# Leaving a kid in the car



## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

At what age do you feel comfortable leaving your child in the car when you go in a store. I'm not talking about running in to pay for gas, I mean leaving them playing a video game or whatever and they can join you if they care to.

Opinions?


----------



## tnmom66 (Feb 10, 2010)

Maybe 9 or 10 IF they had a cell phone with them, and I probably would have them stay in the car, so I'd make sure it was not parked in the sun on a hot day. And I wouldn't leave them for more than 15 min. or so.

Lydia


----------



## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

It depended on the child's personality.


----------



## tashantx (Sep 5, 2007)

my son is 11 and refuses to go into certain thrift stores with me







so he stays in at those I can see the car from almost every part of the store.


----------



## hillymum (May 15, 2003)

I left my middle son when he was 8.5 and he got out the car to come find me. On the way into the store a do gooder stopped him, got the checkout girl to call out for me and then chewed me out. It was a small store and my son knew where I was. I told the lady to mind her own business and to stop over reacting! My son had done exactly what I told him to do if he got bored so I felt fine leaving him for 10 to 15 minutes.

A year later he normally comes in with me but his 10 yr old brother would rather stay in the car with his DSi. If I take too long though (30+ minutes) he wil start to get upset.

i try to do all errands when the kids are in school so they don't need to sit in a car or get bored shopping but underdstand thats not always an option.


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I don't think I will ever be comfortable with my dd staying in the car alone while I am off shopping. If she is old enough to stay home alone (13) then I will let her choose to do that. I remember having to stay in the car sometimes and it got very hot and uncomfortable, I don't want my dd thinking she has to endure that.


----------



## praisehimau (Oct 3, 2008)

I wouldn' do it. If something were to happen I wouldn't forgive myself... and I think its good for the kids to be involved in every aspect of my life, including shopping etc...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

9ish, depending on maturity level. That's the age I would feel ok with them taking their bikes to the store/library/etc without me.


----------



## Smidge (Aug 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I don't think I will ever be comfortable with my dd staying in the car alone while I am off shopping. If she is old enough to stay home alone (13) then I will let her choose to do that. I remember having to stay in the car sometimes and it got very hot and uncomfortable, I don't want my dd thinking she has to endure that.

this


----------



## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

gosh, I can't even imagine my kids not wanting to go into the store with me. In fact, as soon as we pull up somewhere, all four are fu-reaking out b/c they want to come inside with me - and I have to choose who to leave (with DH) in the car and who to take in...or if I'm in a mood, I leave them all and let him deal with their craziness.









No, but seriously, I dunno. Maybe 12-13? My older two kids are 9 and 7 and even if I could talk them into it, I don't think I'd feel comfy leaving either one of them while I go shopping. If it were a quick in and out thing like gas/library books/dry cleaners/pizza pick-up - then maybe.


----------



## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

My boys are 7 and 4 and beg to stay in the car when I'm doing something "boring." I leave them, with the heat on in cold weather or the windows cracked in nice weather. I would not leave them if it was over 75º out. They lock the doors and stay in the car talking or reading. I only leave them if they are together. They know not to unlock or open the doors unless there is an emergency.
My 7 yr. old walks home from school alone and will probably be allowed to stay home alone within the next year or two. He's proven himself over and over to be responsible and capable.
My mom always let me stay in the car reading as a kid, I biked over a mile to school at 6, I stayed home after school with my little sister starting at 7, and was babysitting other peoples' children at 10. Every memory I have of these things is of feeling trustworthy and competent and I don't believe the world is a more dangerous place now. My kid is more likely to be hit by a car crossing the parking lot with me, or get in a fatal wreck on the way to or from the store, than to be what? kidnapped from a locked car in a store parking lot? sitting in the car for 10 minutes.


----------



## bandgeek (Sep 12, 2006)

I'm not sure because we're not there yet. DS is 5 and LOVES to go into every store.







I would say around 10, but it would totally depend on the kid too.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My 8-year-old sometimes stays in the car for a couple of minutes while I run into someplace that only takes a couple of minutes. I let her do that before, but only if the car was within my sight the whole time. Now I don't mind her being out of my sight in the car for a few minutes.

I think it depends on the child, the weather, the area (and crime rate), and that kind of thing. But my daughter is in more danger walking with me across a parking lot than she is alone in a locked car for two or three minutes.


----------



## karika (Nov 4, 2005)

I don't think I would ever be comfortable with that. I don't go many places. Ok, I only go one place. The grocery store. Child can stay home with daddy or go with me. I could never leave a child unattended. I lost a child before due to SIDS and you never want to lose a child. Children are snatched anywhere, anytime. I saw a thing about a girl taken at a little league ball game, she was playing with her friends catching fireflies, paused at her car to dump the sand from her shoes and then was gone. I feel I have a more developed sense of judgment than my child and know how to react to situations (ie I would know if someone were following us around a store or if I was being watched in a parking lot). I suppose to give an answer, I would say that I would not leave the child alone in the car (and this depends on where you are, for instance a parking lot with easy freeway access may be more prone to an attack than a downtown one) until they were old enough to go out alone at night, say, 16? (with a cell phone and a group and in a place like a movie theater or mall) It also depends on the child and how attractive they are probably. I do leave my child (6yo) in the car when I go to the post office to check our PO
Box, the entire front is glassed and I can make eye contact with her the whole time (which is about 30 seconds). If I could not get a front park there, she would come in too and I would make it fun telling her she gets to check the mail....


