# What name do you use for your daughters private parts?



## Triciastar (Apr 8, 2008)

This question has caused much discussion between me and DH as I don't think there is a normal and sensible word to use for a girl. Everything seems either silly/ridiculous or else too crude or technical. We've gone through as many as we can think of from front bum to fu and mary, etc The three we ended up with were tuppence, fanny or vagina, but none of them seem right. I would go with fanny as I think it's okay to use as it's a girls name, one I use myself, but I have been greeted with gasps of shock from people I've discussed it with, most of who think tuppence is the answer, but I think tuppence is kind of avoiding saying the proper name. When I grew up the only name my mum ever said was 'underneath'! Is there a universally acceptable name for it that I am somehow missing? Something my daughter can say that won't be greeted with either shock or laughter? It seems that most people can't talk about this part of a female body without getting embarrassed. Much easier for boys. What does anyone else use?


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## gracequinn (Jun 5, 2005)

vagina- vahjayjay- girl parts...why is it so hard to say vagina?

i say jyney, my daughter also says it, like hynie with a j

i use vagina too but most jynie

i knooow it is sooo silly...but i can't even remember how it started and it just has always stuck

just pick something that doesn't embarrass you, i know a lot of people who use yoni

i think using another girls name could confuse a babysitter or teacher especially if your daughter ends up with a friend by that name at somepoint


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## KikaKika (Jul 7, 2007)

You can make up a "code" word, if obvious one (vulva) is not ok for you to use...
A friend of mine uses "little fish" (in her language), and if her daughter is in the company of others, that is their code name.

However, be careful about this - it should not be an issue. Out attitude so easily transfers onto our children. If you show that there is a part of her body that she should be ashamed of (speaking in codes etc.), that can really influence her.

Best advice is to teach kids all the proper names, and act normal, there is no shame in being a girl or a boy (and all the smiliarities and differencies).









Here is a short but on the topic article:

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articl...ml/context/504

Take care!


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

We always used vulva because it is the outside part that you might see changing clothes.

Your vagina is hidden from view always..... only your lover or midwife would ever see it.


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## Onemagicmummy (Jul 27, 2007)

ew call DD's bits her Tushie i HATE fanny and FooFoo they give me the creeps so we call it a tushie. i will be naming the private parts correctaly as I get used to saying them.
i do call the boys bits Willy/Tinkie but am starting to say Penis. its getting over my own embaresment that needs work
Kiz


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## Triciastar (Apr 8, 2008)

Thanks for the answers and the link. I found a good article that kind of sums up how I feel about it at
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2005/mar/18/gender.uk

Still undecided though


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

We use yoni and vulva interchangeably, just like we use willy and penis interchangeably and testicles- actually, thinking about it testicles are always just testicles as far as my boys are concerned. Odd.


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## pajamajes (Feb 1, 2008)

OMG! Wait! So the vulva is the outside part and the vagina....I thought the vagina was the whole thing...an all encompassing term...omg...HOW HAS NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THIS! I feel extremely dumb. Oops, sorry. This isn't the topic at all. But thanks for posting this. I learned something, lol.


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## sdmomma (Jan 31, 2007)

I am curious to see what the rest of the responses will be, as I am still undecided as to what we should call DD's parts. Also, she is going through a phase of sticking her hands in her diaper (DD is 20 months), and I have been telling her "No, that's dirty." I don't think that it is the best response, but I haven't thought much about how I should rephrase that. I don't care if she explores during bath time and such, but I don't want to wash her hands every time she does it during the day.


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## ~bookcase~ (Apr 10, 2007)

We've used 'front bottom' and 'back bottom' mainly so far for girls.

Boys: willy, penis, testicles. It seems more straightforward with them - it is all out in the open and clear what does what.
We girls and ladies are more 'refined'. LOL.

My children know women also have a 'baby hole' where babies come out of, (but we haven't explored how they get in yet! Is there a thread on that!?!)
I guess vagina will be featuring in our everyday language pretty soon as we have babies on the way this year, they know about periods and so on....a proper description would be better now rather than an abstract baby hole!

I guess I feel some of the language is age appropriate to understanding, lots of parenting unfolds automatically as they get older and situations arise: if they get thrush/ wee infection then it is easy to question 'it's itchy here on your vulva/ in your vagina/ where your pee pee comes out'? etc...or 'did you get kicked in the testicles'?!?

I have a friend working in child protection who mentioned that it is good for them to be able to explain exactly how their body works/ where their parts are with names lest, God forbid, anyone interfered with them inappropriately, but I'm not convinced it needs to be dictionary definition.
'Tushie' might not be helpful, but most people are clear on what a 'Fanny' is.

sdmomma: I always just told them if you touch your bottom/ put your hands in your nappy you have to wash them - it's not unreasonable to learn that, as inconvenient as it might be, but what bit of parenting was ever convenient


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Found this article for teens about the vulva.

http://www.teenwire.com/infocus/2000....php?print=yes

Pretty well written.


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## Triciastar (Apr 8, 2008)

Final decision is yoni! It's a word I had heard but forgotten about and I feel comfy with it, just a shame it's a bit obscure.

Pajamajes - I thought the same until recently, lol, we are so uneducated about our bodies. Sdmomma, I would try not to react too much to your daughters exploration, it's just natural curiosity - I remember my Mum getting pretty stressed out and saying the same to me when I was little. I have yet to reach that stage with my DD but I hope I'll be more relaxed about it, have you tried the popper vests that fasten underneath? I heard someone saying that made their DD lose interest when there wasn't instant easy access!


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

I absolutely loathe the word yoni, it just sounds horrid to me. Sorry! I mean, wtf is a YONI? Why do we need pretend words to hide our embarrassment over our vaginas?

I call DD's privates her 'bits' or 'vulva/vagina' and those are the only words I feel comfortable using. Yoni, va-jay-jay, fanny, etc... all just give me the creeps. _*shudder*_


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I am moving this to parenting issues, since it's not unique to one geographical area.


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## katt (Nov 29, 2001)

we will be using Vulva and whatever other proper terms are needed depending on what is being talked about.

Right now it is just Penis and Teste.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

We use vulva for dd and penis/scrotum for ds. I don't see anything embarrassing about using the correct scientific terms. I do find it embarrassing to try to use cutesy or fake terms, though, unless it's meant in a joking way. ("Oh, man, you just hit Dadoo in the junk!") It just feels awkward. Even with the best of intentions, it conveys a sense of...I don't know. Shame? Avoidance? It makes a big deal out of something that shouldn't be a big deal. I've found that since we got comfortable with those terms and are very matter-of-fact about it, the kids are, too.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sdmomma* 
I am curious to see what the rest of the responses will be, as I am still undecided as to what we should call DD's parts. Also, she is going through a phase of sticking her hands in her diaper (DD is 20 months), and I have been telling her "No, that's dirty." I don't think that it is the best response, but I haven't thought much about how I should rephrase that. I don't care if she explores during bath time and such, but I don't want to wash her hands every time she does it during the day.

Please don't do that. Her parts are not 'dirty'.

OP, we call it 'vulva'. Because that's what it is. Sort of the way we call her elbow 'elbow' and her metatarsals 'metatarsals'. (Ok, that last part was a lie.)


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *earthmama369* 
We use vulva for dd and penis/scrotum for ds. I don't see anything embarrassing about using the correct scientific terms. I do find it embarrassing to try to use cutesy or fake terms, though, unless it's meant in a joking way. ("Oh, man, you just hit Dadoo in the junk!") It just feels awkward. Even with the best of intentions, it conveys a sense of...I don't know. Shame? Avoidance? It makes a big deal out of something that shouldn't be a big deal. I've found that since we got comfortable with those terms and are very matter-of-fact about it, the kids are, too.


Yes to this.

We used the slang terms in a joking/silly way, but we were always right up front and totally casual with the actual terms as well. My kids knew vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, and so on.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

We use vulva and vagina. Like many people, I have the sloppy habit of using "vagina" for the whole area, even though I know that's really only the birth canal. DD is picking that up from me, but is learning what's what, as well.

For boys...penis and scrotum, and occasionally testicles are all in use here. I'll admit we also use "balls" a lot, and ds1 usually says he's been sacked when ds2 nails him in the crotch.

We use "bits" as a general, non gender specific term. I don't generally like cutesy names, and I have to say that vah-jay-jay (or however it's spelled) grates on my last nerve.


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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 

Yes to this.

We used the slang terms in a joking/silly way, but we were always right up front and totally casual with the actual terms as well. My kids knew vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, and so on.

Same with us.

IMO there is no good reason to use euphemisms for body parts. Sexual offenders are often warded off by children who call their parts by their proper names, because it suggests that the child is also has no shame associated with those parts, and is probably able to clearly communicate to someone else that something happened to him.

Not all adults will understand a child if she says, "My yoni hurts", or "Someone poked me on my front parts", and _sexual predators know this._


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## jaye (Mar 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
I absolutely loathe the word yoni, it just sounds horrid to me. Sorry! I mean, wtf is a YONI? Why do we need pretend words to hide our embarrassment over our vaginas?


Well I don't use it but it's not a pretend word

_The word yoni (Sanskrit योिन yoni) is the Sanskrit word for "divine passage", "place of birth", "womb" (more as nature as a womb and cradle of all creations) or "sacred temple"_

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoni


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

We say vulva.


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## TefferTWH (May 13, 2008)

Ok, I have to post on this one because although I don't have a girl (yet!), my neighbor is seriously weirded out by proper terms and has funny made up ones for her daughter. She calls breasts chi-chis and her vulva her wookie. I swear I'm gonna get that kid a custom Star Wars t-shirt with a picture of Chewbacca on it that says something like "Keep your hands off my Wookie!"


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## Papooses (Dec 20, 2006)

We lived in a Women's Medical Institute. I led childbirth classes & Stepdaddy is an OBGYN. Kiddo learned more than most grown women on the Reservation knew by the time she entered PreK







She knows the difference between vulva, vagina, labia, clitoris, etc. as well penis & testicles. Anus, too, although she's still confused about Uranus







We also use Yoni (we liked drawing Yoni flowers during homeschool














However, she has also picked up on a never-ending list of nonsense words that family members & friends use. We're versatile. Hey, this way, if something ever happens & I'm not there, she'll know whatever private part language the other adult speaks so she can get the help she needs


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## library lady (Sep 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kamilla626* 
IMO there is no good reason to use euphemisms for body parts. Sexual offenders are often warded off by children who call their parts by their proper names, because it suggests that the child is also has no shame associated with those parts, and is probably able to clearly communicate to someone else that something happened to him.

Not all adults will understand a child if she says, "My yoni hurts", or "Someone poked me on my front parts", and _sexual predators know this._









:

I took a course once and predators have gotten away with stuff because parents and other adults had no idea that when a little girl said a guy touched her "euphemism" nobody realized that she had been sexually assaulted. (I don't remember what the word was but it was not a word that the average person would equate with vagina.) If you want a non-offesnive word, go with something like bottom or private parts so that everyone knows what you are talking about. I don't care if people know we are talking about our "private parts". If some jerk touches my daughters, I want them to be able to go to the nearest adult and be understood. Safety trumps other peoples sense of propriety.


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## senmom (Jan 12, 2007)

We use vagina, penis, balls (my son is 10) and hiney. Or butt cheeks, or chicken cheeks for the girls and turkey cheeks for ds when we are goofing off.


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

We use accurate names. Vulva, vagina, labia, etc. I can't imagine having to speak to a medical care provider if all I was comfortable with was silly names. The more you say words like vulva the easier it gets. At first I found it really difficult. Now I can sprinkle it into everyday conversation with ease.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I use proper names instead of slang.

I want my dd to know accurately what her body parts are because I didn't grow up knowing that at all. It is highly embarrassing to try to figure out what a vulva or labia are as an older teen/adult.
In 8 years I've never had to talk to my dd about her vulva or anus in front of other people socially. I can't imagine people being more embarrassed by those terms than some of the odd slang terms other people use. These are normal correct words. There should be no more shame in using them than saying elbow or leg.


