# Tell me about your house rules



## Fujiko (Nov 11, 2006)

I want to make a list of rules. I know that sounds so authoritarian, but I think it would be helpful to have. I have an idea of the kind of things I want, but I'd like to hear what others do for rules. What are your rules for your home? Are they written, in a list, or are they just "understood"? You're welcome to also share consequences to breaking said rules if you're brave.

Here are some of my ideas:

(This is totally stolen from the Duggars) Never raise an object to throw, never raise a hand to hit, never raise a voice to yell, never raise a foot to kick.

Treat other how you'd like to be treated.

Food can only be eaten in the kitchen and dining room.

That's all I have so far.


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## medaroge (Dec 21, 2004)

We have:
no hitting (which includes kicking, pushing, pulling hair, etc)
no screaming inside (unless the house is on fire or something)
and in general just be nice!


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## I-AM-Mother (Aug 6, 2008)

you are lucky. i don't have rules. with me, it's really day to day. in my home, it's pretty much do as you please and when we see you doing something that may need some "rethinking," we talk.

as far as doing unto others as you would have done to you and rules of how to treat and interact with others they learn by example, except they add their own unique spin. it's pretty fun to watch.


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## Kiera09 (Sep 2, 2008)

DD is only 21 months - but DH and I have a few "rules" we live by:

1) Never do something to hurt another person

2) Everybody helps - so if one person is working for the house - then everyone should try to find something to do.

So - right now we're working on #2 with with DD. When we do household chores - we give her something she can do to help us. Like today - she made 3 trips up the stairs putting 1 pair of her socks away each time, as DH and I put away the rest of the laundry.


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## leewd (Aug 14, 2005)

Our rules are straight forward and have grown out of necessity. They also have consequences built in:

*If you fight over it, you lose it* (not a permanent loss, but temporary)
--> Our 4 and nearly 3 year old respond well to this one. If they start fighting over a toy, all I usually have to do is remind them of the rule, and they will work something out rather then lose the toy.
I feel it encourages them to work out their own issues, but if it becomes necessary I put the "offending object" away rather than putting the children in time-out.

*If it makes you cry, you lose it* (assuming we can't "fix" the problem with talking).
--> I realize this seems harsh, but it became necessary because our 4yo gets overly emotional when she can't make something "work." If she can't work it, and it upsets her, then we need to put the object away. Often the problem is that the toy/object/etc is simply not age appropriate, and she is not going to be able to make it work. This rule helped her to learn to use the computer mouse very quickly. At first, she would just scream and cry, so she "lost" the computer time. Soon, she slowed down and learned.

Then there are the more everyday "chore" type things:

Basic Rule: *If you can do it for yourself, you should do it for yourself.*

Applications:
1) When you get in the car, you sit in your car seat and put your seat belt on as best you can. Then Mom/Dad checks the seat belt, finishes buckling or whatever, and we can go.

2) When we get in the house, take shoes off, put them away (shoe selves are by the door), and move out from in front of the door.

Those are the basics. I talk about the Golden Rule as mentioned above, but it gets losts on children so young.

Oh, yes, and one more: *Get Off The Baby!*














:


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

hmm, house rules - we got a bunch, but I don't think they are that hard or harsh.

* we treat each other with respect. This means speaking nicely to each other (please, thank you, etc), not grabbing, being gentle, apologizing when we make mistakes.

* we clean up our messes. others may help (and helping is encouraged) but if I make a mess, it is my responsibility to clean it up.

* we help each other when we can.

* no playing on the stairs/walk sensibly on stairs

* if coming into mommy and daddy's bed before 7:30am, boys must be quiet and still. No talking, kicking legs, etc.

* don't turn my chair while I am sitting on it (okay, this is my pet peeve - my office chair rotates and I hate it with a burning passion when someone moves me, especially if I am typing).

* avoid rude behavior, including interrupting, being loud when someone is on the phone, shouting indoors, etc.

* children always need to let adults know where they are at all times. This includes going to the bathroom when outside the house.

and then there are restaurant rules:

* we sit in our seats while we are eating
* we do not walk around/run around restaurants
* if we need to go to the bathroom, we tell people first.
* we try to avoid making a mess with our food.
* we keep our voices low
* cutlery is not a toy or a musical instrument. We eat with it, we do not play with it.
* we use our napkin to wipe our mouth. We use a tissue to wipe our nose. We use our sleeve to cover our arm. Do not confuse these things.

ETA: we just instituted a new one:

If boys are fighting and someone starts to cry, the boys need to retreat to separate corners for at least 1 minute. I don't care who started it, whose fault it is or what the point was. That is for them to sort out. But if someone is crying, clearly the interaction needs to be ended and they need to separate for a few minutes.


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## reece19 (May 21, 2008)

We don't have a ton of rules (and my kids are older), but one thing we have always had is the "silver rule" rather than the golden rule - We always treat others how they wish to be treated.

Some of our other basic rules are no physical violence, be honest and be responsible.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

No jumping on the couch and no jumping on the bed. These rules are broken about 100 times a day.

oh and we also have the rule you pule up your underwear as soon as you are done using the potty, *then* wash your hands. It help to lessen the amount of time someone plays with their butt and penis and then doesn't understand why he has to wash his hands again.

If you are going to play with it on the living room floor you live with the fact that your one year old sister is going to grab it. if you want to build a fancy train track and not have her pull it apart then you play in your room with the door shut or wait until she naps. It is not okay to yell at her for playing the way babies play.


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

DS is only 15 months old, so not really lots of rules yet. More will be added as he gets older and our family, grows, but as of now...

1. You have to take your shoes off when you come inside. This one has gotten cute. He watches daddy and I take ours off, and we take his off, but now he's started sitting down and trying to pull his off on his own. I'm all awwww!

