# awkward conversation



## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

I'm in the car with my friend, her husband and their 10 yo DD. I'm describing our house, which they have never seen - we are in different countries. Last year DH and I redid our olive green / orange / brown bathrooms from 1974. We have a full bathroom upstairs and a half bathroom downstairs. When my friends DH hears we have 1.5 bathrooms he says: "DD, did you hear that? 1.5 bathrooms. That's why you need to do your homework and study in school." I said "this is normal in europe" but he just continued "DD, are you listening? You education is so important because...." She wasn't listening. And I stopped talking.

Very curious - if this were you, how would you feel about this conversation? How would you feel about the 10 yo DD, and your friend?


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I don't think I'd feel anything about it. Lots of people encourage their children to work hard so they can have a comfortable home, a nice life. I am not sure why I would feel anything about it one way or another.


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

its a little wierd. I don't really get it since having more than one bath is not unusual in the states. I live in tax credit housing and we have 2 full baths. If he wanted to sound less antiquated and ridiculous he should have led her to aspire to one of those crazy 4 bath places.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baglady (Jul 13, 2009)

I would be offended. The subtext is that you didn't do those things or make something of yourself.

I would probably bring it up with my friend in a non-confrontational way just to see her opinion (when her DH isn't around).


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Very curious - if this were you, how would you feel about this conversation? How would you feel about the 10 yo DD, and your friend?[/QUOTE]

You mean, how would I feel if my house was used as an example of a standard of living to try to avoid? I think I'd feel like getting out of the car, going home, and not spending any more time with them.

Sorry that happened to you. 1.5 bathrooms is pretty normal in the part of the US where I live.

ETA: Um, I think I misinterpreted!


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

I don't get it. 1.5 is a lot or a little?


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## FaithfulOne (Apr 12, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onemomentatatime* 
You mean, how would I feel if my house was used as an example of a standard of living to try to avoid?











I'd be super offended. That was rude, plain and simple.


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## Annie Mac (Dec 30, 2009)

Did he mean get an education so you can have more than 1.5 bathrooms? Or get an education so you can have more than one bathroom? If it's the first, the guy is a bit on the boorish side, isn't he?

For what it's worth, I have a master's degree, and would absolutely LOVE 1.5 bathrooms, but I see only one bathroom in my immediate future.


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## Adamsmama (Oct 24, 2003)

wow -- He seems pretty rude and ignorant.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Um, I just reread your post and realized I misunderstood it. Sorry.









I think I would feel awkward and try to change the subject, too.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Color me confused. My reading of it was that he was saying "you too could have 1.5 bathrooms, so work hard so you could get this lovely luxury." (Says the woman with 1 bathroom).

But then again I could see how someone might be saying "eek! Only 1.5 bathrooms!" (Says the woman whose parents once had a house with... lemme count... 3 full and 2 half bathrooms... ridiculous if you ask me).

If he was saying "eek! Only 1.5 bathrooms!" then I think this isn't even a debate - shame on him.

If he was saying "ooooh, 1.5 bathrooms, work hard and you'll get there" then I think only weird people like me and some of you guys would feel weird about it.


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## ThisCat (Jun 19, 2010)

Which ever way he meant it, I don't think it was a particularly good lesson to teach his child about education. But it sounds like maybe she's not keeping up with her work, and he's a bit exasperated. Anyway, it only would have bothered me if he meant she should work hard so she doesn't end up in a place like mine. The other way around might have made me slightly uncomfortable, but no big deal really.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

what an odd thing to say....If he was saying "get an education or you will have a crappy house like hers" I would be ticked off and I would not have held back telling him so. If he was saying "get an education so you can have a nice house like hers" it would just be awkward. I mean who says stuff like that? Bathrooms are not a measure of success. Although I dream of adding a half bath to my basement....I think our one bathroom may not even qualify as a full bath but then I don't know if this house had indoor plumbing when it was built.

And gees, If I ever make enough money to buy a house that has four+ bathrooms I also better be making enough money to hire a cleaning lady







I can hardly keep up with my one tiny bathroom.


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
If he was saying "get an education or you will have a crappy house like hers" I would be ticked off and I would not have held back telling him so. If he was saying "get an education so you can have a nice house like hers" it would just be awkward.

Ah yes, I went to grad school so that I could up my bathroom quotient.

Honestly, as Americans, we're going to be bit in the ass on this college=financial success thing. I see the posters in my school (high school) all the time: go to college, make more money. Tell that to all the unemployed recent college graduates. Do I still believe in the power of education to transform? Hell, yeah. But, I also think that selling a kid a bill of goods about what material things an advanced education will provide for them is a dangerous road.

OK, rant over.

Yes, OP. I think that the man was rude. Probably pretty oblivious, too.


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## Forthwith (Aug 6, 2007)

I'd be annoyed. I *hate* being used as some sort of standard other people get measured against. I used to have a friend whose mother would compare us all the time. "Look how kelmendi helps me clear off the table!" etc, etc. But I always replied with "Guess my mother must have raised me right!" so she stopped.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

I would actually lay money on hotdog guy being a college student working a summer job.


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## ThisCat (Jun 19, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *staceychev* 
Honestly, as Americans, we're going to be bit in the ass on this college=financial success thing. I see the posters in my school (high school) all the time: go to college, make more money. Tell that to all the unemployed recent college graduates. Do I still believe in the power of education to transform? Hell, yeah. But, I also think that selling a kid a bill of goods about what material things an advanced education will provide for them is a dangerous road.

I agree completely, but we don't know what country this guy is from or where he lives now. While I don't think it was the best thing to tell his child, I could understand why he might feel that way depending on his background. In some places education really does mean a better life.


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## petey44 (Nov 6, 2008)

I don't know- I interpreted it as, "this is a real life example of why you need to learn your decimals. do you understand what she means when she says 1.5 baths? if you had been doing your math homework, you would!"


