# Do you knock?



## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

With DSD (15)...
I always knock on DSD's door before coming in, and open slowly. DP knocks as well. When her bf is over, the room stays wide open, so no knocking required. All of this makes perfect sense to me, and works fine.

Growing up...
My mom never knocked, my dad did though. I didn't have any boyfriends while living with my parents (well.. not at the house, anyway). All of that seemed to have been working fine as well. Never bothered me.

Do you knock?


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

We always knock. Until she gives us reason not to trust her, our dd's room is her room and she diserves her privacy.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Of course I knock before entering a room with a closed door, it's called common courtesy!

I even knock before entering my own bedroom if the door is closed, because I share it with DD2. What if she's in the middle of getting dressed or something?


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## 106657 (Apr 9, 2008)

I always knock!


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## barbara73069 (Apr 21, 2007)

I've always knocked whether my daughter is in her room by herself or with her bf or with other friends. She in turn always knocks when she comes into my room.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Yes if the door is closed we knock.....


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## nd_deadhead (Sep 22, 2005)

I always, always knock, and wait for a "come in" before opening the door.

My sons (twins, almost 14) show us and each other the same courtesy.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

DSD is at the age now that we are knocking if her door is closed whether she is alone or not. Boyfriends are not an issue, yet, but we will not allow them in their bedrooms when that time comes.


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## guest^ (Oct 29, 2002)

Oh yes,we knock. No matter which room. If the door is closed,we are all expected to knock-no exceptions. It's one of our house rules,that is to be respected(followed) by every family member.(I do have to remind DS to always *close* the door when in the bathroom these days,as it really bothers DD if he doesn't.)


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## anitaj71 (Mar 1, 2006)

I grew up in a very tiny house with 3 sisters. We never knocked.

When Dhs' children moved in with us I had to learn the knocking rule and to do it regularly. I did it only every once in a while but not all the time and dhs' 2 kids were starting to get annoyed.

Thanks to them, we had a talk about it with all the kids re. privacy etc. and knocking is "a rule" around here now.


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## mama_ani (Aug 2, 2007)

Everyone here knocks. Well, 2 yo doesn't quite get it yet but he's learning.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

The only time someone closes a door around here is if it is to the outside, or they are having a fit. (I don't have preteens though)

I assume that I'll knock usually as they get older.


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## erinsmom1996 (Apr 9, 2006)

I always knock on my daughter's door and would expect the same for her. When she was younger (she's 11), I didn't think so much about it though


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## ziggy (Feb 8, 2007)

My family didn't knock. But it wouldn't have been possible when I was in high school, anyway. I went through this weird phase in high school were I voluntarily took my door off its hinges and hung a giant poster of Las Meninas. My younger siblings thought that this was the coolest thing. Ever. They wanted poster doors TOO. You try knocking on a giant piece of cloth.


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

We knock. We have since DD was very young. Her room, her door, if it's closed, we knock.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

knock and wait for her to open the door.


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## reece19 (May 21, 2008)

I have always knocked on the door, even when they were pretty small. The only real difference is that when they were little - it was more of a knock, peek my head in, and let them know I was coming in. Now that they are older, I knock and wait for a response.

Occasionally, given their ages







I get a nasty response. At those times, I walk in anyway and we have a chat about it. Usually, times are good, and I wait for a "come in" or "hold on I'm changing" or the like.


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## Pancakes (Jan 22, 2008)

I didn't knock when the kids were little, but I do for DD now. She only keeps her door closed if there is reason, so we knock. DS couldn't close his door if he tried-he's such a slob.

Growing up, my parent's knocked and my sister didn't.


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## doctorjen (May 29, 2003)

We are not big door closers in our family as a whole, except for older dd who absolutely needs her privacy and some significant alone time everyday to feel human. I knock on her door without fail and wait for a response. I will knock for the rest of them if they start closing doors as well! I have an irrational fear about them locking their doors (what if they fainted in there and I couldn't get to them!?!) so we have a deal on no door locking, which doesn't bother dd as long as I treat her closed door with respect.

