# how long before sex postpartum didn't hurt???



## lauracolvin (Jan 11, 2002)

I'm still having problems making sex not painful at 12 months. I really need a ballpark here to see whether this is really abnormal considering my son still breastfeeds a LOT...I figured many of y'all probably have breastfed more than "conventional" mothers did as well, and since so many seem to think breastfeeding is a factor with painful sex I figured I'd poll here....
so how long until sex was not painful for you??


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## Mommiska (Jan 3, 2002)

People are voting, but not explaining, so I'll start.







It took a while for sex to stop being painful, but I would guess it was around 3 months post-partum with dd1. Around the same with dd2.

Just take it easy...and remember - there are alternatives (dh never minded those very much!).









It gets better...
Carolyn


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## LiminalOne (Mar 1, 2002)

I voted for between 3 and 9 months. I visited my midwife when I was still experiencing discomfort at maybe 4 months. She thought that maybe I was "estrogen-deficient' (i.e., not menstruating) or that I was still dealing with surface abrasions. She gave me a topical cortisone cream which I applied to a particularly aflamed area. That seemed to help somewhat. She recommended more lubrication (which I didn't really use as I couldn't stand the smell). What helped the most for us was ditching the condoms and using a diaphragm. The midwife also checked for yeast and bacterial infections so I wonder if a visit might be helpful.

I got my first period a few months ago so am no longer "deficient"







:


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

With my first baby I had a good size episiotomy. Sex hurt BADLY for a year or so, and was always accompanied by traumatic birth memories. No fun at all.

With my second baby, we were ready to go on the 6 week mark and I had no pain what-so-ever.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I was ok at 8 weeks pp as long as we used LOTS of astro glide.

-Heather


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## jessjax (Feb 14, 2002)

I was what they called "estrogen defficient" I guess from nursing so much. We used a lot of lubricant, which helped. I recommend the KY silk-e. I think the e-vitamins are soothing. I started getting Lunelle injections when my babies were 18 months old, and that helped me with the estrogen defficiency, but my midwives also said that there is an estrogen cream they could prescribe. Might be worth looking into. . .


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## Mommy StormRaven (Jan 21, 2002)

I didn't vote becuse there was no "Other" option. Dh and I tried sex for the first time as soon as I stopped bleeding - about a weekand a half - he was slow and gentle and it never was uncomfortable for me. The midwife said that we could "resume intimacy" as soon as I felt like it and I has stopped bleeding so we did. FOr me it was less than 2 weeks. No I did not have a tiny baby or an easy labor. I had an 8 lb 14.1 oz baby born face up after 24.5 hours of back labor, I did tear but it was not even significan enough to call 1st degree. That is my story....


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I think it took us about 6 mos. and it was due to my emergency episiotomy (dd's heart almost stopped and they had to get her out fast). We used lots of lube so I'm pretty sure it was the scar healing, not lube issues. I also had a hard time using my Keeper for about 6 mos. but now I'm almost as good as new.

Darshani


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## [email protected] (Jan 5, 2002)

i think the answer depends a bit on what kind of birth and procedures you had

i tore delivering my daughter and sex hurt for a long time despite using as much as a half a bottle of lube. the problem for me wasnt lubrication, it was the scar tissue being pulled and lube wasnt going to help that (hell it hurt using tampons sometimes even)

honestly, i never really addressed it. i did a phone call to the ob's nurse and she suggested perineal massage (like they suggest for before delivery). at the time i was so overwhelmed with life i found it easier to go without sex than to find the time and interest in pernieal massage


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## bhdavison (Mar 31, 2002)

I voted 3-9 months...it was around 6 months pp for me, however, there are still times at 11 months that I get a twinge of pain. I have heard different things from so many people, so like most things pregnancy/birth/pp related, it is very individual. However, do have faith that the pain will eventually go away. I promise!

Brooke


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## lauracolvin (Jan 11, 2002)

does anyone have experience with sex getting better seeming to correspond with an end to breastfeeding? this is my hubby's hunch ...not that I would dream of stopping nursing for such a selfish reason, but I think it would help dh to know that an end may be in sight to this dry spell!!!


