# Argh! Why do people stare at me so much?



## quietserena (Apr 24, 2006)

I went to Target with DD in a ring sling, facing out.

I got *the* dirtiest looks from two moms with kiddos in strollers. I just smiled at them and smiled at the kiddos. I mean, what do I know, maybe they've got back problems and can't babywear. I don't care that their kiddos are in strollers! My DD and I are happy with a sling, for our reasons.

Maybe it was my scarf. I've gotten a few dirty looks about it since 9/11. Maybe the combination of my scarf and the sling makes me look too foreign, and in these xenophobic times that justifies a dirty look.

I did get really sweet smiles from two elder couples though. That makes me feel better but it doesn't erase those other looks.

</vent> Thanks for listening.


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## Heathermhill (Sep 25, 2005)

Sorry to hear that..
I get stared at also, but it's more like people are doing a double take... Now I had to wear my old Bjorn the other day, and no one did a double take at all? Only when I wear my wraps...I think it's jealousy


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## Rufus (Feb 7, 2007)

I get that all the time also! I am the only person I've ever seen - EVER - in our area wearing a sling. I've seen Bjorn's a couple of times, but noone using slings. Well I take that back, when I first had my first I saw a girl at the peds one day wearing one. But that's it.
However, everywhere you go girls are pushing big SUV strollers and running people down. Noone gives them a second glance. I don't understand this.
I was at the mall the other day and a younger pregnant girl asked me where I got my sling. I hope to see her out in it one day.

Sorry you got the ugly looks! Yeah- I bet they were jealous! HAHA!


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## Katheda (Jun 23, 2005)

I don't wear a hajib (am catholic LOL) and I get the same dirty looks from moms with kids in strollers and the same nice looks from the elderly.
I think the "young" are way too wrapped up in needing to fit in a box and are very threatened by those that don't and the old know there are more important things in life, like precious babies









Kelly


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## PortraitPixie (Apr 21, 2005)

I think some people really are trying to figure out how I got her in there....


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

I haven't gotten many dirty looks this time around, but I have gotten a lot of compliments and some people have seemed jealous. It's a a nice change. I think people in my little town are *finally* getting used to me after having lived here my entire life









I expect to get the dirty looks the first time I go to STL with the baby in the sling.


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## samantha546 (Aug 4, 2005)

I agree that most people are just in awe and are too afraid to ask about it.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I stare at people with slings. Where there's a sling, there might be a cute baby! Plus, I'm trying to tell if the sling is homemade.








I stare at people in hajibs. Well, okay, only if I love the color, there's just something about silken fabric that makes things more beautiful. Plus, I do 12th century dress up (SCA) and it's cool to see how veils are worn modernly. (Same reason I stare at nuns.)

I don't mean to stare, it just happens because I get caught up in thinking about things and forget to move my eyes. As soon as I realize I'm staring I stop.

But, I am thinking, and my default expression looks very glum or dour. As a kid I kept getting that "it takes 14 muscles to frown but only 7 to smile" line when I *wasn't* frowning.

So give people like that a big grin. If they're accidentally staring, they'll look a bit embarassed and smile back--and stop staring. If they're being deliberately rude, well, at least they might stop glaring at you.


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## carmel23 (Jul 21, 2006)

I like to look at mama's with babies in slings, wraps, even ergos! I just like to see little babies riding and moms. But I would have smiled at you, not glared! Maybe they just wanted to be out of target or something.
When I see you in target, I'll smile (I'll probably have a kid on me too, and one strapped in a stoller depending on the mood of my 3 year old son these days! He thinks it funny to see his mama running after him and he likes to hide and hear me looking for him... )


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## newmothermary (Jan 9, 2007)

I say lift your chin up, pull your shoulders back and be proud! BW representing! LOL!
Listen, this is still a stroller nation. I have a blazing orange Bugaboo myself. (don't flame me pls) Yes, I would do it differently today.
If I could do it over again, I'd wear Devon from the first hour on.

