# He eats WHAT for lunch???



## Snowflower (Dec 19, 2007)

I just have to get this off my chest!! My friend has a son a little older than my dd. We have made completely different parenting choices and that's fine.....

BUT ICE CREAM FOR LUNCH?! ..on a regular if not daily basis?? HE'S 2!

We went to a soup/salad buffet place w the kids and dd and I ate veggies of all sorts havin a great time. Her boy won't touch the mac n cheese or pizza bread she offered him and is being a handful. So she gives up quickly and gives him chocolate milk, chocolate muffin and chocolate ice cream WITH chocolate sauce AND candy sprinkles! My dd eats Super Mega Healthy and has no idea what ice cream or candy is. Later that night she sent me a pic of him licking the cookie batter from the spoon...cookies for dinner?

FF a few days later... We're talking about the 2 yr molers coming in and she says "ya, he's been saying 'mommy my mouth hurts' for months and he won't eat anything so I just give him ice cream cuz I figure its better than nothing."

WWYD? should i mmob?


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

You might want to call her back right now and tell her that if she ever enrolls her child in any public program like WIC, Head Start, or if god forbid no one else sees him until he starts kindergartena t age 5, if he has a mouthful of rotten teeth, CPS can be called and he can be removed from her home, or at the very least they closely monitor her for medical neglect.

It happened to a little girl in the special ed class where I worked a couple years ago. Thankfully she was not removed, but the mother was already overwhelmed and it added more stress to her life having these people call and harass her beyond what you'd think is reasonable. OTOH, it is absolutely horrible that her poor little boy has to live like that. I can't imagine my child complaining of pain for more than a few HOURS before I did somethign about it.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Just a reminder of the Parenting forum guidelines:

Quote:

Please avoid negative characterizations, insults, blanket statements, condemnations of others, etc. Members are welcome to post seeking advice, opinions or suggestions on how best to handle conflict, and we welcome posts about changing attitudes as a whole and how to deal with differing views. Venting is understandable, however, we will discourage bashing. Threads/posts that are inflammatory, hurtful or disrespectful will be removed. We are here to discuss our personal parenting paths, not to bash others who may chose differently. We advocate compassionate and respectful approaches to parenting challenges. We hope that a parent who posts looking for information and support will be empathetically received and helped so that the child behind the posts will benefit in a very real way.
Answering the OP's question about whether or not she should mind her own business is fine (I vote yes to MYOB, BTW), but we're not going to engage in wholesale condemnation of a stranger's parenting choices. If that's what the thread turns into, it will be removed.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I just want to remind everyone of the parenting guidelines:

Quote:

Please avoid negative characterizations, insults, blanket statements, condemnations of others, etc. Members are welcome to post seeking advice, opinions or suggestions on how best to handle conflict, and we welcome posts about changing attitudes as a whole and how to deal with differing views. Venting is understandable, however, we will discourage bashing. Threads/posts that are inflammatory, hurtful or disrespectful will be removed. We are here to discuss our personal parenting paths, not to bash others who may chose differently. We advocate compassionate and respectful approaches to parenting challenges. We hope that a parent who posts looking for information and support will be empathetically received and helped so that the child behind the posts will benefit in a very real way
Please keep responses to whether or how the OP can help in this situation, and not turn this into bashing someone elses parenting choices.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Yeah, what Annette said!


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Erm... you have now been modpiled. Carry on.


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## lerlerler (Mar 31, 2004)

of course you should myob!

The only time I would ever interfere is if there is a case where a Mom THINKS something is safe/legal and is not (for example... 2 year old in a booster and they say "that's what my pediatrician said")

It's her choice (not a good one in my book, but still...) it's not as if she doesn't know better! Maybe she's exhausted and overwrought? If this is the case, help her out an offer to watch her dc for a few hours. I KNow MY "bad" parenting choices are almost always made when I know better but am too tired to care

The MOST I would say is "hey, my DD loved cucumbers when she's teathing.. ever try it?"


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## bethanyclaire (Dec 17, 2004)

If it isn't a tooth health issue and it is simply a matter of pain from his molars coming in then I'd be inclined to mmob, for sure.

If it has been going on for months and could be genuine tooth pain from cavities then I might say something. Maybe you could just suggest a good pediatric dentist to her casually? You could just say you remembered that she mentioned her DS's mouth hurt and you know this awesome dentist... blah, blah, blah. Maybe she doesn't realize that he should already be seeing a dentist regularly? It would be a gentle way to open the lines of communication. If it is a matter of money maybe she'll say so and you could look into some clinics or state health coverage that could help.

In that situation I just don't think I'd be comfortable saying NOTHING but I wouldn't want to alienate her, either. She might genuinely need some guidance.


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## mariamadly (Jul 28, 2009)

As far as the food, I'd probably start with an indirect approach like offering options or ideas. Would he maybe be willing to try something at your place that he wouldn't for his own mom? I mean, if they're visiting and you have soft but healthy options like yogurt, or non-sweetened quickbreads (maybe made with tofu?) . . . or homemade "popsicles" made with carrot juice or something similar?

But if your friend says he's been complaining about pain "for months", I'd try my best to get her to take him to the dentist, or even start with her doc. Poor LO.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Since she talked to you about how her son's teeth hurt, you could recommend a dentist, and let the dentist do the dirty work. But I would also MYOB re the food choices.


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## akwifeandmomma (Aug 13, 2005)

I'd mostly mmob.
I *might* suggest alternatives (yogurt? apple slices? whole fruit popsicles? smoothies? ... etc.) if the subject arose again.
I might also wonder aloud if he might need to see a dentist for his sensitive teeth?


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## BellaClaudia (Aug 1, 2008)

well.. he is 2 an and the original poster said that his mollars are cutting out
and that is possible that kiddo would find relief in cold things as icecream..
and amazingly enough many people do serve popsicles and or icecreams
when the kids do complain so much.

then again, you don't know what else he is eatting all day long,
maybe he has his serving of fruits and veggies and meat at home
at other times?

I would not jumping to juding her that quickly.

I have seen tons of kids that are very hard to manage in public situations
at this age and they won't eat much anyway as they are too excited
and so they are served junk food..

I had some episodes of this myself when my dd that is normally super
healthy eather organic stuff.. her favorites are green veggies, and all kinds of meat and you name it and it is healthy home cooked meals..

but when we used to take her to any restaurant she would not care aobut
their food.. everything just tasted wrong to her.. and frankly I don't think
it is that healthy or nutritious anyways considering all chemicals they spread on salads to make them look green, or meat tenderizers.. or swamping meat in fried oil htat is overheated and burned and just yacky..

we adult can go with it but the little ones are oftentimes used to home cooking and they just don't care for restaurant food..
sweets is different story.. they can settle for that.

so..in our house at certain age long ago when she was aobut that age when she was having terrible mollar issues and she was very picky eather.. we used to feed a little one good home meal food right before we went to the restaurant so we would not have to worry about her eating junk and something accidental and she would be set,
I would also take some healthy snack for her and give her some food from our plates if she was interested and usually she was not...
I let her have desert.. was I bed mother? I don't think so...
after restaurant visit we would go straight to feeding her with
healthy food at home again.
I dont think that any kid would expire during 2 hour restaurant visit
provided he or she is fed prior and subsequently and snacks on apples
or other fruits home brought inbetween. otherwise we would need
to live ina kitchen trailers even going to the park.

few years down the road.. she will eat happily any food from
any restaurant without any problem. yet she still preffers home food
at the same time she has no problem with pizzas, hamburgers
and other stuff out there.. so that is the case.

