# Photos



## littleteapot

I'm just curious... of those who lost a child after birth, or as a stillbirth - how many have photos? Do you make them available for others to see? (in a signature, in a photo album or webpage).

Before I lost my son, I always thought it was creepy to have photographs of stillbirths. I never liked to see them, especially since all the ones I'd viewed were quite... graphic. I don't know how else to describe it. I always wanted a warning first.
But now it's different. I have over 20 photos of my son on my computer. Most of them are just many different angles of the same image. My friend took almost all of them while I was still unconscious. The one in my sig was probably taken _just_ as he was passing. They bring me so much comfort now. I always want DH to tell me everything about how he looked all over again. It's not as though I didn't know; I have pictures and I held him, but DH held him while he was alive and I guess I expect him to have looked a lot different.

I have a lock of hair and handprints, too. His hair was as long at birth as my daughter's was at 8-9 months old. And he was early. I always wonder if it would have been down to his shoulders if he was born 6 weeks later.

One of my closest friends was there, too. She just happened to be visiting when I went into labour. She told me later that she saw him move his arms just after birth. That means so much to me I can't even describe it.

I want to share his images with my family and friends but at the same time I hesitate because I remember how I used to feel about viewing them. But so far, my friends and family have wanted to see... do you share yours, if you have them?

ETA: I guess this is also saying that I'd like to see, if you're willing to share. Now it kind of helps, in a way.


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## DreamsInDigital

Oh dear mama Babs. You were in my DDC and I have wept over little Jericho more times than I want to admit in a public forum. I've always felt that when mommies share something of their lost ones, a picture or a poem or a memorial website, that we can all honor them by never forgetting them and have looked at your angel in his daddy's arms so many times. It brings tears to my eyes every single time. I'm totally rambling but I just want you to know that I care and that I have wept for him and that I thank you for sharing him with me. I know you have mixed feelings about the new baby but I wish you well during this pregnancy. Be good to yourself dear.







for baby Jericho


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## chrissy

Jericho is just beautiful.









I have not had a stillbirth but I do always look at the pictures when mamas post them. I want to see, just as I would want to see a picture of somebody's baby who got to live.


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## Debstmomy

I have a large picture on my bookshelf, along with our reg family portrait. I have a memory book available as well. I carry a pic in my car, in my visor. So to answer your question, I display her picture everywhere. It is the first one in my series in the link below.
For me it is important to share her image, so those do not forget.


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## AllyRae

We have a bunch of "professional" pictures that the hospital took of Ry in black and white--probably 5 or 6 (kind of sad that I consider that a "bunch" when I have 5 or 6 thousand pictures of Brandon)--we have them around our house in frames. Anywhere a picture of Brandon is, his little brother's picture is. We have some colored ones DH took, that I just have on my hard drive. Ry's b&w pictures are also on his site: http://rylandjosefwilliamshardell.me...com/about.aspx and http://www.rylandshope.com


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## DreamsInDigital

Cristina and Ally, I've clicked on the links in your signatures many times, weeping over your little angels and wondering at the unfairness of your losses. I've talked to my family about your angels and how sad I am for them and for you, I've wept for them and I've wept for you and your pain and sadness. I wish I had words to tell you all how I feel for you and your lost ones. I just want you to know that I care and thank you for sharing your angels and their stories.


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## PortraitPixie

Mammas, words do not adequately express how deeply I feel for you and your family.







Your babies are absolutely beautiful.

I wanted to post a website that specializes in berievement (sp?) photography...prof. photographers volunteer their time to take beautiful, professional pictures of the baby and family together. These photographers are located all around the country. I have weeped thru this website a few times. I have read that the parents are not even sure that they want the photos done first, but later treasure and cherish them. I just wanted to share this website and the beautiful work that they offer.

http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com/

I wish you all peace and healing.


