# Dealing with DS at the grocery store



## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

Okay, I really just need advice on whether I need to do something drastic to change his behavior or just try and avoid taking him to the grocery store if possible. He will not stay in a cart, he'll scream and try and get out of it the whole time. Let me preface, he's 22 months old. He will stay in those "car" carts for like 5 minutes then wants to get out and walk. I wouldn't care if he walked if he wouldn't stop every five minutes to pull things off the shelf, or just walk off. I occasionally let him push his own little cart, but they only have those at a grocery store I go to infrequently. Even then, he will still stop and run off or go in the other direction. Have I spoiled him by letting him not be in the cart? Do I have any hope of getting him to stay in the cart after letting him be out of it for this long?(about 2 months now) The only grocery store I can get anything done at is Tom Thumb, (they have little TV's in the cart) and that's a rare outing since it's very far from my house and expensive! What would you all suggest? My mom said.."what would he do if you just made him stay in the cart?" I told her he'd scream and try and get out the whole time. Not an option. we have another one on the way due in May and I'm hoping by the time he's 2 1/2 or 3, he'll be better behaved at the grocery store


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Can you shop at night while your partner watches him?


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## samstress (Feb 21, 2008)

sorry mama! you've pretty much tried everything i was going to suggest.

i don't think you've spoiled him by letting him out of the cart (i know i wouldn't be happy sitting in a cart for the amount of time it takes to shop for groceries).









would it help if you gave him something to do while he's in the cart or the "car" cart? like read a book or doodle on a mini magna doodle or perhaps have a snack (just something to occupy his hands and his attention).

you mention he likes to push his own little cart, but that only some stores have them. what about letting him help you push the big cart? dd enjoys this. just stands right in front of me and helps push.

hope you're able to find something that works.

some stores have tvs in the carts? wow!


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## Nicole730 (Feb 27, 2009)

This is what we had to do at that age. The whole way to the grocery store, let him know he was going to be in the cart at the grocery store. I would bring drinks and snacks for him. He would be carried from the store to the cart (or better yet) find a cart in the parking lot. This actually worked fairly well for us. If he got to walk at any point though, it was tough to get him in the cart.

If you do the above and he still screams, maybe try shopping anyway? Just calmly let him know that he had to stay in the cart until you were done shopping. Obviously you'd have to deal with other people in the store, but I know if I saw a mom staying calm while her kid freaked in the cart, I'd assume mom was doing her best.


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

During those phases, I grocery shopped at night while DH watched the kids. It really was easier on me, even though I was tired as hell. I also found out that Safeway delivered for $10, and that was TOTALLY WORTH IT when I lived in a place where that service was offered.

Some kids will sit in the cart and some won't. I don't think you did anything to make this happen.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I always just made my dd stay in the cart or in my arms. A snack to eat while shopping often helps a lot. I would also sing little songs, talk to dd, and swerve the cart to make it fun. I don't think it is too late to make staying in the cart the expectation and there are a lot of gentle ways you can do that. I suggest the cart that has the child facing you rather than the car cart because it is funner to be face to face for some kids. If that doesn't work a backpack carrier may be a great investment. He may enjoy seeing out and you walking around might put him to sleep. They go up to 45 pounds which many kids don't hit until 4 and they are really a nice thing to have.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Yeah, being in the cart until you are able to walk safely with me and not dart away or tear the place up is a non-negotiable for me, so I never took them out to begin with so there was no battle. I still have to plunk my 4yo in the cart sometimes when she's particularly "energetic", and it's one time I have zero problem using a flat-out bribe: "I need you to ride in the cart because you're not being safe; I know you don't like to - I'll get you a pretzel to make it easier for both of us." I'm not usually a briber, but I seriously have NO patience for chasing a kid around a store, and at lesat I'm being honest about it, right? eep.

