# Is it better for kids to be the oldest in their class, or the youngest?



## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

First and foremost, I understand that it will vary greatly from child to child. But in general, what are your experiences with having a child 9-12 months older than the rest of their class or 9-12 months younger?

My girls miss the state's cut off for starting kindy by 2 and 7 days. Dh and I are struggling trying to decide if we should send DD1 to a private school next year so that she can start kindy at 5yo or wait until she's 6yo when she could attend public.

While it wouldn't be a financial burden for us to have her in private school, it would be more inconvenient because I'd have to drive her everyday (rather than being able to take the bus).

DD1 is very socially mature and educationally, I'd say she's average. She's attended preschool 3 full days a week for the last 2 years (due to my work schedule) and loves school.

I was just hoping to gather some insight on your experiences, if your child is significantly older or younger than others in their class.

Any thoughts on this subject are greatly appreciated.


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

Like you said it greatly depends on the child. You need to follow your heart, what you feel is best for your child. I've seen a lot of parents in the "learning at school" forum who have younger than the rest at school and are thriving and happy. I had my dd attend a extra year of preschool so she could be older because I felt she would benefit from the extra year. Plus my dd tends to be a leader in situations when others are younger, and quite the follower if the others are older.

My dd is now 8, attending 2nd grade and doing well. While she gets board sometimes with the work at school (she reads at a 6th grade level) I do believe this will even out greatly around 3rd/4th grade.

I wasn't sure if I was totally doing the right thing when I held dd back. But looked at it this way. Most people I talked to didn't regret holding back, but several regretted not. So weigh your options, and follow your heart.


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## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

I think it's better for a child to be the oldest. They are not always struggling to keep up socially and academically and they don't get caught up in the next 'stage' before they are ready (i.e. all the other girls are into boys and they just want to play with dolls still). Of course, like you said this is just a generalization and it really depends on the individual. GL with your decision.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

I know it is different for everyone, but based on my experience, I'd argue that it would be better for a child to start school a little too late than risk starting a little too early.

My dh's brother was born two days before the cutoff for school in our town. His mom sent him to school and he was perennially the youngest in his class.

FWIW, MIL and BIL now tell everyone who will listen not to start their children too early. It wasn't so much in the early grades, but rather in the later ones that the difference in physical and emotional maturity showed up and made a difference. His peer group was older and , according to MIL, this got him into partying and teenage stuff he wasn't ready for. He was always the (rather frustrated) follower, never a leader in school or activities, and his age/maturity apparently had a lot to do with that.

He and his wife had a couple of late winter babies and held them both back a year so they would be on the older side.

I do home childcare and have seen a couple of 4.5 yr old girls start school, not be able to handle it, and then be pulled out to wait for another year. One of them had lasting issues with hating school after this.

My dd was born just after the cutoff and is one of the oldest children in her grade and does very well academically and socially.

My son was born just before the cutoff and I am treating myself to an extra year with him at home. I can see sometimes that he might have been ready for the challenge of K this year, but I am also very happy that he is still so "little boy" in so many ways, not growing up too fast. He tends to seriously hero-worship anyone a little older than he is, and I don't want his peers at school to impress and influence him any more than necessary, ykwim? I think he'll be more confident and more successful starting at 5.5. than he would have at 4.5.

Jmo.


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## LaLaLaLa (Oct 29, 2007)

My kids aren't in school yet, but I can speak for my own experience as a youngest. I was very advanced academically and never felt like the work of school was beyond me. Quite the opposite, actually.

Socially, though, being young was very difficult for me. All through middle school and high school I was incredibly awkward, unable to act natural with my peer group. I just couldn't do the preteen and teen banter with my classmates, couldn't keep up with the innuendo and more mature jokes. It wasn't until I got to college that I really caught up and began to feel comfortable with people in my grade level. I think I would have had a much better experience if I'd been given one more year to develop before starting school.

My parents really didn't even think of that aspect. I was following in my older brother's footsteps and desperate to go to school and I just barely made the cut-off date, so they sent me. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time, and problems really didn't hit until I was in fourth grade or so.


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## 34me (Oct 2, 2006)

My ds is also 2 days too young. He is the third child in the family and being the oldest has been a horrible experience for him.


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## spottiew (Jan 24, 2007)

i liked being the youngest, but i find more people tell me the opposite- they hated it, or they were the oldest and feel it was better. i think you get used to whichever you are, tho.


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## sharon.gmc (Nov 17, 2008)

My kid went to school early for his age. I think it's better if he's the youngest in the class. He's a little more mature than most kids his age.


