# Has anyone's kid got a piercing/tattoo without asking?



## Oriole

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. I guess it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. She is 16. And she should have asked. And we have a whole another set of issues to resolve besides these huge gauges in her ears that appeared "out of nowhere".

On another hand, I know that we'll be looking back at this one as one of the great Thanksgiving stories for the grandkids some day... I know that it is her body and her decisions, and 16 is about old enough. I know that this independence and growing up is coming our way like a fast train. I just wish it came from the inside first and then on the outside, yk?

Anyway. Did your kids ever make any drastic changed to their body without your consultation? Did YOU ever do that in your teenage years? How did you/your parents react?


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## MusicianDad

I got a pierced ear without asking when I was a teen. My mom sorta went a bit overboard before she realized it's _just_ a piercing and at least I didn't go and, like, cut my ear off or anything. My dad didn't notice for about a year and just asked a casual "when did that happen?"

DD once spent a week with my mom and came home with purple bangs. DH and I just took it in stride. At the very least she's old enough to decide on hair colour. She hasn't done anything more drastic then that yet though.


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## Irishmommy

I came home at 12 with pierced ears. But that was a normal piercing. Dd, 15, hasn't done anything like that yet, but she says she wants a tattoo. Better a tattoo than those godawful huge holes in the lobes that people are doing.

She's getting neither, btw.









What did your dd do?


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## ArielMomma

DD got a tongue ring and belly ring without asking. I didn't really care though. There are much worse things she could have done. A friend of mine has a daughter who came home with a very large homemade tramp stamp which reads, "F*** THE HATERS."

If my daughter gets stuff done #1 in good taste and #2 professionally, then I'm not going to raise a fuss. It is her body.


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## Dar

My kid has a tattoo design all picked out, but we figured that getting one right before leaving town wasn't a good idea... especially when going to Russia, since they were being sort of crazy about stuff like HIV tests. She wanted one earlier and we went to a couple places to look into it but they wouldn't do it because she was too young... 13, I think? But she'll be 17 when she gets back so if I go with her it shouldn't be a problem.

I'd have more of an issue with her going behind my back, since here that would mean the tattoo place was breaking the law, and IME high-quality tattoo places are usually not going to do that... and if a place is willing to break that law, I would wonder what other laws they might be breaking. Especially since I'd be willing to go with her... if she did it without me and illegally I think that would just be stupid.


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## littleteapot

Just a note: stretched ears, even 'huge' ones, can be reversed as long as you go slowly and carefully. They may never close up completely but plenty of people go back down to a 'normal' size.

I'm a 0g myself.


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## EFmom

If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.


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## SuzyLee

I got my belly button pierced when I turned 18, behind my mom's back. I thought she wouldn't approve even though I was legally old enough to do it without permission.

She of course ended up seeing it and just rolled her eyes that I had done it in secret.


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## Kirsten

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ArielMomma* 
DD got a tongue ring and belly ring without asking. A friend of mine has a daughter who came home with a very large homemade tramp stamp which reads, "F*** THE HATERS."

If my daughter gets stuff done #1 in good taste and #2 professionally, then I'm not going to raise a fuss. It is her body.

But how old are these girls? Under 18 and I would have come completely unhinged.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.

I am very "no tattoos or piercings other than the one set of traditional ones in your ears until you are 18" but I consider kids in college to be "on my dime" but also legal adults (though I don't really consider 18, 19, 20 year old kids to be adults but that is another thread) so I would be disappointed but not mad if they did that once they were 18. Under 18 - LIVID. No car, no cell phone, no iPod, no allowance.

I would ABSOLUTELY be filing charges against whoever did that to my kid when she was under 18! OP, did your dd lie or someone else said they were you or do you not need parental sign off or any certain age to get your ears gauged?


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## EFmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
I am very "no tattoos or piercings other than the one set of traditional ones in your ears until you are 18" but I consider kids in college to be "on my dime" but also legal adults (though I don't really consider 18, 19, 20 year old kids to be adults but that is another thread) so I would be disappointed but not mad if they did that once they were 18.

In my case, I also consider college kids to be on my dime, as we will be paying for college. When they are self-supporting, they can do as they please. But if I'm supporting them, fuggetaboutit. If they choose to get tattooed or additionally pierced while in college, they will find themselves abruptly off my dime.


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## Labbemama

DD asked me if she can get her "monroe" upper lip pierced. I really don't mind. So we have a deal that if she ends self-harming behavior by Christmas I will take her to get it pierced professionally. At this point she is into carving words into her body and getting therapy. So purple hair and a lip ring are the least of my worries. She is 16 1/2


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## AidansMommy1012

I've always loved tattoos, but I didn't get any until I was 18 and in college. I called my sister (younger than me, so still at home) in great excitement after I got my first and got a very nonchalant "Oh, we all figured you'd get one eventually" in response. I'm 25 now and have a half sleeve on my left arm, my husband's initials on my hip, and a full back piece that runs the length of my spine. My mom occasionally asks nervously if I plan on getting more. Piercings are another story; for some reason I've never, never liked piercings and have never had any desire for one. My ears aren't even pierced.