If one had not have a child with terrble mollar experience
then one can't realte to the acutal distress they cause
to a child and how it impacts everything, yet I am sure
that child is well cared for and what you saw can't be
a whole picture I am sure.

so.. no, I would not jump to conclusions or judgements..


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## Mylie (Mar 15, 2004)

I wouldn't want anyone telling me co-sleeping is dangerous and I should absolutely not do it because I might smother my kid.

That is why we have freedom of choice..As long as the kid isn't in danger she is the parent and has the right to feed her kid whatever she wants..Just like I do.My kid has never had a soda pop in her life but there are babies in her daycare that are getting it..As long as they don't judge me I won't judge them.

The way it is worded it sounds like she was saying his molars have been hurting him not that he has a mouth full of cavities.


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## AndrewsMother (Jul 30, 2007)

At the age of two, my DS ate collard greens, Kales, spinach, green peas, anything green. Now at the age of two he prefers, broccoli, cheeseburgers and french fries. When we eat out, he might eat, he might not. DS eats well 90% of the time. Some days 80%. Sometimes 100%. Sometimes I am tired and not up for the fight. He might eat fruit and salad all day long then go out to dinner and only eat dessert.

I know this, random strangers and friends don't know this.

MYOB is a good plan.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Oh I probably would say 'wow, that's a lot of sugar for someone his age' and fully expect to be ignored. Most people are not terribly up to speed on nutrition issues. I would suggest that the pain should be checked by a dentist.

I do give DD popcicles (fruit, no sugar added) in hot weather and if she has teething pain or a sore throat. Eating out for us is a crap shoot. She might eat, she might throw it all on the floor and run screaming.









Sugar happens to everyone. No need to volunteer for it though.

V


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

If it was just at the restaurant, I wouldn't say anything. But if he really only, ever eats ice cream, then something needs to be said.


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

OP....I want to say just a couple of things as gently and genuinely as I can.

Sometimes it's really difficult to get a child to eat what they should. Somtimes we have great ideals that we want to impress upon our children (good diet, good hygiene, basic good behavior). These ideals may not take hold when our children are small. These are battles that as mothers we get to deal with.

I hate to think about the things I have let my children eat because the just wouldn't eat anything else. Out of 9 children I have had, there has been at least two that were difficult about what they wanted to eat. When I had my first two children there were things I swore I'd never let them have, or things they would never be allowed to eat. You'd b e surprised how much my opinions changed....of myself or other parents.

Please don't think that the mom you know is a bad mom. For her she is probably doing the best she can. Even if to us we raise or eyebrows at her....she knows what people think and I am quite sure she is ashamed...even if she doesn't act like it.


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

If licking the spoon while making cookies is wrong, I don't want to be right


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## Snowflower (Dec 19, 2007)

Thanks guys. I'm just in shock, I think. I know his diet is atrocious. Like fast food based, its the massive amount of sugar that worries me tho. She is very defensive and hard to talk to about parenting issues, so I'm gonna mmob as suggested. I just wanted to make sure no one thought his health was in immediate danger. The massive amount (and I mean MASSIVE w/o getting into details..) of sugar has been daily since he was 6 months old. I guess I'm afraid she's created a situation she doesn't know how to get out of (not that I do) and she needs someone to tell her! It seems like he is manipulating her by not eating anything cuz he knows ice cream or something sweet is on it way.

The dentist recc is a great thought! I can just ask if he's seen one yet and go from there.

btw- I don't judge her, I know and love her. I just don't when to keep my mouth shut or muster up the courage to say something.








Thanks again.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Myob


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

I second the "myob" approach.

My not quite 4 year old is an extremely picky eater. His only protein intake are Aidell's chicken and apple sausages, breaded chicken, fruit flavored yogurts, and cheese. The only vegetables I can get into him on a regular basis are in the form of spaghetti sauce and pumpkin in quick breads.

He is not one of those kids who will just eat anything if he's hungry enough, and starving him until he'll eat what I want him to eat doesn't exactly improve his behavior. Not a hill I'm ready to die on.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Definitely MYOB.

FWIW, I'm awful danged crunchyfied and my 18month old LOVES everything from sushi to mujadarrah. At the same time, I'm certainly not above letting her have some ice cream or cookie dough. For that matter she's had ice cream AND cookie dough. And she still scarfs her veggies and prefers her salad 'nakee' (naked), loves whole grain 'noodies' and the whole nine yards.

Then again, this is the same kid who wolfed down a massive handful of deer turds when she was 9 months old...







:










Remember mama...everything in moderation. Including moderation


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## DocsNemesis (Dec 10, 2005)

I think I'd mmob. Does he have any cavities that you can see or is it just pain from teething? I do agree that if he has cavities, you might want to mention seeing a dentist or something.

I've had issues with my kids before and refusing to eat healthy foods. My 4 year old ONLY wants chicken nuggets lately. But the real difficult one is my eldest.

As a toddler, he would only eat mac and cheese. Plain. No veggies or anything else in it because he'd refuse. Period. When he got older, it was chicken nuggets (lol). Now its breakfast food-cereal, toast, and poptarts are all he wants. And the thing is, even if I refuse him those foods, he will NOT eat. Even as a toddler. It got to a point when he was 7 or so where he had lost 10 pounds over the course of a year or so (and he's skinny to begin with), so his doctors decided him eating anything, junk food included, was better than what he was doing. They were close to putting him on IV nutrition over it. So, he was eating McDonalds cheeseburgers twice a day and candy as a snack. Realllll healthy.

Anyway, I'm just trying to say that in some cases, mama really has exhausted other options. I'm not saying this is the case, but she is right in that he does need some form of food. I don't know if her ds is as stubborn as my kids but if they are, I can see why she'd give in.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DocsNemesis* 
And the thing is, even if I refuse him those foods, he will NOT eat. Even as a toddler. It got to a point when he was 7 or so where he had lost 10 pounds over the course of a year or so (and he's skinny to begin with), so his doctors decided him eating anything, junk food included, was better than what he was doing.

That sounds like my ds3... sometimes it gets to the point where ANY nutrition is better than nothing. I try to get the healthiest junk food I can into him (ie: real cheese as opposed to Kraft singles, spaghetti sauce and noodles spiked with parm rather than Spaghetti-O's, a bowl of Pho rather than Cup O Noodles, my homemade pumpkin muffins rather than a twinkie, 100% fruit freezie pops rather than a crappy popscicle), but I can't always win.


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## Snowflower (Dec 19, 2007)

Thank you Docsnemesis. I needed to know it happens and he'll survive.








and that chocolate ice cream is better than nothin.

I guess I DO know that..my sister lived on Wonder bread and miracle whip.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

As much as reading what he ate made my tummy ache, I still say MYOB.

Unless, you think she'd really be receptive of your suggestions. I guess it would depend on my relationship wth said friend. I would totally hope to avoid sounding judgemental about her ds's diet - but with food, it's touchy depending on how you approach it, kwim? No one wants to feel like someone thinks they are a bad parent - I think we beat ourselves up enough.

If it was a close friend, she would know that nutrition is important to me... I might mention stuff like what I recently learned to cook from scratch or how many different vegetables I got his week. I guess that if she herself was concerned about her child's food intake or wanted ideas for new things to try - she would know I was there to offer advice and to share things I read.

Basically, I don't think I would come out and say, hey, I'm worried about your kid's health and teeth b/c he eats junk all the time! Even though you mean well, it could come across as mean/hurtful/judgemental and risk ruining your relationship.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

The only thing I'd think about saying is that "months" is a long time for his teeth to be hurting every day and it might be good to have a dentist doublecheck that everything's okay.

