# Master Gentle Discipline Book Recommendations Thread



## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

Since the request for book recommendations comes up frequently, I figured we could start an ongoing Master List that keeps the books listed with the most recommended books at the top of the list, and perhaps the moderators would consider having it added to the Gentle Discipline Resources Sticky (which also has an alphabetical list with descriptions - check it out!). Just another way to look at book options that some people may prefer.

We could also start discussions on these books in the Book Club Forum, and add the links to those discussions in this thread as well.

Please reply with your Book Recommendations. I will edit the original post to keep an ongoing list, and I will also keep the books listed in order of frequency they are recommended









The Number in Front of the Book Title Represents how many times the Book has been Recommended.

Book Recommendations:
11 Unconditional Parenting
9 Playful Parenting
8 How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
7 Connection Parenting
5 The Continuum Concept
4 Siblings Without Rivalry
4 Adventures in Gentle Discipline
3 Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles
3 Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-child Relationships from Reaction And Struggle to Freedom, Power And Joy
2 The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children
2 Parenting from the Inside Out
2 Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way
2 Your Competent Child: Towards New Basic Values for the Family
2 The Discipline Book (Dr Sears)
2 Everyday Blessings: The inner working of the Mindful Parent
2 The Natural Child: parenting from the heart
1 Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
1 Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
1 Living Joyfully with Children
1 Kids are Worth It
1 Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control
1 The Challenging Child
1 The Secret of Parenting
1 Parenting with Purpose
1 Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me: The Solution to Sibling Bickering
1 With Consent: parenting for all to win
1 Hold On To Your Kids
1 Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids
1 Scolding: Why It Hurts More Than It Helps
1 The Daily Groove: A Creative Parents' Guide to the Art of Attraction Parenting
1 Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline
1 Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes . . . in You and Your Kids!
1 Between Parent and Child
1 Between Parent and Teenager
1 Parent Effectiveness Training
1 The Emotional Life of the Toddler
1 The Scientist in the Crib
1 Raising Your Spirited Child

Book Discussions:

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves - Chapter 1
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves - Chapter 2
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves - Chapter 3

Unconditional Parenting - Chapter 1
Unconditional Parenting - Chapter 2
Unconditional Parenting - Chapter 3
Unconditional Parenting Chapter 4
Unconditional Parenting Chapter 5
Unconditional Parenting Chapter 6
Unconditional Parenting Chapter 7
Unconditional Parenting Chapter 8


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

of what I have read so far I am recommending:
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk - fast read, practical, straightforward advice, and completely non punitive.
Siblings Without Rivalry - written by the same authors as how to talk, just what we needed for dealing with those kids who always fight!
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child - I found this book to be one of the first books to change my thinking from controlling childs behavior to understanding childs emotions behind the behavior.
Parenting from the Inside Out - This is more about healing a parent from their own childhood, for me it was a little bit of a complicated read though and took me a while to read.
Playful Parenting - Really helped me turn some power struggles into fun cooperation.

(I read a lot) more books on the way I will add to my recommendations based on which ones I like.


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## zech13_9_goforgold (Jun 24, 2008)

"Have a New Kid By Friday" is one I recommend.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

added everything up to post 3


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## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

"Becoming the Parent You Want to Be"...forget the author though. I think there's a section on "Books" in the sticky "GD Resources" too...


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## labdogs42 (Jan 21, 2009)

Another vote for:

How to Talk...
Playful Parenting

and I'd like to add Adventures in Gentle Discipline to the list.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

updated to post 6

Thanks Carlyle, I didn't think to check there! This will probably still be a fun thread to have floating around


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## crittersmum (Feb 26, 2008)

Terrific idea, and I love that you're ranking them by number of recommendations.

Another vote for _Playful Parenting_ (dogeared at our house) and How _To Talk..._ (in my second book club about this, so I can keep the ideas percolating in my head!)


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

We should start a discussion on How to talk... in the book club forum








I added your recommendations in crittersmum, I thought the ranking would be helpful for those just getting started, of course it also helps to hear why people recommend certain books


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

looking forward to more recommendations


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## labdogs42 (Jan 21, 2009)

I'm reading Scream Free parenting right now (well, I'm listening to the Audible download) and it is very good, too. I'll write some more about it when I finish reading it! Hopefully I'll be done soon!


