# Leashes for children? Yes or no?



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

How do you all feel about leashes? I was at a children's museum with my kids over spring break, and there was a mom there with a kid (maybe 3) on a leash. It got me to thinking.

I didn't use a leash, however one of my kids was a real bolter as a toddler. She just didn't stay close and even when she was close her attention would get drawn to something and she'd be off without a word, and fast! I thought about getting a leash for her, and might have if my older child weren't old enough that I didn't have to worry about both of them - and in fact helped me keep track of her.

On the other hand, this child was probably 3, but maybe 4, and was in a play area and was held back from the play due to the leash. I wonder if that's a bit old for leashes, and if about using them inside a safe area (ie without traffic.)

Have you ever used them? Have you ever thought about them? Do you have an opinion on them? AND, do you (like me) think they are reasonable in some cases but question them in others (like for kids a bit older than typical, or in a safe play zone.)

And then on the other hand yet again, it occurred to me that this child might have had special needs that had the parent worried about him wandering off. I didn't notice anything about him that would lead me to think that, but of course I'm not his parent and don't know what's up. I am wondering about them more in general than about this particular mother. I do try to reserve judgement about specifics because I don't know what all is involved, but seeing it did make me wonder in a more general sense about leashes in safe places like that.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

I saw someone using one when we were in Disney in California 2 years ago. Don't have them here I don't think. And I would never use one. Here when you go into a big place like an amusement park, you can get an extra arm band for your child's arm. You write your name, their name and your phone number on it. If they get lost, anyone can take them to an employee or info desk and then they call you or page you. They are used to lost kids, crying kids... they give them coloring books or game or gum or something until you come. I lost my kids once in the mall and they were upset but happy with the gum. I think in the states again I would just put my own arm band on my kids, or write our telephone number on their arm.


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## kitteh (Jun 25, 2009)

I was seriously considering one for my DD when she was maybe 14months old. She was a very early walker (started at 8.5 months! I hope I don't have any others who do that!) so by the time she was about 14 months old she was pretty stable on her feet, and FAST, but had no impulse control and was definitely NOT very consistent about listening to me or DH. She was a bolter, and it wasn't so much the risk of getting lost that I feared as it was just for her general safety. We live in Los Angeles, so our walks to the park or library are frequently near areas with fairly heavy traffic, and she used to head STRAIGHT for the street sometimes!

We never did end up getting one as I was too self conscious about what others might think. Now that she just turned 3 she is much better at listening and complying when we say STOP! and we have been teaching her that she has to stop at alleyways and curbs to check for cars, and that we NEVER cross the street or alley without holding hands. Now I feel much safer bringing her out without the added security of a leash, so from my experience I would say that 2.5 to 3 yrs old and up is too old for a leash. Of course, that's assuming that all 3 yr olds listen and learn traffic safety rules like mine has. It's entirely possible that there are older kids for whom impulse control is still an issue.

I might consider getting one if I had a number of small kids to look after and one was a bolter. I have a feeling that I won't need it for the next baby that is due in June, mostly because DD really likes to be in charge (read: she's bossy!) so I think she will do a good job helping me corral her little sister, if necessary.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

I was going to get one for this summer too. Like ketteh, my son started walking at 8.5 months too and people just don't realize what he's capable of! Normally a kid with the mind set of a 12 month old is just meandering around, falling down, easy to keep track of... my son RUNS! and he's totally unpredictable!








Yesterday while I was trying to get my stroller into the back of my SUV, against my better judgment I thought it would be simpler if I just stood him on the sidewalk (I was parallel parked) and put the stroller in, instead of putting him in his carseat first and then putting the stroller away. I knew I had to watch him so I kept my eyes on him and blindly started throwing things into the cargo area... and he just takes off for no reason down the sidewalk (at least he gave me that!)... so I had no choice but to just drop the stroller, leave my purse which was on the road and run after him... A leash would have been really handy at that point.


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## Jennyanydots (Sep 8, 2011)

I bought one for DS (also an early walker- 7.5 months, unbelievably), because i found it used at a consignment store for cheap and i was thinking it would help me keep him closer and more secure, but it's just been collecting dust. I don't care at all what any observer might think of him wearing it, but it didn't seem practical after all. By the time he was old enough for me to let him walk on his own in public places (besides kids' play areas, where, as PP mentioned, a leash would be too restrictive), he was old enough to start learning to hold my hand. Also, the placement of the cord means that you're tugging the child from behind, and the tension seems like it would knock him off balance instead of gently redirecting him.

We used it once, maybe twice, right after I bought it, just to try it out on a walk from the car into a restaurant. I wasn't impressed, and I really want to keep him closer in dangerous situations like crowds or near the street- I'd rather hold him or hold his hand.

I don't think they're inherently bad, I just didn't find it all that useful. But who knows? I still have it, and he's not even two yet, so we may try again sometime.

ETA: Escaping- I think it would have been useful in that situation, too! Yikes!!


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

Have you ever seen someone being dragged down the street as they tried to walk their dog? Yeah, that was my son LOL. I tried but he would just pull and pull and ended up falling down, which pretty much made me look like the worst parent ever. My son is very spirited!

Even though we only used it a few times, I like them. I think some folks don't like the way they look because of what it reminds them of (a dog being walked on a leash), but if you think about it, they are much more restricted when strapped to you or in a stroller. Not that there is anything wrong with baby wearing or stroller pushing (I did both), but I think some kids just want to be walking, and this is a way they can do that safely.

Anyway nowadays they have really cute ones that look like monkeys and bears. My son loved his.

ETA: just to be clear I did not drag my son, he dragged me! And then he would keep falling. This was when he was about ten months old.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *dalia*
> 
> Anyway nowadays they have really cute ones that look like monkeys and bears. My son loved his.


I saw a monkey one - it was cute. The child wore a small monkey shaped backpack and the tail linked to the mum.

If you have a darter, I say go for it.


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## wrenb (Jan 6, 2009)

I've used mine with both kids now, primarily in airports. DD started using it at 12 months, DS I don't recall when we started, but we were done by 2 1/2. It lets them get the wiggles out while still letting me maintain control in a stimulating adult environment.


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## lovemylab (Jan 7, 2013)

My dd just turned two and in a few weeks new baby will be arriving. I plan on have a backpack style one for her. She is fast and breaks free from holding hands in parking lots. I think until she can understand danger a bit more or listen better she will have to be "leashed". I rather we look silly then her get hit by a car. I just don't seem myself running after her while holding a infant carseat too. Guess you gotta know your limits...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've never seen this discussion go well on MDC, but...

I have no problem with them. I used one with dd1 when ds2 was born. She was two and a bit, and tended to run away. I'd had a c-section and wasn't physically capable of chasing her. My incision was infected, and it was weeks before I could do much more than walk at a slow pace. So, I put her in the harness and we went for walks and/or to the nearby tourist farm. Without that harness, she'd have basically been inside for almost two months. It gave her a ton of freedom, and kept her safe at the same time.

Sure - they can be misused. So can carriers and slings. In most cases, it's not the tool that's the problem - it's the way it's used.

I would have used one with ds2 up to about the age of five, if I'd been able to do so (he'd figured out how to undo the fastener long before that). He looks, and usually acts, like a perfectly normal child, but he does have behavioural issues, and was very prone to darting into parking lots for a long, long time.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> I've never seen this discussion go well on MDC, but...


LOL. I admit I'm sitting here waiting for the storm to begin....


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## Mulvah (Aug 12, 2008)

It isn't my thing, but I don't care what other people use. Personally, I'd prefer to use a wrap or stroller than a leash.


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## 34me (Oct 2, 2006)

I also had an early walker, another 7 monther. He hated the stroller and Really liked to explore places at his own pace and level. We often used one at the zoo so he could explore more independently without having his arm jacked out of the shoulder and myself or my 6'2" dh all hunched over to hold his hand. We gave the other end to his sister who is 30 months older. We got A LOT of weird looks. But it worked for them and us. At 19 and 16 they don't seem to be scarred. He's actually our most independent kid.


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## colsxjack (Dec 9, 2009)

I would use one if needed. With our DD we never needed to. She wasn't a bolter. And never once tried to run into the road. We live in a very busy urban area, and felt pretty safe going for walks with her. She stays on the sidewalk and holds our hand to cross the street.

If one of our boys turns out be be a runner, or impulsive around roads, we will use a leash. I feel it can give a kid some freedom to explore while keeping them safe near roads or in parking lots.

Our nephew was a runner. His parent spent 90% of all of their time out literally chasing after him. He would just run and run. Glad my DD wasn;t like that and really hope my sons aren't. Don;t think we will be going to many places that aren;t fenced in.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *dalia*
> 
> LOL. I admit I'm sitting here waiting for the storm to begin....


