# What to call female genitalia



## BusyBee (Aug 6, 2004)

My husband and I are having a hard time finding anatomically correct, respectful names for female genitalia. With our son it was easier, for us the names penis and testicles etc are accurate and respectful. Vagina only works for a small little hole, but pee-pee doesn't come out of it and she is starting to potty train. Is there a term for the entire female genitalia as a whole. We thought of Yoni, but it just seems too cute. "Boys have a penis, girls have a yoni"... We thought of just "genitals", but that isn't sex specific. Any ideas? what works for you?


----------



## khrisday (Mar 18, 2002)

wel, we use yoni
I don't think it's "cutesy"- it's a sanskrit term
But I have friends who use "vulva"


----------



## BusyBee (Aug 6, 2004)

I never knew where "yoni" came from, I just heard it used several times. I didn't know it was a sankrit term. Thanks for informing me.


----------



## newmainer (Dec 30, 2003)

we use yoni too. it's easier for her to say, and honestly, I just can't say "vulva" all day







. When she's older we'll introduce those terms, but right now, yoni is fine. I refer to mine as yoni too, so it's not weird.


----------



## Justice2 (Mar 18, 2003)

From Holitstic Midwifery:

"Yoni is an East Indian word and was the primary object of Tantric worship, representing the Great Mother, the source of all life."

It's was we use too.


----------



## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

We use vulva, which is the medically accepted name for the external female genitalia in English.

I've heard, and had confirmed by those who educate on child abuse, that abusers avoid children who know the accurate names for their private parts. No room for interpretation when the child can state clearly what was touched in words that don't need parental translation.


----------



## Jordansmommy (May 26, 2004)

I am also in favor of yoni though I still have to convince DH....

However this is a hilarious bit on the topic: Cheeseburgers


----------



## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

We use vulva, but when I was showing my niece how to wipe BooBah (she's seven and likes to help) I explained that the two lips were labia and that the whole thing (on the outside) is a vulva. I'm with Meiri-- I will use the correct terms because I've heard that it helps to prevent child sexual abuse. It also eliminates irritating cutesy talk from other people, it tends to stop them cold when they hear a child say something like "it's not a hoohoo, it's a vulva" or "it's not a weewee, it's a penis."
















At Thanksgiving dinner, apparently some of my brother's IL's were teasing my niece and calling her by my son's name. She told them "I'm not Eli, I don't have a penis," and they all stopped cold. :LOL


----------



## carolsly (Oct 5, 2004)

We call them girl parts and boy parts. 6yo dd is being taught the proper names right now because she is in a more public setting and she needs to know the names. In turn, she will probably teach our younger dd. We're okay with our bodies in this house and talk about them freely and what the function of each part is. It's our choice. "wash your girl parts." is a common phrase in this house.


----------



## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Meiri*
We use vulva, which is the medically accepted name for the external female genitalia in English.

I've heard, and had confirmed by those who educate on child abuse, that abusers avoid children who know the accurate names for their private parts. No room for interpretation when the child can state clearly what was touched in words that don't need parental translation.

This is EXACTLY why we have chosen to just call their private parts what they are- Penis, vulva, vagina, scrotum, etc......

I also feel that I call my head - a head and my hand - a hand. I don't feel that just because my private parts are well, private that they need a cute name. I say call them what they are.


----------



## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I try to use the correct names, dh just says "private parts".
I want dd to feel that there isn't anything more embarrasing or dirty about proper terms for her genitals than her elbow or mouth so I don't do slang. I think it will make open communication easier.
I also want her to know the parts of her body so she can tell me or a medical professional if there is a problem and where it is.


----------



## Katie Bugs Mama (Feb 1, 2004)

We use "vulva" too. When she was really little, DH used to call her whole diaper area her "euphamism." :LOL


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

We use vulva.
When dd was littler, she called it "front heiny" and "back heiny"--even though we used the word vulva









Just curious: for those (like us) who use anatomical terms for the genitals, are you equally specific for the buttocks? We never use that word


----------



## jadegirl553 (Mar 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katie Bugs Mama*
"euphamism."









: that is so funny!


