# Help! 2 year olds won't stay in bed! What do I do???



## at-home (Jan 9, 2009)

Please help me. My 2 year old twins will not stay in their beds when its time for a nap or bedtime at night. They jump and laugh and climb out of their cribs and run around. How can I possibly get them to stay in bed? They have language delays so that doesn't help. (I think they can understand, but they cannot verbalize.) We are new to non-spanking, so I really need suggestions!


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## lerlerler (Mar 31, 2004)

I think the FIRST question is: Why do they need to be in bed when you ask them to?

Would they EVER voluntarily get in bed?

My two year old has never been "forced/coerced" to nap/ go-to-bed. He has alwasy benn read to sleep/ nursed to sleep.

To HIM? Bed is a pleasant place to go when tired.

Around his normal naptime and bedtime I ask.. "want a story in your bed? or a nene (nursing) in your bed?"

he will OFTEN say "Yes"

when he says "no", it's not usually for too lomg at naptime, he'll ask ME in 20 minutes. but occasionally he doesn't ask and he doesn't nap.

And at night? We brush teeth, get in PJS and THEN I ask. He may stall for 20 minutes or so to finish a project, but then he willingly goes.

Gotta make bed a POSITIVE place...

but if you've done coercion/CIO up to this point, ya may need to help them rethink that bed is GOOD... and it may take a while


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## SunShineSally (Jan 18, 2005)

my Ds used to have a strict nap and still strict bedtime. He was and is NEVER ready for bed/nap (he stopped naps when he was done nurseing at 3







I miss our nurseing relationship) I always had to lay with him, if you do not cosleep at night you could try during naptime to cosleep. Still once in a while I need to lay with Ds and he is almost 5. my friend does this with her 3 children. they do not sleep in the bed at night only the real little one still that would be good to try?

Also do you have a good routine? My Ds needs a routine. Always did as did I. If they do and you do not have one it can cause children stress even now for me at 25 when my routine gets shifted it is hard for me. It took my mother a long time to figure out that was what I needed, because she doesn't need one herself.

You could try a bath before bed they always helped Ds. We would and still do bathes/now showers. then we read a book or sing our goodnight song.

Light music helped when Ds until he was about 2 then he said he didn't want it anymore.

I hope some of that helped


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## reezley (May 27, 2006)

Twins, how do you do it!? I'm sure it's more challenging than with just one, but here's my experience with my just-turned-2yo anyway:

For months we were in a great routine where he was *asking* me to go upstairs to put him down for a nap, with nursing, and snuggling to sleep. But the last few weeks, he resisted it, he'd get up and try walking away, and, thinking he NEEDS a nap and MUST be tired, I'd pull him back and said "stay on the bed, it's naptime"... and after a couple days of totally fruitless efforts to get him to really try to nap, I gave up. He used to skip a nap here and there before, but now he hasn't napped in about 5 days. And he's fine. He's a little more tired and crazy in the evening, and bedtime is a bit earlier, but he's sleeping better at night, less waking. It's quicker to get him to sleep at night, too - although I still have to convince him for a few minutes to really stop and lie down and try to sleep. And really, if I didn't lie down with him, I don't see how he'd ever calm down and stay in bed long enough to fall asleep. Oh, I do put on music these days too - or sing a song for him.

So - my point is - maybe they're just not as tired and could skip some naps?


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## Malva (Nov 2, 2005)

I've always lied down in bed with my kids until they were asleep. I think dd was near 5yo when she finally stopped needing that.


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## AkRotts (Sep 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *at-home* 
Please help me. My 2 year old twins will not stay in their beds when its time for a nap or bedtime at night. They jump and laugh and climb out of their cribs and run around. How can I possibly get them to stay in bed? They have language delays so that doesn't help. (I think they can understand, but they cannot verbalize.) We are new to non-spanking, so I really need suggestions!

Oh boy, can I soooooooooo relate







My 2 1/2 yo twins are doing the same thing. Last August we ended up buying Carson a mesh tent to go over his crib to keep him in. He was NOT ready for a toddler bed and I was worried about him falling out and getting hurt. Unfortunately the mesh tents don't last that long and we are currently on our third one (which broke after 4 days
















A couple weeks ago we went ahead and converted Camryn's crib to a toddler bed. She has done great and we had no problem with her getting out of bed. This past weekend we went ahead and turned Carson's crib into a toddler bed instead of getting yet another mesh tent for his crib. What a mistake that was







He is STILL not ready for a toddler bed and refuses to stay in bed.

