# Life skills everyone should have before leaving home...



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

DH and I were talking about this the other day. We were reminiscing about how appalled we were that so many kids couldn't do laundry when we were in college. I also know a girl that ruined Easy Mac (she put the noodles in the bowl, put the sauce packet on top still sealed, and put the whole thing in the microwave for 5mins) We were discussing the basic things we want to teach our children before they leave home.

Our list included:

- *Laundry* How to sort and complete laundry according to each type of clothing.

- *Ironing* (I can't do this. My mother was obsessive about ironing everything)

- *Cooking* How to follow a recipe. I also think it would benefit to be able to make a few, simple, things from scratch. (Scrambled eggs were the first thing I learned to make)

- *Sewing* Basic button sewing and how to quick fix something in a pinch

-*Cleaning* How to wash dishes WITHOUT a dishwasher. Basic cleaning like vacuuming, mopping, etc...

I know I'm forgetting a few...

What do you think?


----------



## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Social Skills. How to talk to and deal with people politely in day to day life. Man, I've known some who apparently never learned that. I'm not talking about being the most popular person in the world... I'm talking about having the courtesy to open doors for people, and not cuss out old ladies at 7-11.


----------



## bluebunny (Jul 14, 2006)

I think budgeting is a big one. My parents started us off early by giving us an allowance and requiring that we put a certain percentage in a jar for "savings."

Also, I think learning how to grocery shop is another important thing to know. For instance, my mom would send us to the store with a list and coupons and certain amount of money. We had to learn what were good prices for certain items -- produce, for example. Learning how to follow a list and be mindful of prices has certainly helped me.


----------



## Mrsboyko (Nov 13, 2007)

How to pay a bill. Like how long before the due date you should send it, what to do if it is going to be late.

Car maintnance- Oil changes, tires, breaks, just when to look at them and where to go really.

grocery shopping- how long meat can stay in the fridge before spoiling, same with veggies an fruits.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1101* 
Social Skills. How to talk to and deal with people politely in day to day life. Man, I've known some who apparently never learned that. I'm not talking about being the most popular person in the world... I'm talking about having the courtesy to open doors for people, and not cuss out old ladies at 7-11.

I agree. My ex was like that. He would play his loud (vulgar) rap music with the windows down. I would turn it down when we would stop for gas or something (especially when there were children around) and he would get mad at me.
I also think that (especially boys) should know to open doors for women and be willing to give up their seat. I can't tell you the number of times I was grateful when a man did that for me when I was big and pregnant! I thanked a family because they instructed their sons to get up too (so the men were all standing together) (they were using it as a teaching moment)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bluebunny* 
I think budgeting is a big one. My parents started us off early by giving us an allowance and requiring that we put a certain percentage in a jar for "savings."

Also, I think learning how to grocery shop is another important thing to know. For instance, my mom would send us to the store with a list and coupons and certain amount of money. We had to learn what were good prices for certain items -- produce, for example. Learning how to follow a list and be mindful of prices has certainly helped me.

Balancing a checkbook and budgeting! Yes!! Basic shopping and price comparison! I had a shopping problem in college because my parents had always controlled my money and would give me money "just because" and whenever I wanted to go shopping...


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mrsboyko* 
How to pay a bill. Like how long before the due date you should send it, what to do if it is going to be late.

Car maintnance- Oil changes, tires, breaks, just when to look at them and where to go really.

grocery shopping- how long meat can stay in the fridge before spoiling, same with veggies an fruits.

I lump bill paying with budgeting and finance...

I'm still bad about car stuff. I just go by what the book the dealer gave us says... and I can't tell what's wrong with it if it makes a funny noise.


----------



## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

A bit of self-discipline-- how to get yourself up and out of the house on time in the morning, and keep your commitments, without somebody having to nag you or manage your time for you. How to keep and manage a to-do list, for example, and keep track of your own appointments, and overcome the urge to just blow things off and sleep in.

MIL failed to teach DH this stuff, and it's taken us twelve years of marriage to make up for that failure.


----------



## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

Budgeting and time management. My brother is about to flunk out of his first year of college due to a lack of those skills. Each of those could have more specifics like grocery shopping (i.e knowing real good deals vs. seemingly good ones) and utlizing your resources (knowing how to make do without mom and dad







).

There is a college in my town that has a life skills course available for freshmen. Goes over everything you'd need to know, down to home management. It's a popular one here. My sister and I were talking about it the other day actually. So sad what kids don't know these days (and I'm not even old enough to claim my age group doens't fall into that mindset







)


----------



## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Yeah... my mom taught me all the other stuff mentioned in here so far, but I'm helpless with a car. I can check the oil, power steering fluid, and water, and I can put gas in them. That's it.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mrsboyko* 
How to pay a bill. Like how long before the due date you should send it, what to do if it is going to be late.

Car maintnance- Oil changes, tires, breaks, just when to look at them and where to go really.

grocery shopping- how long meat can stay in the fridge before spoiling, same with veggies an fruits.

I agree with these, with the caveat that the second doesn't always apply. I've only started learning those things in the last few years, because I didn't drive until I was 37. There's very limited value in learning to look after a car when you don't have one, aren't getting one, and can't drive one. I suspect if I'd learned that stuff before I left home, I'd be re-learning it now, because I never had any need of it.

Budgeting, budgeting, budgeting. HUGE! People need to know how to balance a chequebook, keep track of outstanding cheques, what their fees are, etc. I've met adults (young ones, admittedly) who didn't even know they'd pay a fee for bouncing a cheque! I had one guy, at about 24, tell me he didn't know how a cheque could bounce, _because the bank took the money out right away_. I pointed out that the bank doesn't know the money has to come out, until _they_ get the cheque. He told me felt stupid after I pointed that out, but he'd actually never thought about it/realized it.

In the 21 century, I think elementary schools should teach "Cabling" - explaining to students how to connect all their various computer and "home entertainment system" stuff. (Okay - I'm being facetoius, but it does seem to be morphing into a basic life skill.)


----------



## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
In the 21 century, I think elementary schools should teach "Cabling" - explaining to students how to connect all their various computer and "home entertainment system" stuff. (Okay - I'm being facetoius, but it does seem to be morphing into a basic life skill.)

ROTFL, if only they'd taught that in elementary school in the 60's. My mom is HOPELESS with cords.


----------



## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

How about driving? I know of a woman (an acquaintance of people I am close with) in her late 20s whose parents still drive her around. Now THAT is a person who has not been taught life skills. And before anyone asks, no, she is not disabled in any way.

It also shocks me how many adults from two-parent homes I know that never learned to do basic home repairs or yard work because their dads always did it when they were growing up. So now I know adult people with their own houses who can't maintain a mowed lawn or a garden, don't know what poison ivy looks like, and can't change a doorknob or stop a toilet from running. My family was not that way and my dad had me help him do everything around the house so I would know how to do it when I grew up!


----------



## luv-my-boys (Dec 8, 2008)

DH and I have also had the same conversation in regards to teaching our boys about life. We want to make sure that they are somewhat prepared in life to be able to function without us.

Some of things that we hope to impart over the next few yrs are:

1. How to budget for groceries so that you have affordable nutritious meals
(I remember in college spending all my $ to make a recipe and then starve for 2 wks because I used all my grocery $ on that 1 recipe)

2. basic working knowledge on how to do things like change a flat,oil, windshield wiper fluid and check tire pressure. Basic car maintainence. Plus who to call for emergencies like a tow and such.

3. manners. Were really big on this. I dont mean so they are little mr manners or anything. but polite people who know common courtesy and manners is appropriate. To know not ot eat with their mouth full or how to use a fork. Maybe its because were from the south but were floored at the "rudeness" and lack of manners on some people. That would include phone skills as well.

Im interested in seeing what others say

4.


----------



## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

Everything already mentioned. Plus dh is really stressing that our children will know how to take apart and clean a computer, basic (and some not so basic) trouble shooting. He's a computer geek







He's taking 2 wks off at Christmas time (does it every year) and is planning on taking apart one of the computers with our 5-year-old to get her used to it (or something like that.)


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 

In the 21 century, I think elementary schools should teach "Cabling" - explaining to students how to connect all their various computer and "home entertainment system" stuff. (Okay - I'm being facetoius, but it does seem to be morphing into a basic life skill.)









I agree, being proficient with technology is evolving into a life skill. Thankfully, my computer was color coded (the cord with the green plug goes into the green hole of the same size)


----------



## oiseau (Mar 30, 2008)

This goes in the category of finances and budgeting, but hasn't been mentioned specifically. I think everyone should have a basic understanding of credit and managing debt. For a lot of kids going off to college, I think it's really easy to sign off on the student loans offered by the financial aid office without really understanding what you're getting yourself into. I think kids should also know about responsible use of credit cards too. I know so many people who got themselves into huge credit card messes when they were young simply because they had no clue what they were doing (it's not FREE money...you have to pay it off!).


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lynsage* 
How about driving? I know of a woman (an acquaintance of people I am close with) in her late 20s whose parents still drive her around. Now THAT is a person who has not been taught life skills. And before anyone asks, no, she is not disabled in any way.

It also shocks me how many adults from two-parent homes I know that never learned to do basic home repairs or yard work because their dads always did it when they were growing up. So now I know adult people with their own houses who can't maintain a mowed lawn or a garden, don't know what poison ivy looks like, and can't change a doorknob or stop a toilet from running. My family was not that way and my dad had me help him do everything around the house so I would know how to do it when I grew up!

My parents refused to let me get my driver's license until I was 18 (and only then because I was working and they were going out of town) I didn't really DRIVE until DH and I were together (he didn't have a license because he couldn't afford insurance) I was in college and had to overcome anxiety behind the wheel because I had never really done it.
I also agree with basic yard work and maintenance. Now, I don't know what poison ivy looks like (something about 3 leaves right?) but I can work a lawn mower and do basic home repairs.







Actually, when DH and I lived with a couple of guys in college *I* was the one that fixed the toilet when the inside of the handle part broke.


----------



## luv-my-boys (Dec 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lynsage* 
It also shocks me how many adults from two-parent homes I know that never learned to do basic home repairs or yard work because their dads always did it when they were growing up.

I guess were lucky because my FIL was a very hands on type of person who made DH help him. He has said that he hated it growing up always helping his dad out but you know what he now knows how to do so much stuff. He says looking back on it he now gets what he father was doing. He now makes the boys listen and "help" (there still too young to really help) but he wants to make sure they know random house stuff as well.

some random things DH has learned from his father that has helped us

drywall, planting trees,and how to do basic plumbing repairs.


----------



## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
In the 21 century, I think elementary schools should teach "Cabling" - explaining to students how to connect all their various computer and "home entertainment system" stuff. (Okay - I'm being facetoius, but it does seem to be morphing into a basic life skill.)

My mom used to call my oldest brother up while he was in school and ask for help.







There was a time when my youngest brothers (twins) had shoved a sandwhich in the VCR. My mom was able to take it apart and get it all cleaned out but when it came to hooking it back up to the tv she got all turned around. She called my brother, in 3rd grade at the time, and had him explain it over the phone.









I'm a DIYer so maybe my thinking on it is different than most but I too am surprised at how little adults know how to do. And not even things that require experience but no brainer stuff. I have a friend who constantly texts me to ask how to do something (recently got one on how to clean up throw up out of a car). We're the same age! Only difference is upbringing. Her parents have a maid (for no real reason...something her mom admits to) and have always been of the mindset it's easier to pay someone else to do it. I grew up with both my parents being very DIY out of preference and neccessity. Seems to be more important to know how to text and picture message than it is to know that baking soda can remove nasty smells from carpet.









YES!!! on the credit!! The school my brother is at offers a student credit card and he thinks it's a great deal. He called to ask my sister about it and only got 2 or 3 sentences into the terms and my sister was basically choking on her tounge over how horrible it really is.


----------



## physmom (Jun 15, 2009)

Cooking and money management definitely top my list. Mostly because it drives me nuts when people waste money by eating out all the time.









Some other things that are important to me:

Health - as in healthy eating (knowing what is good for you and what isn't), teaching the advantages of breastfeeding, exercising regularly, etc.

Household repairs - simple things like how to use a screwdriver or paint the walls

Chores - we plan on having DD do regular chores so she'll have to learn how to laundry, the dishes, etc.

Computer skills - although this one will probably be learned in school but if not she'll learn that at home too


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

It occurs to me that even though I think budgeting is huge, I need to work on this with ds1. He gets an allowance, and knows he has to work within it for certain things. He also gets a clothing allowance in September (back-to-school money from my in-laws and from us). He _may_ get a pack of socks or boxers from us, at some point in the year, but he's on his own for clothes, other than that (and gifts, of course - MIL usually gives him a pair of jeans at Christmas). But, I really haven't talked to him much about budgeting for food. He _has_ come grocery shopping with me - probably hundreds of times, although not so much in the last 3-4 years - but I don't know how much he's picked up by osmosis. Maybe when we get back to meal planning (started doing it in earnest in January, and it fell apart again when we had dd2), I'll pull him in a little, to let him know how it works.


----------



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Ok so once again, not a mom but had awesome parents who taught me a bunch of skills that has made me successful since I moved out three years ago.

Money: paying bills, saving, investing (even if there isn't money to invest, learning how is important), budgeting, how to fill out basic tax forms, banking, check writing, checkbook balancing and even if you (general you) don't use credit cards it is really valuable to know how they work and how easy it is to get into a ton of debt using credit. General money management skills are so incredibly important, but so many of my peers are lacking these skills and I see fallout from this all the time.

Food: knowing how to cook at least basics, good nutrition (even if I don't always do the best at eating healthy I know how to and do a relatively good job), and grocery shopping (this goes under money too I suppose).

Organizational skills: scheduling, keeping a calendar, learning how to manage and prioritize time, keeping a filing cabinet (or box) for important documents and know what is important enough to keep.

Laundry (I don't think I really need to say more here)

cleaning: dusting, vacuuming, mopping floors, and how to clean a bathroom, (you wouldn't believe the number of people who have never ever cleaned a toilet and don't have a clue how)

basic repairs: how to spackle (spelling) the nail holes in your apartment walls is pretty important, how to use a drill, stop a toilet from running or unclog it, i'm sure there's more but these are just a few.

car maintenance is definitely a plus but at the very minimum it's really important to be able to jump-start a car, check tire pressure, and change a tire.

Basic legal rights are also important now I've never even been pulled over for speeding but since I know my rights and what I could be risking if something were to happen I feel like I'm better prepared to make good decisions about the situations I put myself in and the people I choose to hang around with.

When it comes to social skills everyone has said a lot of really important things, but for me the most important thing my parents taught me was communication skills and especially how to politely stand up for myself. This has been so important when dealing with everyone from roommates, friends, professors, and maintenance workers to dealing with the utility companies, landlords and people in administrative positions whether it's at school, or elsewhere.

Oh and one more thing, well maybe it's two, healthy coping skills for relieving stress and when that fails and I'm struggling to just ask for help.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bluebunny* 
I think budgeting is a big one. My parents started us off early by giving us an allowance and requiring that we put a certain percentage in a jar for "savings."

Also, I think learning how to grocery shop is another important thing to know. For instance, my mom would send us to the store with a list and coupons and certain amount of money. We had to learn what were good prices for certain items -- produce, for example. Learning how to follow a list and be mindful of prices has certainly helped me.

I think both of these are GREAT!

I was never taught budgeting. We were never given an allowance, and I never had a savings. I am terrible with budgeting and we suffer financially for it. (my DH claims to be able to budget but he doens't want to.. and he will just not pay bills or will pay the whole thing without making sure the money is there to cover 100% of it so I don't let him)

Grocery shopping.. my mom is a big one to walk down the isles and just pick up what she wanted. She never had menus or lists and every thing we ate came out of a box or can.

I also struggle with this.

I think my mother was raised in a world where my grandmother went in the yard and killed a chicken for dinner and they grew their own food. Enter the 70's where just about anything can be had at the store and she figured these skills would never be needed again. So she didn't use or pass them on.


----------



## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Phone skills. How to make an appointment, order food, etc.

Plus everything mentioned.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 







I agree, being proficient with technology is evolving into a life skill. Thankfully, my computer was color coded (the cord with the green plug goes into the green hole of the same size)

I'm pretty good on the computer stuff. However, we have a DVD/VCR player, a DVD player (we use the other one for playing CDs and for VHS, but it doesn't work very well for DVDs), a Wii, a GameCube, an Atari simulator and...some other unit, all plugged into our TV. We have a switchbox, and we have to have the DVD/VCR and the TV set to certain settings for VHS, and different settings for DVD. I'm okay for a movie, but if dd1 wants to give the Wii a try (she occasionally boxes on it *sigh*), she has to wait for dh or ds1, because I have _no_ idea how the consoles work.

I'm oddly weak on home repair. I learned lots of it when I was younger. (My ex and I painted my whole house when I was 18 - my parents were putting it up for rent, and we made some extra money by working cheap. I've rewired a plug at school. I can change lightbulbs and wield a screwdriver and hammer. I took "industrial education" - shop - in 8th grade, and have even laid out a circuit board, and done soldering. I've hammered in nails and helped rip up old carpets. I've unplugged toilets, and even taken apart the drain for my bathroom sink, in search of a tooth. I've done lots of this stuff.) However, as an adult, I've been renting for almost 20 years. _Most_ of this is done by the landlords. DH is really good on it, and he moved out of his house much more recently than I did, so he has a tendency to just do it. I need to learn again. I hate feeling dependent, and we both prefer to do the little stuff ourselves.


