# How are you doing...today?



## CityChic (Jan 18, 2007)

One of the things I have realized about this grief process is the ups and downs. There are days I feel fine and others that I am still devestated.

So...I thought maybe it would help to put it out there. Let us know how you are doing right now. Perhaps we can take a moment to







and







: with one another...

***
Today I feel torn. I really, really, really want another baby. I miss this baby so much it is hard to think about anything else.

However, my DH's graduation and a possible new job for myself are on the horizon. All are over-shadowed by my desire for a new little one in our life.

*sigh*


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

Today I am doing pretty well. Talked to my midwife (who I just love







: )and my HcG (when she took it last Wednesday) was a 5, so the miscarriage is all complete. Sad, but also good because it went well and I had no complications, I just stayed home. Also, my body appears to be getting ready to ovulate again. I have an urge to just go for it and get pregnant again right away. I was concerned about my thyroid (my TSH was a 4.06 about six months ago, FP said that was normal, everything I read says that it is not, my midwife also tested my TSH and it was a 3.8 last week, closer to normal) so not sure what to do with that prior to TTC.
I have noticed that I am really cranky this month (m/c started on the 2nd) and not very patient with anyone.
My midwife also told me about a local early loss group, so I am thinking about going to that as well.


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## CityChic (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *turtlewomyn* 
Today I am doing pretty well. Talked to my midwife (who I just love







: )and my HcG (when she took it last Wednesday) was a 5, so the miscarriage is all complete. Sad, but also good because it went well and I had no complications, I just stayed home. Also, my body appears to be getting ready to ovulate again. I have an urge to just go for it and get pregnant again right away. I was concerned about my thyroid (my TSH was a 4.06 about six months ago, FP said that was normal, everything I read says that it is not, my midwife also tested my TSH and it was a 3.8 last week, closer to normal) so not sure what to do with that prior to TTC.
I have noticed that I am really cranky this month (m/c started on the 2nd) and not very patient with anyone.
My midwife also told me about a local early loss group, so I am thinking about going to that as well.









This is a fantastic report! I am so glad your body is doing so wonderfully!!! yay for great days!!!


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## ebony_vbac (Jul 14, 2006)

each day is getting better. all i could do was cry at first but it's been 10 days now and i havent cried in 3 days. i wanted that baby so badly but i cant go back in time i cant change what's happened. i do think my body needs some healing before i get pregnant again so i'll wait 3 months if dh wants to try again, but he probably doesnt







i cant even bring myself to talk to him about it for fear of disappointment. i cant find an active list to join for support i have a local group but noone even replied to my email not to mention i went to a meeting 2 years ago and i didnt feel i fit in, not that i ever fit in but they were all full term losses with the exception of 20 week twins and they all were big time advocates of early cs in the future for the safety of their babies but i dont believe cs save babies very often at all and i'm against unecessary cesarians so i dont want to return to that meeting


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## CityChic (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ebony_vbac* 
each day is getting better. all i could do was cry at first but it's been 10 days now and i havent cried in 3 days. i wanted that baby so badly but i cant go back in time i cant change what's happened. i do think my body needs some healing before i get pregnant again so i'll wait 3 months if dh wants to try again, but he probably doesnt







i cant even bring myself to talk to him about it for fear of disappointment. i cant find an active list to join for support i have a local group but noone even replied to my email not to mention i went to a meeting 2 years ago and i didnt feel i fit in, not that i ever fit in but they were all full term losses with the exception of 20 week twins and they all were big time advocates of early cs in the future for the safety of their babies but i dont believe cs save babies very often at all and i'm against unecessary cesarians so i dont want to return to that meeting









The first months are so hard with so many feelings. It is absolutely okay to feel them









I have not found a good group either, it is tough to have no other women to walk through this experience with.

*****

Today I feel nervous. The outcome of today's job interview will determine when we start trying again. I can't even focus...


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## AlwaysAutumn (Jun 28, 2008)

I don't post much, but thought I'd share. I honestly had a month or maybe a little more where I felt better, much better. No tears, little sadness. Now in the last week I have sunken into the darkness again. I am sad but also really angry lately. I hate to admit I feel a lot of bitterness towards preggie moms and those will little babies. We are also TTC but my cycles are so wacky that isn't working out either. The loss was in March, I had really hoped to have my BFP by Sept 9 (the due date).


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## Fiestabeth (Aug 4, 2006)

I am really, really sad today. I just started my first cycle since the m/c, and for some reason it has just made me profoundly sad. Then it didn't help that we passed a protest at a major intersection today. It was pro-lifers out with huge posters, some with a picture of an 8wk fetus in utero, and some...not nice pictures.







