# How long is your bedtime routine?



## jgale (Jan 21, 2003)

I'm just wondering what other people's bedtime routine is with their toddlers. I don't necessariily think we're doing anything wrong, but I'm curious if it takes other people as long to get their 2-year old to bed.

Between bathtime (not every night) stories, nursing and songs, the whole thing usually takes between 1 and 1.5 hours.

Also, at what age can you put a kid in their bed, read some stories and then leave before they're totally asleep?

Thanks

Jessi


----------



## straighthaircurly (Dec 17, 2005)

Our bedtime routine was that long for quite sometime. Not including a bath, it often took 1 hour with my 2 yo son. Read 3 books, talk about his day, a couple trips to the potty, a couple songs, a snuggle, and various misc. other requests...lol. Lately (at 2.5) it has been getting a little shorter, about 30 minutes of in his room time. I think that is mostly due to him being exhausted because he won't take a nap anymore...aargh!

When he was 10 months old, I stopped being able to get him asleep before leaving the room. The best I could do was slightly drowsy. Now I leave the room once he is merely content. He has no trouble getting himself to sleep once we have gone through his routine. He actually goes to sleep faster without my presence.

Kris


----------



## mattjule (Nov 6, 2003)

I posted a thread identical to this last year and was flamed for even suggesting I wanted my 2yo to go to sleep by himself. I am glad you aren't getting such UNHELPFUL and negative responses. Our ds is extremely attached with sleeping. We are in the process of putting him in his own bed and not laying with him to go to sleep. He'll be 4 in March. He was in his own bed (we still layed with him to go to sleep) but family schedule changes brought him back in ours for bedtime and his sleep has really deteriorated since then. He is much more reluctant to go back to his bed this time around but already (day 5) he is sleeping so much better and so are we.

I think your child's ability to put themselves to sleep is partly based on how you have been guiding them since infancy. If, like me, you ALWAYS nurse them to sleep, I think they will have trouble figuring out how to go to sleep on their own or without you in the room or in the bed. If, like an AP friend of mine, you have been reading them stories to sleep since infancy, it is a much easier thing to not lay with them. I will say, however, that our ds would have been able to go to sleep on his own before this if we had been more active in guiding it that way (we tend toward the lazy side, even when it results in more work in the long run







).

I think the other part of putting themselves to sleep is developmental. A couple months after our ds turned 3 it was like a switch was flipped and suddenly what used to take hours took, literally, minutes. He falls asleep within 10 minutes of going to bed now, which makes the process of leaving the room much easier. And the no nap thing helps too (our ds would love a nap, but then he won't go to bed at night and when he finally does, sleeps terribly and is cranky the whole next day). I guess my bottom line is that it isn't unusual for you to be spending the amount of time you are currently and that, like potty training, there will suddenly be a day when everything is different and they are ready. When that happens, you really need to roll with it or trying to do it later could be pretty ugly.


----------



## mackinsiesmom (Apr 3, 2004)

Our bedtime starts after dinner. We go upstairs and dd can play until its time for bed. In between that time we get her jammies on and brush her teeth. Then when its time for bed we read 3-4 books and I normally tell her a story with the lights off. We probably spend anywhere from 30 minutes to a hour in a half.

As far as falling asleep without me it wasn't until a month before she turned 2 1/2 that I could leave the room without her being totally asleep. I also found that dd falls asleep faster if we aren't in the room.

Katie


----------



## peilover010202 (Nov 1, 2005)

It generally takes us about 30 minutes (sometimes less.) We don't do bathtime at night anymore because our work schedules allow for an am bath. So, that really cut down on the time it takes. Our "routine" varies a bit in that sometimes ds wants us to read books, sometimes he wants us to sing to him, etc. But, we always rock him to sleep.

DS has also varied on what he wants from us too. Sometimes, he wants us to rock him to sleep and sometimes he wants us to rock him until he's settled down a bit, then put him in bed while he still awake. We've always just followed his lead.

