# Forcing your kids to wear certain clothes.



## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

I'm pretty sure what most people will think, but there was a discussion on another forum that I won't name that really kind of surprised me...and I thought how different some of my parenting ideas are...

A woman was asking how she could get her daughter to wear a certain pair of shoes that matched a specific outfit she bought - the daughter didn't want to wear them because they were uncomfortable. She didn't specifically say that, but that's the impression i and everyone else got. I made a suggestion for different types of shoes that may be more comfy for the little girl. Well, an argument kind of started about whether it's appropriate to "force" a young child to wear certain clothes because you as the parent thinks it's cute. Many people just suggested to keep trying with the shoes. But, a couple people felt like it's their right as a parent to tell their 2 and 4 yo what they "must" wear. This was not a discussion about safety - like wearing sneakers to play soccer in or appropriateness, such as dressing up for church. This was mearly about matching and the parent dressing the child in what they think is cute. From my tone, i'm sure you can tell what I think. My 2. yo can be pretty particular about what she wears sometimes - I definitely try to stear her towards matching outfits, but if she really wants to wear the striped socks with the flowered dress, I really don't care. And I definitely would not force her to wear shoes that she did not find comfortable. I do not feel like it's "my right" to dress my child up like a doll. But, obviously other parents have different views on this.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I only insisted if it was a safety issue. If going to parks, playgrounds or theme parks, wildlife parks, etc etc... one should have on real sneakers. Not some flip flop or open toe thing.

My kids wore what I wanted them to just for picture day or a holiday photo. That's about it. Maybe a wedding now and again. YKWIM?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

A child is not a fashion accessory.

And that's all I have to say about that.


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## babsbob (Nov 17, 2005)

My 2 and 4 year old dress themselves most of the time and if they insist on wearing their shirt backwards or wearing polka-dots with stripes -well more power to them!
Besides my kids only have one or two pairs of shoes at a time. I do have to insist that my DS not wear his sister's black patent shoes out in public though. I do feel somewhat strongly about that - even if they do match his shirt.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

my kids dress themselves, too.

The only thing that came to mind was that my older two had school "uniforms" or what was a rather strict dress code up until last month. I am sooo glad that it was voted away-- I much prefer them to wear whatever they want and not be limited to solid colors, polo shirts, etc.

I see families where the kids are all matching and nicely dressed, hair cute, and such and I think they look nice and all, but I would never insist on my kids wearing certain outfits just to make me or people in public happy.







quite frankly I don't have time and energy (or the desire!) to worry about silly things like that, and I definitely don't care what others think regarding their appearance as it relates to clothing choices.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

My kids wear what they want, including flip flops to the playground or whatever. If it is cold and theyd on't want tow ear a coat, I bring one because I know they will change their minds real quick.


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## Miasmamma (Sep 20, 2006)

So far DD doesn't care what I dress her in, but I do ask her. I kinda think she doesn't care because I give her choices. I'm sure she'll start to assert herself in the near future though!


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

My kids dress themselves and I don't really care much. But, there are sometimes that I pick the clothes and they don't really get to choose (this is very,very rare though.)

I would not force my kid to wear uncomfortable shoes.


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## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
My kids wear what they want, including flip flops to the playground or whatever. If it is cold and theyd on't want tow ear a coat, I bring one because I know they will change their minds real quick.









:
In my ten years of parenting I can honestly say I have never _forced_ my kids to wear anything.


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## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

The only time I push the issue is if they are not wearing weather appropriate cloths. Such as wearing shorts in the snow. DH does this.. but he is an adult. Once the kids get to be about 10 or so I let them wear what they want and figure they can figure it out if they are cold.. but the lil ones.. can't. But making your child wear shoes that hurt their feed is just cruel imo.


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## RockStarMom (Sep 11, 2005)

I would never force my daughter to wear anything.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babsbob* 
My 2 and 4 year old dress themselves most of the time and if they insist on wearing their shirt backwards or wearing polka-dots with stripes -well more power to them!
Besides my kids only have one or two pairs of shoes at a time. I do have to insist that my DS not wear his sister's black patent shoes out in public though. I do feel somewhat strongly about that - even if they do match his shirt.

This.

My 2 yo doesn't dress herself, but she does have strong opinions on what she does/doesn't wear. I respect that. We might have to compromise at times, but I value her opinion. I certainly wouldn't force a pair of uncomfortable shoes on her.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
I only insisted if it was a safety issue. If going to parks, playgrounds or theme parks, wildlife parks, etc etc... one should have on real sneakers. Not some flip flop or open toe thing.

My kids wore what I wanted them to just for picture day or a holiday photo. That's about it. Maybe a wedding now and again. YKWIM?

Same here. My six year old comes up with some pretty interesting combinations, but if it's weather appropriate (we're in northern Ontario - it gets damn cold) I just say OK.


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## KarlaC (Mar 20, 2009)

The only time I forced either of my dds into wearing anything was when the oldest was 6 & wanted to walk 3/4 of a mile in a snow storm to school wearing flip flops & a mid-thigh dress with no tights. I had been saving the dress for her little sister or it wouldn't even have been an issue.

Well there were a few times after oldest dd came back from her dads at 9 y/o & he had given her clothes more appropriate for a streetwalker that I told her no also.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

DD went out today wearing a pale purple overall kind of outfit, but shorts, not long pants. It's about two sizes too small, and very short, but she loves it, and will only be able to wear it at all for a very short time now. She accompanied this with rubber boots - bright pink. It's all good as far as I'm concerned. She can wear what she wants. She's worn some really out there combinations, and sometimes deliberately chooses mismatched socks. She's actually got an interesting sense of fashion.

DS2 attended a homelearning meetup a couple of months ago wearing one of dd's old nightgowns, which is like a slightly long shirt or tunic on him. He wore it with his jeans, and insisted that it was "chainmail". I'm good with that, too.

I sometimes push the weather-appropriate stuff pretty hard, because dd, in particular, is prone to insisting that she's warm enough, and then ends up trying to climb me to get warm. If she really won't put on something warm enough, I'll throw it in my bag.

I can't even imagine forcing a child into uncomfortable shoes, just because they looked good. I have made my kids wear shoes they didn't want to wear, when they were down to one pair (ds2 currently has two pairs drying, because keeping him out of water is _hard_)...but that's only when we have to go somewhere, and the pair they don't want is all there is. I also encouraged a nice dress for dd when my cousin got married a couple years ago, but it wasn't a problem - she loves dressing "fancy".


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

I'm lucky my kids never cared much what they wore when they were young. I was pretty picky though about matching, clothes on the right way, weather appropriate and clean (to start the day with). I can't stand putting dirty clothes on a kid first thing in the morning. I also insisted (again, no arguement from the wee ones) on clean pjs at night. I wouldn't make them wear anything uncomfortable or anything embarassing. As they got older, they had their little trends, but nothing drastic, thank goodness. Now they are grown, with pretty good taste in dressing and clothes.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

I live in the Northeast, and I will force them to wear winter gear when the temperatures dip. I also will force them to wear gear that is required for certain activities, if they wish to participate in said activities. For example, our town pool requires bathing suits for swimming.

I have never forced them to wear stuff because I thought it was cute.

What does astound me are the number of parents here who think school uniforms are great.


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## TwinsTwicePlusTwo (Dec 7, 2008)

You should see some of the outfits my kids come up with, lol. I only make them change if their private parts are showing (or likely to show when they engage in activity). If it's not weather appropriate, I throw something that is weather appropriate in the back of the van so they can change if/when they want. And they have to be wearing shoes of _some_ kind if we're leaving the house, even if their choice is flipflops in January. Oh, and underwear is not outer-wear. Really, it's just not.







It's not acceptable swimwear either.

I think forcing kids to wear clothing they don't like is controlling and damaging. They're human beings, not living dolls. I would never consider making my family dress a certain way for pictures either. I love that we're all individuals, with our own tastes and styles. Our pictures should reflect that. Honestly, when I see large families all dressed to match it makes my skin crawl. Stepford families. *shudder*


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## angie7 (Apr 23, 2007)

Sometimes I would *prefer* for my kids to wear a certain outfit or shoe but sometimes they just don't want too so I don't force the issue.


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## lemurik (Jul 26, 2007)

DS usually lets me choose for him or give him a limited choice of clothes to wear. As long as he is comfortable, I am ok. We usually have no issue with weather appropriateness. At home he is in PJs most of the time anyway







When we go out, he is usually dressed nicely, but I have pretty much all matching separates, that are comfortable, so its a no-issue. I wouldn't make him wear something he didn't find comfortable, unless it was for a really special occasion (even then I would probably just look for appropriate alternative).


