# Any Parents that Have Infants that Sleep in Their Own Cribs in Their Own Rooms?



## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

I'm interested to hear from you guys, since I've always been so terrified to allow that. When I watch friend's children, I never let them sleep alone because I'm so scared something will happen to them because I'm not nearby and they are all alone. The only way I would allow the child to sleep in his own room is if he is above three and is capable of sleeping safely in a bed. This way, I have no worries of him dying in his sleep and have faith he will be able to begin breathing again if he should stop. I feel that by this age, the risk of sids has passed. I would more than likely do the same with my children, when I have them.

Before I even knew what AP and cosleeping was, I was instinctively doing this with the children I watched because it felt like the right thing to do. I could never understand how parents could allow young infants to sleep all alone and not be afraid.

If any of you here allow your babies to sleep in their very own rooms in a crib, how do you cope? Are you afraid? Do you feel like you have to check on them all the time? I'm interested to hear what you have to say, since for now, I feel like it would be more dangerous to have a young infant all alone away from mom and dad. But, of course, I don't know everything.


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## geo_girl (Apr 18, 2007)

Hi there,

I'm going to jump on in and say that, yes, our DS sleeps in his own room, and it has worked out very well.

We shared the room for the first couple of months, but soon found that everyone slept best in his/her own space. I couldn't completely relax while listening to all of the noises, and I'm certain that DS woke more frequently when we were there.

I think that there is a misconception that because we don't share the room we aren't as attentive or attached...and that is something that I really bristle at.

We don't let him scream for hours in his own room, nor are we in fear of his life. ...sorry, but I think that is a bit over the top.

Of course, if he had a fever or was ill, then I would be checking him throughout the night (whenever I use the washroom), but otherwise I check him before I go to sleep, and then pick him up when he wakes in the morning.

We never co-slept, and he started sleeping in his own room at around 6 months. I have never felt afraid for him, or that we are doing him a disservice by not sharing the room.

anyway, this is what works for us, and we have never had second thoughts or fears about this.

Do what is right for you, and we will do what is right for us.

charlene


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Charlene. What a pretty name by the way. I do not want you to get the impression that I'm saying that just because a parent lets their child sleep in his own room means that the parent does not care or is not attached because that is not the case. For some, sleeping together does not work, and I understand that. I merely wanted to know how parents did this, since I myself am terrified to. i'm not saying that my way or your way is better. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother. I'm just wanting to know if parents who let their infants sleep alone are scared. I want to know how they feel about it. And how they get through it if it is hard for them. I'm interested in how they conduct themselves, how they can feel at peace. I'm interested in those who do things differently than I do.

Why does the thought of allowing a baby to sleep alone terrify me? Is it because that is me? I guess I will not know that, but I do know that this is how I feel personally. I've always been really scared to do that. Thanks for your take on things. I really appreciate your contribution. Glad that it works out well for you.


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## caro113 (Aug 25, 2008)

My daughter has started pushing for her own space so we set up a toddler day bed for her in our room. She is in her own bed (when she wants to be) but she's also in our room. Of course, I do do other things at night when she's asleep so I do leave her alone in there on occasion. But I have a monitor with me when I'm traveling around the house, just in case I don't hear her.

I really hate that she sleeps alone, but she keep pushing away when we would cuddle and kept pushing me over in her sleep to where I would be on the floor. So we had to compromise, which I think worked well for us. She can sleep alone when she wants and sleep with me when she wants. She can easily crawl out of her bed and come on over to me whenever the mood strikes her.

You do what works for your family. Every family is different.


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## honey-lilac (Jun 30, 2009)

DS started sleeping in his own room at 9 months, DD at around 11 months. Both were very light sleepers and no one was getting any sleep co-sleeping. Then again, our house is small enough that we're all practically in the same space, they're literally less than 10-15 feet away from us, both of their beds, although they are technically in their own rooms. We keep all the doors open so it's basically like one big room with wall dividers. If that makes sense. I wouldn't feel safe if I wasn't that close to them, though.


