# July 2009: Healing Thread



## dinahx (Sep 17, 2005)

Hey mamas! I wanted to start a thread for us from the July DDC to focus on healing.

Right now I am taking antibiotics (yuck) and Iron supplements to build my blood back up. I am also taking some Homeopathics, one for grief, one for indifference, and one for supparation (passing any remaining tissue). I have a follow up with my midwife on Feb. 7.

If you are doing anything healing related, please share!


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

There were so many of us from July DDC.









I'm taking 2mg (not micrograms, milligrams) of folic acid, lots of prenatal vitamins, and trying to not stress out too much. I got some chiropractic work done yesterday, which was nice.

I'm 4DPO on my first (I think!) ovulation since my D&C 5.5 weeks ago, as confirmed by OPK and mittelshmertz. We made a dash for the egg and I hope we caught it! Testing to occur on Groundhog day.


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## 2sweetboysmom (Aug 1, 2006)

I had my loss medically documented on Friday. Our friends from church were great, bringing food and watching my 3 boys.
I was feeling very defeated and low today. I realized every time my uterus contracted I was tensing up. When I went to spend some time on my own I realized while my logical head KNOWS it is over and time to let go, my heart (and body to a large extent) still believe I am pregnant and are not willing to turn this baby loose. Once I saw this I prayed and asked God to help me to let go.
My contractions are not picking up, even now that I have accepted this, they are sporradic and piddly. I know (for my own health and for my being the wife and mommy to my family) that if there is any way to avoid a D&C or hemmorage (long recovery time) I need to do that...So I am facing a cytotec induction early this coming week. But then I realized (this is where the healing part is)...
_*I NEED this baby to have a place, I need to bury this baby and have a location to go-to to remember this lost life...*_
But what hospital around here will allow me to take my child's remains??? None, except one, and only then if I have a funeral home pick them up. So, I called local funeral homes and discovered best case scinario we were looking at 1,200 ish dollars (pick up 500, casket 200, internment 500) I don't have that money!!! And while I would not struggle with cremation for my parents or husband I simply cannot wrap my head around the idea for any of my children
My child needs a place.
I called many many places and could not find one who cared or had a place for miscarried infants. I was desparate. So I called home (Central Valley Calif.) to see if there were any funeral directors that I still knew who might be willing to work with me. Yes, a friend of a friend , but close enough to want to help.
So, now I need to induce/deliver up there. I called one of the little community hospitals (but still rated level 2) and for the first time today spoke with a gentle sympathetic, understanding labor and delivery nurse. She talked me thru their polices and procedures for miscarriage and still births, and assured me that it was just fine for my selected funeral director to pick up the remains.
Furthermore I discovered that my little one can be buried above my, much loved, great grandmother in the city cemetery for not too much money. I feel so relieved. I started the day having no idea how I was going to navagate this loss and now I know what *I need* to do to feel peace, and most importantly for me...
My child has a place.


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

2sweetboysmom,

I'm so sorry









How far along were you when you lost your little one?


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## dinahx (Sep 17, 2005)

Wow! I am sorry you had to go through all that 2sweetboys, but I am glad your persistence has gotten you what you need. DH and I are supposed to have a small ceremony on our land today. It is a little weird because what if we move someday? But for now that is the best place. We are really only burying the placenta, IMO.

(((Hugs)))


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## 2sweetboysmom (Aug 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrsbabycakes* 
How far along were you when you lost your little one?

According to various measurments, and the absence of any real deterioation visible on the u/s, I lost the baby this past week, I was 15 weeks on Monday.
My belly and the placenta measure 15.5 weeks.
My baby though seems to have ceased growing at 11w5d, only 4 days after I saw a healthy, busy, 178bpm baby at my dating ultrasound. At that time 'button" measured exactly according to my dates.
(Warning: the following is just me, casting about for answers, it is by no means good medical science. Further, it is off topic.)My last baby (now 18 months) received a diagnosis of IUGR, but when he was born with a tight knot in his cord, the IUGR was thought to have been due to that. Now I am realy wondering,...since it is fairly obveous that this one stopped growing long before passing and my placenta continued to grow. Perhaps my 18 month old truely was IUGR and the knot was incidental.


