# You know you have a family bedroom when...



## Zuri'smom (Sep 14, 2004)

Someone started a thread on the toddler forum that began "you know you have a toddler when..." and 7 pages of hilarious stuff came after that. So, I thought I'd start a simliar one on this forum to laugh at the antics of a family bed...

YOu know you have a family bedroom (or bed) when.....

you hear your dd sleep talking things like "NO! I don't want to! REally bad pee pee!"

Your toddler starts crying in her sleep and your baby wakes up for real!

Your baby starts crying and your toddler wakes up for real!

just when you nurse your baby back to sleep in the morning and are dozing off yourself, you hear your toddler "MOM? Time-a get up?"

Even though you put your toddler to bed in her own bed (adjacent to yours) sometime during the night you wake up with her nuzzled next to you, buried under the covers, rubbing your arm...

Sex happens everywhere BUT the bed

YOu spend amazing mornings with the whole family in the bed playing and talking before breakfast!


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## muppet729 (Feb 15, 2005)

You've ever come back from the bathroom and had to weigh whether or not to attempt to move the 32in of toddler that is somehow taking up ALL of the bed

Even you are confused about which room/bed is "my" room/bed and which room/bed is "your" room/bed

You've ever waken up to wet sheets (not one of the prettier aspects of co-sleepign







)

You know what it's like to fall asleep nursing your baby while your body and your SO's body forms a circle around the child


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

When your 10 yr old is nuzzled under your armpit with her feet hanging off the bed, two four yr olds each have a leg, the baby is laid across your chest and attached to the breast, the 6 yr old is laying across the top of the bed holding a strand of your hair, the other 10 yr old is laying at the foot of the bed....and you REALLY need to pee!


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

you wake up because you feel something pulling at your boob and realize it's the little one trying to pull it into their mouth whilst sleeping.


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *muppet729* 
You've ever come back from the bathroom and had to weigh whether or not to attempt to move the 32in of toddler that is somehow taking up ALL of the bed

Yes!!! That was me last night!!
Oh, and to add...
When you have to make a snap decision in the middle of the night- who to uncover when you you just _have_ to get up to pee- toddler or dh. Who will whine more over being woken? Who will be harder to get back to sleep?


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## JilliesMom (Sep 25, 2006)

You wake up sore & stiff from being pinned in one position.....because your nursing toddler is lying sideways across your chest,there's a cat on your head, a dog on one side of your leg & another dog on the other side.....

You buy a King size bed so everyone will fit but there's still no room because your toddler insists on forming the letter "H" between you & DH.

You wake up to your toddler yelling at her daycare playmates in her sleep.

All of the Disney princesses are laid out on your pillow.


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## celestialdreamer (Nov 18, 2004)

You go to make the bed and there is a whole herd of stuffed animals in there from your toddler









You sleep with your boobs hanging out all night in case the baby wants a snack, and with your toddlers freezing cold feet down your pant legs & arms up your shirt









People ask your toddler if she likes sleeping in her big girl bed, and she says looks at them with a blank stare.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

When in order to give your rolling, thrashing, teething toddler more room, you and your DH resort to sleeping toe to toe--one of you lying next to your toddler and the other along the foot of the bed sleeping at a right angle to your partner.









When lying in bed reading Goodnight Moon, your toddler expresses empathy for the little bunny who has to sleep all alone.


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## TheGlimmering (Dec 9, 2006)

Deleted


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

You head to bed with the baby and stop, frantically searching for the toddler you can't see . . . until you realize she's sleeping across your husband's head.









You don't have to actually wake up -- or get up -- to night nurse.

You get to hear such gems from your sleeping toddler as: "No, not the raspberry men!" "The kitty cats and butterflies are chasing me!" and "Dadoo, make the dinosaur stop eating my hand."

Every night is cuddle night.


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## Zuri'smom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TheGlimmering* 
.
...the bed hasn't been made in months.

that is so true!!!