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

I was a teacher and like others say it depends on the kid. I just want to give you a heads up if you plan to send her to public first next year. My district made a cutoff through 2nd grade because parents were doing what you were doing (sending kids to private who missed the cutoff). The only legal "out" was if you moved from a district where your child was "legitamitly" in kindergarten or 1st. So if you are planning on sending her to 1st grade next year, just make sure they will take her. Have you checked about testing in? Many districts will let you test in if you are taht close to the date (although ours was strict on it through 3rd grade).


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

yep, totally depends on the kid.

My kids were both born after the state cut off. My son by 23 days. He is one of the oldest in his class, and there is NO WAY I could have sent that child to school the year he turned 5.

We are planning on moving to a state that has a much later cut off. If we had been living there the year he turned 5 we still wouldn't have sent him to school.

My daughter on the other hand, is 10 days after the cut off (for our current state), and though she's only 3, if I had to decide today, I would send her to school the year she turns 5, she's more mature than my son was at this age.


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RachelEve14* 
I was a teacher and like others say it depends on the kid. I just want to give you a heads up if you plan to send her to public first next year. My district made a cutoff through 2nd grade because parents were doing what you were doing (sending kids to private who missed the cutoff). The only legal "out" was if you moved from a district where your child was "legitamitly" in kindergarten or 1st. So if you are planning on sending her to 1st grade next year, just make sure they will take her. Have you checked about testing in? Many districts will let you test in if you are taht close to the date (although ours was strict on it through 3rd grade).

My district does not have a testing-in policy of any kind and they are very strict on the date. They do not bend the rules.

If I did send her to private a year early, she could begin attending public school in third grade, if she passes the test.


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## suabel (May 24, 2005)

This is a subject to which I can speak to both sides of the coin. My 5th grader was born six days prior to the cut off and is the youngest in her class. My kindergartener was born two days after the cut off and is the oldest in her class.

My 10-year-old has always done extremely well academically despite being the oldest and apart from being physically small (she's a bit small for her age anyway, so it's exaggerated as she's a year younger than the oldest kids), she hasn't stood apart in any way. Until now. She's a fifth grader and will start middle school next year and she definitely doesn't seem as mature as the other girls. She has no signs of puberty, while most of the other girls do. She still enjoys kid stuff (pretend store, dolls, etc.) and plays very well with her younger sister. I have experience with middle schoolers, as I have a seventh grade dd as well, and this isn't the norm for most sixth graders. Obviously I'm happy for her to be just where she needs to be developmentally, but it can be tough for a kid to be pushed into adolescent behaviors too early, so we'll need to keep a close eye on her. The other downside is for sports. She plays both competitive basketball and soccer and her size has been a challenge, especially in basketball, since she's playing with kids sometimes two years older, depending on the bracket.

My youngest dd is the oldest in her class and there are no downsides yet. She's a reader, though some of the younger kindys are as well, but her teacher accomodates that well. She's taller than some kids, but it doesn't seem to make her feel bothered. She's happy and a leader in the class.

Just my experiences.


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## momtoS (Apr 12, 2006)

It depends alot on the child. My dd turned 4 at the end of September and I was on the fence about sending her, but she loves it. Some of her classmates that didn't turn 4 until the end of December seemed young, some still had bathroom accidents etc.

Why not register your little one and see closer to September?

Private school: Do you think she needs help learning her writing etc? Do you think she will enjoy it? Do you think she will have a hard time changing schools after a year?

gotta go...


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## lindyb52 (Jul 25, 2008)

My child is one of the youngest, and does very well, but my friend's child is the youngest also, and is not doing so well.

It varies all over the place! Everyone is different, but having a tutor helps a lot.

Of course when football season begins, it always gets worse! LOL But I believe sports is important. lindy


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I was an oldest. I did not fit in with my class mates. I ended up having more friends in the class before me. I was bored in school, and then started doing poor in school b/c of it. *I* would have been better off being a youngest. Also, I hit puberty young. I hit puberty full force about 2 years before my peers. It was rough being in 4th grade with my period. There was no area in the stalls in the bathroom for used sanitary napkins. So, I had to do the shame walk to the waste paper basket to throw them out. I got picked on by a lot of kids for having my period. A lot of 4th graders had no idea about female stuff and would ask a lot of questions, and then act grossed out. My nickname became "maxi pad". I was the only kid with acne in 4th grade. Being in the next grade up would have helped with some of that.

I am having a dilemma with what to do with my dd for the same situation. She just misses the cut off. Private school sounds nice since they have a later cut off, but financially I don't know if we could swing it.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Definatley depends on the kid!

Ds was 2 weeks before our cutoff, so he could have entered kindergarten right at age 5, but I held him out. He did one more year of preschool instead.
He is socially immature and shy, so I'm glad I did it.
On the other hand, he is a bit bored since his cognitive skills are above average.

It was a trade off for us.