----------



## Lula's Mom (Oct 29, 2003)

We use vulva (and we just say "butt", sunnmama.) Lula loves knowing the words- in fact, last week she made up a song to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"...

_"Vulva,vulva, butt butt butt..."_ :LOL


----------



## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama*
Just curious: for those (like us) who use anatomical terms for the genitals, are you equally specific for the buttocks? We never use that word









We use anus for anus, but we rarely say buttocks. For some reason, the word buttocks always sets me off laughing and thinking of Monty Python...







:







:LOL I usually say "behind" or "backside."


----------



## AnnMarie (May 21, 2002)

We use vulva too. I don't know why, but I hate the term yoni. I don't see what's wrong with just calling it what it is?


----------



## poppywise (Sep 16, 2004)

hi - i have a 4 yr old son and an 18month daughter - agreed that the male genitalia was much easier for some reason







? thanks for all the info. my dd is too young for 'elimination communication' to start, but we were having to field questions from ds about her parts [or lack thereof in his opinion! :LOL ]
i was planning to go with 'yoni' - i find it to be a gentle/soothing word, but i now understand the importance of just calling it what it is! thanks-jennifer


----------



## bec (Dec 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jordansmommy*
However this is a hilarious bit on the topic: Cheeseburgers


What's amazing is if you read down to the comments, so few people use the correct terms (or even Yoni). It's like there is this compulsion to not talk directly about genitals. The extent and crackpot names that they do come up with is amazing! Hoo-hoo, cha-cha, bottom system, front butt, the list goes on and on! Can you imagine not knowing the name for such a basic part of your body?!

Bec


----------



## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

I use genitals for general ("Please don't touch your genitals in public"), penis/scrotum/testicles/urethra when talking boy specifics, and clitoris/vulva/vagina/urethra when talking girl specifics. I've called the anus "anus" before, when cleaning a diaper ("I need to make sure I got your anus all clean!"), but since what I'm usually working on is between or on the butt cheeks, I usually say "butt". (I have the same association between Monty Python and "buttocks"!)

Of course, as has been previously mentioned, what kids actually /hear/ may end up being completely different! But, if used regularly, kids will pick up and use those words correctly, just like all other words.

On a related note, breasts are only "boobs" or "boobies" or anything other than "breasts" when I'm telling a joke or being particularly silly (I told DH the other day "you elbowed my booby! my booby hurts now" and he couldn't stop laughing. it's a really funny word). Other than that, (including when a baby is nursing) they're BREASTS.

But then, my mom's a family doc, and I grew up talking colonoscopies and contraception at the dinner table. *shrugs*


----------



## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Our dd is 3, and we use vulva with her, we haven't gotten any more specific with her about labia, urethra, etc yet. Although I'm expecting, so I did tell her that the baby will come out of my vagina, which is a hole inside my vulva. We prefer the correct medical terminology. I think that there's no more shame in naming the genitals than any other part of the body. Although I guess we do say "butt" or "behind" rather than buttocks (right there with you on the Monty Python reference!).

Just the other day, my dh was taking a shower and she decided she wanted to try a shower too (she usually takes baths). When she got in, she looked at him for a minute, then pointed at him and said, "What's that?!?" He was a little taken aback, because she's never noticed before, but he told her, "That's my penis, it's where my pee comes out." And she said, "Oh. My pee comes out of my vulva." Then she though for another minute and said, "You have a penis and I have a vulva." Dh just said, "Yup, that's right." and left it at that.


----------



## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

It sure is telling about our culture that we have been so deeply socialized to be uncomfortable calling a vulva a vulva! I consider "yoni" a euphemism. It is a correct term in another language. Out of context, it's just as meaningful as "hoo hoo". (Additionally, it is also a misnomer in Sanskrit--it translates to "vagina", which only names what is inside and not the outside genitalia that a little girl can see, touch and feel.)