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## paranoidprego (Dec 24, 2005)

I co-slept with both babies until about 8-9 months (bad back and I was not sleeping all night). I am a former NICU nurse, so I thought I would never be able to be apart from my children while they slept. I can't believe that I CAN do this. Although, I do check on the kids before I go to bed (yes, I do watch their little tummies to make sure they are in fact breathing (my husband thinks I am nuts). My dh has always put a lot of faith in the human body and its survival. When the baby can roll over and support his head, he/she should be able to keep himself alive while sleeping. Just like the body's ability to know to open the mouth and breath when the nose is plugged up (except newborns who have a hard time with this and are obligatory nose-breathers).
I have the monitor on all night. We have the type of crib mattress that does not have any off-gassing, we do not vaccinate - some things that have been linked to SIDS. I really think that I would've had a harder time with this if my dh wasn't so darn practical and no-nonsense. He has talked some sense into me a lot of times.
I plan on co-sleeping with this new baby for as long as I can do it. I am hoping that I figure out a way that allows me to get some sleep because I really would love to co-sleep longer than 9 months. But if i can't, I know I will feel secure with the way we have done things with our other two.


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

I think it's normal mama instinct to want to check on the baby while s/he's sleeping, whether in another room or right next to you.

I felt better knowing that whenever I woke up I could just look over and see DS, or reach over and touch DS to see if he was breathing. Early on, I admit I did that quite often. I'm not sure I could have just put him in another room to sleep. But that's just me.


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## geo_girl (Apr 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deer Hunter* 
I do not want you to get the impression that I'm saying that just because a parent lets their child sleep in his own room means that the parent does not care or is not attached because that is not the case.


Sorry for jumping all over this post









whooops.

I'm not as crunchy as some moms on this board, and just trying to find our way through this parenting minefield.









Co-sleeping just didn't work for us. I woke up with nightmares when DD slept with us for the first couple of weeks, and it freaked me out.

Our house is small enough that I can hear any small noise if attuned, but also need to be able to 'tune out' to get some sleep.

I have never been afraid....in the beginning I had a monitor set up, and that really set my mind at ease.

Hope that you find what works for you,
cheers,
charlene


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

My DD sleeps in her own room and I have no fear for her safety. I have a video monitor set up so that I can watch her and check on her when I feel the need. Out of curiosity, how many of the babies that you have had sleep on you/near you have you had to resuscitate or otherwise rescue that would have come to dire ends if they had been sleeping on their own? I'm not trying to be mean or snarky, I just don't see babies as so fragile that I need to hover over them ready to swoop in and save them from themselves at any moment.


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## YouKnowMe (Feb 7, 2008)

I have to say I'm a little take aback at your deep fear for the life of your child. In all the work I've done with families whose children have died I know this to be true: if my baby is going to die of SIDS, there is nothing I can do to stop it even if the child is asleep in my arms, at my breast.

You asked for our opinions so I'm just giving mine.

I had a son die in a car crash so I know all too well that I have really no control on many things.

My first subsequent son slept in our bed for about 6 weeks and it was awful. No one slept. Then he moved to a bassinett in our room. I don't remember how old he was when he went to a seperate room. It was probably close to 9 months.

My daughter slept in our bed till she was 13 months, then in a crib in our room for a few more months, then to her room.

Our 4mo son slept with us from birth, but he is now in a crib in our room as we are trying to figure out what he needs to sleep.

I guess the bigger picture is that: just because you can't comprehend something yourself for you and your child, doesn't mean others need to feel the same way. (that's actually a HUGE lesson that I need to learn myself)


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KimPM* 
I think it's normal mama instinct to want to check on the baby while s/he's sleeping, whether in another room or right next to you.

I felt better knowing that whenever I woke up I could just look over and see DS, or reach over and touch DS to see if he was breathing. Early on, I admit I did that quite often. I'm not sure I could have just put him in another room to sleep. But that's just me.

