# Lost twins at 10-12 wks..still waiting..



## momto4boys2girls (Apr 27, 2007)

First and foremost, I want to let you all know that my heart goes out to all of you on this board. I've been reading posts here since yesterday, and you all have given me much comfort during this awful time.

I found out at 5wks 6 days that I was expecting twins (in the same sac) after an ER visit due to some cramping and spotting. Initially, the ER doctor said I had a tubal pregnancy, and was preparing me for surgery. The on-call OB came in and found the sac and babies right away....everything looked fine at that point and went home. I've had a follow-up appt. & U/S weekly ever since. There has been some confusion with my dates from the start (at the initial ER visit, I had calculated according to LMP to be closer to 7 wks 4 days). This past Monday (the 23rd) I was told that we lost them both, and was scheduled for a D&E this coming Tuesday (May 1st).

I've had an awful time ever since...mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm scared to death of the D&E, but at the same time...I'm scared of going through this at home. My husband is working today, and I'm home alone with our 6 kids...that scares me too. I had horrible, awful pains in my stomach last night(still not sure what it was as it didn't feel like contractions or cramps...but a pain high up, under my ribcage and in the middle), and couldn't even stand up. I started to spot a little then, but after going straight to bed, the pain and the spotting stopped. Could this be the start of something? I'm tempted to have my husband come home so I can go to the ER and get this over with...the waiting is the worst.

We were so excited about these babies...and had already told the kids, etc. I'm not getting any younger, and although we already have a "house full", we still do not feel "done". I just don't know if I could handle going through something like this again, so the thought of trying again is scary too.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this...just needed to let it all out, I suppose. Since we have had a relatively easy time conceiving and carrying our previous children, this is very difficult for both my husband and myself to understand. However, to hear from other people, "just be thankful you have 6 healthy children already", and "I don't know why you are upset, you have more kids than most people already!"...just doesn't make me/us feel any better about losing 2 children that already had a place in our hearts and home.

One question I do have....at this point in the pregnancy (once again, I would be 11-12 wks. or more along right now....but it looks as if the babies passed between 8 wks 4 days and 9 wks 5 days along), can they still do any type of testing to determine the cause? Is it possible with that testing to determine the sexes of the babies? Since they were in the same sac, they would be be identical and the same sex...but I really want to be able to give them names and honor them like any other child.

(graphic questions below....)

Also, if something were to happen at home, should I try to save anything that I pass? The doctor didn't tell me any of this...and I want to do whatever I can to find out "why". If I do pass something at home, how to I collect and store it in the meantime?

Thanks in advance if you got this far in my "rambling mess" of a post. I'm just so devastated and need someone to talk to about what's going on.

All my best to everyone on this board....you all are so brave and strong!

Love,
Christi

P.S.~ you can visit my family at www.theeidfamily.com I would like to do a memorial page for these babies on our website....is that in poor taste? If anyone has done something similar, would you mind responding and let me know how you went about it (especially with an early loss where the sex of the babies might not be determined)? Thanks!


----------



## gal_sunshine_383 (Nov 10, 2005)

I am so sorry for the loss of your babies!

Graphic advice bellow!

I had a miscarraige at 10 weeks about 4.5 years ago! I was sitting alone in the ER waiting room with horrible stomach pains - and ended up passing our baby into the toilet in the washroom! It couldn't tell exactly what it was - but it just felt larger and different than the other blood clots that I had passed!

I insisted that a nurse come and take it out of the toilet! One week later - our doctor informed us that tests had been done - and it was determined to be "Fetal matter!" In other words a nice way of saying that it was our baby.

If you are passing large clots at home -- you could save them in a clean, washed container.

I don't think it's in poor taste at all -- to memoralize your babies on your website! You could include poetry, music, ultrasound pics, letters to your babies ect.

Whether or not you lost your babies at 6 weeks or 39 weeks -- you are still a mother grieving the loss of your children.

We have had 2 children: Rachel & Alyssa, 3 miscarriages (5 weeks, 6 weeks and 10 weeks - Gabrielle,) and we recently lost our Angel Hannah at 39 weeks!

You can have a look at Hannah's page -- in my sig.


----------



## momto4boys2girls (Apr 27, 2007)

Kristy,

First I have to tell you how beautiful your baby girl, Hannah was. I'm so very sorry for your devastating loss. Your tribute/website for her is amazing...thank you for sharing it. I hope & pray that you & your family are finding some peace & comfort......although I know all to well that it is something you never completely get over.

