# Do you let neighborhood kids in your house?



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Just wondering what others' policy is on this. When I was growing up, there were some houses on my street that the moms wouldn't let the kids play inside. Some houses it was OK. I remember thinking that the moms who wouldn't let the kids inside were kind of... well, mean.









Now my oldest is getting to the point where other kids in the neighborhood are just dropping in to play. On one hand, I think that's awesome. On the other hand, I don't want to be watching a bunch of kids all the time. Am I being unfriendly if I don't let the kids in the house? They do ask to come in and I always say no. I tell them I'll bring them a drink or whatever, I try to be hospitable, but I don't want them coming in to play. We have a small house and I guess I just like my privacy.

I am feeling conflicted about this. I feel guilty and I don't want to be the mean mom or come off as unfriendly. They are welcome to come over and play in our yard any time but I don't want them to come in the house. What do you think?


----------



## jillmamma (Apr 11, 2005)

I think it depends. Obviously, it is your house, and you make the rules about who is invited in and who is not. I definitely reserve the right to tell kids that we are playing outside right now, maybe another time, especially if it is just not a good time. I think that if your children have a few special friends, I would allow them to play inside once in awhile too. I can definitely see where you don't want everyone running in and out too. Maybe you could set up an indoor playdate with one or two of your kids closer friends? That way you know when and don't have to deal with as much mayhem?


----------



## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

DS1 isn't allowed in other homes but I was fine with the neighbor kids coming in.


----------



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Yeah, DS has playdates all the time and of course those kids come in the house. I'm talking about the random neighborhood playing that spontaneously occurs.


----------



## Nankay (Jan 24, 2002)

We always strived to be the home the other kids wanted to come to. Now that the kids are older (9 and 12) it's paying off. We don't have to worry about other folks' homes because everyone comes to our house.


----------



## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

I don't let my kids go to ppl's homes and I don't let other kids in my home.

I'm just not comfortable with some of the neighbor kids - one kid weirds me out but I can't put my finger on why. I'm just not comfortable having him here. I don't even feel comfortable letting him play w/ ds at the pool. I wish I could figure out why, but the boy hasn't done anything that would make me feel this way. So it's confusing.

There is a family that I like a lot. They have really great kids and they're very easy going ppl and pleasant to visit with. We all typically hang out at the pool because we have cats and their little girl is VERY allergic. She spent an afternoon at our house and ended up in the ER that night. I felt awful! So no, they don't come over my house, but my kids could go over theirs if I went, too. I don't expect other ppl to babysit my kids unless it's a prior arrangement.


----------



## redhotmama (Nov 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sharlla* 
DS1 isn't allowed in other homes but I was fine with the neighbor kids coming in.









I just shoo them out when I'm ready for quiet with a cheerful, "Time to clean up, we're going to have family time now."


----------



## LilyGrace (Jun 10, 2007)

I have kids coming over even when mine aren't here!









I don't have a problem with neighbor kids in the house. I usually have a few open ended activities they can do (paint, salt dough, building stuff, bubbles) and I set to work on my own things. The kids love it - I had two over today: one helping me with a puzzle in the living room and then later I had a little girl over who wanted to help me bake a cake.
When they play with the boys, they have the option of taking the games to the bedroom or the yard. I don't care either way. It keeps mine where I can see them and all of them out of trouble.

My only rules are
1. They HAVE to let mom/dad know where they are and get a check in time.
and
2. They need to come to me with their times.

I have a few that come over and can't tell time and used to spend every five minutes pestering me about the time and if they had to go check in yet. I set a timer when a kid comes in and when it buzzes they jump and go.


----------



## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

I don't let the neighbor kids come in my house and i don't think anyone else would either, you'd hafta know them, they steal, no manners, and they're really dirty kids, but if we had decent neighbors it would depend on my mood i guess. I think the way your handling it is pretty good, its your house.


----------



## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

Sadly, we only have one on our street--Elizabeth is 8 and is thrilled that Lucy is here, even though she's so much younger. She'll come over and play with Lucy in the house or in the backyard. Her mom says that if she let her, she'd be over here every day, so she restricts her to once a week. And when I'm ready for her to go, I tell her!

DH and I feel really strongly about rooting ourselves in this community and about re-forging the idea of community in general. This philosophy informs a lot of what we do, and so even if I'm a little annoyed when E. shows up, I let her in if it's not truly inconvenient. Plus, I feel like I'm getting to know her so that she can babysit in a couple of years!









My parents always encouraged kids to come over our house. They felt that they'd rather know where we were instead of having us disappear for the afternoon or evening!

I think it probably has a lot to do with the kind of neighborhood one is in as well.