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

I don't have any feelings so far, because I can't ascertain if 1.5 bathrooms was seen in a bad or good context per your friend's conversation.

If it was meant to be a negative thing, my first response would be: "So what? It's all relative." DH and I bought a $300k apartment in NYC a few years back. It is at the low end of the real estate market, but it's our castle. One bedroom, one bath, crap 1930's tile and ancient plumbing. One bathroom is the norm here and if you have two, well good for you! We feel rich and at home, and if other people feel differently, than that's their problem. I can't get too worked up about how other people perceive our material possessions. They don't live our life and if they are focusing on it as a grading point, then let them work on it, no sweat off my back. I'm already pretty happy.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

add me to the 'need more info' crowd. It's not clear at all what he meant!


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## macandcheese (Jun 22, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *staceychev* 
Ah yes, I went to grad school so that I could up my bathroom quotient.

Now I feel ripped off! I went to grad school and I only have one crummy bathroom. I knew choosing a state school was less prestigious, but I didn't know the consequences would be so dire









OP, I agree with the others-that guy was plain rude either way.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Count me in the bunch who doesn't understand if 1.5 bathrooms is too few or a luxury for this guy.

As for college....a large number of the graduates this year in my state will be working the same crappy job they had before graduation. I'm currently working as a waitress, and work with a large number of people with Bachelor's degrees and a few who have completed grad school. College doesn't guarantee anything, and even a prestigious job might not pay as well as something blue collar.


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## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

I'd never teach my kids that any job was beneath them. I feel that busting your ass at any job is admirable.

My DH never went to college and makes great money. We choose smaller houses so we can put more money in the bank. What a strange thing to say!


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

I thought he meant "you have to learn your fractions".









I was totally confused, obviously!


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## MaerynPearl (Jun 21, 2008)

Im in the crowd of automatically assuming they live in a house with only 1 bathroom. Its how I grew up... every home I have been in except while my step dad was in the Navy was a 1 bathroom house... I now have a home with 2 full baths and feel like I am living in the lap of luxury!

Where I am from having more than 1 bath is a huge luxury.


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## intentionalmama (Aug 23, 2008)

Hi, I thought op you were upset because he was pushing his daughter about not studying; and that

Quote:


Originally Posted by *petey44* 
I don't know- I interpreted it as, "this is a real life example of why you need to learn your decimals. do you understand what she means when she says 1.5 baths? if you had been doing your math homework, you would!"

the above quote was more in line with what I thought he was going on about. I was thinking along the line of understanding fractions or something like that. It's hard for me to imagine someone being so insulting to a friend. But I can see how it could look like that. I think it would be totally appropriate to ask for clarification; as it may not be as bad as it can look.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I'm confused









Was it meant to be rude? or was he making a point that you need to go to school to earn 1.5 bathrooms?

I guess I'd have to _hear_ how he said it.


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## ShyDaisi (Jan 22, 2007)

Definitely up for interpretation...When I read the OP, I thought he was saying that 1.5 baths was a luxury that you could potentially obtain if you worked hard, stay in school, etc. I could see the conversation being awkward, but not rude.

However, if he was saying that she needed to work hard, stay in school, etc. so she isn't stuck with a measely 1.5 bathrooms...That is a completely different ball of wax - extremely rude and I would definitely be offended.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gcgirl* 







I thought he meant "you have to learn your fractions".









I was totally confused, obviously!


That's what I thought he meant too! I don't think any of us can know what he really did mean


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

The OP said it was Europe - my guess is he meant 1.5 is a luxury. Most places there are small, a 300K house might not have a dining room.

I don't think I would find this worth being offended about, or even thinking about beyond considering whether I am living a decadent life with my 1.5 bathrooms.


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## ThisCat (Jun 19, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
The OP said it was Europe - my guess is he meant 1.5 is a luxury. Most places there are small, a 300K house might not have a dining room.

She said they live in different countries and she told him it was the norm in Europe. That sounds to me like he's not from or in Europe.

OP please come back and tell us the answers to your riddle. Pretty please.


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## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2mygirl* 
I don't get it. 1.5 is a lot or a little?

Im with you so far, but Ill keep reading. At this point OP I don't understand what is so awkward.


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## sapientia (Apr 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Aimee** 
I'd never teach my kids that any job was beneath them. I feel that busting your ass at any job is admirable.

My DH never went to college and makes great money. We choose smaller houses so we can put more money in the bank. What a strange thing to say!


yep, exactly.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.

His comment was directed specifically to his DD to teach her a life lesson that if she does not study hard she will end up like me - poor and miserable - because I have only 1.5 bathrooms. Except I actually feel quite comfortable - I mean we have a nice home, a car, can pay bills - no mercedes or yacht.... but I am not poor or miserable.







Number of bathrooms does not equal amount of happiness!

What bothered me so much was that he said this in front of me, but sort of over my head, like I wasn't there or it didn't matter if I was there - Like who cares if I hear something offensive about me, I don't count. It's more important his 10 yo DD get this valuable lesson.

And I also felt embarrased for my dear friend, who would never say such a thing, and even if she thought it, she would discuss it later - in private. And I felt awkward for his DD - who is learning that is OK to talk badly about people in front of their face. And she is learning that 1.5 bathrooms is something to be ashamed of.

I hope that clarifies everything.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

Okay, now with the clarification, I'd be irriated. Really irritated.


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## ThisCat (Jun 19, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
His comment was directed specifically to his DD to teach her a life lesson that if she does not study hard she will end up like me - poor and miserable - because I have only 1.5 bathrooms.

That's how I read your OP but wasn't sure after reading the other responses. While I can totally understand why you felt offended and think it was very rude and inconsiderate, I think there is a cultural component to this issue that makes it a bit more understandable.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

OH WOW.

















