# No heartbeat at 17 weeks



## LisaG (Feb 23, 2003)

Feels odd to have views and no responses, so I'm removing my post as much as possible. Not sure if the topic of D&E is taboo here or......

Filling back in what was missing - I had a regular ob appt. this past Thursday. I'd been feeling really anxious about this appointment, but wrote it off as "normal" pre-appointment anxiety. It was my 1st appt. without an u/s. I joked with the nurse "so, this is what a regular ob appointment is like". She pulled out the doppler and scanned and scanned and scanned. Nothing except my heartbeat. I was then taken to the u/s room and my doc did an abdominal u/s. As soon as we saw the baby I could see there was no heartbeat. My doc took his time and was very thorough, looking and looking to make sure. He asked if he could do a transvaginal u/s just to confirm, even though he was 99.9% sure. I agreed. We got a good look at the heart and there was no heartbeat. The baby was not moving either, unlike before.

My doc offered a D&E, he also said I could by all means miscarry on my own and that women had been doing that long before there were doctors. He said the one advantage of the D&E was that they could do an amnio before the surgery as well as culture some of the placental tissue to perhaps confirm or rule out genetic problems. I decided to do the D&E. Miscarrying on my own felt completely overwhelming.

This is my 4th loss. The first two were between 10-11 weeks. I had D&Cs for both of those, although was bleeding heavily prior to them. I don't think I needed a D&C for my 2nd one since the bleeding had slowed. My 3rd loss was my daughter's twin. We lost that baby before 14 weeks, after seeing both heartbeats at 12 weeks. That baby was reabsorbed. I have a pretty complex reproductive history - born with a uterine birth defect that was surgically corrected years ago before ttc. My RE thought that scar tissue/leftover septum could have been the cause of my first 2 m/c - perhaps the embryo's implanted on tissue that didn't have an adequate blood supply. I had a lap/hyst to clean that up and successfully carried my daughter afterwards (altho we did lose her twin). We opted to do IVF to conceive her after ttc for 2+ years post 2nd loss. I was so burned out from ttc on our own.

It was such a relief to conceive on our own this time around without high tech. I really hoped we'd make it this time. I was doing everything I knew to do to take care of this little one - supplements out the ass, progesterone cream & suppositories, chiropractor, osteopath, bodytalk, bodywork. Everyone felt things were going well. Not that any of us have a crystal ball. The bodytalk practitioner and I would laugh and joke about the personality of this little one and how he/she would give me a run for my money.

The hardest thing for me is thinking about being pregnant again and going through all the worrying and anxiety and wondering. It's just overwhelming to think about. And I realize it's way too soon to have any sort of healthy frame of mind about it. For whatever reason, this time around I never felt like our "safe zone" was after 13 weeks. I kept thinking "if we make it past 16 weeks, then we'll be good". I just thought I was being paranoid.

Grieving is so tiring. I'm grateful though that this time we have our daughter and there's not the added despair over whether or not we will ever have a child.

Thank you for listening and for reaching out.


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## MegEliz (Feb 21, 2011)

I was on here earliere and tried to respond to you but it wouldn't let me type in teh reply box - I will say that I have been thinking about you all day. I have no idea what a D&E is honestly but if youchose is your business. you have to dod what works for yuo and your husband. I hope that you do take osme sort of time to remember this life ~ I am hoping that they can give you answers. I def am sending prayers your way .


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## LisaG (Feb 23, 2003)

Thank you. This forum was such a comfort my first time around and it felt so odd to not hear anything back from anyone. I wasn't sure what was going on.

Yes, I will take time to honor and celebrate this little one. D&E is short for dilation and evacuation - in short, removing the baby. The surgery went as well as it could this morning. I'm tired but holding up. It is a great comfort to have my little girl here this time around. It at least removes the "will we EVER have a child" piece of things. Although I can see that processing grief and being a mama will be a tricky balance.

Thank you again for reaching out.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

Oh mama. I didn't see this post earlier and now I can only read the title. I'm so sorry for your loss.














I hope you and your family can journey to peace.







for your little one


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## KayTeeJay (Jul 22, 2008)

I'm so, so sorry mama. Many







coming your way.


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

I'm so sorry, mama. I didn't see this until just now.


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## Syriani369 (Jan 28, 2011)

So sad....just had a m/c myself. Heartbreaking.....Im so sorry


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## MegEliz (Feb 21, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LisaG*
> 
> Thank you. This forum was such a comfort my first time around and it felt so odd to not hear anything back from anyone. I wasn't sure what was going on.
> 
> ...


i am glad to hear that everything went smoothly. I wish you patience and compassion. I find that grieving over my MC's is very difficult with my kids around bc i don't want to upset them but i have had moments where my patience is thing and i snap and then feel like a horrible mother. Take the time for yourself if you can . I am definitely keeping you and your family close to my hear (hugs)


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## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

Oh, mama, I am so sad for you. I am sorry for your family's loss. I hope you are getting a chance to rest and recover today. I agree that it is so hard to figure out how to balance our normal desire to be nurturing as mothers with the need to nurture ourselves and be taken care of in a physically and emotionally painful time. I hope you have lots of support and care during these hard days.