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## rozzie'sma

I usually do not post in this forum as I have never had to experience the loss of a child and I do not feel that I could really be of comfort to the mamas who have. But I have never thought posting a picture of a child who has passed is creepy. These babies are your children. They are beautiful and special and should be shared with the world just as much as living children. I always look at the pictures that are posted just like of living babies. My heart aches that they are not able to be held on earth, but they are still wonderful souls who have touched the lives of others if only for a brief time


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## coralsmom

we have three photos of coral, the nurse at the hospital took them. we brought 4 different cameras to the hospital, but when we found out she had died, i don't know, the whole entire plan just fell through the floor and we never used the cameras. honestly, i didn't know it was ok to take a picture of a baby that had died. it is something i will always regret, one of many things i didn't do that night that i wish i had...
i have showed my mom and dad, my husband's mom, my sister and her husband, and that's it. i am very protective of her image. i cannot stand even the slightest possibility that someone would judge how she looked, so i have to feel like i totally trust the person not to react in any way but love for her. i often WANT to show her picture, but i will usually change my mind. i have a picture of her in my wallet, and next to my bed. we have a large picture of the 3 of us at her wake. our family portrait. she is covered in a blanket, and i don't mind showing it to anyone. the thing is, i think coral was/is a beautiful baby. the 3 images of her were kind of quickly taken, not much thought went into how she looked in them... i am just thankful to have any image of her. i see other pictures here of these gorgeous little babies, they look peaceful and as if they are only sleeping. coral looks serious and concerned in her photo!! so sweet, though, so so sweet.
i also have a wierd feeling about a picture floating around in cyberspace. i have considered linking to photos sometimes, but since i can't control just who sees the image, i just can't do it.

i wish i could show you all her picture. if you were in my home, i would probably show them to any of you. maybe. i don't know! i am so protective of them! i am grateful when i see other photos that mom's have chosen to share. i fall in love with those babies when i see them. before coral died, i had never seen a baby that died, in a picture or anything. this summer i had a friend talk about seeing photos of her friend's baby that had died, and she said it was 'wierd' to look at the photos. after that, i would NEVER show them to friends. they would never understand it. and i wouldn't want to end up hating them forever for thinking my daughter's photo was wierd...


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## aileen

i don't think i can say it any better than lydia and chrissy who posted above. i feel the same way.
i think this is the hardest post i've ever written.
i had lost so much hope, but this shared sadness is evolving into something almost beautiful for me. these pictures of your sweet children allow me to imagine my lost hope into being, to pour pour pour out tears, and to carry names, faces, families within myself.
you are fillling my emptiness with memories.
i never would have dreamed this, that a picture of a little girl and her sweet lost baby sister would help me heal, help me understand, help me grow. make me a better mother. never would have.
thank you for posting this. and for posting links to photos. tomorrow i will ask my good friend to see pictures of her two lost sons. their names ride bouncing along in my heart as i walk, along with the names of your babies, and i want sweet tiny faces to go with them.
i'm so sorry and so sad for you.


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## mama4gals

Oh my dear mamas, the pictures of your babies are so beautiful and sweet and so incredibly sad. I am so moved by all these posts.

Littleteapot, how are you feeling? You have been in my thoughts.

Liz


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## mimi_n_tre

I have Jase's picture in my signature. These are the only real things I really have to show that I was pregnant and had a baby. I was quite a bit earlier than some but he was a perfect baby in every way. The only thing is that he was dead for 3 weeks before I delivered, but he still looked good after I delivered him. I've heard that the amniotic fluid sort of preserves them....

I could care less about what anyone would have to say about my child and his picture. I figure it this way, there are many people in this world who have obtained or were born with disfigurations that are much more *graphic* than I believe my son was. Many people laugh or stare at these kind of people and this is one thing I think is wrong with the world today...

He was just a little early and not big and chunked up like full term babies. He looked a lot like my son who was born 3 1/2 pounds. He was just a little smaller than my older son. They were both long and thin though... I think the only way that Trevor weighed more than Jase was because Trevor was almost 17 inches where Jase was only 11. In my opinion, Jase actually had a much larger stomach than Trev did.

