# Missed Miscarriage



## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

So...I'm sitting here waiting for something to happen. I have a dead embryo inside me. It's been dead for probably about 2 weeks now. I haven't felt anything physical, although I had a gnawing feeling this entire pg that something just wasn't right...no real pg symptoms. I don't have any signs, symptoms or feelings of miscarriage. I've had 3 early ones before so I sort of know what's supposed to happen. My cervix is still firmly closed. I have no pain or cramps or spotting or bleeding. The last time I took a hpt was 6/22 (I should've been just about 10 weeks) and the line came up right away and is very, very dark. That tells me my hcg is still very high. With my previous miscarriages, the hpts got lighter and lighter until there was nothing.

What can I expect? Is there anyway to know how or when this will happen? Does any of this mean maybe it won't happen?

TIA


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## jtrt (Feb 25, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss......

I have had two missed miscarriages. With my first loss of this nature, I waited a week after discovering via u/s that the baby had died and then requested medical management with cytotec. The actual miscarriage occurred many days later but I was pleased to avoid a D&C. With my second silent miscarriage in March, I requested cytotec at the u/s appointment that showed our baby had died. I took the first dose Thursday night and my tiny baby was passed Friday morning.

I share these experiences only to illustrate that it can be different with each pregnancy. Both of my silent miscarriages occurred at 9w+. In the first, baby stopped developing at 6w+ and in the second case, we saw baby's heartbeat at 8w1d and the u/s at 9w3d showed baby had died. My body was much more reluctant to let go of the pregnancy that had ended much sooner. No rhyme or reason...

My hpts were + for weeks after all of my losses.

I am so sorry for your loss. And for the pain you are suffering while you wait... If it is any consolation to you, please know that you are not alone. Gentle hugs to you, momma.

Amy


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

i'm sorry, mama. i hope you don't have to go through this alone. do you have someone there with you?

i lost a baby at 14 weeks (but had died at 10). as for what to expect, i waited a week after we found that the baby had died and it was definitely a rough time. i went walking and took some herbs from my m/w but in the end, i think it just came when it wsa ready.

i had a few hours of pain one night, then i was able to sleep for a few hours and then the baby passed with not much pain at all, just a few contractions. my baby came out fully formed, if that's something you're curious about.

(((hugs))) as you wait. i know it sucks.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thanks. There's a sort of strange comfort in the fact that I'm not alone. I kind of wish I were the only who had to experience this but it is comforting to know that there are others who understand what I'm going through and how I feel.

The doc I saw said I could wait up to 4 weeks. If nothing happened by then, I should call to get cytotech. He said I shouldn't need a d&c since the embryo is so small. My body should be able to expel it without assistance. I'm stuck in this sort of limbo. I'm afraid to go anywhere because I don't know when or how it will happen.

I am sort of alone in this. I have some friends but my dh is not here. I have no way to contact him directly. I have sent a letter that he will hopefully get in a few days. A friend suggested I get the doc to call the Red Cross to contact my dh. That would mean his command might make every effort to have him call me asap. I might try that on Monday if I don't hear from him over the weekend. Although I would like to talk to him, I also don't think it would make much difference. I mean, how much comfort can you get over the phone from thousands of miles away?


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

oh, hon. i'm sorry, i did see that in your sig that your dh is away right now. more (((hugs)))

i always thought that my baby took so long to come out because my body was mourning.

i do remember that feeling of limbo. the farthest i went was a short walk around the block.

i wish i could come sit with you and let you cry on my shoulder. i know how hard it is and especially lonely with your dh gone.

i'll be thinking of you.


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## YesandNo (Mar 16, 2008)

I am so, so sorry.

This morning I had a D&C for a similar situation - and I was not as far along as you. Maybe 7 weeks. After suffering the emotional loss of a miscarriage I wanted closure, not waiting every day for when it would happen. And honestly I did not want to experience the miscarriage, it would be like experiencing the loss all over again.

My doctor offered a D&C or to let me wait. I called the next day requesting the surgery..... and at that point I asked what most women chose to do. She said most got a D&C. So you might want to get a second opinion.

I was sedated throughout the procedure, I have had light (less than a period) bleeding afterwards, and they gave me prescription motrin for cramps. I'm not in any (phsyical) pain 12 hours later. And they did offer to let me take the remains home and I felt respected throughout the whole process. I'm glad I did it.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I have gotten a 2nd opinion from my MW. We've both agreed that it's best for me to wait. I know a lot of people have had d&cs and say it's not that difficult, no problems, quick recovery. It's still a medical procedure and I don't want one. I'm also not quite ready to let go, yet. If I had a d&c now while there's still some doubt and some hope in my mind, I'd never get over it. I've had an OB tell me before that I would need a d&c because I didn't have a viable pg. That non-viable pg is now 5.5 years old. So, I will wait as long as is safe. If I get past that point, I will get some recommendations from my MW and look in my herbal book for natural remedies. Thanks for the advice and suggestions, though.

