really thought about circumcision before, since I never needed to. My sisters circumcised all their sons, 3 sons each. I never questioned. It was just something mothers chose to do. I always felt deep inside that it seemed cruel, even with the thinking that it was just a piece of extra skin.

Now that I am having a boy, the fear of circumcision has been haunting me. I somehow, even without real background information felt that it was wrong. A girlfriend asked me if I would circumcise, I said that I didn't know. She told me that her husband was circumcised and he was adamant that they would NOT do that to their son. That he was very angry that it was done to him. This made me wonder... why would he feel that way? I told her that my hubby would probably want to have our son done because he was done. She said that although it was a choice, albeit one that we shouldn't have, she respected mine but would not do it and did not do it to her son.

This led to my need to educate myself on just what this procedure entailed... and not just that.... what the foreskin was all about. It couldn't just be "extra skin".

I have to say that after reading this thread, I was convinced that I would not do that to our son. I had a talk with hubby before I read this site. He said all the things circumcised men are trained to think. He asked me how I would put up with "cleaning" it and how I would explain to our son why he was different. He said he was fine and didn't miss his foreskin. I let him talk. I told him that these things were all myths. This much I knew.

On easter, we were at my in-laws. Funny enough, my father in law gave me an article he saved out of the paper. It was on circumcision... against it. I was a little confused at first. I thought he would be for it, they chose that for their son. He said he didn't know any of that stuff when they had their son. He told me to think about it. I gave it to hubby to read, he said, well... whatever you decide baby I will support you. What a wonderful husband I have.

Still I needed more info even though I was pretty sure I wasn't going to do that to my baby. Then I found this site and was convinced. I sent the info over to hubby to read. Then I asked him... "Do you miss your foreskin yet?" He said "yes I do.. I had no idea that foreskin was so important" We both agreed that we are not going to mutilate our baby.

Today I decided against my better judgment to watch the video. Not good. I could only get through 50 seconds of it and then I began to sob uncontrollably to the point of almost vomiting. Ignorance in this case may be bliss!!!

I have never been so traumatized and I have seen many things. I cannot believe that all of my nephews and my husband have gone through that procedure. I am shocked and deeply saddened. I am having a very difficult time getting even those 50 seconds out of my head. If I had to watch that video after I made that decision I would be forever regretful and a part of me would die inside. I am not sure that I would ever be able to forgive myself. I believe our society should stop hiding behind ignorance and be forced to be accountable for our actions. We should make it a mandatory requirement that all mothers and fathers watch that video with full sound before they are allowed to elect to circumcise. They will stop using the pretty euphemistic word circumcision and start calling it what it really is "elective mutilation" which really hardly conveys the torture these tiny innocent beautiful babies are forced to endure.

The irony I can't get over is that in a predominately patriarchal society such as our own, men would consent to such things being done to THEM, and would allow this to occur through generations? Even more ironic is that women are trying to stop this and are forced to fight their more dominant male counterpart to end the barbaric treatment and suffering of themselves by themselves!!!

I am so happy that I was strong enough to question the status quo. Lucky for me I have never been much of a follower.

I feel very...very sorry for all the mothers out there who were bullied and misguided. To have to live with that decision is a very tough thing to deal with.

When my daughter was 10 months old, I brought her to the paediatrician for a routine check-up. I had no complaints at that time; my daughter was perfect and healthy. The doc looked her over and checked this and that. Then she looked into her diaper. She looked for all of about 3 seconds then said, stand here I will be right back. When she came back into the room she had something in her hand. She motioned me out of the way and proceeded to stick this utensil into my daughter's vagina. I had no idea what she was doing. My baby girl cried for about 4 seconds, but I was shocked. I looked at her in horror. She tried to tell me that my daughter's vaginal opening was closing and she needed to reopen it before it sealed shut!!!!!

WHAT????? What was she talking about? I am perfectly familiar with the female anatomy and there is no way in hell that my daughter's vagina was adhering to itself. I am aware that this does occur on occasion with little girls but this was definitely not that case with my daughter. What this woman did was take a crochet like hook and cut my daughters hymen!!! It all happened so fast and she didn't even get permission!!!! I was shocked and bewildered. It took months for me to get over what had happened that day. I felt so much that she had violated my daughter. It sickened me that I now had to inform the daycare of what she did because I was afraid that they might think something far worse had occurred in my home!!!

I understand what it feels like to have the medical profession feel like they are entitled to perform things without consent!!! They don't even think twice about it.

We need to stand up for ourselves, our children and our bodies!!! To do this we must learn to question the status quo and educate ourselves, even when we respect the source of popular information!

I want to thank every single person who posted on this website. You ARE making a difference!!!!!


----------



## Bisou

Hi Surprised Mommy:

What a GREAT posting! I, too, tried to watch a circ video just to see what it was all about, and I couldn't make it through either. It made me literally sick and just completely depressed and sad. I honestly can't understand how doctors can do this procedure on a regular basis!

I also had to comment about what happened to your daughter. Something similar happened to me when I was a baby. The doctor told my mom that something was "growing closed," then proceeded to take a scalpel and cut my genitals without any pain medicine. My mom said the doctor had a nurse hold my legs down while I screamed and cried.

There is this attitude that some doctors have that they are "in charge" and you must go along with everything they have in mind. I know my mom has been really scarred by several medical procedures that were done to me as a child that seemed really violent and painful (another included them holding me upside down, again with multiple people involved, trying to get blood out of my neck because they were having a hard time drawing it elsewhere), and she felt like she had no ability to say no or go against the doctor's wishes. I also had an experience during childbirth of the doctor forcing me to have an episiotomy even though I was saying "No! I don't want one!" She just said, "I am DOING an episiotomy!"

I know not all doctors have this mindset, but what's up with them thinking that they know better and we are just a bunch of uninformed idiots who don't know what's good for ourselves? We should be able to make decisions about our bodies and our children's bodies (as far as protecting them from unnecessary pain and procedures, not vice versa!).

Back to the topic of circumcision, it's always SOOOO exciting to see that another parent has chosen NOT to circumcise.







What a wonderful choice you've made for your son!

I also agree with you that it does seem completely odd that so many men are the ones fighting for this to continue, in many cases. A man once gave me an interesting explanation for this though, saying it was too painful for men to admit that something so horrific and unfair was done to them as babies, so they just push that back in their minds, almost subconsciously, and try to justify it by the explanations we've all heard. (It looks weird. It is gross. It's unclean. People will make fun of them. They will get cancer/STDS. Etc.)

FYI, it sounds like you probably already know this since you are doing research, but you DON'T have to clean your intact son's penis under the foreskin. The skin doesn't even retract naturally until they are older. My son is almost five, and his foreskin hasn't retracted yet, and when it does, he will be plenty old enough to take care of any cleaning on his own.

It's totally healthy, and once you're used to it, there isn't anything "weird" looking about it. One day, hopefully soon, normal penises will actually look just that: NORMAL, the way nature intended!!!!!!!

Yay for people reading this thread and having it help them make the decision NOT to circ!























I agree that all parents should have to read this information and/or watch that video before consenting to circ their sons!!!!!

Quote:



Originally Posted by *surprisedmommy*


I have to say, I am happy to have found this thread. I am 7 months pregnant with my first boy. I never really thought about circumcision before, since I never needed to. My sisters circumcised all their sons, 3 sons each. I never questioned. It was just something mothers chose to do. I always felt deep inside that it seemed cruel, even with the thinking that it was just a piece of extra skin.

Now that I am having a boy, the fear of circumcision has been haunting me. I somehow, even without real background information felt that it was wrong. A girlfriend asked me if I would circumcise, I said that I didn't know. She told me that her husband was circumcised and he was adament that they would NOT do that to their son. That he was very angry that it was done to him. This made me wonder... why would he feel that way? I told her that my hubby would probably want to have our son done because he was done. She said that although it was a choice, albeit one that we shouldnt have, she respected mine but would not do it and did not do it to her son.

This led to my need to educate myself on just what this procedure entailed... and not just that.... what the foreskin was all about. It couldn't just be "extra skin".

I have to say that after reading this thread, I was convinced that I would not do that to our son. I had a talk with hubby before I read this site. He said all the things circumcised men are trained to think. He asked me how I would put up with "cleaning" it and how I would explain to our son why he was different. He said he was fine and didn't miss his foreskin. I let him talk. I told him that these things were all myths. This much I knew.

On easter, we were at my in-laws. Funny enough, my father in law gave me an article he saved out of the paper. It was on circumcision... against it. I was a little confused at first. I thought he would be for it, they chose that for their son. He said he didnt know any of that stuff when they had their son. He told me to think about it. I gave it to hubby to read, he said, well... whatever you decide baby I will support you. What a wonderful husband I have.

Still I needed more info even though I was pretty sure I wasnt going to do that to my baby. Then I found this site and was convinced. I sent the info over to hubby to read. Then I asked him... "do you miss your foreskin yet?" He said "yes I do.. I had no idea that foreskin was so important" We both agreed that we are not going to mutilate our baby.

Today I decided against my better judgment to watch the video. Not good. I could only get through 50 seconds of it and then I began to sob uncontrollably to the point of almost vomitting. Ignorance in this case may be bliss!!!

I have never been so traumatized and I have seen many things. I can not believe that all of my nephews and my husband have gone through that procedure. I am shocked and deeply saddened. I am having a very difficult time getting even that 50 seconds out of my head. If I had to watch that video after I made that decision I would be forever regretful and a part of me would die inside. I am not sure that I would ever be able to forgive myself. I believe our society should stop hiding behind ignorance and be forced to be accountable for our actions. We should make it a mandatory requirment that all mothers and fathers watch that video with full sound before they are allowed to elect to circumcise. They will stop using the pretty euphamatic word circumcision and start calling it what it really is "elective mutilation" which really hardly conveys the torture these tiny innocent beautiful babies are forced to endure.

The irony I can't get over is that in a predominately patriarchal society such as our own, men would consent to such things being done to THEM, and would allow this to occur through generations? Even more ironic is that women are trying to stop this and are forced to fight their more dominant male counterpart to end the barbaric treatment and suffering of themselves!!!

I am so happy that I was strong enough to question the status quo. Lucky for me I have never been much of a follower.

I feel very...very sorry for all the mothers out there who were bullied and misguided. To have to live with that decision is a very tough thing to deal with.

When my daughter was 10 months old, I brought her to the paeditrician for a routine checkup. I had no complaints at that time, my daughter was perfect and healthy. The doc looked her over and checked this and that. Then she looked into her diaper. She looked for all of about 3 seconds then said, stand here I will be right back. When she came back into the room she had something in her hand. She motioned me out of the way and proceeded to stick this utensil into my daughters vagina. I had no idea what she was doing. My baby girl cried for about 4 seconds, but I was shocked. I looked at her in horror. She tried to tell me that my daughters vaginal opening was closing and she needed to reopen it before it sealed shut!!!!!

WHAT????? What was she talking about. I am perfectly familiar with the female anatomy and there is no way in hell that my daughters vagina was adhering to itself. I am aware that this does occur on occasion with little girls but this was definitely not that case with my daughter. What this woman did was take a crochet like hook and cut my daughers hymen!!! It all happened so fast and she didnt even get permission!!!! I was shocked and bewildered. It took months for me to get over what had happened that day. I felt so much that she had violated my daughter. It sickened me that I now had to inform the daycare of what she did because I was afraid that they might think something far worse had occured in my home!!!

I understand what it feels like to have the medical profession feel like they are entitled to perform things without consent!!! They dont even think twice about it.

We need to stand up for ourselves, our children and our bodies!!! To do this we must learn to question the status quo and educate ourselves, even when we respect the source of popular information!

I want to thank every single person who posted on this website. You ARE making a difference!!!!!


----------



## surprisedmommy

Hi Bisou,

Thanks for your post! It is very sad that men continue to perpetuate the cycle of violence against them if only to justify the horrific events that cause them such subconscious emotional grief.

There were quite a few things that I was aware of before venturing into my educational pursuit. I was aware that the penis was self cleaning and needed no extra care, I was aware that the foreskin was attached to the glans and did not retract for years and was not supposed to be forcefully retracted and I was aware that the procedure was considered "cosmetic" and was mostly done to babies without anaesthesia!!!

What I was not aware of was the procedure itself.. how it was done or how disgustingly cruel it was. I was not completely educated on the foreskin itself, other than the protective value of the glans. I had no idea that it was rich in nerves and blood vessels and that it was as sensitive as a woman's clitoris. I did not know that removing it could reduce a man's size by up to or more than 25 percent. I did not know that removing it was the cause of numerous disfigurements including bending and/or restriction of the penis... and much more.

I was aware of accidental cauterizations of the entire penis or the glans... this scared the [email protected]#$ out of me.

Although I am forever saddened by that video and feel a burning sensation in my throat every time the image and sound pop into my head, I am glad that I put myself through that because I do not believe that ignorance is bliss. I believe that we should not hide behind our fear to face reality and make INFORMED decisions.. and by that I mean research every possible angle not just the one that best suits what you hear the most or want to believe.

I hope that soon we will have advocates and lobbyists on every corner fighting as hard against circumcision as they do the death penalty and abortion or even cruelty to animals. Come to think of it... PETA would never stand for routine circumcision of animals... we would consider that "inhumane" ... just not when it's done by humans to humans I guess!

hmm... I am sure that we could probably get the procedure abolished in CANADA if we brought a charter argument all the way to the SUPREME COURT OF CANADA!!!! It most definitely violates the rights of male babies!!


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## Bisou

Hi Surprised Mommy:

Yes, like you, when I was pregnant with my son, I was 90% sure I wasn't going to circumcise, but I decided to investigate it anyway. When I really learned about it, I was just horrified that ANYONE would do that if they really knew what was going on. How can the medical profession go along with this? It's just shocking.

I can't imagine deciding to have my child circumcised, then have a large portion of his penis accidentally cut off! How would any parent live with the guilt? While I know this isn't extremely common, the idea of that even being a remote possibility for something that was completely unnecessary just seemed ridiculous to me.

Another thing that seems crazy is that there is really little to no education of parents before the procedure. They just ask parents if they want to do it or not, no explanation given. People just think, "Well, this is what everyone does, so I guess so!"

It would be great if ALL parents were as thoughtful as you and had as good critical thinking skills as you do!

With our two sons, if nothing else, there are two less boys going through this.

~Bisou

Quote:


Originally Posted by *surprisedmommy* 
Hi Bisou,

Thanks for your post! It is very sad that men continue to perpetuate the cycle of violence against them if only to justify the horrific events that cause them such subconscious emotional grief.

There were quite a few things that I was aware of before venturing into my educational pursuit. I was aware that the penis was self cleaning and needed no extra care, I was aware that the foreskin was attached to the glans and did not retract for years and was not supposed to be forcefully retracted and I was aware that the procedure was considered "cosmetic" and was mostly done to babies without anaesthesia!!!

What I was not aware of was the procedure itself.. how it was done or how disgustingly cruel it was. I was not completely educated on the foreskin itself, other than the protective value of the glans. I had no idea that it was rich in nerves and blood vessels and that it was as sensitive as a woman's clitoris. I did not know that removing it could reduce a man's size by up to or more than 25 percent. I did not know that removing it was the cause of numerous disfigurements including bending and/or restriction of the penis... and much more.

I was aware of accidental cauterizations of the entire penis or the glans... this scared the [email protected]#$ out of me.

Although I am forever saddened by that video and feel a burning sensation in my throat every time the image and sound pop into my head, I am glad that I put myself through that because I do not believe that ignorance is bliss. I believe that we should not hide behind our fear to face reality and make INFORMED decisions.. and by that I mean research every possible angle not just the one that best suits what you hear the most or want to believe.

I hope that soon we will have advocates and lobbyists on every corner fighting as hard against circumcision as they do the death penalty and abortion or even cruelty to animals. Come to think of it... PETA would never stand for routine circumcision of animals... we would consider that "inhumane" ... just not when it's done by humans to humans I guess!

hmm... I am sure that we could probably get the procedure abolished in CANADA if we brought a charter argument all the way to the SUPREME COURT OF CANADA!!!! It most definitely violates the rights of male babies!!


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## glongley

Bump


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## erin23kate

This thread is one of the most powerful pieces out there against circumcision.

Bumping.


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## happyguy

Dear all, I wouldn’t normally comment on things like this however I feel so strongly about this subject I thought I would. As a fully grown man of 28 I managed to get through life with a fully intact penis and have never had anything go wrong so please ignore those wives tales they really are not true. My father is circumcised so I’m surprised I made it fully intact. From reading this site it seems as though most people are from the states. I’m British and it is not the norm to circumcise in this country or the rest of Europe for that matter. My point to this is one thing I hope expectant mothers will think about. I hope I’m right in saying you would have to pay for your hospital treatment in the US so just think about it this way; adding a circumcision will add extra money to the company that runs the hospital in effect its like walking into Burger King and being asked if you would like to go large on that? Its all extra money for the hospital, is it worth changing that beautiful son of yours that you have created to line the pockets of these people? And please remember its not yours to change, give your little guy the basic right to make his mind up later in life if he wants it done it can be later on.


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## mermaidmama

sorry triple post - please delete


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## mermaidmama

sorry triple post - please delete


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## mermaidmama

HELP, ADVICE & THOUGHTS NEEDED.

I am reposting my story because I want to expand on my thoughts and because I continue to have guilt that is eating me up inside. It is very hard.

I regret allowing this to be done to my son more than I regret anything in my entire life. I knew that I was not comfortable with the thought of having my son circ'd and I even researched it a bit. Decided I didn't want to do it. I've even had an ex bf that was intact so I knew the difference unlike so many other women who circ their babies. AND YET, I allowed it to be done. How is that for a bad mother :'(

Why did I allow it?
DH wanted son to look like him, said HE wasn't traumitized by it, said it would get infected yada yada. I gave him pages of very good info about why it was wrong and harmful. We took a child birth class and DH asked the lady about circ and she said "intact kids tend to get infections". I was po'd as that did not help my case with DH as she was a nurse and someone who "should" know about these things.

Anyway, I went into labor almost 2 weeks before my supposed due date. So we never came to an agreement before the birth. The Dr who was going to do it came in. Both DH and I sat him down to ask questions. He was very mean to me. Even DH thought so. I had just given birth, was hormonal and hadn't slept much in 3 days and this jerk had me almost in tears. He told me his 1st 2 sons were circ'd and had issues and had to be re-done. Because of this they left the 3rd son intact. But, he ended up having to be circ'd too due to a horrible infection which is common in intact males. He said that either way you can't win. He told me that the birth was very traumatic to my son...more so than a circ. - even though it was a smooth, uncomplicated and epi free birth. He also asked my husband and I...."how are you going to agree on big things later in life if you cant even agree on one little thing now?!!!!" He said that we could wait if that's what we felt we had to do and come back in a week OR we could get it over with. So I signed the paper....and hid in the bathroom and cried. Spineless. My DH said he heard son cry but it didn't take long and when they brought him back he nursed. The dr said he did it "loose" for us. What that means I'm still not quite sure? I hate that dr. he knew I didn't want it. He should have INSISTED we wait until we were 100% and not done it til then! But, it's not his problem yanno! And hey lets not forget the cash burning a hole in his pocket!

Every time I changed my son I felt horrible. Cried. Had anxiety for a long time. I still do at times. Esp. since I found out dh didn't really look over the info I gave him like I thought.... And because now he says if he thought I'd take it so hard, he wouldn't have had "that much" of a problem with not getting it done. I could have just said NO!

I feel like a bad mother. He was a day old and I handed him over and *I* knew better. I did not protect him. I was spineless.
And the more I learn and come across anti-circ forums. The more I hate what I allowed.

It's sad and silly but I keep hoping and praying that since it is "loose" it won't be *as bad*, that it will be easier if he wants to restore it and .....even that it will grow back







Yea, I know it won't grow back....I just keep thinking it. Please God?

I hope he doesn't grow up and hate me and feel I failed.
I hope he doesn't suffer anything negative from it.
I hope he does not continue this practice on his sons.

So what do I do now? What do I tell him when he is older besides "I'm sorry I failed you"? How do I stop hating myself? What do I do when every time I see his penis I think about how it was perfect and I let it be hacked at and altered? How do I protest against circ and advocate for infant rights when I allowed it to be done to my own son?


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## LilBlossom

Oh my word... My husband is American and I'm Dutch-Norwegian. Our son was born a year ago in Norway, and my husband wanted him circumcised. I said no way. Plus it is illegal in Norway. Turns out, it isn't illegal, but after seeing a Penn and Teller episode on Circumcision, I decided that I would never, ever, ever let someone harm my son. And after reading a few of these posts, I am so glad I stuck to my guns. I know my husband, even after watching that episode, wants our son to be circumcised, because he wants him to "be like his daddy", but I am firm on my no. If our son, at a later date, decides that he wants to be circumcised, he can have it done as an adult. Yes, there will be pain involved, but no less than if he were a baby, but at least then he'll make the choice of his own, we won't make it for him.

I got given a LOT of grief for it by my in-laws. My father in law (husbands step dad) isn't circumcised, and he said that he had been given a lot of grief from women about it. Honestly, if that is what you base your opinion on, then it is not worth anything to me. And mother in law went the "it's more hygienic" route. I tried explaining to them that that was not true, and got ignored, so went the "whatever"-route with them.








to all who had it done and now regret it. Don't worry about it, what's done is done and make the best of it. At least you know for the future so you can make better informed decisions later and inform family and friends.


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## Jaesun's Dad

I didn't circumcise my own son, but I was circumcised. It didn't cause any particular problems being cut, but I resent that this operation was done to me without my consent. We had already decided not to cut, but I asked one of my dearest friends one day what he thought about circumcision. Now consider this is a super mellow guy 99% of the time. Well he got red in the face and his voice went up half an octave and doubled in volume as he told me how p!ssed off he was that he too was cut without his consent.

I also believe the high circumcision rate of the 1960s and 1970s and the widespread use of _erectile dysfunction_ remedies is not coincidental.


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## bluebirdiemama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mermaidmama* 
HELP, ADVICE & THOUGHTS NEEDED.

I am reposting my story because I want to expand on my thoughts and because I continue to have guilt that is eating me up inside. It is very hard.

I regret allowing this to be done to my son more than I regret anything in my entire life. I knew that I was not comfortable with the thought of having my son circ'd and I even researched it a bit. Decided I didn't want to do it. I've even had an ex bf that was intact so I knew the difference unlike so many other women who circ their babies. AND YET, I allowed it to be done. How is that for a bad mother :'(

Why did I allow it?
DH wanted son to look like him, said HE wasn't traumitized by it, said it would get infected yada yada. I gave him pages of very good info about why it was wrong and harmful. We took a child birth class and DH asked the lady about circ and she said "intact kids tend to get infections". I was po'd as that did not help my case with DH as she was a nurse and someone who "should" know about these things.

Anyway, I went into labor almost 2 weeks before my supposed due date. So we never came to an agreement before the birth. The Dr who was going to do it came in. Both DH and I sat him down to ask questions. He was very mean to me. Even DH thought so. I had just given birth, was hormonal and hadn't slept much in 3 days and this jerk had me almost in tears. He told me his 1st 2 sons were circ'd and had issues and had to be re-done. Because of this they left the 3rd son intact. But, he ended up having to be circ'd too due to a horrible infection which is common in intact males. He said that either way you can't win. He told me that the birth was very traumatic to my son...more so than a circ. - even though it was a smooth, uncomplicated and epi free birth. He also asked my husband and I...."how are you going to agree on big things later in life if you cant even agree on one little thing now?!!!!" He said that we could wait if that's what we felt we had to do and come back in a week OR we could get it over with. So I signed the paper....and hid in the bathroom and cried. Spineless. My DH said he heard son cry but it didn't take long and when they brought him back he nursed. The dr said he did it "loose" for us. What that means I'm still not quite sure? I hate that dr. he knew I didn't want it. He should have INSISTED we wait until we were 100% and not done it til then! But, it's not his problem yanno! And hey lets not forget the cash burning a hole in his pocket!

Every time I changed my son I felt horrible. Cried. Had anxiety for a long time. I still do at times. Esp. since I found out dh didn't really look over the info I gave him like I thought.... And because now he says if he thought I'd take it so hard, he wouldn't have had "that much" of a problem with not getting it done. I could have just said NO!

I feel like a bad mother. He was a day old and I handed him over and *I* knew better. I did not protect him. I was spineless.
And the more I learn and come across anti-circ forums. The more I hate what I allowed.

It's sad and silly but I keep hoping and praying that since it is "loose" it won't be *as bad*, that it will be easier if he wants to restore it and .....even that it will grow back







Yea, I know it won't grow back....I just keep thinking it. Please God?

I hope he doesn't grow up and hate me and feel I failed.
I hope he doesn't suffer anything negative from it.
I hope he does not continue this practice on his sons.

So what do I do now? What do I tell him when he is older besides "I'm sorry I failed you"? How do I stop hating myself? What do I do when every time I see his penis I think about how it was perfect and I let it be hacked at and altered? How do I protest against circ and advocate for infant rights when I allowed it to be done to my own son?































I am so, so sorry, mama.























I wish I had something to say that I know would comfort you. But I know that horrible feeling of letting a child down, and knowing that you cannot take your mistake back...
All I can say is that, I can tell from reading your post that you are full of love for your lo. A wonderful mama, who is always thinking about what is best for her baby.
Flat out, you made a mistake. This may be a bigger mistake in your eyes, than most others... but for every mistake you have to forgive yourself. If you don't, it will take years from you, and turn, take your ds' mama away from him. Regret and sorrow are natural things to have to go through, but they will eat away at you if you don't overcome them.
Do it for your baby. You may have made one mistake. Let yourself off the hook. Choose to respect yourself. Get over the guilt, and move forward. Leave it behind and don't look back.
You are a very sweet lady, and a loving mama, I can tell. You deserve to let it go. Your baby deserves for his mama to be free from the guilt, and the bondage


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## TerriCA

I so wish many more parents read this thread. I am trying my best to get the word out on this thread, so there are no more regrets that parents have to go through looking back.

Its really awful that some women don't get it still. They just look at it through a cosmetic point of view. I mean seriously, are you going to get your son circ'd just coz it doesn't look good??

I read this article ( http://healthmad.com/index.php/Men&#39;s...n-Women.541911 ) a long while back about the attitudes of American women towards the foreskin and circumcision and it doesn't surprise me - I have met a lot of women like those mentioned in the article, who just have a callous, irresponsible attitude towards circumcising their male kids.


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## DariusMom

I regret it.









I'm Jewish and felt like it was very important, despite the fact that I'm not particularly religious. Now I think I was just being ridiculous.

I know DS is ok and that he'll be fine, but I wish I hadn't done it.


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## annablue

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TerriCA* 
I read this article ( http://healthmad.com/index.php/Men&#39;s...n-Women.541911 ) a long while back about the attitudes of American women towards the foreskin and circumcision and it doesn't surprise me - I have met a lot of women like those mentioned in the article, who just have a callous, irresponsible attitude towards circumcising their male kids.

Attitudes like that disgust me. Who are they to decide what someone else's genitals should look like? If men went around routinely mocking and sneering at the appearance of women's genitals, there would be uproar, but somehow it's okay to do the same to the natural, normal penis?


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## mermaidmama

Thank you for your reply bluebirdiemama. It helped. I know I need to forgive myself. Just don't know what to say. Sometimes I read posts talking about parents who allow their sons to be circ'd and it is hard.


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## Bisou

Hi Mermaidmama:

Your posting is heartbreaking! I am so sorry you had to go through that. It was hearing stories just like yours from a few of my friends who had children much earlier than I did, among other things, that made me decide not to do it. But I was a single mom, my son's dad had skipped out, so I got to make the decision myself. Even if my son's dad had been around, though, I am sure he wouldn't have insisted on circ because he wasn't circumcised either!