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## Mommy StormRaven (Jan 21, 2002)

Definitely! Nursing supresses ovulation and the production of FSH which is what causes cervical mucus to become "fertile" . You also have less estrogen in your bosy right now and this is a known cause of both dryness and less sex drive. SO yes - decreasing the frequency or nursing will start to bring not only your desire back but also your "wetness"

Personally I didn't have that problem even while I was nursing dd but we jsut used a lube with vitamin E to help on the wetness factor.

HTH


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## joyberryjoy (Feb 13, 2002)

Sheila Kitzinger did a study on sex post-partum both with and without episiotomies and found a substantial difference, with an epi. many many women still had pain from 3-12 months post-partum! So perhaps this was part of the problem for you?

Gotta cast my vote for ASTROGLIDE when the difficulty is not the actual wound of an epi. but dryness associated with nursing or just plain old I-wanna-have-sex-but-we-don't-have-time-for-enough-foreplay, which like it or not is sometimes the case with busy lives...I'm in my honeymoon stage right now, with an 8 yr old son so no nursing babies and FINALLY breast stimulation feels AWESOME again so it's not an issue at the moment but we have used that stuff like it's going out of style...no smell, not tacky, lasts forever, and the fact that NASA developed it so that astronauts wouldn't get chafed by their suits is too funny! (No kidding!)

Good luck! It gets better. The sitz baths do help pain!!!!

Joy


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## mamamania (May 18, 2002)

Hi, this is my first posting and a subject I feel very compelled to write about. I have two children and had a VBAC with the second one. I found sex very painful until about the 15th month. Finally, I spoke to a neighbor who's also an OB/Gyn and she wrote me a prescription for an estrogen cream and within 8 weeks I was a whole new me. Before that we'd been using gel, which helped initially but not for the whole experience. I breastfed until 22 months and didn't get a period until 21 months so I'm wondering if that is part of why it took me so long to begin enjoying sex again. With that said, I strongly feel that in your whole lifespan it is a very short, though challenging, time to struggle and wouldn't trade the breastfeeding for anything.


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## lauracolvin (Jan 11, 2002)

yes, I definitely wouldn't trade the breastfeeding in for sex!!! maybe I'll have to inquire about an estrogen cream.
I didn't have an episiotomy but I did have a 39 hour labor with 5 hrs of pushing








Toby nurses a LOT....somedays it seems that's all he wants and I nurse about 6 times a day plus once or twice at night...considering he's 13 months old that's a lot...but I won't stop him, because he's got a lot of tummy troubles and at least I know the breastmilk may stand a chance of being properly digested. we're going very slowly introducing protein foods...right now he does SOME beans but that's about it in the protein dept....he needs the breastmilk for protein and fat since his diet is going to be pretty restricted until about 24 months....so stopping breastfeeding is NOT an option!!!
you gals are right about the lubes helping initially...but as mamamania stated, initially is about as far as it got for me!!! once dh is "in" then it starts to hurt again within seconds.
any more input or votes would be greatly appreciated..I'm feeling a bit more "normal" after seeing the 13 votes that are in.


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## Bekka (Nov 20, 2001)

I'm in the category of no suppressed drive, either, once the sleep deprivation wore off a bit, so perhaps my experience isn't applicable--taking a LOT of time for foreplay (an hour or more) may seem impossible, but it was all we ever did. I think we were about 4 weeks pp when we first tried, slow.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

About a year for me, but I had some tearing up in the vaginal area (as opposed to the perineum) and the scar tissue seemed to interfere with things.


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## ostara (Mar 14, 2002)

Breastfeeding did not interfere in my case. At least not after af returned (one year after birth). This event coincided with going back to work, but I continued breastfeeding for another year.


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

the episiotomy scar was terrible...very painful for about 6 months, and after month 8 it has calmed down to NOT hurting. Y'know when you bang your elbow and your funnybone stings? That's what the scar felt like for months--HOW turned on am I?!?!?!?! owie!!!









Still waiting to see if it ever goes back to being an area of skin that is pleasurable.

For me, the nursing, need to use lube, and lack of desire aren't really problems--all of those can be 'fixed,' but a permanant change in my anatomy (that wasn't warrented in the first place!) is really terrible.


