# "We don't _____" Rules you never realized you had until you had a toddler.



## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

This came up a lot in the YKYATPOAT thread, so I thought I'd do a spin-off.

What rules have you discovered that you live by that you'd never been aware of before having a toddler?

Here are some of mine:

"We don't eat with our feet on the table."
"We don't put daddy's earplugs in our vulva."
"We don't don't do handstands while we nurse."

What rules have you discovered?


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

"We don't pull on our brothers penis" springs to mind.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

"We don't pee on toads."


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## CallMeMommy (Jun 15, 2005)

"We don't body-slam the baby" (he didn't *really* body slam the baby, but he was pretending and I was afraid it was going to turn real)

"We don't put things in our foreskin"


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## dnr3301 (Jul 4, 2003)

never thought I'd have to make a "we wear underwear while using scissors" rule


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## CanBoo (Nov 17, 2006)

We don't put chopsticks in our ears.

-----------------------------------------

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dnr3301* 
never thought I'd have to make a "we wear underwear while using scissors" rule

OK if this thread was a contest, you'd win!







:


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## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dnr3301* 
never thought I'd have to make a "we wear underwear while using scissors" rule









:

"we don't ride the cat like a horse"
"we don't put bobby pins in our penis"
"we don't barf into peoples hands when we don't like our food"
"we don't eat coconut foot cream"
"we don't put unwanted food/toys between mom's boobs"
"we don't give people our boogers"
"we don't try to look at our yoni when we pee, pee goes everywhere"

dd arches her pelvis to watch herself pee and then the pee arcs over the toilet seat. our bathroom always smells so fresh.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

we don't put birthday candles or knitting needles in our vagina.


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## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

oh yeah and one of my favorites:

"our buttcrack is not a pocket"


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## francie024 (Oct 23, 2007)

we don't rub our pacifier in poop and then put it back in mouth.







:


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## Fay (Sep 21, 2005)

"We don't bless ourselves in the toilet. Toilet water is not holy water."


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

"We don't draw on the cat."


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## fruitlove (Apr 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *francie024* 
we don't rub our pacifier in poop and then put it back in mouth.







:


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## ErikaG (Nov 12, 2005)

We do not sit in the laundry basket to eat our snack.
We do not bite the cat's tail.

I had to share this with my husband and I will tell you that I was laughing too hard to get through some of these without a break.


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## JessBB (Apr 10, 2007)

We don't peepee in the doggie's water bowl (best of all: not our dog).


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

We don't hide uncapped markers in our shirt.
We don't sit on our brother and pretend he's a horse when he wants to get up.


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## mouthcave (Oct 9, 2008)

We don't fart on people's faces.


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## Ubelle (Nov 3, 2006)

We do not:
draw on our arms, hands, back, the floor or mommy's truck with markers - especially not sharpies.
pee pee on the grass in public, when a toilet is available
stick thermometers, pens, coins in our vulva/ vagina
sit on the counter with a nakie butt
lick the tub


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## canadiangranola (Oct 1, 2004)

we don't ...
eat toothpaste.
say "what the frickin he$#" when grandma is around.
use our fingers to eat dip from the dip bowl at a potluck table
cut holes in our new socks
play in the cat litter
pee in the veggie garden


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## averlee (Apr 10, 2009)

I can't believe somebody else already said, we don't ride the cat like a horse!


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## shahjehan (Oct 2, 2007)

What a great thread! Brightens my day. May I add:

We don't nurse with wet nail polish.
We don't nurse and chew gum. You must choose.

Never ever thought I would have to make those rules.


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## Cristiaz (May 8, 2007)

I'm lmafao right now!!!!!!

I'll add
we don't put food in our vagina/butt cracks
we don't draw on the walls
we don't spit food out at the table
we don't spit in peoples/animals faces
we don't pee on the floor/carpet/car seat/bath tub/outside/couch/chairs
we don't play with pooh/dogs pooh included
we don't sit on cats
we don't ride dogs like horses and pull on their ears like reigns

You all covered the basics...feel like I'm repeating myself, lol...I guess they're all the same!


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## PatchChild (Sep 1, 2006)

We don't play with our penis while cooking.

I thought my DH was going to choke when he heard that one.


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## sparkygirl74 (Jun 1, 2005)

No talking with a boob in your mouth *ouch*
If you want to wrestle you have to wear clothes
Don't eat food you find under furniture
You have to wear pants to feed the chickens

Our kids have clothes aversions...Can you tell?


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sparkygirl74* 
No talking with a boob in your mouth *ouch*
If you want to wrestle you have to wear clothes
Don't eat food you find under furniture
You have to wear pants to feed the chickens

Our kids have clothes aversions...Can you tell?

Also, "no nursing while chewing" Ouch.


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## russsk (Aug 17, 2007)

We don't pick lint off our diaper and eat it.
We don't pick junk out of the dog's paw and eat it.
We don't walk backwards into the dogs and fall all over them.


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## srs (Nov 8, 2007)

This thread is awesome.

We have to wear underwear to sit in the high chair.
We don't eat poop. (didn't happen, she just keeps asking Mommy to eat poop. yuck!)


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## hedgehogs4 (Aug 22, 2008)

"We always wear underwear when grandma comes over."

"We don't eat things we find in the garbage."









"We don't spit out food on the floor just because we don't like it."


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## sparkygirl74 (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hedgehogs4* 

"We don't spit out food on the floor just because we don't like it."

I am loving that I am not hte only one with a spitter







:


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## SoxMama (Jul 7, 2009)

"We don't suck on the heels of mama's high heeled shoes." Every. Single. Day.


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## mrsjtc (Dec 23, 2008)

" We don't pee down the slide." (And I have daughters!)


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## jocelyndale (Aug 28, 2006)

We don't play with the dog's penis.
We don't lick the dog's eyeballs.
We don't eat the dog's eye boogers.
We don't stick toothpicks in Mommy's feet.


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## tabrizia (Oct 24, 2007)

We don't lick or bite feet!


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## morganlefay (Nov 13, 2007)

We don't eat toilet paper.

We don't pour the dog's water down our shirt.


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## huminbird (Mar 5, 2008)

We don't lick the television.
We don't eat soap (I am a wahm and make goats milk soap which he eats)
We don't climb on EVERYTHING!
We don't use drawers as steps.
We don't climb the fence out of the yard.
We don't put our feet in our food.
We don't use our forks and spoons with our feet.

The list goes on and on and he is only 15 months...


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## Cativari (Mar 26, 2007)

Gum that is found under tables and on play ground equitment is not for chewing.

Stuffed animals cannot eat real icecream.

Toliets are not for taking baths. For your toys or yourself.

Toothbrushes are not toliet brushes and should not be treated as such.

Don't lick grandma, she doesn't like it.


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## stephienoodle (Jul 28, 2007)

We don't eat dead flies.

We don't pee on the dog's bed.

We don't use our toothbrush to scrubba-dubba the bathroom floor.


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

We don't wear Mama's underwear around our necks.
We do not bite the computer, even when we're teething.
The door of the dishwasher is not a step.
Daddy's nipples are not for nursing.


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## Vancouvercat (Aug 20, 2007)

No, your penis does not need to drink your milk too.


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## milosmomma (May 9, 2007)

Your brother is NOT a karate puppet.

Wow, I love this thread.....


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## mommyinIL1976 (Jan 20, 2008)

When DD was three:

"We don't put chapstick on our vulva. It doesn't need chapstick".

Now the worst part. I re-cap the chapstick and set it on the nightstand as I re-direct DD to another part of the house. Yep, I forgot about it and an hour later DH comes walking into the kitchen applying a generous amount of chapstick to his lips.

He didn't find it nearly as hilarious as I did!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Love this thread.

DS, 14 mo (just for reference).

We don't pull the tablecloth off the table during dinner.
We don't stick our feet in our spaghetti.
We don't drag the cat around by the tail. Especially up the stairs.
We don't scream in the bunny's face. It makes him molt.
We don't lay on top of the cat. Or the dog.
We don't drink out of the dog's water bowl. Or play in it.

And the most enforced rule in our house:

We don't wake mommy & daddy up by sticking their glasses up their nose.


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## mama516/419 (Feb 15, 2009)

To my DD
CJs peni is only for him to touch
stop yelling out the window to people walking down the street

To my DS

no splashing in pee
please dont climb that - or that - or that - or stick your finger in that


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## Zadee (Oct 20, 2006)

And here I thought

"Popsicle sticks do not go in your vagina"

would be unique!

Note: arts and crafts are now done with underwear on.


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## Demeter_shima (May 16, 2007)

..."tweak mommy's nipples" that one is somewhat new...

bang our head into glass doors

eat chalk

grab the dog's eye

(I guess I knew all of these things...I just didn't know that I'd have to SAY them LOL)


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## amlikam (Nov 19, 2008)

we don't play in the toilet after mama uses it before she flushes it.......

we don't eat femine products, even if they are not used....

we don't eat dog hair (or dust bunnies)

we don't drink mama's coffee....

we don't grab at peoples glasses- they are a medical device
(I find it akin to knocking someone out of a wheel chair- since I am so dependent on mine. My sister says "oh its fine" but not when you NEED them!)


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## mumto2 (Apr 30, 2005)

Oh this is so funny, I haven't had such a good laugh in ages!!

The only new things I have to add are:
*No feeding the expressed breast milk to the cat - I don't care if he likes it, it's for the baby.








*No peeing in pot plants, sometimes they are artificial.


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## Love_My_Bubba (Jul 4, 2006)

"I understand that you're going through an independent phase which is why I kepp water cups ready for you in the fridge, you REALLY don't need to get an empty cup and fill it with toilet water just so you can tell us that you completed a task. Toilet water is not for drinking."


