# No puberty yet



## strawberry_dancer (Dec 21, 2007)

My DD is going through a really tough time right now because she is much less developed than her classmates. She turns 13 in just a few short months. We've talked about puberty and everything that goes with that but for the most part she keeps to herself about her body and i don't press for information. But the other day she came to me in tears. Kids at school have been making fun of her for her lack of chest and hips. She told me she was tired of being the only girl in class who "has not hit puberty." I convinced her to let me see her naked and sure enough she doesn't have any signs of puberty. I'll confess it was surprising to me. I expected at least a few wisps of pubic hair. I assured her that she was normal and her body would "sprout" soon enough. But now i am thinking we should make a doctor appointment just to be on the safe side. Anybody have any experience with late bloomers?


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## Iris' Mom (Aug 3, 2007)

How old were you when you hit puberty?


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## strawberry_dancer (Dec 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Iris' Mom* 
How old were you when you hit puberty?

I was about 11 when i first started. Perhaps she gets it from her father's side?


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## terrordactyl (Jul 19, 2006)

i was the exact opposite when i was younger hit puberty in about the 4th grade so like 10 it sucked just as much but i remember girls her age who hadn't hit puberty yet. i think she's fine. but it might worry her less if you took her to a doctor to reassure her she's fine


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

If I understand correctly, early age at menarche and late age at menopause are risk factors for breast cancer. So the later the better! Yeah, I know, you don't care about that when your 12.

Let her know about the other end of the spectrum. Girls who are already developed when they're 12 have to deal with attention from older boys and even men. Most girls that age aren't mature enough to deal with that.

======

And for what it's worth, I think she's pretty normal. I didn't get my period till I was 13.


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## happyhippiemama (Apr 1, 2004)

I didn't start getting hair until I was almost 13. I started my period at age 16. I never did develop breasts.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Does she have no signs? No growth spurt---taller than boys? No thinker hair on her legs? No undearm or pubic hairs?

If she has nothing then a physical might be helpful. Hearing from a doctor that she is normal might help you both go through this stage.


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## bumblebeej (Nov 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happyhippiemama* 
I never did develop breasts.









laughup That's cute. I had to gain like 80 pounds to grow boobs.







:


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## sniffmommy (Mar 15, 2007)

Or so it seemed. I didn't start my period until I was almost 15. I didn't get pubic hair until late in my 16th year, and I didn't get breasts until I was about 17, and that was a VERY SLOW process.
I was taunted by other kids, but what bugged me most was that I was treated like I was a slow bloomer intellectually too, which drove me CRAZY. Just because I didnt have boobs, didn't mean that I thought like an 11 year old!
Anyway, I don't think you need to worry or worry her until she is out of the spectrum of normal. It can be so hard emotionally, but things that helped me were my parents let me dress according to my level, so at 13 I was allowed to wear tasteful make-up and high heels to church. It eased the pain a little.
Oh, this made me remember a funny/horrible story. You can share this with her.
I was in gym class and I had on a sweatshirt, but I didn't have on a bra, because I didn't need or own one. We were outside playing a tag-like game, when someone grabbed my shirt sleeve, and SWOOP, my shirt came all the way off. There I stood in front of my 7th grade gym class, my MALE gym teacher and our 9th grade MALE teacher's aide. I dropped to the ground and the girls made a circle around me while I got dressed again. I thought life was OVER. I got to the locker bays and everyone was talking about it. I went home and cried and cried to my mom saying I could never go back to school. She apologized to me for not knowing that I might need a bra, or something...so we went out that night and she got me training bras. I didn't need a real bra for years but it made me feel much more confident. The next day at school no one said anything.
Doing things to her appearance, like a more mature hairstyle, wearing deoderant, even pantyliners can help her feel less different. Boosting her confidence can make up some for some of the less sensitive comments. (IMO







)


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## mommahhh (Oct 17, 2004)

Late puberty is awful. I didn't get my period until I was 17. I had no breasts at all until 16. Totally flat. In grade 9 I was teased about that fact until I went out and bought a padded bra. But the whole thing seriously affected my self esteem. My mom took me to the doctor in grade 7 and grade 9, and both times he said I was ok, just on a slower schedule.

