# Is it an appropriate consequence or is it an unfair punishment?



## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

Basically, it had been a struggle with teeth brushing. My DS is almost 3 and brushing teeth is a big ordeal. I have tried explaining, modeling etc...I have explained how important to keep the teeth clean and how expensive it could be to go to the dentist to get them fixed, I tried to be neutral, etc...etc...
Finally, today, he asked me for a chocolate cookie. Before giving it to him (it was after dinner, by the way) I said: you will need to brush your teeth right after.
After he finished his cookie, he made a big stink about brushing teeth and basically refused. So, I said: unfortunately since you made a choice of not brushing teeth, there will be no more cookies or sweets (but I didn't say for how long).
I really want him to understand that if he wants sweets, he will need to brush his teeth, otherwise he won't be getting them. My son has a sweet tooth and although I don't give him a lot of sweets, I do give him treats daily. So I know before we know it, he will be asking for a cookie again.
I'm curious if it will work, but do you think I'm being unfair?


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## aschmied (Apr 22, 2007)

This is a hard one for us. DD is very sensitive about some things, hair brushing and teeth brushing among them. What I do:

1) Not insist on tooth brushing anytime except right before bed. I try and get after breakfast too, but I don't use up a non-negotiable on it.

2) I ask who's brushing first, Mommy or her. I never know what to expect here, sometimes it's me, sometimes her, sometimes the baby (who doesn't HAVE teeth...) sometimes a stuffed animal. I roll with any of them. Eventually her teeth get brushed.

3) In the end, for the non-negotiable bed time brush, I wait her out. She gets one treasured last story before bedtime, but only if the set timer doesn't run out first. Before brushing we set a timer for 15 minutes. When it goes off it's lights out, or just nothing until teeth are brushed, then lights out. I know, that's mildly punitive, but we've tried to make it non-personal with the timer.

Good luck!


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## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

teeth brushing is non negotiable in my house. it must be done. my DD was really having aversions to it and I made a big deal out of letting her pick her own brush and stuff it helped ALOT more than I thought it would! and hardly no more adversions! I do think when they realize it's not negotiable it's a little easier


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## savvybabygrace (Feb 15, 2007)

No, I don't think you're being unfair. Brushing teeth is so important and I totally think that we need to instill good oral hygiene habits in our children when we're young. My nephew had 7 cavities drilled and filled in oral surgery last year due to poor brushing/flossing and waaaay too many sweets. Kids+dentists just freak me out in general, though. I have dentist issues!
My oldest daughter (2.5) fights us to brush too. Good thing we still have one trick that works; her stuffed animals and washcloth puppets brush her teeth!







It's the only stinkin' way Emma will let us near her with the brush - she always wants to do it herself but obviously doesn't do a good enough job. I hope that this trick works forever (but I'm sure it won't!).
Good luck and let us know if it gets any easier!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Sounds like a punishment to me. I understand the frustration though.









Here toothbrushing is just non-negotiable. She can choose toothbrushes and the like but it's going to happen.

-Angela


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

I am a little bit lenient on the toothbrushing, we miss the occasional night however we have constant conversations about sugar bugs, I do it for her, she does it herself, we lately got battery operated toothbrushes, I keep tooth brushes in every bathroom and if they really get into a power struggle I just really let it go. 98% of the time the toothbrushing gets done.

One kid doesn't use toothpaste though and one only uses bubble gum toothpaste, oh well









I was kind of this way with my older ones as well and they have pretty good teeth...my 14 year old needs one filling but it's small and she brushes her teeth the best and most regularly out of all my kids.