Personally, I don't think 2 is too young to start preparing your dc to start going to bed on his own - but I do think it takes work.


----------



## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

We are down to 30 minutes. Ds is now 3.5 and often doesn't nap in the afternoon. So by 7:30 or so, he is completely "done" and ready for bed.
He can play for a bit after supper, then it's jammies (bath 1 or 2x a week), story (he only gets one story at bedtime when he's supertired or it's late, I read him several stories in the afternoon each day), brush teeth, and into bed. I lay with him until he's sleepy and then I go out of the room. He falls asleep almost instantly because he's exhausted. I have been doing NCSS with him since he was almost a year old, so he accepts me leaving once he's reached a comfortable drowsy state.
When he naps in the afternoon, different story. I let him play longer after supper, sometimes a bath to help him wind down. I put him to bed later becasue he has trouble falling asleep too early. And we tend to read more stories.


----------



## CrazyCatLady (Aug 17, 2004)

Man, we don't have one at all. She runs wild all day and takes a nap whenever she's tired and I'm tired of her being cranky (I nurse her to sleep, takes two minutes tops). Then she runs wild all evening and when she starts to get tiredish (this will depend on when and how long she napped for), we offer a snack, give her a drink, put on her nightime diaper, and daddy puts her in her car seat and takes her for a "drive" (thing is they don't even make it to the car before she is asleep). He takes her out of seat and puts her in bed. Because of terrible morning sickness with me during the nightime, she's been sleeping alone with daddy and I sleep in the living room. They've been doing great together and getting lots of sleep. So I'd say the whole "routine" maybe takes 25 minutes.


----------



## lisalou (May 20, 2005)

We start about 7:30 we do bath, brushing (hair and teeth), booby and books.

It can take anywhere from 30 min to 1 hr. We did notice a couple of months ago that she was really dragging out the reading time. So we set a timer for 10 min, finish the book we're on and then Daddy gets to read to her for 10 min. then bed. She never protested about the timer or at least hasn't so far.


----------



## tuffykenwell (Oct 23, 2002)

Ours is one hour but I planned it that way purposely. If we add a bath to that it would be 1.5 hours.

For 1/2 an hour we play quiet games, have snack, do puzzles etc. and then we have story time for the other 1/2 hour. I find that allowing the lead up time really makes the transition to sleep a positive one for both kids and I like that. Its been smoother ever since I decided that 7pm would start bedtime routine so we are done and Rhys is in bed and Niamh is nursing on my lap in the living room by 8







Then I watch some TV and relax while she nurses LOL!

Steph


----------



## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Oh, maybe 40 minutes or so. We sit down to dinner at 6:00, and DD goes right from the table to her bath and then milk and a story and bed. She's usually asleep by 7:30.

I leave her before she's fully asleep, and she goes to sleep on her own. She's 16 momths. She's always been very unusual in her sleeping habits, though; she was a naturally sound sleeper from birth.


----------



## spirit4ever (Nov 4, 2004)

I've just started a 'routine' sorta w/ my 12 month old, supper (which he never eats!) nursing/distracting (so he doesn't fall asleep) then playing, a snack and diaper, jammies and anywhere between 7:30-8 we go to bed and he nurses to sleep in 5 min!! (up 5-6x's before i get to bed







) although I've just been doing this the last 3-4 nights!!!

My 3.5 yr old still naps from 2-3 (run a home daycare, so we're on a pretty tight schedule







) then at 8 we start the snack, p.j's, jammies then around 9ish he goes to bed, usually w/ dh (I would







to lie w/ him but ds2 never really gives me the chance!), they watch the weather channel until ds1 falls asleep..


----------



## Mere (Oct 1, 2002)

Our 'routine' if you could call it that, is about 5-10 minutes long. It basically consists of me giving ds (20 mths) and dd (4) some forewarning that bedtime is rapidly approaching. If they haven't already had a snack, they both have snacks. Ds gets changed, put in pjs, teeth brushes, and read a few books. Then he goes into his crib and he falls asleep on his own. As long as he's tired (and he always is by that time) it's not a problem. Him going to sleep on his own was pretty much an eventual goal of mine from day 1 though (but it didn't actually start to happen until he was about 1).