My grandma carried me on her back in a mei tai way longer than she probably should.
She was still carrying me when I was old enough to have the most treasured memories of feeling incredibly safe and secured in the world.
I don't think I ever quite felt that way again.

I am Chinese from Hong Kong and my grandma was from China. The mei tai was crimson red silk with embroidery befitting Joseph's amazing dreamcoat of techincolor. I only wish I have it today.
Quite many a Chinese I know would not consider bw b.c it is considered old-fashioned and defeating to the purpose of technological advancement. Several of my family members feel this way.
Obviously, I am not one of them. My parents showed (still do) their love with a curt economy. I am an outwardly cuddly, huggy, lovey person today b.c my grandma carried me and in doing so, it instilled in me a sense that love in a sometimes cruel world can be possible. I can almost remember each step she took, the delicious sensation. And with each sway of her gait, I clung to her. I would've clung on closer if I knew what I know now.

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r...devonsiggy.jpg
http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r.../marydevon.jpg


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PortraitPixie* 
I think some people really are trying to figure out how I got her in there....









Me too, or like here it's still cool out but I can't carry her froggy style anymore so I put her in a fleece pouch on my hip with just her head sticking out. Then I put on a coat and her head is peeping from under my arm. Sometimes we walk this way with DS walkign or in stroller and I think sometimes people go home trying to figure out how there is a head poking out of my arm









Although I gotta say. I think maybe you are looking at things wrong. Why would woman pushing a stroller give you a dirty look? I think sometimes people who "baby wear" think: oh how could you use a stroller... everyone else must either wish they could be like me.... or think I'm weird...Why is everyone staring at me? I don't get it, and I've always wanted to say this so it's not directed at you. But there are alawys threads about "I was given such a dirty look" "why do I get so many weird/rude comments. Sometimes I think people who do carry their kids are just looking for something to see in people!

SO, not accusing you OP, but maybe you should think if maybe you're trying to read into everyone around you

I've never had anything but positive comments, or a strange look of confusion, maybe a chuckle (I assume cause they are so cute







). I've read here of people who are physically stopped on the street so someone can lecture them. I don't get it







, nothing like this I've ever seen IRL


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## 3.14_Opal (Aug 27, 2006)

They could be thinking that you think of them as lesser for using a stroller. I know that sounds strange, but when I had Pi in the stroller (I had to go clothes shopping and try lots of stuff on- easier to have her in a stoller) and I saw moms wearing their babies, I would hide my head in shame because I would feel like a bad mom for not having her in the mei tai.


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3.14_Opal* 
They could be thinking that you think of them as lesser for using a stroller. I know that sounds strange, but when I had Pi in the stroller (I had to go clothes shopping and try lots of stuff on- easier to have her in a stoller) and I saw moms wearing their babies, I would hide my head in shame because I would feel like a bad mom for not having her in the mei tai.









That's totally ridiculous! Don't hang your head in shame for nobody mama







. People who walk with their noses up in the air have nothing better to do. And yes I agree, woman look down on each other for all sorts of things. It's totally pathetic.


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## Mere (Oct 1, 2002)

No one stares or even looks twice at me for babywearing here in Oregon, but my oh my when we went to visit my parents in Washington DC it was a totally different scenario. We couldn't walk two feet without someone asking about the baby in the sling, or in many cases, what was that in that contraption? Is that really safe? All of the people who actually stopped us to ask were just curious, and in most cases had never seen a sling before.

In between being stopped by people asking about the sling, definitely every person stared at us! It was kind of funny, actually...Neither dh or I minded. It's all about getting the babywearing word out!


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## lmartinx1 (Feb 4, 2007)

I've just recently started wearing my newborn out in public. (either in a RS or a pouch) So far, I've had several people stop me to ask if I had a baby in there or a PUPPY!!! I had never heard of such a thing!! Anyone else??


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lmartinx1* 
I've just recently started wearing my newborn out in public. (either in a RS or a pouch) So far, I've had several people stop me to ask if I had a baby in there or a PUPPY!!! I had never heard of such a thing!! Anyone else??