The padded bra really did start making me feel better. No one teased me anymore and I looked "normal".


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

I'd suggest helping her pick out clothing styles to make her look curvier, and have a few other grooming tips to look more mature so it's not ALL body, you know? Like stylish hair and face can make a girl look older, and so can boobs and hips on a babyface. Yeah we should all love our bodies and so on, but you can love your body and still cry because other people are mean to you about it. Incorporate the wardrobe gradually so other people don't notice a sudden change, because that too will be teased over.


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## strawberry_dancer (Dec 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
Does she have no signs? No growth spurt---taller than boys? No thinker hair on her legs? No undearm or pubic hairs?

If she has nothing then a physical might be helpful. Hearing from a doctor that she is normal might help you both go through this stage.

Yeah, no signs yet... although she does seem to have gotten a bit taller lately, so i guess that is a positive sign. And those were my thoughts exactly about the doctor visit. I agree.


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## strawberry_dancer (Dec 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sniffmommy* 
Or so it seemed. I didn't start my period until I was almost 15. I didn't get pubic hair until late in my 16th year, and I didn't get breasts until I was about 17, and that was a VERY SLOW process.
I was taunted by other kids, but what bugged me most was that I was treated like I was a slow bloomer intellectually too, which drove me CRAZY. Just because I didnt have boobs, didn't mean that I thought like an 11 year old!
Anyway, I don't think you need to worry or worry her until she is out of the spectrum of normal. It can be so hard emotionally, but things that helped me were my parents let me dress according to my level, so at 13 I was allowed to wear tasteful make-up and high heels to church. It eased the pain a little.
Oh, this made me remember a funny/horrible story. You can share this with her.
I was in gym class and I had on a sweatshirt, but I didn't have on a bra, because I didn't need or own one. We were outside playing a tag-like game, when someone grabbed my shirt sleeve, and SWOOP, my shirt came all the way off. There I stood in front of my 7th grade gym class, my MALE gym teacher and our 9th grade MALE teacher's aide. I dropped to the ground and the girls made a circle around me while I got dressed again. I thought life was OVER. I got to the locker bays and everyone was talking about it. I went home and cried and cried to my mom saying I could never go back to school. She apologized to me for not knowing that I might need a bra, or something...so we went out that night and she got me training bras. I didn't need a real bra for years but it made me feel much more confident. The next day at school no one said anything.
Doing things to her appearance, like a more mature hairstyle, wearing deoderant, even pantyliners can help her feel less different. Boosting her confidence can make up some for some of the less sensitive comments. (IMO







)

Yikes! I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I can't imagine what it must have been like to watch all your friends become women after all those years yet have your own body remain childlike. It does give me some insight into what my DD might be feeling so thanks! My DD is taking gym class this year which has been really hard for her because of changing in the locker room and all that. It's no fun being all exposed like that, especially at her age! I did get her a training bra though. So we can avoid your embarrassing moment!







It is good we can look back and laugh at these things.


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## strawberry_dancer (Dec 21, 2007)

You have given me some solid advice so far! Thanks.


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## WeasleyMum (Feb 27, 2007)

Another late-bloomer here. I didn't get _any_ signs of puberty until 9th grade, when they all came at once; I grew 4 inches, gained 20 pounds (much-needed, went from 95-115), grew some boobs and hips, and started my periods. About darn time, is what I remember thinking.

I don't really have any advice for your daughter as far as the other girls though-- just wanted her to know that plenty of us develop later than average. Just out of curiosity, how much does she weigh? Is she very thin? I read an interesting theory that puberty is linked more to weight than to age, which is why so many young girls are developing in 4th or 5th grade now-- according to this theory 100 pounds is a turning point. A lot of kids are hitting that mark-- which could be considered an adult weight-- very early, while some don't until much later, like me.


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## flight (Feb 3, 2004)

I'll join the late-bloomer club too. I was short and small and also had no signs of puberty at 13. I weighed maybe 95 pounds and was 11% body fat (we were learning about it in Phys Ed, and you had the choice to find out what your body fat percentage was.) I was/am always very small-busted--I wore training bras and soft-cup bras all the way through high school. I certainly didn't need them for anything like support until some time after I got my period. I didn't get my period until 5 months before my 15th birthday. As for body hair...what body hair? At 15 I was still only shaving every 2 months or so!