I have dated two uncircumcised guys and neither of them had any kind of infection of any kind, EVER. That kind of logic just baffles me. Any part of your body can get infected! Should we cut off fingers, toes, and noses just because someday they might possibly get infected? Do we cut off all breasts because some women get breast cancer? That doesn't make sense. (And I am not speaking to you here, AT ALL, just to that idea that a penis is some kind of super disease- and infection-prone organ. It's just such a silly idea.)

I am so sorry that you are feeling so much pain about what you and your son went through, and it's unfortunate that now, after the fact, your spouse is saying it wasn't really a big deal.

And that doctor sounds like a HUGE #&&%$$! Who is he to come in and pressure you during such a stressful, exhausting time? Seriously, so many doctors are so arrogant and pretentious, it's just terrible.

If you are worried about how your son will feel when he is older, I would save some of what you've written about this for him so he can know your true feelings about it. You might share it if the subject ever came up, but maybe not if he didn't bring it up? I don't know. I am sure you will know what is right when the time comes.

Big hug for you!


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## peterpink

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sopranos* 
You could EASILY sue and win.

Yes. Go for it. Try: http://www.arclaw.org/


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## lawmama1984

Bumping this. It seems that lately people have been commenting on how many problems it appears intact boys have b/c of the number of posts asking for help. Thought it would be useful to bump this, which has so many stories of things going wrong for circ'd boys.


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## lpgautogas

Nice post... interesting !


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## monkey mamma

On a glorious autumn morning my sweet son was born into a family full of love in the peaceful surroundings of his parent's bed. Jack came into the world with much to say and introduced himself in a very boisterous way.
The peace and tranquility ended on day 16 of his life. On that day, the tears and hurt began. My husband and I took Jack to have his circumcision performed at the office of a recommended urologist. We naively believed that this was "just a routine procedure". My husband filled out the paperwork while I nursed Jack in the waiting room. We were called back and asked if we wanted to stay in the room while the doctor did the procedure. We both wanted to be there for him and I wanted to be able to nurse him for comfort right away. Jack was strapped down and the doctor numbed his penis. He screamed in pain and I felt my stomach drop. A few minutes later the doctor did the cut and the nurse commented, "That's a beauty." The doctor invited my husband to take a look seemingly proud of what he had just done. We were told to put Vaseline dressings on at each diaper change and dismissed to go home. I again nursed my little man and then buckled him into the car seat. Jack cried for a few minutes and then fell asleep from the stress of it all. When we arrived home we were greeted by my mom and Jack's big brother and sister. We cuddled on the sofa for a little bit and then my mom took Jack into my room to change his diaper before we sat down to dinner. I heard my mom yell for me in a frantic voice. I rushed in to see what was alarming her and was shocked to see Jack had bleed through his cloth diaper and the diaper cover. There was a lot of blood and it was still oozing out of the circumcision site. I yelled for my husband to call the doctor right away. It was now about 5:45 pm so when he called the doctor's office no one answered. I insisted he keep trying and then attempted to call myself 3 times. When it became clear we would not get through to the doctor I called Jack's pediatrician. He instructed us to apply very firm pressure to his penis for 10 minutes and if the bleeding did not stop to go to the emergency room. After 10 minutes it was clear that this was not going to be enough to subside the bleeding. We jumped in the van and rushed to the emergency room. By the time we got to the ER Jack had lost a lot more blood. I was holding him in the waiting room and my jeans were soaked with his blood, the blanket I had wrapped him in was soaked with blood, his little socks were soaked with blood. When we arrived they assessed the situation and asked us why we had not called the urologist. We informed them we could not reach him. My husband continued to hold firm pressure on Jack's penis while the ER staff decided what to do. They were able to contact the urologist and decided to use a liquid to try to stop the bleeding. The ER doctor told us it had a 50/50 chance of working. The bleeding slowed down for a few minutes and then picked up again. The bed and the towels on the bed became saturated with Jack's blood. My husband and a paramedic in training held pressure to Jack's penis while we waited for an ambulance to transfer us to the ER where the urologist who did this to Jack had privileges. It seems we chose the wrong ER unknowingly since we were not told what to do in the event of an emergency. The urologist on call at the ER we originally went to refused to fix the mistake of another doctor. The ambulance crew arrived and was instructed that it was necessary to continue to apply pressure to Jack's penis to slow the bleeding. The EMT that would be sitting in the back of the ambulance with Jack and me insisted that I buckle him into his car seat rather than hold him in my arms on the stretcher. Against my instincts I complied. When we got situated in the back of the ambulance the driver turned on the lights and began to drive quickly to the next ER. The EMT in the back said "You can kill all that." At which time the driver turned off the lights and began driving the speed limit. Inside I was screaming "What? No, we need to get there quickly." But, I thought the EMT knew best since he was the medical professional. I was sitting next to Jack's car seat and keeping a close eye on him. I commented that he was bleeding through the towels and the EMT came over to take a look then sat back down. A few minutes later I repeated that he was losing more blood and was answered with a "Mmm." I then questioned why Jack was looking so pale and why his lips were turning blue. The EMT responded "There could be a lot of reasons for that." Again I dumbly trusted the medical professional. I assumed we were safe because we were in the back of an ambulance. During the 45 minute drive to the ER (which could have been less than 20 minutes had the driver left the lights on and gone fast) I continued to comment on Jack's blood loss and color. The EMT only checked the monitor for oxygen levels. When we finally arrived at the next ER the paramedic on duty there took one look at Jack and said "His color is awful. We need to get an IV in this baby right away." They put in the IV and placed an oxygen mask on my baby's face. I was terrified. My husband and I were both sobbing and stood there holding onto one another and asking God to "Please spare our son. " I looked down to see his car seat full of blood. We felt completely helpless and so guilty that our baby had to endure this. The urologist that had performed the circumcision came in and placed four sutures in Jack's penis. He had cut the frenula artery when performing the original surgery. The bleeding finally stopped. The ER staff then drew some blood to run Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit levels. They came back low but not low enough to warrant a blood transfusion so we were monitored for a couple of hours then sent home. We were told to have the blood work done again the next day. I did not want to cause Jack extra stress so I asked my midwife to please come to the house to take his blood rather than driving him back to the lab. She agreed and said she would drive the blood right to the hospital for testing. When she arrived, she checked his heart rate and breathing and drew the blood. She left and on the way to the hospital she called Jack's pediatrician to discuss his condition. She then called me and informed me that they both agreed that due to his rapid heart rate and breathing as well as his listless state that I needed to call 911 right away and go back to the ER with Jack. I did just that and this time had an amazing ambulance crew. My midwife was there waiting for us with the lab results that Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit had dropped dramatically since the night before. The ER wanted to run their own test so Jack was poked again. The results came back the same. We were then sent by ambulance to a hospital with a pediatric unit. We were admitted to the hospital and spent 23 hours there being observed. His levels were checked at 5:00am the next morning and were on the rise so he did not require a blood transfusion. We had to stay until 8:00pm that night because he was still very lethargic and nursing poorly. He lost 5 ounces and needed to show the doctors that he could eat well before we could go home. The next two weeks we had follow up appointments and more blood work to make sure Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit continued to rise. He has to take iron supplements until his levels are normal again. All of this because we believed the lie that circumcision is "just a simple procedure." During the time our son was meant to learn that his world is a safe and loving place, he had to endure needless pain. Please consider what happened to Jack before you decide to have your son circumcised.


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## Galatea

Wow. That is just terrible. Please share your story with everyone you know so that circumcision will stop. No cosmetic preference is worth a baby dying.


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## CherryBomb

My son is intact, but my brother was circumcised. He wants his foreskin back, and my mother still has intense regret over allowing it. She didn't want to do it, but she was pressured into it by the doctor and my father.


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## Lisa1970

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey mamma* 
On a glorious autumn morning my sweet son was born into a family full of love in the peaceful surroundings of his parent's bed. Jack came into the world with much to say and introduced himself in a very boisterous way.
The peace and tranquility ended on day 16 of his life. On that day, the tears and hurt began. My husband and I took Jack to have his circumcision performed at the office of a recommended urologist. We naively believed that this was "just a routine procedure". My husband filled out the paperwork while I nursed Jack in the waiting room. We were called back and asked if we wanted to stay in the room while the doctor did the procedure. We both wanted to be there for him and I wanted to be able to nurse him for comfort right away. Jack was strapped down and the doctor numbed his penis. He screamed in pain and I felt my stomach drop. A few minutes later the doctor did the cut and the nurse commented, "That's a beauty." The doctor invited my husband to take a look seemingly proud of what he had just done. We were told to put Vaseline dressings on at each diaper change and dismissed to go home. I again nursed my little man and then buckled him into the car seat. Jack cried for a few minutes and then fell asleep from the stress of it all. When we arrived home we were greeted by my mom and Jack's big brother and sister. We cuddled on the sofa for a little bit and then my mom took Jack into my room to change his diaper before we sat down to dinner. I heard my mom yell for me in a frantic voice. I rushed in to see what was alarming her and was shocked to see Jack had bleed through his cloth diaper and the diaper cover. There was a lot of blood and it was still oozing out of the circumcision site. I yelled for my husband to call the doctor right away. It was now about 5:45 pm so when he called the doctor's office no one answered. I insisted he keep trying and then attempted to call myself 3 times. When it became clear we would not get through to the doctor I called Jack's pediatrician. He instructed us to apply very firm pressure to his penis for 10 minutes and if the bleeding did not stop to go to the emergency room. After 10 minutes it was clear that this was not going to be enough to subside the bleeding. We jumped in the van and rushed to the emergency room. By the time we got to the ER Jack had lost a lot more blood. I was holding him in the waiting room and my jeans were soaked with his blood, the blanket I had wrapped him in was soaked with blood, his little socks were soaked with blood. When we arrived they assessed the situation and asked us why we had not called the urologist. We informed them we could not reach him. My husband continued to hold firm pressure on Jack's penis while the ER staff decided what to do. They were able to contact the urologist and decided to use a liquid to try to stop the bleeding. The ER doctor told us it had a 50/50 chance of working. The bleeding slowed down for a few minutes and then picked up again. The bed and the towels on the bed became saturated with Jack's blood. My husband and a paramedic in training held pressure to Jack's penis while we waited for an ambulance to transfer us to the ER where the urologist who did this to Jack had privileges. It seems we chose the wrong ER unknowingly since we were not told what to do in the event of an emergency. The urologist on call at the ER we originally went to refused to fix the mistake of another doctor. The ambulance crew arrived and was instructed that it was necessary to continue to apply pressure to Jack's penis to slow the bleeding. The EMT that would be sitting in the back of the ambulance with Jack and me insisted that I buckle him into his car seat rather than hold him in my arms on the stretcher. Against my instincts I complied. When we got situated in the back of the ambulance the driver turned on the lights and began to drive quickly to the next ER. The EMT in the back said "You can kill all that." At which time the driver turned off the lights and began driving the speed limit. Inside I was screaming "What? No, we need to get there quickly." But, I thought the EMT knew best since he was the medical professional. I was sitting next to Jack's car seat and keeping a close eye on him. I commented that he was bleeding through the towels and the EMT came over to take a look then sat back down. A few minutes later I repeated that he was losing more blood and was answered with a "Mmm." I then questioned why Jack was looking so pale and why his lips were turning blue. The EMT responded "There could be a lot of reasons for that." Again I dumbly trusted the medical professional. I assumed we were safe because we were in the back of an ambulance. During the 45 minute drive to the ER (which could have been less than 20 minutes had the driver left the lights on and gone fast) I continued to comment on Jack's blood loss and color. The EMT only checked the monitor for oxygen levels. When we finally arrived at the next ER the paramedic on duty there took one look at Jack and said "His color is awful. We need to get an IV in this baby right away." They put in the IV and placed an oxygen mask on my baby's face. I was terrified. My husband and I were both sobbing and stood there holding onto one another and asking God to "Please spare our son. " I looked down to see his car seat full of blood. We felt completely helpless and so guilty that our baby had to endure this. The urologist that had performed the circumcision came in and placed four sutures in Jack's penis. He had cut the frenula artery when performing the original surgery. The bleeding finally stopped. The ER staff then drew some blood to run Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit levels. They came back low but not low enough to warrant a blood transfusion so we were monitored for a couple of hours then sent home. We were told to have the blood work done again the next day. I did not want to cause Jack extra stress so I asked my midwife to please come to the house to take his blood rather than driving him back to the lab. She agreed and said she would drive the blood right to the hospital for testing. When she arrived, she checked his heart rate and breathing and drew the blood. She left and on the way to the hospital she called Jack's pediatrician to discuss his condition. She then called me and informed me that they both agreed that due to his rapid heart rate and breathing as well as his listless state that I needed to call 911 right away and go back to the ER with Jack. I did just that and this time had an amazing ambulance crew. My midwife was there waiting for us with the lab results that Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit had dropped dramatically since the night before. The ER wanted to run their own test so Jack was poked again. The results came back the same. We were then sent by ambulance to a hospital with a pediatric unit. We were admitted to the hospital and spent 23 hours there being observed. His levels were checked at 5:00am the next morning and were on the rise so he did not require a blood transfusion. We had to stay until 8:00pm that night because he was still very lethargic and nursing poorly. He lost 5 ounces and needed to show the doctors that he could eat well before we could go home. The next two weeks we had follow up appointments and more blood work to make sure Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit continued to rise. He has to take iron supplements until his levels are normal again. All of this because we believed the lie that circumcision is "just a simple procedure." During the time our son was meant to learn that his world is a safe and loving place, he had to endure needless pain. Please consider what happened to Jack before you decide to have your son circumcised.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am in tears just reading it.


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## Doulalee

I am a birth doula, and an intactivist. I have a 31 year old son, who I allowed to have circumcised when he was one day old. I have never regretted anything more. I was uninformed, had no idea why I was signing the consent form, thought this was what we had to do. Little did I know that I was allowing my precious baby to not only be tortured and mutilated, but to rob him and his wife of the most optimal and pleasurable sexual experiences they could enjoy together. I remember the doctor bringing him back to me in my hospital room. He looked terrible , all red, blotchy, upset, crying. terrified. She just said, "He's a little upset, he'll be fine". I want to literally vomit every time I think about it. I live with such guilt over this, I don't think I will ever forgive myself, even though it was done with what I thought were good intentions for him and his future. What a load of crap. It's all about money, and that's why I am so adamant about this today. Please, please, leave your baby boys intact. The foreskin is there for a very important reason. If you have any doubts, please review a circumcision procedure page to be fully horrified, and to completely understand what is being done to these innocent babies, who did not give anyone permission to mutilate them. This is a senseless, barbaric, tortuous mutilation, period. Unless medically warranted, it should be a felony . And I don't mean medically ADVISED for BS reasons like hygiene, or reduced rates of HIV. None of that has any merit whatsoever. I became an intactivist to try and save other baby boys from this heinous crime, wishing I would've saved my own son. I will live with this regret and guilt all my life. As a birth doula, I try to educate and inform expectant parents about this subject. They, like me, didn't know any different than that this is socially expected and should be done, end of story. This must stop. Again, I beg you to leave your perfect baby boys intact.


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## kittywitty

My son had his second meatotomy at age 8 just last week. I can not describe how much I regret circ'ing him. I was raised Jewish and never thought about it. As they wheeled him back to do it before we could leave the hospital, I had second thoughts but was told I already consented and signed the forms and the doctor was waiting-it was too late. I cried when he came back. It was horrific and looked botched as well. He has chronic pain and bedwetting issues from it. I wish I could change the past...


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## Shall1105

I have a 5 year old son, who is circumcised, and it is something that I deeply regret. I didnt really know anything about circumcision, and I left the decision up to his father, who opted to have it done. As I got into birth work and more actively involved in online communities over the last 4 years and became more educated on the subject, I know now what a horrible decision that was. There is no excuse for a healthy, functioning part of an infant's body to be surgically removed without their consent for cosmetic reasons. I now am staunchly against routine infant circumcision, and I consider it a human rights violation. No future sons I may have are going to be cut, and I encourage friends, family, and clients to leave their sons intact.


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## imgr8ful

monkey mamma - i am so sorry for your very traumatic experience. PLEASE share your story with http://www.thewholenetwork.org/index.html - it could save lives!


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## Doulalee

I have one son and one daughter. When my son was born, his father and I never gave a second thought as to whether or not our baby should be circumcised. We thought it was the right and only thing to do for his health and well being. We were ignorant to the facts at that time. plus my husband was cut, and thought it was just supposed to be done. I remember the doctor bringing my baby boy back to me after the procedure, and he was bright red, face was wet from tears, and terrified. I felt bad as his mother, and tried to soothe him, thinking it was really no big deal. Had I known then what I know now, I would NEVER even consider this. I live with guilt, regret, sorrow, unforgiveness, and hatred of myself for allowing this mutilation and torture of my perfect baby boy. This was 30 years ago, and not until recently have I witnessed a circumcision video, or read the factual information on the subject. OMG. I feel like such a monster, how the hell could I have allowed this????? I have since become an intactivist and have lost friends and clients,( I am a birth doula), because of my beliefs and opinions, which are based soley on fact and accurate information. I really don't care how this affects me personally or in my business. It's well worth it to me, and I hope to be able to save other baby boys from this barbaric atrocity. Genital mutilation in any gender is just plain wrong. Females are being protected much more than males, but I believe this is the same thing across the board. Circumcision for NONE. i will never forgive myself for what I allowed to happen. I will live with this guilt forever. but, it;s not all about me, is it? My son has to live his life with diminished sensation in his penis, and alot less satisfaction in his sex life. I allowed this....me!!! I had no right to make this decision on his behalf. No right whatsoever. I want to cry and throw up every time I think of this. The medical community lied to me, and hundreds of thousands of other new parents who were told this was the healthy thing to do for our babies. Not only am i living with this guilt and regret, but I am pissed as hell that I was misguided in the name of money and profit. I just can't get over this.


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## Galatea

My mother-in-law is going through these exact feelings now, too. Do not beat yourself up. You didn't know and it wasn't spoken of.

Have you spoken to your children to make sure that they do not perpetuate it?


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## Red Fire

Monkey mama, what a horror story, I'm so so sorry.


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## honeycakes

wow I am so glad I came accross this thread. It saved my little boy from getting circumised by 12 hours. I put my boy to bed last night changed his nappy and took a look at what I thought would be one of the last looks at his intact penis. He was scheduled for the procedure today.Then before I went to bed i checked my emails for one last time and then something pushed me in the direction of this website. I typed into google search

" regrets about circumising" and this came up. I was up for hours then just reading page after page about stories of other mothers who have regretted the procedure. I have been undecided for months about getting it done. My DH is done and I love the look of a circumised penis. Let me be honest I have always found it attractive and I have thought it is more hygenic.

But then on the other hand is it my decision to mutilate my son's penis just because i think a circumised penis looks better? Will I regret doing it for the rest of my life? and more importantly.... will my son hate me for doing it to him? I would never pierce my daughter's ears without her consent, so why would I do this?

I spent months and months weighing up the pro's and con's -50/50.

at 4 weeks my boy started being fussy with breastfeeding. a Nurse found my boy to have a severe tongue tie which was stopping him from feeding. It was a week before christmas and the only DR who could fit me in was the same one who did the circumising too ( only one in Brisbane) I sat in the waiting room and in the time I was there I saw 6 baby boys who went into the procedure. I thought to myself there really is still alot of people getting their boys done! so after my son had his tongue tie fixed, I found myself booking him in for the Circumism too. the date was set a month away... which was today.

Looking back now I really feel for a woman that was in the waiting room. she was there with her 2 week old boy and her husband. She was crying before he went in. You could tell she didn't want it done but her husband did. I really hope she doesnt regret it.

So anyway now I'm blabbering.

I do really believe in fate and I think coming accross this website was meant to be. I felt so proud to pick my boy up out of his cot this morning and I kissed him and said an Angel saved you. I rang my husband who had already left for work and told him not to leave work early " We're NOT getting him done." I didn't even say sorry. . ALL I said was if he really wants it done he can do it when he is old enough to make that decision for himself. Its not our choice to make. I am wondering if deep down DH is relieved that I have made the choice for him. Now I feel we can move forward and enjoy our little bundle of joy without having this decision over our heads!

I am so thankful to everyone who took the time to post on here, which is why I'm taking the time to do the same. You are all my Angels, i cannot thank you enough. strangers who have become friends in a time of need. THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!!! I hope my story saves someone else's son too!


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## vachi73

Yippee HoneyCakes!! Enjoy that beautiful boy of yours and don't ever second-guess yourself. Go Mama!


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## jccretarolo

My 5 year old and 19 month old are both circ'd and I do regret having it done. After many long talks with my SO I let him win the battle with out older son, I then felt I had to get our younger son done so they would "match". I did watch when both were done and neither cried and it went very well, I'm also glad the the person who did both of them left a little extra skin. I'm now pregnant again and really hope this is a girl so I don't even have to fight to not circ the next baby.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

I hope that if this one is a boy you can find the courage to do the right thing and keep him intact. Even if your ds's didnt show pain during theirs it dosnt mean they will not have issues down the road from them. I hope they do not but it is still very possible.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *honeycakes*
> 
> wow I am so glad I came accross this thread. It saved my little boy from getting circumised by 12 hours. I put my boy to bed last night changed his nappy and took a look at what I thought would be one of the last looks at his intact penis. He was scheduled for the procedure today.Then before I went to bed i checked my emails for one last time and then something pushed me in the direction of this website. I typed into google search
> 
> " regrets about circumising" and this came up. I was up for hours then just reading page after page about stories of other mothers who have regretted the procedure. I have been undecided for months about getting it done. My DH is done and I love the look of a circumised penis. Let me be honest I have always found it attractive and I have thought it is more hygenic.
> 
> But then on the other hand is it my decision to mutilate my son's penis just because i think a circumised penis looks better? Will I regret doing it for the rest of my life? and more importantly.... will my son hate me for doing it to him? I would never pierce my daughter's ears without her consent, so why would I do this?
> 
> I spent months and months weighing up the pro's and con's -50/50.
> 
> at 4 weeks my boy started being fussy with breastfeeding. a Nurse found my boy to have a severe tongue tie which was stopping him from feeding. It was a week before christmas and the only DR who could fit me in was the same one who did the circumising too ( only one in Brisbane) I sat in the waiting room and in the time I was there I saw 6 baby boys who went into the procedure. I thought to myself there really is still alot of people getting their boys done! so after my son had his tongue tie fixed, I found myself booking him in for the Circumism too. the date was set a month away... which was today.
> 
> Looking back now I really feel for a woman that was in the waiting room. she was there with her 2 week old boy and her husband. She was crying before he went in. You could tell she didn't want it done but her husband did. I really hope she doesnt regret it.
> 
> So anyway now I'm blabbering.
> 
> I do really believe in fate and I think coming accross this website was meant to be. I felt so proud to pick my boy up out of his cot this morning and I kissed him and said an Angel saved you. I rang my husband who had already left for work and told him not to leave work early " We're NOT getting him done." I didn't even say sorry. . ALL I said was if he really wants it done he can do it when he is old enough to make that decision for himself. Its not our choice to make. I am wondering if deep down DH is relieved that I have made the choice for him. Now I feel we can move forward and enjoy our little bundle of joy without having this decision over our heads!
> 
> I am so thankful to everyone who took the time to post on here, which is why I'm taking the time to do the same. You are all my Angels, i cannot thank you enough. strangers who have become friends in a time of need. THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!!! I hope my story saves someone else's son too!










I'm so glad you found us, and thank you so much fror sharing your story. I hope that it will take some of the guilt away from some of the women in this thread Hopefully this post can help them to see that eventhough they did something they regret, their stories have helped to keep another boy intact.


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## whoami

We decided to get our baby boy cut and I feel SO bad. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make and I hope the guilt will go away with time. The pediatric office we chose has two doctors and both did not circumcise their sons, so that made the decision even harder. Even after all the research and information I showed my honey he was still set on having it done, however we agreed to be neutral about it until he was born and then we could talk about it again when we saw his pediatrician, which I knew was anti circumcisions.

She made the point that she could care less if the dad is cut, but when it came to brothers, and one having it done, it created more of an issue and felt it was probably best to get it done. She had many situations with parents and problems between brothers because one being intact and the other not. I personally think most of the issues could be overcome with open communication though. Anyways, when she was talking about this she didn't know our son was cut. In the end we ended up getting it done in the hospital and watched it. After the procedure I asked the doctor why she didn't do it to her son and she said after having done so many she just couldn't do it to her own son.







I should have asked before but didn't. She was very gentle though and careful as she did it. Our first son had a different technique done which was quicker utilized a knife and nothing else that I can recall.

There's nothing I can do now though but having to care for his wound is killing me.


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## Lauren82

I really hate that she is saying that to people. I think you're right about the open communication. I know this topic has come up before where a mama decides to leave a 2nd or 3rd son intact when one or more was circumcised. So far I have yet to hear of brothers taking issue when things were explained.

I'm sorry that you have regrets. Perhaps if you have another son you will make the choice to leave him intact knowing that you can gently explain to your other sons why.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whoami*
> 
> She made the point that she could care less if the dad is cut, but when it came to brothers, and one having it done, it created more of an issue and felt it was probably best to get it done. She had many situations with parents and problems between brothers because one being intact and the other not. I personally think most of the issues could be overcome with open communication though.


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## Mittsy

Unfortunately for us DS was born with pretty bad hypospadias with chordee and dorsal hood, a true medical reason for needing to get circumsized. The Ped. Urologist could have restored his foreskin but she wasn't confident about the procedure, and it could mean more surgery if things went wrong, so DS had the surgery at 6mo(at the doc's insistence since we were getting out of the military. I still feel guilty about this....


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## pennnyforum

Both our sons are circumcised and I have regrets about them for very different reasons.

I'm from the UK, my DH is American and, circumcised. I was surprised by this when I met first met him. Later, because in my work as a children's nurse I discovered most American boys have been routinely cut like my DH, whereas, I only saw a few boys in England like that and they had lost their foreskins for religious reasons or medical problems. Otherwise it is discouraged.

When I became pregnant with our first son, my husband was in favour of having him circumcised because he and ALL males in his family were. I wasn't keen and pointed out that NONE of the men in my family were (Dad and three brothers). Stalemate. So we brought our son home intact and agreed to take the advice of our ped. at the first check up.

Her only comment was: "This is America, it's what we do!"

Thinking I'd best conform so he's a 'regular' boy when he goes to school, I made an appointment and my ped. did it in her office a couple of weeks later. I was in and out in 30 minutes, my son didn't cry, and fed OK straight afterwards like nothing happened. The plastic ring fell off in four days and it healed, neat and complete in the week. Nor any problems ever since.

My DH cared for me the first week, then my MIL helped me for two weeks. She made approving noises about my agreeing to have it done. ("He'll be just fine with it like that honey...make him a better husband!" smile, nudge wink.)

Then my parents flew out to meet their new grandson. When my mother changed him the first time she called me over and whispered: "What's happened to his thingy?" I explained. She couldn't believe I did this as in her opinion it was quite unnecessary. When she told dad I learned he was not happy about it either. He just said "Poor little b****r". It was clear he was disappointed in me. I felt awful, like I'd really let down my boy and my side of the family.

That might have been it, shrugged off as a clash of opinions, if I hadn't met a fiercely anti circ. friend at my mother and baby group. She was a NO CIRC guardian! I was given a lecture, literature and links all over the internet convincing me I'd made a big mistake. I didn't tell anyone, what's done is done, I thought but I vowed I'd never circumcise another boy if I had one.

Well luckily I did have another son and thought this was my chance to make amends. My DH wasn't at all happy but after a few weeks and when he saw I was really determined, he reluctantly agreed it could be my call this time. So number two remained intact despite my ped's raised eyebrows and my MIL's unrestrained disapproval.

As a nurse in the UK I had been educated to know you should never retract a boys foreskin because it is attached to the head and only releases in later childhood. My son was four when he discovered this trick in the bath and delighted in showing me how he could now make it look like his brother's. I warned him to pop it back in and only let it out quickly for a rinse from now on.

