# Your parents reactions to not circ'ing?



## UberMama (Feb 27, 2007)

I understand some people do not share such decisions with their parents, and I respect that.









On the other hand, if you share such things with your parents or mother and father in law -- what were their reactions to you not circ'ing your DS('s)?

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My parents were 110% supportive. My Dad isn't circ'd, so both of my parents felt it was unnecessary, since I guess it's what they knew. My Dad was happy with our decision, gently sharing (as gently as he could share..) that he thinks not being circ'd was helpful to him in the love making dept. Not something a daughter wants to hear about, but reassuring in a sense, I guess.









My in-law's? My father in law couldn't care less. As long as my DS's were happy and healthy, that's all he cared/cares about. My mother in law on the other hand was shocked at our decision. She got her son's circ'd, my husband included of course, so she thought our decision was disgusting and strange.







: I know she still thinks that today. She didn't even try and understand our decision in not circ'ing. She backed off flapping her mouth about it when I told her cutting off a piece of my baby at birth was the cruelest concept ever. _(The same MIL that thought extended BFing was the second strangest thing we had ever done. Why bother when formula existed, or even cow's milk for after a year old? D'oh.














_


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## Daisyuk (May 15, 2005)

That sounds defensive to me, she feels that you are (quite rightly) criticising her for what she did and doesn't want to have to deal with any guilt.


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## Mommiska (Jan 3, 2002)

Leaving our son intact was a big non-event, really! My dh is British and intact - his Mum would have hit the roof if I'd wanted to cut off part of her grandson's body for no reason (and rightly so!







).

My mom noticed, of course, when I changed ds's diaper right after she'd arrived to visit after his birth. Both of my brothers are circed, but she told me then that my Dad wasn't.

She did say that she'd thought circumcision was something you 'had to do' when you had a baby boy (which is strange, since obviously Dad was fine being intact - but back then, when doctors told you something had to be done, I guess you just didn't question it).

Mom didn't say anything one way or the other about it - I think she felt that it was just up to the parents.

After listening to me rant about circ on and off over the past 3.5 years, though, I think she finally 'gets it', and she was as thrilled as I was when my nephew was born earlier this year and was left intact.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

I am REALLY nervous about this. My son is due in July and there's NO WAY I'm cutting off part of his body w/out his permission. I think it's one thing if (for some strange reason) he chooses to have it done when he's older, but doing something like that just seems ridiculous to me.

My mother is VERY anti-circ... she witnessed a circ when she was in the hospital after having my sister or me, so I know I'm well supported there. My dad, on the other hand, is VERY pro-circ, but doesn't change diapers, so I think I can skirt the issue with that one. He's also pretty religious, so I think I may be able to go the "God put it there, who am I to have it cut off?" route if it comes to that.

My nervousness comes to my husband's family. My husband didn't seem to care too much when I stated my case against circ, even though he's circ'd though he seemed a little worried about how to explain why his looks different from his sons. I explained that IF it comes to that (which... I'm not sure they'll be comparing by the time our son is old enough to be asking those types of questions and REALLY mean it), we can just tell him the truth... That when daddy was born, they removed part of his penis because that's what everyone thought you should do back then but now we know that's silly (not to mention cruel) and so we didn't do it to him. Buuut... I really don't want to deal with my mother-in-law. I don't want her in the room when I'm changing diapers, I don't want to have that conversation at all, I don't want her to ask when we're in the hospital "how is his circumcision scar doing?" because I'm not sure I can react reasonably and just tell her "we don't do that." What I really want to say, is that we didn't circ my daughter, so why on earth would I do that to my son? But I know that's just going to start an arguement/discussion about what she sees as pro's and I'm going to get very frustrated trying to set her straight.














I was worried before, but at a family gathering recently, I heard her and a couple other people talking about how one of dh's cousins "hadn't even had a chance to get him [her son] circ'd yet" because he'd been so sick during his first year. UGH! The sad part is that she actually STILL WANTS TO HAVE IT DONE! Even after a year. I don't think I've ever been this nervous about my inlaws finding out about something EVER.


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## drnmd1216 (Jan 9, 2004)

My parents didn't say anything...I don't think they really cared either way (although they got my brother circ'ed, I think they were just told it had to be done).

My mil flipped out and told us that if we ever saw the elderly intact men and the problems they had, we would NEVER have left him intact *shaking head* (she is a geriatric nurse). That kind of reasoning makes me bonkers, just bc I am sure that is only one problem of many for elderly patients who need continuous care in a nursing home. Its hard for me to understand why she justifies something for a newborn that wouldn't even effect them for another ~80 years down the road. I would LOVE her to bring it up again bc at that time, I was still new at the whole thing....I have a lot more guts now to talk about anything and everything.

Their whole family though is crazy for circumcision. His older brother said that he will be there for my son when he comes crying to him that we didn't circumcize him...since its just so gross and my son will be so embarassed eventally. And the younger brother said that if he ever had a boy, he will do it bc he can and its their right to decide. Thank goodness they are having a girl right now. I am going to keep working on the younger brother, and the older one will probably never have children thankfully! Thank goodness I married the smart one in the family (although he fought for it at first, once he read a little info about the subject he relented and 1.5 yars later, he is now VERY VERY pro-intact!)


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## liseux (Jul 3, 2004)

My Mil left my dh intact so she is awesome! She fought the dr's in the late 1960's in D.C., without even speaking english at the time. She came from Chile 7 months pregnant. DH's dad died before I met him.

My parents are pro-intact also, my mom had it done to one son without even bening asked about it. His crying afterwards shook her up so much she vowed to leave the next boy alone & she did. My dad is circed and totally against it. He's the one who said to me, "circumcision defies all logic." They are both daily mass Catholics and feel that God designed the body perfectly so why would we mutilate it?


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## Nodtveidt (Dec 21, 2006)

We've not yet had a boy but when/if we do, the thoughts of our parents are immaterial. The only parent we give a rat about is MIL because she rocks.







But I don't think she'd say much about it, and even if she did, she knows that we're going to do whatever we think is best regardless of her opinion. My parents and FIL...all are disowned and out of the picture.


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

My mom was SUPER relieved. My son is her only intact grandson. My brother was circ'd without permission back in the late 60s. My father was intact and my mom said that he "knew it was better" (he passed on and never told any of us his status, but obviously mom knew LOL). My brother sadly never knew and went on and had his sons cut







: .

My inlaws...well, my father in law has seen William naked during a diaper change. Nobody every brought it up, and they don't watch him. So, it will be interesting once they do. My MIL is sort of a freak about cleanliness....she's on some serious psychiatric medication for all sorts of emotional/psychological issues. So...I can't think her response would be good. But, if she did say something I would let them have it..."full disclosure". I am a very informed person, and they know it. So they would believe my info.


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## ShaggyDaddy (Jul 5, 2006)

My pro-mutilation parents are afraid to disagree with me and my ILs are "1st born regret" intactivists.

My grandma asked if we were going to in front of everyone, I responded quickly and loudly with "Oh no way!!!" as if it was obvious.


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## Tellera (Oct 28, 2005)

It was mostly a non event. My dad, circ'd, didn't say anything. My stepmom said something along the lines of it not being a big deal either way









I was slightly apprehensive about my grandmother's response, for religious reasons, who came to stay for a couple of weeks. But all she said was "oh. you didn't circ?" And then, that was it.

Nobody has given us any grief (to our faces). Not the ped, not anyone we've talked to about it. I am aware that a conversation took place after we left a party where friends discussed how *dirty* and *unhealthy* it was not to circ. But, it was not related to us specifically, I'm pretty sure. I am still thinking about how to handle this. I am thinking about sending lucky stiff postcards to them (they are thinking about TTC in the next year), and also the mothering article.

ETA: MIL - doesn't know. That one might be hard, as DH was circed at 3 1/2 due to "recurrent infections."







: Makes me sick and I don't want to get into the whole deal with her yet.


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## buckeyedoc (Nov 9, 2006)

My mom is supportive of not circumcising and seems to regret that my brothers are circ'd (one was done by the hospital without direct consent in 1972 and the other one born in 1981 I _think_ is circumcised, although I honestly can't remember what his penis looks like and my mom has mentioned the pediatrician retracting him at appointments - maybe a loose circ?).

The tricky thing is that my dad is Jewish, and obviously my grandparents, etc., on that side of the family. I was raised Jewish, too, although we were Reform (the least "strict" kind). People in my family were circumcised in the hospital rather than in brit milah (I know that isn't really "right"). My Dad has never said a word about my sons not being circumcised, even when my mom drops comments about circumcision being cruel and unnecessary in this day and age. My Jewish grandparents are probably the ones who would be dismayed by it, so I don't plan to let them know about it if at all possible. They would just worry about it.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

My MIL has no issue with it, DH is intact







I know my mom knows we didn't circ, I think she just assumes that people don't do it anymore. She's never mentioned anything about it. I don't know if my dad has ever changed their diapers, normally my stepmom does when they watch the boys, but they've never said anything either.







I guess I should be glad no one's giving me a hard time about it.


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## SammyJr (Aug 21, 2006)

They were shocked. They thought "That's just what you do!"

They don't bring it up because they know they'll get an earful.


