# How old is too old to have another babY?



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

I am 37. If I got pregnant now I'd be almost 38 when the baby was born. The baby's siblings would be 3 and 6.

DH is not in favor of going through another babyhood. He'd rather adopt an older child, like at least 18 mos.

I want to have another baby. I think.

There are many good reasons not to have another baby. But, I want one.

I really do.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

My mother was 42 when she had my littlest sister! (She did have a miscarriage after that, which may or may not have been related to her age). She was talking about this the other day... said she felt bad about how she'd raised us older kiddies, but that now she was older she felt much more relaxed raising R and A, which is definitely true. On the other hand, she does get pretty tired. So, you know... pros and cons. If you did choose to have another baby, his/her siblings wouldn't be too much older, which is nice. Mum had R after a big (eight-year) gap, and if she hadn't had A too it might have been pretty lonely for R with all her grown-up sisters.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

My MIL was 38 when dh was born and 40 when SIL was born. They are the youngest two of five. I wouldn't say it's too old.


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## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

I don't think you're too old. My grandma had her last baby at 43. A firend of mine had her second baby at 42 (she had her first at 23, I think). She has a 2 yr old now, and I"m pretty sure she wants one more, not sure if that's gonna happen though.

I also have a relative that had her foirst child at 48, and her second at 50.

I'm 33 with a 2 yr old, and hope to eventually have 2 or 3 more.


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## MamaLuvsHerBabies (Sep 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
My mother was 42 when she had my littlest sister! (She did have a miscarriage after that, which may or may not have been related to her age). She was talking about this the other day... said she felt bad about how she'd raised us older kiddies, but that now she was older she felt much more relaxed raising R and A, which is definitely true. On the other hand, she does get pretty tired. So, you know... pros and cons. If you did choose to have another baby, his/her siblings wouldn't be too much older, which is nice. Mum had R after a big (eight-year) gap, and if she hadn't had A too it might have been pretty lonely for R with all her grown-up sisters.


Wow...this sounds exactly like my current situation. I am 40 currently, and have a 11, 13, and 15 year old. We had another baby 15 mos ago, and are trying to have another. Sometimes I feel like I am 'too old', but then again...I'm in great health, I am a much more relaxed/knowledgable as a parent, I am married to the same wonderful man for the past 18 years, and I LOVE BEING A MOMMY!!! I will be 41 (God willing) when/if we have another, and yes I worry about all the age-related 'what-if's' of pregnancy, but there are no guarantees in this life for any momma. I can only pray for the health and safety of any new baby that we are blessed with. I'm not sure how old is 'too old', but I know it's not me.


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## patronia (Nov 28, 2007)

If you have the funds to support another child, 38 is defiantly not too old. Go for it, with your DH's blessing, of course


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Im 40 and would love another child ( 16 13 and 4) If God grants us another child i would be


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Well....I was 29 with my first, 31 with my second, had a miscarriage in 2002, and my last baby in 2005, at 38. (had a tubal)

I don't think 38 is too old at all.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

My mom had 4 kids when she was pretty young (and in a 5 year span). Then no more kids for 12 (?) years (she had one more then). Then another 6 (?) years later she had another (at 40 years old). Then a year ago she had another (at 44, almost 45). She now has 4 adult children (2 of whom have 4 babies between them, my ds is the oldest), a preteen, a kindergartener and a toddler. Life is busy for her and she doesn't even look like a Grandma









For me, personally, I won't be having any children after the age of 35. Just a personal decision. I'm torn on whether I will have one more or not. DP and I have talked about it alot. I think it's going to come down to how we're doing in 5ish years. We have a lot of things we want to have done by then. If they're not, we probably won't have any more and either he or I will get "fixed".


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## NaomiLorelie (Sep 2, 2004)

My mom had her last at 39, and it was a surprise at that. IMO you are only too old once your body decides it's time to quit having babies.


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## MichelleS (May 18, 2005)

My MIL was 41 when she had my DH.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

35! My actual cut-off was 37, but then I decided earlier that I had abslolutley no desire to have any more kids. I wanted another baby.. But, I didn't want to HAVE another baby. Does that make sense?


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *famousmockngbrd* 
DH is not in favor of going through another babyhood. He'd rather adopt an older child, like at least 18 mos.


How do you feel about this?


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## spring978 (Aug 6, 2007)

I am 36 my kids are 17,13, and 16 months. I would like one more before i turn 40. We are thinking of adoption but the verdict is still out


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

My aunt had kids at 47 and 48, respectively, and it's been a joy for everyone. Where she did find it hard was at the teenage end; her (second) husband was younger though so he did the heavy lifting. I'm 36 and considering another. I think it really depends on your energy levels, etc.