The thing that has always worked best though it to make it a LOT of fun. We sing a song and they brush until it's done. Or we have toothbrush races...we brush at the same time and we brush as fast as we can and I let her win..hehe.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I don't think it's unfair per se, but perhaps that the way you are presenting it makes it a consequence/punishment/bribe/something.
I did that too- ds had cavities from a very young age, so toothbrushing is a big deal. I did give him fewer sweets during that time, and I think that's ok. If it was going to be a big struggle for me to get his teeth cleaned, then I didn't even want to go there, yk? If he asked why, I'd just respond that sweets aren't good for his teeth, and it's really important to keep his teeth as healthy as we can, etc.
But the few times I said it like "ok, no candy because its too hard to brush your teeth" sounded like a punishment/bribe.
I don't know- does that make any sense?
But... I did physically force toothbrushing if nothing else was going to get it done.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Sounds like a punishment to me. Sounds also like you were really frusterated/upset and may not have really meant it either. Maybe?







We brush here...not optional. But we only do once a day (before bed) and have since teeth appeared so they well know it is a reality they can't escape.







One thing that works well for us with really little ones is "you brush mine while I brush yours." Toddlers (mine anyhow) seem to love that.







Good luck!!


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

It seems appropriate to me, although I think it could be worded a little more clearly to come across as less punitive. Something like "We need to keep your teeth healthy. Sugar is bad for your teeth, so we have to brush them when you eat cookies.", or "No more cookies if you don't brush, because Mama doesn't want your teeth to get sick.". So that the "why" of the no-sweets is more clearly about having healthy teeth, and less about refusing to do something he was told.

Of course, it's easy for me to think of this when I'm sitting in front of the computer and there isn't a toddler in sight


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## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

I appreciate all the responses. I also appreciate all different ideas on brushing teeth. Perhaps I was a little harsh and punitive.:








He did volunteer to brush his teeth in the morning, although I will never know if it had anything to do with the comment I made, because he didn't ask for cookie afterwards.
Follow-up question: couple of people mentioned that I what I did was a "punishment" and I think I agree. However, same people said that the brushing is NOT optional at their home. So what would be the appropriate consequence if their children utterly REFUSED to brush teeth no matter how much fun they would make it?
I'm asking because I forsee more struggles in the future and I want to avoid being punitive or harsh again.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I think that you should institute a rule that before he has a treat he needs to let you brush his teeth so that he gets all areas of his teeth cleaned at least once a day. And don't forget to model toothbrushing and enjoying tooth brushing. It may also help to get a toothpaste with a different flavor, the adult ones are spicy and some of the kid ones are nasty.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Janelovesmax* 
I appreciate all the responses. I also appreciate all different ideas on brushing teeth. Perhaps I was a little harsh and punitive.:








He did volunteer to brush his teeth in the morning, although I will never know if it had anything to do with the comment I made, because he didn't ask for cookie afterwards.
Follow-up question: couple of people mentioned that I what I did was a "punishment" and I think I agree. However, same people said that the brushing is NOT optional at their home. So what would be the appropriate consequence if their children utterly REFUSED to brush teeth no matter how much fun they would make it?
I'm asking because I forsee more struggles in the future and I want to avoid being punitive or harsh again.

Honestly? Refusing is not an option. It happens here. 99.9% of the time cheerfully, but otherwise it still happens.

-Angela


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Its non-negotiable here, too. We have held her down several times to do it. I know its not AP, but I am not going to let her teeth rott out of her head. She learned its going to get done like it or not. She willingly lets us now to get it over with. She also knows there will be no stories until it is done. It helps by also letting her hold a toothbrush while we brush. She sometimes brushes on her own now, too. She is 2.5.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

There are no consequences or punishments here for refusing to brush. Because if they refuse they get gently restrained and have mama brush for them. I guess THAT would be the consequence.


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## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

Thank you for clarifying. I guess I wasn't clear on what would happen if they did refuse and if you mamas would actually MAKE them brush it like restraining them... or saying something like: "you are doing it and that is it."


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## Adasmommy (Feb 26, 2005)

I have a much easier time brushing my 3 year olds teeth when I tell her on no uncertain terms that I am going to brush them. I don't do this meanly. I might say, "I know, but I need to clean the germs off of your teeth so they stay healthy and strong." But say it very matter-of-factly with no room for negotiation.

