# full time co-sleeping vs. part time and do you like it?



## Sariha (Mar 13, 2003)

I see lots of moms and dads are having problems with cosleeping, and it seems one of the things that many of them have in commom is the partial family bed thing. Starting in a crib, or bedside cosleeper. We fully bedshare, from birth til they are ready to leave. No bedtimes for our kids, except when we are ready for bed, and we never lose sleep (5 kids) never have nighttime crying and the babies sleep til we wake up. Any other parents out there fully bed sharing with the same great sleep results? Not sure what the no cry sleep method is, but with out having to buy a book I would say it's sleeping next to our babies full time, no cribs or transfers. Oh, I must add that we don't require time away from our kids, we are able to enjoy each others company with our kids around, (we unschool all of them). We had kids to spend time with them not to figure out ways to be away from them.


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## Mallory (Jan 2, 2002)

In the mothering issue about co-sleeping there was a study about full time, reactionary, and never co-sleepers and the reactionary co-sleepers were the least happy.

I completely agree, when my first was born I expected that he would sleep with us for years, but I almost always started him in his crib (on the other side of the room) from about 4 mo to 10 mo. It didn't seem to matter what time he woke up to nurse, I was always wanting it to be a little longer. I wasn't even expecting him to sleep through the night or not nurse.

But after about 10 months and with #2 we have totally co-slept. And it has been wonderful, they still both get up and nurse and it is very rarely a problem. I think the reason, for us, is because when they had another place to sleep our bed was not really ready for three people to be able to sleep comfortably in. But when we realized that we just had to make enough space and get the blankets and pillow situated for 4 people to sleep there then we can all sleep well. It seems like most people that have a crib or co-sleeper still have a queen or full sized mattress. We needed two fulls on the floor for us to be able to get the best sleep.

When ever I read the post about people needing to get more sleep I just want to suggest turning the clock away (so you don't look at the hours rolling by), and getting a bigger bed. That is really all it took for me to go from a person who just wanted a 4 hour strech of sleep to someone who is mostly oblivious to the 4 to 8 times I am woken every night.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

with liam, we had a cosleeper up until he was about three months old. i never planned to fully cosleep, becuase i have a lot of issues with past sexual abuse and at the time being touched in the middle of the night was very traumatic for me (including by dh - no nighttime cuddling for him!). from the time he was 3 months until around 8 or 9 months, he nursed to sleep in our bed and then i moved him to the crib when i went to bed. he slept through the night on his own there. but when he hit 8 or 9 months, between teethign and figuring out that he preferred to nurse all night rather than taking a bottle while i was at work, he started nearly constant nightwaking. it didn't take long before i got over my emotional issue of having someone sleeping that close to me - heh, its amazing that pure exhaustion can fix what therapy couldn't







. in anycase, from that point on, ds nursed to sleep in bed wiht me whenever he was ready to go, i would get back up if i wasn't ready to sleep yet, and the come back when i was ready. usually from the time i came to bed until i woke for work, he was attached to me. amazingly, i found that i actually slept better most nights than when he had been in his crib, sleeping all night without nursing. now he's 26 months and still cosleeping (though rarely waking to nurse - i'm 26 weeks pregnant and have no supply left, so i guess he figures it isn't worth it to wake up!). with the new baby, we don't plan to use any kind of crib or cosleeper. liam's old crib is now a bed for our three cats!


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

We do as you do. We have coslept with DD from day one. She goes to bed when we do, and she is a great sleeper.

I know the studies have shown that those who do this see better results, but I also believe that some children just have a harder time with sleep. I know there are a few mommies around here who do cosleep the way we do, but don't have it so easy. I think we were blessed with a good sleeper, and that cosleeping just allows that to fully blossom.

I'm glad you like it so much. We do too!


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## Jamiemama (Jan 19, 2003)

Our experience with our 29 month old dd is she coslept with us in our queen sized bed until we transferred her onto her own large mattress on the floor a few months ago. She always slept very well with us and I never felt tired from night time wakings until I became pregnant with no 2. My dd still nurses but does not nurse to sleep anymore or nurse during the night - she wakes once or twice but goes straight back to sleep with a kiss and a tucking in. Unless she woke for a bathroom visit!

For a number of reasons, one of which is space, we won't be getting a king size. So dd #2 due in May will be in bed with us like her big sis was until it makes sense for her to have another sleep space.