Uh oh... dare I ask, what's "wrong" with leashes? It never occurred to me that it would cause strong opinions either way?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

There's an emotional argument about leashes that they are disrespectful of children and that using them amounts to treating children like dogs. Also, I think the image people have in their heads sometimes is people pulling on the leash to move their child, but I've only ever seen them used similarly to holding hands, just to keep the child nearby, but leashes give more freedom because the child has both hands free and a bit more room to move in.

I think it's always been a minority opinion here so it's possible parents with that opinion are shy to get involved in the discussion. Also, I think public opinion in general was more anti-leash once upon a time and people are getting more used to the idea of them, so there might just be fewer parents opposed to them.

Some kids hate being in strollers, and really need to physically move themselves around. IMO it's about knowing your child, like so much else in parenting. Kids have different needs and we need to find the best way we can to meet their needs in a way that keeps them safe. Just like different kids have different activity levels, and so some aren't content in strollers or slings but some area, different kids need different levels of supervision to keep them safe. Some won't wander off, and some won't stay near. Some are afraid of roads and therefore cautious, and some don't get the danger. Some need to be physically kept from bolting every moment, and some are OK just being in arm's reach but not physically restrained.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Escaping*
> 
> Uh oh... dare I ask, what's "wrong" with leashes? It never occurred to me that it would cause strong opinions either way?


Well, I do think the a big part of it is the word "leash" - it conjures up dog images for some people.

Eta: cross posted with mamazee - what she said.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

Oh ok, well that argument is invalid with me and many other of my dog owner friends... their dogs a literally treated better than a lot of children I know ... I'm not talking treating dogs like human children, but feeding them the healthiest possible diet, exercising, stimulating and training them so they're as happy and healthy as possible and all of their needs are met... The physical *tools* that someone uses to keep their child (or dog) happy and healthy don't matter to me in the slightest.

I kind of think comparing a dog to a toddler is pretty fair though, actually. They have roughly the same vocabulary, level of predictability/impulse control and I wouldn't not put my dogs on a leash in much of the same situations that I wouldn't let my son run free, such as parking lots or traffic. It only takes a second for a child to not realize what they're doing even if they were *told* to stay in one place and are normally good listeners.


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## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

We used one for a short time after I said I'd never use one. There was just a period of a few months where he figured out he could run and wasn't quite old enough to understand danger and "stop". He never tugged on it and gave him just the right amount of independence. In fact, he never bolted with it on because he felt he didn't need to pull one over on us. We only used it at airports and things like that, so it wasn't something we used regularly. We only used it in situations where either we'd have our hands full and couldn't stop him running into other people, or we knew we'd be walking along busy streets.

I guess by that time, I was already used to dirty looks about my parenting.


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## lovemylab (Jan 7, 2013)

It's funny I posted early that I am ordering one for my daughter. But if you have asked me even a year ago if I'd even use one I would have laughed. I use to work at an amusement park as a young adult and I also laughed at the families that tethered their kids. People change I guess, priorities and otherwise.


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## Quinalla (May 23, 2005)

I see child leashes as a safety device like any other safety device (carseat, baby gate, etc.). Can it be used incorrectly or overused, sure, but the vast majority of the time it is used to keep the child safe and I think they are great when needed either in tough situations or with a child that is a bolter. I am considering getting one for DD as I will soon have infant twins and I think having one would be nice for wrangling twins + toddler in parking lots and in crowded spaces (zoos, malls, etc.) and it may be nice to have one or two when I'm chasing two beginning walkers and also keeping track of a preschooler







I also plan to use strollers and carriers to help too, but I'm definitely open to using a leash if needed.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

before i was a parent i was vehemently opposed to one.

yeah i would have been the one coming here raising a ruckus.

but after i had dd - oh boy do i understand. however i never used one as dd was not a bolter. but i totally understood if another mom had to use them.

in my friends circle for many moms it was a godsend for the airport.


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## alaskanmomma (May 25, 2011)

I used one for a bit... Sometimes kids don't want to be worn, and it's safer to have them walk with something other than a hand that can be let go of helping out. I got my daughter a leash when she was 20 months and I was heavily pregnant with my son. We were at the mall, and in the split second it took me to swipe my card, she bolted. After that we went straight to Walmart and got one of the cute little animal backpack ones. We only used it as a back up to the stroller/baby wearing when out and about in big public places like the mall, zoo, airport, etc. I also used one while our and about in HI. I didn't know Honolulu/our surroundings, and last thing I wanted was to wrangle two toddlers who decide to run off.

As long as you don't use them to yank on or drag the child, they really are no harm IMO. My kids loved the backpack part of it and hardly noticed in addition to their hand in mine there was also the leash. I do find it odd the mom you encountered was in a play area and still had the leash on :/ I feel they should be used for places you aren't familiar with/they can run off in a second, not a play place, sort of takes the point of going to a play place out.


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

I don't need one with DD but I can certainly see where a specific child might need one for safety in specific situations. For instance we live close to a beautiful big park but getting there requires navigating a very busy, very weird intersection where two main one way roads intersect and intermingle and both become two way. It's not uncommon for nonlocals to make a mistake and drive into a one way portion going the wrong way and it's a very very busy area. My 2 year old stays on the sidewalk nicely, then holds hands to cross the road. She doesn't run ahead more than 3 or 4 feet and never steps off the curb by herself. I fell completely safe walking this route with her. If she was a bolter, I'd definitely have a leash on her but only until we got to the park. Once inside the fence, I'd let her run and explore since the park is very well enclosed and fairly quiet. I try not to judge other parents based on a snapshot. Maybe the leash lets their child experience something that would be completely unsafe without it.


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## grumpybear (Oct 5, 2006)

My kids aren't bolters but I use them when traveling. We have the animal backpacks and while I hold their hand, I wrap the leash around my wrist. It's very handy when I have to momentarily let go of their hand when I have to get something from my purse, etc. I don't see a problem with them.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

"Sure - they can be misused. So can carriers and slings. In most cases, it's not the tool that's the problem - it's the way it's used."

This is the crux of the argument for me.

I've known many, many parents in my early parenting days who who where exceedingly vocal about the evils of having a child on reins (is that a leash? Never heard that word). But their solution to having a kid who was a bolter was to strap them in a buggy (or put them in a carrier). So they would see it as preferable that the kid was confined and unable to run.

We live in an urban area and both my child's safety and his right to exercise were more important to me than what other people thought. When my son was not quite two, and we had a second child, we used reins on occasion. This was a kid who, you opened the front door and he just ran. (He's still like that but more philosophically nowadays







). He was pure energy at that age (he still is-its pretty much impossible to physically tire him out even now he's nearly 10). At the same time we worked a lot on road safety and a big advantage of the reins was that he was physically beside me, making road safety decisions, rather than in a sling or pushchair being passive. We aimed for situations where where could let him off the reins, of course, and talked to him about the whole thing. I'd say by around age 3, he had really good traffic awareness and was also prepared to hold people's hands, and at nearly 10 I'm completely happy for him to wander around the neighbourhood on his own.

For us it was a tool to extend his interactions with the world, to allow him to do things he couldn't otherwise do. The easiest thing in the world would have been to have put him in the double buggy and I did sometimes (I have 22 months between my older two) but the best situation for everyone was for him to be on reins in traffic / river areas and his sister in a sling and he and I walking.

I guess I'm trying to say that I think, usually, there's a reason for what people do. Honestly the only time I've known them used for older kids would be for a serious behavioural infraction (I wouldn't do this but I don't think its the end of the world, if what you're doing is making a kid stay with you rather than letting them go off and beat up littler kids, say) or where there is SEN.


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## LLQ1011 (Mar 28, 2012)

I have never used one but its more because every time I try to help ds be mobile I always cause more harm than good. If he looks like he is going to fall and I try to help him somehow 80% of the time he ends up worse than when I intervened. I just Imagine me knocking him over constantly with one of these things.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Considering my choices, when my daughter was about 18-24 months, were:

A) Child screaming bloody murder and thrasing, while contained in a stroller or shopping cart.

B) Child screaming bloody murder and thrasing, while contained in backpack/sling carrier.

C) Child screaming bloody murder and alternately thrashing/dropping to the floor limp-noodle style, while holding my hand and "walking".

D) Child darting wildly between other pedestrians, potentially being injuredby or *causing* injury or damage to others or objects around her, and me having to chase her around/apologize/fix messed up things while also tending to 3-yo older sibling.

*OR*

E) Child happily walking along while wearing stuffed bear backpack with tether...

Guess which one I'm going to pick?









I actually only used it a few times in that agespan (and probably should have used it more). But it was worth every.damn.penny and nuts to anyone who thought badly of me....I would suggest *they* were welcome to figure out a way to supervise both of my children, in my stead.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

mamazee, I love answering simple questions and sharing my terribly important opinion

I have no problem with a leash (I think they are also called harnesses) )because it is so much better than a stroller and still contains the child if used correctly. My son is ripe for a harness being almost 2, and I don't think I have to explain the multiple locations where a stroller is inconvenient and deprives a child of the exercise and holding hands and expecting a child to cooperate is just unrealistic.