Sending hugs, mb


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## maxnmaizy (Feb 23, 2005)

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Wishing you health and healing.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

I just saw this post as well, wish I could read more than the title. I went in for a u/s at 16 wks 4days and we had no hb. We chose to induce and birth at home. There were healing things about doing it that way but it made things a lot harder in a lot of ways too. There are several posts I have seen of people that have chosen to have a D&E so that definately wasn't the issue.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing my son has definately been one of the hardest things that I have done. Pm if you would like.


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## LisaG (Feb 23, 2003)

Nicole, I filled in the missing pieces of my story. Thanks for your reply.


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## starling&diesel (Nov 24, 2007)

Such sad news. I'm so sorry for your loss.







How devastating for your family.


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## Blue Light (Feb 21, 2008)

I am so sorry mama and your 'story' is so heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing.


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## sagewinna (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm so sorry.  Thank you for sharing your story.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for all you have gone through! I am sorry, I have not read your entire post, but your first lines about editing made it sound like you needed to hear from someone. A 17 week loss is devastating. I am just so sorry!!!

I will come back later and try to read your entire post. I skimmed over it but then someone came in to complain to me about her French class so I cannot finish reading now. I am sorry.

((((hugs)))))


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## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss and all you've been through. Many women here have had a D&E performed for second-tri losses and I can totally understand finding it too devastating to wait to miscarry. My third loss was after the birth of my living son so I understand how comforting it is to have a little one to cuddle as you go through the exhausting process of grieving.

Thinking of you and your little one...


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## MegEliz (Feb 21, 2011)

glad you decide dto repost your story ~ been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are doing (hugs)


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## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

Lisa, I have also been thinking of you. I didn't realize this was your fourth loss - not that grief is cumulative, and each experience is unique and its own, buy my goodness, I can really hear how exhausting you say it feels emotionally. I am so sorry for all that you have gone through, mama.

Thinking of you in this process of healing. Sending hugs and wishes for peace to you.

mb


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## LisaG (Feb 23, 2003)

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you. I truly appreciate you taking the time to post and your caring. It means so much to me.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss. I believe in the same situation I would choose the D&E as well.

I hope you can get some answers, and I am thinking of you today, hoping for healing and peace. :hug


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Oh, Lisa, I am so sorry to hear this.







Lots of love and thinking of you.


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## Milk8shake (Aug 6, 2009)

Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss(es).

P&BL is probably the least judgmental forum here on MDC, and many women here have had to make tough choices.

We do our best to support each other, regardless.

I also have a uterine abnormality, and it appears that you have a good understanding of the issues.

I just wanted to make sure that you are aware of the MA yahoo group? Although I don't have a septate uterus, there are many, many women on that forum who have, and they have a wealth of knowledge. Unfortunately, there are a multitude of doctors that claim to have experience in MAs, but really know nothing. Personally, I've been misdiagnosed, and was even given a tubal ligation when I was about 20 to "fix" my problem.

Best of luck with it all mama


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## LisaG (Feb 23, 2003)

Thank you Adina!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Milk8shake*
> 
> I just wanted to make sure that you are aware of the MA yahoo group? Although I don't have a septate uterus, there are many, many women on that forum who have, and they have a wealth of knowledge. Unfortunately, there are a multitude of doctors that claim to have experience in MAs, but really know nothing. Personally, I've been misdiagnosed, and was even given a tubal ligation when I was about 20 to "fix" my problem.


Yes, thanks so much. The Yahoo group was a huge help when I first discovered my uterus was not as I had always assumed it was. I actually had a nearly complete bicornuate uterus. They usually don't surgically correct them but I also had pretty large fibroids that needed to be dealt with, so I opted to have them do the full renovation while they had me opened up. There are things I'd do differently in retrospect (altho I don't regret having the surgery) but I'm fairly confident that my uterus is in good shape now since my last lap/hyst with my IVF doc.

So sorry to hear about your uterine adventures. It boggles my mind how ignorant some (most) docs are about this situation.


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## LisaG (Feb 23, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mistymama*
> 
> I am so very sorry for your loss. I believe in the same situation I would choose the D&E as well.
> 
> I hope you can get some answers, and I am thinking of you today, hoping for healing and peace. :hug


Thank you Candace, I really appreciate your kindness. It's hard to know what to do when faced with the decision. At this point I don't have regrets about the D&E. Although I do wonder some about what our baby looked like, I'm not sure that seeing the baby this early in the pregnancy would have really helped me know.

I have a follow-up with my doc April 7th and I'm guessing they'll have the test results back by then. I go back and forth about my preferred out come. On one hand it would be nice to have a definitive answer if it was genetic, on the other hand it'd be nice to know that the genes were fine - although not sure how much I'll then worry about not having a definitive answer.

Overall, I'm feeling like I'm doing well with it all. I don't feel like I'm avoiding my feelings or stuffing them and at the same time I don't feel like I'm drowning in them either, fortunately.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Lisa, sorry, I just now came back and saw this. I've had a hard time being at MDC since my son Gavin passed away at 10 weeks old.

We are seeing genetics on April 5th, so trust me, I totally understand. They don't believe Gavin's lissencephaly was genetically based (and all chromosomes were normal) but having answers is so important so we can know where to go from here. I'm not sure we are going to really get any answers - and that is scary.

I will be thinking of you April 7th - please come back and check in, I would like to know how you are doing.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

I am so very sorry


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## chiefmir (Apr 16, 2010)

I am so very sorry for your losses... and for the rough fertility road you've had. Wishing you peace and happiness on whatever the next part of your journey is.


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