# Is spanking "mainstream" where you live



## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

This is a bit of a spin off. But I am always surprised when people say that spanking is the mainstream where they live.

It certainly is not where I live. An upper middle class northern suburb. I know not one person who would admit to spanking.

Time outs, yes. But spanking is considered something that is "not done"

How about where you are?


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

Nope, it's not generally accepted here either (East San Francisco Bay Area, California) -- at least not among the people I know. I do think it's more common in certain communities in the greater Bay Area though. But it's not something I see in public where I live, thankfully.


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## 4tsomething (Jan 2, 2007)

Sadly yes, "deep in the heart of Texas"...














:


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## lanamommyphd07 (Feb 14, 2007)

In Greeley CO among immigrant, lower SES, or fundi Christian families, quite common.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

In even slightly APish circles- no (but time outs are)

BUT mainstream? Yeah. No one has a problem talking about: popping, swatting, spanking, tapping, flicking, even biting their children.







:







:

-Angela


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## sally Z (Aug 7, 2005)

still very very very common in South Africa


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

Not common where I am...in Portland, Oregon. I'm sure in surrounding areas it is but this city is pretty progressive.


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## sue2u (Feb 14, 2007)

pretty common here


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## Hera (Feb 4, 2002)

I don't think so, although I've seen it out and about once or twice (it isn't anything like what I saw growing up in Chicago). I've seen some pretty rude parenting, too. No one I know has ever talked about it, or suggested it to me as a useful parenting tool. I'm in Eugene, OR.


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
In even slightly APish circles- no (but time outs are)

BUT mainstream? Yeah. No one has a problem talking about: popping, swatting, spanking, tapping, flicking, even biting their children.







:







:

-Angela

Yep. Here too. It's not only considered mainstream but it is encouraged at the first form of correcting a child's behavior.

We live in a small, predominantly Southern Baptist community when the "spare the rod, spoli the child" verse is lived by.

I grew up in a small, liberal community in Oregon and spanking was not mainstream. I didn't have any friends who were spanked, but we did get grounded and yelled at.


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## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4tsomething* 
Sadly yes, "deep in the heart of Texas"...














:









:


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## sunset (Aug 24, 2005)

Here in Japan, spanking is the norm.
I teach young children and the mothers often say ' if he doesn't behave smack him'

Yeah right! That'll teach him.


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

yep. even in moms i think wouldnt do it, they do


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## SwissMama (Sep 5, 2005)

No, thank god.

My husband was born and raised here and i made a joke to him the other day about our daughter needing a spanking (totally joking, and said flippantly) and he was shocked and scolded me for even saying it. He's never known children to be spanked, except by "bad people" (his words).


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Yep, pretty normal here. Of course we are connected with the Christian community, and of course, they all believe spanking is God's gift to parents.














: Among those who I just see out in the community though, a full blown spanking like the Christian parents I know do- with the talk before and hug- after is not commen. Its more like threats, arm grabbing, pinching, CIO, flicking, ect. Spur of the moment, 'Don't you dare embarass me in here' 'I have nothing else to do' discipline (punishment). Yk? I wish I had a little track, like the ones for Christian believers to hand out! Like the ten steps to a violence free home, or ten things to do other than punish or something like that. Hmmmm...maybe I'll think something up! Then when I see something like that I can just walk up and hand the parents a little pamphlet.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

Yes. Spanking and more, sadly.


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## caeden&connersmom (Apr 18, 2006)

Oh yes. In fact, my family is always insisting my boys "need a good spank. That will make them listen and behave"







:

I hear that from my mom and g-ma a lot! In fact, my mom doesnt sit for the boys because the few times I asked her to, she said "Well you know, if they misbehave Im going to spank them" Right then and there dh and I decided she was not going to ever babysit until the boys are older.

I hate that people around me (Except for my 2 aunts who are the greatest, they both spanked their kids but comment on how much patience and caring we have to be able to work with the boys instead of resorting to spanking as the knee jerk answer) insists that spanking is a good thing.

My niece was spanked (She is now 8) and she lies all the time to avoid getting in trouble! How the heck is that a good thing?! Ugh!