I got one picture at the hospital, which was really crappy looking. I took the others when I got to see Jase again at the mortuary. DH nor I thought of bringing a camera to the birth, I think we were too busy grieving to think about what to do when he actually came. I have 7 pictures of Jase. A few are decent but some I took in which I would only share with really close people since they are full body shots ( Just to prove he was my little boy...)

About how some people think having a picture of a dead child or *person* is creepy, it really bugs me because most of these people get to have pictures of their loved one before they die. Well, I didn't... The only think I have to show that he was *alive* was a video of his 8 week ultrasound when I got to see his little heart beating away. He was just a little bean at the time, but he was still my baby...

Mary


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## littleteapot

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimi_n_tre*
About how some people think having a picture of a dead child or *person* is creepy, it really bugs me because most of these people get to have pictures of their loved one before they die. Well, I didn't... The only think I have to show that he was *alive* was a video of his 8 week ultrasound when I got to see his little heart beating away. He was just a little bean at the time, but he was still my baby...

Mary

I can only speak for myself, but prior to losing my son I found it made me uncomfortable because I fear death. Death scares me more than anything. My grandmother died when I was 8 and she was more of a parent to me at that time than both of mine put together. Without going into details, my life was traumatic and she was my island. Her death gave me a nervous breakdown, and every thought of death following hers has terrified me... so the idea of seeing photographs where I *know* the subject is dead at the time of photo taking was scary to me.
Now I see death a little differently, having lost my son. It's not quite as scary, and now pictures are comforting and not frightening.


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## newcastlemama

Handsome Jericho


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## Boobiemama

My 2nd son died at 3 weeks old. He was in the nicu that whole time. We have a little photo album of pics, but its packed away, I havent looked at it in years. Since we moved in here, so almost 3 years.
He died 9 years ago.
I only have 1 picture of him without a respirator coveringhis face. As he died, the nurse took some pics. I am really glad I have them. Maybe one day I will get down to the basement and get that album out......

I have looked at all your babies pics. You should display them if you feel like it. You are right, they are your children, not somethng you need to hide from people.
That website has some very touching photos, just beautiful. What a great way to help grieving parents.


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## 2Sweeties1Angel

I had my son for 2 months and 29 days, but I don't have nearly as many pictures of him as I should







I barely even got to see him after he died because he was taken away from me so quickly for the autopsy. I'll always be haunted by how peaceful and perfect he looked after he was gone. That's the main memory I have of him--I always first remember him dead instead of as the smiling, happy baby he was.


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## Marlet

I've never lost a baby but saw this thread and wanted to post.

I used to think it was kind of creepy. It didn't make sense to me. But when I opened my first thread about a mama losing her baby and looked at her pics it dawned on me that it would be crazy not to take pictures! They were your babies and you should have something to remind you. I have looked through the albums you mama's posted (at the time it happened or through your siggy links) and I weep for your babies. I have shared your stories with DH and he has weeped along with me. They are all so beautiful!!! It's a sad situation as to why I am looking at them but they make me smile. Just gorgeous all around!







to you all.


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## BethanyB

We have lots of pics of our son. Unlike many of the moms above, we knew our baby wouldn't make it before he was born, so we took lots of pictures. Quinn had trisomy 13, which resulted in several "anomolies". I like to use that word instead of "deformity". Anyway, we didn't know what the severity would be until he was born. My doc had said, after the level II u/s, that it looked like he didn't have eyes. THAT image, of a baby with no eyes, was so horrifying to me that I wasn't even sure if I could see him after he was born







. In fact, I was terrified to go through natural labor; I didn't think I could handle the heartbreak. Now, of course, I'm glad I did it that way. Luckily, as soon as he was "out" I wanted to see him more than anything. He was *beautiful.* He had lots of auburn hair, and little rosebud lips. He did have deeply folded eyelids that covered where his eyes would be, but it just looked like he had his eyes closed the whole time. He had eleven fingers and twelve toes, and very small ears. It turns out that he must have had eyes under the skin because whenever we took a pic with flash, he would grimace! For some reason, that made me feel a lot better, I don't know why. We thought his extra digits were so cute. We took footprints of his little six toed feet! I am in tears now. I haven't ever talked about this on a thread. I can barely see the keys!