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## amandajf (May 15, 2002)

[Makes you wonder if you could sue the OB and get some cash and teach him/her a lesson in educating themselves about necesary and dangerous/abusive vs necesary and better than dying.

With first dd no tears and we had sex at 7 days pp. Second dd no tearing we waited 3 weeks because she was our third child and life was just hectic. Never have pain. I breastfed dd #1 till she quit on me at 6 months and dd#2 till she quit on me at 9 months. Never had a wetness problem.. mine wa sthe opposite, but then again I took the only nursing friendly bcpill that caused ammenorhea and bled the entire 5 months that I took it.


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## Sahara (Nov 28, 2001)

I still feel some discomfort, DS is 14 months. Mainly it has to do with my uterus and the position we are in, rather than any kind of lubrication problem. This sounds different than the type of discomfort you all are talking about, maybe there's something I need to have checked out?


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## symbiosis (Dec 6, 2001)

What!

People are actually having sex PP?


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## KakuChan (Apr 16, 2002)

3rd degree tear and epi. plus 27 months pp and no period in sight -- sex still hurts. Combo of scar tissue and no natural lube. Sigh. I know it will get better some day. Some day soon, for all our sakes!


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## AnnMarie (May 21, 2002)

After being cut (







doctors!) it took years, and it actually still does hurt sometimes, and this is from my second birth which was over 7 years ago.


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## ilovebeingamom (Jan 1, 2002)

Hello,

I definitely agree that your hormones with breastfeeding definitely affect libido and dryness. My nurse practitioner recommended going to the health food store adn getting Wild Yam Cream, it is usually used for Menopause and PMS. It seems to work ok. Sex was painful for over a year, and we finally decided to just keep trying. Going better now, although it doesn't happen much b/c we are too tired and too lazy to leave bedroom, and don't want to get intimate with toddler in our room.
Good luck, and I agree, the sacrifice is small for your babes!


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

AnnMarie, your signature applies well to episiotomy too. How many millions of women have suffered for no good reason at all? In another generation, hopefully, episiotomy will go the way of strapping women down in labor, "twilight sleep", and routine shaving and enemas. This is one reason I want to become a childbirth educator -- to do what I can to help women avoid having their genitals mutilated.


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## Saara (Apr 26, 2002)

It was about a year, with DS#1, but I had an episiotomy.

With DS#2, it never really did hurt. We started up again at about 6 weeks (I'd torn & we waited til the stitches dissolved).


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## AnnMarie (May 21, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by sweetwater_
*AnnMarie, your signature applies well to episiotomy too. How many millions of women have suffered for no good reason at all? In another generation, hopefully, episiotomy will go the way of strapping women down in labor, "twilight sleep", and routine shaving and enemas. This is one reason I want to become a childbirth educator -- to do what I can to help women avoid having their genitals mutilated.*
Yes, and countless other unnecessary things they do to you and baby during birth.








Two of the three times I was cut I told the doctor I didn't want to be cut unless it was absolutely necessary and they did it anyway.







We need childbirth educators like you that are willing to tell women the truth! Good luck to you!


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## MorgnsGrl (Dec 14, 2001)

I had severe tearing and then a epis on top of that. I didn't stop having "normal" everyday pain for almost a year, and we couldn't have intercourse until around 18 mos PP. It was just too painful. I finally got my period back at about 17 1/2 mos PP and I'm confident that this is what solved my problem. And we still use LOTS of lubricant as well as condoms (for both the BC factor AND the less-friction factor.)


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## Stayathomemommy (Jun 7, 2002)

i listed strickly in my birth plan that i did not want and episiotomy and my midwife stayed true and let me tear. It took a little over a month. I would think that not only does how sex feels depend on physical ailments but mental feelings are even more at play with our desire. Breastfeeding made me feel sexy and so we stocked up on lubracant.

Just make sure you are very strait foward with your doctors and if it still hurts there has got to be something they can do. Our relationships need that intimate connection.

angela


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

I think I'm repeating a familiar refrain here but...