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Spanking is very common in Italy (where I was born) and French-speaking part of Switzerland (where I live now). Not all people spank in public (although some do) but I have seen almost every single mom and dad I know (both in Italy and here) threaten to spank. So sad... and CIO -- it is a must around here...


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## melissel (Jun 30, 2004)

I think it's something a lot of people don't talk openly about, because most people know it's not a popular option, but I think more people do/have done it than will admit, or who readily discuss it. For example, I was at a new playgroup with some MOMS Club members shortly after my DD2 was born. DD1 was just over 3, as was the little boy, and the other little girl was just under 3. We were sitting on the floor and the little girl was upset about something, and the mother was pretty harsh with her--basically told her to stop being "fresh" or else. The girl finally sulked off, and the mom asked the other mom, "Do you think she's too little for soap in the mouth?" I thought my head was going to fall off. There was a pause, and I thought, Oh good, the other mom will say something. And then she said, "You know, I don't know. I asked my mom the same question about N and she said she didn't think there was such a thing as too young." After hearing that, and then seeing at other events how they talk to their kids, I have to think they spank their kids, even though we never actually discussed it. I only know one mom who I know for sure spanks, slaps, smacks etc.

This is why I don't go out with other moms very much.


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gaialice* 
Spanking is very common in Italy (where I was born) and French-speaking part of Switzerland (where I live now). Not all people spank in public (although some do) but I have seen almost every single mom and dad I know (both in Italy and here) threaten to spank. So sad... and CIO -- it is a must around here...

It is still common in Italy even though it is illegal there?


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
In even slightly APish circles- no (but time outs are)

BUT mainstream? Yeah. No one has a problem talking about: popping, swatting, spanking, tapping, flicking, even biting their children.







:







:

-Angela

We were in Texas for a couple months and I was totally in SHOCK at the disregard for children there! And a lot of people are very loud in public to there kids.


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## nannyboo (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4tsomething* 
Sadly yes, "deep in the heart of Texas"...














:


Quote:


Originally Posted by *425lisamarie* 
We were in Texas for a couple months and I was totally in SHOCK at the disregard for children there! And a lot of people are very loud in public to there kids.


i'm in austin and i don't know anyone who spanks, thankfully.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I think it is the norm here.







I am in Minnesota.


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nannyboo* 
i'm in austin and i don't know anyone who spanks, thankfully.


WOW, that suprises me. Maybe things are changing! Everyone I know that lives in the south says it's still pretty disrespectful to children


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

I don't know anyone who spanks. All of my siblings and my husband's sibs have young kids - a total of six different families - and no one spanks. The families with young children whom we associatie socially with don't spank.

I'm sure there must be parents I know who do spank - at school and so forth, but that we're not close enough aquaintances to know about it.


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## sweetfiend (May 22, 2004)

I'm in a University town in Northern California and I can thankfully say I have never known anyone who spanks (or admits it) and have never seen a public spanking.

Just yesterday my daughter and I were at Starbucks and a mom was standing quietly in the corner lecturing her 7 or 8 year old. The lecture had been going on for about 10 minutes when my daughter said, "What's wrong with that woman. Doesn't she know that yelling at her kid for 10 minutes is CHILD ABUSE!!"


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

Very much the "norm" here. The only people I know who don't spank are my AP friends!


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## kellers1384 (Nov 8, 2004)

i'm in houston and its definetly the norm around here. although i have seen a few people out and about at places like the zoo and childrens museum, who from just hearing how they talked with their children so respectfully, i betcha they don't spank. so it is nice to see it out there. but i am the only one i know who doesn't spank (irl).


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## eldadeedlit (Jun 22, 2004)

we live in new york and have different populations that each sort of keep to themselves. our neighborhood is pretty white. mostly college students and professors, the vast majority of them white. middle class. my kids go to a pretty expensive school where most of the parents are doctors and the like. they aren't really ap, but spanking certainly is NOT the norm. i can't speak for the other "populations" in our area... poorer whites, African Americans and Latinos I admit I dont know much about. so maybe it is common among them. i dunno.


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

i live in Maine on the NH border and from what I see, its not "ok" to spank, but people do. I know a few people who do, and my Memaire is often trying to convince me that a little "pop on the bottom" worked for her..... but most people we know dont and I never see it in public, i think somebody would call the authorities for child abuse here.