My kids are all still quite young, but they're familiar with tattoos (DH has a few as well); they seem to think that everyone has a tattoo, and really, many people do now. It doesn't mean anything negative about them (unless we're talking gang tattoos or something). All that said, if they want tattoos, they need to wait until they're at least 18. It really is something you carry with you forever; they need to be certain about what they want and not be going with something trendy that's they'll regret in a couple of years.


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## yogachick79

(((hugs))) it will be okay.

I was a very rebellious teenager and had three tattoos by the time I turned 18, my 4th I got shortly after and NONE of them were done at a shop unfortunately. I am VERY VERY open with my eldest DD about what I had to go through. I had a huge lower back tattoo (not tramp stamp thank you) that turned out very badly, spent two years removing it enough to have a beautiful piece put over it. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced, and she was old enough to know how badly I was hurting after each session. Additionally, I've gotten several more as an adult, and DH is tattooed. Our rule is talk to us first. We're not going to say no outright, we just want to help guide you so that you don't have the regrets that I do with a few of mine.

ETA: Oh, and yeah, my parents freaked the ____ out. I was 15 for my first 16, for the second and 17 for the 3rd. Not to mention I went to an all girls private Catholic school that had a no tattoo policy, and they almost got me expelled despite the fact they were all hidden by my uniform.


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## GoBecGo

I pierced my own bellybutton with a darning needle and an ice cube when i was 15. Unfortunately when i was trying to force the sleeper in i fainted.

I dyed my waist-length blonde hair cerise when i was 15 and my mum looked at me and said "wow!" that was it. It was traffic stopping for a few days, but then it began to wash out and was just dirty-pink for weeks!

My DD is only 3.5, so no issues so far (unless you count the relentless drawins she does on her body every day), but so long as she'd talked to me about it i wouldn't be too worried about peircings. Tattoo's i think i'd counsel her to wait and think on it, and then start small so having things covered/removed is less horrific if she decides she doesn't like it. I am looking forward to getting my tattoo which i have been planning for years, once i am done having babies (it's going somewhat on my midriff).


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## fairymom

Last holiday season my dd16 pierced her own lip w/o asking- we didn't notice it till we were at my mom's for diner! I was upset at the time but over it now- it is her body and she's old enough to make some of those decisions herself. Just wish we had been clued in!


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## Labbemama

Yeah my sister did her own bellybutton. My mom made her take it out and she re-did it and it got awful infected and was a huge mess. If they are gonna do it anyways I want to take them to a reputable and sterile place.

DD wants to DESIGN tattoos for people. She did one for a kid at her high school and now I'm curious how the tatoo artists translation turned out.

My problems is I can't imagine wanting anything for life.


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## philomom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.

I'm so with you on this!


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## PoppyMama

No tattoos until 18 unless it was a design I felt could stand the test of time and there was a reputable tattoo artist willing to do it. Neither of those are likely to happen. Piercings I'm fine with as long as they aren't "for life" who know what my kids could end up being like as adults. FIW my dh is a piercer and I have scalpel'd ears, nose ring, and a surface bar in my forehead.

Oriole- when you say huge what do you mean? When people stretch up their ears it takes a long time so I don't see how she could have huge holes all of the sudden. If someone scalpel'd her ears without parental permission I would be horrified and worried that the person who did it was not professional at all.


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## amynbebes

My 14 yr old has about 4 new holes in her ears and I more scolded her on how unsanitary it is to pierce yourself in the way that she was doing it. She's gauging her ears now but had to ask about that since I have to buy the gauges for her. I don't care that she has ear piercings though. I pierced my own eyebrow when I was about 16, came home from school and my mom literally screamed until I removed it. I got it professionally done at 18


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## enkmom

What would I have done? Probably rant and rave a little bit and then let it go - what's done is done, and there are worse things to do. The tattoo shops here are hyper-vigilant about checking ID's, so a tattoo wouldn't have happened.

My adult daughter did keep me in the dark about a piercing once. She had her nose pierced, with my permission, on her 17th birthday. She got an infection and a keloid, and had to have a steroid shot in her nose - OUCH! Her nose looked like it was rotting for about 6 weeks. On her 19th birthday, while away at school, she had it done again. She called me about 2 weeks after the fact because she had another infection and another keloid. She didn't tell me before hand because she "knew I would just try to talk her out of it".

I tried to ground a kid for life once. It just made that kid into a kid with nothing to lose - scary stuff.


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## Oriole

Well, here is what happened over here...

