# My baby lived for 10 minutes



## crazyfish (Feb 9, 2009)

I went into labor on Wednesday at 18 weeks and delivered a tiny 5.5 ounce little boy after the worst labor I have ever had. My baby lived for only 10 minutes but during that time he was very much alive. It is so upsetting to me that a few people consider that I had a miscarriage so I was oddly excited when my milk came in today because somewhere in my mind that proves that I had a baby and not a miscarriage. We are having a funeral for our sweet baby despite the open lack of support from my mil and I love that I have something that tells me my body was prepared to care for this baby and is recovering from childbirth and not a miscarriage.

I am looking into milk donation because I love the idea that my milk could help someone else's baby even though I couldn't help my own. Since I delivered at only 18 weeks it would be perfect for a preemie. Does anyone know which companies are reputable and which are not? Do they let you donate if you do not have a living baby?


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

I can't answer your question about milk donation, but I am sorry for your loss


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## Tear78 (Nov 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry, mama. I hope that there are people in your life that will support you in the way that you need. Your mil may be responding to the grief in her own way, too, but unfortunately it's not helpful to you. I have found that some people don't know how to appropriately respond to others' grief, though their intentions are pure. I feel best when I define my own understanding of it and feel secure and validated that I have the right to do this. I hope that helps you feel strong in your conviction and definition of what happened. There are very supportive women here, and I hope you find healing, peace, and support here. I don't know anything about milk donation, but it seems like an admirable way to honor your baby's life.







Take care of yourself!


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

I'm sorry about your baby.









You might find the answers about the donation in this article...

http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...fter-loss.html


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## BugMacGee (Aug 18, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

As to milk donation, I know our local milk bank would gladly use your milk. There are some health screening requirements but mostly for transmissible diseases. They are always looking for donors. I know many moms with situations similar to yours who decide to donate. What a wonderful thing to do.

Take care of yourself!


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## Samaria86 (Jan 17, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your baby was born alive and was in no way a miscarriage.. don't let anyone tell you differently!


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

: for you


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## SaraLe6 (Mar 4, 2009)

Besides milk banks, there is also Milkshare. This is private donation between yourself and a family or families of your choice. Often, if you wish, the family will send pictures of the baby you are donating to, or if you choose a local family to donate to often you are able to meet the baby during the pickup. Just another option to consider.. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. Forget about terms.. there is no such thing as "just" a miscarriage. The loss of a baby at 6 weeks is the same as a loss at 39 weeks, and everything in between. It is the loss of a baby.


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

I don't know where you are so I don't know about milk banks local to you. A La Leche League leader should be able to get information for you even if she doesn't have it in her fingertips.

To donate your milk after a loss is a huge gift from your heart. Many, many







s


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you, your baby and your family


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## crazyfish (Feb 9, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tear78* 
Your mil may be responding to the grief in her own way, too, but unfortunately it's not helpful to you. I have found that some people don't know how to appropriately respond to others' grief, though their intentions are pure.

unfortunately, my mil definitely does not have pure intentions. She told us we should have had the hospital dispose of "it"


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

i'm sorry for your loss. i am also 18 weeks pregnant right now, so your post really struck a chord with me. take care of yourself and your family, and i so totally support your plans for a funeral.

as for your MIL's comment, she is obviously in denial. please ignore her and minimize any contact you have with her for the forseeable future, as you need to surround yourself with *supportive* people.

best of luck.


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## ~girlsmum~ (May 10, 2008)

So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how sad you must feel but what a wonderful idea you have to donate your milk. You're awesome!


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Mama.








What did you name your sweet boy?


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)




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## crazyfish (Feb 9, 2009)

Thank you for all your sweet thoughts. We named him Michael Joseph.

We have had a lot of support from family and friends and we already have a strained relationship with my mil and she will not be coming to the funeral which is definitely for the best if that is how she feels.


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## ollineeba (Apr 12, 2005)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby Michael Joseph. Surround yourself with love and support right now.


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## Fairy4tmama (Sep 3, 2003)

Michael Joseph


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

So sorry for the loss of Michael Joseph. Wishing you peaceful, gentle healing.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry you lost your precious Michael Joseph. Your family will be in my thoughts.


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

So very sorry, mama. Your Michael Joseph was loved and wanted and most definitely was not "just" anything - let alone "just a fetus."







: He was your baby, and always will be. HUGS.







:


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

There are a lot of facebook groups for milk sharing/donating.

Also, I read on other threads where mamas saved a little of their milk and poured it over the baby's grave. It sounded very touching.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

wow, I think your mil might just be the most evil person I've ever heard about. I'm so sorry, you have her to deal with on top of losing Michael.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I am so sorry mama. My heart just tugs and feels so achy for you and for what you feel right now. I am so sorry this happened to you and you babe. Stick with us. We all support one another and there's so much love here to help heal.

*HUGE, enormous hugs* and so much love to you XXXXXXXX


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## ChichosMama (Aug 20, 2004)

I'm so sorry.








I, too, lost my son at 18 weeks. He lived for 2.5 hours. I still cry all the time. I tried to donate through milkshare, but I couldn't pump enough. There is a lot of need there.
My MIL is pretty evil as well. She has said some pretty terrible things to SO about our choices and about me. I can commiserate all too well. <3
May I ask what happened?
Feel free to PM anytime.