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## attachedmamaof3 (Dec 2, 2006)

Vulva

Penis/scrotum/testicles


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## tsume (Jun 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
We always used vulva because it is the outside part that you might see changing clothes.

Your vagina is hidden from view always..... only your lover or midwife would ever see it.

I didn't know this until a couple of years ago. I started saying vagina (like pp's i thought vagina was all encompassing), learned I should have called it vulva and have corrected the term.

My almost 5 y/o DD prefers to call it vagina. If you try to correct her she gets this very 'duh' tone of voice and says, "I KNOW it's the bulba and the vagina is the HOLE but I like to call it vagina!"

She also knows what//where her labia and clitoris are.

DS is 6.5 and he calls his parts penis and ballts. He knows it's scrotum and testes and misheard balls as ballts and prefers ballts.


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## megviolet (Feb 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vancouver Mommy* 
Now I can sprinkle it into everyday conversation with ease.

I'm not sure why but this really made me laugh... lol... like how many times can you just find a place to interject vulva into the conversation









We use vulva and bum.. she says 'vuva' and 'bumbum'... although to her they are interchangeable and sometimes it's her leg or belly that she points to









if Dh and i are referring to her (like about a rash or something) we say her 'parts'.


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)




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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tsume* 
My almost 5 y/o DD prefers to call it vagina. If you try to correct her she gets this very 'duh' tone of voice and says, "I KNOW it's the bulba and the vagina is the HOLE but I like to call it vagina!"

I can _so_ picture dd saying this. I haven't really showed her where her clitoris is, because there's no reason for me to be touching it, and I can't figure out how to show her which part I'm talking about. She has heard the word, though. I think I was 13-14 before I knew what a clitoris was called, and my mom wasn't particularly shy about this stuff...she just did the thing where "vagina" was all she used.


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## cyndimo (Jul 20, 2005)

I'm another who only recently learned that there were actually separate names for different sub-parts







My mom used vagina an an all-encompasing name... and she was not shy - a LLL leader, early 70's earth-mother, labor and delivery nurse, etc!

I have a son, so the only part we've really named for him is penis. He has noticed that I don't have one, and I finally managed to tell him that women and girls have a vagina... So, now he says "C has penis, Joshua has penis, Sierra has 'gina, Mommy has 'gina"


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PoppyMama* 





Ahhh, so so good.


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## lasciate (May 4, 2005)

My daughter knows she has a vulva, and that's what she calls it. I don't like cutesy names for things so the proper names are what we use.


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
I absolutely loathe the word yoni, it just sounds horrid to me. Sorry! I mean, wtf is a YONI? Why do we need pretend words to hide our embarrassment over our vaginas?

I call DD's privates her 'bits' or 'vulva/vagina' and those are the only words I feel comfortable using. Yoni, va-jay-jay, fanny, etc... all just give me the creeps. _*shudder*_

Excuse me?????

Are you for real????

Yoni is a beautiful word.

Quote:

a stylized representation of the female genitalia that in Hinduism is a sign of generative power and that symbolizes the goddess Shakti
How is that "horrid" and how the heck is that "hid[ing] our embarrassment" about our vulvas and vaginas?

Why use crude medical terms for something which is so important to a woman. My DD's yoni will bring her womanhood, then it will bring her pleasure, and then children (if she chooses to have them).


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## elspethshimon (Nov 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kessed* 
Excuse me?????

Are you for real????

Yoni is a beautiful word.

How is that "horrid" and how the heck is that "hid[ing] our embarrassment" about our vulvas and vaginas?

Why use crude medical terms for something which is so important to a woman. My DD's yoni will bring her womanhood, then it will bring her pleasure, and then children (if she chooses to have them).


Yeah. That.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

We say vagina but my girls had a hard time with the word so it became gine- gine when they learned to say it so it stuck. So i say vagina and they say gine-gine still but they are still young.


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## Ann-Marita (Sep 20, 2003)

We use vulva, or genitals.

To me, saying vagina (the birth canal) when you really mean vulva (the visible, external female genitalia) is like saying "mouth" when you really mean "face".

No cutsie names here. Just like shoulder, elbow, ear don't require cutsie names.

Yoni is nice, but never caught on in our house.


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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
It's not a catch-call. It's a term for a very specific part. "Vulva" is the catch-all.

There aren't that many parts that they need to know. The stuff they can identify is pretty obvious..labia, vagina, urethra, clitoris.

Right. To say that "vagina" is a catch-all term for that area is like saying that "esophagus" is a catch-all term for the parts of a face.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kessed* 
I'd buy that if *2* definitions hadn't already been posted up thread...

It's entirely possible to miss that in a busy thread for a variety of reasons. You don't really think she was lying do you? Because this would be a really odd thing for someone to fib about, ya know?









I understand feeling the need to put out the correct info and definition, but I think your tone was a wee bit harsh and not really as helpful as something like "Thanks for clarifying and editing your post. It's just really important to me that the information here be correct so people aren't misinformed. Thanks again..."
or something similar. A little peace can do a lot.







:


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## Fi. (May 3, 2005)

Quote:

The foreskin? There's no need to pull back his foreskin during urination.
Not that it's on topic, but I think I mentioned it's his personal preference to slightly retract while urinating. Just enough so that you can barely see the meatus. I understand it's not necessary, but if he forgets to do it, he gets upset because I'm assuming he doesn't like the sensation. My ex was intact and also hated urinating without retracting /shrug


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## mia_jean (Jun 17, 2006)

library lady said:


> :
> 
> I took a course once and predators have gotten away with stuff because parents and other adults had no idea that when a little girl said a guy touched her "euphemism" nobody realized that she had been sexually assaulted. (I don't remember what the word was but it was not a word that the average person would equate with vagina.) If you want a non-offesnive word, go with something like bottom or private parts so that everyone knows what you are talking about. I don't care if people know we are talking about our "private parts". If some jerk touches my daughters, I want them to be able to go to the nearest adult and be understood. Safety trumps other peoples sense of propriety.[/QUOTE
> 
> I just thought these points should be brought up again. With the safety of our girls at risk there seems no reason not to use the 'correct' terms.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
It's not a catch-call. It's a term for a very specific part. "Vulva" is the catch-all.

There aren't that many parts that they need to know. The stuff they can identify is pretty obvious..labia, vagina, urethra, clitoris.

I agree. I don't see what is wrong with a young girl knowing he names for her body parts- vulva, vagina, clitoris, urethra, labia, perineum, etc. My 4 yo has known the names for at least a year or so now.

I can see using a pet name, but I still think girls need to know the actual names of their body parts.


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## goodheartedmama (Feb 1, 2007)

It's harder than penis, well because there's more to it than just one thing. We refer to it as vulva/vagina, what ever is necessary.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i like this post. it is something i have wondered about even though ds is onlly 4 mos. when i was younger we used private parts or croch mostly but i knew the real words to. i'm still trying to convince dp to use penis and testicles with our son atleast at first. he seems to be more comfortable with the more eh... crude terms (not something i want my LO saying







)

oo btw people had mentioned knowing the real names for parts.. and i have a feeling most people here teach their LOs the real words before this would come up, but just in case... one of my best friends in highschool (i'm only 20 so this wasnt long ago) was reading something out loud during philisophy class something about sex and it talked about the clitoris. she looked up and said "whats a clitoris" it was our senior year needless to say it was one of her more embarrasing highschool moments. turns out she had never heard the word until h/s and then only the slang, she thought it was a click


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Onemagicmummy* 
its getting over my own embaresment that needs work

That's my problem.







We just say "butt" or "yourself/myself". It's just my daughter and I right now, so I'm kind of following her lead on gender. I ask her periodically how she knows who are boys and who are girls. Her most recent answer? "Their eyes. I have girl eyes, and boys have boy eyes."


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

We say vulva, mostly. I don't like the term yoni. It's never been a part of my culture, but I understand what it means and that people really like it, and I have no problem with that.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Azuralea* 
As for yoni, I know it is commonly used term but Sanskrit is not my native tongue and using the term does not feel right to me.

Exactly. Sure, yoni has a lovely meaning but I don't use words from other languages and cultures to describe my body parts. I'm not a Sanscrit speaker, not to mention I know nothing of Sanscrit or the religion associated with it. It feels disrespectful to appropriate another culture's term like that.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
It's not a catch-call. It's a term for a very specific part. "Vulva" is the catch-all.

There aren't that many parts that they need to know. The stuff they can identify is pretty obvious..labia, vagina, urethra, clitoris.









, don't rightly care if it's the most correct term or not. I don't feel the need to teach my 6 year old her labia versus her vulva. So should the vagina monologue's rename their show the vulva, clitoris, labia, and vagina monologue's (maybe VCLV for short) since technically speaking there's more than just the vagina involved? So it is a common catch all rather it is correct or not. When she is older she can learn all the correct terms, guess I'm just not PC enough, no worries on my end about it.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Exactly. Sure, yoni has a lovely meaning but I don't use words from other languages and cultures to describe my body parts. I'm not a Sanscrit speaker, not to mention I know nothing of Sanscrit or the religion associated with it. It feels disrespectful to appropriate another culture's term like that.


Right. I mean I don't refer to my eyes, legs, or knees in Sanskrit either. And being a student of Buddhism I am at least a super tiny bit familiar with Sanskrit, Pali, etc and I still feel a little twitchy using the words.

I've got no problem with people using yoni or teaching it to their kids, but knowing that others call it vulva and vagina might be useful info too. I dunno. Whatever works.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

To those so hung up about the dreaded V word( wow feeling old school MDC there for a minute) do you also refer to every other part of your body in the correct term? So you say your esophagus is hurting, or you bruised your scapula, right? You call it a coccyx versus your tail bone? Just curious. Yes, I know the correct terms, i've been to nursing school(didn't finish I admit) and I still don't feel the need but if you refer to everything in the correct term then I guess it makes sense for you to.


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## Jwebbal (May 31, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fi.* 
Vagina. She's 6, she can learn the breakdown of it later when she's actually curious. My son knows he has his penis and his "skin" (ie. "pull your skin back when you pee" [he prefers it that way but he needs a reminder sometimes, we arent forcing of course]). Again, when he's older we'll get more specific.

My son knew this stuff at the age of 2, he knows all the words for girl and boy parts.

Quote:

I have a friend working in child protection who mentioned that it is good for them to be able to explain exactly how their body works/ where their parts are with names lest, God forbid, anyone interfered with them inappropriately, but I'm not convinced it needs to be dictionary definition.
Yep, a little girl was molested and said the man touched her "pocketbook", the guy wasn't prosecuted because the DA couldn't make a case.

I say use the proper names, use them often and very early so we and our children get used to hearing them. There is no reason for discomfort.

Oh, and I learned about using the word vulva instead of vagina when talking about what you see outside a long time ago, and really prefer the word. Vagina is used when it's appropriate. My son knows his own parts as penis, testicles, testes, scrotum, anus and even perineum.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jwebbal* 
Yep, a little girl was molested and said the man touched her "pocketbook", the guy wasn't prosecuted because the DA couldn't make a case.
.

They had another reason for not making a case. Pocketbook is actually a pretty common term in some areas and is what I was taught I chose not to teach it for other reasons. My friend had to tell officers about someone touching her "pocketbook" and he was arrested and prosecuted. Her "vulva" was never mentioned actually she was given pictures and a model to show what had happened.


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## MamaJizo (Oct 13, 2007)

I use vulva to describe what you see outside. I think we owe it to our children to give them correct language because there is power in being able to say exactly what you mean. This doesn't take away your choice to use other names additionally, but your child will actually know the real word when she needs it. I was raised with made-up names and I felt unable to speak about my sexual self for a long time.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:

Why use crude medical terms for something which is so important to a woman. My DD's yoni will bring her womanhood, then it will bring her pleasure, and then children (if she chooses to have them).
Kessed: in an attempt to explain your offense at the misunderstood "Yoni" (which was very informative) you offend others who choose to use words like vulva, vagina etc. These aren't crude words but empowering, shame-free, knowledge-full words.