As for dd, we read three books with her, lay down with her for 5 minutes, and then she falls asleep on her own in our bed.


----------



## Mpenny1001 (May 21, 2005)

It's about an hour. DD is 17 months and, since early infancy, has preferred to be alone when she falls alseep. I don't understand this, but I won't argue with it. 5:30 we climb up on our bed and read books, play puzzles, etc. 6:10 we get on jammies, nurse, sing lullaby and put her down. If it's bathnight we start that shortly before 6:00. I think the really important part for us is the wind-down time between 5:30 and 6:00. It really helps her transition and she eagerly climbs up on the bed for our quiet time.


----------



## ~Nikki~ (Aug 4, 2004)

Hmm, it depends on when you count the bedtime routine as starting, I guess.







After dinner, 2.5 year old DD has her bath (not every night, just as needed, or if she really wants one). Then she gets 10 minutes or so of playtime, and a bedtime snack if she needs it.

Our bedtime routine starts with brushing the teeth (about 2-3 minutes), then climbing into bed, getting one story, and then 5 minutes of snuggles, 3 kisses, plus one "last kiss and hug", 3 kisses blown from the door, and an exchange of "I love you" and "Goodnight." The whole routine definitely takes less than 20 minutes. About 99.9% of the time, this works perfectly. Sometimes she'll have a night where she calls me back up for an extra kiss, or an extra minute of snuggles. But most of the time, she'll "read" to herself in bed for a few minutes, and then fall asleep.

We use the methods from The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers, and it's worked fantastically for DD. We used to have major problems getting her to go to sleep at night (either in our bed, or our own, it made no difference.) She wouldn't fall asleep until after midnight most nights, and would be totally grumpy the next day because of it. So this book really was a life-saver for us.


----------



## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

Honestly, about 2 hours! But it's not necessary for it to take that long, it just does. We go upstairs to play at 6pm, and play until almost 7pm, so really I guess I don't need to count that part, but since we always do that...the second hour is bathtime (20 minutes), then pjs, stories, and nursing 2 year old. 2 year old is in bed around 7:30pm, 3 year old around 7:45, but I can hear them talking until 8pm or so. So I guess the actually 'getting bathed and ready for bed' part is only 45 minutes.
As far as putting themselves to sleep, that evolves over time, but usually happens for us some time between 6-12 months old. Once they can do that, and once they're sleeping through the night, then they can move to their own room. I don't allowed CIO, but a little fussing or wimpering is fine for a few minutes. I use a combo of the No Cry Sleep Method and my own ideas (I used to teach preschool and I was a nanny for almost 5 years), but it's always a gradual process as part of a set routine.

- Krista
mother to Ryan (3, self-weaned in Nov.), A.J. (2, still nursing), and babe #3 (due Aug. '06)!


----------



## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

Not including bath, maybe 20 minutes or so. She sleeps in her own bed, and has been able to fall asleep on her own happily since she was a few months old. We would NEVER let her CIO, but we never really needed to. As long as she was sleepy, warm, and fed, she could drift off to sleep on her own.

Now she's 31 months and bed time is still very easy. She puts on pajamas (with our help), daddy gives her a "Huckleberry Ride" (long story) all around the house while I get her a sippy cup of water, turn out the lights, turn on the nightlight, etc.

We read books, sing a couple songs, make up stories, or just be silly for about 10 or 15 minutes, then I tuck her in and she's all set. She talks to herself or sings until she falls asleep; usually within 15 minutes. And sleeps through the night for about 10.5 hours.


----------



## orangebird (Jun 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jgale*
I'm just wondering what other people's bedtime routine is with their toddlers. I don't necessariily think we're doing anything wrong, but I'm curious if it takes other people as long to get their 2-year old to bed.