When they were under 3, my plan was always: bring a snack/drink, a couple soft books, and toys attached to the cart on strings/clips so they couldn't launch them, and just get it done as efficiently as I could. Give them their own list and pen sometimes, or a magnadoodle. Ask them to find things and point them out to you. Sing songs and dance crazy to the musak playing on the store speakers (I have no shame). They'd ask if they could get down, and I'd say no, 500 times if necessary. We'd try every once in a while at a smaller store where I only was getting 1 or 2 things to see if they were ready to walk with me yet, and if they weren't the next time we went grocery shopping I'd remind them they had to be in the cart because they hadn't shown me they were ready to walk safely with me yet, and we could try next time we were at the other (non-grocery) store.

I think initially it's going to be rough making him stay in the cart and he'll likely be mad and loud about it, but if you lay out the new expectation, the reason why, and give him plenty to do while he's sitting there he'll eventually get used to it. I agree with trying to find a cart in the parkig lot if posssible so his feet never hit the floor of the store. You jsut have to decide to keep him in and not wind up taking him out if he's too loud, unless you're taking him out of the store completely (which I've also done, abandoning my cart and letting an employee know on my way out the door, carrying a screeching child - good times!).

It's as much about safety to me as it is time spent shopping; I probably count on one hand the times I've seen a kid under 3 walking safely in a store next to a cart, without darting, weaving, grabbing stuff, or almost knocking into people. It's what toddlers do and is developmentally normal, but as one of my favorite sayings goes, "developmentally normal does not necessarily equal socially appropriate"







; skittering around is fine when your'e at a playground or at home, but in a store where everyone is trying to get something done it's just not cool IMO.

It usually gets better around 3, 3-1/2 years old; at least it did for my son anyway, my daughter is a little more high strung than my son so she still has her "cart moments".







I actually think a fair amount of this has to do with temperament, really - DS was pretty easygoing about stuff like this, DD, not so much. So she was louder and more persistent trying to change it, it took her longer to get used to it.

Good luck!


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## twinergy (Mar 30, 2008)

We make short (almost) daily trips to different stores, that way it is just part of the routine. I time the outing to coordinate with lunch and let the kiddos eat while they are in the cart. You have also gotten lots of other great advice here about keeping things playful and holding LO if necessary. Good luck.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

When I saw the title of your thread I thought about my DD when she was 23 months old, lol. We just stopped taking her to stores and restaurants for awhile. By 3 we could restaurants again and I could take her shopping again at about 2.75 years old. We'd still try to shop and if she couldn't behave we'd leave immediately and I'd come back later alone. Sometimes we'd go shopping as a family and one person would shop and the other would walk around with her and 'browse'. She was just really high energy and intense at that age. One thing that helped was to let her bring a toy with her shopping and to have a snack to give her.

Oh, and we only put her in a cart when she wanted. She did like holding part of the cart like she was helping push it and riding in the car things on the front of carts. When shopping as a family she usually had to hold someone's hand but that parent would walk around the store with her so she could move around more and look at stuff.


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## CheekyLilMonkeys (Dec 11, 2008)

My DS2 was like this, and the just create an expectation thing just didn't work - he was a houdini, would get out of any buckle, stand up, wrap his arms around me and climb onto me. It just wasn't safe having him constantly trying to climb out. For a good while he'd stand in the main section of the cart with DS1, but DS1 now is definitely old enough to walk beside me so now DS2 wants to walk too. I just make sure I only go grocery shopping when I have plenty of time and can go at their pace and patiently keep redirecting and he is getting the hang of it.

Good luck!


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## foodymama (Feb 5, 2009)

I feel for you Mama! My DD is terribly independent and we have a hard time keeping her in the cart for more than 10 minutes at a time. Some things we have tried that others suggested as well are drinks, snacks, and fun and new things to play with. I have one specific tote that holds activities and snacks just for restaurants or shopping trips. DD is a night owl and goes to bed pretty late so we shop pretty late and that helps. The stores aren't as crowded and I don't have to worry as much about stares. If we do let her run it's also not as dangerous because there aren't that many people. I do agree that it goes much easier if she is put directly in a cart from the car and doesn't have a chance to walk.

