# Need help -2 year old refusing to go to sleep without me



## Pernillep (Jan 2, 2007)

My 25 month old was just transitioned to a big boy bed. He was miserable in the crib and would refuse to go to sleep, crying when we put him in. We though maybe he was uncomfortable as he is weighing more and the mattress is not super comfortable beyond infant stage.

We started with a full mattress on the floor so he could get used to sleeping somewhere else and just yesterday we put the frame up. We have been making a big deal out of the big boy bed and he is very excited about it. He tells me several times a day that he wants to sleep in the big boy bed. Just not without me it appears.

The problem is he is still fighting going to sleep just now he can get in an out as he pleases. I am laying down with him to see if I can get him to go to sleep. It still takes anywhere from 1-2 hours from the time we turn the lights out. We do bath, playing quietly in his room and then some days a story. He is not a big reading to kid at night. He will rather "read" by him self. Then we sing a good night song and turn the lights out.

From when lights go out he continues to get in and out of bed for a very long time. He chases the cat, goes to get toys, tries to play peek-a-boo with me or otherwise crawls all over me. I cannot get him to lay down and go to sleep. I tried tugging him in but he cannot stand having his feet covered and has a meltdown if I put a blanket over him.

A few night I have tried to give him options. He can go to sleep and mommy will lay down with him or if he wants to continue to play mommy will go downstairs. I don't think he really understands. He says on thing then does the opposite. I tried saying good night and leaving but he stands at the baby gate and yells for me. No matter how tired he is he will not go into bed. The latest we tried was 10:30 and he was still standing at the gate. The second I put him into bed and crawled in with him he was out. Last night we started the night routine at 7:30 and by 9:30 he was still hyper and running around. I left. At 10 he was still up standing at the gate calling for me so i went in there. Put him down and he was out cold. Once he is a sleep he only wakes about once a night sometimes not at all.

He does nap in daycare from about 12:30 -2pm

So, how do I get him to go to sleep by him self. I am 28 weeks pregnant and very soon it is not going to be possible for me to sleep in his bed every night or to go through 2 hours of being jumped on.

Any great ideas or suggestions?


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## jenniel73 (May 14, 2009)

I don't have any suggestions as i'm dealing with a similar issue here at home. my 25 month old girl was up till 10 last night "playing" even when i was in bed with her! Can't wait to see some responses!


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## Santosha Mama (Feb 1, 2009)

I can say I have lived through the same situation and it is finally better... (sorry this is long...)

I transitioned my little one to his big boy bed at 25 months since his little brother was due a month later and we needed his crib. (So we thought...new baby is 4 months old now and still not using it, but that is a seperate post.







) Anyway, until a week ago (he is now 30 months), it would take us hours to put him to sleep while laying next to him. Our bedtime routine was all over the place since I am normally home with both kids by myself. I had resolved to let him watch a movie and get him to bed by 9:30 since he never fell asleep before then anyway. For some reason (craving some sanity) I decided that last week we were trying a different approach i had read about on several parenting websites. I had been hesitant to try this since I loved snuggle time with him at night, but it had turned into a time of pleading, fighting, frustration, so it was time to try something different.

I printed out several clip art pictures of our bedtime routine we wanted to follow. (bath, brush teeth, put on pjs, turn on music, read 1 book, go to sleep) I got out butcher paper and cut out the pictures with my 2 year old and had him glue them on the paper as we talked about each picture and what we do each night...and in what order. (I even pointed out the boy in the bed had a cover on, his eyes closed, a smile on his face (no yelling or crying), and it was dark in his room.) Then I resolved to start the process at 730 each night, no matter what...and when I turned out the light and said 'good night, sweet dreams, i love you' every night it would mean that I left the room and he stayed in his room to go to sleep. we talked a lot about that part throughout the day (and for several days) and I told him I would be right there on the couch, but it was his time to go to sleep.

The first night was terrible...he got out of bed and came looking for me 20 tiimes (I counted). I calmly put him back in bed each time, as he was crying, but always telling him i loved him, sweet dreams, good night. The second night was hard, too. (He told my husband and I that he was sad we werent sleeping with him and he had all of this room in his room for us...amongst tears...about broke our hearts...but we resolved to try it for 1 week...) On the 4th day, he only came out 4 times and fell asleep with no tears. For the last 2 nights, he hasnt come out at all and hasnt cried at all. When there is a disagreement about no wanting to put on pjs or take a bath, i ask him to go look at his chart posted on the wall to remind him what comes next. Kind of like "well, i am not telling you to do this...we have to because that is what the chart says."