Yeah, it's the sugar, but she's defensive about that, so instead maybe mention what if a tooth is coming in sideways or something.


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Snowflower* 
I know his diet is atrocious. Like fast food based, its the massive amount of sugar that worries me tho.

Honestly, unless you're by his side all day every day, you really _don't_ know this. You know what you've seen during select snapshots in his life, and what she has said. If you and I were talking about our kids eating habits for the past couple of weeks, you'd be equally horrified. I'd be saying things like "they've lived on candy for the past couple weeks, then you have the sugar cookies with frosting and candy decorations we made a couple weeks ago. Oh and don't forget the extra ones I made for the party the Sunday before Halloween where they loaded up on crap and the parent teacher meetings where I gave them $5 for snacks and they were scarfing on cookies and cupcakes!" If you asked "what about meals though?" I'd laugh and say with being so busy they've had a lot of chicken nuggets, fries and fish sticks! Sounds pretty darn atrocious, doesn't it? But what I don't mention (and most probably wouldn't) is that every morning there have been very nutritious meals, their lunches and snacks have been overall very wholesome on a daily basis and the chicken nuggets, fish sticks and fries have been 3 nights out of 2 weeks. All that candy? 2-3 little pieces a day (which honestly is more than usual, but it's from halloween). The cookies at the p/t conferences were the size of half dollars, etc.

I definitely think it's a case of myob.


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## Snowflower (Dec 19, 2007)

Thanks Dummerswife. This is all true. I know she thinks about it when she sees our healthy choices. She does seem interested and asks me questions sometimes, so that's good. I think she seems concerned, but doesn't want to deal w it. I'll tread lightly and try to share ideas.
Unfortunately she has said his diet is "horrible all around' but I don't really know to what extent she means. My concern is really just the too much sugar thing.

Good call on the side ways tooth suggestion too, sapphire chan. Def a good way to to get her in there!


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Snowflower* 
Thanks Dummerswife. This is all true. I know she thinks about it when she sees our healthy choices. She does seem interested and asks me questions sometimes, so that's good. I think she seems concerned, but doesn't want to deal w it. I'll tread lightly and try to share ideas.
Unfortunately she has said his diet is "horrible all around' but I don't really know to what extent she means. My concern is really just the too much sugar thing.

Good call on the side ways tooth suggestion too, sapphire chan. Def a good way to to get her in there!

you know, I think on the sugar issue... I might mention to her how awfully taxing sugar is to the body, especially the immune system and relate it in a way to H1N1. So many people are worried about their kids getting sick, if she's one - it could be something she's simply not aware of. It won't change the fact that the kid might be a bit addicted to it, since it sounds like he has so much of it a day. I don't know, though, 'cause again it really depends on the friend and the relationship you have. I can think of a few friends I'm not super close to that no way would would I even open my mouth about the majority of things I would say to family or close friends, yk? Mostly to let on how odd I really am







But then there are people whom I would feel comfortable enough --like my own mom, when I told her I believe whole milk is healthier for everyone, not just toddlers - as she was looking at 1% milk in the grocery store.

You could invite her to the farmer's market sometime, or to a cooking class? I don't know, that may seem weird. I am betting she just really doesn't know the full impact of nutrition with regards to lifelong health. When I think of what I have learned in the past few years, it's a ton of information. Maybe she's just not at a place, for whatever reason, where she wants to sorta grasp it all and make huge dietary habit changes.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

For what it's worth, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, chocolate ice cream would be a FAR better choice than say, spinach. Or any other vegetable. Mostly because it has fat in it. And I don't think mac and cheese or pizza bread is necessarily better than ice cream anyway. The ice cream has more sugar but probably has way more protein too.


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## Snowflower (Dec 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife* 

You could invite her to the farmer's market sometime, or to a cooking class? I don't know, that may seem weird. I am betting she just really doesn't know the full impact of nutrition with regards to lifelong health. When I think of what I have learned in the past few years, it's a ton of information. Maybe she's just not at a place, for whatever reason, where she wants to sorta grasp it all and make huge dietary habit changes.

That is a Great idea! She's even suggested it before And I just saw an ad for a nourishing traditions based cooking class near by! It must be meant to be!


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## Krisis (May 29, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
You might want to call her back right now and tell her that if she ever enrolls her child in any public program like WIC, Head Start, or if god forbid no one else sees him until he starts kindergartena t age 5, if he has a mouthful of rotten teeth, CPS can be called and he can be removed from her home, or at the very least they closely monitor her for medical neglect.

Seriously?









Quote:


Originally Posted by *lach* 
If licking the spoon while making cookies is wrong, I don't want to be right



















At the age of almost 2 my DS went from a great eater to a really picky pain in the butt. He now eats french fries, some kinds of crackers, grapes and take-out curry. Pretty much it. Balanced diet, not so much. Some days all he gets is crackers (seriously, that's all he eats all day because it's all he'll take.) My grandma tells me all the time that I don't feed him enough and he's too skinny and he doesn't eat enough and blah blah blah and I just roll my eyes... he eats what he wants, when he wants it, and clearly it's enough because he's still growing. Even if it's not the healthiest diet in the world, at least it's got SOME healthy things in it and he's happy. I would mind my own business for sure.

I'm always terrified when we go out to eat and order DS a grilled cheese sandwich or some kind of healthy entree and he wants nothing to do with it and eats only fries and crackers. Don't judge me cos my kid is picky!









Also, ice cream is totally healthy. So is pizza (it has grain, fruit, vegetable, dairy, and protein. It's like a miracle food!







)


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

I agree with the MYOB approach. I was a picky eater too. After I was weaned, I never wanted to drink any other kind of milk. I still hate cows milk to this day. When I was little, I would peel the cheese and topping off pizza and just eat the dough.







My mom was so confizzled.







My ped said, "well, you can't force her to eat.."

Now, my second son is a picky eater too.( I grew out of it) I do offer one thing on his plate that I know he won't eat. He still doesnt. He is so stubborn, he will voluntarily go without anything else the rest of the night after he has eaten what he wishes.
If that is toast and a few bites of spaghetti without even touching the broccoli or salad with it, he will. He just won't budge when it comes to stuff he doesn't like. Not even dessert with dissuade him. I hope he has a career in politics.










Dental care is a different ballgame, imo, it is very important that teeth be taken care of. I would give her some names of some pediatric dentists for sure, if she says his mouth is hurting.


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

I would pretty much myob. If she mentions his tooth pain again, maybe ask, "what does his dentist say about it?" and then have a fabulous recommendation for a pediatric dentist at the ready if she wants one. But if she doesn't, zip it. Or possibly invite them for lunch and make a tasting platter of healthy little things that lots of toddlers love that he could choose from, but don't push it if he doesn't want any, kwim? Model, rather than inform. "Helpful information" almost always feels like judgement. At least, it does to me.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Yeah, MYOB. I agree that his diet probably isn't healthy, but you don't totally know what's going on. You're right that he's probably addicted to sugar and it will be a hard fight for her to get him off of it, but that's her own battle to fight.

All kids go through picky periods. A child development book said that par for the course ages 2-3.5 was one meal a day. At 4 kids are supposedly more open to suggestion when it comes to food, but I'm not there yet, so I don't know. I know that at almost 20yo, my sister still only eats ground beef, mac n cheese, and ramen noodles







.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noobmom* 
For what it's worth, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, chocolate ice cream would be a FAR better choice than say, spinach. Or any other vegetable. Mostly because it has fat in it. And I don't think mac and cheese or pizza bread is necessarily better than ice cream anyway. The ice cream has more sugar but probably has way more protein too.