2. No food (or drinks for adults or anyone not drinking out of a sippy) outside of the kitchen and dining room. If he has a cracker in his hand and is trying to leave the dining room I just steer him back.

3. No hitting. He smacks when he gets excited or frustrated, so I've just been trying to teach him to be gentle.

The first two rules aren't so much for him as they are for my dh and I and any guests we may have, but it's good to get him in the habit of doing things the way we do.


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

food is generally eaten in the dining room or kitchen (we break this one sometimes on special occasions)

no jumping on my bed (their bed is fine)

no running in the house

i also ask the kids totake their shoes off when they come inside sometimes they will and sometimes they won't.........not a hard and fast rule


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

I forgot an important one.

You must be wearing trousers to go outside. And you must keep your trousers on while outside.

The fact that we even needed to create this rule still puzzles me.

Dh also added - no eating or licking:
* the baseball bat
* your shoes
* the deodorant
* the toothpaste
* my back
* anyone else who doesn't want to be licked.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

* shoes off in the house

* treat others with respect--no physical violence or name calling

* no spitting

* if there is fighting over a toy, the toy goes to "time out"

* if you make a mess, you clean it up

* if you wake up before everyone else, please don't be disruptive to their sleep unless you have an emergency (this one so far only applies to dd)

That's the gist of it.


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## LaLaLaLa (Oct 29, 2007)

Use a nice tone of voice when talking to others. Full sentences and polite language are appreciated, especially if you expect someone to do something nice for you.

If you and your sibling are playing rough, and your sibling says "stop," you stop. Immediately. (we're still working on this one)

If someone else is using it, you may not take it away or otherwise harass that person into giving it up. You may say politely "When you are done with that, may I have it?" and then you need to find something else to do until the person is actually done.

If Mom and Dad end up cleaning up your toys, those particular toys will go elsewhere for awhile.


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## KarmaJoy (Jan 25, 2006)

The number one rule in our house:

WE DO NOT PLAY WITH POOP! EVER!


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarmaJoy* 
The number one rule in our house:

WE DO NOT PLAY WITH POOP! EVER!

word.

again, the fact that we need a RULE for this...

I think parenting is a long realization that things that seem self-evident - like not playing with poop or not running in the house in the dark - clearly aren't.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Too many to list, but the most recent:

If you cannot play together *nicely*, you will not play together *at all*.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

We have three rules that cover everything.

1. Respect yourself.
2. Respect others.
3. Respect property.


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## bunnybartlett (Aug 27, 2002)

read

1) Golden rule-treat others as you would like to be treated.

no bad words(this is for mommy...lol)

2) treat everones belongings and everyone with respect

3) no naked genitals at the table

we wrote these when my oldest was 3.5 with her help


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## That Is Nice (Jul 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
We have three rules that cover everything.

1. Respect yourself.
2. Respect others.
3. Respect property.











These are good ones! These are the ones we have in our house (at minimum). I'd really like to add "no swearing" and "no yelling." And maybe even "no blaring tv."









Quote:


3) no naked genitals at the table




















That is a good rule, too.


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## laura163 (Sep 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *siobhang* 
I forgot an important one.

You must be wearing trousers to go outside. And you must keep your trousers on while outside.

The fact that we even needed to create this rule still puzzles me.

Dh also added - no eating or licking:

* anyone else who doesn't want to be licked.


HAHAHAHA! We have the you can't go outside without being dressed rule too. i never thought I would have to tell 2 kids to put on shorts/pants so often!

I like the licking rule too. Luckily we don't have a licking problem in our house.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Treat other how you'd like to be treated. (The Golden Rule- pretty much covers every rule.)

No food in the bedrooms. (Do you know how many times I've found food in my son's bedroom or in my bedroom that my son left there? Or my dogs have found it?)

Clean up your messes. (Hmmm... son, little girl AND Hubby need to work on this one...)

Be honest. (Can't name names...)

Rude behavior towards anyone is unacceptable. (It happens. Especially when someone's talking to their Stepparent.)

Let us know where you are (when outside or going outside). (My son thinks, just because he's 13 and has a cell phone, he can just leave.







)

No running in the house. (Certain child likes to run after the dogs in the house. Certain child is 100 pounds. Certain child thinks the neighbors downstairs must be deaf. Certain Mom worried that the neighbors will get us kicked out for all the noise.)

Shoes off in the house. (Well... my son and I do...)

No physical violence or name calling. (Not really a problem towards people.)

If you need to hit something, we have pillows. (This rule is a Godsend. Now if only I could buy a punching bag for my son's room...)

If the dogs need space, then give them space. (My dogs are too submissive. One of them won't even "tell" us she needs space- she'll just look at me, wherever I am with a "HELP!" look on her face. Niether dog has ever bitten, but my little one, I'm afraid someday she'll just snap and then bite.)

Listen to both the parents in the house. (Sometimes it's hard to listen to a parent in your house that's not a "real" parent. For the happiness and health and safety of everyone, both children need to listen to both parents.)


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## mags.bubble (Apr 12, 2007)

We post a rule/expectation list on the kid's bedroom door. It helps keep us parents focused on the important things. These rules tend to cover all the little things.

For dd17 they read:
1. Take Personal Responsibility including
Maintain a 3.5 Semester GPA
Apply to 5 colleges
maintain a job working 10-15hrs/week
Do your chores
Have a written goal

2. Be Respectful
Quit the sarcastic comments and mumbling under your breath

3. Communicate Effectively
Without needing to be asked

4. Count your blessings

5. Get Fresh air & exercise daily

For ds6 & ds4 they read:
1. Be Nice to each other
Keep your hands to yourself
No hitting, kicking, or pushing

2. Be Respectful
Use your manners
Listen

3. Be Honest
Admit when you are wrong
Apologize

4. Communicate
Stop whining/tantrums
Use words

5. Get Fresh Air & Exercise Daily


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## dewi (Jul 26, 2004)

Wait until you have adolescents:

1) Don't drink and drive (don't drink!!!)
2) Do what you say you're doing, be where you say you are going!
3) Always use a condom .