I often keep talking as I sit her down and start brushing, saying things like, "Remember that cookie you ate? And the yogurt with honey. We need to make sure there's no food left on your teeth for the germs to grow on." I mention any food she ate--not just sweets.

I also talk about what she needs healthy teeth for. "We need to keep your teeth clean so they will stay strong for eating good food, and so you have a beautiful smile."

And sometimes I just say, "I know, but I do need to brush them. Do you want me to sing Clementine or the ducky song?" And sing whatever song she chooses while I brush.

I don't disagree with pps. Just want to encourage you to try to avoid the restraint system if possible because it sucks. And whatever you do, continue telling him why, and when he is eating a cookie I don't think it's a bad idea to remind him that when you brush his teeth afterwards it will clean off all the food so germs don't grow.

I've defined germs as tiny living things so small we can't see them, but they can make our bodies sick. I talk about germs in reference to tooth brushing, bodily excretions, and in reference to dirty things that ought not be touched.


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## wombatclay (Sep 4, 2005)

It's non-negotiable here too. We do what we can to make it an enjoyable experience... we've let dd1 select toothbrushes (she has several, some character, some battery operated, some different colors, etc) and toothpaste (she has several "flavors" of non-flouride paste). She can choose where in the house to brush. She can brush DH or my teeth while we brush hers, we can brush hers, we can brush a doll first or during or after. We can sing a song, look for sugar bugs, brush upside down (across my lap or being held upside down by dh). We explain "why" we brush both during the actual brushing as well as during other times of day (while cooking or eating for example we'll talk about ingredients and tooth cleaning). She watches DH and I brush out teeth and brush dd2's gums.

But the teeth get brushed every night. Sometimes this meant having one parent hold her while the other brushed, or using a bath towel to restrain her arms if it was a "solo parent" evening. It sucked. But even while restraining her we tried to give her choices and explain (calmly) "why" the teeth needed to be brushed.

We never threatened to take anything away or promised anything in exchange for brushing. We just didn't make tooth brushing open to debate (either positive or negative). PP is right... restraint sucks, but teeth are one of our few non-neg things (car seats are another) and after a few months of serious protest (around 18months) dd1 now happily brushes her teeth on her own.


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Janelovesmax* 
Follow-up question: couple of people mentioned that I what I did was a "punishment" and I think I agree. However, same people said that the brushing is NOT optional at their home. So what would be the appropriate consequence if their children utterly REFUSED to brush teeth no matter how much fun they would make it?
I'm asking because I forsee more struggles in the future and I want to avoid being punitive or harsh again.

I'm no expert. I definitely deal with the teeth brushing issue, but it's kind of extreme at our house b/c of dd's special needs, so my experience there wouldn't be much help.

However in terms of getting her to do things that I _require_, a lot of it comes down _extremely strident consistency_, like overboard consistency. For instance (and this is a baby-rae example, I know), I theatrically stop, hold her hand and take a long, long time talking about the importance of looking both ways, holding hands with mommy or daddy, etc. before crossing the street. I do this _every_ single time we come close to a street - even when I'm just loading her in from the sidewalk into the car. There's no sense of punishment or anything because it is kind of a ritual. (I'm also teaching her colors of cars, right and left at the same time, by the way: "Look to your right . . . "







). And I can do this in part because it takes so long and because it's more of a conversation than a plea or bargaining session.

All that to say that perhaps you can make more of a ritual of it. I know that it might seem way too time consuming (but that's pretty much the nature of GD, isn't it?), but it might get him invested in the activity both mentally and emotionally. And, it will create a _habit_ instead of a response to prompting.

Now, back to strapping my dd down to brush her teeth . . . .









(just kidding, seriously. Just kidding, really.)


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Honestly? Refusing is not an option. It happens here. 99.9% of the time cheerfully, but otherwise it still happens.