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2sweetboysmom* 
According to various measurments, and the absence of any real deterioation visible on the u/s, I lost the baby this past week, I was 15 weeks on Monday.
My belly and the placenta measure 15.5 weeks.
My baby though seems to have ceased growing at 11w5d, only 4 days after I saw a healthy, busy, 178bpm baby at my dating ultrasound. At that time 'button" measured exactly according to my dates.
(Warning: the following is just me, casting about for answers, it is by no means good medical science. Further, it is off topic.)My last baby (now 18 months) received a diagnosis of IUGR, but when he was born with a tight knot in his cord, the IUGR was thought to have been due to that. Now I am realy wondering,...since it is fairly obveous that this one stopped growing long before passing and my placenta continued to grow. Perhaps my 18 month old truely was IUGR and the knot was incidental.

Oh dear. I'm so sorry. I would have been 15 weeks in two days from now. How awful. I'm glad that you've found a resting place.


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## clicksab (Oct 15, 2006)

There are too many of us from the July ddc!
I had my last follow up with my midwife this past week, it seems like my body is "back to normal". I'm still taking prenatals, but I should really be taking them all the time anyways. Other than just generally trying to stay in good health, I'm not doing anything "special". I am actually hoping to NOT conceive for at least a couple months. I'm just not ready for it physically or emotionally.

The 23rd was my DD's 2nd birthday but it was also one month from the day we found out we lost our little one. It was a crazy emotional day for me...celebrating life and mourning a loss at the same time. But I got through it...and more than that, I was even able to truly enjoy my DD on her day. I didn't think I could treasure her any more than I already did, but she is even more precious to me now!

Hope the rest of you are healing well


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## patronus (Dec 21, 2008)

i'm still taking prenatals, but i switched to one that has dha in it. and i've recommitted to my workouts. during my pregnancy because of not feeling good and travel i had dropped down to once a week. now i'm back up to 3+.


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## dinahx (Sep 17, 2005)

Oh I should order more prenatals . . . Right now I am just taking Iron. I think it does have B12 and Folic Acid in it though . . . I also am not going to TTC until at least March 3 (I am on pelvic rest until then!) I am going to start taking CLO now that I am not pregnant. It is a high vitamin CLO so I wasn't sure about taking it during first trimester, but I know I could use the vitamin D!


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## ratrodgrl (Nov 8, 2008)

So where I'm at: I m/c'd the 20th of December, had a real period on the 17th of Jan. and now I'm waiting to ovulate. I have really been meaning to get back to exercises I couldn't do while pregnant (i.e., pushups) but I think I've 'exercised' less post miscarriage. However, I've been way more active, so maybe it's all balancing itself out. I've been doing a lot of heavy work preparing my garden for spring, and running around after my toddler. I'd like to lose the last 2 lb. and at least be pre-prego weight before getting prego again









As for healing, I'm taking B-50, prenatal and a baby aspirin. I've been going through a booklet on grieving from hospice, after the death of my MIL, and it has been helpful for both losses. It was interesting reading this snippet: "When a deep grief comes the mind goes into shock so the reality can gradually dawn. If it hit all at once, no one could stand it." It seems like things hit in waves for me, there was a big tsunami when I m/c'd, and then it eased and then hit again, eased and hit... I can't keep dates out of my mind. Thinking, I would be 14 weeks this week. Thinking about our anniversary (10 this year!) and remembering that I would have been enormously pregnant by then. Remembering the first date of my last period: 10/17, remembering the day I found out I was pregnant: 11/9. But I don't try to push the thoughts out, just embrace them and feel the loss.


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## patronus (Dec 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ratrodgrl* 
So where I'm at: I m/c'd the 20th of December, had a real period on the 17th of Jan. and now I'm waiting to ovulate. I have really been meaning to get back to exercises I couldn't do while pregnant (i.e., pushups) but I think I've 'exercised' less post miscarriage. However, I've been way more active, so maybe it's all balancing itself out. I've been doing a lot of heavy work preparing my garden for spring, and running around after my toddler. I'd like to lose the last 2 lb. and at least be pre-prego weight before getting prego again