It was about a year later when he came to me and explained his willy was hurting. When I checked, the foreskin was red and inflamed. The ped, gave us a prescription which cleared it up for a week or two but it kept recurring every couple of months. Eventually, with my son wailing tears at the next ped visit, she checked him out and diagnosed severe phimosis. The foreskin tip which is, normally stretches had become scarred with infection, tight and quite un-retractable. I knew enough to realise the inevitable; my son now needed circumcising.

Bless them, neither my ped, my DH nor my MIL ever gloated or used the dreaded words; "I told you so!" But they must have thought it. Compared to his brother, my younger son was much more upset by the later experience and cried bitterly at times for they first day or two. I really regret having to put him through that but he seems to be OK with it now. Children are surprisingly resilient.

Circumcision seems to be one of those things you can get wrong whatever you do. If I could have foreseen my youngest would have had to be done at the age he was, I would have reluctantly agreed to it, rather than him having the memory he will have for the rest of his life.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

Even recurring infection is not a reason to circ I am sorry that you where told wrongly on that.


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## Dev

Doulalee - I am sorry to hear of your heartfelt pain. Let go of most of the blame because as you stated, you were not told the facts, and were unaware of them at the time.... 30 years ago. If you havn't already, apologize to your son and ensure he (and your daughter) are the best educated on the circumcision and gential integrity debate so that any grandsons are spared the unnecessary amputation of their prepuce. If I was your son I could forgive you because you have made it a mission to educate others and prevent further harm. The fact you have "saved" other boys and their parents future grief and pain is heartwarming and worthy of forgiveness. Best regards and many blessings in your efforts to protect little boys from harmful genital cutting in a circumcising culture.


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## CookAMH

I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine my son going through this. Also, I am SO THANKFUL your son is alive!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *monkey mamma*
> 
> On a glorious autumn morning my sweet son was born into a family full of love in the peaceful surroundings of his parent's bed. Jack came into the world with much to say and introduced himself in a very boisterous way.
> The peace and tranquility ended on day 16 of his life. On that day, the tears and hurt began. My husband and I took Jack to have his circumcision performed at the office of a recommended urologist. We naively believed that this was "just a routine procedure". My husband filled out the paperwork while I nursed Jack in the waiting room. We were called back and asked if we wanted to stay in the room while the doctor did the procedure. We both wanted to be there for him and I wanted to be able to nurse him for comfort right away. Jack was strapped down and the doctor numbed his penis. He screamed in pain and I felt my stomach drop. A few minutes later the doctor did the cut and the nurse commented, "That's a beauty." The doctor invited my husband to take a look seemingly proud of what he had just done. We were told to put Vaseline dressings on at each diaper change and dismissed to go home. I again nursed my little man and then buckled him into the car seat. Jack cried for a few minutes and then fell asleep from the stress of it all. When we arrived home we were greeted by my mom and Jack's big brother and sister. We cuddled on the sofa for a little bit and then my mom took Jack into my room to change his diaper before we sat down to dinner. I heard my mom yell for me in a frantic voice. I rushed in to see what was alarming her and was shocked to see Jack had bleed through his cloth diaper and the diaper cover. There was a lot of blood and it was still oozing out of the circumcision site. I yelled for my husband to call the doctor right away. It was now about 5:45 pm so when he called the doctor's office no one answered. I insisted he keep trying and then attempted to call myself 3 times. When it became clear we would not get through to the doctor I called Jack's pediatrician. He instructed us to apply very firm pressure to his penis for 10 minutes and if the bleeding did not stop to go to the emergency room. After 10 minutes it was clear that this was not going to be enough to subside the bleeding. We jumped in the van and rushed to the emergency room. By the time we got to the ER Jack had lost a lot more blood. I was holding him in the waiting room and my jeans were soaked with his blood, the blanket I had wrapped him in was soaked with blood, his little socks were soaked with blood. When we arrived they assessed the situation and asked us why we had not called the urologist. We informed them we could not reach him. My husband continued to hold firm pressure on Jack's penis while the ER staff decided what to do. They were able to contact the urologist and decided to use a liquid to try to stop the bleeding. The ER doctor told us it had a 50/50 chance of working. The bleeding slowed down for a few minutes and then picked up again. The bed and the towels on the bed became saturated with Jack's blood. My husband and a paramedic in training held pressure to Jack's penis while we waited for an ambulance to transfer us to the ER where the urologist who did this to Jack had privileges. It seems we chose the wrong ER unknowingly since we were not told what to do in the event of an emergency. The urologist on call at the ER we originally went to refused to fix the mistake of another doctor. The ambulance crew arrived and was instructed that it was necessary to continue to apply pressure to Jack's penis to slow the bleeding. The EMT that would be sitting in the back of the ambulance with Jack and me insisted that I buckle him into his car seat rather than hold him in my arms on the stretcher. Against my instincts I complied. When we got situated in the back of the ambulance the driver turned on the lights and began to drive quickly to the next ER. The EMT in the back said "You can kill all that." At which time the driver turned off the lights and began driving the speed limit. Inside I was screaming "What? No, we need to get there quickly." But, I thought the EMT knew best since he was the medical professional. I was sitting next to Jack's car seat and keeping a close eye on him. I commented that he was bleeding through the towels and the EMT came over to take a look then sat back down. A few minutes later I repeated that he was losing more blood and was answered with a "Mmm." I then questioned why Jack was looking so pale and why his lips were turning blue. The EMT responded "There could be a lot of reasons for that." Again I dumbly trusted the medical professional. I assumed we were safe because we were in the back of an ambulance. During the 45 minute drive to the ER (which could have been less than 20 minutes had the driver left the lights on and gone fast) I continued to comment on Jack's blood loss and color. The EMT only checked the monitor for oxygen levels. When we finally arrived at the next ER the paramedic on duty there took one look at Jack and said "His color is awful. We need to get an IV in this baby right away." They put in the IV and placed an oxygen mask on my baby's face. I was terrified. My husband and I were both sobbing and stood there holding onto one another and asking God to "Please spare our son. " I looked down to see his car seat full of blood. We felt completely helpless and so guilty that our baby had to endure this. The urologist that had performed the circumcision came in and placed four sutures in Jack's penis. He had cut the frenula artery when performing the original surgery. The bleeding finally stopped. The ER staff then drew some blood to run Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit levels. They came back low but not low enough to warrant a blood transfusion so we were monitored for a couple of hours then sent home. We were told to have the blood work done again the next day. I did not want to cause Jack extra stress so I asked my midwife to please come to the house to take his blood rather than driving him back to the lab. She agreed and said she would drive the blood right to the hospital for testing. When she arrived, she checked his heart rate and breathing and drew the blood. She left and on the way to the hospital she called Jack's pediatrician to discuss his condition. She then called me and informed me that they both agreed that due to his rapid heart rate and breathing as well as his listless state that I needed to call 911 right away and go back to the ER with Jack. I did just that and this time had an amazing ambulance crew. My midwife was there waiting for us with the lab results that Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit had dropped dramatically since the night before. The ER wanted to run their own test so Jack was poked again. The results came back the same. We were then sent by ambulance to a hospital with a pediatric unit. We were admitted to the hospital and spent 23 hours there being observed. His levels were checked at 5:00am the next morning and were on the rise so he did not require a blood transfusion. We had to stay until 8:00pm that night because he was still very lethargic and nursing poorly. He lost 5 ounces and needed to show the doctors that he could eat well before we could go home. The next two weeks we had follow up appointments and more blood work to make sure Jack's hemoglobin and hematocrit continued to rise. He has to take iron supplements until his levels are normal again. All of this because we believed the lie that circumcision is "just a simple procedure." During the time our son was meant to learn that his world is a safe and loving place, he had to endure needless pain. Please consider what happened to Jack before you decide to have your son circumcised.


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## pennnyforum

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MCatLvrMom2A&X*
> 
> Even recurring infection is not a reason to circ I am sorry that you where told wrongly on that.


Please believe me my son's foreskin was so badly scarred and damaged from the infections, it had lost all elasticity and would never have retracted for cleaning or intercourse as an adult. This was the what I was told by the the surgeon I consulted which confirmed by own nursing experience. He also said he hated doing them except as a last resort because circumcision is so final. Once the foreskin has gone, it's gone for the rest of a boy's life. That's a thought which will always haunt me.

Much as I hated the idea it was the kindest thing to cut my son. My only consolation is that he has been fine ever since and now matches my DH and his older brother.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

What was done during the infections to identify them? If a swab was done and proper treatment applied then odds are extremely low he would have developed scaring so bad that it would have had serious issues. Also until he had went through puberty there is no way to know exactly how bad the scar tissue was. I personally feel that waiting until then would have been the better option rather than putting him through the pain of circ when he wasnt fully able to understand why. As a young man he could have tried stretching to break the scar tissue down using steroid cream.

Another thing a full circ would not have been needed just the removal of the tip of the foreskin where the band of scar tissue was allowing him to keep the majority of his foreskin. I am writing that for any lurkers out there who think a full on circ is the only answer when in fact it is far from it in cases like this.

Proper identification of what was causing the problem before scaring could occur would have been far preferable.

My dh and ds do not match and neither one of them cares. Ds hasnt noticed that dh is different other than size and dh is fine with ds being how mature intended him to be.

I added all I did for anyone else out there possibly going through this with their ds in the hopes they might be willing to wait on this surgery not to criticize the decision you made with your ds. There are always other options out there besides removal of the entire foreskin even keeping some is better than nothing.


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## MyBoysBlue

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MCatLvrMom2A&X*
> 
> Another thing a full circ would not have been needed just the removal of the tip of the foreskin where the band of scar tissue was allowing him to keep the majority of his foreskin. I am writing that for any lurkers out there who think a full on circ is the only answer when in fact it is far from it in cases like this.
> 
> I added all I did for anyone else out there possibly going through this with their ds in the hopes they might be willing to wait on this surgery not to criticize the decision you made with your ds. There are always other options out there besides removal of the entire foreskin even keeping some is better than nothing.


Just adding a link to go along with MCatLvrMom2A&X's message to lurkers.

Conservative Treatments Patient-Friendly Alternatives to Circumcision

http://www.norm-uk.org/circumcision_alternative_treatments.html

"A preputioplasty should be able to cure any tight foreskin where stretching and steroid cream application have failed. This is an operation in which a cut is made through the tight ring that is limiting foreskin retraction"


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## tqoe62

This is our story. The deepest wound I carry as a Mother is knowing that my oldest son suffered needlessly because of what I didn't know. My younger son is so grateful that I learned the truth. Not just for his own sake, but for the sake of the boys whose Mothers I educate so that they will not make the same horrible mistake I made. Before I left the hospital that day I was an intactivist. I had never even heard that word, but I knew in every fiber of my being that this was wrong and I had to do something to stop it.

I have been educating parents since that time. At first all I could tell them was my story and that it was wrong on a deep instinctual level. After 28 years of research, there's no question I can't answer and not debate I'll back down from.

I direct a chapter of www.NoCirc.org and am a California rep for www.theWHOLEnetwork.org . I often give SOS packs from http://www.savingpenises.org/our-information-packs.html to doulas, midwives, nurses, doctors, childbirth educatators, LLC's, whomever might be willing to learn and share their knowledge with others. I do allot of work on the web as well.

" My Beloved Son,

Before you were born I was already planning all the best things I knew I could do for you. I would try and ensure that you had a gentle birth. I would give you the milk from my breasts although I had no support from my family, because I knew this was best. I would love you with all my heart and protect you from harm.

I read every book I could find on pregnancy and natural child care. I soaked it all in like a sponge. The one thing that I could not find was accurate information on circumcision. My public library hadn't a single book that mentioned anything negative about it. So I asked men that I knew what they thought was best. I asked both circumcised and intact men. Some said it was good that I was asking questions, some thought I was silly, but answered nonetheless. Surprisingly they _all_ said that it was probably the best way to go. Even my own intact father. My brother had been circumcised. I talked with my doctor who explained that is was a quick, simple, painless procedure and there was nothing to worry about. It was just 'routine.' I believed at that point that I was informed. I was not.

When you were taken from me at the hospital and carried down the hallway to a 'sound proof' room something inside me started to panic. A million thoughts were swirling through my head all at once... and then I heard you scream. It was a sound unlike anything I had ever heard in my life.

The hair stood up on the back of my neck and my knees buckled. It felt like my heart was no longer beating and I could feel my face flush and tears start to fall down my cheeks. There was a knot in my gut and I wanted to vomit. I was shaking and I muttered, "Oh God what have I done?" A nurse, almost laughing, said to me, "Oh he's okay honey, he'll be just fine and he won't remember a thing." I grasped at that delusion for a moment, but I knew that I would never forget it. I would never be the same person again.

When they handed you back to me I could hardly breath. The look on your face was that of shock, pain and betrayal. I held you close to me and whispered through my tears, "Oh my God, I am so sorry. I am so sorry, I am so sorry..."

All the sparkle was gone from your eyes and I knew that I had been lied to. I felt so betrayed and confused. I felt such guilt for having hurt you this way. How could I have not instinctively known that this was wrong? How could everyone in my country, in the world, not _instinctively_ know that this was wrong? Why didn't even a single person ever say to me that *you were perfect as you were* and this pain was unnecessary. Or even mention pain at all? I was so full of hatred towards the doctors. They knew what they were doing, and they lied to me. They hurt you and thought nothing of it. I was so full of hatred toward myself for letting those bastards hurt you that way.

I made a choice that wasn't mine to make, one that I wasn't equipped to make, one that I should never have been allowed to make.

Every time I bathed you, changed your diaper, or let you run free, I was reminded of my own guilt, of my own culpability for your suffering. I felt so ashamed. So stupid. So gullible for having believed it was nothing serious.

I close my eyes and I still see the dazed look of confusion in your face. The sound of your screams are seared into my brain. Not a single day has gone by that my heart doesn't hurt. I am scarred too. But the scars I bear are in my soul.

The more I learned, the angrier and more deeply hurt I became. Especially when I realized the extent of what was taken from you and that it would affect you for the rest of your life. That it would impact your sexuality and your relationships.

I started to tell other moms what it was like, what I had learned, and not to let this happen to their babies. I didn't want any other babies to be hurt or any other mother to ever feel the way I feel. My pain is what drives me to do something to stop this insanity.

28 years later I am still talking to moms and dads, to grandparents, to anyone who will listen. I don't ever want another mother to say they didn't know, or ask why no one told them the truth before it was too late. I think one of the hardest realities a parent can ever face is knowing that their own ignorance caused their child harm.

I saved your brother from the suffering I put you through. He is whole and safe and happy. I protected him because I learned the ugly truth the hard way. At your expense. He is very grateful that I learned to do better.

There is nothing I wouldn't give to go back and change things. But that isn't possible, so I work hard to try and save other baby boys from suffering needlessly as you did. I talk and talk and talk so that no other boy will be robbed of his right to a whole body.

So my darling son, I say this to you: I love you now as I have loved you always. I hope you can forgive me for what I didn't know.

Love,
Mom"

By Lauren Stone © 2011

http://www.drmomma.org/2011/02/letter-to-my-son.html

Please feel free to share the above link.


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## mama*pisces

I was uneducated about subject, my husband was adamant about it, and I allowed it to be done to our boy.  I deeply regret it, but I try not to beat myself up about it. I didn't know any better.


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## familyofsixinpa

My first two sons were circumsized without hesitation. We did it to make them "match" my husband. Even though my youngest just turned one, I've already come to believe that we made a mistake in doing so. Neither boy has had any major complications as a result of the surgery, but even without such "incentive", I've turned to the perspective that we shouldn't be taking a risk and altering our children's bodies without their permission. We let our daughter decide if/when she wanted to pierce her ears; we didn't feel it was "right" to make that decision for her; why should we be making an even bigger decision about our boys' genitalia? (one that can't be reversed)

We're expecting another little boy in July and I'm insisting that we do not have him cut, but my husband is still on the fence. I'm seriously hoping to persuade him to leave the little guy alone by the time he arrives!


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## Night_Nurse

Bumping!


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## sunshinemoma

I get teary eyed thinking about the choice dh and I made for our son. I feel awful and it was wrong. He hasn't had any complications but I wish I'd known then what I've learned since. I never would have allowed it. Would you have you daughter circumcized? Probably not. In fact in America it's usually referred to as "genital mutilation". It's wrong. If you had been "circumsized" as girl would it make it right continue? NO. It's not your body. Should not be your choice. At any rate I try not to beat myself up to much about it but then I do wonder, WHY? What was I thinking?? If you wouldn't have it done to your daughters please don't buy into the mindframe that it's 'normal'. Double standards are common but it doesn't make them right. I will never allow a child of mine to mutilated/circumcized ever again. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but honestly, if we were not accustomed to this awfully dehumanizing procedure, we would be totally horrified of it, no?


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## tammylsmith

I strongly urge you not to "hope" to persuade your dh. I love dh with all my heart and we are partners in all matters. He was an unmovable rock on this issue because I think the idea of his own circumcision being unnecessary was unbearable to him. I had to come to the conclusion that he wouldn't be convinced, and I stopped pressuring him to give me an answer. My mind was made up, but I had no intention of being hostile. Not all husbands are convinced. That doesn't make it their decision (even though I don't advocate creating WWIII over it either) because he is the one advocating surgery after all. You are advocating just leaving the baby as he is born. My Dh eventually apologized once ds was born, but we still don't talk about it in depth. I think the psychological hurdles are very difficult, and I love dh as he is, so I'm not asking him to face them down.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *familyofsixinpa*
> 
> My first two sons were circumsized without hesitation. We did it to make them "match" my husband. Even though my youngest just turned one, I've already come to believe that we made a mistake in doing so. Neither boy has had any major complications as a result of the surgery, but even without such "incentive", I've turned to the perspective that we shouldn't be taking a risk and altering our children's bodies without their permission. We let our daughter decide if/when she wanted to pierce her ears; we didn't feel it was "right" to make that decision for her; why should we be making an even bigger decision about our boys' genitalia? (one that can't be reversed)
> 
> We're expecting another little boy in July and I'm insisting that we do not have him cut, but my husband is still on the fence. I'm seriously hoping to persuade him to leave the little guy alone by the time he arrives!


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## puddle

I want to thank everyone who has posted to this thread. I've read every single post, and they helped me not to acquiesce in the face of unbearable pressure. In my situation, my husband was never convinced. The reason that my son is intact is because I told the urologist that I didn't want to do it, and he refused to proceed without both parents agreeing. Had he been willing to go ahead, I have no idea how it would have played out. I wrote a letter to my son in anticipation of this being done when I didn't know if I could stop it, and I thought I would share it in case it helps anyone. I am so thankful that I don't have to carry this regret, and my heart breaks for those of you who do.

Dear XXXX,

You're cuddled up peacefully against me. You're so happy and innocent and perfect. You're four days old and you are amazing. I want to give you everything. And I'm already failing you. I'm so sorry, XXXX. I won't ask you to forgive me because I'll never forgive myself. I'm your mother and it's my job to protect you. And I don't know how to do it. This week, your dad and I will take you to a doctor's office. They will strap you to a board and cut off a perfectly healthy part of your body. The most sensitive part of your perfect little body will be raw and sore. There is no medical reason for us to do this to you or put you through this pain. But we're doing it anyway. I don't know how to stop it. I am failing you. Letting this happen goes against everything I ever wanted to teach you. I don't know how I'll be able to look you in the eyes after I do this to you. How can I teach you to love your body when I'm showing you that your body wasn't good enough? How can I teach you to be confident in being who you are when we're putting you through surgery just so you'll fit in? How can I teach you to love and accept others the way they are when we're rejecting your perfect little brand new body the way it is? How can I teach you to believe in yourself and believe that you can do anything if we think your body needs surgery because we don't think you're capable of basic hygiene? And how can I teach you that God made you when I'm showing you that God made a mistake? I'm so sorry for not protecting you. I'm so sorry that I will never be able to be the mother that you deserve now. Please know that I believed in you, XXXX. I believed that you would be a strong, confident man who would love his body the way God made it, love who he was, and not give a damn about what other people thought you should look like or who you should be. I fought for you, XXXX. I just didn't fight hard enough, and I will regret that for the rest of my life. And I will spend the rest of my life trying my best to undo the damage that I'm letting be done. I will always cherish these first few days of your life, when you were still whole and trusting and the happiest baby I've ever seen. The days before I failed you. I love you, XXXX. I'm so so sorry.

Love,

Mommy


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## Bisou

Puddle,

Did your husband read that letter you wrote to your son? If so, I can't see how any caring, compassionate husband could still insist on it being done, not only for your son (most important!), but also because of your strong feelings! Wow. Just shocking. If I felt like this happening to my son would mean I had failed as a mother and my husband ignored those feelings and STILL insisted, the marriage would be on rocky ground, and soon.

I was a single parent when my son was born, so I was lucky that the decision was mine and mine alone. I am also happy that I had, by chance, learned about circumcision well before I was even pregnant and had already decided that it was a terrible and unnecessary procedure. My previous boyfriend had been a chiropractor and was very opposed to circumcision, and I had also dated two uncircumcised men. Yes, it was a bit odd at first because I wasn't used to it, but it's just like any other body part: as long as it's kept clean, there are no problems.

Should my son ever decide he wants to be circumcised, that's his choice when he is an adult, just as any cosmetic procedure would be. Even then, I would strongly encourage him NOT to do it, unless he had a medical issue. I don't think there are tons of intact men clamoring to be circ'd as adults though!

My little guy is now almost six years old and has never had a single problem with his intact penis, yet I have friends with circ'd boys who have had many problems (infections, adhesions, pain, etc).


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## puddle

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Bisou*
> 
> Puddle,
> 
> Did your husband read that letter you wrote to your son? If so, I can't see how any caring, compassionate husband could still insist on it being done, not only for your son (most important!), but also because of your strong feelings! Wow. Just shocking. If I felt like this happening to my son would mean I had failed as a mother and my husband ignored those feelings and STILL insisted, the marriage would be on rocky ground, and soon.


My DH didn't read the letter, but I pretty much said all the same stuff to him. He wasn't being an uncaring husband, he was just trying to be a good father. He genuinely believed (and still does) that circing is the right thing to do, and he believes it as strongly as I believe the opposite. He wasn't willing to sacrifice our son's well-being for mine anymore than I was willing to do the same for him. He is convinced that someday our son will be outraged that we didn't do this for him, and that not fighting for it to be done would be failing as a father. He is starting with the assumption that a cut penis is a superior penis, and that it's a gift we should have given our son. While the ideal scenario would have been for DH to have been convinced, I think the way it played out was actually the next best thing in the long run. Neither of us caved in, we both stood by and fought for our son so we have no regrets about our own actions, and in the end, DS is still in one piece. Now if that doomsday DH is anticipating ever does arrive, DH can look his son in the eye and tell him he did everything he could to have it done. And it will all be on me. And I welcome that responsibility, because I believe with all my heart that leaving his body alone was the right thing.


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## PuppyFluffer

Puddle, I agree, leaving his body as it was created is the right thing to do.


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## lurve

my husband would have had our son cut and still doesn't agree with my decision. but at the end of the day, i am the mama. my son's protector.

and since we had a homebirth, i didn't have to worry about our son going anywhere. physically i just held him and no one could take him from me and thus my decision was sealed. and now at 14 months old i still hold him tight!


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## Bisou

Puddle~

I guess that makes sense. Have you ever suggested that your husband talk to an uncircumcised man to see how he feels about it? I have dated two uncirced men, and they thought it was ridiculous that we circ men in this country. (One was from India; the other from Mexico.) They had much better sexual function than any other men I've dated --- not to be graphic, but no problems maintaining erections and that sort of thing like some circ'd men have, especially when they are wearing condoms. An uncirc'd penis is simply much more sensitive!

Has your husband read the many websites that are out there where men mourn their circumcisions? I suppose he is circumcised himself, so he feels fine with it, but I have also heard that some fathers' reluctance to NOT circ is because they don't want to admit, even somewhere subconsciously, that they were harmed or limited by what they went through as babies.

In addition to wanting my son to make his own decisions about his body, I thought, what if I decided to do this, and something went terribly wrong and he was disfigured for life? (As if circumcision isn't disfiguring enough. . . .) I just couldn't imagine the extreme guilt one would feel having a child circumcised and having the penis end up cut off or severely mutilated. I know it doesn't happen a lot, but just the CHANCE that that could happen for an unnecessary surgery was frightening. That wasn't my main deciding factor, but I did think about it.

I also had stories of men who told me that they felt what happened to them was the same as female circumcision (I am a college writing teacher, and believe it or not, it came up in a freshman composition class!), a friend who heard her newborn baby screaming like he was being slaughtered when he was taken down the hall for circumcision in the hospital (well before I was ever a mother or even thought of it, but I thought of her story when I was pregnant with my son), and a chiropractor I dated who was forced to watch circumcision videos in chiropractic college and swore, along with all the males in his class, that he would NEVER do that to his child, should he have one. I also live in a very liberal place, so that was a help too.

I am proud of you, Puddle, for standing up for what was right for your son. Where we live, there might even be LESS boys circumcised than intact, so at least where we live, it will be very common when my son is older. Maybe that will be the case for your boy also? On the West Coast, it's under 40% in most states according to some statistics. Google it! )


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## UberMama

Bump bump!


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## mare54

Reading this made me teary. I, like many other moms, gave into a husbands desire for the son to look like him. Back 32 years ago, I knew it was wrong then, but did not have the facts that are out there today to back up my feelings. The hospital didn't give me any information on circumcision either, and since it wasn't included in my lamaze classes, I gave in to the notion that my then husband had the right to make the circ decision for our son. When they brought my son back to me after the circ, he was shaking and sobbing, and I took one look at that red, raw little penis and knew I made a huge mistake. There was a hurt so deep inside that I don't even know where it was, but it was there! I seriously wanted to kill my then husband and everyone who had anything to do with doing that to my baby. I still feel the guilt, even 32 years later, but I don't beat myself up over it. If I can make efforts to provide information and facts about the negative effects of circumcision to others, just maybe I can save at least one other baby boy. That's what helps me heal, and healing is an ongoing process!


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## Ablemec

Reading these posts makes me want to cry for all your mamas and your sons. I am so glad that my first born son is about to born to me at an age when I have done some research. I'm certain that if I had gotten pregnant in my early 20s I would have circ'ed him with no thought at all. It's not something I ever really thought about until I got pregnant and the possibility loomed. DH's history with circumcision is a bit unusual and so the issue wasn't entirely black and white for him.

DH was born outside the US, and was left intact. He came to the US as a very young boy and grew up in a very mainstream area. His parents were separated, but he did spend some time with his dad, who was left intact as a child but was circ'ed at around 18 years of age for allegedly "medical" reasons (though it's not clear it was necessary). Apparently, at some point in early adolescence DH's mother caught him trying to circ himself. He was tired of being "weird" and picked on at school, where, as far as he knew, he was the only intact boy, and not looking like his dad. His mother stated that they would talk about it, and if he felt strongly enough, after he'd been informed, she would take him to a doctor who would do it for him. She then proceeded to track down every foreign man she knew and actually asked them about their penises, and asked if they would be willing to talk to her son. And I'm so thankful she did because DH was convinced to keep himself intact "for now" and see how he felt when he was older. When he was older and over the awkwardness of being pubescent he never reconsidered not mutilating his penis. And he definitely doesn't regret the decision now. But, when we found out we were having a boy, he was a bit apprehensive about leaving him intact. I assume he was reliving some childhood traumas of being picked on and out of place (his being intact was only one reason, his being foreign another, etc.), and wanted to spare his son that experience. We had a nice long conversation about it, and discussed the fact that circumcision is much less common these days, our son will likely not be the only, or even only one of a few. And he came around very quickly. Now he can't imagine cutting into our precious little boy, and he hasn't even come into this world yet. But he still marvels (as do I) at the power of social thinking that he was considering mutilating his son's body, even though he made the decision as an adolescent and an adult not to mutilate himself, just because "that's what's done." It boggles the mind, really.


