# Your opinion please



## female18- (Jun 8, 2007)

Which do you think is better and why?

Having children young (18-28), and focusing on your education and career later once your kids are all in school etc.

OR

Focusing on your education and career when you're young, and having kids at an older age. (29-30s+)


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## female18- (Jun 8, 2007)

No ones replying


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

I guess mine is from personal experience and of course, everyone's situation is different. I was young when I had my kids. Having worked in RE, I know MANY couples who wished they would have had children sooner when the chances were higher.


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

Is there a reason you're asking? LOL

I chose the only one I have experience with...but that's by CHOICE!







To me, having children and being a mom IS a career...and frankly, the only one I feel is worth it (for me).


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. Always. Since I was 12. As it worked out, I had a really, really fun and full life for several decades, dated a lot, traveled, sowed pretty much all my wild oats. Then at age 30 I went back to school and got a degree and a real job. Finally, at 40 I got my real dream of becoming a wife and mother. I really do feel like I've had it all.

I think if you have your kids later in life, you are more ready for it . . . if you've had to wait for a while, due to circumstances or fertility challenges, you (or at least I) appreciate it more and find the little things less annoying. I see a lot of young moms get really wrapped up over the most inconsequential crap that would never even cause a blip on my irritation radar.

My one caveat, don't wait so long that fertility can become a stumbling block. After 35 it gets harder and harder to conceive.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

My personal choice was to find a balance between career and having children. I wanted to finish my university studies before having children, but I didn't want to wait until I had a well-established career, this would have taken too long. I voted that "it's better" (in my opinion, of course) to be a young mom, but I believe that having children at 18-19-20 is way too young.
Also, I chose to have children before 30 or 35, to avoid fertility or health issues that may occur later in life.
Just my opinion.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

Well for me, I never actually got an education. I finished high school and then took off and lived in Costa Rica for my early 20's. I sowed my wild oats and fully enjoyed my "youth", while learning so much about life and people. I am 29 now and back in Canada. My son is 2 months old and my dh and I were so ready for him to join us. For me it worked out that waiting till my late 20's was the right time to start a family. Getting an academic education was never as important to me as starting a family when I was emotionally and spiritually ready.


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

I just don't like being judged by age (as far as when people should be able to have kids).







:

I struggled to get pregnant, too. Not as much as some, but being young and having difficulty conceiving and staying pregnant sure is an experience in itself when most everyone around you (age range) gets pregnant at the drop of the hat.


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## female18- (Jun 8, 2007)

Because Im writing a paper on it







:

I had ds when I was 14, hes 4 now.

Thanks for your replies







anyone else please post your opinions here, thanks.


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *female18-* 
Because Im writing a paper on it







:

I had ds when I was 14, hes 4 now.

Thanks for your replies







anyone else please post your opinions here, thanks.

Ooh! Sounds fun!







Good luck with it!!


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

In an ideal world, 27-32 sounds good to me.

I had my first at 24, and wish i had sown a few more seeds. I also wish I had worked more (career-wise), as I had just graduated University.
I was also quite nervous with my first, and felt I had something to prove????

With my 2nd (age 26) and 3rd (age 30) I was more relaxed.

I am 35 and thinking of a fourth, but have some reservation about having a child later in life. I am kind-of thinking, if I am going to do it, I should do it now.









PS....I think my career has been impacted more by having 3 kids and being AP, rather than the age at which I had them


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transylvania_mom* 
My personal choice was to find a balance between career and having children. I wanted to finish my university studies before having children, but I didn't want to wait until I had a well-established career, this would have taken too long. I voted that "it's better" (in my opinion, of course) to be a young mom, but I believe that having children at 18-19-20 is way too young.
Also, I chose to have children before 30 or 35, to avoid fertility or health issues that may occur later in life.
Just my opinion.

I was a mother at 17. I do not consider me to have been way too young. I was experienced from raising 3 brothers and taking care of a house. I was more responsible then than most parents I know IRL today. Please don't judge someone on their age. I found myself to be more flexible, open minded, and patient then than I do even today now that I am getting older.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1babysmom* 
I just don't like being judged by age (as far as when people should be able to have kids).







:

I struggled to get pregnant, too. Not as much as some, but being young and having difficulty conceiving and staying pregnant sure is an experience in itself when most everyone around you (age range) gets pregnant at the drop of the hat.









:
I had a myomectomy and the scarring was so extensive I was told I would NEVER be able to have children at age 16. I was pregnant soon after. My babies are miracles no matter what my age was.


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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1babysmom* 
Is there a reason you're asking? LOL

I chose the only one I have experience with...but that's by CHOICE!







