# My young baby physically fights sleep....what to do?



## ChristusG (Jul 23, 2004)

I have an 8 month old DD. Ever since she was about 4 months old we've been dealing with this whole sleep issue. But lately it has gotten much work. The kid hates to go to sleep. I mean HATES it with a passion. I dread night time anymore. She literally fights sleep.....kicking, crying, arching her back, squirming....anything so that I will stop rocking her or patting her or bouncing her to try to get her to go to sleep. Last night we spent 2 hours trying to get her to go to sleep. I dont believe in CIO....and she obviously will not just go to sleep if I lay her down, so the whole time was spent with me holding a fighting baby. Occasionally I would put her down to crawl around and then try to put her to bed again 15 minutes later.

The other night she literally cried her self to sleep. But she was in my arms. By this time it was like 11:15 at night....waaaaaay past the time we originally tried to put her to sleep. And I was rocking her and she cried and cried and cried.....until finally she exhausted herself. During this time I tried every comforting measure I could try. Is this considered CIO? Because I felt awfully bad after she fell asleep because she cried so much.

I just really do not know what to do. DH tries to put her to bed sometimes, but she cries even more when he tries to do it. Does anyone else have a fighting, kicking, screaming, arching sleep fighter? What did you do? And we wont even go into naps, lol....that's a whole different story!


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

With a baby that young, it's probably more an issue of her just not being ready to go to sleep when you want her to. Some babies just don't need as much sleep as those "experts" say they do. She isn't willfully doing it to spite you, no matter how it makes you feel. She probably just isn't tired. If you leave her alone, will she play? If that's the case, I'd let her play and go to bed when she's good and ready to go to bed. With my kids, *I'm* usually the one to make things into a battle. If they aren't sleepy, nothing I do will make them go to bed any earlier. And if I try to force the issue, then it becomes a big battle, everyone gets upset, and they still don't go to bed until they would have anyway, with or without all the tears.


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## lnitti (Jun 14, 2004)

I have had the same issue with my babe. I can tell you that I never tried to put her to bed when she wasn't tired. She will kick, scream, cry, punch. She hits herself to stay away head butts me, shakes her head.

Last night she even started banging her head on the matress when laying on her tummy.

Based on alot of the posts I see here, it seems like it is a common issue with babies this age. I'm hoping she will grow out of it.

DD is 9 months, but has been doing this for months. She has been getting better, so at least now it's not everynight.

I think there is so much for them to learn and explore and they love the time with us that they just don't want to give it up for sleep. But I really don't know why they do this.

Good luck!


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## lauraess (Mar 8, 2002)

wow, this sounds rough! What i am wondering is if you could get to a whole foods store/ health food store and look in the kids supplement section, there are several "calming" mixtures-- I've seen different tinctures or tiny pills that dissolve in water or mouth--- and not 100% sure if there is anything for an 8 month old but "hylands" who make teething tablets and some others are for babies---- yesterday i saw a slew of different products. You might want to look into that. These all are homeopathic and/or natural/herbal and very safe.
Along with other soothing, winding down measure such as baths and routine (very important) and environment control ( less stimuli during day, little electronic noises and images, low lighting, maybe soothing music) I would say theres not much more to do than ride it out. I know some babies actually have been known to sooth themselves in "unusual" ways such as banging and so this is not out of the norm. It seems that your babies are challenged in this area for whatever reason. All children/people have their idiosyncrasies and it just happens that sleep issues are tough







and not helped by the constant worry our society has over *getting baby to sleep*
I wish i could help more but only other thing i can advise is to co-sleep and get help in anyway you can if you are sleep deprived. I used to take the young one (now almost 7) out for a drive all the time and then once asleep i would park and get a nap in the car! THIS WILL PASS








~l


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

I personally wouldn't resort to drugging my kids to sleep, even with homeopathic or natural remedies. But it is definitely worth looking into the possibility of allergies or something else causing some of the problem! There is something going on here that underlies the problem, I would think.


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## ChristusG (Jul 23, 2004)

Oh, I just wanted to add that we do co-sleep....so she sleeps all night snuggled in my arms. And I dont try to put her to bed when she's not tired. If I see that she's wide awake, I just let her play or play with her.