Or how about discovering a wet spot in the bed and not being able to determine if it's toddler pee, breast milk or baby drool!!!!


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Zuri'smom* 
Or how about discovering a wet spot in the bed and not being able to determine if it's toddler pee, breast milk or baby drool!!!!

LMAO...just the other night I woke up when DD was scooting me out of bed. I switched spots with her, to find that the whole reason she was stealing my spot was that her sippy cup (which is also her lovey--she won't sleep without it snuggled in her arm) had leaked all over the bed. I sniffed it briefly before deciding that even if it was pee and not water, it wasn't worth getting everyone out of bed to change the sheets. So mommy slept in a puddle all night, but at least I got some sleep!


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## mija y mijo (Dec 6, 2006)

Or how about discovering a wet spot in the bed and not being able to determine if it's toddler pee, breast milk or baby drool!!!![/QUOTE]

laughup
This is so true!


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## MobiusWentKnowhere (Dec 11, 2006)

I envy all of you. We all sleep in bed lined up like soldiers. No stuffed animals, no loveys, no sleeping on heads, no pee.....well maybe a little. I always thought our family bed was outside the norm but your stories make me think ours is a little prudish.

Thanks for the laughs.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

- Where you used to keep a novel and a glass of water by your beside, you now have picture books and sippy cups.

- You get woken up by icy little toes down the back of your pajamas (my dd always sticks her cold feet down my pants to warm them up--she doen't like blankets).

- Your toddler doesn't need a blankie because she strokes and twirls your hair all night long.

- You're there the instant someone has a bad dream and needs a cuddle.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

You have plenty of room for guests because you have a set of bunkbeds, an unused crib, and a daybed that go empty . . .


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## TanyaS (Jun 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ledzepplon* 
- Your toddler doesn't need a blankie because she strokes and twirls your hair all night long.

This is my dd1!

-when you describe yourself as a "mommy sandwich" because you slept all night nursing the babe at the All Night Milk Bar and the toddler has a hair fetish.


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## naturegirl (Apr 16, 2002)

Quote:

- Your toddler doesn't need a blankie because she strokes and twirls your hair all night long.
mine too! He is a nursing, sleepy hair twirler!


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## TanyaS (Jun 24, 2003)

Does the hair twirling drive you








:? I am seriously thinking of buying dd a hairpiece to sleep with!


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

I have to admit, TanyaS and naturegirl, that the twirling bugs the heck outta me sometimes. And if I'm not in bed with her, she does it to her own hair, leaving a big huge rat's nest. But when I think about it, it's very sweet that she gets comfort from me like this!


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

You automatically kneel on the bed before getting in, to clear a space for yourself by brushing a half-pound of sand off the sheets.


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## rbriansgirl (Mar 14, 2006)

Quote:

-when you describe yourself as a "mommy sandwich" because you slept all night nursing the babe at the All Night Milk Bar and the toddler has a hair fetish.






















That made me laugh sooooo hard! I think the madest my ds ever got was when I cut my hair! I don't have any more to add but thanks for all the laughs!


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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

When you have only a small runway to walk in your room- because all the room is being taken up by beds all pushed together to make one big bed, and its still not big enough because everyone needs to be touching you to sleep.

You lean a little to nurse the baby and thats enough to wake your toddler up(crying), who wakes your other toddler up and then you spend the next 2hrs trying to settle them, because your boob is in the babies mouth, one hand is holding ds's hand, the other holding dd's hand, hey am I playing some strange momma form of twister?

TanyaS- Seriously my mom bought a wig to keep in bed so my little brother wouldn't keep her up all night. It worked, she even got it in her color!


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## gilnikche (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Britishmum* 
You automatically kneel on the bed before getting in, to clear a space for yourself by brushing a half-pound of sand off the sheets.

*Wow...I thought I was the only one.*


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## gilnikche (Nov 19, 2001)

*How about having to tell your child ...