Quote:

To those so hung up about the dreaded V word( wow feeling old school MDC there for a minute) do you also refer to every other part of your body in the correct term? So you say your esophagus is hurting, or you bruised your scapula, right? You call it a coccyx versus your tail bone? Just curious. Yes, I know the correct terms, i've been to nursing school(didn't finish I admit) and I still don't feel the need but if you refer to everything in the correct term then I guess it makes sense for you to.
Jeca: this would make sense except that the esophagus, scapula and coccyx have never had the shame and fear associated with them that female's genitalia have. I mean there aren't that many pet words for shoulder or throat or tailbone, but for some reason people over the ages have refused to name or have come up with a multitude of pet names for vagina and vulva like there IS something to hide or feel shame about.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaJizo* 
I use vulva to describe what you see outside. I think we owe it to our children to give them correct language because there is power in being able to say exactly what you mean. This doesn't take away your choice to use other names additionally, but your child will actually know the real word when she needs it. I was raised with made-up names and I felt unable to speak about my sexual self for a long time.

That's sad







I grew up with made up names too and have never had any problems with sexual self so I think personality comes a lot into play. I agree that girls should know the real names when they need it. I fully intend to do that but not at five and six.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumster* 
Jeca: this would make sense except that the esophagus, scapula and coccyx have never had the shame and fear associated with them that female's genitalia have. I mean there aren't that many pet words for shoulder or throat or tailbone, but for some reason people over the ages have refused to name or have come up with a multitude of pet names for vagina and vulva like there IS something to hide or feel shame about.

That's true and understandable.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:

I agree that girls should know the real names when they need it. I fully intend to do that but not at five and six.
I'm curious to know what holds you back from using vulva or vagina at this point with your dd.


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## Azuralea (Jan 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 
To those so hung up about the dreaded V word( wow feeling old school MDC there for a minute) do you also refer to every other part of your body in the correct term? So you say your esophagus is hurting, or you bruised your scapula, right? You call it a coccyx versus your tail bone? Just curious. Yes, I know the correct terms, i've been to nursing school(didn't finish I admit) and I still don't feel the need but if you refer to everything in the correct term then I guess it makes sense for you to.

I do use the term coccyx, because I broke mine once and boy do I know exactly where that is. Sometimes I use esophagus, sometimes throat. Not scapula, though.

Even if I didn't use those terms, though, I strongly agree with this:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumster* 
Jeca: this would make sense except that the esophagus, scapula and coccyx have never had the shame and fear associated with them that female's genitalia have. I mean there aren't that many pet words for shoulder or throat or tailbone, but for some reason people over the ages have refused to name or have come up with a multitude of pet names for vagina and vulva like there IS something to hide or feel shame about.

Using the correct terms feels empowering to me, and I feel teaching my son the correct terms teaches him respect for women.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumster* 
Kessed: in an attempt to explain your offense at the misunderstood "Yoni" (which was very informative) you offend others who choose to use words like vulva, vagina etc. These aren't crude words but empowering, shame-free, knowledge-full words.









I agree. I find them lovely and empowering words. I fail to see what is "crude" about them at all. Considering the correct terms in our native language "crude" seems just like finding the correct terms "shameful" to me.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumster* 
I'm curious to know what holds you back from using vulva or vagina at this point with your dd.

Because of the way my girls are. I think the complexity of all the different names and their meanings and functions( I will have to explain EVERYTHING I will have to that's how they are). Basically it will involve lots of details, questions and visuals so I would just like to put it off a few years. I'm not talking teen years just to a better comprehensive stage.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:

Because of the way my girls are. I think the complexity of all the different names and their meanings and functions( I will have to explain EVERYTHING I will have to that's how they are). Basically it will involve lots of details, questions and visuals so I would just like to put it off a few years. I'm not talking teen years just to a better comprehensive stage.
Thanks Jeca- I appreciate the explanation.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumster* 
Thanks Jeca- I appreciate the explanation.

I do use the word vagina, that's the word they know just not anything else. I never thought twice about using it as a "catch all" though until this thread but I'm still sticking to it.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jaye* 
Well I don't use it but it's not a pretend word

_The word yoni (Sanskrit योिन yoni) is the Sanskrit word for "divine passage", "place of birth", "womb" (more as nature as a womb and cradle of all creations) or "sacred temple"_

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoni

Ah, see, I had no idea it was a real word. I don't speak Sanskrit and wasn't aware that so many people did, hence their use of 'yoni'.

I still don't like it though because it's a euphemism when you're speaking in English.

ETA: and also, I don't feel comfortable appropriating other languages as and when I see fit, just because I like the word, when there is a perfectly acceptable word in my own language, particularly for body parts.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

Vagina. VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA!!
what is wrong with the normal part?? What is soo wrong with saying vagina? I think it's wrong to call your child's private parts a nickname.
Do you have a nickname for you elbow? your knees? no. so why should vangina be any different?


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## graceomalley (Dec 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ann-Marita* 
We use vulva, or genitals.

To me, saying vagina (the birth canal) when you really mean vulva (the visible, external female genitalia) is like saying "mouth" when you really mean "face".

Exactly.

Yoni is technically incorrect (as is vagina) since it refers to the internal part of a woman's genitals (womb, birth passage). Plus we don't use any other Sanskrit words in our house. And I think it's an unattractive word







. It doesn't appeal to my ears (this is the same for lots of words in other languages).

So it's vulva, genitals or 'privates' if they're in public and don't want to use more explicit terms. The boys use penis, testes and foreskin very happily.

The point about lower incidences of sexual abuse in children who use the correct terms is a very good one - I knew about the link years before having children and it was a factor in our decision to use the anatomical terms.


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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OhDang* 
Vagina. VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA!!
what is wrong with the normal part?? What is soo wrong with saying vagina? I think it's wrong to call your child's private parts a nickname.
Do you have a nickname for you elbow? your knees? no. so why should vangina be any different?

Saying is vagina is wrong if what you're referring to are the parts that you and your child can see. The vagina is an internal part of the body.


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## RubyWild (Apr 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
We always used vulva because it is the outside part that you might see changing clothes.

Your vagina is hidden from view always..... only your lover or midwife would ever see it.

Yes, when people refer to a woman's vagina in reference to the _vulva_, it makes me think they don't know the anatomy very well. It's like saying _penis_ and meaning _scrotum, testes, vas deferens,_ etc. It's like saying _hand_ when you mean the whole _arm[/I._


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

I guess I'm confused as to why someone would CONTINUE to use the wrong word when they've found out the word does not mean what the think it means. Why not just correct your mistake to your children?


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Exactly. Sure, yoni has a lovely meaning but I don't use words from other languages and cultures to describe my body parts. I'm not a Sanscrit speaker, not to mention I know nothing of Sanscrit or the religion associated with it. It feels disrespectful to appropriate another culture's term like that.

English has MANY words in it borrowed directly from other languages. Most houses have a "foyer" which is a French word. French being the most common language to borrow words from. "Coup D'Etat" Even the roots for the name of my country were borrowed from another language. But there are many other places we have taken words from "Algebra" is from Arabic. Here's a neat site which has many English words organized by their origins: http://www.krysstal.com/borrow.html

Maybe there is a different attitude in the US than there is in Canada - but here there is no 'disrespect' for taking and properly using a word from a different language or culture. But, then again, we still pronounce "Foyer" and "Foy-eh!" not "Foy-errrrr"... (Huge pet peeve from American TV)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OhDang* 
Vagina. VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA!!
what is wrong with the normal part?? What is soo wrong with saying vagina? I think it's wrong to call your child's private parts a nickname.
Do you have a nickname for you elbow? your knees? no. so why should vangina be any different?

Well... Vagina is wrong in that case.


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## Pancakes (Jan 22, 2008)

ok, I haven't read every response, but I did read a few.

My kids know the correct names for all of their parts. DD especially as the sex talk came about during the time I was taking Anatomy in college. LOL Most of the time when we are having a conversation between the child and myself ABOUT whatever part, we use the correct names. When we are having a conversation about something else and reference said parts OR if we are in the company of others, we use girl/boy parts as the phrase. I hope that makes sense.

We are very open as a family, we can talk about any body part or any bodily function openly without discomfort, but I do know that some people do get a bit squirmy when you use certain words. This is why we say 'girl parts' when we are around others. We know what we are talking about, but it doesn't make other people feel uncomfortable. LOL, not that we frequently have 'girl/boy part' conversations in front of company.

"Can you pass the potatoes? BTW, how are your girl parts today?"


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## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

We say vagina b/c it was what we talked about with DS when I was pregnant with DD (and it was the correct terminology) and it has stuck. I use yoni now with DD - I like that it conveys a multitude of levels of meaning about that area.

I dislike cutsie names and for DS, we use the proper names, penis, foreskin, scrotum, etc.

I guess maybe when DD is older we'll talk about the medical terminology, but for now, I actually like yoni a lot.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I guess I'm confused as to why someone would CONTINUE to use the wrong word when they've found out the word does not mean what the think it means. Why not just correct your mistake to your children?

Yes. This thread made me realize that I've been telling my son vagina, and that is simply not correct. It's funny, I know my anatomy, I just didn't think to say labia or vulva.









But I certainly will now.


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## jaye (Mar 14, 2002)

I taught my kids vulva - but I gotta say - it's definitely not the norm out there even among people who don't use pet names. My boy went through a stage at his co-op preschool where he would ask people (adults) if they had a vulva or a penis. Even at this hippie California school, the adults were a little taken aback by the word vulva coming from a 3 yr old.







They almost all used vagina.

I still tell them vulva but I tell them lots of people call it a vagina.







Confusing for little kids but I want them to know. They are also aware of lots of pet names - we have some old family names that were derived from Portuguese







that we use occasionally at home.


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

Vulva and bum/butt/bottom


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I don't use yoni myself, but I'm amused that so many object to it because they don't speak Sanskrit. Vagina and vulva aren't exactly "English" words, either - they're Latin. But there seems to be no problem using those, even if one doesn't speak Latin. It's kind of funny.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I guess I'm confused as to why someone would CONTINUE to use the wrong word when they've found out the word does not mean what the think it means. Why not just correct your mistake to your children?

Yes, I feel this way too!

And yes, when folks don't use the right word, I doubt their intelligence.


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## raleigh_mom (Jan 11, 2004)

Vulva. Tushie or bottom. Anus. Penis. Testicles. Those are the words we use.

However, last week one of my younger dd's was wrestling with an older brother, and when her knee hit him he yelled, "ugh! You kneed me in my..... um." And he laughed when I filled it in with "vulnerable spot?". So now he keeps calling it his "vulnerable spot".


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## zoshamosha (Apr 15, 2006)

For the vagina, as in the hole, canal, etc... we say vagina. DD is very amused by her vagina, so it's something that comes up often.

For the vulva area, urethral opening, clitoris, etc...I call it a "pee-pee." I know it's stupid, but since it's where pee pee comes out, it just somehow makes sense to her. I started calling it that when I thought that DD might have had a UTI-- I asked her if her "pee-pee" hurt, it was the only thing that made sense at the time and I still use it.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kessed* 
English has MANY words in it borrowed directly from other languages. Most houses have a "foyer" which is a French word. French being the most common language to borrow words from. "Coup D'Etat" But there are many other places we have taken words from "Algebra" is from Arabic.

Yes, of course English has a multitude of words "borrowed" from other languages, or which naturally evolved over contact with other languages. But "algebra" etc. is now a commonly recognized English word. It's not as if the vast majority of English speakers refer to that variety of mathematics by some other name, while only a few "crunchy" types choose to call it "algebra."

At this point in the development of English, "yoni" is simply not the accepted term for any portion of the female anatomy. It's a term that a very, very small minority of people use. The average person in the USA would have no idea of its meaning.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
I don't use yoni myself, but I'm amused that so many object to it because they don't speak Sanskrit. Vagina and vulva aren't exactly "English" words, either - they're Latin. But there seems to be no problem using those, even if one doesn't speak Latin. It's kind of funny.