I would probably not use a harness through a busy street with moving cars or other hazards because of the risk of it breaking.


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## escuderom (Jun 26, 2010)

I cannot judge anyone that uses them because we all do our best to manage our children in this society which has changed a lot from the one our parents or grandparents lived in. There are more crowds, traffic, and dangerous streets and I could see how they may be useful. For my first born I usually wore her or sometimes used the stroller but like many mothers that have posted here I now have an early walker and it is so different. She dislikes being worn and to be on a stroller she is very independent and likes to wonder or dart on her own to explore so I am highly considering buying one. She often pulls away from me and wants to dart into the street. For my sanity and her safety I think I should buy one. Actually thank you for this discussion because I didn't even think of buying this item before but reading all the comments above I think it is just what I need for my daughter. All children and parents are different and have different needs, so it is what it is. I believe the name "leash" seems kind of negative comparing child to dog but otherwise it seems like a useful item, as long it is not overused and of course there are safe spaces where a child should be free to explore on his/her own and there will time where my daughter is aware of her safety and I probably wont have any use for it then. It is about balance and moderation and options  now I have one more. Thank you.


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## Triniity (Jul 15, 2007)

I used one of the goldbugs ones, a cute little froggy. They still love it.

DD is spirited, was a bolter, and had severe atopic eczema at both arms and hands, so not a place for secure holding, really. We were very happy with our little backpack, and she never minded. I was able to let her walk, and everybody was happy.

We got strange looks though, but I so don't care.


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## escuderom (Jun 26, 2010)

So which Brands or types do moms recommend? I need to get one badly


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## Katie8681 (Dec 29, 2010)

Funny I should see this thread now, I ordered a froggy backpack/"harness" myself a couple days ago, and pre-toddler I was vehemently anti! My kid is a big time bolter and he's only getting faster, plus my neighborhood lacks sidewalks. I've had to drag him away from traffic one time too many. Airports are a nightmare too. People can give me all the dirty looks they want!


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## Kamiro (Sep 3, 2011)

Quote:


> Sure - they can be misused. So can carriers and slings. In most cases, it's not the tool that's the problem - it's the way it's used.


Exactly.

I've used a leash for all of my children. We hold hands but they are also attached to the leash and the leash is around my wrist. It isn't rainbow and butterfly land out there, and kids can be impulsive----so if a few people give me nasty looks I'm soo willing to take that over a kidnapped kid or kid that is run over.

If I can't carry, a leash is where its at in our family.


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## sageowl (Nov 16, 2010)

Depends on the kid. I know some kids are really impulsive and tend to bolt--so if you have one like that, well, that's why they invented the leash. My younger brother ran off one time on a family vacation overseas (where he did NOT speak a word of the language), and somehow found his way 5 miles back to the hotel we were staying at--needless to say, my mother needed a leash with him. I knew a kid once who was an outright "runner" (as we call them in Special Education), and his parents had him wear an upper body harness because he would just RUN out of nowhere, and there was no catching him!!! He was like a combination track star/Houdini.

So I don't judge people who use them. Not all kids listen. Not all kids have even a speck of sense about personal safety. Some kids could give Usain Bolt a run for his money...yeah.


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## foreverinbluejeans (Jun 21, 2004)

I carried my two oldest when they were toddlers. When my 3rd was born I had mobility issues and mostly had to use a wheelchair. "Leashes" are great for disabled moms, moms with lots of kids, grandmothers, and other caretakers in special situations. I think it is important to not judge people using "leashes" because the the reason may not be obvious. It is always better to give the person the benefit of the doubt then to be critical of a disabled person doing the best they can in a difficult situation.


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## stacielynn (Dec 12, 2010)

I had one for my son. When he first began walking he would dart off without a care in the world. He was all about exploring with no awareness of danger in the world. It did take some getting used to when using it because initially it did knock him off balance, but once he figured it out I think it gave him a lot of freedom to safely explore. I know people judge them, but I really found it gave him more independence to explore in any way he wanted in a safe way. We went on walks with it often and had a nice, relaxing time together. I see parents chasing their new walkers in public place who dart off over and over and they just look stressed, frazzled, and miserable. Once my son figured out the distance it allowed and how to keep his balance, we both truly enjoyed our outings together whether it was a big, crazy place like the zoo, or a nice walk around the block. At that age, he didn't have the understanding to make safe choices. I could have spent our outings together chasing him in frustration, or we could use our "leash" and have a nice time that included him leading the way to safely explore. I really think it provided a space for him to explore independently in a SAFE way, and I could pay attention to what he was interested in the moment because I wasn't worrying about what he was going to do next.


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## kirasmom (Feb 2, 2012)

My daughter refused to sit in a grocery cart or stroller between the ages of 13 and 20 months so we used the leash it went from her wrist to my wrist with a long piece of elastic in the middle while we would grocery shop and in the parking lot. she was allowed to explore to a certain extent without me having to go running after her and I could get my shopping done without worrying about somebody taking her or my purse. I do remember one time I got a nasty look from some other shopper who probably didn't have children and another time I had a mother asked me where to get one.


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## siddal (Nov 9, 2011)

I'm definitely open to it. I have six month old twin girls, and I can tell that they are really wanting to move move move. It wouldn't surprise me if one or both turn out to be early walkers. If they are able to walk with me, holding my hands safely, great. But if not, I will definitely get a tether if needed. Anything that lets us get out and about, safely, in the world and enjoy the day  I have stayed home a lot with them the first six months of their lives (especially during flu season, as they were 3 weeks early). But now they are really enjoying experiencing being outside and seeing new things and people.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

I thought about it with my daughter because she went through a phase where she was walking well but just wouldn't hold my hand. But then overnight she started to be willing to hold my hand. And she is pretty cautious. I wouldn't rule it out if the situation called for it.

This came up on a friend's Facebook recently and I liked the reply that said "You leash a dog because they won't listen when you tell them not to stray from your side and you don't want them to be hurt or lost. Why wouldn't you do the same for a child?"


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## emilyfaith (Jul 19, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> mamazee, I love answering simple questions and sharing my terribly important opinion
> 
> ...


Its funny that you mention it breaking.....after a couple of months of using our monkey backpack harness we went to a street fair/concert. My then 20 month old saw something very exciting and bolted. The leash began to unravel as he ran. Thankfully it was just a crowd of people (no cars) and I laughed so hard watching my husband chase him down. That was the end of our leash experience, although he still loves to wear the backpack at 4 yrs old. I think we have to give parents credit that they know their children better than we do and I think most people use it for safety more than convenience.


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## asummers80 (Mar 13, 2013)

I used one with my DD until she was nearly 4 because she was a bolter. She was an early walker, running by 12 mo, and incredibly independent. I had to buy one because she refused to ride in the backpack or sling. If I put her in the shopping cart she would wiggle out of it and more than once I barely caught her before she dove head first out of the cart. I remember people yelling at me that "my child was not a dog, and I was an abusive parent." I chose to ignore their comments because frankly it was the safest option that worked for us.

As a side note my parents attached me to a leash when I was 7 in Disney Land. They did not put my younger sister on the leash who was 4 because my mom never had to worry about her detaching from her leg. I on the other hand was notorious for seeing something, going after it, and getting lost. I say you have to do what works to keep your kids safe. When my mom saw that I had a leash for my DD her comment was "you are payin' for your raisin'." Apparently apples don't fall far from trees.

If my DS is anything like his older sister I will have a leash when it is time. I am just hoping he doesn't take after his father or we will be frequent fliers at the Emergency Room, and that will be a whole other issue.


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## DHinJersey (Jan 11, 2013)

Fine, I'll be the one to say it. I think leashes are absolutely absurd.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *DHinJersey*
> 
> Fine, I'll be the one to say it. I think leashes are absolutely absurd.


Why?
I've read at least dozens, if not hundreds, of anti-leash comments, and I have yet to see a single one that boils down to anything more substantial than "I think they look demeaning".


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## DHinJersey (Jan 11, 2013)

What exactly do parents think is going to happen if they let their kid off the leash? He's going to vanish in to the ether? People are totally paranoid about their children.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

Did you read the thread? People are worried their kid will run in front of cars or into bodies of water. I'd imagine most parents don't want their children doing these things.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *DHinJersey*
> 
> What exactly do parents think is going to happen if they let their kid off the leash? He's going to vanish in to the ether? People are totally paranoid about their children.


Hoo hoo hoo, boy.....