I feel ya there. I think if any kids I'm watching that young or any of my own future kids were in another room at infancy, I'd be going completely batty. My fiance does not think there is anything wrong with me for this. He just says I'm really sensitive and have a heightened maternal instinct. That makes me feel better because I don't think I'm way over the top.

If I'm this way now with other's children feeling as protective as I do, I wonder how I will be when I actually have my own.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *YouKnowMe* 
I have to say I'm a little take aback at your deep fear for the life of your child. In all the work I've done with families whose children have died I know this to be true: if my baby is going to die of SIDS, there is nothing I can do to stop it even if the child is asleep in my arms, at my breast.

You asked for our opinions so I'm just giving mine.

I had a son die in a car crash so I know all too well that I have really no control on many things.

My first subsequent son slept in our bed for about 6 weeks and it was awful. No one slept. Then he moved to a bassinett in our room. I don't remember how old he was when he went to a seperate room. It was probably close to 9 months.

My daughter slept in our bed till she was 13 months, then in a crib in our room for a few more months, then to her room.

Our 4mo son slept with us from birth, but he is now in a crib in our room as we are trying to figure out what he needs to sleep.

I guess the bigger picture is that: just because you can't comprehend something yourself for you and your child, doesn't mean others need to feel the same way. (that's actually a HUGE lesson that I need to learn myself)

Oh, no, please. I was never stating that others had to feel the same way that I do because we will all feel differently about matters. Some people are fearful, some are brave. We all are different and that is what makes the world go round. If everyone was like me, I'd seriously puke!







I can't even stand myself sometimes. LOL

I was merely just wondering what other people did and how they dealt with it. I'm just trying to understand. I am not being critical of anything here. I, myself, because I guess I'm fearful, am not able to understand how parents put their babies in their own rooms because I'm so scared to do that myself, hence the reason I was asking about it. Nothing more. Just asking because I just want to know. I'm only interested in how these parents did it.

I just feel safer if the babies are with me, that's all. It makes me feel better. I'm more at ease. If they were in another room, i'd never get any peace or sleep. I'd be walking around all night, back and forth, back and forth.

Everyone has to do what works and what is in the best interest of the entire family. But, please, I only want to know. Maybe, I'm weird. Of course, my fiance would not say so because he loves me and he is an insider. What is strange is that he feels the same way I do. My fiance feels that when the child is able to communicate, sleep in a bed independently and not a crib, independently walk to us if there is a problem, and can somewhat care for his own needs in his own small way, like going to the potty or getting himself a drink in the night, which i was able to do myself at two and a half with some adaptations, such as a small little pitchure that I could hold, then he is fit to sleep on his own in his own room. So, now you have two scaredy cats. LOL I wonder what kind of parents we will make.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *geo_girl* 
Sorry for jumping all over this post









Oh, that's okay. don't worry about it. I could se how you'd think that my post would be sort-of critical to parents that do not choose to sleep with their children. However, it was merely some questions I wanted to know the answers to. I'm like trying to understand myself, too.

whooops.

I'm not as crunchy as some moms on this board, and just trying to find our way through this parenting minefield.









That's fine, too. You love your little one, and that is all that matters. From what it sounds like, I can judge that you are a good mama. I hope that I will be, too.

Co-sleeping just didn't work for us. I woke up with nightmares when DD slept with us for the first couple of weeks, and it freaked me out.

That stinks. That's no good. I'm glad you found something that works for all of you, though, so that you guys can get some decent sleep, since sleep is important.

Our house is small enough that I can hear any small noise if attuned, but also need to be able to 'tune out' to get some sleep.

My house is kind of weird. I'd be scared to put the baby, when I have one, in the other bedroom, considering it is on the other side of the house and has its own hallway leading to it.

I have never been afraid....in the beginning I had a monitor set up, and that really set my mind at ease.

I'm glad you did not feel scared. I'm glad you were able to be at ease when you did this.