----------



## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

The same age that I would be ok with leaving them home alone.

If the kid is goign to sit in the car, I would leave them home in the first place. I would rather have them at home where they can lock the door, use a phone if they need to etc. vs. being alogn in the car where they could be too hot/too cold, get bored and do something dumb etc.


----------



## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *karika* 
It also depends on the child and how attractive they are probably.











I would likely not be comfortable leaving a child in the car for any length of time (dropping a book in the library book return that's five steps from the parking lot is different). By the time I'd be comfortable leaving her in the car alone, I'd also be comfortable leaving her home alone, and I think I'd prefer that.


----------



## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

Many states have laws specifying an age; I'd check on that first!


----------



## sweetpeppers (Dec 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MJB* 
My boys are 7 and 4 and beg to stay in the car when I'm doing something "boring." I leave them, with the heat on in cold weather or the windows cracked in nice weather. I would not leave them if it was over 75º out. They lock the doors and stay in the car talking or reading. I only leave them if they are together. They know not to unlock or open the doors unless there is an emergency.
My 7 yr. old walks home from school alone and will probably be allowed to stay home alone within the next year or two. He's proven himself over and over to be responsible and capable.
My mom always let me stay in the car reading as a kid, I biked over a mile to school at 6, I stayed home after school with my little sister starting at 7, and was babysitting other peoples' children at 10. Every memory I have of these things is of feeling trustworthy and competent and I don't believe the world is a more dangerous place now. My kid is more likely to be hit by a car crossing the parking lot with me, or get in a fatal wreck on the way to or from the store, than to be what? kidnapped from a locked car in a store parking lot? sitting in the car for 10 minutes.











*Thank you for writing this.* I find it very disturbing that many parents seem to live their lives (and rule their kids lives) with a worst case scenario mentality. One woman I babysat for wouldn't let her 10 year old ride around their upper class, virtually no traffic neighborhood on his bike. Another family had me ride with their seven year old's down the street of their upper class neighborhood to their friend's house.


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetpeppers* 









*Thank you for writing this.* I find it very disturbing that many parents seem to live their lives (and rule their kids lives) with a worst case scenario mentality. One woman I babysat for wouldn't let her 10 year old ride around their upper class, virtually no traffic neighborhood on his bike. Another family had me ride with their seven year old's down the street of their upper class neighborhood to their friend's house.

Maybe the worst possible thing happened to them so they know how easy it is to happen to a child and they want to protect their kid from that pain. I don't see how other people's decisions as knowledgeable parents should in any way disturb someone who isn't in that family. It isn't as though they are making everyone in the parking lot come into the store with them so it in no way affects the people who choose not to believe that something bad will ever happen to their kid.


----------



## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

I'm with Sweetpepper & MJB on this. I don't know, as we're definetly not there yet, but I'd guess somewhere around 6-8yrs depending on maturity. Thats also the age I could see leaving them home alone for a half hour to an hour while I ran into town really quick. Kids get 'snatched' very, very rarely. Kids die in cars *EVERY* day. The paranoia over kidnapping is insane and way, way, way overblown. We can't protect our kids from everything. Some things are worth being 'extra' safe - erf, for example. Other things, like never, ever, under any circumstances leaving kids in the car till their 13 or 14, or not leaving them home-alone till 10 or 12, just aren't. But whatever.


----------



## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
Maybe the worst possible thing happened to them so they know how easy it is to happen to a child and they want to protect their kid from that pain. I don't see how other people's decisions as knowledgeable parents should in any way disturb someone who isn't in that family. It isn't as though they are making everyone in the parking lot come into the store with them so it in no way affects the people who choose not to believe that something bad will ever happen to their kid.

Except that often these people call the police and get involved in other people's decisions. I would allow my daughter to walk a half a block to the gas station to buy herself an ice cream if I wasn't so worried about "do gooders" getting upset and involved. She has the maturity and it is very close to home, but other people who get worked up and could get CPS or the police involved.


----------



## chickabiddy (Jan 30, 2004)

I'm not sure that's true.

My daughter has a serious lack of impulse control. That's just who she is. And I would never allow her, at age 8, to walk to the store (assuming we had a store within walking distance) alone. Yet I would never dream of calling CPS on parents with different kids and different decisions.

Yes, some people are fearmongers and busybodies. But some others of us just know what our kids are capable of.


----------



## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fairejour* 
Except that often these people call the police and get involved in other people's decisions. I would allow my daughter to walk a half a block to the gas station to buy herself an ice cream if I wasn't so worried about "do gooders" getting upset and involved. She has the maturity and it is very close to home, but other people who get worked up and could get CPS or the police involved.

yeah, see, that would be my biggest concern with leaving a kid in the car - any kid, who happened to even look younger than about 12. People will call the cops, and the possibility of being arrested is real. Arrest of child endangerment/neglect most likely will involve CPS - and besides any small risk of abduction or other harm in the parking lot - that's not a chance I'm willing to take. Turn our whole world upside down just b/c my kid didn't want to go into the grocery store to grab a few items with me? Not worth it.

ETA: and fwiw, I would never call CPS/cop in that situation - and don't think it's the right thing to do at all. But there are certainly people who feel that way and won't hesitate to get the authorities involved b/c they are so 'concerned'.


----------



## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

Quote:

It also depends on the child and how attractive they are probably.
if my child were unattractive, i would still probably not leave her in the car by herself...