Two things that work for us that I know I will get flamed for but are really special treats are first fast food and second riding in the basket. We don't do fast food as a rule but occasionally when I have a really big shopping trip and I need to hit a few different stores we will go to the first store and then go get a hamburger and french fries. If I see the kids meal has something in it DD will like, I let her eat her food and I pull out the toy or activity before she sees it and save it for the next store. That usually holds her interest in the store and I have a more content child because she has a full belly. If you are really opposed to fast food you can do your own version of that with food brought from home in a fun bag and a cheap dollar store toy and let him eat while your shopping from his very own bag! I also let DD ride in the basket sometimes. However, I am very cautious and my DD is not a climber. She much perfers to organize the groceries I put in there than try to climb out. I really think that is a personal decision based on knowing your child.


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## SpottedFoxx (Feb 8, 2010)

A very dear friend of mine had a great way to get the kids to behave at the grocery store. She had 5 kids and they were always amazing in public....

There are two parts - first few times you do this - intend to shop without buying any frozen goods (you'll understand why in a second).

Before you leave for the store, sit your child down and give him the rules...

1. You must stay in the cart. If you want to walk, you must ask nicely (no yelling) and you may walk but you must hold the cart at all times and not touch anything on the shelf.

2. If you stay in the cart/by the cart and follow the rules, you get $2.00 to spend on whatever you want in the supermarket. It can be a toy, a cereal he wants, candy, whatever (you have no say in what he buys - it's his money that he earned).

3. If you yell, run away or pull something off the shelf, we will leave the store and you will not get your $2.00 and we will not get our groceries.

Then go to the store. If he starts to act up. Leave the cart where it is (find an employee and let them know you have to leave but there is nothing perishable in the cart) and then leave.

My girlfriend only had to leave the store 1x with each of her children in order for this to sink in.

Then the fun begins when they get it - you see what kind of strange things your kid will buy. She told me one time her son decided he wanted the shrimp cocktail - the kind that comes together -sauce and shrimp in a jar.

As a side note - one of the other things she did that I loved was at the playground, she'd take a piece of chalk and draw lines on the ground to "block off" areas she didn't want the kids to go. She'd tell them that she'd know when they were ready to leave because one of them would cross the line. Until the line was crossed (or until a set time arrived), they could play as much as they wanted. Again, only 1x did a kid cross the line and it never happened again.


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## Kristin0105 (Mar 1, 2008)

Can you wear him in an ergo type carrier? If he likes pulling things off shelves can you have him help shop by asking him to find things on your list. Give him and list (I know he can't read it but it helps) and then give him a job can you find the red apples. You found them! okay, we need 4 apples and have him put them in the bag etc....


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## fuzzylogic (Nov 3, 2010)

Tell them they have to stay in the cart, screaming or not, buckle the seat belt, ignore the screaming, and shop. In about 3 trips they'll quit screaming, and in total shock that there is actually an adult in charge, they will behave.

I did the single mom thing. No-one to leave the kids with and we need food. They got over it. Is a carseat negotiable? Nope. Some behaviour doesn't need to be either....it is for their safety.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fuzzylogic* 
Tell them they have to stay in the cart, screaming or not, buckle the seat belt, ignore the screaming, and shop. In about 3 trips they'll quit screaming, and in total shock that there is actually an adult in charge, they will behave.

I did the single mom thing. No-one to leave the kids with and we need food. They got over it. Is a carseat negotiable? Nope. Some behaviour doesn't need to be either....it is for their safety.

This is a gentle discipline forum. Maybe you should read the stickies to get an idea about what exactly that means before you post. There's research indicating that just ignoring small children while they scream is bad for them on neurological and emotional levels. Here's a link http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/li...n_palmer2.html .


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ssh* 
*This is a gentle discipline forum. Maybe you should read the stickies to get an idea about what exactly that means before you post.* There's research indicating that just ignoring small children while they scream is bad for them on neurological and emotional levels. Here's a link http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/li...n_palmer2.html .

