# Blessing Way Ceremony AFTER my baby died



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

My daughter died March 26, 2004. She lived for 6 hours after she was born.
My Blessing Way Ceremony was to be March 28th, 2004. We never had it.
Now almost 4 months to the day (July 25, 2004), my closest friends, midwives, and family will be having a Blessing Way ceremony for Gracie and I.

I really don't know how I am feeling about it. I really tried to tap into some feelings today and nothing is really coming. What my heart says it that I simply need to show up...that's all. And that is what I plan to do.
I have no idea how the ceremony will play out, what the plan is, nothing...and that is OK too.

All I can say is that I have a group of women that really love me a whole lot. The midwives I work with, whom also were the midwives I chose to use for my prenatal care and birth, have been wonderful. One of our doulas is having it at her home. I am sure that it will be lovely.

I fully intend to cry most of the day Sunday, July 25th. I think as I am typing this I am feeling some anxiety.

I so wish that my sweet baby Gracie would be attending with me. I miss her today. Still....my heart broken.

I am asking for some comforting words while I prepare my soul for this special day.

Today I picked up some film I had developed. In the roll were some pictures of me 3 days before Gracie was born, my belly so round and ready to birth the sweet baby I carried in my womb. I am sad that I didn't get to have a belly cast done with her.

Thank you in advance for all your support...I will need it.


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## behr (Dec 10, 2001)

Dear Jackie,
I don't know what a Blessing Way Ceremony is, but I'm guessing from the name. You are so fortunate to have friends that will organize a special ceremony for you and Grace. It sounds like it will be very hard for you and everyone else involved, but also another step on the journey.
As you said, all you have to do is show up and see what happens in and around you. Grace will be right there with you.

I wish you the best, and i'm so incredibly sad for your loss.
Beate


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I have only been to one blessing way but it was beautiful. I'm sure that your's will be too. I hope that it brings you some healing and peace. How wonderful that you have such amazing friends around you.







s


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

I love that they thought to do this for you and Gracie. What a beautiful sentiment!


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## julielp (Jul 16, 2004)

I'm also not sure what a blessing way ceremony is but I'm sure as well that it will be beautiful. You are really lucky to have such friends. i'm sure the day will go better than expected. good luck


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I sometimes have to go back and read what I have previously typed...today I did that...I suppose I am sadder than I let on in real life.

thank you ladies for the kind, compassionate words. They are really heartfelt.

I am doing a lot of breathing exercises and yoga the past few days. It seems be the only thing that is comforting right now. My dh took me to one of my favorite places to eat today for lunch. If felt good to put fresh, clean food into my body. He said to me that I was glowing as I walked in to meet him for lunch. I don't feel it. He said that my beauty and smile are contagious to those around me. He sure has a good way with words...I smiled at him and said Thank you...couldn't think of anything else to say.

I am sorry if I sound like I am on a pity pot...I really am trying not to be. But I do have to remember that it is OK for me to be sad. I don't have to have a reason today.


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Jackie I can imagine that the ceremony will be hard and sad and probably very touching and healing at the same time. It's wonderful that you will have Gracie recognized in that way.
Your dh is being so sweet to you right now- it's exactly what you need!

On Sat when I was at my cousin's wedding, another cousin told me that when her son gets married in Sept, they will be honoring some of the deceased members of our family and they will be saying Nazir's name. That made me feel so good to have him acknowledged in that way in such a public way.

Let us know how the ceremony goes. We will all be thinking of you and Gracie especially on that day.


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## ckc (Jul 2, 2004)

i send a long hug full of inhales and exhales your way. it comforts me to know you have such a gracious community around you, i hope that love can carry you through the ceremony. the yoga sounds just right, keep the breath moving and your heart will follow. best wishes to you, carrie


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

Thinking of you today during your ceremony. Please be sure to tell us how today went.