Ha! Never heard that, though before we had the babe, both myself & dh tried slinging with one of our cats. Didn't go out with them in it though. And she was surprisingly tolerant of it for a bit there too.


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## lmartinx1 (Feb 4, 2007)

Good!! I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one that thought that was a strange question!?!


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## cmg (Jan 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lmartinx1* 
I've just recently started wearing my newborn out in public. (either in a RS or a pouch) So far, I've had several people stop me to ask if I had a baby in there or a PUPPY!!! I had never heard of such a thing!! Anyone else??

People in France carry their dogs around in shopping bags...


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## VBMama (Jan 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmothermary* 

My grandma carried me on her back in a mei tai way longer than she probably should.
She was still carrying me when I was old enough to have the most treasured memories of feeling incredibly safe and secured in the world.
I don't think I ever quite felt that way again.

I am Chinese from Hong Kong and my grandma was from China. The mei tai was crimson red silk with embroidery befitting Joseph's amazing dreamcoat of techincolor. I only wish I have it today.
Quite many a Chinese I know would not consider bw b.c it is considered old-fashioned and defeating to the purpose of technological advancement. Several of my family members feel this way.
Obviously, I am not one of them. My parents showed (still do) their love with a curt economy. I am an outwardly cuddly, huggy, lovey person today b.c my grandma carried me and in doing so, it instilled in me a sense that love in a sometimes cruel world can be possible. I can almost remember each step she took, the delicious sensation. And with each sway of her gait, I clung to her. I would've clung on closer if I knew what I know now.

Thanks for sharing that beautiful memory of your grandma wearing you, it made me smile.


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## kawa kamuri (Apr 19, 2006)

People trip over themselves to talk with me when I have the baby in our wrap. I've seen nothing but 100% positive reaction.


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## LittleLlama (Feb 27, 2006)

They're jealous


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## Ammaarah (May 21, 2005)

Serena - I've wondered, "Is it the hijab and niqab or the sling?" a few times myself when I got random dirty looks from strangers. I just shrug it off, though, because for all I know, they lost their glasses and have to give an evil squinty death glare. LOL. And I've gotten more positive comments on the sling from the older generation too.


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## mama2walden&luna (Jun 29, 2005)

I get stares a lot, but no dirty looks. When dh wears a sling he REALLY gets stares!! I think people just don't know what to think of it.


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## fishface (Jan 6, 2007)

I'm sorry to hear of the mamas who get dirty looks.







I try to look sneakily because I think seeing a mama (or dad!) with a baby strapped to them is so beautiful and precious!


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

If you ever see a petite, pregnant lady with a round face and brown hair sneek a peek, it's just me!







Although, I'm not shy, so as soon as I knew you caught my look, I'd be over asking what type of sling it was, where you got it, etc. I'm trying to find out all I need to know about babywearing!


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## intorainbowz (Aug 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 







I stare at people with slings. Where there's a sling, there might be a cute baby! Plus, I'm trying to tell if the sling is homemade.








I stare at people in hajibs. Well, okay, only if I love the color, there's just something about silken fabric that makes things more beautiful. Plus, I do 12th century dress up (SCA) and it's cool to see how veils are worn modernly. (Same reason I stare at nuns.)

I don't mean to stare, it just happens because I get caught up in thinking about things and forget to move my eyes. As soon as I realize I'm staring I stop.

I find myself doing that too. I LOVE the wonderful fabrics patterns and lace trims I see on the scarves and wish I had a reason to wear them. I also try to figure out how they keep them on. I have a drawer full of scarves and feel I never have any reason to wear them. They are so lovely in the box, but I can never figure out how to wear them.

I also look at women who are baby wearing to see how they are doing it and to see if I can learn something new.

I hope they don't think I'm giving them a dirty look but I'm sure they may think I'm rather odd.

Sorry about the dirty looks. There is no excuse for that. I've been on the recieving end of these when out with DH in his uniform. Mostly people are very nice, but we had one koot go off about the Iraq war in the airport. It was really sad as I was so excited to show DH that DD had learned to nurse and he had been gone for some time. It put a bit of a damper on our reunion, and that was the first time I told someone to F-off in front of DD.


