# Is the Arm's Reach Cosleeper really "cosleeping"?



## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

I borrowed a friend's Arm's Reach Mini. I attached it securely to our bed, put a sheepie skin in it, got out dd and ds' old baby blankets.... and I basically never use it.

I feel when my baby (newborn - 4 weeks old) is next to me in bed, I am a lot more aware of him. I also feed him a little more during the night - he typically goes 3-4 hours at night when beside me but upwards of 5 hours when in the Cosleeper. The couple of times I've tried the Cosleeper he has slept a lot longer and I can tell you I've woken up from a deep sleep without having been aware of him at all, even though I face him towards me and lie on my side facing him.







Am I doing something wrong? Or is the Cosleeper (and bassinets, etc.) not *meant* to replicate cosleeping anyway so I'm just expecting something they're not supposed to do? Ds will sleep in it happily if I put him there, I'm just worried b/c there seems to be such a difference. For that reason, I hardly use it at all b/c I'm worried it's not working.


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## nannymom (Jan 23, 2004)

I moved the crib in to our room and have not once been able to put dd in it. Not only would she not want to go i can't bear it.


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## Boobs (Apr 17, 2004)

We tried the co-sleeper last night for the first time. DS is 3 weeks old. I ended up bringing him back into the bed with me because I couldn't relax with him in there. I couldn't hear him breathing. It wasn't the same. I think we'll end up using it for daytime naps only.


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## ctdoula (Dec 26, 2002)

IMO the "cosleeper" IS cosleeping. Any arrangment where mom & baby have access to each others smells, sounds and are close at night is cosleeping IMO.

Why do you say it isn't working? If he sleeps happily in there & you're sleeping, what's the problem? I think the fact that you've woken from a deep sleep is saying a lot! You're RESTING. Your body needs to sleep. You need to be able to totally relax. For some people having the baby squished up against your body doesn't allow them to completely relax enough to sleep well. For me, when my dd was tiny, I never slept deeply unless she was in the cosleeper (all of 8" from me). It wasn't until she got bigger & sturdier that I was able to completely "sleep" well with her right next to me.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

First of all I'm totally new to cosleeping (couldn't with the twins at first - long story - then once we could they were 7 mos. old and sleeping through and I didn't want to mess with anything).

So I guess I'm not really sure what to expect. I think I figured that if I was in a deep sleep, as in seemingly unaware of my baby who's just 18" from my face, that meant we weren't "in tune" with each other. This morning after he nursed at 5am, I put him in the Cosleeper for the first time that night so that I could get up with dd and ds (3 years old) when they woke up around 7am, to get them downstairs, dressed, and make them some breakfast before the baby woke up. Then I lied there awake unable to fall back asleep kind of freaking out because I was worrying that I would never know if he stopped breathing if he wasn't right beside me.

OK... am I being ridiculous?


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I had a waterbed when Nitara was born so we had to do the cosleeper thing. It was not the same as when Abi was a baby and I had her right next to me, but at least she was close enough to reach out and pat her and touch her.


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## KariM (Mar 13, 2004)

We bought the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper thinking we'd use it with my DD. I had slept with my DS when he was an infant, toddler and preschooler and wanted the same experience with my DD.

IMO it's NOT the same at all.

First, there is a "lip" or edge between the baby and the bed. We couldn't touch skin and the baby couldn't snuggle up against me.

In fact, we used it for part of one night only and then when I saw my 2 week old infant trying to crawl up OVER the edge to get closer to me I realized just how much it wasn't going to meet our needs.

We used it to store water bottles and diapers after that.

These days we're all sleeping on two twin mattresses on the floor since I'm expecting DD to crawl soon and didn't want to worry about her on the "big bed."

--Kari


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## rgarlough (Jul 18, 2002)

We started with the mini-cosleeper too and ds slept in it the first night and never again. I just couldn't easily transition him from it to our bed to nurse and back again...







So there it sat like a bed rail...

Then ds got bigger and I snagged a regular sized cosleeper and I had an idea... I bought some 4" foam, let it gas off outside for a while







and covered it with a nice felted wool blanket and a flannel sheet. Now, Mason's cosleeper was the same height as our bed and he could easily roll back and forth. The cosleeper still had enough height around it so he couldn't easily roll out







I also felt better about the arrangement because I could rest on the cosleeper when needed.

Now the ds is able to crawl around in his sleep, I took the side rail off his crib and use that as a side car. I can count on one hand the number of times he moved himself into his crib to sleep, but I feel much more comfortable with this arrangement. I don't have to worry about Mason crawling out of bed and I can also roll onto the crib if I need a little more room.







Right now, we just don't have the space for a twin mattress next to our queen so this works great!