There is a stigma to having a child that isn't "normal" that makes me so sad. I can understand that same stigma of having pics of a baby who has already passed. I also understand what coralsmom was saying about being so protective of pics of Coral, but I decided it was worth it to share those pictures with people (not strangers, but people that are close). We sent out birth announcements (very tough) and decided to include pics of Quinn in every one. Everyone we sent them to told us how beautiful he was. Now I am crying again.








Thank you so much for starting this thread. These things are very difficult to talk about with people that don't understand. All the pictures of your babies above are precious. When I figure out how to do it, I am going to post a pic of Quinn here also.


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## Bartock

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot*
I'm just curious... of those who lost a child after birth, or as a stillbirth - how many have photos? Do you make them available for others to see? (in a signature, in a photo album or webpage).

Before I lost my son, I always thought it was creepy to have photographs of stillbirths. I never liked to see them, especially since all the ones I'd viewed were quite... graphic. I don't know how else to describe it. I always wanted a warning first.
But now it's different. I have over 20 photos of my son on my computer. Most of them are just many different angles of the same image. My friend took almost all of them while I was still unconscious. The one in my sig was probably taken _just_ as he was passing. They bring me so much comfort now. I always want DH to tell me everything about how he looked all over again. It's not as though I didn't know; I have pictures and I held him, but DH held him while he was alive and I guess I expect him to have looked a lot different.

I have a lock of hair and handprints, too. His hair was as long at birth as my daughter's was at 8-9 months old. And he was early. I always wonder if it would have been down to his shoulders if he was born 6 weeks later.

One of my closest friends was there, too. She just happened to be visiting when I went into labour. She told me later that she saw him move his arms just after birth. That means so much to me I can't even describe it.

I want to share his images with my family and friends but at the same time I hesitate because I remember how I used to feel about viewing them. But so far, my friends and family have wanted to see... do you share yours, if you have them?

ETA: I guess this is also saying that I'd like to see, if you're willing to share. Now it kind of helps, in a way.

That is such a nice picture, so sorry for your loss!!! Sorry for everyones loss, did not want to quote them all. I noticed you live in B.C, I do too what part are you in? Maybe just maybe if we live near eachother, but I bet we don't, we could get together sometime.((HUGS TO ALL))


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## iris0110

Babs, I often think of you and Jericho. I have looked at his pictures and he is a beautiful little boy.

We took some pictures of Arawyn. I wish we had many more though. I have some up in a photo collage in our house, but usually I keep them to myself. I know because she was so premature that looking at her bothers some people. I always give a warning before sharing her pictures. To me she was the most beautiful little baby in the world. She was small, but perfect in every way. I used to think that she looked just like my older son, but since Tharen was born I see that she really looked like a mix of the two of them. She had tiny delicate features like Kearnan, but her head was shaped more like Tharen's. I wonder what she would look like now, grown to almost two years old (She would have been born at the end of April). For my birthday dh paid for a pencil sketch artist to do a portrait of her. I can't wait to get it, so I can finally feel comfortable sharing her portrait with everyone.

Here are some pictures http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/iris01...20.jpg&.src=ph
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/iris01...c0.jpg&.src=ph

And her website which has her story and a photo page http://members.fortunecity.com/iris0110/

I also have pictures from her funeral, but even I don't look at them. They still hurt too much. The first pic on her page is the picture the hospital took of her. They picked the little dress and hat for her.


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## IansMommy

I never post here, but just thought I might give some







.
Post those photos...I too, cry for all of your beautiful babies.