I've had 2 kids. The first one made me feel like I was the BOMB, AP was the BOMB, and I had it alllllllllll figured out. The second one took all that, flipped it, and reversed it. She brought me to my knees and humbled me. Same gene pool, same parenting, WAY different kid. I used a leash on her for about 6 months when the other options were causing lots of drama and grief. My concern was not necessarily her vanishing into the ether - it was knocking into people or knocking things over, people accidentally running into and hurting her as she darted back and forth, wrenching her hand from my hand repeatedly, darting out into parking lots, out store doors, or into streets after wrenching her hand from mine, running away from me if I called to her, or getting lost in a crowd and having to weave through them to find her - WHILE ALSO SUPERVISING MY 3/4-year old. You only have so many arms and eyes....and when you have a super impulsive bolter/runner, options are limited. "Practicing" did nothing. Leaving places when she would get away from me did nothing, at that age, she was too young to get it. Being housebound for 6 months is ridiculous.

When my options were - containing a child that screamed the whole time because she hated it, chasing after a child when they got out of my grip, or using a leash that she happily wore and allowed us to relax and enjoy ourselves out in public, damn skippy I used the leash. I'd be an idiot not to.

Count yourself lucky if you never have to back off an opinion or ideal.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *DHinJersey*
> 
> What exactly do parents think is going to happen if they let their kid off the leash? He's going to vanish in to the ether? People are totally paranoid about their children.


I live and work in the city... on any given day my son has the choice of running under a bus, streetcar or subway train. My kid is neither slow nor obedient so it's probably in my best interest to be paranoid.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

Me thinks some comments are only made for the sake of being argumentative. Don't take the bait!

I'm proud of my spirited boy who needed a leash! And I'm glad to hear so many moms keeping their kids safe while also granting them some freedom to explore.

Long live the LEASH!!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I just think it's a short time that you have to keep an extra close eye on your child. They outgrow it. In the meantime, hold hands, wear your baby, use a stroller if you need to, or just don't go to a dangerous place.

I have a very serious little bolter (20 m) who doesn't stay close AT ALL. He RUNS the second he is free. I STILL wouldn't consider a leash even for a moment. How is that going to teach him to stay close? It isn't. He's going to run ahead and tug on the harness, and that to me is just incredibly disrespectful to him.

Don't they give a false sense of security to the child?

I would love to go to the zoo or to an amusement park - heck I'd like to go to any park! But with the way he runs off, it isn't possible right now. I'm just going to wait until he's old enough to listen and stay close.

We practice on walks with holding hands and holding the stroller. If he runs, he goes on mamas back or in the stroller (which he is ok with, he doesn't fight it).

I do also think it's use. I see a lot of times, a small child on a harness when there are 2+ adults with them. How hard is it for someone to hold a hand or keep an eye out? I just feel as tho people use it as an excuse not to watch their child b/c they are chained to them and can't get away.

My first wasn't a runner/bolter. She always stayed close and would come back if she ventured too far. Having one now is a total lesson for me, but I still wouldn't choose to use a harness/leash.

that said no, I don't have a problem with moms of multiples or special needs children using them. Idk. I think there might be instances where they are ok but overall I do feel they are overused.


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## Jennyanydots (Sep 8, 2011)

Reading this thread has convinced me to dust off DS's monkey backpack harness and give it another try.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

I just don't understand how it's not okay to put a child on a tether because it's disrespectful to them, but it's okay to strap them to you or in a stroller when their little spirit wants to be walking and exploring. I don't get the logic in that. And to keep them from parks or the zoo because you don't want to use a tether? I actually find that kind of sad. Really, how is a tether anything other than an extension of your hand? I'm not trying to be rude but I seriously just don't get it.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Yes, with one child I did use a leash. She did not stay close to me at all, would run away from me, and we had a couple of close calls. Nor would she agree to be carried, hold my hand, or ride in a stroller. She just did not listen. Holding her hand led to a tantrum on the ground.

My other child was, and still is, a rule-follower and was very mindful at an early age of holding my hand or a bit of my clothing at all times. She did not ever need a leash.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *DHinJersey*
> 
> What exactly do parents think is going to happen if they let their kid off the leash? He's going to vanish in to the ether? People are totally paranoid about their children.


The thought for many people, I'm sure, is that a leash allows more freedom than a stroller or hand holding thing. Many toddlers don't like having to hold their arms up to reach the adult's hand, and may pull more and feel more discomfort with that. So a tether is allow for some freedom in areas where you might otherwise use a stroller or make your child hold your hand.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> I just think it's a short time that you have to keep an extra close eye on your child. They outgrow it. In the meantime, hold hands, wear your baby, use a stroller if you need to, or just don't go to a dangerous place.
> 
> ...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *DHinJersey*
> 
> What exactly do parents think is going to happen if they let their kid off the leash? He's going to vanish in to the ether? People are totally paranoid about their children.


Incidentally, I've used a harness. I'm also quite free range (to the point that I've been chastised for it here at MDC). I never worried that my child would "vanish into the ether". I did worry that she'd run into the street (or a parking lot) or the nasty duck pond at the local farm.

So...I asked you why you think leashes are absurd, and you came back with nonsenical comments about "vanishing into the ether" and paranoia. Does this mean you don't actually have a reason for finding them absurd?


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

I don't get the "disrespectful" thing either. A toddler doesn't have the intellectual capacity to reason "I'm on a leash, dogs are on leashes, therefore I am being treated as subhuman and demeaned." Not even close. I've known toddlers who recognised that being leashed was a bit like being "walked" like a dog, but the ones I knew found that hilarious, not degrading. (We only used a leash on DD a few times, and she used to drop to her hands and feet - not hands and knees - from time and scoot along. I could never figure out if she was trying to be a dog or just liked that particular method of locomotion. Either way, bright child that she was, she was definitely not capable of comprehending an abstract concept like "like dog = demeaning".)

It would be demeaning to have someone on a leash who was capable of being safe in a public space in another way, perhaps. A (normal) twelve-year-old on a leash? Sure. Just like it would be demeaning to put your (normal) 12-year-old in diapers when he could toilet himself, or spoon-feed him puree when he could feed himself adult food. But (EC and BLW aside!) it isn't demeaning to diaper or feed a baby, because she's a baby.

So if the kids don't find it demeaning and the parents don't intend it to be demeaning, and it's developmentally-appropriate, how is anyone demeaning anyone?

Or if the "tugging at the leash" bit is what's perceived as demeaning, well, I don't get that either. If a child is to be restrained from running amok, it will have to be physical restraint, and absent an abnormally good child (who wouldn't need the restraint to begin with), a child will try to escape that restraint if it wants to make for the Mexican border. A toddler will struggle to get out of a sling, twist and writhe to get his hand out of Mum's hand, wriggle her arms out of the straps on a stroller or carseat... How is tugging on a leash any different? And how is the child being demeaned in any of those cases? Frustrated, sure, if she's really determined; curbed, certainly; but demeaned?


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## k x s (May 16, 2012)

well... I don't think leashes work. At least not on some children. My brothers would just tug even harder and pull and drag and I personally couldn't bear dragging or tugging back sometimes it wasn't even safe to do so. If you let go they would fall forwards. Sometimes they just tried to run off and dragged us or caught us off guard because we would just rely on the tug. It just lead to more tantrums and them trying to take it off. Or having to run with them so they don't fall over and causing accidents because it would get caught beneath there feet or because we might be holding the leash in a way that causes whiplash of the leash. Anyway I probably wouldn't bother if I had a kid more trouble then its worth.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *k x s*
> 
> well... I don't think leashes work. At least not on some children. My brothers would just tug even harder and pull and drag and I personally couldn't bear dragging or tugging back sometimes it wasn't even safe to do so. If you let go they would fall forwards. Sometimes they just tried to run off and dragged us or caught us off guard because we would just rely on the tug. It just lead to more tantrums and them trying to take it off. Or having to run with them so they don't fall over and causing accidents because it would get caught beneath there feet or because we might be holding the leash in a way that causes whiplash of the leash. Anyway I probably wouldn't bother if I had a kid more trouble then its worth.


Well, I wouldn't use a leash if it didn't work, either. I sold my Ergo a year ago, because it didn't work for dd2 - she hated being in it. We only used a stroller part of the time with dd1, because she'd simply undo it and get out if she didn't want to be there. I didn't use a harness with ds2, even though he was a bolter, because he didn't like it, and it didn't help.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that a leash is always the best tool. We're simply pointing out that they are tools, and sometimes, they're the best tool for the job. The objections to them have never made any sense to me at all.

DD1 loved being on the harness. We were able to go out almost every day after my third c-section. She was able to go to the farm down the road and pet rabbits and goats and look at horses and sheep and pigs. She liked not having to hold hands all the time. I truly don't understand why so many people would prefer to see a child stuck at home all summer, forced into a carrier (not possible in my case - babywearing a two year old with an infected c-section incision wasn't going to happen) or stroller, or forced to hold hands when they're uncomfortable, than see that same child happily walking around and having adventures, while wearing a harness. Whatever it's about, the best interests of the child don't seem to be part of it.