----------



## Momily (Feb 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I don't think I will ever be comfortable with my dd staying in the car alone while I am off shopping. If she is old enough to stay home alone (13) then I will let her choose to do that. I remember having to stay in the car sometimes and it got very hot and uncomfortable, I don't want my dd thinking she has to endure that.

Wouldn't you be available to avoid that by saying "Come find me if you get hot or bored?"

If I give my son the following choices:

1) Come with me and come in the stores as I run errands.
2) Come with me, enjoy the drive and the conversation, and then sit in the car reading your book for 10 minutes a few different times.
3) Stay home alone for an hour.

He'll pick 2. I assume that if he were hot and uncomfortable he'd choose 1 or 3. I'm not sure why he'd think he had to "endure" something that he chose to do, and that he has the ability to undo (by coming in and finding me) at any time.

OP, I started leaving him around 8 or 9, in neighborhoods I felt were safe when I could see the car from the door, and it was quick (think 7 - 11). Now at 11 I pretty much always offer the choice, unless it's something like Target where I could be a couple of hours.

When the weather's hot, I've also let him sitting under a tree near the car with his book or the dog.


----------



## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I will leave my 7.5 year old in the car if it's a quick errand - like running into the store for one or two items. He asks to do it everytime, but 99% of the time I make him come in with me.

I just don't think it's that big of a deal - he's mature, likes to sit there and play his DSi & we live in a low crime, safe area. In fact the police substation shares a parking lot with the grocery store I'm talking about.

I like to give him freedom and choices. When he does come into the store with me, his favorite activity is for me to give him a list of a few items - he'll go off on his own, gather them, and bring them to our cart. Some people probably think that's unsafe too.


----------



## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

I will not leave my children in the car until they are old enough to be left home alone. For me and my kids, that would probably be 11 or so, depending on the child. Middle school age? But I worry more about hyperthermia then I do about stranger abduction. The bottom line for me is that alone, is alone, in the house or the car. They need to be old enough and responsible enough to handle their own problems, come and get you, etc. Also, it would only be in fall and spring. Not in a running car, so no hot or cold weather, period.


----------



## firewoman (Feb 2, 2008)

I hate this subject. I want to tell you that you can but in today's society, I wouldn't. One time I parked on one side of a busy street and needed to put something in the mail slot of a business across the street. I felt it was safer in that situation to leave my two boys ages 4 and 7 in the car while I ran across to deliver the envelope. I locked the car (and they were secured in their seats) that was parked in a legal spot, ran across and came right back. The car was never out of my sight. When I got back a man unleashed a diatribe on me about what a terrible mother I was and how his wife would never do what I did and how horribly irresponsible I was and on and on and on. It made me feel terrible because I'm NOT an irresponsible mother and I didn't want to try and drag my two little kids across a rather busy street. Be careful leaving them unless this type of encounter is something that wouldn't bother you. People can be rather meddlesome and sometimes it is because something bad has happened to them or someone they know in a similar situation.


----------



## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I was thinking of this thread this afternoon - I picked ds up from school and ran into our neighborhood market to get wheat buns for dinner. He wanted to wait in the car & it's a beautiful day so I let him. Before I got out, he asked if I would buy him a kit kat. I said I will try to remember.









As I was picking up the buns he met me in the grocery store with a handwritten note that said "Don't forget my kit kat" and then went back to the car.









He's perfectly capable of coming to get me if he needs me (obviously!) and I think it's grossly underestimating his abilities to say he needs to be in his teenage years to do that.


----------



## 19spitfire (Dec 8, 2007)

My 11 yr old and 9 yr old wait in the car for me when they choose to. But....our car has dark tinted windows and unless someone was really searching or the sun was just right I don't think the fact that they are without an adult is that noticable. I think it depends on the child and the area you are in. But having tint makes me feel better.


----------



## Jaesun's Dad (Feb 19, 2010)

I guess the same age I'd trust them to go to a friend's house on their own and do things independently. At that point they can stay home instead of tagging along. Any less than that and I'd be too concerned about heat (as they say for dogs, even an overcast and cool day can still become unbearably hot in a car) and creepy people. In regard to the latter, a cell phone will become requisite once he gets that independence. Not that he needs to OMGTXTUFRND!!! (though he will I'm sure) but so he can push the little emergency button and summon help. I will know what age this all is when we get there. Right now he has no choice but to tag along since he's literally attached to me when we go


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My 8-year-old knows how to unlock and open car doors, so I'm not worried about her roasting in there in the two minutes or so I'm in a convenience store or whatever.


----------



## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *firewoman* 
I hate this subject. I want to tell you that you can but in today's society, I wouldn't. People can be rather meddlesome and sometimes it is because something bad has happened to them or someone they know in a similar situation.


----------



## TXmom2 (Sep 20, 2009)

It depends on the situation. Neighborhood, time of day, etc. I have and do sometimes leave my oldest (DS-14) and sometimes the older two together. I usually leave the car running (for ac/heat) & locked though. , and DS has his cell if he needs to reach me before I get back.
I've left my oldest with the baby to run in for a couple of minutes but not for longer. I do like that we have dark tinted windows and you can't really see if there is an adult with them or not.

That being said, I have a friend who was attacked while sitting in her car. She was 17 years old and was waiting for a friend who went in to the mall to return an item. It was a nice day and she was parked in the shade with the sunroof open, reading a book. A man jumped on the car and climbed in through the open sunroof before she could even react.