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## lyttlewon (Mar 7, 2006)

I don't know if I am having a boy. I haven't talked to my in-laws about it they are pretty much shocked by everything I do and they really don't comment on it. I am pretty much the polar opposite of my in-laws. My mom is sad and regretful about doing it to my brothers and it is a difficult subject to talk to her about. I know I have her 100% support. My dad and my step dad are intact and they have no issues with it.


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## MommytoB (Jan 18, 2006)

My mom when I first told her we were not circ'ing she was going all haywire on diseases & infections told me to research some more I told her I did so she let off a bit after I told her that my uncle didn't like him being circ'ed but he had still circ'ed his son because his son soon to be ex wife said if she had a boy she would have circ'ed him too look like daddy. My mom is still worried of a girl not liking him because of his foreskin and I go your afraid a shallow women won't like my son because he doesn't have a part of him cut off ?

She shushed on that but still belives it's a parents choice if other parents do it or not to her it's there buisness.

My brother proably think it's weird but don't really care that my son is not circumcised but he said isn't there more pain later on so I'm hoping to have him see I would rather die before my son gets a part cut off of him so by the time my brother has kids hopefully he will still see that my son even if he does has some issues that he will still keep his foreskin.

My grandpa was a not carer either

My stepfather didn't care either.

My SIL she didn't say anything

My son's dad side of family never met my son .


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

Well, my mom was initially against leaving my boys intact, but, when I showed her the info about why it was unnecessary, she agreed, and since has said that she wishes she had not had my brother circumsiced.

My dad thinks its no big deal, and still wonders why I refused to do it, but puts it off as one more "quirky" thing I do.

My MIL almost had a heart attack when we told her we would not circumcise. She tried for a couple months to convince us that we had to, that he could not be baptized without it (???) and that it was "dirty". Eventually she gave up.


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## trmpetplaya (May 30, 2005)

My brothers are circumcised because (as my mom told me when I was 11.5 when I asked why there was a wound on my newborn brother's penis) "it's just what you do with boys."

I eased my mom into the fact that we won't be circumcising if/when we have a son by relating it to c-sections and VBACs. When my mom had her three c-sections she didn't even know it was an option to try for a vaginal birth after having one. I took my mom to a LLL meeting while we were visiting my parents and we met a lady who had a home VBAC with twins. My mom had never heard of such a thing! It was very easy to lead from - "people used to think 'once a c-section always a c-section' but now they know that isn't always the case" to "It's a similar thing with circumcision - it used to be thought necessary for x,y,z reasons; but now they know that the only real reasons to have it done are frostbite, gangrene, and cancer."

I didn't go into detail about why we wouldn't be doing it except that it's not necessary and we know that now. I want her to get used to the idea first before I tell her anything that may cause her guilt about doing something 19 and 12 years ago that she really didn't know wasn't the right thing to do.

My mom is totally fine with us not circumcising and said that she was wondering if we would or not (probably wondering how we would have it done since we're having a home birth... I told her that the local hospitals don't do it anymore either and that really surprised her since one of my brothers was born and circumcised at the closest one). I think it went over better because I didn't go into how horrific it is... my siblings still have (more than likely) at least six more years before they have children and I'd like to ease into the topic with them as well.

I haven't talked to my dad about it, but since he's preached sermons on why Christians do NOT need to circumcise for religious reasons, I'm sure he won't care either way. He's circumcised, but he is intelligent (and a lawyer) and I'm sure he would read the info I have if he was uncomfortable with the "health" aspect of the intact penis.

ETA - My MIL passed away soon after dh and I were married, but I know if she was here that she would applaud us leaving her grandson(s) intact because she left dh intact almost 24 years ago. I assume that FIL will assume that we're leaving his grandson(s) intact since dh is intact. I have no idea what step-MIL did with her sons' penises or what she thinks about circumcision, nor do I really care at this point... she's not dh's mother or our children's grandmother (not really) so she truly shouldn't care either way.

love and peace.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

My mom asked me wouldn't I feel guilty if my son got an infection? I said no, explained everything to her, printed off a bunch of info for her, and now she is an intactivist, passing out the info I gave her to pregnant women.
\
My Inlaws are pro circ, but we already had an argument about circ before i was even pregannt. It hasn't come up since.


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## orangedaisies (Oct 26, 2006)

My MIL (bless her heart) fought circ'ing her son in 1972 so my DH is intact, and technically Jewish btw. She was very happy that Daniel would be intact as well. My mother hadn't ever thought about it before (just me and my sister), but I guess my Dad was circ'd by a mohel since he's Jewish. My mother said that her brother and father were intact so it seems normal to her!

I've never met my FIL since he's been out of the picture for 25 years. I have no idea of my Dad's opinion, I no longer have contact with him and he doesn't see my kids.

Altogether, the only protest I had was from my sister, who had circ'd her son in 1999. I wish I'd known of all the info then, but I don't know if it would have changed her non-practicing Muslim DH's mind.

Anne
DS Daniel 21 months
DD Lily 4


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## gridley13 (Sep 3, 2004)

When my mom found out she said, "Oh, is that the trend now?" Not sure what that means. My father is a surgeon and once wanted to get a novelty license plate that said something about 2 cut is 2 cure (not sure how that would fit on a plate but whatever). I have a feeling is is for circ, because he has never said a word to me and won't respond if it is brought up. I am glad I haven't had opposition to it, but I haven't had support either.


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## amanda w (Jan 6, 2006)

Luckily, my parents were hippies and believed in everything being 'natural'...my Mom is almost 58 and is still a hippie at heart, a very carefree spirit, ie. doesn't shave, grows natural foods and makes her own breadl. My late father was born and left intact by his parents and when both my sister and I became pregnant, it was a subject never brought up, and both of our sons are as nature intended. Jacob's father is British and he is intact as well as all of the males in his family. He knows why he has a foreskin and what its purpose is and he has yet to grow tired of displaying it.







I can only hope I can change this before he starts to school in the fall


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Anyone else kind of feel like it's really no one's business but the child's? I mean, it seems kind of weird that people ask such personal questions about someone's crotch (even though the person is an infant or infant-to-be). Honestly, if I had a weird mole or birthmark or something on my crotch that I was born with I wouldn't really want anyone talking about it with my parents, so it's even weirder that something that is a COMPLETELY NORMAL part of the anatomy is discussed about what to "do" with it. I mean, it's as if our parents were asking us if we were going to have the child's belly button removed after it heals up so that there is no mark there, or have implants put in our 10 year old daughters so that they looked "nicer" and filled out their blouses better. Or maybe have our children's nostrils removed so that it was easier to clean. We live in a weird society, that's what I think. How often do you think genetals are discussed with family members before the child is born in other countries where circ-ing is not the norm?


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

My mom wasnt happy at all about it but that is because of the issues she had with my older brother who I have mentioned a few times here. He was circed at 3 for no reason at all really, a infection that abx cured but Dr. talked her into circing anyway.

My father I have no idea since we dont talk about personal stuff like that







:

My mil no idea never discussed it. Fil gave me a really hard time about it with the stories about so and so being circed at 75 BS.







: Just want I wanted to talk about with my fil







: 3 days after my son was born and him having to drive me in for the blood test because ds was jaundiced.


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## hubris (Mar 8, 2003)

I actually talked to my mom about circ before I was even pg. I was doing newborn hearing screenings in a hospital as part of my graduate work and saw a boy being prepared for his circ. Up until that moment the actual details of circ hadn't even occurred to me, it was just something I had assumed was a fact of life and never questioned. I didn't see the baby getting circed but just the prep (left naked and strapped down to a board with a baby-shaped dent in it for a LONG time, waiting for a doc who wasn't even in the nursery to get there) seemed traumatic. Shortly afterward I was lurking on TTC boards and noticed a circ forum and wondered what was so important about it that there was a whole forum dedicated to it. Around the same time, I talked about it with my mom about my nursery experience, told her how horrible it seemed for the baby, and asked WHY it's necessary. I still assumed it was necessary.

My mom shocked me. She said "it's not medically necessary. It's totally unnecessary cosmetic surgery." She went on to tell me that she had my brothers circ'ed because the wisdom of the day was that boys should look like their daddies, but that she thinks that argument is STUPID. My third brother had an infection after his circ and she says that if she had had any more sons, they would not have been circed and she wouldn't care at all about them "matching" their brothers.

I was floored. What if I had never asked her about it? I would have blindly gone ahead and done it.

So anyway, my mom is 100% behind our breaking the chain of mutilation. My dad hasn't registered an opinion but I suspect he feels the same way. My oldest brother is fully anti-circ now and he and his wife have one child, a boy, who is intact. My other siblings are now aware of our sons' status and our objections to circ and I hope that we've planted seeds there.

DH's parents were unquestioningly pro-circ when we were pg with DS1. I don't remember how circ came up but DH told them we wouldn't do it and they seemed to think it was really wierd. Blah blah, it's medically necessary, blah blah, but YOU are circ'ed. FIL insisted that it would just have to be done when the boys are older. I'm not sure where they stand now - we provided education, they backed off, it hasn't been discussed since.


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## hakunangovi (Feb 15, 2002)

My parents lived on a different continent, so we did not see much of them, but we were there for a couple of weeks when DS was one, and again at 3. I have pictures of him in their back yard running around naked. Some years later I was there by myself and asked my Mum why my brothers and I had been circumcised. She asked if DS was. It must not have been on her radar screen. There was no comment when I said "no".
MIL had no comment either, but then her first 2 boys were intact, and the next 3 circumcised.
Often it does seem to be a subject about which people have very strong views, and that probably explains their curiosity about what kind of "decision" others have made.