I really thought from your initial post that he was holding you up as a GOOD example. I mean, 1.5 bathrooms is good, better than the norm I would think.

What would possess that man to say something like that in front of you?!?!?!?

Awkward indeed.

I have no idea what you say to something like that. Clearly the daughter was embarrassed as well and unsure what to say.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Wow. I went to grad school and my husband has two BAs from an Ivy League school. We have one bathroom.







1.5 bathrooms kind of sounds like heaven to my third trimester "Get the heck out of my bathroom!!!" bladder.









Uhm, yeah he wasn't so polite.


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## ~savah~ (Aug 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.

His comment was directed specifically to his DD to teach her a life lesson that if she does not study hard she will end up like me - poor and miserable - because I have only 1.5 bathrooms. Except I actually feel quite comfortable - I mean we have a nice home, a car, can pay bills - no mercedes or yacht.... but I am not poor or miserable.







Number of bathrooms does not equal amount of happiness!

What bothered me so much was that he said this in front of me, but sort of over my head, like I wasn't there or it didn't matter if I was there - Like who cares if I hear something offensive about me, I don't count. It's more important his 10 yo DD get this valuable lesson.

And I also felt embarrased for my dear friend, who would never say such a thing, and even if she thought it, she would discuss it later - in private. And I felt awkward for his DD - who is learning that is OK to talk badly about people in front of their face. And she is learning that 1.5 bathrooms is something to be ashamed of.

I hope that clarifies everything.

Um yeah, that would irritate me. I would probably end up saying something snide about how they needed to teach manners in college or something like that.


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## homebirthing (Nov 10, 2002)

First of all, can you imagine cleaning eight bathrooms. I don't think that the Dugger's have eight bathrooms!

Second of all, we have 1 1/2 bathrooms and five kids, and it is just fine. Wow, what a rude man.


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## sapientia (Apr 22, 2007)

we have 1.5 bathrooms and 7 people in the house, works just fine. I'd rather not have to clean several bathrooms








I had an acquaintance's dh berate me for having more than 2 children one time-she was horrified and I never spoke to her husband again. It was ridiculous. I'm sorry he was so horrid to you.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

Around here, that person most likely it a college graduate.

We encourage furthering education and not limiting yourself.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
What bothered me so much was that he said this in front of me, but sort of over my head, like I wasn't there or it didn't matter if I was there - Like who cares if I hear something offensive about me, I don't count. It's more important his 10 yo DD get this valuable lesson.

And I also felt embarrased for my dear friend, who would never say such a thing, and even if she thought it, she would discuss it later - in private. And I felt awkward for his DD - who is learning that is OK to talk badly about people in front of their face. And she is learning that 1.5 bathrooms is something to be ashamed of.

I hope that clarifies everything.

Yeah, I'd not send any time with them. The guys behavior makes him sound like an elitist jerk.


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## TheGirls (Jan 8, 2007)

Wow that's pretty horrible. Between my DP and I, we have 4 separate degrees. We had only one bathroom until last week. We've been renovating our basement, so now we have 1.5. We may never have more than that, and we are pretty high income for our area.

What the heck do you do with 8 bathrooms anyhow? Other than hire maids to clean them, that is...


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## ThisCat (Jun 19, 2010)

Quote:

Yeah, I'd not send any time with them.
I'm not sure this is something to end a friendship over. Yes, he behaved poorly, but before I wrote him off, I'd try to look at the reasons education and success might be so important to him that he would forget social graces in order to make a point to his child. Then again, maybe he isn't a very thoughtful person in general. But that wouldn't be my first assumption based on a single incident. I'm sure where he lives and his culture has shaped his feelings about the matter.


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## alfabetsoup (Jun 13, 2005)

Do you know, it's quite possible that your 1.5 bath house is worth more than his 5 bath house. I know our 1 bath house in a European city is worth quite a bit more than most of the mcmansions in the US as are most Manhattan apts--it's all about location! Either way, that was rude, rude, rude.


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## mamadebug (Dec 28, 2006)

Totally rude and weird! What size of home you have depends quite a bit where in the world you live. We live in the SF Bay area and have 1 bathroom. I am sure there are places in the world where we could afford to have a lot more bathrooms or a much larger house. It is so awkward when people use you as an example for their kids. Sorry it happened to you!


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gcgirl* 







I thought he meant "you have to learn your fractions".









I was totally confused, obviously!

Me, too! I thought he was trying to get the point across about knowing decimal point/fraction stuff! Like his dd maybe said "I don't need to know that for real life." I totally didn't get the feeling that he was making a comment about the size of the house.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

His comment was directed specifically to his DD to teach her a life lesson that if she does not study hard she will end up like me - poor and miserable - because I have only 1.5 bathrooms.
Woah. That's super rude. I think when someone starts in with the rude, it's ok to counter with direct - Hi. Still here. I can hear you. That's just...wow. That's low.


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## Ravensong13 (Sep 28, 2009)

Wow! We have 1.5 bathrooms and in the circle I'm in that's a lot!

It's always a shock to see friends having a negative opinion of us that we had no idea they had! I'd ask him if he keeps me as a friend simply to be a cautionary tale to his daughter! Rude, rude, rude


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

AllisonR said:


> I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.
> 
> 
> > wow. 8 bathrooms. I don't even think I have 8 rooms in my house. its funny what people consider a status symbol. I would dread having a home with 8 bathrooms to clean.


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## cschick (Aug 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.

His comment was directed specifically to his DD to teach her a life lesson that if she does not study hard she will end up like me - poor and miserable - because I have only 1.5 bathrooms. Except I actually feel quite comfortable - I mean we have a nice home, a car, can pay bills - no mercedes or yacht.... but I am not poor or miserable.