What we have been doing is one of us sits in there with them until they go to sleep. They still keep getting up and we have to put them back into bed, but they are getting better about staying in. This is only an issue at nap time when it is light outside. At night they go right to bed and stay there because it is too dark for them to get up and get into stuff (they do have a nightlight).

Our biggest problem is if there is only one person home, because Caitlyn the 22 month old still sleeps in my bed and doesnt have a bed in the twins room. Unfortunately if she is in the room with the twins nobody calms down enough to sleep and it's a disaster. Right now I get off work at 2 and try to be home by 2:20 in time for their nap.

At our house nap time is VERY important. If they don't nap, they are monsters until bedtime (they didn't nap yesterday and it was HORRIBLE!!). If it was just one toddler, I might be willing to forgo the naps, but with three of them, NO WAY! Three cranky toddlers is WAY more than I can handle on a regular basis


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## AkRotts (Sep 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lerlerler* 
I think the FIRST question is: Why do they need to be in bed when you ask them to?

Because it's bedtime and they get VERY cranky if they don't get their sleep. As a mother who works full time I need them to go to bed so I can get some sleep and go to work in the morning.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lerlerler* 
but if you've done coercion/CIO up to this point, ya may need to help them rethink that bed is GOOD... and it may take a while

Just because they have a nap time doesnt mean you have to CIO


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## chaimom (Aug 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lerlerler* 
My two year old has never been "forced/coerced" to nap/ go-to-bed. He has alwasy benn read to sleep/ nursed to sleep.

To HIM? Bed is a pleasant place to go when tired.

Around his normal naptime and bedtime I ask.. "want a story in your bed? or a nene (nursing) in your bed?"

he will OFTEN say "Yes"

when he says "no", it's not usually for too lomg at naptime, he'll ask ME in 20 minutes. but occasionally he doesn't ask and he doesn't nap.

I don't think you realize how unusual your child is-- and it also sounds like you only have one, not twins who get each other riled up. This is not typical behavior and suggesting that the OP's struggle with nap/bed time is because the kids are coerced or do CIO is quite a leap. I have three-- twin boys, and a girl. My girl tells me when she's tired for bedtime, but never for nap and she often skips naps. My twins never would have admitted they were tired at that age, although one of them does so now, at nearly 7 yo. But my twins needed a nap or would be miserable for the two hours leading up to bedtime, plus they wouldn't sleep well. So helping your children get the sleep they need by having a npa schedule is absolutely appropriate.

OP... my boys used to laugh and joke with each other during nap time, too, so we had to stay in the room with them until at least one fell asleep. We separated them sometimes, too... putting one in our bedroom and letting the other stay in his bed. Eventually, we let them take a couple of books on their bed as long as they stayed quiet, and when they were ready, they would close the books and go to sleep. Like so many things, the nap battles were a fairly short phase. They gave up naps by right around 3.


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## at-home (Jan 9, 2009)

Thank you for your understanding regarding twins. I was overwhelmed and discouraged at the post about coercing/CIO. Twins do present challenges that I have not experienced before (and I am mother of 8!) and gentle discipline is new for us. So glad for the info and support that is here!


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## at-home (Jan 9, 2009)

*To Lerlerler*: I'm assuming "CIO" is "crying it out??" (Not up on your terminology.) Just for the record, my twins do not "hate" going to bed, and they don't cry without my attention. On occasion I have taken one or the other to their crib for a "quiet time" with books when she is having a difficult time (cranky, etc.) and its a welcomed, positive experience for her. Bed is a positive place and not a place of punishment. Its just that, with twins, there is this dynamic where they "get each other going" with making each other laugh and be goofy, and at such a young age, its difficult to know how to handle. It's really "over the top" behavior once they get going! Also, there are many other family members in our household, each with their own needs to consider. Do you have more than one child?


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## lerlerler (Mar 31, 2004)

Yes. I have two children. (see signature). although not twins!! and that IS challanging. Night time trying to get two children to bed is tricky....

And although I DO realize I am lucky, I still stick by my opinion that you can't MAKE a child go to sleep.

But YES, you can help them get there. I still read my 4 year old and nurse the 2 year old to sleep at the sametime in the same room (stiff neck, anyone?) and sometimes it takes a lot longer than I would hope. and yes, I get nothing done some evenings and end up going to bed WAYYY too late But we will all look back in a few years and remember that time as some of the best times.

