# I had my homebirth last night



## rayray22 (Jun 30, 2010)

It was just devastating. It was like labor. I was in the bathtub/shower from 5:30 until around 8:30. All of my babies are born around the same time of night. Isn't that awful. I found out friday from an US that the baby was dead, and I just couldn't go to the hospital after making the homebirth decision for this baby. I had to see it through. My husband watched the kids and fed them dinner, but that was it. He watched TV. He's an amazing guy, and he has never experienced this either. I can't be mad at him for not knowing what I need/needed. Just as I myself wasn't/aren't sure what I need/needed.
After going through that, I don't know if I ever want to be pregnant again. I still want my third kid, but that was just such a terrible time. Yet at the same time, I am so grateful to have done it this way, vs. the D and C. I just feel so empty. There is a tupperware in my fridge, and that's it. Really? That's it?
It was very obvious how different the "baby" was from the clots. I was worried I wouldn't be able to tell my baby from the "stuff."
Today will be a regular day, regardless of my feelings. Husband will go to work and I will be home with the kids. Really?
I labored and delivered last night and have nothing. I am thankful that I never stopped nursing my 16 month old. I think it's helping to get through this.

You really can't know how terrible it is to lose a baby until you lose one. I wish I had been more sympathetic to my friends that have had them in the past.
Thank you for all of your stories. They were immensely helpful yesterday. I wish I had come on here sooner


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## kalamos23 (Apr 11, 2008)

Oh honey. I am so sorry - my experience was similar even down to the DH. I wouldn't even think about trying to get pregnant right now - it took me a little while after our last loss to even think about it.

I am so so so sorry.


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## Mother Cake (Jan 2, 2010)

So sorry you are having to go through this.


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## Rach (Nov 11, 2003)




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## cparkly (Jul 21, 2009)

I am so sorry, mama.


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## Ackray (Feb 11, 2004)




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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

I am very sorry for your loss.


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## sunfish21 (Jun 4, 2009)

I am so sorry. What a terrible experience for you and your family. Kudos for sticking to your plan and having your baby in the peace of your home...


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## Nicole730 (Feb 27, 2009)




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## FarmerCathy (Jun 28, 2005)

s mama. I had a similar experience last Saturday night, early Sunday am. I am so sorry. I am also glad to have been able to birth my baby at home.


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