Number of bathrooms does not equal amount of happiness!

Nor, even in the US, does number of bathrooms mean as much about housing value as say, LOCATION does.

Our house has 2.5 bathrooms, my parents house has 1.5 bathrooms. My parents live in a much more valued area, thus their house which is half the size of ours with 1.5 bathrooms is currently valued at more than ours.

(And 1.5 bathrooms or even 1 bathroom is common for houses in their area, since the houses are over a century old. Many have been retrofitted with more bathrooms--the .5 bathroom in their house is a retrofit--but definitely not all.)


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

Quote:

OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.
Just curious, OP, is your friend originally from India? My understanding is that there are huge class distinctions in India and this would be particularly engrained if you are a native of India, even if you spent years elsewhere. We have old family friends who were originally from India. Before they came here, they lived in a huge colonial-era type house and had servants. They were not upper caste but had some good fortune at one time. The father gave up everything to come to the U.S. so that his children could have better educational opportunities. Education was seen (at least by this family) as the only way to improve your personal status. If you were not born into a good situation, you had to work on making yourself better, especially in the eyes of everyone else. I think that in the western world is much easier to brush off what we consider strictly consumeristic status as long as we are "happy." While it is true that we have class systems here, I don't think that class has such a hold on our psyches as it may in places like India. Just some random thoughts.


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## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?

If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I think it's rude if they really meant if you don't do well in school, you'll only end up with 1.5 bathrooms. WTF does that have to do with anything? Neither DH and I have finished college - and we happen to live in a 5 bed/3 bath big house. Odd. I do agree the kid probably didn't get it (or care). Kids don't think about how many freakin' bathrooms they will have as an adult.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laila2* 
I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?

If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.

What if they did? I'm sorry but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about over an honest days work.

I am teaching my son that different people have different jobs because different things need to be done and we all have a job to do. Jobs are different and necessary - not right and wrong.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laila2* 
I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. *I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?*
If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.

Might not be a bad thing! We know a plumber that has a porta potty business and he makes tons of money.

OP - I would look to the father's intentions. Do you think he was intentionally putting you down? Or was it simply an awkward attempt to convey a point to his daughter?

Within my family, there are HUGE cultural differences relating to money and education that have caused friction between friends and relatives.


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## ladymeag (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laila2* 
I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?

If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.

I worked at a large porta-potty company in the PacNW and the drivers and route guys (cleaning the potties) made more than the college-degreed people working with me in the accounting department - by more than double! They had better hours, more holiday and vacation days, better medical insurance coverage and more job security than the office-folk (drivers are union, office isn't).

Just saying, a college degree doesn't always mean that you'll be better off than someone else. It just means that you put more time and resources into your education - which I consider to be a good thing, education is extremely important to us.

To the OP: I don't think I could continue to be friends with someone who uses me as an example of "this is how you don't want to live." It shows a general disrespect for you, as a person, doing what you can and what is normal within your culture and environment. As an example of "Aren't we so lucky to have so many more bathrooms than that?" or "Isn't it interesting how different houses are in different parts of the world?" would be fine. However, as a "This is why you get a good education; so you don't live like Meaghan does."? How offensive.


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## Mama2Bug (Feb 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
What if they did? I'm sorry but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about over an honest days work.

I am teaching my son that different people have different jobs because different things need to be done and we all have a job to do. Jobs are different and necessary - not right and wrong.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

There are definitely plumbers that make good money. They make more than a lot of teachers who have masters in education - and most parents don't discourage that field.


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

wow. I totally misunderstood. Did your friend apologize? I would have a hard time not reporting that success apparently can't buy good manners
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

OP i am familiar with the culture.

so it does not offend me.

i am assuming that he came from a v. poor background in india.

and for him money means survival. money means freedom from hunger. which to me explains 8 bathrooms.

i see that from the indians i know who run 711 gas stations working 14 to 16 hours a day.

to me it shows love for his children. a wierd way to do it. it shows me how important this is - so much that he forgets where he is and how he speaks. it shows how deeply this affects him and how scared he is for his children.

if i did not have that cultural understanding, i would think differently too.


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

Yeah, I second, or third, lol....the theory that there absolutely no shame in a hard days work, I dont care if you are a janitor cleaning toilets. Not everyone has the desire to go to college, much less the opportunity. It doesnt make them less than anyone else!

Rant over/ Back to the bathroom thing......I have looked far and wide for a house in this city with more than one bathroom. It seems hard to come by for some reason, unless you get a newer house. LOL Our last house was a 4 bedroom with only one bathroom.







( I do prefer older homes, for personal reasons though, maybe that is it...)
Right now we have an adorable house with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. We live in a great area and I love it! I just dont get the bathroom shame. LOL

So strange to me to judge people like that.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

I would just hope that when that 10-year-old gets that extensive education, it helps her to realize that 8 bathrooms is a colossal waste of finite resources.

(Says a woman with 2 degrees and several other qualifications and whatnot, a husband with a PhD, and one bathroom.)

There will come a day in the not-too-distant future when excess is universally derided as crass. I for one cannot wait. I understand the desire of those with little to aspire to more, but there's no excuse for overdoing it. Stockpile gold bullion if you must, but lay off the bathrooms.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *staceychev* 
Ah yes, I went to grad school so that I could up my bathroom quotient.

Honestly, as Americans, we're going to be bit in the ass on this college=financial success thing. I see the posters in my school (high school) all the time: go to college, make more money. Tell that to all the unemployed recent college graduates. Do I still believe in the power of education to transform? Hell, yeah. But, I also think that selling a kid a bill of goods about what material things an advanced education will provide for them is a dangerous road.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

In the current economy we have, I'd bet that chances are at least 50/50 that he DID go to college. Given that you spotted this in AZ ( I live there too) I'd also bet he is probably a teacher that got RIF'd.