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## Piercedboy (Mar 18, 2006)

My mom and dad were a bit upset when it came up in a conversation and i heard the "But he won't look like you" argument. I very politely told me that it would be impossible for him to look like me, even if he was circed, because my piercer won't do that to a kid his age.







They turned 97 shades of pink and red and I haven't heard a thing about it since.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

My folks and my ILs are all for intactness. My mom is the only one born in the US and she has never been one for interventionist medicine. She went on and on while I was preggers that they might try to just do it in the hospital without my concent. MIL has never trusted "english" (as in englishg speaking) doctors again after DH was circ'd.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trmpetplaya* 
When my mom had her three c-sections she didn't even know it was an option to try for a vaginal birth after having one. I took my mom to a LLL meeting while we were visiting my parents and we met a lady who had a home VBAC with twins. My mom had never heard of such a thing! It was very easy to lead from - "people used to think 'once a c-section always a c-section' but now they know that isn't always the case"

In your mom's day (depending on when that was) it might have been true. They used to do c-sections with a verticle cut that left the womb very weak now they usually do a horizontal cut which does much less damage.


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## ~Nikki~ (Aug 4, 2004)

My parents were indifferent. I know that when my brother was born, they kept him intact because my step-mother's OB told her that circumcision was un-necessary. They've never said anything negative about it.

I expected that my in-laws would be supportive, because my husband is intact. Shockingly, my MIL was ANGRY at us!! I can remember her telling us that we needed to hurry up and have our son circumcised before it was "too late", and that she regretted not circumcising her son, because he ended up with an infection as a baby. I asked her if she could remember retracting him as an infant, and she said "Of course! I had to clean him!" So I explained to her how the intact penis works, and that it shouldn't be retracted, because it can cause damage and infection. And then DH told her that he was very glad that she had left him intact, and to stop harping on us about it. She finally let it go.


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## quarteralien (Oct 4, 2006)

Great topic.
My Mom freaked. My parents were in the recovery room with me right after DS was born and my mom casually asked when he would be circumcised. When I said we weren't doing that, she went off on the hygienic benefits and social norms, and ended by nearly crying, and saying "I'm having a breakdown." I had just been through a traumatic birth and didn't want to defend my parenting already, so I said something about learning how to care for yourself as you get older and we left it at that. My dad stayed out of it, as he usually does. In the days afterward, my mom asked if I was sure what I was doing. Like anyone who doesn't want to show how overwhelmed she is, I said of course, and she went home and we went on with our lives. Neither parent has mentioned it since, but I've become a whole lot more educated since then and I'm actually itching for a chance to get into it again with her.









From my in-laws, we got what amounts to an apology that they had DH circed. MIL said that's what was done, they regretted circing DH's older brother but thought they should match. I got into the conversation with her again just last Christmas and gave her to know that I don't care that DH "matches" his brother, I still thought it was the wrong choice and they should have gone with their gut instinct. I don't think that topic will come up again between us.


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## Kleine Hexe (Dec 2, 2001)

I was raised an intactivist. My mom comes from a culture that does not circ. My dad, however, is American and believes in circ. Once he tried to say something smartass about me not circ'ing and after my response he never brought it up again.

My in-laws never said a word about it. They simply accepted that fact that we do not circ.


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## AlbertaJes (May 11, 2006)

I am told that had I been born a boy, I would have been left intact, so I imagine that my parents would be thrilled to learn that our son (if we have one) has been left intact.

My IL's didn't circ, so I think they would expect our children to look like their father.


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## trmpetplaya (May 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eepster* 
In your mom's day (depending on when that was) it might have been true. They used to do c-sections with a verticle cut that left the womb very weak now they usually do a horizontal cut which does much less damage.

It was the early-mid 90's. I have young younger siblings. The two youngest are still in middle school and they're the ones who were born by c-sec (them and the brother right before them who didn't make it... The brother after me and myself were born vaginally). I'm almost positive my mom had a horizontal cut, but regardless - she never knew that you could even attempt a VBAC no matter what type of incision there was until I started reading up on it.

She totally got the comparison (I knew she would if I presented it correctly) and is on board! I don't know that she'll talk to my siblings about circumcision or not, but I will be talking to them about it eventually... hopefully I'll have a son within the next few years before they even think about having children. That way I can SHOW them and not just tell them that foreskins really aren't a problem waiting to happen or difficult to take care of or any of that nonsense







It'd also be nice to be able to speak from experience without having to drag poor dh's penis into the conversation...

love and peace.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

My MIL was ecstatic. She was devastated her daughter had her first grandson circumcized. (DH is NOT circumcized.) FIL stayed out of it.

My parents said, "Oh," and changed the subject. I think they were embarassed that we even brought up ds's penis.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piercedboy* 
My mom and dad were a bit upset when it came up in a conversation and i heard the "But he won't look like you" argument. I very politely told me that it would be impossible for him to look like me, even if he was circed, because my piercer won't do that to a kid his age.







They turned 97 shades of pink and red and I haven't heard a thing about it since.


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juvysen* 
How often do you think genetals are discussed with family members before the child is born in other countries where circ-ing is not the norm?

Never.


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## Claire and Boys (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piercedboy* 
My mom and dad were a bit upset when it came up in a conversation and i heard the "But he won't look like you" argument. I very politely told me that it would be impossible for him to look like me, even if he was circed, because my piercer won't do that to a kid his age.







They turned 97 shades of pink and red and I haven't heard a thing about it since.

BWHAHAHA! That's awesome.


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## sunnymw (Feb 28, 2007)

MIL said that, after her ped told her it was unnecessary (long after DH was born) that if she had it to do over, she would NOT have gotten it done... HOWEVER, she still believed that it was the HUSBAND's choice (religious head of the household yada yada), and if DH wanted it done, it SHOULD be done. Of course, I disagreed, and finally won. FIL is intact (stepFIL, but more in DSs life than real FIL) but thought it should be done, as he is older and it was just "done" when he was having kids, and he believed all that health-stuff!!

My dad, I don't think even knows. When I mentioned it to my mom, as she was changing diapers ("I've never changed a boy's diaper before!") she did say that well duh, who does that? (She didn't move to the US until she was in her 20s, we're from Germany). =D


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## Baby Makes 4 (Feb 18, 2005)

My ILs were not happy but since all of their grandsons are intact I think they have realized there's nothing they can do.

My Mom doesn't care one way or another and my Dad was happy we left him intact. I have no idea whether my Dad is intact but he told me they left my little brother's penis "the way God made it."


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## jesrox (Apr 5, 2007)

My parents are very supportive. I don't know my dad's circ status(and frankly, don't want to know ha ha) but they both told me they wouldn't have circ'd me if I was a boy, my parents consider it genital mutalation.

I don't know my inlaws opinion, and don't really care. They are way more mainstream than my parents( formula fed etc) and my partner is circ'd so they probably think its wierd, but I don't really care. The more I learn about circ the happier I am that my son is intact!!!


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## KnitLady (Jul 6, 2006)

My mom begged me with tears in her eyes not to circumcise DS and was so relieved when I told her we would never do that. I don't have any brothers so I'm a little surprised she was concerned about it. I'm really glad she is against circumcising though!

My father hasn't said anything and I'm not totally sure he knows that DS is intact.

My MIL has never brought it and has never changed DS's diaper so she doesn't know, but probably assumes he is.


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## swimswamswum (Oct 26, 2005)

My mom works in a NICU and has to leave the room when parents circ because it's so upsetting to her. She was obviously supportive. My mom told me that my dad isn't circed (I didn't know). I haven't told him that we won't circ, but I assume he will be cool with it.

I don't know about the ILs and I really don't care. We live in different states and while I love them dearly, I kind of doubt they're going to be that well acquainted with my son's penis anyway. We will definitely visit lots, but we won't leave our kids with them until they're much older. They're wonderful people but they already think DH and I are "crunchy granolas" so I'm sure they won't be surprised or bothered.


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

Not sure about the inlaws just yet, but I imagine they'll be reasonable human beings! DH was circ'ed, and I imagine his brother was as well. I think (but I'm not positive) that my SIL did, too. They're rather "live and let live," so I'm not the slightest bit concerned.

My mom and I talked about it at great length. She seemed very sad when she asked, "What are your reasons for not?" I realized that she was struggling with remembering her own choices, and didn't take it as "rejection of my choices," so rather than expound on the evils and cruelty of mothers who do, I gave reasons why it is unnecessary- and she told me that with her first son (my younger brother), they just took him away and did it without any discussion. She felt sad after the fact, as he was in pain. With my youngest brother, she said again they just took him, and this time she could hear him screaming all the way down the hall, and it broke her heart. We talked a lot that day about how, as a young mother, she really wasn't ever aware of her options, and none of the tentative ones she had (outside of BF-ing) were supported by any stretch of the imagination. By the end of the conversation, she sounded extremely supportive of our decisions.

Clara


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## kxsiven (Nov 2, 2004)

Well. My parents did not naturally react anyway - I wonder if they even know such a thing excists.
My MIL was an American mom in the end of 60's&70's when it was 'just done' in USA, but she is today well educated nurse who thinks it is very much unnecessary thing to do.