----------



## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1101* 
Social Skills. How to talk to and deal with people politely in day to day life. Man, I've known some who apparently never learned that. I'm not talking about being the most popular person in the world... I'm talking about having the courtesy to open doors for people, and not cuss out old ladies at 7-11.

Yeah to that. I've had so many nice people help me with small kindnesses when I've been out and about with both kids, and it's almost always someone over age 50 taking the time to open doors and such.


----------



## Geofizz (Sep 25, 2003)

Basic health: good diet, exercise. How to deal with a cold, mild fever, bruises and cuts.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lynsage* 
How about driving? I know of a woman (an acquaintance of people I am close with) in her late 20s whose parents still drive her around. Now THAT is a person who has not been taught life skills. And before anyone asks, no, she is not disabled in any way.

How to get from home to where you need to go on a regular basis without a car. How to walk, how to take public transit, how to ride a bike and plan a route.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *major_mama11* 
Yeah to that. I've had so many nice people help me with small kindnesses when I've been out and about with both kids, and it's almost always someone over age 50 taking the time to open doors and such.

I've always held doors, even in my teens. My ex and I used to get funny looks from people, because we'd be at the mall or something with our long hair, heavy make-up (errr...just me), denim vests (his with an Iron Maiden: Number of the Beast backpatch, and mine with a hand-drawn, horned, flaming skull), studded wristbands, etc., but we were holding doors for people with canes or pushing strollers or whatever. It seemed to cause a mental disconnect for a lot of people.


----------



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Oh and how insurance works (deductibles, what types there are, who needs what) and how to deal with issues relating to insurance. This has been especially important to know for health insurance, but also for car insurance, and renters insurance.

Basic first-aid skills (and dealing with illness) are pretty important too, even if it's just how to disinfect a cut, and decide when you really actually need to go to the hospital, or if rest and tea will fix everything.

How to fill out an application and present yourself for a job/school/anything else interview has been pretty useful too.

So many life skills to learn, I'm a little amazed writing out this list that I actually have most if not all of these skills, I'll have to thank my mom and dad.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Geofizz* 
How to get from home to where you need to go on a regular basis without a car. How to walk, how to take public transit, how to ride a bike and plan a route.

This. I had so many people who were stunned that I was a grown, married woman with a full-time job and a child, and I didn't drive. I was equally stunned at how many people couldn't seem to find their way around their own community _without_ a car...and I'm not talking about the kind of area that's laid out to make it almost impossible to function without a car. Vancouver is generally very transit-friendly.


----------



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

I keep thinking of stuff I forgot.

How to read a map was one of the things my mom really stressed was important to me. I guess she wanted me to be able to figure out where I was, where I was going, and how I was going to get there no matter where I ended up.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

My dad filled out the paperwork for me to go to college...He stood over my shoulder while I did the application. HE filled out my student loan stuff. HE did most of it...and the next year (when they weren't speaking to me for various reasons) I had no idea how to reapply for anything. I was so embarrassed. DH was great, though. He walked with me to the student aid office and helped me get help. I vowed never to do that to my children.








DH is also the one that doesn't know how to use a plunger! I thought he was kidding when he told me that. I just tilted my head to the side and said, "It's not hard..." and he said whenever he tries he can't get it to suction right.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 







DH is also the one that doesn't know how to use a plunger! I thought he was kidding when he told me that. I just tilted my head to the side and said, "It's not hard..." and he said whenever he tries he can't get it to suction right.

I have some sympathy with your dh. I've used one successfully on several occasions, but I've definitely had some times where it just doesn't seem to work right, and I can't fix it. Sooooo insanely frustrating!


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I've always held doors, even in my teens. My ex and I used to get funny looks from people, because we'd be at the mall or something with our long hair, heavy make-up (errr...just me), denim vests (his with an Iron Maiden: Number of the Beast backpatch, and mine with a hand-drawn, horned, flaming skull), studded wristbands, etc., but we were holding doors for people with canes or pushing strollers or whatever. It seemed to cause a mental disconnect for a lot of people.









Loving the mental image. Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I had a door shut in my face (even while pregnant or holding a baby) And how many of those time the teens LAUGHED about it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<3mymom* 
Oh and how insurance works (deductibles, what types there are, who needs what) and how to deal with issues relating to insurance. This has been especially important to know for health insurance, but also for car insurance, and renters insurance.

Basic first-aid skills (and dealing with illness) are pretty important too, even if it's just how to disinfect a cut, and decide when you really actually need to go to the hospital, or if rest and tea will fix everything.

How to fill out an application and present yourself for a job/school/anything else interview has been pretty useful too.

So many life skills to learn, I'm a little amazed writing out this list that I actually have most if not all of these skills, I'll have to thank my mom and dad.

Yep yep yep. A BIG one on the job stuff. DH and I had to explain a lot of that to his brothers.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<3mymom* 
I keep thinking of stuff I forgot.

How to read a map was one of the things my mom really stressed was important to me. I guess she wanted me to be able to figure out where I was, where I was going, and how I was going to get there no matter where I ended up.

YES! A MAP not a GPS!


----------



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Fillling out applications especially for financial stuff can be really tricky, especially the FAFSA..... oh man that one is near impossible. I've never actually had to do it for myself, but I've done it for 3 other people and it took a lot of time to figure out what information they actually wanted. Now I'm pretty darn good at it, but that had a bit of a learning curve.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I have some sympathy with your dh. I've used one successfully on several occasions, but I've definitely had some times where it just doesn't seem to work right, and I can't fix it. Sooooo insanely frustrating!

My parents owned their on janitorial company while I was growing up...so the cleaning stuff was something I just DID as a kid. (Child labor laws be damned!







)


----------



## GreenGranolaMama (Jul 15, 2009)

What a fabulous thread







When I started college and moved out of my parents place and into my first apartment, I had no idea what I was doing!!!

I didn't know how to cook, grocery shop, and had never cleaned a bathroom in my entire life... needless to say, I have come a LONG way! Thankfully, the budgeting thing came naturally. My sister and I were raised by my Dad, he is such an amazing person... but cooking, cleaning (beyond the basics) and doing hair are not his things!


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've worked as an administration clerk, an accounting clerk and an operations clerk. I'm _very_ good at all of them. I still find many application forms _really_ confusing. Ironically, it's because I'm detail oriented. I get too concerned about making sure I get it all right. DH does it on a wing and a prayer and never has a problem. Grrr...

I've got ds1 covered on maps. I make him navigate whenever he's in the passenger seat.


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

this has been a hot button issue with me ever since I had a friend move in with me (in her mid 20's) who:
*couldn't make anything more complicated than deluxe mac n cheese (the kind with the sauce packet- basically boiling water is the only "skill" here) or scrambled eggs.
*she didn't know how to do laundry. asked me to DO HER LAUNDRY! not show her how, do it.
*she didn't drive (she was caught going drunk to drivers ed at 15- which is another thread unto itself.. ) even though she was constantly asking-no, demanding- rides every where she had to go, which is fine if you live in a big urban place with great public transportation, which leads me to...
*she didn't know how to read a bus schedule or even take a bus by herself
couldn't return library books on time (taken out with my card- and then wouldn't pay the fines because it was my fault I didn't drive her to the library. grr)
*had never had a bank account (my elementary school helped us all open savings accounts in like 3rd grade- we had bank books and had to keep track of our own accounts, so no bank account really floored me)
*couldn't buy a dress for herself (she was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and when i told her what dress to buy- out of a catalouge- she said "ok, well let me know when you're going to buy it")

this whole situation was quite baffling, and i'm still not quite sure how it even came to be.
Her mom babied the heck out of her, but she hadn't lived with her mom since she was 14. her dad wasn't the coddling type, which only leaves her other friends or her older sister. I can't even fathom babying anyone like that, especially a friend, for over 10 years! she is a masterful manipulator, so maybe that had something to do with it.

My children will NOT be like that. They will learn to be productive and self sufficient as well as they can. My brother and I were doing our own laundry at 8 or 9, we were incharge of selecting a recipe, doing the shopping for the recipe (parents paid of course) prepping, and cooking 1 family dinner a week since we were young teens.

my pet peeve is moms who do everything for their kids thinking they are being "nice". you are not doing your kids any favors by still cutting up his meat or tying his shoes at 9 years old! (obviously, special needs is different!)

** that roommate situation ended badly and I wish it had never happened. She didn't grow up, by the way, just found a boyfriend who would continue babying her. sad for her.


----------



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

You know another big one is a good work ethic. I'm not sure if that's necessarily a skill but I think my parents played a huge role in teaching me to have a good work ethic which has been super helpful in college for the school work or part-time jobs.

Oh and whoever has said sewing, that's definitely been a skill I've used probably once a week at least. I even got a part-time job in my first week of school because I was talking to the owner of a store who was worrying about a skirt that had been damaged, I offered to fix it and she hired me to do that and help around the store.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<3mymom* 
Oh and whoever has said sewing, that's definitely been a skill I've used probably once a week at least. I even got a part-time job in my first week of school because I was talking to the owner of a store who was worrying about a skirt that had been damaged, I offered to fix it and she hired me to do that and help around the store.

I worked in the costume shop in college theatre. It was amazing how many people couldn't sew on a button. When I came in the instructor asked if I'd ever sewn before (yes, at home by hand and I took a class in high school) and was AMAZED that I could sew a straight seam on a machine....


----------



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I worked in the costume shop in college theatre. It was amazing how many people couldn't sew on a button. When I came in the instructor asked if I'd ever sewn before (yes, at home by hand and I took a class in high school) and was AMAZED that I could sew a straight seam on a machine....

Yea I actually worked in costume shop at a college when I was in highschool. Everyone was quite impressed with my sewing skills and I learned how to make patterns which has been really useful too.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *<3mymom* 
Yea I actually worked in costume shop at a college when I was in highschool. Everyone was quite impressed with my sewing skills and I learned how to make patterns which has been really useful too.

I can follow a pattern...but MAKE one? I'm jealous!


----------



## <3mymom (Oct 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I can follow a pattern...but MAKE one? I'm jealous!

The Costume Technician's Handbook by Rosemary Ingham has really good and pretty easy instructions for pattern making. It's basically just a matter of getting the right measurments of a person and knowing how to use those to draw some lines.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I worked in the costume shop in college theatre. It was amazing how many people couldn't sew on a button. When I came in the instructor asked if I'd ever sewn before (yes, at home by hand and I took a class in high school) and was AMAZED that I could sew a straight seam on a machine....

I _hate_ sewing. I have sewn on a button, but it's been a long, long time. If I have to, I can sew up a very small tear, but it's not neat. I've sewn up multiple popped seams, and even some patches, but they're also not neat. I just find sewing insanely stressful. I think I get that from my mom. She could sew clothes (and did, when we were kids), but she never liked sewing. DS1 is learning some _very_ basic sewing, but I can't teach him any more than that.

I don't think the local high school even offers sewing, anymore. They used to offer a choice, in 8th grade, between industrial education (at that time, that was introductory metalwork, woodwork, drafting and electronics) and home education (cooking and sewing). I chose IE, because I didn't want to sew! I've never used a sewing machine. My ex was pretty good with a needle and thread, because he learned in cadets...but he didn't like it, either!

I think I'm going to farm out sewing instruction for my kids, or I'm going to have to learn myself. *gulp*


----------



## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Reading this list is making me crack up.







I learned little to none in the life skills department from my mom. It is amazing that I didn't mess up my life royally when I moved out at 18. I couldn't cook, barely could clean, had never paid a bill or managed my own money, DH taught me to drive for real, didn't know how to do laundry, grocery shop or change a tire. I could read a map and sew on a button.

Knowing how to negotiate is a huge life skill. From bargaining at a garage sale or car dealership to negotiating pay on the job or who is going to take out the trash this week.

How to argue/disagree effectively. My parents screamed and yelled and then resummed pouting and nagging, but accomplished nothing. Learning to talk through an issue with friends, neighbors, partners or kids and reach concensus or compromise is super important to a happy life.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I _hate_ sewing. I have sewn on a button, but it's been a long, long time. If I have to, I can sew up a very small tear, but it's not neat. I've sewn up multiple popped seams, and even some patches, but they're also not neat. I just find sewing insanely stressful. I think I get that from my mom. She could sew clothes (and did, when we were kids), but she never liked sewing. DS1 is learning some _very_ basic sewing, but I can't teach him any more than that.

I don't think the local high school even offers sewing, anymore. They used to offer a choice, in 8th grade, between industrial education (at that time, that was introductory metalwork, woodwork, drafting and electronics) and home education (cooking and sewing). I chose IE, because I didn't want to sew! I've never used a sewing machine. My ex was pretty good with a needle and thread, because he learned in cadets...but he didn't like it, either!

I think I'm going to farm out sewing instruction for my kids, or I'm going to have to learn myself. *gulp*

The class I took was a home ec type class. We had 1/2 a semester of sewing and 1/2 a semester of cooking. It was really useful.
And, I'm not saying you have to be a seamstress! What you can do is what I'm talking about...basic, quick fixes until you can get it done better. Like, if you're at church and the button on your blouse pops off you should know how to fix it in the bathroom.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
How to argue/disagree effectively. My parents screamed and yelled and then resummed pouting and nagging, but accomplished nothing. Learning to talk through an issue with friends, neighbors, partners or kids and reach concensus or compromise is super important to a happy life.

Agree. I learned what NOT to do by observing my parents


----------



## hermionesmum (Feb 8, 2007)

Since I first came to MDC dealing with PTSD after a horrible first birth experience, how to be politely assertive; to have certain expectations of medical and other professionals, and how to proceed if they are not met is pretty high on my list.

I also agree with the home and money management ideas.


----------



## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1101* 
Social Skills. How to talk to and deal with people politely in day to day life. Man, I've known some who apparently never learned that. I'm not talking about being the most popular person in the world... I'm talking about having the courtesy to open doors for people, and not cuss out old ladies at 7-11.

Social Skills is a big one. And not just because of some people who are deliberately rude, but so many teens just have no clue. They don't know how to carry on a polite conversation because all they do with their friends is text.

How to manage a bank account would be the one thing I should have learned before I went to college.


----------



## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Birth control, safe sex, how to recognize a toxic or abusive relationship.

How to talk out the important things before you decide to have kids with someone, and how not to have kids until you are ready.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
Birth control, safe sex, how to recognize a toxic or abusive relationship.

How to talk out the important things before you decide to have kids with someone, and how not to have kids until you are ready.

Good ones. I didn't even think about these.


----------



## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Lots of great suggestions already posted. I'm adding to the list:

Basic first aid and safety procedures (ready your home with working flashlights, fire extinguishers, carbon monoxide and smoke detectors.

Swimming, skating and bicycling

Booking airline tickets, going through customs and immigration, checking into a hotel, packing for travel

Street safety (paying attention to surroundings, walking with confidence, how to hold your purse, learn a few self-defense moves)

How to skip a stone and juggle

And a few finer details, which may or may not apply depending on lifestyle:

How to use chopsticks

How to manage different foods - open a pomegranate, dice a mango, crack/peel shellfish (crab, lobster, prawns), uncork wine

Use an axe or hatchet, cut firewood, build a fire

Strip paint, prep for new paint, fix holes in drywall, and painting walls and crown molding

Hang pictures or artwork or shelves


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
How to skip a stone and juggle

And a few finer details, which may or may not apply depending on lifestyle:

How to use chopsticks

How to manage different foods - open a pomegranate, dice a mango, crack/peel shellfish (crab, lobster, prawns), uncork wine

Use an axe or hatchet, cut firewood, build a fire

Strip paint, prep for new paint, fix holes in drywall, and painting walls and crown molding

Hang pictures or artwork or shelves

I can't decide if some of these are joking or serious. Skip a stone and juggle? As for shellfish.. I don't like them so I have no need to know how to crack or peel them. The same goes for pomegranates.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I think our definitions of "basic" are a little different. In any case, this caveat:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
And a few finer details, which may or may not apply depending on lifestyle:

strongly applies to all this, imo:

Quote:

skating and bicycling

Booking airline tickets, going through customs and immigration, checking into a hotel, packing for travel
I can't skate (and probably won't try again - I don't enjoy it, and it stresses me out). I didn't ride a bike for almost 20 years. If dh's family weren't so far away, and if he didn't want to travel, I'd never get on a plane, and I don't even like staying in hotels. I managed quite well without these "basic" skills well into my 30s. I think they're good things to learn, and I think bicycling is awesome (even though I suck at it, and don't like traffic even a little bit). But, I don't think any of these things are _basic_.

Quote:

Swimming,
This is probably the only original (ie. other posters haven't already covered it) that I'd call basic, and think everyone should learn. I hadn't thought of it, but it's really important, imo. One never knows when they could end up unexpectedly near water, and this is a survival skill.


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
<swimming>
This is probably the only original (ie. other posters haven't already covered it) that I'd call basic, and think everyone should learn. I hadn't thought of it, but it's really important, imo. One never knows when they could end up unexpectedly near water, and this is a survival skill.

I have read most of the replies, but has general survival skills been mentioned?
how to build a fire, tie some basic knots, read a compass, how to find fresh water, basics of edible plants/mushrooms/berries, etc etc (i have seen many an episode of survivorman.. can you tell??)

you never know when your car is going to break down in the middle of nowhere..

one thing I wish I were better at is keeping a tidy home. I had chores and things as a kid, but somehow keeping a neat and decluttered home didn't sink in. Any ideas on how to get a kid to learn to value being tidy??