About couple of weeks ago dsd pierced her ear (a regular second piercing) while at her friend's. She never told us. DP noticed it, and had an easy talk "if you are going to do something like this in the future, please discuss, okay? okay."

Last week she went to work at the mall, and when we stopped by to visit and just to say hello she had gauges in her ears. DP didn't even bring it up until after work. He very calmly offered her two options: to lose her job as she obviously using the money to do things behind our back, or to take out the gauges.

Well, dsd still has her job.


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## mum06

I'm loving this thread. As a teenager (15) I double pierced my ears without permission. My parents freaked out. So I did it again and again and again until I had five piercings in one ear and six in the other. And when I was 17 and the ear piercing thing was old news and my mom was bugging me about school pictures, I pierced my eyebrow (which only lasted through school pictures). And at 19 I pierced my nose (which got infected and ugly and didn't last much longer after that. All because it made my parents mad.

So when my teenagers (stepdaughters) were interested in the whole piercing thing I showed them my ugly old-lady ears with ugly holes in them. I showed them the scar by my eyebrow. When I caught my 13 with a home made belly button ring, we made her take it out (I can't remember how we enforced this though. Regular belly button checks?) and handed her the tube of neosporin, explaining how deep puncture wounds are hard to heal.

My husband has tatoos that he got in his late 20's. He always told his daughters the spiritual significance of his tatoos. And I always pointed out how ugly tatoos are on old people. I told them stories of a gal I knew that got a cute sun on her abdomen. And then she had a baby and the sun looked like a deflated balloon.

Another strategy DH and I used was to talk about something in front of the girls, but not to them. Like, "Know what I saw today?" or "I knew someone in college who..." or "I had lots of friends that did XYZ, but I didn't because one day I saw an old lady who..."

When one daughter was 18 and supporting herself, she pierced her nose. My husband immediately disowned her and said she would never be welcomed in his house again. After he calmed down he only embarassed her by having her little brother hand her a bandaid for her yucky nose. When the other daughter was 19 and supporting herself, she got a tattoo on her foot; a place that wouldn't stretch with age and that could be hidden under socks. So we certainly didn't keep them from piercing or tatooing, but at least they put a lot of thought into what they did...but not because they wanted to please/displease us, but because they considered their VANITY! Hahaha!


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## mystiquesmom

I had my ears pierced a bunch before I turned 18, but left the navel, tongue, nipples, and nose until after I turned 18. Boy, my parents were not happy about that at all(any of them). They still don't know about my tattoo, and I'm 34.









My DS's are still small, but I plan on not making it a huge deal if they want to get something done, as long is it's tasteful and done by a professional. Tattoos I would make them wait for a little while to see if they still like it after a long time frame. It's their body.


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## mangopassion

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ArielMomma* 
A friend of mine has a daughter who came home with a very large homemade tramp stamp which reads, "F*** THE HATERS."









If either of my underage children got a tattoo like this I would immediately take them to start the removal process. The pain of getting the tattoo removed would just be a circumstance of what they've done.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AidansMommy1012* 
I've always loved tattoos ...

It doesn't mean anything negative about them (unless we're talking gang tattoos or something). All that said, if they want tattoos, they need to wait until they're at least 18. It really is something you carry with you forever; they need to be certain about what they want and not be going with something trendy that's they'll regret in a couple of years.

I've always liked tattoos, too. I have one and plan on getting at least two more. For me, they have to be in discreet places and you'd have to know me pretty darn well to ever see them.







But that's just me. I have no problem seeing others' tattoos.

PeachyPapa and I have discussed that we would like our children to be _at least_ 18 before getting a tattoo because of the "forever factor" and we don't want them haphazardly picking out a tattoo because it's trendy.

Ear piercings -- CherryPie got hers done when she was 3 months old. I don't mind her piercing her ears more, but I don't think I'd let her do the big holes in her lobes. PeachyPapa and I have also discussed this and agree that she cannot get her belly button pierced until she's at least 16. Maybe her eyebrow or nose when she's 15? As long as they are tastefully done.

PeachyPapa's little cousin got her spine (back of the neck) pierced! I had never even heard of this until I saw hers. I have to admit, it's very pretty, especially on someone like her. It's just one little diamond stud at the base of her neck. I think it's called microdermal implant piercing.

I was trying to find a photo of a spinal piercing (the tasteful kind like the above mentioned), but I found this instead. BEWARE: It's kind of gross!


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## KaylaBeanie

Tattoos and piercings were battles my parents didn't want to fight. The compromise was that we go to reputable shops after a lot of thought, and they would sign for us. My sister incidentally is 16, with no tattoos, no piercings, and no plans to ever get even her ears pierced. I got my belly button pierced at 16, my first tattoo at 17, my ears double pierced at 17, my tragus at 17 as a graduation present, my second tattoo as an early 18th birthday present, my nose right after turning 18(took it out a week later), my nose again shortly before turning 19(took it out again), added onto my first tattoo a month before turning 19, my third tattoo at 19, and my rook a week before my 20th birthday as a present from my grandma. My parents are fine with what I have, though they prefer me to hold off on more tattoos for now.