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zech13_9_goforgold* 
"Have a New Kid By Friday" is one I recommend.

this should not be on a GD list. it's mainstream parenting.


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

Rosenberg, Marshall, Raising Children Compassionatley: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way

Greene, Ross, The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children (much of what is in here can apply to any child, esp one who is struggling with anything)

Kabat-Zin Jon and Myla, Everyday Blessings: The inner working of the Mindful Parent

Aldort, Naomi, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-child Relationships from Reaction And Struggle to Freedom, Power And Joy

Liedloff, Jean, The Continuum Concept

Sweet, Win, Living Joyfully with Children

Leo, Pam, Connection Parenting

oh, i wanted to add this one:

Noelle, Scott, The Daily Groove: A Creative Parents' Guide to the Art of Attraction Parenting
(i haven't actually read it, though a friend's photo is on the cover,







but i do get "the daily groove" everyday and it's pure GD and more)


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

Kids are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso. She addresses the different types of parenting styles and the effects they have on children. She also talks about helping your child build inner discipline, which for us is one of our main parenting goals.

I also really, really liked Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control. It wouldn't be just the one book I would read on the subject because it is written for helping children with severe behavioral issues. But, it was an eye opener for me in helping me understand how we all develop as children and, if we are not parented correctly/abandoned/etc., how that can severely affect the way a person develops. The authors compare the current treatments for children with severe behaviors versus their treatment. It is scary and heartbreaking to read some of the conventional wisdom on children and it is a relief to see that there are others out there who have found a better way.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

thank you for your contributions honey. I removed the new kid by friday from the list as well (I also felt this book was not GD from what I read in the store, but I hadn't read it so I was waiting to see what others thought)

I will be reading a few of the books you suggested as well, they are on the way!


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

thank you chesire!


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

I like this thread.









I've just started into it, but I'm getting a good feel from
Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, and having read a few other books of hers, I think I can confidently give it a recommendation.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

^I like that author







havent read that one though!


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## GradysMom (Jan 7, 2007)

Unconditional parenting...

but I thought there was already a GD book sticky because that is where I got the book titles I have.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

yep there is - its the GD resources. I was thinking we could add this link to is so people can see what comes most recommended. I like that the GD resources has it listed in alphabetical order too, so I think its nice to have both. adding your recommendation (that book is actually on the way to my house as well, I cant wait to read it!)


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I thought there was a sticky too -- maybe it's time to update? Here goes:

My books tend to be more on the positive discipline side than the consentual living side (I just can't make CL work as a PARENTING model):

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen
Kids, Parents & Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (though I actually like Kids, Parents & Power Struggles better, and it's more up to date)
Connection Parenting by Pam Leo
How to Talk so Children will Listen... Faber and Mazlish
The Challenging Child by Stanley Greenspan (NB: This is a book for kids who need 'extra' help and/or relationships that need some repair)
The Secret of Parenting by Anthony Wolf (note: this is more coercive than some parents here like, but it's a good starter GD book)
The Explosive Child by Ross Greene
Parenting with Purpose by Lynda Madison (note: this is a good book for the 1-2-3 age range, especially for parents who are new to GD. I don't care for the advice for 4 year olds, and I'm pretty sure I ignored a few things she said about younger kids. But, it's one of the few books that talks about differences in disciplining a 1 and a 2 year old, since those are very, very different beings!)
Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me: The Solution to Sibling Bickering by Anthony Wolf (note: IMO, can only work with kids who are both old enough to be able to advocate for themselves)
Siblings without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish
The other thing I'd like to add is that it's really important to learn about basic child development so that your expectations and assumptions are developmentally appropriate. I wish I had a good, up-to-date, accessible book on child development from birth to 5 and from 5 to 10 to recommend, but I don't.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

that is soooo TRUE Lynn. The sticky lists a lot of these books in alphabetical order, which I found very helpful, gives book descriptions too! I just thought having them listen in order of frequency recommended would be a nice alternative way for some people Adding in your recs!