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## Red Pajama (Jun 11, 2007)

I can't speak from a parent's point of view, as my children are not yet in school. I taught for 9 years though, and was also nearly the youngest in my class growing up.

As a student, I never thought negatively of being the youngest in class, and I was academically comfortable. In hindsight, I was socially akward and immature. I didn't fit in well until mid highschool, and I wonder if that was in part to being the youngest. It could just be how I am.

As a teacher, I often noticed that youngest students, or students who were immature, had problems. Those could be academic problems or social problems, or both. I have a nephew that missed cut off by mere days. He was considered academically advanced, but socially immature. He was put in early, and it seems to have been a mistake. He has struggled for a long time now.

If it were me in your spot, I'd put her in kindergarten only if I were dissatisfied with existing preschool options.

Good luck


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## Quindin (Aug 22, 2003)

Depends on the child.

I HATED being the oldest


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Didn't read the responses.

But...

If you choose a Montessori program, your child can be BOTH (oldst & youngest) , because of the mixed-age classrooms.
But, I'm biased.









If that's not an option, I'd say oldest is better.

I was always MUCH younger than everyone in my class (mom started me in kindy at age 4). I think it made things touger on me, socially, all the way through until college.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

My 6 year old is one of the younger ones in his class. His bday is in March, but several kids in his class are a full year older than him because they repeated kindergarten.

He's done really well. He's quite a bit ahead of most of his class but since he is younger, he's socially younger as well. But we haven't had any issues with it.


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

We were faced with a similar decision when we had not yet made the decision to homeschool. A good friend of mines years before had made the decision to hold back her late summer birthday girl who was very bright. I talked to her about it becasue I was very surprised. IMO she was more than ready for K. Her mom told me it wasn't so much about K but about the fact that she didn't want her leaving for college days after turning. Also there are advantages to having your kid be one of the first ones old enough to drive a car, date, etc. If they are the youngest they are getting into things earlier than they might be otherwise. They grow up so fast as it is! We decided to homeschool, so it became a mute point for us. If we would of sent him to school, I would of held ds1 back and started K at 6. In his DDC on another board there we very few of us that made that decision. None of the ones that did have regretted it. Some of the ones that went ahead and sent them to K have had real struggles. Some have had teachers suggest they repeat K, although none made the decision to do that. They are having stuggles in 1st that I don't believe they would of had if they had started K at 6.
Good luck with your decision. I know it can be a tough one.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

my dd is one of the youngest and ahead ... so there was no way we could have continued her in the ps/dc she was going to while i went to work. she has been doing great. i know if we had been in another state she would have missed the cut off.

having said that .... if i could have put her in some sort of preK program at a ps - that would have been much better than public K. she had a tough year. it was boring and she was v. unhappy. not enough fun activities. hopefully with private you wont face the same issue.

she missed the art, science experiments, music adn dance and just playing and running out in the open. i know i didnt look for that when i was looking for schools, so i had to change her in 1st. i know now at 1st many kids started at a great K program have a better experience and attitude to school. my dd took a lot of time to get there.


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## isaoma (Dec 6, 2006)

It does depend on the child- have you thought about asking your dds their opinion about the subject? I have a 2 year old who was born 1 week before the cutoff, so this is something we will have to struggle with too.

I was the oldest in my class and I hated it. My parents and I decided that I should start school a year early, but a family friend talked my parents out of it. I had the type of personality that even though I was more mature than my classmates and knew many of the answers in class, it didn't make me feel more socially secure in class. I didn't want to be the leader, instead I got bored and disengaged myself from my classmates. I was academically advanced so they had to pull me out of regular classrooms for the enrichment programs. Although I enjoyed the gifted classes, part of me still felt like I was behind and was a failure because no matter how hard I worked in these classes or how well I did, I felt that other kids my age already must be studying these subjects because they were placed in the right grade from the beginning. Anyway, it made for a bad gradeschool experience.

In highschool, all the boys where a year younger than me in my grade so dating didn't seem like an option with them. I tended to date boys older than me (I believe as an over reaction).

Dh was the youngest in his class, but loved it. He did well both academically and socially (in sports).

But, it really does depend on the child's personality. I just wanted to give you a glimpse from someone who hated being held back.


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## GardenStream (Aug 21, 2007)

As most others have said, it does totally depend on the child. My son is only 2yo, but I'm already thinking about this. Due to my experience being one of the youngest in my class, I am leaning toward keeping him at home an extra year.