There is always the worst case scenarios..always. What I do is do the best I can at any given time and do what feels right to me at the time.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Teenage girls are attacked at a much, much, much higher frequency than pre-pubescent children. The ironic thing is that sometimes we hire teenage girls to safeguard our kids when as far as stranger-danger goes, the child is in more danger because he/she could be in the way of someone trying to get the teenage girl. Obviously kids need babysitters to protect them from more common dangers, but lurking strangers are a much bigger problem for teens than little kids.


----------



## sunnysandiegan (Mar 5, 2008)

My DD is 9 and we live in a big city. Our specific community is like an oasis within the city in many ways. I don't leave her at home alone (personality+circumstance) and I don't leave her in a car alone (personality+weather). She is an only child and spends plenty of time alone as is. She doesn't need or want any further alone time at this point in her life. Our weather can be tricky in regards to heat. The sun is often out and the breeze can be cool. Perfect weather when you are outside. Inside a car gets very warm very quickly.

She can walk to grandpa's alone and she can walk to a few other neighbor's homes alone. She also takes out recycling and/or trash sometimes. She can do those because there are no streets involved. We live in an HOA with only peripheral three-sided street access. Fourth side is a canyon, which is a whole 'nother issue (wildlife+teenagers). I can see her or hear her arrive at neighbors. She calls me from grandpas because he lives further away. It takes 60-90 seconds to walk it. If she is uncomfortable with strangers around, she will come right back home and ask me to go with her. That is her personality.

Our community is very walker-friendly on the surface. Pedestrian lights and crosswalks. Sidewalks and bike lanes. Low crime rate. Plenty of other walkers and cyclists around. Drivers are honestly the biggest danger! Everyone is in such a hurry and pay less attention than is needed.


----------



## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I'm pretty comfortable with it in general. I think my kid's way more likely to be hit by a car walking across the parking lot than have something like an attack or an abduction happen to them when I'm out of sight.


----------



## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

My oldest is 9 right now and I wouldnt do it. I am not sure when I would be willing to do it since I havnt gotten there yet.


----------



## twosetsoftwins (May 29, 2010)

Every summer we hear about the tragic deaths of children who die of hyperthermia from having been left in a hot vehicle. Sadly, even the most caring and vigilant of parents are often the unwitting perpetrators of these horrendous fatalities. In an effort to increase public awareness the Heat Hurts™ symbol was created as a reminder to NEVER leave your child in a vehicle unattended for any reason - Not even for a minute! http://www.heathurts.org


----------



## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twosetsoftwins* 
Every summer we hear about the tragic deaths of children who die of hyperthermia from having been left in a hot vehicle. Sadly, even the most caring and vigilant of parents are often the unwitting perpetrators of these horrendous fatalities. In an effort to increase public awareness the Heat Hurts™ symbol was created as a reminder to NEVER leave your child in a vehicle unattended for any reason - Not even for a minute! http://www.heathurts.org

A site every parent should read, thank you. And welcome to MDC







.


----------



## Lilypie32 (Aug 19, 2008)

Being that I live in a very hot and humid state, my child will never be left alone in the car. Once of legal age and at proper maturity level. he will be able to stay home alone but being that he is only 5 that won't be happening for many many years..

I was raised as a latchkey kid and took care of my 2 younger brothers because my mom was single and had to work. I was mature for my age (10) but my brothers were 6 and 2. I was always afraid when home alone with them. Once we all went to the grocery store and my mom told us to stay in the care. Well, somehow one of my brothers got to the emergency brake and our car rolled down the hill and crashed into a light pole. What did I do? I ran crying into the store to find my mom and I left my 2 younger brothers in the car. Even though I was mature for my age, in an emergency I had no clue what to do.

So, be very careful.


----------



## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

We live in AZ and the answer is NEVER. A person can die in a car in a few short minutes from the heat here.

Now DS is 9 and he can stay home alone while I run errands for about an hr. but he can NOT stay in the car.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twosetsoftwins* 
Every summer we hear about the tragic deaths of children who die of hyperthermia from having been left in a hot vehicle. Sadly, even the most caring and vigilant of parents are often the unwitting perpetrators of these horrendous fatalities. In an effort to increase public awareness the Heat Hurts™ symbol was created as a reminder to NEVER leave your child in a vehicle unattended for any reason - Not even for a minute! http://www.heathurts.org

Certainly a child who isn't old enough to easily and without fear leave the car if it gets hot shouldn't be left in the car. And I wouldn't leave my 8-year-old in the car on a hot day as it would certainly get hot and she'd have to leave the car anyway. But an older child who could easily leave the car, and on a cooler day, is not the same as what this web site is about. For instance, I'm comfortable waiting in a car because I know how to open the car door if it gets hot. My 8-year-old is just as capable of leaving the car and would just walk into the convenience store to get me if she got too warm. I would not leave my toddler in the car due to heat and because she'd be scared if she were left alone.


----------



## Kreeblim (Dec 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
Teenage girls are attacked at a much, much, much higher frequency than pre-pubescent children. The ironic thing is that sometimes we hire teenage girls to safeguard our kids when as far as stranger-danger goes, the child is in more danger because he/she could be in the way of someone trying to get the teenage girl. Obviously kids need babysitters to protect them from more common dangers, but lurking strangers are a much bigger problem for teens than little kids.