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## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

DD is 2.5 years old. She doesn't dress herself yet. Generally in the morning I pick out two weather appropriate outfits and let her pick. I try to do things that are mix and match so that when she says I want this shirt with those pants I can say sure without it bugging me. Periodically she declines both outfits and we pick something else out together. This is pretty uncommon. She's more likely to just go back and forth and back and forth between the two outfits.

She owns 3 pairs of shoes at the moment. Two sandals and a covered toe pair. Generally I let her pick between at least 2 if not all 3 shoes. I do insist on socks with the closed toe shoes, but it's never been a fight. All 3 pairs are very comfortable flexible soled shoes.

DD does have pretty strong opinions about her clothes. I try to make sure her wardrobe reflects her tastes. She's very into orange. I got two pairs of sandals - one orange and one white. I knew she'd be thrilled to have orange sandals. Her wardrobe includes lots of orange. She loves butterflies, so I often get her clothes with butterflies on them.

I do often force clothes on her, but it's not about the clothing item. She's 2.5 years old, and often does the age appropriate fight against putting on clothes, changing her diaper, etc. I insist she wear clothes, change wet and dirty diapers, and such. It's part of taking care of her. At home, naked time is fine. Playing in the backyard on the swing set in a mulch filled play area, getting in the car to go to the library, park, grocery store, etc, she needs clothes on.







:


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

What does astound me are the number of parents here who think school uniforms are great.
My DD wears a school uniform. She loves it I actually have a hard time getting her to change out of it into general play clothes after school.







. I wore uniforms growing up (till I was in High school) I thought they were the bomb. I don't buy into the idea a school uniform equals a better student of course but honestly yea I do think there kinda great..
On the shoe things OMG I'd so not care if they matched actually I have serched the ends of the earth finding a shoe DD doesn't crumple into tears over and she can **** run and jump.play in. We use the mary jane style crocks here. There blue she uses them with everything.

Deanna


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## Apple Girl (Nov 2, 2007)

I only "force" him to wear certain clothes if it's dangerous to him not to - like he has to wear sneakers for a walk in the woods, and his winter coat if it's below 40. That, and I like him to start the day with clean clothes. Beyond that, anything's fair game. (And his train shirt gets a LOT of wear!)


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

It's not that I don't think it's my right to dress my kids, it's that I don't want to take the time/energy to fight over clothes...I have much better things to do with my time, thanks. So if it's appropriate (we have rules, like no shorts if it's below 65, no sweaters if it's over 85, playground/PE appropriate shoes on school days... and I do not let Janelle wear clothes that shows of her stomach or is falling off her shoulders, cause 6 year olds do not need to wear clothes like that) and it fits, they can wear it.

A good example is Janelle LOVES naartjie clothes...I hate it, all of it, I think it looks ridiculous... But over half of her summer wardrobe is naartjie, cause she's wearing it, not me! Kincaid would wear button down shirts, swearter vests, and khakis every single day, again, I think that looks a little silly for pre-school...but he's wearing it, not me!


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
I
What does astound me are the number of parents here who think school uniforms are great.

I do think uniforms are great...it eliminates one aspect of teasing in the class room, which in KINDERGARTEN is already a big deal.







: We don't have uniforms though.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

I think uniforms arte great too, but they are only in high schools here. I wore uniforms in high school, and am very glad.

Of course, our uniforms consists of several different styles of shirts in at least 3 colours, pants, shorts, skirts, so there was always choices.


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## Green Eyes (Apr 10, 2009)

Kids need to feel in control of some aspects of their lives, and letting them pick what they want to wear is a really harmless way to let them do that! I believe they ought to wear their hair like they want to, as soon as they are voicing an opinion about how they want it.


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## Biscuits & Gravy (Jul 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
DS2 attended a homelearning meetup a couple of months ago wearing one of dd's old nightgowns, which is like a slightly long shirt or tunic on him. He wore it with his jeans, and *insisted that it was "chainmail"*. I'm good with that, too.









This gave me such a chuckle! DS does similar things, only all of his wardrobe concoctions are sports related. He wears gloves constantly, the cheap stretchy kind, and insists they are batting gloves, golf gloves, hockey gloves, etc.

DS is 3 and dresses himself each day. He has been picking his clothes out for a while now, maybe since he was two, but now he can do the dressing and undressing too. I actually love it. I can't wait to see what he is wearing when he disappears to his room to pick out his outfit. He doesn't match things, they have to go together for function or to imitate a sports figure he has seen. Right now he has to have a certain pair of cargo shorts that can hold a baseball in the pocket so that he can be the umpire. He'll decide which sport he wants to play for the day, and his outfit becomes his uniform. It very often results in some questionable fashion statements, but he is 3. I expect it. There are so few things that kids have control over, why not let them control what they want to put on their bodies? Sure, it kind of drives me nuts that he won't put his underwear on the right way, but I get it. The characters are on the butt and he wants to be able to look down and see them. It makes sense.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

The only time I will limit what my daughter wears is when it's a safety issue, not weather approptiate (and then I usually just suggest that we make sure to bring her jacket or sweater) or when she's going to school where they have uniforms.

Ds is 2 and thinks that two pairs of pants (one on his head, one on his legs) is a perfect outfit, so I do limit that.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I think it is dumb to get into a power struggle over matching shoes. I hope moms doing that relax and save their energy for the more important things.
I did some dumb things when my dd was younger too.

I wonder if she does it because she feels judged as a mother based on her dc's appearance or she was made fun of for her clothes growing up? There's probably something at the root of it.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Biscuits & Gravy* 
Sure, it kind of drives me nuts that he won't put his underwear on the right way, but I get it. The characters are on the butt and he wants to be able to look down and see them. It makes sense.

Oh my! I cannot wait to have a boy. That just cracked me up.


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

My DS has just started to care/ comment about wanting certain clothes over others. I pick out his clothes the night before just to facilitate the morning routine, but if he says, "I want the blue shirt!" I will get it. I haven't had any clothing safety issues come up yet, other than him not wanting to wear a jacket when it's cold out. And that problem usually solves itself when he steps outside and gets cold.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

I have the OPPOSITE problem with my DS over shoes. He wants to wear uncomfortable, completely impractical slippery COWBOY BOOTS all the time. I'm saying "Please! Sneakers!" I let him wear the cowboy boots to school (where he can choose to hang out in socks or slippers most of the day) but I say no to cowboy boots at the playground for safety reasons. Otherwise, he is shod to hop in the saddle...

He also likes to wear a great-big rhinestone belt with it







.

Mind you, we do live out west, but we are Jewish. And from New York. We all get a chuckle out of our Rhinestone Cowboy.

But seriously, the only time I regulate clothes are safety reasons or extreme weather. And I wouldn't make him wear shoes that hurt. That's just mean.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
My kids wear what they want, including flip flops to the playground or whatever. If it is cold and theyd on't want tow ear a coat, I bring one because I know they will change their minds real quick.

Same here. My DD even wears flip flops in the freezing cold.


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## angelamariebee (Jun 20, 2008)

My two year old dresses herself like 90% of the time. Sometimes she ends up with shirts inside out or leg warmers on her arms. One day she insisted on wearing two shoes that didn't match. I wasn't about to fight with her about something so trivial. Whatever floats her boat!


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

that sounds like a mean mama (in the op)


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## NinaBruja (Jan 19, 2004)

personally im just happy when my kids are wearing clothes...


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## spicyrock (Apr 11, 2009)

you mamas are awesome. i can't wait for dd to start expressing her desires to wear certain things... then SHE can be the one to argue with her grandma about the beautiful but also horrid frilly dresses my mom puts on my daughter. sigh. she doesn't see grandma much, so i try to let it go...
of course, if dd wants to wear such things i would be happy to let her, in much the same way that she can wear purple and orange or backwards underwear if she so desires.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

I only dictate clothing choices based on safety, appropriateness for the weather (DS would live in turtleneck shirts but it was 100 degrees today, so I told him "no") or really special ocasions (weddings).

But my kids don't really seem to care what they wear, other then DS and his turtlenecks. They wear what I pick out without arguement.


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## Logan's mommy (Jan 19, 2007)

As long as the clothes fit properly and are weather appropriate, I don't care what ds1 wears. The only thing I really have o force is socks with his tennis shoes... oh, and he MUST wear his shoes outside if it's cold. I've found him outside bare footed in about 50 degree weather, which is too cold for bare feet, imo.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Biscuits & Gravy* 
:Sure, it kind of drives me nuts that he won't put his underwear on the right way, but I get it. The characters are on the butt and he wants to be able to look down and see them. It makes sense.

My 4-year old does the same thing. But he is starting to notice that some of his underwear has a "pocket" in the front for his penis.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I think it's fine to make your almost 10 year old wear clothing that she picked out, tried on, said was fine, agreed to wear, but all of a sudden thinks is stupid and ugly and insists that you need to go out right now and get her new, GOOD clothing.