Yes, of course vagina and vulva are Latin terms. Because that is the standard way to refer to them in a medical/professional sense. And has been for centuries, because of the history of Latin being associated with higher learning. That is our tradition as English speakers. Except for the Latin terms, we have no others for this part of the body. So of course we use them, even if we don't speak Latin. But English speakers have no tradition of using Sanscrit terms for this. Not at all. That's why it just seems odd to me.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
I don't use yoni myself, but I'm amused that so many object to it because they don't speak Sanskrit. Vagina and vulva aren't exactly "English" words, either - they're Latin. But there seems to be no problem using those, even if one doesn't speak Latin. It's kind of funny.

My husband was reading over my shoulder and he had the same comment.









We're going to be a boring/technical sort of family here. Vulva/vagina/clitoris/labia


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Okay, I guess I'll be a little more blunt. There is a level of "snootiness" that comes across from those who use "proper" terms that really comes off as looking down on those who use alternate descriptions - be it yoni (although the yoni tribe seems to be a bit on that same precipice), the dreaded and incorrect vagina, Hoo Ha, va jay jay or whatever else certain families call these parts.

I started reading the thread as I thought it would be both interesting and amusing to read what others called these parts. I was pretty shocked at the level of haughtiness.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

wow i have never heard the word yoni before... is that uncommon? it seems like most people have. it has a beautiful meaning though. can someone clarify for me im not trying to sound ignorant i just want to understand .. does yoni refer to one specific part of the gentalia or and overall term?

yoni definately isnt a euphamism and it is comepltely acceptable to use words from other languages considering we do it everyday. and yes i understand that the vulva, vagina, etc are not english per se (but then what is) however they are considered the correct english words... they are the words that are taught in school, used by doctors, and understood by most people who speak english. I think for me there would be a couple of things to consider. first of all is sanskrit a language that is used in our house in refernce to other things? if it is then i wouldnt hesitate to use it.. actually it would totally make sense. but if it is not i guess i would be worried that she would wonder why we use this word from a different language for her body parts but do not use words from other languages to describe any other body parts. i suppose i would just be sure i would be prepared to expain when asked "if vagina, vulva, labia etc. are good words why do i say yoni? is it like my friend jane who calles her yoni a <insert cutesy term> and if it is different how is it different? and a slew of other questions related to that.


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## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

vulva- it was wierd at first(for me) but dd is totally comfortable with the word and I have grown comfortable with it.


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

They know the correct words but we call them private parts


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Okay, I guess I'll be a little more blunt. There is a level of "snootiness" that comes across from those who use "proper" terms that really comes off as looking down on those who use alternate descriptions - be it yoni (although the yoni tribe seems to be a bit on that same precipice), the dreaded and incorrect vagina, Hoo Ha, va jay jay or whatever else certain families call these parts.

I started reading the thread as I thought it would be both interesting and amusing to read what others called these parts. I was pretty shocked at the level of haughtiness.

I certainly hope I don't come across as "haughty." Honestly, what I feel about those who use alternative terms is more on the "befuddled" spectrum. I just don't understand why anyone would choose to make up a word, or use a made up word, or use a word from another language, when a word in the language we speak exists already.

To me, telling a girl to call her vulva a yoni is just as mystifying as teaching her to call her elbow a "kuurpara" (the Sanskrit word). It makes as much sense as referring to her nose as her "noo-noo." Why do that? What purpose does it serve?


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

We say Vulva, sometimes vagina. This is new for us as we have two boys and a newborn daughter. The boys have already been asking what is up with their sister down there. Where the heck did her penis go anyway??

I would skip all the fancy words and just tell her like it is. Yoni is like nails on a chalkboard to me.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I certainly hope I don't come across as "haughty." Honestly, what I feel about those who use alternative terms is more on the "befuddled" spectrum. I just don't understand why anyone would choose to make up a word, or use a made up word, or use a word from another language, when a word in the language we speak exists already.

To me, telling a girl to call her vulva a yoni is just as mystifying as teaching her to call her elbow a "kuurpara" (the Sanskrit word). It makes as much sense as referring to her nose as her "noo-noo." Why do that? What purpose does it serve?

Word.


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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
Word.

Word x 2.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
Please don't do that. Her parts are not 'dirty'.

No, but her diaper may be. Perhaps a better solution to this would be "Don't touch, that's a dirty diaper" or something along those lines.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 
I will continue with vagina. I don't see me needing to teach a 5 and 6 year old every single part of their "girly" area any time soon. Vagina is a catch all and I'm okay with that.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
Exactly, it ISN'T a catch-all. It's kind of like referring to the testicles as the "penis." If the difference between testes/scrotum and penis isn't too complicated for a boy, I don't see why vulva/vagina/clitoris is too hard for a girl.

The difference for me is that my son specifically asked me "What are these?" in reference to his testicles, whereas my little girl has yet to request a clarification of different parts of her anatomy. Right now, it's a "pee-pee" (yes, it's crude, and she's two and can probably manage to say "vagina," but there's other issues I am concentrating on at the moment) and as she gets older, we will undoubtedly begin calling it a vagina, but until she gets to the point of being curious about the different areas down there, I am not inclined to confuse the issue with half a dozen different terms.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Okay, I guess I'll be a little more blunt. There is a level of "snootiness" that comes across from those who use "proper" terms that really comes off as looking down on those who use alternate descriptions - be it yoni (although the yoni tribe seems to be a bit on that same precipice), the dreaded and incorrect vagina, Hoo Ha, va jay jay or whatever else certain families call these parts.

I started reading the thread as I thought it would be both interesting and amusing to read what others called these parts. I was pretty shocked at the level of haughtiness.

I feel that way, too. I really think this is a personal choice, and that the important thing is to teach your daughter self-respect as well as general respect for the human body. Whether we choose to use the word "yoni" or the word "vagina" or the more specific words "vulva," "clitoris," "labia," etc., the important thing is to instill in your little girl a feeling of acceptance for her own anatomy and confidence that if she is treated inappropriately, she can express this in words that are comfortable for her and understood by the trusted adult she is confiding in. (Does that make any sense?)

The bottom line is that language is adaptable and we should not feel as though we are doing something wrong or potentially harmful to our child by teaching them certain words to describe their bodies. No matter where you go or who you talk to, there's going to be someone who doesn't agree with what you've decided.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I certainly hope I don't come across as "haughty." Honestly, what I feel about those who use alternative terms is more on the "befuddled" spectrum. I just don't understand why anyone would choose to make up a word, or use a made up word, or use a word from another language, when a word in the language we speak exists already.

To me, telling a girl to call her vulva a yoni is just as mystifying as teaching her to call her elbow a "kuurpara" (the Sanskrit word). It makes as much sense as referring to her nose as her "noo-noo." Why do that? What purpose does it serve?

Not necessarily you. I was just as stunned by the "thou shalt call it yoni" crowd. What we call our parts seems to be a very cultural phenomenon. What may seem odd where I live is the norm where someone else does.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kamilla626* 
Saying is vagina is wrong if what you're referring to are the parts that you and your child can see. The vagina is an internal part of the body.

You know what i mean.

At least I am not calling it a made up name that makes the child think there is something to hide. geeze.


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## Theia (Oct 30, 2007)

I thought this would be one of those threads that show how creative we can all be......









Right now my 3MO DD has 'girl bits'. When she is older I will tell her that she can choose to call her 'girl bits' a yoni or a vagina. I am partial to yoni myself because to me vagina has never had a pleasant sound to it (probably goes back to those horrible B&W sex ed films in High School), the word itself is harsh sounding to me...... and vulva..... yuck. I know that these are the scientific words, but they sound so masculine and not appropriate for something as amazing and beautiful as our 'girl bits'. Yoni sounds much more pleasant and feminine to me. I am giving DD the choice between yoni and vagina because it is appropriate, she has an american mother and indian (asian type) father. But even if her father wasn't indian, I would still use that word because it just works better for me. JMHO


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## raleigh_mom (Jan 11, 2004)

For our family, using the correct medical terms is based in a few things:

1) Children who know the correct terms are supposedly less likely to be abused. (per "Protecting the Gift")

2) I was once admitted to the hospital for severe (and I do mean SEVERE) abdominal pain. The next morning the Dr actually discharged me and said "It seems to have been a 'female problem' and you should be fine." I was still in so much pain that I didn't have the energy to argue. I went to my OB/GYN and it turned out to be an ovarian cyst. I couldn't believe an actual doctor couldn't bring himself to use correct terminology. I swore I'd never behave that way.

3) Do you actually say "yoni" and "girl bits" to your Dr? If so, hey, that's fine







, but I don't think I would be comfortable not using the medical terms with my own Dr. My kids should be able to do the same and should be able to discuss anything with me or their doctor in exact terms - not just say there's a problem "down there".


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peace_laughing* 
I thought this would be one of those threads that show how creative we can all be......









Well, that's the thing that is confusing some people. Why should we have to be creative about nicknaming our genitals? I think that's what the gist of this discussion is.

Quote:

I am partial to yoni myself because to me vagina has never had a pleasant sound to it (probably goes back to those horrible B&W sex ed films in High School), the word itself is harsh sounding to me...... and vulva..... yuck. I know that these are the scientific words, but they sound so masculine and not appropriate for something as amazing and beautiful as our 'girl bits'. Yoni sounds much more pleasant and feminine to me.
Okay, and that's fine. We all have different opinions and perceptions and gut feelings about words and ideas. But I would ask WHY you feel that yoni sounds more 'pleasant' than vagina/vulva. Is it because you didn't grow up thinking yoni was a word to be embarrassed/ashamed/amused by because it's not a word used in the English language? It seems to me that thinking vagina and vulva sound 'yucky' and 'masculine' (??) is a result of how our prudish society conditions girls from a young age to be very secretive and ashamed of their sexuality and biology, even if it is in such a subtle manner that we _know_ what they're called but think other (even foreign) words sound nicer and are more appropriate for some reason. I still think it comes back to shame a lot of times (not necessarily in your case, just commenting on some people's motives).


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

I know a guy named Yoni. (Short for Yonatan, Hebrew for Jonathan.) Therefore I will *never* be able to use the word in its Sanskrit capacity without doubling over laughing. Because that guy is kind of the opposite of feminine essence.

Why is it "snooty" to use the correct term for a part of the body? Or is it not the usage of said, but the attitude toward others, that bothers you?


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

It is funny because vulva sounds beautiful and feminine to me and Yoni sounds masculine.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_lissa* 
It is funny because vulva sounds beautiful and feminine to me and Yoni sounds masculine.

Yoni just makes me think 'rice-a-roni' or 'yeti.' Neither of which I want my awesome vagina to be associated with.


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## elspethshimon (Nov 23, 2007)

I will likely teach my possible/future daughter vulva, vagina, labia, etc. when she's younger and just needs words. Later, I will tell her about yoni, as more of a cultural lesson than an anatomy one.

That said, I often do refer to certain body parts in Spanish (esp. manos, pies, ojos). I'm not sure why I do it.


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## elspethshimon (Nov 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
Yoni just makes me think 'rice-a-roni' or 'yeti.' Neither of which I want my awesome vagina to be associated with.









My partner claims to be part Yeti and my awesome vagina has already been associated with him.


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## l_olive (Jan 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
I really think this is a personal choice, and that the important thing is to teach your daughter self-respect as well as general respect for the human body.

I agree that the goal is to teach self-respect and respect for the human body. But I think that's hard to do if the parent is referring to the body parts as a hoo-ha or va-jay-jay, or as my mother did, a nubby. What I learned from my mother wasn't respect for the human body, but that my genitalia were so shameful they weren't to be named.


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## elspethshimon (Nov 23, 2007)

Somewhat amusing and related story.

I was walking my dog when we met a three year old and his mum. My dog got on his back and was wiggling and rolling. The little boy pointed and say, "doggie's pee pee." Then he looked up and said, "Mama, doggie's penis."

I wondered which one he learned first, but I didn't ask.


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## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

We've always used "vulva", and as she's gotten older, we've discussed the various parts. She's confused about the clitoris and urethra, and knows the vagina is where the mom's baby comes out, and that she has one too.
We use all the technical terms for the boys too. Though at this point it's confined to the visible "penis" and "scrotum".
I think part of our problem using the latin words, is they were always something "dirty". I never heard anything more specific than "down there" except for the mortifying hour in health class as a kid. Yoni was a word I learned from the Kama Sutra. It sounds exotic and more liberated, and atleast to me, brings to mind esoteric religions and ancient sensual cultures.
But if we're to have any hope of reclaiming our culture from the sexual and religious oppression of past generations, I think we ALL need to be comfortable using our own language for bodies....even if we do give our "parts" pet names.