I wonder how the rate of increase in attacks on a 16 year old girl vs (let's say) a 6 year old girl corresponds to the greater frequency with which 16 year old girls are alone in places where they could easily be attacked? Also, most attacks on teenage girls come from someone they have been romantically involved with, which means the most frequent attackers of teens just don't exist in relation to a 6 year old. Stranger attacks are almost always attacks of oppertunity, and there are MANY more oppertunities to attack a teen than a child.

I do understand how un-likely a stanger abduction from a vehicle is, but I agree with some of the PPs that my kids won't stay in the car while I run into a store until they're old enough to get out and walk around alone if they feel like it. My oldest is 5 so we are totally not there yet.


----------



## Goddess3_2005 (Oct 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zebra15* 
We live in AZ and the answer is NEVER. A person can die in a car in a few short minutes from the heat here.

Now DS is 9 and he can stay home alone while I run errands for about an hr. but he can NOT stay in the car.

Yup here too. It would be a death sentence in the summer. When its cooler I even would hesitate to do it as there are so many illegals here and they have been known to steal cars with kids in them from time to time. If I was in a small town maybe different. Yet here in the big city I won't allow my kids to play in the front yard with out an adult and they certainly can't ride their bike with out an adult. Thats not because I am paranoid, but because of the world I live in today. WE ave three pedophiles living with in 1/2 mile of my home and we live in a very nice part of town. My daughters three friends were almost kidnapped just walking home from school. Our state is the kidnap capitol of America and I cringe to see people let their kids out of their site. Hopefully we can move to a safer place soon.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kreeblim* 
I wonder how the rate of increase in attacks on a 16 year old girl vs (let's say) a 6 year old girl corresponds to the greater frequency with which 16 year old girls are alone in places where they could easily be attacked? Also, most attacks on teenage girls come from someone they have been romantically involved with, which means the most frequent attackers of teens just don't exist in relation to a 6 year old. Stranger attacks are almost always attacks of oppertunity, and there are MANY more oppertunities to attack a teen than a child.

I do understand how un-likely a stanger abduction from a vehicle is, but I agree with some of the PPs that my kids won't stay in the car while I run into a store until they're old enough to get out and walk around alone if they feel like it. My oldest is 5 so we are totally not there yet.

My understanding is that even if you just look at stranger abduction, and don't include ex-boyfriends or anything like that, WAY more teenage girls are abducted. Also, teenagers are less likely to play outside alone so I don't think it's due to opportunity. The reason they're abducted so much more is because a much larger percentage of the population is attracted to teenagers than to pre-pubescent children.

I didn't leave my dd alone in the car until she and I both felt she could walk around outside alone though, and that was around the time she turned 8. She walks around the neighborhood to friends' houses all the time. Though really she might have been in the car alone for like 30 seconds while I returned a DVD or something before that, but she would have been within my line of sight the whole time.


----------



## Kreeblim (Dec 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
My understanding is that even if you just look at stranger abduction, and don't include ex-boyfriends or anything like that, WAY more teenage girls are abducted. Also, teenagers are less likely to play outside alone so I don't think it's due to opportunity. The reason they're abducted so much more is because a much larger percentage of the population is attracted to teenagers than to pre-pubescent children.

Do you have citations for any of that? Because I live in a really heavily populated area and I see TONS of teenagers just walking places all alone, whereas I can't remember seeing a child as young as 6 doing the same at any time in recent memory. Bus stops, parks, sidewalks, fields, malls, grocery stores etc. are all places where I see lots of lone teens (or even pre-teens) but almost never a 6 year old. And there are 3 elementary schools within walking distance so it's not for a lack of children.

I don't doubt that teenagers are more often the victim of abduction, I'd just like to see the actual stats or studies on why and under what circumstances.

Following your line of thought it's almost as if you are saying that my 6 year old girl is better off playing at the park by herself than with a 16 year old female babysitter, because she is more likely to be injured in the abduction of the 16 year old than to be abducted herself if she was there alone. I apologise if I have misunderstood, but if any speculation needs to be supported by studies and statistics, it's this kind of speculation.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kreeblim* 
Do you have citations for any of that? Because I live in a really heavily populated area and I see TONS of teenagers just walking places all alone, whereas I can't remember seeing a child as young as 6 doing the same at any time in recent memory. Bus stops, parks, sidewalks, fields, malls, grocery stores etc. are all places where I see lots of lone teens (or even pre-teens) but almost never a 6 year old. And there are 3 elementary schools within walking distance so it's not for a lack of children.

I don't doubt that teenagers are more often the victim of abduction, I'd just like to see the actual stats or studies on why and under what circumstances.

Following your line of thought it's almost as if you are saying that my 6 year old girl is better off playing at the park by herself than with a 16 year old female babysitter, because she is more likely to be injured in the abduction of the 16 year old than to be abducted herself if she was there alone. I apologise if I have misunderstood, but if any speculation needs to be supported by studies and statistics, it's this kind of speculation.

It was talked about in Protecting the Gift, but I don't remember the specifics.

Your 6-year-old would be less likely to be abducted than in the way of someone trying to abduct a 16-year-old, but your 6-year-old would have the potential of being injured in some other way if there weren't someone older there. Or at least the 16-year-old would be there to help if there were some other kind of injury. And other ways of being injured are much more common than abduction, so the 6-year-old would probably be safer with a 16-year-old, but not because of the potential of abduction.


