# child nudity at home



## [email protected] (Jan 5, 2002)

another mom said something to me in conversation the other week about how an 8 yr old boy shouldnt see his 3 yr old sister running around half naked.

i remember my dd loving being anywhere from half to completely naked at age three and to me, i didnt think it was anythign heinous.

then again, she and i are completely different parents. we arent even mars & venus because we're from completely different solar systems!

while kids do need to learn about clothing, does it really seem so offensive? is there something magical about the age of eight that makes it detrimental? could you wait to see if the eight yr old is bothered by it and then address the situation?


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

If it bothered the older brother, I'd urge the younger child to put some clothes on.

In our house the now 4 year old tends to still drop the clothes after a few hours, but not as constantly as before. It only bothers the now 13 year old if they're playing in close proximity or she's being obnoxious about it. When we're cold it bothers DH and me, as in how can she be warm enough?


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

I'm with Meiri.

Actually, when it is really hot in the apartment (like now when it is really cold outside, our landlords turn up the heat until it's a sweat bath), we're all pretty much in our skivvies...or less if going to bed.

I've gotten the feeling that there are a lot of people out there who have the ideas of modesty and shame confused.







I always thought they were pretty different.


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## tnrsmom (Apr 8, 2002)

My ds just turned 9 and my dd 4. She hardly ever has clothes on when we are at home. Our rule is that if we are having company or going out, you have to be dressed. ther than that, it is up to you. She does wear undies now, that was another rule. You need to at least wear undies! My 9yo doesn't care at all. We are a very open, non-modest family.









Moving this to Parenting Issues.


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## [email protected] (Jan 5, 2002)

this mom made it sound like such a crime

her voice was as contemptuous as if someone suggested having the eight year old rob a bank

i didnt think nudity was such a horrible thing - presuming of course its just a kid running around and not being show-off about it


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

I don't think its a big deal at all. Some people have great hang ups about nudity.

My old neighbor had a ds the same age as my dd (2 at the time). She said she could never take a shower until her dad got home (they all lived together, she was a single mom). I told her I just put ds down for a nap, put a video on for dd, and left the bathroom door open so dd could come get me or I could hear if anything major happened. (We've got a 1 story, not too big home.) She replied that it was ok for me to do that, but she couldn't b/c she and her ds don't have the same 'parts'. That her ds had occassionally seen her dad in the shower, but never her!! I was floored. He was 2 at the time, just a baby. I didn't see the big deal, but it was a big deal to her.

Very strange to me, but everyone has their own level of comfort when it comes to nudity.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Not two seconds before I saw this thread my 3 yo came up to me and said "Why do I have a dress on?" and insisted I take it off!! She is nude 99% of the time she is home, unless we have company. She has carpet burns on her butt from playing in the family room (they don't bother her, I do put cream on them).

It's no big deal around here, though the other three stay dressed.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I've only got one son, and he's 14 months old but being naked is one of his favorite pastimes, regardless of time or place. At his last WCC, I got him undressed for the scale and as soon as his feet were back on the floor, he ran out the door and down the hall, laughing his naked little head off. :LOL The receptionist got a real kick out of him. He runs around naked in front of my nieces (6 and 3) all the time, and they just laugh. He's just having harmless baby fun







. I also take him in the shower with me; the alternative is to let him play in the toilet, so why wouldn't I?

Yeah, we've "got different parts" but we're still people, right? I mean, he and his father have, technically, the same parts but they don't look exactly alike in many ways. Mike's been through puberty, and things look different afterwards, for one thing. I just don't understand the logic. As long as the children are all comfortable, the adults should probably relax, IMO.


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

I am 10 years older than my youngest brother, who LOVED to be naked all the time. I don't recall ever being bothered by it. I do recall dressing him every now and then when I had a friend coming over 

Anyway, I don't think it is any big deal. My kids see DH and I naked all the time, too. Even my parents/siblings are pretty darned open, and I mean to the extent where walking in on someone in the shower is no biggie, and if my dad has something he needs to tell me while I'm over and about to leave, he'll walk right out of his room in his underwear to catch me. Nobody has any qualms about running down to the laundry room in their underwear, looking for the pants that fell out of the basket. I've never thought of this as damaging in any way, since it doesn't extend into exhibitionism or anything. Perhaps it would be different if any of us minded.