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## boobybunny (Jun 28, 2005)

My mom had me at 20, and my brother at 43.

All I can really say is I wish she had waited to have me. She is a much better hands on mom with my brother. I am jealous of the financial benefit and just the patience levels she now has with my brother, stuff I never really saw. What is it they say??? 60 is the new 40? Boomers have set so many bars at new levels, who is to say what is too old.

My mom is now 58, and my brother just turned 15, so that makes me 38...







and I have a 3 year old. Not much has changed since having my first child at 27.... just a few more grey hairs. My mid section did not bounce back like it did with my first two... but that might be the surgery i had to have while pregnant.


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## boysrus (Dec 2, 2001)

My mom had me at 41. One of my friends just had an unassisted home birth at 40. I don't think you are too old. BUT!!! Your dh doesn't want to have another baby. That is a MUCH bigger issue than your age.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boysrus* 
My mom had me at 41. One of my friends just had an unassisted home birth at 40. I don't think you are too old. BUT!!! Your dh doesn't want to have another baby. That is a MUCH bigger issue than your age.

True. HE thinks we are too old. Among other things, mainly money issues.

About the adoption thing - I have very mixed feelings about it. It's not an option I want to consider right now, I guess because I am still attached to the idea of having a pregnancy, birth, newborn experience. I have to be able to really let that go before I can consider the idea of taking in an older baby.

Deep down inside, I want to have another. I agree with DH that newborns are a PITA, and yes we are broke and our house is too small. There are plenty of good reasons not to have any more babies, yes. But the heart wants what it wants, as they say.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Too old to physically have another baby would be sometime after menopause







As long as you feel you can do it, I don't think there is an age limit. A woman who lived next to my grandmother was a foster mom for crack babies until she was nearly 80. Personally I do not plan on having children after 30. I am 22 now and have two children and one on the way. How ever many kids I have by the time I'm 30 is how many kids I have. But I know my body's limits and I am certain that beyond 30 I would not be able to care for young children as efficiently as I can now. I've had a few serious back injuries, lived a fairly hard life so far compared to most folks my age. But if you feel great at 37 and you have the energy for another baby, go for it!


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

I had my last babe (#4) when I was 36. No problems.







I do feel like the odd man out, though. Most of my friends all have older kiddos, same age as my first 2. It is hard to find mamas in the same boat. I am nearly 40 now and I have little in common with most mothers of 3 year olds. It can get a bit lonely.

Also, the older you get and more kids you have, the harder and longer it is to get back to "normal" YK.

But for the most part, having babies as an older-ish mama gets the ol'







.


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## lajn (Jun 10, 2007)

I had my first at 35, my second at 37, and my third at 41.
The third one was my easiest pregnancy, easiest delivery, and easiest baby.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

I'm 37 and am hoping to have another one before I'm 40, so I guess I'll be 38 with the next one or 39 but I reckon my cut off point will be 40 until I get there and then I may change my mind!! just for you information dh is quite happy having lots of kids (he's one of 9) so it's a sort of my body, my decision kind of thing.


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## gargirl (Dec 30, 2006)

I'm right there with you, but I am already 40.







I cannot make a decision and I hear the clock ticking!!!!!! LOL


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## GranoLLLy-girl (Mar 1, 2005)

I had my first baby at 37 and the second baby at 40. I run marathons now at 43 and am more active than many women I know who are much younger than I am.
At 37, I was financially and emotionally ready--any YOUNGER to ME would be TOO YOUNG! LOL!


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## Jilian (Jun 16, 2003)

I don't think you are too old! I, personally would prefer to be done with childbearing by early to mid 40's. As a Doula I have had clients having their first child in their mid 40's without any trouble at all. Just beware that some OBs and MWs will try to tell you that you are "high risk" because of your age


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## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

I think It all depends on how you feel. I don't think there is an age limit. I was 20 when i had my first then 32 when i had my second, i think i'm a better mom with my second than i was with my first. I'm 35, soon to be 36 and i'm not ready to quit. So I personally don't think 38 is too old, i think 38 is the perfect age if you want another. I did go through the same thing though about the age limit, only because "others" in my life convinced me what their idea of too old was. But now I Know I'm not too old, and neither are you


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## sparklefairy (May 21, 2005)

I don't know for me yet. I'm 35 and don't have a partner. If I got pregnant now, my kids would be 8 & 10 when the baby came. I sometimes feel done and sometimes hope for another or even another "pair" (because there are such great things about having a close sibling) with my limit being sometime before 45.

But then I have all these plans for my life that are so much easier to follow through with older kids. . .