I think this is a little harsh. It is one thing to just ignore a child when they cry and another to ignore a tantrum. Everyone deals with tantrums differently even on the GD board. I think there are better ways to deal with a tantrum than ignoring them, but I don't think that it is necessarily not GD to ignore them.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

You can ignore the screaming without ignoring the child. Talk to them about what you're picking out, offer to let them hold something (unbreakable), etc.

Personally, I am very strict at the grocery store. It's something that we have to do often, with four children and it doesn't always work to wait for a time dh can watch them.

In our family, you sit in the cart until you're big enough to keep up with everyone walking and walk without complaining. If you're not riding in the cart, you have to hold onto your designated spot on the side of the cart unless you are getting something from the list.

I'm not the most fun mom to shop with, but having a system that the kids are used to makes the being gentle part easy. They know what's expected and they do it so that we can get the shopping done, go home and play.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
You can ignore the screaming without ignoring the child. Talk to them about what you're picking out, offer to let them hold something (unbreakable), etc.









:


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fuzzylogic* 
Tell them they have to stay in the cart, screaming or not, buckle the seat belt, ignore the screaming, and shop. In about 3 trips they'll quit screaming, and in total shock that there is actually an adult in charge, they will behave.

I did the single mom thing. No-one to leave the kids with and we need food. They got over it. Is a carseat negotiable? Nope. Some behaviour doesn't need to be either....it is for their safety.

I agree with this (and don't think it's 'anti' GD). Except for us it only took one trip. I had gotten into awful habits with DD (about the same ages as the OP's son) until one day I felt sick and really couldn't deal with her. I HAD to shop but I couldn't carry her or chase after her or anything. Too sick. So I put her in the cart and she screamed and tantrumed and freaked out. I was calm and reassuring and kept sitting her down again and again and again. She got over it and now is mostly fine when we shop. I do let her walk now a bit (she's 2) but into the cart she goes if she's not listening. Irrespective of the tantrum.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *D_McG* 
I agree with this (and don't think it's 'anti' GD). Except for us it only took one trip. I had gotten into awful habits with DD (about the same ages as the OP's son) until one day I felt sick and really couldn't deal with her. I HAD to shop but I couldn't carry her or chase after her or anything. Too sick. So I put her in the cart and she screamed and tantrumed and freaked out. I was calm and reassuring and kept sitting her down again and again and again. She got over it and now is mostly fine when we shop. I do let her walk now a bit (she's 2) but into the cart she goes if she's not listening. Irrespective of the tantrum.


Yes. Calm repetition is the key, and the calm part is the hardest part of it Being calm, kind, and empathetic, but unmoving in your position is TOUGH! With a strong willed, persistent child it can be exhausting and push you to the brink, because they take way longer to get to the point of futility (which is what tantrums are about). You can be calm, empathetic, and still enforce the boundary and as long as you're consistent, even if it takes 30 times, they will eventually get it.

I wish I could say that my strong willed, persistent DD "got it" after 1, 2, or 3 times of gently/firmly enforcing a boundary. She seems to get things more like after 15-20 times. We've left places/situations probably 8-10 times at this point, and she seems to finally be getting it. 99% of the time she's fine....but that 1% she still needs to be removed for her (overwhelmed), my (aggravated), and other people's sake.


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

"You can ignore the screaming without ignoring the child."









I am a SAHM with a husband. I can plan my shopping trips so as to avoid taking a screamer to the store. I can go when DH is not working, or when my screamer is attending their lovely nurturing preschool, or spending time with their lovely nurturing grandma who lives down the street.

If I couldn't do that, then I WOULDN'T do that. I'd strap my screamer in the cart, keep up a stream of positive chatter as I shopped, and just freaking get through it. And I would certainly not expect to be judged by the other hippie moms in the store. I'd expect them to assume that I was doing my best.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smithie* 
"You can ignore the screaming without ignoring the child."