"Honey; mommy can't sleep with your foot in my butt crack."*


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## UnskulinMama (Nov 1, 2005)

Ooh I've got one...

When you wake up, shivering and uncomfortable, to find yourself in your baby's side-carred crib while he's fast asleep, wrapped warm in your blankets in your spot next to DH!


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

what is it with youngun's and want ing to be sideways between mama and dada anyway???









Quote:


Originally Posted by *zuri'smom*
Or how about discovering a wet spot in the bed and not being able to determine if it's toddler pee, breast milk or baby drool!!!!

and then deciding you don't care


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## geek_the_girl (Apr 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Zuri'smom* 

Sex happens everywhere BUT the bed



Soooo true!!









You get punched in the face by your kiddo while they kick your partner in the nuts. And she looks soo peaceful when she sleeps...


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

your having a nice adult dream and start to wake up thinking your dh is getting frisky, but its just your toddler trying to find your boob.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

if you wake up in the night and you worry because you can't hear anyone snoring, grunting, snuffling or farting


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *orangefoot* 
if you wake up in the night and you worry because you can't hear anyone snoring, grunting, snuffling or farting

lmao!! sooooooooooo true!


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## anarchamama (Mar 4, 2005)

....the baby's head always smells like your armpit
....you go through more sheets than a hotel
....you wake up with your eye socket full of slobber
....you can never put landry away becuase someone is sleeping nearly 24 hrs a day
....when your kids sleep pover at the grandparents house grandpa has to sleep on the couch becuase ds wants to sleep on their "family" room








....your kids have a whole "bedroom" devoted to pets, toy storage and laundry
....Your ds cannot understand your objection to his warming his feet under your BREASTS


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## UnskulinMama (Nov 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anarchamama* 
....Your ds cannot understand your objection to his warming his feet under your BREASTS























Oh I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe!


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## HannahsMomma (Oct 2, 2006)

These are great ! LMAO !

...you wake up with cute little feet in your face because your dc likes to sleep sideways
...you and your dh are snuggled up next to each other 1" from the edge of the bed and your dc is spread out on the rest of the bed and side-car crib

and this is so true...

Quote:

Originally Posted by zuri'smom
Or how about discovering a wet spot in the bed and not being able to determine if it's toddler pee, breast milk or baby drool!!!!


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## MOM2ANSLEY (May 19, 2003)

The store clerk looks at you strange b/c you want the teddy bear sheets in king size


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## NewCrunchyDaddy (Jul 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MOM2ANSLEY* 
The store clerk looks at you strange b/c you want the teddy bear sheets in king size









:


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MOM2ANSLEY* 
The store clerk looks at you strange b/c you want the teddy bear sheets in king size

i have a teddybear comforter in king


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## DucetteMama21842 (May 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anarchamama* 
....the baby's head always smells like your armpit
....you go through more sheets than a hotel
....you wake up with your eye socket full of slobber
....you can never put landry away becuase someone is sleeping nearly 24 hrs a day
....when your kids sleep pover at the grandparents house grandpa has to sleep on the couch becuase ds wants to sleep on their "family" room








....your kids have a whole "bedroom" devoted to pets, toy storage and laundry
....Your ds cannot understand your objection to his warming his feet under your BREASTS
















:


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

....you utter the words "mommys nose, dont put your finger up there" while still half asleep


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## NewCrunchyDaddy (Jul 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *romans_mum* 
....you utter the words "mommys nose, dont put your finger up there" while still half asleep

Oh that's so true. Except I utter "_daddy's_ nose, don't put your finger up there."







:


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## katiedidbug (Dec 16, 2006)

You're always thinking of things to say (clever or just avoiding-type phrases, depending on the person) to "how does he do at night?" or "does he sleep through the night?"
And always trying to think of comebacks for negative co-sleeping criticism.