There were great things about having babies in my 20s but there are great things about being a more mature parent too.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

My personal cut off was 30 (and I ended up giving birth to my second and last at 26).

But if you feel physically up to it (and there's no reason why you shouldn't), I would definitely try to get DP on board and have another baby.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

I had my first at 37, my second at 39, a month before turning 40. I don't have a problem running after kids, picking up toys.... I was definetely not mature enough in my 20s for kids. It's a nice asset to parenting, when you are old enough to be confident, but not cocky, if you know what I mean.


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Dh's mom (and dad, they're the same age) had Dh at 30, dd#2 at 33, and dd#3 at 36. His grandmother had his dad (her last of 6 living babes) at age 40 (she lived to be 92, btw).

I'm curious as to how it would be easier to adopt an older child (and really 18 months isn't THAT much older), either financially, or physically and emotionally. Adoption can be expensive even with aid, and adopted kiddos come with their own set of challenges that can be just as draining (and rewarding!) as having a newborn. If he hopes to adopt later, when you're more financially set, that's cool, but you'll be even older. I'm not trying to discourage you from adopting (I think it's a wonderful thing), but just trying to point out it isn't necessarily an "easier", less stressful route. And the older the child, the more adjustments that you and dh will need to make.

It's a tough decision, but I don't think that you're old enough that age should be the deciding factor. GL!


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## melshanezach (Mar 2, 2006)

I am 36 having my 8th baby. This pregnancy has been kind or rough and I am really feeling warn down at 28 weeks:yawning: I guess it may have something to do with chasing a 3 and 1 yo also. This will be my last thought. I'm tired and ready to have my body back. I think that if someone wants to have a baby in their 40's great for them. Kids keep you young.


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## amberchan (Nov 3, 2006)

I haven't read the other replies, but I just had a baby last month and I will be 38 in January. I didn't have any problems with pregnancy or labor - though I have to say I was feeling my age by month 9







. Now that DS2 is here (DS1 is 4), things are going fine. True, I don't have the energy of a 20-something, but I think mentally I'm much more stable and easy going than I was 10 or 15 years ago.


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## es1967 (Oct 31, 2007)

I just turned 40 this year and have a 14 month old. I would love to have one more but my Dh does not. I do get tired chasing around my toddler who is into absolutely everything but so are all the younger moms in there 20's! Personally, I think I have more energy and patience than I did when I was younger.


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## wowbaby42 (Jul 31, 2007)

I had ds #1 at 21, ds #2 at 24, and dd at 29. I said I wanted all of my children by the age of 30. Well, I remarried in June and DH and I will have our first babe in March. That was unexpected!!!







If she is on time I will be 42, otherwise she will be my birthday gift as I turn 43. Yes, we have discussed having another and he has left that decision up to me and my body. Other than being tired a lot, I have truly enjoyed this pregnancy. BTW this is DH's only child, so that has made it even more fun!!!


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *famousmockngbrd* 
True. HE thinks we are too old. Among other things, mainly money issues.

About the adoption thing - I have very mixed feelings about it. It's not an option I want to consider right now, I guess because I am still attached to the idea of having a pregnancy, birth, newborn experience. I have to be able to really let that go before I can consider the idea of taking in an older baby.

Deep down inside, I want to have another. I agree with DH that newborns are a PITA, and yes we are broke and our house is too small. There are plenty of good reasons not to have any more babies, yes. But the heart wants what it wants, as they say.

But isn't adoption very expensive?


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

I've already replied on this thread but wanted to add that - I personally, wasn't ready to have a babe in my 20s - not saying that's every one but I wasn't ready, I had 3 miscarriages, I had honestly given up hope when I fell pg with dd - I was 30 and had her at 31 I think something inside me clicked and I really wanted her, I was far more in tune with my pregnancy and 'in love' with my baby than I think I would ever have been at 24 (first miscarriage).


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## liqzierda (Nov 15, 2007)

I don't understand why your DH thinks adoption is a more viable option than another bio-kid?

My son was born right after I turned 40. He is two now and if I hadn't been through 7 miscarriages and if we had more money, I'd go ahead and try for a third child. So I certainly don't think you are too old.


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## kaspar (Nov 9, 2005)

i am 36 with one babe and while i want another i feel like i would be too old by the time a second one got here. the risks of all sorts of problems increase dramatically after you are 35. i made 35 my cutoff for getting pregnant and barely squeaked in under the wire. if we have another we will probably adopt.


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

You're totally not too old! If you desire a baby, and your dh is on board, then I don't see why you shouldn't try. Love is what your baby needs, and it sounds like you have plenty of that!

Heck, I was just reading an article today about mothers around the world having babies at 60-65.