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## sp24 (Jul 24, 2007)

This is too much! It is soooo refreshing to hear the rules and know we are not alone!!

Our latest: we do not pee on the floor


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## lemurik (Jul 26, 2007)

We don't roll sisters like a snowball
We don't push our fingers into sister's/brother's mouth for them to suck on (applies to both kids)
We don't chew on shoes
We don't sit on sister - she is not a chair
We don't dance in the feeding chair


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## Purple*Lotus (Nov 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JessBB* 
We don't peepee in the doggie's water bowl (best of all: not our dog).


Quote:


Originally Posted by *PatchChild* 
We don't play with our penis while cooking.

I thought my DH was going to choke when he heard that one.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
We don't drag the cat around by the tail. Especially up the stairs.

OMG I have never laughed so hard in my life!!

From my Nanny of a toddler days: We don't follow Mommy's business friends in to the bathroom.







She was so used to following her Mom or me in there that when my boss would have a business meeting at the house she would want to follow those people in to the bathroom too


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## CanBoo (Nov 17, 2006)

Pet related rules:
We dont climb the cat post.
Kitty needs her quiet time that's why we don't stick our face in the cat house.
When kitty is hissing (or dog is growling) we leave them alone.
We don't step on the dog's tail.
We don't kiss the dog back.


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## Pumpkin_Pie (Oct 10, 2006)

OMG, these are great!

A few of our latest:

We only touch our own penis.
We do not lick public toilets.
We do not kiss public trash cans. (from today, unfortunately)
We do not sit on the cat.
We do not jump off the chair and try to land on our bicycle.
We do not bang our cars onto the glass windows.

There have to be more.... thinking...


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JessBB* 
We don't peepee in the doggie's water bowl (best of all: not our dog).

We have this rule too - ds has done it more than once - ick. At least he announces it so I can get the poor dog a new bowl of water!


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## CanBoo (Nov 17, 2006)

One more pet related rule came up today.









Cats are not dogs. We don't shake the cat's paw.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

From yesterday -

We don't pee on the dog.
We don't use one of Grandma's fancy hand towels to clean up pee-peed on dog.
Yes, peeing under the dog is the same as peeing on the dog.

We don't kiss the neighbor's horse, even though the dog just kissed him.


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## jecombs (Mar 6, 2008)

We do not stick our fingers in the dog's vagina. She doesn't like it.
We do not touch poop; mine, yours, the dog's or the cat's.
We do not play in the litterbox like it is a sandbox.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stephienoodle* 
We don't eat dead flies.


Same rule in our house.


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## pottermama (Jun 14, 2006)

Don't pee on your sisters head even if she is laying in the grass. (that was a close on)

Don't eat your boogies and don't ask other people to either.

You have to have underpants on if you are wrestling especially if you are going to sit on your sisters head.(for my 2yr dd)

The breast pump is not for making popcicles. (long story)









When at the doctor's office please don't repeat "I feel like fricken' crap" over and over.

I will be back with more later. I love this thread.


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## ErikaG (Nov 12, 2005)

I think today we've added two new rules...

We do not try to hang our pretzels (or anything else) from Mama's nipples-it is yet to be determined whether this rule will be expanded to "Mama's or Papa's nipples"-she hasn't tried to hang things from his nipples yet, but she may-she tries to twiddle his as much as mine.

We do not try to put our snack cup on our feet-especially when we have snack still in it.


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## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyinIL1976* 
When DD was three:

"We don't put chapstick on our vulva. It doesn't need chapstick".

Now the worst part. I re-cap the chapstick and set it on the nightstand as I re-direct DD to another part of the house. Yep, I forgot about it and an hour later DH comes walking into the kitchen applying a generous amount of chapstick to his lips.

He didn't find it nearly as hilarious as I did!

















:







:


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

We dont ask people if they want to c our penis. we dont pee in the bowl of gold fish, in the vent, in the closet, in the dump truck


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## 2xshy (Nov 27, 2007)

We do not eat and nurse at the same time.
We do not eat the sweep pile. (this drives me batty)
We do not climb inside the cupboard. (she gets stuck)
We do not eat poo.
We do not shove our hands in our throat so far back that we vomit.
We do not grab mamas vulva in the bath or when she is changing.
We do not eat diaper cream.
electronics need to stay dry, out of the mouth, bath and toilet.


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## kcparker (Apr 6, 2008)

"No shirt, no shoes, no service" - at our house, we need to amend that to: underpants are mandatory, shirt is optional, but definitely socks, shoes and nothing else is not appropriate dinner attire. We also don't sit on the dinner table with a naked butt (or even a clothed butt, for that matter).

We do not grab onto the janky wood crossbar on the screen door, hang with our full body weight and push the door open so we swiiiing! out. This can only end badly, and mama does not need one more broken thing to fix in this house.

We don't color directly on the floor, nor do we pee on it, nor do we spit on it, even if we clean it up right away afterwards. (What is UP with the that? My friend told DS that he is welcome to come out and spit-polish her motorcycle if he wants to though...she thought this behavior was hilarious.)

Mama's general rule is to kiss all your owies, but when you squash your foreskin under your Jack-in-the-box, "Kiss penis?" turns out to fall into the sorry-we-don't-do-that category.


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## dex_millie (Oct 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CallMeMommy* 
"We don't body-slam the baby" (he didn't *really* body slam the baby, but he was pretending and I was afraid it was going to turn real)

"We don't put things in our foreskin"

DS has been doing some things with DD(4 months).

"We do not sit on baby back to play horses" (he does it soft).

"Do not pretend to pee on your sister" (he gets in the mood where he pretends to pee on things or in things, but he doesn't it. He just holds his penis and goes around saying 'psssss' while pointing or putting it down cups once in a while).

"Do not jump over your sister"

Thought I wouldn't use "Stop kissing/hugging her so much" "Gave her a break" "Get off her"


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumto2* 
*No peeing in pot plants, sometimes they are artificial.









What on earth good is an artificial _pot_ plant?









The "don't" I said for the first time today was, "No, we can't give your baby sister a bath in the oobleck."


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## lemurik (Jul 26, 2007)

New ones today:
We don't spit apple and give it to sister
We don't take food that sister spit to eat
...what's up with that today?
We don't pull sister off the patio table to climb on it instead - we don't climb on the table


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

"We don't put the toothbrush in the dog's mouth"
"We don't lick the cat litter"
"We don't spit toilet water at each other"
"And we CERTAINLY don't put tree frogs in our mouths!"


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## nancy11 (Jul 30, 2007)

Wow. I guess I'm in big trouble. How many times do you need to refresh their memories with all these "rules?" :-O


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Got a new one today.

We don't use the pliers on the dog.









He's only 14 months..........


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Got a new one today.

We don't use the pliers on the dog.









He's only 14 months..........









:

Oh my I can imagine!


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## Vortexing (May 11, 2006)

How about:

We don't put allen wrenches in the dog's anus, she doesn't need "tightened".

(Especially when the dog is a 13 year old, blind, deaf, arthritic Labrador who never would've seen it coming).

or

We don't put our noses in sister's mouth.

(I don't know why she insists on doing this, but it's been 5 weeks now and seriously she tries it daily.)


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

OMG this thread is hilarious!

(from yesterday) We do not drink still water from the sandbox, it has bugs in it! (EWWWWW!!!!!!!!! There were a ton of tiny little tadpole shaped bugs in there too!!! uke )

You MUST put on clothes if you want to go outside.

We do not put playdough in our ear or nose. (How quickly we forget after our trip to the ER due to a lodged bead in the nose!)

We do not eat cat food.

Don't smush your poo between your fingers, it belongs in the toilet.

Daddy does not play "Mean Girl" or Pirate on public transit (long story).

ETA - dh just reminded me of this one - We do not play helicopter with the family cat.


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## ashleedio (Jan 8, 2008)

"We don't lick the dog" is one that I said just the other day.


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

DD is only 12.5mo and we already have:
We don't climb into/sit in the dishwasher.
We don't eat random things found on the floor.
We don't put dirty underwear on our head.
We don't drink bath water. Or suck on soapy washcloths.
We don't splash in the toilet.
We don't climb off the arm of the couch.
We don't put dirty diapers in our mouth.

And kitty is one GIANT don't...
...touch kitty's butt.
...yell in kitty's face.
...sit on kitty.
...pull kitty's tail, especially when he's on his tower.
...climb kitty's tower.
...eat fur or nails or anything that came off of kitty.

And we add new ones every day.


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

Oh, I forgot the most commonly used one - we don't bite mama's back fat.

(This is how she gets my attention if I'm at the computer too long.


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## Kritto (Apr 30, 2006)

Yesterday I said "we don't put apricots in our butt crack". This goes right along with the "No, Mr. Potatohead does not go in your vagina" and "We don't put pencils/crayons/chopsticks/keys in vaginas."

Glad I'm not the only one saying things like this!


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## Whistler (Jan 30, 2009)

Oh my goodness! I laughed so hard I cried!

Here are a few from our house:

We don't wake Mommy up in the morning with a flying tackle when you weigh over 40 pounds.

We don't poke Cheerios, noodles, carrots or cracker crumbs into the poles of the dining room chairs. They grow mold and begin to smell.

We don't poke markers up our noses, ears or any other bodily orifice.

We don't steal Mommy's iPod.

Dominoes don't make good food.

We don't store our books under the chair cushions. (Actually we do.)

We don't grind wheat in Daddy's very expensive coffee grinder to be like Laura Ingalls.

We don't paint using our hair.