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

My votes:

#1 - How to Talk
#2 - Playful parenting


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

adding those votes in now!


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## LittleSoulMama (Apr 11, 2008)

Here are mine:

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves
Unconditional Parenting
The Continuum Concept
Connection Parenting
Parenting from the Inside Out

and these ones aren't on your list yet but they are all great books:

Your Competent Child: Towards New Basic Values for the Family - Jesper Juul
The Natural Child: parenting from the heart - Jan Hunt
With Consent: parenting for all to win - Jan Fortune-Wood (I think this has now been published as Winning Parent, Winning Child)


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

The Continuum Concept- anthropological and philosophical study of traditional gd tribal culture. I wish I had read this 6 yrs ago, but knowing it now has been revolutionary nonetheless.

Hold On To Your Kids- if you're discouraged, read the last part first

Unconditional Parenting- another philosophical discussion

I don't typically enjoy or agree with many of the more practical books for people who want ideas for how to deal with x situation (I have no prejudice toward those who do; they just don't meet my particular needs for the sort of information I seek). I am much happier to learn the philosophy and then the practical ideas come naturally to me, so UP and CC were very useful- for the exact reason that many find them to be use_less_







.

HOTYK has both the philosophy and the practical (last part) and was most useful to me in tracking my own patterns and those of my dh regarding our upbringings. It helped to confirm what we'd instinctually known about the bonds in our own little family and that having already been resisting the urging of others to purposefully peer-orient our children, we were/are not alone in our assessment and understanding why we ought keep their orientation to and from their parental bonds.


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## Mummyof2ooo (Jul 16, 2007)

I got kids parent and power struggles in the mail today from Amazon I cant wait to start it.

I checked out a few from the library but havnt started them yet. Anyone read
The Case Against Spanking by irwin a Hyman
or
Smart Discipline by Larry J Koenig

If they are mainstream and not any where geared toward GD I dont want to start them..


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## b_light (Jan 10, 2006)

Continuum Concept

Raising Children Compassionately, even Nonviolent Communication (also by Marshall Rosenburg), although it is not explicitly a parenting book

Playful Parenting

Unconditional Parenting

Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids (surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet, it's my favorite)


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

updated to post 28 - thank you so much to everyone who has participated! i love book recommendations and its fun to see it laid out this way!


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

Going to be starting the unconditional parenting book club, join here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...6#post13322836

I will add the links for each chapter discussion to the original thread once we get started.


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

Here are my recommendations so far (might think of more later):

Unconditional Parenting
Your Competent Child: Towards New Basic Values for the Family
Scolding: Why It Hurts More Than It Helps (by Erik Sigsgaard)


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

thank you for your addition to our list rabbitmum!


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## mommabear207 (Nov 19, 2007)

i rec. Kids, parents, and power struggles
I read most of playful parenting and while i think he has good points i thought it was also drawn out and repetitive. and maybe geared towards older kids (my oldest is 2)
any recs for convincing someone who isn't for spanking but isn't totally GD? ie thinks we should time out, is ok with "talking loud" telling ds hes bad....?


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## foodmachine (Jul 17, 2008)

Nice thread!
I love esp. when folks write "why nots" as well as the "why" for not liking/liking a book, as well as age appropriateness, etc.
There are so many good books, but not all meet everyone's needs/likes. Thanks for the info.
I'm on my 1st book and will write here after I've formed some solid opinions.


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## foodmachine (Jul 17, 2008)

I have an idea. If someone writes a review or gives an opinion with a few details, the number of that post could appear next to the title on the master list. It could help us make informed choices.
But I don't want to give you any more work Super Glue Mommy.


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## webjefita (Aug 16, 2003)

Great idea!

My favorite books:

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline : I can't *believe* this hasn't been recommended! My #1 favorite. I have read it about three times and still working on it. It is all about disciplining ourselves, and modeling our values like self control, assertiveness, etc. for our children. It does have a good mix of philosophy, exercises, and practical situations and suggestions. I'm not doing it justice here at all but it is an excellent resource.