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## Sylith (Apr 15, 2002)

In our MOMS Club, LLL, etc, spanking or other harsh discipline is really not the done thing. I do see and hear some parenting that really makes me cringe when we are, say, at the Dr's office, or the library, or the store, not actual spanking but yelling, shaming, yanking kids around...









DH's extended family are in NJ, too, though, and they spank and worse.

My extended family is from the South (Arkansas and Texas, mostly,) and they spank.


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## Bellita (Jan 23, 2007)

My in-laws SIL, BIL and FIL, spank and it is very upsetting to see. They live in Houston.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

It is not mainstream where I live.


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## ani'smommy (Nov 29, 2005)

Yes, totally the norm here in the midwest.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

I'm in a northern suburb of Chicago and I really don't know how mainstream it is. I know that every time I am with a group of women in my neighborhood, I hear about how they spank their kids, and I have seen children get spanked in public, but a lot of times when i say I am completely opposed to spanking, the other person I am talking to says they are also opposed to spanking.

But just about everyone I know uses time-outs, which I hate almost as much as spankings.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

I think it may be pretty popular here in my town. But in MASS maybe not so much.


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## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

Its very common here in Idaho. Also screaming at your kids in public. The worst is parents bragging about it. Oh yeah big strong man to take down that horrible 4 year old eh?


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## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

Very accepted and considered the norm here. I actually do not know a single family IRL that does not spank.







I'm in Minnesota.


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## mrsalf97 (Oct 22, 2004)

Yes, it is very common. And carseats are uncommon.


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## marnie (Jul 13, 2004)

i live in NYC in a very ethnically and culturally diverse, lower-income area and no, spanking is absolutely not the norm.

my daughter was born in italy (milan) and we lived there for some time, and i'll agree that everyone threatens to hit but i don't know anyone who does. threats are huge, though. and yes, i'll absolutely agree that CIO is the norm there. EVERYONE i knew or encountered told me that i would be spoiling my poor child and she'd never learn how to cope if i responded when she cried. we were at the hospital when my daughter was born, she was 24 hours old, she was crying and my husband was rocking her in his arms and singing to her and a nurse stopped him and said "if you do that now you'll be doing that for the rest of her life. put her back in the bassinet so she can learn to calm herself."


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## Thalia the Muse (Jun 22, 2006)

Suburb of Los Angeles, and spanking is definitely not the norm. I think it's really a class divide -- educated middle-class parents here just don't spank. It's not recommended by any mainstream parenting expert (I would not consider John Rosemond mainstream) and for better of worse spanking has acquired the taint of the woman standing in Wal-Mart whacking her creatively named child with a flip-flop.


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## crazycandigirl (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4tsomething* 
Sadly yes, "deep in the heart of Texas"...














:


Quote:


Originally Posted by *425lisamarie* 
We were in Texas for a couple months and I was totally in SHOCK at the disregard for children there! And a lot of people are very loud in public to there kids.









:


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## pumpkinseed (Aug 6, 2005)

No one spanks here-at all. But then everyone breastfeeds here as well







So being gentle and bf here IS mainstream. Time outs though-are pretty common.


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## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrsalf97* 
Yes, it is very common. And carseats are uncommon.









This is true where I live as well.


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## hammas (Oct 19, 2006)

It's illegal here so it isn't mainstream. Some people still do it. Time-outs are common.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Aimee** 
Its very common here in Idaho. Also screaming at your kids in public. The worst is parents bragging about it. Oh yeah big strong man to take down that horrible 4 year old eh?

I was going to say I could only think of one public spanking I'd seen in all the years since my dd was born...and those people were from Idaho! Not to give Idaho a bad name, because I know that in rural northeast Nevada, where I grew up, spanking's pretty normal.

But here in Reno, I never see spanking. And that one time I did, which was at a family restaurant, I noticed that everyone else was pretty appalled. I don't really know anyone who is hardcore AP, though most are aware of the basic tenets, but spanking's still really frowned on. And a lot of my mom friends don't CIO either, or if they do, I've noticed they're really apologetic about it. And we usually go to a park where almost every other parent is Hispanic, and I never see them spanking, and very rarely yelling, so I wouldn't say it's just my group, either.