Hope that you find what works for you,
cheers,
charlene

Oh, me to. I'm wondering if it is okay to be as i am? A scaredy cat? My fiance is the same way. Big trouble.







LOL With our personalities and feeling as we do, we will have to use a compass to navigate our way through the parenting mine, if we do not get lost first. hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Again, thanks for your contribution.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evie's Mama* 
My DD sleeps in her own room and I have no fear for her safety. I have a video monitor set up so that I can watch her and check on her when I feel the need. Out of curiosity, how many of the babies that you have had sleep on you/near you have you had to resuscitate or otherwise rescue that would have come to dire ends if they had been sleeping on their own? I'm not trying to be mean or snarky, I just don't see babies as so fragile that I need to hover over them ready to swoop in and save them from themselves at any moment.









And i'm glad that you can have that much peace. I envy you.







That is what makes us all different and beautiful--that we all can have different perspectives and share with one another and handle things differently. These are the very things i'm interested in.

Thankfully, I've never had a child die on my watch. I could not even think of how I'd be if I had to call one of my friends to report that their child is dead. Oh, God. The thought of that makes me so ill. I have to stop thinking about that and get it out of my head. Whew!

I just feel safer that the young babies are right where I can keep watch on them, since they are so dependent for every little thing. i feel like I can keep them from becoming tangled up in the crib, from getting tangled in clothing and blankets, or from choking in the night. Those things, I feel like I could prevent if they were with me that I would otherwise not be able to if they were down the hall in their own room. This is how I feel, that's all.

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to criticise the OP that I was replying to or any other who chooses to take a different course. It is for the purposes of sharing, exchanging thoughts, or getting new information. Blessings to all.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paranoidprego* 
I co-slept with both babies until about 8-9 months (bad back and I was not sleeping all night). I am a former NICU nurse, so I thought I would never be able to be apart from my children while they slept. I can't believe that I CAN do this. Although, I do check on the kids before I go to bed (yes, I do watch their little tummies to make sure they are in fact breathing (my husband thinks I am nuts). My dh has always put a lot of faith in the human body and its survival. When the baby can roll over and support his head, he/she should be able to keep himself alive while sleeping. Just like the body's ability to know to open the mouth and breath when the nose is plugged up (except newborns who have a hard time with this and are obligatory nose-breathers).
I have the monitor on all night. We have the type of crib mattress that does not have any off-gassing, we do not vaccinate - some things that have been linked to SIDS. I really think that I would've had a harder time with this if my dh wasn't so darn practical and no-nonsense. He has talked some sense into me a lot of times.
I plan on co-sleeping with this new baby for as long as I can do it. I am hoping that I figure out a way that allows me to get some sleep because I really would love to co-sleep longer than 9 months. But if i can't, I know I will feel secure with the way we have done things with our other two.

I'm so glad that your hubby is the practical one. My fiance feels the same way I do. Yikes! I wonder what that will mean for us!


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deer Hunter* 
I don't think I'm way over the top.

I hate to be the bearer of news you don't want to hear, but yes, you are way over the top.









To live terrified of anything isn't good. You can be cautious and work to keep your little one safe - but terrified actually will cause you to miss the subtle clues that something might be wrong. This is really well expained in a GREAT book by Gavin de Becker called The Gift of Fear. I have bought a dozen copies; I give it as part of graduation gifts for all our babysitters.

I understand and appreciate the mama instinct we have. It is good. I remember staying up ALL night watching my firstborn sleep the first night we were home from the hospital. She slept in a bassinette next to our bed. My dp slept next to me in bed. I sat on my side of the bed and watched her chest rise and fall. But that was just that first night. She did sleep in that bassinette in our room for three months (like all of our kids did) and then into a crib in her own nursery down the hall. Baby monitor set up. Check on her before I went to bed for the night. But that is it.

You may choose to have a family bed when you have kids of your own. But I hope it is because you feel that is best for everyone in your family, not because you are terrified not to.


