# "tempting fate" with another baby?



## Ratchet (Mar 24, 2011)

I'm curious about other women/ families journey through deciding about family size, especially when things didn't go well for you with your first baby (-ies). I have a 1 and 4 year old- very very sick through the pregnancies, both born pre-term, now I'm the magical age of 35... I am not quite ready to make any decisions yet. One one hand, I just sort of have a feeling that I would like to do this again... on the other hand I feel like I got these 2 amazing children by the skin of my teeth and should not push it... or that it would be irresponsible of me to do it... What did other moms consider and decide?


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## metafisica (Mar 28, 2009)

Hi!! What a big question. Though controversial, I think deep down you know when it is enough for you. I started birthing at the age of 30 when I had my son. Before him I lost 3 babies. When DS was fife I gave birth to my twin girls, and now, two years later (I'm 37) I'm pregnant again, and I think this is it for me :grin: During all my pregnancies, though they were thank God uncomplicated and blessed with healthy children, I felt totally exhausted. For example now, I feel so guilty for not taking my children out for long walks, doing more montessori work, more Christmas baking, and just being overall more present because I am so tired and just want to be in bed all day long (anemia and fatigue). I feel so guilty because I will never have these days with them again. On the other hand, I always wanted a large family and since i am pregnant with a little boy to me it is so perfect having 2 boys and 2 girls :laugh:But now, at this age every test is such a stress, and body gets tired quicker, and it will be my third c-section, that I think I have reached the maximum size of my family..... Take it easy, think it through, reach down into your soul and consider the thoughts of your partner. Children are a blessing, but only you know your capacities and possibilities:smile:


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## WellspringFertility (Dec 22, 2015)

Remember every pregnancy is different - just because you were sick before doesn't necessarily mean you will be again. Likewise, having easy pregnancies in the past makes no guarantees for the future. We never know what tomorrow holds, but we can't let that stop us from living!

Also, I often hear people regret not having more kids, but I've never heard someone say "oh, I wish I hadn't had that last one". Talk it over with your husband, pray, and do what seems right. I think you've got this =)


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## TheBugsMomma (Mar 24, 2015)

We're getting ready to test fate too. I have a 2.5dd and I lost 2 before her. I've always wanted a large family, but my dd pregnancy was very hard and I almost bled to death after her birth so I'm scared to do that again. But I so badly want her to have a sibling and even when I said she may be an only child, I didn't really mean it. My garage is full of all her out grown things. Lol I am actively trying to get healthier before since my lifestyle was not as healthy before my dd. hopefully it helps. I would love a happy pregnancy! Hope you get one too!


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## Ratchet (Mar 24, 2011)

I can say with certainty my pregnancies will be physically challenging. 

It is essentially committing to a year of significant disability, not only regular maternity leave but probably a change in what I can do for work, etc. my husband will have to parent solo for most of my pregnancy. 

But it is a good point that when another being arrives, it is unlikely I would actually regret doing it again. Unless I have a bad outcome which of course could happen to anyone but is statistically more likely to happen to me than the average person. Whatever statistics mean, right? 

Hmmm. Thanks for the thoughts ladies!


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## Oceanspray (Nov 20, 2014)

Another way to look at it: 

1) the issue with whether you will be on disability and can do very little, turning your lives upside down (as I understand you saying) is something that you can plan for and manage. It may not even be as bad as you expect, but it is about bearing down and getting through it - you have done that and it sounds as if you may be prepared to do it again (you already repeated it once!)

2) the issue of risk of serious injury or worse during pregnancy and birth, to you or the child; if this is a significant concern for you based on your history, then I would want to research the issues I know are a problem, assess what the worse case scenarios are and how likely they are to occur, and whether I could manage them (and proactively try to avert them).

Those are two totally different questions to ask yourself. Maybe only one of them is the real issue, but your post suggests both. I feel as if they permit different comfort levels of control vs not-so-much-in-control of the outcome scenarios for you.

Good luck..... no one ever got hurt thinking about it or imagining it.... (well, maybe a little bit of heartache?!)


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## funfunkyfantastic (Feb 9, 2008)

I'm in the same position! I had PIH at 38 weeks with my first and gained 55 lbs of water weight (certainly wasn't my eating!), my 2nd I developed PIH at 30 weeks and pre-e at 36 weeks. I was on atenolol from 32 weeks on. I gained 70+lbs my 2nd pregnancy of water weight and was induced at exactly 37 weeks. During labor my bp was consistently high, but not enough to require iv medication for it. Both were summer pregnancies with dd's at the end of summer. I'm hoping that if I plan for a dd in late winter/early spring that my bp will be lower. Sure feels like tempting fate, but we want 1 more.


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