----------



## Earthy Mama (Jun 4, 2004)

If I knew the kids' parents, and approved of the home, yes I would let my kid in their home. I would hope other children's parents would have the same rules.

There is this little girl up the street who comes over to play with Maddie. I have never met her parents,They let her roam the neighborhood. I won't let her in the house, not because I don't like her, but her parents don't know where she is. I would freak if my kids were in a stranger's house, and I would think they feel the same.

I just feel uncomfortable about letting other kids in my house when their parents aren't aware. If I know them, and they are ok with their kid in my house, it's a different story.


----------



## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Yes, the neighborhood kids are allowed in the house. I agree that I want to be the fun house everyone wants to come to...and I think we are! Our neighbors are all a little older than Abby though, so she's not allowed over to their house unattended yet. When she's a bit older, she will be. All the neighborhood kids come over here, I love it, they entertain dd and I get to do some cooking or sewing!


----------



## Kay11 (Aug 30, 2006)

For me it depends on the kids. There's a couple of kids up the road from us who are a fair bit older than ds (4) who knock on the door asking to come round to play all the time. I usually ask that they play out in the garden, but occasionally if I'm busy with something in the house I let them play inside with him. It's difficult for me, I don't feel totally comfortable with it, but they come from a really deprived home and their mom often doesn't even know where they are or what they're doing so a part of me thinks I'd rather they were safe in my house than wandering around the streets, which is something they do. Also, they get to see me bf dd who's almost 2 and nurses a LOT so I like to think I'm exposing them to something good outside of their experience.









Unfortunately I don't want my house to be seen as the fun house, but atm for some reason it is. We get loads of kids knocking on the door, or standing at the gate to the garden when we're out there, asking to come in and play. I'm not at all comfortable with it though because I don't know their parents. even to say hello to, so usually I'm polite about it, but refuse.

On the reverse, I'd never let ds and dd play in other kids' houses in our neighbourhood (obviously when they're older, it doesn't apply now) unless I knew the parents really well and they were friends of mine. That's unlikely to happen though atm.


----------



## wildmonkeys (Oct 4, 2004)

I have never had a kid stop by without an adult nor are my kids allowed out and about in our neighborhood without an adult. (My oldest is only 8 and we live on a busy road) On the otherhand there are a few families we know well and like and if we bump into each other outside - the kids often end up just going to one house or the other to play without parents coming along or without it being planned in advance. My four year old plays at one neighbors house without me, but the mother and I have become really dear friends over the years, so that is a bit different.

There are also a couple of families that we AVOID at all costs







I can not imagine letting my kids in their houses without me and can only imagine having the kids here if there was some sort of emergency and the parents needed help.


----------



## Leatherette (Mar 4, 2003)

We have some kids who live across the street. I like them a lot, and I like their mom, but she doesn't provide a whole lot of supervision. They run back and forth across the street on their own (they are 7 and 4, but have been doing this for at least a year, and they never look both ways).

They have come to our house a few times, but it always ends up being longer than their mom says, and once I had to bring them back home to make sure they crossed safely, and I couldn't find the mom. The little boy, though he is really a nice kid, only wants to play with toy weapons, and drags a bunch over from home, since we don't have any.....

So I am not comfortable sending my kids over there, especially my youngest
(3). We live on a residential street, but it is near a major arterial, and people use it as a short-cut all the time. The one time I let them go, because they really wanted to, I hung out on my front porch so I could be sure they weren't being let out onto the street.

The person who used to live next to me was a good friend who was more in line with my views on adequate supervision, and the kids could go back and forth (no street to cross). But we always escorted them and hung out.

L.


----------



## jdedmom (Jul 11, 2006)

We are the house to be for the neighborhood kids. We sometimes have 15+ kids in the yard. I have mixed feelings about being the house the kids hang out at. I prefer that my kids are where I can supervise them but most of the kids come over, drag everything out and do not clean up. Most do not use any manners either. Our new rule is that they have to decide on one toy to play and the garage gets shut. It has been a free for all lately.







:

I let each of my children invite one guest in if it's raining or too hot but we have a basement playroom that is their terrain


----------



## embers (Mar 24, 2006)

I am and have always wanted to be the "hang out house". We have boundaries and expectations, and I have them printed out and clearly posted on one of our walls (and our children know the boundaries and expectations very well). Our kidz range from young child to young teen, and we usually have several friends over throughout the day. We bring friends with us to eat, to go fun places, and generally make them part of our activities when our time, energy, and finances allow. Friday and Saturday are our open days where kids can stay up late and be loud, have music and video games going, and general merriment. During the week children are welcomed over to play and enjoy our home... and I like it this way. I want to be involved, I want to know what my children are doing (and it is really helpful to know what my children's friends are doing...). If there is an exposure to something dangerous or serious, I get to hear about it and help the children process it. There is far less guess work. I am not ever worried that my kids are at someone's home that is not safe, or that they are off doing something dangerous while just hanging out. I really would have it no other way.


