# Mothers Day



## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

I just want to send my support and love to all of you. I know tomorrow will be a VERY hard day on many of you. I remember well my first mothers day after I lost Amanda. I felt so empty. Was I a mother? or was I 'almost' a mother?

Please know you ARE ALL MOTHERS! The moment you conceived your children you became their mother. You wrapped them in the warmth of your womb and nurtured them in a way ONLY a mother could. Having read every post here I can feel the deep love you all have for your babies.

Does everyone have a plan for tomorrow? Try to keep things as quiet as possible for yourselves. Maybe plan a quiet bath with Lavender - a quiet time to reflect and give yourselves time to grieve and reflect.

If you do have living children, again, try to keep things quiet and simple. Maybe lunch someplace small and quiet, a family movie, brunch that you can snack off all day, picnic in the park.

I always wear my charm bracelet that I made with things that remind me of my miscarried babies and my locket with a picture of Amanda and her birth/death date on it. I also light a candle to burn all day in honor of the babies I've lost.

I will be around off and on tomorrow if anyone needs me you can pm or email me at [email protected] . All of you mamma's will be in my thoughts tomorrow









*Childless Mother*
The childless mother wakes slowly
Savoring the numbness of mourning.

She pretends not to remember
that today is Mother's Day


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Sometimes, I forget I'm the mother of 2.....or I guess technically 3......

Tracy is the light of my life at this point.....dh bought me roses and a ring for Mothers Day...which he caved and gave me early







I'm going to get it engraved with our babies initials!

Anyway, we have a mother/daughter banquet tongith at church...I'm NOt inthe mood to go at all...but dh has to be there to do music and such so I'm going anyway...just taking my ds with me


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## naturegirl (Apr 16, 2002)

I guess I haven't really thought about myself too much for this mother's day. Reading the posts has made me think about my loss again and I realize I am not "okay".







I am planning on a lunch with my husband and his parents. Hopefully I will be able to keep it together while I am with them.

I am trying to be very positive about this day also and have been thinking, next year I will be getting the gifts! Hoping to look like this:bf by next mother's day. I would even be happy with







.








You are all wonderful, perfect, amazing women!


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Naturegirl, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! You are a mother and deserve to be acknowledged as one.







Your baby lives in your heart and always will









IOF, it will be a strange day for you -







's for you too. You'll be in my thoughts.


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## Clarity (Nov 19, 2001)

Last year was my "first" mothers day...all these people gave me cards. But of course they didn't the year before, right after ds was born still. Makes me angry. And so far I just can't get into mother's day, even though I love dd.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Clarity, I TOTALLY understand







On my first Mothers day (5 months after dd was born still) I had one friend come over with flowers for me. It touched me so deeply.

I did get a lot of comments like "maybe next year you'll be a mother" It hurt so badly!

Instead of looking at Mothers day as a celebration for mothers, I try to look at it as a day to BE a mother. All I want to do is go to the park and play with my kids. I just want a total day where I can relax with them. That's made the day more of a treat for me.


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## jannan (Oct 30, 2002)

all i can do is say thank you and cry.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by naturegirl_
*Reading the posts has made me think about my loss again and I realize I am not "okay".







*
I know. I have days where I feel fine. I don't think about it a lot or at all...but lately...I realize how hard this can be to "deal with" I know other women have had m/c that I see everyday...but they all had children or got pg soon after, or tried after...... Not me. I feel like I'm the "only" one who has done this. I feel like they don't really understand.

I think some of it is that I know their parenting views and that none of them when referring to a m/c refers to the baby...just the pregnancy. I know they were all upset when it happened...but I don't know...I just feel like they don't get it.

The other day my mom said, "Well, I know it was sad and hard..but don't you think it was easier that way?" I just cried and cried...of course we were on the phone. NO It ISN"T EASIER! Ppl assume because ds was only 5 months old that I would have been relieved...but I was crushed. I was so excited to find out about the second baby and even dh was excited.....

I don't know...I guess I'm jsut back to thinking it is completely unfair!

It is unfair to all of us who want babies. You see the tv shows of ppl who had children and didn't want them so they beat them, abandon them, emotionally abuse them...WHY DO THOSE PPL HAVE CHILDREN! Why were they given the chance to carry and birth a baby that I would lOVE to have. That I would cherish and raise to be a wonderful loving human being.

Sorry......I think I'm done now......well for now anyway


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

IOF, when Amanda was born still I got comments like "at least she didn't live", "arent you glad she died before you got to know her" and such.

Then with my miscarriages I got "at least you didn't have to give birth again" and "wasn't it easier like this".