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> I have a very serious little bolter (20 m) who doesn't stay close AT ALL. He RUNS the second he is free. I STILL wouldn't consider a leash even for a moment. How is that going to teach him to stay close? It isn't. He's going to run ahead and tug on the harness, and that to me is just incredibly disrespectful to him.
> 
> ...


I don't think leashes teach children to hold hands, stay close or assess danger. That is not what they are designed for. They make it possible for bolty children to go to dangerous-for-them type places before they have mastered such skills. Some of these places might be fun - parks, zoos, etc. but sometimes they might be closer to necessities - subways, some shopping excursions. For myself, I would not give up fun things when a tool such as a leash allows me to do them. I don't think anyone is advocating a harness all the time or beyond the age when they are capable of learning to hold hands and not bolt. I would say that age is around 3.5 - but children vary.

I will say that from a asthetic POV, I very much prefer the cute and discreter animal backpack with tail tyoe harness. I feel less like I am walking a dog - and I am less likely to be stared at (which i do not really like - although it would not stop me from using a butt ugle harness if it was the only kind availible)


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## Chalex (Sep 22, 2005)

I just wanted to tell you about a scary moment I watched one day. A woman was walking in the park with a baby in a stroller and a toddler on a leash... They got to the top of a hill and the toddler bolted off the path, straight down the hill, taking his mother and the stroller with him. The stroller was so close to rolling over sideways...eek!!!! I guess the mother should have let go of the leash but it all happened so fast! Poor girl!


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

I've never bought one, but have improvised with a playsilk tied to a toddlers' beltloop a few times at state fairs,etc.

It's not a new idea, though! Dd and I were researching historic clothing the other night trying to date a photo and found a few time periods where childrens clothes had long ribbons sewn into the shoulder seams to hold up new walkers as well as keep them close. I wonder if they got judged for it.


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

I've never bought one, but have improvised with a playsilk tied to a toddlers' beltloop a few times at state fairs,etc.

It's not a new idea, though! Dd and I were researching historic clothing the other night trying to date a photo and found a few time periods where childrens clothes had long ribbons sewn into the shoulder seams to hold up new walkers as well as keep them close. I wonder if they got judged for it.


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## k x s (May 16, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> I don't think anyone is suggesting that a leash is always the best tool. We're simply pointing out that they are tools, and sometimes, they're the best tool for the job. The objections to them have never made any sense to me at all.
> 
> DD1 loved being on the harness. We were able to go out almost every day after my third c-section. She was able to go to the farm down the road and pet rabbits and goats and look at horses and sheep and pigs. She liked not having to hold hands all the time. I truly don't understand why so many people would prefer to see a child stuck at home all summer, forced into a carrier (not possible in my case - babywearing a two year old with an infected c-section incision wasn't going to happen) or stroller, or forced to hold hands when they're uncomfortable, than see that same child happily walking around and having adventures, while wearing a harness. Whatever it's about, the best interests of the child don't seem to be part of it.


...And I'm just recounting how they weren't helpful for me and their downsides in case anyone was interested in why some people don't like them/use them.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *k x s*
> 
> ...And I'm just recounting how they weren't helpful for me and their downsides in case anyone was interested in why some people don't like them/use them.


Well, I get why you don't use them, as they don't work for you. Why don't you like them, though?

This is why the leash thing gets to me. For whatever reason, they receive a lot of dislike from people who don't use them. I don't see any reason why anybody should use a parenting tool (or any other kind of tool, for that matter) that doesn't work in their situatoin. But, I don't dislike hammers, just because they won't work when I'm driving a screw. I don't dislike bicycle pumps, just because I can't use one to fill the tires on my car. Why do people dislike leashes, when they work for others?


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

yeah what I still just do not get is why it could possibly be seen as better to have a child constrained in a stroller or sling than walking on a leash.

I just do not get that one at all. How does that help anyone? Sure put a kid in a stroller because you are tired or they are tired but to avoid a leash? I don't see how that's any better than parking a kid in front of the tv. Its always better for a kid to walk and run than be stationary.

Or miss out on fun stuff or stay indoors rather than put a kid on a leash? Why? What's the point? No kid is going to look back and say, "wow. I never got to go to the zoo or duckpond as a little kid, but that's totally worth it because thank god I didn't have to wear a leash.". I've never met a kid who objected to a leash. And anyway, to a kid, being like a dog is a great thing. FGS my kids spend hours pretending to be dogs.


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## DHinJersey (Jan 11, 2013)

After reading the thread and replies to my post, I have to admit...it IS really an image thing, nothing more.

To the argument that it is no different in practice than a stroller or carrier...in fact, it is less restrictive...I have no counterargument.

So consider my mind changed.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

I can see why they wouldn't work in all cases, they're not meant to restrain children or drag them somewhere against their will (I think that's what straight jackets are for), they're just meant to keep curious but otherwise content kids from darting into traffic or wandering too close to a tiger cage at the zoo while their parents aren't paying attention. Dog leashes aren't meant to be much different either. The leash is supposed to be loose and the dog is meant to follow along and obey its handler... the leash is just there for when the temptation to disobey is just too great.

I can understand how people can dislike using them if they don't work with their kids but I don't see how they can dislike other people they don't know using them.


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## Cyllya (Jun 10, 2009)

I am pro-leash. Honestly, I think most of the alternatives (forcing your kid to hold your hand, not letting him walk, not taking him anywhere) are just plain mean... not to mention they are sometimes not very feasible.

Outside of MDC-like communities, the anti-leash crowd goes the extra step and says that, rather than using a leash, a good parent will use harsh punitive measures (up to and including beatings) so that the child too afraid to leave their side. Doesn't that sound respectful?

Honestly, if leashes were all that disrespectful, I wouldn't put them on my dog either.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

I used to be very anti-leash. And then I had twins. Im thinking about buying one for my three year old so that we can do something simple like walk down the sidewalk without me being terrified that she would go in the street and I couldnt prevent her if I was holding/wearing two other babies.

I cant even imagine once I have three walking children. I might leash them all.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

Also, as far as people who dont like leashes go: Do you dislike strollers?

Because my 3 year old wants to walk, everywhere all the time. In the grocery, on the sidewalk, on a busy street, etc. She wants to feel grown up, and she doesnt want me to wear her or be in a stroller. So, I look at a leash as giving her the freedom to walk while still keeping her safe. No one would balk at a 3 year old strapped into a stroller throwing a fit, but people stare when you allow your child to walk and just keep them attached to you. Makes no sense.


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## mamanoish (Feb 9, 2011)

I swore I'd never use a leash, but after my second son was diagnosed with autism, I quickly changed my mind. In public places, he gets over stimulated and it's like he's in a fog. He wanders, looks for random things on the ground and doesn't pay attention at all. It's really hard to keep him with me. He loves going to the zoo and to Seaworld, and without it, it would have been impossible. He's too old for it now, but he used to ask to wear his monkey backpack. He would hold the little tail of it and i held the end. He never holds hands ever, it makes him very uncomfortable. I had a few adults say something to me about how cruel it was, but after explaining his diagnosis and pointing out that he is not capable of asking for help if he gets lost, they were quick to apologize. I wish our society wasn't so judgmental!


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## g33kch1ck (Feb 15, 2012)

Does anyone know if I can find a child tether for swimming in the ocean, like the ones surfers use for their boards? Do such things exist? I'm a small woman, and we're moving to a coastal city in about a year. I would feel a lot better knowing my daughter was attached to the end of a tether I could quickly reel in, rather than losing her under rolling waves.

I used to be anti-leash, thinking it was crappy to treat your kid like a dog. Of course, like many things, I changed my mind after actually having a baby! I would use a leash before a stroller. We don't drive, live in a city, and we reside on the third floor of a walk-up... I mean, I guess I could lock up the stroller outside with my bike, but that seems silly.


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## LivingSky (Aug 13, 2010)

Great thread, I really enjoyed reading it.

I'm pro-leash. My DS is a bolter and he HATES holding hands. He'll hold hands to steady him on uneven ground but other than that, if DH or I try to hold his hand he will pull and fight to get loose even if we're headed the direction he wanted to go. He'll sit in a shopping cart or a stroller if he's tired out, but other than that, he wants to be moving under his own power. Add to that that he is WAY over the 95th percentile for both height and weight, and carrying him around in any kind of carrier or in my arms, even at 21 months, does not last long. Unfortunately because he's such a big guy, I do get a LOT of nasty looks with him being on the leash (he looks like an average sized 3-4 year old) but no matter how tall he is physically, he's not even 2 yet. He just does not have the impulse control or the willingness to listen to be out in public and allowed to run free.