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
one thing I wish I were better at is keeping a tidy home. I had chores and things as a kid, but somehow keeping a neat and decluttered home didn't sink in. Any ideas on how to get a kid to learn to value being tidy??

I don't know how you would go about teaching a child a skill you don't yourself possess. To me.. it would seem hypocritical if you try to teach your child the "value of being tidy" but you don't practice it yourself. Ya know?


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I don't know how you would go about teaching a child a skill you don't yourself possess. To me.. it would seem hypocritical if you try to teach your child the "value of being tidy" but you don't practice it yourself. Ya know?

right- I aspire to be a better home-keeper! so you think that just keeping a tidy home will help a child learn to do so as well?
my childhood home was not cluttery.. just my bedroom! so I don't know.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
right- I aspire to be a better home-keeper! so you think that just keeping a tidy home will help a child learn to do so as well?
my childhood home was not cluttery.. just my bedroom! so I don't know.

I don't know. My childhood home was not clean.. neither is mine now. However my DH grew up in a clean home and had chores. His mother taught him how to keep things tidy. But he does not practice this at all.

He is as bad as the kids about leaving clothes laying all over the place (why do we take off our cloths in the family room anyway people!?!) And I have really had to get on to him in the last several days to clean up his spills. Spilling apple juice on the floor and just walking off and leaving it.. dropping pineapple on the floor getting it all over the cupboard doors and leaving it until I gave him a rag and a spray bottle and told him to clean up his mess!

So.. I don't think just keeping a clean home or teaching them how to keep things clean will make any difference. I don't know what would/does. A housekeeper maybe?









I think it all comes down to personality traits honestly. Some people like to clean.. some people do not! Dyslexics like things all out in the open (ie.. all over the floor, tables, ect) where they can find it.. other people that drives them insane!

My mother was big at just shoving things in drawers, boxes, ect and hiding them. That drives me CRAZY! I would rather things be out where I can find them than crammed in some random place where I will never find them again!! (my mom often re bought things she already owned becuase she had no idea where it was.)


----------



## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Geofizz* 
How to get from home to where you need to go on a regular basis without a car. How to walk, how to take public transit, how to ride a bike and plan a route.

This too! I have asked numerous questions about the aforementioned young woman's access to public transportation, bike paths, etc. and the answer has consistently been that she either won't use them or doesn't know how. It freaks me out!


----------



## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Great thread! Everything I'd put on the list has already been mentioned, except one, the one I was most appalled that some of the 50 women on my dorm floor did not have:

How to use a bathroom courteously and clean up after yourself enough to account for the fact that the bathroom is professionally cleaned only once every 48 hours. I mean, it seems to me that that is more than adequately frequent cleaning, yet that bathroom sometimes bordered on unusable. The girls who'd grown up with maids figured it was normal to drop wet towels, tampon applicators, and stained panties on the floor and just leave them there expecting them to magically disappear.


----------



## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I can't decide if some of these are joking or serious. Skip a stone and juggle? As for shellfish.. I don't like them so I have no need to know how to crack or peel them. The same goes for pomegranates.










Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I think our definitions of "basic" are a little different. In any case, this caveat:

strongly applies to all this, imo:

I can't skate (and probably won't try again - I don't enjoy it, and it stresses me out). I didn't ride a bike for almost 20 years. If dh's family weren't so far away, and if he didn't want to travel, I'd never get on a plane, and I don't even like staying in hotels. I managed quite well without these "basic" skills well into my 30s. I think they're good things to learn, and I think bicycling is awesome (even though I suck at it, and don't like traffic even a little bit). But, I don't think any of these things are _basic_.

This is probably the only original (ie. other posters haven't already covered it) that I'd call basic, and think everyone should learn. I hadn't thought of it, but it's really important, imo. One never knows when they could end up unexpectedly near water, and this is a survival skill.

I'm semi-serious about my list. Everyone will have different ideas on skills they want their children to have.

First I was thinking of the fun and happy skills I wanted them to acquire. Swimming, skating and bicycling are all important to us. Living in a cold climate and being unable to skate is just sad, IMO. It's limiting, and sidelines that person from a lot of fun. The fun things reminded me of skipping stones and juggling...they seem like basic childhood skills to me.

I included the food related items because I've known a few embarrassed people at dinner parties who've been confronted for the first time with shellfish or something else that isn't meatloaf or potatoes. Especially if it's a business dinner, it's been excruciating for them.

I know one mid-Western freshman, during his first term of college (and first time away from home) who had to explain to his university professor, a few upperclass and grad students that his family only ever ate meat and potatoes. No green stuff. Ever. He didn't know what to do with his salad. That kid was labelled for the rest of his undergrad degree. They were kind to him, but I don't think he ever lived down his reputation as a hayseed.

I want my children to be adventurous eaters because I think it's healthy to be open to different things. I also want them to be confident in social situations.

As for the travel - we travel a fair amount. Yes, these days I think it's a pretty basic skill. Lots of uni students head off during their holidays. They should be as safe, aware, and informed traveling on vacation as they are on the cross-town bus.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
I have read most of the replies, but has general survival skills been mentioned?
how to build a fire, tie some basic knots, read a compass, how to find fresh water, basics of edible plants/mushrooms/berries, etc etc (i have seen many an episode of survivorman.. can you tell??)


I included chop wood and build a fire in my original post. I was thinking of including survival skills, but thought it would be beyond the basics, lol! As you can see, most of the rest of the post has been jumped on, but not that one!


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
Great thread! Everything I'd put on the list has already been mentioned, except one, the one I was most appalled that some of the 50 women on my dorm floor did not have:

How to use a bathroom courteously and clean up after yourself enough to account for the fact that the bathroom is professionally cleaned only once every 48 hours. I mean, it seems to me that that is more than adequately frequent cleaning, yet that bathroom sometimes bordered on unusable. The girls who'd grown up with maids figured it was normal to drop wet towels, tampon applicators, and stained panties on the floor and just leave them there expecting them to magically disappear.









I'm nodding. I've cleaned many a woman's bathroom and wanted to puke...at least with men it's usually just pee everywhere.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lynsage* 
This too! I have asked numerous questions about the aforementioned young woman's access to public transportation, bike paths, etc. and the answer has consistently been that she either won't use them or doesn't know how. It freaks me out!

I have never used public transit. (well I have taken the train with Dh to places now that we live in Portland but never by myself.) I grew up in an area where it did not exist so there was nothing to learn. When DH and I got married we lived in a place with buses but I am not going to hop on a bus that takes 2 hours to go 15 miles.

Is it possible this person doens't know how to uses it becuase it didn't exist where she was from (not uncommon in the US) so there was nothing to learn?


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
I'm semi-serious about my list. Everyone will have different ideas on skills they want their children to have.

First I was thinking of the fun and happy skills I wanted them to acquire. Swimming, skating and bicycling are all important to us. Living in a cold climate and being unable to skate is just sad, IMO. It's limiting, and sidelines that person from a lot of fun. The fun things reminded me of skipping stones and juggling...they seem like basic childhood skills to me.

I included the food related items because I've known a few embarrassed people at dinner parties who've been confronted for the first time with shellfish or something else that isn't meatloaf or potatoes. Especially if it's a business dinner, it's been excruciating for them.

I know one mid-Western freshman, during his first term of college (and first time away from home) who had to explain to his university professor, a few upperclass and grad students that his family only ever ate meat and potatoes. No green stuff. Ever. He didn't know what to do with his salad. That kid was labelled for the rest of his undergrad degree. They were kind to him, but I don't think he ever lived down his reputation as a hayseed.

I want my children to be adventurous eaters because I think it's healthy to be open to different things. I also want them to be confident in social situations.

As for the travel - we travel a fair amount. Yes, these days I think it's a pretty basic skill. Lots of uni students head off during their holidays. They should be as safe, aware, and informed traveling on vacation as they are on the cross-town bus.

I included chop wood and build a fire in my original post. I was thinking of including survival skills, but thought it would be beyond the basics, lol! As you can see, most of the rest of the post has been jumped on, but not that one!

I don't know anyone who can juggle and very few people who can skip stones. If you aren't around water much.. it's not a skill you are going to pick up.

Also from this post it sounds like you are talking about ice skating. You just said skating which I interpreted to mean roller skating. That would not be a basic skill since the ONLY ice rink I know if is in downtown Portland at least an hour away. It's not a very important skill here as there is no place to do it. Roller skating at least you can do on the street.. but again.. isn't very big here.

I have to admit.. I am 38 and I have never had the occasion to eat lobster or other shell fish at a business function. I have never seen it served. DH took me to Red Lobster once and it was gross. He insists I need to try lobster somewhere "real" before deciding I don't like it.. but I am hesitant to fork out big bucks to try something I didn't like the last time I tried it.

As for your children being confident in social situations.. that is a good goal.. however.. DH's mom is as she calls herself "a social butterfly" he resents his mother for all the "social" stuff she FORCED him with threats to learn. Things he has never in his life needed or used again and things he hated every single minute of being tortured with learning. Just remember being socially active is a personality preference and please be mindful of your children's desires to not participate in things you like.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
The girls who'd grown up with maids figured it was normal to drop wet towels, tampon applicators, and stained panties on the floor and just leave them there expecting them to magically disappear.









That. is. disgusting.


----------



## lynsage (Jul 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I have never used public transit. (well I have taken the train with Dh to places now that we live in Portland but never by myself.) I grew up in an area where it did not exist so there was nothing to learn. When DH and I got married we lived in a place with buses but I am not going to hop on a bus that takes 2 hours to go 15 miles.

Is it possible this person doens't know how to uses it becuase it didn't exist where she was from (not uncommon in the US) so there was nothing to learn?


I don't want to hijack the thread complaining about this perplexing individual, but she grew up with the same access as everyone else in her town to the local public transit and just refuses to learn how to use it, knows how to ride a bike, and knows how to walk- she just doesn't. The one story I have heard in which someone managed to make her walk more than a few yards by dropping her off at the corner of the main road and her street because her street was unexpectedly blocked to car traffic, she was extremely indignant and behaved as if she was being asked to do something highly degrading.

Basically she is just an extremely dependent, manipulative person who protects herself from being expected to function like an adult by not learning basic life skills. And because her parents have never insisted that she learn them, she is now approaching 30 and has never supported herself and probably never will.


----------



## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I don't know anyone who can juggle and very few people who can skip stones. If you aren't around water much.. it's not a skill you are going to pick up.

Also from this post it sounds like you are talking about ice skating. You just said skating which I interpreted to mean roller skating. That would not be a basic skill since the ONLY ice rink I know if is in downtown Portland at least an hour away. It's not a very important skill here as there is no place to do it. Roller skating at least you can do on the street.. but again.. isn't very big here.

I have to admit.. I am 38 and I have never had the occasion to eat lobster or other shell fish at a business function. I have never seen it served. DH took me to Red Lobster once and it was gross. He insists I need to try lobster somewhere "real" before deciding I don't like it.. but I am hesitant to fork out big bucks to try something I didn't like the last time I tried it.

As for your children being confident in social situations.. that is a good goal.. however.. DH's mom is as she calls herself "a social butterfly" he resents his mother for all the "social" stuff she FORCED him with threats to learn. Things he has never in his life needed or used again and things he hated every single minute of being tortured with learning. *Just remember being socially active is a personality preference and please be mindful of your children's desires to not participate in things you like*.


I think that should work both ways. People should be mindful of their child's desires to try things, and enjoy them, even if their parents don't like them. I'm sad thinking that a child doesn't get to eat lobster or prawns just because Mom or Dad doesn't like shellfish, or pomegranate, which is fun to crunch like popcorn and packed full of healthy antioxidants or any other food.

It's sad that your dh was tortured. Perhaps I'm lucky that my dc enjoy different social occasions and experiences. Or perhaps it's a difference in parenting style. I don't force food on my children if they don't want to eat it. I invite them to try new things. We travel, so they have developed a taste for different types of food. In a global village, it's an important - yes basic - skill to us. YMMV.

I have been at dinners and watched people struggle with the food presented to them. If you haven't, it's nice that you've avoided it.

As for the rest, I'm wondering now. Was the OP inviting us to post lists that are relevant to our individual families and geographic locations, or lists that are only relevant to Portland?


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
I'm semi-serious about my list. Everyone will have different ideas on skills they want their children to have.

But, we're not talking about skills we _want_ our children to have. We're talking about basic life skills - ones it's hard to function and/or survive without.

Quote:

First I was thinking of the fun and happy skills I wanted them to acquire. Swimming, skating and bicycling are all important to us. Living in a cold climate and being unable to skate is just sad, IMO. It's limiting, and sidelines that person from a lot of fun. The fun things reminded me of skipping stones and juggling...they seem like basic childhood skills to me.
Okay - but being sidelined from something fun is a choice, to some extent. If someone really finds they're missing out by not being able to swim, skate or cycle, they can learn. (I got back on a bike again in '02, after not having ridden one _at all_ since about...'82, maybe '81. I didn't learn in the first place until I was 12, and didn't feel any lack.) Not being able to skate might be "sad", but I can't. I've tried. That doesn't make me feel sidelined - but having people push me about it sometimes did. Skipping stones? It might be "basic", but I never managed to master it, either. We used to skip stones all the time when I was a kid. I managed to get mine to hit three times - _once_. The only kids I've ever known who could juggle were my ex, and ds1 (who learned at about 10, and only because I remembered his dad doing it, and thought he might like it).

Quote:

I included the food related items because I've known a few embarrassed people at dinner parties who've been confronted for the first time with shellfish or something else that isn't meatloaf or potatoes. Especially if it's a business dinner, it's been excruciating for them.

I know one mid-Western freshman, during his first term of college (and first time away from home) who had to explain to his university professor, a few upperclass and grad students that his family only ever ate meat and potatoes. No green stuff. Ever. He didn't know what to do with his salad. That kid was labelled for the rest of his undergrad degree. They were kind to him, but I don't think he ever lived down his reputation as a hayseed.
hmm....maybe a "basic" skill should be avoiding the labeling of someone, based on what his parents fed him when he was growing up.

Quote:

I want my children to be adventurous eaters because I think it's healthy to be open to different things. I also want them to be confident in social situations.
I want that for my kids, too. That said, I won't eat lobster, because I'm pretty sure I'd like it, and I have zero interest in deliberately acquiring a taste for something that expensive.

Quote:

As for the travel - we travel a fair amount. Yes, these days I think it's a pretty basic skill. Lots of uni students head off during their holidays. They should be as safe, aware, and informed traveling on vacation as they are on the cross-town bus.
Lots of people aren't uni students. In any case, I know far too many people who don't travel to consider it "basic".

Quote:

I included chop wood and build a fire in my original post. I was thinking of including survival skills, but thought it would be beyond the basics, lol! As you can see, most of the rest of the post has been jumped on, but not that one!
I think it's kind of funny that you consider juggling and using chopsticks to be "basic", but not simple survival skills. I don't have as many of those as I'd like, but they are pretty basic, for the most part.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I have to admit.. I am 38 and I have never had the occasion to eat lobster or other shell fish at a business function. I have never seen it served.

Neither have I. Around here, it's fairly standard to have 2-3 options, and they're almost always some kind of red meat (roast or steak or some such), a chicken dish and a salmon dish.

Quote:

DH took me to Red Lobster once and it was gross. He insists I need to try lobster somewhere "real" before deciding I don't like it.. but I am hesitant to fork out big bucks to try something I didn't like the last time I tried it.
I can understand that. As I said above, I have completely different reasons for avoiding lobster...but I do love crab!


----------



## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
Birth control, safe sex, how to recognize a toxic or abusive relationship.

How to talk out the important things before you decide to have kids with someone, and how not to have kids until you are ready.

This. (how to recognize a toxic or abusive relationship)
I could chop wood, repair an engine, cook and bake most anything, sew, budget for groceries, pump my own gas, do laundry, heck I could even skip stones like you wouldn't believe! But have a relationship with any guy who wasn't (at best) 'only' verbally abusive or 'only' did hard drugs on the weekends or 'only' was a little bit insane, forget about it! I was completely clueless.

Birth control too, would you believe that I actually thought that if you disolved two pills in ginger ale and drank it right after having sex you wouldn't get pregnant??!!


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
I think that should work both ways. People should be mindful of their child's desires to try things, and enjoy them, even if their parents don't like them. I'm sad thinking that a child doesn't get to eat lobster or prawns just because Mom or Dad doesn't like shellfish, or pomegranate, which is fun to crunch like popcorn and packed full of healthy antioxidants or any other food.

I agree, but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything posted in this thread.

Quote:

Perhaps I'm lucky that my dc enjoy different social occasions and experiences.
Yes. You are. I hated being put into different social occasions as a child (still don't care for it). DD1 also hates it. Exposing her to new and different social opportunities is a constant balancing act, and _very_ difficult to navigate. I have no idea if I'll be able to pull of making her _confident_ about them! (I know I'm not, and never have been. Most social occasions, for me, are a source of stress.)

Quote:

I have been at dinners and watched people struggle with the food presented to them. If you haven't, it's nice that you've avoided it.
I've avoided it, too...but I go to very few dinners, in the sense that you mean. I wouldn't struggle with the food, but I wouldn't want to be there, in the first place.

