# Is it unhealthy or disturbing?



## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

That I wouldn't mind having another baby with Down Syndrome? I keep thinking to myself that it's my way of wanting part of Duncan back. It was really painful to see pictures of babies and toddlers with Ds after having him. I was bitter and jealous mine didn't make it. The only reason finding out he had Ds was heartbreaking was because he had so many complications. I really can't say I would be devastated if this baby or a future baby had Ds. There's worse to experience and go through than your child not being "perfect" or healthy. I just don't want to go through the same experience and outcome.

Is it unhealthy to want a baby with Ds? Is it different than adopting a special needs (Ds) child, which we have considered.


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## alternamama82 (May 28, 2009)

No, I don't think it's unhealthy. I've thought alot about this too, after my daughter was born with t-18. T-18 is very similar in alot of ways to T-21 (Downs,) however the lifespan of 18 is usually much shorter due to severe defects and the way that the brain is affected (if T-18 babies don't die from their defects, their brains slowly shut down and they forget to breathe and stuff...) But alot of the physical characteristics when you look at their face are similar... Most people who have only ever had healthy babies would probably think I was nuts, but I would happily welcome a baby with Downs. I would really hope for their sake that their congenital defects were minimal so they didn't have to suffer through surgeries, but I would give a Downs baby a wonderful life! I would be thrilled to be a mother to ANY baby who lived, regardless of their issues! HUGS!!


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

not exactly the same thing.. but I just asked Shaun yesterday if he thought it was creepy that I want Delaney to look like Dresden. Other people might.. but I think we just want that connection with the babies we lost. We don't really want these babes to BE the ones we're missing, but just a connection to them would be nice. I would love to look into Delaney's eyes and get a glimpse of what her big brother would have looked like.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

I think these feelings are understandable, although you can talk to someone if you feel you would benefit from it.

In MY opinion it shows how much love you have for your Duncan, and how you have CHANGED by knowing him...you know now that you COULD handle this....

I think it makes you sound like a very unconditionally loving and wonderful mom.

It's not like you're wishing this state onto a child out of evil intentions. It's not like you want anyone to suffer. I think it comes from loving Duncan and missing him.

But talk to someone like a counselor if you need to.


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## Guinevere (Apr 17, 2004)

s, Brittany. No, I don't think it's strange at all.

I can tell you that many of the parents I know who have living children with DS wouldn't mind at all having another one (I certainly wouldn't, our entire family would welcome it with open arms), and I think it just shows how carrying a child who is "special" is deeply transformative to us as parents, no matter when the child leaves us during that journey.

I will also say, though, that most of the parents who feel this way have children without serious medical issues beyond the Trisomy 21. It's very hard to watch your child struggle with serious medical complications, repeat hospitalizations, and multiple surgeries. No one wants that life for their child. We have been unexpectedly fortunate in that Sophia, apart from a very rocky birth and long NICU stay, has been physically healthy since then, so I'm sure that affects my perspective.

I wish you a beautiful, healing pg and a healthy, sweet baby, whether chromosomally enhanced or not!









Hugs,
Guin


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Oh gosh no - not strange at all! Totally natural









And hey - if any of my children had downs, I would not be "devastated" either. I can't see downs as a reason to be devastated at all really - not when people with the condition are so darn lovable and such awesome human beings! For that reason, we declined all the testing last time and will again this time









*HUGE hugs* mama! XXX


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## alternamama82 (May 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JayJay* 
For that reason, we declined all the testing last time and will again this time









*HUGE hugs* mama! XXX

We didn't have testing last time either, so we didn't know about Freja's condition until the day of her birth. I don't regret not testing, because it wouldn't have made a difference - I still would've carried her to term. I will also decline testing in the future, because there are too many false positives and I would *not* have an amnio without a VERY good reason that early on in pregnancy. The risk of m/c is just not worth it to me, and it would not change the outcome of the baby's health even if there were something wrong.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Not at all! I'm sure part of it is wanting your little one back.

But I have thought for many years that I would not be devastated to have a baby with Down's. I have known quite a few families with children who have DS, either bio or adoptive, and they are the sweestest.people.on.earth.







: Yes, it's a condition that requires lifelong care and certainly has it's own worries and troubles.

Since I don't believe you can "wish" things into existence, and what comes will come regardless, I don't believe you are somehow "wishing" a life of misery on a child. You are longing for what you know could have been a beautiful, perhaps extra special relationship with a child you lost. Not at all unhealthy.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I don't believe people with Downs have a life of misery







Not at all! If there's something we can learn from someone with Downs, it is how to be happy!

ALSO - and this is wonderful - people with Downs can get married, have a job, and _even have babies!!!_ There's a wonderful video of a natural birth in France in which the mother had Downs!









*HUGE hugs* XXX


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I don't think it's weird at all, actually.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Quote:

ALSO - and this is wonderful - people with Downs can get married, have a job, and even have babies!!! There's a wonderful video of a natural birth in France in which the mother had Downs!








: That is so cool (assuming she had supportive family!)

That probably would be my greatest concern for a child with DS--their missing out on marriage and parenthood.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Thank you for your responses, ladies. I must say I'm proud to be his momma. Knowing him has brought me so much joy and has changed me so much. It's hurts he's not here with me, but I'm happy to have known him and spent those precious weeks with him.







:


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)




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## homeschoolingmama (Jun 15, 2007)

Not strange at all hun!
We will be adopting a child with DS in the future. There are many people that adopt children with DS.
I frequent downsyn.com. That is a website dedicated to people who have people with Down Syndrome in their lives. There is even an adoption forum in there. Reese's Rainbow is an organization for adopting children with DS.
So no hun, not strange at all!


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *homeschoolingmama* 
Not strange at all hun!
We will be adopting a child with DS in the future. There are many people that adopt children with DS.
I frequent downsyn.com. That is a website dedicated to people who have people with Down Syndrome in their lives. There is even an adoption forum in there. Reese's Rainbow is an organization for adopting children with DS.
So no hun, not strange at all!









We've actually considered adopting a child with Ds from Reese's Rainbow. A friend of mine is in the process of adopting her son from there. She also has a son that has Ds. I'll have to visit that website! Thanks!


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