I so didn't need to see that today. And my 9yo didn't even know what abortion is, so we've had to have a long discussion about it. I was not emotionally up for that, and just randomly collapsed into tears a little bit ago.

I haven't had any huge outpourings of grief, except when I was actually in the midst of miscarrying, so I think it's just catching up to me now. I just want to lie in bed and cry.

Sorry to be a downer.


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## *Milk-Fairy* (Jun 8, 2004)

tonight-not great







this is my first post in this forum









I found out friday that we are miscarrying, and am waiting for it to happen. I spotted saturday night, again yesterday, and am spotting again now...with lots of cramps...but it hasn't officially started yet.

am *really* emotional tonight for some reason. maybe just saying goodbye...

I realized with a shock that I should be 12 weeks next week (it coincided with our kids' first day back at school)...and instead I'm bloated and LOOK pregnant, but not. Had to answer several "when are you due?" questions today, which sucked. And if one more person answers with a smile and "It's God's will!" I might lose my temper.

hopefully tomorrow will be better


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## ebony_vbac (Jul 14, 2006)

what really sucks is that although i told everyone i was pregnant, i havent told many about the miscarriage, so all these people are suposed to be thinking i'm pregnant but since they never say anything i assume they forgot, so i dont want to bring it up. i wonder in six months will they ask why i'm not showing? this has happened with my last 3 misciarrages before this one too. i always promise myself i wont tell anyone i'm opregnant till 12 weeks but then i CANT hold it in, its the happiest feeling in the world even with puking and nausea and weight gain and different sex positions its still the best feeling in the world. waking up every day knowing theres a life inside you............


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## ebony_vbac (Jul 14, 2006)

dont see post sorry if i'm double posting

what really sucks is that although i told everyone i was pregnant, i havent told many about the miscarriage, so all these people are suposed to be thinking i'm pregnant but since they never say anything i assume they forgot, so i dont want to bring it up. i wonder in six months will they ask why i'm not showing? this has happened with my last 3 misciarrages before this one too. i always promise myself i wont tell anyone i'm opregnant till 12 weeks but then i CANT hold it in, its the happiest feeling in the world even with puking and nausea and weight gain and different sex positions its still the best feeling in the world. waking up every day knowing theres a life inside you............


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## MisaGoat (Jul 10, 2006)

Physically it is pretty much over. My last blood work showed my hormone levels being back to normal, I had a follow up with my midwife and everything seemed normal. I am just waiting for my period to show up so I have a time frame of when I can get pregnant again. My midwife recommended I wait until I have one full cycle (two periods) so that I know how long my cycle is now and make sure my body is ready. Really I am okay with that. I can't really imagine getting pregnant next month, although I probably won't be super careful about it either.

In some ways it is easier to wait but I am having a hard time acknowledging that I was pregnant. Part of me feels like it was my imagination and I was never really pregnant.

I really want to be pregnant and have another child but I want to feel comfortable while I am pregnant and not paranoid that something will go wrong. I think until I can trust my body again I won't really be ready to be pregnant again.

I weaned my almost 2 year old son after the miscarriage. I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not.

I also hate my stomach for being all flat. It had grown a little bit while I was pregnant and seems to deflated now. I never hated it so much.


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

MisaGoat- I agree a 100 percent with everything you are saying. I`m in the process of miscarrying and I have a hard time believing I really was pregnant. It just seems like a dream that I had to wake up from. I also hate my flat tummy. It was so nice and round..
Let`s keep this thread alive. We need all the encouragement we can get..


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## yummymummy2hannah (Aug 23, 2006)

Today is a hard day. I met with my sister who is pregnant and due right around when I was due. I see her belly all huge and round. She is preparing for birth soon as I should be doing. Part of me is sooooo happy for her and part of me resents that she is pregnant and I lost my Nathaniel. I am trying to shove the resentment away but I can't help but cringe when I see her doing things I so carefully avoided in my pregnancy yet mine ended so tragically. I have cried 2x today but laughed many times more, so thats good.


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## starkwe (Aug 15, 2008)

I feel pretty awful today. It's five weeks since we lost Fiona and I am starting my first cycle. I feel so empty and miss her terribly. I thought I was doing better but now I wonder if I will ever really be better.


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## Broken Heart (Aug 10, 2008)

*Hello....

Today is Saturday and I long to show my little Louis off at the park or

jungle gym,but insted my heart is broken and the pain is over whelming.

