# Mary Rose's due date



## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Well, today is Mary Rose's due date. I am so sad thinking that I should have been planning a birthday party instead of buying flowers for a grave.

I miss my daughter so much. I had a miscarriage in October and one thing I felt while I was pregnant was that I missed not being pregnant with Mary Rose. I missed her specifically.

I am so sad that I will not get to know her. I will never see her smile, or hear her laugh. I will never see her face of surprise or smell her breath. I will never get to brush her hair or dress her again. I will never teach her to put on make up or help her pick out a perfume. I will never teach her how to put on stockings or buy her first bra. I will never know her dreams or fears or passions. I will never get to hold her and kiss her and comfort her. I will miss her for the rest of my life.
Gossamer


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## be11ydancer (Dec 2, 2003)

Oh, Gossamer. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. I'm just so sorry. I will say a prayer for you, Mary Rose, and your October angel.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

gossamer, my heart is aching for you. Take care of yourself today. Due dates are so rough.


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## China white (Mar 29, 2004)

Dearest gossamar,

My heart broke for you when I read your post. What a painful realization it must be of the things you will miss out on with your precious Mary Rose.
My _personal_ belief, (& prayer for you) is that once you _do_ hold your baby to be (whenever they are to arrive) in your arms, Mary Rose will be *right there* with you. When your teaching your little one to tie their shoes, Mary Rose will be there, too. As you cheer your child on as they learn to ride a bike, Mary Rose will be there, cheering the loudest. I don't mean just watching from above, but actually _there,_ with you.

gossamar, there are no words that will ever replace the pain you're feeling, and I won't even pretend to know 1/10th of what you're experiencing, but one thing I do know is that Mary Rose is fully aware of the love you have for her, and will continue to have for the rest of your life. You have the love of a mother ~ the strongest in the world. And once you do have your baby, your love for him or her will be stronger than you ever imagined possible_, because_ of Mary Rose, which is just as she would want it to be.

Love & prayers,








Michelle


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

I know there are just no words...my heart is with you and your family today and everyday.


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## ksjhwkr (Apr 1, 2003)

Gossamer,

I know that these days are so hard. Much love to you and your family today.


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

Peace be with you and your family on this difficult day.


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

i'm thinking of you, sending you love. i am so sorry


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## Ellie'sMom (Aug 10, 2002)

Gossamer

Thinking of you and Mary Rose today.


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## number572 (Aug 25, 2004)

I think Mary Rose chose the BEST mama, one who WON'T forget her beauty & life lost... you are beautiful, Gossamer... I'm so, so sorry you have such heartache to live with, wishing you peace tonight (& everyday) & joyful occasions to get you through it all. You are one strong, loving mother.























Happy Birthday Mary Rose!


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

(((((((gossamer and mary rose )))))))


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## babycarrier (Apr 2, 2004)

thinking of Mary Rose and your family tonight. Big


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Gossamer, your words are so poignant and make me cry.







I think about you two a lot and I go and look at her photo every once in awhile. It always makes me cry to see your precious angel and your heartbreak.


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## momof3cutekids (Jun 24, 2004)

Thinking of you and your angels today Gossamer


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## wolfmom (Jan 10, 2003)

Mary Rose is the luckiest baby in the world to have a mother who loves her and cherishes her as much as you do. All the love and peace in the world to you gossamer.


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## Gemini (Apr 9, 2003)




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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)




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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

You guys are all just the best. I can't tell you how big you make me smile and how sweet you all are. In the past two 1/2 years I have found the best support group here of women who are as caring and nurturing and compassionate as anybody I have met IRL. Thank you again for your kind words and for helping me to know that my darling, precious Mary Rose will not be forgotten.
Gossamer


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Gossamer,
So much love to you honey. I have been thinking about you and Mary Rose for the past few days....now I know why!!!








I have no great words...just love!
I haven't reached Gracie's one year anniversary date....I know when I do..you will be right there loving and supporting me.

I love you and Mary Rose sooo much!!!

Love and Peace,
Jackie


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## number572 (Aug 25, 2004)

oh jackie, happy birthday to gracie too









are we made into women b'c we can handle this much, or are we able to handle this much b'c we're women?
love to you both...







& all of life's beauties & peace


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## Star (Apr 21, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *number572*
I think Mary Rose chose the BEST mama, one who WON'T forget her beauty & life lost

My thoughts exactly.


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## atomicmama (Aug 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *number572*
I think Mary Rose chose the BEST mama, one who WON'T forget her beauty & life lost... you are beautiful, Gossamer... I'm so, so sorry you have such heartache to live with, wishing you peace tonight (& everyday) & joyful occasions to get you through it all. You are one strong, loving mother.























Happy Birthday Mary Rose!


I couldn't have said it better.