My kids will grow up with a respect for safe and elective body modification. Since guns are dangerous for ear piercing, my kids won't have pierced ears until at least age 12, the age most piercing shops will do lobes. At age 16, I'd be willing to sign for most piercings. The only thing I have little patience for is stretched ears...I'm not a fan, so my kids would need to wait until they're 18. Tattoos, that depends. I love my tattoos, I'm happy I have them. It would depend on the maturity of my child and the type and location of design. Once they're 18, whether I'm paying for their college or not, they have the choice what to do with their bodies piercing and tattoo-wise.

However, it's a known fact that kids are hideously embarrassed by anything their parents do. So, given the fact I'm pierced and tattooed, I'm counting on my kids thinking I'm the most awkward weirdo ever, and never getting tattoos or piercings


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## Happiestever

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
If my child got a piercing or a tattoo without my permission they would be grounded for life.

We have a no-tattoos until you are off our dime policy.

We are crystal clear about it.

I would also look into prosecution to the full extent of the law for whoever committed the act if it were, for example, tattooing a minor, which is illegal in my state.

This reminds me of a girl I knew who was pregnant at 16/17. We were talking about random stuff and I noticed she didn't have her ears pierced. She then told me "My dad would kill me" I laughed to myself, because here she was pregnant and still in high school, but afraid of her dad's reaction to a piercing. Talk about priorities.

I do like this policy though, and being clear about your expectations really does help. Though I got my piercing and tattoos at 17 w/o telling my mom. She was more upset about the tongue than the tattoo. Or maybe I hadn't done that yet (or at least she hadn't seen it)? Kids! Sometimes we just have to make our own mistakes. In the grand scheme of things, piercing or tattoos (at least tasteful ones) are really not as bad as drugs or drinking and driving, so I may have to chalk it up to life experiences.


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## lorijds

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dar* 

I'd have more of an issue with her going behind my back, since here that would mean the tattoo place was breaking the law, and IME high-quality tattoo places are usually not going to do that... and if a place is willing to break that law, I would wonder what other laws they might be breaking. Especially since I'd be willing to go with her... if she did it without me and illegally I think that would just be stupid.

This.

We've discussed this quite a bit at our house. I have three tattoos and ear piercings, DH has no tattoos or piercings. Many of our friends have full sleeves, multiple piercings, gauges, whatever. I will continue to add to my tattoos, probably my entire life.

Our children know our expectations. Nothing unsafe or completely stupid, basically. It's not a power or judgement issue, it's an issue of concern for their safety. Any body modification has inherent health risks, some more than others. Any place that is willing to perform body modification illegally is doing other things illegally. I've also pointed out examples of homemade/poor quality modifications, in an effort to help my kids understand that a body modification is forever, and you get what you pay for. It's only smart to save up to have the best in your area do your piercing or tattooing.

My teens know that mouth piercings are the one thing that is absolutely not allowed in our house, and if they decide to get one not only will I be completely, outrageously pi$$ed off, but they better have their own health and dental insurance by then. We put 5K of orthodontics into each of their mouths. There is no way they are going to eff that up for a piercing. Before they got the work done, we discussed it, and they agreed to it. Mouth piercings have a high rate of infection and complications (hello, permanent nerve damage), they cause a variety of dental issues, and we (in the health care industry) are seeing an increasing number of pts who have to have surgery or treatment for swallowing or aspirating part of the piercing jewelry. Our daughters know that our stance on this has nothing to do with whether we like or dislike the mouth piercings, it's about safety. In my professional opinion, mouth piercings are not worth the health risk; and as I pay their health insurance and am morally, ethically, and legally responsible for their health at this point in their lives, those types of body modifications are the only type that are flat out forbidden.

And I would disagree with the previous poster who says that old tattoos are ugly. I love to see old tattoos on my patients. They are beautiful, just like scars, saggy breasts, wrinkles, "sunspots" and other signs of aging. They represent a long life, fully and interestingly lived, with hopes, dreams, joy, tears, and disappointments.


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## jocelyndale

My biggest concern would be the place where the mod was done. Is it clean? A reputable place generally won't modify a minor without a parent present. So did she lie or did they not check? And if I at all suspected that the place wasn't reputable or clean, my kid would be heading to the doc for a nice round of bloodwork.

I trust a couple place in town, but there's one I don't trust at all.


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## Bea

I went into town at aged 13 and got my ears pierced and waited for the excrement to hit the fan when I got home...I'd been told 'no' previously.

The outcome? Two weeks later both my sisters got their ears pierced and about a month later my mum did.