I am a SAHM with a husband. I can plan my shopping trips so as to avoid taking a screamer to the store. I can go when DH is not working, or when my screamer is attending their lovely nurturing preschool, or spending time with their lovely nurturing grandma who lives down the street.

If I couldn't do that, then I WOULDN'T do that. I'd strap my screamer in the cart, keep up a stream of positive chatter as I shopped, and just freaking get through it. And I would certainly not expect to be judged by the other hippie moms in the store. I'd expect them to assume that I was doing my best.


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## SpottedFoxx (Feb 8, 2010)

Quick story about the ignoring of the screamer...

One day I HAD to get a few things at the store. My DS melted the minute we walked in. I even managed to score one of those cool rocket ship carts for him but he wanted to walk. He cried and cried and yelled and yelled. I just calmly told him I'm sorry he wasn't getting his way but this is the way we need to do things and if he wants to visit his friends (he loves to look at the lobsters) he was going to have to calm down. Nope, this time, didn't work. He cried and cried. Then I see a woman down on the other end of the market waving frantically at me. I looked behind me and no one was there. As I got closer she ignored me and said to my son "are you a crazy driver? Don't crash into my cart!" and with that she bumped our cart ever so gently and she just laughed. OMG - my son started to laugh with her and said "Mommy I a crazy driver!" Poof - drama done.

Moral of the story - if you see another parent with a melty child - please don't be afraid to pitch in for the cause


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SpottedFoxx* 
A very dear friend of mine had a great way to get the kids to behave at the grocery store. She had 5 kids and they were always amazing in public....

There are two parts - first few times you do this - intend to shop without buying any frozen goods (you'll understand why in a second).

Before you leave for the store, sit your child down and give him the rules...

1. You must stay in the cart. If you want to walk, you must ask nicely (no yelling) and you may walk but you must hold the cart at all times and not touch anything on the shelf.

2. If you stay in the cart/by the cart and follow the rules, you get $2.00 to spend on whatever you want in the supermarket. It can be a toy, a cereal he wants, candy, whatever (you have no say in what he buys - it's his money that he earned).

3. If you yell, run away or pull something off the shelf, we will leave the store and you will not get your $2.00 and we will not get our groceries.

Then go to the store. If he starts to act up. Leave the cart where it is (find an employee and let them know you have to leave but there is nothing perishable in the cart) and then leave.

My girlfriend only had to leave the store 1x with each of her children in order for this to sink in.

Then the fun begins when they get it - you see what kind of strange things your kid will buy. She told me one time her son decided he wanted the shrimp cocktail - the kind that comes together -sauce and shrimp in a jar.

As a side note - one of the other things she did that I loved was at the playground, she'd take a piece of chalk and draw lines on the ground to "block off" areas she didn't want the kids to go. She'd tell them that she'd know when they were ready to leave because one of them would cross the line. Until the line was crossed (or until a set time arrived), they could play as much as they wanted. Again, only 1x did a kid cross the line and it never happened again.

These methods really rub me the wrong way. It just seems excessively...something. I can't imagine holding on to a shopping cart for an extended period of time. And I can't imagine paying my children to go shopping with me.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I think the idea of payment also helps with the "I wants" it isn't a bribe to me, it is like any other chore, and shopping with young ones is just that, a chore.

DS is 11 months, and while he can't walk on his own yet, he loves to help push the cart. I tend to let him sit in the basket, it is less restrictive (no seat belt) and there is more room for stuff to put in back with him to keep him occupied.

My mom's tried and true trick was a box of animal crackers.

I think eventually you will hit on whatever works best for you.


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## hakeber (Aug 3, 2005)

Is your market really huge? Because at that age I started going to a supermarket that was really small and local, and I asked the door guards to keep an eye at the door for him, and showed him where the customer service lady was and then we'd go in, say hello to everyone and divide the list into thing he could get and things I had to get, and I'd let him wander.