Between bathtime (not every night) stories, nursing and songs, the whole thing usually takes between 1 and 1.5 hours.

Also, at what age can you put a kid in their bed, read some stories and then leave before they're totally asleep?

Thanks

Jessi

It takes us about half an hour now for the 3 year old if we are sticking to the routine. When he was one and two it took a little longer. We never read to him until he fell asleep, we always just read a book or two and then said goodnight, turned out the light, closed the door.

But that was just what worked. He would go to sleep himself.

We, 1st put night time diaper on, then brush teeth, then maybe jammies on, then read a book or two, then david runs through the house and says goodnight to everyone, I "fix" his blankets, then he closes his door and turns out his light and jumps into bed. Now he is sometimes letting DH or me close the door and turn out the lights, but he often still likes to do it himself. He has always been the "let me do it" kid.


----------



## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

Do you mean our "calf-roping" routine?







That's what it often feels like; at least while trying to get them both into their pajamas. We start the rodeo at about 8:00 and both are in bed, awake and content, at around 8:50-9:00. We do pjs, brush teeth, and then storytime (1-3 books, depending on how long it took to do the first two steps.) I nurse 14 month old dd while my dh reads a book to all of us. We always leave them in their room awake (my 1 year old and 3 year old share a room) and they drift off to sleep without needing anything from us after the first time we blow kisses and gently close the door.


----------



## wurzelkind (Oct 8, 2005)

Not that long - I would say 30 minutes max.

From three months too 18 months dd was really easy and always fell asleep on her own, in her own room and crib (and sleeping 12hrs a night!) after having her bottle of warm milk on mama's lap and a short story that always ended w/the children going to bed in the end (that was really important, otherwise she said 'more, more!'
The last three and a half months had been really rough since she only went to sleep w/me lying next to her, awaking went I tried to get up, only sleeping in one bed w/me and dh. Us parents really slept bad during that time so I decided some weeks before x-mas to transition her back to her crib. It took some time, the first to knights she sat in her bad until she dropped over after having fallen asleep and for something like two weeks she proceeded to awake around 10/11 p.m. and transitioned back into her parents bed. Now, for something like the seventh night in row she has been soundly sleeping in her bed for 12hrs night and w/o awaking w/a whiny voice in the morning.







With her afternoon naps she transitioned far easier back to her crib. I still have to sit by her bed until she falls asleep, on noon as well as in the evening which I am fine with.

BUT - back to the op's question. Shortly after dinner dh takes her to the bathroom to wash her hands and face and brush her teeth. Meanwhile I have already been in her room, arrange her stuffed animals in her crib, put out a pj and diaper and having looked surfed bit on MDC







. DH diapers her and puts her in her pjs and sleeping bag. He then leaves, she sits on my lap and drinks her warm milk bottle and I read a short book to her. After having finished I put her in her crib, tun out the light and sing her a lullaby, followed by saying each other 'god night&sleep well'. I then wait unitl I hear that she has fallen asleep, leave the room and go on w/my own things.
That's it


----------



## CrazyCatLady (Aug 17, 2004)

So I'm the only one with no routine what so ever?







:


----------



## mamasaurus (Jun 20, 2004)

We have a DD, 3 years, 3 months old. When she was 2, we didn't have much of a routine, and her bedtime was a nightmare. I never knew how long it would take to get her to sleep, or if she would stay asleep once she fell asleep!

A few months ago I started an evening routine with her and our 11 month old, and I have to say - it's GREAT! They are both so happy and content - they know the routine, they go to sleep so easily, they sleep all night. Anyway, here it is:

5pm - supper

5:30pm - bath. I do the baths while DH cleans up the kitchen.

5:50pm - get the baby out of the bath, toddler plays some more in the tub. Get baby dried off, jammies on.