We all have an understanding and I wish it were different for us all .

Love Sandra xx*


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## ebony_vbac (Jul 14, 2006)

did you wean because you believe nursing contibuted to the miscarriage? that's one of my worries


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## MisaGoat (Jul 10, 2006)

Ebony,

I guess so. When I started bleeding and went to the ER I was thinking that I would wean him. At that point I wasn't sure if I was having a miscarriage or not.

I don't think there is really any evidence that breastfeeding (especially a toddler who eats plenty of other foods) contributes to a miscarriage but I know that I wouldn't feel comfortable breastfeeding when I get pregnant again.

I mentioned it to my midwife and she didn't really think it was a factor in my miscarriage, especially not since he was only nursing a little each day. She said if I had it in my mind that breastfeeding may have affected my pregnancy then I should wait to get pregnant until I had that sorted out (I think she just meant until I felt comfortable with being pregnant and nursing or weaning).

The only two things I can do differently the next time I get pregnant are to not drink any caffeine and to not be nursing. Those are the only two things I do that might affect a pregnancy. I had cut back my caffeine significantly when I found out I was pregnant but I know I won't drink any caffeine once I try to get pregnant again.

I know there probably wasn't an explanation for the miscarriage but I have to try to make sense of it.


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

I`m also nursing my son. Somebody came up to me today and told me that I probably lost my baby b/c I`m still nursing my son. Well, anything is possible but I highly doubt it. Even my doctor said that miscarriages are very common and there is no real cause. So, I`m resting in that right now b/c weaning my son would be too traumatic for him at the moment.

On a different note I`m feeling much more hopeful today. It`s only been three days and I know I`m not over it at all but I take every good moment as a blessing. One by one people I know come up to me and share stories about their own painful past. I`ve known these people for over two years yet I never would have imagined that one of them lost a 1-year-old baby and another miscarried when she was 5 months pregnant. I would never, ever want to go through this pain again but knowing how much it hurts has opened up my heart to others in the same boat. Let`s just say I have "seeing eyes" now.

How is everyone else?


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## RainbowEarthFaerie (Oct 11, 2006)

I've been doing better. I did start bleeding again last night, but it stopped by this morning. At first I thought I was starting my first cycle since the girls. It would have been really early. But I guess it wasn't. Seeing the blood brought it all back though.


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## erin_brycesmom (Nov 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AlwaysAutumn* 
I don't post much, but thought I'd share. I honestly had a month or maybe a little more where I felt better, much better. No tears, little sadness. Now in the last week I have sunken into the darkness again. I am sad but also really angry lately. I hate to admit I feel a lot of bitterness towards preggie moms and those will little babies. We are also TTC but my cycles are so wacky that isn't working out either. The loss was in March, I had really hoped to have my BFP by Sept 9 (the due date).

Oh wow, mama...you could have taken most of these words right out of my mouth. We lost our baby in April and I was due Sept 7. I was feeling much better for about a month and this past week has taken me to a really dark place. I'm almost embarrassed to share how dark. I really really wanted to have my BFP by the due date as well but I do not think that is going to happen. My cycles are crazy as well. You are not alone and I guess I'm not as alone as I thought I was







.


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## veganmama719 (Sep 15, 2007)

I have had 2 m/c this year. With the first I was due Oct 7th, 2008 and witht he second I was due March 21st 2009. I was so happy to be PG again before my first due date.

I just m/c this past weekend after finding out at my 10 w u/s that the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks.

I think the two hardest things are that I walked around for 4 weeks thinking I was PG and that I feel like I have failed my DD. She didn't know about either baby we lost but we were planning on telling them after the u/s and she would have been soooooooooo happy. She has been asking me for a new baby for quite some time. We have been trying for 14 months now with 2 losses.

Today I am OK. Still bleeding and just went for my first hcg test yesterday.

But I am terrified of the depression that I assume is coming after I am out of "crisis mode".

The doc says because of my age my odds of m/c are 40-45% in every PG.


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## Dalene (Apr 14, 2008)

I never know what to say to people who know that my son died and ask cheerily, “Have you had a good summer?” Uh…well, as summers when my baby dies go, I guess it’s been good. I’m supposed to be home on maternity leave with my son, instead I’m at work everyday…so yeah, it’s been great.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

so sorry for all of you. nursing *does* cause contractions of the uterus but so does coughing, sneezing and most certainly orgasm. so unless you have a very sensitive uterus (rare) I wouldn't attribute a m/c to nursing.