Broccoli is actually pretty much a complete food, it'd screw with your endocrine system a bit, but much less than a steady intake of sugar.

Plus, you're assuming good ice cream from real ingredients and not processed corn syrup solids and whey.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Also, have you mentioned smoothies to her? It sounds like she's actually worried about what he eats, but is overwhelmed. I bet that getting his teeth fixed will make him more willing to eat, but meanwhile smoothies are soft, sweet with fruit, and fun to watch come together as all the different colors swirl up.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lach* 
If licking the spoon while making cookies is wrong, I don't want to be right


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## texmama (Jun 4, 2005)

If I were you, next time the situation presents itself and it seems like she's asking your opinion, I'd casually mention what my kids enjoy that satisfies their sweet tooth - like smoothies, cereal, yogurt, frozen fruit (like grapes and mango), muffins...


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

I'd mmob. And honestly, my DS1's 2.5 and won't be seeing a dentist till 3.5, because thats what my dentist (who I *LOVE* and have been seeing since I was a lil kid) recommends barring pain/other issues (ie teeth knocked out). I honestly have no idea where the closest pediatric dentist is, but I'd guess its at least a 1.5-2 hour drive away.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I would mmob. But perhaps offer some supportive helpful advice?

Quote:

It sounds like she's actually worried about what he eats, but is overwhelmed.
Because yeah - thats what it sounds like. For one, his mouth hurts - so thats a start. Its a pain when they get their teeth...its why we can't remember it! lol And its so hard to have a child who will not eat or will only eat certain foods. An idea like smoothies or soups, etc sounds brill and might be helpful. But beyond that, not your child. At least he isnt being swtiched with a willow stick.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Just a reminder:

Quote:

Concerns, constructive criticism and questions of clarification regarding the User Agreement or moderator and administrator actions are best addressed directly to the moderator or administrator by private message or personal e-mail. Please do not post on the board to debate, criticize, argue or challenge the MDC User Agreement, the moderators, administrators, or their actions. If private messages or emails are not successful, see Recourse for further steps. Please see the MDC User Agreement for more information


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## Ofwait (Feb 16, 2008)

If she keeps bringing up the tooth pain.... Suggest she take him to the dentist... otherwise... it isn't your business.
My SIL feeds her kids (my neice and nephew) all kinds of junk, constantly... I hate it, but does that give me the right to but in? No.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

One thing we used for teething pain was finely grated ice. My DD called it snow, and it had the consistency of snow. She was also picky when teething, but only ate strawberries, tomatoes, veggie juice, cheese and breast milk, with some occasional beans. I didn't worry because of all the breast milk. You could tell your friend that finely crushed ice helps and cold slightly acidic foods like tomatoes and strawberries can help too.


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lach* 
If licking the spoon while making cookies is wrong, I don't want to be right

















:

If you just saw my dd eating out or at other people's houses, you would think she ate nothing but sugar. She just won't eat when we aren't at home, so I feed her healthy stuff before we go, and don't really care what she eats once we are there. We just went to a birthday party today and all she ate was the icing off the cake and ice cream. But before we went she ate turkey, cheese squares, carrots, and apple slices. The funny thing is that when we came home we made cookies for a dinner at church tomorrow, and I put up pictures on FB of her licking the bowl!







It never occured to me that people would think she only eats sugar. I guess I need to start posting pictures of her eating carrots!


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

has she asked for your advice? if not then for now I would mind your own business.

If it comes up again you could say something like "are you worried he is not getting enough nutrition? this has been going on for a while.....how do you make sure his nutritional needs are getting met. that must be challenging" if she says no then drop it. if she says yes then perhaps sugggest some other foods he may be interested in such as yogurt or fruit sauces or smooties. plain ice cream. these might not be a lot better but at least a variety. and not candy.

the mouth hurting for two months. Is that normal? I would have suggested right then she take him to a pediatric dentist. There could be deeper issues that need to be addressed. of course he could have just rotted his teeth out already which then the dentist can do the firty work.

also keep in mind when she says "that is all he eats" may really mean "he eats way more than i am comfortable with" but he truely does eat other things. although just from what you saw i would say things look poorly for the poor little guy. but it is not your place to step in unless you are ready to end the friendship over it.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think you should keep your opinions about the food choices to yourself. A lot of people let their kids eat ice cream and cookies sometimes, especially if they are out at a special dinner. I don't think you can tell how your food restrictions will affect your child until they grow up and move out of the house so I think it is a little early to pat yourself on the back just because you have never introduced your child to sweets.

I do think that you should also recommend that she bring him to a dentist. He probably has some cavities, or even some dying teeth, causing him a lot of pain. I have seen many preschool children who have many teeth removed and cavities filling their mouths because they didn't brush adaquately. My dd's friend has had two root canals and has one false tooth and my mother's friend has a grandson who had to have four root canals and had some of his adult teeth affected by his bad diet before they even grew in and he was only four.


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## kimellett (Dec 30, 2008)

I know that family! Ok, not that exact one, but same situation. LO is given healthy meal, refuses to take a single bite, Mom breaks out the ice cream. Family came to our house for dinner, and we offered LO yogurt (called it ice cream) and she wasn't fooled. Didn't eat anything that night. We minded our own business, they didn't ask for advice or suggetions, so...


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WC_hapamama* 
I second the "myob" approach.

My not quite 4 year old is an extremely picky eater. His only protein intake are Aidell's chicken and apple sausages, breaded chicken, fruit flavored yogurts, and cheese. The only vegetables I can get into him on a regular basis are in the form of spaghetti sauce and pumpkin in quick breads.

He is not one of those kids who will just eat anything if he's hungry enough, and starving him until he'll eat what I want him to eat doesn't exactly improve his behavior. Not a hill I'm ready to die on.

my 4yo is soooo picky and will go all day without eating if she doesnt like what is being served.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *felix23* 







:

If you just saw my dd eating out or at other people's houses, you would think she ate nothing but sugar. She just won't eat when we aren't at home, so I feed her healthy stuff before we go, and don't really care what she eats once we are there. We just went to a birthday party today and all she ate was the icing off the cake and ice cream. But before we went she ate turkey, cheese squares, carrots, and apple slices. The funny thing is that when we came home we made cookies for a dinner at church tomorrow, and I put up pictures on FB of her licking the bowl!







It never occured to me that people would think she only eats sugar. I guess I need to start posting pictures of her eating carrots!

in our home, my dd1 has the best diet... whole foods, raw almond butter made fresh at home, sprouted grain bread, coconut milk yogurt, fresh free eggs, no dairy, a greens smoothie everyday.... but she really dislike most anything we eat anywhere. she dislikes ANY sauce, butter or dressing. she dislikes most breads, hates peanut butter, doesnt like tomato sauce...etc etc

so if we are out and she wants ice cream... she gets it.. she eats so well at home I dont worry about it. plus, what am I going to order her? plain noodles? plain rice? that gets old.

but I can guarantee that some of my friends think she has a horrible diet. all they ever see her eat is cookies, birthday cake, and french fries... one even made a comment once about all the sugar my kid eats.







kills me... but who cares.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
I have seen many preschool children who have many teeth removed and cavities filling their mouths because they didn't brush adaquately. My dd's friend has had two root canals and has one false tooth and my mother's friend has a grandson who had to have four root canals and had some of his adult teeth affected by his bad diet before they even grew in and he was only four.

not to be the defensive but dd1 was exclusively breastfed until past one year, and never had anything but organic whole foods past that.... she had two root canals on genetically weak teeth at 3. my husband has horrible teeth adn his mother and father both had horrible teeth. so it *can* be genetics.