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## ~bookcase~ (Apr 10, 2007)

It's amazing the cultural variations, how different terms can be used to mean different things in different areas.....quite a few I've never heard of or heard in a crude way which doesn't begin to do justice to what we are really talking about.

maybe that is the best reason to teach at least one medically verifying term, even if it is used to encompass the whole area slightly incorrectly; it's going to be more universally identifying than coloquial terms and leave us with a kind of congruence that we have embraced ours and their womanhood in a respectful way....then the family terms are down to individuals.

In terms of child protection again, since most sexual abuse goes on in the home, Daddy's relationship with ie: 'little flower', is potentially devastating. Sickening to even be aware of this possibility, but vital to real parenting. Someone mentioned 'Protecting the Gift' and I'd second that book for anyone who has never considered abuse issues.


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## Theia (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *raleigh_mom* 

3) Do you actually say "yoni" and "girl bits" to your Dr? If so, hey, that's fine







, but I don't think I would be comfortable not using the medical terms with my own Dr. My kids should be able to do the same and should be able to discuss anything with me or their doctor in exact terms - not just say there's a problem "down there".

The answer is yes for me. DD will know all of the appropriate terms in both languages because it would be careless to teach only the english terms to a child that will spend much time in another country that doesn't speak english primarily. If DD chooses to use primarily non-english terms for her genitals, then when she see's an english speaking doctor s/he will be informed of this preference as well. If said doctor is uncomfortable or not accepting of DDs expression of her own diversity, then we will move on to another DR who is. Why should that be an issue? Besides I am sure I wouldn't be alone here in saying that I would much prefer an ayurvedic doctor over a modern western doctor.

Sorry if it is offensive or otherwise deemed irresponsible that I use the words 'girl bits' to describe my pre-verbal DDs genitals. So much judgment, and so much of it is based on fear-mongering! "If you don't do this, then this will/could/might/is going to happen. Look what happened there/then that my friends second cousins uncles mother-in-laws father sent me a link about!" Geez







We would do well to realize that we all have opinions and most of us aren't going to change our opinions unless we are looking for a reason to do so.

I can speak and write in sanskrit, and am learning hindi terms with DD, hopefully I am qualified and not doing a disservice to the languages by appropriating them into my life as a non-native of India. Not that I am a native of Rome either, and I have been using the latin terms most of my life.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
Why is it "snooty" to use the correct term for a part of the body? Or is it not the usage of said, but the attitude toward others, that bothers you?

The usage. It reads as "OMG! You call it THAT? OMG! How could you call it THAT? That's, like.... eeewwww... just _wrong_."

Like I said before, a lot of it is cultural.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

My parents used "vagina" as a term for the female genital area. When I was 3 or 4 and looking at myself in the bathtub, my mother told me the correct name of each specific part. Thus, I was able to explain that I had a chigger bite on my labia (














or whatever, but in general we said "vagina". I don't see a big problem with that.

Those of you who are sticklers for "vagina" referring only to the internal organ: *Ever complained of a "stomachache"? Ever lie down on your "stomach"?* Don't you know the stomach is a specific internal organ?!


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
I really think this is a personal choice, and that the important thing is to teach your daughter self-respect as well as general respect for the human body.

I agree that the overall goal is to teach self-respect.

But what I still don't get is why the words we use for genitalia should be considered a personal choice. Wouldn't we think it downright bizarre if a family regularly referred to their arms as "marmas" and taught their kids to use that term? If they said, "It's our personal choice to call them "marmas." Because we don't like the sound of the word "arm."

I mean, what is the difference here? What purpose is served by avoiding proper terms?

I also find it disengenuous for someone choosing another word to claim that the proper terms "sound unpleasant." Why does this only come up in reference to genitalia? The word "scalp" has never sounded very melodious to me. But am I going to start calling the top of my head a "scalonia" instead? Just because I can?


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *raleigh_mom* 

3) Do you actually say "yoni" and "girl bits" to your Dr? If so, hey, that's fine







, but I don't think I would be comfortable not using the medical terms with my own Dr. My kids should be able to do the same and should be able to discuss anything with me or their doctor in exact terms - not just say there's a problem "down there".

No - I call them by their medical terms when in a medical context.

I will ALSO teach my child the medical names. I'd just rather be able to tell her that, in our culture, we only touch our yonis in private.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

in our house, we use vulva, penis, testicles, anus, breast, nipple.

The collective terms (whcih are also code if we are in public) are privates or bits.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
wow i have never heard the word yoni before... is that uncommon? it seems like most people have.

You are _obviously_ not reading the correct bad romance novels.







That's how I learned the word.


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## salmontree (Mar 29, 2004)

For now we just use the term vulva as a catch-all. When she's older and can better understand the specifics we'll use the 'proper' terms with the exception that a discussion will be had about the term vagina. Basically I'll let her know why I prefer the term yoni and give her a choice on what she wants to call it.

Vagina comes from the Latin word for 'sheath'. I have a problem using a term that perpetuates the notion that that piece of a woman's anatomy exists soley for the purpose of how it relates to a man's parts. It's another way of protesting one more insidious form of sexism.


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Has anyone read Spiritual Midwifery? (Yeah, yeah, it's MDC.) You know how the anatomical pictures are all labeled with homey euphemisms like "button" for clitoris and "puss" for...I'm not sure, vulva or vagina?

How do you feel about that?

(Personally it squicked me out, and I lovelovelove Ina May Gaskin. But if anybody ever asked me about my "button"...in labor...I'd probably laugh that baby right out my beautiful daisy.)


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *harpyr* 
Vagina comes from the Latin word for 'sheath'. I have a problem using a term that perpetuates the notion that that piece of a woman's anatomy exists soley for the purpose of how it relates to a man's parts. It's another way of protesting one more insidious form of sexism.

I do sort of understand this...but I mostly don't. I'm almost 40, and I had no idea that vagina meant sheath until I found it out here about a year ago. I don't know anybody who knows that. The word "vagina" means (to me and everyone else I know) a woman's genitals, more specifically the birth canal.

Honestly, I'm trying to wrap my brain around "yoni", and I do get where people are coming from, but it just comes across to me like one more way to avoid actually _saying_ "those words" - the ones my prude of a grandmother would never utter. I grew up hearing vagina and it sounds fine to me.

I see the whole "sheath" thing differently, anyway. The only times I've ever come across it is in contexts where men refer to their penis as a sword...and, imo, that term strongly suggests that a penis exists _solely_ for the purpose of how it relates to a woman's parts. While I'm not crazy about the "warrior" flavour of those expressions, they contain an inherent duality that removes the sexist tone to "vagina" that may otherwise exist.


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## RainCoastMama (Oct 13, 2004)

.


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## Hannahsmummy (Oct 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TefferTWH* 
Ok, I have to post on this one because although I don't have a girl (yet!), my neighbor is seriously weirded out by proper terms and has funny made up ones for her daughter. She calls breasts chi-chis and her vulva her wookie. I swear I'm gonna get that kid a custom Star Wars t-shirt with a picture of Chewbacca on it that says something like "Keep your hands off my Wookie!"

LMAO! This reminds me of the last time I had a conversation with people about what we call our kids genitals. Most had made up names, a few were calling their girls parts "fairy"! Next day a friend (who had been a part of that conversation) and I were out at a book store and saw a book called "That's not my Fairy!" and we both started to burst out laughing! Really, with all the fairy stuff out there for kids, wouldn't that be a little confusing?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I can _so_ picture dd saying this. I haven't really showed her where her clitoris is, because there's no reason for me to be touching it, and I can't figure out how to show her which part I'm talking about. She has heard the word, though. I think I was 13-14 before I knew what a clitoris was called, and my mom wasn't particularly shy about this stuff...she just did the thing where "vagina" was all she used.

My daughter knows what a clitoris is because she was about 3 when she asked "what's this bump in here?"

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I say "vulva" but my daughter has chosen to use the term "woman area".

Aww, that's cute.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amitymama* 
Yoni just makes me think 'rice-a-roni' or 'yeti.' Neither of which I want my awesome vagina to be associated with.









LOL!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
My parents used "vagina" as a term for the female genital area. When I was 3 or 4 and looking at myself in the bathtub, my mother told me the correct name of each specific part. Thus, I was able to explain that I had a chigger bite on my labia (














or whatever, but in general we said "vagina". I don't see a big problem with that.

Those of you who are sticklers for "vagina" referring only to the internal organ: *Ever complained of a "stomachache"? Ever lie down on your "stomach"?* Don't you know the stomach is a specific internal organ?!









Yes this is us as well. We are firmly in the "vagina" camp, _now there's some imagery for ya!_

I know that it means the internal parts and my almost 5 year old knows it too. She also knows the correct names for the rest of her genitals as well but we are happy with vagina and it is easily understood by others as well.


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## moonshoes (Jun 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I agree that the overall goal is to teach self-respect.

But what I still don't get is why the words we use for genitalia should be considered a personal choice. Wouldn't we think it downright bizarre if a family regularly referred to their arms as "marmas" and taught their kids to use that term? If they said, "It's our personal choice to call them "marmas." Because we don't like the sound of the word "arm."

I mean, what is the difference here? What purpose is served by avoiding proper terms?

I also find it disengenuous for someone choosing another word to claim that the proper terms "sound unpleasant." Why does this only come up in reference to genitalia? The word "scalp" has never sounded very melodious to me. But am I going to start calling the top of my head a "scalonia" instead? Just because I can?

I completely agree with this. I also find that while most people are perfectly comfortable saying "penis" they somehow get uptight about saying "vulva" or "vagina." why is that?

Personally, I can't imagine my Dd not being comfortable saying vagina or vulva. Or my DS for that matter.


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## Azuralea (Jan 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
Has anyone read Spiritual Midwifery? (Yeah, yeah, it's MDC.) You know how the anatomical pictures are all labeled with homey euphemisms like "button" for clitoris and "puss" for...I'm not sure, vulva or vagina?

How do you feel about that?

(Personally it squicked me out, and I lovelovelove Ina May Gaskin. But if anybody ever asked me about my "button"...in labor...I'd probably laugh that baby right out my beautiful daisy.)

I really didn't like it. _Really_ didn't, as in nearly stopped reading the book because of it.

But I don't really like Ina May Gaskin. There. I've said it.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

My therapist is adament that people should use proper names--vagina and penis. Period. She said she's had parents who "named" their kids' private areas "cupcake" or "cookie", etc. (And what do you do with cupcakes and cookies? Geeze people







) If anything were to happen to a kid (sexually) having the kid use proper names for their parts will hold up more in a court room. Could you imagine a kid in court saying, "He touched my cookie...."

I grew up thinking my vagina was a "cookie". I remember in 3rd grade, my gf and i were passing stupid notes w/pictures--of "balls" "boobs" and whatnot. Just stupid little kid stuff. I passed her a picture of a cookie and wrote "cookie" and giggled. She looked at me like, "What the duck are you talking about?" I honestly thought "cookie" was my private area. I don't remember when I found out the truth--maybe health class or something. My mom was just plain stupid to do that









I think it's very important to use proper names. Just as a pp mentioned...we teach kids about every other body part--arm, fingers, toes, leg, nose, etc--what's so shameful about teaching them the *proper* name for their private area? I think that if you refer to private areas as anything other than the proper name, you're adding shame/embarrasment to the kid.