See, she does this thing...she'll be soooo tired, so I'll try to put her to bed by rocking, bouncing, etc....her eyes will get droopy and she'll start to zone out. However, right about this point she will realize that she's actually falling asleep, which for some reason is a bad thing to her. And she'll arch her back and start fighting and kicking. She knows she's falling asleep and she'll do everything in her power to fight it.


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## ChasingPeace (Oct 19, 2003)

mama. The past few days my 11 month old ds has been behaving exactly as you describe. He'll be so exhausted, but he'll throw himself on the floor, hit himself, hit or bite me--anything to stay awake. And he used to be such a good sleeper that I've even posted here worried because he was going to sleep so early. I'm starting to suspect that he's nearing a milestone, and he is just compelled to continue working on trying to talk and walk. I have no suggestions on how to deal with it, but I hope some other mamas do.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

My nine-month-old does this too. She used to be quite happy to go to bed, and she still is about 50% of the time. But especially for naps now, she bounces, hits, and shouts to keep herself awake. Exactly like you described yours, she does the "I'm so tired" thing, nurses until she starts to zone out, and then wakes herself up cranky. I sometimes let her play longer since she so clearly does not want to sleep, but she's very very cranky no matter what I do. She also, however, has been making a lot of physical leaps lately that started around the same time as the sleep issues--teething, crawling, clapping, standing with support. I've also woken up to find that she's rolled over in her sleep and is crawling around our bed. So I presume that it's because her brain is making big connections and that those are keeping her awake or from sleeping well. For naps, walking her in the sling (I have a long wrap style where she can sit on my hip and see stuff and when she falls asleep she can lean on my shoulder) or in the stroller is what's been working better for us than nursing to sleep. It also seems to help if she sees me getting ready for bed and I make the bedroom quiet and dark and pretend (or actually) fall asleep myself. I think they'll calm down when they're through some of the rapid physical change, personally.


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## lauraess (Mar 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stafl*
I personally wouldn't resort to drugging my kids to sleep, even with homeopathic or natural remedies. But it is definitely worth looking into the possibility of allergies or something else causing some of the problem! There is something going on here that underlies the problem, I would think.

gOSH, NO, I didnt mean PUTTING them to sleep by the use of herbals, just helping them by calming enough. The reason i thought it was pertinnent to mention that there is a vast array ( did i mention that??) at my whole food s store is that sleep problems and sleep disorders are very common in young children for many reasons and There is a need these days to help and the need is being acknowledged. Im not in ANY WaY saying that the babes we are talking about in this post are suffering from a disorder, no.
Along with the other considerations i already mentioned it sure is wise to look at the diet, definately.
I do not think it is harmful to a baby or child to encourage calmness through herbal supplements or remedies. Hylands has been carrying their calming remedy for years and herbals were used daily centuries ago. When a mom and dad are sleep deprived one needs all the help they can get. Doesnt mean they have to use all measures , but to know their are options is key.
Laura


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

My son is doing this too, and some say "maybe he doesn't need as much sleep," which I completely disagree with. I think many of the behaviour problems we see nowadays are due to lack of enough sleep. Small children cannot be relied on to take enough sleep. Some need real help to get there. My ds is a case in point. He is a very active baby and needs a lot of help to calm down enough to surrender to sleep. I think he actually dislikes the sensation of falling asleep and fights it with all he has. As they become more aware of themselves and controlling their environment sleep resistance just seems to be part of the process for some babies.

It's true a baby who's not tired won't go to sleep, but it is not true that babies who won't go to sleep are simply not tired. Some are chronically overtired and don't have good sleep habits. I also think that as you get into the second half of the first year, babies often need more of a routine to the day. If you are a very flexible household, and have enjoyed going anywhere/doing anything, baby in tow, this can be a real drag- we are like that and this is now the second time around for us- but it definitely helps. It can also take a good few weeks of real discipline on the parents' part to get there. I don't advocate CIO, but there is something to crying as a means of stress relief as explained by peds such as Brazelton and Spock (who do not advocate CIO contrary to what many say). Especially when young babies are approaching or enduring milestones, they may have a lot of tension to release and it has to come out one way or another. The routine part is the hardest, and also plenty of fresh air regardless of the weather, and if you are unwilling to let your baby cry, try really getting the baby to laugh hysterically through bouncing or peekaboo or tickling or however your baby likes to- this helps us a lot in terms of releasing that tension I was referring to.

It can be SO frustrating when a cranky baby refuses to sleep, even to nurse! Know that there are plenty of us right there with you!