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## queencarr

I have a few rolls of film that we took as a family and that the hospital took later. We didn't take pictures for several minutes, and so she had begin to deteriorate (I can't think of a better word--sorry!) by the time we did. I had wanted to display some of the photos with ds1, but I felt they were too graphic and raw once they came back. I was concerned that others would be uncomfortable, but it was more that I was uncomfortable, because I didn't see those things when I held her, I just saw my baby. When we were in Korea, I had a portrait done that was a "cleaned up" version of her photo, using a baby picture of ds to match skin tone. We took them in, explained what they were for and why we wanted it done, and the artist created the wonderful portrait that is on dd's webpage in my sig. He took our idea of fading out the background and such and really put his heart into it, dressing her and giving her angel wings







My favorite part is that he made her smile. One of my heartbreaks was that I would never see her smile, and when we got the portrait, that was the first thing I noticed. This is the only picture of her that I display, although our families have also seen the photos. My grandmother asked to not see them, as it was too painful for her, and brought up memories of her own late term loss. But she was very supportive of us as well, so it did not hurt me.


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## littleteapot

BethanyB, your entire post made me tear up. Thank you for your honesty. My son also had anomilies, some of which I still haven't shared with people because I am afraid of just what you've said here :

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BethanyB*
There is a stigma to having a child that isn't "normal" that makes me so sad.

This stigma: they treat you as though your baby wasn't a human being, and merely a defective 'product' of conception. I have even heard babies referred to in this way, as if this sort of detachment will make the mother mourn less. We mourn our babies for their spirits and their beauty and the lives they shared with us inside. Do they matter any less as the precious children that they were just because they have a visible defect? No one would ever dare to say "yes" to that question, and yet so many are treated this way... it saddens me, it angers me. They will always be our children.


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## Mamax3

I think all of your babies are BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I am a L&D nurse and when we have an unexpected loss, I take tons and tons of pictures for the mother/family. I know that they are not able to think clearly and I want them to have as many photos and mementos as I can give them because I KNOW they will cherish them some day.

Mothers who have lost their babies are always in my heart.


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## littleteapot

mamax3,








I wish there were more nurses like you in L&D.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama

We have about 30 pictures of Reagan that our bereavement nurse took. They are the most precious thing we have besides her dress that she wore for those pictures and her handprints and footprints.

I have not shared them here b/c frankly, I don't feel comfortable in doing so. I do share them w/mamas from here at another board b/c I do feel comfortable. We are a small, intimate group and I trust all of them. After the diaper perv incident last spring/summer I don't feel comfortable sharing any photos of my children here.









I have made 2 scrapbooks of her pictures for both sets of grandparents and am working on one for us. We don't display pictures that are visible in our home b/c I teach private piano lessons and there are people in and out of our house all day. We have pics in frames in our bedroom and keep the scrapbook nearby so that Ross can look at it whenever he wants. We are currently on a waiting list for a pencil drawing of Reagan that we will hang in our living room.


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## taradt

We have pictures of Faolan but like Coralsmom I am very protective of him. I have not ever shown them to anyone. He had trisomy 9 and also had "abnormalities" and I am scared that someone would say something (which would hurt so much) so I keep the pictures to myself.

I do thank other mom's for sharing their beautiful babies. Back when we knew our son would be born still I had a mother who let me share her pictures with my husband so he was able to see what an early baby would look like. By seeing pictures over the years it helped me know what to expect when my baby was born.

take care

tara


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## Ben's Mommy

We have quite a few pictures of Benjamin, but like some of the other mamas here, I don't feel totally comfortable sharing them in such an open forum. I've made an album for myself (well, 2 actually...one to share with others, and one that just my dh and I can look at, as I've journaled in it) and I've made an album for each set of grandparents. If it weren't for my dad we wouldn't of had so many pictures. I'm so grateful for all the pictures he took. I too am waiting on a pencil drawing that a co-worker is doing for me. I also got a commemorative birth certificate that is beautiful and had it matted and framed to hang on the wall.