I love the family bed but I also don't think it's a case of "people wanting to get away from their kids" if the children have different sleeping spaces or different bed times from mom and dad. Every family is unique and as long as everyone is loved and well bonded I trust that we're all able to make decisions that support the needs of our own families - and therefore we should respect different choices without judging them.


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## dancingmama (Dec 18, 2001)

Hmmm, well I guess I have a different experience than you and the mamas you know, Sariha. We full-time coslept with dd till 5 months. Then we started putting her in her crib from 7:30 when she goes to sleep till around 10:30 when we go to sleep, and she wakes naturally to nurse. So the only time she's not in bed with us is when we are not in bed either! She goes to sleep early cuz she gets up early 2 days/week for daycare, and she just keeps that schedule all week. I like putting her in the crib for that 3 hours, and for her naps, cuz it feels safe and I don't have to worry about her crawling out. And she has a cozy set-up and nice music and a night-light and she sleeps quite soundly there, and with us. And we adore sleeping with her, and we adore our set-up and we wouldn't change a thing!


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## Colorful~Mama (Feb 20, 2003)

we coslept full time till zoey was 10 months old. our bed is high off the ground and aroudn that time she was pulling up and crawling and took a header off the side of the bed. That was it for me.

we put a fullsize mattress on the floor of her room and began partial cosleeping. I'd lay with her to nurse in there, then roll off when she fell asleep. when she'd wake again i'd lay with her in there to nurse again till she fell asleep then go to bed with dh in our room. The next time she woke dh would bring her to me and she'd spend the rest of the night in bed with us. If i got up in the morning before her i'd use the monitor to check and the moment i heard a sound i'd run to get her.

now at age 30months she goes to sleep in her bed with daddy and i laying next to her. once she falls asleep i roll out and dh usually naps with her for an hour or so. lol. Then dh and i crash in our bed. she no longer nurses and usually only wakes up once during the night. either dh goes to lay with her and they sleep in there till morning, (i used to but i'm pregnant and lazy. lol) or he'll bring her to bed with us... or sometimes she'll just wake up and walk into our room and climb up into bed with us (we have a stepstool for her and our smallest dog. lol)

i still enjoy having her in bed with us and waking up to her smiling face..but i have to admit i also enjoy having my bed space to myself - and with a new baby on the way i'd love her to sleep thru the night in her own bed (will that ever happen???) lol


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## LiamnEmma (Nov 20, 2001)

I didn't vote because none of those options fit us. But, we put our children to sleep on our couch near us, then took them to our bed with us until they were about 14 - 16 months old. Then we put them to bed on crib mattresses on the floor (they never slept in cribs). ds went to bed in our room on that mattress for a few months then moved to his room of his own accord. dd went straight to her room. They are free to join us at any point, and ds joins 58 nights out of 60. dd has only recently begun joining us again within the last month, and she usually shows up (meaning, is carried into our room by dh or myself) between midnight and one a.m. Before that she simply slept through the night for some unknown reason. I have no idea when ds joins us most nights because he comes in on his own and just lurps into the bed. I love it!


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## Cloverlove (Jan 2, 2003)

I couldn't vote either.

Ds slept with us til he was 3ish. When we moved he was open to the idea of having his own bed/room. He would go to sleep in his bed and come into our room in the wee hours of the morn.

Dd slept with us until about 2 months ago! She started crawling into ds' bed for stories and decided she wants to sleep there too! Thankfully it is a double bed and ds loves having her with him.

Anyway, she wanders into our bed anywhere from 1-3 and ds comes in around 4-6. I love this new arrangement! For us, it feels like the best of all worlds.

Happy


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## Scout (Jan 23, 2002)

I voted for baby in bed with us full time; he goes to sleep before we do.

Until ds was about a year (he's 18 mo. now), we started him off in his crib and brought him into bed with us when he woke up -- usually around midnight. We finally decided to pick one or the other and stick with it. We chose the bed, and he has slept really really well since we did. While I think it's partly due to the full-time family bed, I also think he was just "ready" to start sleeping through the night.

We love sleeping with our little boy!! He wakes up and says "Mornin'!"









Scout


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## Dana (Nov 28, 2001)

We've coslept full time since day one. Dd and I usually go to bed at the same time because I seem to need as much sleep as she does. We've done every possible natural parenting/ AP thing there is and she still woke up every 1-2 hours at night her entire life! (She's high need / spirited.) So we're a counterexample to the theory that fulltime cosleeping solves all sleep problems! Oh, and dd is 22 mo now and we finally let dh have a turn taking care of her night time needs. I finally had to get some sleep and dd feels very nurtured by dh these days (nights?) And, dd is sleeping longer stretches now too. When she wakes up, dh just says "night night time" and she plops back down and falls a sleep. It's nothing short of a miracle! Sorry if that was too off topic.