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## phoebemommy (Mar 30, 2006)

I'll bet I would have looked too long at you because you sound like an interesting person. A sling and a scarf? I'd be thinking, what a cool lady she must be! And I'd forget not to stare. Sorry. I'm kind of a hopeless people watcher. But I'd probably have my kid in a sutemi carrier so it would be obvious that I'm down.


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## oregongirlie (Mar 14, 2006)

I just can't comprehend anyone glaring at a sling wearer. It makes no sense to me. But I'm in Portland where "normal" is not the norm.


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## dillonandmarasmom (May 30, 2005)

I am in a place where babywearing is not so unusual. What gets the people staring at me is when dd and I do our toddler/mama acrobatics to get her onto my back and into her Ergo (she's a pro)! I swear, if I had a dime for everytime I heard, "Need some help?"...I usually say, "No thanks, it might screw us up and cause dd to fall!"


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## northwoods1995 (Nov 17, 2003)

People have stared at me too. I live in a very rural area, everybody knows everyone's business if ykim? I don't like it. Part of the reason why I want to move!!

Anyway be proud mama for doing the best for your child!! Truly maybe they are just curious?? Hopefully that is the case.


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lmartinx1* 
I've just recently started wearing my newborn out in public. (either in a RS or a pouch) So far, I've had several people stop me to ask if I had a baby in there or a PUPPY!!! I had never heard of such a thing!! Anyone else??

ive seen dog slings in stores, and have actually seen a few in person as well.... its interesting, lol


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## urchin_grey (Sep 26, 2006)

We wear DS in a mei tai pretty much everywhere we go and we get a LOT of stares (mostly confused ones), but so far no dirty looks.


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ashleyhaugh* 
ive seen dog slings in stores, and have actually seen a few in person as well.... its interesting, lol

We flew with the kids when DD was only 5 months and I had her sleeping in a sling and the flight attendent asked me if I could come up and write down for her where to get one, etc, etc....then after 5 minutes of her asking/me telling her...she goes, "well, my dog is having hip surgery...."


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## Erinok (Sep 11, 2006)

I've gotten stares, but I think people are really just currious. Ocasionally people will come up to me and ask about my sling, where I got it, etc, they have been looking but can't find one.....


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## rad (Jan 21, 2004)

I get lots of stares. Most comments are very positive. I do get alot of questions. If I get dirty looks it tends to be because people think I have too many kids and not so much about the slings.


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## NamastePlatypus (Jan 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *quietserena* 
I went to Target with DD in a ring sling, facing out.

I got *the* dirtiest looks from two moms with kiddos in strollers. I just smiled at them and smiled at the kiddos. I mean, what do I know, maybe they've got back problems and can't babywear. I don't care that their kiddos are in strollers! My DD and I are happy with a sling, for our reasons.

Maybe it was my scarf. I've gotten a few dirty looks about it since 9/11. Maybe the combination of my scarf and the sling makes me look too foreign, and in these xenophobic times that justifies a dirty look.

I did get really sweet smiles from two elder couples though. That makes me feel better but it doesn't erase those other looks.

</vent> Thanks for listening.

This is why I love babywearing here, in hillbiehell!! I can educate so many people about it. WHat shocks me is the people who wnat one ( dads and grandmas) It is the main reason why I started my own business making them.


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## Redifer (Nov 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *intorainbowz* 
I find myself doing that too. I LOVE the wonderful fabrics patterns and lace trims I see on the scarves and wish I had a reason to wear them. I also try to figure out how they keep them on. I have a drawer full of scarves and feel I never have any reason to wear them. They are so lovely in the box, but I can never figure out how to wear them.

I also look at women who are baby wearing to see how they are doing it and to see if I can learn something new.

I hope they don't think I'm giving them a dirty look but I'm sure they may think I'm rather odd.