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## bubbamummy (Feb 25, 2009)

We dont save up our poopoo for the tub, do it in your diaper.

Mummys knickers are NOT a necklace


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

:







:







: These are hilarious! Some more:

We do not put coins in the car CD player.







(Got it out! Phew!)
We do not put our toes in Mommy's nose when nursing.

And to my 4 y.o.:
We do not tell dad he has "great nipples" at the public swimming pool in earshot of everybody. (WTH was that all about anyway?????







)


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## MariesMama (Sep 26, 2008)

We don't blow our noses on sandwiches.

DD is only 18 months though


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pottermama* 
When at the doctor's office please don't repeat "I feel like fricken' crap" over and over


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## RolliePollie (May 10, 2006)

We don't use mommy's cleavage to store hotwheels, cups, pens, etc...
We don't shove food into daddy's mouth while he's sleeping
We don't yank daddy's penis when he's stepping out of the shower
We don't unbuckle our carseat and then attempt to open the car door while mommy is driving
We don't threaten to fart on people when we're angry


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## sfoxfire143 (Sep 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dnr3301* 
never thought I'd have to make a "we wear underwear while using scissors" rule

this gave me a laugh i needed....


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## Paeta16 (Jul 24, 2007)

LOL...these are hilarious!

We don't swing on the fridge door handle.
The dog does not LIKE carrots so do not feed them to her.
We don't climb the outside of the stairs.
If you found it on the floor/ground you are not SUPPOSED to eat it!
Don't brush the dog's face.
We don't stick our hand in front of Daddy while he is peeing.
We don't wipe our bum with our hands, esp. after pooping.
We shouldn't talk while nursing.
Please don't show everyone the food you just chewed up in your mouth.


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## abiyhayil (Feb 8, 2008)

Said often:
Is Jacob dog thirsty? (As he drinks out of dogs bowl, this makes him giggle) Mommy has your water, jacob drinks from his cup!

Does jacob eat dog food? Nooooo! (said emphatically as he steals nuggets out of the bin!)


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## ckmannel (Oct 16, 2008)

we dont expose mommy's breasts in public because we want to nurse
we dont shove ice in our diapers (i don't know why we'd want to....)
we don't sniff other baby's bottoms


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## sept15lija (Jun 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nancy11* 
Wow. I guess I'm in big trouble. How many times do you need to refresh their memories with all these "rules?" :-O

At least hourly!!!









At our house:

We don't use our toothbrush to scrub every other surface in the house besides our teeth
We don't blow our nose and then put the kleenex back in the box
We don't colour on every other surface in the house besides the paper supplied
We don't play with dog poop (sometimes I miss a pile in the backyard!!!







)
We don't drink out of the dog's water bowl


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## ~pi (May 4, 2005)

Last night: "We don't play with our penis at the dinner table."


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## NorthernPixie (Dec 14, 2007)

We don't go to the mailbox naked.


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

A new one added today by my 3 year old girl:
We do not strip off ALL our clothes on the boat dock and "pee like daddy" when you have to go potty


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

A few new ones from today









-We don't eat things we pull out of the trashcan.
-We don't drink the water from the dishwasher. (We use the dishwasher primarily as a drying rack, so the door is usually open with a little bit of water in it. DD decided it tastes better than the filtered water we give her to drink. blech.)
-We don't eat the sequins/beads off mama's top.
-We don't walk between dad's legs when he's standing at the toilet peeing.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I love this thread. Its great!
A few of the ones i caught myself using the last couple of days..
Your sister isn't a road, don't drive your cars on her.
Don't put books in your vagina.
No sitting on the cat, or picking her up by her neck, or pulling her fur, or throwing her (yea, she has a cat problem)
No hiding Daddy's Id.. or keys.. or uniform blouse, or cover (she doesn't like DH leaving)
No eating Mommy's makeup
No helping your sister climb the linen closet shelves (said after finding my 9 month old on the third shelf in the lining closet)
No chasing the birds


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

We do not eat the cat food.
We do not put the cat food into the water bowl.
We do not play in the litter box.


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## AAK (Aug 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shahjehan* 
What a great thread! Brightens my day. May I add:

We don't nurse and chew gum. You must choose.


That is a rule here too!

Also,
we don't have an abc gum collection and we really don't keep it on the back of the seats in the car

we don't ride bikes without underwear

Amy


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## isign (Jan 17, 2008)

I love this thread, it makes me feel better about mine little ones - 2 (on thurs) and 9 months









We don't pick at mama's freckles, they don't peel off. (he does this in his sleep!)

Things we don't do to Sister
-ride her
-lay on top of her
-poke her eyes
-bite her anywhere, especially not her head.

You are not free to do exactly what I asked you not to just because you've given me a kiss and hug.

Locking Mama in the garage is not ok. When mama bangs on the door to be let back in, knocking back is not the right thing to do.

Son, Daddy doesn't need his nipples flicked, rubbed or played with.
Baby girl - milk doesn't come out of those!

When DS was little - it is not ok to suck on mama's chin, it leaves hickeys.


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *isign* 
I love this thread, it makes me feel better about mine little ones - 2 (on thurs) and 9 months









We don't pick at mama's freckles, they don't peel off. (he does this in his sleep!)

Things we don't do to Sister
-ride her
-lay on top of her
-poke her eyes
-bite her anywhere, especially not her head.

You are not free to do exactly what I asked you not to just because you've given me a kiss and hug.

L*ocking Mama in the garage is not ok. When mama bangs on the door to be let back in, knocking back is not the right thing to do.*

Son, Daddy doesn't need his nipples flicked, rubbed or played with.
Baby girl - milk doesn't come out of those!

When DS was little - it is not ok to suck on mama's chin, it leaves hickeys.









:







:














MG! The bolded part made me CRY!


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## isign (Jan 17, 2008)

Mama had to open the garage door, not wearing a bra, run around to the front door and let herself in. He was just laughing.


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *isign* 
Mama had to open the garage door, not wearing a bra, run around to the front door and let herself in. He was just laughing.

laughup
But were you wearing a shirt? _Please_ tell me you weren't! That would make the whole scenario P-E-R-F-E-C-T!!!! For me, at least.


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## isign (Jan 17, 2008)

lol yeah, but no pants


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## Ubelle (Nov 3, 2006)

Our newest rules we've added in the past week:
For DD they may be worded differently (less we don't)

We Don't:
...Serve food off our bodies
...eat anything stuck to our butt
...offer mommy or daddy anything stuck to your butt, vulva or from your belly button
...eat food the dog has licked
...lick our hands after the dog does

others:
If your going to pee standing up like daddy, you need to take your pants all the way off.
If you need to kick and splash in the tub, we have to close the curtian.


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

Quote:

lol yeah, but no pants
Nice!









And I'm sure he thought it was the BEST.GAME._EVER_!


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## littleplum (Jul 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vancouvercat* 
No, your penis does not need to drink your milk too.

And the corollary: Your penis is not a straw.


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleplum* 
And the corollary: Your penis is not a straw.









Oh my gosh I just laughed so hard I woke up my two year old! I don't have boys but I can ONLY imagine...........


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## Code Name Mama (Oct 5, 2007)

Hysterical!

Just this morning:

"We don't put toothbrushes on/in mama's bottom."

(That's what I get for having toothbrushing time in the buff, eh?)


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## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

Very funny!

I have (2 year old always comes with me in the bathroom):
- Mommy wipes her own butt
- Mommy changes her own pad
I do let him get the toiletpaper for me and flush









Carma


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carma* 
Very funny!

I have (2 year old always comes with me in the bathroom):
- Mommy wipes her own butt
- Mommy changes her own pad
I do let him get the toiletpaper for me and flush









Carma

We have these rules too:
I don't need help wiping
Please don't touch mommy's poop/pee
and if Daddy does not shut the door to pee, he must sit down because the girls think daddy standing up peeing is like a sprinkler....they think they can run though it.....


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

I have posted already, but just came up with a few new ones recently.....

We don't put our toes in the babies mouth, even if he DOES suck on them.

We DO NOT trim the babies finger nails (not even sure how he got ahold of the nail clippers)

We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.

We dont steal mamas car keys and use them for our electric quad. (we had to drill a small hole in the side because he had to be able to STICK a set of keys somewhere in order to drive it)

We dont throw a fit when mama wants to catch us when we jump into the pool, BECAUSE WE CANT SWIM YET!


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

DH's coworker has this rule: "We don't bite butts"


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.

If you can figure out how to enforce this rule, PLEASE share it with me....I have the same problem


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~LadyBug~* 
If you can figure out how to enforce this rule, PLEASE share it with me....I have the same problem









He usually pees a few seconds after I put him in the water (lately) so I then empty it out and refill. Lately, I dont even fill the tub, I just keep the water running like a "waterfall", and then he likes to hit the button to turn the shower on. He still likes to slurrrrrrrp the water off the tub floor once I have turned everything off......


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## sfreed4575 (Jun 3, 2007)

rotflmao!!


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## RollerCoasterMama (Jul 22, 2008)

Only ONE eye-poker!!!

That was a big one for a year or so:

We don't poke the kitty/baby/dog/grandma/etc in the eye. (The answer to a sweet inquiry "I poke in the eye??" Now he asks if he can count your eyes...say yes with CAUTION!)

We don't pinch Daddy in the pee-pee.

Mommy doesn't want your boogers.

We don't drink from a found sippy cup without checking first. (He's pretty good at this after a bad mouthful of milk!!)

Your toothbrush doesn't play in the potty, neither does Daddy's.

We don't help Mommy wipe. But you can help had me toilet paper and flush.

We don't carry the cat by his head. (Although I taught him to use both arms all the way around and both he and the cat are happy campers now!)