I have great teeth, I didnt get my first cavity until I was 21! and I was raised by a single mom who thought twinkies and dingdongs made a great side dish to tv dinners with koolaid. so..... just saying that teeth issues have a lot to do with other things too.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

POOR BABY!!!!! with all that sugar, he's probably got a mouthful of ROTTEN TEETH.







Not to mention, that sounds like a fabulous diet if you want your kid to be diabetic.

Hmmmm, my kids try to have ice cream and junk in place of meals too. You know what I tell them? Big, fat N-O spells NO! Ice cream and cookies are desserts. ONE cookie or a SMALL bowl of chips or cheetos is a snack, if you are still hungry after that, you go and get fruit from the fridge.

I saw this true story Discovery channel ER show--these ppl brought in their 2 year old with bleeding gums and refusing to walk. The kid's problem? They were feeding him nothing but oatmeal, because he refused to eat anything else! He had SCURVY. Vitamin C deficiency. He was also SEVERLY anemic. It was obvious they thought the oatmeal was healthy and "better than nothing" so nobody took the kid away or anything they just educated the parents. (in other words they weren't TRYING to harm the kid or deprive him of food or anything)

that could conceivably happen to this kid if literally the ONLY foods he'll eat are sweet baked goods, candies and ice cream.


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peaceful_mama* 
ONE cookie or a SMALL bowl of chips or cheetos is a snack, if you are still hungry after that, you go and get fruit from the fridge.


lol. i would rather my kids eat two bowls of ice cream and a cookie before I let them eat one chip or cheetos. blech.


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

plus, as long as the kid is getting chocolate he shouldnt have to worry about scurvy


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
Remember mama...everything in moderation. Including moderation









OT, but I love this. I used to have a little sign that said, "moderation in moderation" in my living room. People looked at me funny sometimes, but I had it there to remind myself that an occasional splurge wasn't going to cause me problems.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peaceful_mama* 
POOR BABY!!!!! with all that sugar, he's probably got a mouthful of ROTTEN TEETH.







Not to mention, that sounds like a fabulous diet if you want your kid to be diabetic.

I know of a little girl, whose mother is a member of a food allergy support website I belong to, whose only "safe" food besides an elemental formula is cane sugar. Anything more than cane sugar, a particularly nasty tasting formula, and water/ice are the only foods she's allowed by mouth.

When they go out in public (yes, they do go to restaurants occasionally, this little girl eats a bowl of sugar. When she's at school and they're having a party, she gets lollipops made from pure cane sugar, or cotton candy made from pure cane sugar.

Why am I telling you this? Because you really shouldn't make judgments based solely on what you see from the outside.

For a very long time, the only restaurants I could take my kids to were Taco Bell, McDonalds or Burger King. Why, you ask? Because I have food allergic kids, and those were the only places where I was guaranteed to find a safe meal for my kids. When I'm away from my own kitchen, "safe" food trumps healthy food, because I'd rather feed my kids chicken nuggets or a taco than risk landing in the ER in a strange place.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SactoMommy* 
All kids go through picky periods. A child development book said that par for the course ages 2-3.5 was one meal a day. At 4 kids are supposedly more open to suggestion when it comes to food, but I'm not there yet, so I don't know. I know that at almost 20yo, my sister still only eats ground beef, mac n cheese, and ramen noodles







.

I think that stuff depends on the kid. DS1 would eat almost anything, except tomato sauce (except on pizza) until his teens. Then, he went anti-veggie - not all, but a lot of them. He's pretty good about everything else, though. DD1 has always been picky, and is only becoming slightly less so now, at age 6.5. DS2 would eat anything _until_ about four, then he got pickier, although he's still not a really picky eater.

Me? I was really picky as a kid. Until I was in my 20s, I wouldn't eat _anything_ made with tomato sauce (major social handicap to be a teenager who hates pizza, btw). I started eating pizza, then spaghetti, then tacos, then chili. These days, I cook Indian and Thai from scratch. I'm not that picky, anymore - although I still won't eat mushrooms. My sister, otoh, basically still only eats things that were on our table growing up (mom has moved way past that), and not even all of those. I think a lot of this is highly individual, and guidelines are just that...guidelines.


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## henny penny (Mar 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
Then again, this is the same kid who wolfed down a massive handful of deer turds when she was 9 months old...







:

Just gotta say







!

And a note on tooth health. Like others have posted, a lot is genetic. My mother brushed my teeth for me







for years and we got NO sugar growing up and my baby teeth still almost all fell out rotten. Dh got a LOT of continuous sugar growing up and still has a minor candy obsession and has yet to get a cavity. Double







.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Definitely mind your own business. I certainly wouldn't want people judging me for what I fed my kids at a buffet place.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WC_hapamama* 
For a very long time, the only restaurants I could take my kids to were Taco Bell, McDonalds or Burger King. Why, you ask? Because I have food allergic kids, and those were the only places where I was guaranteed to find a safe meal for my kids. When I'm away from my own kitchen, "safe" food trumps healthy food, because I'd rather feed my kids chicken nuggets or a taco than risk landing in the ER in a strange place.

This is true of us, too. One of the "nice" things about fast food is its uniformity. Dd has so many allergies that she can't eat chicken nuggets, McD's fries, or tacos--but she can eat McDonald's soft serve ice cream. I'd love to take her to local place that makes homemade ice cream--but I can't guarantee that the scoop hasn't been dipped into a flavor that will send her to the hospital. But processed soft serve from a machine that makes only one flavor she can actually eat. When we pass a McDonald's, she calls it "the ice cream store."









Dd probably eats more junk than most many MDC kids--her diet is so severely limited that I don't mind if she has ice cream or allergen-free Belgian waffles or whatever, particularly since the vast majority of processed foods are already off limits to her because they contain allergens. I feel like she deserves to have SOME fun with food.

Today she ate a big bowl of Irish oatmeal with flaxseed for breakfast, and we served quinoa, braised cabbage w/ apples, organic pork loin, and sliced melon for dinner (she didn't like the cabbage but ate the rest). She had a banana and some organic cheddar cheese for snacks. But for lunch, she went out with her grandparents--and since she can't eat ANY restaurant food (risk of cross-contamination too high, even if we could somehow rejigger a dish for her), we sent her with an Ian's allergen-free chicken nugget meal. People don't see what she eats at home, and I'm sure some people in the restaurant think we're horrible parents for feeding her such junk.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

i also want to point out that tooth pain does not necessarily indicate decay and that was not my point. There are many reasons why the poor little guy is in so much pain. A trip to the dentist could clear that up as well as address dietary concerns since he can return to normal eating.

for example my dds wisdom teeth are coming in side ways. most kids do not need to get their wisdom teeth out at 12 but since heres are busting through in the wrong direction it is causing her much pain. And I have seen the x-rays. you wouldn't think it is possible but those bad boys are completely sideways and starting to break through the gums on their sides.....go figure. but the pain is not decay. however in the absense of x-rays I would have assumed it was just the pain of them coming through or she had a cavity somewhere.