I do appreciate everyone's caring and support. I just wish this were all wrong somehow. This was my last chance at another baby. My dh does not want anymore. We were trying to avoid pg when I got pg with this one and my dh was very upset about the accidental pg at first. I have a feeling this miscarriage will just solidify his resolve to not have any more. So, not only am I mourning the loss of this baby, I'm also mourning the end of the reproductive phase of my life.


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## while.im.waiting (Jun 27, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I am also a part of this group of women that has experienced a similiar situation. Here's my short story: Went to my first OB appt on November 25, 2008, I was 9w5d pregnant. No heartbeat was detected, baby measured 9w1d. We had a second ultrasound that afternoon at the hospital, with the same results. My doc recommened I not make any decision right then, but she was supportive of medically intervening or wating for a natural delivery of the baby.
We decided to wait. It was hard. I remember and understand what you mean about not wanting to go anywhere. I had no real idea of what to expect. I wore a pad every time I left the house, and every time I went to the bathroom I wondered if I would find bleeding. I had no "symptoms" of miscarriage, only that my pregnancy sypmtoms had disappeared. I was holding out hope that maybe they just missed the heartbeat. I was also trying to grieve the loss.
On December 17 (3 weeks after my ultrasound) I began spotting. I had very few cramps at that time. By the evening of December 18, I was having regular contractions. After several hours, I delievered the baby. In my case, I did see the 9w embryo. That may be difficult for some, but I will always be glad I held my tiny baby for a short time. (We were also able to bury the baby, but that is a story for another time.)
Following the delivery of the baby, I bled profusely. We knew to expect heavy bleeding, but this was too much to handle at home. We ended up in the ER, I was admitted with a dangerously low blood pressure. My placenta failed to deliver on its own, thus the heavy, uncontrolled bleeding. The on-call OB delivered it for me (avoiding a D&C). I stayed in the hosp for almost 24 hours to recieve IV fluids and for observation.
I continued to have light (similiar to my period) bleeding for a couple of weeks. My body took nearly a month to fully recover from the blood loss.
I hope and pray that I am never in that situation again. And, although my experience was a bit traumatic, I believe I would make the same choice to wait again. The thing we would do differently, is to go to the hospital sooner. Another 30 min or so, and I believe my husband would have needed to call 911.
One final thing, as I was waiting and considering D&C, I had decided that if it came to that point, I would ask for another ultrasound to be very sure there was no more growth of the baby, and no heartbeat. Obviously I didn't get to that point, but I knew I wouldn't be comfortable with a D&C without one last look.

Praying for peace and strength,
Kate


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thanks, Kate. I never thought that it would be delivering a baby. The other miscarriages I had were all so early that I didn't have any cramping or anything. It was just like having regular AF just a week or 2 late and after quite a few + hpts. I was able to collect the tissue from my first miscarriage, which I took to the doctor for testing. Unfortunately, all he ordered was testing to determine if it was, in fact, fetal tissue. They didn't do any testing to try to determine the cause of the m/c. I assume that was because it was my first m/c and the first one isn't take as seriously. If I had known that, I would've specifically requested more testing. I've been wondering about doing that again since this is my 4th miscarriage. I've had some tests run on myself that give some possible reasons for increased risk of miscarriage but nothing definitive.

I think the miscarriage is starting. I had some very light spotting today and am having very, very mild cramping and low backache. I also feel a bit nauseous and have some heartburn. I sure hope things don't get so bad that I have to call 911. I'm the only adult here. My dad offered to come stay with me but I declined. Maybe I should ask him to come jic? He lives about 4-5 hours away and is an old man so, at this point, he probably wouldn't be able to leave until tomorrow morning.


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

I`m so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this alone









I also had a missed m/c and was scheduled for a d/c. It took my body about 2-3 weeks to realize my baby was no longer alive and I started spotting on a Sunday morning. The next week is just a blur as I was bleeding/spotting on and off. Exactly one week after the bleeding started and a day before my scheduled d&c I passed my baby at home.

If you are spotting already, maybe your body is already preparing to pass the baby. It would be really helpful to have someone stay with you not only for emotional support but also to watch your children if you need to go to the hospital.