I developed a habit of piercing my left ear (I'm right handed) periodically when I was bored as a teen and wanted to add to my 'look'.

I'm now a 38 year old, perfectly normal person who you wouldn't look at twice in the street (well except for the perforated left ear if you look closely).


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## Mountaingirl79

I was also a teen who had piercings and tattoos by the age of 18. I have 7 total holes in my ears ( still there, but I dont normally wear earrings anymore...go figure...) one of them in the cartilage. I had my tongue pierced when I was 17, and took it out to close up when I was 21.( I never had any dental problems due to the piercing actually,and I found it to be a very easy to maintain piercing, also it closed up the same day i decided to take it out...easy peasy...) I have a tattoo on my leg that I got by a friend when I was also 17.
My parents did flip out and I was one of those kids who was grounded for life. I agree with the PP that it just made me feel like I had nothing to lose. What were they going to take away next? My birthday? LOL

Now that I am 30 years old, none of that matters anymore. I am a completely average looking adult.







Whatever that means.









When or if my boys want tattoos or piercings, I will have a long talk about cleanliness and taking care of it...then I will happily sign and hold their hand while they get it done.

I say pick your battles....this is not one I will fight.


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## mommaof3boz

I am curious for those of you who are adamently against the tattoos and piercing how old are your kids?


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## EFmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommaof3boz* 
I am curious for those of you who are adamently against the tattoos and piercing how old are your kids?

Mine are 12 and 9. The twelve year old has her ears pierced (once) and she just had that done a few months ago. The nine year old would like to have her ears pierced, but may not until she turns 12.

My kids dislike additional piercings and tattoos almost as much as I do, and I certainly hope it stays that way.


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## mommaof3boz

I am curious how you determined age 12. I swear I'm not trying to flame anyone. I have all boys and the ear piercing is much less of an issue. My oldest wanted his done for his 13th birthday. Took him to a reputable place and had it done. After six months he was over it, took it out and let it close. Can't tell where it was at all.

We've had a few discussions about tattoos. I have told them I won't sign for it, they have to wait til they are 18 and make their own decision. After that it is totally up to them. Even if they are in college and I'm paying for it. If they are old enough to vote and serve in the military they can make their own decisions on piercing and tattoos.

Our talks have been positive. Since we live in a rural area they all feel like they would like a tattoo but only where it can be covered for work/job interviews ie upper arm, back. They are not at all interested in facial piercings.

Once they are mobile with their own cars etc you just don't have the control anymore. You can talk to them but ultimately if they want one bad enough they'll get one. I would never scream and shout and punish over it. I'd let them know I didn't think it was the best decision. If I go crazy over a piercing or something what would happen if they wanted to tell me their girlfriend was pregnant or something really important? probably they wouldn't feel comfortable coming to me.

I am shocked to be honest with the ones that said if their kid were in college and they were paying theyd be furious about it. Really? Good student, no arrests, no drugs, just one tattoo? Really?


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## SarahElizabeth

My mother paid for my first "non-normal" piercing (labret) when i was 14. At 15 me and a friend swung by the parlour and i got my eyebrow pierced. At 18, again on a whim, i got my nose pierced.

My parents did not give a hoot. I got them done professionally, it was my body, and my mother figured i'd end up that way - she's a pierced, tattooed mama herself.







No tattoos for me, though. The piercings no longer remain, either. To look at me now, you'd never guess i was all for facial piercings in my teens.


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## EFmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommaof3boz* 
I am curious how you determined age 12.
I am shocked to be honest with the ones that said if their kid were in college and they were paying theyd be furious about it. Really? Good student, no arrests, no drugs, just one tattoo? Really?

Twelve seemed like a reasonable age to me for the ear piercing because it's a right of passage on entering jr. high, and it's an age where the child can take care of the piercing and is old enough to fully understand the process.

And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves. We are, and have been, crystal clear about this from an early age, so this will come as no suprise. We have a long track record of not offering idle threats and following up with what we say.


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## rainbowmoon

no (my kids are very young yet) but I got a tattoo the week I turned 18! Now I regret it of course. Hoping my kids will learn from my mistake..


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## rainbowmoon

they could always get around this by getting one that's easily hidden (I had several friends who did this in HS!)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
Twelve seemed like a reasonable age to me for the ear piercing because it's a right of passage on entering jr. high, and it's an age where the child can take care of the piercing and is old enough to fully understand the process.

And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves. We are, and have been, crystal clear about this from an early age, so this will come as no suprise. We have a long track record of not offering idle threats and following up with what we say.


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## EFmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainbowmoon* 
they could always get around this by getting one that's easily hidden (I had several friends who did this in HS!)


Maybe, but highly unlikely. We spend time together at a family camp with communal facilities. If they want to chance it, I suppose they can, but I sincerely doubt they are that stupid.