So yeah, maybe you could read her these responses; maybe it will help reassure her that she's still normal. (Of course it won't stop the kids at school from teasing her.) I liked the suggestions to gradually introduce other symbols of maturity, like makeup, heeled shoes, and clothes cut to give the appearance of boobs and hips.


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## 63977 (Sep 14, 2006)

I didn't start my period until high school. I remember having to change for PE in 7th grade. I did my best to change in the bathroom instead of in front of everyone because I had no need for a bra. Now that I'm pregnant, I finally have the boobs I desired in middle school!


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## im18 (Dec 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *strawberry_dancer* 
My DD is going through a really tough time right now because she is much less developed than her classmates. She turns 13 in just a few short months. We've talked about puberty and everything that goes with that but for the most part she keeps to herself about her body and i don't press for information. But the other day she came to me in tears. Kids at school have been making fun of her for her lack of chest and hips. She told me she was tired of being the only girl in class who "has not hit puberty." I convinced her to let me see her naked and sure enough she doesn't have any signs of puberty. I'll confess it was surprising to me. I expected at least a few wisps of pubic hair. I assured her that she was normal and her body would "sprout" soon enough. But now i am thinking we should make a doctor appointment just to be on the safe side. Anybody have any experience with late bloomers?

my daughter is turning 18 and her breasts is not developing and she is not having her period yet. but there was a time when she experienced blood spot in her undies. i really feel bad for her because shes in college now taking up BSN and she really feels different and ashamed of it...


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## ank220 (May 9, 2007)

There is A LOT of sexual pressure for kids nowadays, and I know that can be tough. Everyone develops at different rates, however, and she may just be a slow bloomer. If you are truly concerned, talk to her pediatrician. They can do some blood work to check up on her hormones, etc...

My dd started her period at 10 (and just barely 10)! Now, at 11 y.o., she looks like an average 16 y.o. - and it is VERY scary because of all the "attention" she tends to get.


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## im18 (Dec 22, 2007)

really? your breasts did not develop? what do you think about ny daughter? shes turning 18 next yr yet she still do not have her period and her breasts is not developing.. this is for *happyhippiemama*


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

meeahh- 'nother late bloomer... and in some ways, nonbloomer. Dd much the same. And I think that has helped. I have stressed the positives while trying not to make them sound like negatives when they do happen. Ei- periods can be a pia. It's going to come sooner or later barring anything medically wrong. Just enjoy life without for now. Same with not having a need for a bra. I would find life easier without those two things but at the time, am in no hurry to whisk them away


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

If she is still growing in height and weight, it probably isn't anything to be concerned about. If she is tall, but thin (or very athletic), it's likely that she just hasn't hit the level of bodyfat that she needs to start developing her secondary sex characteristics. IIRC, a female needs to be at 15-17% body fat to have a menstrual cycle.


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## sevenkids (Dec 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *strawberry_dancer* 
My DD is going through a really tough time right now because she is much less developed than her classmates. She turns 13 in just a few short months. We've talked about puberty and everything that goes with that but for the most part she keeps to herself about her body and i don't press for information. But the other day she came to me in tears. Kids at school have been making fun of her for her lack of chest and hips. She told me she was tired of being the only girl in class who "has not hit puberty." I convinced her to let me see her naked and sure enough she doesn't have any signs of puberty. I'll confess it was surprising to me. I expected at least a few wisps of pubic hair. I assured her that she was normal and her body would "sprout" soon enough. But now i am thinking we should make a doctor appointment just to be on the safe side. Anybody have any experience with late bloomers?


At just _12!?!?_ Oh, my, when I was 12 I was wearing a C cup, had hairy pits and legs, and my period for a year. I was constantly getting teased for having boobs and hair! You just can't win in middle school.....









