# Total Transformation-James Lehman-Anyone Tried it?



## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Has anyone else heard the commercials on the radio for this? They come on Air America all the time...

http://www.thetotaltransformation.co...FQdHagodlRMI3w

Every time that I hear the commercial I kinda get the creeps because he goes on and on about how he will help you "turn your kid's bad behavior around" in 5 minutes or less!!

I am guessing that his practices aren't at all GD, but I am curious if anyone knows anything more about his program, or if anyone has used it?

TIA


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

Well, I would say that his point about 'it's not about self esteem, it's about problem solving' is right on the money. I remember when I was in school (Family Studies) one of my profs pointed out that Charlie Manson has very high self esteem. Not a great predictor of success







But self- efficacy, or knowing you can influence your own outcome, does predict for success. As to how this he proposes to actually 'make' this happen is the question. I personally don't trust anything that proposes that 'one phrase stops the argument' This guy never met MY kiddo


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## luv2eatamango (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laoxinat* 
But self- efficacy, or knowing you can influence your own outcome, does predict for success. As to how this he proposes to actually 'make' this happen is the question.

DH is thinking of getting this program for our ultra challenging 5-yr-old, who has ultra low self-efficacy. I tried searching for reviews on MDC and did not find much. Any new information/thoughts about this program?

Or any other program/ideas of how to improve self-esteem AND self-efficacy in a spirited, SPD (sensory defensive), perfectionistic, bullying, often angry, quite explosive 5-yr-old?


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## InochiZo (Aug 17, 2004)

Kinda sounds like this Guy, Anthony Kane. I signed up for email notices and now I get ads nearly everyday for his program. He kinda creeps me out too. They kinda look the same too. Weird. I think if you do Non violent communication and collaborative problem solving, you'll probably be doing a lot of what these guys are doing in their program. I am skeptical of anyone offering magic bullet information/programs. The book and video, "The Explosive Child" has been really informative and they tell you it is not easy.


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## aran (Feb 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *luv2eatamango* 
Or any other program/ideas of how to improve self-esteem AND self-efficacy in a spirited, SPD (sensory defensive), perfectionistic, bullying, often angry, quite explosive 5-yr-old?

For my 4.5 yo DS with similar characteristics, we've eliminated all articifical ingredients in all foods all the time, added fish oil supplements and magnesium supplements after *much* research on dietary triggers (seems to be somewhat helpful, but hard to say), we've done play therapy (not helpful - too hard to establish any strong connection with the therapist), speech therapy (poor intelligibility was eating at his self-esteem, so this has been helpful), occupational therapy (very fun, probably helpful, and identified a probable vision problem), he has an eval. with a developmental optometrist in a few days - I suspect he will suggest visual therapy, and I will soon have evaluations with an allergist and an audiologist.

After trying some great GD approaches (playful parenting - which works well most of the time, but is hard to maintain at times when you need to just get things done; and P.E.T. by Thomas Gordon) and hitting limits to their success, I decided this past spring to start meeting with every professional that I thought could identify sensory issues that aggravate DS and hence help treat them. The only professionals I won't go to are those that would want to medicate (e.g., developmental neurologist). We are chipping away at the problems and making incremental progress.


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## luv2eatamango (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *InochiZo* 
I think if you do Non violent communication and collaborative problem solving, you'll probably be doing a lot of what these guys are doing in their program. I am skeptical of anyone offering magic bullet information/programs. The book and video, "The Explosive Child" has been really informative and they tell you it is not easy.


I researched the program a little more (reviews are on Amazon) and it is not my style. I do a bit of NVC and it works sometimes, but not all the time, and I am not consistent which does not help.

I am on queue #4 at the library to read The Explosive Child. Thank you for your suggestions!


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## luv2eatamango (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aran* 
For my 4.5 yo DS with similar characteristics, we've eliminated all articifical ingredients in all foods all the time, added fish oil supplements and magnesium supplements after *much* research on dietary triggers (seems to be somewhat helpful, but hard to say)...

I decided this past spring to start meeting with every professional that I thought could identify sensory issues that aggravate DS and hence help treat them.

