# Looking for support -- 2nd trimester loss



## bluebunny (Jul 14, 2006)

I gave birth to my son Joey on October 3. He was almost 19 weeks. Ultrasound that morning showed no heartbeat. I was induced and he was born that evening. It looked to be a cord accident.

We have two living children, DS is almost four and DD will be two in December. Fortunately, they keep me busy during the day but nighttime is so difficult.

We definitely want a third living child but I don't know when I will feel like TTC again. Right now it is impossible to imagine being pregnant again or even getting on that TTC rollercoaster. DH says he can't even think about it.

It's only been five days but I feel like I will never be "normal" again.


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## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)

I am sorry


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Hugs to you, bluebunny.








I am so sorry for your loss of Joey.
Over time, you will learn to live with your new "normal"
that all of us loss mamas face.

As for TTC again, I think it's different for each of us.
Take all the time you need to grieve and begin to heal.
You will know when the right time for you is.

Em


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## MotherMama (Mar 31, 2008)

I am so sorry that you lost Joey.


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## Mamax3 (Nov 21, 2001)

I am sorry that you lost Joey. I know your pain, I too had an 18 week loss. I am thinking of you.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so sorry you are going through this mama. I lost my daughter in a very similar situation not too long ago. It's terrible.....and no, you will never be normal again. You will always be the mama of your sweet baby boy Joey. And you have to go on every day without him.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bluebunny* 
We have two living children, DS is almost four and DD will be two in December. Fortunately, they keep me busy during the day but nighttime is so difficult.

This is exactly what I went through too. The days were busy, but as soon as the kids were in bed I couldn't controll my emotions. I was literally up all night crying. I rarely fell asleep,
Eventually you will stop crying every day, and you will have good days again. This is your grief process. You need to let yourself feel however you need to, weather it's sad, angry, lost, weak....whatever. Don't let people tell you that you need to be strong, they have no idea what they are talking about.
If you feel like talking, find someone who will just listen. (This is a good place to be for that) If you don't feel like talking, make sure you are doing what you need to to avoid people and situations that will make you uncomfortable.
I wanted to ttc as soon as my body was ready. It was also very emotional and it just kind of felt wrong.....but so did not having my baby anymore.
I will always have an empty place in my life and heart for my daughter, I think about her constantly.
Don't worry about getting through each day, just take it one minute at a time. Grief is uncontrollable and will sneak up on you at any given time. Please be gentle with yourself.


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## RABITGRL (Sep 3, 2008)

bluebunny







so sorry you lost Joey
You and your dh should take all the time you need to grieve before ttc again. I lost my little girl at 24 weeks this past July. I was a serious mess for a while and am not normal by the standards I used to have, her loss has changed me as a person.
But it does get easier with time. I still miss my little one, I still think about her everyday. However I can honestly say I am happy now, I can function normally now, and get through the day without crying.
Right now you are in the thick of it and it is so hard. Be gentle with yourself. Do whatever you can to take care of you right now.
This is a great place to share how you are feeling, but it might also be good to find a support group in your area if you think that would help. Just know that you are not alone, and that the women here understand and are very supportive.
You and your family are in my thoughts


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## MommyinMN (Oct 18, 2007)

I am so sorry for you loss.

I lost my son at almost 17 weeks due to what looked to be a cord accident as well. It was such a shock. I had been feeling him move all weekend so when I went to my early morning appt I felt the world crash down on me when my dr couldn't find the heartbeat. I ended up needing a d&e. which didn't happen for 5 days. Once that was over with I was able to start the healing process. I think it was a good 2 weeks before I stopped crying everyday and 6-8 before simple things stopped bringing me to tears. After about a month I knew I wanted to TTC again. We waited another cycle to be sure. No one can tell you when you will be reasy to start thinking about TTC or when your grieving is done. I know while I have accepted the loss of my son and I am at peace with it I will never be the same again.


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)




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## Tellera (Oct 28, 2005)

(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry for your loss. Nights are incredibly difficult.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I am so sorry. We lost our son at 14 weeks on the 6th. I've never been so heartbroken and I also feel like I am moving through quicksand. You are in my thoughts, mama.