Quote:

As for the rest, I'm wondering now. Was the OP inviting us to post lists that are relevant to our individual families and geographic locations, or lists that are only relevant to Portland?
I'm confused about what you're getting at here. You posted some very specific items, as well. Your reference to the "global village" and talk about travel are specific to you, just as much as aniT is posting things specific to Portland. Obviously, we're all going to have somewhat different views, based on what we see as basic. Several people have mentioned driving and car maintenance and such - that's only basic if you get around with a car. Sure, most people do, but not _everybody_, so it's not basic for everybody, yk?


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
I think that should work both ways. People should be mindful of their child's desires to try things, and enjoy them, even if their parents don't like them. I'm sad thinking that a child doesn't get to eat lobster or prawns just because Mom or Dad doesn't like shellfish, or pomegranate, which is fun to crunch like popcorn and packed full of healthy antioxidants or any other food.

It's sad that your dh was tortured. Perhaps I'm lucky that my dc enjoy different social occasions and experiences. Or perhaps it's a difference in parenting style. I don't force food on my children if they don't want to eat it. I invite them to try new things. We travel, so they have developed a taste for different types of food. In a global village, it's an important - yes basic - skill to us. YMMV.

I have been at dinners and watched people struggle with the food presented to them. If you haven't, it's nice that you've avoided it.

As for the rest, I'm wondering now. Was the OP inviting us to post lists that are relevant to our individual families and geographic locations, or lists that are only relevant to Portland?

I grew up in California. No ice rink there either. I think the OP was inviting us to post general life skills that a person would need to learn to function in society. A person does not need to learn how to ice skate, eat lobster, or skip stones to function in society.

A person however does need to know how to balance a check book, do their laundry, and cook food.









Also, my children don't get lobster for the same reason I didn't. It cost too much money. Some of your answers just seem.. kind of privileged to me.

I am not advocating that you don't let your children do things they want to do because you don't like them. I spent my childhood doing nothing. Either becuase of money or because my mother didn't want to. My husband was forced to do things he didn't want to do because he mother thought they were skills he needed to learn (I wasn't talking about food, I was talking about activities she liked and forced her children to learn participate in, for instance tap dancing, ball room dancing, violin.) I am simply pointing out one side of the issue and hoping a happy medium somewhere along the line can be reached.


----------



## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
But, we're not talking about skills we _want_ our children to have. We're talking about basic life skills - ones it's hard to function and/or survive without.
I think it's hard to function and/or survive without a sense of fun and adventure. The skipping stones and juggling were supposed to be fun suggestions. It's too bad they seem to have riled some people.

Okay - but being sidelined from something fun is a choice, to some extent. If someone really finds they're missing out by not being able to swim, skate or cycle, they can learn.

True, true. People can learn any skill - laundry, cooking, home repair, budgeting - if they think they are missing out. They don't have to learn them before they move out. It just means they're better prepared if they do. Just like learning a few things like swimming, skating and cycling can help them prepare if they find themselves on a beach, or invited to a skating party, or living in a town with terrible public transit.

Lots of people aren't uni students. In any case, I know far too many people who don't travel to consider it "basic".

I know many people who travel all the time. YMMV

I think it's kind of funny that you consider juggling and using chopsticks to be "basic", but not simple survival skills. I don't have as many of those as I'd like, but they are pretty basic, for the most part.

If you've lived in Asia, then using chopsticks is pretty basic. There's about a billion people who agree with me on this one










....


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
....

Sure you could learn life skills later in life.. after screwing up your finances and what not. But I thought the whole point of this thread was to find out what life skills everyone thought their children should learn BEFORE they left home so they were not negatively impacted as young adults. Not knowing how to skate is not going to hurt them as an adult.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:

I think it's hard to function and/or survive without a sense of fun and adventure. The skipping stones and juggling were supposed to be fun suggestions. It's too bad they seem to have riled some people.
Many, many people function without a sense of fun or adventure. That said, I actually agree with you to the extent that I'd hate to see any of my kids lacking those things. But, it's very, very possible to have a sense of fun and adventure without it being tied to any one (or two) particular skills/abilities. And, if you're referring to me, I'm not even remotely "riled". I just think they're a very strange thing to refer to as "basic". DS1 is a very, very social, friendly kid. He doesn't know a _single_ other student in his high school who juggles - but plenty of them have fun and are adventurous.

Quote:

True, true. People can learn any skill - laundry, cooking, home repair, budgeting - if they think they are missing out. They don't have to learn them before they move out. It just means they're better prepared if they do. Just like learning a few things like swimming, skating and cycling can help them prepare if they find themselves on a beach, or invited to a skating party, or living in a town with terrible public transit.
I guess I'm not being clear. We're talking about basic life skills people need to function and "should" learn before moving out of the house. Laundry, cooking, etc. are basic skills people need to function. Skating and cycling aren't. Yes - they can add to people's lives - but that's the point. They're _additional_ - they aren't basic.

Quote:

I know many people who travel all the time. YMMV
What's your point? Many people travel all the time...but many people _don't_. People don't _need_ to know how to fill out customs forms or register for a hotel in order to function. (I'm 41. The first time I registered at a hotel was in...2006.)

Quote:

If you've lived in Asia, then using chopsticks is pretty basic. There's about a billion people who agree with me on this one
Okay - but most of the people here don't live in Asia. I don't get how you can quibble with aniT posting things "specific to Portland", and then bring up something that's only a basic in a completely different culture and part of the world. (I can use chopsticks, but not well. DS1 is pretty good at it.)

I have no problem with any of the things you've posted. I just can't see any way in which most of them can be considered _basic_, when so many people function just fine without them.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

I don't even think I was posting something specific to Portland. I don't think ice rinks are common enough, on the west coast at least, that ice skating would be considered a life skill in any way shape or form. Also the poster just said skating. I thought she was talking about roller skating.


----------



## seaheroine (Dec 24, 2004)

I agree with most of what has been posted.

Especially cleaning -- and doing a thorough job the first time! I've worked with so many people who put in such a sorry effort on cleaning things. It drives.me.nuts. Like sweeping well before mopping (hi, DH!), correctly cleaning a toilet, loading a dishwasher, etc.

What to do in ambiguous situations -- talking about things like drinking, sex, peer pressure, being in a scary situation when drinking, carjacking, etc. Basic safety stuff. Being "aware" of surroundings, etc.

Recognizing dangerous plants and insects/animals -- and what to do if you've been bitten/stung/etc. Basic first aid safety/fire safety/earthquakes, etc.

I would definitely add navigating an airport. I had to do as a very young person and was glad I'd been introduced to the concept of connecting flights, etc.

ALLLL the financial stuff, for certain.

etc. etc. etc.


----------



## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

This is one of the most usefu threads I've read here in a while!!! THANKS!


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seaheroine* 
I would definitely add navigating an airport. I had to do as a very young person and was glad I'd been introduced to the concept of connecting flights, etc.

How you can teach someone to navigate an airport if you don't actually fly anywhere, though? Honestly, I don't think "navigating _an_ airport" is all that useful, in some ways. I know Vancouver airport inside out - I know the trick gate (we have a weird one, where the sign and most of the seats are on the other side of a glass wall from the actual boarding gate), and I know the departure and arrivals areas very well. That did _squat_ for me the first time I had to find my way around SeaTac...and Ohare...and Atlanta. I need to navigate the particular airport I'm at, and they're not all set up the same way.


----------



## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

It's interesting to me the different life skills posters consider useful in their culture, community or to the situations they (or their children) expect to encounter within their SES.

Even balancing a checkbook is actually fairly class- and society-based and makes assumptions about financial resources. I have always been middle class (give or take), but DH -- not so much. We have lived places where banking was outside the norm for most people in that community. Instead, everything was cash- or barter-based. Honestly, literacy was also somewhat outside the norm in swaths of that community; 60+% of adults were functionally illiterate. It just wasn't seen as necessary to get by.

I would add as a basic life skill the ability to learn and adapt to change. I don't know how to chop wood, but I am 100% confident that given 30 minutes I could either find 1) someone to teach me 2) an online tutorial or 3) a book about it. Or all three. Sometimes it isn't what you know, but where to learn what you need to know.


----------



## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Good thread.

Along with how to stand up for yourself and things of that nature, I'm going to add: How to ask questions of people in authority.
A couple of cases in point:
Recently an 19 yo was trying to get on a plane on T-giving day, but the only ID she had was student and she couldn't check in all. She was getting ready to cry. When I travelled with my daughter for the first time and she needed a passport I asked ALL kinds of questions of what I'd need to get her on the plane.

Going to the doctor and asking a LOT of questions about what they've just told you.

How to ask what's included when you sign a contract or buy something. Like if the travel agent says "breakfast is included-" it's asking yourself if you REALLY know what that means? Are we talking cold bagels and cereal? Or cooked eggs and bacon?

You kind of learn of sales people and corporations present something in the best possible light and can gloss over the particulars. It's kind of skill to latch onto that and go a-ha - What DOES that mean? This for teachers and jobs too when someone gives you vague instructions. It's comparing what you know about something to what they know. What does "clean-out the walk-in freezer" mean anyway?

My parents were honestly not great at this. I think they didn't want to look stupid. DH is GREAT at it. Watching him has taught me a lot.

I'm also going to add that if someone can't do something, it's not always mommas fault that they didn't learn. Maybe they refused to learn and maybe there was Dad there or not there who also failed to teach.

And in this day and age, I think that touch-typing with all 10 fingers is pretty important. But I will admit that I can't really text at all.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

And you know.. with online banking.. balancing a check book isn't even really necessary anymore. I can get real time account info online! But you do have to realize that some checks might not have cleared and account for them.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
It's interesting to me the different life skills posters consider useful in their culture, community or to the situations they (or their children) expect to encounter within their SES.

Even balancing a checkbook is actually fairly class- and society-based and makes assumptions about financial resources.

The only assumption I was making was that my kids would be employed at some point, honestly. I've been well under the poverty line (which is _not_ poverty the way much of the world experiences it, and I know that). Every single job I've ever had, or anyone I know has ever had, pays by cheque. Yes - people can cash it at the bank, but walking around with the cash is something most people I know don't want to do.

Quote:

I have always been middle class (give or take), but DH -- not so much. We have lived places where banking was outside the norm for most people in that community. Instead, everything was cash- or barter-based. Honestly, literacy was also somewhat outside the norm in swaths of that community; 60+% of adults were functionally illiterate. It just wasn't seen as necessary to get by.
That would be different, but it does sound well outside the norm in North America, at least. Even the most menial tasks here are paid by cheque. The only time I've ever seen anyone get paid cash is if they're working under the table. Since that can get people into all kinds of legal trouble, it's not really part of "functioning", yk? I know there are some places that aren't so cheque driven, but I really think that vast majority of North America is.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this - had a thought, got interrupted by a baby, and can't get it back...

Quote:

I would add as a basic life skill the ability to learn and adapt to change. I don't know how to chop wood, but I am 100% confident that given 30 minutes I could either find 1) someone to teach me 2) an online tutorial or 3) a book about it. Or all three. Sometimes it isn't what you know, but where to learn what you need to know.
Very true. Being able to adapt is _really_ important.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ellien C* 
My parents were honestly not great at this. I think they didn't want to look stupid. DH is GREAT at it. Watching him has taught me a lot.

My mom was pretty good at it. I suck at it. I _hate_ asking questions, and I tend not to do it. I have no idea why.

Quote:

I'm also going to add that if someone can't do something, it's not always mommas fault that they didn't learn. Maybe they refused to learn and maybe there was Dad there or not there who also failed to teach.
Exactly. Mom and dad taught me stuff that completely failed to "take".

Quote:

And in this day and age, I think that touch-typing with all 10 fingers is pretty important. But I will admit that I can't really text at all.
Good point. Basic typing is important. My dad encouraged me to take a typing class back in '83, because he could see that it was going to be important in the world of computers, and was just an all-around useful skill. It's even more so now.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
And you know.. with online banking.. balancing a check book isn't even really necessary anymore. I can get real time account info online! But you do have to realize that some checks might not have cleared and account for them.

Yeah - I didn't mean necessarily balancing a chequebook in the literal sense - just in terms of being aware of the ins and outs of outstanding items, bank fees, etc. I've known too many people who just can't do this.


----------



## PPK (Feb 15, 2007)

Taxes!

I had no idea regarding what to do with my taxes since I was out of the house and I became a self-employed individual.

I was audited by the time I turned 28 for failure to file/failure to file correctly for several years.

The positive side is I now know a good deal more than the average human regarding the IRS and filing. Just the same though, I use CPA to help me out. If you don't educate your child on how to file themselves, at least get them to put money aside to pay a CPA every year.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

People work under the table all the time where I am from.

But as an aside.. DH's job ONLY pays by direct deposit. (government.) If you get social security or any other type of government check they ONLY pay by direct deposit. So you have to have a checking account of some sort to get paid.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

True. I'm being sloppy in my language. When I said they all pay by cheque, I meant they all pay through a bank in some way. Direct deposit is used by almost everybody now. Only small businesses still do actual cheques.

Sure - I've known lots of people who get paid under the table, too. But, it's not really something I want my kids to do as it does carry legal penalties, fines, fees, etc. It's not exactly non-functional, but...I'm having trouble being coherent here. If someone isn't taught to do something (manage a bank account) that's often _required_ in order to receive a legal income, I don't think I could say they've acquired the basic skills they need to function.


----------



## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

What a great topic!

I'll echo what other have said I"m sure, but here are mine:

How to be punctual.
-It takes some planning to learn how to be on time for things and also the importance of being on time

Etiquette
-Etiquette is so often considered old fashioned or stuffy when in fact it is basic common courtesy designed to make those around you comfortable. It also gives you confidence in any and all situations, to know how to handle yourself.

How to aquire food and cook it
-how to shop and farm markets, grocery stores, find fresh food vs. old and how to cook it well and for more than one person

How to research
-Most people don't do this at all. They accept what they are told with no inclination or even an idea of how to fact check for themselves. It is a skill to be able to find information and verify it with credible sources

How to not be an idiot in relationships
-Sounds silly but I have spent my life listening to friends weep over failed relationships when really I want to ask, didn't your parents ever tell you NOT to do X, Y, Z?

How to entertain
-I think it is important to be able to invite people into your home and show them an enjoyable evening

How to keep a home
-cleaning, organizing, and throwing things away! Not being a pack rat.

How to always be honest not matter what
-Integrity and character exist when no one is looking.

Just some of mine....


----------



## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

There are really two categories of skills that I want my kids to have, living and social skills. I tried to answer this question without reading other people's answers because I didn't want to be influenced by them.
*
Living Skills*
Cooking - how to cook from scratch and read a recipe.
Shopping - how to find decent products (from food to clothing to cars) and research how much to pay for them
Cleaning - everything from dishes to bathrooms to vacuuming and dusting
Laundry (Ironing is so optional in my house that our kids were astonished the two times I've done it in their presence!)
How to sew on a button
How to use safety pins to effectively repair other clothing
How to budget
How to manage your finances (banking, paying taxes, etc)
How to get use a map and find your way around a strange place
How to use public transportation
How to find and evaluate information

*Social skills*
How to introduce yourself to people
how to introduce someone you know to someone else
How to apologize
How to write a thank you note
How to make a phone call
How to ask for help
To offer help to other people when they're in need
To make small talk for a few minutes

I'm not sure about that last one, but decided that it is important enough to include. It smooths the way to so many different things.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
To make small talk for a few minutes

I'm not sure about that last one, but decided that it is important enough to include. It smooths the way to so many different things.

Okay - there's one I just thought of, which would be great to teach my kids - if I had a clue how to do it myself. That whole "small talk smoothing the way to so many different things" idea. How does it do that? If I make small talk, I'm making small talk. It doesn't smooth everything. Eventually, the person I'm talking to and I get past the small talk, and then the conversation is over, because small talk is...small talk. I know for other people, it works as some kind of lead-in or something, but I have no idea how. I've just never figured it out.

Mind you, I just generally suck at "people". I'm hoping my kids do better. DS1 already leaves me in the dust.


----------



## July09Mama (Dec 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
I would add as a basic life skill the ability to learn and adapt to change. I don't know how to chop wood, but I am 100% confident that given 30 minutes I could either find 1) someone to teach me 2) an online tutorial or 3) a book about it. Or all three. Sometimes it isn't what you know, but where to learn what you need to know.

This! That what I was thinking about the lobster debate too. Knowing how to do it is nice, but the essential skill is knowing how to ask if you're presented with something you don't know. No one can know everything. Even with things like cooking or cleaning, basic skills can be easily learned. My mom did teach me to "cook" (open box, open all packets, mix together) and clean, but I do them completely differently now as an adult in my own home. I learned on my own how to cook healthy meals from scratch and how to clean without harsh chemicals, things that I know a lot of MDC mamas do and I'm guessing a lot of us didn't learn from our own parents.
We live in a city with great public transit and we don't own a car, so being able to take a bus or train and bike are essential basics for us. Driving isn't in our current situation, but I do really want my dd to know how. I think it is an important life skill, even if we don't need it every day.
My final thought is just a reminder that parenting doesn't end when our children turn 18. Some of these things (I'm thinking especially of a lot of the financial ones) are things that might not even come up until our children are adults, but that doesn't mean that we have failed as parents, it just means that we need to continue teaching.