-Angela

So, how do you do it if its not cheerfully? Do you hold her down?


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
There are no consequences or punishments here for refusing to brush. Because if they refuse they get gently restrained and have mama brush for them. I guess THAT would be the consequence.











If my daughter's consent was a requirement for having her teeth brushed, they'd probably have rotted away by now!

Rewarding/bribery doesn't work for DD. If she doesn't want to do something, she just won't, regardless of what's on offer. It can be very frustrating!!


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LotusBirthMama* 
So, how do you do it if its not cheerfully? Do you hold her down?

A few times, I've had to restrain DD, with her head in my lap and brush them while she screams







I don't like it any more than she does, but what's the alternative? As I said before, rewarding/bribery or making something "fun" just doesn't work for my daughter if she's totally against doing something.


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## Montessorimom8 (Mar 6, 2006)

I think that it would be hard to follow up on, and if you didn't then your child would know that you weren't serious. So I guess it would fall under the category of unfair.


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## odenata (Feb 1, 2005)

My dd goes through phases with toothbrushing...most often she does it with no problems now, but we had some rough patches in there. We have gently restrained her, but we try to make a game work. We also have several brushes for her to choose from. Her favorite game is when we pretend there are animals in her mouth and they need their feet cleaned - we will ask her what animals are in her mouth tonight, and she gets excited.

The no sweets if no brushing thing seems like it would difficult to make effective. If he doesn't brush his teeth at night, that means no sweets the next day? Immediate consequences would be more effective, I think.


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## Kirstyandgirls (Nov 8, 2007)

I too have restrained dd to brush her teeth and at the time it seemed like the best way to get job done. This was when she was about 1.5/2yrs (shes 4 now) but I'm worried about what this teaches her about taking care of her own body and personal space. Basically I was holding her down doing something to her body that she doesn't consent too - I don't want to send her the message that thats ok. Although, I was doing it for her own good and she wasn't coming to any harm.

If she refused to brush her teeth now I think, ideally, I would say something like "We need to keep your teeth healthy - your choices are to brush them every night or we can stop eating sugary foods and drinks" I think if it's phrased right it's more of a logical consequence than a punishment.

Kirsty x

ps - I might try to make it more of a game before I resorted to 'no brushing - no sweets'


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## macca (Jan 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirstyandgirls* 
I too have restrained dd to brush her teeth and at the time it seemed like the best way to get job done. This was when she was about 1.5/2yrs (shes 4 now) but I'm worried about what this teaches her about taking care of her own body and personal space. Basically I was holding her down doing something to her body that she doesn't consent too - I don't want to send her the message that thats ok. Although, I was doing it for her own good and she wasn't coming to any harm.

I know exactly what you mean. I was conflicted about it as well. But at the end of the day, there was a stage where if she wasn't restrained, her teeth wouldn't have been brushed and that's just not an option. She usually accepts it now, but there are still days she'll fight it


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## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LotusBirthMama* 
So, how do you do it if its not cheerfully? Do you hold her down?

I know this was not for me, but,

I put mine in the bathtub or sit her on the toilet. I have kinda forced the toothbrushing though







I would just rather have an unhappy child d\for 5 min than rotten teeth though! (I know that sounds mean but I figure drilling will be worse!)

sometimes it's easier to play a game or get her to laugh. or someties she will do it herself. even if they do it themself it's better than NONE at all. (but I normally always help)


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## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Aletha Solter (www.awareparenting.com) said this in a workshop... use a natural consequence.

child refuses to brush teeth
(I always let them know if they choose that, then they can't have sweets that day or the next - in a calm matter of fact way. My 3.5 always says OK! I guess it's a threat. Oh well.)
Next day, if someone offers them a treat (or there is a treat opportunity) "I'm sorry, you may not have it. You did not brush your teeth (last night/this am/whatever).
No bargaining, begging.
Child will brush teeth next time.