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## mare54

You are so lucky! I am forever amazed at the lack of information in the mainstream about the effects of circumcision. It' never easy to be different, but with the rate of RIC at 32% as of 2009, it is doubtful your son will suffer any feelings of being different! Eventually more and more people will be educated, and those of us who understand just have to continue trying to pass the word about it. Good Luck with your precious new son!


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## Rach5780

My beautiful and absolutely PERFECT son was born 2 weeks ago today and regretfully, he was circumcised yesterday. I never wanted to have my son circumcised for I felt it to be absolutely unnecessary and once I laid my eyes on him for the first time-and every time there after, I knew there was nothing on him that I ever wanted to change. Not even his penis. In the days leading up to the circumcision appointment, I grew more and more nervous about it. After reading up on the benefits of leaving the penis intact along with the possible risks involved with the procedure, I felt deep in my gut that circumcising him would be the wrong thing to do. It killed me to imagine him in any pain and I knew I'd never be able to live with myself if something were to go wrong. I spent the night before the procedure crying all night long dreading having to take him the next morning. I woke up and asked my boyfriend how strongly he felt about having our son circumcised. (He is circumcised) He told me he would be really upset if I didn't take our son and the same old story of "What will he think when he realizes he doesn't look like me" and "He will be made fun of for being different". I knew these things did not matter because after reading up on it all night, I knew better. He refused to listen to my feelings on the issue because "I was overreacting and being silly". So I allowed him to convince me that I was just being my usual, over protective self and I got my son and I ready to go to the hospital. Upon arriving, I started to tear up continuously and was balling by the time we were in the room waiting for the doctor to come in. They all assured me that it would be better this way- easier to keep clean etc and that he would never remember it. He may not remember, but I do. I was waiting outside the room and know he did not cry at all thanks to the numbing medicine, and that alone eased my mind for the time being. He seemed fine other than being a little fussy afterward and after keeping us there for an hour to watch for bleeding, they sent us home and I actually felt like everyone was right and I had indeed, overreacted entirely. We got home, I changed his diaper- all was fine-no bleeding. I laid him down for about an hour before I woke him up to again change his diaper and immediately went into panic mode when I found his diaper to be soaked in blood along with his onesie. I immediately called my doctor that performed the surgery and she advised me to remove the gauze and apply pressure for 5mins and if the bleeding did not stop then to take him the the ER. I could not easily remove the gauze because it was so drenched in blood and I was afraid of hurting him so I jumped into my car and took him to the ER, thinking to myself, how could I have ever went against my maternal instinct? I knew it was wrong and I still allowed myself to be swayed by other people's ignorance. When we got to the ER, they weren't even sure what to do because according to them, complications from circumcision are so rare. After talking to my doctor who did the surgery, they applied a type of topical medicine on some gauze and held it on his penis for 20mins until the bleeding stopped. It is used to constrict blood vessels to stop bleeding in many incidents. It indeed worked and almost 24hours later, my son is fine and the physical healing process has begun. The emotional healing for me however, seems very far away. I know it will look better in time, but I hate the way his penis looks now. I miss the way my son looked prior to the procedure. He was perfect in every way. His penis was perfect the way it was. I cannot go back in time and undo what has been done but I know in the future, if I ever have another son, he will no doubt be left intact. As for my son, I can only hope he grows up not to hate his penis and all I know how to do is tell him how sorry I am for not defending his rights. I am his mother and it is my job to protect him and be the voice he doesn't yet have. I failed him yesterday and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I will never feel okay with what I have done to him and I now resent my boyfriend for making me feel guilty for not going thru with it and for not listening to my feelings and beliefs. I can only hope to help any other parents out there reading this to make a better decision than I did and leave your perfect little boys the way they were intended to be-intact. We have our body parts for a reason, even if that reason is still unknown.


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## Bisou

Rach:

I am so sorry for you and sad to read your heartbreaking and traumatic story. This is something that shouldn't have happened to a perfectly healthy little boy. I was lucky in that, as a single mom with a partner who wasn't around, I got to make these decisions myself with no pressure from anyone. I am sorry you and your little boy had to go through this and that your partner was so unsupportive of your feelings.

You are brave to post here, and I hope you and your little boy heal soon.


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## puddle

Rach









I'm so sorry for what you and your son went through. You, your son, and your boyfriend are all victims of our really twisted culture. Thank you for your story. This thread helped save my son, and it will help save others. You did what you thought was best at the time, and your son will forgive you. I hope you can forgive yourself. Sending thoughts of love, healing, and peace to you and your family.


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## mare54

Your story made me cry, and it brought back a very traumatic memory, and that memory is 32 years old. You will never fully recover from the guilt, but you will move on, only now you will always trust your inner Mama. In my case, I was furious at my then husband and anyone who had anything to do with my sons circumcision, but I was most furious at myself for not standing up for my baby. It's true, we can sometimes be very manipulated by external pressures, especially at times we are most vulnerable, but we are only human. I have never talked to my son about his circumcision and perhaps he is happy with it, I don't know. I am sure he probably doesn't remember it either, but like you, I will never forget how he looked before they took him from me and after they brought him back. I don't even know if they gave him anything for the pain, but he came back shaking and crying and I felt a hurt that I don't know exactly where it was, but it was deep. I KNEW I had made a huge mistake, and I was against it all along even without all the information available about circumcision today. My feelings were instinctual, cutting my perfect baby made NO sense to me, period! I never had another boy, but if I had, he would have never been cut. It's plain wrong. Any surgery on a baby that has no true medical necessity should be a crime. I will never understand why people think it is no big deal. It's a very BIG deal to a very little person, who is depending on his parents to make the right decision to leave his body perfect, the way nature intended it. Luckily for parents today, there is so much information they can get about circumcision, and most importantly about the natural functions of the foreskin. I believe that educating people about the natural and important functions of the foreskin, will at least make them think twice about cutting it off. Hopefully parents will ask themselves why they would cut a living tissue off of their new baby son, if it has important functions. We can hope. One day I am going to talk to my son about what happened to him, and I am going to apologize to him, even if at the time he doesn't think it's necessary. It's necessary for me. Enjoy your new baby, they grow so fast, and feel good that you know who you are now and will always listen to your Mama instincts no matter what!


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## imgr8ful

rach - i'm so sorry. your story is very similar to mine 7 years ago. i was a nervous wreck taking him in, it took way longer than i expected, and when they brought him back to me he had stitches in his penis.  i think i have forgiven myself but the guilt i feel is still there and still very strong 7 years later.

mare - does your son have children? i am waiting for the right time to talk to my son about his circumcision. i'm nervous because i don't want him to think there's something wrong with his penis but i want to get the message across that i'm sorry we did this to him and that i hope he doesn't choose circumcision for his sons someday. my husband is 33 and was circumcised and he wishes his very pro-circ parents would talk to him about it. he wants them to know he's not happy with the choice they made, but at the same time he doesn't want to bring it up with them because what's done is done.


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## mare54

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *imgr8ful*
> 
> rach - i'm so sorry. your story is very similar to mine 7 years ago. i was a nervous wreck taking him in, it took way longer than i expected, and when they brought him back to me he had stitches in his penis.  i think i have forgiven myself but the guilt i feel is still there and still very strong 7 years later.
> 
> mare - does your son have children? i am waiting for the right time to talk to my son about his circumcision. i'm nervous because i don't want him to think there's something wrong with his penis but i want to get the message across that i'm sorry we did this to him and that i hope he doesn't choose circumcision for his sons someday. my husband is 33 and was circumcised and he wishes his very pro-circ parents would talk to him about it. he wants them to know he's not happy with the choice they made, but at the same time he doesn't want to bring it up with them because what's done is done.


well your husband is right, what's done is done, and you have to do the best with what you have. What else can you do? At 33, your husband could restore if he wants too, but some men just aren't going to do that. My son married a gal who had a daughter already and I don't think they are having any more children to my dismay (Ha Ha, I love grandchildren!). Even so, I am going to talk to him at some point about it and make a formal apology (even if it's just for me). I would say that if your son isn't asking you at his age, I would wait until he is older to talk to him (before he has any kids of his own). Of course, if he asks, you have a perfect opportunity. BTW, my husband will not talk to his mother about his circumcision, but I have (she's 80) and she was totally in the dark about it all and said they just "did" it to the boys then and no one questioned a doctor. Thankfully things have changed since then, but the problem is still with our society.


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## Night_Nurse

Bumping...because I think this is the most powerful thread I've ever read on any message board.


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## janky swank

I circumcised both my sons. With my first, I did it because I was young and very uninformed, I went along with what the doctors told me and assumed it was the normal and correct thing to do because I had never even seen an intact penis. With my two year old I went ahead with the same procedure so that he would look the same as his older brother. I should have done more research and asked more questions, especially because I had seven years between my children and had come to a clear understanding about how effed our society was in what it considered normal in birthing, raising children, and medicine in general. Somehow I still missed the reality of what the procedure really was. During the operation my two year old had a blood vessel severed which I caught immediately; I had to sit and listen as they "fixed" the issue. I cried outside the door, feeling like a monster, as my new baby screamed in pain all alone. Two years later I am horrified that I somehow allowed twisted conditioning dictate a major life choice that will forever affect both my boys. I deeply regret putting my children through the barbaric, painful experience of genital mutilation. I wish there was some way I could go back and leave them intact. It has been very comforting though to realize that there are other mothers who share this perspective and also regret choosing circumcision.


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## mare54

This is a great place to come to get support with the feelings that go along with making this permanent decision for our boys. The way I am dealing with the regret of not only my failure to protect my son, but also of the ignorance I was in, is by trying to spread the word to others. The more information people have, the better, although as sad as it sounds, some parents will still allow this cutting to be done on their baby. The tide is turning, but it has taken many years to get to this point, so the more people out there who are willing to provide important information about circumcising to others is vital. You can go online and visit NOCIRC; Peaceful Parenting; Saving Our Sons; The Whole Network; IntactAmerica; Not Just Skin.org; and there are a bunch of others with great information and resources. Good luck.


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## ssp76

My son just turned 4 and I still cannot forgive myself for having him circumcised. it is the biggest regret of my life. My feelings of guilt come in waves and this has been a particularly hard time for me. I cry about it all the time. I will never be able to forgive myself but I don't want my son to grow up thinking that there is something wrong with him. I hate myself for not doing enough research and for being swayed after giving birth by my OB.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X

ssp76 maybe writing a letter to your OB explaining how you feel would help you to at least feel like you are doing something for other little boys out there. The only way to get the message out is to let the ones who do the circs know that there are people out here who are upset about it.

We cant change what we have done in the past but we can sure work at changing the future.


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## mare54

Just remember that Moms can be victims too and if a doctor is "swaying" a patient in one direction or the other, it's a red flag to sit down and really do your homework. Many doctors are circumcised too, so it has become a vicious cycle that they continue to do it to babies. I really don't know how a doctor cuts on a newborn like that and then sleeps at night....but sadly they do. Try to give yourself a break, and know that later you can explain it to your son so he understands. What helps me ease the guilt I feel (and my son is not saying anything to me about being unhappy he is cut), but even so, I know I failed to protect him and "gave in" to pressure. It is not my proudest moment as a Mom, but what I do is try to educate other people about the facts of circumcision and hopefully save other babies from being cut. It really helps to communicate with others who feel the same way too. You can private message me if you would like.


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## Failure

If I allow myself to fully confront the horrors to which I exposed my sons (yes, two of them, two years apart) I will drown in a well of despair. I allowed my husband to make the decision and he chose vanity over my precious babies' right to wholeness. I will regret my resignation to this decision for the rest of my life, and there are times when I feel hatred towards my husband for his complete inability to recogise the profound impact that his decision will have on our two otherwise perfect beings. My eldest son returned from theatre and seemed okay, but my youngest returned weeping and very clearly traumatised. During both of these events (done in the first few days of life out of the womb), my husband was at work, leaving me to fully bear the burdon of his decision. It is at unexpected times that I am overwhelmed with guilt, and I see evidence of this decision on their already tortured souls. No mistaking, on the outside they are happy and healthy and beautiful children (currently four and almost two), but I would give anything to take back that moment of agreeing to my husband's decision, and instead give them wholeness. I am striving every day to repair the psychological damage, and it is my hope that when they are old enough, I will be able to openly ask for their forgiveness and act out whatever is required in order for them to restore their trust in me, their primary caregiver, and their whole physical and emotional selves. To my eldest son I have explained simplistically that there are different "kinds" of penises in the world, but I am conscious of boosting rather than breaking down his self-image, so I have been unable to share with him any aspect of the emotional torture I live with every day. They are beautiful, perfect beings, and I am overwhelmed with love and despair as I face this situation alone (my husband feels no guilt and has yet to fully realise the consequences of his actions). Please, please, please do NOT allow your friends and family to inflict the same torture upon their own offspring. It is time to speak out. It has to stop.


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## mare54

Thank you for sharing your inner feelings. I think it is healthier to express these regrets rather than deny them and maybe help someone else avoid such regret. When we know better, we do better...... and acknowledging that you made a big mistake is the first step.


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## agbirch

Hi,

I know the thread says this a thread for those who regret circumcising their sons, but I hope it's ok if I post about my mothers regrets about circumcising me (I won't be offended if you delete it or anything







).

I was born in the early 80s in Australia, and already had a brother, who had been circumcised (I believe this routine at the time, though I was pretty young so my memory may be at fault







). Unfortunately my circumcision had complications, for whatever reasons, and apparently I am lucky to be alive. My entire penis turned black, and required a great deal of care and attention on the part of my mother. I also (though this may be unrelated) had a great deal of trouble with severe urinary tract infections when I was young, which were very painful and made it impossible to urinate. Of course there is a fair amount of obvious physical damage to the penis - you certainly don't have to be a doctor to identify it.

What, to me at least, is most tragic about this is how I can to find out about - my mother never (and still has never) directly spoken to me about the issue, and I only found out when my Mother asked my wife if my penis was functional. For over 20 years she had lived with the possibility that a choice she had made might have left me with a non-functional penis - it breaks my heart just to think about it! My poor mum! She told my wife that she would never have a child circumcised after what had happened to me, and I agree with her stance. I don't blame my mother (or father) at all for what happened - I think to a large extent they are as much victims as anyone - I can only imagine how my mum felt when she had to look after little me, her child, because of what had happened, the guilt she must have (and I think still does) feel! I certainly don't feel that I should (if I ever have any children that is) pass on this tradition, or feel threatened or need to justify what was done to me by continuing the cycle, and fortunately my wife strongly agrees (well, she is always right!







).

I do think, and I hope I don't offend, that cutting your child's genitals for what is essentially cosmetic reasons is a wrong decision, and I hope that more and more people come to realise this.

Hope that its ok that I post this here!


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## mare54

Thank you so much for posting your story! It is always great to hear from men who were circumcised as a infant and are able to acknowledge the damage done to them, no matter how painful. We need to hear from more men, since so many of them refuse to talk about it and even refuse to acknowledge what was done to them without their consent. I understand the feelings of your Mom.... I, too, was a victim of lies and an overbearing spouse who demanded his son be cut. I feel regret for not protecting my precious son every day, and that was 32 years ago! The fact that you are not angry with your parents is huge, many men are very angry. What I don't understand is, with all the available information on circumcision today, why parents are still putting their babies through such an unnecessary trauma. It is ONLY cosmetic surgery on an infant, since the touted health benefits have not been proven, but people still use such ridiculous excuses to alter their baby boys genitals. Good for your Mom for not forgetting what she and you went through, and Good for you and your wife for making a commitment to leave your children intact as nature intended. Thanks again.


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## sahmof2girls

I just saw this thread. I posted a week or so ago about my issue. My soon to be 4 y/o ds was circumcised. I regretted it immediatley, I Have now been reading through the forums (old and new), so that I can be better informed. I wish that I didn't, but I did, and now I just have to be informed so I can Maybe help friends in their choice as they have sons. I honestly don't know why I didn't inform myself earlier. But anywho, thanks for all who shared.


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## mare54

When we know better...... We do better........ Many of us are just like you and maybe we can save another boy from being cut by our commitment to inform others. Private message me if you want to talk further.


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## RDInman

Dear Fruitloop-

You do have legal recourse because the current standard is informed consent which you did not have. There are attorney's who pursue these cases and the more that are pursued the closer we get to stopping the practice. If you go to IntactAmerica online the director Georganne posts links to articles and videos. It is one of those videos currently posted where you can find the attorneys who take these cases. Note-I think informed consent is crap and no one but the child has the right to make the decision but it is the current standard so you have recourse under that. So glad you have learned the reality of this barbaric practice. You will now have the information to educate and help save baby boys. I have saved a few in my life thanks to my mom who started saving boys in our family starting in the 70's to present. We can make a difference.


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## Love

Ive read through about ten pages of this thread and i am so thankful it is here. I am due april 17th 2012 with our first child, a boy. I have spent endless hours researching absolutely everything ensuring that we have bonding time and that unnecessary things not be done to him. During all of this i was still being convinced by family friends and husband that circing is ok. In fact my husband is adamant about having it done. With all of the evidence that i have read i was still considering it because husband isndetermined. That is until i read this. Why in the world would i allow others to make me feel badly and wrong when i have sound evidence on my side and because i want to protect my son. Well the answer is that i absolutely will not... He can always have it removed later in life but i will not be allowing this to happen... Over my dead body. I love my son even though he isnt born yet and i cannot imagine willfully hurting him for something that is not going to benefit him in the slightest.

I am not going to be one of the mothers or athers here who have regret. I shouldnt have to feel that way and my son should never have to ask me why i willfully allowed him to be mutilated.

So what i am really trying to say here is thank you for the support and thank you for sharing your regrets. It is something i would have been facing if it werent for all of you.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## mama24-7

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Love*
> 
> Ive read through about ten pages of this thread and i am so thankful it is here. I am due april 17th 2012 with our first child, a boy. I have spent endless hours researching absolutely everything ensuring that we have bonding time and that unnecessary things not be done to him. During all of this i was still being convinced by family friends and husband that circing is ok. In fact my husband is adamant about having it done. With all of the evidence that i have read i was still considering it because husband isndetermined. That is until i read this. Why in the world would i allow others to make me feel badly and wrong when i have sound evidence on my side and because i want to protect my son. Well the answer is that i absolutely will not... He can always have it removed later in life but i will not be allowing this to happen... Over my dead body. I love my son even though he isnt born yet and i cannot imagine willfully hurting him for something that is not going to benefit him in the slightest.
> I am not going to be one of the mothers or athers here who have regret. I shouldnt have to feel that way and my son should never have to ask me why i willfully allowed him to be mutilated.
> So what i am really trying to say here is thank you for the support and thank you for sharing your regrets. It is something i would have been facing if it werent for all of you.
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


This is the reason why your husband (whom I'm figuring it circ'd) and any males who are trying to convince you (who are all likely circ'd too) that it is the right thing to do. It is for you, only: http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html And, the women in your life who are trying to convince you to do so because they were convinced & it's easier to try to convince you than for them to admit they made a mistake.

Your boy is lucky to have you.

Best wishes,

Sus


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## mare54

I am so overjoyed that a mom has a run across this thread.....and actually read it! It is important to tell the truth and unfortunately most doctors and hospitals are not doing enough of that. Pressure from a spouse and family can be powerful.....but when you have truth and knowledge on your side, you can make the right decision for your son. If you are on baby center at all, there are two boards with wonderful moms (and some dads too) on it. You might want to check it out. The boards are "choosing not to circumcise" and "Questioning circumcision and caring for intact boys". I hope it's okay to refer you to another site because all resources are important. There are quite a few internet sites that are terrific too: DrMomma.org; TheWhole Network; Peaceful Parenting; IntactAmerica, etc. Congratulations on your new baby boy! Please know that you always have my support and if you want to discuss this any more, feel free to PM me.


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## ashleyteller

Circumcising my oldest son is the biggest regret of my life. I didn't think anything of it. My husband was circumcised, every male I ever knew or he ever knew was circumcised. There was no questions. I didn't research it or learn anything about it. I remember someone in my pregnancy suggesting that I watch a video of a circumcision so that I knew what would happen. I ignored them. I was very lucky that my son healed properly and we had no complications. It wasn't until we were pregnant with our second child that my new provider told me it's technically a cosmetic procedure because there's no medical reason to do it. I decided to go home and do my research this time. I finally saw the video and I bawled. I couldn't believe I put my son through that. The doctors and nurses told me that my baby boy would feel no pain. I watched a few more videos. All the same. I've never seen one where the baby seems comfortable and painless. So if there's no reason medically, why do we do this? I started to do more research. I learned about the function and importance of the foreskin and the damage that's caused by removing it. I learned about the risks and complications from circumcision, including death. There was no question now, we left our second son intact. I live with extreme guilt over what I put my firstborn through. And because of my regret, I am highly motivated to speak out to other parents about the truths of circumcision that my doctor didn't tell me.


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## ejmom777

I regret it. very much so. I was so young & learning to be natural with everything was very new to me. I'd only read about 1 article before labor hit the next day. had JUST started getting into researching it. I was lucky enough to talk my sons father into me staying home & breastfeeding, not vaxing etc I couldn't win the battle w/ circumcision.. i didn't have enough ammo/proof against it (its like common sense to me now) & I didn't have enough strength after 12hrs of intensive non stop labor pain to stop them. It haunts me at times. I've prayed for healing of any trauma that he went through. I could type more but I'm in a rush.


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## kalohabreeze

What happens when you and your husband can't agree. Like literally there is no way to convince him otherwise? Do you take the matter to court? Risk an otherwise awesome marriage and kindly ask him to step off?

Has anyone had to battle in court over it? who won?

Even if it's an elective procedure could it be construed as denying Medical care?


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## fluffington

This is such a powerful emotional thread. I have three boys and I was lucky enough to have a concerned friend talk to me about circumcision while I was pregnant with my first. It took months of brutal arguing with my husband but in the end he reluctantly agreed that it wasn't worth fighting anymore and agreed not to circumcise to make me happy. Reading these stories is hard for me. I am so grateful that someone cared enough to intervene for my boys and I. I feel for every single one of you and it really does give me a little more courage to spread the word and not worry so much about "getting in someones business" when I know someone who is pregnant and undecided.


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## mare54

If you have an otherwise awesome marriage.....standing your ground on protecting your son should not be a relationship wrecker. Many men don't even understand why they feel the need to cut their son. Societal conditioning can be powerful so that is why moms must be vigilant in thei stand to keep their baby whole. Keep working on him and educating him, but at the end of the day only you can protect your baby. There are rarely ever medical indications to cut a baby and no medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision. Good luck.


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## ashleyteller

Wanted to put out there that if there are any parents out there looking for a place to share more,we have a Facebook group for parents regretting circumcision. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/groups/175347165878088/


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## imgr8ful

kalohabreeze - PLEASE just say NO and do not sign the consent form. tell your partner you will NOT allow cosmetic surgery on your son's genitals. tell your care provider that you do not want this done. your partner will get over it.

you do not want to feel the regret that i and so many other mothers feel for allowing this to happen to our sons. just say NO.


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## jakalak

Realizing this post was started 8 years ago and continues to go strong, I think this is a very important issue. I am due in June and recently brought the question up to my husband. I really didn't care either way, not having done any research, but I felt it should be his decision because it's a boy. He is, but he said he didn't think he wanted to circ our son, and I told him whichever way, it would be his decision. A few days later, he emailed me a few links, one being this thread, and few articles. His message was "I don't want to do it even more now, what do you think?" So I took some time and read through the articles, and about 10 pages of this post before deciding/agreeing that we will not circ our son. If he wants it done as an adult, it will be his choice.

I just wanted to thank everyone here for having the courage to speak on the subject and share their experiences so that others can make educated decisions. I also wanted to thank you all for the extra reading material posted, as I always like unbiased opinions before making any decision.


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## formunkyfrommommy

I have never regretted anything more in my life!....I told my husband that since he was a guy and knew better (head shake) that if we had a son it would be up to him. Our first born is a son, a beautiful, perfect son, who was circumcised and lost a part of his body for the sake of vanity and personal preference of a father....it was horrible, he bled a lot because he was 2 months old (our doc said we should wait until then for some reason and we didn't question it  ) so he bled a lot and was in a lot of pain .....everytime I look at him while changing I think "if God makes everything perfect, why did we feel the need to change you"....again THERE IS NOTHING I REGRET MORE IN MY LIFE THAN CHANGING MY PERFECT SON AND CAUSING HIM UNNECESSARY PAIN FOR MY HUSBANDS PREFERENCE WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SON AND HIS BODY PARTS

HIS BODY, HIS CHOICE


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## Babyluv143

Our circumcision story

I don't know how to start this. My heart hurts every day for the mistake I made & can never take back. I cry every day & hope that my son can forgive me for the uneducated decision that I had no right to make on his behalf.

January 2011, my son was born perfect. My labor was unmedicated & fairly quick. I was proud of myself & my lil babe for doing so well. He was 8lb 3 oz of gorgeous chubby baby! He nursed right away & was very happy. My jewish husband always assumed that our son would be circumcised. I never questioned it. I didn't know I should. I didn't think there were risks. I was so ignorant. I hardly even thought about the procedure until that day.

I have 4 younger brothers. 2 are circumcised & 2 are not. My mother never really explained too much about it, she just said that my grandfather wanted his grandsons circumcised & when she had the younger 2 boys she didn't want it done. The only experience I'd ever heard about the care of any of my brothers penis', was my youngest. I can remember at least 5 times in his childhood when he'd had an infection. He would cry & say his penis hurt. It was red & inflamed. And my mother told me it was because the opening of his foreskin wasn't big enough when it was separating from the glands? I never thought too much about it at the time, but 8 years later, when I found out I was having a son, I remembered my brother's hard times & I sure didn't want that for my son.

So when the doctor came in to talk to us about our sons circumcision, all I could think about was how this was the safest best option for him in the long run. I asked the doctor how many he had performed before & begged him to be careful because my baby only gets one penis & there was no going back. He joked that this was his first & then reassured me that he had performed hundreds before & he would do just fine. He even almost tried to tell me it was an unnecessary procedure, but he sure didn't warn us of any risks or any dangers. We had asked permission for my husband to be present to say the Jewish prayer while they performed the circumcision. There was no way I could've been in that room, I said. Now I wish I was, because I'm sure I would've stopped it! I can not imagine seeing my perfect baby strapped to a table... My husband was in the room (while they physically & permanently mutilated our son). When my son came back to the room, he wouldn't nurse. I asked if this was normal & they assured me it was. They assured me he didn't cry & everything went perfect. They used something called a plastibell & told me it was safer. A plastibell circumcision leaves part of the plastic ring on the head of the penis for healing. It falls off on it's own around the same time as the umbilical cord. I asked about how to care for it & they told me not to put anything on it! I was surprised because I did remember a friend having a son not that long before & she said something about lots of vaseline. But I asked again & they said the plastibell required no extra care & not to put anything on it, it would heal on its own. Not to wipe it with a wipe, but drip a little warm water on it from squeezing a wet paper towel. That's it. No further instructions, no warnings, nothing to look out for, not how to care for it after the plastibell fell off. Sent us home...

So the first week was "fine". But when the plastibell ring started to fall off unevenly I got nervous. I called everyone I knew that had a son & asked if they were circumcised with a plastibell & if this was normal. A friend of mine stopped by who had 2 sons who had this type of circumcision & said it looked "normal". At our 2 week check up the Dr said it was ok & not to worry. Still said we shouldn't be putting anything on it. So when the ring came all the way off I was relieved. Everything seemed to be alright? But I've never taken care of a circumcised penis before! I noticed there was still enough foreskin to cover the head of his penis. Once a day I would pull it back just a little to wipe it clean. I never pulled it back too much because I didn't want to hurt him. Everything seemed fine.

At about 3 1/2 months I noticed a small part of the remaining foreskin was reattaching to the head of my sons penis. When I asked the Dr about it at his 4 month visit, she said not to pull it apart because it would cause scarring & cause him pain in the future. So I was sure not to pull it apart! Well then I started to notice it attaching more. Every time I talked to my mother about my concerns, she would tell me I was "obsessed with his penis" And she was sure it was fine. This of course made me feel worse. Was I "obsessed"? I don't know. How could I not notice it? I changed him 10 times a day!