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## hunnybumm (Nov 1, 2003)

Well, I don't know how well known it is in my family, but I have only brought it up to my close family. My step mom is anti-circ but she never informed me until after DS#1 was cut and I realized it and started feeling guilty. Then she said "Yeah, I never wanted to circ J, but your dad really wanted it done. Thankfully we chose to wait until his 1 week visit, but because of what happened he never and go to through it." Her son, my half brother had a heart condition and passed at 3 weeks, so they didn't have it done since they knew he wouldn't make it. I just wished she had shared this with me BEFORE I cut DS#1 since in previous conversations she had mentioned that maybe I should wait until his 1 week check, but never mentioned just not doing it! I never realized we could just not have it done. Anyways, she was very happy we we didn't have it done and gave me props for taking a strong stand against DH. When DS#2 was born she asked if I pushed his foreskin back to clean at every diaper change or just in the bath, I told her never, your not suppose to.

My sister was totally supportive. We had talked a lot and I gave her a ton of info on why it wasn't needed and how horrible it was. I don't know how strongly she feels about it, and I am not sure if she will take a stand against her fiance, but she isn't very likely to be able to physically have children.

My mom just rolled her eyes and said "Oh, I am suuuure you researched it and KNOW that is the best. *sigh*" I told her that yes it was the best and yes I did do a lot of research and I would NEVER do it to another child. She was like.. whatever...

My MIL just said "Are you EVER going to do it?" I said very nicely "nope, and you are never suppose to pull back the foreskin." she just said "Ok" and that was that.

I have no clue how my dad feels, I don't think he cares. He just loves his grandsons and thinks they hung the moon.







I haven't talked to my brothers, but they are still pretty young (17&19) and we don't really get along and they aren't really interested in parenting or anything to do with it. LOL They love their nephews but could care less about circ or breastfeeding or anything like that.

My BILs I don't know, I don't know them very well and they are both circ, but are also very young (16 &17).

My extended family, I think all the boys are cut, but we don't talk about it, I don't see them very often because we live so far away.


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## witchbaby (Apr 17, 2003)

my parents didn't care really, but probably leaned towards the intact side-- my dad is intact.








my in-laws are slightly bothered, i think. my fil is a ped and i think he still believes it's "cleaner." i was SO terrified to leave m with them for the first extended amount of time last weekend, afraid they'd try to retract his foreskin to clean him if he pooped. the boy must have known! he didn't poop AT ALL that day!


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## Igraine (Jul 1, 2006)

I have had a few family members (grandma, aunts, dear friends) change my ds's diaper when he was a baby and no one every said a thing.

I never made a big deal out of the fact that we did not circumcise nor did I try to hide the fact.


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## annalaura (Jan 20, 2007)

when i told my mom she seemed kind of suprised...but after i explained to her why we were choosing not to circumcise him,she was supportive of my decision. i never really talked to my dad about it. he's seen my son naked though and changed his diapers a few times,so he knows hes intact- he's never really mentioned anything about it. my husbands parents were supportive from the get go because my husbands is intact,so thats just how they think








in the end,everyone was pretty supportive.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

My mom said she never understood why people did it in the first place. Apparently my dad was intact (I've never had a relationship with him since the broke up before she knew she was pregnant and he's a UA violation.)

My MIL stated that dh and his brother weren't circ'd. Well dh is! And SIL told me that BIL is also. I personally just think MIL can't remember. ETA: I'm pretty sure FIL doesn't know.


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## smeep (May 12, 2006)

My parents were VERY supportive of my decision to leave my son intact. Before I did much research (a couple mainstream sites that say the "benefits" are "equal" either way and that it was "just some skin") I was leaning towards circing. My dad asked me not to (he didn't beg on his hands and knees...but he was definitely not wanting me to do it). He told me that my brothers (who died before I was born) were left intact and that he wish he'd been left intact so he could've had a choice. Over time I found out the REAL truth about circumcision and said no and eventually became horrified that I even considered it. So, yes, my parents were extremely supportive and very relieved that I chose to leave my son intact.

My son's "father" isn't around. He's pulled a bunch of crap and his parents aren't involved in their grandson's life either. But, I have a feeling that his mother would've been sort of supportive of it. Not necessarily against my decision, but not necessarily for it. That's how she was when I told her I was going to have my son in a birthing center, she figured I knew I'd do what was right, even though she knew nothing of out-of-hospital births. I assume his father probably wouldn't have had anything to say either way (he...doesn't tlak much lol). So I don't think I would've gotten any crap from either of them.


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## Ilaria (Jan 14, 2002)

I'm Italian (from Italy, not just 'of Italian descent') and RIC is unheard of Italy. They would have flipped if I had said we _were_ doing it!

Dh's father said, upon learning on the phone he had a grandson, "Make sure you get him circ'd or he'll be made fun of, blah, blah..." and Dh "No one does that anymore, Dad". "Oh, ok"


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## fishface (Jan 6, 2007)

I love typing things and then having this godawful internet crap out on me. LOOOOOOOOOOVE IT.

Anyway, my mom and FMIL think it's necessary for hygiene.







: Yeah, because all those gnarly, infected penises sure put a damper on humankind til RIC saved the day. I don't know what my dad and FFIL think. If the moms are such cheerleaders for circ, they are more than welcome to grow their very own penises and hack off their foreskin. Any future sons of mine will be keeping theirs. Sorry 'bout it.







:


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## njeb (Sep 10, 2002)

My mother never said anything about it. She'd left my brother intact, after all, and I'm pretty sure that my dad and uncles were intact.







Yeah, Mom!

My in-laws never said anything about it, either. My dh is circ'ed, but my in-laws lived 600 miles away, so they only saw our sons about once or twice a year. They've been dead for some time now, so I never learned why my dh is cut.


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## momuveight2B (Mar 17, 2006)

They don't get a vote and it is not open for discussion. Our parents wouldn't dream of trying to tell us how to parent.


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## 2tadpoles (Aug 8, 2004)

My parents were nonchalant. I don't think the issue ever came up with them, because I'm an only child and they never had to make that decision....but my dad was intact, so I'm not sure what they would have done with a boy. My dad was intact because of time and culture. I'm not sure if he would have been swayed by medical "reasons" to circ.

The boys' grandfather on their dad's side is also intact, also due to time and culture. They circed their own son, though. But they didn't say anything about our decision to keep the boys intact....I'm not sure whether they even have an opinion. It's likely they only circed their son because the hospital suggested it, and they're kind of sheep-like sometimes.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Mom: "Your father's glad he's circumcised."
Me:








Mom again: "Babies feel less pain than older children."
Me: "Actually that's not true! Babies feel pain very acutely."

MIL: "You two will do anything to be different."
Me:









FIL: "I've always thought that circumcision was cruel, anyway."
Me in my head: "Why, exactly, is my dh circumcised then?"


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

It was a non issue..surprisingly. My IL's have never said a word (FIL is intact--all the sons are cut). My father (intact) said to me "Oh, I see Casey got _something_ from me."







My mother said she wishes she hadn't done it to my brothers but she didn't know she had a choice. She did tell me that my brother was nursing in the hospital, fell asleep...they took him to circ, he woke up from the pain, and when they brought him back he refused to nurse and never did again.







:


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## jocelyndale (Aug 28, 2006)

It was a non-issue with my mom. My brother was circ'd, but she said that it wasn't really something she had any info on at the time. Her ped said, "you're circing, right? It reduces the risk of cervical cancer in future partners" and she said, "uh, okay?" That was over twenty years ago. I just told mom that we weren't doing it and she didn't care at all.

I couched it a bit differently with my MiL. We were changing Ronan's diaper and I said, "I don't know what they taught you in nursing school about the uncircumcised penis, but you should never retract a baby's foreskin. I just wanted to give you a heads-up since procedures change."

She's an RN who's been in management forever, so she just said, "okay, works for me. I'm not sure I've even seen one like this--both of the boys were cut."

She was fine with it. I have no clue what my dad and FiL think, but my dad would mention it to me if he were really worried and my FiL would probably have sent my husband an email if he were concerned. For all I know, it's such a non-issue that neither my mother nor my MiL have passed on the info.









When folks exclaim that he's such a good baby, I just smile and say it's because we didn't whack his willy off. Hey, it's just been a week--sleep deprivation can explain a lot.


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## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

It was a non-issue for us. All the men in DH's family are intact.
My mom was a little confused when I told her there's no reason to do it, but didn't argue.
My circ'd dad was a little defensive, but he's an old hippie...so throwing out traditions that don't make sense is no big deal to him.


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## mamamillet (May 21, 2004)

Well my mom is was very supportive and has shared with other pregnant couples some intact info as well. She circed my brother and regrets it--she did not want to but my dad did. SHe is now married to an intact man--which I only found out about after the I left ds intact. My dad, like many of my parenting decisions, gave his 2 cents, to which I replied, nope I am not having it done, and it was left at that-not another word.
DS other grandparents I have no idea nothing was ever said. Ds's dad is circed but his mom is now married to a man from croatia that I am assuming is intact. In general I have pretty supportive parents--for which I am very thankful!


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## 2 in August (Jan 6, 2006)

We haven't told the inlaws. I think they probably assume we did since they circ'd dh.