We don't lick pizza cutters or butcher knives while helping Mommy unload the dishwasher!!

We don't put ANYTHING in the cat's water.

And one of my favorites: We don't find Mommy's DDD bra in the dirty laundry and present it to Grandpa as a welcome-to-our-house gift.


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## springmum (Aug 30, 2008)

"we don't eat mommy's hair for dinner"

My 15 month old loves to eat stay strands of hair...eeww


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.


DH had to invoke this one last night.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.

I've given up on this one. Dd1 used to sip up the water so happily and I realized one day that I was grumpily trying to get her to stop... this happened EVERY TIME we had a bath... so eventually I decided to just go with it and let her drink the bathwater... even with the pee in it







...







Nothing bad ever happened to her! She lived! Eventually I'd just say EWWW GROSSS!!!! and laugh and life carried on.


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## mesa (Aug 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumto2* 
*No peeing in pot plants, sometimes they are artificial.









I concur...what good is an artificial pot plant?

For me...

no peeing on the dog
no disassembling of the neighbor's "free" couch on the curb.
no shooting the dogs with Nerf
hammers and bathroom floor tile do not mix
hammers and linoleum also do not mix
hammers and sidewalk concrete don't mix either
no begging the neighbors for candy
no sneaking into the neighbor's garage fridge for ice cream (I don't care if the garage door was open!)
no bumming rides to school because you missed the bus (FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!)

and from their younger days:
No locking mom on the second floor balcony when she's out there smoking. It doesn't help when you laugh at her as she's miming the correct way to unlock the door...and please don't point at her.
Window screens are not meant to be kicked.
Miniblind cords are not meant to be used like Tarzan's vines.

Gotta love my boys...the girl hasn't shocked me with any antics yet...but maybe I'm desensitized by now, who knows


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## Mama2Bean (Mar 20, 2007)

Please do not play in the litter box (actually, I just said, ack! don't do that! as I carried her quickly to the tub this morning).

Please do not drink like a dog from the water bowl.

Please do not eat the cat's food.

Please do not dunk your head in the dog's water bowl (said as I'm cracking up laughing despite my best efforts).


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## Lynn08 (Dec 2, 2008)

*sigh* We had to make up a new one today.

- We don't sit in the dog's food dish. Same goes for the water bowl.


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## Squrrl (Mar 2, 2006)

We don't try to milk Mama into a cup (I have never expressed--this is all her idea).

We don't pull chunks off the wall.

We don't get to share Papa's beer, not even if we reeeeeeeeally want to.

We don't chew on food and then put it back in the container.

We don't "timber" headfirst off the couch arm onto the couch, especially when the neighbor boy is doing the same thing from the other side.

We don't empty out the toy box and then take turns climbing in and having all the toys _thrown_ back in on top of us.

We don't need Mama's food when we are already holding the exact same food.

And we don't read the same book more than twice in a row or ten times in the same sitting.


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

I love this thread.

We don`t lick the restaurant wall...or the sink
We don`t open a public toilet door while Mommy is in there.
and no, Mommy does not look good with Daddy`s pajama pants on her head.


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## Nicci P (Dec 5, 2008)

Dont close DVD cases on your penis, it will hurt. (He only did that one once!)

Mummys phone does not belong in the bin...or the toilet...or the cupboards.

ME: Honey, dont put your toy food in the guinea pigs cage, it will make them sick.
DS (age 2): No it wont.
ME: Yes it will.
DS: No it wont.
ME:Yes it will!
DS: No it WONT! (then comes the realisation that you are arguing with a toddler...never thought I'd do that!)


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## HoldensMama (Feb 25, 2007)

"Please don't rub your penis on Daddy's mouth guard, he will not use it again and we'll have to buy a new one." Had to talk about this on 2 separate occasions. If it happens again I plan on washing it and not telling dh, it's getting expensive.

"Marshmallows are not for breakfast, they're a special treat." Almost every day this week out of nowhere he makes this request.

"Poop doesn't go on the floor/bed it goes in the potty."

"Don't stand between Mommy's knees when I'm trying to wipe, back up please. Please back up. Go see what Daddy's doing. Sigh, go away."


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## sparklett (Nov 25, 2006)

"We don't scrub our testicles with mommy's toothbrush."


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## LianneM (May 26, 2004)

We have a lot of crazy ones ("no butts on people," for example) but the latest is "no flipping over someone - and that includes a somersault!"


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## averlee (Apr 10, 2009)

we don't answer the phone "wrong numba!" and then hang up.
we do not drag things out of the dirty clothes to have picnics on.
we do not ride the broom like a stick horse when naked.
we don't eat cat food. when pestered why, why, I finally just said, because it's not vegetarian.


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## isign (Jan 17, 2008)

We don't pull mama's pants down!!

I wear a lot of yoga pants around the house.


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## mouthcave (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vortexing* 
How about:

We don't put allen wrenches in the dog's anus, she doesn't need "tightened".

(Especially when the dog is a 13 year old, blind, deaf, arthritic Labrador who never would've seen it coming).


Oh no, hahahaha! That is the best/worst thing I've read lately.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

No licking Mama's butt

and

No painting vulvas with fingernail polish were two rules I had to create lately.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Spoke too soon, apparently "not sticking q-tips in our vagina" is another needed rule at our house.


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## adamsfam07 (Sep 9, 2006)

This is a hilarious thread!








How about:
We don't put your finger in your sisters butt.
We don't pull our pants down at a restaurant
We don't stick the peas we don't want to eat in our nose, ears or other small holes on our bodies.
We don't throw food in the bathtub.
Oh yes, and my favorite, we don't stick our unfinished lunch down the babies diapers.

That was interesting, to change the babies diaper and find hot dogs, carrots sticks and grapes shoved down the back of her fuzzi bunz.


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## abiyhayil (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *adamsfam07* 
Oh yes, and my favorite, we don't stick our unfinished lunch down the babies diapers.









: I had to LOL at that one!


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)




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## vrclay (Jun 12, 2007)

Parking meters are not for licking. Um, yeah, for real I said that.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Originally posted 8/2009!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g*
We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~LadyBug~* 
If you can figure out how to enforce this rule, PLEASE share it with me....I have the same problem











Its been almost a year, and I still havent figured out how to get him to stop drinking the bath water. His brother has now followed suit. Fortunatly, the older one is PLing, and pees before getting in the tub. I cant be sure about the little guy.









I have resorted to just letting it go.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
Originally posted 8/2009!!

Its been almost a year, and I still havent figured out how to get him to stop drinking the bath water. His brother has now followed suit. Fortunatly, the older one is PLing, and pees before getting in the tub. I cant be sure about the little guy.









I have resorted to just letting it go.

Let me guess...leans over and sips it? Yeah, I'm there with you. We only worry if he does it after he's been soaped (um, soap water? gross)


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## Camile Rynd (Mar 17, 2009)

We don't tell other people about the size of daddys peeper...


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## vrclay (Jun 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
Originally posted 8/2009!!

Its been almost a year, and I still havent figured out how to get him to stop drinking the bath water. His brother has now followed suit. Fortunatly, the older one is PLing, and pees before getting in the tub. I cant be sure about the little guy.









I have resorted to just letting it go.

We have a "clean water is for drinking" rule. I give him a measuring cup and leave the cold water on trickle so he can fill up the measuring cup and drink that water. I do find that I have to remind him on a very regular (like every bath) basis that clean water is for drinking...


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

We don't lick the keyboard.

We don't lick mommy.

We don't lick the cat.

We don't hold the cat down by the neck, if she wants to go, let her go.

We don't corner the cat in a room, if she wants to go, let her go.


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## lisavark (Oct 27, 2007)

We do not stroke, rub, uncover, or nurse from anyone's boobies but Mommy's.

DD wanted to see Grandma's boobies this weekend while she was babysitting...so she started unbuttoning Grandma's shirt...

And her Montessori preschool teacher told me yesterday that when she (the teacher) is nursing her 10-month-old son at school, DD stands there saying, "Milk! Mmmm, yummy" and making sucking noises while eyeing the teacher's boobs hopefully.









And I can identify with this one:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Camile Rynd* 







We don't tell other people about the size of daddys peeper...

Announcing, "Daddy has a penis because he's a BIG BOY!" is not something we say in public!


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

We do not take off Mommy's shirt in public.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

"We don't ask mommy to give our testicles a kiss."

"We don't pet the dog's anus. That's private."

"We don't sleep in the dog's kennel."

"We don't turn off the chest freezer without mommy and daddy knowing because then mommy ends up cleaning an enormous, stinky, salmon-juicy mess.


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## babygirlie (Jun 4, 2009)

This is hilarious!









We don't scratch our heads while eating. avacodo really sticks in the hair...


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## verde (Feb 11, 2007)

We don't slam the door on the dog's tail. He doesn't like it because it hurts.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 
This is hilarious!









We don't scratch our heads while eating. avacodo really sticks in the hair...

We also don't rub our ears...or our eyes...

When we're finished eating we tell Mama...we don't pick up bites of food and drop them behind our back.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 
This is hilarious!









We don't scratch our heads while eating. avacodo really sticks in the hair...


Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
We also don't rub our ears...or our eyes...

When we're finished eating we tell Mama...we don't pick up bites of food and drop them behind our back.

Yes we do!!! WE do ALL OF THESE THINGS.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
Yes we do!!! WE do ALL OF THESE THINGS.









Oh Good. I thought it was just us. He doesn't do it as much anymore...but there was about a month where he would drop chunks of food down his back (we have one of those chairs that goes on an adult chair) to show he was done eating. Sometimes we wouldn't notice until half of what was left was behind him. Ugh. So messy.