----------



## wookie (Dec 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
OP i am familiar with the culture.

so it does not offend me.

i am assuming that he came from a v. poor background in india.

and for him money means survival. money means freedom from hunger. which to me explains 8 bathrooms.

i see that from the indians i know who run 711 gas stations working 14 to 16 hours a day.

to me it shows love for his children. a wierd way to do it. it shows me how important this is - so much that he forgets where he is and how he speaks. it shows how deeply this affects him and how scared he is for his children.

if i did not have that cultural understanding, i would think differently too.

i agree with this. i think it has everything to do with the cultural mulieu that they live in. (i grew up in that milieu as well







) for him, teaching his daughter that studies are paramount is something that is non-negotiable. even if his daughter is a straight A+ student there's always scope for her to be better...because there are millions that *are* better than her gradeswise. if she isn't spectacular she's basically average. also, in that culture praising your own kid in front of others is akin to tooting your horn, so rude. he may have been trying to show you he was humble
















he should've had more tact, agreed, but it's best to chalk this up to culture and move on.

ETA: anyone who has 8 bathrooms isn't even thinking about cleaning them. no-one but hired helps (still called servants







) clean bathrooms in india.


----------



## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wookie* 
ETA: anyone who has 8 bathrooms isn't even thinking about cleaning them.

I *only* have 6 but I clean them all.


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.

Many of DH's co-workers are from India, and they say things like this all the time. "Let me tell you about the castle I lived in in India..." (Seriously, someone said that to me at a company picnic.) I mostly ignore the stories because one of DH's friends (also Indian) told us that it's not really true, but that many of DH's co-workers realize no one will know the difference!


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Super rude!!! I'd NEVER want 8 bathrooms. Wow. I would've had to spout off to that guy. The nerve.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

all I can say is I have 3 bathrooms in a small house. The house is too small for us, but we barely use the 3rd bathroom...it's just one more thing to clean that doesn't benefit us. I'd gut the bathroom and make it a closet if I owned. I'd be very happy with 1.5 baths.


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## outlier (Sep 29, 2008)

I also think this is more a cultural difference issue than anything. My family and friends from India see nothing at all wrong with pointing out things that Americans would find highly offensive. Whenever I gain or lose any weight, especially gain, it's pointed out to me and widely discussed. I'm routinely asked all about the acne on my face. They've mostly given up trying to tease me into wearing better clothes or cook better foods because I just don't care. They're not necessarily trying to make me feel terrible (though they often succeed); that's just the way it's done over there.







Please know I'm not trying to condone this behavior--I still find it extremely rude and irritating!

I'm happy in my 1-bathroom house, despite what my ILs may think about it. And it's true, bathroom cleaning and most housekeeping duties are done by the "servants" in India.


----------



## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Oooh! Oooh! I think I might win the education:bathroom ratio contest. Between us, dh and I have: two Ivy League undergrad degrees, one master's degree, one PhD, and a law degree from a top-five law school. We have exactly ONE bathroom.









This whole conversation reminds me of an incident with my MIL. My parents, who are city dwellers, finally bought an apartment after years and years of renting. Their new apartment is GORGEOUS. It only has one bathroom, however, where the rental had two. After we saw it for the first time with the ILs, my MIL went on and on (like, for days) about how she didn't understand how they could go from two bathrooms to one. She simply could not wrap her mind around it.


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## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
What if they did? I'm sorry but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about over an honest days work.

I am teaching my son that different people have different jobs because different things need to be done and we all have a job to do. Jobs are different and necessary - not right and wrong.









you got that right!

I can't believe some of the stuff people are telling thier kids, how snobbishly rude can you be?


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Quote:

I *only* have 6 but I clean them all.
Really? 6 bathrooms? That fascinates me. Do you have a whole bunch of kiddies, or live in a hotel or something? Do you find you use them all, or just a couple of the most convenient ones?

I only have one bathroom, and rented at that, so I can't wrap my head around six. or eight. Eight is more rooms than I have in my _house_. And I have a degree. Fascinating.


----------



## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
Really? 6 bathrooms? That fascinates me. Do you have a whole bunch of kiddies, or live in a hotel or something? Do you find you use them all, or just a couple of the most convenient ones?

I only have one bathroom, and rented at that, so I can't wrap my head around six. or eight. Eight is more rooms than I have in my _house_. And I have a degree. Fascinating.











We do use them all, especially when entertaining which is a LOT. Last weekend and this weekend we have 4-6 overnight guests. Sunday I had 25 people here. You need potties!









I have one in the basement - which is nice because I have a bedroom down there so guests don't have to go upstairs to shower.

I have two on the main level. For large parties this is really a must - a normal dinner party for us is 12-14, parties are usually 25-40. Plus, if you are at one end of the house it would be a PITA to walk all the way to the other to go to the bathroom.

Upstairs the master and the guest room have their own bathrooms and 2 bedrooms share a bath. Again, awesome when I have a housefull of people which is often.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
I have two on the main level. For large parties this is really a must - a normal dinner party for us is 12-14, parties are usually 25-40. Plus, if you are at one end of the house it would be a PITA to walk all the way to the other to go to the bathroom.

This is a normal night at my grandparents' house. Having 40 people over on Sunday to eat is nothing, but you know, they manage without 6 bathrooms. It's just not even a luxury I think I would splurge on. I'd spend more on a larger library for my house or upgrade the sunroom or something before I would pay to have 6 bathrooms.


----------



## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VisionaryMom* 
This is a normal night at my grandparents' house. Having 40 people over on Sunday to eat is nothing, but you know, they manage without 6 bathrooms. It's just not even a luxury I think I would splurge on. I'd spend more on a larger library for my house or upgrade the sunroom or something before I would pay to have 6 bathrooms.