Mason does not sleep well (nor do I







) when he isn't RIGHT next to me but I do want him to eventually feel comfortable sleeping a bit farther away. And he does flop around some nights and I wonder if he would like more space... So for now, I'm not pushing the sidecar but hopefully he'll transition on his own, in his own time


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## Vicitoria (Dec 17, 2004)

You do what you gotta do. Using the co-sleeper is technichally co-sleeping but you don't get the same benefit.

My son slept there the night he was born and that was it. We tried to transition him back into it before we had to go to the crib. He really needed the touch to get to sleep though. He was in his crib for about 6 weeks. Now he's on a mattress on the floor. It's so much easier when he wakes up I can curl up with him and help him get back to sleep. A parents touch is so important to calming a little one. The sharing of energy.

I would never knock co-sleeper use. You do what you have to do.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

We put DD's crib, sans one side, against our bed. She was within reach and I could totally relax. When she did sleep snuggled up against me, I didn't sleep as well and woke up with stiff muscles all down my back.

I adjusted her mattress height as needed for her to to be able to reach me and me her, or to make her have to wake up enough to crawl up to me rather than rolling against me in our sleep. Worked for us.


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## Shell (Jul 12, 2003)

First of all, I think trying to create a "true definition" of co-sleeping isn't a positive use of our time. It creates a club-like atmosphere, where you are either a true-co-sleeping momma or a pseudo co-sleeping momma, when in fact every family has to do what is comfortable for them. In my short 17 week experience, I've come to realize that each week is completely different, and our strategy changes constantly!

DD slept on the chaise part of our sofa for her first 3 or 4 weeks, with me or my dh sleeping on the sofa part (so our bodies were in an L). It isn't what we planned to do, but somehow it just happened that way! It was great, actually. DD was "very oral" when she was born, and sucked on our fingers to fall asleep. When we moved her to the co-sleeper we couldn't get our hand in it without taking off the sideboard that is against the bed. We haven't put it back. The bumper serves as sort of a barrier, and we don't fear that she will try to crawl over it. Also, we find that we need to slide the cosleeper around a lot, to get her in and out of it.

For the past two or three weeks, dd has been spending most of the night in bed with us. She had a cold and would only nurse lying down with me, and we would both fall asleep. Sometimes we sleep great together, but other times it is awful. I think dd does not wake up as well rested when we are in bed together -- she is often fussy the next day. And, when she is in our bed, the sheet beneath her head becomes soaked in sweat! That doesn't happen in the cosleeper. I think the constant closeness of our bodies is just too hot for her.

Bottom line for us is that we do what feels right each night, sometimes in bed all night, part night, or not at all (nursing sitting in a chair in the middle of the night). Dd is not in a seperate room or ever more than an arms reach away... we are definitely co-sleeping.

My fear now is that the co-sleeper is getting to be too small! Another inch or so, and she won't fit in it. Then what? In my heart I want her to be in bed with us, but realistically, I think it may be too hot and sweaty for her, and I don't know that we will all get a good night's sleep. But I am not worried about what others will think of me for "true cosleeping." There is no shortage of love or attachment parenting in our house -- and we're just trying to do what feels right, and "making it up" as we go. I am convinced that dd will let us know what she needs.


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## osioke (Jun 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nannymom*
I moved the crib in to our room and have not once been able to put dd in it. Not only would she not want to go i can't bear it.

I'm a single dad and I have the same experience. I've wondered if there are other father's out there who feel the same. I put my son (he's 14months) in the crib which is in the room and he would not sleep, simply. What was more surprising to me, sort of, is that I really did not want him to sleep in a crib away from me. I feel like, and I reason that, if I do not invest all I can invest relationally with him now, I cannot expect him to do the same with me when he becomes a teenager. So, he sleeps in the same bed with me and wastes no time getting to sleep once I turn the lights off.

I've thought as far as when (if) I remarry, she is going to have to be comfortable, accepting, and wanting a cosleeping arrangement with my current and our future children. It's the best.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I have no idea if it's considered co-sleeping or not, sorry. I think people's sleep patterns vary greatly so keep that in mind when I say what I'm going to say&#8230;

The major advantage of co-sleeping for me is that DC and I are on a very similar sleep wave pattern. We have our light waves at the same time so I am not woken from a deep sleep. There have been studies about the advantage of this but, I'm sorry I don't have links. The basic idea though is that being woken from a deep sleep is more disrupting for you.

So, I'm saying that if it's not happening that you get on the same sleep wave pattern with the sidecar sleeper, maybe it won't have one of the main advantages of co-sleeping for you.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Okay, I wanted to say that I think a sidecar sleeper is an excellent option if that's what works best for someone. I also think a crib is a good option for some people.

Just wanted to say that.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
The major advantage of co-sleeping for me is that DC and I are on a very similar sleep wave pattern.