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## somanyjoys (Mar 14, 2006)

I'm so sorry you lost your baby boy. Your experience sounds similar to what I experienced. I think I felt more comfortable letting out my sorrow when I was alone (like in the bathtub). If you have a pregnancy loss support group in your area, that can be a good place to talk and not feel so alone.


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## shibababy (Feb 27, 2003)

I gave birth to my son on 10/04. He was 23 weeks, too early. I have allowed myself to grieve however I want and make no excuses for how I feel minute to minute.

I want to try as soon as possible. I did have lots of testing done. I had preterm labor and I think it's a strong possiblity that it was due to an infection. So, I know that I should at least wait until I get testing results back and help/medication/antibiotics from a perinatologist, but it's so hard.

DH says he doesn't want to TTC. He doesn't want to bring another baby into the world just to have it die. As if it's inevitable. I'm optomistic though. Besides, he has many biological children. I don't have any. I know it comes from pain, but I just hear that he doesn't care enough.

Time is my greatest enemy now. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to.


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## Maidenwisdom (Mar 16, 2006)

I just lost my 3rd on 10/16. Still discovering how I feel about it. Our other DDs are 5 & 3. I knew something was wrong for weeks but was hoping I was just overthinking it. It was almost a relief to have the worring over. I am not sure why I did not go to the midwifes earlier, I just figured if I have miscarried there would be some sign...NO SIGNS! Until the dopple at our midwife appt. didn't find a heart beat and the US confirmed it. We had a D&E. I am not sure how I feel about that now, but at the time I was terrified of laboring, and then possibly needing a d&c on top of it all.


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## usmcwfe (Aug 17, 2006)

I had a d and e yesterday morning after losing my baby. I was 14wk5d, and the baby measured 13 weeks roughly. They couldn't find the heartbeat at our routine appt so they sent me to get an ultrasound. I was shocked when I saw my beautiful baby on the screen but without movement or heartbeat. It was like a dream. Yesterday was hard but I think I was numb from all of the drugs. Today I feel like I was hit by a car and I feel like the ground is crumbling underneath me. My whole body hurts and I go from feeling normal to absoulely devastated. I'm trying to be patient with my 4dd and 18mondd. But I'm finding myself losing patience. This is such a strange mixture of emotions, anger, grief, guilt, etc. I'm so sorry to all of the mamas out there going through this. Hugs to all of you, you are all in my prayers and i hope we can all find comfort somehow.


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## joeys_mom (Feb 11, 2007)

Wow, I feel for you. I had a 16 week m/c in September. My son really got me through it. Time does heal all wounds (or at least make them bearable) so give yourself all the time you need and lean on someone who cares about you.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Think about how many people are sending you warm wishes and prayers. That helped me go to sleep at night - it was like a warm blanket over me and Harry and I felt lulled and comforted and blessed by it.

I will be thinking of you. You will be okay.


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## mamamelia (Apr 14, 2005)

i am so sorry mama.

sadly, you will never be normal again. i still think of and cry for our baby that was lost over 5 years ago. for a very long while i cried everyday.. then it slowly became once every 2 days, every 3 days... and now i cry on the anniversary of the birth every year. but it doesn't change the way i feel inside. i think i just have no more tears to come out. i still feel i have 3 babies even though i can only hold 2 in my arms, the love for your child never really goes, just gets buried deep within your heart.
i am so sorry for you and your dh.


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## amydawnsmommy (Mar 13, 2005)

bluebunny I am so sorry to learn of the death of your precious baby Joey.









Take it step by step, moment by moment and know now that, even though you'll never believe it now, you will get through this pain.

Know that we are always here for you at any time of day or night.

I recommend finding a perinatal bereavement support group in your area (if there is one) for that support.

Also get the book Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah Davis. It is the best book out there and very very comforting.

Lots of love and hugs,


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

hugs hugs hugs!! I am so sorry.


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