To me, having children and being a mom IS a career...and frankly, the only one I feel is worth it (for me).

Couldn't have said it better







.

I got pregnant the first time at 20, a few months after getting married, lost that baby. I was a foster parent at the age of 21 (one of the youngest in the state), and loved every minute of it. So I think having/taking care of kids is one of the most important things you can do in life. And I don't for a second feel like I should have taken more "me" time.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dnw826* 
I was a mother at 17. I do not consider me to have been way too young. I was experienced from raising 3 brothers and taking care of a house. I was more responsible then than most parents I know IRL today. Please don't judge someone on their age. I found myself to be more flexible, open minded, and patient then than I do even today now that I am getting older.


By no means am I judging. I'm not saying that a 27 or a 37 year-old woman is a better or a more responsible parent than a 17 year-old woman. I'm just saying that IN MY OPINION at 17-20 years old, a person has so many things to experience and live without the added responsibility of having to meet a child's needs.
Again, just my opinion (this is a thread entitled "your opinion, please", if I'm not mistaken), I'm not judging anyone.


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

cant vote because IMO it different for everyone.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kathymuggle* 

With my 2nd (age 26) and 3rd (age 30) I was more relaxed.


I bet that was more a function of them being your second and third than your age. You would have been more relaxed even if you were younger just because you'd already done it successfully, don't you think?

Quote:


I am 35 and thinking of a fourth, but have some reservation about having a child later in life.

Again, IMO, it's more the number of kids that would worry me than the "later in life" age. I had my first when I was about to turn 39. I seem to recall them oh-so-delicatly referring to me as a Geriatric Maternity. Nice. Anyhoo, having him at this advanced age was no sweat . . . in fact, it's perfect. But having four?????!!!!! Oy. Yeah, I'd have some reservations.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I think younger is better in many ways. It seems so unnatural to me that we wait so long to ttc. I think it is a big factor in the rise of 'infertility.'


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thismama* 
It seems so unnatural to me that we wait so long to ttc. I think it is a big factor in the rise of 'infertility.'

I hear what you're saying, and largely I do agree. It is a fairly recent phenomenon that women make the choice to put career first and leave starting a family to the back burner. And often later is too late.

However . . . for lots of women, a late start IS the natural course for them. In my case, I've wanted a kid since I was 12. There was no career standing between me and motherhood, just timing; I didn't meet the right man till I was 36. I'd much rather face a fertility challenge than trying to raise a child with the wrong man or alone.

When you see an "old" mom like me, don't assume we had to make it to the top of the Corporate Ladder before considering kids. Sometimes it's just fate.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

A lot of my friends are "old" moms. I am not passing harsh judgment on them, or on you!! Most of my friends who had children later are very socioeconomically privileged though. And lesbian, which I think is relevant because even ten years ago lesbians here couldn't get married, easily adopt, or do insem via a sperm bank. So the lesbian baby boom is really starting now.

Personally I'd rather raise a child alone than possibly face infertility later. It's not a risk I'm willing to chance any further than I already have. Which is why I became a single mama at 26 and am currently working on ttc my second, completely solo via donor insem, at 30.

I think it is personal choice to an extent. But I also look at the adoption industry, which I see as being pretty corrupt, and notice the trend of younger women giving up their biological babies often due to desperation and lack of support, to older couples who are infertile but have money to finance adoption.

Things that make me go hmmm. It's more a meta-criticism of a trend I see though, not a criticism of individual mothers whatever their ages.


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen* 
However . . . for lots of women, a late start IS the natural course for them. In my case, I've wanted a kid since I was 12. There was no career standing between me and motherhood, just timing; I didn't meet the right man till I was 36. I'd much rather face a fertility challenge than trying to raise a child with the wrong man or alone.

When you see an "old" mom like me, don't assume we had to make it to the top of the Corporate Ladder before considering kids. Sometimes it's just fate.

















I'd never judge you for that! In fact, I think that's wonderful. Personally, I think babies NEED to be born into stable 2-parent (for *me* that also means man and woman) families, and so that would be a "prereq" for *me*, too.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1babysmom* 
Personally, I think babies NEED to be born into stable 2-parent (for *me* that also means man and woman) families, and so that would be a "prereq" for *me*, too.

Of course we all should do what feels right for us and what we deem best for our child, but for the record, some of the best kids I know were raised in stable two mother families. A man is definitely NOT required.


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen* 
Of course we all should do what feels right for us and what we deem best for our child, but for the record, some of the best kids I know were raised in stable two mother families. A man is definitely NOT required.