I'll definately be watching my kids to make sure that they are comfortable, because that is what mostly determines what level of casual nudity is appropriate within a family. I CAN say that the nudity of my 2yo DS and 4yo DD doesn't bother my 14yo brother while we're visiting (I have my sewing workshop there and we spend about 4hrs/day there), but I suspect my family is a little atypical.


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

My oldest ds use to be naked all the time. Not a big deal at our house. Then when he turned six he changed. now he wants everyone to be dressed. He does not have a problem with exposed breasts for breast feeding







He sees it as perfectly natural and normal to breast feed anywhere anytime. Other than that he now wants privacy and veiws nudity as private.

Around age 5-7 children start to figure out that our society is a private one. Americans love privacy and the body is something that is kept private. We are not modest at my home, but he has learned this from living in such a private-loving culture. rambling, sorry.









Anyway, if ds 8 is upset with the nudity then dress the little one. Otherwise don't even worry. The most important thing is to go with it and not make a big deal out of it.

I can remember my boy cousin showed me his underware. We are the same age and we were 3. He had just potty trained. My mother FREAKED! I still remember it. She said it was "dirty for little boys and girls to be naked in front of each other." Sounds like this other lady might have a similar veiw.


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## Justice2 (Mar 18, 2003)

Kaeleb has learned how to take off his clothes at ....... 11 months. I can't keep anything but his diaper (thank you snappi makers!) on him! And, I don't even try...heck, I run around our house au natual as well, drives hubby crazy (I don't check to make sure that the blinds are closed first







)


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

If it bothered the older brother, I'd urge the younger child to put some clothes on.
If it were my children and the older one were bothered, I'd urge the older child to get over it. Women and children are often told the sight of their bare flesh is "doing things" to others, when it's just not true.

If someone has a problem with me bfing in public indiscreetly, or with some of the things I wear, it's their issue and not mine. I don't need to change what I am doing.

We are a very immodest household and I wouldn't bother with clothes for dd at all if we had wood floors instead of carpets. One reason I want to move is so we can have wood floors - I want to encourage frequent nudity. I think it's just meant to be. Clothes should be for warmth, fun and decoration - nothing more.

When I was 9 I was still bathing with my 7-year-old brother. We shared a room until I was 12, and didn't bother with modesty. What would be the point?


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

well, this probably deserves it's own thread, but what do you do with your naked three year old when she won't get dressed to go out of the house?! i mean in the summer, i might let her play in the back yard nakey (well, probably only the deck, our yard is so wooded). some days i just can't get clothes on her, so we just stay home. i totally would not be worried about my 8 yr old son if i had one seeing her. presumably he's been seeing her nakey since she's been born. no big deal here..


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## Sustainer (Sep 26, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Greaseball_
*If it were my children and the older one were bothered, I'd urge the older child to get over it.*
As usual, I'm with Greaseball!

Anyone of any age is free to be naked in my house, and anyone of any age who has a problem with it needs to get over it. The best way to get over it is to have MORE exposure to it, not less. I will not risk instilling my children with a sense of shame of their bodies.


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

I have 2 sons (ages 5 and 7) and they have been used to being naked around the house since birth. To this day they hate clothes and in periods of warm weather wear as little as possible. We have a big pool out back of our house and in the summer they go out in the yard naked (we live in a rather isolated and wooded area) and play and also go swimming naked in our pool. My sister often brings both her dd's over to our house in the summer (dds aged 6 and 8) and they often also strip down and go swimming naked with their cousins (my boys) in the pool. No one has ever had a problem with nudity in my household and in fact, my boys would probably laugh at the idea that some people are worried about it. They often even see my bf and I naked around the house. People need to get over the idea that "naked equals sexual activity, " which I think many have in the back of their mind. Naked instead means being open and not being ashamed of our bodies ! And there's nothing wrong with that !!


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## lorijds (Jun 6, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Greaseball_
*If it were my children and the older one were bothered, I'd urge the older child to get over it.*
But this is not a random person, this is your child. If your child is uncomfortable with the actions of a sibling, better in my point of view to validate his feelings, talk about why, and then, if it still bothers him, to reach some compromise. For example, it bothers dh that the girls are naked at the table. So, we have a rule that you have to wear underwear at the table. Our kids aren't exactly modest, even at the ages of 5 and 8, and have no problem stripping down when ever the idea hits them. We decided we needed some decorum at the table, and frankly, since they sometimes have a hard time keeping hteir hands off their vulvas when naked, I think panties at the table are a good idea. Nice compromise, the kids dont' mind, they don't have to get completely dressed, and my dh is okay with almost-naked kids at the table, apparently!