He loves his monkey backpack and puts it on himself if he finds it laying around at home, so, I'm not worried that it's damaging him mentally. It allows him to explore a bit more freely when we are out and about, without having to be strapped into something all the time, or be confined at home because he won't stay still. I watch him like a hawk even when he's got his monkey on and he's attached to my wrist, because he likes to grab things off shelves or get in to other peoples' personal space. We're working on it, but I expect it will be a while before he's fully trustworthy out and about.

I understand not using a leash if they don't work for your child - that's true of any parenting tool! But if it works for your child, then super. For us, it works - DS enjoys it, and I'm not stressing out every second about him running into traffic or someone snatching him at the grocery store.


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *g33kch1ck*
> 
> Does anyone know if I can find a child tether for swimming in the ocean, like the ones surfers use for their boards? Do such things exist? I'm a small woman, and we're moving to a coastal city in about a year. I would feel a lot better knowing my daughter was attached to the end of a tether I could quickly reel in, rather than losing her under rolling waves.
> 
> I used to be anti-leash, thinking it was crappy to treat your kid like a dog. Of course, like many things, I changed my mind after actually having a baby! I would use a leash before a stroller. We don't drive, live in a city, and we reside on the third floor of a walk-up... I mean, I guess I could lock up the stroller outside with my bike, but that seems silly.


You'll never find a product involving children, water and rope of any sort. You could get a life jacket or PFD and tie something to it yourself... although I wouldn't recommend it... if you get hit with a wave and the tether was wrapped around them wrong, they could break something or have it wrap around their neck.

PFDs are actually really comfortable but not designed to flip an unconscious person onto their back. Lifejackets are more bulky but they have a handle and will keep their face out of the water.

I would just have her wear a PFD and teach her to hold her breath if she gets into trouble. The rolling waves will toss any floating object out onto the shore in seconds... in fact, you'd probably have a hard time keeping her *in* the water.


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## g33kch1ck (Feb 15, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Escaping*
> 
> You'll never find a product involving children, water and rope of any sort. You could get a life jacket or PFD and tie something to it yourself... although I wouldn't recommend it... if you get hit with a wave and the tether was wrapped around them wrong, they could break something or have it wrap around their neck.
> 
> ...


Great suggestions, thanks!


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## cynthia mosher (Aug 20, 1999)

Just popping in to make sure you all saw our Mothers Day Contest. In addition to three Boba baby carriers we're giving a $300 dinner/spa package for one lucky mom. Contest ends in three days! Get the entry info here: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1382508/let-mothering-and-boba-pamper-you-this-mothers-day/0_100


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## nomadia (May 8, 2013)

I've contemplated getting a leash for my niece.

She's 15 months old and has absolutely no fear. Around the time she learned to walk, she learned to run. Now she's a climber and has no problem scaling anything with ledges. Her balance isn't the best and so those things terrify me.

I don't think I'd ever get one for her though. Any confinement or restraint sends her into screaming fits. She just wants to be free to play and explore.

So, I'll always be standing there making sure she doesn't lean too far back while climbing stairs or if she does fall someone is there to catch her. She's just like my own and I want her to feel comfortable and confident in this big world.

Luckily though, she is wary of new people. Phew!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nomadia*
> 
> She's 15 months old and has absolutely no fear. Around the time she learned to walk, she learned to run. Now she's a climber and has no problem scaling anything with ledges. Her balance isn't the best and so those things terrify me.
> 
> I don't think I'd ever get one for her though. Any confinement or restraint sends her into screaming fits. She just wants to be free to play and explore.


Leashes/harnesses sometimes work really well for kids like that. DD1 hated being restrained, but she loved the harness.


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## Mandy G (Jun 13, 2010)

We are considering getting them for our 17-month old twins. Right now we can't take them outside or to the park with just one adult because they run in opposite directions from each other. We are wondering if the leashes would give my husband or I a bit more freedom in getting the girls out when were on our own.


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## reneekangaroo (Sep 19, 2012)

I once hooked a retractable leash to my toddler's belt loop while walking along a river while I was 43 weeks pregnant. She kept running off toward the river and I was way too big to chase her to keep her safe, so I leashed her. Since then I haven't been judgmental about child leashes. We can't see if a parent has an invisible disease that makes it difficult for them to chase after a child, and we don't know if that child runs off or listens well. We don't know their situation and we don't know their past experiences (how many close calls with a child running into traffic would it take for you to resort to a leash?). I figure it's more freedom than being strapped into a stroller or holding the child's arm up above their head to hold hands.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Nope. No to a leash.

Until my kids were old enough to understand and hold my hand, I held them or put them in a stroller.


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

actually I'd be far more inclined to judge a parent for having a kid in a stroller or sling past around age 3.

leash says to me "I have a bolter/other issues but am still committed to making sure my kid gets exercise."

stroller/sling says to me, "I don't care if my kid walks" (well within limits-of course little kids get tired, especially if they don't walk much. Hidden issues, etc etc).


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## kathymuggle (Jul 25, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Fillyjonk*
> 
> actually I'd be far more inclined to judge a parent for having a kid in a stroller or sling past around age 3.
> 
> ...


I used to think this way.

I have come to realise that some kids are in stroller long past when one would expect due to special needs.

My sister had one of her kids in a stroller for as long as she could - his severe autsim made him a bolter, and being jerked by a child bolting would only be so fun.

For a long time my youngest was prone to exhaustion and even getting ill if she did too much, due to health issues. I remember using a stroller with her once and awhile until she was 6.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Fillyjonk*
> 
> actually I'd be far more inclined to judge a parent for having a kid in a stroller or sling past around age 3.
> 
> ...


I had three kids in the three years - I really didn't care whether they wanted to walk through the grocery store or not. LOL!!!!!

If we were in the park or zoo etc - then I had the stroller available if they got tired or couldn't stay with me and hold my hand.

They are all much, much older now. It worked out okay. I now worry about speeding in the car instead of speeding to get away from mom!

;-)


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## Escaping (Nov 13, 2012)

I really don't see the issues with using strollers until any age, really... even if kids don't have a disability. Sometimes I have really busy days (as I'm sure everyone else does too) where I don't have time to let my son toddle along or take a nap or have a snack. Just because someone sees an older child in a stroller, it doesn't mean that's what they've been doing ALL day.


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## Jennyanydots (Sep 8, 2011)

If we're walking because I want exercise, my kid is probably in a stroller. If I want a leisurely walk, he's probably not. Why judge at all?


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Jennyanydots*
> 
> If we're walking because I want exercise, my kid is probably in a stroller. If I want a leisurely walk, he's probably not. Why judge at all?


Right????!!!!

Basically, no one knows what the heck is going on in someone else's family so everyone just needs to take care o' their own BIZNASS!


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

I guess the thread is about leash use..not strollers right? So, I think no on the leashes.I'd rather just pop my child in the Ergo if I am somewhere and worried about him"getting away". But I do use a stroller when we have a long walk like from the library and we ave checked out a hundred books and there is no way for me to carry everything and my son on my back.


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## sere234 (Feb 7, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tracyamber*
> 
> I guess the thread is about leash use..not strollers right? So, I think no on the leashes.I'd rather just pop my child in the Ergo if I am somewhere and worried about him"getting away". But I do use a stroller when we have a long walk like from the library and we ave checked out a hundred books and there is no way for me to carry everything and my son on my back.


Ah, but when you have a 36 pound 24 mo who hates the Ergo, this is not so easy!









I wear my 5 mo and bring a stroller for my 2.5 yo if we go on long walking activities. DS1 gets tired still and I'd rather not wear a baby and carry a toddler







We also recently bought a double stroller since our 5 mo is also on the large side. My bad neck and back just doesn't like all this baby wearing and I can't overdo it. I'll use that double stroller and do use our single stroller without a worry when I need to!

As for leashes, yep, my kid is a bolter so when I see leash wearers now, I totally smile at them and laugh at my pre child conception of leashes. We don't have one for DS1 but I have considered it many times. We stick with the single stroller now that we have two kids, before DS2 came I'd just go streaking after DS1 to catch him. Not always fun, especially when nearly 42 weeks pregnant. Really should have just bought a leash for him


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sere234*
> 
> Ah, but when you have a 36 pound 24 mo who hates the Ergo, this is not so easy!
> 
> ...


Good point


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## Fillyjonk (Sep 21, 2007)

Just to be clear, like I said, "hidden issues". Of course there are good reasons to be in a stroller, and in practice, its never wise to judge. Of course. I don't think I explained myself very well.

What I take issue with is people judging others for using reins or a leash but then being happy to put a kid old enough to walk and in a situation where the only thing stopping them from walking is safety, into a stroller, rather than go the extra mile and put them on a leashh. TBH I think strollers are sometimes used to restrain kids and while I can totally understand that, and don't even have a problem with parents just doing it because they are tired and fed up-we all need to pace ourselves-I do think that to present a stroller (or a sling) as somehow _superior _to a leash is a bit daft.