6pm or so - toddler gets out of bath when she is ready. Daddy takes over getting her jammies on, while Mommy gets ready to nurse baby to sleep. Have baby say "good night" to sister and Daddy - this is hugs and kisses from them, and then she waves at them - soooo cute!









6:10pm - nurse baby to sleep with soft music playing, although that is changing some right now - she will sometimes nurse and then want to be held/swayed to the music, and then laid down in her crib and have her back rubbed for a bit. Then she dozes off. She is usually asleep by 6:20pm. Toddler goes with Daddy for nighttime tea and stories on the couch until Mommy is done with baby.

6:25pm - Mommy joins toddler and Daddy on the couch. Daddy reads one more book, and then Mommy takes over. Toddler gives hugs and kisses good night to Daddy, and Mommy and toddler go to her room.

6:35pm - in toddler's room. Ask if she needs a potty break, get one book to read, snuggle up in her bed and Mommy reads one last book for the day. Then we turn on a music CD - right now it's "Guess How Much I Love You" with the book read by the author and songs. We listen to the author read the book, and one song (Mommy sings along), then hugs and kisses good night, and I leave her room at 7pm. She is usually awake, but ready to doze off.

This has just been a life-saver. Our toddler stopped taking naps at the age of 2, and she has had such a hard time during the late afternoon for the past year! We used to eat at 6pm and have her in bed by 8pm, but we decided to move the whole thing back an hour, and her disposition has improved immensely!!









I guess the "bedtime" portion of the routine is from after bath until 7pm. So that would be about 45 minutes to an hour. But I really feel that our whole routine, starting from 4pm on is so important to getting her to bed at a decent hour and without a lot of fussing. I think I'm getting off-topic, but I'm just so happy with our new bedtime routine that I kind of go on and on about it!


----------



## abandbunk (Jan 7, 2006)

Our routine is a little over an hour not including bath, so at least an extra 30-45 min. on bathnights (3 X's a week). First we get snacks and go into the bedroom, and they snack while we start reading, then dd (19 months) gets multivitamin drops, then we brush teeth, then diapers (even for the 3 yr old hmph, he's not so into using the potty yet







: ) and jammies, then we read quite a few books, then ds goes to his bed (they share a room) and I nurse dd on the floor usually while reading one last book or singing to them (they love the singing, lol, only they could, I sound horrible). Then dd goes into her crib and I leave. Lately we've been having some sleep issues w/ds that have been making bedtime last a little longer than usual but generally when things are going well it's an hour. easily. lol, it's like an event.


----------



## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

we don't follow a routine other than brushing teeth & getting pajamas on. we used to though and DS would go to bed like clockwork. that's all changed though since some major changes. one which is he's started sleeping in his own room. he just goes in there and goes to bed when he's ready. it's the only way he will sleep by himself and not be up all night. though he does come crawl in bed with me at times


----------



## jgale (Jan 21, 2003)

I am so IMPRESSED at how many people can tuck their kids in awake and leave! Especially people with 2 kids in the same room. I'm in total awe!

How did you start that process? Anyone come to it kind of late in toddlerhood? My ds has to be totally asleep or else he cries and clings to me. Plus, we've only just given up nursing to sleep in the last few weeks.

I would love to hear the specifics of how people got to their satisfactory routines.

Thanks for all the replies...

Jessi


----------



## mamasaurus (Jun 20, 2004)

Jessi - I could write a novel on this! Oh, the mistakes we made with DD#1 regarding sleeping and bedtime!







I would love to write about it - I'll try to get to it later this week. I'm serious - I have a lot to say, and I would like to say it in the most concise way possible, so let me think on it!

Jenny


----------



## jgale (Jan 21, 2003)

bump. I really want to hear about this...


----------



## kater07 (Jan 6, 2002)

Our bedtime routine ranges from 15-30 mintues starting around 7pm. It starts with DS using the bathroom, washing hands and face, brushing teeth. Then we kiss daddy night night, get in bed, put on night pants, read a story from one of the many collections of stories we have. After reading, I turn off his light, push the button on his plane that makes take off and landing noises, and lay down with him. I tell him a short "Zachary Story" about him and we snuggle for about 2 minutes. I kiss him, tell him I'll see him when the sun comes up, holler I LOVE YOU! as I leave b/c he yells it back. I leave his room at 730. He's asleep by 8pm.