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

Gossamer









I have been thinking about you so much lately... I'm sorry that I am just now finding this thread. I was feeling like an important date was coming up? Definitely, this first birthday will be the hardest. Other birthdays have hurt too, but Xiola's first birthday I truly thought my heart would break. I hadn't hurt that much since we first lost her...

I absolutely hear you about missing being pregnant with Mary Rose. When I first concieved Ezra, it was so confusing... because yes, I was pregnant and thrilled to be so, but even so early on, I could sense that this was a new child, a new soul that I was blessed to carry. I was suprised that my feelings were so mixed. I knew this child could never replace my daughter... and I certainly didn't want him to... but I was suprised by how much more I missed her while pregnant with her brother.

You know, I do beleive Xiola is still 'with' us. On her first birthday, I was sobbing for the child that I should have been celebrating that day. I should have been making a cake and wrapping gifts, not clutching a handful of tear-stained photos of my sweet baby girl. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw curly-haired toddler girl run up to me and bury her face in my lap, comforting me. Seconds later, I was alone. For a moment, we were together again... but are we ever really apart? Often babies on the street will look over my right shoulder and smile and wave... do they see her there, with me?

Ezra has had so many close calls where he is about to fall, or hit his head... and something (someone?) catches him... he definitely has someone watching over him. He is such a magical child... sometimes I think he sees her too, when he was tiny he'd smile and babble at thin air. Xiola is still very present in our family. As long as we remember her, and let what we have learned from her life guide us in ours, she will always be with us.

Gossamer, you are such a strong, loving mama. The 'easy' thing would have been for you to try to bury your pain, to try to forget how passionately you love and miss your daughter. But by fully experiencing your grief, you have touched and inspired so many, and ensured that Mary Rose will never be forgotten. One of the most painful things about losing a tiny baby is that no one else really knew that child except you and your husband... because of you, and of your sharing your loss with us, Mary Rose is loved and remembered by more people then you could ever know. You have created a legacy for her. You have ensured that she will be remembered.

I used to ask, 'why us?'... but it was because Xiola had lessons to share, and she needed the parents who would not shy away from that. She needed parents who would celebrate her life, and ensure that good things came of it, no matter how brief her stay was with us. I think the same of Mary Rose... she chose the perfect mama for her, someone who would love her fiercely, and make sure that she was emembered and loved... someone who would share her story and ensure that she is not forgotten.








Yes, you will miss her the rest of your life. Mamas don't forget about their babies. Ever. Even though I have a wonderful son, I still passionately miss Xiola, and no many how many more children we have, I will always have one less then I should. I will always miss my daughter... and so will you. It does get easier over time, but you will never forget her. Somehow, to me, knowing that I will always miss her is less scary then the fear that I may someday forget her...

Huge hugs to you, Gossamer... you can't possibly know how often I think of you, and send you my love.

XM


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

XM, that was such a beautiful post!


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

XM For a moment said:


> Thank you XM...thank you so much for your brillant words.
> 
> You are loved!!!


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Thank you again everyone for your thoughts. I know that your positive energy is what is keeping me afloat in this ocean of grief. I miss her so much right now. I miss seeing her grow up, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. I miss seeing her little hands reach out for me. This season is so hard for me. Mary Rose is still a November baby to me and it is so hard to face the holidays without a baby.

Thank you all so much for supporting me and being so free with your love and compassion. Thank you also for reassuring me that Mary Rose is not forgotten. As her momma, that is my biggest fear, that no one will remember what a beautiful spirit she was and what a blessing she was to this world.

XM, I also think of you often knowing we walk down the same road. IT is reassuring to see how far you have come in your journey of grief. You are an inspiration and a comfort to me. THank you for sharing your story and your struggle and your highs and your lows.

Nursing mother, you are in my thoughts constantly as Jordan's anniversary approaches.

Number572, wolfmom, amywillow and everyone else, thankyou for speaking so highly of me and remembering my daughter. I was truly blessed to be chosen as Mary Rose's mother. I have not yet determined why I was so blessed by her or what I am supposed to do, but I know that with your support and compassion and confidence in me, I will honor my daughter.

Jackie, Thank you so much for being there all the time, unfailingly, and faithfully. Thank you.

Thank you everyone again.
Gossamer


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## apcanadianmamma (Sep 30, 2004)

I missed your due date but I just wanted to say that I looked at the pictures of your daughter Mary Rose by clicking on the link you have in your sig...she is just beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes because she truly is such a beautiful little baby....


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## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

gossamer







I think of your sweet mary rose often.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

My heart is breaking for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## China white (Mar 29, 2004)

XM, what a powerful, touching & spiritual post that was.............you *amaze* me, and although we don't 'know' each other, I have been a distant admirer for sometime. You bring such strength & comfort to the mamas who find themselves in this most painful of situations. You are truly a blessing to MDC.

*((((((gossamer)))))))*
You are in my prayers, mama.


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