My smaller kids aren't too big on knocking and it's something I'm working on with ds (11) as he still is in and out my bathroom and bedroom and his younger sister's as well. He has learned to knock for older dd after herover the top response to him coming in a few times!


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## debbieh (Apr 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
Of course I knock before entering a room with a closed door, it's called common courtesy!









:
I always knock on my 17 yo dd's door. She deserves courtesy and respect too.


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## Marcee (Jan 23, 2007)

On the rare times that my 12 year old closes the door I absolutely knock.


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## 2goingon2 (Feb 8, 2007)

Yes, always. I expect them to do the same with me and each other.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

I have to admit, even though we knock in our house, it's a bit of a shock to see so many parents who do it too. I've had to listen to so many adults who think "My house, my room" and don't respect their childs privacy. My mom was like that, annoyed the heck out of me. So much so that I'd on occasion lock myself in the bathroom just so I wouldn't be bothered.

Just want to say I'm glad there are so many parents out there who understand the idea of privacy for their children.


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## lincap (Aug 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
I have to admit, even though we knock in our house, it's a bit of a shock to see so many parents who do it too. I've had to listen to so many adults who think "My house, my room" and don't respect their childs privacy. My mom was like that, annoyed the heck out of me. So much so that I'd on occasion lock myself in the bathroom just so I wouldn't be bothered.

Just want to say I'm glad there are so many parents out there who understand the idea of privacy for their children.

Amen!

My dad was a push the door open without warning guy. And I hated it. I would be 12, 14, 16 getting dressed and BOOOM push the door open.. "blah blah" and then I would yell "GET OUT I AM GETTING DRESSED!" and then he would say "OH,talk to me like that and you aren't going ANYWHERE!"...
It happened over and over and over... He would also say "MY house, MY door" or "I don't care If I see you naked..." Well.. *I*minded!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Thank you all the door knockers! I will be a door knocker when the boys get bigger!


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## jellybellyxoxo (Jul 3, 2008)

okay-
with DD1- I always knock, whether she's alone, with friends, or with her boy friend. She asked me to knock. She's trustworthy, so I respect her asking me to knock.

With 11 year old DD2- she only closes her door when she's changing or something, so I don't really need to worry about knocking - normally. When her friends [she's boyfriend free] are over, she tells me or dh or dd1 [whomever is in charge] and we knock then generally.

DS1- We never knock, as he is a trustworthy 11 year boy- unless his gf is over or his friends.

DS2- He's nine so we knock half the time - though sometimes, we knock more, depending on what we find when we enter..

With DD 3 & 4, they're 3 & 5. we never knock with DD 4, as she's only 3. With DD3, we're giving her a little bit of trust. We knock, but then enter right away.

So it depends on the age. But DH and I generally knock.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

I'm a knocker, here.









Definately for my big kids, and on the rare occasions that my 2 y/o ds2 closes his door, I knock then too.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

I always knock and insist on others doing the same.
DS's are terrible about barging into a room. OP...why no closed doors with a BF? My parents had that rule and it made no sense to me.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lincap* 
Amen!

My dad was a push the door open without warning guy. And I hated it. I would be 12, 14, 16 getting dressed and BOOOM push the door open.. "blah blah" and then I would yell "GET OUT I AM GETTING DRESSED!" and then he would say "OH,talk to me like that and you aren't going ANYWHERE!"...
It happened over and over and over... He would also say "MY house, MY door" or "I don't care If I see you naked..." Well.. *I*minded!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Thank you all the door knockers! I will be a door knocker when the boys get bigger!

OMG, I'm so sorry.







That's was way out of line and completely disrespectful.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 
I always knock and insist on others doing the same.
DS's are terrible about barging into a room. OP...why no closed doors with a BF? My parents had that rule and it made no sense to me.

