# Miscarriage After Surprise Pregnancy



## mrscarpee (Jun 28, 2010)

Hi everyone.

I miscarried about a month ago. I was about 6 weeks along in a surprise pregnancy. Some days are tough, others are not so tough, some are awful. Like today.

When I found out I was pregnant right at 4 weeks, I started bawling. It was unexpected and there are so many reasons that it was too much for us to handle. My husband and I both freaked out and were instantly super stressed about how we were going to manage. It would have been our 3rd child while we are raising (and paying for daycare) for a 1 and 3 year old. 

But by week 5, I was ecstatic. I was worried about how we would manage, but over the moon about having a 3rd. Husband was still in shock and was really stressed. I don't think he ever got the attachment that I did.

When I miscarried, I thought that would be it. My husband would get fixed, and we'd move on with our family of 4. But now I am STUCK on having a 3rd. I can't get away from it. No matter how impractical it is, or how great our life already is without a 3rd, I feel like I am missing something and that it can't be fulfilled without a 3rd child. Could this be hormones talking? My husband wants to keep our lives as they are without a 3rd child, and it is really causing tension right now. Maybe I will feel differently in a few months after the hormones wear off? Or maybe I just really want to have a baby. 

I just feel like a mess.


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## thecoffeebean (Apr 11, 2011)

I'm so sorry, Mrscarpee. It can be so hard to process a loss, no matter how far along you were, and thinking about TTC again or not can really make it even more difficult. I lost a baby a month ago and had a D&C and it has been a very emotional month. My two children have been very needy/sick/teething, and I just haven't been myself under the stress. I feel like I may be done having children, but I know my husband really wants another. I suppose it's best not to make any decisions right now. Hugs to you, mama.


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## t2009 (Sep 1, 2009)

Hugs @mrscarpee. :Hug So hard. It took a long while for DH & I to get back on the same page after my miscarriage, even though we were trying to get pregnant, so I imagine you & your DH are simply processing it all differently. You can get there (no matter what "there" ends up being) together with time. I do feel hormones can play a part--I could think of nothing other than getting pregnant again right after my miscarriage but that hats subsided a bit in recent months (I miscarried in May). Be patient with yourself & with your DH. It's so, so hard. Many healing vibes to you both!


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## alicewyf (Apr 24, 2008)

I'm so sorry. I just miscarried around 4/5 weeks with a surprise pregnancy. We do plan to eventually have a 3rd child, but like you I would be totally be out of my mind if my husband were not on board. I am so sorry you are going through this. :loss


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## whitneyg (Dec 12, 2009)

I could have written the same story. I have a 5, and 2.5 year old and was surprise pregnant with number 3. We were enormously stressed about the addition of a 3rd baby which made my miscarriage at 9.5 weeks that much more confusing. Now we are totally on the fence about a 3rd and have no idea how to decide. I know now is not the time, but it is constantly on my mind. So much about having 2 kids seems so perfect, but I am always left wondering about what it might be like to have another, and if all the extra (stress, stuff, childcare cost, bigger car, etc) would be worth it.

It is a crummy mental place to be. Hugs to you.


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## qoshipgo (Dec 12, 2014)

great, Be patient with yourself & with your DH. It's so, so hard. Many healing vibes to you both!


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## mrscarpee (Jun 28, 2010)

Thanks ladies. We are actually pregnant again! It was once again a surprise, as we were actually trying to not to get pregnant (husband's wishes). So it must be meant to be. Thanks for the support.


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