Well, we didn't build this house or remodel it, it came this way. We love the layout and the location and it works for us. YMMV and that's ok.









I just started out trying to show that some people have that many baths and still clean them. In no way do I think they are necessary or a status symbol but they are convenient. That's all.


----------



## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
Well, we didn't build this house or remodel it, it came this way. We love the layout and the location and it works for us. YMMV and that's ok.









I just started out trying to show that some people have that many baths and still clean them. In no way do I think they are necessary or a status symbol but they are convenient. That's all.









I'm with you! I *only* have 4 bathrooms but we just moved into this place we won at an auction. It's a tiny McMansion, but it has the space and design that suits us very well. I get irked when people look down on me for my house....I guess everyone can feel slighted by others for their own judgements. We got a lot of "Well I'd never live in a development" from people. Oh well, then don't!

Threadjack...

I do agree about the culture. I've met several people from different parts of Asia and one group from S Korea feel free to make comments to my obese brother about his eating. They don't say anything to me and I'm fat. It's just "acceptable" to make comments about him as a single man. My brother certainly doesn't like it but he knows it's their way.


----------



## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VisionaryMom* 
This is a normal night at my grandparents' house. Having 40 people over on Sunday to eat is nothing, but you know, they manage without 6 bathrooms.

We're renting a single-family home that has two full baths and one half bath. I can't recall a single instance during any party in which more than one bathroom was needed. Nobody ever goes downstairs or upstairs to use the bathroom, even when there are more than a couple of dozen people here. They use the one on the main floor. How many people can possibly need to potty at the same time? Even when someone is sort of waiting to use the bathroom and I remind them that there are two other ones, they would rather just wait a couple of minutes.









Last year when my grandma passed away, there were six extra people staying in her house, plus my uncle who lives in it, and a few other relatives that were staying in a nearby motel but spending most of the day at the house. That house has one bathroom in it. It wasn't an issue.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
We're renting a single-family home that has two full baths and one half bath. I can't recall a single instance during any party in which more than one bathroom was needed. Nobody ever goes downstairs or upstairs to use the bathroom, even when there are more than a couple of dozen people here. They use the one on the main floor. How many people can possibly need to potty at the same time? Even when someone is sort of waiting to use the bathroom and I remind them that there are two other ones, they would rather just wait a couple of minutes.









Last year when my grandma passed away, there were six extra people staying in her house, plus my uncle who lives in it, and a few other relatives that were staying in a nearby motel but spending most of the day at the house. That house has one bathroom in it. It wasn't an issue.

What difference does it make? The poster said they have a lot of company and many bathrooms which was an asset. When did this become a pissing contest about who *needs* how many potties and if they're "allowed" to have them....

I really don't get this holier-than-thou, "this is how many bathrooms I would have, dang nabbit!" thing going on here.


----------



## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
What difference does it make? The poster said they have a lot of company and many bathrooms which was an asset. When did this become a pissing contest about who *needs* how many potties and if they're "allowed" to have them....

I really don't get this holier-than-thou, "this is how many bathrooms I would have, dang nabbit!" thing going on here.

I seriously just cannot imagine six bathrooms all being in use at the same time. She said they all get used.

But thanks for projecting your anger onto my post. *I* wasn't being pissy.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

I'm not saying you were pissy at all! Really! I just read through this thread which had a legit question and people are getting weird about "I would Never have X amount of bathrooms!" Just strange to me!


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

All I know is that every time ChristyMarie says something about her house I want to be invited to a party or at least want to see pics of it.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Good grief.









For the record...they were mostly all in use at the same time Sunday as 12 adults and 12 children had to go to the bathroom at pretty much the same time as we were getting ready to walk to the fireworks.

In the morning, when everyone is trying to shower and get dressed and such at the same time after an overnight party, yes, I'll have several people using bathrooms at the same time.

Hope that clears it up for y'all. Carry on...









*Drummer's Wife*...Come on over! This last weekend was a very fun time. Outdoor candlelight gourmet picnic Saturday night, 4th of July party and private fireworks Sunday. It was awesome


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## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

I just do not like getting human excrement dirty so the porta potty example is indeed a good example for us. I have had the hardest time with leaky diapers, and throw-ups. I am aware those jobs pay well, but the toillett picker upper seemed like a good example to the kids at the time.

edit to say I did not mean to offend anyone and I am not offended either


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## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife* 
All I know is that every time ChristyMarie says something about her house I want to be invited to a party or at least want to see pics of it.









Me too!


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laila2* 
I just do not like getting human excrement dirty so the porta potty example is indeed a good example for us. I have had the hardest time with leaky diapers, and throw-ups. I am aware those jobs pay well, but the toillett picker upper seemed like a good example to the kids at the time.

I'm not offended, but I'm curious....

Would you also warn your kids to not be a surgeon or a nurse, because that can be icky, too? What if your kids wanted to be a rancher or open up a dog kennel? Lots of poop involved there

What's the difference, other than how society views the job of a Porta Potty guy?


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I'm pretty sure this doesn't qualify as a McMansion only because it is too weird, but if I ever win the lottery I am totally buying this house. I really won't care that people will think I have too many bathrooms. I would be able to host the coolest parties ever in the history of ever.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

The number of bathrooms is ok but the price tag on that.....holy moly! Even if I was a bazillionaire I'm not sure I'd be ok spending that much money on a house. I'm too cheap to do it.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wytchywoman* 
The number of bathrooms is ok but the price tag on that.....holy moly! Even if I was a bazillionaire I'm not sure I'd be ok spending that much money on a house. I'm too cheap to do it.

You don't live near San Francisco. Given the location, size, and history I'm surprised it isn't way higher.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rightkindofme* 
I'm pretty sure this doesn't qualify as a McMansion only because it is too weird, but if I ever win the lottery I am totally buying this house. I really won't care that people will think I have too many bathrooms. I would be able to host the coolest parties ever in the history of ever.