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## *LoveBugMama* (Aug 2, 2003)

No, not normal at all. I live in Norway, and has never in my adult life seen anyone get spanked. I know several my own age who was spanked as children, including myself, though. But it is now considered wrong, and abusive.

I am sure there are still people doing it, but it is definitely not the norm.

But timeouts and all the other Nannycrap is considered to be "the right thing to do." Behaviourism is BIG in Norway....


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## RoadBuddy (May 19, 2005)

Not here. I live in a fairly well-off suburb in the midwest. If you go out 30 miles into more rural areas, it's more normal, but still not what "everyone" does.

It's seen as "low-class" here, and people in my town are very concerned not to seem "trashy". Their words, not mine, and that's a whole other problem with this area.


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Not really.

But I've seen pinching, belittling, yelling, 1-2-3-ing and heard threats of spanking.

Have not witnessed the actual spanking, so that's what I base my assumption on.

Although many people that I talk to don't think twice about advocating it - whether or not those people have children on their own.


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

southwestern Ontario and no, not that I am aware of or anyone would admit to.

but then..the other day I heard a dad say to a mom when their kid wasn't obeying "smack his a**" and I was shocked..it was the first reference to spanking I have heard in years. Except for my ex husband..who never spanked but always talked about doing so


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *425lisamarie* 
WOW, that suprises me. Maybe things are changing! Everyone I know that lives in the south says it's still pretty disrespectful to children

Hey, they don't call Austin "the third coast" for nothing.


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

Absolutely, yes.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Honestly, I don't know. I have three sets of friends with children, and I honestly couldn't tell you for sure if any of them spank. I doubt that the natural-birthing, cloth-diapering, extended-breastfeeding, cosleeping mom does.







Another one is totally mainstream in terms of things like formula and TV, but she's very gentle with her daughter and I can't picture her spanking. The third set advised us to CIO at 2 weeks and sleep with both bedroom doors shut so it would take longer for the cries to wake us up







: but I don't know if even they spank. I know her family complains that they're too lenient with their kids, so maybe they don't.

On the other hand, this is a pretty conservative Catholic area and when we used to run Dr. Laura's opinion column, it was pretty popular. I suspect that most people spank, but think it's inappropriate to yell or spank in public or very often.

Oh, and I have two friends from this area, one 22 and one 38, who were both hit with belts and considered that normal. But the one who has nieces says her siblings don't spank them. I guess there's been some generational change.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

In all three southern states where I've lived, spanking was absolutely the mainstream.


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## carrietorgc (Sep 16, 2003)

spanking was normal growing up in norfolk va although I know that my parents did not use it too often (and never with belts). they were big on restrictions, grounding, etc.

Here in NOVA i only know a few that do. i sometimes see kids getting swatted at target....our neighbors across the street have mentioned casually that when the kids were younger (they are 8,6, and 5) they swatted a few tiems. among most of the people i know from LLL and API, no.


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## MommytoHHH (Sep 12, 2006)

Yes, I'd say it's definitely mainstream here. So is FF (by choice) and CIO


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## Alohamelly (Jul 1, 2005)

Yes, it's common and the norm here. I don't personally know anyone who spanks but I see it often. I saw 2 different kids getting spanked/slapped today while I was at the hospital.


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

In Seattle, definitely not the norm. I don't know anyone who spanks, and I can't remember ever seeing anyone hit their kids here. I've definitely noticed a difference when I'm visiting relatives in Kansas or Texas. I can't believe the way people treat their kids there.

I'm always surprised by some of the stories on here about spanking parents because I just don't see it here. Thank goodness.


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## MaxMommy (Feb 16, 2007)

I know people here who spank and I've seen kids get hit in public. I wish I had the courage to say something but I don't.


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## lara1828 (Aug 11, 2005)

Not here (upper-middle-class neighborhood of St. Paul, MN) amoung people I know. Though people think I'm a freak for not using time-out or sending my soon-to-be 3 yo to preschool.

I do see lots of other un-gd around here though


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## clogmama (Dec 26, 2006)

I live in the Netherlands and it is definitely not the norm here. It is against the law to spank your child here, an effort the government made to try to reduce child abuse.