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deer Hunter* 
I just feel safer that the young babies are right where I can keep watch on them, since they are so dependent for every little thing. i feel like I can keep them from becoming tangled up in the crib, from getting tangled in clothing and blankets, or from choking in the night. Those things, I feel like I could prevent if they were with me that I would otherwise not be able to if they were down the hall in their own room. This is how I feel, that's all.

Newborns and infants should not sleep with blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, or other things they can get tangled up in. Modern cribs are manufactured to stringent safety standards so that babies can't get tangled up in them either. And I have trouble imagining what a baby could choke on in the middle of the night - pacifiers are not choking hazards, nor are bottles. In other words, it's not necessary to be there to deal with these problems, which are best prevented by simple precautions in advance.

We didn't really start co-sleeping until our son was ~4 months old, and even then it wasn't every night (we did that between 9 and 12 months before settling him back into his own crib, which we did because we realized we were all keeping each other awake). We made sure the crib was safe, we hooked up a baby monitor, and we didn't worry at all about leaving DS alone in the crib - we could hear him, it was all fine.

He's two now, and he insists on sleeping with a pillow, a blanket, a towel, three cloth diapers, and a bear. I remain unworried that he will get problematically tangled in these things - he's quite capable of untangling himself. The challenge is finding all of them in the middle of the night when he's flung them about and wants to be tucked back in.


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## CrunchyChristianMama (Dec 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeepyCat* 
He's two now, and he insists on sleeping with a pillow, a blanket, a towel, three cloth diapers, and a bear.









That's great! I used to watch a little girl (about 18 mo.) who HAD to sleep with her shoes. As a shoe lover myself I just had to laugh.


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## Sasharna (Nov 19, 2008)

I cosleep with my baby. I just wanted to say that I can identify with your fear. I do not think your fear is unwarranted just because it is unlikely that anything bad would come to pass if you left a baby sleeping in another room. We are meant to have instincts we don't fully understand, imho, and I think those instincts are valid reasons for certain choices. I may be "needlessly" afraid that my baby could stop breathing while I'm not around, but if that feeling keeps me by his side and if cosleeping is beneficial for reasons unknown to myself consciously (which I do believe it is... just like I believe eating whole foods benefits our bodies even more than we currently understand), then my instinct has served its true purpose.

That said, I think my own fear is magnified by the death of my nephew. Although he died from causes entirely unrelated to what we're talking about, I am extra mindful of the fact that my family is not immune to sudden tragedy. Just out of curiosity, have you been close to someone who died young?


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## SoxMama (Jul 7, 2009)

It's great that you know what would work for you...unfortunately that might not be what works best for your baby. I coslept for the first three months, then DS slept in a crib for the next two months sidecarred to our bed. Then for the next month he slept in the crib in our room as far away from the bed as possible. The older DS got, the more our movements and noises would stir and wake him. It wasn't fair to him so reluctently we moved him into his own room at 6 months. He has never slept better. The thing that amazes me is that this kid can sleep through heavy thunderstorms but as soon as you step foot near him, he can sense you and starts shifting around.

One thing that kept my mind at ease was having a video monitor. The thing is so sensitive that I can see his chest rise and fall and hear him breathe if I really want to. It works for us. I wake when I hear him start shifting around and I can see on the monitor whether he is waking or whether he is just shifting positions without disturbing him.

Just make sure to keep an open mind. AP is all about doing what is best for your child, not just what is best for you.


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

DD coslept with me for a couple years, and really liked to come sleep with me even when she was four and five.

DS coslept early on, and then moved into his crib at about 4-5 months old, as that's where he slept best.

I am someone who believes that kids do need to learn to fall back to sleep on their own, but that doesn't mean I make them CIO. With both kids I started them napping on their own in the crib during the day, then I started putting them down to bed in their crib in the evening, and brought them to bed to nurse through the night. With DD that meant she fell asleep again with me, but DS preferred going back to his crib when he was done nursing. He is still (for a very short time) in our room while his is being renovated, at just over age 1. He'll be moved to his own room sometime this week. I'll probably get a monitor, but I'm not certain yet.