I loved the one about not knowing the difference between pee, breast milk, and drool. That is so true.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

When everyone starts out in their own beds, but by morning:

-- your dh is in the bottom bunk (toddler's bed)
-- you are in the top bunk (6yo's bed) with toddler
-- 6yo, who is a horrible kicker, wakes up with the whole queen sized bed to herself. And is not happy about it.

-- IF on the rare occasion when children stay in their own beds one of two things happens:
(a) you wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and go make sure the kids are still breathing
(b) you wake up in the morning to find yourself clutching your dd's blankie because you need her presence still, even if she doesn't need yours.

-- You discover early on in the cosleeping days that it's better if you and spouse have separate blankets.

These are from a couple of years ago:

-- your toddler, upon getting her new dollhouse, spreads a washcloth on the floor of the dollhouse bedroom and lays everyone across it.
-- same toddler, when MIL is visiting, demonstrates sex using mommy and daddy dolls in a way that is unmistakable. Even has them going to the bathroom after sex. And you are trying to figure out when she was awake when you thought she was sleeping, and trying to come up with something to say to MIL to get her open jaw off the floor.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *USAmma* 
-- same toddler, when MIL is visiting, demonstrates sex using mommy and daddy dolls in a way that is unmistakable. Even has them going to the bathroom after sex. And you are trying to figure out when she was awake when you thought she was sleeping, and trying to come up with something to say to MIL to get her open jaw off the floor.


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## NewCrunchyDaddy (Jul 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *USAmma* 
You discover early on in the cosleeping days that it's better if you and spouse have separate blankets.

It's true! It's true! We have two separate bed sets. One for DW and DS and one for me!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *USAmma* 
your toddler, upon getting her new dollhouse, spreads a washcloth on the floor of the dollhouse bedroom and lays everyone across it.

That's so adorable







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *USAmma* 
same toddler, when MIL is visiting, demonstrates sex using mommy and daddy dolls in a way that is unmistakable. Even has them going to the bathroom after sex. And you are trying to figure out when she was awake when you thought she was sleeping, and trying to come up with something to say to MIL to get her open jaw off the floor.























:







:







:







: That has got to be one of the funniest things I have _ever_ read on MDC!







:


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

You step out into the living room, finding that DD has snuck out earlier and colored with a black marker all over the kitchen table, her clothes, her mouth... two sheet of paper (which was totally ok) ...

knew she did wrong, and put the marker back where it belonged WITH the cap on and pretended she did nothing wrong.


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

You know you have a toddler when your World of Warcraft character does not die at all in PVP battlegrounds because all she'd doing is running the char on the mount in crazy eight circles and jumping- thus confusing everyone else and making them think she is a decoy for the flag capturer. And in the meantime she aquires you 10 honroable kills by just being near those who did the killing.


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## TheGlimmering (Dec 9, 2006)

Deleted


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:

-- same toddler, when MIL is visiting, demonstrates sex using mommy and daddy dolls in a way that is unmistakable. Even has them going to the bathroom after sex. And you are trying to figure out when she was awake when you thought she was sleeping, and trying to come up with something to say to MIL to get her open jaw off the floor.


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## formerluddite (Nov 16, 2006)

you wake up with a dent in your face from sleeping on top of a block/hotwheel/pollypocket/rock/see'n'say/train/sippycup/thermometer/harmonica/barbieshoe... and you pick it up and your child screams "mine!"


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## Zuri'smom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gilnikche* 
*How about having to tell your child ...

"Honey; mommy can't sleep with your foot in my butt crack."*

I've said that!!!


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

I was reading a few of these off to my partner, and his response to this one

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JilliesMom* 
You buy a King size bed so everyone will fit but there's still no room because your toddler insists on forming the letter "H" between you & DH.

was "This abstinence brought to you by the letter "H".


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## Zuri'smom (Sep 14, 2004)

These are all so funny!