I am miscarrying at the moment. still waiting for the baby to pass through. been bleeding strong now for almost two days. I'm VERY grumpy. very. and angry.


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

I wish nobody would have to go through the pain of losing a baby. It`s heartbreaking. I never knew how great the emotional and physical pain can be..

I`m still bleeding passing some clots also. I wish the bleeding would stop but then it just sounds so final..No more pregnancy no more baby.








I never know what to tell people either when they ask how I`m doing. I just usually tell them that physically I`m better but my heart is broken. The people who`ve never gone through this can`t understand this pain. They think once the bleeding is over all is over..they cannot be more wrong


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## SarahDC (Oct 8, 2006)

Quote:

I never know what to say to people who know that my son died and ask cheerily, "Have you had a good summer?" Uh&#8230;well, as summers when my baby dies go, I guess it's been good. I'm supposed to be home on maternity leave with my son, instead I'm at work everyday&#8230;so yeah, it's been great.
I SO feel for you here - I feel the same way when people ask innocent questions like that. When I was at the hospital having bloodwork done while I was miscarrying - the tech told me to have a great day! and I wanted to deck her.

Quote:

One by one people I know come up to me and share stories about their own painful past. I`ve known these people for over two years yet I never would have imagined that one of them lost a 1-year-old baby and another miscarried when she was 5 months pregnant. I would never, ever want to go through this pain again but knowing how much it hurts has opened up my heart to others in the same boat. Let`s just say I have "seeing eyes" now.
I've been surprised by that too. For me it is helpful to hear stories from those women, and their sympathy is always heartfelt. I know what you mean by "seeing eyes" - like I have a new perspective.

Cuddlebaby - lots of hugs to you - so sorry you're going through this. It's okay to be angry.

I'm hanging in there. Like a lot of you, the grief comes and goes. I work with lots of pregnant moms & babies and that hasn't bothered me, but some things just get me out of the blue, like a mom breastfeeding a newborn in the movie theater.


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## ChrissieColinsMom (Nov 18, 2005)

I had a natural miscarriage Wednesday night. My ob's office dropped the ball and then couldn't schedule my d&c until Thursday. By then it was too late. The mental part has been much worse then the physical for me. I was able to see the fetus in what I passed. I am so afraid that image will haunt me forever. I am really hoping that once my hormones level out my moods will as well. I go from depression to anger almost every 5 minutes.

I have been trying to focus on my son as he always brings a smile to my face. And my husband has been right by my side through everything.


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## ebony_vbac (Jul 14, 2006)

i'm doing more research but from what i've learned so far in order to nurse a baby and grow a new pregnancy you have to have specific nutritional needs met and certain amounts of rest. so i really do believe my lack of doing that caused my mc. i never had any ultrasounds so i really wont know when the baby stopped growing but i felt symptoms up until 9 weeks then mc at 10 weeks. anyway i found a website miscarriage-support.org it looks nice it has alot of different boards inaddition to miscarriage but the most members online at one time was 28 so maybe it's not that active either?

i did find a post on catholic forums asking whether nursing would cause a miscarriage but most replys were actually saying no. i know many moms tandem nurse but are they also working overnight getting 4 hours sleep and losing weight while pregnant>?


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## MisaGoat (Jul 10, 2006)

I had my first period last week right on schedule. I was actually happy to get it to know that the miscarriage was really over and my body was recovering. But then I was irritated too because my period was like two years earlier that it should be. I didn't get my period back after my son was born until he was about 15 months old.

I was watching TV tonight and a commercial for the hospital came on and they showed a woman having an ultrasound, seeing the baby and being happy. I just started crying (and I am crying now) because when I last had an ultrasound it was to let me know the baby didn't have a heartbeat. Until that ultrasound I still was hoping it was just some insignificant bleeding. The silence in the ultrasound gave it all away. It was awful, I knew it wasn't good but the ultrasound tech wouldn't say so and I had to wait until the ER doctor came to see me to confirm it.

On breastfeeding and miscarriage: One part says you looked at the research, you know it was safe, your midwives said it was safe and didn't cause the miscarriage. The other part repeats what all the people who said you should wean him since you are pregnant, you should take it easy, don't lift etc. Do I blame myself for it? No. But if it happened again under the same circumstances I know I would blame myself and I don't want that to happen. I don't even know if I am going to try to get pregnant next month. I don't know if I am ready.