As for healing, I'm taking B-50, prenatal and a baby aspirin. I've been going through a booklet on grieving from hospice, after the death of my MIL, and it has been helpful for both losses. It was interesting reading this snippet: "When a deep grief comes the mind goes into shock so the reality can gradually dawn. If it hit all at once, no one could stand it." It seems like things hit in waves for me, there was a big tsunami when I m/c'd, and then it eased and then hit again, eased and hit... I can't keep dates out of my mind. Thinking, I would be 14 weeks this week. Thinking about our anniversary (10 this year!) and remembering that I would have been enormously pregnant by then. Remembering the first date of my last period: 10/17, remembering the day I found out I was pregnant: 11/9. But I don't try to push the thoughts out, just embrace them and feel the loss.

wow, our dates are almost identical. mine: lmp 10/13, bfp 11/7, d&c 12/19, first period 1/18. last week was the week i planned to tell my coworkers and i was depressed all week.
i really hear you about the waves. i was saying to dh last night that the sheer diversity of emotion is what makes it hard to handle. if i were just depressed, i think it would be easier. instead, i have a grab bag of: sadness, rage, envy, and fear i'll never have a successful pregnancy - lather, rinse, repeat.
i'm jealous of your garden work! we just got a few more inches of snow and we've probably got another 2 months of winter to go. i can't wait for good weather to start working in my yard/garden and get the garage cleaned out.

i hope all of us july ddc mammas all get preggo and take our next ddc by storm!


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## welldone (May 30, 2003)

i'm sorry there are so many of us.

i passed winter on new year's day. i would have been 11 weeks, 6 days pregnant. i've been doing beta hcg tests weekly, and finally got down to 3 last wednesday. so i can stop going back to the lab with all the pregnant people.

i'll have my six week post-miscarriage followup in mid-february. my husband and i want to try again, but we're prayerfully waiting until april. as difficult as it is to wait, we want a separation between miscarriage and a new pregnancy. i'm trying to lose some weight, eat better, and focus on my kids.

plus, if i were to get pregnant this month, the baby would be the fifth in our family with an october birthday! leaving our dear second daughter with the only non-october birthday. we just couldn't do that to her. she already feels left out when mom, dad, sister, and brother have birthday parties and presents all month!

i'm taking my rainbow light once daily prenatals, cal/mag, an cod liver oil (when i remember it). i ate lots of seaweed soup to help replenish my iron (it's a korean thing).

as sad as i am that we're all here, i'm glad we have a group to identify with. it helps to have folks who "know."


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## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

I'm taking RL prenatals on alternate days with fish oil +D, iron, & a b-complex on the other days. I'm staring a round of penicillin tomorrow, as I just learned that the bacteria in my urine the day before I miscarried was not lactobacillus, as I suspected, but group B strep.

I am charting to avoid, and may have just ovulated. As much as I'd like to try again in a couple of months, we'll be avoiding until spring 2010. DH will be deploying sometime late this summer or fall, and we don't want to be pregnant while he is gone.

I just started reading Jon Cohen's _Coming to Term_, and I'm finding it to be fascinating & helpful.

I volunteer helping mothers and babies, mostly over the phone, and while it is healing to be helpful, it can also be very difficult not to be able to step away from the world of babies. I guess I really couldn't avoid it even if I didn't do this volunteer work...since we are in a military community there are babies everywhere. I have a feeling that's only going to get worse once I get past Stanley's due date.


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## dinahx (Sep 17, 2005)

MovingMama are you in Fville? A great friend of mine is there . . .

I should be on the regimen y'all are on! I am neglecting my vitamins too much, plus I definitely need D.

I read Unspeakable Losses which did help quite a bit!


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## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

Nope, we're USMC.

I don't know that I would be able to deal well with the abortion aspect of Unspeakable Losses. Are the divisions clean, or are the different types interwoven?


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## dinahx (Sep 17, 2005)

They are totally different chapters. I have had an abortion though in my life (that I both totally regret and am totally 'out' about, so that other women can witness/learn from my experience) so both parts were really healing for me. It was written from a very secular perspective though, it was more helpful just for identifying the feelings/phases I would go through ahead of time.


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

Well, I could have been both the March 2009 AND the July 2009 DDC.

My July 10 DD pregnancy was ectopic (emergency surgery on Thanksgiving, ruptured, loss of tube and 2 liters blood, went in through c-section scar due to lack of time).