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## simplehome (Jul 13, 2004)

Seattle area, and I don't know of a single person who would conceive of spanking their child. But the circles I run in might just be biased.


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## SomedayMom (May 9, 2002)

Yeah. I live in the Bible Belt. All that good Christian spare the rod bull.







:







:


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## lanamommyphd07 (Feb 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *clogmama* 
I live in the Netherlands and it is definitely not the norm here. It is against the law to spank your child here, an effort the government made to try to reduce child abuse.









I wanna mooooooooove!


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunset* 
Here in Japan, spanking is the norm.
I teach young children and the mothers often say ' if he doesn't behave smack him'

Really? I guess in the area I am in I don't see that behavior so much. I do see the light tap on the head when children aren't listening but I've never seen or heard of parents spanking--WOW! Now, I do live on a military base where spanking is totally the norm and seems encouraged by the other parents on base to correct children's behavior. However, off base in the Japanese community I have never seen anything like this.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

I'm in central Nj and I've never seen it. We are in an mid to upper class suburb (although we are low income) and we go to the park all the time when the weather permits and we belong to the Y. I see the same kids all the time and have never seen any of them get hit. I have seen time outs and threats and some belittling but never have I seen a swat.


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## serenityjewell (Oct 3, 2006)

I'm from Bellingham and people, in general, are not pro-spanking. I have met several people (and even friends) who are pro-crying it out, early solids, etc....so I wouldn't be surprised to find out they spank, too. I guess you never really know people until you see them as parents. I guess we're all just learning and doing our best. Keep at it everyone.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenityjewell* 
I'm from Bellingham and people, in general, are not pro-spanking. I have met several people (and even friends) who are pro-crying it out, early solids, etc....so I wouldn't be surprised to find out they spank, too. I guess you never really know people until you see them as parents. I guess we're all just learning and doing our best. Keep at it everyone.

I don't think these things are tied together necessarilyl. I think you can go to many, many areas where people believe that CIO and early solids are the best for their child but would never ever ever spank.

Most upper income suburbs in the Northern Part of the United States (with the possible exception of Utah, maybe) would find this to be the mainstream.

In fact does ANYONE live or have lived in a northern state in an upper income area where SPANKING is the norm? From the posts here it seems like that is NOT the case. Though my guess CIO and early solids (if you mean before 1 year) is.

The reason that I mention upper income is those places (in the North) that I have lived that are upper income have a "mainstream view" that spanking, as one pp said, had the "taint" of being "low class" (their words).


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## sparkprincess (Sep 10, 2004)

Heck yeah it is. I live in the Bible Belt. We are "supposed" to spank our kids.









Luckily, I'm seeing more and more parents who spank less and less are are really leaving that as a last resort. So we are slowwwwwly making progress.


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## eldadeedlit (Jun 22, 2004)

It is interesting to see the regional differences.

Does anybody know if spanking is the norm in southern California? My BIL's GF moved here from the LA area and she is a big time spanker and is very proud of it, thinks our kids are spoiled brats etc. We had a big falling out over things related to the "cultural" differences between us actually and that is a big thing I have a hard time getting over. I thought people in CA would be much like NYers in this respect and not spank, but am I wrong? I dunno.


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

It's not the norm in southern Cal among the people I know there, but they're all highly educated professionals, so it might be a biased group. In general it seems like spanking isn't prevalent in more liberal areas, so I'd guess southern California would follow that trend.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainyday* 
It's not the norm in southern Cal among the people I know there, but they're all highly educated professionals, so it might be a biased group. In general it seems like spanking isn't prevalent in more liberal areas, so I'd guess southern California would follow that trend.

This I believe is 100 percent true. Can ANYONE name an area with a "liberal" bent where spanking is "mainstream"???????????????????


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peacelovingmama* 
It is still common in Italy even though it is illegal there?