Continuum Concept-- as well as all the articles on the website --http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading.html

Siblings Without Rivalry

The Discipline Book (Sears)


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## webjefita (Aug 16, 2003)

Quote:

any recs for convincing someone who isn't for spanking but isn't totally GD? ie thinks we should time out, is ok with "talking loud" telling ds hes bad....?
Sorry if you're in this situation. Unfortunately no recommendations unless that person is seeking them out. (You never know!) In the meantime, I think one can continually model one's values and lead by example. I know my DH, while he never reads or even talks to me about discipline, does pick up on what I do (good and bad!) Also, talking to the DC very openly about one's beliefs and how to respond to others. I have to do this whenever well-meaning family members tell my children to "Be good!" I usually say, "Of course they're good! They're always good!" And with my 5yr I have very matter of fact conversations about how every baby is born perfect and good and that everyone, including adults, makes mistakes and does things they shouldn't. We are continually learning all our lives. And when Grandpa says "Are you being good?" he should never, ever think that means he could somehow be *bad*.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *webjefita* 
Great idea!

My favorite books:

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline : _I can't *believe* this hasn't been recommended!_

I CAN lol - I know its a GD book but I can see why its not one that is at the top of anyone's recommendation list (though admittedly I've only browsed the book in person, I saw too much bad examples to justify buying it - im sure it has a ton of good advice in it though!)


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## Materfamilias (Feb 22, 2008)

SuperGlueMommy-- the link in your siggy doesn't work for me.

I like How to Talk for the nice concrete advice it gives (I had it from the library and just ordered it from Amazon)
and I'm in the middle of Adventures in Gentle Discipline and already recommend it highly


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

thanks - ill fix that now and add your recommendations!


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## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommabear207* 
i rec. Kids, parents, and power struggles
I read most of playful parenting and while i think he has good points i thought it was also drawn out and repetitive. and maybe geared towards older kids (my oldest is 2)
any recs for convincing someone who isn't for spanking but isn't totally GD? ie thinks we should time out, is ok with "talking loud" telling ds hes bad....?

i would recommend UP. i think there is a DVD to go with it for reluctant dads! there is a section in there on why time outs are just as bad (emotionally) as spanking.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

I think I need that DVD for DH lol where can I find a copy?


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## mommabear207 (Nov 19, 2007)

Thanks. I'm ordering UP. hopefully I get it in time to join in the discussion! I was trying to think of Kohn as I remembered reading his Punished by Rewards years ago and was thinking his points were what I'm trying to tell DH.


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## MommyDOK (Jan 9, 2003)

I love Dr. Sears, "The Discipline Book"

and Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes . . . in You and Your Kids!
By: Scott Turansky, Joanne ******---I like this book bc it is heavy on looking at yourself too, which is hard sometimes for some of us









great thread, thanks! I've read almost all of the books, but a few more have been added for me to look up.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

updated, and I added another vote for connection parenting, from me


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## mommabear207 (Nov 19, 2007)

Read Unconditional Parenting and it diffently gets a vote from me! Its now my top go to book.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

adding in your rec mommabear


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

im reading UP right now and I have a feeling I'll be adding in a vote for that one as well.

I read the explosive child and I'm also reading the sensitive child. While the insight is good, they have been a boring read for me and I haven't gotten anything "big" from those reads yet. I've probably read at least 20 books at this point but always open to more!


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## velcromom (Sep 23, 2003)

My two favorites are Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott and Between Parent and Teenager, same author. Very clear, gives actual examples of what to say & more importantly, not say, to establish a positive line of communication. The author is who Faber & Mazlish (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen... authors) learned from.

Oh, and if you have a kid who doesn't seem to respond to positive communication, and fits the "spirited child" description, try The Explosive Child. It contains info and suggestions I have not found in other books.


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## Mirzam (Sep 9, 2002)

Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control books I and II by Helen T Forbes.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

that first book you mentioned is on the way to my house already, I got it because I loved how to talk... and saw that is who they learned from!


