# 4mo Old Doesn't Love Carrier



## katieraenall (Nov 21, 2013)

Hello! This is my first post. I am a first time mom and I've just started trying to wear my 4mo old in an Ergo Active. She will tolerate it for about 10min but then wants out! Instead of keeping her legs in the frog-like position (knees above bum) she wants to stretch her legs out and stand. Any advice? I love the idea of wearing my baby whenever possible (aspiring towards attachment parenting). Thanks in advance!


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## Vivien57 (Feb 20, 2010)

My ergo didn't work well for me until about 5 or 6 months. Then it was used for hours every day. Your dd might just need a little more time.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

I never used an Ergo, but my daughter was in a hip harness from <1 week of age so we never used the froggied-legs position and went straight to the position for older babies with the legs hanging out the side. If your daughter can hold her torso up well she can probably be in this position instead. I don't think that babies necessarily like being scrunched up so much as they get bigger.


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## davidliamsmom (Nov 20, 2013)

I have been told by babywearing educators that structured carriers (ethos mei-tais) should be used once LO can sit up by self. It may be that your LO doesn't feel as supported and that is why the straightening etc.  good luck


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

Maybe an infant insert would help. I would agree the babe probably needs to be close or at least close-ish to sitting. The only reason we were able to wear our kiddo in the Mei Tai in that position at that age was because the hip harness kept her torso much more rigid than she would have been otherwise.


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## kat216 (Mar 7, 2008)

To echo what other posters have said, my babe didn't like the soft structured carrier (we have a Boba) or mei tai until 5 or 6 months. Have you tried a ring sling? That was our go-to for a long time (and still often is).


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## sassyfirechick (Jan 21, 2012)

At 4 mos my DD was not having the legs in and we switched from a moby to ring sling and she was a much happier baby. She didn't sit unassisted til almost 7mos (was pretty wobbly at 6mos) and things progressed quickly after that, BUT, she never liked being cradled when held out of a sling - she preferred to hang onto my hands and stand on my lap and I think because of that she just never got the hang of sitting until she was older. I knew it was time to go legs out when she began to stretch and stand while wrapped up in the moby!


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## katieraenall (Nov 21, 2013)

Thanks for all of the advice! I think we'll try a ring sling and revisit the ergo later!


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

I agree to wait. We've been using an ergo for weeks now (legs out) with my almost 4 month old but she's a huge, strong kid. Her torso is rigid but she tilts forwards at the hip, so not sitting yet but she's not slumpy. She's been worn in a ring sling since she was 6 days old and for many weeks now in a woven wrap. If you can swing one (some can be found for under $100 but still very high quality), I'd try a wrap. It's amazingly versatile and super supportive.


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## preemieprincess (Oct 21, 2011)

We were advised against carriers of any sort for our daughter for a short period of time after her birth. She was a preemie, and the worry was that the compression from the carrier could have suffocated her in her first few weeks. Don't know if there's any truth to that, but I was so overwhelmed with the craziness that is parenting a preemie, I barely left the house with her until she was about 10-12 weeks, so wearing her was hardly a concern.

Fast forward to when I began to wear her. She hated every second in the Mei Tai, screaming like it hurt her. I walk A LOT-- way more than the average American. I probably walk more in a week than the average American walks in a year.

I bought into all the attachment parenting ideology. Then *I injured my back because I was wearing her.* Because I bought into all the guilt-inducing AP stuff out there, I injured my back, and ended up gaining 60 pounds after my daughter was born because it hurt to walk anywhere. Of course, the weight gain made the back problems worse. My back problems got so bad I'd even lose gross motor control randomly for a few hours at a time. I'm now left with a plethora of back problems and medical bills, all because I bought into the idea that putting an infant in a stroller is akin to child abuse.

I'm all for attachment parenting, but you *can* be AP without holding/wearing baby 24/7. (I even used a baby bouncer! and at 6 months, we broke down and put her in a crib next to our bed!) I walk so much I'm on jogging stroller #2, and little one is now 3. She still loves riding in it on longer walks. She's always been Little Miss Independent. Like her mom, she likes to be left alone sometimes. She *never* cried in the stroller, always fussed in the carrier.

AP is a guideline. It's not a rule book. My only advice to you, is don't frustrate yourself with trying to follow AP philosophy to a "T"-- *LOVE* is the most important thing you can give a child. If your little one hates being worn, use a stroller or a baby bouncer once in a while.

I'd love to see a thread about baby-wearing mamas who managed to wear their baby for 5+ miles of walking a day. I'm convinced it's not possible without risk of serious bodily injury.


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## katieraenall (Nov 21, 2013)

Thank you for sharing preemieprincess! That's a wonderful perspective. I too don't plan to follow AP to the T.I am a single mom who works part-time so its virtually impossible for me to do so.