The point about sexual abuse is an excellent one. I also think it's really important for girls to be able to identify, think, and talk about their genitals for positive reasons. How can you be completely comfortable with your sexuality when you've been taught to avoid using the proper word for the part of the body involved? A daughter who's comfy talking about her vulva will be able to think and talk clearly about her sexual choices years and decades down the road. She will be more able to identify what she wants from a sexual relationship--and get it. What an excellent gift to give her!

(Edited to add commentary on Sanskrit translation, thanks to my linguist dh!)


----------



## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

I, too, was shocked at those comments to see how many people were calling a vagina something that means something else, like Tookus, which in Yiddish, means butt. I think it's wrong to teach a child to call his or her genetalia by a name that to most people means the other side. Confusing and potentially dangerous in an abuse situation or non-abuse situation.

DH and I generally call our bottoms "rumps" and our front parts, "Parts". We also call them by their regular names, such as "Ow, move your leg, you're squashing my testicles!" I'm not sure what we'll do when we have children but I get the feeling we'll do a combination of the two, making sure our children know the correct names for their "parts" as well as the use of nicknames as in "Please pull your pants up, nobody wants to see your parts!"


----------



## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

We say butt most often instead of just anus... I don't think there is as much confusion with that.


----------



## Justice2 (Mar 18, 2003)

My 9 year old does say "clitoris" and "vulva". BUT, when it comes to the word "vagina", where a baby comes from, I DO prefer Yoni. When I started studying Holistic Midwifery, I ceased using the term vagina because I was horrified that it actually means 'sheath for a sword'.

From Holistic Midwifery:
"...the term vagina was first applied to women by Roman soldiers who collected vaginas for their swords. They began to joke about the "vagina" collection they had back home; thus the term was associated with women's genitals."

My dd has been studing this book with me (as it is the first book that I have to study for school). I do not want her to associate her genitals with ownership of a man. We didn't always call 'it' a yoni, that didn't start until I started studing this book and learned what I learned. So, in a way, I guess you could say that I am uncomfortable with the term 'vagina', but not because of 'social fears of the genital area'.

I can also see a point with the sexual abuse. I want to say though, that if sexuality of the human body and familiarity of biology are an open topic in the home, wouldn't that be a start to preventing sexual abuse?


----------



## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Um, doesn't "yoni" also mean "sheath"?


----------



## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

On vaginas and sheaths

ETA: Whoops, didn't occur to me to clarify (in case it wasn't clear) that this isn't my blog. It _is_ an MDC mama's, I'm just not sure whose







:


----------



## mami2f3 (Jan 8, 2003)

I'm new to this term.
How do you pronounce "yoni"?
Is it like that singer?


----------



## BeansEemie (Jul 23, 2004)

Awesome etymology girlndocs. Thanks for the great reading. My problem with Yoni is that I had this huge all encompassing high school crush on a boy named Yoni. So I see the word yoni, I think Yoni. Not about vulvas or vaginas or women even, but about this boy and how I didn't learn a damn thing in what was that, trigonometry? I wonder whatever happened to him...


----------



## sugarbeth (Apr 24, 2002)

I can't say "vulva". I just can't.







So when the episode of "Scrubs" with the female gynecologists came on and introduced me to the word "pajingo", I was all over it. Lilu says it "'jingo" and even with the euphemism, everyone knows what she's talking about.