I did not know that spanking was illegal in Italy. Where did you get that info? Anyway yeah, most people threaten in public and do spank in private

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marnie* 
my daughter was born in italy (milan) and we lived there for some time, and i'll agree that everyone threatens to hit but i don't know anyone who does. threats are huge, though. and yes, i'll absolutely agree that CIO is the norm there. EVERYONE i knew or encountered told me that i would be spoiling my poor child and she'd never learn how to cope if i responded when she cried. we were at the hospital when my daughter was born, she was 24 hours old, she was crying and my husband was rocking her in his arms and singing to her and a nurse stopped him and said "if you do that now you'll be doing that for the rest of her life. put her back in the bassinet so she can learn to calm herself."

poor marnie, I feel sorry for you and your dh, I was born and lived in Milan and lived there for 24 years and it was not just the nurse it is EVERYONE CIO is basically compulsory ... I know this thread was about spanking and not CIO, sorry to go OT


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gaialice* 
I did not know that spanking was illegal in Italy. Where did you get that info?

I believe it's been illegal there for just a few years (since 2004, I believe). I don''t recall where I first read the information but if you google it, you can get lists of all the countries where hitting is illegal and Italy is on all of them. Here is one list (from Slate which I just quickly googled):

"According to Thomas Nazario, a law professor at the University of San Francisco, Finland, Norway, Austria, Cyprus, *Italy*, Croatia, Latvia, Denmark, Israel, Germany, Greece, Portugal, Sweden, Bulgaria, Iceland, Romania, Ukraine, and Hungary have outright bans against corporal punishment of children. Canada, Switzerland, and Belgium have limited bans that depend on a child's age."

Also, I know that Greece recently enacted legislation outlawing hitting children.


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

I live in Dallas, TX, the spanking capitol of the world. Or at least it seems that way!

There is also a pervasive sense that your children belong to you, as in, you own the children. Like slaves. It drives me nuts!


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

No, it isn't really well accepted here in my area.


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## ~Nikki~ (Aug 4, 2004)

It's generally looked down upon, here. In fact, I can remember an uncomfortable few moments late last year. My husband - for some unexplainable reason - decided to say to my daughter "If you don't stop doing that, I'm going to spank you!" Well, since she had never heard the word, and had no idea what it meant, she decided that "spank" meant "to be scolded."

For the next few weeks, she would tell people that we spanked her. And it was embarassing! I didn't even realize she was telling people this, at first. And then one day she came up to me and said "Mom, Daddy spanked me" and I said "WHAT?? What do you mean he spanked you? What did he do??" She told me "He got mad at me and told me that hitting is wrong." And then she told me "You spanked me too, mommy, when I hit my baby brother."

The daycare provider brought it up to me one day, and I had to sheepishly explain the situation, and assure her that no, we absolutely don't use spanking as a form of discipline.

Despite having many friends and family members that are more mainstream, I don't know a single one of them that admits to spanking.


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## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

It isn't just mainstream here, it's a prerequisite. I actually think that if they were to build a hospital in my town they would probably lecture you in spanking along with carseat safety and baby care before you were allowed to take the baby home. Luckily, the hospital is in a more progressive community.

I live in a mill town in New England...one of those towns where most of the people that live here were born here and will die here. Things are pretty old school - there is a sort of unspoken rule that kids are to be neither seen nor heard. Most of the families that I know have rules that the kids spend the majority of the time (at least when company is present) in their bedrooms or playrooms or whatever part of the house the parents have decided. I think that it's getting less common for moms to _admit_ that they spank (though time outs, soap in the mouth, yelling, belittling, grounding.... are quite common), or at least the more preppy-ish moms (but many of them still do). What I find more desturbing is that most of the spankings that I've seen are not traditional spankings (open hand on the butt), but are just 'smackings'. I've seen kids be hit on all parts of their bodies, with an open or closed hand and sometimes kinda kicked. It's not as bad as it sounds (I mean, it's pretty bad, imo), the kids aren't hit hard. So I would think that it falls more into the arena of mental abuse rather than physical.

But anyway ya, it's mainstream. In fact just the other day I was out and heard a man say very loudly to a boy of about 4 that if he didn't cut it out (he was trying to help push the cart) he was going to get a boot through his @$$. I was at walmart, for those of you who couldn't guess









When I was in NC I think it was more common. It was before I had kids and I thought spanking was a necessary evil (I was raised that way), but even I was disgusted by what I saw there. Parents that really tormented their children - taking objects and smacking something (the wall, the seat beside the child...) really hard to try and scare the kids into submission. And they actually did spank. In fact one time a woman I worked with said when she got home she was going to get her some "@$$ art" (comparing the marks left to fingerpainting). And she seemed very happy about it and everyone around thought it was funny.