My mom brought it up while I was pg. Apparently my cousin left his son intact and my uncle was worried because he was circ'd at 3yo and still (at 60ish) remembers how bad it was so he thinks it should be done at birth so the baby won't remember. I told her we were going to leave ds as-is. She admitted that my brother is circ'd because they were told they had to. After I educated my parents, they are supportive of our decision.


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## MyBoysBlue (Apr 27, 2007)

I think that we would of had a problem if we had decided TO circ. No one in my or DH's immediate families is circ'ed except my brother. He smooshed his penis badly with the toilet seat when he was being potty trained. It didn't heal right and was circ'ed at 6. It probably didn't have to go that far but my parents didn't question the doc. So for us it was never a question, we just didn't circ. I never knew it was a big deal either way until MDC. Now I can't imagine ever doing it. I am so glad that even though we were uninformed that we made the correct decision.


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## wannalilcountry (Apr 28, 2007)

My mother had 4 girls, and even then she told me not to circ my sons, my father is not circed, and told me not to circ, my inlaws think it is disgusting and nasty to not circ, but these are the same people who claim that nursing 9is perverted and if god wanted it, then he wouldnt have created formula.......

None of my 5 boys were circed.


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## Greeneyes0506 (Aug 31, 2006)

My Mom told me my son would hate me for not doing it. After I told her how a circumcision is performed (she thought it was a snip like the umbilicl cord) the functions of a foreskin and that there are no health benefits, she's pro-intact. My Dad has never mentioned it.

DH's parents would flip out and try to get him circed behind our backs. They're Muslim.


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## onelilguysmommy (May 11, 2005)

hmm..my mom, she was a tthe hospital with me.
my mom asked the oncall ped when it was being done. she said it was 350 out of pocket. my mom told me that id have to pay for it, i said i idnt give a crap how much it was cause it wasnt being done, even if it had been free. she then tried to convince that doc to get me to do it. oh yeah THAT makes sense!
but anyway, she explained that a lot of people in that area dontdo it, and if she thought it should be done to make him like other kids, thats stupid, and about it costing money, and its not mediaclly needed, etc, and had a comeback to everything my mom asked of her to try to get me to do it.
then, she had tried to get nurses, and another doc in the hspital to get me to do t. ummm..no.

ANYWAY, so yh. shes still not thrulled hes not circd, but oh well. she wont discuss with me much of anything other than she thnks youre supposed to if youre christian. :sigh: but..yeah.
my 8yo brother had iot done, and she said that..like im supposed to want my kid to look like my brother? oh yeah and my sons dad is..so??







:

my dad i dont think he knows. he isnt..or didnt used to be anyway, i dont know about now, since theyve been apart almost 15 years, and none of his family has seen my son naked, so none of them know either LOL so i dont know what theyd think or if my 7yo cousin is or not, i dont remember what they said about it...but anyway, yup. she is irritated about it, and my dad has no clue.


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## corgimom (Apr 21, 2007)

The only one besides Lucas who knows that I do not plan to circ our future sons is my mom. I told her about the video I watched of the procedure. She immediately felt guilty about having my brother circ'd in 1982 and said that if she had been more knowledgable, he would not have been circ'd. When my brother was born, the doc said, "You are having him circ'd right?" Back then, it was just assumed that it would be done. I honestly don't know how my dad or Lucas' parents would react. Lucas' mom is a "do what you want without worrying about offending others" type of person, so I think she will be fine with it. The one I worry about the most is Lucas' aunt. She is one of those people who feels the need to give her advice/opinion on everything, so I expect to hear some complaints from her if she ever sees our future Atticus naked. But then again, her middle son is married to a woman from Bulgaria. I don't know what Bulgaria's rate of circ is, but I doubt it is as high as the US. It's possible that their son is not circ'd. If he isn't circ'd then maybe we won't get as much grief.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

My inlaws have never actually said anything about it to me. I don't know if they have to dh or not. If so he hasn't mentioned it. I totally forgot the first time they babysat to give them the run down on not messing with it. I made dh call his mom and just let her know that he didn't need retracted at diaper changes. I think dh said "penis" about 30 times in that conversation cause he knew it would make me blush and he knew is would fluster his mom. He's such a nut.









My mom asked when ds2 was a few weeks old why we hadn't had him done. Ds1 is cut, it was done at the hospital without my permission and I was too young and uneducated about it to know to be upset. I just told her that new studies show that there is no reason to do it. She just said "oh, when we had your brother they said there were medical benefits." And that was the end of it. My dad went on about it for a while. Asking wasn't it a problem that he didn't look like dh or ds1 (this is the man who wouldn't help my brother learn to use the potty because he didn't want brother to see him naked. He is uber private about it). I told him we just did what is in ds's best interest. He does ask from time to time things like "who will teach him how to take care of it?" I don't know if he is trying to be difficult or genuinely concerned. It's hard to tell with him, and I have a tendency to get defensive. I just tell him not to worry it's easy to take care of and dh can show him even though he is cut. What I haven't said is that dh is planning to restore so they will look alike. I just worry about poor ds1 if dh restores. He will be the odd one out, and I won't be able to say "but it is better to be intact." to help him.


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## Rez (Aug 30, 2004)

Only my 1st or 2nd post but had to vent about my mom...

I researched before my son was born and decided to keep him intact. We ended up having him at the wrong hospital (long story) with the majority of the patients being Hispanic. If I wanted my son circ'ed I would have had to wait and have the ped do it as they didn't circ routinely at this hospital.

I feel so lame because that's the excuse I used on my mom. Just recently I was complaining about my son's behavior and she told me "See, if you would have had him circ'd he wouldn't be acting like that" HUH? My son is 3 years old and she's still throwing those nasty comments at me. Needless to say she got an earful and then a click.

I have two brothers who are circ'd and I think deep down mom feels guilty about it. Another comment she made was "what, is your son better than mine?" when I tried to explain my reason for not cutting my boy. I also let a lot slide because she's 75 yo now and has MS and I don't want to upset her, just yes her to death.

IL's didn't care either way. I did find out my fil was intact.


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## Azuralea (Jan 29, 2007)

They were totally supportive. All the men in my side of the family are intact, same with DH's family. Both sides find circumcision horrifying. They are mostly all Americans btw. If I had decided to circumcise it would have caused a huge family uproar. Of course that was never an option.


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## dancindoula (Jun 20, 2005)

My mom's reaction when I told her we didn't plan to circ any future sons was curiosity then regret at having had it done to my brother. I don't actually know my dad's reaction since he wasn't part of the conversation, but I imagine it would be the same. My MIL didn't learn about the evils of circ until after she had her 2 sons, but about a year ago out of the blue over dinner she took it upon herself to apologize to my DH for having his "poor little penis" cut instead of protecting him. Yeah. He was like "thanks, Mom."

Hey, it's the thought, right?


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## Eben'sMama (Jun 29, 2006)

DH's parents were a bit surprised, as I'm pretty sure that every other male child and grandchild in the family has been circ'd. Once we explained our reasons for opposing circumcision, they were completely supportive. My family was completely supportive; they are accustomed to my doing things the non-mainstream way.


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## Katielady (Nov 3, 2006)

My mom's reaction makes me so happy. At the time she didn't say anything and was just sort of neutral about it. Later, she told me that she thought it was "a little weird" when I first told her we were going to keep our son intact, but that the more she heard from me about it the more she came to realise that RIC is wrong. This is a big deal for her too- she is a nurse and her branch of the family is very medical, and very supportive of the medical model and mistrustful of anything outside it. So this is a big turnaround for her. I'm so glad she kept an open mind about it. She works as a school nurse in an elementary school and she's always telling me that when she sees an intact boy now, she feels like the penis looks so natural and so protected, and that circed boys look so raw and wounded to her now. And she's also told me that the circed boys often come in because their penises hurt from being chafed against rough material, and that this never happens to the intact boys.

Go mom!









My dad's barely in my life, so I don't think I've ever had a conversation with him about it.

The inlaws were another story- they are orthodox Jewish, so they were horrified. They tried to sell DH the whole "it's just skin" thing, and at one point when DH said "I don't want to cut off part of his penis," FIL said "it's not part of the penis!"







: But to their credit, they didn't say a word once DS was born.


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## Lady Madonna (Jul 2, 2004)

My mother is the only grandparent who has said a word - she told me that he would hate me when he's 14 or 15 because we didn't circumcise. I told her that when he's 14 or 15 he'll probably hate me for all sorts of reasons and if he hates me for not cutting off part of his body, I'm sure I'll get over it. I didn't add "as soon as he has sex and realizes how very nice it is to be whole" because I didn't want to give her heart failure, but I think she got that it was implied.

Apparently my grandfather "had" to be circumcised when he was in his 60s and it was "so painful". My response was that at least my grandfather was unconscious and got pain relief he could control, unlike infants, so, well, forget it.

And that was the end of that. I did make sure that when she first changed him, she knew not to retract and we haven't had any issues on that front. I think she has chalked it up to me being (as compared to anyone else in our entire family) a liberal hippie weirdo.

My in-laws would die before they'd even think of talking about DS's penis. My dad knows it's none of his danged business, and my step-dad heard enough about the discussion between my mom and me to know to not even go there.