Oh and I would do it the same way again if/when i get the chance. I love co-sleeping! I just wish it involved more actually sleeping.


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## moonshine (Dec 5, 2002)

DD goes to bed in our bed before us, but we have been co-sleeping since day one. She used to stay up until we went to bed, but we go to bed quite late, and I was just feeling that it was not the greatest schedule for her. The problem has always been her short stretches of sleep before we are in bed with her, and we still deal with this, although she is at times going for slightly longer stretches. I am still waiting for the day (or night) when she consistantly doesn't wake before we go to bed.

I have casually entertained the thought of moving her into her own bed, but part of our problem is that "her" room is on another floor. Plus, having her in bed with us is too convenient and I love having her close!


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## Jude's Mama (Nov 30, 2002)

I voted full time with putting baby to sleep before us. This only happens once in a while but I still felt compelled to vote that way. Both me and my DH are in the bedroom with the baby just not in bed. Does that make sense??? Sometimes we go on the computer or we need "US" time.


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## Girl Named Sandoz (Jul 16, 2002)

Bed share full time, taking baby to bed when we go. Ever since he was born.

I LOVE it! I get SO muchsleep as well. At least 10 hours per night. With a few nursings in the night which i hardly wake up for.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

We urge the kids to go to bed before us and they usually will fall asleep before we do. The oldest sleeps in his own bed, dh goes to bed with our 2 yo, my middle two kids go to sleep in the family bed. The baby goes to sleep when I do. It works out fine. I feel rested most days.


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## squeakermansmom (Sep 17, 2002)

Please remember that not all of us are in the same situations and what may be "easy" for one mother, may be the "last straw" for another. I have a "spirited" or "high-need" 12 months old ds and find it difficult to wake every 30-45 minutes throughout most nights especially since i work 3 days a week. he also likes to stay attached to my nipple and does so for about 75% of the night. it's totally fine some nights and totally exhausting on other nights. dont' get me wrong, i love cosleeping and nursing, i just wish he didn't wake this frequently all night long to nurse. he is also extremely demanding of my attention during the day. he is by my side or my husband's side during most of his waking hours. we have no family around to watch him even for an hour. i love him dearly and wouldn't trade any of it .....however, i do not think this makes me less of mother because i enjoy an hour or two for just mommy time after he goes to bed. i found the comment about ..." having kids to be with them, not to find ways to be away from them" somewhat offensive. again, we are all in different situations and should be supportive of one another. just voicing my thoughts......


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## mama_kass (Jan 11, 2003)

We love co-sleeping! We go to bed together and the babe sleeps in. I wish babies stayed babies longer. Snuggling up to a little one when going to sleep is so nice. It's just as nice to wake up together.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

It is so wonderful to wake up together, isn't it? I wish our bed was bigger!


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

Ummm...I do require some time to myself, away from ds. I feel no guilt whatsoever in saying that.

My dh works very very long hours and I am the sole parent most every day from the time ds wakes up until he goes to bed. If I went to bed with him every night at 7pm when he falls asleep, I would never get anything done or have just a few minutes of downtime to read, play on the computer or watch television.

He sleeps just fine by himself for a few hours at which time I take him into bed with me/us.

I'm glad your life is so idealic.

As for me, I enjoy my alone time after ds goes to bed.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

"I'm glad your life is so idealic."

Who are you talking about and why such an angry tone? I think we're all just sharing ideas here not pointing fingers. Maybe I misread the tone of your post? I hope so!


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## Quaniliaz (Oct 11, 2002)

We go to bed at the same time as dd, (sometimes we read in bed or whatever, but she sleeps best if we are within 8 inches of her







: )

And I stay in bed with her until she gets up in the morning - except in the past few days I've been getting up a little earlier while she sleeps, but she usually notices that I'm not there after about a 1/2 hour.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

Co-sleeping sure hasn't solved our sleep problems. We co-sleep fulltime and I adore it. It's one of my favorite parts of parenting. But, as I have detailed in many other threads over the months, my kid sleeps horribly. We all sleep horribly. It's a huge issue for us. I don't think he would sleep any better away from us, though...