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Thanks peacelovingmama. This gives me a huge, huge thing to say to my relatives, although it still ranks second to "pass me the dip sauce please, it is really delicious, isn't it?"


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## ACsMom (Apr 21, 2006)

I live in the Bible belt. It's the "spare the rod" mentality here. I hate it.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainyday* 
In general it seems like spanking isn't prevalent in more liberal areas, so I'd guess southern California would follow that trend.

This is kinda nitpicky, but SoCal is actually pretty conservative/republican. CA as a whole is a blue state, but it's pretty politically divided between Northern CA and Southern CA. Anyway, I agree with the rest of your post -- spanking is not the norm in any of the areas of CA in which I've lived (both north and south), but then I've always lived in areas where most people are educated and fairly affluent.


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## moppity (Aug 15, 2005)

Totally the mainstream here. In fact apart from myself and my DH, I don't know ANYONE who doesn't spank. Actually, MIL's best friend told me she didn't but her youngest is about 35 now so I don't know if that counts







Although my best friend has (finally) figured out it doesn't work and has decided she needs to stop.


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## MandyLou (Jan 28, 2007)

Like many other posters, I'm in the Bible belt as well. Honestly, you're seen as a "bad" parent who will have out of control children if you DON'T spank.


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## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

Slightly OT, but does anyone else encounter this?

I run into people all the time who pretty much feel like if I don't spank my kids they should be perfect. I'm like, well, they aren't any worse behaved than your kids, your kids act up sometimes, too...and they're like "but at least I spank them". And I'm left with a big ol' dumbfouded look on my face, like wtf?


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## rowansmomma (Feb 25, 2005)

I think spanking is kept on the DL here..... I did read someone on a mainstream local parenting board that responded to a spanker, "I didn't know people still spanked in this day and age!" so I gather it's not embraced but then it's not totally ridiculed either.

So, in summary.........middle road here: Ohio.


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## Neth Naneth (Aug 11, 2006)

I would say it is 50/50 where I live, WA, or at least with the people that I know that have children.







:


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

South Texas here. I'm one of 3 families that I know that don't spank. That's it, sadly. It's an interesting mix of people - on one hand, we have the upper middle class/upper class with the "children are accessories" mindset, where children are not people, they're just what you do when you get to a certain age, and spanking isn't seen as hitting another person. Then, there's the more country version of disrespecting children, where they "get the belt" if they misbehave at WalMart (and I'm not generalizing, I'm actually quoting from people I know that I've seen there), and then there's the Hispanic population, where slapping and smacking are more the coporal punishment that happens.

And heaven help me, but I still can't help but crack up when my Latino/a friends tell me about their crotchety grandma who would get pissed off and throw her chankla (leather sandal) across the room at the kids when they got too rowdy. Horrible, I know, but the way my friends tell it, guelita would just whip off her chankla and whiz! across the room it would go - they learned to duck and cover really fast.

Not that it's okay at all, and it's really not funny a bit. But I still can't help but laugh when they reenact it.


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## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

no.


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## mowilli3 (Jan 7, 2007)

i live in DC and there is a big class component to it. Once I saw a mama pull her dd's undies down and spank on the subway train. So many of us in suits glared at her that she got embarrassed and got off the train at the next stop. I was furious! All the child had done was play on the seats, but her mama was more interested in chapping up a man than engaging her.


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## alexisyael (Oct 23, 2003)

Yes. I'm on the gulf coast and spanking is so mainstream here that when we first moved, within a week DH and I heard a "personal essay" type piece on NPR from a 19 year old who was praising his parents for having spanked him! And said he would continue to do so when he had kids. I'm pretty sure I started bawling in the car.

My two closest mama friends do not spank. And I don't think any of the parents who work with my DH (he's an academic) do, either. So, luckily, we have a non-spanking community around us.


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## libranbutterfly (Jan 12, 2007)

Very common here, bible belt, set in their ways people. I cringe every time I see/hear it


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## kxsiven (Nov 2, 2004)

Anykind of physical violence against children - from circumcision to spanking - is forbidden by child protection&criminal laws here in Finland.

It isn't just a dead law letter either - parents do get punished.