I just honestly do not get this. Special needs, your own tiredness or convenience or whatever aside-and these are good reasons- why on earth would you want your kid in a stroller or an Ergo, sat there, not moving much, when they could be walking independently and being safe? I don't have a problem with people using strollers or slings at all, I just struggle with them being presented as somehow better for the child. Most kids need more exercise than they get.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

A lot of toddlers aren't content to sit in a stroller when they're out, too. Some are explorers and really need to be on their feet looking at everything. I think leashes can be preferable to a stroller for those kids. I see this as another "know your kid" issue. We know what our kid can handle, what our kid wants, what our kid needs, and what safety considerations we need for our kid. We can take all that information and find the right solution for us.


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## KaliShanti (Mar 23, 2008)

I don't care if anyone uses a stroller or leash or ergo or whatever. Who cares what anyone else does? I have not used a leash yet but i won't say never. I am about to have my 4th child after all...


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## Tapioca (Feb 4, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *KaliShanti*
> 
> I don't care if anyone uses a stroller or leash or ergo or whatever. Who cares what anyone else does? I have not used a leash yet but i won't say never. I am about to have my 4th child after all...


Me too (except about the 4th kid thing). Let's be friends 

I remember a thread about this eons ago. Somebody had some crazy theory about how you could train your toddler not to run off by teaching them car danger and all that. Oh, and there was some magical "zone" where they wouldn't run further than 20 feet from the safety of their mother. being a new and easily guilt-tripped parent, I bought all this BS hook, line, sinker. Until I actually tried it with my bolter. Turns out there is no magical safety zone and even with training they still run off! Cos, it turns out, toddlers (or at least mine) aren't very smart! hahaha.

Man. Who cares, seriously.


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

I think using leashes is just like baby wearing and cosleeping: that is to say not useful or needed for every child but ideal for some. My DD didn't like being worn and sleeps better apart from me. She doesn't need a leash because she's one of those mythical two year olds who only gets at most 10 feet ahead of me, stops when I ask and ALWAYS holds my hand to cross streets and parking lots. She also tolerates the stroller when I really need her in one. It would be silly of me to put a leash/backpack on her because she doesn't need the help and extra safety due to her cautious nature. I'm expecting baby #2 this summer and won't hesitate to get a leash if this little person turns out to be a bolter. I really think this is a matter of mom knows her child best and if a backpack/leash is used, it is for good reason.


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

My daughter had one for when we went on the Vegas strip or to other busy places. She had one that looked like a monkey and loved it, well still does. She is now 5 and I still catch her with it on in her room. She said before that its like getting monkey hugs and she puts stuff in the little pocket. We only ever used it a few times out but when she was 4 she wanted to wear it all the time in the house when she was playing.


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## SunshineRocket (Mar 12, 2012)

I am glad to see so many nonjudgmental replies! I definitely think child leashes are fine. I grew up with two autistic brothers, one of them was a bolter. He would just run off without looking. When he was 9 or so (I was five) we were walking back to the car after a picnic at a park and he bolted, got hit by a car and spent 3 nights in the hospital. CPS was called due to child neglect. Years before, I was a tiny baby in a stroller, my sister (not autistic) was 4, brothers were 5 and 6- the whole family went to the fair and Grandpa had the bright idea to put the boys in overalls and attach ropes to the back of the overalls. They enjoyed it, had a good time at the fair but someone called CPS and reported it, so they never did it again. Sometimes you can't win 

Like many of the previous posters, my older son was an early walker and I bought a "monkey backpack" for him to use at airports, etc- He enjoyed the freedom and he STILL remembers it, although the last time he used it he had just turned two. It was a serious lifesaver on a trip to India when he was 19-22 months old and he got a lot of attention! "A monkey with a monkey" ppl said.

In other cultures, it's perfectly acceptable to 'leash' a child. In a very populated place like India, it isn't uncommon to see mothers trying fabric on their wrist and their child's wrist so they don't get separated from their little one.

My youngest son is 2.5 now and he has always been very easy.. holding hands when we walked, if he did wander off, just calling him back was enough. In the last few weeks though, he has totally changed. He refuses to hold hands and will NOT come back if he wanders off. I have considered getting a leash for him, hoping it will make him feel a little more independent while still being safe but really don't want to deal with peoples comments.


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## AstridS (Mar 9, 2007)

I worry that a leash might give the child a false sense of security. I always keep an eye on my kids, but I also teach them to keep an eye on me. Being on a leash would be teaching them that it's safe for them to bolt or just go in any direction and rely on me to pull them back or redirect them. I really don't want to do that.

I also think using a leash is lazy parenting sometimes. Either keep your eyes on your kid, or stay in places where your kid will be safe. Of course there are exceptions and special circumstances, but for a trip to the grocery store or a walk in the park? No, I wouldn't ever have considered wearing one, even when I had two under 2 and my oldest DD was a bolter. I kept an eye on her, and when we were in a dangerous place, like on the side of a road, I made her hold on to the handle of the stroller or shopping cart or hold my hand.

And about the degrading vs. not degrading debate: what would you say if you saw an adult with special needs on a leash? Would that be okay? Because if not, then why is it okay to put one on a toddler?

To me, it's not about the childs or the person with cognitive difficulties' perception, it's about the signals that we send to other people. How can we expect people to respect childrens rights and treat them as individuals, if we send out a not-so-subtle signal to society at large that kids are just like dogs to be kept on a leash?


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## Jennyanydots (Sep 8, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AstridS*
> 
> And about the degrading vs. not degrading debate: what would you say if you saw an adult with special needs on a leash? Would that be okay? Because if not, then why is it okay to put one on a toddler?


Your analogy isn't quite working for me. Ever see an adult with special needs breastfeeding? How about naked, running through a sprinkler in a front yard? There are too many ways in which the two groups are distinct. You have a strange method for evaluating what is ok for a small child.

And as for the rest of your post, it seems judgmental for the sake of being judgmental.


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AstridS*
> 
> I worry that a leash might give the child a false sense of security. I always keep an eye on my kids, but I also teach them to keep an eye on me. Being on a leash would be teaching them that it's safe for them to bolt or just go in any direction and rely on me to pull them back or redirect them. I really don't want to do that.
> I also think using a leash is lazy parenting sometimes. Either keep your eyes on your kid, or stay in places where your kid will be safe. Of course there are exceptions and special circumstances, but for a trip to the grocery store or a walk in the park? No, I wouldn't ever have considered wearing one, *even when I had two under 2 and my oldest DD was a bolter. I kept an eye on her, and when we were in a dangerous place, like on the side of a road, I made her hold on to the handle of the stroller or shopping cart or hold my hand.
> ...


I sort of get the false sense of security thing, although the use of a leash doesn't mean you're going to let your kid pull you with it and be wild. It can definitely be used as a training tool for learning how to hold hands and stay close, which I think is great.

As for not being a lazy parent and "keeping an eye" on your kid, an eye is not going to stop your kid from running into the street unless you are some kind of wizard. If your daughter would hold your hand or hold onto the stroller handle when asked, she was not a bolter. Bolters don't hold things and stay close, they bolt when you least expect it, in a parking lot, or a crowded airport. That's why they are called bolters. In my opinion, good parenting happens when you care more about the safety of your child than the message you are worried about sending others.

And again, exactly how is a leash worse than strapping a kid in a stroller? How would you feel if you saw a special needs adult, who could walk, strapped into a stroller?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AstridS*
> 
> I worry that a leash might give the child a false sense of security. I always keep an eye on my kids, but I also teach them to keep an eye on me. Being on a leash would be teaching them that it's safe for them to bolt or just go in any direction and rely on me to pull them back or redirect them. I really don't want to do that.
> 
> ...


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Seeing an adult on a leash would give me some pause, because leashes on adults are associated with master/slave-type sexual relationships; as opposed to leashes on toddlers, which are associated with keeping toddlers from running off. Entirely different. But, thinking about it, if a mentally-impaired adult would have greater freedom and safety with a leash than with a stroller, and was able to share more life experiences due to a leash, and didn't find it degrading... why not? I have a sister with special needs, and it probably looked degrading when my family calmly let her fall asleep in a heap under the table at restaurants, but it didn't bother her at all, and once she was too heavy to lift it was pretty much that or keep her home from restaurants, which she loved (at least in the five minutes before her excitement-induced narcolepsy kicked in!)

As to whether leashing promotes disrespect - well, plenty of cultures have done it throughout history. Can you draw a correlation between cultures that leashed children and cultures that failed to respect them, compared to similar cultures who did not leash (to control for other social factors)?