You get the picture.
Your goal is that you want to raise children who are trustworthy, respectful, and accountable for their behaviour.

So your responsibility as a parent is to be authoritative, without being an authoritarian. So let natural consequences rein in your home.


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## mags.bubble (Apr 12, 2007)

Quote:

Wait until you have adolescents:

1) Don't drink and drive (don't drink!!!)
2) Do what you say you're doing, be where you say you are going!
3) Always use a condom .

You get the picture.
Your goal is that you want to raise children who are trustworthy, respectful, and accountable for their behaviour.

So your responsibility as a parent is to be authoritative, without being an authoritarian. So let natural consequences rein in your home.
No#1 & #3 have been discussed and understood under our expectation #1 (take personal responsibility) and #2 under #3 (communicate)!

I couldn't agree more with your post. Having a teenager really puts the trials and tribulations of having small children in perspective. By teens they need a strong understanding of cause/effect. My dh & I lay out the expectations and then expect dd17 to make appropriate decisions. She is usually more surprised at getting caught than at the actual effects of her decisions!









Take care,
Maggie


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

This thread is totally cracking me up. Hilarious!

We make up rules as we go along. Like today it was "no throwing sand because if it gets in DS/DDs eyes, it will hurt." Almost every day "no hitting" comes up.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
No jumping on the couch and no jumping on the bed. These rules are broken about 100 times a day.

Hahaha - I actually have the opposite rule. Tonight I actually said "OK, DS/DD, you can go jump on the bed before your bath."

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
oh and we also have the rule you pule up your underwear as soon as you are done using the potty, *then* wash your hands. It help to lessen the amount of time someone plays with their butt and penis and then doesn't understand why he has to wash his hands again.

*If you are going to play with it on the living room floor you live with the fact that your one year old sister is going to grab it*. if you want to build a fancy train track and not have her pull it apart then you play in your room with the door shut or wait until she naps. It is not okay to yell at her for playing the way babies play.

laughup Bolding mine. I couldn't help myself. You went right from penis to playing with it, so surely I thought you meant.....







Am I the only one?


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## amnda527 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
This thread is totally cracking me up. Hilarious!

We make up rules as we go along. Like today it was "no throwing sand because if it gets in DS/DDs eyes, it will hurt." Almost every day "no hitting" comes up.

Hahaha - I actually have the opposite rule. Tonight I actually said "OK, DS/DD, you can go jump on the bed before your bath."

laughup Bolding mine. I couldn't help myself. You went right from penis to playing with it, so surely I thought you meant.....







Am I the only one?

lol, no you're not the only one!


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## LilyGrace (Jun 10, 2007)

Ours are simple. Whatever you do, it must be safe, legal, respectful, and moral.

If it meets all four, it's okay to do.


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

No hiting, biting, kicking, etc.
Respect personal space.
If someone says "stop," respect it. (Tickling, etc.)
Food does NOT belong on the carpet, walls, TV, furniture, etc.
No jumping on the couch.
Water stays in the tub.
Use your words.
Use your manners.
NO WHINING!!! (unless you are sick and can't help it)
Respect each other's property, as well as your own. (IE don't throw toys, stand on books, etc.)
Coloring is only allowed on approved paper. (Not books, walls, Mommy's homework.)


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## Let It Be (Sep 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *siobhang* 
Dh also added - no eating or licking:

* anyone else who doesn't want to be licked.

What fun is that? Killjoy.


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## tak (Feb 11, 2007)

We don't use the word "shut-up."
You have to try at least one bite.
Wash your hands.
Courtesy is expected; respect is earned.
It is rude to make comments about other people's appearance.


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

We have a motto, not so much a list of rules.

"Always obey, right away, with a good attitude."

It pretty much covers all the scenarios we encounter!


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

We mostly have guidelines.







But with one 3 yr old, it's pretty easy.

Our most basic is (stole this from someone on the net): Is it safe, kind, respectful? Okay then. Obviously, with a three year old, we have to translate that about every... 30 seconds... but really that's the bottom line.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

We have this poster on our wall:

Quote:

The 21 Rules Of This House
by Gregg Harris

1. We obey our Lord Jesus Christ.
2. We love, honor and pray for one another.
3. We tell the truth.
4. We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
7. When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.
8. When someone is sorry, we forgive him.
9. When someone is sad, we comfort him.
10. When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.
11. When we have something nice to share, we share it.
12. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
13. We take good care of everything that God has given us.
14. We do not create unnecessary work for others.
15. When we open something, we close it.
16. When we take something out, we put it away.
17. When we turn something on, we turn it off.
18. When we make a mess, we clean it up.
19. When we do not know what to do, we ask.
20. When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
21. When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept
discipline and instruction.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

:


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

Respect one another's differences
Never lay a violent hand or word, on anyone
Time must be made everyday for play (esp during the school year)
Value and respect one another's feelings
Ask questions rather than making assumptions
Look for ways to be grateful and encouraging.