We saw a different Dr at our next visit & he told us to separate it, but I was concerned about scarring like the other Dr had warned us about. So I did not. I started to do some research online. From what I've read, it seems like he has penile adhesions. Some sources say to separate it at home & some say he'll need surgery.

At about 8 months I took him to a ND because I wanted to try out a more natural health care provider. Even though it was going to cost me $200 out of pocket for our 1st visit, I was excited to talk to someone more on my page. When I called to make the appt & spoke to the ND on the phone, she assured me that she could address every question I had, including his circumcision. Well I was extremely disappointed with our visit. Not only were we rushed & hardly had enough time to remember all my questions, but when she looked at his circumcision, she said "I think it looks ok, but I'm not a penis expert" Really? Ugh, we never went back.

A few months later I made an appt with our Dr for a referral to a urologist. I wanted to talk to someone who looked at penises all day. I needed an answer! Our Dr wouldn't give us a referral. She said if he wasn't in pain, not to worry about it. She said to give him a warm bath & then gently separate it & then apply vaseline. At this time he was 10 months old. He would not sit any kind of still for me to try to separate it. I still try on a daily basis. It is only an uncomfortable situation. I am terrified of making it worse, but don't trust the Dr's to help us. I am terrified that he will need another surgery to correct this!

He is now 1. I am going to make another appt with our Dr to try to get a referral to an urologist again. I don't know if I will trust what they say if we do get the chance to go.

He is my perfect angel & I am so mad at myself for putting him through this. I feel like a failure of a mother! How could I not protect him. How could I just let them do a surgery on my one day old PERFECT baby without doing any research???? I am so angry at myself, I can't stand it. I make myself sick to my stomach wishing I could go back to that day & change things.

Has anyone had their son go through this? What was the outcome? I feel so lost & don't know who to trust.

I have permanently mutilated my perfect baby boy. I regret it with my whole heart & soul.


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## mare54

This thread has been given to many parents who find themselves expecting a baby boy. If parents read these personal regrets and explore the links of information and facts, they couldn't help but make the right decision for their little boy.


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## voicelessone

delete


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## buegera

I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I am in the same boat. I did the same thing to my son. I wasn't planning to but at the last minute did. The hospital birth threw me all off. I can't find a way to forgive myself. I remember looking at his penis before it was done and thinking how perfect it was now I look at it and feel it is scarred. I wish I planned ahead and really knew more about circumcision. It is the greatest regret of my life.


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## BloomingAnemone

While I was pregnant, I received lots of information from my midwife regarding the case against circumcision. I read through it all and was on the fence with things because I had grown up with the thought that it was the right thing to do. In the weeks leading up to the birth, I spoke with my mother about the issue and she encouraged me to circumcise. She seemed very confident about her opinion in believing it was the best thing to do for my son, for "health and cleanliness". I had so much going on in my life at that time... the relationship between my son's father and myself was not healthy, I was living 3000 miles away from my family - I was not able to give the issue my full thought, and as another poster said, they want you to decide NOW. Immediately. I remember thinking about it, looking around the room at everyone - my midwife, the nurse, my son's father... I remembered my mom's opinion. I was so overwhelmed, so I just went with what I had always been taught. When they brought him in to me after the procedure, the nurse removed the bandage to check the circumcision and show me, and when I saw what had been done to my precious baby, I cried. No one knew why I was crying and I couldn't say it. I couldn't say I had made a horrible choice, because what good would it do? Once it's done, it cannot be undone. I regretted circumcising my son from the moment it was done, and to this day, 2.5 years later, I am still heart broken over the issue. If I think about it too much, I will cry. 2.5 years later. It's something I will have to work through within myself - the guilt - but I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. My son is not all here with me. Part of my beautiful child who came into this world perfect the way God created him, is gone forever. He is not whole, because of what Man has told us is better. If I have another son, I will not circumcise him, but my heart will still always be broken knowing my first son has been robbed - that his brother is whole and he is not.


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## hakunangovi

Hugs to you. You were a victim of false information from your Mom and others. The medical community is hugely complicit in this whole sordid and barbaric custom. They have been propogating false information for well over a century in this regard, and it is really only in the last decade or so, since the advent of the internet, that people have had the ability to actualy research for themselves and question what the doctors have been telling them. Your Mom's generation never questioned a doctor because they had no information to counter with. It was a trust that the medical community sometimes violated for their own benefit. Like they say - follow the money!

You may find it therapeutic to hang out on boards such as this, and participate where you can in bringing this awful practice to a belated end.


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## chrisa

This is a graphic video showing the procedure in a doctor's office. I was convinced before that any son of mine would be intact, and am even more convinced now. It was heartbreaking to watch and hear the little boy scream in agony.


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## illiterati

So I've avoided this thread like the plague. But since I've layed awake thinking about this almost every night of my baby's twelve month life, I'm coming by here to post, despite being very scared, very ashamed, and still trying pretty darn hard to stay in denial. The irony is that while I was pregnant I was pretty outspoken about how IT was not medically necessary. I think I even managed to convince a few couples. But we're Jewish so we have to have a bris. The day of my dad who is a longtime intactivist tried some last minute convincing. But all the out of town guests were already here. Sorry sweet baby for not protecting you, the bagels were already bought and we couldn't let all that food go to waste.







I leaned over you while ironically trying to soothe you, almost leaning so close the rabbi couldn't get to you. Maybe my mothering instincts belatedly kicking in. But in a matter of seconds it was done. I was in shock.

Part of me wishes I'd have done like most Jewish mamas and go wait in another room. Because the details replay in my head just about every night. Well, this is the first time I've ever been able to actually shed tears. I usually have long conversations with myself alternately blaming others (why did my dad wait until right before- he had 9 months! He probably didnt think i would even do it. I know he'll always think less of me know. ) Or trying to comfort myself by trying to convince myself that there wont be lasting trauma, that maybe the guilt has made me a more responsive attached mama.

Alright, I have to stop thinking about this now. It's 2 am and I'm going to snuggle with my precious boy laying beside me.


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## helloall

I know it's a bit after the fact, and you probably already know this being jewish......http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brit_shalom_(naming_ceremony)


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## tropicana

Peace, Momma, peace.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *illiterati*
> 
> So I've avoided this thread like the plague. But since I've layed awake thinking about this almost every night of my baby's twelve month life, I'm coming by here to post, despite being very scared, very ashamed, and still trying pretty darn hard to stay in denial. The irony is that while I was pregnant I was pretty outspoken about how IT was not medically necessary. I think I even managed to convince a few couples. But we're Jewish so we have to have a bris. The day of my dad who is a longtime intactivist tried some last minute convincing. But all the out of town guests were already here. Sorry sweet baby for not protecting you, the bagels were already bought and we couldn't let all that food go to waste.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I leaned over you while ironically trying to soothe you, almost leaning so close the rabbi couldn't get to you. Maybe my mothering instincts belatedly kicking in. But in a matter of seconds it was done. I was in shock.
> 
> Part of me wishes I'd have done like most Jewish mamas and go wait in another room. Because the details replay in my head just about every night. Well, this is the first time I've ever been able to actually shed tears. I usually have long conversations with myself alternately blaming others (why did my dad wait until right before- he had 9 months! He probably didnt think i would even do it. I know he'll always think less of me know. ) Or trying to comfort myself by trying to convince myself that there wont be lasting trauma, that maybe the guilt has made me a more responsive attached mama.
> 
> Alright, I have to stop thinking about this now. It's 2 am and I'm going to snuggle with my precious boy laying beside me.


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## Zeg25

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *Babyluv143*
> 
> At about 3 1/2 months I noticed a small part of the remaining foreskin was reattaching to the head of my sons penis. When I asked the Dr about it at his 4 month visit, she said not to pull it apart because it would cause scarring & cause him pain in the future. So I was sure not to pull it apart! Well then I started to notice it attaching more. Every time I talked to my mother about my concerns, she would tell me I was "obsessed with his penis" And she was sure it was fine. This of course made me feel worse. Was I "obsessed"? I don't know. How could I not notice it? I changed him 10 times a day!
> 
> We saw a different Dr at our next visit & he told us to separate it, but I was concerned about scarring like the other Dr had warned us about. So I did not. I started to do some research online. From what I've read, it seems like he has penile adhesions. Some sources say to separate it at home & some say he'll need surgery.
> 
> At about 8 months I took him to a ND because I wanted to try out a more natural health care provider. Even though it was going to cost me $200 out of pocket for our 1st visit, I was excited to talk to someone more on my page. When I called to make the appt & spoke to the ND on the phone, she assured me that she could address every question I had, including his circumcision. Well I was extremely disappointed with our visit. Not only were we rushed & hardly had enough time to remember all my questions, but when she looked at his circumcision, she said "I think it looks ok, but I'm not a penis expert" Really? Ugh, we never went back.
> 
> A few months later I made an appt with our Dr for a referral to a urologist. I wanted to talk to someone who looked at penises all day. I needed an answer! Our Dr wouldn't give us a referral. She said if he wasn't in pain, not to worry about it. She said to give him a warm bath & then gently separate it & then apply vaseline. At this time he was 10 months old. He would not sit any kind of still for me to try to separate it. I still try on a daily basis. It is only an uncomfortable situation. I am terrified of making it worse, but don't trust the Dr's to help us. I am terrified that he will need another surgery to correct this!
> 
> He is now 1. I am going to make another appt with our Dr to try to get a referral to an urologist again. I don't know if I will trust what they say if we do get the chance to go.
> 
> He is my perfect angel & I am so mad at myself for putting him through this. I feel like a failure of a mother! How could I not protect him. How could I just let them do a surgery on my one day old PERFECT baby without doing any research???? I am so angry at myself, I can't stand it. I make myself sick to my stomach wishing I could go back to that day & change things.
> 
> Has anyone had their son go through this? What was the outcome? I feel so lost & don't know who to trust.
> 
> I have permanently mutilated my perfect baby boy. I regret it with my whole heart & soul.


I can't in good conscience not say anything about this.

I think it is just natural adhesions. When a baby boy is born, his foreskin is attached to the head of his penis. Needless to say, a circumcision breaks that. I think the adhesions you are talking about is your son's leftover foreskin trying to reattach to his glans. There seem to be different opinions on what to do about this but based on what I have read, the reason you would worry about the adhesions is because the ends of the leftover foreskin attaching to the glans instead of itself. I do not think this is the case though, since really that would have to happen days after the circumcision. These adhesions should disappear on their own when he gets older

What worries me is that if you keep going on your journey, eventually some idiot is going to tell you that you will have to circumcise him again, and I would hate to hear that this happened. Your son is so lucky. Sure he was cut but he got to keep a good bit of his foreskin. That means he will still have a lot more of nerve endings and function of in his leftover foreskin the a lot of circumcised men.

You are lucky to have found the doctors you have to suggest that you leave it alone and not cut again. Most doctors I hear about would likely say he would have to be cut again. Please don't put your son through more pain then he has already been through. He has been through enough.

As for the rest of the thread, I cannot think of a better thing to show future parents that circumcision is wrong. Personally, I am a man who was cut when I was an infant and I have spent my whole life being driven crazy by the fact that I was cut. I have always known in my heart something evil was done to me and the more I tried to justify it to myself, the crazier I got. Communities like this have really made me know the culture is wrong, not having foreskin. It has finally put me in a place where I can just don't worry about all that I have lost all the time. Keep telling your stories ladies, I know it is making a difference.


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## griffyn

It was the hardest decision Ive had to make on behalf of the baby. Actually I dont really regret having it done, but I thought some of the information here is a little bit bashing of doctors. Out of the 4 doctors I talked to about the issue, NONE of them including the dr who did it was the slightest bit "encouraging" me to have it done. They were at best neutral, and actually mostly completely honest about the procedure. Even the men I rely on for boy stuff info were supportive of not doing it. Like most of you, I did feel like the most horrible mother ever during the procedure and sobbed. My baby didnt cry or even seem disturbed. Less than 50% of the babies in my town are circ'ed. I was terrified something would go wrong, and thankfully it did not. I definitely went against the grain, to have it done. And have to say, while I have a tinge of regret, Im OK, my son is OK,(well hes perfect!) and I never want him to feel diminished because of it. Just wanted to give some perspective. Im mostly fine with having done it, but it was hard to go through, regardless. Its a very emotional and difficult thing to have happen. I hope that moms that deeply regret it learn to find some peace with it all... and hope you can avoid transmitting this grief/shock to your sons. Foreskin or no, I want my son to think his penis is a wonderful thing, and to use it responsibly! Not all doctors are foreskin hungry monsters . I made the choice, with some misgivings, and found that noone was trying to push me to do it. Be encouraged that there are lots of men and doctors that are FINE with not doing it out there... and forgive yourselves just a little. Everyday when I evaluate how Im doing as a parent, there are a thousand things I could have done better, maybe its the first but certainly not the last parenting fail I will make! Some of the lit seems frankly designed to make a mom feel like crap, and mostly we dont need help with that.


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## helloall

^ He was born perfect. I know this is a friendly community and you can attempt to justify, however the real facts are out there. Sadly, there is just as much horrible info out there on the subject as there is good, if not more so, making it easy for people to fling excuses for chopping up their kids.

inb4 this post is deleted.


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## mama24-7

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *griffyn*
> 
> It was the hardest decision Ive had to make on behalf of the baby. Actually *I dont really regret having it done*, but I thought some of the information here is a little bit bashing of doctors. Out of the 4 doctors I talked to about the issue, NONE of them including the dr who did it was the slightest bit "encouraging" me to have it done. They were at best neutral, and actually mostly completely honest about the procedure. Even the men I rely on for boy stuff info were supportive of not doing it. Like most of you, I did feel like the most horrible mother ever during the procedure and sobbed. My baby didnt cry or even seem disturbed. Less than 50% of the babies in my town are circ'ed. I was terrified something would go wrong, and thankfully it did not. I definitely went against the grain, to have it done. And have to say, *while I have a tinge of regret, Im OK*, my son is OK,(well hes perfect!) and I never want him to feel diminished because of it. Just wanted to give some perspective. Im mostly fine with having done it, but it was hard to go through, regardless. Its a very emotional and difficult thing to have happen. I hope that moms that deeply regret it learn to find some peace with it all... and hope you can avoid transmitting this grief/shock to your sons. Foreskin or no, I want my son to think his penis is a wonderful thing, and to use it responsibly! Not all doctors are foreskin hungry monsters . I made the choice, with some misgivings, and found that noone was trying to push me to do it. Be encouraged that there are lots of men and doctors that are FINE with not doing it out there... and forgive yourselves just a little. Everyday when I evaluate how Im doing as a parent, there are a thousand things I could have done better, maybe its the first but certainly not the last parenting fail I will make! Some of the lit seems frankly designed to make a mom feel like crap, and mostly we dont need help with that.


Welcome to MDC & TCAC.

I've read your post a number of times now, and I'm still not sure why you posted what you did. This is the "regret," thread & the parts I've bolded in your post, you aren't "really," regretful. So, I ask in all sincerity: why did you post?

And, at the risk of putting you on the defensive, I'm going to make a comment. You say your son is, "OK." That may be true for now, while he's little. But one of the unfortunate things w/ prepuce amputation is that the person doing the amputation can not determine accurately how much skin to take w/o taking more than the eventual man will need to have a comfortable erection. It's not possible to determine this in a still developing penis. Did you know that the penis isn't fully developed when a boy is born? Much like girls aren't fully developed when they're born. He may appear "Ok," but he doesn't do much w/ his penis yet. There's no way to know now what issues he may face down the road.







Again, this is another problem w/ prepuce amputation: the person/s making the decision to have it done is not the one who has to live w/ the consequences of the decision.









Best wishes,

Sus


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## philomom

I reported griffyn's post. I don't think it has any business on here!


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## homeschoolingmama

There is also a few posts up of a graphic video of a baby screaming. I don't think it is an appropriate place to put it. The mothers are sharing their regrets. It would be horrible to be opening up and sharing their regrets and coming across a post about a screaming baby. I think it would be better suited not in this one post but as a separate post.


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## sad for babys

If your sons were circumcised and you were not warned of the dangers and loss, you are a victim as well. If everybody backed off when we were babys and let us have part of our anatomy that fascilitates sex, to create new life cut off out of sheer ignorance and greed, we likely would not even have the infants whose human rights we now discuss.

Americans obviously don't communicate, and routine infant circumcision was allowed to become widespread in the us. Newborns are the future of this country not to blame for aids spread. they are born clean, perfect intact and a foreskin is natural born protection that as well as a working part of their genitalia and not a birth defect or expendible flap of skin. It is a protective covering that we should not even have to consider defending.. It is an unimaginable nightmare that we question whether or not we should traumatize an infant for public health, rare issue prevention, or any reason. His healthy life should, without further question take precedence over all other issues. Common sense and reality should kick in immediately if we prioritize correctly. No, cutting of my sons protective covering that makes his penis work properly sexually to protect society from aids is not logical no matter how it is worded! It is preposterous some of the crap I hear as to why they want to strap a baby in a restraint and cut his penis covering off. It just dumbfounds me and insults my intelligence that they would say "oh, it prevents the very rare penile cancer and infections that girls get much more frequently than boys. Traumatically sacrificing the life and health of infants for any reason is not logical and not healthcare. I don't know how to word it other than, ITS A NIGHTMARE AND CLEAR VIOLATION OF THE MOST BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. I read somewhere that 10 out of 10 infants would oppose circumcision, but, the sad truth is, not one got the opportunity to OPPOSE anything. It happened to them at their most vulnerable days of life. Mothers and fathers having to know about it and accept that this was done to their infant under the assumption it is for the babys good is mental abuse towards all concerned and heartbreaking to anyone with human compassion and feeling for newborns. And I consider compassion and feeling a very important aspect in any healthcare provider. A newborn should be greeted with warm loving touch and light voices and protected, not strapped to a restraint and injured. How can that even be tolerated for one second? Am I just sensitive or has compassion been breeded out of humans and taken over by the almighty dollar?

You, mommy are as much, if not more a victim than your precious son. But you are a hero if you stop this unfortunate abuse time can't heal from happening to another baby.

Starting one baby at a time is the only way. Every baby saved from this protects the fabric of society and the healty normal future of both males and females. Nothing is more beautiful than a perfect newborn, or sadder than a child with his manhood cut out of ignorance and stupidity on the part of people supposed to be looking out for our interests. Trust is taking on new meanings with what is happening here and cirumcised males are the largest victims, but mothers are as well because they did not know better and we did not have the means to get to them with information, and most of us did not even know it was happening. I always thought a circumcised male was deformed. I was freaked out when I learned their foreskin was actually surgically removed . Body parts just need washed with soap and water, not cut off.


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## Mommie020307

My first 2 boys are circ'd and i am expecting again, i do believe this one will be another boy. Gut feeling is telling me so...and if so i will NOT circ him.

I did what i thought was right for my 2 boys because i was going by what my mom was telling me...how its much cleaner if you get it done...and he won't have any infections....and blah blah blah...

I regret having it done to them. my 9yr old has burried penis syndrome...and i know he will be teased when he get's to be much older...where at my 4yr old son when they did his circ they didn't take a lot off, so he's still got quite a bit of foreskin left around his head...and it doesn't get burried in the fat pad...

had i known how the procedure was done i wouldn't of gone through with it...I got my information about circ too LATE....


----------



## dreamyowl

i regret circ'ing my son :,(


----------



## Hawkwind

Six years and two foreskins after my husband convinced me to take my oldest son BACK to the doctor to be circumcised (I refused it initially), my husband admitted today that we did the wrong thing. He apologized to me for steering me away from a decision I'd made based on much research and strong gut instincts. Why we argued about it for years when we couldn't have had a real debate ahead of time, I don't know. I was sort of afraid to hear him concede, but it was actually a relief.

Now, I know that if my sons resent us for making such an unnecessary decision for them, they will, at least, be faced with two very apologetic remorseful parents who will honor their feelings, rather than one sorry mom and a dad who maintains that he was in the right.

That won't change anything physically, but it might be less alienating.

I love my kids so much. I only wanted to do right by them. I was so afraid that not circumcising them was imposing my values on them, that I went against my own code of ethics. It's true that I knew nothing about being a mother, yet, but I knew about being a human being and this procedure violated my code of conduct as a human.

I resent my husband for not supporting me when I first got our oldest home from the hospital intact. I had stood up to my doctor under some crazy circumstances. I was exhausted, foggy, and taken by surprise. She walked in and asked for my son so she could circumcise him, and I obediantly handed him over, then instinctively grabbed him back. I got home and felt like we had gotten away with something, but I began to doubt myself. I began to think that I was condemning my child to something horrible, that my aversion to circing was just cowardice.

It wasn't cowardice. It was a strong maternal instinct and a healthy fear of frivolous surgery.

My kids are OK. as far as I can tell, but I am beyond heartbroken.

I see this is a zombie thread and, ironically, one that might have prevented me from my mistakes as it's from before we even conceived our oldest.

Misty, I hope your friend is having some peace. I hope her husband either presented her with a compelling argument to do the circ., or that he apologized and admitted he was wrong as mine did. This kind of guilt is tremendous and hard to shoulder alone.


----------



## jessjgh1

I seem to remember there was an update on the original post... maybe someone else can bring it up?

I benefited from this thread and it is one that has been referenced by many and continues to be added to month by month over the years. I know the heart-breaking accounts gave me the strength to stand up for my son- and my self. I consider this thread to be one of the most honest resources for parents there is on this issue.

Jessica


----------



## jeanie

I can't believe after 4,000+ posts there are still so many of us out here. I am the mother of an only son, three daughters. Sorry to say the very uneducated decision to circ our son could easily have been avoided with a little thought and persistence (my young gut was telling me "no"). It was long ago and many apologies later to my son that I have at least stopped feeling as badly as I did. I still regret that it is possible now, as he is a 40 year old, that we cause him more troubles in his later sex life. I hate that aspect of the discussion and circ. the most.

As a midwife I have saved many baby boys from circ, which soothes my soul a bit, but doesn't change my son. My grandson is wonderfully untouched, that too soothes my soul, but again does not help my son.

So regret over such a non decision that was made, gets easier, but doesn't fade altogether. So sorry, my blue eyed boy.


----------



## jeanie

oh sorry,, 600+ posts..might as well be 4,000!


----------



## hakunangovi

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *jeanie*
> 
> As a midwife I have saved many baby boys from circ, which soothes my soul a bit, but doesn't change my son. My grandson is wonderfully untouched, that too soothes my soul, but again does not help my son.
> 
> So regret over such a non decision that was made, gets easier, but doesn't fade altogether. So sorry, my blue eyed boy.


Jeanie, your post so vividly portrays a gentle and compassionate personality. I just want to hug people like you. Those that go through life denying that that there is any harm from circumcision are the ones that I shake my head in despair over. How can they have so little logic in their heads that they do not see the risk of physical and psychological damage? And I live with one them!


----------



## C is for Cookie

I've had this hanging over my head for about 15 months now... I really regret circumcising my son.









I found out 3 months too late what i have really done. It sucks feeling this way. I hope DS will forgive me when he gets older about my decision.

But...my future sons will definitely not go through this useless procedure. I am not sure if DBF will be okay with that. I described to him what a circumcision was all about and what is really doesn't do and showed him some of the websites...and he just said "Oh..." but I saw the sorrow in his eyes.


----------



## brookiewookie86

I regret with every oz of my being circing my oldest son


----------



## Emily79

I totally regret having my son circumcised. I was wrong in so many ways and I am still having a hard time moving forward. I hope that he will be okay as he can be, considering.

I wrote an email to my husband one night when we started talking about the circumcision and I became really upset. I try not to think about it, but surprisingly, it seems like it gets brought up a lot. Every time it is brought up, I can't help but think about my son, strapped to the table, screaming. It runs over and over in my head how I should have snatched him up and screamed "NO!". But I let it happen. I know I failed him. So instead of rewriting the whole story, I will just copy most of the email I originally sent to my husband. I think it might be helpful for others to see my thought process too. Also- Someday I will tell my son that I am sorry. My husband doesn't want me to bring it up to him because he doesn't want our son to think something is wrong with him. But someday I will say I am sorry.

Husband-

I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it, not that you need to understand. I know you are tired of me being emotional and I don't expect you to be involved in my resolution process. I guess when you asked me what I was thinking tonight, I didn't want to tell you because I know I need to move past this. I think I told you because I hoped you could help me with it? I don't know. Whether or not you help me, or are interested in my mental issues about all this, I at least hope that writing it all down will bring me some peace.

I feel upset like someone broke up with me. Like someone died. Like I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. Heartbroken like my chest is caving in. I just think about the day he was circumcised and my throat closes up, my eyes fill with tears, and it feels like my chest is being crushed. And I know this is weird. Who else freaks out like this over their son's circumcision?

1) *I feel like I failed a major test as a mom*. I knew when I saw him being strapped down that it was wrong. I think about that day and I wish I could go back and snatch him up and scream that I don't consent. I imagine it. It's what I should have done. It's what every cell in my body told me to do, but I just walked away and cried. I didn't listen to my heart screaming at me to stop the process. To protect my perfect baby. I let it happen. I failed him.

2) *I am disappointed in myself.* I am an intelligent person. I read book after book about childbirth. I read natural parenting blogs, books, and articles. Why didn't I think more about this? Why didn't I make it more of a priority to research the pro's and con's? Why did I slack off on such an important decision? Why did I defer to you? I was informed enough to know that I should have researched more, but I didn't. If I had researched more, I wouldn't have let it happen.

3) *God made our son perfect.* Why did I PERMANENTLY physically change him? Why would I think it was okay when God/Mother Nature makes every single male mammal this way? It's not there for us to remove. It served a purpose. I read recently that the sexual experience of a circumcised male is like an orchestra with parts missing. It's not the full experience. I know that he will never know that- I guess. I hope. But it's an experience that I let be taken away from him. And that's not okay.

4) *I allowed a permanent alteration to our son's body that can NEVER be changed.* I didn't have the right to do that. I allowed for his most private parts to be permanently altered without his consent. With all my talk about birthing rights and physical autonomy, I should have given him the same considerations. It was an unnecessary permanent procedure that has a relatively high rate of complications. How arrogant. How wrong.

5) *I can't get over that I can't change this*. I just want to go back and do the right thing! This is making me tear up again. I feel it in my chest. In my head I just feel like screaming- "Please! Let me do this over again! I will do it right!" OMG. I know this is crazy. This is the part that beats me up. I can't fix it. There are no "do-overs". I f'd up. I changed him forever and I hope that he is never bothered by this. I hope that he never has another day of pain from it. I hope that he has a fulfilling sex life. I hope that he can still get an erection when he is old.

6) *Circumcision information is everywhere I read now*. I have my favorite blogs now and I have done a lot more reading over the last two years. I have found much more circumcision information. And I've read some of it. I can't even read it all because I get too upset. It's so obvious that I've made the wrong decision. And I can't fix it. So I try not to read it, because there is no point. But it's still there, reminding me. Long lists of the ways I failed him.

So yeah. Those are the things I get upset about. I just need to figure out how to let it go. I am just so sorry. I can't even tell him I'm sorry. I can't even check in with him someday and say "Hey- is your sex life as good as you think it should be?", "Do you have any pain in your penis when you have an erection?". OMG. We can just never talk about this. I can only hope that he is okay and he is happy in this area of his life. This personal area of his life I had no business messing with.

So how am I not supposed to cry about this sometimes? I have no way of knowing he is okay. That he will be okay. And even if he is "okay", he was perfect and he will never know what he is missing. It wasn't my place to take that. I am so sorry but I can't even tell him.

I am not mad at you about this. I understand why you wanted him to be circumcised (the same as you) and I understand why this doesn't bother you the way it bothers me. And I promise to never say anything to him about it. He is perfect and I love him so much it hurts.

Okay. Goodnight.

-Emily

PS. I'm trying to let it go, I'm just not doing a very good job of it.