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## theretohere (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
A child is not a fashion accessory.

And that's all I have to say about that.









:


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I just remembered one other area where I'll put on the pressure a little. I won't force it, but I strongly recommend that the kids wear an outfit from my MIL when my in-laws arrive in Vancouver to visit. MIL sends them each an outfit (at least - sometimes an outfit, plus an extra shirt or pair of pants) every Christmas and birthday...and in September. So, I like to have them dressed in one of them when we make our annual visit...just so my MIL can actually _see_ them in it. So far, it's never been an issue, though. DS2 doesn't care, and as soon as I explain to dd, she's more than happy to wear it and show it off for grandma.


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## NinaBruja (Jan 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spicyrock* 
of course, if dd wants to wear such things i would be happy to let her, in much the same way that she can wear purple and orange or backwards underwear if she so desires.

my kids sometimes wear their underwear sideways and backwards


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Unless there's a safety reason not to wear it, DD can wear whatever outfit she comes up with. And she can be very creative with her clothes (or my clothes or DH's clothes. Well in that she wore one of my t-shirts to school yesterday, along with a purple skirt and red high top sneakers...)

We haven't had any say in her clothing choice since she looked up "floozy" in the dictionary. And by that time it was just "You're not allowed to dress like a floozy until you know what one is." She's opted not to dress that way now.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelamariebee* 
My two year old dresses herself like 90% of the time. Sometimes she ends up with shirts inside out or leg warmers on her arms. One day she insisted on wearing two shoes that didn't match. I wasn't about to fight with her about something so trivial. Whatever floats her boat!

DD wore two different shoes once... for the next two weeks all the parents were complaining about how their daughters kept wanting to wear shoes that didn't match...


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

That mama sounds as if she has a control problem - forcing her child to wear shoes that hurt her is not on at all in my book!!

Our kids can wear what they like - we have gone back to the flat on several ocassions to adjust our clothing if it's too hot or cold or whatever, but then they learn that way what is appropriate, I love my kids dress sense and wouldn't change it for the world. In fact some of our school photos have been a riot! lol


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## LilyGrace (Jun 10, 2007)

We have a rule at our house that says if the kid goes out with his friends, he can wear what he likes. If he goes out with us and our friends, he needs to pick something from ---->this half of the closet. It's a way of teaching him appropriate dress for different situations. He's old enough now that yes, I will not let him go to a nice restaurant in flipflops, too-small basketball shorts, and a muscle tee. There's still choice, but it's more limited.

I would never force him into something that made him uncomfortable or hurt, but I will make a clear distinction between play clothes and dress clothes.


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## sharon.gmc (Nov 17, 2008)

A child should wear comfortable clothes.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I insist on my boys wearing what I think is nice for church and other special occasions. Otherwise, they and I really don't care, as long as it is weather-appropriate and not full of holes and falling apart. They never give me any grief about it.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
I live in the Northeast, and I will force them to wear winter gear when the temperatures dip. I also will force them to wear gear that is required for certain activities, if they wish to participate in said activities. For example, our town pool requires bathing suits for swimming.

I have never forced them to wear stuff because I thought it was cute.

*What does astound me are the number of parents here who think school uniforms are great*.

I loved when my son wore uniforms. No fights about what he was going to wear, and to me, it was economical, because he didn't wear out his other clothes as fast.

My son never complained about it, either. He had plenty of time to wear what he wanted.


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## woodsymommyof3 (Mar 25, 2009)

I am pretty relaxed as far as what my kids wear. I feel that they get so little room for expressing themselves, that clothes are a great place to let their personalities shine.

But, I have a few exceptions--it must be weather appropriate. (No flip flops iand shorts in the snow.) It must be situation appropriate. (My DD can't wear a halter top and shorts to synogogue.) If we are leaving the house, it must fit, be clean, and not be threadbare. All 3 of my kids have ratty, tattered t-shirts that they love because they're susper soft. It's fine for a lazy Sunday at home, but not for going out in.


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## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

I have a couple certain dresses that I consider 'house dresses'. Dd loves them, but they're stained, too big, and ratty. She's welcome to wear them around the house, but when we go out in public they come off. She has no problem with this.

I do allow her to wear her velvet dresses. In my mind she looks silly, but in her mind she's beautiful and comfy.

I also insist on panties, and shoes when we go out. This has been an issue, and she's tried to take off her sandals in resturants and grocery stores.


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## Bellabaz (Feb 27, 2008)

If I wanted a doll I would go to the toy store and buy one.


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## A Mom's Love (Sep 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *theretohere* 







:











We have a few standards of dress at our house, but I stress cleanliness & appropriate dress more than what is in style. If a shoe hurts dd, we get rid of it. She is expected to wear at least underwear around the house & I ask her to put on clothes when we have company. Most of the time she's wearing underwear, dress-up clothes or pjs at home. When we go places, I direct her to clothes appropriate for the season. She has her own likes & dislikes when it comes to clothes already & I respect that.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

We have always let DD wear what she wants as long as it's vaguely weather-appropriate, and she puts together some REALLY weird combos. I have actually taken some grief for this from a friend of mine who says I am setting her up to be made fun of. (She is 5.) She says I should not let her go to school dressed like that (she thinks it's fine for home). Curious what others think.

I used to tell her what a conventional choice might be ("Some people think purple and red don't match") but I don't anymore because she never cares.

FWIW, even at 3 there actually were girls at her preschool who criticized her clothes, but not for not matching--for not being girly and "pretty" enough. I was not going to give in to that and start making her wear head-to-toe pink sparkles, though!

ETA that I have always liked the idea of school uniforms because it removes that class/status indicator, makes it easy for parents and gets rid of that distraction...but it would break DD's heart to wear a uniform, so I'm glad she doesn't have to.


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

My oldest is fairly easygoing about his clothing choices, and my center boy is young enough that he could care less what he's wearing. While I don't care what they wear as long as it is remotely weather-appropriate, and Sir H has been known to wear mismatching rain boots, red gym pants and a pink shirt, we do have a deal that I pick out his school and church clothes, and then he is free to choose his clothes the rest of the time. He's in preschool, so it's just a few hours a day. I do like him to look fairly put-together for school, but the very, very few times he's insisted on an outfit or a piece of clothing, then I've let him wear it, as long as it's not hole-y or as I mentioned, weather inappropriate.


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

I will, however, totally cop to that mom who dorks out completely on special occasions and dresses her whole family in matchy-matchy clothes. Now that they are at varying ages with #3 here, they coordinate. DH is a good sport and lets me include him in my living window displays 2x per day (Easter and Christmas).


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Well i'll be in the minority and admit that i have masses of rules about clothes (though none of them would result in DD having to wear shoes that hurt for any protracted period of time - i did once put sandals on her which i wasn't sure about (she was the flower girl at a wedding and her shoes were bought without my input or her feet present!) with the intention that i would put them on her at the bottom of the aisle and her dad would remove them on the pew, but it turned out that they actually fit fine).

I generally pick out what DD wears (she just turned 3) though if she declines something i give her a choice usually. But she
MUST wear clothes in the garden
MUST wear shoes in the garden
MUST wear tights and a vest under her clothes in the winter
MUST wear (and let me re-apply) sunblock or long sleeves in hot weather
MUST wear a waterproof in the rain
MUST change her clothes if they have poo or wee on them or if they are soaked through

Most of those rules probably seem pretty reasonable, but i have still had to enforce them lots of times (DD doesn't think it's reasonable that she's not allowed to roll naked in the snow for hours (i did let her do it once!)).

Matching outfits are SO FAR from my concerns about clothing!

And uniforms rule!


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
DD wore two different shoes once... for the next two weeks all the parents were complaining about how their daughters kept wanting to wear shoes that didn't match...









My dd wears one silver sparkly shoe and one red sparkly shoe. It's the best way to wear your favorite shoes all the time!

I don't care. If they are clean and dressed appropriately, I'm good. I won't buy flip flops for my 3 year old because I hate seeing little girls at the park that can't or won't run and climb because they are wearing flip flops. She covets them but I won't give in on that. Anything else goes.


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## marisa724 (Oct 31, 2003)

I do have rules about clothes, but they really have (almost) nothing to do with pure aesthetics. Honestly, I've bought all of DS's clothes -- I don't have a problem with him wearing any of them. My few things I insist on are:

- weather appropriate (sometimes DS wants to wear his jean jacket when it's 15 degrees out -- he's reasonable about changing when he feels the cold though)\

- sneakers with fasteners to school (his teachers requested 'no crocs' because the kids would slip them off, and then they were forced to get everyone to put them back on to go outside -- no small feat with 18 3-year-olds!)