Sorry about the dirty looks. There is no excuse for that. I've been on the recieving end of these when out with DH in his uniform. Mostly people are very nice, but we had one koot go off about the Iraq war in the airport. It was really sad as I was so excited to show DH that DD had learned to nurse and he had been gone for some time. It put a bit of a damper on our reunion, and that was the first time I told someone to F-off in front of DD.









I also have found myself staring at hajibs... because they are ALWAYS gorgeous. We have quite a few Muslim ladies in my area, and I am almost infatuated with them, because they always look so lovely. The scarves are always such beautifully patterened and colored silk fabrics, and on the ladies with darker skin tones, the rich fabric sets off the rich tones in their skin, which I totally envy. Plus, I think scarves really do draw the attention toward someone's eyes.

But usually, when I'm staring, I'm making this "Gosh how pretty" almost wistful drool-y face that's hard to confuse with glaring. I always get smiles in return, at least!

I've gotten a few dirty looks when I, or ESPECIALLY DH slings. In the home of the SUV stroller, and especially because during fairs or carnivals in the summer I go barefoot or in "slave sandals", I get all sorts of dirty looks. I just grin real big at people, and usually they at least back off.


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## saraann (Dec 1, 2006)

I mostly get a lot of smiles and even the occassional "oh what a lucky baby". The only time I ever got grief over it was at a "friends" house. They were having a birthday party for my brother in law and some of my in laws were there as well as some pre-baby friends. People thought my wrap was just so weird, and they laughed and made jokes about it. aaahhh, family and "friends" they are just so supportive aren't they







. Can't wait till they start having kids.


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## evenstarlight (Aug 16, 2006)

First off, think that hijabs are beautiful too. I live in the UK but I'm an American and it really disgusts me that since 9/11 people would give people wearing them dirty looks.....

I think people are partly facinated by it, and partly confused.

I find I either get "wow how cool" looks or "what the???" looks.

I always hate it when I'm happily babywearing and suddenly DD decides she wants to cry and kick off...I think fear people giving me judgemental looks and thinking i'm making my baby unhappy.


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## Mytwokids (Feb 2, 2004)

For me, I've always thought it was curiosity. I can't say I've gotten 'dirty' looks. We had my dd's birthday party at a huge park last weekend and I had my ds in my Ergo on my back. I was so busy I sort of forgot he was there. Then this woman was smiling at me and laughing a little and I found myself getting upset, wondering why is she smiling at me like that! Than I realized she wasn't smiling at me but the cutie on my back







.


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## KaryAnca (Feb 11, 2007)

Regarding the dog carrying. I used to do it all the time. I had a special pet pouch for my elderly Yorkie. Not only was it safer for my dog in crowded places, but it was good on public transit where you don't know when the person sitting next to you is afraid of dogs. It's funny because it looks like a baby carrier from the back, so people would walk pass me from behind with a smile on their face eager to see the baby only to look shocked then start laughing when they saw the little dog head poking out. I just smiled back.

Carrying a baby is a lot easier, though.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

Maybe that lady I saw the other day was wearing a dog. She was wearing a padded RS but it didn't look like there could've been a baby in there. My SIL and I were both wearing our babies in MTs and the lady didn't bat an eye at us, which is odd because usuassy when I spot BWing mamas we end chatting about carriers


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## poetesss (Mar 2, 2006)

When I get weird stares I usually assume it's the hijab ... fortunately I've got nothing but amazed stares when I'm slingin' ds. It's so nifty to hear people whispering as I walk by, "That's so cool, there's a baby in there!" When ds was about three weeks old I was at a wedding and as I was putting him in the pouch I could see like half the guests staring at me. Didn't know babywearing could make me an instant celebrity.









The funny thing about the hijab is I always get compliments on it when I go to hippie stores though


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## eurobin (Aug 20, 2006)

I live in the mainstream, conservative midwest and I get lots of positive comments when I wear my daughter in the ring sling. People are always making faces with her and saying that she looks so comfy and happy. Well no kidding, she's at face height, not knee height, and with her mama! I actually have only gotten one negative comment from a friend who said that I was going to break her legs. I said that I thought the millenia of women who have worn their babies in slings and soft carriers would probably disagree.


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