...you tell your toddler, "you can rub mommy's arm, but no pinching because that hurts, and don't grab my mole, please, and don't put your hands down mommy's pants...."

you keep the crib in your kid's playroom (formerly the planned bedroom) just because it matches the dressers and because it makes for a great place for the kids' stuffed animals and for the Christmas tree ornaments to take naps!


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## secondseconds (Jun 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TheGlimmering* 

...you have the talent of frigging with one breast under the baby and the other under dh.

Color me uninformed, but what's frigging?







:


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## pixiepunk (Mar 11, 2003)

these are cracking me up! i have toddler feet in my crack at least 3x a week







and we have formed many an "H" in the last few years









You've ever woken up with *three* different butts in your face at once - DD's, DS's and the cat's

You find your little ones playing house, cuddling with each other and several dolls/stuffed animals in their bed - at first you just watch because it's so sweet, and then it dawns on you that that's the first time they've ever actually *been* in their bed









there is a mat of cat hair on the comforter of the "kid's bed" because the cats have claimed it. why not? no people ever sleep there!

you can't help but laugh out loud when a childless couple says they didn't have enough room in a queen, so they had to buy a king

you've ever been woken up by a child whispering in your ear sweetly "mama, let's cuddle."

you've ever woken up because your nursling has unlatched and there is a sudden "breeze"

it suddenly dawns on you that some might find it odd that you share a bed with 7 other living things (DH, DD, DS, and 4 cats - after all, you did co-sleep with them before the kids came along, you can't just kick 'em out!)


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

These are so funny!

your toddler sticks her butt in your face as she sleeps and you sniff it a little, smiling, enjoying (nay, DEEPLY RELISHING) her precious smell

your toddler farts in her sleep and you sniff, trying to remember what she ate that day, did she eat enough, etc.

you wake up to the sweetest little voice happily saying, "Hi Mami!"

It's so true about the bed not being made for eons, no laundry being put away because someone's always sleeping, bedside table being covered in children's books, and sex happening anywhere except the bedroom.


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## LambQueen (Mar 20, 2003)

You start drinking from the myriad of sippy cups strewn about your bed in the middle of the night because you're too lazy to fill up your own water bottle.


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## formerluddite (Nov 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiepunk* 
you can't help but laugh out loud when a childless couple says they didn't have enough room in a queen, so they had to buy a king

off topic, but i always figure these are people who got trained to sleep alone as babies/kids. my dh coslept with his parents, then his brother. when we first got together we shared my twin for a year, then splurged on a double for all the "extra room"


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

You know you have a family bedroom when you wake up because your face hurts and you realize that you've been karate kicked in the nose by a chubby, 4" foot!


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

These are too funny!!

--you clean cheerios off the sheets every night before bed!

--breakfast in bed changes from a fun romantic thing...to a family affair with cream of wheat all over everyone! *hehe*

--You have four pillows for 3 people and still end up without one in the morning.

--you wake up FREEZING because DS refuses to be under any covers and is an all night nurser. He also refuses you wearing a shirt .... he's even torn a couple of mine trying to get to his numnums


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## *mama moose* (Oct 12, 2006)

I love the one about the baby smelling like armpit! totally true!!









I'll add some:
*when you buy a waterproof mattress cover to put under your sheets because you have one too many baby poop stains on your mattress for your liking.
* when DD wakes up earlier than usual and won't nurse back to sleep and I put my arm over her and let her chew on and talk to my hand while I catch a few extra winks








* When I wake up to DD and I under the comforter and DH under a throw blanket that barely covers his curled up body
*when you aren't sweaty, but your arm is from being wrapped around DD all night
*when the first thing you do every morning and the last thing you do at night is snuggle your child


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JilliesMom* 
You wake up sore & stiff from being pinned in one position.....because your nursing toddler is lying sideways across your chest,there's a cat on your head, a dog on one side of your leg & another dog on the other side.....

You buy a King size bed so everyone will fit but there's still no room because your toddler insists on forming the letter "H" between you & DH.


hee hee - this is me.