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 
They had another reason for not making a case. Pocketbook is actually a pretty common term in some areas and is what I was taught I chose not to teach it for other reasons. My friend had to tell officers about someone touching her "pocketbook" and he was arrested and prosecuted. Her "vulva" was never mentioned actually she was given pictures and a model to show what had happened.

i read in the fantastic book, "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin DeBecker another reason not to teach euphemisms is b/c the predator knows right away that the child doesn't have an open & easy dialogue w/ his/her parents about sexuality & thus is less likely to tell. or say no. or maybe to even know that they were abused in the first place. He quotes a police officer as saying, "show me a child who knows nothing of sex and i'll show you a highly qualified victim."

we use vulva as a general word, & clitoris, vagina, labia, urethra and anus. since that's what they r called. my ds has testicles & a penis with a foreskin, and an anus.

no rice or ronis and yetis around here









i also agree with the PP who wondered why there is a choice here? an arm is always an arm- why is a vulva any different?

i've never read "Spiritual Midwifery" but now i must. I cannot _believe_ INA MAY would DO THAT. a button? a _puss_? ick!! tsk tsk!


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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Wouldn't we think it downright bizarre if a family regularly referred to their arms as "marmas" and taught their kids to use that term? If they said, "It's our personal choice to call them "marmas." Because we don't like the sound of the word "arm."

I mean, what is the difference here? What purpose is served by avoiding proper terms?

I also find it disengenuous for someone choosing another word to claim that the proper terms "sound unpleasant." Why does this only come up in reference to genitalia? The word "scalp" has never sounded very melodious to me. But am I going to start calling the top of my head a "scalonia" instead? Just because I can?

This is my thinking as well. "Teeth" and "wrists" are not exactly a pretty words, but IMO that doesn't mean I should call them mouth pearls and hand stems.


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

I don't have a daughter but if I did I would call all parts of the body by their actual names. I will do this for my son as well. I had a health teacher in high school and he refused to call any of the reproductive organs by their proper names! It was terribly disturbing. Their is nothing wrong or dirty about that area of our anatomy.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I agree that the overall goal is to teach self-respect.

But what I still don't get is why the words we use for genitalia should be considered a personal choice. Wouldn't we think it downright bizarre if a family regularly referred to their arms as "marmas" and taught their kids to use that term? If they said, "It's our personal choice to call them "marmas." Because we don't like the sound of the word "arm."

I mean, what is the difference here? What purpose is served by avoiding proper terms?

I also find it disengenuous for someone choosing another word to claim that the proper terms "sound unpleasant." Why does this only come up in reference to genitalia? The word "scalp" has never sounded very melodious to me. But am I going to start calling the top of my head a "scalonia" instead? Just because I can?

My point here is that it's a personal choice and the intent is what's important - if you are teaching your child respect for themselves and not to be ashamed, that is the main issue. Do you want to call your scalp a scalonia? Maybe we would all think that was bizarre. But no one is going to stop you. It's a CHOICE. The issue I was having is that people have such a hard time with those of us who don't want to address the genital area by each of its specific names to a 2-year old girl... the fact that I call my daughter's genitals a "pee-pee" right now is probably desperately frowned-upon by the same people who idolize the woman who calls it a "puss" in her popular book (which I despise, I am sorry - I cannot use that word, it's too close to the word used by sordid woman-hating porn mags).

I don't really think the accepted medical terms "sound unpleasant." I also don't have a problem with the word "yoni." It's not familiar to me, although I have heard it a lot in the past few years, so that's why I don't use it. But I certainly don't begrudge people who do. I may not agree with mamas who call their daughter's private areas a "cookie" or a "nubby," but I am not one to say they are wrong or that they should stop what they're doing lest they cause psychological damage to their child. It's not up to me what you call it - I just don't want anyone to judge because I don't do what they do.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
Has anyone read Spiritual Midwifery? (Yeah, yeah, it's MDC.) You know how the anatomical pictures are all labeled with homey euphemisms like "button" for clitoris and "puss" for...I'm not sure, vulva or vagina?

How do you feel about that?

(Personally it squicked me out, and I lovelovelove Ina May Gaskin. But if anybody ever asked me about my "button"...in labor...I'd probably laugh that baby right out my beautiful daisy.)

See above. I can't use that word. I am much like a PP in that I almost couldn't keep going with that book once I saw that Ina May used "puss" to describe female genitalia. Add a "y" to that word and you have the preferred term of the pornography industry. No thanks.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
It's a CHOICE. The issue I was having is that people have such a hard time with those of us who don't want to address the genital area by each of its specific names to a 2-year old girl... the fact that I call my daughter's genitals a "pee-pee" right now...

SeekingSerenity, I totally understand that you feel it's a choice. What I don't understand is *why* anyone would make that choice. That's where I'm honestly confused.

Presumably you teach your daughter the real words for hair, nose, eyes, hands, etc. I remember going through this with my own kids:

kid points to nose: "na!"
me: "yes, that's your nose."
kid points to toes: "ta!"
me: yes, that's your toe."
kid points to penis "pee!"
me: "yes, that's your penis."

and if I had a girl, I imagine it would go:
kid: "va!"
me: "yes, that's your vulva."

It's not rocket science, you know?

Teaching the correct term is no more difficult than teaching a cutesy incorrect term. So you're not making the choice out of difficulty. The only other reason I can imagine is that you are uncomfortable with the correct terms. And I guess what I'm having "a hard time with" is the idea of passing on that discomfort to a child.

But if I'm wrong about my reasoning here, please let me know. Really, I find this whole thing hard to wrap my mind around.


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
Those of you who are sticklers for "vagina" referring only to the internal organ: *Ever complained of a "stomachache"? Ever lie down on your "stomach"?* Don't you know the stomach is a specific internal organ?!









This questions brings to mind one of the biggest reasons I think it's important to call a vulva a vulva. We talk about "stomach" because we can feel our stomachs. When we feel pain or pressure in our bellies, it feels like our stomachs, whether it really is or not.

The vulva is the part of the female genitalia with all the nerve endings. It's the part where girls experience both good (and bad, but mostly good) sensations. We feel through our vulvas, often intensely. The vagina doesn't have nerve endings. Unless we're giving birth, we tend not to think about how they feel at all. Big difference.

And I think little girls need to know what their vulvas are and what they're for not just so they can accurately describe abuse if need be, but so they can figure out what feels good to them and what they like as they grow and later when they're sexually active adults. So they can be confident and comfortable with their own bodies and all the complexities of their bodies. It's hard to give your child that gift if you mask the entire complex, feeling genital area with a single word. A single wrong word that actually describes a nerveless area. If you don't think that distinction is culturally significant... time to think a little harder.


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## milehighmonkeys (Apr 13, 2006)

I think we underestimate our kids' capacity to understand what we consider complex terms. When DD was in diapers and her labia was irritated or had a bit of a rash, I would tell her that I was putting cream on her labia. When she was learning to wipe, I would tell her to wipe from front to back so as not to risk introducing anything from her anus into her vagina. We're straight forward and direct.

I had never heard "yoni" before, either.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

I've learned more about my girly bits from this thread than I have in my whole life. I had to do a google search on femal anatomy to figure out what the labia and vulva were







: Just to be sure, the "vulva" is basically the entire area, right? And then there's major/minor labia within the "whole area/vulva" right? I'm so embarrassed.







(And this is exactly why I want to teach my dd the right terms from the start...so that she's knowledged and not embarrassed of her body).

Quote:

*ultconsumer* I think we underestimate our kids' capacity to understand what we consider complex terms. When DD was in diapers and her labia was irritated or had a bit of a rash, I would tell her that I was putting cream on her labia. When she was learning to wipe, I would tell her to wipe from front to back so as not to risk introducing anything from her anus into her vagina. We're straight forward and direct.

I had never heard "yoni" before, either.
And another embarrassing question... If the vagina is the actual opening, how do you teach daughters that's what it is? Do you hold up a mirror and show them? Do you explain what it feels like and let them explore? omg...I'm running away now


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

And this is what gets me about these types of threads. It always seems to turn into "I am smarter than you" type thing. "


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OhDang* 
Vagina. VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA!!
what is wrong with the normal part?? What is soo wrong with saying vagina? I think it's wrong to call your child's private parts a nickname.
Do you have a nickname for you elbow? your knees? no. so why should vangina be any different?

We say sometimes say "tummy" and "belly" instead of stomach


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

When my kids are younger we'll have differnet names for them and just generally call them private parts. As they get older we'll probably explain more. Not sure yet.

But what I don't get is why anyone cares if I have a daughter and teach her to say "flower" "yoni" "vagina" or break out the diagram and teach her every little area. It's no one's business and it's a personal parenting decision. Maybe you (and this isn't aimed at anyone in particular) don't agree that the vaginal area should be called by other words, but face it, it is and it's not the end of the world.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
SeekingSerenity, I totally understand that you feel it's a choice. What I don't understand is *why* anyone would make that choice. That's where I'm honestly confused.

Teaching the correct term is no more difficult than teaching a cutesy incorrect term. So you're not making the choice out of difficulty. The only other reason I can imagine is that you are uncomfortable with the correct terms. And I guess what I'm having "a hard time with" is the idea of passing on that discomfort to a child.

This is correct - it's not rocket science, and when my daughter is a little older, I will have no problem teaching her the specific names for her anatomy...

But yes, right now there is discomfort. It's not something for this forum. In any case, it's something SHE is having an issue with, even at her young age, and to deal with this issue requires generalizations just to get her to acknowledge that area is there on her body (she's been refusing to call it anything) without further upsetting the situation. It's not a typical case, I admit, and honestly I'd probably still be general with names at this age even without extenuating circumstances, but as for "why" I make that choice? Outside of this particular case, I'd have to say it's because that's how I was raised. Maybe that's a cop-out, but it's how most of us base our parenting - taking what we know and adapting our own style from it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grniys* 
But what I don't get is why anyone cares if I have a daughter and teach her to say "flower" "yoni" "vagina" or break out the diagram and teach her every little area. It's no one's business and it's a personal parenting decision. Maybe you (and this isn't aimed at anyone in particular) don't agree that the vaginal area should be called by other words, but face it, it is and it's not the end of the world.

THANK YOU. Why is it of such concern? I know some mamas on here are just trying to clarify why others use terms they don't agree with, but in truth, I think this thread was started to be an open discussion of different choices, not so much a "How could you" or "Why shouldn't I" type of thing. I think it's pretty awesome that some mamas have really learned new things during the course of this discussion, so at least that good has come from it.

But we should all be able to chime in with the choices we've made and not have to feel defensive as to why. These are our daughters, after all, and not one of us on here has any desire to cause distress or confusion in our little girls. We're doing what we think is appropriate for our families... and that's up to each of us individually.

Peace, mamas...


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 







, don't rightly care if it's the most correct term or not. I don't feel the need to teach my 6 year old her labia versus her vulva. So should the vagina monologue's rename their show the vulva, clitoris, labia, and vagina monologue's (maybe VCLV for short) since technically speaking there's more than just the vagina involved? So it is a common catch all rather it is correct or not. When she is older she can learn all the correct terms, guess I'm just not PC enough, no worries on my end about it.


But when is older, and who is there to teach her other than you?


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## Joyster (Oct 26, 2007)

Interesting thread, I don't have a daughter but got through it! For reference, we call our boys parts, peeper, because you pee out of there and will make an easy transition to penis.

When I was growing up, we had all sorts of names for ones vulva/vagina. I grew up in Toronto, and many of the names were not the Latin ones people have talked about here. I honestly don't know what I'd tell my girls to call it, not out of shame, but vagina and vulva just really aren't a part of my vocabulary and I don't feel any more empowered using those words.

I also don't think for a second that teaching your children the "proper" names for ones genitals is going to keep them any safer from pedophiles or make them a more credible witness in court. I've been in the courtrooms, I've worked with the children and the parents, and their vocabulary or lack thereof was not really a factor in why these children were selected by these predators. Sexual predators often like to prey on children who are neglected, poorly supervised and/or abused. Not to say that they don't grab kids who are well cared for, but they want to decrease their chances of getting caught and vigilant parents are a big deterrent.


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## Shahbazin (Aug 3, 2006)

My 2 yr old knows she has a vulva, & that others may have a penis (& she has some cute little cloth dolls that are anatomically correct; I admit, I was a little embarrassed the 1st time that she stripped the clothes off the dollies & presented them to her 80 yr old grandfather (my FIL), announcing that "Mike has a penis!", but that's my hangup, & granddad seems unfazed; & she has seen DH & I dressing, her sister getting changed/bathed, & observed the anatomy of our dogs). She knows that poop comes out of the anus, & we often refer to the whole area covered by her diaper as her bottom or heiny. I've told her that girls have vulvas & boys have penises, but I'm not sure what she actually makes of gender. We haven't really labeled the testicles, because they're not as obvious - & I didn't want try explaining yet why some males - our housedog, for instance - don't have any. I'll explain more detail about her anatomy when she's old enough to ask about the different parts.