To get my daughter to comply (using force SUCKS - both of us always feel horrible in the end and it's just not worth it - and I don't want her to internalize her body doesn't belong to her) I turn it into a game she loves - dentist.

I lay her down on the bathroom counter (ours is long enough) or the floor and I talk to her like I'm the dentist hygenist giving her an exam/cleaning (she has seen her brother's and my exams and knows how it goes).

"Mommy play dentist."

Or she can be the crocodile (pick any animal) and you can be the animal dentist.

And... I did look up "bottle mouth" online to find some horrible (and sad) examples of tooth decay to show what CAN happen if we never brushed out teeth. "This is why it's important to brush our teeth..."

I'm a visual learner. Tell me something, it goes in one ear and out the other. Show me something, and it really sticks with me.

"Mommy can you show us the pictures again?" I did it 2 or 3 times.


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## joeymama (Nov 6, 2005)

So I really want to agree with some of you here but I have to say, I think that refusing the cookie is so much less traumatizing than restraining. I have had a really hard time brushing my 17mo's teeth and this has resulted in him having 4 caries that I am dreading having filled. I have had to restrain him a few times and it was HORRIBLE for all of us involved, him, me, his daddy, older brother & younger sister. We DON'T hold our children down to brush anymore. Gratefully his older brother has embraced multiple bushings a day and that has made him want to brush now at this point. I have to say if not letting your child have a cookie because they refuse to brush is too harsh, than I am harsh. If you don't brush you dont get sweets, or crackers or anything else that could do damage to your teeth, and if you spit gum out in your hair , guess what you don't get gum. If you hit your brother with a stick you don't get that stick anymore. Teeth brushing is very important, and something that they will have to do everyday for the rest of their lives, I don't want any tramatization to go along with this necessary event as I wont be able to hold down my 16 year old to make him brush , I wont be going over to my 30 year old sons house to ensure he has proper dental hygene, I want to instill good habits, just like with food, healthy habits.
I have been held down as an adult and as a child and I remember the feeling of helplessness that goes alone with having someone bigger than restrain you and if I associated that feeling with something as necessary as tooth brushing I cant say I would be brushing regularly.


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainbowmoon* 
I know this was not for me, but,

I put mine in the bathtub or sit her on the toilet. I have kinda forced the toothbrushing though








I would just rather have an unhappy child d\for 5 min than rotten teeth though! (I know that sounds mean but I figure drilling will be worse!)

sometimes it's easier to play a game or get her to laugh. or someties she will do it herself. even if they do it themself it's better than NONE at all. (but I normally always help)

We had to do this as well. Then DD got this board book full of animals and one picture was a horse showing its teeth and one was a hippo w/ its mouth open. from that day forward (she was about 20 months old) all we had to say was "Hippo" and she'd open for us to get her molars, and then "Horse" and she'd bare her front teeth. It was like magic!

We all brush 2x a day, no exceptions. I try to make it enjoyable for everyone but when it all comes down to it, the teeth will be brushed!


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Honestly? Refusing is not an option. It happens here. 99.9% of the time cheerfully, but otherwise it still happens.

-Angela

What about when it isn't Cheerful?

What do you do that .01% of the time?


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

I don't think your consequence was unfair at all. But I do think that it will not be effective in a 3 year old. At that age, consequences need to be pretty immediate and direct to make any sense to them.

I think I'd choose another scenario to encourage toothbrushing. Something like "You want to watch a video this morning? Sure! Oh, but you know what? We need to get those teeth brushed. I know, let's do this. You come brush your teeth with me, and then we can watch our video! That way we get both things done that we want and need!"

Or "You want to go out to play! Okay! Oh but wait..."

Obviously doesn't work in every circumstance (but then, what does?), but just another in the bag of tricks to help cajole, encourage, support and assist with the toothbrushing. As opposed to forcing it, yk?


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dubfam* 
What about when it isn't Cheerful?

What do you do that .01% of the time?