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

We don't try to high-five strangers while nursing.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Ugh. So messy.

Matthew, who is about your sons age, now eats totally naked, and gets a bath immediately after dinner. only because he usually ends up with half his meal in his hair. When we have pancakes or waffles for breakfast, SO.MUCH.FUN!!!!

We dont walk around the grocery store with our hand down our pants, and then expect ANYONE to shake our hand.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbie64g* 
Matthew, who is about your sons age, now eats totally naked, and gets a bath immediately after dinner. only because he usually ends up with half his meal in his hair. When we have pancakes or waffles for breakfast, SO.MUCH.FUN!!!!

Well, he's usually naked or just in a diaper anyway so...but yeah, I made him "Fried apples" one day (butter, brown sugar...) and he rubbed his head. Early [email protected]


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## COgirl19 (Dec 26, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *an_aurora* 
We don't try to high-five strangers while nursing.


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

We don't pluck Daddy's leg hairs and eat them.
We still don't nurse Mama's belly button.
We only "honk" the noses of family members.

(DD is 16 months)


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

We don't lick Mommy's elbow-- a new one today!


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## emmalizz (Apr 14, 2009)

.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

We don't 'trade' when we throw something in the trash can. (he especially likes the milk cartons)

If there is gum on the sidewalk outside, we do NOT pick it up and chew it! (that's for 3 YO DD)

no picking my nose
I had to tell the older two last week "We do NOT yell rude things into the parking garage!" (we were walking downtown, and YES I could see people down there looking back up at my kids







)


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## baglady (Jul 13, 2009)

"We do not shove croissants into mommy's vagina."

I stepped out of the shower in our hotel room and leaned over to get something out of the suitcase; he was eating breakfast. I guess it was too tempting.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

This thread is hysterical!


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## Raine822 (Dec 11, 2008)

the lap-top is not a step stool
the dogs bum is not for hiding toys
the toilet is not for hiding toys
don't bite daddy's pants
don't feed your sister(3 months old)
don't share chewed food
great-grandma's teeth are not a toy

not a rule but a correction...it's a FORK...


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

Thanks for bumping!


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Raine822* 
not a rule but a correction...it's a FORK...











This reminded me.....

"Its a Clock. CLLLLLLLLLLOCK. With an LLLLLLLLLLLLL"


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## Plarka (Jul 1, 2008)

Oh man, this is the funniest thread I've ever read!


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

"We do not play with our vulva at the table. That's private, and you can do that in the washroom or in your room. And yes, you must wash your hands."


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

If you're going to wear a skirt or dress while playing in the sandbox, you have to wear panties too. Sand makes vulvas ouchie.


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## VBMama (Jan 6, 2004)

We don't crawl under the wall into the next stall in a public bathroom; other people like to have privacy.

We don't unlock & open the door of the stall when mommy is using the potty in a public bathroom; mommy likes to have privacy too.
(Can you tell I made a mistake and chose the big stall where I couldn't reach them while taking care of business?







)

When your little sister climbs over the gate into the neighbor's yard, you don't egg her on by yelling "Run, (dd), run!" as you see mommy coming to get her.

We don't throw tomatoes at our siblings.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Mommy does not want to eat your hands after you've had them all over your penis.


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## Demeter_shima (May 16, 2007)

"we don't throw Michael Jackson!"

...said during our yard sale this summer...when my 2 year old started tossing the old dolls that I was selling. LOL
You can imagine the stream of jokes that came out of that one...after the Michael doll's pants fell off...


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## blumooned (Nov 11, 2009)

I just read the whole thread & was laughing so hard I cried several times!!

A couple from our house:
We don't brush our penis with the toothbrush.
We don't eat bubbles in the bathtub.
We don't eat lotion - it is for our skin.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VBMama* 
We don't unlock & open the door of the stall when mommy is using the potty in a public bathroom; mommy likes to have privacy too.
(Can you tell I made a mistake and chose the big stall where I couldn't reach them while taking care of business?







)

DS pulled this one on me today. I felt so infuriated and helpless, sitting there with my bare butt on the can...


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## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HoldensMama* 
"Please don't rub your penis on Daddy's mouth guard, he will not use it again and we'll have to buy a new one."

"Don't stand between Mommy's knees when I'm trying to wipe, back up please. Please back up. Go see what Daddy's doing. Sigh, go away."











Quote:


Originally Posted by *sparklett* 
"We don't scrub our testicles with mommy's toothbrush."












averlee said:


> we don't answer the phone "wrong numba!" and then hang up.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## SkyMomma (Jul 13, 2006)

Here's a few more:

We don't lick the bus stop sign.

We don't whack our brother with our drumsticks.

We don't pour a shovel full of sand down the back of mama's pants.

We don't open-mouth-tongue-kiss our siblings.

We don't put cd's in the toilet.
We don't put giraffes in the toilet.
We don't put mama's cell phone in the toilet.

(Seriously! DS1 was soo not interested in the toilet, what is up with this?)


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

OMG this thread is too much! So hilarious!














Thanks for the laughs Mamas!


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## littlebabydoll (May 15, 2008)

no bringing the umbrella to bed to nurse under during nap time... maybe i will make leeway if it's not nap time...


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## happysmileylady (Feb 6, 2009)

I am amazed at the number of girls sticking things in their whoo-ha's! Oldest never did that when she was little! At least not that I recall, she's 14 now.

With my almost 2 yr old..

The cat does not need you to point out where here eyes are. And she still needs them in her head too.

Mommy's belly button is not a real button. Pushing it hurts and the baby in there doesn't like it much either.


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## Auraji (Sep 19, 2008)

Awesome thread, I can't stop laughing.

TToday to dss (4.5) we don't eat food we found under the couch's cushions









To DD (14m) we don't take food out of our mouths to give to other people.


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## djenya (Aug 21, 2007)

Our latest is "mama's arm/hair/shirt/etc is not a tissue".


----------



## CliffsideMama (Jan 20, 2009)




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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

We don't put play dough in our underpants.
We dont try to shove goldfish up our foreskin.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

We don't shut our foreskin in the Nintendo DS. We especially don't REPEATEDLY shut our foreskin in the Nintendo DS.

Side note: doesn't that hurt, kid?!?!?! Why is this even a rule?!


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lynn08* 
Oh, I forgot the most commonly used one - we don't bite mama's back fat.

(This is how she gets my attention if I'm at the computer too long.
















DD2 once bit the inside of my upper thigh because she wanted to nurse and I wanted to finish washing a pot. Ouch is all I can say!


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## deadheadmomma (Feb 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisavark* 

And her Montessori preschool teacher told me yesterday that when she (the teacher) is nursing her 10-month-old son at school, DD stands there saying, "Milk! Mmmm, yummy" and making sucking noises while eyeing the teacher's boobs hopefully.










OMG, too funny, I can totally see my DS doing this.


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## j_p_i (Sep 9, 2008)

These are too funny... the things you never thought you'd hear yourself say eh?

-We don't sit on the dog naked. He probably doesn't want you to pee on him.

-We don't put our head or feet in the potty chair.

-We don't kick mama in the face with our feet during nursies.


----------



## Auraji (Sep 19, 2008)

We don't take mommy's boobs out while we're out or we have company just so you can twiddle her nipples. In fact, you should never be doing this, but specially not now.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

We don't eat bugs...especially LIVE ones. (I'm still shuddering and this was yesterday)


----------



## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
We don't wake mommy & daddy up by sticking their glasses up their nose.

OMG, that's a rule at our house too!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xshy* 
We do not eat the sweep pile.

What's UP with that, anyway?!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lynn08* 
We don't climb into/sit in the dishwasher.

Every. Day.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ckmannel* 
we dont expose mommy's breasts in public because we want to nurse

Ours is: We do not take Mama's breast out. Mama takes Mama's breast out. Especially in church.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mesa* 
hammers and bathroom floor tile do not mix
hammers and linoleum also do not mix
hammers and sidewalk concrete don't mix either

(Ummm... sounds to me like hammers and your kiddos do not mix...







)

A few from our house:

We do not rub spicy food into our eyes. Or Daddy's eyes.

We do not climb into the bowl of tabouli. That's for dinner.
We do not put our fingers in the butter.
We do not take all the apples out and bite each one.
We do not hang from the cheese drawer.
Okay, just get out of the fridge already!

We do not stick fingers into the fan.

Daddy's CD collection does not need a bath in the toilet.

We do not put Daddy's poker chips in the heating vents. Or in the garbage.

No, you cannot drink Mama's beer. No, not even a taste. No, you cannot splash in Mama's beer either.

Mama's breasts are not for biting. No, it isn't funny when she screams..

We do not jump up and down in the high chair.

We do not play with dirty diapers.


----------



## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

Gods..dd is 12 now lets see...

when she was a toddler..

we must have underwear or other covering on the butt to go outside

We don't squeeze the cat, she does't like it.

the 2 second rule only applies in OUR house


----------



## Auraji (Sep 19, 2008)

We don't take mommy's credit cards out of her wallet and give them to strangers.


----------



## daniturtle (May 17, 2008)

We don't put pennies in our vagina. (we're potty learning these days)

We don't drink the water in the dog bowl.


----------



## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

"We don't sit in the decorative bowl on the coffee table".

I kept finding what I thought were fingerprints all over it (it's chrome); turns out they were toe prints.

So glad this thread is still going strong!


----------



## cparkly (Jul 21, 2009)

"ride the corgi like a motorcycle"
"bite our penis with our alligator"
"use a toothbrush on our penis"
"bite power cords"
"nurse and eat at the same time"
"store food in our underwear"
the ever popular:
"bite the cats"
"drink from the dog/cat dish, eat dog/cat food, etc..."