The "leashing children likens them to dogs" thing reminds me of the old line about "I'm not going to breastfeed, I'm not a cow." If more humans did it, it would lose its animalistic associations. And indeed, to a large extent leashing has, given that they make cute backpack-style leashes clearly designed for children, not dogs.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

I already mentioned this upthread, but we don't leash dogs because we're trying to communicate something about them being subhuman. We leash them so that they won't run away and get lost or hurt. Why wouldn't we do the same for our children if necessary?


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## dalia (Sep 3, 2007)

I just wanna say that my husband was leashed as a kid and now he is an aerial cinematographer and flies around in helicopters shooting video and film all over the world.

I don't think he feels or ever felt disrespected or treated "like a dog" LOL.


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## jforr23 (Jan 16, 2013)

Totally agree Lovemylab - I wasn't a fan until I became a mother. I really understood the point and use for them once my babies started jetting off into different directions. I tried to not use it that much, but came in handy when we went to really busy places!


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## macrandall (Feb 1, 2013)

I would not use a leash. Mainly because I believe in treating children as though they have the same feelings as adults. The feelings an adult would experience if forced to wear a leash could be the same feelings a child might have: embarrassment, fear, feeling trapped, etc. I also feel that it's important to explain things to your children. If you use a leash instead of teaching them about traffic, the possibility of getting lost, etc, then you are missing an opportunity. I also think that it takes away a level of trust. Even a two-year-old can tell if you don't trust them.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *macrandall*
> 
> I would not use a leash. Mainly because I believe in treating children as though they have the same feelings as adults. The feelings an adult would experience if forced to wear a leash could be the same feelings a child might have: embarrassment, fear, feeling trapped, etc. I also feel that it's important to explain things to your children. If you use a leash instead of teaching them about traffic, the possibility of getting lost, etc, then you are missing an opportunity. I also think that it takes away a level of trust. Even a two-year-old can tell if you don't trust them.


You might want to read the thread, as you clearly haven't. Using a leash isn't a substitute for teaching children about getting lost, traffic, etc.

My daughter loved the harness and frequently got it out to play with for several years, both during the period when we were actively using it, and afterward. She never showed any sign of embarrassment, fear or feelings of being trapped.


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## macrandall (Feb 1, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> You might want to read the thread, as you clearly haven't. Using a leash isn't a substitute for teaching children about getting lost, traffic, etc.
> 
> My daughter loved the harness and frequently got it out to play with for several years, both during the period when we were actively using it, and afterward. She never showed any sign of embarrassment, fear or feelings of being trapped.


Certainly you are not suggesting that I must read all six pages of a thread before I'm allowed to offer my personal opinion in response to a question asked. Maybe you have time for that, but I occasionally want to weigh in on an issue without spending hours contemplating the opinions of every other person first.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

Of course it's your prerogative to respond to a thread any time, but if you weigh in on a thread before reading it, you're likely to cover points that have already been discussed, and in the discussion you might read some perspectives that inform or even change your own view.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *macrandall*
> 
> Certainly you are not suggesting that I must read all six pages of a thread before I'm allowed to offer my personal opinion in response to a question asked. Maybe you have time for that, but I occasionally want to weigh in on an issue without spending hours contemplating the opinions of every other person first.


Of course you're free to weigh in whenever you want. But, if you want to have an opinion on the effects of a leash, the reasons for using a leash, etc., it's a good idea to actually find out something about it before randomly insulting other parents.

FWIW, I've personally seen more unwilling children strapped into strollers, strapped into carseats, or bundled into a carrier than I've seen put on a leash. (That might be because a leash allows a certain freedom of motion, and children who don't like them quite often simply sit down and refuse to walk.)


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## Jennyanydots (Sep 8, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *macrandall*
> 
> Certainly you are not suggesting that I must read all six pages of a thread before I'm allowed to offer my personal opinion in response to a question asked. Maybe you have time for that, but I occasionally want to weigh in on an issue without spending hours contemplating the opinions of every other person first.


It just seems like bad form to be eager to express your opinion but unwilling to entertain those of others who have already been participating in the conversation. I can understand skimming the thread or skipping some of it, but just butting in with your $.02 without reading it at all is kinda presumptuous, I think.


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

Okay ladies,

I am reminding you the topic of the thread*.Leashes for Children ? Yes or no?*

Please stay on topic and respectful to all opinions given wether you like them or not (http://www.mothering.com/community/a/user-agreement). It is okay for someone to post their opinion on a thread even if they have not read every(100) post. Most people skim over posts and then respond. Let's move on with the discussion of leashes.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

(skimmed - sorry of some of this has been covered)

I agree with a lot of members here who say that these are another tool that can be used well - similar to a stroller or carrier. My first was a total sling baby. It's true that you can totally pop a baby, toddler, kid in a carrier when taking the time and energy to allow them free movement isn't possible. I know, because I did it all the time! And, also, trust me that some people think the sling is akin to child abuse!









My second doesn't love the sling, or maybe we just don't have the lifestyle/climate to make the sling as useful as it was for my first. She really likes the stroller and even likes the car. She's higher energy and I think being strapped into a moving thing where she just sits there feels like a break to her.

Because of that I feel like I get a big break in the day with her willing to be in a stroller (and occasionally the sling) so I usually don't mind giving her my focus when she walks and explores.

I've never used a harness with either of my kids (though I may have tied a sling like a harness for fun on occasion) but I certainly don't begrudge a parent using a tool to get through the day. 99% of us do in some way or another and there's always someone who sees fault in this or that. I say live and let live!


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## Jefinner (Jun 8, 2004)

My two girls were early walkers, but they never bolted. I thought the tethers were terrible. Like a dog leash. Just a horrible thing to do to a child. Then, like so many things that have humbled me, after I had my son, I swallowed those views whole. He walked a week before 8months, and was on top of tables and running by 9 months. He had (still has at 8) poor impulse control. He could get himself out of a stroller or grocery cart, no matter how tightly he was belted in (he could also get into/out of most child safety devices, but that's a whole other story for another time). The backpacks were cute (way better than the wrist to wrist tethers that were around when my oldest was born 17 years ago), and he didn't mind it. Also, he wasn't a big fan of being worn, and I hadn't really mastered baby wearing at the time.

The older child you are mentioning could have special needs. Or the parent could be horrible. You just don't know. I choose to think the best and not judge, because I know *I* don't want to be judged for choices I make with my children. Choices that may not look like the best to others. But I know my intent, and I know I'm trying my hardest, and doing the best for them. I would like to assume others are doing the same.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

Today I spent time with a friend whose daughter just turned 2 and is the size of an average 5-year-old, so it occurs to me reading the above that a child who seems inappropriately old for a leash might also be big for her age. Again, there are many possible reasons that a parent chooses to use a leash.


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## Cyllya (Jun 10, 2009)

It still weirds me out when people complain about kid leashes on the basis of the the superficial similarity to dog leashes. What do all these people have against dogs? I mean, there are all sorts of other things people do with both toddlers and dogs. Play pens and cribs seem like they'd be more objectionable than leashes. (Especially those big usually-hexagonal pens that are pretty much identical to the ones they make for dogs.) But there's all sorts of other things we do with both babies/toddlers and dogs, like forbid them from leaving the home without us, cuddle them, carry them around (size permitting), dress them in stupid sweaters, feel a compulsion to interact with them when we meet new ones in public, baby-talk, let them sleep on your bed even when society says it's a terrible idea, etc. I mean, should I not get my sick child medical attention because the fact that vets exist makes it disrespectful to do so?


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## mamatoabirdie (Dec 8, 2012)

I used one for my oldest and it looks like I may have to use one for my youngest. I care nothing for what other parents think because it's not their kid that will be squashed in a parking lot, it's mine. If you think I'm lazy for it, well...I can't convince you otherwise. If you have kids who are compliant enough to not ever have to entertain the thought of a leash, then I envy you


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## Katie8681 (Dec 29, 2010)

Funny development- I got the harness with the frog "backpack" and it has totally become his lovey. So cute'


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## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

ElderSon was always incredibly aware of his surroundings and danger. When he was just barely 2, I went for a walk with him and my father in downtown San Francisco. He had never been on a sidewalk in his life (we lived on a sailboat in the Caribbean, and this was our first visit home). ElderSon ran ahead every block, and I knew I could totally trust him to wait at the corner for us to catch up. My father was petrified, and would have been so much happier if I had used a leash, or stroller, or sling, or handcuffs! Neither of my other bio-kids ever needed a leash, so I was quick to critisize parents who needed leashes. But then I met LittleGirl, a foster daughter who came to me at 6 years old. This child had no concept of danger, no awareness of traffic, no idea of safety. I wish I could have used a leash for her until she was 8 or 9! I needed the childproof locks on the car doors, to hold her hand anytime we were out of the house. She could be counted on to dart across a parking lot, wander off in the supermarket - I lost her more times than I can count. I promise I will never judge anyone again for keeping their kid safe - whatever it takes!


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