----------



## seaheroine (Dec 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
How you can teach someone to navigate an airport if you don't actually fly anywhere, though? Honestly, I don't think "navigating _an_ airport" is all that useful, in some ways. I know Vancouver airport inside out - I know the trick gate (we have a weird one, where the sign and most of the seats are on the other side of a glass wall from the actual boarding gate), and I know the departure and arrivals areas very well. That did _squat_ for me the first time I had to find my way around SeaTac...and Ohare...and Atlanta. I need to navigate the particular airport I'm at, and they're not all set up the same way.

But to each their own circumstances, yk? "Navigate" in a general way. My family was spread far and wide throughout the US when I was a child. When my grandfather was dying my parents had to leave out-of-state immediately and I followed a few days later with my three younger sisters in tow. I knew how to check-in, check luggage, find it, make three plane transfers in three states, etc. I was sixteen...scared to death of the responsibility and it wasn't the last time it happened. When I started working, too, I flew to Chicago alone and had to do the same/hotel check/transfers, etc. NTM hotel and travel "etiquette". Not a basic survival skill but one I feel is inherently useful and liberating for a young person, particularly if they're in a family when travel, whether leisure, education or business, is a part of life.

It really isn't very different from navigating a public transportation system. I rode the bus more a young person but living in a place where there is not easy access to public transportation made a knowledge of flight more useful to *me*.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *July09Mama* 
We live in a city with great public transit and we don't own a car, so being able to take a bus or train and bike are essential basics for us. Driving isn't in our current situation, but I do really want my dd to know how. I think it is an important life skill, even if we don't need it every day.









I was wondering if you lived in Portland when I read this.







I don't know many other cities that are as pubic transit/bike friendly as Portland.

On the entertaining.. I know you said it was important to you (and I am glad you qualified that) but why is it important to entertain others? Some people just don't like to entertain in their homes. My MIL labels herself as a social butterfly and couldn't believe I didn't have a coffee pot. Umm DH and I don't like coffee. "But you need one for your guests!" Umm no I am not buying a coffee pot on the off chance that someone comes over and wants coffee.







.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I guess the airport thing puzzles me, because the basics are...really basic - far simpler than balancing a bank account or cooking, for instance. Barriers to navigating an airport are usually not practical barrier, ime...more psychological. (I personally hate airports with a passion, and find it somewhat ironic that I ended up falling in love with a man whose hometown and interests both dictate that I have to spend at least some time in airports.)


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I guess the airport thing puzzles me, because the basics are...really basic - far simpler than balancing a bank account or cooking, for instance. Barriers to navigating an airport are usually not practical barrier, ime...more psychological. (I personally hate airports with a passion, and find it somewhat ironic that I ended up falling in love with a man whose hometown and interests both dictate that I have to spend at least some time in airports.)

And there is always someone there who will help you. When I landed at Dallas Forth Worth with a three year old, 6 carry-ons and a car seat (was moving across country) they hailed a golf cart type thing and took me, my child, and belongings to the next gate.. which was really really really far away.







So, its not like if you can't find your way you are SOL.. there are employees everywhere willing to help.


----------



## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

OK, now that I've read the whole thread, here are my responses...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lynsage* 
How about driving? I know of a woman (an acquaintance of people I am close with) in her late 20s whose parents still drive her around. Now THAT is a person who has not been taught life skills. And before anyone asks, no, she is not disabled in any way.

This totally depends on where you live. If I lived in Europe, driving would not be an essential life skill. Even here in Portland, it's not essential. But I will teach my kids to drive because I can't predict where they will end up.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lynsage* 
It also shocks me how many adults from two-parent homes I know that never learned to do basic home repairs or yard work

I agree and would add this to my list.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I _hate_ sewing. I have sewn on a button, but it's been a long, long time. If I have to, I can sew up a very small tear, but it's not neat. I've sewn up multiple popped seams, and even some patches, but they're also not neat. I just find sewing insanely stressful.

Me too! Hence my desire to teach my kids to fix things with safety pins. If it needs a straight seam, they need to make friends with people who can sew!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I have never used public transit. (well I have taken the train with Dh to places now that we live in Portland but never by myself.) ]

You wanna borrow my 8 year old for a weekend? He'll teach you more than you ever want to know about taking the bus or the MAX in Portland. He can tell you which bus routes go where and how long it will take. He could read a bus schedule at 6. (It's been a major obsession for him for 2 years.)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
It's interesting to me the different life skills posters consider useful in their culture, community or to the situations they (or their children) expect to encounter within their SES.

Yes, I agree. I've always lived places where banking was the norm, so I expect my kids to learn about it. Just like I expect my kids to go to college (even though ds wants to be a bus driver (see above)!) But dealing with money is the life skill - how to do it in your culture is something that can vary.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Okay - there's one I just thought of, which would be great to teach my kids - if I had a clue how to do it myself. That whole "small talk smoothing the way to so many different things" idea. How does it do that? If I make small talk, I'm making small talk. It doesn't smooth everything. Eventually, the person I'm talking to and I get past the small talk, and then the conversation is over, because small talk is...small talk. I know for other people, it works as some kind of lead-in or something, but I have no idea how. I've just never figured it out.

Ah, well, you see there are two kinds of small talk. There is the kind of small talk that you do with people with whom you don't expect to have a long term relationship -- the clerk in the store, the administrative assistant at the doctor's office. That does help because it puts people at ease and generally leads to better service.

Then there's the kind of small talk that you do to start a conversation/relationship. Only, the first 3-10 times you do it, you don't know if it's the "doesn't lead anywhere" kind of small talk or the "getting to know you" kind of small talk. I'm not great the second kind, but I'm getting better with age. For this second kind, you eventually move on to asking questions about them and finding common interests. But a lot of it is just time, and then having one or two good questions to ask them to move things forward. If someone is pleasant to you, and asks about you, you might be motivated to spend more time with them.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:

Originally Posted by lynsage View Post
It also shocks me how many adults from two-parent homes I know that never learned to do basic home repairs or yard work
Oh I missed this the first time around.







Wanna know the kicker to this one? My stepfather.. after retiring as a civilian building maintenance worker for a military base opened his own home repair business. This is what he does for a living!!! Skill we were never taught.

Honestly.. I think my parents didn't teach us anything becuase they were lazy.

I can mow a law.. I do know how to pull weeds.. but my grandfather was a FARMER and I know my mother knows/knew a lot more than she passed on. (I remember him in the 70's with a gas powered chipper chipping things to add to his compost pile. But he died when I was 7)


----------



## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 
How to research
-Most people don't do this at all. They accept what they are told with no inclination or even an idea of how to fact check for themselves. It is a skill to be able to find information and verify it with credible sources.









I am always amazed at what people don't question, like my MIL overwhelmed by conflicting advertising by political interest groups. She has no understanding that all advertising is at best just biased. A related skill would be to tell the difference between fact and opinion. Be skeptical!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 
How to entertain
-I think it is important to be able to invite people into your home and show them an enjoyable evening

I really wish I was better at this. We used to have parties all the time and I loved it, but keggers don't really seem appropriate for our current circle. Tips on how to learn the nuances of this?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 
How to keep a home
-cleaning, organizing, and throwing things away! Not being a pack rat.

Yes! My hoarding mother totally fails at this. If not taught as a habit early, it can be so hard to unlearn a lifetime of messy behavior.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
Yes! My hoarding mother totally fails at this. If not taught as a habit early, it can be so hard to unlearn a lifetime of messy behavior.

I'm a hoarder/packrat. So were both my parents. Both those parents grew up in neat, tidy homes where order and decluttering were very high priority. My sister isn't a hoarder/packrat at all. (I don't even know about my brother, because his wife _is_ and if he isn't, there's no way to know!) Teaching this stuff is only possible to a degree, because hoarding/packratting is partly (largely?) emotional.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
Yes! My hoarding mother totally fails at this. If not taught as a habit early, it can be so hard to unlearn a lifetime of messy behavior.


----------



## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
It's interesting to me the different life skills posters consider useful in their culture, community or to the situations they (or their children) expect to encounter within their SES.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
Yes, I agree. I've always lived places where banking was the norm, so I expect my kids to learn about it. Just like I expect my kids to go to college (even though ds wants to be a bus driver (see above)!) But dealing with money is the life skill - how to do it in your culture is something that can vary.

I actually expect my kids to learn about banking. To this end, I have started talking with my 4 yr old about money management. Heck, I have an MPA with a concentration/specialization in financial management.

My point was rather how the disagreements in this thread seem to stem from cultural, geographic, class or other differences. What basic skills one needs is relative. And those differences are so interesting to me.


----------



## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I'm a hoarder/packrat. So were both my parents. Both those parents grew up in neat, tidy homes where order and decluttering were very high priority. My sister isn't a hoarder/packrat at all. (I don't even know about my brother, because his wife _is_ and if he isn't, there's no way to know!) Teaching this stuff is only possible to a degree, because hoarding/packratting is partly (largely?) emotional.

Yes, hoarding is an emotional/psychological issue. But living with someone who hoards doesn't provide a model of effective organizational skills. It is hard to know how much is really enough -- much less how to clean and organize it -- when that isn't modeled.


----------



## Dahlea (May 15, 2008)

Budgeting/financial skills are one of the most important I can think of.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
Yes, hoarding is an emotional/psychological issue. But living with someone who hoards doesn't provide a model of effective organizational skills. It is hard to know how much is really enough -- much less how to clean and organize it -- when that isn't modeled.

I'm not sure I agree with that. My mom looked after her stuff, and organized it reasonably well - there was just _way_ too much of it. I used to clean and organize my stuff really well (that whole issue of toxic relationships comes into why/when I lost that). I just have a lot of trouble letting go of things, because they become easily imbued with emotional meaning to me. DS1 is similar, and I don't think it's just upbringing - he once wanted to keep the straw from a juice box to "remind [me] forever of this day". He drank it while we were on a hike...


----------



## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

I think I'm going to try this again.....

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
DH and I were talking about this the other day. We were reminiscing about how appalled we were that so many kids couldn't do laundry when we were in college. I also know a girl that ruined Easy Mac (she put the noodles in the bowl, put the sauce packet on top still sealed, and put the whole thing in the microwave for 5mins) *We were discussing the basic things we want to teach our children before they leave home.*

Our list included:

- *Laundry* How to sort and complete laundry according to each type of clothing.

- *Ironing* (I can't do this. My mother was obsessive about ironing everything)

- *Cooking* How to follow a recipe. I also think it would benefit to be able to make a few, simple, things from scratch. (Scrambled eggs were the first thing I learned to make)

- *Sewing* Basic button sewing and how to quick fix something in a pinch

-*Cleaning* How to wash dishes WITHOUT a dishwasher. Basic cleaning like vacuuming, mopping, etc...

I know I'm forgetting a few...

*What do you think?*

Bolding mine.

I'm not going to tell *other* people what they should or shouldn't teach their children before they leave home.

In addition to lots of very good suggestions in this thread about maintaining a home and personal transportation, managing finances and other aspects of life, here's a list of things that are basics for *us*:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ollyoxenfree* 
Lots of great suggestions already posted. I'm adding to the list:

Basic first aid and safety procedures (ready your home with working flashlights, fire extinguishers, carbon monoxide and smoke detectors.

Swimming, skating and bicycling

Booking airline tickets, going through customs and immigration, checking into a hotel, packing for travel

Street safety (paying attention to surroundings, walking with confidence, how to hold your purse, learn a few self-defense moves)

How to skip a stone and juggle

And a few finer details, which may or may not apply depending on lifestyle:

How to use chopsticks

How to manage different foods - open a pomegranate, dice a mango, crack/peel shellfish (crab, lobster, prawns), uncork wine

Use an axe or hatchet, cut firewood, build a fire

Strip paint, prep for new paint, fix holes in drywall, and painting walls and crown molding

Hang pictures or artwork or shelves

Some of the above items are concrete examples of abstract attitudes I want them to carry in life, as opposed to "skills".

I think it's basic - an essential - for a full satisfying life to have a sense of fun and adventure. Hence, skipping stones and juggling and swimming and skating and cycling. Other people should feel free to substitute whatever fun, nonsense "skills" represent an ability to pursue something just for the enjoyment - yoyo, hula hoop, tree climbing, kite flying..... If there's nothing like this in my children's repertoire, yes, I'll question whether I've succeeded as a parent. In short, know how to have fun. It's way more important than making sure your whites stay white. That's something you can figure out in 10 minutes by reading the labels on the detergent bottle and the washing machine.

It's basic that we are global citizens. My dc should be prepared to travel, to enter into different social situations and cultures, to eat different foods (even though they can find McDonald's just about everywhere







).

Other "basics":

-An open mind, not an empty one.

-Critical analytical skills.

-Negotiating interpersonal relationships.

I'm sure there's more I could list, but I'll finish with:

-A sense of humour (sadly lacking all too often in too many people).


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Fair enough. I missed that the OP said skills they wanted to teach their kids. I thought this thread was about basic functioning. In any case, I've discovered reading this thread that I'm not a functioning human being. I'm kind of shocked...but not really...

I don't think you can actually teach a sense of humour, btw. I think it tends to be an inherent part of a person's temperament. DH and ds1 both have a strong sense of the absurd - I tend toward the dark, sarcastic side of things ("black sense of humour" is something I've heard a lot) - and dd1, to date, has no sense of humour that I can see at all.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Fair enough. I missed that the OP said skills they wanted to teach their kids. I thought this thread was about basic functioning. In any case, I've discovered reading this thread that I'm not a functioning human being. I'm kind of shocked...but not really...









don't worry.. I don't think I am a functioning human being either.


----------



## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I don't think you can actually teach a sense of humour, btw. I think it tends to be an inherent part of a person's temperament.

I suppose that's another one of those differences between individuals/families.

For us, "teach" is read as "facilitate", "nurture", "promote", "encourage", "engage" as opposed to a strict definition of "instruct". I think it's possible to facilitate and nurture a sense of humour.


----------



## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

What a great thread!!!! This has been the most useful thread I have seen on MDC in a while. Thank you OP for bringing this topic up for discussion!

My parents absolutely sucked at preparing me and my brother for adulthood. Thankfully, I married when I was 17 and was able to figure out most things for myself. Somethings, like money management, I had to learn the hard way. My brother on the other hand, has obviously not learned any skills at all. He is 28 years old, has been unemployed for 2 years, mooches off my mother for everything, trashes my mother's house and is just basically a bum. (I admit I am a little bitter







)

All of you have some wonderful ideas. I am taking notes.


----------



## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Most of the lifeskills on our list are already stated.

I would like to add (& in some ways it has already been touched on) how to navigate & deal with red tape/bureaucracy effectively. Whether it is applying for a passport or dealing with a legal issue or getting your phone bill corrected or.... It's important to know how to stay calm & persistent even when things are getting ridiculous & frustrating.

Driving was mentioned but I would up it to knowing how to drive a standard vehicle. Honestly, I totally get that for some people for their day to day life they just don't need a car, but having the basic skill of how to operate a vehicle is so important. I've too often seen people stuck because they didn't have this skill (& have been there myself before I learned myself). Plus this skill translates over to many other pieces of machinery.

Swimming - I'm passionate about this. Most people who drown NEVER intended to enter the water that day. It is absolutely essential to have a basic level of swimming. Don't like to swim fine you're not going to become a waterbaby but knowing how could literally save your life.

Being able to follow directions from a book has been SO valuable to me.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lifeguard* 
Most of the lifeskills on our list are already stated.

I would like to add (& in some ways it has already been touched on) how to navigate & deal with red tape/bureaucracy effectively. Whether it is applying for a passport or dealing with a legal issue or getting your phone bill corrected or.... *It's important to know how to stay calm & persistent even when things are getting ridiculous & frustrating.*

Now see.. I often get my best results when I get really mad and start screaming and telling the person how stupid they are. It is the strangest thing but when I am being reasonable.. they don't want to help me.

On the other hand.. .I have been hung up on and accused of yelling at people when I wasn't.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
Now see.. I often get my best results when I get really mad and start screaming and telling the person how stupid they are. It is the strangest thing but when I am being reasonable.. they don't want to help me.

Sadly, I've found the same thing. I try so hard to stay reasonable, then finally blow my top - and suddenly, everyone is trying to fix my problem. I always feel like crap afterwards - but my problem gets fixed.

Quote:

On the other hand.. .I have been hung up on and accused of yelling at people when I wasn't.








I've had this happen, too, but with people I know, not with any of the various levels of bureaucracy.


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

really? I have really found the old saying to be true: you catch more flies with honey than with vinigar.
I have always found that being nice and polite, but firm, you are much more likely to make the other person want to help you. if you are rude, the other person just goes, meh, you're a jerk, I don't care if your problem gets fixed. At least thats how I felt when I was in customer service.. (this is especially true with gate and counter agents at airports.. not to get into that debate again!)


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

If I'm firm and polite, I get the run around, almost every time. I've had the best results, every time, when I've blown my top and behaved really badly. It's kind of depressing, really. I always see people say that the way to get results is to be polite, but firm, and I _want_ it to work - but it doesn't.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
really? I have really found the old saying to be true: you catch more flies with honey than with vinigar.
I have always found that being nice and polite, but firm, you are much more likely to make the other person want to help you. if you are rude, the other person just goes, meh, you're a jerk, I don't care if your problem gets fixed. At least thats how I felt when I was in customer service.. (this is especially true with gate and counter agents at airports.. not to get into that debate again!)