Indeed, once my cycle came back (slowly, pathetically and unpredictably







), sex was much less painful. Even then, it took a couple of months to get totally back on board with it.

In the meantime, I resorted to KY which worked farely well... poor DH, I hate to say the guy went without more often than not.







:

Best of luck,

Em


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## sleepies (Nov 30, 2001)

I had never had issue with it hurting.
I had sex two weeks after the birth of each boy.
No issues for me.
Once with doctor permission, and once before I saw the dr.

I did tear once and was cut once...episotomies (mispelled) for both. I guess I am a fast healer or something.

PS. as you know i did not breastfeed either son. i am not sure if that would be a factor though...unless for some reason it caused you to be less aroused.....but, i don't see why that would have to be.


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## Deirdre (Dec 1, 2001)

I am so gald you posted this poll so I don't feel so alone. Dd is 13 months and it is still painful, although much less than a few months ago. It was so bad for the first 6 months I actually started wondering if I had closed up down there







Literally, my dh couldn't fit in there! I had 3rd degree tears and a boatload of stitches with dd. I went to the OB/Gyn to have it checked out. She said everything was fine but commented that "he stitched you up like you are a virgin again" (she also commented that she knew my OB who delivered dd must be a "he" to stitch me up so tight!!!!!) Anyway, I do think that by having sex more often it is getting better, although I admit I had to do a lot of breathing exercises to get through intercourse in the beginning. I second (or third) the recommendation to use lots of lube...


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## glorysmom (Dec 5, 2001)

Just wanted to say that I noticed a significant difference in pain/pleasure when my menses returned. Once I ovulated sex wasn't painful anymore it actually felt good. Amazing! Although it is still taking a little time to adjust- it's not just all of a sudden things are like they were before. And btw we are still breastfeeding avidly day and night.

oh and my vote was around 6 months and my menses returned at 7 months.


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## Nanner (Apr 12, 2002)

Wow! I had no idea this was such an issue! I must be very lucky! I had a smooth, natural childbirth with no tears or epi. Had sex at 5 wks pp and it was fine! We went slow and I didn't need any lube, lol. I only had sex a few times b/w then and when dd was 3.5 mths old- that is when I left my loser boyfriend. Then I didn't have sex again until dd was 14 mths. Everything was completely backt o normal then, I couldn't tell any difference at all from before I had her. I got my period back when dd was 12 mths.
See, I had a great time and could have been having some great sex, only no one to have it with, Lol!
Sara


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## Gracie (Dec 19, 2001)

For me it was around 10-11 months PP...I was nursing and very dry (common) and I got my first period when my son was 10 months old, and everything started feeling much better.


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## eliv (Jul 7, 2002)

I think I must be a freak! Well, to be fair, after dd (born by c-sect) it took me awhile...probaby by the time she was 8 weeks old I was "back in the saddle". But with ds (born VBAC, with no episiotomy and only a few miniscule skin tears) resumed sex around 4 weeks postpartum, and aside from being really, really nervous...there was no physical pain to speak of. In fact, and this is really strange, it has been so much easier for me to orgasm since ds' birth!! So I voted for 'Around 6 weeks...'


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## newmomlearning (Jan 10, 2002)

I was a little freaked the first time after our Dd was born-I had heard how it could be painful.

Well, we loaded up on astroglide and it was great. I'm breastfeeding, but my AF came back at 11 weeks! So, maybe the estrogen is in balance. We still use astroglide, but not as much in the early weeks.

Just using a lubricant helps me to get over my nervousness of pain (which doesn't help you get in the mood) & enjoy myself.


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## mdcanon8765309 (Jan 8, 2003)

Well... I had third degree tears and I hurt all the time until my son was at least three months old. DH and I didn't even attempt sex for ages between my discomfort and lack of drive and when we finally did try sex it was excruciating despite the Astroglide. Penetration never really happened until 9 or 10 months pp and even then it was uncomfortable and neither of us were into it as a result.

Interestingly enough, I just got AF back last month at 15 1/2 months pp and not only have I been interested in sex but we've had my first pain free happy sexual experience in a long time! Hooray!


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

I voted 6 weeks -3 months.