----------



## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

I have slightly different reasons for teaching my two and a half year old daughter to use vagina instead of vulva. I feel like there are only a few people, at this age, who she'll really NEED to tell about things that come up with regard to her genitalia -- her dad and I, her teachers at school, her sitter, and her doctor, maybe. No matter what we name it, certainly her dad and I will understand her, and if we chose vulva, her doctor would, too. However, her teachers at school are wonderful people but neither of them speak English as their first language. One is from Haiti and the other is from Mexico. I am virtually certain that they'd understand the word vagina, but not so sure they'd know the word vulva. In fact, a lot of English speaking, not-so-in-touch-with-themselves women might not have a true handle on that term either -- but EVERYONE knows what a vagina is (or what they think it is, which is close).

When she's looked at my vulva, I've pointed out that the whole shebang is a "vulva" but the hole on the bottom is the vagina. She sort of got it, I think. She knows the difference between her tushie (our word for buttocks) and her vagina now, because for a long time, we had correct her when she called the whole thing a vagina. She also had some serious interest in my pubic hair, and I told her what that was called, and said that when she got older, she'd get hair on her vulva too.

However, when I'm wiping her, or when she's got diaper rash, it's on her vagina. She'll tell us that, and we agree. I think it's easier and safer. When she's older, we can talk about all the parts.


----------



## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

We use these terms.
My son's dad (my ex) says he wasn't too happy about my son telling a complete stranger that she had a vulva when they were at the grocery store.
He thought I should teach him to say "special parts" GMAB







:


----------



## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ahappymel*
He thought I should teach him to say "special parts" GMAB







:

What's "GMAB?"


----------



## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

Although I realize that some parents want to teach their daughters a more "euphemistic" word for their genitalia, I should have added that my ex was fine with my 3 yr-old saying "penis" but not "vulva"..."vulva" was shameful and scandalous. GMAB


----------



## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

Well, exactly. Can you imagine saying, "Oh, I just can't _sa_y the word penis?" How about coming up with cutsie euphemisms for penis--not just for a toddler, but for a teenager? What would that do to a boy's psychological relationship with his genitalia? How would it affect his ability to be sexually at ease as an adult?

The same thing it does to girls, I guess.

I respectfully challenge mamas uncomfortable with "vulva" to start working through their discomfort, rather than passing it down a generation. Practice will help! Your daughters deserve the effort.


----------



## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

You could just do what my parents did, and never mention genitals by ANY name whatsoever, real or made-up.


----------



## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

"I respectfully challenge mamas uncomfortable with "vulva" to start working through their discomfort, rather than passing it down a generation. Practice will help! Your daughters deserve the effort."-uuelisabeth









Did I mention that I have a son? I am teaching my son to say "vulva" for female external genitalia for the added reason that I think it's important for him to address female genitalia appropriately and respectfully.
He needs to learn that female body parts such as the vulva are not for being "cute"...they are a part of woman that deserve as much respect as every other part of her.
Does this make sense?
I was so offended that his dad was fine with me teaching him to call his penis a penis but wanted me to teach him that Mommy has "special parts" opposed to a vulva.
Then again, his dad was constantly calling women "Vaginas" (as in "I don't need Vaginas in my life.")
But that's another story...
I too encourage Mamas to teach their sons and daughters to teach their children the proper names for their genitalia.


----------



## emmalala (Dec 3, 2001)

Hmm... I just read this thread because we wondered about this a few years ago when we first had dd. Somehow things have evolved so we are at "girl parts" and ds now calls his penis his "boy part" I think there is some level where you want to be able to use correct terminology but not get too technical... And another problem is that the medical terms available for women are not inclusive, so it's incorrect to call the whole show a vagina and even vulva doesn't tell the whole story coz there are inner parts too... It's really interesting to hear your stories!


----------



## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn*
But then, my mom's a family doc, and I grew up talking colonoscopies and contraception at the dinner table. *shrugs*


Did you also call your mom by her first name? Write and preform startrek skits, and have a close friend named melanie? Oh and live in the Glen Ellen Sonoma Area?