I try really hard not to get into the 'egad, I'm not crunchy enough!' wars. We just go with what works for our kids and our family.


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## Liam's Mum (Jan 9, 2007)

We're all over the place -- some co-sleeping, some crib sleeping, sometimes in the same room, sometimes different...Both boys start off their night in their own rooms though they are free to join us and/or we go to them. Even when they were in cribs in their own rooms, though, I agree with others, I still responded every single time, it was not a case of trying to force independence or anything. Yeah, I was worried when I had my first that I might not hear him, even with a monitor, what if I slept through his waking? It became pretty clear pretty quickly I would wake on his first stirring, sometimes even before he was fully awake. So no, I was not living in fear nightly.

There really are some babies that sleep better with space, and that can be hard for parents that go in dedicated to co-sleeping (just as it can be a hard lesson for parents going into it thinking baby MUST sleep in a crib in a different room when baby doesn't agree with that!) Mine don't seem to sleep "well" close or not, so we tend to do whatever gets us all the most rest at that time!







And always, always responding as needed.


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## moonmom08 (Feb 22, 2009)

My 14-month old is in our room, in her own crib, which is what we have always done. When she wakes and nurses and does not want to go back to her crib (or I'm too tired to stay awake till she's finished), I keep her in bed and that's fine. She's this odd little thing that NEVER fell asleep nursing...she would pull off and seal her lips so tight you couldn't get a crowbar in







. And often, she is quite content to go back to her crib after nursing. Anyway, we've had this arrangement since day 1.

I still check that she is breathing *almost* every night when I come to bed . Or if I happen to get up at night. I've done this since she was born. I've done it whether she was in bed with me or in her crib. I am not sure that it is instinct...I actually think it has more to do with the fact that I didn't have much experience with babies until I had my own. So yeah, I guess fear and nervousness. It's a habit I'd kind of like to get out of, but I don't feel its really controlling me, so for now I'll worry about other things. But that is just me. That said, I did not cosleep out of fear for my child's life. That just was not what it was about for me.

To speak to fear in general, I hope that fear isn't a major part of having motherly instincts. Protectiveness, yes; vigilance, yes; even worry, yes; but not fear. I feel that there is quite a lot of pressure to parent out of fear and I would like to resist that, even though the result might be the very same parenting choices I've made via another route. I don't believe fear a very useful feeling to act on. It's totally a valid and understandable emotion, but I just think that acting on it is paralyzing, and it prevents me from adapting and being flexible, which I find to be the style of parenting that works for me.

So if you are wondering "HOW?!", I guess the short answer is, I work very hard not to make decisions based on fear, even if I am afraid.

OH and re: the LO that slept with her shoes, I know a little girl that pushes her shoes around in her stroller  Her mommy is a shopper and couldn't be more thrilled!


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

we moved dd2 into her own room in a bed at 12 months. she sleeps all night. dd1co-slept for 3 years...


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

We co-roomed with ds for 5+ years, we coslept with dd for 2+ years, never set up a crib. With dd2 she slept in our room in her own space (bassinet then crib) for about 3-4 months then we moved her to her own room across the hall. I'll admit we all sleep SOOO much better, we were all keeping each other awake at night. At the begining it was very strange to have a baby that young sleeping "so far away" but I've got to tell you after a few nights of 4-5 hour stretches of sleep you learn to appreciate and love it.


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## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

I have to say that I do understand the fear and it is very valid.

It is not over the top and I dont believe that anyone should tell you that it is.








we all fear things that we do not know and you dont know anything but cosleeping with your baby... it works for you and it is good for babies. I am the same way, I also would be quite scared if my children didnt sleep with me. Our oldest child sleep in a bed in our room and our almost 1 year old sleeps in bed with us. My happiest moments are the mornings when i wake up to a toddler in my arms and an infant on my breast... I know that cosleeping reduces the chances of me missing out in something that my children will need especially when they are sick or very tiny... it even reduces the instances of SIDS!