I have been trying to lose weight, eat healthy and exercise. I just started taking prenatals and other vitamins the other day as I realized that I am starting to feel the pull to another baby/pregnancy. I am also drinking RRL tea in the mornings again. We gave ourselves a six month break though, for emotional and physical healing. I started on armour thyroid after pushing my FP to treat my subclinical hypothyroidism (TSH hovering around 4)and will meet with an endo in March. I also went for an MRI to find out about my back pain, and I have a protruding disc (the pain from this masked the ectopic issues which is why I ended up without a proper diagnosis and a ruptured tube) between the L5 and S1 vertebrae. I have been seeing a chiropractor and the pain is now minimal and I am healing. However, my FP has referred me to a pain management doctor on Friday, and I think they want to inject my spine with steroids. I think I will decline this at this time. I am still feeling pain at the incision site, which is normal, I remember that from my c-section recovery.

I have been charting to avoid and am on CD7 of the third cycle post ectopic. I had a really short LP with my first cycle, and a horrible period, but this last one was slightly more "normal" and I don't know if it is just healing or the thyroid meds that seems to be getting things back to normal.

As far as emotional healing, we planted a weaping yaupon holly bush to match the one we planted for my miscarriage of last summer. I also am making a memorial bracelet, but unfortunately one of the beads I bought for it did not have a proper hole in it, so I need to return it and get another one. I have a early loss support group one day a month, and I am hoping to go to that next week. I have gained some new friends that way.


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## patronus (Dec 21, 2008)

turtlewomyn,
you poor thing! that is some serious physical and emotional hardship








sending healing thoughts to you...


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *patronus* 
turtlewomyn,
you poor thing! that is some serious physical and emotional hardship








sending healing thoughts to you...

Thanks, I'll take them! However, I feel so much better physically right now than I did in say.....the end of November, and even better emotionally than I did in December that I feel really good, at least for today (I must be having a good day). My journey is my journey, and even though it has been tough it has brought some amazing people into my life, and changed my view points on things, and caused me to rethink other things. I have certainly grown in the last six months, for the better.


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

Thanks so much for starting this thread. My EDD was at the end of July. My loss was right around Christmas. There were so many losses in the July DDC I couldn't believe it. While I'm sure we all would have rather stayed in the DDC, I'm glad we can be here for each other.









I'm just getting done with the physical process, and I think AF just arrived (so hard to tell now that my body has been so wacky for a month plus!). I'm going to start charting - something I know zero about, so I just got the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and signed up for fertility friend online. Hopefully I'll figure it out.

My healing process involved letting myself off the hook for a while. I ate all of the ice cream I wanted, rested on the couch in my pajamas with pillows, a blanket, and a heating pad, and just took it easy and didn't go anywhere. That was just what I needed.

I should have been exercising and eating better, but that's what I'm going to do now. I'm going to try to walk a mile several times a week and get my health and weight to a better place. I'm going to continue taking prenatal vitamins and fish oil.

We want to start trying again in spring/summer this year so I'm hoping by then to have my health and our finances more in check. It's hard to wait but it's the right thing for us.

We'll be burying the mini-placenta (it's all I have, it's in a jar in the freezer) when the ground thaws. My best friend also got me a special memorial Christmas ornament, a bird.

I think this experience, while physically and emotionally devastating, has taught me so much, and here is what I am grateful for:

-I now know all about what kind of support I do and don't have.
-It has brought me and DP closer together.
-I feel incredible empathy for people who have experienced all kinds of losses, and I feel that through this experience I can help others and be there for them.
-I'm no longer afraid of birth.
-I'm much more prepared for pregnancy, and much more ready to have a baby than I ever was before.
-Finally, while I haven't met her (yet), I feel the presence of my little spirit baby Ruby fluttering around me at times, and it is the most wonderful, healing presence.









I wish you all healing and peace.

Much love,
J


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## welldone (May 30, 2003)

it's hard to think that i should be feeling my baby kicking around inside of me. i just calculated that i'd be 17 weeks now. instead, i just finished off my first post-miscarriage period. lovely.

but at least my body has healed and is moving on. my brain and heart are working on it, too.

my sister is due two weeks after i would have been due, so it's doubly difficult. i'm so happy for her, and yet, getting her weekly pregnancy updates and ultrasound pictures is just plain hard.

we saved winter, our baby, and will bury her when the ground thaws. i flushed her placenta, but now i wish i would have saved that, too.

some dear friends sent me a keepsake necklace. it's a silver engraved heart with winter's birthstone. i plan to wear it until it feels right to stop; then i will put it in a baby box with all of my other keepsakes that relate to winter. just like all my living children have.

for some reason, today has been very difficult. it ebbs and flows; maybe that means, if i ever fall asleep, tomorrow will be a good day.