:


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## kissum (Apr 15, 2006)

My mom had her youngest at 39. He is the youngest by a lot, but he is so well loved! And my mom actually wishes she would've had another. And your kids are still so little- I don't see why not. I think if you're going to do it, start trying soon, but if you can talk DH around I say go for it. Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

DH would rather adopt because he doesn't want to parent a newborn again. He's not entirely against having another child in our family, despite our financial issues, although I am pretty sure he doesn't want to do that right now. Also, his two brothers are adoped, as well as his nephew, so I think he just sees it as a good thing to do.


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## Iris' Mom (Aug 3, 2007)

I had my first at 25, my second at 37 and my third at 43, so I don't think you're too old at all. I'm now at the age where I would hesitate to have another because of risks to the health of the baby. But, if I *happened* to turn up pregnant, I'd be psyched. If there were no increased risks associated with age, I'd have no problem having a child at my age. I don't worry at all about having a teenager when I'm in my 50s or so.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I had my first when I was 35 (almost 36), and my second when I was 40 (almost 41). Now I'm 43 and would love another. We'll see what happens!

I agree with the pp who said that "too old" is when your body's no longer able to get pregnant -- so that'll be the deciding factor for me.

I also agree with the pp who said to beware of those in the medical system who are just itching to label later-in-life pregnancies as "high risk." I think a big part of the motivation for that is financial -- maybe because my experience with my first pregnancy was that medical interventions "just in case," led to increased complications, which led to a bigger bill.

When I got pregnant for the second time at 40, I was determined to stay out of the medical system if at all possible. I started seeing a midwife in the last trimester, and everything went great. Baby even arrived a few minutes before our midwife did; dh and a couple of friends were there for support, so I can't say we went completely unassisted.

If I'm blessed to get pregnant again, I'll definitely stay away from doctors unless I feel strong indications that I need some medical intervention. It's just better, at any age, to assume things are normal because they usually are.

A friend my age just had a baby under Medicaid, and she said she had to have all of the tests for Down Syndrome in order to keep the Medicaid. Because of her age and her number of pregnancies (this was her 10th), she had to have every. single. test. there was for pregnant women. It was crazy!

Still, it all ended up with a healthy mom and a healthy baby. She really felt hospital was the right choice for her, so she just buckled down and submitted to all the procedures. Her call to make, not mine. I just encourage people to think about what they're entering into, if they go the medical route for pregnancy at any age ... especially past 40.


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *famousmockngbrd* 
DH would rather adopt because he doesn't want to parent a newborn again. He's not entirely against having another child in our family, despite our financial issues, although I am pretty sure he doesn't want to do that right now. Also, his two brothers are adoped, as well as his nephew, so I think he just sees it as a good thing to do.

It IS an awesome thing to do! I just think that to adopt because you don't want to parent a newborn again could be setting oneself up for some serious shock. The newborn stage is pretty short, really. An adopted child doesn't just blend into a new family -- having a new child of any age in the household really isn't unlike having a newborn in the house. There are still going to be struggles to communicate, sleep struggles (and night waking), etc. How much of any of this you deal with personally depends on the particular child, her/his history, and your group chemistry, but you're not going to end up with less of an adjustment period by adopting.

And of course, as with conceiving and birthing a babe, you both have to be behind the adoption 100%. It kind of sounds like your dh doesn't really want to add another child, but if thinks that if you really want to, then adoption is his compromise. I would research both ends of the situation (pregnancy and birth at an "older" age, and adoption), and figure out where *you* really stand on it, and then talk to him again.


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## honolula (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:

A friend my age just had a baby under Medicaid, and she said she had to have all of the tests for Down Syndrome in order to keep the Medicaid. Because of her age and her number of pregnancies (this was her 10th), she had to have every. single. test. there was for pregnant women. It was crazy!
Not legal.

I had dd1 at 21, and dd 2 at 26. I'm 29, now, and I have so much to do! I want to go to school, clean up my credit, buy a nice house, and build a strong, long-term partnership with a wealthy, submissive fireman.







I'd like to have more children in my mid-to-late thirties, provided I have the energy.

My 7 y/o goes to a fancy shmancy montessori school (we get financial aid). I'm one of the youngest moms in DD's class and I'm just in envy of the resources and calm that most of the older moms have.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

My MIL had her FIRST baby when she was 37. She has 4 strong healthy boys, well, now they're men.









37 is DEFINITELY not too old.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *honolula* 
Not legal.

Not legal? For pregnant women to be required to follow all doctor recommendations in order to keep their Medicaid coverage?

I'd be interested if you can cite any sources showing that this isn't legal. This particular friend seems very knowledgeable about her rights in general, she's definitely not one to get intimidated into stuff, so it's surprising to hear she might have been deceived into thinking she "had" to submit to every recommended test in order to keep her coverage.