----------



## triana1326 (Aug 8, 2007)

We do not put cheese in our vagina.

Please finish eating what's in your mouth before nursing. Mommy doesn't like peanut butter and Nutella all over her nipples.

There is no need to announce to everyone at the crowded public beach that you have a vagina and Robbie has a penis. They already know. Because you decided that since Robbie was having his diaper changed, you would take off your bathing suit and run around naked. Thanks...


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

We DO NOT honk Grammy's boobies! Matter of fact, you can stop grabbin mommies while your at it!

We do NOT stick Philipe the screwdriver in our anus.









We do NOT try to rip off our brothers penis when he stands up in the tub.


----------



## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

No you may not play with daddy's beer bottle. I don't care if you were able to reach it off a table we thought you couldn't reach and I don't care if it IS empty.


----------



## Phoenix~Mama (Dec 24, 2007)

I had to stop reading this thread somewhere on page 2 yesterday because I was nearly choking from keeping myself from laughing out loud at work. lol

But some to add.

"We do not drink water from the bird baths."

"We especially do not eat rocks that the doggies have peed on."


----------



## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
We don't take mommy's credit cards out of her wallet and give them to strangers.











I don't have a toddler yet, but this thread is getting me excited for when I do, lol


----------



## SamiPolizzi (May 23, 2009)

I thought of this thread this morning when I found myself saying "We don't hit the dog with a whisk!"


----------



## Auraji (Sep 19, 2008)

We don't strum the guitar with the string cheese.


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

WE DONT ENCOURAGE OUR BROTHER TO CRAWL INTO THE STOVE AND THEN TRY TO CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!

Maybe I should also cross post this in "Can't yell at your kids, yell at this thread".


----------



## pammysue (Jan 24, 2004)

"...pick up a glass off the coffee table and throw it on the hardwood floor, just to see what will happen! It will shatter into a million pieces." (Thank God it was empty!)


----------



## wholebreath (Nov 8, 2008)

We don't put our penis into the (running!) fan

my DH caught this one, thank goodness.


----------



## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
We don't strum the guitar with the string cheese.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *wholebreath* 
We don't put our penis into the (running!) fan

my DH caught this one, thank goodness.


----------



## brackin (Sep 19, 2005)

Don't give the dog a lick of your ice cream cone (and then take it back). That kind of sharing is not good.


----------



## crabbyowl (May 6, 2008)

We don't pick other people's noses.

We don't throw the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet.









We don't throw toothbrushes into the toilet.

We don't put Mama's dirty underwear around our neck.


----------



## Panda Momma (Jul 14, 2010)

For my DS

"We do not put our dirty clothes back into our dresser"

"We do not splash in the biggest mud puddle we can find right before we're supposed to get on the bus to go to school."

For my DD

"We do not put food in other people's drinks"

"We do not throw everything off the table because you want to use it as a stage"

"We do not throw our shoes at our parent's head because they're taking too long to get you outside."


----------



## wiggles06 (Jul 21, 2009)

we don't put pens or markers in the washing machine when mommy is not looking
(whole load of laundry absolutely destroyed!!!)


----------



## divergirldee (Feb 13, 2010)

"we do not lick or kiss mommy's hiney. That's yucky"

(2yo ds did both of these after I got out of the shower)


----------



## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

I was just telling dd the other day not to kiss my hiney.


----------



## SkyMomma (Jul 13, 2006)

I already posted mine, then found myself saying today to my DS2:

"We do not eat our brother's teeth!"

(Backstory: DS1 was walking around with a straw in his mouth. DS2 tried to pull it out so DS1 bit hard, a tug-of-war ensued, ending when DS2 pulled very hard - out popped the straw & DS1's loose tooth. The tooth sailed through the air & onto the kitchen table. DS2 promptly picked it up, said 'toot' (tooth), and put it in his mouth. Awww, the joy of siblings! )


----------



## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

DS came up with this one:
"No eat the poop. Get a tummy ache..."


----------



## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

"We don't walk on printers. We walk on floors. Printers are for printing things with, not for walking on."


----------



## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

We don't ride the zebra without pants.

We do not put raisins in our diapers and then eat them.

The dog does not like to have his anus touched. STOP IT!

We do not share already chewed food with mommy.

We do not shove pacifiers in diapers.


----------



## springmum (Aug 30, 2008)

"We don't put toys in the potty (bblp) after you just pooped in it"


----------



## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

LOL. these are hilarious. I can't wait until my DS is old enough to have to say one of these things.







So far, DS tries to put his fingers on daddies nipples. Hasn't tried that with anyone else yet though..that and tries to nurse from DH. He likes to put his finger in my bellybutton while he's nursing, while I don't mind, if anyone else is trying to put him to sleep, he'll try and do the same to them!









We dont put q-tips in our ear without and adults help
we don't eat bugs

That's about it. we'll see as he gets older!


----------



## Kaimamasan (Mar 7, 2009)

We do not put our feet in our juice glass.
We do not put our penis in our juice glass.
We do not put our entire arm in a jumbo tub of vaseline.
We do not demand that every house guest who comes over gives us a present.
We do not sit in the dog cage to play and then tell strangers that mommy keeps you in a cage.
and finally....Daddy's Penis is NOT a microphone.


----------



## WinterPearl (Aug 29, 2009)

We do not stick our heads in the potty while daddy or friends are peeing standing up.
We do not retrieve food once it has fallen into the potty.
We do not need to help the kittens drink their water and we do not drink their water either.

At my best friends house undies must be worn at all times while guest are over and no locking the baby in rooms.


----------



## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kaimamasan* 
..
We do demand that every house guest who comes over gives us a present.
...

Do they comply?


----------



## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kaimamasan* 
We do not sit in the dog cage to play and then tell strangers that mommy keeps you in a cage.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Best rule I think iIve read in this thread yet.


----------



## springmum (Aug 30, 2008)

We do not eat mama's hair, b/c it makes your poop hang on.

yuck...when does _that one_ end???


----------



## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

these are too funny. I know I have said a few, but I never can remember when these come around.

I do remember today DS was pulling on his penis and saying "Brrrrrup!" then licking off his finger (he's likes to mimick daddy licking his fingers after eating chips) and saying "Aahh" I was laughing too hard to say anything. And he's 15m, he doesn't listen.


----------



## ThankfulMama (Dec 1, 2009)

So much fun. . .

Our newest: we do not brush the dog's teeth with our toothbrush!


----------



## Kaimamasan (Mar 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swd12422* 
Do they comply?









Whoops! Maybe that is what I wish I could do!









I meant do not, of course. Hee hee.


----------



## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

These are great! I'm sure I've said a few but the 2 really coming to mind is this:

"We do not shove shampoo bottles in Kris' vagina." When W younger we went swimming then jumped into the shower to warm up, suits and all. The bottle fell and W tried to hand it back to me. Too much force, not enough aim. I think I went cross-eyed it hurt so much...

"We do not spread other's butt cheeks and tell them, 'I see your hiney!!'" This is a reoccurring situation...


----------



## Burnindinner (Mar 11, 2008)

I love this thread! Makes me feel better about my LO.







And of course I'm too sleep-deprived to remember any of our odd rules...


----------



## newtomotherhood (May 14, 2009)

Just came across "We don't taste money!" we were sorting change into Canadian and American so we could bring in the American in for cash, and she was helping put it in the coffee tin and started to do a quick lick on random coins! yuck!


----------



## mama2rey (Jan 31, 2007)

Too funny!!!

"It isn't necessary to announce that you are wearing Elmo underpants."
"Everybody at the restaurant does not need to know you just used the potty"
"mommy doesn't like it when you say that you have to use the potty just because you want to flush the toilet-especially when we are in public"
"we don't put our feet in the potty."
"We don't climb all over mommy, she isn't a slide"
"we don't jump on mommy, we only jump on the floor."


----------



## mama2rey (Jan 31, 2007)

I just remembered another one:

"we don't scream "help!" at the grocery store when you are with mommy."


----------



## Tarielena (Sep 10, 2008)

Lately all our new rules have been along the lines of "We don't lick our books," or "We don't lick table legs."

I have no idea where the sudden licking came from (he's 2.5).


----------



## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

The other night, DD had just gone potty and ran from the bathroom w/o letting me put her undies back on. She ran to DH and yelled, "UP!" and he said, "I don't pick up naked girls!"

We both exchanged a glance and laughed. I said, "I dunno, DH! LOL!"


----------



## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

Springing out of today's snack....

"We do not step on our food before we eat it."


----------



## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tarielena* 
Lately all our new rules have been along the lines of "We don't lick our books," or "We don't lick table legs."

I have no idea where the sudden licking came from (he's 2.5).

DS is 2.5 too, and we just started a new licking rule, too: "We don't lick the monkey mirror (in the car). We only lick ice cream cones."

And as of this morning, we also don't eat dental floss or rocks....







I thought this phase was over a year ago!


----------



## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

The walls do not need moisturizer (my 5 & nearly *9* year old do that)

Mommy is not a chair. Or a bed. Or a jungle gym. Or a road.

Mommy's ponytail is NOT for steering.

Do not play with your brother's penis

Do not put toilet paper in the toilet, then pull it out.

Do not go out to play in the clothes you peed in.

Stop wiping your boogers on the wall.

Stop putting food on the floor for the baby, he's not a puppy.

I hate to break it to you but you're not a potato

Don't lick your brother's socks!

It's for your teeth, not Spiderman's bits! (toothbrush)

I know there's more.


----------



## peachespoe (Apr 16, 2008)

SO FUNNY!!!