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## 3lilmonsters (Feb 24, 2007)

I'm moving to Finnlan! Who's with me?


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## pinkmommy (Mar 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
This is kinda nitpicky, but SoCal is actually pretty conservative/republican. CA as a whole is a blue state, but it's pretty politically divided between Northern CA and Southern CA. Anyway, I agree with the rest of your post -- spanking is not the norm in any of the areas of CA in which I've lived (both north and south), but then I've always lived in areas where most people are educated and fairly affluent.

In 2004, LA county was a blue one. Most of the bigger metropolis areas were blue. I have lived in Orange, Ventura, Kern, Tulare, and Sonoma counties -- so I have lived all over CA. Of course there is a huge difference between the Bay Area and central CA (and also northeasetern CA). I'd say LA area is still pretty liberal, but not to the level of the Bay Area. Spanking is very normal in central CA. Yeehawww. I grew up in and around Bakersfield.

I now live in North Carolina. However, the area of NC in which I live is a bit more diverse than the south in general. I believe Cary, NC, is has the most educated population (percentage wise) or close to the most. I have only lived here for 10 months, so I am still getting a feel for the area. I don't see spanking as the norm, but a mixed bag here. I do see the conservative Christians who endorse spanking. I attend a non denominational Christian church. I wouldn't really say it is liberal or conservative. I know that a few months ago the NC Baptist whatever they are voted to not allow homosexuals to become members and our pastor stood up in our church and said we would NEVER do anything like that and was real down on such and idea -- and the congregation applauded. However, for sell in the bookstore is "Sheperding A Child's Heart," which has a lengthy discussion about spanking.

I am curious about the comments from people who said spanking is the norm in Italy and some parts of Switzerland. What I am curious about is this...and I am not sure how to describe it. Can we say that an entire country is very much in favor of spanking or not spanking? I kind of think we can. Example: I think Scandanavian countries and the Netherlands are pretty much anti spanking. I am sure you will find people/populations within these countries that spank (despite the laws) but as a whole I think they do not endorse spanking. I think Italy and Switzerland are more of a mixed bag. My husband is British, but lived in Swizerland for three years and has friends all around Europe. In the Italian circle of friends he had, spanking was not the norm. In general, there seems to be a high acceptance of child-like behaviors and many things which would earn a punishment here might go unnoticed. Even within my DH's British family and circle of friends, I find this to be the case. I was surprised because I had this image in my mind of proper British people - British children dressed nicely and drinking tea.







But no...there seems to be a fairly high tolerance for kid stuff. However, the older people I met did sometimes seem more in keeping with how I had pictured British people. DH's nana is the exception to that.

I have a friend who was a Christian missionary in South America. She said there tended to be a high acceptance of child behaviors and children would rarely get spanked, but then when they did it would be in some big way

We have quite a few Asian friends. In some ways, I think they are very strict. None of my Asian friends openly spank, but they do rule with an iron hand. I'm not sure how that is. What is the iron hand? I am just using a phrase to describe that they don't let much get by. I know three of the families do not spank and have discussed some anti spanking stuff with me. However, they are very strict. I am thinking about this now and kind of laughing because I know quite a few people who think you MUST spank in order to have well behaved children (as if behaving "well" -- whatever that is -- is the be all, end all). However, my Asian friends who do not spank have children who are much better behaved than my spanking friends. It's just kind of funny to me.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

A little of both. I live in an upper middle class suburb, and I do know a few who spank, or swat a hand, but I doubt it's any more than 20% of the moms I know. Well at least that's my estimate on who admits to it.


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## Pastrydemon (Feb 3, 2005)

I'm in Austin, Texas. My sister (lives in a small town) spanks. Horrible. No one I know personally around here does but I was at a park last week talking to this mom and she kept threatening her DD (3) with a spanking. It was heartbreaking. I had to keep walking away from her (I had already told her what I believed and I knew she was closed to changing her mind). It was so shocking as I'm just never around it. I was spanked (a lot) as a child and I'm still resentful about it.

Argh!


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## trinaker (Dec 19, 2005)

I live in a liberal, north-eastern city. I'm in pretty "mainstream" parenting circles and don't know anyone who spanks. If anyone does, I don't think it's something they would admit.


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