I want to eliminate the junk from his diet because I think it will make a huge difference but DH continues to bring home junk.







: How do you get fish oil/CLO in your child? DS throws up if he chases the CLO with something else, smells it a mile away in a smoothie full of berries and other yummy stuff, refuses to try to learn how to swallow the capsules. This is a supplement that I have been taking for a long time and feel the difference every day.

We were doing OT for two months but stopped because he seemed to be improving. I tried to keep up OT at home using the Out of Synch Child book and others but have started to slack off. Your post prompts me to think about re-starting the OT visits.

Also, DS is going to start craniosacral therapy in January, have the money already set from the flex plan, and I am hoping that will help too. He already gets regular chiropractic care and this will hopefully complement that.

I will have to re-read Playful Parenting as that approach works really well. What is P.E.T. by Thomas Gordon (is this another book by the author?) and what do you mean by hitting limits to their success?

Thank you for your suggestions, please keep them coming!


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## webjefita (Aug 16, 2003)

My DH just ordered this program and is insisting I listen to it. It's hard to listen to, I have to say. It all sort of sounds great and reasonable at the beginning, but after listening to a couple CDs I can tell where this guy is coming from. He is a behavior therapist, after all, which means he only focuses on the outward behavior--nothing else about what is going on inside, or what the parent-child relationship is like. It all comes down, also, to what you believe about children: this guy believes children are (or can become) controlling, manipulating, greedy, selfish, agressive, etc.

I just don't think about children that way, so it's very hard to listen to what his proposed solutions are (and I haven't gotten that far.) I believe children are intrinsically good, social creatures who need information and good examples to learn about life.

It's really wierd, because every now and then he throws things in there to I guess alleviate parents' fears that the program is going to be too tough. Some things sound really great, like "these kids need problem solving skills" but then he turns around and says it doesn't matter why kids are misbehaving, it doesn't matter if they have ADHD or are Bipolar or whatever the reason, they just need to learn to follow the rules and respect authority.

I think the program might have something of value for parents who are really, really clueless and super permissive (meaning they don't do anything because they don't know what to do). My DH thinks I am permissive but I'm not--I do have a belief system and a methodology and I am just trying to be more consistent with it.

Ironically, about the same time he started listening to this, I started reading a really great and important book called Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers by Gordon Neufeld. I LOVE it! I think the most important message of the book is not the one in the subtitle, how to prevent your kids becoming peer oriented, but that the number one priority in parenting and teaching kids is the relationship you develop with them. Kids that actually trust and listen to their parents are the easiest to parent, and the ways you develop that trust and activate their instinct to follow you is the subject of the book. I highly recommend it! It's basically attachment parenting (literally) for preschool and school age kids.


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## mom2grrls (Jul 24, 2008)

I would be leary of anything that promised quick results.


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

Just popping in to mention that not all behavior therapists just look at the outside. I am one, and I believe that there's no way to find a replacement behavior without knowing the function of the inappropriate behavior. And that's what's on the inside; what's going on with the child and family.

It's unfortunate that not all behaviorists think like me, because it can work so well when you put behavior analysis and AP together.

I would also be leary of a program that says it doesn't matter why a child acts the way he/she does. The underlying cause of the behavior is what's going to lead to a solution that works for the child and family, so I'd say that yes, it definitely matters.


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## webjefita (Aug 16, 2003)

I have to come back and add some more info to this. My DH has been listening to the CD's and while at first I was turned off to them, I started to notice really positive changes in the way he was interacting with our boys. He's been much more patient and understanding with them. I think he is learning to use misbehavior as teachable moments. He tells me about some things he's picking up from the CD's, like that when kids act out of control it's because they have strong feelings that are related to something in the situation that is overwhelming them, or they feel powerless, or they lack the problem solving skills. He says he is trying to focus on the teaching, not just getting mad. We all raise our voices sometimes, and parents who are exasperated or out of ideas do it more. I think someone who really doesn't have any effective parenting skills could get something out of this.