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## AstridS (Mar 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katielady* 

The inlaws were another story. They tried to sell DH the whole "it's just skin" thing, and at one point when DH said "I don't want to cut off part of his penis," FIL said "it's not part of the penis!"







: But to their credit, they didn't say a word once DS was born.

Wow. That says a lot about the state of denial, that some circed men are in...







:


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## lbchacon (Feb 23, 2007)

My parents-in-law are fine with it since they didn't circumcise any of their 3 sons. My dad, who wasn't circumcised either, was disappointed and said he would have voted FOR circumcision...I told him that's nice to know but this issue was never up for voting! Since then, he's never mentioned it.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

there was no reaction...I'm not even sure if my il's know or not, and my mom couldn't of cared less what decision we made.


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## CherylDec&Jul (Dec 19, 2006)

So far the only parent that knows is my mom (the baby isnt due til July) so its likely it wont come up with the others until after babys born.

When dh & I were debating to leave intact or not my mom very sadly said "I cant believe they are still doing that to little boys!" Which really surprised dh as she's pretty mainstream & often doesnt give her opinion (ie, well, you need to look at the facts & do whats best kind of answers). Even I didnt think she would be _against_ it so I was a little surprised too (I was just trying to show dh it wasnt a big medical deal to leave intact & was looking for a neutral reaction from her)! But her reaction was one of the two things that helped dh look at the research material much more closely so it was really great!

I also told me sister. She just said wants to see it as she's never seen an intact penis (her son is circ'd).

My family is pretty supportive on most things (or at least arent negative if we do something different) so I would be surprised to get any negatives comments from that side. My in-laws are more opininated so I may hear something from them. . . but we dont see them as often and they dont really "do" diaper changes much so it could be some time before they even know.


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## octobersweethearts (Feb 27, 2004)

My parents were very supportive. My father is intact and very happy that way. My mom is now married to a Chinese American who is intact as well. So it was completely a non issue.

My husbands family asked when we were having it done while we were in the hospital and I told them we weren't. I think they thought it was just more of my more "crunchy" lifestyle, I guess. You know, the wooden toys, the organic food, etc.









My MIL still tells me I will regret not circ'ing. Apparently her uncle had to have it done at 40 yrs old due to some sort of infection. I don't even try to go into why this happens sometimes.







:


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## alissakae (Jun 14, 2002)

Well, since my family has never circumcised and my mom describes circumcision as "mean", this has definitely NOT been an issue on my side of the family. I probably would have been disowned if I'd done anything that cruel to one of my babies!

My in-laws carefully avoided the subject from day one. I know they disapprove, and my brother-in-law (the "golden boy" of the family) proudly mutilated HIS son







: . We're the black sheep since we homebirth, breastfeed for over a year, etc. anyway


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## Katielady (Nov 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AstridS* 
Wow. That says a lot about the state of denial, that some circed men are in...







:

I know, right? If it's not part of the penis, then what is it...part of the elbow?







I'm big on seeing things as they are...it's so strange to me when people create these elaborate lies to comfort themselves rather than facing up to reality.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

My parents just chalk it up to my being weird. I'm sure my Mom researched it on the 'net and found out how ridiculous it really is.

My ILs don't know. They don't have much contact with us.


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## Novella (Nov 8, 2006)

Nobody, *NOBODY* on either side of the family ever asked or commented about it.

I'm pretty sure it was just assumed we wouldn't circ any sons we might have (got 3). My dad, who was born in Canada and is a baby boomer wasn't circ'd and my parents didn't get my only brother circ'd.

My husband immigrated from Europe when he was a child. It's not practiced there (now, nor in his childhood) so I'm pretty darn sure that beyond him, his many brothers and his father are all intact.

While the family is pretty laid back (both sides) re: "you parent as you feel is best", I think circumcision would have crossed the line and had all kinds of relatives hopping all over us to challenge why we might want to hack off part of our baby!


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## Peacemamalove (Jun 7, 2006)

For me it was my mom who told us Not to circumcise I was young when I was pregnant with my first child and it never dawned on my not to circumcise why wouldn't I??

She told me how horrible it was and what happened and I was shocked and sick to my stomach. My husband and I did some research and we knew then that we would never ever put our child through that kind of torture and mutilation.

THANKS MOM!!

Of course my dad on the other hand gave us the whole speech about disease cleanliness blah blah blah I then told him that he had his facts wrong and it was my kid .....


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

My mother thought it was wonderful. She said "We were so stupid in the old days!" She circ'd my poor brother-- he is over 40. She was so young and believed 'them'. Now she says, "I don't see the point in changing a baby's body, I wish I could go back in time". My Dh's family is from a European culture that does not circ, so it's not something my inlaws ever thought to consider, or even ask us about.


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## kerilynn (Sep 9, 2005)

My mom is happy, as my brother is intact
and the issue has never came up with my mother in law
(she is crack addict, why would she care?)
My father and DH's father are dead
My grandpa thinks its neat - his boys are intact
I don't talk to any other grandparents except him on either side enough to bring up his penis


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## KingsDaughter76 (May 25, 2004)

My parents were fully supportive of us not circing. Of course my parents did not tell me anything till after my first was circ'd due to my ex's insistence. I found out AFTER he was done that my mother hated that he was done...she really hated my ex for pushing me to let it happen. I found out no one in my dad's side was circ'd... all are intact including my own brother.

I did not allow my other sons to be done... all are intact!  Sure wish I had had my parents info BEFORE my first son was born...I am sure it would have prevented his circ...I just did not have enough support.


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## peachpie (Jan 25, 2007)

I usually don't visit this forum too often but some comments from my FIL made me come here today for ammunition.









I never brought up the topic with any grandparents since they all live far away and have never yet needed to change ds diaper or bathe him, etc. He's 15 months btw.

When he was first born, my mom made a comment on the phone about whether i'd be able to cloth diaper in the beginning (that was weird to her too) because his circ would need to heal. When I said he was not circ-d she kind of said "What? " as if she didn't know that was an option.







: My own parents know better than to argue though. I just told them I had done a lot of research and that it was not very common anymore.

Well it never came up with my in-laws until FIL visited a couple weeks ago. After he left dh mentioned how jerky his dad was about ds not being circ'd. Apparently FIL thought it was "weird" and even weirder that dh left the decision up to me! dh said he kept bringing it up-- as if dh was letting me have too much control over him because I didn't want my baby boy cut!







Oh they are so lucky I didn't hear about this til FIL was back on the plane home. btw FIL is an MD. dh told me "You know, he's a psychiatrist. He's trained as a Freudian. It's all about the penis." To which I replied "So tell me the Freudian implications of forcibly cutting the penis of an hours-old baby and then putting him to his mother's breast!"

yes I'm still hopping mad about this but obviously FIL did not want to discuss it with me so I just have to vent at MDC.







:


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## titania8 (Feb 15, 2007)

ugh. my inlaws are jewish, and though they didn't say anything to me, they did to my dh. they are/were not happy about it. i can't even tell you how much i want one of them to say something to! it really gets my blood boiling that they even think they have a right to be upset about _NOT_ CUTTING BABIES!!







:

ok, i needed to get that out. thanks. it eats at me.

my mom hasn't said a word about it. she thinks everything i do is wonderful!


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## triscuitsmom (Jan 11, 2007)

Well... my Mom's first reaction to me was to tell me her best friend said I should get it done because as an elderly man he'd have lots of infections (my Mom and her friend are both nurses FWIW). I kind of looked at her like it was the dumbest thing I've ever heard and said that I definitely was not getting it done just because it supposedly made a PSW job easier if he should ever be bedbound and need complete care.







:

Then we talked about it on a more personal level about a month or two ago and she said she really regretted having my brother (her only boy she birthed, the other one is her stepson (my half brother)) circed. She said my Dad pressured her into it and she wishes he hadn't.

My Dad has never seen Tobias naked and never will... I would never ever ever trust my father to babysit so it won't ever be an issue with the two of us, and since he's done procreating and doesn't see (and therefore can't influence in a bad way) either of my brothers I don't care what my Dad thinks about circ, it's not worth my time educating him.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

When I was pg I told my mom that if it was a boy I wasn't going to circ. She said "but it's so much cleaner"







I told her my partner was intact and it wasn't a problem. She dropped it. Ended up having a girl so it was a moot point. I'm sure if dh and I had a son it wouldn't even come up, it's been alot of years since I had dd and she doesn't get involved in my parenting decisions anymore.


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## Bm31 (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peachpie* 
btw FIL is an MD. dh told me "You know, he's a psychiatrist. He's trained as a Freudian. It's all about the penis." To which I replied "So tell the Freudian implications of forcibly cutting the penis of an hours-old baby and then putting him to his mother's breast!"

Save that for his next visit!!!


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## graceshappymum (May 11, 2006)

Well, we don't have any boys, but if we do my parents would be horrified if we circ'd, parents are European and just don't understand why you would do that.
Don't know what the in laws would say they had DH circ'd, but they are conventional and don't really think stuff through, just do what the doc tells
them







.

Interestingly, my cousin, who is Belgian, like me, married an American, they live in London, England, and his family said that they would not want to see their grandson if he was not circ'd. Then her DH threatened to leave if she did not have it done prior to their returning to the US for ds baptism. My cousin was traumatized, but did it anyway....her DH is such a UA violation,







: in so many ways. I would have said "there's the door...." Anyway, my aunt was so shocked, she can't stand her in laws now, and calls the US the land of the circ'd.....I have told her that there are those who are against it.


