# the 2.5 year old that thinks it's funny to not listen



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

I am sooo losing my patience with my 2.5 year old these days.

He is sooo verbal and sooo smart and yet LOVES to push my darn buttons EVERY chance he can.

Seriously...he will look at me with a GIANT grin and then do something he knows he shouldn't such as write on the table with a marker, purposely knock something out of someone's hand, run away when he needs to wash his hands after using the potty, draw on someone else's pictures etc.

He comes to work with me (kids are 2 to 6 years)

I feel like i've tried everything (playful parenting, firm voice, redirection, sense of humor, ignoring) and i never make a big deal out of it (big reaction) so that he it doesn't fuel his desire to get a big reaction. I calmly state what needs to be done tell him he needs to do X or i'll come help him do X etc. BUT IT'S CONSTANT AND I'M SO TIRED OF IT.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAD A KID LIKE THIS AND ONE DAY THEY GREW OUT OF IT! Or am I doomed to be exhausted forever???????


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

oh and advice would be great. I really feel like if this were any of my students i'd be able to come up wtih 10 things to help...but with my own son i feel like i've tried everything and nothing works. He has been coming to work with me since he was 6 months old so he also views his teachers as extended family and thus not listening just as much as he doenst' listen to me!


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

When my dd was this age she had very little impulse control when it came to doing what she wanted to do. I found that prevention, patience, and perseverance helped a lot. My dd would do things until she decided that it was pointless to keep doing it because I wouldn't change my mind and I would be right there gently stopping her. I had to be her shadow until she was over three, but it did start to get better once she got over her need to assert her independence. I also had to decide what was absolutely important for her not to do and what was just the way I was raised coming out. My has a strong mind of her own so it did take a lot of repeated attempts on both ends before she would make this decision and move on to something else.

I don't think you should compare yourself as a teacher to yourself as a mother. School and home are very different places that require very different behavior from everyone. Your relationship with your son is much deeper and much more meaningful that your relationship with your students. Even if you love your students that still doesn't mean you would be completely devastated when they go on to the next class or school, if your son were to leave now though you would probably have a very hard time coping. Some years summer is just not enough for teachers, but that isn't the way they feel about their children. I would hate to have to be a teacher 24-7 and I am sure my dd wouldn't enjoy living with a teacher rather than a mother.

About the classroom situation, would you know what was going on if you didn't work there? Not listening is something many kids in this age group go through and many teachers deal with it effectively without getting parents involved. I think you need to ask his teachers this question so you can have some peace of mind.


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
When my dd was this age she had very little impulse control when it came to doing what she wanted to do. I found that prevention, patience, and perseverance helped a lot. My dd would do things until she decided that it was pointless to keep doing it because I wouldn't change my mind and I would be right there gently stopping her. I had to be her shadow until she was over three, but it did start to get better once she got over her need to assert her independence. I also had to decide what was absolutely important for her not to do and what was just the way I was raised coming out. My has a strong mind of her own so it did take a lot of repeated attempts on both ends before she would make this decision and move on to something else.

I don't think you should compare yourself as a teacher to yourself as a mother. School and home are very different places that require very different behavior from everyone. Your relationship with your son is much deeper and much more meaningful that your relationship with your students. Even if you love your students that still doesn't mean you would be completely devastated when they go on to the next class or school, if your son were to leave now though you would probably have a very hard time coping. Some years summer is just not enough for teachers, but that isn't the way they feel about their children. I would hate to have to be a teacher 24-7 and I am sure my dd wouldn't enjoy living with a teacher rather than a mother.

About the classroom situation, would you know what was going on if you didn't work there? Not listening is something many kids in this age group go through and many teachers deal with it effectively without getting parents involved. I think you need to ask his teachers this question so you can have some peace of mind.

See the thing is, I AM one of his teachers...we are co teachers in an open floor-plan, multi age, reggio inspired, play based, emergent/experience based curriculum. So he interacts with me as well as other teachers all throughout the day and he will continue to have me and the other teachers as his teachers until he goes to Kindy. So the problem is that i can't really shadow him all day because say I'm doing a sewing group. Then kids can come and go from my group as they choose. He might come and grab someone's sewing out of their hand to get my attention. I try modeling how he can ask for me if that is what he needs or if he wants to sew he can join us at the table etc. then he might run off and do bread-making with another teacher but refuse to wash his hands etc. etc.