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## crunchy_mama (Oct 11, 2004)

My lil' man is 5 mo old and already does this. He has been working on crawling for about a month or so and always wants to try to practice in bed for some reason. I agree with the pp, it is not that he doesn't need the sleep it is just that he needs a lot of help calming down. He gets so stimulated and this seems to just be getting worse. I do let him try to crawl, try to nurse/rock etc when he gets fussy again, we go through the same thing over and over and then all of a sudden he will calm down. I think it is my responsibility as the mom to do whatever I have to do to make sure he gets the sleep he needs, as he can not do it on his own at this point- w/o cio, which isn't an option. However, knowing this is what I need to do doesn't make it any easier. I have found my kozy carrier really fabulous at helping him calm down, he needs to be very snug and moving, with the kozy he is facing in so he isn't distracted like he is in the sling. good luck momma, if you come up with anything I would sure like to know!
amanda


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## mittendrin (Nov 5, 2003)

i agree with laura: we help them with irritability when they are teething, why not help them when they can't wind down? chamomilla is one of the first remedies i'd try. a bedtime routine involving massage, chamomille tea, dim lights and then swaddle. my 7 mo old wasn't quite as bad, although he'd start hitting, kicking and squirming whenever his eyes fell shut. now i swaddle him, which he initially didn't like but after a week or so he didn't mind anymore.
you can't force a baby to go to sleep, unless you really dope them up beyond belief. but there's nothing wrong with helping them getting rid off the day's stress and excitement.


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## mamalex (Mar 2, 2004)

He's 9.5 mths, and this all started about a week ago. Normally, I just hold him to go to sleep and he yawns and cuddles up and falls asleep. Sometimes he cries a tiny bit to let off some steam, and we're okay with that. Usually, though, he doesn't cry. So now, he arches his back, screams, pulls my hair one by one, which makes ME want to cry and scream. I try to nurse him, and that doesn't work either. We struggle and struggle and struggle and then papa comes in and holds him and within 3-5 minutes, he's asleep...every single time!!! He is struggling with learning to crawl, so it could be the whole milestone thing, but why does he not fight with dh?


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## Galatea (Jun 28, 2004)

Ds is 10 months now and is mostly over this - so there is hope! A few nights when he was in that phase what I did was nurse him and very lightly lay my leg over his legs and my arm across his chest and the light pressure seemed to help him stop flailing, and he'd fall asleep right away. I was not restraining him, per se, as I was supporting most of my weight with my hands and feet. Just a little weight to help him not flail.


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## ChristusG (Jul 23, 2004)

Well, tonight my DD started exhibiting signs of tiredness around 7pm. Usually we do not put her to bed till 8 or 8:30, but I thought that while she is showing signs of tiredness that I may as well jump on it. So I quickly changed her into a night time diaper, put on her PJ's, and got ready to nurse her in our dimly lit living room. For some reason she will not fall asleep while nursing any more....up until two weeks ago nursing her to sleep at night always worked. So after she nursed I began to rock her. She fought some, cried some....but only for about 3 or 4 minutes (compared to like an hour the past few nights). Then she went to sleep. SHE ACTUALLY WENT TO SLEEP!!!! It is now nearly 9:30 and she's still asleep. Maybe it worked!!!

Here's what I figure....she hates naps. She always has. And so when evening rolls around she is sooooo tired from not napping. If we wait until 8 to put her to bed, she is already past tired. And even when I get past tired I get wide awake again. So that must be what happens with her.

I'm going to have to start watching her evening cues very carefully.....with her they are very easy to miss. She's a ball of energy and always everywhere so I'll have to watch very closely. Tonight all I saw was her rubbing her eyes one time. And starting to get a tiny bit fussy. So I jumped on it, lol!!

Cross your fingers ladies....maybe I have run across something, lol!! When I put her to bed between 8 and 8:30 she usually sleeps until 7:30 or 8. But even if she awakes at 6 o'clock in the morning with going to bed a little earlier, I will be fine with that. I get up then anyways. I hope this works!!


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## KellyK. (Dec 26, 2004)

Congratulations ChristusG! Looks like you hit upon your answer.