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## nichole (Feb 9, 2004)

Hey how are you?

I wanted to add something to this. In addition to eating, make sure you don't hang out in a steamy shower too long. I thought a shower would help with the pain, but it just made me light-headed.

I would have lots of pads and some motrin. My midwife told me I was going to gush blood for a while. I think she said 30 minutes. If "the gushing" keeps going on past 30 mins, I was supposed to go to the hospital.

Time has really helped me with the emotional pain of the miscarriage.


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## limette (Feb 25, 2008)

I had a missed miscarriage with my first. The baby stopped growing at 7 weeks but the miscarriage didn't start until 14 weeks. I didn't find out until a couple of days prior to the bleeding. I did it naturally and the miscarriage lasted about a month. I ended up in the ER during the last week because I was bleeding a lot and had retained some tissue. My midwife told me to go in if I was going through more than a pad an hour which I was that day. While there I passed what they assumed was the placenta and the bleeding slowed down. So they sent me home and it finished up a couple of days later.

Hope you're hanging in there okay.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

thinking of you


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Well, I had a tiny bit of spotting twice yesterday, passed a teeny, tiny bit of gray tissue (maybe part of my mucous plug), but nothing since. Is that normal? I continued to have very mild, almost not there, cramping and low backache. I need to pick up my desktop that I was having worked on but I'm afraid to go anywhere.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

that doesn't sound abnormal to me. do you feel better physically? i felt better (physically only, of course) right away after i passed the baby at 10 weeks. the cramping let up soon afterward.

i hope this is over for you soon. (((hugs)))


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## mamallama (Nov 22, 2001)

I'm so sorry









My missed m/c (13wks--demise @8wks) was stop and go for several days until I had a concentrated period of wave-like, labor-like contractions. I passed the bulk of my placenta & tissues then, but it still took several weeks to complete. The hormonal roller coaster was hard to cope with.

I've since heard a lot of missed m/c stories. Almost everyone else has said they completed within a few days of beginning.

Be good to yourself, mama.


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## while.im.waiting (Jun 27, 2009)

How are you doing? Been thinking of you today. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Praying for peace and strength and comfort.
~Kate


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

thanks for asking, kate. i'm not as emotional as i was a few days ago. i'm not sure that's a good thing. every day that passes with nothing happening makes it seem less real.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

My dh called today. He was so sweet. I was afraid he'd be relieved about the m/c since he didn't want anymore babies but he said he wasn't. He sounded like he was still hoping it wouldn't happen. He told me to take it easy, not do anything too strenuous. He said he'd call again as soon as he could.


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## while.im.waiting (Jun 27, 2009)

Glad you got to talk to your hubby today...and that it was a sweet time. Take care of yourself as much as you can. Some things that seem very important can certainly wait.
~Kate


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

marinewife, i'm SO glad you talked to your dh... and i'm even more glad that your fear wasn't true, that he didn't sound relieved.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thanks, ladies.

I guess it's really starting now. I finally decided I couldn't sit around the house doing nothing for weeks waiting and needed to resume my life. After going to the pathology lab at the hospital to set things up for me to bring in my baby for chromosomal testing (and getting a ridiculously large bucket to keep it in), I went grocery shopping. I started bleeding there.

I guess I made it to the lab just in time. They were very nice and said there shouldn't be a problem with getting my baby back. The Dr. said they probably won't do anything other than look at the baby. They'll get all the cells they need for testing from the placenta. I'm grateful for that.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

2 days of light bleeding but nothing more. I thought maybe I was feeling some cramps/contractions this afternoon but they didn't last very long. Is this normal? Shouldn't something more be happening?


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

it's hard to say. your body may just be doing this very slowly and gradually. my baby died at 10 weeks, i didn't find out until 3 weeks later and then it was 1 more week to finally pass the baby. i know it's so hard to wait.


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## mamallama (Nov 22, 2001)

A slow start, or a stop-and-go start can be normal.

My clue (in hindsight) that my miscarriage was about to pick up was the hormonal mood swings. I had cramps and contractions, but for me, they didn't directly correlate until it was well underway.

Honestly, I don't want to be discouraging, but it can sometimes take weeks of waiting.

Are you wanting to help it along? Red Raspberry Leaf tea is good iced.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thanks. I know (knew) it was probably normal but needed some confirmation. I'm not wanted to use anything to help things along because I was still hoping it wasn't true. I guess I could drink some tea now.

However, I woke up this morning to some pretty strong cramps. They've continued for over an hour now. They hurt bad enough that I'm thinking of taking some ibuprofen. I'm hesitant because, although it hurts, I want to feel everything.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I just passed the baby. It is completely in tact still in the sac. I guess the worst is over. I'll take it to the lab for testing tomorrow. Then I'll get it back so I can have a memorial.