So one need not speculate on why the childs teeth hurt to merit recommending a trip to a dentist. and while healthy children do not need to see a dentist reoutienly as toddlers one who is in severe enough pain that it is interupting his eating for a prolonged period of time clearly ought to be seen.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg* 
This is true of us, too. One of the "nice" things about fast food is its uniformity. Dd has so many allergies that she can't eat chicken nuggets, McD's fries, or tacos--but she can eat McDonald's soft serve ice cream. I'd love to take her to local place that makes homemade ice cream--but I can't guarantee that the scoop hasn't been dipped into a flavor that will send her to the hospital. But processed soft serve from a machine that makes only one flavor she can actually eat. When we pass a McDonald's, she calls it "the ice cream store."









Dd probably eats more junk than most many MDC kids--her diet is so severely limited that I don't mind if she has ice cream or allergen-free Belgian waffles or whatever, particularly since the vast majority of processed foods are already off limits to her because they contain allergens. I feel like she deserves to have SOME fun with food.

There were a few years there where the only safe thing at McD's was the soft serve ice cream, Sprite and a plain hamburger patty. We consider being able to get him chicken mcnuggets and fries a step in the right direction, because that means he's outgrowing some allergies.


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## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

I'm going to out myself. My daughter ate a dish of ice cream for breakfast nearly every day from the time she was 6 until she graduated high school. I wanted her to eat SOMETHING, and the only thing palatable to her in the am was ice cream so I let her have it. My husband and I decided if she was going to have a treat every day, what did it matter what time she ate it?

She almost never drank sodas or juices, would always choose steamed fish and veggies over a hamburger and fries, and loved to snack on raw vegetables. Ice cream for breakfast didn't seem like such a big deal, but OH! the grief we got from other people! Despite their dire predictions for her future, she is now 20, has no weight problems, and has never had a cavity.


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## petra_william (Nov 28, 2007)

i find it really difficult to mmob in these situations.... ive come across a few...
a friend of mine gives her dd black tea (weak with milk and no sugar or caffeine so certainly not as bad as what it could be) but tea can hinder absorbtion of iron and i didnt know if she knew this so i just mentioned it to her. she knew and still chooses to give her tea but i feel better for mentioning it to her iyswim?

i do also know ppl who feed their child unhealthy food simply because they dont know any better. a little bit of education would maybe help in these cases. and wrt "not eating anything else"... my step dd wont eat anything but chicken nuggets and chips or cheese sandwiches and chocolates and crisps and other processed food when she is at home. yet at ours she will cook with me and eat pasta with veg sauce, bolognaise with carrots and wholemeal spaghetti, vegetable soup, wholemeal bread, fruit, etc.
what im saying is that although some parents may say that their child doesnt eat anything else sometimes it may be a case of the parent not *knowing* any other way.

if she is a good friend and you think she might benefit from some education then try to strike up a conversation.

Quote:

If it comes up again you could say something like "are you worried he is not getting enough nutrition? this has been going on for a while.....how do you make sure his nutritional needs are getting met. that must be challenging" if she says no then drop it. if she says yes then perhaps sugggest some other foods he may be interested in such as yogurt or fruit sauces or smooties. plain ice cream. these might not be a lot better but at least a variety. and not candy.

the mouth hurting for two months. Is that normal? I would have suggested right then she take him to a pediatric dentist. There could be deeper issues that need to be addressed. of course he could have just rotted his teeth out already which then the dentist can do the firty work.

that


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Snowflower* 
btw- I don't judge her, I know and love her. I just don't when to keep my mouth shut or muster up the courage to say something.

since you asked....

... i would want my friends to tell me the truth. rather i want them to tell me iif they find i am doing something out of the ordinary.

yes even to tell me cosleeping is bad









the thing is - i am alone here. my only support system are my friends. my dd is not just my child - she is my friends child too. soo i always welcome opinions. i look at it as me taking a second look. another opinion from someone elses's eyes. i do the same to them as they do to me. i mean arent that what friends are for.

that does not mean i might follow your advice. it does not even mean i like it. but i would love to hear it. and i will let you know what i think of it.

for instance my mil asked me to stop bfeeding when dd was over 2. she did it out of love and concern for both of us. i had just gone back to full time work, dd was in dc and was having a hard hard time during naptime in daycare. ididnt say much to mil but she understood and didnt repeat that again, dd settled down and even at 7 in 3rd grade she is still nursing. however my mil talking to me deepened our friendship because she stood up and spoke her mind (other times she has been spot on and i have followed her advice).

however there is an art of talking. to come from a place of genuine concern rather than judgement. That requires aLOT of work on your part to come from a place of empathy rather than judgement. the day you can relate to her thats the day to talk. not when you are saying within you you gave WHAT for lunch. esp. since it already seems like a touchy subject.


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## homeschoolingmama (Jun 15, 2007)

My son is the pickiest eater ever! My other four children will eat anything but not him. He usually eats healthy foods but on occasion he will have a treat. Last night we had an early Christmas party so it doesn't get mixed up with other Christmas parties. Well my little guy had some bread with peanut butter and was off playing. Every time I saw him walk by he had a cooke, some truffle(I helped with that) and probably some other junk. Oh ya...cheesies. It doesn't bother me. I know that at home he rarely gets sugar. It makes it easier on me with the 5 kids under 6 and I don't want to struggle with him. This summer for my surprise birthday was the same thing. It was actually funny. Every little bit I would see my little Cohen running by with another cookie or treat hid behind his back. Eventually I had to stop him but it was funny while it was happening! I know that he eats healthy otherwise because I am always with him.
As for the teeth, I would suggest he see a dentist. Pain isn't fun.


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Generally, I favour the MYOB strategy. I've only skimmed the thread, but I don't think there's any information about the mom's food habits, or the rest of the family's diet. Is it only the child who eats poorly? If the entire family is unaware of good nutrition, I might make a few "innocent" suggestions to educate. Things like talking about a great book I've read on the subject, or a t.v. show/series about family-friendly healthy cooking. That's probably as far as I would go though.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WC_hapamama* 
I know of a little girl, whose mother is a member of a food allergy support website I belong to, whose only "safe" food besides an elemental formula is cane sugar.









That poor family. May she grow out of that sooner than they hope and with fewer problems than they fear.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
The only thing I'd think about saying is that "months" is a long time for his teeth to be hurting every day and it might be good to have a dentist doublecheck that everything's okay.

Yeah, it's the sugar, but she's defensive about that, so instead maybe mention what if a tooth is coming in sideways or something.

IME, it could really be a tooth coming in for months on end. DS didn't start getting teeth until about 10 months / 1 year, and then suddenly they were ALL coming in... 1 to 4 a month. I would guess his teeth hurt for the majority of his second year.

We've seen a pediatric dentist, and his teeth are fine. It's not sugar, it's teeth coming in.


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## Snowflower (Dec 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
since you asked....

... i would want my friends to tell me the truth. rather i want them to tell me iif they find i am doing something out of the ordinary.

yes even to tell me cosleeping is bad









the thing is - i am alone here. my only support system are my friends. my dd is not just my child - she is my friends child too. soo i always welcome opinions. i look at it as me taking a second look. another opinion from someone elses's eyes. i do the same to them as they do to me. i mean arent that what friends are for.

that does not mean i might follow your advice. it does not even mean i like it. but i would love to hear it. and i will let you know what i think of it.

for instance my mil asked me to stop bfeeding when dd was over 2. she did it out of love and concern for both of us. i had just gone back to full time work, dd was in dc and was having a hard hard time during naptime in daycare. ididnt say much to mil but she understood and didnt repeat that again, dd settled down and even at 7 in 3rd grade she is still nursing. however my mil talking to me deepened our friendship because she stood up and spoke her mind (other times she has been spot on and i have followed her advice).

however there is an art of talking. to come from a place of genuine concern rather than judgement. That requires aLOT of work on your part to come from a place of empathy rather than judgement. the day you can relate to her thats the day to talk. not when you are saying within you you gave WHAT for lunch. esp. since it already seems like a touchy subject.