- *clean* clothes to school (DS has several shirts that he loves, but they have food or dirt stains so I've designated them as playclothes. I don't care if he wears them outside or all around town, but I prefer he looks clean to go to school! This is one thing I will insist on, even if he fights back a little. I just don't want his teachers or classmates to think we don't care about cleanliness.)

As a former urban school teacher, I like uniforms too. In my schools they were always optional, but I'd say 40-50% of the kids opted in. It was nice because it did even the playing field for them a little, and I know that it made it easier on some of the parents to have to buy only a few shirts and a few pairs of pants to rotate through. They had colored polos in long and short sleeves; pants, shorts, and skirts in khaki.


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## Ceili (Nov 21, 2001)

Ds recently started dressing himself and with that came some desire on his part to choose his clothes. We now have the following rules about what can or can't be worn:

It must be clean
It must actually fit
It must not be a safety hazard (for example, i don't allow crocs at the playground because they fall off too easily, especially while climbing)

Also some activities require specific clothes. There is a uniform for dance class and for t-ball games and if we're going to the pool ds has to wear a rash guard shirt to prevent sunburn, etc.


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## babsbob (Nov 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *poxybat* 
personally im just happy when my kids are wearing clothes...

Yeah that too!


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## soccermama (Jul 2, 2008)

If DS wants to a wear a cap or mis-matched shoes, so be it. He's expressing his personality and I love it. He knows how to get dressed and undressed, but more often than not, I do it for him. I enjoy it.








I do let him choose between two or three things that I've picked out myself...we make it a little game.


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## delphine (Aug 12, 2003)

My older son wears a uniform for school and he loves it. It makes mornings so easy. Of course, he does not care at all what clothes he has on. I usually put out clothes the night before for him to change into after school and I pick out his clothes for church. If he asked to wear something else, I would let him.

My younger son has cared about his clothes since he was 18 months old (he's turning 5 this week). He has certain shirts that he loves and he chooses his own clothes in the evening for the next day. Next year, he will wear a uniform for school but can choose his clothes otherwise. I do pick his clothes for church, but will not force him to wear something he hates. I do let him have some say when I purchase clothing, so that helps.

Re: flip flops. I don't allow either of them to wear flip flops. They don't own any so it's not a discussion topic while getting dressed. I do have a reason for not liking flip flops. My sister has a permanently disfigured toe from catching it on a door while wearing flip flops. I know that's probably not a reason to totally ban flip flops but at least for the time being, I only buy closed toed shoes for the boys (Keen Sandals or sneakers)


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraxc* 
ETA that I have always liked the idea of school uniforms because it removes that class/status indicator, makes it easy for parents and gets rid of that distraction.

I never wore uniforms growing up and I always thought similarly to what you posted.

Interestingly enough, a fellow student in my speech class just gave a speech on school uniforms, and said that they really don't remove the class/status indicator. He went to Catholic school all the way up.

His reasons are:

1) Kids can still "alter" the clothing they wear. They can belt the pants low and wear baggy shirts so as to still carry that thuggish look.

2) Expensive coats, backpacks, shoes, and pocketbooks still show who has money and who doesn't.

With regards to the OP, I have never forced my kids to wear something they dislike or that hurts them. I have forced them to wear mittens, socks, and jackets. My DS1 thinks showers and such are overrated, and I have refused to take him out of the house unless he cleans up and puts on clean clothes. I don't know why he's so grubby....he wasn't raised that way, and nobody else here is like that.

My ex (the boys' dad) used to pick fights about clothes matching when they were small. It used to make me so mad....like, there are so many more important issues to battle over.


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## betsyj (Jan 8, 2009)

My little sister insisted in wearing one of three identical (but different colored) sundresses for an entire year. In the colder months she wore them around her waist and tied with a purple sparkly belt to keep the dress from dragging and also included some colorful stripped tights. Man she was so mismatched color wise it hurt your eyes.

But we did not care-it wasn't worth the battle. My hubby was the only person who could convince her to wear something else if we were going for a walk or something.

So, if something bothers me like flipflops, crocs, or those rollerball shoes I simply won't buy them. Since he is so young I will be the one in charge of buying his clothes and can exert my influence/preference that way.


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## pinksprklybarefoot (Jan 18, 2007)

I am probably in the minority here. DH and I believe that it is important to look nice for school/family gatherings, so DSD chooses an outfit instead of individual pieces so everything matches. That being said, she has a lot of say in the outfits. I try to buy things that I think that she will like, and let her pick out outfits to purchase as well. If she wants to modify an outfit, she can, as long as it still matches. For family gatherings, a lot of times we'll pick something out together. She is probably becoming a bit of a clothes horse at this point - for a child who lives here every other week, the size of her wardrobe is a little ridiculous.

DS really doesn't care what he wears yet, so I just dress him.

I wouldn't ever force the kids to wear something that was uncomfortable just because it matched, though. We usually try everything on right after buying it for that reason. If something is itchy or too small, we'll return it.

I also try to limit the numbers on shoes and buy a pair or two that match everything. It makes life easier.


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## Asher (Aug 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
I only insisted if it was a safety issue. If going to parks, playgrounds or theme parks, wildlife parks, etc etc... one should have on real sneakers. Not some flip flop or open toe thing.


I agree. I was apalled on another board that someone was bribing their kid financially to wear specific outfits, too.

Just not worth it.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

The only thing I require is that their clothing is weather appropriate. And my oldest must wear closed toed shoes for PE.

Other than that, its their body, they can decide what they like and what's comfortable.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

I'm glad to hear your view, since I was beginning to feel in the minority too! I did care what my kids looked like, I felt it reflected on me. I never forced them, but I wouldn't go out in dirty, mismatched clothes, so I just couldn't wrap my mind around letting them. To each his own, I guess!


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Luckily I don't have to address "weather appropriate" as there just isn't that much weather in San Diego. When they were younger, it definitely wasn't worth a power struggle beyond basic "you need something on to go out" and "you need your privates covered at home". Now my kids are old enough (9 & 6) that they understand differences in occassion and the impact of dress on perception so we rarely even discuss dress choices. Very occassionally I will request they wear something specific and they are generally cooperative. As in "We are getting a family picture and it would be great if we were all wearing X". The most fun was a centenial celebration at church where I made everyone historical outfits.

I guess I do have certain standards and I mostly enforce these by not buying what I don't consider appropriate. For DD I am picky about skirt length/basic modesty and the safety of heeled shoes for a running girl. I also don't buy violent images for DS, nor anything that looks "military" or "gang-like". I do require that things fit correctly and generally simply remove things from the closet as they get too small. I do require "real" shoes when riding bikes/skateboards/scooters for safety, but beyond that don't care about shoes so much.

Both my kids wear uniforms to school, which I think we all appreciate because it cuts way down on morning stress. DS occassionally complains about the uniform shoes (not many choices for his wide feet) and grumbles about the jacket/tie on Fridays but nothing serious and its part of the deal for school.

When there are specific requirements for school/camp/sports I will enforce those, but these are mostly common sense safety requirements so its not a big deal. The only real power struggle we've ever had was over DS and wear a cup for baseball and now karate. I got tired of fighting it, coach benched him from the game for not wearing it, not an issue anymore.

My dilemma ends up being "overdressing", especially DD likes to be really dressed for church and going out. Thank goodness for cheap finds on eBay because she likes a fluffy dress, dress shoes and maybe a hat for Sunday mornings. DS has figured out that this gets positive attention and will generally wear dressy shorts (he hates pants) and a polo for church, which I figure is pretty good for a 9 YO boy.


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## seriosa (Apr 2, 2009)

I won't force my 6yo DS to wear anything he doesn't want too, and never anything he wasn't comfortable in. But I will veto some of his choices if I don't feel they are appropriate, and sometimes, that means aesthetically appropriate too. Lucky it doesn't happen often, he is conservative and fussy about matching colors within a very narrow spectrum (me too). I will only intervene for outdoor wear though. He spent yesterday afternoon in a hoodie, long socks and underwear as the only matching pants were in the wash and nothing esle would do... I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

The only thing that comes to mind that I force my children to wear is sunhats in the summer when playing outside. DD1 has shoes issues, she only wears crocs or flip flops, I'd prefer her to wear other shoes especially at the playground but it is not worth forcing the issue.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Forcing kids to wear clothes because they're "cute" or "match" is how you get stupid outfits like the pajamas I encountered in the store a few years back. The outside was adorable and soft and fluffy and the inside was this super scratchy plastic grid material worse than burlap.


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## Just My Opinion (Nov 26, 2008)

My daughter wears the same blue mary-jane, knock off crocs to every occasion. We are talking, from easter to Christmas and everything in between. She loved them so much that when they went on clearance last year I bought another pair in the size up -- so, she has been wearing these shoes for a year straight.

