# 11 year old son and sexual curiosity



## mommamia11 (Feb 5, 2018)

So when my son was around 8 or 9, I found that he searched "sexies" and "boobies" on my laptop. He watched a handful of sensual videos on YouTube of girls getting oily massages. We had a talk with him, didn't condemn him, but did say that it is natural to want to look but he is too young to be free range searching the internet. We said he wasn't allowed to do it anymore and if he had questions he could ask. Fast forward to now, he is 11. We recently got him his own phone about 5 months ago for his 11th bday. I Didn't put any internet blockers on it (my fault) but we talked about not looking at anything innapropriate. I check his phone history every so often. Well I look yesterday and see that a few weeks ago he took a test called "am I gay". It was a very dumb stereotypical test with questions such as, "how much do you pay for a haircut? And what kind of purse is this?" Etc. Not valid Indicators. It said he scored 17% gay. I noticed he then over the course of a day or two took multiple other tests. Then sometime after that (I can't remember if it was the same day or days later bc it's all a blur right now) he googled gay men kissing and then preceded to watch 8 YouTube videos of gay men. There was a "pussy fucking" of a man and woman but it wasn't on YouTube it was a site. It wasn't the same day either. 

When I asked him about this, he said a friend at school told him to take the "how gay are you test" while they were playing on their phones. He took it and said he couldn't believe he was 17% so he took more when he got home. But what doesn't explain is the multitude of YouTube gay men kissing videos that he watched. When I gently asked he got worked up and upset and cried a little. He said he was just curious what gay was. Although a couple months ago i explained very lightly what gay was bc we were talking about suicide (I felt I should have the talk bc he just entered middle school and wanted to give him the adults explanation before he heard it from kids). He said he was curious about gay then but then recently wanted to know really what it was. He said he doesn't like boys and wants to like girls but doesn't yet. He is only 11. 

My husband said he himself didn't think about girls until he was 12 but he didn't have the internet back then. He said he developed later hormonally and hit puberty later. He said he may not have interest towards girls yet or thought of them in that way and so maybe thought he was gay bc he didn't like girls? I also don't know if he his friend asked him to take the test or if he wanted to all on his own. It may have been his first real time seeing people kiss and be sensual and erotic and it was with guys. 

Is this an early sign of him being gay? Or did he just have too much freedom and curiosity on the internet? He shows no other signs of being gay. Up until now, he was just my little boy so I'm trying to wrap my head around him growing up. His internet browsing history, ill admit, was too free. He has looked at like thousands of YouTube videos of everything. But there were the gay videos and then he stumbled to robin Williams suicide and then watched a few more suicide videos. Is he overly curious about everything? Are these signs of being gay? I told him how serious suicide was and we had a huge talk and I said that's not the answer and we will love him no matter how he is and if school was ever an issue we would switch schools, fix it, etc. School is not an issue he said. He said he does not like boys but just wanted to know more about what gay was. 

What should I do next? What does this mean? I told him i will love him no matter what, I'm just wandering if i should accept this new thing in my son or give it time or what? I'm just seeing him in a all new light. How do I put a blocker on his internet usage? Do i buy him magazines? the internet is just way too intense, he doesn't need to be seeing how kinky things are at this age.


----------



## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

What you are describing sounds within the normal range. There's a lot of homophobia everywhere it seems and I think young people can be especially harsh with enforcing conforming behaviour. So your son may have had a legitimate panic attack about being any amount of "gay". I probably live in a much more urban place and there are gay people everywhere, bosses, neighbours you name it. Your son sounds possibly a little sheltered and is genuinely looking for info. If there is a way to block porn on his phone, that seems reasonable to me. I think I would explain that porn can appear harsh and aggressive (fake boobs, fake nails etc.) and that real time relationships are different. Much like an action film is not real life.


----------



## anchasta (Oct 24, 2017)

He's just exploring. I wouldn't hold him to it! My god-daughter thought she only liked girls last year, and this year she has a boyfriend. He's right in the appropriate timeline to start thinking about these things and exploring his new-fangled awkward feelings. I think it sounds like you are very communicative with him and honest, and that's the best tool in his toolbox! Just watch out for his online experiences, he might get a little more education all at once than he is prepared for!


----------



## mommamia11 (Feb 5, 2018)

anchasta said:


> He's just exploring. I wouldn't hold him to it! My god-daughter thought she only liked girls last year, and this year she has a boyfriend. He's right in the appropriate timeline to start thinking about these things and exploring his new-fangled awkward feelings. I think it sounds like you are very communicative with him and honest, and that's the best tool in his toolbox! Just watch out for his online experiences, he might get a little more education all at once than he is prepared for!


Thank you, your response settles my nerves just a bit. Thank you so much!


----------



## mommamia11 (Feb 5, 2018)

mumto1 said:


> What you are describing sounds within the normal range. There's a lot of homophobia everywhere it seems and I think young people can be especially harsh with enforcing conforming behaviour. So your son may have had a legitimate panic attack about being any amount of "gay". I probably live in a much more urban place and there are gay people everywhere, bosses, neighbours you name it. Your son sounds possibly a little sheltered and is genuinely looking for info. If there is a way to block porn on his phone, that seems reasonable to me. I think I would explain that porn can appear harsh and aggressive (fake boobs, fake nails etc.) and that real time relationships are different. Much like an action film is not real life.


Thank you very much for your response. very helpful and calms my nerves. We are going to discuss our next steps to limiting his internet access.


----------



## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

It does sound like natural curiosity. I'm not a big fan of access that kids have to internet these days though. I think there should be more limits. When you are older and you watch things like that you have an existing set of experiences to compare/contrast them with. When you haven't even experienced your own inclination or natural impulses in terms of sexual attraction, it could just mess with you in a way that you don't know how to process. If I were in your shoes, I would set tight controls and not allow this, but not be punitive about it, just let him know he's not old enough to fully understand what he is viewing. Continue to check frequently.


----------