Do not feel bad because you are afraid of this, it might be that your children need it and your instinct is telling you this.

I dont know how parents do it without cosleeping because I personally havent but they do. They are all good parents, and they manage to find ways that work for them while still being attentive to their children's needs. I cant answer your question as to how, but I know that many do and that it works.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not crazy for being scared of it. As a mother of young children I would be scared as well. Hence why I dont do it.


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## calpurnia (Sep 26, 2004)

we moved dd from her sidecarred crib into her own room at around 6 months. she's a really light sleeper & was waking up every hour, what with us rustling the duvet & turning over in bed







whenever i share a room with her now when we're away we're back to waking every hour. in her own room she wakes 3 times a night.

anyway, i don't remember ever worrying about her dying in the night. by the time she was in her own room she was past the high risk age for SIDS, & she's always been such a healthy, bolshy little thing (i realise that's neither here nor there, but i think it changes my perception in a way it might not if she were frail)

we have a baby monitor on all the time & i go to her whenever she cries.

the odd times she's slept for unaccustomed lengths of time & i wake up with engorged breasts i have worried actually - but i go & check on her & she's always fine. i think of the boobs as an alarm that it's too long since i've seen her.


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## HeatherRenee (Apr 3, 2009)

I just wanted to say that, it's ok to be a little worried, that's the mother instinct in you... but not to be terrified over everything.. you'd end up putting baby in a bubble.







I co-slept with all three of my boys. My older two decided to be in their own beds.. DS1 was about 1.. DS2 was 2. DS3 still sleeps with us at 17 months. We never had a problem sleeping. It's not for everyone, that's for sure.







Do I judge moms who put their children in a crib in another room? Nope! That works for them, and I think that's great. Will I say anything bad about them? Nope! I will say what I believe, but I will NOT put them down for it.









My point is, if you think it's safe and better to have baby in bed with you, then co-sleep. If you can't, but are afraid to leave baby in a crib, then get a mattress monitor, a baby monitor and check on them.


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## Dame (Aug 30, 2007)

DD slept in her own room from about 2 weeks of age but one of us slept on the futon in the living room just outside until she was 3-4 months. We tried co-sleeping early on but she got no sleep, we got no sleep and in fact, she didn't start sleeping well until she was in her own bed. Besides one of us being outside her room (with the door cracked open), we also had a monitor so we could hear everything.
DD went through a period about a month ago (at 12 months) when she wanted to co-sleep with us so we did until she wanted to go back to her own bed.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

All three of mine slept in cribs in other rooms from about 2 weeks old on. Our house was small and we kept the doors open, so I could hear them about as well as if they had been in the same room. I am a terrible sleeper and have a hard time sleeping with anyone in the bed. They slept all night from about 1 month on and napped in their cribs also. Luckily, they were all very good sleepers and nappers. We co-slept occasionally (vacations, ill babies, etc.). My two sons shared a room, so I think that helped. They kept each other company. The only fear I had was the first night my son slept through the nite. When I woke up in the morning, I was afraid to go in his room! He was sleeping like a baby!  The only baby I know in real life that died of SIDS was a co-sleeper. Hopefully, your fear will disappate when you have a child.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeepyCat* 
Newborns and infants should not sleep with blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, or other things they can get tangled up in. Modern cribs are manufactured to stringent safety standards so that babies can't get tangled up in them either.

What about the recent crib recall? Cribs are deemed safe only until they are recalled because someone's bundle of joy dies. I do not want my baby to die in a crib that I think to be safe.

And I have trouble imagining what a baby could choke on in the middle of the night - pacifiers are not choking hazards, nor are bottles. In other words, it's not necessary to be there to deal with these problems, which are best prevented by simple precautions in advance.

I choked on my vomit during the night, and that could not have been prevented in advance. If I were in my own crib in my own room, I would have died. I would not be here today. I'm thankful that I was in my mother's room.