What can ya do...









The only rule we have is you can't be naked while going out. Now, we have never forced clothing on her, she just knows the rule. I am not willing to risk a call to CPS just to give her the "freedom" to be a nudist in a clothed society that frowns upon such things.

Other than that, I think the OP's example is absolutely absurd.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

OP, I know exactly what board and thread you are referring to. I've been talking about it with a few other posters in PMs throughout the morning.

The thread started because she only puts her kids in matching outfits- including shoes and hairbows. Her young child refused to wear the matching FLIP FLOPS. Many people on the thread said that THEY THEMSELVES don't like things between their toes.

Well, the other lady posted, quite emphatically, that she forces her kids to wear whatever she says. Because she's the grown up. It doesn't matter what they like or don't like. She compared it to making them try veggies they don't like. Which I don't even think is even close to being the same thing. And then jumped on everyone who disagreed with her (on the basis that she didn't ask for their advice....On a message board.)

I think that flip flops (and other types of shoes) fall into a category in which they are either comfy or they aren't (or need to be broken in.) If shoes hurt ME, why would I keep wearing them. Shouldn't my kids have the same rights?


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## Materfamilias (Feb 22, 2008)

I cannot understand forcing a child to wear something that is uncomfortable. Or that the child doesn't want to wear. I assume I can dress DD how I like until she decides she wants to be the one to pick out what she wears (she's 8 months now







)


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

It is the life of a young child, to play and explore and create. It is hard to do these things, in shoes that are uncomfortable...I mean, I get trying to persuade her to wear a cute top or matching hat...but trying to squeeze uncomfortable shoes on a two year old? That sounds like torture to me!

As a kid who was told what to wear until she was almost out of high school....I won't force anything on my kids, outside of safety, weather appropriateness and special ocassions. I love the outfits that kids come up with when they are given the chance to pick their own clothes...I love seeing little styles come out...IMO, little ones who pick their own clothes, feel better....they are expressing themselves and that ROCKS!

I think the mama in the OP, needs to let some of that go....if she;s seriously going to pick uncomfortable shoes as a battle she wants to fight with a two year old...well, if I had to put money on who wins....I'm going with the two year old! She's wasting her time and causing unecessary tension.

But then.....I have seena growing trend....babies and doggies as accesories(sp?). Which is sad...because, you know, they are separate, living creatures.

THanks to all of you mamas who posted about your LOs budding fashion sense....it makes me look forward so much to the outfits that will come out of my LOs closets some day!!







:


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Quote:

I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?
I can expose my child to my idea of good dress sense through MY clothes. I don't need to impose my idea of good dress sense onto her, though.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Wow, I'd understand it more if it were the other way around: a mama _not_ allowing her LO to wear uncomfortable shoes if they were going somewhere that required a significant amount of walking or something. But making her wear shoes that hurt, just because they were _cute_? That's odd.


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## mystiquesmom (May 20, 2008)

Other than weather appropriateness, I let DS do the choosing. I got some weird looks from people when I let DS wear running shoes to a wedding. It was going to be a long day, it was easier for me than having him act up because he was uncomfortable. I figure the less battles, the better, there are more important ones that I need to conserve my energy for(like bedtime, teeth brushing and other related things).


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## pinksprklybarefoot (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BethNC* 
OP, I know exactly what board and thread you are referring to. I've been talking about it with a few other posters in PMs throughout the morning.

Me, too. I had a feeling about where this discussion was happening, and I was right.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

LOL. Small world.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

This is less about clothes, entirely about power, authority, doing it 'my way'. It's just manifest in clothing, the parent's particular interest.

I went through the same issue with my daughter, who is my first child. I thoroughly enjoyed dressing her in clothes I'd so enjoyed picking out. It was fun, I got to submerge myself in girlyness.

Alas, little did I know I was only being humored.







When she was about 4 she started asserting her own clothing preferences. It kind of caught me by surprise, and I tried to insist (sometimes successfully) that she wear this or that. She should wear what I tell her to wear! She wasn't supposed to be arguing about clothes till she was ...older! But eventually I didn't want to squash her and didn't want to fight about it and reluctantly let it go.

That was one of the first experiences as a new mom where I was learning how to get my priorities straight.

=========

Ah, there are 5 pages of responses.







:


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraxc* 
We have always let DD wear what she wants as long as it's vaguely weather-appropriate, and she puts together some REALLY weird combos. I have actually taken some grief for this from a friend of mine who says I am setting her up to be made fun of. (She is 5.) She says I should not let her go to school dressed like that (she thinks it's fine for home). Curious what others think.

I'm the same way. So was my mom. I once picked out some multi-coloured striped material (rainbow) that I wanted for my new pants. Mom told me it was unusual, and probably not meant for pants, but I _loved_ it. So, she bought it, and made me pants. Yeah - some of the kids teased me. That happens. I'd rather be teased for being me than try to be someone else, and still get teased for not doing it right. DS1 thought about cutting his hair (about at his shoulder blades at that time) in 1st grade, because he was being teased. We talked about it. He decided it was his hair, and he liked it, and he left it alone...and finally cut it at the beginning of 7th grade, when it was down roughly to his bum. I bought him a pink t-shirt for an anti-bullying day a couple months (I think?) ago. He wore it today. He wears a studded belt, with a wallet and chain...but he has half a dozen Peek-A-Poohs hanging off the chain. He had a few hassles when he was little, but he's totally comfortable in his own skin now, and really doesn't care what other people think about his clothes or his personal style.

Quote:

I used to tell her what a conventional choice might be ("Some people think purple and red don't match") but I don't anymore because she never cares.
I do that with dd a little, just so she knows. She almost never cares, though. And, you know...she plays with a lot of the neighbour kids, and I don't think any of them have ever said anything about her offbeat way of dressing.

Quote:

ETA that I have always liked the idea of school uniforms because it removes that class/status indicator, makes it easy for parents and gets rid of that distraction...but it would break DD's heart to wear a uniform, so I'm glad she doesn't have to.
There were rumbles about uniforms when I was in high school. It would have been the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and I fully intended to drop out if they were instituted. I never gave a crap about the class/status garbage, but I wanted to dress like _me_.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marisa724* 
As a former urban school teacher, I like uniforms too. In my schools they were always optional, but I'd say 40-50% of the kids opted in. It was nice because it did even the playing field for them a little, and I know that it made it easier on some of the parents to have to buy only a few shirts and a few pairs of pants to rotate through. They had colored polos in long and short sleeves; pants, shorts, and skirts in khaki.

That kind of makes me laugh. In all my years of high school, I never owned more than two pairs of shoes (one kept for PE, but I used the same pair for years, as I basically didn't do PE), 2-3 pairs of cheap jeans, and a half dozen or so t-shirts. We never had a uniform, but we certainly didn't need to buy a lot of clothes. Mind you, I'm not sure how that works, anyway, unless the kids are wearing their uniforms outside school, as well. They still need clothes.

And, the poster who mentioned that her dh said uniforms don't remove the class/status indicators. That was my experience with my cousins, and the school my niece goes to. I see the kids from her school on the bus sometimes, and it's not hard to tell who has money and who doesn't.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Reading this thread makes me realize one of the reasons I tend to have different views on this than a lot of people. I _will_ go out in "dirty" clothes, because I don't consider a clothing item with a stain that can't be laundered out to be "dirty". It has a mark on it, is all. I've seen people throw away clothes, because they're "ruined" by a stain, and it's always bothered me, as usually the clothes are perfectly usable. I just don't look at it that way. I wouldn't wear something with a stain to a wedding or funeral or whatever, but I have no problem with stained clothes when I'm out to visit a friend or relative, take the kids to the park, grocery shopping, etc.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I missed that this was a comfortable shoe issue. My feet hurt a lot of the time and I have a difficult time finding good shoes. So I am hyper vigilant about making sure my kids are wearing comfortable shoes. I would never in a million years make my kid wear uncomfortable shoes.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Viola* 
I think it's fine to make your almost 10 year old wear clothing that she picked out, tried on, said was fine, agreed to wear, but all of a sudden thinks is stupid and ugly and insists that you need to go out right now and get her new, GOOD clothing.










Oh my, this was definitely an issue for a while there!


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I only require that clothing be appropriate to the season and event (playground, etc.) amongst what we've already accepted into our home.

That said, I won't purchase clothes that I consider inappropriate (the kids have never asked for anything inappropriate, being young still) and I have once in a great returned or thrift store-donated clothes that are inappropriate for our values (camo, guns, Disney princesses, Dora, Hannah Montana). Now that DD can ask for Dora or Disney clothes, I'm okay with them.