I didn't implement a strict bedtime/routine until DS was 2.5yrs old. We started it right before his sister was born. He'd moved into his own room right arould his 2nd birthday, but we still let him stay up until he crashed. In January, right before his sister was born, we started with an 8pm bedtime, but we moved it back to 730 b/c he was getting wound up by 8pm and unable to fall asleep.

Oh yeah, and DS (3.5) cannot fall asleep with anyone in his room. It makes him super wound up and he talks and talks and bounces around. He has to be alone.

I am reading and answering as I read, so...

As for how I implemented this routine. I decided one night that I needed some ME time at night. I was having a horrible time getting to sleep before 1am and I'd toss and think and just be miserable. I sat down, wrote out how I wanted the routine to go, and simply stated to DH that THIS IS how it was going to be from now on.

When DS was angry about his new bedtime, I read him a few extra stories. He was asleep at 830. The next night, we were in his room doing bedtime stories at 745 and I was out at 8. He called us in 2 or 3 times for extra kisses and hugs. On the 3rd night, he didn't say a peep b/c he was sooo tired. I realized about 2 months into the process that he was starting to have a hard time winding down, so I moved bedtime back to 730 and things got a lot easier. He's not often asleep at 730 or even 745, but he's tucked in, quiet and resting by then and alseep most nights by 8pm.

I just put my foot down about it. This was how it was going to be. I was strong and set when I said stuff. I didn't make requests, I said "it's time for bed, go pee and brush teeth". I never asked DS if he'd like to get ready for bed now, I told him what time it was.

I ALWAYS say thank you once he's in bed. I tell him how nice it was for him to do as mommy said and for being so quick about it. I make sure he knows how much our time together means to me and how awesome it is that we get that time.

Now and then, he's allowed to stay up late. It's a privilege.


----------



## Slabobbin (Jan 29, 2004)

We have an almost eleven month old so I can't really tell you what we will be doing when she is a toddler (hopefully it will remain this easy).

Right now we put her PJ's on, nurse her, she flops over, I leave the room and she goes to sleep (if I remain she will stay awake crawling over me, lol).

Bath isn't a part of our routine...they get those when needed and they are in the mornings. I don't see the point in washing before bed and then the baby sitting in a pee diaper all night. I would rather wash all of that pee off in the morning.


----------



## tahini17 (Jan 13, 2006)

With our 2.5 year old we put the pjs on, read 3 or 4 books, always ending with good night moon, then we kiss him, tell him that we love him, sometimes I throw in a story about how peaceful night time is and how the whole world goes to sleep when the sun goes down, and the whole world gets up when the sun comes up and that now it's time to close his eyes, he closes his eyes, we shut the door and that's that. That's the way it's been since he was 8 months old. Once in a great while he'll call my name, so I'll wait a minute or two and if he still wants me I go in and tell him that I love him and that I'll always be there for him, but that he's a big boy and he needs his rest and that he should just close his eyes and dream about his toys. Then usually after his eyes are closed I tell him a cute story about his stuffed animals doing silly things, trying to get his dream started. Then I leave and he falls asleep. And that's about it.


----------



## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

About 20 min. if he's not having a bath--just wash up, brush teeth, read a story and lights out.

Probably more like 45 if it's bath night. DS is an excellent sleeper and always has been. Around age 1 I began to notice that he would not fall asleep rocking in my arms after his story. So I put him down, and lo and behold, he fell asleep on his own almost immediately. He has been doing that ever since. Now that he is in a twin bed, I sit on the bed and read stories instead of the rocker (he weighs 38 lbs.!) We have a routine, and we stick to it, and that is comforting for him. I always say the same thing every night when I turn out his light. "I love you, have nice dreams, see you in the morning".