I get better results with phone customer service when I get mean and nasty with them.


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

its interesting that you both have had those experiences. (i'm not trying to negate them. just saying that for me its always the opposite.) i wonder why that would be?


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I don't know. It's always frustrated me. I will say that at least once, even though I was way out of line, the guy I was talking to actually laughed. Sometimes, my frustration comes out in a very...offbeat way.


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

oh that is the worst! when you're really upset and someone laughs! It is a good way to deflect that negative energy right back to the angry customer though, coming from that side of things!


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
its interesting that you both have had those experiences. (i'm not trying to negate them. just saying that for me its always the opposite.) i wonder why that would be?









Because people are strange.


----------



## number572 (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
If I'm firm and polite, I get the run around, almost every time. I've had the best results, every time, when I've blown my top and behaved really badly. It's kind of depressing, really. I always see people say that the way to get results is to be polite, but firm, and I _want_ it to work - but it doesn't.

Wow, no wonder so many tele-receptionists are so bitter & ready to be rude. I have always heard the rumor that tele-help is bad news... but honestly IME, I have dealt with many many very friendly ones... they are just doing their job & want a peaceful day just like you do.

Try the experiment of giving what you get - really... next time you're waiting, anywhere, make the absolute best of it VS making the absolute worst of it... see internally & externally, check the differences.

& Storm, I'm not pulling you out of the crowd, just that your post was the most all-encompassing one... so I went with it. just fyi.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
oh that is the worst! when you're really upset and someone laughs! It is a good way to deflect that negative energy right back to the angry customer though, coming from that side of things!

No, it was okay. It actually defused things, and my comment had been kind of funny, in retrospect. I basically accused him and his colleagues of working for the tax department, because every time I talked to them, they gave me a different answer.

hmm...that doesn't sound so funny, in retrospect...guess it was one of those "you had to be there" things.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *number572* 
Wow, no wonder so many tele-receptionists are so bitter & ready to be rude. I have always heard the rumor that tele-help is bad news... but honestly IME, I have dealt with many many very friendly ones... they are just doing their job & want a peaceful day just like you do.

Try the experiment of giving what you get - really... next time you're waiting, anywhere, make the absolute best of it VS making the absolute worst of it... see internally & externally, check the differences.

umm...yeah. Did you read my post? I've tried that. I've tried dealing with some problems for weeks, even months, by making the absolute best of it. When I finally snapped from sheer frustration, the things they "couldn't" do for weeks or months were suddenly totally possible, and taken care of in _minutes_. It's not like I decide every time I have a problem to grab the phone and give some poor sucker making minimum wage a bad time. I've been on the receiving end of my fair share of rude people myself, and I know how much it sucks.

ETA: I just saw your edit, and I realize you weren't talking directly to me, but...yeah. I don't know if I'd blow my top these days, because I'm unlikely to be facing disconnection charges on my phone when I don't have the money to feed my kid, or harassing calls from the company who foolishly granted my ex a credit card (that I didn't know about), or any of that. I _can_ pay the phone bill while disputing the charges these days, and that takes a lot of the stress off. I haven't had any serious issues for a long time.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *number572* 
Wow, no wonder so many tele-receptionists are so bitter & ready to be rude. I have always heard the rumor that tele-help is bad news... but honestly IME, I have dealt with many many very friendly ones... they are just doing their job & want a peaceful day just like you do.

Try the experiment of giving what you get - really... next time you're waiting, anywhere, make the absolute best of it VS making the absolute worst of it... see internally & externally, check the differences.

& Storm, I'm not pulling you out of the crowd, just that your post was the most all-encompassing one... so I went with it. just fyi.

Did you miss the part with both Storm and I said we have tried this? I tired to get an issue resolved with Sprint for more than SIX MONTHS. Everytime I would call in and they would tell me they fixed it and I would get my bill the next month and it hadn't been fixed. Then finally I was told they couldn't fix it because it had been too long. WTF I call you EVERY SINGLE MONTH.. but you know what.. there were no notes to that effect. For more than six months there were no notes? So I went off and the problem was fixed LIKE THAT. A problem that couldn't be fixed in over six months of being polite and patient with them.


----------



## number572 (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
umm...yeah. Did you read my post? I've tried that. I've tried dealing with some problems for weeks, even months, by making the absolute best of it. When I finally snapped from sheer frustration, the things they "couldn't" do for weeks or months were suddenly totally possible, and taken care of in _minutes_. It's not like I decide every time I have a problem to grab the phone and give some poor sucker making minimum wage a bad time. I've been on the receiving end of my fair share of rude people myself, and I know how much it sucks.

ETA: I just saw your edit, and I realize you weren't talking directly to me, but...yeah. I don't know if I'd blow my top these days, because I'm unlikely to be facing disconnection charges on my phone when I don't have the money to feed my kid, or harassing calls from the company who foolishly granted my ex a credit card (that I didn't know about), or any of that. I _can_ pay the phone bill while disputing the charges these days, and that takes a lot of the stress off. I haven't had any serious issues for a long time.

Hm, yeah, not being able to feed kids (any) b'c some jerk needs a hug/payment/new deal, irritates me as well. I know thats not what you were saying, but, yeah. I hear you.


----------



## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

*How to use a fire extinguisher!*


----------



## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seaheroine* 
Recognizing dangerous plants and insects/animals -- and what to do if you've been bitten/stung/etc.

DH grew up in the city, but we moved out to the suburbs and bought a house shortly after we were married. He is very clueless about some of these things.

DH was cleaning the crawlspace under our back porch. He came into the house after wards rubbing his arm.

DH "I think something bit me."
Me "What did it look like?"
DH "It was a big black spider"
Me joking "Sure, and it had a red hourglass shape on it belly"















Dh "Yeah, how did you know"








Me









Last summer, DH weed whacked through a patch of poison ivy.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eepster* 
*How to use a fire extinguisher!*

Good one. I think my family and I should go over this one!


----------



## RoadBuddy (May 19, 2005)

I think a general ability to find needed information is very important. We can never teach our child everything they need to be a functioning adult, but we can make sure they know how to figure out this kind of stuff. So skills like reading instructions with products, how to do a good web or library search for the thing you need, asking questions from those who do know, etc.


----------



## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

Thought of one more...

HOW TO DRIVE IN THE SNOW

Seriously, here in the north east snow is a part of life. And yet, first fluyrry of the year and it's accidnet after accidnet after accident and people in SUVs or whatever else just flying around like it's summer then BAM they're spinning out and end up in a ditch.


----------



## Geofizz (Sep 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eepster* 
*How to use a fire extinguisher!*









: I learned by reading the directions, crossing my fingers, and aiming the thing at the fire and squeezing.







: Thank goodness it was a small fire, and thank goodness for really clear pictograms.

I find it interesting to see the differences in opinion on what is constituted by "basic life skills." Obviously geography has a huge influence. Some of what you list is something I consider learn-able when one moves out on ones own. Some I see as things that should and can be learned almost entirely by example. Some I see as basic life skills necessary to master before living on ones own. Clearly everyone draws those lines in different places.


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I don't know anyone who can juggle and very few people who can skip stones. If you aren't around water much.. it's not a skill you are going to pick up.

I know lots of people who can skip stones. DH and DS have been practicing at local lakes and creeks, and you'd be surprised how many little boys come up and ask DH if he will teach them. It's a fun thing to do. I guess if you don't live near any water, you'd never have a reason to, but it can be a great way to pass the time and for little ones to learn coordination.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
I have to admit.. I am 38 and I have never had the occasion to eat lobster or other shell fish at a business function. I have never seen it served. DH took me to Red Lobster once and it was gross. He insists I need to try lobster somewhere "real" before deciding I don't like it.. but I am hesitant to fork out big bucks to try something I didn't like the last time I tried it.

Again, I think where you live would matter, but I completely agree with OOOF. I've seen people who didn't know how to use which utensils and so forth, and it is embarassing if they're ever in that situation. It's also embarassing if your family ate a pretty basic "American" diet and don't know what foods are on a menu. By the same token as your comment, I thought my BIL's gf was joking when she said she'd never had shrimp. When I realized she was serious, I couldn't help saying, "you're 23. How have you never had shrimp?" It's just a foreign concept to me that at 23, she had no idea how to peel a shrimp or even if she liked them.


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
That would be different, but it does sound well outside the norm in North America, at least. Even the most menial tasks here are paid by cheque. The only time I've ever seen anyone get paid cash is if they're working under the table.

I've lived in one community where it was standard not to have a checking account. People got paid with checks, but they just paid to cash them. Check-cashing places were the most common form of business there. Someone saw my checkbook once and assumed it meant I had tons of money because I had "enough to need a bank." Yeah, I was making $19K a year as a reporter. But, part of that in the community was socioeconomic, and part of it was a distrust of *all* forms of authority. That distrust was deeply ingrained in people, so they just didn't trust banks with their money. Still, though, I think it's pretty rare.

By the same token, I know quite a few people who don't really keep their checkbook balanced because they have a good cushion that they're safe knowing roughly what they have. That's not a strategy I would advocate, but it seems pretty common where I am now.


----------



## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
By the same token as your comment, I thought my BIL's gf was joking when she said she'd never had shrimp. When I realized she was serious, I couldn't help saying, "you're 23. How have you never had shrimp?" It's just a foreign concept to me that at 23, she had no idea how to peel a shrimp or even if she liked them.

There are many people who never eat shrimp or lobster. Vegetarian/vegans obviously, also Jews who keep kosher never eat any shell fish, etc. Any one raised in these cultures will never have had any shell fish to eat.

Though these days with quick shipping, it has become easier to get shell fish inland, in the past, shell fish were strictly something people only ate near the coast, since shell fish spoil rapidly and dramatically. Many people still view shell away from the coast with suspicion.


----------



## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
Again, I think where you live would matter, but I completely agree with OOOF. I've seen people who didn't know how to use which utensils and so forth, and it is embarassing if they're ever in that situation. It's also embarassing if your family ate a pretty basic "American" diet and don't know what foods are on a menu. By the same token as your comment, I thought my BIL's gf was joking when she said she'd never had shrimp. When I realized she was serious, I couldn't help saying, "you're 23. How have you never had shrimp?" It's just a foreign concept to me that at 23, she had no idea how to peel a shrimp or even if she liked them.

I guess one of the basics I would teach is to make someone in that situation feel comfortable. To be able to give them help without humiliating them and introduce them to something that seems normal to you. In fact, to make them feel welcome so they can enjoy themselves, the meal and the experience instead of being made to feel intimidated is pretty important to me.
I was lucky (who knew?? Actually these comments about seafood on this thread really make me think that)) that my parents exposed me to seafood and some fancy dining and events (such as plays/ballet/musical recitals) . I think it was something that was important to my dad that we even saved up for it, because it wasn't something we could easily do when I was little. But it has helped me feel comfortable when I have been in social situations with those that are many levels above me.
I guess a skill would be to be able to carry yourself in situations that you are not comfortable in or used to. To either watch and follow others lead or get a little help without coming across as helpless. To be able to be comfortable and relate (even if just a little) with the company you are keeping. That goes for both extremes... of being with people that are well above or well below your means.

Jessica


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I know lots of people who can skip stones. DH and DS have been practicing at local lakes and creeks, and you'd be surprised how many little boys come up and ask DH if he will teach them. It's a fun thing to do. I guess if you don't live near any water, you'd never have a reason to, but it can be a great way to pass the time and for little ones to learn coordination.

Again, I think where you live would matter, but I completely agree with OOOF. I've seen people who didn't know how to use which utensils and so forth, and it is embarassing if they're ever in that situation. It's also embarassing if your family ate a pretty basic "American" diet and don't know what foods are on a menu. By the same token as your comment, I thought my BIL's gf was joking when she said she'd never had shrimp. When I realized she was serious, I couldn't help saying, "you're 23. How have you never had shrimp?" It's just a foreign concept to me that at 23, she had no idea how to peel a shrimp or even if she liked them.

While skipping stones might be great fun.. it's not really a life skill one needs before leaving home. It's not going to ruin their life if they don't know how to do this.

As far as food on menus, knowing which utensil to use..ect..those are all things of privilege to me. I can't afford to eat anywhere that I wouldn't know what was on the menu.. nor a place that would have different utensils. I have been to places that had more than one fork.. but they were exactly the same.. so it's not like you are going to use the wrong one.

As for shrimp.. why would you peal it? It's sold at the stores ready to cook and not needing pealed.







And I have only had fried prawns. My stepfather hated sea food so it was never served in our home and we were never taken out to eat anywhere except places like Lyons and that was on rare occasion.


----------



## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

I can think of a few basic things every adult should know... some are not really 'skills'

...to remember to replace the toilet paper if you use the roll up
...to know where the cleaning supplies are and how to use them
...to know how to change a baby's diaper and how to talk to a child for a little while
...to know how to check your oil, tire pressure, and fill up your gas tank (unless you are over the age of 70)
...to know how to greet people in a friendly way (whether handshake or other)

Oh, so many... just not the time for me to think of any more right now.

Jessica


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Most of what I'd say has been said already, but I'd add critical thinking skills to the list.

We have 2 sayings in our house -
1. Work before play.
2. Every problem has a solution. Your job is to find it.

The kids make fun of them (mostly the 4YO), but they repeat them. They will say "2 tasks done, 1 more before I can play." I really think that kind of work ethic is important (and honestly one I had to learn as an adult).

I also see people who can't think critically. I've seen it in students but also in people I encounter in my everyday life. It's something for which I have little patience, and I want my children to be able to think through problems and solve them (even if the answer is to find a professional trained to do it).

Charity is vital for a well-balanced life. I don't know that it's a "life skill" per se, but it's an important value we work to teach.

As for things that may be specific to our lives/desires for our children: computer skills are a must. I don't just mean word processing but using the internet well; conducting heavy research; evaluating sources; using image manipulation software, etc. DH is a programmer, and DS has been *begging* DH to teach him how, so I'm sure both DC will have a basic understanding of programming by the time they're adults.

I also think being well-read is a basic life skill. Yes, I know many people won't, but it's important in the education/work that DH and I both have to get literary references and subtle references to major scientific theories. I'd also add good writing skills.

You are responsible for your life. I mean that both in the sense that they're responsible for taking credit or blame for their choices but also that they're responsible for making the changes necessay to be happy/successful/fulfilled if they're not at the current time. My children are privileged, and I want them to know that, which is why it's all the more important for people given everything they have to make the most of it.


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
While skipping stones might be great fun.. it's not really a life skill one needs before leaving home. It's not going to ruin their life if they don't know how to do this.

No, it's not a basic life skill, but you both seemed bent on "I don't do it" versus "I do." I think the bigger skill to be taken from the things listed like skipping rocks and juggling is that all children need to be taught relaxation/coping skills whether that's juggling or meditation or tossing a baseball in the backyard. Coping skills are a really important skill to have to get through adult life.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
As far as food on menus, knowing which utensil to use..ect..those are all things of privilege to me. I can't afford to eat anywhere that I wouldn't know what was on the menu.. nor a place that would have different utensils. I have been to places that had more than one fork.. but they were exactly the same.. so it's not like you are going to use the wrong one.

Hmm...rather than privilege, it speaks to me of social climbing. DH grew up in an upper middle-class house. They had more than one fork at their house on some nights, and they certainly had been to restaurants of that caliber. I grew up working-class, but my mother taught me how to do things like fold linens and use various forks because she always anticipated I'd enter a social class where it was necessary.

As a student, I was taken by professors and speakers at events to really expensive restaurants. I remember one night being almost in tears (thankfully in the bathroom) because the menu had 4 entree choices, and I didn't know what any of them were. I was starving, and I was terrified either to ask or to order something I wouldn't like. I did once ask a professor I knew really well what something was because the menus were in Italian (and my literacy in Italian is pretty rough), and she said, "you can't read Italian!" Yes, cases like mine may be rare, but I know how much they made me feel unworthy of being at the place where I was *because* I didn't grow up with privilege. My children are privileged in many ways - well-educated parents, white, upper middle-class, stable nuclear family, private school & all the activities they want, and I think those food skills are required to function.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
As for shrimp.. why would you peal it? It's sold at the stores ready to cook and not needing pealed.







And I have only had fried prawns. My stepfather hated sea food so it was never served in our home and we were never taken out to eat anywhere except places like Lyons and that was on rare occasion.

We never ate shrimp from a store - only fresh (though for the record she'd never had it that way either). That's what I prefer now, but I live in the midwest so usually have to make do with flash-frozen.

Maybe I just have a bias for seafood. I'd eat it everyday if I could. I just can't imagine my children growing up never eating a whole category of a popular food.


----------



## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
As far as food on menus, knowing which utensil to use..ect..those are all things of privilege to me. I can't afford to eat anywhere that I wouldn't know what was on the menu.. nor a place that would have different utensils. I have been to places that had more than one fork.. but they were exactly the same.. so it's not like you are going to use the wrong one.

So often, people view manners as following a strict set of rules, but those rules change from place to place and time to time. The ability to observe and adapt is more universally useful than memorizing forks.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

It's not about "I didn't do it so it's not important." It's more about the fact that it is not skill that it would hurt them not to have.

It does sound like your family is very privileged so I guess it would make sence your children learn things that others consider only those of privilege need to know as a "necessity."

Where do you get shrimp if you don't get it at the store?







Do you catch it yourself?