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## demottm

My mom forbid me to get anything done. When I was young I wanted my ears pierced so badly. After years of wanting and begging she gave in when I was 12...and took my 9yo sister to get hers done as well. I was pissed. When I was 15 the s*** hit the fan. My mother was so overprotective and had grounded me "for life" for some silly thing and I didn't have anything to lose. So I started piercing myself for "fun". It started with my ears. Then I did my own eyebrow, belly button, and tongue. I didn't have proper jewelery for any of it so they all got infected and are scars now. I also moved out when I was 17.

My mom expresses every time she gets the chance that I have ruined the perfect body that God gave me. With all the holes and 2 tattoos, she would barely know it was me.









What I'm trying to say is please love your daughter for who she is. It will make her love you and herself more.


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## Shenjall

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaylaBeanie* 
..snip....
My kids will grow up with a respect for safe and elective body modification. Since guns are dangerous for ear piercing, my kids won't have pierced ears until at least age 12, the age most piercing shops will do lobes. At age 16, I'd be willing to sign for most piercings. The only thing I have little patience for is stretched ears...I'm not a fan, so my kids would need to wait until they're 18. Tattoos, that depends. I love my tattoos, I'm happy I have them. It would depend on the maturity of my child and the type and location of design. Once they're 18, whether I'm paying for their college or not, they have the choice what to do with their bodies piercing and tattoo-wise.

However, it's a known fact that kids are hideously embarrassed by anything their parents do. So, given the fact I'm pierced and tattooed, I'm counting on my kids thinking I'm the most awkward weirdo ever, and never getting tattoos or piercings









This is our house. You want to modify your body? Our requirement is that it is done safely and legally. Thats pretty much it.







And we'd like to be a part of it. Not to "oversee" or be "overbearing" but it's an important moment in a persons life (for us anyway) and we'd like to be able to share it with them. Whether its being there, or making it a bday gift, or just waiting for them to come home and saying "Ok! Lets see it! Lets see it!"

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lorijds* 
...snipping again.....
And I would disagree with the previous poster who says that old tattoos are ugly. I love to see old tattoos on my patients. They are beautiful, just like scars, saggy breasts, wrinkles, "sunspots" and other signs of aging. They represent a long life, fully and interestingly lived, with hopes, dreams, joy, tears, and disappointments.

I could not agree with you more.


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## mommaof3boz

Quote:

Maybe, but highly unlikely. We spend time together at a family camp with communal facilities. If they want to chance it, I suppose they can, but I sincerely doubt they are that stupid










My good friends daughter who was homeschooled, religious, never got in trouble, got into a very good university, has a very bright future in front of her got a tat as soon as she hit college. Although neither of her parents have piercings or tats, they realized it was part of her becoming her. If they cut off her funds for college she wouldn't be able to become the amazing person she wants to be. She's studying to be a nurse anathesiologist.(sp). She's incredibly bright and will succeed. Over a tattoo taking all that away I can't imagine...btw its a cross and says "I'm third". Meaning Faith, Others and then Myself.

edited to add: parenting teenagers is always easy when you aren't the one doing it. Kinda like baseball is easy...from the bleachers.


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## rainbowmoon

Your college aged children will still be bathing nude with you? Um, wow!







I am not against nudity but I find that just a bit strange. Also, maybe they _will_ decide ditching your monetary support for the freedom to have control over their own body is worth it. Who knows.








Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
Maybe, but highly unlikely. We spend time together at a family camp with communal facilities. If they want to chance it, I suppose they can, but I sincerely doubt they are that stupid.


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## EFmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommaof3boz* 









My good friends daughter who was homeschooled, religious, never got in trouble, got into a very good university, has a very bright future in front of her got a tat as soon as she hit college. Although neither of her parents have piercings or tats, they realized it was part of her becoming her. If they cut off her funds for college she wouldn't be able to become the amazing person she wants to be. She's studying to be a nurse anathesiologist.(sp). She's incredibly bright and will succeed. Over a tattoo taking all that away I can't imagine...btw its a cross and says "I'm third". Meaning Faith, Others and then Myself.

As I said, we've been crystal clear about this for a very long time, so we aren't "taking away" anything. There are no surprises about the outcome if they make that choice. If it is more important for my kids to get tattoos than it is for them to get a free college education, that's their decision and they will have to live with it. Hopefully they will figure out a way to fund an education, but it will be their problem at that point.

I have a niece who has married a very nice man who owns a tattoo parlor. We hope he enjoys this work until retirement. He is extremely "modified" if you will, and she is also starting to disappear under "modification." It is a subject that comes up with some regularity in our home.







So, it's not like it is something that has been mentioned once or twice that might slip off their radar screens.

Neither of my dds finds this sort of thing remotely attractive for now, but I realize their attitudes may change.