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## farmer (Mar 11, 2008)

Um, just read through this thread. I have five kids, and when my first few were little, I easily walked 5-10 miles a day (1-2 5 mile walks) while wearing the youngest and pushing the other 1-2 kids in our jogging stroller. My four big kids are all teens/adult now, and I have a "bonus baby" who is 7 months. I walk and run with him daily (in a Kanga wrap if walking, jogging stroller when running), and I bring him to work with me. I work part-time cleaning houses, and doing garden work. He's either on my back in the Kanga, or nursing in my Maya Wrap. I'm so sorry that you had that experience with your back. I'm glad that you're back to walking and that your DD is happy in the stroller! 

Also, I didn't get the impression that the OP was trying to follow guidelines for AP, she was simply asking for advice about how to carry her baby. For the record, I had an Ergo and got rid of it. I found it to not be supportive enough--my son likes to arch and lean back. He also HATES to be wrapped. But, he's happy in the Kanga or the Maya Wrap. I think it is worth trying a few different carriers. Some babies like the way certain ones feel. I think DS didn't like the Ergo because he sat so low in it. With the Kanga, he can look over my shoulder. OP, is there a babywearing group in your neck of the woods? It would be neat to get in touch with them and see what they have for carriers in their lending library! 

Good luck!


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## cynthiamoon (Nov 29, 2009)

This is the first time I've seen so many people saying a baby is too young for babywearing. Most moms I know online and offline started babywearing ASAP, usually around 1mo pp, but experienced moms do it from birth.

You just need the right carry. At 4mo, I would definitely go with legs out rather than froggy. My DD grew out of froggy at 2.5 mo.

And while you do need to take care with your body and over-straining yourself, babywearing can be loads of fun. Can you try other carriers? My faves are mei tai and ring slings.


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## cynthiamoon (Nov 29, 2009)

@preemieprincess, I am so sorry for your experience. Just out of curiosity, where is it said (or who has said ) that strollers are nearly abusive ?

I ask because I just bought that big honking Dr.Sears book, and I'll be disappointed if it's that extreme.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't think this thread is saying that any babies are too young for babywearing, just that they may be too young for certain carries.

I read the Dr Sears book and felt guilty about every time I put my daughter down. Even though she seemed to like it better sometimes. I distrust anything that claims that babies always like X or never like Y (assuming, of course, that Y isn't something wholly inappropriate). Not all babies are the same. Sometimes my girl WANTED to be in the bouncy chair rather than anywhere else.


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## revolting (Sep 10, 2010)

1) Are you moving? I'd start using a baby carrier for going on a walk outside initially. Even when I'm home with the baby doing something sedentary (like now), I tend to sit on a ball and bounce or do sway with the baby.

2) If the baby is happy and then suddenly unhappy in the carrier, I would see that as a sign my kid has to pee..., especially if it's coupled with try to pull away from me

3) Do you know how to nurse in your carrier?

4) I've always had babies who were huge and strong, so at 4 months I always had my baby in more of a sitting position then a froggy position at that age.

5) Your baby might also like a high back carry to look around...which is definitely doable in a mei tai

HTH


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## preemieprincess (Oct 21, 2011)

@cynthiamoon-- Nobody here on mothering, but I heard it from some hardcore AP moms IRL. Granted, these were the same handful of moms who were being bullies about my daughter's gross motor delay, and acting as if it were contagious. (This happened at church of all places). Not the biggest fan of Dr. Sears myself, but I agree with many of the ideas behind AP.


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## cynthiamoon (Nov 29, 2009)

Same here. I think the idea of forming solid attachments is key to good parenting&#8230; but I don't think those attachments are as fragile as some make it seem.


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## anilorak13ska (Mar 4, 2014)

Thought I'd bump this instead of starting a new thread. My three month old doesn't seem to like any carrier. We have a Moby, a Bjorn, and a pocket carrier that's like a Mei Tei but all enclosed around the baby. She usually tolerates being carried when we go for a walk, but not around the house, which is where I was hoping to use a carrier the most. If she'd let me, I could do laundry, dishes, pick stuff up around the house, all while wearing her, but she doesn't tend to like them. Sometimes she enjoys being in her swing, even laying in her playpen and playing with her giraffe, but other times I really wish she'd be happy with me "holding her" via a carrier so that other things could also get done.

Maybe there's a hold I can use in the Moby other than the hug/newborn holds that she might like?

Also, I know I read that wearing baby facing out and away from you isn't advisable, though I wonder if that might be just what she would enjoy. I haven't tried it yet, but I will.

Thoughts? I'm not investing in yet another carrier.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

The Moby and the pseudo-Mei Tai both sound like you are using them in holds that are more for really little babies--all scrunched up/curled up against you? I wonder if your girl is ready for a more upright hold. I haven't used the Moby personally, but most who have say it's only good for the first few months and after that baby gets too heavy for it to really be comfortable. You could look into different holds that are used with a wrap carrier, and you might be able to do some of them with a Moby... but honestly, I would sell the Moby (and maybe the other two as well) and buy a soft structured carrier of some sort to see you into the older baby and toddler years. I know you said you don't want to invest in a new carrier and I get that, but if the carriers that you have aren't working for you, what's the alternative?