----------



## ILoveMySofie (May 28, 2005)

hmmm i donno...never?









not being a smart a$$, but i just cant imagine it right now!


----------



## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I wouldn't let my child sit in the car.

Where I live I would be more worried about them being carjacked than kidnapped or expiring from heat.


----------



## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
It was talked about in Protecting the Gift, but I don't remember the specifics.

Your 6-year-old would be less likely to be abducted than in the way of someone trying to abduct a 16-year-old, but your 6-year-old would have the potential of being injured in some other way if there weren't someone older there. Or at least the 16-year-old would be there to help if there were some other kind of injury. And other ways of being injured are much more common than abduction, so the 6-year-old would probably be safer with a 16-year-old, but not because of the potential of abduction.

I can't believe this is the first reference to *Protecting the Gift*. It's a book every parent and caretaker needs to read.

In answer to the original question~ no time soon, and my oldest is 9.
I was a latch-key kid too at 7. Ran wild and probably coined the phrase free-range-kid







.
It's not only abduction that is my concern, it's accident, injury and random acts of violence. Really, to think about it, I can imagine each of us probably knows someone touched by random violence, accident or injury, if not ourselves. And I could never forgive myself or live with something happening to my children that could have been easily prevented.

That's my reasoning.
That said~ I don't judge another for allowing their 9 year old to wait in the car while they run into the corner store. That said, I ahve been a dawdling 'do-gooder' who hung around for a bit until a parent/grownup returned.


----------



## Minxie (Apr 15, 2008)

Here is a list of the laws in the various states from ndaa.org (National District Attorneys Association). It's a .doc file:

http://www.ndaa.org/pdf/Kids%20in%20Cars.doc


----------



## vja4Him (Jun 8, 2010)

I've always taken my boys shopping with me. I have taught them how to read all the labels, and price shop, and have pretty much weaned them off of junk food, which is now only a special treat.

I now make out two shopping lists -- one for myself, and the other for my boys. They also help put things away when we get home. My oldest son is now in charge of rotating the food in the freezers, refrigerators and all the shelves.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I don't know...depends on the kid, I think. I didn't get a driver's license until ds1 was 12, and I've always been okay leaving him in the car for brief periods of time. These days, I leave him with his siblings sometimes, especially if I'm just getting a couple of things.


----------



## MommatoAandA (Jun 4, 2010)

If I get my girls in the car and forgot something in the house, I will lock them in and run in. Never longer than 2 minutes and I can always see/hear them from my apartment. I have never left them in the car in a public place other than getting gas.


----------



## pdxmomazon (Oct 13, 2005)

Probably 8 or 9, but it depends on the kid.

I second/third the recommendation to read Protecting the Gift and Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy.


----------



## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

I thought of this thread today, as I ran my DS1 to the potty while ds2 was sleeping on the way home at a gast station.







There was just no freaking way I was going to the hassle of waking up, unbuckling and hauling ds2 into the gas station bathroom in order for ds1 to pee. Just. Wasn't. Hapenning.


----------



## Adventuredad (Apr 23, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MJB* 
My boys are 7 and 4 and beg to stay in the car when I'm doing something "boring." I leave them, with the heat on in cold weather or the windows cracked in nice weather. I would not leave them if it was over 75º out. They lock the doors and stay in the car talking or reading. I only leave them if they are together. They know not to unlock or open the doors unless there is an emergency.
My 7 yr. old walks home from school alone and will probably be allowed to stay home alone within the next year or two. He's proven himself over and over to be responsible and capable.
My mom always let me stay in the car reading as a kid, I biked over a mile to school at 6, I stayed home after school with my little sister starting at 7, and was babysitting other peoples' children at 10. Every memory I have of these things is of feeling trustworthy and competent and I don't believe the world is a more dangerous place now. My kid is more likely to be hit by a car crossing the parking lot with me, or get in a fatal wreck on the way to or from the store, than to be what? kidnapped from a locked car in a store parking lot? sitting in the car for 10 minutes.

I thought this was well written and makes good sense. Parents are often worried about totally wrong things and don't have a good concept of what's really safe and what's not.

This question is in reality impossible to answer since it depends so much on how a parent raise a child, the child itself, what country and area we are talking about, etc. I would personally have no problem leaving my 6.5 year old in the car for a while here in Sweden. He has from an early age proven to be very trustworthy.

Risk for kidnappings etc are about the same as an asteroid hitting my car.

There is no right or wrong way to do this since so many difficult factors are involved but it's still an interesting discussion to get a wider perspective on the issue.


----------



## RiverTam (May 29, 2009)

My boys are 5 and 7. They wait in the car while I go into a gas station to pay or grab drinks. They also wait in the car when I run into the dry cleaners. They've been doing that since they were around 4. They don't wait in the car when I go into the grocery store or the library or the bank. I think the difference is how long the errand will take. It's more than 5 minutes, i don't leave them in the car. I'm not worried about kidnapping/car jacking I'm worried that they'll decide to do something that leads to trouble.

When can they wait in the car alone for more than 5 minutes? 9 probably, 10 definitely. I'll try not to do that, though, because it bored me to death as a kid. I hated it. 9 or 10 is the age that I think they'll old enough to be home alone for about an hour.

I don't worry too much about kidnapping. It happens but it's as rare as hens' teeth. My kid is more likely to get cancer than he is to even know a kid that has been kidnapped. I'm not living my life based on the fear of a low incident/high damage event. I think it is damaging to my kids to worry about something like that. It teaches them to be afraid all the time.