I have older children.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mags.bubble* 
4. Count your blessings

SO overlooked, imo, but what a great one! I think a lot of children (and adults) take too much for granted and it is wise to stop and realize how good we have it. When DH is stressed because of an unexpected medical bill, I try to make him see that we're blessed to have access to great heath care and to also have excellent medical insurance. When DS complains before dinner that he's 'starving', we talk about children around the world who don't get enough to eat. I hate to do it, but I find myself saying "let me tell you how *I* grew up..." (t'wasn't good)

*phathui5* - LOVE those rules


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

We're a pretty flexible house I like to think, but we do have a few rules and guidelines:

1. NO FIGHTING!! Use your words and work it out together.
2. If one parent gives you an answer, THAT is your final answer. Do not go to the other parent to try to get a "new" answer - you may find the other answer is worse if you try this!
3. No jumping on beds or the upstairs furniture. We have a playroom with $50 garage sale furniture just for this express purpose.
4. When firing a water gun in the house, the mommy is OFF LIMITS unless otherwise specified! No water guns or running in the kitchen (tile floors).
5. Try one bite of what's on your plate before you announce "I don't like it!"
6. Listen when other's speak and take turns.
7. One hour of interactive electronic playtime per school night (and if DH doesn't stop playing DS's gameboy Pokemon this will soon apply to him as well!!)
8. Be courteous and respectful to others, mind their feelings and apologize as needed.
9. EVERYBODY helps clean up the messes. If this one isn't yours, I'm sure the next one will be so we all pitch in.
10. Do not lick your friends. If you lick your friends, they may not come back.
11. Do not pee outside. The world is not your urinal.
12. If you feel like you must fondle your private parts, please do so in the privacy of your bedroom. No one cares as much about your penis/vagina as you do and no one else is really interested in seeing that.
13. You must let a parent know if you go outside. If you go in the front yard, a parent must accompany you. I don't care that it's 40 degrees and the neighbor kids are outside barefoot, in shorts and unattended running all over the street. Their parents have different rules than yours do, no life isn't fair, and that's just the way it goes!
14. Say I love you often.

Many things in our house are negotiable if the argument is rational, valid and well thought out (and I've been amazed sometimes!). Our children are 4 and 6.

K.


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## Greenmama2AJ (Jan 10, 2008)

I really like those rules by Greg Harris, we aren't Christian but those are very nice.

We dont have many "rules"

1. Be gentle with the world and those in it
2. Say please and thankyou
3. Only throw balls
4. Listen to one another


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## dewi (Jul 26, 2004)

This whole thread is charming!
Remember you have to pick your battles very carefully with children.

Everything you teach now, is exactly what adolescents throw back at you when they're older. Parents are hypocrites!









It is so ironic, as little children they want to follow the rules, so sweet and the natural order of things is they grow up and push against the boundary of these household rules to become autonomous from the family.

Parenting is a forever journey, your whole life, be mindful and gentle with them!


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## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

* If I hear you fighting, I'm going to intervene, and you may not like what I do. So fight quietly and resolve quickly.

* Turn on the fan when you poop

* Be honest

* Be kind

* Be helpful


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## mama_mojo (Jun 5, 2005)

Alot of behavior comes under the heading of- "I don't want to see you (fill in the behavior)." So, if my older two want to wrestle, fine, but they have to go outside or to a bedroom. They are 8 and 6 and follow the stop when someone says stop "rule" well. And, I do not want to chase them around all day telling them, "Don't wrestle, hit, throw, chase, climb, run, bounce, yell!" I remember I would just sneak to do all these things and I do not want to teach them to sneak. If someone gets hurt, I give them the chance to fix it before I go in.

So, rules-

Do not make more work for ANYONE. (Like do not dust the little tiny bits of yarn you've been cutting for the last hour onto the floor when I am trying to help you sweep them into a trashcan.)

We all eat together.

We all do the work.

We do not wear shoes in the house. (Wearing shoes in the house breaks the first rule.)

That's it, I think. However, there are the "norms" of our house, and that's not the same as rules. It's more the sorts of things that fall under socialization to this social group called our family. Visitors might not be told, and they certainly will not be corrected. People who are more than visitors will probably be told in the same way I remind my kids, just a quick reminder and off you go.

Everyone is allowed to laugh and sing, but not necessarily at the table.

Mama has to have quiet time.

If Mama says NOW (and I almost never say it), you better do it NOW.

No one has to wear shoes outside if it's 60 or warmer.

Only clean feet touch beds.

I do not like for kids to jump on the couch, but one spontaneous jump is fine.

Feet may be cleaned in the sink (I have a foot issue.)

Do not clean your feet in the sink if Daddy is home.

Do not eat out of the serving bowl in front of Daddy.

NEVER double dip a chip, even if you're just a little toddler. The whole family will gag.

Licking at the table is NOT okay, not your spoon, not your knife, not your fingers, and NOT any serving item.

There are probably a bajillion of these, and I lost a friend for these not-exactly-rules, because she felt we were overbearing. But I bet most everybody has a list of quirky things. Like, we instituted the underwear at the table rule only when my third was a toddler. It was the first time it was a problem. We HAD a no hitting rule until it was obvious that some hitting was an acceptable part of some play for my older two. We also had a no stick rule for awhile, and then that one dropped, but came back when my littlest turned three. Now, the older two may play with sticks, but she may not. (she is an eye injury waiting to happen) And so on. My point, if I have one (sorry), is that it's good to know what is MOST important, and then be ready re-evaulate as you need to. Stop should always mean stop, but it's probably okay for some five-year-olds to play with sticks or for a ten-year-old to touch the stove.


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

Anyone who says "me first!" will automatically not be.









No running or rough housing on the stairs.

Leave a room the way you found it (and if it's a little cluttered be the bigger person and tidy it a little.)

Do not leave the back door open, OR slam it, causing the entire house to shake.

Shoes in the large basket under the console table, please.

FLUSH THE FRIGGIN TOILET. ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU KNOW WHAT.

I do not speak Whinese. Ask for what you need in a normal voice. And you are allowed to do that one time.

Mommy needs privacy when getting dressed. (Not that I mind them seeing me-that's just my quiet time to get in my right frame of mind!)

If mommy and daddy are behind closed doors, knock first and WAIT until you're invited in!

No manipulating or belittling your little sister.