I wouldn't want four floors, but I like the layout, in general.

The price is ugly, but I know what you mean. We definitely have places around here that run for that. I don't think we're as pricey as San Francisco, but I don't think I've seen a house - not even a rundown, small, old one - offered for less than $600,000 in several years.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

I'd rather have one bathroom than bad manners.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rightkindofme* 
I'm pretty sure this doesn't qualify as a McMansion only because it is too weird, but if I ever win the lottery I am totally buying this house. I really won't care that people will think I have too many bathrooms. I would be able to host the coolest parties ever in the history of ever.










That house is amazing! You could have unbelievable parties there.

I love that this thread has gone from an insensitive comment to real estate postings.








Sorry OP!


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

Isn't Bill Gates a college dropout?


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

I just have to point out that even if you did have 6 bathrooms, you couldn't all take a shower at once without somebody being cold. I know this from my parents and friends houses.

I dont care how many bathrooms you have, but if you think that makes you better than me, I take offense to that.
I may only have one bathroom. but I am a full time working adult who makes good money and I am the daughter of a doctor.
Just don't judge, cause you have no idea. Thats all I see is the problem here.

Have as many bathrooms as you feel necessary.

ETA: Laila2, my post is not directed towards you at all, its just a general statement. I am not feeling snarky or upset or offended at all. I just like having a good healthy debate.


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mountaingirl79* 
I just have to point out that even if you did have 6 bathrooms, you couldn't all take a shower at once without somebody being cold. I know this from my parents and friends houses.

I imagine a house with 6 bathrooms would also have some of those neat tankless water heaters- heats the water as you need it, noone gets cold! How I wish I had one of those at my house...


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

I dont know, maybe nowadays. LOL I was thinking of when I stayed with my BFF at her dad's house back in the 90's and her mom told us to stagger our showers or we wouldn't have hot water. ( They had 5 bathrooms)

And also when I was a kid we had two and a half baths and my mom would say the same.

I guess your mileage may vary? Or an urban myth? haha


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## WifeofAnt (May 2, 2010)

Huh... when I lived with my parents there were regularly 12+ people there and I only remember at most once a day where both bathrooms (1.5 of them) were being used at the same time. Most of those were because someone was in the shower in the middle of the day. They're thinking of putting a third one in but never got around to it.

In our apartment though I doubt we even have 6 rooms. Bedroom, living room, kitchen/dining, bathroom, closet, hallway... Exactly 6 actually. Still, even in my aunt and grandma's neighborhoods where houses are easily half a million to a million dollars I've never seen more than 2.5 bathrooms in a house.

(A quick google search shows 6-13 bathroom houses near Lake Austin. 2 million to 13 million dollars. I'm sorry but you need more than a basic college education for those, you need to be a CEO or something.)


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oubliette8* 
I imagine a house with 6 bathrooms would also have some of those neat tankless water heaters- heats the water as you need it, noone gets cold! How I wish I had one of those at my house...


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mountaingirl79* 
I just have to point out that even if you did have 6 bathrooms, you couldn't all take a shower at once without somebody being cold. I know this from my parents and friends houses. ...

For the record...

We have two gigantic hot water heaters that keep up nicely. I can also run the dishwasher, the washing machine and shower at the same time. Awesome.

They both died (on the same day, thankyouverymuch) last year and we wanted to put in tankless but were told that those do not work for this kind of demand. We'd need a ton of units to even hope to keep up. I guess they are designed for lower-demand set ups. Plus they were very expensive.

Once again, hope I clarified, carry on...


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
For the record...

We have two gigantic hot water heaters that keep up nicely. I can also run the dishwasher, the washing machine and shower at the same time. Awesome.


We've got a tankless hot water heater for our measly 3.5 bathrooms.


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
We've got a tankless hot water heater for our measly 3.5 bathrooms.

Really? Then you'd think we'd just need 2. We had two different companies out here for estimates and they both told us the same thing - that it just would not work for our house and we'd never keep up with demand and that we would not be able to run things at the same time. How odd. Oh well, the two normal ones were about the same cost as one tankless if I remember correctly.


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

My college-educated friend spent a summer stint as a baseball mascot. In this economy, anything is possible.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
Yeah, I'd not send any time with them. The guys behavior makes him sound like an elitist jerk.

He probably grew up poor. It's not an excuse for his behavior. Just a (possible) explanation. Even elitist jerks carry their baggage.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
For the record...

We have two gigantic hot water heaters that keep up nicely.

Why do you need to heat your hot water?


----------



## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momasana* 
I'd rather have one bathroom than bad manners.

Perfect response!


----------



## ThisCat (Jun 19, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
Why do you need to heat your hot water?









Probably for the same reason people need to get their money from ATM machines using their PIN numbers.


----------



## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThisCat* 
Probably for the same reason people need to get their money from ATM machines using their PIN numbers.



















And the same reason people contract the HPV virus.


----------



## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 









And the same reason people contract the HPV virus.









Iam sooo lost. Can someone please explain


----------



## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BunnySlippers* 
Iam sooo lost. Can someone please explain









They're mocking redundancies. HPV virus = human papillomavirus virus. ATM machine = automatic teller machine machine. PIN number = personal identification number number.


----------



## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 
They're mocking redundancies. HPV virus = human papillomavirus virus. ATM machine = automatic teller machine machine. PIN number = personal identification number number.


And a water heater heats, well, HOT water.


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## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

oooohhh! got it


----------



## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

I would be offended, but I would also assume that the dude was either very socially oblivious or that his culture is more accepting of this sort of remark/attitude.