I have also once had to tell DD she needs to wear the new shoes we bought together, and not beg repeatedly for different ones. She picked out new shoes, they were comfortable and fine, and then 2 days later she decided she didn't want those, she wanted different ones she saw in a store window. That I said no, her new ones were great and she needed to wear them.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Reading this thread makes me realize one of the reasons I tend to have different views on this than a lot of people. I _will_ go out in "dirty" clothes, because I don't consider a clothing item with a stain that can't be laundered out to be "dirty". It has a mark on it, is all. I've seen people throw away clothes, because they're "ruined" by a stain, and it's always bothered me, as usually the clothes are perfectly usable. I just don't look at it that way. I wouldn't wear something with a stain to a wedding or funeral or whatever, but I have no problem with stained clothes when I'm out to visit a friend or relative, take the kids to the park, grocery shopping, etc.

Lol -- I do that too, and any time someone mentions the stain I say, "Where? Oh, whoops!" and pretend like I didn't notice.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Ah yes, DD also does the two mismatched shoes thing. I think it's cute. She's tried to get me to do it as well, but I think for an adult it wouldn't come off as cute!


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## angelamariebee (Jun 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
That kind of makes me laugh. In all my years of high school, I never owned more than two pairs of shoes (one kept for PE, but I used the same pair for years, as I basically didn't do PE), 2-3 pairs of cheap jeans, and a half dozen or so t-shirts. We never had a uniform, but we certainly didn't need to buy a lot of clothes. Mind you, I'm not sure how that works, anyway, unless the kids are wearing their uniforms outside school, as well. They still need clothes.

And, the poster who mentioned that her dh said uniforms don't remove the class/status indicators. That was my experience with my cousins, and the school my niece goes to. I see the kids from her school on the bus sometimes, and it's not hard to tell who has money and who doesn't.

I kept wanting to say this when uniforms were first mentioned. I went to a middle school briefly where there was a uniform dress code. You could definitely still tell which kids had money, based on the clothes alone. For me, it was a humiliating experience. Not only did I hate the uniform, but everyone could still tell my clothes were bought at Wal-Mart. (I imagine it wouldn't have been humiliating if I'd _always_ gone to a school with uniforms.)


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
Ah yes, DD also does the two mismatched shoes thing. I think it's cute. She's tried to get me to do it as well, but I think for an adult it wouldn't come off as cute!









I used to do that...but I was...odd.

In my late 20s, I went through a two-tone phase, and spent most of my weekends, as follows:

Left side: Blue jean (had a pair dyed black on the other side), white shoe, gold earring, blue/green/gold eyeshadow, blue eyeliner, blue mascara, red lipstick, pink-toned blush, red nailpolish (sometimes overlaid with gold sparkles), gold-tone watch, wedding ring set (gold).

Right side: Black jean, black shoe, silver earring, blue/purple/silver eyeshadow, black eyeliner, black mascara, "black cherry" (kind of a deep plum-like colour) or black lipstick, brown/beige-toned blush & black nailpolish (sometimes overlaid with silver sparkles), silver-tone bracelet, silver ring.

I didn't have any two-tone shirts, so I just wore a black t-shirt, usually from a Judas Priest tour.

People did think it was kind of weird, and my sister said I was a freak, but it was fun. Getting two colours of lipstick on correctly is tricky, though.


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## Ducky5306 (Jul 2, 2006)

Quote:

I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?
(I couldn't find who wrote this only that it was Quoted on page 5)

I do expose my son to beautiful and good music, books, art, etc, and if he wants to paint crazy things with 12 different colors who am I to say its not beautiful? Kids do feel their choice of dressing is wonderful just as they feel their art, singing, etc is great and it is! I wouldn't want my son to paint or sing in a certain way and I don't really care how he dresses most of the time.

Now with that being said I do sometimes (sometimes often) have to force him to wear ANY CLOTHES AT ALL! You can not go to target with a 3 y/o wearing nothing but elmo underwear







I do try to let him pick his clothes out or put him in something I know is comfy for him.

I do think its wrong to force a child to wear anything they are uncomfortable wearing..


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ducky5306* 
Now with that being said I do sometimes (sometimes often) have to force him to wear ANY CLOTHES AT ALL! You can not go to target with a 3 y/o wearing nothing but elmo underwear







I do try to let him pick his clothes out or put him in something I know is comfy for him.

Oh, yeah - my kids have all been nudists. We just have a "you have to wear clothes when we go out" rule. If they ask why, I just tell them that's how it is. None of them like it at first, but they get used to it.


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## Ducky5306 (Jul 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
Ah yes, DD also does the two mismatched shoes thing. I think it's cute. She's tried to get me to do it as well, but I think for an adult it wouldn't come off as cute!









I came home one day last summer after being out all day at different stores and running errands and took my sandals off only to notice that one was light brown with green and blue on stones it in and the other black with pink trim







oops!! i'm sure i looked alittle nuts but at least i didn't notice til i was home!


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## LizLizard (Jul 16, 2007)

Funny thing about the underwear.... my oldest girl has Cars boys briefs, and wears them backwards so she can see the picture. Boys underwear have cooler pictures than girls underwear do, of course she wants to see them!

Also, she went to the store the other day wearing a pair of her dad's white socks.... she INSISTED that they fit (sure, up to her thighs, over her jeans), and shoved her shoes on over them. They're only young once and the longer I can wait for the matchy-matchy phase to start, the better.

I think the only thing I insist on is that she put her shoes on the right feet, 'cause we've had 2 occasions now that she's worn them on the wrong feet, ran, tripped and fell on her face. She hasn't learned cause/effect on that one yet.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelamariebee* 
I kept wanting to say this when uniforms were first mentioned. I went to a middle school briefly where there was a uniform dress code. You could definitely still tell which kids had money, based on the clothes alone. For me, it was a humiliating experience. Not only did I hate the uniform, but everyone could still tell my clothes were bought at Wal-Mart. (I imagine it wouldn't have been humiliating if I'd _always_ gone to a school with uniforms.)

There was a really extensive argument..I mean thread...about uniforms in the school section not to long ago. General conclusion was that it varied so much depending on the age of students, type of uniform/dress code, parent cooperation, and the enforcement policies. They can work, but they don't always.


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## angelamariebee (Jun 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
There was a really extensive argument..I mean thread...about uniforms in the school section not to long ago. General conclusion was that it varied so much depending on the age of students, type of uniform/dress code, parent cooperation, and the enforcement policies. They can work, but they don't always.

Yeah, I'm not against them. I think most of my problem was that I was forced to wear it right as I was hitting puberty and was already self-conscious. I was just saying that I don't feel that they always eliminate the class issue.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

i can understand wanting your LO to look put together and oh-so-adorable, but the idea of inflicting actual PAIN to do it makes feel sick.









there are SOOOOO many cute shoes out there that are good for little feet. i wont say how many pairs of robeez, pedi peds, see kai runs i've impulse bought to match an outfit... hehee... but i'd never force her to wear something that she hated or hurt dd.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seriosa* 
I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?

You can do that without impeding on his idea of good or beautiful.

DD has her own sense of whats good and whats beautiful. Be it with music, books, art or anything else. It's this sense that leads to her unique outfits, that and she's not afraid to try something new. I have learned that what may seem like unmatched and unappealing dress before you see can in fact, be quite a nice outfit.

Now admittedly I wouldn't wear anything similar to DD's "Happy Clothes", but they are some pretty amazing outfits and have a lot more style then many of the "fashionable" clothes.

The only person I dress is DH and that's because I refuse to admit I married a dork who likes sweater vests.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Also, the conversation reminds me of our wedding.

DD wore her fancy "pinchy shoes" for the ceremony, but switched to "Happy shoes" for the reception... Multicoloured sneakers that went surprisingly well with her flower girl dress. A couple of people commented on the inappropriateness of those shows at a wedding, but when DH and I just laughed it off they stopped complaining. We didn't care if she wanted comfort for dancing.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
You can do that without impeding on his idea of good or beautiful.

DD has her own sense of whats good and whats beautiful. Be it with music, books, art or anything else. It's this sense that leads to her unique outfits, that and she's not afraid to try something new. I have learned that what may seem like unmatched and unappealing dress before you see can in fact, be quite a nice outfit.

DD's taste is still definitely that of a child, but I think she's probably got way better dress sense and more style than I ever have. She probably gets it from my MIL (who never dresses really fancy, but is just one of those really put together looking people, as a general rule).


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## Ofwait (Feb 16, 2008)

For me its more of trying to get my girls to not wear their fancy flower girl dresses from their uncles wedding out to play in the yard. Other wise what I worry about is weather appropriate, no shorts when there is snow on the ground, and closed toe shoes to the play ground...mainly because thats better than pulling splinters out of their feet.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Also, the conversation reminds me of our wedding.