No disrespecting your big sister's space.

And the safety basics-never open the front door to anyone, period, without getting mommy first, never go outside in the front by yourself, etc.

tee hee-I see your daddy rules-ours are never talk about what mommy buys for herself or you in front of daddy, just to be safe.









and daddy would say never tell mommy that I let both of you jump on the bed.


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
oh and we also have the rule you pule up your underwear as soon as you are done using the potty, *then* wash your hands. It help to lessen the amount of time someone plays with their butt and penis and then doesn't understand why he has to wash his hands again.


omg-I can't stop laughing.


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## pjabslenz (Mar 25, 2004)

We just posted rules this weekend. I never felt the need to have them posted in the house but my ds needed the visual. Ds suggested these:

1. Be Respectful
2. Be Responsible
3. Be Reliable

Consequences are: (my ds & dd were active participants in thinking of these)
First offense - verbal warning to re-think the choices we're making.
Second offense - time in to talk about what's happening or time out to think of a better solution than the choices we're making.
Third Offense - Lose 10 minutes of computer, video game, playground, park time.
Fourth Offense - Lose a priviledge

*They wanted a color system so we're using Green, Blue & Red tokens. Everyone starts the day with three. The first offense is a verbal warning but for the second, third and fourth offenses we lose a token (Green, Blue, then Red)...Red is the last color since that's STOP and if we get to Red then we're missing out on fun stuff.

We implemented these on Saturday & I've seen an immediate chance in my ds's behavior. He's a good kid but he was making poor choices(instigating his sister, arguing, being disrespectful, etc). My dh is deployed so it's me and three children. I really needed for things to change with ds and so far this is working. I believe that having the visual and being an active participant in making the rules/consequences has really helped him.


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## robin4kids (Jan 20, 2004)

I remember back about 5 years ago. Another mom and i were talking about our kids and she said that she would love to take one whole wall of her house and write out all the rules they had. She had 2 boys and they were trouble. We also thought it would be great to have a little recorder, so we could just press the button and it would say, "No running in the house. , No!, Stop wrestling" and so on.

I guess my point is that we have house rules, but i would never write them up and hang them on my wall. They change as the kids grow. It would be too hard to come up with a rule for every behavior that is not appropriate. It is not like if you hang the rules up the kids are not going to forget.
I do like the Dugger's rules, but again, really that is all their rules? On a weekly basis I have to come up with new rules. For example we have an exchange student that is drinking about a gallon of milk every 2 days! My new rule is 2 glasses a day then drink WATER! Oh and I have always had the rule of 1 homemade cookie each or 2 store bought small cookies. Take off your shoes at the door. No t.v on school nights, No rough housing, Close the door after you walk threw it. See some of the rules may sound silly, but at around 10 kids think that doors just shut themselves. My exchange student is the worst!

Robin


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## curvyred (Jan 27, 2006)

We haven't really set rules in stone--DS is only 16 months, but when I think about it, we really do have rules that we're trying to abide by.

A big one for us, and something obviously not shared by other friends, is the "Food should be eaten at the dining room table" rule. I have a small space and don't want food and drink tracked all over. The carpet is awful enough without sippy-cup drips and sticky fingers all over.

We do have a lot of "mantras" or they should be mantras given how often they're repeated. When we realize we're telling DS no more than once a day on a particular action, we come up with a positive phrase and use that. Easier for him to learn, fewer "no's" in a day, consistency.

The phrases,

"Use your hands please!" (ie, get that out of your mouth!)
"Leave the kitty alone please" (ie, stop hitting/stepping on/chasing/bludgeoning the kitty with your maracas)

and most recently,

"On your butt please!" (ie, don't stand on the couch/chair/rocking chair arm) are heard in our house daily.

I like a lot of the rules here! We'll have to come up with something a little more formal when DS is old enough to understand more.


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

I came to add the Flush the toilet rule, but mata beat me to it









Yesterday BOTH were unflushed, and they were both left after you know what , wth???!!??


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

Our babe is still very young, so we don't have many rules. However, I just recently implemented the following one especially for my DF:

"Any clothing left unattended runs the risk of being put in the washing machine at any time."

I started this after about the billionth time of picking up clothes strewn all over the bedroom, putting on a load of wash and then hearing "But my ___________ (lighter / wallet / cash / business cards / etc.) were in my pants!!" I have a two month old baby... laundry is done when I have 90 seconds I think I will be able to sneak off long enough to put in a load. I do NOT have enough time to check pockets. So either empty your pockets, or if you are going to wear them again, hang them back up.

I just found another lighter in the wash, so I expect to hear more whining later today.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:

10. Do not lick your friends. If you lick your friends, they may not come back.
and if they do come back after being licked, you may not want 'em... ; )


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## treehuggermama (Jan 3, 2007)

had to share the masturbation rules with dh!!!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I'm loving Whinese, Mata.

Ours:
1) Do not hit people or things. Not even if it's punching or tapping or any other word that sort of kind of means hit. Just DON'T. (Drives me nuts.)
2) Don't run away, always tell someone where you're going, what time you're going to be back and who you're going with. (DS2, at 8, has a hard time staying with us when we're out and about.)
3) Don't be a plonker. (Covers all of the mindlessly stupid behaviour that is piling the grey hairs on my head.)


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## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Our posted rules are

No Pushing, No Biting,
No Spitting, No Hitting,
No Kicking, No Screaming, No Instigating!

Please
Love, Play, Laugh, Sing, Dance, Hug, Kiss,
Share, Make Magic, & Be a Family!

Rules we often say (and enforce)

*no food or drinks outside of the dining room unless it is water in a sippy (or if you are a grown up and the kids are asleep or gone!)

*If you want to be naked you must be in your own room by yourself

*If you want to touch your own vagina that is fine, but again you must be in your own room by yourself!