DD is even easier. She crashes fast, and at 9 mos. of age I've gotta be sure she's well and ready for bed, in her pjs, etc. early, so that we can put her down when she is ready. She's out as soon as her head hits the pillow, so to speak!


----------



## mamasaurus (Jun 20, 2004)

Hi Jessi,

Here's our story. Our first daughter was born 3 years, 3 months ago. I was committed to having her sleep with me as long as SHE wanted. I didn't think about how long I wanted her to sleep with ME!







That was the beginning of understanding that co-sleeping is a two-way street - it's got to work for everyone. My Mistake #1 in not understanding that. Also, DH and I were very centered on our daughter, and kind of forgot about ourselves as a couple. Mistake #2.

So, she started sleeping with me, and I didn't even set up her room. It remained empty and pretty sad looking for a long time.







One year later, we were still doing this, and on top of it, she was nursing all night long - waking up every 1.5 hours to nurse. Needless to say, I was pretty wiped out, just cranky all the time, and really ready to lose it.









So, I decided to night-wean her. But I didn't do it very well. She still did not have her own room. You think by this time I would have at least done SOMETHING in there - wallpaper, paint, anything. But no. Mistake #3, in my opinion. She should have had a sweet, soft, cozy room to transition to. But what did we do? We took her crib and put in down in my DH's art studio because he works at night and we thought that he could keep an eye on her at night and be there to comfort her through the nightweaning.









Well, that went over like a lead balloon. Lots of screaming and crying from her. Lots of vicious complaining on her part. She was like, "Hey, up until now, I was sleeping with Mom and nursing all night and now I have to sleep in Dad's art studio while he works? What the h**l is this about? Auuuuuuugggghhhhhh!!!!!!"







You get the picture...

So, we FINALLY got her room together - moved the crib in there, set up a chair for snuggling at night, got a CD player for some soft music - we were starting to get the idea that a nice space for her would be a good idea! How dumb were we? Of course, she needed a nice space to be in!

We continued trying to get her to sleep at night, to sleep in her crib, but it was one painful night after another. She would ONLY nurse to sleep and she had to be completely out before I could lay her in her bed. If she woke up, I was in for another 30 minutes of nursing, rocking, etc. She woke up many times all night long. DH went in to try to help her back to sleep, but he had to wear earplugs from all the screaming going on from her. She wanted Mommy and that was it! Well, what could we expect? She had Mommy every night for the first year of her life, nursed on demand, had it all. Daddy was a useless substitute.









This went on for a long time. We had soooo much trouble getting her to sleep at night. I couldn't just turn on music or something and leave the room. She needed me to completely "hold her hand", so to speak, until she was sound asleep. It was anywhere from 8-9pm, sometimes later, before she would be asleep. At the age of 2, we started keeping her awake during the day and not letting her nap - then we were pretty sure she would be asleep by 8pm. Otherwise, it was getting later and later - 10-11pm before she would be asleep.

When she was just past 2 years, we transitioned her to a toddler bed, which made things a little bit easier, in addition to stopping her daytime nap. Then at about 2.7 years we moved her to a twin bed with a rail on the side. Things started to get a little bit easier, but still she wouldn't fall asleep on her own. I had to lay with her until she was asleep.

By this time, I started reading more about children's sleeping, routines, rhythms of the day, etc. I really wanted her to be able to fall asleep on her own. I learned so much about routines - how children need them and how they need to sleep to be happy and healthy. It seems obvious, doesn't it? But there were some particular things I read that finally made some sense to me. One book I liked was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". This book helped a lot. I also read a lot of the Waldorf ideas of rhythms and routines. How children can't tell time, and how that makes daily routines so important to them to see the time passing. That was helpful.

I also saw a quote - and you might laugh at this - but here it goes - I read a quote in a fashion magazine from a famous actress talking about her children.