That's not what I believe...which is precisely why I was saying for "me." All I was trying to do was show support for you when you said "I didn't meet the right man till I was 36. I'd much rather face a fertility challenge than trying to raise a child with the wrong man or alone."


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I feel going to college and starting a career should be done first. That way, after you have kids, you will have a way to support them if something happens to your partner (death/disability/divorce). You also don't have to worry about studying and going to class when you have a little one(s) then. It worked out well for me this way. I had my first at 27 and will deliver my second at 29.

Many finish college at 22-23 years old, and then you can work a couple of years and still be fairly young to have kids. (25-26? thats still young, right?) Having a career doesn't mean you have to wait until 35+ to have kids. (unless, of course, you have fertility problems)

My mother had kids before a career. She was always busy studying when we were little. Then, she was so focused on her career and getting it started that we didn't see much of her. I didn't want to do that to my kids.

Now, if I had reason to believe my fertility was going to be compromised, I would have chosen children when I was younger. Better young and unprepared than never, even if it isn't an ideal situation.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1babysmom* 
That's not what I believe...which is precisely why I was saying for "me."

Yeah, I agree that we all have to do what is best, but I just can't let a homophobic notion like that slide without clarifying my opinion.

You might want to just take a second to consider something: What if one of your children grows up to discover he or she is gay. It would be tragic if somehow s/he'd gotten the idea that s/he's not perfect, and perfectly able to parent. Just give the mindset some thought.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

I voted for be a young mom because you just can't take fertility for granted. Also, you never know what interests you'll develop after becoming a mom. It changes you and you could end up not liking your career after having children. But, a stable home-life is also important for children, so assuming that's in place, having them young is a good thing IMO.

Lisa


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## 1babysmom (May 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen* 
Yeah, I agree that we all have to do what is best, but I just can't let a homophobic notion like that slide without clarifying my opinion.

You might want to just take a second to consider something: What if one of your children grows up to discover he or she is gay. It would be tragic if somehow s/he'd gotten the idea that s/he's not perfect, and perfectly able to parent. Just give the mindset some thought.









You don't need to do any "name calling." Just because of my beliefs regarding family doesn't make me a "homophobe." I'm sort of regretting that I made an effort to show support of your decision...I didn't come here to argue my beliefs vs. someone else's. I never said mine were right and someone else's were wrong. Let's discontinue this discussion...it's not helping the OP out at all.


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## marieangela (Apr 15, 2003)

I couldn't really answer the poll. What exactly is young? I still get occassional comments on how young I am to have two children. Maybe I just don't look 32. I had my first at 27 and my second at 30. I went to college, travelled across the country, lived in a new place and then travelled around Western Europe before settling back down in my hometown. I'm certainly glad I did those things. I don't know when I'll be able to start travelling again and it will certainly be different with children. I didn't consider myself old to be having children when I did and I also didn't start a career first. My situation is ideal for me, but I can see how different choices work better for different people.


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## BluePhoenixMama (Jan 31, 2007)

I don't think in life things are ever this black or white. For e.g., I wish I could have started having children sooner, I always knew that motherhood was for me, but I didn't meet my life partner until I was 30... Then we both went to business school, he started a business while I had to support us both, and then when we started trying it took a while (and FTR, I didn't think I was all that old at 32) we had a couple of m/c's. So here I am at 37, with one child, and just got my first PPAF b/c DD continues to nurse at least 5 times in a 24 hour period, and I feel time is running out on me (I'd like 3 children, ideally). But it was not really a "career or kids" first decision, it was life.


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## sphinxie (Feb 28, 2006)

I think it depends.

If one's life is already working out well at a young age--a decent flexible career, and/or a very reliable DP, and generally a stable life, I think it's great to have kids early. It's the choice that's the most compatible with our biological nature after all. At a younger age you're still a little bit closer to childhood, still have the youthful advantage with health, etc.

OTOH there are benefits to waiting as well, especially if life hasn't settled down yet--it gives you more time to figure things out and start to build that good foundation for life, things that can be done with kids, but it's a little more challenging. Also you can get a little extra maturity in, which matters more for some people than others









Personally I'd generally like to have kids ASAP, but I'm waiting while DH and I get some stuff figured out.


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## MadWorldSonnet (Jun 15, 2007)

For me, I wanted to have all my kids early. I had my son when I was in 11th grade. I would have loved to have been TTCing when I graduated HS(or shortly thereafter), then TTC 2-3 years after _that_ baby was born. I had wanted to be finished having babies by the time I was 23, 24 or so.

Well, DS is an only child, I'm in my mid 20s, and not even close to being in a relationship with ANYONE, let alone someone I'd like to procreate with. Crap happens. Sure isn't the way I'd have wanted it.