As mentioned, restrain gently and do it.

For *us* the lasting, unconnected -no cookie- or whatever tomorrow would hold much more drama and trauma (just for my weird kid...







) than just doing it.

There are things that are non-negotiable. Personal care and carseats are the two that come to mind. Just like if it's time to go somewhere (that we MUST do and THEN) then I will put her in her carseat even if she doesn't "cooperate" Again, nearly always it's no big deal. But there have been a couple of times when it was a fight.

-Angela


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## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

Thank you for all responses. I think if it will come down to it, I will restrain him, so far I had do use all the tricks in the book to get him to do it. I guess I was just so tired of this game.

Actually, I kind of really like the idea below...

Quote:

I don't think your consequence was unfair at all. But I do think that it will not be effective in a 3 year old. At that age, consequences need to be pretty immediate and direct to make any sense to them.

I think I'd choose another scenario to encourage toothbrushing. Something like "You want to watch a video this morning? Sure! Oh, but you know what? We need to get those teeth brushed. I know, let's do this. You come brush your teeth with me, and then we can watch our video! That way we get both things done that we want and need!"

Or "You want to go out to play! Okay! Oh but wait..."

Obviously doesn't work in every circumstance (but then, what does?), but just another in the bag of tricks to help cajole, encourage, support and assist with the toothbrushing. As opposed to forcing it, yk?


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## Janelovesmax (Feb 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *joeymama* 
So I really want to agree with some of you here but I have to say, I think that refusing the cookie is so much less traumatizing than restraining. I have had a really hard time brushing my 17mo's teeth and this has resulted in him having 4 caries that I am dreading having filled. I have had to restrain him a few times and it was HORRIBLE for all of us involved, him, me, his daddy, older brother & younger sister. We DON'T hold our children down to brush anymore. Gratefully his older brother has embraced multiple bushings a day and that has made him want to brush now at this point. I have to say if not letting your child have a cookie because they refuse to brush is too harsh, than I am harsh. If you don't brush you dont get sweets, or crackers or anything else that could do damage to your teeth, and if you spit gum out in your hair , guess what you don't get gum. If you hit your brother with a stick you don't get that stick anymore. Teeth brushing is very important, and something that they will have to do everyday for the rest of their lives, I don't want any tramatization to go along with this necessary event as I wont be able to hold down my 16 year old to make him brush , I wont be going over to my 30 year old sons house to ensure he has proper dental hygene, I want to instill good habits, just like with food, healthy habits.
I have been held down as an adult and as a child and I remember the feeling of helplessness that goes alone with having someone bigger than restrain you and if I associated that feeling with something as necessary as tooth brushing I cant say I would be brushing regularly.

I feel the pain. I agree as well about the importance of good hygiene and I want my son to actually finally be able to do it on his own without reminder. Sigh. Will this time ever come? Maybe in 2 years?


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## frenchie (Mar 21, 2006)

Honestly, I'd do the same thing. Sweets are a want, not a need. If my son wants to have a sweet treat, he needs to brush his teeth. I'm not willing to allow him to get cavities, by not brushing. So, it's either brush away the sugar bugs, or no sweets to begin with.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frenchie* 
Honestly, I'd do the same thing. Sweets are a want, not a need. If my son wants to have a sweet treat, he needs to brush his teeth. I'm not willing to allow him to get cavities, by not brushing. So, it's either brush away the sugar bugs, or no sweets to begin with.

But the thing is that cavities can just as easily be caused by non-sweets.

-Angela


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## mamaverdi (Apr 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
But the thing is that cavities can just as easily be caused by non-sweets.











Brushing teeth is non-optional here. Unfortunately there are YEARS of resistance.







But still, non-optional.

We have a new cool toothbrush that you push a button and it counts 2 minutes. This seems to be helpful for both boys, knowing that the brushing will come to an end....even if it's THEM doing it.