I don't think telling your ds something like "Sorry, the human body is beautiful, if you don't like it you can look away or go out of the room." is very nice or respectful of him. What are you telling him about his feelings? Maybe he is only embarrassed when his friends come over, and dd is playing with her clitoris in front of them, and it makes them all uncomfortable, or they tease him about it, or whatever. (BTW, I know this is a hypothetical boy).

While I think we need to teach our children that the human body *is* beautiful, I think we also need to teach respect for their feelings. If you say "Get over it" to your son, what is he going to think? Not "Oh, wait, I was wrong, women have been oppressed about their looks for so long, this nakedness will build my sister's self confidence. Oh, wait, it's a good thing, yeah." No, he's going to think "They always take her side. They never care how *I* feel, only the stupid little baby. ". And while you are concerned with your dd being ashamed of her body, what are you telling older ds? He *is* uncomfortable, and without addressing it with him, you are telling him that there is something wrong with *him*; he should love the human body. Why wouldn't he? There must be something wrong with him, to think that his little sister should get some clothes on. Why is he ashamed of her? Is he ashamed of himself, too? What is wrong with him? I can imagine that these thoughts could definately go through the mind of a preteen boy. I dont' think they would be helpful. I think that validating feelings and at least acknowledging them is better for the older sibling, and will perhaps help him also have a better opinion of himself and his body.

To the OP, I have a brother 9 years younger than me. No problem with him being naked. Though my parents weren't as free about it as I am as a parent. I remember taking this really awesome picture of him playing hte piano buck naked, when he was probably 14 months old. He was so cute! I am not scarred for life, in therapy because of some lustful incestuous feelings for my brother or father or anything!

You do what works for your family. Maybe if you say, "Well, in our family, we really value the beauty of the human form. I want my children to be cofortable with their bodies, and therefore we are more open at home. My son has no problem with his daughter being naked, and indeed I am not aware of any studies that would show that this could lead to negative issues later on." Maybe you will make her think differently about how she views her body. Or maybe you will make her think "URGH, these people are complete freaks!" In that case, well, her loss, not yours!

Lori

urg, edited for clarity....


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## magnoliablue (Dec 29, 2002)

We are a nakey family. My oldest is going to be 12, and I can see he is more discreet..and I am as well... I do not walk around naked in front of him anymore because I sense he gets embarassed.....now his sis and bro are nature children...they hop, skip and dance around naked..and so far he does not seem bothered by that..maybe once his sis starts developing she will naturally become more discreet as well, I think it is just something that happens, you know? I want them all to feel comfortable in their bodies, so I have never encouraged them to cover up their nakedness, unless it was around someone other than a family member. So I feel that my younger two should have the ability to express and enjoy their nakedness, and my older son can choose to avoid looking at them if it makes him uncomfortable..he got to express himself, it is only right that they get to do it as well. It is funny the difference culture to culture regarding this.... I lived in Italy for a time, and I recall being at a vacation spot. We were around the pool, which also had a cafe surrounding it. I had on a bikini....but almost every other woman,old and young, were topless, as well as the children..very laid back, noone seemed uptight about it.. and this was not a nudist spot, it was a regular place....I could not get over the relaxed attitude the people had with their bodies...I could not imagine seeing that here.


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## Sustainer (Sep 26, 2002)

When it's your own child and not some random person, it's even more important not to reinforce unhealthy attitudes. You don't have to literally say "Get over it" and nothing more. You can ask why it is bothersome and help the child work through his/her feelings. But I don't think making the naked child "compromise" by wearing certain clothing in certain situations is the healthiest solution.


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## mirlee (Jul 30, 2002)

Ds loves to be nakey. If he spills one drop of water on his shirt, all of his clothes come off. He hates wearing socks and would prefer no clothes most of the time. This past Summer, he took off all his clothes and left them in a pile at the door and went to the tree in the front yard to go pee. He didn't think anything of it. It seems that when he was visiting grandma at the farm the week before, she let him go pee near a tree and he thought it was a good idea to repeat.