That's really interesting and a much better way of putting it than I tried to. I am worried we won't be "in synch" when ds is in the cosleeper I guess.

It's good to know others have used it and liked it. I guess we'll see how it works vs. having him in bed. We have settled into a routine where at his last feeding in the very early morning, I put him into the Cosleeper for the first time, so I can get up and get my 3 year-olds squared away downstairs before the baby wakes up.







We did this after a 4:30am feeding last night, and he didn't wake up until 8:00, which was plenty of time to get dd and ds breakfast, etc. and I even got a shower while dh ate with the kids.


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## MilkOnDemand (Jan 7, 2005)

I LOVED the cosleeper because it allowed me to put DOrothy in my room, next to me, and she could sleep there until she woke up to nurse. Once she woke, she nursed and fell back asleep, as did I, so she started the night in the cosleeper, and woke up with me. I liked the security of the sleeper right next to me, and we both slept well. When she started crawling, I dropped the cosleeper floor down still attached to my bed. She'd wake, I'd pick her up, she'd nurse, we'd go back to sleep....it was nice. The plan is to hook the cosleeper up for this baby too.


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## KateMary (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
The major advantage of co-sleeping for me is that DC and I are on a very similar sleep wave pattern. We have our light waves at the same time so I am not woken from a deep sleep. There have been studies about the advantage of this but, I'm sorry I don't have links. The basic idea though is that being woken from a deep sleep is more disrupting for you.

So, I'm saying that if it's not happening that you get on the same sleep wave pattern with the sidecar sleeper than maybe it won't have one of the main advantages of co-sleeping for you.

I agree with IdentityCrisisMama. It sounds like from the OP that you are concerned that you won't notice the baby has stopped breathing in the night if you are not right next to each other. The advantage of co-sleeping is that the baby's sleep patterns are in synch with the mothers and they don't fall into as deep a sleep as they would if they were alone, and are therefore less likely to stop breathing. The synched sleeping pattern definitly happened for me with dd in the cosleeper since we were just about a couple feet apart. I could tell because I would wake up and wonder if when she might want to nurse and about 2 minutes later she would wake up too. I got rid of the co-sleeper a couple weeks ago because she is too big to go back and forth to nurse so she is in bed with us all night. I liked having her all to myself when she was in the co-sleeper cause she was on my side of the bed. Now that she is in the middle DH and I fight over who gets to cuddle with her but that is another story...


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## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shell*
First of all, I think trying to create a "true definition" of co-sleeping isn't a positive use of our time. It creates a club-like atmosphere, where you are either a true-co-sleeping momma or a pseudo co-sleeping momma, when in fact every family has to do what is comfortable for them. .

That's right!

it's co-sleeping if the children are in the room with mom and or dad. It's family bed if they are in the bed with you. It's good if everyone is sleeping and feeling secure and getting their needs met.

I used the co-sleeper bassinet for seven months (my guy didn't outgrow it until then.) I always woke up about two second before he woke to nurse. I just knew he was going to wake up. Now that he's two and sleeping in the bed, I don't have that same sense. when you are nursing so much, your boobs wake you up! Or something. Anyway the only problem with the bassinet is that you can't then transfer the baby to a crib, they are most likely to move into your bed. Okay, that was just my experience. So plan to get a bigger bed! We did and now we are HAPPY!


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## sept04mama (Mar 3, 2004)

I personally enjoy using my mini co-sleeper. When he was really young, I was too afraid to sleep right next to him, and since I couldn't bf lying down until recently, it really was a good option. These days, I usually fall asleep nursing, so he doesn't make it back into the co-sleeper after the first feeding, but I like having it. Esp. for naps, travel (where we have a small bed) and such. I still wake up the same way when he's right next to me, under my arm, or in the co-sleeper. It's still really close. Plus, some of mypg friends, who were all of the babytrainer mindset before, are getting these "for the first little while" because they saw me using one. This is way better than them being in their own room. Maybe they'll convert to cosleeping, we'll see what happens!


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## bendmom (Sep 4, 2003)

I wanted one really bad with the second. I just got to used to sleeping without a child in bed. We used it in the living room for naps during the first couple of months, but I just couldn't get used to it at night. I mean, the baby is right there, but then you have to get up and get the baby up when he/she wants to eat or whatever. I guess I co-sleep out of laziness because I didn't like the added hassle.


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## Mothra (Jun 4, 2002)

If you don't like it, then don't use it! I was totally okay with having my middle child in the bed with us when he was an infant. Well, not totally okay, but it worked out fine. I needed more space when my daughter was a baby so we used the co-sleeper and I loved it. It was just what we needed. If you don't want to use it, don't, but I agree with the others who have said that coming up with a definition for "co-sleeping" isn't going to help you.