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## SquibsNCrackers (Oct 21, 2005)

I gave birth at 32, 36 (ds born still), 37 and 39 (2 weeks before my 40th birthday). My stillbirth was not related to my age.

No plans for more, but at 45 I consider myself too tired, not too old.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

I've had pregnancy Medicaid for all 3 of my kids and I NEVER had to have any of the tests the docs tried to push on me. My kids also have Medicaid and I never had any trouble w/ that even w/ ds3 being unvaccinated.


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## Quate (Oct 24, 2007)

Well, my MIL had DH when she was 40. He turned out wonderfully, I must say.







And my SIL (DH's sister) had DD1 when she was 41. She had a rough pregnancy and decided they were fortunate just to have one. So BIL had the operation done. And, 4 years later, DS was born. Surprise! She had an easy pregnancy and the kid, so far, is much happier and healthier than her first. So 45 is clearly not too old.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wendy1221* 
I've had pregnancy Medicaid for all 3 of my kids and I NEVER had to have any of the tests the docs tried to push on me. My kids also have Medicaid and I never had any trouble w/ that even w/ ds3 being unvaccinated.

My kids have Medicaid, too, and, like you, I've never had any trouble over not vaccinating.

Do you think maybe your younger age might've helped you with being able to decline some tests?

I've personally never had Medicaid for a pregnancy, though if my homebirth hadn't worked out with my second, I would've gone to the hospital and applied for Medicaid after the fact.

I'd heard (from at least 2 people) that applying for Medicaid in the third trimester of my pregnancy would set some really unwelcome processes in motion. Since I didn't apply, I never found out firsthand. My friends just advised me that it'd be less complicated to stay out of the system at that point, and apply after the fact if I needed to.

Don't want to turn this into a Medicaid thread.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

theatremom, you are right on with your post.

This thread has really helped clarify things for me. Thanks everyone for your input. I think we are probably done having babies. I am just having a hard time shutting the door on that part of my life.


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

I'm 45, ds was born when I was almost 39. Much is easier now than it would have been younger (financially, emotionally, mentally), except physically keeping up with all of his energy!!

MY sleep need was the critical concern about adding another. We are happily done birthing. But, I'm certainly open to having babies in our lives and there are many ways to invite them without birthing.

Pat


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## theatermom (Jun 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *famousmockngbrd* 
theatremom, you are right on with your post.

This thread has really helped clarify things for me. Thanks everyone for your input. I think we are probably done having babies. I am just having a hard time shutting the door on that part of my life.









GL with your decision -- it's very, very difficult to close the door on such a wonderful, limited time in our lives. I think that it's especially difficult for women, as we experience so many of the physical aspects of the process (even with adoption). For whatever reason, the vast majority of men I know are able to easily say "That's it!", and not look back. Very, very few of the women I know are able to do it in such a matter-of-fact manner.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I had my first at 24, my second at 34 (although I'd been trying for a long time by then), my third at 37, my fourth (stillborn) at 39 - six weeks ago.

DH and I will try for one more - my history has cured me of saying "have" instead of "try", as I know all too well that plans don't always work out - and I'll be 40 or very close to it when we start ttc (need some more months to recover from the last section).

I think I'm getting too old for the medical model of care, because I just don't have the energy to deal with it. I'm definitely starting to feel too old for another c-section...but not too old to have a baby.

I'll be honest. I way preferred having a baby at 24. My life was a disaster compared to now (my ex was not a good choice of co-parent), but I bounced back better than I do now, and sleep deprivation didn't hit me as hard. If I could re-do my life, I'd want my kids younger than I actually had them, and would probably start at 20, not 24...but that doesn't make me too old for more. (Mind you, I have a wonderful life partner in dh, and I doubt he'd have wanted to take on four kids when I met him, so...)


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## athansor (Feb 9, 2005)

I'm 40 right now and expecting again. I have a 3 year old ds and used to worry about energy, but thinking about being there for him and the new one has been motivational for me, and I've made some lifestyle changes that have really paid off. In any way they can measure, I'm much healthier than when I was younger, and actually recovered from ds's birth much faster than from the birth of dd back when I was 19.
I imagine that if all goes well with this pregnancy, it will probably be the last one, but who knows?


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

Storm Bride,







I am sorry about your baby. That must be devastating coming into the holidays. What a shock.









Pat


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Thank you, Pat...