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

When Greaseball said that, I got the idea that "get over it" was shorthand for everything lorijds wrote.

In other words, ITA with Greaseball, but I would help my child to "get over it" by taking with them at length about their feelings, validating those feelings, etc.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

So, we have a rule that you have to wear underwear at the table.
That sounds like a good rule, but for us it's about hygiene rather than decorum. I come to the table in a towel, but at least it's something. Contrary to what adult films might teach, I don't think it's good to have food touch your genitals!

Quote:

Maybe he is only embarrassed when his friends come over, and dd is playing with her clitoris in front of them, and it makes them all uncomfortable, or they tease him about it, or whatever.
Anything resembling masurbation, I would ask the child to do it in her/his room. If friends are uncomfortable with nudity, I would look at it as one more way our house would be different from theirs - no video games, no kool aid, etc. Friends are guests, they don't make the rules. If they don't want to come by anymore, the child could go to their houses instead.

I think it's unnatural for a child to be embarrassed by the nudity of another child. I would be concerned about such feelings, and ask why. Most likely, someone else has been teaching shame.

People are entitled to have feelings and express them, but not all feelings of discomfort can be honored. There are people who are "uncomfortable" around those of other races, genders, body types, etc. and they really do just have to get over it. I think the thing to do would be to remind the child that he doesn't have to pay attention to the naked one; let him know that in his room, he makes the rules, and he can decide no nudity is allowed in there. In the rest of the house, I'd suggest he occupy himself with things that take his mind off the other child - even video games!


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

Quote:

Anything resembling masurbation, I would ask the child to do it in her/his room.









My 4 yo. dd loves loves LOVES being naked. A couple of weeks ago, she started actively playing with herself. I told her that it's normal, and that I know it feels good, but if she wants to play with her body, she needs to do it in the privacy of her room.
I don't mind my kids being naked... I do insist on my dd wearing clothes if anyone other than a good friend is over, though. Out of respect for others, ya know?


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## ABailey405 (Dec 3, 2003)

My 8 year old son(actually, my stepson, bbut I never call him that) still sleeps in his boxer-briefs. And if we are not going anywhere, has the habit of taking a shower in the morning, and putting clean ones on and staying in that. He does not like it if I am just walking around in my underware and bra, but if I have shorts on and no top, he doesn't care. He just thinks I am getting ready to nurse Isabelle. Espically at night. I don't sleep with anything on but my bra and p.j. bottoms.

My sister and brother are 12 and 11 years older than I am, and they laugh about how I never wore any clothes EVER!! They are still shocked that I stay dressed all the time. I think that the other mother is making it more sick than what it really is. If the older sibling is bothered by it, then would put some clothes on. Sheesh, I let my best friends 2 and a half year old go swimming at our cabin in the lake naked. That is the joy of being little.

Annie


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

My kids run around in just undies most of the time.

My son is developing a little modesty but we do joke about joining a nudest camp.

Think about this: Look into the history of clothing. How many societies survived with little or no clothing?


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## spatulagirl (Feb 21, 2002)

Hunter runs around naked whenever he wants. Sometimes he wears a diaper, sometimes just a shirt. I don't just because it isn't comfortable to me. I don't even like sleeping naked. DH walks around completely naked or just in boxer shorts.

Ds and I have showers all the time. We have baths together as well. It's fun and when he asks me where my penis is or what my breasts are... well it's too cute, funny and a great way to educate him


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## Dakota's Mom (Apr 8, 2003)

DH and I sleep nude. If DS wakes up in the night I don't make him wait until I put clothes on to go get him. I just go get him. I don't think twice about it. He loves to be naked too. Before his bath at night I let him run around au natural. I do make him wear a diaper most of the time mostly because I don't want any smelly carpets. Unfortuantely he has figured out how to get the diaper off now so he usually has to have a onesie on too. He can't get the diaper off with a onesie on. But for a while every night we let him run around. When he learns what the bathroom is for or when he is outside in warm weather (will it ever get warm again.) he'll probably be nude more often.

I agree with the poster who said that people often get nudity and sexuality confused. They are not the same thing.

Kathi


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## AnnMarie (May 21, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Greaseball_
*If it were my children and the older one were bothered, I'd urge the older child to get over it.*








I'm with you! In fact, I have done that. :LOL


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