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## l_olive (Jan 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grniys* 
But what I don't get is why anyone cares if I have a daughter and teach her to say "flower" "yoni" "vagina" or break out the diagram and teach her every little area. It's no one's business and it's a personal parenting decision. Maybe you (and this isn't aimed at anyone in particular) don't agree that the vaginal area should be called by other words, but face it, it is and it's not the end of the world.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
But we should all be able to chime in with the choices we've made and not have to feel defensive as to why. These are our daughters, after all, and not one of us on here has any desire to cause distress or confusion in our little girls. We're doing what we think is appropriate for our families... and that's up to each of us individually.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *MayBaby2007* 
I've learned more about my girly bits from this thread than I have in my whole life. I had to do a google search on femal anatomy to figure out what the labia and vulva were







: Just to be sure, the "vulva" is basically the entire area, right? And then there's major/minor labia within the "whole area/vulva" right? I'm so embarrassed.







(And this is exactly why I want to teach my dd the right terms from the start...so that she's knowledged and not embarrassed of her body).

And another embarrassing question... If the vagina is the actual opening, how do you teach daughters that's what it is? Do you hold up a mirror and show them? Do you explain what it feels like and let them explore? omg...I'm running away now
















First of all, Maybaby, please, please, please don't feel like I'm picking on you because I WAS you not all that long ago. My mother taught me nothing about what she referred to as my "nubby" and I was horrified when I learned at 12 that others didn't refer to it the same way. I remember my humiliation at a sleepover quite well.

To answer the first two posters, Maybaby's situation, and mine, is EXACTLY why I can't support the use of cutesy nicknames for female genitalia. Maybaby is a woman who has given birth to her own child not knowing what the word labia meant. And you'll note that, just like me, it is her aim to teach her child so that she won't feel the same shame about those body parts that she was raised with. For both her and me, the decision of our parents to leave our body parts unnamed or mis-named has indeed caused distress and confusion.

To answer your questions, Maybaby, you've got the whole vulva/labia majora/minora stuff right. Two other important parts you might want to locate and name are the urethra and clitoris. Others may laugh, but I didn't know the difference until I was 17 and had a bladder infection. The doctor (old male doctor -- oh the humiliation) had to explain it to me.

As far as the actual vagina, I would probably just tell her that she has one and it's the opening out of which babies will be born. I don't think I would actually direct her exploration, but I think if she knows it's there, she'll eventually go looking for it on her own.

Sorry but this is a painful issue for me.


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## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

Vulva or pee pee. Some fake words I just can't stand. My friend uses the term "monkey". It's really confusing in a conversation.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

LOL "monkey"??? Thats a new one to me.

DS has a penis and testicles. DD has a vagina (though I must admit I hate that I call it that when we are actually talking about the vulva... I dont know, she is 3.. I just let it go). Once or twice I have referred to it as cootchie. I know, nice.


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## lasciate (May 4, 2005)

Something I wanted to mention - while I taught my daughter the correct terminology from the beginning, I wasn't comfortable with it at first. It was through watching my daughter treat the word 'vulva' as any other body part that helped me get over my hangups from childhood. DD also knows that I have a baby in my uterus (not my tummy or stomach) and while she hasn't asked how it's going to come out yet, I will explain that to her in plain terms as well.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

But when is older, and who is there to teach her other than you?
You know, I grew up in a conservative small town, but the pamphlet produced by Kotex that was handed out in 6th grade in public school included a diagram of the female genitals with the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, vagina, hymen, and vulva accurately labeled. Any girl interested enough to read that pamphlet thus learned this information. It was also presented in puberty/sex-ed classes I attended through church and Girl Scouts. My local public library had several anatomy texts with diagrams. I didn't take college biology, but my friends who did learned all the internal as well as external female structures. Parents are not the only possible source of this information, unless they home-school and keep their children away from these other sources.

I think it is fine for girls not to know the names of all their specific parts until they are preparing for puberty, unless they show curiosity before that.

Quote:

The vulva is the part of the female genitalia with all the nerve endings. It's the part where girls experience both good (and bad, but mostly good) sensations. We feel through our vulvas, often intensely. The vagina doesn't have nerve endings. Unless we're giving birth, we tend not to think about how they feel at all.
Speak for yourself, please. There may not be nerve endings (I haven't gone over the anatomical technicalities in a while) but that doesn't mean the entire vagina is numb. I at least have a lot of sensation in the outer half-inch and at the G-spot, and while that may technically be produced by nerve endings in other organs being rubbed through the vaginal wall, I certainly perceive it as sensation in the vagina. When my period starts, I can feel trickles into the lower vagina and get to the bathroom before any flow comes out. Oh, and there's the aching I used to feel by the third day of my period when I used tampons, which I can only describe as "aching vagina". So don't count me in the "we" who never think about how our vaginas feel.

Quote:

And I think little girls need to know what their vulvas are and what they're for not just so they can accurately describe abuse if need be, but so they can figure out what feels good to them and what they like as they grow and later when they're sexually active adults. So they can be confident and comfortable with their own bodies and all the complexities of their bodies. It's hard to give your child that gift if you mask the entire complex, feeling genital area with a single word.
What, you mean a single word like "vulva"?







Seems to me you don't need to know words to experience sensations. Judy Blume has written about how she was not taught any words for her genitals until she was a teenager yet figured out for herself years earlier that she had a "special place" and found that when she discussed it with her friends, they all had special places too.

Information is good. I just can't agree that a girl who doesn't know the scientific terms for each of her genital structures can't figure out what feels good and must be afraid of and uncomfortable with her body. She'll have a little trouble discussing it in words, but that won't impair her fingers or her lover's.

And I KNOW from my personal experience that a girl who thinks of her whole genital area as her "vagina" has no trouble exploring and enjoying it!









Quote:

Maybaby is a woman who has given birth to her own child not knowing what the word labia meant. And you'll note that, just like me, it is her aim to teach her child so that she won't feel the same shame about those body parts that she was raised with. For both her and me, the decision of our parents to leave our body parts unnamed or mis-named has indeed caused distress and confusion.
I agree that letting a daughter get all the way to adulthood without making sure she gets this information is problematic. Teaching shame about the body parts is a bit different from just not talking about them because it doesn't happen to come up, but the two issues definitely play off each other: If you don't make a point of naming those parts, your daughter may think it's because they're shameful; if you project the attitude that those parts are shameful, your daughter is less likely to dare to ask what they're called.

Maybaby, I have to ask: Did you have no books about puberty, biology, women's health, or childbirth that had diagrams of female genitals? I've seen so many of them that it seems like it would be hard to get to adulthood without ever seeing one. Were you just not as curious as me?


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## Shahbazin (Aug 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...Maybaby, I have to ask: Did you have no books about puberty, biology, women's health, or childbirth that had diagrams of female genitals? I've seen so many of them that it seems like it would be hard to get to adulthood without ever seeing one. Were you just not as curious as me?









To be honest, I didn't know what those parts were "down there" were all called until I was in my 20's & about to be married; I got a booklet from the gynecologist I went to for my 1st exam (I went so I could get BC pills). The HS I went to almost 30 yrs ago didn't have anything about external human reproductive anatomy, & I didn't drive until late, so public libraries were out. We certainly didn't have any info in my parents' house. I never looked for that info at the university library. The only anatomy I'd ever seen was in my college art history class







I knew about the basics from a farming background, but nothing about humans.


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## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

I was lucky my dad gave me a copy of our bodies ourselves when I was 17 (a little late but okay!). My friends never got anything like that. I think my parents were the only parents in town that would let their child read such a book. So I can totally see how someone could get into adulthood having little to no knowledge of female anatomy.


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

My (now) husband made me sit down with a mirror and figure out what is what down there. He knew I was ashamed and thought it was dirty and gross and that we needed to work through it.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

Thanks I Olive and Shahbazin









Quote:

Originally Posted by EnviroBecca
...Maybaby, I have to ask: Did you have no books about puberty, biology, women's health, or childbirth that had diagrams of female genitals? I've seen so many of them that it seems like it would be hard to get to adulthood without ever seeing one. Were you just not as curious as me?

To be honest, I've just been completely mortified over the subject. Talking with other women here and seeing the correct terms helps though. I've _heard_ labia, vulva, etc. But I was too mortified to find out what they were. In health class in HS, I don't think they taught vulva/labia. I think they just did "vagina" and the internal organs. Then again, I had my face burried so nobody would see me while we discussed the issue (or I just skipped class all together). Ya know, hoping that if I burried my head and nobody could see me I'd become invisible and/or the topic itself would go away. I've used "street" names for my parts...cuz that's apparently more socially acceptable. I guess giving birth/having a daughter has opened up a whole new world and I don't want her to have to same embarrassment/shame that I've had all my life. I'm learning so I can teach her. I'm a late learner, in many aspects of my life, but I'm learning nonetheless.


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## macca333 (Jun 14, 2008)

This has got me thinking!! My family used "bits" for a girl , but willy for a boy! As most posters have pointed out why is it much harder to get a suitable term/use the right term for a girl's private parts?


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

We used vagina when dd couldn't pronounce vulva (she said vooova), now we have transitioned to vulva, and have used labia when talking specifics (example: "honey, if you keep closing your labia with your hands the pee pee will spray everywhere"







) ... then we got into clitoris because she came running to me one day -- "I have something in my vagina!!!!" and I thought crap, what has she put in there and how am I going to explain it to a doctor at the ER... thank God she was talking about her clitoris -- then we got into urethra because she asked me if she peed out of her clitoris and why didn't she have a penis like daddy...

So these things have evolved over time







She just turned 3 by the way and I am not uncomfortable in the least talking about it.

I mean yeah, is it embarrassing being in Jo-Ann fabrics waiting for fabric to be cut and dd is singing a song set to the tune of jingle bells with "vagina" being the only word? Yes.

but it is also funny


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## llamalluv (Aug 24, 2007)

My mother used "secret", because apparently, at about 2 years of age I figured out that the way to know FOR SURE if someone was male or female, (The early 80's being a confusing time for toddlers trying to learn gender) was to check their genitals.

So....because I started the horrifying habit of looking under strange women's skirts to verify their femininity, my mother started saying "Don't look there, it's a secret." We then began using that word for a woman's genitals.

Akin to "private parts" or "privates".







We also used "peepee".

Tush and fanny, though, we used for the back side, along with butt.


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## JSerene (Nov 4, 2004)

My dd's first word was vulva (when she was first learning to talk she happened to be interested in the area).

Now at 3, she understands the following terms: vulva, vagina, labia, clitoris, urethra, perineum, uterus, anus, testicals and penis.


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## olliepop (Jun 26, 2007)

Quote:

My therapist is adament that people should use proper names--vagina and penis. Period. She said she's had parents who "named" their kids' private areas "cupcake" or "cookie", etc. (And what do you do with cupcakes and cookies? Geeze people







) If anything were to happen to a kid (sexually) having the kid use proper names for their parts will hold up more in a court room. Could you imagine a kid in court saying, "He touched my cookie...."

I grew up thinking my vagina was a "cookie".
Consider yourself lucky. My mom called mine a "munchie!"







:


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## YesandNo (Mar 16, 2008)

Quote:

I grew up in a conservative small town, but the pamphlet produced by Kotex that was handed out in 6th grade in public school included a diagram of the female genitals with the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, vagina, hymen, and vulva accurately labeled. Any girl interested enough to read that pamphlet thus learned this information. It was also presented in puberty/sex-ed classes I attended through church and Girl Scouts. My local public library had several anatomy texts with diagrams. I didn't take college biology, but my friends who did learned all the internal as well as external female structures. Parents are not the only possible source of this information, unless they home-school and keep their children away from these other sources.
I was a very sheltered teenager and I learned about female anatomy from the tampon pamphlets and a copy of "Our Bodies, Ourselves". It was enlightening. But I did get the distinct impression that the info was both secret and shameful.