I understand that some parents don't object to their children getting intimate with boyfriends/girlfriends behind closed bedroom doors. But there are parents who do strenuously object to that. And keeping the bedroom door wide open is a good way to avoid temptation.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *doctorjen* 
We are not big door closers in our family as a whole, except for older dd who absolutely needs her privacy and some significant alone time everyday to feel human. I knock on her door without fail and wait for a response. I will knock for the rest of them if they start closing doors as well! I have an irrational fear about them locking their doors (what if they fainted in there and I couldn't get to them!?!) so we have a deal on no door locking, which doesn't bother dd as long as I treat her closed door with respect.
!

My DS 1 is a door locker. All you have to do is buy some of those really skinny teeny tinny screwdrivers. like for eye glasses and what not, and put that in the hole and pick the lock. Very simple. ( I know this because there was a time when DS 1 was falling asleep with a locked door and I had to get in to get to the computer and didn't want to wake him up so I picked the lock







).. We do have a rule of no locking the inside doors at night. DS 1 is a very heavy sleeper and I am afraid I couldn't get him awake in time to get out of the house in case of a fire. He is finally good about not locking when he goes to sleep.

And to answer the thread, yes I am a knocker. Kids deserve privacy just like the rest of us.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Our kids doors don't have locks. Ours does.


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## doctorjen (May 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
Our kids doors don't have locks. Ours does.

I'd be equally paranoid about locking my own door, thinking what if something happened to me in there and my kids couldn't get in? I realize I might be a bit irrational on this one. Anyway, the no locking thing is not a privacy thing with me as I'm happy to give the kids privacy and never enter my dd's door without her telling me I can, it's a weird irrational fear thing. It doesn't bother her that she can't lock as long as I knock - and I also don't really go in her room when she isn't home, except to put laundry in occasionally. She knows I don't go through her stuff or anything, so she doesn't mind not locking.


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## Emzachsmama (Apr 30, 2004)

I knock on dd(13)'s door if it's closed and I wait for an answer before I come in. If I had just talked to her a min or two before and need to talk to her again I will just knock, wait a second or two and open the door and she is ok with that.

With ds(9), I just knock and open the door...he's younger and isn't as concerned about it as his sister is.









Pretty much the rule around here too is that if the door is closed we knock. There aren't any locks on the kids rooms doors but there is one on ours - for now anyway...we move tomorrow and I'm not sure about the new place.


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## mamato3cherubs (Nov 30, 2004)

yes, knocking is the right thing to do


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

My child isn't even 3 yet and I always knock before entering his room if he shut the door







I agree it's the right thing to do.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

To answer chiromamma's question:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
I understand that some parents don't object to their children getting intimate with boyfriends/girlfriends behind closed bedroom doors. But there are parents who do strenuously object to that. And keeping the bedroom door wide open is a good way to avoid temptation.









As simple as that. I don't believe our 15 y.o. is ready in any other sense than physical to have sex. Just our parenting choice for now. She admitted that she thinks things would progress more quickly if they had more time alone, and never really objected to our request to leave the door open when the bf is here. I think she is more than comfortable with that boundary. Works for us.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oriole* 
To answer chiromamma's question:








As simple as that. I don't believe our 15 y.o. is ready in any other sense than physical to have sex. Just our parenting choice for now. She admitted that she thinks things would progress more quickly if they had more time alone, and never really objected to our request to leave the door open when the bf is here. I think she is more than comfortable with that boundary. Works for us.









It also help deter the boy from trying to push the matter of sex cause the doors open and the adults are in the house.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

We have a "knock before opening" rule in our house. We do, however, require our children to keep the bedroom dors open whenever theire are friends over or whenever there is more than one child in the room.