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## EFmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainbowmoon* 
Your college aged children will still be bathing nude with you? Um, wow!







I am not against nudity but I find that just a bit strange. Also, maybe they _will_ decide ditching your monetary support for the freedom to have control over their own body is worth it. Who knows.









Nobody is forced to bathe in any particular way, but it is the way it generally works out at this place--it is gender segregated. I'm not saying that I'm going to inspect them for tattoos (I have no intention of doing that), but it is quite possible that I would find out if they did.

And you are correct, maybe they will decide it is more important for them to get tattooed before they would have otherwise been self-supporting, and that is their decision. They will have to live with the outcome.


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## onyxravnos

my dc aren't old enough yet but I was one of those kids... lots of piercings and at 16 did get a tattoo. Although my parents didn't find out about the tattoo until i was an adult.

I just wish i had done them professorially instead of safety pin..... oh well live and learn. My general opinion is that piercing ears is no biggy. take them down have it done. they close and nobody cares.... other piercings? well depending on the what the where and the personality of the child it is mostly ok at 16 + ... tattoos wait until your 18. for one no real professional tattooist would tattoo a minor even if they had parent permission and tattoos are much more likely to cause permanent scaring (besides the tattoo itself) if done wrong or not taken care of.


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## onyxravnos

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves.

i see where your coming from although i don't agree. but just wanted to throw this thought out there. at least for piercings which aren't permanent i almost think one should (if they want) do that during the collage years... there are not a lot of jobs you can get with even the most minor facial piercings so why not get out the 'fun' of it while you can before you enter the job market? that's a good four years of enjoyment before you have to consider interviewing and looking like a grown up. Like dying your hair green.... hard to get a job like that so why not take advantage of the few year you can while you can?


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## mommaof3boz

EFMom-just trying to figure out what makes you so adament about it? Is it a religious based opinion? I am truely curious. I just don't have any hard and fast rules other than wait it its legal and make sure its what you really want.


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## rainbowmoon

Ok well that sounds a bit more sane. Sorry I misinterpreted that!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
Nobody is forced to bathe in any particular way, but it is the way it generally works out at this place--it is gender segregated. I'm not saying that I'm going to inspect them for tattoos (I have no intention of doing that), but it is quite possible that I would find out if they did.

And you are correct, maybe they will decide it is more important for them to get tattooed before they would have otherwise been self-supporting, and that is their decision. They will have to live with the outcome.


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## EFmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommaof3boz* 
EFMom-just trying to figure out what makes you so adament about it? Is it a religious based opinion? I am truely curious. I just don't have any hard and fast rules other than wait it its legal and make sure its what you really want.

Religious? I'm an atheist, so no, that's not it. It is our personal opinions about tattoos and body piercings. I think they are disfiguring, to put it mildly. BIL is a dermatologist and not a day goes by that he doesn't have multiple patients wanting tattoo removal. I'm watching my formerly lovely niece turn herself into someone who is going to be all but unemployable.

I work at a university and the seniors tend to be orders of magnitude more mature than the freshmen. By making my dds wait it out, I hope they will be four years wiser about permanently disfiguring themselves. If at that point they are self supporting and want to do that, it's their call. I wouldn't say a word if they did it then.


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## First-Time-Mommy

my first piercing was when i was 6, i had my ears done. my second i was 13, and all the rest came between the ages of 13-16. my first tattoo was when i was 15. i remember getting in a lot of trouble for the tattoo, and some of the piercings too. the anger thrown at me for doing it was eventually forgotten.

if my kid were that old and did it though... it would depend on exactly what it was. piercing holes, most, can never be detected in the future once taken out and healed, but a tattoo... i would REALLY hope my kid would come to me first. mostly because if it is something they really, truly wanted... i could make sure they went to a professional. i would probably have them think on it for a while also.

if he came home with a tattoo despite all that... well i guess all i can do is laugh then. getting mad isn't going to take it off their skin it's already too late, LOL.


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## LVale

Well my sons are now 32 and 29, but are rules for piercings was if you wanted one to think about it for at least 3 months, and after that time you could have it. My oldest came home from school I think he was 13 and wanted to pierce his ear, we had a talk and mutually came up with the 3 month timeline. Well, after 3 months, he never mentioned it again, and did not get it done. The tattoo thing on the other hand, I told them both when you turn 18, the decision is yours. I also showed them pictures of what a tattoo looks like on an aging body, not so pretty. I also told them that what they thought looked cool at 18 or a young age, maybe it would not look so cool in their 30's. Then I put the last stipulation on getting a tattoo on their pristine bodies that I gave birth to (natural, non-medicated may I add), they would owe me a bottle of my favorite perfume, a dozen roses, and a dinner at my favorite restaurant, if they ever wanted to come into my house again. Well neither one of them have piercings, and the tattoo thing, they joke about that because they say it would be too expensive to get one and pacify dear old Mom, with all the stipulations I placed on them so many years ago. Oh may I add, they both really, really do not like needles!