I was always in the gifted programs, so academically it was fine. Socially it is a little more difficult. I never even noticed that I was younger than everyone else until about 10th grade. That is when it got to be very noticable and I hated it. Everyone else was getting their drivers license and I was still a year away from getting it. It's things like that which make it difficult. All my friends were working in the summer at the local park and having a great time, I couldn't because I was too young. It is also really difficult when everyone else is going to things which were 18 and older only (clubs, weekend trips, voting). It all seems a little silly now, but I hated being left behind because I was too young. At least I turned 18 before college started in September. I cannot imagine how difficult it would have been to still be 17, starting college and living on campus.

My DH was the oldest kid in his class. He is wicked smart, so I'm sure he was held back for social reasons. His mother will tell anyone who will listen that it was the best decision she ever made.

IMO it's harder for a boy to be the youngest than it is for a girl. Girls don't have to worry so much about being the smallest and weakest kid.


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## Keria (Sep 27, 2008)

I was the youngest, I skipped first grade actually, I never struggled with the academics, but boy did I struggled socially not only in elementary but all the way into high school, once i got to college, no way I was prepared for the responsibilities and to take all the freedom that college gives you, so I struggled a lot in the first year flunked a bunch of subjects, once i was mature enough i snapped my self out of it and dedicated myself and got good grades but my GPA is seriously hurt by those first semesters.

I say let the kids be kids, is better for them have an extra year of play, even if you think your 4 yo is ready for K now, not many 16 yo are ready for all the responsibilities of college, academically maybe but there is so much more than that.


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## isaoma (Dec 6, 2006)

Just wanted to add, you might also consider the average age of her classmates. I know it seems obvious that a cutoff is a cutoff, but different areas across the country seem to handle bday cutoffs differently.

My sister's ds was born 1 week after the cutoff date. She decided to hold him back a year which was a good decision because although he is one of the oldest, there are many kids around his age. Whereas my MIL (retired teacher) was suprised that my nephew was only starting the 1st grade because in her home town they tend to start children younger.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Haven't read the other responses so forgive me if this has already been discussed but there is a new book by Malcolm Gladwell that devotes a portion of the book to this very topic. It's called Outliers and there is at least one chapter that I can recall that discusses oldest vs youngest in a class. His studies have shown that it's better to be the oldest. Once I read that chapter, I compared it with my own step-kids. All four of them have been identified as "gifted" in their public school system however 1 of the 4, DSD 9, is not in the top reading group in her class nor has she ever been as far as I can recall. Her other siblings have all been consistantly in the highest reading group and language arts group. Here are the breakdown in birthdays:

DSS 13: January
DSD 11: November
DSD 9: May
DSS 8: December

So as you can see DSS 13, DSD 11 and DSS 8 are some of the oldest kids in their classes. DSD 9 is one of the younger ones in her class.







It may mean something or it may mean nothing.


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## Redheaded_Momma (Nov 8, 2006)

Ds is about 2 weeks shy of our districts cutoff date. We will wait until he is 5, almost 6 to send him to K. I have found in my experience as a school nurse that boys tend to be less ready for K socially if they are the youngest. However, it really depends on the child and the need of the family.


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## mommyoftwo (Apr 6, 2004)

Interesting question because if you asked me years ago I would have said better to hold off then to push a child.

That being said because of my ds and dd's summer birthdays, they have been youngest in their classes. They love school and do very well socially and academically.

Neither one of them would have benefitted from waiting another year.

I think it does just really depend on the child. Our state has become very strict regarding the cut off date and I think some children who would do well in kindergarten are being forced to do preschool another year or find a private option.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

I was always the youngest, at least 10months younger than every one else. It was difficult for me emotionally and very hard for me to make friends. I was really probably the best candidate ever for going to school early, I was ahead of the curve in pretty much everything but when middle school rolled around it was very hard. It got easier in high school.

I would never send any of my children to school early even if they seemed ready.

I was also physically smaller than everyone else which really made for some problems. I really never qualified for any sports because of this, and I was subject to all kinds of getting beat up and shoved in lockers and etc.

Of course my problems were not all because I was the youngest and smallest, but it sure did not help.

I would avoid avoid avoid it. They will always be the youngest, and even if they are on par with older kids now doesn't mean that they'll always be. That's just from my experience, though.

eta: I never had problems academically, I was always one of the smartest, but that is not the only thing that school is about.


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## sarahr (Mar 29, 2007)

I'm very happy to read this thread because I'll face the same decision with my DD (who is only two now, so we have time to decide). In our jurisdiction, she makes the cut-off by a few days. In a neighboring jurisdiction, where she will likely go to pre-school, she misses the cut-off by a couple weeks.

My brother missed the cut-off by 6 days and so was one of the oldest in his class. He was always academically advanced, was insufficiently challenged, and never really fit in with what he felt was the immaturity of his classmates. He ended up graduating a year early, so he was the youngest in his college class, and he was much happier. He has told me that it should be an easy decision -- that of course it's better to be the youngest than the oldest.