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## Marilde (Jun 24, 2008)

I do knock my DD's door, she wants privacy, i didnt had any privacy growing up as our house was small and i shared a room with my mom, it was horrible i didnt had any privacy at all and my grandpa never knocked when he wanted to get in and my mom thought he didnt need to







:


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Always. It's a "rule" we all agree on. If a door is closed we knock and wait to be invited in. Always.

And if we forget and barge in... well, whatever we see on the other side is our own fault.


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## barbara73069 (Apr 21, 2007)

And if we forget and barge in... well, whatever we see on the other side is our own fault.







[/QUOTE]

LOL, I did that once by accident, never again. I definitely learned a good lesson.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barbara73069* 
And if we forget and barge in... well, whatever we see on the other side is our own fault.









LOL, I did that once by accident, never again. I definitely learned a good lesson.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, it only took dd once to figure out why the knocking rule was in place too. At least it opened the door (no pun intended... ah who am I kidding? Of course it was) for the talk.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

My dd is only 2.5 and we knock on her door when we go in to get her in the morning - even tho she is standing in her bed yelling, Moooooooomy come get me, I am awake! When she's with me and we come to a closed door, we knock. Why? Because I want her to know that it's polite to knock.

My parents STILL don't knock and I'm a grown woman living in my own house. We keep our doors locked so that my parents (and other family) won't just walk right in. I have watched them from the kitchen window. Grab door knob, try to open. Look puzzled...is this some kind of trick? Finally knock on door. Are granted entrance. Ask, "Why was the door locked?"

Sigh.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
My dd is only 2.5 and we knock on her door when we go in to get her in the morning - even tho she is standing in her bed yelling, Moooooooomy come get me, I am awake! When she's with me and we come to a closed door, we knock. Why? Because I want her to know that it's polite to knock.

My parents STILL don't knock and I'm a grown woman living in my own house. We keep our doors locked so that my parents (and other family) won't just walk right in. I have watched them from the kitchen window. Grab door knob, try to open. Look puzzled...is this some kind of trick? Finally knock on door. Are granted entrance. Ask, "Why was the door locked?"

Sigh.

To keep people who don't live in the house from gaining entrance.

Some people never learn about personal space.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Knock and wait for dd who is 14yrs.

Ds who is 9yrs has not figured out he can keep us out.

We have no locks on our interior doors so it is a big deal to learn to knock and wait around here.


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## doctorjen (May 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
LOL, I did that once by accident, never again. I definitely learned a good lesson.

Yeah, it only took dd once to figure out why the knocking rule was in place too. At least it opened the door (no pun intended... ah who am I kidding? Of course it was) for the talk.[/QUOTE]

As I said, none of us are big door closers here - dh and I's bedroom is separate from the kids', and we usually leave our door open at night since we can only barely here them if one yells for us. When ds was 15, he was talking on the phone late at night and answered call waiting and it was the hospital for me. He came barreling up the stairs and into our room (door open, can't blame him) calling for me to get the phone in the middle of some, uh, marital bonding. Poor kid took to standing around the corner out of sight and yelling for me after that one.


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## BamaDude (Aug 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lincap* 
Amen!

My dad was a push the door open without warning guy. And I hated it. I would be 12, 14, 16 getting dressed and BOOOM push the door open.. "blah blah" and then I would yell "GET OUT I AM GETTING DRESSED!" and then he would say "OH,talk to me like that and you aren't going ANYWHERE!"...
It happened over and over and over... He would also say "MY house, MY door" or "I don't care If I see you naked..." Well.. *I*minded!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

If your dad was that into marking his "territory", it's a wonder he didn't just pee on your bedroom door's frame too while he was standing there.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *lincap* 
Thank you all the door knockers! I will be a door knocker when the boys get bigger!

Agreed!

