# When you sound like Charlie Brown's teacher.....



## goosysmom (May 28, 2005)

This is what I must sound like when I talk to dd (almost 5)....

"Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah"

Her hearing is fantastic. Off the charts I'm told.

Yet, she hears nothing that comes out of my mouth. NOTHING.

Please don't pick up your baby sister, you could hurt her.
If you pick up your baby sister, she could get hurt.

No matter how I phrase it......it's ignored.

Could you pick up your blocks please? I'll help you.

Ignored. I get the my hands are too tired, my legs are too tired as she runs to the other side of the room.

Among other things.

I'm about at my wit's end.

Mom says, "oh, she's only 5 (not yet mom, thanks....







). It's unrealistic to expect her to pick up her things...."

To which I usually say something like, "You didn't think so when I was a child. It's not unreasonable to ask her to pick up the blocks, a pony or a babydoll she left out.....It's not like I'm telling her she has to pick up the entire room without help...."

Geesh.

It's just that for the past 18 months, no matter what I have said, it goes in one ear and out the other.

She listens to the women who run the play area at Macy's (I had a coupon the other day for a free haircut...wahoo). They told me she was a joy to have and bring her anyday. They simply ask and she does. I witnessed it with my own eyes before she saw me peeking in.

I just don't know what else to do.

Her dad just gets up and leaves the room when it happens to him or picks her up and puts her in her room where she will scream, come out, come down and the cycle repeats. I have told him that's not the best way to handle it. I spose that's what his parents did with him.

But I'm going batty. On the verge of yelling bc I feel pretty alone in dealing with this. I can't NOT deal with it.

But the listening needs to happen. I don't want her little sister (just over a year) hurt. She got hurt a few days ago. They both did.

Any suggestions from those whose children never listened to anything and everything for a long time who were able to change it???

TIA


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

I think I was that age when my mother started making me repeat everything she told me. She still does it now.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

I haven't been able to effect any kind of long-term change, but I can usually get him to listen to me in the short term by removing whatever he's doing (i.e. pausing the DVD player or putting myself between him and his toys), leaning down, looking him in the eyes, and saying "are you listening to me?" until he says, "I'm listening."

Sometimes he says "I not listening to you, Mommy!!" instead, but then, he's 3. Bleh.


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## Think of Winter (Jun 10, 2004)

You know, my friend is taking a course in education (she works for Music Together), and she told me recently about something called "entrainment." It happens when a child really, totally focuses on something. It may be a task, or it may be a thought process. But the kid really can't hear you. She also said there was an example in her reading of a child being spanked because her mother was beside herself with the not listening, and the child learned that reaching that level of focus was dangerous. Entrainment (I really hope I'm getting the name right) requires accessing higher levels of thinking, and is such a valuable part of development.

Just some food for thought.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

You need to get her attention first. It could be that she's so focused that she truly doesn't hear you, or it could be that she's ignoring you because she doesn't want to stop what she's doing.

But, I will say that if she starts giving excuses as to why she won't clean up her toys, then she HAS heard you and she's trying to get out of doing what you want her to do. In that situation, I'd try to take the focus off her and onto the thing that needs to be done. "The toys need to be off the floor now. Either you put the toys away, or I pick up the toy and put it in the box on top of the closet for a week. Which would you prefer?"

As for the baby, it sounds like they need closer supervision when they interact with one another. And stop telling her what NOT to do. Tell her what to do instead. When you say "don't pick up your sister" she may be hearing "pick up your sister." Try saying "Leave the baby alone" or "Let her walk by herself" instead.


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