When we occassionally had to do a big shop at a giant store, he was allowed out IF he stayed in the same aisle and he would get items from the low shelves there. When he broke the rule (ie ran away) he went back in the cart for three minutes, the next time six minutes, then the rest of the trip. If he followed the rules the whole time, he was allowed to pick out a new coloring book at the book aisle before we left.


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## starbuckmom (Aug 2, 2010)

I have 22 mo old twins plus a 5 yr old that I take shopping on a regular basis. When I am tired and want to get through the shopping trip faster, I will shop at night when my dh is home. They love spending time with daddy when mommy isn't home!

Anyways, I play games with my kids. I did this as a nanny when I had to take all 3 kids shopping. I started in the produce and they had to find things on my list. It helps the kids learn their fruits/veggies and colors!! Its like playing I Spy with them!!! My oldest loves playing "I Spy" for the groceries! My twins absolutely love to toss things into the basket too. I give them lightweight things to throw in. They can also put apples, oranges, bell peppers, cucumbers, potatoes, anything in the produce bags for me. I hold the bag and count with them.

Something that helps too is taking toys that they don't play with very often. We have toys in the car that stay in the car but can be taken into restaurants and stores.

Get your ds involved in the shopping.

Something my kids get to have is a cookie when we go to a particular store. Kids 6 and under get a free cookie from the bakery. When my kids turn a year old, its a big thing for them to get their first free cookie there!! My twins usually share a cookie. We don't go to this store very often and we don't eat a lot of sweets at home so I am completely ok with this.


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

Okay, so I have had much better luck since implementing some of the ideas I was given on this thread! First of all, I tried to make sure DS had either just gotten up for the day or just gotten up from a nap before planning grocery trips, which helped. Previously, we'd get up, eat breakfast, play, and about 3-4 hours later go grocery shopping. He was closer to being ready for a nap. I didn't realize what a difference a couple of hours would make! I also give him a treat, like popcorn or fruit leather, and started bringing crayons and paper with me into the store. As long as he's well rested, has something to occupy him, he stays in the cart! It's amazing!  I've just decided it's not worth the battle to try and take him in unless all conditions are good, rested, fed, occupied. So thank you! Shopping has been much better.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

AWESOME!!


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## Tdunahoo (Apr 10, 2008)

Here's what I do with my DS (who sounds very similar to yours). I start by telling him in the car that he needs to stay next to me while in the store if he wants to walk, otherwise he'll have to sit in the cart. I remind him again once we get into the store. He starts off walking next to me and if he takes off I give the first warning " you cannot take off in the store, if you do it again you'll have to sit in the cart because I need you to stay close to me and be safe" if he does it again he goes into the cart, right away. There is usually screaming but do it, trust me the screaming stops. He sits in the cart for a few minutes and I tell him I can't talk to him while he's screaming but if he uses his words we can discuss walking. He ALWAYS calms down (I use the "can't talk unless you use your words a lot at home), I say I'll give him another chance to walk but he needs to be a good listener and helper. Usually that is all it takes, but if we have a rough day where he isn't listening I check out with the stuff I have in the cart (screaming child or not) and we try again. The first 2 or 3 times I did this it was rough, but after that he knows what to expect so he does it.

I think if you start a pattern for your expectations your little guy will pick it up and shopping will become a lot easier. I know how tough it is to have a screaming toddler in a store or a toddler who is pulling everything off the shelf.


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

I love the idea of leaving the store with a half empty cart, or just checking out with what I have but it's just not very practical in my case. I'd waste so much gas going to and from the grocery store. The nearest one is 25 minutes away. I'm not going to leave the grocery store if I'm not done to go home and wait to try another day or even later that day. There's got to be another way! 