DS is also a cranky sleeper. Sometimes when he just will not go to sleep, after @1hr of slinging etc. when I am ready to pull out my hair, DH and I just pop him in the car seat and go for a ride. It still puts him out every time and keeps me from getting stressed out, lets him get some rest. ( he also does the eye rub when he is sleepy, also the ear pull)


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## lauraess (Mar 8, 2002)

Yay for you! I hope the other mamas of this type and situation read that. I think it's easy to get into a later time-frame accidently and miss those little signs ... then they're over-tired and .. well, you know the rest. sometimes coming here and talking about it and looking just a bit differently at the picture gives us a slightly fresher perspective or something!








.... okay.. ssssssshhhhhh...........
~L


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## ChristusG (Jul 23, 2004)

Update! Well, last night when I put her to bed at 7pm, she ended up sleeping till 7am....YEAH!!! So I tried it again tonight...once 7 rolled around she began rubbing her eyes. I changed her, put on her PJ's, nursed her while rocking and singing to her.....zero fighting!! No screaming, no kicking, no arching her back!!! She peacefully slipped into dream land!! I think we are on to something here!! Thanks for all of your help ladies!!!


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## ms. pacman (May 4, 2004)

I'm so glad it's getting better for you! I was actually going to suggest that you start getting her ready for bed earlier, because that's really helped with my almost 7 mo old. It's made all the difference actually! I didn't understand why it was such a battle, but now I start giving her a bath, sometimes as early as 6pm, usually she's asleep by 7. So at least that one issue is solved for now! I think the bath helps calm her, and then she's ready to drop off, instead of getting too overtired like she was before. Now I just need to figure out the tossing and turning and then we'll be on our way!









Last night, we were out and didn't get to bed until almost 10. She flailed and kicked and arched until finally going to sleep, and now we're up since 5:57 so.......


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## kerc (May 9, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristusG*
See, she does this thing...she'll be soooo tired, so I'll try to put her to bed by rocking, bouncing, etc....her eyes will get droopy and she'll start to zone out. However, right about this point she will realize that she's actually falling asleep, which for some reason is a bad thing to her. And she'll arch her back and start fighting and kicking. She knows she's falling asleep and she'll do everything in her power to fight it.











that describes my dh and my dd. it is a tough thing to deal with -- I don't have much to say except see if you can find something that's comforting enough that she'll eventually "let go". for us currently it is either reading a book over and over and over and over....or laying on mom or dad's chest and us telling her a story that always begins "once upon a time there was a girl named erin....."


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## rosey3223 (May 18, 2006)

I've read the issues here and it seems that most of the mothers have 6 month olds or older and are breast feeding. Well, my issue is that in 8 days mine will be 4 months old and absolutely REFUSES to go to sleep! The majority of it happens during the night when everyone is asleep. He is the happiest baby during the day and then POOF, midnight comes around and he's like the angriest baby you've ever known. It's like night and day--literally. And just to let you know, I bottle feed.

When he was six weeks old I was in the hospital for a week, and all he knew was "mommy", he gave his Papa and Granny a hard time for it. When I got home, he wasn't the same. He was on a 4 hour schedule before, but after I came home, he would stay up longer and sleep less. Now not only do I get the kicking, crying, and arching of the back, I get to hear these blood curtling screams as if I have just broke a finger, and all I'm tring to do is burp him. I have had many days where I have been up for 24+ hours because he refuses to go to sleep. I go through the "check the diaper, give him a bottle, hold him in a new position--maybe he's bored." I've done all that, and you can look at him when he is screaming his head off, and tell he is just plain tired. He will sleep for maybe 4-6 hours, be up for another 2 hours, sleep for another 4 hours, and then he's up. What a routine. And here I think, "O.k, got that down", but then within 2 hours he's back to screaming and is on the verge of passing out but he refuses to. I even keep him up longer--figure why not since he doesn't want to be asleep, so when it's time to actually go to sleep he sleeps for 5 MINUTES!!!! What's up with that? So for the next 12-18 hours, all I am hearing from this child is crying or screaming because he will be so tired and not go to sleep. In a regular day, in the 12-18 hours that he is up, he will have about 5-6 5 minute bouts of sleep.