----------



## ctdoula (Dec 26, 2002)

I think there is no *one* answer to this question! So much depends on location, situation, circumstances, etc.

I own a children's resale store and we have parents who pop in all the time while their children sleep in the car. We have a safe parking lot, they park right in front of our windows, and we actually offer them a baby monitor to put in the car to listen for their children if they want it. We live in a really family oriented, small town. I guess it's pretty laid back about this type of thing.

Personally, I've left my own kids (ages 5 & 8) in the car if I had to run into the co-op for some bread or into the library to return something, etc. But I wouldn't do it we were in a bigger parking lot, etc. Depends on situations.


----------



## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
Maybe the worst possible thing happened to them so they know how easy it is to happen to a child and they want to protect their kid from that pain. I don't see how other people's decisions as knowledgeable parents should in any way disturb someone who isn't in that family. It isn't as though they are making everyone in the parking lot come into the store with them so it in no way affects the people who choose not to believe that something bad will ever happen to their kid.

I do think, however that one can take it too far. Living in fear is not so great either. Personally, I am infinitely more paranoid about my kid getting hit by a car while she walks through a parking lot than her getting kidnapped. Still, I wouldn't leave a kid under 12 alone in a car, because I would worry about someone calling the cops on me. And I certainly wouldn't ever leave anyone in a hot car.


----------



## MammaB21 (Oct 30, 2007)

I think it depends on the kid and where you live.

DD is 4 and I've run in _very_ briefly before. For example, I've left something in the house I needed to grab, we're in a hurry, she's already buckled in....so I'll lock the car tell her to stay put and run in and out in a matter of 60 seconds. Now actually leaving her in the car while I go in to shop for 15minutes or more would probably never take place for our family.

I've seen a lot of people mention that if the kid can unlock and get out of the car if need be they would go ahead with it. I could see this totally being okay in a more rural area, but where we live this is actually the thing I would be most uncomfortable with. We live less than a half mile from downtown in a pretty good sized city. Most parking lots here are busy and people in our area are natoriously bad drivers. The way people zoom in and out of parking lots scares the crap out of me. I'd be too concerned that even at age 8 or so, she would be just small enough not to spot in a busy parking lot. Also, anywhere we go for shopping sake is pretty busy. Well, busy enough that I couldn't be confident that she would be able to go right in and find me if she needed to. So basically if I ever left her in the car it would have to be a case of "Stay put until I get back." which I'm not comfortable doing unless for a very short time.

Like some others have said, I think I'll probably feel more comfortable leaving her at the house alone for short periods of time before I would feel safe with her in the car.


----------



## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

My mom started letting us sit alone in the car while she ran an errand... hmm well I'm sure I was in middle school by then. Close to or an actual teenager. We lived in a pretty small safe city, and we knew to keep the doors locked. Oh, I remember maybe being a bit
younger but big sister being there, too.

If there was a reason to, I guess I'd do it about the same age. I'm sure my mom wanted to be able to run an errand quickly, but sometimes she just knew we'd rather sit and talk or sit on our own and space out than come with her into a friend's house to drop something off, or whatever.

Right now, I'll leave DD in the carseat in the garage, and run back inside very quickly. I used to close the garage door, but I don't always, I just lock the car.


----------



## tashantx (Sep 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Minxie* 
Here is a list of the laws in the various states from ndaa.org (National District Attorneys Association). It's a .doc file:

http://www.ndaa.org/pdf/Kids%20in%20Cars.doc

thanks!


----------



## amber87507 (Jan 21, 2003)

Caden is 7 and asks if he can stay in the car, usually when he's tired'ish. The answer is always "NO!" lol.
Just ain't happening. To me he just seems so little, he's smart but he just doesnt have the skills to go there yet, and Im not sure when either he or I will be ready.

Sometimes he gets to stay in the car if someone else is w/us and they dont mind hanging out in the car (ie PaPa) so he just always asks anyway lol.

Im pretty much home all the time now w/my lovely morning sickness (all day sickness) so he never really has to go on errands now if he doesnt want to, he can just stay home.

The kid only likes shopping if he knows he's getting something out of it, otherwise it's boring and sometimes it overstimulates him, but I digress.

I remember once I left my dog in car w/the windows half way down and I was at a Sally's beauty supply and COPS came in looking for the lady who was abusing her dog by leaving him in the car for 15 minutes.
I think it didnt help that I *KNOW* he was freaking out because I was gone. lol
He started panting and jumping up all crazy as soon as I closed the door so I knew I wouldnt be gone long. Only cuz he's not use to being left in the car and he's very umm "attached" to me lol, he's like MOMMIE where are you going? lol
I was the one freaked out when the cops came in. Yeah, it was warm but now HOT, he was fine, I love my dog I wouldnt have been gone long enough to where he had heatstroke or anything ugh!
Imagine if I had left my kid in the car?









OH and my kid is pretty darn _attractive_, another reason I couldnt leave him in the car alone


----------



## MommaCrystal (May 25, 2006)

Pretty much never! Like someone else said... not entirely because I fear something awful would happen to my child (injury, abduction, wondering off etc). But I fear someone would call the cops!