----------



## Kristine233 (Jul 15, 2003)

Since I work at home I can't really be there policing other kids in my house. So I simply don't allow it. If its my friends kids or a playdate that is different/ But random neighborhood kids, nope. We have a yard and all the kids come over and hang out in it. Just not in my house.


----------



## meco (Mar 1, 2004)

I always let the neighbor kids come over and play (the ones we know of course). I only have one kid so he gets bored of me at home all of the time. Regular, impromptu playdates. The kids entertain my child, they have fun, he is happy, I am happy, I have time to clean and get things done. We usually play on the stoop weather permitting so we are often outside on the sidewalk. They like to be outside best. Sometimes the parents are out there, sometimes not, and sometimes I am in too. But we live in a rowhouse so they are not far from home, and we trust each other. The parents usually do not come over because it gives them a break, and we can socialize on the stoop. My son does not visit neighbors without me. He is a bit too young. He still needs supervision that most of the kids do not need. There is a definite sense of neighborhood and community with some of my neighbors, which I love. The kids on my street are always welcome at my house--all ages (They range from 3-17). It provides a safe and fun place, and I am happy to provide it.


----------



## jdedmom (Jul 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *embers* 
I am and have always wanted to be the "hang out house". We have boundaries and expectations, and I have them printed out and clearly posted on one of our walls (and our children know the boundaries and expectations very well). Our kidz range from young child to young teen, and we usually have several friends over throughout the day. We bring friends with us to eat, to go fun places, and generally make them part of our activities when our time, energy, and finances allow. Friday and Saturday are our open days where kids can stay up late and be loud, have music and video games going, and general merriment. During the week children are welcomed over to play and enjoy our home... and I like it this way. I want to be involved, I want to know what my children are doing (and it is really helpful to know what my children's friends are doing...). If there is an exposure to something dangerous or serious, I get to hear about it and help the children process it. There is far less guess work. I am not ever worried that my kids are at someone's home that is not safe, or that they are off doing something dangerous while just hanging out. I really would have it no other way.

What a great idea to have the rules posted!! Can you tell me what kind of rules you have?

One of my big problems is when kids come over to play with our toys and not with our kids. Especially my younger two. Most play with my oldest and that's fine but some kids (some my middle sons age) come over just to play basketball. They ignore my son.

I start getting irritated because some kids use my house like a playground where everyone can play anything they want at anytime then leave my kids to clean it up.


----------



## mommato5 (Feb 19, 2007)

Most of the time, I do let in whatever kids. It's no big deal to me!! I would rather give the child a safe home to play in than watch the child run the neighborhood unattended!!


----------



## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Do I let any kids come in just because they live in my neighorhood? _No_

If I know the kids well AND their parents AND they have permission to come in, AND I am not busy_yes_. I say that because when ppls children are over my house I am responsible for what goes on so I usually don't allow little kids over if I'm too pre occupied.


----------



## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kristine233* 
Since I work at home I can't really be there policing other kids in my house. So I simply don't allow it. If its my friends kids or a playdate that is different/ But random neighborhood kids, nope. We have a yard and all the kids come over and hang out in it. Just not in my house.









:


----------



## fireant (Jan 10, 2006)

We have to know the parents really well for me to be comfortable with it.


----------



## <~*MamaRose*~> (Mar 4, 2007)

Yes I allow the neighborhood children in the house and my sons into other kid's homes.
The only children that call on DS#2 are the children that he plays with daily and I know the parents.
Honestly sometimes I encourage everyone to come in when I have stuff to do and can't stay outside and monitor play so it's just easier sometimes. We also have a rule that all children are to speak to their parents first before coming in and they aren't allowed (I use this term loosely) to leave until everything is tidy. I've had parents come to the door saying it's time for so and so to leave and I've told them to come on in as their child needs to clean up what they were playing with&#8230;the parents are all cool with this and know I enforce the cleanup rule before leaving so it's expected now and they factor that in when they come to collect their kids if time is tight.

As for DS#1 I don't just let any of his friends in the house and he understands why and it isn't an issue.


----------



## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

I feel wierd letting other kids in my house when there parents haven't even bothered to say hello to me, but I do let them come in if I'm sure it's okay with the parents. I'm not completely happy about it though and don't let them stay the whole day (as one girl tried to do frequently).