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## crazyfish (Feb 9, 2009)

I went into labor and because I was earlier than 20 weeks they wouldn't give me anything to stop contractions. The ultrasound showed that the baby's head was through my cervix, my bag of waters was through my cervix, and there was very little fluid left around the baby. At that point they couldn't do anything but deliver me.

The funeral was today. It was much harder than I thought it would be.


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## GMum (Apr 25, 2008)

Oh Mama, I am so very sorry for your loss







. You are in my thoughts.


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## free2beme23 (Jul 31, 2007)

I am sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.


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## ohmybaby (Mar 28, 2009)

I'm so incredibly sorry. I feel your pain and will keep you in my prayers.


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## AutumnMoonfire (Dec 29, 2001)

I'm so very sorry for your loss!!

Yes, you had a baby and you had a childbirth!

Do not let medical terms upset you or freak you out, it was technically an MC because it wasn't viable. A generation ago women were urged to go on as if nothing was amiss. the attitude comes from an era when loss was much more common and was a taboo topic as well as a shame on the woman. It was once considered a woman's fault when these things happened. These are part of the baggage your MIL carries in addition to being unsupportive and unkind.

Thankfully we understand the grief process better nowadays and allow it to happen as it needs to.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazyfish* 
I went into labor and because I was earlier than 20 weeks they wouldn't give me anything to stop contractions. The ultrasound showed that the baby's head was through my cervix, my bag of waters was through my cervix, and there was very little fluid left around the baby. At that point they couldn't do anything but deliver me.

The funeral was today. It was much harder than I thought it would be.

The day of our babies' funerals is such a hard day. For me, it was definitely important that I felt like I had a chance to say goodbye properly. But ... a funeral ... my _baby's_. It just confirms how wrong it is. I found the days after the funeral quite difficult - the numbness & denial wore off and it hurt. Be kind to yourself.


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## youngwife (Apr 5, 2009)

I agree....you had a baby, which is physically exhausting! And, your baby died, which is very tragic and so traumatic emotionally. Please do take it easy and rest! Accept help in any form. I truly am just so very sorry.









Praying for you and your family,


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *youngwife* 
I agree....you had a baby, which is physically exhausting! And, your baby died, which is very tragic and so traumatic emotionally. Please do take it easy and rest! Accept help in any form. I truly am just so very sorry.

I agree. And I'm so sorry that your mil has been so mean and uncaring about her grandchild.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so very sorry


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear about little Michael. I know how tough those days after a funeral can be - harder than when it first happens, I think, because the shock and denial are wearing off a bit. We're here when you need to talk.


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## crazyfish (Feb 9, 2009)

My moods are all over the place. We've had a lot of support from friends and neighbors. I do better when I keep busy. Mornings and Nights seem to be the hardest times. It still doesn't really seem real.


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## hotmamacita (Sep 25, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazyfish* 
I went into labor on Wednesday at 18 weeks and delivered a tiny 5.5 ounce little boy after the worst labor I have ever had. My baby lived for only 10 minutes but during that time he was very much alive. It is so upsetting to me that a few people consider that I had a miscarriage so I was oddly excited when my milk came in today because somewhere in my mind that proves that I had a baby and not a miscarriage. We are having a funeral for our sweet baby despite the open lack of support from my mil and I love that I have something that tells me my body was prepared to care for this baby and is recovering from childbirth and not a miscarriage.

I am looking into milk donation because I love the idea that my milk could help someone else's baby even though I couldn't help my own. Since I delivered at only 18 weeks it would be perfect for a preemie. Does anyone know which companies are reputable and which are not? Do they let you donate if you do not have a living baby?


















Michael Joseph










I hope you can find a milk bank or use milkshare to donate. What a wonderful giving heart you have!


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## Gentle~Mommy :) (Apr 21, 2009)




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## To-Fu (May 23, 2007)

Oh, mama. I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't let anyone else tell you how you should feel about it or what words you should use to describe it, OK?

As far as milk donation, I'd recommend Milkshare, although their site seems to be down at the moment.

http://milkshare.birthingforlife.com/

I love the concept behind direct donation there as opposed to just giving milk to a bank where you never know who will get it.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. I felt the same way that you do when our son died. He was a beautiful baby and it was as if he never existed as far as anyone else was concerned. Much love to you, mama.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

I am sorry that you lost your very alive baby. Its so hard. I am so impressed that you have your druthers about you enough to think about milk donation. I am just so sorry for your loss.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SaraLe6* 
Forget about terms.. there is no such thing as "just" a miscarriage. The loss of a baby at 6 weeks is the same as a loss at 39 weeks, and everything in between. It is the loss of a baby.

















:


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Blu Razzberri (Sep 27, 2006)




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## Yolonda T (May 17, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing in life prepares you for this type of journey. You replied to my post about my own little preemie and i know exactly where you are coming from. I know how blessed we were to have her as long as we did. I tell people all that all the time because we come from a place where some parents dont even get 3 minutes with their children.

Please know this, on everything I have read on life after death, love is the only earthy emotion that transitions with them. Love is so strong and powerful that not even death can stop it.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. Our children are breathing easy with God pain and struggle free. We will see them again!

Take good care,
Yolonda


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

Even if your baby never lived ourside of your body...he was your baby...not "just" a miscarriage. Your baby is your baby. He lived. be good to yourself...You are in good company.


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