My 12 y/o dd doesn't have any signs of puberty yet (unless you count total b*&$#iness as a sign!) and I think that's supposed to be normal for a 12 y/o. But she is one of the few girls in her peer group that isn't developing as quickly. The girls on her cheer team all had breasts and hips and were at least 4 inches taller than her, but because she was smaller she got the coveted position of flyer, so being "undeveloped" was a positive thing for her.


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## sapientia (Apr 22, 2007)

My 13 yo hasn't started her period yet, and has developed very slowly in the breast department...my 11 yo on the other hand, already has the curves, breasts and has started her period. I do think the body fat has something to do with it-my 11 yo is a little heavier and my 13 yo is skinny as a rail. It used to bother my oldest-but now she is just seeing it as the way her body is developing. It CAN be nervewracking! I called a dear friend as soon as my 11 yo started just to make sure my 13 yo was ok!


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## Mommal (Dec 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *im18* 
my daughter is turning 18 and her breasts is not developing and she is not having her period yet. but there was a time when she experienced blood spot in her undies. i really feel bad for her because shes in college now taking up BSN and she really feels different and ashamed of it...

Hey- just wanted to suggest getting your daughter an appointment with an endocrinologist (A doc who specializes in glands and hormones). There are some medical conditions that can delay puberty.

To the original poster- I got my period at 13, but my Mom didn't get hers until 16. Your daughter is still very much in the normal range.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

I don't know if the body fat thing is correct. It wasn't in my case. I still got my period at age 12 and I was underweight. (I weighed 99 pounds at age 19)

As for "hips," some women just don't have prominent hips. Is her body shape like anyone else's in the family?


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *strawberry_dancer* 
I was about 11 when i first started. Perhaps she gets it from her father's side?

I agree. This is a great time to teach your child that not all people are the same, nor do they develop the same. If she were to be compared to those same classmates from when they were all 2-3 years old I bet they also didn't start talking, crawling and walking at the same time either. They are still reaching milestones even when puberty hits whether you realize it or not. I'd be working at convincing her that she is not abnormal because her body isn't changing fast enough. And her friends aren't really her true friends if they take time out to rib her about how she looks rather than just hanging out and being friends with her for other reasons.









I feel for girls and boys in this type of situation. My oldest son feels so small compared to other boys in his grade level but he's right at their same level, only a few kids are taller than him this year. I was always the shortest in school and the skinniest, right up until graduation. I didn't seem to care. Sure I thought fuller figured girls were gorgeous but I didn't look down on myself because I was thin and most of the girls were envious of my thin body.

We all have our strong areas, your daughter just needs to find her strong area right now.


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## strawberry_dancer (Dec 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WeasleyMum* 
Just out of curiosity, how much does she weigh? Is she very thin? I read an interesting theory that puberty is linked more to weight than to age, which is why so many young girls are developing in 4th or 5th grade now-- according to this theory 100 pounds is a turning point. A lot of kids are hitting that mark-- which could be considered an adult weight-- very early, while some don't until much later, like me.

I think there might be some merit to that idea. My DD is only about 95 pounds. She is quite thin. Athletic too.


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## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

My younger daughter was 16 before she got her period.

Am I the only one who would feel really uncomfortable asking my daughter to strip so that I could look at her? My daughter's MD did this, but it's not something I can imagine doing.


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## MamaWindmill (Feb 5, 2005)

Do you folks think we should be responding to posters with very few posts who want to talk about children's bodies and pubic hair?


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## 3girls1boy (Nov 20, 2001)

Oldest DD developed suddenly at 14 and she is a vegetarian. Her younger sister who eats meat (and yet is still pretty thin) is already developing at 12.


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## SJane01 (Feb 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaWindmill* 
Do you folks think we should be responding to posters with very few posts who want to talk about children's bodies and pubic hair?

Do you folks think that we should ignore posters based upon some folks thinking that we are not a receptical for parents with concerns? Is the paranoia of pedophilia so strong in you? You also realize that we are cached by google, right? I'd speculate that our problems, concerns and resolutions are read by at least as many non-members than members. Even if low count posters posting about children's bodies and pubic hair may be trolls, our advice to these threads can populate and provide advice for others who may not feel comfortable posting, but only reading.