*If you are fighting over a toy the toy gets a time out (unless it is someones "special friend" -night time lovey- they tried purposefully getting them taken away from each other)

*You need to eat at least one bite of everything served, even if you tried it and did not like it last week, you need to try one bite again tonight!

*When you leave the table you are DONE eating, your place will be cleared and you will not be given more food in your effort to stall bedtime by claiming you are starving and we did not let you finish dinner.

*Girls go to sleep in their OWN beds, if you wake up and it is dark out you may come down and climb in bed with Mommy Julie and Daddy Matt as long as you do it quietly.

*If you lay in your bed and scream for us to come get you and wake up the others we will gruimpily get out of bed to check on you but you will NOT get to finish the night in our bed!

*If you come down and get in bed quietly, go to sleep! Do not grab daddy Matt's face and yell "Stop Snoring!" If you don't like the conditions in our bed then GO BACK TO YOUR OWN ROOM!


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## Spirit Dancer (Dec 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KarmaJoy* 
The number one rule in our house:

WE DO NOT PLAY WITH POOP! EVER!

LOL!


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## Cujobunny (Aug 16, 2006)

I sat down with my ds a few months back and we came up with our List of Rules for a Happy Home. It's stuck to our fridge.

No hitting
No kicking people or cat
No spitting
No scaring people or cat
No snatching
No screaming in faces

And I'm thinking it's high time we make a new list... he's getting pretty good at not kicking the cat







but he needs to be reminded to not help his little sister walk


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mata* 
tee hee-I see your daddy rules-ours are never talk about what mommy buys for herself or you in front of daddy, just to be safe.

I know every house is different, but doesn't this rule violate the idea of respecting and being honest with everyone? Money is a big open subject in our house, so maybe I just don't get it.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama_mojo* 
Everyone is allowed to laugh and sing, but not necessarily at the table.

Okay, I'm curious. When would laughing at the table be forbidden?

I find everyone's rules interesting. We don't have a lot of rules. We try very hard not to have tons of rules. In general -

1. Ask for what you want before you start crying that you didn't get it. (My son has a bad habit of doing this.)

2. No one - and that includes the toddler - is sitting down relaxing while others are cleaning.

3. Don't hit.

4. When I say that I need alone time, I need it. Don't come banging on the door or saying you need juice. (This rule is a bit more complicated, but that's the easiest explanation.) I have bipolar disorder & borderline personality disorder. There are rules related to my mental health that are different from typical family rules but have to be in place in ours. I think they generally fall under the idea of respecting others, though. Mommy has a special circumstance that needs extra care.

5. Don't kick when someone's dressing you or putting on your shoes (instituted after one too many kicks to the chest during the morning routine).

That's all I can think of right now.

We do in general teach the kids to be respectful, but I don't know that it's a "rule." It's more of a learning process. With DS we're really working on teaching him to solve problems, so if DD gets grabby, we're working with him on explaining to him that he should take a deep breath and then work with her on what he wants changed.


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## NikonMama (Jan 8, 2008)

We are the type of people that don't make rules unless there is a reason for them, so most of our rules stem from something and are there for a reason. It may seem like we have a lot, and we are fairly strict, but you have to know our son to understand. He is kind of a space cadet.

Our general rules are: (keep in mind my son is 9, almost 10)

Shoes off in the house

Shoes need to be worn at all times when outside, unless you ask permission first and stay on the grass (DS is 9, and if allowed to would go in his stocking feet, and for a while there we were going through a package of socks a week because he would walk on the concrete and get holes in them)

Homework must be done immediately upon getting home, before anything else, otherwise it will never get done.

If your butt is on the bike, the helmet is on your head. Period.

If you get caught riding a bike without a helmet, the bike is taken away for one week.

Your room must be clean if you want friends to come into this house.

The toilet must be flushed at all times.

You must ask permission to go play outside or off our property so that we know where you are.

If playing off our property, you must check in every couple of hours. A phone call will suffice. If you go from one friend's house to another, you must call to let us know where you are.

If you go to the gas station/grocery store, you must ask permission first and call or stop by when you get back to let us know you returned safely.

You may only go to the gas station/grocery store if you have another friend going with you. You may not go alone.

You may get up once from the table to use the restroom, etc, but if you get up again your plate will be removed. If you get up from the table just to screw around, you get one warning. If you get up again your plate will be removed (this rule is for the certain instances when DS eats alone, like at lunch, etc).

No video games or tv before school.

No video games period during the school week. Only one hour per day of video games (that means all video games, including the ds, psp, or a system) on the weekends, which can be split up into two 1/2 hour segments. I will not keep track of your time, so if you wanted to do a 1/2 hour segment but continued for a full hour you will not get another 1/2 hour.

No playing in the garage. Dad's things have a way of disappearing that way.

Your bikes/skateboards/helmets/etc need to be put away when you come inside for the day, otherwise they will be taken away for two days.

You may not use the computer without asking first.

I am another one that has a pet peeve about my chair being moved when I am at the computer, so that is a rule here also.

That kitten is NOT a toy. (That is a new one. You would think an almost 10 year old would understand that, but obviously not. The poor thing is scared of him.)

Showering must be kept to a reasonable amount of time. One hour for a 9 year old boy with 1/2 inch hair is NOT reasonable.

It is not acceptable to sit at the top of the stairs butt naked after your shower.

If you want to be naked, you must only do so in your bedroom alone. (if given the choice, my son would be a nudist and has absolutely no modesty)

Don't play with your penis in front of other people, and in turn stop putting your hands down your pants in front of other people.

Your penis is not a worry stone.

Do. not. ever. touch. mom's. camera. EVER.

