# Making a choice to have another but scared



## mama kate (Jul 19, 2003)

I am finally getting DH convinced that we should have another baby but now I am freaked out!

Brief history - 2 years to concieve Emma during that time - 2 known m/c & possibly 1 undiagnosed. - We were elated to be having a girl - my dream come true. I was a doula before having her & felt prepared - had my doula on call, had an extremely pro natural/low-non intervention childbirth OB. My BP went up a bit in my last trimester - modified bedrest - But all else was great I loved being pregnant! Fast forward to 2 days past my"EDD" my bp was slowly rising so we decided to induce - labor went decently - until I was getting too tired & baby was showing decels in heartrate regardless of positioning, etc. Finally relented to an epidural as Emma was getting fairly low with her heart rate & my OB was concerned. During Epidural placement they lost track of her heartrate, nurse begged to put internal monitor - I finally relented - Nurse had another nurse check placement becuase E's hb was low 70's nurse said it was fine E dipped to low 40's so emergency c-sec. She was "fine" as I was told but I kept telling them she sounded funny - nurses said it was normal etc. Fast forward 2 hours They had taken her to the nursery for an hour while I got in my room dh came with to see where my room was then went back to get E - she was taken to the NICU lots of testing later she was GBS+ - I had tested negative - 2 weeks in the NICU. It was heartbreaking for all of us.

OK fast forward to now E is 14 months happy, healthy & the light of our lives.But I'd like for her to have a sibling. But I am terrified to go through labor again - I know they are all different but still -I am freaked out that it will all happen again. I will probably have a scheduled C as the dissappointment of another failed vaginal birth would throw me over the edge - I am just finally getting ok with E's birth.

Can someone please fill me in if you've had a horrible birth followed by a great one - what was different(a hb is out of the ? dh would never go for it) How did you keep from stressing during your pregnancy?

Thanks


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Hi, Kate!

I didn't have horrible births, thankfully, but I have been thinking a lot about being scared to ever have another baby. We have two girls (the first was conceived easily, the second required that I take progesterone) and at this point, feel "finished," though my 2nd DD is only 6 months old. Part of the reason I DO feel like I'm done is that I just don't know if I could do it all again . . .I feel like I have read so many stories from mamas here who have had such difficult TTC experiences, pregnancies, labors, and tragic losses.







It seems that as time passes, I'm realizing what a HUGE deal it is to bring a human life into this world. Why wasn't this obvious to me before?

So, no advice other than to send vibes of peace, love, and strength to you on your journey . . .


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## mama kate (Jul 19, 2003)

Thanks for the kind words Elena


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## KC in KS (Feb 24, 2005)

Well, I didn't have a *horrible* birth, but it was long enough to be *not good*, you know? Fifty-five hours of labor, two and half of pushing, we spent something like 6 hours on the edge of a C-section. So even though it turned out well, it's not exactly the kind of thing you'd choose to do again, kwim?

DH keeps asking how I can be willing to do that again. The best explanation I've come up with is that while it wasn't at all fun, I've done it once before, so I know I can do it again. It's like I've tested my strength, and found it to be enough. While I'm not looking forward to the test again, I'm not worried about it, because I know I can do it.

I guess if we were talking over tea, I'd remind you that as difficult as Emma's birth and first weeks were, you all three made it through successfully. You can do this. Just keep telling yourself you did it once, you can do it again.

HTH
KC


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## mama kate (Jul 19, 2003)

Thanks KC


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## simonsmama (Oct 7, 2005)

My birth was not horrible, but it was unhappy. This was my first pregnancy, and I went 12 days over EDD, so my doctor decided to induce (I didn't know about this site, or AP or anything at this time). So I went in on the 12th of july, and had cervadil for 12 hours, and then had 150% pitocin.....artificial rupture of membranes, and still nothing......so after 36 hours of labor and very hard contractions, I ended up with a c-section. at the time I was just so relieved to have it over with, you know? But now, I wish I could have done it differently. I want the next baby to be homebirthed....

Just remember, hell yes it was hard.....but it was SO worth it, wasn't it?


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## Dal (Feb 26, 2005)

Maybe focusing on the unlikelihood that baby #2 would also need to spend time in the NICU would help? My labour was a failed attempt at a homebirth, then epidural, which ended in c-section during which I was convinced I could feel what they were doing (in retrospect, I think I was mostly just absolutely sleep deprived having not slept for something like 35+ hours) and freaked out that the drugs would suddenly wear off altogether. It is a frightening position to be in!

I like to focus on the fact that the actual labour bit is SO short. It is only 1-2 days plus recovery. Recovery wasn't too bad for me because the drugs worked so well. Pregnancy itself I really loved (minus the morning sickness, but even through that I was in awe of the experience).

The hardest parts for me are the psychological ones: fear about a miscarriage in the first trimester and into the second, fear about something being wrong with the baby, fear about an early labour, fear about a crazy tear, fear about baby dying in labour or in utero, and on and on. If you are the same way, maybe you can find a way to minimize these stresses, perhaps by consciously blocking them whenever they occur and thinking of something else. Easier said than done. I should try to take my own advice too.


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