----------



## QueenOfTheMeadow

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Emily79*
> 
> I totally regret having my son circumcised. I was wrong in so many ways and I am still having a hard time moving forward. I hope that he will be okay as he can be, considering.
> 
> I wrote an email to my husband one night when we started talking about the circumcision and I became really upset. I try not to think about it, but surprisingly, it seems like it gets brought up a lot. Every time it is brought up, I can't help but think about my son, strapped to the table, screaming. It runs over and over in my head how I should have snatched him up and screamed "NO!". But I let it happen. I know I failed him. So instead of rewriting the whole story, I will just copy most of the email I originally sent to my husband. I think it might be helpful for others to see my thought process too. Also- Someday I will tell my son that I am sorry. My husband doesn't want me to bring it up to him because he doesn't want our son to think something is wrong with him. But someday I will say I am sorry.
> 
> Husband-
> 
> I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it, not that you need to understand. I know you are tired of me being emotional and I don't expect you to be involved in my resolution process. I guess when you asked me what I was thinking tonight, I didn't want to tell you because I know I need to move past this. I think I told you because I hoped you could help me with it? I don't know. Whether or not you help me, or are interested in my mental issues about all this, I at least hope that writing it all down will bring me some peace.
> 
> I feel upset like someone broke up with me. Like someone died. Like I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. Heartbroken like my chest is caving in. I just think about the day he was circumcised and my throat closes up, my eyes fill with tears, and it feels like my chest is being crushed. And I know this is weird. Who else freaks out like this over their son's circumcision?
> 
> 1) *I feel like I failed a major test as a mom*. I knew when I saw him being strapped down that it was wrong. I think about that day and I wish I could go back and snatch him up and scream that I don't consent. I imagine it. It's what I should have done. It's what every cell in my body told me to do, but I just walked away and cried. I didn't listen to my heart screaming at me to stop the process. To protect my perfect baby. I let it happen. I failed him.
> 
> 2) *I am disappointed in myself.* I am an intelligent person. I read book after book about childbirth. I read natural parenting blogs, books, and articles. Why didn't I think more about this? Why didn't I make it more of a priority to research the pro's and con's? Why did I slack off on such an important decision? Why did I defer to you? I was informed enough to know that I should have researched more, but I didn't. If I had researched more, I wouldn't have let it happen.
> 
> 3) *God made our son perfect.* Why did I PERMANENTLY physically change him? Why would I think it was okay when God/Mother Nature makes every single male mammal this way? It's not there for us to remove. It served a purpose. I read recently that the sexual experience of a circumcised male is like an orchestra with parts missing. It's not the full experience. I know that he will never know that- I guess. I hope. But it's an experience that I let be taken away from him. And that's not okay.
> 
> 4) *I allowed a permanent alteration to our son's body that can NEVER be changed.* I didn't have the right to do that. I allowed for his most private parts to be permanently altered without his consent. With all my talk about birthing rights and physical autonomy, I should have given him the same considerations. It was an unnecessary permanent procedure that has a relatively high rate of complications. How arrogant. How wrong.
> 
> 5) *I can't get over that I can't change this*. I just want to go back and do the right thing! This is making me tear up again. I feel it in my chest. In my head I just feel like screaming- "Please! Let me do this over again! I will do it right!" OMG. I know this is crazy. This is the part that beats me up. I can't fix it. There are no "do-overs". I f'd up. I changed him forever and I hope that he is never bothered by this. I hope that he never has another day of pain from it. I hope that he has a fulfilling sex life. I hope that he can still get an erection when he is old.
> 
> 6) *Circumcision information is everywhere I read now*. I have my favorite blogs now and I have done a lot more reading over the last two years. I have found much more circumcision information. And I've read some of it. I can't even read it all because I get too upset. It's so obvious that I've made the wrong decision. And I can't fix it. So I try not to read it, because there is no point. But it's still there, reminding me. Long lists of the ways I failed him.
> 
> So yeah. Those are the things I get upset about. I just need to figure out how to let it go. I am just so sorry. I can't even tell him I'm sorry. I can't even check in with him someday and say "Hey- is your sex life as good as you think it should be?", "Do you have any pain in your penis when you have an erection?". OMG. We can just never talk about this. I can only hope that he is okay and he is happy in this area of his life. This personal area of his life I had no business messing with.
> 
> So how am I not supposed to cry about this sometimes? I have no way of knowing he is okay. That he will be okay. And even if he is "okay", he was perfect and he will never know what he is missing. It wasn't my place to take that. I am so sorry but I can't even tell him.
> 
> I am not mad at you about this. I understand why you wanted him to be circumcised (the same as you) and I understand why this doesn't bother you the way it bothers me. And I promise to never say anything to him about it. He is perfect and I love him so much it hurts.
> 
> Okay. Goodnight.
> 
> -Emily
> 
> PS. I'm trying to let it go, I'm just not doing a very good job of it.










I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Thank you for sharing, and I truly hope it will make a difference to another little boy. When we know better we do better. Please try to forgive yourself. You've made a mistake that you regret. As a parent, we all make mistakes. Learning from them, apoligizing for them, and not making the same mistake again, are the things you can do now.


----------



## To-Fu

Emily, thank you for sharing. QueenoftheMeadow articulated my thoughts better than I ever could, so I'll leave it at that. You're in my thoughts, mama.


----------



## mama24-7

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Emily79*
> 
> I totally regret having my son circumcised. I was wrong in so many ways and I am still having a hard time moving forward. I hope that he will be okay as he can be, considering.
> 
> I wrote an email to my husband one night when we started talking about the circumcision and I became really upset. I try not to think about it, but surprisingly, it seems like it gets brought up a lot. Every time it is brought up, I can't help but think about my son, strapped to the table, screaming. It runs over and over in my head how I should have snatched him up and screamed "NO!". But I let it happen. I know I failed him. So instead of rewriting the whole story, I will just copy most of the email I originally sent to my husband. I think it might be helpful for others to see my thought process too. Also- Someday I will tell my son that I am sorry. My husband doesn't want me to bring it up to him because he doesn't want our son to think something is wrong with him. But someday I will say I am sorry.
> 
> Husband-
> 
> I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it, not that you need to understand. I know you are tired of me being emotional and I don't expect you to be involved in my resolution process. I guess when you asked me what I was thinking tonight, I didn't want to tell you because I know I need to move past this. I think I told you because I hoped you could help me with it? I don't know. Whether or not you help me, or are interested in my mental issues about all this, I at least hope that writing it all down will bring me some peace.
> 
> I feel upset like someone broke up with me. Like someone died. Like I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. Heartbroken like my chest is caving in. I just think about the day he was circumcised and my throat closes up, my eyes fill with tears, and it feels like my chest is being crushed. And I know this is weird. Who else freaks out like this over their son's circumcision?
> 
> 1) *I feel like I failed a major test as a mom*. I knew when I saw him being strapped down that it was wrong. I think about that day and I wish I could go back and snatch him up and scream that I don't consent. I imagine it. It's what I should have done. It's what every cell in my body told me to do, but I just walked away and cried. I didn't listen to my heart screaming at me to stop the process. To protect my perfect baby. I let it happen. I failed him.
> 
> 2) *I am disappointed in myself.* I am an intelligent person. I read book after book about childbirth. I read natural parenting blogs, books, and articles. Why didn't I think more about this? Why didn't I make it more of a priority to research the pro's and con's? Why did I slack off on such an important decision? Why did I defer to you? I was informed enough to know that I should have researched more, but I didn't. If I had researched more, I wouldn't have let it happen.
> 
> 3) *God made our son perfect.* Why did I PERMANENTLY physically change him? Why would I think it was okay when God/Mother Nature makes every single male mammal this way? It's not there for us to remove. It served a purpose. I read recently that the sexual experience of a circumcised male is like an orchestra with parts missing. It's not the full experience. I know that he will never know that- I guess. I hope. But it's an experience that I let be taken away from him. And that's not okay.
> 
> 4) *I allowed a permanent alteration to our son's body that can NEVER be changed.* I didn't have the right to do that. I allowed for his most private parts to be permanently altered without his consent. With all my talk about birthing rights and physical autonomy, I should have given him the same considerations. It was an unnecessary permanent procedure that has a relatively high rate of complications. How arrogant. How wrong.
> 
> 5) *I can't get over that I can't change this*. I just want to go back and do the right thing! This is making me tear up again. I feel it in my chest. In my head I just feel like screaming- "Please! Let me do this over again! I will do it right!" OMG. I know this is crazy. This is the part that beats me up. I can't fix it. There are no "do-overs". I f'd up. I changed him forever and I hope that he is never bothered by this. I hope that he never has another day of pain from it. I hope that he has a fulfilling sex life. I hope that he can still get an erection when he is old.
> 
> 6) *Circumcision information is everywhere I read now*. I have my favorite blogs now and I have done a lot more reading over the last two years. I have found much more circumcision information. And I've read some of it. I can't even read it all because I get too upset. It's so obvious that I've made the wrong decision. And I can't fix it. So I try not to read it, because there is no point. But it's still there, reminding me. Long lists of the ways I failed him.
> 
> So yeah. Those are the things I get upset about. I just need to figure out how to let it go. I am just so sorry. I can't even tell him I'm sorry. I can't even check in with him someday and say "Hey- is your sex life as good as you think it should be?", "Do you have any pain in your penis when you have an erection?". OMG. We can just never talk about this. I can only hope that he is okay and he is happy in this area of his life. This personal area of his life I had no business messing with.
> 
> So how am I not supposed to cry about this sometimes? I have no way of knowing he is okay. That he will be okay. And even if he is "okay", he was perfect and he will never know what he is missing. It wasn't my place to take that. I am so sorry but I can't even tell him.
> 
> I am not mad at you about this. I understand why you wanted him to be circumcised (the same as you) and I understand why this doesn't bother you the way it bothers me. And I promise to never say anything to him about it. He is perfect and I love him so much it hurts.
> 
> Okay. Goodnight.
> 
> -Emily
> 
> PS. I'm trying to let it go, I'm just not doing a very good job of it.


Emily,

I'm sorry we live in a society that even contemplates doing this to children, that it's even an option. If we lived in a culture that valued children & their *whole* bodies, there'd be no one to take advantage of mothers, fathers & babies. I'm so sorry.

When you feel ready, please consider sharing your story w/ others again. Perhaps you can save another mother & baby from what you are living w/ each & every day.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Best wishes,

Sus


----------



## Our Muddy Boots

Here is the link to my story. I did not think I would share this story, but I never want another mother to feel the pain that I do...


----------



## QueenOfTheMeadow

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Our Muddy Boots*
> 
> Here is the link to my story. I did not think I would share this story, but I never want another mother to feel the pain that I do...










Thank you for sharing your story with us.


----------



## culturalcreative1

Dear Mama's,

I think it would be extremely beneficial to bring your voices out to a wider audience but I realize that there is safety in the privacy here at mothering. For this reason, I have decided to create a blog that is exclusively comprised of stories of circumcision regret. The stories can be emailed to [email protected] and will be published at circregret.blogspot.com. All stories will be published anonymously unless otherwise specified. I have already published 3 stories and would be honored to add yours, too.

I am the Director for Intact Michigan, a local chapter of The Intact Network, our chapter page is facebook.com/IntactMI if you want to PM the page, I can answer your questions. I can also be reached on Twitter @IntactMichigan and via email at [email protected]

Thanks for speaking out,

Jenn


----------



## EuroMama

I was fed the same BS stories for years about how its "cleaner" etc etc. My oldest was done and so was my youngest (7 months!) I regret this EVERYDAY! I should have listened to to my instincts that screamed "NO!!!!"


----------



## mare54

You know it doesn't matter how many people regret circumcising their baby boy......because even just one should be enough. Anyone who is pumping themselves up on being proud that they circumcised their son.....is in some real denial. How else can some people justify doing that to their baby? I regret it.....I don't hate myself anymore for doing it, and my son doesn't seem to hate me for it (although I did tell him to go thank his father.....and not me!), but that doesn't mean I live with regret every day of my life. What keeps me going is the educating of others.....and saving a baby boy from time to time from having to go through what my son went through.


----------



## hakunangovi

Well said. I managed to keep my son intact when he was born, but sadly he was circumcised for phimosis at the age of 11. When I got access to the internet I discovered a whole lot of information, and realised that the urologist was totaly ignorant of the normal age of retractability, let alone treatments such as steroid creams and preputioplasty which preserve the foreskin. I still feel bad about what happened, but there was no information to be accessed by the person on the street. This is why I hang out here from time to time - to help spread accurate information, and hopefully spare someone else the regret that I feel.


----------



## mare54

Oh I am so sorry....it is shameful that our medical community is so completely ignorant about normal natural foreskin and we rely on them for accurate information and advice. At least we used to, for me, a nurse basically was untruthful about the procedure and I felt very lied to. I know my son suffered and I will always regret not saying NO to the nurse and the father of my child. Thank goodness for the knowledge on the internet, since now I never see a doctor without doing my own research first and taking it with me to my appointment. Good for you for sharing the information too!


----------



## withlittlelungs

I was extremely uneducated about circ when my son was born. I was under the assumption that it was routine and no big deal. I know how stupid that sounds. I didn't research the pros and cons. I SO wish I had. I feel immense guilt over this. He was not circumcised until he was a few months old, due to insurance reasons. We had no problem with his intact penis. I just thought I was "supposed" to circumcise. 
Now we are pregnant with #2 and if it is a boy, he will definitely remain intact. I live by the "know better, do better" motto, but it doesn't take away the guilt. I love DS more than anything in the world, and I feel like I made such a huge mistake. I don't want him to ever think that I cared about the wellbeing of another child more than him.


----------



## jessjgh1

Jenn
There are many post on here that the poster gives permission to share. Perhaps an effort could be made to compile the ones that are like that, with a link back to the forum or thread

Although, you may want to check Intact America/NOCIRC and Whole Netork to make sure someone is not already doing this.

Give me a few weeks into September and I'd go through a bunch to see- if we split them up w a few volunteers it would be quick. Also we could try to contact the posters and get a follow up and/or permission.

In light of the new AAP statement this thread is so important- just as it always has been. I'm so ever in debt to what I read here before my son was born

Jessica



Quote:


> Originally Posted by *culturalcreative1*
> 
> Dear Mama's,
> 
> I think it would be extremely beneficial to bring your voices out to a wider audience but I realize that there is safety in the privacy here at mothering. For this reason, I have decided to create a blog that is exclusively comprised of stories of circumcision regret. The stories can be emailed to [email protected] and will be published at circregret.blogspot.com. All stories will be published anonymously unless otherwise specified. I have already published 3 stories and would be honored to add yours, too.
> 
> I am the Director for Intact Michigan, a local chapter of The Intact Network, our chapter page is facebook.com/IntactMI if you want to PM the page, I can answer your questions. I can also be reached on Twitter @IntactMichigan and via email at [email protected]
> 
> Thanks for speaking out,
> Jenn


----------



## mamathrifty

My oldest is circumcised and my other two boys are not. I feel terrible that I let them do that to my oldest baby because his dad wanted it done just because, and I was too young and foolish to do my own research as to whether it SHOULD be done. By the time my next son was born, I was a lot more mature and looked into the information on this medical procedure and discovered it was completely medically unnecessary and carried serious risks, including death! I am blessed that nothing bad happened to my son because of my foolishness, but there was no way I was going to subject my other boys to that!


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## ErinMayhill

I have 4 sons. My older 3 are circumcised, because I never even realized it was an issue. I thought most* male babies are circumcised. I even remember the nurse telling me that it's mostly black families who don't circumcise their sons. (I'm not racist...she made me think it's a cultural thing) I also thought it was healthier to be circumcised and I thought there must be a reason God had the Israelites go through circumcision. My 1st son and 3rd son have had problems with theirs. It seems to have resolved itself with my oldest, but my 5yo still has issues and I'm not sure how they will be resolved. With son #4, I now have more natural-minded friends talking about it and I looked into the issue more. I really dreaded circumcision every time and nearly passed out when I saw it for the first time on my oldest son. I really thought I was doing the right thing. I wish I had listened to my instincts cautioning me. It has made me so happy to have #4 intact. Every time I change his diaper, I am so thankful that all of him is there...nothing chopped off. I dread the thought that my older 3 may ask me someday why they're cut. What in the world will I tell them? The same thing any parent says when they've made mistakes, I guess. "I'm so sorry."


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## Pam Kelty

My regret is posted in the post below, in replying to an earlier post I read from another member.


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## Pam Kelty

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Emily79*
> 
> I totally regret having my son circumcised. I was wrong in so many ways and I am still having a hard time moving forward. I hope that he will be okay as he can be, considering.
> 
> I wrote an email to my husband one night when we started talking about the circumcision and I became really upset. I try not to think about it, but surprisingly, it seems like it gets brought up a lot. Every time it is brought up, I can't help but think about my son, strapped to the table, screaming. It runs over and over in my head how I should have snatched him up and screamed "NO!". But I let it happen. I know I failed him. So instead of rewriting the whole story, I will just copy most of the email I originally sent to my husband. I think it might be helpful for others to see my thought process too. Also- Someday I will tell my son that I am sorry. My husband doesn't want me to bring it up to him because he doesn't want our son to think something is wrong with him. But someday I will say I am sorry.
> 
> Husband-
> 
> I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it, not that you need to understand. I know you are tired of me being emotional and I don't expect you to be involved in my resolution process. I guess when you asked me what I was thinking tonight, I didn't want to tell you because I know I need to move past this. I think I told you because I hoped you could help me with it? I don't know. Whether or not you help me, or are interested in my mental issues about all this, I at least hope that writing it all down will bring me some peace.
> 
> I feel upset like someone broke up with me. Like someone died. Like I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. Heartbroken like my chest is caving in. I just think about the day he was circumcised and my throat closes up, my eyes fill with tears, and it feels like my chest is being crushed. And I know this is weird. Who else freaks out like this over their son's circumcision?
> 
> 1) *I feel like I failed a major test as a mom*. I knew when I saw him being strapped down that it was wrong. I think about that day and I wish I could go back and snatch him up and scream that I don't consent. I imagine it. It's what I should have done. It's what every cell in my body told me to do, but I just walked away and cried. I didn't listen to my heart screaming at me to stop the process. To protect my perfect baby. I let it happen. I failed him.
> 
> 2) *I am disappointed in myself.* I am an intelligent person. I read book after book about childbirth. I read natural parenting blogs, books, and articles. Why didn't I think more about this? Why didn't I make it more of a priority to research the pro's and con's? Why did I slack off on such an important decision? Why did I defer to you? I was informed enough to know that I should have researched more, but I didn't. If I had researched more, I wouldn't have let it happen.
> 
> 3) *God made our son perfect.* Why did I PERMANENTLY physically change him? Why would I think it was okay when God/Mother Nature makes every single male mammal this way? It's not there for us to remove. It served a purpose. I read recently that the sexual experience of a circumcised male is like an orchestra with parts missing. It's not the full experience. I know that he will never know that- I guess. I hope. But it's an experience that I let be taken away from him. And that's not okay.
> 
> 4) *I allowed a permanent alteration to our son's body that can NEVER be changed.* I didn't have the right to do that. I allowed for his most private parts to be permanently altered without his consent. With all my talk about birthing rights and physical autonomy, I should have given him the same considerations. It was an unnecessary permanent procedure that has a relatively high rate of complications. How arrogant. How wrong.
> 
> 5) *I can't get over that I can't change this*. I just want to go back and do the right thing! This is making me tear up again. I feel it in my chest. In my head I just feel like screaming- "Please! Let me do this over again! I will do it right!" OMG. I know this is crazy. This is the part that beats me up. I can't fix it. There are no "do-overs". I f'd up. I changed him forever and I hope that he is never bothered by this. I hope that he never has another day of pain from it. I hope that he has a fulfilling sex life. I hope that he can still get an erection when he is old.
> 
> 6) *Circumcision information is everywhere I read now*. I have my favorite blogs now and I have done a lot more reading over the last two years. I have found much more circumcision information. And I've read some of it. I can't even read it all because I get too upset. It's so obvious that I've made the wrong decision. And I can't fix it. So I try not to read it, because there is no point. But it's still there, reminding me. Long lists of the ways I failed him.
> 
> So yeah. Those are the things I get upset about. I just need to figure out how to let it go. I am just so sorry. I can't even tell him I'm sorry. I can't even check in with him someday and say "Hey- is your sex life as good as you think it should be?", "Do you have any pain in your penis when you have an erection?". OMG. We can just never talk about this. I can only hope that he is okay and he is happy in this area of his life. This personal area of his life I had no business messing with.
> 
> So how am I not supposed to cry about this sometimes? I have no way of knowing he is okay. That he will be okay. And even if he is "okay", he was perfect and he will never know what he is missing. It wasn't my place to take that. I am so sorry but I can't even tell him.
> 
> I am not mad at you about this. I understand why you wanted him to be circumcised (the same as you) and I understand why this doesn't bother you the way it bothers me. And I promise to never say anything to him about it. He is perfect and I love him so much it hurts.
> 
> Okay. Goodnight.
> 
> -Emily
> 
> PS. I'm trying to let it go, I'm just not doing a very good job of it.


When I read your post, it was like reading the exact same thoughts, emotions and reactions that I went through after discovering the truth about circumcision and realizing what a horrible thing that I had allowed to happened to my boys, when all I ever wanted was to be the best mother I could ever be. I had thought up until that time that I had been the best mom ever, now I feel like a complete failure. I don't think I will ever forgive myself, even though they say it's ok and they forgive me. When you wrote: "I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it,..", I wrote the exact same words, the only difference was I was writing to my 2 sons that night. I couldn't stop crying, I felt so much remorse, sadness, guilt, etc, etc., I decided to write both my sons an email and apologize for what happened to them and explain how and why it happened. My sons were 31 and 26 at the time, (6 months ago). I'm still not dealing with it very well. I just can't get over how I could have ever allowed such a horrible thing to happen to my boys, they are my everything!!!

In my case, my first son is circumcised (like his father), and my second son is intact (like his father). You may wonder why I feel remorse for my second son. Even though he wasn't circumcised, I was told to retract his foreskin from the very beginning. His first 3 or 4 yrs were horrible because of the forced retractions done by his doctor during routine check ups. I felt to blame because they said I was not forcing it back during diaper changes and bath times. I would only push as far as it would go without hurting him. I hate doctors now! I had put all my faith and trust in them, thinking that they knew better than me what was best for my sons. Turns out they didn't after all!!!


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## hakunangovi

Pam, hugs to you! You were not to blame, our uninformed and ignorant medical system is. My son was born in '81 and I was adamant that he remain intact. We had no opposition from the doctor with regard to that, but, we too, were instructed to "retract his foreskin gently at each bath". This we diligently did and by the age of 5 he was half way retractile, with no apparent trauma. Then at the age of 7 he got a little slit in his foreskin when he pulled it back, which must have stung like crazy, and made him cry. We asked our new doctor, who happened to be Irish, about this and he stated that there was no need to retract. I am sure DS never did again. Then one night when he was 11, I woke to him crying and calling for me. He had gone for a pee and it was obviously causing much pain. The next day the Dr diagnosed a UTI and prescribed antibiotics which cured him in a day. However it was noted that his foreskin was no longer able to retract and we were sent to a urologist. He was an arrogant basket and insisted that Ds must be circumcised. I showed him the information that I had found in support of intactness and argued with him. However, in those pre internet days there was not much information to be had, and my main opposition was based on gut feeling and the disappointment and anger that I have always felt at being circumcised myself. His response was to walk out of the room. Sadly DW still believed that DS had a problem and took him back to get circumcised. Since gaining access to the internet, I have learned that there are many treatments for a tight foreskin that do not involve amputation. I am still furious that the urologist was not aware of any of them. I too have a huge distrust of the medical system. It is them who are to blame. We were just unwitting victims of their arrogance and ignorance.


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## mare54

It is heart wrenching to read these stories about decisions that can't be taken back and feelings of failure to protect babies. So many people can relate.....and even the ones who "deny" all of it, get defensive because of regret they have pushed down for so long. Having been in this situation for 33 years.....making the same uniformed decision so many years ago and feeling guilty for not protecting my son when he depended on me to do so, I can tell you that the regret never, ever goes away. I've dealt with the guilt and by committing to continue my education about infant circumcision and by sharing the information with as many people as possible so that a baby boy might be saved from this barbaric procedure along the way. The way to turn around this kind of helpless feeling of not being able to go back and make a different decision for your own child, is to share important information with others. If only one person would have given me real facts to go along with my instinctual urges to say NO to circumcision.....I know I would have made a much different decision for my son. Knowledge is power and if we continue to gain knowledge and pass on that knowledge, I know we can make a difference for so many other baby boys. Good luck to all of you. There is a Facebook group for parents who regret circumcising their sons as well as a similar group on Baby Center. Here are two places you can get a lot of support that can help you move on and do something positive with your regret.


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## raetsel

I made an account just to say this - my son's circumcision is the one event in my life that disturbs me so much that I can't bear to think about it (and I've experienced lots of lovely things like an adored parent killing himself to give you some reference for scale - I'd much rather think about that in detail).

My son was born about a month early. He peeked out at me, his naive 19-year-old mother, when I first held him and said "hi" then closed his eyes for ~3 weeks. He had no fat on him - he was not fully ready to be born, but was fine, normal-weight and so on. I explain this just because it makes what happened and how he reacted seem even more dramatic.

I don't remember signing anything or having to consent to anything to do with circumcision, but I was 19 years old & felt ridiculous for being pregnant since I looked about 14 & people in hospitals treat you pretty much as such. I'd been stuck in a hospital for a month to keep him from being born way too early & had just been gliding along by doctors decisions of what was best to have a healthy baby.

So, the day my son was born, the doctor who does the circumcising there wasn't in. I had to actually take my baby back in a couple of days. I can't even type that without lots of tears.

So, here is my nightmare:

I took my son in.

They don't let you go in with him.
They don't really explain anything at all.

I don't remember if I could hear him screaming - it seems to me that I could, but honestly, the brain is good at wiping things from your memory when they're just too much to handle.

I remember the nurse coming out and telling me it was done & that he almost sat up while strapped on the board. ALMOST SAT UP - a newborn who was early and wasn't even opening his eyes. How sick is that??????!!!!

The whole way home and for much of the day, my tiny little boy was making that upset noise like you would after you have cried your eyes out and can't catch your breath. FOR HOURS.

I can't even hardly write this and it has been 19 years since this happened.

So, please, anyone, don't do it. Don't learn the hard way that it's just so obviously wrong.


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## mama24-7

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *raetsel*
> 
> I made an account just to say this - my son's circumcision is the one event in my life that disturbs me so much that I can't bear to think about it (and I've experienced lots of lovely things like an adored parent killing himself to give you some reference for scale - I'd much rather think about that in detail).
> 
> My son was born about a month early. He peeked out at me, his naive 19-year-old mother, when I first held him and said "hi" then closed his eyes for ~3 weeks. He had no fat on him - he was not fully ready to be born, but was fine, normal-weight and so on. I explain this just because it makes what happened and how he reacted seem even more dramatic.
> 
> I don't remember signing anything or having to consent to anything to do with circumcision, but I was 19 years old & felt ridiculous for being pregnant since I looked about 14 & people in hospitals treat you pretty much as such. I'd been stuck in a hospital for a month to keep him from being born way too early & had just been gliding along by doctors decisions of what was best to have a healthy baby.
> 
> So, the day my son was born, the doctor who does the circumcising there wasn't in. I had to actually take my baby back in a couple of days. I can't even type that without lots of tears.
> 
> So, here is my nightmare:
> 
> I took my son in.
> 
> They don't let you go in with him.
> They don't really explain anything at all.
> 
> I don't remember if I could hear him screaming - it seems to me that I could, but honestly, the brain is good at wiping things from your memory when they're just too much to handle.
> 
> I remember the nurse coming out and telling me it was done & that he almost sat up while strapped on the board. ALMOST SAT UP - a newborn who was early and wasn't even opening his eyes. How sick is that??????!!!!
> 
> The whole way home and for much of the day, my tiny little boy was making that upset noise like you would after you have cried your eyes out and can't catch your breath. FOR HOURS.
> 
> I can't even hardly write this and it has been 19 years since this happened.
> 
> So, please, anyone, don't do it. Don't learn the hard way that it's just so obviously wrong.