Thank you for your post. I feel the same way. I did tons of research when I was preg about all sorts of stuff, but my friend isn't really like that. She was always glad to hear what I had found. She would take it or leave it. The more I think about it the more I feel like I should gather some info about diabetes and such.. and honestly, I'm the only one who will go out on a limb for her like that.

Ollyoxenfree asked about the mom's eating habits... That's the problem. She has health issues due to her wieght. (280lbs at 5'2) BUT her mother shoved a super healthy diet 'down her throat' when she was growing up. So she knows quite a bit about nutrition but is maybe bitter about it?? I dunno.

I also just gotta say... I don't go around judging how peoples children eat...at all! This is a ...situation. She gave her 6 mo old baby cinnamon/sugar twists from taco bell as his first food, followed by a mexican pizza. She called me all excited that he ate all of it!
Today she told me one of the only things he'll eat that's not 'sweets' are these pre-made pancakes that come from a can like whip cream. (still lots of syurp) Also, in my OP I didn't mention that he hadn't eaten breakfast (she said it's been a problem) so the chocolate covered chocolate w chocolate was the first thing in his tummy...at 3:00.








So there you have it. I am concerned. It does seem like a problem, right?

I'm concerned her 'I'll let him indulge in being a kid with sweets like my mom wouldn't let me' attitude is going too far and creating a real problem. I know she used to try to fix healthy food for him at least once a day, but I fear she has given up and he eats what he wants.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I'd MYOB too. It's only going to be a big problem for you if you need to watch him for a day or two.

Otherwise, quietly lead by example, and perhaps she will get the idea.

When my now 17 year old was little, I CAN NOT believe the crap I fed her without ever giving it another thought. I have no idea why I thougth it was OK either.

Fortunately, she would also eat healthy. So, I am not having to deal with the long term problems of having an overweight teen who only eats junk. But, I look back on those days and wonder what the heck was wrong with me. Now, I'd absolutely die before buying her some of the junk I bought and fed her when she was little.

But, no amount of friendly advice would have changed me back then.


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## dogretro (Jun 17, 2008)

I'd probably get my butt kicked all over MDC if people knew what my kid ate on a daily basis. I'm not ignorant of nutrition, either, it's just the way that dh and I prefer to eat. She does get fruits and veggies, but I am not about to withhold the cookies, either. Her first "food" was Rita's frozen ice at three months, so I guess we are evil people. And I do get offended by suggestions like, "Wow, that is a lot of sugar." I am well aware of what she is eating, thanks, it is not your business.

FTR, the pancakes in a can are organic. They sell them at Whole Foods. Too pricey, imo, but v convenient when you only want to make 2 or 3 cakes.

Dh does have family members who have horrible teeth due to genetics. His one cousin had to get caps on some teeth at age two or three. He had a front tooth chip at age two. His mother's adult molars never came in correctly and she has bridges. A suggestion to visit the dentist is a good one b/c the boy may v well have soft teeth, you just never know util you go.

I *really* try to stay out of other's business when it comes to feeding their kids. Unless someone directly asks for advice, of course.


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## Dov'sMom (Jan 24, 2007)

Haven't read all the replies yet, but has she taken him to a dentist? If he's complaining about his mouth hurting for months and he eats that much junk, it might not be molar pain...

I had a friend growing up who was super small -- say 85 lbs at just under 5 feet tall. She was a micro-preemie, too, at least for her time -- I think she was born at 26 or so weeks, but remember, this is 30 years ago! She was required to have two servings of ice cream a day, part of her official diet, and she HATED it. I guess it was higher fat than most other foods? I just remember coming home with her after school and watching her choke it down...


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## caj (Nov 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dogretro* 
I'd probably get my butt kicked all over MDC if people knew what my kid ate on a daily basis. I'm not ignorant of nutrition, either, it's just the way that dh and I prefer to eat. She does get fruits and veggies, but I am not about to withhold the cookies, either. Her first "food" was Rita's frozen ice at three months, so I guess we are evil people. And I do get offended by suggestions like, "Wow, that is a lot of sugar." I am well aware of what she is eating, thanks, it is not your business.

I'm with you








DH and I are big chocolate lovers and we are well known for that. I love to bake brownies, cookies and cakes. I love sweets, I can't help it. DD is a picky eater, the only fruits that she likes are grapes and pears so she has that. She LOVES all kind of veggies though, she eats healthy. But I don't think there's anything wrong with her eating a nice home made brownie or cookies on weekends or at parties and she loves to have Nutella with her toast in the mornings. She certainly won't die, and I'm sorry if that was offensive. But that's the way I think.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *petra_william* 
i find it really difficult to mmob in these situations.... ive come across a few...
a friend of mine gives her dd black tea (weak with milk and no sugar or caffeine so certainly not as bad as what it could be) but tea can hinder absorbtion of iron and i didnt know if she knew this so i just mentioned it to her. she knew and still chooses to give her tea but i feel better for mentioning it to her iyswim?

It might be a cultural thing. A few years ago, I was reading a thread on a foodie website about what the first foods that Japanese people feed their babies are, and I was surprised to see diluted tea listed as first beverage.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *petra_william* 
i find it really difficult to mmob in these situations.... ive come across a few...
a friend of mine gives her dd black tea (weak with milk and no sugar or caffeine so certainly not as bad as what it could be) but tea can hinder absorbtion of iron and i didnt know if she knew this so i just mentioned it to her. she knew and still chooses to give her tea but i feel better for mentioning it to her iyswim?

aha!!!! but food can be such a cultural thing. for instance i remember my ob telling me he sees his japanese clients eat sushi right thru their pregnancies with no problems. and yet his other patients have issues. so he always advices them not to.

so while in our children the tea might prevent absorption, it might not do the same for her who have done this for generations.


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## mrskingred (Aug 3, 2006)

It is a cultural thing in the UK







. Not that my ds has drunk tea yet, (because I know about the iron absorption), but growing up my siblings and I drank weak milky tea at an early age.


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## ians_mommy (Apr 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *caj* 
I'm with you








DH and I are big chocolate lovers and we are well known for that. I love to bake brownies, cookies and cakes. I love sweets, I can't help it. DD is a picky eater, the only fruits that she likes are grapes and pears so she has that. She LOVES all kind of veggies though, she eats healthy. But I don't think there's anything wrong with her eating a nice home made brownie or cookies on weekends or at parties and she loves to have Nutella with her toast in the mornings. She certainly won't die, and I'm sorry if that was offensive. But that's the way I think.










I third the idea.
We eat a wide variety of healthy foods in my home...organic fruits and veg, whole grains, nuts/nut butters, cheese, milk, local fish/poultry/beef etc. Since 90% of my son's intake is excellent (to include plenty of water), I have NO problem with sweets (which DH and I both love) or the occasional "less than optimal" food when out.

My DS is just 2 and every Friday I take him to this little family-owned local bakery that does not use persivatives, artificial flavors, bleached flour etc. I get him a chocolate chip cookie and milk and he sits by the front window and happily eats his cookie and watched the cars go down main street. I have been doing this since he was about 20 mo. and I am sure there have been mothers who thought I was just awful for feeding him a chocolate cookie...*I could care less*. It is our special date every Friday and they are darn yummy cookies!

That being said, I feel comfortable including yummies into our diet because the base of diet is healthy. I am not a fan of extreems (in either direction).