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

I am going to add in my vote for Unconditional Parenting now, and update the book discussion links


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

added a link to another chapter discussion!


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## krystyn33 (May 30, 2006)

Unconditional Parenting
Playful Parenting
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
Connection Parenting
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-child Relationships from Reaction And Struggle to Freedom, Power And Joy
Everyday Blessings: The inner working of the Mindful Parent
The Natural Child: parenting from the heart

I've read all of these & draw from them regularly.

I would add Thomas Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (on the same order as How to Talk--uses non-violent communication & active listening strategies)

The Emotional Life of the Toddler and The Scientist in the Crib have been useful to me in understanding where my toddler is coming from & why he does some of the things he does.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

Thank you Kristin - updated!


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

I think there will be a book discussion on Connection Parenting soon:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1070532


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *krystyn33* 
Unconditional Parenting
Playful Parenting
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
Connection Parenting

I vote for these, plus:

Siblings Without Rivalry
Raising Your Spirited Child


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## mamacatsbaby (Jul 27, 2005)

Subbing!

Another vote for Adventures In Gentle Discipline. I tried reading UP but that was not at all up my ally.

I'm reading SFP now. Not sure how I feel about it just yet.

Anybody like the Brazleton 'Touchpoint' books? I'm looking for a good childhood development book. I've only had time to skim this thread so maybe something has been mentioned that I missed.


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

One thing that I think might be useful is having a recommended ages for certain books. I went a bit book-crazy when DS1 was born...and although all of the books were great... some of them were much more applicable to certain ages than others.

My favorites... "Playful Parenting", "Unconditional Parenting," and "Adventures in Gentle Disicpline."


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## foodmachine (Jul 17, 2008)

mamacatsbaby said:


> Subbing!
> 
> Another vote for Adventures In Gentle Discipline. I tried reading UP but that was not at all up my ally.
> 
> ...


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## WuWei (Oct 16, 2005)

I like *Connection Parenting* by Pam Leo. It is very practical. The subtitle is "Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear". I highly recommend it. Even more than Naomi Aldort's because it goes beyond validation to creating solutions. http://www.amazon.com/Connection-Parenting-Through-Instead-Coercion/dp/193227917\
2/sr=8-1/qid=1158853700/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-4052086-2190453?ie=UTF8&s=books

Here are the chapter titles:

1. *Connecting with Ourselves*

2. *Connecting with Children through Respecting Children* (I have to add the explanation of this chapter, it is so novel: "Respect is the foundation of connection. We teach children respect by modeling respect. We model respect by treating children with the same respect we expect.") !!

3. *Connecting through Listening to Children's Feelings
*
4. *Connecting through Filling the Love Cup
*
5. *Connecting through Communication that Builds Relationship
*
6. *Connecting through Decoding Children's Behavior* (Again, I have to delight in the explanation of this chapter: "Children communicate their emotional hurts and needs through their behavior. When we learn to recognize chidren's acting out behavior as a communication of an unmet need, we can respond to children's needs instead of react to their behavior.")

7. *Connecting with Our Own Needs*: "Parents have needs too. Families work best when everyone's needs are met."

Here is her website: http://www.connectionparenting.com/

And Amazon reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Connection-Parenting-Through-Instead-Coercion/product-reviews/1932279172/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_helpful?ie=UTF8&coliid=&showViewp oints=1&colid=&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

Pam Leo is a parent (and grandparent) of two grown children. She has btdt with creating solutions with multiple children while working full time as a mother.

Pat


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

updated!


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## mamacatsbaby (Jul 27, 2005)

foodmachine said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *mamacatsbaby*
> ...


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

let us know... there has been a lot of talk about that one lately and no recs but it's sounding good from what I have heard so far.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

added more links to discussions


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## Sasharna (Nov 19, 2008)

I want to add another vote for Playful Parenting. It's about so much more than the title suggests. I've learned so much about human nature in general through this book, and I'm not even finished reading it yet. I like how the book is very specific with suggestions for what the parent can do in various situations. A lot of GD books are too light on the examples and that can inspire doubt in the reader. Not this book!


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