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## Carma (Feb 10, 2006)

My husband and I were both early and our two kids are also late summer babies so we are also thinking about it.
I had no problems being the youngest. My husband had a problem when he had to go to highschool (this is in Europe around age 12). He was still too playfull at that time and his parents held him back by putting him in a more limited highschool (not preparation for university) that was smaller. Turned out he was university material though, so he had to work really hard to get to the university level highschool, and he hated that (had to take more lessons than others, etc.). It all worked out but he lost one year, we both got our PhDs on the same day, but I am a year younger than my husband.
One time there was an article in NYT magazine. It said holding back was on average better, because it makes kids more self confident. They don't need to struggle to keep up. But holding back kids that are ready for that level is also not a good idea in my opinion. So I agree it depends on the child a lot also.
I am not sure what we will do. In Europe K starts at 4 (at October 1) so compared to that it already starts late overhere (at 5 at October 1). DD is in daycare right now, so she is used to some kind of school environment already. She is however bilingual, so we'll see.

Carma


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## jen in co (May 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *isaoma* 
Just wanted to add, you might also consider the average age of her classmates. I know it seems obvious that a cutoff is a cutoff, but different areas across the country seem to handle bday cutoffs differently.

This is definitely important. Even within districts, what the population of your specific school chooses to do can vary. Our district has a 10/15 cut-off and I would say most people send their Spring birthdays on time and about 1/2 the people hold their Summer/Fall birthdays back a year. My DD was the youngest in her class (DOB 8/29), but had done three years of play-based preschool and was more than ready to go to K. She started K in the bottom 1/3 academically, finished in the top 1/3 and is now one of the best readers in her 1st grade class. Of the three other kids in her reading group - two are a full year+ older and one is 9 months older. Socially she's also fine...definitely on the young side and a little more prone to cry than some of her peers, but she's doing fine and her closest friends seem to be the older girls. Sports can be a little tough...a lot of cut-offs for teams and leagues are mid-summer, so in order to play with her friends from school, she ends up "playing up" a year. So far we're just doing soccer and it's been fine...she's not super tall for her age (pretty average), but she fits in fine and is able to keep up and contribute just fine on the field.

I was the youngest in my class (9/3 birthday) and it never bothered me in the least. I had friends, did well in sports and was (I guess) pretty popular (ASB Pres, Homecoming Court, etc. -- haven't thought about that stuff in years). Going to college at 17 (not quite 18) was not a big deal to me.

My DH and I spent a long time agonizing about whether or not to send our DD "on time" and we're happy we made the decision we did. Most data driven studies show no benefit to holding a child back. Although b/c this whole "redshirting" phenomena is pretty new and definitely a product of our affluence (lower income folks typically need to work and send their kids on time vs. paying for another year of pre-K/daycare) you could argue more studies need to be done.

Here's a link to a PDF file of a summary of studies on this

http://journal.naeyc.org/btj/200309/DelayingKEntry.pdf


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## mazajo (Nov 3, 2004)

I don't think the actual age matters at all; it should be purely based on how mature the child is and where they are academically.

I had a DS turn 5 in July, and a DS turn 5 in August. They were both well before the cutoff date, but with both of them, their preschool teachers urged me to wait a year just so they wouldn't be the youngest in their classes. I went ahead and enrolled them both in kindergarten that year, when they had just turned five.

My older DS did GREAT. He fit right in with the other (older!) kids in his class, and was always academically ahead. I am so glad I didn't keep him back a year!

My younger DS was a different story. Academically he did fine, but he was very immature for his age, and struggled socially. I ended up having him repeat 2nd grade, and he's now in 7th and he STILL has social problems and he is STILL resentful at me for holding him back in 2nd grade. I wish I had started him in kindy a year later, but I know that he would have had problems anyway; he's got problems that have nothing to do with when he started school.

It depends on the child, and I think you generally know what is best for your own child, and just don't let anybody pressure you either way.


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## momma4fun (Jan 23, 2007)

i was the youngest and hated it

while i was ahead academically, i was behind socially and emotionally for the entire 12 grades


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

I was the youngest. I also "matured" faster than most of my classmates, so I was 9 in 4th grade with period, so youngest and less mature don't go hand in hand. I was "advance" academically and any social problems I had were more about me and my unwillingness to conform than my age.

So I was the youngest and its wasn't a problems for me.


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## Hazelnut (Sep 14, 2005)

I hated being the youngest and do think it put me at a huge disadvantage in all aspects. My preschool teacher had told my mom I was ready, but I was a shy kid and this just made it worse. My middle child will be young and it's hard not to want to hold him back. OTOH, my youngest was two days after the cut off and he will be so old! But I think that's a good thing.