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## Microsoap (Dec 29, 2005)

Hi, graceshappymum, from London, Ontario. Maybe you'll see me going around with my intactivist shirt (front: "It's a foreskin! Not a birth defect... back: End genital mutilation") and know you're seeing another intactivist/MDC fan.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobersweethearts* 
I think they thought it was just more of my more "crunchy" lifestyle, I guess. You know, the wooden toys, the organic food, etc.









I think this is my il's thoughts on a lot of things, and they just see no reason to bring it up, ya know? Like I breastfed dd till she was 4, I made homemade baby food, cloth diapers...whatever... Anyway, they just expect that type of thing out of us and could care less as long as the kids are happy and healthy.


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## Lady Lilya (Jan 27, 2007)

My in-laws would never expect us to circ. DH and FIL are not circed. Neither is any male on their side of the family. Where they come from, only Jews and Muslims get circed.

When I was in the car with my father and sister, I was talking with my sister who knew we are anti-circ. My father wasn't really paying attention. My sis asked me what my HB MW's back-up hospital was, and when I told her she said to be careful because they do circs routinely, often without asking first because it is assumed. They are a religious hospital. My father got kinda confused about what we were talking about. I am not sure where his confusion was, because he was only half listening and we may not have said much straight out because sis and I both had talked before and already knew what we are talking about. So, he said something like "can't you just tell them you want him circed?" and my sis said "no, she wants him NOT to be circed." He just said "oh" kinda neutrally -- more like acknowledging that he understood, and less like a judgment of any kind.

At another time, I was in the car with him and DH, and he told DH about when he was younger and he had a friend from Europe who was not circed. A bunch of them guys went to a museum and saw a classical statue that was naked. The guy from Europe pointed to the intact penis on the statue and said proudly "I have a classical penis." The other guys laughed.

He seems ok with it. We did have a discussion about the HIV study, and he seemed to believe me that the study was BS. I have also mentioned to other people in his presence that studies show no real health benefit, and that there is a high rate of horrible complications from it.

My mom just asked me one day if I planned to, and I said no, and that was that.


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## bdavis337 (Jan 7, 2005)

Mom is quite concerned that we don't plan to circumcise boy #3, since boys #1 and #2 are circumcised. She's asked me all the typical questions, and while she's doesn't think it's the right choice, she remembers how horrible it was to clean the boys' after their circs, and she's given me a chance to practice my speech about WHY we're not doing so this time. I'm sure my mil won't be as laid back, but IT'S NOT HER BABY. So I'm not at all concerned about it.


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## Margot Adler (Jun 2, 2007)

my dad actualy said that i was condemning my son to a lifetime of 'ridicule and disease'. my brothers, and sister in law agreed. that ended the discussion. we no longer discuss our son's genitals with anyone in the family and that is that.


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## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Well, we never felt the need to come out and tell them, but they all asked about it. (except FIL) Why they were so interested in the status of DS's penis, I'll never know.







:









My mother said, "It's your decision, do what you feel is best."

My father said, "I think you are making a big mistake. Please, this is from a man's prospective, trust me. He'll be angry at you when he's older for not doing it."

My MIL just acted shocked, but didn't say anything negative about DS being intact.

My FIL hasn't asked about it at all. (MIL and FIL are divorced)

My dad's mom said, "When are you getting x circumcised?"
Me: "We're not. We don't believe in circumcision. It's not necessary and it's damaging to his body."
Her (all huffy): "Well, there are some decisions that parents just have to make for their children."
Me: "Yes, I agree, but this for sure is not one of them."


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## incorrigible (Jun 3, 2007)

.


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## 2boyzmama (Jun 4, 2007)

We didn't share our decision not to circ until after our son was born. Both sets of parents just assumed we would do it, and both asked about it while we were in the hospital, in an off-hand way like "did you get the circ done yet" or something like that. I just calmly replied "we aren't doing that." My mom asked why not, and I just asked "why did you?" And she didn't really have a good answer for me, and that ended that discussion.

Here and there over the last two years since my first son was born I've shared a bit more about why we chose not to, but it hasn't been a big deal until recently. My second son was semi-retracted by a nurse during a catheterization for a medical test and I was infuriated and told everyone in the family about it, and gave me an opportunity to be a bit of an activist about it. Now everyone knows my stance, and I look for opportunities to share it with other relatives, especially when/if I find out they're pregnant with a boy.






















: Mama to: Ian (3/17/05) Connor (3/3/07)


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## incorrigible (Jun 3, 2007)

double send and I can't figure out how to delete...sorry.


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## bluetoes (May 12, 2007)

My in-laws are European. Had we circumsised they would have been polite and said nothing, but would have been quite horrified. The rest of our friends and family from that side would have been sickened. When we were over it came up and they are all just very very confused why anyone would do that. It really is quite high on the list of things Americans do that doesn't make sense. It is considered to be horrible and barbaric.

As for my parents, my mom was on board straight away when I explained to her about it. Although she had my brother done she seems to have regretted it and said at one point 'please don't make me feel guilty, we just didn't know.' She'd given me the book she had when she was pregnant and the info on circ. was pure madness. She was all on board about it and made a point to say 'make sure the hospital knows.' She never did anything weird changing his diaper and just seemed to intuitively know not to retract, just to wipe like a finger. She did mentions something she heard on air america about the HIV thing, but when I explained to her the real deal she understood.

As for my dad, I have no idea. He would never mention it. I presume he's circ'd, my mom said he was, which confuses me since he was born at home in South Texas to Mexicans. I have to wonder if some know it all American doctor examined him and insisted it had to be done.

The only family member that was ugly was my brother. He said we should do it because no girl would want to give our son oral sex. He said this when Finn was two months old! I told him that was ridiculous, I should know being with an intact partner, that it's no more icky than a circ'd guy. Then I added (in anger since he was being an arse) that mom regretted having it done once she learned about it.


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## krissi (Sep 24, 2004)

We have never discussed the matter with my parents, and they know DS is not cut because they've babysat him a couple times and changed his diaper. I think my dad and my brothers are cut (faint memories of a discussion when I was 6 or so and talking about how babies were born) but we don't really discuss stuff like that these days. My parents aren't really pushy with their opinions that way even if they disagree, so it wouldn't be something they'd ever bring up without prompting. But I suspect they probably assume that the reason DS is not cut because DH is European.


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

I can't remember if I responded to this one yet









My dad isn't in the picture but my mom deeply regrets circing my brother. She's thrilled to have 8 intact grandsons.

My husbands family haven't had occasion to see the boys naked and so don't know. All 8 of their sons are circ'd (before I came into the picture) so needless to say we don't have a lot in common.

Laura


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## My2Matthews (Aug 9, 2004)

My dad didn't say anything about it, never has. My mom made comments about that he would get made fun of even as early as preschool (she was a preschool teacher at the time). Then after he was born, she changed her mind. I would not say she is anti-circ (she still thinks parents have the right to choose) but is glad I didn't have it done to Matthew, cause him pain, etc. She has mentioned defending non-circ on a board she posts on so that's good. My mom had all girls so she is not as defensive on the issue.

My grandmother and my uncle were up in arms about it and probably still are, although they haven't mentioned in since he was a few days old. I guess they figured that past that time, I really wasn't going to do it, so why bring it up anymore.







My uncle was upset because his best friend "had to" get circumcised as an adult and literally, really did almost die-- then I said "Why would I have a surgery performed on my baby that almost killed an adult man?" my mom said "Well, I think it was the surgeon's fault" but how would I know a doctor would not make the same mistake, whatever it was, on my baby? argh, there is just no arguing with people like that, though.

My in-laws never mentioned it that I know of.


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## MommyTo3 (Aug 11, 2003)

My parents were both Jewish. I am the only child. I remember my mom telling me when I was growing up that they were "relieved" when I turned out to be a girl. It seems they were nervous about circ'ing. They were not at all religious, but my dad's relatives were extremely religious and my parents would not want to upset them, and absolutely would have done it.

My dad has passed away, but my mom still thought it was a quick, minor procedure. Until last year, when I showed her the graphic circ video. Well, after that she was outraged, and even tried to convert friends to be anti-circ!

She also says she wishes she had listened to me and my ex more about other (anti-established-medical) issues.


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## thefreckledmama (Jun 1, 2007)

We only have girls as of right now (and we're trying for another child), but we've recently been discussing whether or not we'd circ any son(s) we have. Even before I gave it any serious thought or research, I was horrified at the idea of putting a sweet little baby through something so obviously painful right after they were born, and then making them deal with the pain and discomfort until it healed.