Here is my addition. . .
you wake up to your babe crawling over you in his/her sleep and babbling at the same time


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## rachelmarie (Mar 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *geek_the_girl* 
You get punched in the face by your kiddo while they kick your partner in the nuts. And she looks soo peaceful when she sleeps...









This is hilarious!

















I love these! Here are mine:

...the last thing your 2-year-old says before falling asleep is "thank you nursie, Mama!" with the sweetest smile.

...Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are the last thing you see as you fall asleep and the first thing you see waking up because they "sleep" standing up on the nighttable.

...your 2-year-old goes to sleep with the covers pulled over his head because he is nursing in the "bat cave."

...you forget there are actually people who do not co-sleep (I forget how "weird" we are sometimes







)

...the salesman at the mattress store looks at you weird because you only buy a king size mattress - no box spring, no bed frame - just a mattress.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

... you have pulled out a breast when half asleep and tried to nurse DH when he stirred in his sleep


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## northcountrymamma (Feb 24, 2006)

these are hillarious... here's mine...

you've woken up looking frantically for the babe, only to find her under the sheets by your feet.

you've woken up wondering what the heck is at your feet when you're dd's face pops out the other end of the covers and says "im just rubbing your feet mum"

you've yanked the mattress off beds at hotels or other peoples houses, to make a cozy sleep spot for all.

you were bought a crib and it turned into a great laundry hamper!

I especially like the one about the big girl bed...that just happened today and dd looked at the lady like she was nuts!


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## hlnmommy (May 16, 2006)

I am loving this thread!! I have expericenced so many of these but would not change it for the world!!







:


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## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

great thread!!!


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## LittleRockstar (Dec 11, 2006)

...You need to be kneaded at night.


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## zmom (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TanyaS* 
Does the hair twirling drive you







:? I am seriously thinking of buying dd a hairpiece to sleep with!









: I can't tell you how many times I've woken up in the middle of the night and wondered where on earth you would buy a hairpiece! (And would I freak out in the middle of the night if I woke up and saw it?)


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

apperantly som of you are sleeping with MY child -- which leads me to wonder why i am not getting more sleep.

(but mine PULLS hair to self sooth)

Mine refuses blankets on his OR me -- appeartly he likes his milk chilled.

---When you wake to baby cooing, and DH saying "it is still dark, go back to sleep" and tot actually laughs and beging patting daddy.

---DS is nurseing while DH is getting intrested behind you (do I have any vote in this body any more).

Though I DO WISH my DS would get his own boob at night -- this 14 month old who can undo shirts in teh daytime, refuses to ever ROLL over for it at nbight -- he wakes and fusses, then cires if i am not FAST enogh (and I don't get long at all) and expects me to roll him, move him, and put the boob within inches of his mouth..........................i really though babies got their own boobs...not this one.

Aimee


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## formerluddite (Nov 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aimee21972* 
Though I DO WISH my DS would get his own boob at night -- this 14 month old who can undo shirts in teh daytime, refuses to ever ROLL over for it at nbight -- he wakes and fusses, then cires if i am not FAST enogh (and I don't get long at all) and expects me to roll him, move him, and put the boob within inches of his mouth..........................i really though babies got their own boobs...not this one.

Aimee

that was my dd1, to a tee, even at 2yo. i couldn't figure out what people meant when they said they slept thru nightnursing. now, dd2, she'd get my t-shirt up and everything, if i could manage to not sleep on my stomach!


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

You have to start wearing panties to bed because your toddler's toes are getting tangled in your short and curlies at night.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

When you wake up in the morning to a little hand grabbing your nose, and a delighted, laughing baby when you startle

When you ease into bed every night and gingerly pull the blankets over yourself

When your dh says to you "remember when we used to have sex in bed?" and it seems so weird

when your babys foot jabs at your full bladder while she nurses

you don't own a "sleep-sack"


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