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## Oriole

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LVale* 
Well my sons are now 32 and 29, but are rules for piercings was if you wanted one to think about it for at least 3 months, and after that time you could have it. My oldest came home from school I think he was 13 and wanted to pierce his ear, we had a talk and mutually came up with the 3 month timeline. Well, after 3 months, he never mentioned it again, and did not get it done. The tattoo thing on the other hand, I told them both when you turn 18, the decision is yours. I also showed them pictures of what a tattoo looks like on an aging body, not so pretty. I also told them that what they thought looked cool at 18 or a young age, maybe it would not look so cool in their 30's. Then I put the last stipulation on getting a tattoo on their pristine bodies that I gave birth to (natural, non-medicated may I add), they would owe me a bottle of my favorite perfume, a dozen roses, and a dinner at my favorite restaurant, if they ever wanted to come into my house again. Well neither one of them have piercings, and the tattoo thing, they joke about that because they say it would be too expensive to get one and pacify dear old Mom, with all the stipulations I placed on them so many years ago. Oh may I add, they both really, really do not like needles!

you are funny


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## mum2boys

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
Just a note: stretched ears, even 'huge' ones, can be reversed as long as you go slowly and carefully. They may never close up completely but plenty of people go back down to a 'normal' size.

I'm a 0g myself.


The gages were the only thing on my absolute "no" list because I was worried about them being irrevocable. I can't find anything online about how you fix them. Would you mind posting a link so I'm more informed if it every comes up? Thanks!


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## wendyland

I got a tattoo when I was 16. My mom wasn't mad, only sad that she didn't get to go with me. I don't regret getting it. It was very empowering for me to do alone at 16. I was pretty shy.

I hope that my daughters would consult with me before getting one. I would want to help them make that decision and find a place that would do a good job.


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## KaylaBeanie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onyxravnos* 
for one no real professional tattooist would tattoo a minor even if they had parent permission and tattoos are much more likely to cause permanent scaring (besides the tattoo itself) if done wrong or not taken care of.

This depends on the state. In Minnesota, it was legal to get non-nipple/genital piercings and tattoos with parental consent at age 16 or 17. By parental consent, they meant documented matching last names, or a birth certificate and ID if the parent had a different last name. My parent also had to sign several papers, and be right there in the room with me while the tattoo/piercing was being done. My dad was actually pretty upset about that, he didn't want to see me get my tragus pierced









Also, as someone whose parents did let me express myself through body modification, I don't think it's unreasonable at all for a parent to say no piercings or tattoos until after college. Whether it's a curfew, religious services, piercings, whatever...if a parent is paying, they can have as much or little say as they want. Nobody has the right to financial support after age 18, so if they want that support, they need to obey the rules or support themselves.

I do hate hearing "won't you regret that in ten years?" Nobody knows for sure how they'll feel in ten years. Heck, I could be dead in ten years, making that whole argument completely useless. My three tattoos represent really special times in my life, are well done, and if I regret them someday...so be it. I find that in today's society, it's really only facial, neck and hand tattoos that risk you being unemployable, everything else is easily covered. Plus, given that 36% of Americans age 18-25 and 40% of Americans 26-40 are tattooed, tattoos in the workplace will quickly become less and less taboo. My mom runs a relatively large company, and even though their official stance is "no visible tattoos," she couldn't care less if the girls have visible wrist tattoos.


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## Purple*Lotus

I dyed my hair electric blue when I was 18 and my Mom threw a fit







Then freshman year of college I got five piercings in each ear. I was already paying my own way through school so the piercings did not affect anything.

I am lucky enough to work at a job that does allow you to express your individuality. I was really surprised because I teach pre school and generally you think of a pretty conservative look when you think of teachers. But I asked my boss if it was okay if I used some temporary hair color for St. Patrick's day- just in case it did not wash out like it was supposed to- and she was very comfortable with it. Which is good for me, because I have dyed my hair purple, pink and green this year







But I never would have done it without asking first.

In fact, the parents started asking me if I could spray their kid's hair with some temporary spray, which shocked me. One Dad was like "Why didn't you spray M's hair too? She would have loved it!" So I asked all of the parents, they were all fine with it, and now we enjoy Colorful Hair Fridays on a regular basis when the weather is warm









My boss is also fine with visable tattoos as long as they are not vulgar. And piercings, we have some employees with guages and nose rings, etc. I love that my boss is so open minded







I think is is wonderful to be able to express who you are. And it really doesn't affect my ability to be a good teacher. I have a degree, a responsible job and I like to have purple hair. It is just who I am


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## lovebug

i got my belly button dont when i was 15 i hid it until i was 17...


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