Because my husband usually defers to me on issues regarding our children, any sons we have will NOT be circ'd. I've already given a lot of thought to what our parents will say/do when we don't. My MIL will whine about how I need to have it done, basically because she is a nurse, who went to nursing school 40+ years ago, and almost all her medical knowledge is grossly outdated-she thinks putting straight bleach on poison ivy will help heal it







. My FIL will probably say something against it, but then finish with, "But you do what you want." My Mom, in classic being my awesome mom style, might voice how it's not what she did (all my brothers are circ), but she's always supportive of what I choose to do. I think the major opposition will come from my dad and stepmom. My stepmom because she loves to argue and be oppositional regardless of the topic, because she had my 3 youngest brothers all circ, and she's always extremely defensive about anyone doing anything different from what/how she did things. My dad will probably be the strongest opposition, because he's Jewish. Even though he's almost completely non practicing, he still holds to a few beliefs and practices-i.e. circ, not naming children after someone living, etc. My uncle (dad's brother) didn't have my cousin circumcised, and I remember what a HUGE fit everyone on my dad's side of the family had. Luckily, I have a long standing history of disregarding what my parents (and inlaws) tell me, so I think after a few snarky comments here and there, I think they'll all get over it.


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

i don't know that we shared, or didn't share.

MIL asked before birth, before we knew we had a penis at all -- and we told her we were not. BIL and MIL both freaked, and DH had many long talks about unknown effects of early trama, about our oppsition to any body modification and so on.......neither was dumb enough to say it to me or in my hearing.

neither have commented since -- save BIL in a rant about me (not DH) and my "wacky" parenting -- he ranted to DH's AUnt on the dad's side (dad is gone) about it -- how i pick him up every time he cries (he was at the time 8 months -- but i sitll do it almost ever time at 8 months) and how we weren't vaxiong (actually slectively and delayed) and so on ... and it was part of that rant. buttttttttttttttttttt whatever

I do not think MIL had said a word.

My mom an RN was toally supportive and my dad -- i don't even think he has said a word, i am not sure he'd even know if he hadn't changed diapers.


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## Nitenites (Jan 23, 2003)

MIL, when she found out that we weren't circ'ing, was curious and asked why. DH told her that it was an unneccessary surgery, and there was no good reason to do it. She accepted it, no problem.

My mother, however - she's something else. When she found out we weren't circ'ing, said to me, "Sweetheart, you're going to have to pull that thing back (I guess she meant the foreskin) every time he pees." Huh?







Thank goodness she only had girls!


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

When my ILs found out they FREAKED!! My FIL is intact a fact I really didn;t care to know but apparently his intactness gives MIL bladder infections. (AGGGGHHHHHHH)

anyway it was a huge fight and when I left I called my sister and cried about my ILs being so mean. My sister was kind but said, "why aren't you circing him????"

Then she yelled over to my mother who was at her house , "Valerie is not going to the circ the baby" and my mom said, "Oh good! I always thought that was mean thing to do to baby boys."
I was thrilled b/c I had no idea what my mom's opinion might be. I knew whatever I decided she would support me b/c she is like that but I didn't know if she would actually think I was doing the right thing.

My Aunt actually had the best reaction ; "people still do *that*???"


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## Neth Naneth (Aug 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hipumpkins* 
When my ILs found out they FREAKED!! My FIL is intact a fact I really didn;t care to know but apparently his intactness gives MIL bladder infections. (AGGGGHHHHHHH)

Is that medically proven?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hipumpkins* 
My Aunt actually had the best reaction ; "people still do *that*???"

I kind of thought that way, I mean I knew it still existed but I was shocked at the stats. I grew up in an intact house though.

My parents weren't surprised because my brothers are intact. My MIL was a little "surprised" but she never said anything against the choice. I did have a co-worker tell me after I said I was having a boy that the only thing that she didn't like was having to change their diaper after they were circumcised. I mentioned "oh that won't affect me, I'm not circ'ing" she was appalled and tried to tell me that it wouldn't be clean or healthy and yet poop and pee on an open sore is?







:


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Quote:

Is that medically proven?
I doubt it. I should have put the eyeroll smiley in there.


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## BusyBeeMom (May 15, 2005)

My Mom is not a fan of routine circ. She told me my Dad is somewhat in favor of it, though he's definitely not passionate. I know my mom would be in favor of medically-indicated circumcision, if other treatments had failed. They are both physicians, BTW.


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## Claire and Boys (Mar 27, 2007)

I get rampant bladder infections and my DH is circed. *shrug* It was hell when we were ttc our youngest.


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## jennkraig (Apr 20, 2006)

My parents haven't said a word. My mom knows, has changed diapers and such without a problem. My dad, I don't think he actually knows. He didn't ask. I am thinking I might bring it up when he is over for dinner tonight







.
My ILs were born and raised in the Philipines. My FIL told DH the tradition of getting circ at around 13 or 14 and then jumping in the river.







: So my MIL was all worried that is basically what would happen with our baby, he would have it done as a big kid. I told her it never needs to be done and she said ok and that was that.

My SIL recently circ her baby. She has no problems with the fact that we did it. I have a feeling it was my brother's choice not hers. She is delaying or maybe even skipping vaxes all together so at least she got something out of our conversations.

My sis is dating a guy from Columbia. I am assuming he is intact (another thing to ask tonight hehe) and any children they have will be.


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## Mihelinka (Nov 2, 2004)

I wasn't even sure my mother would notice honestly. My first ds was circ'd, we decided against circ w/ my #2. My mom did notice & said, "oh he's not circumcised" and I said no, there's no medical reason to do it so we decided not to do it. She said no more. I'm 99% sure her brothers were not cir'cd as they were a ll born in europe.

I do think my mom thinks i'm a nut, i breastfeed my 3 1/2 yo, we cosleep, not circing ds#2 etc...


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## mags (May 4, 2004)

nak

My parents are fine with it, in their culture circing (taiwanese) is not the norm, my brothers were not circ'd, and my dad's opinion as a ped is that it is unnessary.

My mil on the other hand threw a hissy over it. She confronted me about circing my son within hours of his birth. There I was in a hospital gown, exhausted (b/c she planted herself in my room and wouldn't leave to let me rest. she wanted to wait for my parents to come so she could say, "hello." My parents were unable to arrive until 6 hrs after mil arrived...) arguing with her about MY baby son's penis. Her excuse was that it is for, "hygiene" issues. FTR, my DH is intact and has never had issues. He left the decision up to me. So, you're probably wondering why mil mil is pro circ. Well, my mil had my bil circ'd when he was a teen, b/c she thought it was the fashionable thing to do (this is when they still live in korea, and korea apparantly has a very high rate of circ, but they usually wait until the teen yrs). She wanted to get my DH circ'd too, but he refused to go anywhere with his mom (she had tricked bil into getting circ'd by telling them they were going elsewhere, my DH saw his brother come home crying and holding his crotch coming home from, "shopping."), b/c he was afraid he was going to get him circ'd (my DH was 7 at the time, I think she wanted to have both of her sons circ'd before immigrating to the US).







:


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## quarteralien (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mags* 
nak

My parents are fine with it, in their culture circing (taiwanese) is not the norm, my brothers were not circ'd, and my dad's opinion as a ped is that it is unnessary.

My mil on the other hand threw a hissy over it. She confronted me about circing my son within hours of his birth. There I was in a hospital gown, exhausted (b/c she planted herself in my room and wouldn't leave to let me rest. she wanted to wait for my parents to come so she could say, "hello." My parents were unable to arrive until 6 hrs after mil arrived...) arguing with her about MY baby son's penis. Her excuse was that it is for, "hygiene" issues. FTR, my DH is intact and has never had issues. He left the decision up to me. So, you're probably wondering why mil mil is pro circ. Well, my mil had my bil circ'd when he was a teen, b/c she thought it was the fashionable thing to do (this is when they still live in korea, and korea apparantly has a very high rate of circ, but they usually wait until the teen yrs). She wanted to get my DH circ'd too, but he refused to go anywhere with his mom (she had tricked bil into getting circ'd by telling them they were going elsewhere, my DH saw his brother come home crying and holding his crotch coming home from, "shopping."), b/c he was afraid he was going to get him circ'd (my DH was 7 at the time, I think she wanted to have both of her sons circ'd before immigrating to the US).







:
















: And "hygiene" is still used as an excuse even when both boys had obviously survived that long? Wow, your poor BIL.







:


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## JanB (Mar 4, 2004)

I'm not sure my MIL even knows, and if she does, she apparently doesn't consider it a big deal, because she's never said anything to us about it.

My mom thinks it's great. Although she tends to be a tad on the defensive side if the topic ever comes up, because she had my two brothers circ'ed. She always starts into her speech about how she didn't know any better at the time, and she didn't realize there were options, etc. I mean, she's supportive, she just is a little insecure, I think, because she feels I'm secretly judging her or something. (And I'm not! If I'd had my boys in the 1970s and 1980s, pre-Internet, there's an excellent chance I'd have circ'ed too, so I'm not about to fault her.)


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## mere2hayden (Jun 15, 2007)

We were very nervous about bringing it up and telling them that no matter what, our son will be whole.

My parents were shocked! Shocked that we had ever even "thought" of circumcising in the first place. DH had to be convinced (wasn't hard) but I knew DS would stay intact. That is the day my father went on a rant about his own "great intact penis"...info I would rather have never heard. lol They were 110% supportive.

FIL isn't supportive and still doesn't understand and his wench of a wife thinks it is "gross".

MIL is supportive but she was never allowed to change DS's diapers. She never could understand why you don't pull back the foreskin so I wouldn't allow her to touch him anywhere near there.


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## arlecchina (Jul 25, 2006)

I didnt even tell mine, it never came up. so I just IM'd my dad that I did not circ my youngest and he just said "it isnt very important to do so, is it?"

yay!


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