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Tdunahoo*
> 
> Here's what I do with my DS (who sounds very similar to yours). I start by telling him in the car that he needs to stay next to me while in the store if he wants to walk, otherwise he'll have to sit in the cart. I remind him again once we get into the store. He starts off walking next to me and if he takes off I give the first warning " you cannot take off in the store, if you do it again you'll have to sit in the cart because I need you to stay close to me and be safe" if he does it again he goes into the cart, right away. There is usually screaming but do it, trust me the screaming stops. He sits in the cart for a few minutes and I tell him I can't talk to him while he's screaming but if he uses his words we can discuss walking. He ALWAYS calms down (I use the "can't talk unless you use your words a lot at home), I say I'll give him another chance to walk but he needs to be a good listener and helper. Usually that is all it takes, but if we have a rough day where he isn't listening I check out with the stuff I have in the cart (screaming child or not) and we try again. The first 2 or 3 times I did this it was rough, but after that he knows what to expect so he does it.
> 
> I think if you start a pattern for your expectations your little guy will pick it up and shopping will become a lot easier. I know how tough it is to have a screaming toddler in a store or a toddler who is pulling everything off the shelf.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

When my DD1 was this age i was a single mama. I had to do it, i had to do it alone, i had nowhere i could leave dd and no WAY did i have money for an online delivery, that was over a third of my WEEKLY grocery bill just in delivery charge! Once every 3 months i would get an online shop and i was so i could have my tins and packets delivered as i had no car (and no way of transporting 36tins of tomatoes, 24 tins of mixed beans etc., 10kg of pasta, 5kg of rice, and so on without getting taxis which were more expensive than the online delivery charges).

I did what fuzzylogic describes. I put her in the cart, i fastened the seat belt (which is much safer anyway, i've seen several kids stand in the seat in the seconds the mom's back is turned then tumble and split their faces/scalps open, it takes a few seconds and can be a really horrible injury) and stayed calm and attempted to entertain her. If she tantrumed...oh well. We had to eat, i had to shop, she had to deal. If i was running in for things real quick i wore her in the meitai. As she got bigger (and exceeded the weight limit on the cart) i let her try walking and yes, she had to hold the cart. Even now she is required to hold the cart/my hand if we're in the store. *I* have to hold the cart the whole time we're in the store, so i can well imagine it. It's a bit boring. It's not the end of the world.

The way i see it, i am in charge of DD, it's up to me to make sure she's safe and not destroying her surroundings. She has EVERY RIGHT to express her opinion on how i choose to manage those tasks, but i can't be taking it into account the whole time. I definitely ignored the tantrum, not the child.


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## plantnerd (Aug 20, 2010)

Have you tried one of those baby leashes? That way baby can walk with you, but isn't able to take off or get to shelves unless you allow it. Seems like it would be a good compromise.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *plantnerd*
> 
> Have you tried one of those baby leashes? That way baby can walk with you, but isn't able to take off or get to shelves unless you allow it. Seems like it would be a good compromise.


The leashes are long enough for baby to get to the shelves, especially if mom is right next to the shelf.


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## hopefulfaith (Mar 28, 2005)

They totally are.







I made that mistake once...and then I had to pick up an entire noodle display that my daughter had knocked over.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Super~Single~Mama*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


I had two kids under two, and grocery shopping was my nemesis. I didn't have the luxury of going without kids very often; my dh works crazy hours, and if I waited for him to be home with the kids so I could shop, we would be eating .... cereal and canned corn or something for dinner. 

I used a carrier for one while my ds rode with a seatbelt on in the cart. Sometimes I brought a healthy earth sucker along for him to suck while we shopped. Other times, he got to ride in the basket and be "in charge" of stacking boxes/cans and minding the produce. He liked to sort it by color when he was about two.

The thing that worked really, really, really, really well for me was introducing the concept of "TEAM (lastname)". Whenever we would go into a store, the kids and I would have a team huddle. I laid out the expectations and told them approximately how long we would be there/what we needed/what help I needed from them. I usually made up a job for each of them: "Ds, I need you to help me find apples. Dd, you are in charge of bananas." I made it clear that our family needs food and we are the ones to get it; it was not negotiable, we were going to do it, and we had to work together as a team.