We do not starve you. You may eat whenever you are hungry (within reason) if you ask, so stop sneaking food and hiding the evidence under the sofa because you think you never get fed. (Seriously, this is a HUGE problem here...about once a month we have to clean out below the sofa and it is COVERED with wrappers and remnents of cookies and crackers, etc). He is allowed to have a snack or food whenever he asks, so we have NO clue why he does this.

No food in the bedrooms.

No violent behavior, even in play.

Loud voices are for outside only.

If you live in this house, all messes are everyone's responsibility to help clean. I have cleaned up your messes many times, so you can help clean up stuff that isn't yours.

Slamming doors in anger will get you in BIG BIG trouble mister.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NikonMama* 
Your penis is not a worry stone.









We've actually gone with my ILs' saying, "son, it's not a handle." It works surprisingly well for all of the boys in the extended family.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

We actually have posted a list of mealtime rules. I got tired of constantly reminding DD1 of the rules and her resenting me being a nag. Now I just say, "hey, DD, Rule #1" and she corrects her behavior. They are:
1. Ask nicely for what you want.
2. Say no thank you if you don't want something.
3. No yelling or whining.
4. No food on the tablecloth or on the floor (babies are exempt).
5. If you get down, (for any other reason besides potty trips) you can't come back, and you have to leave the kitchen.
6. Use a fork or spoon when it's needed.

I'd have a hard time listing our other household "rules." But here are a few:
no hurting other people on purpose
my favorite: no putting your pillow on the babies' heads (don't ask)
don't jump on mama's bed
take your shoes off when you come in the house
no toys on the stairs
no naked bums on the couch (potty trained members of the family excused from this one)
food stays in the kitchen
don't tease or hurt the cats
share the "shared" toys, and leave other people alone when they're using their "personal" toys
don't throw things inside
keep your voice down and stay downstairs when the babies are napping
don't snatch things out of other people's hands

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. We have rules about the routine of our day-- like don't yell about mama not reading books with you when it's time for mama to clean the kitchen. We have rules about cleaning up. We have rules about dawdling and making us late for stuff. We have rules about car and traffic safety, and rules about the garden, and rules about kitchen safety and bathroom safety.


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## SpiderMum (Sep 13, 2008)

-Before getting up from the table you must let Mommy wash your hands and face.
-Messy things like play-dough and paint are only to be used at the table after paper or a cookie sheet has been put down.
-Electronics (TV, VCR, cellphones, computers, game consoles) or DVD's are not playthings. Don't touch them. If you want to use them, you need to ask Mommy or Daddy and they will help you.
-The internet is not for children.
-No "grazing" at mealtimes.
-Limited or no television before the age of 2.
-No pulling on or hitting of animals.
-Shoes are to stay on feet when we are out in stores/restaurants.
-Make a scene in a restaurant and we are promptly leaving.
-No running around restaurants like a banshee. Also, no games until you are done eating (is it obvious I worked in restaurants too long?)


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## tomuchspade (Sep 11, 2008)

Ok our rules are fairly simple.
1. No rough-housing of any nature.
2. No running inside
3. No negative comment to or about each other, absolutely no one is stupid or a cry baby.
4. Put your things away, if I have to do it, you will never see it again(until they forget its existence)
5. Your dishes go to the sink, you trash goes in the trash, and your dirty clothes go to the laundry(or don't get washed)
6. The truth shall set thee free.
7. Be nice
8. No means No and I don't have to explain why if I don't want to.
9. No eating and no computer after I go to bed.
&
My Favorite Rule
10. Absolutely no tatletelling. I will punish the one doing the tattling. If I don't see the crime you don't do the time! (this was mostly do to my step sons behavior, they are 13 and 14 now, but when they were younger they could not wait to get each other in trouble-thought I would go crazy, so I put a stop to it in a relatively short time).


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## bumblebee07 (Sep 13, 2008)

I have a few:

No shoes in the house.

No food upstairs. Sippy cups at bedtime only.

All toys to be tidied up before you go to bed (lego and magnetix are the exceptions if they are ongoing projects). If mom and dad end up tidying everything, you will lose the toys.

Stay out of your sister's bedrooms, unless you are invited. They are their own property and you are not welcome without permission.

If you don't want to share a toy, keep it in your own bedroom. If it's not in your own room, it's fair game. If we get tantrums from you because your sister has a toy, the toy will be taken away.

If you start a game or play with a toy anywhere other than your own room, don't get upset/frustrated/angry when your sisters try to join in. You will be the one removed from the situation.

No playing on the stairs.

Don't interrupt mommy or daddy while we're on the phone. Stay out of daddy's office.

Don't lick the cat/pull the cat's fur or tail/don't kick/hit the cat.

For our 5yo: Always flush the toilet

To avoid the naughty chair:
Don't hit your sisters
No hitting/kicking/biting
Don't draw on the walls (we just had to redecorate the living room because of this. If the kids were older, they would have paid the money for the new paint).

That seems like quite a lot really.


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## ErikaG (Nov 12, 2005)

Today's been a day where I've had trouble maintaining my patience and composure-I'm not feeling well and that makes it difficult to parent a very needy five month old.

I thank you all for this thread-it's been amusing and inspiring all at once.

So I'm curious-are most of your house rules ones that have grown organically just out of everyday living, or are they ones that you and your co-parents (if you have) sat down and decided on, or what?


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

:


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## mataji4 (Sep 28, 2006)

It's great reading all of these! I don't think we have any that haven't been mentioned, but we have a LOT of rules. I only wish that we had written them all up, or more importantly, agreed on what they were, when our first was born! I hate making up new ones as we go along- I think it discredits us somehow- it looks like we're just making it up as we go along!









Our kids go to time out (1 minute per year old) for breaking any rule. Then sometimes when we go to release them and talk about what happened, there is a further consequence if it's a more serious offense.

