# Nudity scare!



## fourgrtkidos (Jan 6, 2004)

Help. I am not really very strict about privacy in my house. I do not have strict rules that the kids are not allowed in my room , stuff like that. I do have rules about respecting each others wishes and protecting each child's modesty as they wish. But, I try to balance modesty and letting the kids feel comfortable about their bodies.

I could explain it better by example. My son closes the door when going to the bathroom and doesn't want anyone to see his now developing body. We respect that, I do not let the little kids in the bathroom while he is showering, etc. I have my kids cover up their "privates" but do not freak out if my five year old wants to walk around naked. I just explain that her girl parts are special and only for her and she needs to get dressed. My 7 yo is modest and other than an occasional streak from bathroom after a shower to her room she stays fully clothed. My 5 yo likes to wear underwear only. I do not cover up when I nurse. I do not consider it sexual and want my son to know what breasts are really for. The baby is sometimes aloud to go around "nakie".

So, finally to the point, question is does this need to change now that the kids are older? 5 yo, 7 yo girls and preteen definetly developing 12.75 yo son?

My son walked into my room today without knocking and saw me fully naked.







And to make the situation worse I was bending over with my butt in the air facing him. I am mortified. What do I say to him about it? Beside him knocking on shut doors , what new rules need to be in place? What are your rules about privacy? Nakedness?


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

EVERYONE in our household knocks on shut doors before going into a room. That includes dd's bedroom door - we give her the same privacy we want her to give us.

But now about nudity....our dd (8yrs) has always been a nudist or nearly so. On hot days (like now), she'll go most of the day in nothing but underwear. Of course she gets dressed to go outside.

We're all pretty OK with nudity. But with only one child, and with her not hitting pubery yet, it's still (usually) real easy and open. I can see how having children that are some years apart, and/or having one in the throes of puberty could complicate things.

I guess we are following our dd's lead. As long as she is comfortable being nude/seeing us nude, it's no big deal. When she expresses embarassment or modesty or whatever, then we respect that.

Ann-Marita


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## China white (Mar 29, 2004)

Tough situation. I'm thinking that the best approach would be to keep it low key. Yes, you're embarrassed, but don't let it show. Just calmly, matter-of-factly tell him that it is important to knock before entering someones' room, out or respect for privacy, _not_ shame. To be honest, he's probably _more_ embarassed by the incident than you are, and will most likely be more careful in the future.
My son is 9, and I'm just starting to feel uncomfortable being undressed around him. I hate this 'growing-up' buisness!







:


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## pugmadmama (Dec 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *China white*
Tough situation. I'm thinking that the best approach would be to keep it low key. Yes, you're embarrassed, but don't let it show. Just calmly, matter-of-factly tell him that it is important to knock before entering someones' room, out or respect for privacy, _not_ shame. To be honest, he's probably _more_ embarassed by the incident than you are, and will most likely be more careful in the future...

ITA. The fact is, when people live in a house together 24/7, your going to get the occasional glimpse of each other's nude bodies. And that's okay. But barging to a room without knocking is not.

I have to admit, my 12 year old son is much better about knocking first than I am, but I'm working on it...I have to, he keeps reminding me, "Mom, please knock first." It's a bit embarassing to need to have my pre-teen remind me of good manners!


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fourgrtkidos*
I was bending over with my butt in the air facing him. I am mortified. What do I say to him about it? Beside him knocking on shut doors , what new rules need to be in place? What are your rules about privacy? Nakedness?

I am soooo sorry! I am laughing my fool head off! AAAHHH! I'm gettin' a visual!

Oh Lordie........ Thanks for the giggle!

I understand where you are coming from! My two oldest don't care a fig about any (family member) one seeing them naked. Ds is 10 and dd is almost 9. The baby of course has serious issues. Why is that? He won't take his shirt off unless his door is closed? Are we too 'out there' so he went the other way...? Anyway, I feel for ya!