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## Hera (Feb 4, 2002)

I have one with my baby, didn't have one with my 5yo. Without getting into the "is it really cosleeping" question, I will give my review in case you find it helpful.

Dd1 was a very restless sleeper. Dh, Dd1, and I all slept in the same bed for a year, at which point Dh became fed up, stated "It's not co-sleeping if nobody's sleeping" and banished dd to her own bed. So, she and I slept in her room together. The kid moves constantly, waking or sleeping. It was rough.

So, with Dd2 we purchased a co-sleeper. Seemed like a fabulous plan. Nurse baby, sleep with baby, baby has own space so I can roll over in bed without waking her up. Perfect. Of course I would get the baby who sleeps like a rock! I wish I'd had this thing with Dd1! That being said, it isn't perfect. The lip is really annoying. I'd like to be able to cuddle up with dd and snooze, but be able to move into my own space. Having to pick her up and lift her over the bump is disruptive. I may try the foam idea, except that stuff is kind of offgassy and I'm not sure if I want her sleeping on it.

Most of the time she starts off in my bed while I stay up and MDC ( :LOL ) and then when we go to bed she gets nursed, moved over to her bed, Dh and I ... have some grown up time.... and next time she gets lonely she comes in bed with us.

I think it's worth it, overall, and they have a good ebay resale value...


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## darwinphish (Feb 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hera*
"It's not co-sleeping if nobody's sleeping"

I couldn't have put it better than your DH, Hera! My DD is 2mos. and is sleeping exclusively in her mini cosleeper. We got it a week ago and its a godsend, honestly. I was gungho for the family bed before DD was born but this little one seems intent on teachin' me some humility... so many of my "non-negotiable" parenting ideas have flown out the window, along with so much of the ego that made me think there was only one way.

Before getting the mini DD would only sleep in her carseat. Anyplace else she'd be a restless thrasher (yes, even while swaddled!) and would never sleep soundly for more than 15mins at a time when next to me. Often she'd wake up really upset. Then we discovered she'd sleep on daddy's chest which poor selfless DH did for over a week but ya really can't keep that up! We also got an Amby hammock thinking the motion would be good but she still screams the minute she's put in it! We'll be selling it anyday now...

We actually use the mini as a bassinet, and roll it from the bedroom to livingroom as needed. The canopy keeps the cats at bay so they don't need to be locked out of the bedroom, and DD loves the little mobile that comes with the canopy. Basically she's in a tiny crib next to us! The thing is, now she sleeps soundly and I wake up to her gurgling and kickkicking excitedly at her mobile, rather than waking to thrashing and whimpering.

The bottom line is, you gotta do what works best for your family. Sometimes what works best is not what you were planning on!


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## sadkitty (Jun 24, 2004)

Hey Peri,
I'm not having alot of luck with the co-sleeper either. DS (4 weeks) nurses all through the night for now anyway. I usually end up with him in the crook of my arm (his head often smells of armpit







.) But on the rare occasions when he's asleep and I put him in it, I lay awake or strain my wrist resting it on his chest to make sure he's still breathing. Its very silly, but I guess I'm paranoid. I would say it makes a good bedrail, or nightstand I do put my waterbottle and glasses there at night, but there is a gap beween it and my mattress, now matter how hard yank on the tether straps. I have it filled with rolled up receiving blankets.

It did come in handy as a day bed and changing table for the toddler I used to watch. Ah well, at least i only paid $30.00 for it (I







Craigslist.)


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## Hollycrand (Apr 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darwinphish*
The bottom line is, you gotta do what works best for your family. Sometimes what works best is not what you were planning on!


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## velcromom (Sep 23, 2003)

I think it just boils down to individual differences, both parent and baby, and how they mesh with one another to develop a unique family cosleeping style, if that makes sense. I found the arm's reach tremendously helpful after a c/s, and my sleep cycles synchronized with ds's just like I hoped. I woke a moment before him every time. I could sleep with my hand on him and hear him breathing. Now at 2 he is in his crib next to my bed and I can still listen to him breathing and stirring around. I've tried having him in bed with me but found I am very disturbed by his extremely active sleep style. He actually asks to get into his own bed, so I feel comfortable that he is sleeping the way he prefers. If he preferred staying in bed with me, I'd do that but we'd have to make some adjustments to gain more space for his spinning and kicking, lol!
Ds went through some very rough nights the first year and I'd actually get down on the floor and sleep with him there, and that's what worked for us during that time. I think when cosleeping is important to you, you adjust your method to make it work. I don't think creating a narrow definition of how it must be achieved is really helpful, I think that in general whenever mama and baby are withing touching and hearing distance, the connection remains regardless of _how_ they achieved that.


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