----------



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Hmm. Thanks for all your replies. Now I'm torn. I can totally see the benefits of having the kids at my house, rather than roaming the neighborhood getting into trouble. I am totally fine with them playing in the yard. The thing is, I *want* to be comfortable with the idea of kids dropping by to play inside - but I'm not. I get all uptight. It's an added responsibility that I don't want to take on, frankly. I'm trying to decide how I need to make peace with that - is it something I need to get over or something I need to accept about myself?

Also - my oldest is only 4. One girl who drops by is 5, the boy who drops by is 7. So they're young kids, who need supervision. I don't know the boy's parents at all. The girl's parents I know, and like, though they are more lax about letting their kids roam around alone than I am.

I guess this is something I need to think about and decide what route to take. I think if the kids were older I might feel better about it... maybe not though.


----------



## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Do you have adequate liability insurance on your renter's or homeowner's policy? Maybe the responsibility wouldn't feel so heavy if you knew that you would not lose everything, if you were to be sued for an unavoidable accident.


----------



## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

There is one little boy in our neighborhood who I don't let in. He has some troubling behaviors -- he has a habit of tormenting animals, and was bitten in the face by a dog, he has hit other kids on the bus and gotten in quite a bit of trouble from the bus driver. I don't want to have to deal with it. I've also asked him to have his mom or dad or sitter call me with the ok for him to play in our back yard - but he never has.

Our immediate neighbors are younger, but they play with my kids frequently. I feel like if I know the kids, fine. But otherwise, I'll invite the to play outside. I have a baby, and a dog and cats that I don't want to be tormented.


----------



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
Do you have adequate liability insurance on your renter's or homeowner's policy? Maybe the responsibility wouldn't feel so heavy if you knew that you would not lose everything, if you were to be sued for an unavoidable accident.

Gosh, I didn't even think of that.


----------



## embers (Mar 24, 2006)

Well, to those still struggling with the topic... keep in mind that things (and your feelings and comfort levels) may change (and then change again and again) as your children age from 4 to 14! Plus, there is NOTHING wrong with having boundaries, and honoring your own comforts and interests (not everyone ENJOYS a busy household and many children in and out). I think that I have a gift... a knack... a little pinch of something special insofar that I am at ease with children that are even very difficult or otherwise stressful (special needs, hard family life, etc) and I can manage large groups of kids without sacrificing supervision, connection with my children, my ability to do housework, etc.

My youngest (4) has only one or two friends his age, many that are 6 though 8 (and my next youngest is 8 and she and my youngest "share" many of their friends) and they even regularly play with a few older kids that come more to play with them than my older two (two 11 year old girls and one special needs 16 year old boy, for instance, come to play with my younger two rather often). My older two are young teens and share some of their friends with the younger two (there is a lot of over lap, a lot of inclusion, and very VERY little exclusion... although each child has privacy and space and the ability to do activities in a smaller group... no real arguments or anything, though). The older kids often go skating or shopping, but we are very fortunate to live in a rather safe area within walking distance to playgrounds, skate park, shopping, etc.

After 11pm, none of the kidz can go out and about, but as long as "quiet time" is respected, friends can come over.


----------



## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *famousmockngbrd* 
Gosh, I didn't even think of that.

You didn't think of it consciously, but the tone of your writing gave me the idea that it might be part of your discomfort.


----------



## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I always thought I'd want to have the house everyone wants to be at, and theoretically I still do, especially because it means that my kids would be home most of the time, but honestly I greatly value alone time, so I find it difficult to imagine being cool with unannounced groups of kids dropping by. I'm sure it'll happen as DS ages, and hopefully I'll find a way to be okay with it, but right now, between caring for DS, working from home, and finding time to be alone with DH, I savor every moment that I can be by myself, and don't welcome the idea of neighbor kids intruding on that.


----------



## embers (Mar 24, 2006)

I have found that when kids are over, our children are content and happy to play with them... meaning, while I am still around them, watching, listening, and being aware, my energy is back to myself and my goals in the home (my children's social "cup" is being filled by friends instead of just by me). I have boundaries and expectations clearly stated (11pm is quiet time, giving my husband and myself some time alone or together, breakfast and dinner are together with the family, and I reserve the right to ask kids to leave if I needs some time to focus on something - or nothing - and do not want to supervise). Basically, I feel like our lives have more structure and flow since becoming such an open social home, and I find that I have MORE time to get things done and enjoy adult social interaction (a few moms are good friends, and when our children play so well together, we get the rare opportunity to sit and chat or to parallel work - they help with dishes while I make lunch, but we are talking and laughing the whole time).


----------