We didn't really start co-sleeping until our son was ~4 months old, and even then it wasn't every night (we did that between 9 and 12 months before settling him back into his own crib, which we did because we realized we were all keeping each other awake). We made sure the crib was safe, we hooked up a baby monitor, and we didn't worry at all about leaving DS alone in the crib - we could hear him, it was all fine.

He's two now, and he insists on sleeping with a pillow, a blanket, a towel, three cloth diapers, and a bear. I remain unworried that he will get problematically tangled in these things - he's quite capable of untangling himself. The challenge is finding all of them in the middle of the night when he's flung them about and wants to be tucked back in.

Your little one sounds so adorible!







You sound like a great mother.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sasharna* 
I cosleep with my baby. I just wanted to say that I can identify with your fear. I do not think your fear is unwarranted just because it is unlikely that anything bad would come to pass if you left a baby sleeping in another room. We are meant to have instincts we don't fully understand, imho, and I think those instincts are valid reasons for certain choices. I may be "needlessly" afraid that my baby could stop breathing while I'm not around, but if that feeling keeps me by his side and if cosleeping is beneficial for reasons unknown to myself consciously (which I do believe it is... just like I believe eating whole foods benefits our bodies even more than we currently understand), then my instinct has served its true purpose.

That said, I think my own fear is magnified by the death of my nephew. Although he died from causes entirely unrelated to what we're talking about, I am extra mindful of the fact that my family is not immune to sudden tragedy. Just out of curiosity, have you been close to someone who died young?

I almost died when i was a baby, and if I was in my own room, I would have.

I was sleeping in a cradle next to my mom's bed. She told me that during the night, she awoke to my choking. I was choking on my vomit and turning colors. She yanked me up, beat on my back, and managed to get me breathing again. I do not want to think about if I were in my own crib in my very own room. The choking was so subtle and so quiet that a baby monitor would not have picked it up, according to my mother. Being with her saved my life.

i'm so glad to be alive today.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *almadianna* 
I have to say that I do understand the fear and it is very valid.

Thanks for understanding. It means a lot to me.

It is not over the top and I dont believe that anyone should tell you that it is.








we all fear things that we do not know and you dont know anything but cosleeping with your baby... it works for you and it is good for babies. I am the same way, I also would be quite scared if my children didnt sleep with me. Our oldest child sleep in a bed in our room and our almost 1 year old sleeps in bed with us. My happiest moments are the mornings when i wake up to a toddler in my arms and an infant on my breast... I know that cosleeping reduces the chances of me missing out in something that my children will need especially when they are sick or very tiny... it even reduces the instances of SIDS!

I would have died if I was sleeping in my own room when I was a baby. That is a fact. My mother told me.

Do not feel bad because you are afraid of this, it might be that your children need it and your instinct is telling you this.

My fiance tells me the same thing. I have no children of my own yet; however, I am this way with any baby that is ever in my care. I just cannot allow someone so helpless to be far away from me. I can't bear it. I feel that it will be the same way with my own when I do have them. This is just how it is with me. I do not know what I will do if one of my babies does not want to cosleep. I will just have to pray to God a whole lot and ask for the strength to do what is best for my baby.

I dont know how parents do it without cosleeping because I personally havent but they do. They are all good parents, and they manage to find ways that work for them while still being attentive to their children's needs.

Absolutely! They are wonderful parents! It shows. Just because they are not like me does not make them any less of a good parent. I just have my way of feeling and doing.

I cant answer your question as to how, but I know that many do and that it works.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not crazy for being scared of it. As a mother of young children I would be scared as well. Hence why I dont do it.

I don't really understand why I'm scared but then again I do. I believe it was the fact that I almost died when I was a baby and the fact that I would have if i was down the hall in my very own nursery. Perhaps, it is subconscious, too.


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deer Hunter* 
I don't really understand why I'm scared but then again I do. I believe it was the fact that I almost died when I was a baby and the fact that I would have if i was down the hall in my very own nursery. Perhaps, it is subconscious, too.

I think you just figured it out!


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