At the early ages there is such a world of difference between kids' abilities.


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

2 quick comments --

I second reading the Malcolm Gladwell chapter in Outliers. Our friend, who is a History Prof., has been talking about that book since we gave it to him for Christmas. (and he reads several books a week - this one seems significant to him)

And, if you keep the child out a year, that's another year to save toward college (if that is important to you).


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## *Jessica* (Jun 10, 2004)

This is something I've started to give a lot of thought to. We had planned to homeschool, but I've discovered that I can't spend that much time with my kids and stay sane.









My oldest son turned 5 in October. I believe in NY the cut-off date is December 1st, so he could be in K right now. But because of his birth date and the fact that he had never experienced a school setting we decided to enroll him in a part time preschool this year and send him off to K next school year, when he will be just about to turn 6. That decision was easy. (But I _am_ terrified of next year when he'll go from a 2 or 3 hour preschool day 3 days a week to full day K!)

The reason I have been giving this a lot of thought is my youngest son. He turned 3 on July 28th. I would like to hold him back from K until after he has turned 6, but I'm not sure how it would work. Right now he attends the same preschool his big brother does. Next year he will be 4 and attend UPK at the local elementary school. But what would I do the year he is 5 if he doesn't go on to K? The NY guidelines state that a child age-eligible to attend K is not eligible for UPK. Does that mean I would have to put him back in a private preschool the year he is 5? That sounds like such a pain, and so rediculous! And maybe he wil be ready for K at age 5 and it will be a moot point, but I want to be prepared for if it's not. Any thoughts?


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

I was always the youngest in school, and it didn't make much difference to me. I was always at the top of my classes academically. I did have some experience in mixed-age classrooms in the early grades, so maybe that helped. I was a bit shy as a kid, but I don't think it had anything to do with being youngest. I was already bored at school--I think I would have been incredibly bored if my parents had held me back another year.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

I have both situations with my children. My son is a January birthday so he misses the cutoff by one 18 days (in Ontario the cutoff is December 31). He is the oldest in his class. For him that's a really good thing. He wouldn't have been ready earlier and he is always more slow and cautious about things. We homeschooled until this year so he started in second grade and no way would he have been ready earlier. On the other hand my daughter is a November birthday so she is the youngest in her class. She would have been 3 turning 4 starting junior kindergarten but we didn't start until this year so she is in first grade. She started 1st grade when she was 5 and just turned 6 and she would be horribly insulted if I were to have suggest she be in Kindergarten at 6 years of age. She is ready for harder work and she has the social skills. So for her holding her back would have been detrimental. My youngest child is a January birthday again so she will be the oldest in her class, and again, for her personality that is probably a good thing.

Just wondering why did you not post this in Learning at School?


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## crl (May 9, 2004)

We've opted for oldest. DS is special needs (ADHD and anxiety disorder) so that definitely plays into our decision. DS is doing his extra year of preschool right now.

We've moved but where we were living when we made the decision it was quite common to hold summer boys back, so he would not have been the only older boy in his class.

We talked to everyone--family members who are teachers, family members who have made this choice, DS' teachers, etc. The advice was mixed. (Family mostly saying keep him back, teachers saying send him on--but I did not like/trust his teachers that year. . . .)

My brother was held back and in my mother's view benefited greatly from it. She felt that he was socially and emotionally immature and the extra year was very helpful for him. I asked him about it and he had obviously not given it much thought. He was very clear that it never bothered him in the slightest to be the oldest--he didn't remember it ever being an issue at all. And we moved a lot so he went to a lot of different schools. . . .

Something that I heard a lot was that some "young" kids do well for the first three or four years of school and then struggle either socially or academically. And at that point it is much harder to hold them back.

I felt like this was our last chance to give DS a bit of extra time and that it was unlikely to hurt him. We had no pressing reason he needed to go to school. (I'm a SAHM and he's an only child.) So we've kept him back. I don't know how it will play out in the long run, but for now I think it was a good decision. DS has matured considerably and gained some skills in the last 6 months or so that will serve him well in kindergarten.

Good luck with your decision!
Catherine


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## RufusBeans (Mar 1, 2004)

This topic is near and dear to my heart.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trinity6232000* 
Plus my dd tends to be a leader in situations when others are younger, and quite the follower if the others are older.

This describes my dd to a T. She has a spring birthday, but is on the small side. She is in her 2nd year of preschool, and is not enjoying this year at all because the girls give her a hard time and tell her she's not 'big' enough to be their friend.

I worry though because she is above average with her skills, and that later on she would hate me (would kids always asked her which grade she flunked?) that I made her feel stupid or that she developed before anyone else?

watching this thread.


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## ProtoLawyer (Apr 16, 2007)

You mentioned your daughter was already in preschool. Would she stay there for another year?