DD wore her fancy "pinchy shoes" for the ceremony, but switched to "Happy shoes" for the reception... Multicoloured sneakers that went surprisingly well with her flower girl dress. A couple of people commented on the inappropriateness of those shows at a wedding, but when DH and I just laughed it off they stopped complaining. We didn't care if she wanted comfort for dancing.

I can't believe that people made negative comments about what your DD had on her feet. That's crazy. She's a kid.


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## Ducky5306 (Jul 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
Also, the conversation reminds me of our wedding.

DD wore her fancy "pinchy shoes" for the ceremony, but switched to "Happy shoes" for the reception... Multicoloured sneakers that went surprisingly well with her flower girl dress. A couple of people commented on the inappropriateness of those shows at a wedding, but when DH and I just laughed it off they stopped complaining. We didn't care if she wanted comfort for dancing.

*I* wore multicolored *Light Up* sneakers at *my* wedding







you honestly couldn't tell under my big dress but I didn't want to try to wear high heeled shoes on the beach at night, I did show off my "fancy" shoes quite afew times!


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## Ceili (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 

Interestingly enough, a fellow student in my speech class just gave a speech on school uniforms, and said that they really don't remove the class/status indicator. He went to Catholic school all the way up.

His reasons are:

1) Kids can still "alter" the clothing they wear. They can belt the pants low and wear baggy shirts so as to still carry that thuggish look.

2) Expensive coats, backpacks, shoes, and pocketbooks still show who has money and who doesn't.

At my son's school baggy ill-fitting clothes will get you written up for a uniform code violation (same with skirts/shorts that are too short).

And their uniform code requires specific shoes (your choice of one of three styles) and our weather is such that heavy coats, etc are almost never needed. They have uniform sweaters and windbreakers, there are maybe 5 days out of the year that anything heavier than that is needed. I guess expensive purses are still possible, but it's not really an issue in Kindergarten.

It's a small private school so the student population is somewhat homogeneous, but honestly I can't pick out whose got more money than who until the carpool line starts and I can see the cars... and even then it's hard to tell because sometimes it's the nanny/babysitter's car.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BethNC* 
I can't believe that people made negative comments about what your DD had on her feet. That's crazy. She's a kid.

Especially since it looked pretty good and I sort of regret not letting her wear them to the ceremony. She did wear them in some of the official photos though.


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
Interestingly enough, a fellow student in my speech class just gave a speech on school uniforms, and said that they really don't remove the class/status indicator. He went to Catholic school all the way up.

His reasons are:

1) Kids can still "alter" the clothing they wear. They can belt the pants low and wear baggy shirts so as to still carry that thuggish look.

2) Expensive coats, backpacks, shoes, and pocketbooks still show who has money and who doesn't.

That makes sense to me. I have no experience with either myself or my kids wearing a uniform, but another way I would think the uniforms don't remove the status issue is, you can buy "uniform" clothes almost anywhere these days. And you can really tell if your uniform clothes are from K-Mart or from Talbot's. Or if you are outgrowing them or they are old and patched, etc. If they really want uniformity, x number of new uniforms in your size should be included in your tuition each year or something.

Jen


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I used to do that...but I was...odd.

In my late 20s, I went through a two-tone phase, and spent most of my weekends, as follows:


Cool! I would love to see pictures!

Jen


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenP* 
That makes sense to me. I have no experience with either myself or my kids wearing a uniform, but another way I would think the uniforms don't remove the status issue is, you can buy "uniform" clothes almost anywhere these days. And you can really tell if your uniform clothes are from K-Mart or from Talbot's. Or if you are outgrowing them or they are old and patched, etc. If they really want uniformity, x number of new uniforms in your size should be included in your tuition each year or something.

Jen

And even then, you can tell who has more money (or time.) I used to teach at an inner city school. My kids all wore uniforms. Some kids had really worn uniforms (even newish ones can look old rather quickly if not cared for properly.) Others had new-looking uniforms all the time.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BethNC* 
OP, I know exactly what board and thread you are referring to. I've been talking about it with a few other posters in PMs throughout the morning.


Yeah, I was afraid to be too obvious about the other forum, but I REALLY wanted to talk about it here. The thing that I guess interested me so much (or concerns me actually) is the mindset that if you're the parent you get to do whatever you want regardless of the impact on the child. I have no problem telling my child "no" when necessary and I'm fully prepared to be the "mean mom" to my teenager when it becomes necessary, but I think something as petty as "fashion" is kind of like abusing your authority... and I love clothes...


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## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ceili* 
It's a small private school so the student population is somewhat homogeneous, but honestly I can't pick out whose got more money than who until the carpool line starts and I can see the cars... and even then it's hard to tell because sometimes it's the nanny/babysitter's car.

In my experience people there are quite a few people with massive amounts of wealth that drive good quality cars into the ground, complete with rust and missing door handles.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pigpokey* 
In my experience people there are quite a few people with massive amounts of wealth that drive good quality cars into the ground, complete with rust and missing door handles.

True.

Having a nice car can mean that you have a lot of debt rather than a lot of money.

That really goes for any sort of material thing, though.


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## 1xmom (Dec 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
A child is not a fashion accessory.

And that's all I have to say about that.

I couldn't agree more


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## Ceili (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pigpokey* 
In my experience people there are quite a few people with massive amounts of wealth that drive good quality cars into the ground, complete with rust and missing door handles.

This is true, you should see my husband's Prius, it's a sad sad sight (not that we have massive amounts of wealth though... just no debt and a stable income, which in this economy is blessed enough). I was just saying that the distribution of wealth in my kid's school is apparently not as obvious as some of the other posters experiences with school uniforms.


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

Okay, now that I've posted twice off-topic, I'll address the OP's question!
It all boils down to whether we see children as their own human beings of whom we are guardians during their vulnerable years, or if we see them as our possessions. No surprise, from the responses, MDC'ers see children as autonomous human beings. We all seem to have rules about clothes that pertain to keeping the children safe from weather or physical hazards, and to some degree to learning when a certain type of clothing is appropriate, but that the child can within those bounds express his or her own taste and style.
Like most here, our own house rules are pretty much the clothes must be appropriate to the weather, and you have to wear underpants or shorts (or thick tights) under a skirt. Hey, who am I to give fashion advice? For me, it's a big fashion day if my bandana (worn to cover my gray and usually messy hair) matches my shirt! Besides, who wants the hassle of arguing over clothes, especially if the kid has actually dressed himself? When I tell the kids they aren't allowed to do certain things, I feel there should always be a good explanation for why. And if the best reason for "why can't I wear this?" is "because I think those socks look silly with that dress" then that just isn't a good enough reason.
My mother-in-law is really INTO clothes, and she loves to buy clothes for the kids. My daughter really enjoys the clothes, but when she is given an "outfit" she ends up mixing and matching as she pleases. So it causes some bad feelings: MIL sees DD in some crazy get-up and feels personally rejected because she thinks DD doesn't like her gift because she isn't wearing it the "right" way. DD feels personally rejected because she feels Grammy doesn't like her because Grammy insults the way she dresses.
Last year, Grammy got DD a Halloween-themed outfit: skirt, LS shirt, tights, socks. Well, the following week Grammy came to visit and it was unseasonably warm so she put on the skirt but with a short-sleeved shirt and with the socks but no tights and with white sandals. Grammy and Pappy seemingly could not stop with the rude comments ("did you get dressed in the closet? Are you color-blind?" etc.) even when we told them how rude they were and to STOP IT. Their excuse was, she needs to change or she will get made fun of. Well, YOU are the ONLY ones making fun of her! Then we all went for a walk in the neighborhood and, no lie!, FOUR different people stopped to say how CUTE her outfit looked!! So much for getting made fun of.
Then there's DS with his dresses... and the hilarious thing is, at Easter he went to Grammy's house wearing the complete coordinated outfit that she had bought for DD two years earlier. Hey, at least he was coordinated! Her only comment was, "what will you do when he gets OLDER and still wants to wear a dress?" Umm, let him wear a dress, what difference is it how old he is? Besides, I'm the wrong one to ask about that. I love dudes in dresses. One of my favorite things about Dead shows was all the hot guys wearing a skirt and nothing else (I think they were breaking the underwear rule!;-)). Then there's kilts (yum!) and David Bowie, and then Ashton Kutcher imitating David Bowie on That Seventies Show...I like drag too but that's a different department, guys dressing up to look like a woman. I'm more into guys looking like a _guy_ in a dress/skirt. If that makes any sense. (As David Bowie described it, and this may not be an exact quote but close enough,"no, no, I'm not dressing like a woman. This is a MAN'S dress!")

Grammy seriously needs to get herself a doll to dress up! They always wear the coordinated outfit with all the accessories just the way you like, and they even wear their hair the way you want them to. None of those pesky ideas of their own...