We don't have any rules regarding privacy - yet! But I do see your point with your younger dd's and older son. I kinda have been watching them too. Except my dd is only 18 months behind him. So far no rules! My poor little 6 year old (almost 7) used to beg me to make dd put on her clothes! Bless his heart.

I would probably make a joke out of it (your son walking in on you). My ds10 and I are pretty close and it would alleviate some of his embarrassment by my approaching the situation with a joke first. Make sense? I have noticed in the last 6 months that he won't come in the bathroom if I am on the potty. He'll hang out outside the door and talk to me (like around the corner even!).

I do find myself wondering about a lot of this type thing as they get older. I am interested to read other posts to see how other moms handle it.

I will say that I have made a definate effort to actually lock my door if I know I can't do a 'quick change' ( you know what i mean







) I've obviously been walked in on too!

Lisa


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

I was brought up in a family where nudity was no big deal, and it's that way here too.









Matter of fact, just a couple of weeks ago I went to my mom's house and she shouted that she was up in the tub, so I walked up there to talk to her *no big deal* and my 24 year old brother was already sitting there talking to her. *LOL*


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## mom at home (Nov 19, 2001)

I think you need to do what feels right to you and your family. If you want privacy when you are naked I would express that need to your family members. Every family is so different you just have to trust what your gut tells you about yours. We don't worry a lot about whether we are clothed or not. My girls are 6 and 8. My oldest often just walks around in her underwear and my younger one varies from phase to phase. I'm probably the least modest in my family, but my dh doesn't worry about the girls seeing him naked when he's showering or getting dressed.

I'd just go with how you and your family feel about it.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

for now, we don't have any nudity rules in our house. that will change when/if someone becomes uncomfortable. my kids are pretty young now (3 and 1) - we all cosleep - and i sleep naked. since dd was born, dh feels more comfortable with underpants on. i constantly walk around at least topless because i'm tandem nursing and someone is likely to need to nurse at any time. my only rule is that if ds wants to play with his penis, he should do it privately (and, i suppose that's the rule for dh and i if we want to play with ourselves as well :LOL).anyhow, if it ever bothers the kids to see each other or us naked, then we will try to be more modest. i don't see anything overtly sexual about a naked body, so it doesn't really bother me much.


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## anythingelse (Nov 26, 2001)

if you are bothered by someone of any age seeing you naked, you need to lock the door more so then teaching to knock


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

we're born naked. why make it taboo?

i understand the privacy issue ~ we do that stuff here (i.e., you don't just walk into a room that has a closed door)... my son knows to knock if there's a closed door, and wait for an answer (although he doesn't yet have that restraint all the time, so if we really need privacy when he's awake, we go in the bathroom, because it's the only door in our apartment that has a lock).

but honestly i spend a lot of time naked / nearly naked. we're teaching my son that nudity is ok (though he prefers to wear clothes ~ first kid i've ever met that did







), just don't stare at people's "private parts."

he spent a lot of time going through a phase where every time he'd see one of us naked, he'd follow us around and stare at what was between our legs. he also went through a phase where he'd try to get in every grownup man's pants he saw and try to find their penis.







(even with his daddy that's completely unacceptable!!) we spent a LOT of time working past that with him. finally he "got" it, and doesn't do it anymore (thankfully).

i don't know how i would have reacted to a child seeing my privates if they weren't already accustomed to the idea that 1) we don't stare, and 2) it's completely natural (and if you like, 3) everyone is different).

the more you freak out about it the more they'll get the idea that it's something to hide or be ashamed of.