I know some of you have mentioned not wanting to share your baby's photos because you don't know how others will react. I was browsing the internet and found this site where they retouch your photos based on other baby pictures etc... and I think they have turned out beautifully.
Here's the link if you're interested.
http://www.babyphotoretouch.com/index.htm

I wanted to say thank you to the mamas that have shared their pictures with us. Your baby's are so very beautiful and you've given us such a wonderful gift by sharing them with us.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *taradt*
We have pictures of Faolan but like Coralsmom I am very protective of him. I have not ever shown them to anyone. He had trisomy 9 and also had "abnormalities" and I am scared that someone would say something (which would hurt so much) so I keep the pictures to myself.









s I understand your fear. Unfortunately, people can be cruel.














s


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## Cohey_Kisses

Before I lost Liam, the only pictures of departed babies I had ever seen was in an old medical examiner book and it really traumatized me...I had such a fear of death and such a love of children, and the two together just horrified me. It didn't help that the pictures were very cold and clinical. But because I had seen those images, I was honestly scared to deliver Liam because I didn't think I could handle it. Thankfully my midwife had given me a copy of "When Hello Means Goodbye" the day we found out he had died and the pictures in that booklet really changed the whole experience for me. I don't know that I would have even thought to *bring* a camera to the birth, let alone take any pictures. I have a handful of pictures that are really raw and graphic and I don't even look at those myself anymore, because that is *not* what I saw when I looked at him...so they are packed away...but there are a couple that turned out nicely and look more like what I remember seeing with my heart, iykwim. I have looked online at various sites by artists who do 'Memorial Sketches' or 'Memorial Portraits', but I just cannot afford it. I love the way those artists pull away all the 'death' and just leave the beautiful baby that the child really was. Well one night I was just so moved to do SOMEthing like that for my little man and the inspiration hit really hard so I scrambled for my sketch book and pencils and one of my favorite pics of him and got busy. It took me two tries, and it's still not perfect, but it *does* look just like his picture...albeit with a crooked nose, lol. Oh well. So anyway, that's the picture I have framed on his very own wall at the top of our staircase along with his hospital footprints, a poem and a celtic cross. His other pictures are up on a bookcase in my room with the molds of his hands and feet, a replica of the teddy bear we buried him holding, a necklace with his name on a heart charm, and two angel statuettes. I love looking at everyone's little one's pictures...I don't find them disturbing at all, I look at them with my heart just as I did my own beautiful baby and see what precious little beings they truly are.









Here is a link to the sketch I did of Liam Thomas:

http://i1.tinypic.com/sfkzz8.jpg


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## littleteapot

That is such an amazingly beautiful portrait... I wish I had that kind of talent. What an amazing treasure.


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## skybluepink02

I agree. That is a beautiful portrait and a wonderful way to commemerate your son.


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## Cohey_Kisses

Thank you very, very much









I would like to do them for others, but for one thing, I don't feel like I'm good enough at it, and for another, I don't have the time. But I want to do SOMEthing for grieving families, which is the whole reason I've enrolled in an LPN program. I want to go on to do RN and from there find a way to help families dealing with antenatal and neonatal loss...I don't have the whole thing worked out just yet, it's kind of an idea-in-progress, lol...


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## coralsmom

dawn, what a really beautiful portrait of your son. it is so special because his mother drew it. it is amazing how such a terrible event can move people to do such meaningful things, like you did with your son's portrait, and wanting to help other families who have lost a child. thank you so much for sharing your drawing! i am so sorry you lost your son


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## queencarr

Dawn, that picture is beautiful. I remember shortly after Sam was born wishing that I could draw, to do someting similar. But I have no talents in that area. You have an amazing gift and a beautiful son.


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## AllyRae

Liam's drawing is just gorgeous....he is beautiful!


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## Cohey_Kisses

Thank you mamas


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## isaiahsmommy05

I am new here, but I have looked at the pictures of your beautiful babies and cried for you remembering all too well the pain. I cherish my pictures of Isaiah with everything that I have in me. I have TONS of his pictures and some video.
I love sharing them with anyone who will look.
I have a few on his website. I need to do some updating to his site. His new baby sister looks just like him. http://www.isaiahsplace.com/


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## iris0110

Dawn, That portrait of Liam is beautiful. I can see all of the love you put into it. It is truly a breathtaking memorial to your son.

Monica, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son Isaiah. He was such a gorgeous baby. I read your story and I cried.


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## GearGirl

Mary,

He is just precious. Thank you for sharing your photo.