Jackson also goes to bed before we do. He is an early bedtime kinda guy, like 7:00 p.m. most nights. I don't want to go to bed that early even though I'm exhausted, and I cherish that little bit of time away from him and with my partner. No guilt here. Like some earlier posters, I take some offense to the idea that there is something wrong with 'figuring out ways to be away from' my kid. I am human and I have needs, you know? And one of my needs is a little bit of time to myself here and there. That doesn't seem unusual or outrageous to me.

If your kid is like mine, co-sleeping won't create dreamy sleep. In fact, it won't keep your kid from crying. Or being awake all night. If you haven't had a baby like mine, it's really easy to think that you know the answer, but it's just not that easy...


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## The Lucky One (Oct 31, 2002)

Thank you, tara. I thought I was the only one who found that last sentence a bit too much.

I don't sit around dreaming up ways to be away from my ds. But he goes to bed at 7pm (his schedule, not mine), so I could either join him and lay there wide awake for about four hours and accomplish absolutely nothing, or I could do some much needed cleaning/cooking or just have some alone time.

Sheesh.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

sheesh, indeed! My babe's 7 p.m. bedtime is also his schedule, based on his cues. I could use those couple hours of sleep, but then I'd go crazy for time alone and time alone with my partner. And, sometimes I haven't eaten by that time, either... Or I need to use that time to shower (tara=stinky sometimes!). Pretty basic needs, really. Nothing fancy. Not like I'm trying to get him to sleep early so I can go party or something.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

Wow! I'm glad you guys have found a sleep routine that works for you! That's so great! Since I have 5 kids we've done many different routines! I rarely get a minute to myself but that comes with the territory! LOL! I think it's important to remember that no one is judging you here. We're all just sharing ideas. What works for one of us may not work for another! Take what you like and leave the rest!


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## Sariha (Mar 13, 2003)

What I was saying with the comment about not trying to get away from my kids was that many parents complain about how rough bed time is, because they assume kids need a bedtime. They want a bedtime so "they can have time away from the kids" or "time for themselves". Some kids of course fall asleep early, others later, what I was saying is that trying to put a child to bed when they aren't tired or don't want to go to bed seems selfish to me. That's my opinion of course, not everyones. I understand some parents want bedtimes for their kids, but, they just need to understand that kids don't want to be PUT to bed anymore than an adult wants to be PUT or MADE to go to bed. If a child is falling asleep, go ahead and have a blast, I wasn't talking about babies falling asleep before mom and dad, I was talking about parents giving their child a set "time for bed" schedule to follow and being upset when it didn't work. I have 5 kids, none have ever had a bedtime. My oldest kids are up til midnight or later, my oldest 2 past me usually, my 10 year old and 1 year old go at the same time as me, and my 2 year old usually heads to bed with dad around 10 or 11 and watches videos while daddy snoozes and falls asleep with him til I head to bed. If she doesn't want to go to bed, or cries about leaving me, we let her stay up. I'm a softy I guess, I hated bed time as a child, and remember those feelings, so take my kids gentle hearts into consideration in all that I do.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by ekblad7_
*I think it's important to remember that no one is judging you here. We're all just sharing ideas. What works for one of us may not work for another! Take what you like and leave the rest!







*
With all due respect, I feel some judgement here. Or at least some self-righteousness, which has judgement as an element... It's not just idea-sharing to say things like it's selfish to want your kid to go to sleep so you can have time for yourself. Or to imply that those of us who have read and used 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' really should just co-sleep full-time. There is some judgement and some presumption in there. I appreciate that some of you have had an easy time with sleep and co-sleeping, that some of you don't feel the need to have time for yourself. But this is not my experience and there's nothing selfish about it and there's no easy answer.

And, FWIW, I believe my kid *does* need a bedtime. When we stay out later or don't start our bedtime routine on time as planned we all pay for it. And my child would fight bedtime until next week if I never 'made' him go to sleep. Some kids do well without routine, some kids need more structure, some kids are born sleep-fighters. I consider not only my child's gentle heart but what is in his and our family's best interest, and sometimes that means I put him in pj's even though he struggles and I lie down and nurse him to sleep. Doesn't work every time, and those times perhaps I misread his cues. But most of the time he falls asleep. And I get my selfish time alone.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

ps: I'll bow out now, as it's clear this is a tough subject for me. My buttons are easily pushed on this one.


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

I'm really sorry if you feel judged here. And I'm also sorry if you think that I, for one, have had an easy time with sleeping and co sleeping. I've been a mama for 11 plus years and the word easy would not describe my sleep patterns over those years. Do I love co sleeping, yes, do I also need time to get things done? Of course! Everyone needs time to themselves! Like I said, do what works for you! If you're happy with it then who cares what others think? I had to drop that feeling a long time ago! There's always going to be someone who does it differently!