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## mama1803 (Mar 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dogretro* 
FTR, the pancakes in a can are organic. They sell them at Whole Foods.


Organic doesn't necessarily mean healthy. There are many organic foods sold at Whole Foods and other stores that are heavily processed and/or contain ingredients that have questionable nutritional value.


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Snowflower* 
Thank you for your post. I feel the same way. I did tons of research when I was preg about all sorts of stuff, but my friend isn't really like that. She was always glad to hear what I had found. She would take it or leave it. The more I think about it the more I feel like I should gather some info about diabetes and such.. and honestly, I'm the only one who will go out on a limb for her like that.

Ollyoxenfree asked about the mom's eating habits... That's the problem. She has health issues due to her wieght. (280lbs at 5'2) BUT her mother shoved a super healthy diet 'down her throat' when she was growing up. So she knows quite a bit about nutrition but is maybe bitter about it?? I dunno.

I also just gotta say... I don't go around judging how peoples children eat...at all! This is a ...situation. She gave her 6 mo old baby cinnamon/sugar twists from taco bell as his first food, followed by a mexican pizza. She called me all excited that he ate all of it!
Today she told me one of the only things he'll eat that's not 'sweets' are these pre-made pancakes that come from a can like whip cream. (still lots of syurp) Also, in my OP I didn't mention that he hadn't eaten breakfast (she said it's been a problem) so the chocolate covered chocolate w chocolate was the first thing in his tummy...at 3:00.








So there you have it. I am concerned. It does seem like a problem, right?

I'm concerned her 'I'll let him indulge in being a kid with sweets like my mom wouldn't let me' attitude is going too far and creating a real problem. I know she used to try to fix healthy food for him at least once a day, but I fear she has given up and he eats what he wants.


One of dd2's first foods was a cinnamon/sugar twists from taco bell.







It kept her quiet so I could finish eating. Her actuall "first food" was a french fry from Wendy's that dd1 crammed into her mouth while I wasn't looking.

I do agree that eating nothing but sugar is unhealthy, but unless she asks for your advice, I would myob.


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## Cujobunny (Aug 16, 2006)

ITA to myob. Not that I would do it all the time, because we don't eat out a great deal, but if I had to I would totally let my kids eat ice cream for lunch if it meant I got to sit down to a meal with a friend.

Sooo I didn't read all the replies but if it's happening very often, yes I might casually mention something but otherwise no.


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## schoolmom07 (Mar 26, 2009)

we adult can go with it but the little ones are oftentimes used to home cooking and they just don't care for restaurant food..
sweets is different story.. they can settle for that.

I can attest to what this poster said. My dd really does eat better at home rather than when we go out and she is 7.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

I'm speaking as a mom of a child with severe feeding issues (even Feeding Therapy isn't working.)...

The mom most likely knows that the food isn't healthy. However, you could always give her some fun, healthy cookbooks for kids. It may not help, but it's something positive you can do.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

If this little boy truly had a mouth full of rotten teeth the ice cream would most likely cause him extreme pain, both from the sugar and the cold causing tooth sensitivity. Some children do have a tough time with molars breaking through.

I would MYOB unless she directly asks you for advice.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama1803* 
Organic doesn't necessarily mean healthy. There are many organic foods sold at Whole Foods and other stores that are heavily processed and/or contain ingredients that have questionable nutritional value.

The ingredient list for the Batter Blaster is pretty much what you'd use to make pancakes from scratch. (I, however, wouldn't be buying the organic milk and flour and such so my at-home version wouldn't be as healthy)

Snowflower, is it at least real maple syrup on the pancakes? That at least has calcium and potassium and some other nutrition. Maybe suggest switching to that as a way to boost his nutrition.

Another thought, cheesy eggs. Has she offered scrambled eggs, maybe with some cheese mixed in? It's a nice soft protein.


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## tjjazzy (Jan 18, 2007)

oh my goodness. if i fed ds1 like that, he'd be a HANDFUL!! and i thought it was bad that the sitter fed him tostitos and salsa (black bean and corn) for supper the other night. wow. i have to say though, i'd mmob UNLESS she asked me why he wasn't behaving. then i'd say all that junkfood is probably contributing to his behaviour.


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## Tuckoo (Jul 11, 2009)

If she's aware of what's nutritious, then she's making a conscious choice and, since she doesn't seem to be asking for advice, I'd mind my own business.

The foods we allow our children to eat are a touchy subject and it can be very difficult to really know what is going on.

For example, dd, who is 5 y.o., isn't really hungry during the day, but she'll have a super-healthy late dinner every single day. She'll have a so-so breakfast (whole-wheat crackers and goat cheese), she brings a healthy lunch to school but doesn't really eat all of it (today, for example, it was pasta, cherries and almonds). Then she'll have something when she gets home from school (like some pita bread with greek yogurt). And then, around 7 pm, she'll have a huge bowl of organic rice pasta with lentils and fish, a pear, a tangerine, some papaya, broccoli, grapes and mango... I don't know... I have a friend who sees her eat and I know she doesn't believe me when I tell her she has healthy food (and in large portions) at home. I'm sure she thinks I'm a lousy parent and I am spoiling my dd letting her eat whatever she wants.


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tjjazzy* 
oh my goodness. if i fed ds1 like that, he'd be a HANDFUL!! and i thought it was bad that the sitter fed him tostitos and salsa (black bean and corn) for supper the other night. wow. i have to say though, i'd mmob UNLESS she asked me why he wasn't behaving. then i'd say all that junkfood is probably contributing to his behaviour.

Umm. What's wrong with chips and black bean/corn salsa??


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## Adamsmama (Oct 24, 2003)

I would MMOB. When I first became a mom I had these awesome ideas of feeding my kids this 100% healthy diet and then I had my first DS. He ate fine for the first 18 months and then by age 2 he developed SPD/SID and gagged on lots of differnt foods and started becoming so picky that he would only eat a handful of foods -- mostly carbs. It has been a long long road for us (he is now diagnosed with classic autism, spd, and mild cerebral palsy) his eating is still a battle but we've made progress. I've heard all kinds of well intended "help" but for a child with SN there is no help -- because it isn't a matter of just only giving them "healthy" foods. My son never ate ice-cream/cookies at meals but his main foods would be cheese & crackers, pizza, mac & cheese, or chicken nuggets because for a long long time that was the only success I had with protein. I wouldn't consider those healthy foods and was a bit ashamed of myself for a while that I couldn't get him to eat veggies other meats, etc. The road to progress has been a tough one and a slow one but we are making progress, sadly those well-meaning friends are no longer in the picture because they were more hurtful, than helpful. The only reason I bring that up is that most moms are just doing the best they can. Unless she is being outright neglectful, just MYOB.


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## dogretro (Jun 17, 2008)

I was thinking about this one a little more, and I do agree that it WOULD be difficult to see a child *who has no known food problems* to be constantly fed junk food. I know even my own kid gets tired of cookies after a while and would rather eat something else. However, I do not see it as something to end the friendship over, or anything like that. It can be SO difficult at times to see parenting that is different than ours, we often want to judge!


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## tjjazzy (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
Umm. What's wrong with chips and black bean/corn salsa??










what's wrong with chips for supper and salsa that he's not used to eating? the diarrhea he had later is what's wrong with that. i just don't think that was a good supper. snack, yes. supper, no. i'm not saying i feed him good foods all the time but as a sitter who is getting paid to care for my kids? not acceptable. thank goodness i left food out for the baby! who knows what he would be eating.


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