With my first, we had sex again right at the 6-week mark. It definately wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't extremely painful or anything, not enough where we had to stop. I had a 3rd degree tear that was extremely close to being 4th degree, which probably had a lot to do with it.

After my second, we had sex again at about 4 weeks. I tore a little during delivery that time, but not much. It was just the tiniest bit uncomfortable when we started but that was all.

After both, sex continually got better as time went on. Probably by 3 months with the first and 2 with the second it was back to normal. We never had lubrication problems, which is probably a big factor when it comes to how comfortable things are.

Editing to add:

Oh, and I didn't get my period until 7 months postpartum. I tandem-nursed and there was no break at all between the children, so I don't think that breastfeeding or menstruation played a big part for us. I did, however, experience an increase in drive when I got my periods back, although I didn't really notice any differences in how sex actually felt.


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## ksmeadowlark (Jun 17, 2002)

OMG I came to MDC for help so many times regarding this issue. I didn't get my cycle back until I weaned at 20 months and sex is still pretty uncomfortable, and I had a csection. I am going to see the midwife at the end of the month to talk about this. For the first 20 months I cried when we tried to have sex, it hurt so much.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

It comes and goes with me. I had a forceps delivery and although the perineum was intact I had internal vaginal tearing. I walked around with ice packs in my underwear.

I had sex about 2.5 weeks postpartum with minimal discomfort, and got my period back at 6 months. (DD is almost 17 mo now, and still nursing, though only once a day.)

I have pain in the scar tissue now, sometimes not even during sex. Usually during walking or weightlifting. But I never know when it is going to hurt. It's never excruciating, or so bad that I have to stop; it's more annoying than anything else.

I saw a gyn about it but all she could say was that there was no reason it should still hurt. I hate answers like that!

So I didn't vote, because I'm not sure when the pain will be totally gone, but if I had to vote I would say 6 weeks since sex was possible at 2.5 weeks. (I tried at 3 days but it hurt way too much!)


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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

I was in labor for a really long time...but I had a c/s. I only dilated to 3cm and 95%. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with it but we had sex 4 weeks post partum with no pain.

it could have been because I didn't deliver vaginally...


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## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

I am 9 mos. pp and I thought I was alone! I went back to my OB specially to see why sex was STILL painful and she really was not very insightful OR helpful. Most other mothers I know didn't breastfeed this long so they didn't have this problem. I feel soooooooo much better knowing that this seems to be a common occurrence when still breastfeeding. Ahhhhhh. Do you need a prescription for the estrogen cream? And can you use it while breastfeeding? Sex isn't killing me but it sure isn't what it used to be and it does ache or something at first.


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## stirringleaf (Mar 16, 2002)

the last time we actually had sex it finally didnt hurt. ds is 15 mos. that was like a week ago. now i have my first period since before the baby. so go figure. i guess we have to pay something for it to feel good again.....i agree its the lack of estrogen. once your hormones finally change again, it will get better....


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## UK Mom (Jul 2, 2002)

I am 12 months post partum and it still hurts a bit, but it is much better since I started using estrogen cream (called Premarin). I went to my doctor to get checked out because it was hurting so much, and she said that I was very dry, probably because I am still breastfeeding. The estrogen cream has helped a lot, but it still hurts a bit because I should be using it regularly, and I forget. For anyone who is still breastfeeding and finds sex painful, I would highly recommend it!


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## reesa (Apr 22, 2002)

It's still a bit tender at times and dd is 20 months. Despite the midwife doing everything in her power to avoid one (I was told by countless m/w in the hospital that she only does a few a year and), I had a epi and the scar is a bit sore in certain positions. I'm glad this thread was started - it's something I've been meaning to ask about.


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## skibumel (Jul 17, 2002)

Didn't even try for 5-6 months. Hurt until 7-8 months.


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## intensity_too (Nov 21, 2002)

Sex was painful to me for months. I think I was 13 months PP before it stopped hurting bad. I had an episiotomy and then tore on top of that. PLus, ds was deliveried with the vacuum. I also got infected stitches and had to be on sntibiotics from 6 weeks PP to 9 weeks PP. I think my large tear and episiotomy as well as the vacuum made things very painful.

Jaime


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