It's been rough, but fortunately, I do have the other kids to help keep me on track. Without them, I'd have probably spent the last six weeks curled up in a ball crying. (Actually, it physically hurt too much to cry for the first week or so, but since I passed that point, the tears come really easily.) They keep me going. I'm also sort of glad that it's Christmas time, as the holidays have given me some other focal points, as well. Things have been pretty subdued around here, but we're hanging in there as well as we can. I miss him.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I'm sorry, too, Lisa!


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
Do you think maybe your younger age might've helped you with being able to decline some tests?

I'd heard (from at least 2 people) that applying for Medicaid in the third trimester of my pregnancy would set some really unwelcome processes in motion. Since I didn't apply, I never found out firsthand. My friends just advised me that it'd be less complicated to stay out of the system at that point, and apply after the fact if I needed to.

Don't want to turn this into a Medicaid thread.

I don't think my age had anything to do with it. Doctors do not have the right to force any unwanted tests on a person, no matter what insurance they have. Medicaid is state funded insurance, but it is still insurance and that's all it is. There no extra rules that have to followed with Medicaid than there are with any other insurance. All laws applying to patient's rights, including the right to refuse any tests or procedures due to personal or religious reasons, are still intact, no matter what insurance you have.

I applied for Medicaid in my 3rd trimester w/ my 2nd son. I was working as a temp and they didn't hire me, so I lost insurance when I took off for maternity leave at around 8 mos. Nothing "bad" happened to me. I kept my OB and they didn't treat me any differently. I refused all tests, and they didn't give me any harder of a time after I switched to Medicaid.

I had a homebirth with my 3rd. Medicaid doesn't cover homebirths in my state, but I did go to the chiropractor often and it did cover his services. Nothing was ever said to me about having a homebirth. I did get a call asking why I hadn't picked a healthcare provider for my pregnancy, and did I need help finding one, but I said I was seeing a homebirth midwife and they said oh, well call us if you need help in the future finding a covered provider. That was it.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wendy1221* 
I don't think my age had anything to do with it. Doctors do not have the right to force any unwanted tests on a person, no matter what insurance they have. Medicaid is state funded insurance, but it is still insurance and that's all it is. There no extra rules that have to followed with Medicaid than there are with any other insurance. All laws applying to patient's rights, including the right to refuse any tests or procedures due to personal or religious reasons, are still intact, no matter what insurance you have.

Maybe it varies from state to state? My friend (the one who said she had to take all the tests to keep the Medicaid), also had a bad experience a few years back when she was denied Medicaid for her 7th pregnancy, because for her previous couple of pregnancies she'd had homebirths, after using Medicaid for her prenatal care.

The doctor she'd used for those pregnancies was willing to treat her for free that pregnancy, then she ended up needing to go to hospital for the birth, which I guess "cleared" her record with Medicaid, so that she was able to get Medicaid for the following 3 pregnancies, all of which culminated in hospital births.

Quote:

I applied for Medicaid in my 3rd trimester w/ my 2nd son. I was working as a temp and they didn't hire me, so I lost insurance when I took off for maternity leave at around 8 mos. Nothing "bad" happened to me. I kept my OB and they didn't treat me any differently. I refused all tests, and they didn't give me any harder of a time after I switched to Medicaid.
I wonder, though, if it might have been different had you had *no prenatal care* prior to that point? In your case, you were just switching insurance, not seeing a doctor for the first time at 8 months.

Quote:

I had a homebirth with my 3rd. Medicaid doesn't cover homebirths in my state, but I did go to the chiropractor often and it did cover his services. Nothing was ever said to me about having a homebirth. I did get a call asking why I hadn't picked a healthcare provider for my pregnancy, and did I need help finding one, but I said I was seeing a homebirth midwife and they said oh, well call us if you need help in the future finding a covered provider. That was it.
I'm glad you had such a good experience! As I said before, I don't want to take this thread off-course. It might be interesting to start a thread in the pregnancy forum about Medicaid-related issues, from state to state. Maybe I'll do that sometime, if there's not already one there. I was excited to learn, recently, that they do cover homebirths in any state where homebirth is legal.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

My oldest was born in PA, and I have never heard of people having problems there with Medicaid. In fact, people have many many more problems with Medicaid here in IN. Believe me, if they were lawfully able to get away with forcing us to do what they wanted, they would here in IN, but they aren't. I think something else must have been going on with your friend. Perhaps they were saying she didn't need Medicaid b/c she wasn't using a covered provider and wasn't going to the hospital. If her doc didn't accept Medicaid usually, I could see that happening. What state are you in? If she had some sort of income temporarily when she first applied that put her over the income limit, but lost that income before going to the hospital, I could see this happening, but I have never heard of Medicaid being refused b/c of refusal of medical services. That is unlawful, and I'm sure if your friend decided to write a letter to someone, she would find this is true, and she could win a lawsuit if she wanted to go that far.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