----------



## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

I appreciate a challenge. Thank you for clarifying. I would not discourage my kids from being a doctor. To me blood is not as bad as stuff from the vowels. blood does not smell fowl to me. And my son and I had a discussion about being a dentist the other day. He has a facination with my teeth these days. So I let him touch them. And I explained to him that being a dentist means putting your hands in other people's mouth all day. And my daughter wants a dog, and a horse. I show her people picking up their dog poop while walking the dog all the time to show her what that entails. And tell her a horse is tons of work. But I let them know when they are older they can do whatever they want. I think the draw of delivering babies attracts my daughter. Maybe she would not have to change bed pans forever. She would be a good nurse, born on the same day as Mother Teresa.


----------



## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *petey44* 
I don't know- I interpreted it as, "this is a real life example of why you need to learn your decimals. do you understand what she means when she says 1.5 baths? if you had been doing your math homework, you would!"

If it takes until college to figure that out, the rest of the child's education was a complete waste of time. And they should've been let out of their bedroom more often.


----------



## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelmendi* 
I'd be annoyed. I *hate* being used as some sort of standard other people get measured against. I used to have a friend whose mother would compare us all the time. "Look how kelmendi helps me clear off the table!" etc, etc. But I always replied with "Guess my mother must have raised me right!" so she stopped.

















Love it!


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
OP i am familiar with the culture.

so it does not offend me.

i am assuming that he came from a v. poor background in india.

and for him money means survival. money means freedom from hunger. which to me explains 8 bathrooms.

i see that from the indians i know who run 711 gas stations working 14 to 16 hours a day.

to me it shows love for his children. a wierd way to do it. it shows me how important this is - so much that he forgets where he is and how he speaks. it shows how deeply this affects him and how scared he is for his children.

if i did not have that cultural understanding, i would think differently too.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *wookie* 
i agree with this. i think it has everything to do with the cultural mulieu that they live in. (i grew up in that milieu as well







) for him, teaching his daughter that studies are paramount is something that is non-negotiable. even if his daughter is a straight A+ student there's always scope for her to be better...because there are millions that *are* better than her gradeswise. if she isn't spectacular she's basically average. also, in that culture praising your own kid in front of others is akin to tooting your horn, so rude. he may have been trying to show you he was humble
















he should've had more tact, agreed, but it's best to chalk this up to culture and move on.

ETA: anyone who has 8 bathrooms isn't even thinking about cleaning them. no-one but hired helps (still called servants







) clean bathrooms in india.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *outlier* 
I also think this is more a cultural difference issue than anything. My family and friends from India see nothing at all wrong with pointing out things that Americans would find highly offensive. Whenever I gain or lose any weight, especially gain, it's pointed out to me and widely discussed. I'm routinely asked all about the acne on my face. They've mostly given up trying to tease me into wearing better clothes or cook better foods because I just don't care. They're not necessarily trying to make me feel terrible (though they often succeed); that's just the way it's done over there.







Please know I'm not trying to condone this behavior--I still find it extremely rude and irritating!

I'm happy in my 1-bathroom house, despite what my ILs may think about it. And it's true, bathroom cleaning and most housekeeping duties are done by the "servants" in India.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
I'm with you! I *only* have 4 bathrooms but we just moved into this place we won at an auction. It's a tiny McMansion, but it has the space and design that suits us very well. I get irked when people look down on me for my house....I guess everyone can feel slighted by others for their own judgements. We got a lot of "Well I'd never live in a development" from people. Oh well, then don't!

Threadjack...

I do agree about the culture. I've met several people from different parts of Asia and one group from S Korea feel free to make comments to my obese brother about his eating. They don't say anything to me and I'm fat. It's just "acceptable" to make comments about him as a single man. My brother certainly doesn't like it but he knows it's their way.

Well up to the last comment there I was going to go on a tirade about sexism.

And because the husband in the original post thought it was OK to talk over the OP







I still think it's plain old sexism.

It's always OK to disrespect the little lady.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

If a country is such that having a college degree gets you a home with 8 bathrooms, I'd think the lesson to be learned is to be grateful the rest of the populace is poverty stricken enough to be cheap labor and not be out buying their own houses that'll take up the room you're using for your mansion.

Vs. a country where everyone has 1-2 bathrooms and no one starves.


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

I find it odd to value having a lot of bathrooms if your goal is to avoid starvation. It seems like the objective is to have a luxurious lifestyle. If he grew up poor why wouldn't he use his suffering in childhood as an example?


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## seawind (Sep 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
If a country is such that having a college degree gets you a home with 8 bathrooms, I'd think the lesson to be learned is to be grateful the rest of the populace is poverty stricken enough to be cheap labor and not be out buying their own houses that'll take up the room you're using for your mansion.

Vs. a country where everyone has 1-2 bathrooms and no one starves.

the irony is that this cheap labor supplies the bulk of the goods at low prices for people of countries where everyone has 1-2 bathrooms and no one starves. something to be grateful for. it takes a lot more to level the playing field than just a basic college education. it does help your lot, though.

OP, this sounds like one of those situations where people really don't think before speaking.


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## Girlprof (Jun 11, 2007)

This sounds like a cultural thing to me too. If you're going to have friends from other cultures - real friends, not just acquaintances - you're going to run into stuff like this. We certainly do with US-German friendships and I imagine the gaps are smaller than they would be with India.

Sometimes we ignore this stuff, especially if we know it's a cultural thing and not so important. With close friends, we might launch a big discussion. That takes time and emotional investment so it's not always worth it, but sometimes it is. It's not that at the end we agree that a particular comment was ok or not ok, but we can agree that it is different in the competing cultures. But, I really don't think you are going to find too many cross-cultural friendships without some of this sort of thing. If you want that kind of friendship, you have to figure out how to deal with this stuff when it matters to you.

In any case, your answer that 1.5 is normal for Europe, is a perfectly reasonable one. Different culture, different norms.


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