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## ArtsyHeartsy (Nov 11, 2008)

Hello, I was on the July board briefly but lost my baby in December. I was shocked at how many people lost theirs, it's really sad. It has been hard because I know others that are due around the same time and nobody seems to understand how hard that is. I was also due this month...although I don't know anyone having babies right now, the July one will be harder since I know two people. I have been trying to think positive and move on but it's hard. I have resentments that I can't seem to shake, towards people that I thought were close to me and never really did anything to show support aside from email me. I know it makes people uncomfortable, but when you are there for everything they need it's rough to not get it in return.

It's also been hard because my daughter is 5 now, as of yesterday, and I wanted to have all of our kids 5 years apart, or sooner. Now that window is even closing...and it's just a constant reminder.

I will be seeing a psychologist to help with this. I have also been told to lose some weight just to help for next time, but when you are an emotional eater this is very difficult! I feel disgusting, as if I did this to myself...and this is all my fault.

I did get a commemorative ornament for our tree which was two birds (for both losses) and that's how I think of them, as our little birds that flew off. I don't know, maybe that's cheesy, but it helps.

I have learned from this and as millefleur said, I have so much empathy for those going through this and any loss. I feel that this has definitely changed me and not necessarily for the worst.









Something a little funny that has actually helped me even if it's not true, I got readings from the baby psychics. Both were different and of course I take it with a grain of salt but it was still fun and had a little glimmer of hope attached.

Thanks for reading, I'm sorry everyone is here but I am glad we have the support, this is such a difficult thing for others to understand!


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ArtsyHeartsy* 
I did get a commemorative ornament for our tree which was two birds (for both losses) and that's how I think of them, as our little birds that flew off.

That's exactly how I feel!


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## welldone (May 30, 2003)

how is everyone doing?

i met another big-bellied woman yesterday. she's due july 4. i'm really okay with it. i just think it's ironic, how many women due in july that i've met.

i think the fog has finally lifted. it has been one very long winter. but spring is bringing so much promise and life!

we are ttc again. it is exciting, but shrouded with worry and uncertainty, too.


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## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

Meh. I don't feel sad all the time, or even much, but I am having trouble with focus & motivation. I feel sooooo much better when I exercise, but the motivation thing is an impediment, and DH just started taking 2 college classes on top of his 10+ hr workdays, so it's harder to find the time as well.

I really wish we could ttc. My 2nd cycle (1st cycle?) post miscarriage is wonky: I'm on CD 37 and I think (hope!) I'm finally gearing up to O.


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## welldone (May 30, 2003)

shannon, my second cycle post miscarriage was wonky, too! i started spotting on 3/1, and spotted continually (very lightly) until my period started full blast on 3/5. it was really weird, and nothing like that has ever happened to me before.

i don't know whether to attribute it to post-miscarriage hormone craziness, or to seek out assessment for low progesterone or something. some people say that miscarriage screws with your cycle for a while.


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## patronus (Dec 21, 2008)

hi beautiful ladies,
i'm doing pretty well. in feb i had a chemical. it was a bummer, but it was really over before it had even sunk in that i was preggo. i did o 2 weeks after i got af but my lp was only 8 days. i'm hoping that it was out of whack due to the chemical pregnancy. otherwise, i usually have an 11 day lp.
we'll try again in a week when i o (fingers crossed).

it's sad because my 30th birthday is in a couple of weeks and i was really picturing crossing that milestone with a big belly









in my gut, i just feel that something is wrong and i'll probably have another loss before we figure it out. that sounds awfully pessimistic, but that's what my gut is saying.

on the other hand, i'm thinking about motherhood in a much bigger sense than i did before we had our loss. and i know with even more certainty that there is a baby at the end of my motherhood journey. it may be a tough road to get there, and that road may take turns i didn't expect (it already did!), but i know i will get there. i've got too much love in my heart and dh & i are too strong of a team not to be parents.

a few dark moments aside, i'm feeling much better emotionally and i am SO glad it's spring! sunshine is really helping.


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