To everyone and wish you all the best. I am not good at knowing the right things to say or type but this sucks and I am really thankful I have somewhere to discuss this. To everyone IRL it is over already and for the most part I am fine until something hits me out of the blue and I start crying.


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

It has just been about 40 hours since I passed my baby. A beautiful perfect tiny baby.







I am still crying a lot. We told the boys today, and ds1 cried and was so sad. We are having a graveside service on Saturday. I just want to get through that.


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)

I`m so sorry for you loss.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bc1995* 
It has just been about 40 hours since I passed my baby. A beautiful perfect tiny baby.







I am still crying a lot. We told the boys today, and ds1 cried and was so sad. We are having a graveside service on Saturday. I just want to get through that.









I am also very sorry for you and your family. I"m just a few days ahead of you re the miscarriage, I know (unfortunately) what is so fresh in your lives.

huge huge hugs.


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## 3sweetsurprises (Aug 24, 2008)

I just passed my baby a few minutes ago so today pretty much sucks. I'm sitting here not quite sure of what to type. I feel like I am in the middle of a terrible nightmare and desperately want to wake up. I think the hardest part is that this was going to be baby number three, and we didn't plan it. My dh doesn't want three kids, so we won't be trying for another. I don't want my last pregnancy of my life to end in a miscarriage, but I don't really get a choice. My dh doesn't know what to say or do and often ends up saying the wrong thing. For instance, "I don't expect it right now, but I need to know that you will come out of this okay". Right, my biggest worry is your need for me to go back to normal. I want to him to tell me that he has changed his mind and would love to try for baby number three. Anyway, thanks for the thread. Somehow it helps to know that there are other women out there.


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss 3sweetsurprises. I totally understand how you feel. The baby that we lost was a surprise, too. I have always wanted 4 children (ever since I was a child myself). Dh would of been happy with just 2, and was really done after 3. I was so afraid when we found out that this baby had passed that I would not get another chance. He totally surprised me though and said he wants to try again. He even talked to the OB about it. I really hope your dh has a change of heart.

I just don't know how I am going to make it through tomorrow. I should be asleep. We have to get up super early to make our trip to our hometown for the funeral. How can we put our child in the ground. I am not ready to give her up. Although I know I never will be.


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## ebony_vbac (Jul 14, 2006)

carrie. i see you nursed through all of your pregnancies, you never considered that to cause miscarriage right? i was worried about causing my mc from nursing my toddler but kellymom and lll says thats not the case. i was just lookig for a personal reference.

and i'm curious about your plans for a funeral. is it like a religious belief or just personal. i'd never considered a service or anything for any of my miscarriages, never new the sexes of the babies or even given them names. sorry if anything i said sounded offensive

i'm sorry for your loss


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## 3sweetsurprises (Aug 24, 2008)

I nursed my first dd through my entire pregnancy with dd2. I am currently nursing dd2, but I don't believe that is what caused my m/c. Though there are plenty of other things I am trying to blame most of them revolve around me not nursing. This is so much harder than I ever imagined. I know many people who have lost babies, but I never realized how devastating it is.

Sending everyone some





















.


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## AAL (Aug 30, 2008)

It is helpful reading all the different notes. I am very grateful. I am sorry for all the mums that have experienced the loss of a baby.

Today I feel like an ar$e because I had a good day. I laughed and didn't have the horrible scene replaying in my head every 5 minutes. It has only been two weeks! What is wrong with me? Maybe today was easier because I have incredible support from family and friends. Most of the time i want to be alone, but they don't let me.

To be honest I feel numb. I really don't know what to think. A few days ago I was a mess. Yesterday I was really angry. I read online that these emotions are part of the grieving process.


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I don't feel like there is even a remote chance that nursing during this pregnancy had anything to do with my miscarriage. I have carried to 40 weeks and 42 weeks with the other two pregnancies that I nursed through, an 8lb 9oz baby and 8lb 4 oz baby.

We had a graveside service for our baby for religious and personal reasons. I was 13 1/2 weeks and we could tell that she was very likely a she. She looked just like a tiny baby. We named her because it didn't seem right to say 'it' or 'the baby' forever. We chose a gender neutral name just in case we were wrong about the sex. We needed the service to start to heal. I think it also was important for our children and all the grandparents. We buried her on top of dh's grandmother's grave. Ds2 said that I should not worry Granny and Pop will take care of her now. It was just what I needed to hear. I am not offended at all that you asked.

The service went well yesturday. I held it together much better than I expected to. It was a beautiful day, and was so nice to have all of our family there to help us through this time. It was hard to come home and leave her so far away though.


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