Your babies are so beautiful everyone.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimi_n_tre*
I have Jase's picture in my signature. These are the only real things I really have to show that I was pregnant and had a baby. I was quite a bit earlier than some but he was a perfect baby in every way. The only thing is that he was dead for 3 weeks before I delivered, but he still looked good after I delivered him. I've heard that the amniotic fluid sort of preserves them....

I could care less about what anyone would have to say about my child and his picture. I figure it this way, there are many people in this world who have obtained or were born with disfigurations that are much more *graphic* than I believe my son was. Many people laugh or stare at these kind of people and this is one thing I think is wrong with the world today...

He was just a little early and not big and chunked up like full term babies. He looked a lot like my son who was born 3 1/2 pounds. He was just a little smaller than my older son. They were both long and thin though... I think the only way that Trevor weighed more than Jase was because Trevor was almost 17 inches where Jase was only 11. In my opinion, Jase actually had a much larger stomach than Trev did.

I got one picture at the hospital, which was really crappy looking. I took the others when I got to see Jase again at the mortuary. DH nor I thought of bringing a camera to the birth, I think we were too busy grieving to think about what to do when he actually came. I have 7 pictures of Jase. A few are decent but some I took in which I would only share with really close people since they are full body shots ( Just to prove he was my little boy...)

About how some people think having a picture of a dead child or *person* is creepy, it really bugs me because most of these people get to have pictures of their loved one before they die. Well, I didn't... The only think I have to show that he was *alive* was a video of his 8 week ultrasound when I got to see his little heart beating away. He was just a little bean at the time, but he was still my baby...

Mary


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## PeacefulEZFeelin'

This is my first post and I just wanted to say from the bottom of my broken heart, "thank you". March 31 was the two year anniversary of me losing my second pregnancy. It was early at 9.5 weeks and I was able to deliver the sac and placenta and bury it with my dh. I just needed to grieve some more and tonight I have looked at pictures of your beautiful angels and read your stories and sobbed and I feel so much better. Peace and blessings to all of you. May all of our angels fly high and strong together.


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## Mama8

Hi Mama's I am so sorry for each and everyone of your loss. My heart just aches anew. I am new posting here and I hope I am not butting in. My son was born with a heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrom (HLHS), he was also born full term on November 17 2003 at only 2lbs 6oz and 13 in long at his death on March 24 2004 he was 3lbs 9oz and 15 inches long. We found out shortly before his death he had a form of midgetism called Russell Silvers Syndrome, he also had a genetic blood clotting disorder. He was a real tough boy and lived for 4 months 1 week. He survived 2 open heart surgeries, a collasped lung and cardiac arrest. 3 days before he was to come home he died from a blood clot that moved. He had 5 major ones at the time. The sad thing is the blood clotting disorder was no big deal unless you were having a lot of surgeries and IVs even then if we had known about it he could have had preventive therapy. Anyway, he was the twin to our now 2 1/2 year old girl. We took pictures almost every day of his life and also the day he died after I bathed him and dressed him for the last time. We took pictures with me and the children holding him. I also took pictures of him in his casket. These pictures are in our photo album. I do warn people if they are looking in the albums but he is my son and this is what happened to him and I feel very strongly I don't want to hid him or the fact he died in any way. Big







to all you Mamas that share the path.

edited to add: I also had a daughter die during a twin pregnancy. We had no photos of her because by the time of delievery there really wasn't much to photograph. But we do have her ultrasound photo displayed on our mantel


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## Plady

Oh Mamas,
all these precious little babies! Thank you for sharing all their sweet faces. I think having pictures is very important. For me it has been my reality check. When it feels like a long sad dream or when I feel unreasonably sad I look at Wendy's pictures and remember how very real she was and I don't feel like I should be "over it already" anymore.
I also think it was important for my relatives who weren't there to have her picture, she was their granddaughter/niece/cousin too.


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## Fiddlemom

I have not lost a baby but I find tremendous healing in seeing the photos of your beautiful departed loved ones, the care and reverence and grief that all of you bear. My mother gave birth to a child who did not survive (between me and my brother) and to this day she does not know what happened to the baby--she never saw him/her. She was put under general anesthesia when the OB discovered something was terribly wrong partway through delivery (anencephaly? I don't know) and when she woke up they told her the baby had died. She never saw or held him/her, never said hello or goodbye, no wake or funeral, no burial, no name. To this day I don't know if the baby was a boy or girl....and I suspect my mother doesn't, either.