You are as much a victim as your son is. Those people who took & did this to your son are not practicing medicine; they are committing society sanctioned abuse. I'm sorry for you both.

Have you tried talking to your son about this? I imagine that it may be difficult to bring up & talk about. Also, I have no idea about the laws, but I have heard of men who sue the doctor once they become an adult. Perhaps you both could look into that. IMO, it's important for him to know that you made a mistake so that he does not make the same mistake. However, never having been in this situation, I am not telling you what to do, just sharing my opinion & why I have it.

Best wishes to you both.

Sus


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## Blueberry159

My first son is circumcised, and it's my deepest regret. The surgery was extremely painful for him and he has had common complications and infections. When he is a little older, we will apologize to him from the bottom of our hearts for violating his human rights, and taking away part of his body without his consent. We will support him in anyway that he needs. We were well intentioned but so ignorant... I can only hope and pray that he will be able to forgive us one day.

My second son is intact. He has benefitted from his foreskin and will continue to benefit from it for the rest of his life. I am so glad we learned more, and did better for our second son.

I believe that both girls AND boys deserve to have their rights to genital autonomy protected. I also feel that our cultural and religious freedoms should end where another human's body begins.

In my humble opinion, every parent should learn about the functions of the foreskin before making this decision. I wish I had, maybe my first son would still be intact.
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/functions-of-foreskin-purposes-of.html?m=1


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## mercy96

Your stories are heartbreaking. Its really not your fault, blame society. What is the circ rate in the US? Really, circ is more attractive?

I decided not to circumsize after seeing a documentary on female genital mutilation aka "female circumsicion". The cleanliness reason is used for fgm and I really dont see the difference for males or females.


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## bon jody

i am writing this because i am heart broken. My son turned 4 just over a week ago. His father, my ex, does not see the children often, sometimes for months at a time. They have never spend the night with him. He chose to see them 3 hours a fortnight and cancels often. He is a liar and i nag him about being honest when it comes to the kids...apparently he wanted to stick it to me for being bossy about the kids that i have done all the work and taken all the responsibility for. He picked them up in the morning...called me in the evening to ask what they eat because he doesn't even know that, it was the longest he has spent with them....when they came home my son was circumcised. My 4 year old who hadn't seen his daddy for nearly 2 months was held down by strangers, blind folded, and circumcised while he screamed. The helplessness i feel...i handed them over to that man and he did this. He even arranged for a woman to meet him there and the doctor thought she was the mother. He said he did it because he is their father...that's the only explanation. He told his sister it is because i refused to get it done...he only spoke about it once, a year ago. I said not now, when he is older he can make that choice himself. I never heard another word about it until it was done and there is nothing i can do. My son is angry, he wants to punch people, he hates his willy...he still loves his daddy though. I apologised to him and told him it was ok to be angry with someone and still love them, i told him i didn't know, i wouldn't have let it happen...he looked so relieved to hear that and opened up about what happened. He was told it would not hurt and that he was not allowed to cry. When it burns he screams and asks if he can cry...of course you can, you cry as much as you need to.

Still he is making me out to be the bad guy....it's because i talk too much, nag him...well he really showed me, didn't he.

He had it easy. No responsibility and could see them when ever he chose. I will now get sole legal custody, there was no reason for what he did other than spite. My son will forever be different to his brother and most of his friends, he is still screaming in agony and wetting himself .... We spent the next day at hospital and they have made formal complaints about the clinic that did this without my knowledge. They have offered me councelling which i will take up, and i am arranging the same for my son. I wasn't there to protect my son. This was done to him because someone is angry with me. What if this ruins his life? How could he do something irreversible just because he wanted to? i never realised how serious circumcision was until my sons basic rights were taken from him in such a brutal way.


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## MichelleZB

WHAT?!?!?!

Can you take further legal action? This is really shocking and horrible.


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## bon jody

i have been given advice to sue on behalf of my son but i don't know if i have the strength to do that. I will go to court for sole legal custody and the hospitals child protection staff will back me 100% and apparently so will the police. I spoke to the doctor that did it and he said there were about 3 or 4 people that went and he thought it was the whole family. They were suppose to be my friends too. My younger son is acting out now and is angry at me...i wonder if it is because he was there too.


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## mare54

My heart goes out to you. I had a similar situation with an ex husband that used our two children to "get back" at me. He also made plans and didn't show up, often leaving the two of them with packed bags sitting out on the driveway for hours......it was almost too much to watch. They still wanted to go with him and maybe I'll never know why. They are grown now with families of their own, but my daughter (who is the oldest....) still bends over backwards to try and keep him in her and her children's lives. On the other hand, she doesn't have a problem letting me know exactly how she feels about me sometimes!!!! Anyway, what a horrible thing for your EX to do to your son. He could have trust issues for years to come after being assaulted like that. My Ex husband demanded that our son be circumcised at birth.....which I did not want to do....but ended up caving into his wishes to avoid confrontation. I will never forgive myself for not protecting my son. He was born perfectly healthy and there was NO reason to surgically alter his genitals. I question now if he was given anything for pain.....and it breaks my heart! That was 33 years ago and the experience is still fresh in my memory. I hope you are able to resolve the issues with your Ex......but your son can never be given back what was taken from him. It's just horrible. Good luck to you.......


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## beru

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bon jody*
> 
> i have been given advice to sue on behalf of my son but i don't know if i have the strength to do that. I will go to court for sole legal custody and the hospitals child protection staff will back me 100% and apparently so will the police. I spoke to the doctor that did it and he said there were about 3 or 4 people that went and he thought it was the whole family. They were suppose to be my friends too. My younger son is acting out now and is angry at me...i wonder if it is because he was there too.


I am horrified by your story and am in tears. I am so sorry for your boy and for you. I am glad you feel you have the support of hospital staff. Good luck.


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## hakunangovi

Bon Jody, Wow! My heart goes out to you and your son. I cannot think of a more brutal way to treat a child. Surely that action is classed as a "battery", and as such deserves jail time?

Good luck to you. Hang in there. We are here to support you.


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## mama24-7

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bon jody*
> 
> i have been given advice to sue on behalf of my son but i don't know if i have the strength to do that. I will go to court for sole legal custody and the hospitals child protection staff will back me 100% and apparently so will the police. I spoke to the doctor that did it and he said there were about 3 or 4 people that went and he thought it was the whole family. They were suppose to be my friends too. My younger son is acting out now and is angry at me...i wonder if it is because he was there too.


I'm so sorry for what has happened to your son. I thought this might be of use to you. Perhaps not to use today or tomorrow, but once you are calmed down some & feel like you can think about it more easily: http://www.intactamerica.org/sites/default/files/Circumcision%20and%20Your%20Legal%20Rights.pdf

Sus


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## Mitchell756

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bon jody*
> 
> i have been given advice to sue on behalf of my son but i don't know if i have the strength to do that. I will go to court for sole legal custody and the hospitals child protection staff will back me 100% and apparently so will the police. I spoke to the doctor that did it and he said there were about 3 or 4 people that went and he thought it was the whole family. They were suppose to be my friends too. My younger son is acting out now and is angry at me...i wonder if it is because he was there too.


I would reccomend taking legal action against all of the individuals involved. With the technology available today circumcision will soon cease to be a permanent harm.

Currently the organization foregen is heading these efforts.

If they could receive a large donation their work would accelerate rapidly.

It may not be easy but i believe that it would be best to sue your husband and his accomplices and join me and many others in supporting the work aimed at ending circumcision once and for all.


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## mare54

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm all for any technology to "fix" the harm of circumcision, but I certainly don't want anyone now saying it's okay to do it to babies now because they can always fix it when they get older! I think you know what I mean.


----------



## Blueberry159

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mare54*
> 
> I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm all for any technology to "fix" the harm of circumcision, but I certainly don't want anyone now saying it's okay to do it to babies now because they can always fix it when they get older! I think you know what I mean.


I agree. And, I can't see how advancements in technology could possibly bring back all the functions of the foreskin that nature intended. Not to mention, you can't undo the trauma and the pain of unnecessary, risky, cosmetic genital surgery.


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## mama24-7

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Blueberry159*
> I agree. And, I can't see how advancements in technology could possibly bring back all the functions of the foreskin that nature intended. Not to mention, *you can't undo the trauma* and the pain of unnecessary, risky, cosmetic genital surgery.


Bolding mine. I wonder if there is a way to work through something like that? I don't think there is but I'm not a psychiatrist. Regardless, I find it quite interesting that the most violent places on the planet are the ones where circ of minors is the most prevalent. No one ever seems to make *that* connection though. So. Incredibly. Sad.

Sus


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## karmal2

I left the choice up to my sons father. I didn't know any better. The hospital asked while I was pregnant and he said "of course". No question in his mind. My son was born and before they took him to have the surgery, I signed the papers to allow it to happen. They explained what would happen "w will take him down and give him a little anesthetic and then we just pull up the extra skin, twist and snip. Then we will bring him right back to you. Do you want to come watch and stay with him?" (Sad that over two years later I remember every word she said to me). I still haven't found anything that supports her claim that they just "twist and snip". He didn't seem like he was in a lot of pain, but maybe that was because I exclusively breastfed and had strong pain meds for a few weeks because of my c-section. When family changed his diapers, they asked me why he WASN'T circumcised. He went through all that, just to look like it never happened?? He has always (since the surgery) had an incredibly sensitive penis. He cries out in pain when I change his diaper, even now, two years later. He has had adhesions, which were forcefully ripped apart by the dr when he was under a year old and again at 18 months. He has issues when he urinates, it kind of dribbles out instead of streams. I regret letting his father make that decision every single time I change my baby's diaper or hear him cry when he has to pee. I will not be doing this to any future sons I have.


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## hakunangovi

Wow, I'm so sorry for you and your son. It is so sad that the medical community refuses to be up front with the complications that can, and often do, result from a circumcision. Actualy all circumcisions cause damage but often it is not apparent until later in life. It sounds, to me, like your son may be suffering from meatal stenosis, where the pee hole gets scarred and narrow from being exposed to urine and feces in the diaper. This is a common ( 10% ) complication of circumcision and does not occur in intact boys because the foreskin protects the glans and meatus. Unfortunately the solution is more surgery. The weak dribble instead of a forceful stream when he pees is not a good sign and could end up causing further damage due to the back pressure and possibility that his bladder is not being completely emptied. You might want to do some research to see if your son is so afflicted.

Good luck, and I hope things go better for both of you in the future.


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## Mitchell756

That is unfortunate what happened to your son but it is certainly not unusual. There are several different methods of circumcision so it is difficult to determine which was used on your son.If you write down the name of the doctor that performed the circumcision and the hospital where it was performed your son will be able to take legal action against them when he gets older.

How many boys will need to have their lives shattered before this practice finally comes to an end?


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## bugmenot

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karmal2*
> 
> I left the choice up to my sons father. I didn't know any better. The hospital asked while I was pregnant and he said "of course". No question in his mind. My son was born and before they took him to have the surgery, I signed the papers to allow it to happen. They explained what would happen "w will take him down and give him a little anesthetic and then we just pull up the extra skin, twist and snip. Then we will bring him right back to you. Do you want to come watch and stay with him?" (Sad that over two years later I remember every word she said to me). I still haven't found anything that supports her claim that they just "twist and snip". He didn't seem like he was in a lot of pain, but maybe that was because I exclusively breastfed and had strong pain meds for a few weeks because of my c-section. When family changed his diapers, they asked me why he WASN'T circumcised. He went through all that, just to look like it never happened?? He has always (since the surgery) had an incredibly sensitive penis. He cries out in pain when I change his diaper, even now, two years later. He has had adhesions, which were forcefully ripped apart by the dr when he was under a year old and again at 18 months. He has issues when he urinates, it kind of dribbles out instead of streams. I regret letting his father make that decision every single time I change my baby's diaper or hear him cry when he has to pee. I will not be doing this to any future sons I have.


In my opinion, the worst part of circumcision, other than the immediate pain, is the adhesions. If they take too much off, there's a greater chance of the boy having discomfort during erections. If they take too little off, there's the adhesions. The doctors tell the parents and caregivers to pull the skin back.

I'm not ranting against you, but I'm ranting against the system or the mindset. It's a horrible mindset and it needs obliterated.

OF COURSE the skin will re-attach! It's nature's way of trying to re-gain what someone tried to fight.

Remember Jurassic Park? The scientists tried to re-create dinosaurs under artificial rules (only female dinosaurs, etc...) well...guess what happened? Nature won!

Anyway, back to adhesions...the adhesions are nature's way of trying to re-claim what it originally had.

The worst thing anyone can do, once they have their son circumcised, is to pull those adhesions back...but it's what the doctors say to do.











I wonder if those same doctors tell parents and caregivers of intact children to pull the skin back...probably, because they don't know any better.


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## bugmenot

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mitchell756*
> 
> That is unfortunate what happened to your son but it is certainly not unusual. There are several different methods of circumcision so it is difficult to determine which was used on your son.If you write down the name of the doctor that performed the circumcision and the hospital where it was performed your son will be able to take legal action against them when he gets older.
> 
> *How many boys will need to have their lives shattered before this practice finally comes to an end?*


Here's the way I see it. You're walking down a forest path and get to a fork in the path. If you go left, certain things may happen. If you go right, other things may happen. There's no way to foresee what will happen, but you *can* get advice from other people who have gone down the path before...but in the end, it's all up to you. If the path you choose gets tricky to navigate, you can't go back. No matter which path you choose, it may or may not be the same experience as others.

A kid grows up whole with no issues and wants his own circumcision. The kid gets to make his own choice. In the end, he's happy.
A kid grows up whole and has issues...he needs to be circumcised. How many times does this honestly happen? Not too many.
A kid grows up circumcised and has issues. This is a problem and maybe the wrong decision was made. Unfortunately, the parents and child will never know.
A kid grows up circumcised and appears to have no issues. He can urinate, erect, and have sex with no apparent issues. Unfortunately, this is the only thing he's ever known, so there's really no way to compare.

Option 1 - Good choice
Option 2 - Perhaps a bad choice, but in all honesty, it probably won't happen...but if it does happen, it might be easier, since the penis is bigger. The kid can undergo a difficult surgery easier, since he is older, has a bigger body, and can be sleeping (with medication and sleeping gas) during it. He can also have pain meds afterwords. A difficult part might be refraining from masturbation...obviously, in a diaper, this might be next to impossible.

Option 3 - This is a bad choice, but there's really no way to change it.
Option 4 - If you look at it neutrally, it *could* be a good choice, but there's really no way to tell. If you look at it from a biased standpoint, it's really whatever your opinion is. Talk to someone who circumcised, and it'll be a good choice in their eyes. Talk to an intactvist, and it's a horrible choice.

With all that said, either delay the surgery as long as possible OR let him make his own choice. If he's 18, 20, 25, 35 when he wants to be circumcised, it'll be easier on him AND his penis. *He can also make his own decision of how much he wants removed, something he can't say as a baby.*


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## aihley

I regret circumcising my son. I thought I knew what it was and I didn't. I was a valedictorian and honors student with a particular interest in biology and a nurse for a mother and I didn't research enough. I was not open to being attacked by some intactivists so it was hard for me to listen and I avoided information on their pages. I thought I knew the history of my religion and I was dead wrong. My son will suffer because of this. I only hope that he'll forgive me one day. If I could give a piece of my body to restore his I would.


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## imgr8ful

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *bugmenot*
> 
> In my opinion, the worst part of circumcision, other than the immediate pain, is the adhesions. If they take too much off, there's a greater chance of the boy having discomfort during erections. If they take too little off, there's the adhesions. The doctors tell the parents and caregivers to pull the skin back.
> 
> I'm not ranting against you, but I'm ranting against the system or the mindset. It's a horrible mindset and it needs obliterated.
> 
> OF COURSE the skin will re-attach! It's nature's way of trying to re-gain what someone tried to fight.
> 
> Remember Jurassic Park? The scientists tried to re-create dinosaurs under artificial rules (only female dinosaurs, etc...) well...guess what happened? Nature won!
> 
> Anyway, back to adhesions...the adhesions are nature's way of trying to re-claim what it originally had.
> 
> The worst thing anyone can do, once they have their son circumcised, is to pull those adhesions back...but it's what the doctors say to do.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I wonder if those same doctors tell parents and caregivers of intact children to pull the skin back...probably, because they don't know any better.


i disagree. when the scar line is healing, i think it's better to gently push the remaining tissue back to prevent those adhesions. i don't think doctors tell parents this anymore and that's why so many boys these days end up having a doctor rip the adhesion apart, sometimes 2 or 3 times, or worse than that, end up needing to be cut a second time! and yes, many doctors still tell parents of intact boys to retract the foreskin for cleaning. to me, it seems like some doctors in this country are intentionally trying to sabotage the penises!

i was told to push it back at every diaper change until it was healed (this did not seem to bother him as it never fully attached, just got a little "sticky") - my son had/has no adhesions, he's almost 9. his younger brothers are intact thanks to him.


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## kenmiller

Do not believe the erroneous information you hear from the medical community. I am 50 and caught herpes when I was 20. Over the last 30 years and many dozens of outbreaks I have noticed that my sores only develop on the skin formerly covered by the foreskin. My father had himself circumcised at 21 because he said his foreskin pulled back only manually.

I was circumcised (butchered) as a baby, so I do not know for sure, but because "I am quite wide" I suspect I would have inherited the same retractability issue my father had. If my foreskin was only manually retractable like my father's, because herpes comes up on the points of contact and all my soars come up between my circumcision scar and glans, it stands to reason that I (at least) would not suffer outbreaks. It is also possible that difficult to retract foreskins developed (via evolution) to protect those people who are particularly susceptible to herpes. BTW, I have never been able to be married or have children because no woman has wanted to risk getting herpes. I have been alone for the last 30 years.

Many people are infected with herpes and don't ever show symptoms. That may be because the virus can enter the body through the shaft skin and outer foreskin which the virus does not like as much as the mucous membrane that lies on the underside of the foreskin. If there is any chance I am correct, please heed this advice because herpes can ruin your son's future sex and family life.


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## Ron1

Well, the man who wants to circ his kid has, in my mind, a common type of emotional denial that many circed men have. To not circ his child is to admit that there is something wrong, sexually speaking, with the father. That is probably too profound and emotionally destructive for the father to contemplate. His ego cannot even contemplate it, so he will continue to sell himself the illusion of being whole. He doesnt't understand that 20,000 sexual nerve endings have been removed.
This is America's dirty secret. Meanwhile, people are outraged that Ben Affleck will play the new Batman. I feel sick to even live in this country sometimes.
As far as my story, being circed screwed my life up. I had painful erections throughout my life. At one point, the skin began to chafe and fall off the shaft, since there was not enough skin to accommodate my erections. I suffered from premature ejaculation. I became a more aggressive/violent lover, since I needed more mental stimulation and physical friction to feel anything. my ex belittled me for being a poor lover. I became addicted to drugs to offset the pain and lack of pleasure I felt. But the worst part, was that I was ignorant that it was caused by a tight circ. I thought it was all my fault. I felt like garbage and even contemplated suicide.
Only restoration saved my life. Now I understand what sex is supposed to feel like. Pardon me while i be a bit specific here: I am now fully covered flaccid, and I have experienced pleasure I did not even know was possible: whole body orgasms, multiple orgasms, involuntary body contractions, and very powerful ejaculations. In short, I am now experiencing everything that my ex girlfriends experienced. I am feeling what was supposed to be my birthright. The glory and beauty of sensual pleasure that all people were supposed to have. When I think of what the circed man, as well as his partner, are missing, it is frightening.
I only add the restoration info, because I think this is about more than preventing future circumcisions. It's about saving and helping the people who are alive today and who are dealing with their mutilations.


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## pennnyforum

As explained earlier, I'm from the UK where circumcision isn't as popular as in the US. Against my instinct, I was persuaded to circumcise my first son by DH (who is) and his family (where all males are) and my ped.

Whenever I was bathing or changing my first baby boy, friends sometimes called or family were present and often watched. I always felt very conscious that my son's circumcision was very obvious. The problem is the exposed glans is really an internal part and a different colour, even when faded, from the rest of his flesh in that area. It therefore draws attention to his circumcision and I often felt embarrassed and wanting to say "it wasn't my idea to do this!". Of course I never said anything and neither did the onlookers. America is used to seeing circumcised penises.

It was different when on holiday at my parent's home in England, where my mother gave me a hard time over it and never stopped nagging me about it whenever she changed him. She has never forgiven me for allowing it.

Once in the UK, I went to the beach with a group of friends and our toddlers. Not having swimming trunks with us on the day, the little guys ran and played happily in the nude. No surprise my son was the only one without his foreskin. This attracted some discreet comments and discussion. There was no criticism but I felt uneasy as I blurted out a lame explanation about not wanting him to be different from his peers in the US.

Not long afterwards I took him to my parent's doctor for a check up about something unrelated. As this involved removing his diaper, the doctor commented; "Hello what's going on here, I don't see many of those!" (pointing to his circumcised penis) I was terribly embarrassed and felt guilty as I shrugged and said his dad wanted done.

Have any other moms had experiences like this?


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## GaussWho

Thank you for this resource. Stupidly, I let my husband make the decision to circumcise our first son and didn't really do any research. After I saw a video of the procedure much later, I was so ashamed of myself for allowing that to happen to my sweet baby boy and every time I saw his scar, I felt overwhelming guilt.

When I became pregnant with our 2nd son, I didn't know how to convince my husband that I was not going to let that happen to our 2nd baby. I couldn't even bring myself to bring it up in conversation with him until I was 32 weeks. It did not go well. However, he agreed during that conversation to watch a video of the procedure. I want to share the email I sent to him, with the link of the video, because it was all it took to convince him not to circumcise our 2nd son. Literally the next day after reading this, he said "we don't have to circumcise." And that was it. I am sharing the following email in hopes that it can help somebody else convince their husband:

"Dear Husband,

Here is a video of a routine infant circumcision using the same procedure that our pediatrician uses (lidocaine injection followed by Gomco clamp). You said you would watch it so please, please watch the whole procedure with sound: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=bXVFFI76ff0#t=115s

This was hard for me to bring up with you but after I saw a video of circumcision for the first time about a year and a half ago, I couldn't stop crying and felt overwhelming guilt for not researching it more beforehand and letting them do that to our son.

I would like to talk about this some more when you are ready. I literally think about it everyday and the thought of it fills me with dread. I understand that you are coming from a different perspective but I also think that makes it hard for you to be objective. Times have changed and circumcision rates are going down every year. Can you imagine if circumcision was not the societal norm in the US and somebody approached their doctor wanting to do it? It would be considered barbaric but since it has been happening for the past 100 years, most people don't even stop to consider what we are actually doing to infants - cutting off a large part of his most sensitive organ at birth (when babies' pain systems are hyper-sensitive) for no compelling reason when I'm sure the foreskin evolved for a reason. Over 70% of the world does not circumcise and those that do are mainly for religious reasons (Jewish or Muslim). The US is pretty much the only developed nation in the world that routinely circumcises.

Please just think about everything I'm saying. I am sympathetic to where you are coming from, I really am, but I don't think we should be making this choice for another person. I also don't think it's something that should continue to be done just because it was done to the generation before, especially considering the history as to how it became so prevalent in this country (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_male_circumcision#Male_circumcision_to_prevent_masturbation).

If you would, please read this as well: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201109/myths-about-circumcision-you-likely-believe

Here is a thread of mothers who regret circumcising their sons. It was started in 2004 and is still going and is now at 35 pages: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/112410/if-you-regret-circumcising-your-son-s-please-post-here

Here is a Facebook page of people who change their mind about circumcision in the middle of having kids : https://www.facebook.com/FutureSons (just hit "Close" to go to the page)

I know you are an open minded person so please just take some time to think about all of this and let me know when you are ready to talk.

Love,
Wife"


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## Hugh Intactive

I have opened a circumcision regret page at http://www.circumstitions.com/regret.html and am looking for first-person accounts to populate it. I'd rather people offered material than I cut-and-paste it without asking.

Can you please send them to me at [email protected]
or post them on my Facebook page



__ https://www.facebook.com/intactive/posts/601172086633337


Hugh Young

www.circumstitions.com


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## ashleybess

I think about and mourn my son being circumcised often, but I am feeling especially horrible about it today and so decided to get on here and share my story.

We have sort of a unique regret story. When I was pregnant I assumed I would circumcise - like many, I thought it was just "what you do". My husband is cut and I didn't know anything about the damage it does - I believed it was just an extraneous part of the body.

I began to research and became very defensive for a time once I discovered my ignorance. Slowly, I was able to get past my ego and come around and had firmly decided not to circ by my third trimester. My husband is wonderful and it was easy to get him on board.

Then my son was born (one month premature) and it felt like everything went out the window. His birth was horrible and traumatic for both of us, and he was born with a moderate case of hypospadias (where the opening of his urethra was underneath the head of his penis) and a hooded foreskin that was not fully developed. The doctor in the NICU assured us it was easily correctable by surgery, and told us not to circumcise (we were clear we weren't planning on it anyway) because the foreskin was used in the restoration process.

A couple months later, we had our first appointment with the urologist. When I questioned the removal of my son's foreskin and whether we should just leave his condition alone until he was old enough to decide for himself, he acted like I was crazy and said if it was his son, there would be no question in his mind whether to get the surgery done. I did some net research and discovered the only surgeons who use a procedure that does not involve removing the foreskin are in the UK. Of course, we didn't have the money to travel there. I posted on MDC and some said leave it alone, others said they had the surgery and seemed to think the benefits outweighed the cost.

I agonized over this. If we were to leave his genitals alone, I wondered how he would feel when he became conscious that his penis was significantly different from other boys', when he couldn't pee standing up, and how he would feel when he reached adolescence and later, and whether it would cause psychological issues etc. and whether he'd wish we'd just corrected it when he was a baby. But I also agonized over the loss of his foreskin, even underdeveloped as it was.

In the end, we decided to go ahead with the surgery. I (however timidly) conveyed to the surgeon that I'd like him to leave as much of the foreskin as he could, but he didn't really listen. Now he has a "normal" circumcised penis but I so wish I'd been a stronger advocate for my son.

Now my son is 4 and I feel so much guilt over him being circumcised. My husband believes we did the best we could given the situation, and some days I believe that and some days I don't. This is one of those days and I can't stop crying and feeling guilty. I love my son so much. I just wanted to do what was best for him and I don't know whether I did. I feel like it's all my fault because I drank soy milk almost every morning with cereal during my first trimester before I found out about its estrogenic effects, and I wonder if that's what caused the hypospadias (though I also found out it runs in my husband's family - but me consuming all that soy certainly didn't help I'm sure!).


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## vachi73

Aw, ashleybess, I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. Parenting is hard. I can tell how much you love your son and want only the best for him. Please, try to forgive yourself -- you absolutely did nothing to cause his condition (much more likely to have been genetic, but that doesn't mean it's your husband's "fault" either -- just very unfortunate). When he is old enough, just tell him the truth, and be confident that you made the best decision you could given the circumstances.

Again, HUGS to you!!! And chin up!


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## J.T.

*A third option for the circumcision decision*

If you are coming at this from a Judeo-Christian perspective, you may find the Kindle book, "Biblical Circumcision vs. Modern Circumcision" very informative and helpful. That Amazon Kindle book reports on a lot of research and posits a surprising third option, which may well have been what Michaelangelo depicted on his statue of David.


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## contactmaya

You should clarify what you are talking about. Your post makes no sense at all. There is no third option. Its either intact, or cut off. Maybe you are referring to a symbolic circumcision, then say so, and define what you mean....cant stand wafflers....