----------



## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emmalala*
Hmm... I just read this thread because we wondered about this a few years ago when we first had dd. Somehow things have evolved so we are at "girl parts" and ds now calls his penis his "boy part" I think there is some level where you want to be able to use correct terminology but not get too technical... And another problem is that the medical terms available for women are not inclusive, so it's incorrect to call the whole show a vagina and even vulva doesn't tell the whole story coz there are inner parts too... It's really interesting to hear your stories!

I agree that a 3 yr-old boy may not know words like "labia minora" and "labia majora" and "clitoris" and "vagina" but...
When he pointed to my mound in the bathtub and said, "that's your penis!", I told him, "No, women have vulvas".
Generally speaking, the area most viewable externally is the vulva (I wasn't spread-eagle in front of my son :LOL ) so that's why I taught him "vulva". That's what he was seeing afterall.
I guess even "penis" is not inclusive because there are also the testicles, foreskin, etc; as part of the male anatomy.
But generally speaking, I want my son to know that correct name for the area of the female genitalia that he will most commonly view and identify (at least until circumstances in his future become such that he looks a little closer)...and that part is the vulva.


----------



## AahRee (Jan 23, 2003)

We use vagina (or as DD calls it, 'gina) and bum. Not perfectly anatomically correct, but hopefully close enough. She also knows the word penis, and uses it to refer to the male genital region in general.


----------



## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *uuelisabeth*
(Additionally, it is also a misnomer in Sanskrit--it translates to "vagina", which only names what is inside and not the outside genitalia that a little girl can see, touch and feel.)

(Edited to add commentary on Sanskrit translation, thanks to my linguist dh!)

Strange, I studied Sanskrit for about 4 years in grade school and 2 in college and grew up immersed in Hindu/Vedic culture. My understanding of yoni has always been that it is a word that represents the entire female genitalia and reproductive system. The Shiva Lingam is worshipped protruding erect from Parvati's yoni. If yoni just meant vagina, there would be no need for the base that the penis is standing on. Also, the lingam is considered to be inside of Parvati's yoni and therefore it also represents her womb and the universe. Here's a photo of a shiva lingam: http://www.amma-europe.org/shared/sana_img/lingam.gif

On the topic of this thread:
I don't use yoni because it feels strange to me to use a non-english term when my son has english terms for his genitalia. I was raised saying genitals and it always felt awkward to me. I used to say vulva to my daughter but I'm pregnant and my kids keep asking where the baby is coming out. I point and tell them that baby comes out of my vagina. She now calls hers vagina or peepee (since that's where her peepee comes out). My son says vaginas look like bottoms. LOL. He creates his own words for his genitals. He does say penis but prefers to call his scrotum balls. He asked me if he could have another ball so he could have 3 balls, the other day.


----------



## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

We pretty much refer to the "privates" by using their correct name. Vulva, vagina, anus, penis, testicles. . .However, we do say butt, butt (I think we picked that up from DD)


----------



## bravofrenchie (Oct 15, 2004)

Quote:

"Vulva,vulva, butt butt butt..."








:


----------



## Ahappymel (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kavamamakava*
He asked me if he could have another ball so he could have 3 balls, the other day.

:LOL

Kids...they make life so wonderful and interesting don't they?


----------



## dharmamama (Sep 19, 2004)

We use vagina (or badina, as dd says) and penis. Occasionally I have pointed out the outer part and called it a vulva, but mostly it's just vagina. I have called my son's scrotum a scrotum when she asked me what I was wiping the poop off when I changed her brother's diaper, but mostly it's just penis. We use buns for the derierre.

I don't worry too much about being too explicit about all the parts right now. If my dd or ds were sexually abused and said, "Someone touched my vagina/penis without my permission," I don't think there's be much doubt in anyone's mind what had happened, even if it was actually her vulva or his scrotum that were touched.

Also, I don't see vagina as any less inclusive than penis. Even the penis has different parts, and I don't feel the need to tell my toddler son that his penis has a glans and a shaft, for instance. That stuff can be taught later.

Namaste!


----------