In the house I grew up in my bedroom was also the dining room, so I didn't have any doors and awoke every morning to the sight of my parents eating breakfast. When I was 11 we moved to a house where I had a "real", separate bedroom, COMPLETE WITH CLOSING DOOR! I was so thrilled to finally have a real bedroom, I kept the door shut all the time. Mom was good about knocking, but usually only _after_ she had stuck her head in the door. Ooh... so close!
Probably because of this, I'm a pathological door-knocker: If the door is closed I knock on the door itself and if the door is open I knock on the frame, but either way I don't enter until invited.


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

Once they get to a modest age/stage, I knock. No point if they aren't masturbating or embarrassed about me seeing them nekkid. First time they act embarrassed or ask me to knock, I do from then on.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

I remember throwing a book at my mom (it didn't actually hit her, and I had my reasons) when I was fourteen cause she opened the door to my room when I was at her house interrupting some 'personal' time. Even after that she refused to know. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Lincap, my mom had the same reasoning as your dad. It was her house she didn't permission to go into any room unannounced. Basically one of two main reason I lived with my dad.


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## cjanelles (Oct 22, 2005)

We knock, and then open the door slowly, unless the kids call out "hold on" or something...

My mom knocked.

My dad read my diary and beat me for the contents.

I try to respect my kids' privacy.


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## harrietsmama (Dec 10, 2001)

I have started knocking for my dd 8.5 because she is developing a healthy sense of modesty. Even if she calls me from the bathroom( she has bowel leakage issues and is still learning to manage it on her own) I knock first then just stick my nose in the door and ask her if she wants me in or just to fetch something. She is very close to puberty - she just hit 5 ft!!! 4 inches in 6 mos. and has a little boyfriend who I adore. I want to develop trust so that when the hormones kick in she knows I respect her privacy. Then we can have discussions about what is appropriate in private and what needs to be not private until she's older. Right now I let her close the door when McGwire is over b/c it keeps her db from busting into their time together. Usually they are just playing legos or he is putting her make up on and making her hair pretty and all done up ( he has a little sister and a teenage sister) so I'm not worried. When they want to hold hands they go outside on the bench over the crick and *that* is their 'private' spot - in clear view, but with their backs to us and ds isn't allowed over there b/c he can't follow the safety rules. (the bank is very steep and loose and it's too easy to fall & there's an old dam, and about 2 feet of muck under the water so he could get hurt very easily or drown not mention the poison ivy!)

I guess when my daughter gets just a touch older we will talk. I live in a very religiously conservative area, although like me, not every person fits that corner. MY concern about dd and bf being intimate is more about bf getting in trouble w/ his parents and them getting angry with me, thereby risking the kids relationship altogether. I don't have a no sex attitude, but after my experiences, I want to have MUCH better communication about healthy relationships with dd and ds in time for them not to get really hurt & embarrassed like poor girl across the street. She lost her virginity to a schmuck and he dumped her and broke her heart.


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## mamade6 (Jul 28, 2008)

YES,YES,YES
Remember if we want our children to respect us we have to respect them. Treat others as you want to be treated!!!

Crista


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## kennedy444 (Aug 2, 2002)

I always knock but boys are not allowed in the bedrooms.

In my house growing up boys were only allowed on the first floor, not up on the second floor. Same rule applys in my house now.


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

*
Nevermind


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Knocking is only polite, and I think it's important to let our children know that we respect their privacy. After all, we should model to our children the behavior that we expect from them. We can't be bursting into their room without warning in and get angry when they do the same to us. Mutual respect goes a long way with teenagers, and children in general.


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## alima (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
LOL, I did that once by accident, never again. I definitely learned a good lesson.


Uh, yeah, that's where I am. Knock and wait till he's dressed









My parents didn't knock, very old-fashioned immigrant parents. They grew up in a place where families lived 10-15 people per house. The whole "personal space" thing we have here in North America confused the heck out of them. They thought that asking them to knock meant we were hiding something very, very bad









I am very used to having no personal space, so knocking was something we both had to get used to, once ds hit puberty. Wasn't ever an issue when he was younger, he always preferred to be wherever I was anyway.


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