And no, to me, 25, 26, etc is not a young mother. (not old either, just not young).

I'm seriously considering making a withdrawl at a sperm bank if I have no serious prospects within the next 18-24mos.


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## goodheartedmama (Feb 1, 2007)

my choice is not one in your poll--but I don't plan on ever having a "career". I will be homeschooling our children.


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## sadiejane08 (Jul 21, 2007)

Just to add some food for thought: in the Netherlands (where I live as a transplanted American) a young mother is one who has her first baby at 30. Most women here wait until their 30s to start having children, and everything between 30 and 40 is a "normal" age to have kids. And over 40 is not seen as particularly "old".

The concept of job-sharing and part-time work is much stronger here, too. As a result, most women work full-time for several years before having kids. Many of them then continue to work part-time (but many also stay at home). So the career-vs-kids issue is not *as* black and white here.


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## ecoteat (Mar 3, 2006)

I didn't vote because I can't make that generalization. My parents startef their family young, and they had their kids out of the house and their mortgage paid off and having tons of fun themselves in their mid-40s. Mom just turned 50 and has 2 grandchildren and is so happy.

But I had my daughter at 30, after establishing my career and having fun with my dh and creating the home that we want to raise our family in. That is what works for us. There are pros and cons to both situations.


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## DucetteMama21842 (May 11, 2006)

First off, to each his own.

Here was one of my biggest reasons. I felt if I had kids young and SLOWLY continued my education throughout.. it would be better for my family. I want to have all my stuff taken care of and "retired" at a much younger age because I want to be young and energetic and a very active part in the lives of my grandchildren. I didn't get that with my grandmother because she was so old, and I honestly felt sad for it.

Plus, I didn't want to run the risk of NOT being able to get pregnant, and I feel I'm a more confident, educated, improved career person SINCE having kids. I can stand up for what I know is right and work to the point of exhaustion. I also understand things about others and life that never occurred to me before.


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## zjande (Nov 4, 2002)

Well I can't vote because I think it's so different for everyone. But for myself, I had kids at 16, 24, 31 & now I'm pregnant at 33 so I've pretty much always had kids.







My dream was always to be a mom, never to "have a career". My "career plan" from here on out is to homeschool my kids & take care of my home.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

career/education/life experiences first, kids second. Like a PP said, things don't irritate an older, wiser, more patient mommy as much.

In my case, I skipped the career and education, and just spent a lot of years gaining life expereinces and growing as a person before I had my babies.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

It's a tossup- depends on each individual situation- but I have to say I'm leaning towards "be a young mom, have a career later" because I've known too many people who went for the career and later when they wanted to get pregnant, had a hard time because of their age. I had my son when I was 18 and I've always wanted more children. Now, at 31, I'm being told that I most likely will not be able to have another child (long story, in short, my body seems to think it's 35-40). My lifelong dream was to be a Mommy, since I was old enough to talk. If I had not had my son when I did, if I had gone straight to college and then gotten a job like I'd planned, I would never have been a Mommy.


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## female18- (Jun 8, 2007)

Very interesting reading everyones replies and opinions.


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## BurtsGirl (Dec 9, 2006)

I also chose the one that corelated to my personal experience. I wasn't ready to have kids at a young age. I wanted to live my life to the fullest without being tied down. I went to school, got the degree (because it's easier and faster to go to college when you're right out of high school and don't have children), and got a good job. I can say that I've been there. I plan to be a SAHM when we have our first. And I think the skills and knowledge I gained in school and the work place and the maturity level I've been able to grow into will certainly help me mange and navigate motherhood to the best of my ability. I also won't feel like I'm missing out on my career because I've been there, done that. Again this is just my personal opinion from my own personal experience.


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## VeganCupcake (Jun 13, 2007)

Like several PPs say, I don't think it's possible to say what's "better" on a grand scale. There are reasons for making either choice--life often just "happens".

I wouldn't have minded having children in my 20s--in fact, I probably would have, had I met someone who would have been a suitable partner. (I didn't want to--and still don't want to--raise children alone--but admire those who do.)

But I went through a series of major personal transformations in my beliefs, actions, and activities in my mid- to late-20s, which included major dietary changes, a discovery of the wonders of exercise, an abundance of international travel, and learning about a lot of ideas I had never encountered before.

Could I have done all this with children? I suppose yes, I could have. But it probably would have been much more complicated, and maybe my attentions would have been focused elsewhere and I wouldn't have even thought to make the changes. Does it really matter? It only does to me now--it wouldn't if it hadn't happened.


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

I'm kind odf in the middle. I went to school first and had my first at age 26 while in an internship.


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