I am not feeling well, but I did find this list of Medicaid patient's rights

Enrollee Rights
! States must ensure that MCO enrollees are guaranteed specific rights. These include an enrollee's
right:
1. To be treated with respect and shown consideration for one's dignity and privacy;
2. To receive information on available treatment options and alternatives;
3. To participate in decisions regarding one's own health care, including the right to refuse
treatment;
4. To be free from restraints and seclusion as a means of coercion, discipline, convenience,
or retaliation; and
5. To obtain a second opinion from an appropriate, qualified health care professional.

http://www.familiesusa.org/assets/pdfs/MMCregs_.pdf


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

I _*personally*_ would not have another child at 37. I am 37 and *I* think *I* am way too old to get pregnant.

But that's just me! My youngest is 10 and my oldest is 13. No way am I going to do that again!

But if _*you*_ want a baby. And _*you*_ have that desire..... then the only way to get rid of that desire is to have a baby.

GO FOR IT!


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## Leatherette (Mar 4, 2003)

Most people I know were your age when they had their first!

I was 29 when I had my son, 32 when I adopted my daughter, and I am done.

But I will be 37 on my next birthday, and I don't feel TOO OLD to have a baby, I just don't want anymore. Usually.......









L.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

I didn't read all the answers, just the op, but just wanted to say that I was 38 when I had my youngest. And my grandmother was 42 when she had my mom. So, I guess too old is when you feel too old.....or, you know, after menopause I guess!


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

I'm 37 and haven't closed the door on a third, maybe, one day, maybe not. many of my friends have had kids in their late thirties and early to mid 40's.


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## MamaMonica (Sep 22, 2002)

I had my youngest at 38, too. My great-aunt had her first at 42. I don't have the energy for any more kids but that's just me.


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## Shahbazin (Aug 3, 2006)

I had my oldest at 38, & my youngest at 39 (almost 40)







I don't feel I was ready for children earlier, but certainly haven't bounced back as fast from #2 - don't know whether to blame my age or the spacing on that, though! FWIW, I'm now 40, DH is 52, & we feel real done now.


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## JayGee (Oct 5, 2002)

I had my first at 33, second at 35 and third at 38. I'd like a 4th and if I got pregnant now, I'd be 40 when he or she was born. DH is 44. We don't feel "done" quite yet







.


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## PattyCakes_726 (Dec 5, 2003)

I had my first (and only) at 40 and I never felt like I was too old. I'm 47 now and would have another if my finances allowed.


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## trini (Sep 20, 2005)

I certainly hope 38 isn't too old! I'm 36 right now and we just have one living child. I want more!!! DH is 8 years older than me, so I do always think about how old he'll be when our child(ren) are in high school.

I always planned to have 3 children and have them by the time I was 30. Here I am at 36 with one child and a history of IF. Life just doesn't always work out the way you plan!

I hope you and your dh can get on the same page about this!


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## imatulip (Nov 18, 2007)

I don't think you're too old, but I think it's up to each family what is best for them.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I think it varies by person. If you feel healthy and think you have the energy to handle another pregnancy and newborn, then go for it. (Your DH does have some say in the matter though, so you guys do need to talk!)

I'm 37 and am ready to stop. We have not finalized that choice yet but we're thinking we're done. I am tired and feel pretty worn out. I know I could have another and I wouldn't worry about health issues that much. I'd start to feel tentative around 40 but many women have BTDT too.


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## ginadc (Jun 13, 2006)

We adopted our DD (domestic infant open adoption) 2 years ago, when I was 38--can't believe she turns 2 in February! Then, as we were contemplating starting adoption #2, we decided to give pregnancy another try first, since we were just "pretty sure," not positive that I couldn't get pregnant. (I had breast cancer at 36; my cycles did return post-chemo, but docs didn't even want me to think about trying to get pregnant until at least 2 and preferably 3 years after treatment.)

Voila--here I am, almost 7 months pregnant at 40. I'll turn 41 about a month after this baby is born. I don't feel too old at all! I've been really lucky and this has so far been an extremely easy pregnancy. Now, ask me again when I'm chasing a toddler and toting a newborn if I feel old...









(And we haven't entirely ruled out a third. It's a wait and see kind of thing.)


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trini* 
I certainly hope 38 isn't too old! I'm 36 right now and we just have one living child.

I just noticed your son's birthdate - it's the same as ds2's.








I'm sorry for the loss of your ds1.









Quote:

I want more!!!
I know that feeling all too well.