Quote:

my only rule is that if ds wants to play with his penis, he should do it privately
that's one of our rules too ~ if he wants to play with his penis, he goes in his room and does it privately, because that's a private thing.

eta ~

Quote:

To be honest, he's probably more embarassed by the incident than you are








i remember growing up, my parents taught me (basically) to be ashamed of my body and my private parts...... then i got to be a teen and my mom didn't think anything of getting dressed or undressed around us kids. i was MORTIFIED. i'd walk into her room ** through her OPEN DOOR ** to talk to her and find her standing there nearly naked...







i STILL can't stand that! it was AWFUL. and she never saw a problem with it. she actually made a big deal of it one time: "come on, i'm just getting DRESSED, what is it you wanted to talk to me about????" :: sigh :: i think if i had been raised from day 1 to have a more natural outlook on the human body i would have been able to deal w/ her nudity a bit better... kwim?


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *klothos*
he also went through a phase where he'd try to get in every grownup man's pants he saw and try to find their penis.



















reminds me of ds telling everyone in the grocery store about how he and daddy had penises, but mommy had a "volvo"


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:

reminds me of ds telling everyone in the grocery store about how he and daddy had penises, but mommy had a "volvo"
OMG don't even get me started on my son's vulva song! :LOL

or how he spent weeks telling every stranger he saw about Mommy's New Breastpump!!! :: sigh ::


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## doctorjen (May 29, 2003)

Our family is pretty comfortable half-naked, too. My oldest ds does have his own bathroom, but if I need to talk to him, he has no problem with me poking my head in while he's showering, as long as I knock. (He'll be 16 in 2 mos.) Older dd prefers privacy while she's in the bathroom, but doesn't mind if I really need to be in the bathroom too, as long as I don't stare at her. She still has no problem with bathing around me, or showering with me if we're in a hurry in the morning, just likes privacy to use the potty (she's 9). Little ds will be 7 this week, and has no modesty issues at all. He still showers with me sometimes, too, and often bathes with the baby and thinks nothing of it. Dh lives in just undies in the summer, and no one thinks anything of that. I've spent a lot of oldest ds's life breastfeeding, so he's pretty accustomed to the brief sightings of breasts. He also is so used to me pumping, he doesn't think of it as a private activity (at home, I usually pump in the living room on the couch while checking e-mail, or watching TV.) His casualness about breastfeeding has been useful. His English teacher last year was my patient, and she struggled a bit with nursing/pumping when she started back to school after the birth of her dd. Ds actually relayed several messages back and forth between us about her pumping issues. Probably not too many 15 year olds would be comfy doing that! On the other hand, his casualness can be a problem, too. Today I was sitting on the floor in the living room pumping one side (worked this am and little dd only wanted 1 side when I came home.) Older ds came home with our church's college intern unexpectedly, and traipsed right into the living room with him to ask me something, even though he could hear the pump going. Fortunately, college intern guy had absolutely no clue whatsoever since I had my back to them and just looked over my shoulder at them. Maybe a little less casualness would be useful, though!
In our experience, the kids have sought out more privacy when they needed it, and we have just respected what they want. I wouldn't go in the bathroom with older dd unless she says it's okay, and I always knock on older ds's door. I expect them to knock if I have the door closed, too. If I feel they've violated my privacy, I ask them gently to respect it. If they feel I've violated their privacy, they're not always so gentle, but we cut them some slack! When I've been walked in on, I simply tell whoever that I'm dressing or whatever and can they please wait outside, and next time knock! Other than knocking on closed doors, we haven't felt it necessary to make any other rules, and find that as they get older, they're just less comfortable naked around each other and naturally seek more cover.
Now that older ds often has friends over, I have encouraged my younger kids to get dressed when it's not just family in the house. They seem to understand that it's okay to be naked around your family, but that you get more covered when strangers are around.


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## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fourgrtkidos*
So, finally to the point, question is does this need to change now that the kids are older? 5 yo, 7 yo girls and preteen definetly developing 12.75 yo son?

My kids are close in age to yours. (13, 9 and 4) Each have different degrees of comfort about nakedness. We don't have rules about nudity--they all just do what they're comfortable with. We've taught them all that if they want privacy, they should shut/lock their doors and that the rest of us should knock first. Personally, *I* wouldn't be bothered by being seen, but since it bothers you, I'd say to just remind your ds to knock. Or, you could put a lock on your door and use it when you feel the need.