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## mowilli3 (Jan 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
There are no consequences or punishments here for refusing to brush. Because if they refuse they get gently restrained and have mama brush for them. I guess THAT would be the consequence.

Yep, me too. I try to let her brush her own teeth first while I do something else, then when she's ready for me to go over them, I do it. We use an electric toothbrush and I ask her if she wants electric or manual (buzz or no buzz). She tells me when she needs a break to close her mouth. I don't do consequences on this because it's my responsibility to maintain her health and the consequences for not doing so can be severe.


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## nancy926 (Mar 10, 2003)

It's not just sweet "treats" that cause decay. Anything with carbs in it will do it. Pretzels, bread, cereal, etc. Unless your DCs are eating only vegetables, meat, and cheese, they are eating things that are food for the bacteria that cause decay.

So refusing to give "treats" doesn't really prevent decay. IMHO it just makes "treats" more attractive because obviously if Mom is withholding them until teeth are brushed, they must be something really good!

As for restraining being traumatic....perhaps it is, but so is getting fillings in your teeth. I have restrained my younger DD many times to brush her teeth, and I will continue to do so if I have to. Yes, I'm "doing something to her body that she doesn't consent to," but let's face it - she's 2.5. She doesn't like to have her hair brushed, her face wiped, her hair washed or cut. For awhile when she was younger, she didn't like having her dirty diaper changed. And when she still had to get fillings in her teeth, she didn't want that to happen either. But it happened anyway, because I'm the parent and my job is to keep her as safe as possible and reduce her risk for disease. I will not allow her to make decisions when she has no idea of the consequences.

(Granted, not getting your hair brushed doesn't have major consequences - as long as you don't mind getting huge knots of hair cut out of the back of your head...LOL.)

BTW adults should follow up on kids' toothbrushing until they are 6 or 7 years old. They don't have the dexterity to do it themselves until then. We let our DDs brush as long as they want to, and then we get the tricky spots (upper teeth, especially in the back).

HTH someone. I agree that brushing teeth can turn into a huge battle, but if you make it non-negotiable and wait your DC out on those nights when he/she is doing everything possible to delay it, it does get easier.


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## frenchie (Mar 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
But the thing is that cavities can just as easily be caused by non-sweets.

-Angela

Yes, I understand this. Toothbrushing isn't negotiable in our home, as others have pp. However, eating a sweet requires some extra brushing. As it is, sweets are an occasional treat. My son knows that they are a "sometimes" food. He also knows that there is a certain responsibility that comes with eating "sometimes" food. One of those resonsibilites is, brushing his teeth. Kai doesn't sneak sweets, he rarely asks for them and sometimes if I surprise him with one, he declines. We've tried REAL hard not to make sweets a big deal...but Kai does know they are something special. We've managed to strike a nice balance. I'm crossing my fingers that we can do the same with our DD.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
As mentioned, restrain gently and do it.

For *us* the lasting, unconnected -no cookie- or whatever tomorrow would hold much more drama and trauma (just for my weird kid...







) than just doing it.

There are things that are non-negotiable. Personal care and carseats are the two that come to mind. Just like if it's time to go somewhere (that we MUST do and THEN) then I will put her in her carseat even if she doesn't "cooperate" Again, nearly always it's no big deal. But there have been a couple of times when it was a fight.

-Angela

Same here. DD is 2.5 and I think she would forget that she refused to brush before bed. She doesn't always remember things when she is very tired. She needs something more immediate. We can't do X until Y is completed. (no story time until we brush) For us, no brushing=no cookie would not work. I also try to avoid using food as bribery. Since brushing teeth=cookies the next day. She normally just lets us brush since she wants the story. If not, we gently hold her down and then she turns it into a game. It was not always like that, though. It was pretty rough around 14 months or so.

When she refuses its b/c she is very tired and acting out b/c of it. Its MY fault I let her get to that point, as I should have started bedtime earlier. I don't feel punishing her the next day for something my fault is fair to her.


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