# Miscarrying at 15 weeks - fetus died at 12 weeks



## isismama (Mar 8, 2002)

Hi everyone,

I went in for a routine prenatal visit with my midwife at 14 weeks and we couldn't hear the heartbeat. That happened on December 15, on December 22, the midwife came over to check for the heartbeat again and couldn't hear it. I went in for an ultrasound yesterday and found out that the baby died at around 12 weeks. At this late stage and because it's a 'missed abortion', I am planning on doing a D&C. I also want a D&C because I feel really disturbed by the idea of seeing the fetus (not that it's distrubing to naturally miscarry at all but I just don't feel like I can deal with it).

Right after the 14 week appointment, I knew the baby had died. I lost pregnancy symptoms the next day. I have been dealing with this for over a week and am doing 'okay'. Because it is the holidays, no obs can do a D&C for about a week and I am just waiting to bleed or go in for a D&C next week.

I hate the waiting. I feel depressed and it seems so surreal: I worried about miscarriage the entire pregnancy but I didn't really think it would happen. The pregnancy was really difficult because we just moved to this city and I know no one, my partner has started a new job and I felt so tired and nauseous. I have a two year old and looking after him throughout the first 12 weeks of pregnancy was SO hard. I want another baby but I don't know when I'll be ready again.

I haven't told family about the pregnancy and so they don't know I'm miscarrying. i don't want them to know and because I am just waiting over the next week, I will probably have to cancel some holiday plans.

Thanks for reading this!

Becky


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Becky, I'm so very sorry for your loss







This is an especially difficult time of the year.

You need to do what feels right for you. If you're not up to family gatherings, please give yourself the time you need.

As for telling people, you're going to have to decide what's right for you. You may want to talk with a small group of friends and/or family for support right now. It can be very lonely to lose a child and grieve alone - again, this is a decision that you need to make, only you know what is best for you.

Please remember to care for yourself right now. It's VERY important to keep hydrated and eat a healthy diet. Wether you miscarry naturally, or have a D&C there will be some blood loss and your body will go through a birth process. Try to eat foods rich in Iron such as leafy greens, beats and red meat if you're not a vegitarian.

It's rare that a woman develops an infection while miscarring, but you do need to be in-tune with your body now. Signs of infection would be feaver, severe pain, flu-like symptoms and generally feeling ill. If you experience any of these, you may want to talk to your Dr. or Midwife.

Miscarriage is a birth and you may find you have a lot of cramping. It may even be worse than your worst period - that's normal.

Let us know how your doing. I'll hold you in my thoughts today.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Becky, I am so sorry for your loss.

It can be really hard for some people to talk about with thier families. Some people prefer to tell only one or two people and have them pass the message on so they don't have to keep going through it over and over.

But whether you tell your family or not is up to you.

I hope this season is gentle on you, and take some extra time to rest. With a two year old you might see if your dh will give you a little extra relaxe time. A D&C is a procedure that you will need a little time to recover from.










I am so sorry for your loss.


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Becky, I'm so sorry. I also had a missed miscarriage in October but not as far along as you. This will be difficult, if I can offer one piece of advice, talk with your partner about it, even though it's painful, Steve and I each tried to be strong for the other instead of just letting each other know that we were devestated, it came back to hit us in the face a couple weeks later when our puppy died suddenly. (I still believe she had to go to take care of our baby, we had named her Tunza which is an african name for protector, even at 9 months, she had to go so the baby wouldn't be alone).
Try not to be alone, I ended up having to go to emerg because of pain and my blood pressure dropped very low. As the others said drink lots of fluids, eat well and cuddle with your two year old.
I will tell you that these boards were the only thing keeping me going when I miscarried, and now they are keeping me marginally sane while we try again.
Shannon


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Sorry for your loss. Best wishes for healing.


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## isismama (Mar 8, 2002)

Thank-you very much for all your responses.

I had the D&C today. I feel okay physically but it is so strange. Two weeks ago I thought I was pregnant with a healthy baby. I thought I had made it past the first trimester and had nothing to worry about. Now, I am no longer pregnant. All our plans for the future were based on having a second child in June and now we have to make new plans.










It just feels so weird. The sadness and anger I felt for a week after not hearing the heartbeat at 14 weeks (and knowing in my heart that the baby was dead) has changed into depression and disapointment.

I cancelled some of our holiday plans and will be taking it easy over the next week. My partner is thankfully off work until Jan 5 so he is taking good care of me.

Thanks again.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

It's such an empty feeling after a loss. I'm gald your dp is off and can help you right now.

Please continue taking care of yourself - you're in my thoughts.


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## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

isismama,








I'm so sorry for your loss. What a very sad thing to happen at any time, and always sad events are hard to live through in the "holly-jolly" days of December, I think. My sister lost a baby earlier this year, and we all spent Christmas trying to pretend it hadn't happened (at her preference), but I was thinking of how I had wanted to welcome that baby in February. No doubt you will feel the ripples of the loss in various ways this year.









Please take good care of yourself. I'm glad to hear you are resting and have your partner alongside for the week.

Sending you healing thoughts,

mamabutterfly


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