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## Mylie (Mar 15, 2004)

My now 14 year old was never "modest"..LOL. He will still walk around in his underwear/boxers and doesn't care.Now he does want his privacy in the bathroom/shower which I totally respect as I also want mine and he gives it.But he is totally comfortable with seeing breastfeeding babes as I have always made that natural for him.I say whatever goes for your family. Love Mylie xx


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## MommaCheesehead (May 4, 2003)

The only rule we have in our house is knocking on closed doors.

I'm still sitting here giggling about the "naked butt in the air" comment:LOL I got quite the visual from that!!!


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## fourgrtkidos (Jan 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alkenny*
I was brought up in a family where nudity was no big deal, and it's that way here too.









Matter of fact, just a couple of weeks ago I went to my mom's house and she shouted that she was up in the tub, so I walked up there to talk to her *no big deal* and my 24 year old brother was already sitting there talking to her. *LOL*


This is how I always thought our house would be. The nudity is non-sexual, and no big deal. I just haven't maintained that easy going idea. To see my breasts isn't a big deal... I am always nursing and so was his aunt when my nieces and nephew was little. It's that he saw my female parts in such an embarrassing position......







: I didn't make a big deal. Today he has finally started remembering to knock. He said it "bothered him too, a little". I am bad about remembering to close the door also, so he is going to try knocking at the corner before coming to my room.


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## fourgrtkidos (Jan 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vanna's Mom*
if you are bothered by someone of any age seeing you naked, you need to lock the door more so then teaching to knock


I guess I didn't clarify that this is the major problem. I am not that modest and I didn't have the door shut, let alone locked. I don't think the human body should be ashamed of and a naked body isn't neccessarily sexual.

But, my son has adopted a different standpoint, mostly from my mother and stepfather (his grandparent and my youngest stepbrother). They take their clothes into the bathroom and change after the shower, no walking around in pajamas, stepdad and brother wear shirts while swimming- extreme modesty. I am not saying it is wrong, just different and my son is trying to mesh the two ideals (he spends alot of time there) and come up with what is comfortable for him and works for his developing sense of self and our family.

It'll be fine.


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

no walking around in pajamas! oh my. since my husband started wearing boxer-briefs that is standard attire in the mornings here. but we have been camping at dead shows and phish shows so dd has probably seen more than most in terms of strangers freaking out or being crazy and perhaps nude at the same time. lots of people swimming nude in the river, for example. in fact i think my husband is a little silly about privacy with our daughter and i am kind of surprised but whatever. he usually covers up if he is nude and she comes in or something. i think that's silly and also if i had been comfortable seeing my dad nude i might not have had a whole education to obtain once i started having sex. photos just didn't prepare me for the real thing!









we have friends who practice a japanese religion, i don't remember what it's called, but they take a family bath every day. in fact they were so pleased to move so they could put in a custom tub- the old one was a big roman tub but still not big enough for all five at once. so dad, mom, kids- teenage boy, preteen girl and little boy- all bathe together. the girl was my student when she was in first and second grade and she was the most relaxed and mature kid, esp about nudity and bodily functions. she just didn't have the giggles or other nonsense about it.

but of course we must respect our kids' feelings as well. i think it's interesting though because since you are the head of the household as parents it's your decision whether or not to be comfortable with nudity so do you change that to accomodate the embarrassment or modesty of a teen? i have wondered about this.


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## Sariha (Mar 13, 2003)

My son walked in on me once when I was naked. Same thing, a butt shot. He says " I don't really like having to see your butt" I said "don't walk in my room with out knocking and you won't have that problem" He never walked in my room with out knocking again. My daughters had to be told a few more times...we also put a lock on our door for total privacy...nothing like worrying about someone walking in on you.


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