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## mamapixie (May 30, 2002)

I didn't full-time co-sleep with Jonathen(now 8 months) at first because my DH is a very heavy sleeper, and honestly, I don't trust him when he's sleeping. Usually, when Jonathen would wake up at night, I'd get him out of his bassinet, feed him, and if I stayed awake thru the feeding, I'd lay him back down in the bassinet. Of course, that was only when our 7 year old wasn't in the bed. When he was in the room, I would take Jonathen out to the living room, and feed him on the couch, and 9 out of 10 times, fall asleep with him there.

Right now, I am mostly co-sleeping with him, but he takes most naps, and starts out at night in the playyard(never bothered with a crib). This way, I can do stuff around the house, etc, before I go to bed, and not worry about not hearing him wake up and him falling off the bed. My DH is currently in S. Korea with the Army, so the worries about his heavy sleeping are gone. And the bed is a true family bed, with me, Jonathen,Benjamin (my 7yo), and our dog and cat all in the bed at night.


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## tara (Jan 29, 2002)

Hey, ekblad... I don't feel judged by you in particular, and I know you've had your share of sleeping ups and downs...

Part of the reason this is so tough for me is that I'm not happy! How could I be happy about the kind of sleep we get? It _doesn't_ work for us! But, I'm pretty much out of options besides just waiting or CIO... So, it's easy for me to get frustrated with anyone who thinks that co-sleeping solves all sleep problems, or who belittles any of the things we've tried in our journey towards better sleep. It's easy for me to get frustrated with anyone who judges me for my choices around sleep... Sometimes I think I should just stop talking to people about sleep, or at least stop talking to anyone who hasn't slept like us. How can you truly relate to my experience if you haven't gone 16 months without a decent night's sleep (and my standard of decent is pretty low...)? How can you relate if you don't know what it's like to wake up 20 times a night for weeks on end? With no chance for a nap, with a needy babe, fighting illness... Blah blah blah, woe is me, wah wah whiney baby.

I think I will take a break from this forum. Starting now!


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## ekblad9 (Nov 21, 2001)

No sleep is the worst! You know they use it for torture in some countries. It tortures me! I'm so sorry you've had struggles! I'm sending good thoughts for better sleep resolutions!


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## nuggetsmom (Aug 7, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by tara_
*And, FWIW, I believe my kid *does* need a bedtime. When we stay out later or don't start our bedtime routine on time as planned we all pay for it. And my child would fight bedtime until next week if I never 'made' him go to sleep. Some kids do well without routine, some kids need more structure, some kids are born sleep-fighters. I consider not only my child's gentle heart but what is in his and our family's best interest, and sometimes that means I put him in pj's even though he struggles and I lie down and nurse him to sleep. Doesn't work every time, and those times perhaps I misread his cues.*
My DD totally needs an early bedtime. We experimented with putting her to bed later for a while because bedtime was a struggle, but she was a total pest to be around the whole time. Like some alien had invaded her body or something and she was always crying and fussing and didn't know what she wanted. And she woke up more often during the night if that was possible My happy singing cheerful girl came back when I reintroduced the bedtime struggle. In her own bed. When she wakes up she comes to mine. I can't fall asleep with someone that close to me unless I am still pretty much asleep.

DD is also not a great sleeper, and in fact started sleeping better when I did put her in her own bed. We stay very flexible so everyone gets as much sleep as possible and Oh awake bye


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## monkeysmommy (Apr 3, 2003)

My daughter needs to go to bed around 8, so I lie down with her until she is asleep, and then I get up. I used to put her in her crib for the first part of the night, but she always woke up every 45 minutes or so until I brought her into bed with me, and was very upset to find herself in her crib. She was resistant to bedtime, and also naps. I gave up on the crib completely. I know you are not supposed to leave a baby alone in an adult bed, but we have a very small apartment, and we just keep the bedroom door open so we always hear her if she starts moving around. Also, we have a bedrail. We are all *very* happy with this arrangement. We will continue to this until dd decides on her own that she is ready to sleep in her own bed. It has been 5 months since we stopped using the crib, and now dd asks to go "nigh-nigh" for bedtime, and also for naps. She now has pleasant associations with sleep, and doesn't mind being alone in our bed, because it is her "place". She might stir during the night, but she goes back to sleep on her own without any rocking or nursing. Most nights she sleeps for 11 hours straight. I know bedsharing isn't for everyone, but it really works for us!


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