----------



## hillymum (May 15, 2003)

To add a few that haven't been mentioned (hopefully)

Time management!!!!

How to use initiative, to have initiative or at least imagination to try to solve a problem.

Critical thinking /curiosity.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
Maybe I just have a bias for seafood. I'd eat it everyday if I could. I just can't imagine my children growing up never eating a whole category of a popular food.

My stepfather hated fish.. my mother never ever served it. (did I say that or did I delete it?) In any rate I have tried to teach myself to make fish. After years of trying it seems the only fish I make that my kids will eat is pan fried. Everything else.. just never turns out. We don't eat it all that often... the stuff I like is expensive. DD wants to try salmon but I don't like it. Dh thinks I should let her try it.. but I can't cook it either....Maybe some day we will find a restaurant that serves it. I mean.. we are in the PNW and the kids have been going to see salmon runs all fall!


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
It's not about "I didn't do it so it's not important." It's more about the fact that it is not skill that it would hurt them not to have.

It does sound like your family is very privileged so I guess it would make sence your children learn things that others consider only those of privilege need to know as a "necessity."

Where do you get shrimp if you don't get it at the store?








Do you catch it yourself?

Yes, my family of choice is privileged, but my family of origin isn't. I know I have to be careful with my children because they will say things like "do you have sushi (or hummus or tons of other things)" to my FOO, and it can be awkward. Consequently when my son said my grandmother's fried chicken wasn't meat because he didn't recognize fried food, it was kind of a weird moment. Geez, I didn't even realize I had so many food issues!

On the coast where I grew up, you get seafood from fresh fish markets...or a guy selling it on the side of the road!


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
My stepfather hated fish.. my mother never ever served it. (did I say that or did I delete it?) In any rate I have tried to teach myself to make fish. After years of trying it seems the only fish I make that my kids will eat is pan fried. Everything else.. just never turns out. We don't eat it all that often... the stuff I like is expensive. DD wants to try salmon but I don't like it. Dh thinks I should let her try it.. but I can't cook it either....Maybe some day we will find a restaurant that serves it. I mean.. we are in the PNW and the kids have been going to see salmon runs all fall!

My husband's not a big salmon eater either. I usually marinate it in either fresh-squeezed lemon and garlic or (much easier) Italian dressing. It tasty less "fishy" that way to him, and he'll eat it. You can get it vacuum-packed in freezer sections. At our grocery store, it's $4.50 for 4 fillets. You could let her try that since you just have to defrost one. Then if she doesn't like it, you can easily give the rest to someone who does and only be out the $4.50.

Fish is very hard to cook. I actually prefer to cook shellfish to finfish because I have a hard time knowing if fish is done.


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
I guess one of the basics I would teach is to make someone in that situation feel comfortable. ...
That goes for both extremes... of being with people that are well above or well below your means.


You make good points. My DH is really great at that. He's never flinched at anything my family's done despite how bizarre some of it seemed to him. When we opted to live in downtown Cincinnati, it amazed me how completely cool he was with everyone given how he grew up. I honestly don't know why. It's not something I think my ILs passed on, and it's not something I see in either of his sisters (his brothers seem to be much better about it, though). Someone actually said to me, once, "I have to give him crediting for being with you. It has to be an odd experience for him."







Yes, our childhoods were *that* different.

I hope I'm teaching my children the same. I know I've talked about teaching them to be "functionally privileged," but I do want them to experience and know people from all strata of society (and to be courteous to everyone no matter how they appear).


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

you can also soak fish in milk before cooking- that takes the fishiness out as well.
baking or broiling are easy ways to cook fish.


----------



## widemouthedfrog (Mar 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
This. I had so many people who were stunned that I was a grown, married woman with a full-time job and a child, and I didn't drive. I was equally stunned at how many people couldn't seem to find their way around their own community _without_ a car...and I'm not talking about the kind of area that's laid out to make it almost impossible to function without a car. Vancouver is generally very transit-friendly.

Yes to this!

I dislike driving, and people are often stunned that we take the bus. It is not very hard! It is also not very hard to find good walking paths in our city. I also know someone who is almost 20 years older than me and can't go out at night because her parents don't drive at night any more.

How about safe walking skills? Wearing reflective clothing and things like yaktrax. I walk as my commute, and when I drive I am constantly scared by people who dress in black and hop out into the road in front of cars.

Also, improvisational cooking. You don't need to cook with all of the ingredients in the recipe. It's ok to substitute/do without instead of running out to the store when you're out of an ingredient. It's ok to cook with what's in the fridge. Interesting meals are invented that way.


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

has talking and being comfortable with a range of diferent age groups been mentioned?

I know lots of teenagers that cant carry on a conversation with an adult.. and adults who can't talk to little kids or teenagers.
I grew up being comortable making interesting conversation with adults and often found other kids my age sort of boring. that was not so cool back then, but it has been useful as an adult- job interviews, professors, etc.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
No, it's not a basic life skill, but you both seemed bent on "I don't do it" versus "I do."

I don't know if you meant me or not, but I'm not "bent" on "I don't do it". I simply can't conceive how any skill that a person can live 41 years, go to school, find employment, have four children and support her family (financially, emotionally, etc.) without ever learning can possibly be called "basic".

Quote:

go to school, I think the bigger skill to be taken from the things listed like skipping rocks and juggling is that all children need to be taught relaxation/coping skills whether that's juggling or meditation or tossing a baseball in the backyard. Coping skills are a really important skill to have to get through adult life.
Of course coping skills are important, but that's not where the poster who mentioned skipping rocks was coming from (according to her). And, in any case, tht means coping skills are important, not that juggling is "basic".

Quote:

Hmm...rather than privilege, it speaks to me of social climbing. DH grew up in an upper middle-class house. They had more than one fork at their house on some nights, and they certainly had been to restaurants of that caliber. I grew up working-class, but my mother taught me how to do things like fold linens and use various forks because she always anticipated I'd enter a social class where it was necessary.

As a student, I was taken by professors and speakers at events to really expensive restaurants. I remember one night being almost in tears (thankfully in the bathroom) because the menu had 4 entree choices, and I didn't know what any of them were. I was starving, and I was terrified either to ask or to order something I wouldn't like. I did once ask a professor I knew really well what something was because the menus were in Italian (and my literacy in Italian is pretty rough), and she said, "you can't read Italian!"
Umm...wow. I hope my kids have the basic social skills not to exclaim over
someone else not being able to speak a particular language. That's _far_ more basic than knowing how to use various forks.

Quote:

Yes, cases like mine may be rare, but I know how much they made me feel unworthy of being at the place where I was *because* I didn't grow up with privilege.
The people who made you feel unworthy are the ones who are/were lacking very basic social skills, not you.

Quote:

Maybe I just have a bias for seafood. I'd eat it everyday if I could. I just can't imagine my children growing up never eating a whole category of a popular food.
I doubt if my sister's kids (other than the oldest, because he's eaten at my place quite a bit) have ever had any kind of fish or seafood. She can't stand the stuff, to the point that the smell of it cooking makes her feel ill. My kids have had crab, shrimp, clams, various fish, etc. - but they don't eat mushrooms, because dh and I both hate them. I will let my kids try them, but I don't become nauseated by the mere smell. I can understand why my sister doesn't offer seafood to her kids...


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I don't know if you meant me or not, but I'm not "bent" on "I don't do it". I simply can't conceive how any skill that a person can live 41 years, go to school, find employment, have four children and support her family (financially, emotionally, etc.) without ever learning can possibly be called "basic".

I think a number of the things listed here aren't basic. I don't think reading a bus schedule is basic, for example. I've never, ever had a reason to even look at a bus schedule. While I'm confident I could and figure it out, it's not something that's relevant to my life at all - and not something I'd think is important to teach my children. And I don't think skipping stones is basic, though the original poster from that comment said she was being a bit tounge-in-cheek about it, too.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Umm...wow. I hope my kids have the basic social skills not to exclaim over
someone else not being able to speak a particular language. That's _far_ more basic than knowing how to use various forks.

Sure, but many of the people I know do work with the assumption that *everyone* knows lots of things that aren't basic. I speak French, so by extension, why wouldn't I know other Romance languages? That was the general thinking there. Heh, I've since learned basic (vacation-worthy) speech & reading on many of the popular languages, though still working on some of them, so that I won't get caught in that type of situation again. Interestingly it's actually come in handy.

By great irony, my son has a beautiful knack for languages and knows many words in Spanish & Swahili, which he loves sharing with other people. He once identified a cat with the French "un gato" when he was about 18 MO just because he'd heard me say it a couple of times, which really floored a lot of the mamas we were with. It was fun just to shrug my shoulders and smile because it's not something we've ever actively taught him.

I know my experiences are weird, but in thinking about what I want to teach my children, I do, as all of us do, use my experiences to guide me. I once was telling someone a story about how my husband's friends are too cerebral for fun by saying "we once went out to a pub and argued about algorithms all night." The person I was telling said "what's an algorithm," and honestly I felt stupid (not exactly the right word, but it won't come to me) for telling the story without realizing that other people wouldn't understand it - much the way I feel when people tell me stories involving pop culture.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
The people who made you feel unworthy are the ones who are/were lacking very basic social skills, not you.

Well, yeah, they are. The people in my field aren't known for their social skills, but I still need/want them as mentors. The bar to entry is based in large part on recommendations and connections with other people, and pretty much everyone in the field is that way.


----------



## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aniT* 
Where do you get shrimp if you don't get it at the store?







Do you catch it yourself?









This part tickles me. I guess most people do get it at the store, and we do now, but I have lived in a coastal community where seafood was something sold at the docks or along the road -- or yes, it was caught by a friend/neighbor/yourself that morning. No one bought it in a grocery store.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
Yes, my family of choice is privileged, but my family of origin isn't. I know I have to be careful with my children because they will say things like "do you have sushi (or hummus or tons of other things)" to my FOO, and it can be awkward. Consequently when my son said my grandmother's fried chicken wasn't meat because he didn't recognize fried food, it was kind of a weird moment. Geez, I didn't even realize I had so many food issues!

On the coast where I grew up, you get seafood from fresh fish markets...or a guy selling it on the side of the road!


Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I hope I'm teaching my children the same. I know I've talked about teaching them to be "functionally privileged," but I do want them to experience and know people from all strata of society (and to be courteous to everyone no matter how they appear).

I also have this goal for my kids! I seek experiences for them that are more typical of both extremes of the social spectrum. I don't want "class" -- which I abhor the idea of anyway -- to ever limit their options in life.

DH amazes me in how he can talk with anyone. He has set trailers for people without indoor plumbing, but also has had university presidents and key political figures on speed dial.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
I grew up being comortable making interesting conversation with adults and often found other kids my age sort of boring. that was not so cool back then, but it has been useful as an adult- job interviews, professors, etc.

I know what you mean. My parents didn't do daycare or anything for us (like I said earlier, the owned their own business) and so, outside of school, a lot of my interactions were with adults. I've always been more comfortable with adults than people my own age...
On a separate note: It made dating hard because the teenage boys I knew were really childish...


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
He once identified a cat with the French "un gato" when he was about 18 MO just because he'd heard me say it a couple of times,

not to split hairs, but I believe that is spanish.. what you meant was le chat.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
I know what you mean. My parents didn't do daycare or anything for us (like I said earlier, the owned their own business) and so, outside of school, a lot of my interactions were with adults. I've always been more comfortable with adults than people my own age...
On a separate note: It made dating hard because the teenage boys I knew were really childish...









Most teenage girls I've ever known have found teenage boys childish, even if they didn't spend a lot of time with adults.

I was always much more comfortable with adults than kids my own age, as well. It was...awkward.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I think a number of the things listed here aren't basic. I don't think reading a bus schedule is basic, for example. I've never, ever had a reason to even look at a bus schedule. While I'm confident I could and figure it out, it's not something that's relevant to my life at all - and not something I'd think is important to teach my children. And I don't think skipping stones is basic, though the original poster from that comment said she was being a bit tounge-in-cheek about it, too.

Fair enough. Our local transit is online now, in any case. I do think navigating public transit is a useful skill to have (if you live somewhere with a reasonably good system), just in case of vehicle breakdown, if nothing else. Mind you, we do live in the age of cellphones, so I guess people probably just call a cab these days.

Quote:

Sure, but many of the people I know do work with the assumption that *everyone* knows lots of things that aren't basic. I speak French, so by extension, why wouldn't I know other Romance languages? That was the general thinking there.
I don't get that thinking at all, but even if I did, that doesn't mean any one particular person is necessarily going to speak any one particular language.

Quote:

Heh, I've since learned basic (vacation-worthy) speech & reading on many of the popular languages, though still working on some of them, so that I won't get caught in that type of situation again. Interestingly it's actually come in handy.
Learning other languages is very useful. I keep meaning to get back to it, but haven't. I had high school French & German - through grad - and a smattering of Spanish...but I never had cause to use it, so most of it is gone. Languages are fun and interesting, but for someone who hates travel and is a bit of a hermit, they're hard to hold onto, yk?

Quote:

He once identified a cat with the French "un gato" when he was about 18 MO just because he'd heard me say it a couple of times, which really floored a lot of the mamas we were with. It was fun just to shrug my shoulders and smile because it's not something we've ever actively taught him.
I'm not sure why anyone would be floored. Kids that age are built for absorbing language. I've heard kids in the under two range say things they've heard once, in some cases weeks or months prior, on more than one occasion. Their brains are total sponges!

Quote:

I know my experiences are weird, but in thinking about what I want to teach my children, I do, as all of us do, use my experiences to guide me.
Understandable. I think this thread has two main topics going on in it - the "what skills are needed to function as an adult" topic and the "what skills do I need to teach my child so he/she can function in our world" topic. They're closely related, but not quite the same. An adult can obviously function (get and keep a job, pay the bills, have relationships, have kids if they want, live in non-squalor, eat healthy food, etc.) without knowing multiple languages, for instance. But, a person can't function in your circle that way.

Quote:

Well, yeah, they are. The people in my field aren't known for their social skills, but I still need/want them as mentors. The bar to entry is based in large part on recommendations and connections with other people, and pretty much everyone in the field is that way.
To each their own. I'm not an ambitious person, and have no desire for a career, so I have trouble imagining a situation where I'd need/want to spend my time around people who are so patronizing and condescending.


----------



## Magelet (Nov 16, 2008)

I haven't read the whole thread, and I'm sure that these have been said a million times but the things that have come up for me in learning to live on my own/run my own house, and watching family and friends do the same are:

Money: Anything you do with money at all, your kids need to know how to do, and don't. How to set up a bank account. How to get a loan. How to know if it is a good loan. How do decide if you should get a loan. How to get and use a credit card. How to not spend all your money. How to save, how to keep track of your money, things you might not think to start saving for right away, honestly I don't even know what you need to know, I'm still learning. I grew up in a family where the parents never ever ever discussed money with children. We were given an allowance and told we should buy our clothes with it to learn to budget. However, we were not taught how to budget, and when the money ran out, they bought us clothes anyways. Its really hard to learn this stuff as an adult.

Food: How to cook basic food, how to menu plan (tied in to money, but also good eating), how to eat healthy. Even basic things. My sister was making pasta, and she cooked the pasta right, and added some butter, but asked me to taste it (I was visiting) and tell her how to fix it because it didn't taste right. "Did you salt it?" So many people forget to salt food or don't know how vital it is to taste.

Procurement of nessecities: Where do you go to buy a cutting board? Socks? a spray bottle for cleaning? Lots of places have these things but where is the most affordable for quality type of place to get them? For the cutting board, the hardware store? target? sur la table? ikea? your local grocery store? As for socks, target? costco? gap? walmart? the shoe store? etc

Cleaning: Everything you clean, even if it seems obvious to you, your kids need to know it needs cleaning. If you don't do ALL of your cleaning (even if you hire a monthly or bi-monthly cleaning person), your kids need to know what and how they clean too!! Things like that the baseboard and blinds need dusting, how often the toilet needs scrubbing, how to fold a fitted sheet, how to clean a tub, how to dust, how to sweep, how to mop, when to mop, when to sweep, when to dust. That every surface needs dusting. This is so important if you had someone to help with cleaning. I have seriously spent so much time googling cleaning, such as how to fold a fitted sheet, or how to clean something, or how often to clean something, because my parents had cleaning people come weekly when I was a kid.

Discipline: How to clean the house when you don't want to and the computer is far more appealing. How to save your money when you really want to spend it. Other things like that.


----------



## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 
Thought of one more...

HOW TO DRIVE IN THE SNOW

Seriously, here in the north east snow is a part of life. And yet, first fluyrry of the year and it's accidnet after accidnet after accident and people in SUVs or whatever else just flying around like it's summer then BAM they're spinning out and end up in a ditch.

Where I live, the basic life skill is: how to always have milk and bread in the house, so that you NEVER, ever have to drive in the snow.









Seriously, the only people that drive in snow are the ones that absolutely have to get to work (doctors, midwives, nurses, EMTs, firemen). Everyone else stays home. Yes, until it melts. Which is usually after noon.


----------



## beadmama (Nov 3, 2007)

I don't know if this has been said yet but Dh can not load the dishwasher to save his life. I always have to go behind him and rearrange so everything can fit.

He also just learned how to cook rice at the ripe old age of 31.









When we got married his Mom apologized to me for doing everything for him.

He had to learn real fast to put his clothes in the hamper or else they were not getting washed and also if he ran out of something he needed to write it on the board or else I would not know. I have to many other things to do than read his mind.