: She said her children are in bed at 7pm and awake at 7am - she said it was something like an old-fashioned way to do things, that children should be children - something like that - I can't remember the exact quote. Anyway - it made me start thinking more about the whole bedtime thing. I felt that since our DD#1 was born, we had been treating her more as a little adult, rather than the baby she was and the toddler she grew into. We were not acknowledging her sleep needs as a child. Why? I think because we were new parents, very inexperienced with children, and just didn't know any better.

So, things started to change in our house when DD#2 was born. She slept with me, but only for the first 3 months or so. Then I went into her room, decorated it with all the love I had in my heart







and made a cozy, special place for her to transition to. I made her crib very soft, very warm and cozy. She transitioned to it well. I kept a twin bed in her room while she was 4-5 months old, so I could sleep in there with her during the transition. She slept in her crib, but I was right there in case she needed me. However, I did not jump up to get her every time she made a noise, like I did with DD#1. I let DD#2 fuss just a little bit and she usually was able to soothe herself back to sleep. I still nursed her at night, but not ALL night long! By 4.5 months, she was sleeping 8-9 hours a night, at least 4-5 nights a week. She has continued to do very well sleeping on her own. She loves her crib, wiggles all over it, pats the mattress, and squirms very happily when she is in it. She has little soft toys in there to play with if she wakes up at night, or very early in the morning. She coos and plays for a bit until I go in to get her up for the day. She's just a happy little baby!









We also started a new routine for DD#1 - I figured it was not too late to start! I just decided this was the way it was going to be - everything I had read and studied indicated that children need a good bedtime routine - they need an early bedtime, and so that was what we were going to do!

By this time, her bedroom was all set up, lavender and pale yellow paint, wallpaper, a Flower Fairies theme - I had made a special place for her to be - a fun bed with a mosquito netting hanging over it from the ceiling - her "fairy tent". The mosquito netting had been white, but I dyed it lavender to match her room. I hung 6 soft fabric fairies to "fly" above her bed, and we called them the "Dreamtime Fairies".







I just wanted her to have a beautiful space to fall asleep in.

We started the routine - it used to be I had to read TONS of books and sing TONS of songs to get her to sleep. But this time I told her we would read 3 books because she was 3 years old, and sing 1 song and then Mommy would leave the room. We did that, the song was done, I got out of the bed, NOT RESPONDING when she said, "Mommy, I want another song!" But just quietly kissing her, and saying, "I love you. Good night," and leaving the room. It worked. Amazing.









Gradually, we have cut down the books to just one book and one song. She knows that Mommy will leave the room after the song, because I always do, I am so consistent I could be a drill sergeant!







But she does know the drill, so to speak.

She is even staying in her room until 7am, if you can believe that! I taught her what 7am looks like on the clock. I told her that in the early morning, Mommy has HER "Quiet Time", just like she does after lunch every day! (I thought that was pretty brilliant of me, coming up with Mommy's Quiet Time! Ha!) But she understands that - so she knows that if she wakes up before 7am, she can turn on her lights and play, because Mommy is having Quiet Time. It's just amazing how well she understands that! And I DO have my "quiet time" - I get up early, make a cup of tea, a bowl of cereal, read the news, visit Mothering, etc. Just start my day in a pleasant way.









So, that's my story. I guess what I learned is this:

My girls need their Mommy,







: they need co-sleeping,







they need nursing&#8230;







:

BUT they also need a cozy, beautiful space to transition to at night when co-sleeping is done, a routine to help the transition, and the assurance that Mommy is just on the other side of the door if they need me at night.

Whew! That was a lot to say. Jessi - I hope that was a little bit interesting for you to read, and helpful in some small way.

And I really hope I don't get flamed by anyone else for anything in my post - this is just one Mother's story - I'm not saying it's the right way for everyone! Hope everyone else understands!


----------



## jgale (Jan 21, 2003)

Jenny--thanks for the long response. I'm off to bed (after two hours of bed time shenanigans!) but I will write more in a bit. Thanks again. J


----------