Jen


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## mama_mojo (Jun 5, 2005)

I occasionally insist on looking "nice", but I'm pretty flexible on what that means. As they get older, it mostly means clean.







I also make matching outfits for all three; it's really adorable. AND- they all usually enjoy wearing them together ONE time. Then it's all a mix and match kind of thing. But, I have never even mildly coerced them to wear the matching things, so if you see me with my kids in matching clothes, please don't assume I did it for the public's benefit. My children chose it, and they think they look cute, and their mother does, too.


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## mommy amber (Mar 29, 2008)

usually dd wears whatever she wants...but on the issue of shoes, for highly sensitive children the breaking-in period is an unavoidable debate area! we have gone through the purchase (she helps pick out) and return of several pairs of shoes...some are the exact same shoe she has LOVED in past seasons...just a bigger size/different color. she really just wants to keep wearing the shoes she's used to and loves and has worn in...who wouldn't?...if only I could keep her feet from growing








so, I have finally put my foot down...we got the same keen shoe she wore all last summer in a bigger size and I just keep assuring her that they will get more comfortable the more she wears them...


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama_mojo* 
But, I have never even mildly coerced them to wear the matching things, so if you see me with my kids in matching clothes, please don't assume I did it for the public's benefit. My children chose it, and they think they look cute, and their mother does, too.

About the only time I've ever insisted on matching colors for both kids was when they were both under about 5 years old and I was taking them to the Zoo/SeaWorld/Legoland sort of place by myself. Then I would put them in the brightest, neon-iest color shirts they had that matched so that I could pick them out in a hurry if they got away from me. I don't think I have had to get coercive about it, but it was one of those occasions when I would say "Please wear this because it will make it easier for mommy to see you" and they were always pretty good about it. Or I would buy matching colors when we got to wherever and put them on right away. Since they always loved getting park shirts, that always worked really well.


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## LessTraveledBy (Feb 9, 2005)

I REFUSE to let dd wear uncomfortable shoes, no matter who wants her to. I once just about had a fight with mil over this. I ended up buying her the sort of shoes she wanted to wear for a wedding but she never actually wore them. Ha...

Our 4 y.o. dd picks what she wants to wear. However, I only buy her the sort of things I am comfortable having her pick out of the closet. She also knows that Sunday clothes are separate from play clothes, so she gets to pick then, too, but only among her church dresses.

I dislike it when moms force kids to wear uncomfortable things or to try on a million outfits (or even one if the kid does not want to) for photos...! Here's candy... I don't care if you cry, I want my online friends to see this outfit on you...


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but I think I'm with you.

I have some rules. My son must be wearing trousers and shoes in order to walk out of the house. Ideally, he would also have something on the top half of his body. If it's cold, I insist on a coat. I have, on occasion, carried him to the car and put his shoes on after I put him in his carseat, or to daycare and handed the DCP his shoes and socks. Last week, he was so excited to put on his jacket that he wouldn't pause for a shirt - I dropped him off at daycare and let the DCP know I had put a t-shirt in his cubby. It was no big deal. I agree with those who require close-toed shoes for certain activities, or insist that clothing choices be appropriate.

Would I force a child to wear a specific pair of shoes because they look cute with an outfit? Good heavens, what an unnecessary power struggle. Especially if we think the shoes are uncomfortable.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Heh, I think I have a pretty good idea which board it could be! I have to say I am kind of middle-of-the-road when it comes to the kids clothes. My kids are still young. I do pick their outfits and I do put them in things that match. If ds is getting ready to go out and grabs his red shoes I will say something like, "The red shoes don't match because there is no red in your shirt. Grab the brown shoes instead, OK?" He has never protested. I just view it as a way for him to learn how colors and patterns go together. If he ever actually expressed an opinion about what he wanted to wear, I would experiment with ways to allow him to choose while still attempting to match. When I buy his clothes, I do go out of my way to buy things with themes that reflect his interests--cars, construction, fire trucks, tractors, etc.

I would not make them wear something that was uncomfortable for the sake of looking cute. I rarely buy fashion shoes from children's clothes stores because 95% of them look uncomfortable and poorly made, especially for the price tag. I buy two or three basic pairs of shoes that will match everything, and I shy away from things like flip flops that could hurt their feet, or straps that could rub. I stick with comfy cottons for the prewalkers. One thing that bugs me is seeing a scrunched up newborn all decked out in embroidered denim jeans and a shirt and a cardigan or hoodie and a pair of stiff shoes and a hairbow.


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## labdogs42 (Jan 21, 2009)

I let my kid choose what to wear. Of course, I buy the clothes and I pick things I think are cute, but I also consider his needs. I get him soft fabrics and shirts with things on them that he likes (today he has chosen a crocodile shirt -- I knew he'd like that one!) He went through a sweatpants phase over the winter where those were the ONLY kind of pants he would wear. Sure, it wasn't my favorite choice of pants for him to wear to preschool, but we went with it. Now he's over that. Who knows what his next clothing obsession will be!

I think making your kid wear something because it "matches" is weird and unnecessary. Let them make their own choices!! Yeah!!


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## purple_kangaroo (Feb 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ofwait* 
For me its more of trying to get my girls to not wear their fancy flower girl dresses from their uncles wedding out to play in the yard. Other wise what I worry about is weather appropriate, no shorts when there is snow on the ground, and closed toe shoes to the play ground...mainly because thats better than pulling splinters out of their feet.

laughup Yeah that.

I do have a thing about my kids wearing dirty, wrinkled, too-small, ratty-looking clothes to church or places like that. Mainly because I'm afraid someone will think we're not taking adequate care of the kids rather than that they insisted on pulling their favorite too-small falling-apart dress out of the dirty laundry bin and refused to let me brush their hair. So I have insisted on that (or gotten irritated at DH because of what he let them wear).

I don't care if it matches, usually . . . just that it looks reasonably clean and kempt, and is appropriate for the weather/occasion.


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## mouso (Feb 8, 2007)

My 29 m.o. DD doesn't care about her clothes often, but she *must* pick out her socks every day.

So, they almost never match.








I think it's cute. I'm waiting for those non-matching outfits she will choose eventually- I love when I see kids who are wearing a crazy outfit and it's obvious they've dressed themselves.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
One thing that bugs me is seeing a scrunched up newborn all decked out in embroidered denim jeans and a shirt and a cardigan or hoodie and a pair of stiff shoes and a hairbow.

Oh, that bugs me, too. My daughter is 2 and has never been in a pair of jeans - but, some parents are really proud of their newborn pictures in jeans and tennies. To each their own.


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## Shera971 (Nov 26, 2008)

My son who is almost 4 really doesn't care what he wears. If it has a dinosaur on it or is all blue I might get a "cool shirt" from him but that's about it! LOL

The only things I'm not flexible on are proper winter gear (it can get mighty cold where I live). Oh, and he has to wear his 'poop boots' when playing in the backyard (basically rain boots). We have a large dog and while I usually am able to pick up all the poop, I have missed a pile or two in the past. Washing poop off a nice pair of canvas shoes just ain't my idea of fun.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Green Eyes* 
I believe they ought to wear their hair like they want to, as soon as they are voicing an opinion about how they want it.

I agree here as well, we only have 3 real rules about hair. We will only pay for hair dye once a year, if you want it done more often than that, you have to buy it yourself. You can only use food grade hair dyes till you are done growing. You can only either dye your hair a natural color (not easy with food grade dyes) or only dye it when school is not in session, as per the school dress code rules.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onlyzombiecat* 
I think it is dumb to get into a power struggle over matching shoes. I hope moms doing that relax and save their energy for the more important things.
I did some dumb things when my dd was younger too.

I actually think 2 different shoes, like one "running shoe" and one sandal could be dangerous, so I wouldn't allow that, but Janelle has owned and worn two different colored crocs, sandals (that were the same design, just one pink and one blue), and converse all stars...as long as they are on the right feet, I don't care.


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## hippiemommaof4 (Mar 31, 2008)

heh, my kids have to wear matching shoes...sorry mismatched shoes is something I wouldnt budge on for going out, they have never fought that though. If they are in the house playing no big deal, wear what you want. If we are going out then I pick out their clothes unless something they really want to wear comes to my attention by them. If its 100 degrees here in the deep south you cannot wear a sweatshirt, sorry! When we were in alaska and it was 20 below zero NOT counting the windchill you could not wear short sleeves and you HAD TO wear a snowsuit under your coat. Nope not going to be a heat casualty or get frostbite on mommas watch! If we are staying in the a/c at home then thats fine wear it or when we were at home in our warm house in Alaska it was ok. There are boundaries with clothing just like anything else...it needs to be clean,appropriate for weather etc. and it cant look too mature. Other than that I dont care.


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