I have had to say these a lot lately...

"We don't blow our noses into the play dough."

"We don't chew/lick our dirty crocks (shoes)."


----------



## Swandira (Jun 26, 2005)

This has probably been covered, but ... Crayons are for coloring paper, not your penis.

Nealy

Mama to Thales (12/9/02), Lydia (2/26/06), and Odin (12/12/08)


----------



## 2timestrouble (Aug 11, 2010)

For my 2 year old:
-No, we don't scratch our butts in public
For my 12 year old:
-That skirt is too short!!! (I better hide my old pictures, lol)


----------



## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

I just had my first "We don't..." experience!








Yesterday at a picnic after babywearing walk:
"We don't put our vulva on other people's sandwiches"

(She escaped during a diaper change and was naked crawling over tupperware)


----------



## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

How about this?

"We do not draw cat faces on other people. If they want to be a cat, they can draw on their own whiskers!" (DD about a week or two ago was in a phase of drawing a cat face on herself daily. She tried to draw on a couple neighbor kids with sidewalk chalk. She's 3.5)

Mom's braid is not:

--a steering device.
--a pull string (like Woody on Toy Story, which they now LOVE)

If you are going to jump, and you expect me to catch you, I need *warning* and this is a ONE KID game. I cannot catch two of you at once. (And no, considering that they yell "TO INFINITY, AND BEYOND!" before ANY jump lately, that is not considered informing me that I am supposed to catch you this time. They yell it so much even the 21 month old now says it!)


----------



## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

We do not pretend to sniff people and proclaim, "Smells like poop!"


----------



## MissMaegie'sMama (Jul 27, 2006)

...play in the cat box or eat cat poop!"


----------



## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swd12422* 
We do not pretend to sniff people and proclaim, "Smells like poop!"


----------



## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)




----------



## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

We do not pick Mommy's nose. (DD)

We do not use christmas tinsel to floss our butts (DD)

We do not pee in the gardening bucket (4 yo Nephew)

We do not poop while running full-tilt across the yard (also Nephew)

ETA: just thought of one more:

ob brand tampons might come in a cute little wrapper, but they are NOT candy!


----------



## angelarose1 (Jun 19, 2009)

We don't twiddle momma's right nipple while popping on and off her left one, super annoying!

We don't comb momma's pubic hair in the shower... thanks anyway, lol!


----------



## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelarose1* 
We don't comb momma's pubic hair in the shower... thanks anyway, lol!


----------



## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

We don't get married at Costco. (Typically. Although "Where the Heart Is" came to mind when she said it.







)

W had a flower hair clippy thingie on the end of her finger and told us it was a ring. I said, "Oh! Are you getting married?" and she looked at me like I was growing corn form my ears. So I explain engagement rings, showed her mine, etc. She goes, "Oh, yeah. I'm getting married. I'm getting married when I'm... My teacher says I'm growing up and and and and when I grow up I'm going to get married at Costco."


----------



## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

A doozie that fell out of my mouth today during lunch --

"We don't dip our [stuffed] monkeys in ketchup!"


----------



## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

We don't eat cat food.


----------



## mama2rey (Jan 31, 2007)

We don't hit the dog, or the cat, or mommy with a baseball bat.


----------



## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

We don't play with our nipples while walking through the grocery store.


----------



## crabbyowl (May 6, 2008)

We don't eat using crayons. We only use forks or spoons.


----------



## mamamillet (May 21, 2004)

You can't brush your teeth AND nurse at the SAME time









DD has tried many times...


----------



## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

Just moments ago....

"We do not stick the pacifier in the cat's butt."

... thankfully we have a very tolerant cat.


----------



## krismark (Nov 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vancouvercat* 
No, your penis does not need to drink your milk too.


This one is a winner for me.


----------



## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *major_mama11* 
ob brand tampons might come in a cute little wrapper, but they are NOT candy!

My son picked one up and used it as a baseball bat with a pom pom.

I didn't stop him...but I didn't tell DH about it, either.


----------



## BettinaAuSucre (Oct 15, 2009)

We don't put sunscreen on the puppy, he doesn't need it!

We don't give the cats juice from your sippy cup!

We don't stick things in mommies bra when you dont have any pockets!


----------



## MountainMamaGC (Jun 23, 2008)

We dont put cookies in our bumcrack. I just said that to her today. lol.


----------



## octobermoon (Nov 22, 2007)




----------



## wookie (Dec 12, 2008)

We don`t drink out of mama`s peri bottle.

Well, at least let me wash it before you do


----------



## becca_howell (Jan 3, 2009)

We don't lick the oven door.
Pinching Mommy's breast will not make milk come faster.


----------



## pammysue (Jan 24, 2004)

...play "garbage truck coming" by dumping all of the garbage into the dog's kennel and then putting the garbage bag back.


----------



## PirateMommy (Aug 27, 2010)

"We don't "jiu jitsu" people's faces, honey." Found myself saying that one yesterday.


----------



## Birdie B. (Jan 14, 2008)

:rotfl

This is the best thread ever!! So far I say on a daily basis "we don't eat dog food", but that seems pretty tame compared with some of these!


----------



## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

I thought of this thread this morning as I told DS, "We don't put our tooth brush on our penis."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Let's go get dressed. You can collect all the toothbrushes so we can sterilize them with boiling water."


----------



## Carrie Posey (Jul 10, 2004)

We don't pour milk on our friends


----------



## GardenStream (Aug 21, 2007)

This happened last night.

"We don't lick the bumpers of cars."

2 minutes later...

"We also don't lick the tires. No, it's not funny, stop it."


----------



## DeerMother (Apr 22, 2008)

Tonight I added, "we never eat food out of the compost pile" to the rule book.


----------



## j_p_i (Sep 9, 2008)

DD, the dog's penis is not his tail. (The "where is the dog's tail?" game got retired pretty quickly around here!)

We do not brush the dog with our toothbrush, that goes in our mouth only.

We do not brush mommy with the toothbrush, either.

Mommy doesn't always want to smell your feet during nursies, honey (said with a toe up my nose...)


----------



## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DeerMother* 
Tonight I added, "we never eat food out of the compost pile" to the rule book.

uke


----------



## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

We don't put food we don't "like" on other's plates. (Especially half-chewed!)

On that note, we don't decide we don't like something before we try it.


----------



## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *sleepingbeauty*
> 
> We don't put food we don't "like" on other's plates. (Especially half-chewed!)
> 
> On that note, we don't decide we don't like something before we try it.


or on the table or on the edge of your placemat. Leave it on the EDGE of YOUR plate. You can do it. Just leave it there. Don't touch it. Now eat the rest of your dinner. Yum. You love curry chicken. No, just leave the bean where it is. It's ok.


----------



## Carlin (Oct 14, 2006)

DD is just about 18 months and we are just getting into this stage. :lol:

Most recently...

We don't drink from the toilet

We don't eat diaper cream off our bums.


----------



## bluebackpacks (Nov 5, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Vancouvercat*
> 
> No, your penis does not need to drink your milk too.


ROFLMA!!!!!!!!! Maybe he thought it looked like a good straw!


----------



## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

Diaper cream---

We do not stick our fingers into the newly-applied cream and smear it into the carpet.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Carlin*
> 
> DD is just about 18 months and we are just getting into this stage. :lol:
> 
> ...


----------



## Courtney-Ostaff (Dec 6, 2010)

We don't eat out of the trash can.

We wipe our butts with TP, not our shirt.

We eat the yogurt, the avacado does not.

We do not pour juice on the bed to paint with.


----------



## plantnerd (Aug 20, 2010)

We do not need the cable box and remotes under your crib

We do not pick other people's noses

We do not eat q-tips

We do not pull mommie's boob out of her shirt at the grocery store and cackle wildly


----------



## Rlin (Apr 9, 2010)

We do not wash our hands in the toilet

We do not try to close the cats eyes, she can manage this herself (from today)


----------



## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

We don't give library books a bath!


----------



## StrongFeather (Mar 13, 2009)

this thread is a lifesaver!

every time I have a mentally exhausting day, i come here and read.. and laugh until I cry.

thank Mommas!

Keep them coming!


----------



## Lucy Alden (Jun 15, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *plantnerd*
> We do not eat q-tips


Especially the used ones you found in the garbage!


----------



## Swandira (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *wookie*
> 
> We don`t drink out of mama`s peri bottle.
> 
> Well, at least let me wash it before you do


Old peri bottles do make the best bath toys ever, though.

Nealy

Mama to Thales, 8; Lydia, 4; and Odin, 2


----------



## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

DS is 11 months and I'm just entering this stage. Things that I had to say recently

We do not drink from the potty. We do not store toys in the potty.

We don't empty out a whole box of tissues at once


----------



## t2009 (Sep 1, 2009)

I am crying from laughing so hard!! Thanks!


----------



## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ubelle*
> 
> We do not:
> draw on our arms, hands, back, the floor or mommy's truck with markers - especially not sharpies.
> ...


you know for that sharpie, baby oil will take it off.....I use burts bees apricot! (see post in this thread "we do not draw cat whiskers on other people's faces" :lol)


----------



## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

Your newborn brother does not need to suck YOUR thumb, he has his own.

Carrying the baby is a grown-up job.

When your newborn brother is turning his head toward you and looks like he is trying to eat your shirt, it's time to give him back to mom.

and one for the baby :lol "no really, you can't suck your thumb and nurse at the same time. You have to choose, sorry."

(Our baby is 3 weeks old today!)


----------



## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

"your truck does not need to eat oatmeal" (DS2, age 2, is in LOVE with trucks. They go EVERYWHERE and do EVERYTHING with him. On this day, he informed me he was feeding his truck at breakfast...time to invest in a tiny truck size play gas pump? :lol)


----------



## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

We don't...