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I, too, am thinking of you today. I hope that you end the day with a little bit of comfort and healing.







s


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

All my love today mama


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Well...today was beautiful.
I am very tired emotionally. I cried lots today...yet laughed and smiled too.
The Blessing Way Ceremony included 10 women whom I love dearly. Every lady brought something healthy and yummy to eat.
We ate, chatted and then began the ceremony.
We started by holding hands in a circle and asking for wisdom, peace and love to enter here...it was lovely.
Each lady went around the room stating how they knew me and what brought them to this special ceremony.
We then each lit one candle that we brought to represent the mother (me) and the baby (Gracie). Before we went any further, one of my best girlfriends, Shannon, ask that I open a gift she had brought for me.
I opened the gift to find the same dress and bonnet that Gracie was wearing when I saw her for the last time. Not sure if I share this with you, but I had forgotten to ask for the dress, bonnet and hospital ID bracelet before she was cremated. I have had some real sorrow because of this. My friend took it upon herself to contact the NICU where Gracie was and tell them the story and was able to get a dress that is a duplicate of hers...and a bonnet as well.
When I saw what it was, I instantly broke into tears. I cried and cried for what seemed to be a good 5 minutes. I am so glad she had me open the gift of the dress and bonnet before we went any further. It allowed me to really feel Gracie's presence.
I then was treated to a foot bath and foot massage as the women began to read their blessings to Gracie and I. They also gave beads for a necklace for myself and a bracelet for Gracie. They are so beautiful. The necklace and bracelet were stung my one of the midwives.
I struggled to find the strength to read my letter I wrote for Gracie. My Dearest Sweet Gracie letter that I haven't shared with anyone, not even Kevin. I read it through tears, snot and trembling...but I did it.
We then each wrapped our left wrists with silk red cord and once we all were interwoven together, we cut the cord. Each of us with a beautiful silk red cord to wear on our left wrists. Some of us committed to wearing our cords until I birth my next baby, some talked about cutting the cord when they feel the need to send special love or a message to Gracie. Whatever compels them is fine with me.
We concluded the ceremony with another circle of hands...sending our love and best wishes to Gracie and myself.
It was a truly glorious...bittersweet day. The entire ceremony last for 3 hours...
No wonder I am so tired.
I received beautiful gifts, words, letters, cards, candles, essential oils, all kinds of good stuff...
To top the whole day off, we were called to a birth. The other midwives asked if I wanted to attend...for the first time I said no. It felt very good to say no and to take care of myself in that moment. I am very proud of myself.

Wanted to share the day with each of you also...so wishing that you could of been there...you definitely were in spirit. I shared about each of you in the circle...feeling that each of you were with me, sharing this special day.
All the women there couldn't believe the relationship that we have here...they were amazed at how strong the bonds are for us. Not me...I am not amazed...because we are wonderful, truly beautiful women...who NEED each other.

*Thank you for all your support, love and prayers...*


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Jackie,
That sounds absolutely wonderful, cleansing and loving. What an awesome community of friends you have. I am so glad. We love you lots and celebrate with you.
Gossamer


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## wilkers8 (Mar 22, 2004)

How wonderful! What amazing women you have in your life to do this!!!!


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I am so happy that you had such a beautiful blessing way. I am moved to tears by the generosity and caring of your friends. How wonderful that your friend called the NICU and got that dress, I'm sure that you will treasure it for always.







s


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## julielp (Jul 16, 2004)

I'm so glad that it turned out to be a good experience for you. I'm sure your little angel enjoyed it too.


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## painted horse (Jul 18, 2003)

Jackie -

Just wanted to add my support and my happiness that you had such a wonderful ceremony for you and Gracie. What a heart-felt experience for everyone there. And how wonderful that your friend gifted you with the duplicate of Gracie's dress and bonnet. My thoughts are with you, and with Gracie.

Peace,

Jen


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Thank you all for you support, responses, feedback, etc...
Feeling very drained today.








Am planning on sleeping today...A LOT!!!

Bessings mamas


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

How truly beautiful and touching! Thank you for telling us about your ceremony.


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## babycarrier (Apr 2, 2004)

Thanks for sharing the ceremony with us. Tears are welling up in my eyes. So happy to hear that you have the loving support of friendship and community. You and your daughter are very special.


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