My stepdaughter tested into K5 early. She would have gone absolutely bonkers being in preschool another year. (She'd been in full-day care for nearly her entire life, so going to K5 wasn't a sudden transition from full-time Mom with two hours of preschool twice a week--it was really just a change in schools and a major reduction in costs.)

So far, she's more than keeping up academically and socially (she's in first grade now).

I was among the youngest in my class, and excelled (this was before the days of "red-shirting," though--it was never considered that I would have been held back--my mom said if I had been born a few weeks later, after the deadline, she would have had me tested for early entry). I was socially inept during puberty, but I don't think that had anything to do with school. I probably would have been super-happy if I could have skipped a few grades and gone to college at 15 (as even now, most of my friends are older). But that's just me.


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## runnerbrit (May 24, 2006)

I was the youngest in my class. It was fine academically and all through elemenatry it was fine socially as well. But between 7th and 11th grades it was very difficult. I did better at academics then 90% of my classmates but did not have the same ability to 'banter' the way they did. Things did not level out for me until my Senior year; but even then I did not turn 18 until 5 months into my first year of college and looking back I think that affected many of the choices I made.

So, I think it would be better to be the oldest. If the child gets bored etc. you can always move them up a grade; whereas holding a child back has a stigma attached.


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## texmama (Jun 4, 2005)

I was the youngest in my class, late August birthday. I had a hard time academically, I just was not ready for school when I started, despite having 2 years of preschool. It wasn't until high school, when I felt on level with the rest of the class (this was only after going to a private middle school and receiving a superior education).

So, if it were me in the same situation, I'd hold my kids back and have them start older - but that is solely based on my own experience.


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## SiValleySteph (Feb 26, 2003)

I was one of the youngest in my class with a summer birthday and it didn't really affect me at all. I was always one of the top students in every school I was in. I can't see how there would have been any advantage in holding me back a year.

My son will be one of the youngest with a September birthday. Here the cutoff is December 1st. I WOH, so I can't really justify an entire year more of childcare when he is ready to start school. He enjoys socializing with older kids. We also have a large Asian/Indian population here and it is more likely to advance your kids a year rather than hold them back in those cultures.

That said, my son's school will be primarily white so there may be more "red-shirting" in that environment. I'll ask at my school tour.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I've dealt with this twice- my oldest daughter's birthday is in early December and my son's birthday is in mid November.

I held my oldest back a year, because at 4 3/4 she wasn't QUITE ready for kindergarten. This was definitely the right thing for her in the early grades, but as she got older she started getting bored/not stimulated in school. Fortunately, by that point the school offered a Gifted Program, and by the time she was significantly bored in school she was in Middle School and, had she gone back to the same school this year (instead of homeschooling) she would have been in the Honors classes. And frankly, at that point, I think she would have been bored in "regular" classes even if she'd been a grade level ahead.

DS started kindergarten around the time DD was first dealing with boredom in school, so I pushed him ahead into kindergarten when he was 4 3/4. He *seeme*d ready. He was certainly ready for preschool at 2 3/4. Actually, after kindergarten in one school (that closed after that year) my choices were to have him repeat kindergarten in the new school or move into first grade (with 2-3 of the same kids he went to K with, and a lot of his preschool classmates.)

But he had a lot of trouble in first grade, that was directly related to immaturity. His hands just weren't ready to do all that writing. The problems continued during the beginning of 2nd grade (of course, missing a month of school due to illness was a huge factor too.) He seems to be doing OK now, he's starting to catch up to his peers- but this has all been harder on him than it had to be. If I had the chance to do things over, I would have started kindergarten a year later, or had him repeat kindergarten in the new school.

In general, if you're in doubt, keep the kids back rather than pushing them forward.


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## texmama (Jun 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *runnerbrit* 
If the child gets bored etc. you can always move them up a grade; whereas holding a child back has a stigma attached.









: I just remembered that after first grade, my parents were faced with either holding me back or hiring a tutor for me, I remember begging my parents for a tutor rather than having them hold me back - even in first grade I was aware of the stigma of "failing a grade".


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

I would say it is better to be the oldest, in general. My brother was the youngest and hated it. He felt like he was always struggling to keep up socially, physically and academically. We are a big sports family and he feels like being youngest really hindered him. He is a big, tall guy and probably would have done a lot better if held back a year. He vows he will never to do that to his child. My son missed the cutoff, but was in private school so we let him go into kindy at 4 1/2. By first grade, his teacher (who we loved), said he was doing average academically, but socially she was worried about him. She said a lot of problems don't show up until high school and then it is too late to hold them back. So we held him back in first grade and he blossomed and is thankful to us for doing it, even though it was so hard at the time. In cases like this, I say better safe than sorry years down the line. Good luck!