Now that I have my own children I'm finding that this loss and the lack of recognition his/her brief life received has had a deep and lasting impact on me. i have a few questions for my mother and am trying to work up the courage to ask....did they tell her sex of the baby? what were you going to name him/her?

In any case, I'm grateful to all of you who post here and to those of you who share photographs. They are more healing to me in an odd way than anything so far. I can only imagine the trauma that my mother must have endured, and to go on without ever holding her child or saying goodbye must have left an awful mark on her. Sorry if this is a slight thread hijack; I just wanted to say thank you.


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## massaginmommy

Oh mommas thank you so much for sharing your beautiful babies with all of us. I feel honored to have looked at each one of their sweet faces. I read each of your stories and I am truly touched in my heart. I pray peace and comfort for each of you.
Laurie


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## Adensmommy

Oh mamas your little ones are gorgeous.
I have felt liberated sharing little Adens photo. We lost our little man on March 8 due to an incompetent cervix. He weighed 1 lb and 2.5 ounces. I ache for him every day.


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## AllyRae

Aden's such a little peanut with such a precious face!!


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## egoldber

I added pictures of Leah in my sig awhile ago. For a long time I was very possessive of her and did not want to share, but now I feel the need to share her. We were "lucky", in the sense that she was full term and lived for 9 days. So we have literally hundreds of pictures of her from when she was alive. We did also take some of her after her death because those are the only pictures of her that we have without the ventilator.


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## massaginmommy

Brandi, Aden is such a sweet little angel.
Beth your Leah is beautiful I love the skin to skin picture of you two.
Thank you both for sharing.


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## iris0110

Aden is such a sweet little baby. Arawyn was tiny like that.

The pictures of Leah are so pretty. I cried looking at the pictures of your two girls together.

I just got the portrait of Arawyn done. It turned out so beautifuly. It's like I finally have piece of my daughter back. http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/iris01...cd.jpg&.src=ph


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## massaginmommy

Shannon that is beautiful.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt

Thank you ladies for sharing all your photos....








I have many pictures of my daughter, who died 3/26/04....6 hours after her full term birth...
Like Amy, I am not willing to post them here...I have shared them on a private board I am a member of!

Blessings to you all!


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## ladybugchild77

Thank you all for sharing your pictures. I have lost two babies and although I have no pictures of them because I miscarried early, I do have pictures of me pregnant and a few things I bought for each of them. It provides me with a sense of closure, you know? Thanks aga for sharing - your babies are beautiful.


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## MAMom

I wanted to share this site The American Child Photographers Charity Guild is a non-profit, volunteer based organization that provides complimentary portrait sessions for parents with a critically ill child or extremely premature newborn or early infant loss at any stage.

A volunteer photographer will come to the hospital or your home to take pictures of your baby.


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## Nkenga

I have about 5 pictures of Jon-Sebastian taken by the hospital staff, and a few on a disposible camera that we never got developed (everyone, including FH, forgot their camera the whole time I was in the hospital). The sepia-tone one is my favorite - I have it framed.


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## Undercover Hippie

I just wanted to let all of you wonderful mothers know that my heart aches for each of you. I always check your links and I have cried over each and every one of your precious babes. I have never thought your photos were anything but beautiful. It is an honor to be able to mourn with you and see both your anguish and your amazing strength. I wish I could give you all a hug and thank you for sharing your stories and pictures.


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## AllyRae

Oh wow...there is one right next to the hospital Ry passed away at but nobody told me about them...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MAMom*
I wanted to share this site The American Child Photographers Charity Guild is a non-profit, volunteer based organization that provides complimentary portrait sessions for parents with a critically ill child or extremely premature newborn or early infant loss at any stage.

A volunteer photographer will come to the hospital or your home to take pictures of your baby.


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