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## while.im.waiting (Jun 27, 2009)

How are you feeling? I pray that your health is good, and that the experience will help heal your heart. It is one step of the journey that is over, but I know you still have a journey ahead of you. Take care of yourself. Let us know what you will do for a memorial, when you feel like sharing.

Continued prayers,
Kate


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thank you, everyone, for your help and caring.

For now, I'm going to see if I can have her (I don't know whether or not she's a girl but my 5yo insisted she was and named her Chloe) cremated and put in a tiny urn that I can take with me wherever we go. Since we move a lot, a burial just didn't feel right.

I seem to be fine physically. I don't really have much bleeding and no pain at all. I'm going to take my temperature periodically to make sure there's no infection and keep in touch with my midwife.

I hope this doesn't sound too strange. I took a few pictures of the baby so I'd have something more to remember. If you've ever seen a picture of a 6 week gestational age (8 weeks from lmp) embryo, you know it doesn't look much like a human baby. I also wanted something to show dh so he'd see that she was real. He knows she was real but I don't think he gets to what extent she had already developed in such a short time. Anyway, that's what I did.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

i'm so glad you got to see your baby and that the waiting is over for you. (((Hugs)))

i did the same thing with my 10 week old baby, took a few pictures. it's not strange at all. i'm glad you have them. she was your baby and you have every right to have pictures to remember her by.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I'm so glad that wasn't weird.


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## 3boobykins (Nov 21, 2001)




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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I passed the placenta on the 4th. I took that to the lab yesterday since that's the part the doc said would be best for getting the cells for testing. I hope it wasn't too late. I'll call a little later today to find out when and how I can get the baby back and get the results of the testing. I have a feeling the testing will take a while, maybe about 2 weeks, because they have to grow enough cells and then run the tests on them.

My dh sent me an email yesterday. It broke my heart all over again. Here's what he said, "I was thinking about our phone conversation and remembered that E was the same way (the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat either) but he turned out fine. So just give it some time and see what happens." E is our 2nd child. I was told at my first ultrasound with him that I had an anembryonic sac (blighted ovum) and would miscarry because the doc couldn't find a heartbeat even though we did see a yolk sac and fetal pole. That was because the dates the doc was going by were wrong. He insisted I was 8 weeks based on my lmp although I was only about 5.5 weeks based on when I ovulated. I knew that I told him that but he wouldn't listen. Turned out we saw exactly what was to be expected for a 5 week pregnancy. So, that was a different situation. The dates couldn't have been off with this pregnancy by more than 3 days just based on when dh and I were last together. Anyway, my dh must not have gotten my most recent letter before sending that email...

I've been really sad since I passed the placenta. I guess because that puts an end to it all. I just want my baby back inside me, alive and growing. I want my belly getting bigger instead of smaller. I should be at that point where people look at me and wonder if I'm pg.

I'm sad and angry and don't understand why this keeps happening to me. Is it because I'm still breastfeeding? I realized this is almost a de ja vu. The first time I got pg after having ds2 he was not quite 2yo (just like ds3 was this time) and I was still breastfeeding him. Is my c-section scar somehow interfering with the pregnancies? I've had a hysteroscopy and was told everything looked fine inside my uterus but maybe that was taking the c-section into account. Was it the chiropractic adjustments I had? Maybe I should've waited until after the 1st trimester. Did I not take enough folic acid? I'm not trying to blame myself. I just want some answers.


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## momtolivy (Jun 29, 2005)

I'd had three missed m/cs - all at around the 12 week mark and discovered with an u/s. I had to take cytotec for all three, but ended up with a d/c for the last. There was nothing wrong - I had every test, genetic testing, etc. I then went on the have three healthy pg, another m/c, and I'm currently 18 wks. There was no rhyme or reason to it - the only thing was that i was + for mycoplasma (took 10 days of abx for it), and now I take low-dose asa with every pg.

Please don't blame yourself, these things, as horrible and heartbreaking as there are, just happen....
So sorry.


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## youngwife (Apr 5, 2009)

I just recently went through a miscarriage...and I believe it to have been twins. I am so very sorry for your loss of the hope of loving and holding a new baby; the joy (if it was joy for you) of being pg; and for the baby that did not get to live to see it's loving parents and siblings.

(((HUGS))) and prayers for you!


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## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

MW...







You might like to read Coming to Term. It helped me a lot when I was in the "looking for answers" stage.


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