Quote:

I always planned to have 3 children and have them by the time I was 30. Here I am at 36 with one child and a history of IF. Life just doesn't always work out the way you plan!
I know that feeling, too. I'd planned to have 4 children by somewhere in my very early 30s (31 or 32). I'm 40 in June, and have 3 living children...and it took a lot of years, and four lost ones (three m/c and a stillbirth) to get here.


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## trini (Sep 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I just noticed your son's birthdate - it's the same as ds2's.








I'm sorry for the loss of your ds1.









I know that feeling all too well.

I know that feeling, too. I'd planned to have 4 children by somewhere in my very early 30s (31 or 32). I'm 40 in June, and have 3 living children...and it took a lot of years, and four lost ones (three m/c and a stillbirth) to get here.


Ah, yes, that date in July was a VERY good one!

And hugs to you. The losses are so hard, but it makes the sweetness that much sweeter.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

My ds1 is July 26, and that's my edd this time as well.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

Our ds is 26 July 2005 too, how wonderful!!!!!


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## Jug (Jan 3, 2008)

My mum was 40 when my little sister was born, shes now 7 years old and doing great. I dont thinl you're too old.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ewe+lamb* 
Our ds is 26 July 2005 too, how wonderful!!!!!

Three of us in this one thread..that's kind of funny.


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## PattyCakes_726 (Dec 5, 2003)

Make that four! 7/26 is my DS's birthday too.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PattyCakes_726* 
Make that four! 7/26 is my DS's birthday too.









I think there are five of us altogether...but three of us have sons born on July 26, 2005.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

OP, you're a spring chicken. Honestly!

I hadn't even started my family at your age. Now I have three, bouncing, lively, healthy little kids. I may have a fourth, I am not sure yet. But I'm a far, far better mother than I'd have been at 25 or 35.

It always shocks me to hear people's attitudes to motherhood and age. I often hear it to my face, too, because I look a lot younger than I am. It makes me smile when people talk of 40 as 'old' for having children, or about how you don't have the energy or patience in your 40s. I have as much energy and a darned lot more patience now than I had at 20!! And I'm not unusual. Half the parents I know are in my age range. Times are changing, and 40 is no longer 'old' to have babies. My midwife tells me that she sees women my age with pregnancies almost as often as the young set these days.









So much of your age is to do with attitude. My parents are 70 and travel the world having adventures. India, Australia, Greenland, Cuba, Europe, Japan...........they've done it all. If someone told them they were 'too old' they'd laugh aloud. Life is what you make of it, and I"m not going to sit around getting old. That includes having children. If your life works out so that you want to make your family in your 30s, 40s or 50s, I say, go for it.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

any time after menopause is too old







unless you're talking adoption or suregacy.


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## BAU3 (Dec 10, 2001)

..yeah, i would have to agree that after menopause would probably be too old... anytime before then your body is saying yes!

Had my 4th at 43 and wouldn't mind another....


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## gwerydd (Jun 7, 2007)

a friend of mine had her first and only at 45. the pregnancy was hard on her but that was because she had a number of other medical issues to deal with as well. i think if you are healthy and feel up to it. why not?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I had my first in my 20s, and my second in my 30s. I have to ask those who waited until their 30s or 40s for their first...how hard is it for you to cope with the sleep deprivation stage? In most areas, I didn't find the decade between my first and second made much difference - but it was _so_ much harder to deal with the lack of sleep in my 30s than in my 20s.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I had my first in my 20s, and my second in my 30s. I have to ask those who waited until their 30s or 40s for their first...how hard is it for you to cope with the sleep deprivation stage? In most areas, I didn't find the decade between my first and second made much difference - but it was _so_ much harder to deal with the lack of sleep in my 30s than in my 20s.

I had my first when I was almost 36, and I didn't find the sleep-changes that hard. Especially once I got the hang of nursing while lying down, and no longer had to sit up for the night nursings. Of course, I'm sure it makes it easier that I'm a SAHM, and can rest with my babies if we've had a restless night.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
I had my first when I was almost 36, and I didn't find the sleep-changes that hard. Especially once I got the hang of nursing while lying down, and no longer had to sit up for the night nursings. Of course, I'm sure it makes it easier that I'm a SAHM, and can rest with my babies if we've had a restless night.

I'm a SAHM, too. I was a WOHM in my 20s, and I still coped better with the sleep deprivation then than I did after dd. I always assumed it was an age thing, but it could have been something else.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I actually cope better with night-wakings now, than I did as a younger woman. Maybe there's something about becoming a mom, that frees us from the feeling that we're "entitled" to so many hours of uninterrupted sleep each night.

As a young, single woman, I used to shut off the ringer on my phone when I went to bed, because it was so annoying when people tried to call late at night. Now it's not such a big deal if that happens. Of course, it doesn't happen as much now.


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