And he's not like this 24/7. He actually does have a really good level of focus ONCE he's involved in an activity. The BIGGEST problem is that once he does do some sort of misbehavior type thing it sprials from there....not amount of me explaining anything will stop it. So if the problem was that he dumped out the markers and i ask him to clean them up he will then throw the markers and then when i ask him to go get them he'll grab one and draw on the floor so then when i ask him to get a wet paper towel he'll run away and hide (while laughing and squealing). *SIGH* very exhausting!!!!!!!!


----------



## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

That is a tough situation. My dd always behaves worse when I am teaching other kids and she is part of the group, she is often the worst one in the group. If you are his teacher at school then I think you need to deal with him as a teacher there in the same way you would deal with another student when they throw things, refuse to listen, and run away refusing to do tasks. Prevention and a lot of follow through still apply in most daycare settings. Perhaps you and the other teachers can work out a system so you know when he is coming your way and you can give him a quick hug or verbal attention in a happy way before he decides to get your attention another way. Deciding on a common plan for addressing his behavior no matter who is working with him may also help because he will be getting the message from several people that what he is doing is not okay. It may also help to keep your talk short and to the point instead of long and rambly explanations, especially if you have gone over the issue a lot. Kids tend to have short attention spans, especially when you are telling them something they don't really care to hear. At home you have more opportunity to prevent things with your presence, but hopefully some of the techniques you use at school will help him to understand your expectations for him and you won't need to stay with him as often at home.


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
That is a tough situation. My dd always behaves worse when I am teaching other kids and she is part of the group, she is often the worst one in the group. If you are his teacher at school then I think you need to deal with him as a teacher there in the same way you would deal with another student when they throw things, refuse to listen, and run away refusing to do tasks. Prevention and a lot of follow through still apply in most daycare settings. Perhaps you and the other teachers can work out a system so you know when he is coming your way and you can give him a quick hug or verbal attention in a happy way before he decides to get your attention another way. Deciding on a common plan for addressing his behavior no matter who is working with him may also help because he will be getting the message from several people that what he is doing is not okay. It may also help to keep your talk short and to the point instead of long and rambly explanations, especially if you have gone over the issue a lot. Kids tend to have short attention spans, especially when you are telling them something they don't really care to hear. At home you have more opportunity to prevent things with your presence, but hopefully some of the techniques you use at school will help him to understand your expectations for him and you won't need to stay with him as often at home.

Thank you for this and I do think that is what we are trying to do. I just recently had a parent/teacher conference (with me as the parent) with his "journal" teacher (each of us has several kids we journal for and keep an extra eye out for in terms of growth/development/new milestones/etc. etc. and this is sort of exaclty what we talked about.

i think my biggest rant of the whole situation is just that i'm SO . TIRED. OF IT! lol Who knew that one toddler could make my life so stressful when my whole career is based on working wtih LOTS of young childern of all ages. I def think my own son stresses me out more than when i'm trying to wrangle 4 or 5 other kids into snowgear in teh hallway to get outside LOL.

I am hoping someone will pipe in and say "my 2 year old was a horrible listener but grew up to be a normal responsible child" lol


----------



## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

I'm still waiting to hear someone say "My child was a terrible listener at age two but grew up to be a perfectly normal and wonderful child/teen/adult"

lol

anyone ? is this thing on?


----------



## Just1More (Jun 19, 2008)

I can't tell you that...my oldest in only 5.









But I can tell something that I caught with my guy when he was nearing 2.5. He was being a deliberate stinker one day, repeatedly. I can't even remember what all, but he was escalating, like your ds in the marker story, and I did, too. I'll use your example because I can't remember mine.

He dumps the markers. You ask him to clean them up.

He throws the markers. You ask him to go get them.

He writes on the floor with a marker. You tell him to go get a paper towel.

He runs away. You... ? (If it were me, I would go get him...)

What I wanted to point out, though, is that here, in a very short time, you have 4 different actions. And 4 different, unheeded requests. And your ds is running around free to continue. I think that is very confusing for a child. He escalates, and you do, too. He's only 2.