----------



## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Magelet* 
how to fold a fitted sheet

when you're done teaching your kids, can you show me too?


----------



## mran (Dec 9, 2007)

The biggest, most important thing I intend to teach my children:

- How to ask for help so that you can get the job done yourself.

They can ask a person, they can ask google, they can ask a book, I don't care. But they need to have the skills to look at the unknown task in front of them, be it cooking chicken, loading a dishwasher or changing brake pads, and find a resource that will tell or show them how to do it properly, so they can figure it out.

This morning, I took apart my kitchen drain and unclogged it, by myself - okay, my 1 yr old helped. We got a little dirty, but we fixed it, and we saved $75 on a plumber. I used some sort of Handyman book I recieved as a wedding gift and google to figure out how.

I think having the tools to do the research to figure out how to do something you don't know how to do is invaluable. I may not know how to set a formal table, but I can open a book or hop online and learn how to starch and fold cloth napkins and which forks should be where, etc. I may not know how to replace brake pads & calipers, but I can get on to youtube, and save $200 doing it myself, etc, etc.


----------



## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mran* 
The biggest, most important thing I intend to teach my children:

- How to ask for help so that you can get the job done yourself.

They can ask a person, they can ask google, they can ask a book, I don't care. But they need to have the skills to look at the unknown task in front of them, be it cooking chicken, loading a dishwasher or changing brake pads, and find a resource that will tell or show them how to do it properly, so they can figure it out.

This morning, I took apart my kitchen drain and unclogged it, by myself - okay, my 1 yr old helped. We got a little dirty, but we fixed it, and we saved $75 on a plumber. I used some sort of Handyman book I recieved as a wedding gift and google to figure out how.

I think having the tools to do the research to figure out how to do something you don't know how to do is invaluable. I may not know how to set a formal table, but I can open a book or hop online and learn how to starch and fold cloth napkins and which forks should be where, etc. I may not know how to replace brake pads & calipers, but I can get on to youtube, and save $200 doing it myself, etc, etc.

Great post! So true.


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
not to split hairs, but I believe that is spanish.. what you meant was le chat.









Ah, you are correct. He said the French. I don't speak much Spanish, other than the few phrases/words I've used with the kids because unfortunately, it seems more practical than French.


----------



## greenmamapagan (Jan 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadiMamacita* 
when you're done teaching your kids, can you show me too?









and me?


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mran* 
The biggest, most important thing I intend to teach my children:

- How to ask for help so that you can get the job done yourself.

They can ask a person, they can ask google, they can ask a book, I don't care. But they need to have the skills to look at the unknown task in front of them, be it cooking chicken, loading a dishwasher or changing brake pads, and find a resource that will tell or show them how to do it properly, so they can figure it out.

This morning, I took apart my kitchen drain and unclogged it, by myself - okay, my 1 yr old helped. We got a little dirty, but we fixed it, and we saved $75 on a plumber. I used some sort of Handyman book I recieved as a wedding gift and google to figure out how.

I think having the tools to do the research to figure out how to do something you don't know how to do is invaluable. I may not know how to set a formal table, but I can open a book or hop online and learn how to starch and fold cloth napkins and which forks should be where, etc. I may not know how to replace brake pads & calipers, but I can get on to youtube, and save $200 doing it myself, etc, etc.

Honestly, this is how I've learned to cook half of the things I make. I never "learned" how to roast a chicken; I looked it up!


----------



## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

Budgetting


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Honestly, this is how I've learned to cook half of the things I make. I never "learned" how to roast a chicken; I looked it up!

True. I wouldn't think a person would need to know how to cook _everything_, but I do think at least a basic grasp of cooking is very useful...almost necessary (unless they're going to eat out every meal). It can be learned from a book, as almost anything can, but I think it's very helpful to learn the basics with someone to help out, just because things like what meat looks like when it's done, or what overcooked veggies look like, are much easier to show than describe. Learning the basics by trial and error can mean a lot of wasted food, ime. (DH learned most of his cooking from books, but he learned the basics from me.)


----------



## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

lots of good thing mentioned in this thread. things I think it is important to learn before leaving home....

how to be prepared to be stranded in your car in the winter. If you don't live in a cold climate all the more reason to put the fear of God in them and make sure they know to be prepared when traveling to cold climates. it took me a long time to to learn that. Until I got stranded in a sudden blizzard, 6 weeks pregnant in nothing but pajama bottoms and a t-shirt (we were only 90 minutes from home, it was 70 when we left the house). no we keep blankets and boots and coats and hats and a survival kit in the trunk any time we go outside the city limits. kids jump up and take road trips without a lot of planning. they need to know what to do if they are heading for a colder climate.

How to sew. I had a girl scout mom who could not sew on a patch badly. I was embarrassed for her and sad for her kids that she wouldn't learn for them. they worked hard for those patches.

its ok to take a practice run. practice taking the bus/driving/biking/walking where yuou need to go. practice what you will do if you get lost. take a practice trip where you are going and find the place before you important appointment.

How to get health care. I never had health care growing up (we just suffered and used antibiotics collected from friends.) and was floored the firat time I saw a bill. i had no idea how to find a local dr., when and why I should see a Dr. , or how to go about paying.

I want them to know it is ok to ask questions and get help but I also want them to know where that line is between asking for a little help and being an over dependant burden. ask a friend to be your back up on a practice run. ask someone to show you where to get a good deal (my friend actually took my friend and I on a field trip to show us how to shop cheap.). ask the sales guy to draw you a diagram. (speaking of wiring electronics







if he wanted me to buy yhat peice of equipment he was going to have to tell me how to do it. end of story.) Sales people at home depot have been so amazingly helpful I am recently single and have had to do a lot of things for myself that I thought impossible just six months ago. i own a crow bar and am not afraid to use it. thanks to the guy who sold it to me.

I want to teach them that rent/housing payments are a priority. I have had rental property for 8 years and never once have I had a tennant that made rent a priority. Until I tape an eviction notice to the door. I also want to teach them to respect their lease, respect thier rental property and remember it is not theirs, it beongs to the property owner (although they have had enough stuff trashed by tennants and had to go without because we didn't get rent, that they probably already get this). but if your kids are renting anything from anyone please teach them these things!

how to drink responsibly.

how to look things up and how to embrace a sense of adventure without being stupid. I did not know much when I moved out or got married but I wasn't shy about asking how to cook stuff, looking things up, reading books (how much better now that there is the internet and a youtube video for everything!!!), diving right into a new skill. I knew how to do laundry (well to get it reasonably clean. I still don't sort ot check pockets and I am 35...), how not to overdraw a check book, and thats about it. but I am adventurous and figured stuff out.


----------



## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
how to drink responsibly.

That is one that didn't occur to me, and I agree completely.

I'd extend it to, how to know how to handle yourself in situations involving drugs/alcohol. A simple "drugs are bad, mmmkay" is just setting up some college-age disasters. I've known so many people at that age get so far over their heads from not knowing simple, sensible things about drugs and alcohol.


----------



## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
How to sew. I had a girl scout mom who could not sew on a patch badly. I was embarrassed for her and sad for her kids that she wouldn't learn for them. they worked hard for those patches.

I was convinced I couldn't learn to sew because I was left handed. It was too hard to teach.. DON'T touch my machine you just screw it up.. blah blah blah yada yada yada.

I am SO glad they make iron on patches on now.. my oldest daughters brownie vest looked funny.


----------



## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)




----------



## Profmom (Feb 13, 2002)

Just giving a 'bump' to this old thread to see if anyone else is interested in this issue at the moment. My 18yo son is about to embark on life on his own in Germany (a place we lived for years, and he speaks fluent German) to study violin. He'll be on his own much of the time -- and very far from us. He will be living in our apartment there, and spending two days a week in Amsterdam (getting there on the train) with his violin teacher. Amsterdam 'alone' just seems to daunting, but our town in Germany (3 hours by train) is familiar in every dimension. We'll be there on an off, but for the most part, he will be on his own.

We have a few months to go -- so I want to make sure that he has the skills he needs to cope. Ideas? Tips? Experiences? I'd love to restart the discussion.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lilyka*
> 
> How to sew. I had a girl scout mom who could not sew on a patch badly. I was embarrassed for her and sad for her kids that she wouldn't learn for them. they worked hard for those patches.


I learned to sew as a kid. I suck at it, and I hate it. I did sew on ds1's Cub patches, but I didn't do a great job of it. I don't know about the mom you're talking about, but I find sewing really, really, really difficult.


----------



## Mummoth (Oct 30, 2003)

Oh, good thread... and timely too!

My 9 year old is currently learning a bunch of hard lessons. I fired him a week ago... his job was to load and unload the dishwasher and he was complaining a lot, telling me he'd do it 'later', and not doing his job properly. So he learned how NOT to stay employed.

It only took a few days before he realized he's not earning money anymore. He scrounged up all the change he could find & had about $3.00. He found the receipt for a toy he bought just before he lost his job, and tried to convince us to take him to the mall to return it. Then he learned that returns are for things that are broken or haven't been opened and used yet... and also that even if he did manage to return it, $25. won't last him forever.

Now he really wants his job back, so he's been given the chance to earn it... by writing his first resume. He made an effort on it today, but he forgot our phone number, there are some spelling errors he needs to fix and I helped him brainstorm some skills & experience that he needs to type in. He got frustrated and is taking a break, so now he's learning that getting a job can be harder than having a job, and that being self sufficient/responsible is a privilege not a chore. At least I hope that's what he's learning... he'd probably say he's learning that mommy is a mean boss.


----------



## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

has someone said it already? tl:dr....

how to use the library!!!!!


----------



## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

I read only the first page of the thread, but I think people covered most of the important things.

In the category of learning how to find things out, he should know how to use Google, but he might not know which things are good to look up when you live on your own. He should know how to search the website of the city (and provincial?) governments so he knows about trash collection, local taxes and fees, regulations about where to keep your bicycle, pets, and so on. He should know about taxes generally--I don't actually know what taxes they have in Germany, whether there's VAT or whatever, but it's important. I wrote my first budgets on my own without taking taxes fully into account--I thought I was only going to have pay what was taken out of my payroll tax. D'oh!

Where is he going to vote? Does he need to register for that?

Most of the posters on this thread have talked about basics like cleaning and cooking and sewing. You know what your son likes to eat--he should know how to cook his own favorites, so he doesn't have to eat out all the time. (Which he will, of course! You can't stop that--but he shouldn't have to.) If you learned to cook from a certain book, give him that. (Maybe he's going to be at university or conservatory, and they have a mensa, which is inexpensive--but it can't hurt to have the food-from-home option anyway.)

It's pretty easy to navigate Amsterdam, but it's worth getting a map of the city, if he doesn't have an iPhone that makes such a thing automatic. Even though it's a logically-laid-out place with the train station smack in the middle, you can still get lost since at first your landmarks seem to repeat. ("Uh, yeah, he's in the house on the street next to the canal. Whoops.") Amsterdam has bike lanes and people get testy if you stand in them. Speak English, not German, in Amsterdam. I tried speaking Dutch and got guff for having a German accent even though I'm a native English speaker, and that was in the 1990s. It's a really lovely place and I'm envious that he gets to be there two days a week.

I'm sure he's already responsible about drinking and drugs and that he already knows how to carry money so he doesn't get his pockets picked.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Profmom*
> 
> Just giving a 'bump' to this old thread to see if anyone else is interested in this issue at the moment. My 18yo son is about to embark on life on his own in Germany (a place we lived for years, and he speaks fluent German) to study violin. He'll be on his own much of the time -- and very far from us. He will be living in our apartment there, and spending two days a week in Amsterdam (getting there on the train) with his violin teacher. Amsterdam 'alone' just seems to daunting, but our town in Germany (3 hours by train) is familiar in every dimension. We'll be there on an off, but for the most part, he will be on his own.
> 
> We have a few months to go -- so I want to make sure that he has the skills he needs to cope. Ideas? Tips? Experiences? I'd love to restart the discussion.


----------



## JollyGG (Oct 1, 2008)

Quote:


> In the 21 century, I think elementary schools should teach "Cabling" - explaining to students how to connect all their various computer and "home entertainment system" stuff. (Okay - I'm being facetoius, but it does seem to be morphing into a basic life skill.)


I do think that starting at a young age kids do need to learn to be conscientious media consumers. What is the goal of this media? Who puts it out? Where do they get thier information? Etc.

My friends who teach college have to explain to their students all the time how to tell a good website and a poor one for information and how to quote and cite a website in research (hint - you should find where the site got their facts and quote that instead).


----------



## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

One thing my Dad taught me was how to take care of my car. How to change the oil, the tires and spark plugs. Lots of other little things that add up too. My mom taught me time management. I had a roommate who I taught how to do laundry and I had to always help her with time management and how to grocery shop. She taught me girl things my mom left out.


----------



## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

What a great thread.


----------



## Monkey's Mum (May 6, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *JollyGG*
> 
> I do think that starting at a young age kids do need to learn to be conscientious media consumers. What is the goal of this media? Who puts it out? Where do they get thier information? Etc.
> 
> My friends who teach college have to explain to their students all the time how to tell a good website and a poor one for information and how to quote and cite a website in research (hint - you should find where the site got their facts and quote that instead).


 Yes! And Wikipedia is NOT a valid resource for academic papers!


----------



## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

Wow, I can't believe I made it through this entire thread and, although there's lots about shopping for and cooking food, there's nothing about producing it!

My perspective is that producing food has been an essential life skill for the vast majority of human history and that we are in a relatively brief bubble of industrial food production which may soon end, or at least end as we know it. My attitude is also at least partially regional, but here in rural Nova Scotia virtually all the families we associate with do some of their own food production through gardening, farming, hunting, fishing, etc. These are complex skills, too--many take years to learn to do well.

Mass-produced food is getting more and more expensive, even as paychecks get smaller, and many crop systems are susceptible to mass disaster (both oranges and bananas are on the brink of crashing already, for example). I sincerely hope I'm wrong that food production will become a vital life skill again within our children and grandchildren's lifetimes, but I sure wouldn't lay any bets. Therefore my 6 year old knows how to compost leftovers, mulch a raised bed, save seeds, use a cloche, cure a squash, etc etc.


----------



## FarmerBeth (Mar 9, 2011)

Awesome posts, haven't gotten through all of them. Very in agreement with above about food production, cooking, budgeting and good communication with family and friends.

Don't know if anyone said this, but I'd add media literacy, too. I find that even in our very hands on household, with no Facebook or cable/satellite, my kids are still very wired and encounter lots of info via internet, radio, TV and news. We've done a lot of discussing about how advertising works, how everyone has a view point and will present information that backs it. I want them to not take all information at face value and learn how to delve deeper into issues in order to gain the most balanced view points, including (in fact, maybe especially) the view points I share.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *green betty*
> 
> Wow, I can't believe I made it through this entire thread and, although there's lots about shopping for and cooking food, there's nothing about producing it!
> 
> ...


I think those things are great skills to learn. However, some of us can't really make nay practical use of them. If I cleared every other bush out of my "garden" (which I can't do, without the permission of the landlords, anyway), I'd have a space about 4' X 12'....which floods whenever it rains, because of the way the land is sloped. One of my neighbours, who has a bigger space, which doesn't flood (we're in an end unit, and there are various issues with that, with respect to the garden plot) has most of her garden space devoted to veggie production in the summer. That creates a fraction of what her family of four needs, and even with a community garden plot (in short supply - I was on the waiting list for two years running), they don't produce even close to half what they eat....probably under a quarter, by her best estimates. I think those are all great skills, but a person needs access to land to make real use of most of them.


----------



## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

There are lots of good reasons why someone might not garden--especially in an urban setting--and you've hit on a bunch of them, Storm Bride. And I certainly don't mean to imply that everyone should run out and start homesteading! I feel like we garden a lot, but what we actually produce is definitely less than 10% of our food for a family of 3.

I don't think what's most important right now (in general North American culture) is actual food production, but engaging in learning about food production. Depending on circumstance this might include fooling around with different seeds in windowsill pots, countertop composting, indoor/outdoor container gardening, visiting farms and exploring what happens there, buying food from area farmers and teaching yourself some simple preservation methods, helping a neighbour with their garden, reading a gardening memoir, going fishing once in a while... you get the picture.

The reason I think it's so important to be engaged in learning is not because those skills are dead-drop important now, but, I predict, because they will become so in the future. Folks who are modest or amateur gardeners or even those who just read about it will be much better poised to jump into food production if/when they need to.

On top of that, I have a strong personal bias towards building a relationship with your food as a fundamental of living, and that happens with such richer dimension if you make a habit of participating in both cooking AND food production. Deobjectify your food!


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *green betty*
> 
> There are lots of good reasons why someone might not garden--especially in an urban setting--and you've hit on a bunch of them, Storm Bride. And I certainly don't mean to imply that everyone should run out and start homesteading! I feel like we garden a lot, but what we actually produce is definitely less than 10% of our food for a family of 3.
> 
> ...


All very good points. I'd say I'm only about halfway to where I should be on most of those, but at least my kids know where veggies and fruits come from. *sigh*

My last veggie garden was a disaster. I never did seem to have the knack, even as a kid (my mom did garden, and we spent a lot of time on it), but we'll try again next year. The kids love the process! We just need to be a bit more selective...and a bit more proactive about dealing with pests!


----------

