# Should a 3 year old be able to play by himself?



## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Because I am so sick of playing. Is it reasonable to expect a 3 year old to play by himself for extended periods of time?


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Mine does, but I have no idea if that's normal.


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## LuckyMommaToo (Aug 14, 2003)

Mine didn't until he was 5. Sorry.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

Mine can, for 15 or 20 minutes at a time, when she's not hungry, tired, or sick, and I'm right nearby, available to her if she needs me (not on the computer or reading or playing with her brother). Don't know if this is typical or not. But basically folding the laundry is the only time I get mental space.


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## busymama77 (Jun 16, 2009)

Mine does until he's bored with what he's playing with and then he'll ask me to play a game or do a puzzle together. When we do play, it's only for 20-30minutes or so at a time and then he likes to take a break.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Yes. But if that's never been the expectation before in your house, it may take some time, encouragement, and persistence on your part, to make it happen. And you do need to stay nearby, to help with the small frustrations that come up, and to sort of half-listen to the chatter.

At least that's been my experience. Mine are 5, 2 1/2, and 2 1/2, and they play by themselves for very large chunks of the day. I've learned to say, "I love you, baby, but I'm busy right now, and you're underfoot. Go play!" and then to very gently ignore the protests.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

My 3 year old DD does now. I used to constantly play with her, but then I realized it was doing none of us any good--I wasn't having fun 75% of the time, nothing was getting done in our house, etc. Don't get me wrong, I do love to play with DD and do activities with her, just not constantly all day long!

She was upset when I first encouraged her to play on her own, but now she does it for long periods of time. She has imaginary friends and plays all kinds of scenarios with her toys. After a few hours she will come back and want to nurse or do something with me, and she always likes me to be in the same room while she's playing on her own. She won't just go play in her room by herself or anything.

I do think some children have a more difficult time with it than others though. A large part of it is personality and maturity, you know how kids develop at different rates and everything.


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

My 3 year old can play by herself for long periods of time. She has a 5 year old brother, though, so I think that she often enjoys having the time to play by herself because it doesn't happen very often.


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## Encinalien (Mar 27, 2007)

I'm working on it with my 2 yr old. He has to "help" me a lot with dishes, laundry (he stands in a stool and plays in the dish water) plus get some play time out of me like coloring, toys, singing, plus be not hungry, not tired, not grouchy, and have played outside at minimum every few days. If all systems are "go" he'll play with his toys by himself up to a couple hours some days. I really had to suggest it to him a lot at first. "go play with your toys. Yes baby, that's nice. Go play with your toys. Do you have nice toys, do you like your toys, yeah? Go play with them.". Even to the extent of sitting in his room for an hour most days so he will come play with his toys. Now he doesn't need anyone to suggest for him to play with his toys, but he still needs all the attention. He's starting to act out play scenarios with his toys on his own. Kids like playing with toys. You just gotta keep encouraging them to try 'till they get started.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

You know, I think this really depends on the child's personality. I remember when my dd was 4 months old I visited another friend with a babe the same age and she could just set her lo on the floor with a toy and the kid was just look, touch, play, etc. Mine? Never. Ever since she was a newborn she had to have constant interaction. Even now at nearly age 4 my dd would much rather interact with me than play anything by herself. So, for my dd at least, I think the expectation would be too high. What we do is have scheduled mommy/dd playtime for 2 hours every morning, chores after lunch (she helps), and then play after that. I found I really needed to schedule our chore time or nothing got done.


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## readermaid (Jan 12, 2009)

My DD will play by herself, but it seems like she will only do so if I'm "busy" as in up and doing something. If I am on the computer or reading or otherwise "just sitting there" she thinks that I should be playing with her. It's actually a good motivator to get off my butt and do something.


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## askew (Jun 15, 2006)

Mine only goes about 15 minutes alone.


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## RoundAbout (Aug 3, 2006)

My almost 3 year-old does but not always at my convenience and usually not more than 30 minutes at a time. Sometimes it helps if can get him started and then let him go.


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## greenmamapagan (Jan 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RoundAbout* 
My almost 3 year-old does but not always at my convenience and usually not more than 30 minutes at a time.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i remember at my dd's ps this wasnt expected of the kids till they were 5.

some kids are independent and loners and can play for a long time on their own. even at 3.

but its not developmentally appropriate.

however i will agree with pp. the few minutes they do are NOT at your convenience.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Both my kids were able to do that by three, and before, for quite a long time. They're very independent in general, though, and it wasn't something their cousins/friends typically were able to do, so I don't think it's a sign of a problem just because your child doesn't do it yet.


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## PatchChild (Sep 1, 2006)

DS is very independent and always has been. He's 2.5 now and is happy to play by himself for 20-30 minutes at a time multiple times a day.


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## Morgan's mama (Mar 11, 2005)

I think it really depends on the child's personality. Dd has always been able to play independently, however, she needs to be near me. So if I'm in the kitchen she will entertain herself drawing at the table(she's 6 now), or she will play with her toys in the family room. She won't play upstairs alone. She'll only play up there if I'm doing something up there, -like laundry or something.


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## LizLizard (Jul 16, 2007)

My 3 year old doesn't.... maybe 15 min. once a day and that's really pushing it. Most days she flat out refuses to play (she doesn't touch her toys) and does everything in her power to make me do everything with/for her. Very VERY high needs.

My 1 year old is on the other end of the spectrum... she can easily play for 30 min. with toys and be happy doing it. Probably out of necessity, considering how much time I have to spend with the 3 year old.

Such a crazy and amazing difference between the two.


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## Grace and Granola (Oct 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra* 
Yes. But if that's never been the expectation before in your house, it may take some time, encouragement, and persistence on your part, to make it happen. And you do need to stay nearby, to help with the small frustrations that come up, and to sort of half-listen to the chatter.












Also, you shouldn't be expected to play like a 3 year old all day. You have to do your "grown up" things too. I would invite your 3yo to work along side you. Get a little cleaning kit for dd to follow you around with. Get her to help you cook or look at a book next to you while you read. You can make your work into play for her.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heatherb917* 









Also, you shouldn't be expected to play like a 3 year old all day. You have to do your "grown up" things too. I would invite your 3yo to work along side you. Get a little cleaning kit for dd to follow you around with. Get her to help you cook or look at a book next to you while you read. You can make your work into play for her.

Yeah, that's my point of view. I would go stark raving mad if I had to play little kid stuff all day. Don't get me wrong, I love playing with my kids, but not all day. Besides, I have too much to do. It takes a lot of work to keep the house and gardens running, especially in the summer and fall. I start teaching my kids to play alongside of me while I work, from the time they can lie on a blanket and reach for toys. So by the time they're three, that's just what life is like, for them. My grandma, and my grandma's grandma, and her grandma, didn't have long hours of time to just play make-believe all day, and yet all of my ancestors managed to turn out fine. I don't think it's natural for parents to spend all day engaging their children. Some time, yes, of course, but not as much as many modern parents seem to think is necessary.


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## crunchymamatobe (Jul 8, 2004)

I think it depends a lot on the child.

In June, when my DS was 31 months, his nursery school teacher said he was the only child in his class (all children aged 26-34 months) who would play independently. She speculated that this was because he was the only kid who didn't have siblings. But my mother says I played by myself a lot at that age, despite having a sibling come along when I was 25 months.

DS is now just three and plays by himself for several 30 minute stretches a day, sometimes longer. But other children we know of the same age don't play independently and/or need to be supervised or they will be into cleaning supplies, markers on the walls, playdoh in the baby's hair, etc.


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