It happened near me a couple of weeks ago. The mom is facing charges for leaving her 7 year old for about 20 minutes. OYE!

http://www.wfsb.com/news/23935216/detail.html

In searching for that article I found the story of a mom who left her 9 year old, 2 year old, and 1 year old for 15 minutes was arrested last January and had her kids taken away! Are you KIDDING me? Taken away?

http://www.yourct.com/2010/01/woman-...g-kids-in-car/

In my state I guess the magic age for leaving kids alone is 12. Sheesh! My mom would have been given a life sentence for what she did with me. I was a latch key kid starting at the age of 6! I sat in the car alone all the time from probably 4 or 5 on.

I don't think the world is more dangerous today but I wouldn't do these things because I fear being arrested and loosing my children.


----------



## FaithfulOne (Apr 12, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife* 
gosh, I can't even imagine my kids not wanting to go into the store with me. In fact, as soon as we pull up somewhere, all four are fu-reaking out b/c they want to come inside with me - and I have to choose who to leave (with DH) in the car and who to take in...or if I'm in a mood, I leave them all and let him deal with their craziness.









No, but seriously, I dunno. Maybe 12-13? My older two kids are 9 and 7 and even if I could talk them into it, I don't think I'd feel comfy leaving either one of them while I go shopping. If it were a quick in and out thing like gas/library books/dry cleaners/pizza pick-up - then maybe.


----------



## emnic77 (Sep 12, 2009)

my 11 year old is very mature, and has her black belt in karate. I know that sounds silly, but her sensei is VERY big on self defense for kids her age and I'm pretty confident that if someone tried to grab her, she could defend herself enough to get free. She couldn't have passed her test if she couldn't get away from a 200 lbs sensei trying to grab her (and he doesn't screw around). That said, I'm probably overly cautious. Usually my 5 year old is with me, and the baby, so I would not put her in a position of being in charge of the two of them unless it was a very fast errand and I could see the car from where I am (the post office, dropping off the bunny at the vet this morning). Never for shopping or anything. If it's just her and I, she generally wants to go with me anyway.
For DS, he will sometimes ask to stay in the car when we stop at home for something in between trips (for dd's karate gear, etc) but not longer than 2-4 minutes. I'll admit I'm also worried about someone calling the police over it.

She's allowed to walk the 1 mile to her school by herself, there are crossing guards and it's very populated and her entire middle school pretty much walks home so there are kids everywhere. Plus, she always has her cell phone. I tend to be nervous, like i said, but when I was a kid her age I would ride my bike 5 miles to a friend's house in a very rural, sparcely populated area where looking back on it, it would be WAY easier for someone to grab me - no one would ever see it - than for someone to grab her. Like someone else said, I'd be more worried about accidents than I would be about someone grabbing them.


----------



## BabyMae09 (Sep 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scottishmommy* 
I do think, however that one can take it too far. Living in fear is not so great either. Personally, I am infinitely more paranoid about my kid getting hit by a car while she walks through a parking lot than her getting kidnapped. Still, I wouldn't leave a kid under 12 alone in a car, because I would worry about someone calling the cops on me. And I certainly wouldn't ever leave anyone in a hot car.

I agree with this. But. When I was 7, I was practicing walking home alone for the 1st time (yes, the VERY first) and my Mom was waiting at the halfway point with my little brother, in our minivan.

A man pulled up in an Orange VW Bug, and asked me if I'd like to see his penny. I think he said penny. I may have blocked the real word out









I said, my Mom is waiting right down there, and pointed down the block towards where she was, and the guy drove off.

Freaky, right?

So... I am way cautious with my kids anywhere in public.

That said, DS, who is 8, runs around our 5 acres and goes down near the river by himself almost every day. I can't see him, but we're always within shouting distance.


----------



## Pookietooth (Jul 1, 2002)

It's illegal here, not sure there's an upper age limit. I would say probably 13 or so, at which point you could just leave them at home -- safer and easier.


----------



## yansmommy (May 30, 2008)

As a child I was left in the car a lot...I did not like it. Then last year I heard a story about a woman who was taking her kids and some children that she babysat somewhere. She literally ran in-but due to a problem with her engine, the car burst into flames. The kids, who were young and in carseats could not get out. I can't imagine watching that. Since then, I don't think I could do it at all.


----------



## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

I left all 3 of mine in the car to pay for gas a couple times in the last couple months. And I left them when I ran in the car seat I rented from the car company, since I'd only needed it to get home. And the only thing I worried about was busybodies noticing them and freaking out.


----------



## Hazelnut (Sep 14, 2005)

I agree with this. My oldest is 7 and I live in a safe neighborhood, but throw in young boys, a car, street or parking lot....just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. I really try not to be paranoid, but this is something I wouldn't feel comfortable doing for a long while. And if I were comfortable, I still wouldn't b/c I'd fear someone calling the police.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabearsoblessed* 
I can't believe this is the first reference to *Protecting the Gift*. It's a book every parent and caretaker needs to read.

In answer to the original question~ no time soon, and my oldest is 9.
I was a latch-key kid too at 7. Ran wild and probably coined the phrase free-range-kid







.
It's not only abduction that is my concern, it's accident, injury and random acts of violence. Really, to think about it, I can imagine each of us probably knows someone touched by random violence, accident or injury, if not ourselves. And I could never forgive myself or live with something happening to my children that could have been easily prevented.

That's my reasoning.
That said~ I don't judge another for allowing their 9 year old to wait in the car while they run into the corner store. That said, I ahve been a dawdling 'do-gooder' who hung around for a bit until a parent/grownup returned.


----------