Thank you for sharing your 10.5 wk. loss with me as well (and once again, my heart goes out to you & your family for ALL of your losses)...it does help me to prepare better to hear these stories, although i hate to know so many families have to endure such devastation. As bad as this might sound...I almost wish I COULD see my babies one time before saying goodbye forever. I know with the surgery that I will not see them or know anything that Dr. decides she doesn't want me to know. As scared as I am of experiencing this loss in either manner, I just feel I could find more resolution to see them myself (is that awful?). I had a miscarriage once at 5 wks. along, and although I was in the ER, I witnessed them pulling my baby out of me (the ER doctor was doing a pelvic exam and it was just right there). Even at only 5 wks along, I was surprised at how big it was.

Thanks again for all of your kind, heartfelt words...you are an amazing woman to be able to offer comfort to others during such a difficult time for yourself. My thoughts & prayers are with you!

Many hugs,
Christi


----------



## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

You may be told something else but I was told that testing could only be done if the babies passed very soon after death. I carried mine for 6 wks after death so we were told it was too late.

It doesn't matter how many children you have at home it still hurts! You were looking forward to these two babies and were already in love.

I would always choose to see my babies. It's sad yes but I think it helps in the long run.


----------



## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)




----------



## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

So sorry to hear of your loss. Take care of yourself.


----------



## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

I know it sounds macabre, but I had a very quick miscarriage of one twin (other survived), and when I called the doc, I was told to try to save any "remains" in a clean container, like a tupperware container....


----------



## mamatowill (Aug 23, 2004)

I am sorry for your loss. I was surprised at the insensitive things that were said to me during my 2 miscarriages. I had my first miscarriage at 9 weeks but the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks.


----------



## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

I'm so sorry you have lost your twins.

I only had testing done after my last m/c, and they only confirmed it was 'products of conception'. I wish I had arranged to have the tiny remains transported to a local funeral home instead. Or had my m/c at home, but I'm not sure I was strong enough to wait it out.

But if your twins pass at home, you could certainly take the remains to the doctor for testing. Or you could bury them at home. You have choices, you can do what feels right. And it is NOT awful to want to see them.

A memorial page for them on your website would be perfectly appropriate, and a good way to acknowledge their brief time here. Even if you don't find out their gender, you can still name them something neutral.

And people will always say dumb things. You have lost 2 babies, the loss is real and your feelings are valid.

Take care, I'll be thinking of you.


----------



## gal_sunshine_383 (Nov 10, 2005)

Christi!

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you!

Sending you hugs Mama!


----------



## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

My twins were born at home at 11 weeks gestation, the first weekend in February. I laboured with the first, caught her (I felt during the pregnancy that it was a girl), held this tiny perfect being in my hand. Looking at the size of her, she was about 8 weeks gestation. 24 hours later I started labouring again and passed an extremely large clot, like a cast of my uterus. When I plucked up the courage to examine further, I found a second beautiful tiny being, smaller than her sister, floating in an amniotic sac.
I'm extremely grateful that this happened so early, that I hadn't known that my babies were gone for long before their births and that our family had a chance to say goodbye to them. My eldest son chose to see them and knew that I was miscarrying- my second chose to know nothing. Both was OK. For me, I couldn't hand my babies over to the doctors to be dissected. I find it easier to believe that with three beautiful healthy kids already, the odds are that I'm going to have at least one early loss in my family and I'll never know the reason. I'm now on my third early m/c, and I'm considering asking for help if it happens again.


----------



## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momto4boys2girls* 
One question I do have....at this point in the pregnancy (once again, I would be 11-12 wks. or more along right now....but it looks as if the babies passed between 8 wks 4 days and 9 wks 5 days along), can they still do any type of testing to determine the cause? Is it possible with that testing to determine the sexes of the babies?

IME, the longer the baby (or babies in your case) have been deceased the harder it is to get cells to grow when they do the chromosome testing. For example, my 3rd pregnancy ended in a m/c. They estimated baby had been gone somewhere between 11-12 weeks and gestationally, I was 15 weeks. It was a missed m/c and the chromosomal testing failed b/c the baby had been gone for too long. The reason listed was that no cells would grow.

Quote:

Also, if something were to happen at home, should I try to save anything that I pass? The doctor didn't tell me any of this...and I want to do whatever I can to find out "why". If I do pass something at home, how to I collect and store it in the meantime?
That is completely up to you. Everyone handles it differently. Since mine was missed by my body, I didn't have that opportunity.

Quote:

I would like to do a memorial page for these babies on our website....is that in poor taste? If anyone has done something similar, would you mind responding and let me know how you went about it (especially with an early loss where the sex of the babies might not be determined)? Thanks!
Nothing, IMO, is in poor taste that honors a child(ren) lost.







s








babies


----------