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## tankgirl136 (Dec 13, 2008)

I have to agree it depends on the child.

My sister and I are very different people, my parents pushed to get her into school early even though she was just beyond the cut off. Myself I was before the cutoff but still close to the date.

My sister did very well educationally, in most years of school, but socially she was always seriously behind.

I did ok educationally, but often found the work boring (it was later decided I should have been moved ahead, but no one want to do that at a risk of my social ability), but socially I was very ahead. I was a leader, I did well with my peers and rarely felt left out by my age. Though it was odd spending the first few months of college as a 17 year old. I am very happy that my parents did not hold me back.

My DH on the other hand moved from a state that started school at 6 for a Dec. birthday and he was always the oldest. While he has always been very mature he got a lot of grief in school about being the oldest when he moved to a different state that started younger. He did not like many aspects of being the oldest and wishes his parents had been able to start him earlier.

I think you have to look at the child. While my sister was very smart she was always a follower and was behind socially in many ways. If my child had her personality I would have held her back. If my child ends up with my DH's or my personaility I would want them to start "on time".


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I can't speak from a parents side because my girls are too young for school but I can speak from a personal side. I was always the youngest in my class. When I was in elementry school it didn't really matter, I meshed in with the other kids no problem. However, because of a series of events I went into home school and completed two grades in under a year. I ended up going to high school at 12 and it was one of the worst experiences in my life. I was pretty much treated like a freak because I was at least two years younger than all of my classmates. The only way I had anyone who would talk to me even was if I hung out with my older brothers. If I didn't have brothers in school with me I would have probably been alone until I was a junior and a little more "normal" to others.
I graduated at 16 and the problems continued when I was in college. I couldn't apply for some scholarships because of my age, I couldn't find a job because of my age (no one wanted to hire a 16 year old), I had problems with teachers because they thought I was too young for college. The list could go on. I would have rather been older


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## caitryn (Aug 18, 2005)

This is a decision we are going to be faced with. At the moment, my husband and I are pretty set on homeschooling, but we also acknowledge that things could change. (DS is only a week away from being 5 months old.) We figure we have time to come to a final decision.

Still, my son was born on August 18. That is the day classes opened up again for most the area schools. Being from Mississippi, one of my first thoughts was that not only would he be getting a new school year for his birthday every year, but he would be one of the youngest in his class (Sept. 1 cut-off date). I then looked up information about Missouri, where we're currently living, and discovered that the cut-off date was changed to Aug. 1 for this state which would have him turning 6 instead of 5 on the day he starts school (if he goes to public).

It's still too early to tell if he's going to try to be ahead of the game, average, or a slow-learner. We will see. From personal experience, though, it did not seem to matter if I was in the oldest group or youngest group. With an October birthday, I was one of the older kids. That being said, I still hit puberty early, making me the first girl to experience the full monthly cycle in my class. I was picked on for at least a year or two while the rest waited for their turn. By senior year, though, things were great because I hit 18 before most of my class and could do things that others couldn't (like handle my own money rather than give it to a chaperon on school trips).

Due to the lack of money for a car, I was still one of the last to get a driver's license. I was still riding the school bus up till the day I graduated. The youngest of the class had their own cars.

Even with the early birthday, I still wasn't the oldest most years because of the students who had failed the previous year(s). In one school I attended, the youngest was a year behind us because she came from a state with a later cut-off date.

My point in all this is that it ultimately depends on if the child appears ready to go to school. The birthday doesn't seem to matter so much in the long run because, regardless of how we plan, children develop in different ways. Sometimes the oldest kids are late bloomers and, therefore, are physically behind the younger kids. Sometimes rules in different states conflict. Sometimes you have grade failures to worry about. There's also the fact that financial standing can have a great deal to do with what a kid eventually gets into or doesn't. With all those factors, physical age doesn't seem, to me, to play as big a role as one might think.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Janelle is close to the oldest, she missed the cutoff for our district last year by 4 days, and then they adjusted the cut off this year so she would of made it....

Anyway, it's been great for her.


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## unlegal (Feb 18, 2005)

I missed the cut off to start K by 2 days, so I went when I was 6. I really didn't notice much of a difference growing up and being older than everyone. Most of my friends were a 6 months to a year younger than me.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

When I started school, I was younger. I was advanced academically, but I really struggled with the classroom setting, and I was held back. The whole situation gave me school related issues for years.

I think we push kids to start school too early. There are good reasons that formal education used to be started at age 6, and I'm not convinced that kindergarten programs were a great brainwave. I've been really interested in the Finnish system, which has the best school results in Europe - they don't send them to school until they are 7, and they only go for half days for several years.


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