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## PapasMama

My, my, this is quite the bandwagon. Does anyone here have a mind of their own? For all of the people on here who have used God's name in their posts, they all seem to have forgotten that it was God who first commanded Abraham to circumcise himself, his sons and his tribe, lest they be "cut off" from their people! And to those who think the Old Testament is null and void, Jesus himself was circumcised and spoke of it agreeably in the New Testament. So you can all say what you want to say and do what you want to do, but I'll take God's word into consideration long before a human being's. I'm really surprised that so many of you have either forgotten that or just don't care. My son is circumcised, as is my husband, and so will my next son be. To each their own. Medical problems can happen with any procedure that is done, and that is just a fact. It is certainly sad when it is a person's genitals that are negatively affected, but there are many other tragic medical issues that plague people too. I've yet to run across a forum on this site on the woes of the genital mutilation that women suffer in the middle east, having their clitorises removed so they can't even have an orgasm, while men here complain about their orgasm not being as spectacular as they would like it to be. Now that's a tragedy. :crying:


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## joandsarah77

PapasMama said:


> My, my, this is quite the bandwagon. Does anyone here have a mind of their own? For all of the people on here who have used God's name in their posts, they all seem to have forgotten that it was God who first commanded Abraham to circumcise himself, his sons and his tribe, lest they be "cut off" from their people! And to those who think the Old Testament is null and void, Jesus himself was circumcised and spoke of it agreeably in the New Testament. So you can all say what you want to say and do what you want to do, but I'll take God's word into consideration long before a human being's. I'm really surprised that so many of you have either forgotten that or just don't care. My son is circumcised, as is my husband, and so will my next son be. To each their own. Medical problems can happen with any procedure that is done, and that is just a fact. It is certainly sad when it is a person's genitals that are negatively affected, but there are many other tragic medical issues that plague people too. I've yet to run across a forum on this site on the woes of the genital mutilation that women suffer in the middle east, having their clitorises removed so they can't even have an orgasm, while men here complain about their orgasm not being as spectacular as they would like it to be. Now that's a tragedy.


You need to study God's word more and to also understand that the way God commanded Abraham to circumcise himself and future sons looks nothing like an American hospital circumcision. The whole point of being circumcised was a form of sacrifice with the shedding of a few drops of blood. Just the very end was snipped, they didn't have probes which forcibly detached the attached skin on their 8 day old babies. In fact if they had tried to perform circumcisions the way it is done in US hospitals nearly every baby would have died as they did not have the equipment. The form of circumcision you now see in the US came about because John Harvey Kellogg lead the way to prevent boys from masturbating because he knew removing the whole or nearly the whole foreskin would reduce sexual pleasure. It had nothing to do with what God had commanded and was instead a perversion of God's truth. How often has man done that? God gave man a foreskin for sex, he didn't design it that way to remove it all, he just wanted them to show an outward sign of their faith among the pagan nations. If you read up about the early Olympics you will see some Jewish men tried to pull down their foreskins to try and look Greek. You can't do that with a full hospital circumcision. You might also want to read the New Testament and see that circumcision is of the heart and in the body it avails a man not. We are no longer under the old system of sacrifice but rather a sacrifice of our lives to Christ. I hope you decide to research this over prayerfully.

I am so sorry to the mamma's on here who are going through such heart ache.


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## hakunangovi

PapasMama said:


> My, my, this is quite the bandwagon. Does anyone here have a mind of their own? For all of the people on here who have used God's name in their posts, they all seem to have forgotten that it was God who first commanded Abraham to circumcise himself, his sons and his tribe, lest they be "cut off" from their people! And to those who think the Old Testament is null and void, Jesus himself was circumcised and spoke of it agreeably in the New Testament. So you can all say what you want to say and do what you want to do, but I'll take God's word into consideration long before a human being's. I'm really surprised that so many of you have either forgotten that or just don't care. My son is circumcised, as is my husband, and so will my next son be. To each their own. Medical problems can happen with any procedure that is done, and that is just a fact. It is certainly sad when it is a person's genitals that are negatively affected, but there are many other tragic medical issues that plague people too. I've yet to run across a forum on this site on the woes of the genital mutilation that women suffer in the middle east, having their clitorises removed so they can't even have an orgasm, while men here complain about their orgasm not being as spectacular as they would like it to be. Now that's a tragedy. :crying:


Wow! I prefer to believe that God or natural evolution, or whatever version of creation you believe in, did not make a mistake. Men are born with foreskins for a reason. If I ever decide to make a sacrifice I would rather it be on my terms and not forced on me by someone else. In fact as a guy who was circumcised in infancy I'm mad as hell that I was robbed of my foreskin! As for your comments on FGM - what's the difference? Genital mutilation is genital mutilation. The sex of the victim is immaterial.


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## Dave RW

PapasMama said:


> My, my, this is quite the bandwagon. Does anyone here have a mind of their own? For all of the people on here who have used God's name in their posts, they all seem to have forgotten that it was God who first commanded Abraham to circumcise himself, his sons and his tribe, lest they be "cut off" from their people! And to those who think the Old Testament is null and void, Jesus himself was circumcised and spoke of it agreeably in the New Testament. So you can all say what you want to say and do what you want to do, but I'll take God's word into consideration long before a human being's. I'm really surprised that so many of you have either forgotten that or just don't care. My son is circumcised, as is my husband, and so will my next son be. To each their own. Medical problems can happen with any procedure that is done, and that is just a fact. It is certainly sad when it is a person's genitals that are negatively affected, but there are many other tragic medical issues that plague people too. I've yet to run across a forum on this site on the woes of the genital mutilation that women suffer in the middle east, having their clitorises removed so they can't even have an orgasm, while men here complain about their orgasm not being as spectacular as they would like it to be. Now that's a tragedy. :crying:


PapasMama, as a newbie to commenting myself, I don't want to overstep, but I'll hope you'll notice that:
1) Mothering.com has a widely divergent group of faiths represented. An Appeal to Authority Conveniently Forgetting Paul) is unlikely to persude much of the readership.
1a) Dude I knew in high school took it upon himself to convert me to Christianity based on my "Jewish" (actually, Germanic) last name. He and I were on the cross-country team; upon discovering that I was uncircumcised one day after a particularly muddy practice when we had to shower at the school gym versus going home stinky, he decided I was still in need of saving from my obviously incorrect version of Christianity, because, foreskin, again conveniently forgetting Paul.
1b) Does it give you the willies that there are uncircumcised Christians like me out there?
1c) Dude mentioned in 1a) eventually came to (what I think is) a more accepting version of Christianity, and, in one particularly infamous incident while I home from college, took the "over" in whether I would be able to stuff more than $3.00 of quarters under my foreskin, and was rewarded for it.
2) Your comment, "to each their own," seems to extend the possibility that it is okay to be uncircumcised, but that interpretation seems to be contraindicated by the rest of your comment. Reminds me of a guy I worked with who's wife was pregnant and took it upon himself to announce to a bunch of us having beers after work that while he and his nine-year-old son were circumcised, and his unborn son #2 wouid be circumcised, he had no issue with guys who were uncircumicsed. Fast forward two weeks when he, his nine-year old son, the same bunch of us, and our sons had played an absurdly intense series of pick-up basketball at the base gym and decided to shower there before decamping to a friend's house for a cookout. The gym had gang showers and the dads agreed that it would be okay for everyone to shower together. Dude goes ballistic when he sees I'm uncircumcised; he had only agreed that I could shower in front of his son because he knew I was a deer-hunting, pickup-driving-in-high-school, skinny dipping from railroad trestles guy and that obviously meant that I was circumcised. I think that the bare-assed argument I had with him (along with another uncirumcised co-worker he hadn't yet noticed) probably damaged his son more than his seeing my foreskin.


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## Dia

Papas mama, 

I find it ironic that you express disgust at female circumsion and defend male circumsion. Both are cruel acts of sexual assault. 

But as you are coming at this from your particular brand of religion that you have aligned yourself with, probably nothing we say will have any impact.

I'm sorry for your sons and I encourage you to broaden your mind.


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## Galatea

PapasMama said:


> My, my, this is quite the bandwagon. Does anyone here have a mind of their own? For all of the people on here who have used God's name in their posts, they all seem to have forgotten that it was God who first commanded Abraham to circumcise himself, his sons and his tribe, lest they be "cut off" from their people! And to those who think the Old Testament is null and void, Jesus himself was circumcised and spoke of it agreeably in the New Testament. So you can all say what you want to say and do what you want to do, but I'll take God's word into consideration long before a human being's. I'm really surprised that so many of you have either forgotten that or just don't care. My son is circumcised, as is my husband, and so will my next son be. To each their own. Medical problems can happen with any procedure that is done, and that is just a fact. It is certainly sad when it is a person's genitals that are negatively affected, but there are many other tragic medical issues that plague people too. I've yet to run across a forum on this site on the woes of the genital mutilation that women suffer in the middle east, having their clitorises removed so they can't even have an orgasm, while men here complain about their orgasm not being as spectacular as they would like it to be. Now that's a tragedy. :crying:


It never ceases to amaze me when people use their religion to try to convince others, and even more so, when they don't even know their own religion very well.

You should extend "to each their own" to your children.


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## cynthia mosher

I have removed a few posts made to this thread that contained attacking comments. If you cannot post with respectful sharing of information and disagreement then you will be removed from the forum.

The Case Against Circumcision does not accept posts of religious debate. If you would like to discuss such topics it may be appropriate in the Religious Studies forum or in a thread devoted to followers of a particular faith who wish to discuss application of teachings of their fath. But in this forum it is inappropriate and not something we wish to host so let's please end the discussion of religion here.


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## PitBullMom

contactmaya said:


> You should clarify what you are talking about. Your post makes no sense at all. There is no third option.* Its either intact, or cut off. *Maybe you are referring to a symbolic circumcision, then say so, and define what you mean....cant stand wafflers....


Actually, no it's not. There is a third option, where the foreskin is partially removed. A family member made this decision for his son. The end portion of the foreskin was removed, about 25% of it, instead of all of it. Not what we are choosing for our son, but it's an option.


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## PitBullMom

PapasMama said:


> I've yet to run across a forum on this site on the woes of the genital mutilation that women suffer in the middle east, having their clitorises removed so they can't even have an orgasm, while men here complain about their orgasm not being as spectacular as they would like it to be. Now that's a tragedy.


Possibly because in most of the developed world, female genital mutilation is illegal... sadly, male genital mutilation is accepted, if not encouraged.

To many people, BOTH are abhorrent.


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## Galatea

PitBullMom said:


> Actually, no it's not. There is a third option, where the foreskin is partially removed. A family member made this decision for his son. The end portion of the foreskin was removed, about 25% of it, instead of all of it. Not what we are choosing for our son, but it's an option.


Aside from the ethical problems with removing any percentage of foreskin, there are physical complications with this, too: 
http://www.moralogous.com/2012/02/18/he-doesnt-even-look-circumcised/


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## PitBullMom

I don't agree with the procedure, I was just pointing out that it's not necessarily "all or none" when it's performed. The idea behind the partial is that most of the foreskin is left intact, so the glans is covered, but the part that extends past the glans is removed so that there is less skin to cause possible "problems."

Again, I didn't say that I support this particular option, just that it's out there and some people are choosing it.


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## contactmaya

PitBullMom said:


> I don't agree with the procedure, I was just pointing out that it's not necessarily "all or none" when it's performed. The idea behind the partial is that most of the foreskin is left intact, so the glans is covered, but the part that extends past the glans is removed so that there is less skin to cause possible "problems."
> 
> Again, I didn't say that I support this particular option, just that it's out there and some people are choosing it.


So what. 
Both options are a violation of bodily integrity on a defenseless infant. It really doesnt matter how many different kinds of penis cutting there are, none of them should be allowed except on a consenting adult.


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## Galatea

PitBullMom said:


> I don't agree with the procedure, I was just pointing out that it's not necessarily "all or none" when it's performed. The idea behind the partial is that most of the foreskin is left intact, so the glans is covered, but the part that extends past the glans is removed so that there is less skin to cause possible "problems."
> 
> Again, I didn't say that I support this particular option, just that it's out there and some people are choosing it.


But it removes the dartos muscle which holds the foreskin shut, and the ridged band, which provides much of the sensory awesomeness of the foreskin... And it's still non consensual amputation. As they say, there is no right way to do a wrong thing.


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## PitBullMom

And again....

*I do not agree with either procedure. *

I was correcting your comment that the foreskin is either _all there_ or _all gone_. Because that is inaccurate; there is a procedure that removes only part of the foreskin.

In my opinion - and evidently yours too - ANY removal of ANY part of the foreskin should be_ only with the consent of the person who owns that foreskin_. And until that person is eighteen, they can't give that consent.


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## contactmaya

I stand corrected. Instead of saying ' " Its either intact, or cut off,", I should have said "its either intact, _cut_, or cut off..."

I think we agree, that anyway you cut it, its a violation except in a case of true consent. We agree on that!


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## BrokeMom

I am a regret mom. I bought into all the myths I heard growing up and never researched the procedure (or the Bible) myself. I regret consenting to it. Our third son is intact and healthy. Also, he is my happiest baby. Coincidence? Hmm....


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## hakunangovi

BrokeMom said:


> I am a regret mom. I bought into all the myths I heard growing up and never researched the procedure (or the Bible) myself. I regret consenting to it. Our third son is intact and healthy. Also, he is my happiest baby. Coincidence? Hmm....


I don't believe that is a coincidence - it is well known that the trauma of circumcision can often disrupt breastfeeding. A person's implicit memory begins in their mother's womb and everything that baby is exposed to leaves a trace on it's brain. So, no trauma results in a peaceful, happy baby.


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## Brother K.

*Ancient superstition violates human rights*

All babies, boys and girls alike, have a fundamental right to a normal body, unaltered by genital surgery, a brutal, sexual violation of another human being's body. American doctors have bowed down to a cruel superstition and betrayed American parents. The Royal Dutch Medical Association puts it bluntly in their official policy statement: "The official viewpoint of KNMG and other related medical/scientific organisations is that non-therapeutic circumcision of male minors is a violation of children's rights to autonomy and physical integrity. Contrary to popular belief, circumcision can cause complications - bleeding, infection, urethral stricture and panic attacks are particularly common. KNMG is therefore urging a strong policy of deterrence. KNMG is calling upon doctors to actively and insistently inform parents who are considering the procedure of the absence of medical benefits and the danger of complications." 
http://knmg.artsennet.nl/Publicatie...rapeutic-circumcision-of-male-minors-2010.htm


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## konakai

My son recently asked me if he was circumcised and I said Yes. I had no idea how much this would affect him mentally. He must have read it on the internet or something because all he can say is I mutilated him. There's nothing I can do to relieve his anger towards me and I accept that. I had asked several people I knew who had young sons and they all did it. All the men I knew had it done and I knew of a friend's baby who wasn't done at birth but got a bad infection and had to do it when he was around 6 months old. She said it was horrible. Also, my husband is from Europe and wasn't done at birth. He is now deformed on the back side of his penis. He told me when he was a teenager he got a horrible, painful infection and had surgery. Well, either too much skin was infected or they botched it. I thought at the time I made the right decision. Now, knowing how my son feels, I deeply regret it. I can't un-do it and he reminds me that's why he's so bitter and "pissed off". He's 13 and I hope will someday forgive me because living a life full of anger is not good. He also is a very lazy kid, defiant, often angry (even before this) and a loner. I have to nag him to even take a shower and his hair often smells bad, which means he doesn't use the best hygiene. I can't imagine how bad it would be if he got an infection at this age and had to have it cut. I guess if I had known the original method was different than what they do in America, then I wouldn't have done it. This will be one of my biggest regrets in life:frown: I've scarred him physically and emotionally and probably ruined our mother-son relationship for life!


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## mare54

He's thirteen snd just grappling with becoming a teenager so I'm sure a lot is going on in his mind and body. Finding out about circumcision can be emotionally confusing snd with the internet so convenient ...... It is a more common occurrence these days. Parents will need to be ready to answer some questions. Tell him your story...... We're you lied to about benefits of it? We're you pressured into doing it? Did you really know how serious of a decision it was? Everyone has a story snd they need to tell it snd apologize to their sons. Heartfelt apologies can be very healing. Let him do his processing of this in his own way..... Just let him know you will be there when he wants to talk about it. I'm sure the minute he likes a girl...... His hygiene will greatly improve! It's part of growing up. Good luck.


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## hakunangovi

Konakai, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this totally unexpected and uncomfortable situation. At least you gave the decision some thought before going ahead and having your son circumcised. So many people get sucked in by the prevalence of it in North American society. Every male they know is cut, so it must be O.K. Right? The other side of it is all the stories of men and boys who had to have it done. This is a result of the extreme ignorance in our medical profession about normal intact male genitalia. All the doctors know about a foreskin is to whack it off. The question needs to be asked - "What would you do for a girl?" In Finland the statistic is that only one man in over 16,600 will die without his foreskin. And yet here they treat it like a ticking bomb. I am puzzled as to what happened to your husband because in Europe an infection would be treated with antibiotics, not surgery. 

The bottom line to this is that you were fed a whole lot of erroneous information. I think Mare54's post above is perfect - once your son knows that you felt you were making the best decision based on the information that you had; that it was not a malicious act, hopefully he will understand.

I, too am a circumcised guy who is pissed that it was done to me, but I don't blame my parents, other than to say that I wish they had given it more thought and stepped back to see just what a bizarre custom it is. I do blame an unethical medical system that perpetuates it.


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## hakunangovi

Konakai, I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are making out? There is video on Utube of a mother apologizing to her son. Maybe there are some pointers in it that could help you. You sound like a very concerned and loving mother, and I can tell that your heart is in the right place.


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## amymom23

When our son was born 8 years ago, I was leaning towards not circumcising. My husband wasn't adamant, but he was leaning towards doing it, so we did. We both deeply regret it. He has had many issues with pain, and adhesions. Once it's done, it can't be undone!


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## Unforgiving

I have read the first few pages but just wish to say this:


I am one of those sons that some have claimed will forgive you because you "did what you thought was best" and because "you are my mother I will love you no matter what". Let me state this clearly....I DO NOT FORGIVE MY MOTHER. I HATE HER GUTS WITH A PASSION. and I know of others that think this way.

one point that isnt touched on about circumcision(rape and mutilation) topics, is the bond between mother and child. you
see that child is looking very much forward to seeing you. Like all mammals babies that are new born wish to snuggle up to mom and suck on her breasts. in the case of humans they also really want dad to deliever them as well and share a special bonding moment with the two parents before sucking on mom, burping, and passing out. It may not sound like much, but to the newborn infant they are indeed thinking "This is sweet, sweet, heaven on earth. I am in bliss."


this bond however gets shattered when we break from God's(nature's if you prefer), naturally designed system. instead the love the child feels for you because mother and newborn son naturally love each other, is broken. THe baby when mutilated and raped screams "MOTHER WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME????". the bond is then forever broken. you will never in a million years ever love and be loved back by your son the way God and nature intended. you are no longer the guardian angel, you are a guardian devil. You know longer hold your child as he thinks "This is sweet, sweet, heaven on earth. I am in bliss.". no you hold a child that screams up to heaven and cries to a just God "MOTHER WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME???". indeed if there be a just God that rules over all creation, your infant's screams do damn you.



the new bond is one out of a need for survival. you see despite the horrific injury of rape and mutilation....the new born still has a desire to survive. so survive the newborn will at least those that dont die during the raping and mutilating. the ones that survive this monsterous act, will go on to want to survive. they rather than naturally looking forward to mommy and daddy, they will learn to love them to survive. rather than seeing you as the ones that gave me life, i see you as the ones i used to survive. to that end I will coo and ahh with you. I will use you to learn to talk, to walk, and all the other things needed to live. rather than a beacon of love, you are a beacon of a neccessary evil needed to survive.

I do not think you taught me these things because you loved me after all i cried "MOTHER WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME???" to
which you shrugged your shoulders. Even worse, you whispered in my ear, "I do this because I love you" O foolish fool, I
hate to see your enemies. THe one you claim was born perfect and precious, you say that to me daily, yet I was only perfect after you paid a pedophile to have sex with me and scar my manhood for life. So no I stole these things so I could survive because I am a survivor and I will live on, and that sick freak that raped me, will get his due justice, and mother you deserve to rot with him. BUt I cannot be blamed, I never knew a guardian angel as spoken of in all these mother's day cards and songs, no, I only know my guardian devil.

to those sons that do forgive, I merely think they havent completely embraced the evil that was done to them. I Dont think they see it as getting raped and mutilated. I dont think they see it as total betrayal of the sacred bond between mother and child. I think they still see it as society sees it, a choice to be made by the parents. they dont think theyve been raped, they dont think their virginity was taken at a day old, they dont think their first sexual experience was that of a sick perverted baby and doctor bondage scene, but no they still see it innocently as a choice. no there was no choice nor was there ever....unless you consider this a choice "Ma'am and sir, may I take your baby and rape and mutilate him, later on get off on this experience because I am a pedophile? and afterwards Im going to sell his foreskin for a lot of profit too. Oh and Please stick around and buy some lovely anti-aging cream, It is made from your baby's blood, tears, and screams. You see it is a much better use of his forskin." if you consider that a choice, then its a choice. but instead we ask "Are you circumcusing your son?" see how much nicer that sounds? so these forgiving sons still call it circumcision, but I call it the work of a sick pedophile who enjoyed having sex with me as a new born. and I now know when asked by bishops was I abstaining from premarital sex and I said yes....I was lieing for I had already had sex once before a very long time ago.

so no I do not forgive, nor does she deserve it.

and now I know when I do watch porn, why i find bondage so erotic and hot....I am merely reenacting my infancy. 

the ones in this thread that deserve it, are those that are truly repentent of it, they have been brought to tears with
Godly sorrow, they seek to change this barbaric act. they learned and are indeed wiser. to you I thank, and your stories have been heart wrenching.

know this...I am that anger that cries out against you for betraying your sons. Even those that are too docile to cry out in anger....For the same reason we cut the balls off of dogs to make them calmer....so the same effect is with humans that lose a part of their manhood. I am that anger that that poor dog who did become tamer and more docile is expressing. I represent it. I am a part of it. I did not become tamer or more docile. I came in touch with an anger that would blow this planet to parts if given the chance. I am wroth with anger. 99% of men that get raped and mutilated and nearly castrated become tame and docile like a good little doggy, I however became feral and wild. I became worse, a thing that is to be feared, much more so than had I been left alone. the world will know my wrath. so yes just because your son forgives, know he is acting no more forgiving than the poor dog who's balls you cut off, he acts docile and tame out of fear for if you cut off his balls he fears what else you may do to him. so it is with your forgiving sons. but I fear you not, and you will know my wrath.


maybe it wont be me personally that gets to you, and though i write it from comfort of the annouymous internet. I swear before I die, the world will hear my scream. Even the scream of all those that like me became feral and wild. FOr I am the
demon that was created in innocence of circumcision, I am now longer human. I am a demon in a huamn's body. I am a half
demon half human monster. I cast off my humanity, I embrace my darkness. I am your precious little baby boy. I am the demon you held in your arms. I stare back at you and reflect your dark heart. I am the eternal wrath and horror and I come for you all.


yet I still have a memory....for but 9-10 months in my mothers womb, and for maybe one or two hours....I was indeed a human. Foolish child, thought his birth was done when he breathed his first breathe of life and cried, o foolish child of two humans, ye did not want a human baby, thus my birth was not done until i met my dear friend Doctor Pedophile. In that moment my humanity died. I became the eternal anger and horror. I became a demon. I became a monster and I am your precious little boy, and I do come at you with the wrath of the souls of the damned. Dear mother, you were my world, and you shattered it. And now your precious little boy is all grown up and can speak unto himself. O wo is you mother for you are the object of my wrath. Wo is you dear mother, You are and always will be my world, and my world knows nothing but evil and now that evil is returned unto you. I return to you now mother with the wrath of hell, of anger, of evil, of demons, it is yours and I am yours and we shall be one.

I am your creation. I am your son. I am your flesh and blood. All that I am is because of you dear mother. All that i will ever be is because of you. I am the very thing your son is to scared to show you, for this is the darkness that lies at his heart. 

All men who confront circumcision uncensored, will find this darkness. They will find me, Satan for I am pleased with your actions, and I do wait for them, and you have made them ripe for me. I Satan, did whisper into your ears, and you did give them to me and I have made them my own. Thus saith me, the Devil.

Signed,

your precious little baby boy.


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## MichelleZB

I don't know if I'm out of line here, but I think the above post is a bit inflammatory and should be removed. To me, this place is a thread where parents who regret circumcision can come and find some healing. They know better now and want to help campaign for no more circumcision for other children.

Above poster, I'm sorry they cut off bits of your penis when you were a baby. It sucks a lot and I couldn't be more against it. I didn't do it to my own son--he is intact.

But you're going to have to find some way to live with your injury. A lot of people have some bodily deformity. My mother, for instance, has use of only one leg. It is possible to live your life anyway.

I think your issues with your mother must be bigger than the circumcision thing. My husband was cut too but otherwise had a loving relationship with his mother and has forgiven her for having him cut. She did what she thought was best, and although he would prefer to have a foreskin, he has still been able to live his life.

There are moms on this thread who will have more children, and will keep those children intact. They can't think that their relationships with their cut sons are irreparably damaged. I just don't think that's true.


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## hakunangovi

MichelleZB said:


> I don't know if I'm out of line here, but I think the above post is a bit inflammatory .
> There are moms on this thread who will have more children, and will keep those children intact. They can't think that their relationships with their cut sons are irreparably damaged. I just don't think that's true.


I agree that it is rather harsh. I am a guy who has spent most of his life feeling really pissed that I was robbed of my foreskin. I think the difference between living with a deformity and a cut penis is that the former is inevitably due to either genetics or an accident. A circumcision is done with intent. I had a great relationship with my mother. I realize that she was the victim of bad advice, and without so much as access to a library had no way to counter that advice. I do feel disappointed and wish that she had stepped back and considered the plan objectively. Maybe asked some pointed questions. When one does that, then the notion of cutting bits off the genitalia of a newborn baby suddenly seems bizarre. I find it interesting how being circumcised affects some men and not others. I have two brothers. One could not care less, while the other is also quite upset at loosing his foreskin too. However, we all loved our mother dearly.


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## robertat

Another regretter here. I was 16 when my son was born and there was still that theory that it was cleaner and healthier going around. And my mom was a nurse and was adament he be circ'd because of that, what did I know so I did it. All of the men in mine and dh's family are circ'd also so I figured it couldn't be that bad.


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## mare54

You can't go back..... Only forward....... So when we know better ... We can do better ..... And you both are! Just be sure you follow proper intact care which is not taught to American medical doctors....... In fact most of them know practically nothing about the functions of natural foreskin. Never retract your son....... It is never necessary to pull the foreskin back to clean under it in children. In fact premature retraction disturbs and often tears the natural adhesions causing pain and sometimes infection which you don't want! Average age of natural retraction is age ten so no messing with the foreskin...... Only clean what is seen. Be sure to pass on proper intact care pointers to your relatives too. Good for you for acknowledging what is wrong with circumcising children!


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## Night_Nurse

Bump


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## sourworms

Hello,

Another man who grew up with the betrayal of genital mutilation.

I cut out my entire family and have no intention of ever rejoining. Genital cutting cultures are sexually violent and corrupt.

To prey upon children and babies is unforgivable.

For all of the regret mothers: If I were you I would beg my child for forgiveness every day and act to make the world a better place for them. You violated their most sensitive parts and betrayed their trust. Anything short of repairing the harm is unacceptable imo.

Your tears and fears won't heal the damage. Act. Call out everyone who pushed for this. The medical industry, family, neighbors, friends, religious leaders, politicians. They are the sexual predators of our society.

Genital mutilation is a form of genocide. It directly impacts the sexual future and well-being of an individual.

If you weren't strong enough to stand up for your offspring before it's not too late to do it now.



https://www.circumcisionisafraud.com/







Home: Foregen is Regenerating Foreskins


Foregen is the world’s first and only organization using regenerative medicine to regrow the foreskin for circumcised men.




www.foregen.org


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