Let me tell you, neither was easy. With my miscarried babies I didn't even know the sex. It was hard to say goodby when I didn't even know who I was saying goodby to. With Amanda, I lost a dream that I'd had for a very long time. Neither loss was easier than the other. Each had it's own story of greif behind it.


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I jut wish ppl knew when to keep their nouths shut!

I know my mom didn't mean anything by it...and it would have been hard having 2 so close togather...but no it wasn't easier to lose my child.....

anyway....


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

Yes, I've also had a few of those "At least it's easier that he died before birth..." There is no place for that word, because there is no aspect of loss that is "easy". It's so very insulting and insensitive.

Ms. Mom, thanks so much for posting about Mother's Day. Today is exactly six months since Kevin's death, and with tomorrow being Mother's Day, I have definitely been feeling the double-whammy. I finally came up with how I want to spend tomorrow, though. I went and bought food for a special picnic and my husband, living children, and I are going to drive out to the cemetery where Kevin is buried (1 1/2 hours away). I found five pink tulips, so each of us can say something and place a tulip on his grave, and I found a cute balloon, too. We'll stop at a park on the way and enjoy the picnic, then go and spend time at the cemetery, so I can be near all of my children on Mother's Day. It felt good to be in the store buying those things, because I was planning the day how I want it, and not going to a family dinner or anything like that.

Although, I've been fighting a migraine all weekend, so maybe I'll just end up in bed all day tomorrow! (Having a migraine again indicates to me how much I'm really struggling with these two days.)

Love to all you moms,
Katherine


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Katherine~~ I cannot think of a sweeter way for your family to spend Mother's Day..... enjoy your day...

Happy Mothers Day everyone!


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Katherine, I think of you so often. 6 months after losing Kevin you're so fresh in your greif.

It sounds like you've planned a special day. I think it feels good doing these things because it's the only way you have left to 'mother' Kevin.

Take care of that headache. Maybe some Evening Primrose and Flax Sead Oil to balance your hormones and emotions will help? A warm bath with some wonderful aromas and some herbal tea to sip slowly.

For all of you, have a gentle mothers day and know that your babies can feel the deep love you have for them.


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## carmen veranda (Jan 27, 2003)

Thank you. Such a bittersweet day. I wish I could know my baby, who would be 19 this summer. So long ago, and still so fresh.


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## ellery (Apr 24, 2003)

im a mother of 2 one is up above even if they arent here physically they are always with u you will never forget them. What doesnt kill u makes u stronger. U are all wonderful mothersIty should be a happy day be grateful u had them as ling as u did even if they didnt get to be on the earth.


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## naturegirl (Apr 16, 2002)

I would just like to thank you for the acknowledgement of me as a mother. It meant a lot to me







I was a little upset that my dh didn't even think about it. And my mil had a mother's day gift for my dog, but not a word to me. Probably better that way as I would have started







if she did...

Thank you and Happy Mother's Day


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

Thank you for aknowledging the bittersweetness of yesterday. I found that by focusing only on the moment, not thinking a minute ahead or behind, that I was able to get thorugh it. With Dh in Korea, and the first MD after my daughter was born still, I had been dreading it all week. I wore my "Baby Sam" pin and got to tell ds about her all over again, which is strangely soothing. Dh sent me flowers, had to call the florist all the way from Korea







Ds and I had a low key day playing and just being.

Today was more difficult as I had to go shopping for a baby shower for a lady at church. Try as I might to not to be jealous and have hard feelings, I am not succeeding very well. It would be easier if she had had a boy...but not much.

Carrie


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

We ended up spending the day doing a couple different things. Dh made us lunch and we laid around in bed playing with ds...and the sweetest thing about that is that we have never done that before. It was so sweet to watch tracy crawl up and lay across dh's chest and just laugh and laugh.

Then we went to the beach! I can't believe we went to the beach in bathing suits in May! We played in the water and watched another beautiful family. they had 2 toddlers and she was about 6 months pg....so cute..dh just looked at them and smiled.....

It was a wdonerful day! not to mention the fun "after" ds went to bed


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## naotalba (May 29, 2002)

Thank you so much for posting this. I feel so alone sometimes, like if anyone does remember, it's just to wonder why I haven't gotten over it. Damn it, this was supposed to be my first mother's day! I was supposed to be getting teased by my friends while I felt a baby kick, and planning a baby shower for this weekend.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

naotalba, I'm sending you my love and thoughts Mamma. It was your first Mothers Day. I'm so sorry it was filled with greif.


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