And I never said I thought a specific person did CIO(yes, cry it out) but when a poster says both "how do I MAKE my children stay in bed" AND I am new to non-spanking, it certainly was possible that she had attempted this in the past, so I felt it was worth addressing in a the-transition-may-be-difficult way, not a shame-on-you way... parenting shame is too often doled out..i would hate to add to it

Regardless, it's awesome that the OP is in the GD forum and I wish her luck on her journey


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I've heard bedtime with multiples referred to as "a musical prison riot," and it's definitely true. And while a totally non-coercive approach is one variation of GD, GD is not limited to those practicing totally consensual living.

So here's my take, a bit more coercive but still gentle, I think:

My son is also 2, also a twin, and also sleeping in a "big boy bed," in a room with his sisters. (DD2 is in a crib, but DS's crib was damaged and we discarded it as unsafe.) He gets up and plays with his sisters, and they all get each riled up, and then stay up half the night. Left alone, they will eventually fall asleep (in the oddest places, too, not in bed) but then they're CRAZY mean and exhausted the next day.

Here's what I've tried:
going in as soon as he gets up, putting him back in the bed, gently telling him to go to sleep, and then leaving again. This goes on for AGES and AGES but eventually he gets the idea that he has nothing to gain by getting up a million times. This took about six days of putting him back to bed at least a dozen times, and sometimes as many as 60. Not for the impatient, but it will work. If he cries (he doesn't, actually, but if he did) I'd sit or lie with him until he was calm, and then leave.

I works some evenings, and DH doesn't have the stamina for this approach. His way is to get a book or something and sit quietly in the corner, in the bedroom with them. If he's there, every time a child makes to get up, he can gently get them back into bed, and put a stop to any crazy monkey business before it gets started. He stays until they're asleep or almost so.


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## cjcolorado (Apr 5, 2005)

I have 2 1/2 y.o. twin boys (and a 4 1/2 y.o. dd) and have used the same technique all along since the boys transitioned out of their (shared) crib at 18 months to a full-size mattress on the floor. For both bedtimes and naptimes, we read a few books in bed, then I lie down between them until they fall asleep. On the days where they are extraordinarily riled up they sometimes skip a nap (and go to bed at night much earlier). But, I understand that this has been our routine all along, so it's what they know--you're in a position to try something new, so it may not work well. Also, my daughter is at an age where she can play quietly on her own for the time it takes me to get the boys down. If you have kids of different ages that can't necessarily go without supervision that long, it would be tricky, too.
I had to laugh at the "musical prison riot!" Some days that can be so true!
I wish you the best--twins can sincerely be a challenge! Also, you may want to cross-post this question in the "Parenting Multiples" forum here at MDC and see what sort of suggestions you get.


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## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
I've heard bedtime with multiples referred to as "a musical prison riot," and it's definitely true. And while a totally non-coercive approach is one variation of GD, GD is not limited to those practicing totally consensual living.

OMG. I have to remember that phrase. It is so so so true! My girls (3 years old) become more and more psychotic as the hour gets later, but it's almost impossible to get them to settle down without a lot of work on my part. They've been like this since 18 months or so. They get into their painfully-cute-but dangerous phase about an hour before bedtime, and they just egg each other on and on and on. I can say it's bedtime a thousand times but they tend to ignore me.

I have to stay with them in bed until the bitter end (both asleep). Now, it's a little different because they cry for me if I leave. If they were actually just happily playing, I might be tempted to just let it go, even if it were late. But that's not an option here, so I lie between them (they have a queen-sized bed) until they are both out. Sometimes if one is very relaxed and the other asleep, I am allowed to leave with the remaining twin awake, but that's rare. I hate the coercive approach, but when they are really being crazy and ignoring me and playing, kicking, etc. with each other, I've found myself saying "If you keep talking I'm going to leave the room..." which usually settles them down but makes me feel like crud.


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## twins plus 1 (Jul 8, 2012)

Hi there,

Just joined and only just read your post. I sympathise with you deeply. I have boy and girl twins age 2yrs (in March). They will not stay in their beds. They are in the same room and as soon as I put them in, within seconds they are laughing and jumping about. I've tried the Supernanny technique, putting them back in bed and not saying anything but they think it's fantastic! I know consistancy is the key and am still doing it but am starting to get discouraged. I'm so grateful of advice i've had from friends etc but unless you have twins, it's hard to understand what to do and what it's like. If there was just one of them I would have it cracked by now but with 2 VERY lively 2 year olds (like caged animals actually) it's a huge challenge.

You posted this a while ago so have you made any progress yet? If so can you let me know what you did. Mine are now in cot beds with the sides down as they kept climbing out the cots.

Many thanks

Paula


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