Generally, my expectations for behavior are high. I'm not okay with my kids being poorly mannered like so many kids today are. There seems to be cycles of isses, and right now we are working hard on interrupting, and being loud when others are talking (on the phone or in person) just to be rude.


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## KD's Momma (Oct 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leewd* 

*If you fight over it, you lose it*

Basic Rule: *If you can do it for yourself, you should do it for yourself.*

Oh, yes, and one more: *Get Off The Baby!*














:









we have this one too

We have a list of rules but some of these are so great and really need to be added to ours thanks for this thread it's great to see that my family is "normal" and not everyone has wonderful never misbehave children


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## karemore (Oct 7, 2008)

We have lots of rules here too, DD is 3 1/2 so nothing is written down anywhere yet.

No hitting
No biting
If you need to scream, ask the people around you if it's OK (this actually works with DD)

Shoes off in the house and then put away.
Clothes in the hamper

Pee BEFORE getting into the tub

Pee pee and poo poo only talked about while on the toilet (hate potty talk)

messy food stay in the kitchen

messes are not a problem as long as you clean them up or ask for help right away

clean up as you go, don't get everything you own out at once

one PBS show in the morning, one in the afternoon, no tv on weekends no commercial tv no tv when we have company

wash hands!! Wash hands!! Wash hands!!

I know we have zillions more.


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## soposdedi (May 9, 2005)

No food in the bedrooms, preferably only at the 'dining room' table
No hitting of any kind, ever
No use of ugly terms when talking to another person, like dummy or stupid or what have you
No jumping on furniture
Put your clothes in the hamper or drawer when you take 'em off
Dinner as a family, always
No shouting across the apartment
Sleep by 8 during the school week


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

We have many "rules" but none in writing. They have mostly evolved.

Don't splash water out of the tub.
Pee and poop goes in the toilet.
Don't draw on walls.
No name calling.
It's okay to be angry or sad. It is not okay to abuse yourself or others.
No hitting people.
Never hit or hurt an animal.
If you spill something clean it up.
Be polite even if you don't like someone or something.
Do not accept gifts from people you hate
No feet or butts on the dining table.
Dirty clothes go in a basket.
No rollerskates on the stairs.
No spitting on the floor or on other people.
Brush your teeth every day.
Take care of your things.
Live within our means- don't expect every toy, food or game you see to be yours.
No stealing or "borrowing without permission".
Wear proper clothing outdoors.
Don't play by the busy street.
When someone is on the phone don't scream at them for attention.
When someone is sleeping keep the noise level down.
Don't jump on the sofa.
Stay out of my closet.
Don't play with matches, broken glass or sharp knives.
Don't hit the window.
Don't climb onto the roof.
Don't lie.
Don't swear.
Sweets and junk food are sometimes foods.
No internet usage without permission.
Don't use my MDC account to post strange things.
No re-naming or deleting files on the computer.
Hang up wet clothes or towels.
Don't waste food or drinks that you ask for or get for yourself.
Don't throw food behind the stove.
If a door is closed, knock before opening it.
Don't draw in or rip books.
Ask for help when you need it.
Wash your hands when you come in from outside.
Put shoes in the proper place not the middle of the floor.
Everyone wears a seatbelt properly or the car doesn't move.

Et cetera


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## WeasleyMum (Feb 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onlyzombiecat* 
No re-naming or deleting files on the computer.

My brother did that! When he was 5 or so, he somehow deleted a huge chunk of software from the family computer, by dragging it to the trashcan. He's a high school senior now, which tells how long ago this was... I think we were running Windows 95 at the time. The entire "accessories" file, where the "paint" and "draw" options were, where the solitaire was, all gone and unrecoverable. He was banned from the computer until his 6th birthday.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *siobhang* 
* don't turn my chair while I am sitting on it (okay, this is my pet peeve - my office chair rotates and I hate it with a burning passion when someone moves me, especially if I am typing).

OMG, this is my pet peeve, too!









DS is 2 so we're just starting to have house rules, but the one that comes to mind now is NO BODIES OR FEET ON THE TABLE. It drives me nuts.


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## Peppermint Poppies (Jan 7, 2007)

We don't have many 'rules' as such, but there are things that I enforce that will probably change or become redundant, subject to age and maturity, for example:
- the water sprayer bottle (DS's favourite toy) is only to be used in the bathroom, and most definitely not on the bookshelves
- toddlers are not allowed in the kitchen, underfoot, while I am cooking dinner (making sandwiches or cereal is fine) because it's dangerous
- no playing with sharp knives, drill bits, electrical cords, rubber bands, thumbtacks et.

Our main rule is: No hitting, biting or hurting. "Gentle touches" only.

A funny rule that my parents used to enforce for my 3 sisters and I growing up: No singing at the table. Weird, huh!


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I know every house is different, but doesn't this rule violate the idea of respecting and being honest with everyone? Money is a big open subject in our house, so maybe I just don't get it.

I wouldn't read into a comment made with humor too much, or presume that such an arrangement would be disrespectful or dishonest. My dh has often said (again, with humor) knowing how much things cost (particularly with daughter-related paraphernalia) gives him agita-and he'd prefer not to know! We spare him as much as possible out of respect.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

We don't have many stated rules, but the unstated-but-enforced-regularly would be:
1. Don't hurt people, animals, or property
2. Respect the boundaries of people and animals

Some stated rules I have:
*When someone says "no" or "stop" that means you HAVE to stop (this came up for when ds's friends come over. But it applies to me, dp, and everyone).
*You can only play shooting and chasing games with someone if they want to play it too.
*Any toys in the kitchen need to be removed immediately upon my request.
*No standing on the top of the back of my couch, no sliding down the back of the couch, and no bouncing on my couch. (It became a problem, and seemed like it could result in injury to a body or my couch. He is allowed to SIT on the top of the back of the couch).


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