Even now, my kids are 5 and 4 -- we use our TEAM (lastname) all the time. The kids love referring to us by our team name and sometimes even yell "GO TEAM!" before we go into a store/whatever. Being part of a family means sucking it up to do the less than awesome things like grocery shopping. I do what I can to make it fun, but even when it's not fun, we still have to do it. (There's my life lesson for the kids.) It takes all of us to make it successful.......even if we're just running in for a gallon of milk and spaghetti sauce.

This team thing has carried over to other parts of our life -- snow shoveling, sweeping the kitchen/clearing the table, etc., and I love to see my kids grow up feeling responsible for our group success. It honestly started with grocery shopping. 

That doesn't mean we didn't have miserable trips -- and sometimes we still do (ever watched a 5 and 4 year old fight in the checkout lane? those are my kids) -- but for the most part, I try to make it as painless as possible. Sometimes I even split a peppermint patty in the car after a successful trip by our team.

Good luck. Shopping with kids is an evolving process.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I am the one thing that thinks subjecting an entire store to a toddler screaming while you do your shopping isn't the answer? I've even ignoring the larger issue of the effects on the child and meeting the child where they are at developmental Sitting still is not high on most todder's priority lists. Children tantrum, all mine have, if they don't calm down then we leave and try again later. If I am in the process of checking out then of course I will finish but to go through my entire list, I feel that is very inconsiderate of others. For the record I don't have 1 child and endless time to shop but 3, we have a busy life, it is an issue when I can't get the stuff I need when I have carefully allotted the time to do it.

For the getting through the store in the first place. I've done various things over the years depending what worked best on that child. Going at naptime and wearing the toddler so they would fall asleep on my back. Getting a treat if they allow me to get through the store. Bringing snacks, toys, etc... Making multiple quick dashes through the store when I normally only do one large trip a week. Trying to go on times when I have the least amount of children with me. It is a phase just like most of childhood is, it will pass, until then it is all about surviving it.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

I get what you're saying but I the point for me anyway was that they won't tantrum each and every time you make them sit in the cart. It's a one or maybe two shot deal during which they child learns that freaking out doesn't make them get their way, all the time and on some level maybe even learns the important lesson that is 'my needs don't come first all the time'.

Sitting still might not be high on my little girl's priority list. It doesn't have to be. But she still has to learn how to do it without it being a huge drama every time.

Some of the biggest mistakes I made with my son (my first) were not having high enough expectations of him and OVER explaining his behaviour as being 'age appropriate'. Just because it's age appropriate doens't mean it's OK.

Obviously your way is working for you though. Just explaining mine.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Peony*
> 
> I am the one thing that thinks subjecting an entire store to a toddler screaming while you do your shopping isn't the answer? I've even ignoring the larger issue of the effects on the child and meeting the child where they are at developmental Sitting still is not high on most todder's priority lists. Children tantrum, all mine have, if they don't calm down then we leave and try again later. If I am in the process of checking out then of course I will finish but to go through my entire list, I feel that is very inconsiderate of others. For the record I don't have 1 child and endless time to shop but 3, we have a busy life, it is an issue when I can't get the stuff I need when I have carefully allotted the time to do it.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

> Quote:
> 
> 
> > Originally Posted by *Peony*
> ...


Eh. I think that part of going to the store is that sometimes you get to listen to children scream. Same as being on an airplane (has anyone ever been on an airplane and not listened to a baby cry for a good part of it??), going to the mall, playground, etc. It's certainly not ideal, I don't like listening to other peoples children scream, but it happens.

Children do need to learn at some point that the world does not revolve around them, and to be honest, sitting still isn't real high on MY list of priorities either, but I'm in school and I have to sit through boring classes all the time. I agree with bringing snacks, or doing something fun after to reward a good trip (park anyone?), or even going to the park before shopping to get some energy out first so that sitting still might work better (and bringing a spill proof sippy cup with some water/juice/milk). I think having survival tactics is always a good idea, but knowing that children will tantrum occasionally and that shouldn't always get them what they want is OK too.


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