Firstly, there's something underlying. Is he dumping the markers and everything else he is doing for a specific reason? What is the common thread of his misbehavior? Is it too much freedom? Is it confusion between home rules and school rules? I would work on addressing this first. Maybe you can make up a song to sing with him in the car about school rules and home rules. Maybe you can discuss with him when it's his time for Mama all to himself, and stick to the same time everyday. When he gets disruptive at school, remind him that his time with just you will be at ___ o'clock (whether that's at home or at school.)

Back to the markers.

The issue is that he is not listening to you. Four times in a row you asked him to do something and he did not. That's a whole lot of practice doing just the opposite of what you would hope. You can cut down 75% or more of the number of times he has a chance to ignore your request by sticking to the same request. And, therefore, not confusing the issue. It isn't that he dumped the markers. Or that he threw them. Or that he's writing with them. It's that he's seeking attention, and that he's not listening. By focusing on all he's doing with his prop of the markers, the real problem is obscured.

So, "pick up the markers." That's it. Broken record, gentle physical guidance, whatever, to get. the. markers. picked. up. So what, he threw it. Repeat, "pick up the markers." Rather than giving him 4 or more things to ignore, you are sticking to the original issue. After you get the ONE issue solved, I would say something like, "You want Mama to play with you. Mama cannot play with you now because you made a mess with the markers. We had to spend time cleaning up the markers and all my play time is used up. Now I have to go clean up the floor. That was sad."

And never let him get attention (or whatever it is he is seeking) this way.

Very soon (5 minutes? maybe less?), call him to you and help him ask for his need. And give it to him!

But...he's two.


----------



## Tsubaki (Dec 26, 2007)

This sounds just like my 2-and-a-half year old's behavior and our patterns of escalation. Drives me up the wall. I feel for you. How I wish I knew how to break out of it!

Just1more, I really love your advice.


----------



## greenmama07 (Jul 25, 2008)

Are you sure you don't have my DS? LOL! He's going to be 3 in July and acts the same way sometimes. He occasionally does it to DH but usually it's me b/c I'm home with him all day.

Sometimes I feel like it's my fault if I'm doing housework or things around the house b/c he is board so he's trying to find something to do or get my attention.
He get's really fresh when he is over tired and doesn't want to listen to anything and fights going to sleep until he gets so exhausted.

I'm looking into some different suggested books for better sleep and discipline (I get very frustrated sometimes and yell a little too much, never spank but can't stand myself when I snap at him). I don't have any helpful advice since I'm going thru similar thing but look forward to going back and reading the responses to see if there is any help for us too.

Overall DS is a great child so I guess we both just need some help


----------



## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollytheteacher* 
I'm still waiting to hear someone say "My child was a terrible listener at age two but grew up to be a perfectly normal and wonderful child/teen/adult"

lol

anyone ? is this thing on?

Since 2 year olds have no impulse control many are terrible listeners. Kids also save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver because that's the person they trust the most. And when you're also teaching or taking care of other children then you can have jealousy issues and normal possessiveness. Your DSs school experience would probably be better if you weren't one of his teachers.

My 4.5 year DD isn't anywhere near grown but her ability to take direction has improved tremendously especially in the last year.


----------



## SweetPotato (Apr 29, 2006)

My dd is 4.5yo now-- and while she's not perfect, her impulse control has improved dramatically since she was 2.5! To be honest, the situation that you're describing sounds like pretty normal toddler behavior to me--I'd be surprised to see a group of children that young being able to go from activity to activity in a totally cooperative, orderly fashion. At 3yo, we tried out a coop preschoolwith some friends--kids aged 2-4, and it was really hard. It's only now that my dd really seemsready for these sorts of group activities-- she just started preschool a month ago and is doing GREAT. I know that some kids can handle the structure,etc. that young--but mine just wasn't ready for the sorts of social expectations of a group learning experience until this year.


----------



## catters (Nov 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tsubaki* 
This sounds just like my 2-and-a-half year old's behavior and our patterns of escalation. Drives me up the wall. I feel for you. How I wish I knew how to break out of it!

Just1more, I really love your advice.


Ditto for me. And ditto re: Just1more's advice! Thanks! I"m going to try that.

FOr me, I KNOW it is for attention, and having DD being so young, she takes up a lot of attention right now. DS even says things like, "That's Mommy's Isla" and when I say, "but you're my Ronan", he says, "No, I'm not your Ronan". !!







Today he told me that I don't love him. It makes me feel like such a horrible parent. No wonder he doesn't listen to me.


----------