And I learned about female anatomy at the same time time that I learned about sexuality, which is not ideal since ... well, I don't know of a better way to put it than to say that I knew sex was "down there" and also that everything toilet-related was "down there" and this left me confused, grossed out by sex, and vaguely ashamed for a long time. I think a simple and matter-of-fact explanation early on would have been better.


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## eurobin (Aug 20, 2006)

Right now, my almost two year old calls hers a "gina." I was just thinking today about how I need to teach her the difference between vulva and vagina though. She's obsessed with body parts and knows the differences between eyelash, eyelid, eyebrow, forehead and temple so there's no reason she can't understand vulva and vagina. I don't think she's discovered her clitoris yet, or at least I've not witnessed it. I probably won't point it out... I haven't point out ribs or spine or anything else, you know?

I do use the non-clinical "bits" for referring to the whole area covered by a diaper; ie, oh my you've got poop all over your bits! There's not really a medical term for the area that spans from anus to mons pubis, is there? I figure it's like "tummy." Lots of stuff is covered by both tummy and bits, but it's an easy way to refer to a semi-specific region of one's body.

My parents were upfront about the bits' true names and purposes so it's not really something that I'm embarassed about. I got the sex talk (aka, how babies are made) when I was 6 years old or so... when I was too young to be embarassed by it. I'll probably do the same with Anna.


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## BunnySlippers (Oct 30, 2007)

I was thinking of this thread the other day when dd hurt herself on the arm.
She said "I just did 'blah' to my arm, I mean my WRIST, and boy does it hurt"
so yes in our family we are very body part specific. I do find it helpful to be able to narrow down the area in question. I also like that she knows her body well enough to seperate the areas if she needs to.
We will keep on with being specific for all areas(not just the vulva area).


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

This has been a very interesting read.

I called girl's parts vaginas (I worked in daycare and it's what most of the parents there said, it's not nice to contradict them).

My baby has penis and balls. I try, but his father will not say tesitcles or scrotum. He has sack and balls. I've hit a place of "close enough". I also say bits or parts to refer to the whole area covered by a diaper. (ie, from the penis to the anus)

I plan to use Vulva for my girls, if and when I have them.

I would like to join those who can't stand yoni. I know it's a beautiful sanskrit word, but it irritates me. Can't say why. However, feel free to teach it to your kids, I just don't plan to use it.

And for those who say "we teach kids proper names for everything else" No we don't! I also say piggies, tootsies, belly, finners, bottom, kissers, fluff, boobs, peepers, snout, shnoz, etc.

At least we are all doing better than my friend's aunt. She was brought up to wash as far down as possible, wash as far up as possible, and then wash possible. So she called it possible.


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## Individuation (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elspethshimon* 
Yoni is NOT a made up word. Sanskrit is NOT a silly, pretend language. Indeed, yoni is the only word that I can think of that actually honors body.










Yeah, but you're still using another language, which... seems pretty euphemistic to me. And I've studied Sanskrit, which most people who like to say "yoni"... haven't.

I say vulva, vagina, labia. Latin is no more inherently crude or dirty than Sanskrit.


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## mama_at_home (Apr 27, 2004)

We call it a vulva but it is very difficult for me. I cringe everytime I say it, but I don't want my daughter growing up with a weird complex like me, so I make myself say it. She says it very casually. It embarrasses dh, though. The other day she walked up to dh and was like "Daddy, my vulva hurts." He turned red and told her to talk to Mommy. Growing up, my mom called it a "tushie." One time at school one of the teachers said "You don't have a jacket? You're going to freeze your little tushie off." I about died!


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

We have two girls and just say vagina or privates. We haven't had the need really to go into specifics of the vagina because they never really have asked and we aren't super technical about certain parts. If they asked I would tell them.

The other day though after we went to the beach, I was changing my daughter who was CAKED in sand and I said, "Oh no! Not in the va jay-jay." She looked at me puzzled and said, "Did you just call me J-J?"


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## brookie514 (Feb 2, 2008)

My BF's DD was molested by her dad. The social worker said she was believable (at 4) because she used the correct terms for her parts. Doctors and social workers know what the cute or silly names mean, but a defense lawyer will rip it to shreds. "It can mean anything! That could be the name for your big toe!"







So we use only correct names, just in case.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Regarding _Spiritual Midwifery_ and Ina May Gaskin, and other thoughts on the history of the words we use:

1. The book has to be read as a product of its time. From what I seem to gather from talking to women older than myself, there as sort of a transition of words used by women exploring ways to claim empowering language for the female genitalia. There was a lot of pushback against the more secretive nicknames being used as that wave of feminism peaked.

"Puss" was one of those words _some_ women experimented with...it was used in an empowered framework. Remember, these were women who were getting together in women's lib groups and taking mirrors and looking at their female anatomy together. They were already talking about the "clitoris" and the "labia," and all. Then, sometime in the 70s and 80s, a lot of women started to experiment with reclaiming the word "vagina" as a non-clinical and non-patriarchal word to describe the totality of female genitalia.

A LOT of us grew up with that. Many of us also learned the more specific parts too, but "vagina" was still the catch-all phrase of that time used by a great number of folks. But by the time many of us were coming of age, there were books like _Our Bodies, Ourselves_, and there was more comprehensive sex ed (which is actually being phased out of a lot of schools now). So we learned words like "vulva" as the "true" catch-all, and we learned about parts of our bodies that sometimes weren't even explored back when women were getting together and looking at their bodies: we learned about the "G spot," for example.

Now there seems to be a pretty good split between camps still using nicknames of various types, as well as camps using words like "vagina" still, the more recently used "vulva," and of course, the seemingly love-it-or-hate it "yoni."

_Spiritual Midwifery_ would be a tough read not taken as a historical text.

2. Some folks have said, half ashamed, that they don't love Ina May Gaskin. I don't either. I understand in the grand scheme of things her contributions to the world of midwifery. And I am thankful for those. But my mom, an AP/GD/earthy type visited "the farm" with some of us kids back in the 1970s or early 1980s and [A] was lectured endlessly about the fact that she was still breastfeeding a two year old (I am sure Ina May is way more enlightened now) and * found that every few sentences spoken by folks on the farm seemed to be peppered with the phrase "Stephen says..." (Remember Ina's husband Stephen? Remember how in the book Stephen was a major default authority? Well, that was happening in real life too, and it really rubbed my mom the wrong way...it felt sort of cult-y to her and also very, and ironically, patriarchal). I am not all adoring of Ina May.*


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Okay, so now that I got the _Spiritual Midwifery_ thing out of the way, let me say this. I have been on MDC for over ten years. Believe me, this is not the first time this conversation has come up, nor will it be the last. The arguments made here, on all sides of the fence, have been made and will be made again.

This is one of those personal decisions that seems to carry some weight, and it is easy to argue about personal decisions that seem to carry some weight. I think if done in a civil manner, this back-and-forth that seems so much like running around in circles actually can help us as individuals to clarify our personal thinking and values so we can make our own individual decisions thoughtfully.

I am proof. Watching a few of these conversations over the years, I reconsidered my continuation of the term "vagina" as my "catch-all" (how it was used when I was a kid). With dfd, I use "vulva." When I first thought of using that term, it just did not feel right to me. It felt so clinical and un-natural. But I did it because I had thought it out and really clarified my values. It turns out it only felt un-natural to say because I wasn't used to saying it. Now that I have a two year old who throws it about as naturally as "elbow" or "abdomen" or "knee" or "little toe," (and a three year old boy who also has been known to say it), it suddenly feels like the most natural thing in the world.

With all these terms, we each are going to have some initial, gut reactions. It is easy to judge and listen impatiently to one another. It is easy to react off-handedly with words chosen without thought ("eewww") and without consideration for those they may hurt. That may be the nature of the beast, but even if it makes me a hopeless optimist, I think we can do better. If there is more to say, let it be said as respectfully as possible.

One final note:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brookie514* 
Doctors and social workers know what the cute or silly names mean, but a defense lawyer will rip it to shreds. "It can mean anything! That could be the name for your big toe!"







So we use only correct names, just in case.

Yes, I do think this can have an influence, even now in these fairly "enlightened times." Court is an unforgiving place (I know because my family's life is largely a court-determined life due to being a foster family). The job of the defense attorney will be to rip to shreds any weakness, no matter how impartial the investigations have been. Not too many years ago, there was a situation right here on MDC where a mama discovered her child was being abused by the child's father. Her ability to protect her daughter *was* limited by the use of a cute nickname for "vulva." She eventually was able to ensure her child's protection, but it was a painful, awful saga. The rest of us wanted to leap through our computer screens and grab this mama and her children and RUN!

On the other hand, I think the person who is involved in investigations of child sexual abuse who pointed out that at least in terms of interviewing children there is always a chance to code the body according to the child's language before the interview really starts is an important one. I think a lot of progress has been made even since the publication of _Protecting the Gift_. Depending on where you live, your child may experience some protection because of that, regardless of what you call the vulva and its parts.


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## macca333 (Jun 14, 2008)

I haven't plucked up the courage to call DD's parts anything other than "bits"- I'm hoping to get there one day very soon !


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
Regarding _Spiritual Midwifery_ and Ina May Gaskin, and other thoughts on the history of the words we use:

1. The book has to be read as a product of its time. ...

2. Remember how in the book Stephen was a major default authority? Well, that was happening in real life too, and it really rubbed my mom the wrong way...it felt sort of cult-y to her and also very, and ironically, patriarchal... .

1) Yes, excellent point and 2) I have a friend of a friend who grew up there, and that was basically what she said too.

Now, back to the vulvas!


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## EXOLAX (May 22, 2005)

We have two girls. Our general term is vulva, but we do get specific and our girls know clitoris, urethra, vagina. They use anus accurately and bottom/butt/booty (learned from a friend) as well as gluteus maximus, minimus, sacro-illiac... (all learned from a song about butt's).

FWIW our girls have blirted it out in public. One of them fell as a toddler backward on a poll after a LLL meeting and screamed "I HURT MY ANUS". Our youngest was prone to running around naked, doing sumo squats, pointing with both hands and exclaiming 'Vulva!'. Our DD's have taught my MIL more about her own body then she knew.









I also bring it up in normal conversation. While I feel we are very conscious of not offending other people this is one are where I will not give. It is more important for me that our DD's have a healthy relationship with their bodies then it is to not offend someone. While doing normal daily activities I will ask them questions. At the grocery store for instance, I will ask them both to get a box of cereal and in the same breath ask them if anyone has ever touched their vulva. It may not be normal for most people, but I want it to be normal conversation in our house. DH talks about it too. And yea, he has a penis and testicles, and an anus







.

Just tonight we had this conversation after bath with our just 4 y/o:
"Mom, what's this right here that tickles when I touch it?"
"That's your clitoris"
"OHhhhh! I always wondered where that was and now I know!"

I wish more people knew....


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## guestmama9922 (Aug 2, 2006)

admitting that i have not read _all_ of the thread.

my daughter uses yoni, vulva _and_ vagina.
my son uses willy/penis/balls/testicles.
there are times when it's appropriate to know the real names, and times when they can be less technical, iyswim.

i have recently run across a woman on a major UK parenting board (it's horrible, trust me) and she very happily told everyone that they called her daughters parts
'*her tuppence*'.
i thought she was joking as in the same sentence went on to say she told her kids that the storks brought babies,
but alas, she was serious.
:shudder:

i just could not believe that anyone would use _money_ to refer to their private parts.
i was shouted off the board for saying so.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *powpow* 

i have recently run across a woman on a major UK parenting board (it's horrible, trust me) and she very happily told everyone that they called her daughters parts
'*her tuppence*'.
i thought she was joking as in the same sentence went on to say she told her kids that the storks brought babies,
but alas, she was serious.
:shudder:

i just could not believe that anyone would use _money_ to refer to their private parts.
i was shouted off the board for saying so.

Ugh, I have a pretty good idea which board you mean. It's horrid.


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