*shove Polly Pockets in the cat's butt!

*eat the catfood

*go into the neighbor's house while they aren't home, steal the candy canes off their Christmas tree, and then hide in the shower to eat them.

*put paper in our nose

*eat tomato soup with our hands

*draw eyeballs on our forehead with permanent marker

*put our fingers in our butthole

*put the cat in the woodstove (this one was about 5 minutes ago...good thing I didn't have a fire going)


----------



## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *peaceful_mama*
> 
> you know for that sharpie, baby oil will take it off.....I use burts bees apricot! (see post in this thread "we do not draw cat whiskers on other people's faces" :lol)


^ I'll remember this then! This also reminds me of another one. For the adults at my bst friend's house.

*We do not put the sharpies into the crayon box!!

(I walked in and W was coloring her nails with the blue sharpie. *facepalm*)

V hahahahahahaha!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Boudicca~*
> 
> We don't...
> 
> ...


----------



## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

Daddy's el camino is NOT a trampoline!

We do not touch the cat/dog's vulva/butthole


----------



## Eresh (Jul 17, 2007)

We do not bury the baby in a pile of stuffed animals. That was this morning.


----------



## bluebackpacks (Nov 5, 2010)

Please keep your tongue in your mouth for kisses!


----------



## zakdat (Mar 19, 2010)

From DH to DS1

"Your baby brother is not a ramp today. Nor will he be tomorrow. I know. I'm sad about it too."


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## littlegreenlady (Nov 24, 2009)

um ya

"The toilet seat belongs on the toilet, unscrewing it from the toilet to bi pass the child safety lock is pretty crafty. However it is heavy and you may hurt yourself trying to get at the water."

It took me ages to figure out how this toilet seat worked when it needed to be tightened, and yet my 14 mo figured it out in the few minutes I took brushing my teeth.


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## cdmommie (Aug 7, 2007)

We don't lick people's faces... or arms... or HAIR!

My 3 year old just started licking people. She licked my sisters face, arm, and hair yesterday at Christmas Lunch! And she thinks the reaction is hilarious.


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## myfairbabies (Jun 4, 2006)

Mommy won't nurse your baby doll in public.

We don't kiss strangers.


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## crabbyowl (May 6, 2008)

We don't take our pants off in public.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

This sounds like the time my oldest, who was SEVEN MONTHS OLD (I think) at the time unscrewed the bar that holds the screen door to the frame. I know for absolutely certain he was less than 10 months old because we moved out of that trailer when he was almost 11 months old. Even more amazing than the fact he took that apart----he did not EAT any of the things he removed! they were all there to put it back together!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *littlegreenlady*
> 
> um ya
> 
> ...


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## fyrwmn (Jan 5, 2009)

we do not brush our newborn brother's teeth...not only does he not have teeth, but he doesn't likeit

we do not steal the baby's blanket in the car

we do no ttake off our shoes and socks in the car and then throw them on the baby

nor do we throw our sippy cup on him

we do not try to nurse from the same side as the baby

we also do not need to knead the breast he is eating from when you nurse at the same time

we don't poke the baby in the eyes, or the nose, or the mouth

we don't try to pick up the baby

just leave the baby alone!


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

picking up the baby is a "grown up job"

Do not jump on my bed while I am trying to change your newborn brother's diaper on it.

No hands, feet, knees, etc near the baby's head.


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## mmmmochi (Dec 16, 2010)

After making little sausages wrapped in bacon for Christmas dinner, I had to remind ds 4 that his penis was not a sausage and could not, should not be wrapped in bacon too, nor should anyone be sitting at the dinner table in their underwear, or out of it!


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## sleepingbeauty (Sep 1, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mmmmochi*
> 
> After making little sausages wrapped in bacon for Christmas dinner, I had to remind ds 4 that his penis was not a sausage and could not, should not be wrapped in bacon too, nor should anyone be sitting at the dinner table in their underwear, or out of it!


HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA


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## lisavark (Oct 27, 2007)

We don't eat poop unless we're starving and there's nothing else to eat. DD tells me this every time she poops. It started because DH told her you CAN eat poop (he's into survivalist stuff and wants DD to be prepared; he's always telling her how to skin animals and eat bugs). I amended his statement to "only if we're starving! Which we're NOT!"


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## thatgirliknew (Dec 1, 2009)

We don't put Cheerios, or anything else, in other people's belly buttons.

We don't put little sister in a box.

We don't lick walls.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

LMAO I forgot about this thread!!


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Love this thread!!


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## mariee (Mar 4, 2012)

Ha ha! Love the trash cans one!! Have totally been there


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## Alasen (May 13, 2012)

"We don't pick our sister's scab!"


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## Casha'sMommy (Dec 16, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Alasen*
> 
> "We don't pick our sister's scab!"


OMG! LMAO


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

DC#2 is only 13 months so we don't have too many of these yet but...

"We don't pee on mama's cell phone," is a new rule in our house.


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## PoetryLover (Jan 8, 2009)

We don't pee on the groceries.

I had to say that a few months ago.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

We don't pee in the corner of the bedroom, nor do we laugh at your brother while he's doing it


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

you cannot whine to Mom if the baby calls you a bad name or tells you to shut up. YOU said it in front of him, YOU taught him it.


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## RStelle (Jul 12, 2011)

These are so great!

"We do not lick the cat"

"We don't let the cat lick your snack"

"Cat food is for cats, not for people"

Are some I've been saying a lot this week.


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## tooraloora (Oct 15, 2010)

You may not rub your penis on the cabinets.

You may not rub your penis on Mama.

You may not stick your penis in Mama's belly button, no matter how hilarious you think that is.

We do not put the baby in the washing machine.

We don't put him in the dryer either.

We do not put our toys in the dogs' water bowl.

We do not put other people's toys in the dogs' water bowl.

We do not put ourselves in the dogs' water bowl.

You may not put your penis in the dogs' water bowl. I don't care if it is a boat. Stop it.

No one but DS may tickle his testicles.

We do not touch anyone's penis but our own. Not even the dogs'. I don't care if you don't have your own, it still applies.

We do not kiss Mama with tongue.

We do not kiss the baby with tongue.

We just don't kiss with tongue period until we're all grown up.

We do not throw people's shoes in the pool. We certainly do not collect and throw *everyone's* shoes in the pool.

Pee goes in the potty, not in bowls, not in boxes, not on the table, the doggy bed, the Mama bed, the Mama, or the Sissy.


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## mariee (Mar 4, 2012)

"We do not shovel our penis with mom's garden trowel."


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## Alphaghetti (May 26, 2005)

My kids aren't toddlers, but a few recent ones that have been told to my daycare toddlers:

We don't hand our friends our boogers.

We don't drop kick the realtor.

My most favourite, and repeated so often lately that I've made a song about it - We don't eat our friends.


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## mamapigeon (Dec 16, 2010)

"We don't feed the cats cheerios in bed." or anywhere, I guess...


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh my, this is the best thread ever LOL.
A few of our own:

We do not pick mommy's nose while nursing (or at all).
We do not take our shoes off in the carseat and place them in the cup holders.
We may not have any of Grandpa's beer, regardless of how cute we are or how big we smile.
Kitty is not a stool or a pillow.
Kitty's water fountain is not a splash pad.
We do not stick our entire arm up to our shoulder into mommy's water bottle.
The potty bowl is neither a hat nor a snack, especially while full.
We do not play with our vulva while peeing on the potty and expect a high five for a job well done before washing our hands.
We do not attempt to twist off Grandma's nose; she needs it.
Daddy's underpants do not make fashionable hats.
... and the list goes on. She's 14 months lol


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## AndreaOlson (Apr 8, 2011)

Heard lately ---

We cannot barbecue every single thing we cook.

No one threw away the baby's teeth. It just hasn't come out yet. Please do not look for it in the trash.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

We don't put our feet in mamas food.


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## VocalMinority (Apr 8, 2009)

If you simply must pee outside, we don't do it in the middle of the deck or on the front step.

Today: We don't buy ice cream before we go, if we're leaving the playground early because you spat on another kid.


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## Bluettes (Jun 10, 2012)

- We don't paint with our pee (newly potty trained 2yo DD about to put her paintbrush in her potty)

- We don't put Play-doh in our butts (after showing her how to make imprints of our finger nails, hands and noses)

- We don't use Mama's toothbrush to pedicure our toenails


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## luckiest (Apr 29, 2009)

Ha, I'm laughing at how many of these my 18mo does that either don't give me pause or that I think is funny - peeing in the dog's water bowl, underwear on the head, zzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ GHV UBNUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGUGGGGGGDT


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## luckiest (Apr 29, 2009)

Ok, how about "We don't bang on the laptop when mama gets up to pee"?


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## tillymonster (May 12, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ScarletBegonias*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


Oh dear me. My DD does half the things you mention here. The barfing thing is the WORST. I was crying and I was laughing so hard. I mean really? Spitting out food is so damn gross and it's DDs newest activity.

"we don't draw marker on the cat"

"I know it's washable but we still don't!"

"we don't eat jellybeans out of the flower beds"

"we don't touch mamas pimples because it hurts"

(yes, I get huge ones after ovulation, I'm so lucky!!!)

Really tho! Toddlers are strange creatures! Love em!


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## Amanda1 (Jan 4, 2011)

I've been reading this post for awhile and I finally have a great one to add 

From 2 y/o DS yesterday:

" No , your penis is NOT hungry, you do not need to feed it your popcorn"

I had to remember to not eat popcorn out of his bowl after this started....ewwwwwww


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