It's just so frustrating to me because I have a six year old, and as a baby he fought his sleep too, but not this bad. When he went to sleep, he went to sleep, not just for a few minutes here and there. I know that this one is teething, but he won't take a pacifier--what to do about that. The other thing that is so frustrating is that I live with the father--my fiance--and "Granny" and it seems that they expect me to be "Super Mom" and I don't know how to do that. This child will not let me out of his sights for 5 minutes, so how can I do the dishes and clean the bathroom and do the laundry--all projects take both hands!!! We have a rocker/bouncer, a walker, and a swing, but he insists on being held and doesn't let me go anywhere without him. If I even try to play a game on the computer he gets mad and starts screaming. I've told my fiance that our son needs him more--they bonded really well when I was in the hospital, and he doesn't do it. In the times that our son won't go to sleep, I've woken my fiance up to help put him to sleep and he just yells at me and says "Well then you go back to work and I'll stay home", because according to him I'm interrupting his sleep. I sleep out in the living room so that our son doesn't wake him up. Granny closes her door now and even admits to waking up to him screaming, but doesn't come out to help me. I don't understand how someone can hear their son or grandson crying AND screaming so loud to wake them up and do nothing about it. Even when they are home, they expect me to "jump up and grab him" when he starts crying, they do nothing to help me and they know I'm not dealing with this very well. I've tried quiting smoking but turned back to it because this is too stressful for me. When I went back to smoking I attempted to talk to Granny about it and wound up breaking down and started crying. When I spoke to my fiance about it he said that she told him about it at work and said that I looked and sounded like I was about to have a nervous breakdown--how sweet. I've begged for help and I'm not getting any. It's so frustrating cause with my first son, I had no help at all, and now, I'm living with family--well, my fiance's anyway--and I'm still not getting any help. They can see how stressed out I am, but...nothing. I don't get it. Sorry, that was a vent.

I hope that someone who actually has the time to read this can give me some pointers, otherwise I'm going out of my mind. And if there are any responses, please send me a private message so that I know you read this. Thank you.


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## Lkg4dmcrc (Jan 6, 2006)

I am so glad you found your solution - I was also going to say an earlier bedtime and that more sleep would be better NOT less sleep just like the other Liz. I personally have found that when my son starts fighting sleep, it means he is over tired. We do an earlier bedtime and really work on naps and within a few days he is back to an easy sleeper.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

We had a phase like this at four months old. Nine days, and it seemed like forever.

I tried everything, but the only thing that worked was having her in the sling and walking outside. She still screamed, but she would go to sleep eventually.

I spent every second of that time wishing she would nurse to sleep again, which is why I'm still nursing my one year old to sleep - because I can still remember how awful that short time of crying was.


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## Nora'sMama (Apr 8, 2005)

We go through this periodically with my DD. It sucks. I've tried different things - one nap, two naps, earlier bedtime, later bedtime, bedtime routine, no bedtime routine, quiet time before bed, playtime before bed...honestly nothing seems to make a difference, she'll just fight sleep for a few days and then have a period of time where she goes down easily...and then just when we think we've licked it she fights sleep again.

My DD's sleep issues have been so varied that I can't really even say what she does or does not do...she changes it up all the time on us...but things are definitely lots better now at 12 mo than they were at 9 mo, and 9 mo was better in general than 6 mo, etc. So I just try to hang on for the ride and know that eventually she will sleep better! I hope!


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## geek_the_girl (Apr 12, 2006)

Excellent news Christy!


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## Lazyhead (Mar 27, 2006)

nak
4 and 5 months old is very rough. my dd has always fought sleep. she still does and she's 2.







:


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## mummy marja (Jan 19, 2005)

I have 2 dcs, both very sensitive and both were TERRIBLE sleepers. It wasn't that they weren't tired! They would both fight and cry and scream and arch their backs, and absolutely refused to nurse to sleep. They were absolutely exhausted, and we would do this for hours with my dd, we would start getting her to sleep around 9 (she had a late afternoon nap that she couldn't do without) and she wouldn't be asleep until 11:30. Ds eventually started to nurse to sleep, but would wake up the second I un-latched. It was brutal. We just somehow kept on going. Now they are now almost 4 and 21 mos, and they both go to sleep quietly and happily together (in the same room, separate beds) after story and cuddle time.

Rosey3223, I completely empathize with you. There was no magic solution for us, we just plugged away at it and eventually it got better. You need help though. I couldn't have done it without my Dh, I think I would have died. Dh was working more than full time and needed his sleep too, but he had to get up with me or take turns with me because it is way too hard for one person to do this alone. Somehow, you have to get them to understand that this isn't easy and parenting is definitely a 2-person job.


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