I know this is a very long post (sorry), but I am so proud of him for now falling asleep on his own and our bedtime story reading is now pleasant, rather than a precurser to 1-2 hours of squirming, crying, bargaining, etc. Good luck to you both!! Hopefully with some consistant routine, patience, and time it will get better.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I think that at only 2yrs old it is perfectly normal that he needs to sleep with mom.

Could you make him a sleeping space in your room?

-Angela


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## gigismom (Nov 26, 2001)

sounds to me like he is not tired yet... or not enough to fall asleep anyway. i would just let him stay up and play quietly until he is really tired then lay down with him until he falls asleep. all of my kids went through a phase between 18 mo and 2 1/2 or so that they wanted to stay up later. i just make that night time play time quiet and don't even bother to try to put him/her to sleep until he/she is ready. otherwise, i spend the entire evening trying to get (and keep) the baby to sleep. this was also a nice time because it was a time that i could spend with only the little one without the other bigger kids taking all of the attention. my dd2 (will be 5y in July) JUST started (like 2 weeks ago) falling asleep without me sitting with her.... the reason this started is because ds (18 months at the time we started this) suddenly wasn't ready to sleep at 8pm like he always had been. he did not want to sleep at that time and i could no longer sit beside dd2 (nursing ds down to sleep) until dd2 fell asleep because ds was on the go. he was keeping her awake. so now i sit with her for a brief time, then kiss and hug and leave to let ds burn off his end of day steam and she falls asleep on her own. ds then falls asleep about an hour or so later. it is such a trick trying to figure out their needs and meet them sometimes... when some routine stops working, change it....but being flexible and getting rid of expectations really has helped me sooo many times with varying challenges. my mantra: don't fight the flow....

peace

jen


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

You might be missing an earlier sleep window. How about starting the sleep routine at around 6:30- dim the lights, quiet play, bath, stories. Then in bed.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I think that at only 2yrs old it is perfectly normal that he needs to sleep with mom.

Could you make him a sleeping space in your room?

-Angela

I agree--he sounds very normal to me.


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## Enudely (Jul 2, 2005)

I agree with starting earlier. My dd is 3 and we try to have her asleep by 7:15. Maybe you can watch him very closely for signs of sleepiness and try to get him down earlier? I like the chart on the wall idea too.







s: It's the _worst_ when they're squirming around and won't go to sleep and you're wiped out at the end of the day. That's when I lose my patience fast.


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## Omsmom (Dec 11, 2006)

Sounds totally normal to me too - and it sounds like he may not be tired. How about moving his nighttime routine later - 8:30 instead of 7:30? The only way DS will sleep anytime before 9pm is if he doesn't take a nap and then too he will wake up around 10 pm if I'm not in bed with him.

Its not unusual for a child to not want to sleep alone - I don't like to sleep alone and I'm 33 so why should he.


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## Selesai (Oct 26, 2005)

I agree with some of the other posters-- I think your son wanting to fall asleep with you is probably normal for the age.

The fact that he takes so long to fall asleep suggests to me that it's not a good sleep window (too early or too late-- when does he wake up in the am?) and also that maybe he is just stimulated by his new surroundings. My DS (35 mo) will run around the room and play games when he is overtired. Usually if I put him to bed one hour before that time, he's fine.

I also agree with a PP that it is NOT worth spending hours trying to get the kid to bed. I did that when my son was small and once DD came along (15 mo) I realized how silly it was. If you try for, say 30 min to put him to sleep and he isn't substantially on the way by that time, then stop. That was my rule. Oh, and don't stress about it.

Finally, I don't agree that it's necessary to teach a kid this age to fall asleep by themselves. My DS still needs me there to fall asleep, and only recently has he learned to nap without me and to go to nap by himself. I think it's normal, and I am very proud that he has never had to cry before going to sleep. If I try to leave him to fall asleep by himself, usually he will just crawl after me, crying, and there's no way I can turn that down.


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