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## SJane01 (Feb 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3girls1boy* 
Oldest DD developed suddenly at 14 and she is a vegetarian. Her younger sister who eats meat (and yet is still pretty thin) is already developing at 12.

It's more or less accepted that eating meats raised on hormones for growth will decrease the average age of pubertal development. (even if only a year on the average)


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## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SJane01* 
Do you folks think that we should ignore posters based upon some folks thinking that we are not a receptical for parents with concerns? Is the paranoia of pedophilia so strong in you? You also realize that we are cached by google, right? I'd speculate that our problems, concerns and resolutions are read by at least as many non-members than members. Even if low count posters posting about children's bodies and pubic hair may be trolls, our advice to these threads can populate and provide advice for others who may not feel comfortable posting, but only reading.

I actually can see what MamaWindmill is saying. And I don't think it's necessarily "paranoia of pedophilia." I have a "squeemish" reaction to asking a 12 year old to strip naked so that her genitals can be examined. Pedophia didn't enter my mind, so much as a feeling of "Is this me???"


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## SJane01 (Feb 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SusanElizabeth* 
I actually can see what MamaWindmill is saying. And I don't think it's necessarily "paranoia of pedophilia." I have a "squeemish" reaction to asking a 12 year old to strip naked so that her genitals can be examined. Pedophia didn't enter my mind, so much as a feeling of "Is this me???"

When we was waiting on puberty to come, I've asked my then 13yo, if I could look at his. He did not care, and it was known that he did not care however. Knowing what your kids bits look like in a situation like this is not a bad thing. If the OP said that they are checking their 12yo's genitals daily, i'd be concerned. Once... I'm not even the least bit concerned, unless it was forced, coerced or otherwise done in a manner that was not conductive to the childs health.


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## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

Our doctor examines my daughters' regularly as part of their check-ups . When my younger daughter was late going through puberty the doctor did describe what she saw and said she thought things were progressing, but that my daughter was definitely on the late end of the curve. I personally could not do this, but I don't think it's related to fear of pedophilia. Maybe I'm uptight in this way (it's entirely possible) -- that's why I wondered if anyone else had those kinds of feelings.


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## MamaWindmill (Feb 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SJane01* 
When we was waiting on puberty to come, I've asked my then 13yo, if I could look at his. He did not care, and it was known that he did not care however. Knowing what your kids bits look like in a situation like this is not a bad thing. If the OP said that they are checking their 12yo's genitals daily, i'd be concerned. Once... I'm not even the least bit concerned, unless it was forced, coerced or otherwise done in a manner that was not conductive to the childs health.

I'm not talking about going to the doctor. I'm talking about random people asking pointed questions on MDC. It's not "paranoia," it's, you know, common sense.


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## mommy2maya (Jun 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SJane01* 
Do you folks think that we should ignore posters based upon some folks thinking that we are not a receptical for parents with concerns? Is the paranoia of pedophilia so strong in you? You also realize that we are cached by google, right? I'd speculate that our problems, concerns and resolutions are read by at least as many non-members than members. Even if low count posters posting about children's bodies and pubic hair may be trolls, our advice to these threads can populate and provide advice for others who may not feel comfortable posting, but only reading.

Maybe it's the username Im18 that is leading her to feel that the poster shouldn't be responded to?


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I was a late bloomer (14 or so). She's not out of the range of normal yet, at all... and I'd say she's lucky, but obviously she doesn't see it that way.


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## strawberry_dancer (Dec 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SusanElizabeth* 
My younger daughter was 16 before she got her period.

Am I the only one who would feel really uncomfortable asking my daughter to strip so that I could look at her? My daughter's MD did this, but it's not something I can imagine doing.









Yeah, believe me, it WAS a bit awkward. I certainly respect her privacy and never forced her or anything like that. I just sorta wanted to get an idea of where she was coming from that's all...


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## 3girls1boy (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SJane01* 
It's more or less accepted that eating meats raised on hormones for growth will decrease the average age of pubertal development. (even if only a year on the average)

The meat we eat at our house is raised without hormones--I suspect it has something more to do with the amount of protein and fat she gets with the meat. (although come to think of it, there is the occasional fast food burger and the pepperoni on the frozen pizza is not organic)


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