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

I've worn both my girls from birth and did a fourth trimester with both. I have no idea what distances I walked every day but both were in the carrier anytime I wasn't changing them, sitting down to feed them or in bed with them. I'm not saying it's for everyone but it is possible for some people without bodily injury.

Neither of mine liked their legs in. There is no issue with wearing a healthy newborn legs out as long as they are supported to the knee, knees higher than hips and enough back support that they don't slump. All of those things help mum's back and shoulders as well.

The base of the ergo was way too wide for us and I found the shoulder straps bulky and uncomfortable. I love the Beco Gemini which has an adjustable base. I used it with DD2 from day four.

I personally don't like outward facing because I can't get them close enough to my body to not drag on my shoulders. Overstimulation also concerns me but if you are aware of it and ready to turn your baby if they show signs of distress it's less of an issue I think. I do think some people (not on this thread, IRL mainly) project their own feelings onto the babies a bit. I am part of a large babywearing group and most of the babies are perfectly happy turning their heads to look around. It's what they're used to KWIM. Or their mums do a high back carry instead. So I wouldn't worry too much about forward-facing at this stage. Get both of you comfortable chest-to-chest first and see what happens.


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## lilmamita (Mar 31, 2013)

My son wasn't too fond of being worn early on. He'd tolerate it on occasion, usually when he was about to fall asleep anyways. And I could only ever wear him in a front cross carry with a wrap. He's 6 months old now and is starting to like it more. And by that I mean, tolerate it for slightly longer times. I think being worn just isn't for every kid, or there are kids that only like to be worn some. I also think that some of them grow into it. So keep trying, whenever you feel up to it with different carriers and in different positions. That's what I've been doing and continue to do.


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## EineMutti (Oct 22, 2013)

My baby only likes being worn when I am really active, like walking or doing housework. As soon as I sit, he wants out and flail his arms and legs and be held and talked to. He is three months and he talks a lot, lol. Just don't understand any of it yet.


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## mermaidhair (Aug 6, 2013)

When my babe stopped liking the newborn hug hold with the froggie legs, I modified it to let his legs hang out...he was also trying to stand at 2 months in the carrier. I use a wrap like a moby.His legs are now dangling out and he is sleeping peacefully on my chest. I think it is about just finding the right carrier and position.


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## greenkri (Jun 10, 2013)

I'd do a legs out hold with the moby. Also, are any of your carriers (not the Moby) safe for backcarries? That would be similar to forward facing for the baby.


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## anilorak13ska (Mar 4, 2014)

I've pretty much totally switched to the Bjorn carrier. I carry DD, who's now 5mo, facing me, and though she hated it all at first, I think it was just the awkwardness with which we were trying to put her in. Now we're smoother with that, and this is the quickest carrier that works great for moving her from home to stroller to car seat, as needed. Adjusting it bw me and DH is a cinch as well. As much as I loved the idea of the Moby, past the newborn kangaroo care, I just couldn't make a good enough case for it. Besides that, the weather is getting hot and sticky now here, so wrapping myself in a bunch of material - also not my idea of a walk in the park!

I will keep my eye out for a back carrier, though, because I think I'll want to continue to wear DD as she gets heavier, but I want the best back support for myself.


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## anyalily (Oct 23, 2008)

The Bjorn worked well for a minute but then killed our backs. I just saw a cool fix for the dangling legs issue with the Bjorn. Just tie a sarong up under their knees and around your back. That probably would have made it better for me and her...


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## rainbownurse (Dec 19, 2012)

My guy hated being worn around the house. He wanted to be free to explore. I just put him down on the floor with his activity mat and then did the dishes/swept/etc.


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## EVEP (Jan 24, 2013)

lilmamita said:


> My son wasn't too fond of being worn early on. He'd tolerate it on occasion, usually when he was about to fall asleep anyways. And I could only ever wear him in a front cross carry with a wrap. He's 6 months old now and is starting to like it more. And by that I mean, tolerate it for slightly longer times. I think being worn just isn't for every kid, or there are kids that only like to be worn some. I also think that some of them grow into it. So keep trying, whenever you feel up to it with different carriers and in different positions. That's what I've been doing and continue to do.


This is my son. He is 4 months and doesn't care to be worn. At 2m he was trying to stand up in the Ergo. I tried a wrap, a ring sling...he just wasn't feeling it. I still try it though, hoping he'll get into it more. I think he'll like the back carry soon but it's too early and "scary" for me to try it yet!


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## precisousjulez (Jun 3, 2014)

I have the same issue with my daughter who is now 4 months , ive tried the carry her in both positions and she not having it either way, i also hope that as she gets older she will adjust to it but i believe you may be right some babies may just not like it all at any age. If anything changes or you have answers to this i would love to hear back in regards .... thanks in advance!!


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