For example there is one CD about the "One minute transformation" and it has ten ideas for parents. #1 is "assume control" and he talks about being proactive and assertive, meaning have a confident stance and assume your children will follow you. This could be taken the wrong way by some but I think it's a very important part of parenting. I don't think he's necessarily coaching parents to control their kids, or be really strict with them, which is what I was afraid of before listening to it. #2 is "Disconnect," which I really didn't like the sound of, but I think he means "disengage" from a tantrumming child. I also heard it put once, regarding toddlers and teenagers, as "Don't get on the roller coaster with them," which I think is excellent also. I don't think he means disconnect emotionally, which can be very damaging to the child and to the relationship.

I mean, basically the thought here is how to parent without getting mad at the kid, which is very positive and it seems to be helping my DH alot.

I didn't hear anything scary on it and I think if someone was really lost about parenting they could find some good advice and help here. Really it seems to be about taking your position as your child's guide and I think it just really needs to be done with unconditional love and acceptance, which would be the most important part, and I don't know what he has to say about that. I thought there was going to be a lot of manipulation and power play involved but so far I haven't found it. So it might be worth looking into.


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## aran (Feb 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *luv2eatamango* 
How do you get fish oil/CLO in your child? DS throws up if he chases the CLO with something else, smells it a mile away in a smoothie full of berries and other yummy stuff, refuses to try to learn how to swallow the capsules. This is a supplement that I have been taking for a long time and feel the difference every day.

I saw this thread was revived and I realized I missed responding to this Q initially.









We use Carlson's for Kids brand purified fish oil with lemon. There is not a hint of fishiness to it and both my DSs love it right off the spoon. It is pricey, but worth it IMO! It tastes much better than my Nordic Naturals capsules!


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## luv2eatamango (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aran* 
I saw this thread was revived and I realized I missed responding to this Q initially.









We use Carlson's for Kids brand purified fish oil with lemon. There is not a hint of fishiness to it and both my DSs love it right off the spoon. It is pricey, but worth it IMO! It tastes much better than my Nordic Naturals capsules!

That's the one we're using too... with success! I don't push it every day but aim for at least three times a week. When the bottle is finished, I am going to switch to the fermented one from Green Pastures. DH and I take the capsules.

DH ended up not buying this program but I did appreciate webjefita's recent post.







We did cranio therapy earlier this year and that helped so I will try to keep taking DS back every couple of months. Also now back into regular OT so hopefully that will help before he starts K in the fall.


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## momma_unlimited (Aug 10, 2008)

Garden of Life just came out with a new tangerine orange fish oil that is so good my kids will chug it if I don't keep it out of reach... first one I didn't need a chaser with. Has seaweed in it too, called Oceans 3 I think. =)


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## RAED (Jun 9, 2004)

We have had lots of texture and sensory issues w/DS (now 6) and found Sacral Cranial Therapy to be a godsend. We also took all cow products out of his diet for a few years (and he doesn't get refined anything) and that also helped. I found too that when I removed all non cotton fibres from the clothes and bed linens supply and experimented with various laundry soaps until I found one that seemed to work for him, that made a difference. It is good to remember that little boys have these testosterone surges and we found that we needed to be aware of that too and factor that in...

Mothering had a great article on tantrums once and that helped us a lot as our ds would suddenly go beserk and initially we couldn't peg the triggers...after removing all the other stuff, when it would still happen occasionally, I was really frustrated. Then I read that article about how to deal with tantrums and I found myself better equipped to focus on keeping him, dd and myself (or anyone else in the envirnoment) safe while he got the overwhelming emotions let loose. Then, when he was ready, we could reconnect again. If he wanted to talk about it, we could. If not, I usually let it go but let him know I'm available.

Hope that helps a bit. We use fish oil/Omega 3 oil sometimes and also found it tricky to find one that either ds or dd would swallow. When we found out he had enlarged adenoids (and after he was 6, had them removed) that made a HUGE difference. Also having his eyes checked and staging in an appropriate prescription has helped.

We also look at ourselves and check to see if we are stressing about something (I mean myself and dh). If we are, our dc's are so sensitive, we WILL get it back in tantrums, being difficult w/ea other, etc. So we try to do a quick internal check from time to time to see if, even if we are even keel externally, there isn't an internal storm raging that they dc's are reacting against.

Sorry....long and probably way too much information!


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